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#like if my dad got sick I'd feel bad
iaintkissingnofrog · 1 year
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I don't think I care about my parents
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running-in-the-dark · 3 months
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well I can already tell this is gonna be a bad night
today has just been fucking weird and hard. I'm in a bad mood. everything feels bad. (probably not helped by me not taking the new antidepressant last night so I wouldn't sleep all day)
the plan was for my friend to come over this weekend to help me pack. she did that last time and it helped a lot. (my husband could help, obviously, but he's in charge of other things that also need to get done. plus he's very bad at putting things into boxes.)
but the rail strike is still going on so it's likely that she won't be able to get here (or get back in time). so now that's suddenly a lot more stressful and the one thing that I thought would make it go okay is gone.
and I also have to like. at least reread my thesis a few times or whatever to study for the oral exam on Friday. which will make me want to die. because it is bad. so. that will be bad. and the thought of being asked questions about that piece of garbage for 30 fucking minutes is so horrifying that I genuinely do not know if I will be able to get through it without taking my Lorazepam beforehand (which I know is a horrible idea, and my psychiatrist told me twice that it's a bad idea, and I know it would just make me unbelievably stupid. but holy shit that is the scariest thing I can imagine.)
and of course instead of doing anything useful I'm now just sitting here feeling like shit (like last night, only worse)
#it'd just be so fucking nice if I could just.. have a break#it's just been nonstop awful shit since my dad's cancer diagnosis in 🤔 2015. I'm sorry but that's too long. I can't do it anymore. I just#need some damn time to fucking calm down#like yeah any outsider would probably look at my life and think 'well you haven't actually DONE anything in like 6 years'#yeah that's true#but I've also been sick and/or in pain pretty much since 2018. and some of that was fixed last year when I had my gallbladder removed but i#is still not good. first of all that did not work out so well for me. but also everything else is still not right and no one cares and I#just don't have the energy to fight to get a diagnosis#I'm just so tired#I really thought I'd just. go to uni. get my degree in 3 years like expected. get a job. move out. have a normal life FINALLY for the first#time ever#and NONE of that fucking happened#EVERYTHING WENT WRONG. again and again and again#and I am just. so. tired. I can't. I can't do it.#it feels so fucking pathetic to be like 'my life is soooo hard everyone feel bad for me' when there is just. objectively not that much wron#but it just. never. stops.#I've never had a fucking moment to just. sit down. and think. and make decisions about my life. everything just. happens to me#I just. feel so lost and stuck and doomed and it won't fucking get better! it won't! my life got better ONE TIME and it has been pure hell#since then#like. no. it won't get better. this will keep happening over and over and over#I'll never have a choice. not really. I fucked up my life permanently when I dropped out of school at 18 and tbh I wish I would've just bee#brave enough to do what I really wanted then (killing myself)#because fuck. this is not worth it#literally everyone I love is either really fucking far away or just. fictional.#I have no close relationships with anyone irl#everyone I know irl is mean and kind of an asshole. and I'm too useless to meet new people.#I just. I don't want to survive anymore I want to live but I can't have that so. what's the goddamn point#its gonna be fine. because I'm a fucking coward so I'll never do it anyway. but I fucking wish I could
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ihaventsleptinweekz · 3 months
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Okay vent/ bad person alert but I'm really enjoying being the person to ice out my father for once. This is slightly beyond me trying to send a message at this point
#Massive vent below#Like I'm definitely trying to send a message. Do this again and I'm gone for good#But also. It's kind of enjoyable. Which probably makes me a bit of a terrible person but it's like. Dare I say it a bit of revenge#This is my bad person alert like vent but from a bad person pov#It's nice to for once not be the one clamoring to please him.#I should definitely stop soon though otherwise I'd definitely be an asshole#I'm in so much emotional turmoil right now its not even funny .#Like so much of this situation feels like my fault it makes me sick#Like. I'm the one who trusted my father and told him my brother hadn't listened to him#Like it was MY FAULT my 7 year old brother was dragged sobbing and begging out of his hiding spot and slammed to the ground#I get it's my father who did it but guess what. I'm the one who told him#And when I got between them what the fuck did my father do??? Tried to use ME running between them as a guilt trip AGAINST A 7 YEAR OLD#'She threw herself in front of you because she knew you pushed me too far' NO THE FUCK I DID NOT#I hate him so bad for that. That has left an awful taste in my mouth for days#And now my brother is avoiding me and it's so awful#My dad told him that I'm the one who told dad he hadn't brushed his teeth#This is what this is all over btw. He didn't brush his teeth#Then he said all sorts of awful things to him and I'm just so so sick.#And the sugar on the cream is I can't even like. .#He's threatened to kill himself over stuff like this before. Like when I was younger he'd do shitty stuff then threaten to kill himself#And it's like a guillotine over our heads right now.#I pulled my mom aside and said you should comfort him because I hate him too much to say a singular nice thing to him for a week at least#And she took that so seriously that she's mad at me for not forgiving him yet .#Like I've been such a mess this week I literally do nothing but loose .#I'm feeling better though and getting out of the house tmrw! .which I also feel guilty about#Because I'm basically passing the eldest child crown to my sister and saying I'm leaving you're in charge of guilt now#lol#But also not lol#Not even a little bit lol#But it'll be fun I hope
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redbullgirly · 3 months
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HI BARBIE! HI KEN! [part 2, LH44 smau]
Lewis Hamilton x reader
Masterlist & Hi Barbie! Hi Ken! [part 1, LH44 smau]
Summary: Lewis and his "real life Barbie" girlfriend, Y/N Y/L/N, are enjoying each others company during winter break. February brings unexpected drama when the seven-time World Champion decides to leave his team... though is that the only surprise waiting for the fans?
Warnings: Little cliffhanger at the end, but don't worry, I plan on making part 3 soon enough :).
Author's Note: This is continuation of the Lewis x barbie!fashion!icon!reader request, hope you'll all like it. This time there wasn't so much of "barbie content", but I'm sure you won't mind. I honestly love this series, plus there are still many photos for me to use, so stay tuned and let me know if you want to be added to the taglist! :)
lewishamilton posted on instagram
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tagged: yourusername and fencer
lewishamilton Happy holidays from our little trip to mountains 🏔
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user1 I swear to God this is the first time I see Lewis in snow
user2 ikr? like can he even sky? isn't it dangerous for him as an f1 driver??😭
yourusername merry christmas everybody, love u!!🎄🫶
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user3 Very happy and merry Christmas to you too Y/N🥰
user4 yeah yeah... but where's the usual christmas post y/n?!
user5 that's what I wanna know user5 😥
user6 She always posts the hot pics with their tree... and this year nothing ☹️
yourusername omg sry guys, i didn't think you'd care sm! i was actually sick on the christmas eve and didn't feel like celebrating 🙈💖
user4 ohhh that's totally okay y/n!!!!
user7 Thanks for replying, hope you'll get better soon!❤️‍🩹
charles_leclerc I see you're copying my training now😉
user8 lol charles just try not to fall on your face on ski
user9 no but can you imagine if we got Charles & Lewis training together in the mountains 😩
user10 It wouldn't even have to be in the mountains... I'd actually prefer them training somewhere hot so they don't have to wear shirts🤭
user9 i love your way of thinking girly
user11 King 👑
roscoelovescoco Mom's and dad's playing's in's the snow's ❄️
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user12 they left you home alone Roscoe?
roscoelovescoco Of course's not's... my auntie's watched's me's ☺️
user13 This is so adorable🥹🥹
user14 y'all don't understand how much I love their little family
user15 😘🖤✌️💯🌟
user16 y/n's ski suit looks so cool
fencer Good times man!
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user17 You are my God, Lewis Hamilton❤️
mercedesamgf1 Enjoy your holidays and don't break anything please!⛷🤍
yourusername trying!! 😊🌨
user18 lmfao
user19 Imagine if their best driver broke a leg or smth💀
user20 as a Lewis fan that'd be the last straw of my depression xd
user21 It's enough they couldn't build him a decent car last two years 🥲
user21 you & y/n are the best couple ever!🥰❤️
user22 Why's Lewis in red tho?
user23 sus 🤨
user24 some of you are truly bored and delusional🤣
user25 He probably has it so Y/N can see him on the slope and watches over him tbh
user26 idk where the narrative of lewis being bad at skying came from but i love it 😭
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yourusername posted on instagram stories
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seen by lewishamilton, haileybieber, danielricciardo, emmawatson and 562,983 others
lewishamilton replied to your story: Love you so much baby!❤️
yourusername love u too!!!💞
lewishamilton You are my brave girl, aren't you?
lewishamilton It's great you share your experience with others Y/N and trust me when I say I'll always be there for you 🫶🏾🫶🏾
yourusername awww lew, i know and i'll be always so grateful for it 🥰
lewishamilton Anything for my Barbie yourusername reacted with ❤️ to this message
user1 replied to your story: You and Lewis are just soooo cute omg
alexandrasaintmleux replied to your story: forever y/n!!🤍🌺
yourusername ofc!!!
yourusername you're probably the only reason i hope the negotiations w ferrari will work out 🙈🤭
alexandrasaintmleux oh yeah, it'd be great to have you in the garage next year 💕
yourusername yeah, let's see what happens in few weeks!
user2 replied to your story: so prettyyyyyy i wanna be u
user3 replied to your story: THE IT GIRL
landonorris replied to your story: The question isn't if you'll be at every gp but if you'll come to McLaren hospitality for one of them😏
yourusername pretty sure mercedes wouldn't be happy about that 🫣
landonorris Oh c'mmon Y/NNNN
landonorris You promised me like ten years ago you'd come
yourusername you were a literal baby ten years ago lando...
landonorris But a cute baby who deserves to have you in McLaren hospitality!!!
yourusername okay okay, i'll come for a visit this year 😽
landonorris ONE HAMILTON DOWN TWO TO GO💪
yourusername what?? 😭
landonorris I decided my life goal is to get you, Roscoe and Lewis to be my fans 😁😁
landonorris Lewis can wait till retirement ofc 😁😁
yourusername idk if i hate you or love you mr. worldwide
landonorris 🤷😙
user4 replied to your story: Mommy and daddy fr
user5 replied to your story: 😍
user6 replied to your story: Hope you'll heal soon if you're still sick!!!
yourusername posted on instagram
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liked by bellahadid, lewishamilton, alexandrasaintmleux and 683,912 others
tagged: lewishamilton and roscoelovescoco
yourusername my job is beach 🦀🐬🐚🪸☀️ (btw how many emojis is too much??)
