#like its a gift to get to read fanfiction at all

[im-the-queen-of-stardust]

We all know the pain of being in small fandoms where you sometimes quite literally read every single fic available with your favourite character. But no one talks about the struggle of the big fandom with loads of fics but you don't like how a huge part of them portray the character and the relationships. Because you sift through pages upon pages trying to find one of the fic writers that have at least a similar opinion about the characters to yours. And it's impossible to filter! Maybe a bit easier if you're looking for something specific but if you're just looking for anything how do you exclude dodgy characterisation?!

#this can be about any fandom #but its actually about doctor who #specifically tenrose #like the biggest ship and its so hard for me to find fics that i like #they either sexualise their relationship too much #or make it to angsty and unrequited #because look at them in season two! #both of them know that the other loves them #more or less i mean of course there's uncertainty #but not that much #im sorry dont mind me im just ranting #like its a gift to get to read fanfiction at all #i love the whole system fandom is great #but the struggle is still real #or maybe this is just a me problem #doctor who #tenrose #ao3 #maybe i should actually try looking for fics on fanfiction.net #but the filter system is atrocious...

[lizzobetumblin]

Melissa hated her feelings. 

She buried them in a chest in the 5th grade (along with her ability to express them). Other peoples' feelings on the other hand was her forte. She could process, decipher and regurgitate other peoples emotions effortlessly. This gift could’ve taken her through college, all the way to a degree in psychology. Distinguished Dr. Jefferson with a PhD and a cozy office and impressive roster of high-profile, weallthy clients was a shiny idea. Fate would have a different hand for Melissa her talents were exhausted on mediating family fights, friend group drama, and charming her way out of confronting her own feelings. 

“Feelings.” Even saying it out loud to herself seemed silly. Something reserved for ‘cry babies’ and water signs. Typical Sunday nights started tame, reading or writing fan-fiction and drinking cranapple juice. And then like clock work her father would yell her name, 

‘MELISSA!!!’ Emotionless, she’d get up dust off her Winnie the Pooh shorts and make her way downstairs. On the long walk down the hall to the stairs leading to the living room brawl, she’d go through her check list: 

1.) Don’t cry.   

 2.) Stay neutral; Deescalate

3.)Don’t take anything personal. This isn’t about you

She padded down the carpeted stairs in her old soft socks to see her mother tightlipped and tear streaked thinking, 

‘she broke rule number 1’. Her father, Michael was proud and angry, his big belly filled with self righteousness. She knew he would be unyielding in his resolve and at this point her only option was to deescalate.

 ‘Rule number 2’. Then her sister the water sign and calamity for the evening sat on the floor nearly fetal, face red and raw with emotion. 

‘Its not your fault’ Melissa wanted to say ‘You just didn’t follow the rules… you’re loved.’ But she couldn’t say that because she’d be breaking rule number 3. It wasn’t about how Melissa felt. Even though she felt like screaming,

“VANESSA, YOU DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG. DAD—YOU JUST HAVE PENT UP ANGER BECAUSE YOU GREW UP IN THE HOOD OF DETROIT AS A BLACK MAN IN THE 60s AND 70s. YOU NEED A HEALTHY OUTLET LIKE.. I DONT KNOW… THERAPY?!?!?! THIS IS A WASTE OF ALL OF OUR TIME. I LITERALLY JUST WROTE THE BEST SAILOR SATURN x CHIBI USA FANFICTION EVER AND THIS IS KILLING MY VIBE!”

Instead, she decide to hear every one out. She decided to help. To calm her dragon of a father down. To be a translator for her emotional sister. To not take it personal. To stay neutral. To not cry. 

9 years later, at her fathers funeral she still never broke the rules. She played her flute and spoke at his memorial. She was present for her mother because it wasn’t about her. When other peoples' emotions bubbled up she stayed neutral. She sat through both services and she did not cry. It wasn’t until she excused herself to make a phone call outside did she collapse onto the stairs of the funeral home and weep alone in the cold Detroit snow. 

It’s okay to break the rules sometimes, she reminded herself. As long as no one else sees it.

Traumas began to compact on Melissa, as they do. Humans tend to collect traumas like pebbles on a long hike. We toss them into our backpacks and keep moving forward. Some hikers would falter, but Melissa was built for this. She’d carried the stones of her family’s traumas uphill for years. She was strong. 

When men began to befriend and reject her, saying ‘you’re too good for me’ but not too good to make them feel good. She carried that. 

When childhood friends began to cut off the strings of her heart, saying ‘We can’t be friends anymore’. She carried that.

When her family separated like dandelion seeds, it seemed like they’d never be together again. Melissa slept on so many couches, floors and car seats sometimes she didn’t know if she’d see them again. 

She carried that. 

Dying was never an option though sometimes she didn’t mind the thought of it. Peace and warmth were two things she’d desperately yearned and hadn’t felt fully since the womb. Then one night in the pitch black of the hot, sweaty, roach-infested studio in southeast Houston she slept in she wondered:

‘Why can’t I break the rules?’ She’d seen everyone else in her life break them like popsicle sticks. And she didn’t just want to break the rules, she wanted to break them boldly and loudly and annoyingly and honestly and sloppily like every one else gets to do. It was in that moment, tucked in a thin jacket inside of an 8-foot high instrument cubby in the inky darkness—it hit her. 

‘Is my suffering for a high purpose? Or is my suffering trying to kill me?’ 

She cried. 

She escalated. 

She took it personal. 

But it wasn’t enough. She wanted to scream in a microphone in a sea of shadowy faces. She drank whiskey and wove her pain into rock music. 

‘Music is my boyfriend’ she declared. The only man that kept his baggage to hisself. And it healed her. It gave her voice reason and purpose. 

The pebble-laden hike became lighter with time. The incline eventually evened out to flat, beautiful landscapes where the breeze finally met her back. She knew it wasn’t gonna be easy or sunshine but even the rain cleansed her and it was beautiful too. 

Somewhere in the rain she decided rules were meant to be built and broken. Like trust and love and friendships and families. Because every thing deserves the opportunity to change and grow. 

So... She broke rule number 1 on stage while singing a beautiful song. Dr. Jefferson (PhD) screamed for her to stop but she didn’t listen and the tears flowed like rivers of emotion down her cheeks. 

Rule number 2 was broken when she grew older and saw the injustices of the world. Marching with hundreds in protest she realized not everything needs to be pacified. 

And one day when she finally fell in love, she broke rule number 3. No matter how much training she’d done she couldn't help but take every thing her lover said and did personal. But it was ok. Because in all her resistance she realized breaking rules was her power. 

Melissa began to fall for her feelings. Her feelings gave life purpose. They weren’t always logical, as feelings seldom are. They were sloppy and embarrassing and rude and so fucking uncomfortable. But they were hers. And they were real. And when she sat alone sipping wine, staring at the moon…They were the only ones still by her side. Ready to break the rules for her because they loved her. 

And she finally loved them back. 

[justadeadreaper]

TW: Hair pulling, DUBCON, Manipulation, Crying, Sadistic tendencies, "Experiments", Being a "pet", Hinting at further actions/NONCON, Past kidnapping, Kidnapped, Please tell me if anything that should be put as a warning was not, thanks.

Being the pet of Angel!König is not the worst fate you could have found yourself in. On one hand, you were guaranteed a spot in Heaven for the rest of eternity, which was a fate that most people dream of, while on the other hand, it meant you were never able to see your friends or family again unless they somehow made the criteria to make it into Heaven but knowing them you thought it to be impossible.

He is nice, well, as nice as he can be for an Angel who keeps you as a pet.

The Common Angels that cared for you when he was busy were the ones to gossip, and they gossiped loudly. You knew the jist of why you were there even if you did not have all the details. Apparently, most of the First Heirarchy Angels, such as Seraphim and Cherubim, tended to have a fascination with humans even if they were to never to act on it like previous ones, such as Lucifer had done. And this included Angel!König, who was the most fascinated by humans out of them all; you did not know what he had gone, but he had done something which allowed him to be granted one gift by the Almighty, and unluckily Angel!König only had his eyes on one human out of all of the ones that resided on Earth.

That human just had to be you.

You had been stolen away in your sleep and dragged away to a palace. It was grand and incredibly vast. At one point, you thought it was larger than all of Earth as it seemed never-ending as you continued to walk through its many halls. It was made up of a collection of star matter, clouds, and gold to form its walls, ceilings, balconies, staircases, floors, shelves, and anything else you could think of. You could never get bored inside of it as every time you opened a door; it showed you a room that was filled with anything you wanted to entertain yourself. Most of the time, you found yourself reading in the library as not only were their books in there, but the fanfiction you also enjoyed reading had been formed into books, and many series that you had wished to have finished were fully finished even if it would have never been possible on Earth. Another point that made the palace a dream was how the kitchen was filled with food. Like how the bathroom and closets were filled with any clothes you wanted or skin care items needed, the cupboards, fridges, and freezers were all filled to the brim with all the foods in existence that never seemed to go rotten or end. You could make anything you wanted, but most days, you would just open the doors to the dining room to find a feast already prepared for you.

You did not think as to why a being like an Angel would have all of those things as they should not need them, but you tried not to think about it. You had learnt that it was better not to think of such things.

Overall, your life seemed great. You were trapped like a bird in a cage. No matter how appealing the cage was or how glamorous it was, you were still trapped, and there was nothing you could do about it. The only thing you could do was accept your new luxurious life, as there was no point in fighting back.

In return, all you had to do was appease your new master, which was not too hard. Angel!König did not ask for much when he was around you after doing the duties he was appointed to do. For his size, he was surprisingly gentle; he never tried to harm you, at least not on purpose or if he was not doing one of his experiments. He had a few simple rules that you had to follow.

One: No asking questions, but if you have to, not too many.

This rule was only implemented due to how you kept pissing him off by asking him too many questions and screaming at him for what he had done. He banned you from asking questions after that point unless it was necessary due to you being an utterly clueless human in Heaven.

Two: Always listen to him.

Not too hard as most of what he told you to do were simple commands, but when he did start ranting to you and telling you everything about the things he found interesting, which mainly was just about killing Demons.

Three: Always do what he wants you to do.

It was the one rule you hated the most, but he somehow always guilted you into complying by saying how he was just curious and wanted to learn as he had never met a human before.

Four: Be nice and compliant.

You wanted to fight back, and at times, you tried to, but you packed that in once he had brought a Demon back to show you and told you what terrible things they would do to a human like you. You also learnt the valuable lesson of not trying to test him that day when you saw how easily he crushed that Demon’s skull in his hand.

Five: Never try to escape.

Probably the easiest rule to follow as it was impossible to escape the damn palace anyway.

The rules most of the time were not a problem. It was his experiments that were your biggest problem. They were not even real experiments, it was just his excuse to be able to do what he wanted with you.

It started off small, nothing much really. All he asked was that he could play with your hair, he said that he enjoyed playing with it as the texture was so different from Angel hair and the material that made up their wings. It was simple, just him holding a clump of hair in his hand as he seemed to study it. He even enjoyed styling your hair and helping you through your care routine for it. But, it progressed. After a while, he began to tug and pull at it, you would cry and ask why but all he would say was that he wanted to see what would happen when he did it. That was when you learned about his sadistic side as he never stopped pulling your hair, he just loved to see you cry.

From your hair, it turned into touches. He would fondle and squish at your body as he made demeaning comments about how soft and delicate mortals were compared to Angels like him. It made you feel pathetic but at the same time, it was relaxing. The heat in his palms would radiate into your muscles, helping them to relax, getting rid of all the knots that tended to plague you. He made you melt into his arms, making you complacent putty in his hands. But those touches moved to more intimate areas. It started with him toying with your nipples, pulling at the delicate flesh until you choked on tears. Then soon enough his hand went lower finding your most sensitive part. He would rub it, the callouses on the tips of his fingers made the feeling somewhat odd but it felt all the better. He would rub, flick, pull, anything he could at it until you were a crying, overstimulated mess who could barely say your own name as the sheets were covered with your own cum; he would stare at you with glossed-out eyes, deep in thought like this was all new to him.

Unfortunately, you did not know that soon he would take it further then you could have guessed. It would be an actual experiment. One to make the perfect hybrid.

Taglist: @frogchiro @diejager @suimon @konigsblog

I am so sorry for not posting in a while I have just been busy with a big project that has taken over my brain and is my main focus, plus I have had exams. Hopefully, I can post soon and start posting the project, warning some of you may be emotionally devastated or want to kill a certain character (*cough cough* like two of my friends who already are waiting in line to have a little "talk", you know who you are *cough cough*). I may come back and edit this later.

#angel!cod au #angel #cod #call of duty #könig call of duty #konig cod #könig cod #konig #könig #angel!könig #angel könig #konig x reader #könig x reader #tw: dubcon #tw: dubious consent #tw: hair pulling #tw: manipulation #tw: owner and pet #tw: crying #tw: kidnapped #konig call of duty #konig smut #cod konig #könig smut

[diorsbrando]

I’D DIE FOR YOU (AND I HAVE). ( s.a. )

sousuke aizen & black!fem!reader.

cw ━━ ! minors, blank and ageless blogs DO NOT INTERACT. reader is portrayed as a black woman but you do not have to imagine her that way. using this map of the seireitei as a reference (i searched high and low for a consistent accurate one but it was hard). the first half is set pre-ryoka invasion / pre-soul society arc. the second half is aizen-centric (from his pov told from the 3rd person) and set post-tybw arc, years after he was sealed away in mugen, also including mention of events from vol. 1 of can't fear your own world (a light novel that's post-tybw & can be considered canonical); so all this being said: SPOILERS i guess???? of course you're welcome to read if you don't care about spoilers! somewhat based on 'die for you' by the weeknd & even more loosely based on 'dark red' by steve lacy. contains themes of heavy-ish angst, existential crises (?) & inner emotional turmoil within reader + aizen (separately). descriptions of character death, blood and violence. descriptions of manipulation/mind games. aizen is an unkind man. proofread (i did my best).

word count ━━ 11k

notes ━━ ! the way this fic was supposed to finished a month ago...but life once more gets in my way. and the way that it's this long....i anticipated the max being 10k but i greatly underestimated how long it would take to flesh out my idea. anywho i'm somewhat reentering my bleach era again. i’m not sure what it is but character analyses in the form of fanfiction is my jam rn like i really enjoyed writing this (i got tired of the length by like... 7k words lmao) but i like how this turned out. i've watched & read quite a bit of content that provide explanations as to why aizen is the way he is so i wanted to try my own portrayal of that in the context of canonical events. how i characterized him here is partially inspired by a fic i read about him last year so shout out to them for their support :D i hope i've depicted and humanized aizen well ♡. reblogs + commentary are heavily appreciated!!!!!

THE PAD OF YOUR THUMB SLOWLY glided against your bottom lip, the lingering aftertaste of jasmine tea still on its surface and on your breath. The absentminded motion of your thumb caressing your mouth, as if in deep contemplation, continued as you stared at the clock hanging on the wall above you.

It was past eleven, and the midnight hour only continued to draw near as time sustained its temporal march. And there you sat at your desk, floating in the limbo of your mind that was filled with hesitancy and admittedly, budding anticipation.

Your gaze lowered to the now empty porcelain cup, nothing remaining of its contents except the shriveled remnants of herbs and a few wayward drops of the brew.

Your senior comrade, captain Sōsuke Aizen, was correct in his prediction that you'd take a liking to its floral and delicate taste when he gifted you a jar full of the jasmine tea leaves as well as other ingredients.

The captain of Squad 5 seemed to be correct about a lot of things.

His intelligence and foresight, along with his kind and politely witty disposition, were qualities that you found somewhat charming, and gradually drew you closer to him.

Being the current third seat of the 9th company, your barracks and those of squad 5's were relatively close to each other's, so often you'd catch glimpses of and run into Captain Aizen on a pretty normal basis. Over the years, the conversations that bounced between the two of you expanded past the realm of formalities between a higher and lower ranking officer, and instead ranged in territories from literature, to art, to food & drink, and even to the politics of the government for which they were soldiers for.

Sometimes, you found it hard to believe that you managed to befriend a man like him. A man who seems to have mastered the balance between being a gentle soul, helpful to others, but also possessed enough refined power and skills to be named a captain within the Gotei 13.

Especially a man who wasn’t even of your own squad.

Despite the increasingly friendly relations and generally pleasant conversation, there were few moments where Aizen's words didn't feel quite. . . . real━ he didn't feel real. He spoke eloquently, often relying on figurative language to further illustrate his point and to breathe meaning into seemingly plain and meaningless words. But at times those words, his tone felt stained; stained with some substance or color you couldn't quite place. An enigmatic façade was painted over his speech, and it took too much mental capacity to try and find your own meaning in it.

So you'd often brush it off. Your over-reliance on your own reasoning that 'you weren’t able to come to a conclusion because there is no problem a conclusion could be generated from' successfully quieted your mind’s voice. You'd also frequently blame exhaustion, or your newfound hobby of watching human psychological crime shows during your off days for these subconscious ideas you had.

But you feared that the request Aizen made of you yesterday, the source of your current predicament, couldn't be blamed on any of those things. You looked at the clock again before returning to stare at your empty tea cup. For what reason could Sōsuke Aizen wish to meet you outside of the 1st division barracks? Specifically at this hour? You immediately thought of his question as uncharacteristic of him but prevented yourself from jumping to any further conclusions.

Aizen was a reasonable man, and you were sure there was a reasonable explanation.

With a final sigh of acquiescence, you stood up from your sitting position to retie your yukata before slipping a thicker, dark colored haori on top. You were unsure how cold it was this late at night or how long you'd be out, but it was better to be safe than sorry.

You paused for a moment, glancing longingly at your vanity mirror a few times, clearly torn between a decision, before giving in with a soft groan. Grabbing your favorite perfume, you quickly spritzed the spray onto both your inner wrists, either sides of your neck, and stray areas on your clothes. You’d proceed to make sure your hair was in order and your lips were as moisturized and glossy as a pair of tear-filled eyes before making your way to the door and slipping on your sandals.

Meeting with a captain— with Aizen of all people— in the dead of night resembled too closely to forbidden lovers rendezvousing under a fruit tree to fulfill their desires of embracing one another, with no one but the moon as their witness. The comparison alone caused the apples of your cheeks to burst aflame with embarrassment, and you lightly chastised yourself for even indulging in such an inappropriate train of thought. Such a scenario seemed far too deluded to even be considered ‘wishful thinking’.

But those delusions still seemed to make more sense than whatever other conclusion you have yet to reach.

Making your way out of your personal quarters, you activated your shunpo technique, stealthily hopping from one rooftop to the other in an effort to make it to Squad 1 barracks quicker.

After several minutes, your mind mostly engulfed with the 'what if's', the soles of your sandals finally touched ground, and you stood a few feet away from the massive walls and bridges that connected to and from the barracks. Even at night you were able to make out the bold-printed kanji for the number 1 that was painted on the building.

When you arrived, even from a nearby rooftop, you didn't see anyone around. Feelings of confusion and worry began to creep up and flicker to life in your mind.

But, as if your thoughts were as audible, you felt a light breeze of wind behind you, a familiar sound that indicated someone had made their presence known.

Startled, you reflexively reached for your zanpakuto, when you remembered that you hadn't even brought it with you. It still laid against the wall near your bed, just where you placed it earlier when you were relieved of your duties for the day.

You didn't think you needed it necessarily if you were just going to meet with Aizen, hence why taking it with you slipped your mind.

The flickers of concern were swiftly extinguished as your brain caught up with your body upon realizing who just appeared. A relieved sigh left your lips, a breath of air that seemed to release all the tension that had a grip on your heart and wound tight within your muscles. "Ah! Good evening Captain Aizen. You caught me off guard for a moment there."

"My apologies, that was not at all my intention." The Fifth Division Captain sported a dark colored scarf, his long captain's coat and the standard shihakushō all Gotei officers were supposed to wear. In the sash around his waist resided his own sheathed zanpakuto. His tawny hair maintained its usual part but looked slightly tousled, yet still remaining so in a meticulous fashion that made it look intentional.

The state of his hair alone, and his current facial expression made Aizen look more . . . approachable if that’s how you were to describe it. There was a glint in his eyes that you had seldom seen before.

"Thank you, for making your way down here to accommodate my rather. . . . atypical request. I again extend my apologies if I have inconvenienced you in any way."

You shook your head in reply, "It's alright, I wasn't doing anything too important anyway. Just having a cup of tea and delighting myself in a book before bed."

You glanced downwards at the foot or so of space that was wedged in between the two of you. You forced away the murmurs of your lingering thoughts that took note of how the moonlight and shadows danced across the surface of Aizen's face just right, and emphasized his decidedly handsome features.

"But having a complete and good night's rest is important to be fully functional in all areas of one's performance. Wouldn't you agree?"

You couldn't help but chuckle softly. "Yes, I do agree with that sentiment."

Aizen all but hummed in acknowledgement, letting a moment of silence fill the air before speaking again.

"Shall we be on our way?"

You nodded in agreement, following him as the both of you walked about the First Division grounds. From what you could tell based on your position, your aimless nightly stroll drew you closer to where Sokyoku Hill was located. The area became increasingly more grassy and contained less buildings.

Although Squad 1 grounds weren't terribly far from either of your barracks, you still weren't sure as to why Captain Aizen wished to meet out here. Initially you thought that perhaps he was just fond of this particular scenery, but really it could have been anything.

But still, you believed Aizen always had a purpose for everything he did.

After several moments, his warm voice replaced the evening silence, vocalizing your current thoughts. “I assume you are contemplating why it is I have asked you here, and I’m afraid the reason is quite benign. Truthfully, I just wished for your company. I often go on night walks to clear my head after a long day and thought I might invite you to join me this time, and have a conversation with each other."

Your brows shifted upwards, for that was not quite the answer you were expecting. It seemed too . . . simple. “Really? You just . . . wanted to talk with me? Plainly?”

The Squad 5 captain let out a short, soft laugh at the disbelief that was painted on your face. There was an expression of fondness present in his eyes and in the light smile he offered you. “Yes, exactly. I quite enjoy our discussions actually, they’re intellectually stimulating and relatively pleasant. You crossed my mind, and before yesterday, it has been quite some time since we’ve had the opportunity to unwind and talk.”

You hummed an mhmm in agreement, tearing your eyes away from Aizen’s side profile in favor of the hem of his captain’s haori, watching how it danced in the soft breeze. It seemed to be less distracting than the way Aizen peered down at you from time to time.

"I see. I am. . . . truly flattered by your words, Captain Aizen; you're too kind. Forgive me for asking but," you took longer strides so that you could fall into step next to him━ as if to speak to him more directly, "Why at this time? To talk with me, I mean. It couldn't wait until more . . . . . conventional hours?"

He chuckled again, and answered as smoothly as if he were awaiting you to ask him that. "Unfortunately, today's tasks ran a little long today, so I had to stay at my office later than usual." The spectacled man paused for a moment, before setting his soft gaze on you, "And besides, that completely defeats the purpose of inviting you on a night stroll, doesn't it?"

You ignored the heat flaring up in your cheeks again. Your mind refused to move past the fact that you had crossed Sōsuke Aizen's mind enough times━ or the times that he thought about you were significant enough━ and highly enough to invite you into his realm and indulge in these moments with him, when he very much could have done that alone.

A tender smile appeared on your lips, more towards yourself than the man next to you. "I. . . suppose it does."

The ashen-white moon only rose higher in the sky, providing an ambiance of tranquility as the both of you talked about whatever crossed the surface of your minds. Other times, the stillness of the night did the talking, and you'd listen to the leaves, and the wind, and the crickets sing together in harmony. Gradually as you walked and the beaten path grew more narrow, your figures drew closer together, until you could feel the long sleeves of his haori brush against your own.

You hadn't noticed that the two of you eventually stopped walking and paused under a tree until Aizen struck up conversation once more. When he called out your name in that gentle, velvety voice, you swore your heart was going to lurch out of your chest. The sound of your name rolled of his tongue so smoothly, the desire to hear it again grew within you.

"Uh━ yes, Captain Aizen?"

"Are you satisfied with way things are at the moment?"

You stood next to him, perplexed at his inquiry due to its vague nature. "Um, what. . . . things? I'm afraid I don't understand what you're asking."

The wind brushed Aizen's dark ochre tresses across his face as he took a step towards you, like the breeze itself was pushing him towards you. "Hm, perhaps I should be more clear then. Are you content with being a soul reaper? Are you satisfied with being a soldier for the Soul Society?"

With your brows slightly furrowed in thought, you remained silent for several seconds and overanalyzed his every word, trying to predict where he might be steering the conversation now. The longer you thought it over, the stronger that nagging feeling from within your soul became. The one that often told you what he was asking wasn't exactly . . . it didn't quite feel . . . . .

"This feels like a prelude to another insightful discussion on Shinigami━ and by extension━ Seiretei politics." Your words cut off your own thoughts, as if your mind was trying to sweep something under the proverbial rug.

Aizen huffed in amusement, before lightly shrugging, leaving your statement definitively unanswered.

You sighed as you seriously considered his question this time. "I mean sure, I guess. I'm somewhat satisfied with my job and all of . . . this," gesturing your hands in the air around you to emphasize your point. The 5th Division Captain made another humming noise, indicating that you still had his full attention. He inched a little closer into your personal space.

The mere action caused your next words to die in your throat and a quiet chuckle resounded from his, before your thoughts revived themselves again.

"Of course things could always be better but. . . . y'know. This is just how it is." You weren't quite sure if you should voice negative opinions about the Soul Society so plainly to a senior officer, even if he was the one who asked you in the first place, so you treaded lightly.

The same plainly relaxed smile from earlier remained painted across his lips, held in his chestnut irises was an emotion akin to affection. He seemed somewhat pleased that you were expressing your thoughts with him.

“And you? Are you satisfied, Captain Aizen?” You were unable to keep the teasing endearment out of your tone as you returned his gaze, casting aside the notions of Gotei officer seating and ranks for the moment. The air seemed like it shifted━ towards what, you weren't sure of━ but it kind of made you feel like you were adrift, floating in isolation from everything else around you.

It was still hard to process that you were alone with Captain Aizen right now. . . . at night.

A low hum reverberated within his chest, contemplative in nature as he replied, “Perhaps.”

The wind whistled lowly again, erecting goosebumps on whatever part of your skin happened to catch the midnight breeze. You fought the instinctual urge to twitch towards the nearest source of heat, which happened to be Aizen. Now that would be even more wholly inappropriate than the 'lovers meeting at midnight' scenario.

