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tsukibraun · 3 years

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Pragma Love; Jean Kirschtein x reader

genre: angst, hurt/comfort, fluff

type: series, blurb

summary: you and jean slowly develop feelings for each other over time, but you both quickly learn that love isn’t as easy as you thought

warnings: feelings of worthlessness (you get better in the end tho cause you’re a legend, obviously)

listen to: Crush- Yuna, Usher

part 1/2

read part 2 here!

Self-worth is a tricky thing. You have to know when to be humble and when to humble others. You have to be able to determine what’s just a small flaw in someone’s personality and what’s them trying to walk all over you. You have to have enough love and respect for yourself without becoming a complete narcissist. You have to know what type love you deserve and how to reject the love you don’t like. And when someone tries to challenge your worth, you have to be ready to honestly defend yourself.

This is something you’d struggled with for a long time. It wasn’t easy being able to discern people’s intentions or to come up with a reason for why they treated you the way they did. Yeah, sure, this person could just be a total jerk, or you could’ve done something to deserve the harsh treatment. Maybe you really hurt them without realizing; maybe they’re just reacting that way to defend themselves. They could be a bad person, but what if it was the other way around? You never wanted to assume anything about anyone, but in recent years you’ve learned that sometimes that’s what you have to do.

That was the first thing you noticed about Jean. You witnessed the fight he’d had with Eren in the lunchroom one night. They both retaliated back at each other, but there was something different about the way he was doing it. Eren was clearly angry and wouldn’t let someone challenge his opinions, but Jean- Jean was beyond confident. He wasn’t threatened at all by Eren or his opinions; in fact, it seemed Jean knew he was right, at least in his head, and didn’t mind letting someone know that. He was confident in himself, like he knew he’d come out as the victor; but even if he didn’t, you had a feeling he wouldn’t be too bothered by it. He seemed like the type to just be proud of making his point.

At that time, you couldn’t imagine getting into an argument like that with someone. If they disagreed with you, even if you were clearly right, you would just let it go. ‘There’s no reason to put up a fight’, you’d say, ‘they have a valid reason to think what they think’. Even if they persisted after you clearly would not retaliate, you’d either end up agreeing with them to get them off your back or just sit and take it. Confrontation wasn’t an option and must be avoided at all costs, even if you weren’t the one that started it.

That was the first thing Jean noticed about you.

You were very quiet and laid-back; you often didn’t say much when you guys were in groups. You would just sit back and listen, quietly laughing at jokes from time to time. You weren’t quiet forever, though. After a couple of months you started to open up more; not too much, but it was progress. Little by little you would start to engage in group discussion, agreeing with someone, cracking a joke, or adding to the conversation in general. He thought it was so weird. You clearly had a lot more to say but you just...didn’t. You always bit your tongue and let someone else say it, or just let the idea disappear entirely. He didn’t pester you at first, though. He wanted to see how you would come out on your own.

There was one night, though, where he was really irked by your shyness.

It was late the night before an expedition. You guys were supposed to be asleep by then, but the night before a mission is always a restless one. While some scouts were responsible enough to get some shut eye, you, Jean, Berdolt, Reiner, Mikasa, Eren, Sasha, Krista, and Ymir had other plans. All of you sat in the lunchroom, making casual conversation. It was simple things, like games you would play as kids, things you hated, funny stories from before you became scouts. Eventually, though, you began to discuss your current reality. At first it began with the EDM gear, talking about improvements, how hard it was to use, what you liked about it, etc. Then you came to the topic of Titans. Many different things were talked about here, but there was one question that made everyone tense up: If you could only save your family or fellow cadet, who should you pick?

Ymir asked this question, of course, smirking at the change in atmosphere. This was a very sensitive question for many reasons, but you didn’t think too much of it. Everyone is different with their own experiences and reasons for why or why they wouldn’t do certain things. Eren was the first to answer. “What kind of question is that? You’d save your family, obviously.” No one answered for a while, each person contemplating their answer. “Do you guys seriously have to think about this?” Eren pestered. Finally, Jean answered. “As much as I can’t stand you, Eren, I’ll have to agree with you on this one.”

Everyone else began to give their answers and it started a small debate, but you were still thinking. Jean wondered if you were just gonna sit this one out again, and honestly the idea irritated him. But to his surprise (and everyone else’s) you gave an answer. “I’d save the cadet.” Everyone went quiet and stared at you, somewhat because they were shocked you answered, and somewhat shocked of your answer. Eren in particular didn’t like it. “Are you serious? You’d pick a soldier over your own family?” The tone in his voice made you anxious, but you still decided to explain yourself.

“Well, it’s not like I don’t love my family or anything but...in most cases, the cadet is more important...in practical ways at least. I’d obviously try to save my family afterwards but-“

“How heartless are you?” He interrupted. You felt a lump form in your throat as you predicted the confrontation that was about to ensue. “How could you say that? A soldier is more important than your mother, then? Sister? Father?” You gulped, trying your best not to freak out in front of everyone. You took a couple seconds to make sure he was done before speaking again. “Well...I don’t really view you all as just soldiers,” you trailed off looking at your feet, “I do care about all of you. I don’t hold the people I care about one against the other. I care for each of them all the same.”

“So, in this certain scenario, although I would never want my family to die, saving the soldier is more practical. They’re an extra set of hands, skill, thinking ability- we all know how devastating it is to lose a soldier. Everything becomes incessantly harder. What if they were really needed for future fights? What if they were an important asset? And, if I were able to save them, they could help me possibly save my family.” You finally looked up for a second, seeing everyone’s reaction to your words. You immediately looked somewhere else so you could finish your point.

“Saving a cadet isn’t just saving them, it’s also saving the rest of us. If I were to go after my family, what other things would I miss? More Titans coming? A retreat?A change of plan? And even if I did save them, it’s another liability.” You finally looked Eren in the eyes, seeing his clenched fist and strong glare. “Unfortunately, in this world, we can’t always go after what we want. Sometimes we have to go after what we need, even if that means losing something we want. Our decisions don’t just affect us- they affect everyone.”

A long silence followed the end of your tangent. This was the most you’d ever said in one go, and they didn’t quite know how to take it. They didn’t know you had such detailed thinking, either. They shared glances with each other before some began to speak again. “You know,” Berdolt said rubbing his chin, “when you put it like that, I can see your point.”

“Yeah,” Krista agreed, “I’m not sure I would do the same thing, but I can see where you’re coming from.” Eren scoffed. “You guys are delusional. The only reason you’re agreeing with her is because you pity her.” You straightened up, palms sweating. He could be right; you saw the looks on their faces when you were done. They could just be trying to keep you from feeling dumb. Before you could say anything else, Jean came to your defense. “And what’s that supposed to mean?” He asked, cocking his head to the side and leaning forward.

“You know exactly what I mean,” Eren continued, “the girl never says anything!”

“And so what if she doesn’t,” Jean asked, “she’s not bothering you. Why do you care so much?”

“I don’t-“

“Then leave her alone,” he interrupted, “She’s allowed to have her own opinion just like the rest of us. If you’re gonna get that pissed about it, maybe you should go to sleep.” Eren quickly stood up, ready to fight with Jean again, but Mikasa quickly stopped him. You looked between the two of them not quite sure of what to do; you decided not to say anything more to Eren since you had clearly made him upset. Instead, you quietly tapped Jean’s arm and gave a quiet “Thank you.” He gave you a small smile. “Don’t mention it. You know, though,” he said leaning closer to you, “you really need to learn to stick up for yourself. You can’t be so quiet all the time or else stuff like this is gonna keep happening.” He was so close you swore he could hear your unsteady heart rate; still, you returned his word with a small smile and nod.

Ever since then, you two were close.

It wasn’t necessarily a closeness that was outwardly established between you two, it was just there. If he saw you getting anxious, depending on the situation, he would invite you over to where he was. If not, he would give you a certain look, similarly to asking if you were okay or telling you everything was okay. You sat close to each other during meals; if one of you had a smaller portion than the other, you would give a piece of your meal without saying anything. You made sure you were in eyeshot of each other, whether that be on an expedition or simple training. It wasn’t an obsessive thing, just comforting.

Being around Jean made you open up more. Slowly, you began to be okay with showing others who you were. You began to talk louder, laugh more, speak your mind (with tact, of course), and stand your ground. It wasn’t to Jean’s level, but it was there. You noticed other small differences, too. If you needed help with something, you weren’t afraid to ask for it. You could come into a conversation without overthinking it. You began to speak to other people first instead of waiting for them to speak to you. You could walk up to a group of people without feeling like you were intruding. You were able to really live, now. And it was with his help.

The more you came out of your shell, the more Jean absolutely adored you. Sometimes he would be the one to sit back and observe; he would watch you talk and laugh with everyone and be completely infatuated with you. Your laugh, your smile, your humor, your kindness, your little mannerisms; the more and more he was with you, the more he realized he was in love with you. Completely in love with you. So much so it actually started to hurt.

Although he loved being around you, knowing that any of the cadets could have a chance of sweeping you off your feet frustrated him. Since you came out, everyone noticed your charm. The boys had complimented you a couple times, to which Jean told them all to shut up. He wanted to tell you how he felt, and he eventually would, but he had no idea when. He had to use tact like you did so you wouldn’t be too shocked and reject him, but he wasn’t quite sure how. Although you two were close, he had no idea what you wanted in a guy, especially not how you’d want to be confessed to. You didn’t seem to want much from anyone, but there was a part of you he didn’t know yet; the romantic part- that part of you with anyone was completely closed off. He didn’t want to ask you, either, because it was clearly something you weren’t too comfortable talking about.

He had no idea what to do, which was a pretty rare occurrence, at least when it came to women. Either way, he was going to tell you. He just had to figure out when.

Meanwhile, you were completely ignoring your feelings for Jean. Although you were a lot more open with everyone, there were certain parts you kept from them, even from yourself. You noticed the butterflies in your stomach, a different type of longing for his presence, him popping up in your head at random times. You knew how you felt about him, but you continued to lie to yourself. “It’s nothing,” you’d say, “I’m just overthinking it.”

You’d noticed him staring at you with a certain look in his eyes; the way he’d smile at you, the way he’d purposely brush your hands together when walking by, him being more protective and watchful of you- it was little stuff, but clearly different than what it’d been before.

And you absolutely loved it.

You didn’t notice, but you began to do the same thing. Smiling at him if you saw him sleep, fussing at him if he ever got hurt, making sure he had everything he needed at all times, fixing his collar or hair when it was a mess; everyone else saw it except you.

One day you’d have to come to terms with how you felt, but until then, you’d deny the feelings every change you got.

***

uh...hi!! this is something pretty different from what i normally do 😅 i’m not too comfortable writing stuff like this but i’m trying my best! hopefully this was a nice introduction to this series. anyways, if you read all of it, thank you sm!! i can’t tell you how much i appreciate it. take care and stay safe!<333

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wandaownsthisass · 3 years

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If You Need Me (pt.2)

So this is the second part from the requested anon! I honestly had no idea where to go with this, but a happy ending is confirmed (my heart can't handle angst with WandaVision going on). Anyways, hope you enjoy, sorry it's a lil short.

Warnings: None!

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x F!Reader

Summary: Set after Y/N's birthday party, catching up with friends and your ex.

“Y/N you here?”

Groaning to the voice echoing through your apartment, you finally open your eyes to Steve standing at the entrance of your bedroom.

“Mmm hi Steve, how can I help you?” You say, rolling away so your back is to him, trying to drown out the bright light shining through the doorway.

“Well, no one’s heard from you since last night, you disappeared on us. We were all worried” He says, making his way towards the bed and you feel the weight of his body near your feet.

Rolling back so that your head is against the frame, you stare at Steve confused for a moment before answering, “What do you mean? I couldn’t find any of you. Plus, I dropped my phone in the toilet. Actually, Wanda was the one that helped me get home”

“You talked with Wanda?”

“She didn’t really let me have a choice; you know how persistent she is”

He laughs, “Yes I do. So…how was that?”, he pushes carefully knowing the sensitive topic wasn’t something you desired talking about.

“She apologized actually. For everything. Not that it means anything to me though”

“I’m sure it doesn’t”

“What is that supposed to mean?” You defend, getting increasingly annoyed at Steve.

“Despite how convincing you think you are; I don’t think you’ve ever hated Wanda; I don’t think you could. In fact, I think you still love her”

“Oh? I didn’t know you could read minds.” You reply sarcastically, “Did you also come here to drill me on my feelings?”

“No, I just find it entertaining is all. Come on, let’s go get some breakfast”

Later in the day you found yourself in the company of Steve, Bucky, and Natasha back at the compound.

“You’re lying, there’s no way you can hear us from your room” Bucky cringes, trying to hide his embarrassment.

“Now why would I lie about that?” Natasha is smirking.

“What’s new with you Y/N? We never see you here anymore” Bucky jumps in, trying desperately to switch the conversation.

“Not a whole lot, and yeah, I just decided to separate work and my personal life”

They know that you and Wanda’s separation pushed you out of the compound, not that it was a bad thing, being separate from the rest of the team was beneficial. But you’d be lying if you said Wanda wasn’t a large factor in that decision.

“She’s busy ignoring her feelings for Wanda…” Steve mutters under his breath, you immediately shoot a glare his direction.

He just shrugs, eyeing the liquor on the table as an excuse for his confession.

“Thanks for that Steve, to be frank I am completely over it” You lie, and you’re not sure if you are trying to convince yourself or the others at this point.

Luckily, you’re spared from having to share more, when you hear laughing coming from down the hall. It’s an all too familiar laugh, one that always makes you feel a sharp pang in your chest. The other three send you a look when Wanda, Clint, and Sam enter the living room.

Her laughing stops once she notices your presence, visibly collecting herself before sending you a smile.

“Hey Y/N, long time no see! I’m sorry I couldn’t make it last night, duty calls.” Clint says, giving you a hug as he reaches you.

“It’s fine! Guess you’ll just have to make it up to me somehow” You shrug, he sends you a glare in return until you both smile and sit down.

You can’t help but notice that Wanda is still lingering, debating whether or not to sit down, seeing as the only spot left is right beside you.

“Wanda, are you going to sit down or stand there awkwardly?” Clint chimes, clearly oblivious to the situation.

“Oh! Um, yeah”

You scoot over giving her some room and everyone seems to pick up on the painfully uncomfortable silence between all of you.

“Wanda, I heard you helped the birthday girl get home last night, how chivalrous of you” Steve says, sipping nonchalantly on his drink.

He once again gets another glare from you, “Well she wouldn’t have had to but seeing as you ditched me, I’m glad she was there. I could have been kidnapped or killed”

“Hah, Y/N have you forgotten that you are an Avenger?” Clint laughs

Wanda’s eyes are on you now as you realize your admittance.

“Y/N can handle herself, I just happened to be nearby”

A small blush rises to your cheeks as you make eye contact, her eyes searching your face briefly before returning to the conversation.

“Well, I should probably get going, it was nice seeing all of you, but my quiet apartment awaits me” You say, standing up abruptly.

Saying your goodbyes, you make your way to your car before realizing your keys are not on you.

“Looking for these?” Wanda says behind you, turniing on your heel the red head is standing close, causing your breath to hitch. Wanda notices of course, eyeing your lips for a moment before handing you your keys. “Oh, um yeah. Thank you. Also, thanks again for last night, I’m sorry for being a bitch” She stands there for a moment contemplating and you take the silence as the opportunity to turn back towards your car, but before you can fully turn around a hand wraps around your left wrist. “Wait-I- “ “You what?” “I love you” She chokes out, her hand is still wrapped around your wrist as her eyes search your face desperately for any emotion. Inhaling sharply the words wash over you, you’re not sure how long you two are standing there before she releases her grasp on you. Your mind is reeling, and you hope that Wanda can’t hear the mess going on inside your head. Since the break-up, you had come to the realization that you’d never hear Wanda say these words, not to you at least. It’d been hard for her to open up since she lost Pietro and the Sokovia Accords. You understood of course but waiting for her to possibly come around was heartbreaking. Before you could come to the conclusion together, she broke up with you, leaving with no explanation but you knew why, and you were forced to accept it. “I’m sorry it took me so long and I’m sorry I left. It was wrong of me, I just couldn’t imagine someone loving me but then you came along and showed me what it was like, and I got scared” “Wanda you don’t need to apologize, I’m over it. I don’t hate you”

"Are you over me?" Wanda speaks, it so quiet you almost don’t hear her. A tear falls down her cheek as she watches you. It breaks your heart to see her like this, it was rare to see her so emotional.

“No” You admit, “I don’t think I ever was, even though I wanted to be. I wanted to be over you so badly”

It’s clear Wanda is trying to hide her relief, “I showed up last night to tell you but now in hindsight I realize that was kind of stupid of me”

You’re not sure what to say at this point, but you do notice her lips, suddenly that’s all you can think of. Part of you wants to walk away, be done with her for good and move on. The other part though wants to kiss her and forget everything that’s happened.

Wanda catches on of course, licking her lips teasingly doing her best to elicit a reaction out of you. It works almost immediately, your eyes dragging back up to hers. Her pupils flashing red momentarily before you pull her in.

The redhead doesn’t hesitate, slamming you against your car door, a moan escaping your mouth giving her the access she wanted. Wanda’s tongue sweeps into your mouth as her warm hands reach the hem of your shirt, her thumbs rubbing your bare skin.

Wanda’s moaning against your mouth, her fingers reaching higher now digging into your skin. Your leg finds its way in between her thighs, pushing up against her core and just as Wanda’s fingers reached the edge of your bra, a blaring sound breaks you two apart.

“What the fuck?!” You jump away, crashing into Wanda’s body.

The redhead’s eyes are glowing, “I’m sorry I think that was my fault”, she confesses sheepishly.

You both laugh before you cut her off, “I should probably get going anyways, it’s getting late”

“I’ll call you tomorrow?” You add.

“I can’t wait, drive safe Y/N”

“Goodnight Wan”

#wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff fanfiction #wanda maximoff #wanda x reader #wanda maximoff x fem!reader

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tanzaniiite · 4 years

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OVER IT • TSUKISHIMA K.

requests: CLOSED

warnings: angst galore

word count: 2.9k

this idea has been in my head for the past couple of days and i’ve finally got to write it out, i’ll be back to request killing after this. enjoy!

It was a simple statement.

You didn't mean anything by it, so you weren't sure why your boyfriend was making a big deal out of nothing. At least, you assumed it was nothing. It's obvious that Tsukishima has trust issues, that you were well aware of. But you've known him since middle school. One would believe that you've passed that hurdle in your relationship, right? Wrong.

Being around Kei felt like a being around a time bomb. Most people didn't know what would trigger him and his resting bitch face didn't make it any easier either. Of course, having dated him for almost a year now and knowing him for more, you knew what to and what not to bring up. But like most people, you slip up. Who knew ten words would cause so much turmoil?

It started off normal, well as normal as a study date could be. The practice had ended early for some reason, you decided to not pry about it. You, Tsukishima, and Yamaguchi walked home together. The walk was relatively quiet, with you and Tadashi having a small conversation of your own. Once Yamaguchi went on his own merry way, Kei carefully held your hand with his. You glanced at him and smiled slightly. "Oh, what's this? Tsukishima Kei, showing affection?" You teased, swinging your hands back and forth slightly. Tsukishima's cheeks were dusted a light pink, if you asked, he would swear it was the heat (even though the temperature dropped almost an hour ago). But you both knew that you were the only one who had the power to make him flustered, even if it wasn't by much.

"Shut up. I'm your boyfriend, I can't hold your hand?" He questioned, staring straight ahead. You giggled and poked his cheek, "Nope, not you. It's weird" You taunted. It was all fun and games until he snatched his hand away from yours, which caused a whine to leave your lips. "Hey!" You pouted, trying to grab his hand again. "No, it's weird right?" He retorted, holding his hand out of your reach, knowing it was impossible for you to obtain. He chuckled as you jumped trying to get him to hold your hand again. After five minutes, he decided to take pity on you and hold your hand once again. You glared at him, "You're so mean" You stated.

"Of course, I've got to give my girlfriend the full Tsukishima Kei experience"

The walk to his house was full of playful banter exchanged between the two of you. But the minute Kei spotted his brother's car in the driveway, his demeanor changed. You didn't notice the change right away, "Oh, I didn't your brother was visiting from college" You said, still holding Tsukishima's hand. The blonde pulled his hand away from yours and stuck them in his pockets, "Neither did I" He replied, walking ahead of you.

You followed behind him, now noting the solemn mood that took over. You knew Kei didn't talk to his brother much, after the whole "incident" between them. His mom often complained to you about the gap was growing in her two boys' relationship. You couldn't help but feel bad, you knew it was a pride thing when Akiteru lied to his brother. Obviously that doesn't excuse it but still, you understood.

"I'm home, Y/n's with me"

Tsukishima called out while taking his shoes off with you following suit. Akiteru popped his head in the foyer, "Hey lil bro, long time no see" He chirped. Kei just nodded, not bothering to respond. You didn't miss the slight hurt that flashed on his older brother's face before he turned to you. "Omg Y/n, you've gotten so big since I last saw you! How are you?" He asked, pulling you in for a hug. You hugged back, smiling, "I'm good, how's college life? Is it as good as the movies?" You inquired.

Akiteru has always been like an older brother to you, way before you and Tsukishima started dating. He was the reason you two got acquainted in the first place. Akiteru worked for your parents for a couple of summers. And when your parents threw their annual 'End of the Summer' cookout, Akiteru finally accepted their invitation and brought Kei along with him. The rest was history.

"Ha! I wish, it's hard to party when you're swamped with work but that might just be my poor management skills talking" He laughed, scratching his cheek lightly. "Enough about me, what brings you here?" Akiteru asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Oh, Kei is gonna help me study for a bit" You answered, suddenly noticing that your boyfriend was no longer in the foyer. "Ah that's good, well I'll let you get to it. Wouldn't want to keep Kei waiting, I think we both know he doesn't have a lot of patience" Akiteru said, whispering the last part causing you to giggle. You waved to the eldest Tsukishima brother as you made you way upstairs to Kei's room.

You opened the room door before closing it gently behind you. Your blonde boyfriend was already at his desk, reading a textbook, his headphones snuggly placed on his head. You walked over to him, lifting one side of his headphones, "Thanks leaving me alone with your brother" You whispered in his ear before pulling away and sitting on his bed.

Tsukishima took off his headphones and turned to look at you, "Sorry, it didn't look like you minded" He replied back. You took note of the snarky tone he used, he's annoyed with you for speaking to his brother. You mentally rolled your eyes, how petty. "My bad, maybe it's because I haven't seen the dude in almost a year" You muttered while rummaging in your bookbag. Tsukishima just stared at you before turning back to his textbook.

You two did work in silence for a good ten minutes before you spoke up. "Are you still mad at Akiteru?" You asked randomly. You knew this was a sensitive topic for your boyfriend but the tension you felt in the foyer earlier wasn't imaginary. "Who said I was mad at him?" Tsukishima inquired, not bothering to look at you. "Uhh, says the tension that was in the air the minute you saw his car" You retorted, looking up from your own textbook.

There was a short pause before he responded, "Well no. I'm not mad at him. Annoyed? Yes. Mad? No" He replied curtly. You knew you could push a few more questions before Kei got to his breaking point. "Well, why? What did he do this time?" You asked, resting your chin on your hand. "Nothing" Kei stated with a note of finality in his voice. Signaling to you that he didn't want to speak about his brother anymore.

