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#i want more aaaaangst
1dcommunityficrecs · 3 months
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University AUs!
It's the very first crowdsourced fic rec! We have 23 amazing fics listed here, about the trials and tribulations, the adventures and anarchy, the good decisions and bad decisions and downright terrible decisions that come with post-secondary education. We might have graduated high school, but we still dumb as SHIT.
Please enjoy, share, leave a kudos or a comment -- and get your reccing fingers ready for the next theme!
From Eight Until Late, I Think About You by supernope (35227, Explicit, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson)
Harry is juggling an English degree at the University of Brighton, a budding YouTube channel, and an intense crush on a fellow YouTuber.
Reccer says: It's so cute watching their feelings and their friendship grow, from flirting in the YouTube comments to texting to finally meeting up in person (oh my god they were (hotel) roommates)
you can hear it in the silence by imogenlee (234857, Explicit, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson)
When Harry Styles was accepted into a post-grad degree, he knew he could no longer afford his flat, leaving him with three options: 1) Move back into student halls. 2) Become homeless. 3) Move in with his best (and only) friend, Niall, and three of Niall's other mates. He went with the third option. But it was a close race. Or, two boys couldn't misunderstand each other more, but they want to.
Reccer says: The aaaaangst. The way they can't stop wanting each other despite the misunderstandings.
if it looks like, feels like, tastes like love by tempolarriefics (16600, Teen, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) - fic post
harry and louis hate each other but pretend to date to be able to live in university ‘family housing’, zayn and liam are their nosy next door neighbors, and niall is the friend who made it all happen
Reccer says: this fic is such a cute read and the author included a lot of fun details that also have you cracking up throughout!
High heels on, 'm feeling alive by thebreadvan (14596, Mature, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) - fic post
Harry damages a car when drunkenly stumbling home after a fun night out with his friends. Feeling horribly guilty, he tries to find the owner and make it up to him.
Reccer says: Harry wearing heels <3
Unbelievers by Isthatyoularry (136814, Explicit, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson)
Harry and Louis have always hated each other. Or not…
Reccer says: Sport AU, enemies to lovers, College AU
Speaking of marvels by Navigator, quitter (100585, Explicit, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson)
Harry is at university in California. On vacation with his parents in New Jersey, he meets Louis. Their story is only supposed to last through summer
Reccer says: This fic is in my opinion unfairly forgotten these days even though it is a Fandom Classic, just wonderful
Don’t have to go to the pool by Kingsoftheimpossible (40857, Explicit, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson)
Louis is the captain of the swim team, Harry is in love with him a bit, and there's this ritual before Big Meets. Everything goes fine.
Reccer says: A simple an effective plot, a joy to read
Search and rescue me by Wildhalos (17423, Mature, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson)
Louis never really paid attention to Harry until they get stuck in the locker room together.
Reccer says: The two characters who find themselves stuck in locker rooms, with all the sexual tension that goes with it. Perfect, right?
Your best line ever by Green_feelings (55116, Mature, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson)
University AU, in which Harry has a terrible job and lies about his name to drunk people, Louis is one of the drunk and has to move out of his flat, Liam shaves his hair because he fights with Zayn, Zayn protects Liam from creepy stalkers and Niall always has a solution, because he knows just about every person relevant!
Reccer says: Already, if Green_feelings writes something, we can already be sure that it will be good. This is even more true with a Uni AU
If walls could talk by Wickedarcher_08 (10028, Explicit, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson)
Harry is in love with his straight best friend. He thinks he doesn't have a chance, until Louis presents him with a challenge he can't refuse.
Reccer says: A short story with a simple, effective plot
My worst Nightmare by BooBear411 (191000, Explicit, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Niall Horan /Zayn Malik, Harry Styles/OFC)
they’re two students who struggle with what they feel. Harry is bisexual and has a girlfriend in the first part of the fic. They live in the same dorm and basically grow in love slowly, but steadily
Reccer says: Well written, the characters develop very coherently with the plot
Fading by tothemoonmydear (202000, Explicit, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) Warnings: Eating disorder
Harry is a science student, Louis studies fashion and ask Harry to model for him. They get closer and develop a solid crush for each other. Harry gets it that Louis is hiding something and he can feel Louis is not completely open about himself. He will love him unconditionally.
Reccer says: Louis’ eating disorder is depicted in a very thoughtful way
The school of extraordinary lovers by Stylinsoncity (191000, Mature, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) Warnings: Minor violence, domestic violence, past character death
Harry is a third-year witch and violinist at magical academy, with dreams of taking on the world, and hopefully breaking the centuries-old curse on his family while he's at it. he does not dream of facing off against his childhood rival and duet partner, but louis is back in town after six years abroad, so that's exactly what happens
Reccer says: Original plot, writing styles
Blue Moon by aquietlarrie (152907, Explicit, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) - fic post Warnings: Slight mention of death and grief
1950s au - gentle & beautiful coming of age.
Reccer says: So beautifully written, character development, feels like you grow with the characters
Reeling Through The Fall by Zarah5 (40068, Explicit, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson)
AU. They hate each other. Except for when they don’t.
Reccer says: Zarah5 is always perfect
Anonymous Said by alivingfire (21158, Teen, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson)
Harry has a crush on the sweet boy who he sends anons on Tumblr. He also has a crush on the cute boy in the bookstore. Fortunately, they're both the same boy and they both like him too.
Reccer says: Watching Louis and Harry fall in love with each other TWICE in the same fic? my crops are watered my skin is clear my cows are fed 18/10 no notes
The First Year by parmahamlarrie (46972, Explicit, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) - fic post
Harry and Louis are roommates, sunshine and punk AU.
Reccer says: The way they get together through it all, and the fluff that comes after *chef's kiss*
knock knock, I love you by beautlouis (86066, Explicit, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson)
Harry and Louis get kicked out of a statistics exam for passing a knock knock joke note, and subsequently fall in love. Harry's a virgin, there's a cat, a hot cocoa date, a lot of sex, even more knock knock jokes, and everything is lovely and happy.
Reccer says: It's wonderfully cheesy and fun! The perfect fluff! Just adorable, fluffy fic and a real serotonin boost
painted on jeans by QuickedWeen (6822, Explicit, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson)
Girl Direction sorority au, friends to lovers, perfect mix of fun and hot!
Reccer says:
like fires in the night by coldflasher (138520, Mature, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) Warnings: Drug and alcohol use
Louis' got a secret stash of weed under the floorboards, his grades are going to shit and his mates keep getting pissed. There are secret passageways in the wardrobes and he can't stop thinking about the mysterious Harry.
Reccer says: a brilliant blend of absolute hilarity, angst and a whole lot of Very Bad Decisions.
Red Brick Heart by hazmesentir (98194, Explicit, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson)
Harry had turned up at the halls of residence expecting fun, new friends, and maybe a life experience or two. What he doesn't expect is a surprise roommate who's loud and dramatic and obsessed with tea and is maybe, actually, all he's ever wanted.
Reccer says: It has been a long time, but I remember loving this story quite a lot. Well written.
Soft Hands, Fast Feet, Can't Lose by dolce_piccante (112853, Mature, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) Warnings: Homophobia, sharing of nude photos without consent, bullying
American Uni AU. Louis hates football players and Harry. Harry doesn't know why. Through a bet Harry and Louis get closer, but the bet might be what breaks them apart too
Reccer says: I liked Harry and Louis dynamic
Shake Me Down by AGreatPerhaps12 (208589, Not Rated, Louis Tomlinson/Harry Styles, Liam Payne/Zayn Malik, Niall Horan/Josh Devine) Warnings: Religious trauma, conversation therapy, homophobia/internalised homophobia, OCD and self harm
Harry's new to college, fresh out of Catholic school and conversion therapy camp, and Louis runs the campus LGBTQIA organization.
Reccer says: The dynamic between the characters, Harry's character in general and also the random famous people in the story
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lotusbxtch · 27 days
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and I lost you [TS drabble challenge]
Here's my entry into @beskarandblasters's Taylor Swift Drabble Challenge! I got Maroon and Joel. Get ready for Angst City®️! (Divider by @saradika-graphics)
Song: Maroon (Midnights) Pedro boy: Joel Miller
Pairing: Joel Miller x ex!afab!Reader (written in Joel's POV) Word Count: 686 Warnings/tags: post-outbreak, Joel's POV, no use of y/n, unspecified age gap, alcohol consumption, infidelity, aaaaangst, heavy reference to Taylor Swift lyrics, not beta'd
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Joel lay awake in his bed, shifting his position for the umpteenth time while his memories play over and over in his head. No matter how he wraps his flannel sheets around himself, the bed is never as warm as it is when you were in it with him. But that’s all gone to shit now that he’s lost you.
He knows he’s made a fool of himself. Knows that he’s failed you. You - beautiful, charming, the only one to slip past his defenses, the walls he put up around himself to keep out everything, even the good. He let you into his home and his heart, let you fill it with laughter. He remembers how you told him stories about your college days before the outbreak, about your vinyl shelf full of records, of nights where you woke up on the floor in the late morning after too much cheap rose wine. He told you stories about Sarah, whom he never talked about to anyone besides you and Tommy. Her prowess at soccer, how she would help out their elderly neighbors, the watch she got fixed for him for his birthday - the day before his world ended. He felt safe with you, and you with him. You chose him, and he chose you.
He doesn’t know when it started. But you’d been frustrated with Tommy’s reliance on Joel for border patrol; you felt that he was putting himself in unnecessary amounts of danger. Arguments started cropping up, and more than once you’d left the house to stay at Tommy and Maria’s after particularly bad fights. On more than one of those occasions, he’d trudged to the Tipsy Bison to drown his sorrows and avoid his feelings. And on one of those nights, he let temptation win out.
She was one of Maria’s friends, older than you were, closer to Joel’s age. She’d always blatantly flirted with him, despite him mentioning you and everyone knowing you and Joel were together. She was one of those women who liked challenges, who wanted to play games. She didn’t like that Joel resisted all of her advances, so she waited until he was at his weakest to pounce. Too many whiskeys in, Joel had let her drag him behind the bar. Had let her kiss him, his lips barely moving back against hers in response. She promised she could make him feel better than you did, that he didn’t need a girl like you, he needed a woman - despite you being more of a woman than she could even dream of. He didn’t stop her when she kissed down his neck, when she left marks along his collarbone - ones he knew you’d notice. He was just so mad at you for being right about the patrol shifts, but he felt guilty saying no to Tommy after all this time apart from him. His awful defense mechanisms figured that if you had left the house, it meant you didn’t want him or need him, and he wanted to forget.
But he was so wrong. When he stumbled back to the house, he didn’t expect you to be there. Didn’t think you’d be sipping red wine at the counter, waiting for him. So when he entered the living room, his button-up disheveled, the darkening hickey across his collarbone clear as day, you looked shell-shocked, then distraught, then more angry than you’d ever been before. You took the glass you’d been drinking out of and flung the contents at him, the burgundy splashing onto his t-shirt and face. You said nothing as you stormed out of the house, but right before you slammed the door, he heard the most heart-wrenching sob begin to wrack your chest as you held your head in your hands. 
He felt like his heart had been strangled, but he knew everything was his fault. He deserved the full weight of the hurt he made you endure. Laying awake with your memory over him, he realized what a real fucking legacy his betrayal was to leave to you, the one he chose, the one who had chosen him.
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jamminvroomvroom · 2 years
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karma rules! part 2.
ln x fem!reader
read part 1: ‘a golf swing and a trampoline’!!
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back on my lando bullshit lmao. HI! here’s part 2! i wanted to write a second part considering how things were left in part 1. very interested in knowing if y’all want a third part!! thank you so much for all the love on part 1, one of my fav things i’ve written 🫶 n e wayz, please enjoy more lando suffering and max on lando violence.
sticking to the ‘little freak’ harry vibes with this one too. karma really does rule!
in which everyone is sad and horny.
warnings: 18+!! swearing, alcohol, aaaaangst omg, smut, fluff, max being very fucking annoying, reader being a sexy girlboss, lando’s entire character
7.2k words
lando couldn’t recall exactly how long he’d been stood outside your bedroom door staring at max. he couldn’t recall exactly how long max had been stood there either, staring back at him; disgust etched across his downturned lips and an unwavering sheen of hurt clouded his eyes, greener than usual, probably from the envy scorching through his veins. lando could feel his jaw relaxing every few seconds, his mouth falling open, apologies daring to spill from his parted lips. no sound came out. what was there to say? nothing, apparently, as max turned on his heel and stormed off back towards his room.
lando stood motionless for a second too long, blinking rapidly, mouth bone dry. anxiety pooled in the pit of his stomach in the most horrific way, although he supposed he deserved it. some small trace of sense that he’d lost when you turned up on that godforsaken golf course returned, and he finally sprung into action, chasing max down. when he finally caught up to his friend, max was already on the verge of slamming the door in lando’s tanned face.
“max, please, just hear me out-“ lando was breathless, flailing helplessly as he tried to find the right words. max wasn’t keen on giving him the chance to.
“you have everything. you have everything else that i want. why did you need to take her as well?” max spat the words, rage-laced and unrelenting in their brutality. lando’s mouth once again hung agape.
apparently it was a rhetorical question, one that lando would probably think about until his last breath, as the door slammed shut in his reddened face.
what a mess he’d made.
-
lando’s attention had been taken away from the ceiling looming above him by the slamming of a door and the sound of suitcase wheels rolling along the floor. he’d been sprawled out on his bed, helplessly awake since the early hours of the morning, since he’d crept out of your bed, since max had slammed the door in his face. yet another wave of dread washed over lando, adding to the tally, as he dragged himself up off of the duvet that he’d melted into and arose, daring to investigate. it didn’t take a genius to work out what was going on.
cracking the door open, his suspicions were confirmed. max was almost at the staircase, suitcase in tow behind him. lando sighed, pushing the door open and stepping out into the hall. max turned around at the noise, eyes daring lando to try and convince him to stay after such a betrayal.
“you’re not actually leaving are you?” lando’s voice sounded just as pathetic as he felt. max rolled his eyes.
“what does it look like?” he scoffed in response.
“don’t be silly. come on, we can talk about this.” lando tried to ignore the guilt. an impossible task.
“silly? you fucked her, you prick. there’s nothing to talk about.” max seethed, teeth gritted. lando’s eyes fell shut, unable to meet max’s.
“it’s not like that.”
“then what’s it like? you can’t help yourself, can you? you’re so used to having everything that you want. you had to add her to the collection of things that you have and i don’t.”
“don’t make this into something it’s not.” max’s allusions were misplaced, as far as lando was concerned. lando had taken nothing from max. never a seat, never a girl. not even the one person that he wanted. you weren’t even max’s to be stolen, and yet you and lando had parted ways out of courtesy for no one other than max.
“what is it then? tell me. tell me all about how deep and meaningful it is.” max mocked, hitting lando right where it hurt: his track record with women. “tell me that you’re madly in love with her. i bet you can’t. i know you, lando,” max was pointing his finger now. “i know she’s nothing but another fuck. and you know how i feel about her!” he was getting louder, a little too loud for lando’s liking, considering they were stood right outside of your door. oh, and because the rest of their friends could probably hear every single word from the surrounding rooms.
“that’s not,” lando’s jaw clenched, he swallowed hard. “that’s not true.” he muttered, not wanting to rile max up further by admitting that, yes, he was madly, pathetically, gut wrenchingly in love with you, and he was almost certain you felt the same way.
“you’re such a fucking joke.” max threw the words and they landed square in lando’s chest, leaving him winded. max turned away, resuming his beeline for the stairs once again. lando stepped forward.
“and what am i supposed to tell the others, huh?” lando called, exasperated.
“i don’t know, maybe tell them how much of an asshole you are.”
he didn’t see max’s face again, the door slamming harshly, a line drawn in the sand, a boundary. not that lando had any issue with crossing lines, something he was bitterly reminded of when he turned away from the stairs, letting out an existential sigh as he did, only to be met with your furrowed eyebrows, quivering lips, and oceans of sadness and un-cried tears swirling in your eyes.
it hurt. it actually, physically pained lando. reaching out for you, touching you, even just for a second, just to comfort you, it was forbidden now. he knew that if he pulled you close, he’d never be able to let go. they’d have to find some way to alter his mclaren so that you could race with him. he would not be able to let you go. you knew this just as well as he did. he wondered for a moment why you were looking at him the way you were. distant, confused, sad. after the night you’d shared, the most beautiful, bittersweet turn of events, he couldn’t fathom why you looked so distraught at the sight of him.
why are you looking at me like he did? lando wondered.
that was, of course, until he realised that you’d heard everything.
“i know you, lando.”
“i know she’s nothing but another fuck.”
ouch.
“i don’t know what you heard.” lando’s words scratched the back of his throat, clawing their way out of his mouth and leaving nothing but bitter, bitter regret all over his tongue. he wanted the ground to swallow him whole. nothing would have pleased him more. he’d made too big of a mess.
“just all of it.” your voice was dusted in sleep, the very sleep that he’d peacefully left you in. you didn’t sound like yourself at all and it scared him.
“he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.” lando rushed out, trying to salvage any respect you had left for him. you were not just a body to him.
“but he knows you, lando.” you whispered, delicately devastated.
“he doesn’t know anything about the way i feel for you.” if lando needed you to understand one thing, he desperately needed you to understand that.
“he’s lashing out,” you nodded your head softly as you spoke, as if to tell lando that you understood what he was trying to say. “we hurt him.”
“no, i hurt him. this is all my fault.”
“takes two to tango.” you mused, always apt at breaking the ice.
“i never should have let it happen.” and maybe that was the truth, but lando knew that he would thank whatever god he could think of for giving him that one night. the words you’d whispered to him the night before were almost worth the agony.
“do you regret it?” he admired the way you tried to control your shaky voice when you asked.
“i should.” max was right, lando truly was an asshole.
“i didn’t ask whether you should or not, lando. i asked you if you regret it. there are two answers.” this was the first flash he’d gotten on this not so fine morning that you were losing your temper with him. how could he blame you? he would have been wise to start listing all the people he’d pissed off on this trip, but he feared there wasn’t a big enough piece of paper, or enough ink in the world.
