#if he can find something worth trying for at the literal end of book 4 then yk what so can I...I can try

[fierrochase-falafel]

Reasons I love Xie Lian's character

Maybe this is more of a personal post, but I really appreciate Xie Lian's characterisation and his character arc because of his humanity. He's grown up being seen as special and different, and he really was special and different, and yet is shown at his lowest, falling all the way down from his position to rockbottom and he STILL makes it out alive. Not even alive by choice, but he makes it out nonetheless. And everyday he has to make the choice to see the good in humanity, after having been exposed to the worst human responses and knowing the extent of the damage he and others can do under certain circumstances. Even when he seemed perfect, he never was, and when he seemed despicable, he wasn't that either. He's jaded but not inconsiderate, angry but not vengeful or brash, guilty but slowly learning to love himself. He has the potential to be the most fearsome calamity or the most powerful god, but he decides to spend his time in a little shrine he built himself with his ghost king boyfriend. He can be cold, he can be cunning, he can be naive, he can be reckless, he can be clumsy and he can be stubborn. He can have so many flaws that may go under the radar, so many virtues that go unappreciated by the people around him. He can be the kindest or most scary person you would ever meet, and the only thing stopping him from being the latter is his will to choose to be kind. He is complicated, like a walking oxymoron. And he is traumatised, and he is repressed, and he is trying- he is still trying after everything. He is one of the most human characters I have read despite being an immortal, and gives you the hope that in the face of everything in all its complexity, our choices matter and we as people matter too, no matter how awful our position may be. Maybe the compassion of even 1 other person we meet could be the thing that saves us after all, and maybe no matter what, we're never too far gone.

#xie lian #tgcf #tgcf meta #if you can even call it that #just-- the crux of what I love about what Xie Lian represents as a man who's essentially a paradox yet completely makes sense #and don't even get me started on his internal sarcasm I've already got like 10 posts on that #Xie Lian's complexity feels like a genuine insight into a human being...something often hard to get from talking to people in real life #because he's fictional and all #there's something beautiful about getting to see the best and the worst of him because we accept him as having the capacity for both #hope #nighttime thoughts perhaps #in the face of nihilism I'm out here using Xie Lian as a shield- #if he can find something worth trying for at the literal end of book 4 then yk what so can I...I can try #also see: me when I rewatch the eighth sense and then reflect on what I get out tgcf and t8s #shoutout to the eighth sense and jihyun and jaewon and who they are to each other and also ofc shoutout to kiki #posts originating from my brain

[soapdish290]

The Tower.

Okay. So we have this:

https://twitter.com/SpankMeSilly/status/1570020419150950401?s=20&t=tbQfUWRqmqXO9IXbcWPwBg

We have Ianthe and ‘Kiriona’, described by Ianthe as ‘The Tower Princes’ (Nona, pg 210). I don’t know the significance of this, but we haven’t had John describe things as ‘Tower’ anything before, so it’s definitely SOMETHING. More easily parsable, we have whatever Judith / the 7th RB is talking about on page 393:

“They concoct their own vengeance,” said the Captain. “Their justice is not my justice. Their water is not my water. I came to help. I am made a mockery. The danger is upon you, and you do not even know … they are coming out of their tower, salt thing. There is a hole at the bottom of their tower. I will pull their teeth. I will make it blank for you.”

Harrow also sees this at the end of John 5:4, when she decides she’s heard enough, turns from John (turns from god, both literally and metaphorically), and heads out into the river (there’s more on this tying in to how we leave her after her ‘death’ in Harrow, but that would be it’s own thing and should be rather obvious if you look at all the pieces now):

Before her, the waters parted, speared-through and mute, for the enormous lance of a tower—a tower that had never been there before; a tower that soared, impossible and deadly grey, out of the waters—a tower of grey bricks, lurching out of the River as though gasping for air. An impossible, cone-capped tower—a belled tower; she could see the steeple, but the bell cot was too far from shore to see the bell. “I’ll start there,” she said.

Nona et al also see it, again in the river, and it scares Nona shitless on page 440. This is a long one, I’m sorry:

The tower was so big—as the megatruck approached she began to realise how big, as big and as broad and as tall as any crane or building in the city—stretching higher than their Building at home, even. There was a clear mark where the water reached up it, where the stone was wet black rather than the dry-stone grey above. From inside the megatruck, she could not see how high up it went. For some reason this tower scared Nona’s top and bottom thoughts so terribly that her heart went ker-CHUNK in her chest—there was a terrible pain in her side and all the way down her arm. The pain was good, because she couldn’t think about anything but the pain. The more she thought, the more problems she had. “The hole,” said the Captain, “the hole in the road, the hole, the hole, the hole.”

I don’t know what this tower is. I’m not particularly well read and my memory isn’t worth shit, I’m not catholic, I’ve nothing I can pull from to reference with to try and understand this. If it’s eluded to in previous books, it isn’t done so by name.

I CAN say with some confidence that it’s known to the souls of the planets. The 7th RB is familiar with it, and Nona’s entire body nearly stops working - she has what is described as a fucking cardiac event when she sees it. And, because she’s Nona and she can’t be a useful narrator even once, she refuses to think about it loudly enough to actually answer our questions.

It’s tall. It protrudes far out of the river. (was it once IN the river? Related to the Stoma in some way? I’m going to need to re-read Harrow) And, whatever the fuck it is, it’s REACTIVATED.

Edit: FUCK! I just found something else!

When Nona et al find the tower, Judith says something (pg 440):

“He left them too long—you left them too long, my salt thing.”

And Nona DEFINITELY knows, but won’t let herself think:

There was a thought above and below that knew what it was, but the moment she looked at either thought she’d lose the game.

and whatever it is “scared [her] ...  terribly”.

I think this might be related to the souls that weren’t resurrected. Something has happened - possibly related to the shitshow at the end of Harrow - which has put things into motion. I imagine the Stoma is similar. The ‘otherside of the river’ might be similar. fuck, the entire river might be these souls - we don’t really KNOW enough yet. But I think these are what’ve been left too long. And I don’t think they’re overly sympathetic.

Alecto herself also says something that implies that the river is made of the souls of those John didn’t see fit to resurrect - on page 477 it mentions it !was grieved to find [the river] yet dead.

This also makes me think about something I just made another post about - Nona draws something called a ‘Cradle Creature’ - saying “When first it was born it used to live in a river, but then it got cold so it had to get large.” (pg 251) and the Tower just seems reminiscent of that? This last is a SUPER reach, but ‘he left them too long’ is definitely a sentence that has teeth. Pardon the pun.

#Nona the ninth #nona the ninth spoilers #tlt

[mejcinta]

As someone who joined the hotd fandom recently (its a shitshow lmao), and has read many funny (albeit a bit toxic) discussions, I think it's hilarious that, just like his brother, Lucerys Velaryon (I had to search his name because I don't know their names lmao) is often only mentioned/relevant in the discourse when the topic is about his obvious bastardy, his horrific action of maiming a child (and not being apologetic about it), his accidental death (which, I'm sorry, but the moment his tiny dragon attack a war hardened giant dragon, I knew he was fucked, literally fuck around and find out, this kid), or the need to propped Rhaenyra up for the morality ranking bs. Like, the greens gets so much discussion about their dynamics with each other, as well as their personality, despite having less screen time. But Lucreys, the only gist I could get from both teams is that, he was a bully (but he was a child uwu) then struck a kid with a knife in a 4 vs 1 fight (he was trying to protect his brother uwu), wasn't punish for it, was heir for driftmark, and that's about it. Like, the closest hint of personality I could find was him admitting he wasn't ready to inherit driftmark, and being an awful human by smilling unapologetically towards Aemond but other than that I see nothing? But a plankwood, a literal npc that occasionally says something and has to stand next to Rhaenyra, looking like he shat himself. Like, I could've been more sympathetic towards him but nah my man is boring af and that godawful smile at the dinner scene still pissed me off lmao. LMAO, sorry about this rant but I saw a post claiming that they took Lucberys traits and gave it to Aemond and, say, even in the book, there's no mention of anything about his traits? The show tried their best to give him one but made Luchekrys even more bland and annoying lmao.

Urgh! When will people stop being envious of Aemond?

You see, something I've observed about the writing on Team Black is that it suffers terribly from a case of favoritism.

Yes, you can love something to the point of utterly destroying it!! Just like you can spoil a favorite child to the point of serious illness by giving them too much candy.

The writers WANTED the audience to favor team black, and so ended up making them the most boring, upstanding people in an asoiaf show, WHILE sugar coating and making excuses for every single wrong thing they did!!! There are no evident consequences for their actions (everything bad that happens to them is someone else's fault), but what i find more annoying is you will never find team black characters acknowledging their shortcomings or explaining their actions. THEY JUST DO AS THEY PLEASE, and any inconvenience they face is a plot against them...certainly NOT the fruit of their labors.

None of that shit is realistic. We all know for a fact that people like these in real life are the most insufferable and stuck up pieces of shit to live with!

Team Green benefit from more organic writing. Their flaws are acknowledged, even by themselves. They're imperfect people trying their best to get by, trying to change and failing, forced in a corner that they must fight their way out of and harboring ambitions that they often fail to achieve. They struggle as a family, they fight a lot, but by the end of the day they understand that they need to work as a unit to ensure their survival.

ALL OF THIS IS HUMAN, REALISTIC AND UNIVERSAL. What makes a character compelling is showing their inadequacies, making them acknowledge their inadequacies, making them fail, making them win at a cost, making them fight, making them struggle.

Characters that easily get what they want and whose actions can always be excused are boring, boring, boring.

It is ironic that even with all the excessive vices the writers added on Team Green's plate, they only wound up making them more fascinating and worth talking about.

I really can't say the same about Team Black. Daemon is the only thing happening for them because they let him be controversial, just like the Greens.

Long rant, but you can see why Lucerys comes nowhere near being as interesting or layered as Aemond and the rest of the Greens.

His fans can complain all they want, but the fault ultimately lies with the writers, who diluted these characters in efforts to make them the perfect protagonists.

And I don't think much will change in s2.

#strong audacity #hotd critical #hotd writing

[lakesbian]

Any thoughts on a fitting implement for Blake or Rose? Or for any of the Undersiders?

i will declare right now for my own sake that i shannot discuss the matter of the undersiders as practitioners presently or i will enter an autistic fugue state regarding alec vasil and we will never finish getting through all of the pact questions + resume reading the book. I will continue fermenting my opinions on this matter and return to it at a later date when i have more information to confirm my thoughts.

as for blake: The Stone. no i'm just kidding to make fun of him. it would really be helpful if i had more information on All of the most common implements but i get the gist well enough.

first of all i will state for the record that i do not think blake's aptitude with glamour (as of 3.5) is actually even remotely indicative of his approach to being a practitioner. he's not fucking confident at all with it! glamour is quite literally "fake it til you make it" but magic--if he was intuitively skilled at it, you would expect him to respond to rose's "haha i hope this works or you're fucked!" with "pshh of course it will work," but instead he nervously goes "i hope it works also :(" and then proceeds to sweat bullets the entire time. and despite being constantly paranoid that his glamour is going to be seen through, despite being a complete amateur with it, he gets so into it that it not only holds up largely perfectly but starts seeping into his cracks and emotionally effecting him. as rose put it, It's Not Supposed To Be That Easy. and the fact that it Is despite him...not really being very good at it, i think that indicates more of a weakness he's occasionally able to leverage as an advantage (albeit at intense personal cost) than a genuine talent. that man is getting Corroded. get corroded and subsumed by the violent expectations your family has set for what you were Supposed to be, you fucking nerd.

anyway. as for his actual approach thus far, he's like. hm. as i discussed some during arc 1, he's extremely willing to roll with the punches (& punch back) when he needs to. as much as being humiliated or acting violently upsets him, he can take it And dish it when it's necessary 4 survival. he really really really wants to climb to better circumstances and have a peaceful home and a family comprised of people who are good to him & whom he's good to in return. but ultimately he's extremely familiar with being homeless and beat down and viewed as less worth than dirt, and it's a misery he knows how to force himself through. which is to say his practitioner approach is Miserable Desperate Scrambling by a dude with a Scrambling Degree. he's exceedingly direct so far. he finds out how faeries work and then immediately fights a faerie by literally just telling her how faeries work. he's not, like, utterly lacking in self-preservation during negotiations, but he's pretty direct about attempting to State How Something Is in a convincing manner instead of attempting to mislead people. he responds to finding out that maggie killed his cousin by telling her to fuck right off instead of using her guilt to get a better deal like he could've. etc. ultimate move of Hit You With Pipe or Try To Call The Cops On You (Again) because he simply does not have enough of a knowledge or power base for anything more indirect or clever as of yet. not inherently opposed to trickery per se but thus far he's preferred to feel like all of his actions are some level of morally justifiable, and he's distinctly targeting people who have made the most notable moves against him.

i was sort of hoping that writing all that would make an idea magically pop into my head or brain but it did not. it would be cool if it ended up being a mirror. i can't defend that statement but i think it would be cool! let me see. i think something unique and somewhat decorative in a way that bolsters his personal identity would be fitting, because he stakes a lot on personal identity. he values his body being His to exist in and express himself with, he likes art, he likes having nice new things. i think an implement which bolsters his own sense of self & makes being a practitioner something more comfortable + confident would be a good balance to how thus far it's just sapped him and degraded his identity. something stabilizing, in a way. is that anything. but a talisman doesn't fit, because he Is pretty brash and concerned with the real. something unique and somewhat decorative but with a clear purpose and very direct/blunt application? still struggling for precise objects here, but i think talking abt the Idea behind an implement for him instead of just naming an object is fine.

#ask #pact time #my god that was a lot of words to say not much at all

[averywiseanimatedcat]

Rewatching Good Omens season 2 liveblog

Episode 2, ‘The clue’ post 4

Link to previous post

Starting off strong with

FUCK

OFF

GABRIEL

Step in a puddle with socks on.

*when my boss is watching me work and I don’t know what I’m doing*

Azi and Crowley were such a disaster in this scene, just winging it. But Azi LIED for the first time!! This was so important because we saw him have to make a choice, and he had to do it quickly. So he went with what his true ethnical orientation is-to protect Jobs family. So this part of the flash back is really quite poignant for Azi. It’s the moment he feels like he fell, and was suddenly no longer safe.

Then when we’re back in the bookshop we find out Crowley just left at some point while Azi was staring at that picture? Did he try to get his attention? Does this happen allot? Crowley doesn’t seem at all concerned so I feel like it does happen a fair bit that Azi gets kinda lost in something and Crowley just goes out for a stroll until his Azirphale is ready to talk about whatever it was.

His lil concerned/traumatised face I can’t.

FUCK OFF AND BANG YOUR FUNNY BONE ON THE DOOR AS YOU LEAVE GABRIEL.

I’m sorry that was an automatic reaction. He’s actually kinda cute in this scene with his lil ‘am I bad now?’

‘Gotcha’

GOTCHA. David really killing it with the line delivery this season. I love Nina’s character because she just rolls with it, and Crowleys like ‘oh a human who isn’t completely put off by my weird ass’ and I think that’s why he respects her and listens to her later on when she tells him to talk to Aziraphale. She’s not put off by him even though she literally saw him skull 6 shots of espresso, get hit by lightning and then ask her about rain and the girl who has a crush on her over the road? Like this is the weirdest mother f-er she’s ever met and she’s like ‘ok and what?’ He respects that. We respect Nina in this house.

STOP HIS LITTLE HEAD POPPING OUT. And did he miracle out there? There was the miracle sound when his head popped up. Why is he so cute. And I love how we can see Crowley was just wandering around waiting for Azirphale to come find him, he didn’t go anywhere he just waited for Azirphale to be ready. I just reminded myself of the final episode…shit…

“Oh.” Again. This is like the fifth ‘Oh’ Crowleys done when Aziraphale says something clever this episode it’s fucking cute.

This is apparently the Good Omens book this absolute FUCKWIT is holding. I’m sorry I’ll try to tone down the aggression he’s Jim not Gabriel Jim not Gabriel…

#season 3 vibes with Azi sitting alone? Lol I’m in pain.

But this ending scene was…oof. The symbolism of Aziraphale sitting alone, thinking he’s fallen then Crowley comes to be with him. He didn’t have to do that at all, he could’ve just left. But he went and looked for Aziraphale knowing he must be struggling.

He’s such a sweet not-lad who pretends to be big and scary but really he’s a softy.

Their conversation was so sweet and we again see how Crowley is kind to those who he can tell have good intentions. Crowley teased him in the cellar about going to hell but he could see this was a time to be serious. He was honest and admitted it was lonely to be on your own side. I think this is the moment where they really connect for the first time. They were very much themselves here, with no walls up.

On their characters-Crowley doesn’t seem to have much sense of self worth and I think that is what allows him to be so brash and confident. He doesn’t think he’s worth anyone caring what happens to him. And he is working within an impossible system so figures he might as well do what he wants and deal with the consequences later. He’s bitter and has mostly given up trying to make any big change, he just does the best he can with what he has at the time.

But Aziraphale is very idealistic and believes he can do good on a large scale. He believes he has potential and has tainted that by lying/going against gods will. And he believes this because he lacks confidence in his own judgement. He’s very intelligent, but still stuck in a very closed cycle of thinking. And honestly, that hasn’t changed a whole lot since. He’s made some headway, but he is still holding onto the same ideals more or less.