But you didn't care. You knew what this was really about, and against your better judgment, you decided to push your agenda. "Clearly, it's something. You don't give dry ass responses to your brother for no reason Kei" You spoke, the textbook in your lap long forgotten. Tsukishima scoffed, "Please. I give dry responses to everyone". You raised an eyebrow, "You don't give dry responses to me" You insisted.

"You're different. Plus I did give you dry responses when I first met you" He claimed, still staring intently at his textbook. You sighed heavily. "Kei, you can't keep holding on to what your brother did. Yeah, it was wrong but he apologized and it happened years ago–" You started before you saw Tsukishima's hand curl into a fist. "Don't speak on things you know nothing about" He said, through gritted teeth.

You narrowed your eyes, was he fucking serious? "What the hell are you talking about? I was there Kei! So was Tadashi and that other kid, I know what I'm talking about" You argued. Finally, for the first time in this whole conversation, Tsukishima turned to face you. If looks could kill, you would be dead on the spot. His honey-colored eyes glared at you and his eyebrows were furrowed causing creases between them.

"Clearly, you don't. If you did, you would know it's not that easy for me to let something like that go. He lied, Y/n" Kei snapped, his glare not once faltering. "Everybody lies Kei. You're smart enough to know that also applies to your brother" You explained, staring at the blonde in disbelief. Why was he so adamant about holding on to this? What was the problem? "That's not the point." He huffed, turning around again.

"Then what is the point Kei?"

Tsukishima just shook his head, returning to his work. You blinked, was he ignoring you now? Wow, so childish. You huffed through your nose and picked up your discarded textbook, "I seriously can't believe you haven't gotten over this yet" You uttered, flipping the pages to the right chapter.

And there it was.

The time bomb finally stopped ticking.

Next thing you knew, Tsukishima slammed his textbook shut and swiveled around in his chair at the speed of light. His face was red and he was shaking, in what you assumed was anger. This, however, wasn't an unfamiliar sight. You and Kei have argued before and you guys would argue again. You were both fireballs, and you know what they say about fighting fire with fire...

"Get out."

"I'm sorry, are you having a tantrum?"

"I said: GET OUT!"

You flinched slightly at his raised voice. You watched how his anger subsided for a hot second before he sat down and returned to his textbook. All you could do was scoff and pack your stuff. He always did this, you always tried to help him. Always tried to get him to open up and what did you get in return? Anger, that's what you got. Every fucking time. You zipped up your bag and flung it over your shoulder before storming out of his room, slamming the door behind you.

You put your shoes on as fast as you could, but it was a little hard to do so with the tears clouding your vision. "Hey" Akiteru spoke softly, sitting next to you on the stoop. You sniffed, "Hey. Kei and I finished studying. So I'm leaving if I could get this stupid shoe on–" You claimed, as you struggled to get your left shoe on. Akiteru took your shoe from you, "I heard you and Kei arguing... you don't need to defend me y'know" He stated as he helped you slip on your shoe with ease.

"I know but he's being such a dick about it. You already apologized, what more does he want?" You asked rhetorically, wiping the tears in your eyes. Akiteru only shrugged, "I don't know what he wants. But I do know he has every right to be upset with me. I lied to him for three years, I would be mad at me too" He spoke, whispering the last part.

"You had a good reason tho–"

"But that doesn't make it okay"

"I know but–"

"Y/n. Kei will forgive me on his own time. I can't force him and neither can you. All I can do is wait and all you can do is support him. I get the feeling he isn't pleased with his girlfriend siding with his brother" Akiteru joked lightly. He gently patted your knee before standing up and stretching.

"Now c'mon, let me drive you home"

The next week was a nightmare. Tsukishima didn't speak to you and vise versa. If he wanted to be an asshole, then so be it. He'll never catch you trying to help him again. But... you'd be lying if you said you didn't miss him. You missed how he would walk you to class, how you two would sit in the courtyard together for lunch, how you would walk him to volleyball practice before going to the library to wait for him. The list goes on, Kei was a big part of your life whether you wanted to admit it or not.

"Y/n! Y/N!"

You turned around to see blue and orange bounding toward you at full speed. You quickly step sided before they collided into you. "Hey Hinata, Kageyama, what's up?" You asked, looking at the two boys trying to catch their breath in front of you. Suddenly they both bowed simultaneously, "Please tutor us!" They asked in unison. You chuckled nervously as students passing by gave you three weird looks. "Uh.. sorry guys but my marks are fairly average. I don't think I'll be any help to you" You claimed, rubbing the back of your neck.

"Please? Tsukishima won't tutor us anymore! He's been a real jerk lately" Hinata huffed, his cheeks puffing out slightly. "More like an asshole" Kageyama commented before quickly stuttering out, "S-Sorry! I know he's your boyfriend–". You held up your hand, "It's okay, I know. He's been the same way with me. I could tutor you guys before practice if you want?" You suggested.

"Yes! Thank you so much Y/n! You're the best!"

Hinata hugged you tightly and you patted his head. "You're welcome Hinata, I'll meet you guys at the gym later" You confirmed, before pulling away and walking to your next class.

Why did you agree to this again?

You loved Hinata and Kags, you saw them as little brothers but.. these boys are idiots. You wanted to tear your hair out. Letting out an exasperated sigh, you tried to explain the formula to them one more time. "Come on guys, it's not that hard" You claimed, leaning your head in your hand. The gym floor was hurting your butt and you couldn't wait for Daichi to show up so you could leave.

Not to mention, you wanted to get out of here before he who shall not be named shows up. "I'm sorry Y/n, I just don't get it," Tobio said, erasing his paper for what seemed like the hundredth time. You sighed, "Y'know what? It's fine. We'll pick this up again tomorrow, you guys have to get ready for practice anyways" You stated as you started packing your stuff. The boys nodded following suit.

You bid them goodbye as you left the gym. Once you turned around to head home, the last person you wanted to see was standing a few feet away from you. Tsukishima stared at you, his eyes widen by a fraction, probably surprised as to why you were in the gym. Next to him was his right-hand man, Yamaguchi. Tadashi just looked between the two of you before heading off to the club room on his own. You didn't blame him, the tension in the air was thick.

"Hey stranger"

"Hey."

You walked to Tsukishima, deciding enough was enough. As much as you hated to admit it, you missed your sarcastic bean pole of a boyfriend. When you stopped right in front of him, he nodded towards the gym, "What were you doing in there?" He asked. Ugh, you got a migraine just thinking about it. "I was trying to teach your friends some math turns out I overestimated how smart they were," You said, looking up at your boyfriend. "Yeah? Well, that was your first mistake" He replied, the smallest of smirks gracing his lips.

You smiled sadly, looking down at your feet, "I miss you" You muttered. You fully expected Tsukishima to pretend to not hear you and make you repeat yourself like he always did. And you two would makeup and all would be good again. But.. he didn't do that. Kei lifted your chin with his fingers to make you face him. He then wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close to him. You, of course, hugged him back as he mumbled something against your hair.

You stifled a giggle as you leaned back to face him. "I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that. Can you repeat that?" You asked sweetly. "Really Y/n?" He groaned. You nodded, looking at him expectantly. Kei rolled his eyes before looking at you seriously, "I missed you too. And I'm sorry for being a dick" He apologized, kissing your forehead tenderly. A small pout formed on your lips, "Why are you sorry? I pushed you and that's on me. You'll forgive Akiteru on your own time, and I'll support whatever you do. Whether that's giving him forgiveness or the silent treatment" You declared, holding his face in your hands.

Tsukishima rolled his eyes, "Stop being so dramatic, it's annoying. But, you were right. I can't be mad at him forever. He's been trying to make things right since then and I guess I pity him" He explained, still holding you in his arms. "Hm. Well, take it slow, there's no rush. Akiteru will be happy either way. Now go to practice, you're late" You scold, pulling away and pushing your boyfriend towards the gym. Kei grabbed your hand before you walked off, "Hey Y/n?". You hummed in response looking back at him. Your heart skipped a beat as he looked at you with nothing but love and admiration in his eyes.

"I don't what I'd do without you, so thank you for being in my life"

You smiled widely, pressing a soft kiss to Kei's lips, "Aw, look who's being dramatic now".

In the end, you never found the answers to your questions. And that's okay. Because you'll support Tsukishima in all his endeavors, petty or not. Because that's what partners do for each other. Tsukishima wasn't over his brother's betrayal and even though you didn't really understand why... that was okay. Because this was about him, not you.

And so, you got over it.

449 notes · View notes

hoshalicious · 4 years

Text

seventeen’s reaction to you being discouraged by antis.

@cutekitty145 asked: How would Seventeen react their idol friend or s/o getting disrespected for either being chubby, having a darker skin tone, being half Korean, fully foreign all together or having their own (fashionista) stype choices. Like who would be the most angry or upset? Who would stand up for them or at least defend them? (Cause SVT is well known for standing up for those who are less fortunate and that can't stand up for themselves). Hope this makes sense!! Sorry if it doesn't!! 💕 Love your blog!!! 💕

seungcheol. dispatch was the reason why the relationship between you and seungcheol became public. he didn’t want this to happen, he was angry at himself for not being careful enough. but it was also the time to see which fan supported him and which didn’t. when he sees an anti making remarks about you and your skin color, and he started to feel angry.

sometimes he asks joshua to translate some english tweets about you, and he was not having it. he decided to make a statement regarding his relationship with you as he expresses his anger about the racist remarks about you.

“a person is a person, regardless what color of their skin is. if you can’t accept the fact that we are all human, then don’t even bother posting about my own relationship. there are multiple reasons why i love y/n, but seeing the people who support me talk shit about them, that is very unacceptable. i’m very disappointed.”

jeonghan jeonghan is known for his smart remarks, and he won’t hesitate to use it towards anyone who talks bad about you. he knew the consequences for dating someone since he’s an idol, but he will not hold back. you and jeonghan were walking in the streets of seoul now that the relationship was revealed in public. there are some cases where some people don’t even recognize jeonghan, so korean men were looking at you and discriminating your skin color not knowing him as an idol.

“they look dirty. what the hell are people like them doing around korea?”

“their dark skin’s ugly.”

jeonghan can hear your sniffling, and asked you what’s wrong in korean. you told them that you can hear comments about you and he emphasized with his whole chest loud and clear,

“don’t worry, y/n, you’re very, very beautiful !! those men are irrelevant, they don’t see what i see. i’ll buy you some ice cream to make you feel better!”

joshua as an american who was born and raised in los angeles, he doesn’t hesitate to stand up for you when discrimination is being used around you. he is almost always aware that, especially when he usually hangs out with vernon. you and joshua decided to go to the grocery store to buy some snacks to binge on for a movie night, but you see two women at the same aisle. then they see the cart full of snacks, they began to pick on your weight, as well as your skin tone. you’re a foreigner and you felt so used to the rude comments, but the two women made you feel bad about yourself.

“i don’t know about you, but i’d rather have a partner who love theirselves and that’s all that matters. as an american, that’s being rude to me too. disgusting.” joshua blurted out before he held your hand and dragged you out of the aisle.

junhui jun seems like he is always careful about how you feel about yourself. he didn’t care what people think of him, and he tries to make you feel better when it comes to your insecurities. when his relationship with you went viral, there were some negative comments in chinese about how your skin is darker then his and how you have a curvy body due to your thighs. you don’t understand chinese, so you speak to him in korean.

he didn’t want to translate the comments to you. he knew you’d be miserable.

“this is the person who motivates me everyday, laughs at my dumb jokes, who is willing to learn my native language, and tries to love theirselves. if you can’t love them as much as i do, then i’m sorry. there is nothing i’m going to do about it.”

soonyoung. he absolutely loves to see your bright smile and wants to make you happy 24/7. one of the things he fears was seeing you come back home crying because of racist marks being pointed at you. he was finally off one day, and decided to grab some ice cream with you before deciding to eat in. soonyoung was practically starving and you were craving some sweet at the moment. so you’re standing in front of soonyoung waiting in line for some ice cream when suddenly, soonyoung hears two guys behind him talking about your weight and how you don’t fit into korea’s beauty standards.

he turned around, and scolded, “i fucking dare you to say that shit one more time. what a disgrace. y/n, we’re leaving.” as he grabs your hand, and proceeds to get out of line as he tells you he’ll buy you ice cream elsewhere.

wonwoo. you and wonwoo are on a train on your way back home from shopping. you’re a halfer, but you look more like a foreigner than you are korean. you both sit down in a chair beside each other, and waited until you arrive at your stop. you were looking around while wonwoo snoops on his phone checking his messages on the members. there were three guys on the other side of the train talking about how they hated your dark skin and how you would look a whole lot better with a lighter tone. wonwoo looked up from his phone and stared at the guys, literally fuming from their rude remarks.

“do you hear this shit, y/n?” he said. when the guys heard wonwoo talking to you in korean, they were shocked and became completely silent.

“yeah..i don’t like it..fuck korean beauty standards.” you say before you almost broke down as soon as your train stop arrived. wonwoo held your hand and placed many kisses, instantly making you feel better.

jihoon. he also is one of the members that won’t hesitate to defend for you. you’re one of jihoon’s best friends and you also compose seventeen’s songs with him and bumzu. when people found out what you look like as one of pledis’ composers, people were talking bad about how you’re foreign and how they hated your dark skin. someone even whitewashed you in photos and jihoon was clearly upset seeing photos of you in negative ways. he has threatened the people posting them and the posts were deleted not too long after.

he didn’t want you to see the posts and feel so upset about yourself. you have gone through so much racism when you moved to korea, and he didn’t want you to feel worse than you did before.

seokmin. when it came to any sensitive topics, he either tries to keep you away from them, or confronts anyone about it whenever he has the confidence to do so. he has a huge crush on you, so he tries to make you as content as possible. you and seokmin decided to go out and walk at the park to get some fresh air and as you’re walking and eating your ice cream, seokmin can hear a couple of guys from the bench how a handsome guy like him likes to hang out with someone as ugly as you.

he was mentally fuming with rage as he looks at you. it seemed that you didn’t hear the guys, so he looked at the guys with an intimidating glare and they stopped and hesitated. they bowed to him to apologize as you and him keep walking.

he was glad that you didn’t hear what they said about you, but he couldn’t stand being in the park anymore.

mingyu. you’re on the train alone as you’re on your way to visit mingyu. when you were minding your own business, you hear a couple of older ladies how you should go back to your country and how you don’t belong here in korea. you slowly feel tears coming, so you try to hide your face as you decided to call mingyu. you were happy that you’re about to arrive, and unfortunately, some people see your gloomy state and everyone suddenly got quiet.

“hello--y/n what’s wrong??” mingyu said.

“it’s nothing. there’s people talking about me again and i hate this racism so much.”

“huh?? i swear i hate when people talk shit about you, who do i have to speak to, who the hell is talking bad about you, do you need me--” you don’t have him on speaker but mingyu’s voice was so loud that the older ladies were quiet and strangers were looking at them.

you got out of the train and you hear someone say how scary mingyu was on the phone.

minghao. you and minghao went hiking out in the mountains and you both chill at the top with other people checking out the view. you both took a selfie together before he wanted to check out another part of the mountain for the view. you look back at the selfie and you hear a couple of women making fun of your skin. you felt extremely insecure and you were deep into your thoughts that you didn’t notice minghao walking back to you.

when he sees you making yourself look lighter, he widen his eyes are yelled,

“y/n, what are you doing !? you have beautiful skin, you don’t need to change the filter !! who was talking shit ??” the girls quickly moved from their spots as you smiled at him.

seungkwan. he’s a starring guest in a variety show, and the topic came to how the hosts see some pretty foreigners around seoul. they do joke around about some certain people they saw, but seungkwan mentions your struggles living in korea, to how even though some people call you beautiful and he explains how there times that you refuse to go out because of the racism you have to face living there. he’s saddened by this and spreads how everyone should treat everyone with respect, no matter what their race and religion they identify as.

“i love y/n very much. no one deserves the negative treatment she receives, i don’t want her to think that us koreans are bad people. please everyone, even if they’re not from here, give them comfort around their surroundings !”

vernon. he experiences racism himself ever since he was small since he’s half korean. but whenever he sees you being mistreated, he tries every way possible to make you feel better. he reads to you the lyrics for their upcoming album, tells how how cute and beautiful you are, and how you don’t need to change yourself. he just doesn’t have the guts to tell you that he likes you more than a friend. seeing how you are now is his reason why he loves you so dearly.

“don’t worry, y/n, don’t change yourself how you are now. you are unique and beautiful and i wish people can see you the way me and the members do.

chan. he honestly thinks you’re the prettiest girl he had ever laid eyes on. joshua tells him that you haven’t been feeling well due to people making fun of your weight and skin. he thought about how people are so blind to how you wanted to being a bit bulk rather than being really skinny and small. the next day, he wanted to remind you that he loves your tan skin and how you’re improving your health very well. he expresses that he loves seeing you happy how you are now, and it boosted your self-esteem a whole lot more than it was yesterday.

he feels like being with you is the reason why he’s slowly seeing the positive sides of foreigners. you’re always sweet to him and he never thought he’d fall in love with you this much.

“i hope you’re eating well, y/n! don’t listen what other people say about you, you are beautiful. i don’t understand why people hate your skin, it glows !”

bae; april 17th, 2020

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fuckedurbias · 5 years

Note

got7 reaction;; angry sex??

A/N; sorry that this isn’t a reaction, I don’t even know what to call this, I just got a bit carried away I think. but pls still enjoy!! it was a lot of fun to write.

Mark:

He squeezed your thigh that was laid across his lap as he watched you rant on and on about your shady manager at work.

“He never trains any of the new staff, he just throws them in there. It’s so stressful for us to try and teach them when it gets so busy and we have our own stuff to do, and they’re also stressed as fuck because its their first day on the job and they’re just standing there watching the shitstorm happen” You rant without taking a breath. Mark just watches you rather lost, but still nodding in agreement to keep you from losing your shit further.

“AND to top it all of, he suddenly finishes “doing stocktake” when it calms down outside, AND when the boss comes to check how everything’s doing, he takes all the credit for OUR work, he drives me insane” you finally breathe. Mark chuckles a little at how you’re just sitting there with your arms crossed with the biggest pout ever.

“Please don’t hit me but, you’re so cute when you’re mad” Mark smiles, rubbing your thigh with his thumb.

“I’m NOT cute” you softly whack his arm.

“Fine then, sexy” he smirks.

“Please don’t do this to me right now, Mark” You sigh, giving him a look that only he understands. You bite your lip at him, as he just chuckles at your sudden neediness. You lean forward and run your hand up under his shirt, balling it into a fist at his chest.

“Please, fuck this ugly anger out of me” you whine. Mark slides his hand up your thigh agonisingly slow as he slowly kisses you, stopping at the zipper of your pants.

jaebum:

“I’ve really fucking had it”, Jaebum seethes. You were only talking to him over the phone but you could see his face in your mind. “They ask me to show them songs I’ve made that could possibly be used for a title track, ask me to change parts of them, which I do and only for them to completely reject all of them. It’s fucking ridiculous”. You know that in this situation it’s best to just ‘mhm’ in agreement until he’s finished ranting. It really was frustrating, you see how much work Jaebum puts into his songs, staying up all night until they’re finished all the way. He finished ranting and you could hear his car engine revving up.“I know you’re furious right now but please don’t speed hon” You warn softly.

“I’ll try not to”, He says, monotone. You roll your eyes a little. “But listen baby, I really need you to be ready for me when I get home, can you do that for me?”

You bite your lip.“Yes”

“In my favourite set?”

“Yes”

“Good girl, see you real soon”

jackson:

He had had enough. He was sitting on the edge of the bed beside as you were laying there listening to him rant on about how overworked he is being.

“Everyone just expects so much of me, and it’s so frustrating, they really don’t see me as a person. Just a product” he said, almost yelling. You just nodded in agreement as he kept going.

“They knew I was releasing a new song in China yet the company still timed the comeback preparations at that same time, I can’t just keep going back and forth like that. How will I get time to even eat properly, I can’t just postpone my Chinese song release ” he sighs in frustration, running through his hair. It really was unfair, seeing him like this made you so frustrated for him. He was already overworked a lot, most of the time by his own choice so when he was mad about it, you knew it must be really bad and stressful. He had stopped ranting and just had his head in his hands. Your heart broke.

“I wish I could help you”, you frowned, moving to sit in his lap. You stroked his hair as he wrapped his arms around your waist leant his head against your shoulder.

“I need you” he whispered, lifting his head up to kiss your jaw. You looked at him, understanding immediately.

“You have me baby, any way you want” You smiled, sliding off his lap and onto the floor to kneel in front of him. He smirked down at you, unbuttoning his jeans.

jinyoung:

You’d taken him on a holiday back to your hometown, you were walking through the city at night admiring the beautiful view and lights, taking heaps of cute photos both together and of each other. Jinyoung was taking cute photos of you in front of the river with the city night view behind you, when suddenly a man walked in front of you and made a really inappropriate, crude comment about you. You stood there in shock while Jinyoung immediately barked back at him, getting infuriated very quickly. He slowly walked over to you, never taking his eyes off the man as the man walked away smirking at the both of you.

“Are you okay?” Jinyoung asked, taking your hand in his and very tightly.

“Yes, just a little grossed out” you said quietly, cautiously watching the man as he disappeared out the streetlights and into the distance.

“The photos came out really cute though” He sighed, brushing a bit of hair out of your face. You smiled softly up at him, trying to stay positive and help to keep him from getting too angry.

You guys went to get crepes after that, trying to cheer up. Jinyoung never let his tight grip on your hand go the whole time, even when eating his crepe. It was clear he was still really pissed off from the whole situation, only smiling slightly when you did/said something in an attempt to lighten the mood. The walk back to your hostel was rather silent since all your attempts to cheer Jinyoung up didn’t go as well as you’d hoped, it seems his grip had become even tighter. Walking into your room and dropping your bag on the floor, you just sat on the bed next to him and sighed.

“Jinyoung, please don’t let that disgusting excuse of a man ruin our night”

“I’m really trying not to but it just angers me so much, you don’t deserve that. It makes me so mad people like that still exist and get a rise out of harassing people and making them uncomfortable” He seethes, brows furrowing tightly.

“I agree, but he’s gone now and I won’t let him make me feel gross and disgusted anymore”. Jinyoung pats his thigh for you to sit in his lap, and you straddled him, wrapping your arms around his neck.

“You know how beautiful, amazing and worthy you are right? Don’t ever feel degraded by people or comments like that” he said monotone, staring into your soul. You just smiled at him as he leaned down to kiss your neck, kissing down slowly. You moaned and threw your head back as he started to nip and suck at your sensitive spot, tightening his grip on your hips. Jinyoung was about to show you just how amazing you are to him.

youngjae:

He had come across some mean comments by accident, they weren’t too bad just some snarky knetz undermining his groups work and saying that they ‘clearly don’t work that hard if they still sound and look like THAT on stage’ and knowing how hard he and the other boys work and trained to get where they are and produce/make the music and performances they do, it really rubbed him the wrong way. Heaps of people under the comment were agreeing too and they were attacking his fans too which made it even worse for him. Now, he never really gets ‘angry’; more frustrated or just grumpy but either way, when he does… It’s sexy. Just the look he gets on its face, it makes your heart and thighs ache. He never gets like obviously mad, just becomes really reserved and gives short answers because he doesn’t want to explode or let it out on you unfairly. Unless, it’s in one way, but it’s rather you assisting him in helping get it out rather than him just blatantly exploding on you (sex pun ha). He slowly walks into the bathroom where you’re getting ready, and as soon as you see the look on his face from behind you in the mirror you frown at him.

