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graniairish · 3 years

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Walking on eggshells

So this is my first own story here. I hope it is written in an understandable way. (Please ignore any grammatical errors. English is not my mother tongue.)

Title: Walking on eggshells

Words: 6761

Warnings: language (some explicit words), harassment and insults, heartbreak

Summary:

Daryl and reader have been close friends since the early days in Atlanta. They are deeply in love with each other but have no clue about it.

At some point new people join the community, including a young woman who is immediately after Daryl.

Reader is not exactly thin, no size zero, but also not fat, rather curvy, feminine. Even in this apocalyptic time. (you are just the way you are.)

Daryl has withdrawn more and more from reader, avoids contact. Reader believes he does that because he now has a perfect woman by his side.

However, Daryl avoids reader because he does not know how to deal with his feelings.

One day reader goes on a run that goes wrong. To save their group, the reader does a suicide stunt, that can cost her life.

--------------------------------------------------

"Ya even know what ya're doin’?"

Those were the first words Daryl Dixon had ever said to you.

It was still at camp in Atlanta. Daryl stood over you, the sun behind him, as he looked down at you as you made a stew from a basket full of leaves and mushrooms.

“Believe it or not, I know what I'm doing here. My mother taught me as a child which mushrooms and plants are edible, and which can be used as medicine."

He nudged his nose up in a nod.

"If ya say so."

With that he dropped something in front of you.

"Maybe the whole thin’ tastes like somethin’ with that," he said before he turned around and made his way back to his brother.

Your eyes followed him - confused. Only then did you notice that he had thrown about a dozen freshly hunted squirrels in front of you.

Maybe the grumpy redneck was not that bad after all, you thought to yourself with a smile as you started to skin and gut the dead animals.

It was not long before a friendship developed between you. You were the only one he really let near him after the disappearance of his brother and Sophia's death. And after the farm was overrun by Walkers, he was by your side to comfort you.

He was always there for you, just as you were for him. You cared for each other.

But you only noticed how deep the feelings really were on your side when Daryl - after the incident with Woodbury - had turned his back on you and everyone else and disappeared into the woods. Just to be with his brother.

The realization that you were infinitely in love with the withdrawn redneck hit you hard. And just seeing him walk away hurt you so much that you could not breathe.

Without knowing it, Daryl had broken your heart into a million pieces.

It felt like he took a part of you with him.

More and more you withdrew from the others. From time to time, you even slept in the old management office of the Prison, far away from the cell block, from everyone else, from your family. You just wanted to be left alone in your grief and heartbreak.

In the first time you had gone through hell emotionally and a psychological breakdown would not have been long in coming. And if it had not been for Maggie, you probably would not have found your way back.

She had been your solid rock and, without you really noticing, had become your best friend - your sister.

And after a while it got better. It did not hurt that much anymore. Although it was not quite true. It still hurt - hurt infinitely - but the distances that those waves of grief hit you grew larger.

And then suddenly Daryl was back.

It was a shock to you.

And the moment he moved back into his cell in the cell block, you moved out. There was no trace of you or your belongings in the whole building anymore.

Quietly, and without anyone noticing, you moved into the management's office - permanently. The thought of being so close to him - physically - without actually being able to be close to him was just unbearable for you.

And so you had retreated.

Daryl did not seem to mind. It almost seemed as if he had not even really noticed it.

You hardly had any contact with each other. He rarely talked to you, and if he did, then only what was necessary and as monosyllabic as possible. He even seemed to be avoiding you.

But that's how life works - hard and unfair.

And you cannot choose who to fall in love with.

The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return. But it only worked like that in movies and love songs, right? It did not work that way in real life, at least not for you.

As time goes by you had devoted all your concentration to your small farm. Your mother taught you how to handle plants as a child. In your previous life - before the apocalypse - you also had a vegetable garden with which you mostly tended yourself. So you knew the job and it was easy for you.

You lived in your own little world where you worked side by side with Rick and spent your meager free time with Maggie. Sometimes Carol would join you, but you had already noticed that she somehow always dropped a few comments about Daryl.

You did not want to talk about the redneck, let alone think about him. So, you ignored her as best you could - or at least her suggestions.

But it was not that easy. Your whole prison family knew how deep your feelings were for Daryl. No matter how hard you try to hide it, hide yourself from it.

Then Woodbury fell. New people came to the Prison and with them a young woman - Michelle. Probably only in her mid-twenties, model type, blonde, pretty. A typical homecoming queen.

To you, she made it seem like she had never worked hard in her entire life. She was the type of person who always muddled through, for her own benefit.

And just a few days after moving in, she was permanently on Daryl's heels. She asked questions, talked to him, spent most of the days near him.

But worst of all, she was openly flirting with the man you loved, and he did not seem to mind. Your stomach cramped painfully at the sight, and you had not been able to eat for two days.

Your heart, painstakingly patched together, broke one more time. After that you had avoided Daryl and his blond girl for almost a week, avoided them like the devil had shunned holy water.

But it could not go on like that. And at a certain point you realized: as long as Daryl was happy, nothing else mattered. At least for you.

To make matters worse, there was that cruel little voice in your head that kept whispering to you why Daryl was interested in Michelle and not you. It kept talking to you, all the time.

And then the little wheels in your head started spinning until you were caught in a vortex of thoughts.

She was thin and delicate; you were rather well built.

Her shoulders were narrow; yours were broad.

Her stomach was flat; but you had unmistakable love handles.

She had a firm, shaped ass; you childbearing hips - as your mother used to call it.

Her golden blonde hair always fell in gentle waves down her back. You always had your y/h/c ones in a messy bun. And after hours of hard work in the gardens, you always looked like a half-plucked chicken.

You would never have any chance of comparing yourself with this beautiful, gorgeous woman. Michelle was perfect.

You were just you.

But the worst part of this whole thing was that this woman could not leave you alone. She had won, the man was hers. What else did she want from you?!

Every now and then she dropped small comments, out of the earshot of others. But so that you could hear them very well.

"Hard to believe how one can be so well fed.”

“Are you secretly eating your way through our supplies?"

"Given your size, a whole bunch of Walkers could get fed up with you for a week."

It hurt, hurt infinitely. But you were willing to endure everything. You did not want to make a scene. Did not want to get upset, maybe to draw more unwanted attention to yourself.

In the depths of your heart, you only wanted one thing. You just wanted Daryl to be happy. Everything else does not matter to you.

But what you failed to notice in all your self-doubt and self-sacrifice was: Daryl was not happy.

You were both blind to each other's intentions, had no idea why the other acted the way he was doing.

But the inner circle of your family, especially Maggie and Carol, knew what was going on. And having to watch the two of you - while you did not notice it yourself - slowly but surely drove everyone to despair.

The whole thing was like a fucking soap opera!

You and Daryl had barely spent time together and avoided each other as best you could, so you had not noticed all the little signs that spoke volumes to all the others.

How his ears turn red when you have been near him.

How he sometimes looked at you a little longer than others.

How he changed his shifts in the guard tower just so he could take care of you when you were near the fences during your work.

The moment Daryl faced you for the first time since his return, the floor was torn from under his feet. When he saw your y/e/c eyes looking at him, he felt his heart swell. Warmth spread in his chest and he had thousands of butterflies in his stomach. The redneck had never felt anything like that before and it terrified him.

It was something he could not handle.

He knew he screwed up when he left you because of his brother. The way you behaved towards him was unmistakable. Daryl did not want to endanger the little friendship that was still between you. He could not risk losing you for good.

So he gave you your freedom and just adored from a distance - without you noticing.

But from a certain point in time all his thinking was focused only on you. Or rather, to hide what he really felt about you - how much he loved you.

Daryl was so busy hiding the love he felt for you that he did not even notice how much this young woman from Woodbury was constantly flirting with him. Of course, it had not escaped him that she ran after him like a lost puppy; and yes that annoyed him.

But weren't all of these newcomers a pain in the ass?

He was not interested in this blonde woman, not a little bit. Daryl does not care about her; he does not even listen to her most of the time.

If he was honest, he did not even know her name.

---------------------------------

In the last few weeks, it had become routine for the redneck to be on guard duty in the early hours of the morning. Not just because he was an early riser- and finally got some peace up here from the intrusive people from Woodbury - but because you went to work in the vegetable gardens shortly after sunrise every day.

And from high up there he had the opportunity to watch and admire you unnoticed.

You have always been used to working hard, and everyone who saw you knew that you had no problem with it and that you could lend a hand. Rick once joked that you could overshadow any Amish when it came to your work ethic. You just shrugged your shoulders and replied that you had no problem with that as long as you didn't have to pray for hours.

So you and Daryl spent the mornings together - without your having a clue about it. You, lovingly watching over the plants in the vegetable patches, he on the guard tower, lovingly watching over you.

As the sun rose higher and higher on its way across the sky, it made the sweat shimmer on your skin as you patiently devoted yourself to each of your tasks without taking a break. The black tank top you wore on that hot summer day stuck to your body and framed it perfectly. Your figure was like an hourglass, and each of your curves came out sensually.

At least as far as Daryl could tell. For him you were perfect, just like you were. He could watch you for hours without getting tired of it, could watch you for the rest of his life.

Only when the crotch of his jeans became uncomfortably tight did the redneck look away from you. His thoughts had taken a suggestive course, and the images that emerged in his head were by far no longer suitable for minors. Daryl would surely spend this evening in his fist again - dreaming of how you would feel lying under him, how you would smell, how you would taste, and what sweet noises would come over your lips if he would touch you where you needed it most.

"Everything's okay," he heard a familiar voice next to him.

Damn it, did the time really go that fast? Was his shift already over?

"Are you okay? You seem a little distracted to me."

Carol had come to relieve him. But Daryl, in his fascination for you, had not even noticed her.

"’m okay."

"Yes, of course, and your thoughts were on the task in front of you the whole time."

There was unmistakable amusement in Carol's voice. With a knowing smile, the woman leaned on the railing and watched you work for a while.

"Can you please finally tell Y/N that you love her. So that we can finally all get on with our lives? It's really not nice to see you two walking around each other on eggshells."

Daryl was embarrassed. He was caught with his hand in the cookie jar by Carol. Still, he tried to stay as cool as possible.

"I have no idea what ya're talkin’ about."

But the woman was not easily fooled. She knew very well what was going on in the man in front of her. Just as she knew how you felt about him.

"I hear what you say, but your ears say something else.”

Daryl flinched. Sometimes he hated the way his body betrayed him.

“What the hell,” Carol had to keep from laughing “I didn't even know that they could get so red."

"Stop it woman."

Again and again, Carol tried to get her friend to finally confess his love to you. Because in her eyes you were both wasting valuable time. And being able to spend time with loved ones was the most important thing now.

You had not noticed any of this. You were too busy tying up the tomato plants and removing the leaves so that they brought the greatest possible yield. After all, many mouths had to be fed, and you all needed supplies for the coming winter.

And it was precisely these necessary supplies that prompted Rick to ask you to go on a run the next day with others. Of course, you immediately agreed, after all, everyone went on these runs at some point. It wouldn't be your first time, and certainly not your last time, that you would take part in something like this.

But who could say that in these uncertain times?

What you did not know at the time was, that Michelle would be there too. Maybe then you would have refused. But now you sat in the back seat of the pickup truck in silence, staring stubbornly out the window.

Michelle just a few inches away from you.

It had been clear to Maggie from the start that this constellation would not bring any good. However, even the young woman would not have expected what dimensions the whole thing would take. And in what a heartbreaking catastrophe it would end.

During the entire journey Glenn and Maggie tried to break the mood. The four of you sat in the truck and drove a few hours until you finally arrived at your destination.

It should be a simple thing - in and out, quietly, quickly, unseen.

But what no one had expected was the behavior that Michelle had displayed when it came to doing her part. She had absolutely no desire to be actually a part in this job.

And Michelle let the three of you feel that very clearly.

She neither wanted to help find the necessary supplies nor carry them; even found it outrageous that she had been asked by Rick to join in and risk her life. She had never had to do this before, why now?

It took you so much strength to stay calm and not yell your opinion on Michelle's face - or beat her across the street.

You did not like this woman, not a bit. For you, she was a narrow-minded, self-centered, selfish slut who cared about only herself. And what Daryl saw in her was incomprehensible to you.

But when Michelle began to risk all of your lives because of her loud behavior, even Maggie's patience ran out. The eternal insults in your direction were just the cherry on top. Maggie would have liked nothing more than to give this snotty brat a huge slap in the face.

But to make a shitty day even more shitty, that was unfortunately your smallest problem.

Michelle's loud complaints drew the attention of more and more walkers, and at some point, you had difficulties getting back to your car.

You had just successfully cleared a pharmacy when you saw the horde slowly approaching on the street.

That was by far the worst scenario, and your greatest fear.

It was all happening so quickly, and the only thing you thought was that Michelle had to make it back to the Prison alive. You could not risk Daryl losing someone he loved again. No matter what a fucking bitch she was. You knew it would destroy him.

The way back to the pickup was long and the Walkers unfortunately closer than wanted. The heavy backpacks did not make it any easier to escape them quickly. So you stayed back when Maggie, Glenn, and Michelle started running back towards the truck. You knew your partners needed a distraction to make it through.

And what could be a better distraction than you.

"Come to me you damn motherfuckers! Here I am! Come and catch me you bloody bastards! You ugly fuckers!" you screamed on top of your lungs, tried to make as much noise as possible.

The walkers slowly turned to you and came to hunt you down - to kill you. You would be their lunch. Scared to death your heart was beating so hard in your chest that you thought it was about to pop out.

From that point on, you could not remember anything. Your brain just shut down, went into survival mode. You only ran on instinct, no more active thinking.

In a way, like the Walkers you tried to escape from.

Maggie turned when she heard your voice, and the blood froze in her veins. She thought you were right behind her, but you were still near the entrance to the pharmacy and the horde of walkers was on the way to you.

"Y/N!" her voice was desperate.