“of course i don’t. but i-“
“no. no ‘buts’. it’s already too painful. no ‘buts’.” your words were electrifying in the worst possible way. he had hurt you. this was hurting you. and there was nothing he could do that would make it any better.
“i’m sorry. i’m so, so sorry.” the emptiness of his apology, despite how much he meant it, was daunting. he had hurt you.
you scoffed. he was getting sick of that sound.
“i don’t want your apology, lando.”
“well, i can’t give you what you want.” he sounded desperate, oh so desperate, a wounded animal frantically searching for a way out. your eyes fluttered shut, a sigh settling deep in your bones. you took one last look at him, knuckles turning a pasty white from how hard you were gripping the door. slowly, it began to close, doing yourself a favour, and shutting him out.
“bye, lando.” you whispered, before you were cast out of sight. if he was counting, this would have been the third door to slam in his face and the sun had barely broken in the sky. what a miserable record to hold; the most people that cannot bare to look at you before 8am.
why would no one give him the luxury of letting him apologise? it made him sick, just how far gone the entire situation was, how out of control he was. a racing drivers worst nightmare. somehow, he’d managed to kill two birds with one stone. max was gone, and it seemed like you weren’t far behind him. maybe you and max were meant for each other after all.
that thought made him feel sicker than anything else had.
-
phone calls were always awkward, especially for someone as awkward as lando. the awkwardness was intensified by the fact that max was ignoring every single one of his calls, ending them before they could even ring out. there were only so many calls that you could make before you succumbed to the fact that no progress was being made. the next best thing that lando could do was catch a flight, and so that’s what he did.
lando ignored every single quizzical look, ignored the way his brother and tom looked at him doubtfully when he announced that he was leaving early “because of a work thing” that he was “sworn to secrecy” over. he just shrugged at all of their questions as he threw his neatly hung shirts in his suitcase and floored it out of his rented bedroom, taking a similar route to max. down the stairs and out the door. but unlike max, lando was weak. he couldn’t leave without one last glance over his shoulder, one last look at you.
you stood with folded arms, almost judgemental, narrow eyes glazed over with a shimmer that made lando’s heart plummet. you’d chosen him, and yet he was choosing to go and fight for max’s friendship. how tragic.
deep down, he knew he was being cowardly, running away. he needed space, needed to finally be able to breathe again and he knew that he wouldn’t be able to do that in a house with you, especially without max’s watchful eye. he also knew that if he played this right, fixed what needed fixing, there was a possibility, albeit a slim one, that he’d be able to initiate something real with you.
while he desperately needed to fix things with max, purely because he was his best friend, he also knew that max acted as a stepping stone, a gate keeper, as tasteless as it sounded. max’s friendship meant the world to him and he was grateful for it, no matter how many times he lost a round of golf, but you were like air and he knew that he needed you just as much. not more, but definitely just as much. it was a delicate balance, one that he thought of in the taxi, imagining he was rested against you again, one that he thought of as the plane took off, as it landed, and as he reclaimed his luggage.
pulling up at max’s parents house was as panic inducing as it should have been, and definitely embarrassing. lando shuffled awkwardly up to the front door, ringing the bell as he rocked backwards and forwards on the balls of his feet. when the door swung open to reveal theo, max’s brother, lando momentarily wondered if he needed to book a haircut with the younger fewtrell, before his thoughts were cast aside by the flash of confusion on the face staring back at him. lando smiled sheepishly, never more uncomfortable in his life.
“first max turns up a week early, and now you? what the fuck happened in greece?” were the first words that theo spoke, tilting his head in confusion.
“is he here?” lando enquired, deciding to cut the bullshit and skip the pleasantries, following suit.
“upstairs in his room, hasn’t said a word. what happened?” theo quirked an eyebrow. lando was always a bit strange, sure, but never so on edge. lando, of course, ignored the question. sometimes media training did pay off.
“can i come in? i need to speak to him.” he didn’t realise how urgent he sounded until the words left him, an undoubtedly suspicious theo stepping aside and letting him in.
lando threw a ‘thank you’ over his shoulder, disappearing up the stairs. he was familiar with this house, easily navigating his way through the building that held so many childhood memories, memories that he would not allow to be tarnished. it only hit him that he’d fled greece and chased max across europe once max’s bedroom door came into sight. he froze, attempting to compose himself. it was futile, his breath shaky as he knocked on max’s door.
“what?” the clipped response sounded from the other side of the wood, drenched in angst. lando held his breath, swinging the door open. had it not been for the rather tense situation, lando would have squawked with laughter at the double take max did. “what the fuck?”
“we need to talk.” it seemed easier to get straight to the point. max didn’t exactly seem interested in pleasantries.
“could you not have called?” sarcasm drenched max’s voice, eyes narrowed and unforgiving.
“that’s not funny.” lando sighed, thinking about the many, many times his finger had pressed down on max’s name in his phone.
“my sincerest apologies.” sarcasm won out again, and lando wondered if this was a mistake.
“are you gonna hear me out? i did just fly here.” lando snapped, trying to reign it in, keep himself in check. he was getting desperate.
“and the damage is repaired. thanks so much for thinking of me.”
“all i’ve done is think about you.”
silence settled between them, lando’s words hanging heavy in the air. max’s face grew angrier, jawline tightening.
“and what is that supposed to mean?” max demanded, eyebrows furrowing.
“i’m here, aren’t i? i’m fucking here.” he was here and not with you, where he actually wanted to be. that had to count for something, had to show how much he valued max. realisation dawned in max’s eyes. lando was with him.
“you knew how i felt about her.” max stated. lando nodded. of course he knew, he felt it too. max sighed. “how long?”
lando was silent.
“how fucking long?”
“since that first day. i was relieved when she dumped you, but of course, you couldn’t let her go.” lando tried to lighten the mood but it didn’t translate. it didn’t help that he wasn’t really joking.
“are you trying to blame me?” max bit, eyes narrowing, just as lando thought he was getting somewhere.
“no! for fuck sake, of course i’m not. i just need you to understand.” lando ran his hand through his hair in frustration.
“how long has it been going on with her?” max’s voice was quieter, preparing for another blow.
“just that night. that one night.” lando quickly replied, anxious to reassure max that he wasn’t a total traitor.
“then it shouldn’t be hard to let her go.” max spoke the words so simply that lando almost couldn’t believe what he was hearing. his face fell, chest tightening.
“max-“
“i don’t want to do this, but i can’t sit back and watch you and her. i can’t fucking do it.” the volume of max’s voice crept up again, voice holding an edge of emotion that made lando ache.
“don’t be unreasonable.” lando almost whispered, words holding absolutely no persuasion. he knew it was over.
“don’t be unreasonable? do you hear yourself? you fucked my ex girlfriend! and you haven’t even fucking apologised to me, by the way.” max shook his head in disbelief, hurt all over again.
“i’m sorry. i’m sorry.” lando repeated the words feebly, suddenly exhausted, utterly utterly drained.
“promise me you won’t go any further with her.”
“please don’t do this.”
“you wouldn’t be here if this didn’t matter to you. promise me, lando.” max held lando’s gaze. it was too easy to crumble.
“i promise.”
the words triggered a minor sense of relief across max’s face and a bottomless pit of dread in lando’s stomach.
-
the months that followed dragged excruciatingly, like nails on a chalkboard.
the season started back up again, providing momentary relief for lando, but it was barely enough. he managed to avoid max as much as he could, until zandvoort, when max had turned up on a work obligation. it was frosty, tense between the two men, anyone could see that, but no one made the mistake of asking why. on paper, things were on the mend, but lando wondered if max would ever forgive him. he wondered if he’d ever forgive max.
whilst him and max weren’t exactly on the best of terms, at least they’d managed to make contact, the occasional twitch stream doing something to chip away at their icy relationship. you, on the other hand, couldn’t have been further away, whilst remaining painfully at the forefront of his mind. he was going insane, deprived of you for the longest period of time since he’d met you. it seemed a tad dramatic to say that your absence was killing him, but that didn’t make it any less true.
the netherlands blurred into italy, into singapore, into japan. lando couldn’t remember the last time he was at home. not monaco, monaco felt too hollow. he missed the uk. he missed running into you when he wasn’t even trying to. the second half of the season was crushing, an uphill battle. he couldn’t pretend he wasn’t lonely, it did get a bit too quiet for his liking when there was no one else along for the ride, quieter than it usually. no max, no you, miserable.
there was a glimmer of rest between japan and the usa, a brief trip to the uk to breathe. he had lunch with his parents, widened his eyes at how much his baby niece had grown, ruffled his younger sisters’ hair in the way only a big brother could. he had a day on the sim, going over things at the factory. it dragged. he was exhausted. the last thing he needed was to attend a friends birthday party, especially on a thursday night after a long week.
an expensive club in central london wasn’t the most appealing of spaces to lando. he preferred restaurants with friends, maybe indulging in a drink or two over dinner if he was feeling adventurous, but he definitely didn’t enjoy the club scene as much as he was supposed to. but it was dark enough in there to hide the bags under his eyes and the music was just about bearable. he knew he wasn’t the most present person in anyones life, so the least he could do was suck it up and stay for a few.
slumped on a barstool, lando was thankful that he made the effort, because one brief glance to his right set his sights on everything he’d been missing.
sad eyes, short black dress, a smile that made the world stop and anyone with sense lose their mind. you’d arrived. was breathing essential to being alive? it couldn’t be because lando certainly wasn’t breathing, and yet there he was, ready to fall to his knees.
lando was definitely sweating, chest tightening, heart beating faster than his mclaren had ever gone down a straight. he was absolutely at a loss for what he was supposed to do. he had no idea that you were coming, perhaps naively. not a lot of the usual suspects would be attending this birthday party, so he’d ever so stupidly assumed that you simply wouldn’t be either. max, for example, had been tied down by a work commitment and wouldn’t be in attendance.
max. max. max. max max max. max!
lando felt lightheaded.
as far as he was aware, you hadn’t clocked him and he wondered if he should keep it that way, no matter how tempting the alternative was. he swirled the drink in his hand, wrist relaxing as he let out a shaky breath. downing the burning liquor in one swift gulp seemed entirely logical, and so that’s what he did, succumbing to instant regret as he shivered the nasty taste away. lando swiftly swung around on the barstool, planting his now empty glass on the counter before placing his palms down on the cool surface. perks of being somewhere fancy: it wasn’t sticky. the coolness of the marble grounded him, allowing for a moment of clarity before the liquid he’d just thrown back seeped into his blood stream and made him weak. well, weaker.
he glanced around, realising that he’d lost you in the sea of people and strobe lights, wondering if he’d actually manage to get away unscathed. what if he’d imagined you? lando felt this strange pull, something that was keeping him in place. he wasn’t prepared to leave just yet. bravely, he actually turned his head, properly scanning the bar to look for your face. it wasn’t hard to find you this time, especially not when you were already staring back at him.
lando’s throat tightened, eyes holding yours, matching the intensity of your gaze. you truly were a sight for sore eyes, easily the prettiest person in the room. he wondered if the dimly lit bar had somewhat brightened for anyone else as soon as you’d walked in. he almost fell off the barstool when you you leaned in to one of your friends, still maintaining eye contact as you whispered in their ear. next thing he knew, you were making your way over. oh god, you were making your way over. he reached for the collar of his white dress shirt, tugging it to no avail; the material was already half unbuttoned anyway. he didn’t breath any easier.
lando turned away, facing the bar as the stool next to his dragged along the floor. he watched from the corner of his eye as you navigated yourself up onto the stool, the heels of your shoes barely grazing the floor as you slumped next to him. you must have looked like a right pair, emitting high levels of irrevocable sadness, and an unhealthy amount of lust. what a combination.
you grabbed the bartenders attention, waving her over.
“i’ll have two of whatever he’s having, please.” you called across the bar, tilting your head towards the lovesick driver.
he was trying to speak, but nothing but bated breath seemed to escape. almost immediately, two glasses had landed in front of you both. without even looking his way, you held your glass out to clink it with his, quickly taking a sip once he’d fumbled his way to respond, knocking his chilled glass with yours.
“fuck, you’re on the strong stuff.” you choked out, probably not expecting something so bitter in your lightweight drinking partners glass. lando barked out a laugh, entirely humourless. he was in agony. “really? nothing to say to me?” you continued, finally turning your body to face him. he continued staring forward, debating his next move.
“thank you for the drink.” lando replied, planting his hands back on the counter to rise from the barstool and leave. he had to leave. his self control was surely fleeting, his patience for other peoples feelings wearing increasingly thin.
“wait!” he didn’t get very far, a hand much smaller than his own flying instinctively to grab at his forearm. he froze in place, eyes widening at your touch and the embarrassing rush of warmth in his chest. your eyes were stormy, some kind of internal battle taking place. “can’t keep watching you leave.” you seemed to whisper the words in the noisy club, yet he heard you perfectly, almost trembling under your touch.
“does it make any difference to know that i don’t want to leave?” lando offered.
“no.” you scoffed, pouting at him.
he tilted his head, offering you his hand, which you didn’t hesitate to take. you rose to your feet, falling into step behind him as he guided you through the club. he needed to talk to you properly, somewhere quiet. you found yourselves out in the smoking area, neither of you having the intention of lighting one up, but at least you were alone. dangerous territory. last time, it had almost cost him dearly.
“i’m sorry that i left.” lando planted himself against the wall, as far away as he could physically be, implementing what he hoped was a safe distance between you.
“yeah? you should be.” you muttered, crossing your arms defensively.
“i didn’t know what to do. i thought that maybe if i spoke to him…” lando trailed off, lost in the memory of max’s words. promise me, lando.
“that he’d be okay with it? come on, lando.” you rolled your eyes.
“not my finest plan. i tried.” he pathetically reasoned.
“wish you’d tried with me.” your comment took him aback. it seemed unfair, cruel. hadn’t you both agreed that it was a one time thing?
“we knew that night, we both knew what we were getting into.”
“yeah, well, doesn’t make it any easier.”
“what would you do? huh? what would you do if you were me?” lando practically begged for your answer, holding himself back against the wall.
you were silent. lando pushed himself off the wall, beginning to pace the small space, met with waves of frustration. you just stood there watching, arms still crossed.
“god, this is a fucking joke.” you scoffed again, moving to block his path. he stopped in his tracks, refusing to meet your eyes.
“yeah, fucking hilarious.” he muttered.
it was completely still between you, no movement but the rise and fall of your chests, syncing up as the space between you grew smaller and smaller. shit.
gently, your fingers wrapped around his shirt sleeve, pulling him a tad closer. he was in trouble. you were destined to be the death of him. he felt your fingertips graze the skin of his wrist, a shiver running down his spine.
“i missed you.” you whispered. his head shot up, finally meeting your eyes.
“you know i missed you too.” he murmured, relaxing further into your touch. lando was convinced to had your own magnetic force field.
“i didn’t, actually.” there she was, the tease that he’d missed more than anything.
“haven’t stopped thinking about you.” lando breathed, giving up the fight. he needed you to know that you were at the centre of his every thought.
“what a coincidence, haven’t stopped thinking about you either.” your hand that wasn’t working its way into his own landed softly against his chest, slowly grazing up until you were gently stroking his neck.
“don’t know if i’ll ever get over you.” all sense was lost.
“i don’t want you to.” you whispered, cupping his cheek. the fingers of your other hand were now laced with his.
“good.” he shuffled forwards, any remaining distance lost to your shared urgency.
“i want you, lando. think i always will.” mere centimetres separated you now, alcohol laced breath mingling.
“you’re driving me crazy.” you smiled at that, nose bumping against his.
“one more time.” you muttered, closing the gap, peppering kisses across his jaw. lando’s eyes rolled back.
“we can’t.” lando spoke with so little conviction that he may as well have fucked you right there in the smoking area.
“says who?” you crooned deviously in his ear.
“fuck.” lando panted, pulling you away from his neck, where you had moved your kisses.
with hooded eyes and no more hesitation, lando cupped your face, pulling your lips to his. you hummed against his lips, fingers threading through his hair to keep him close. the kiss was firm, full of things that should have been said months ago, tongues brushing slowly as he held you as close as he could. as you broke away, breathing heavy, you gripped the collar of his now creased shirt, tugging on the material, your other hand still playing with his curls.
“take me home.” you didn’t need to tell him twice.
-
getting you back to the apartment he stayed in when he was in the city was easy. he’d hailed a taxi, your lips attached to his neck the entire time you were stood on the pavement. he had you wrapped in his arms, shielding you from the chilly october air, while you marked up his skin. once you’d begun the journey back to his place, you managed to behave yourself, despite pulling his hand to sit up high on your bare thigh. lando paid the fare, helping you out of the taxi, the pair of you scurrying into the lobby of the building and into the elevator.
he kissed you again, pressing you against the wall as you travelled up to his floor. you rolled your hips, testing the waters, hearing him groan into your mouth at your teasing. lando held you there for the duration of the journey, lips moving with yours. the ding of the elevator broke you out of your trance and you smiled into the kiss, pulling away. hand in hand, he guided you into his apartment.
the need for one another took precedent, and you quickly found yourselves in the bedroom. the months that had passed went by slowly, too slowly. you both needed it, you could talk after.
lando paused, standing in the doorway as he watched you walk further into the room. he smiled softly, finally feeling at ease. you were so beautiful, and he needed to show you, but he needed a second to take it all in. you, there, with him. just the two of you. you noticed that he’d stopped, turning back to face him.
“hey, you.” you called, reaching your hand out for him. “come here.” he quickly obeyed. he could see the lust in your eyes, the prettiest colours in the world darkened slightly, pupils blown. something softer swirled underneath, and he lost himself.
“gonna let me show you how much i missed you?” lando lowered his lips to your ear, tongue dragging across the skin beneath it. his hands found a home on your waist, spinning you around so that you were flush against him. again, you rolled your hips, body trembling in his big hands.