“What’s wrong baby?” You walk up to him and wrap your arms around his neck.

“I just came across these comments in an article about our last comeback stage, they really pissed me off” He mumbles, looking away with frustration in his eyes.

“They don’t mean anything, your fans and everyone who cares about you know hard you all work and how talented you are” You smile, stroking his cheek.

“I know but they were attacking the fans defending us too, which just makes me so mad” His hands slowly turn into fists. You grab his hands and intertwine your fingers with his as you pout up at him, trying to make him smile.

“I know baby, you can work even harder and make the next comeback even better and prove them wrong” All he does is sigh in reply, leaning his forehead against yours. Your gaze falls to his lips before leaning in and kissing him softly, before he turns it more aggressive. He snakes his arms around your waist as you jump up and wrap your legs around him. He carries you to the bed and we all know what happens next.

bambam:

You came storming through the door to your bedroom, Bambam laying comfortably on the bed watching netflix.

“Hey babe- Oh is everything okay?” His smile quickly turning to concern as he sees you clearly frazzled as your throw your bag and keys harshly onto the floor.

Your teacher who clearly has it out for you pulled some shit again today, marking you just one mark under than what you needed on your assessment to pass the unit and you were furious. She claimed it was because you didn’t “italicise to specify when you were going into the next topic”. She really made your blood boil.

But you didn’t want to rant about her just yet.

“Babe what the h-“ Bam went to ask as you took of your shirt and got onto the bed to straddle him.

“Bammie please, fuck now, talk later” you begged pulling at his shirt.

“But don’t you want to-“ He asked taking off his shirt quickly and going to untie his sweats.

“No. Fuck Now. Talk Later” You commanded, already marking his neck.

yugyeom:

You were surprising Yug in the practice room. You had bought the both of you hot chocolates since it was winter and very, very cold out, even though he was practicing hard and was most likely all warmed up and sweaty from dancing, you still wanted to do something sweet for him and make him feel better after a hard days work. Unfortunately though, today was not going well for Yug. Everyone including himself just kept messing up and the choreography wasn’t sticking in anyone’s head and they had to keep restarting and correcting everything, and he was getting so frustrated with everything. When you finally reached the practice room you saw the rest of the boys getting ready to leave and you could tell by their faces and the overall mood in the room that something was up. You still greeted them with a smile and waved them goodbye as they all left one by one, waiting for Yug. He was still practicing in the mirror, a clear look of frustration on his face and sweat dripping off his hair. You called out his name with a big smile on your face. He turned around and looked at you and it was different from his usual look. He always got horny after practicing hard but this time, it was so much more intense. You held out his hot chocolate as he walked up toward you, but he just took both of them and placed them on the floor. He walked you back until your back was against the wall. The way he was staring at you, never taking his eyes off you, was making it so hard for you to stand. He only said one thing;

“Take off your panties”

And you were so ready for what was coming next.

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theartofmedia · 5 years

Text

The Art of Review: YIIK: A Postmodern RPG

I have been sitting here for about two hours with this tab open, trying to find out how to properly introduce this. At the time of writing this (May 7, 2019, 10:02 PM), I have just finished watching YIIK several hours ago. However, I have been doing just about everything to avoid actually writing about it, because I have no idea how to ease the reader into this.

YIIK is so reprehensible that I created this segment--”The Art of Review”--because I needed to talk about this game. I needed to explain just why this game fails on every single account, and is so blatantly offensive. Initially, I was going to do a piece on something creator Andrew Allanson had said about games and his protagonist, Alex. It had to do with character development, and a common criticism was Alex’s sheer lack of it; naturally, I decided to watch a walkthrough online in order to see this for myself first-hand.

I was not prepared for what I saw. I have never had to take as many breaks from any media before due to sheer anger at what I was witnessing. I have never seen a game that fails in every single sense, that is regarded as such high art by its developers. Except maybe David Cage, but he’s a topic for another day.

YIIK: A Postmodern RPG is one of the worst pieces of media I have ever had the displeasure of viewing... probably in my entire life. I wish I was exaggerating.

Before I go any further, I would like give immense credit to GrandmaParty and the others at the Something Awful forums for doing an LP of the game with commentary and cutting out the fights. GrandmaParty graciously linked the thread to me--which is full of sources that I will also be linking to throughout this piece--and made the entire game tolerable enough for me to power through. It wouldn’t have happened without you guys, so thank you very much for extending a hand to a small creator trying to get her footing in the world. <3

I will also be linking to the various episodes of GrandmaParty’s LP with timestamped links to show particular scenes or dialogue. I’ve heard that one Andrew Allanson likes to say that people doctored screenshots of his game to make him look bad. Sorry, but I don’t like being accused of forgery, so I’m going to just preemptively strike that claim down.

Now then. This is going to be a big, long review. Allow me to tell you how we’ll be separating this.

We’re going to have two main sections: a non-spoiler review, and a spoiler review. This is mainly due to the fact that a lot of the game’s issues come from its mess of a story, one that can only be understood fully if you’ve seen it through to the end (and its multiple endings).

But let me be clear here.

DO NOT BUY THIS GAME.

Don’t buy it for a laugh. Don’t buy it to see how bad it is. It’s broken, it’s offensive, and the creators and proven themselves time and time again to be genuinely awful and prejudiced people. Do not give these people money.

The non-spoiler and spoiler sections will be divided into subsections, which may also have subsections of their own.

With that said... let’s begin my review of YIIK: A Postmodern RPG.

Non-Spoiler Review

Plot:

The plot of YIIK (it’s pronounced like Y2K, but I’m going to pronounce it as ‘yick’ personally) follows Alex, a freshly-graduated college student, and the strange events that begin to occur once he returns to his hometown of Frankton. He follows a cat to an old factory/hotel, where he meets Sammy, a young woman who appears to live there. When she is taken by some mysterious creatures in front of Alex, he begins a journey to try and find out what happened to her, and begins to make discoveries that could endanger the very fabric of the universe. In theory, at least. In reality, the story is an absolute clusterfuck of vague metaphysics, and the rules of the world were never clearly established, so everything just becomes an incoherent mess.

Characters:

The characters are bare-bones at best and absolutely insufferable at worst. Alex especially is infamous among critics and detractors of the game for his arrogance, ignorance, underlying racism/sexism we’ll get to that, and lack of properly-written development. I’m not going to go into full detail with Alex just yet--there will be an entirely separate post on him. Something also to keep in mind that general consensus appears to be that Alex is an author-insert for Andrew Allanson. Whether that is or isn’t true is frankly up to the viewer, but there’s no definitive proof of it.

(Oh!!! Quick thing!! This image here keeps circulating around--this person is not Andrew! That is someone named Cr33pyDude on both Twitter and Reddit! He just so happens to look like the main character. Don’t rag on this guy, everyone, he doesn’t have anything to do with this shitshow. <3)

Most of the other characters are bland and underdeveloped, but all have potential to be better (Rory especially, in my personal opinion) if they were in the hands of a better writer. The female characters, though... either they are fawning over Alex, being written as nagging and overbearing, or having so little significance that taking them out entirely would change nothing. Don’t worry, we’ll get to that. Other NPCs are forgettable, and enemies are out-of-place monsters that hold no consequence to the story.

Writing:

And the writing--dear god the writing. The writers don’t know the phrase “show, don’t tell.” So frequently would Alex monologue about nothing. Upon coming back from seeing a woman get taken by supernatural creatures, he goes home and reflects--only to go on a tangent about his mother. Immediately after that, he goes on a rant about p/o/r/n/ when sent an email and how girls that he used to go to school with wouldn’t be doing “particularly unladylike” things. And the entire game is like this. Alex will go on pseudo-philosophical rants to himself, and they reveal nothing about his character except that he thinks he’s better than everyone else. He’ll also frequently describe things as though talking to someone--while this does get explained later, it still is completely frustrating when the narrative says “I said this and she said that” instead of just having dialogue or actions between characters. A lot of the dialogue doesn’t exactly... sound like anything a human would say. It’s stilted and unnatural.

Graphics:

The graphics are... bad. Really bad. The style is supposed to be a throwback to old-school, very polygonal games, but environments lack any and all actual texture, making them incredibly flat and uninteresting at best and painful for the eyes at worst. Everything is extremely colorful, but in the sense of neon colors. Everything is so bright and vibrant, and there is barely a place where someone’s eyes can rest--it’s balance in art. Brightness like this needs to be contrasted with darker, more muted shades, or else it just hurts to look at. The viewer’s eyes need places to rest, and the muted shades allow them that reprieve. You don’t get that with YIIK. It’s just a constant bombardment of colors and lights, to the point where if you are sensitive to these kinds of things, you may not want to look even at game footage unless you’re prepared. The character portraits are fine, even if some expressions are odd, but the in-game chibi-esque models are... bad. Really bad. They’re so uncanny and unsettling, and their expressions almost never change. (Also Alex has detailed teeth and it’s just as horrifying as you might think.)

Music/Audio:

The music is. Awful? It’s awful. It’s genuinely really bad. Case in point: one of the boss battle themes. You can hear this poor guy trying so hard to put power behind his voice, but it just sounds unnatural and strained. (Also he clips the mic at some points, and the balancing in general is. Bad.) He’s out-of-tune and occasionally off-beat, and it just makes for a very unpleasant listening experience. And a lot of the music is like this, being just an assault on the ears. The one real exception to this is the track “Into the Mind” made by one Toby Fox, presumably before he made Undertale and was doing freelance work. (He has since deleted his tweet promoting it. Screenshot of the tweet here, courtesy of @GameTheoryRejects.) The audio in general is poor, with irritating sound effects, occasional distorted audio that’s supposed to be scary but is so poorly done that it just hurts to listen to, and voice acting that’s lackluster at best and utterly emotionless at worst.

Gameplay:

Full disclosure: I did not personally play the game. But just looking at it shows how irritating, slow, clunky, and repetitive it is. Each character has a minigame that you play in order to attack, defend, use special attacks, and even run away. These minigames, unlike in something like the Mario & Luigi series, are slow, drawn-out, and completely break up the flow of the fight. And none of the other characters matter then anyway, because turns out if you max out your LUK stat, you can use a particular move that hits all enemies and completely one-shot them from critical damage. (And this move can even glitch out the game in some cases!) The menus are crowded and visually uninteresting, making everything sort of meld together. (Another minor criticism: YIIK has a tendency to put the player in unwinnable fights. You are never aware of what fights are winnable and which fights are designed to kill you. More on this later.)

Speaking of gameplay, the leveling system is... bizarre and tedious. You get EXP, but you don’t gain the ability to level up (yes that is an ability you have to gain) until a couple hours into the game. Leveling up is done in the Mind Dungeon, which you access from save points, and you have to go through doors that increase the stats you assign it. There are four doors per floor, and when you go to the next floor, you and all of your teammates (even if you haven’t met them in-game) level up. Sounds simple, right? Well. It’s slow and repetitive, and NOTHING HAPPENS. You walk in a door. You walk out the door. Rinse and repeat for 70 floors. (280 doors, by the way.) Here’s GrandmaParty doing this for an hour to get an idea of the tedium that this induces. You get to play a minigame when you banish certain enemies, but that serves less as ‘spicing up the gameplay’ and more of ‘adding more steps to this already-boring section.’

So to recap: Flat characters, word-salad plot, painful prose flat-out ugly graphics, backwards gameplay and leveling system.

Tl;dr: Game bad. Don’t buy it.

... This ends the non-spoiler portion of the review. And also the section where we start to talk about some... sensitive topics.

As such, I am going to issue a legitimate trigger warning: the following pieces talk about suicide/depression in detail, as well as physical & domestic abuse situations.

And a small content warning for those who aren’t legitimately triggered by these subjects but still feel uncomfortable reading about the following: homophobia/transphobia; sexism; racism; and the actual use of a real-life woman’s death as a plot device. No I am not fucking kidding about that last one.

So. Let’s get into the real shit about YIIK.

Spoiler Review

Plot:

Let’s start with the plot. There isn’t really a driving force for this plot; initially, it’s finding Semi “Sammy” Pak (well, everyone except Rory says “Park,” even though all of the written lines say “Pak,” so that’s great) after she is taken by mysterious figures. However, as the game progresses, the search becomes less about finding Sammy until she’s just a footnote, and becomes more about... meandering around the world going from one goal to another while fighting things. (The game points this out, but self-awareness doesn’t excuse the fact that it happens. Especially considering the upcoming plot points...)

Then the metaphysics start--people have been trying to decipher this world’s rules for a while with little success, so bear with me, I’m going to try to make as much sense of what we’re given as possible.

There exists a “place between places“ known as the Soul Space. It exists between parallel realities. A person can actually will themself into the Soul Space via... depression? One character, Vella, says that another character, Rory, left his body when he “surrendered himself to his misery” following the death of his younger sister, and explained herself that she fell into a deep depression as well before entering the Soul Space... but it’s not dying? Or it can be? Here Rory asks The Essentia 2000 oh we’ll get to her don’t you worry if dying means you enter the Soul Space. She says that it’s complicated. Her explanation boils down to, “if you care only about material goods and not about your bonds, when you die, you will cease to exist. If you don’t care about materialistic goods when you die, then ehhhhh???”

Also, if your reality is destroyed but you go into the Soul Space, you can become a Soul Survivor (aka the not-Starmen, seen in the cutscene with Vella and Rory linked above) and get stuck in other’s realities as you try to find a physical body. Also, people share a Soul across parallel realities--meaning, parallel versions of yourself would share the same Soul. But they’re not the same people. They have different lives, races, genders, names, but they share the same “Soul.” Only one person with that “Soul” can exist in a reality at a time, hence the form that the Soul Survivors take if they enter a reality where another person with that “Soul” lives. If, however, that person with your “Soul” is no longer in that reality, you can retake physical form and essentially take their place--though not as them, but as you.

And if you go into the Soul Space you apparently understand the secrets of the universe and are beyond normal human follies.

Confused yet? Me too, and I wrote this damn thing. The worldbuilding is so vague, and the players aren’t given set rules that the world plays by. Even when the more surrealist elements of the game start to appear, there should still be rules. Perhaps nonsensical rules, but rules nonetheless. Instead we get talk about Souls and parallel realities, scenes of bright colors and strange imagery that never gets explained or really acknowledged (other than a mention of them being “breaks in reality” like, once), and some plot twists that imply... a lot.

Let’s talk about the characters before we get to the ending.

Characters

Besides Alex, there are five major characters in YIIK:

Michael, who is Alex’s childhood friend and who doesn’t really have much relevance between the beginning and the end of the game. No, really, for the middle portion of the game, he doesn’t really do anything. He hangs around, that’s about it. He gains relevance again during the end of the game where he goes into the Soul Space and becomes Proto-Michael, and that... happens, I guess. I think it contributes to the revelation later on about reality breaking.

Vella is... a strange character. A strange character forced to contradict herself because the plot demands it. She’s shown to be a character who takes no shit, but also bends at the first flimsy apology Alex gives her. She is compassionate to someone like Rory, but spends most of her time calling out Alex. (And yet, somehow, they fall in love???) These notes I took previously on Vella’s first appearance show how what kind of walking contradiction that Vella is as a character:

”Stop creeping on me while i’m at work”

”Okay I’ll go to the house of two strangers who i just accused of perving on me, in the middle of my work shift, to look at these pictures of me on this website i’ve never heard of that can’t go wrong”

”So let me tell you about this traumatizing experience i had with a supernatural creature, saying how emotional and painful it was without any emotion in my voice”

”also i’m not going to tell you how I got to where the supernatural creature was because it’s very personal and I don’t know you and revealing that would make me vulnerable”

”By the way I’m going to give you my number as well as this other number for a training dungeon basically because I like you two”

... yeah,

Rory is probably my favorite character out of this dreck, and he deserves so, so much better than being in this shit. He’s a quiet scene kid who initially gets roped into the plot with the disappearance of his 12-year-old sister--turns out, however, that she killed herself, and Rory struggles with the resulting grief, trauma, and depression that follows. He’s a sweet kid who’s a pacifist, is teaching himself how to make games, knows a lot of random bits of information about many things, and overall deserves so much better than this game. Sorry Allansons you’ve lost your Rory privileges he is My son now

Claudio and Chondra... are just kind of there? Claudio’s a stereotypical weeb. Chondra is the “sassy black girl”/little sister type (which is later revealed to be even stranger, because she’s apparently a graduate student). They don’t have much outside of that, and that’s a shame, since they had a lot of potential to be really good. However, they also seem a bit... tacked on and included for diversity’s sake, as both of them mention racism at some point, and... yeah. The game isn’t very graceful with that topic, as I’ll soon get into.

There is also the character of Panda, who appears out of nowhere in the factory/hotel and is never questioned. It becomes very clear that he’s a figment of Alex’s imagination, and is Alex personifying him as his sort of “conscious“ when he is, in reality, only a stuffed bear. He only talks when Alex is alone. A lot of people really don’t like him, but I will admit that I got mildly emotional when he drifted away in space near the end--but only because I myself make stuffed animals and dolls, so nearly any stuffed animal holds a place in my heart. However, I can very much see why people wouldn’t like him at all.

Anyway.

The Fucking Ending:

So everyone just kind of meanders around for the middle portion of the game until surprise! On New Years’ Eve the world is going to be destroyed. Not just the world--the entire reality. And it’s going to be Alex’s fault, somehow. Also Sammy--who Alex becomes obsessed with--Vella--who is an explicit love interest for Alex--and an android--the previously-mentioned The Essentia 2000, who Alex has a dream about and immediately becomes infatuated--with all turn out to be the same person! Why pick between love interests when they can all just turn out to be the same person?! Also, Sammy was taken by apparent demons because her Soul was in the process of going into the Soul Space, and the creatures the took her were actually the other 2/3rds of her Soul that had already gone into the Soul Space and they were just collecting the last piece. I think.

The game turns into a watered-down version of Persona 3, where you have about a month--from Thanksgiving until New Years’ Eve--to train and get strong enough to stop whatever is going to destroy reality. (The actual Y2K thing is mentioned about halfway through and serves little relevance other than to mark when the end of the world is, since Y2K isn’t actually the cause of the world ending). Then there are some weird plot twists about how reality has been breaking for a long while (this was briefly foreshadowed in Alex going to Michael’s house only to be told that Michael doesn’t live there, and then going to another house where Michael is) and it makes a lot of things really confusing?? And then New Years’ Eve comes where everything is really breaking. Turns out the end of this reality is caused by a meteor with Alex’s face on it a la the moon from Majora’s Mask, no I am not fucking kidding. And it moves around like an inflatable arm-flailing tube man, no I am not fucking kidding.

And then everyone dies. No, really, this is an unwinnable fight. You die. Your entire party dies. Their reality is destroyed.

Alex wanders around the Soul Space for a while until he finds other versions of himself, and various “dark versions” merge together to create the Proto-Comet (’proto’ being the suffix to describe the end product of parallel selves merging together to form one entity). Alex follows the comet around as it destroys reality after reality until...

He finds one that hasn’t been attacked.

And gueeeeeeess what?

You, the player, are a parallel version of Alex. So he enlists you and another party of parallels (using the names you were supposed to input in the beginning) to destroy Proto-Alex. Here, you meet a spectre who is very obviously Sammy Pak, and she says that she’s sorry that Essentia “used her to get to you,” and you hug her.

Eventually you do get to Proto-Alex, as well as a different form of Essentia. Turns out that Essentia lied to you about Sammy and Vella--turns out, Essentia IS you. Well, Essentia is part of Alex, and she tricked Alex into destroying Proto-Alex in order to free herself from the “Soul” that they share. So you can choose to fight Proto-Alex, and if you do, you lose. Again. The boss fight in unwinnable.

And then this... really weird section happens with the character of Roy from Two Brothers, Ackk Studios’ previous game that got pulled from Steam due to bugginess and crashing. Roy basically says that people were “trying to stop his quest” (aka critics) and that Alex shouldn’t give up. (Note that this is a complete non-sequitur to anyone who doesn’t know who Roy is, where he came from, or the story behind the game being pulled.)

After that, you control both the player avatar given and Alex in order to “unplug” Proto-Alex and Essentia, which will make them “whole”? It basically means that all the versions of Alex will merge together into you, the player.

Then the game ends.

At least. Kind of. There’s more than one ending.

But... we’ll get back to that in a bit.

There are many questions the game raises without answers. Why was Sammy bleeding and screaming for the Soul Survivors not to take her because “you promised you wouldn’t move me again!”? Who actually is Vella? Why did no one question Essentia and Vella being in the same space if it was already said that they couldn’t be? Who actually is Sammy? Why is she a ghost and not a Soul Survivor? Why were Proto-Alex and the other “dark Alex”-es trying to destroy realities? Why does Proto-Alex look different than the other Alex-es, who look relatively similar? Who actually was the voice on the phone--it was implied to be Proto-Michael, but he didn’t exist when those phone calls were made? Is Claudio and Chondra’s missing younger brother actually a version of Alex, as this clip implies (esp. w/ the anime shirt)?

Good luck getting answers, because we sure as hell don’t get any.

Also--glad to know that the entire month of training that you spent the latter half of the game doing was all for naught, since the last two major fights you’re in are unwinnable. There are four minibosses to fight, so it isn’t all for nothing, but still. You don’t even get the satisfaction of killing the final boss. You pull a lever and he and Essentia get weirdly electrocuted.

One more thing: the twist of “Essentia lied to you” made a metric fuckton of exposition in her Mind Dungeon utterly pointless, and also feels like a flimsy excuse to absolve Alex of blame for the shitty actions of his parallel selves--more on that later.

So let’s touch on some controversy now that we have gone over the rest of this incoherent mess of a plot.

Elisa Lam

One of the most famous controversies of YIIK is the use of Elisa Lam’s death to propel the story. This is true--the creator admits that he “was very moved” by Lam’s death.

For those not in the know, let me give you a brief summary of the case of Elisa Lam. (Yes this is going to be primarily from Wikipedia but it also has news sources cited for it.) Elisa Lam was a 21-year-old Chinese-Canadian student who was reported missing at the beginning of February 2013. On February 17th, the workers at the Cecil Hotel in Los Angeles (where Lam was visiting) discovered her nude body in one of the hotel’s water tanks after guests complained about the taste of the water. The police released footage of Lam, from the day of her disappearance, acting strangely in an elevator, appearing to be hiding from something, pressing elevator buttons, and gesturing and talking to no one. There was controversy surrounding her death, as people wondered how she could have locked herself in the water tank, and how the police could rule her death as accidental. People have suspected that it was due to paranormal activity that she was acting like that, or others said that she could have been having hallucinations (as Lam was diagnosed with bipolar and depression). Her death was quickly spread through internet circles as some paranormal myth.

YIIK incorporates this as a huge part of its starting plot.