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lewishamilton Isn't that supposed to be Ken's line darling?
yourusername theoretically... but i think i look better on the beach, don't you? 🤭🤷‍♀️
lewishamilton Well of course, your fashion taste when it comes to bikini is hard to beat ✨🫶🏾
yourusername damn are you saying i look hot in that bikini mr. hamilton? ☺️💞
lewishamilton It's Sir actually
yourusername oh shut up lew, i knew you're gonna bring it up 😭
landonorris I just witnessed Lewis openly flirting through instagram comments... the world won't ever be the same. I need to bleach my eyes 😓
yourusername yeah u should learn from my bf lando norizz
landonorris Heyyy this is online bullying, someone stop it
yourusername 😘😘
landonorris 🫤
user1 i have no idea what just happened but i loved every second of it
user2 It looks like when Lewis finally interacts with someone on instagram, it can get WILD
user3 not y/n using lando norizz 💀
user4 she's one of us now
user5 BUT CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW SWEET Y/N & LEWIS ARE PLS?!!🥹
user6 Y/N living her best life and I'm here for it
francisca.cgomes enjoy!🌴
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yourusername thx kika, you too!!💓
user7 On my knees for you🛐🛐🛐
roscoelovescoco The fruit's on's the plane's was yummy's 😋🥗
yourusername i definitely agree, let's thank dad for spoiling us!💖
lewishamilton My favourites deserve only the best 😉
user8 AWWWW so cute
user9 I'll never understand why rich people torture their pets like this... c'mmon, why would you give fruit to a dog? He needs meat and dog food. 🙄😤
user10 tf user9 you clearly don't know them at all if you think they're torturing Roscoe... this dog has better life than most of us lol xd
yourusername i'd just like to make it clear to everyone that me and lewis take the best care of our dog we possibly can, give him the food he wants and needs and love him dearly. it feels very offending for someone who doesn't see into our private life to assume we're "torturing" roscoe. you'll be blocked user9 and goodbye
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user11 You know you fucked up when queen Y/N herself writes smth like this to you 🫢
user12 tell them girl!!! you & lew are literally the best parents to roscoe ever!!!❣️
user13 🔥😍
user14 THE BODY GIVING
kellypiquet Wow, the dress is so beautiful!💝
yourusername aww kelly thank you sm! definitely have to see each other soon 💕🫶
kellypiquet Can't wait for the girls talk!
user15 omg imagine listening to y/n y/l/n and kelly piquet casually having girls talk w each other 😫😫
user16 The tea has to be hot between the wags
user17 OMG, gorgeous as always 💖
user18 this couple has me in a chokehold
user19 RIGHT?! why is nobody talking about the 4th pic
user20 They're so hot fr 🥵
user21 and cute too🥺
user22 Love you Y/N 💋
lewishamilton posted on instagram
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lewishamilton It's always important to focus on happy memories and remember the good moments with your loved ones. Couldn't ask for better people around me 🤞🏾💫
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user1 funny how he talks about positivity and then in the first picture he's holding middle fingers up lmfao XD
user2 Maybe he took Daniel's F.E.A. rule to his heart🤣
user3 what's that???
user2 Fuck 'em all
yourusername so lucky to have you around me lew! 🥰💗
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user4 stoppp I love her
user5 I wanna have what they have😩
charles_leclerc 🤞💫
user6 Ariana what are you doing here?!
user7 Beautiful 🙌❤️
user8 ohhh lew w his dad it's so cute
user9 His dad and Y/N in the same post... we are getting fed rn
neymarjr Amen brother!🙏❤️
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user10 I love their their friendship
user11 it's so unreal how the world is small and my fav football player is friends with my fav driver🤭
user12 THE MAN
user13 the second pic is adorable 🥹🥹
user14 I'm jealous but I don't know if I wanna be him or her
user15 honestly i wanna be the third person in their relationship... imagine dating y/n y/l/n & lewis hamilton all at once😩
user16 OMG REAL
user17 boyfriend lewis is my favorite 🫡
1st February 2024
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yourusername posted on instagram
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liked by scuderiaferrari, lewishamilton, maxfewtrell, t22felton and 3,340,276 others
yourusername guess it's time to change colours ❤️🍓🌹🏎
view all 29,650 comments
scuderiaferrari Welcome to the team, Y/N!❤️‍🔥🏎
user1 you'll make our fav wag depressed next year lol
user2 Ferrari made a master move here 👏
user3 welcome y/nnnnn 🥰
user4 I'm still shocked
user5 me too sis😭
user6 We all are 😃
user7 🔥🔥
user8 when the gf is posting about it, we know it's not just a joke anymore😥
user9 FORZA FERRARI
user10 omg me & y/n y/l/n will be fans of the same team!!!!
user11 literally the only good thing about this
alexandrasaintmleux red looks gorgeous on you 💋💋
yourusername on both of us babe 💋💋
user12 BESTIES
user11 okay this is another good thing about the whole lewis situation xd
user13 Y/N and Alex will be so iconic next year 🙇‍♀️
user14 literally life goals to be like them😍
user15 So excited for this🤩 favorite driver and favorite team and favorite wag🤝
user16 idc about ferrari, but y/n in red slays
user17 omg yessss she's so hot in that dress🥵
charles_leclerc And now you can't make fun of me and my therapist 😘
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user18 LOL
user19 not him admitting he goes to therapy bc of ferrari💀
user20 What about Carlos?? You said you come as a package 😡😪
user21 so true user20 it's so disrespectful towards carlos
user22 Guys calm down, this is their job and it's known for brutal driver switches. You'll have to deal with it, it's not personal business 🤷‍♂️
user23 yeah i don't think they're such good friends anyway... it was all for pr and marketing lmao
user24 I agree that it's just a sport, but pls don't do this to my charlos heart... their friendship HAS to be real😓
user25 Always support u and your boyfriend😉😉😉🙌🙌🙌
user26 Carlos deserved so much more!
user27 yes but she can't do anything about it girl, she's literally just dating Lewis 😐
user28 "Everybody is a Ferrari fan. Even if they say they're not, they are Ferrari fans." Vettel❤️
user29 i did not think it was real
user30 I need Lewis to comment something about this other than his statement pls 😭
user31 yeah i had high hopes bc he always comments and interacts w y/n's posts...
user32 Guess not this time😒
user33 Y/N unleashing more waves of chaos
user34 and we love our barbie for that 🤭
messages between Y/N and Lewis
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THE END
Author's Note: Thank you for reading this! I'll appreciate likes, reblogs, comments, follow and any other way of support. Also, I started my taglist, so if you want to be added or removed, let me know! That way you!ll be first to know that another smau or story came out :). Sorry for the cliffhanger at the end, but don't worry, I plan on making another part. Have a great day!
Taglist: @namgification @bloodyymaryyy
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One night at the Hotel, they're scrolling through HellFlix and Vaggie suddenly gasps.
Vaggie: NO FUCKING WAY! It's finally on here!
Charlie: What? You find a show you like?
Vaggie: Not just "like", this is the best show EVER! I've wanted to binge it with you for years!
Charlie: Oh, neat! So, what show is it? What's it about?
Vaggie: I got three words for you, babe. Xena. Warrior. Princess!
SHE WILL RULE IN HELL AT LAST! HER TV SHOW SHALL REIGN SUPREME IN THE HEARTS OF THE MOST DANGEROUS BEINGS IN HELL!!!!! there is just ONE worrying part to that though....
Charlie: "Wait, she kills the king of hell?"
Vaggie: "It's not a historically accurate show babe don't worry about it."
Charlie: "Still... now I'm picturing her murdering my dad. Not sure how to feel about it..."
Lucifer: (intensely eating popcorn behind them) "Well I'd feel GREAT about it!"
Charlie: "Wh- Dad!?"
Lucifer: "It would be an honor."
Charlie: "To be KILLED by her???"
Lucifer: "Of course! Look at her snarling war face! Look at her THIGHS-"
Charlie: "DAD!!!!!"
Vaggie: (sighing) "Wish I was king of hell so she'd murder me..."
Lucifer: "Poor Maggie." (pats her) "There there, maybe Xena- or Gabrielle might be better seeing as you've been cheering every time she comes on screen- maybe they'd agree to murder the princess consort of hell too?"
Vaggie: "I uhhhh- s-sir, me and Charlie, we're not-"
Lucifer: "Right yes of course! Future princess consort."
Vaggie: "Ffffffuture-?"
Charlie: "DAD HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT ABOUT XENA!? YOU ARE STILL MARRIED TO MOM!"
Lucifer: "Ohhh Char-Char.... Lilith would be FIRST in line for death at the hands of this warrior princess lady and her gal pal. Especially if they used those amazing thighs of theirs to-"
Vaggie: "Sir, please don't finish that sentence and ruin the best show in all creation for my girlfriend by adding more family trauma."
Lucifer: "Whoops! Gosh am I saying too much now? Oh golly, my bad my bad, ha ha ha!"
Charlie: "...."
Vaggie: "Sweetie? Wanna switch the show off for a while?"
Charlie: "....actually, Vaggie..."
Vaggie: "?"
Charlie: "... D'you think we could get a Xena costume in your size?"
Lucifer: (jaw drops)
Vaggie: "Hhhhh... I- yeah, probably? I mean.... this is hell, and her outfit is mostly leather, so...."
Charlie: "Would you wanna wearrrrr it~?"
Lucifer: (drops popcorn)
Vaggie: "Do you even have to ask?"
Charlie: "Mmmm heheh- but I like setting a good example, and you know I loooove it when people ask~"
-THUD-
Charlie: "ohshitballsdickfuck- DAD-"
Vaggie: "Hostia!" 
Lucifer: "IM FINE! AHAHAHA"
Charlie: "Dad- dad im so SORRY i forgot you were here-!"
Lucifer: "NO NO I HEARD NOTHING AND AM A-O-KAYYY!!!!"
Charlie: "You fell face first onto your own cane! You're BLEEDING!"
Lucifer: "Everything is fine! Once I've been sick into this bag of popcorn i will be extra specially FINE and our little impromptu family tv night together is going SO SPLENDEDLY WELL, isn't it Maggie!?"
Vaggie: "Ajo y agua..."
Charlie: "VAGGIE HELP- THE BLOOD??"
Vaggie: (sighing) (smiling) (standing up)
Vaggie: "...I'll go get the first aid kit."
-silly bonus-
Niffty: (from under couch) "I'll trade you the first aid kit for a vile of his bloooooood~~"
Charlie, Vaggie, Lucifer: (screaming and jumping on the couch and clinging to each other in terror)
Niffty: "Don't worry!" (giggles) "It's just for my Collection~"
Charlie, Vaggie, Lucifer: (screaming LOUDER)
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Text
Who Dares Summon Me: Human Vaggie & Charlie
Vaggie: (sitting in the living room of a piece of shit apartment and reading from a "demon summoning" book. the sound of gunfire and police sirens barely even registers to her ears anymore)
Vaggie: Okay, so I got the Pentagram, a goat (glances at two goat plushies she stole from a name brand toy store) Fuckers will live..... they make millions in a day.
Vaggie: Candles... (glances at the Bath & Body Works, cinnamon and vanilla scented candles)
Vaggie: And... blood.... uh.... (Looks at the bucket filled with water, corn syrup, red food coloring, and cocoa powder to help create a blood effect) Fuck... demons can tell the difference between real and fake blood, right? Dammit.
Vaggie: (cuts her finger with her pocket knife and lets] a few drops fall into the bucket) There. That should work. Now, let's see-
Lute: (comes out of her room half naked and throws a pair of panties at Vaggie) Yo, Vagina! Adam stole your underwear again as a prank, I guess. Here.