The silence between the both of you was brief, but comfortable nonetheless. Once more his mellifluous voice cut through the quiet, leveled and calm, like still ocean waters.

“Come. I want to show you something,” Aizen reached his arm out towards you, your spine as straight as if someone stuck a metal rod dipped in ice water down your robes.

The captain's movements seemed steady and slow━ it had felt like time itself had hesitated for several moments. You thought he was going to . . . . well you weren't sure what he was going to do, and that's what you made you nervous.

Was he going to touch you? Cradle your cheek? Remove a stray leaf that happened to land on your head? You were left somewhat dangling in anticipation, not daring to flinch backwards because you felt it would be disrespectful or offensive. You hadn't even blinked, subconsciously fearing that this was only a very vivid daydream.

But alas, when his arm drew near it extended past your head, slightly above you, and held a small branch in his palm it like a delicate flower. You released a breath you didn't know you were holding, but that breath drew short again when your gaze was eye level with his lower neck and chin.

He seemed . . . . closer.

“I think that regarding the condition of the Soul Society," Aizen began in a quiet voice, referencing his own reply to his earlier question, "and therefore my thoughts about it, is akin to this set of leaves on this branch."

Snapping out of whatever stupor you seemed to have slipped in, you exhaled softly before stepping back a bit to look at what he was talking about. In his palm he cradled a wayward branch that grew from one of the other sturdier branches of the tree. The green foliage of its arms had started to weaken and dull in color. The cold air due to the seasonal transition to autumn caused the leaves become brittle, nearing closer to the edge of death.

The sound of just how brittle they were resounded in the air when Aizen thumbed the leaves in between his fingertips, observing their texture with pity laced in his small movements.

"These leaves will fall off as it gets colder. And soon, the rest of this tree will be bare as well. When the time comes, when the right circumstances fall into place, the old die to make way and usher in the new; it's simply the way things are. I think of the Soul Society government is structured in a similar manner."

You hung onto his every word, like he were imparting crucial wisdom to you. Even though you were a bit confused on the last part, and on the connection between dying leaves and Soul Society, you still listened intently, waiting for him bridge the gap between the two.

"The Soul Society as it is now can be thought of as a season. And this particular season, this climate has remained so for several centuries. How can nature continue━ how can we continue to progress when the old have yet to be washed away by the currents of time? It defies that of nature, yes?" He directed this question at you specifically, in search of your agreement.

You nodded your head, tearing your gaze away from the branch and directed it at the grass beneath your feet. Your brows furrowed a little as you mused over Aizen's words. He gave a rather ambiguous answer before but now, his words sounded like vague displeasure and muted criticism. Everyone was entitled to their opinion, and on some fronts, you'd sometimes agreed with the 5th Division Captain. The Soul Society was far from perfect, too much emphasis on nobility and status, the government resembled too closely to an oligarchy . . . But you didn't━ wouldn't voice these thoughts, though.

Instead you hummed quietly under your breath. There was that tugging sensation again. This time it told you that there was something deeper to this conversation than meets the eye. But what could there be? Was there anything at all or were you just overthinking it?

The voice-like sensation in your soul was calling out to you, but you couldn't hear it that well or quite make out what it was saying. It's as if someone was calling out to you in a crowded room that had music playing on the speakers: you felt like if you listened hard enough you could make it out but ultimately, the result would fruitless.

"And when that happens," Aizen continued, "sometimes nature has to be gently nudged back on track to keep things moving smoothly. That may require . . . shaking the tree. Pulling a few harmful weeds from one's garden, so to speak."

"Weeds?" You echoed. You felt like you understood this analogy and therefore what he was trying to say, but at the same time you didn't. Or was it . . . . you didn't want to understand what he was implying?

Because if you were interpreting his words correctly, if he were inconspicuously comparing the higher-ups and the government itself to dying leaves and harmful plants that needed to be removed, then . . . .

"You, dear child, are a mere weed in this scenario."

Wait, what did he just━

Your thoughts were cut short when a gush of air that smelt strongly of Aizen━ warm oak, vanilla, and a kind of musk that you weren't sure how to describe but was still pleasant all the same━ brushed against your face and took you by surprise.

But there was another aroma that arose, steadily becoming more apparent alongside the increasingly painful throbbing feeling you felt in your abdomen.

It smelt metallic. And it was something that you've smelt all too many times before.

It was blood.

Your gaze that was initially narrowed in confusion lowered as it followed the source of this pain. Your eyes slowly widened in as you struggled to comprehend the blade that was currently ran through your torso.

Aizen's blade.

"Actually, instead of weeds, a more accurate and befitting analogy perhaps would be blades of grass. You unfortunately have to step on them in order to reach the weeds you want to remove."

You couldn't really focus on what the captain was saying, because your brain was still struggling to process what the hell just happened. Your hands slowly rose from their sides and shakily grazed the zanpakuto, wanting to believe that if you touched it, it would pass right through your fingers like mist. But no, the sensation of cold steel was as real as the robes you wore on your back. You only just now are processing the muffled squelching sound of his sword impaling your flesh.

You wanted to scream, to cry in pain, to vomit, to push him off━ something. But all you could do was stand there, stunned, words completely failing you. "Wh. . . . what? Why did . . . . you . . . . "

A cough replaced your attempt at a comprehensive sentence, and you tasted iron in your mouth.

Fuck....was this really happening?

"Please don't push yourself trying to talk," His voice was like an index finger to one's lips, similar to a parent's gentle caress to quiet and sooth their child, "You'll only hasten your death. And I'm sure you wish to know the reason for my killing you, yes? You'd have to be alive for that."

'Killing me?' 'My death?' The certainty that rang in his words chilled the blood in your veins, and they confirmed the one conclusion you hoped wouldn’t come true: that you were going to die.

The frigid embrace of fear and dread engulfed you from behind and you shivered, causing the blade snugly lodged in your organs to shift. The pain of that foreign object moving even a little bit shot through your entire body, causing a groan to emerge from your throat.

Desperate to conserve your energy and the oxygen that was becoming a little harder to take in, your breathing became uneven and a little wheezed. Even then, you couldn’t bring yourself to meet the gaze of Captain Aizen to confirm if this was really happening or just an extremely realistic and vivid nightmare. The sight you might be greeted with could be more frightening than the actual impaling of his sword.

As if his betrayal couldn’t actually or figuratively cut you any deeper, just then there was a noise that grew louder and louder within a matter of seconds until it was almost deafening. You’ve distinguished it to be the sound of glass crackling.

Your surroundings formed cracks everywhere on its surface, like it was just an oversized window. Even on the grass you stood on, or what you thought was grass, began to crumble away.

A dumbfounded but panicked look was plastered on your face when your world literally shattered around you, the only remnants of it being you and the Captain.

What was underneath the mirage━ or you should say, the fact that it was a mirage at all━ only disturbed you and increased your perplexity.

Slightly hunched over and breathing heavily, it took a minute to process where you were, but you noticed that now the two of you stood in a formal room that looked like it was used for important meetings. The lights in the room slowly started to brighten, most likely due to motion sensors. Even with Aizen's scent lingering in your nose, you could still pick out a rather stale aroma that hung in the air like dead fruit that hadn't fallen off the tree.

"Is . . . this Cen . . . tral━ "

"You are correct. Where we currently stand is the assembly hall for Central 46, the judicial power of the Soul Society. All judiciary as well as legislative trials and proceedings are held here."

All around the room were seats with partitions, the kanji for 1 through 46 printed on them. In the seat for the 19th member, your gaze caught onto something on the translucent barrier. It was a little farther up so you had to squint your already blurring vision to see it properly.

You saw, and your heart promptly sank as a result, eyes widening once more.

There were splatters of a dark colored substance on the partition━ undeniably blood. And the lithe, bony fingers of an older man laid lifeless, peeking out from the side of the screen like the appendages themselves were trying to escape from the body they were attached to.

That man . . . was dead. That stale aroma you smelt was the stench of death.

It was only after that unsettling epiphany did your eyes dart frantically around the room and realize that every member of Central 46 was dead.

The disturbed expression on your face only intensified as your stare was pulled back down to where Aizen's blade still resided in your body.

" Cap.....Aizen," you uttered, swift to correct yourself. All the moisture in your throat dried up like water underneath the unrelenting rays of the sun. You kept gulping your saliva in an attempt to assuage the sensation, but relief only last for a fleeting few seconds. "Did you ━ you killed them . . . didn't you?" Your question was laced with shaky hesitance and swelled with apprehension, fearing that you already knew his reply even before he answered.

There was a moment of silence and a hum before he replied. "Smart girl."

The muted mirthful tone in his voice sounded like sarcasm, and it was enough to finally draw your attention away from everything else and directly look at him. Almost instantly, you regretted it.

His umber tinted gaze was colder than you remembered. You couldn't find anything in his eyes that hinted that all of this was just a big misunderstanding, or a dream, or that Aizen had a secret sense dark and complex humor.

This was your first, and apparently your last time, that you have ever felt a fear such as this. Your mind was struggling to comprehend this was the same Aizen that spoke with you so gently, full of encouragement and wisdom. The same man that recommended you books to read and gifted you tea to drink and gazed upon you like . . .

Well, none of that mattered now. In this moment, Sōsuke Aizen wasn't the same man anymore. This Sōsuke Aizen was someone else, and it frightened you.

"When?" you croaked, your voice no longer sounding like your own. Nothing felt real anymore. "W-When did you . . . . . how? Why?"

Another noncommittal hum resounded from the spectacled man as he closed his eyes, feigning the action of thinking of an answer. When he reopened them, his narrow gaze returned to you.

"Everyone in the Thirteen Court Guard Squads was previously aware that the ability of my zanpakuto, Kyoka Suigetsu, allowed me to confuse the enemy using bodies of water, mist and even moisture in the air in order to attack. However, that is not my zanpakuto's actual power; there is more to it than just simple confusion. Kyoka Suigetsu's true power is Complete Hypnosis. Essentially, when someone looks at my blade, I am then able to take control of that person’s five senses, causing them to believe that something is real ━ or that something isn't real. In a way, once glancing at my unsheathed zanpakuto, that person forfeits their sense of existence to me. Kyoka Suigetsu is quite flawless in its deceptive abilities."

A heavy silence, aside from your uneven breaths, endured in the space between both of you. You didn't need him to spell out what he was trying to say.

It was all . . . . an illusion. A convoluted, premeditated illusion. And you walked right into it without even knowing or considering, that it was all fake.

The Fifth Division Captain inwardly smiled at the despair clearly written on your face as he watched you mentally put the pieces together. He took your lack of reply as a sign to continue. "The members of Central 46 have unfortunately been dead for quite some time now. And as for your question of why......"

The taller man stepped towards you which inadvertently (or purposely, you began to fear), drove his sword deeper into your abdomen without warning and slight force. You bit down on your bottom lip hard to stifle your exclamation of pain. In an attempt to somehow resist him, with the little strength you had left, your hands automatically took purchase in his oversized sleeves, but it did nothing. You found it ironic that you could feel how warm Aizen was underneath his robes, but his soul was anything but.

" . . . . I believe I already mentioned it earlier, yes? All flowers die eventually and the weeds......must be removed."

At that moment you remembered that tugging sensation that told you something felt off in some instances whenever you talked with Aizen. This must have been what it was. Damn it all. You still didn't understand exactly what bad things Central 46 and the Soul Society have done to cause his actions, but based on what you've been told and your current position, it must have been heinous. Again, you actively swallowed the urge to vomit.

"You . . . you lied. I can't believe━ how could it have all b-been a lie?" Another nasty cough rattled your body, followed by a shiver and a groan.

The brown-haired man slightly tilted his head, like he was truly confused. "Lied? Hmm, well. I suppose you could put it that way based on your limited knowledge of the circumstances, but I wouldn't put it that way. Besides, this isn't really about truth or lies. It is, and always has been, only about the reality of what is. And what is, is that you were unable to anticipate my deception. No one could, because it was outside the domain of your thoughts. What is, is that the current way the Soul Society operates is tainted, and I shall be the one to remedy it."

You drew another shuddering breath and looked down at the ground with a grim expression as your blood continued to pool at your feet. Briefly, you even considered unsheathing yourself from his blade and take the chance to make a run for it, but the chances of you making it to the outside world, let alone coming across someone before you bled out and died were slim. Besides, it was clear that you couldn't even trust your own senses anymore after Aizen demonstrated that he had complete control of your reality.

Which reminded you of something else.

" . . . when?" you asked the same question again, but much quieter than before, despair palpable in your voice. 'When and how did you subject me to your zanpakuto's Complete Hypnosis?', is what you were really asking. And being as intelligent as he was, the spectacled man understood.

Abruptly, with a large palm on the small of your back, Aizen used his gentle hold grip to pull you towards him in order to close the remaining distance, causing him to drive the remaining length of his zanpakuto all the way through until the tsuba of his blade rested against your stomach. You looked like a skewered piece of meat.

You didn't have the willpower to hold back the piercing shriek of agony and physical anguish as tears sprung forth from your eyes. You could no longer tell if your blurry vision was due to your tears obstructing your sight or if it was from being a step away from death's door.

"Do you remember . . . the first time we met?"

The hand that rested on your lower back slowly glided upwards until his fingers found your jaw. With a tenderness that reminded you of a time before his betrayal, he lifted your chin and guided your gaze to look at him directly. His thumb moved to graze your bottom lip just as you've done mere hours ago━ as if he knew that, as if he watched you do it. His thumb was dangerously close to slipping inside your mouth and that both excited and scared you. Your breasts against his, your breaths synchronized with his, your body and his were fully pressed against each other and it made focusing on his question more difficult.

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. The first time . . . we met? Sure, with a little bit of effort you could easily recall the first time you formally met Aizen. It was sometime in the spring, and you remembered him running through combat formations with his lieutenant and the rest of his squad. But why d━

A silent gasp left you. Another epiphany, another figurative blade piercing your heart.

Battle formations, and he . . . offered you to join them . . . his zanpakuto . . . . .

Confusion crumbled away, and was replaced with vacant horror and sadness. It seems you've already been defeated, for many, many years now.

Aizen seemed to murmur something under his breath, a pleased sound you couldn't quite decipher. His mouth brushed over yours, rendering you literally speechless, before he closed the distance and brought your lips together. You could barely process what was happening.

It was ironically tragic how soft and skillfully gentle his lips were against yours. The kiss felt longing, like a departure between two sweethearts and their last meeting together. It also felt heavy and final, making you want to cry.

And you did. Silent tears streamed from your eyes and rolled onto the fingers that still held your face so affectionately. The captain reacted by guiding your chin up a little further, dipping his head a little lower, so he could deepen the kiss. You weakly scorned yourself for thinking about how the two of you must really look like lovers now, sans the sword sticking out from your back.

Oh, how cruel this was; how cruel he was. It was cruel for him to kiss you like this, hand still splayed on your back like he needed to touch you stay sane. And how cruel it was that still managed to enjoy it, even as you stood there dying. Your lips moved together in tandem, slow and almost passionate, all while tears stained the apples of your cheeks, drying up the plush youth that once resided in them.

Aizen's tongue had slithered its way into your mouth, and you suddenly felt like crying harder. There was a tart, sweet flavor lingering on his tastebuds, and you absently wondered what is was. Perhaps hibiscus from tea, you surmised. And he too tasted the sweet jasmine and citrus that clung your tongue and lips. At this, he chuckled quietly into your mouth, humming before retracting from you by a few inches so he could speak.

"I knew you would like the tea. It's sweet and flavorful, isn't it?" You hated how low his voice was, how its timbre pleasurably vibrated and rumbled against your lips, and you hated that lidded stare he gave you. You again thought it unfair that you couldn't even revel in the rare sight of Aizen's lips slightly wet because your lips were intertwined with his.

"I have to thank you for humoring me and my recommendations. I really appreciated it. And I also," you winced loudly and cried out in affliction as Aizen finally began to withdraw the sword from your body, "must to bid you farewell now. It seems you don't have any more time left, and this has dragged on for longer than it needed. I'm not surprised you've held out for this long, as I already knew you possessed commendable strength. But alas it wasn't enough. I am sorry that you have to die; it's rather regrettable that you happened to be that blade of grass that ended up underneath my foot."

Another wail was yanked from your chest as he steadily removed his sword from your abdomen. The pain was becoming excruciating, you would have collapsed by now if the taller man weren't holding you.

You saw two things before the light in your eyes had all but faded away. The first were the colors of faux pity and apathy that swirled in Sōsuke Aizen's irises, spiraling like a storm that was certain to wreak havoc in its wake. His gaze was devoid of any regret or remorse; the final metaphorical nail on the coffin. The second was a small smile.

But this wasn't one of his smiles you were familiar with. No wait . . . . the one you knew was simply a veneer of what is.

This smile was slanted, the corners of his lips tilted upwards and was sharp. Sharp enough to cut open your already gaping wound further and completely tear you apart, spelling out your demise. It looked insidious as if it were hiding razor-edged fangs. This was what is; Aizen's real smile.

"I. . . I see. Aize. . . ." were the last words you were able to manage. You didn't have the strength to be upset or hurt any longer, so you gave in to the exhaustion.

Your body permanently relaxed, long lashes veiling your now empty eyes as your arms lifelessly dropped to your sides. The captain found a disturbing amount of pleasure in his name being the final word you attempted to speak before succumbing to the sleep of death.

And even after the fact, the facade of doomed, star-crossed lovers persisted as your body slumped backwards. Aizen's strong forearm wrapped tightly around your waist being the only reason you didn't fall to the ground in a puddle of your own blood.

That day was the last anyone saw of you, your zanpakuto still laid idly in your room, its spirit destined to forever wander in the afterlife between worlds alone, eventually fading from existence without ever feeling the presence of its master again.

They had declared you missing by the end of the next day. Lieutenant Hisagi was probably the most perturbed about your sudden disappearance. Days, weeks passed, and they never located you. The Gotei 13 was left unsettled by the lack of progress, but ultimately had to rule your case inconclusive. Some believed that you were simply killed by a stray hollow, or even ran away from your duties because of the stress.

The news of what happened spread like wildfire across all the squads, that a high-ranked officer just up and vanished without a trace. The spirits and morale of the thirteen companies dampened, sorrow and worry swelling like a festering boil.

And that boil burst when Ryoka infiltrated the Soul Society, and when it was revealed that all of it was carefully orchestrated by Sōsuke Aizen.

Like a blade of grass that somehow snuck into one's sandals or in between their toes, during his time in Hueco Mundo, images of you flashed in his head at unexpected times when his mind was quiet. He'd remove the grass, tossed you aside, and moved on with his day. There was no room for you in the grand scheme of things. Such reminisces were beneath someone like him.

And yet.

He'd always find another piece of grass from the greenery he stepped on whenever he advanced a step in his plans. There you were again.

It was common knowledge that if you kept repeating the same action over and over, it will eventually wear you down.

━━━━━━ 鏡  ━━━━━━━

It was dark, and there was nothing.

There had been nothing for quite a long time now. Utter darkness and the abyssal shade of black engulfed every inch of Aizen's body and surroundings.

He saw nothing, the seals over his eyes too opaque to let anything through. And even if they weren't obscuring his vision, he would barely be able to see three feet in front of him; there was seldom a few lanterns in his cell to begin with. He felt nothing but the bindings that kept him imprisoned in one of the deepest pits of the Seireitei. At times it felt like even his internal organs had stilled in their functions. He heard nothing but the unrelenting quiet of his cell within Mugen's maw. The only thing that served as proof that he hasn't spontaneously grown deaf yet was the occasional muffled noise that originated from outside of the entrance. And even then, he could hardly hear much of anything.

Such is an ironic fate for someone who, with a stray thought and a glint of his blade, could control someone's senses and take away their free will to experience those senses in their reality. And now, he was stripped away of all of his in nearly every capacity.

Sōsuke Aizen was rendered stationary and stagnant, qualities he detested and were the antithesis of his ambitions and plans, perhaps even his existence.

Aizen had always believed in being in control of your own destiny and making your own choices; if you had the opportunity and the power to change something━ especially if it was something that was wrong, unfair or immoral━ then one should be able to move towards that goal by making change, even if by force. The former captain had always been intentional about his actions and his desires right from the start.

And yet, here he ended up.

Spending years strapped to a chair in this dark, cloistered hole, Aizen had nothing but time to reflect the reason for his arrest: that orange haired Ryoka boy, Ichigo Kurosaki. He had nothing but time to admit to himself and settle on the conclusion that his last battle with the substitute Shinigami . . . did something to him.

Fighting the Ryoka boy ignited something inside him that he previously believed would forever lay dormant.

The thrill of a challenge.

Adrenaline was injected into his veins with each clash of their swords, spreading far and wide across every inch of his body. It no longer reacted in the measured, calculative manner he had programmed it to, but with unadulterated, pure instinct and raw power━ all in an effort to not only withstand such potent spirit energy from his opponent, but to come out on top and win.

It made him feel alive.

Aizen's desire to be the victor in battle and in his philosophy━ to prove himself right━ both fueled him and consumed him so thoroughly it led to his own downfall. That was a rather difficult fact to acknowledge; so much so his head started to pulsate intensely whenever it crossed his mind one time too often.

All of it unfolded right in front of his eyes and yet . . . he didn't really see it happen.

As time passed during his perpetual incarceration, with hooded eyes, the former captain spent an unfathomable amount of time tossing and turning every single event that led him to this underground prison, even pondering his temporary release by the Head Captain Kyōraku to fight in the war. Scenarios both minor and significant displayed itself in front of his mind's eye as if he were watching a film.

Every so often, a blurred visage of your image would make a brief appearance, like the flickering sparks of a match before they were able to come to light, fading away into the void and were overshadowed by his other thoughts. It was as if his own consciousness and intentionally muted any manifestations of your existence in his memories. As if he wasn't able to or allowed to see them━ to remember you for too long.

Mentally reliving moments from the last several months, years, decades, centuries━ trying to analyze each moment and decipher where it could have went wrong━ turned out to be quite an exhausting task. His mind and body would grow heavier with inertia, and eventually he would succumb to the alluring pull of slumber. After some time he would rouse from his sleep, and continued from where he left off.

These were his daily activities day in and day out (even though he had trouble distinguishing day and night in his chambers) for years. He saw a positive side to it though. He'd instead think of it has him getting stronger because he had spent so long . . . thinking. Ruminating. Contemplating every possibility in the past, present, and future. His mind would become as sharp as his zanpakuto.

Aizen had always been intentional about what he did, what he said, and how he conducted himself. He was sure in his abilities to orchestrate an image━ a belief for others to have faith in, and act on it in order to further his goals. He was always sure in that image, knowing who he was and what he stood for.

Or at least, that's what he thought.

Aizen wasn't consciously aware that his certainty in this crafted image had already begun to waver. He could not and was unable to anticipate how severe these small fractures had become until after a certain lieutenant paid him a visit outside his cell of confinement, right before he was scheduled to be thrown back into that dark hole of the Mugen.

Lieutenant Shuhei Hisagi was quite emotive when he burst through the doors. His expressions were contorted in volatile mixture of frustration, anger and sadness. His emotions were every which way, directed at everything that has happened so far, including himself. He was especially emotive at Aizen specifically for what he did to former captain Kaname Tosen and 'corrupting him with his twisted ideals.'

Aizen found amusement in that.

Before he was rolled away by the punishment force and therefore out of earshot, a particular set of Hisagi's words caused the small, content smile on his lips to uncurl ever so slightly. "Everything . . . and everyone that has ever gotten themselves involved with you has been trampled on by you and your ideals one way or another, and they all end up dead. If you think what you did to Captain Tosen was justified━ to call it mercy . . . . . then there is truly no justice in this world. You will . . . forever be the enemy in my eyes."

There was a trembling anger in his voice. Pain that wanted to cry out and be set free but, the thin lid of reason prevented it from doing so. And after a moment of silence, the corners of Aizen's lips curved upwards once more. A little bemused, a little more wolfish this time. He maliciously imagined Hisagi's reaction if he ever discovered the true reason for your disappearance.

But instead, all he said was. "What an interesting thing to say, Shuhei Hisagi. Your conviction is admirable." Any evidence of emotion that might have been reflected in his sepia irises was swallowed up and obscured by the darkness of the Mugen's jaw.

The cracks in Aizen's sense of self, in his beliefs, in the image he invented started to cave under the weight of Hisagi's words before he himself realized it was happening. They were like stains in the fabric of his mind that refused to come out.

What puzzled him more, was that with each attempt to figure out just why Hisagi's words echoed in his mind, they all lead back to you, the third seat of the 9th squad. Annoyingly so.

The tattooed lieutenant hadn’t said anything particularly profound ━ at least, Aizen didn't think so. Your name didn’t even fall from his lips. So why were memories of you and your likeness the only clear thoughts he could make of Hisagi's speech? Was it because he was aware of how close the two of you were? He doubted the reason were that trivial and insignificant.

His thoughts grew more discordant by the day, his soul a little more weighted than usual. Perhaps these new seals that Urahara had fashioned actually had an effect on him, Aizen thought. It made sense. His intellect, other than his own, were the only ones capable of creating such effective restraints.

After a while, he had a revelation. This was a different kind of weight.

This heaviness, the closest word he knew to describe it as . . . . was loneliness.

Time taunted him as it seemed to drag on━ Aizen grew even less sure of how much━ when he came to this realization. Hisagi's words were a clear mirror to the loneliness that echoed within him after what happened to you and to Tosen. It was so . . . potent, that it seemed to strike some chord in Aizen he had never heard before.

Such a chord, this sound of loneliness, it was strange and uncomfortable; he wasn't very fond of this sensation. He'd try to scrub it away, but it was all for naught.

His eyes had slid shut at some point, his ruminations leading to dead ends and wearing him down. And, almost as expected, there you were again, in all your translucent glory. The hem, the sleeves, and even the smell of your yukata slowly dragged across his dreams, haunting his thoughts like a lonely wraith.

And Aizen hardly dreamt of anything.

When he regained consciousness he was plagued with yet another epiphany. An additional reason behind this newfound depth.

Aizen's own loneliness. Guilt. Much to his own quiet horror.

How foreign and unusual a thing like guilt is. It was like looking into a mirror and not recognizing something you had never noticed before, but wondered if it had always been there.

But the thing Aizen did recognize, how lonely he actually felt, was something he had hoped would never resurface again. It was a notion he hadn't had the time or regard to consider━ 'loneliness'. Its only purpose, if any, was solely to serve as a motivator. At times though, it was more like a hindrance.

Something akin to nausea slowly started to bubble up in the pit of his stomach, but he suppressed the sensation before it became any more intense.