Semi “Sammy” Pak is very clearly inspired by Elisa Lam. The two bear striking resemblance to one another, being young Asian women in their early twenties with straight black hair (even parted in the same place)--and this photo from the LA Times shows that Lam wore rounded glasses, like the ones Sammy wears. (Lam is Chinese-Canadian, while Sammy is stated to be Koren-American. Sammy is also 23 when Lam was 21.)

This photoset from JamJamJamJamuel shows the biggest criticism of YIIK: the recreation of the elevator video. It’s obvious by the angle and some of Sammy’s movements that this was, in fact, meant to emulate the elevator video of Lam. The game also shows that people are less concerned about Sammy as a person and more about the mystery of the elevator, like the internet stopped caring about Lam as a person and more of a supernatural myth.

However, there’s more than just this.

There’s a weird... almost fetishistic nature when the in-game protagonist talks about Sammy. Alex describes his meeting with her as “intimate” (they met for like. an hour), calls her “my Sammy” when comparing his story to the story of the news, says that he “misse[s] her. I didn’t know her really, but I felt like I did.” And the very next line is uh. “In the unreal twilight hours, in-between sleep and waking, she slipped into my dreams, got tangled in my thoughts, like the blankets tangled between my legs, her brain melting with mine.”

... Gross, to say the least.

And yes, by the way, Sammy basically becomes a love interest. That’s not completely disrespectful and disgusting to the actual human woman that the devs never met or anything at aaaaaaaall.

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE.

Rory basically goes on to describe a “creepy urban myth” about the water tower near his town. You can imagine what that leads to. It’s a beat-by-beat retelling of the finding of Elisa Lam’s body, except they make it a “nameless girl,” and the writers basically insert their opinions of how it was definitely a murder and the police called it an accident.

More tasteless than a fucking saltine.

OH BUT WAIT THERE’S EVEN MORE.

Near the end of the game, you find the ghost of Sammy Pak. Since she’s not a part of Essentia, it seems that Essentia used her form to get to Alex. She says that she’s sorry and that she’s going to go back ‘home’ now, and you hug her.

But that’s not even the worst of it.

Allow me to tell you about the second ending.

Second Ending:

YIIK has more than one ending--both are considered canon. Ending 1 is the one described above.

Ending 2, however...

Just before leaving the house for the last time, in order to get this second ending, you have to look at the computer in Alex’s house and read this post. It implies that you need to go find Sammy. (It also has some things to say about postmodernism but that’s for another day.)

You go outside... and she’s hiding behind a tree outside your house. No I’m not kidding. (Granted, this is the part of the game where reality is beginning to break apart, so.) She also says “I love you” which, given her “inspiration” by Elisa Lam... yeah. That’s not creepy and tasteless at all. And it also doesn’t make any FUCKING SENSE BECAUSE ALEX KNEW HER FOR AN HOUR AND NEVER SAW HER AGAIN.

Okay, okay, anyway, if you go back into the house and leave through the back entrance, you’ll be taken to the world map. Your destination is the KNN--the Korean News Network, where Sammy had been employed before she vanished. The faceless NPCs only refer to Alex as the name you put in at the beginning of the game, so presumably, everyone from this point forward is now talking to you, the player. (Also everything is pink. Really pink. For no real reason unless it’s “””symbolic””” of something?) You wander around for a bit, doing menial tasks, until you finally get to a pink version of the room you first met Sammy in. She calls you on a phone and tells you that she’s sorry for dragging you into this mess (because Alex/the player went looking for Sammy in the first place), and that she “has a solution” to prevent Essentia from using Alex any more.

You find yourself in front of an elevator, the same elevator that you rode with Sammy when she disappeared. She calls you on the phone again and says that if you go through the elevator doors, there’s no turning back. If you step through, you see the spectre of Sammy again, and she wants to show you where she’s been. You hug her, and she says that she’s so glad that she met you, “even if it was just a game. We’ll be together in your waking reality one day, I’m sure of it. For all I know, we may already be.”

... Roll credits!

No. Seriously. That’s the second ending. You, the player, (presumably) go into the Soul Space with Sammy for eternity, and Sammy basically gives you a love confession (after all she says “I love you” before anyway).

Need I remind you all that she is based off of a REAL-LIFE WOMAN WHO DIED THAT NEITHER OF THE ALLANSONS KNEW?!

Hi, yes, sorry, I’m fucking livid about this. Not just because of the disgusting use of a real-life woman’s death in your game, not just because they fetishized her and turned her into a love interest, not just one of the endings--which is a canon ending--had her telling you she loves you and having you go off with her...

... but because this game has been in development since 2013.

Elisa Lam wasn’t even dead for a fucking year.

Yes, other media has cropped up about Lam’s death, and I think it’s just as tacky and tasteless as this. But these guys had so much time to change it, to have someone say “hey maybe you shouldn’t do that,” and it happened anyway. The sheer lack of respect that the Allansons have for not just Lam but also her still-grieving family is astonishing, and it genuinely makes me sick. My thoughts and condolences to the family of Elisa Lam, having to deal with the press, internet conspirators, and people like this. I hope that they all can still find some sense of peace, even with all of this going on.

Racism:

So this game can be really, really fucking racist sometimes. Let’s start with the more explicit dialogue.

In the very beginning, Sammy calls Alex a ginger, and he says “that’s our word.” He’s equating “ginger” to a derogatory slur.

Here’s the next instance, with Alex referring to Vella--an Asian woman--as “vaguely ethnic” and “exotic.” (He doesn’t face consequences for this, either. Just a slap on the wrist of “don’t talk about race.”)

Later on, Chondra talks about race in an actually not that bad rant about how “I bet if [my brother] had been a beautiful white woman, everyone would have cared that he vanished.” This actually is somewhat insightful, as... well, it’s rather true. POC, when it comes to investigations, are often pushed aside, ignored, or given the least amount of effort. And then Chondra also calls out Alex’s lowkey racist fantasy of “being the white knight swooping in and saving the exotic Korean girl.” However... that’s it. Alex doesn’t get any insight from that, or rethink his reasons on why he wants to save Sammy.

And that’s where we get into Claudio and Chondra and the more implicit racism in the game. Neither of them have much in terms of personality--Claudio likes anime, Chondra is there for quips. Neither of them have any significant arcs, nor do they serve much story purpose beyond being extra party members and talking about race--which feels racist in and of itself, just to have characters of color there to talk about race. (Claudio even goes into an extensive rant about how it’d be racist to think that he knows how to pick locks, but he does know how to pick locks, just not the type that they need open. It comes out of nowhere, is utterly unwarranted, and is completely against the rather chill persona that Claudio has had up until then.) Their characters had a lot of potential to be good! However, much like every other character, they’re very underdeveloped.

(Also, if you have either Claudio or Chondra in your party when you get attacked by cop enemies, they will only shoot at either of them, you know, the only black characters in the main party, and my god I wish I was kidding.)

And then... the love interests.

Sammy is a Korean woman. Vella is an Asian woman of unknown descent. The Essentia 2000 has shown that many of her parallel lives are women of color. All of them are love interests for Alex, the white hero. Yeah. And the game calls it out, but no actual repercussions are given!

Speaking of these ladies...

Sexism

This game is really fucking sexist. Like, genuinely, it’s really sexist.

I think a lot of Vella’s contradictory character comes from this sexism and seeing her as a love interest rather than a character. Though she calls out Alex and is upset with him most of the time, she still accepts his weak apologies very easily--apologies that seem very manipulative and insincere when almost immediately after, Alex tries to convince her to let him into her Mind Dungeon, and if you take that as a metaphor than it gets even worse.

As well, Vella’s backstory includes her being used by a much-older man. What can you do after she tells this traumatic story about her being used by a man? Kiss her. And she doesn’t even get upset or angry with you; she just blushes and says to head back to the others. Because that’s not gross and manipulative or anything. That’s not taking advantage of a vulnerable woman at ALL.

The only female characters of importance that aren’t lusting after Alex are his mom and Chondra--I’ve already mentioned that Chondra has little story importance and personality, and Alex sees his mom as nagging for asking him to get groceries, gets angry at her when she says that she lost her job and asks him to get one to support the house (please note that she paid for his and his sister’s college educations in full, including semesters she didn’t plan for), and gets annoyed with her freaking out when he went missing for five days.

So yeah. The game doesn’t have the highest view of women.

But let’s talk specifically about Essentia. Essentia mentions that Alex has hurt her in parallel realities--but it’s okay, because they’re parallel versions, not actually him! And Essentia reveals that Alex’s parallel was the person who hurt Vella! But it’s okay, because she’ll love him unconditionally no matter how much he hurts her. It’s... really reminiscent of domestic abuse. And it frankly doesn’t matter that Essentia turns out to be a part of Alex and that any of the story of Vella or Sammy isn’t true; the game frames it as perfectly okay that it might have happened. It’s okay that parallel versions of Alex have hurt parallel versions of Essentia, because she loves him. It’s incredibly twisted, and it’s honestly a dangerous message to be sending.

(Also, in a very weird instance of sexism against men, out of all of the parallel selves that Essentia shows Alex, the only man is extremely hostile and violent towards Alex. It’s... kind of weird, honestly.)

Depression/Suicide:

Oh boy. Oh fucking boy.

A little background on myself.

I’m two years into my undergrad for a Psychology/Criminology double major. Classes I have taken include classes about pathologies of the mind and mental health (Psychopathology of Childhood, Developmental Psychology, Personality Psychology, Seminar on Positive Psychology, and of course Basic Psychology to be specific). I have also been clinically diagnosed with anxiety/depression, and both of these are genetically based, meaning that I have lived with them my whole life and will continue to live with them. (I am medicated, for anyone wondering. The meds are the only way I can function at a normal level.) I have felt suicidal before, I have had friends who have been suicidal before, and I have talked others down from self-harm or suicide. I’m not an expert, but I know a thing or two about mental health, depression, and suicide.

This game... this game doesn’t fucking get it at all.

(Just a quick thing: the game makes an OCD joke. Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder jokes aren’t funny, folks, since people who have it are affected by it all the time to the point of it often being debilitating. Just wanted to mention it a) to give you an idea on how the game handles mental health and b) because it really doesn’t fit anywhere else.)

Most of this surrounds the character of Rory, as he clearly suffers from depression and suicidal thoughts, as well as feeling grief surrounding his sister’s own suicide. When this is revealed, you know what Vella says to “comfort” him? “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. I understand what you were feeling. 'This depression is unbearable.' 'I can't take it anymore.' The 'depression/pain' part is an unavoidable reality, but whether or not you can overcome it is up to you. You decide if you're going to keep going. Your sister is dead. Nothing can change that. [...] You can't help but feel the pain, but you can get through the suffering. That will go away. Look, I understand that it's easy for me to say. I'm not the one whose sister is dead. But you have to understand that I am telling you the true reality of the situation. You're playing with some otherworldly dangers here!“

Let me break this down to show you why this is not something to say to someone who is traumatized and in a deep depression due to the loss of a loved one.

“[W]hether or not you can overcome it is up to you.” This puts full responsibility of overcoming grief and depression onto the person suffering from it, which is not okay, and not true. Rory lost his 12-year-old sister to suicide! Very recently in the game’s timeline, as well!

Vella is basically telling him “it’s your job to get over your grief and depression.” Putting full responsibility on someone for feeling depression and grief is disgusting. If someone is grieving, what they should do is reach out. If they aren’t, reach out to them. Don’t let them suffer alone. Suffering like this is not a choice. People don’t choose to suffer.

By saying that suffering is “optional,” it subtly blames the person suffering for their own suffering, which makes their chances of getting better plummet. So frequently will people suffering from mental disorders put the blame on themselves for “not trying hard enough” or “being broken” or “not being good enough” because they think that this is all their own fault, and they won’t seek help, because “it’s all my fault.”

Now, when someone is in recovery? Yes, they should definitely try--even if it’s in small bits at a time--to to learn to cope with their disorders in healthy ways. However, when in recovery, the person is assisted by therapists, friends, family, and possibly medications. They aren’t alone. They aren’t alone, and are often guided by those who know how to help them and want to help them. The responsibility isn’t pushed solely onto them. One doesn’t “get over” being depressed. They learn to cope. They learn to accept it as a part of them, rather than all of them, and learn that they are more than their depression. The suffering never truly goes away; it can lessen, though, and a person can learn to live with it.

Some people may defend this by saying that the Allansons lost their mother very recently, and this is how they handle their grief. I lost my father in February of last year. I know this type of grief. And just because that’s how they handle their grief, that doesn’t mean it’s a healthy way of coping, nor the type of coping mechanism you should promote in your game. (I will admit that my own methods of coping weren’t great, and that I’m trying to improve on that now.) There’s a quote that I heard somewhere that goes something like, “grief never really goes away. We just learn to live with it.” That suffering doesn’t ‘go away.’ It ebbs and flows, some days being bearable, and other days not.

But that’s not the end, friends. Oh, far from it.

At one point, you can flat-out tell Rory to “stop being depressed. Being depressed is a choice.” It is noted to be the “wrong” choice, however, Rory barely reacts to it, making it not seem like the wrong decision. I don’t feel like I need to explain why “depression is a choice” is a take colder than the depths of space. Depression’s not a choice, folks. Hell, I would love it if it was, I would love to stop the fatigue, the emptiness, the lethargy, the lack of motivation, the irritability, the messed-up appetite, the fucked-up sleep patterns, the fits of crying. That would be fucking great. But I can’t. BECAUSE IT’S NOT A CHOICE, YOU WALNUT.

Okay, okay, sorry, back on topic. So let’s say you’re mean to Rory. You wanna know what happens?

He kills himself. And according to this user, the story doesn’t change and barely acknowledges Rory after his death. (Obviously there’s not footage out there of the characters mentioning that Rory committed suicide. However, the developers themselves commented on the previously-linked Steam forum post confirming its legitimacy. This is so unbelievably fucked up. Suicide is already a topic that should be handled with care, but having a main character commit suicide and have that death have no impact on the story? I don’t even have words for how deplorable that is. (Doesn’t help that the game basically pushes whether Rory lives or dies onto the player, which is also disgusting, because I don’t think the developers had the insight into suicidal ideation to know that it’s a multitude of factors that lead to suicide, and not just one person being )

(Sidenote: here are the links to the National Suicide Prevention Line and the Crisis Text Line in case anyone needs them. Please take care, friends. <3)

[Addendum: as I was working on this review and listened to the podcast linked a little further down, Andrew Allanson had this to say at 2:08:47: "When you make an unlikable character, people expect Sherlock Holmes or Dr. House. They want flawed heroes, but only to the extent that they’re beautiful and intelligent and slightly Asperger-y."

Thank you for basically saying that having Asperger’s Syndrome is an unlikable trait or makes people unlikable.]

Anti-LGBTQ+

So let’s talk about the prejudice against non-straight and non-cis people!

Andrew Allanson has been rather fucking clear about his prejudice against trans people and non-straight people. In the “The Dick Show” podcast, starting at 1:45:45, Andrew Allanson was interviewed by the commentators. I will be providing timestamps of quotes since I can’t directly link to them.

(Sidenote: I was listening to this podcast and waiting for Andrew’s pa rt to start, and one of the commentators was talking about Women’s History Month, and saying “If a woman doesn’t have a man, she’s going to expect the government to be her man. That’s just the way they’re wired.” [1:44:24 - 1:44:31]. Yeah. That tells you the type of people who run this podcast and the type of people that Andrew decides to associate himself with.)

[1:52:15 - 1:52:] “... we made the mistake of asking the player, ‘what name did your parents give you?’ And it turns out that that is a very offensive question. Because some people, um, are trans, and don’t use the name their parents gave them. So immediately the game is targeted as being transphobic. [...] So we wanted to basically create a character off of the player in the game, the first thing we ask you ‘are you a boy or a girl,’ ‘what’s your name’, and people were so bent out of shape over this. Look, I’m sympathetic to trans people, I understand why it upset them. But the problem was when we apologized, that wasn’t good enough. People then took it and said ‘what else can we find in this game to prove that it’s offensive?’”

So here’s the thing: that... is lowkey transphobic? Because it’s like you said, these people don’t use the names that their parents gave them. You’re asking them, intentionally or not, to deadname themselves. There’s a reason they call it a “deadname.”

Later on they ask, “which of these do you identify with?” and show a male figure and a female figure. Which frankly, is alright.

And then they changed it in an update to “what do you look like?” which feels like a very direct jab at trans people, especially the ones who were upset by the initial question relating to names.

Oh, and then there’s this part (I only know DIck and Andrew’s voices, I’m afraid I don’t know the third, sorry m8).

[1:54:35 - 1:55:10]

Andrew: So you play as this guy, Alex, you just come home from [college, audio cut out here], you’re an entitled asshole--

Dick: You get points for stomping queers, as I understand it, that’s the game, right? You go around and--

Andrew: The goal is to establish the white ethnostate.

[unintelligible as others laugh and talk over each other]

Dick: --you have a little ‘gaydar’ in the corner and it points you to the nearest homosexual, and then you go, y‘know, “Hammer [X]”

Andrew: It’s - it’s - yeah, it’s a hack-and-slash.

Dick: If you buy the game they send you a special overlay you can put on your controller that turns all the buttons into ‘K.’ So it’s not ‘A’--

Andrew: Yes!

Dick: --Just ‘K,’ ‘K,’ and ‘K.’

Andrew: Just ‘K,’ ‘K’--yeah, exactly, exactly.

So we not only have the mockery of gay folk, but also mention of murdering them (whether in a joking fashion or not, this still isn’t fucking funny and not something to joke about, especially if you are not LGBTQ+ yourself. And to my knowledge, none of these men are).

And that’s just from the creator himself, as well as the first few minutes of the game.

Let’s talk bout The Scene.

What is The Scene? Well, it’s the scene where Alex and Rory talk, where you can tell Rory that “depression is a choice.” Should you be kind and supportive to him, you know what you can do? “Try to kiss [him.]” And there’s art for it. There is literally no reason for this to be here other than “haha it’s a guy trying to kiss another guy, gay people are funny!” It seems to be an attempt at humor, but it fails... rather miserably.

The Legendary Third Ending

I call it “legendary” because no one knows if it actually exists or not, because people can’t find it, regardless of the hints given by the developers.

Andrew, while doing “The Dick Show” interview, mentions that he put DIck Masterson (the host of the show) into the game in the third update [1:45:56] , and that you have to give Dick a pair of aviator glasses, where he will give you a red pill [1:47:15 - 1:47:33]. Dick is also found in Chapter 4 of the game [1:47:40].

The devs also tease it on Twitter, saying that it’s “sad and challenging to complete”, and they give vague and unclear hints that don’t seem to help even the fans of the game--after all, no one has found it, apparently. Even the YIIK Discord (though this is just hearsay) has been losing steam in trying to find this ending.

I think it’s a testament to the quality of the game when one of your major three endings is nigh-impossible to find. (For the record, I feel the same way about how PT went about its ending, and how arbitrary it felt to do these very specific things that the game barely tells you about.)

Miscellaneous Other Things That Don’t Fit In The Above

There are a couple other things that irk me about this game, so time for a rapid-fire round!

You can kiss Rory, who’s implied to be a senior in high school (due to this talk of college). So he’s, at best, 18. Alex had 5 and a half years of college (the game says “five and a quarter” but unless I’m mistaken colleges work in semesters not quarters,), so he’s probably 23-24. Yeah. (There’s also the issue of consent--when you kiss Vella she just blushes and acts more docile, while with Rory, he rather vehemently rejects it. So women just accept an unwanted kiss? Hm.)

You fight a flasher as a miniboss. Because sexual harassment is hilarious. (And if neither Michael nor Rory are 18 yet, then there’s the possibility of minors being involved. YEAH.)

The title card is intentionally glitchy af and it hurts the eyes, honestly.

If you go through New Game+ and go to the 70th floor of the Mind Dungeon, Alex will basically talk to himself about some things:

It mentions that “crows are ugly.” You fool. You absolute buffoon. Crows? Excellent. Very intelligent birbs.

This is basically “hey we suck, but so does everyone around us, it’s fine”

This game unironically uses Wonderwall lyrics in an emotional scene, like I know it was popular and not a meme in the 90s but my guy, you gotta think about the connotations with the audience you’re releasing this for,

“I sighed as the elevator began to shake, vibrating with motion.” Thank you for using three words to describe the elevator shaking,

The One Thing That I Liked

Surprisingly, there is something I liked about this game. Not solely in concept, not in its potential, but in its actual execution.

It starts on the day of New Years’ Eve. It’s dark outside and inside. Alex suddenly starts getting many random calls, some from people he knows, others he doesn’t. Some voices are distorted, some aren’t. Some are talking to him, some aren’t. And they’re quick little calls before they hang up, and Alex barely says a word. He can’t leave the house, and keeps getting phone calls that get more and more distorted as time goes on.

That? I think that actually really works.

It’s a more subtle way of showing reality breaking: getting calls from people, both friends and strangers, that are slowly getting more and more broken, and you can’t do anything. You’re trapped in your house, you can’t see outside, you don’t know what’s going on. You can’t help your friends, even when Michael screams for your help. The slowly deteriorating stability of the calls are your only indication of what’s going on outside.

And for me, that works. It was the one section of the game that I felt legitimately invested in. So, kudos to the devs for that one.

Conclusion

YIIK isn’t just bad. It’s offensive. It’s ignorant, it handles serious topics incredibly clumsily, and the worst of it is that Andrew Allanson considers it to be ‘art.’ (If you’re wondering why I didn’t talk about the “video games aren’t art” quote, don’t worry. That’s going to be its own essay.)

YIIK fails on every level, from technical to storytelling. Please, I beg of you, don’t give this game money. Just go watch the LP.

You may have noticed that I didn’t talk much about the “postmodern” aspect of the game, nor much about Alex as a protagonist.

Both of those are going to be their own separate essays.

This wild ride still ain’t over, folks. Hang on.

#yiik a postmodern rpg #yiik: a postmodern rpg #yiik #andrew allanson #yeehaw #holy shit this one is SO LONG but im so proud of it

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artificialqueens · 5 years

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Laws of Motion / Chapter 7 (Trixya) - DenDenMonMon

Chapter Summary: With a click of the remote the image changed. There was a picture that Trixie had taken, when they went vintage shopping a few weeks back. Katya had gone crazy in the home-decor isle. The lamp instantly stole her heart, with its big shade and the detailed design of a monkey carved into the wood of the base. She held the ornament and pretended to lick it as Trixie snapped the shot. It had been such a fun day. Trixie shook the memory out of her mind. She needed to focus, otherwise she wouldn’t be able to continue.

AO3 Link

Chapter 7 - Green.

“How could you let this happen?!”

Ginger Minj made her way across the bullpen. Her steps resounded in the echo of the open space, making the small heels sound louder.

Trixie lifted her head from the papers in her hand. It took a moment for her tired eyes to focus on the angry woman marching her direction. Her ears didn’t even catch the sound of wheels going across the floor until Violet appeared in front of her, still sitting on her desk chair, with her arms stretched in front of herself, figuratively creating a barrier between the two women.

“Girl, don’t,” Violet said firmly but quietly, slowly rising to her feet.

“You were supposed to protect her!” Ginger screamed, her arm snaking under Violet’s and a finger pointing at Trixie. “That’s what partners are for.”

Violet wrapped her arm around Ginger’s shoulder, preventing her from walking any further. “Minj, they were not on the clock.”

Trixie could only see Violet’s back, but she pictured her face being stern, just like the tone of her voice.