“need you, lando.” you whined, feeling his fingers skim your collarbone as he pushed your hair out of his way and over your shoulder.
he hummed against your skin, lips working over your neck, open mouthed kisses leaving you panting. his hands smoothed down your back, over the material of your silky black dress. he bunched the material on the way back up, tugging it until he was pulling it over your head. the dress quickly became an afterthought, dropped to the floor in a heap. lando grabbed at your waist again, gently turning you back around to face him. you looked at him through your eyelashes, shy under his intense stare.
your fingers made quick work of the buttons on his shirt, the few that were still done up. you pushed it off of lando’s shoulders, running your nails down his bare chest. your hands trailed down his abs, fiddling with his belt, and then the button on his jeans. lando kicked them off, the both you standing there in your underwear.
“on the bed.” lando breathed, walking you backwards.
lando picked you up at the last second, lowering you down onto the duvet, quickly slotting himself between your spread legs. your arms were around his neck, bringing his lips against yours. he felt you shiver against him, his hands grazing your sides, as he kissed down your neck, over your collarbone.
lando kissed over the lace of your bra, mouthing at the material as his fingers slotted behind your arched back, unhooking the clasp. he didn’t linger, quickly tearing it away from your chest. he let out a content sigh, lapping at your nipple, fingers tweaking the other. his tongue swirled, teeth making a cheeky appearance that had you gasping as he bit down. you felt his mouth leave you, fingers still grazing your body.
“did you miss me, baby?” lando’s breath fanned across the valley of your breasts as he spoke, your stomach tightening.
“you know i did.” you muttered, staring down at him.
“how much?” he smirked, kissing the flush skin of your chest. he felt like teasing.
“lando.” you warned, threading a hand through his curls. he breathed out a laugh.
“i know, baby, i know.” he resumed his kisses down your body, fingers slipping beneath the band of your underwear. ever so slowly, he began to pull them down, tugging at the band, letting it snap against your skin. you sighed in frustration, pulling on his hair. he grinned, the most genuine smile he’d been able to muster in what felt like forever. it grew when he saw that you couldn’t help but smile back.
he kissed along your navel, finally peeling your panties down your legs. he had you naked beneath him again, finally, and he couldn’t let a moment go to waste.
he took you apart, your legs thrown over his broad shoulders. everything seemed to be moving in flashes, the room disappearing. all he could see was you, hair fanned across his pillow, glowing under the dim lighting, your taste overwhelming him. you thrashed against him, his tongue and his fingers working blissfully until all you could see was white and all you could hear was his name, tumbling from your lips like a prayer.
when he’d kept going, throwing you helplessly over the edge for the second time, you’d let out a cry, gasping through the pleasure that you’d both been so tragically deprived of for too long. he didn’t know if he could stop, didn’t know if he could possibly exercise the type of restraint he’d need to pull himself from between your shaking legs, but your hand in his hair managed to pull him back to reality. he didn’t know where you’d found the strength but he was hovering over you again.
lando took in the sight of you, messy hair, tear stained face, eyes shot with adrenaline, exhaustion. you flashed him a heart stopping grin, eyes fluttering shut as your chest heaved, and he crumbled again, for the millionth time that evening. giving you a second to breath, he brought his soaked fingers to his lips, licking away the mess you’d made. the groan he let out was animalistic, your eyes shooting open.
the kiss you shared was messy, laced with traces of you on his tongue and a clash of teeth. he settled between your thighs, your hands pushing his underwear down until he laid bare on top of you.
“you have no idea how much i missed you. no idea.” lando muttered, lining himself up. he ran the tip of his cock through your folds, slowly pushing inside. you whined, clinging onto him as he moved his hips until you were full. he stilled, hand brushing the hair from your eyes, which were piercing his own.
there was nothing else. there was no max and no time apart, no sad eyes and missed opportunities. there was you, and there was him, and that was it.
“need you to move.” you moaned, fingers digging into his shoulder blades.
lando’s hips retracted slowly, before he was setting a delicious rhythm. he rocked into you at the perfect pace, hips hitting yours. your eyes has rolled back in your head, his own remaining fixed on the way your face moved, eyelashes dusting your cheeks, the creases in your forehead, the way you kept smiling as the pleasure took its hold.
he was dizzy, utterly ruined as he fucked you. your touch left him weak, oblivious to anything else. it didn’t matter what happened after this, he would never regret it, no matter how dire the consequences. you were heavenly around him, squeezing him so tight as you had your way with him. he was teetering on the edge, on the verge of a beautiful collapse, but all that mattered was you.
lando rutted his hips, watching your body spasm as he hit that spot over and over, his fingers sliding between your sweat dampened bodies to find your overstimulated clit. a few messy circles and you’d had it, a broken scream of his name tearing from the back of your throat.
his name. no one else’s.
that was enough for lando, all he needed to hear to send him catapulting into the abyss, vision bright white as he collapsed on top of you. he could feel you shuddering, kissing your neck to try and dull the aftershocks.
you stayed there entangled for god knows how long, unmoving in one another’s embrace. you were so warm against him that lando couldn’t bring himself to move. it was serene, the peace of having you beneath him, wrapped around him, stroking his hair lazily while he panted into the crook of your neck. the peace of knowing that he wouldn’t need to sneak away at the break of dawn. when he eventually mustered the strength to pull himself away, you whined.
“where are you going?” you groaned, as he stood from the bed.
“just getting something to clean you up, baby.” lando replied, slipping into the en-suite.
he returned a few moments later with a flannel, wiping over your thighs before tossing it with his laundry. lando quickly pulled the covers back, climbing into the bed beside you. you rolled over, draping yourself over his chest, his arm winding around your shoulders securely.
“stay tonight.” lando whispered. it wasn’t a question, nor was it a demand. it was his way of pleading, of keeping you close for as long as he could. he felt you nod your head in agreement.
“didn’t wanna go anyway.” you giggled, eyes still shut. you could have easily fallen asleep.
“don’t want you to go. don’t want to lose you again.” lando mumbled. he felt you tense up. you weren’t laughing anymore.
“don’t get my hopes up.” you whispered back, burying your face in his chest, as if you were hiding from him. the cracks in his heart that your evening together had bandaged up began to splinter.
“i’ll fix this. we can fix it.” lando affirmed, begging that you’d listen. all the time spent with you reminded him that without you, he was miserable.
“i wish that was true.” you sighed. he clung on to the fact that you were still here. he could convince you, he was sure of it.
“i’ll deal with him. he has to understand.” lando alluded, cupping your cheek.
“lando, stop-“ you argued.
“please, just let me try. i want you. fuck, i need you.” he really, really did. you seemed to soften at that, frustrated expression melting away.
you craned your neck, leaning up to peck his lips. all of his worries dissipated then, and he knew that he belonged to you. lando knew that this was it, that you and him were headed somewhere. it was good, this thing between you, feelings that he’d never felt, that he didn’t even have labels for, surfacing at even the briefest glance, the softest touch.
as you fell asleep in his arms to soft kisses on your forehead, lando laid there staring at the ceiling. he’d just betrayed his best friend. again. but that wasn’t what was keeping him from falling asleep.
no, what was keeping lando awake was the fact that he simply didn’t care; how could he with you sleeping so soundly next to him? and that scared him more than anything else. as far as lando was concerned, max had his chance, and he blew it. lando would be damned if he made the same mistake.
the things you did to him, the hold you had, it was almost frightening. and with every deep breath you took, he fell deeper and deeper.
-
when he woke up to your body pressed against his, feeling more refreshed than he had since august, lando smiled. he hadn’t even opened his eyes yet and you had him smiling. what kind of fool did that make him?
your catlike stretching and urgent need for coffee had driven the pair of you out of bed, despite how much lando hated the stuff and the both of you wanting to spend the morning tearing one another to shreds. you figured you had the rest of the day to get to that. you’d laughed as he threw his shirt at you, the sleeves too long. it hit mid thigh, the pair of you ignoring the creases as lando pulled you into him, rolling up the sleeves. he smirked at the goosebumps that littered your skin, left behind in the wake of his touch. you shoved his shoulder at his cocky smile.
lando made you a coffee, all of that work experience at mclaren finally paying off as he slid it across the counter towards you. you smiled, grateful, taking a sip. he pottered around the kitchen for a while, mumbling something about not knowing how to cook without setting the kitchen on fire. you were endeared as you watched him, leaning across the counter, resting your elbows on the surface. it was domestic and it was a long time coming.
neither of you wanted it to end, but you knew that important steps needed to be taken. lando was already mapping out the blueprints for what he would say to max, willing to grovel on his knees if that’s what it took.
it was lucky that lando was so accustomed to quick thinking, because the sound of keys in the lock made him realise that the grovelling would be starting a lot sooner than anticipated. there was only one other person with a set of keys. you know, for emergencies. lando was pretty certain that there was about to be an emergency.
your heart plummeted as the door swung open, the dress shirt hanging loosely off of your body doing little to preserve anyones dignity. max’s face fell immediately, the cogs in his brain spinning into action as he took in the disheartening sight before him.
hickeys, bare legs and messy hair. a train wreck.
this was becoming an unfortunate habit.
-
sorry max lol
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dawnoftime22 · 3 months
Text
"...because it feels like it will."
| W.M ( -> N.R )
Undeserving of a Love Like Yours, Chapter 4
Chapter Warnings: Staying underwater in a bathtub for a couple seconds, relationship problems, avoidance, distancing, alcohol, getting drunk.
Summary: Everything in your world starts to fall apart.
Series Summary: When you're stuck in a complete hole of confusion and hurt with the one you thought you loved most, a certain redhead finds her way into your life.
Word Count: 5.1k
Category: Angst. Full on aaaaangst.
A/N: this was...a lot. and unlike anything I've written before, but hooooo! I love how it turned out. I was a little late, but I hope you enjoy it <3
| Started on 19/01/2024, 2:28 PM |
| Finished on 05/02/2024, 8:18 PM |
Masterlist | Series Masterlist | N.R Masterlist
<- Chapter 3 Chapter 5 ->
"When did your heart stop beating as it once used to for me?"
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Light broke through the window, dawn visiting the sky with the sun. The bed was empty of either of your bodies. Dust could be seen floating around in the sunlight that came in the room.
You were up and about, already having finished showering and wearing your clothes. Wanda on the other hand, had gotten out the house even before you awoke.
Your feet takes you to the kitchen, the dim lighting adding nothing but only sleepiness to your still low energy. Even though you got your rest and showered.
You open the pantry to grab two slices of bread, to then put in the toaster after making sure the timer was set right. The watch on your wrist tells that it was 7:43 AM. You still had time.
As you waited for your bread to toast, you went to make a drink in your mug. Your thoughts drift to the brunette as you do so, not being able to help it.
Wanda had slowly started to not be present. You could say it's work, you could say she's busy or tired, but it was starting to be unavoidable to think about.
With you starting up work again, it being a weekday once more, you weren't sure if you were glad or not. It'll either be a distraction to not thinking about her at all, or more time alone to yourself to only be thinking about her.
A sigh leaves your mouth and you gently shake your head, trying to rid the endless thoughts in your head. Your hands cup the freshly made drink held within the warm mug, letting it sit on the cold marble counters.
Soon enough, your bread pops up from the toaster, and it was nearly perfect aside from the slightly lesser toasted parts. You probably need a new toaster.
Not caring much about it though, you grab a plate and place it on there, making your sandwiches easily for a morning breakfast. The minutes were going by a little quicker with every second you spent eating, and honestly, time was starting to look like its going against you today.
After you rush to finish the last few bites and put the plate in the sink along with your now empty mug, you go to the front door, phone and keys already in your pockets.
The drive to your workplace was a blur, your eyes were focused on the roads and your mind was preoccupied with the thoughts of everything and nothing as you tried to distract yourself with music.
You arrived soon enough and walk through the building, passing by co-workers, and many other people you didn't take mind to put a name to or even know.
Your work was pretty boring, sitting down at a desk with a plastic chair-- Yes, plastic, as there weren't any that were comfortable around the building except for the one in the boss's office.
The only thing that wasn't boring with it was being able to fiddle around with some spotlights and having fun with the colors. Your fingers move around the control board as you set everything up.
As time went by, you finished it up and let the lights do whatever you set them to do. Now, you had a choice to either sit and do something else, or do paperwork.
Although that sounded awful, you went to work on them instead, not wanting to be sore from sitting in the same position for the next few hours on your chair watching whatever show you downloaded on your phone while working on the lights.
The time went by, and you finished up most of it all, until lunch came by and it was time to get a break. You get up from your chair and leave the pen you were holding in your hand to lay upon the papers, going off in search for some food.
You made sure your phone was still in your pocket as you made your way out, your car still waiting for you outside. But, seeing as the place was close, you could just walk there. The sun shone down on you, the heat obvious both from your body warming up, and the bright yellow sunlight across the concrete sidewalk and other buildings.
After you went in the nearby café, you started cooling down a bit, the ac within it easily helping you out. The place was starting to get packed, but you've always had a small little corner you're able to keep for yourself every lunch break.
You go up to the front counter, ordering a few things before you went to the empty table. Your order number was a bit far, but you didn't mind it as you stared out the window. Lucky the sun didn't filter in through the glass here, seeing as it was behind the building.
Your mind then drifted off, stuck on a certain thought ever since you saw the clock strike lunch time. You bit down on your bottom lip and your hand reached in your pocket to grab your phone.
As your fingers unlock it and go through the apps to then scroll in your contacts list, your mind reeled with every possible thing that could happen. You probably shouldn't. You know you shouldn't. But it's worth a try.
Your thumb hovers over her name for a short while, but you give in and tap on the contact, giving in. It switches to calling mode, and you put your phone to your ear, anticipation making your heart beat faster.
The dialing tone keeps sounding out, and you were starting to regret it, but hope lead on with every beep. You hoped it doesn't go to voicemail. And it doesn't.
"Hello?" Her voice comes through the phone clearly, and you let go of a breath you've been holding quietly, looking out the window, so your eyes don't just focus on the plain table. You gather your thoughts, turning them into words.
"Hey. Um, you have lunchtime free, right?" You ask, your eyes moving to the orders list. Your number was going up, but you had enough time to keep talking with her.
"I do...Why?" She asks, as if skeptical of something. Had she forgotten about lunch break? You didn't let the curious thought linger and instead fiddle with the paper in your hand of your order number.
"I was just...wondering, because I do, and well, do you wanna have lunch together?" You say casually, expecting a denial with the many times she has before.
"Sure. Sure, that sounds good." She says, and you raise your eyebrows in surprise. But your heart jumps at the agreement.
"Okay. I'll maybe..." You pause for a second, looking down at the time on your watch. It showed 1:15 PM. "...see you at 1:20 PM?"
"I can be there by 1:30 PM." Her voice elongates some words, probably also checking her own watch as she said it. You smile, happy with her answer nonetheless.
"Okay. See you here." You say quietly, trying your best to keep your cool, like anyone else in the café. Although, they're probably pretty calm at the moment and not getting excited about something.
"See you." She didn't say anything else, and all you heard after was an end call tone. You pull your phone away from your ear, and right when you do, you notice the order list moving to your number.
You stood up, and went to grab it, thanking the cashier. When you sat back, you took a sip of your drink, but nothing more, thinking of waiting for Wanda.
As you waited, and waited, checking the time, your meal was starting to get cold and you were getting hungry. You took a couple bites here and there, enjoying your lunch.
Soon enough it was now getting to 2:20 PM. Your lunch break was ending soon, and you finished up the last of it, but not with someone you were hoping to spend it with. You check your phone again, in case you had somehow missed something even with the past few minutes you looked.
hey, are you coming?
if you have to cancel that's okay, just say it
Sent at 2:00 PM.
Wanda?
Sent at 2:14 PM.
No reply. Your hope was running short, and the café was starting to empty out. You take another look at the empty seat in front of you, then to the window's view of the roads outside. There was no sign of the brunette you much so keep precious.
You sigh, and get up, holding your phone tightly in your hands before storing it back in your pocket. It wasn't much. She was starting to deny spending lunchtime with you, and today was the first in a while she accepted. But it's worse when you find some hope and it escapes from your hands.
You put on your headphones, playing some music as you walked back, knowing the rest of the day you had to just finish up work. Hours and hours passed by and you had to stretch so you wouldn't get sore. But you made it through the end. You always do. The sun was setting as you collected your stuff and exited the building, going to your car.
You soon enough get home, having driven on auto-pilot, which was quite dangerous, but you've made it back unscathed. Or, well, physically. Mentally? You weren't doing so well.
The lock of the front door clicks with the movement of your hands, that then glide off to let your legs be free of your shoes. The place was quiet. A usual greeting whenever you'd come home, but it's gotten quieter, an in between from that horrid silence and just the atmospheric quietness. A void that seemed to swallow you up whole within your mind, replacing the silence.
You sigh heavily, walking to the bedroom. Nothing else was in your mind to do but just to take a shower. Although with how draining a shower in of itself sounded to be, you had decided with another version; the bath.
Your bag and jacket was taken off and thrown gently on the bed as you went to search for some comfortable clothes in the closet. Shirt, another shirt, jacket...Wanda's jacket, hoodie, collared shirt, and then your hand lands on a comfy oversized shirt you'd wear at home.
Sweatpants was swiped off from another part of the closet and put on the bed, ready for you get into after you were done. You go into the bathroom, closing the door behind you and locking it, even though no one else was in the house. Habit, you supposed. Plus, safety.
You turn on the faucet at the bathtub, letting the water run hastily down. You made sure the drain hole was closed and the temperature was just right before turning it off, peeling off your clothes to then carefully climb in the tub.
The warm water eased your tense muscles, the gentle small ripples visiting your skin as you moved to get comfortable. The bathtub was cold as you placed your hands on the sides, a big range in the temperature difference with the water.
Sounds of water tapping from the sink or showerhead every now and then echoes, reverberating off the walls. It was nice. Something to keep you company here and there even if your mind was hazy with thoughts.
Your eyes focus on a part of the wall somewhere in the bathroom, spacing off. You try not to do it for too long, knowing you'll only dig yourself a digger hole with thinking. Slowly, you take a deep breath in and sink into the bathtub, holding your breath in the water while bubbles went to surface.