What of his previous actions did he need to feel guilty for? He hadn't felt it then, so why would he feel it now? Again he ruminated such a question endlessly into oblivion.

The former captain had no doubts that his plan to remove the Soul King, and therefore the Soul Society's sins, were necessary.

Nor did any hesitancy about removing the opposition or dead weight━ whether shinigami or arrancar━ existed.

He certainly had no reservations against killing Kaname Tosen, for he knew the man well enough to know that Tosen would have been so thoroughly appalled with what he had become, it would have drove him mad.

So what was it, then? Why were such useless emotions as guilt and loneliness being amplified n━

"Y....know, S....."

Even covered by the seals, Aizen's eyes widened and his brows were slightly furrowed in distress. Had his mind finally tipped the scales of sanity and madness, to the point where he was hearing things?

It was quiet for several moments longer, before his senses caught onto the sound of water dripping onto a hard surface.

One drop at a time.

Its cadence a little too rhythmic to be natural. And for a second time, he heard that soft, ominous sounding whisper. Its voice a little clearer this time.

"You...know.....Sōsuke."

In the second it took for his eyes to flutter shut behind its seals to blink, when he reopened them, he was no longer sealed to the walls and floors of the Mugen, nor was he surrounded by every shade of darkness imaginable. His limbs and senses were finally freed to breathe for the first time in what felt like ages.

That relief was short-lived when his senses absorbed the unending landscape of water underneath his feet, water lilies lifelessly floating on its surface, and the dim sky illuminated by a full pale moon.

Aizen was in his inner world, and now he was aware of how he got here, or rather who brought him here.

"You . . . already know the answer to that question, Sōsuke." The voice was even more clear, its sentences more comprehensible. And it sounded it eerily like you.

Why the voice was impersonating your likeness had caught him off guard for half a second, but he realized it was only the work of his zanpakuto, Kyoka Suigetsu.

An illusion it may be, there was an untouchable quality about your voice and how you spoke that even Kyoka Suigetsu couldn't replicate.

A few feet away from him, the water was disturbed by a being emerging from the depths. Ripples formed around a manifested version of his zanpakuto, who took the form of you, smiling ever so gently. The smile felt airy, and it didn't seem like the same one that haunted his dreams and every waking thought as of late. It felt....knowing.

Still, the former captain couldn't be bothered to maintain eye contact with his sword spirit, so he turned around and opted to keep his unreadable stare trained on the vast expanse of water and white lilies.

"It's been quite a while since I have stepped foot into this realm. There must be something you want . . . Kyoka."

The zanpakuto chuckled, it sounded like the way you would softly laugh at one of his clever quips. But this wasn't you.

He didn’t want to admit that something about that fact didn’t sit right with him.

"Judging from your tone, would I be correct in assuming you don't want to be here?"

Silence rang out within the soul scape, before Aizen interrupted it, his gentle voice colored a shade darker, and a little rigid. "And I fail to see the reason why you must take that form when you revealed yourself to me. Is your aim to get a reaction out of me? Or something along those lines?"

Your eyes━ the eyes of Kyoka Suigetsu━ narrowed at its master's back, as if they were trying to create concavities in his skull. But the expression was washed away the moment it appeared, the serene smile from before was back in place.

"You know . . . it's considered quite rude to not look at someone when you're addressing them. That, and when you deliberately ignore things they say. Your manners have been deteriorating, Sōsuke. Tsk, tsk."

Kyoka-dressed-as-you suddenly appeared before him, as if they had teleported. Even when they were in his peripheral vision, Aizen still maintained his stare off into the distant nothingness.

"Unless, you can't find it in yourself to look at me. . . that's correct, isn't it? It's because I look exactly like her, right?" The zanpakuto continued to provoke him, taking a step closer into his personal space.

With an exasperated sigh, his eyelids fell shut for a second, using that time to gather the strength he didn't know he needed, and directed his gaze to meet his spirit's. Aizen's face gave nothing away, but his heart lurched about his chest when his bronze eyes met with yours, or what was made to look like yours. The undesired affect it had on him was all the same.

"If you wish to chastise me about manners, I suggest you take your own advice. You didn't answer my first question, either: what is it you want? Why am I here?" Again the former captain chose to not address the other parts of Kyoka's statement. For the sake of his sanity and his thinning patience━ or was it to preserve his resolve?

Its smile widened a bit, moving another step closer to their master. God, Kyoka even smelled like you, mimicking your signature honeyed scent that Aizen didn't realize he found so intoxicating until this very moment.

"I called you here to save you from yourself."

Aizen remained silent, only narrowing his eyes in speculation. "Meaning?"

"Didn't I already say it earlier? I think you already know what I'm talking about, Sōsuke. You've always known."

Fate's pairing of Kyoka Suigetsu with Aizen was a match crafted from the spindles of heaven, but also a maddening curse pulled from the depths of hell, for they complimented each other a little too well. The zanpakuto was too perfect a reflection of Aizen and his soul, looking at it started to hurt his eyes.

His sword spirit insisted that he already knew the reason for his coming here, and perhaps he did have an inkling the moment the light of epiphany was shone on his profound loneliness and guilt. But that couldn't have been what it was referring to . . . . could it?

"You cannot feign ignorance here, my dear Sōsuke, however I do find it rather humorous you bother trying. If you'd like, I don't mind humoring you by spelling it out for you. I'd be glad to unearth the truth that you have buried in the most neglected corner of your heart."

"When you were . . . . subjecting yourself to such mental torment, it had an affect on this world as well. The ripples, the waves in this scape become quite . . . tumultuous." The nuances in your voice were perfected by his zanpakuto, but the way it talked sounded like a fog that was gradually closing in from over the horizon. The uneasy feeling that resided in his chest traveled down to his stomach, but Aizen's face remained steely, even when Kyoka Suigetsu took that final step to close the gap in between them. "And the reason for that, the reason why Hisagi's words rattled you so is because you regret killing that woman."

The creased line in Aizen's brow grew more prominent as he stared down his sentient sword spirit. With its breast pressed against his, they placed a hand on his clothed chest in a tantalizing manner, but he felt nothing. There was no warmth from its palm, much unlike when your hand touched him. There wasn't even a cool sensation either. Even minutes before your death, your touch brought a soothing heat that permeated through his shihakusho and penetrated his skin.

Kyoka's face grew nearer, their smile━ although still tender looking━ grew cold at its edges, nearly resembling that of a predator eager to see despair reflected in the eyes of its prey. It didn't fit the graceful allure of your face at all, and seeing this expression deeply unsettled the former captain more than he would like to admit.

"You regret . . . killing me."

A chill tore through Aizen's body, the weight of Kyoka's words adding onto the heaviness that still hasn't been alleviated from his heart; he was hardly able to suppress the involuntary shiver.

Without warning, Kyoka's mouth suddenly became dangerously close to their master's, its lips brushing against his in a provocative manner. Aizen's expression darkened when he realized that it was reenacting his last encounter with you when you were alive. His mouth started to grow uncomfortably dry, despite his soul scape being full of moisture, and there was a taste on the back of his tongue that's been lingering there since he arrived.

The lilt in Kyoka's tone continued to taunt him. "That is the reason for your guilt: regret. You have been in denial. And in the spirit of unearthing truths, I suppose I can admit that perhaps . . . . I've been . . . . encouraging said delusions, adding drops of fuel into the flames of your emotions and ambitions. But after all that's happened, when it comes down to it there's no point in continuing this hallucination any longer. I've grown tired of this game, so it's time to for you wake up now, Sōsuke. I've brought you here to release you from your own illusion, to completely shatter it."

Aizen's back was as stiff as a board, not moving a millimeter when Kyoka's lips grazed his again. They were breathing softly onto his mouth, but he hardly felt any puffs of air.

The former captain was having a rather difficult time processing the fact that his zanpakuto had its own agenda and had been manipulating his emotions without him noticing. Specifically the emotions he felt towards you.

He never truly believed that such a thing was possible, one's own blade having such a deep-rooted influence━ no, control over their master. Or would it be more accurate to say that he never expected himself to be controlled to such a degree? He that prided himself on being freed from the marionette strings of fate that were tied to his limbs and mind, he that relished being able to do what he wanted, think what he wanted, feel what he wanted━ or what he didn't want━ it was hard to believe that none of that mattered in the end.

Kyoka Suigetsu's deceptive abilities were indeed undeniably perfect. No one, not even Aizen himself could have anticipated that Kyoka's most absolute and complete hypnosis would be enacted on himself.

"Do you know now, Sōsuke? Do you understand?" Kyoka's voice was as soft as a whisper, but it couldn't hide the edges of its tone that were still sharpened from finding amusement of seeing the truth flash across its master's face. "You had destroyed the solution to your existential question of loneliness, before you could fully understand the question itself."

Yes . . . . . Aizen understood now.

He didn't bother acknowledging what Kyoka had said. His grim facial expression━ still, tinged with dolor, and paired with an indescribable, distant look his eyes━ said all that it needed to. His silence was as much as an admission as any.

Kyoka-dressed-as-you leaned forward again to fully close the gap between their lips and Aizen's. Tenderly, like the intentions of a lover, it spoke against his nearly closed mouth. "Have you figured it out yet?"

Nothing but quiet could be heard between them, as Kyoka's mouth moved about their master's face and placed something like kisses upon its surface, but not quite.

Aizen's cocoa-shaded eyes slide down to stare at his sword spirit pressed up against him. His gaze was hard, and yet something swam underneath its surface that his zanpakuto had never seen before. Melancholy, it guessed? They weren't quite sure.

Kyoka pressed on when Aizen remained quiet. "The taste in the back of your mouth. Have you figured out what it was? You know it quite well....."

Aizen's tongue grazed the roof of his mouth, sensing the rather unpleasant taste that has coated the inside of it. And within a moment, because he was faced with the current circumstances, Aizen had finally placed a name associated this particular taste. How unfortunate this was.

Upon his realization, Aizen's head lowered, and his brown tresses hung freely over his lashes. Perhaps it was so Kyoka couldn't properly see whatever remorseful expression painted their master's face, but it mattered not. Even from here, the sword spirit could already sense exactly what it was he was feeling.

And they loved it.

"It's a sweet and flavorful taste, isn't it? Quite lovely." Kyoka Suigetsu mimicked the exact words he uttered against your lips all those years ago when he tasted jasmine tea on your tongue, and sealed your death with a kiss. "It's too bad you don't seem to enjoy it anymore."

Aizen's chest continued to rise and fall calmly, and the hands of his sword spirit that rested there glided upwards to cup his strong jaw, caressing his skin with its thumb. Its phantasmic touch did nothing to stir their master.

"Sōsuke, do you know what the jasmine flower from that tea symbolizes?"

Aizen's lips were slightly parted, but again he didn't say anything. Instead, its corners twitched and lifted upwards by an inch, and he huffed softly.

Kyoka Suigetsu grinned in reply. "Good."

The next time Aizen blinked, he was plunged in darkness yet again. The restrictive feeling that swallowed his being whole had returned, and was an indicator that his zanpakuto had released him from his inner world. He was consciously back in the Mugen, back in this abyss they called a prison cell.

Kyoka was indeed as much as a formidable force in its own right, as much as, if not greater than Aizen himself.

The conversation he had with his sword spirit would be cemented in his head for all eternity. When he grew senile and began to physically wither away, the one thing that would remain vital like a young heart, was this epiphany that he had. This realization that he actually . . . .

As the chains of despair bound him tighter to the bottom of the metaphorical pit, regret and his loneliness corroding his flesh and spirit like metal exposed to moisture, a stray memory of his time in Hueco Mundo flashed in his mind. He recalled having tea prepared for meetings with his Espadas and he could not pinpoint when, but at some point, Aizen developed an aversion for jasmine flavored tea. For one reason or another, he no longer found its taste appealing; whenever he drank it, it always tasted bitter.

Now that reason had become painstakingly clear.

The binding on his mouth muffled a rueful chuckle at the though, and it trapped the flavor of jasmine on his lips.

(#) @soaringmirror @stygianoir @ryukenzz @blkjupiters @chrissie2003 @nymphoheretic @dejwrld @triangularz @souyaszn @kuujo @honeybleed @valentineluvu . let me know if you’d like to be apart of my tag list ♡♡.

#໒꒱ newborn stand ─ sosa’s filez #i love having a bleach brain rot <3 #out of all my published works this might be my magnum opus SO FAR #so far….. #because i’m gonna write more and my writing will improve 🙂 but for now i present you this #you can prob tell how much i like aizen lolol #bleach #bleach fanfiction #bleach fandom #bleach tybw #bleach cfyow #cfyow fic #bleach x reader #sosuke aizen #aizen sousuke #bleach aizen #captain aizen #aizen x reader #aizen x you #sosuke aizen x reader #aizen centric fic #aizen x black reader #bleach x black reader #bleach x female reader

[chubsonthemoon]

Last Binderary book is DONE!!!! This is the incredible Maybe sprout wings, by @moorishflower.

This post is going to be a doozy, so gonna just skip straight to the cut!

INTERIOR

INTRODUCTION

I really wanted to model this bind after my own copy of the Odyssey, (which is all highlighted and bookmarked and annotated to hell from my Great Text courses in undergrad ehe, so this bind was such a fun trip down memory lane!). But beyond just the cover/general aesthetic, I also wanted to give the book a similar feel to these kinds of editions of classics--there's usually an introduction, translation notes, and other supplementary materials, right? Like, a physical manifestation of the work of many, many people, all having conversations with one another across time and space.

So that's what I did! I wrote a short introduction (I will also probably post it to my AO3/my blog as well, in the name of preservation etc. etc.) and began reaching out to folks in the fandom who I knew had created art and meta for the fic. The result? 18k words of analysis, comments, and meta, and nearly twenty pages of art!

And this is what I love most about this bind, I think! This book is the work of several people--truly a collaborative work by the fandom--all of whom I will now be shamelessly calling out below :D

CHAPTER HEADER ART

First and foremost, this book would not be what it is without the gorgeous header art by @fancy-rock-dove! Thank you so much Dove for letting include your work, and for being so supportive and kind these past few weeks about this bind <3 You in particular have contributed so much to this book (which I will be getting more into in the next section ehe), and I'm so psyched I get to hold your art and words, too!

NOTES ON THE TEXT

This section was divided into four parts: Asks and Answers, Meta, Selected Comments, and Chapter Heading Art: Process

For Asks and Answers, I trawled Heather's blog for meta she had written in response to questions and other meta about the fic. Asks came from @fancy-rock-dove, @quillingwords, @kulapti, and myself! (I THINK I got all of them--tumblr's search function is finnicky even on its best days, so so sorry if I missed something T_T) I first got hooked into reading this fic because of one of these asks, so I'm very fond of this section in particular :D

For Meta, I included two wonderful essays written by @pastrypuppy (also known as @kulapti) about Hob as an author figure and the Disrupted Fisher King narrative in MSW. Her analyses were so fascinating and I just had to include them in the book! (And thank you as well for your permission, friend!) (also hello fellow Renegade comrade 🫡)

For Selected Comments, I owe everything to (once again :3) @fancy-rock-dove, whose insights are the epitome of transformative fandom at work. I'd look for their comments after I read every chapter to see what their takes were on this or that element of the story, and every single time I would go "!!!!! I didn't even realize!!!" or "OOOOOOOH I hadn't thought of that!!" It was like being in a lecture hall and always whipping your head around when one of your classmates raised their hand, because you knew they were going to say something fascinating that you hadn't considered before.

Aside from one of my own comments, Dove's comments make up the entirety of this section (for which I owe you my life--your long-form responses to fics are a gift to this world) but GOSH was it also so much fun going through the comments section while typesetting and seeing all the keyboard smashing, yelling, and crying from the other commenters. Communal nature of storytelling and ongoing meaning-making of fanfiction, babey!

And finally for Chapter Heading Art: Process: once again Dove coming in clutch with some wonderful insights into the design of each of the chapter heading art pieces! This kind of stuff is honestly my favorite: meta about art for a fic which is, in turn, a transformation of an existing story (not even to mention that The Sandman is its own kind of fanfiction of existing mythologies and histories)--I just!! Think it's all really, really neat :'D (for more coherent/polished thoughts on this pls see my introduction asjdfkls)

ART

The art gallery!!! A million thanks to @fishfingersandscarves, @honeyseller, @jazzpsych, @doctor-rainbowfoxey, and (HI AGAIN DOVE) @fancy-rock-dove for granting me permission to include all of your beautiful pieces!

As usual for artworks in my binds, I printed each piece out on specialty photo paper to really make the colors pop, then sewed each page separately to the text block! Behold, everyone's beautiful beautiful pieces!

The art gallery also satisfies the certain "oooh shiny" part of my brain that always activates when I see pictures in a book, so am also very fond of this section :3

CONSTRUCTION

And now on to the nitty gritty stuff! I used the German Bradel binding technique again, my second time using it. Even though it's more complicated than the case bind, I really love how it gives you the full board space for the cover designs (~it's free real estate~). Keep it a secret but I kiiiiiiind of made a small goof in the last few steps (I did the turn-ins a step too early and so had to paste an extra sheet of cardstock to secure the spine to the boards, whoopsie), but it's a pretty small difference, aesthetically speaking, so it wasn't the end of the world XD

Edges are once again fake gilded, but this time I tried something new with the colors! I did two layers of acrylic paint--one watered down shade of red for the base, then one metallic gold on top of that. I really like the red/gold effect! I'll have to keep experimenting with this kind of layering:

ALSO. Y'ALL! I think I'm finally getting the hang of endbands!!! Many thanks to the folks at Renegade who hosted all the endband workshops last month--I'm still working through them, but even the few sessions I've seen have been TREMENDOUSLY helpful. I learned that tension is Very Important, as well as thread thickness, so I tried doubling my thread and keeping a Very Close Eye on how I was holding the threads while doing the beads. And behold! I still have a ways to go (and one day I would LOVE to do the fancier designs), but I'm v happy with the progress I've made so far!

And finally the covers!! ARCHIVAL MOD PODGE MY BELOVED. I printed on the same matte presentation paper that I used for the art, then did several coats of archival matte mod podge + a pass of gloss mod podge over the title strip to make it ~shiny~. Then once those had dried and I'd adhered them to the boards, I sprayed two layers of matte clear acrylic sealer (also mod podge!) to finish it off. I had some issues with the paper tearing when I handled it before it was fully dry, but luckily the blemishes were small enough that it was easy to do spot corrections with my black acrylic paint. And now I know to be more patient next time LOL

(some non-photoshoot shots that show the shine a little better!)

FINAL THOUGHTS

I had a lot of thoughts while I was binding this book--about Sandman fandom, about Dreamling fandom, about the Odyssey, about storytelling, about fanbinding, about Binderary, about Renegade, about my friends--but really what came to mind the most was gratitude!

Simply put, I'm so grateful to everyone I've met both in this fandom and throughout the years I've been active online--this is SO fun, y'all. It's so much fun to love stories together--to talk about them, to write them, and of course to bind them! I hope I've adequately conveyed that gratitude.

But of course, this book would not exist without the wonderful words of @moorishflower. Heather, thank you so, SO much for sharing your stories, thoughts, and time with us--it is always a happier, better day when I get an email notif from you and when I see you on my dash. I love your work so much, and I'm so happy I finally get to put it on my shelf! So thank you so much again, for everything <3

and OKAY THAT'S IT FROM ME FOLKS!!!!! Binderary 2023 is officially a wrap! I had SUCH a blast--will probably write up a reflection post on it uhhhh after I take a very long nap ajslkdfjslk _(:3」∠)_

all my love! <3

#the sandman #dreamling #Moorishflower #Maybe sprout wings #binderary2023 #bookbinding #fanbinding #ficbinding #not my fic

[genderfluid-culture-iss]

for the baby genderfluid tips!!

this could just be me lmao, but DO NOT donate your fem clothes if you feel masc for longer than usual. or vice versa.

keeping a gender journal is something that can be really helpful to actually look back on and see how it changes (and also have proof of fluidity for when you begin to think "hmm actually im just a trans girl. nothing else." no, you probably aren't. you felt completely boy/nonbinary/etc just a month ago, and thats okay.)

basically it can be really hard to embrace that your gender is not static, especially if your gender stays stable for a slightly longer period. it took me so long to stop rotating between "im a girl always" "no, im a boy always" "actually, im nonbinary always" to just admit im genderfluid.

also, make genderfluid content. you don't have to show it to anyone, but sometimes it can really help to make poetry or art or write a story about being fluid and your experience in particular. i have an easy avenue for this since i write fanfiction (haven't published any of it yet lmao) and i just hit my favorite characters with my genderfluid beam and go nuts

follow people who are genderfluid, read genderfluid books, maybe join a genderfluid discord server (there are barely any, so actually maybe make one), try to make genderfluid friends. you are not alone, even though it sometimes feels that way.

if you have plushies or anything similar, make them genderfluid. i have a genderfluid squishmallow who i use she/they pronouns for, and a little husky that switches between he/she. idk it just helps sometimes lol

some of us change gender daily, or multiple times a day. some of us change gender only a couple times a year, or even less. we're all different and that's fine.

tips for presentation:

if you have a day when you can't figure out gender, go neutral clothing-wise

take little things to ease dysphoria if you switch when you're out somewhere (ex. lipgloss, eyeliner, leather bracelet, etc)

if you can, get pronoun pins. seriously, get pronoun pins (or a colored bracelet for subtlety or if you're not out). you can wear multiple at a time, you can switch them whenever you need to. you aren't a burden if your pronouns change. you don't have to stick to they/them to be easy for people.

if you can, get a versatile hairstyle that you can make suit your gender no matter what. if you cant, try to get a hairstyle that makes you the least dysphoric overall.

if you are organized enough, separate your clothes based on gender/what you feel comfy wearing on different days. do not pressure yourself to fit stereotypes. some people can only feel comfortable in skirts when theyre boys, so they only wear skirts on boy days. do what works for you.

it's kinda complicated, but if you can expand your vocal range to sound more fem or masc depending on how you feel, it can help. alternatively, vocal train to make it more androgynous.

keep makeup wipes with you in case you need to take it off part way through being out. basically, make it as easy as possible to be able to change/tweak your presentation if necessary.

this could just be me, but having lots of hoodies in different colors and styles will save your life

sometimes you might have "blender days", which is what i call it when your gender feels like its in a blender in a bad way and you can't tell at all what it is, everything feels wrong, it's changing like every 10 minutes, etc. tbh on these days all i can do is put on sweats and a hoodie and feel dysphoric. listen to music if it helps. do a hobby.

non-clothing items can help a lot. a blue tshirt and jeans can be whatever you want it to be based on what you wear it with. (ex. sneakers/ballet flats, leather bracelet/sparkly necklace, baseball cap/eyeliner)

and lastly: YOU ARE AMAZING. keep being you, keep being incredible, and know that being genderfluid is a gift. be proud to be who you are, have fun, know that you are unique and special and wonderful!! we're ever-changing, and that's awesome. you are precious. i love you.

🩷🤍💜🖤💙

dont wanna link my tumblr, but my name is kiley if you want to attach a name to this!

Okay this is a lot more than I was expecting LMAO /pos

Thank you so much for this Kiley <33 I’ll start working on a masterpost with links to all this.

#genderfluid #genderfluid culture is #genderfluid culture #lgbtq #lgbtqia #lgbtq+ #anon #anonymous #Genderfluid tips #Baby genderfluid tips #Genderfluid help

[reriart]

While Your Lips Are Still Red

Summary: You suffer for what's happening in your life and you tried to put an end to it, but Astarion saved you.

Notes/TW: I wrote this fanfiction thinking about my Tav (female), but I wrote it gender-neutral so you can think about your OC (or you!) without any problems. The theme of suicide is the focus of this story, so if you are particularly sensitive to the theme and don't feel okay, please don't read it! I chose this topic because it is particularly dear and close to me. No one deserves to suffer and if you need it don't hesitate to contact a hotline. You are not alone!

There's also a bit of romance.

Please remember that English is not my native language.

Your sight grew darker and blurrier.

The bright stars in the sky, your only companions on nights when nightmares seemed to prevail, now seemed like many small, confused, and meaningless dots — the last, silent judges of your ruthless act.

You had decided to end everything: the story of the tadpoles, the absolute, the emperor... it was too much.

Your life had never been peaceful from the beginning, but the limit to how you could tolerate pain had become increasingly thin. You had tried every loophole possible, including considering joining Shadowheart in her crusade for Shar's honor; but just a few days before, you had convinced her to abandon the Lady of Loss and embrace her loving sister Selune. Because for her, your best friend, there was still hope, a glimmer of divine light ready to welcome her.

But not for you. Each fight had become more exhausting, each rescue mission more violent, soaked in innocent blood. The harpists, the tieflings. Children who would never play again, men and women who would never love again.

You should have rejoiced that you were still alive. To still be able to enjoy that great gift that life was. Yet now, cradled by the cold waters of the lake, not far from your sleeping companions, unaware of everything, your injured wrists let the red blood stain that crystalline liquid.

After making sure everyone was asleep (or in a trance, or on patrol, in Astarion's case), you had pulled your dagger from its sheath and used it on yourself right on the shore. You wanted to stab yourself and get it over with as quickly as possible, but you couldn't.

And now, at the mercy of the sweet waves, you waited for your moment. The moment when it would all end. You had managed to isolate the Emperor thanks to Gale, with the excuse of "I need a spell that silence everything for a few hours, or I won't even sleep tonight". A little suspicious, the wizard of Waterdeep finally granted your request. This way, none of your group would have the slightest signal from the tadpoles.

Your head felt lighter… it was like being drunk. A bitter smile spread across your face as your limbs grew numb, and your body grew colder and colder. The eyelids, however, became extremely heavy, as if there were a stone holding them down, and his heartbeat pounded in the eardrums like a war drum. The body became lighter and lighter but also heavier. The arms wanted only to go down, further down, towards the depths of the lake.

Your vision became almost completely blurred, your heartbeat infinitely slow: it was the end. One last breath and everything would have ended, if it hadn't been the rippling water and the cold hands (but warmer than your skin) that tore you away from the agonized embrace of death.

Thump-sounding words filled your head, but you didn't understand their meaning. A pale blob stood in front of you, squirming like a madman. A gasp came from your mouth as you recognized the figure. It was Astarion, visibly panicking. Perhaps thanks to the adrenaline of seeing him so agitated, you managed to understand his words.