Vaggie: (gawks as she catches the garment and spikes it to the floor) Lute! What the fuck?! Can't you control your fucking boyfriend??? How did he even get into my room?! I keep it locked for that reason.
Lute: (grabs a beer out of the fridge, pops the cap off on the counter, starts chugging, and flips off Vaggie as she returns to her room for whatever round she and Adam are on)
Vaggie: Sick perverted sons of bitches... (turns back to the book) Read the forbidden script and make a pact. (Scoffs) Okay, edge lords. I'll give it a go.
Vaggie: (recites the script with some difficulty)
..........
Vaggie: (relaxes her back against the couch) Can't say I'm surprised. I literally bought this online for six-
-Fire tornado erupts from the Pentagram and burning red eyes stare down at Vaggie from the inferno-
Demon Charlie: WHO dares summon the powerful Princess of Hell- Oh, fuck!!! (Trips over the bucket and falls face first into Vaggie's lap, revealing that she is wearing a red dress with black thigh high stockings)
Vaggie: Jesus Fucking Christ!!!
Demon Charlie: (face still pressed against Vaggie's crotch) You have a very comfortable lap.
Vaggie: (grabs demon's horns and pulls her up so they're sitting in front of each other) You're actually a demon?
Demon Charlie: (blinks) Considering the fact that you're still holding my horns, I have this adorable little tail (waves her heart-shaped tail in hello), and I came straight up from Hell because of your summoning circle. Yup! (Sees the plushies and gasps) Oh! You even gave Razzle and Dazzle their own conduits! You're so sweet!
Vaggie: ...........Who?
Demon Charlie: Razzle and Dazzle! You know. My pets. It's written in chatper six, paragraph five, sentence three. (Snaps her fingers and the two goat plushies turn into two living goat demons with wings)
Vaggie: (scouring the book) What?!
Demon Charlie: (snuggling her boys) Also, I know you had to use a little of your own blood to make this work, which I promise to help heal that cut on your finger by the way, but Thank You So Much for just using fake blood! I always feel so bad when people actually use a bucket of real blood. I usually let my dad take those summonings.
Vaggie: (glances at the bucket rolling across the floor then back to the demon) Y-Youre dad?
Demon Charlie: Lucifer, the King of Hell. (Light bulb goes off) Oh! I never completed my introduction! I'm Charlie Morningstar, Princess of Hell and heir to the throne. Pleased to meet you!
Vaggie: Uh.... Vaggie.... I never would have expected the Princess of Hell to be so..... bubbly....
Demon Charlie: I get that a lot. Now! What can I do for you? How can I help? Do you need money? Power? A soul you'd like for me to devour?
Vaggie: N-No... nothing quite like that....
Demon Charlie: Oh, thank Satan! I hate eating souls. Most of them taste so bad!
Vaggie: Uh-huh.... Well.... I don't really have anything for you. I got bored and decided I'd try this out...
Demon Charlie: (disappointed) Really? But you sold me your virginity. Surely, there's something you want in exchange!
Vaggie: I'm sorry. WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?
Demon Charlie: Drop of virgin blood and (holds up Vaggies lavender panties) an article of clothing that covers your most intimate desire.
Vaggie: (silently screaming)
Demon Charlie: H-Hey! If it makes you feel any better, I'm still a virgin, too! (Under her breath) Not from lack of trying on other asshole's accunts, but still....
Vaggie: Ay, Dios mio!
Demon Charlie: Well, I can't take your payment until you come up with something you want, soooooooo! (Transforms into a human)
Charlie: (snuggles up to Vaggie's side) I'll just have to stay here with you until you come up with something!
Vaggie: (catatonic)
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adventuringblind · 3 months
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Unrequited Understanding
Norlestappen x Reader
Genre: Angst, hurt/comfort
Summary: Her father comes back into her life as a replacement race engineer. Now she can't escape him and his voice when she does the one thing she thought he couldn't touch.
Warnings: eating disorder, abuse, past child abuse, sef harm, suicide attempt
Notes: for @ashiekins, I hope you like it! I'M SORRY FOR THE ENDING I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF!
Masterlist // Request Form // My Website // buy me a Ko-Fi
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January
The new year had never felt so sweet. Her victory with Max and Redbull had been a dream. Max taking another championship, had the entire team walking on cloud nine.
She spent new years with her boys. It's tradition at this point to messily kiss all together as the new year comes around.
They'd done so much for her. She's come so far in her journey.
"What are you thinking about, Love?" Neither her nor Lando could sleep. Most nights, they end up talking to get the heavy thoughts to lessen a bit. It's why they get one half of the bed to themselves.
"How nice it feels to know I'm still here and loved." She rests her head on Lando's chest, the steady rythme of his heart lulling her into a restful state.
"Life wouldn't be the same without you." He kisses the top of her head as her mind finally gives into sleep.
February
Her and Max sit together at the large conference table. The factory is preparing for the new season. Energy is running high, and she can feel it crackling in the atmosphere.
Christian talks about how excited he is for the new season. 2023 is going to be theirs to dominate. Adrian has been working tirelessly to give them a title worthy car.
"We have had to make some last-minute changes to the team, unfortunately." Christian makes eye contact with her, and the good feeling she had dissolves. "Your race engineer has fallen terminally ill and is being hospitalized. The good news is we've found a last-minute replacement."
The door opens, and she feels the air leave her lungs. Her body shakes in fear of the man who takes confident strides to his chair.
Christian introduces them, clearly not understanding that they know each other very well. The man is her father, after all.
She has her mother's last name. Intent on separating herself from him entirely. He'd been doing Indie car for years. She never thought he'd make the switch after how they left things.
Max shoots her a concerned look, but she shakes it off. None of the boys had ever seen what her father looks like. They don't know she changed her last name.
She has no intention of ruining a good season because of her petty emotions. So, she says nothing.
March
It's not as bad as she thought it would be. They don't interact much aside from talking about data and while she's in the car.
The underhanded comments make her thoughts reel. The constant questioning of her skill while she's driving makes her think she's crazy. Her father is too good at making it look like a joke. People laugh with him, not understanding he means what he says.
He talks over her, cuts her off, bosses her around like she's still a child. She shrinks in on herself every time he cones around.
Stay silent and listen. That's what got her through her childhood. Just don't make him angry.
He lashes out when he's angry.
Charles is there when a nightmare causes her to be sick. A memory of her childhood that haunts her still.
The Monegasque holds her hair up and rubs her back as she sobs. He makes her a warm drink and holds her, letting her wet tears soak into his shirt.
"Do you want to talk about it, mon chéri?" He whispers gently against her forehead.
She inhales, breath catching in her throat as she does. "My dad, he - well - he used to say I'd never be anything. I sometimes dream about the memory."
"Your father and Jos can fuck off." Charles cups her face with his hands. "You are amazing. Whatever he told you is a lie. You've proven yourself to the world. Your younger self can rest knowing she got you here, that you are safe and loved and enough."
April
It's getting worse by the day. She's not sure where her father got the idea that he could order her around like she's still five and karting. It's getting annoying and ridiculous.
He's taken to snatching any food out of her hand and tossing it away into the nearest bin. What a waste. He could've eaten it himself.
He keeps telling her the car is too heavy. The data doesn't show that, but whatever. Her food being taken from her like when she was young was not how she expected the season to go. She takes to not eating because it's easier than fighting with him.
Her physio keeps asking her about why her weight seems to be plummeting recently. Even trying to get it back on her with altered meal plans. The concerns get brought up later in a meeting with Christian. The severity of her condition being made apparent.
Max watches her sob over a salad. She can tell he wants to push, asked what is causing the relapse. Understand where her head is at.
He hands her a water bottle and waits until she drinks the entire thing. "It's okay to struggle, but please don't shut us out. You don't have to do this alone, alright?"
She doesn't respond, simply collapses into his patient arms.
May
Lando and Charles happened to be passing by at the worst time. The Redbull garage still buzzing with the excitement of Max's podium and her mediocre result compared.
They saw her race engineer laying into her about every mistake. No other staff around to hear the conversation. Her head hung in shame as he pointed out every flaw.
Charles interrupts with such ease. He says her PR officer was looking for her earlier. It gets her to excuse herself from the conversation, leaving the two boys with her engineer.
"Mind your own business next time," scoffs the older man. He leaves the younger two confused.
Charles takes in Lando's mildly anxious body movements. "Something isn't right, Charles. She had that same look from when we were rookies."
Charles hums in agreement. "We'll have to wait for her to come to us for now."
June
The underhanded comments are getting progressively worse. People have started noticing that something is off about her race engineer and his behavior towards her.
Meetings are difficult and the team is walking on eggshells. Max looks ready to explode and has been ripping her father to pieces after every comment. He gets in trouble, so she asks him to stop.
She doesn't mind. Her whole life has been taking this kind of behavior from him. Max knows better than anyone that it's best to respect that kind of ask.
"I'm here if things ever get to a point where you want it to stop. I will always be here for you."
July
Her wight combined with her self-harming habits are making it harder to drive. Somewhere in her head she knows she can't continue like this. The car no longer works with her.
Christian keeps pulling her into his office and asking her about where she's at. Warning her the if she continues down this road, she won't be able to drive. That he'll be forced to find a replacement.
She cries as the boys hold her. She tells them she's not sure if she can do it anymore, that she's not cut out for this sport. They comfort and reassure her that's a lie.
Her thoughts remain stuck on being a burden to them. She gets better just to fall once more into her old habits. They have careers and goals that would be easier to achieve without her around.
Maybe her father is right about her after all.
August
The summer break brings them a much-needed reprieve from the fast-paced world they live in. She gets to spend time away from the incessant voice of the man she hates. Her boys occupying her mind instead.
There is a finality about this that she can't explain. Like things can only get better from here on out. That something in her future is going to bring her the one thing she's looking for.
Swimming in the ocean and eating what they want. They laugh and joke like nothing has changed. It's the first time in months that she feels normal.
This is how things should be. The smile on her face is genuine and the boys can all tell.
September
The cuts line her skin in an unorganized fashion. Angry, red, and bleeding. Her race had been ended early due to a collision. She'd been collateral damage; it wasn't her fault.
The media didn't see it that way. Her father definitely had no mercy when he mercilessly explained how she will never be good enough as a driver.
Hidden away in her drivers' room now, watching the blood pour from her skin. The boys know, they've seen the fresh lines. They are trying to find a way to get her to stop, but these feeling are fighting back harder than ever before. She's not sure how to fight them anymore.
Disappearing seems like the best option. The only way she'll be able to escape the dark thoughts swirling in her head. The one place her father won't be able to touch her anymore will be in her death.
She moans as the blade digs deeper. The ecstasy that accompanies addiction is a feeling she will always crave. Sick satisfaction bubbles in her throat and pour out on her eyes as red stains the floor.
This wasn't her plan, but it's okay. The pain makes all her thoughts go away. Lessens the weight on her chest. Forces her mind to focus on something else.