But despite Aziraphale idealistic side he is drawn to the confidence and freedom Crowley seems to possess. He appreciates his honesty and straightforward nature. Crowley says and does the things Azirphale knows is right, but can’t/won’t admit. I think in a way he also needs Crowley to give him permission to do ‘bad’ things, he wouldn’t do them alone but Crowley is an accomplice that gives him confidence.

Crowley is drawn to the pure hearted nature Aziraphale possesses. He’s drawn to Aziraphales unending hope that things can be good in the world. Aziraphale is like a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day. And it’s a very forceful Ray of sunshine. He respects Aziraphales desire to do the right thing. Again, same with Muriel and Jobs kids. He is drawn to those who remind him of himself before he fell. He sees himself before he was hurt, before he lost all his hope and before he became bitter and angry. Maybe he thinks it’s to late for him, but it’s not to late for him to preserve those who still possess what he’s lost.

Long story short I’m obsessed with this flashback. And it shows just how LONG Azirphale has been struggling. Crowley had his moral compass pretty well oriented even back then. But Azirphale is still struggling all the way up until the last episode where that struggle really explodes and causes them to fly apart.

Ironically, this flashback illustrates how the thing that caused them to fly apart was also the thing that brought them together in the first place!

And I’m sad now so here’s a cute smiling Crowley bc he deserves the world

Link to episode 3, post 1

#good omens series 2 #good omens spoilers #good omens s2 #good omens season 2 #aziraphale #crowley #aziracrow

[supergeek21]

First Line Writing Game

Rules: List the first line of your last 10 posted fics and see if there's a pattern! (I’d take it literally and just do the first sentence but if I feel like it works better with the first two sentences, that’s what you’ll get lol)

@mizgirl100880 tagged me in this so let’s see what my patterns is. Starting with my most recent (I’ll put the rating with the title and all titles link to the story)

1. Secret Admirer (G): “Bloody stupid month,” Crowley grumbled as he arrived to fetch Aziraphale for lunch. “Wanna skip to spring.”

2. Find Your Way Home (T): Aziraphale knew something was wrong before he even reached the duck pond.

3. You Don’t Dance (G): It was a quiet night and the only light in the South Downs cottage was coming from the Doctor Who rerun playing on the television.

4. On Books, Bootlegging, and Brains (T): Aziraphale hadn’t stopped smiling all night. Not only had Crowley quite dramatically come back into his life, it was like he had never left!

5. Let There Be Lights (G): “Are we supposed to take the Christmas decorations down now?” Crowley asked as Aziraphale plucked a candy cane off their potted tree and began unwrapping it.

6. Time For Us (E): It was a nice day. All the days had felt nice recently.

7. What’s New Pussycat? (M): Crowley couldn’t believe he’d let Aziraphale talk him into this.

8. Christmas Bells, Those Christmas Bells (G): “Look Daddy, teacher says ‘every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings!’

“Ugh! What does that even bloody mean?!” Crowley groaned.

9. O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree How Terrified Your Branches (G): It was the end of November when Aziraphale finally convinced himself to bring up the topic of Christmas with Crowley.

10. The Book I Read (M): Crowley jumped as a knocking jolted him out of the steamy love scene he’d been reading.

I’m not sure what patterns I can take out of this, honestly. I feel like no matter if I start with a quote or narration I’m always trying to set the tone up. The ones that start with quotes are all sillier stories and all fairly short by requirement, so that may be worth noting. It’s faster to jump in that way. Otherwise I think it’s fun all 4 ratings got represented here.

If you like my style of writing and want to see me write something you specifically want, please check out the Fandom Trumps Hate Auction! Bidding starts March 5, and I have a Good Omens fic available for the highest bidder.

Tagging 5 friends to play too. Idk who else may have been tagged already so if you don’t want to play, no pressure! @ngkiscool @edosianorchids901 @bazzpop @caedmonfaith @unproblematicme

#good omens #good omens fanfiction #fanfiction #writers on tumblr #first lines

[childrensbread]

How to Develop Courage

💜 When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.

In God, whose word I praise—in God I trust and am not afraid.

What can mere mortals do to me?

~Psalm 56:3-4 ✝️

Devotional

All of us want to be brave. However, for many of us, we don't quite know how to be. Developing courage is difficult.

Today, we're looking for answers.

"We Bought a Zoo" is a book written by former newspaper columnist Benjamin Mee. The true story recounts Benjamin's experiences of uprooting his family to the English countryside and purchasing a run-down zoo. The memoirs unpack the family's rollercoaster ride as they reopen the zoo while navigating financial difficulties, tensions and illness along the way.

Within the book, Benjamin shares a life motto: "Sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it."

It's an inspiring perspective. Courage, Mee suggests, is a powerful virtue in short bursts. Even if you don't think of yourself as brave, you can at least stir yourself for 20 seconds. And that could change everything. Courage starts small.

What do you make of that idea?

In today's Psalm, David articulates a different - although not mutually exclusive - formula for developing courage: "When I am afraid, I put my trust in you" (Verse 3). Within one verse, he gives us a three-step guide for becoming braver.

"When I am afraid" reminds us of the importance of acknowledging our fears to God. Courage is not the art of pretending we're not scared. God never asks us to suppress our fears or put on fake smiles. That's not courage. Courage is the ability to acknowledge our fears and live boldly anyway. Having fear is not shameful or "un-Christian". It's a normal human instinct. If you're feeling scared today, take your fear to Jesus. He awaits you with open arms.

I put" is the next part of David's declaration. Although brief, it makes a valuable point. "I put" is an active verb. It's an intentional choice by David to shift His fear. Rather than sitting scared, David makes a move. He employs faith. While it's normal to experience fear, you don't have to stay there. Choose to step out from fear into faith. Move towards Jesus today.

My trust in you" completes the phrase. Once David has made an active decision, he lands His trust in God. God is the object of our faith. He's our antidote to fear and source of peace. We can't live by trying to "stop being scared". We must replace our fear with something, or Someone, greater. Trust in God and watch fear flee.

Acknowledge your fears. Employ your faith. Trust in God. Repeat. This can provide a pattern for you as you develop your own courage. It's worth doing. In verse 4, we learn where all this leads: "I am not afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?" That's where we want to end up!

Choose to resist fear today. If you're finding it difficult, employ Benjamin Mee's tactic and start small. Live in 20-second chunks of courage. It can transform you! 🙏

Source: Glorify App

Image: Women in the Word

My Glorify Referral Link: https://share.glorify-app.com/MRSPINO777 ✝️

#jesusfreak #bibletruth #godislove #jesusisthelightoftheworld #jesusneverfails #godisgood #bible reflection #follow jesus #god is our rock #our daily bread #christian motivation #christian inspiration #christian faith #jesussaves #jesuschrist

[galaxythreads]

Hi, this is probably a strange ask, but even tho I know I haven't really commented on your fics, I remember reading them and being really impressed with how well you capture each character's distinct personality (particularly with the Loki and Avengers fics). So I guess my question is, how do you motivate yourself to write stories? I have so many fic ideas (and original stories) that just linger in my head all the time, but I find it difficult to motivate myself to write it out. Do you have the same problem? Is there anything you do to overcome the issue?

nah, you're good. i've gotten waaaay weirder asks before.

Motivation is a really hard thing. I think that any writer you ask in any form will admit to having motivation struggles at some point or another.

As I wrote my original novel last year, one of the things I discovered about motivation is that...it's different than what we typically think about it as. There were days I woke up and I really wanted to work on my novel, there were others where I could barely scrape a few sentences out of myself.

The thing about me personally and how I deal with this issue is I don't rely just on motivation. I have a schedule. On average, I try to get at least 500 words a day (at a bare minimum), which is about 1 page. often times, it's more than that (like 4-7). The more you write consistently, the easier it will be able to find motivation because you know what you're doing. Writing is just the tool to get there. Writing is a skill and the skill needs to be practiced more than once every couple of months if you want to see yourself make any progress.

I try to write a chapter in something once a week. For a long time that was in fics, which is why I've been able to make 150+ (counting my old account) fics, 80+ over 4k. Right now the majority of that energy is going into my original series. But the thing is, in order to write the chapter, I know I'm not going to be motivated every single day, but it's a habit now. Routine. I don't always want to write, but my day doesn't feel complete without it. I work on a chapter. That's what I do.

my advice for overcoming the motivation barrier is this: set aside time to write every single day. Ten minutes, thirty, etc and stick to that for two weeks. If you only manage to write two pages, that's two pages you didn't have before. If you don't want to write weekends, don't. Motivation will not get you a complete fic. Routine will.

And the most IMPORTANT thing about this is that those are absolutely allowed to be garbage pages. Write 10 pages of garbage. That's you in the future's problem, right now you in the present only has to focus on making sure the words get down.

But what will help you enjoy writing the fic is having something you're working for. That scene you want to write, the specific line you want to write, you need to have goals and things you want to explore in the fic as you work on it so that way you feel like you're reaching milestones. Milestones like:

chapter 1 - clint and Loki argue over the book, clint falls asleep and loki wakes him up because he can tell he's scared

chapter 5 - clint and Loki talk to Chitauri

Chapter 9 - they find Thor

stuff YOU WANT TO WRITE. Motivation is what you want to write, it's why you feel excited to write. Motivation is not some sacred untouchable thing. It's literally excitement. And that's why you can't rely on it every single day to get you a fic/story. Because you will not feel excited for every single part of the fic/story. That's literally impossible. Sometimes writing is boring or painful or just. bleh. it doesn't mean it will read that way, but you feel that way.

But that part you are excited for -- that makes writing it worth it in the end. You reach those goals and those milestones and the motivation makes it worth it.

So I would recommend trying to write every day as best as you can, and then set up some milestones for yourself, vague/not vague. If you can have an idea of what's coming in the next chapter, you're usually going to be more motivated to work on it because you are excited for the next chapter.

Hopefully, this helps a little, please let me know if you want clarification/expansion on anything!

#writing #galaxy talks writing #ask #answered

[tdcloud]

2022 Retrospective and a Look Ahead to 2023 (blog#12)

And now it’s December, and we’ve reached the final blog post for the year. Somehow I managed to keep this up for a full twelve months! I’m as shocked as you are, though I have to confess it took me a while to decide on a topic for this last installment for 2022. There are so many things I could and will talk about, but what tripped me up was the notion that this entry needed to be special, something different. I wanted to reward us all for reaching this milestone. It took some time to figure out what would work for that, but just like December hitting us full force with terrible Christmas music and present-buying anxiety, it came to me in the end, so here we are, and here we go.

The topic du jour this month is 2022 and 2023. It’s both a look back at what I’ve done this year as well as a sneak peek ahead at my goals and writing schedule for the next year. Now, anyone who knows me knows I’m not good at praising myself. I’ve written all these books, published and unpublished, and yet nothing ever feels like an accomplishment. It’s been my New Year’s resolution so many years in a row, and it’s one I consistently fail to address because… well, I just don’t know how to fix that. I went to Yougei asking him what I should write for this, and he immediately said “Do a reflection on all you’ve done this year.” I then responded, “All that would be is me complaining about not doing enough.” It’s a problem, that sort of mentality. I’m recognizing it here, and despite my knee jerk reaction that a topic like that wouldn’t be worth doing, I’ve decided to do it anyway. Because I have made strides! I have accomplished things! Let’s talk about them!

I think most obvious and present in my mind when it comes to accomplishments right now is Carnival, my October novella event winner. It’s done, it’s posted, and by and large, it seems to have been a success. I always stress over these events specifically because it’s… you know, a pretty huge undertaking. I have so many people who ask me if I do NaNoWriMo and I just stare at them like… first, I don’t need a month to write a novel, I do it on the regular, and second… That’s literally what October is for me every year. I bite off a lot to make this event happen for my patrons. The story may only be 5-6 chapters, but they average these days anywhere between 70-90 pages. I’ve stopped trying to write them all piecemeal in October—when I only wrote them to be around 4-5 chapters, that was more doable, but anymore, I need some extra time to prepare, plan, and get a head start if I want the end product to be the best it can possibly be given the circumstances under which it was written. I don’t tend to feel proud of myself when I finish writing something, but I do feel satisfied when these projects come to an end. It’s me testing myself on my flexibility, creativity, and perseverance. If I come out with time to spare, it’s a huge win, and this year, I managed to do just that with Carnival. A lot of the time, I’m still writing into October.

But beyond the obvious and most recent thing, what else have I accomplished this year? Well, I’m unreasonably negative towards myself when I fail to publish something. I’ve got so many things active and ready for it, but I can’t always get my way when it comes to finding an artist with time to spare, or if my editor is bogged down with their own projects. A lot of things conspired to throw a wrench in my plans this year, but I did manage to prepare two stories for publication—all I’m waiting for is art. When I’ve got that locked and loaded, all I have to do is send out for proofs and hit publish. I managed this year to prep so much content. Even if nothing managed to come to fruition for 2022, I’ll be able to hit the ground running in 2023. We’ll have a few rapid-fire releases that way, and I’ll be in a great position to finish some high-profile projects and get ahead for once in my never-ending schedule.

Given how much I work and put on my own plate, I’m not always in the best position to help out other people with their own projects. I was able to help Sun, one of my dearest and most valued friends, with her new A Little Rain Oracle Deck, and honestly, that’s probably the accomplishment I’m most proud of. She asked for help during my busiest month (September, when I’m in the deepest of hell-deadlines for the October novella), and I managed to completely rewrite and revise her guidebook with time to spare for her own deadlines. She’s announced and ended her pre-order, but there’s still time to check out this beautiful deck and see how to grab a copy for yourself. Help support Sun by checking out her website: https://ambisunart.com/shop/

Beyond all of that, I’ve made great strides in my ongoing projects. My Patreon serial, my monthly novella rotations, and all the other projects I’m working on in the background have progressed on schedule. I’m not behind in anything beyond Hiraeth (more on that later), and I’m actually finishing up the last few chapters of Apotheosis this month so I can get a head start on my next serial early, thus allowing myself even more time in the future for things not on my monthly rotation list. It’s hard to do double-chapters for large projects each month, but I’m trying to view it as an investment in future-me. The more I can churn through now when I’ve got some holiday downtime, the more I’ll be able to take my time in the future when I need to take my time. If I prep and stockpile chapters now, I’ll be in a better position when I inevitably get sick, go to conventions, or have a bad productivity month later on. 

And I do plan on doing more conventions. This year saw me attending and tabling at my first long-distance convention. I flew to Minnesota and tabled with my lovely friend Jack, something I never thought I’d be able to do given the logistics of transporting heavy books via airplane. I made it happen, and it worked! I reached an entirely new audience who hadn’t been privy to my work, and I intend to do it again in the future. I’ve reached new horizons and tested the boundaries of what I thought was possible when selling my work in person. It’s an accomplishment for sure, even if it’s not an obvious one in terms of publication or writing. What I do is considered a small business. I’m not just the talent—I’m the salesperson, the marketer, the graphic designer, the agent. Pushing the boundaries of where I take my business is so important, and while Covid is still very much a thing (y’all better still be masking!) conventions are reaching a state of equilibrium again. I’m excited to try my hand at new conventions I’ve never been to before. Hopefully, I’ll get to meet more of you while I do it!

But what about next year? I know I’ve teased a lot of future projects over this past year, but I haven’t been able to give too many concrete dates or time frames for a lot of them. Most of you don’t really know how I schedule or plan out my projects when it comes to publication timelines. I’m very organized, as you can imagine (sarcasm) and I have it all on a sticky notes app on my desktop.

This is sort of my tally chart on how projects are progressing, how much more is left on them, and it gives me general goalposts to aim for as I move forward. I also have a sticky note just for my monthly commitments as well.

This is more a to-do list that gets deleted as I check things off the list, and then the chapter tally is updated on the main screenshot from before. I’ve also got an actual paper schedule notebook where I schedule out my weeks in terms of what project gets worked on when, and when stories conclude, when they go on pause (like in the case of October, every project tends to stop updating except for the novella event offering), and when new stories get to begin. 

Of course, I’m always running behind. In an ideal world, I’d keep to my schedule exactly and finish everything in the least amount of time necessary, but I get sick sometimes, or a family member gets sick, or my convention schedule gets hectic and I lose entire weeks to prepping and traveling and recovery, or holidays happen and my family monopolizes me, or any other numerous setbacks that happen when you live your life. In an ideal world, I’d publish 2-3 times a year. In 2022 alone, I wanted to publish Infaust, Ossuary, and even if there was time, one of the vigilante books. Unfortunately, this year was a busy, hectic year. My usual artists can’t drop everything for me, and I wouldn’t expect or ask them to. When you work independently like this, you just have to get used to having your self-imposed deadlines break. 

But when I’m in a lean year like this, I don’t stop working towards publication. If anything, I do even more so that when I do have covers ready, I can hit the ground running. I do all the formatting. I pre-make promotional material. I spend money I would’ve earmarked for cover art on commissioned character art to generate interest, and I dedicate time I would’ve lost in publication hell towards other projects. Do you see how many things I’ve got in my Edit Block up there? I’ve been able to finish and stockpile so many completed manuscripts over the course of 2022. My editor, NIL, has already recreationally read at least half of these offerings. We’ll be able to start 2023 in a great position when it comes to the vigilante series since we’ve both spent so much time poking around on the documents as it is, and Nil’s has already been able to give me a head start on my personal edits for Lambent and Carnival as well, so when we get around to working on those titles seriously, a lot of the bigger issues will already be taken care of.

So, what does that mean in terms of what to expect in 2023? Well, the delightful and supremely skilled AmbiSun (illustrator and graphic designer behind The Tempest Series) will be returning to make Ossuary, the cursebreaker witch/elder vampire erotic horror novella, a reality! She’ll be sending me thumbnails this month and we should have a completed cover before we hit March. Expect a spring release on that title, and more information and teasers around then!

