#like not going to lie but i had no boundaries before because i HATED myself... | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

vaspider · 3 months

Text

Look. A little advice.

Once you get to a certain amount of Known on the internet or a subsection of it, or even in a subsection of a RL group of people, there are going to be people who will make up a version of you which exists only in their heads and which has absolutely nothing to do with who you are. It might better resemble who you were twenty years ago or it might never have had anything to do at all with who you were then or are now.

You cannot stop this. You cannot prevent this. Once you get a certain number of followers or a certain amount of attention, that's going to happen: people will make up stories about you which either look through a fun-house mirror at some small aspect of who you are and twist it and blow it up until it doesn't resemble you at all, or which just have absolutely no basis in fact whatsoever.

This is just another kind of parasocial relationship; it's the kind which really sucks to deal with, because it's so negative and so pervasive. It's very real, and the frustration you feel about it is very real. Nobody wants to be known incorrectly.

But. You can't control this. It's gonna happen. No matter what you say, no matter how precisely you say it, the people who want to misinterpret you will find a way to do so. This doesn't mean 'don't pay attention to what you say,' or 'don't be purposeful and precise with your language,' but it does mean 'don't obsess over the people who are determined to get you wrong.'

You can be the most anodyne, run-of-the-mill, unremarkable human being, and the people who are determined to hate you will find something that they can point to and say 'ha ha! I told you that Spider danced with the devil at midnight! I witnessed it myself!' (It will not help the situation if you are, say, self-admittedly stubborn as fuck, long-winded, and sometimes kinda fucking obnoxious, but please realize that in the end, it doesn't really matter. This is gonna happen no matter what.)

The people who matter will look at what's being said, wrinkle up their foreheads, and say, 'uh, man, it looks like Spider was actually playing with his dog at 9 am?'

That said, if you don't have elephant-thick skin from being a marginalized-gender human being who's been on the internet since before the web had pictures, there are some things you can do to make it easier when people making things up about you starts to get on your nerves:

Establish protocols for when it becomes too much: have someone read your messages, turn off your notifications, have time where you purposefully disengage.

Establish protocols for how you interact, period: "I will block people without guilt if they engage positively with the people who spread untruths about me." "I will answer everything in public so people can't lie about what I said, because it's right there in public." "I will not answer work-related stuff in DMs, that has to go to the work email." Whatever it is, create some boundaries for yourself. Stick to them. The people who push you to bend them aren't doing that for your benefit but theirs.

If you get someone who really hits your Weirdo Alarm, trust it. Yeah, block and report, but also, take screenshots and store them somewhere that isn't easily erased. I have an 'Internet Weirdos' folder, which makes it a little easier to deal with when people start doing things like 'making threats of physical harm to me and my family.' Don't fuss, just take a screenshot and chuck it in the folder. Having that record makes it easier to just forget that it ever happened, because you have a paper trail if anybody starts doing something Real Weird.

Spend time offline, with people who do actually know you.

Don't get lost in the version of you that someone else makes up in order to make up for the shit that's missing in their own life. You aren't required to play the part that someone else is trying to script for you. It is never to your benefit, only to theirs; you gain nothing by standing in that role for them, and you lose precious seconds of your one irreplaceable life.

You could be using those seconds to look at this video of how to pick up a duck, which I think we can all agree is a better investment of your time.

youtube

#internet #Youtube

1K notes · View notes

wrotelovelytears · 2 years

Text

Syn is we 😍

I was asked about my personal favorite synastry aspects and since it would've been short sighted of me to just instantly reply, here's a whole post. (Thanks @lordgoring)

😘As much as I'd like to shit on eighth house synastry, I actually really like it. Its a love hate thing. I would describe it as something that makes you a different person (for the better), regardless if you were ready or not. I've had this type of synastry a lot so I'm fairly comfortable with it, I've experienced profound emotional and socio-personal growth.

😘Saturn conjunction synastry. So I know a lot of people might think this type of relationship I really strict and even boring, however for me I learned the lesson of boundaries with others and with self. It was tough because the same cycle kept repeating until I noticed it was an issue of how well I maintained the boundaries set.

🥰I believe this type of relationship teaches one about their relationship to others and themselves. Also how much they are willing to sacrifice for what they believe in

😘I actually really like Neptune-Venus aspects 🥺👉👈(even when they each other opps). Why? Because I personally have a Neptune-Venus aspect and in synastry its allowed me to vibe with a person when it comes to all things beauty, Earthly and even Spiritually. like we just understand the other person on those levels and I don't have to explain certain things the way I would have to with someone else.

😘So fuck twelfth house synastry, and personally I am thankful for it. While I don't prefer it, I'm allowed to learn about my shadow aspects (or expose the other person to theirs). Being able to see how I act (at certain times), allows me to work on myself and better me.

🥰Now I'm not going to lie and say this can't get bad because one person can be completely in denial about their actions despite them being pointed out. Or one can't project feelings they have about themselves of to the other person. It depends on individuals and if they want to work on themselves.

😘Tenth house synastry isnt that bad, I actually like having this with either folks I work with (bosses especially), or a partner. From my experience I've grown socially (not using the person, but I've experienced being more social because of it). With bosses, it allowed me to grow more job wise (I also did do a lot of work, but they liked me before that). For relationships I felt the need to be more social not only with them, but the world around me and it attracted me opportunities I wouldn't have other wise had.

😘I stg if me and my future spouse don't have sixth house synastry imma flip. I just love doing everyday things with someone (yes one of my top love languages is quality time). I want to be able to speak about emotions, go to sleep, cook, go to the store all that regular stuff with someone because it makes me feel like I matter. I also really love this placement in friendships because it means we willing to help each other with the most simple of things.

😘I sorta really love Leo synastry. I tend to vibe so much with Leos. Idk what about it is but they bring out the parts of me that I forgot about. And help them grow into a more self confident person.

😘omg omg omg 7th house synastry is heaven sent. Yeah I know about the negatives and when your North Node happens to fall in this house, you learn so much from others simply by being in relationship. That does a lot for me being the planet person, and even when I'm the house person I manage to experience some big change in the things ruled by the sign.

Ones I'd rather live without:

😘Fun Fact I dated someone with the same exact birthday as me. Another fun fact it was toxic lmao. What does that have to do with synastry, well let me tell ya. That meant me and this individual acted like mirrors in a way to each other, I was the more timid one (speaking that my rising was in Pisces and theirs barely Aries) who acted more upon what seemed to make things balanced, they were the forward one who acted upon emotions/drive. Literally every placement was a goddamn conjunction and if anyone knows anything about astrology, that's not going to automatically balance out. It in fact did the opposite.

🥰Long story short complete conjunctions in a synastry chart is bound to be full of drama. Its what you do with said drama that makes or breaks it.

😘First house synastry makes me want to bite concrete. I have no actual idea why that shit is so hyped up, its just like the 12th but with less awareness about how you or the other person really acts. I don't care what planet you got (or if you the house person the sign), at some point you'll see the bad traits of the person (sign/ planet held there) and not be aware you do the same damn thing.

🥰This one can even more fall into denial quicker as the ego and outside image is heavily involved with this one.

😘Meet you in hell South Node synastry!! For my folks who believe in past lives, this one at all that. I promise you. For my folks who don't, and believe its more of an aspect of younger you. Its still one of my least favorite things to exist. Like there's no reason why I would (logically) want to date (let alone be around) someone who reminds me of past me or a past of me. Yet the pull is so strong I can't help to do so just to eventually split ways. And the split is always over so shit you knew was going to be a problem later on but decided to ignore in hopes it would change.

😘Fifth House synastry. Sorry my folks who like casual relationships/friendships. I hate them shits and guess what sign falls under it for me 🥴. This house is one that represents creativity, and the only thing I wanted to create was distance because I literally couldn't after a while. While my fifth house is personally empty, almost everyone I had Fifth house synastry in had a stellium in the sign.