Everything is spinning and then it goes dark.
Warm hands and comforting words. That's all she's ever wanted.
October
The boys can see how sick she is. Max won't let her be alone in the garage. Not after she almost died.
Her physio is with her when none of the boys are. They keep asking her questions that she won't give answers to.
It's not until an altercation with her father is finally caught. He's condemning her over the radio while she's driving. They'd had an argument earlier about how she should be taking turn three.
The public execution is miserable. Still, she puts her head down and drives.
The second-place trophy has never felt heavier. It drags her arms downwards as she heads to the garage with Max. He doesn't know about what happened yet and she hopes it stays that way. She screams as she puts it away in her room.
She avoids her father as much as possible on the way to the press conference. The glimpse she does get of him leaves a bitter taste in her mouth. Christian looks angry as he presses a finger into her father's chest.
She's zoned out majority of the conference. Until A journalist with a soft voice is asking about her feelings towards her race engineer.
"It's just how things are sometimes. I wasn't listening to instructions, and he was frustrated. It happens." She shrugs it off like this is the most normal everyday occurrence. Which, in her defense, it kind of is.
Every media outlet seems to want to know more about it. Her emotions are struggling to remain contained. the inevitable sobs escape after a particularly worded question about whether his actions could be considered abuse or not.
She breaks, collapsing in the middle of the media pen. Her boys are there blocking the view of the cameras as her body fails to move.
They know now what has been happening. Her secret is out there for everyone to see.
November
Her father is fired from the team with immediate effect. Christian apologizes relentlessly for not knowing and not seeing it sooner.
The media is asked to refrain from asking about the incident and anything regarding her past race engineer. They respect it, probably wanting to avoid another meltdown in the middle of an interview.
Max, Lando and Charles are with her through every step of the way. They encourage her to talk to them and she does. It feels nice not having to hold in her family secrets.
They want to help her, and she wants to be helped.
Her race engineer for the end of the season ends up taking the job for next year. He's kind and keeps his voice calm. Her last few drives amaze everyone.
The top step of the podium has never felt so good. She didn't need to prove herself to anyone, but the confidence it brings her is hard to deny.
Closure feels even better.
December
Her therapist is proud of her for opening up to the boys more. They don't push her to spill everything, but they encourage her when she does.
The end of the year pulls them closer together. After everything that happened, she wasn't sure she was going to see 2024 come around. She's glad she does though.
She fought to the end. She made it to her peace. A place where her father can't touch.
Warm hands and gentle words for all of eternity.
January... Again
Three boys stand in front of a grave. Her favorite flowers in hand. The silence stretches between them. None of them know how to proceed.
The memory of finding her on the floor replays in Max's head. He should've known to find her right after the race. That cold September afternoon in Zandvoort. The day she bled out for one final time.
Charles and Lando assure Max it's not his fault. IT hadn't been her plan. There was no note, not even a warning sign aside from her mental health declining.
Her father, who they now know was the catalyst for her relapse, is in jail. Christian made sure to get him put away so the boys wouldn't have to worry about it.
The other drivers came to the funeral. The journalists respect their wishes not to speak on the matter. They need to heal before they can even think about trying to explain how all three of them had taken time off.
The FIA pushed the races back since Redbull needed to sort things out. The memorial on the track has been visited by everyone on the team.
They tried so hard. They wanted her to stay. They can only hope that she found what she needed in whatever lies beyond this life.
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I'm asking for a big favor.
My life is a waste! Everyone knows it. I'm not smart. I'm not good-looking. I have no friends. And, the only girls that look at me are the ones trying to look past my fat-ass body to see whatever I'm blocking. I'm a senior in high school with no future.
My dad will want me to go to community college. He'd even pay for it and support me to eventually going to an actual university. But, he just doesn't understand I'm a lost cause. I've started thinking my youth would be better suited to someone else. Someone who wouldn't waste the opportunities youth can bring.
Then I began to think ... no one is a better candidate than my dad. He had me in his mid 20's. My mom died soon after I was born. Being a single dad, his only focus was to raise me. Any dreams he had for himself were buried with my mother.
But, I guess I let them both down. My dad is the opposite of me. Now, in his 40s, his body is still strong. He has some pudge from age. He is smart and charming. If he'd get a do over, he'd make the most of it. Sometimes, he'd talk about plans he'd have but then shuts up. I guess he doesn't want to make me feel worse considering the bullying at school. The worst part is how much he actually wants the best for me. But I can't do anything right.
I hope this is not too hard. My dad already has all the good traits. The only main thing I want swapped is our ages. And, maybe a reality swap. I'd be his dad. I'd support him financially somehow. I'll drive him to his football games. And, then to college. He'd vist me, and I'll see how good his life turned out. And, eventually, when he is ready again ... I'll see his new ... hopefully better children. My grandchildren.
That seems easy enough. You want your dad to notice his glory days. And while you said he had you in his 20s why not restart the clock right then?
It’s a week before you are going to college and it’s already seemed like it’s been so long since you made this wish. You’re about to turn 19 and you even forget that you made this wish before until your father gives you a hug as you’re packing your bags getting for college. A weird electric shock goes through both of younger you touch. It was odd. Before you know you’re both saying goodbye and you get in the car and head off going to hang out with some friends for the night.
That night you feel ill. Every part of your body aches and your sweating. Ignoring that your father has messaged you asking if you’re feeling alright because he himself is feeling bad too. You taken a few shots and hope that is makes the feeling go away but it doesn’t do anything to make the feeling go away.
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The next day you get up and you’re not feeling any better. If anything you are feeling worse. Granted you did drink enough to paralyze a horse last night. You go home and your dad is waiting there but he looks different. He looks…younger…he stops and looks at you. And just says “how’re you feeling bud..”. Fine fine your tell him. And he I just follows you around like sick puppy. Finally you snap demanding to know what it is. And finally he says. “Look in the mirror…I don’t know what’s happening but I started feeling sick last night and I woke up feeling great ! And I have a feeling…you feel bad. And I don’t think it’s because of the alcohol…”
You look in the mirror and you’re shocked. Staring back you is the reflection of someone who is definitely not about to turn 19. It’s more of a reflection of someone who is about to turn 29! A thick mustache rested over your lip. You could see shoulder hair creep long over your back and a thick mat of a chest hair forming. Wrinkles were staring to form at the edges of your eyes.
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“What’s happening to me!!” You demand to know but your dad is quiet. You demand to know but he tells you he doesn’t know. But isn’t possible that he looks even younger now that he did when you first got home!! What the hell was going on!! It was like you two were swapping ag….and then it hit you….”oh no…no no no!!!!” And then you admitted to your father. How you made that wish a long time ago. That you felt like a failure and wished for him to be able to live out his youth and you wished to swap your ages. He was so supportive. But it was so odd. Coming from a man that looked younger than you now. “So what do we do?” He asked. You didn’t know yet. You really didn’t know what to think about the whole thing. You being forced to become older and he younger. A permanent age swap !
Your clothes quickly stopped fitting as your father’s clothes became a better fit. Even his shoes. It only made sense for you to retire to each others bedrooms at night. You even developed his habits without wanting to. Smoking. Drinking a 6 pack of beer during the day. By the end of the week you were no longer hesitant on the swap. You were living it to the max. You had become hairier and older. Aging to 43 and balding and even deviling a slight beer belly. You were the dad and treating your new son as he needed to be treated.
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The difference was that you knew your son was going to have some confidence issues so you had to make sure that you being the alpha of the family were going to keep him in line. When you dropped your son off at college you took him to the wrestling coach and made him sign up for the team. He was going to be an all star. He needed to live out your dreams after all. He had some big shoes to fill and you were going to sure he filled them and he worked hard to do it.
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gunthermunch · 5 months
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[Transcript under the cut]
WG: hi Gunther: hi uh- sorry if i woke you up or something. i felt like calling. i don't know. WG: nah i was just… hanging. what's up? Gunther: ah uh- well. we're cutting our honeymoon short. Lilith had one of those really bad nightmares yesterday and she insists on going back with the kids. WG: seriously? it's not even been a whole week yet Gunther: it's that bad. i've never seen her this alarmed before Gunther: so uh- yeah. make sure to get Garrett from Caleb's before tomorrow night? please? she really needs the kids around. WG: yeah yeah. ahah. Bluma's gonna hate that Gunther: speaking of, i'm standing in the shore in my underwear because i want a starfish or something colorful and or shiny for said little lady. the sand feels horrible in my feet, i have to add. Gunther: how is she? WG: oh yeah. it's disgusting. WG: and she's doing excellent. Everything's excellent in fact; Bluma made a friend and Garry's first steps were right in front of me Gunther: …i'd need you to be more specific before i yell WG: i'm half joking. The house you and grandpa got includes a big freaking haunted maze, you geniuses. Gunther: what. WG: okay. I'll make a sum up. Gunther: i'd prefer all the details
WG: so are these forever or…? Caleb: oh no, nonono. well. not unless he learns or wants to control his mind controlling powers. Morgyn: if you ask me it' be fantastic to just glue those sunglasses on him WG: are you kidding? Garry's sick little powers could make us RICH Morgyn: and how exactly you plan on doing that? WG: dunno. infant robbery? i'm sure he'd love that Morgyn: my godness.
Bluma: the world has gone insane! all crazy! why'd they bring Garry back?! Bluma: not fair… and you! Jojo! Jojo why won't you sleep in the bed i made for your little body! Jojo: meow Bluma: i even gave you your own light because you've been on that basement for so long you must be scared of the dark! Jojo: mrow… Bluma: your- did your last owner let you sleep on his bed? is that why you don't like yours? Bluma: …what happened to them anyways? i saw the picture. Bluma: wish your kitty paws knew how to write… but i can't even read well either Gunther: hello my little flower Bluma: papa!!! Bluma: dad i missed you so much! so many things happened i really wanted you to see! Gunther: i know darling your uncle told me everything Bluma: all of it? Gunther: in big detail, yes. Even about your Jojo Gunther: how's he not dead? Bluma: dunno! Gunther: we need to get him checked in every way possible. The basement too, good lord. Garlic down there? Bluma: and ghosts! my kitty radio the Goth lady made spirit-y played a lot of music on it's own! Gunther: oh god Bluma: yes!! Gunther: now what are YOU so excited about Bluma: daaad!!! Gunther: …Bluma darling, there's something we need to talk about.
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apomaro-mellow · 1 month
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Hot for Teacher(s) 6
Part 5 / AO3 Link
Steve was too in shock to do anything at first. Then he grabbed Eddie by the shirt and pulled him in close, pressing his nose to his neck where his scent was strongest. Eddie did a very good job of keeping still while an omega he was crazy for sniffed at him so intently.
"It really was you", Steve said after a moment, still so close that Eddie could feel his lips move. "Why didn't you ever say anything?"
Eddie's eyes bugged out of his head. "Me!? Why didn't you? You're the one who was all 'have we met before?' You could've-"
"I didn't know! I mean, I didn't remember!", Steve exclaimed as he moved back from Eddie's personal space. Then he frowned. "I was delirious from pushing out an entire human and nearly falling to rejection sickness. What's your excuse for not recognizing me?", he crossed his arms.
