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madschiavelique · 9 months

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𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 (𝐦𝐢𝐠𝐮𝐞𝐥 𝐨'𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫)

summary : miguel didn't like very much the way you left him all horny for you in the toilets during the unexpected mission, so once the anomalies have all been maintained, he decides to teach you proper manners

content warnings : SMUT (18+) minors dni, lots of tension, soft!dom miguel, quick boob job, cunnilingus, "it's too big", pnv sex, miguel teaches reader magic words, so much kissing i swear, no use of Y/N, biting, mention of scars (from fights, miguel's) - let me know if i forgot any !! word count : 7,7k

note : i'm sorry i took SO LONG writing this baby, but here it is (and not yet proofread but i couldn't wait hehehe). the end is corny i AM SORRY but it was already long and this is to keep a pretty open. thank u all so much for ur support !! we passed the 400 subscribers today and i'm literally jumping to the ceiling of happiness. this is the last part of the 4shot, i hope you liked it <33 i was super inspired by Shameless by The Weeknd (one of my favourite songs hehehe). enough of me talking, love u guys !!

the previous parts : 1 - love bite 2 - late night training 3 - unexpected mission

tag list : @marit332 @coralineyouareinterribledanger @sunnyx07 @mamamiriamxo @l3laze @amy180801 @gojos-goth-gf @readingfan @cheezit-luv3rr @scaleniusrm @cowboyharrryy

Miguel hadn't followed you, so you decided to lure the creature back by calling out to it:

"You're really terrible at hide-and-seek, you know that?”

Suddenly, it turned towards you and charged at you as you leapt into the air to keep it at bay, at least long enough for Miguel to finish... what he had to do. The sound of his breathless voice replayed in your head, the heat in your cheeks rising. You propelled yourself silently up to a floor above, observing the behaviour of the dough.

The feel of his fangs on the skin of your neck, his tender kisses on your cheeks, the hard feel of his erection against your thigh as his claws pressed into the skin of it...

"Oh my god you're going to be the end of him!" exclaimed a small voice beside you.

The anomaly turned towards it at the same time as you: Lyla.

"Lyla?" you choked out, swivelling your head just in time to avoid the anomaly that had climbed extraordinarily nimbly to your floor.

"His pulse quickened, his body heat increased and his muscles contracted amazingly hard!" she chirped as you mimed shutting up or lowering her voice, but she wasn't listening and you started darting from floor to floor as she continued "You've got him completely wrapped around your finger! No pun intended."

"Please Lyla, keep it down!" you begged her, feeling like a huge red tomato as you blushed and above all hoping not to be chased away by this abomination.

"Oopsie," she smiled, placing a hand over her mouth.

The anomaly swung a ball of paste at you, and you narrowly avoided it as it crashed and exploded with power, splattering you as it went, a large drop smearing across your suit.

"I didn't know you had access to... all this," you muttered breathlessly as you ran down a corridor to get away from the unspeakable thing. "It doesn't matter... Yes, it does matter actually, how come?"

"Don't be angry, you've just given me what little fun I'm allowed to have," she said with a pout, "you know, programme life isn't always fun."

Out of breath, you let out a sigh that relaxed your shoulders with its depth. You shook your head for a moment.

"Well, we'll talk about it later, can you identify this for me?" you asked breathlessly, silently, as you spooned some of the substance and held it up to a small metal support on your watch, which lit up when you dropped a little on it.

"My pleasure, sugar," she said with a quick clap. "Hmm, that looks like a basic bread dough mixture to me. Flour, water, salt, yeast, not forgetting the anomaly gene, otherwise it wouldn't be any fun."

"It's true that I'm bursting with laughter," you say, putting both hands on your hips, still trying to catch your breath. You looked at her for a moment, biting the inside of your cheek, hesitating before asking, "Is Miguel... Done?"

"Yep, he's on his way," she said, giving you an amused wink, and you couldn't help but let a little laugh slip from your nose.

"Right," you said, clearing your throat so the anomaly could hear, "I'm going to lure this thing towards the exit!" You could hear the oily, slimy sounds coming in your direction, turning to Lyla one last time to ask: "Make sure you send Miguel my location, okay?" you said as you started to trot off.

"Already done!" she replied, blowing you a kiss which she pressed onto her hand before disappearing in a cloud of pixels.

You ran on, stammering aloud to keep the beast at your heels: " Come this way! You know, I think you'd really like rock, I've got two friends who play really well, I think you'd love to meet them!"

The pile rumbled behind you. You leapt into the air, grabbing the glass dome and hanging upside down, standing with your arms crossed over your chest.

"No, really, I think you'd like it. Oh well! You've got a head that could listen to metal, plus you've got exactly the right mouth shape to sing it, you know."

It was rumbling from the ground, right underneath you.

Then, just above you, you felt a tap on the thin glass roof, and when you looked up, you saw Miguel. It was a funny sight, the way you were standing made it look like you were reflecting yourselves in a mirror.

"Oh, hi there," you smiled behind your mask, taking on a slight intonation as if you hadn't been the cause of his delay. "Did everything go well?"

He let out a desperate sigh, the red glasses on his suit narrowing, before simply saying:

"Something unexpected came up, it was very... frustrating. But I'll wait."

I'll wait. The very word made you gulp.

"Observations?" he asked, jerking his chin in the direction of the anomaly just below you.

"It's dough, we'd just have to find something to bake it with," you suggested.

Outside there was a loud bang: the lorry Gwen and Hobie had been chasing had started to roll over, and the anomaly, just as alert as you and Miguel, leapt towards the first bay window to get out.

Gwen and Hobie seemed to have managed to deal with their anomaly, the truck was completely dented, sideways, and luckily for you, the oil from the truck was starting to spread on the ground. You got out, Miguel following to examine the situation. All it needed was a spark...

"I'll try to coat it with a bit of oil, find a lighter, a box of matches, whatever," he warned, before dashing off towards the pile of dough.

You looked around, and there, as luck would have it, was a convenience store. You leapt towards it. Managing to light a lighter with your costume on would be complicated, so you managed to find a box of matches, rushing towards the street again.

Miguel kept jumping up and down to coat the anomaly, and when he finally saw you coming, he shouted: "Light it up.

So you grabbed a match, struck it against the side of the box and threw it into the oil. You stepped aside and ran further to avoid taking any damage from the fire. It immediately licked at the anomaly, which let out horrible, high-pitched screams as the paste on its body cooked and smoked, turning golden and thinning little by little.

And so, you launched the multidimensional cell that had been given to you, and finally imprisoned the anomaly.

"I think 'the more the merrier' is a phrase I like less and less," said Gwen as you catalogued the anomalies.

"Are you kidding me? This was so much fun," said Peter. "It was like doing MMA!"

"Speak for yourself, we took care of the Magic Bus driver," Hobie huffed.

"I think Gordon Ramsey would be proud of our muffin," you agreed.

"You have to admit it smelled good," confirmed Pavitr.

Everything had gone well, Gwen had finished her exam period and you were all filling in your reports. Everything was going well, and everyone was pretty relaxed, except maybe you.

It was a pretty nasty trick you played on Miguel, leaving him like that, so close to the climax, and then leaving. And somewhere in there, you feared and waited impatiently for what was to come.

You couldn't help glancing at him from time to time. He seemed to be concentrating, but sometimes you could feel his gaze on you, insistent. You found him incredibly calm, and maybe it was just because he hid it well, but just to see him lose a little of that control, you managed to brush past him for a moment when no one was looking, your knuckles deliberately brushing his thigh before joining the others. Pretending to be interested in their conversation, you couldn't help but glance over at Miguel.

Death stare was probably the closest you could come to defining the look he was giving you at that moment, and a shiver of dread ran down your spine as you swallowed. He seemed to chew the inside of his cheek for a moment, trying to act as if nothing had happened.

You weren't going to get out of this alive, or entirely.

"Well, I don't know about you, but the lack of sleep knocked me out, so I'm going to bed, see you later!" said Gwen before leaving.

"Same here, see ya," said Hobie.

And successively, the only ones left were Peter, Miguel and you.

He waited patiently, with you beside him, until Peter had finished his report and, like all the others before him, had gone to sleep. The seconds seemed to stretch out painfully, every movement and possibility accentuated by the wait. Miguel seemed tense, and you had no idea whether Peter could feel it from his side too, but you could feel your skin tingling with anticipation.

Every moment, every second tickled your mind and body like tiny needles, Miguel's gaze resting insistently on yours.

"Well, that's not all, but I think we've all got better things to do than hang around making a report," Peter yawned. "Good night, sleep well."

Oh, it won't be sleep.

He then waved goodbye one last time, turning his back to you as he headed for the exit. Miguel turned to look at you, taking a deep breath as he tilted his head back to look at you from an even higher angle.

The footsteps echoed around the room, fading away little by little as Miguel's eyes turned red, yours watching them and stifling a gasp. He took a single step closer, no more, but it was enough to intimidate you and for you to take a step backwards.

It was when the door finally closed behind Peter that he grabbed you powerfully around the waist and pinned you down on one of the desks, causing you to squeal in surprise as you widened your eyes for a moment, blinking frantically. In less time than it took to say 'empanada' Miguel had you completely under control, immobilising you faster than poison and more powerfully than a pair of handcuffs.

His nose wrinkled slightly.

"Did you enjoy your little act?" he asked, his tone extraordinarily calm, which made him all the more menacing. "Leaving me like that without finishing what you'd started?"

Your heart was racing, and suddenly just meeting his gaze seemed too powerful to maintain eye contact, so you turned your head to the side. Was it simply because you were embarrassed by your own little prank, or was it just that the intensity of his eyes on yours was too much? But Miguel wasn't going to have it any other way, so with one of his hands he grabbed your jaw and redirected it so that you were facing him.

"It's very rude not to look into someone's eyes when they're talking to you, you know that," he whispered, moving a little closer. "We're going to have to correct that, and teach you polite forms of address."

And you couldn't argue with that, because right now it wasn't a choice you had to make.

"Speaking of politeness, I realise that you haven't used any magic words so far for our little encounters," he said, his thumb pressing and digging into the skin of your cheek.

He moved a little closer, tilting his head to one side as you felt his nose brush against yours, moving a little closer still to feel his lips brush against yours, the simple touch of them sending little electric currents of excitement through you...

But nothing, he just grazed his lips against yours, not moving any further, but not backing away either. Your breaths collided softly, his eyes still fixed on yours with insistence.

"What do you want me to do?" he asked, his voice composed and contained, as you tried to free yourself a little from the hold his hand had on your jaw, to no avail.

His lips, so close to yours and yet so far away, gave you electrifying sensations, but you wanted more. You wanted the two of you to kiss, for your lips to become one again, for you to be able to offer him the body's 'I love you'.

So you tried to move a little closer, meeting his lips to satisfy your desire, no, your need. But he pulled back slightly, causing you to sigh in disappointment. No, you'd have to tell him.

"Kiss me," you whispered, your voice small but audible, as if you were pouring your desire into his plump lips.

A smile, the stretch of his lips pulling them a little further away from yours.

"Where," the question sounding more like a command.

His thumb eased a little in its pressure and caressed the skin of your cheek for a moment before sliding across your chin, settling just below your bottom lip.

"There," you replied, your desperation for more contact growing stronger by the second as the only thought on your mind was his kisses.

You wanted to taste that rainy, woody flavour on his lips again, and feel them assault your body with kisses.

"Only there?" he questioned, provoking your cravings even more as your impatience was felt almost painfully.

It didn't seem fair, he seemed to possess incredible composure and cold-blood as your veins pulsed through your body like lava flowing from the volcano of your heart.

The little game Miguel was playing with you almost felt like a little revenge. Could you blame him? He wanted all this as much as you did, but he liked balance, he liked things to be even, and he was making you pay for the advance you'd dared to take from him.

His thumb pressed against your plump lip, his skin barely brushing against it, and it felt like a thread sticking out with no way of pulling on it.

"Yes- No!" you moaned, feeling like a child who was denied a sweet treat, unable to hide your longing for more as his touch confused you, "everywhere."

His lips were parted, as close as ever, his warm breath spilling over yours. His thumb had moved up the curve of your lips to press against the volume of her, his eyes fixed on it.

"I didn't hear that properly," he said, his eyes returning to yours.

Their carmine colour reflected your face: eyebrows slanted back, eyes almost watery, his thumb resting on your lips as he continued to caress it mathematically to elicit a reaction from you.

You tried to squirm away for a moment, but Miguel's hand on your waist held you in place with incredible ease.

He raised an eyebrow, obviously your attempt was in vain, he hadn't started hand-to-hand training the day before like you had, he'd been an ace at physical power and combat for much longer, so of course he could immobilise you in less than no time and much less delicately if the mood took him.

His lips brushed yours a little closer, and you could almost feel them completely. But this tiny glimpse of heaven wasn't granted to you, and you whimpered for a moment before finally just saying:

"Kiss me," you whined, "please."

His eyes crinkled with his smile.

"Mira que buena."

He finally kissed you, and it was like you had taken cotton candy in your mouth and as it melted you could feel all the little crystals of sugar that were hidden by the fluffiness of the sweet, a moan of relief vibrating from your lips against his lips.

Millions of tiny sparkles crackled under your skin, rising to the surface like champagne bubbles as Miguel cupped your face and kissed you. He took your lips as if you were holding the air that allowed him to breathe, his hand going round your side to slip under your back, pressing against your pelvis to bring it close to his.

He bit your lower lip lightly before pulling away, his half-closed eyes looking into yours again. His hand came to caress your cheekbone gently, with a tenderness that was almost unlike anything he had ever offered you before.

"Tell me more about these desires you mentioned.”

Your breath caught slightly, and you suddenly felt your face heat up fiercely, as if you were leaning over the hearth of a fireplace, its fire licking your face and your being from afar. You swallowed, formulating out loud your desires, all those thoughts you'd had about him even after your meeting at the Conditioning Centre and what had happened in the cabin, seemed difficult.

"Come on, don't be scared," he murmured before leaning over to kiss your forehead gently, offering you soft, sweet words to help you get the burning out of your soul.

All those thoughts you'd had, those warm nights during that week when you'd imagined the feel of his fingers, his lips, the sweet words that interested you as he searched inside you to expose you to him emotionally, all of them could be said, especially the one that was vibrating immensely inside you at the moment.

"I want... I want you to..."

You had the impression that the words you were about to say would be like throwing a tiny stone into still water, like stepping on ice and feeling it crack, like throwing alcohol into the fireplace that was warming you up.

The hand that was resting on your cheek ran down your neck, brushing your chest as it slid to your hip and slid all the way down to your thigh, stopping in its descent at that very spot, his hand gripping it.

"Hmm?" he asked, his humming vibrating against the skin of your cheek and tickling you.

You bit the inside of your lip, your teeth pressing into your flesh and trapping some of the wet skin against your bottom teeth. You released this clutch with a gasp as your voice dropped to a whisper when you whispered :

"I want you to fuck me."

His eyes crinkled as he smiled, an eyebrow raised, his proud grin stretching across his cheek as his lip parted wide enough to reveal his fangs. He came to kiss your cheek, his soft lips caressing it as his lashes offered you butterfly kisses.

His grip on your thigh softened, his thumb making circular movements against your covered skin as a warm cloud began to form in your lower belly.

"Say that again," he said, his breath landing on your neck as his thumb began to move slightly up your inner thigh.

You tilted your head back, closing your eyes as the simple sensation of his fingers on your body caressed you sublimely, a sigh of ease slipping from your lips. Miguel then took the opportunity to kiss the corner of your jaw, laying a trail of kisses that mixed sweetness and hunger, kissing and biting your skin. He lowered his lips a little further down your neck and kissed you lazily, the coolness of his lips meeting the fire burning at the back of your head. His lips reached a sensitive corner, causing you to let out a moan.

You moistened your lips, your cheeks burning as Miguel's fingers traced the sensitive skin of your thigh and his other hand rested on the small of your back, close to the cloud of heat.

And he expected you, with all these delicious distractions, to be able to string a sentence together properly and clearly. So you tried to speak louder, swallowing before saying:

"I want you to fuck me."

His lips came away from your neck, just brushing your ear before coming back to face you. The red of his eyes was deep, hungry, but above all attentive to your every move, which made him even more intimidating. His lips were so close to yours that you could feel them moving close to your skin as he spoke.

"There must be something with my hear because I can't hear properly what you said," he said, his tone a little less contained than he had managed to convey before, less composed, "say it louder."

His fingers continued their trajectory, very close to you, to where your desires came from, the knot in your lower abdomen tightening even though he never reached the spot. So this was the intense despair he'd felt earlier? The pain of his desire overcoming his thought and logic in the simple hope that he would be touched to turn the pain into sweetness?

You tried to move your hips a little, in the simple hope that he might go further, touch you, but he steadied you in an instant with his hand on your back, making you let out a little cry of longing.

You bit the inside of your cheek, your gaze meeting his for a moment, and you saw it in the reflection of his eyes: the breadth of your desire spreading through your whole body.

You breathed in, gathering your strength and thoughts to say, "I want you to-"

His hand went up your back to the nape of your neck and traced up and down your spine, your body undulating uncontrollably as you concluded with a strangled sigh:

"Fuck me, please."

His carmine eyes watched you through his long black lashes, a proud sneer stretching his lips, your request seemed to have pleased him greatly.

If you had something to ask him, you might as well ask him politely. He tilted his head to one side, the light illuminating his jaw over his massive shoulder, it was so sharp it could have cut glass. Did he have any idea of the hold he had over you?

"Muy bien, bien hecho, muñeca," he murmured before kissing you again, gently.