She was about to turn back to you – to help you - but Glenn could not and would not let that happen.

"Come on Maggie, we have to get the car. We'll come back for her; I promise."

Glenn took his girlfriend's hand and pulled her forcefully with him.

Michelle had not noticed anything of that, she was the first to take a seat in the pickup and firmly locked the passenger door behind her.

When Glenn finally started the engine and Maggie - now in the back seat - turned her eyes back to the pharmacy entrance, you were gone.

Your best friend was in a panic.

"Where is she? Oh my god, where is she?"

Only then did she see you on the canopy of the building - the backpack with the bandages still firmly strapped around you.

"On the roof, Glenn, she's on the roof! We have to get her!" the young woman screamed in desperation.

She could not and did not want to lose her friend. Not now and not like this.

“and preferably before these things figure out how to climb”, was Glenn's addition when he turned the truck and drove towards the pharmacy.

"Are you crazy," squeaked Michelle, "do you want to die just to maybe save her life?"

Maggie's eyes darkened, and Glenn realized immediately that she had now reached the limit. Another word from Michelle and his girlfriend would feed this woman to the Walkers with no trace of guilt.

"You shut up now, bitch! You're to blame for all this shit. If you’d shut your damn mouth and done what we've all done hundreds of times before, none of this would have happened! These fucking things would never have noticed us."

Michelle gasped to give Maggie a neat answer, but Maggie was faster.

"If I hear one more word from you, if you just beep, I'll feed you to these Walkers!"

Michelle's reply was interrupted by the gruesome sound of breaking bones as Glenn brutally drove through the horde of walkers who were now confused and trying to understand what was going on around them.

You were still standing on the roof. Your gaze was focused on the scene before you but not fearful, as if your self was not there at that moment.

"You have to jump," Glenn called to you when he brought the pickup to a stop right under the roof.

And with that you jumped onto the back of the truck. The fall was higher than expected, and there was a thump as you hit the flatbed. Immediately Glenn had accelerated the car again and drove away as fast as he could in the direction of Prison.

Desperate, Maggie kept calling your name, but you just did not answer. Maybe you were in shock. After all, it was not common practice to voluntarily sacrifice oneself as a meal for these monsters.

A few miles out of town, Glenn finally stopped the car, and Maggie was by your side in an instant. But she was not prepared for what she saw. You were passed out and a small pool of blood had formed under your head. The thud she had heard - when you landed - had been your head when it hit the loading wall.

"Oh my God."

Immediately Maggie was at your side, looking for your pulse with trembling hands. And there it was - weak - but she felt it.

"Please open your eyes Y/N/N", the young woman pleaded as she lovingly brushed the hair off your face.

"Maggie?" Glenn's voice was timid, almost frightened, as he stood next to the pickup and stared at your broken body.

"We have to get her to my father as soon as possible!"

Maggie's harsh words seemed to loosen Glenn from his stupor.

"Okay, no problem, I can do that."

And with that Glenn was back behind the wheel and gave full throttle. Maggie stayed with you on the flatbed, took off your backpack and trying to stop the bleeding on your head.

-------------------------------------

Rick and Daryl were in the courtyard of the prison, discussing the next runs when the pickup truck drove through the gates with screeching tires. It was immediately clear to both of them that something bad must have happened.

Without wasting time, the two men ran towards the car.

"What happened", Rick called out.

But Daryl could not hear Glenn’s answer. Everything around him fell silent and vanished when he saw you - bleeding, passed out - in Maggie's arms.

Without thinking further, he jumped on the flatbed and leaned over you. He caressed your pale cheek with trembling fingertips before desperately looking for a pulse on your neck.

Frightened, he held his breath until he felt it, your heartbeat.

Even but so weak.

"We have to take her to my father."

Maggie had not even finished the sentence when Daryl had already taken you in his arms - bridal style - and was on the way to the infirmary with you.

With a lover's desperation, he clung to you as he ran all the way.

“Don't do this to me. I beg ya, please don't die to me."

-----------------------------------

Daryl never left your side for a moment. He sat like a statue and held your hand. He did not say a word, did not move. Neither when Hershel examined you, nor when he sewed your laceration.

He listened quietly to the vet's diagnosis and what he thought might happen in the next few hours or days.

Only when Maggie came with a bowl of water and a cloth to wash off the dirt and blood did he break free.

"Let me …" Daryls voice cracked, and the knot in his throat made it difficult for him to say anything else.

He took everything from Maggie's hand and put it on the little table next to your bed.

The redneck looked broken. The young woman could clearly see how much he loved you. And she knew that if you died, Daryl would vanish. He would just cease to exist.

“I'm so sorry,” Maggie said quietly, and a tear rolled down her cheek, “I thought she was right behind me. But … but she wasn't."

"It's not ya’ fault." Daryl's voice was barely perceptible.

Slowly he dipped the cloth into the warm water and began to carefully wash the blood off your face.

"Daryl I’m ... I’m"

"I know."

“Y/N is strong, she is tough. She will be okay."

Daryl just nodded absently while he concentrated fully on washing the blood off your temple.

And so Maggie left the redneck alone with you in the infirmary.

With trembling hands, he began to clean your neck. Little by little he washed your whole body- took care of you quietly and lovingly- making dirt, blood and sweat disappear, made you as clean as he saw you before you went on that fucking run.

Then he sat there, hour after hour, just looking at you, holding your hand. You looked so fragile. You lay there injured and pale, almost like a corpse. Only your quiet, even breathing told Daryl that you were still with him.

Inside Daryl, everything contracted painfully at the thought that you might not wake up again. Slowly he leaned towards your face. He looked at every birthmark, every wrinkle, every freckle, as if he wanted to burn them into his memory.

“I don't know if ya can hear me,” he finally began with a trembling voice.

“But I ... I ... I “, he had to laugh bitterly.

“’m a bloody coward. Why can' I jus’ say it?"

Daryl took a deep breath, he had to get his fear under control somehow. He had to tell you. He would never forgive himself if he did not do it now.

What if you died.

"I love ya Y/N. 've been in love with ya since ... I actually have no idea how long. But I love ya. I should have told ya much earlier. I don' know why I didn't. But I love ya."

Daryl fought back tears but lost.

"Oh God please, I beg ya, please come back to me. Give me a chance to show ya how much I love ya. Just one chance to prove myself to ya." and with that Daryl collapsed on top of you, crying and sobbing.

----------------------------------

It took you two days to open your eyes again. Two days in which Daryl had not left your side. Two days of going through hell and back again. In which even he had sent a quick prayer or two towards heaven.

It was as if you had been awakened from a deep sleep far too abruptly. And it took a while before you knew where you were. You felt dizzy and tired. Your head hurt like hell. And you were confused.

First, why you were in the infirmary, and second, why Daryl was sitting next to your bed looking like he had not slept in days – your hand in his.

"Hey," he whispered, "how are ya feelin’?"

"Tired", your voice was scratchy from not using it for a long time, "my head hurts."

“You hit ya head bad. Hershel had to patch ya up."

"What happened?"

"Can't ya remember."

"No ... Yes …. but not ... not really ... only up to a certain point."

You were nervous, were not used to Daryl being so close to you. You did not want to make a fuss about yourself, and yet you liked the attention this man was giving you.

“I can still remember the horde of Walkers who came up to me, but then … nothing ... I can't remember what happened then."

You had not noticed that tears had started to run down your temples until Daryl lovingly wiped them away with his thumb.

"Hey ... shh ... take it easy. Everythin’ is okay. Everyone’s fine. Please don't get upset, ya have a concussion. Hershel says ya need a lot of rest now."

And suddenly you were silent. Never before had Daryl spoken to you with such a loving tone in his voice or had touched you in this way. You did not understand what was happening here.

But he said you had a concussion. Perhaps it was to blame for this filter through which you noticed this whole interaction.

“I'll let Hershel know that ya woke up. I'll be right back; promise."

Confused, you looked after the redneck. Something had happened that you had no idea about. But you did not want to worry about it now. Your head hurt too much, and you just wanted to sleep.

---------------------------------------

When you opened your eyes again, Hershel was sitting in the chair on which you had previously seen Daryl.

"It's nice to see you again with your eyes open Y/N," said the older man with a friendly smile, "you worried us very much."

"‘m sorry. "

"It's okay. How do you feel?"

"Okay. Tired, head hurts."

"Something else?"

"No, except that I feel like I'm wrapped in cotton wool."

Hershel sat and listened to you before nodding.

"Daryl said you can't remember what happened."

"Not really."

"Don't worry, that's nothing unusual with this type of head injury."

He patted your shoulder encouragingly.

"Will I be able to remember one day?"

"You know kid, sometimes it is really good not to be able to remember some things."

"Probably."

“But now you should rest first. I know you have questions, but answers will come later. After all, you have to regain your strength."

------------------------------------------

You knew you had slept, but not for how long. Because the next time you opened your eyes, Carol was sitting on that same chair. But there was something else. Could it be that it smelled of her venison ragout?

"How are you, Y/N/N?"

"Still tired, but the headache is almost gone."

"Good to hear. You gave us all a real scare."

"I'm sorry."

"Especially Daryl. I've never seen him so frightened."

You looked questioningly at the older woman next to you. You were used to it that she kept dropping allusions about Daryl - at least when she talked to you. But you just did not understand that statement at all.

Daryl was never afraid of anything. Why would he ...

"Well. Are you hungry?" Carol had a friendly smile on her face when it broke your train of thought.

At that moment, your stomach made a loud rumbling noise.

“I'll take that as a yes,” smirked the gray-haired woman, “Daryl went hunting so that I could cook this. He knows it’s your favorite."

Unsure you looked at Carol before you took the bowl from her hand and slowly began to eat. It was true, that was your favorite food - if there was such a thing at all in times like this.

"You know that he loves you," she suddenly began out of nowhere

"Of course, we are family," did you try to belittle the matter.

“Okay, let's reformulate the whole thing again. Daryl is in love with you, absolutely and one hundred percent madly in love with you. A 'you're the only one for me' love. Without any misunderstanding."

When she said that, you choked on the stew right away and now you sat in front of her, coughing and snorting.

“And I know you love him too. So don't try to deny it at all. Everyone here knows that. Or how blind do you think we are? Although ... apart from Daryl. He has no idea. He probably wouldn't even understand if it bites his ass.”

At this picture you had to laugh.

“Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith in order to reach their goal. You two really have to start talking clearly to each other. You two belong together like pepper and salt Do you actually notice how much you waste your precious time? Neither of us knows how much of it is left. You should know that now, because honey it was damn close."

---------------------------------------------

Sleeping was your main occupation right now. A concussion took time and a lot of rest to heal. So it wasn't uncommon for your life to consist of short scenes at the moment.

With a sound - like a purring cat - you stretched in the hospital bed before opening your eyes. You no longer had any sense of time, and only the sunlight falling through the barred windows told you that it was probably afternoon.

"Hey."

Only now did you notice that Daryl was with you again.

"Ya feel better?"

"Yes."

Daryl seemed kind of nervous. But that wasn't possible, why should he?

"I've been here before, but ya slept and I don't want to wake ya", his words just gushed out of him.

Could it be? Was he nervous?

"Okay ... yes ... uhm ..."

You were easily overwhelmed with this situation, and somehow your head just seemed to have been swept clean. You could not find any words.

"We take turns. Hershel thinks there should always be someone with ya. Because of the concussion. Rick has already been here, and Maggie of course."

"And Carol."

"Yea."

"I wanted to thank you."

"For what?"

"For the food. Carol said you went hunting especially for it."

"No problem."

“I still appreciate it. And for ... that you are here ... with me."

He nudged his nose up in a nod.

And then there was silence. The conversation with Carol kept going through your head. What she said. Could it really be true?

You knew that Daryl has always been more of a man of action than a man of words. And it was clear to you that if you did not take the first step now, you two would probably never get anywhere.

"Carol spoke to me", you started when you sat up

The man across from you was obviously nervous now. You could tell all too clearly by the fact that he was starting to chew the inside of his cheek.

"With me too."

"Apparently something like an intervention is going on here, could that be", you smiled, trying to loosen up the mood a bit.

"Seems so."

Daryl looked at you for a few moments. You could see the wheels turning in his head.

"I'm a coward, Y/N," he finally began.

You had expected a lot, but not a statement like that.

"No, you’re not. How did you come up with such an idea?"

"I was a complete idiot and too cowardly."

"What are you talking about Daryl."

In your opinion, this was going completely wrong right now. You actually wanted to tell him you loved him, and now it seemed to end in a vortex of self-doubt.

"I love ya, Y/N.”

And with that your thoughts became silent.

“I am terribly in love with ya. And out of fear I didn't say anything. But then I saw ya lying on the flatbed of that fucking truck, covered in blood and passed out. At that moment, my heart stopped. And I swore to myself that when ya're okay again, when ya've got throu’ this, that I'll finally tell ya what I feel for ya. Y/N I love ya. "

During Daryl's monologue you forgot how to breathe and just listened intently while thousands of butterflies fluttered around in your stomach like they're having a bloody party there.

It took you some time to realize that Daryl was waiting for a reaction from you as he gnawed his thumb in fear.

"I love you too," it gushed out of you before you even realized you had said something.

And then there was silence again. You and Daryl just looked at each other. Unsure what to do now. After all, you were both in uncharted waters.

"And ... and now," you asked uncertainly.

"Don't know," Daryl just shrugged.

"I mean ... um ... are ... are we ... together now?"

You carefully ventured out of cover.

"Um, yea ... if ya ... if ya want that."

"Oh my god, yes please", you replied in one breath.

Suddenly the tension between you had dissolved and you both had to laugh. It was so surreal. Two adults acted like teenagers in love who had no idea what to do.

But then Daryl slowly leaned in towards you. Your heart was pounding when you could finally feel his breath on your face. But before your lips touched, he stopped. He wanted to give you the opportunity to evade him if you did not want this.