😘I! Hate! Venus! Synastry! Why? Almost every relationship I had strong Venus synastry. Do you understand what its like to complete idolize or be idolize by someone just for reality to hit when you didn't need it to. Its ass y'all.

😘Personally, honestly, humbly I don't like Aquarius synastry. It falls both my 1st/12th houses, meaning this is either someone with aspects of myself that needa go, or we both too obtuse to see we the damn problem. I also just don't like being one uped in conversations sorry bout it.

😘Pisces synastry. Hate it, goodnight. You would think it would give them same energy as 12th house. It in fact gives the energy of 8th and 12th gone completely wrong. Its either highly emotional and the most codependent thing to exist. Or the most withdrawn and depressing one. Also idk about others there's always something hidden about this type of relationship (I was a side bitch TWICE and didn't even know 🥴)

Random love notes:

😘Leo placements (Big 6) tend to attract folks younger than them.

😘You might have an annoying attraction to the sign of your North Node if it falls into your 4,7 ,8 or 10th house.

🥰You might also attract people into your life that have the sign constantly until you embody it more, then you might have an equal attraction to your both North and South Node signs.

😘Whatever sign falls into your fifth, I promise you y'all better friends than lovers. I've seen it not only with me but other folks.

😘If you have Aqua as your rising (or most prominent sign) look at your 11th house for the types of relationships you end up having.

🥰Whatever planets (asteroids as well) in there will be the themes gone over. Whatever sign is there is the type of person and where you meet them.

😘Personally I believe Geminis and Scorpios make great friends and trash lovers. One wants to be more emotional and the other wants to by pass issues a lot faster.

😘Your 12th house might hint to the relationships that complete you. You may find yourself very attracted to the 12th house sign, especially if your chart ruler there.

😘Speaking of chart ruler, the house/sign holding it has the themes you love and hate the most about your relationships. If any other planets (including Lilith, Chiron and Part of Fortune) are there expect their themes to be hated favorites as well.

🥰9th house Taurus as chart ruler holder: You enjoy the self esteem boost given via the same beliefs had. What you don't like is the stubbornness around how foreign things.

Welp im out of things to talk about and my brain kinda hurting now :) thanks for asking again :)

(If you learned something new or would just like to support me you can leave a wittle tip via the tip button or one of the links in my bio 🧸)

#astro tumblr #astrology #astro notes #astrology observations #astroblr #astro observations #astrology tumblr #nymph hums #nymph writes astrology #synastry #synastry chart #love astrology

233 notes · View notes

theewriterdiaries · 4 months

Text

Maybe. - Journal Entry #2

When I read your words, I cried. You thought it was out of sadness, but it was anger. Anger wasn’t a new emotion for me, but a common phrase I’d made my motto was, “disappointed but not surprised.” Cliché, I know. But sometimes cliché and mundane things are the most real.

I wanted closure, and to be honest, I still don’t have it. It’s a myth that you ever get true closure. I never tried to get closure from you because it was clear to me that I wouldn’t receive any even if I tried. The truth is you weren’t a bad person. But you did a really terrible thing that I couldn’t forgive. And then you made me seem like the bad guy.

If I set boundaries, I became uptight, bitchy, and a bad friend because I wasn’t willing to tolerate everything I’d sat there and tolerated in the past. If I told you the truth, I became a liar, because apparently my jealousy was making me say rash things.

I told you I was sorry, but I lied. I am not usually the one to become all egotistical and say that I did absolutely nothing wrong. But this time, I truly felt like I didn’t. Even now, looking back, I can’t think of a single thing I would’ve changed. I don’t regret leaving, and I think you truly thought I would come back to you eventually. I think you truly believed that time would heal everything and that I would just come running back to you and tell you I was sorry. You only thought this because I’d done it all those times before.

But even now, years later, I don’t forgive you. I don’t know if I ever will be able to. You hurt me, betrayed me, lied to me, took advantage of me, and then expected me to forgive you in the blink of an eye all because I’d been so forgiving in the past.

I loved you. I loved you so much. And while I know that my words have a harsh, bitter sting to them, it’s only because I loved you so much that I say these words so harshly. You were there for me in my darkest times. You saw the darkest side of me, a side I wouldn’t show to anyone else. Can I ever be that vulnerable with anyone ever again, I ask myself sometimes. Because the fear that maybe they’ll betray me the way you betrayed me haunts me.

You told me you’d changed, but you knew how many times I’d heard those same words from him. Him. The one you had warned me to leave. You knew his words were falsities. I never took your advice.

The confusion you had when I chose to leave you so soon, yet stayed with him for so long pains me. I know you were confused and hurt, and I didn’t mean for it to seem like I was doing it to spite you. Truly, I left because I could not handle being with someone who’d betray me so quickly. I’d learned my lesson, I’d grown, I realized where to draw the line. And while I know that, to you, it seemed unfair because I gave him hundreds of chances and hardly even given you a second chance, it’s because I had finally realized my worth.

You meant so much to me which is why it hurt so badly.

I don’t mean to make you feel like shit. I understand that these words probably feel like salt in the wound. You finally apologized, and the apology was beautiful. I wanted to believe it, but the words on that paper could’ve been just as much of a lie as the ones you had told me for eight months. How could I ever trust you again?

And maybe that was my fault for not trusting you again. For letting my fears and trust issues get in the way of our friendship. But maybe my emotions were valid. Valid because you lied to me and hurt me, and sometimes “sorry” doesn’t undo the damage.

I know it was only one fight and I know we had been friends for so long. How could I let the friendship go after one fight? But I hope that someday you can find the strength to know your worth the way I was able to find mine.

I don’t hate you. I never did. Even in the midst of everything. Even now, when I realize I may never be able to forgive you.

You were so good to me, and I am not going to let the hurt and pain blur or dull all of the good memories I know I can hold onto for a lifetime.

Maybe someday we’ll see each other in a grocery store and share a laugh or two. We’ll have kids and a spouse and a good career. We’ll be living the life we always wanted. And maybe this hurt will fade away and all that will be remembered are the good times.

Maybe.

8 notes · View notes

ceasarslegion · 1 year

Note

Alright I just watched a disastrous date go down at the restaurant I was in (woman getting the cold shoulder from the wait staff after asking if her date left while she was in the restroom) so now I gotta know your ramen story, pretty please ☕️ ☕️

LMAO???

Alright so uh, sit down for this one I guess.

Picture me a few months ago. It was still warm out, I was a bit lonely, I go on tinder. I end up striking up a nice conversation with someone who seemed very similar to me. Third culture kids have very unique lifestyles so when we find each other we tend to cling, especially when that person grew up in the same general area you did and came from the same general parent culture. This was what got us talking in the first place.

The guy seemed nice, okay? Articulate, funny, approachable, and easy to keep a conversation with (which is rarer than the diamond itself for the tinder population, who communicate so little it makes me wonder if I missed a telepathy patch somewhere). So I thought hey, why the hell not, right? Let's go to dinner.

I'm a really big meat-eater who can and has eaten everything from chicken hearts to beef tongue and I enjoyed both of them. My dad's side of the family are cattle ranchers in a province only known for two things: oil and beef. I grew up in the part of the middle east that consumes some form of spiced meat in every damn meal, snack, and candy. I was doomed from the start, bro. No part of me could even be vegetarian. I order my steak blue rare at the places that let me. I drink tall glasses of milk with every dinner. I buy family sizes of meat cuts at the grocery store for myself.

No word of a fucking lie, my mom kept this baby book writing down milestones and personality quirks with me, and under the section that says "my favourite food is..." it just says "MEAT: ALL" underlined 3 times. I was meant to be some kind of obligate carnivore but god decided to curse me for my hubris by placing my soul in the body of an omnivorous ape.

Anyway. I suggest ramen for dinner because it's a good crowd pleaser thats really hard to fuck up for a first date. I mean, who doesn't like noodle soups? I usually order it with pork belly, but I was really craving beef that night so I ordered beef ramen with extra beef and a fried egg on top with a cup of green tea

Apparently, this was an issue.