“That doesn’t matter!” Ginger’s voice sounded broken, tinted with unshed tears. “Have you seen her, V? She’s in a hospital bed, tubes connected everywhere. Lord.”

The muscles on Violet’s back seemed to contract as she stood a little too straight. “I have. I have seen her, and I know that’s not Trixie’s fault.” She moved to the side, just enough for Trixie to see sadness taking over her features. There was nothing anybody could have done to prevent this. No matter how many scenarios each detective had created in their mind, the reality was still the same.

Ginger’s eyes opened wide as she directed her stare between the two women. “You have got to be kidding me. Are you defending her now?” Ginger was almost screaming again; probably hating now more than ever that she needed to look up to find Violet’s eyes. What she lacked in height, she made up for in attitude. “Weren’t you the one calling me, saying that you just couldn’t stand her?”

A look of surprise took over Trixie’s face. Her hands went up in confusion, not only because the two women were talking about her as if she wasn’t standing right there, but because she was just learning her coworker didn’t like her.

“Uh, I’m literally right here, guys.”

Violet turned to face her for a second before she returned her attention to Ginger. “You don’t know what’s the story. Come, let’s talk.” She tried to get a hold of Ginger’s elbow, to direct her towards the break room, but Ginger wasn’t having it.

“I don’t need to talk with y’all. You seem to be making a mess out of everything you touch. I thought I would come out here and show you how it’s done.”

“You are here because I called you.” Captain Charles stood under the doorframe of his office, his hands clasped together solemnly. “Briefing room, now.”

Everybody dropped what they were doing and obeyed the captain’s orders. Trixie took her usual seat, the same she had occupied since the first time she stepped inside that room. Her arms dropped on the table and her head landed in the crook of her own elbows. For the first time in ages, she didn’t have to worry about her makeup getting ruined, she removed it a couple of days ago and didn’t bother to reapply it. She felt her greasy hair tickling her skin. She hadn’t been home in two days, and hadn’t taken a proper shower since the day before that.

Craig didn’t keep his promise. He didn’t call Trixie over the weekend, he called her that same Friday night. As soon as he got home, he noticed the door to Katya’s apartment was opened, and knew something wasn’t right. He walked in, without warning, and flipped the switch to turn the lights on. Nothing could have prepared him for the scene he found. Katya sat at her dinner table, her head hanging low, and a pool of blood at her feet.

After calling nine-one-one, he had called Trixie right away, who got there in a matter of minutes. They tried to get Katya to react to no avail. Trixie kept her finger firm on her pulse, and a towel at the back of Katya’s head, as they waited for the ambulance. Trixie rode with her, not wanting to let Katya out of her sight, and Craig followed them in his car.

Nobody would tell them anything for hours. The squad soon filled the waiting area of the emergency room, as they all silently prayed for the wellbeing of their dear friend. Roy would yell at the nurses, telling them what a horrible job they were doing at keeping up with the information. Captain Charles had to order him to either shut up or leave. In his kind manner, RuPaul requested the staff to keep them updated, since it was a very valuable agent of the law they were taking care of.

Kasha and Tempest went on a coffee run, and came back with steaming cups and old muffins for everyone. Trixie kept her tea in her hands, but didn’t drink it. The hot liquid wouldn’t make it past her throat, so she used it to warm her hands, which were cold with worry and uncertainty. She clung to Craig, asking him, over and over again, to describe the scene he found inside the apartment. He hadn’t seen anybody leaving, nor had he noticed anything unusual on his way up to their floor.

It took them two hours for the doctors to come out. Katya was okay. She had two broken ribs and a dislocated shoulder. Besides that, her arms and legs were covered in scrapes and bruises. She had clearly put up a fight. The thing they were most concerned about was the gash on the back of her head. It appeared to be skin deep, yet they ran several scans and X-Rays to be sure. Her brain seemed undamaged, but they needed to wait until she woke up to be sure. It had been three days since then, and she still wouldn’t react.

The doctors wouldn’t force her to wake up. Her body needed time to recover and come back by itself. All they could do was wait. It was frustrating.

Trixie pushed her fist against the metallic table, and lifted her head. People were still filing inside the briefing room, tired bodies walked in one after the other. Everybody seemed exhausted, more so than any other Monday morning. Their faces showed something closer to sadness than anything else. Trixie hated that. It was time to put their best foot forward, to be at the top of their game. Trixie felt tired, gross, but she was nowhere near giving up.

Violet sat next to her, it was the last seat available in the room. The one Katya usually took since she partnered up with Trixie. People stayed cleared from it, maybe out of respect. Trixie wanted to scream at them. Katya wasn’t dead. If only she wasn’t as exhausted, Trixie would have slapped the sorrow out of their stupid faces as they stirred away from the empty chair. Finally, Violet took the seat, maybe because her usual one had been occupied by Ginger, but it felt like Violet wanted to be there for Trixie. She could tell as much when Violet smiled softly at her. Trixie only half returned the gesture before Captain Charles called everyone’s attention to the front.

“Thank you, everyone,” he started. “Thanks to everybody that showed up in the middle of the night, and those of you who have worked non stop over the weekend.” He nodded his head a couple of times, bracing himself, but also giving some time for the crew to realize they were going to touch a sensitive topic. “As all of you know, Detective Zamo was attacked last Friday night.” His voice was soft, delicate; a tender whisper. “Her home was apparently broken into, we are yet to determine that. Girl, did she put up a fight, Mamma!” He drawled his words and bobbed his head side to side, a proud smile playing on his lips. “Luckily, she was found less than an hour later by a neighbor and was attended to right away. She has been in intensive care since then.”

A burning feeling took over Trixie’s nape, it surely was all the stares that had fixated on her at once. The information had spread rather fast, everybody knew she had been the first one at the scene.

“The doctors are very hopeful. There was no internal damage, but she did receive a blow to the head that has kept her unconscious. Once she wakes up, they will know if any other areas were affected.”

The room was dead silent, the squad hung to every word that came out of the captain’s mouth. They cared. Katya was one of, if not the most cared about agent in the precinct, that love could be felt in the aura of concern that had taken over the entire place.

“Now, Detective Mattel will brief us about what’s been discovered so far.” He pointed in Trixie’s direction, letting her know it was her time to speak.

Violet squeezed Trixie’s hand slightly as she got up. Trixie looked down at the perfectly manicured fingers wrapped around her own, and for a moment tried to remember if this was the first time she felt Violet’s touch. It was unfamiliar but surprisingly soothing. She offered a small smile back before she made her way to the front and thanked the captain.

She was ready to stand behind the podium when he took hold of her forearm. “If you feel too close to the case, let me know. We can cover for you.”

“I’m fine,” she reassured him as firmly as she could, before taking the remote in her hand. “So Katya was hurt,” she said dryly. “Some bastard attacked her and we need to catch the motherfucker.”

The smiling face of her partner appeared on the screen and her jaw clenched, her stomach turned. It was the picture used for Katya’s ID. She was all big teeth and bright lipstick. Her eyes looked almost green through the lense, under the fluorescent lighting. Trixie couldn’t even look at that happy being. Hitting next, she presented several pictures of Katya’s apartment, from the door that was left open, to the couch that no longer touched the wall behind it. Katya’s place had been completely trashed. Sure, it was a mess to start with, but there were things that had been knocked down during the fight, furniture had been flipped and picture frames could be seen on the floor.

“The weapon was most likely this monkey lamp.”

With a click of the remote the image changed. There was a picture that Trixie had taken, when they went vintage shopping a few weeks back. Katya had gone crazy in the home-decor isle. The lamp instantly stole her heart, with its big shade and the detailed design of a monkey carved into the wood of the base. She held the ornament and pretended to lick it as Trixie snapped the shot. It had been such a fun day. Trixie shook the memory out of her mind. She needed to focus, otherwise she wouldn’t be able to continue.

“It was not found in the crime scene. The attacker must have taken it with them. They knew what they were doing. The idea is that they were not prepared for Katya to fight back so hard. That fit bitch.” The last words were more to herself, coming out almost in a whisper. “Other than the clear mess of the place, they left no trace of even being there. We found no fingerprints, not a single hair, not even spit. We have reasons to believe that Katya injured them pretty badly. All the blood samples that we found are at the lab, and they are trying to see if there’s any other than Katya’s.”

A hand was raised at the back. “Do we have any suspects?” Kennedy asked without waiting for Trixie to acknowledge her.

“I believe this has something to do with The Puppeteer. Not only because that was the last case she was involved in but, as you can see here, she was found sitting at her dinner table, same as all the victims.”

She stopped, giving her fellow detectives a moment to look at the next image. Just like she told them, Katya sat at the table, puddle of blood around her feet. Her face wasn’t painted, and her limbs didn’t have strings coming from the ceiling, but Trixie was almost sure it was somehow related to the killer.

“Didn’t you just close that case, though?” Ginger challenged from her seat.

Trixie nodded. “Yes. And Katya being attacked, right after the sentence was given, can’t be a coincidence. For as long as we worked the case, there were no indications that Manila Luzon had an accomplice. It could be a copy-cat, or a fan even, someone that heard about the M.O. and is trying to replicate it. They are obviously not very good at it.”

“That’s where we are going to need your help,” Sergeant Haylock intervened. “We need to see if anyone has been released recently, anyone that Katya caught that may want revenge. That bitch put a lot of freaks in jail. Any of those weirdos could be responsible for this.”

“Kasha and Tempest, can you help me get the info from her old cases? We need to check on anyone that was released over the last six months… a year even.” The duo nodded in sync to Trixie’s request. “Jasmine, Kennedy, please, go to her apartment building, find out if anybody noticed anything. See if you can get any footage from nearby stores or something.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Jasmine responded right away. “Imma need you awake for this one, Jush.” She playfully pushed her partner who simply elbowed her back.

Despite the situation, Trixie couldn’t help but chuckle. “Violet, Ginger, you are working with me.”

Violet hummed an approval but, as was expected, Ginger complained right away. “Who said I wanted to work with you?”

Sergeant Haylock rolled his eyes with a loud huff. “Look, bitch, I know you are too busy, now that you joined the fucking circus, but leave the clown attitude at the tent, will you?” Ginger had no reply to that, she simply did her best attempt at crossing her arms over her large chest as the sergeant continued. “You both worked the case with Katya at different stages, that’s why you are working together.”

“We all are,” Trixie butted in. “Look, guys, we all love her, and we all want to see whoever did this to her pay for it. Let’s work together and catch this guy.”

Captain Charles dismissed the meeting once each member of the team had a task assigned.

Trixie walked with Violet and Ginger close behind her. The pair talked about what had transpired since the last time they saw each other, which was surprisingly not that long ago. Trixie wondered if they used those opportunities to talk about her. They made it clear they had commented on their shared dislike for her. She could very easily picture them at brunch, mimosas in their hands, laughing at how stupid one of her outfits was. Suddenly, Trixie felt very angry at them, at the hypothetical version of them roasting her over scrambled eggs and buttery toast.

“What is all this?” Ginger’s voice came from behind her, a tone of bewilderment lacing her words. Her fingers traced the pictures placed on a crock board. Her eyes followed the ribbons that went from wall to wall, connecting Katya’s friends and family members. There were notes and post-its with details next to each person.

“This is Katya’s life,” Violet answered with a side smile on her face. “Trixie,” she said as a way of explanation.

“You did all this…” Ginger turned to Trixie. “In just two days?”

Trixie shrugged one shoulder. “Yesterday. Spent the whole day with her on Saturday.”

Her mouth opened in surprised, Ginger practically had to pick her jaw from the floor to speak again. “This is… incredible.” Her eyes travelled through the many pieces of information. Everything that Katya liked was listed, all her favorite restaurants, cafés, even the parks she visited. Schedules of all the different classes Katya attended had being printed, and pictures of the instructors accompanied each pamphlet. “You really know her, huh?”

“I know her likes and interests,” Trixie said, dismissing Ginger’s words. “There are so many layers of her,” she exhaled in a sigh, the complexity of Katya overwhelming her yet again. “It’s really hard to fully know her. I try, though, I really do. She’s just too much, all at once, you know?”

A small chuckle escaped Ginger’s lips. “I do.” She nodded. “I miss that little nutcase.” Her eyes went once again to the board, where Katya smiled at her from at least six different angles. “I miss seeing her walking around with the earphones in, the wire just hanging unplugged.”

“Ohmygod, yes!” Trixie laughed loudly, and lifted her hands in the air. “Because it’s a lot easier to unplug one thing from the computer–”

“Than two from the ears,” both Trixie and Ginger said in unison.

Something immediately changed; as if a switch had been flipped that pushed all the anger and resentment to the side. Violet laughed at them, probably not really following the conversation, but understanding the bond Katya could cause between people.

Ginger pointed at a picture of Courtney Act, placed right in the center. “Have you talked to this asshole?” The tone of her voice still showed a tint of amusement.

Trixie understood the term was more or less one of endearment, not precisely an insult, so she simply nodded her head. “She was the last one to see her, meaning the first person I talked to.”

“What did she say?” Ginger asked.

“They left the party and went for ice-cream,” Trixie offered. “Katya wasn’t feeling well. They made plans to meet the next day for a late lunch. Courtney took her home, left her right at the front gate.”

Ginger’s eyes travelled across the board, trying to find the answer to her next question before she pronounced it. “Did she notice anything unusual?”

“Nope, but it was dark and she wasn’t really paying attention. She just waited until Katya entered the building to leave. That’s why I’m trying to get footage of the street.”

A chubby finger pointed at the blueprint on the far end of the room. “What is that? Is that a map of the building?” Ginger asked.

Trixie explained, in full detail, all the information she had deemed relevant enough to be put up around the room. Ginger listened, like, really listened. She asked questions when needed and added facts if Trixie didn’t have them. It took them almost an hour to go through everything and, by lunch time, they had a whiteboard with a drawn calendar, graphing every single one of Katya’s activities of the last month.

“Wait, what’s on Thursday nights?” Violet asked, pointing at the empty slot at eight p.m. every week on the same day.

Both Trixie and Ginger lifted their heads, noticing the space for the first time. They went through the many pieces of paper they had in hand, Trixie pulled up the spreadsheet they had on her laptop, there was no indication of what Katya did at that time. She didn’t take any classes that late at night, she usually took them in the morning. They checked the many receipts they had found in her car and house one more time. Katya wasn’t precisely a creature of habit but even her grocery shopping was done right after work. There was nothing that could indicate what she did during that hour.

Violet rolled her eyes, huffing softly. “So, I guess I’m gonna be the bitch that says it, but… could she be using again?”

If looks could kill, the thin girl would be dead under the stare of the two women flanking her. “No way,” Ginger was the one to answer. “We literally just talked about it at dinner the other night. She’s clean.”

Trixie laughed, the thought was almost ridiculous. “Plus, it’s not like she’s gonna have, I don’t know, a meth appointment. Those things are, like, if you need it, you need it, right? It’s not like you are gonna be all: nope, can’t get fucked up today, gotta wait until Thursday.” She laughed again at her own words, causing yet another eye roll from her coworker.

“Okay, okay, I get it,” Violet said, her hands going up in surrender. “I didn’t mean in that particular time frame but, don’t tell me the possibility didn’t cross your mind.”

“Not even once,” Trixie assured her.

“She had really been set on doing things right for a while now,” Ginger reminded them.

That was when an idea crossed Trixie’s mind. “Okay, but listen, what about a therapist? Could she be seeing someone?”

Ginger nodded effusively. “She could, she could; when you went through her emails, did you find anything about that?”

Violet shook her head, then turned to Trixie, who suddenly had grown quiet.

“Not a therapist,” Trixie said after a few beats of silence, almost to herself. “She had…” The sentence was left there as she moved to a box sitting in a corner of the room, she rummaged through it until she found her prize. She flipped the small coin in the air, catching it and reading the engraving. “She must have a sponsor, maybe they met at the group at that time.” She flipped the round piece of medal again, this time to land in Ginger’s awaiting hands.

“This bitch really is good,” Ginger said to Violet, a cheeky grin pasted on her lips as she pointed at Trixie with her thumb. “So people really do like her, huh?”

“She’s… polarizing,” Violet conceded, her personality wouldn’t allow her to give a direct compliment.

Trixie screamed in laughter. “You bitch! Now, c’mon. We need to find this place.”

It didn’t take them long. The group met in a library just a few blocks down the precinct. Leave it to Katya to have all the important places of her life within walking distance. Ginger and Trixie walked there, and Violet went back to the club, to see if Bob the bartender remembered anything about that night. They were welcomed by a sign that read “Courage to Change” and had the different logos for the groups that held meetings there. Trixie could only recognize the AA and NA insignias among the bunch, but she didn’t give it much importance as she walked the empty hallways.

“Oh, hi!” A girl shouted from behind a desk at the end of the room, several rows of chairs separated her from the detectives. That didn’t stop her from yelling her greetings to them. “Are you twelfths?”

“Excuse me?” Ginger asked, feeling insulted.

The girl laughed loudly, bending forward, and allowing her green hair to completely cover her face. She made a show of throwing it back, both her hands pushing away the curtain of unruly hair. She stood up, her heavy boots hitting hard against the wooden floor. Her jeans were ripped and there was a plaid shirt tied around her waist. She couldn’t be more than eighteen years old.

“I just asked if you were new. Haven’t seen you around here. I would definitely remember you.” She looked at Trixie up and down, making her feel uncomfortable knowing her face was bare of any makeup; and the set of sweats and hoodie, with the LAPD seal printed on it, were not exactly sexy. “Hi, I’m Adore D.” The girl extended her hand and shook Trixie’s first and then Ginger’s.

“I’m Detective Mattel, and this is Detective Minj.”

“Party!” Adore said, her eyes growing wide in excitement.

“We are actually here looking for our friend,” Ginger offered, pulling up a picture of Katya on her phone. “Have you seen this woman?”

Adore bit her lip nervously. “You know, we are anonymous for a reason.” She looked around, as if making sure nobody could hear her. “We are not supposed to, like, know where we live or work, stuff like that. We can’t even tell each other’s full names and shit. But, like, is this complete stranger woman, who I may or may not have seen before, in danger or something?” Her voice fluctuated theatrically, obviously trying to tell them she was purposely keeping information from them.

Trixie nodded her head. “She was attacked last Friday night. She’s unconscious in the hospital right now.”

“Oh, fuck!” The girl seemed genuinely surprised to get that information. “Shit. Okay. Hold on.” She moved her head slightly to the side, which did nothing to redirect the loud scream from the detectives’ ears. “Fame!” She waited a few seconds but there was no response so she did it again. “Fame! The police is here! It’s Katya!”

Right away, a head popped out from behind a door. “Who, what now?”

Adore had her hand covering her mouth, close to tears, she only removed it to speak again. “They say Katya’s been attacked. She’s fucking unconscious, man.”

Long fingers pulled the door opened, and the slim woman invited them into the office. She was beautiful, gorgeous. She pushed her long skirt aside as she sat down behind a desk, motioning them to take the seats across from it.

“Please, take a seat. I’m Fame, I direct this community of centers, and have sponsored Katya for several twenty-four hours now. What can I do to help? ”

Trixie analyzed the woman’s perfectly applied makeup, feeling more and more insecure in her own state; but this wasn’t about her, it was about Katya. She right away redirected her thoughts to the task at hand. “We are trying to trace back her steps, and we have a window of time that we can’t fill out. Do you meet regularly?”

The styled curls bounced as Fame nodded. “I see her every Thursday at eight. We have meetings every night at seven, but she can’t always make it.”

“Do you know if she was going through something major? Any indications that she was in trouble, or was there something that could get her hurt?” Ginger asked.

This time Fame shook her head. “Well, I can’t tell you much. This is not like that doctor-patient confidentiality stuff, a sponsorship goes way deeper than that. What I can say is that she has been living every day as it came, fighting demons as we all are, and taming them the best she could. She knows she is loved, and fuels from it.” There was a soft smile on her face, it was secretive. “She knows she’s not alone, if she had issues she knows who to talk to.”

Trixie met eyes with her, and she knew exactly what she meant. Fame knew who Trixie was, and the role she played in Katya’s life, which seemed to be a lot bigger than Trixie herself had realized. There was a moment of complicity as the women held each other’s stare, having a wordless conversation, until Ginger’s heavy accent broke the trance.

“Girl, the fuck does that mean?”

Fame smile got wider, understanding. Katya’s world was, most likely, finally materializing in front of her eyes. All the characters she only knew from Katya’s tales and experiences were coming to life. “To answer your previous question, no, she wasn’t in trouble, or involved in anything that could have caused her getting hurt.”

Both Trixie and Ginger thanked the director and provided the hospital information so she could go visit Katya. Trixie left her card, encouraging Fame to use it if she remembered anything important, or if any other member mentioned information relevant to the case. Fame once again let them know she had no authority to do that, but promised to stay in touch.

Trixie walked back to the precinct lost in thought, not really listening to everything Ginger had to say about the picturesque personalities they had just encountered. She went on and on about Adore’s hair and Fame’s tattoo of a chicken. All of that was completely irrelevant. She still didn’t know what had happened to Katya, but she wasn’t defeated. A door closing only meant they needed to find a new one, and if that didn’t hold the answer either, then they will continue knocking on door after door after door.

One thing Trixie knew for sure, she wasn’t going to stop until she found whoever hurt Katya.

#rpdr fanfiction #trixie mattel #katya zamolodchikova #trixya #ginger minj #violet chachki #bianca del rio #adore delano #miss fame #rupaul #lesbian au #laws of motion #dendenmonmon #submission

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sourwolf-sterek32 · 5 years

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Hurt ( Daryl Dixon Mini-Series )

Summary: You learnt very early that it wasn’t the dead you should fear, it was the living, especially the Saviours. It’s been six months since you managed to escape the Sanctuary with a little girl called Clementine. The two of you finding your old family farm, away from humanity. That was until you found a man named Daryl Dixon trying to hotwire one of your trucks.

Pairings: Daryl Dixon x Reader

Word Count: 3.6k

Warnings: descriptions of blood, gut, physical injuries, slight reference to sexual assault, past abuse and child abuse (none of this written in detail)

Chapter 2-

Daryl didn't know why, but for some reason he was really intrigued by you. You seemed like the kind of woman who could take care of herself and not take anyone's shit, but also the kind of woman who seemed to care for others, especially since you stitched up his thigh. You were kind of mysterious as well which is what intrigued him the most, you seemed like a fierce country girl who could shoot a bow, but he also saw a hint of fear in you when he raised his voice. You had this look in your eyes, that felt familiar, but he couldn't quite pinpoint it.

He knew he should be angry that you tied to him up inside a stable, but for some reason he just couldn't be angry.

"Hello?" A child's voice suddenly called from outside the stables as his head shot up in shock. Was that a kid? Why was there a kid here? "Are you awake?"

"Yeah, who are you?" Daryl questioned staring towards the door to the stall he was in as footsteps got closer before the door swung open as a little girl walked in. She would have had to be no older then 12 years old as he stared at her in confusion.

"I'm Clementine. You're Daryl?" She asked quietly and he nodded as she closed the door behind her before sitting on top of the small hay bale in the corner of the stall.

"Ya mother know you're here?" He asked, knowing full well you wouldn't want her here with a stranger like him.

"Y/N isn't my mum." She answered. Y/N. So that was her name. It kinda suited her, pretty name for a pretty face, he thought to himself.