But you wanted it, wanted it more than anything else in your life. And when you had overcome the last few inches, you finally felt his lips on yours.

The feeling was amazing. As if at that moment an electric shock had run through your whole body, and at the same time it was like coming home.

Everything around you no longer existed, was no longer important. Here and now, it was just you and Daryl. The way his lips moved with yours, how his fingers slowly ran up your arms until they were in your hair.

Everything was so intense. And when you finally parted to take a much-needed breath, Daryl leaned his forehead against yours.

"Ya have no idea how long I've been dreamin’ about this."

"Probably as long as me."

-------------------------

When Rick was about to visit Y/N in the early evening hours, he saw Carol and Maggie standing in the door to the infirmary.

"Everything's okay," he wanted to know.

The two women turned around with their index fingers over their lips.

"Shhhh."

Both did at the same time.

"Be quiet and come here," Carol whispered, "you really have to see that."

Rick approached the two women curiously. What could be so interesting that Carol and Maggie were half-hidden behind the door, staring into the infirmary?

He was confused, but when he saw what fascinated them so much, his heart swell. A satisfied smile played on his lips, as he was seeing what was going on less than five paces away.

Daryl was lying - half sitting - on the bed. His back supported on the wall behind him. Y/N was snuggled close to him, head on his chest and her arm wrapped around him. Absently, the fingers of his right hand traced patterns on her upper arm as he read to her from an old paperback.

Everyone could see the love that bound these two people. And thank God the two finally understood that.

"Seems like we finally have a happy ending," said the former deputy with a broad smile.

"Thank God", Maggie exhaled, "nobody wanted to watch this puppy love shit anymore."

“Yes,” laughed Rick, “but you have to admit there was something exciting about the whole thing. As if it had been our very own little soap opera."

"You're right, but I prefer my best friend happy."

"And what do we do now. I mean this seemingly endless heartbreak theater has come obviously to an end."

"Gossip- Rick is afraid he'll get bored?"

Maggie's voice was teasing.

"No, that's not how it was meant."

"Don't worry, Rick," said Carol with a smile, "I think the whole thing has a sequel anyway."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, has someone told Michelle yet?"

All three looked at each other with big eyes before they having to resist laughing convulsively.

This story could get really interesting after all, they agreed.

part two

#Daryl Dixon #Daryl Dixon x Reader #daryl dixon fanfiction #Daryl dixon imagine #daryl dixon x plus size reader #daryl dixon x reader #daryl dixon #daryl imagines #daryl x reader #daryl dixon drabbles #daryl dixon fluff #daryl dixon imagine

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thatharringrovehoe · 3 years

Text

Some more Mob AU stuff cuZ I love it.

- Nancy and Steve never dated, but they have had sex. Once. Nancy wanted her first time to be with someone she trusted and Steve is her BEST FRIEND. She trusts Steve more than anyone. And it's. Not great. Because look. Steve and Nancy have alot in common. To much. They each like to be in control. They're both 100% Tops with a capital T. So when they have sex, even though Nancy is nervous, it ends up being almost a fight. Constantly trying to flip the other over, lots of biting and teeth and frustration because neither of them will submit. Afterwards they put on mud masks and get high and agree that while they love each other there is no way they're ever going to be like that.

- Steve notices the way Jonathan goes all glassy eyed when Nancy walks into the room. How his breath hitches whenever she gets mean. Cuz she is. She's not a bad person, but she's definitely a spoiled brat in a different way than Steve. Because while Steve is starved of love and affection, Nancy has been drowning in it since birth. She's haughty and petulant and will not stop for anything to get what she wants. And Steve is worried at first. Jonathan is a good spymaster and an even better friend so he's reluctant to feed him to the lioness that is Nancy Wheeler.

- He doesn't worry later when he watches Nancy go absolutely gooey with affection the first time Jonathan kisses her in the hallway. How she leads him around like a lost puppy by his camera strap to do what Steve suspects is fucking filthy things to him in the photo development room. Because he knows what Nancy likes. Knows that while Steve kills with kindness Nancy Wheeler is all bite and no bark. Likes to make the pleasure sting. And judging by the way Jonathan practically drools when she rakes her manicured nails down his chest over his shirt while they make out leaning against Jonathan's car after school, he 100% is down to be destroyed by Nancy *the princess* Wheeler.

- Jonathan is still a creep. The only difference here is that he's NEVER crossed Steve. Because when the Harrington kid came up to him in 8th grade and asked if he'd heard any interesting rumors Jonathan thought it was a joke. Just another shot at that weird Byers kid. Had half a mind to tell him to go fuck himself. But right as Tommy curled the beginnings of a mean smirk, Steve shut him down without even looking at him. Just held up his hand. Down boy. And Jonathan thought "You know what? Fuck it." Because if he was lying then he was just like everyone else anyway. But if he was telling the truth. Well. He wasn't above bribery. Told Steve everything he knew. Earned himself a seat in King Steve's court. Used the shadows that always used to swallow him up as a cloak. Held himself with a little more confidence because the monarch of Hawkins may have everyone's secrets. But Jonathan spun the web.

- Billy and Jonathan actually get along really well. They get high and talk about music whenever they're not otherwise occupied getting fucking wrecked by their spoiled rich kid Tops. Billy is low key concerned for Jonathan because damn. Wheeler is fucking savage. Like they'll be passing the joint back and forth and Jonathan will start getting almost to detailed the longer they smoke. Billy did not need to know Nancy Wheeler pegs her boyfriend with a dildo that big okay?

- Carole and Tommy are actually married. Like legally. As soon as Carole turned sixteen Tommy BEGGED Steve to pull some strings. To forge some documents. Cuz Tommy LOVED Carole. She was it. And Tommy could be one nasty piece of work but he would die for this girl no hesitation. And Steve is a sucker for that romantic shit. Set them up with a trip to Italy where a lot of Steve's mother's family lives. Because his grandfather respects a man who's ready to commit to his woman like that. And Steve is his grandmother's favorite. They have a ceremony in a little Church at the heart of the village. Tommy did not fucking cry when he saw Carole in her dress okay? It was just dusty in that old church, shut up.

- Nancy and Carole HATE each other. But in a very wasp-ish kinda way. Will hang out and have 'spa days, just us girls' but would choke each other out given the slightest opportunity. Tommy thinks it's hot. He will never tell Carole this.

- Dustin is obsessed with the fact that Nancy and Steve are kind of mirrored? Just two dominant rich kids that fell in love with emotionally stunted boys that were abused by their fathers? They both have dark brunet hair and big brown eyes? Their boyfriends are blonde? Steve are you listening? Steve!

- Steve gets really bad nightmares. Like wake up mid panic attack bad. And he's usually really good at hiding it from Billy. Is careful not to sleep to deeply around him. But one night after some fucking incredible sex Steve just passes the fuck out cuddling. The next thing he knows he's being shaken awake by a terrified Billy Hargrove. Because Steve had been screamin and shakin and cryin out and Billy was ready to burn down this hick town looking for whoever hurt Steve like this. Was gunna bury them in the Hawkins woods and piss on their grave. And that's when Steve tells him everything about the upside down. Introduces him to El to prove it.

- Speaking of, El doesn't spend a year all alone in a fucking cabin. Because Steve knows everyone's secrets and he likes having people in his pocket. And as much as Hopper dislikes Steve Harrington he can't say no when the king of Hawkins offers Jim perfectly forged paperwork for his 'daughter' El. So El goes to school and spends time learning how to be an actual child while Steve Harrington yanks on the leash of the chief of police whenever he wants.

- Billy is SOFT okay? He's just never been allowed to show it. Had been painted with bruises for just existing so God forbid his father let him show a human emotion. But after a year in Hawkins with Steve he lets his shoulders drop just a little. Will twine his fingers with his boyfriend's during movie night at the Byers. Brings Steve breakfast in bed. The first time he weaves a daisy crown for him Steve almost fucking weeps he's so touched.

- Steve is fucking possessive. Like. Intensely jealous. And at first this was a problem because Billy could not understand why all the girls in Hawkins treated him with kid gloves? They didn't just disregard any playful flirting, they full on didn't acknowledge it. He didn't really get longing stares as he walked through the halls anymore. No more tittering teenage girls blushing over him when he had gym outside. And he's not interested in women but it's nice to be noticed okay? Especially when he puts in so much effort. It starts to make him self conscious. Like, is he just unattractive? Second guesses himself to the point that he stops wearing his shirts unbuttoned and starts to get a little obsessive over working out. It's when Billy starts skipping meals that Steve notices. Sees Billy's lip wobble a little when he asks Steve if he's actually attracted to him or if he's just being nice. And Steve has to explain that he just... Doesn't share well. At all. That when Andrew Brady showed up to school last month with a fat lip and a limp it was because Steve had heard him talking with his buddies behind the general store about how he wanted to bend Billy over his Camaro and make him scream.

- And Billy is just. Shook. Gets all warm and fuzzy because no one hase ever loved him this much. Never wanted Billy this much. Wanted Billy to stay. Can feel tears willing up behind his lashes because the most amazing boy he's ever met is so over the moon for Billy that he's willing to draw blood on his behalf. Kisses Steve so hard they both forget to breath. Feels safe and loved, because he belongs to Steve Harrington. However he still flirts with people on the daily though cuz he's a little shit. And hey if it means his jealous boyfriend rails him so good he forgets his own goddamn name then that's just a bonus.

#I'm falling in love so deep with this AU you guys have no idea #mob au #billy hargrove #harringrove #steve harrington #stranger things #billy hargrove/steve harrington #billy/steve #Tommy H #Carole Perkins #Dustin Henderson #Jonathan Byers #Nancy Wheeler #RIP Jonathan cuz Nancy fucking destroys that boi on the daily and he is INTO IT

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sweetestlamb · 3 years

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If You Leave Me Now

Summary: Ms. Oh’s letter gives Cha-young courage to say what’s in her heart.

Author’s Note: Back with another Chayenzo fic and surprisingly no angst this time, today’s episode inspired me to write this. Also fulfilled my Chayenzo fic prompt, this is what you call efficiency ladies and gents LOL I wanted to write sweet emotionally stunted Vinny and brave CY trying to let him know that he deserves love, hope you enjoy!

She doesn’t know what she had been expecting from the letter, initially she had thought it would simply be a thank you note-though it was unnecessary Ms. Oh was always very grateful and seemed to think that her mere existence was a nuisance to those around her. The woman had been so beaten down by life and she feels a sense of pride that her father spent all these years caring for someone that all others had all but thrown away after destroying her. She would never be as intrinsically good and right as her late father, she had too much blood and bad deeds on her hands to be sanctified but helping the powerless, she had enough heart left to see that this was something she cared about.

She had spent years following her mother’s untimely death hardening herself and convincing herself that others didn’t matter to her. She was an island and she needed no one else. This was her mantra as she worked her way up the social ladder at Wusang and purchased more and more temporary happiness in the form of bags and pretty suits, materialism filled the void that was left by her lack of any true love in her life.

She gently folds back up the letter, letting the tears cascade down her cheeks the words still tugging at her heart.

The woman had come to terms with her fate, knowing that while we are all essentially dying each day her days were numbered and their was an expiration date lingering in the imminent future. But it wasn’t those words that made her cry it was the words she has never seen coming.

It seemed the only people they were lying to were each other.

Ms. Oh knew.

Had known all this time and hadn’t deigned herself worthy of revealing the secret and getting the opportunity to hear that sacred word that only one person could anoint her with.

Eomeoni.

“It’s enough that I get to see him. He has grown up so well without me.”

It must have been torture for the poor woman to see the very son she had given away and not be able to hold him or hear his voice as he called her mother, her smile never quite reached her eyes when he called her Ms. Oh. It was as if she was quietly waiting and suffering for the day when he would slip and reveal their true relationship but if her partner was anything he was steadfast and stubborn. He wouldn’t be saying a word, at least without a nudge.

His words echo in her memory, “People like me don’t deserve love.”

it was such bullshit and cop out but she recognized it for what it was, a convenient shield from his feelings. If he believed that he didn’t have any right to love then he would avoid the pain that came from loving someone, the expectations and the vulnerability.

Squeezing the papers between her shivering fingers she grabs her phone before she can second guess herself, his number is the most recent in her call list. She had called him earlier today to see what he wanted to eat for breakfast tomorrow, it was his day to choose she had chosen last time.

The phone only rings once before he’s answering, his voice is warm honey through the speaker she knows he is laying down in his ridiculously expensive silk pajamas. She absently wonders how it would feel on her skin.

“Hmm what is it?” He answers groggily, sounding sleepy but patient and she can detect no annoyance at her calling so late, instead he sounds concerned and she can hear the faint sounds of him moving.

“I’m okay. You don’t need to get dressed.” He sighs in response, the sounds of movement fading and then it’s silent except the faint coos of Inzaghi in the background. “is Inzaghi keeping you up again? Maybe you should get someone to get rid of him?”

“No! How could I-- I mean no, it’s fine. His coos don’t bother me anymore. I find them soothing.” He replies more passionately than she had expected, he had been many hours cursing the pigeon in the past much to her chagrin but lately it was like he had found a new appreciation for the bird. It was weird. It wasn’t like the bird had saved him or something ludicrous like that so she had no idea why he was behaving like this.

“Okay.”

“What’s wrong? Why are you calling so late?” He hums on the other line, sounds of the kitchen reaching her ears now, he’s probably making tea he wasn’t much of a fan before but it had slowly grown on him. She had obnoxiously bought him a huge box of tea while she had been staying with him after he’d told her how he only enjoyed coffee- real coffee not the garbage she drank, she forced him to drink them with her every morning until he started making them on his own much to her amusement.

“Drink the chamomile tea, it’ll help you fall asleep.”

After a small pause he answers, “I don’t have trouble falling asleep.”

He lies and she doesn’t call him out, both recalling that night he had woken up sweaty and panicked after a dream. She hadn't questioned him seeing the terror on his face, knowing it wasn’t the right time. She had quietly made him tea and stayed up until he fell asleep, tucking the blanket more snuggly around him.