I thank the waiter and he heads off with our orders. I am greeted by a facial expression i can only describe as "moral fury disguised as vague disappointment."

I immediately start getting an earful about how disgusting it is to eat animal flesh and how I should be ashamed of myself for promoting "speciesism" while calling myself an anti-racist. "Speciesism" was a term I have never heard before that day, and I still think it's fucking stupid to compare eating meat to full-blown racism.

I start pointing out that I have no issue with how he decides to eat, but it's a massive overstep of personal boundaries and a very presumptive and self-righteous move to act like he had any right to tell someone else how to eat. Plus, the shit he was spouting about livestock rearing and byproduct sourcing were straight up untrue and made up by PETA. Plus, I hate to break it to him, but cows are not humans. They aren't. They just aren't, and if he can't understand that then he shouldn't be taking care of them and he definitely shouldn't be acting like he should.

I am not the most held back individual when it comes to these things. I have a big blunt mouth and I don't have much of a concept of a filter. I acknowledge that about myself and try my hardest to only argue things i have immediate credible evidence for, because I know that I always come off as emotionally-charged because of my big blunt mouth. But oh, oh boy. Oh man did he not like that.

The argument keeps escalating and escalating until our food gets served. He decides to make a very exaggerated barf gesture at the beef and egg in my bowl. C'mon, bro. But you wanna be petty? Alright, I can be petty too. I looked him dead in the eye while I picked out chunks of only egg and beef with my chopsticks and ate it. I made constant comments on how good the meat was and how much I loved the texture and juiciness of it. He gave me a very charged silent treatment the whole time.

We mutually ghosted each other after that night.

44 notes · View notes

iwasthewind · 10 months

Note

I have like 2 questions lol

Do you have any childhood Monoma hcs

What in the ever loving toast crunch is a "Spiral Cat"?

Anon, two hours after you sent this ask, I had half my answers typed out. A plethora of hcs. I giggled to myself as I tapped away. There was a wine glass filled with cranberry juice in my hand. (That was a lie. It was a normal glass with guava juice.) I was happily sniggering and wondering how I'd explain what a Spiral Cat is (is the name not explanation enough? It's a Spiral Cat/j) when something truly dreadful occurred- someone called my name.

I looked up, smiling, my phone in my hands. "I got you a new candle!" They said. I gasped, delighted.

I cleared the tab.

AFSHJSSKSKSK FORGIVE ME, HORROR SLOWLY DAWNED ON MY (BEAUTIFUL/J) FACE AND I STARED, APPALLED. THE LIGHT WAS SUCKED OUT OF MY EYES. MY SKIN TURNED SALLOW. MY BONES TURNED TO DUST.

I procrastinated after that, sorry agsjsjsnsk. Anyway, here you go!

Monoma was one of those kids who tried to act really grown up and it came off as just alarming and/or funny sometimes. He tried to use big words and sometimes either didn't know what they meant, or butchered them- you can guess how that turned out 💀. It's a habit that he didn't really grow out of.

I feel like Monoma really clung on to things that had little value to others.

He wouldn't let his parents discard dying plants, torn clothes, chipped vases or the like. "The plants can get better! The vase looks okay when you turn it this way! I can wear this shirt when I play in the sand!"

He'd get so distressed when they tried to argue that they'd relent every time.

As a result, current Monoma's room back home is completely cluttered with old things. The number of cupboards and drawers is ever increasing, but he refuses to part with any of it.

A handkerchief belonging to a friend-turned-bully. A broken fountain pen that used to belong to someone who was a friend before she moved away. Old notebooks filled with silly drawings and stories. His (now deceased) cat's old collar and toys that he refuses to let the current one use. A half painted vase. A stained friendship band.

Monoma had trouble retaining friends. He 𝘮𝘢𝘥𝘦 them easily enough, but it was difficult to connect with him and they'd usually find someone they got along with better and slowly leave.

As a result, he got along well enough with everyone, but there were no actual, close friends in the picture and nobody to defend him when he really needed someone to. It got a little lonely sometimes. Until it didn't, because-

"It's just bread! Moron!"

A cat. 𝘛𝘩𝘦 Cat. It was an ugly tabby with claws and teeth that were too long, and fur that was too matted and dirty, and a hiss that was far louder than any he'd ever heard before. Everything about it was "too much-" her eyes were too dark, too cruel, she was too plain, too aggresive-

Cats scared Monoma, but for this one he felt nothing but pity.

"I got you bread, Tsundere. What- stop with the face. It's bread. B-R-E-A-D."

He didn't quite understand what trauma was, but he figured it looked something like this.

He never really managed to domesticate Tsundere, and even though he gave in to his parents' wishes and agreed to gymnastics and french lessons, he wasn't allowed to bring the cat into the house unless it rained or snowed.

The cat didn't care about such trivial human boundaries. It was their fault- why leave the windows open?

Tsundere, at this point, was too used to being called Tsundere and refused to respond to any other names.

She hated being touched too much and really was a Tsundere, but when Monoma was sick- it really wasn't too bad- she panicked, was inconsolable and remained pressed against his side, purring and trying to make him feel better. She did not make a move to eat for hours, not until Monoma forced her.

She died two years later (she was old) and it was Monoma's turn to be inconsolable.

Is this how you write hcs I've never actually done this before

Moving on

Monoma watched a lot of Ghibli movies when he was very smol, so most of them flew over his head

He really loved the aesthetic, though

He wanted to dress up as Howl for Halloween, but where could you find a Howl costume for a seven year old? Perhaps if you tried-

His grandmother cackled and dressed him up as Calcifer. He still has the costume.

I honestly feel like his parents were physically very present, but emotionally quite absent in his life. They were also overwhelmingly pragmatic sometimes.

"Consider it, Neito. It may never work out. You cannot become a hero with your quirk."

They never really taught him to socialize, or to differentiate between right and wrong. He had to navigate those waters largely on his own.

As a result, some relationships (platonic or otherwise) were pleasant, some were painful and some were just bland. All of them were learning experiences, though.

He has ADHD. He doesn't know it. His middle school teachers brought it up to his parents, who dismissed it with a flick of the wrist and "it's alright, he can manage."

He couldn't manage. An older Monoma with a diagnosis and medication was royally pissed when he found out they already knew.

"You could have told me! Do you think it was easy?! Do you know how many breakdowns I've had? The difficulties I ran into at school? The issues I've had with my self worth? Of course it's easy for you, but it was 𝘯𝘰𝘵 so for me!"

He loved sweet things with a burning passion

He read the first few chapters of Coraline when he was younger, and only touched the book again when he read it with Reiko in UA.

He accidentally ran headfirst into the world of fanfiction at ten, looked over the edge, underestimated the drop and jumped without a parachute.

He has AO3 (he loves it), Quotev (it's good), Deviantart(rarely uses it), Tumblr (meh, sometimes good) and Wattpad ("why do children keep coming here? I hate this").

Reads fanfiction (and writes it as well) but has a tendency to discontinue or have really long hiatuses

Setsuna keeps harping on and on about a wonderful fanfiction that the author discontinued. Monoma who forgot to update it one time and consequently forgot it existed:

She wasn't pleased when she found out

Oh shoot you wanted childhood hcs

What has this turned into

I'm so sorry I'm vv distracted rn but I feel like I need to post this already (it's been way too long ahzjakksk)

#ily for your patience anon (although you've probably forgotten you requested this by now and it's what I deserve)#monoma neito #monoma hcs #bnha #reiko yanagi #mha #idk don't hesitate to ask for more #or even oneshots lmaoo #sheesh I shouldn't have forgotten to do this if was fun #drink lots of water and eat well anon #setsuna tokage #iwasthewind

16 notes · View notes

problemama · 3 months

Text

TW: CSA mention, Proshipping topics

My experience as a "proship" minor.