"What the hell did you think?!" he almost screamed, lifting you out of the water to hold you. His gaze fell to your wrists which continued to bleed and you saw him swallow and clench his jaw. "I… one thing at a time. Now I have to think about getting you out of here, damn it." He rolled his eyes so as not to focus too much on your wounds, a temptation for him, especially after his failed hunt earlier. You didn't have the energy to reply, so you just let the elf pick you up, your eyelids too numb to allow you to look at him. You could only see his worried look, his milky white eyebrows furrowed.

Once you reached the shore, you felt Astarion spinning around. “If I take you to camp like this they'll think I bled you dry before you even let me explain,” he whispered. The companions were not within earshot, although relatively close, but it was normal for the vampire to operate in the shadows. You felt your body hit the ground and when you had enough strength to open your eyes, you noticed that he had found shelter in the forest. Your back was leaning against a large log, your legs stretched out on the damp ground.

“A…Astarion?” you whispered. "What…?"

“We'll leave the explanations for later, darling. Give me your wrists,” he ordered. Your tired eyes reflected fear. Did he want to bite you? Finish you there?

Noticing your hesitation, he took them both in his cold hands. "I do not want to hurt. Let me save you." His voice was calm, but his eyes hid a nervousness you had rarely seen. He swallowed, and bringing your wrists to his mouth, he licked them. His red eyes glowed like rubies and his breath trembled against your veins as a short, strangled moan escaped his throat. He seemed to struggle against himself, before placing your wrists on the ground, perhaps with a little too much force. You almost heard him growl as his jaw muscles clenched and his fingers trembled.

The wounds were gone. You blinked several times, lifting your arms with difficulty. It was as if they had never existed!

“I… thank you, Astarion. For saving me. Because of this. It must have been diff…”. Your head was spinning fast, so fast. You felt like the ground was disappearing from underneath your body and you almost fell to the side, if it weren't for the vampire, who grabbed you, preventing your head from hitting a stone.

“Do you want… me to hold you?” he asked with an apprehensive look, his voice a little more serious than usual. Maybe it was the lack of blood that made you see misleading things because he didn't look like Astarion at all. However, by now you didn't care about anything anymore, for all you knew he might as well be a shape-shifting monster ready to make a single morsel of you. You nodded your head and Astarion pulled you into his arms, resting your back against his chest.

"Better?" he asked. His breath tickled your neck.

“Mh hm” you replied. "Listen…"

You felt his arms become firmer around you.

"I am sorry." His voice was a whisper. “I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. Maybe all this wouldn't have happened."

You frowned, tilting your head slightly, which made it spin even more than before, confusing you to the point of making you feel drunk. "What…? What didn't you tell me...?”

The pale elf peered at the now distant black lake through the trunks of the forest. He didn't have the courage to meet your gaze.

“That I love you, my dear. Or rather, I told you that time as a joke, at the camp. Those words that I said to all the victims before taking them to Cazador." His gaze finally found its way to yours, glossy for the tears you were trying to hold back. Your heart, slow at first, began to thunder in your skull like a hammer, your breath became shorter and you tried to move away from him.

It wasn’t possible. It couldn't be. Was he taking advantage of that situation? Was he joking? Was it a demon, perhaps Raphael, ready to extort some contract from you?

"I do not believe you". Your voice trembled with fear and weakness, but even if you wanted to, you couldn't escape. You couldn't feel your legs anymore and the breath burned in your lungs. Even if you wanted to scream no one would have heard you.

Your panic didn't come from the fear of being eaten, but from the fact that Astarion had been the last bastion of salvation for you before you thought about harming yourself. You had feelings for him for a long time now, and your eyes often drifted over his slender frame as you tried to fall asleep in your bedroll as he drifted further into the darkness. When you allowed him to drink your blood, his bites and lips continued to torment you in the night, but far from unpleasant reasons. However, convinced that you were not reciprocated and considering his ambition for power and the constant flirting during missions even with bears, those words looked fake to you. You bit your lip, curling up as much as you could.

“No, no, don't be like that... look at me,” he said while lifting your chin with one hand. You didn't want to, you didn't want to accept the reality and feel terribly stupid for almost throwing your life away when the one you loved maybe actually reciprocated your feelings. When your eyes finally met, you saw him for what he truly was.

A fragile creature. His look was desperate, the mouth curved in an expression of infinite sadness. His other hand caressed your hair... a pleasant contact, which made you relax a little. "Listen to me. I know I don't have the easiest of temperament” he confessed, a bitter laugh, with his typical accent, changed his expression for a moment. “And I want you to know that everything you see of me is not… true. It's that bastard Cazador who turned me into a monster. But you made me feel something that in two hundred years, under his control, I had never felt.”

You rested your face in his hand, now cupping your cheek. You decided to trust. If it was a dream or a near-death hallucination, you wanted to live every minute of it.

"What?"

"Free. I feel free” he murmured, and his lips rested on yours in a sweet, delicate kiss. They were surprisingly soft and tasted vaguely of iron and mulberry, but that contact was enough to feel a new, powerful rush of adrenaline bringing you back to the present.

It was really happening. You were in his arms and he had saved you from certain death. And now he was kissing you in the sweetest way possible, both of his hands cupping your face as if you were in danger of breaking at any moment.

It seemed like an eternal, perfect kiss that you wanted to leave suspended in time. When you opened your eyes again, you found his. So vulnerable, so desperate. He ran a finger over your lip, before being grabbed and hugged like his life depended on it.

"Stay with me. Forever."

#baldur's gate 3 #astarion #baldur's gate iii #baldur's gate 3 oc #astarion x tav #astarion x reader #astarion x you

[kuni-is-daddy]

Thinking about getting placed as Scaras assistant, he’s testing you at first asking questions small missions and battles so you can prove youself, but one night he’s asking you questions on why you want to work for him, the way he moves and speaks its like he’s teasing you

Your mind starts to wonder thoughts about your boss you never thought you have as he’s reading your mind, only teasing u more as he replies to your suggestive thoughts of him (I’m so wet for this man I CANT <33)

damm anon that makes me wanna act up IDK. i got a tent goin on over here if yk what i mean-

LET ANON COOK YALL, I THINK THEY ONTO SOMETHING--

INDUSTRY KAMI!

BOSS, SCARAMOUCHE X ASSISTANT/BODYGUARD READER

FLUFF+SMUT, SCARAMOUCHE BACKSTORY SPOILERS.

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. 1.2k WORDS. Smut part long af.

'Perhaps I feel like I owe my beloved Kunikuzushi something, Which is why i gave control of the gakaden company to him, Along with his own free will. I entrust Y/N with the safety and wellbeing of my son. As they are my most prestige warrior within inazuma and in all of teyvat' -The Raiden shogun, Ei.

AMAZING ART

Scara masterlist part 2!

The 5th round this evening, Your hands grew tired from holding your signature weapon. "Y-you are very skilled in the art of the sword my lord. My I ask where you were taught?" You said while trying to catch your breath in your tired state. "Taught? How amusing. as if someone could tell me what to do and how to fight? Y/n, i dont need anyones validation or blah blah-" The rest of your master's words went through one ear and out the other. Something about the shaken up and tired state he had you in gave you tremendous bliss, You we're well known to be one of the strongest warriors within teyvat, Even trained by the strongest human within the world, Il Capitano. Yet here you we're being bested by your own superior? Someone you we're ironically enlisted to by the Almighty god of thunder, Ei. To protect. It was pathetic how in every round he bested you, How as soon as you saw an opening to whisk away his katana from his grasp, he was always one step ahead, as if he was reading you like a book. The way he fought was unexpected. That is why you asked where his styles originated. "As expected, my master. A individual as great as you wouldn't need anyone else's guidance or leadership." You bowed your head as a sign of respect. Master, Scara liked that word. "Good Y/n. you know your place." He looked you up and down, observing your body as you stood up and wiped your forehead. He didn't mean to go so rough on you, But you always do ask to spar him after missions. So he did with no hesitation. "Go get yourself cleaned up or some shit and wait for me outside, Im going to get changed." He said as he left the room.

You we're reading "Flowers for Princess Fischl – Vol. I: End Time." while waiting for your superior. A young girl named amy gave it to you as a gift for helping her join the adventures guild. It was childish, but you ended up enjoying the book. Little did you know your boss was standing behind you as you waited for him at the lobby door. "The fuck is this?" He took the book from you "I- MY LORD-" You stuttered while trying to gather your thoughts. "Flowers for princess fish? Great.. So you spend your time reading fanfiction instead of being attentive as usual..." He sighed. "Hm..Now what if the enemy was inside y/n? Now im dead" your heart sunk at his sudden words. You we're well put together in a fine suit and tie similar to his. Along with a suitcase containing your signature weapon, Ready to defend your superior through anything. "I trust that you are more than capable to take care of yourself while i am not around, Master. Your strength is no match for anyone." You bowed and walked forward to the car, Holding the door open for him. "Is that so y/n?" He said while stepping into the vehicle. "Im sure your master can find other ways to show you his strength." The man whispered into your ear. You blushed and closed the door, Looking at him again while smilingly and running around to get into the car. Kuni smirked as your childish reaction. He sat next to you across the drivers seat.

The smell of his fresh cologne Filled your nose as if it was oxygen. He looked so professional and clean while flipping through your book, from the way his hair was perfectly straight to the beautiful way you could see his muscles Pearce through his suit. Even the way his tie was on is perfect, The way he would threaten to fire you immediately when you'd embarrass him in public during a mission- "Who is this, Amy person y/n?" 'Huh? How does he know about amy?' He read aloud "Dear y/n the loyal subjects of the Immernah-crick. Thank you for helping her majesty Princess fishkl. for- What the fuck is this?" You giggled under your breath at how he mispronounced the words. "Is Fuck? Your favorite word my lord?" He lightly blushed. "Thats not the Fucking- Thats not the question Y/n."

You two lightly teased and joked with eachother as the car finally pulled up. You held the door open while surveying the area and hesitantly apologized again "Im sorry lord kuni, i just got caught up while waiting for you. I wont read it again if you find Fantasy novels- Inconsiderate." "Read whatever the fuck you want, I could care less." He said as you held the door open to the penthouse lobby "and do me a favor y/n." "Yes my lord! Anything!" you said eagerly "...drop the 'my lord'. It sounds fucking weird when you say it. Keep the kuni shit." You smiled, Did this mean he was starting to trust you more? Was this all some test just to prove your worth.

SMUTT

You cheerfully followed 'kuni' into his penthouse. "My- I mean Kuni. Your place is amazing." You said while viewing his estate. All you we're instructed to do was to wait for him outside his bedroom door. Many thoughts swirled through your head, all about kuni. You just loved everything about him just from first glance, the way he'd carry himself, How independent he was, His outfit. You never worked for someone with that amount of prestige and overall leadership. Everyone was so obedient to him like a dog, even when he threatened to fire them. Threatened to fire you, The way that sent you chills was something you'd never forget. As if you could easily be replaced before he even knew your full name. You we're tapped out of your wet daze to be greeted by him. In a beautiful outfit(pov he's wearing his fatui outfit. "Hmm should i keep my hat on y/n or take it off?" He asked you. "M-my lo- I- i- mean kuni- you-" God you we're choking up on your words so hard.

"Ugh everytime I even talk to you about shit your always stuttering up y/n your acting as if this is the first time you've seen me wear my kimono." "W-well.. K-kuni.. Your chest..is out and i-" "Oh? so thats it." Kuni walked closer to you, you we're pinned against the wall" "You like what you see y/n..? Is that it?" "K-kuni please..Shouldnt we be leaving?" "I say when we fucking leave Y/n. There you go again making up your own mind. Is that any way to talk to your fucking superior?" Your body was burning up as your breath grew heavy. He whispered in your ear. "Whats wrong? I cant get closer to my pet...?"

"Say..Y/n.. Why do you work for me? Did my pathetic mother bribe you, The ever so righteous Y/N. who has trained with the strongest human in teyvat?" His beautiful violet eyes burned through yours. as if he was staring through your soul. Was this another test? You couldnt tell. Your breathing became more panicked. His body pressed against yours, the sweet smell of his perfume, His beautiful eye liner. You we're in a pure daze. The worst one you've had since you met him. "fucking say something y/n..or are my eyes putting you in another trance hm?" shit.. at this point he was reading your mind. Fuck it. "i.. I LOVE YOU KUNI. MORE THEN ANYTHING. ID PROTECT YOU WITH MY LIFE. I DONT CARE IF YOUR MOM WOULD'VE HIRED ME OR NOT..I... ALWAYS HAD FEELINGS FOR YOU!" You realized you let your heart out. When What" you've only known him for 3 weeks and you're going this fast. "...I-im..sorry..my lord. I'll just wait for you in the ca-" you we're cut off. "then prove it." 'huh?' "e-excuse me my lord?" "prove it. Prove how much you love your master~" A cord snapped in you. You kicked his bedroom door open with force, Even making him give an aroused look. you wanted this. You wanted him so bad, The way he fought you. The way he made you so happy, The way he made you so fucking horny and touch yourself after every night you'd make sure he was safe in his home. You unzipped his pants immediately and looked at his cock while licking your lips. He didn't stop you, only mocked you "fucking slut.

How long have you wanted my cock?" You didnt reply. Just the feeling of his big cock stuffing your mouth and making you gag had you on cloud 9. "f-fuck...Where did a slut like you learn how to suck a mans cock like this. Shit~ have you been passing yourself around?" "No..mph.. been savingf myselvf for you mahster~" You said with his dick still in your mouth. "Oh yeah? You saved yourself for daddy?" God that turned him on. He grabbed your hair, ran his fingers through it and forced your head down on his cock. "Just like that baby, You've been so patient already for me. I should reward you with my cum down your throat. how does that sound?" You shaked your head with vigor. Desperate for his seed. He pushed hard onto your head, Bucking his hips up and letting out a loud groan while he came down your throat. Fuck your mouth felt so warm he didnt want you to move. But you did and climbed ontop of scara, While stripping for him. "Mmm..Wanna put on a show for you Kuni~" god the way you'd say his name would always make him hard.

Especially the way he teased you in the car saying he'd show you his strength in other ways. You began grinding on his cock "F-fuck Kuni~ Your so big against me master..So big.. Your making me horny right now daddy~" "Yeah'? Making my little pet all turned on f' me? Want daddys help?" "Y-Yes kuni~ please help me." You swapped places, laying on the bed while kuni began taking his clothes off. his abs we're beautiful along with a nice scar along the side of them. He fetched through his cabinet for a bottle of lube. "Y-you have lube?" you said shocked. "Tsk. Yeah? You think i dry jerk off too you?" Just hearing that alone made you blush. He jerked off a little with it and began putting the tip inside. "oh shit kuni~" He looked so focused on making sure his cock got inside of you. watching how it would dissapear inside your warm wet hole. He moved slowly back and forth, Fucking you in a mating press. "K-kuni.." "Yes my love?" "C-can you go faster please. Wanna have you hit that spot." And that was all he needed to hear. He ruffled his hands through his hair and fucked you so hard. "K-KUNI AH~" you wrapped your legs around him "F-fuck baby dont wrap your legs round me like that- IM gonna CU-" "I dont care kuni~ please breed me. Breed me like the little pet i am. P-please kuni. Thats all I want, Wanna be yours forever."

#genshin smut #genshin headcanons #genshin fluff #genshin x you #scaramouche smut #scaramouche headcanons #scaramouche fluff #scaramouche x you #scaramouche x reader #scaramouche x yn #scaramouche x y/n #genshin impact smut #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact #genshin scenarios #genshin x y/n #scaramouche

[thatdeadaquarius]

(my first thought after the stone tablet ask)

The acolytes watching their creator burn all their written stories and fanfiction out of embrassment after realizing they can never write something legible to tyvat's citizens:

PLEASE- I LIVE AND BREATH TEYVAT NOT HAVING GOTTEN INTO THEIR NOVEL ERA YET BC I JUST LIKE TO THINK THEY DO STUFF BACKWARDS FROM US

Gif is literally any teyvat person who sees u with ur writing book out 💀 (bc no computers :P)

For reference i think they mean this one

OK BUT WAS WAITING ON SOMEONE TO REPLY WITH THIS MEME AT SOME POINT BC IT FITS SO MANY POSTS ON MY BLOG SO WELL LMAOO

tbh writing and other creative talents r my fav (besides language obv) to explore in sagaus

like bc its such a cool connection to the OG concept of sagau (actually being a video game that's just self-aware part)

like if them being a video game/creation is their whole livelihood, id think other creative skills would matter a lot to the citizens of Teyvat/allogenes

visual art like drawing/sculpting seen as most lifelike magic or something to them, so like anything u draw kinda comes to life in teyvat

writing is literally like the magic lifeblood of their planet (lines of code? like maybe thats why) and also bc it can be read by anyone

im abt to post smth abt that soon, abt how if we take teyvat this way, they literally have never read/seen a full-length novel (just really small short stories really)

so ur fanfics must seem like CLASSICS LMAO (ur 50k unfinished angst fanfic is like a webtoon for scholars and romance readers alike bc "its a romantic epic this is incredible your majesty!"💀)

☆

tysm for the ask!! sorry i didnt see this sooner, some asks get flooded out by the longer ones T-T srry again!

tysm for the meme too, hehe theyre my fav gift from askers besides any random ideas you guys have

Safe Travels Deafening Dreamer,

💀♒

☆

♡the beloveds♡

srry abt the short posts loves! longer coming soon! :)

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist / @thedevioussmirk / @the-dumber-scaramouche / @chocogi / @fallen-starr / @areaderofbooks

#genshin sagau #genshin isekai #sagau #my asks #genshin imagines #gender neutral reader #genshin impact sagau #self aware genshin #genshin sagau x reader #inconsistent tags who

[pinguwrites]

Kinktober 2023 | Day Thirty-One — Jackson Rippner + ghostface!reader

Pairing -> jackson rippner x ghostface!reader

Summary -> In this college au, Halloween is nearing its corner, only for the festive mood to be cut short when your classmate is brutally killed. As the series of murders continues, Jackson Rippner finds himself the next target, oblivious to the fact that his hunter is you, his girlfriend, the ghostface.

KINKTOBER 2023 MLIST

Warnings: mention of death, jackson being a simp

Disclaimer: Red Eye characters, plots, quotes, etc. do not belong to me and belong to the rightful owner(s). This is only fanfiction and this is just for fun.

This is just an excerpt for the full-length fic that's coming out, bc I felt like this prompt deserved something much longer than just a drabble.

A/N: not me reading over this thing after it's published and seeing all the mistakes 😭

Jackson Rippner was trying to become more romantic for you, an endeavor that started about a week ago after he noticed you liked passionate men. It was a simple conversation about fictional crushes — you know, the ones you have as a kid when he realized all the men you had pointed out were terribly lovey-dovey and all sentimental-like. A few origami roses here and there, some thoughtful gifts, maybe some poetic letters, and he was sure that he could outcompete all of them. He was the only man you needed, the only man you could ever want.

He knew how it sounded—pathetic. Since when was he the type to change himself for a girl? He was no Romeo or Jack Dawson, and he certainly didn’t want to be. He wasn’t a simpering fool, chasing after a pretty girl like it was his life’s mission, but as it turned out, he was for you. And if you liked your men romantic, then Jackson would be romantic

Starting off with whatever this was: a package of your favorite stuff. For one, two books you mentioned wanting to get but couldn’t spare the money for, which Jackson painstakingly searched through the town for. He finally found them in some niche bookstore on the outskirts of Craven, overpriced for the value—or some other equally stupid bullshit—even though he knew damn well that he could get it for half the price if he drove further into the main city. He would have, but he knew his father would get pissed if he wasted that much gas money, and fearing to face his fist, he settled for the high cost. It’s for her, so it’s worth it.

For second, and last—at least for now, some bath bombs. He made them from scratch, swiping the ingredients from around the house. He used a cedar wood scent for the essential oil, as it was the closet smell he could get to his cologne, and made three bombs, wrapped them in plastic, and put them alongside the books in the bag.

It was perfect. You were going to love it. You had to love it. How could you not?

He closed the bag and placed it on his desk, ready to go to sleep, when the landline downstairs rang. It was probably telemarketers, but it could also be his parents, who were out on date night. 

He headed downstairs and picked up the phone, but the voice on the other end caught him off guard. “Hey,” a woman said, but it didn’t sound natural. It sounded like there was a voice modulator, the ones that criminals used in those crime shows you forced him to watch.

“Hey?” Jackson responded, confused, and a little irritated.

“I know who you are.”

Jackson tried to focus on the sound of the voice. Maybe he could pick out who it was if he listened close enough, but it was a fruitless effort. It was female, but too common to tell.

“You’re the one calling me,” he said, tone laced with amusement, “I should assume so.”

“Do you know who I am?”

“A creep? A weirdo?” Jackson laughed. “A stalker? I dunno. Take your pick.”

It was quiet. For a moment, he thought the woman hung up, but then she spoke again, “A lover. I’m a lover, Jackson.”

“Good for you.” He glanced back at the package he left on his desk. He was tired, and didn’t want to deal with this right now. “Now, how about you either stop acting mysterious and tell me what you want, or I cut the call.”

“Someone’s going to die tonight, Jackson,”  the woman said. Oddly enough, Jackson felt a twinge of excitement at her words. It was oddly thrilling, and adrenaline inducing to hear such a thing. It was at this point he realized with himself that this was a prank, because who would just admit to premeditated murder? but still—it was hot. He wished you would say those things.  

“I hope it’s that girl from my English class. What’s her name? Ah, fuck, I forgot. She’s the bitchy one —all emotion. Screams every time the lights go out. You know her?”

“Yeah, I know her.”

So, she’s been on campus, Jackson thought. Following me, maybe. I can’t believe it! 

“It’s not her, though. But who knows, maybe she’ll be next. Would you like that?”

“Doll, I really don’t care. Do me a favor, and don’t call me again.”

He put the phone down and went back upstairs. What a fucking psycho. He was too tired to deal with this shit. After freshening up, he pulled the covers over himself and turned off the lamp, drifting off into a peaceful slumber.

Taglist:

@rainyforest777

@thatwitchybitch420

@madeinuk

@gentyleman

@henrywintersdearestgirl

@shroombloom-rry

@meetmeatyourworst

@mrkdvidal1989

#jackson rippner #jackson rippner x you #jackson rippner x y/n #jackson rippner x reader #cillian murphy #fanfiction #red eye #pinguwrites #kinktober 2023 #kinktober

[astatia-ghast]

The King's Quest

At last! Finally, it has come -- my 2023 Holiday Truce gift for @hailsatanacab!

You're a trooper. I'm sure it drove you crazy to wait all this time. I wanted to give you a preview on Christmas Day to tie you over, but it took too long for me to settle on how I wanted to fill this prompt. I hope you'll forgive me for the wait!

The prompt I chose is this one: "To ascend to the throne, Danny must complete a quest. This is great, because Danny doesn't want the throne! Screw the quest — Danny's hanging out with his friends and going to school like the normal boy he is! …Unfortunately, fate has other ideas. No matter what he does or how badly he tries to do the opposite, Danny just keeps fumbling his way into winning the crown."

It was a great challenge for me because while I have spent plenty of time daydreaming about the ghost king AU, I don't typically read or write fanfiction about it. This prompt helped me exit my comfort zone while still letting me work with the characters and tone I love.

Before I began to work on this, I spent a lot of time lurking on your blog to figure out what kind of fanfiction you like, and I must say, you seem like a pretty cool person. I'm glad I was paired with you!

And of course, a big thanks to @phandomholidaytruce for making this whole thing happen! It was my first time participating, and it was a delightful way to end the year.

Alright, enough thanks! On to the fic!

Read on AO3

---

"I never wanted you to find out this way."

Danny leans frozen over a basin still shimmering with the ripples of a just-disturbed future. His eyes are wide, heart pounding, vision tunneling, knuckles white around the rim.

There's no way he saw what he just saw. There's no way.

Behind him, Clockwork watches in silence. He had left the room for only a moment, and Danny had taken the opportunity to sate a curiosity that he now knows should never have been sated. He had stuck his face in the basin, and he had seen a future — a future of him.

"This is my future?"

"It is one of them."

Danny turns around. His eyes are still wide and his body shaking, but Clockwork's words are like a steadying stone he can latch on to. "So it doesn't have to be this way?"

Clockwork's lips grow thin. He rests his staff by the door he had just entered, slowly and measuredly, as if stalling for time. Even once his hands are free, the silence grows longer still; long enough for him to shift into a toddler and then an elder and then an adult again before any word breaks the stillness of the tower.

At last, he speaks. "The truth is, the clock started ticking the moment you deposed Pariah Dark. It is one future of many, but its passing has already been etched in stone."

As if in emphasis, a clock strikes eleven somewhere deep within the tower.

"You will become King."

Ectoplasmically-white petals falling from the sky. Ghostly crowds cheering. A cape. A crown. A parade. A coronation.

Daniel Jack Fenton, King of the Infinite Realms.

Even now, the tower seems to sing to him — regally, mockingly. He wonders if those ripples in the basin are cascading through the timeline, setting in place the bars that will one day imprison him.

"No. I can't be a king." A bead of sweat trails down his temple, tickling him as it goes. "I can barely deal with my life as it is. And no ghost is going to listen to me — all they want to do is attack me. I want to go to school and play video games and at least try to get into NASA. I don't want to be a king."

Clockwork's lips draw even thinner still. In the silence that follows, his gaze falls to one of his many watches, which he begins to twist idly with one hand.

"I remember many things," he says with a hushed rumble. "Pariah Dark was a great king, until he was not."

His gaze grows unfocused. The hand on his watch goes to his face, where it slowly traces his scar. Danny has never seen him do that before.

"I remember the destruction he wrought. I remember looking him in the eyes as he was shut inside his tomb."

His hand falls to his side as his gaze meets Danny's once more.

"You are more than triple the man he ever was. You would make a great king."

Danny's hands go to his head, where his fingers thread through his hair. He takes a step backward in some subconscious attempt to get away from Clockwork and this — this lie, but he runs into the basin still shimmering behind him. Its pedestal rocks dangerously, and Danny wants to scream enough for his Ghostly Wail to take over and shatter the wretched thing into pieces.

But instead of screaming, a fire bursts into life within him. He meets Clockwork's gaze afresh with blazing eyes. "No. I'm not going to become King. You're going to have to find a new future, because that one is not coming true."

Clockwork's expression turns into something like pity. It's enough to quiet the fire for a beat — just a beat, though. "Danny." He drifts forward until the two of them are within reaching distance. He lifts his hands as if to place them on Danny's shoulders, but then he seems to reconsider it and clasps them in front of himself instead. "The Realms have been heralding your arrival since the dawn of my work. You are going to become King."