His kiss was demanding, hungry, eager for your lips to be captured by his. Your hands, until now too afraid to touch anything or attempt any gesture, were tempted by the need to touch him in turn. They came to rest on his face, cupping it as he devoured your mouth relentlessly, his kiss a mixture of thirst, craving and the occasional sensation of his canines scratching your skin.

His thumb had moved up to your groin, deliberately avoiding and brushing very close to the part you'd been dreaming of him touching. Both his hands were now on your hips, gripping them to draw them to his.

And the electrifying sensation of his erection meeting in a single touch the excitement of your cunt that had grown inside you caused you both to moan together.

Your hand snaked through his hair, his sighs of comfort rushing into the depths of your body, blowing on the already burning fire inside you making it blaze and shine. His pelvis had begun to undulate against yours, the friction he was exerting against your covered flesh, against your throbbing clit, sending sparks throughout your body.

"Coño," he let out between kisses, one of his hands gripping your hip a little tighter to pull you closer to him and hold you in place while the other moved up your body like ivy on a statue, pressing against the back of your neck so that you were even closer. He wanted to eliminate any space between you, and you wanted it just as much, arching your body to his touch.

The kiss went from gentle to passionate, from passionate to hungry, and from hungry to needing more. Your tongues exchanged a waltz, and the next moment Miguel was back at your neck as your hand rested on his hip.

You needed more closeness, more of everything, but less clothing. He pulled you in again, straightening you up so that you ended up sitting on the desk, both your mouths still dancing.

He placed both hands firmly under your thighs, ready to lift you up.

"Hang on," he whispered between two kisses.

Without missing a beat you wrapped your legs around his waist, wrapping your arms around the back of his neck as he lifted you with incredible ease, heading for a door at the back of the room: Miguel's quarters.

To avoid being bothered by anything during his precious, absent sleep, Miguel didn't belong to any of the dormitories, sleeping in secluded quarters. One of his hands came up to grip one of your buttocks, grasping it with his full hand and kneading it, a little hum of pleasure vibrating from your lips against his as you nibbled on it. You kissed his cheek, tracing his jaw with your wet skin.

As he depixelised his hand from his suit and placed it on the digital recognition pad, you gently kissed his neck, a rumble rising in his throat, a mixture of threat and plea for patience. But how could you still be patient? It was impossible, you were each other's tinder box and lighter.

As soon as the airlock opened, he came to kiss you dangerously, not tiring for a moment of the sensation of your lips caught between his. He walked quickly and eagerly, his erratic breathing colliding with your warm skin.

You rounded a corner, and the familiar sensation of a mattress under your back met you almost brutally. You were out of breath, lying back, looking at Miguel.

He stood there, looking down at you. His hair was dishevelled from the passage of your hands, his eyes shining like two rubies in the half-light, watching you hungrily. He towered over you, dominating you with his size and power. You shuddered, because at the moment he looked like a predator facing the prey he was about to devour.

He chuckled, moving closer as he put one knee on the mattress, one of his hands coming to rest beside your head, leaning gently over you, crawling up to spread your thighs as his face came level with yours.

And it was with the sensitivity that only lips possess that he whispered to you:

"You have no idea how long I've been waiting for this," his mouth hungrily came to reclaim yours, his other hand sliding up your waist to reach your hip and hold it in place as he consumed you.

You were in his grip, entranced, trapped in the web of desire he had woven in your mind, every thread of which you touched bringing the spider back to its prey.

His hand came up to your head and nestled under the nape of your neck, looking for the zip to take off your suit. You helped him, pressing a little harder against his lips in your kisses as you raised your head to help him pull it off.

He found it, and you could feel with what composure he was pulling it. You knew perfectly well that if it had only been up to him, your suit would have been ripped to shreds and it would have been impossible to reassemble it properly and put it back together in one piece. But he was holding back, with difficulty.

The sensation of all those little metal teeth coming loose against your back and letting your abundantly heated skin breathe sent tingles through each of your ribs and down your spine, your back arching all the more at the sensation. Maybe having absolutely nothing under your costume could be complicated in certain situations, but it had never been as practical or as pleasant as it was right now. And Miguel seemed to agree.

His hand came to pull at the fabric, exposing your shoulder, and feeling his fingers run over it made you shiver. He continued to pull gently, your chest meeting the cool air until your breasts were bare.

He broke away from your lips for a moment, watching your skin like a flame and its enchanted dance. And you were burning, your whole body aflame with his touch, his kisses, his eyes. You couldn't undress him on your side, his costume knew no beginning or end other than pixels, and you found that profoundly unfair.

Then, very gently, his hand came to hover over your skin. It barely grazed, not even touching it, passing over the roundness of your shoulder, following your collarbone up to your cheek. He placed his hand on it, and it was as if your body was a diamond, every facet of which was illuminated by the light from his hand.

"Tan linda," he whispered, nestling back into the crook of your neck, kissing the warm, tender skin there. His kisses trailed down to your collarbone, sucking on your skin from time to time to reveal violet and pink flowers.

You hummed with delight under his touch, your body lighting up and glowing a little more with every touch of his lips against your skin. They came to rest between the valley of your breasts, his red eyes meeting yours as, while one of his hands pulled a little harder on the part of your suit that was still in place, his own suit began to depixel as he straightened up to face you.

Lips parted, you watched his body reveal itself, his tanned torso sculpted like a god. But above all, you couldn't help letting your eyes wander along the countless scars that marked his body.

Various shapes were mixed in, cuts, burns, strange, sinuous lines, all marking the traces of past dangers. And he had survived them all.

Gently, your hand came to rest on his cheek, pressing against your touch and kissing your palm as you let your fingers move down his torso. You let your fingertips trace a scar, caressing it gently, Miguel's breath shuddering against your skin for a moment.

Your breath caught in your throat as his bare hand grazed the skin of one of your tits, his thumb gently tracing the bouncing skin. His lips moved down the ridge of your breasts, kissing the soft, tender skin of it.

He looked into your eyes as he stuck out his tongue and ran it over your nipple slowly, the warmth of his saliva and the roughness of his muscle sending all sorts of little stars into your body.

It was as if your flesh was bare soil, and with his hands he brought forth flowers of many colours and intoxicating scents that enchanted you, making you drunk with his touch and the colours he painted under your skin.

His tongue traced the separation between your skin and your nipple, his hand resting on the other, pressing it gently between his large fingers. Then he kissed it gently, sucking lightly as his teeth grazed the sensitive skin. And as the moans multiplied between your lips, he stopped, a smile stretching his lips as his hand dripped down your waist and clutched the rest of your costume.

As he pulled it off, in a slow motion, he kissed his way down your belly, letting buds of caress blossom on your body. Reaching below your navel, he exchanged a glance with you, seeking approval.

As a simple response, you raised your hips, and he gently pulled the rest of the costume down, his bare fingers brushing your buttocks and thighs as he pulled until you were covered by nothing but your panties.

One of his hands grabbed your thigh, the other settled on your waist, lazily tracing your skin until it reached your groin, stopping there, drawing indescribable patterns as the fire in your lower belly heated up.

He stayed there, eyes riveted on yours, his other hand moving slightly up your inner thighs but not reaching your core either. The tingles it sent through your being were delicious, but you were getting impatient. Your pussy was almost starting to ache from the lack of touch and contact.

"Lower..." you murmured, your desires taking possession of your body, your reason silenced.

He tilted his head to one side, and the same words you'd said to him earlier in the bathroom came back to you:

"Say that again."

A grunt of frustration rattled against your teeth. Your own cards had just been used against you in your own game, and you had no say in the matter. His fingers continued to draw as if nothing had happened, sometimes reaching for half a second a little lower than where they were staying. You needed more.

"Touch me lower," you said, looking into his red eyes, which raised an eyebrow as if to say 'aren't you forgetting something?', so you punctuated your sentence with a little "please."

He smiled, dark, his tongue passing over his canine and his lip as he ran his fingers between your skin and the elastic of your panties, pulling the latter so that only the air, his hands and his warm breath covered you.

His fingers returned to your now naked groin, and he gently traced your skin, finally coming to touch your cunt, a sigh of respite taking hold of your chest as he gently passed a single finger between your lips.

"Hmm?" he hummed, raising his fingers to the height of his head, observing the sticky substance that glued to his skin, "would you look at that." Evidence of your arousal was placed before your eyes, "Am I the reason you're so wet ?"

Your head tucked into your shoulders, your cheeks heating intensely as he smiled wider.

"Tengo suerte," he murmured as his finger returned to your entrance, coating itself in more of your wetness as his thumb settled on your clit, making slow, hypnotic circular movements that tightened the knot in your lower abdomen.

Your hands clutched the sheets as you drew in a shaky breath, but he reached down and guided one of them to his hair, which you grabbed without hesitation.

"Like it when I touch you there?" he asked, echoing the words you had said to him in the cabin.

"Mhm," you agreed, unable to formulate a coherent sentence, inhaling more air as he pushed in his first finger.

His hands were big, his fingers thick, and he manipulated them all to perfection. His finger was streching you out, undulating to awaken exceptional sensations in you.

"How does that feel?" he asked, his tone composed and almost teasing in the way he asked you things.

"Good," you assented as he inserted a second finger, causing you to gasp out a moan, your eyelids closing of their own accord.

His fingers worked you out, curving up to touch the spot that made you see stars.

"Keeps your eyes on me," he whispered as his head lowered against your cunt, his hot breath falling against your damp skin, "I want you to see me."

With difficulty you complied, and he brought his tongue against your pussy, a moan of pleasure rising from your throat. The sensation of his hot, wet tongue licking your clit made your whole body burn.

Your hand gripped his hair more firmly, needing something to anchor it so that you didn't succumb entirely to all your vices. Miguel groaned at this gesture, and the sensation of his vibrant voice on your sensitive skin almost made you come in an instant.

Your pelvis moved of its own accord, and Miguel immediately grabbed it to immobilise you, his fingers and tongue working together to make you moan even more.

The sight reminded you immensely of the bullet incident: his eyes reddened, his tongue and lips resting on you while your fingers were knotted in his hair.

You were beginning to feel as if you were flying away, but it was at that precise moment that Miguel stopped, pulling his fingers out and his mouth away. You whimpered, a whiney complaint filling your mouth as you laid your head back in disappointment on the pillow, Miguel moving up to your face.

"I just wanted to make sure you'd know what it feels like."

The torment was unbearable, and you bit your lips for fear that, on the instant, you might send an insult into his face.

"Oh," he said, raising an eyebrow, "did I make you mad?"

His tone seemed almost condescending, addressing you as if you were a child. He brought his face close to yours, his eyes falling on your lips.

"Want me to fuck you, querida?" he questioned, his lips brushing yours "want me to fill you up with my cock?"

You looked up at him through your eyelashes, simply nodding in response as his simple words managed to make your hair stand on end.

"Use your words," he said simply.

"Yes," you said, beginning to learn from his lessons, trying to find more strength in your voice, "fuck me, please."

He nodded, proud.

"Good," he said, bringing his two fingers, still covered with yourself, close to your lips, "open up."

Timidly, you parted your lips.

"Wider," he ordered in a calm voice.

You obeyed, and soon felt his moist fingers on your tongue. You licked them, his eyes watching with great interest. They were thick and having them both in your mouth wasn't easy, but by relaxing your jaw you eventually managed to suck them off properly, your eyes returning to his, feverish with desire.

Without further ado, he removed his fingers from your mouth and came to kiss your lips, hungry. The entre-met you had offered him wasn't enough, and he was fasting from it to be able to taste all the other parts of you that were still untouched by his lips.

His naked erection pressed against your cunt, and your hips undulated against the sensation as you let out an excited moan against his lips, your walls closing in on nothing.

You wrapped your arms around his neck as he splayed his hand across your lower back, undoing the kiss to press his forehead against yours. He adjusted his cock in front of your entrance, coating himself in your juices, and just by that gesture and the memory of your hands, you knew it would be too much.

"Miguel it's," you breathed softly against him, "it's too big. I'll never-" but he cut you off.

"I'm sure you can take it, muñeca," he murmured softly, kissing your cheek.

He returned to kiss your lips, then asked before doing anything else:

"Ready?"

You inhaled softly, your eyes plunging into the red of his, before murmuring against his lips:

"Ready."

He nodded, coming to kiss you chastely before lining up his cock and thrusting in. A moan slipped from your lips, he was big, way too big.

"Shh," he soothed, kissing your temple, "you're tense cariño, breathe through your nose."

So you followed his instructions, trying to relax as much as possible as your nails on his back began to dig into his flesh. Your breath was coming in shaky gasps, your teeth sinking into your lip as Miguel whispered:

"You're doing so well," his hands gently caressing your arched back and thigh.

His voice relaxed you, your breathing a little more settled as he thrust deeper, stretching you out. He kissed your forehead tenderly, brushing the tiny tear from the corner of your eye with his lips.

"Just like that," he groaned, finally managing to fill you completely, "look at you taking me so well.

He kissed your lips gently, caressing the skin of your side. He kissed your cheek, then the side of your neck, sucking in one more mark.

Full, that's how you felt. He stretched you out fully, filling every inch of your being, meeting the warm cloud as he kissed you to contrast the sensation. And soon enough, you relaxed a little more.

"Are you ready for me to move?" he murmured, his thumb resting on your cheek.

As a simple response, breathing softly, you moved your hips on him. He smiled, kissing your lips softly as he pulled back slightly to push into you again, a shaky breath mingling with a moan that he swallowed from your lips.

His tongue came to meet yours, curling around it, sucking it between his lips tenderly as he took a slow rhythm to get you used to him.

He sprinkled kisses across your face, sloppy ones running over your warm naked skin, inevitably coming back to your neck, nibbling lightly. He traced your collarbone with his lips, running along it until he reached your shoulder, where the rounded skin was bitten and a moan was torn from your lips.

His hand came to take your arm, kissing the skin gently as he raised it, straightening slightly to manipulate and kiss it better.

His lips came to linger on the inner skin of your arms, depositing his lips gently as he traced that softened area, his pelvis taking on a slightly faster rhythm.

After the little treatment he'd given you, you weren't going to last long, so you let yourself be carried and touched by his adoring lips.

His tongue traced the skin on the inside of your wrist, his teeth grazing the separation between your hand and it. He came to kiss your palm, then delicately placed his lips on each of your knuckles before pressing it against his cheek.

Your thumb caressed it, and he surrendered to your touch. He then guided it to the side of your head, his fingers nestling in the crack of yours until your hands were intertwined.

"Qué guapa," he breathed.

His rhythm quickened, and you could feel the knot in your belly gradually tightening as Miguel's thrusting in and out of you became sublime, and the sounds you were making multiplied as he hit all the right spots.

Your fingers tightened on Miguel's hand as your other reached down his back to grip his arm, squeezing hard as you felt you were going to come.

"Miguel," you sobbed as he returned to kiss your lips, "I'm close."

It was a miracle you managed to get those few words right. The hand that wasn't intertwined with yours came to cup your face before moving down your body to grab your hip, a deep sigh escaping from his throat.

And you felt his canine gently bite your lip as the knot burst in your lower belly and a moan echoed in your throat. It was like a bolt of lightning striking against metal, spreading out in a powerful electric shock in your entire body as the pleasure beat like a second heart. Miguel's voice growled against your skin as you closed around him spasmodically, your nails clawing at his arm.

You twitched, Miguel kissing your forehead, your eyelids, your nose, your lips. You were slowly coming down from your clouds, the sensations you had gradually fading.

"Tan buena..." he whispered, close to your lips, "but I'm not done with you yet.”

His fingers loosened from yours as he grabbed your arms with both hands to pull you against him and straighten you up. He was sitting, still inside you, making you sit on top of him, facing him.

One of his hands grabbed one of your buttocks, guiding you to move back and forth on him, while his other was on your back, caressing it.

He came to attack your lips again, the sound of your two bodies meeting clapping in the air as you felt completely disorientated by the pleasure. The speed with which he entered you was exceptional, and the sensations he triggered were even more so.

His lips moved over the back of your neck, then settled on your shoulder, his breathing becoming more and more jerky.

You tilted your head back, your voice interspersed with the feeling of him pounding you, the heat in your belly not entirely gone and tightening again.

Then the hand that had been resting on your back slipped between your two bodies and caressed your clit, your breath catching as you felt the cloud spread once more to the small of your back.

Miguel's voice grew less hushed as his rhythm quickened, his fingers working your clit with speed as you felt the climax building up again.

And all at once, you felt his fangs penetrate your beloved as he gave a powerful thrust, and you both came. The earth stopped spinning as you felt like you'd been sent miles above the clouds, both your bodies warm against each other, both of you breathless.

Everything seemed soft, floating, an inner peace had taken hold of both of you as you came down from this peak of pleasure.

He held you against him gently, running his tongue over the two slits he'd made in your skin. He pulled out of you, placing you so gently and carefully on the mattress that it was as if he had a spider's web in his hands.

You snuggled up to him, and he pulled the blanket over you as he kissed you again.

You felt safe here, cuddled in his huge arms that wrapped around you, his hands caressing your body with pure adoration and softness.

You kissed his chest, on one of his scars, and he breathed a profound sigh.

"How did you know?" he whispered.

The end of his question never came, but it was simple: how did you know I wanted to be kissed here? Probably no one had ever touched him this way, here, like that.

"There's nothing like tenderness to soothe the scars." you smiled.

He breathed out, his eyes had returned to their natural brown. He pressed you a little closer to him, his eyes locked in yours. Blue words are the ones you say with your eyes, when your lips are too tired.

"Maybe we'll have to find a name for this pseudo-friendship?" he smiled, the little chat you'd had on the first mission coming back to you as you smiled and kissed him sweetly.

"Why when we already have two letters?" you replied, placing your hand on his cheek, kissing your palm as his hand caressed your waist.

"Two letters?" he asked, curious.