She listens as the kettle whistles signaling it’s readiness and suddenly she feels ready too, despite the consequences.

“Are you still planning on leaving Korea after you get the gold?” She asks suddenly, a familiar fear pressing on her chest the longer he goes without answering her and she can almost see his face- his wide eyes and the purposeful stoic look firmly in place.

“Why do you keep asking me that?” His voice is tired, desperately so and she can hear the hidden message, “why are you making me face my emotions?” and honestly she doesn’t know why herself, she has never been one to face her own emotions not with matters of the heart. She spent years pretending not to need her father’s approval or love whilst secretly pining and desperate for any attention from him even though she had been the one to push him away first.

It’s your fault she’s dead!

With those vicious words she had ripped her father’s beating heart from his chest and stomped on it with her stiletto heels. Then she had joined Wusang and fought against him, using money and influence to snuff out the hope of innocent people. Maybe Vincenzo was right and people like them didn’t deserve love.

But she was greedy and entitled and others might see that as a flaw but she didn’t care, she wanted this and she deserved it.

“Because I want you to stay.”

There’s no taking it back, the truth is now out there suspended between them and she can hear his gasp on the other line, she’s caught him off guard. Hell, he’s not the only one but she has already shot herself in the foot so there’s no turning back now.

She’s all in.

“I like you.” That’s a lie, the feelings she has for him have mowed past “like” a long time ago and are dangerously close to another L word she’s too chicken shit to admit to him or herself, she has some sense of self preservation and despite those lips devouring her own and stealing any doubts she had about his reciprocation of her feelings, she knows that he is scared of this and he could push her away in some blindsided decision to keep her safe.

“Wh--what?” He stutters out dumbfounded and far less eloquent than the smooth mafia member she has come to know.

It makes her smile softly, she feels honored to get to see this side of him. A side that he only shows to her.

“I’m happy that you came to Korea and that we met. That you met my father and for a little while you were on his side. That you accepted me after everything and that you have never judged me. Meeting you as been the best luck I’ve ever stumbled on, Vincenzo Cassano.”

The silence is deafening and she vaguely wonders if he has hung up too overwhelmed with her sudden confession and fleeing instead but the screen still says his name, “Corn Salad” when she pulls it back to peer at the screen.

“I know you don’t think you belong here in Korea, you don’t think it’s your home. But I’m learning that home doesn’t have to be a place, it can be people too and the feeling you get around them. You showed me that.” Her heart is thundering now but she feels relieved to say this out loud too, if anything were to happen to either one of them it would break her if he never knew how she felt, what he meant to her.

“Me? I showed you that?” He whispers stunned and she can hear the soft rustle of him sitting down, had she made him weak in the knees? She can only hope so.

“Yes. I have lived here my whole life but I never felt as seen or accepted until I met you. You feel like home.”

“Cha-young ah.”

She waits to see if there will be more but that’s all he says, her name like it’s a sermon. It’s the first time he has called her by her first name despite how close they’ve grown in the past months. It sounds like music to her ears, not that opera noise he’s always listening to despite her complaining-loudly- each time she comes over but real music, the kind you would put on during those summer days where you let your hair whip in the breeze. The kind that remains in your heart even after summer has long ended and fall creeps around the corner with a cool entrance.

“I’m happy you’re here and I want this to be your home now. I don’t want you to run away, we both want you to stay.”

His breath is erratic over the line, even more so than when she had found him injured in the underpass. She lets him process her words giving him time that nobody else has ever received from her in the past, with him she wants to be someone who can be patient, he is worth the wait.

“Why are you telling me all this? Why now?” He pleads sounding tortured and when he sniffles she wants nothing more than to reach through the phone and wrap him up in her arms, he sounds so young and confused.

“I don’t want to have any regrets. Not with you.” She answers honestly, the letter staring at her from the table words catching her eyes.

“I can’t let him know how much he means to me. I know it is not my place to ask this but please love him dearly and let him know he is important and needed everyday. Letting him go was my biggest regret, I hope you will be stronger than I was.”

Like she had a choice anyway, she had told herself many times that she shouldn’t have feelings for him but every time she saw him smile or watched him torture someone to get them closer to taking down Babel all of her logic went out the window and she couldn’t help but imagine a life for them after this was all over. Korea, Italy, Malta, it didn't matter where they went as long as they were together. She had no intention of letting him go, not without a fight.

If that made her a villian so be it, he had been the one to train her how to be one in the first place.

“You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted you to know how I feel about you. I’m sorry if I kept you up.”

A long pause follows her apology and with a sigh she goes to end the call, he hadn’t outright rejected her and that was more than she had been expecting. She would regroup and make a thorough presentation of why they belonged together and why exactly he should either stay in Korea or let her go with him after they defeated those corrupt scumbags.

“It’s okay. I couldn’t sleep anyway.” He admits, forgetting his earlier denial of this very fact.

“Are you drinking the tea?”

“Yes, I am. You left so many of them here. I told you I’m not a tea drinker.” He states contrary with the loud slurping she hears over the phone.

If she were anyone else his seeming dismissal through ignoring her confession would be heart breaking but she knows him too well now, is too aware of the dark inner workings of his mind and much he is overthinking every word she has uttered and cataloguing every reason that they shouldn’t be together, her safety is most likely top of the list. Old habits die hard and regardless of her constantly telling him that they should face everything together, she knows that there is still a lot that he hides from her in a guise of protecting her. His story about a nail pulling his suit plays out in her head.

“Tea is best for insomnia. Get some rest, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She hangs up first, staring at the picture she had sneakily taken of him when he had been distracted in the office. It had been a long day and he had abandoned his jacket and loosened his tie, a sign that the day had taken its toll on him. She didn’t know what came over her but she found herself picking up her phone and snapping a picture of his side profile, he looked so handsome. When he had looked up and seen her on the phone, she pretended to be texting someone and walked away, her heart racing until he shrugged and looked away.

“I won’t give up on you Vincenzo Cassano.” She promises, putting the letter back into the envelope and making her way to the bathroom to complete her nightly routines.

Face scrubbed and teeth brushed to minty perfection, she walks across the moonlit room tugging down the sheets and crawling in, being so open and honest had been emotionally exhausting.

The things she did for him.

Getting comfortable in her bed she reaches out to plug in her phone to charge, but the tiny envelope icon on her phone catches her attention, she must have received a message while she was in the bathroom. Curious, she swipes her phone open before clicking on the message, she tells herself not to be too hopeful it’s probably not him and she’s going to be disappointed when it’s just a telemarketer trying to get her to switch tv providers.

“Oh,” She stares at the message, the light from the phone the sole source of illumination in the dark room besides the moon glowing through her curtains. She has no words, no thoughts either all she can do is feel and even that is difficult with too many varying emotions raging war in her body. She had tried her damnest not to expect anything, knew that he wasn’t ready to face his feelings and he might never be able to say how he felt about her, his actions would have to be enough. She would have accepted it as enough, having him was more than enough.

But as the message stares up at her, she realizes she had been lying to herself when the wave of unfiltered joy that crashes over her washes away her sandcastles of lies.

You are already my home.

It’s not the passionate confessions that are glorified in dramas, there’s no rain or dramatic slowing down of time, he hasn’t even said those coveted three oh so special words; on the surface he has barely said anything at all but to her his words are a blanket on a cold wintery day, she has only ever wanted someone to stay and now she has found that.

Loving him feels like coming home.

#vincenzo #hong cha young #vincenzo cassano #CCFC2021 #chayenzo #chayenzo living rent free in my mind #soft hours

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sssrha · 4 years

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WangXian wouldn’t have been very functional pre-Wei Wuxian’s resurrection

So I was talking to @litescheme on Twitter and I decided to pour my heart out about how I hated the general fandom consensus that Wei Wuxian going to Gusu when Lan Wangji asked him to would have solved all of his problems, primarily because the idea of just straight up going to Gusu is incredibly flawed. Lo and behold, they agreed wholeheartedly. We had a great discussion and now I’m here to relay the discussion onto Tumblr in essay form uwu.

(By the way, this is based mostly on CQL with a good bit of novel added in, as well as a few hints of the donghua.)

Part One: “Come back to Gusu!” is a great romantic notion but a terrible plan of action.

First of all, one must ask the question: what on Earth was Lan Wangji’s game plan with the whole “Come back to Gusu!” thing? I think we can all agree that most of the Lan Sect hated Wei Wuxian - by the end, at least. Lan Xichen certainly had less than charitable feelings toward him. With such a hostile environment, the only way I can see Wei Wuxian surviving within the Sect is while being forced into a Madam Lan-type situation. I find that prospect more reminiscent of a horror movie than a heartwarming fic about healing.

Luckily for us, we can safely say that canon Lan Wangji would not have done that! Due to certain childhood trauma, Lan Wangji definitely would not have forced Wei Wuxian to do anything, go anywhere, or stay anywhere that he didn’t want to. That isn’t even touching on how much Lan Wangji genuinely wanted Wei Wuxian to be happy, and forcing Wei Wuxian to do anything had generally been proven to not make him happy. Good on him!

The next point: why would Wei Wuxian have gone to Gusu in the first place? Even while ignoring WangXian’s rampant misunderstandings, Wei Wuxian always actively had a reason to not go to Gusu. During the Sunshot Campaign, he was a major player and commanded a huge amount of power that probably aided the Sects greatly. During his stay in the Burial Mounds, he had a community of war prisoners to protect. How could he go to Gusu?

I’ve seen fics where Lan Wangji ensured the safety of the Wen Remnants, and while I absolutely adore the trope, I really don’t see that happening with canon Lan Wangji. First, I don’t think he’d grown as a person enough to fully rebel against his Sect until Wei Wuxian was in immediate danger, and second, I straight up don’t think that he had the sway to. Pulling that kind of stunt implies a good deal of political power within the Sect...and also implies that Lan Wangji would have had enough power to escape a punishment which he clearly never thought he deserved. However, I could be wrong on this point! Politics has never been my forte.

Also, I don’t think anyone can bank on the Lan Sect accepting the Wen Remnants. After all, the Lan Sect participated in the First Siege of the Burial Mounds and thus, presumably, also the slaughter of the Wen Remnants.

Upon further reflection, I figured that the only time Wei Wuxian might have actually gone to Gusu was that brief period of time after the Sunshot Campaign and before he met Wen Qing. However, for him to agree, I figured that three things had to happen:

Wei Wuxian had to understand that Lan Wangji wanted to help him, not hurt him.

Wei Wuxian had to come to the (false!) conclusion that Jiang Cheng no longer needed his help or support at Lotus Pier.

Wei Wuxian had to accept that he was worth saving in the first place.

(The concept came pre-set with some delicious Yunmeng Bros angst because Jiang Cheng would almost certainly take Wei Wuxian (permanently) going to Gusu the same way he took Wei Wuxian taking the Wen Remnants to the Burial Mounds: a betrayal, a promise broken. Emotionally, of course. There definitely wouldn’t have been political pressure closing in from all sides the way there was in canon.)

I was going to expand on that concept, but then I hit a bit of a hurdle: I genuinely did not, and still do not, see any reason for Wei Wuxian to actually go to Gusu. At that point, Wei Wuxian was doing everything he felt he needed to: he protected Jiang Cheng because Madam Yu told him to (and because he genuinely cared for him, but Madam Yu’s command was his driving force) and he only left Jiang Cheng when Wen Qing - someone he perceived himself owing a greater debt to due to the golden core removal - came along. When looking at it from that regard, I don’t think Wei Wuxian would ever see a reason to go to Gusu.

So, even after clearing up the miscommunication, Lan Wangji would have to present a good reason for Wei Wuxian to listen to him.

I don’t think Lan Wangji going up to Wei Wuxian and saying, “Please come back to Gusu, I want to protect you,” would have worked. Considering how prideful Wei Wuxian was back then - with a good bit of it justified when you consider the fact that he killed a large amount of people in a single night during the Pledge Conference (though the exact number is never actually confirmed as far as I remember) - I don’t see Wei Wuxian taking the implication that he needs protection very well. No matter how many good intentions Lan Wangji had, he would have ended up offending Wei Wuxian at that point.

Another route Lan Wangji could have taken: “Please come back to Gusu, I want to play Cleansing for you.” Again, I don’t think this would have worked. (At least, that was definitely his stance in CQL and Wei Wuxian still didn’t do anything.) In Chapter 78, Wei Wuxian mentioned that the Sound of Lucidity had no effect on him. The Sound of Lucidity is, presumably, one of the Song(s) of Clarity, of which Cleansing is the most powerful. Lan Wangji used the Sound of Lucidity at the Pledge Conference after the battle had started. I don’t exactly know why he didn’t use Cleansing when it was more powerful... Either way, after he played the Sound of Lucidity, Wei Wuxian said, “You should’ve known since long ago—Sound of Lucidity is useless to me!” Thus, Lan Wangji asking him to go to Gusu so he could play Cleansing probably wouldn’t have seemed like an especially compelling reason to Wei Wuxian.

After some thought, I figured that post-resurrection, Wei Wuxian agreed to stay with Lan Wangji in the Cloud Recesses after the mystery was solved because:

He was not as prideful as pre-death Wei Wuxian.

He saw no reason to go back to Lotus Pier since Jiang Cheng made it very clear that he was unhappy with him.

He managed to process and confess his feeling to Lan Wangji, who did the same.

Pre-death Wei Wuxian has none of this. Basically, Wei Wuxian at that point had no reason to go to Gusu for anything other than a short visit.

Now, I don’t know if any of you have noticed, but this entire time I’ve been ignoring not only the reality that Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji’s relationship pre-death was...very bad, but also something else very important: the Stygian Tiger Seal.