You can feel the pressure heavy on your head. The water devouring you as you stayed down. After a few seconds though, you pull yourself back up, letting air flow back into your lungs and wiping your hair off your face.
It made you feel more alive, oddly enough, for something that's dangerous. Rather concerning if you thought about it more, but you brush it off and started to do more things, such as cleaning yourself off with some soap, the familiar scent filling the bathroom and making your exhausted soul relax just for a while.
Soon enough, you get out and dry yourself up, making sure the bathtub was drained of any water too. The cold air that visits you when you step out the bathroom, although even with a towel wrapped around your body, still stings your skin.
Your legs take you over to the bed, your hands moving on their own as you wore your clothes, the fabric covering your body and warming you right up easily.
Once you got done, you were right about to drop onto the bed, but then you look around the empty room. You end up staring at the flowers you got her in the corner of the room, sitting atop her desk. You clench your jaw slightly, and walk over to it. But you didn't do anything, really. Only your hand went up to gently touch the soft petals. You take in a deep breath before letting it go, your hand going into a fist as you let out your breath.
You turn away from it and walk back to the bed, shaking your head at your own movements and thoughts. You sat on the bed, the sheets soft on your hand. You then slowly drop down to lay your back against the mattress, your eyes looking up at the blank ceiling while your legs dangles off the edge of the bed.
With the seconds that go by, just as you were about to finally move to the pillows and lay comfortably, your phone dings with a notification. Your heart skipped a beat, and you freeze, a dreading feeling overcoming you.
You think it over and hesitate, not wanting to feel any worse, but having a gnawing feeling to check. But then you prop yourself up with your hands and grab your phone, the screen lighting up with your lockscreen as you clicked the power button.
The time shows up and a few other notifications, but one thing stood out to you most. A message. By who? Well, of course the one that's been on your mind for all of today. Your heartrate speeds up and you read the message.
Hey, sorry, I forgot to tell you I couldn't make it.
I'll try to make it home before you sleep though. Love you.
Sent at 7:34 PM.
Your eyes falter with any spark of hope you had left, and you click the power button once more, turning your phone off and slightly dropping it on the bed, it making a soft thump against the soft mattress. Your phone was fine and safe with the drop, but your heart surely wasn't.
Your throat swells up, and you hold your tongue against your teeth, trying everything within you not to let it get to you, but you slide off the bed and go to sit on the floor, your back resting against the side of the bed now.
A sniffle comes from you and your eyes well up with tears. You didn't want to cry. But with everything-- your lungs do a sharp intake of breath, and you squeeze your eyes shut, pulling your legs up to your chest and hugging your legs with your arms.
Your tears soon leak from your eyes, down to your cheeks and sobs left your mouth. God, of course you were crying. It was just a small thing. Or well, that's what your mind wants you to think. She's never left you waiting just like that.
A few more couple of minutes went by, with you letting out your built up feelings until you calm down a little more. You wipe away the mixed tears that were both from your nose and your eyes, both the skin of your hand and your arm filled with it.
They dried off though as you pulled yourself up off the floor and got back on the bed, your teeth capturing your bottom lip. So many muscles working to keep yourself moving, even though they got a rest in the bathtub, they were kept going even after.
But now, you relax a bit, shuffling to lay your head on the pillow. It was cold, so you go to grab the covers first and pull it over you. You curl up under them, your nose red from the crying. But your body got to rest as your once heavy breaths went softer with every minute.
|——————————— ᗢ ———————————|
The next day you once more awoke to empty sheets. Again and again. You were starting to question what exactly was happening, because it all seemed to be something rather than just your mind playing tricks on you.
Nothing much happened in the day. You worked at home, doing stuff on your laptop. Once you were done, you laid around relaxing while all at the same time being anxious. While the sun went down, the skies got cloudy, and just as the moon started to glow brightly, rain starts pouring down.
It was getting cozy, with the dim lighting. You watched a show on the tv, but wasn't really waiting on much, just scared of what you'll have to soon face.
As an hour or two go by with you sitting on the couch, you start to get sleepy, your eyes heavy. But right as you shut off the tv and was about to get up, you hear keys clinking near the front door.
You kept your place on the couch, your eyes keeping watch of it, but when you hear a struggle with the keys going in and not unlocking, you stand up, going to go open it for her.
You turn the lock and open it, behind it revealing Wanda who had seemed like she just got up from crouching to grab her keys.
"Hi." She says with a small laugh, smiling sheepishly as she held her keys between her fingers, showing them to you. "Slippery hands."
You didn't react much, only your lips moved to form a straight line as you stepped aside to let her in. She goes in and kicks off her shoes while you closed the door behind her, locking it.
As Wanda went to take off her jacket too, you walk more to her front, your mind only focused on what had happened yesterday.
"You didn't show up yesterday," you say in a whisper, the words coming out of your mouth without much thought. She turns her head to look at you, her mouth open slightly as she took in a breath in surprise but as if moving to say something.
"I got caught up in doing stuff and I...forgot." She puts her keys in her pockets, turning fully to you. That was when she saw your face, how different you seemed than the soft look you'd usually look at her with.
"We had lunch break, Wands." The nickname slipped from your mouth easily, especially in the situation of the confrontation. Your voice was gentle, but stern, and full of emotion.
"I know, but so much is going on and..." she trails off as she looks away from you, and you had hoped she'll go on, but instead she purses her lips and her eyes travel back to you, a breath of a sigh leaving her mouth.
"Come on, it's going to be New Year's soon." Your eyes widen a bit at the mention, having forgotten it was going to be the start of a new year from the weeks you've been lost in. She puts her hands up as if to gesture before she reaches in a bag she had brought home, grabbing something.
"I got us wine." She pulls out the bottle of wine, a small smile playing on her lips as she raises her eyebrows. Surprise was on your face before you furrow your eyebrows, seeing where she was going with this.
"Right...but we should really talk." You say, your eyes following her movement as she walked off to the kitchen, grabbing some wine glasses and popping open the wine.
"Soon, Y/N," she said sternly herself, focused on pouring the drink down in the glasses as you made your way to where she stood near the kitchen island.
"Now, are we going to party or are you going to ruin it?" She finishes up, grabbing a glass full and holding it out for you, her face obvious with expecting you to go with the first choice.
Your eyes flicker from her and the glass, before lingering on the glass. A breath leaves your body through your nose gently and your hand impulsively reaches up to grab it. It was a moment of weakness and you took it.
She smiles and hums, grabbing her own glass and taking a sip. You too, although you took a bit more than she did. The liquid easily ran down your throat, although burning slightly.
"You know what I think we should do?" She sounded out, her eyes looking towards the watch, counting down the hours until New Year's came around. You follow her gaze, and there was around two hours left.
You hum in question, looking back at her. She smiled wider and goes to the drawers nearby, opening one. You gazed curiously at her, wondering what exactly she was up to.
"We should play some Uno." She holds up the box that held the cards, and your eyebrows rose, but finally your lips raise up too slightly.
She goes over to the living room, sitting down on the couch and setting up the cards. You follow behind her, sitting on the bean bag nearby the couch as you wait for your set of cards.
The two of you start the game, it starting off slow until it moved to a few Unos and fails. You had one too many reds now, and really you were starting to hate the color.
She calls out Uno, and you had two cards left. You hoped she didn't have a yellow, seeing as she's been going with your last few reds and blues, but not a yellow.
As it was her turn, she cheers and whoops, throwing her last card onto the pile of uno cards you two played. It was a wild card.
"I won!!" She says, putting her hands in the air, and you had your mouth open in shock, looking at her with an unbelievable expression.
"That's not fair! You're using a wild card." You put your hand out, gesturing towards it. Sure you've seen this strategy before, and even used it yourself, but it definitely frustrated you most times.
"It is fair!" She laughs, drinking more from her glass and finishing the last drop of wine in it, leaving it back on the coffee table next to the stack of cards.
"Nope!" You say, grabbing the pile of Uno cards and gathering them, putting them together properly once more for another match.
"Is!" She exclaims with a smile and a tilt of her head, watching you shuffle the cards when you got them all.
Soon after a couple more rounds, and a couple more wine refills, the two of you get drunker as time inched to New Year's, your happiness only there because the alcohol riled you up.
"How'd we end up on the floor, anyway?" She asks, laughing, and her words slurring as you had your feet in her lap, your back laid on the floor while hers was against the couch.
"Because we are extremely drunk. That's how." You say through a giggle, putting up your index finger as if to make a point.
You moved to sit up and shuffle to sit beside her instead of laying down, her gaze focused on the time. You smile, looking at her lovestruck, although drunk. You then whisper, "I love you."
But she only went with, "Andddd...Happy New Year's!!" She puts her hands up and turns to you, going in to kiss you on your lips. Your eyebrows raise in surprise, but you take it.
That was how that night turned out. You both went on, and danced, and did other things until you fell asleep. The morning was ruined with a horrid hangover, but you managed, somehow. Wanda just spent her day by going with sleeping longer.
And then, in the span of months, the relationship you built so carefully with love and passion, through four months, started to fall down. All along with your heart. Slowly. Oh, so slowly.
You started to only see her in the middle of the nights, whenever the bed dips and you wake up just slightly. Most times she wouldn't even bother to go close to you and pull you close. Just keeping her distance.
On some random day, you decide to break and pick up your phone, being unable to deal with any of it anymore.
You go through the grueling process of going to your contacts and searching her up once more, your fingers not hesitating to tap on the call button.
And as you wait, you hear the calling noise sound out. That sickening. Call tone. But after just a few more, she picks up.
"Hello?" She says, and you could hear a bit of her sokovian accent coming out. Your eyebrows furrowed slightly in confusion. She only did that when she was angry or something, but you went on with your plan.
"Wanda, we need to talk." You say, although slightly calmly, you were certainly trying your best to keep yourself grounded than splutter out all the words and questions in your head.
"Yeah?" She says in a breath, and you can hear something in the background. You assume she dropped something, because it sounded like clutter.
"Why are you being so distant lately?" You slowly ask, and she went silent. It left you sitting in your thoughts as to what exactly she was doing on the other side of the call.
Probably thinking about her next words. Probably 'busy with work,' probably this, probably that. Then you hear her take in a breath.
"...I think we need to take a break." She says suddenly. You were expecting it. Not that sentence, and certainly not that straightforward. You were expecting her to say, 'We need to break up.' But your mouth would be open slightly either way.
This was happening on a phone call. Of all the times you could be together, and she decides to do it over the phone. Sure, you rang her up, but it was to go in the direction of communication, not to do something a little extreme.
"What? Wanda, what we need least of all is a break. Honestly, we need more time together than less." You say in disbelief and scoff, knowing you had spent less time than you ever had the start of last year.
"Communication. We need that. Please, we've been through this before." Your voice came out more gently, and a little shakily, your thoughts having gone to the past but not lingering.
"I tried spending time with you. It's just...I don't know, Y/N." She said in frustration, and your eyes roll slightly then move around the room, looking at every furniture here as you tried to make sense of the situation and find more words to say to her.
"What do you mean, you 'don't know'??" You question. She was either just as confused of her emotions or feelings just as you were or, she was holding something back.
"I love you, you know that. But I...don't think we can work right now." She said urgently at first before transitioning to a slower pace in her talking. Your eyes well up with tears, and it took everything in you not to straight up hang up the phone. You had to deal with this even through the tears while talking to her. You took a deep breath.
"Talk, Wanda." You say, and she goes quiet once more. This time, perhaps out of guilt. The silence was deafening, and you had nothing to focus on except for the hardwood flooring and the carpet.
"I...think I'm falling out of love with you." At that, your heart drops. Her voice was shaky too, and full of emotions. Way more than you've ever heard for the past few days.
"What...?" The word comes out in a breath from your mouth. It didn't feel real. This didn't feel real. Your heart didn't even feel like it was beating anymore. Was this one of your nightmares? Well, it's a real one, that's for sure, with the texture of the couch felt against the skin of your hands.
"I don't wanna fight with you and...you're making no sense." You look up and sniffle, trying your best not to let yourself cry while still on the call. Wanda was silent.
"But okay. If that's what you really want." You nod continuiously, your voice obvious in sounding like you're about to tear up. And you were.
"I'll see you later, Y/N." She said. You didn't even get the chance to hang up, the ending tone sounding out and echoing. The silence wasn't a welcome back at all. A welcome to hell? Maybe.
You sat with your shoulders slumping, processing what had just happened, and you finally break, crying once again.
The rest of the day was filled with dread and like your heart was getting beat and shattered to a million peaces. You had retreated to the comfort of your bed, laying in it and letting your tears stain the pillow you laid your head on.
You slept all alone.
But you'd do it over and over again for her. Just because you believed it'll pass with time. Just because...you didn't want to let go yet. Just a little longer.
You only saw her once in december. And it wasn't even really december anymore, it was new year's day. Plans that started every now and then, though rare, was getting cancelled.
She seemed like she was getting sick to her stomach every time she met you face to face once more. Either that or your mind was tricking you.
Your body subconsciously moved every now and then, searching for the warmth of another body next to you, but there wasn't one, and your body had found your own warmth by curling up instead.
end of chapter 4. </3
Series Masterlist <- Chapter 3 Chapter 5 ->
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sourbinnie · 11 months
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title -> antes de morirme pair -> ex!chan x gn!reader genre -> aaaaangst to fluff + non idol!au plot -> one lonely night for two dumb lovers words -> 1881 warnings -> smoking + drinking + drugs mentioned once + cursing lowercase intended
vámonos de aquí para no volver y si volvemos, que sea solo pa' hacerlo llover vámonos de aquí, no quiero esperar el cielo está en algún otro lugar
antes de morirme / c.tangana & rosalia
what was i doing here? i don't know.
i lost track of time when i was being dragged by my friends to this club. i didn't know how to manage my feet as i just kept on walking towards nowhere and expecting to find myself somewhere. i wanted to get out of my house so bad that when jisung brought up this solution, i just put on my shoes and ran with it. now i'm beginning to regret it, i never was the biggest fan of the smell of alcohol or the sweat in people's foreheads as they bumped into each other 'cause this clearly wasn't dancing. everything felt heavy, like there was no air going through my lungs and i felt myself get lost in the place, managing to lose every friend that i brought with me.
i could only hear mumbling, the beat of a track that went on & on but headed nowhere in the background. i kept getting glances of interest approaching my way but none of them were of interest to me. it's like i couldn't even think straight 'cause my mind always went to one person only, the one i was trying so hard to forget. i wanted to head towards the exit as soon as i entered the building but it's like i couldn't find it anymore. i was meant to loose up, i was supposed to have a good time (i wasn't). 
i'm also not the biggest fan of drinking but my feet took me to bar and i started ordering drink after drink. to the point where i had to cut myself off as i checked my phone's time and it was heading towards midnight and i could not stop. felt like an eternity just sitting there and watching people, not even talking to the bartender. in the crowd i counted couples making out, dudes that were drunk as fuck doing embarrassing shit, people smoking inside, all kinds of drugs splattered on the tables and chairs and more crazy shit that i did not dare to look up on google as soon as the night was over, i was better not knowing.
through the smoke and mirrors i found your shadow teasing me. i'm either really drunk or insane if i knew exactly that the shape that was made was you. the worst part is that i was right and i could not stop looking at you. you were insanely gorgeous, all dressed up like it was your party and all fresh & clean, looking your best while i was dying at my worst. 
you didn't look happy though, there was this one dude tugging at your arm. he looked insanely drunk and i was insanely confident in the fact that you did not like him one bit. all the alcohol was drained out of me as soon as i heard you mumble "let go" and it was over. somehow i found jisung & minho staring at me (like i wasn't looking for them all night long) and i just shook my head and pushed everyone out of the way just to head towards you. it was harder than i expected even though i saw you, i could not find it easy to go through so many fucking people. but i managed to do it and the look on your face was telling me that you did not expect me to be here. the guy tried to grab you again, harsher this time and this is when i lost all my self control as i grabbed his arm, pushing it away and giving him a punch in the face. i did not regret it one bit, no is no, not caring if it was too much. he was unconscious on the floor, maybe because of the punch or a mix of the alcohol or whatever, i could not give a single fuck. my focus was on you again and your shocked expression.
"chan what the fuck? i-." no words were coming out of you so i just grabbed your hand and through the crowd, the smell, the fogginess and the sickness of it all, i got you out. maybe i needed to escape the place more than you did since i did cause an absolute scene with horrified looks my way but again i did not give a single shit. "i don't know why you did that but... thank you".
"no problem, he was a douchebag and he deserved it." i said as i remembered that horrified look on you and that was enough to get me mad. the tension was growing again like i did the last time i saw you where all hell broke loose. i did not expect this to be easy, for a conversation to just flow so i just grabbed my pack of cigarettes from my pocket and looked for the lighter. "ah fuck, can't believe i forgot it."
"your lighter? how does this always happen to you?" you said as you chuckled at my clumsiness and reached in your pocket to find your lighter, using it to light up my cig. as soon as you did, you looked me in the eye and grabbed my hand like i did just before. "let's go somewhere else before someone from security finds you dumbass".
i didn't even think about that as we started to walk away, the night still young as i blew the smoke to the cold air. you were tangling your hand with mine and god did it feel so right. i couldn't explain the feeling of being this close again with you but i didn't want anything else right at this moment. it was so wrong to savor the moment while i could right? i knew we wouldn't be together after tonight. you would go home and i would go "home" as i did not like calling it that anymore 'cause you weren't there anymore.
"what have you been up to?" i ask like i don't stalk your social media every day and hope that you come back like a fool. 
"just the usual, tried to get away from the busy college life to end up here." you said sighing and stealing my cigarette, if it was anybody else i would've been mad but if it's you i would give you everything i own. "i hope you've been good, did you finish your album?"
right the one that now is all break up songs 'cause the lovey-dovey ones feel to happy and i'm not content with my life at all. that album...