"Yeah," you confirmed, your voice becoming a whisper, "us."

He gave you a candid, sincere smile before kissing your lips softly.

"Yes," he nodded, "we could make a great us, muñeca."

Us, two letters, a whole world.

#madschiavelique ⟢ ݁ ˖‧˚₊ ☁︎#miguel o’hara x reader #miguel o'hara smut #miguel o'hara #miguel o'hara x you #miguel ohara x reader #miguel o'hara x fem!reader #spiderman 2099 x reader #miguel x reader #astv x reader #miguel ohara #miguel x you #miguel spiderverse #miguel o'hara x y/n #miguel x y/n #miguel spiderman #miguel astv #smut #Spotify

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barblaz-arts · 1 month

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Fellow Chaggie shipper, here and I wanted to ask you a question. Could you please do an analysis post on the Chaggie argument from Hello Rosie. I know this will sound weird but I can't get over the level of icy anger Charlie had towards Vaggie or how despite everything going on, Charlie is more hurt from Vaggie not being honest with her. Just angst all around.

Oh yeah sure I'd love to!

I'm not sure there's a lot I can say about that argument that isn't already super obvious, so I wanna talk about Charlie's anger because of something my brother said as we watched episode 7. He loved that episode apparently because "When they're separated, it's even more obvious that Charlie is the one who's more quick to lose her cool." Which, looking back, is actually true!(To an extent)

Vaggie and Charlie are both quite quick to anger. Charlie is just better at hiding it because she's a chronic people pleaser. Although Charlie wouldn't immediately show her anger at a person being a jerk to her specifically, she's immediately summoning fire and brimstone over anyone who hurts/insults her friends or the cause she's fighting for.

Love this lil bit in "You Didn't Know". How Vaggie is the one telling Charlie to calm down, as if she knows what's about to happen. She knows that if she doesn't at least try to reel in her girl Charlie would be spitting literal fire at a goddamn seraphim.

It would seem like such a surprising role reversal, but if you look at all the times Charlie would lose it whenever Vaggie's not there to tell her "babe, chill", then it makes sense.

But then when their fallout happens, Charlie's short temper is even more apparent. She calls Alastor an asshole to his face even though she considered choosing his support over her father's. She openly glares and rolls her eyes at Rosie when she jokes that her and Alastor look like an item even though she still kept things cordial with Valentino after he licked her arm. She flips the bird at some old lady even though she didn't take visible offense at all the demons that inserted their crude and rude selves in "Happy Day in Hell." While she was cold and subdued even when upset with Vaggie, she was explosive and in ur face when she was pissed at everyone else.

Vaggie reigned in both the girl in Charlie who dreams a little too big and the demon who's waiting to lash out in flames. It really makes me wonder if there's a difference in the kind of person Charlie used to be before Vaggie. Before she had friends to be angry on behalf of and a person to calm her down. And then, in the wake of their argument, Charlie is left with a lot of anger that is easy to ignite.

But I love love love that despite all that anger, Charlie can't bring herself to deny that she loves Vaggie with all of her hurt heart.

This little moment is one of my favorite parts in the series. My brother mentioned that this episode and episode three were his favorites because he liked the beats the dialogues followed. So he looked back--

(the man literally paused the episode to check the opening credits of ep 7 and 3. I was a little annoyed because I just wanted my Chaggie dammit! We'd make terrible youtube reactors with all the pausing and discussing mid-episode that we do...)

--and was satisfied to see that it was written by the same person, Ariel Ladensohn. Apparently she's in a sapphic relationship too and projected her own experiences whenever she wrote Vaggie and Charlie, and it must have paid off because the moments she wrote with them felt so real.

Charlie expressing her fear that even Vaggie's support and love could also be part of the lies she told was understandable considering the betrayal she felt. But immediately following that she goes "Oh that's a horrible to thing to think!" which I love even more. Even when she's understandably mad she thinks about how Vaggie would feel over Charlie thinking that of her. Because although Vaggie lied about who she is, Vaggie was always sincere about how she felt for Charlie. Vaggie's past may have been a lie, but the things she did for, to, and on behalf of Charlie were very real and held dear in Charlie's heart.

I dont have anything smart to say to conclude this. Sorry, I'm not even sure where I went here. Let's all just appreciate the smile Charlie has on her face when she thinks about Vaggie even when she's under a lot of stress I guess.

#asks #hazbin hotel #chaggie #truly love charlie as a character #i dont agree with people who say that charlie didn't feel like the main character of the show #she is still very much the heart and star of the story #if they felt more drawn to the male characters that isn't fully the show's fault #Alastor didn't even have as much screentime as i thought he would have #which is good!#he's entertaining but better in certain doses

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mysteriouswolf · 2 months

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I'm going to start this off with saying it hurts. It fucking hurts. It hurts so, so much, and there's parts of me that still desperately want to look for a way out, to make him not the bad guy, but there isn't one.

Wilbur Soot is a fucking asshole. A piece of absolute trash, and it hurts. Because I've looked up to him for so many years now. He's been such an inspiration and comfort in my life, from dealing with issues I have myself, and giving me all the more reason to stay here. And now he's turned out to be like this. To anyone who's been following what I reblog about him, it's conflicting, because my thoughts seem to change by the minute. But I'm hoping in saying this I can clear my head and make a definite decision.

I will never be supporting Wilbur ever again. No matter how much better he gets, I don't care. What he did was unexcusable, and if you think otherwise, you can fuck off of my blog. His "apology" wasn't an apology, and for the most part all he did was defend himself. The responses from other content creators have pushed me to agree that yes, fuck Wilbur. He's an ass. I think I've stated this a couple times.

What he did to them, especially Niki and Tommy was inexcusable as well from what we know, and since Tommy is going on tour in about a week (if he's still going/up to it) PLEASE no one harass him with questions, or how he feels. Please, just leave him alone. I'm sure it's a lot to process for him too- even more than us.

I've seen some posts saying how we should be angry at other content creators for not speaking out sooner, but some of them have hinted at it/tried. And others haven't known enough, or didn't want to start causing something against him. The same reason Shelby didn't want to say his name. Maybe they couldn't. Please leave them alone.

The last thing I would like to say, is maybe controversial. If you disagree with me, I don't care, this is purely my opinion.

You can still enjoy his character. Your stories, your artwork, all that you've done with it. Don't feel bad about keeping it up, because that's yours now. You've worked so hard on it, and cared for that character so much that it's become far more yours than his. In regards to his music, I know his songs have provided a lot of us with comfort, including me. It's going to be really hard for me to stop listening to something I loved, but I'm going to make the effort- especially with his solo albums. Also, please don't harass the other members of Lovejoy. From what we know, they're lovely people, and if you're going to stop listening to them, great, do that, but don't harass them. Please. And if you do choose to listen to them, there's ways you can listen to music without supporting him- in my opinion covers are the best way to do that, but that one is up to you.

To wrap this up, I'd just like to say...please don't send death threats, or threats in general to anyone involved in this situation- including Wilbur. Leave them alone. Please.

This is subject to change if we get more information, but for now and the foreseeable future, this is my stance. I wish everyone hugs and comfort. This sucks. I'm sorry.

#wilbur situation #wilbur #wilbur soot #cc!tommy #tw: abuse #tommyinnit

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lovingmattysposts · 5 months

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Mustang

"we'd make out in your mustang to radio head"

"Never thought that one day, i'd be losing you"

pairing: y/n and matt sturniolo

summary: It was hard for you to be back in Boston, because Boston brought back memories you tried so hard to forget. You missed what you had here, you missed who you had here. And he was everywhere and you missed him so bad.

warnings: sooo much fluff but really sad, cursing, sadness, mentions of being turned on?? but thats the only suggestive part

i wrote this literally based on my life because I drive a mustang and love matthew sturniolo so I hope you love it too

xoxo, Autumn

I sighed as I dropped my bag into my old room, before collapsing into the bed.

I hated being home from college, but I also didn't it was a weird divide between my brain. It's filled with great memories, but also sad ones.

It just mainly make me think of the triplets, well mainly Matt. We were all really close in high school, but once I went of to college in MaryLand and they moved to L.A we drifted apart. Well that wasn't the first time.

We started to drift apart when Matt and I broke up. Neither of us took the break up well at all. We were both miserable. Obviously Nick and Chris, wanted to be their for their brother so they weren't there for me as much as I would hope.

Which now looking back it was a absolute insane thing to get angry over, it's their brother, they were going to support him no matter what. But i was young and I was hurt so I took my emotions from the breakup and pushed it on Nick and Chris for not being there for me.

The breakup was mutual, and not in the oh-he-broke-up-with-me-and-im-too-embarrassed-to-admit-it "mutual breakup". No, it was genuinally mutual. We both were in love deeply with one another and neither of us wanted to breakup at all.

One stupid fight over how we were going to work coast-to-coast and that was it. It was weird really. A really weird feeling when one minute you're in love and the next minute one stupid fight and it makes everything change.

We were just two scared teenagers who were too prideful to admit they were scared to lose one another to life. Living without Matt was a hard thing to grasp, because I never thought there would be a time where we weren't together.

I guess I got over it or at least tried to when I went off to college. I went on dates, kissed a few boys, even hooked up with one. But there was always a voice in the back of my head screaming "they aren't Matt"

It was weird kind of breakup. After the final goodbye that night, we never spoke again. Even living in the same city for three months after that until I went of to college and he moved to LA, we didn't speak once. And we hadn't in three years.

I forced myself not to check what he was doing, literally throwing my phone across my dorm room, just so I wouldn't check. It was hard since his entire life was online. Mine wasn't. It was easy for him to forget. It wasn't for me.

It really is hard to remember what their lips feel like when you kiss them for the last time and don't even know it.

Even three years after the breakup, every time I come to Boston I think of him. There were picture of him and I still plastered on my photo wall in my bedroom, I still haven't gotten the courage to take them down. I still had one of his shirts that was tucked away in my "stay home clothes" and I haven't taken it out since.

I especially think of him when I'm driving around in my Mustang. Since I didn't register it to my college, I left it at home along with all of the memories inside of it that I think of every time I get behind the wheel of that damn Mustang.

I just needed to go on a drive. To clear my head and to get my mind off my high school boyfriend. I stood up walking out of my brother and mumbling a quick bye to my parents and walking outside to the cold air.

I took my keys out of my sweatshirt and unlocked the car, pulling on the handle but pausing as I felt a memory wash over me.

"Matt" I giggled trying to push him off of me. He smiled against my neck and attempted to pin my arms down. "Whattt?" He smiled as his lips attached to my neck and then up to my face, kissing me softly.

I put my hands on his face as we kissed slowly, before pushing him back slightly. He was fully leaned over the entire middle consul, on top of me.

"Matt we have to go inside" I smiled looking at my boyfriend as he smiled stupidly at me, looking only down at my lips as I spoke. "Hmm hm" He hummed finally looking up at my eyes, his eyelids hooded. I don't know if it was from how early it was or from the kiss.

"Did you hear a word I said?" I giggled. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me against him. "Nope" He smiled against my lips catching mine in a kiss again. I smiled as we kissed, as if it were the first time we had ever kissed. Butterflies filling my stomach as he rubbed his thumb back and forth against me, as we kissed.

I knew really believed in love before I met Matthew Sturniolo. I thought the books were stupid, the movies were unrealistic, and the couples in love around us were just going to end up hurt or cheated on. Because that was all I had ever known, that was before a blue eyes lacrosse player passed me in the hallway and we made eye-contact for a little too long.

I never believed in love at first sight either until that day. I thought it was cheesy, and terribly inaccurate, but something inside of me told me that boy would be in my life for a longgg time.

He pulled away from the kiss and brought his hands up to my face, rubbing his thumbs back and forth against my cheeks smiling down at me in adoration.

I never saw myself as a romantic either. Kind of kept to myself, was sarcastic and thought I would die before talking to a man in a baby voice, and a part of me thinks everyone thinks that way before they find their first love. Well in this case, the love of my life. There wouldn't be a minute for the rest of my life where I didn't love Matt.

"I love you" He whispered, leaning down and kissing my nose, making me giggle. He sighed leaning down against my shoulder and running his hand over my steering wheel. "And I love your car" he sighed, making me roll my eyes. "Sometimes I feel like you only like me for my car" I joked making him lift his head and furrow his eyebrows.

"What no, you're the love of my life. The car is just a plus to dating you" He said shaking his head. It was embarrassing the effect his words had on my physical being. I blushed, making him smile.

"I like when I make you blush" He smiled leaning down and kissing me again. The other plus to dating Matt, other than simply everything about him, was his lips. Oh my God, his lips. They were perfect and boy did that boy know how to kiss.

I honestly didn't know kissing someone was suppose to be enjoyable before kissing him. I could fall asleep kissing him. If my lips could be on his ever second of everyday, they would be. He quite literally changed my world.

He slipped his tongue into my mouth, making me hum against him deepening the kiss. He smiled as he kissed me harder. There was a hard knock against my window, causing Matt to jump off of me, due to the loud noise. He looked behind me, since my back was against the door. He sighed and sat back in the passenger seat.

I turned around seeing his brothers standing next to my car. I rolled down the window and they both leaned down poking their heads into the car.

"Jesus do you two ever come up for air?" Chris said looking between us making me smile and look down at my lap. "Seriously the whole school yard just saw you two suffocating each other with your mouths" Nick shook his head. Matt laughed and shook his head, looking over at me.

"I'm getting your windows tinted for Christmas" He said shaking his head. I rolled my eyes and turned back to Nick and Chris. "Do you guys need something?" I asked looking between two of my best friends. "Yeah dumbass, School's about to start" Chris said motioning to everyone walking inside.

"But it's coldd outside, and it's so warm in here" I sighed, leaning towards Matt. Matt pouted looking at his brothers and wrapped his arms around me.

"If you miss another class, you're benched at the next game Matthew" his brother said unimpressed. Matt sighed letting me go. I leaned back up in my seat.

I looked over to Matt who looked at me and then to his brothers. "Yeah yeah, just give us a minute" He said leaning over and starting to roll up the window, making me shake my head.

"You two are gross!" Nick yelled as he walked away. "Her lips will still be there after first period Matt!" Chris yelled as the window close. I laughed and shook my head, before Matt turned my head capturing my lips in his again. I fell into the kiss again so easily before pushing him slightly.

"Matt, we have to go. I can't miss first period again" I sighed as I looked into his blue eyes. He closed his eyes and sighed. "Fine" He breathed leaning back over, grabbing his bag off the floor in front of me. I giggled at his frustrated demeanour.

"Wait" I smiled making him look up as I reached over grabbing his shirt connecting our lips again. He smiled against me as he dropped his bag again, bringing his hand up to cup my face again. I pulled away as he kissed me deeper.

"Okay, Okay, we have to go" I said shaking my head, trying to shake the redness in my face. I turned off the car and grabbed my keys.

"Wait, we have to wait a second" He breathed making me glance over at him as he groaned leaning his head back against the chair, attempting to adjust his shorts. I looked down noticing the tent in his pants.

I rolled my eyes. "Seriously?" I said raising my eyebrows. He glanced over at me, smirking. "I can't help what you do to be y/n" he laughed. I shook my head smiling and looked out the window.

He was going to be the death of me.

I shook my head, dropping my smile at the memory and climbed into my car, turning it on and immediatley turning on the heat to wipe away the goosebumps on my legs.

I sighed as I pulled out of my house and pulled out onto the road. Clear my head. Just clear my head. But everything about this car screamed Matt.

I looked over at the empty passenger seat and sighed. Physically seeing Matt there in my mind, but he wasn't. He was thousands of miles away not thinking about me.

As i drove around my empty town, playing song after song trying to make myself feel better, made it worse. I felt pathetic. Thinking about my ex-boyfriend of three years ago, wasn't good. Why was I still thinking about him.

I tried to convince myself it was just because I was here in Boston, in this car, but another part of my brain reminded me that I promised to him and to myself that I would always love him. I hated myself because I stuck to my word. That's why I didn't reach out after the breakup, because I said that if was better if we both just tried to move on. That we had to move on and we wouldn't if we were still in contact.

It's when he agreed to it was when the reality of my words set into me like a ton of bricks. The amount of times I wanted to show up at his front door step, telling him I was wrong. That I couldn't live without him. That we were stupid for ever thinking our breakup was what we both needed. But I never did, and he never showed up at my door either.

I guess a part of me moved on, or maybe my brain just convinced me that I did. I don't feel like I did, because there was never another Matt. All these boys i've met, it was hard to even picture them to be the same species as Matthew Sturniolo, because they were cold, hard, mean, assholes. Matt was sweet, kind, loving, and tender hearted. To put them in the same category as him would just be an insult to Matt.

So I waited until someone like Matthew Sturniolo came along. I've waited three years and I've not met one other soul like him. It wasn't fair.

I sighed. I needed to go home, take a hot shower, and stop torturing myself. I pulled around, driving back towards my house, trying to erase every single thing i've thought about on this long miserable drive. Once I stepped out of this car, I wasn't going to think about him again.

I was going to turn off this car and open the door and leave all my feelings and hopes for Matt inside of it because It wasn't fair to myself. I needed to let go.

I turned into my neighborhood and pulled up to my driveway, driving in. I parked the car and took a deep breathe, rubbing my hands over my face. I sighed, turning off the car and opening the door.

If it was meant to be it will be, at least that's what the poets say. But then again aren't all poets just people writing about what they think love is? Not the actual reality of it? They don't write about the breakups or the hard times, they talk about the falling. The feeling of being in love. Something so strong it could kill a person, that part I guess now I believed to be true. So maybe all poets are idiots.

I swallowed shaking my thoughts before opening my door and stepping out before looking back inside, and taking a deep breath closing my eyes before I shut it finally.