The Stygian Tiger Seal was, of course, stupidly powerful, and Wei Wuxian only kept it because it would take too much time and energy to destroy, and it was meant to deter anyone from attacking him since he already knew that so many people were against him. One of his main fears was someone else - someone with impure motives - getting their hands on it, so of course he was paranoid wondering who would try to steal it from him. Lan Wangji asking him to go to a place where Wei Wuxian would be surrounded by people who hated his form of cultivation? Yeah, that didn’t sound that great.

(Also, can we please take a moment to appreciate this excerpt from the novel: “The Stygian Tiger Seal’s powers were considerably greater than what he had imagined. He originally wanted to use it to assist him, but its powers were almost exceeding him, its creator” (Chapter 30). Almost. He said the Seal was not as powerful as him! The Stygian Tiger Seal was, indeed, strong, but he was more so! I see a lot of fanfics paint the Stygian Tiger Seal as what made him so terrifying and...it was certainly a part of it, but he did most of it on his own! Ah, we love terrifying main characters~)

Now, I’ve acknowledged the existence of WangXian’s miscommunication, but I’ve never actually addressed it. So, here it is: I do not think Lan Wangji confessing to Wei Wuxian (even before his stint in the Burial Mounds after the Bloodbath at Nevernight) would have gone well. In Chapter 2, there is this excerpt: “Wei WuXian’s eyebrows twitched. Not only a lunatic, a homosexual lunatic as well.” This requires a bit of interpretation because it’s not exactly clear what Wei Wuxian’s eyebrow twitch means, but I’ve always interpreted it as annoyance - or even disgust - at the addition of “homosexual” to Mo Xuanyu’s profile. I’m not saying that Wei Wuxian was necessarily homophobic before the entire events of the novel, but I sincerely don’t think Wei Wuxian would have appreciated Lan Wangji - or any other man, for that matter - confessing to him. If even (immediate) post-resurrection Wei Wuxian had that attitude, I can imagine what would have gone through pre-death Wei Wuxian’s head.

So, Sunshot Campaign, post-Sunshot Campaign, and Yiling Patriarch Wei Wuxian would all definitely not go back to Gusu, nor would they appreciate a confession from Lan Wangji. That leaves the question: what about pre-Sunshot Campaign Wei Wuxian?

Part Two: Why I really don’t think WangXian would have worked out pre-Sunshot Campaign.

From here on out, “Wei Ying, come back to Gusu!” is no longer relevant because, well, Lan Wangji never said it before the meeting in the supervisory office. (And I think I’ve made my point regarding that as well as I could.)

Starting with Cloud Recesses-era Wei Wuxian...I think that, out of all the different versions of Wei Wuxian, he would have been the one of the two most-likely to get together with Lan Wangji (pre-resurrection, of course). Even then, I don’t see that high a likelihood of that actually happening. Why? Repression! Fuck both Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji were so deeply repressed at that point! Lan Wangji was obviously more aware of his feelings, and Wei Wuxian...I don’t know, I haven’t read the novel far enough to actually have this be a legitimate interpretation, but looking at CQL, I don’t really think Wei Wuxian was in love with Lan Wangji at that point (but I don’t have much evidence to back that up other than my a-spec radar...).

And even if they did somehow manage to overcome their repression - and actually both had feelings for each other in the first place - they were still teenagers! Fifteen at the beginning, I’m pretty sure, and fifteen-year-olds are decidedly bad at maintaining any sort of relationship. That doesn’t even touch on the fact that WangXian was probably legitimately incompatible at that point. Lan Wangji still lived and breathed the rules and Wei Wuxian didn’t give a fuck about them. To maintain any sort of long-term relationship, they’d have to simultaneously undergo a whole novel of character development...which is doable! But! I don’t exactly see it as plausible.

Then, of course, Wei Wuxian got kicked out of the Cloud Recesses and WangXian didn’t see each other until two years later, at the Discussion Conference in Qishan. I don’t really see long-distance relationships working out very well in ancient China, so I can’t imagine them properly maintaining their relationship throughout that. And, of course, Lan Wangji’s rage after Wei Wuxian pulls his forehead ribbon was also due to his repression. Considering how short the Discussion Conference seemed to be, I don’t think there was much room for a relationship to develop.

At the Indoctrination Camp, Lan Wangji had a whole swarm of things to worry about other than his (frankly painful) pining for Wei Wuxian so, again, I don’t see a romantic relationship developing at that point in time.

A time-frame that I think can be uniquely isolated as a very possible place to develop their relationship would be while they were trapped in the cave with the Tortoise of Slaughter. Mostly before they killed the beast, though, since afterward, Wei Wuxian had too much of a fever for any romantic shenaniganry. My reasoning is that the cave was the first time since Wei Wuxian’s punishment in the Cloud Recesses that the two of them were forced to spend a long stretch of time together, and thus could potentially open up to each other. I remember in the anime that Lan Wangji sheds a few tears as he mentions that the Cloud Recesses had burned, that his brother was missing, and that his father was...dead? Severely injured? One of those two. He was back in business-mode pretty soon afterward, but if Lan Wangji could have been persuaded to open up a bit more by an persistent and concerned Wei Wuxian, I can see a slow confession being teased out of him - there was certainly enough time!

Then again, them getting together would only happen if Wei Wuxian were both comfortable with the idea of gay men and willing to accept that he was, in fact, attracted to Lan Wangji, and if Lan Wangji were willing to let go of the rules enough to be comfortable with Wei Wuxian’s naturally rebellious nature.

After that, WangXian doesn’t meet again until the supervisory office, and I’ve already talked about all of that.

In conclusion, “Come back to Gusu!” was sweet but misguided and WangXian wouldn’t have effectively happened pre-resurrection.

Now, what does that mean for you? ...Nothing. Absolutely fucking nothing. This doesn’t mean I’m forsaking all fics where WangXian gets together pre-resurrection (in fact, I absolutely love them!) and I’m definitely not trying to say that my interpretation is the only right one. I’m not trying to police what everyone thinks and decree that all fics where Wei Wuxian is open about liking men are wrong or any crap like that. Those fics are great and I love them! These are my (and @litescheme’s) thoughts on the matter that I (we) wanted to spill out into the greater world! You can agree, you can disagree, you can ignore me (us) entirely! But if you read through this meta, then I’m assuming that you found the concept interesting. That is all I was going for!

(Well, that and trying to thoroughly debunk the notion that Yiling Patriarch Wei Wuxian getting shoved into seclusion in the Jingshi by an apologetic Lan Wangji would be in any way “healing” or even “good” for Wei Wuxian, because honestly? Fuck that.)

Ahh, thanks for reading!

#is this a hot take?#you bet ya #do i care?#not anymore #litescheme i hope this lived up to your expectations ;-;#wei wuxian #lan wangji #wangxian #mdzs #mdzs meta #wwx #lwj #wei ying #lan zhan #feel free to ignore if you disagree!!!#i'm not gonna force you to read it

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alitaimagines · 4 years

Text

“hey I heard you were a wild one. if I took you home it’d be a home run. show me how you do. I wanna shut the club with you, hey I heard you like the wild ones. ”

INOSUKE HASIBIRA - DEMON SLAYER

note: so I’m halfway through the season but I’m like dying to write KnY fanfic. in order to get myself through this dilemma, I’ve turned it into an AU. I’m barely dipping my toes into this fandom so don’t slaughter me for my writing.

you had gotten out of the gym with sweat running down your face and your heart beating at what felt like the speed of sound. Nezuko had offered to come along with you for moral support.

“hey, did Zenitsu call you at all?” you asked Nezuko looking down at your phone. Nezuko shook her head no, “he called me like ten times and that’s unusual, even for him.”

you quickly called him back before hearing screams on the other end. you gave Nezuko a look before trying to get the blonds attention, “ZENITSU, WHAT IS GOING ON?” you yelled.

it took a few more minutes before you heard shuffling, “hey, can you come to our place as soon as possible,” you sighed hearing Tanjirou’s voice, “is everything alright? why do I hear things shattering?” you asked now a bit more nervously, “just get here and prepare yourself.”

Nezuko remained silent as she scanned the plethora of messages from her brother. your hands gripped the steering wheel wondering what it was that triggered your best friend to go feral.

Inosuke had been seeing a girl for a few months now and you knew it was such a big step for the emotionally stunted boy. Zenitso and admittedly Tanjirou had been very hesitant on accepting her.

it wasn’t news. Inosuke underneath his boar mask was very attractive and although he wore it anywhere he went, he was starting to wear it less in public which caused for girls who regularly ignored him to start paying a little more attention to him.

the few of them noticed that his current girlfriend might’ve gotten with the blue haired boy for that reason. although you hadn’t seen it for yourself, you knew that Zenitsu and especially Tanjirou wouldn’t try to sabotage their best friends relationship just for the hell of it.

you and Nezuko arrived to their shared apartment to hear Inosuke’s growls from inside. Nezuko had known of the issue so she saved herself the time and waited a bit longer in the car.

“hey, it’s me,” you whispered as Zenitsu cried of relief, “what is going on?” you asked him as Tanjirou ran into the kitchen, “so, you know of Inosuke’s girlfriend, right?” you nodded, “well, they broke up. she wanted him to stop wearing his mask and he didn’t want too so she broke up with him.”

you sighed knowing this moment was inevitable. you told the two of them to give you a few minutes with him.

the boys plus Nezuko had hundred percent preferred you with Inosuke instead of some random girl. you were one of the few selective people who knew how to calm the feral boy. you had met him when he wore his boar mask 25/8 and didn’t actually judge him for it.

“Ino?” you asked as you tiptoed into the now destroyed living room, “Hashibira, are you calm yet?” you asked again as he grabbed a pillow ready to rip it.

he immediately turned to you as you put your arms out for him. you knew Inosuke wasn’t a man of many words and preferred actions over speaking when it came to his emotions.

“it’s okay Ino, it’s okay to cry,” you whispered as he shook his head no, “if you don’t feel like crying, you can always talk about it,” you offered as Inosuke shook his head again and stayed silent.

you moved him to the couch and grabbed his hand softly, “listen, like I said, you don’t have to talk about it but anger is not the best outlet to let your steam blow off,” his boar head mask was covering his face as you slowly took it off, “one day, you’ll find someone who will like you, boar face and all,” you joked as you managed to actually make him laugh.

feeling your phone go off in your pocket, you read that it was Tanjirou asking if it was safe to come in. you texted him a quick yes as heard the three of them walk in as slow as possible.

“do you want to go and work out for a while? letting out steam by working out is actually a very healthy thing to do,” you asked Inosuke as he nodded yes, “do any of you want to come?” Tanjirou and Zenitsu let out a flat no as Nezuko reminded you that you had just came from the gym for yourself.

you ignored her comment and waited for Inosuke to come down the stairs to head out. Zenitsu couldn’t help but pout. you were a cute girl. a very cute girl and he hated that you were off limits according to Tanjirou.

Tanjirou was adamant on the fact that you were going to end up with Inosuke once he realized his feelings for you and until then, you were off limits to Zenitsu.

“be careful!” Tanjirou yelled as you laugh, “I will, I’ll text you and let you know once he’s actually back to being the regular Inosuke,” you joked before shutting their door.

the two of you drove back to the gym and got greeted excitedly by the receptionist. he knew Inosuke personally and even got a few training tips from him.

“Inosuke, if I’m working out with you, please be easy, you know I can’t work out as hard as you can,” you begged making him laugh now, “no!” he exclaimed.

there was only a few who could actually work out and keep up with Inosuke. Tanjirou was one of them. the few times you actually tried to work out with him left you sore and bedridden for days on end.

the two of you started out at the weight stations and slowly progressed to different stations before making your way to the punching bags. you had sweat running down your face and felt like your arms were ready to give out from lack of rest.

“how much of this do we have to do? I’m going to pass out,” you groaned as Inosuke shook his head, “just enough,” he murmured before hearing you groan again.

he propped up your arms to give you the right pose to start punching. although you loved to complain about Inosuke’s rigorous workouts, they did actually work and gave you a bit of muscles on your arms. it was nothing compared to Inosuke himself or even Tanjirou or Zenitsu but you took pride in the bit you had.

once Inosuke realized that you were on the verge of actually passing out, he stopped and told you to chug down the water you brought. you instantly gulped down the two bottles of water and sat on the ground trying to catch your breath.

“remind me to never ask you to workout again,” you groaned as you felt your body fall limp before feeling Inosuke pick you up with ease and throw you over his shoulder, “hey!” you yelled, “put me down!”

Inosuke shook his head no and continued to carry you out until you got back into your car. he slammed you down into the drivers seat before making his way to the passenger side.

“eat,” he yelled as he gave you a handful of protein bars, “aw, you do care about me!” you laughed before ripping open a bar and scarfing it down. the two of you remained in the car eating them and listening to music before you received a message from both Tanjirou and Nezuko asking where the two of you were.

a few months had passed since Inosuke’s ‘break up’. you remained working out together and tried your hardest to get his mind off the girl who broke his poor emotional heart.

you were over at their apartment trying to help Zenitsu with assembling something he got in the mail. Tanjirou nor Inosuke were home but you knew it was a matter of time before they got here.

“god Zenitsu, you put the wrong nails in the hole!” you exclaimed as you unscrewed the tiny nails, “hand me the instructions? I don’t want to sit here and build this wrong and have to do it all over again!” you said snatching the instructions from his hand.

as you read over the instructions, you hadn’t heard Tanjirou or Inosuke come in. they both had quietly walked into the living room to see you and Zenitsu in deep though.

“hey guys!” Tanjirou said excitedly. you gave him and Inosuke a small wave without giving them a look.

Tanjirou had dismissed your attitude completely but Inosuke on the other hand didn’t actually like that you were alone with the blond idiot. seeing you alone with him triggered the anger he hadn’t felt since his previous relationship.

Inosuke sat down to watch the two of you to see if his feelings remained the same and they did. you would laugh at whatever dumbass comment Zenitsu would say and each time, Inosuke would feel his hand clench.

it was until you and Zenitsu finally finished what the two of you were doing when Inosuke dragged you to the kitchen to eat whatever Tanjirou made. you were caught a bit off guard but didn’t question him.

