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nymphigeon · 4 years

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Someone you love(d) || KTH

• Pairing: Taehyung x Reader(f)

• Genre: break up au, angst with a happy ending, fluff? (just a lil' bit at the end :))

• Rating: PG

• Words: 7.2k

• Warnings: swearing, mention of weight, they kiss like once, if you don't like cheesy things....skip this one lmao

• Summary: You thought he loved you, you really did, but the way he left told you something else.

Or alternatively;

Taehyung is an emotionally constipated idiot who doesn't know how to deal with his feelings.

• A/N: Okay it took me waaay too long to write this, I'm so sorry T_T I really wanted to get this out earlier, but well things happened....

I only proofread this like once and had some trouble getting everything into the post properly so I'm sorry if there are any mistakes! Please let me know if you find any so I can fix them asap.

Thank you for the request @mytaetaey! I hope it matches your expectations!!!

It honestly hasn't even been that long since the day he showed up at my house.

"Let’s break up."

Although I really wouldn't be able to tell you how much time had truly passed.

"W-wait why?"

Days felt like weeks, weeks felt like months. Everything just seemed to last a lot longer than it should have.

"Did I do something wrong? I-I can fix it, just tell me!"

It might have happened last week, or the week before that. Wasn't it three weeks ago?

"No, no you didn't do anything wrong y/n. I'm sorry this just isn't working out."

Bottom line is, the passing of time hasn't really been on my mind. Any day without him is a day lost, a day to forget about.

"What do you mean this isn’t working out? I thought we were doing well together..."

I remember the confusion that went through me. All of a sudden the four years we spent together seemed to have disappeared.

“You thought wrong.”

He had been acting weird for a while, never quite getting close to telling me what was going through his mind. I hadn’t anticipated it ever ending like this though.

“Not everything you believe is a fact.”

The years I had to get to know him ended too soon. They went by so fast, they might as well have been non-existent.

"I... why? I don’t understand…

This all came too sudden. Just a few days before he had been laying on my bed, smiling as I told him about my day.

"I just don't feel the same anymore."

I just needed a little more time. A little more time to adore him. A little more time to say goodbye.

"I don't love you anymore."

But I still did do. He didn’t seem to care though. After he took care of me for a while, he decided I’m not worth it. Not even as someone who he just passes by.

"It's best if we don't see each other anymore."

If you cherish what you have you'll never be left unsatisfied.

"Goodbye."

I did. And it broke me.

“Y/n? Helloooo?”

My daydreams get interrupted by a waving hand in front of my face, followed by a harsh flick against my forehead.

“Ouch! Mina that was too hard!” Both my hands shoot up to the stinging spot between my eyes, one to prevent the evil hand from handing out another flick, the other one to rub at the red spot forming.

“Class ended a few minutes ago, you should probably pack up. Really, did you just stare off into space for the entire class?” Spotting my close to empty notebook, Mina sighs and shakes her head. She’s trying to look disappointed, but under the scolding exterior she’s putting on, there is a hint of pity.

It’s not the first time this week that not a single word has made it into my notes. Each time again the pages are either filled with lazy doodles and meaningless scribbles, or a space of absolute nothingness, not even a drop of ink staining the white paper.

“I’m sorry, I really did try to pay attention, but you know I hate his classes with a passion.” We both know that’s not the reason for my absentness, and neither of us speaks up about it. It’s what I requested myself, not being able to cope with the sadness I was causing my friends to feel. They care too much, I don’t want to burden them for too long.

“I know sweetheart, you did do your best. I’ll send my notes later, if you want I’ll help you understand them too.” Though no matter how hard I try, I still rely on them. They keep convincing me to, their kind souls not being able to leave me alone. “If you could I’d really appreciate it.”

A sweet smile appears on Mina’s lips as I accept her offer, being more than happy to help me. She has always been the type to give more than she received, and despite me believing she deserves more than she gets, I adore her for it. “Of course, any time.”

I finish packing my belongings into my backpack, first making sure I didn’t leave anything behind before leaving the classroom with Mina close to my side. She talks about everything and nothing as we roam the spacious hallways filled with tired looking students. I wouldn’t be surprised if more than half of them slept until the end of their lectures.

Most of Mina’s words fall on deaf ears as I think back to the thoughts that occupied my mind the entire time my teacher was trying to explain the principle of quantum mechanics. I wouldn’t have understood it regardless of whether I was paying attention or not by the way.

“Ah you don’t have any more classes today, do you?” An unannounced weight falls on my left side as Mina whines into my shoulder, effectively bringing me back down to earth. Some brabbles about life being unfair escape the muffled sounds she produces, clearly not looking forward to the rest of her day.

“I’m going to be so lonely, me and Daeun aren’t allowed to sit next to each other anymore.” Mina raises her head to catch some air, her hands still clinging to the fabric of my shirt. The scowl on her face isn’t hard to miss, as she isn’t doing much to hide it.

“I was just going to head home straight away.” On any other day I would’ve probably teased her, wishing her good luck while I go and enjoy the free life. Today however, I don’t. My face stays in it’s boring resting position, even as Mina waits for the non-existent twist at the end.

It doesn’t take long before she finally sees I’m not poking fun at her. The moment of realization is clear, her whiny expression disappearing and her hands falling back to her sides. “Oh.”

“Well since it’s Friday how about I come hang out at your place when I’m done here? I’ll drag Daeun along with me too.” Mina’s voice is unsure, scared that I’ll reject her offer. A thick tension hangs in the air as we both wait for my reply.

I want to be alone. I want to be able to overthink in peace without others insisting that my mind is wrong. Though on the other side, I do know that I’ve been pushing them away. All the more reason for them to worry about me.

“Yeah sure.” I manage to convince myself to decide on the option I’d like the least. Somewhere I may be hoping that I’ve been missing out on a distraction I needed. I will never know until I experience it.

“Great! I’ll bring snacks too, let’s make it a movie night!” And off she goes, not waiting for any kind of confirmation from my side. Most likely it’s a way to keep me from refusing, forcing me into a situation that’s best for me, according to her.

I might not be looking forward to the events to come, but even I can’t deny the dull blossoming of my heart. The corners of my lips tug up, together with a hand to wave the girl off.

Yeah, perhaps, just maybe, I’m excited to spend some time with them.

I wasted a lot of time trying to figure out what’s wrong with me. Did I gain too much weight? Did I not text him enough? Was I going down the wrong path?

No matter what I wrote down, which new question I thought of, it didn’t seem right. Crumpled up paper balls and clothes littering the apartment show of the frustration occupying my mind.

No aspect of me changed for the worse. I’m still the same healthy weight, we texted almost every day, and I’m running up the path to a successful career. There is nothing wrong with me, so why am I blaming myself so heavily?

Because for some reason I believe that if I had done things differently the outcome would have been better. Because maybe he would’ve changed his mind if I reacted differently. Because it could never be him who was in the wrong.

A knock on the door and the pen I had been holding drops. Focussing on the paper in front of me once more, the harsh worded sentences ending in large written question marks stand out. I’m yearning for answers to questions I don’t even understand myself and it’s terrifying.

Three knocks on the door this time and I’m up, quickly discarding all the papers littering around. Some I tear to pieces, making sure none of the written sentences are visible anymore, others simply get hidden.

The door creaks as it opens, broadcasting it’s old age to the world. I should probably replace it sometime before someone decides to break in. Not that there’s anything worth taking here, I am a student after all.

“Hey dea- Oh no you look horrible.” A slight gasp interrupts Daeun’s cheery greeting when she notices the birds nest that is my hair. After having acted out all my annoyance on the poor strands, they’ve taken to each other for comfort, gladly intertwining. To my dismay, of course.

“I feel horrible. Come in.” The chuckle meant to lighten the statement doesn’t do it’s job properly. Both don’t say anything more as they enter the tiny apartment I call home, but they might as well have been screaming ‘I feel sorry for you.’” If they won’t do it, their faces definitely will.

“I won’t let any of you chose a movie tonight, I’ve got way too many good ideas.” Mina drops the overfilled bags she was holding on the dinner table while she talks. From the few items that stick out it’s safe to deduce that they’re filled with snacks to the brim.

“Also I was thinking we could order some pizza for dinner. All on me, I just got payed.” Like she owns the place, Mina reaches for several bowls high up in the cupboards of the kitchen. “We’ll use these tonight..” She says it more so to herself than to anyone else, not bothering to ask me anything. Not that it was really needed, I would have given her permission anyway.

“How was your day?” Sitting down next to Daeun, who has made herself comfortable on the couch after walking in, I try to start a basic conversation. Even though I’m not particularly in the mood for anything, I decide it’s probably best to try before I ruin the fun.

“You shouldn’t have to pretend that everything is okay, you know.” My question is completely ignored, switched for a statement that sets a heavy atmosphere in the room. The little excitement I had for their visit disappears. Instead, irritation starts taking over.

“Look Daeun, I-”

“I know you don’t want to talk about it, but this is not the way to cope with whatever may be happening inside you right now.” The tone she uses tells me she isn’t about to back out anytime soon. I hate it, hate how she feels like she can tell me what’s best for me.

“If this is what you came here for then I think it’s best that you leave. I’m not playing around here.” I turn away from the both of them, showing my back instead. This was supposed to be a fun evening to get my mind off him. Turns out, it’s the exact opposite.

“She’s right y/n.” It didn’t sound like Mina initially wanted to talk about this. She has always been unsure of when and how to address things, usually rather staying silent. With the right help however, Mina too will spill her words.

“This will always be a part of your life now, no matter how hard you try to erase it, you can’t. I know you’re hurting, and you’re allowed to feel hurt, we just want to help you. We’ll distract you all you like later, but for now, just confide in us please?”

It’s the way I feel both of their eyes burning into my back, the way she isn’t exactly sure how to convey her thoughts, though has the best intentions, the way a gentle hand softly lands on my shoulder. Sooner or later the dam would have broken. Apparently that time has come.

“I gave up so much for that guy! I moved to a more expensive apartment closer to his so we could see each other more, I started working more hours so he wouldn’t need to pay every time we went out together,” I never really got the chance to complain about the negative side to the changes I made, always feeling like it should be worth it, since I did it for him.

“I studied late into the night just so I had time during the day to hang out with him, do you know how much sleep I lost? I couldn’t even go home to my parents regularly anymore, for the distance was too much.”

Not exactly having expected me to rant so much, the two girls seated next to me stare in surprise. Never have I expressed any discomfort with what I was doing, always plastering a smile on my face.

“I don’t even mind that he broke up with me, I mean I do, but he was so cold! I had done my best to keep things going between us and he just gives me an ‘oh I don’t like you anymore’ like it’s common sense. I didn’t even get a thank you for all those years or a sorry for breaking it off! I just wish he’d…”

I take in a deep breath after having forgotten to breathe for the past minute, all the tears I kept in finally making an appearance as my anger get replaced by the same sadness I felt all those days ago.

“I just wished he’d at least given me reassurance I hadn’t been a waste of his time.”

The volume in which I spoke had drastically lowered, coming out in an almost-whisper. All the objects in front of me blurred as a non-stop stream of tears made it’s way out, my cries just mere silent sobs.

The hand resting on my shoulder becomes an arm pulling me into her side, the rough material of her shirt revealing her identity. Daeun doesn’t say anything as her other hand strokes through the strands of my hair, detangling any knots on the way.

For a moment I feel guilty about the tears wetting her shirt. It’s when she pulls me against her a little tighter that the feeling disappears, giving me the opportunity to fully bask in her embrace.

“I’m so sorry sweetheart.” Feeling left out, Mina pats my thigh and breaks the silence. “You worked hard didn’t you? Because you loved him.” I can hear her clothes rustling first, before her arms too wrap around the space Daeun left.

“I still do.” No matter how much I try to forget about him, I can’t seem to do it. He has engraved himself into my mind, forever stuck. If he’d ever leave is a mystery, though for now, it seems impossible.

You know what? Fuck you Kim Taehyung.

“Dude, what do you want for your birthday?” It’s Jungkook who has slammed down my door and completely disturbed my peace.

“Huh? Nothing in particular really.” Despite the rude entrance, I don’t look up from my tv screen, having already gotten used to the lack of announcements before he comes in.

“Didn’t you ask me that already two days ago?” Once again ignoring any form of politeness, the younger one makes grabby hands towards the bag of potato chips laying next to me. I don’t make any move to stop him, knowing very well I can’t win from him in a fight, ever.

“Yeah because I thought maybe you changed your mind. Usually you’re so excited for your birthday, but you just seem so… Unenthusiastic?” There is almost no way to take him seriously when he’s scarfing down my dear food like it’s water. Surely when were out next time I’ll make him get me a new bag.

“Well yeah that’s because…” What exactly was I going to say?

Finally grabbing his full attention, Jungkook puts down the bag of chips and lets himself fall down next to me. “Because?”