"Baby", Eddie smiled fondly and Steve kind of hated how he was starting to melt at that. "In your words, you had just pushed out a whole human. You were looking rather...disheveled", he put gently.
Steve's face had been red and swollen from the effort, glistening with sweat. His hair either stuck to his forehead or a mess of a nest, sticking in the hair. How was he supposed to equate that person with the one in front of him? It had been a day of high stress for both of them. Eddie had just come from visiting his uncle after a bad accident when a nurse asked him in a rush if he was available to assist an omega giving birth.
"My mom was kind of in a similar situation, so I'm told", Eddie said. "My dad had been arrested the night before. Luckily she was able to get a hold of Wayne so he could be with her."
He could still remember the sour scent in the room, nothing like the lovely way Steve smelled now. Even back then, he'd been in disbelief that there hadn't been anyone that locked him down. Not officially, anyway. And still hadn't. Then Eddie realized he could be the one.
"You know I always kinda wondered what happened to the guy and his kid. Glad I got to find out", he beamed. "Did you ever think about the mysterious alpha?"
"Honestly? Yes", Steve replied. During the worst of him and Billy, it would creep up from the back of his mind. "I didn't know anything about him besides the fact that he'd been there when I needed him. And sometimes I'd wonder if he was like that all the time."
Eddie leaned in a little. "And?"
"And, I found out he's been my son's teacher, guiding him through a formative year of his life incredibly well. He's better than I could have ever imagined."
Unable to help himself, Eddie grabbed Steve's face in a careful hold and kissed him. Steve answered with just the right amount of softness, but then pushed him down onto the couch. Eddie let out a small whimper when Steve pushed his leg between his, brushing against him. Steve grinned against his lips and sat up with a mischievous look.
"You took such good care of me. Time to return the favor."
"Holy shit", Eddie breathed out as he watched Steve slide down his body.
Steve unzipped the alpha's pants and opened them up, mouthing and licked at his cock through his boxers, getting it obscenely wet. Eddie was fully hard in record time. One hand gripped the back of the couch. Steve pulled him out and Eddie wasn't even able to look down as he felt that alluring heat surround him. He knew he'd cum instantly.
But the wet sounds on their own were too much too, so he finally ventured a look. It was a near mistake because the moment he did, his eyes met Steve's and he bucked into his mouth.
"Sorry! Sorry", he said, not meaning to choke the other.
Steve just smiled as he pulled off and licked his lips. "Can you do something for me?"
Eddie just nodded dumbly. Steve could ask him to commit arson. Not that he wouldn't do that anyway, but still.
Steve took the hand that wasn't clutching the couch and put it to his head. "Can you keep my hair out of my face?" He didn't wait for an answer as he put his mouth back on Eddie, sucking away.
Later on, Eddie would think about how the products in Steve's hair did a pretty good job of keeping his hair out of his face and that he'd asked for his own reasons. Eddie thought he was doing well though, fingers digging into his hair and holding it back while Steve went to town on his dick, moaning around it like he was desperate for it.
Eddie was right on the edge when Steve pulled off, suddenly remembering something. He stood up, ignoring the alpha's whines as he pulled him up.
"We've gotta go to the bedroom."
"Oh, yeah, hell yeah." Eddie was all for that.
Steve smirked as he led him by the wrist. He had just remembered that if he had sex with Eddie on the couch there was a chance Shawn would smell that as well. Fragrance spray could only cover so much.
Eddie was so sweet through the whole thing, seeming to not believe that he got to touch Steve like this. Steve encouraged him through the whole thing, wanting to be touched, wanting to be loved on and marked up.
-----------------
The next morning. Steve's alarm went off, reminding him that he had an alpha to get out of the house before his son got back home. In a flurry of clothes, Eddie got dressed. Steve threw on a robe that went down to his knees, preserving his modesty. He followed Eddie down the stairs, sharing about three kisses at the door before Eddie took off.
He pulled out of the driveway and left at nearly the same time that Robin could be seen walking Shawn from her house. At the last second Steve remembered the spray the living room and kitchen. He had just enough time to light a scented candle before Robin was walking in without knocking.
"The stork has come with your baby delivery~!"
"I'm not a baby", Shawn giggled.
"Oh but you'll always be my baby", Steve pinched his cheeks playfully. "Did you get breakfast yet?"
Shawn nodded. "We made our own smoothies!"
"Then you have just enough energy to finish up your homework", Steve decided.
Shawn tried to negotiate going to the park if he finished but Steve sent him on his way because he was seeing the look on his friend's face and thought it should not be addressed around the ears of children.
"I thought you were done slutting around", Robin grinned, eyeing the robe.
Steve rolled his eyes. "It's not slutting when it's just one guy and I'll take you to court on that. Let me shower and I'll tell you everything."
As he washed up, he thought briefly whether or not Shawn should know. He quickly decided that he would ask Eddie first if he wanted Shawn to know that they had actually met much earlier. Once out of the shower, he texted the question to him, understanding if the alpha wanted to keep it a secret for now.
Just because Eddie had been there for the birth of his child didn't mean this needed to suddenly turn serious. They certainly couldn't be too open about it when Shawn was still his student. Parents and staff would talk. And he didn't want his kid getting caught in the mix.
Eddie's reply came a couple of hours later, when they were at the park. Shawn had successfully negotiated.
Eddie: What do you want me to be for you and Shawn?
Part 7
Tag Team
@anne-bennett-cosplayer @aol19 @lololol-1234 @gregre369 @attic-cat-blog @hippieg1rl420
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romanoffs-widow · 8 months
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Sorry for everything
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Sum: Nat takes out her anger on you after a stressful couple of weeks.
Warnings ⚠️ : Shouting, arguing, and split up?
A/N: Thank you very much to @bobisek96 for requesting this fic, I hope it's okay 😭 and tysm to everyone for all the love on my (not actually first) first fic! I appreciate you all sm ❤️
(I promise there is eventual fluff 😅)
Happy reading! 😊
NATASHA POV:
Everyone thinks being an Avenger is so easy. All you gotta do is a couple of fights and interviews, and that's it, right? Wrong. These last couple of weeks have had me exhausted and honestly drained.
Steve and Tony keep arguing about useless crap, Lena accidentally stained the couch with red wine and didn't even tell me, so I sat in it and stained my favourite sweatpants and I've had to do 6 different interviews because Tony had a cold and couldn't do them, and on top of all that, Morgan has clung to me like a magnet since her dad has been sick. I love kids, and I really do, but not when I'm exhausted and keep having nightmares, leaving me sleepless almost every other night.
"Hey Natty," she says with that smile I love so much. I don't know what it is, but even y/n/n can't cheer me up today. Too tired to respond, I just give her a nod. Hopefully, she can see I don't want to talk right now.
I went to change into comfier clothes. I feel a pair of hands wrap around my waist. I shrug her off, getting annoyed. "Are you okay, baby?" I roll my eyes as I put my top over my head. "I'm fine." Maybe now she'll get it? "You know if you don't want to talk to me, just say." She says it with a tone that tips me ove rather edge.
"You know what? Maybe I don't want to talk to you. Maybe all I want to do is lay down in our bed and try my very best to relax! I have had such a hard couple weeks, and all you do is bug me because you're a pathetic childish wench that wants my attention all the time! If you knew what I go through every single day as an Avenger, maybe you'd at least try to understand how hard my job is! So please just shut your whiny mouth up and get out. I don't want to see your face EVER AGAIN!"
Y/N POV:
My vision is beyond blurry as I feel the endless stream of tears rolling down my cheeks. My hands are shaking, and anxiety is sitting heavy on top of my chest. "Alright. O-okay." I get up, and without saying anymore, I grab my backpack and start shoving a bunch of clothing into it. I go into the bathroom and grab my toothbrush, as well as the other necessities that belonged to me.
With my bag and arms full with items, I give the redhead one last look. Her face is still red from all the shouting she did as she stared at the floor, in the same spot she'd been in for a couple of minutes. I give her a small nod, sniffling as I close the door. I am fully aware the whole compound heard all of that, and honestly, they should. I don't deserve to be treated like that.
I'm going to miss this place. The past 9 years of my life have been spent living here, getting to know all of the amazing people within. I had so many memories here, one of the first being when Morgan was born. She had a head full of hair and a smile that looked just like her fathers'.
As I walked out of the tower, I went to the first person I could think of. Wanda Maximoff, my best friend of 5 years. She does live in the compound, but she also owns an apartment on the other side of the city for emergencies. She gave me a spare key when she got it. Thankfully, I'd never used it before, so I'd never seen the interior of the four walls.
Memories, good and bad swirls around in my head, as I twist the bronze key into the lock. It took me an hour to get here, with the bus and all. I get settled in, as I know I'll be staying here for a while. I started getting myself a snack when I heard the door swing open. I look at it to see the red magic I'd come to know very well.
"Y/n/n honey? Are you in here?" As soon as I hear her voice, I run over to her, the flow of tears starting up again. "Oh my god, are you okay? She didn't hurt you, did she?" I shake my head, unable to speak. "Oh, my poor baby. I'm so sorry I didn't find you sooner. Everyone is out looking for you. I'd better call Pietro and tell him to tell everyone you're safe."
I just hug her tighter. "E-e-even...?" She looks at me with guilt in her eyes. "We all heard what she said to you, and F.R.I.D.A.Y said that you'd left, so we all went looking for you. None of us have heard from her since." By now, I've soaked her hoodie with my never-ending tears.
"Shhhh, it's okay, you're okay." Wanda whispers as she rubs my back to calm me down.
1 MONTH LATER...
I hear a knock at the door. Wanda only left, and she had her own key, so it definitely wasn't her, and i haven't ordered any packages. Deciding i dont care, I go to open it. I see nothing but a white teddy bear holding an envelope sitting on the welcome mat. There is no sign of anyone being here, as the halls are silent. I pick up the toy and bring it inside, closing the door. I go and put it on the counter, taking the red letter from its paws. It had my first initial on the front.
Our place, 2 pm?
- N xx
I roll my eyes. Even if I was very upset with her, she always knew how to make me smile. I check the clock, seeing it's already 1pm, so I decide to start getting ready.
I step into the shop and immediately see Natasha. As I get closer, I can see that she has bags under her eyes, and I see that her knuckles are all red and sore. She's probably been training to get her mind off us. "Hey," She goes to hug me, and I let her. "Hi." She ordered both our favourite drinks.
"How have you been?" I scoff. "What kind of a question is that? My girlfriend of 9 years kicked me out because she was having a rough couple of weeks and hasn't even bothered talking to me for a whole month, and you think I'm okay?" She looks down with guilt filled eyes. "...no. Sorry."
I sip from my cup. "Are you gonna give me some pathetic excuse as for why you made me leave like that, or what?" She nods her head, and takes a Depp breath.