That was it. Now those were just memories. That's all they can be and thats all i'll allow them to be. From here on out I wasn't going to tourtue myself. From here on out not one more thought would cross my brain thinking about-

I froze.

"Matt?"

Standing there.

Right there.

In front of me.

My feet froze.

He stood tall in front of me, black hoodie, black pants and small scruff lining his jawline. His eyes as blue as ever and his hair still as floppy as I remembered, just a little longer. I blinked, frozen in time. My heart was beating so fast I thought I would have collaspted right then and there.

"Y/n" He spoke finally. My lips parted slightly as I stood in front of the boy that I loved all those years ago. The boy I just spent the last hour killing my mind over.

He licked his lips looking down at me with an expression I couldn't understand. "W-What are you doing here?" I breathed, barley blinking staring up at him. He let out a breath as he looked at me pulling his hands out of the pockets of his sweatshirt.

"I-I was in town and I-" I stopped as he looked down at me. I stared up at him waiting for his explanation. "I don't know I just kind of came over here. I didn't really have a plan. I don't know what to say, but I just started walking and I ended up here" He breathed, seeing his breath come out in a vapor in the coldness of the air around us. Making it real. He was there.

I blinked at him. I opened my mouth to say something but closed it, not knowing what to say. I honestly wanted to look up at the sky and wish for a million dollars and see if that would come walking up to my house too. But no. This was more of a shock than if that happened.

"I know-" He shook his head. "I know this is probably a lot for you, and I can leave if you don't want to see me and I know that showing up here after three years is so shitty so I understand if-" He spoke but I cut him off stepping forward and wrapping my arms around his torso, leaning my head against his chest, holding him tightly. This was real.

I let out a breath for what felt like the first time in three years. He paused for a second, suprized from the sudden embrace, before wrapping his arms around me just as tightly, leaning his head against the top of mine. I closed my eyes thinking If i ever let go he would dissapear and I would wake up from my dream.

"Matt" I breathed again. He let out a deep breath. "Y/n" He stated again. We sat there for a long time, just holding each other like speaking three years worth of words, without actually talking.

I pulled back looking up at him. He smiled down at me, tears in his eyes and tears in mine.

"How's LA?" I smiled, my eyes full of tears. He chuckled hanging his head breifly before looking back up at me. "It's not Boston" He shook his head. I chuckled, wiping the bottom of my eyes. I nodded just smiling up at him.

"I missed you" He shook his head, biting his lips as it quivered due to the tears threatening to spill. I shook my head looking down as I let out a breath. I leaned up wiping his tears with my thumb.

"I missed you sweet boy" I whispered as a tear ran down my face. He reached up, wiping it. I swallowed.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" He whispered smiling through his tears. I laughed handing my head before shaking it. He smiled. "Thank God" He breathed before leaning down and kissing me passionatly. I smiled as we kissed, tasting the tears between us.

He reached down wrapping his hands under my waist pulling our bodies together as I held his face in my hands. I couldn't believe this was real. His lips were exactly how I remembered, as If not a single day had passed between us.

I pulled back, but didn't move away from him, as I looked into his eyes, soothing his cheek.

"I miss you too" I breathed, he smiled. I laughed through my tears, leaning my head against his chest. He wrapped his arms tighter around me and we sat there.

All of the sudden a car came racing up to my house, before slamming on the breaks. I looked up at Matt, who sighed closing his eyes. I turned as I heard the slamming of car doors.

Nick and Chris emerged from the car before sighing when they saw us. Matt's grip didn't loosen on me, like if he let go he'd be afraid I would run away. Little did he know I wasn't moving away from him even if he pushed me off of him.

"Matt you scared the shit out of us" Chris shook his head as he walked up to us. I looked up at Matt, who didn't look fazed by his brothers whatsoever. I looked back seeing Nick coming around the otherside of the car.

"Thank God you're okay" Chris said making it up to us. Nick walked over. "You can't just take off and not tell us where you're going without your phone" Nick shook his head.

"Guys i'm fine" Matt reassured them. He looked down at me. "I'm better than fine" He whispered looking down at me in his arms. I smiled up at him.

"We thought you'd be here" Nick sighed looking over at us. I smiled looking over at Nick and Chris. They looked like them, but older. Kind of like Matt. Chris's hair was longer and Nick was blonde.

I smiled leaning my head against Matt, both of our arms still wrapped in one another. Nick sighed shaking his head.

"Alright, you guys will still be alive when you let go. Now y/n come over here and give me a hug" Nick smiled. I looked up at Matt smiling before finally dropping my arms and walking over to Nick, hugging him. He sighed against me.

"Missed you" He mumbled. "I miss you guys so much" I said looking over to Chris before opening my arms in offer for him to join the hug. He rolled his eyes smiling before joining Nick and I.

"Missed you kid" He mumbled squeezing us.

"Alright. Alright, get off her" Matt said walking up to us, before pulling me against him again. I laughed and shook my head at him. Still now, he only wanted me to himself and I could have melted.

"Will you come home now? Mom hasn't seen you yet" Chris shook his head. Matt let out a breath before looking down at me. I smiled up at him.

"Yeah, but there's something we have to do first" He explained looking up at his brothers. I furrowed my eyebrows looking at Matt. He looked towards the car.

"Can we go for a drive?"

I looked over at my mustang before smiling up at him. "Please?" I said letting out a breath. He smiled, leaning down and kissing my forehead. He grabbed my hand as he pulled me towards the car.

WOW I LITERALLY CRIED MULTIPLE TIMES WHILE WRITING THIS. hope you guys did too🥹

tag list: @rac00ns-are-c00l4 @miastromboli @secret-sturniolo @sturnsclutter @sturniolodreamz @ejswift @paper-crab @mwah0mwah @ghostgurlswrld @kitaysworld @meg-sturniolo @nickmillersn1gf @fr3shl0ve @adrianaturnedpretty @jjslovely

#chris sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #nick sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo smut #sturniolo x reader #christopher sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #matt sturniolo #Spotify

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anadiasmount · 3 months

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promise - trent alexander arnold x reader.

quick sum: based on these two requests! best friends should always remain best friends. what happens when one has enough of the back and forth and begins to move on?

wc: 3k | masterlist | trent's masterlist

psa 🗣️: hi !! second trent fic as highly requested!! feel very proud of this one so i hope you enjoy!! did use promise by romeo santos ft usher bc i felt like it fit the plot 🤭🤍

trent watched from across the room, sipping on his whiskey observing the way you laugh and smiled at the stranger he didn’t know. he cleared his throat and scratched the his nose in annoyance as he watched you share a kiss, resting your forehead on his.

he felt a pan of jealousy override him, the feeling in his chest felt harsh and fire like seeing you with another man. everyone had their eyes on you, including the girl who sat in front of trent. you worse a sexy red dress, calling attention even from him.

how was it even possible for the two of you to be at the same place, at the same time? was it fate?

"you seem distracted. are you okay?" asked the woman in front of trent, he looked over at her giving her a fake smile, and nodded. "i'm okay, are you enjoying the food?" he asked cautiously, not wanting to make things more awkward than they already were.

he listened to what she said but his eyes kept going back to you and him. trent hated him, even without knowing him, he was angry because he got to do all the stuff that trent wished to do. he hid the bubble of frustration and anger, drowning the urge to go over and question you.

he knew it was partially his fault for letting you go, and that disappointed him even more. he pushed you away, lacked communication, and had commitment issues, when he promised so much. you deserved better and that was trent's only thought about when you were together.

you needed a man who'd be with you always and gave you love and support. trent was the opposite, always away for games, training, shoots, and interviews, he felt like he barely saw you towards the end of the day. trent felt like the relationship was one-sided to him, and he felt it was about him when with you.

even though there was no label, the feelings were clear. he loved you, and you loved him. he knew he loved you the first time he laid eyes on you, watching how you nervously struggled to say words but overall how dedicated, strong, and loving you were. you were a speaker and listener, which he admired.

you worked with kids a lot, earning your degree in education and speech development for kids. you were more than ready to settle down, but the hesitance within trent made him fear if he was truly "ready for more".

trent remembers the good and hard days, when you cuddled into his embrace and stroked his skin softly, pressing kisses all over his face, making dinner and cookies, watching re-runs of gossip girl, when trent felt most safe when he held you as you slept or said nothing and just stared into each other's eyes.

the bad days especially after a tough match, or he just didn't know how to handle things. where he didn't even spare a glance or word at you, leaving you hurt and confused. ignoring your calls or messages. shrugging your touches and words of comfort. not only did it sting you but also him.

trent quickly paid for dinner, grabbed the girls hand, and approached your table, where you sat with your legs crossed and sipped on your wine. you took a double take when you saw the familiar body approach you, feeling your skin heat up with nerves as you saw his dismounted look.

you sat up straighter, giving fabian a nervous smile before speaking up. "trent, hi," you say very monotonely, glancing at the girl who matched almost similar to trent with a grey dress. "what are you doing, y/n?" he taunted, ticking his head to the side referring to fabian. you shook your head pleading to not start a scene.

"fabian meet trent," you introduced stuttering standing up and him following your movements. the girl gave you a nasty look, wrapping her hand around trent's bicep in a protective manner, making your heart twinge with pain. "he's my-" you start.

"boyfriend. i'm her boyfriend." fabian cuts you off, coping trent's facial features in amusement, maybe even bewilderment.

"uh..." you swift your head quickly, stunned and surprised by his words. you weren't anyone's girlfriend, so it confused you why he'd say that to trent. trent's brows perked up offering an enraged smile and licked his lips. "boyfriend huh? how come i didn't know this y/n?" trent asked, releasing his arm from her and crossing them across his chest.

"trent, please not right now..." you begged, wishing you could've ignored him and pretended to be strangers again. trent easily got jealous, and you noticed it right away when you saw the irritation behind his brown eyes, jaw clenched and muscles tense. "just asking a question, y/n," trent shrugged, pursing his lips upside down nonchalantly.

"outside, now," you said dragging him out before trent could continue his games any longer, and muttering a quick 'excuse me' to fabian who sat down. you felt deceived and overall embarrassed at his actions. who was he to demand questions when he threw all of it away? get jealous and angry when he wasn't even yours?

"what do you think you're doing?"

"i don't get it. you say we're done, but here you are moved on y/n?" trent spits out. "is that why initiated us to end? because you felt the need to be away and search for other options?" he continued stepping closer to you. you scoffed and bursted out laughing.

"oh please! you can't be serious when you gave me the reason all along! you acted like a lost puppy and treated me like i was nothing. i tried, gave you my all, tried to support and be there for you and when i begged you for an ounce of attention you pulled away trent! im done with you, and us," you state feeling the knot in your throat build up as you spoke.

you try to walk away but he wraps his hand around your elbow pulling you to him. "i'm not done." you try to push him away but he refuses, bringing his hand to the back of your head and hugging your waist, your struggles coming to an end when you smell the familiar cologne and sense of home in his embrace. “i’m done with playing games y/n… i swear this time.”

“this time? or until you realize you're still afraid of commitment? i need a man trent, not a boy who will leave me when he pleases or gets scared. you proved to me who you were, and i don't want to tangle myself into that mess again…” you whisper, tears running down your cheeks as trent places small kisses on your head and below your ear.

the words let out your mouth hurt trent, feeling his insides turn and anger disappear. all he wanted to do know was never let you go, beg onto his knees if that was what it took to plead and get you back. he’d do anything.

your body felt tense and cold, wanting to be miles away from him, because you knew with trent you faced the reality of always wanting to come back. it wasn’t healthy, you gave him your all for him to push you away. “let go t…”

“i can’t not now, or ever. please i’ll do anything…”

“it’s too late, i need to move on from you or else i’m just bound to end up in the same cycle of getting hurt everytime i’m with you. It’s not fair… also what are you proving to me right now, hmm? that girl inside? who else is gonna come between us now? i can’t trust myself around you…” you let out, gripping his biceps and feeling the cool air between the space of both you as you pulled back.

you sniffled and wiped your tears away, hands smoothing the dress and tucking you hair into place as the wind had blew. trent itched to pull you closer but he saw the mess he created in front of him. why every time he pulled back was because of this, afraid of hurting you. you were right, maybe it was too late. “i’m sorry trent, but i deserve to be happy after i moved heaven and hell with you…”

“i want to be selfish y/n… it's taking everything inside me to drag you away and prove to you i have changed… that i won't walk away from you or us… i’ll say it now and repeat as long as it will take for you to be with me. i love you… i love so fucking much y/n,” he felt relief after holding in the words that tortured him every day since he left you.

he loved you endlessly. the way your eyes shimmered when you laughed or smiled. held his hand and drew shapes to get rid of the nerves. he loved the charisma and energy you carried to be a new and stronger person everyday. he loved you because at the end of the day, you were his best friend and understood him like no one else did.

you scoffed out a laugh in disbelief, yet felt the hope and rushed feelings return when you locked eyes with him. “love? you don’t what that is. the love you claim to have left when i walked away,” you say with no remore, walking back into the restuarant before trent stops you again.

"y/n please. i'm being serious, just hear me out."

"so am i trent. when i say i'm done, i'm done. this isn't going to help, if you say you're a changed man then prove that to me. but right now you're the same trent i met and left me alone constantly," you felt your heart dragged out and painted along the sidewalk.

------------

you bit your lip in worry and desperation as you saw another bouquet of flowers and a small card on your desk, knowing exactly who they belonged to. you sighed and opened the card, reading it word for word before tucking into your desk drawer along with the others.

"red tulips symbolizes love and lust. i love you forever y/n." - trent

he'd sent a boquest of flowers each friday, everytime expalining their meaning and cofessing his love for you over and over again. not only that but he'd send small gifts to your flat, going from food, books, jewelry, or small frames that spoke to you. you had filled your rooms with all of them, not wanting to throw them away.

you shouldn't have kept the gifts, discarding them the chance you received them. but something inside always felt an attachment to him. unable to look away or smile when you saw a small box filled with goodies. it wasn't right especially when fabian was still in the picture.

"another bouquet?" asks your coworker, looking at them from your doorway. "erm yeah," you stutter, "seems like he wants to prove a point y/n... cause it's not only flowers he's sending also small gifts," she points out. "real question is, who are you going to pick at the end of the day..."

"i don't know," you say sitting on the chair leaning back and feeling frustration building in your head. you take a sip of water, trying to ooze the nerves and listen to your coworker. "go with the one that at the end of the day will cherish and honor you forever. the one who'd do anything and everything to be aside with you. because that's a good man."

you thought about what she said all day. her words taunting and making you shiver every time you thought of it. it followed you all the way home to your flat where you looked around and saw all of trent's gifts. you chuckle disgruntled, and remove your coat, getting ready for your date with fabian.

------------

"this isn't working for me y/n," fabian sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and clearing his throat. "i'm getting the sense either you're not ready or you're still stuck on someone from the past... and i need to know because i can't wait any longer," fabian laid the truth on the table.

words struggled to come out of your mouth, feeling defeated and overall disappointed. but fabian was right about something, struggling to move on from trent. he was all you thought about since that night at the restaurant. his pained look with tearful eyes. the way he held you along his chest begging you.

"is there someone in the past you haven't moved on from?" he asked carefully, leaning forward to where you felt your heart pump out your chest. how could you answer that without hurting him? he deserved better and here you were ruining that for him, after all along he treated you like a queen.

"fabian," you croaked giving him a small smile. that alone said enough for him, shaking his head while he tried to get rid of the wave of sadness. "you changed after that night. i don't know what he said to change your mind but if that's how you want to live your life, go for it. i'm not stopping you."

"you don't understand-"

"i don't understand? please let's be civil now y/n. you told me all this shit about him and here you are doing the same to me? you told me i made you happy, that you liked where we were headed. suddenly you're back to your old self who couldn't get over him," fabian expressed angrily and obviously hurt.

your stomach turned, reaching your hand out just for him to pull away. it felt unbearable, the misery and pain of once again losing someone in your life. the bile in your veins filled with venom, how many more would it take till you finally had your happy ever after?

"i thought you were it for me, but now i want nothing to do with you."

fabian got up from the table leaving with stained tears and embarrassment, people looking over and seeing you. you felt like you deserved it, after all you were the reason he was leaving you. with shaky hands and a heavy heart filled with sorrow, you paid and left to the only place you could think of.

"i hate you," you yelled once trent revealed the door. "i hate you so much trent," you cried out gasping for air throwing your clutch onto his sofa and facing him. "when there's finally something good in my life you go and ruin it!"

"y/n breathe... i don't understand-"

"i can't stop thinking of you or what you've said. and for that reason, i lost a man who truly deserved my time and love. i can't have or think of anyone because you're always in my head trent. i just need sanity and peace," you point to your heart, vision blurry as you feel him hold your arms.

"i feel trapped trent, under these stupid feelings i have for you. all of your flowers and gifts, messages and voicemails you leave? it drives me insane," you said sniffling as sinking further into his embrace once again. "fabian is done with me, all because i turned out to be the person who hurt me the most..."

"i didn't deserve to go through all of that. the way you treated me or never communicated what you felt? wishing an longing for your love and affection when i most needed it. even after supporting you through your tough times, promising to be with you forever? i hate it all..."

you struggle out a painful laugh, "i mean look where i am now, back into the place where all this mess started..."

trent had to hide the excitement and contentment he felt upon hearing you and fabian were done. all that mattered now was you were finally here with him, after proving to you, he was in it for all. if proving every day how much he loved and missed you took to get you back, he'd do it forever.

"no you're back home where you belong," trent corrected you, grabbing your face and frowning at your state. you looked completely hopeless and rained with energy, eyes low, and puffy lips from crying. "you're back with me. i meant what i said y/n, i'm proving to you that i want to be here for you..."