"Who is she then?" He found himself asking, although he wasn't sure why he wanted to know so much about the strange woman.

"She found me at the beginning, protected me and taught me how to defend myself. She was the leader of our group, kept us safe, kept us all alive until..." Clementine trailed off as she looked down sadly and Daryl had a sinking feeling in his stomach at what the young girl was going to say.

"Until what?"

"The bad guys came. Killed everyone; Kenny, Luke, Omid, Alvin, Rebecca, Jane, everyone. But they took us, they did things to Y/N... bad things. But she got us out of there and we came here. Haven't met any other people since, that's why she might seem a bit harsh." She explained and slowly Daryl began to understand why you had been a bit sceptical about him. The last people you had come in contact with had hurt her in ways he didn't even want to think about. It's a wonder why she didn't just shoot him on the spot, he sure as hell would have in her position.

"So it's just the two of you?" He asked and the girl nodded as he smiled slightly. That was smart, you told him there would always be someone outside with a gun, but there wasn't anyone else. That was cleaver thinking.

"You should go, kid. Y/N probably doesn't want ya out here with me." Daryl said after a few minutes of silence as he watched the little girl jump off the hay bale as she reached for the door before glancing back over at him.

"She won't kill you, not unless you do something to try hurt us." She said, and Daryl nodded in understanding, watching as the little girl walked off leaving him sitting there thinking about everything she had just said. So, you used to be the leader of your group, but then got attacked by bad guys... Shit, that's awful. He knew how painful it was to basically lose his whole group, back when the Governor attacked and everyone got split up. He thought they were dead, that he was never gonna see them again, but he was wrong, thank God.

"It's going to be dark soon, are you letting the man go?" Clementine suddenly asked glancing over her shoulder towards you as you walked into the lounge room before she turned back to her drawings she was colouring in on the coffee table.

"Yeah, I know. I'm gonna go talk to him now. Go have a shower and get ready for bed, I'll be back in half an hour to tuck you in, alright?" You said slinging the backpack you just filled over your shoulders as the little girl nodded in response before you walked out the room.

You were now in denim shorts and a black tank top after your shower, but you still had your belt clipped around the band of your shorts with your handgun and knife, you never went anywhere without them. Slipping on your boots and grabbing your hat from the hook on the wall and made you way outside, taking in the last of the sunrays as the sun slowly began to set behind the trees in the distance.

"Still alive in here?" You called, walking into the stables as you heard Daryl grunt in response before you opened the door to the stall he was in to find him still sitting in the same spot, with his hands tied behind his back. "I need to bring the animals in the stables for the night, so I gotta take you into he barn, it'll be more comfortable in there anyway." You explained walking over to him as you pulled your knife out.

"You try anything and I won't hesitate to kill you." You warned and Daryl just nodded as you began cutting the rope that was attached to the wooden post behind him. You weren't stupid enough to cut his restraints off entirely, he was still a stranger after all, so made sure to leave the rope around his wrists, behind his back.

You helped him stand up from where he was sitting, but as soon as you let go he nearly fell over and you mentally facepalmed for forgetting about the stitches in his thigh before you quickly grabbed his shoulders as he grunted in pain.

"I don't need ya help. Can walk on my own." He muttered in annoyance, but you just rolled your eyes as you helped him walk out the stables and towards the barn.

"Your leg is gonna be sore for a while, you're lucky the wound didn't get infected." You commented as you opened the large wooden doors to the barn before you helped him inside.

"I've had worse, Rabbit." Daryl responded, glancing over at you and you hated the fact that you could recognise the look in his eyes as memories of the Sanctuary flash through your mind.

"So have I." You simply replied as you pulled your knife back out and cut the last of the rope off his wrists, freeing his hands. "Don't make me regret this." You muttered while helping him sit down against a hay bale in the corner of the barn before you pulled your backpack off your shoulders and handed him the container of food along with a spoon.

"What's this?" He questioned staring at the food in surprise before looking back over at you as you sat down against another hay bale opposite him.

"A toy tractor. What does it look like?" You responded sarcastically as you leant back against the hay bale, bringing your knees up to your chest as you wrapped your arms around them while watching him as he began to eat the rabbit stew you made a few hours ago.

"It's going to be dark soon, so you can stay in here for the night if you want, but you're free to leave. You can take the motorcycle in the garage if you know how to ride and go." You said after a few minutes as Daryl stopped eating and looked over at you.

"Ya should come with me, and the kid too." Daryl began to say and you frowned at the mention of Clementine. How the hell did he know about her? "She came to me earlier and talked for a bit and then left. I know it's just the two of ya here, but you can come with me. My group, we have a community, it's safe and surrounded by walls. No walkers can get in, you and Clementine would be safe." Daryl began to explain and froze. No, no, no, you were not going back to the Sanctuary. He was a Saviour, you were wrong. How could you be so stupid and let your guard down around him? He was with Negan.

"Who the hell are you?" You suddenly questioned, quickly standing up as you pulled out your handgun, flicking the safety off as you aimed at him.

"What?" Daryl asked dumbly as stared at the gun in confusion.

"How did you find us?!" You shouted, panic evident in your voice as your hands trembled while you kept the gun aimed at the man.

"Whoa, I ain't whoever ya think I am, Rabbit." He tried to say, but you shook your head.

"Bullshit! He sent you, didn't he? I'm not going back, I won't go back!" You yelled, your finger hovering over the trigger as you felt tears starting to burn in your eyes. You knew they would find you sooner or later, you should have just killed Daryl when you found him.

"I don't know what ya talkin' 'bout. I'm from a community called Alexandria, I ain't gonna hurt ya or the kid." Daryl said calmly, still sitting on the ground as he stared up at you.

"Alexandria? Who's the leader of your group?" You questioned, you had never heard of an outpost called Alexandria... Maybe he wasn't a Saviour...

"Rick. He wouldn't do anythin' to hurt either of ya, he's a good man." Daryl explained, keeping his tone gentle as he watched you process what he just said before you suddenly lowered your gun.

"Thank God." You whispered, bolstering your gun as you slowly sat back down opposite Daryl, his eyes watching you the entire time as he tried to workout what made you so panicked.

"Who did ya think I was?" He asked cautiously, realising this was clearly a sensitive topic as you slowly lifted your head meeting his worried eyes.

"A few months back, my group ran into another group. They weren't good people, they slaughtered my friends right in front of me and took Clem and I back to their community with them. When you began explaining Alexandria with it's fences, I thought you were apart of that same community." You half explained with a shrug as Daryl nodded in understanding. Neither of you said anything for a few minutes as Daryl continued eating the food.

"Do ya have a map and a pen?" He asked randomly and you nodded.

"Yeah, I'll go get it. I gotta put Clementine to bed and the animals in the barn. I'll be back in 20 minutes."

When you walked back into the barn you were shocked to find Daryl still sitting where you had left him as you smiled softly before handing him the map and pen.

"Don't make me regret this, but these are yours too." You said handing him his crossbow and hunting knife, your fingers brushing against his as he took the weapons with an appreciative nod.

"Thanks." He muttered before he began studying the map in his hands while you watched curiously.

"The farm is here." You stated noticing his confusion as you pointed to the location on the map before sitting down beside him.

"You aren't that far away from Alexandria, it's only an hours drive north." Daryl informed as he drew a circle on the map before labelling it Alexandria. "The community takes people in, if ya ever change your mind."

"I will keep that mind, but Clem and I are pretty set up here." You answered and Daryl nodded in understanding as you grabbed the backpack from earlier and pulled out a blanket. "It shouldn't get too cold tonight, but figured it would be more comfortable than a dirt floor." You half explained, handing the man the fleece blanket, his eyes locking with yours for a few seconds as you took in how blue they actually were.

"Thanks." He muttered and you could almost hear the uncertainty in his voice as to why you were being so nice to him and if you were being honest you had no idea why.

"I'll leave the key in the motorbike for you and you can leave whenever you want... Just don't tell anyone about this place, please." You asked, slinging the bag over your shoulder as you glanced over at him as he nodded from where he sat.

"Goodnight, Daryl. Don't go trying to steal someone else's truck, they might not be as friendly as me." You joked as you began walking out the barn and you heard Daryl chuckle slightly from behind you.

"Night, Rabbit."

It took you hours to fall asleep that night. You just couldn't seem to shut your brain off, your mind automatically going to Daryl. You didn't know why you were so interested in the man, you barely knew him, yet something made you feel drawn to him and you had no idea what.

Yes, he was a very attractive guy, no point trying to argue with that and he seemed like a good person, but that still didn't change the fact that you hardly knew him. He was going to be gone by morning so there wasn't any point getting attached to the man, but for some reason you felt a little sad about that. God, Y/N get a grip of yourself. You're not a kid anymore, you're a strong, independent woman and a single man should not have this much control over you. Especially not a man who you met 24 hours ago.

With a sigh you forced yourself out of bed. The sun shining through the small gap in your bedroom curtains indicating that it was probably time to get your ass up.

You yawned walking down the hallway, banging on Clementine's door until you heard her groaning in annoyance for being woken up before you headed towards the front door.

You glanced towards the barn in the distance, but you couldn't tell if Daryl had left yet so you walked around the outside of the house to where the generator was set up as you flicked the switched and turned it on before heading back inside for a shower to wake yourself up.

"So you let the man leave?" Clementine asked as she helped you with the dishes from breakfast and tea from last night.

"Yeah, told him he could stay the night if he wanted to though. It's dangerous outside in the dark." You answered, handing her another plate as she began to dry it with a towel.

"It's dangerous during daytime too." She commented and you nodded in agreement. Nothing was safe in this world anymore.

"What do you say, I teach you a bit more about horse riding after you finish your homework?" You asked, glancing over at the girl who quickly nodded in excitement. There weren't any schools or any for education in this new world and Clem wasn't even a teenager yet. So you try your best to help teach her and give her an education. You stick to the basic subjects like maths, English and history, but you also teach her life lessons and survival like how tie different kinds of nots and how to drive.

"I'm finished! Can we go ride the horses now?" Clementine asked nearly 20 minutes later as you finished restringing your recurve bow between helping her with English.

"Alright, go put your boots on. I'll meet you by the stables." You replied, standing up from the couch as you slipped your bow over your shoulder and began walking towards the front door, grabbing your hat from the hook as you made your way towards the stables.

You glanced towards the barn, noticing that the front door was opened slightly and for some reason you felt your heart drop as you realised that Daryl had already left.

Within minutes you let the animals out in the paddock, minus the wo horses as you began to saddle them up.

Clementine was a fast learner, she had only had been on a horse twice but she already seemed like a natural.

"Get on your horse! Let's ride around the paddock together." Clementine shouted, glancing over her shoulder towards you as you leant against the fence watching her with a proud smile. "Y/N, come on!" She whined and you laughed, but nodded as you fixed your cowgirl hat on your head before jumping over the fence.

"Alright, come on boy." You said gently, walking over to the black stallion that you had saddled up earlier and within five minutes the two of you were riding around the paddock together. You had never seen the young girl smile and laugh so much whenever she was horse riding and you were gonna do everything you can to keep her smiling. She had been through so much since the whole world turned to shit, it was hard to remember that she was just a kid sometimes.

By the time he actually woke up, the sun was blinding him through the gap in the barn door, of course he decided to sleep in the one spot where the sun would hit him directly through the gap. But, he did have to admit that was the best sleep he'd had in a while even if he was on the floor of some old fashioned barn.

Slowly he sat himself up, rubbing his sore thigh beside the bandage and stitches that Y/N had sown on him and he knew if she didn't do that then he would have probably gotten an infection or worse. He could hear faint voices outside occasionally and he realised that he must have really slept in if Y/N was already awake and probably feeding the farm animals.

Grabbing his crossbow from the ground beside him, he began making his way out the barn. Squinting at the sudden bright light before his eyes adjusted and he spotted Y/N and Clementine in the paddock by the stables, both of them on horse back.

He could see the young girl laughing at something Y/N must have said, both them with matching bright smiles as they rode the horses. He had never seen you smile like that before, after everything you had told him about how your whole group was killed and you were captured by a bad group of people, he couldn't believe you how strong you were, how despite everything you had been through, you were still smiling and for some reason that made him respect you even more.

"Sit up a bit straighter, don't slouch." He heard you instruct as he began walking towards the paddock. He watched as Clementine did as she was told and sat up straighter on the saddle and he didn't miss the proud smile on your face as you watched the young girl.

"That's it! You're a natural." You shouted, turning your horse around as you started trotting back towards Clem before your hat suddenly flew off your head. You quickly reached up to grab it when you felt it getting loose, but you were too late as you watched it fly through the sky, landing by the fence as you eyes spotted Daryl walking towards the paddock.

You felt your heart skip a beat as your eyes landed on his, watching as he bent down to pick up your hat before leaning against the paddock fence watching you with an unreadable expression.

"Hey, stranger." You called as you slowed your horse down to a walking pace, glancing over at Clementine who seemed to have everything under control before you bought your attention back to the man you thought you had already left, but clearly you were wrong.

"Hey, Rabbit." He replied as his mouth twitched and you were pretty sure he was fighting a smile as he looked over at you.

"Hey, Daryl. I thought you left." Clementine's voice suddenly called as she came up beside you, still on her horse as the two of you rode your horses over to the fence.

"Was just 'bout to. Thought I'd say goodbye before I go." Daryl replied, glancing from Clementine back to you as you jumped down from your horse, walking towards Daryl as he held your hat towards you through the fence.

"Thanks."

"Nah, thank you for what ya did for me. I'd probably be dead right now if I came across someone other than ya... So thanks for givin' me a chance." Daryl said as he fiddled with the strap of his crossbow over his shoulder before continuing. "I should go now, but I can't take ya bike. I'll be fine walkin'."

"Yeah? You said Alexandria was an hours drive away. You aren't walking that far, especially with those stitches. Take the dirt bike, it's got a full tank." You replied, but you could tell Daryl wanted to keep arguing by the look on his face and you shook your head, crossing your arms over your chest. "It's not up for debate."

"Stubborn woman." Daryl muttered, but you didn't miss the slight upturn of his lips as he smiled. "Take care of yourself, Rabbit. Alexandria is always open if ya change your mind." Daryl reminded and you nodded with a grateful smile as you watched him walk off.

"Daryl. If you come across a group called the Saviours, don't mess with them. Just run, alright?" You warned as Daryl glanced over his shoulder towards in slight confusion, but once he saw the serious expression on your face he simply nodded.

NEXT CHAPTER

A/N: Tumblr is being annoying and not showing posts with tags and links with them so I will reblog this with my tag list and the link to my Masterlist is in my bio for all my other Daryl Dixon fics

Anyway, hope you guys are enjoying this fic and I would love to hear your thoughts about it. Until next time stay safe everyone and have a great day xx

#Daryl Dixon #Daryl Dixon x Reader #The Walking Dead #Asexual Reader #Daryl Dixon Fanfiction #daryl dixon imagine #daryl x reader #twd #twd fanfiction #twd masterlist

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proxylynn · 6 years

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UNDERFELL: FILE NAME NOT EDGY ENOUGH part #5