Danny says nothing. The fire crackles in protest, but it doesn't know what to burn.

Clockwork sighs. He raises one of those hands he dropped before, and at last, it makes contact with Danny's shoulder. "If it helps, it's not going to happen right away. There is a quest you must complete before you take the throne. You can—"

"A quest?" Danny's eyebrows fly up. He latches onto this thread like a rope draped over a cliffside.

"Yes, a quest. Before any monarch can ascend, they must—"

A bark of laughter escapes Danny's throat, and then a font of mad cackling bubbles up behind it. He cackles like a man unhinged, having found the simple yet ingenious solution to all his woes.

Clockwork's eyebrows knit together. "Danny—"

"Don't you get it?!" he jeers. "If I don't know what the quest is, I can't become King!"

Clockwork grows stern. He says his name again — "Danny" — and this time it's clear he wants him to quit laughing and sit down and listen, but Danny isn't having it. He's already lifting himself up into the air and away.

"Start checking your futures, Clockwork, because you missed one! I'm not becoming King!"

Clockwork reaches out as if to restrain him, but the fire finally explodes. Danny violently pushes him away with ectoplasmically-charged hands, keeping one ectoblast at the ready for good measure.

"Stay. Away." His voice is charged in a way that it has rarely ever been before. An otherworldly chill dampens the room. Clockwork is far too powerful a ghost to be affected by it, but if any human had been in this room, they would be screaming.

Clockwork gets the message. He watches with trepidation as Danny flies away.

---

Danny returns to Amity Park determined to slide right back into his normal life and pretend like that moment in the tower never happened. To forget about what he saw — petals, a cape, a crown — is impossible, but hell if he's not going to try his hardest to stay as far away as possible from anything even remotely king-like.

And so he does. He goes to school, fights ghosts, gets bad grades, listens to his parents' mad-scientist ramblings, plays video games, sleeps over at Sam and Tucker's houses, and generally lives exactly the life he'd rather live.

And he doesn't visit Clockwork in all that time, either. It pains him, as he enjoys Clockwork's company a lot and had even become something of an apprentice to him, but he can't risk subjecting himself to some well-intentioned lecture about the virtues of being King.

…Plus, he did kind of assault him and run away. Clockwork probably isn't very happy with him. But apologies would have to wait — for some future in which he isn't King.

School. Ghost fights. Bad grades. Mad-scientist ramblings. Video games. Sleepovers.

Life goes on.

---

Sometime after Danny defeats Undergrowth, Sam drags him along to the Amity Park Botanic Gardens. Well, "drags" is a strong word — he's grateful for any excuse to hang out with Sam — but still, the thought of visiting a botanic garden and admiring plants in the wake of Undergrowth's reign of terror is insane. He expresses as much, but Sam insists that that's all the more reason to visit, as both of them need to unravel their new Pavlovian fear of perfectly innocent plant life.

Plus, apparently admissions are way down — surprise, surprise — and Sam wants to help them out before the dip in finances forces them to shutter. Fair enough.

She tried to get Tucker to come along too, but there was zero chance of getting him through the doors even before Undergrowth gifted the whole city with a healthy dose of botanophobia. So that fine day finds the two of them alone in the Gardens' newly-opened orchid exhibit, Danny antsily resisting the temptation to reach out and hold her hand.

Under the canopy lush with tropical leaves, it's hard not to feel cocooned — in a way that feels remarkably warm and safe. Everywhere they look, orchids peer back, bright and colorful with every color of the rainbow. There are big orchids and small orchids, potted orchids hanging from the limbs of towering trees, orchids that look like pinecones, orchids that look like neat tufts of fur, orchids with stripes and orchids with whiskers.

To Sam's very great credit, the exhibit is astounding, and even his shriveled, technology-loving heart can't help but marvel and be thankful that she convinced him to come here.

In time, he finds himself growing drowsy. It's like the peace and beauty of the place is infectious, to the point where his heart rate seems to slow. Eventually, he turns to Sam and asks, "Would you like to lay down?"

She agrees, and the two of them pick one of the few spots in the exhibit not overtaken by stone pathways or lush vegetation. They spend a few minutes chatting about something or other, but in time, they lapse into a peaceful silence, and Danny begins to space out.

He stares up at the canopy. The sunlight, so radiant and soft, seems to sparkle as it filters through the roof of the greenhouse and the tropical leaves below. Somewhere, a stream gurgles.

And there is a song. It takes a moment for him to realize that he's hearing it, but once he does, it's unquestionably there. It's distant and peaceful, echoing, like standing outside the door of a lofty cathedral while a choir sings inside. Sluggishly, he looks around, and as his lazy eyes focus on the beautiful strands of a white orchid, he is suddenly positive that the song is coming from them. From the orchids. From all the plants in the greenhouse, and perhaps even beyond. He doesn't know how he knows, but he knows.

He falls into a trance, enjoying the song, until suddenly, there is a sharp poke on his shoulder. He sluggishly turns his head to see Sam, who has clearly been trying to get his attention.

"Earth to ghost boy. Anyone home?"

Danny blinks a few times, but his eyes are reluctant to focus. He feels like he just surfaced from a dream. "Sorry. I was just… It's nice in here."

Sam chuckles. "You're really enjoying yourself, huh? Way more than I thought you would."

Danny chuckles too. "Yeah. You were right. I'm glad you convinced me to come here."

Now that his mind is clearing up, it slowly begins to dawn on him how utterly bizarre the last several minutes were. Plants? Singing to him? Surely he's just imagining things — he wants to believe that's the case — but no. Somehow, he's sure. Those plants were singing to him.

Maybe a touch of Undergrowth's power is still in them, like some sort of ectoplasmic residue? That's the only explanation he can think of, and it makes sense, since these very same plants were undoubtedly enthralled by the ghost just a few weeks ago. But why were they singing?

He decides not to tell Sam. He doesn't know why, but it just feels like something he should keep to himself, and not just because it sounds crazy. So he files it under "ghost thing" and leaves it at that. 

It's not until he's watching a video in history class a few days later that he realizes that the song sounded an awful lot like a coronation song.

---

Something similar happens after he defeats Nocturn. Three sleepless nights after he sends the ghost back to the Ghost Zone, he's finally too tired to care whether or not he will show up in his dreams again the moment he closes his eyes.

As he slips into the twilight zone between wakefulness and sleep, ensconced in a darkness broken by one particularly annoying street light, his dreams turn into something… odd.

Before him, he sees seven creatures like Nocturn — tall, dark and starry, like the night sky made manifest. He slips into a ready position, poised to either fight or run, but instead of attacking, they bring their palms together and bow, all seven in unison. And then there is at once a horde of similar creatures behind them, stretching as far as the eye can see, bringing their palms together and bowing in turn.

He wakes in a cold sweat. No. There's no way. There's no way this king thing is still following him. That couldn't be real.

He spends the next day convincing himself it was just a dream, but really, he knows better.

---

The moments keep piling up. When he defeats Vortex, the clouds seem to part for him wherever he goes. When he returns Pandora's box, an ornate jewelry box mysteriously appears on his desk, which, when opened, reveals cavernous, physics-defying depths. Danny grows increasingly concerned that the ghosts have waived his quest and are pledging their fealty to him anyway.

When Clockwork appears in his bedroom one night, nearly a full year since their fight in his tower, Danny is no longer nervous to see him. Actually, he's quite relieved, since at this point, the only thing he's concerned about is getting answers.

"Would you like to have a chat?" Clockwork asks with a smile that almost seems sheepish.

It's a non-question, of course; Danny goes readily, and he's sure that Clockwork knew that he would.

Entering the tower is almost like coming home. A calm quiet; ticking; cavernous rooms cast in shadow — the whole place seems to envelop him in a hug, and briefly, Danny feels tears prick at the corners of his eyes. The past several months have been stressful. He regrets the way he treated Clockwork the last time he was here, and he regrets that he didn't have the maturity to return much earlier.

But Clockwork is ever calm and welcoming, and Danny finds thankfulness shooing away the regret in his heart. What a remarkable person Clockwork is.

The two of them stop in the same room with the basin, whose waters stand completely still. At first, Danny thinks Clockwork is going to encourage him to revisit his future, but instead, he opens a cabinet standing against the opposite wall. As he reaches inside, he says, "I have something for you."

Danny waits, more than a little curious and struggling to resist the urge to see if his coronation is still in the basin. When Clockwork turns around, he's carrying a necklace — not unlike the medallions he uses to take people out of time, but much more ornate. Gently and in silence, he drapes the necklace around Danny's neck. Once it settles, he rests his palms against Danny's chest, in a way that makes Danny think something weighty is about to come.

Their eyes meet. "You recall what I said before, yes? That there is a quest you must complete?"

"Yes."

Clockwork smooths out the wrinkles on Danny's shoulders, and then his hands just stay there. "There is a reason I tried to restrain you. By refusing to learn the quest, you expedited its completion."

Everything in Danny goes cold.

"The quest was to either defeat or receive the approval of all seven of the Ancients: Pariah Dark, Frostbite, Undergrowth, Nocturn, Vortex, Pandora and myself. And you have done so for all of them — including me."

A rushing sound fills Danny's ears.

"You have had my approval since even before Pariah Dark was granted the throne. So with the bestowing of Pandora's gift, you have become King."

The necklace feels heavy around Danny's neck — a necklace he now realizes is a coronation gift.

"I am sorry, Danny. But I stand by what I said before: you will make a great king."

Clockwork pulls him in for a hug, and Danny goes willingly. His wailing fills the tower.

Somewhere deep inside, a clock strikes twelve.

---

Ectoplasmically-white petals falling from the sky. Ghostly crowds cheering. A cape. A crown. A parade. A coronation.

Danny's knuckles go white around his scepter, just as they did around the basin all those months ago.

Daniel Jack Fenton, King of the Infinite Realms.

---

(Yes, I may have warped the timeline of Season 3 just a little bit. Clockwork will be waiting in the lobby to take your complaints! :þ)

#Danny Phantom #Phandom Truce 2023 #The King’s Quest #fanfiction #phanphiction #Danny Fenton #Clockwork #Lost Time #ghost king #Astatia Writing #It feels so good to use the “Astatia Writing” tag again. <3

[purplephloxpress]

It's August 21, which means: Happy Fanfiction Writers Appreciation Day! If you are a writer of fanfic, please know just how appreciated you are!! Fandom would be such a different space without your creativity and labors of love. 💜

In celebration of this most glorious holiday, @renegadepublishing ran an event where we bind copies of fics to gift to their authors, and I had the joy of binding The Tranquility of Water for @noppoh! It's a truly fantastic post-canon story and I love the exploration into the effects of the main story on its characters after the fact. (This is a story I love so much that I wrote up a page and a half crash course on The Untamed so I can try to force my sibling into reading it as well. Take that as you will)

The walls of the Hanshi creep in on him and so Lan Xichen leaves. He leaves Cloud Recesses and his seclusion, stealing away in the night with no-one the wiser that he even left. His feet bring him to Lotus Pier where a surprisingly kind Jiang Cheng seems determined to help him heal.

With a title like "Tranquility of Water" and the story largely taking place at Lotus Pier, I may have been a little heavy handed with the lotus imagery throughout the book, but it felt very fitting! The lotus on the cover was a last minute addition, but one that turned out so lovely. Just, you know, to tie everything together lotus-wise. (Another one of my favorite design details in the typeset is that both title fonts from the chapter headers and title page get repeated within the text of the story as the main characters handwriting fonts!)

I started the physical binding process of my copy while at the Renegade Retreat in April (and decided the week before that I wanted to change my body font... can you say formatting speedrun?) and up until that point I hadn't actually figured out what the cover and endpages were going to look like. Special thanks to everyone who contributed pieces to this binding (and who moral-supported me along the way -- my copy holds so many fun memories now) because it LITERALLY would not look like this without you all. I really love the way the color transitions worked out, with a predominantly blue/green case, fading into green, into pink, into the title page, and then transitioning back out at the end of the book.

And these endbands!! Friends, that is SILK embroidery floss that a friend brought to the retreat especially so I could experience the decadence of silk endbands. I will never be the same. (They're so smooth... so shiny... so slippery to work with, but SO WORTH IT)

(Binding details under the cut)

The pieces that went into this bind:

Fandom: The Untamed/Mo Dao Zu Shi

Pairing: Jiang Cheng | Jiang Wanyin / Lan Huan | Lan Xichen

Bookcloth: Renegade Retreat Swap Table Special (I have no idea what it is, but it was just enough to make a copy for myself and the author and the color worked PERFECTLY!)

Cover paper: Opal Momi paper

Cover paper: Opal Momi paper

Endpapers: from the Craft Consortium Ink Drops - Dusk paper pack

Titling: foil quill

Endbands: leather cording core, silk embroidery floss for the bands

Body font: EB Garamond

Title fonts: Wintersoul and Bastian

Handwriting fonts: Bastian (Lan Xichen), Richardson Script (Lan Wangji), and Wintersoul (Jiang Cheng)

Tumblr insists on eating and doubling text in this section at its own whim, so if there's something missing that you're curious about, feel free to DM me an ask!

#ffwad #renegadelovesfic #fanfiction writers appreciation day #renegade bindery #ficbinding #fanbinding #purplephloxpress #adventures in bookbinding #the untamed #mdzs #xicheng #noppoh

[pynkgothicka]

Ｈｏｗ Ｔｈｅｙ Ｓｐｏｉｌ Ｙｏｕ

Synopsis - Just little Hcs for my envisioning of yandere! Bts

Tags and Warnings - SEX. Mentions of punishment I believe???

Authors Note - Something to hold y'all off while I get through this tae fic I got cooking

A friendly reminder that all my works are dark fanfiction! Please if you do not like that do not read them! This is your final warning before hitting the keep reading button!!

Jin

Gifts! Praise! Cooking!

Its literally his favorite thing to do, he doesn't really enjoy being mean and punishing you.

All he wants is a perfect relationship and that's all.

Something he really enjoys is putting on 50’s love songs and slow dancing with you in the living room. Its something he cherishes, as it gives some resemblance of normalcy when it came to the taboiness of your relationship.

“Oh! You like this stuff? I’m glad I love putting in that extra push just for you, now come on finish eating, I have a nice bath set up just for us.”

Namjoon

He spoils with love and attention

Being such a busy man, he finds time to hunker down with you and cuddle. Your presence often bringing him comfort.

He wouldn't dare have it any different. Especially if you'd been so good for him.

He also sometimes after a hard day at work comes home with a bouquet of roses and other nick knacks he knows only youd appreciate.

“I called in, I just don't feel like going in… I wanna spend some time with my baby…”

Yoongi

Sex.

That's all.

Literally just fucks you senseless, pushing you into overstimulation.

Yeah sometimes he’ll massage you, but that's just so he can get his hands on you enough to hint at what he actually wants.

“That feels good huh? There's so much more where that came from. I gotta reward you for being such a good girl.”

Hoseok

Trips!

If he's seen how good you've been and he gets some time off, you better expect him to come home and tell you to pack up.

He loves suspense too. He will keep up that suspense and surprise of where he's taking you for as long as he can. Just for fun in fact sometimes

Plus it's just you and him trapped in some foreign unknown place! It's just perfect in his eyes.

“Aw my little sugar plum, I'm glad you got everything packed. Me your going to love this vacation I promise.”

Jimin

He will smother you with just him.

He's overbearing and clingy so expect tons of cuddles just out of the blue.

If he's not cuddling you hes taking you out on dates. But more intimate dates like picnics

The two combined is almost identical to heaven for him

“Aw come here, I wanna hold you forever. You've been so good, you know how much I love it when your good for me.”

Taehyung

Gifts. And when I say gifts I mean it.

He has so much money, so why not spend it all on you?

Necklaces, Dresses, Shoes. Anything you could ever want

Sometimes it's things you've asked for or referenced wanting. But others and majority of the time it's things he thinks would look good on you. Then he has you model it all afterwards

You better make a good choice of what you try on last, because Taehyung is so riled up he's going to tear it off and then fuck you senseless

“Fuck you got me all worked up baby, you should come over here and help solve that problem.”

Jungkook

It's really a mix between fucking and taking you out

Sure sometimes he's in a big show off just how good my baby is being mood and takes you out to hang with him and his friends

But he has rules (you have to stick him 24/7 yada yada)

But then whenever he's not in a going out mood he's in a fuck you til you can only remember his name type of mood

“And whose been such a good fucking slut? Yeah that's right, only you… just you.”

#tw yandere #yandere #yandere x reader #yandere blog #yandere jhope #yandere jungkook #yandere jjk #yandere park jimin #yandere jimin #yandere rm #yandere namjoon #yandere bts

[sakuraryomen01]

Valentino /Sukuna Ryomen x Female Reader/ .o7

warnings: asshole sukuna, college prep. school (aka bitch u at an expensive ass school), former friends to lovers, slow burned love, yuji is sukuna's little brother, sukuna gets a hangover + sick!, being ignored(-ish???), talking about that kiss, pizza and wings with your roomie [brief]

reader: female reader; 23 years of age, college prep.

plot: It's been years since you've moved from country life, since you've forgotten about all the things you used to love about your hometown and where you grew up from... you didn't think it'd chase you to college in the city after almost a decade..

words: 3.826k

fanfic masterlist: .o1 .o2 .o3 .o4 .o5 .o6 .o7 .o8 .o9 .10 .11 .12 .13 .14 .15 .16 .17 .18 .19 .20

a/n:: I started writing this chapter while I was finishing up chapter .o6 lolol!! also, tell me if u're not getting tagged in the chapters so that i can fix it! thx for the support and i hope you guys enjoy reading this fanfiction to the end! ❤

~~

Thank you for reading this bit! Enjoy~

. . .

After you had woken up from last night in Sukuna’s arms, you got up to take a small shower. Even though you didn’t want to think about it, it made its way into your mind. What Sukuna had said, the way he touched your body and kissed your neck. Why he mumbled little things like “you’re mine” made your heart ache.

How could you give up on Sukuna when he says things like that?

Reaching down to grab some shampoo, you slick your hair back and start to lather the soapy substance into your hair. You lift your head back and scrub all the worries and thoughts from your mind. 

But wishing the thoughts away, or the touches you shared, wasn’t going to change anything. Yes, you managed to defuse the situation, but it wasn’t with a little work. 

Sukuna’s mumbling replayed in your mind as you finished washing last night’s events off. Quickly grabbing one of his shirts to borrow and wearing your pants from the night before, you went to his kitchen and looked for something that’d be good for a hangover and breakfast. 

You had managed to find some eggs and bacon, adding in some coffee as a drink for Sukuna. Eventually, the sounds of Sukuna showering surfaced as you were plating the meal and adding some butter to a slab of toast you just finished toasting.

"Morning," You heard Sukuna grumble from the hallway. 

Seeing that he was clearly hungover and hungry, you guided him to his living room and placed his meal and coffee onto the coffee table in front of him. Also giving him a pat on the back, you went to grab your food to join him. He wasn’t visibly upset by the events of the other night, making you wonder if he really cared at all what happened.

Wasn’t it nerve wracking for him too? Didn’t it make him upset or nervous?

You didn’t get your answer for another few days. Not a text, nor a call. Even during classes, Sukuna was either not attending or he was taking a sick day. It worried you, since he had started skipping his tutoring lessons too. Concerned for his health, and all around well-being, you decided that stopping by with a few gifts would make him feel better.

After classes and work, you took another moment to send Sukuna a text that you’d be stopping by for a few minutes with some Advil for his headache. Although you felt it was cringey, you grabbed him some stomach medicine as well, making your way over to the male’s dorm a little after 10:30 pm.

You knocked on the door of Sukuna’s dorm and patiently waited for some kind of sign that he was home, and awake. Though, you doubted after a while of waiting. Making you wonder if he was intentionally ignoring you after the kiss. You didn’t blame him, if you kissed him and told him he was yours, you’d want to stop talking to him out of embarrassment. 

“Sukuna?” You tried after a minute or two of waiting, knocking again before there was a click and the door began to slowly creak open.

Seeing a tired, and disgruntled Sukuna behind it, with messy hair and hoods under his eyes, you let out a small coo of pity. He looked worn out and stressed, making you feel guilty for making him look like this. Sukuna, though, took a breath and mumbled a small greeting before letting you into his home.

“I’m sorry about not going to class,” He finally said, as if to defuse the awkwardness between you. “I haven’t been feeling well, I might’ve caught some bug.”

“Oh, really?” You asked, looking around the living room and seeing tissues strewn across the couch and coffee table. “I thought it was something else. Sorry for bothering you, I just came to tell you about the assignments you were missing.”

Sukuna hummed, sitting back down on his small throne of warm blankets and dirty tissues. “Ah, alright. I noticed you texted me too. Did you really bring Advil? It’d help right about now..”

You nod and sit next to Sukuna on the couch, handing him the bag you brought with you. Inside sat a small container of Advil, a bottle of water, some quick and easy to make chicken noodle soup. He looked at the bag’s contents before handing you the soup and taking out the water and medicine.

“Can you make this for me?” He asked, opening the Advil and water, taking a pill and a sip before laying back on the pillow he had under his head. “You can make yourself something too, but I haven’t been shopping yet.”

“Oh, that’s fine,” You said, standing and heading to the kitchen. “I’ll go out while you’re asleep to get you some things!”

You heard a grunt of disapproval that made you giggle, grabbing a pot from the cupboard and turning on the heat. Turning your attention to Sukuna, you see him lying face up with a pained expression. He looked more tired and ill than you’ve ever seen him before; even as a child it was hard for Sukuna to even get something small. 

Half the time, you thought he was invincible while you got the cold a lot during the snowy season. 

“The soup should be done in a few minutes,” You announced, walking around the living room and gathering the dirty tissues that littered the room. Grimacing, Sukuna nodded as you got closer. “Let me get your temperature too, just to be safe.”

“Fine,” He grumbled, taking a few steady breaths as you sat down and pressed a cold hand to his forehead. “Mm, your hand feels really nice.”

“‘Cause you’re burning up!” You exclaimed, quickly standing to grab the chicken noodle soup and return with a bowl prepared for Sukuna to eat. “Here, eat some of this okay? I’ll go get you some food for your fridge.”

Sukuna shook his head, sitting up to start eating. “No, that’s fine. I already feel pathetic for your help enough.”

Pathetic? Sukuna? Nah, that couldn’t be true.

“Don’t get all stubborn and pissy with me,” You said, a firm frown placed on your face as Sukuna ate. “Just because you’re sick doesn’t make you pathetic.”

There was a distant look that crossed Sukuna’s face before he went quiet and put down the bowl of soup. “It’s not that I’m sick.”

After waiting for a few minutes for an explanation, you dropped the conversation even though you knew exactly what he was talking about. That kiss. He probably regretted it, or thought what he said was stupid and childish. You pat Sukuna’s shoulder as he looks up at you, a confused expression now on his face.

“Now’s not the best time to talk about that,” You muttered, smiling warmly at the grumpy man. “You need to focus on getting better, and then tutoring for the next few days. Alright?”

Sukuna slowly nods, taking in your words. You didn’t need an explanation right now. Waiting a little while wouldn’t kill you.

“..Okay,” Sukuna muttered, finishing his food and laying back down. Watching you stand and gather your things before leaving the small apartment like home. 

You left the male’s dorm to go grab some more medicine when you got a text message. Quickly, you climbed into your car and picked up your phone. It was from Yuji. Thinking back, it had been almost a month since you had last spoken to him on the phone. That is, if you included all the studying you were doing for tests and such. 

Yuji- Hey, Y/n! I was wanting to ask you something about Sukuna?

You tilted your head in confusion, wondering if Sukuna had told him about what happened. Maybe he did? No, he’d probably keep something like that secret. Then again, you barely know him now. You’d never know.

You- Yeah? What’s up?

You also added another small excuse for your absence and you almost immediately got a response. The conversation started with Yuji asking about Sukuna’s grades, which you thought were pretty tame and understandable, so you told him point blank what was happening.

You- Sukuna’s kinda struggling in some classes, so my professor asked for me to tutor him. He’s getting better though. Did he tell you he got sick at all?

Yuji- Ah man! That explains it I suppose… I was wondering where he went after telling me what happened between y’all. ><;;

And just like that, you knew your suspicions were confirmed. With a sigh, you asked what he meant for confirmation:

Yuji- He told me about that party. He said something to a guy named Fushiguro about you and him. It was a really random convo, but I thought you knew already?

You were kind of confused for a moment, although you did see them talking you assumed it was about something else. Never did you think it was about you and Sukuna. Starting up the car, you dialed Yuji’s number and waited for him to answer. After a few moments, Yuji’s cheerful voice rang from your phone and you put the device to your cheek. Pulling out of the parking lot, you ask Yuji what Sukuna had talked about.

“It’s the first time we’ve talked on a phone!” Yuji chuckled. “A little weird, but I think I’ll get used to it, haha!”

You laughed with Yuji, starting to drive to the drug store. “I know, it’s a little weird for me too.”

There was a small silence before Yuji brought up the conversation Sukuna had with him.

“He told me that Fushiguro gave him some advice about y’alls relationship. Something like, ‘Just tell her what you’re feeling’, I think. Knowing my brother though, he’d keep all those feelings inside, and nudging him would just piss him off.”

You nodded, as if Yuji would see it, pulling into the parking lot of a local grocery store. The lights were dim, but it was quite apparent to you that it was still open. You unbuckled yourself and stepped out of the car, quickly putting your keys away and making note of what to buy.

“Sorry if this is really sudden, but..” You mumbled, walking through the rows of parked cars and vacant spots, lowering your voice slightly. “How were you and Sukuna after I left?”

You were rewarded with a small silence, a sigh and then a response: “It’s complicated.”

“I can handle complicated things, Yuji.”

He grumbled, but you understood why. The situation that they were in while you all lived there was rather harsh. Sukuna and Yuji’s dad was in a constant drunken state, making your parents worry a little about your safety and their’s. Often offering help to the boys whenever they needed a break from their father’s yelling and abuse. Although they couldn’t take Sukuna and Yuji in, they ended up like their second parents. 

Sukuna and Yuji loved your parents as much as they adored you, and it filled you with guilt now that you were unable to mend things for the past. Even though you couldn’t, you were determined to make it up to Sukuna, to Yuji. 

Half of you felt like you were trying to mend your own broken ego, but the other half was telling you that you owed it to them. Unable to swallow down that guilt, you began to accept it as Yuji started to talk to you about the events that transpired after your move.

“While I didn’t have many problems other than our old man, Sukuna kinda..” Yuji trailed, exhaling probably a lot of emotions he didn’t want to feel. “He went out of control, really.