"What I said was really messed up. I shouldn't have called you any of those rude names or said any of that to you. I was having a hard couple of weeks, and I just wanted some quiet. Which I got. But by all means, that's no excuse to take my anger out on you. I don't know if you even want to talk to me anymore after what I did, and I know I don't deserve your forgiveness or anything remotely close but I really am sorry y/n/n. These past 9 years have meant so much to me, and I don't want them to go down the drain because of my stupid actions."
She pauses for a while. Waiting for me to give her some sort of response. "Thank you. I'm sorry for bothering you so much, but it would be very helpful if you communicated how you feel to me, so I know when you need space. I haven't forgiven you. That's going to take a long time, but if you're willing to work on this, so am I. Okay?" She puts her hand on top of mine. "Okay."
6 MONTHS LATER...
Everything had been going actually quite well with y/n, and I. I've been working on my communication, and she's been helping me to recognise when I feel like I need space. She's moved back into the compound, and as of recently, she's started staying in our room again.
"Hey baby." I forgot how much I love her voice. "Hi malysh. Cuddles?" She nods her head and wraps herself around me on the couch. We quickly get sucked into our newfound favourite show, Greys Anatomy. "Meredith really is gorgeous, but not as gorgeous as you!" I say as I give her a kiss on the cheek. "I'm nothing compared to McDreamy." I laugh, knowing she loves Derek too much.
"Sorry...for everything." She turns to look at me with her eyebrows furrowed, abandoning our show. "I know. It's okay." She adjusts herself so she can kiss my lips. "I love you." She snuggled back onto me, sucking back into the show.
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loupy-mongoose · 4 months
Note
Was all of this gallbladder stuff sudden, or is it just sudden for us because you never mentioned anything about a gallbladder removal until recently
I mentioned a few times throughout the first week of Jan. that I was having some tummy issues, but I never really brought it to the spotlight. The most I did was inform you all that I had gotten "sick", and then only a few days ago mentioned my gall bladder.
There is very little way I can call this sudden in general, however.
I'm... actually gonna put this under a read more, because it runs a lot deeper than just these last few weeks... (Kinda turned into a life-story lol)
So, throughout that first week of Jan, I was having off-and-on mild pain. Nothing too intense, and I'd been through it many, many, MANY times before. (Yeah.... MANY.)
I tried to wait it out every time, only going to Doctors twice for it, and it would eventually go away. I would be careful with my eating afterword (based on past experiences, not any research or knowledge) and eventually I'd be back to normal for the time being.
The time between spells varied. Sometimes it was only months, sometimes it was almost a year. I don't think I ever went beyond a year with no spell, but I can't remember.
This started about
TEN
YEARS
ago.
If each episode has been a pancreatitis attack, then I consider it no small miracle that I'm as good off as I am.
I went to the Doctor once for it as a youth, and they gave me some kind of IBS or other pill for bloating. They did nothing to help, and I didn't pursue any more doctor visits about it until '22.
That time the pain didn't go away for many days, and it got incredibly incapacitating. So I went to the Doctor (completely different one from the first--we'd moved states.) I got some imaging done and they found Pancreatitis and Colitis. They gave me antibiotics and sent me home to recover.
But they didn't finds gallstones.
So I recovered and felt armed to better handle these pain episodes--Just limit my consumption to liquids.
Well, I was doing alright until now.
We had... a V E R Y fatty Christmas dinner, and I was grazing off of the worst of it the following week.
Then, come New Year's Eve, I start to feel that little ache. I... I ignored it, and ate some of the goodies we'd prepared for the night, a little more reserved about it than I normally would've been. Eating has always been one of my absolute favorite parts of that time of year, and I didn't want to let my potential stomach issue completely ruin it for me.
I'm actually surprised by how mild the pain was at first, given all the nasty stuff I'd been eating.
Anyway, that mild pain subsided, and I foolishly let myself eat some more leftover goodies, thinking I was being careful. And of course, it came back.
This went on through the week, with me gradually being more and more careful about what I ate, trying to eat more stomach-bug friendly foods like crackers and toast.
A night finally came where it was so irritating that I threw up. That night it instantly made me feel better. I still increased my carefulness in consumption the following day, taking in nothing but a couple cups each of Pedialyte and chicken broth.
But still it came back. And that was the night it got bad.
I threw up a couple more times that night, and instead of helping this time... the second time left me in a lot of pain. So much that it was uncomfortable to breathe. Uncomfortable to do anything.
Thankfully my dad didn't have work that night (he works overnights), so we ultimately decided at about 6 am to take me to the emergency room.
There they found the gallstones and got blocking ones out of the way, and I spent the following week recovering in the hospital.
It seems most likely that gallstones have been the offender all these years, but the symptoms never quite matched that. I remember once looking into Pancreatitis and seeing that the symptoms matched that pretty well, but never let gallstones settle as an option.
Anyway, I guess I can at least say I have some closure after all this time. It'll be good to finally be free from this plague!
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milkbreadandtadpoles · 4 months
Text
soup and stars
˚ ༘ ೀ⋆。˚⋆˚🐾˖°⋆。°🎧•‧.₊˚🐰‎₊˚⋆⭒。⋆୨୧˚˚ ༘ ೀ⋆。˚⋆˚🐾˖°⋆。°🎧•‧.₊˚🐰‎₊˚⋆⭒。⋆୨୧˚
snip: you keep sukuna's favorite after workout drink in your fridge. and no, you don't frequent that store. sukuna looks at you like you hung the moon and painted the sky yourself when you're either on the brink of death or not paying attention (it's only with his eyes, though. he's a certified rbf). the two of you have been hooking up for over a year with little conversation outside of snarky comments and emojis he doesn't get.
and he sometimes takes care of you when you're sick for five hours only.
warnings: suggestive language, sukuna being a parallel of this guy i used to hookup with who was srsly emotionally constipated and really milked my daddy issues, reader being dumb (lol me), probably a lot of run on sentences and weird descriptions but i am not srry ab it, no Y/N here, a lot of parentheses for some reason
authors note: omg hey. i have this a03 and i thought i'd put a tumblr to pair it together cuz i had an old tumblr but i was kinda done w her (may she rest in peace!) anywayyy my name is lillie, hi again. hope u enjoy this!! luv me some sukuna who reminds me of all my bad flings.
˚ ༘ ೀ⋆。˚⋆˚🐾˖°⋆。°🎧•‧.₊˚🐰‎₊˚⋆⭒。⋆୨୧˚˚ ༘ ೀ⋆。˚⋆˚🐾˖°⋆。°🎧•‧.₊˚🐰‎₊˚⋆⭒。⋆୨୧˚
Since when did you get sick like this?
This time, not that time you lied to your boss, you have an actual stomach bug. Stomach thing. Food poisoning from bad sushi. You don't know.
What you do know, however, is that everything smells bad, you can’t stomach anything other than a handful of saltine crackers. You couldn’t even finish your coffee yesterday morning; you’re just coming down from a fever. Everything is hot and cold, nothing feels right on your skin. Noises are too loud, but the silence is making your ears bleed. 
Curled up into the sheets, you shiver. It rocks over you, feeling cold despite your body burning off whatever infection is brewing in your gut. Your skin feels crusty yet damp, scalp itchy and pulled back into two haphazard buns. Stray strands lay over your forehead that twinkles with cold sweat.
Vampire Diaries plays in the background, volume loud enough so you can hear where you’re at within the series but quiet enough to give you grace if you wish to take another four hour nap. You don’t even want to get on your phone, ignoring the occasional, silent buzzes and flashing light that draw your eyes away from the fuzz of your blanket.
Time passes in a druken haze, not knowing whether you slept or not, not feeling entirely there at all. You fail to count the amount of times you got up to throw up or sit on the toilet, thankful the walls are snug enough to rest your head on the wall of it to contemplate if it’s worth passing out before you gather your wits and crawl back into bed.
There’s a rustle in your sheets, a distant sound of intro music for the vampire show.
“You still watchin’ this shit?” A gruff voice sounds from above you.
Your brows furrow in your sleepy haze- you don’t have energy to fight an intruder, pulling the sheets over your head that throbs from lack of everything. Horribly big hands paw at the clothed dip in your waist. And you let out a mixture of a whine and huff at the realization that your little fling (if you could even call it that) picked a horrible day to play.
“Sukuna,” You murmur, drawing the blankets higher above the crown of your head before he has a chance to yank it down and see your very unprepared self, “Not a good time.”
Sukuna, an occasional fuck and lackluster addition to your friend group, scoffs a laugh, muttering something about you really being a freak, something about thanking your dad for giving you all these issues that only he can handle as he gropes the flesh of your ass.
And it would feel so lovely if you weren’t on the brink of death.
“Eggroll. All the eggrolls.”
He groans, lifting his hand away from you in agreement to the safe word (because that one time when the two of you didn't have one and you reacted that way actually scared the shit out of him). 
“I’m sick.” You add quietly, urging your body to morph into a tighter ball. If Sukuna were his younger brother, or his younger brother’s friend, you’d ask either of them to cover you with another blanket. Or to refill your water bottle. Maybe even run to the store down the road and grab you some soup. But this is Sukuna, and-
There’s a harsh tug at the blanket covering your head, and you try to weakly grip the fabric in place.
“That’s why you didn’t answer my text? ‘Cause you’re all disgusting and shit?” He questions, giving one more quick tug to reveal your messy hair, the tint to the apples of your cheeks. The way his gaze feels makes the very top of your gut churn, and you scrunch your face as you decide whether or not you need to puke again.
“Mhm.” You nod, begging for the fabric back with a soft tug. Sukuna relents, snorting as you cover your head back up.
His body weight makes your bed frame squeak as he repositions himself to slouch next to you, and you peer at him through the crack of the blanket. He pulls out his phone, typing on it lazily. Through your bubbling stomach, confusion festers simply because he isn’t moving.
“Thought you not replying was you trying to be cute ’n shit.” A hand makes its way onto your lower back, the weight of it making your eyes bulge in silent surprise. With all your strength, you shake your head and whisper a soft sorry. He tuts, like all weirdly immature but mature, rude but nice and confusing older brother types do, dismissing your apology with a little pat on your back.
Another pat, and you’re snuggling into the blankets and letting your eyes close, mapping the way his hand feels and ignoring the way your stomach cramps. You hear the distant sound of a picture being taken, only being able to mutter a humiliated groan. There's a vibration where your phone is, and you know that the group chat has been notified of your predicament. 
“You eat? Take a shower?” Sukuna asks, mastering the art of making his concern dismissive. The silence on your end answers everything he needs to know, humming in acknowledgement. You’re a stubborn little shit who likes to suffer in isolation, he’ll give you that.
He synchs a basketball game to your TV, adamantly rotating between patting and rubbing your back until you’re snoring and curled up next to his lap.
When you wake up, you’re still cold, still sweating off your fever. You peers towards the bed, noticing the empty spot but the basketball game still softly playing on the screen. For a moment, you let your head slump back into the mattress before you force yourself out of bed to pee.