"i think i'll wait a bit to release it, i'm working on a mixtape to let all my thoughts and feelings out." i said honestly and sadly. man the last thing that i wanted was pity but you could see how miserable i was just by seeing me from a far view. you just nodded and we kept on walking through the park we used to go, you tried to read your books and i played guitar for you to concentrate. it was our own little world and our way to go around things. god remembering hurt but seeing you by my side, it's like you numbed the pain away. "i missed you."
why the fuck did i say that? why did you laugh? it wasn't your usual laugh though, it sounded like a little broken chuckle that you couldn't control. 
"i would be lying if i said that i didn't miss you channie." you said, giving me a tiny smile and for the first time in months, i genuinely smiled back. "it's been really hard without you and i can't say i'm doing super well."
"honestly same." i said as i sat down in a bench and looked up. many city lights flowing but none of them compared to the stars above in the sky. and then again none of them shined as bright as (y/n). you sat down next to me as i looked up and then you did the same. laying your head on my shoulder as we once again held each other's hand. nothing could be better than this even if i became the biggest artist on earth, nothing would compare to the feeling that it is to be with you. "i just... i wish i could go back in time sometimes."
"what would you do?" you asked curiously and i just shrugged like it was obvious. "come on! i wanna hear it chris and maybe i'll let you know if i would do the same."
"i would spend more time with you than ever and appreciate that i had you, that there's nothing better than being with you and knowing that you're mine. i would want to cherish you, love you, accept who you are and not make you feel like the things you're doing or feeling are invalid. i wish i could go back just to say i love you once more and that i could not live without you because it's true, i have not been functioning without you by my side. i wanted to go out and forget you, yet here i am once again being reminded that falling in love with you is the best thing that ever happened to me." 
no words were spoken but the silence was comforting. i needed to let my emotions out, to let you know how i actually feel and not the angry words that i used that night against you. i wanted you to know this for the longest time and here we are once again.
"i could never hate you or forget you even if i tried to. even if i wanted to just do that, my heart will always belong to you and seeing you again, saving me from that creep as cliche as it is, made me realize that you're always gonna be the one to have my back, to defend me, to save me. i don't wanna be without you channie, i love you more than words can describe." you said slowly and softly, every word hitting me and making me realize that we both been fools when we decided to drift apart. trying to get back on my feet when all i needed was you and all you needed was me just makes me know that this is the moment and we should take it.
again the silence was there but this time i leaned in closer and so did you. i cut it off with a simple and light kiss but it suddenly turned desperate as the night shined and we both lost ourselves in the moment. i did not want to drift away from you, i did not want to let you go again but you broke the kiss immediately as you looked at me and laughed, i couldn't help but smile again genuinely.
"take me back?" you asked and i just shook my head because i should be the one asking you that, not you. "i know you wanted to be the one to ask but i did things wrong too channie and i broke us off."
"(y/n)... there's nothing i want more than to have you back."
and then i sealed it again with another kiss.
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harringtonstilinski · 2 years
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Don’t Let It End - Steve Harrington
Author: @stilinskiparker Characters: Steve Harrington x Henderson!Reader Word Count: 2,673 Warnings: ST4 spoilers??, aaaaangst, pov switches, character death, y’all are gonna fucking hate me :) Tropes/AU’s: Best Friends to Lovers | Fake Dating | Soulmate AU | Established Relationship | if you can think of any more, let me know! Smut: no | yes; Requested: Yes. I hope this meets your expectations! I also added a twist at the end ;) A/N: Hi, friends! This contains small spoilers for S4V1, so if you haven’t watched it already, pls do not read. There’s two pov switches, but they’re happening at the same time. Where the first pov ends is basically where the ending of the second pov (third person pov) begins. It’s confusing, but go with it, lol. BUT, I hope you like this! If you do, please do not hesitate to reblog and give some feedback, whether it be in the reblogs, comments, or my inbox. As always, read at your own risk and enjoy 😊
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FIRST PERSON POV
Sitting at the cemetery with Max wasn’t what I wanted to be doing at that moment, but here I was; sitting at Billy’s grave with her.
Billy Hargrove and I had dated the year prior. How? I’m still not sure to this day. I think he just wanted a fuck buddy since Mrs. Wheeler was way out of his league… plus, he was a minor at the time he tried getting into her pants.
During that time, Max and I had grown even closer than what we were before, almost like sisters. I needed her and she needed me. Her mom didn’t seem to mind.  Max and I were close from the Dart situation two years ago when Steve started babysitting her from that night in the junkyard.
My little brother, Dustin, was happy that Billy and I broke up, though he was kinda sad about the reason. Dustin and Billy never got along, and he was pretty pissed about the fact that I dated him after he threatened to beat the shit out of Lucas at the Byer’s house… and after he kicked Steve’s ass.
Speaking of Steve, he was my boyfriend now. When Billy died that night at Starcourt Mall, he held me back from going to the lower level of the mall, whispering in my ear that Max needed to be the one to cry over his body.
Steve and I were best friends then, and even before then in high school and middle school… well, pretty much since Kindergarten. We’d been put in the same classes since then. He was there for all my phases, even my Classic Rock phase that didn’t seem to fade out.
Steve confessed his feelings for me that 4th of July night, but he let me go at my own pace, since I’d had feelings for him, too. Around October ‘85 is when I told him I wanted to be his girl, and he was happy. 
Three months might not seem like enough time to get over someone dying, but since I had Steve by my side the entire step of the way, it was easy. He’d let me cry on his shoulder, stay however long I wanted to at his house. 
Now, five months later, Steve drove Max and I, as well as Lucas and Dustin, to the cemetery, where she and I were sitting. I listened to her read a letter she’d written for Billy. She’d written letters for everyone, myself included.
As she was reading her letter, the sky went dark very quickly, so I looked around, not really seeing anything before I heard a clock chiming. That’s odd. Why would there be a clock in the middle of the cemetery?
I heard laughing before I heard someone calling my name. Scared would be an understatement for how I’m feeling right now.
“Y/N/N,” the voice said again. I stood up, recognizing the voice, seeing a figure standing in the distance. “I’ve been waiting to hear those words from her, Y/N/N. Waiting so very long.”
I sighed, my breathing getting a little heavier by the second. “Billy,” I breathed.
He walked closer to me as he said, “But it wasn’t the full truth, was it? And you. Jumping into Harrington’s bed not three months after I died. You never really loved me, did you?”
“Billy, I know this isn’t you,” I said, holding my hand out in front of me a little bit.
Stopping in front of me, he said, “I think there’s a part of you, buried somewhere deep, that wanted me to die that day just so you could get with Harrington. That was maybe even… relieved. Happy.”
“No, that’s not true. I loved you, I did,” I said, through my tears.
“That’s why you let him stop you, isn’t it, Y/N/N? It’s okay. You can admit it now. You’ve always had feelings for Harrington. No more lies. No more hiding.”
“Stop it, Billy, that’s not true,” I whispered, tears streaming down my face. “I swear it’s not true!” I started sobbing at this point.
Backing me up while walking more towards me, Billy said, “It’s why you feel so much guilt. Why you hide from your friends, from your little brother, the world. And why, late at night, you wish you never met me while smiling in the comfort of Steve’s arms.”
The clock started chiming again as I shook my head. 
“That is why I am here, Y/N/N. To end your suffering once and for all.”
I missed the ledge of his grave, landing on my back. I went to look back at him, but what I saw instead terrified me. Vecna.
“It is time, Y/N,” Vecna said. “Time for you… to join me.”
I got up and started running through the cemetery, muttering apologies along the way as I ran over the gravesites. 
I stopped running once I found a small brick wall I could hide behind, trying to quiet my breathing. The only people I could think about Steve, Dustin and Max. Lucas, too. I thought about getting out of whatever mindfuck place I was in. I couldn’t leave them behind. Not them, not even the Wheeler’s or the Byer’s. 
I made the most stupidest decision I could make and looked from behind the wall, seeing Vecna appear out of the shadows, his deep voice saying, “You cannot hide from me, Y/N.”
I ran until I could run no more, looking around me, screaming,“Steve!! Dustin!! Max!! Lucas!! Steve, please help!! Dustin!!”
Seeing red appear to my left, I turned and faced it. What possessed me to walk towards it, I’ll never know, but I did. It was like the sky had painted red, like the roses from Alice in Wonderland. 
I looked behind me, trying to see where I’ve been… and to also see if Vecna was still following me. Looking back in front of me, I walked a few more feet before hearing something squishy under my shoes. I looked down, thinking it was mud, but then I suddenly realized that I’d seen these types of vines before; two years ago in the tunnels.
I looked up, seeing what looked like spikes sticking out of the ground, little pieces of something else floating around. With my investigative side coming out, I decided to walk further into the Forest of Spikes.
As I got closer, I walked up to, what I’m imagining, would be stairs. I saw a flight of stairs that looked like they led to nowhere, a grandfather clock floating in the air and chiming, a front door floating, and the structure of what looked like a house.
“What are you doing in here, Y/N?” Vecna asked.
I stepped on what looked to be some time of white berry. When I pulled my foot away, I screamed at the top of my lungs, backing away, seeing nothing but a shit of spiders crawling from where I stepped.
“Come back to me.”
I turned around, screaming again when I saw Chrissy Cunningham’s body on some sort of post before seeing Nancy’s friend, Fred Benson, on another post, both of them tied up with vines.
“How do you like them, Y/N?” Vecna asked, making me turn to face him. “Would you like to join them?”
“Never,” I seethed, turning to my right and starting to run when a vine caught my ankle. “Shit! Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!” I was dragged along the ground before my pack hit a post, the vines holding me tightly by my legs, wrists and neck.
I was whimpering and crying, knowing full well that this was where I met my fate until Steve, Dustin and others would find a way to break me out.
Hearing the words “Wait and see, time is all that we really need” made me look behind Vecna, seeing everyone crowding around me as my favorite song of the moment played on, everyone yelling for me to wake up.
“They can’t help you,” Vecna said, the vine around my neck tightening. “There’s a reason you hide from them. You belong here with me.”
“You’re not… really here,” I choked. 
“Oh, I am,” he answered. “I am.”
Vecna raised his clawed out hand above my head and I immediately started thinking of happy memories; ones with my brother and the party, with Billy… mostly with Steve before the audio started to get all distorted.
“No,” I quietly grunted. “No, no, no n–” I gasped, feeling Vecna’s nails enter my head and face. My last words I thought of before all I saw was black was, “I love you, Steve.”
THIRD PERSON POV
Looking at his girlfriend sitting at her ex-boyfriends grave wasn’t something that Steve wanted to do, but Max had asked her to come with her, so she did. Lucas was sitting on the hood of the car, while Dustin stood in the passenger door with arm on it and his foot propped up. 
Steve tapped at the outside of the car before looking at his watch. “They’ve had long enough,” he said, getting out of the car, closing the door behind him.
“Steve, just give them some time,” Lucas said.
“I have, alright, Sinclair,” Steve responded, backing his way up the small hill behind him. “I’m calling it. Max wants to get a lawyer, she can. Y/N’s still coping, I need to make sure she’s alright.”
Steve continued his walk through the graves, reaching Y/N and Max. The younger teen was wiping the tears from her face as Steve walked up and said, “Guys. Time to go, yeah?”
Max nodded her head, looking in Y/N’s direction, eyes going a little wide. “Y/N/N?” She looked up at Steve, fear in her eyes.
The older teen looked at his girlfriend, putting a hand on her shoulder, saying her name a couple times while noticing her eyes looking the lightest shade of blue on her iris’ with red replacing the white. “Y/N!”
Shaking his girlfriend, Steve yelled for her to wake up, clapping to get her attention. “Y/N/N, wake up!” 
Dustin's face went more serious, seeing and hearing Steve yelling at his sister.
“Y/N, wake up!” Steve said, distress and sadness laced in his voice. He looked over at two younger male teens, yelling at them before going back to trying to wake his girlfriend while Lucas and Dustin ran to Steve, Max and Y/N.
Max was scared the whole time, not knowing what to do, fresh tears coming to her eyes as she watched the girl that was like her sister sit in a trance. She tried yelling out Y/N’s name to help Steve wake her up, but so far, nothing was happening.  
Max, Lucas, Dustin and Steve were shaking Y/N, saying her name, trying desperately to get her out of the trance.
“You gotta get out of there!”
“Wake up!”
Grabbing Dustin’s jacket, Steve said to the boy, “Go call Nancy and Robin. Go call Nancy and Robin!”
Running towards the car, Dustin had only one thing on his mind; to save his sister. “Don’t worry, Y/N/N. I’m coming, I’m gonna help save you.” Once he made it to the car, he grabbed his walkie talkie, hitting the button on the side and spoke into it, “Nancy, Robin, do you copy? This is a code red! Do you copy?!” At no response, the teen said, “Shit. Robin!! Robin, where the hell are you? This is a code red, I repeat a code red!”
“Dustin, it’s Robin. We copy.”
“Holy shit, finally! Please, please tell me you have this figured out,” he said, standing on top of Steve’s car. He’d deal with the consequences later.
After Robin had told Dustin what to do, he ran back up to Steve, asking what his sister’s favorite song was. 
“Styx’s Don’t Let It End,” Steve said. “She’s been loving it lately.”
“Roger that,” Dustin said, before hightailing it back to the car to find the tape. When he couldn’t locate it, he grabbed Max’s bag, grabbing a handful of tapes, along with Max’s walkman and hightailed it back to his sister. 
“Y/N/N, you gotta get out of there,” Lucas said. “Can you hear me?”
“Guys!” Dustin said, out of breath, dropping the tapes to the grass.
“What is this?” Lucas asked.
“Her favorite song!” Dustin answered. “I couldn’t find the tape! I figured Max might have it!”
“Why?!”
“Robin said if she listens – it’s too much to explain, help me find her song!”
The four boys and girl looked through the tapes, trying to find the one with Don’t Let It End on it. After a frantic search, Steve said, “I got it, I got it! Put it in! Put it in!”
Dustin took the tape and put it into the walkman, Max putting the headphones on Y/N’s ears, Lucas pressing the play button.
Frantically, everyone continued to yell at Y/N to wake up before her body lifted into the air. Not a few moments later, with everyone still yelling out her name, Y/N’s arms and legs began to snap in different directions, her jaw doing the same before her eyes started bleeding out. 
When her body dropped back down to the ground, Steve immediately grabbed her and pulled her into his lap. “Baby,” he said, tears starting to stream down her face. “Baby, wake up. You gotta wake up. Please, baby, wake up.”
Sighs of defeat were heard from the other three teens, Dustin quietly saying, “No,” with tears in his eyes.
With sobs wracking his body, Steve still tried to get her to wake up before Dustin put an arm on his shoulder, saying, “She’s dead, Steve! She’s dead!”
~~~
Back at the Wheeler house, everyone gathered around the table in the basement, sitting on the couch and chairs provided.
Max sighed, standing from her sitting position. “That wasn’t her favorite song.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Steve asked, distraught.
“Just what I said. That wasn’t her favorite song.”
“Then what was it?” Dustin said.
“Yeah, enlighten the class,” Steve said.
Max sighed again, hand running over the top of her head. “When her and Billy were dating, he introduced her to that metal shit he used to listen to. She took a liking to this one band, Night Ranger.”
With expectant looks, she exasperatedly sighed. “Her favorite song was At Night She Sleeps!”
Steve thought about it for a moment, running his hand through his hair while quietly saying, “Oh my god.” 
“What?” Dustin asked.
“I should’ve known,” Steve said. He sighed before saying, “She used to always play it on my record player when she’d have a shit day. She was loving Don’t Let It End lately that I thought it was her favorite.” He sat down, head in his hands while tears came to his eyes. He whispered to himself, “It’s all my fault.”
“Don’t you dare blame yourself,” Robin said, sitting next to her best friend. “It was the only song you could think of in that moment of trying to save her. Yes, it didn’t work, but you tried, and that’s all that should matter is you trying. She would’ve done the same if the roles were reversed.”
“If I know my sister, she would’ve told you to not beat yourself up over it,” Dustin said. “Like, Robin said, you tried. That’s all that my sister would’ve wanted.”
Steve looked at the younger teen, giving a small smile before reaching into his pocket, bringing out a folded up polaroid of the girl he loved more than anything. He saw a future with her, he saw having children with her. 
Steve made a promise to himself that whoever he loved next, might not be as much as he loved Y/N, but he would definitely try to give them the best life they could possibly ever imagine.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N 2:  hi, friends! let me know what you thought about! again, please do not hesitate to reblog and give some feedback, whether it be in the reblogs, comments, or my inbox.
Additional Notes: we’re also adding a lot of new things up top! let me know what y’all think about that! is it more organized, is it more chaotic? let me know! :)
~~~
Forever / Everything Taglist: @stiles-o-dylan24 @stixnstripesworld @fandom-princess-forevermore @quanticobae @mischiefandi @kellyashcroft @lauren-novak
Steve Harrington Taglist: none yet!​
If you’re tagged and didn’t want to be, please let me know.
Italics wouldn’t let me tag!
~~~
*Please don’t post my writing anywhere else without my consent. The author of this work will always and forever be @stilinskiparker.
All characters, story lines, and plot aside from y/n and her storyline & plot, are all of the work of The Duffer Brothers.
*These works contain material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited.
No part of these works may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the author / publisher.
Posted on July 12, 2022
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moriihana · 1 year
Text
we can't fix each other but we sure as hell can enable each other instead || six: why does everyone monologue so much
pairing: dabi x disabled!gn!reader
overview: you meet dabi pre-canon because your cat, nugget, literally won’t leave the guy alone. friendship, fluff and (eventual) angst ensue.
chapter summary: shigaraki makes a mistake (kidnaps a Child™), a grandpa knocks out dabi and upsets you, then shit goes sideways and you're kinda homeless again but not really
content: aaaaangst?
word count: 1788
a/n: couldn't find a good enough gif for dabi so we've got the asshole thumb thumb lookin fucker instead
*previously known as “we can’t fix each other (but we can heal our wounds together)”; i changed the title bc these assholes aint healin shit they’re just being overall menaces
AO3 link
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“I’ll ask you one more time, aspiring hero, Bakugo Katsuki… will you join me?”