There is no mistaking his smirk for a smile, although he does his damn best to hide it. He knows exactly what I was about to say, and I’m not about to admit anything.

“Because I realized it’s nothing to be overly excited about. That’s it.” Challenging Jungkook to prove me wrong I stare right back at him, not planning on chickening out any time soon. It seems to have worked, as he looks away first.

“Ah is that so? I’ll just see if I can find something you’ll like myself in that case.” The boy who has silently admitted defeat removes himself from the couch, moving to his room at the other side of our apartment. “Good luck buddy.”

No longer having to pay attention to him, I rewind the movie I was watching back. That muscle bunny just made me miss the absolute best part.

“So why exactly are you dragging me to town again?”

It’s not too busy today, which should have been a given as it’s a normal weekday. Everyone is either yawning behind a desk or running around in circles depending on their career choices. Compared to them, I’m making the worst possible choice by letting my best friend convince me to skip class for a reason I wasn’t even familiar with.

“I’m having none of this ‘I don’t care what you get me’ nonsense. We’re going to find something you like, and that’s why we’re here.” Jimin takes a pause from pulling me along by hand to put both of his on his waist like a proud toddler.

“So in other words, we’re here so I can choose my own birthday gift?” Slowly I begin to understand how much of a waste of my time this is. I could’ve been doing fine trying to understand whatever Mrs. Wilson wanted to go over today, but instead I’m going to be reminded of my ex all day. Great.

Well, if she was still here it wouldn’t have mattered whether I knew what I wanted or not, she always had something great for me, and I always looked forward to it. Once she jokingly told me how she felt pressured, having to live up to my expectations. Though honestly there was nothing for her to live up to, I liked her gifts because she gave them to me. Because she always managed to make each and every birthday a fun one.

“Any ideas yet? Jewellery, clothes, games… Wait, nothing too expensive, I’ll go broke!” Jimin’s sudden panic manages to bubble up a chuckle in me. He doesn’t really seem to appreciate it though, as he scowls at the sound. “What? Your taste is too expensive!”

He knows me well it seems. Not that it was ever a real secret. When the contents of your closet is worth more than someone’s rent several times anybody would want to show that off right? Well so do I.

We walk into several stores for inspiration. No real shopping haul, just a quick in and out with Jimin trying to get a reaction out of me by stuffing things he thinks I like into my face. So far no real success, my only reaction being something along the lines of ‘ah yes that looks nice’ at everything he proposes.

It’s not like I’m purposefully trying not to find something I truly like, but more that honestly nothing catches my interest. And I promise it’s not even the price, some of my most prized possessions are the cheapest things I own. This just isn’t doing it for me.

After having been pulled into the what feels like the hundredth store, my stomach decides to make the loudest noise known to mankind. “Can we like, maybe take a break?” There is no doubt that my face is bright red at this moment, instantly heating up when Jimin laughs equally as loud.

“If you were hungry you should’ve just said so. Let’s go find something to eat.” Is probably the only sentence he said today that I’ve fully agreed on.

It sounded so easy, just find somewhere to buy food. Unfortunately, getting our tummies filled wasn’t written in our future so soon. No matter where we look, everything is either closed or completely full with customers. Who knew so many other people were hungry at this moment. Not like it’s close to dinner time or anything.

Eventually, I manage to convince Jimin to eat at a small fancy restaurant down the street on my expense. Despite him agreeing after a few attempts, a set pout is still present on his face, which doesn’t seem to be leaving anytime soon. Together with some murmurs about how this isn’t fair, he makes himself look incredibly adorable.

Soon however, I would come to regret my decision. The fancy tablecloths and nicely plated food wouldn’t be looking so appealing anymore. Because even if I had convinced my mind of the truth my constant lies hold, there was simply no way for me to convince my heart too.

“Hey isn’t that y/n and… I don’t think I know him.”

The male opposite her had somehow won her over with that stupid perfect smile he wore, his eyes an annoyingly beautiful ocean deep blue and his blonde hair styled in an awfully neat way. Everything about the sight annoys the heck out of me, including the way she was smiling back at him. Why does she look so happy? When was the last time I saw her like that?

“Oh are they… I’m sorry Tae.”

I was the one who broke up with her. I was the one who walked out with a load haven fallen off of my shoulders. I was the one who ran even though she cried. There is no reason for me not to be completely fine.

“I don’t care, she can do whatever she wants now.”

So then why am I the one hurting this much?

It came sooner than expected, my birthday. Just sort of snuck up on me. After the restaurant incident Jimin himself magically decided to end the shopping trip and go home to eat. Nobody ever mentioned my birthday again in the following days.

It was pretty clear that someone had told the others about what happened, although none of them spoke about it. That someone obviously being Jimin.

“Soooo… any plans for the day?”

The question comes from Jungkook, who is fidgeting with the hem of his oversized hoodie. He stands quietly in the doorway to my room, waiting for an answer he already knows.

“Go to class and study after.”

“You’re not going out of the house? No party planned?” The suffocating nervosity radiates off of him in waves, displayed by the still ongoing fidgeting and his eyes that can’t seem to focus on one thing at a time.

“Nope, no other plans.” I sit up in bed, slowly coming to terms with the fact that I won’t be getting any more sleep. Despite him looking like he’s scared I’m going to get mad, he doesn’t actually give up, which isn’t appreciated on my part.

“Well the boys thought we could maybe go out together, get a few drinks.” On any other day besides my birthday I would’ve most likely agreed to the plan. Today however, I can’t help but relate every proposition to my birthday, which I, in case you hadn’t noticed yet, want to forget about as soon as possible.

I had already given him enough opportunities to stop. All it would take was leaving me alone. His constant persistence ends up getting to me, successfully causing me to snap at the younger boy. If he expected an outburst, he’s getting it.

“Why the fuck does everyone expect me to celebrate today? If my birthday is the day on which I can do whatever shit I want then let me do whatever I want!” It wasn’t meant to come out that way, and the guilt sets in the moment I realize it, but I don’t have time to apologize.

“Dude, you seriously need to do something about your feelings for y/n.” He sighs the words as he casually leans against the wall, his arms crossed. In an instant the awkward energy around him disappears, replaced by a very prominent eye roll. It’s not hard to guess that this has been on his mind for a while.

“Don’t mention her. This has nothing to do with her.”

“This has everything to do with her and you know it.”

I don’t have anything to say against that. We both know it’s the truth, though only one of us is trying to deny it. The dumb one.

“You know what I think? You spent your past 6 birthdays with the girl of your dreams and now that you pushed her away you have no idea what to do. Am I right?”

He is. I don’t say anything as my head lowers, slowly realizing there is no hiding anything from him. She’s still on my mind. I still wonder what she’s doing, where she is, if she’s safe. I still care. “You’re right.”

I broke up with who I considered my other half, convincing myself that I didn’t need her anymore. Who exactly was I trying to protect?

“I had to, I’ll hurt her.” I already did.

“And suddenly breaking up with her is supposed to make her happy?” I was hoping it would in the long run.

“You’re not the same as him.” Though I am. The same parents, the same group of friends growing up, the same sense of humour. We got along so well. What if we still do?

“He’s my brother Kook. We were so alike. You know he once too adored her.” We don’t talk anymore, I’m disappointed in him. He would’ve been too. I don’t understand what changed.

“He used her, nobody saw it coming. The signs were there, he just hid them too well.” Jungkook leaves his spot against to wall to comfort me, tucking my head into his neck.

“You’re not him and he isn’t you. The fact that you no longer want to be associated with him proves everything. He didn’t care about Hyeon.” So he can look straight at me, he pushes me away with his hands on my shoulders. The expression on his face tells me he’s serious.

“You love her, and you’ve got to fix this mess.”

I don’t like agreeing with him, but once again, he’s right.

As soon as I open the door I want to slam it right back into his face. Or I might want to run into his arms, I can’t decide yet. Regardless, I wasn’t expecting Taehyung to be standing on the other side when the doorbell went off.

“Umm… Hi?” All the words that have been building up in my personal dictionary seem to disappear the moment I lay my eyes on him. He still looks as good as the last time I saw him, even though the circumstances were heart-breaking.

“Hey, um I’m sorry I showed up unannounced. I didn’t really think this through…” Everything about him screams awkward. From the way his feet are pointed slightly more inwards than normally, to the way he doesn’t seem to be able to smile naturally. Instead there is this weird, tight expression on his face.

“Oh um… Would you like to come in though?” I don’t wait for an answer as I step aside, my memory helping me remind that nine out of ten times the answer to that question is ‘yes’. “Oh yeah, thank you.”

“Do you want anything to drink?” Not really having anything to say I cycle through the set few sentences I usually need when I have someone over. I’m not happy that he’s here, but I’m not the type to lash out at people.

“Ah no, I’m okay. Look I’m just going to get straight to the point, I messed up big time. I got insecure and closed myself off to everyone including you and I’m so fucking sorry that I did.”

My lack of reaction surprises me. Sure, my insides are doing somersaults, but I don’t feel the need to express any of it. Like an unused sheet of paper, my face stays blank. “And now you’re here to win me back I presume?”

Somewhere in between his statement and mine, the tables shifted. Slowly, I’m gaining the confidence he is losing.

“Well, not really, I mean yes, but-”

He catches himself rambling, shutting his mouth before any real nonsense can make it out. Taking a deep breath helps, the words coming out more fluently after. Not a great start, but it’s okay. I have patience. Sometimes.

“I just wanted to let you know that the words I shot at you that day weren’t true. I hurt you and I didn’t want those words to roam your mind not knowing they weren’t even close to what I was feeling.”

The deep breath he drew in earlier escapes in a deep sigh, followed by his mouth opening and closing a few times without any sounds making it out. “And?” It was meant as a way to encourage him to continue. Sadly, it came out rather rude.

“I do still care about you, damn I still love you more every day. If there is anything I can do to make it up to you please let me know, I don’t want to have to live in a world where my last words to you made you cry. Obviously I would want a second chance at being the proper lover you deserve, but you’re in charge here. If you want me to walk out the door I will.”

There’s a hopeful look in his eyes making my heart beat erratically. In the past I would’ve instantly dropped to my knees, making sure every wish of his came true. I am no longer that girl.

“Tae it’s been months, you can’t just suddenly drop by and tell me you’re sorry. I spent days wondering why you broke up with me, wailing over the fact that you suddenly just didn’t care anymore, and even now you’re not giving me an answer. Why did you suddenly turn your back on me? Why did you not talk to me about whatever was bothering you? Even now you’re making me feel like you couldn’t trust me. Fuck, you just left me there like I was a piece of trash!”

What was once a hopeful look in his eyes, turned into defeat. He won’t give me an answer.

“You can’t just come in here exclaiming to love me after I’ve worked so hard to get myself over you. You can’t just come in here trying to steal my heart when I’m learning to give it to somebody else.”

“The blonde haired dude?”

Perhaps I shouldn’t feel a sense of accomplishment at the clear jealousy in his voice. However, this man did break my heart in two for apparently no reason. Is it weird I would want to get back at him a little?

“His name is Yejun and he’s a great guy. Look, just leave please. I have nothing more to say or hear. We’re done.” Turning away from him I mark the end of this conversation. It takes a while before there is any movement behind me. Slow steps make their way to the front door before pausing.

“I hope he treats you well, but I’m not going to simply give up on you like that.”

And secretly, I was hoping he wouldn’t.

Two, three four days, before I realize it it has been an entire week since I last saw him. Some part of me is scared, scared that he has decided otherwise and I will never hear from him again.

I had told myself getting over him would be easy when I finally accepted the help of my friends, and for a while it was. Or so I thought, because the moment he walked in here I was right back to square one.

I’m in the middle of working on a new project when the doorbell rings. Standing up, I go to open the door wondering who it could be. If he had come back for me after all. Too bad I would soon be disappointed, as the man standing in front of my door was just an ordinary mailman.

“Umm I didn’t order anything?” My eyes fall on almost gigantic package behind the man. If I ordered some furniture I would’ve surely remembered right?

“Are you not y/f/n y/l/n?”

“No I am.”

“It clearly has your name and address on it miss.”

The building up confusion hasn’t left my head yet, but knowing there is nothing else I can do I decide to accept the package. After thanking the courier I close the door and carefully carry the big box into my living room.

The moment I open the big thing up, a bunch of big balloons float up to my low ceiling. There’s a transparent one with little hearts bouncing around inside, one that’s just one big heart itself, another one has the words ‘I love you’ written on it in a neat font. If I hadn’t checked my calendar this morning I would’ve thought it was valentine’s day.

Diving deeper into the box I find a relatively big fluffy teddy bear, hugging what seems to be a letter in a white envelope.

‘When I was 16 a miracle happened, I met the most beautiful girl. Me not being able to contain myself I immediately introduced myself to her. She said he name was y/n. I think it was back then that I decided her voice was my favourite. I was too much of a coward to ask her out at the time. I eventually did, though looking back I wish I did so sooner. There was never a boring day with her by my side.’