Chapter 5: Mercy WARNING: I WANT NO RESPONSIBILITY OVER SPOILING THINGS FOR OTHERS. THAT BEING SAID, THIS IS HOW FILE NAME NOT FOUND WOULD FUNCTION IN THE AU OF UNDERFELL. BEFORE YOU READ THIS, UNLIKE THE NICE TIME OF UNDERTALE, THIS WORLD IS KILL OR BE KILLED. THIS STORY WILL BE GRAPHIC, GORY, USE SWEARS LIKE NOBODY'S BUSINESS, AND DEAL WITH SENSITIVE SUBJECT MATTERS. FOR EXAMPLE, THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE READ THE FILE NAME RELOCATED SPOOF WILL KNOW HOW I PICTURE THIS VERSION OF LYNSIE COMING TO THE UNDERGROUND. IT IS NOT AN ACCIDENT. IT IS NOT BECAUSE OF SOMETHING DUMB. IT IS BECAUSE SHE CHOOSES TO END HER LIFE. SO TAKE THIS WITH A GRAIN OF SALT. I MADE IT BECAUSE I NEEDED TO LET SOME OF THIS EDGINESS OUT OF MYSELF. WHICH I GUESS MAKES UNDERFELL LYNSIE EVEN MORE TRUE TO WHO I REALLY AM. ANYWAY, ENJOY. ^_^ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Time passes here in the Underground with no notice. I'm not sure what is a day or night from down here. Though my iPod has a watch function, I'm not sure if I'm able to trust it after drying it out. There's no internet signal for it to sync up with, so I don't know if the time it tells me if what it really is or just the continuation from when it got waterlogged. I'm just grateful it still works. Would've hated to lose all my tunes. Does suck I can't get a radio signal either, but you win some and lose some sometimes. Flowey has been helpful in adjusting to how things work down here. He's a real treasure trove of things. He tells me ways of improving my stats because apparently, I'm super weak by monster standards. Every being, humans, and monster, has a set of basic stats. HP. ATK. DEF. LV. EXP. HP is the level of Endurance that determines the damage a person can take before dying. My maximum HP is at 20 and, what Flowey tells me, will only increase when my LV does. Resting will fully heal and raise HP 10 points above its maximum amount. HP can also be restored through consumable items like food and drinks. An attack hitting the receiving party lowers their HP. The loss is dependent on the attacking party's ATK and that of the receipt's DEF. Upon reaching 0 HP, that's it, you die. It doesn't matter if you're human or monster. There's no coming back when your number is up. ATK determines the damage output of the attacking party. My base ATK is 10 and, like with the HP, can also increase with LV. But that's not the only way. Equipping a weapon can raise ATK, as well as certain ACTs or consumables but that's only a temporary thing. When ATK is high enough, one can spare an opponent without needing to use the ACT button. This rule is true even of monsters that have a non-traditional sparing method. DEF determines the damage input for the defending party. My base DEF is 10, and again, can increase with LV or equipping armor type items such as the ribbon in my hair. Just like with ATK, can be changed temporarily with certain ACTs or consumables. DEF is subtracted from the damage output of the attacking party. However, it cannot lower the taken damage to a value less than 1. LV increases HP, ATK, and DEF when it rises. All humans and monsters start at LV 1 and can raise it as high as 20 or so Flowey assumes, he's unsure if it can exceed this amount or not. And of course, EXP is gained by killing. When you accumulate enough EXP, your LV increases. So in a way, it is like experience points...for murder. However, there are other stats that one doesn't outright see when in the midst of a fight. INV is for Invulnerability. This determines the number of moments an attack cannot hurt the victim after they receive a hit. It is a hidden stat that apparently can only increase through certain Armor items. SPEED, as the name implies, determines the velocity someone can move at while in a fight. It is a hidden stat that can temporarily increase with certain ACTs and consumables. Lastly, the creepiest one of them all...MDR, or better known as Murder Level. It is an entirely internal statistic that tracks the progress of death when someone kills. This stat begins at 0 because no one can knowingly kill at birth. So in that aspect, it shares a similar trait with LV. Knowing this, I now have some tough choices to make. I still don't intend to kill, so that means I'll gain no EXP and my LV will remain at 1, thus I'll remain weak compared to everyone else. Nothing but LV will increase my HP and that sucks big time. So this means I'll need to increase my DEF so that the damage I do take isn't as strong as it should be. I'll need to find these Armor items or in the very least train my ass off to increase my SPEED. Because you can't hit what can't be caught. Toriel has also been one I try to learn from, all be it with caution. I tend to go about this like child since she sees me as one. I go to her bookcase, select a book, read it, then pretend to not understand so she'll read it to me, and then ask her about it while also sliding in other off-topic questions along the lines of things I do want to know. Of course, I do mix this tactic up every now and again. Otherwise, it would become too obvious what I'm doing. When not trying to prob her mind, I get a feel for Toriel as a person. And yes, I know that came out dirtier than intended, but fuck you for thinking about it. Toriel is a, for lack of better words, a decent cook. When it comes to sweets, she's epic. Other things, not so much. Also, she has this unusual appetite for eating slugs or snails if she can't find any slugs. While she doesn't try to shove them down my throat, watching her eat them makes my stomach twist to the point it gets hard to eat. Toriel is rather intelligent when not touched with moments of madness. This side of her actually backfired on me. Believing my inquisitiveness to be a cry out for teaching, she now schools me with a curriculum she's had prepared for just such a reason. There is a good thing to this though, as it imbues Toriel with more trust in me. This trusting faith allows me to venture around without her needing to watch over me or allow me a certain distance away past the big tree. But you might be wondering how she keeps tabs on me if she can't visibly see me. Simple...She gave me a cell phone. It's a really old thing that probably fell down here, it's clearly seen better days as the body and tiny screen are cracked, but it still works. I've also taken it upon myself to give her a nickname, Nanny. Get it? Because nanny is another way of saying female goat. No? At least she thinks it's funny. But yeah, now my days are amuck with class time with teacher Toriel and workout training with Flowey. The training is both worth it and yet not really. On the plus side, my stats do increase. The negative side, the rate at which my stats increase is bullshit. In the amount of time of what feels like a week, my base stats of HP 20, ATK 10, and DEF 10 increase by a total of 6 points. HP 24, ATK 12, and DEF 10. Flowey does tell me that DEF will increase over time, but at a much slower rate than the other two. He estimates along the line of about four weeks of training will equal enough effort to better my DEF. So think about that for a second. Four weeks to get a single point on my DEF stat while HP and ATK keep increasing? I know right? You'd think they'd be more evenly gained. But no! Argh...There's gotta be a better way that won't take so long. Maybe if I work out a bit before bed, add in some extra hours by cutting down on other things? Fuck it! Math was never my forte. Today I feel lazy. I don't feel like doing anything. But sleeping all day wouldn't be a thing I could do because Flowey would bitch at me and then Toriel would nag me. So I stare aimlessly in thought into the fireplace. More freaky shit's been popping up in my life. There's the voice that whispers in my ear at random with even more random things to say. Like, I walked out of the bathroom the other day and stopped to check myself in the hallway's mirror. No more than a couple seconds in did that voice chime in. {It's you!} Freaked me out a bit. Now when I go near it, it says something else. {Still you, Lynsie.} Cocky little shit. If I ever see what is making that voice, I'm gonna beat some manners into it. I know it's not Napstablook at least. After some time, the ghost was willing to come see me again. Had to apologize out the ass for making him so uncomfortable last time. Though he's not without his moments for making me uncomfortable either. Often times I can't get to sleep due to my random insomnia and I'll find him watching me from across the room. He plays it off as he's only doing what I asked, for him to watch over me, but I really should've been more specific. Because the creepy part is not knowing for how long he watches or where he watches me at. I mean, I like the guy, but I really don't need to think a ghost is watching me shower. I just don't. At least Blook-man isn't a jerk like the weirdo that sometimes pops up in my dreams. That creepy voice is beginning to sound more clear the more I dream about it. I haven't seen where or what makes this voice, but the clearer it gets, the more this dude sounds like he's got a big stick up his annoyed ass. Yet I know the inevitable is coming. Soon I'll end up seeing who this condescending creep is. I dread that moment. My dreams are not under my control anymore. This voice is forcing me to interact with it and that makes my blood run cold. I can't control my subconscious. I can't stop these moments from happening. I can't do anything! I'm not in control anymore! What is ̡hap̴pe͞ning ̨t͘ò m̵e͝?͏!̷ "My child? Is everything all right?" Toriel's been sitting in her chair and reading for a couple hours now. Flowey's taking a nap in our room. "I'm fine, Nanny." "Are you sure? You've been awfully silent for a long time." "I'm fine, Nanny." She frowns as I try to clear my head of all this madness. "Um, I want you to know how glad I am to have you here. There are so many old books I want to share. I want to show you my favorite bug-hunting spot." I don't say anything. I just keep my eyes on the dancing flames. "Want to know what I have been reading?" I shrug. "It's called 'Beyond The Slime: Snails, Slugs, and other Gastropods'. How about it? Would you like me to tell you bits of it?" "If you want to, go ahead." "All right, here's an exciting snail fact. Did you know that snails...Talk. Really. Slowly?" Not as interesting as you think Toriel. Wait...they can talk? "Just kidding, snails don't talk. Interesting yes?" And just like that, I'm bored. Her jokes are usually more entertaining than this. "Snails are distinguished by an anatomical process known as torsion, where the visceral mass of the animal rotates 180° to one side during development, such that the anus is situated more or less above the head. This process is unrelated to the coiling of the shell, which is a separate phenomenon. Torsion is present in all gastropods, but the opisthobranch gastropods are secondarily de-torted to various degrees. Torsion occurs in two stages. The first, mechanistic stage, is muscular, and the second is mutagenetic. The effects of torsion are primarily physiological - the organism develops an asymmetrical growth, with the majority occurring on the left side. This leads to the loss of right-paired appendages (e.g., ctenidia (comb-like respiratory apparatus), gonads, nephridia, etc.). Furthermore, the anus becomes redirected to the same space as the head. This is speculated to have some evolutionary function, as prior to torsion, when retracting into the shell, first the posterior end would get pulled in, and then the anterior. Now, the front can be retracted more easily, perhaps suggesting a defensive purpose. However, this 'rotation hypothesis' is being challenged by the 'asymmetry hypothesis' in which the gastropod mantle cavity originated from one side only of a bilateral set of mantle cavities." Huh...I guess that's kind of neat. "Gastropods typically have a well-defined head with two or four sensory tentacles with eyes, and a ventral foot, which gives them their name (Greek gaster, stomach, and poda, feet). The foremost division of the foot is called the propodium. Its function is to push away sediment as the snail crawls. The larval shell of a gastropod is called a protoconch. The principal characteristic of the Gastropoda is the asymmetry of their principal organs. The essential feature of this asymmetry is that the anus generally lies to one side of the median plane.; The ctenidium (gill-combs), the osphradium (olfactory organs), the hypobranchial gland (or pallial mucous gland), and the auricle of the heart are single or at least are more developed on one side of the body than the other ; Furthermore, there is only one genital orifice, which lies on the same side of the body as the anus." I snicker a tiny bit at the mentioning of anus...I'm such a child. At least that perks her up a bit. "Okay, how about this? Courtship is a part of mating behavior in some gastropods, including some of the Helicidae. Again, in some land snails, an unusual feature of the reproductive system of gastropods is the presence and utilization of love darts. In many marine gastropods other than the opisthobranchs, there are separate sexes; most land gastropods, however, are hermaphrodites." "That's due to the odds of them finding a normal member of the opposite sex would be impossible because of how slow they are. So it's not uncommon that they have both sets of genitalia. The funny part is, when two meet up to have relations, they wrestle each other for dominance. The winning partner gets to be the male and the loser becomes the female." "...Have you been reading this without me?" "I watched a lot of TV growing up. It practically raised me." She puts the book down. "Child, come here." I sigh and roll myself near her, being super lazy about this. She pulls me up when I'm close to her chair and sits me on her lap. "Is something the matter? You are not as cheerful as you normally are." "I don't know." "Do you want to talk about it?" Not really, but I'll humor you a little, Toriel. "Nanny...Ya ever have one of those days where you don't even feel like getting out of bed? One of those days when so much is on your mind that it cripples you to the point of wondering why am I even bothering to get up today?" This strikes a nerve with her and she puts me down. "Come. Follow me for a moment." I'm confused but go along with it. She gets up and I follow her out the door. We walk out past the old tree and make a left down a small hall, encountering a single Froggit that flees in terror the moment it sees Toriel. I feel for ya little froggy dude. Entering a doorway leads us to an overlook of what I can only describe as an abandoned city. "Whoa..." "This is where we monsters lived when we first came to the Underground." "You're using past-tense wording. What happened?" "As ages passed, monsters changed and thrived with the blessing of children. Fearing the humans no longer, we moved out of the old city we called HOME. We braved harsh cold, damp swampland, and searing heat...Until we reached what we now call our capital...NEW HOME. Though the ones that choose to stay here, still live in their homes like time never passed. Only now, the streets are empty. The sounds of life are dull. I brought you here because this is a place where I come to relive days long ago and release such negative feelings. I pray it can do the same for you, child." Whoever is naming things around here is not very creative. It's still cute, but not creative. "So...This is your venting spot?" "More or less." "Not sure I can while you're here. Or how I'd even start." "That is fine. I merely wanted to show you that there is always something you can do when those bad moments happen." I smile softly. "Thanks, Nanny." We look out at the city, different thoughts in our heads. Though something she brought up tickles my curiosity. "So...There's more to the Underground than just the Ruins?" She flinches and grips the lookout's ledge a little bit. "...Yes. B-But it is much too dangerous for you out there. The monsters out there are not like the ones in here. They...They do not fight fair. You will not last long if you leave." Oh shit, did I trigger her? Quick you fool! Fix it! "I never said I was leaving. Why would I? I doubt anyone out there is as cool as you are." That settles her down for now. Better switch the subject anyway to be sure. "Is there anything else you want to know?" "Well, I did have one more thing that's been bugging me a little." "And what's that?" "So I've noticed I've been eating a lot and yet needing to go to the toilet less. I'm I dying or something?" She blushes before laughing. "*giggles* Heavens no, child. You're not dying." "And just like that, I feel like the world's biggest dumbass." "Let me see, how do I put this?" She takes a moment to think. "Well, we monsters use magic to make our foods and drinks. While still being physical enough to consume, it doesn't remain as such once in the body. Once consumed, the magic begins to dissipate as if it never existed. It still gives the body the nourishment and all other needs it requires, but since there's no mass to the magic, there's very little to pass out the body. So that may be why you're noticing less usage." "Huh. And if I ate human foods?" "Hard to say. No one knows if human foods would reverse this effect. Mainly because such foods are not available down here." "Nanny..." "Yes?" "Magic is cool." She snickers. "Nanny..." "Yes?" "I want to let you know I'm grateful for you taking Flowey and me in. A total stranger, and a human no less. I know it's against the law for you to be doing so...but...Thank you for caring." This seems to strike a chord within her. "C-Child...Do you really mean that?" "I do." She catches me by surprise with a sudden bear hug. "Thank you. Thank you so much." My first instinct is to return this affection to her, which I do. But my heart just isn't into it. The shadows in my mind begin to whisper things. Look at this, a stranger loves you more than your own family. How long has it been now and still no sign of any search party? Face it, they never loved you. You were a waste of life that took up space in that house. No one cares about you. Not even death wants a freak like you. "Child? You're trembling. Is everything all right?" I bite my tongue hard. If I open my mouth now, nothing good will come out. But Toriel is persistent and it doesn't help that my grip on her is clenching harshly. "Child, please. Just speak to me. Tell me what's wrong." I can't hold this anymore. I shove away from her to face the city and let it out. "I hate you! I hate all of you! You fucking pieces of shit! Why?! Why is it so hard for any of you to care?! I've been missing for days or weeks and none of you care! *sobs* Did you ever love me?! Why did you even bother having me if you don't even care that I'm gone?! *bawling* Why? Why? Someone tell me why...please..." I break down, crumbling right there to cry on my knees like a helpless babe. Toriel is shocked by my outburst. Her instincts unsure if she should let me cry this out or come over with comforting motherly tenderness. She picks a different option. "I know this isn't the most pleasant of times to ask...But since we've come to know more about each other, I have been curious about something." I can hardly look at her. "The humans that fall down here...They tend to not fall down for the happiest of reasons. If it is not too painful...Can you share with me your reason? What made you come to a cursed mountain where none ever return from?" My eyes sting, I can't keep them open for very long. "*hard sniffling* They used to care. I used to know what it was like to know others cared. I can't remember when they started to pull away. When I became invisible. I just want to know why. Was it something I did? Did I do something wrong? Did I not make them proud? I thought I did everything right. I was a good girl. *voice cracking* I'm a good girl. Aren't I?" I can't see it due to the tears blinding me, but I can hear it. Toriel is crying. No sound leaves her past her lips but I can hear the droplets fall to the floor. "Oh, my...You poor thing..." I feel her hug me from behind. "I do not know the life you have lived. I do not hold the answers you seek. But what I can tell you is this. You are a good girl. If you were my daughter, I'd always let you know I care for you." "*sniffles* Y-You...You would?" She rests her head on mine and I stiffen with tension. "I would. A mother should care for her children and never let them feel such sadness." Well, in the Ruins of the Underground they say, that the human's small heart grew three sizes that day. "How do you feel now, my child?" "...Meh."' "Any better at all?" "...A little. But I'm trying to be cool about it so you don't think I'm so pitiful." "My child, you are not pitiful. It takes great strength to admit such hurt." "If you say so." Her hold on my grows stronger. My sourness is something she doesn't like. It makes her have an idea. "Child...Would that make you happy? To call me... 'Mother'?" I feel my heart breaking. "Are you...Are you being serious right now? Because if you're toying with me...!" "Lynsie..." I think that's the first time she's used my name since being together. "I mean it. I know I am not your real mother. But I can be a real mother to you. If you allow me to. Now, what say you to this silly old woman?" I'm so close to weeping again it ain't funny. "You're...*soft sigh* Heh...You really are something else...Mom." She looks at me surprised, but smiles and nuzzles the top of my head. I feel like such a little kid right now. I can tell this made her happier than it made me. But I guess in time I'll work out these family issues I have and I'll be able to thank her for it. We sit there for a while, her just holding me and me just trying to return to my usual composure. Then she stands up. "My child...Would you like to help me with lunch?" I remain seated but look up at her. This is unreal. She's unreal. No way in hell that any human on earth even comes close to her. I owe her. "Know what? Let's flip the script. I'll make lunch. You do enough as it is." Her eyes sparkle till she notices I'm not getting up. "Are you not coming?" "In a moment..." I look back at the city. "I just need one more minute." She holds a breath, resisting the urge to smother me and drag my sorry ass home. But the trust we've made has gotten to that level where she knows such actions aren't necessary. "Very well...I will be waiting at home. The flower is probably worried sick." I chuckle at that and listen to the sound of her steps leave the area. Once things go quiet, I stand up and take a couple of deep breaths before I let out on last bit of venting. "*loud aggressive roar*!" While very relief inducing, such a harsh forced sound fucks up my throat and I cough like a chain smoker. "*coughs* W-Worth it...*gasp* So worth it." Turning on my heel, I'm about to leave till something wedged into the corner of the overlook. Upon closer inspection, it ends up being a hand grip. So I yank on it. It refuses to cooperate till I really give it a hard yank and pull this metaphorical sword from the literal stone. Turns out, it's toy weapon. Neat. "Huh...Okay? Weird, but mine now." [You equipped the Fake Knife.] [You gain 3 Attack.] "Really? That's the same increase as the ribbon. Wonder if they're a set?" [Made of plastic and not very good for killing. A rarity nowadays.] "Heh...Good thing I don't aim to kill. It's perfect." [CHECK selected.] [You now have HP 24, ATK 15, and DEF 13.] I slip the dagger into my lower side pocket with a smile and make merry way back home. When I get there, Toriel is making sure Flowey's soil is fresh before watering him. I end up making a bunch of grilled cheese sandwiches with slices of tomato between the cheese slices, at least on half of them. Though I do have to wonder where this food comes from, but she did say it's magic made, so who knows. The rest of the day is pretty chill. Toriel and I hang out some more before I spend the rest of the evening with Flowey. Since I apparently slacked off, he decides to cram some extra FIGHT knowledge into my messed up noggin and then gives me a rapid-fire pop quiz about it all. Aside from the normal Bullet Hell that I'm used to dealing with, there are seven different colored magic that can alter the attack to either hurt more or hurt less. White attacks are the most basic form of attack monsters can do. And if it hits you it will only do normal damage. The only way to counter white attacks is by dodging them. Gray attacks deal no damage and are used when the monster is unsure how to respond in their turn. More or less, it's like their way of skipping their turn. Red attacks do not deal damage but are used to warn of upcoming attacks. The warning can take on several forms, such as an attack itself flashing red, a simple red outline bordering the area of the attack, or a red rectangle with an exclamation point in the center and a flashing sound effect. Green attacks heal damage by varying amounts depending on the will of the attacking monster, the progress of battle in some way, or both. Light blue attacks, also known as just blue attacks, do not deal damage so long as you remain completely still. Orange Attacks do not deal damage so long as you remain moving. And purple attacks apply a 'poison' effect that gets worse the more you're hit till your HP is drained. Yet he tells me to take the purple attack with a grain of salt as he isn't sure it really exists outside of rumors. This is what Toriel meant when she said the monsters outside the Ruins are too dangerous and don't fight fair. If an LV level 1 monster like Napstablook can kick my ass to 1 HP, I don't think I stand a ghost of a chance against harder monsters. I need to do more training. [Time Skip] Life as the adopted daughter of a monster is something I never thought I'd be when I grew up, but it's something I have come to really enjoy. Toriel's been true to her word. She shows her care for me every day in small ways. She did do it in a big way once but I told her wasn't necessary. That and I felt bad we couldn't eat the whole cake before it spoiled. Toriel has gotten a bit more intense sometimes. I'm sure it has nothing to do with Napstablook randomly popping in and out of my room without asking her for permission. Can't be that...Sarcasm. Speaking of her, my time with Toriel has been most enlightening. Aside from the normal schooling, she also has taught me much about the history of the Underground. Or as much as she's willing to tell me, she isn't too detailed on somethings, makes me curious as to why. But what she, Flowey, and Napstablook all confirm with me is this. The King of the Monsters, Lord Asgore, has called a war on humanity once again. So if freedom were ever attained with the breaking of the barrier, then they wouldn't leave this place peacefully. Blood would be spilled, thick enough to swim in as they hear the lamentations of their conquered foes. This is not so far off from happening either. The King so far has in his possession six human souls and only one more is needed to break the barrier completely. When I bring such topics up in conversation, Toriel is always upset. Badmouthing Asgore and then running off to let out some steam either at the overlook or in the basement. I can tell she fears me falling into his grasp. She fears to lose yet another child. That's another thing she's taught me. While it is the law that humans at to be killed and their souls harvested for the freedom of monster kind, she never supported this. She's tried to keep the other six before me from leaving the Ruins, but they all left her anyway. The dumbasses. Why leave this poor wonderful woman? But humans are not the only loss she's had. I know the look of greater hurt when I see it. She's suffered heavy loss. I dare not ask her about such pain. It is not my place to speak of. All this pain Toriel has been through, she is covering her hurt with a happy Jekyll and crazy Hyde complex. She has yet to move on to the final stage of grief...Acceptance. Another thing she has begun to teach me is the basic use of magic, mostly SOUL magic as it's the simplest form and a good base for beginners as she put it. Not that I can complain, I mean, I'm learning freaking magic! Flowey is first apprehensive about this. Mentioning something along the lines of I have a freaky soul as it is and shouldn't mess with it. But I counter this with, well if my soul is so fucked up then wouldn't it be best to train it so that it isn't a problem? Needless to say, I won that argument, yet I also find out what Flowey meant by me having a weird soul. It seems that my soul is able to change color depending on what emotion I feel the strongest at the time and each color has its own power associated with it or trait as they're called. She only knows of a few colors due to the humans that fell before me and my soul during our magic training sessions tends to stick to being a light blue color. But of course, Flowey fills me in on the other ones I haven't seen. When the SOUL is red, it seems like any normal soul and behaves normally. It does get a slight boost in power and added precision when it comes to making quick moments. This power is associated with the emotion of Determination. When blue, the SOUL is affected by gravity. This allows one to move beyond the Earth's normal gravity, like being able to jump as if on the moon. This power is associated with the emotion of Integrity. When green, the SOUL it can produce a kind of shield but at the cost of being unable to move. While in this state, one can only dodge in a stationary way or block the incoming attacks. This power is associated with the emotion of Kindness. When purple, the SOUL is focused and can only allow movement to the left and right from where one is standing. It's a very intimidating soul to most as it gives you a handicap and makes you look skilled if used correctly. This power is associated with the emotion of Perseverance. When Yellow, the SOUL is filled with magic power and is flipped upside down like a monster's SOUL, so the heart's point is directed toward the foe. In this state, the soul grants the ability to shoot a projectile that can destroy certain oncoming projectile attacks. This power is associated with the emotion of Justice. When the SOUL is light blue it will appear to make you weaker and slow down movements. But this is a ruse as the SOUL is storing energy from not moving around so much. This allows for stronger block and defensive counters the more power is stored. This power is associated with the emotion of Patience. And lastly, when the SOUL is it will appear to make you stronger and increase movements. This SOUL will also store energy but only while the user is moving around. This allows for stronger attacks and parrying counters the more power is stored. This power is associated with the emotion of Bravery. There is a catch to all this too, as some monsters are able to force such SOUL MODES onto humans and render the human unable to break free from such control till the fight ends. All this, Monsters and Magic, it's become my new normalcy. And looking back on how I was living before, I can honestly say I don't miss the surface at all. This is the life I've always wanted. A life in which the world isn't trying so hard to crush your hopes and dreams. A life where I know what love is. A life where one can truly live when not being threatened with death. But this doesn't stop my curiosity. The one thing I can't get her to talk about is the staircase to the basement that she herself often sneaks away to. Whenever I even hint at it she tells me to ignore it and don't go down there as it's not safe. "No good will come if you venture down there." Out of respect, I do as she says. I would never dare disobey her and yet I feel something trying to draw me down there. Maybe it's the little things like how she's able to go down there and I'm not. Maybe it's because I can sometimes barely hear her talking to either herself or someone else. Whatever the reason is, it's driving me crazy! Each passing day I find myself closer and closer than the last time I've done this. Just testing how far down I can go before Toriel notices. But the more I do this, the more I think she's catching on. Her steps get quicker and I have to be careful not to make a sound when I rush back up the steps. This has become a routine every time she heads down there. She goes down there. I follow up to a point. I stop in an odd pause for a couple minutes until I hear something. Then leave in a hurry This is insanity! Why do I keep doing this and how do I make it stop?! Today is no different, with the exception of Flowey joining in