You know, when I was a 10 year old and first made an account on MySpace behind my parents back, I did so with this understanding that I was ultimately entering a space that was not made with my needs in mind.

By this point in my life I already had my experience with csa (long before I had any internet access) so I already had my own guard up and it's kinda bizarre to see how so many minors today just have... ZERO idea how to navigate the internet with the same saftey that i had figured out at 10. I think its because adults to bother teaching them how anymore. Back then, I was encouraged to never give out my real name or age to people, and while I could make friends with people online, I should still approach every relationship with caution and awareness. People can lie about their own age and intentions, liberal use of blocking was very much my best tool for personal safety.

However, I was also a pretty troubled kid as far as sexuality goes... my family wasn't exactly open to talking about any sexual topics with me after my assault. They would honestly rather I repressed it. Not exactly a healthy solution. It pushed me to actively seek out nsfw content online but seeing real people engage in it made me super uncomfortable and going onto porn sites made me feel unsafe. You know what didn't do that? Fiction. Art and Writing. Fiction with characters I was attached to and knew about.

This ultimately meant a lot of characters that were my age. And it was mainly cartoon characters. Your Kim Possibles, Jenny Wakemens and the sort. Kim/Shego shipping was a HUGE help for comic to terms with my identity as a lesbian and yeah, it's likely got a significant age gap to it that people today would consider "proship" (the term didn't really exist back then) I can't overstate how glad I am that people weren't so vocal about shaming those kinds of ships at the time because it was legitimately my own sexual outlet. I didn't have the experience to write a good sex scene myself so reading about it in comics and fics was the next best thing, otherwise I worry I mightve put myself in ACTUAL danger by pursuing the experience irl.

I think we forget the ultimate use of fiction as a tool for exploring both ourselves and the world in the safest way. We are drawn to dark fictional content like murder and horror for the same reasons another person might be drawn to sex and the taboo and trying so hard to repress those will just harm the people who benefit from it. (I.e. the 10 year old abuse survivor in need of an outlet)

I do mean it when I say I sympathize with antis/anti-proship folk. Their end goal is just to encourage safer spaces for minors online, but that's not something you get through full on censorship and policing adult spaces and social media. It's by spreading awareness. Teaching them the warning signs of a predator, telling them to make an alias and avoid private dms with adults/people you don't know, watch for adults who overstep their boundaries and address it when you see it. Proship people should also be doubly-aware of how those in their own circle behave, as much as you might hate it- minors WILL find their way in and they could be some of the most vulnerable people. If I had it my way, it would be mandatory lesson in grade school but sadly, it's not.

I won't expect to convince anyone that they're approaching the issue wrong but I hope you can keep this one perspective in mind at the very least.

#pro fiction #profic #proship #proshipping #discourse #heads up im not going to respond to any replies or reblogs on these diacouse posts #just putting the points out there and leaving them #csa mention #fandom #anti proship #antiship #blah blah

5 notes · View notes

breeofbree · 2 years

Text

Friendly waters

Kisame x fem!reader

Summary: Kisame had one secret. A childhood friend that he cherished and loved. Y/N made her feelings clear, but Kisame vouched to stay as friends with his line of work and distrust of himself. After leaving the village, he returns for one last time.

Warnings: mentions of violence and death. Angst

(I'm sorry i took a long break but I'm back and should have several posts within the next few weeks :))

“Kisame! You should come in and feel the water, it’s almost perfect tonight!” A teenage Y/N calls out to the figure slumped on the beach. After several moments with no reply and Kisame unmoving, Y/N retreats slowly back on to land with only the moonlight guiding her. She kneels in front of him, recoiling slightly as he turns away from her.

“Hey, this isn’t like you. What’s going on with you lately? If I pushed boundaries, I understand. But I figured you should know how I feel, Kisame.” She huffs, resting her delicate hand on his broad shoulder. A minute of silence passes before he grips her hand with his tightly and sighs with a toothy smirk,” Y/N, it would be best for both of us if we didn’t go any further. I don’t like keeping secrets, so you should know, I won’t be here much longer.”

“You only came here, because you’re leaving now. Aren’t you?” She breathes disappointedly, pulling her hand away and returning her gaze back to the water. It was a gut feeling, this was Kisame’s own pathetic way of a goodbye.

“it’ll be easier on the both of us. You could never be with someone like me. If you’re gentle waters, I’m crashing waves.” He says, wincing at the twisted pain in Y/N’s laugh,” then why did you even bother to come? To lead me on one last time before you disappear?”

“Y/N, I-“ as Kisame calls her name, he tries to grasp her one last time, only to be pushed away and cut off,” you don’t have to explain any further. I get the message loud and clear. You hate to live in a world of lies, but you just run away from yours. Maybe I’ll see you come to face them if I ever see you again, Kisa.”

The pang in Kisame’s chest at her nickname for him makes him falter and take a few steps back, watching as Y/N trudges back to the waters and lay gracefully down so the waves could carry her almost too still body. Running a hand through his hair, Kisame drops Samehada bluntly and stalks to the water. Like the prey she was, Kisame stalked Y/N. Disappearing under the water and only surfacing again right beside her. The once calm waters churn, swaying Y/N further from shore. Kisame’s eyes glow menacingly as he snarls,” I don’t lie, Y/N. I run away because I’d rather you don’t see the side of me that I hide. The side that kills with no hesitation, the side that has tainted these very waters with innocent blood. The side that prevents me from ever loving another person, especially you. I hide it because I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if something were ever to happen to you.”

Water splashes against Y/N’s face, concealing the tears falling from her eyes as she locks her gaze with the full moon. She knew one day Kisame would realize the lies he told himself, and she would still be here, floating gracefully in calm waters. But for now, she let him go right with all her hopes and dreams. She would focus on bettering her career and be ready for the day she would see him again, no matter how long it would be.

—————————————————

Y/N was now a Jonin, training her own team of Genin. The terror of the fourth Mizukage was no longer, the fifth ushering in changes all around Kirigakure. Y/N could openly look at her Genin without the fear of having to watch them be slaughtered before they could even climb in rank. She was there to watch and even participated in the reason they were called the Blood Mist Village. Almost all of the Jonin in the village felt they could no longer wash the blood from their hands, but still attempted to make change. Y/N would suffer through the memories at night, tossing and turning in bed as the nightmares full of slaying teammates and dried blood consumed her. But tonight was different, visions of a shark like predator clawing at her from murky waters, and ultimately screaming for no one to hear from below the surface as the air in her lungs ran out.

She wiped at her sweaty face, panting and heart racing as the sheets clung against cold and sweaty skin. Y/N regretfully decided to go to the beach and cool down regardless of the nightmare she just witnessed. It had been years since Y/N had come to the location that housed many of her memories, but it was almost as if the location was beckoning to her, enticing her with the completely still surface. Y/N was finally lulled to a sense of calm, automatically stretching for the water and diving in. After what felt like hours, she floated lazily on her back and gazed at the full moon that bathed her in its light.

“You gotta pull yourself together. What’s in the past, stays in the past. You’re an adult now with people depending on you. Get over the fact you’re a killer. That you’ve killed innocent and even guilty lives. It’s all in the line of your work. You chose this life, just live with it.” Y/N rambles to herself out loud, letting her words carry in to the night.

“I try to live with my mistakes everyday, Y/N.” A husky voice whispers as a hand wraps around Y/N’s torso. The memory of her nightmare comes crawling back as Y/N thrashes against the stranger that pulls her to their chest. Defenseless, she tries to resort to screaming, but is cut off as a familiar feeling hand clamps over her mouth and a calming shush against her ear. The heaving of their chest against Y/N’s back ripples the water around them, and the tight hold they have prevents her from seeing the familiar face in the distorted reflection. Looking down, the soft blue color covering her mouth makes her heart race even more. Was it fear? Maybe anger. Even sadness and longing.

“I apologize for arriving unannounced, but I appreciate the words of wisdom.” Kisame chuckles, slowly releasing Y/N back to float freely. He waits anxiously, staring in to her moonlit eyes as she stares back blankly.