You had to withhold a laugh at Shigaraki’s question. He really thinks kidnapping this kid and chaining him up will win his favour? 
“If you’re gonna talk in your sleep, you should just go to sleep and die,” Bakugo snarled. You did laugh at that. 
“I think you just got owned by a kid, boss.” You grinned, disregarding Shigaraki’s withering glare. Dabi elbowed you and mouthed ‘not the time’. 
Shigaraki turned his attention to the T.V., where Eraserhead was giving a statement on the Villain’s attack and Bakugo’s kidnapping. After a few minutes, he looked back at Bakugo. 
“It’s so strange…” he said. “Why are the heroes being criticised? The way they were dealing with things was just a little off the mark. Is it because it’s their job to protect? Everyone makes a mistake or two. Are they supposed to be perfect? Modern-day heroes are so uptight. Don’t you think, Bakugo?”
“Once heroes receive compensation to protect people, they aren’t heroes anymore,” Spinner added. “That is Stain’s teaching.”
“Many of your so-called ‘heroes’ only protect those who fit their beliefs,” you said softly, “and disregard the suffering of those they deem lesser or unworthy. Are they really heroes then?”
Shigaraki began again, “The strange system of transforming people’s lives into money or glory. The society that sticks tight to those rules. The citizens who blame the losers rather than encourage them. Our fight is to question: what is a hero? What is justice? Is this society truly just? We’ll have everybody thinking about it. We’re planning on winning.” He trained his eye on Bakugo, and asked with a tilt of his head, “you like winning, too, right?”
Bakugo’s glare sharped. You stepped back slightly, not trusting the look on the kid’s face.
“Dabi, release his restraints.” Shigaraki pointed at the boy. Dabi turned to their leader.
“Huh? This guy’s gonna fight, you know.” 
Shigaraki shrugged. “It’s fine. We need to treat him like an equal, since we’re scouting him. Besides, you can tell if you’ll win or not if you fight in this situation, right, U.A. student?”
Dabi huffed, then glanced at Twice. “Twice, you do it.” You snickered. He glared at you, as if daring you to comment. You chose not to.
“What, me? No way!” Twice jumped.
“Do it.”
“Man…” He walked over and began to fiddle with the restraints. As he did that, Compress spoke up.
“I do apologise for using such forceful methods. But please understand that we are not just a mob trying to commit crimes. We didn’t kidnap you by accident.”
Shigaraki got up and approached Bakugo, who was massaging his wrists. “Even though our situations differ, everyone here has been restricted and suffered because of people… rules… and heroes. I’m sure you also—” He stopped speaking when Bakugo kicked Twice away and lunged towards him, setting off an explosion and knocking Father off of his face.
“Shigaraki!”
“I listened quietly to your endless talking… idiots can’t get to the point, so they’re always talking for a long time. Basically, you mean ‘we wanna harass people, so please join us,’ right? Don’t bother.” Bakugo stood straight and grinned. “I want to win like All Might. No matter what anyone says, that will never change!”
Dabi moved slightly to shield you as everyone took up defensive positions in case the kid decided to fight. It was then that you noticed Shigaraki’s unnerved expression as he eyed the hand now on the floor. “Father…”
Bakugo took up a fighting stance, his grin even wider. “That’s how it is, you damn scum of a league! Just so you know, I’m still allowed to fight!”
“You know exactly what your position is, huh? What a smart boy!” Magne almost sounded impressed. 
Dabi, on the other hand, was the opposite. He looked bored and slightly annoyed. “No, he’s an idiot.”
Toga clapped her hands together. “I’ll stick you!”
“Even if he wasn’t going to join us, he should have pretended we were winning him over… he’s done it now,” Compress mused. You agreed—that would’ve been the smart thing to do.
“I won’t do something I don’t want to even if I’m only faking it. And I don’t wanna be in an annoying place like this for very long.”
“We aren’t annoying,” you snapped at him. “If anything, you are, ya damn brat. Talk at a normal volume, will you?” Dabi elbowed you again to get you to quiet down.
Shigaraki’s hand twitched. “Father…”
“Don’t, Shigaraki Tomura! Calm down!” Kurogiri said frantically, readying to stop him from attacking Bakugo.
Instead of fighting, he held his arm out. “Don’t touch him, any of you.” Shigaraki picked up Father from the floor. “This guy…” he began as he placed the hand back onto his face, “...is a valuable piece. I wish you would’ve listened to me a little. I thought we could come to an understanding.”
“Come to an understanding? No way!”
“Then I have no choice. The heroes said they’re continuing their investigation of us. We don’t have time to talk leisurely.” Shigaraki turned towards the T.V.. “Sensei—lend me your power.”
“Sensei? You’re not the boss around here? That’s not funny!” Bakugo hissed.
“Kurogiri, Compress, make him go to sleep again.”
Compress sighed as he moved towards the boy, “I can’t believe he’s such a bad listener. I’m almost impressed.”
“If you want me to listen to you, then get on your knees and die!”
Before Compress could activate his Quirk, there was a knock at the door. “Hello, this is Pizza-la, Camino store.” A beat passed, before the wall Spinner was leaning against burst and heroes swarmed.
“Smash!”
“Kurogiri, gate!” Shigaraki shouted. 
“Pre-emptive binding—” Wooden vines wrapped around the League members, preventing Kurogiri from activating his Quirk, “—Lacquered Chain Prison!”
You yelped in pain as the vines restricted around you, aggravating your arthritis. Dabi snarled at that, flames lighting up on him. “Watch what you’re doing, hero!” Before he could do anything, another hero kicked him in the head, knocking him out.
“Dabi!” You panicked, thrashing around. “Shit, Dabi—”
“—don’t be impatient. It’d be in your best interests to stay put.”
All Might glared at the League, ignoring their protests and discomfort. “You can’t run anymore, League of Villains! Why? Because we are here!” He then stood and turned to Bakugo. “I’m sure you were scared… you did good bearing it. I’m sorry. It’s fine now, young man!”
You zoned out after that, your focus solely on Dabi’s wellbeing. It wasn’t until Shigaraki began to get up that you snapped back to reality.
“—justice, peace… I’ll destroy this garbage heap that you put a lid on with such vague ideas! It was for that purpose that I set All Might apart and started gathering people to my cause! Don’t be ridiculous. This is the beginning… Kurogiri—!” He began, but stopped his order as something pierced through Kurogiri, causing the warp-gate user to slump over.
“No, stop! I couldn’t see anything! What, did you kill him?!” Magne shrieked, shaking her head around. 
The “something” that pierced Kurogiri moved in front of her. “I played around with his insides and made him unconscious. He is not dead.”
“Fucker, you could’ve hurt him!” You shouted. “You don’t just play around inside of people, you freak!” The hero ignored you, only proving to further your anger.
The old man that knocked Dabi out spoke, “Didn’t I tell you earlier that it’d be in your best interests to stay put? Hikiishi Kenji, Sako Atushiro, Iguchi Shuichi, Toga Himiko, Bubaigawara Jin, L/N Y/N. With little information and time, the police officers worked through the night to determine your true identities. Do you understand? There’s nowhere left for you to run.
“Hey Shigaraki, can I ask you where your boss is?” The old man finished. 
You rolled your eyes. Always running their mouths, always grandstanding… I hate heroes. 
When All Might questioned Shigaraki, he began to spiral. You itched to reach out and comfort him before he went too far. Nausea built up in your throat.
Black pools popped up all around the bar, and Nomus began to spill out—sending the heroes into a panic. When one of the pools erupted from Bakugo’s mouth, All Might rushed to grab him, but wasn’t fast enough and shouted in frustration when he disappeared.
You realised the nausea wasn’t from your anxiety as soon as you, and the rest of the League, started to gag up the strange substance as well. It swirled around each of the members, and you all disappeared as well. 
You had teleported to a destroyed section of a building, with Boo and Nugget appearing as well. You tucked Nugget into your shirt and Boo under your arm, then scrambled to Dabi’s side. “Dabi, Dabi, wake up, please!” Your voice was strained from panic and the pain caused from the hero’s binding having been too tight. You registered that All Might had arrived, and that Shigaraki’s Sensei was preparing to fight him, but ignored everything around you—until red vines shot out from his fingers and into Kurogiri, waking him back up. 
“Kurogiri, get everyone away from here.”
Magne rushed forward. “Hey, wait! He was defeated and is now unconscious! I’m not sure what’s going on, but if you can use Warp, then you should get us away!”
“I just got mine, Magne. On top of only being able to transport short distances, unlike his coordinate transport, I can only bring people to or away from me. I can only send them away to someone I am very familiar with. So I’ll have Kurogiri do it. Forced Quirk Activation!” The mist covering Kurogiri exploded into a warp gate. “Now go!”
“What about you…?” Shigaraki protested.
“Think constantly, Tomura,” All For One said as he rose into the air. “You still have much more room to grow.”
“Sensei!” 
“Shigaraki, we need to leave,” you begged, biting back a groan of pain as you stood. You held on tighter to Boo to make sure she wouldn’t wiggle away.
Compress agreed as he used his Quirk to shrink Dabi. “While All Might is being held back, get your piece! Y/N, you need to go—you can’t fight, and that guy’s vines hurt you. Take Dabi and get through the gate. Do you need help moving?” He pressed the blue marble into your free hand.
You shook your head. “No, I can manage. Thank you, Compress.” You smiled, though it was more of a grimace. “Make sure everyone gets out safely, please.” 
With Boo, Nugget and Dabi safely on you, you stumbled through the warp gate, leaving the sound of fighting behind.
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kharmii · 2 years
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I like a trainwreck shipping scenario where Volo is actually using Emmet for his evil plans, follows through on it, BUT still very much goes out of his way to keep Emmet out of (physical) harm.
It's done largely by imprisoning him, but Volo doesn't have the healthiest mind set on the best of days and that's unlikely to change now.
No idea how it could end. Just love the idea of Emmet asking Volo if he never felt anything for him. Volo noticeably hesitates, glances at a trapped Emmet, and walks away.
Happy ending, sad ending, tragic ending, mixed ending, etc. I don't care just gimme the aaaaangst.
I like the idea of manipulative switch Volo. He worms his way into Emmet's life at the urging of Giratina, whom Volo believes is going to help him with his cockamamie bs plan to remake the world. (Side note: The 'Giratina's Puppet' head canon is the only thing that makes sense to me for why they'd even interact). Poor, naive Emmet is distracted by this amazing person who wants to bang him nonstop with the added bonus that Giratina is promising to help him find Ingo. Volo isn't going to tell Emmet about his plan to hit the reset button on the world yet because he might think it's too stupid.
Where would he be imprisoned? At home? In the distortion world? When Emmet asks if Volo ever felt anything for him, Volo would hesitate and say, "I hardly know if I'm looking at you or Giratina these days...but yeah, we are going to be one big happy family. In fact, if my plan goes south, and the world gets destroyed but not remade, it's just going to be us: Giratina and two insane guys."
(That reminds me of what I should call my AU...something like Three himbos and Giratina AU)
I've said it before, but I've always liked the idea of Volo who could snap Emmet like a twig, but he allows Emmet to be violent with him out of perverse excitement. Make no mistake though..he could work Emmet as well as Giratina (but in a much more fun way).
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Art Credit to: 時雨@sigure619 -and-
SandySXZ (Taking it Slow Atm)@SxzSandy Twitter.
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kiryoutann · 1 year
Note
HIII RYOU💞 how are you my dear?
i just read chapter 22 and WOW lumine is so adorable, she deserves a super happy ending🥺
You’re not even half, as pretty, and it’s killing you.
You're a dream, and she's not even half as pretty.
THE PARALLELS!!!!! they are both so beautiful and amazing i want to punch childe for making both of them feel this way :( im really feeling so sorry for lumine, i think under different circumstances she and yn would be good friends🥺
"Childe was the one who once drew stars around your scars, however, now he is also the one who carved a new one on you—the deepest one." THE REFERENCE!!! we are having taylor swift and pain for the breakfast (and i love it)
ryou i have a question, after the end of between kisses you intend to write extra chapters, right? is there any chance that one of these extras is a different version of what happened from chapter 17 onwards? like, lumine actually getting pregnant🤠 i confess that, even though this chapter made my heart bleed, i was curious to know the course of things where childe and yn would really have to divorce (and see him noticing his feelings too late because 🤩ANGST🤩)
im really praying for the ending to be happy, but im not going to lie, i would love a little more angst hehe you got me addicted to suffering ryou!!!
anywayyyy, THANK YOU FOR ANOTHER AMAZING CHAPTER💞 hope u have an amazing weekend🥰
— 🦄
ps: im anxious and scared for the next chapter with ZHONGLI AAAAANGST!!!! my tissues are already ready but my heart is not😨
HELLO!
i've been bad :( i got triggered over smth and ended up spending my week depressed TT_TT but now i'm feeling a bit better and still trying. hope you're doing well, 🦄!!
AHHHHH YOU NOTICED IT AGAIN! they're literally complimenting each other. i might make y/n and lumine as the endgame-
OKAY WELL, i wrote the chapter while listening to 'cardigan' (tiktok ver) so i GOTTA put that there. i'm obsessed with that song and THAT line. UGHHHHH so magical so bittersweet.
the extra chapters will be things that'll happen after the epilogue. so it won't be a different versions of (a) chapter or anything! I PROMISED NOT TO WRITE MORE ANGST AFTER THE EPILOGUE IM SORRY BB (╥﹏╥)(WELL, AT LEAST IN THIS FIC)
i can't blame u tho, angst is also one of my favorite thing in a fic lol
HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT WEEK<3 take care and stay healthy!!
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taikanyohou · 2 years
Note
*KP Book SPOILERS*
Vegas is still under the thumb of Korn. He works on the businesses he just doesn’t have his title or own the minor family business. Those assets were seized. Korn leaves the minor family house to him but he doesn’t want it so they live somewhere else. However, he does still have his own private business that Korn doesn’t know about. Also Pete wants them to get out of the mafia.
*season 2 Speculation*
In the show Vegas says he has nothing left (his title, power and money) but Korn does say he is gonna take care of him and Macau. So I suspect they will follow a similar storyline. Except Pete Vegas and Macau will live in the minor family house so Korn can keep tabs on them. Porsche and Vegas will work together running the minor family business and also to take down Korn. Kinn/Pete will not know about what vegasporsche are doing until later on and that will test their loyalty for the major family and their lovers.
hiiii anon!!!!
ehhhhhhh i mean. yeah okay, i guess. that makes sense. but .... my idea of them going back to the safehouse just. sounds so much more ..... juicy. its about the aaaaangst 😔😔😔😔😔. but yeah, show wise ig that does make sense.
but .... 😔😔 .... still. safehouse! vegaspete in s2 will always be my one true "but what if".
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shina913 · 2 years
Note
hi shinaaa!! i just finishe coquet and oh my god????? this was seriously amazing! i remember watching the wedding date myself when i was writing my fic ‘unexpected lovers’ but ahhh seriously jungkook as an escort? i didn’t know i needed that till now.
i loved the humor you had in the series. mindi and jimin are for sure my favorites because they’re so full of life and carry such a big heart. i’ve always found them super entertaining along the way and wow i swear i had some assumptions while reading it… 1) being that jennie definitely did SOMETHING cause she acted sooo weird in the bar on her bachelorette party when y/n brought in haru… ugh i almost choked reading the part of y/n and taehyung’s dad collapsing… seriously i was in shock over jungkook i thought for a good minute he did too much research on his part to play his role but turns out it wasn’t like that…. 🙄🙄🙄 i was stupid for a good solid minute for thinking that lmfaoooo.
the aaaaangst HIT HOME. like it was so raw and just happened so fast which you did so well! i loved the tempo because it shows that chaos can literally erupt incredibly fast once someone breaks the ice…
the buildup between jungkook and y/n slowly becoming more open to each other and feeling just incredible comfortable was so heartwarming to read… god the smut 😩😩😩😩😩 he’s so down bad for her and i just cannot process.
overall i loved this series, everyone was super mature and talked things out and handled it just so well, and the fact that jungkook and y/n at last started dating slowly again but took their time really shows how much they care for another and that they don’t want to mess up anything. ugh they’re so in love i’m gonna fucking run into the sun.
shina i loved it. your writing amazes me and your dialogue feels so natural! thank you for bringing coquet to life!! hope you have a wonderful day/night.
(i’ll be reading more of your work ;) 🥰🥰🥰🥰)
Hi Lati!!
Wow! Thank you so much for this note! This is going to be a long response so I’m adding a cut below 😅
Thank you for finding some of the elements funny 😆 I have the weirdest and most awkward sense of humor so I will take this compliment and cherish it!!! Jimin and Mindi--ahh 😌 They're my comfort characters! I love a good sibling/cousin dynamic because I'm personally very close to my sister and my cousins as well. The sassiness on Jimin was also something I wanted to keep playing up. Truth be told, this was not supposed to be a maknae-centric fic but...I happened to see several Jimin edits while I was writing Ch.2 and...I thought, why not? And I do not regret it!
I was definitely laying the foundation on that Jennie 'twist' early on. That was one of the elements from the movie that I wanted to change--I didn't want OC and Jennie to be sisters. Just the whole betrayal in the end did not sit well with me (even though I love the movie, regardless)! So I decided to make OC and Tae be step-siblings instead and have Tae actually find out about Jennie and Haru instead of being kept in the dark like in the original (another thing that did not sit well with me)!
Bahah! The JK-twist was very crack-fic 🤣  I probably laughed about it with my sister for a good 10mins when I was pitching the idea.
And yes--the whole confrontation and the blowup in the end? Oof... I got some mixed reactions then but as you said, in the heat of the moment, everything and all things coming at you at once--and you're backed into a corner? You lash out at the first person who's in the same space with you. It's unfortunate and not a valid excuse but it's also a very human reaction.
But it all worked out! They took the mature approach and talked things through. It was rocky at first but they figured out what worked for them so they could build a solid relationship. They really are down bad for each other 😏 I personally like flipping the tables around, especially if there's a good opportunity for it. And JK ending up begging for it was just...🤌🏼✨ it just made it hotter, IMO!