That’s all there is. Just a few words on an otherwise empty piece of paper. No signature at the bottom, no name, and still I knew exactly who wrote it.

The next day another package came in. This time a different set of balloons, a different stuffed animal, but the exact same white envelope.

‘When I was 22 my brother and his fiancée broke it off. Just like the piece of shit I have to call my dad he betrayed his partner’s trust, cheating on her without a second thought. My mother heard about it and accused both of us as being just like our father. You know after a while, I really started believing her.’

Each day a new box would come in, always containing a present with a letter attached.

‘I was terrified of hurting you, terrified of you seeing me the way my mom did, so I hid everything from you. I should’ve known that I can’t hide anything, you know me too well. I panicked and left you, the biggest mistake I could ever make. One that made everything that was already happening so much worse. I tried telling myself I didn’t need you, but I just couldn’t.’

I believed him, believed in the words he wrote down.

‘I’m so fucking sorry for everything I put you through. It’s all my fault and I’ll spend forever owning up to my mistakes. I love you and I don’t want to live without you. Please just give me one more chance to prove myself to you. One is all I need.’

I’m sorry Yejun, I can’t forget about him after all.

Actually he should be the one who is nervous, and well maybe he is, but I’m the one standing on his front porch with my knees shaking and my heart beating right out of my chest. At one point I was even scared he would be able to hear me through the door.

Shaking my head I gather all the courage I can to knock on his door before I turn around and run back in the direction I came from. However, when I hear the sound of my fist on the hard wood I briefly still consider hiding somewhere.

Luckily I don’t get the chance to. While still going back and forth between the options staying or coming back some other time, the door creaks. I stiffly force my hands to stay still at my sides. The time it takes for the door to actually open seems like an entirety. If you were to count the passing seconds it would at most be like 5, which doesn’t sound like much, it feels like much.

“y/n?” His stance looks like a ‘what are you doing here?’, but his eyes give more of a ‘please say you’re here to forgive me’. Well, the latter would be right. “Can I come in?”

“Y-yeah of course.”

It’s not hard to notice that he is uncertain of his actions. It pleases me on one hand, as it gives me some sort of confirmation that he doesn’t want to make any more mistakes around me. On the other hand, I don’t like seeing him uptight around me. I wish he was more comfortable when I’m near.

“I received the letters you wrote.” He knows I received his letters, he was the one who wrote them and sent them out. Surprisingly though, he almost audibly swallows at the information like he did something bad.

“Why couldn’t you tell me in person?” It takes me back to the day he suddenly landed on my doorstep. Even when I explicitly asked for it, he gave me nothing.

“I was scared, I couldn’t get the words out. I wasn’t at all prepared.” He takes a pause before continuing. “It’s not that I don’t trust you, I just didn’t know what else to believe at that point.”

Carefully, I reach out my hand to place on top of his laying on his lap. I don’t touch his skin yet, patiently waiting for him to give me some sort of consent. It comes in the form of him softly raising his hand to meet mine.

“I know, we all have our insecure times. You’re not obligated to tell me anything. I can’t and shouldn’t force you to. I’m sorry I doubted you. I was only upset about the way you left.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I thought that if your last memory of me was a bad one you’d forget me faster.”

It didn’t work the way he wanted it to, but he already knows. Already having been hit with that fact multiple times, I decide to spare him. I don’t mention it again.

“Did you ever stop loving me?” At the time it seemed like he did. Like he wasn’t simply acting, like those harsh words were what he truly felt. “Be honest please.” I don’t want any more lies. I’ll accept whatever comes out, even if it throws me right back to where I started.

“I-I don’t know… I really thought my mother was right. That what I had for you wasn’t what it seemed to be.” His gaze briefly drifts to the ground, before focussing on our touching hands. Like magic, the uncomfortableness he was feeling seems to shift. “No matter what she or I tried to convince myself of, something was always missing. I couldn’t put a mask over my own hurting and guilt anymore.”

He spoke the truth. Well at least I think he did. And so I accepted it.

“Okay, thank you for telling me.”

This talk was long overdue. Something we both needed and completely missed. No screaming, no crying, no accusing. If only it went this way from the start. We’re not all perfect though. Even if someone out there is, I’m not, he isn’t. They must be laughing at us.

“Your letters were cheesy. The gifts too.” I’m not sure if this is me trying to lighten the mood, or if I’m just stating facts. Regardless, it makes the both of us smile.

“I know. But you love cheesy things, like the roses I buy you on special occasions.” When he looks back at me I have to resist the urge to jump on him. The smile he wears look good on him. It’s been a while since I’ve seen it. “You know me too well.”

“Well did they work?”

I had already made up my mind a few days back. While staring at the floating balloons occupying my living room I had decided for myself that he’s worth it. He is.

Tilting my head up like I’m still thinking, I make clear ‘hmm’ sound. I had thought that the answer is quite obvious, seeing as I came to him myself, but when doubt takes away his smile I drop the act. I’ve been through enough. We’ve both been through enough.

“Yeah, yeah it did.”

Unlike myself, he doesn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around me. Burying his head in the crook of my neck like he used to do, he lets out a few low ‘thank you’s’. It doesn’t take me long to return the hug, feeling just as safe with him as I used to.

“What about.. Ah I forgot his name.” It’s not hard to guess who he’s hinting at, the sourness in his voice giving him away. I understand, I wouldn’t like it either.

“I ended things.” His answer just comes in the for of a small nod. There is no need for anything more.

“I honestly thought you were going to reject me again.” He ends his sentence with a chuckle and completely relaxes in my hold. Now that the tension is gone, we can go back to where we left off, slowly rebuilding what was lost.

“I was just playing with you, I’m sorry. But no more being an asshole okay? I promise I will kick your ass.” My giggling might undermine the threat a little to others. Luckily, he knows I’m serious.

“I will give you full permission to, but you’ll never have to. I’m going to dump so much love on you that you’ll regret ever even thinking about taking me back. You’re stuck with me now though, so you better be prepared.”

Pulling himself back a little, he plants a gentle kiss on my lips. And then another one, a second one, three more, each kiss more passionate than the last. A fire spreads throughout my body, burning away the few doubts I had left with success. Eventually, to my dismay, I have to pull back for air. Damn humans for needing oxygen.

“Oh? I’d like to see you try.”

Just in case you were wondering, I never did regret it.

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painted-crow · 3 years

Text

Submission time #19

so i’ve been spending the last little bit unburning my lion primary. now i’m sort of lost on secondary? i suspect i have bird in there somewhere but i’m having a hard time separating my natural secondary and a model that i really like and find helpful. (or maybe it’s the now-surprisingly-loud lion primary drive for authenticity coming through?) so if it’s okay with you, i’ll take a crack at some of the quiz questions and see if there’s anything of note? spacing might be weird—i’m on mobile :/

Sure thing!

When you succeed, how influential in that success were the people around you?

my answer to this one depends on the day. yes, they’re extremely influential; no, i don’t always like it. not because i don’t appreciate or need the help but because it got into my head in a funny way growing up. i’ve always been tremendously lucky to have people who love and want to help me, but like... it gets to the point where it feels like i’m nothing on my own. how much of this is a favour? what do i owe you? are you just trying to spare my feelings or because i’m related to someone else? i’m desperate to be able to say (and believe) that i’ve done something for myself on my own terms.

Ooh, okay. So, you've maybe got some caretaker Badgers around you, but that's not you--you don't really value this in yourself, even if it's how the community around you works. If you have any Badger secondary, it's anxious.

Do people consider you charismatic?

charisma is SUCH a concept. it gives off such an animal magnetism, face of the revolution vibe, which is not me at all. i have to work hard to be nice bc most people deserve the benefit of the doubt (as i repress the instinct to be judgy and mean LMAO) and also bc it just works better socially? flies and honey and all that. i also have very specific ways of being nice: “mom friend” and “hypercompetent rookie in line of succession” and “spicy and nonjudgmental confidante” which, granted, are already all parts of my personality just emphasized for clarity. i think of it like... personality colour correction, or... code-switching i guess.

You've literally just described Actor Bird. Also, you're not very nice when you describe yourself, are you?

people tend to like me more than i like me, though, and it catches me a little by surprise every time. maybe it’s just because i live in my own head and it’s a lot quieter and more anxious up here. it does suck a little, suddenly being worried that like “ooh ppl only like what u show them but that’s not how u rlly are”

Lions (primary or secondary) and Actor Bird can really clash... it sounds like you're discovering that your primary doesn't like this tactic as it unburns. Also, I think Bird masks just take a lot of energy if used long term. That might be me though.

so i’ll Sprinkle In Some Light Trauma to gauge the reaction (and regret it immediately). the truth is that not many people make it past the social utility part of friendship and so i don’t rlly... feel safe? putting down the masks which are designed to smooth interactions in any case. (so i guess YES but actually no i’m charismatic but also that’s a very different public facing side)

Yeah, this is all Actor Bird so far. Also, hugs.

Do you like going into situations with a plan?

mmm. i don’t think i plan so much as i attempt to see into the future and force my best outcome. i HATE going in blind—if i can a way around something, i will, but if i can’t it has to at least be a good and sensible attempt. most of the plans i usually put together have coping-mechanism, doodling while on a phone call energy: too granular to ever implement, just something to put order to the things you’re thinking.

This is still lots of Bird energy. Plans don't always look the same, you know? And some of us barely use 'em at all.

like, i do have all my degree requirements and preferred classes listed out, because that’s important and i should have that sorted out correctly before declaring my major. but the hour by hour daily schedule is more of a thing to make me feel in control and like i’ve put the work into considering it.

i’m also a stereotypical nerd: i have an english/history brain, i write a lot, i fall down personality inventory rabbit holes for fun, i pick up random things that end up relevant years later, nothing was as distressing as not being able to read for fun bc university was just Too Much—you know the drill.

I do, but not everyone is like this. You're probably a Bird, and I wonder if you're taking your secondary for granted because you feel like it's expected of you.

but for someone who plans as a coping mechanism, it’s also sometimes the best way to put me off. like i don’t know, being friends, which is the only thing in my life where traditional overthinking would RUIN it absolutely.

i know someone who semi-despairingly refers to herself as machiavellian because she interacts with people like it’s 4D chess.

Huh, so your friends don't talk about themselves very nicely either.

collects info, reshapes her entire personality into something designed to appeal to whoever she’s talking to. i tried not to get into motive bc socializing really is like That sometimes, but i couldn’t imagine pulling that off. i talk big game about acting a certain way, but only in ways that are already part of me yk? if i couldn’t believe i was being legit in some way i’m like 97% sure it would show through somehow and make it real weird.

You're still on Actor Bird. Your friend might have a Snake model? but you're an Actor Bird.

How do you feel about shortcuts?

work smart not hard, she says, working hard anyway bc she needs to see all the little things fall into place just to make sure that they do.

seriously though, that is for “important enough” things: i need to see it done to standard. i can rest only with a job well done kind of thing—due diligence so that any tomfoolery that goes down isn’t my fault and therefore no one can get mad at me.

This might be a Badger model, and I'm gonna take a shot in the dark and say you picked this up from your community because it's what they expect of you. You don't seem to take any joy in it, though; it seems like an anxious response.

also i have beef with the idea of being gullible, so i’m gonna see it with my OWN EYES. for less important things, it’s a heart says yes mind says no situation. i love the shortcut that saves time and effort but keeps the quality, which is plentiful when it’s like. pasta sauce, but not when it’s like. the Donner party heading to california. i would love to shorten that stuff, but the consequences of a poorly done shortcut are more painful than the slog.

Bird modeling Badger. Yep.

Do you feel the need to keep the peace?

(it didn’t come up on this run of the quiz but i’ve been mulling over for a while!)

Huh. This question doesn't always come up? I always get it. I have to assume it's the quiz checking for Badger.

i’ve got a fairly bad temper and a transparent face. so no—i’m not much for keeping the peace. i can do it properly if compelled, but it’s exhausting and irritating and only really makes me resentful of the emotional labour.

Whether you can keep the peace is kind of separate from whether you feel you should, but you also really dislike being in that role. You're modeling some Bookkeeper Badger, which doesn't actually make you happy, and you really don't seem to like using Courtier for anything.

does it bother me when people fight? yeah, like most people do when it’s a rift-causing argument in a group they care strongly about, but if i’m not more loyal to one side of the dispute i’m much more likely to take out all the parties and have done with it. i’ve been known to fight back or even start stuff if the cause is important enough, or i have spleen to vent, but i’m a very messy arguer so staying out of it and collecting receipts in the background is much more my style.

Wonder if you've got some Lion secondary hiding out in your Houses. You don't like going into things unprepared, but maybe there's a Lion model you could be nurturing that would make you happier than that Badger mess that's been pushed on you.

anyway. this was long. made me think harder about badger than i thought. lots of feelings, but def not as sad as the ones i typed up and deleted ages ago which i elect to count as progress. thanks for making it this far hahahah

Yay! Progress!