The weight in your body is too overwhelming to be horrified by your appearance when you emerge to make your way into a shared bathroom with your roommate. They’re all gone for work, and you don’t have the wit to ask where Sukuna got the time off to come fuck you in the middle of the day. Or why he was looking at your location. 
“I forgot how much of a bitchy face you have.” He comments, voice a note softer than you would usually hear, as you pad towards the bathroom. You grumble a quiet fuck you, slinking towards the bathroom.
You fix your hair to the best of your ability- standing up too long made you throw up. Your abdomen feels like it’s gone to three HIT classes in a row, hardly having any reserves to help you stand and brush your teeth. So you do it knelt over the bathtub, making sure to lock the door to make sure that stupid person of interest doesn’t see you so weak.
Rinsing your mouth out knelt over a tub is a new low, spitting the globs of toothpaste and water into the drain before you turn it off and brace the sides of the tub to stand and wander back out into the kitchen. Your bones feel like brittle, a bowling ball in your stomach forcing your posture to look horrifyingly old. It's been two days but you've aged thirty years. 
“Hi.” You greet weakly, rubbing your eyes before putting your arms back down as swiftly as you can. When was the last time you shaved?
Sukuna nods back, digging through a plastic bag. It’s only a few seconds before you’re sitting on the floor. The tile makes you twitch, and you wonder how you’re going to get up without looking like a hobbling mess. Maybe you’ll just crawl.
Soup and some electrolyte drinks are set out on the counter- along with your favorite candy. For a moment, your brows furrow, and then your lip wobbles in realization.
“Did you get that for me?”
“Can’t fuck you if you’re all pitiful and disgusting.” Is all he says, but his lip twitches into a bewitching smirk as your eyes well with tears and you sniffle out a sweet thank you. "Of course you’d cry over stupid shit like this." He adds, shaking his head. 
His shoes click bluntly against the floor, and he peers down at you with that devastatingly handsome, horribly mean face.
“You could just go fuck another girl.” You murmur sappily, lip jutting into a pout. And it’s true, you know it. The two of you have established that. He throws it in your face, too, when you tell him you’re busy or you’re too sleepy. Or when you simply don’t want to deal with his attitude.
His laugh tickles your heart, staring at him with wide, watery eyes as he bends down and gathers you into his arms. You squirm, or try to, holding any pride and ego close to your chest like a rabid animal as you let out a faux uncomfortable noise. There’s a familiar tap to your ass that urges you to stop, and you sink into Sukuna’s terrifyingly comfortable embrace as he carries you back to your room. The two of you have hardly cuddled before, the absolute most being him begrudgingly letting you cling onto him after one particularly rough night- only to shove you off five minutes later, giving you a pat on the head as if to say good job, thanks for the head, before leaving.
So this is new, awkward, when your semi friend with semi benefits sets you down with the upmost genteel fashion and retreats back into the kitchen. He comes back with an armful of products moments later. Soup, your favorite cup filled with mystery get well liquid, a straw and a big spoon.
“I don’t like big spoons.”
“That’s too fuckin’ bad because that’s what I got- stop pouting like that, it's disgusting.”
Sukuna sets everything down and defiantly does not grab another spoon for you. You make a noise in the back of your throat when he reaches over and urges you to sit up with a silent look that you’re expected to figure out. He lets you maneuver a pillow behind your back, lets you curl a blanket around your body and change the TV back to Vampire Diaries- he does not let you feed yourself.
When you reach for the bowl of soup (your favorite- chicken and stars), he uses only a percentage of his strength to swat your hand away, giving you another demand to stop sulking like a little kid before he’s crawling (crawling!) across the bed. Bowl of soup and too big of spoon in hand, he sits across from and in front of your view from the show.
He leans forward in a sort of endearing way, brows furrowed in a certain concentration as he scoops the perfect spoonful of soup and stars, holding it to your mouth. And he watches when you open your mouth with furrowed brows, lips closing around the dipped metal so that nothing drips down your chin. The broth warms your mouth, your stomach in an instant, making your face relax and your back slump into the pillow that supports you.
There’s a prickle of humiliation on the apples of your cheeks, something Sukuna would likely make fun of if you weren’t half asleep by the time he finishes spoon feeding you. And yea, there was one singular instance of him swiping away fallen liquid away with his thumb. And yea, you’re going to remember that forever. And most definitely are you going to internalize this as something more between the two of you than just friends who fuck (friend being a huge overstatement).
“I don’t like you.” You find yourself murmuring as Sukuna thrusts your clunky, metal, pink water bottle in your face. Obediently, as you always are, you sip at the liquid, swallowing down any grimace as he stares right at you while you swallow.
“You’re not my favorite, either.” He grunts, picking the cup up as soon as you set it down and representing it to you with a face.
“I’m at least second to your video game console.” Your grumble with pursed lips, taking another measly sip. When Sukuna raises his brows, you take a few more.
“Third. Second is pot. And it’s a PS4- fucking nerd.”
The part of your stomach that isn’t cramping to shit flutters, your fever probably rises, and you smile to yourself as you take a big gulp of the electrolyte solution. You swallow before he says the softest atta girl and takes the cup to set it back down.
Sukuna helps you shuffle under three big blankets, gives you your phone and goes to wash the soup bowl. You text Satoru with sick enthusiasm, to which he reiterates it in your (other) group chat where everyone just starts sending silly fangirlish memes. Shoko isn’t phased, Suguru isn’t pleased, either. But there’s an icky smile on your face, the thought of when it’ll end and Sukuna will go back to, well, Sukuna, gnawing at the back of your throat.
But you’ll pretend for today, like you do everyday.
“Are you leaving?” You ask when he comes back into the room, question answered when the bed dips once more.
He grunts a no, to shut up and sleep as he synchs up another sports game. You don’t mind, turning your head so you’re facing him. His back rests against a pillow with a floral case, one of your weighted stuffed animals squished between the weight of his back and the metal bed frame.
You stare with lidded eyes and hot cheeks, tracing the musculature of his shoulders and the sharpness of his face in the same pattern you do after he’s done making you quiver and shake and cry. The plush of the blanket is a perfect excuse for the sheen of sweat on your face, your stomach still molten lava and convulsing.
But it’s just a little more than a dull ache with Sukuna here, bored face and all.
For a moment, before you fall asleep for a third time today, you feel his fingertips, hard and gruff and soft, brush against your cheek, your chapped lips. You’re too tired to hide or quip at him in the static-like fashion that makes him laugh.
You swear you see his lips twitch when you hum affectionately. There’s a text waiting for your friends, a mental scoreboard to update. Smile number two. Four days apart. From holding a sparkler and ogling at it like a child at Satoru’s New Year’s Eve party to laying in bed sick, purring like a cat as he pets you.
“Stop looking like you’re going to die.” He all but requests, covering your face with a sliver of the blanket and looking back at the game. Grabbing the remote, he turns the volume up a few more notches to ignore your itty bitty, very sleepy laugh.
Seconds away from sleep, Sukuna uncovers it- you. His lingering gaze tingles your nose, all the way down to the tips of your toes. Your infatuation with him might as well be the cure to cancer from the faintest spark of energy it gave you.
He’s not there when you wake up. It could have been a fever dream for all you know if it wasn’t for the refilled hydro flask and oddly neat note scribbled for you to ‘drink the fuck up’ on one of your Sanrio sticky notes. There's a brief look of horror on your face knowing that he looked through your drawers to find one. 
You drink it all and take a gruesome looking picture, sending it to him with a silly caption- your way of saying thank you. Sukuna doesn’t respond, but the read receipts are on. And he doesn’t talk to you for awhile, as if he curates the perfect way to make you stay by letting the bubbling like for him simmer into nothing, only for it to come back in full force when asks if you’re awake three Thursdays later.He asks if he can still use the key you gave him to come by after the gym to shower because his little brother and friends are over and he doesn’t want to hear them blubber while they figure out their alcohol tolerance (or lack thereof).
A pearly, well built increment of yourself hopes it’s so he’ll check up on you, too, after he slinks into your room and fucks you just the way he likes- because he knows you like it, too.
And you say yes, like you always do. Tell him about this new body wash you got that he can use, that you just so happened to get his favorite drink from the store he get his protein powder and supplements from when you went grocery shopping.
you don’t even like that store lmfao
found a new prebiotic there! Saw it on Pintrest
sure
Sukuna is not immune to exploiting your obvious cartwheels to please him. He’ll never say thank you, and you won’t ever ask him to. You do it for all your friends, you tell him. Shoko’s toothbrush brand is in your bathroom cabinet when she sleeps over. Satoru’s moisturizer and favorite tooth-rotting snacks. Suguru’s blanket because he gets cold at movie nights. But Sukuna knows he could have whatever he asked for within the hour.
He’ll never address that he took care of you when you were sick. Both times. Or that there's a packet of your favorite gum in the console of his car. And he'd rather be dead than you, shit, anyone, find out that there's a hidden album of little you's in his phone. 
i’m just a good friend  *ੈ♡⸝⸝🪐༘⋆
we’re not friends.
It doesn’t hurt your feelings. Because you know he’s emotionally constipated, that no one’s ever really cared. Except Yuji, but little brothers always care. That whatever affection and consideration thrown his way will be burnt to a crisp, that he’ll only ever look at you like you hung the stars when no one’s looking, or only think about you at night when the weed isn’t helping him sleep. 
uh huh, we sure aren’t. see you later! make sure to stretch before you lift!!
stop texting me, it's fucking up my music
₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚🎧⊹♡
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coneyislandbabey · 1 year
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masterlist -> coneyislandbabey
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EVERYTHING UNDER THE CUT ! I'll do my best to keep this up to date lol
EDDIE ROUNDTREE !
going to california. : you move to Los Angeles, and are surprised to run into an old childhood friend. [3.3k] well, my boyfriend's in a band.: nobody thinks the thing between you and Eddie can be as pure and real as you say it is. [1.3k] butterflies and zebras (and moonbeams and fairy tales).: You and Eddie have a daughter. The first weeks of her life growing up in the house with you both and the band. [3.1k] Beast of Burden series: the push and pull between you and Eddie Roundtree was never-ending. No matter how hard you tried to push him away, you always came back together. -> (i'll never be) your beast of burden.: part one. Pittsburgh, 1967. [2.6k] -> my back is broad, but it's a-hurtin'.: part two. Pittsburgh, 1969. [2.1k] -> you keep on tellin' me i ain't your kinda man. : part three. Baltimore, 1970. [2.8k] -> i don't need no beast of burden. : part four. On the road, 1971. [3.8k] -> (put me out, put me out) put me out of misery.: part five. Los Angeles, 1973. [1.7k] -> all your sickness, i can suck it up.: part six. Los Angeles, 1974. [1.5k]
GRAHAM DUNNE !
testing his patience. : Graham finds his voice defending you after Billy takes his anger out on you during a recording session. [2.2k] the boys are back in town.: The Six are back in Pittsburgh during the Numbers tour, and Graham runs into his high school crush. [6.8k] i only have eyes for you.: You bit Graham at preschool when you were three years old. The rest, they say, is history. [3.5k]
WARREN ROJAS !