Don't run into the sun, babe!!! 🤣 But for real, I love these two so much!!! I'm glad you enjoyed their story as much as I loved writing about them.
Thank you so much for reading and screaming about it!!! I really appreciate the feedback 🥰
PS - I just started reading "Unexpected Lovers" but got interrupted by work 🥲 I'll continue tomorrow but I'm very intrigued 👀
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stonedregulus · 3 years
Note
Hey bestie! Do you have some fic recs? <3
YES! ugh i love these asks, i read an obnoxious amount of fan fiction 😅
1) some put their faith in stars
rating: T wolfstar
one shot i just found today thanks to @confusedmoony 😉 ANGST but happy ending (complete)
2) distraction
rating: E jily
this fic is EVERYTHING. friends with benefits turned into the jily we know and love. aaaaangst and smuttttt and some fluffy fluff❤️ @magic-girl-in-a-muggle-world is a genius! (incomplete)
3) hard feelings
rating: G wolfstar & jegulus
au where sirius brings regulus with him when he runs away from grimmauld place ☺️ (incomplete)
4) midnight rendezvous
rating: M wolfstar (background jegulus & dorlene)
modern AU… allllllright look i really like this story like a fucking lot…. but please make sure you read the trigger warnings, friends. there is a lot of mental health stuff in this one. lots of angst, some smut? (incomplete)
5) sweater weather
rating: E wolfstar
i always assume everyone has heard of this fic but i really shouldn’t. modern au, sirius is an NHL player and remus is the team’s PT. fluffy, angsty, and smutty! my favorite type of fic (obviously if you look at my previous fic recs) lol (complete. series incomplete.)
6) get off your phone
rating: M wolfstar (background jily & dorlene)
modern au texting fic - I LOVE IT it’s cute and pain 😊 (incomplete)
7) the disastrous recipe to the perfect date
rating: G dorlene
CUTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE one shot (complete)
8) liebestraum
rating: E wolfstar
another one that i assume everyone knows about. remus is a concert pianist. i’m not giving you anything else, i don’t want to ruin it. 😏 i actually avoided reading this for a while because i really didn’t think i would like it… I WAS FUCKING WRONGGGGGG! it’s amazing lots of angst, it’s funny and fluffy and there’s smut so i mean it’s a yes. (complete)
if you want more wolfstar fic recs look here.
if you want more jegulus fic recs look here.
if you have jily or dorlene fic recs please tell me because i need them.
thanks for the ask bestie! ❤️
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makeste · 3 years
Text
BnHA Chapter 300: Days of Our Todorokis
Previously on BnHA: Hawks was all “hey Jeanist, wanna go on a road trip with me to my mom’s house?” Jeanist was all “you know it,” and so they hopped into Jeanist’s jercedes and took off. Hawks took a nap and had a flashback to his Dickensian childhood living in a abject poverty with his jerk mom and jerk dad, thinking heroes were make-believe until one day Endeavor arrested his dad and Baby Hawks was all “OH SHIT.” And then he saved a bunch of people, and the HPSC was all “what do we have here,” and blah blah blah, you know the rest. Back in the present, Hawks was all “well my life is currently in shambles, but on the plus side there’s no one bossing me around anymore so that’s pretty cool,” and then decided he was going to talk to Endeavor. Fandom was all “I can’t believe Hawks would side with his childhood hero over the man who burned his wings off and posted a video calling him a violent murderer who took after his abusive dad,” so that was fun and stuff. I can’t wait to see what piping fresh takes this new chapter will bring.
Today on BnHA: Our old friend Carbonation Carl tries to loot a Starbucks and gets his ass kicked by a senior citizen. Society is all “YEAH, WE’RE REALLY STARTING TO GET SICK OF THIS SHIT.” Old Man Samurai is all “this room won’t stop me because I can’t read it” and abruptly decides to retire, which, fun fact, is literally THE LEAST HELPFUL THING ANYONE HAS EVER DONE. Anyway so then a bunch of other punkasses follow suit, and while I won’t say that I’m actually starting to root for Stain to kill some peeps, just for the record I’m not not saying that either. Back in the hospital, Endeavor cries some tears because his life sucks, and then is confronted by his entire family, LED BY QUEEN REI, FIRST OF HER NAME, BACK IN BUSINESS AND LARGE AND IN CHARGE. Rei is all “fuck feeling sorry for yourself, we have a rogue Murder Son on the loose” and I swear to god I have never felt so alive.
so here we go! and just for the record, even though the last two chapters have been phenomenal, I don’t necessarily have any sky-high expectations for chapter 300, mostly because chapters 100 and 200 consisted of Mei Boobs, and Toadette and her horrific quirk lmao. so go ahead Horikoshi, what are you gonna pull out of your hat for this one
oh, back to this stuff again. sob
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I guess there was only so much time we could spend having hospital antics and exploring Hawks’s past before we got back to dealing with the whole “the world has gone to absolute shit” issue huh, lol
omg
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what’s with these bizarrely cute Noumus. why do I want to pet them
so the narrative text is going on about how people have been super paranoid about the Noumu ever since the USJ incident a year ago. so yeah, I guess the fact that there are now a bunch of them confirmed to be running around is really freaking people out even on top of everything else
wtf is happening here
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what did this poor lil glass ever do to anyone. r.i.p.
OH MY FUCKING GOD
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SODA SAM IS BACK ON THE LAM
tsk tsk tsk. my man has graduated from snatching purses to raiding cafes. going after that big money. this man has no business sense whatsoever lmao
OH BUT WATCH IT NOW!!
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OH SNAP THE PEOPLE ARE FIGHTING BACK. WHATCHA GONNA DO NOW SAM
THIS MAN IS 172 YEARS OLD AND HE’S NOT HERE TO PLAY GAMES!!
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WTF IS HE LIGHTING THIS THING ON FIRE OR SOME SHIT. GETTEM GRANDPA YEAHHHH HE’S CHARGING AT EM YEAHHHHHH
lmao so that was fun. and now we’re cutting to Wash!! omg. look at him
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he’s so dedicated. too bad you don’t have a car like Best Jeanist. probably takes a while when you’re just running everywhere
you see?? you were too slow!!
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NOOOO, GRANDPA. he defeated Pepsi Pete, but lost his life in the process. this is too tragic
anyway so the good news is that the cafe has been saved! but the bad news is, there really isn’t much of a cafe left. huh. I guess that’s one of the reasons why people are supposed to get a license to use their quirks like this
oh snap and now everyone is coming outside, and they’re none too happy to see poor old Wash over here
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seriously Wash, get a bicycle or something. also the way this guy is gesturing so dramatically with his hand in this sort of “YOU SEE!! YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS!!” manner is sending me
OH MY GOD
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HE SPEAKS. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS. IT MEANS JEANS PUNS ARE YESTERDAY’S NEWS, FOLKS!! MAKE WAY FOR THE LAUNDRY PUNS. CAN’T WAIT TO WATCH THIS ALL... UNFOLD
“the heroes had dwindled away” okay real talk you guys, it is literally only a matter of time before they press-gang the children into picking up their slack. I still don’t know how to feel about that, but it is happening one way or the other regardless. Child Soldiers 2 Electric Boogaloo. wonder if we’ll see a rise in vigilante action as well
OHO WHAT’S THIS? THIS IS A CHAPTER OF GRANDPAS HUH
-- no fucking way
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WOW. WOW. WOWWWWWW
wow. so he didn’t do a fucking thing while the rest of the top ten were being turned into red mist in the previous arc, and now that it’s all over and they need his help more than ever, he decides... THAT IT’S TIME TO RETIRE. holy shit. “fuck you” doesn’t even begin to cover it my guy. you stand there and soak up those boos you coward
ohhhhhhh shiiiiit you guys. oh shit
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the “I am not here” breaks my fucking heart for real though y’all. oh man. everything he worked for is gone just like that
(ETA: okay so a couple of the takes I’ve seen on this make it seem like All Might is somehow the bad guy here?? “this is what happens when society puts a bunch of glorified cops on a pedestal”, “finally the cracks in hero society are showing”, etc. etc. so, just a friendly reminder that this isn’t happening because of too much trust and a lack of critical thinking; this is happening because the villains killed all the heroes and broke a bunch of murderers out of jail. it’s happening because an organized league of terrorists succeeded in terrorizing, and so society is now understandably awash in fear and panic. like, it’s just wild to me that AFO is RIGHT FUCKING THERE, and yet week after week fandom still has their “IT’S ALL THE HEROES’ FAULT” signs still up on their lawns. BUT WHATEVER, MOVING ON.)
also though, so exactly how much time is passing here now? I wanted to go straight back to the hospital and see what happens with Deku and the Todorokis. please don’t tell me we’re jumping ahead sob. my aaaaangst
OH SHIT
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STAIN. LISTEN UP BUDDY. I KNOW WE’VE HAD OUR DIFFERENCES, AND I STILL DESPISE YOU FOR CRIPPLING TENSEI AND TRYING TO KILL MY BEST BOY TENYA. BUT AS IT HAPPENS, THERE ARE ONE OR TWO OTHER HEROES OUT THERE NOW WHO I WOULDN’T MIND YOU PAYING A VISIT I’M JUST SAYING
LOL BUT IT ACTUALLY ISN’T THIS MAN, FFFFFF
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sob. yeah I was talking about Old Man Samurai actually but YEAH. HEY THERE ENJI
also is this entire hospital actually run by characters from Super Mario Bros though. first Yoshi and now this guy, come the fuck on that is not a coincidence
lmao they stuck him in another one of these cavernous creepy hospital rooms
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wtf is it with Horikoshi and these giant fucking rooms lately. Kacchan’s in chapter 298, then Tomie’s colossal house furnished with like one table and a TV, and now this. and the weirdest thing about it though is that “huge space with nothing to fill it up” is like the exact opposite of what you’ll usually find in Japanese homes lol
so now Enji is just sitting there thinking things like “my head is fuzzy” and “I’m alive” lmao okay. not quite all there yet, huh. I’ll give you a minute
I’m so fucking curious as to who his first visitor is going to be omg. either way it’s going to be interesting af, and either way fandom is probably going to feel some way about it but OH WELL
okay now his thoughts are getting more coherent! and he’s remembering Touya, and feeling regret for freezing up and forcing Shouto to deal with everything instead
!!! OH HERE GOES BRACE YOURSELVES Y’ALL IT’S ABOUT TO GET SPICY
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NO TOUYA PLEASE DON’T CRY HONEY NO PLEASE
ohhhhhhh man
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okay, I mean I didn’t expect you to, but so instead then you’re just going to do... what? lie there and wallow in regret and self-pity for the rest of your life? son you know that’s not how we deal with our problems here in Shounen
though also, I totally do get it though. honestly, thinking on it, I probably would have been disappointed with any other response. but so this is where the rest of his family (including his adopted son) come into play now though, because like it or not they’re all in this thing together. and so friends, I am once again asking you WHO IS GOING TO BE THE ONE TO VISIT ENJI FIRST
AHHHHHHH
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KRANCH!!!! OMG AND THE OTHERS ARE SO TINY NEXT TO HIM THAT I ALMOST DIDN’T SEE THEM AT FIRST. IT’S BECAUSE THEY’RE TWENTY MILES AWAY ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THIS REGULATION HOCKEY RINK OF A ROOM
holy shit I’m so excited lkjlklhlglkasdsjldfk
SDKFJLSKHLKJL
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the way she has him by his collar lmaoooo. “lol nah you’re not going anywhere pal.” damn straight, siblings have to be ride or die in situations like this. banding together for survival. strength in numbers
OH MY STARS I’M JUST WARNING YOU NOW THAT I’M ABOUT TO DISSECT EVERY LAST REMAINING PANEL OF THIS CHAPTER PROBABLY YOU GUYS. WE COULD BE HERE A WHILE
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love how Fuyu has absolutely no idea how to segue into THE SINGLE MOST AWKWARD CONVERSATION SHE’S EVER HAD, so she just GOES FOR IT in pure small talk mode like they’re meeting up for brunch somewhere
I KNOW IT’S A SMALL THING, BUT I APPRECIATE THAT THE FIRST THING ENJI ASKS IS WHETHER THEY’RE OKAY
lastly while I can’t wait for more of this delicious Natsu angst, I also just have to say that Enji has as much reason to cry right now as anyone on the planet. you can’t deny that being confronted by your not-dead-but-you-thought-he-was-dead son who’s all “SURPRISE DAD I GREW UP TO BE A MASS MURDERER AND I HATE YOU AND EVERYTHING IS ALL YOUR FAULT AND NOW I’M GONNA MAIM YOUR OTHER KID” with a side order of “EVERYONE HATES YOU AND SOCIETY IS CRUMBLING AND NOTHING WILL EVER BE GOOD EVER AGAIN” is enough to bum pretty much anyone out. there’s a Pagliacci the Clown joke here somewhere. BUT DOCTOR, I AM THE NUMBER ONE HERO
oh man lol he is seriously falling apart
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damn. like you guys, I’m sorry, go ahead and cancel me, but I do feel compassion for the man. it’s therapeutic for me to see an abuser actually feel remorse and be truly sorry and want to change and want to make it up to his family. and it’s also compelling as fuck to read a narrative about a family that’s trying to grapple with that, because let me tell you straight up, as someone who’s done a version of that song and dance -- it is exhausting. it is a piping hot mess. it’s a gigantic mishmosh of extremely volatile emotions that all somehow all contradict one another. love, hurt, hope, anger, betrayal, resentment, attachment, longing. it’s something you can both be desperate for and also want nothing at all to do with. and attempting to portray all of that and write about it is a monumental task, and one which Horikoshi has done so, so delicately thus far, and damn but I appreciate it. anyway, so I’m here and I’m ready for my latest helping of Todoroki Fam Feels you guys
GASP
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oh man. OHMANOHMANOHMAN. CAN IT REALLY BE. IS THIS THE REDEMPTION ARC OF CHAPTERS 100 AND 200???
LMAO SHE’S ALL “WE ALL FEEL BAD YOU JACKASS STOP CRYING ABOUT IT”
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LAY INTO HIM REI!! SORRY ENJI YOUR PITY PARTY HAS BEEN CANCELLED IN FAVOR OF A “SO WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT” PARTY COURTESY OF QUEEN ELSA OVER HERE. THE PEOPLE TOOK A VOTE AND WE WANT LESS WHINING AND MORE ACTION
oh my god look at this lady folks
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NOTE THE HAIR BLOWING IN THE NONEXISTENT WIND. NOW WE KNOW WHERE SHOUTO GOT THIS POWER FROM
(ETA: btw guys, seeing Rei handle this crisis like an absolute champ despite everything she’s been through is everything, though. I’m reminded of Hawks’s line last week about people sometimes unexpectedly finding liberation when they’re backed into a corner. like things may be shit but goddammit her kiddos need her.)
THE CHAPTER IS ALREADY ENDING SOB, IT’S ONLY A 17-PAGER THIS WEEK, BUT GODDAMN WHAT A WAY TO CLOSE
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oh my god. oh my god oh my god. AND FUCK YOU HORIKOSHI FOR CUTTING IT OFF THERE sob. it’s like each week the wait for the next chapter becomes more painful. the Todofam is about to get real, and on top of that Hawks is gonna crash the party at some point down the line, and on top of that we’re still waiting for Kacchan to have his own heartfelt discussion about What The Fuck Are We Supposed To Do Next with his best friend who’s currently in a coma. all I want to do with my life is read about these three things, and all I can do is simply wait as they are portioned out in agonizing, addicting little installments every week
anyway! tune in next time as we answer the question of whether or not fandom will finally run its train of logic all the way through to its natural conclusion and somehow manage to cancel Noted Abuse Apologist Todoroki Fucking Rei. don’t act like it can’t happen. you all know nothing is sacred lol. anyways but I’m ready for anything lol, bring it
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yeoldontknow · 3 years
Text
დ content tag game დ
tagged by the loveliest angel @augustbutwinter to do this fun tag. thank you so much my love! 
1. what fandoms have you written for (but do not currently)?  - harry potter, muse, merlin, supernatural, doctor who, sherlock
2. what fandoms are you currently writing for? - kpop only
3. how long have you been writing? on this blog?  - my first actual fanfic would have been when i was about 8? it was for sailor moon but it was literally only in a journal i had. i presume that counts. so that would put us at 24 years lmao - on this blog specifically, since april 2017
4. on which platforms do you post your stories?  - here and AO3
5. what is your favourite genre to write? - aaaaangst lmao and horror/suspense. i love really dark things, and have always had a fascination in writing things that disturb me? i think its from an analytical or psychological perspective, exploring the limits of humanity and processing for myself why these things make me uncomfortable/where i feel them on my body/what is fear vs disgust idk. also very much enjoy fantasy/supernatural. 
6. are you a pantser or a planner? - almost always i have a plan, however there are some fics that come out of nowhere and i just have to write them. examples of this are enough and love; always
7. one shot or multi-chapter? - i usually try very hard to keep things as a one shot, and reserve series for things that actually have substance enough to extend past 3 chapters. lately, all my ideas have been very plot heavy or come from worlds i am very interested in exploring and/or have aspects of emotion i want to work through. if i cant keep it to a one shot (like...under 30k) i will make it a series and ill be angry at myself lmao
8. what is the perfect chapter length in your opinion?  - anywhere from 5-9k is a solid, average chapter length for me. some chapters, in hero for example, need to be more than this because theyre the heavy plot chapters. i have been trying not to focus on lengths anymore, just want to write until the story is told
9. what is your longest published story? is it complete?  - the longest story ive ever written is 154k in a different fandom and yes its complete. at the moment, hero is breaching 98k and i imagine it will be my longest when its completed
10. which story did you enjoy working on the most?  - when it comes to series, hero and time runner will, and always will be, the most special things ive ever done. i feel at home and myself when im writing them. im in love with writing them. the ideas are so strong, and the characters are so loud and clearly defined it just is the best time making art ive ever had. - for one shots, light sakura was truly catharsis. i needed to write that. its the most personal, vulnerable thing ive ever written and will probably never produce something like that again unless theres another major event in my life. also absolutely adored writing molotov cocktail and empty vessels. those are both the easiest 30k ive ever produced
11. favourite request you’ve have written and why (if any?)  - brooklyn is burning was technically a request and im extremely partial to it
12. are there reoccurring themes in your stories?  - oh yeah. usually my female characters are working through bad relationships or finding their voices, seeking identity and power in worlds that dont necessarily provide that. i write what i feel and what ive lived, the worlds around the characters are just exaggerations of reality and my imagination. theres always a little piece of me in my stories, and usually that piece comes down to them learning to trust which is something i struggle with
13. current number of wips?  - please i cannot share this number, not when im ashamed of the amount lmao
14. three things you have noticed about your own writing? 1. smut is insanely hard for me 2. fluff is almost impossible, and could be considered my weakness. happiness is an external feeling, an outward experience. im a very bodied writer and finding joy or finding small bits of romance is difficult (largely because i live alone) so i will over explain aspects of the idol character or highlight small actions in the effort of holding onto them 3. i am still learning to trust the process
15. a quote you like from a published story.