Yeah, I don't think you're a Badger. It really doesn't make you happy. You sound like a Bird to me: actor Bird, rapid fire Bird, but not Badger. Not Snake, either; if you're a rapid fire or actor Bird (or both) you might mis-Sort yourself into Snake, but I'm not getting that from you.

--Paint

#sortinghatchats #submission #ravenclaw secondary #hufflepuff secondary model #rapid fire bird #actor bird #paint speaks

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fuckmessier16 · 3 years

Text

[Tw: sexual assault, self harming, mental illnesses, alcoholism......]

I always come here and just complain that im depressesed and anxious, why do i feel like that? No big reason, im lonely, and shy, and everything is too much for me to do, i cant properly study on college, because im depressed and i get anxious about....... studying, because in 2017/2018 i put a lot of effort on graduation, and then burnout, binge drinking as a cope mechanism, still studying, attempted to kill myself on the day before of the classes restart after the summer break, i tried to pretend nothing (i mean, who never tried to kill themselves, right?) And was anxious and blah blah

I mean: im shy, im too dumb for college, didnt know how to take care of myself, romanticized bad cope mechanisms and i overthink and dramatize every social contact i have

I mean, that's basically what i say here, right?

I was thinking today, i just.........

I don't know, like

When i was 5 i passed through an accident and i had 4 fingers amputaded

Once when i was 10-12 my brother (2 years older) took photos of me naked, i was asking him to stop and my parents didnt ANYTHING about it (im not sure if my brother already used to watch hentai at the time, like, full of incest, pedophile and rape)

When i was 11 a stranger touched me on the beach twice

When i was 19 my ex boyfriend ignored me asking him to stop to slap me during sex once (i like bdsm, but not on that moment). He KNEW i have problems saying "no", but that night i was "dont do that, not now.... stop... no, no no, no [safeword], yellow, stop doing that". We were A BIT drunk, and i remember he took a photo of us after the sex and my face was RED because i was CRYING (he already did something like that with an ex. I didnt broke up, we are still friends today)

One of the reasons i had poor self esteem during my teen years was because i was questioning my sexuality and i felt like a horrible human being not knowing how to talk about it to my potential partners

I mean, its not like i passed through a lot of shit, but i could complain here about sexual assault, but no, i talk about how sad i am because Possum doesnt notice me (in a normal way). I say "oh, im depressed and alcoholic, i cant find a job lol"......... i dont know

Like, actually i dont really care that much about the sexual stuff i said above. To be honest, i think (and my mom already talked about it) i have depression and social anxiety because of the accident i had as a child....

I dont even know what i want to say with this post. I guess "hey, you there, i know im a failure, but i have some reasons for that!"

"Oh, a stranger tried to touch my vagina when i was 11? Oh i dont care. But goddamn, i was SO FUCKING DEPRESSED because once in 2019 i tried to cheer my friend Thunder up (she was depressed/suicidal), she and her boyfriend invited me for a last minute menagea trois, but she got mad and they didnt talk to me again. I was guilty, so i cope self harming while masturbating haha now i get triggered when i see sexual scenes on movies (or gore) LMAO"

Lol

#mine

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astro-break · 4 years

Text

Quick first thoughts on the first ep of the Hypmic Anime. Spoilers beware (and im writing this as I watch so :p)

Otome’s speech is.... questionable from a persuasive point of view. Manga did a great job of introducing her (which you can read here) but they really cut out the more terrifying parts of her speech and how she uses force to show people that she's not to be messed with

Its cool seeing everyone in their respective environments though. thats cool. Though they could have added Sasara and Kuuko (shhh i know why they didn’t let me dream)

I love how poppy the typography is. Its amazing how the visuals just leap out at you. The OP does a great job of this. The first few seconds before the title really gives me Persona 4 OG OP vibes with the influx of information given. The rest is a clear concise and streamlined way that still gives character. Animation is sparse but still carries across a general idea of each character and shows off each character object. Rendering is really nice and pays a bit of homage to the posing artwork thats done for the MVs. They also do their division hand signals and thats cute

Love how the OP has blatant HifuDoppo and DRB matchup foreshadowing

so far I really like what theyre going for. BB is about brotherly familial bonds and they show the goods and the bads. Jiro and Saburo bickering right out the gate really cements the fact that they get along like cats and dogs but you can still see that they love each other, working together when the situation calls for it

Now the 3d models. Theyre... not great but usable if you don’t look too hard. They serve their purpose and don’t actively detract from the viewing experience.

Visual typography in the rap itself are fun and poppy but they dont.... speak to me? like theyre there yes and I appreciate them but the only ones that got me excited were from Ichiro’s rap

I take my words back the group portion was kickass and I apologize

I love how they interpret the Hypnosis Speakers though. Esp. Saburo’s organs. That was super creative and I love it! If there was one thing that I felt was missing from the franchise was a deeper exploration of the speakers but the anime puts a new and fresh spin on it! Love it, especially with their attack patterns!

If the production team ever feels inclined to, Id love to see those info sheets on Otome’s desk released. There seems to be very interesting info and stats written out about each member (like capabilities, personal status etc.) They all seem unique too so I really really really hope they release images of those sheets

OOOOOOOOKAY MTC. I have such a big biased for them so Im very torn to see what unfolds

Rio striking out on his own is interesting. Out of everyone in MTC hes the biggest team player yet here he trusts his teammates to go ahead. This either displays Rio’s willingness to trust his teammates or it becomes very OOC if the anime wants to set him up as a lone wolf like character

I love how they specify its a drug deal. It means that Jyuto surely will show up and it also shows that Samatoki knows Jyuto’s motives and willingly gives black market info that he knows aligns with Jyuto’s goal. Thats A+ detail writing there and a great establishing characteristic for both of them

OOohhhhhhhhhhhhh man Asunama-san’s voice acting is god tier his work as Samatoki is phenomenal. He pulls of Samatoki’s threatening voice so well with those almost calm words before his voice becomes loud and confrontational. Those rolling syllables in contrast to Komada-san’s almost lyrical and airy speech and Kamio-san’s strict and enunciated words is such a delight to hear. It just speaks to how amazing and great these Seiyuu’s are in order to pull of such amazing work

Im so biased but MTC has such a better rap than BB im so sorry. Just by watching Samatoki’s part, the imagery is amazing. Even the arrival of his Hypnosis Speaker was awesome and sent a shiver down my spine. using the lyrics to form blades and blood was such a great thing to do. Theres so much more variety that just him standing there and shots of his hypnosis speaker. The old fashioned vignette shots, the four panel spread, the nods to old Kurosawa era films are great and I love these small details. Even the typography looks better.

Again, the interpretations with the speakers is fresh and new. Its great and I love the different imagery and attack patterns. Each one is so unique but carries across each different style of rap.

The 3d modles aren’t any better tho lol

(Hi this is Astro who is reading over their assessment again and making a note. Yeah I’m a bit harsh on BB’s rap. I’m not going to change it since I still stand by it and this post is supposed to be a documentation of my first impressions. I think one of the reasons why I’m so harsh on BB is because of their dynamic as a trio of brothers. They Have to have a more uniform approach than the other divisions. Which in of itself isn’t a terrible thing, it just doesn’t catch my eye as much as MTC did. Thats all! I definitely don’t hate BB, they’re maybe my 3rd favorite division out of the current lineup [not including TDD era teams like Kujaku Posse, MCD, and Naughty Busters] its just that their rap was pretty meh)

Samatoki crouching like a real gangstar and the cigarette kiss killed me

sadjkhfjkasdghsadjkcsdjhsdfsjhf im dying i love these trio of dumbasses so uch oh y fod someone save me aaaaaaaa (Astro note here! yeah i died when the jyuto and samatoki’s stomach growled im weak please. Samatoki’s face is just so precious and funny I might set it as a profile pic somewhere)

But also my initial assessment of Rio possibly being characterized as a lone wolf is very much jossed and im very thankful for that. It seems that Rio was simply trusting his teammates to carry out their part of the plan while he carried out his own. I like that, it really shows how much of a team these three are and that they genuinely trust each other. He’s also comfortable enough around them to invite them to dinners after work casually and not just for special occasions.

I really love MTC guys

Oooh! we get Ramuda on his design process which is really cute. the inside of his studio is super cute and retro and i love it. the poppy old music you would hear in a cafe or 90′s resturaunt is also really cute (astro note: yeah i know that in ARB you see the interior of Ramuda’s office but its kinda different seeing it animated)

the translation i have has gentaro speaking in early modern english (Shakespearian english for those who aren’t english nerds like me) but from what I can hear, he doesn’t speak in a particularly old fashioned way? Its more formal than old? and hes speaking without any of his character persona lying thing that he likes to do (as he refers to himself as “Shousei” throughout the segment where hes in Ramuda’s office which is kind of his default pronoun of choice). so its kinda odd for the translation to go in that direction but im not complaining

Gendice banter is gold but it feels... flat? a little? it doesn’t have the same impact as in the drama cds or in the manga? i feel? Also Ramuda using gratuitous english is??? idk how to feel about that

kjshf thats against the rules Ramuda omgggg,,,,,,,, (astro note again: while watching i was under the assumption that using your hypmic for monetary gain such a as buskering [which is what FP is doing] is against the rules. May not be the case but whatever)

FP’s rap might be my favorite in terms of tune and lyrics though. It’s a nice laid back bop and really gives of chill vibes. the integration of 3d and 2d is really nice and i love how they play off each other in the rap. The wordplay is so fun with little nods here and there and the beat is poppy too so it really energizes me.

Ramuda’s rap concerns me slightly since he makes very subtle and small nods towards his past (being created in a laboratory, warfare, and his overall very unpleasant life experiences) but spins it into something cutesy. It could be a coping mechanism, it could be me overthinking it. But it does make me worry a bit. Gentaro and Dice’s rap really play off each other with Gentaro sticking to stories and Dice taking up the baton by carrying on that same imagery but putting his own spin on it.

the self awareness of how scattered they are as a team is interesting though. It doesn’t seem like something you’d speak about in a rap? but i guess since its not really a do or die situation they can afford to be looser on things like this.

Right off the bat, i don’t like how they handled Hifumi and Doppo in relation to Hifumi’s fear of women. Slug made a post once talking about this and I echo many of his sentiments. Hypmic has never been very tactful about tackling this particular issue and while I didn’t have high hopes that the anime would be any better it hurts to see Doppo take away the one thing that allows Hifumi to function within society.

Doppo’s breakdown mirrors a lot of my own mental state when I spiral though its shown a lot quicker than what happens to me oof. that hits close to home. though Jakurai’s advice is. Questionable. Its not the best advice to give to someone but we have no idea what kind of doctor Jakurai is so ill let it slide

Jakurai’s pose looks like hes going to do a mahou shoujou transformation lmao

I don’t have many thoughts about the rap though again. How they visualize the rap is interesting. the different imagery is quite interesting for each of them and the typography is nice a distinct but im still on the fence about the visuals here

The sound is in the same boat. The sound effects either drown out the rap or are too quet but some parts are nice at least. When they talk about Tokyo’s beating heart, the heartbeat sound is a but distracting especially since its only played once. But the imagery is at least nice

I wonder if for the eds they’re going to take a similar approach to what Enstars did and have a four different endings, one for each division. I love the blend of styles here and it really accentuates that although they’re different they mesh well together.

Ramuda’s silhouette though is hilarious. Love it.

:p and thats it. Uh not bad for a first episode. Established all 12 characters really nicely and their dynamics. I had some problems with it but then again nothing is perfect. I look forward to what they show us next week

#hypnosis mic #hypmic #hypnosis mic rhyme anima #hypnosis mic rythme anima spoilers #hypmic spoilers #my post

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oikaw-ugh · 4 years

Note

HI BABE NUMBER 4 FOR THE CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE PLSSSS

HELLO SOPH! NO WORDS CAN EXPRESS HOW I’M SO HAPPY THAT I GET TO SHARE MY OC IMSUCHANERD-

Full name

Nakajima Fujita (Breathing form: Breath of Art)

Preferred name/nickname

Fujita (for the lOVE OF GOD, DO NOT CALL HER FUJI SHE HATES IT)

Generally referred to as

The one with the brother complex HAHAHAHAHAH

Appearance.

Speech.

Sex: Female

Height: She’s gonna kill me for this but she’s 5 flat :’)

Weight: Somewhere around 55-75 kilos hehe

Build: She used to be thin but when she became a slayer, she started developing curves.

Hair: Her hair is long, it reaches up to her waist and is jet black in color. Maria (another OC from this universe) once suggested she should cut her hair but she refused because her brother likes it long. HAHAHAHHA

She used to bun it at all time but it becomes a hassle during missions so she buns half of her hair instead, the rest on lose.

Skin: Described as ‘porcelain and smooth’ by Amida (another OC from this universe) and is prone to sunburn so she hates travelling at day which is inevitable lol.