crossed wires.: a night of complicated feelings and jealousy lead to a revelation between you and Warren. [1.5k] she's got a strange magic.: Warren is usually cool and confident, but there's something about you that makes him completely nervous. He's desperate to ask you out, and he's desperate to get it right. [1.3k] i'd have you anytime.: You don't expect something to bloom between you and the drummer of your brothers' band, and when it does, the two of you try (and fail) to keep it a secret. [5.1k] she's a rainbow.: Warren's got it bad for Camila's childhood best friend. [2k] still raining, still dreaming.: It's a rare day off, and you and Warren spend it being lazy together in bed. [1.3k] so hot you're hurting my feelings.: your seemingly innocuous wardrobe choice makes Warren lose his mind. [1.7k] time to play b-sides.: you and warren pick up the pieces after the band falls apart. [1.1k] Mariposaverse fics: (these are not listed or written in any particular chronological order and can be read in any way after the first one) i'm with you.: You and Warren are friends with benefits. And then you find out you're pregnant. [3k] my mariposa. : a little domestic snapshot of you and Warren as new parents. [1.3k] butterfly wings.: It's your and Warren's daughter, Mariposa's first halloween. [1.1k] light of the love that i found.: Yours and Warren's wedding. [2.3k] the pick-me-up.: Life has been wearing you and Warren down lately, but Mariposa saying her first word really brings up your spirits. [1.1k] don't cry my sweet, don't break my heart.: Warren being a good dad and having a little crisis about his little girl growing up. [1.5k] Camp Wawayanda Lake: summer camp au. prank war and men super short shorts. What else do you need? -> prologue; bug spray and bonfires and booze.: You arrive at camp and reunite with old friends. There’s a drunken bonfire, and Warren is suddenly, distractingly beautiful. [2k] -> one; a study in lake water and forest princesses.:  It’s the first day of camp and Billy does something stupid that sets Daisy on a summer-long path toward revenge. [3.6k]
KAREN SIRKO !
high by the beach. : The feelings that grow between you and Karen Sirko seem to be the easiest thing in the world. [2k] with a girl like you.: You first cross paths with Karen Sirko when your band is recording your first album. After the fact, you can't get her out of your head; turns out, Karen's been feeling the same way. [1.5k]
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moonswolfie · 6 months
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Could we get Bokuto and 19? 🥺🥺🥺
Bokuto x gn!reader
But ofc!! Idk if u knew this nonnie but bokuto is my favourite boyo💕💕 i'm always happy to write about him🥰🥰
Time to prove to him that even his faults can be loved😤
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His teammates often tell him that he's too loud, childish and irresponsible. He always feels compelled to deny it, but his teachers say the same thing. Even his parents scold him for that sometimes.
So then it must be true, no matter how much he defends himself.
In volleyball, being too loud isn't much of a problem and even excites the crowd a lot, but something like math class is a different story.
"Honey, you're too childish and irresponsible for a relationship." His mom hummed from behind the kitchen counter when hearing Bokuto whine to himself about still being single. All she got in reply was a sad groan.
Do these parts of him make him that horrible? He already had a bad day at practice today and then the boys basketball club leader decided to taunt him about still being single. Being reminded of his "bad traits" wasn't helping in the slightest.
He slowly got up, going into his room to sulk.
"I think that was too harsh, darling. You know how he is, he'll take your words to heart." His dad worriedly glanced at his mom while chopping the vegetables.
"You're right, I should have phrased that better..."
.
So he found it quite surprising when one day you, one of his classmates, approached him out of nowhere during a break.
"Hey, ummm, I'm in your class, but we don't know eachother very well." You started, fiddling with your fingers. It took a lot of convincing from your friends to even get you here, but there's no way back now.
"OOOH! I remember you!! You sit in the second row!!" He had no idea what you wanted, but it was always nice to talk to someone new.
"So, I'd like to get to know you better..." you looked into his eyes with hope. From what little you did know about Bokuto, he was very outgoing and excitable. So hopefully this goes well.
His eyes widened. "Eh? I mean, yeah, sure!! Of course!!" His face quickly returned to his usual excited expression.
"So!! I'm the coolest ace of the coolest volleyball club in Japan!! But you probably already knew that..." he started. What a cute self-introduction.
"Yeah, I went to your matches before..." you really hoped that your blush wasn't showing too much at that moment.
"REALLY?!"
.
After that day, you made it a habit to talk to him. He got to know many things he would have never guessed about you and his smile grew every day as your initial shyness dissapeared.
He grew increasingly close to you, to the point even his teammates pointed it out. He never noticed how he acts "different" around you.
But now that he thinks about it, he keeps reminding himself to speak more quietly and watch his mouth around you. That's quite strange, since he prefers to be his unfiltered self and tries not to be bothered by what others say.
Then why is he being subconsciously careful only around you, a person who never voiced their discomfort for his loudness or irresponsibility?
"Honey, you're too childish and irresponsible for a relationship."
No way.
Those words replayed in his head over and over. There's no way he's actually in love with you, right? You're just so amazing and beautiful and- UGH!
But if what everyone around him says is right, then that means he has zero chances with you, right? Ohhh, this is making him feel all sorts of sick...
Maybe google can fix this.
"Hey, bro. Come to dinne- What are you doing?" his sister's reaction shifted to one of worry when she found him laying on the bed, staring at the volleyball in his hands with a strangely solemn expression. Googling "how to get rid of your crush" did nothing for him since he doesn't want to distance himself from you.
"...Nothing."
"Are you having one of those mood swings again?" his sister sighed. "Come on, just come eat." she pulled him off the bed and he silently joined her for dinner. His family didn't question him all that much, already being used to his often times unstable mood.
Besides, they figured he needed space. Usually, a little "you're awesome" would work well in brightening his mood but instead of cheering up as he usually does he just hummed sadly, contuinuing to shovel at his food.
He himself hadn't expected those feelings to hit him like a truck. First love was supposed to be a cute, sweet, uplifting feeling...
.
"Hey, umm, Koutaro, I have to tell you something... Can you come with?" you asked one day out of the blue. The two of you were already on a first name basis, surprisingly you really clicked with him. Which made his little crush all the more bothersome.
He kept stuttering over his sentences when you smiled at him so sweetly, his heart swelling at the little things you remembered about him.
If only he wasn't so annoying and childish...
"I- Uh, sure!" he let you lead him off to a more private area, wondering what awaits him. You sounded nervous, like back when you first asked to get to know him. This could only mean something bad, right?! Or is he just overthinking it?
Since when does he do that, anyways?
"So... I kind of have a crush on you..." you looked down, too afraid to meet his eyes, missing the way his eyebrows raised and eyes blew wide.
"YOU LIKE ME?! You really like... me?" he almost couldn't believe his ears.
"Uhh, yeah.. I do." you yourself were a little surprised at his response. You thought for sure that Bokuto would just get really hyped and accept. Well, if he liked you too in the first place.
"Even though I'm loud? And childish? And irresponsible?" he asked in quick succession. What? How would those characteristics of his affect your feelings for him?
"Of course? I like you, even the less favourable parts." you smile at him happily. You think you know why he brought that up now. Judging by the amount of times the teachers scold him for those very things, he must think they're an annoyance and a hinderance to you.
You misjudged him, it seems. He lets things get to him more than you thought. Not that that's an issue at all.
"Ohhh, this might be my second favourite feeling in the world..." he said, relief evident in his tone as he hugged you tightly.
"Only second favourite?" you questioned, hugging him back.
"The first one will always belong to the feeling of a successful spike, of course!!" he squeezed you so hard you thought your bones might break.
"S-So, is that a-"
"Yes, yes!! A million times yes!! I'll be your boyfriend, your husband, your f- ANYTHING!"
oops i accidentally made it mutual pining and WAY too long bo bo tends to have that effect on me🌚
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evilwickedme · 8 months
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When I was in twelvth grade my school brought in a trans man to talk about his experience and I wanted him to know so bad that I had changed my name and that I accepted him and I was weirdly jealous in a way I did not understand bc I was perfectly happy being a teenage girl, right? In eleventh grade I decided I wouldn't shave my legs for a year because I was sick of beauty standards and then my dad time me I was hairier than him so obviously there was something wrong and when I got diagnosed with pcos my parents dragged me to laser hair removal, and then reminded me I needed to keep going every few months. I kept going, even though I hated it. I miss my leg hair. When I was 15 I changed my name. When I was 18 I shaved my all the hair on my head off even though I'd always loved my curls because they were too damaged to deal with anymore, and when a haredi man approached me to ask me if I wanted to put on tefillin, mistaking me for a boy, I spent the rest of the week strangely giddy and entirely unable to take it out of my mind, even though he'd immediately taken it back. I used to say before I came out as bi that I was an ally and didn't want to speak over queer voices, and I said the same thing about trans people, but I kept feeling like I had some much to say, like this mattered in ways I couldn't put into words. I've wanted a hysterectomy for years, and was devastated to learn it's incredibly unlikely that a doctor would agree to perform the procedure, since I was a young woman.
I thought, again and again, about that man. He thought he was a lesbian for the longest time. He used to avoid gendering himself, even in an incredibly gendered language, had gotten so used to it it came naturally. His partner considered herself a lesbian, except for him. I didn't know how to feel about that. What does it mean to keep your identity static when the people you love change around you. Is it easy to accept?
I changed my pronouns to she/they, then they/them, then in Hebrew I said please pick either she/her or he/him but stick to one or the other, then I said stick with he/him in Hebrew, then I switched to they/he. I said I was a demigirl, then I said I was nonbinary but didn't feel comfortable being called trans, then I started applying the trans umbrella to myself, then I said was transmasc. Around me so many of my friends were transitioning, mtf, ftm, exploring using gender neutral pronouns before settling back on their agab, exploring gender neutral pronouns and stopping there. A friend of mine told me that they were jealous of me because I was so sure of my identity as a person in their early twenties, while they were thirty and only just discovering themself. Did I know my identity? I wasn't sure. Another friend told me, they're currently nonbinary but they could see a future where they detransition. I cannot understand why my mtf friend was so sure she's a girl, when I didn't know, I had no clue, I didn't know where to go from here.
I thought of that man again.
I wanted to take my tits off and put them back on again and take them off again, just to see how it felt. I bought a binder, I told my parents it's just to fit into my button up shirts. I hadn't worn a dress or a skirt since the year after I graduated high school. I stopped wearing bras. I wore a button up shirt and a blazer whenever I could. I tried to find myself in the performance of gender.
I changed my named when I was just about to turn to fifteen, and a teacher followed me from middle school to high school, and she asked me if I was still going by that, cause she wasn't sure if I'd meant it, if it would've stuck. It stuck for ten years, even as I asked myself, is this really what I want? Is this my name? Would it be okay if I changed my name again, is it allowed? I told everyone who'd listen it's okay to changed your name for any reason, at any time.
I don't remember that man's name. I don't remember most of his story. I remember picturing him walking around, remember wishing I could pretend I wasn't a girl just for an evening. I wanted...
Well.
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