“You asshole! I’ve waited months… years! And you think you can just sneak up on me in open waters? If I’d been in the right mind you could’ve been hurt, and there’s still a chance you will be!” Y/N rips in to him, wading closer to Kisame as all the years of hoping just to see a glimpse of the man she pined for, reaches a culmination right in the pit of her stomach. Twisting and turning, the mixed emotions lash from her tongue, smacking right against Kisame as his pride flushes away.

“And this whole time… this whole time, I’ve never attacked when snuck up on from behind. Because a little piece of me, was always hoping it was you.” Tears flowed freely down Y/N’s pain stricken face, no waves coming to her rescue to conceal them this time. Kisame shuffles forward, ripples in the water connecting the distance between the two in a heartbeat like pulse. Stretching his hand out, Kisame gingerly pushes the tears from her stained cheeks before resting it softly on the spot he had just wiped.

“Y/N, I was a fool. I still am. Hell, I’m worse than I was before. But you were always right. I ran. I always do. It’s the only thing I do better than killing, It’s in my blood. Just like you, just like the rest of the village. But unlike me, you didn’t run. You didn’t lie. That makes you stronger than I ever will be. I ran away and told myself I didn’t love you because you were always stronger than I could ever be. I put myself in a position that’ll ultimately kill me, most likely soon. And I can’t die without you knowing, that I love you too.” Kisame’s words cascade to the water below them, like a powerful and raging waterfall finally releasing as a dam breaks. He blinks away the salty tears pooling in his own eyes, knowing he was being hunted to be killed by the leaf. Kisame could only think of his regret of not doing this sooner. Maybe, he could’ve lived a somewhat normal life for a few years with Y/N. Now, it was days at best. Her tears trickle down Kisame’s fingers that rest against her now heated cheek, a sob caught painfully in her throat that begs to be released. Choking it down, Y/N gazes down to the water and sighs,” I know you’ll find a way to survive. It might just be one of the times you should actually run. But you’re here, with me instead. You should leave, Kisa.”

“No, I’ve accepted it. There’s no more running. Only fixing what I’ve broke before it’s too late. All I ask, if you still love me, spend one last night… with me.” Kisame heaves the last two words as he drops his hand back to his side, once again putting distance between them. The gap doesn’t last long before Y/N barrels in to him, smashing her face in to Kisame’s chest as the sob she managed to choke down finally claws it’s way out.

Shocked, Kisame only embraces her and drops his head onto hers, fingers tangling loosely through the hair that falls from her forehead protector.

“I’ll stay. I’ll help fight, even if it makes me a criminal. I’ve never wanted much in life, only ever you. And I can’t lose that when I’ve just got you back!” Y/N slams a fist harshly against his chest, prepared to be exiled or even killed to stay in his arms. The feeling of being embraced by the man she’s always wanted was intoxicating, like a food pill or even a drug. Worse than a bottle of sake, it was even more addicting than the things she’s used to try and wash the memories of him away.

“No, there are bigger things happening, Y/N. For that to happen, I have to go alone. If I must die for a better world, then let it happen. I’m only a pawn in this massive plan. It was always my destiny to die fighting. You will not become a criminal just to watch me die.” Kisame grabs for her pounding fist against his chest and holds it tightly against the sky hued skin over his heart, which was now racing at her soft touch. Y/N’s head cocks up, revealing bloodshot and longing eyes, matching Kisame’s. He strokes the hair from her face with his free hand, before resting two fingers against her forehead in a tapping like manner.

“What are you doing?” Y/N chokes a chuckle through her gravelly throat. Kisame chuckles back,” I picked it up from a… friend. I think I finally understand why he did it.”

The two fingers travel slowly to Y/N’s chin, tilting her head up and guiding her lips to his, meeting in a slow and needing kiss that neither of them hurry to break. After what felt like a lifetime and only a second all at once, they finally break apart and head to the beach to rest. As her head lays in Kisame’s lap, Y/N gazes up to his wandering eyes full of fear and questions.

“Well, we have all night. Tell me about this friend.” Y/N huffs, trying to keep his flowing thoughts at bay.

“Itachi was my partner. I seen a lot of you in him. He never flaunted how strong he truly was, and his only goal or passion was his little brother Sasuke. Sasuke killed him in battle, but… it’s what Itachi wanted. Spending all that time with him, made me realize I needed to come to terms with everything else. It’s what he would’ve wanted. It’s what I want.” Kisame smiles softly, silently promising Itachi he would most likely see him soon.

“Sounds like he did something I never could’ve done… Get through that thick skull of yours.” Y/N chides, tapping her fist against his arm playfully. Kisame flashes a toothy grin down to her and kisses her once again. He had to get in the years he had went without it, and the years he’ll miss.

The two didn’t move until the sun began peeking over the water line, signaling the end to their night. With a last kiss and a teary goodbye, Kisame reaches two fingers out once again, it only felt right,” until we meet again, Y/N.”

————————————————————————

“Y/N! Where have you been, the ceremony has already begun and you’re Genin are waiting!” Mei, the fifth Mizukage grinds out from between her teeth while meeting at Y/N’s side in the corridor before the ceremony grounds outside.

“Just had to stop by to see an old friend.” Y/N huffs out of breath, having just ran from the beach.

Her mind was distracted, watching as her Genin became chunin, others joining along. Blank face as parents took pictures and shook her hand. Y/N finally grasps on to reality when a smaller hand grabs hers, calling out her name. She looks down to see her student Kiku, her usually messy jet black hair wrapped in to two buns so she could proudly show off the newly placed forehead protector.

“Y/N sensei, are you alright?” She gasps, tugging at Y/N’s hand to guide her away from the increasing crowd and on to the stone barrier that separated the courtyard and their teams training ground. Y/N tenderly crouches down to her knees and smirks at the younger girl before her, resting two fingers against the new and shiny headband that boasts their village sign,” because of you Kiku, I think I’ll be just fine.”

As Kiku nods, Y/N could only catch a quick glimpse of red and black perching on a distant building behind the young girl before quickly flickering away. One day, she would see Kisame again, maybe in this life or the next. But she knew, he was always with her when there was calm waters.

#kisame #kisame x y/n #kisame imagines #kisa #kisame x reader #kisame hoshigaki #naruto imagines

39 notes · View notes

lost-jams · 10 months

Text

Brushes And Beats chapter 07

pairing: JiminxReader

genre: fluff with a pinch of angst

trope: enemies to lovers

:That awkward moment when u don't know what to say:

Y/n's POV

present time,

I never thought I would find myself in this predicament. Well I met a fair share of personalities all through my 26 years as a human but non like Jimin. He can be the infuriating, mean, mischiveous HE IS UNDENIABLY THE MOST AGGRAVATING YET THE MOST captivating person I have ever encountered. His talent was unmatched, his charisma undeniable.

"Gosh Birdy, take a picture it lasts longer" I found myself jolted from my thoughts as Jimin's voice cut through the air, and I quickly averted my gaze, feeling my cheeks burn with embarrassment.

"Oh, believe me, Jimin, some sights are not worth capturing forever." trying hard to mask my embarrassment with a hint of sarcasm. However, as the laughter in his eyes faded, replaced with a teasing gleam I had grown accustomed to, I found my irritation slipping. His talent was undeniable, and despite his infuriating personality, his charisma was captivating in an aggravating sort of way.

"Oh, really?" he might say, his eyes twinkling with amusement. "Yet, it seems your gaze always finds its way back to me. Why is that?" I rolled my eyes, attempting to brush off his comment. "Please, Jimin, don't flatter yourself. You may be the center of attention, but that doesn't mean I have any interest in you." Lie

I hated how my brain played dirty tricks pulling up embarrassing scenarios where my body reacted of its own accord, heat pooling at my belly at just mere glances from him. It was both frustrating and exhilarating; a strange dance of denial and acceptance that left me frazzled.