"i wake up every day hoping you text me or leave me those silly note drawings. i love you so much it hurts to see you like this because of me. i was an asshole to you then but i promise y/n, i will give you my all if that's what it takes to get to spend the rest of my life with you."

"to hear about how the kids were in your classes and what they did. to eat those amazing cinnamon cookies, to hear your laugh, to see your eyes widen when they bore into mine when we cuddle in the same bed. to be able to wake up next to you..."

"it hurts me too y/n. to see you don't love or even acknowledge what i'll do for you..." trent clamors out, still holding your face as his thumb brushes away the new fresh of tear the slid down your cheek. "i love you so much, im afraid it's too late for us and tomorrow you'll be gone."

a moment of silence passes between the two of you, hearing your ragged breaths and sniffles as you both take in the situation and what was occurring. heart beating out of each other's chest, and pulse-raising a mile high.

"it's not late..." you say with no reluctance, despite what happened trent did prove himself how much loves you. fabian couldn't ever see or read that from you, having to either ignore the signs or ask. trent knew you better than anyone else, and he knew right there and then, that hope still laid on the table. "say it... i need to hear you say it."

"its not late because i love you too trent... i think i always have and always will... i couldn't stand the fact you were with someone who wasn't me. so much needs to be changed and heard trent. i refuse for you to say all this and then go back to square one," you clarify, a sense of warmth towering over you as he smiled down at you.

"just promise me one thing hmm? that you won't give up so easily or walk away like i did. we will talk it out and solve it because i can't go through another span where you're not next to me here," trent says, tracing your lips with his thumb. "i promise trent..." you swore desperately nodding at his words.

trent closes the space, lips molding with yours as he takes a breath finally being able to kiss you. he wastes no time and pushes his tongue through your lips able to taste your sweet fondness. hands holding you tight as you completely let yourself be unrestrained and into the way he kissed you.

"i promise you y/n, this isn't bullshit. what we have is special, and i'll make sure you see that..."

#trent alexander arnold #trent alexander arnold x reader #trent alexander arnold imagine #trent alexander arnold blurb #trent alexander arnold angst #trent alexander arnold fanfiction #football fanfic #football x you #football x reader #footballer #football imagine #football one shot

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trans-axolotl · 14 days

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content note: discussion of suicide.

this next monday will be the six year anniversary of losing one of my friends to suicide.

when he died, my high school barely mentioned his death, even though for other students who died by things like car crashes or illness, there were so many public expressions of grief. they believed that having any memorials for a student who died by suicide would encourage other people to die the same way. in their rush to erase the circumstances of his death, they erased the memory of his life.

there are so many things i am angry at that high school about in terms of how they treated mental health (mandatory reporting and collaborating with cops, their refusal to recognize the ways in which that system led to peer-to-peer crisis support, their refusal to recognize the ways that trying to keep each other alive through trial and error was scary and exhausting, carceral disciplinary policies, etc etc etc). but i think one of the things i am still angriest about is the way they enforced shame around his death. it felt like they were retroactively blaming him for the constellation of circumstances that made suicide an option in his life. it felt like they were blaming those of us who missed him and cared about him and wanted to grieve him. it made those of us still there who were actively suicidal feel even more scared about the reaction if we did reach out for help from one of those mythical safe adults.

as an adult now involved in psych abolition/mad liberation work, it makes me so fucking mad to see the ways in which he was discarded by people in authority positions. and the older i get, the more options i have found in my life for making sense of the world and finding healing and community and support which were never available to him because he died when he was 16 and the only things offered to him were a carceral psychiatric system that blamed him for his own fucking death. it feels so incredibly unfair.

i miss him and i think i always will; i can't remember his laugh or the sound of his voice or his favorite color any more and that aches. this grief is so heavy and it feels harder in a new way each year, when i become older than he will ever be. sometimes meeting new comrades or seeing new anticarceral suicide support models hurts because i wish so fucking bad that we had that back then. i remember how close we came to losing even more people that year and i know it is simple fucking luck that i'm still here when he's not.

i remember another letter (never sent) that i wrote to a friend while they were in an ICU bed after a suicide attempt when i didn't know if they would live or not. i have spent so much time in the past 10 years begging for anything to keep me and my friends alive, but even in that letter i knew that there is so much fucking violence that is hidden beneath psychiatric logics of cure and safety that promise a "solution" to suicide. I knew that institutionalization, coercion, and shame would not have helped build a life more liveable for him or **** or any of the people i've loved and lost since.

there needs to be more fucking options for care and support that aren't so incredibly cruel to suicidal people. i know so many people doing incredible work in alternatives, peer respite, a million different frameworks for healing and liberation. but it makes me so mad every day i have to live in a world where there are still people restrained, locked up in psych wards, having all autonomy and personhood taken away from them. knowing there are dozens of people every day getting blamed for their deaths the same way he was blamed for his.

i miss him. i cared so fucking much for him. and he died by suicide, and all of those things are true. he has been dead for 6 years and he lived before that and the people who loved him want to remember all of him; our celebrations of his life should not require hiding the way that he died.

Image description: [1000 origami cranes in all different colors and patterns that are tied together in strings of 25]

(these were the 1000 cranes we made to give to his parents, in memorial and recognition of how much he meant to us.)

#personal #suicide tw #suicide mention tw #psych abuse tw #psych ward tw #ok to reblog if u want #psych abolition #mad liberation #psych survivor #it's a lot of grief hours over here and will be for a while all week i think #lots of grief so many ways this year for so many people #but this week. his memory . my grief for him #is hitting especially hard. i think partially because of all the transitions in my life. i'm graduating college. he will never become an ad #adult.#i think i might ask my roommates if they will go do something to remember him with me. maybe making origami cranes and sending them off in #the river. or writing things down and burning them #idk. grief is hard #six years in grief is different. but hard

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yawnderu · 7 months

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She Wants Me Dead - Miguel O'Hara x Reader | Part I

I support women's rights and wrongs.

cw: toxic situationships, pathetic Miguel O'Hara, femme fatale reader, suggestive situations.

1 2 3

I love her so bad but she treats me like shit.

Miguel knows it's wrong. Hell, he has known from day one she was never someone anyone should ever get involved with. Oh, how he wishes he was strong enough to lock her up and throw away the key that held his love for her.

Oh, take this veil from off my eyes.

''Hey, big guy.'' His body tensed up when he heard the voice coming from behind him. His heart aches. He hates when you do that, showing up all smug as if you don't disappear for days, contacting him only when you need him.

''I missed you.'' He barely glanced down at you, noting how you always appear to make yourself smaller, even more adorable. Your soft, small hands running up and down the muscles on his back before your arms wrap themselves around his waist.

''... why do you do this to me?'' Is all he can ask, turning around and leaning down as he picks you up with ease, your legs wrapping around his waist while your arms hold his neck for support, face nuzzling his neck as you take in his scent. He closes his eyes, trying to focus on anything but the way your body fits perfectly on his.

''Do what? I like you— You're the best.'' A soft kiss is delivered to his jaw and he flinches slightly, breath hitching and neck growing rigid as you keep brushing your soft lips against it. He hates how his whole body language changes to show a degree of submission to you. He, the Spider-Man 2099, a 6'9 beast of a man who can tear through anything with his sharp claws and talons, becoming absolute putty under the hands of a villain much smaller than him.

''You know... You're the only superhero I like. Not only because you give me money— I mean, a big part is because of it, but you also look cool.'' You praise lazily, knowing he'd love any compliment coming from your lips.

''You know what? ... You're my favorite villain.'' I hate myself. His body is still tense from holding you so close, yet he can't help but want you, despite all he knows about you. Despite the way you use and abuse him. His voice is husky, but it's true; he's completely under your spell. A soft snicker comes from your lips, instantly making him roll his eyes.

''How much do you need this time?'' He changes the topic. He has a feeling and he knows you'll ask for a big amount of money, but he wants to hear you say it. He already pays for your lifestyle, yet somehow that's not enough for you, so he bends backwards to please you and avoid anything that can make you angry, upset, or leave. He has the money for it, anyway.

''Hmm... Just around $3000.'' You shrug your shoulders and look up at him with the same cat-like grin that makes his knees weak every. single. time.

''Just three grand?'' His shock is clearly feigned, yet you still snicker softly and his eyes lose a tiny bit of the edge in them. ''if it'll make you shut up for another 10 minutes, I'll give it to you.'' He shrugs his shoulders, acting uninterested as if he wouldn't lose his shit if you actually didn't talk to him for 10 minutes after your return.

''After that, I'll stop for a while. I'm not your cashcow.'' He adds as an afterthought, giving you a sharp look.

''You're not?'' You ask teasingly, voice laced with mirth as your lips brush against his neck again, planting a kiss right on his pulse. ''What if I do this, papi?'' Your tone is seductive, voice barely above a whisper. Miguel nearly stumbles back in surprise, plump lips parting slightly before he regains his composure. It takes everything he has in him to stay still, allowing your warm tongue to lick a clean line across his neck, muscles tensing up under the warm mass.

''You little—'' He can't even finish his sentence, your lips latching onto his neck after his suit disengages just enough to give you space to kiss, sucking on the previously covered skin as you leave your mark.

''Little what...? Little slut?'' You tease, gently licking the mark you made before starting to make a new one right below, being mindful enough to make sure that body part will be covered by his hologram suit.

''... Yes.'' He gasps softly in surrender, a low moan escaping his parted lips as he holds you even tighter, his fingers digging into the fabric of your clothes. He can feel his entire body shake from his knees up.

''When will I get the money?'' You finally let go of his poor, now marked up neck, looking up at him with the same smirk that he sees on his dreams and nightmares.

Miguel takes a second to catch his breath, looking around to make sure no one is near his office before he replies to you. ''When do you need it? Today? Tomorrow?'' His tone is even and businesslike now that he regained his breath.

''Today would be great.'' He brushes a stray strand of hair behind your ear, internally slapping himself yet wondering how someone so beautiful could be so evil. So shamelessly manipulative.

''You'll have it by tonight.'' He confirmed, his voice firmer and his expression serious as he looked down at you, still carrying you like you weight nothing— and for a man his height, you don't.

''But it'll be the last time. I'm not giving you any more money after this.'' He adds while looking at one of his monitors, afraid to look at you in fear of his resolve wavering.

''So I'll have to ask another man for money, Miguel...?'' Your tone is controlled and dangerous, though he can hear you feigning sadness at the news. Your hand holds his cheek, thumb right below his high cheekbone as you force him to look at you. ''What if he wants something else from me?''

Miguel bites his tongue and clenches his fists. God fucking dammit. He knows better than this. He hates when you make it all about you, and he hates how he falls for it every single time, as if he didn't know all your tactics by now.

''... Fine. You can have your money.'' His voice is rough, almost a growl, yet he knows better than to argue.

''You're amazing!'' You praise, arms raising slightly as you fake excitement, as if you didn't know he'd relent anyway. He rolls his eyes, a huff of air coming out of his nose as he gives you an unamused look.

''I'm doing what any good man would do, mami.'' Keep telling yourself that. ''And I'm not amazing, I'm a dumbass.'' He knows full well he's being played by you, that you'll turn those comments on him and use them as ammo, yet he doesn't care. The truth hurts either way, so he chooses to ignore it, he chooses to ignore the little voice in the back of his head and he chooses to love you.

''I'm serious.'' You give him an honest smile— something totally different from those teasing and smug grins you give him when you get your way. Just a pure smile that shows you're having fun with him, in a good way.

His gaze softens slightly when he realizes how honest your smile looks, the way it reaches your eyes and lights them up like stars he could gaze at for eternity, yet eventually the sun has to rise, this time in the form of the harsh reality.

''I see right through you, muñeca. I know your game.'' Miguel says, not rudely and his words don't hold his usual snark.

''It was never a secret.'' You shrug your shoulders, clearly not affected by him knowing you're playing him like a fiddle.

''Never said it was.'' The corners of his lips pull up in a subtle, knowing smirk as he looks down at you. ''But you should know that even without all the manipulation and the games... I'd do anything to help you. I'm a sucker for you, mami.''

''You'd do anything for me?'' Of course that's all you got out of his sentence.

''... Obviously not anything. I draw certain lines.'' He answers with pure honesty, trying to make it seem cool despite having you so close to him. ''But you know me. It doesn't take much to get whatever you want out of me.'' My heart is more yours than mine.

The corners of your lips tilt up into the smirk he knows all too well, yet you don't reply, simply staring up at him with your head slightly tilted to the side, examining his features like you have him under a microscope.

''You could have any woman... so why me?'' You ask curiously, the question that has been eating at your brain finally leaving your lips.

''Why not you?'' He turns the question to you, eyebrows slightly raised as he gives you a knowing look before elaborating. ''You're smart, charismatic, beautiful... Why any other woman when you have it all?'' You hum in acknowledgement, thinking about his words.

''Is it tiring? Loving me?'' Your tone is much more honest this time, as if you're deep in thought. His heart fills with fake hope as he sees your honest expression.

''Tiring? No...'' He replies in a whisper, voice rough for a moment as he thinks about it. ''No, mami, but it's hard.'' He matches your honesty, adjusting you so you're more comfortable as he carries you.

''I know you use me, but I still love you either way. It drives me crazy.'' He admits with a soft chuckle, a small smile on his lips despite the hurt in his eyes, showing you just how honest he's with you.

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rynwritesreid · 6 months

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You were my everything| Spencer Reid

Summary: Reader finds out JJ admitted that she loves Spencer. Just angst with some fluff involved. I think its GN, there might be some pronouns mentioned but I tried my best not too.

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Dr Spencer Reid was your everything, you loved him, and he loved you. But then him and JJ got taken hostage.

He was honest with you from the get-go, he used to have feelings for her, but he moved on.

But then she admitted she loved him, and she always had. Why the fuck would she say that she has children and a husband, but she says this to your boyfriend. You had talked to her about your relationship with him and she always seemed so supportive.

You were so mad at both of them, you hated having to look at them, having to see them talk with each other, laughing with one another. You hated both of them.

You tried your best to be civil, but every time you saw them together, your blood would boil. You didn't trust JJ and you didn't trust Spencer around her.

One day, as you were walking to your car after work, you saw JJ and Spencer walking together. They were laughing and joking like they didn't have a care in the world. You felt a searing anger build up inside of you as you watched them. You couldn't take it anymore.

You marched up to them and confronted them. "How can you two be so goddamn happy together after what she did?!" you yelled at Spencer. "She admitted she loves you, but she has a husband and kids! Did you even think about how that would make me feel?!"

Spencer looked at you with a pained expression. "I know, I'm sorry," he said softly. "I didn't know how to handle it. I love you; I swear. But I also care about JJ.”

“No. You don’t just care about JJ, you love her. You are fucking in love her because she said she loved you.” You spat at him. You then turned you attention to JJ.

“And you. I trusted you as a friend, I talked to you about everything, and you admit to my boyfriend that you love him.” You paused to look at them, they were both looking at their feet.

“You both lied to me and went behind my back. I hope you’re happy JJ. And Spencer, I’m glad the girl you love, finally loves you back.”

You turned away from them and walked into Hotch’s office. He could tell you were mad, no one else knew what had happened.

“Y/N are you okay?” He looked concerned; his voice though had not changed.

“I would like to take some leave. Spencer and JJ, they love each other, and I can’t be in the same room as them right now.” You tried to sound calm, to sound like you weren’t on the verge of tears.

Hotch looked at you for a moment before nodding. "Of course, take whatever time you need. Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, his voice full of concern and worry. You looked at Hotch like a father.

You shook your head. "No, I just need some time to...process everything," you said, your voice breaking slightly.

Hotch gave you a small smile and reached out to pat your hand. "Take all the time you need, Y/N. We'll be here when you're ready to come back," he said, before turning back to his work.

You walked out of the BAU building, tears streaming down your face. You had lost the two people you cared about most in the world, and you didn't know how you were going to move on.

As you drove away, you felt a searing pain in your chest. You loved Spencer more than anything, but you couldn't be with him if he still had feelings for JJ.

For the next few days, you stayed locked up in your apartment, not wanting to see or talk to anyone. You ignored all of Spencer's calls and texts, not wanting to hear his excuses or apologies. You were hurt and angry, and you didn't know if you could ever trust him again.

You wished he was a simple man to hate, so that you could turn off the love for him. But he wasn't a simple man. He was complex, with layers of intelligence, kindness, and love that you had fallen for. You couldn't just turn off your feelings for him no matter how much he had hurt you.

After a week of wallowing in your own misery, you decided that you needed to confront Spencer and JJ. You couldn't keep avoiding them forever, and you needed to know the truth about what was really going on between them.

You arranged to meet Spencer at a nearby coffee shop. As you sat across from him, you noticed how tired and defeated he looked. You wondered if he had been feeling as miserable as you had been.

"Spencer, I need to know the truth," you said, looking him straight in the eyes. "Are you still in love with JJ?"

Spencer took a deep breath before answering. "No, Y/N. I'm not in love with JJ. I thought I was for a while, but no I’m not. It’s you. You’re my everything. You were my everything and you will continue to be my everything.”

You felt a glimmer of hope inside of you at his words. Maybe there was a chance for your relationship after all.

“So why did you ignore me at work? Why did you hang with her so much and why did you stop kissing me or telling me that you loved me?”

Spencer looked down at his hands, a guilty expression on his face. "I didn't mean to ignore you, Y/N. I was just so confused and didn't know how to handle my feelings. I was afraid of losing both you and JJ, and I didn't want to hurt anyone. But I know now that what I have with you is real, and I don't want to lose you."

You studied Spencer's face for a moment, trying to gauge his sincerity. Despite your anger and hurt, you still loved him and wanted to believe him. "Okay," you said finally, nodding your head. "But what about JJ? What's going on between the two of you?"