I know I’ve been teasing Infaust over the past few months, and this book is just a good representation of how my intense work schedule doesn’t always translate well for others. I’ve got an insanely talented artist on board for this Pied Piper inspired dark romance, but working around our schedules and fitting things into our busy lives has proved challenging. I’d wanted to release this book back in June, but it’s looking now like it’ll be a 2023 release, perhaps before Ossuary, but maybe after it. We’re playing it by ear, and that’s fine. I will tell you guys that I do have some fun publication plans for this book when it does drop! I really want to do more for pre-orders, and I’m working right now on making a pre-order book release bundle that will hopefully become the norm when I release full books (not novellas, though we may do something fun for compilations like the vigilante trio.) The goal is to have a cute themed box of goodies to go along with the new book. This will likely involve some character manjuu, a sticker sheet, mini prints, and perhaps even acrylic standees or charms! All of the merch will be available for individual purchase after the book drops, but we may have some exclusives just for early birds. 

Here’s where we get a little indulgent and pretend that I can concretely deliver on three releases in one year. Following these two books, my publication team and I are planning on going all in when it comes to the vigilante novella trio. If you haven’t read my vigilante teaser blog, go do that now so you know what you’re waiting for! Like I said in that blog, I’ll be working with @skelefarts (or Skeletal Creature, as I think Linden told me she wanted to be known as for the book credentials) over on Twitter when it comes to art. The current plan is to focus on editing all three novellas, starting with Pride/Stray (still using the working titles for ease of the team). Once NIL and I are done editing it and have it all formatted, Linden will do her art while we set in on the next manuscript, leap-frogging it like that so we’re always editing, drawing, and publishing until we’re through with all three novellas. Usually, I have to stop everything when I’m working on late-stage publication, but we’ve all spent enough time with these novellas that it shouldn’t take too much focus to get them out. If we’re lucky, expect Pride/Stray in late 2023 and the other two in early-to-mid 2024. A merch box for all three titles may follow the final publication, but that’ll be dependent on how the Infaust box does.

I would say this is all you can expect currently when it comes to physical releases, but that’s not all you have to look out for. My Patreon is always chock-full of so many ongoing digital releases to tide you over in between physical publications. My current Patreon serialized novel Apotheosis, the prequel to Letifer and the second installment in my Dark Vagaries vampire series, will end by April of 2023. It’ll likely be a 2024 release and be given high priority since it’s part of my main ongoing series. I don’t expect its publication deadline to move around much, barring some major life event occurring or my DVerse artist, Y. Dan (Yougei) needing more time to get the cover out. Either way, you can read it on Patreon right now for just $5 a month. In fact, you can read literally all of these stories right now on Patreon if you’re too impatient to wait for physical releases XD Their first drafts are up, and while they may be missing a chapter or two here, they’re still good representations of what you have to look forward to as my team works on publication.

Since Apotheosis ends in April, May will start off the next serialized work, a rewrite of Aubade, a Norse fantasy story. I wrote up a blog post about this story a couple months back, so if you want a teaser on what to expect from it, I highly suggest checking that out. The current goal right now is to finish writing Apotheosis before New Year’s so I can spend January-May churning through my rewrite portions of Aubade (the first eight or so chapters). The following 4-5 new, additional chapters will be written monthly, thus allowing me to schedule most of the book to auto-release on Patreon while I dedicate my time to finishing other projects I normally wouldn’t have time for while balancing a monthly serial like this. I’m also excited to announce here that a really talented artist will be working with me for this Patreon release! He’s asked to be kept anonymous, but I’ll tell you that he’s a huge fan of Aubade, has been for a long time now, even though I really don’t like the fic version much these days. He’s been champing at the bit in hopes of me picking the story back up and, as a show of his diehard love of the story, has offered to make illustrations for every chapter of the Patreon release, as well as a Patreon cover for the story, too. It’s going to make for a very immersive, very thoughtful exploration of this book, and I really can’t wait for January to come so we can begin our collaborative rewrite of this emotionally challenging story.

I also do a monthly patron pick poll on Patreon, one where I keep up a monthly rotation of several different short story/novella concepts that update based on my patrons’ tastes. We’ve currently got three on rotation, a Gladiatrix/Noblewoman lesbian romcom that will end after one more chapter, a spiritual sequel/tie-in to a previous novella poll option currently titled The Raven King involving courtship through mutual story telling and folkloric creatures beyond our ken, and one with the working title Courtly Love, another romcom set in a pseudo-Arthurian setting with a romantic, hesitant troubadour and the inexperienced prince determined to get this guy to make a move before it’s too late for either of them to act on the flirtations they’ve been exchanging for close to a decade. The latter two won’t begin until next year—everyone has really been feeling these sweaty Roman lesbians—and a third option will likely be added then too, since I like having three on rotation. I haven’t yet decided what I’ll add to the poll just yet, but it’s always a banger and always a ton of fun. 

Similar to the patron poll options, my October Novella Event for 2023 will come as it always does, and voting on the story will begin around May or June, just to give me some extra time to plan and get a head start on things. As of right now, the poll options for that event will include the two losers from this year, a sequel to Ossuary named Reliquary that is pretty dead dove XD and another, final installment in the vigilante-verse involving a milfy they/them ditz of a villain and a young, yandere-in-the-making hero who enjoys being held hostage a little too much, a sort of pseudo-horror romance involving the ringleader of a carnival of the dead and a denizen of Limbo who refuses to fall victim to his whims (kinda Corpse Bride-meets-Mushishi flavored, if that gives you some vibes to consider), and something else I haven’t come up with yet. I’m sure I’ll do more teaser blogs about these and other works once I get closer to actually working on them. Just fun stuff to keep in mind, and hopefully you’ll be enticed enough to join us in October for the big reveal!

And finally, the last project I want to discuss is the one I keep getting grilled on: Hiraeth. The final installment of The Tempest Series has been a thorn in my side for several years now, and I’ve offered about as many excuses as I can on why it still isn’t done yet. I just want to reiterate that I WILL finish this story. It will not be scrapped or canceled. It’s going to be published. As you can see in my sticky notes, it is on my radar and always, always, ALWAYS on my mind. The issues I’m having are namely of my own making, but as I said before, I’m always running behind, and with Patreon rotations that have to be published on a schedule, I’m forced to prioritize some projects at the detriment of others. Earlier this year I managed to squeeze in a chapter of Hiraeth into my monthly rotation, but as soon as I had to begin working on my October novella on top of that, something had to give. My goal is to keep Hiraeth on my schedule until it’s done or I’m forced to, once again, let something slide so I’m able to meet my monthly commitments. Given I’m so close to the end of this book, I think the former is more likely than the latter. The SECOND this story is done, it is going to supersede anything else my editor is working on for me. We’re going to beat it into shape and get it ready for publication, but when it’ll be published… I can’t say just yet. It’s going to depend on Sun’s availability, as always, but please know that this book will become my top priority the moment the draft is done. Until then, it’s always going to be the thing I push to the back burner because I have a monetary commitment to prioritize my Patreon offerings first, and while I did toy with the idea of making Hiraeth a serial on there, I opted to not since it’s too wrapped up in lore, previous installments, and context to work as a standalone for anyone on there who hasn’t read the whole series yet. 

Please keep in mind I work a full time job and update roughly 50-60 pages a month publicly and another 30-40 that you don’t see. I’m not annoyed or frustrated that I keep getting questions about Hiraeth—to be honest, I’m just psyched that people care and are that excited to finally get to read it. I’m more frustrated at myself for taking this long on something that should’ve been done back in like, 2019. I’m going to do it, though. My Aubade rewrite sprint at the beginning of 2023 will free me up significantly, and I intend to use that time wisely by prioritizing this book again as much as I’m able to. I don’t think I’ll be able to publish in 2023, but my ultimate goal for this work is to give you guys a release date for 2024, or at the very least, confirm that the book is done and that all we’re waiting on is clearance for art before we announce when to expect it. 

But that’s enough on that. You guys probably look at all these ongoing and future projects and think I’m insane, but honestly, this is how I work, this is how I update, and I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t give myself unrealistic standards and deadlines. I like having a full plate, and when I have lots of ideas, I don’t always like waiting years for their turn to come. Sometime I’ll show you guys more of my monthly planning strategies and maybe even show you guys how I format my physical schedule. To me, this is all very manageable so long as I don’t fall behind. It’s when I get sick or miss a weekend that things get stressful. Maybe that’ll be my next resolution for 2023—give myself even more padding for when things inevitably do happen to me, because even with all of these stockpiling tricks I’m pulling, it’s still likely to happen regardless.

Let’s turn to some questions now and see what else people are excited about for 2023. Questions come from Instagram and Twitter this time!

How do you do prior research and gather references to make your work more “real”?

More writing questions! Fun fun. Well, I mean, I read books and look for articles on the topics. It really depends on the sort of research you’re doing. If it’s something in a historical setting, you should be researching the fuck out of things—if that’s something you feel is important. There are plenty of people writing “historical” fiction where it’s just a setting, not anything more. Do you care about being accurate? If so, then read everything you can find about the time period itself. Find diaries, since those are great for actually hearing how people lived their day-to-day lives, and look for resources that can add flavor to your worldbuilding, like historical cookbooks or books/articles targeted towards taking you through the day of whatever class or group of people you’re writing about. You want to get boots on the ground, essentially, because just reading a history book won’t tell you how a person lived, just what they lived through. 

If you’ve got access to JSTOR, you’re a lucky bastard. Use it and download as many articles as you can. If you don’t, hit up your local library. There are reference librarians who can find articles and books for you via WORLDCAT or interlibrary loan, and I’d recommend being pretty upfront with them when it comes to what you’re trying to write. My mother is a librarian and you’d be shocked what sorts of goldmines they’re able to uncover once they get going. Also, when I was in college, I asked my professors LOTS of questions when I was writing stories set in their areas of focus. If you’ve got access to an expert in the field, use them. I’ve served as a historical consultant before for comic authors—though I’d hazard to call myself an “expert.” Just… don’t be too shy to tell someone like that what you’re trying to do. You don’t have to tell your Medieval History professor “Hey, I’m writing a gay erotica about a viking and volva, can you tell me more about things that pertain to that?” Have some tact, if you think they’ll care or whatever, but just tell them you’re working on a personal project and could use more context. They’ll tell you everything they know, or be a great resource when it comes to pointing you towards other resources instead.

I’d also suggest setting your story in a place you’re familiar with, if you’re basing it in a real world place. That’s not always possible though—and God knows I’ve never been to France XD—but if you don’t have real world experience in the location you’re setting a story in, you’re going to have to do even more research to level the playing field, because a reader who DOES know about that location will drag your ass for inconsistencies—I’ve got a European reader who corrected me for having two French characters drink tea with milk in it. Find someone who lives there or has a lot of experience being there to read over your work and tweak it for issues, interview people about their own experiences, and like, Google Earth is a thing. You can literally take a walk down a Parisian street to see what a character sees. I can’t tell you how many walking tours I watched on Youtube to get a feel for the public portions of the Catacombs as well. The more you know and have seen of your setting, the more authentic your descriptions will be and feel. 

Finally, while I don’t believe in only “writing what you know,” I still suggest you write within your wheelhouse. If you know nothing about the Industrial Revolution and you don’t really care to learn about it beforehand, maybe don’t set your story during that time if the setting itself is a big area of focus in the story. There’s no shame in giving your fantasy a historical bend to it. It gives you a lot more wiggle room and more grace in terms of the finicky little details that may give you away. I guess… just identify what your goal is in telling the story. Are you trying to make it accurate? Do you want people to come out of reading it learning new things? If so, put in the work. If not, then don’t sweat it, but also don’t sell it as accurate historical fiction.

Ultimately, what makes a story feel “real” can come from the setting, but largely, it’ll come from how realistic and authentic you make your characters feel. The more you demonstrate this person is a well rounded character with thoughts, feelings, and goals of their own, the more the reader will feel immersed and find the story believable. Don’t just write a character—write a person. The set dressing will help us understand them, but I’d ignore the presence of a tomato in 14th century Europe a lot easier if the character I’m reading about feels tangible.

Is there any trope in fiction that you love but might not have written yet?

Hmm well I’m pretty good about writing things that I like or want to try exploring, clearly XD But off the top of my head, I really want to do some noir inspired works sometime, as well as more detective stories. One of my favorite type of stories to read are locked door mysteries, the sort of mystery where someone is murdered in a locked room and you have to try to figure out who did it and how—sort of like Clue meets Agatha Christie. 

I’m also a fan of arranged marriages/political marriage tropes, and while I’m sort of satisfying some of those requirements with Apotheosis, I haven’t gotten to truly explore that trope just yet. I’ve also got a divisive relationship with isekai type stories, but I lowkey have plans I want to explore for a story involving alternate realities and a character being brought into a world that seems familiar but has a few marked differences. I’m toying with some story notes as we speak but I don’t have anything concrete enough planned for any sort of formal write-up or teaser just yet. 

What conventions are you going to next year?

Great question! I do try to keep my Events tab on my website up-to-date as I make plans and get into alleys, but as of right now, I’ll be at Anime Crossroads in February (Indianapolis), Anime Minneapolis in May (Minneapolis), Colossalcon in June (Sandusky), and Youmacon in November (Detroit). I’ll be for-sure tabling at the first three (Colossalcon likely just the traditional Thursday), with Youma still being a TBA. I’ve also applied for Matsuricon, ACEN, and will be trying for JAFAX, Anime Iowa, and perhaps a few other smaller Michigan conventions as well. One of my goals for 2023 is to try applying to more conventions outside my normal rotation. Wish me luck on all these lotteries and juries!

It’s been a great year, now that I’m reading over all of this. I’ve made new friends, worked with new people, explored new topics, and set myself up for some really great launches next year. I’m entering a new era of my business and creative life as I attempt new things and try different dynamics within my fiction, and I’m really excited to start offering more merch in new and fun ways. 

I hope you guys had a good 2022 despite, y’know, everything bad that’s done it’s best to stain it for everyone. We’re not living in easy times. We’re actively challenged every single day to get out of bed and keep our heads high, to move forward with what makes us happy while life around us conspires to drag us down. Fiction is an escape and always has been. It can be hard to get the words on paper some days with the news beating down on the back of my head, but it’s an escape for you guys, and for me as well. It’s… important. Silly little stories are important. If I’ve been able to give any of you some levity in darkness, I’m glad. It makes it all worth it, and I hope you’ll stick by me for another year as we continue to laugh and cry and shout at these stupid characters as they fall in love again and again and again.

Thank you for 2022. Let’s say hello again in 2023, and make it a good year, even if we have to do it ourselves by any means possible.

Until next time,

T.D. Cloud

#author blog #blog #2022 recap

[freindly-neighbourhood-anarchist]

When You Sleep Together

Dream SMP x Reader

I've got some wholesome moments for you guys because y'all deserve to be loved :) sorry if some of these are cheesy

⊰᯽��┈──╌❊╌──┈⊰᯽⊱

💭💚Dream💚💭

Rubbing his eyes sleepily as he stared at the chat of his stream, Clay sighed quietly to himself. He was longing for the sweet embrace of his comfy bed-sheets. As much as he loved his chat, he loved you and his bed more.

Blinking away the sleep, he shook his head to wake himself up. When he stopped himself from falling into his sleep-zombie stupor, he began to speak energetically to the stream once again.

Just as he was about to say something, the sound of his door opening made him stop. When he saw you peeking your head into his room, he muted his mic." Everything okay?" He asked, concern swirling in his deep-green eyes.

Your eyes narrowed a little from the brightness of his monitor," You're... still streaming?" You muttered tiredly, running a hand through your messy hair," It's 4 am... You need to come to bed before you die." You stated bluntly.

Chuckling lightly, Clay smiled at you," That's a bit of an exaggeration, dont ya think?" He grinned out before turning to his monitor," I just need to finish this building first and then I'll come to bed." He reassured.

Pouting at him, you walked over to him in his gaming chair. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders from behind and leaned your head in the crook of his neck. He stiffened up for a second but leaned into your touch, which told you just how tired he really was.

You brought your lips close to his ear," The bed's lonely without you..." You tried your best to sound cute before giving into your sluggish thoughts," and it's lowkey freezing without you next to me. You don't want me to die of hypothermia, right?"

Wheezing a little, he shook his head," Alright, alright. You've convinced me."

"Epic victory royale for me."

"Never say that again."

⊰᯽⊱┈──╌❊╌──┈⊰᯽⊱

🖤🔥Sapnap🔥🖤

Groaning in defeat, you closed your laptop after saving your assignment in frustration. Rubbing your eyes tiredly, you glanced at your phone and turned it on to check the time.

2:30 a.m

"Oh f-" you already knew you were gonna get shit from Nick as soon as you stepped foot into your shared bedroom.

Quickly packing your college material away, you raced upstairs quickly and made a bee-line to your bedroom. You opened the door quietly, smirking slightly when you heard the light snores coming from your boyfriend.

He was hugging a pillow close to himself, wrapped snugly within the comfy blankets. He looked like he was in heaven.

If anything, that only made you more tired.

You tiptoe to the bed and slowly crawled into the bed, trying your best to stop the groan of satisfaction from escaping your lips as soon as the blankets consumed you. You stared at Nick's peaceful face for a second before scooting closer to him for more heat.