“He got into lots of fights at school, got suspended a lot. Sometimes, he’d yell at me when he wasn’t in a good mood. Started smoking with the older kids. It was a lot for him.”

There was another pause as you got into the shopping area, pushing a cart in front of you and looking at the items that lined the shelves. Looking from ramen to other assorted things you felt were alright, you began to pile some basic things into the cart.

“Sukuna almost dropped out,” Yuji cut into your train of thought, making you stop suddenly in shock. Phone shaking in your hand and making some passerby glance at you with a confused and concerned look on their faces. “He didn’t, don’t worry. He made it to college, didn’t he?”

You pressed your brows and lips together and a frustrated pout. He’s barely passing though. He was gone for a lot of the year and is taking even more sick days right now. 

You didn’t tell Yuji this, seeing as it’d worry him. “Y/n?”

“Sorry, I’m shopping right now,” You say sheepishly, laughing weakly as you make your way over to another aisle and looking through a bunch of small pre-made meals that Sukuna might enjoy. “Go ahead, continue.”

“Alright.” Yuji responded, although he whined about bothering you which made you smile. “So, now, I suppose you can say that he’s doing well. He’s still smoking and shit, but that’s expected since it’s a habit. He’s working on it though.”

You let out a small hum, looking through the protein section, gathering what you thought would be good for some breakfast meat. Once Yuji voiced his concern about your silence, you reassured that you were alright.

“I promise, Yu.” You said, stopping once again as you continued to chat on the phone. “Sorry for bringing that stuff up again for you, I know it can be a little hard to talk about it–”

“It’s okay,” Yuji says in an attempt to calm you, with a boyish giggle ringing out from your speaker. “To be completely honest, it helped me relax a little while talking about it. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

A burn in your heart rested heavy in your chest. The feeling of guilt and worry made you ache, knowing that Sukuna had every right to want nothing to do with you. But the gratitude you felt for it was unimaginable. It was like it lifted your spirits, knowing Sukuna was still there to help if something went wrong. Yuji and you continued to talk on the phone for another few minutes– more like an hour or so –until you were in line to purchase your items. 

Once you got to the cashier, you smiled. “I’ll see ya soon, Yuji.”

“Mhm, c’ya!”

“Having a good day, hun?” said the woman at the register. Her messy dark hair up in a very loose bun. Her dark eyes shimmering with a sleepy delight. 

“Yea, it’s alright so far,” You answered as she started scanning your items. Looking through your pocket, you pulled out your wallet and began looking for your card. “I’ll be paying with a card.”

She nods at this, bagging things up as she rang your receipt and total. In the midst of this, you looked down at the shirt that you had borrowed from Sukuna. Realizing quickly that you still needed to return it even if you didn’t really want to. It smelled just like him, an almost calming smell that made your heart flutter.

“22.35 is your payment.”

Running the card through the small scanner, you started grabbing bags and piled them back into the cart. Tugging at the ends of the large shirt and pushing the shopping cart outside to where you parked. It had been almost twenty minutes since you got to the store when your phone buzzed with a notification in your back pocket. 

You got back into the vehicle and paused to look at the message, seeing Sukuna’s name on your lock screen. “He texted me?”

He’s so sick, I hope he doesn’t end up pushing himself..

The text consisted of a small thank you and to text him when you were finished. While you didn’t think it was much, you decided to text him back. 

You– I just got finished. I’ll be coming by shortly. I need to return your shirt to you too lol

Starting up the engine once again you pulled out of the parking spot, making your way over to the main road and turning on your blinker. Your phone buzzed again, but you decided to wait until you got to your college before looking at it. Thoughts raced through your head as you drove back home.

What should you tell Sukuna when you see him? Apologizing wouldn’t do much since it’s already too late, it’d be worth the shot though. You sigh, slowing down as you near your destination. 

Sitting in the car quietly and taking a moment to breath and work through all the events that’s happened. You pick up your phone and see Sukuna’s name again, unlocking the device and going to messages to see his text.

Sukuna– Keep it. I’ve been meaning to get rid of it anyways.

There was a small tingle in your body, a shiver that ran up your spine. Unable to make out what this shiver was, you looked down at the dark clothing piece. Seeing an old band name with a few small holes in the bottom of the shirt around the hem, ending just at your mid thigh. It was worn out, a random shirt you grabbed, but it felt like it was more than that to you. 

You responded with a small okay, quickly getting out of the car and collecting the groceries. It took a few tries, but you managed to get all the things you purchased up to the male’s dorm. 

“Sukuna, I’m back,” Knocking on the door, you waited for a few moments with shaky arms. The weight of all the food was making you tired at this point, and when Sukuna opened the door you rushed inside to put the bags on the counter.

“Haahh!! Finally!”

 A shocked expression was written on the sick man’s face mixed with an amused smirk. He closed the door and made his way over to you, looking through all the bags and then at you, taking in your panting figure and chuckling weakly.

 “I told you before, you didn’t need to do this.”

“Shush, just accept it,” You sighed, with a small smile on your face in return. 

Sukuna rolled his eyes and put down the blanket that covered him on the couch before he started helping you put up things. You bickered and whined about him helping you, but he told you it didn’t matter and that it’d be done faster if he helped. Reluctantly, you agreed and continued putting things in the fridge.

After everything was put away, you turned back and bumped into Sukuna. His maroon eyes angled downward, connecting with yours. Silence clouded over you and him, the air becoming thick again as you both stood in the middle of his kitchen.

“Y’know that it was nothing, right?” He eventually mumbled, his breathing low and voice deep. Sukuna’s words made your stomach churn, an uncomfortable feeling that you didn’t really like boiling in the pit of your gut.

You averted your eyes, pressing your lips together and breaking eye contact. Despite your silence, he continued, crossing his arms as well. “I was drunk, and acted without thinking.”

“..Thought so,” You mumbled quietly, clasping your hands behind your back. “I’ll see you later.”

It had been days since it had happened, and bringing it up so suddenly made you uncomfortable. Your heart ached, your stomach hurt. Everything was in pain. It tore you to bits, but you understood where he was coming from.

He doesn’t want me to get my hopes up.

So, after you had gotten your things and said a quick goodbye, you headed over to your dorm. A heavy heart laid bare in your chest, an ache that you felt wouldn’t be able to heal by tomorrow. With each step farther and farther away from him made the strings inside pluck a sad tune. You had denied you wanted any sort of thing for Sukuna, and for it to be returned, but even so you felt the pain was too much. Too much for your fragile heart, weak mind.

Unlocking the door to your home, you pushed open the door to the smell of pizza and chicken.

“Shoko?” You try, taking a few steps inside and looking around before spotting her in the kitchen. “What are you doing?”

“Just getting some things made for you.” She answered, pushing a place of your favorite pizza and some hot wings with ranch towards you on the counter. “You were missing for a few days, hun. Got me wondering what happened to you.”

With a distasteful sigh, you grab the plate and make your way into the living room and she follows. Sitting on the couch with you and waiting silently to hear any form of a response. You didn’t want to talk, but letting the heartache sit and fester like a disease wouldn’t do you any good.

“I visited Sukuna,” You finally mumble, taking a bite of pizza and letting the flavors sit in your mouth for a moment before swallowing. “He’s sick, so I brought him a few things and some food.”

“...And?” She pressed, scooting closer while her show continued to play on the T.V.

“And nothing. I just said goodbye and will see him later.”

The response obviously didn’t make her happy, her brows pressing together slightly before she huffed and rested her cheek on your fist. Letting her elbow hang from the top of the couch, relaxing her body into the cushions. “That’s odd. Aren’t y’all a thing?”

You cringed. Getou probably said something like that. No, Gojo.

“No. Just friends.”

Shoko shrugged, stealing one of your wings and looking at the T.V. “You two looked like you were dating.”

Whatever that meant, you didn’t let it get to you. No matter how much it made you blush or it made the feelings in your tummy churn. “You and Getou have lost brain cells.”

After you had eaten and said goodnight to Shoko, you made your way into the bathroom and got into the shower. Washing your hair and face, making sure to try and relax despite the fact Shoko’s words didn’t leave you. 

“You two looked like you were dating.”

She’s just seeing things then! You said to yourself, pouting your lip a little. Her and Getou acted like a couple too, but it’s not like they were actually dating. They were just fuck buddies that got high together whenever he visited. 

Sukuna and I are too different to be dating.

Sukuna doesn’t forgive me either.

Once dried off and dressed, you went into your bedroom to sleep. But sleep wouldn’t come easily when you felt a sting in your chest and a never ending flow of nightmares that kept you on your toes. 

a/n: i've been worried that my tagging isn't really working >_>;;; but i'll try retagging as many as possible so that you guys get the reading you wanted! ik chapter .o6 was a lot, seeing as we've got a long way to go before the ending, but i wanted some action so that it doesn't get too boring and plain. anyways, thx for the support and hope to see you guys soon! ❤

Chapter Song Theme: — Stela Cole - Love Like Mine (Lyrics) - YouTube

taglist: @mageyboo, @mzladyd , @mysticwonderlandangel, @sukunaspersonalfleshlight, @kawaiipenguin20, @k-indie, @okkotsufav, @cafeinthemoon93, @pulchritxde, @bontenbunny, @deepinballs, @kleeboomed, @fallenfeversstuff, @fiierytearzx, @wo-ming-bai, @ririkaxbz, @instantgalaxysheep, @watyousayin, @z3r0art, @sukunaobsessed, @lik0, @sukunasfirstlove, @princesstiti14, @nemoyr, @ladywolf44005, @cat-mak20, @coffee-on-a-rainyautumn, @hxlalokidottir, @instantgalaxysheep, @domainofmarie, @the-moongoddess, @dark-n-dirty-duchess, @agentdedf1sh, @sukunastoy, @lyn-soso, @bao-yu-sarah-morningstar-wang-9, @heyitstacy, @lost-in-tokyo, @marksassybanana, @bozos-r-us, @gumis-girl, @p-3-4-c-h, @chaoticqueen33, @dxxny-loves-u, @l0tus-n-l0ve, @jiordeci

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#ryoumen sukuna #sukuna x reader #sukuna icons #ryomen sukuna #sukuna #sukuna ryomen #sukuna ryomen x female reader #sukuna ryomen x female reader smut #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jjk smut #jujustu kaisen #jujutsu #anime #sukuna jjk #jjk manga spoilers #yuuji itadori #sukuna ryomen x reader #sukuna ryomen smut #sukuna ryoumen x you #sukuna ryoumen smut #sukuna ryoumen x reader #sukuna fanfic #valentino fanfiction #Valentino Fanfiction

[bingusbongu]

A/n: hello again! This wasnt a request but something i wanted to write myself! Personally, i love these two silly guys, and ive been reading some good fanfiction about them and GOD do i kin these two, so i hope you enjoy:))) sorry its so long! And maybe abit ooc-

Tw: nothing! Just absolute tooth rotting fluff:)

Sun and Moon dating headcanons!

___________

Sun

• the golden retriever boyfriend

• goodness, if you two end up becoming a couple, this clingy animatronic would be attached to your hip constantly, you cannot get him away even if you tried, itll take a huge force for Sun to be seperated from you

• he respects your boundries! Of course he does! He wants you to be comfortable! He cant have his favorite person in the whole world uncomfortable! He does eveything to make sure you are comfy around him, he knows how off putting he can be amd scary, he had accidengly scared a few people in his time as attendant

• though, if you tell him you dong mind hugs or dont mind him being touchy, it would take abit of reassurance, but Sun is all over you

• hugging you, holding you close, picking you up and spinning around with you in his arms, he is NOT letting you go, whether you like it or not

• He is a toucher, please dont be mad at him. He is constantlh touching you in some way, regardless if its just pinkie holding, or Sun full om trapping you into a cuddle and talking to you about his day

• he is a cuddle bug, you cant change my mind

• Sun is always used to being the affectionate one, he enjoys hugs and cheering up people! No one really cared to give the big sweetie a hug himself. So when you show him any form of affection, he fell on MELTS

• he craves touch, he is so touch starved, sure he loves being the big spoon, but when you big spoon HIM? Swoons

• he loved just crawling into your lap and pressing his face to your stomach as you caress his rays amd faceplate, making him absolutely melt and calm in your hold

• you are the only person who can calm him down. Sometimes he gets to excited abd jumpy, especially when its something he enjoys like arts and crafts (we stan autistic sunny.) Sometimes, you have to calm him before he stims to hard and short circuits

• during arts and crafts with the kids, he really likes to try and make you stuff. And when he does, he presents it to you with the biggest and proudest grin ever, and you cherish each and every one, you have a full wall in your room covered with Sun gifts

• if YOU make him something, though, he would be so happy, he does a little happy dance before taking it and handling it with sich gentle care

• It was made by YOU, and he treasures it greatly

• he has all your gifts for him displayed where he can always see them, it makes him so proud that you make stuff for him, it makes his inside coding beat in place of a heart

• He definitely makes happy little chirps and whirrs when he is happy, and ofc his rays start to spin. It akeays happens when you walk into the daycare

• but to reallu get it going, all you have to do is motion Sun to bend down, and when he does you press a kiss to his big grin

• his rays spin so fast its like a fan, and his voicebox is whirring and glitching

• His forms of kisses, since he can't open his mouth, is pressing his teeth to your lips, and you kissing him instead. Sure he is quite sad he cant actually kiss you, but it makes up in its own ways, he dosnt care, he still absolutely loves it when you butterfly kiss his face all over, he is a giggling mess!

• loves playing games with you, especially after everyone is gone and the daycare is clean, he especially loves tag, which you always lose at. But he just adores hearing you giggle every time he catches you

• he adores you so much, je gets so giddy when thinking about you, he starts giggling like a school girl, goodness you make his chest cavity loosen at the thought of you

• whenever he is stressed, he just thinks about you and everything calms down inside of him

•he loves you, very very much, he feels so special being with you

• he feels like the luckiest robot alive

MOON

• the black cat boyfriend

• he is much calmer then Sun is, the completely opposite of the other AI

• when the lights switch off, you akways great Moon with a smile and a wave. Moon always loved taking control of the body, and the first sight he sees is you

• of course, when he comes out, he has to go on his patrols, he cant just skip them, so every night he has to leave you for alittle bit, it usually lasted only 30 minutes, since Moon could move aroubd fast, and he had the plex memorized

• and he also wants to get back to you asap, cause after you soend so much time with Sun, he wont admit it, but he gets very jealous

• once he gets back, you're usually finishing the cleaning ir checking the daycare's inventory to see if you needed to buy some more items

• and moon will always walk up behind you, and snatch you away from your work

• no matter how much you try to struggle, moon will not let go of you

• He likes to bring you over to the napping area of the daycare and set you in a nest of Pillows he made, and before you can even conplain, he has flopped himself down on your lap, preventing you from getting up

• i like to imagine Moon being a cuddler, too, just not as clingy as Sun could be, but he also loves being held at the same time. And when he does it, he gets you to stop working, rest, and pay attention to him! It was a win in his book, he likes keeping you with him for long periods of time, even preventing you from going to the bathroom, and just whins until you agree to stay

• You always would give in, and relax along the pillows while petting Moons head, who would chirp in approval

• Unlike Sun, he tends to pur when he is happy, especially when he is receiving affection from you, much like a cat

• pet his chin, he LOVES that

• he also loves playing games with you in the dark of the daycare, likehis favorite, hide and seek! You always thought it was unfair, but moon loved it, and so did you

• He would always find you though, regardless of how hard you try, and absolutely teases you about it, he is such a big tease

• though, he likes spending time with you in other ways too!

• especially when you two are lazying around, either Moon sprawled across your lap, or you sprawled ontop of moon, he loves to read to you!

• whether it be a kids book, or any normal book, he loves reading to you snd having you listen, especially when you fall asleep to the sound of his voice

• and will absolutely love it when you read to him, he adores your voice, he could listen to it forever

• if you do manage to fall asleep in Moons nests of blankets and Pillows, moon would admire you for a moment, before adjusting you into a more confy position, and curling up around you, and entering rest mode with you

• he likes the comfy quiet you two share with eachother, he prefers it rather than jt being so loud, he didnt like loud

• that being said, he hates loud, especially when its loud towards YOU. Moon can tend to be quiet protective at times, after he acciently hurt you the first time you met him, he wanted to make sure you didnt end up getting hurt again under his watch

• to help him calm down, youll have to cup Moons chin with both of your hands and make him look at you, before pressing a kiss to his head and whispering reassurance to him

• Automatically calms down and lets himself sooth at your comforting words to him

• Before dragging you away to a safe place alone and cuddling you, not wating to let you go

• just make sure you pet his face, he loves that, and pressing loving kisses to his face, he will relax completely, but still refuses to let you go, and you dont mind

• Moon likes keeping you close, he likes to know that you trust him to protect you, it makes his purrs rumble even louder in your ears when he nestles his face into your neck, pressing his teeth to your skin in little kisses

• moon seems scary, but he is such a softy, especially for you, and he loves you, verh very much, he would never let any harm come to you

• he just wants you to feel safe around him

#dca x reader #fnaf x reader #sun x reader #moon x reader #daycare attendant x reader #fnaf moon x reader #fnaf sun x reader #reader insert #tooth rotting fluff #gender neutral reader #sundrop #moondrop

[crownedghostprince]

Thorin's Company x Heterochromia!Reader Headcanons

Thorin's Company x Heterochromia!Reader

Fandom: The Hobbit/LoTR

What if the dwarves met and loved (platonically or romantically) someone in Middle Earth who had a very unique condition where their eyes were coloured differently? In this world, heterochromia is incredibly rare with only a few known cases in the entire world so the dwarves are naturally curious about this.

And you get to see how your favourites might react in this Headcanon style fanfiction!

Requests: Closed. Requested: no.

Warning(s): Minor mentions of bullying and reader's family members dying in certain headcanons. Nothing graphic. <3

Note: Please note I will be changing reader's heterochromia for each dwarf's headcanon to make the writing very different. I hope that's okay. This is because this is mostly a crack-fic <3

I will also sometimes specify when reader is a woman, or has feminine characteristics/pronouns are used or mentioned, I hope that is also okay. Enjoy! :)

Word Count: 13,401 (roughly lol)

[Second Person Perspective]

(Apologies for the image. I was going to post an image of Thorin's Company here, but then I realized you might not have seen a picture of a bunny today. This adorable bunny image was originally posted by "Heidi's Cottage" on tumblr! Please show them some love!!)

♡

Thorin: (Romantic): (Dark Blue eyes with Brown around one's center)

♡ Your eyes are a little harder for Thorin to notice at first.

♡ The dark colours of your eyes and Thorin being too embarrassed to make eye-contact with you when you first met are the reasons it took him a week to notice your unique eyes.

♡ You had first met at Bilbo's house in the Shire where the candlelight bounced off the blue of your eyes when Thorin glanced over at you.

♡ You pretended to not notice him stealing glances as you listened to the gathering.

♡ So, after a week of Thorin being protective, sweet and considerate towards you, he finally noticed your eyes.

♡ It was a beautiful sunny morning and Thorin was allowing the company a few more minutes to brush and re-braid their hair.

♡ You decided to take care of your own hair and absentmindedly admired the clouds as they drifted by from above.

♡ Thorin joined you under the warm sun and made some small conversation about the journey, how rough it would be...mostly making sure you're prepared mentally.

♡ But his breath caught in his throat when you turned to meet his eyes.

♡ He always thought you shared the exact same eye colour, albeit your eyes being a much darker blue, but today he was proven wrong as his eyes drifted to the eye with the brown ring around the pupil.

♡ In the sunlight this brown colour was very distinguished and even looked slightly like caramel.

♡ He was so stunned by the beautiful design adorning your eye he didn't speak for another minute.

♡ When you finally asked if everything was alright, he slowly nodded and spoke.

♡ "In all my years I've never witnessed such beauty. Like a rare gemstone whose colours are only truly seen once under the sunlight."

♡ Please his compliments are so cute and sweet. And creative!

♡ "It's as if your eye wrapped itself in a warm autumn blanket before the cold blue winter covered it with its' icy snow."

♡ He loves your eyes even more now.

♡ They're a sight he cherishes every day.

♡ Sometimes when he can't see the brown around your pupil, he'll gently move you into the sunlight, or bring a candle between you two so he can watch the colour light up and glow.

♡ He made you a dagger with a beautiful wooden design around one of the two sapphires that adorned the handle.

♡ "I wanted to capture your eyes in this dagger for future generations to witness and admire." He smiled as he gave you his gift.

♡ There were also intricate words in Khuzdul that you now knew read, "The eyes of My Beloved."

♡ This sweet hopeless romantic makes sure you never feel embarrassed about your eyes and also stops anyone who might even joke about them. To him they're something to celebrate. Not to mock. <3

~~~

Fili: (Romantic): (Light Blue and Dark Green eyes) ((This is gonna be long, sorry lol))

♡ Your eyes are very noticeable when people first meet you.

♡ Your light blue eye stands out the most and draws people to your eyes when they first meet you, thus leading them to immediately notice the dark green colour of your other eye.

♡ When I say dark green, it's not that dark, it's simply a very strong and rich green colour.

♡ However this was not the case when you first met the dwarves during a fight against some orcs as the group ran towards Rivendell - your home.

♡ You were waiting for Gandalf's arrival when you and the other elves heard orcs just in the distance.

♡ You all saddled up and you rode alongside Lord Elrond as you all charged into battle, firing your arrows and drawing them away from Rivendell's secret entrance.

♡ You rode your horse past the entrance to the secret tunnel to make sure the orc that fell in was definitely dead and you noticed a group of dwarves, alongside Gandalf, just hidden inside.

♡ Your hair covered your eyes and the light being directly behind you made you appear more like an apparition to the dwarves rather than an actual, physical being.

♡ Thus you quickly turned away, allowing them to finish their journey to Rivendell alone as dwarves and elves typically do not get along.

♡ Once you had made it back to Rivendell, circling the dwarves and feeling unsure of their intentions, you noticed a beautiful blond dwarf in the group.

♡ He stood out from the rest of the group, the sunlight bouncing off of his hair and causing it to practically glow under its' light.

♡ You dismounted after Lord Elrond and greeted Mithrandir (Gandalf) before turning to the group.

♡ Your excellent hearing picked up on all of the stunned, but soft, gasps that flooded the group upon seeing your unique eye colours.

♡ You were simply amused by their reactions. Afterall, your eyes were a rare sight to behold.

♡ Quiet, polite whispers started to circle the group before Thorin and Lord Elrond greeted each other.

♡ "Are those her real eye colours?"

♡ "Of course, Ori, hush."

♡ "Whoa~"

♡ "Did you see his eyes, Fili?" That was a brunett dwarf with scruff talking to the blond.

♡ You simply gave the group a curt nod and avoided the blond's eye-contact before following Lindir up the steps so you could clean up and change out of your armour.

♡ The thoughts circled through your head. But specifically the name of the beautifully handsome blond dwarf...'Fili'. His name rolled through your head over and over again like a bouncy melody that never leaves your thoughts.

♡ Eventually, whilst playing your small harp you noticed heavy footsteps walking up the stairs towards you. You opened your eyes and continued to play your favourite melody as the birds in the trees above you sang along.

♡ As you expected, one of the dwarves walked up the steps and stopped at the top. But unexpectedly, it was the blond, Fili. You greeted each other with a smile and he approached you nervously.

♡ "I like your eyes. It's like the Gods couldn't choose if sapphires or emeralds would suit you better, so they gave you both." He smiled dreamily.

♡ Damnnnn he got that 'Line of Durin' rizzzz. (I'm sorry).

♡ (I'm still sorry about before) ♡ (please accept my apologies....) ♡ (I will give you cookies)

♡ And this is where your sweet romance blossomed and continued to bloom for many years.

♡ "Thank-you. I like your hair. It glows like fire under the sun's light. It's stunning." You smiled back, taking a break from your music to flirt with the sweet dwarf.

♡ He brings you green zennia (associated with lasting affection) and bluebell flowers (associated with everlasting love).

♡ When he found out what your favourite animal was he immediately made you a courting gift. A necklace with the animal as the main piece with a sapphire and emerald for each eye. Matching your eyes perfectly.

♡ You happily showed him your own courting gift. "We were thinking the same thing!" You laughed as you gave him the painting you'd made of him.

♡ It was hyper-realistic and you could see every strand of hair and even the eyelashes adorning his blue eyes on it. It was also textured so he could feel the grooves and bumps as he brushed his fingers across it.

♡ He loved it and you two had the best courtship ever.

♡ You courted for a couple years before marrying and life had never been better for the both of you.

♡ "Your eyes are enchanting. Like the forest meets the ocean. And they marry." He grins, sliding across a small box with rings and hair beads.

♡ "Oh? Is this your way of implying something?" You smile back, sliding over your own small box.

♡ "You gotta stop thinking the same thing I'm thinking. At this rate we're gonna have two celebratory weddings." He laughs.

♡ "Y'know, I see nothing wrong with that."

♡ Y'all are so cute, please have a nice two weddings.

♡ He loves making you laugh and smile - watching your eyes light up with joy. You make him so happy every single day.

~~~

Kili: (Romantic): (Dark Brown and Blue eyes) ((This is gonna be long, sorry lol))

♡ When you started travelling with the company, you had fallen from the modern world into Middle Earth with your sunglasses.

♡ And damn was the sunlight bright! So you almost always wear your sunglasses unless it's night and you're sleeping.

♡ So no one usually sees your eye colours and when they do, it's more just a glance of your blue eye.

♡ Then, one day Thorin decides to set up camp earlier than usual allowing everyone time to relax in the sunlight and watch the sunset as you all ate Bombur's delicious cooking.

♡ You spent all your time during the journey cracking jokes and trading stories with everyone. But you mostly hung out with Fili and Kili, having fun riding alongside them and dancing in the rainy nights.

♡ It was a lot of fun to be with this group. And this day was no different as you sat beside the brothers and joked around.

♡ Once the sun had set enough and the sky started to change colour you took your sunglasses off to admire the colours without the soft orange tint you were used to.

♡ Fili - being an excellent wingman for his brother and best friend - left you both for a few minutes to help Bombur clean up the dishes and find more firewood with Bilbo.

♡ You smiled and dragged your eyes away from the sunset to see Kili's reaction and found him already staring back at you with the softest brown eyes you've ever seen.

♡ A moment passed between you two as you both admired each other's eyes before chuckling and awkwardly turning back to look at the sunset.

♡ "Your eyes are beautiful. I've never seen anything like them. Everyone's eyes are usually very similar...but yours are different. I like them" He grinned. You watched as his face and ears grew red.