Despite his insufferable smirks, constant jibes, and relentless pranks, those golden moments of sincerity from him were enough to make me question everything. The frenzy I found myself wrapped up in was confusing, irking, and yet all-consuming. The constant tussle between professionalism and unaddressed desire... It was a restless symphony that left me out of tune.

These embers, though unacknowledged, were quietly igniting a blaze. I feared that if left unattended, this flame might consume me whole. For someone who had seen through my defenses, breaching boundaries I didn't know existed, Jimin was an anomaly I wasn't equipped to handle. Confronting this unnamed want was a daunting task, where fear and desire engaged in a relentless battle.

Despite my best efforts to steer clear of any sentiment beyond professional courtesy, the undeniable attraction towards Jimin was a constant nagging at the back of my mind. I often found my gaze lingering a moment too long on him - his hands conducting a symphony as he moved, or the way his lips curved when he smiled, a spark in his eyes that was quite catching. It was obvious, much to my chagrin, that this was more than a mere infatuation.

" Lie" He says "You are still looking" clearing my throat " I was just admiring my impeccable makeup skills" he laughed raising his hands up in mock surrender. Before I knew I was smiling too

"You are so...you" he smiled wryly, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

You are so, you

So You

So U

So Ugly

Ugly

I couldn't help but feel a pang of hurt at his words. Sometimes I wish I had amnesia because I would very much love to have a sector of my memories to go down the drain, more like a person

Min Yoongi,

A shiver ran down my spine as I remembered his icy words, "It's quite impossible not to cheat on you." The way he said it, so blunt and matter-of-fact, still haunted me. As if my worth was dependent on his fidelity and appealing to his whims, enough for him to choose loyalty over betrayal. As if I were some hindrance, a tough algebra problem that he just couldn't solve. His harsh words, tainted with a sour taste of reality, were just a vivid reminder of how he saw me - as someone he could cheat on because I was simply... me.

When he said, "Every time I'm near you, I feel repulsed. You are so ... you", it was like a punch to the gut. I remember my heart tearing itself to shreds, the impassive look in his eyes fueling my nightmares. Apparently, "you" was synonymous with something odious, something to be discarded, not cherished. His words, such an open display of revulsion, took a toll on my self-worth. I couldn't help but flinch at the thought of his disgust stripping me bare, his words echoing through the hollow cavern of my mind where my self-love should be.

His demeaning comments have become a ghost, lingering in the back of my mind and making appearances at the most inconvenient moments. Each time my reflections strayed towards Yoongi, the same question gnawed at me: Was I truly repellent, or was Yoongi merely fail-proof at hitting all the tender spots aptly? As much as I would love to believe otherwise, confronting the possibility that he might have been right was a terrifying thought, one that kept me up late into the night more times than I cared to admit. He made me feel ugly.

I flinched, feeling wamrth on my shoulder, Jimin reached out and gently placed his hand on my arm, looking straight into my eyes "Hey, are you okay?"

I frowned at the comment, "what?" I responded, confused by the sudden concern. Jimin's concerned gaze softened as he continued, "I noticed you wince just now. Are you alright?"

I took a deep breath, trying to shake off the residual pain from my memories of Yoongi. "I'm fine, Jimin. Just lost in my thoughts for a moment," I replied, forcing a smile.

"Thoughts of me?" Jimin asked playfully, a mischievous glint in his eyes. I chuckled at his attempt to lighten the mood. "Sorry, Jimin," I said with a smirk, "you're not the only one who occupies my thoughts."

"Well. then I must confess, I have some competition," Jimin said, raising an eyebrow in mock jealousy? "competiton?" I asked curiously as a smirk tugged at the corner of my lips. Jimin leaned in closer, a playful smile dancing on his lips. "The only one...whose thougts should get you lost in a trance...should be mine, Birdy"

"And why is that?" I asked, not entirely sure where this conversation was heading but intrigued nonetheless.

Jimin leaned even closer, his voice barely above a whisper now.

SO CLOSE

"Has anyone ever told you how beautiful your eyes are, Birdy?" Taken back by his unexpected compliment, I could feel my cheeks flush with a warm blush."That doesn't answer my question" I replied, trying to regain my composure despite feeling flustered by Jimin's charm.

"Well, it should, otherwise you must really be having a bird brain" Jimin grinned mischievously, clearly enjoying his own wit. I couldn't help but roll my eyes at his pun. I could feel is finger lightly tracing circles on the back of my hand, sending shivers down my spine, he travels up my arm, his touch igniting a spark within me.continued to trace it slowly along my skin, electrifying every nerve in my body, soon he was at the base of my chin and gently lifting causing me to close my eyes, my heart pounding in my chest.

"heh" I heard a chuckle...A CHUCKLE HE IS PLAYING WITH ME I opened my eyes to find Jimin smirking, amusement twinkling in his eyes. "You really fell for that, didn't you?" he teased lightly.But before I could lunge at him and rip his head off, he quickly moved my face to right and planted a kiss.

"I'm glad you did"

"I..I..Jimin...you...I"

I stammered, lost for words. Jimin simply chuckled and pulled away, leaving me stunned and speechless. As I stood there, trying to comprehend what had just happened, a mix of emotions washed over me.

kiss

Jimin

cheek

JIMIN KISSED ME ON MY CHEEK

GOD...IT'S ME AGAIN.

to be continued...

chapter 06 || chapter 08

hehe...

2 notes · View notes

blue-mood · 1 year

Text

Venting on Kit's situation

First of all, as an unlabelled person, I'd like to say fuck you to all the people who do not understand boundaries and how to respect one's privacy.

Summary of the situation

As you may have already heard, Kit Connor came out publicly yesterday, after months of online harassment about his sexuality.

A few months back he had made a statement about it saying:

"I mean, for me, I just feel like I'm perfectly confident and comfortable in my sexuality. But I don't feel the need to really — I'm not too big on labels and things like that. I'm not massive about that, and I don't feel like I need to label myself, especially not publicly."

(Source: "Reign with Josh Smith" podcast)

He did not want to keep addressing the topic of his sexuality nor have anyone else speculating anymore. He was basically saying that he wanted to stay unlabelled and that his sexuality is his business.

However, as things go, the internet did not shut up and kept speculating. A few months later, here we are.

Reflecting on it...

Let's dedicate ourselves to reflecting about this for a little bit. Because clearly some of you need some inner guidance. I am not going to lash out anymore because the damage has already been done, and all we can do is trying to prevent it from happening again.

Q: Why is it not ok to assume a person's sexuality?

Have you ever asked yourself why people come out? Let me assure you that they do not come out just for the fun of it. In actuality, coming out is quite the opposite experience for a majority of people in the community. It requires a lot of planning, and for things in one's life to be stable enough, in case things go south. People get disowned and/or abused, they are more prone to hate crimes and injustices, they tend to be ostracised and isolated, and more. But it's something that for a lot is necessary. Celebrating one's sexuality and pride is also an act of activism. It's a protest against heteronormativity and queer hate, and for queer rights. We need to be loud because otherwise nobody will hear us. So coming out can be a very important part of one's life journey (if they ever feel like they need to do that), and taking that moment away from them is just cruel. Especially when we still live in a world where coming out is not guaranteed to be safe. Assuming a person's sexuality is wrong because you are putting pressure on them and rushing them to come out. They might still not be sure about their own sexuality, or they might just not want to label themselves or talk about it. So, the point is, a person's sexuality is none of your business.

Q: Can people queerbait?

Let me say this once and for all: NO! In simple terms, queerbaiting is a marketing tactic used by companies and industries to reach a queer target audience, to get them to consume their products by means of pretending to provide queer products or contents, but failing to actually do so. A person can lie about their sexuality, for whatever reason, but that is NOT queerbaiting. In regards to Kit's situation, he had never stated his sexuality before and had never misled people to believe otherwise. He just wanted to stay unlabelled.