The pillow beneath your head was so fluffy and comfortable that you were almost instantly consumed in dream-land, not before Nick stopped you.

"Did your bitchass finally give up on that dumb assignment." He muttered tiredly, replacing the pillow he was cuddling with you.

"I have to finish it tomorrow, dumbass..." You grunted out, your eyebrow slanting downwards slightly.

"Nah, fuck you. You're staying in bed with me tomorrow." He denied your statement instantly, pulling you ever closer.

"You make a good argument, I retract my statement..."

"Good."

⊰᯽⊱┈──╌❊╌──┈⊰᯽⊱

💤💙GeorgeNotFound💙💤

"Fuck yea-" You stopped your celebrating quickly as soon as you remembered that your boyfriend was literally sleeping behind you.

You had been editing a video all night, and despite his begging and whining, you just wouldnt go to bed with George. So he decided that he'd stay with you in the living room, refusing to go to bed without you.

You had protested against that, claiming that he needed his beauty sleep, which he had taken great offense to. So he sat behind you, wrapping his arms around you and placing his head in the crook of your neck, whining that he wasnt going to move until you came to bed with him.

You took this as a challenge," Aight bet." And continued to edit whilst your boyfriend was hugging you from behind.

About 10 minutes into editing, you heard George's familiar snores. You knew that he'd fall asleep quick anyways, sleeping is sort of his thing.

But now, you'd finally finished your editing and want to actually go to bed. Sighing at this dilemma and obvious karma, you closed your laptop after sending the video to Dream.

You leaned into George's heat, making him stir a little." George..." you whispered to him.

There was a lazy hum in response.

"Let's go to bed..." You muttered to him.

"....You lost that opportunity about 2 hours ago." He replied back stubbornly," It's expired."

"Oh, come on." You groaned out," If I stay in bed with you tomorrow as well, will you let us go to bed?"

He was silent.

"... Deal."

"Great, let's go, let's go."

⊰᯽⊱┈──╌❊╌──┈⊰᯽⊱

🎶💛Wilbur Soot💛🎶

"Alright, bed time. C'mon." Wilbur spoke up suddenly, making you jump from your place at your monitor.

"Wait wha-" You were interrupted as Wilbur wrapped his arms around your waist, squeezing you close to him. Your back pressed into his chest as he got you to stand up from your desk." Will, what are you-?"

"You've been editing all day. I need attention and affection." He muttered, a pout on his lips." So can we got to sleep please?" He sent you a slight grin.

"Will, this'll only take a couple of minutes." You sighed out with furrowed eyebrows.

His grin dropped," You said that an hour ago."

Your eyes widened at his words," I did?"

"You did."

"Shit." You rubbed your eyes, letting out another sigh," Jeez, I'm sorry Will... I'm an asshole." You muttered.

"Hmm.... hmmmmm thinking.... You could come to bed to sleep with me to make up for being an asshole?" He teased.

You narrowed your eyes at him playfully," you're not supposed to agree."

Laughing slightly, he wrapped his arms around you tighter," in all seriousness.... As sleepdeprived as I am, I don't want you following in my footsteps. So can we go to bed, please? I really need you in my arms right now."

You were taken aback by his confession but you could only give into his charms after he sent you a soft-eyed smile." Oh, alright."

"Thank fuck. Jesus, please never make me wait as long as you did tonight again."

"Noted."

⊰᯽⊱┈──╌❊╌──┈⊰᯽⊱

⭐👑Eret👑⭐

"Can we go to bed now?" You whined as Eret finally finished streaming." Jeez, it's like you love your chat more than me."

Eret laughed deeply at your words and shook their head," You know that's not trueee~" he sang out cutely." You have my heart, [Y/N], don't worry."

You couldn't stop the stop the soft smile from replacing your pout, your eyes softening at her." Aww.... Ali, you're so sweet to me... and you're super cheesy." You awed out, finding their response to be genuinely adorable.

" Ali? Sheesh, and you call me cheesy. Look in the mirror, love." He teased, finally turning his monitor off and making their way over to you. She towered over you, you've always compared them to a big friendly giant who loves to cuddle.

Sending her a teasing grin and a suggestive eyebrow raise, you spread your arms open for him to hug you," Bed time?"

They grinned slightly and wrapped their arms around you securely, squeezing you tightly against his chest in a loving hug." Bed time..."

"Finally."

"Were you really waiting that long?" She teased, getting your messy head of [H/C] hair." Aww, if I had known that, I would've ended earlier."

You hit him playfully," You suck, loser."

"Love you too, dear."

⊰᯽⊱┈──╌❊╌──┈⊰᯽⊱

(This one's a bit long lol.)

👑🐷Technoblade🐷👑

You let out a another yawn as you shivered lightly in the cold of the snowy area you and Techno lived in.

Your boyfriend had gone to the nether a couple of hours ago to collect wither skulls for 'decoration' but you already knew what he was scheming inside that chaotic head of his.

You've been waiting for about 5 hours in the freezing cold. Of course you've made yourself useful around the house, tending to the farm and gathering more materials overall.

Tommy helped here and there, but he was mostly gathering materials for himself.

Now you were beginning to worry for your boyfriend, he's been gone for so long.

So you decided to sit at the doorstep, a blanket wrapped around yourself and a hot cup of cocoa, refusing to fall asleep until you found out that Techno was okay.

Tommy had sat with you for an hour or so before he retired to his bed, stating," Techno's being a bitch. Not worth the time waiting for him." And then he left.

You had laughed at the teen's grumpiness towards Techno, but you didnt agree with him.

Techno was worth waiting for.

He always will be.

Taking another sip from your cocoa, you leaned your head against the door, blinking so that you're eyes wouldnt close due to fatigue and tiredness.

The steaming hot cocoa in your hands reminded you of the warm bed you share with Techno. How the fire would crackle and the smell of burning wood and berries filled the home. The blankets were huge and warm and would just consume you and Techno. How he stays up at night to read some history book and tell you about greek mythology.

"Fuck I miss him..." You muttered, your teeth chattering whic prompted you to wrap your blankets closer around you.

"Miss who?"

You jumped at the familiar voice, making you drop your hot cocoa. You looked up at the owner and your lip twitched a little," You're an asshole."

Techno raised an eyebrow down at you, taking off his pig mask to talk to you properly." HEH? What have I done??" He mumbled, silently outraged.

"Do you know how long I've been waiting here?? 5 hours, Techno!! I'm surprised I havent gotten hypothermia yet!" You exclaimed, standing from your spot on the doorstep," You even made me spill my cocoa!!"

Pouting like a child, your boyfriend narrowed his red eyes at you," How is the fact you spilled your cocoa my fault?"

You gave him a,' bitch, really?' Look and it made him reconsider his words.

"Oh wait a minute, I guess that is kinda my fault, huh? Ehhhh, its fiiiiine." He waved a hand dismissively and walked passed you to get into the house, throwing his red Cape off and then placing his items into a chest." So... you missed me, eh? I mean... I would too if I were you but... y'know."

You knew he was fishing for affection or gratitude, but you knew better than that. You were still angry at him.

"Wow, quite the ego on you." You rolled your eyes," and who said it was you that I was missing?"

Techno didnt look at you, he continued placing his items in his chest," Well.... who else would you miss?" He questioned carefully.

"Phil."

He turned to you, staring before shrugging," Yeah, that's pretty valid. I miss him too."

You groaned at his stubborn nature and sat down in a chair, rubbing your temples," You're such a pain." You muttered.

Techno froze at your words, finally sensing your distress. When he had finished putting his items away, he turned to your brooding form, a light frown upon his face. He walked over to you and gulped, his eyebrows furrowing with frustration. He really really wasnt one for comforting others, hes always found it hard to do so. That's what social anxiety does to you.

He placed a hand on your head, petting it lightly and awkwardly." Look.... I'm sorry."

You froze at his words and slowly looked up at him, an expectant look upon your face.

Techno took his hand from your head, prompting to cross his arms instead," I know that you were worried, I shouldve taken that into consideration. But ya need to understand that I'm strong, [Y/N]. You dont need to worry for my safety at all, I can handle myself."

You frowned a little before sighing," You know I worry because I love you." You stated simply, looking down at your shoes.

The male's cheeks heated up a little and he nodded," 'course..." he grumbled bashfully.

Lips twitching into a slight smile, you stood from your chair and grabbed both of his hands gently, intertwining his fingers with yours." Well... I'm glad you're safe... I missed you a lot."

Techno's face only reddened even further as he completely avoided eye contact with you, his palms growing sweaty but refusing to let go of your smaller and softer hands." U-uh... wanna know another reason why you shouldnt worry about me dyin'?" He's trying his best to hide the fact he was embarrassed.

You grinned slightly and leaned a little closer to him," Yeah. Tell me."

He looked deeply into your eyes, his face still flushed. He leaned a little closer to your face, his ruby-red eyes swirling with an emotion you couldnt quite put your finger on.

Your eyes flicker down to his lips as he began to speak, his hot breath hitting your own lips.

"Because Technoblade never dies."

You pulled yourself from him instantly," You just ruined the romantic moment. AGAIN." You stated simply.

He huffed out a laugh at your exclaim," Aww c'mon it was funny! Please tell me I'm funny--"

"You're not funny. I'm going to bed, bye." You then walked away from him, Techno trailed behind you with a shit-eating grin on his lips.

"You know I still have 3 canon lives left as well, right?"

"I am now choosing to no longer understand english." You replied simply.

"Ok, nerd."

⊰᯽⊱┈──╌❊╌──┈⊰᯽⊱

🐏🖤Jschlatt🖤🐏

"The fuck are you up so late for." It was more of a statement than a question.

You looked up at your floating boyfriend in all of his blue sweater and ram-horned glory." You're up late too, dumbass." You shot back, downing another cup of coffee.

"[Y/N]... I'm a fuckin' ghost. You think I need sleep? Use your head woman." He insulted as he floated behind you, peeking over your shoulder to see what you were up too.

You seemed to be writing something in a book, he couldnt really read it though so he leaned onto your back, leaning his chin on your shoulder. His eyes skimmed over the words and he scowled a little.

"What the hell are you s'posed to be writing." He grumbled out.

"It's just a book for the different materials Alex told me to gather." You stated simply, leaning your head against his slightly.

"Good idea. Knowin' you, your dumbass would probably forget." He hummed out," But why waste your time on this when you could be sleeping."

Frowning with furrowed eyebrows, you continued to write in the book," I mean... its Alex. I dont wanna let the guy down, he's the vice president."

"Eh... Whose Alex again? He the one with the flatty patty?"

You buried your face in your hands, holding in a laugh." You're an idiot..." You muttered out, trying to contain your laughter.

"Takes one to know one asshole." Schlatt responded, floating away from you and to your bed. He lay on top of it comfortably," OoOoOoh~ look at how comfortable this fuckin' bed looks [Y/N]~ mm yes, comfy comfy, yes very comfy."

Smiling a little, you turned to him and raised an eyebrow," You sure its comfy?"

He was silent for a moment before he nodded," trust me. You know what they call me?"

You rolled your eyes, sighing slightly,"... what do they call you..."

"The bed master."

"You fucking-" You're sentence cut off as you broke out into a laugh. Schlatt couldnt stop the slight smile from crossing over his lips at successfully cheering you up.

"This is a very comfy bed. You should try it out with me, right now." It was more of a threat than a suggestion.

"How can I trust you though?..."

"Maybe if you try the bed out for yourself you can decide whether it's comfy or not, fuckin' moron."

You stared at him with a deadpan expression before giving in," you make a valid point. You win this argument." Standing from the table, you walked over to your bed and flopped onto it next to Schlatt.

He stared down at you expectantly;" Well? Was I right or was I right?"

You moved around on the bed a little, and sighed," .....It feels like I'm lying on a fucking cloud...." you gave up.

Schlatt shot you a shit-eating grin," Right?? The bed master strikes once again." Then his smile dropped," Dont ever fuckin' question me again."

"Gotcha."

He turned a little in the bed and threw an arm over you, pulling you close to him. You stared up at him with a confused gaze, which made him roll his eyes." Gonna help you sleep." He grunted out.

"Ahhh... Okay." You snuggled a little closer to him." Thank you for existing, Schlatt."

"At least one of us are happy I exist." He deadpanned.

"Hey Schlatt? Did you fall from heaven, cause you look like you fell- wait I messed that up."you silently cursed to yourself.

"You fucking loser."

"Lemme try again... Did you fall from heaven? Cause you look like an angel."

"... That makes no fucking sense. Are you comparing me to Satan then? He was the angel that fell from heaven." He looked slightly offended." I'll have you know that I am a devoted Catholic-"

You deadpanned when he wouldnt accept the pick-up line and gave up,"... You're hot." you stated bluntly.

"I know. Goodnight."

⊰᯽⊱┈──╌❊╌──┈⊰᯽⊱

❤🦆Quackity🦆❤

"Fuuuuck... I'm so fucking tired chat." Alex laughed out slightly, trying his best to contain another yawn. His chat instantly began to complain to him, telling him to hurry up and end the stream then. " aww... you all care so much for me." He fake cried." I dont deserve you guys."

MikeHawk: GO TO BED YOU SMALL MAN

Likywastaken: GO SLEEP ASSHOLE

He snorted at the comment," Wow, are y'all hitting on me orrr? Hit me up." He joked teasingly, a slight grin upon his lips.

The familiar sound of,' Me perdonas' came through his headset, indicating he had received a donation.

Duh_Itz_y/n has donated $4.20

Go the fuck to bed you bitch <3

His eyes lit up at your familiar twitch name and he chuckled lightly." Y/N, my love, you have such a way with words." He stated sarcastically, ignoring how his chat started spamming your name." Thanks for the dono but you literally can just call me on discord, fucking idiot."

And just like that, his discord went off, it made him jump in his gaming chair. He covered it up with a cough and answered the call," Hola hermosa."

"Did you just fucking jump when I called you?"

He sputtered," The fuck??? No. You're tripping."

"YOU DID. You're such a pussy boy."

"Yes, I am a pussy boy because I attract all the puss-"

"Stop talking." You interrupted," Why arent you asleep Alex? I don't know if you knew this buuut, 2 am is usually the time when people should be sleeping." You stated, snarky and teasing.

"If you wanted to get me alone you shouldve just said so, babe." He stated simply, you could hear the shit-eating grin in his voice.

He heard you laugh from the other side, making his heart flutter in his chest." I wish I was there but Mexico is like hours away." You muttered.

"Why are you awake? You've been going off to me but it's late where you are too."

"It's cause I was watching your shitass stream. I'm such a dedicated girlfriend, arent I? I just love you so much." You laughed out.

"Aww, you're such a simp for me..." Alex pressed a hand to his cheek embarrassingly, mocking that he was flustered." Should I just end the stream now then. I wanna talk to you now."

"Now you're the one wanting to get me alone Hmm?"

"Yeah, at least I can admit it. Looks like you're the pussy here." He spat your words right back at you.

"End the stream."

"Yes ma'am."

"Pfft, and you say you arent a fucking bottom." You teased.

"Y/N, I am still strEAMING-"

#dream smp x you #jschlatt x reader #dream smp x reader #quackity x reader #wilbur x reader #wilbur soot x reader #eret x reader #dream x reader #sapnap x reader #georgenotfound x reader #technoblade x reader #mcyt x reader

[devildomimagines]

Request: How the Demon Brothers React to a Very Competent Caretaker MC

The prompt: MC has to take care of lots of siblings back in the human world. Not, like, 6 or 7 siblings, but TWENTY-FOUR!! MC can multitask like no one’s business and can easily take care of any problem that might arise with their siblings. MC is great at taking care of others and enjoys it. The hang-up is that when they come to Devildom, they suddenly find themselves with a lot of free time and aren’t really sure how to fill in those gaps since they were always dedicating themselves to others.

Anon! Your message was so sweet but I was having technical difficulties writing the post as an answer so I decided to just make a separate text post. Btw, your great-grandmother sounds like a total badass, what an inspiration! I hope you don’t mind my work around for the technical issues and I hope this lives up to what you were looking for!

Edit: I wrote this for the formerly Undateables as well, check it out here.

Belphegor

As the youngest he doesn’t completely understand but he does love his family (even if he doesn’t always show it).

He is kind of amazed with how competent MC is and how easily adaptable to the needs of him and his brothers.

He’s kind of selfish so oftentimes he abuses your nurturing nature.

After the events in the attic, Belphie does worry you’ll hold it against him, even subconsciously. You cut the tension one night by saying, "You can't kill me, I've survived my little sibling trying to play violin with a chainsaw!" The mental image makes him laugh.

Belphie would be the best brother to consult with if you want to learn to be a little selfish yourself. It doesn’t have to be a complete personality overhaul but there is value in knowing what you want and making those wants known to others.

While taking care of so many siblings, you never had the opportunity to take naps and he is offended! But secretly loves that he gets to show you the joys of a nap.

Beelzebub

Beel loves taking care of others, just a very loving boy. The two of you get along like peas in a pod. 

It’s very easy to fall into old habits around him because he has a personality that makes you want to care for him.

Since he’s so strong, he does fear hurting you by accident. You let him know, “I don't fear pain, I do my school homework upside-down while on a ladder changing the lamp." While it doesn’t totally extinguish his fears, the thought of that total body workout intrigues him enough to distract him.

If you want to fill some time, he would love to have you join him at the gym or come see his games.

Physical fitness and nutrition are fundamental to taking care of yourself and Beel would be the demon to go to to learn more if you’re interested. 