Eyes: Her eyes are crimson red in color. Maris likes to joke that she has ‘bloodshot eyes’. As for shape, they are round, almost similar to a doll.

Mouth: Thin.

Hands: Smail and slim. They used to be very smooth but she started earning callouses the longer she is a slayer.

Feet: Small.

Scars: None.

Other features: None.

Noteable features: Amida, Maria, and Junko (the other 3 OCs) kept on saying she reminded them of Japanese dolls.

Mannerisms.

Accent: None

Verbal Ticks: None

Language: Let’s assume they speak Nihonggo.

Articulation: She loves to use poetic words. By poetic, we mean words that are not familiar to Amida just to piss him off. For some reason, explaining herself is a difficult task for her. She just expects anyone to immediately understand her.

Laughter: She mostly scoffs, especially when she mocks Amida and Maria (lmao she has no guts to mock Junko. I mean, who does?) for doing something stupid. But when she’s genuinely happy, she laughs so loud and it’s very contagious, she’d even snort.

Grump: None

Breathing: Fujita is usually composed but when she finds something new or interesting, you’d hear her gasp like a child and it’s cute.

Health:

Face: She squints her eyes as if she’s reading whenever she tries to think. Also, she always has this scowling face and Amida, Junko, and Maria are convinced that she’s just disgusted with everything. kinda true.

Hands: None.

Legs/Feet: None

Habits: She likes to run her fingers through her hair or to play with the tips of her strands. It’s a coping mechanism.

Posture: Very poised! ‘Lady-like’ the way she was taught to pose.

Walking posture: Very poised as well.

Sitting posture: Very well-mannered (especially in Japan’s way of sitting? Where your knees are folded?)

Personal space: She hates people who stand or sit too close to her...well, except her brother and her husband :))))

Spacial awareness: VERY MUCH AWARE! She’d flinch at almost everything she finds disgusting. A slight brush of your skin would send her yeeting!

Personal.

Diet: Picky-eater. She loves sweets, tho.

Sleep: She sleeps early! Her maids always made sure she slept early so it became a habit.

Excercise: Nope. She hates physicaly activities despite being a demon slayer.

Activity: She does not like to move a lot. She even lets Maria do the chores. She expects everyone to work for her, similar to how the maids work for her all the time. Ik it's weird because she's a slayer, she's supposed to be very active but nah

Cleanliness: SHE HATES GETTING DIRTY. Which is a problem since she slays demons for a living.

Odour: Amida once said she smelled like home :’))) Maria said she smelled exoensive and Junko said she smelled like water.

Medical drugs: None

Narcotics: None

Addictions: None

Illness: None

Injuries: None

Parasites: None

Other:

The Past.

Introvert/Extrovert: I would say an extro. She’s from a wealthy family and is very confident on everything she does. In fact, she approached Amida and Maria first (the reason why they became friends)

Optimist/Pessimist: in between? She doesn’t really care of what happens.

Gender: Female

Sexuality: She knew she was straight. Then she met Amida, a bisexual. And that...kinds of blow her off to this day.

Romantic: She’s never tried it and she feels like she would never. bUT SIKEEEE she is now married.

Memory: Depends. If it’s about her brother, then yes. It’s sharp. But if it’s about her friends, kind of sharp. But if it’s about things she doesn’t give a fuck, no. Her memory sucks. If it's about her husband, though...she remembers every little thing about him which I find cute.

Planning: No. She goes with the flow most of the time. Maria and Amida does all the planning in their missions (they do missions together).

Pensive: No. But if the actions has been done...she’d overthink of it whether if it was too much or stuff.

Intuition: Kind of...good of making right decisions at the same time no. She’s very spontaneous, I can’t tell.

Goals: TO KILL ALL THE DEMONS.

Insecurities: None. She’s ‘perfect’.

Achievements: She killed the demon who killed her brother. Well, we’d like to think of it that way. She raided the demon den where her brother was assigned to raid and she killed every single one of them successfully.

Anxiety: Back when her brother was still alive, she’s always anxious if his letters during missions wouldn’t come. But know, she's afraid of losing her friends, especially that they separated ways after the defeat of demons.

Overwhelmed: During her brother’s death, she felt everything was too much she actually ran away from her own home. She was also very overwhelmed when a cErTain sOmEonE asked for her hand in marriage

Self-help: Dealing with her own problems, she kinds of let the others do it for her :))) (she used to order Amida around and she’d pay him with her money lmao)

Comforts: Her brother. Unfortunately, he’s gone. But now, she finds comfort from Maria, Junko, and Amida (especially Amida).

Philosophy: OOOOH I haven’t thought of that.

Triggers: Mention of her brother, death from demons, demons, Amida getting hurt (this is rooted to the fact that she kinds of see her brother on Amida or something) and her friends getting hurt.

She also thinks it’s very important for her, Maria, and Junko to marry someone wealthy after they retire which Maria and Junko objects as they had their experiences with men. She'd eventually take this back though as no rich man has given her the happiness and contentment Amida was able to offer.

Parents/Guardians: Her father is old but is very supportive of his children. She’s very close to his brother so when she found out about his sudden death, she did not take it easy. She ran away, swearing that she’d kill the demon who killed him.

Along the way she found Amida, Maria, and Junko. Spontaneous as they can be, the four became demon slayers and they had to return to her home for temporary refuge.

School: No. But she was pampered well by her household.

Adolescence: She actually tried to shape herself into someone her brother would love.

Leaving home: She swore she’d kill the demon who killed her brother, resulting to her suddenly running away. Though she came back months after, wounded, along with Maria, Amida, and Junko as they came from a bloody mission and they needed temporary refuge. Her father was surprised and somehow upset but was more glad that he finally knew what has happened to his daughter.

Further education:

Life events: She ran away from home, went to different villages and she eventually met Amida (I’m not gonna describe too much since this is a huge event for Amida), she eventually met Maria who is a Demon Slayer which enticed her to join as well.

Worst day of their life: When demon slayers went to her household, bringing along with them his brother’s blood and torn uniform.

Lessons: She learned that though her brother would never come back, she can at least avenge him.

Looking back: She never regretted the things she did. She never regretted staining her hands for the sake of her brother.

Relationships.

Interactions.

Family: Redundant but her brother is very important to her but now, she gained new friends she consider as family. As for Amida, she finds him very special. It’s either because he reminded her of her brother or it’s because of how Amida looked like when they first met.

In the future, Fujita would return home after the demon's defeat and she'd have surprise visits from Amida who was looking for "solace". These visits became something she anticipates, almost similar to the feeling when she awaits for her brother's letters. And before she knew it, she grow more fond of Amida each visit. She fell in love.

Friendships: She had lady friends from different household but she never felt the sense of friendship not until she met Maria, Fujita, and Amida.

Friends in need: Fun fact: When she saw Amida for the first time, she was horrified and so, she treated him with good clothing and good food.

Annoyance: Dealing with arguments, expect Fujita to SCREAM a lot. She wants to prove her point. She wants everyone to understand her and she thinks screaming is the best way to extend her thoughts.

Romance: She liked the thought but dismissed it anyways as she cannot imagine herself living the rest of her life with someone who is not her brother. She does see herself marrying someone wealthy once she retires.

SIKE! SHE MARRIED AMIDA.

Marital problems: None so far.

Adversaries: -

Enemies: DEMONS. And anyone who hurts her friends and brother.

Strangers: She does not hold back when she’s with strangers so people who do not know her think she’s actually very arrogant (which she is) and bitchy. It’s just her personality, though.

Fun stuff: SHE LOVES PAINTING, HENCE HER BREATHING FORM (BREATH OF ART). She likes Haiku and paintings!

Dating: None because she's married.

Best friend: Amida, Maria, and Junko

Love: She considers her brother her love of her life. Whether it is romantically or not, I have no clue. This was her thinking not until she fell in love with Amida.

Respect: She respects no one but her friends and her brother. Especially Maria, she respects her so much.

I’m not gonna include Life ‘cause most of it don’t apply to them hehehehe

Mingling: She does not go along with others well due to her personality.

Comfort levels: She does not feel anxious or bothered when talking to people. It should be the other way around. How dare they bother her-

Physical: No she doeesn’t like affectionate actions.

Group: She’s fine with groups. She doesn’t feel anxious. It should be the other way around.

Jealous: She’s jealous of those who still have their brother on their side.

Temper: SHORT. She likes it when she annoys others but annoy her once, she won’t hesitate using her breathing form on you.

Empathy: She surprisingly empathize to those who lost their loved ones from demons.

Affectionate: She shows her affectionate like a tsundere would do. She’d be subtle and like, defensive when caught in the act HAHAHAH

Distaste: I know that she use to emphasize how she is disgusted with Amida but it’s her Tsundere self kicking in. When she really dislikes someone, she’d ignore them completely.

Responsibility: The only responsibility she knows is keeping herself alive and keeping her friends safe. That’s all.

Self-esteem: HIGH. VERY CONFIDENT. You can say she is the spokesperson of the group.

Honesty: She’s very honest with her thoughts. But if you want her to speak of something personal, now that’s difficult. But surprisingly, she opens to Amida very easily.

Leader or follower: Follower. She admires Maria and thinks Maria knows what’s best especially on missions.

Praise: She loves praises! She likes it when people point out her well-done hair, her beautiful clothes, her beautiful breathing form. But let Amida compliment Fujita and you’d see her blushing as she tries to diss him >=}}}

Criticism: She will only accept them if they came from Maria or her brother.

Insults: She takes it hard! She’d think of that all the time and she’d try to prove it to you that you’re wrong. She’s basically a royalty! How dare you insult her?

Embarrassment: She takes compliments well....if they aren’t from Amida or his brother.

Flirting: This is a lowkey Tsundere, Ma’am. We know no flirting!

Attention span: Very short lived if she does not take interest in it. But let Maria speak and she’d be all ears.

---

I know no one asked but I have 4 OCs from Demon Slayer universe and I'd love to create this with them but I'm confused on which OC do I make one first.

So pick a number between 1 and 4 :) (Number 4 is out-)

#kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba fanart #kimetsu no yaiba oc #kny fanart #kny fandom #kny oc #demon slayer fanart #demon slayer oc #demon slayer fandom #leiart #leia does art #Fujita #NYAHAHHAHA

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do-not-cry-little-ones · 4 years

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Matchup exchange with Chance!

Just in case anyone is looking to do a matchup exchange with me~

- I’m a straight female, and any fandom that you write for is ok (even tho I still have a lot of animes on my watchlist and most likely haven’t watched what you want to match me up with lmao), but I’d prefer BNHA and/or Haikyuu!! if that’s okay :)

- any age is okay but, please, like, don’t match me up with like an 80 year old man...

- appearance: people have told me I look kinda intimidating, or aloof, and I mean...it’s kinda true, it’s mostly coz I don’t really pay attention to strangers and stuff, & I keep to myself a lot. I’m not intimidating because of my looks, it’s just the way I tend to behave around people I don’t know. I’m 5’8, & people have told me I’m pretty(I don’t wear makeup so I take it to heart when someone compliments me on my looks 😌)

- If you want actual looks, then I have long wavy brown hair, slightly slanted light brown eyes, lanky(lmao), pretty muscly,

- fashion sense...what the heck is that? Look, I’ll find something in my closet & wear it for like a week lmao. But in all seriousness, my style is probably just tomboy/casual sorta thing.

- I’ve asked people what colour i remind them of and they've said dark green?

- I’m a good listener & will try my best to help out if you need to rant or whatever, but my advice/help is usually practical & will be something to actually solve the problem, not support you emotionally.

- I’m thougthful and tend to look too deeply into things(like songs and movies) & I sometimes overthink things and miss an easier solution to a situation or send myself into a spiral of what if they don’t like me was I talking too loud no I shouldn’t have said that it was stupid-

- I’m an ambivert, leaning introvert, so while I love hanging out, I need space as well.

- I think of myself as a chameleon; I’ll match my energy levels to those around me & my sense of humour as well, but if someone is TOO different, I’ll get tired because of me having to change myself to fit them. But I get along with most people just fine, I’m just really awkward.

- I’m pretty chaotic at times & I love chaotic people as well, just not too chaotic that I can’t match it.

- I looooove learning about different people, like I’m just so fascinated by different personalities & how the brain works. It’s just so interesting!!!

- I’m sarcastic, but I also have a very dark sense of humour. Ooooo I also love puns, but I don’t wanna hear the same one over & over again.

- I’m basically emotionally constipated & I literally never EVER talk about my feelings yay. So I get really stressed if I keep things pent up too long(which is most of the time).

- I did the enneagram type personality test once & I got type one. One of the main points that I related with was when it said that type ones are emotional restrictors(or something like that I can’t remember). It basically means that I try not to feel certain emotions. For example, anger is a so called “bad” emotion, so whenever I feel it, I try to suppress it coz, in my eyes, it’s a “bad” emotion.