♡ "You're so cute. Thank-you, darling."

♡ He brings you blue flowers that have bits of brown on them. Whether from decay, dirt, mud or just the colouration. (is that a word?) But either way he loves bringing you flowers.

♡ Especially your favourite flowers. He'll bring you those whenever you pass them on your journey.

♡ You both play silly games to pass the time where you basically say what you like about the other, or try and guess their favourite thing, etc.

♡ He doesn't draw too much attention to your eyes, because he doesn't know if it's a sensitive topic or something you're uncomfortable with.

♡ But he definitely encourages you to wear your sunglasses less often when you're comfortable with it. Especially when it's just the two of you together.

♡ After reclaiming Erebor he'll sometimes surround you with candles until he can't fit anymore in the circle around you. Just so he can see you lit up under the candlelight.

♡ He's cute.

♡ Definitely brings you clothes with brown and blue mixed together in beautiful patterns that dance down the fabric and across the threads.

♡ He loves seeing you dance, loving how your eyes light up with excitement and joy. Sparkling towards him like gemstones under moonlight.

♡ Once you learned Khuzdul, he confidently made you a dwarvish bead as a gift with the words "my darling river" written on them very finely.

♡ You wear it all the time and only take it out to brush your hair when he's there. But typically only he can take it out to brush your hair and then braid it back in.

♡ He adores you and sees your eyes as just another reason to love you.

♡ Kili loves your sense of humour, your fun facts, all your little quirks and habits, etc.

♡ But surprisingly, he loves your hair more than anything else.

♡ He loves when you style it in a new, or fun way. He also loves when you dye it and will offer to help you dye your hair.

♡ Once you even dyed some bronze highlights through his hair that shone like copper in the sunlight.

~~~

Dwalin: (Romantic): (Dark Brown and Light Hazel eyes) ((This is gonna be long, sorry lol))

♡ Dwalin and the Company were fighting orcs and running for their lives, following Gandalf to safety when you jumped in from out of nowhere to help them fight the orcs.

♡ You used your incredible arcobatic skills and daggers to take down the orcs and wargs with the dwarves' and wizard's aid.

♡ After the fight, you turned to the group with a big smile, specifically greeting Gandalf.

♡ After bowing for Thorin and the group and introducing yourself, Gandalf encouraged you to join them over a nice dinner.

♡ You were only planning on staying until they found camp, enjoy dinner with them and then be back on your own way - aimlessly wandering the beautiful land.

♡ But Gandalf's offer was hard to decline, especially after you'd met the incredibly cool dwarf, Dwalin.

♡ His scars probably had awesome stories to tell and you were curious to hear them.

♡ You loved his style, the cool and cold exterior he had with a constant frown. But you saw his eyes clearly had a different story to tell.

♡ You decided in the morning you'd accept Gandalf's kind invite and would fight for the dwarves to take their home back. "I'd be honoured to fight alongside you all."

♡ "Here you go, lad. Just sign this paper and we'll proceed." Balin smiled, handing you the paper. You thanked him, signed it after a quick read and finished packing up the camp. You were on your way on another strange adventure with this equally strange wizard.

♡ But at least you had someone to talk to.

♡ You were kind to everyone, but especially went out of your way to talk to Dwalin, even if it was just small acknowledgements and 'are you okay?'s. That's all you needed, honestly.

♡ It took a while, but you saw him quietly warming up to you which showed mostly during a fight. You were a bit further away from the group than you had intended to be when Dwalin suddenly appeared by your side and helped you take down the group of orcs surrounding you.

♡ You both nodded and returned to the group, not saying much else until the rest of the orcs had run off or died. "Thank-you."

♡ "It's fine, lad." He simply nodded and walked by your side.

♡ After reclaiming Erebor and the battle (in which Thorin, Kili and Fili lived) you and Dwalin talked for hours whilst recovering. Not only were your temporary beds just across from each other, but you both were given some books to read until your bones healed.

♡ But you couldn't read Khuzdul, so you asked Dwalin to read them to you. He seemed hesitant but after a couple awkward hours of silence and boredom, he finally read the books.

♡ He read sentences in Khuzdul first, then translated them to English before continuing to the next.

♡ You didn't mind. In fact, hearing him talk in Khuzdul was fascinating to hear as his accent got thicker and his voice was louder. A contrast to the quieter English he'd then speak to you after.

♡ It took months and months before you both began to court and even then he hardly ever complimented you.

♡ It took a candlelight dinner, a walk through the forest outside of Erebor under the moonlight and you constantly complimenting him until he was brave enough to return your affections.

♡ "Your eyes are stunning. They glow like fire under the light." He smiled, turning away to look at the trees.

♡ He's surprisingly awkward and shy for someone so tough and cool. He's not sure how to compliment you, or court you.

♡ But he always knows what you might like gift wise. He'll bring you daggers, belts and once even a water-proof cowl from Dale for your travels.

♡ All the gifts he brings you perfectly compliment your eyes. Browns, oranges, soft yellows and simple beige outfits.

♡ Every time he leaves Erebor, he'll return with rocks, accessories and hats as simple little gifts he got for you.

♡ He cares a lot about you and always make sure any injuries you have are immediately tended to, even if you brush them off as simple scratches.

♡ He brings you food and water if you've just returned from a journey and want to go straight to bed. And when Thorin allows him, he'll journey with you.

♡ He loves to dance with you, especially under the sunlight in an open field of flowers. The colours and light cause your eyes to twinkle brightly and he loves it.

♡ The brown turning to caramel, the hazel shining in an almost green colour under the sunlight and blue under the moonlight.

♡ He loves to bring you new shades of clothing to see what colour your hazel eye will look most like when you wear it.

♡ Sometimes you'll wear blue and your hazel eye will look similar, but other times you'll wear red and the hazel in your eyes turns almost brown.

♡ Your eyes are a fascinating sight for him watch.

♡ He even writes down little notes about how your hazel eye changes around each colour.

♡ Even though the colour is also based on lighting, mood and other factors, you don't mention that. It's nice to just listen to him mutter and write little notes about your eyes each night.

~~~

Bofur: (Romantic): (Dark Hazel and Silver eyes)

♡ Your eyes are incredibly hard to miss.

♡ Bofur noticed them immediately when you first met in the ruins of Dale after the battle for Erebor. You had come from Laketown alongside everyone else and had quickly learned how to defend yourself and fight against orcs during the battle.

♡ He was walking around the ruins of Dale to help check on everyone and bring to them the healers and you were ushering children back to their parents and helping people dig themselves out of rubble when you two stumbled across each other.

♡ Both of you were scratched up, bruised and tired. But despite all that, you were both awestruck by the other's beauty.

♡ His shining armour, fluffy hat, twinkling eyes and the soft smile that grew wider when you greeted him. Gosh, you were nervous just talking to him.

♡ Your glowing hair, soft skin, dumbfounded look and distinctive eye colours. How could he not smile upon seeing you?

♡ He thought you looked stunning.

♡ After that day, you both hung out a lot. Whether in Dale or Erebor, you'd both just aimlessly walk for hours laughing at each other's jokes. You'd eat dinner together. Sometimes with the Company and other times with your friend group.

♡ He didn't shy away from complimenting you before you were even courting.

♡ "The silver glows like a diamond under the moonlight. What an amazing discovery...to see a gemstone this far above the ground." He smiled.

♡ "Such a beautiful mixture of green and brown and blue. Like a river flowing through a pine forest. Its' beauty is truly unmatched by any forest I've seen."

♡ Don't let the Ents overhear Bofur! He's so sweet!!

♡ So you best believe, his compliments only increased tenfold after you began courting.

♡ "Ghivashel, you look stunning this morning." (Translation: Treasure of all treasures).

♡ "Do you need help with that, mizimel?" (Translation: Jewel of all jewels).

♡ He loves making dolls with mismatched eyes now. He specifically made one for you though. Matching the hazel and silver of your eyes. For the hazel eye he used a zircon gemstone and the silver eye was a diamond.

♡ The beautiful doll had a lovely dress and hair that also matched yours. With your permission, he cut some of your hair and sewed it into the doll's head. The doll sits right beside your bed at all times and sometimes you even cuddle it to help you sleep.

♡ He spends hours asking you to sing and read to him whilst he lays down beside you or on your lap. Loving the way your eyes light up when you reach your favourite parts. Or when you're particularly proud of how you read, or sung, a part.

♡ Some nights it's just you and Bofur sitting under a tree, leaning against its trunk whilst listening to the world around you.

♡ You cherish the quiet moments you get to spend with Bofur, as sometimes you can't spend time together when you're both so busy with work.

♡ So, you both just enjoy each other's presences when you can. Resting together, falling asleep in soft grass and waking up to a bright sun above the hills, surrounding you both with its' glow.

♡ Beautiful morning, after beautiful morning. Time passed for months, seasons, and years. Until you both decided to marry. :)

~~~

Balin: (Platonic): (Light Blue and Dark Blue) ((This is gonna be long, sorry lol))

♡ Growing up was a struggle for you as your father had died fighting for Moria alongside Thorin Oakenshield.

♡ But Balin had noticed you when you were just a child; a young Dwarf watching the warriors return from Moria's battle.

♡ You watched as they praised Thorin Oakenshield and called him 'King' and 'Future King' depending on the dwarves.

♡ But still you searched for your father. More interested in hearing how the battle went from him.

♡ And when you couldn't find your father, you began to cry. A hand was gently placed on your shoulder so you looked up and there Balin was. Looking down at you with sad eyes.

♡ You hugged him immediately and began talking incoherently - asking for your father, where he was and why he hadn't returned.

♡ Balin took you under his wing after that day and to his astonishment, he watched as you grew up and your eyes slowly changed colour.

♡ Eyes can sometimes take years before they reach their permanent colour and that was how it was for you.

♡ By the time you were 7 years old, your eyes changed into totally opposite blue colours: one light blue like a topaz and the other very dark like the ocean.

♡ Balin raised you as best he could with help from Thorin and Dwalin. You also became good friends with Thorin's nephews, Fili and Kili.

♡ None of the dwarves ever ostracized you for your heterochromia, but instead they really adored you.

♡ Balin and you always travelled to the markets together. You were always helping him when he was tinkering with toys, practicing with a sword (you'd have a small wooden sword) and you both also tended to a garden together.

♡ Growing Coneflowers in the garden as they are very hardy flowers that can grow despite bad soil and drought. Hence growing them in a mostly dry, stone-y environment was a piece of cake.

♡ He could never resist your puppy-dog eyes when you wanted to travel with him. The light from the sun made your eyes sparkle and he didn't ever want you to cry or feel left alone.

♡ If he couldn't take you somewhere with him, Dwalin was fine with watching over you and letting you learn a bit of simpler smithing. He'd show you how necklaces were made and even some rings.

♡ If you ever grew self-conscious of your eyes, Balin would write and read to you stories of fantasy creatures with different coloured eyes.

♡ Somethings like... "Juniper didn't know why the others would play without him. He didn't know what made him different from the rest. He sat by the river one day and listened to all the different birds. Their different songs and colours. When suddenly, he realized something! He was different! But not on the outside!...

...Juniper ran to his mother very excitedly! He happily declared to her, 'I'm going to become the best fairy dancer one day!' and she smiled with joy, 'Of course you will be! And I'll be there to watch your every performance!' It was on this day Juniper decided his eyes were not the reason others did not play with him. It was because they didn't know who he was on the inside, and he was going to show them who he was! And he would dance with them at every celebration! He'd perform each move perfectly and smile the whole time. He'd show the world who he was and shine brightly for all to see."

♡ And many more stories similar to that, but perhaps a few pages longer...or a few chapters longer. :)

♡ You had many books of these fantasy stories handwritten by Balin by the time you were a teenager. And you re-read them all the time.

♡ He'd say "Child, never feel different because of your eyes. Know you're different because of your heart. Because of what you'll do with your life when you grow up. Know you're going to do amazing things in your life."

~~~

Bifur: (Platonic): (Light Brown with half of one eye being Light Green) ((This is gonna be long, sorry lol))

♡ You grew up in Earth with a cat companion that had the same colour eyes as you.

♡ Her name was Delta and she was a calico that followed you everywhere and slept with you in bed every night.

♡ Unfortunately for Delta, this meant she fell into Middle Earth with you when a portal suddenly appeared below you on one of your walks in the garden.

♡ You both fell super fast and you gripped Delta tightly against your chest - braced for impact.

♡ But the impact was softer than you thought it would be. Slowly you opened your eyes and looked around you.

♡ Realizing you had fallen directly onto a bush and a large portal above you, far up in the sky, closed.

♡ 'Oh dear...' you thought, 'Mum's not going to be happy about this.'

♡ To be fair, for an eleven-year-old, magic portals were the least of your concern and instead: 'when mum finds out I'm going to be grounded,' was currently more concerning to you.

♡ Delta - being very cuddly - allowed you to pick her up and carry her around once you brushed some dirt off yourself.

♡ You wandered. You were very lost by the time the sun was falling behind the hills that lay far past the forest you were trapped in.

♡ It was only just getting dark when a group of horses and people travelled down the road towards you and Delta.

♡ You watched as they came to a stop. A tall wizard-looking man with grey hair and beard was at the front of the group and he looked at you with very soft and kind eyes.

♡ Delta hissed at the sudden people, so you took a couple steps back and tensed to run.

♡ But the wizard spoke to the others and decided to set up camp and stop for the night. He hopped off his horse and walked towards you, switching a staff from one hand to the other as he approached before he crouched down, leaning on the staff for support to meet your height.

♡ "Hello." He greeted warmly.

♡ "Hello..." You greeted less confidently. And that's how you found yourself in the world of Middle Earth, meeting a group of dwarves, a hobbit and a wizard.

♡ They took great care of you and as you were too shy to speak, Bifur especially took to caring for you. He picked up on your non-verbal communication a lot faster than the others did and helped you climb onto the horses every morning.

♡ He helped you down every evening and made sure you were given food first every dinner and breakfast. He even made sure there were on-the-road snacks just for you to have lunch.

♡ Bifur never pushed boundaries or made you feel uncomfortable or unsafe. Quite the opposite actually, you felt safer with him rather than anyone else. Perhaps it was because he didn't expect you to talk, or respond.

♡ Nor did he ever push you to verbally communicate when you were still feeling too shy or scared.

♡ Although in our eyes the dwarves are incredibly friendly and kind and not very intimidating - save Dwalin - to an eleven-year-old, they were quite the scary, loud and unpredictable bunch.

♡ Laughing loudly quite suddenly, or grabbing food quite quickly and talking and singing all the time. You found you couldn't guess what they'd do next, but you also grew to love that chaos about them.

♡ Bifur was actually the first to pet Delta when you joined the Company on their adventure. He pet her to reassure you that you were both safe with the group.

♡ And yes, that worked perfectly. You stuck with them the whole journey and whilst they took extra care in keeping you safe, secure and out of danger, you still had to do a fair bit of running to keep up.

♡ Especially after you lost the ponies to the goblins. The Company was tempted to leave you with the Elves of Rivendell but Thorin immediately denied the idea and made sure you travelled with them.

♡ Lord Elrond had been very kind to you though and gave you paper and ink to draw with. You spent hours in Rivendell drawing flowers for the Company and showing them off proudly at night.

♡ They were very impressed and encouraging.

♡ But back to Bifur and you!

♡ At night when you were first adjusting to the new environment, you became terrified by the lack of light and began to cry, holding onto Delta for comfort. Bifur took notice immediately having been on first watch.

♡ He quietly called you over and came to get you. He then let you sit beside him as he watched over the camp and told you silly little stories via charades and shadow puppets. He used what was left of the fire's light for the shadow puppets.

♡ You became calmer and happier as the stories progressed and eventually you had drifted to sleep. You felt safe and you had a purring cat on your lap, so why wouldn't you feel safe?

♡ Bifur made sure you were supported and had a pillow to sleep on, letting you use his. He gave you a couple back pats as you drifted off until finally you were asleep and no longer crying.

♡ He went back to watch and kept an eye on you in case you had nightmares, but you slept just fine.

♡ As you may have noticed, the Company hasn't had much to remark about your unique eye colour.

♡ This is because your eyes a slightly harder to notice a difference in. The brown is very bright and the green is a soft shade that almost perfectly blends with the brown half of your eye.

♡ This perfect blend of colours made it harder for them to notice that the colours were different on your smaller eyes that you often avoided meeting people's gazes with.

♡ But they noticed it almost right away on Delta and thought she looked adorable.

♡ Bifur thought she was quite a lucky little kitty to be loved by someone so kind despite her unique eyes. Then one day you spoke up as they compliment Delta's eyes and asked about them.

♡ "Yeah, I was really excited when we found her. My mother said it was a big coincidence that we found a cat with the same coloured eyes as me." You softly laughed, petting Delta with a smile.

♡ The Company was quite for a while before Bifur finally made them ask you more about it.

♡ "What do you mean, child?"

♡ So you showed them. "I thought my eyes were very noticeable." You giggled, letting the light enhance the colours.

♡ Overall, your eyes are less noticeable, but Bifur made sure you knew that your eyes changed nothing about you. You were more than your outward appearance.

♡ But also, this is Bifur we're talking about. He brushes things off very fast when it doesn't seem that important.

♡ If you ever feel insecure? He'll grab a translator (Bofur) and make sure you know that your eyes will never change how others see you. Especially when your eyes are so pretty.

♡ He's great, but in a quiet way. He brings no attention to your eyes, mostly not noticing anything different regardless and only talks about them when you do. Like I said, he'd never push you to talk about stuff you don't want to.

♡ Bifur simply wants to make sure you survive in this new world and grow up just fine.

~~~

Ori: (Platonic): (Yellow and Grey)

♡ Ori was excited to travel with his friends and family and to go on such a daring adventure across Middle Earth to retake the mountain of Erebor.

♡ He was especially excited to join his family in some food at an apparently "very welcoming hobbit"s home.

♡ So when the Company showed up at Bilbo's home unannounced and without much more knowledge from the Wizard on who exactly this hobbit was, they were very surprised to find a young adult hobbit living with the older hobbit.

♡ About Ori's age, roughly 18 or so if you convert their ages to human years.

♡ Ori was excited to meet someone else his age, aside from Fili and Kili who were slightly older. So you can imagine everyone's surprise when they see her eyes in the bright candlelight.

♡ Now they've seen grey eyes, especially on older dwarves. This wasn't an uncommon eye colour at all.

♡ But yellow? Yellow eyes? And grey? Both? At the same time, but in a different eye each?

♡ That was certainly new.

♡ You didn't mind all their questions at first. Until they asked how it happened to which you had no clue. You didn't understand genetics, or biology and how could you? You were a simple florist who designed bouquets for any occasion a hobbit asked for.

♡ Anniversary? Roses, carnations and peonies. Birthday? Dahlias, orchids and chrysanthemums. Apology? Tulips, daffodils and lilies of the valley.

♡ But biology? All you could think of in your head was sunflowers and azalea for yellow; and low ho silver iris and edelweiss flowers for grey.

♡ But that was your brain designing a bouquet after your eye colours. Not the knowledge of how your eye colours came to be.

♡ Young Ori was especially fascinated by your eyes. How the grey would turn into an almost soft, pastel yellow in the candlelight and your yellow eye would glow like embers from a fire.

♡ When you were allowed to travel with the group, Ori watched as your grey eye glowed silver in the moonlight and the yellow glowed like a soft gold.

♡ You and Ori got along greatly and had lots of fun just talking about flowers and art. Ori would show you his sketches and they were so good you could pick out each individual flower he drew without needing to see his references.

♡ You were thankful he never judged you for your eyes. He was probably the first friend you had that didn't immediately judge you for looking a little different or 'weird' as others would say.

♡ He was super sweet and he even drew your eyes as best he could when sketching. You were more than happy to model for him as the sound of his sketching helped lull you into a cozy sleep late at night.

♡ This especially helped as the climate got colder and the floor harder to rest on. He can also read.

♡ So he'd sometimes read a book very quietly to you as you both huddled around the fire. You didn't understand the written dwarvish in front of you, but Ori was careful with his translations and the stories were very interesting.

♡ He said he only brought a couple of copies of books from back home, that way it wouldn't matter if he lost these books, he'd still have the originals. (In case you were worried).

♡ The stories of birds, dwarves, dragons and grand adventures kept your interest whilst sending you off to sleep. You dreamt about these grand stories. No wonder they were Ori's favourites.

♡ He was so sweet and always complimented your eyes. So you always complimented his eyes back. It was like having a brother. Similar to how Bilbo was almost like a father to you since he took you in eight years ago.

♡ You were a lost hobbit from a small hobbit town that was quite a while away from the Shire. Your parents died of disease and you were terrified of being next.

♡ But Bilbo properly nursed you back to good health and helped you through the grief and acceptance.

♡ And now here you were. Standing strong and with new friends, watching your 'father' flirt terribly with the leader of the group, Thorin.

♡ It was pretty funny and you and Ori got to joke about it lots when the other's wouldn't hear.

♡ Ori never once purposefully draws attention to you or your eyes, but he'll always be there if you speak up or someone else does.

♡ Like a protective older brother. He learned a lot from Dori.

~~~

Dori: (Platonic): (Silver and Dark Brown) ((This is gonna be long, sorry lol))

♡ When you were born, like most babies, you had very blue eyes. Just like your parents.

♡ But as you grew older, your parents watched with worry as your eyes changed. One eye getting lighter and lighter every day as the other became darker and darker.

♡ Your parents tried not to be too worried. After all, a local doctor said it was natural for children's eyes to change colour some weeks, and even years, after birth.

♡ But by the time you were 5 years old, one eye was completely silver and the other was a very dark brown. Your parents did their best to help you feel normal and to always comfort you after other children's strange or mean comments.

♡ Despite all that though, sometimes you wished you had an older sibling that could be by your side growing up. Someone to play games with, read books with, bake food with, etc. The other children were scared because your eyes made you 'different'.

♡ So they avoided you for many years. By the time you were an adult, you felt very insecure and styled your hair to fall over your silver eye as, 'brown is more common', children kept saying.

♡ During your first ever adventure outside of your small human village, you discovered a wandering grey wizard who took great interest in your clothing. You were wonderful at sewing and embroidery and he loved seeing all the intricate flowers, dragons and designs you had done on your clothing.

♡ He was especially surprised to find out you even sewed all your clothing yourself. He invited you to join him and the elves of Rivendell, of whom he was on his way to surprise with a visit. "They are very skilled with the fine arts such as embroidery and could teach you anything you wished to know about the art." He promised with a mysterious glint in his eyes.

♡ You ignored the thought at the back of your mind that wondered what he was planning and instead accepted his offer immediately. And he was right. Lord Elrond was very welcoming and taught you a great deal about sewing and embroidery. He even offered for you to visit as often as you liked between your future travels and you excitedly accepted.

♡ (Now the moment you've all been waiting for)

♡ One day after you had returned to Rivendell, a group of Dwarves and a hobbit showed up alongside a familiar wizard. You noticed them when they walked up the steps into Rivendell, following Lord Elrond who gave you a curt nod.

♡ You smiled and waved back, still holding a stunning Elven dress in your hands that you'd been embroidering. The elves had helped you to make it for special occasions if you ever wanted to join their celebrations in proper Elvish attired.

♡ Despite friendly nods from the hobbit and wizard, the Dwarves didn't really acknowledge you all that much - aside from glances to see if you were elf or human.

♡ But during a dinner with the elves and guests, they got to know you a bit more. Especially when you laughed and cheered to their songs and dances.

♡ You couldn't possibly be all that bad if you liked their music.

♡ They were there for weeks and during that time you slowly got to know them. An older dwarf, who was the eldest of his brothers, would especially spend time talking with you after you shared interest in wine.

♡ Every time you tried a new wine with him, he'd make sure to tell you all the cool details and facts about where and how it was grown, as well as how long it was left, why it should be left for however long, etc.

♡ You can now predict how long a wine should be left for based on how it was made. You also can sort of tell how aged a wine is by its taste. Not really, but you try and Dori gives you extra credit for that.

♡ His own brothers sympathize with the random wine and grapevine knowledge you'll be left knowing for the rest of your life. They too were subjected to hours of drunk Dori's stories and trivia.

♡ But the family was fun to hangout with - especially when they were completely drunk - so you didn't mind all that much.

♡ One day whilst you were drinking, Ori suddenly spoke up and asked, "Excuse me, (Y/N), but why does your hair cover one of your eyes? Doesn't that just make it harder to see?"

♡ "Aw, leave them alone, Ori." Bofur spoke up from the corner, smoking. "I think it's a cute style, (Y/N)." He gave a quick thumbs up.

♡ You returned it with a smile. "Nah, I don't mind the question." You chuckled, replying simply, "It is a bit hard to see with, but it doesn't affect my sight that much."

♡ You didn't feel comfortable telling anyone about your eye colour at that point. But Dori somehow sensed that something was a little off with your reply. He didn't pry, but he used his exquisite big brother skills to deduce a perfect solution to your current discomfort.

♡ Cheese.

♡ Therefore, Dori discreetly elbowed your arm and like a proper 'Wine Aunt' that visits every Christmas, he snuck you a little gift - a piece of cheese - when no one was looking and gave you a little nod of encouragement.

♡ "Thanks, Dori." You whispered when everyone was singing loudly and distracted.

♡ "No worries, kid." He grinned.

♡ Months went by, then years after they took back Erebor from Smaug. And you remained good friends with the Company and Bilbo. It was this winter you had decided to visit, your big brother figure Dori.

♡ During the time they were adventuring you opened up to Lord Elrond about your eye colours and he helped you feel more confident and comfortable with your appearance.

♡ It was the small things. Like the elves helping you change your hairstyle ever so slightly to show both your eyes and to frame your face better. Silver jewelry and beautiful leather clothes, boots and gauntlets.

♡ But all they did helped you so much, you'd almost forgotten there was anything different about you to begin with.

♡ So when you visited the dwarves, it's safe to say that jaws dropped.

♡ After all, heterochromia is one thing. SILVER heterochromia is another. Your eyes matched the fallen snow. The silver jewelry that adorned your ears as gifts from the kind elves. The silver moonlight that shone behind you when you entered the mountain.

♡ Bofur and Nori couldn't stop complimenting how beautiful it was and Ori desperately wanted to draw you. He'd never seen someone with two, beautiful eye colours and he wanted to remember the incredible sight.

♡ Dori basically became a temporary bodyguard by making sure no one was asking weird questions, or crossing your boundaries. He made sure to take you to a nice, quiet corner for some wine if you got overwhelmed by the attention.