Also, I’m sure you would agree but cooking is a form of love so if you enjoy spending your free time baking and cooking, Beel will follow you around (for the treats lol). He’s said it before, if you know how to cook then he wants you to stay by his side.

Asmodeus

“Treat yo self” is his guiding principle. He is your demon to teach self-care.

If you’re looking for something to do, part of your time can be filled with his routines for skin care, hair care and mental health checks.

Casually you mentioned one day, “"Me, go to sleep? I'm the oldest sibling, I don't sleep, I worry with my eyes closed!"

“MC! You need to get your beauty rest!” He countered. I can imagine that he basically drags you to Belphie to figure out how to sleep better.

Although he has a lot of knowledge to offer, you are quick to pick it up and help him in braiding his hair out of his face or gently applying a face mask.

The fun part of learning from Asmo is that there’s always some new beauty product to try and he loves having a buddy to try it with. 

Satan

He’s amazed with everything you can do. He asks you to teach him how to do things he watches you do flawlessly.

He’s definitely curious to hear about what it’s like living with so many siblings, 6 seems like too many sometimes so 4 times that is completely unknown to him.

Satan was helping with some homework and suggested tackling an easier assignment first, you challenged him with, "Don't underestimate me, I managed to make a toddler spell pneumoultramicroscopicssilicovulcanoconiosis!"

He laughs as he confirms he wasn’t underestimating you, just trying to offer some guidance for efficiency.

You need something to pass time? Satan has enough books in his room to literally last your lifetime.

He can help you find any kind of book, simply let him know what you would be interested in and he probably has a suggestion.

Leviathan

He’s drawn to you and at first he doesn’t know why. Later he realizes it’s because you’re so good at listening where his brothers usually just ignore him.

Games and anime are a great time filler if you’re interested, he’s got all the best recommendations.

It might be tough to get into first if you’re not used to binge watching a series or gaming for hours on end.

When he apologizes for possibly annoying you with his rants you assure, "You can't annoy me, I've endured eight rebellious teenagers!"

I could imagine that you’d resonate with slice of life animes as an introduction to the genre and possibly adventure games with a good story would catch your attention.

Even if you’re not totally invested, he enjoys your presence since you’re not dismissing his interest.

Mammon

Listen, he’s a good older brother! Some of his personal decisions are questionable but he’s dependable when needed.

Definitely king of random interests so your well-rounded abilities are actually well suited to keeping up with whatever past time has piqued his interest this week.

Mammon would probably be confused when you see something during one of his shopping trips that you clearly want but refuse to buy. Eventually he builds it up enough (like the demon on your shoulder whispering in your ear lol) that you do end up getting it.

What you had first dismissed as Mammon being materialistic, you slowly come to realize because of him that you can surround yourself with things that bring you joy and so your days are filled with happiness.

He can get reckless so he appreciates your protection from Lucifer’s punishments and hides behind you like some of your siblings did at home.

He protects you too though! He stands up for you and points out things that are unfair to make you aware. 

Lucifer

Oldest sibling comradery from the get-go.

You’re both very responsible individuals and when you join forces, it’s like nothing is impossible.

He’s the one you go to the first couple weeks when you find yourself with free time. He’s sure to have something to be done to help fill the newfound free time.

Over time he comes to rely on you but he’s worried he’s overworking you with the tougher assignments. You made sure to remind him, "I have no difficulty with this task, I'm the oldest of twenty-four siblings!"

Lucifer recognizes your competence and he excels at boosting confidence and pride so don’t think you are not immune to that.

The more time you spend with him, the more you develop a stronger sense of self-worth and self-determination. He practically gushes pride at the sight of you defending yourself and claiming the value of your time near the end of the exchange program.

#obey me #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me headcanons #my writing #anon requests

[smhalltheurlsaretaken]

Sorry but what exactly is up with the bad batch arc? I've heard people talk about the issues with echo's white skin but I haven't heard that many bad things about the arc itself? (ik you said you don't want to be negative on your blog so I would absolutely understand if you didn't answer this ask)

Oooooooooooh boy. Well I just had a long, long, LONG rant about it with someone, but I guess I’ve got an excuse to put all of my points onto a post and talk about it publicly now that I got an ask x) I’ll keep it under the cut so I don’t throw my salt in people’s face. I really don’t want to upset people who love that arc - it has redeeming qualities, but overall it pisses me off so much for so many reasons. So here:

The first issue is obviously two members of the Bad Batch (minus Echo) being being just about the furthest thing from maori no matter how much you're willing to stretch it. 

Like... yeah, nah. I wouldn’t even accept Crosshair and Tech (grey haired guy and goggles guy) as Jango’s natural biological sons, nevermind as his clones. 

The problem is that their different appearances are justified by them being described simply as clones with desirable mutations (i.e superpowers). But why the hell did the creators have to change their appearances for that to be a thing? How does that correlate? Sure, the concept of clones with different faces is interesting, except... no, no it’s not, and I’m gonna rant about it in a few secs. But basically it's like they thought giving them different faces would be a good substitute for having different personalities (another thing I’ll come back to). If they really wanted to have buff clones with super eyesight or whatnot they could have just done that, without making them lose what little melanin the lighting of the show had allowed the other Clones to keep. 

But the gigantic problem is... showing that the "regular" clones have VERY distinct identities despite their identical faces has been one of the themes of the show from episode 1. Literally, the first episode of TCW has Yoda taking time out of a mission with galactic stakes to tell the three clones he’s with (who tell him they’re all the same because they have the same faces) that they’re wrong, and that they’re very different in the Force, that their appearance doesn’t matter, that they’re all equally unique and important, and he lists all of their individual skills, strengths and weaknesses. 

And it’s not just me being bothered by that, here’s a post by @cacodaemonia​ saying the same thing. 

Introducing the Bad Batch as "unique" clones who are "different" and "not like their brothers" because they have different faces and skills completely breaks that theme of the show!! Because the entire point of the Clones in TCW is that their faces don't matter, they ARE unique! 

(Plus the Bad Batch’s character designs are so cliche and uninspired it’s just laughable to try and justify bleaching their freaking skin for the sake of visual diversity. 

This took like 10 seconds. I found the first guy by literally googling “soldier movies,” and the other two are Team Fortress characters that look a LOT like Wrecker and Crosshair. One is “Heavy” and one is “Sniper” lmao.

And behold:

The above picture is a Team Fortress reference that I found just by looking up “bad batch clone wars,” so I’m not the only person who sees it.) 

And the batchers don't even have personalities to justify calling them unique! They have no character traits beyond the most cliché american soldier tropes ever. We have a token loner sniper, a token "smart tech guy" who knows everything from xenoanthropology to biology to Separatist computers to sound waves to encryption, a token Badass Brooding Leader and a token “dumb muscle guy.”

I dare anyone to find more about their personalities than this: - Crosshair is the perpetually grumpy sniper who looks down on "regs,” - Wrecker likes to blow up stuff and doesn't like heights, - Hunter is the leader and is friends with Cody, - Tech is smart doesn't trust Echo. 

That’s it, that’s literally it. Four episodes about them and that's all we get. These character tropes are literally the least inventive ever. FFS, Hunter even has a freaking KNIFE! Not a vibroblade, mind you, like in kriffing Star Wars. A knife. Against metal droids. Why. They couldn’t make this more of an american-war-movies cliché fest if they tried. (And sure, he can feel electromagnetic waves so maybe it does make sense for him not to carry a vibroblade and maybe this is nitpicking, but he looks like a ripoff of a Predator character and it pisses me off).

Another thing is that when you introduce characters you have to make them likable - and them despising the normal Clones is a terrible way to do that! And they don't even grow from that because at the end of the 4 episodes arc they just see Rex as not bad "for a reg" and they see Echo as no longer a reg, and both of these things are infuriating! 

The worst thing imo is that Echo then becomes part of them (and irreparably loses his melanin in the process, uuuuuuuuugh) when there is nothing to justify this. 

The dialogue goes like this: 

ECHO: You coming? TECH: Not really our thing. CROSSHAIR: Accolades. WRECKER: Yeah, we're just in it for the thrill. Yo! HUNTER: You sure it's your thing? ECHO: What do you mean? HUNTER: Your path is different. Like ours. If you ever feel like you don't fit in with them, well, find us. (they leave) REX: Those are some of the finest troopers I've ever fought alongside. Echo. You and I go way back. If that's where you feel your place is, then that's where you belong.

Echo doesn't feel like he belongs anymore, okay, but why would he feel like he belongs with the assholes who up to the last five minutes of the mission thought he was probably a traitor, and also verbally expressed that he was not worth saving?? In all of the arc, Echo himself never voices that he feels he’s not ‘like the other Clones’ anymore and that he feels it’s a problem. His relationship with Rex immediately picks up where they left things off - the first thing he does upon being lucid again for the first in over a year is cracking a joke for Rex’s benefit. 

Why would Echo feel like he doesn’t belong in the 501st anymore, when we don't even see him interacting with anyone from his past life except for Rex and Anakin (who are both extremely very supportive of him)?? If there had been one scene of a “regular” Clone (ugh) looking at him with horror and disgust or something, or just Kix and Jesse cracking jokes with Echo awkwardly standing by the side not getting it, I could forgive the show trying to make it feel like he has an identity crisis, but this was so shallow!

The only thing that makes Echo and the Bad Batch’s experiences similar is that they *look* different. It’s so against the themes of the Clones I’m seething just from thinking about it. And what the hell? Echo ALREADY didn’t fit in. That was the WHOLE POINT of Domino Squad. They didn’t fit in because they thought they were better than anyone else because they had trouble getting along with their brothers, so obviously it had to be their brothers’ fault (ahem, Bad Batch?). And you know what happened? Domino Squad OVERCAME that. And Echo and Fives still didn’t “fit in” because their personalities were unique and creative, and they became ARC Troopers because Cody, Rex and the Jedi VALUED THEM FOR PRECISELY THAT. Echo having new and unique skills and a modified appearance is the most bs justification for him feeling like he doesn’t belong!! 

And that brings me to my biggest issue: Rex telling Echo the bad batch are some of the best troopers he's ever met. I'm sorry, based on WHAT? What Rex values above everything is loyalty and brotherhood, and the Bad Batch DOESN'T DISPLAY ANY OF THAT. We never see them even expressing concern for each other! Wrecker treats saving Cody’s life like a trivial issue, because it’s just ‘sO eAsY’ for him, and beyond that we never see them supporting each other or genuinely expressing affection for each other beyond boasting about each other’s skills... 

Sure they can destroy a lot of droids, but they're dismissive of Rex's brothers, and the entire Umbara arc and this arc showed what he thought of that. They keep saying things like "not bad for a reg,” don't show any trust in Rex's skills or experience (even though they can't have been fighting in the war for more than a year and a half when he’s been there from the beginning, and he outranks all of them), they are essentially guerilla fighters which has only minimal value in a galactic war, and they never grow beyond their views of what regs are, and can and can’t do. 

None of that should make them good troopers in Rex's book. Going back to Echo not fitting in, remember who taught the Domino Squad the importance of seeing all of your brothers as important and equally valuable? Shaak Ti, true, but more importantly? 99! The guy the Bad Batch are named after. He did have value and was important and was no less of a trooper than his brothers, even though his mutations made him LESS powerful, not more. (And btw, just from a writing standpoint, the batchers don’t have any weaknesses, which is shit.) Cody and Rex mourned 99 as a true soldier even though it wasn’t his sacrifice that brought them victory (which would have implied that he had value as a soldier and a brother because he saved them, as opposed to him having that value intrinsically), because that’s what a fine trooper is to them. A BROTHER first a foremost, someone altruistic, brave and loyal. The Bad Batch distort the meaning of 99's character with their behavior. They’re not altruistic, their bravery is mitigated by the fact that they’re freaking invincible, so of course they take risks (again, see Wrecker saving Cody without a care because it’s easy to him, as opposed to Rex being ready to run into a burning ship about to explode because his brother is in there, and having to be physically dragged away). The Bad Batch denigrate their brothers for being less skilled, thinking their own abilities make them unique somehow, when 99 could barely fight and was still the one who taught Hevy about being a good soldier. 

And again the batchers don't grow from that. Which is all the more frustrating because the original ending didn’t have Echo joining them, from what I remember of the unfinished episodes, and the arc actually ended with them receiving their medals in front of regular troopers who cheer for them, as opposed to them smugly ostracizing themselves and dismissing the ceremony as trivial and meaningless. (original ending vs s7 ending: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ab1eCfzKamw) 

It’s so annoying. Do you know what characters never had an entire arc dedicated to them and still have far more personality and more interesting designs and more symbolic weight?? 

Jesse, for starters. Kix. Dogma. Cut. Slick. Keeli. Ponds. Rys, Jek and Thire. Commander Doom. Commander Fox. Wolffe. Hevy. Hardcase. 

Cody was a more interesting character just in his RotS appearances. 

Waxer and Boil had one episode about them and then only two cameos plus Waxer’s death, and they’re still some of the most memorable, beloved Clones of the whole show. And Boil was grouchy and prejudiced like Crosshair, but he has so much growth that we could make a whole thread about it. 

I'd say the last problem with the Bad Batch is that it has cash grabbing money hungry vibes. Different faces are more marketable, cliché personalities are more toy-friendly, and it's basically a big ad for the Bad Batch series. And they throw Echo in the Batch at the end for bs reasons (again, it wasn’t in the original ep from what I remember) and they tease Cody in the show to make sure fans will still watch even if they notice the lack of soul. And less melanin sells more at Disney apparently. 

So that’s my whole pissed rant. 

#the bad batch #bad batch #ask #anonymous #meta #my meta #more like me ranting #long post #sw talk #anti bad batch #i'm sorry - please don't read if you like them #i don't want anyone getting upset over this #i'm really not out to tell people who enjoy them that they're wrong #there are tons of cool moments and compelling ideas for fanfics for one thing #it's just that I'd been thinking about this for *ages* and i really needed to let it out #crosshair #echo #tech #hunter #wrecker

[fwkei]

Time.

Kazutora x fem!reader (angst/fluff)

CW/TW: Mentions of suicide, (slight) mention of starvation.

MAJOR SPOILERS FOR VALHALLA ARC

Note! Explanation of story at end just incase you’re confused also i apologize for mistakes, i did not read this over. 🙆🏻‍♀️

WC: 3.4k

--------------------------------------

You sat at the edge of your seat. Watching the clock above your teacher's head ever so closely. 

“When you want to find the common di-” 

Suddenly the bell rang, interrupting your teacher from his final words. 

“Oh my bad, guess I lost track of time, anyways please remember to study for your quiz on Monday! I know it's a weekend, but save some time for academics!” said your teacher as your classmates packed up their stuff to leave. 

Today was Friday, meaning it was the day you get to visit Kazutora at juvie for the first time after Keisuke's death, and your attempt. It was 3:30, and visiting hours started at 4 to 5 every Friday for inmates. Running to the metro takes about 5-7 minutes, and walking from the station to the actual juvie takes about 20 minutes, while the ride lasts up to 10, meaning you should arrive there at around 4:10. And there's no time to waste. 

You ran out of class, ignoring your fellow classmates goodbyes. You held your book bag tight as you ran fast to the Tokyo station. Seeing you arrived just on time you jumped in just before the 3:30 o'clock train leaves to a different side of the district where Kazutora is being held. You held onto the rail beside you to keep yourself steady as the train started to move . 

You felt scared but happy to see Kazutora. He most probably didn't know you would be coming, he probably thought you would at most write letters to him, like before, but again...Kazutora believes that you hate him now. You didn't know what you were going to say to him. Draken told you that he already visited him while you were in psychiatric hold for a bit, and he told you that Kazutora was planning on killing himself. Draken did not specify if he told Kazutora about your own attempt but you didn't worry too much because you were healing, and you now had hope.  

Your heart was racing, as the train came to a stop. As the doors opened you ran, and fast. Dodging people to not hurt them and almost stepping on things you shouldn’t be stepping on. You checked the time to see it was 4:01, and you still had about 10 minutes worth of walking/running to cover. 

You were breathing heavily when the Juvenile building came into view. You checked the time again to see it was 4:11. You jogged to the doors of the building despite the fact that your thighs were burning from the amount of cardio you had just done. 

It's all worth it. 

You thought to yourself opening the doors. 

Kazutora sat on the bed of his bland and colorless cell. He signed as he looked up at the ceiling light before turning his position to look at the side of the wall. He held his pillow tight. He knew it was visiting day, and his heart was anxious despite the fact that others had already been called to see their visitors, and there was still no call for him. He didn't even expect any visitors.

Kazutora didn't know if he wanted to see you or not. He’s spent so much time alone in his cell thinking. He wondered if you had figured out the other reason for him stabbing his best friend, you could read people, but he knew you had a hard time reading him. He felt his heart ache. He was scared of the karma that would hit him because of it. Maybe not even Karma, but just some sort of punishment, for causing pain to the soul that cared for him so much, and for not being there for that soul when she needed it the most. Which... ultimately lead to your attempt, which Draken told him about during his visit. He shut his eyes as he remembered Draken's words. 

“I don’t wanna hear you say there is no point anymore. Because there is, and it’s kinda frustrating and irritating how you can’t see it even though it’s right there. She’s in psychiatric hold right now because she was close to ending her own life. After Baji died, and you were taken away, Y/n couldn't take it anymore, and no one could see it because she just...she just kept it in, like you do. She was going to die on Baji’s birthday if I wasn’t there to make her throw up the pills she took. Her and I may not be blood related siblings, but I know she’s been through a lot and has always gotten over it just fine, you know that...but this time...I got really fucking scared.”