‘Don’t confuse loyalty with strength,’ you say, as he releases you. You remain still, forehead pressing against the bars to get as close to him as possible. ‘I have no allegiance to you. My silence is not owed to you.’
‘Really?’ he says with disdain. ‘It was given so freely the last two days.’
‘Your ignorance proves you have never truly known a woman,’ you taunt. ‘We are always at war, even if we are silent.’
- from: hero - chapter 3
16. a quote from an unpublished story.
Would it have been easier for you both to survive if you could be a needy, fragile little thing - not ready to die, not ready to leave him on his own?
The night before, Chanyeol held you close, kissed you until your throat felt raw, and made you realize he didn’t want it, didn’t need it. He loved the war in you, handled you like a blade between his fingers, skin unmarred by your sharp edges. He didn’t want it, but you wanted it, at least a little. You wanted him to know there were still traces inside you of the girl you lost.
from: time runner - chapter 7
17. space for you to say something to your readers.
hello beautiful loves. every moment you even click on one of my works an angel gets its wings <3
tagging: @yehet-me-up @kyungseokie @jenmyeons @j-pping @jamaisjoons @yoonia @kithtaehyung @inkedtae @kookdiaries @kookingtae @xiaokoo @sunshinekims @biaswreckingfics @ditzymax @sugaurora @bangtanhome @yeojaa @sahmfanficbts @xjoonchildx @writtenwhalien @jinpanman @cutechim and anyone else who would like to do this <3 as always please only do so if comfy! 
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undertaker1827 · 4 years
Note
Hi, it's me again! :D grell has a human partner who is the mother figure of ciel unfortunately in a case they were investigating they stab her in a vital organ (the rest I leave to your incredible imagination) Grell that day checks the book where it says that the name of the soul he has to be collected (also left your imagination) I hope I expressed good luck with the other requests! sad ending please!
Hello again!! You said unhappy and you sure have got it! Seriously though, this is completely different to what I normally write and if anyone’s feeling at all bad about themselves, please don’t read this. Links to happy Grell stories in my masterlist 😂 Also, male pronouns for Grell as requested and a gender neutral reader.
EDIT; Part Two
❗️Warnings; aaaaangst, all the way through. Very sad. Blood/injury/violence. Death.
Masterlist
-
How. How could this possibly happen? Grell’s mouth was dry, his fingers gripping the dreaded black notebook so hard his knuckles were starting to turn white. This was some sort of mistake, right? Had to be. Because Grell had already been through so much, had barely managed to claw himself back from the edge of despair and had continued doing so through finding you - you couldn’t possibly go now. This was not your time.
-
“So where are we going now?” You were walking next to Ciel through the cobbled streets of London, Sebastian half a step behind. A recent string of murders were proving more trouble than they were worth and all you kept coming across were dead ends. The police force had really tightened their ranks around this case and were not giving the earl any more than the bare minimum of information, despite his position as the Queen’s Guard Dog.
“The authorities aren’t going to help us with this,” Ciel informed you gravely. “They appear to have lost their faith in me and as such are using it as an excuse to not cooperate. There is only one other person I know who will help us with this.” A few minutes later, you were standing in front of an out-of-the-way shop, the sign of which loudly proclaimed ‘Undertaker’. You raised a questioning eyebrow at Ciel, who dismissed your confusion with a light wave of his hand.
Sebastian held open the door for you both to enter and you thanked him as you walked through, ignoring the chill curling up your spine at the creaking of the old hinges. The room was so dark you could hardly see anything, but the earl didn’t seem concerned.
“Undertaker, are you here?” He called, glancing around for the man in question. As it turned out, you would be the one to almost collapse in terror when the coffin propped up on the wall behind you slowly swung open, revealing someone dressed as though he were attending a funeral standing inside it. Your reaction was enough to make him giggle, which Ciel simply tutted at. “We’re here for information about your most recent guests, the police are refusing to hand anything over.” After a good twenty minutes of trying to make him laugh, Sebastian finally succeeded and you were once again on your way, this time with both a lead and destination in mind.
The people you were chasing were a notorious circle of smugglers who excelled at their craft and whose organisation had been doing so for the last century. The people being murdered were those who had tried to escape from the ring, bound only to it by their predecessors’ decisions to join it. The circle dared not let them escape, lest they hand over any information to the authorities and disrupt the entire ongoing operation. Their current storage unit was hidden in an abandoned warehouse at the dodgy end of the Thames, nestled between two disused docks. It was perfect really - they could take a boat by night to pick up and drop off their goods and nobody was any the wiser. Not until now, at least. But your downfall came in not realising they had their own network of eyes and ears.
The warehouse was empty when you got there; no smuggled goods, no people who were smuggling them. Not so much as a scrap of paper to be used as evidence. You had split up to search the main floor, you insisting that Sebastian stayed with and protected Ciel, given that you were something of an old hand at this. Pistol in hand, for precaution’s sake, you carried out your search quickly and efficiently. You found nothing of any interest, until you came across several large stacks of crates. They secluded you from the rest of the warehouse, but you were so intent on finding something to help further the investigation that you didn’t even think about it, certain the whole place was empty. But oh how wrong you were.
In a split second, an entire stack of wooden crates fell forward, more than enough to crush you to death had you been any slower in jumping out of the way. On your hands and knees and breathing heavily from shock, you crawled back to your feet only to let out a strangled whimper of pain. Searing agony was pulsing through your lower back and you were hardly able to look back over your shoulder to see the face of your assailant. The man, dressed all in black with a piece of material covering his face forced the knife further in until you both heard something crack sickeningly. With that, he let go of the hilt and watched you collapse to the ground, body twisted helplessly and incapable of doing anything more than wheeze in pain, desperately trying to fill your lungs with air that didn’t want to come. Your mouth was filling with blood even as you weakly tried to spit it out, your vision starting to distort. You just had to hold on a bit longer, just until Ciel got here and caught the man, no doubt one of the smugglers…
When butler and earl had heard the almighty crash, they glanced towards each other for but a second before they started running towards the source of the noise, Sebastian ahead of Ciel. Ciel was fighting back a nausea that he didn’t want to admit to having at the thought that the noise had come from the direction in which you had gone.
You kept your eyes locked on the man for as long as you could, him doing to the same to you as he watched the damage he had caused slowly consume you. You had never felt so sick in your life. Grell meanwhile, was running as fast as his already inhuman speed could allow him too. He was not going to let you die, no matter what. You were too important, your death would be a loss to this world. To his world. He was not going to allow it.
You watched the man even as he turned tail to run, as he was met by Sebastian’s fist and help off of the ground by his throat. Ciel’s shattered whisper of your name was enough to bring tears to your eyes, should your body have been capable of producing them. Even Sebastian’s eyes were wide. You could imagine the state your back was in, but had you not, the look of horror and guilt rising in the boy’s, no, your boy’s eyes was enough to tell you. The earl couldn’t even put a hand to the wound to stem the blood flow; it was so deep and wide, so cruel, there wasn’t even a discernible area to apply pressure to. It took every ounce of concentration you had left to look up at Ciel, to try and convey through your eyes alone that you loved him, that he would be alright. There were tears in his eyes.
Just as you could feel your mind starting to fade, a shattering of glass managed to grab your attention once more. There was a blur of crimson, lighter than the patches of your own no staining the concrete around you, and a deafening screech as the perfect chain saw, the one Grell was so proud of, was dropped with its chain still whirring to the ground. The reaper’s hands were cupping your cheeks in seconds, wiping away the moisture your eyes had given out and trying to get rid of the rosy red, the red he loved so much on you, from your sickly face. It was hopeless and somewhere deep within his heart he knew it, but he wasn’t giving up yet. Your lips formed Grell’s name once, twice, but you were too weak for your voice to come out.
He was sobbing, teeth bared and face wrenched in agony and Sebastian and Ciel were there but he didn’t care, because it was you, it was his Y/N who was bleeding out before his very eyes and there was nothing he could do. He was a god of death and you were dying and there was nothing he could do. He couldn’t have gotten here any faster, couldn’t have punished his lungs or his legs or his heart any more than he already had and he had only seen that God forsaken To-Die list ten minutes previously, while he was thinking about which restaurant to take you to for this evening’s date night. His hands shook as he remembered the silly teddy bear he’d bought you only yesterday, the plush one holding a heart that had ‘I’ll love you forever’ embroidered on it in gold thread. It had been in his cupboard for a month now because he hadn’t been able to pick the right time to give it to you - he’d wanted it to be perfect.
“I got you a bear,” he choked out, watching the speed of your blinking become ever more lethargic. “It’s holding a heart.” A dry sob, a pale face slick with a stream of tears that wouldn’t stop coming, turning red as they mixed with your blood. “It - it says, ‘I love you’. I love you, Y/N, you know that, right? I-” He couldn’t breathe. His ears were ringing with white noise and the only real sound were your gargled breaths, each one taking less oxygen into your blood than the last. “Don’t go, Y/N,” he whispered out at last, voice coarse and rough but he didn’t care, because this was the last thing he was ever going to be able to say to you. “Please, please don’t go. I can’t.. I don’t know what to do without you. I’m nothing without you. Please Y/N- Y/N? Y/N look at me. Look at me. Sweetheart open your eyes, plea--” A whimper tore itself from the back of his throat as your hand went limp in his. Your chest no longer moved, your laboured breathing ceased; he heard your heart stop beating. That didn’t stop the raw, feral howl of pain the reaper gave as he curled his arms around your body, as he begged you to wake up. It was over. He barely registered the muffled sniffling of the boy crouched next to him, nor the way Sebastian for once held his tongue. One glance towards that wretched death scythe was enough to bring a burning fury to every fibre of his being.
“I will not,” he hissed out, hand subconsciously smoothing down your hair. “Not to you. There is not a being in this world or any other who could make me.” With that he reached into his pocket and drew out the black, leather bound notebook, opened it to random page and ripped it in two clean down the spine. “I will come back for you my darling,” he whispered before standing up, “I swear.” The reaper stooped down to haul his death scythe over his shoulder, allowing the gleaming chrome to get scratched as he dragged it for a moment against the concrete. It was barely a few minutes before he stormed into the office of one William T. Spears.
“Haven’t you ever heard of knocki - oh, Sutcliff, it’s you,” was the bored, uninterested greeting he was given and when he didn’t reply, the other reaper eventually looked up from his paperwork. “I’m listening, Sutcliff, what’s the-” he cut himself off abruptly. It wasn’t the fact that Grell was covered in blood, that was a fairly normal occurrence for those in collections. It wasn’t really even the scratched and bloodied paintwork of the scythe he cared so much about, though that added to the image. It was that Grell’s perfect makeup was flawed beyond repair, that his eyes were puffy and red in a way that only tears which truly hurt can cause, that his hair was tangled and his chartreuse gaze was wild with anger and defiance, fuelled onward by unadulterated agony.
“You monster,” he spat out, “you knew. You knew what they meant to me when you gave me that list, don’t you dare try to deny it. I knew you were cold and calculating, but how could you do this?” Grell was for once talking quietly, albeit with a growling quality, for he knew if he raised his voice now he could never stop. He didn’t give William a chance to respond. “Well do you know what? Enough’s enough. I quit.” Grell dropped the scythe on the desk, denting and splintering the polished hardwood surface and scattering the carefully organised piles of paper. He then picked up the book one last time and with a look of fury William thought even he couldn’t rival, Grell slammed it down on the free section of desk between his hands. As his former class and work mate left his office with tears flowing once again, the management reaper was left staring at a profile page, your smiling face looking past him and into the distance. The ‘uncollected’ stamp was still written next to your name, two drops of dried blood marring your death date.
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Don’t Treat My Love Like a Habit Part Nine
Previous Part | Next Part | Masterlist Pairing: Santiago Garcia x Reader Rating: Mature (this may change) Warnings: Aaaaangst Notes: Set before the movie. Not beta-read. Reina is Spanish for Queen. I hope you lovely people had a lovely week Summary: Things between you and Santiago had been a little… Weird lately. 
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You tried not to be presumptuous at first. When you saw that Pope had left the table, you’d figured, well...Maybe he’d gotten a call from Diego. Or, maybe he’d headed back to the office ahead of you. When you got back to the office, though, there was no one else there. Diego actually reached out to you to find out if Pope was around. You’d told him that he wasn’t at the office, so Diego had thanked you and hung up. Alright. Not with Diego, not at the office… Maybe he was just tired. It had been a long couple of days for him.
You settled in at your desk, ready to comb through the footage that Pope had sent, and desperately trying not to think about the evening that you’d had.
You knew that Santiago tended to get a little protective of you, but the one-ups-manship between him and Alex had almost been interminable. It had stopped just short of Alex saying, “Well I’ve fucked her and you haven’t.” Frankly, you wouldn’t have put it past him to say so, especially considering his proposition that had followed.
You straightened up in your seat, grabbing your headphones and tugging them on to focus in on the footage that had finally fully loaded. You wanted to text Pope, make sure he was alright, but you fought that urge. You were worrying about him needlessly - you always worried about him. -- “Come on, you know I wouldn’t be asking if it wasn’t important.” Things between you and Alex had been the same as they always were, even after you’d turned him down. The two of you were more focused on work than anything else. You’d been able to track down a few leads from the footage that Pope had gotten, intel that you’d passed on to Alex, Diego, and Pope. The four of you had been working on your own ops and leads for the past few days, but now Alex was reaching out to you, asking you to scope out a potential hideaway of Hernandez’s. “You know the area better than I do, Q. I wouldn’t ask if I really didn’t need you.” And maybe it was naïve of you, but you believed him. “Gimme five,” You said, standing and closing your files, adding, “I’ll meet you in the car.” You watched him go before you carried your files over to the wall safe for safe keeping (and then wondered if that was why they called it ‘safe keeping’). You also jotted a quick note down to Santiago about where you’d be. Things between you and Santiago had been a little… Weird lately. He hadn’t been reaching out for the sake of anything other than work. Usually you saw the guy a couple of times a week at the office, and this… This was like nothing you’d ever experienced with him before. It would be easy to pass it off as his being distracted by the op, but part of you knew better than that. You’d told yourself the past couple of nights that maybe he had a new lead, some new informant that was taking up his time. When those ugly little thoughts had crept in, you’d slapped them down in a game of emotional whack-a-mole that had felt more tiring than usual. -- “Park the car here,” You ordered Alex. He glanced behind you guys before he pulled into a space. “Why here?” He asked. “We’re gonna walk the rest of the way. The roads up ahead are really shitty, I’d rather not risk hitting a pothole and fucking up an axel.” “As wise as she is beautiful,” Alex sighed, and you rolled your eyes. “As dramatic as he is stupid,” You retorted before getting out of the car. -- “She lives.” You hadn’t expected Pope to be in the office when you turned up. Maybe that was ignorant of you, but he hadn’t been in all week, and he’d never texted you about your absence from it that day, so you’d assumed that he hadn’t seen your note. “Hey,” You greeted, stepping around to your chair and trying to ignore his dry-as-napkins tone, “How long have you been here?” “Couple’a hours.” You nodded, opening your laptop and waiting for it to load up. You glanced over at Pope’s desk. He was looking something over - you just couldn’t see what it was. You wouldn’t be able to get a good look at it without getting up and leaning over, and that was just a bit too overt. He wasn’t looking at you, either. This was beyond his being focused on his work - he was making it a point not to look at you. Usually if you so much as moved a paperclip on your desk, his eyes instinctively darted to the movement. Now, as you got yourself set up to do the other things you’d meant to get taken care of that day, before you agreed to check out the spot with Alex, Pope’s eyes remained focused on his work. The two of you worked in silence for a little while. You finally asked, “What are you working on?” “Diego asked me to look over a bust recce.”
That had your eyes widening.
“Another one already? You gonna run this one by me first?”
Pope lifted his head from the file.
“You would’ve been briefed, too, if you were here.”
A pang of -- Shame? Guilt? Irritation? They were all jockeying for position but irritation won out -- spread through you, and you narrowed your eyes at him. 
“I wrote on the note to text me if you needed me to come back,” You reminded him.
“Look, I’m already pretty sure I won’t be in on this--”
“Well let me look it over and you can be absolutely sure.”
Santiago’s eyes flickered with warning, a muscle in his jaw twitching. With anyone else, you’d take that as a signal to back down. But Santiago had never been anyone else.
“I’m perfectly capable of examining a recce myself and I’m not spoiling for a fight the way I was the last time Diego brought something to us,” He argued, voice low and measured.
“That may be so, but part of my job here is evaluating the clarity and viability of recommendations for plans, including, but not limited to, busts and heists. Remind me which one of us wrote that job description,” You matched his tone, careful to hold his gaze. This was hardly the first time you and Pope fought; one of you looking away was as good as tapping out.
“Let me do my job,” You added.
Pope shut the file, turning it around and sliding it across your desks.
“Be around to do it,” He snapped.
You gaped at him as he got up, striding out of the office and slamming the door behind himself. Tag list: @justanotherblonde23   ; @revolution-starter​ ; @emurlemur​; @badbitxhbuckybarnes
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