“the food is really good,” you told Tanjirou as he gave you a thank you, “would either you or Zenitsu be able to drive me back home? I let Nezuko drive my car today since her car is in the shop and she isn’t out of work yet.”

before their boys could respond, Inosuke immediately grabbed the keys from the kitchen counter, “I’ll take you,” he told the two boys as they backed off from the offer.

the rest of dinner remained relatively silent until you told Inosuke you had to head home. he nodded and grabbed the keys once again as he opened the door for you.

you hopped into the passenger seat and waited for Inosuke get himself situated. you could tell that he was a bit upset about something but you learned that unless something was really bothering him, he wouldn’t tell you.

once he pulled up into your drive way, you were about to leave when he grabbed your wrist. you were a bit taken back by the action but let him do what he wanted.

he slowly brought you in for a kiss on the cheek which made your face go warm immediately. you stared at him with in surprise before he muttered a single word into your ear.

“mine.”

ALITA

#demon slayer #demon slayer imagine #demon slayer x reader #inosuke hashibira #inosuke hashibira imagine #inosuke hashibira x reader #kimetsu no yaiba #kimetsu no yaiba imagine #kimetsu no yaiba x reader #anime #anime imagine #anime x reader #anime x you #kny #kny imagine #kny x reader

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captkirkland · 3 years

Text

Alright, so some Arthur Kirkland headcanons from me per @shithole-state’s request:

Arthur is genuinely such a complicated guy that it’s hard to really.. quantify him easily in words, I think. At times, he can seem like the complete antithesis of himself, and it’s not like he does that specifically on purpose, but there are certainly things he does do to throw people off about him.

Firstly, to me he’s.. a very small man. Like 5’4”-5’6”. Not that this is bad, but it makes his life even more complicated because people tended not to take him seriously when he was younger. It was a quick and harsh realization that he needed to harden himself against a sharp world that’d run him through if he didn’t.

Having grown up the way he did, the youngest of four brothers, who (in the canon I usually write from full of my own hcs,) had to deal with quite a lot of bullshit from them and his father during his upbringing. He looks more like Britannia than Celt of course, but that is for some very specific reasons. (Cough. The saxons being such a big part of early English history. Cough. Those were Germanic, not Celtic.) Often times I feel like he was the subject of bullying, considering those very early on English traumas, and I don’t really feel like he ever came across a genuine way to express himself. Emotionally, he’s stunted as hell, and he doesn’t preform in very healthy ways in regards to himself.. which.. y’know, eventually did come out in the way he treated others. He was a magic user, a witch, which obviously did not work very well with the sharp rise of Christianity, Catholicism, and Protestantism— and really that only made things so much worse.

I have a very specific view of how the personified nations behaved compared to how the governments of certain times did, because I absolutely believe that sometimes the countries, as their own people, did not agree with their bosses all the time! How could they? Their own people are getting hurt, the people of their friends, family. They are severely impacted by the wants of the people they represent, the land they call themselves— so of course they’d dissent. That comes out a lot in my specific canon with my friends a lot because we like to merge the 2Ps, Nyos, and even 2P Nyos into the canon verse to get a wider view of history. But, saying that, I fully believe that pirate Arthur specifically had a moment in time where he was.. literally a pirate. Against the East India Company, thieving, fighting, what have you. It was short lived, but he’d been a privateer and a sailor much longer, the literal pirate bit was towards the end when he started disagreeing hard with his own actions and the actions of his nation as a whole. I mean, how could a dude colonized to fuck and back very PERSONALLY entirely agree with that? But there was a part of his head that wanted land, wanted people in his “family.” It wasn’t right or okay, but at the start.. the idea of an empire didn’t seem so bad to him. It’d just be people in a family. Even if it’s a little hard, families are hard. Plus, it gave him such a rush and surge of power. What could be so bad about it? Which.. is the thought process that lead to a lot of self loathing during those lapses of (coined term with my friends) “country brain,” where he could make out what what going with those affected humans and what was actually happening. He started drinking then more than ever before, and it’s really never gone away.

He takes the harder roads of English history I think, out of some wish to keep Oliver from having to deal with that, believing he’s a touch more steeled than the other. Though, granted, it’s a thought in folly. A lot of his thoughts of himself are skewed, which really plays into how he behaves. He doesn’t care for people knowing his real feelings, hardening himself against prying eyes with an anger and a pissy face he’s had ever since his childhood. He hates the thought of being belittled and ruled, yet for a bit that’s what he did to people. He’s a hypocrite, and the worst part is that he knows it. He hates so much about himself, and yet even that twists himself because he has to carry himself highly. Nobody can hurt him if he does it first, and nobody can hurt him if he makes himself untouchable. So, he comes off narcisstic at times, probably because he is one after so many years. There’s so much going on in his head that’s unchecked, and he’s too prideful and staid in his ways to get it looked into on his own. Sometimes it all becomes too much though, and that’s when he has almost visceral breakdowns and has lapses in sanity (Britannia Angel, anyone?) before it all snaps back and he’s embarrassed about even carrying himself that way. These days he needs to have a more gentle nature outwardly, because that’s what’s been deemed as appropriate. He needs to be a gentleman in front of everyone, but especially both those he hurt, those who are afraid, or those who would judge him harshly if he didn’t. However, the facade is absolutely shatterable. There’s so many cracks in it sometimes that it confuses people sometimes about what kind of person he is. Dude had a huge one during the rock movement, which is incidentally where he gained back quite a bit of actual confidence in his own personal abilities, which is why I think his guitar is so damn important to him. But he also was partaking in quite a bit back then, the man has a real problem with addiction, but these days he’s cut back on mostly everything but smoking and drinking. unfortunately you can’t take the bottle out of his hand, or the music out of his head no matter what it sounds like! (sea SHANTIES) but all in all I find the man absolutely fascinating just because he is so diverse as a person on his own. This doesn’t even touch on the fact that he feels responsible for most of the world and is willing to absolutely lay down his life for the people he cares about either. There is just so much I could say about him, like he was a knight once! he loves high fantasy, he plays dnd! the list goes on, he’s such a complex person because the life he’s lead has been so— but at the end of the day he’s at home watching the bake off and doing needlework and I absolutely can’t stand him LOL

#hetalia #hws england #iggy rambles #iggy writes #I love the Kirkland family so much don’t look at me. please don’t look #I even made them a tartan bro #that’s what’s on Scotland’s kilt in the one pic #if I get thoughts together better on alistair I’ll write one of these for him too

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sunshinesukuna · 4 years

Text

lemon detergent

pairing: tsukishima x reader

tw: fighting, injuries (bruises), light swearing

wc: 1.7k

genre: angst to fluff

ayyy catch me plagiarizig my own work. eh, miya atsumu can rot anyways. im sorry if this is bad, i haven’t given you guys writing for over a week and my people-pleasing ass rushed to give you guys some content ahhhhh. éñÿwâÿś, enjoy <333

Three strikes and you’re out. For each of you, so technically that was six strikes, but the two of you never debated the technicalities of it. Not like you had time to, with a hectic schedule as third-year students and athletes. Him chucking volleyballs into the air, and you chucking yourself up in the air in the wondrous sport known as cheerleading.

He’s already waiting for you in your usual spot behind the gym. God forbid anyone see the two of you together unless it was a life-or-death situation. Hinata would grow at least a feet before that would ever happen. At least that was easy when you were dating someone like him. Being in different classes, different teams, houses on the opposite sides of town. You wondered when you would actually be close to him both emotionally, and physically.

Now that you’re closer, you can smell him for real. The tang of lemon detergent that his mom loves and clean sweat can only mean it’s Tsukishima. You stand in front of him wordlessly, eyes expectant for something. Well, something other than the forlorn look in his eyes that he’s giving you.

“I don’t think I can come to your house after school tomorrow,” he says. There it is. You were totally expecting that this would come at some point during the year, but you didn’t expect it to come this soon. You’re still disappointed anyways.

“It’s the third time you’ve bailed out on me this week alone, Kei,” you complain. He puts a finger to his lips at the sound of your quickly rising voice. “I barely see you at school outside of the gym!”

“And I told you, I’m practicing. It’s not like I’m cheating or anything.” Certainly feels like you are, you want to say. But it’s best if you keep those words in the back of your head.

“For what? Nationals aren’t for two more months!” He breaks eye contact with you, opting to stare at the tree at the edge of the road.

"Practice makes perfect.”

“But you shouldn’t overwork yourself this much! Even I take breaks from cheerleading every now and then to come to support you at your games!”

“(Y/N), I think you’re misjudging how important the Interhigh is to Karasuno. If we lose—”

“I know how important the match is, Kei. But there’s a difference between giving it your all and giving it too much.” You pause, taking a long breath. “Even cheerleaders don’t break our backs trying to reach new heights.”

Tsukishima sighs before putting his hands back into his pocket. He furrows his eyebrows.

“What would you know about it? Cheerleading isn’t a real sport anyway.”

Words cut deep like knives. Tsukishima’s don’t. They hit you like a bag of bricks all at once.

The pang in your chest isn’t just from his words, it’s from his indifference. His eyes giving you that blank stare as he brushes off everything important to you. His hands staying still in his pockets as he talks to you, like you’re not even worthy of his attention.

“What?”

And thus the standoff begins.

First is the lunch line. You think waiting for food while hungry is hard? Try waiting for food when you’re hungry and have Tsukishima Kei looming over behind you. You’re about to plant your feet down in the floor when you’re finished, waiting for him to finish up, but you remember that you have no one to wait for.

So you briskly pick up your tray and move to a table where you spot some of your friends from cheer sitting. His eyes twitch at your figure walking so easily away from him. But it’s not like you would notice.

Second is the hallway. Your heart clenches a bit when you spot Yamaguchi around the corner, because you know who’s going to be next to him. You can already smell the lemon detergent from here.

His eyes burn through his glasses when you walk by. The usual glance and smile is thrown out in exchange for… nothing. Your eyes look straight forward at the end of the hall, where your classroom is. Frustration rolls off of him in waves so intense you can practically smell them, like a disruption in his lemon detergent-scented aura.

No matter, that means it’s working, right? He’ll fess up sooner enough.

But what was it again? Three strikes and you’re out. The third strike comes later at practice.

You really should have thought this out even further. The damaged piping in the gym the cheerleading team usually used meant that they had to share with someone. And who else to share a gym with than the Karasuno Men’s Volleyball Team?

So here you are, stuck at one side of the gym while you can feel Tsukishima’s eyes on you from the other side. The routine starts off well. The first stunts all hit, with none of the same wobblings that was there in the first few weeks of learning it.

And there it was. The throw was already crooked from the beginning. If you couldn’t reach the other flyer’s hand, then you were done for. In a last attempt to save the pyramid, you flung out your legs, trying to land on your feet.

Bad move.

Your knee landed on something— but it wasn’t your teammates’ hands that were ready to catch you. A spike of pain shot up your foot. Suddenly the world was a blur as skin-coloured blobs that could only be your teammates rushed to help you. The lights above were reduced to sparkles that were just too bright.

The buzzing in your ears was enough to block out the sounds coming in, but you could hear snippets of conversation here and there.

“Was that (Y/N)?”

“She landed on her knee!”

“It looks bruised….”

On your knee, eh. So that was why the fire was all concentrated on your patella. The sweat on your hands wouldn’t let you regain your balance. You slump down with your back to the floor, hands over your face to block out what little pain you could, but the faucet of liquid fire trickled down your knee to no end.

“May I help?” someone asked in a low baritone voice. You assumed that your coach said yes because you felt yourself being lifted in the air off the mat. The nape of your neck was wet, either from your sweat or this person’s.

This person was strong too. They walked briskly and easily across the halls of Karasuno, even with a body in their hands. But their heart rate was abnormally fast. They probably had been exercising.

You dare to open your eyes. All you see are pools of purple and white, obscured by the residual tears in your eyes. It could be anyone. But as your senses focused, hints olive and green came into the image. Your sense of smell was also starting to refocus as well. Lemon detergent, deodorant, and rubber.

Lemon detergent…

You opened your eyes as widely as you could. It was Tsukishima. Face unmoving and eyes showing no sign of emotion, but anyone could feel a sense of emergency with his rushed steps and the way he clicked his tongue anytime anyone stood in his way.

The scent of sharp disinfectants replaced the lemon detergent as you were put down on a soft bed. You winced at the new position you were put in, your weight crashing down on your lower body yet again.

“It hurts...” you squeak out, every word another rope squeezing your chest flush out of air.

“It does. It hurts like a bitch, doesn’t it?”

That’s enough to set your heart at ease, if only a little. No sappy words to shoo away the pain by pretending it isn’t real, just a concise confirmation that what you’re feeling is real. And somehow, that’s just enough.

Tsukishima works quickly and quietly, adjusting the ice packs where needed. Whenever you wince or gasp in pain, he’s quick to rub a long, lanky finger over the purple parts of the bruise that doesn’t have ice covering it. It still hurts like a bitch, but at least the pain is only physical.

The emotional ones are just beginning to heal.

The 10 by 10 room is sealed — door locked, windows bolted — but it still feels like the two of you are in front of a gargantuan stage, packed to the brim with people watching you. Or is it just because the only audience you have are one another?

“I’m sorry for saying cheerleading wasn’t a sport,” he mutters. Your hearing has started to sharpen again by now.

“What?”

“I’m sorry for brushing off your advice, and belittling something you love,” he says again, Tsukishima’s tone much clearer now. His words ring like a gong in your head.

The throbbing in your knee seems to lessen with every word he says. The longer he talks, the more the fire in your feet seem to subside. Were those his words going to your head, or the gentle massages he was giving your knees as he talked?

“You don’t have to accept my apology. I can wait until you do. But… I know I did something wrong. And I intend to fix it.”

“I’ll accept your apology,” you say. On several conditions.”