Kazutora felt his heart drop to fucking hell at Draken’s words. He felt his breathing stop as his mouth parted.

“I know you love her, I'm not sure in what way but I could care less about that. I know, Kazutora. All those times you came crying to the brothel, crying into her arms, begging for some type of help and she helped you, lended you her body for you to cry on, I’d hear all of it. I know you’re hurting, but if you go, I don't think she will be able to live with herself. She’ll blame herself for not being there for you like she’s always been. Do you understand?”

He felt his body throb from literal physical pain. Kazutora was feeling and getting the punishment he deserved right then and there. 

“You owe it to her, whether you like it or not, to stay alive because she's doing the same for you. And once you’re out of here, you should finally grow up. Let her cry into your arms for once. She’s your best friend, right? Because she deserves for those efforts to be reciprocated. And you deserve to see what she’s gone through because of everything that happened. Take care, Kazutora.” 

Kazutora was lost in his own mind, to the point where he couldn't even register that one of the guards was calling his name from the cell door.

“Hm? I’m sorry I wasn't...uh, paying attention. What did you say?” he asked sitting up nervously 

“You got a visitor, kid. C’mon get up.” said the man unlocking his cell 

“A- visitor?” he said quietly getting up from his bed with shocked eyes 

It was already 4:15. Kazutora grew anxious at who his visitor could be. He was sure it wasn't you, your school is too far for you to make it here in time. There would only be a couple minutes to spare if you did try. Could it be Draken wanting to give him a word of advice? Or maybe Chifuyu.. Maybe Mikey? God, who could it be. It made him feel even more congested and trapped than before.  

As Kazutora walked, he looked down at his feet avoiding people's gazes. He saw the backs of his fellow juvenile delinquents from the side of his eye. His heartbeat became stronger, and he felt it thumbing in his ears. God, he didn't know what to expect. He was just so...frustrated. 

“Here, you have until 5.” said the guard, taking off his hand cuffs. His back was facing you. You grew anxious bringing your hands to rest on your things and skirt, waiting for him to turn around and look at you. You watched as he rubbed his wrists and sat down at the stool still not looking at you. You rubbed your hands together under the table separating you both, as the guard walked away to patrol. Your eyes followed the guard, not even noticing that Kazutora had turned to look at your face. 

Kazutora felt his face get hot at the sight of you. You had a school shirt on, with a dark blue tie and a sweater vest, Your hair tied into a low and messy bun with some of you natural and dyed hairs falling out framing your face. He felt his whole body go warm as you turned your head and gave him a nervous smile as a small blush formed. He didn't know why he was scared to see you, because every time Kazutora had the chance to see you, he instantly felt better, no matter what.

You two, and the other inmates and visitors, were all separated by a piece of plastic with a vent to capture sound better. On the side there was a subsection with an opening to the other side where you could pass things through. Such as notes, toys, hygiene stuff, and extra. You brought your hands to the table holding them.

“Hey...sorry I’m late.” you said as you saw Kazutora snap out of his gaze 

“Oh no I-, please don’t be..” he said waving his hands frantically, clearly nervous

“I had to run about 2 miles to get here..” you laughed trying to not tense up

Kazutora felt… stupid, why would you do that? Just to see him? It just made him even more confused...confused about how he felt towards you. 

“Just to see me? But..why?” he asked without thinking and just speaking, giving a regretful and embarrassed face after asking his question.

“Hm? Oh well it's simple really…” you said bringing your hands to rest in between your thighs on your seat 

“I know that I've told you that I don't like saying these words to people because it sounds like some sort of goodbye but it’s time I grow up from my past, and stop keeping things in..so…it’s because I love you... I thought that was fairly obvious but I don't wanna mess up like I did last time. I want you to know that I do love you and care for you.” you said giving him a closed eyed smile, this made Kazutora realize that you deeply regretted not telling Keisuke that you loved him more often when you two still had time. He felt his heart ache. He felt so guilty and gross.

“So, I’m gonna try and start saying that more often..” you said laughing to break the silence 

Kazutora was still speechless at what you had just said. He couldn’t seem to process it, and he wanted to say it back but for some reason he just couldn’t. He was afraid that something else might slip out. He truly didn't think he was worthy of your love and care. It became quiet. Again.

“I made you a bento box with your favorite things, I made sure to put some extra meat. Cause you always used to ask for that when I would make bentos for study days with you and Keisuke. And don’t worry! It’s allowed and you can have the kitchen hold it for you till you’re ready to eat it for today's dinner, the guards said so. And the container is microwave safe! So you can warm up the entree section. There’s rice and BBQ meat, little octopus shaped sausages and sauce with it! Oh and a salad with sesame dressing on the side, and desert which is just mochi. Every Friday I'll come by, and give you the new bento and you'll just give me back the old one, so that I can wash it and so we don't have to waste stuff.” you said smiling 

Your hand dung into your bag, and you pulled out a wooden bento box sliding it halfway through the subsection, but Kazutora hung his head low. You smiled, trying your best to make things right, as silence grew loud again. 

“I can also bring some mangas for you, I know you like shounen and also horror.. So I can buy some and give them to you so that you aren't bored! This week's shonen jump is good… It’s about a boy who is trying to save his mom, and ends up traveling across lands, with close friends, to get this special potion that will heal her, but I’ll make sure to look for some good horror manga too...I know you like stuff about folk tales, that sound okay?”  

Silence.

After a few minutes you spoke again.

“I decided to let my hair grow out cause I kinda miss having longer hair…There's this really pretty girl in my class who has long blonde hair.. Like Emma’s but longer and more wavy.. What about you? Anything you wanna do to your hair when you get out? I’ll take you to get it done-” 

Silence. 

The time now at 4:40. Kazutora bit his lip out of frustration, refusing to look up at you. 

“Oh! What about I bring over a sudoku book, so you can work on your academics as well! I can teach you how to play, it’s fun once you get the hang of it. Or I can bring just a simple literature book, it’s really up to you, I think both are great.” 

Silence. 

“Maybe markers so you can draw on yourself when you’re bored? I remember you doing that while I would tutor you and Keisuke. I can get big and small ones, and ones with different colors too. Also a sketch book, since you’re really good at drawing.” 

You were met with silence again. You felt your heart ache. Your eyes looked up at the clock and saw it was 4:47. You both were running out of time. About half an hour went by of your speaking, you giving a couple minutes in between waiting for him to speak back, but nothing. You clenched your hands into fists, biting your bottom lip as you looked down at your hands, resting on your thighs. 

You felt a strong feeling in your throat, the feeling you get when you’re about to sob. You were so frustrated, and you were trying to keep a level head. It was hard and you just wanted to fucking cry. 

“I- '' you said before closing your mouth realizing you were about to let out a whine. You didn't wanna cry, you wanted to say something but you were afraid that if you did, it would just come out as a sob.  

“I know it’s hard on you-” you said holding back your sobs while still looking down at your hands, letting your hairs cover your face 

“If you don’t want me here, I promise- that I’m fine with that...but~” you said in between pauses keeping your sobs in, but your last word came out shaky making Kazutora shoot his head to see you about to cry. 

He felt his heart ache once again. 

 “But please….jus-just say something. Anything. At least acknowledge that I'm here.” you cried quietly while tensing up your shoulders 

Kazutora frowned. This was his punishment. Seeing you cry, and not being able to hold and comfort you like he desperately wanted to. He opened his mouth, but closed it soon after when nothing came out. Not even a squeak, or whine, or breath. 

“I-”

You heard him say. You looked up with tears in your eyes seeing his face of desperation. 

Kazutora wanted to speak so badly, there were so many thoughts in his head he just could not push one out of his mouth, and he was afraid he might say something he would regret. He wanted to respond to everything you asked him, add commentary, tell you that you looked pretty today, say thank you for the food you made him. Tell you to not waste your tears on someone like him. Say sorry for making you feel uncomfortable because of his silence. God he just- 

“I love you-” he choked up and said in a louder tone causing your eyes to widen and mouth to part from shock at his sudden outburst.

He was avoiding your eyes as he spoke. 

“I- thank you, thank you so much for the food! Really! And I would really love whatever and everything you bring me.” he said, quieting down towards the end.  

“I...can’t put my thoughts into words… and I don’t wanna say something I’d regret. All this time I’ve just been lost in my own mind. I just want you to know that..that I really am in- that I really appreciate you. I want you..to be here, and I’m so...sorry for making you cry.” he said in between pauses of frustration and embarrassment 

You felt your body get warm, your heart beat was strong and you could feel it in your finger tips and temples. You opened your mouth to say something before Kazutora spoke again. 

“I..wanted to.. Wanted to help you...in just some way...after seeing you cry for the first time...with Baji in your arms….I shouldn't have stabbed Baji...I took the person you loved more than anything...away from you.. Because I was j- because I was so stupid, and still am. Even when you’ve done...so fucking much for me...I- and I took him from you...I just don’t get it… how can you have any empathy towards me anymore.. It doesn't make sense. I took so much from you… I killed Shinchiro, and I killed Baji. You loved them both...Mikey loved them both, why do..why do you even have any feeling towards me?” he said looking into your eyes with tears   

Your eyes softened at him. You took a small breath before saying-

“I thought I already told you why, Kazutora. I love you.” 

Kazutora felt a tear run down his cheek. He knew how much thought came behind those simple words. 

“I don’t need a reason to love you. Just like I don't need a reason to be hungry. It’s just there, and will continue to be there, you know what I mean? Same thing with everyone I love.” you said 

His breath hitched. The time now at 4:52.

“The only difference is I was in love with Keisuke. I still am in love with him. Even though he’s not here anymore. I know you might think I love him and Shinchiro and Mikey because they saved my life and helped me. But I was only so little. I had no concept of it. So was Keisuke. So was Mikey. Keisuke had no reason to come up to little me while I was starving on the ground practically dying. He just did it. He was too young to understand love. You think he understood his feelings for me the second he saw me? Or even with Mikey or Shinchiro. Of course not. They were just focussed on saving my life at the time. We discovered the love that was involved later. Even if it was too late to say anything about it. It took Kei and I about...hmmm..5-7 years maybe...to understand what we felt toward each other specifically. It is different with everyone. The love is just there, it’ll just be understood when the time is right. Like when your hunger just hits you. So when you ask me why I love you, or care for you, or forgive you. I just can’t give you a simple answer, even if I wanted to….because there's so much. Too much.” 

Kazutora understood your words. He really did. It made so much sense to him and he just wanted to scream.

Why? Well.. 

“The time will come where you believe that you're worthy of someone else's love and even your own, and even worth loving someone else yourself. So don’t worry. I’ll wait. I’ll wait as long as it takes. Even if it takes all the time in the world, okay?” you said smiling at him leaving him with shocked eyes

“Alright times up! 5 o'clock!” yelled a guard 

“Well, I'll see you next Friday, okay? I’ll bring over some manga, oh! And don't forget the bento!” you said getting up from your seat as Kazutora did the same keeping his hands on the table as the guard came to cuff them 

“Y/n I-I’m…”

No. He can’t say it. He can never ever say it. Why? And say what? 

Because he will never be him. He can never be like him for you, and he was perfect for you. He was the one there for you. He had the time to love you. He was the one. He could never even compete. Not after what he did. Not after the jealousy and envy grew and brewed inside him towards him. He is filthy. Not worthy of your love. Right? 

But someday, he desperately and genuinely wants to allow himself to be loved, and to love. Kazutora will forever be longing for that moment. And when he can love, and allow himself to be loved, he wants it to be with you. 

But till that time comes..

“I’ll...really be looking forward to it.” he said biting back his words and smiling softly 

“Likewise.” you said smiling as you both parted your ways, at least for the time being. 

------------------------------------------

Explanation/note: when i wrote this, i made y/n be a ‘foster’ siblings with Draken and childhood friends with Mikey and Keisuke. << Reason being is because i gave her a backstory where she was neglected and ran away, hence her having a more naturing personality. Y/n and Keisuke were a couple till he died but Kazutora always loved Y/n so it’s a love triangle in a way? I don’t know, but Kazutora grew envious of Keisuke in this ff which ended up being a motive to stabbing him during the fight, to which he later regrets and gets punishment for. Y/n in the story doesn’t know that so that’s why Kazutora can’t accept her love for real because he doesn't know if Y/n will really forgive him after that, and Kazutora won’t be able to learn/accept love till he admits what he did. Holding in that secret, and being in love with Y/n makes him feel frustrated and act out. And obviously time is the theme of this whole story. Kazutora at the end decided to avoid his feelings because the way things are going right now fro the time being for him are fine because he doesn't believe he deserves anything more.  But that can only last for so long, so he’s gambling with his relationship with you. He thinks of it as his punishment for now, not being able to tell you how he really feels, and not being able to comfort you.

ANYWAYS hope you liked it, sorry if it’s confusing. 

#tokyo revengers #tokyorev x reader #kazutora #kazutora x reader #angst #keisuke baji #baji #mikey tokyo revengers #draken #tokyo manji gang #baji x reader

[tommyspeakycap]

Painted Roses

jordan henderson x reader

word count - 2k I think

jordan takes you back to the place it all began as you expand your life together.

second part to Rose Garden

4 years to the date.

The country house with the long gravel road that lead up to the huge red brick cottage. The owner passed away over a year ago and their family, to Jordan’s utter shock, weren’t interested in maintaining the beautiful home as the wedding venue it had existed as in the past. The second he heard it was up for sale, he placed an offer and had the keys in the space of two weeks.

“Jordan where are we going?”

“You’ll see.” He promises, giving your hand a gentle squeeze where it sat on top of your knee. The blindfold is making you sweat more than you already were. “I can’t see anything.” You note pointedly with a roll of your eyes behind the blindfold. Jordan chuckles heartily with what you can imagine in your mind is his signature smile, all white teeth and crinkled eyes. “You’ll love it,” he says through that smile, “I promise.” His hand pats your knee again as a silence falls between you.

Gravel crunches beneath the wheels of his fancy black Mercedes as the smell of cut grass and fresh flowers enters your nose and makes you grin subconsciously in a way you barely even notice. Jordan catches sight of that out the corner of his eye and his heart grows with joy in his chest. The slow, careful turn of his car, paired with the sound of his hands sliding along the leather of the wheel alert you to his parking. He does so with ease and you hear the keys jangling as he shuts off the engine.

“Wait here,” he instructs, climbing out his side with the door thrown shut behind him. He’s round at your side of the car before you have a chance to think up a cheeky retort. He’s gentle as he always is when he helps you out of the car carefully, wrapping one arm around your waist so you don’t fall. Admittedly, it doesn’t work very well because the ground beneath is so incredibly uneven, so when he gets to that first smooth grey cement step, he opts to simply scoop you up into his arms with ease.

“Okay,” he begins, placing you down as you feel the smooth material covering your eyes loosening and slipping from your face. His hands replace it for only a moment as he presses a kiss to the side of your head from behind you. “Open.”

You do as told and tears spring in place of his hands to blur your vision.

It’s beautiful.

It was that Victorian style country home that once acted as a wedding venue, redecorated to a minimum. “Wanted it to look nice for you, but so that you can give it your touch. You know better than me.” He admits sheepishly with a pink tint to his cheeks. You beam at him tearily, hands clasped together in sheer joy. “God Jordan, you shouldn’t have!” You exclaim, tears bleeding over your lash line. You knew how expensive these types of homes were, never mind ones so big with such history to them. It hadn’t even made much of a dent for Jordan really. He had more money than either of you could ever have spent and he likes to remind you of that to ensure you know full and well his gentle spoiling of you is not a hardship for him. He actively loves to do it.

“Take it as an anniversary present.” He shrugs, trying to fight at the smile that was tugging his lips. The warmth of your hug and the tears seeping through his white shirt was all a welcome to him no matter how hot it was outside. He could not wait to come home to this house, be welcomed home by you and hopefully some littler mixtures of you and him with your eyes and smile. “Makes my present look a little rubbish now,” you jest, making him chuckle heartily.

The house needed a fair bit of work. New flooring, new carpets, your furniture from home would do just fine but you reckon Jordan will be all for new stuff for a new home. A few new coats of paint and nice clear out, but all in it was still absolutely gorgeous.

“There is one room I really wanted to show you though, if that’s okay?” He asks, keeping his eyes trained down on the floor. You furrow your brows, but nod your head. “I gotta grab something from the car first though?” You hum, detangling your hand from his, “And pee.”

He tilts his head like a curious puppy. “Again? You went right before we left?” He queries. You shrug your shoulders indifferently. “Since when do you question a woman’s toilet habits at that point in the month, Henderson?” You poke with a blush and a light giggle. He chuckles with you and holds up his hands in defeat, but the second your out of eye and earshot his shoulders fall and a sigh bursts out his lips. He wouldn’t let it show to you right now his disappointment. You hadn’t been trying long, but it was enough for him to be in the longing stage. Longing to see your swollen belly, longing to feel those tiny kicks against his hands and then hold his brand new baby for the first time, spend all those nights wide awake wishing for nothing but sleep while he cradled them through to the morning. You said it would happen when it happened, but it still ached with every negative test. Hearing you say you were on your period hurt a little more than he had anticipated, but he’s still heart set on showing what he had done with the short time he was able to keep this new home a secret.

You return with your handbag and take his hand. He is instinctive in those soft movements of his thumb over the back of your hand. It’s something he always does to sooth both you and him.