- I feel responsible for everything, so you’ll notice little things about me like: not sleeping during a car ride, always looking at the road, stuff like that. I’m constantly aware of everything around me coz I think that no one else is paying any attention so that loads more stress on to me.

- I don’t think I take situations seriously enough & one of my coping mechanisms is laughing or joking about it...

- I don’t have very high self-confidence but I hide it yay.

- I’m pretty relaxed when I want to be but I’m said to be too criticaI and pick on small insignificant things.

- though I don’t particularly like being the center of attention, I LOVE the thrill of being in the spotlight for a singing performance, or a play or whatever thing I’m doing atm.

- I have a very strong moral compass, and am often known as a ‘goody-two shoes’, but I don’t like to be one. It’s just a worry about people and I won’t do something that’s morally wrong(to me).

- It also kinda ties in with my responsibility thing, because I don’t think anyone else will have the common sense to not do something stupid.

- Though while I am I stickler for rules, I don't actually like them myself. It stems from my hate of being trapped by things, physically and metaphorically. Physically, I just hate the thought of being under something and not being able to do anything about it. For example, if I flip a canoe over in the water and I end up under it, I will freak out internally, though on the outside I’ll just look uncomfortable. Metaphorically, I don’t like being held back by rules, though I am a stickler for them, and I don’t like the restraint it forces me to have on my freedom.

- Hobbies: I sing!! Like a lot, tho not in front of my friends or family & I’ve done many performances. I write,,,,too much,,,and I end up procrastinating a bunch coz of it...but I try to stop...unsuccessfully...ANYway, I also draw & read, & I love mountain climbing!! Also I play a few sports & looking to get into more lmao, so I’m pretty athletic & muscular.

- What I look for in a partner: honesty, charisma, assertiveness(I definitely won’t be the one to initiate ANYTHING), a want for adventure, good sense of humour, genuine feelings, mature, caring, IM HIGH KEY TOUCH STARVED SO BE PREPARED

- But, like I said, my partner will have to be the one to initiate physical contact or else I won’t feel welcomed to touch them. ALSO I LOVE IT WHEN PEOPLE PLAY WITH/DO MY HAIR!!! It’s just so nice to feel someone raking their fingers through my hair...

I hope this is enough :)

#matchup exchange #Idk what I’m doing #relish-the-freezing-silence #matchup exchange with relish-the-freezing-silence

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aaallliiieee · 4 years

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I had too much wine at lunch and it was only one glass lmao but honestly I think I'm gonna go straight edge for the next few months/years bc I do feel better without substances and I'm tired of getting stuck in my head and feeling unsteady/disconnected when what I really want is to be connecting with people... (The problem is when the bad vibes come up, the only way I've learned how to deal with them is to smoke weed until I get over it, but I also know that there's probably better coping mechanisms like dancing/making art and I need to start indulging in those activities rather than just covering the problem in cobwebs and pretending they're not there...) Anyway I have a lot of little things that feel like problems that I want to get sorted out and tuck in all the loose ends of my life etc and I think the only way to really make progress is to just stop smoking/drinking/overthinking and just deal with things head on one at a time...

Just saying this here makes me anxious bc on the surface I don't want things to change and I want to keep everything the way it is but also deep down I know I've been suffering with this chronic anxiety/depression and the only way to move past it is to get to the root of the issue and take control and hold myself accountable for my own happiness... I'm always waiting for permission or acceptance or approval from others and the thing is everyone else just wants me to be happy and figure out what I'm doing lol they don't care what it is they just want some sense of security that I know what I'm doing and I'm in control... People get antsy at the idea that I don't know what's going on and I'm just waiting to see what the world wants from me; people like to feel like you know what's going on and you're in control of yourself and you're doing things on purpose with intention and care...

Anyway I'm drunk what am I saying the point is I'm allowed to be happy and I'm allowed to change the things I don't like and I'm allowed to be in control and take charge of my life and spend more time with my grandparents... I owe it to them more than I owe it to anyone else, right? I owe it to myself more than anyone though... Of all the people in my life that I'm trying to please or prove myself, I owe it to myself to be happy and find my calling and feel fulfilled with my work every day.

I'm an artist god damn it and when have you ever seen such an insecure baby make it as a successful artist! (That's not true a lot of successful artists are insecure babies actually...) I'm not trying to be a successful artist I'm trying to be a fulfilled human being and I'm going to figure out the meaning of life and I'm going to help other lost souls find their light and it's going to happen by the time I'm 45 but that's only 20 more years so I have to get started right away and never waiver in my mission bc 20 years ago I started off on this path and I'm halfway and now we have the uphill journey and it's gonna be hard work but what else can we do, we made it to the bottom of the canyon and now we have to climb back up the other side... Take it 10 steps at a time and rest at every corner and you'll be at the top before you know it

#personal #update #rambling #life goals

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dazaaaaaaaai · 5 years

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Can we get a couple of how Dazai, Atsushi and Ranpo (separately) would treat their s/o? :3c

ok ok so I wasn’t sure if you meant treat as in how they would treat their s/o as in how they would like, behave towards their s/o in a relationship or like how they would treat their s/o to like dinner or something idk lmao (I’m not even sure if this makes sense. Engrish is h a r d). i kind of went with the first, but it kind of turned into general relationships hcs , sorry. I do hope you will enjoy it tho because I kind of overdid it lol

How Dazai, Atsushi, and Ranpo would treat their s/o:

They areall good boys and would treat their s/o well!!!!!

Dazai

Dazai hastrouble letting his guard down around people since he has a hard time trustingpeople. He’s really afraid of being disappointed by people. He doesn’t wantpeople to be the superficial people they too often end up being in his eyes.Although, if he’s serious about his relationship with his s/o, and if his s/ois serious about trying to understand him, then he would gradually lower hisguard and he would allow his s/o to at least attempt to unravel him. Dazaidoesn’t fully understand himself, having someone trying to understand him isweird for him. Building a good, healthy relationship with his s/o is going totake time. Trust is important in relationships but Dazai really needs to workon it. Dazai would never treat his s/o badly but warm feelings for someone andbeing accepted for who he is, is new for him, so in the beginning of arelationship there might be some reluctance from his side. This does not meanthat he’s going to treat his s/o badly. No, he just does not completely trustthem as of yet but he really is working on it. He does want this relationshipto work out.

Dazai isn’tthe type to just start a relationship (Although he definitely is the type to sleep around a lot). He doesn’t even like himself a whole lotso he likely wouldn’t understand why someone would actually like him. He mighteven be afraid of himself, afraid of being even less a human than all of thepeople in the world. His s/o would probably (unless they are assholes and soonto be dumped) really come to accept him completely for who is and it would makeDazai so so happy.

Woulddefinitely do everything for his s/o and would be willing to die for them. Hewouldn’t just tell his s/o that though, but his s/o would just know that theymean the world to him. Dazai isn’t the best at conveying his own emotions eventhough he is really great at reading others. Still, through small gestures andremarks, through the soft look in his eyes, through letting his s/o in, his s/owould know what and how much they mean to him.

Dazai willgrow fiercely protective of his s/o. He will use his wits to his advantage ifanyone even dares to hurt them. He will and sure that they regret it for therest of their lives.

Dazai isvery observant and if his s/o is having an off-day/not feeling well, he willdefinitely notice and will do everything to make his s/o feel better.

He’s stilla brat though. He’s a huge tease and would definitely try pranking his s/o just towind them up. He loves pushing buttons. He thinks it’s cute when his s/o reactsto his pranks and his teasing, but he does not mean any ill will and knows whento stop but he just loves to push buttons just a little. He won’t cross the line but he will try to come as close to that line as possible.

Would enjoybuying his s/o gifts every now and then. None of his s/o’s most secret desiresare a secret to him. He will definitely notice when his s/o quietly eyes a niceblouse just a bit longer than usual while they are quickly passing by thewindow of a shop. He will never get enough of the look in your eyes when hebuys them exactly the right thing.

Will show he cares through lots of spur-of-the-moment stuff like impromptu dates. If a great idea for a date just pops up in his mind he would be really excited to just do it and he will definitely make you drop whatever his s/o is doingand will take his s/o on the date! He loves taking his s/o anywhere really.

Woulddefinitely allow his s/o to use and take belongings that he normally wouldn’tlet anyone else use, like his headphones (but they shouldn’t use his headphonestoo much because they can’t hear him talking when they’re listening to musicand Dazai would definitely hate not getting enough attention from his s/o.)

Atsushi

Atsushi wouldprobably have no dating experience at first and would be at a loss. He’s the typeto freak out about lots of things will definitely kind of suck at the communicationspart of the relationship at first.

He mightnot pick up all of his s/o’s habits at first and he might misinterpret someactions and conversations. If a date for example doesn’t go as planned, he willpanic. He’s quite prone to overthinking, but that’s just mostly because of hisown insecurities. Will do his best to make up whatever mistake he thinks he hasmade, but chances are that his s/o didn’t even make a big deal out if it in thefirst place.

Will alwayswalk his s/o home, even during the day. He’s protective and he will lose it ifanyone dares to touch his s/o. Also, he just really likes chatting with his s/owhile walking somewhere and will try to compliment his s/o a lot, but not toomuch of course. Like a good boyfriend he doesn’t want to overcompliment themand come off wrong or weird.

Will growmore confident in himself in the relationship over time and will really open upand become so comfortable with just completely being hundred percent himself around his s/o and just tell his s/o all the small things he notices during the day that aren’t really big, but still interesting to him in some way and he will also really open up about his past in the orphanage. He will make sure that his s/o will be totally comfortable with being themselves around him.

As time passes by he will have figured outhis s/o pretty well and will know how to make them flustered and he might evendare to tease them! He just really likes his s/o!

He’s really big on morningtexts and good night texts! He never forgets to text! Not really the type to call unless it’surgent. His first thought in the morning and before bed will be about his s/oand he will let them know that. To Atsushi, it’s the little things that count! (Bonus points for his s/o if his s/o beats him to texting them in the morning or before bed!)

Lovestreating his s/o to whatever with whatever money he can miss. Will buy smallpresents and take them out for dinner whenever he can. He, too loves seeing the smile on his s/o when he buys them exactly the right thing.

Ranpo

Ranpo likelyhasn’t been in many serious relationships, if any at all. So even though Ranpowould really want to treat his s/o well, he might not… As in, he’s a deeplytraumatized individual still acting like a child while he’s already 26. (Noshade! Don’t kill me)

Once he’sin a serious relationship with someone, his inability to perform well in aneveryday situation might actually frustrate him. Ranpo is often blunt, to thepoint of actually being rude. How he was to be perceived by society isn’tsomething that would really bother him (if he even notices. No, I think hedoes, but it’s not of high enough importance. His childish nature is probably acoping mechanism and welcome to another episode of all the bsd character need mentalhelp). He can’t do simple things like taking the subway either and those thingsmight complicate a modern, mutual, healthy relationship. Yeah, it will definitelyfrustrate him. It might frustrate his s/o. If he’s serious about his s/o and hewill be, then he will try. He will try his so hard to the point he mightactually break down at some point when he fails to not completely mess up thefairly easy recipe for boiled tofu again or when he’s a bit insensitive againto his s/o because he just really notices everything about them and he justcannot not notice.

So hetries. He tries really hard. He notices everything about his s/o. He deductseverything there is to know about their s/o from the way they put on theirshoes, to the way they advert their eyes while being teased, from the books theyread, etc. He will know when his s/o is not feeling well and will try so hardto make them feel better, but in the beginning he might not always be assuccessful, because not everyone loves his snacks as much as he does, but hewill learn over time. That’s a given. He will improve.

One day hemight actually take his s/o on the subway to show off just how well he knowsthe subway (he memorized the maps and knows every station) and he will cook hiss/o their favorite food someday without setting the kitchen on fire and he willdefinitely grow to know exactly when not to push his s/o’s buttons.

He will getthere and will be the best detective and the best boyfriend in the world! (Justbe there for him s/o don’t be a fucking coward!!!!!!)

He willalso really like sharing snacks with his s/o. One of his favorite dates will definitelybe just buying a shitload of snacks separately and then sharing them all togetherwhile sitting on his bed or something.

y’all i really overdid this. don’t expect all my posts to be this long, especially when more than 1 character is requested. Also I’m not really content with Dazai’s and Ranpo, I can’t really figure them out as of yet.