His head perks up, eager to hear what you’ll have him do in order to restore things back to the way they were. Scratch that, in order to make things better. Like hell he’ll ignore you again if it leads to something like this.

“What are they?” Tsukishima.

“I know you’re practicing really hard and all that, but can you spend some more time with me?” you ask. “You don’t have to spend that much time, just… enough so it actually feels like we’re dating?”

“Weren’t we already?”

“You know what I mean.”

Tsukishima takes a long breath. He stays silent for a long time, the only noise in the room the sound of ice against ice as he moves to take another icepack for your knee.

“Alright. Anything else?”

The idea you have is silly. But it couldn’t hurt to give it a try. What’s the worse that could happen?

“Buy me some of the detergent you use.”

#tsukishima x reader #tsukishima kei #haikyuu x reader #tsukishima angst #tsukishima fluff #tsukishima kei x reader #haikyuu angst #haikyuuwritersnet #haikyuu fluff #tsukishima oneshots #tsukishima scenarios #tsukki #silent treatment

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sparkleswritings · 4 years

Note

Hello! I know I made a request before, but I love your writing so much and I hope I can make another request. :D Up to you if you wanna do both or just pick either of the two! Can I please request for 65 + 177 + 200 from List 6? Kakashi x fem reader please. Ahhh thank you so much!

Okay this turned out a little challenging to write, I went through so many versions and drafts for it! Only because the prompts you chose were so perfect and I didn't want to mess them up >~<

This was originally very angsty but...I just couldn't bring myself to write angst throughout, I'm weaakk

I love your requests, thank you for sending them in! I hope you enjoyed ♡

Also! Special thanks to my lovely beta readers: @tachibrii @tiny93soo @titaniabuck

Love Me Not

Prompt: (they were too long to list, I put them in bold!)

Word count: 1,583

Tags: Slight angst, Fluff

Whenever he was around you, he'd always feel as if he were at the edge of a cliff. Just a little push and that was it. Ever since getting to know you, he would feel himself gravitating towards you, wanting to just be in your presence a little longer, a little more. It was out of his control.

And that's what made it dangerous.

It made things a little complicated. Kakashi knew he had feelings for you, he knew he wanted to be much more than just a colleague in your eyes. But then again, he wasn't ready.

He wasn't ready to let someone in that way, not after everything he'd gone through. After losing so many people he cared about, it really did take a toll and he wasn't quite sure if he was ready to take that risk with you.

But he should really stop overthinking about this. Sure you've gone on dates and he was on the receiving end of your lovely cheek kisses, but nothing was ever official. Perhaps this was just a fling that wouldn't last long, and he really did hope so. You deserve someone who could return your feelings better than he ever could.

So when he heard those words tumble out from your mouth one day, out of the blue, Kakashi panicked. Maybe a little more than he should.

"Kashi, what's wrong?" the warm smile slipped from your face as you watched him go rigid, his eyes slightly widened in...fear? Dread? Confusion? You weren't quite sure.

That was definitely not the reaction you had been hoping for, nor the reaction you expected. He was quiet for a while before standing up, saying he had somewhere to be. He didn't even falter, just throwing you that close eyed smile of his as if nothing happened.

His facade was excellent.

"Kakashi," you called out to him, hoping he'd stay long enough to hear what you had to say, "I didn’t tell you that I love you because I wanted to hear it back. I told you because I needed you to know.”

And with that, you went back to sipping at your tea, the seat across you now empty.

He had always preferred showing his affections through his actions, no matter how subtle they'd be, so you had assumed that he didn't know how to respond to what you said. After everything he's been through, you can only imagine how scary it'd be to love again. But you hoped that if you gave him enough time, he'd be ready to accept your heart.

Then again, it's been four days and your worriedness just kept piling. Was he going to cut you off without saying anything? Did you spook him that badly?

You confided in Kurenai, telling her how horribly the date ended, and how you had regretted saying those words to him. You should have taken his feelings into consideration and now you felt selfish.

"Don't blame yourself, Kakashi is just being...indecisive," she said.

"But what if I was mistaken? Now I'm starting to doubt we ever had anything between us at all. What if I was the only one who got carried away?"

The red-eyed woman sighs, placing her hands on your shoulders so she could catch your gaze.

"Everyone who's seen the two of you knows that that isn't true. He loves you, you know? He's just afraid of admitting it." She releases her grip before slinging her kunai pouch across her hips.

"The man's emotionally stunted, and maybe even scarred. Personally, I was surprised to see him receiving affection from you like that."

Well she was right, but as time passed by you realised that he just didn't know how to respond to such things. You found it a little adorable but right now, it was frustrating.

"Anyway, it's about time for me to leave for my mission, tell me if he contacts you while I'm gone."

Once again, you were alone in the room, the warm sunlight that filtered in through the windows combined with your overworked mind began to make you feel drowsy.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

You rubbed sleep from your eyes, trying to find the source of that obnoxious, persistent sound, only to find someone crouching outside of your window.

None other than Kakashi Hatake himself.

You didn't know whether to be excited or worried. After four days he suddenly shows up on your windowsill. Was he going to pretend he never heard what you had said, or will he have an answer ready for you?

"What is it?" you asked, looking up at him. His body towered over you, blocking the sun that has ever so slightly begun to set.

"My, four days of not speaking and that's the first thing you came up with?"

"Don't get sassy with me Hatake." You flicked his chest. "I was worried."

He gave you a small chuckle that didn't match the emotion he held in his eyes. Whether it was a good or a bad thing, you could only guess that you were about to find out.

He beckoned you to follow him and you obliged silently. Somehow you had a bad feeling about this, but you were just going to have to go along and trust him.

The spot he had taken you to was scenic, a wooden bridge with red railings. Behind it, the sun was a brilliant orange, casting ribbons of light and shadow around you, bouncing off the waters of the peacefully running stream below.

This was such a nice place and you wonder why you had never even seen it before.

You were expecting him to say something, anything, but he only gave you silence, staring off into whatever was in front of him. You were growing a little anxious.

"Y/N," he finally spoke, turning around so he could face you.

"Yes?" It was a challenge to keep your voice steady but you lifted your head to face him.

"I think," he began, "I think it would be best for our...relationship to remain professional. Or at the very least platonic, if you'd be okay with that."

The way he said it so easily made the weight of the words settle in much slower, but when it did, you turned your back on him as to hide your eyes that had turned glassy.

You took a deep breath, pushing your weight onto the railings before giving off a sigh. You weren't surprised, just disappointed. On the way here, you had been running through worst case scenarios in your head, this was one of them.

"So, you took me to such a nice place to break my heart hm? What a gentleman." you said. "I knew it...it was because of what I said wasn't it? I thought you just needed more time but I guess you just didn't feel the same."

"That's not it," his firm tone surprised you. He was being so indifferent about the whole thing you were sure it was just because he didn't think the connection you shared was real.

"It's not because I don't feel the same way, Y/N. I'm not going to go too deep into it but I just wanted to break it off cleanly. You deserve closure."

Did he just return your feelings and break them at the same time? You wanted to laugh, he was the only one who could make you feel that way and now he was slipping away from you like sand.

You guessed that your fear of losing him caused you to snap.

“You’re a coward, Kakashi. You hide away this entirely different part to yourself all because you’re afraid that someone might get close to you! You’re afraid that someone might just care about you more than you think you deserve. That - that isn’t fair," you choked. You hated that you were the only one getting so emotional but what did you expect? Him to break down crying and begging you to stay? Not a chance.

"You're right," he said.

Surprised, you looked up at him once more, your vision a bit blurry from the tears.

"I'm afraid that I don't deserve you and nothing you say will ever change my mind."

He looked like he wanted to come closer, but like you said, his facade was excellent. His walls were tall and you had failed to climb them.

"You don't need to deserve my feelings, I just think you're uncertain," you walked up to him, pleased that he didn't run away the moment your palm touched his cheek.

"Uncertain about love and what comes with it...I understand why you feel that way. But I really do love you Kakashi," your voice dropping to a whisper at the end.

"I will wait for you, until you're completely sure about what you're doing, because frankly, I can't accept your decision right now."

"What?"

"I'm saying that I don't agree with the break up."

"Excuse me?" Kakashi held your hand away from his face, a glint back in his eye. He looked as if he wanted to burst out laughing.

"You heard me. I'm going to change your mind even if it kills me."

He had been so sure he had to let you go then and there but god you were making this very hard for him.

"I'm taking that as a challenge," he said, stepping a little closer to you, enough to make you a tad breathless.

"Bring it."

#naruto #naruto shippuden #kakashi hatake #hatake kakashi #kakashi hatake imagines #kakashi x reader #kakashi hatake x reader #naruto reader insert #self inserts #your wish has been granted!#i hope you liked it <3

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kingexpl0sionmurder · 4 years

Text

Just Want You More... - Todoroki Shouto

Author: @kingexpl0sionmurder Pairing: Shouto Todoroki/F!reader Rating: 16+ Warnings: Profanity, angst, sadness Words: 1,809 Prompt: “it's 2 am, i know that, but i need you..." "I’m sorry, but i can't go to you anymore, you know that." Take this as you will! write it how you see it. incorporate the quote somehow, even just a piece of it! NO HAPPY ENDINGS! >:D AN: This is a part of the bnharem server collab for April! Make sure you check out everyone else’s contributions! Masterlist for this collab is HERE. Buy me a KoFi?

--- You eyed the empty wine bottle and the red plastic solo cup sitting on your bedside table with a pang of regret. You hadn’t meant to get this drunk, but here you were. Your head and tongue felt heavy as you sighed, rolling back over, your gaze falling on the too cold side of the bed that had once been occupied by him. Your own personal space heater and ice pack all rolled into one.

It had been months since he’d last slept beside you, your face pressed against the hard planes of his chest, his fingers tracing patterns along your back, his steady even breathing lulling you to sleep. You thought about his heterochromatic eyes and his soft smile, the cute look of confusion that crossed his face whenever he took something literally, the low timbre of his voice when he told you he loved you. These were the things that kept you up at night, and the reason you had drowned your sorrows in a cheap-ass bottle of wine on a Tuesday.

Your chest ached when you thought about him. You missed him. You’d spent so much time trying to figure out what had caused this thing between the two of you to end.

Things were good, so good. You were happy and you thought he was too. But he started working longer hours and coming home less, making excuses and canceling plans. Your perfect relationship was unraveling at the seams, and you were scrambling to figure out where it had all gone wrong.

Everything finally came crashing down around you when you’d stayed up late to confront him. Months of being pushed onto the back burner had begun to take its toll on you. You’d tried to talk to him about it several times, wanting to quell the sinking feeling in your chest that he had fallen out of love with you, but your requests to speak with him were met with half-hearted apologies and broken promises.

You waited for him in your moonlit bedroom, the telltale click of the lock on the front door letting you know he’d come home. It was 2 am, your breath catching when you heard his soft footsteps coming down the hall.

He seemed surprised to see you awake, his mouth open slightly in shock as you sat upright against the headboard, your arms folded across your chest.

“I didn’t expect you to be awake.” He said quietly, pausing in the doorframe.

“Where have you been, Shouto?” You said coolly, your heart hammering in your chest.

He sighed, walking into the bedroom and busying himself with emptying his pockets onto the dresser, his back to you as he began to get dressed for bed. “Working.”

“You always seem to be working lately. Sometimes I wonder if you forget I’m even here.”

“I’m a hero, Y/N. People need me around the clock, I don’t get to take off whenever I feel like it.” His voice was clipped, annoyance creeping into his tone. “I can't just drop everything-“

“I’m not asking you to. All I’m asking for is for you to make some time for me.” You blinked back the tears gathering in your eyes. “It’s almost like you’d rather be anywhere else but here.”

His shoulders tensed, and you watched as he changed into a pair of sweatpants, your eyes drifting over his muscled back and he pulled his shirt over his head. He didn’t reply, but you felt the heat of his glare when he turned to face you briefly before walking off towards the bathroom and shutting the door behind him.

You sighed, sliding under the covers and laying down, your hands coming up to rub your eyes tiredly. You assumed your conversation with him was done with since he’d walked out in the middle of it. You turned on your side so you didn’t have to see him when he came to bed and closed your eyes. Your heart was broken, and you tried not to think about it, unable to stop the tears from falling down your face. You sniffled quietly, willing yourself to calm down before he saw how upset you were.

You listened to the water running and the sound of Shouto brushing his teeth. A few minutes later the door opened and the bathroom light clicked off. The mattress dipped as he got into bed, his breath huffing as he got comfortable on his side. The space between your bodies felt miles wide, and it made you cry harder. You shoved your fist in your mouth to keep yourself from making a sound.

“Why are you crying?” He asked from behind you, but he made no move to turn and comfort you.

“I’m not.” You managed, swallowing thickly and trying to calm yourself down.

He sighed. “You’re lying. Go to sleep, Y/N.”

Your sadness turned to anger again. Sitting up abruptly, you glared at the back of his head. “You don’t even care, Shouto. You don’t care that you’ve shut me out of your life, that you’re pushing me away. I’m so tired of trying and getting nowhere with you. What the hell happened to us?”

“Nothing happened.” He rolled on his back and gazed at you. “You’re overreacting.” He wore a bored expression, one that you’d seen on his face a million times when you’d argued with him before. He wasn’t the best at expressing his emotions or saying how he was feeling, and it made your blood boil.

“I’m overreacting? At least I’m telling you how I feel instead of bottling it up. You make me feel like I’m insane sometimes.” You swiped at your eyes with your fingers to wipe away the tears that were pouring out of them. “I can't live like this anymore.”

He stared at you, emotionless as usual. “That’s fine. You won’t have to. I’ll leave tomorrow.”

You opened your mouth to reply, but quickly shut it when he rolled over again away from you. You didn’t really mean it, you just wanted him to talk to you, to tell you what he was thinking. He wasn’t being serious, was he?

When you woke in the morning to get ready for work, he’d already left. And when you came home that afternoon, his things were gone.

You called him over and over, leaving him voicemails, texting him. He never replied.