“So this is the master bedroom and I know it’s not quite good yet but I thought-“

“Jordan it’s beautiful,” you cut him off, your hand drifting out of his as you step in slowly. Being cautious of dust sheets and some tools, you walk into the massive room. You’d never been in a bedroom that big and it had blown you away. The huge bed, still with plastic attacked and tags on the mattress. The en-suite bathroom is marble worktops, one of those huge bathtubs and a walk in shower updated to a beautiful mixture of modernity and it’s antique homage. Tears are found again. The window gives a perfect view out the back of the house, rolling fields worth of garden space, loosely fenced in for acres into the distance. There’s a pond on the land a little to the left, not far at all that leads off towards the beginning of the hidden Rose Garden where you met Jordan 4 years ago today. All of that owned and shared by just you and the man you love. “Bloody hell, it’s so magnificent Jordan. I literally have no words.”

He beams shyly almost, “That’s how I feel about you.” He mumbles softly, almost too quiet for you to hear, like he didn’t want you to. “What’s through here?” You call behind you as he trails after you on anxious legs. You carry on through the very short pathway attached to the master bedroom that had some extra storage space. “Well uh..I haven’t finished that so maybe we should just an-“

“Oh my god.”

Jordan rubs nervously at the back of his throat as he enters into the connecting room behind you. His eyes take you in immediately, studying your features carefully. Your hands are clasped over your mouth with slow tears sliding down over your rosy cheeks. Your eyes are afire with love and happiness. “I know it’s weird but-“

“It’s perfect, Jordan.” You throw your arms around his neck, his arms finding you immediately as he buries his head into your shoulder.

It’s the only room with a new carpet yet. It’s soft beneath your shoes, a plush cream colour to match a white wall. The window on the back wall gives the same fantastic view you have in the master room. There’s a white crib pushed against the wall furthest from you with a mobile of twinkling toys dangling above and a baby changing table a little away from the top end of the crib stocked full of pampers and baby cream. In the right corner of the room just by the window is a white wooden rocking chair next to a little book shelf with baby books that had a couple plush teddies and a photo of you and Jordan 4 years ago sitting atop it. The other side corner is decked out with two beanbag seats, a soft baby mat and a bundle of all sorts of soft toys.

“Left that wall blank ‘cause I remember that day you told me you’d always wanted to paint it like the sky.” He recounts, pointing his finger at the wall that the crib was situated next to, making your head whip towards him. He had such a fantastic memory even for the little things you said, just like that. You barely even remember it, spoken under the stars as you’d fallen asleep on his shoulder. It gives you no doubt about having kids with him, the thought of him remembering your babies favourite little treats or ineffective toddler secrets makes your heart soar with pride and joy. “Look closer at that.” He turns you round so your facing that wall again, the one with the little cosy corner.

Painted on the wall intricately above it is that rose arbor your stood underneath when he first laid his eyes on you. Where he first had that dance with you, where he told you he wanted to see you again. Where you snuck into when it was late, dark and only lit by those same fairly lights so he could tell you he loved you for the first time all those years ago. The roses are painted in perfect colour, careful and precise in the way they hung around you for that first ever dance you shared together. It’s so beautiful and so lifelike you that get lost in it, reliving the moment your world came together. Every time you sit there, it’ll be like sitting under real thing when you can’t take the baby out there.

“Well this makes my present a little more fitting, then.” You sniffle, letting Jordan swipe the tears gently off your cheeks with the pads of his thumbs in a slow, loving motion. “What do you mean?” He asks, “I told you not to get me anything.” He crossed his arms over his chest as you rifle through your bag. “Okay okay, here. Open this.”

You hand over a small gift bag, one stuffed with tissue paper he has to tear through as you sit your bag down and wait, watching him with wide and watery eyes. He pulls out first the tiny little wad of fabric and places the gift bag on top of the white wooden dresser, carefully unravelling the rolled up clothes. “That’s bloody adorable.” He breathes out, trying to keep the tears he has inside his eyes to no avail. You wrap your arm around his back, rubbing his tight shoulders softly. “Look at the back.” You encourage, his eyes meet yours then look back to the tiny clothes.

HENDERSON

8

With a little picture taped carefully to the bottom that he peels off with shaky, tentative fingers. “No way!” He booms, jumping back from you in shock. He looks down at the picture, up at you, back down at the picture, then up at you again with tears slipping over his cheeks. “But you said-“

“It was a surprise!” You squeal back as he swoops forward and scoops you into his arms, spinning you around in glee. “So no food poising? And no period?” He giggled out like a schoolgirl in shock. You shake your head. “Morning sickness and just a diversion. We’re having a baby!”

“We’re having a baby!” He repeats, louder. His words bounce of the walls that can barely contain the happiness inside of them. Threatening to burst at the seams as it fills beyond belief. This room, though incomplete, is perfect. Because you are in it together. Here, together in each other’s arms sharing in joy just like you’ve both shared in pain, hurt, love, happiness, nerves and everything else along the way. Head on, together.

“And this,” Jordan holds up the little football strip with his name printed across the back, his england appointed number proudly underneath, “This is perfect. You,” he pauses, leaning forward to capture your lips in his, “Are perfect.” His hands wander down to your stomach, placed gently over where his pea sized baby currently exists, growing and feeding on the love he intends to drown them in just like he does to you, “Both of you…perfect.”

It is perfect, really. Your love is. Even when it isn’t, it is. When he’s gone too long and you can’t see him because of a pandemic; the effort is made, emotions are shared. He tells you he misses you and his ego is never too big for its space in your relationship. When the world is against him or when fate turns against you both, it’s in each other’s arms that you find solace even if space is needed first. There’s an understanding of the love you have. It’s special. The kind that only a lucky few seem to find these days, a one people can look at and spot from a mile away. It’s beautiful, it’s own space taking entity that makes you both target to significant teasing from friends and family alike. It’s perfect.

Even when you fight over what blue is better to represent the sky just because your pregnant and too hormonal to admit he’d found the right colour before you did. Even when he coats you in paint that ends in an all out paint war, thankful you both removed all the furniture before painting. Even when you sob as your body changes, with pregnant emotions skewing your mind and making you question whether he’ll ever be attracted to you again, he’ll remind you that he’s never been more attracted to you than now. Housing his child, taking the aches, the pains and the changes like a true champ while he can do nothing but rub your feet and buy you ridiculous quantities of Solero ice creams. He’ll remind you in more ways that one just how perfect you are to him. Love by it’s very nature is as messy as that paint fight. It’s up and down and all over the place all the time. But the kind of love that you and Jordan have is a special that doesn’t waver, doesn’t dull or dim or change through time.

If anything, each day he loves you more. Even if he was convinced it wasn’t possible. But then it just was. Seeing you red in the face with sweat dripping over your forehead and tears leaking from your squeezed shut eyes as your screams echo through the room. All he could do was coax and coach, trying to tell you how proud of you he was. Even when you screamed that you despised him, he laughed and told you to squeeze his hand a little harder. It hurt, but that was nothing compared to the pain that you were enduring from multiple areas of your body as that baby ripped through you to make her grand entrance to the world, kicking and screaming just like the fighter her mother was. He thought his heart might burst with the amount of love he has, surely that’s as good as it gets?

No. No, it gets better still.

Everyday it’s better. Better when he gets to watch that woman that he loves so much sing to his tiny baby daughter, rocking in that chair under the painted rose arbor as she feeds from you. The most beautiful, natural thing in the world and he is enthralled by it. Watching you giggle at her she coos up at you. Placing her down in the crib beneath the gentle jingling of the cloud themed mobile next to the pale, sky blue coloured wall, blossoms falling, trickling down through clouds from a painted blossom tree on the wall and rose petals in variations of pink and red along the bottom of the crib. Roses and rose petals just like the ones that surrounded you on the day you danced with each other in under the trees of the garden that summer night. Roses like the ones you stood under to profess your love for one another. Roses, like the ones he took a knee beside, beneath and with one in his hand to give to you as he asked for your hand. Roses like you would stand beneath with one pinned to the breast of his suit to say the vows that would tie you in law to one another and to give you his name. Roses like the ones painted on the far wall, still fresh when you shared the news of that baby girl’s existence. Roses that were such an important symbol of the love you shared, pure and beautiful, sometimes painful but always worth the fight. Those roses painted on that crib with space for just one word carved into the wood.

Rose.

Your own beautiful little Rose.

#jordan henderson #jordan henderson imagines #jordan henderson imagine #jordan henderson x reader #england national team imagine #england national team #footie fics #footballer fics #football fics

[deerestapologies]

5 times you called him by a pet name + one time he called you by a pet name

(Diluc + Zhongli x GN!Reader)

Diluc

1. "Oh, hey hon." You greet mildly.

The candles have begun burning a bit low, the long shadows making his pout even more obvious.

"I apologize, I was held up for longer than anticipated."

He produces a small bouquet from his coat, a cluster of wildflowers, and approaches like he's about to give an offering instead of a gift. He kneels by your chair, face stoic as usual, but you can see the worry and shame in his eyes.

You twirl the stems to absorb their delicate scent, and then carefully drop them in your water glass. You cup his face in your hands, and press a kiss to his brow.

"It's okay." You kiss his brow again, "I am not mad." You kiss his nose. "I am hungry though."

You laugh lightly at his rush to sit across from you. An evening eating cold roast was worth being able to spend it with him.

-

2. "I understand your frustration, but perhaps we had best move on." You place a hand on his crossed arms.

"Their behavior was unacceptable, especially for those who would call themselves knights."

The stubborn clench of his jaw tells you just how angry he is. The idiots were lucky to have only gotten the verbal bludgeoning earlier instead of the literal one he wanted to dish out.

"Yes, but you've already made them apologize, and they do seem repentant," the fool knights in training nod frantically, "so why not leave this mess for Kaeya, darling?"

He sighs, but loosens his posture to wrap a protective arm around you. The hell the Knights were going to catch for this was still to come, but at least no one lost any limbs. Yet.

-

3. Tucked into your pile of pillows, book in hand, you waited as you do most nights. Diluc had a late meeting scheduled after dinner, but he promised it was truly to do with the winery and not of the vigilante variety.

So you bide your time, until you hear his heavy boots come up the stairs.

"I'm home." He calls softly.

"Welcome back." You say just as softly.

He goes through the motions of undressing, refreshing himself, and redressing without missing a beat, but his posture seems wilted. You mark your page, and turn over the blanket for him.

"How did it go?"

He heaves a deep sigh, and crawls over to you. Pulling you close, he lays his head on your chest but doesn't say another word.

"Oh, sweetness." You embrace him, one hand holding his face and the other in his hair. "It's okay. I've got you."

-

4. You lengthen your steps, but the increased pace doesn't seem to deter the boy following you. He isn't dangerous per se, but his persistence is damned annoying.

"But, if you'll just listen," he jogs back up to your side, "I just need your help for a little while!"

"I am neither a Knight nor an Adventurer," you cut him off with a sharp wave of your hand, "And you have nothing I want. Now leave me be."

He sputters, "M-master Diluc said-"

As if he's had his tongue plucked out, he suddenly stops talking.

You turn around only to find Diluc himself, a stifling hand on the kid's shoulder. His face is a stoic mask as always, but his energy is thunderous.

"I agreed to help you out of deference to your mother, but you," You see the boy wince as the hand tightens, "failed to listen to a word I said. Harassing my staff and my partner has only earned you banishment from all of my properties. Now go, before I report you to the Knights as well."

You both stand stock still as the boy sprints from the winery back to Mondstadt proper.

"Your going to report him anyways, right?" You mumble, after he is just a speck on the horizon.

"Of course," He finally relaxes his stance to look at you, "Though I doubt Jean will be happy about it."

Your chuckle, already imagining her face when the letter reaches her desk. Heaving a sigh, just grateful for the problem to have moved on, you grab Diluc's hand.

"Thank you," You pull him into a tight hug, "for protecting me as always, angel."

-

5. You gently rap on the door frame to his office. He looks up from his work just long enough to give you a soft smile.

"I was wondering," You lean against the frame, avoiding actually entering lest you get sucked in as well, "If my dear husband was going to come to bed tonight?"

The bright lamp on his desk means you see his blush even from across the room. He huffs an embarrassed laugh, but starts shuffling paperwork into orderly piles.

"I hadn't realized the time, my apologies."

You hum, "It is understandable. But I cannot rest if you are not in bed with me."

You watch as he tucks away his tools, pulls his gloves off, and undoes the tie in his hair, all with a much to pleased smirk on his face.

He pulls you into a delicate, lingering kiss with a hand on your neck. The warmth of his skin makes you shiver. You lean into him, letting him wrap you in his arms.

He chuckles, "Well, I would hate to neglect my husbandly duties."

+

1. The lingering warmth from your bath and the softness of the sheets has you dozing in minutes. You toss a hand onto Diluc's side of the bed, wanting to be present when he comes to bed as well but the ache of a long day is catching up to you.

After several moments you feel a calloused hand grasp your own. You are too tired to properly see, but feel the dip as he climbs into bed.

Still holding your hand in a delicate grip, he presses a kiss to your palm, and then your cheek.

"Sleep, my love, I am here."

Zhongli

1. Zhongli re-enters the house not even ten minutes after leaving. He is patting down his jacket and looking about the entryway in wonder, and you can't help but chuckle.

"Forget something?"

"Yes," he plants his hands on his hips, "I can't seem to find my wallet. I could have sworn I remembered it this time."

You get up from where you were leisurely awaiting his return, and snag the 'disappearing' wallet from where he left it on the table.

"Not quite, old man." You wave it, teasing.

"Ah, of course."

Tucking it into the pocket of his jacket, you tug him closer to plant a kiss on his flushed cheek.

"My apologies, it seems I was a bit distracted this morning."

He tucks a piece of hair away from your face, gaze so blatantly loving you can't help but crash your lips against his. Damn whatever appointment he may have, he shouldn't be so handsome in your direction.

-

2. It is not every day you wake up before him, so you try to make the most of it. You prepare his clothes for the day, just so you can pick out your favorite of his shirts. You start a light breakfast, and brew an energizing blend of tea for both of your sake.

You spend some time simply waiting at the table, content to sip your tea and watch the morning birds.

When the soft shuffle of feet brings Zhongli into the kitchen, you stand up. He is mostly dressed, minus his tie and shoes, jacket loose around his shoulders.

You steer him to the table, and press a kiss to his cheek when seated.

He hums contentedly, still a bit sleepy, "Good morning."

You pour him a cup of tea as well, and his smile grows a bit wider. He tilts his head up, "Thank you."

You meet him half way, pressing a firm kiss to his mouth, "Of course dearest. Do you have anything pressing today?"

A hand comes to rest on your hip, preventing you from moving back to your seat.

"No, nothing more important than this."

-

3. Squished between the mattress and the press of his body, you couldn't imagine being more content. The warmth, the scent, the feel of his breath ghosting across your skin.

You run a reverent hand through his hair, spread loose over his back. It seems impossible for you to be this happy, like you would only read about in unrealistic fantasies.

Amber eyes are already watching you, when you open yours. His gaze is soft, unbearably so, so you look at the ceiling.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

He answers it so easily, as if it is among the many universal truths that exist in his head.

"You must understand," You wet your nervous mouth, "I mean it. Truly, I love you."

You feel his head tilt in confusion, but power on, emotions spilling.

"You are my starlight. My life would be unimaginably dark without you. I am scared constantly by the sway you have over me, but I cannot stand the idea of living without you. I want be here with you, forever, no matter the cost."

You squeeze your eyes shut against the flood of tears that threaten to spill, waiting for his polite retreat. His body lifts off yours and you pull a shuddering breath in, unused to laying yourself bare in this way. He could end you now, destroy you by just walking away.

But you feel tremoring hands grasp your face, almost too tightly. He doesn't say a word, can't, but presses his forehead to yours.

-

4. "Zhongli?" You call into the empty hum of the parlor, hoping it will carry to his office. It's not far, but he gets absorbed in his work easily.

You lean out the door a bit, and try to project your voice more, "Hey, honey?"

The door to his office clicks open, and his head pokes out. "Do you need assistance?"

"Yes, please," you adjust the pile of books in your arms, "Would you mind grabbing this other pile? A client requested reference material from just about every era, and I don't think I have the wing span to carry all of it."

He presses a quick kiss to your head, and scoops up the remaining books with no problem.

"Of course, would you like me to relieve you of those as well?"

"Not a chance, show off, you're gonna have to deal with the doors."

As if to prove your point, he balances the stack in one hand to hold the front door open for you, smile only slightly smug.

-

5. Given how busy your lives were, and his propensity for letting time fly, you figured he would forget again. It would not be the first anniversary he forgot, and you imagine it wouldn't be the last.

It's not like you could hold it against him, especially not when he was so earnest and loving all year round.

So your surprise was genuine when he led you, dressed in his best, to a private booth at Liuli Pavilion.

The food was made by the head chef, as a show of gratitude for Zhongli's long patronage (you send a quiet thank you to Childe), and the service superb. The evening is relatively quiet, you converse as normal but with the additional soppiness that comes from acknowledging romance.

You are especially glad for the privacy when you cannot help but practically ravish the man over the table, his face being too handsome to bear just looking at.

Shortly after, he looks at you with burning eyes, and finally says, "I am quite full. Perhaps we should head home."

"That sounds perfect."

You continue to stare, sappy and sated, as he blindly pats at his pockets, equally unwilling to look away.

After several moments, it dawns on you, and then immediately on him.

You can't help it. You laugh. Hysterically, because no matter what Zhongli is Zhongli.

He's standing now, flustered like you've never seen, pacing the room as if his wallet would be anywhere but the table at home.

"This was not my intent." He huffs, "I had planned the evening meticulously."