He looked you in the eyes and reached for your hands. “Nothing is going on between. I promise. There was a gun pointed to my head and the guy asked for her to admit a secret, a secret nobody knew, and that was her secret.”

You listened carefully to Spencer's words, trying to process everything he was telling you. It was hard to believe that JJ's admission of love had been coerced, but you wanted to believe Spencer's version of events.

Spencer squeezed your hands tightly. "I know I messed up, Y/N. But please, give me another chance. I love you and I want to make things right."

You looked into his pleading eyes and felt your heart soften. Despite everything that had happened, you still loved Spencer with all your heart.

“Spencer, I still need space. I can’t just ignore how you treated me and how you acted around her.”

Spencer nodded understandingly. "I know, and I'll do whatever it takes to make it up to you. I just want to show you how much you mean to me."

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fayes-fics · 2 months

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When The World Is Free: Chapter 14 - Un Coin Tout Bleu

MASTERPOST PREV | NEXT

Pairing: Benedict Bridgerton x fem!reader, WW2 AU.

Warnings: None really... angst, make-ups, misunderstandings, confessions and a proposal.

Word Count: 1.9k

Author’s Note: Multi-chapter fic based on a request by the lovely @amillcitygirl. Please see the masterpost for a synopsis of this story. This is the penultimate chapter, so everyone is starting to make peace. There is one more chapter that will have explicit content and an epilogue to go. Thanks as always to @colettebronte for beta reading. Enjoy!

Aubrey Hall, UK, October 1939

Instinct has you up on your feet and chasing after, rounding into each room you pass, but you cannot find either of them. Your stride is definitely no match for Benedict’s; he is likely already far away.

When you stumble up the stairs, you collide with Violet. She is taken aback at first but then sees your apparent distress and has you in a hug before you know what is happening.

“Whatever is it, my dear?” she soothes into your hair.

“Eloise found Benedict and I asleep in an embrace and ran away in horror,” you stutter. “And then I let slip to Benedict you think he loves me, and then he ran. Oh god!! I have messed things up so horribly,” you lament.

Her motherly concern has you clinging to her, the sting of your mother’s recent rejection still a whiplash to your heart.

“Let us find my wilful daughter; she is likely just in shock, that is all.” she counsels calmly. “And then we will deal with your errant husband.”

Looping your arm with hers, Violet leads you to a few places where she knows Elose skulks when she wants to escape the world. You both eventually find her in the attic, where stacks of books and pillows are near an oval window that suggests this is often a refuge for her.

“Eloise Bridgerton, come and make amends with your friend,” is her stern greeting.

“Why should I?” Eloise sniffs, steadfastly refusing to turn around, staring out the small window at the grounds below. “She did the one thing - the ONE THING - I told her would make me disown her….” she adds bitterly, referencing the chat you had in Paris many weeks ago before Benedict arrived. “This was a choice she made.”

“Falling in love with your brother was not a choice, Eloise; it happened quite without me meaning to,” you implore, wanting her to believe it's true.

At that, her head whips around, surprise claiming her face. “Love?” she scoffs. “Please…” Looking to her mother for support in her derision, she frowns when she seems to find none. “Are you serious?”

“Yes…” you reply softly, taking a hesitant step forward, holding your palms open at your side—a conciliatory gesture. “I married Benedict to escape, yes, but even before then, I knew I felt something for him. That connection has only grown more profound since. We have spent a lot of time together in secret. I am truly sorry I, well, we, kept it from you. I was scared you would be angry and hurt. And you are. And you have every right to be.”

“It's true, Eloise,” Violet, standing a few paces behind you, pipes up. “I saw it the minute they arrived here. And I can tell you right now, your brother feels exactly the same.”

You want to believe Violet’s assertion about that, but you feel a tightness in your chest as she says it, worrying that it may not be accurate.

“You are my friend,” she whines almost petulantly.

“And I will always be your friend if you allow me,” you counter delicately. “No matter what happens with Benedict, and even I do not know now, you will always be dear to me and a part of my life.”

“What did that bloody idiot do now?” she inquires, sharp as a tack.

“After you left the room, I-I mentioned your mother thinks he loves me, and well, he ran out, you admit, hanging your head.

“That idiot…” she blusters, rolling her eyes.

“I'm very sorry if you see this as a betrayal. I wanted to keep it quiet because I love you so much as a friend. I truly never want or meant to hurt you….”

Eloise sighs, and you watch her shoulders slump. “You are just lucky I know some semblance of what you speak…” she offers wistfully, a glimmer of hope that has you inhaling sharply.

You know without asking that she is referring to Phillip, and you twist to smile at Violet briefly, who suddenly looks very invested.

“I hope you can find it within your heart to forgive me. I know it may take some time,” you allow. Hope creeps into the edges of your heart that you can reconcile with one Bridgerton, at least.

“It is just a shock that you kept it from me,” she sighs, finally admitting what upset her the most.

“I thought us terrible actors,” you giggle lightly, hoping humour will brighten your exchange.

A soft smile teases at the corner of her lips. “Are you suggesting I am not as sharp as I could be?” she jests gently.

“Heaven forfend!” you clutch your chest, feigning shock, then morphing into a smile you hope is an olive branch.

“I think perhaps you saw what you wanted or rather didn't want to see, daughter dearest,” Violet interjects mildly. “Because I can confirm they are both utterly terrible actors,” she chuckles.

You bite your lip and hang your head in an act of contrition that seems to amuse Eloise greatly. Her hesitant huff of humour is the best noise you could possibly hear.

“Friends?” you query tentatively, hopeful.

“Friends,” she pouts, crossing her arms. “But there is still much to make up…” she adds.

“Understood.”

With this fragile peace brokered, Violet links her arm in Eloise’s and yours, leading you both back down into the house with a declaration that tea, the ultimate British elixir, is needed.

—

Ten minutes later, you are gathered in the small glass conservatory, partaking in said refreshments. Other Bridgerton children—Colin, Francesa, and Gregory—likely drawn by the biscuit smell have also materialised. The gathering is a peaceful balm to a dramatic day. A large part of you still aches that Benedict fled, but you try to force it from your mind and concentrate on the fact that Eloise may be willing to forgive… with time.

Just as you stand to refill your teacup, however, the calm is shattered. Benedict charges into the room, flustered and breathless. He drops an envelope he is holding onto a side table and marches right up to you, stride purpose-filled, completely ignoring the rest of his family.

“There you are! I have been looking all over for you!” Relief palpable in his tone but still agitated and animated, grabbing your forearms. “Where on earth did you go?”

You splutter indignantly. “Where did I go?! Me? I think the more pertinent question is… where did you go?! You ran out of the room so fast!”

“I asked you to wait a moment,” he frowns.

“No, you didn't!” you state forthrightly.

He seems to falter, relinquishing his grip on your arms. “I… I didn't?”

“No…”

A look of doubt, then confusion, then finally understanding ripples over his face. “Oh…So you thought I… Oh…”

“Yes,” you reply quietly so the others gathered, who seem very invested now in your exchange, cannot hear. “I thought you walked out because of what I divulged.” Not wanting to go into detail with an audience.

“No! No!” he asserts candidly. “Nothing could be further from the truth!” His eyes soften as he realises what happened, looking genuinely contrite. “I am so sorry. I must’ve forgotten to say it out loud in my excitement.”

“Excitement!?” you are baffled. “You looked terrified!”

He grabs your hands this time, holding them in his, a look of earnest sincerity claiming his handsome features. “Yes, I was nervous and shocked that my mother knew and told you,” briefly glancing towards her over your shoulder. “But it spurred me to finally be brave enough to show you something. Something very important that I need your opinion on”

He lets go of your hands to grab the envelope from the table. With a nervous mien, he opens it and hands you a pile of photos. They are of an idyllic-looking country home surrounded by a pretty garden and countryside beyond. It looks so beautiful and instantly captures your imagination. For some strange reason, it already feels familiar to you.

“What do you think?” Benedict seems super nervous, shuffling his weight between his feet, apparently anxious for your answer.

“It's very pretty,” you opine neutrally, primarily confused. “I'm not sure why you are showing me, though?”

“I… I wanted to know if it was somewhere you could see yourself living?” he asks enigmatically with a small smile.

“Why?” you frown, unwilling to confess the truth - that you would live there in a heartbeat. It looks like the house you dreamed you would live in one day.

He takes a deep breath, seeming to steel himself. “Because… I would like to buy it. For you. Well, for us.”

There is no other word for it - you are floored. A loud buzzing sound is behind your ears, your knees feel oddly weak, and there is a tingle in your fingertips.

“For us?” you stutter, disbelieving.

You could hear a pin drop in the room. You can’t see them, but you know his family behind you likely have gaping mouths, especially Eloise.

“Yes, to live in. Together,” Benedict answers, that crooked smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “And if you are willing to live with me, well, then I also have another question for you…”

Your lungs feel afire, and your brain is short-circuiting—almost unable to surmount the shock. Entirely confounded as your heart pounds hard in your ribcage.

“A-A-And if I am, what is your other question?” you ask breathlessly.

You gasp as he falls to one knee before you, and you hear a collective ripple of shock behind you as he produces a little velvet box from his pocket.

“I wanted you to wait so I could also go and get this,” he explains, a slight shake in his hand as he holds it open—an engagement ring with sapphires and diamonds nestled within.

You can feel your eyes welling with tears as you gaze down upon him.

“Realising my mother knew the truth and accepted it was a wake-up call for me. I had to finally be brave and confess to you. We are already married, so some may think this pointless, but it is nothing less than you deserve: a proper, heartfelt, honest proposal.”

His free hand reaches and grabs yours, lacing your fingers together. It feels like the anchor you need to stay upright.

“Given the short time, it may seem reckless to others, but I do not care what anyone thinks but you. I know what my heart tells me, indeed, has told me from the moment we met—you are my home, my refuge, my present and my future. Y/n, I love you more than I ever thought possible. I would marry you a hundred times over, in whatever way you would have me. Please, please, will you be my wife?”

A sob escapes your lungs, and you fall to your knees with him, wanting to be at eye level.

“Yes, Benedict! A hundred times - yes!!!”

Your answer is rendered through watery tears as he breaks into a breathtaking grin and pulls you both to your feet. He gathers you into his arms and seals the pact with a lingering but chaste kiss. His eyes are misty, too, as your lips break apart and exchange smiles.

Behind you, his family erupts into whoops and applause as he pushes the ring onto your left finger, fitting snugly over your wedding band. You twist to see Eloise, a begrudging tear in her eye; a burden lightens in your heart as she nods towards you as if bestowing her tacit approval.

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disaster-theysbian · 10 months

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Gotta say, I've been out as a lesbian for 3 years and nonbinary for a year and a half. And I've noticed something.

Just because someone *always* gets your name and pronous correct, and angrily calls out anyone who forgets, doesn't necessarily mean they support you.

Conversely, just because someone struggles to remember your name and pronouns, or can't wrap their head around gender neutral/neo pronouns at all, doesn't necessarily mean they DON'T support you.

This is applicable to any situation really not just queer shit. Watch what people do, not just what they say, and you will find your friends. Someone might shower you with compliments and have common interests with you, but what happens when you tell them no? Do they get angry when they are corrected? Do they have kind things to say about other people?

My colleagues wouldn't know a gender-neutral pronoun if one hit them in the face with a dictionary, but they make sure I've had a lunch break and get home safely. They have my back if I have a difficult patient. They defend me against other staff members who like to create drama and bitch about people as if they're still in the school playground. If someone has something to say about me being a big ol' queer, they make it known that discrimination has no place in our unit.

My best friend in the whole entire world forgets my name and pronouns every day. When the organisers of her therapy group changed "men and women" to "people" and "he/she" to "they" in order to be more inclusive, there was outcry. Everything from the "it just doesn't sound right" grammar-policing nonsense to the "f*cking special snowflakes are offended by everything". She came down on them like a ton of bricks. She said if the organisers hadn't told them that it was changing, that they wouldn't have noticed. She told them they obviously haven't loved someone outside of the gender binary and they were missing out. She then told them how she had seen me grow and develop since I came out, and how in awe she was of the person I had become. No, she doesn't understand it at all, but why should that mean that she can't be there for me and appreciate how happy I am to be able to be me? Why should that mean, because you lot don't understand it, that someone with the same issues as the rest of the therapy group feels unsafe and unwelcome and doesn't get their issues resolved? As a result, a few of them changed their minds, INCLUDING HER OWN FATHER, and the rest at least shut the hell up about it.

ON THE FLIP SIDE...

A queer person who used my correct name and pronouns delighted in making me walk on eggshells, inventing reasons to be angry with me, convinced me I was a terrible person and even went as far as to try and turn me against my own therapist. They tried to tell me that my therapist only said I was a good person because she was paid to, and that because they themselves had a psychology degree that they could tell I had all these complexes and needed to work hard to be a good person, and it was unlikely I'd never get there. (I chose to listen to my therapist and stop being friends with this person).

A queer person who used my correct name and pronouns continued to do things that made me uncomfortable when I asked them to stop. Never said in as many words "you're not allowed to hang out with your friends" but conveniently had an emergency every time I had plans, and accused me of being uncaring if I needed my own space. They knew I had difficulty asking for help, but still got angry with me when I asked because I didn't ask "soon enough".

A queer person who used my correct name and pronouns told me they would look after me and they didnt. .

A queer person threatened to misgender me MORE when I corrected them.

I'm just saying, that if you choose to yeet everyone who doesn't get your name and pronouns right... that doesn't necessarily make you safe. We live in a very binary world. As much as we want that to change, it won't if we ignore or shout at the bits we don't like. (Believe me, I've tried).

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lastoneout · 6 months

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Okay, honest question, who is Yotsuba?

OH HO HO ANON I AM ALL TOO HAPPY TO EXPLAIN :3

Yotsuba is a character from the greatest manga ever made, Yotsuba&!(or Yotsuba to! it translates weird, most fans just call it Yotsuba) which is a comedy slice-of-life manga about Yotsuba Koiwai, a five year old girl, and her very strange yet wholesome family and friends!

It's from the same mangaka who gave us Azumanga Daioh, though while that manga is told in a four-panel comic style and doesn't really have much of an overarching plot, Youtsuba is done in a traditional manga style and despite also being very episodic there is a bit of a throughline surrounding Youtsuba getting settled into the neighborhood she just moved to, growing up, and eventually, in the later chapters, getting ready to go to school for the first time. Also, there are storylines that take place over multiple chapters as well! Despite the fact that the manga has been releasing since 2003, the chapters are pretty sporadic and the comic has only really covered about one year of the character's lives, but it never really feels slow or aimless. It feels almost...timeless? I guess. It's really nice.

Anyway, the manga is legit one of the most wholesome, funny, heartwarming things I have ever read. Kiyohiko Azuma is a fucking MASTER of comedy(you may have seen screencaps from a Sailor Moon fan comic he made going around on tumblr in which Jupiter accidentally sends Venus shooting across a pool that made me laugh so hard I cried) and he balances it well with lots of slow moments with GORGEOUS artwork where you can really take in the scenery and all of it is seeped in a wonderful nostalgia for childhood that legit makes me super emotional.

I don't think the manga has ever really taken off in terms of popularity, at least not to the degree that it deserves imo, which is likely in part due to the creator being firm about it never getting an anime adaptation and the sporadic release schedule, but it's far from unknown. There's been an official(I think??) score released and plenty of figurines and merch. It's also birthed a lot of memes, and it def has the same issue as One Piece where if you read it and love it you will turn into a walking billboard and try to drag your friends and family in with you. It's just THAT good!

You may have seen art of or people cosplaying Danbo, a "robot" made of old cardboard boxes that Yotsuba adores (Totally a real robot btw, def doesn't have a middle schooler shoved inside there, that would be silly wdym /s)

And this pose from the back of one of the manga volumes featuring Yotsuba, her father, and their extremely tall friend Jumbo has been redrawn with other characters like 500000 billion times

And you've also probably seen this going around tumblr before (that's Fūka she's my favorite cringe fail daughter I would literally die for her).

Also, I would be doing a disservice if I didn't mention Yanda, who is a friend of Yotsuba's dad and also Yotsuba's nemesis. He's a loser who constantly gets dunked on by a toddler it's fucking hilarious.

But yeah it really is just like, a manga that feels like a hug, or a warm blanket or something, it's so comforting and funny and fantastic, I find myself re-reading it any time life gets to be too hard just bcs it's that good at distracting me and reminding me that live is worth living.

And also given that it's literally my favorite manga, I saved up a bunch of screencaps to use as reaction images after a read one time, and thus now it's my own little joke that if you send me anon hate I'm just gonna send you back a picture of this cutie

Bcs come on how can you be angry when you're looking at this???

Anyway here's some screencaps of the main supporting cast bcs I love all of them so much <3

YOU WILL READ YOTSUBA I AM NO LONGER ASKING

#Ask #Anonymous #long post #sorry anon you hit the yotsuba button #I am legally obligated to gush about it #yotsuba #yotsuba&!

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livyjh · 1 year

Note

Helloooo don't know if you take submissions but I saw in one of your fics you mentioned the use of a safe word with Joel Miller (was it you? Might've been someone else) and it got me thinking what if reader needed to use it? Maybe Joel's a bit too rough, maybe he accidentally says or does something that triggers reader and they need looked after? They just need Joel's presence to sooth them because whatever else Joel may be, he's ultimately a care taker. Soz I'm a big sucker for aftercare.

Hi, anon! 🥰 It was not me that wrote a safe word fic but I do think I know which one you’re talking about. Tho I’m sure there’s more than one with a safe word. Anywaaaays I wrote this, focusing on aftercare. ❤️ Joel is honestly just a big teddy bear at the end of the day.