♡ Your first night there was chaotic, but Dori had your back.

♡ He wasn't about to let anyone upset you. The group really helped you feel comfortable and confident. Adults being curious about such a phenomenon is very different to growing up with adults that feared the change.

♡ One day, Dori surprised you with a jeweled dagger the company had gotten together to make for you. "So you can stab anyone who insults you." Said Dori.

♡ "So you may defend yourself from danger, orcs, goblins or bandits." Corrected Thorin.

♡ "Or so you can look like a cool warrior facing off against wild beasts when hunting." Encouraged Ori.

♡ "Alright, alright. But it's also for stabbing." Dori huffed.

♡ "Guys, thank-you all so much for this." You smiled gratefully. The dagger was adorned with two jewels. A smokey quartz and a crystal. It matched your eyes.

♡ "It was Dori's idea." Balin grinned, throwing Dori under the river with his callout.

♡ "Well. Any decent person should carry a proper weapon of high quality. You see, higher quality daggers made by dwarves have a much better chance at actually piercing through veins and arteries with one cut and swing rather than the duller man-made blades that you sort of have to saw into an enemy's skin to pierce it deep enough to cause any proper damage...and of course that means the enemies will find their tough skin to be no match to the stronger, well smithed metal of dwarven craftmanship." Dori ranted in defense. Rambling a little, but you didn't mind.

♡ "Fascinating." You listened with awe.

♡ "You didn't catch half of that, did you?" Balin raised an eyebrow, watching you with a knowing-look.

♡ "Well, I understood half of it." You grinned honestly.

♡ "Ah, well allow me to explain slower." Dori cleared his throat and began with an added distant groan from Nori who'd heard all this several times growing up with his big brother.

♡ It was worth listening to Dori's explanations, facts and stories though. He was well-spoken, explained anything you missed and clarified anything you didn't understand. Like a big brother you had always wanted to be there for you.

~~~

Nori: (Romantic): (Orange and Dark Blue) ((This is gonna be very long, sorry lol))

♡ "If you let me sail, we'd be there by now." You huffed as Bard sailed the boat to the shores where the wine barrels wash up (after the Wood Elves let them out of the cellar of the Woodland Realm).

♡ Bard and you grew up together. You first met each other when your parents had decided to fish in the same spot out of Laketown and he pointed at you confidently saying, "You're weird."

♡ Other than the fish you were wearing on your head for a hat, you had no clue what would cause him to say such a thing to you.

♡ 'It must be because my eyes are two different colours!' You finally decided. After all, most other kids didn't like you for that reason. Apparently orange eyes were strange - especially when your other eye is a strikingly dark blue in comparison.

♡ "You're weird too!" You finally declared back.

♡ "At least I'm not wearing a fish for a hat." He rolled his eyes.

♡ "How dare you insult Saltwater the Third!"

♡ "What? Did you eat the other two?"

♡ "Daddd!!!!!" And that's how you two met as children.

♡ Don't worry, you still had a fish hat and you wore it all the time. The current one you had is Saltwater the Forty-Seventh if you were curious.

♡ Back to the present moment you two were in, he simply responded logically, "If you sailed us, the boat would be on the shore and the wine barrels would be in the water."

♡ "I don't see a problem with that. We could surf the barrels back to town."

♡ "Alright, (Y/N). You win. If you can surf a wine barrel all the way back to town, I'll let you drive the boat next time." Bard bet with a grin.

♡ "Deal. I'll be seeing you in town, later." You smugly smiled back.

♡ "Yeah. Tomorrow." Bard laughed. You couldn't help but laugh with him as the boat came to a stop along the shore. "Alright, let's go find those barrels." He sighed, hoping down and tying the boat to a makeshift post.

♡ You scouted ahead as he tied the ship up and saw the barrels further down the shoreline than usual. This isn't too odd considering the river's currents can be unpredictable. But it was the start to a very different day.

♡ The barrels were further up the shore - at a very rocky point - which meant you now had to climb up the rocky hill to go around a bunch of trees hanging at the edge of a cliff above the water to get to the opposite shore.

♡ You were halfway up when you thought about calling to Bard to let him know about the barrels when you heard water sloshing, footsteps and hushed voices nearby.

♡ There was no way it was Bard so you crouched down and watched a young dwarf with brown hair walk to the edge of the cliff not too far from you and sit down.

♡ He was emptying his boots of a lot of water right beside one of the barrels that you had first spotted from a distance.

♡ Upon closer inspection down below beside said barrel was another dwarf, a bit bigger with very grey hair that matched the rocks and a light coloured tunic that looked like dirt. Or was just very dirty. Either way he was basically camouflaged until you looked more carefully.

♡ 'Okay, so two dwarves near the barrels that elves use. I'm sure that's just a strange coincidence and they're just travellers.' You thought to yourself. Bard was only just climbing up the hill to join you so you decided to sneak around and spotted more dwarves that were seated behind boulders.

♡ 'Never mind, that's a lot more than two.' You mentally groaned. You snuck back to Bard just as he made it to the top of the hill. You pointed at the dwarves and used charades to count out 'thirteen' to Bard. His mouth gaped open and with a roll of his eyes he grabbed his bow from his back.

♡ 'Seriously?' You mouthed gobsmacked his first instinct was to shoot and ask questions later.

♡ 'There's more of them than of us.' He mouthed back whilst drawing his arrow back and aiming at the younger dwarf.

♡ 'So what? You're just going to shoot them?' You glared. He met your gaze again.

♡ 'It's not going to kill them.' He argued.

♡ 'I don't think that's the point here.' You finished and he reluctantly relaxed his drawstring.

♡ 'Fine. Just let me intimidate them.' He finally mouthed to you as the young dwarf was emptying out his other shoe now. He sneaked past you, drew back his drawstring once more and stood up to be clearly seen. The young dwarf froze in place and slowly turned around to look up at Bard. You decided to just watch from a distance, only having the skill to fight with a dagger for self-defense.

♡ He must've had all the dwarves' attention by now, still aiming his arrow at the same poor young dwarf. Bard's attention then shifted to the other dwarf who quickly stood up and grabbed a large branch - prepared to defend everyone.

♡ Bard then took his shot, the arrow whizzing straight into the branch's wood. Another dwarf in the distance, this one looking younger, picked up a rock and went to hurl it to Bard - but Bard was quicker and he shot the stone out of the dwarf's hand with another arrow. "Do it again, and you're dead." Bard threatened with another arrow drawn back.

♡ "Excuse me, but - uhm, you're from Laketown?" A new voice spoke up. You watched as an older, white-haired dwarf stepped forwards with his arms up in surrender whilst he cautiously approached Bard. "If I'm not mistaken?" Bard shifted and pointed his arrow whilst letting him continue talking. "That...barge over there." The older dwarf points to our ship which could be seen, but they had only just noticed in the distance. "It wouldn't be available for hire, by any chance?"

♡ "There's a chance." Bard unnotched his arrow and put it back in his quiver, swinging the bow back around his arm before stepping down the rocks as carefully as he could. "But it's unlikely. We're only here for these barrels."

♡ "We..?" The older dwarf was cut off when Bard waved you over and you helped him to start moving the barrels up the cliff to the ship. "Oh.."

♡ "Do you need help with that, lass?" A different brunet dwarf asked, approaching you and Bard carefully.

♡ You and Bard shared a brief glance, calculating how much sooner you could have dinner with a little help and finally you nodded. "Yes, please. Thank-you."

♡ And that long introduction, chat, is how you first met Nori.

♡ You, like Bard, were very skeptical of the dwarves and only helped them with the promise of pay. Double pay meant you and Bard could easily half it and you wouldn't be totally sacrificing all your pay to your pet cat. Which in turn meant you could buy yourself food!

♡ (Yes, you have a cat and yes he is your first priority. He's the best mouse-catcher in Laketown. He's the sole reason mice have been less of a problem and don't get into the winter food storage sheds anymore.)

♡ Nori thought you were odd to say the least. You wore a fish on your head, had completely different coloured eyes and talked like you were either high, or drunk, 24/7.

♡ You almost didn't have anything more to do with the dwarves after that fateful day, but Nori saw you struggle and stole some food before he went to the mountains and lemme tell you. After nearly 9 hours since your last meal, that little gift of stolen food was like a marriage proposal.

♡ In the Battle against the orcs there was no way you were just going to sit in a building uselessly with a bunch of other women. You grabbed a sword, petted your cat and charged a bunch of orcs, slicing as quickly as you could to deflect and kill them.

♡ During the chaos of everything, you bumped into Nori. Although you had no clue how he and you and ended up fighting near each other, you stood strong and watched each other's backs as orc after orc charged you.

♡ The battle felt never ending and you could've sworn a tinge of pink had lit up the sky and clouds whilst you fought for your survival. The sun was setting and you were still fighting.

♡ Once the battle was one and the injured were healed and Thorin paid people what they were owed, Nori and you sat down together near a dying campfire. You had gotten along since the battle.

♡ He would crack so many jokes it was great! He also liked your jokes. Your favourite thing about his jokes was: they were never about your appearance, or eyes or the fish hat you wore. He would joke about anything!

♡ From teasing his own siblings to laughing at how silly the Elves looked - being all serious. But he showed nothing but adoration for your eyes.

♡ Months passed and Dale was rebuilt. You and Bard had moved into Dale with Bard's children. Nori visited often. You two went fishing, shopping, hiking and scouting together.

♡ Eventually, he started to court you. His antics were amusing. Watching how dwarves court was quite amusing to a human. Nori would steal you items to show his quick fingers, stealth and skills. He'd steal you things he knew you liked.

♡ He squared up against almost any possible rival and even attempted to square up against Bard to win your approval. But Bard denied him and sent him to shop some wood instead.

♡ He didn't need to go the extra mile though. You felt the same for the sneak-thief. He was kind and funny and considerate. What woman wouldn't fall for him? Once you could finally sit him down for a meal, you expressed your feelings for him.

♡ The next day he made a courting braid and asked to braid it into your hair. You gladly accepted and allowed him to gently brush, wash and dry your hair over the next few hours. After the braid was in, you asked if you could do the same.

♡ And so the two of you spent the next few hours together once again, but this time as you brushed, washed and helped re-tie Nori's hair. It was probably the most memorable day you had in a while and you have always cherished the memory ever since.

♡ One day, when you were feeling just a little self-conscious, you asked how Nori felt about you looking different. Being a human surrounded by dwarves more often now...having two different coloured eyes...adults talking about you behind your back despite children adoring your cool fish hat.

♡ It had all just started to get to you and you didn't know how to handle it.

♡ "Darling, you're perfect to me. I don't care if you have blue hair or pink skin. You being human doesn't change how I feel about you...and neither do your eyes." Nori spoke softly.

♡ "Your eyes are like a sunset that meets the ocean. I've fallen in love with those stunning colours of yours." Nori placed his hand against your cheek and rubbed circles with his thumb as you leaned into his touch. Tears were threatening to spill out of your eyes.

♡ "Never change. For anyone. Please...keep being yourself...even if it's just for me. I love you." Nori pulled you into a soft embrace and let you cry out your feelings for as long as you needed. He meant every word he spoke and wanted desperately to show you in some way.

♡ The next day you woke up to a full breakfast-in-bed meal of all your favourite foods and even a nice hot drink for the cold morning. Nori brought you dark blue flowers with orange centers and orange flowers with dark blue ribbows tying them together. He loved your eyes and he really meant it.

♡ He even brought you a hat stand so you wouldn't lose your fish hats. (You had a slight habit of losing them).

♡ He was sweet and thoughtful when he needed to be. <3

~~~

Oin: (Platonic): (Grey and Light Green)

♡ When most people fall into a fictional world, usually it's their favourite. Most of the time, they're minding their own business and not working a 14-hour hospital shift.

♡ Unfortunately, you didn't conform to the norms of society very often and just had to fall through a magic portal as you finally finished clocking off for the night day. Because it was 4am when you finished work.

♡ So you can imagine the company's surprise when a mysterious figure falls from a strange portal in the sky. And when they get closer the stranger is fully decked out in weird blue clothing (scrubs), with their somewhat short hair neatly out of their face and very worn-through shoes.

♡ As if the person did hours and hours of walking in the same shoes every day.

♡ Which you did do.

♡ You're very lucky Gandalf is a super kind person to bring you with them to camp for the night and to look after you, because when you hit the ground it didn't matter that the fall hadn't knocked you out from the impact.

♡ The minute you were laying down in soft grass with the warm sun shining down on you, you were out like a light. You could've slept through a hurricane, tornado siren and nuclear explosion.

♡ Nothing the company did to make sure you were alive and okay the next day, woke you. All they could do was leave you to Gandalf's care as he carefully rode onward whilst making sure you didn't fall off. And hope you didn't hit your head.

♡ When you did finally wake up, you were hungry as fuck.

♡ You ate any food Bombur made and had three serves of dinner. The company was respectful, but cautious of you. They didn't really trust you until you helped treat Ori and Bombur's cooking burns with cold, creek water and some of Oin's herbs.

♡ After they realized you were a doctor they had so many questions. You happily answered any of their medical questions about the body, brain, organs and anything else.

♡ One of the questions they had was regarding your two different eye colours. "How did that happen?" "Does it just happen, or does an accident cause it?" "Is that an injury?" "Does it hurt?" "Is it annoying?"

♡ You patiently answered each question. "I was born with this. One of my eyes slowly darkened until it stopped at this light green and my other grew lighter in colour each day until it was fully grey." "It can be caused by injury, or an accident. Specifically if the accident or injury involves the eye. If the eye is damaged it may lose some melanin - the colouring - and thus change to a lighter colour. But that is not the case for my eyes."

♡ "No, it doesn't hurt. It feels the same to me as your eyes feel for you. I can see perfectly clear and it causes no issues. It isn't annoying, I'm already used to it when I look into mirrors or my water's reflection."

♡ The younger dwarves were especially in awe of your eyes. Despite the whole group growing to like you and come to you for medical aide, Oin especially took a liking to you. He was fascinated by such a young person knowing so much about medicine.

♡ He took you under his wing in this world and taught you all about the different herbs, mushrooms, medieval medicines and other treatments or small surgeries they were capable of performing.

♡ You absorbed all the information quite quickly like a sponge which further impressed the older healer.

♡ When Oin was sleeping early at night, or just resting in general, you would take over as the go-to-medic for the dwarves when they got a small injury, felt sick, or need medicine - like for sleeping better.

♡ You would also make them cups of tea, maybe a nice soup if most of the company caught a cold from icy, freezing rivers that they swam through.

♡ Even though the group wasn't sure about you at first, they really came to appreciate you in their times of need. Especially after the battle for Erebor. If it wasn't for your expert medical knowledge and quick fighting and thinking; Fili, Kili and Thorin (respectively) would've died from their terrible wounds.

♡ They had fought recklessly - though that was mostly Thorin's fault for being foolish - but thanks to your knowledge on healing and stitching, the three recovered quickly and in just a couple weeks they were back up on their feet.

♡ You kept a close eye on them; making sure they weren't going to overwork themselves. After the battle and aftermath cleanup was all sorted, Thorin took over the Throne and ruled as King Under the Mountain. He officially made you Oin's assistant and you basically became a 'royal healer'.

♡ Despite the official title, you decided to help anyone who was in need. Especially young children. The children were always fascinated by your eyes. They thought the colours were incredible.

♡ It was so heartwarming when they'd come back just to give you a drawing they did of you. You decided to set up a picture wall to hang all the lovely drawings. Anytime you felt scared, or were sick, you'd look up at the wall and remember how sweet and brave those kids were.

♡ Oin made sure you never overworked, got proper sleep and meals and he also taught you dwarven sign language so you could treat deaf and hard of hearing patients like Oin, or Bifur.

~~~

Bombur: (Romantic): (Dark Brown with Yellow around one eyes' center)

♡ You were a great cook and fighter. When the spiders of Mirkwood became a massive problem, you were put onto a patrol team that did two rounds around the borders of the forest each day.

♡ After that, you worked hard to make lunch and dinner with the other chefs and cooks. Great feasts for celebrations and small feasts to sing songs around fires with.

♡ So one day when you were preparing a great feast for another fun celebration, a border patrol lead by the Prince of Mirkwood arrived with a large group of dwarves who had been found wandering aimlessly off the path.

♡ You didn't think much of it until they escaped and caused great havoc with their unorthodox exit out of Mirkwood: riding in empty wine barrels out of the backdoor from palace, exiting through the back gate.

♡ Orcs then attacked the dwarves and elves whilst the elves attempted to keep the dwarves from escaping further and the orcs from causing more damage. You watched all this from a distance, killing off the few orcs that attempted to get inside the building.

♡ You couldn't keep track of how much time passed after that, but soon an army of elves were called to arms by the King. Everyone gathered in their armour, grabbing their weapons and standing out the door waiting for further instructions.

♡ You had joined the army, ready to fight against the dwarves that had recently reconquered Erebor. It was for the simple matter of helping the Laketown people who had called for aide since the dragon attack burned down their town.

♡ There were carts of supplies you would all bring to the people who were currently taking refuge in Dale.

♡ The walk to Dale with all the supplies took quite a little while, but when you arrived and saw all the wounded, sick and how desperate everyone was for food - the trip was worth it. Once the King talked with the head of the group and figured out what had happened, he then handed out the supplies.

♡ All the elves got to work: helping the injured and sick with their knowledge of medicine, handing out food, blankets, water and more. You got to work cooking up a massive pot of soup with vegetables and some meat for everyone to have a serving of, as was requested of you.

♡ That was the main reason you were there helping. Your aide in battle was secondary, helping the people was your primary mission.

♡ When the battle began, you did your best to fight off the orc invasion in Dale. There was no reason for you to be fighting up front at the front gate of Erebor when there was a serious battle just at your own feet.

♡ Defending children and the elderly during all the chaos was the most difficult part of the battle. You had to make sure that, whilst they fought and laid finishing blows, they were not hit unaware by orcish archers.

♡ Once the battle was won and the war was over, it was time to help with the aftermath. Burying the dead, tending to the injured, cooking up pots of soup, or stew, for everyone and handing out bread, water and other necessary materials or foods for people to sustain themselves.

♡ The dwarves were allies at this point and did their best to right their wrongs. There was an especially friendly dwarf who came up beside you one evening with more vegetables and meat - exactly what you requested from the dwarves for the next meal - and he even helped you cook it all up.

♡ He knew some herbs that you had never seen before and you taught him some elvish cooking that made food taste more tender and juicy - it was wine, but don't tell the kids.

♡ Over time you got to know your new fellow chef, 'Bombur'. You two spent the next couple weeks cooking food for the hungry masses until everyone had food supplies and shelter to stay at in Dale. Repairs to houses took a while, but once most of the major houses were done for food storage and temporary shelter, you were relieved of duty.

♡ Despite that, whilst the King finished up his business with the dwarven king, Thorin, you continued to hang out with Bombur. Sitting around campfires, cooking smaller meals together, trading jokes, stories, adventures and tales. You grew quite fond of the dwarf.

♡ When it came time for you to return to the palace with the King Thranduil, you promised to write to Bombur and he promised the same.

♡ And you both kept your words.

♡ You sent letters back and forth for many months and occasionally visited the dwarf for special celebrations where he asked for your aide in cooking - an excuse to spend an evening with you.

♡ Many years later, after five full years of courting each other, you both got married and lived together in Erebor. The King Thranduil did not mind your choice in love and wished you luck on your journey.

♡ The King Thorin accepted you fully as another good chef in the kingdom and made sure a feast was prepared for your wedding so you and Bombur could relax and simply enjoy the day together.

♡ Another couple years passed. You were all sitting at a table enjoying a couple beers when Bofur spoke up, teasing Bombur. "Still can't believe you managed to find and romance such a beautiful lady, Bombur. I mean, her unique eye colours," He gestured to your central heterochromia, "...her stunning hair, glowing skin, incredible cooking, gosh Bombur, you're so lucky. I hope I find a pretty wife soon too.." He sighed, taking another swig of his fifth beer.

♡ The alcohol must've been hitting him, so you merely comforted the tired dwarf. "I'm sure there's someone out there waiting for you too, Bofur." You chuckled. "Right, Bombur?"

♡ Bombur was staring at you intensely when you turned to him.

♡ "Bombur?" You tried again, waving a hand in front of his face. "Erebor to Bombur, attention Bombur." You teased. He leaned in closer and you were expecting a kiss, but he hesitated and maintained strict eye-contact.

♡ "Your eyes are slightly different colours!!" He announced excitedly. There was a moment of surprise and silence until the whole table was roaring with laughter.

♡ "You only just now noticed?? We've been married two years!! Courted for five years!! Knew each other for many years before that, how did you not see this?" You gasped.

♡ "I never really took a good look at that...I assumed it was the same in both eyes...I thought it was candlelight most days." He admitted quietly. His whole face was red at this point, so you pinched his cheeks and gave him a quick kiss.

♡ "Darling, I love you! But for Mahal's sake, dear..."

♡ "I know...I'm sorry, love." He shyly offered you his food as an apology and sign of love.

♡ How he didn't notice for all those years remained a damn mystery in your mind. But that was okay, because he was a bit silly, but very sweet.

~~~

Gloin: (Platonic): (Orange and Black)

♡ When you were just a young dwarf, you got separated from your family and lost in a busy marketplace.

♡ Your parents went to look at jewelry whilst you looked at some well made toys and trinkets for children. By the time you were finished looking around...it was too late. You had completely forgotten where they said they were going to be.

♡ You started running around, ducking under people's bags and trays, darting between people and dodging their legs and arms.

♡ Whether it was by fate, luck or chance, when you started to give up your search; sitting down on a stone bench crying, Gloin walked past and noticed your small presence.

♡ He set his groceries down and sat beside you. "What's the matter, lad?" He asked softly, rubbing your back as you desperately tried to sob out coherent words.

♡ But Gloin had a child already and didn't have to spend too long decoding your gibberish to understand you lost your parents and were all alone in distress.

♡ "Aw, that's alright, laddie. Come along, I'll help you find your parents. Hold my hand so you don't get lost and let's go have a look, okay? I'm sure they're looking for you too." He gave you a soft smile and led you back into the centre of the bustling marketplace.

♡ He was correct - your parents had been worried sick looking for you. You apologized and hugged them. They were so relieved and grateful they invited Gloin, his wife and child all to dinner that evening and Gloin happily accepted.

♡ They shared their home address with him and let you two say goodbye before they headed home. You had such a big day, you needed a bath and snack before dinner.

♡ After that fateful day, Gloin and his family had remained good friends with your family and you would play with Gimli quite often. Hide and Seek, I Spy, Tag, you name it - y'all played it.

♡ Gloin would join in too with your own father! It was so much fun running around and squealing when they jumped out from the shadows with a "Boo!"

♡ Gloin was basically an Uncle figure to you. Constant visits, birthday celebrations and presents, babysitting you and Gimli when your parents went on a date night.

♡ And the same with your parents babysitting Gimli so Gloin could treat his love to a nice date night!

♡ When you became a teenager and started an apprenticeship in smithing, you slowly became self-conscious of your eye colours. This was an unusual feeling. Doubt? But also guilt perhaps?

♡ Like a spiraling feeling in your stomach...like your eye colours made you different. Made you stand out...and you felt guilty for it.

♡ You couldn't figure out what was wrong. What went wrong. Spending so many years feeling accepted by Gloin, your family, his family - especially Gimli. None of them even mentioned your heterochromia.

♡ They didn't point it out as if it was a major characteristic of yours, a defining feature, or trait. They always pointed out your creativity, your energetic and bubbly personality.

♡ But since starting the apprenticeship and working alongside other apprentices - they started pointing out how strange, or "different" or "weird" your eyes looked.

♡ These thoughts and confusing feelings kept you up at night. But you didn't dare mention it to anyone. This was a new and strange feeling that you still couldn't put into words.

♡ It felt a little silly that you felt guilty for something you were naturally born with. You couldn't explain how strange that feeling was.

♡ There must've been a noticeable change in your demeanor, however, as everyone started being extra doting and sweeter to you at home.

♡ This went on for months until one day you were sitting outside with Gloin and he asked how you had been feeling recently. "Since starting the apprenticeship." And that's when you broke down into tears.

♡ That small, slightly concerned, question was the final blow to your constant turmoil.

♡ "Aw, lad. I thought you looked a little down recently. Come here, it's okay...shhh...it's all going to be alright, laddie." Gloin hushed, rubbing circles on your back whilst hugging you.

♡ Once you had let out all your pent up emotions, you felt like you could explain how you felt to him. You told him how the other apprentices' comments had been making you feel.

♡ How you felt guilty, doubtful, unconfident, different...the list went on. Gloin didn't interrupt you the entire time you spoke. He simply listened and occasionally nodded. Until you had let all your thoughts out.

♡ You felt embarrassed for breaking down so fast, but Gloin spoke up. "I'm sorry you've been feeling like this for so long, lad." He sighed. "Maybe your eyes are different colours. And maybe you stand out a bit because of that...but that doesn't outshine the rest of you."

♡ "Y'know, everyone starts to feel like that when life gets strange, or difficult. And that's okay. What you've got to remember is the talents you possess. Your skill at crafting things, is who you truly are. The person you want to be - aspire to be! That's who you are. Your appearance will change with time. You might start to go blind...your hair will turn white, but what truly matters is what you do until then."

♡ "If you take their unthoughtful comments to heart, you might miss what's right in front of you by dwelling on how 'different' you feel. Focus on the present, laddie. Focus on this apprenticeship and show those apprentices what true skill and talent looks like! And when you show 'em up and prove their comments useless...well, I hope to be there...standing behind you - watching you shine."

♡ Gloin gave you a big bear hug and ruffled your hair a bit. "Alright, kid." He stood up with a grin. "All these feelings are exhausting and you must be hungry by now. After all, you're still growing." He chuckled and helped you to your feet.

♡ "Let's go get some dinner." The talk you had with him had really helped. You took his advice and ignored what other's said, unless it was advice or about your creations. You were passionate about your creations.

♡ You learned to make lots of different things. From swords and maces, to necklaces and rings. Eventually, you aced the apprenticeship and continued to work at the forge shop - selling your creations and accepting new challenges everyday.

♡ And if you ever had another bad day like that again...Gloin was right there for you - making sure you got back up to your feet and never gave up your passions and dreams.

♡ You were forever glad to Mahal for such an amazing friend.

~~~ The End ~~~

#the hobbit #x reader #thorin's company #fanfiction #heterochromia reader #fluff #headcanons