Conclusions

I think that a lot of people have gotten too comfortable with how the world works now, in regards to coming out and being queer. Let me remind you that coming out is "unnatural". We should not have to come out in the first place, and the only reason we are doing that is so that people will not just assume we are cishet, so that we can find a community, or to show that we are ok with being ourselves in a world where many hates us. At the same time, not wanting to come out is valid as well. You are not entitled to knowing who a person is attracted to, especially if they are not the ones who decided to tell you. Everything that you know about how things work in the LGBTQ+ community is a consequence of the fact that we are not able to just be ourselves without leaving a mark, distinguishing ourselves and fighting for our rights. So forcing someone to come out just feels like you really don't know how the world works and have absolutely no regards towards that person or the community.

The sad thing is that this happened to the majority of the Heartstopper main cast and it's just unjustifiable. With all this being said, I really hope Kit finds some peace at last, and that this situation will never repeat itself again.

#kit connor

6 notes · View notes

kitkatopinions · 2 years

Text

Before I make any new posts, I should say a couple of things just for the record.

1. From here on in, I’ll be trying to put // in-between words like RW//BY, rw//de, and ht//dm. I understand that this is probably going to be very annoying, but it’s all in an effort to get people to leave me alone like I’ve been begging them to for like a year now. Hopefully this makes my content less likely to show up in the RW//BY tag and although it’s recently been proven to me that people are specifically evading blocks I have on them in order to stalk me and therefore... They’re gonna see my stuff no matter what I do and despite my best efforts, never let it be said that I’m forcing anyone to or even want people to see my posts.

2. Please no one interact with my posts if you are anti-rwde or think criticism of RW//BY is bad and/or wrong and/or immoral. This includes reblogging, commenting on, or screenshotting and reposting my stuff on your own own blog. This boundary is because I’ve had lots of horrible stuff said to me in hate anons before and have been treated very rudely several times even off anon, and that’s not good for my mental health even when I mostly blow it off. I’ve got anxiety problems, so even when my brain knows it doesn’t really matter and I can just be like ‘lol what,’ my mind also still makes my body physically react, and it sucks. Even if you aren’t the type of person to send hate anons to strangers or berate strangers for criticizing a cartoon, I try to avoid any and all interactions with people who think criticism is bad and wrong or who buy into the whole ‘purge the HT//DM’ stuff because historically, that hasn’t ever gotten me anywhere good and usually leads to someone else feeling justified in attacking me instead. Regular fans of RW//BY are welcome, but please note where it says ‘not looking to debate’ and ‘mostly for venting’ in my bio.

3. If you’re someone who decides to ignore Point number 2 there and are an anti-rw//de ‘purge the HT//DM’ sort who insists on interacting with my content in any way: Please don’t screenshot any portion of any of my posts and repost it on your own blog. Please just comment or reblog my original post. I do not want contact with anyone who is anti-rwde, BUT I would much rather deal with that than realize that (or hear from others that) someone I don’t know took a part of my post - probably out of context - and made some ‘arguments’ against my posts and berated me and made fun of me while I had no way of defending myself or explaining my perspective or points. I would literally rather get hate anons than deal with that, because it makes me very anxious when that happens. So just to repeat: Please do not screenshot any portion of any of my posts and repost it to your own blog. If you’re anti-rwde and are already ignoring my boundary of ‘do not interact,’ please respect this boundary at least.

4. If the above boundaries are dismissed, I’ll add on another one here: If you’re an anti-rw//de person and you do decide to intrude on my boundaries and you do decide to screenshot my posts and put them to your own blog, please screenshot the whole thing. I know, I know, it’s more convenient to only have to take the one screenshot and no one wants their followers to get bored, but this is something I want for good reason! It’s regular practice for people to take things out of context or completely misrepresent them. It’s an easy way to deceive followers or to pretend someone is worse than they are. It also often completely ignores points that the person doing the reposting either doesn’t want to address or doesn’t have an argument for. If I was going to be generous, I’d say that the way that posts get twisted out of context completely is something that some people haven’t quite realized, so... Yeah. For the record, I’ve had too many people take my stuff out of context and lie about me or my sister or ignore the basic point of a post in order to nitpick something they also took out of context, so this is a boundary that I would like to put in place.

“But Kitkat,” Someone out there might say. “If you don’t like getting hate anons, getting lied about, being berated, or dealing with people cyber-stalking you, why not just leave?” Well, because it’s not my job to stop cyber-stalking myself. And also, the whole reason people do this is to try to bully people out of expressing their opinions, soooooo. Yeah.

10 notes · View notes

aurorae-system · 1 year

Text

self-imposed ask game question answering as a system exercise!

Answering ones we know we have an immediate answer to. I'll probably challenge myself to answer harder ones sometime soon :] ~

3. How do you figure out who you are in the moment?

Usually we do something or react to something in a way where we're like "Haha [alter] would totally do that" ... "wait a minute—". then we try to Feel Our Vibe to confirm it. sometimes we can, sometimes we can't.

7. What’s sexuality like for you? Does having multiple parts affect your relationships?

It's a fucking mess </3. We don't have nor have we actually ever had a romantic relationship, but it's certainly made crushes and pining extremely difficult to navigate.

Some of us love the idea of romance. Some of us are neutral about it. Some of us hate romance and think it's stupid/fake/etc. Then some of us like exclusively men. While some of us are bi. Some are aroace. Some are aro w/ sexual attraction. Some are ace w/ romantic attraction. Some have no idea and don't care.

And before we were aware of the system, this made romantic endeavors practically impossible. Oh I really like this guy... Ew no I don't?! Love is a lie, I'm never getting involved with romance. Love is what makes the world go round, I need a partner!!! Man, that girl is really attractive. Yeah I just can't see myself ever being attracted or being interested in women. It's never happened, soooo. And so on lmao.

12. Do any of your parts have special relationships with eachother? Would you like to share about some?

Yep! We have two littles who are twins, and then they also have a little sibling! So 3 of our littles are family. That's the only relationship/connection any of our alters have with one another that we are aware of.

13. Do you have parts that oppose eachother? (In views, personality, ect)

Oh god yes. Honestly that's what kinda got us to start questioning being a system. We'd share an opinion with friends, or make some type of comment on something. Then later (sometimes even that same day lmao) look back and go "Huh? Why did I say that... I don't think that. Like at all. Wtf...?" We could still remember doing it, but it was like... It didn't feel like "I" had said that. I had just chalked it up to BPD for awhile until I finally had more Realizations, lol.

14. Who’s the part that is most likely to deal with high-stress situations first?

Hmm... either Nine or Locke, probably. Though it depends what the stressor is/what happened. Because Night gets triggered to front usually whenever the stress is specifically someone doing something that violates our boundaries, values, self-respect, etc. Which does happen in this house often lmao.

While Nine is our primary protector and fronts in either more general stressful events or events where it wasn't super interpersonally sensitive. Though he almost always handles interpersonal arguments and assertive communication.

Locke is kinda... tbh don't really know what his deal is exactly. He seems to front when we really need to not be emotionally there At All. His emotions are very dull, but they're still there. He's just calm and regulated. It's extremely difficult to rile him up. This seems to happen in stressful situations where no action on our part is needed. We don't need to actively protect ourselves because we either won't need to at all or don't need to yet.

18. Are there any reoccurring themes or symbolism in your system? Would you like to share about it?

The only one I can think of is wearing earrings KDJNSJD. Like, almost every teen and up alter has earrings, even (or especially) the guys. Does kinda make sense personally. For some reason as a kid I just... really loved the idea of earrings and getting my ears pierced. But I never could.

25. Do you know what your parts look like? If so, how do you visualize them?

Most of them, yeah. Usually it starts out, upon discovery, getting flashing images in my head on a few main physical characteristics. Typically hair color, vague hairstyle, and a facial expression. Then I try to focus on that to get a clearer image and/or acquire more details on other parts of their appearance. Lastly, I go to picrew and just kinda trial and error the rest. Try and let them tell me what to pick or otherwise push me in the correct directions. Then if they eventually front, it may get refined by them.