"And it was lovely," You choke back another laugh, "But, sugar, you are not living this down for the rest of our lives!"

You are laughing as you pull out your own wallet, giggling uncontrollably as you hand over all the money on your person, and can barely walk you're so light headed when he leads you out the door.

He doesn't once let you go, from the pavilion's steps to your front door. Indulgent to the end, your man.

+

1. It is always a pleasant surprise when your errands overlap. Working nearly in conjunction makes it happen quite often, but still, it makes your day brighter.

You have just finishing bartering your lunch into existence when you spot Zhongli headed your way. Quickly, you slip the chef a few more mora to add another dish.

He is at your side in an instant, bringing your hand to his lips in that coquettish way he has.

"There you are," he lowers your hand but does not drop it, "I've been looking for you, treasure."

You twine your fingers together, relishing the warmth. You snug up to his side, taking the liberty of placing his hand on your hip just to see him blush.

"Have you now?"

"Always."

#genshin x reader #genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin diluc #genshin zhongli #(the chef after zhongli +1: excuse me this is a wendys) #an informal apology

[kpop-dungeon-dark]

REQUEST (Nerd!Felix/Yongbok x You)

•TRIGGER WARNING•

Warning(s): Non-Con, humiliation, degradation, brat taming, watersports, breath play, rough filthy shit. Read at own risk.

"If that isn't our little Yongbokkieeee~" Felix sighed and shut his eyes tightly when he heard the familiar dreadful voice from behind, holding the straps of his school bag even tighter. "Aigoooi~ aren't you in a hurry, foreign booooy?" Her perfectly manicured hand placed on the boy's shoulder, pulling him back.

"Let go, Y/n-ah…" The boy spoke, trying his best not to snap at the little slut. She was so foolish. A fucking clown. A narrow minded little racist bitch. That's what.

"Ahhhh… your Korean is soooo adorable…" Before she moved to stand in front of him, heavy tits tightly packed in her school shirt, the first few buttons up. "What's the rush, Aussie boy? Too proud to make friends? Tsk, tsk!" Felix felt like smacking her infuriatingly cute little face.

"You know it's not like tha-"

"LISTEN UP, EVERYONE!" Y/n clapped and got everyone's attention, the whole hallway of students going home stopping to look at her. "OUR FOREIGN BOY DOESN'T WANNA BE FRIENDS~" she pouted as if it really hurt her. "HE AVOIDED ME ALL DAY IN SCHOOL TOO! HOW PROUD, TSK!" Everyone booed him, calling him names and whatnot. It was terrible.

Had he known moving to Korea was going to be like this he'd have never agreed. They made fun of his looks, his accent, the grammatical errors he made and his English name that he preferred. Even though Felix was using his English name in his documents now that he was all grown up, Y/n had somehow learnt his Korean one and she wasn't going to let him live it down.

"Aigo what a loser" splashing the juice in her hand at his shirt, the girl clicked her tongue and walked away while laughing, leaving the boy in absolute despair due to how badly it stained his shirt.

He didn't want to hurt her because she was clearly fucking naive and dumb but fuck. Y/n was making it fucking hard.

.

Felix checked his room one last time to make sure it was clean and smelt nice with just the right amount of ventilation. Setting his books up on the foldable desks he'd set up on the bed, the boy opened up the other desk too. His mom had asked him if he could teach her bestfriend's child some English as they were apparently in the same year as him. The boy was happy to help and agreed so now his mom's friend was going to drop the kid off at their house that he didn't know anything about.

And who else could it be other than the one and only. How fucking cliche.

The male was unsure of how to act when he heard his mom's voice and another women's before his door was knocked, opening as Mrs. Lee along a stern looking tall and built women in a police uniform appeared.

Felix got up and respectfully bowed to the women as she greeted him back, her friendly smile really unusual for her stern features. "Hello, dear. Thank you so much for your kind gesture. I've been looking for a good teacher for quite some time now but my child is… slow." She chuckled. "Maybe it'd be easier for her if someone her age teaches her…"

"Oh, of course. No problem at all. I'd be actually very happy to help. That way I get to revise too and study from a different perspective, ma'am." He didn't know why, but he couldn't stop the smirk from appearing on his face. Oh. She was trying her best to hide behind her mother but Felix had seen the pathetic little girl.

Oh how fucking perfect.

"Ah I hope my kid can learn well from you in not just academics but manners too… Now! Y/n-ah- where…" Her mother looked for her before turning around to find her hiding, gripping her wrist and pulling her in front of the taller boy. "There you are. Now… learn well okay? Felix will take well care of you" her mother glanced at the boy and he nodded, bowing a little bit as he said of course.

Y/n was trying not to die as she was made to stand right in front of fucking Yongbok out of all! How was she so stupid?! She should have put two and two together! Oh fuck! This was bad! This was terrible for her image! Now he knew that she was looking for tuition and not all that careless about studies as she seemed to act like back in school. And she also wasn't a badass in her private life.

Fuck.

"Be good. I'll pick you up on my way back, alright?" The girl had non-existent balls to brat with her mother as she was a firm police woman and knew how to get brats going. She had gotten enough harsh punishments from her mom to even dare to try. Y/n did her best to pretend to be a good kid. Or her mom had threatened to send her off to juvi or a boarding school! "Hm?"

The girl whimpered, feeling the boy's gaze burn into her very soul. "Y- Yes, mommy." She could only whisper back, head lowered all the way.

"Good baby. Now give mommy a kiss." Y/n could die of embarrassment right now, her cheeks burning as she felt humiliated. Oh she had no idea what was coming her way. This was nothing. Her mother still treated her like a 4 year old baby and not like she was 18. It was so fucking stupid!

"Y- Yes, mommy…" There was no use hiding. Yongbok could see it all and he was quietly observing it. Standing on her tippy toes because of being much smaller than her mom, Y/n kissed her cheek. "Bye, mommy." The copper ruffled her daughter's head before leaving with Felix's mother who was also dressed for work.

Lowering her head even more when it was just the both of them, Y/n held her bag right as she didn't turn around, not wanting to face the smug boy, whimpering when he stepped forward to close his door.

"She… doesn't know, does she?" Felix's deep voice pierced through her soul as he turned around to look down at her now, grinning wide. "Tsk… look at this cute little turtleneck and long skirt… those baby shoes and these pigtails…" Y/n felt her heart starting to pound when he suddenly tugged at her twin ponytails, her cheeks feeling even hotter in pure humiliation. "If only you were actually a good babygirl like your 'mommy' thinks and not a skimpy little slutty whore ridiculing people for no fucking reason at school" clicking his tongue, the boy walked to his bed and plopped on it in a relaxed manner, well aware that he had her exactly where a bitch like her should be. "I wonder how she will react if she finds out that you are actually-"

"N- NO PLEASE!" Y/n finally found her voice and rushed to him, helplessly pleading. "PLEASE DON'T TELL M- MOMMY! I- I AM SORRY!" She struggled, not knowing what to say. This was so awkward and strange. Something she'd never thought of. Fuck.

"Ahhh so you really are an all talk whore, tsk. Acting all cool and fearless in school but actually a pathetic little mommy's baby." Felix chuckled tauntingly and shook his head, eyes cold. Months. She'd been troubling him for months simply because he was a foreigner and made mistakes in Korean. "Come here, let me see. I wouldn't be surprised if you're also wearing a nappy under that cute skirt. Do you need a change?" He teasingly went to grab her arm which caused the girl to stagger backwards.

"N- No! No, Y- Yon- Felix! I- I swear I am not! I am not wearing a-- p- please! Don't do this! I- I won't bother you again! You don't even have to tutor me! Just please don't tell mom!" Y/n hated how pathetically she had to beg him.

"Ah… so it's suddenly Felix now, huh?" The male chuckled before speaking again. "Since I am not a pathetic slut like you, I won't tell your mom but in exchange, you'll have to be good for me. If you oblige, good. If you don't, I'll have to tell her, little one. Because what you're doing will end up harming someone really bad."

The girl desperately dropped her bag, sitting in his feet and holding his knees. "Y- Yes! Yes! Alright! I'll be good! I'll do whatever you want! Just don't tell mom! I don't wanna go to juvi or boarding-" her eyes widened before she slapped her mouth shut. Oh no! She didn't just tell him that!

Felix threw his head back and laughed. "Ahhh so it's like that, I see…" He was enjoying this. Looking down at her, Felix felt something stir inside him as his eyes got darker. She looked so fucking perfect kneeling under him like this. It was getting so hard to hold back now that he had her. "Fine. If you don't want to go to boarding or juvi, you'll have to be my little fuck piggy. And when I say that, I mean it. You'll be my literal plaything and there will be no denying my orders. You'll have to obey and be good like a brainless little slave doll… You will only know what I allow. You will only do as I say. No using your own brain, not that it is very smart anyway… That is the price." He had always had… dark desires. Which was one of the reasons he'd never dated much. But when Felix had seen Y/n all those months ago in school for the first time, he had unintentionally imagined how it would feel to ruin her to the point of despair before building her back up.

And now that he was so close to having it. Fuck. The boy was going insane.

Y/n nodded slowly, tears forming in her eyes as she bit her lip. "Y- Yes, I… I agree. I- I'll be your d- doll, Felix… J- Just please d- don't tell anyone… I- I beg you… I- I don't wanna g- go to boarding or…" A sob left her, his finger catching her tear amidst of falling down.

This was so wrong. But she deserved it. Felix was absolutely disgusted by bullies.

"Don't worry. Like your mother said, I'll take goood care of you." The naive girl had no idea what she had signed herself up for or just what his words meant. "Then… why don't you prove your worth by getting up and stripping to let me see my belongings... And, get those dirty little hands off. Fuck toys don't deserve to touch Master unless allowed." Felix swatted them off.

"W- What? M- Master…? S- Strip?" Y/n was lost.

"What else did you think? Some Wattpad romance where I make you my little sidekick or something before I confess that I've liked you all along?" Raising an eyebrow he pushed her back. "Get to it."

"B- But F- Felix-!"

"It's Master!" The male firmly spoke as he glared down at her, yanking one of her pigtails. "Come on now… time's running and we don't have all day my little toy. You better start behaving before it's too late…" Her sobs and tears satisfied him so much.

Y/n slowly got up with her head lowered, trembling as she stepped out of her shoes, slowly pulling her socks off. "I- I can't believe I am doing this in front o- of you.." She whispered while struggling to not collapse on her knees, literally shivering under his firm gaze.

"I also couldn't believe a person as rotten as you existed." Before he grabbed the hem of her dress, pulling her closer and snorting when she gasped, flinching when he leaned back again. Felix's foot trailed up her shaking leg, the top of his foot rubbing against her covered core before he grabbed the waistband of her panties with his toes, pulling them down from under the skirt. "Ahh… so little girl's mommy really doesn't put her in nappies, I see…" Before he looked back up at her face, his foot resting on the underwear between her ankles now. "Skirt off now."

The girl was wiping at her tears as she shakily undid the skirt before letting it fall, her heart pounding even harder when the cold air attacked her core before he made her pull her shirt up and off, suddenly ripping her bra off which caused her to scream.

"Tsk… you sure are jumpy and scaredy for how tough you act." The boy shook his head, feeding off her misery. "Pick that underwear up." Y/n reached for it when he finally removed his foot from the top of it, stepping out of it and picking it up, even her ears red now out of humiliation. "Put it on your head." Another sob left her as he pinched and played with her breast, loving the authority he had over her.

"Fe- M- Master…" Shaking her head, she tried to back away but Felix wasn't having it.

"What did I just fucking say?!" He snapped, towering over her when the boy stood up, making her cower down before she put the smelly article over her head, biting her lips to stop her sobs from escaping. "Such a good toy…" Felix cooed this time, rubbing her head as he pulled it down and covered her eyes with the waistband, pulling her pigtails out of the sides.

"Fuck… you look good. Just how a dumb brainless slut should look." Fishing his phone out, he smirked. "This proves how you've no problem with being brainless. You look fucking retarded but you're doing it because Master said it. That's exactly what this is about. Obedience" before he suddenly kissed her briefly, making her gasp.

"Now~ smile wide for a picture…" Before he turned the camera on and stepped back, making sure her whole body was in frame. Fuck. Felix was so fucking painfully hard. "Come on… don't be shy" he taunted when she sobbed in protest, making him switch to video instead. "Fine, then." His taunting smile dropped to a firm expression as he approached her, placing his feet on hers before he smacked her face, catching it all on camera.

"Aigooo~" he mimicked her, smacking her other cheek, uncovering her eyes but still keeping the underwear on her head. He decided that it will be a new style for her. "Look at this whore~" Y/n's flushed cheeks now received some more slaps before he placed his hand on her nose and pushed it back, chuckling loudly. "Awww such a cute little fuck piggy we have here… she loves this doesn't she?" When she continued to cry, Felix smacked her head and pulled at the girl's ponytail. "DOESN'T SHE?"

"Y- Yes, Master! Yes!"

"Good girl" pushing her nose back to look like a pig's again, the male spat at it. "Now tell Master you're thankful. Get on your knees and be good."

"T- Thank you, M- Master…" The girl cried out, slowly getting on her knees now. "Thank you s- so much…" Felix parted her legs by his foot, cutting the footage and tossing his phone on the bed before kicking her pussy, causing Y/n to jerk forward, face banging straight into his cock.

A moan left him before he grabbed both her ponytails, wrapping them around his hands. "Now I have a present for you. I bought it all a while back and have been keeping it hidden and safe for when I get a fuck piggy. And now that you're here, I'll give you it."

Yes, Felix was pissed at her and yes, he loved destroying her but he was no asshole. She still had that cute little whore face he adored.

Crouching down in front of her, he gripped her chin and kissed her lips again, ignoring her gasp and kissing her again before spitting right on her tongue. "Swallow it and wait for Master to be back. Face down and ass up. I shouldn't have to fuckin repeat myself."

Y/n trembled as she struggled to swallow his spit, bowing down on the ground, slowly raising her nude ass back up. A few moments passed with Felix bringing stuff over and near her, fumbling with things in his closet before he finally closed it and walked to her. "Aren't you lucky? Finding an owner without even looking. There's so many pets like you who have no Master… or not a good one at least, you know…" Standing behind her, Felix rubbed the lube all over the tiny and thick piggy tail assplug. "Aren't you lucky?"

The girl knew what he wanted to hear so she nervously started, having no idea what the boy was about to do. "Y- Yes, Master… v- very luc- AHHHH!" She could only lay there and weakly cry as Felix laughed loudly at her scream because he'd pushed the plug in, tapping her ass.

"Good piggy~" the male cooed and hooked a thin chain to a small loop on top of the plug, slowly making her sit up in silence, the only sounds being her weak sobs. "Just… give in… it'll hurt less that way and you'll be happier." His eyes were trained on what he was doing, the long chain extending from down her plug having nose hooks at the other end that he plugged in her nose, chuckling when her eyes widened as she located the small cage in front of her.

"Oh, yeah. That is your new crib" Felix was clearly loving this. Kissing her stretched little piggy nose, he placed the pink piggy ears on her underwear covered head, followed by a pink collar that had a small bell attached to it. "You look so beautiful…" Kissing her lips again, Felix attached weights to her nipples, making her whine out in pain as she tried to stop his hands. "Oho~" he swatted her hands away, grabbing the piggy hands and feet before putting them on her, finally folding her limbs and binding them.

"Hmmm… that's like a good filthy little fuck pig." Before he attached a leash to her collar and gulped, feeling his balls ache now due to the masterpiece he'd made, pulling at the leash to have her crawl in the cage before he closed it, chuckling at how she kept tripping. "Clumsy pig." Before he started to take pictures, taunting and humiliating her all the while.

.

When Felix was satisfied with the photoshoot, he opened the cage and walked to the bed, holding her leash and pulling her with him. "Now… the fun part." Before he tucked his aching cock out much to her horror, sitting down on the bed and pulling her in between her legs. Pumping his cock a little, the male moaned loudly as he started to piss on her face, chuckling loudly when she yelled and protested, trying to move away but only falling on her face, choking when he harshly pulled at her leash, forcefully pushing his cock in her mouth. "You better swallow that!"

Y/n started crying loudly again, wails leaving her throat as his hot piss started travelling down her throat, making her choke and gag as he loudly laughed. "What a useless piggy! Can't even be a good urinal." Before he smacked her face again, now starting to fuck her mouth fast and rough, hitting his hard tip against the back of her throat before forcefully pushing in, a trail of piss and spit hanging down her lips.

"Fuck… fuck…" Felix moaned loudly, his cock twitching inside of her and pulsating from how fucking good it felt. From her soft mouth to her tight throat, to how he could see his cock against her skin, her eyes widened when her breath supply would totally cut off from his balls getting stuffed between her lips.

"Fuck… you're no good… I'll have to train you plenty" her cries were causing shivers and vibrations up his cock as he fucked her face up and down his cock by her ponytails, kicking her pussy as he went faster and faster, his hips starting to ache from how much strength it was causing.

"What a dumb slut!" Pulling his cock out of her throat, he kicked her on her back, making her arch her back when the tail plug brushed against the floor. "I need that useless fucking pussy now. It better be worth it." Y/n felt scared and nervous for her vagina now as he warned and crawled over her now, pushing his way forcefully inside, biting down at her lip when he felt her hymen tear and lube his cock up.

"I am going to make an absolute mess out of you." He promised, his deep voice sending shivers down her sweaty body. "My mess."

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I am sorry if it was too rough sjskso you said like bullying gone wrong-

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