Aftercare

Joel Miller x Reader

Rating: EXPLICIT 18+

Word count: ~740

Summary: Joel comes home angry one day and gets carried away, making you need to use your safe word because he got too rough.

A/N: Also I don’t know if the safe word I chose was the same as the other fic. I apologize if it was! Not trying to copy but I can’t find the original fic I read to double check.

Warnings: dub!con penetration (kinda?), use of a safe word to make things stop, rough sex, no prep or lube, choking, derogative terms used towards reader. (Let me know if I missed something)

Joel Miller Masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Joel had a shitty day.

So here you were, sucking his cock to try and help him feel better. It was the first of many things you were going to try to please him.

When he’s in a mood he likes to get rough with you. And you don’t mind it, most times. That’s why you have a safe word. So you can stop him whenever you’re not feeling it instead of having to shyly explain to him why you’d like to stop.

He’s sat on the edge of the bed, naked, with you, also naked, on your knees on the floor in front of him. Both his hands are fisted in your hair, pulling and pushing your head up and down on his dick.

Your hands are braced on his upper thighs and you can feel tears in your eyes with the way you keep choking on his thick cock.

He pulls your head off and drags you up by your hair to get on top of him, straddling his lap. It hurt but it also made you that much wetter.

“Look so good chokin’ on me. My little slut.” He lines himself up and pulls you down by the shoulders to slam down onto his member.

It was pretty painful, him going in without any prep or even extra lube besides what your body had produced. But he got home all of ten minutes ago and you weren’t quite all the way warmed up yet.

“Jesus, Joel-“ you gasped in pain and pleasure, fingertips digging into his shoulders so you could ground yourself.

“Uh-uh.” He reaches up and grabs you by the throat. “Who am I?”

“S- sir. Sorry, sir.” You squeak out, his cock slowly dragging out of you just to quickly thrust back in. “Fuck!” Your nails start to dig into his skin.

“Bet you love me takin’ you like this, huh, baby?” His dick twitches before he starts slamming up into you with what felt like all the force he could muster.

You can only manage a small whine in response.

He grabs you roughly by the jaw, fingertips poking your cheeks, making you look at him. “Answer me, fucking whore.”

“Te-“ you start, having a hard time forming words with the way he’s fucking you. “Texas-!” You choke out.

Joel stops immediately and pulls you up so that his cock falls out of you. He sits you back down in his lap comfortably before both his hands move to hold your face gently. “Honey? I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I got carried away.” He shakes his head.

“It’s ok-“ you start.

“No. S’not okay.” He shakes his head once more. You sniffle, tears threatening to force their way out. He kisses you softly, so fucking softly.

“Come on.” He reaches down to the backs of your thighs to support you as he stands up and walks around to the side of the bed to lay you down and crawl under the covers with you.

You squeeze your eyes shut and a tear rolls down your cheek. You and Joel are facing each other, he leans in to kiss the tear from your face.

His arm is wrapped around your waist, thumb moving gently back and forth over your rib cage. “Baby, I’m sorry.” He kisses your other cheek now.

You sniff again and wipe at your eyes. “I forgive you.”

“You don’t have to.” He reasons.

“I know.” You give a weak smile.

“What was it? Just so I know not to do it next time.” He raises a brow.

You swallow thickly. “I don’t… it wasn’t anything specific. It all just felt like too much today. Maybe another time-“

“No, no. I gotta treat you better, sweet girl.” He kisses your lips softly. “You tell me when you want me to get rougher. From now on. If that’s okay with you.”

You smile wide now, kissing him again, deeper this time. “Yes, that’s okay with me.” You hum softly.

“Alright.” He takes a breath. “Now, darlin’, do you just want me here with you, or can I get up and make you some food after drawin’ you a bath?”

“I just want to be here with you right now.” You blink your soft eyes at him. “We can do all that later.”

He smiles at you and kisses your lips again before pulling you into his chest, resting his chin on top of your head. “Alright.”

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photogirl894 · 26 days

Note

Hello my beautiful, kind friend! Congratulations on 1,300 INSANE! 🤩 🎉

Please may I request some Hunter fluff with a female reader with the prompt:

“A life without you isn’t one I want to live.”

Perhaps Hunter accidentally confesses his true feelings to reader & then follows up with that cute line? Up to you if you’d want to do of course but I feel like you’d love to write for your Clone Hubby! Love you so much 🥰🩵

Thank you so much, Alanah!! Your friendship and support all these years has meant the world to me! 💜

Ohhhh you are far too kind with this request, my dear! 🥰🥰

**Putting a spoiler warning in case, but spoilers for Bad Batch s3 ep7**

"Chasing Waterfalls"

4. "A life without you isn't one I want to live."

Pairing: Hunter x fem reader

***

The escape from the Empire on Teth hadn't been easy for you and all the Clones, but you'd all managed to get away nonetheless. It definitely hadn't been without its challenges.

Not only had the Empire managed to find everyone there and blow up the Clones' secret base, but they'd tracked you through the jungle and there had been an assassin on your trail. You had told everyone that you and Crosshair would draw his fire while everyone got to the rendezvous point to meet with Echo and you both pursued the assassin. However, he had attacked the both of you and, to protect Crosshair, you had tackled the assailant over a cliff's edge into a swiftly flowing river, which connected to a series of large waterfalls. You'd gone over one and fell into a rocky landing where the assassin tried going for you again. With a vibroblade drawn, he'd attacked you, but luckily, Hunter had trained you not only in hand-to-hand combat, but with a blade, as well. How to use it and how to fight against an opponent with one. You'd held your own, but only barely. The assassin was strong and highly-trained. Eventually, he'd forced your head under the water and you found your breath being driven quickly from your body. Lucky for you, Crosshair had caught up with you and stunned the assassin, which made him fall into the river and be taken with the next waterfall. Crosshair and also Howzer had been quick to grab you before you could fall over, as well, and saved your life. Hunter soon followed and you could tell, even with his helmet on, that he was worried about you. You figured you falling over the cliff had frightened him and he was trying to reassure himself that you were okay.

After that, you had been stopped at the rendezvous point by a battalion of Clones, but Rex knew their Commander; Commander Wolffe, and he had been willing to let you all go. Once all of you boarded Echo's ship, you were safe for the time being.

The entire ride back to Pabu, Hunter said nothing to you, which was very unlike him. The two of you were very close and talked all the time. He knew you better than you even knew yourself and the same could be said for you about him. What was wrong? Was he worried about Omega, since the Empire had nearly caught them? Was he reconsidering their options?

Or...was he angry at you for what you had done?

It wasn't until you got to Pabu that finally you decided to break the longstanding silence between you two.

While the others returned to the Marauder, you pulled Hunter aside by the big tree on the collanade. "Hunter...what's wrong? You didn't talk to me the whole trek back. That's not like you."

He turned away, his brow furrowed with conflicted emotions. You could tell he wanted to say something, but was fighting against it.

"If you're mad at me for what I did on Teth, I'm sorry. I was just trying to--"

"Don't ever do that again."

He had interrupted you so abruptly that it almost made you choke on the remainder of your words.

Then he looked back at you, his brown eyes radiating with pain, but not of physical nature. He kept going, his voice firm yet nearly shaking, "Do you have any idea what it did to me to see you disappear over the cliff and the waterfall like that? Do you know how terrified I was thinking that you had been killed and that I'd lost you forever?"

"Hunter...."

His hands came up to your arms, clutching you tightly. "I never want you to do anything like that again! Do you hear me? I can't lose you, (Y/N)! You mean everything to me and I care too much for you to even dare imagine my days without you!"

You blinked in surprise. This wasn't anything you were expecting to hear from him. While you had suspected for some time that he harbored feelings for you, just as you did for him, you hadn't expected him to say anything like this nor did you think his feelings ran that deep.

As you struggled to find the words to respond, he lifted his hands to your face and brought his forehead to yours, his eyes squeezing shut to try and hold himself together. "A life without you isn't one I want to live," he then said to you, now a more present trembling in his voice.

The fear in his words was unmistakable and it made you realize how reckless your actions on Teth had been. Not only just in regards to your own life, but to the lives of your squad; to Hunter's life. You had been thinking of their safety, but hadn't considered how your possible demise would affect them, especially Hunter. It was never your intention to frighten him and hearing how scared he sounded broke your heart. It had apparently scared him so much that it caused him to confess to you, which you hadn't anticipated.

You reached up and took one of his hands on your cheek, leaning into his gentle touch. "I'm so sorry," you whispered. "I...I never meant to scare you like that. I was only thinking of keeping you and the others safe."

"You can keep us safe, but please...not at the cost of your life," he replied. "I would never survive if you were no longer at my side. I need you. I...I love you."

As soon as those three words left his mouth, his hands grasped the back of your head and his lips came upon yours, kissing you softly but with evident yearning. Your heart soared within you as you kissed him in return, knowing now that your life was no longer your own to trifle with.

Your life was his and his life was yours...and neither of you would ever live without the other.

Photogirl894's Fluff/Romance prompts

Photogirl894's 1,3000 Celebration fics

#star wars the bad batch #the bad batch #bad batch hunter #sergeant hunter #my sergeant #bad batch prompts #hunter x reader #photogirl894 1300 followers

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iouinotes · 3 months

Text

Heroic Betrayal | Luke Castellan (part 1)

SPOILER FOR THE PERCY JACKSON AND THE OLYMPIANS SERIES AND THE BOOKS

pairing: Luke Castellan x female!reader

show: Percy Jackson and the Olympians

warnings: dark!character, betrayal, implied sexual content, heavy angst, kidnapping

word count: 5,8k

summary: When Luke switches to the dark side, he tries everything possible to win you for him.

a/n: so as the show comes to an end (dont cry dont cry dont cry), I thought I would finally post this :)))

read part 2 here

"I'll find you!" his voice echoes through the forest, my laughter much louder than I intend to. But that´s just how it always goes. It's our own little tradition.

Every year when the camp starts again and we meet after the holidays passed, we play hide and seek in the dangerous forest of the half-blood camp. The creatures usually don't come across our path, in recent years it has rarely happened, that we actually had to defend ourselves against them.

Once it was an angry dryad, who threw branches at me (she had a crush on Luke and wanted revenge, but since I could understand her feelings and felt sad for her, we sorted it out).

Another time we were spotted by some camp members, who made fun of us, but Luke must have said something to them later, because we haven't been bothered by these troublemakers since.

It is always the same pattern, but each time there is still something special about it. We have grown, became more mature (I think), and have more and more experience about the struggles in life.

So being able to just let go for a few moments and being completely alone with him is probably the best thing to keep myself sane (even if he drives me a little bit crazy with the love I hold for him).

But a lot has changed recently.

It all started when rumors spread, that Zeus' lightning bolt had been stolen by Poseidon's son. And then the most supportive, bravest, sassy kid in the world showed up here. Percy Jackson. Ever since I met him, even though it's not his fault, there's been war going on. The gods are angry, the monster attacks became worse and again, rumors about the oldest, most powerful titan Kronos reached the camp.

It scared and frightened many people, including me. That's why we've been training harder and stay awake, even when the stars are shining, so that we can prepare for any catastrophe. To be able to fight.

My mother is the goddess Demeter, my father a simple man. I adore them both, even though my mother isn't one of my closest contacts. But I never really held that against her, because at least she decided to acknowledge me as her daughter. After all, it's a privilege that not everyone gets. My siblings and friends at camp are important to me, but the world is changing and so is everything around it.

The only stability I have left is my boyfriend Luke.

If I had to rely on one person in the whole world (and by that I also mean the underworld), it would be him.

He's been my best friend since I arrived at this camp. We've been together through ups and downs, I know every side of him and he knows everything about me too. Many of the people here are like blank pages to me, but not him. He is like my favorite book, that lays open to me and allows me to read each letter individually. Just as I know every of his dreams, every secret, every truth and every lie. He is my protector, my hero in every dark night and every bright day. Without him, I don't even know who I am. He is a part of me and my heart wouldn't be whole without him.

I watched him grow up. From the small, thin boy whose eyes hid so much pain and sadness to the strong, soulful leader he is today.

His beauty cannot be influenced by anything, he is like my very own sun, without him I could not survive.

I wouldn't want it any other way though.

Now, I'm hiding behind a tree with my back pressed against the bark and I am able to hear the cracking and swinging of the branches.

I smile so wide, that my cheeks start to hurt, when I hear his voice calling. My heart is beating in my throat, but it's not just the adrenaline of not getting caught. It's because of my love for him, which is so strong that sometimes I'm afraid of it. But only in the moments when I realize that nothing, but him is my biggest flaw. I think I would do anything for him.

Then I concentrate again and listen to the sounds around me. But his voice has fallen silent and I don't hear his footsteps anymore.

My eyebrows furrow, confused I try to look around the tree and search for an orange t-shirt. Likely together with his slim body, biceps, beautiful face and wonderful personality.

But when I want to withdraw again, it's already too late. A branch breaks behind me and before I can move I'm pushed against the tree from behind.

I immediately feel his body against mine, hear the laughter in his voice and listen to his strained breathing. His hands wrap around my body and turn me towards him, so that we are now face to face.

He's taller than me and as I look up, I feel the familiar fluttering feeling in my chest. I am so in love with him.

He grins triumphantly at me and I lean against the tree, smiling kindly.

"Found you, princess." The light reflects in his brown eyes and some of his curls are laying wildly on his head. He looks like an angel.

"I made it easy for you." My voice teases him and when he leans in so close to me, that our lips almost touch, I forget how to think properly. A habit I can't change. He's just so captivating.

"Yeah? You think I wouldn't have found you otherwise? Funny. I remember that in the last few years, I always was the winner of our little game." His lips brush mine, I want nothing more than to kiss him. But he knows that, which is why he slowly pulls back, when I start to lean forward.

When I want to complain, he puts his hand around my waist and pulls me into his chest. My knees almost give out, I feel so intoxicated by his presence.

"I-I wanted you to find me." My voice whispers quietly.

His eyebrows rise in mock surprise.

"Then I guess, I can claim my prize without feeling bad." In the next second, his lips are on mine and I'm unable to do anything, other than kissing him back. I wrap my arms around his neck and enjoy the warmth that radiates from him. He sets my heart on fire.

While pushing me against the tree, I've completely forgotten about, he lets his hands wrap possessively around my waist. Digging his nails into my hips, to keep me grounded. Otherwise, I would probably get lost in those sensations.

Luke kisses in a way, like it's the last time he'll have the chance. (As if I would ever want to keep him from doing that).

He's passionate, my body feels like it's on fire and the heat inside me feels so good, that I want more. I can never get enough of him and he knows it. He grins against my lips, but he doesn't break the kiss. I think he secretely loves knowing how much he can mess with me, with just a few kisses.

My hands find his hair and pull him closer to me, our chests touch and his breathing mingles with mine.

It is wonderful and so precious, I would refuse any gift from the gods just to be close to him.

When he pulls away from me, our bodies are still close. My eyes open and look dreamily into his, our gazes reflect a familiarity and love that is like nothing I have ever experienced.

He smiles at me, pushes a stray strand of hair behind my ear and leans himself against me. His fingers stroke the exposed skin of my pulled-up shirt.

"I've missed you." If my heart hasn't melted before, it has now. I give him a kiss on the cheek and hug him, we stand in our embrace for a moment. Enjoying each other's closeness, the calm feeling until the next chaotic situation happens.

"Now we are together again. Only that matters." It's quiet around us and when I close my eyes for the second time, I hear his fast heartbeat. I have to supress a smile.

The wind is the only thing I hear until his voice breaks the silence.

"Something will happen soon. Something big." The peaceful atmosphere is threatened by his words and when I look at his face again, I see his worried eyes.

I sigh, but then nod to agree with him. "I thought about that too, it feels different. Like something is coming our way, that we can't control."

His fingers stroke my cheek and for a moment, his face holds an expression, that I can't understand. It resembles regret.

But before I can ask him about it, he smiles tenderly at me again.

"Nothing will separate us. The world is just a game. It's a matter of time and making the right moves." That is his motto. But I'm not always convinced of this. Even though I trust him to do the right thing.

"I'm just worried we'll get seperated, you know? Evil can be sneaky and traitors always exist. You never know who you can trust." Something I said must have really bothered him, because he looks like I just stabbed him.

This time I ask him about it.

"What's on your mind? You can tell me. Two people who worry about something are better, than one who is alone with it." I take his hand and stroke his skin, it feels cold even though we have summer.

"Nothing, just- I don't want to lose you. I couldn't be here without you. I need you. I mean...I-I love you. You know that I would do anything to keep us together, right?"

His words surprise me. I know he loves me. I can sense that, everyone probably does. But he has never worn his heart on his sleeve and the three magical words only come out of his mouth on special occasions. The fact that he's telling me now surprises me.

"Of course. I trust you. We will survive together, I know that. Are you worried because of the rumors about the Titan King?" This topic is always very critical and he usually doesn't like to talk about it, but this time I decide to address it directly.

"He will come. I just want you to be safe, when it happens." He sounds so confident it gives me goosebumps.

"Perhaps. His followers will definitely try. But love is stronger than anything else. Especially our love. We will get through it." He doesn't look convinced, so I turn his face towards mine and kiss him.

My voice sounds soft, when I speak again.

"Luke, I love you. I could never leave you. Not even the King of the Underworld will be able to keep us apart. I promised to be by your side in every moment of our lives. You are my soul and without it I am damned."

This seems to reassure him, but I feel like he's not telling me something of great importance. But I don't want to push him, I know he will tell me when the time comes.

He always does.

⚔️⚔️⚔️⚔️

As the day comes to an end, I say goodnight to my siblings and report for my night watch duty. The situation has been a lot more worse the recent weeks. Kronos exists, my worst fear was confirmed. And he is building an army, that is so strong that it will be difficult to fight against it. But what I'm really worried about are the rumors about our people, who have also joined his cause.