on my madness. After the lessons, schooling, and my workout training, I hold his pot while gazing over the edge of the banister. I don't know where Toriel is. Either she's down there or making her rounds in case another human falls. Not likely that'll happen. But not knowing her location has me weary on being bold enough to go down there. "So...This is the dangerous thing you told me about?" "Yep." "And you never go down there?" "I do...But not very far. I don't want Toriel to freak out if she sees me." "You do know she'll totally lose it if she ever finds out you do this, right?" "I know." "Then why do you do it?" "I don't know." He's confused. "What do you mean, you don't know?" "Don't act like you didn't understand. I said I don't know why I do this because I really don't know why I do this! If it's not one thing like the fucked up dreams, then it's the voices in or out of my head that nobody else hears. And if it's not the voices, then it's this freaky feeling to go down there. So do forgive me, oh all too perfect flower, for I am flawed and often don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do!" He flinches at my snap and looks away in shame, making me feel like shit. "*sigh* I'm sorry. I'm just...really stressed out. Between all the training, my emotional baggage, and weird shit that I can't even tell if it is really happening or not..." I hang my head. "I...I need a break before I end up broken." "Hey..." Flowey rubs my hands comfortingly. "Just relax. It's going to be okay. I didn't know you were going through so much." "You should know by now I don't talk about my feelings and other junk. My burdens shouldn't have to bug anyone else." "If it helps...I know what's down there." "...What?" "There's nothing down there. It just leads to the door that heads out to the rest of the Underground. She keeps it shut. Not wanting others to leave and end up killed." "...So that's it? A door?" "Yep." "But...That can't be all there is." "What do you mean?" "She talks to someone down there." "Huh? Are you sure you weren't hearing things?" I glare harshly. "I know the voices I hear. There might be a lot of them, but I know them all. And she talks to someone I don't know." "Okay, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to take it the wrong way." "We're going down there." "Wait, what?!" I head to go downstairs but Flowey blocks the entryway with vines. "Are you out of your mind?! What if Toriel finds out?!" "At this point, I don't care anymore. Nothing makes sense. So why would she react the way we think she will?" "Do you hear yourself? This will, without a doubt, make Toriel snap!" "And how would you know?" "Because I..." "what are you doing?" We both freak out at the sudden utterance of Napstablook, me more than Flowey. So much so that I drop Flowey, not that it matters as he's gripping the railing with his vines, and I take a tumble down the first part of the stairway down. "Holy crap! Are you okay?" "*groan* I fucking hate stairs..." "oh, shit...I-I-I didn't mean to..." I pick myself up shakily. "Nah, dude, you're okay. It'll take more than a little trip to hurt me." "uh...you're bleeding." "From your forehead." I rub it away. "Still there?" They shake their heads. "Then we cool. You cool. Me cool. We all cool." I wobbly head towards the rest of the way down. Flowey lowers himself and whacks me with his pot. "Okay, now I know you have brain damage. Go back upstairs and go to our room to sleep this off." "Look, I get it. You're scared. You don't have to come along if you don't want to." "Don't be so stupid, you idiot! I'm trying to keep you alive! You have no idea what kind of awful, messed up, nightmare-inducing things will happen if you go down there!" Flowey huffs and puffs, but I'm already halfway down by the time he notices. "*snarls* You! Ghost!" "me?" "Are you able to carry me?" Napstablook looks at him funny and scoffs. "probably. why?" "I need to go after her. That dumbass is going to get herself killed if she doesn't get out of there." Napstablook's eyes widen and he grabs Flowey's pot. Just then, the tumblers in the house's door began to clatter with the sound of a key being inserted. Panic washes over them. Napstablook moves quickly, yanking Flowey from the railing and speeding down the stairs as the door starts to open. Toriel enters. "Hello? My child? I have returned home." Only silence greeted Toriel. Perhaps the human was in her room asleep. Poor thing hasn't been the most well rested as of late. Those bags under her eyes looking darker by the day. The girl needs all the rest she can get. Toriel heads toward the kitchen, to start making a batch of cookies to surprise her happy little family. But the surprise was on her. She almost didn't see it. The joy of her delight almost blinded her to something that now has her breaking into a series of nervous twitches. Small smudges of crimson now discolor the pale cream that makes up the home's interior. "No...No, no, no, no, no! Not again!" The panicked parent rushes in the hopes that she is not too late. That she won't have to lose another life. Me on the other hand, I've been walking for a while now. The path under the house is much longer than anyone would guess. Probably the result of digging for open pockets in the mountain. Flowey chased after me, like a bitch, and dragged Napstablook along. "Human! Toriel is coming!" "Yeah, right." "he's not lying. she just came back. I hope she didn't see us." I roll my eyes not believing them, until... "Child!" [You felt your sins crawling on your back.] "Run!" The three of us make a break for it the end of the of the hall...only to be blocked by large stone doors. "Shit..." "My child..." We turn around and see the frightened Toriel now behind us. Dear god, this woman is fast as hell! Napstablook lets fear get the better of him, fading away and making me dive to catch Flowey before his pot shatters. "Nice catch." "*whisper* Praise my SPEED stat later. Shit's about to hit the fan." "Lynsie...My little girl. Why are you down here?" Her eerie calm is disturbing. I need to think of a lie and think it up quick. Or speak the dumb truth. Whatever will work best at this moment. "I fell down the stairs." Her expression softens slightly. "Why did you not come back upstairs?" "I...I didn't know how you'd react if you saw me. I got scared." She calms down and approaches. "Child, I meant not to instill such fear in you. I want you to know you can come to me whenever you are in need." "And you won't be upset?" "I...I will do my best to understand before reacting." "Thank you, Nanny." She pats my head and places a hand on my back to get me to follow her back up to our home. "I do have one question for you, my child." I tense up. "Yes?" "What were you doing by the stairs in the first place?" "I...I got curious." Her hand on my back flinches. "Curious about what?" Flowey is trying to mime to me to keep my mouth shut. But I'm not very good at following his orders. "You come down here a lot. You never say why or what happens. I just...I thought I could hear you talking to someone and wanted to meet them too." Her hand pushes me roughly so I'm ahead of her towards the stairs. "You heard nothing, child. There is no one down here. Run along and freshen up. We'll bake together shortly...I have to do something first." She turns around, heading back towards the doors. I should go upstairs. I know I should. But I can't. "Oh no. I know that look. Don't do it." "I'm gonna do it." "Don't!" "Too late." "Why do you do this?! Why don't you listen to me?!" "Because if you don't act then you're just as wrong to ignore what's going on. Sure, it's likely safer to just do as you or Toriel say. But that's just choosing to hide. To let the problems around me win. I've lived like that already. To sink into myself and the darkness. I won't do that again. I won't let others go through it if I have the chance. So get mad all you want. I'm not going to stand by while they do things that will only make them suffer." Flowey just stares at me. Thoughts running through his mind as I sprint after her. "Nanny!" She pauses. "I told you to go upstairs." "Not without you." "Tell me, child. Do I not provide enough for you? Are the Ruins not good enough? Do you seek your own death that badly?" [You felt your sins weighing on your neck.] I glare at her in annoyance but she continues. "Ahead of us lies the end of the RUINS. A one-way exit to the rest of the underground. I am going to destroy it. No one will ever be able to leave again. Now be a good child and go upstairs." "No." She looks at me over her shoulder, her own eyes glaring back at me. "No?" "I will not leave you down here." She huffs through her nose. "Every human that falls down here meets the same fate. I have seen it again and again. They come. They leave. They die. You naive child...If you leave the RUINS...They... ASGORE...Will kill you." "You underestimate me." "Please don't piss her off." She snarls at me. "I am only protecting you, do you understand?" "No, you understand! I will not allow you to use me as an excuse. I am an adult. I can make my own choices. I will embrace the consequences of any action I take. I am responsible for my life. Not you." "...Go to your room." "Make me." The intensity of our glares can generate harsh sparks. "Do not try to stop me. This is your final warning." She runs for the door and now I'm pissed off. "Don't you turn your back on me, bitch!" Flowey is stunned by my snap but doesn't get a chance to respond. I drop Flowey's pot and give chase to Toriel. I never even hear the clay pot shatter. I speed up to make sure Toriel won't do something stupid. "Don't ignore me! You fear something you can't control. You're letting the fear win. You're acting as stupid as the humans that banished you!" She flinches for a second before turning around and facing now in front of the door that she despises. Though now that I see her and the door together, I notice the door bears the same symbol as her robes. "You must really be unhappy. You want to leave so badly?" "What made you get a moronic idea like that? Fuck no, I don't want to leave. All I want is for you to get your fuzzy ass upstairs so we can make cookies and read books." "Hmph. And why should I believe that? You are not the first to tell me such lies." "Oh for fuck's sake. I have been trying for god knows how long to be sweet with you because, in case you haven't noticed, I like you and consider you my freaking mom! So stop this nonsense and get away from that stupid door!" She snorts, anger in her eyes. But then...she starts to giggle. The giggles then become manic and loud. Now I'm on edge. "You...hehehe...You are just like the others. To think I was worried you wouldn't fit in out there...Eheheheh! You really are no different from them! Ha...Ha..." I growl in annoyance. Is she really mocking me right now or is she losing her mind? I don't know. But it's really ticking me off either way. "There is only one solution to this. You...Prove yourself...Prove to me you are strong enough to survive." I scoff. "I don't have to prove anything to anyone. Not even you." "Prove to me you are strong enough to survive!" Her voice shirks harshly and my soul appears in a glow of red. Seems we're fighting now. Just great. [HEARTACHE begins to play in the background.] [Toriel blocks the way!] "Are you for real right now? You're really going to fight me over this crap?" [Toriel prepares a magical attack.] "*sigh* I guess you're leaving me no choice but to beat some sense into you. Very well...Bring it on!" Her paw-like hands catch fire and she sweeps them in an arc, casting a trail of fireballs that are launched towards me. Simple enough to attempt evasion on their own, but then I find out that the fireballs can bounce off of the walls. I get hit a few times by these rouge ricocheting balls of flame. [HP ███████████████ 15/24] [Toriel looks through you.] "And you criticize me for being nuts. Are you seeing this bullshit, Flowey? ...Flowey?" Only now do I realize that I don't have the pot with me. "Ah, fuck my life. Flowey! Hey! You okay?!" I shout into the hall behind me. Seconds later he pops out of the ground, meaning this floor isn't solid. "You jackass! I can't believe you dropped me!" "So you're fine? Good. That makes one of us. Two, if you count Napstablook fleeing when he had the chance. Lucky bastard." "Make your move, child!" Flowey takes notice of what's going on. "I told you! I told you and you wouldn't listen!" "Oh my god! Stop nagging me like you're my wife! Just support me and keep out of fight radius!" [FIGHT] [ACT] [ITEM] [MERCY] "Okay, what are my options?" [ACT selected.] [New options available.] [CHECK] [TALK] "That's it? Fine. Simple is as simple be." [TALK selected.] [You couldn't think of any conversation topics.] "This is pointless. I know you don't want to hurt me and you know I don't want to hurt you either. So let's stop this now before it gets crazy." [Toriel looks through you.] She launches the same attack as before. Only now there are two rows instead of one, but the pattern remains the same. This is a good thing. [HP ███████████████ 15/24] "You've really gotten fast, human." "You sound surprised? Did you really think I didn't try with all that training?" "Uh..." "Fuck you, Flowey." [TALK selected.] [You tried to think of something to say again, but...] "Quit wasting time doing this, Nanny. At this rate, we won't even have time to eat if we ever get cooking." [Toriel takes a deep breath.] "Geez, woman. You're like ice. So cold." Her stony expression doesn't change as she unleashes the same attack yet again. Same pattern. Same spots of bounce off. Same easy steps to dodge. [HP ███████████████ 15/24] "This isn't a fight. It's not even a tussle. It's just sad." "Are you really disappointed she's not trying to kill you?" "I know how it sounds and as fucked up as it is, yeah." "...Why?!" "Because I don't like it when someone pushes me to do things with them, only to slack off while I do all the work. It pisses me off." "While that does suck, you shouldn't feel that way right now. She doesn't want to hurt you and you don't want to hurt her...right?" "Of course not. I don't want to hurt anyone. That's why I'm trying to talk to her." [TALK selected.] [Ironically, talking does not seem to be the solution to this situation.] "Why won't you listen to me? Are you even able to hear me? Say something! Anything. Do something other than just stand there like an emotionless statue!" "..." [Toriel is acting aloof.] The same attack is sent my way once more. It's gotten to the point where I just stand still and deflect the fireballs with my knife. I'm losing my patience with this repetitive shit. "The hell am I suppose to do here? Die of boredom?" {You can't reason with her when she gets like this.} I flinch. "So...You're chiming in now? Of all times?" {You look like you can use all the help you can get.} "*scoff* Do you not see my skills? I can do this no problem. I just can't understand what option I need to select." "Human? Who are you talking to?" To Flowey or anyone else for that matter, I'm chatting with no one. "Oh, just a voice that seems to have random timing." {I don't have random timing. It takes a lot of energy to manifest like this.} "Wait, manifest? Are you a ghost?" {I guess? Not really sure. I mean, I was dead. Fairly sure I still am. I don't even know how or why I woke up. I just...did.} "You are one confused dude, ya know that?" "They're not the only one." I snarl at Flowey. {I might be confused on some things, yes. But I'm not as confused as you.} "Don't start shit with me, dude! I am so not in the mood and I will kick your dead ass if I have to" {I'd like to see you try, punk.} "Alright, what's your name, asshole?! I wanna know what to write on your headstone along with all the shit I'm gonna mock you with!" {My name? It's Chara.} "Well then, allow me to say this then...Fuck you, Chara!" Just like that, the room goes completely dead. The air stills, the temperature chills, and the thrills are less than wanted. In an instant, the world that I know of goes dark for me and my body stands in a painful slump. Flowey's eyes widen in shock and Toriel finally does something other than stay still. "C-Ch...Ch...Chara...? My boy...he's here...?" A hauntingly dread hangs in the air like a thick miasma. Flowey only seems to realize that things are not what they seem when my red soul begins to tinge darker and darker. The color being swallowed by shadow until it is nothing more than a black heart. "A black soul? How...Is that even possible?" I twitch for a moment before coming back to life. "Human? Are you okay?" I shake my head and rub my eyes. My head really hurts. Looking around I see Toriel, her face is sorrowful and her eyes are pleading. "Chara? Where is my son? Chara?" Chara was her son? This woman was holding out on me when I asked if she had a family. Not cool. Still, she's calling out for a dead kid, right? Do I not matter? I'm right here. I thought she cared about me. Thought she loved me. I've been trying to be a good girl and talk to her. But maybe she's... [Not worth talking to.] I stand strong and leer at this woman whom I gave trust to. This seems to strike her attention. "My child? Why are you looking at me like that?" {Yeah, why are you looking at her like that?} I snarl. "I am not your child." My voice is different. More darker, colder, and deadly. [FIGHT selected.] Flowey attempts to question me but I take off at her in the blink of an eye, knife in hand. She's stunned. Hardly able to register the dark blur that is me till I'm in her face. There's a quick instance of time, a glimpse of what's to come, and she's able to move in time just as the knife is swung. I miss hitting her yet she now has a slash across her robe. "Next time, I won't miss." {What the hell are you doing?!} "Y...You...at my most vulnerable moment...you...really hate me that much?" I turn to head back to my starting point. "Don't flatter yourself. I don't care enough to hate you." She frowns. "Child..." "No! Don't you dare say that!" I face her again and whatever hateful look I have on my face is enough to make her back up in intimidation. "I trusted you. I let you in. I thought you'd be different. Monsters are so much better than humans. But you...*growls* You're no better than they were. You never cared about me. I was just a replacement. A placeholder for the kid you lost." "B-But that's not true." "You've shown no emotion since this fight started. You've been ignoring me this whole time. But the moment I say Chara, you get all teary eyed and talkative? I let you call me your daughter and you forget me the moment a ghost from your past pops up! You're no better than them. You never cared about me. No one cares about me. I am the abandoned one. I am unlovable. You broke my heart when I didn't think it was possible for it to shatter anymore than it already was. So congratulations. You managed to hurt me like no one has. And now...Now I will make you feel my pain. One turn at a time." I walk back to my original position and she begins to cry, holding her muzzle to keep the sadness in. Flowey is just dumbfounded by my sudden turn to the dark side. "What the hell are you doing?! I thought you weren't going to...kill...?" The icy stare down I'm giving him chills the life out of him. "Y-You...Wh...What are you...?" I merely grin and the whites of my eyes begin to fill with blackness. This terrifies the poor flower-boy. "T-this...feeling? Why am I...Shaking? Hey...S-s-stop making that creepy face! This isn't funny! You've got a SICK sense of humor!" {I agree. This isn't how you win this.} I growl to myself. {What is with you? I swear to god if you hurt my mom, I'm gonna kill you.} "I'd like to see you try, brat." {Stupid reckless jerk. I'm too dead for this crap.} [Toriel prepares a magical attack but is weary now.] Streams of fireballs fall from the top of the room in a crisscrossing double-helix pattern and accumulate at the floor. The streams have holes in the middle of them to dodge through. Heck, there are even two safe spots near both corners. This doesn't bode well for Toriel. [HP ███████████████ 15/24] "My turn now." {Hey, wait!} "What?" {You don't have to fight her.} "Not much else really on the table for choices." {Okay, talking isn't going to work, we know that! But if you really mean what you say and don't want to kill...You'll have to do something else!} He's calling me out. Damn him. But he's right. I mean, what the fuck am I doing? I tried to strike Toriel! I could've killed her from my level of intent! That isn't something I'd do. That isn't me. This isn't me at all. "No...No, this is wrong. This is all wrong. This isn't me. This isn't me! THIS ISN'T ME!!" My head hurts! I grip my head in one hand and my soul in the other. The black that makes up its color struggles to remain. My chest tightens in pain and I roar. The black in my soul swirls into its center and is flushed away by the encompassing blue. Once it's all gone, I feel drained and yet better at the same time. {You...You okay?} "I...I don't feel so good." "Lynsie? Are you normal now?" I look at Flowey and he sighs with relief. "Phew! That creepy face is gone. What happened back there? You were so...different." "You think I know?" I look at my hands and the fake knife that's clasped so tightly that my fingers are stiffly locked around the handle. "I...I was going to do a bad thing. Wasn't I?" "Yeah...But that wasn't you. It was...Whatever that was." I glare at the knife and put it back in my pocket. I don't need it. I don't want it. I will not attack her. But if talking won't work, what will? Let's see...No to FIGHT. ACT is a waste of time. I don't have any ITEMS. So that just leaves MERCY? But that's usually SPARE and FLEE. And I doubt I can FLEE from this fight. Not after all the crap that just went down. I need to check this. "Yo, ghost-boy." {Huh?} "What do you think of this course of action?" [MERCY selected.] [New options available.] [SPARE] [FLEE] {You're going to run? Not a bad idea, but not a winning one either.} "No, not that one. This one." {Spare? Worth a shot. I mean, what else is there really?} "I know right?" "You still talking to Chara?" "We're agreeing on a plan." "And that is?" "You'll see." [SPARE selected.] Toriel looks at me funny. Not surprising as I've gone from trying to talk to her to then trying to kill her. "...? What are you doing?" "What's it look like? I'm sparing you." She eyes me funny. Contemplating so many things. "I don't understand." "What's so hard to understand? I didn't want to fight you. I don't want to fight you still. I don't want to end up hurting you. So I'm done. I'm done trying to do anything. I offer you mercy. What say you?" She pauses for a while. Time seems to stop. But then she makes her move. She attacks similar to her last attack but it's a little different. Thicker streams of fireballs, too thick to dodge through, but they do not sweep back and forth. Allowing careful me to keep safe between the streams only after finding it once I got hit a couple times trying to fit into it. [HP ███████ 7/24] "*panting* Okay...ow...Took more damage than I thought." {Not bad though. That was some pretty fancy footwork you did there.} "Thanks." "You okay, human?" I give Flowey a thumbs up and get ready for more junk to come. [SPARE selected.] "What are you doing? Attack or run away!" "I choose none of that." She hurls more of that same hard to dodge fireball streams. Only thing is now I know what I'm doing, so I only get hit once by the time her turn ends. [HP ███ 3/24] I can barely stand. I'm singed and searing in burn pain. I can't take much more of this. If she keeps this up, I'm as good as dead. Damn it, woman, accept my mercy already! {You're doing great. Keep this up and you're golden." "If this keeps up I'll be joining you in the afterlife, ghost-boy." "Child...What are you proving this way? Fight me or leave!" "There are more choices than that, Toriel. If I don't want to fight, I don't have to. If I don't want to leave, I don't have to. Problems don't just go away because you kill them or run away. You face them head on and never back down until their resolved." "Can't you see that's not how the world works down here? I don't want to see you die. I need to know you are strong enough to make out of this wretched place alive. And I'm willing to give you my power if it means you'll survive." "I will not kill my MOTHER!" That slipped out of me but I don't regret it. My words pack enough of a punch that has her faltering. "Stop it. Stop looking at me that way. Go away!" She attacks again, yet something isn't right. The fireballs fall haphazardly from above but deliberately move away if they come close to me, making it impossible to take damage even if I move closer. I think I'm finally getting to her. I need to keep this going. [HP ███ 3/24] "Please...just go upstairs now. I promise I will take good care of you here. I know we do not have much, but...We can have a good life here." "I know that. I don't want to leave. I want to make this work. That's why I'm trying so fucking hard!" [SPARE selected.] I start to approach her and she trembles, either in fear or worry, I know not. So she attacks again, but again the flames avoid me. [HP ███ 3/24] "Why are you making this so difficult? Please, go upstairs." "I can say the same to you." [SPARE selected.] I come to a stop in front of her and she meets my gaze with her own. Such sadness smears her features. Her hands tremble and the fire they hold flickers out. She crumbles right there, falling to her knees. "Urgh...You are stronger than I thought..." "I told you not to underestimate me." "Listen to me, small one...If you go beyond this door, keep walking as far as you can. Eventually, you will reach an exit." "Exit?" "ASGORE...Do not let ASGORE take your soul. His plan cannot be allowed to succeed." "War on humanity? Yeah, not the best plan since that didn't work out so well last time. Heh, funny enough, if you guys wait long enough we'll all end up wiping ourselves out for one dumb reason or another." "You will be good, won't you? My child." "You talk like you heard nothing I said. Damn it, Nanny, do I have to spell it out for you?" I put my arms around her and embrace her tight. I will not let go until she comes to her senses. I refuse to let her remain like this. Her eyes widen and her face contorts with mixed emotions before settling on a defeated weak smile. "Ha ha...Pathetic, is it not? I cannot save even a single child." "Mother..." "No, I understand. You would just be unhappy trapped down here. The RUINS are very small once you get used to them. It would not be right for you to grow up in a place like this. My expectations...My loneliness...My fear...For you, my child...I will put them aside." "Toriel..." "If you truly wish to leave the RUINS...I will not stop you. However, when you leave...Please do not come back. I hope you understand." "Mom!" She trembles hard when I snap. God, she still doesn't get it. This woman is as messed up as I am. Maybe that's why I care about her so much. Maybe in the depths of my soul, it believes that by saving her I'll be saving part of myself. I don't know. I ain't no psychologist after all. "Let me make this as clear as possible for you. I. AM. NOT. LEAVING. YOU!" Her eyes water and I let her go. "I know I'm not really your kid. I said and did some messed up shit. I regret it a lot. I let my feelings overwhelm me in the worst ways. But I want to make it right. I want to earn your forgiveness. I want to earn the right to be your daughter. Will you let me do this after the things I've done? Can you give me another chance, Toriel?" She whimpers. "You...you're really going to stay?" "Yes. I told you before and I'll keep saying it if it helps. I am going to stay with you as long as you'll keep me. I'm not lying. I speak only truth. I am not leaving you. This is my home for as long as you'll have me stay. You will be my mother and I'll be your daughter for as long as you wish it to be so. Please, believe me." {I think you've done it.} She begins to cry, her arms go around me and nearly smother me in a warm healing hug. "Lynsie, my child...Thank you. Forgive me for my earlier behavior. You were right. I was brash, unfeeling, and callous. I am appalled to call myself a mother. I attacked my own child. How are you able to still want to be around me after such happenings?" {Now seal the deal.} "No one is perfect, Nanny. We all make mistakes. It's how we learn from them that makes the difference. We can either learn to do better or end up repeating the same thing again. I can forgive you because I understand why you are the way you are. You have been through so much. You've loved. You've lost. You've tried to help. And yet fate has been so cruel to you. It forced you into this lonely home where all you see is danger outside its walls. You're scared of losing any more of those you end up close to. So you lash out because you don't know how else to respond to those feelings. I can't be mad at you for that." She smiles softly and pets my head. "You truly are a sweet child." "I try." {Thank you.} [YOU WON!] [You earned 0 XP and 0 gold.] Things revert to normal and I help her up to her feet. "Come on, mom. Let's go back upstairs." "Yes. I would like that very much." "Holy cow! You actually did it!" We look over at Flowey. "Crap, we need a new pot for him." "I am sure we can find something for him upstairs." "Do ya mind waiting a little bit down here till we bring back something?" "I don't mind really. It feels nice to let my roots stretch out." We head back upstairs and return to life as before. Toriel is more relaxed now that her fears have been put to rest. I've doubled my efforts around the home to make amends for my actions in the fight we had. I sowed up the cut in her robe, even though she said I didn't have to. But she surprised me by sowing my shirt as well. As if showing the new bound we made, she sowed the symbol on her robes onto my shirt. She tells me it's called the Delta Rune, the emblem of monster kind. I wear it proudly. Chara talks to me more frequently now. Toriel often talks to him too and I have to tell her what he says. She was skeptical at first, hard to imagine a dead kid talking to your adoptive one, but he has me tell her things that only they'd know and it all set in there. The odd thing is that Flowey will talk to him too. The conversations they have, they're so personal. I feel uncomfortable being this third wheel. But the more they all talk, the more I learn about them. Things I won't share with anyone else. Like how Chara tends to call Flowey the name Asriel. I learn from Toriel's chats with him that this was the name of her biological son with none other than King Asgore. Yeah, that was a big fucking bomb drop. Toriel, this lonely hidden away woman, is the Queen to an entire race that is going to try to kill me. Yay! Flowey got his pot replacement so he was able to come into the house again. We still train together, all be it a little intensely. I mean, I'm willing but he's less to do so. My guess is because he's afraid of losing Chara. I hate this feeling. Being a host to someone that others want more than they want me. It's when I have these moments, I go to the lookout of the old city and I talk to Chara. Just us. He's rather understanding. Like he's gone through a lot of the same things I have. I don't pry too much into his past and he doesn't push me on my reasons for trying to die. We are the same in a lot of ways. We both are haunted by the ghosts of our past lives on the surface. He's nice to have around for these chats even if I feel weird about having yet another guy follow me around at times where I'd rather be by myself. But at least Chara agreed to not pop up when I'm in the bathroom. Napstablook on the other hand...well...I have no clue. He's MY buddy. He only comes around for me. That much I enjoy. It feels oddly nice that a dude, even if he's a ghost monster, pays sole attention to me. Makes me feel wanted. And if I have to be girly, as is my gender, it makes me feel pretty too. God, feelings are weird. After the fight, Toriel allows me downstairs now. She still worries about me leaving, but the trust is there that I won't. Flowey and I use the larger space for better workouts. It does pay off in the long run. My stats increase more. I'm now HP 28, ATK 17, and DEF 13. The weird part now out of all this is, the more we train down here, the more I get curious. I'm now tempted to go beyond the door and see what's on the other side.

#undertale #underfell #Lynsie #Anomaly #sans #papyrus #gaster #grillby #grandpa semi #Asriel #asgore #toriel #chara #frisk #mettaton #napstablook #alphys #undyne #flowey

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