27. Has anyone ever told you something you did or said without you knowing?

YEAH LOL. It hasn't happened too many times, but it's happened. Typically it's about sometime in the relative past, though.

I always thought I had a really good memory, and to my knowledge I did. I always shocked people with remembering minor things in surprising detail. And I never had any trouble with memorization when it came to assessments in school. I liked to refer to my memory growing up as "semi photographic". I could study a piece of paper, say a page from a study guide, for a few minutes and I'd have it memorized. I could visualize it in my head and read it from that visualization with very high accuracy. I could remember and recall things I heard, or parts of them, almost exactly word-for-word. But it didn't seem to be 100% on par with how photographic memory was usually described.

So when someone referenced something I supposedly did, like, 6 months–a year ago, and I can't remember ANYTHING about what they're talking about, it was very unnerving. Something that many others also very clearly remember me doing. Sometimes I would think they're messing with me if it was just one person. Like yeah right. If I have no memory whatsoever of doing that, I obviously didn't actually do it. I of all people would surely remember.

29. How many known parts do you have, if you can count?

As of 1/1/23, I am aware of 18 alters, not including me.

Because uh... I honest to god do not know if whoever I am is the host, or if maybe "I'm" just the persona we've masked as for like almost a decade now. Like a bow on a present, if that makes any sense. Am I [Host]? Or am I an already known (or unknown) alter masking and just using the name we've gone by for 8+ years now?? No idea!!

#~ Aurora #osddid #osdd #dissociative identity disorder #actually dissociative

3 notes · View notes

alleycat4eva · 2 years

Note

look im not planning on like, stalking you and sending an essay refuting every radfem or radfem-adjacent post you rb. that would be patently ridiculous and i'll most likely just unfollow but regarding the "surrender linguistic boundaries" thing... what on earth is the point in that? thats just (broadly) a compilation of people talking about folks who can get pregnant. yeah theyre like, really clumsy about it- plenty of conservative women are anti-abortion and frankly are just as ghastly about it as conservative men. tons of horror stories about pro-life nurses actively traumatizing people who miscarried and had an emergency procedure removing the dead fetus before it starts to rot them from the inside out. theres always going to be marginalized people who are also... kind of stupid and choose to be compassionless even when their own issues are rooted in the same source. the thing about those posts is that my guess is theyre still learning. i bet if you asked any one of those people theres a solid chance they would thank you for the correction and reword it. one of them looked to be about a specific individual desiring a surrogate(?) so refering to him as a man or a dad is fine. some of them are reductive or performative in that you can tell they still have that "ugh, men" mentality trained into them and havent questioned that yet and just labeled all nonbinary people as woman-lite. some of them use "men" because primarily cisgender men benefit from and cannot be hurt by forced birth and they didnt think to use the addendum of "not trans men/gay men/infertile men/pro choice men". whatever. nobodys perfect and even if they were, society is imperfect and so even then theyre gonna slip up sometimes, its fine.

now all that said, what even is a linguistic boundary??? "i just dont want other people using any of this specific terminology to more accurately describe affected demographics"? if its your linguistic boundary then like... dont use them. say "women" and people will understand your point entirely. maybe someone qrts with "*uterus havers" and you go about your day. cisgender women are little under half the global population i think we'll be fine. this is not at all an issue of erasing women, "pregnant people" even still defaults the average mental image to that of a woman. including trans men just... doesnt hurt anyone. if the health article headlines prove anything it is once again, as it so often is that trans women are erased. really the only issue with those examples isnt that theyre denying that women exist its that they use "men" and dont elaborate. transphobia is the current default state of society, and i dont see the point in cisgender women rallying themselves against an already marginalized group when a) achieving transgender equality also hinges A LOT on gender equality between cis folks and b) even if trans people existing was a threat, we kind of have bigger fish to fry in the centuries of actual structural and societal oppression and those who uphold it. and in that the trans community can only be our allies.

if youre looking through radfem tags to see where your beliefs lie i would also reccomend "transphobia" or "cw transphobia". since transphobes arent likely to tag their bigotry as it is, thats where you'll find trans people talking about it of their own volition. those definitely get heavy so maybe "transphobia mention" if you want generalized discussion and not news articles about hate crimes. you'll also be more likely to find someone open to taking questions so long as youre in good faith and dont rock up to the first trans flag icon you see and like... harass some 18 year old stim blog about their stance on medical terminology.

I think you have a good point that maybe this needs to be a boundary I draw for myself and possibly not in general

I really do appreciate the tag recommendations. That really helps get aspects I wasn't able to view searching trans or trans ____

And this is maybe where it get controversial is that I see this language used to divide? Like are you here affected because of organs in your body? Then society sees you as x and you're captured here under this umbrella term because language is not precise.

But it also feels terrible to be reduced down to uterus haver and like . I never see it as testicle haver, never see legislation on that, or religious veneer using that. And I'm here talking trying to get what I'm missing and it's that language that is policed which is weird because I thought we were all stuck

I have been looking through more sources than just radfem blogs as I have been trying to inform myself. I can screenshot my search history if receipts are needed

#tw transfobia #trans

2 notes · View notes

109moons · 5 months

Text

I always say to myself I won’t let James’ sheer narcissism and density get to me or make me angry anymore but truthfully, that is the lie I tell. It pisses me off so badly this false narrative that he has written in his toxic brain — how I am this horrific liar, now fueled by him seeing a recent picture of myself and Matt - who I would not have survived the hospital without his friendship and care of my pets, and painting this portrait as if he is vindicated because now he thinks he has “proof” of something.

Vindication is an empty room. There is no victory nor is there anything to hide, hence me posting openly and freely. I absolutely lied about my friendship with Matt when I was in a relationship with James — but not out of any malice or sneakiness — out of fear. Something so much smaller than a true friendship with my ex would have sent James so far off the rails, caused such a massive fit that he still would have come back from, I was exhausted before things even got serious with us.

So just like I absolutely lied, I also absolutely apologized long ago. I apologized until my lungs ran out of air, which they did. I apologized and tried to explain why I had hid an innocent friendship. I tried to level with emotion. I took ownership and accountability long ago. I made peace with myself for that mistake, because acceptance is not an empty room and there is friendship and grace to be found in there.

What I cannot forgive myself for is why I stayed in that relationship with him, when I felt the need to lie. Why my self esteem was so low, that I thought I deserved the way he talked to me and how hateful he was. How afraid I was of making him angry, that I made myself smaller and tucked away parts of my life. So of course, I am not proud of myself for lying in the past, who would be? I am ashamed that I felt little of myself that it would allow me to act out of character and betray someone’s trust — regardless of my intentions. But that shame amounts to nothing, and sitting in that echo chamber just makes my ears bleed and I ran out of tissues a long time ago.

So no, I won’t subtext or beat around the bush, obviously I know James still checks my blog - and I check his to see how he’s doing. I did not post a picture with my ex out of harm, this is still a space for me, and I wish it still remained my private space, but it didn’t and I have no one to blame for that but myself. I post pictures from my life, and Matt is part of it, because we were best friends at some point, because he cares if I live or die, because I want good things for him because I am a forgiving person and he’s a good person despite him hurting me in the past. Because I have a warm soul and a good heart, and I do not let people go unless they have hurt me beyond repair. There are two people in my life that take that title — my mother, and James. And I’m sure he’s reading this right now and will be outraged that I will not give him some title of a victim as he so desperately wants, but I won’t.

There is no justifying my lie, despite me having every explanation in the world for it — but there is no explanation around him lying to me about the entire person he is. I don’t know you, and I check your blog to make sure you are alive. All I can thank you for now is my self esteem, walking away from you gave me strength to set a boundary against my Mother, and I made a great new friend in your family. So be mad that I am happy, that Matt is an important part of my life now and a friend, and remember that this was you. My mistake was a drop in the ocean of your deception.

#personal #words #myself #spilled writing

1 note · View note