I also didn’t proofread because I’m lazy and I probably wouldn’t be satisfied if I did proofread and change everything but I do hope you enjoyed, anon. I did enjoy writing it tho yeeeeeeeeeeehaw

#bsd headcanons #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bungou stray dogs headcanons #nakajima atsushi #dazai osamu #edogawa ranpo #dazai's is so much longer than the other i'm sorry lmaoooo

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moved-to-y3s4rs0n · 4 years

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Won't you look at that, more 3AM vent art. It's from a sketch I had posted on my instagram art account a while back. I used to add more and more things and details to the sketch every time I wasn't feeling mentally well as a way to vent, if that makes sense?? (Don't ask what's up with the mask, I don't even know, myself--) I found my chance to digitalize it and I took it, time taken was about four or five hours and now my eyes hurt-- I also don't know if I should put a mature content filter on this??? Welp since I'm used to giving context, let me introduce you Leviathan. Yeah, that psychotic demon boi with the mask n horns n such. Over the years, I have created characters with special abilities which they use as outlets of their emotions, of some short. Then one day I thought about creating an actual character that could be used as an outlet. Honestly, idk how to explain all this so here's the main idea. I created Leviathan not only as a character, but also as a way to vent, in a way. Now before you all start calling me a weird depressing bish, let me explain-- Leviathan isn't supossed to always be and look like this. He is supossed to be some sort of entity that connects to one's psychological state and also gets 'affected' by mental ilnesses. For instance, if 'I' am feeling down or depressed, his form would start shifting into a more demonic and unsettling one, while if 'I'm' happy, he can shift into a human(oid) form. (The reason I'm putting the '' thingies before and after the I's is to show that he only exists through art and interacts with my persona/oc, I don't see demons in real life-) You could also say that he is sort of bipolar, as he gets more decieving in the more demonic form, and usually can be quite rude and deliberately make offending or hurtful comments. Which if you think about can also be a 'symbolization' of my pessimism, self-consiousness and/or dysphoria, and maybe even anxiety or paranoia about how others view me. He would also be the type of guy to suggest rash and stupid things, such as "Oh they must be avoiding you so you should probably get locked up in your room with sad music and never try to talk to them again because you're just making things awkward" -He's not very helpful at that statem is he. However, he can also be possitive, give advice and even be supportive, if he's in a good mood himself. That's also where he appears more human. I guess what gave me the idea of him shifting forms depending on one's mental state is generally how people tend to feel when they deal with negative feelings. At least, personally, when I get depressed, I tend to feel like I keep doing things wrong and also (even if it's not good for me) tend to avoid situations, facing my problems and talking to others. It normally will take me a while to snap out of it and talk to friends, for example and try to explain that I don't have any personal with them and don't avoid them deliberately. Which is pretty awkward, ngl. I also tend to view problems way more seriously than I should, and everything seems hard, which makes me feel pretty useless at that time. I guess what I'm trying to say is that things get way scarier for me when I am in that state of mind, and I constantly feel threatened, as well as anxious because I keep thinking that something bad will happen. Thus, the threatening/unsettling form of Leviathan. While when I start feeling better, I feel stupid, as looking back, I seemed to feel all that helplessness for no reason. Meaning that I was overthinking about things and let all the negative thought get the best of me at situations that weren't all that hard in reality. Thus, Leviathan's more human, friendly form, as I feel like all the negative feelings have washed off, or at least are not as present at that time period. I honestly hope that all made sense to you who actually read through the whole text, lmao. Having gotten all that out of the way, if anyone wants to do a similar concept or even use Leviathan as an outlet for themselves as well, they are free to do so!! But if you use him, please let me know and tag me. ;w; You should also expect some shitposts and memes with him. Also, small disclaimer just in case anyone takes all this the wrong way. I am by no means 'encouraging' depression, any mental ilness, or any self-distructive coping mechanism. I like to use my art as a way to vent my emotions, especially if they are severe at a certain moment, as I really don't have any other outlets that work as well as art does for me. If you experience any 'severe' emotions, or have tendencies to hurt yourself, please talk to someone, as there are a lot of people willing to help you through the struggle.♡

#vent #oc #original character

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sojuu · 4 years

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i woke up crying.

it was such a weird dream but i can’t help but believe that any dream i’m experiencing is truly reality and i end up facing it with the entirety of my existence, not a part of me knowing or even considering the fact that it’s all in my head. i hate it so much. i woke up crying and as it slowly sunk in that i was really just dreaming, i felt such a huge wave of relief like i used up the last of my shitty luck and somehow escaped into an alternate reality. anyone would think i had just dreamed of someone dying or something exceptionally terrible. but it wasn’t anything like that. just heartbreak. so familiar, yet it hurt, stung, and burned like the first time.

it’s been happening for a few days now and it’s something i’ve experienced before. i think somehow it’s a coping mechanism for my brain, which is always ( why do you do this ) thinking of the worst possible scenario for my heart and is trying to run through these enactments of heartbreak in the worst possible manner like some sick therapy or training that would somehow harden my heart and prepare me for the worst...or the inevitable. i’m not sure. i can’t say it’s ever worked though. i am still as vulnerable and fragile and prone to break down.

______________________________

in my first relationship, as i was saying goodbye to him before getting ready to return home from school before my summer internship, i asked him if this was a break or a break-up. his answer?

“whatever makes it easier.”

he looked sad but smiled anyway, the most gentlest i’d ever seen him throughout the entirety of our relationship, which was, in short, abusive. i ran to my friends’ apartment across the street and cried into their arms. they supported me and we watched moana to help me feel a bit better. i returned to my apartment later with puffy eyes, my heart a bit lightened. but i could slowly feel it sinking back into this bottomless sadness as i realized i wouldn’t see them for a bit. i felt alone and helpless, not knowing how i would deal with this emotional burden. i wanted it gone but i didn’t know how to get rid of it. i’m impatient. “it gets better with time” i didn’t want to hear it.

i went off to my summer internship in a new city. travelling and living alone in a new city is incredibly exciting but nerve-wracking. but i can’t deny that it helped to focus on something other than my broken heart. i arrived a bit earlier to move in and settle down, giving me some time to explore at my leisure. my room was small but the bed was set right up against the window, giving me tons of sunlight and an alright view of the city. i would watch the sun rise from the window many times as i either failed to sleep or woke up crying. for months.

_______________________________

it was the same feeling as back then. i had dreams that i thought were real until i woke up and saw the sun of a new city flood the room and greet me, assuring me it wasn’t real. except...it eventually did become real. i dreamed that he left me for another girl, someone i knew and was acquainted with. they were always close friends but it never bothered me because, well, i liked her too. and i trusted him. or wanted to believe i could. towards the end of the year though, i had suspected something was up because he told me to leave him alone so he could focus on his finals and applying to grad school. so i did, because your future and your career are important. i stopped messaging him and didn’t talk to him or see him for a week. the next time i did see him, he was watching netflix and laughing with her. i was furious. am i the crazy girlfriend? he hadn’t talked to me at all that week and yet, here i found him enjoying himself with someone else. ( wow typing this out, i really do sound like the crazy girlfriend lol. but dam, he was so shitty to me i ain’t about to discredit myself and give him anything rn. sorry but 2017 and 2018 me were wasted on u. i deserved better u misogynistic asshole with anger management issues who can’t even take care of yourself. i didn’t deserve being told to break up with you from your mom, being told racist things, how she didn’t like koreans coupled with him telling me his mom just wanted him to have a nice chinese girlfriend. fuck you. o shit i just got so angry so fast lmao. repressed much lol )

they eventually started dating the following school year. he had apparently sought after her throughout the summer and when the new semester began. and to think he had the audacity to ask me to be friends again after ghosting me the entire

different story. different time.

i can’t say my dreams were realistic in the slightest. they were over-dramatic and honestly would never play out in real life like they do in my head. but nevertheless, i had my heart broken tons of times that summer just from my own imagination. and just now, too.

he’s my second one. we’re in a bit of a weird spot but basically, we’re chillin. we did actually date for like a month at the beginning of the school year but...things happened. he’s been working the same job and living in this city for years and i’m about to graduate. basically, if we end up in the same city, we’ll start dating again. but if not, it’s over.

i’ve been feeling really shaky about all this because i hate not knowing exactly where i stand in his life and where he stands in mine. we’re not dating but we’re not just friends, either. and i truly thought i could have a future with this guy. i still do, to some degree. but i feel like it’s too early to be thinking about stuff like that. i gotta graduate and get a job first lol. and i guess you could say the easiest solution to all this is to just find jobs in the same cities, which is basically what we’re doing right now. but i’m kinda having a mental breakdown about my career, what i actually want to do, my chance of even getting a job with all this shit happening, etc...

wow the more i write the more ridiculous i sound to myself. i think since it’s been like an hour since i woke up, my sad feelings have like dissipated or something lmao. idk. i feel better but also like...disappointed in myself? i think i just need a therapist to be honest. i thought i was over all the shit that happened in my previous relationship but clearly not. my brain is sabotaging itself with this weird dreaming heartbreak training again because that’s just the shitty way it works. but that doesn’t mean those two people in my life are the same. am i exhibiting the same behavior because i see similarities between them or because i just don’t know any other way to cope? because they are definitely very different people. it’s just...they both broke my trust. i guess that’s one similarity. did it involve other people? yeah. another similarity. hmm, maybe i’m not that crazy after all. i always feel like i overthink and overreact. and i do. i honestly do and i can acknowledge that. but typing this out, i can see why my brain would return to the same coping mechanism.

i should just end it. if i’m having thoughts about him like this, if my trust in him isn’t what it used to be, then maybe this just ain’t it...is what i’ve been thinking at the back of my head for a while. but am i giving up on something that could be? relationships are hard to make work, even good ones. they require trust and work both ways, i know that. communication, understanding, sympathy, vulnerability...all those things and even more. and yet, i can’t really ask for any of that right now since we’re not even at that point. we’re not dating. we’re just chillin. friends with benefits? maybe. but there are definitely strings attached since we, uh, did actually date at some point. idk. i can still see a future with this guy but maybe not now maybe in like...a few years? when i figure out a better way of handling myself? when i get a therapist? when the rest of my life is a bit more figured out? when this virus isn’t wrecking my motivation, mental state, grades, productivity, etc.?

idk man

i just wanted to write down what i dreamed but it ended up being a rant anyway.

i dreamed that he showed me a song. it was kinda like a love song? and we sang it together. and then he told me was gonna sing it to another girl and had all these things prepared to confess to her. i was confused. i thought we were dating. i thought we were together? was this a different timeline? we had a hangout place. it was shaped like a huge glass bottle but twisted towards the top. i cried and ran into the glass bottle building and up the twirling staircase and sang the song. he followed me and gave me a hug while i was crying. there’s an abandoned shopping cart outside of the building. i don’t know why. he goes back downstairs and leaves. i am devastated and crying and singing the song. and then i wake up.

i don’t even remember what the song sounded like.

i feel more normal now. i really need to take a shit tho.

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comicteaparty · 4 years

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February 8th-February 14th, 2020 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from February 8th, 2020 to February 14th, 2020. The chat focused on the following question:

Which of your characters is most like you, and how does the similarity affect how you write them?

Nutty (Court of Roses)

Every one of my main characters in Court of Roses https://courtofroses.spiderforest.com/ has a little piece of me, but Merlow takes a big chunk of me, and/or the person I try to be, in his character. I tend to feel for him a lot and get deep into his emotional highs and lows.

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

In Whispers of the Past (https://www.webtoons.com/en/challenge/whispers-of-the-past/list?title_no=191366), I am actually most similar to my villain, Ryukou, which.... is a bit concerning and also oddly cathartic at the same time. Ryukou, like me, is book smart rather than street smart, just an absolute nerd. He obsesses over details and frequently gets lost in his work (often as a detriment to his health, forgetting to eat and sleep and such). He is a severe overthinker about pretty much everything, and he bottles his emotions inside. He is also asexual and generally has a hard time showing affection. This is to the point where when he finds someone he really cares about, losing them is like losing the one friend he ever had. Pretty much all of these traits are directly inspired by me, which leaves behind an interesting feeling, because even through all of his evil acts, his horrible deeds and unforgivable sins... I still want to redeem him. I don't want to call him "evil," because to do so feels like accepting myself as evil. So I do a lot of labeling him as "troubled" instead of "evil."