Nobody knows who, the spies have been hiding ever since. I've never felt like I was paying more attention to my words than I am now. The only person I don't have to hold back to is Luke.

But even with him I notice the effects of the bad news. The circles under his eyes are darker than ever and his nerves are so frayed, that every little thing makes him want to explode. His temper is hanging by a thread, that is increasingly threatening to break. And I'm trying everything to prevent this.

No matter if I try it by making him laugh (which has become difficult), massaging his tense shoulders, trying to kiss him to the point of forgetfulness (usually it's the other way around) or when he takes out his frustration by burying himself deep inside me. With every thrust of his hips, I feel him relax, his hand so tight around my body as if I would run away, if he didn't hold me close enough.

He's changing and I'm trying my best to maintain his good sides. That he doesn't completely lose himself in his responsibilities and the pressure, that he has, because he is a member of the camp council.

Besides, I can't complain, when he fucks me until I can't breathe aynmore and I block out everything around me. When he comes, he whispers the sweetest things in my ear. Even if sometimes they sound so protective, that I could almost come from his voice alone.

When he whispers to me how good I am for him or how much he loves being able to have such a power over me like that - maybe it should scare me, but I trust him like no one else.

My mind concentrated his best for my shift, but when I finally go to bed after quiet some time, my eyes quickly close.

Looking back, I wish I had never let myself sleep that night.

Because, when I close my eyes I see waves. Hear the seagulls screaming in the sky, the fish swimming in the water and the distant cries of strangers.

It's all unusual and the bright light would blind me, if I didn't avert my gaze. And as soon as I do it, I see a ship. It's huge, rust shimmers in the sunrays, the anchor shows that it's been in the same place for a while now.

I feel something pulling me towards it, pushing and burning in my chest, leaving me with a tremor that I can feel, even in my deep sleep.

As I flit through the window like a ghost, I feel paralyzed. My blood freezes, I want to disappear immediately and in my mind I scream at myself to wake up.

But it's no use, whatever is here, someone decided that I have to see it. Only then, my wish will be fulfilled and I can wake up. So, I hide in a corner, there are scratched picture frames above me and broken glass is scattered on the floor. The monsters that loudly crush the glass ahead of me seem unstoppable.

I tremble as I look at at least seven dracaenae, several shaggy hellhounds and set my eyes on gigantes, that take up almost the entire room.

But that is nothing compared to the terror, that grips me when I see my classmates. My friends. People I trusted, who I fought alongside, for who I cared about. People I would have sacrificed myself for. They all betrayed me. And I feel close to tears. When I want to turn away, I hear a voice that almost brings me to my knees.

It's Luke.

My faithful and caring protector, my heroic love. Someone, to which I had dedicated everything. He was my life, with every single breath I took. The motivation behind my every action. The reason I wanted to survive in this cruel world. He was everything I had and everything I will ever have and in that moment it was abruptly taken from me.

I didn't have the strength to concentrate, it was as if every fiber of my body was on fire, triggered by the torment of my suffering heart. Seeing him like that, in black armor, Kronos' silver mark glittering around his neck, instead of his colorful necklace. A stoic, hostile expression on his face, his hands gripping his sword, it all hurt too much to watch.

And as I sank to the floor and covered my eyes with my hands, I was still forced to listen. I couldn't understand why he was saying such things.

"With every day he becomes stronger, with every participation in our army, we become stronger. Everything is planned, the camp is weak. Just like all of its residents. The surprise is on our side, because we will show no mercy. We will kill anyone, who does not confess to us. Do you hear me? No hostages will be taken. Only Hades population will be expanded."

The screams around me are so loud, so angry and horrific that I feel tears running down my cheeks.

I don't want to see any of that. The person infront of me is not my Luke.

A kind of fog creeps around me and I feel cold, it seems too late to forget it now. When I notice the golden coffin and Lukes hunched posture, the scar on the side of his face, I realize he is praying to him.

To the fall of Olympus. Kronos.

I want to cry, to scream, to be angry - but I just feel like every part of my heart is breaking and will never be whole again. Luke will never again be the one to heal it.

My consciousness leaves the ship until I finally wake up, but I can't move at first. I feel lost, my muscles are stiff and after a few seconds I notice that I'm shaking. But it's not because I'm cold, the summer air is wafting in the air.

Such dreams are rare, but are like the own scary predictions of the future.

And then it comes all back so me, the memories, that have just turned my whole life upside down. Traitor. The word appears in my mind, I feel like I almost can't breathe. And then there is a finger on my cheek, gently stroking the skin and my chest immediately becomes warm.

I know this gesture.

When I open my eyes, I see his loving eyes and the smile that covers his mouth makes my heart clench in sorrow.

It was just a nightmare. Luke would never betray me.

But the whispers in my head say otherwise.

As we continue to look at each other in silent, I notice his furrowed eyebrows.

"What's wrong, my love? Did you have a nightmare? You look scared. Don't be afraid, I'm here. I will always protect you." His voice is so calm, so usual loving and it makes the butterflies in my stomach fly around like crazy.

He is so beautiful.

As he briefly turns his head to tighten the blanket around me, I see his side profile and the scar. Reminders of my dream crash onto me like a lightning strike from Zeus himself.

I sat up abruptly. Luke is a servant of our enemy. How could I ignore that? I feel like I'm almost starting to hyperventilate. The thought, this nightmare, Luke's appearance, this evil feeling - it makes me sick. And I'm suddenly so afraid, more than I have ever been in my life. But I can't tell if it's the fact that I just found out he joined Cronos' army or that he broke my heart doing so.

I see him tense, my panic seems to be affecting him too.

My thoughts are so confusing, I don't know what to do, I have to tell someone. I have to-

His hands find their way to my cheeks, cupping them gently to direct his gaze towards himself. I would have preferred not to look at him, but I have no choice. His eyes search mine.

Then, as if the weight of Atlas punishment was put on his shoulders, he lowers them. His lips tremble slightly and his eyes look at me, as if I am the most valuable thing in the world and he is about to lose it.

"You know it." He doesn't have to say what he means by that. We both know.

I want to break away from him, but he won't let me. He's always been much stronger.

But everything still feels so different, light surrounds us and I can't really feel my body.

"Listen to me, please. I can explain it. Please-" The world goes silent, before he can finish his sentence.

It is too much.

I stifle a scream. I want to jump out of bed, but his hands hold me close. I only manage to fall to the ground, breathing heavily, but his arms are much stronger and I'm still weakened by my dream. He trys to hold me in a position, so that his back hugs me. His hands grab mine and one of them covers my mouth to silence me, when I want to scream for help.

With any other person, I would have known what to do. With anyone but him, I could have defended myself without any problems. But it wasn't just anyone and what he had done to me, the betrayal he had committed, was nothing I could handle.

I tried to wriggle out of his grip, to kick him, but the more I cried and the more hysterical I became, the easier it was for him to have control over me.

And for the first time, it scared me.

"Please calm down, I have to explain it to you- you have to know, that I never wanted to deceive you, please-" I notice how his voice is failing and he has to pull himself together, to not to lose his composure.

When I shake his hand away and want to yell again, he grabs my neck with such a warning force, that no sound escapes me.

I tremble in his hold. Tears stream down my cheeks and I literally feel my heart breaking.

Then he starts whispering in my ear and his grip feels like a tragic prison.

"Nobody can know. I never wanted you to find out. Not until I convinced you, that it is the right thing to join him. Because he will win, sweetheart. I want us to win by his side." His voice sounds so confident and at the same time, as if he was a completely different person.

Tears continue running down my face and he slightly let's go of me, so he can comfort me.

"If you would just listen to me, you will understand my actions. Please, just listen to me-" but the world blurs infront of my eyes and I am only able to whisper three words, before darkness surrounds me.

"You betrayed me."

⚔️⚔️⚔️⚔️

When I wake up, my head hurts so much, that it takes me several minutes to open my eyes. When I finally do it, I almost have a heart attack.

I recognize the similarity of this room from my dream. When I stand up, I run to the round window and look out, being only able to see the blue sea. Feeling empty and alone.

When I want to step out the door, I expect it to be locked. But instead the handle turns and I step out of the room. I'm so surprised about that, that I'm acting without thinking twice.

As I walk around the next corner, the deck creaks and I see an ugly creature in front of me, that makes every instinct to escape kick in.

I run in the other direction, but every turn makes me more desperate and, without any consideration, I run into the hall, I was so afraid of.

It is filled with all kinds of ciders, and I also see the figures of my classmates, wounded and unhappy.

It's all so overwhelming, that I dont even see him standing on the podium, in the first place.

But as the monsters try to grab me, his voice echoes through the room with an affable authority.

"Nobody touches her. You hear me? Nobody. She is under my protection." I almost freeze into a stature, as he comes towards me and I have no way of avoiding him. No weapon is within my reach, his eyes notice my growing panic.

"Everyone leaves the room. Now." Nobody discusses it, even if some roll their eyes or quietly protest. His authority is unquestioned, it sends a cold shiver down my spine.

When the last doors slam shut, we stand a few meters opposite each other.

"The doors are guarded." It's the first thing he says.

When he tries to approach me, I lose my nerves and run to the corner with the broken glass, that I saw in my dream. I take them in my hands.

I see his eyes widen and he stops in his tracks.

"You- you want to fight me?" He actually sounds surprised and sad. Like I was the one who betrayed him and not the other way around.

"Don't come any closer. I may not have been able to do anything last time, but if you take one step closer then-" I don't know what to say. In no scenario did I ever think, I would have to threaten him.

But despite my warning, he comes towards me with his hands raised, the panic within me so palpable, that I can feel every muscle in my body.

I dodge, when he is only a few meters in front of me. Right into the next corner. As far away from him as possible.

"Princess, you can't keep me away forever. I've always loved that about you. You need me as much as you need to breathe."

It's supposed to sound sweet, but his words make me feel sick

"I'd rather suffocate." He didn't expect that. My words hit him so unexpectedly that he is almost speechless. Almost.

"I won't hurt you. You just have to let me get to you and I'll show you everything. You will understand, believe me." He really thinks, I'll just stay by his side and let him explain.

"Are you crazy? You're a traitor, Luke. You- you betrayed everyone. You betrayed me. How could you do this?" I suppress my tears, because that's exactly what he's waiting for. That my defense becomes weaker. I can't allow this.

"You dont understand. I always told you I would protect you. And I can only do that, if I'm on the winning side. And I am now. We are." His eyes flash with a craziness that makes me tremble. I don't recognize him.

"Why are you acting this way? You are doing the wrong thing - you give up everything. You're giving up on us." Tears leave my eyes and I see him take a few steps in my direction.

"I'm doing the right thing for us. You'll see. You just have to trust me, please. You know I always win. With the power he gives me, I will be invincible. You don't have to worry about one of us dying in this war anymore." I can't move, even if I wanted to, I wouldn't have a way out now. He's too close.

"You are wrong. I would rather die in this war than join this monster and his deceitful army." The shards in my hand hurt, but I don't let them go. They're the only thing I can use to defend myself.

"You would leave me?" His eyes are staring into my soul.

"Would you fight me?" Every word is more intimidating.

"Would you stop loving me?" His words are like his own shards, leaving deep wounds in my heart.

He's standing right in front of me now, looking at me like I'm fragile.

Then he whispers "Would you kill me?"

In the next second, he suddenly has my hands in his, making me drop the glass. Be is only a few centimeters away from me now, his eyes are looking into my own.

"Would you, princess? Then show me." Suddenly he does something, I would have never expected. He takes out his sword and puts it in my hands.

His own hands go behind his back, his eyes tempting me. I feel all the blood in my body drain.

"Do it. I can't live in a world, where you don't love me anymore. In which you are no longer by my side. I am yours. That will never change, just like my love for you."

I can barely hold the sword, it's so wobbly in my hands. He stands in front of me and gives me every chance to defeat him. But I can't move.

It's quiet for a moment, then I see new hope in his eyes and when he speaks again, the tone of his voice melts my heart.

"What did you say a few months ago, you would always let me win? Let's win together this time. Please, just listen to me." His hand strokes my cheek. Wipes away the tears.

Then he drops his hand and grasps his sword, letting it fall to the ground.

He takes my hand instead.

"Follow me." He pulls me behind him, closer and closer to the golden coffin, it's like I'm in a trance, but when I finally feel the cold aura of something cruel, I'm able to think clearly again.

"No-" I don't want to be one step closer to this thing.

He turns around so quickly, that I can only slap his cheek, before he grabs me again.

"That was for kidnapping me. Let me go now!" I want to avoid his grasp. But again he does something I don't expect.

He holds me still, catches my gaze and then, kisses me so gently that the feeling alone makes me almost completely defenseless. His hands cup my cheeks, grip my hair, hold my body.

This is probably his worst trick. I've never been able to resist one of his kisses. And he knows that. He uses it against me.

Then he murmurs words against my lips, that barely reach my ears.

My heart is pounding in my throat.

"You feel this? We belong together. It is not written anywhere on which side we need to be. As long as we are together." His fingers stroke my lower lip, his figure towers over me and for a moment my surroundings fade. It's almost like always.

But he's not wearing his orange t-shirt, his expression isn't relaxed, and I don't hear any insults from the camp members in the distance.

"You're manipulating me." I am powerless against him. I thought we were on the same team, that no one had more power over the other one. But I was so wrong.

His eyebrows furrow again, and when his hands try to pull me against him, I hit his chest, without thinking, with the only piece of glass I hid in my pocket. But unlike I expected, nothing happens. The shard bounces off his skin and falls loudly to the ground. I can only stare at him in disbelief.

"How-" He just looks at me worried, no anger is visible in his eyes.

"You can't hurt me. I have the curse of Achilles upon me." I suddenly become aware of the effect the lake Styx in the underworld hast and I almost fall to the ground at the realization, my knees weaken.

"That was a test earlier. You wanted to see if I would kill you-" my voice fails.

He just looks at me sadly and smiles in regret. My heart becomes heavy.

"And I knew you wouldn't hurt me on purpose. You would never hurt someone you love. Not if you'd kill me in the process." What can I do? He knows me better than anyone, he can see right through my every thought.

"I can't do this, Luke. I-I can't be together with you, if you are like this." I'm serious, but he doesn't believe me.

"That's what you think, but it's a lie. The sooner you admit it to yourself, the more pain you avoid. Our souls are linked together, without me you are not able to live. I know, that you will continue to love me, no matter what I decide to do. That's how much you love me. You would rather die than not loving me."

I can't listen to him. I can't.

But his eyes are like all the promises in the world. He is my world. How could I ever forget that?

"Please come back with me, Luke. I-I won't tell anyone, but please. Let's go, let's forget everything, please-" I cant deal with this anymore. It's like he's draining all the energy out of me. More with every word, that leaves his lips.

"I can not do that. It will stay the way it is now. Don't fight against me, fight with me. You are so smart and loyal, you will be convinced. He will show you." His eyes now flash with something that frightens me. I see his hunger for power, something that has always been dormant within him.

"Luke, the only thing I ever really wanted was you. No power, no war, no prosperity. Only you. But I'm about to lose you. Don´t do this to me, I beg you." My hands find his face, stroke the skin and I look into his eyes. But they are no longer the same ones I fell in love with.

I never thought he would love having power more than he loves me. It breaks my heart.

"I have decided. Nothing will change about that. Not even your pleadings. I'm sorry." His eyes reflect my desperation.

"What's holding you back? All you need is me." He says it so confident, that I almost wonder, why I don´t agree with him.

But my conscience has always been my greatest strength.

"I won't betray them. I couldn't live with myself, if I did." He takes a step back.

"But you could live without me? You would rather be by Jackson's side than mine?" His words hurt me. But he speaks the truth.

"I love you Luke, more than I ever thought was possible. But just as you put power before me, I put loyalty first. And I'm not sorry about that."

Frustration finally seeps through his perfect facade. I wonder how long he's been playing with me. The thought of it makes everything inside me tighten.

"I am not letting you go. Our fate is set. You will recognize it too and when that happens, you will be on my side."

His conviction frightens me, but this time it doesn't freeze me into a statue. Now, I'm running away.

And luckely, he didn't expect that.

For a few minutes now I've noticed one of the windows, that doesn't look very stable. I just have to jump against it to open it.

"NO!" Luke's voice echoes across the room, loud and warning, but it doesn't stop me. Before he can catch up with me, I jump towards the window, my shoulder hurts, but I was right, it breaks.

But I didn't think about the height difference and I realize it might be too late to do something about it now.

As I try to hold on to the wall outside, two thoughts repeat in my mind.

Either I die or I'm trapped.

Then I hear Luke's voice. He sounds desperate and at the same time angry, like I have never heard him before.

The wall is slippery and it takes every bit of strength in me not to fall, I know it would be my death. I hold on to the broken wall.

"She is outside. Get her back, NOW!" My muscles hurt and I don't know what to do. Then I hear the loud beating of wings. Before I can see who it is, I hear Percy's quiet voice. I feel like crying.

"Drop down, I've got you." I have to trust him. So, I let myself fall without thinking.

Then I feel myself landing on something soft, I hold on to it and my knuckles turn white.

The screams and shouts of the monsters make me tremble, I just want to get out of here. Even if it means, that I perhaps will never see Luke again.

"Come on, now. They'll be here soon." As the wings of the Pegasus move towards the sky, towards freedom, I let the tears fall. The wind is beating around my ears and I can only see in the corner of my eyes that we are getting closer to the clouds.

Luke's threatening voice is the last thing I remember as I close my eyes from the grief of leaving him.

#percy jackon and the olympians #luke castellan #x reader #greek gods #love #betrayal #angst #percy pjo #percy series #annabeth chase #percy jackson

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