Mei

People say that I'm a lot like my character Bruce but with a spattering of Kenneth's sardonic nature. I feel as if I just split myself in two to write them! My friends do joke about Kenneth being the vent for all my frustrations, and honestly... they are not wrong... I do think a lot of my characters have a bit of me in them. Whether it's the sense of humour or the sass, I think it's just a part of the writing process for me. That being said... I love all my lil characters beans and I cherish them and I just want the best for them, even if I sometimes write them into terrible situations... what can I say, I am a terrible parent to my lil characters

DanitheCarutor

Both my main characters have a little bit of me in them. Apollo has some of my music interests, which is old country and 70's - 80's stuff, mostly rock. Julian, even though their interests and general personality are being overshadowed by their mental state right now, they like science and reading. Although their interests aren't exactly like mine, I like geology as well as biological sciences like medical science and zoology, while Julian enjoys biological plant sciences like botany and horticulture. They're not really THAT similar, but I guess I consider them so since it's all nerdy science bs. I do have more than just interests, but I'll put those behind a spoiler since they're generally sensitive topics and also really personal: SPOILER Since my comic is a vent comic, I use my characters are tools to explore my own issues, and see them from a different perspective. I filter a lot of my mental issues through Julian, which is stuff like long-term suicidal depression and self-hate. Not gonna lie, I've been living with urges to die since I was 11, and have been feeling like crap for longer than that. Apollo is loosely in a position of a kid seeing a parent in an abusive relationship, having that feeling of being powerless and not knowing what to do, although he doesn't take notice of the situation till the end of chapter 5/beginning of chapter 6. (Although it can also extend to the friend or non-child relative, 3rd party type affected by the situation. I've been in that position as well...) Also later on living with a person who has PTSD and other serious psychological issues. Being a person who was raised by a parent with PTSD and anxiety due to an abusive ex-husband, it quite an experience, especially since neither of us were educated in the slightest on mental health. (I was a child, so you know, I didn't really know better.) In my teens she married a guy who was all emotional abuse, so that's where the "helpless kid" stuff comes from.(edited) END SPOILER

DanitheCarutor

Even though people who know me who've seen the comic think it's a bad idea, working on it actually been super cathartic. It puts to paper emotions and experiences that I have a lot of trouble putting into words, while also letting me see "myself" from a different perspective. Also with how dedicated I've been to researching for this comic I have explored a lot of the good sides to mental health, good coping mechanisms, and general self-care. Which later on becomes the main focus in the story. So my comic has been really nice for me. You can say I'm personally invested in seeing it through till the end.

Lol you know, the more I post on the more I feel like I just make everything uncomfortable. Uh, just kick me from the server if you all feel like I'm ruining the mood, I'll totally understand! xD

keii4ii

It's totally fine as far as I'm concerned! I just hope you're not feeling too uncomfortable

DanitheCarutor

I see stuff like this as me just using myself as an explanation or example for the nature of my comic, the focus isn't really on me specifically so it feels less awkward. It feels more technical and less personal, even though the subject matter is super personal... if that makes any sense.(edited)

So yeah, I'm good!

DanitheCarutor

Er, better explanation: It's easier to talk about personal stuff when it's for my comic than when it's for me. Sorry, my wording was bothering me.

kayotics

I mean, you're not the only one to use comics or characters as a way to deal with things emotionally. I've absolutely done that before. Both Toivo and Rosemary in Ingress Adventuring Company (https://www.ingress-comic.com/) are inspired a lot from me and my own experiences. Rosemary is modeled after me as a teenager: irritable, a know it all, annoyed, and then has a single parent who she has a very hard time relating to because of how different emotionally they are. Toivo is inspired in a different way. He has traits that I wish I had (like emotional vulnerability and cheerfulness), and faces problems that were inspired by events in my life. both of them seem to actually share a lot of the flaws that I have, just manifested in different ways.

DanitheCarutor

Pff I mean making people uncomfortable by going into detail about it. Usually I'm more vague, or don't bring up personal stuff, but it's behind a spoiler so eh.

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

I don't think there's anything wrong with that. The nature of the question itself is to be personal, considering we're talking about how similar we are to our characters.

I have similarities to one of my other characters as well, but I decided not to talk about it because I'm still working through my issues atm The fact that you're able to talk about these sensitive topics means that you've made a lot of progress.

Eilidh (Lady Changeling)

I personally put bits of myself into my characters deliberately, because it makes it easier to write them in a way that feels authentic to my own experience and feelings (the only first hand references I have for reality)

DanitheCarutor

@Cronaj (Whispers of the Past) It helps a lot that my previous job had an on-site Psychologist who I used to talk to. Before she moved out of state she helped me through a board interview, and got me in the mindset to be open about discussing mental health issues. Although I don't usually talk about my own issues since most of them are self-diagnosed, and saying I have that stuff for sure doesn't feel right, when the Psychologist was around we really only got around to diagnosing and tackling my social anxiety.

It's funny because a lot of our discussions were me asking her about the nature of her work, along with experiences she had with patients since therapy and stuff like that is a large part of the later part of my comic.

But back on topic, poor Julian gets the brunt of my issues, poor thing! Poor comic characters, they deal with so much shit. Lmao!

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Indeed they do.

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

It's not well-hidden that Phantomarine's (http://www.phantomarine.com/) main character Phaedra is extremely similar to me But over time, she's become less of a carbon copy, and more of a critique/exploration of myself when I was younger. Partly just because the comic has gone on for almost five years now - she's remained locked in time, while I've gained clearer hindsight as to who I was at 19. At my best, I was caring, empathetic, hard-working, and thoughtful - at my worst, I was stubborn, stiff, quick to judge, slow to change, and mightily self-righteous. But when some bad life events happened, I was forced to mature in unexpected ways. I wanted to channel that same energy for Phaedra. She's strong in her convictions - but maybe a bit too strong.

Her journey doesn't involve a total invalidation of her convictions, but more of a broadening. Someone inflexible becoming more willing to question her beliefs in the event of new knowledge. Especially with the threat of death/erasure on the line. It's my greatest critique of my younger self - not something I outright hate in retrospect, but something I needed to work on. Phaedra both annoys me and stirs up great pity in me. I think that's a healthy and relatable combination for a teenager/young-adult.

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

In terms of, like, her backstory, and how her life unfolds in general, Mizuki is basically nothing like me. But in terms of dialogue... Mizuki talks exactly how I talk in real life.

Tuyetnhi

a lot of folks asked me if Cara is a self-insert when I explicitly states she's kind of an experience between me and my mom's relationship with each other. Though she has some personality from me, that's the same goes with everyone else I create for my comics or written stories.

idk it might just an inherent thing I recognize

twothirty

Like most people have mentioned all my characters in Verse (http://versecomic.com/) have parts of me in them, it's the only way i can write them in a believable way. But if i had to pick just 1, it's definitely Fife. Just 100% anxiety, a constant inner dialogue of self-doubt, and my own nervous tics like playing with hair and picking at nails. It makes writing how he handles problems kind of weird, because I get a bit too much in my own head with it.

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I can relate with all my characters in some way and definitely throw some of my own culture and experiences in mental illness into them. I feel like I'm able to write those things in better and make them feel more natural because I know what it's really like and how I would be responding to a situation. There's also one character I'm about to introduce (in an update for tomorrow or Monday) who's kind of like how I was as a child.

Capitania do Azar

I feel like I'm just going to repeat a lot of the replies I see here by saying I sprinkled a lot of traits and issues through the characters so I can see them interact and figure things out I don't think there's one of them that gets more than the others though. And it's usually really small things here and there, nothing too big because that would ruin the purpose of trying to have my characters being their own persons

Tuyetnhi

yep, i agree on that

renieplayerone

same here, I kinda spread out between a bunch of different characters. I really wanted to be deliberate in not having a self-insert character while still being able to talk about things I've experienced. I think for me what helped was figuring out what werent things I related to about these characters and went out and talked to people who did have that experience

DanitheCarutor

I dunno, I think it's all in what kind of people... creatures you make your characters. Like, I only have the two and really give Julian the majority of my personal stuff, to where they can superficially be a carbon copy of myself. Although overall their background, personality and how they deal with issues are different. You can put a lot of yourself into one character but it's all in how you have them handle those traits, coupled with what kind of personality they have, and where they come from that makes them their own person, so to speak. People are complicated, you can put a group who share the same interests through the same scenario, and how they react or what they take away from that experience will always be a little different.

Urg, sorry if I'm coming off rude, or stating the obvious!

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

You know, I was thinking, "none of my characters are like me," but then @snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights) 's comment made me remember that, wait, they do sort of talk like me. I don't really like it. Especially when I catch them using words that I use too often, like "just" and "actually." It doesn't help that my friends have said that I have a very "particular way of speaking," whatever that means. How do you guys prevent that kind of thing? Obviously my natural instinct when writing dialogue is to write in my own voice. It feels unnatural to go against that.

keii4ii

One tool you can use is to model a character after someone else. This doesn't really show in my comic, as it's in English only these days, but the characters canonically talk in Korean most of the time. The MC is not fluent in Korean. I modeled his speech after two Korean-American dudes I know IRL, who are not fluent in the language. He doesn't talk exactly like them, as they have very different personalities, but knowing the exact level of brokenness (as in broken Korean) helped a lot back when I was writing the comic in Korean.

Tuyetnhi

I sometimes caught that too with my characters. I try to think of the type of vocabulary they'll use to speak. also what keii said too. I have a handful of characters based on people I knew, and experiences I had in the past as well.

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Luckily, my my comic takes place in a much "older" setting, so none of my characters really speak like me. The language is so dated at times that you would have a hard time comparing it to my style of talking at all. Actually.... I do have ONE character who speaks like me. But he's also a 4th wall breaker.

Tuyetnhi

we love characters like that lol

carcarchu

My verbal ticks definitely slip into my characters's dialogue but some of my characters have super wacky speech styles such as the character who only speaks in haiku and the one that only talks in kaomojis so that helps to differentiate them

Deo101 [Millennium]

I give everyone an accent and then just by trying to read it in that accent it kind of loses my voice in that process

DanitheCarutor

To add onto what Keii said, depending on the language, the person who isn't a native speaker may also speak more formally. I used to work in a squadron with a bunch of Dutch pilots, and while their English was exceptional, some of them never used word shortcuts like 'they're' or 'you're' but would instead say 'they are' or 'you are'. Their English was very proper compared to people who were native to the language. You can also base a character's speech off their education level. Like a person who isn't well versed in their grammar, or has a limited vocabulary is going to have related issues while speaking. You can also akin this to how they were raised, if their parents had a specific speech pattern, or they grew up in an area where everyone spoke a certain way they might as well. They might also use different words, such as when I lived in Ohio for a bit I noticed how most people referred to soda as pop, and said words like creek (crick) or pond. As opposed to where I grew up, Arizona, where I rarely heard those specific words being used. Especially creek and pond since we don't have an abundance of natural bodies of water, we usually call everything rivers or lakes regardless of size.(edited)

Uh, to answer more directly. I usually figure in the character's education level, upbringing, and location. For example one of my MCs is a hardcore hick, and doesn't like reading or learning in general, so his speech is very simple and not always grammatically correct. As opposed to my other MC who isn't a native English speaker but put a lot of effort into learning the language, is a very technical person, and worked really hard to hide their accent. Even though they do use shortcuts, their speech is more proper and they use a larger vocabulary because they like reading. They also cuss a hell of a lot more than the other MC because they're extremely salty.(edited)

kayotics

Getting a character's voice right is really hard, honestly. What I have to do when writing dialogue is ask myself "Is this in the character's voice?" dialogue is my favorite thing to write, but it's hard to remember to keep in a specific voice. Sometimes i go back a few times in the dialogue to tweak it so there's the right words being used, and the right sentence structure. It's always a battle between how to say something in the most concise way on the page, but still keeping in the right character voice. Like Dani above me said, there's a lot that goes into figuring out a voice, like education level and upbringing and localisms. I just ask myself "ok, how does this character speak? He feels like he's dumb and he wants to make himself sound smart, so he might use words that are too big here" Eventually with each character I figure out what they're like, but for side characters I try to pick a quirk so they don't all mesh together.

DanitheCarutor

@kayotics Aah! The best thing is when that dumb character uses the wrong big words. "Ah yes sir, I love your work! Your brush strokes are very circumlocution."

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

See, I have a dumb character who knows he's dumb, so he just doesn't talk if he thinks he doesn't know what he's talking about

Which is quite often

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I have a very specific tone I use in my comic & I honestly find it harder to avoid slipping into that tone when writing normal stuff than slipping into my own voice writing the comic

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

you do have a very specific tone, sssfrs. Big part of why I read your comic(edited)

I like and agree with kayotics and dani's advice to try to put myself in the character's mind.

Problem is, most of my main characters have similar education levels and grew up in the same place. I mean, there's a reason they're friends.

But that's kind of an excuse, now that I think about it. I've never met two real people with the same voice, even if they're superficially similar. It's probably just a matter of effort differentiating fictional characters.(edited)

Capitania do Azar

How dialog is structured is a great way to show the relationship between the different interacting characters I have two characters who are interested in each other but don't know each other very well and are constantly tiptoeing between using closer pronouns and first names or going back to formal speech and last names/ranks when they feel they're not getting their way. Similarly, a character may speak only in very short, concise sentences to one and be more expressive and take up more words with another. And don't get me started in the weight of silence

AntiBunny

I originally said Hannibal is the most like me in http://AntiBunny.net/ but he and I have grown in different ways since the comic began. Though much of the main cast has bits and pieces of my personality.

sagaholmgaard

I feel like I'm the most like Styrka, mind-wise. I gave her all my anxieties and she's the way I feel like I'd act if I weren't also lucky enough to be in a very positive place in my life, lol. She's the easiest for me to write at least, because I feel like I have the best understanding of her mind out of all the characters. (Behavior-wise, though, I'm more like Albus. I try to be positive if I can!) https://tapas.io/series/_Reclaim_

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #comic tea party #ctp #creator interview #comic creator interview #creator babble

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