When your shaky hands picked up your phone and clicked on his contact name, you didn’t expect him to answer.

“Hello?”

You drew in a breath, your eyes closing as you held back tears. “Shouto?”

“Y/N? Is everything okay?”

You wanted to laugh. “No.”

“Are you hurt? What’s going on?” The panic in his voice was foreign to you. After all these months of your desperate attempts to reach him, why did he pick up now?

“It’s 2 am, I know that, but…” You closed your eyes. “I need you.”

You heard him huff an annoyed breath. “Have you been drinking?”

You ignored him. “I don’t understand what I did wrong.”

“Y/N…”

“I loved you. I still love you. I never stopped. I just missed you, and it was like you were getting further and further away from me and I…” You trailed off, trying to gather your thoughts. “I just wanted to feel like you needed me as much as I needed you.”

He sighed. “This was all my fault. You didn’t do anything wrong I just…” He paused like he was trying to find the words. “I pushed you away. This is all on me, okay? I don’t want you to blame yourself.”

“Come over…”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t.” He breathed out and sniffled. “It’s not good for you. You need to move on, Y/N.”

“I don’t-“

“I’m never going to be able to be what you need. I need to work on some things...I just didn’t want to drag you down with me.” You heard the sound of shuffling on his end, the sheets on a bed that you’d never shared and probably never would. “If I come over there now it will only make things worse.”

“You’re being selfish.”

“I’m doing you a favor.” You were both quiet, listening to each other breathing.

“It doesn’t feel like a favor.”

He took a deep breath. “You know I’m not very good at...talking about this stuff.”

You knew he was emotionally stunted. It wasn’t a secret that his home life growing up was less than stellar. He seemed to have had made peace with what happened to him, and was cordial with his father even though he didn’t deserve it. He always strived to be better than him, he had promised you he would show you all the love and care his father had never shown him or his siblings or his mother, that he refused to become what he hated.

But the fact that he grew up without a good example of a healthy, loving relationship was apparent in the way he treated yours.

You hiccuped, your words slurring slightly. “What were you so afraid of? Why did you push me away?”

“You’re drunk, I’m not talking to you about this-”

“Shouto Todoroki, you’re a coward! You were so afraid to open up to me and let me fucking love you-” You swallowed, closing your eyes again as the room started spinning. “Fuck you.”

“Y/N-”

“No, you don’t get to talk anymore!” You cut him off again, feeling your heart clenching painfully in your chest. “I wish I didn’t love you. I wish I was over this.” You were quiet for a moment, your breathing ragged. “You broke my heart, you know.”

He didn’t say anything, but you could hear him breathing on the line.

“I shouldn’t have called you, but I miss the way it used to be before you got all in your head thinking you weren’t enough for me, or whatever dumbass excuse you’re going to feed me. I don’t want to hear it.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” He said finally, his voice low and defeated.

Tired of his repeated apologies that were getting you nowhere, you sighed. “Me too.”

You hung up, throwing the phone aside and turning your face into the pillows. You tried to breathe deeply, to hold back the tears that had been streaming down your face steadily since you heard his voice again after so long.

It felt like closure though, finally knowing that you weren’t to blame. He was fucked up. There was nothing you could do to fix that, not anymore. It was out of your hands the moment he left.

But a part of you still clung to the hope that someday when you called him like this in the middle of the night and asked him to come over, he would say yes.

#shouto todoroki #shouto todoroki x reader #bnharem collab #shoto todoroki #shoto todoroki x reader #todoroki shouto #todoroki shoto #todoroki shouto x reader #todoroki shoto x reader #mha #mha x reader #bnha #bnha x reader #kingexpl0sionmurder writes

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tae-cup · 4 years

Text

Candle | MYG Oneshot

Inspired by: Cavetown’s “Candle”

Pairing: Min Yoongi x Reader

Summary: You met him at the lowest point in your life. He was your candle, your light, and he helped you fly to the clouds.

Warnings: TRIGGER WARNING (I write my emotions and my dark thoughts, I write my pain and sturggles, but please don’t hurt yourself, okay? If any of you readers need to talk, please just shoot me a message. I’m a listening ear.) Angst, Hurt/Recovery Au, Depressing thoughts, Thoughts of Suicide, and last but not least Fluff, Please if you are struggling, reach out :) (HOTLINES)

Word Count: 4.3k Words

A/N: Please reach out if you’re struggling. I understand because I’ve struggled with these thoughts and this is my form of release. I really don’t want to trigger anyone. I care for all my readers and I want you to know that this beginning part may be the darkest thing I’ve written in a while, but I swear to you, this has a happy ending.

Other: Masterlist

Every time I screw up I feel I've let down all my friends Stumbling through a thousand stars and neon cars break through my skull There's so much life out here in space it's crazy that we're here at all

You can skip this beginning part if you would just like to read about recovery

It seemed like running away from your problems was the only thing you could do. It wasn’t even just speculation, it was the truth, evident through many many occasions where you metaphorically and literally ran away.

The first instance would have been when you were just 10 years old. Your parents were fighting again; smashed plates, drunken screams. So you managed to slip out undetected and you ran. You ran so hard that you couldn’t breathe. Everyone at school had always spoken about how beautiful love is. How they want to fall in love, get married, maybe become famous.

But it was at this moment that you decided that love was awful. If that’s what love did to people, why would you want that? As result, you were...emotionally stunted. Rash, unreasonable, guarded.

You found yourself running again in seventh grade. Kim Seokjin gave you flowers and sheepishly asked you out. No. No. No. The words rang in your head. Love is awful. You thought as you curled into a ball. It was making you cry. And you feared the ache in your chest would never go away, a forever hole in your heart. Love hurt other people. Seokjin was hurting because of it, or maybe because of you, but your mind watered it down to it being because of love.

Throughout high school you refused to let love into your life, to even try. It wasn’t worth it to you. What was the point if you were just going to break it off anyway? Surely you would never survive college. Besides, it wasn’t like you had a line of people wanting to date you.

Then college came around and left. You spent the entire time huddled in your studies and maybe going out with friends. You still ran from your problems, your insecurities. You were terrified. Terrified that whatever unfathomable anger your parents had was also passed down to you, that you’d hurt people like they hurt each other.

It’s better this way. You thought to yourself as you returned to your empty apartment.

It’s better this way. You thought at you watched the happy couple order their coffees.

It’s better this way. You thought as you turned down a man with roses and a boxy smile.

It’s better if you don’t fuck up someone else’s life like you’ve fucked up your own. The world was a scary place and you just wanted to get by. Happiness meant nothing to you. Everything was black and white. The world felt heavy on your shoulders and you knew no one could possibly help you hold it up.

What’s the point anymore? A waste of space. Years of pushing everyone away had finally worked. Now you were alone. No new messages, no phone calls, just empty space. You were stuck in a dead end job and it wasn’t like anyone would notice if you disappeared.

You sat in the bathtub, water turning cold, knees drawn in. If you slid under, would anyone notice? Would your body even have the strength to struggle if you inhaled the soapy water? If you let it drown you?

What if you took the kitchen knife and...You shivered. No. Your subconscious whispered.

Shut up. The monster responded. The monster was dark, a curling shadow the infested your mind. It wouldn’t be long until it grew to fill all the space in your mind; every corner, every turn. Every time you locked it away, it burst back stronger than before. When would it end?

You didn’t want the pain anymore. You didn’t want to die, you just wanted it all to stop. Maybe that’s why you were in the hospital. Maybe that’s why you were now surrounded by a group of adults around your age, all dressed casually and sitting on plastic chairs in a circle.

“Mina, why don’t you go next?” The woman who ran the group smiled. Her name was slipping your mind. She had introduced herself a while ago, but you hadn’t been paying attention. Instead, your attention was on a boy you went to high school with. Min Yoongi.

The young girl known as Mina fidgeted restlessly. Her fingers curled in and out, clutching the hem of her white shirt with unease.

“I...today...” She searched for the right words. Everyone was silent, only a few people looking at the girl. The rest were either staring at the ceiling or the ground. You were trying to figure out how much long you had to stay here. You had always known you were unwell mentally, but you didn’t think it was this bad.

That was until you were brought to the hospital with blood pooling around your wrists and cold water in your hair. It hadn’t been thought out, per say, you just didn’t want to continue on, not like this. None of the people here care about what you’re saying. No one is here to listen. They want to leave as badly as you do. The monster whispered.

And you intended to leave soon. You didn’t know what you were going back to, but you didn’t want to spend three months in this place. The entire building felt like a hospital with bare rooms and the bare minimum necessities. You couldn’t even shower without someone standing in the room, back faced away from you. Your phone was taken away, but it wasn’t like anyone was contacting you.

“Today, I didn’t feel the need to, uh, you know.” Mina whispered, head tilting down. The woman smiled at her approvingly.

“That’s wonderful improvement, Mina. You’re doing so well.”

“Thank you.” The girl murmured back, every word getting quieter. You didn’t want to share, you didn’t want to let these strangers into your head, you already enough strangers in there.

“Y/N?” The woman turned to you. Her blonde hair was pulled into a crisp bun, not a hair out of place.

“Pass.” You said lamely, slumping in your seat. You could feel a heated stare from across the circle and you spotted Yoongi looking at you. He locked eyes and you had no choice but to look away out of pure discomfort.

“Okay, but please do consider opening up to the group. We’re all here to support you.” She smiled warmly, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. You knew she was getting frustrated. A full month and no improvement.

“I don’t want to, I won’t ever. I’ve handled my problems just fine before so I’d appreciate if you’d let me do that.” You snapped back. Why can’t they just understand you? See, it’s just another room of people who don’t care.

Your fingers itched to dig into the pad of your thumb. That’s how it all started, right? You went numb a long time ago, it was hopeless impassiveness.

“Please think about it.” The woman noted something onto her clipboard. She went down the list of names and tapped her pen on a name. “Yoongi?”

The male frowned and shifted uncomfortably. He had pitch black, curly hair and bangs that hung loosely in front of his face. He was like you. He hadn’t said much, but there had been a noticeable shift in how he acted. You didn’t even realize that you had been studying how he moved, how he ticked, but you realized it now. He sat up straighter, no longer lazily avoiding questions. The man even tried to interact with you a couple times, but you immediately turned him down. No one wants to be friends with a monster.

“Today...today I felt better.” Was all he said, a soft expression passing over his face before he went back to his blank expression. The woman couldn’t hide her excitement at the progress.

“That’s great, Yoongi! Keep it up and let me know if there are any issues.” She said, her voice hurried and almost giddy.

He simply nodded swiftly and went back to staring at you, or maybe the wall behind you, you couldn’t tell. Your fingers dug into the palms of your hand. Why are you the only one not making progress?

“Well, I think that’s all we have time for.” The woman looked at her watch. “Let me know if you want to talk,” She looked pointedly at you. “My door is always open.”

She seemed nice enough, just...overly excited. It came across as fake, forced, and certainly not genuine. She gathered her things and left the room, big double doors swinging behind her.

You watched her leave and when she was out of sight, you relaxed more. The others in the group got up and went to watch T.V. or play games. Yoongi and you were frozen in place. He was burning you alive with his eyes and you were trying your best to put out the flames. He slowly stood and walked over to you, standing close enough that you had no choice but to look at him.

Surprisingly, the expression he wore was not intimidating. It came across as soft, almost kind. He held out his hand and your eyes trailed to where his sleeves hitched up slightly. White lines of faded scars, scars made from sharp razors, peppered his skin. You didn’t mention it. Your arms were marked the same way.

“Y/N?”

“Hm?”

“I recognize you from high school.” He said nonchalantly. “Want to get lunch and catch up?”

“No thanks.” No. No. No. Stop trying to get close to me. You averted your eyes, but that didn’t deter him.

“Y/N.” He breathed. “Come on. I just want to get to know you better.”

“No you don’t.” You bit back, hands clenching into fists.

“But I do. And if I cared about the dark thoughts in your head or the twisted caverns of your mind, we both wouldn’t be here.”

It was weird to hear someone describe their mind to you. You had always thought of your mind as a house and your bedroom where you slept had the worst demon. To hear him see his mind as caverns, twisting tunnels, and a maze, it was...informative. He’s lost. You’re trapped. One in the same.

“No thank you.” You repeated. “I’m going to my room to read.” You stood abruptly and left.

But he just doesn’t give up. It was actually a weird attribute for someone in the position you’re in right now, but you didn’t think much of it. He asked you every single day. No. No. No.

And one day, he wore you down. When he took your hand in his and led you to the cafeteria, you realized how much you craved physical affection. It made you feel out of control. And you dropped his hand like you were burned. You’re not supposed to let people get this close. Getting attached is stupid, what if you hurt them?

Yet, when you sat down with him and began talking about life, you could physically feel a weight pulling off your chest. You didn’t know when he took your hand, you didn’t realize, that he had rushed forward and taken some of the weight for himself. He dedicated his shoulders to help you hold your pains as well, he reached out and he cared. He cared for the girl he’d been obsessed with since high school.

It was a shock to see you in the same place as him. Why didn’t he see the signs? A question he would ask himself for a long time.

You couldn’t laugh. You physically couldn’t bring yourself to do it, even if you found something hilarious. It was like your chest was weighted down, refusing to do anything other than keep you alive and breathing. A month passed of sitting at lunch with Yoongi and then running to get as far away from him as possible. You’re getting sloppy. You thought, was it your thoughts or the monster’s? Perhaps you were the same person now.

It was after lights out. The hallways were dark, dead silent. You didn’t want to sleep. You couldn’t. You had another month and then you could leave, but they could sign a few papers and force you to stay if they didn’t think you were better. You couldn’t even remember what it was like to feel better. What is it like to feel anything? Your arms hung off your bed as you sprawled out on the single bed. There was a knock. The door was always unlocked, but everyone usually respected each other’s space.

“Yes?” You didn’t question who it was, you knew.

The door softly opened and then closed. In the darkness, your eyes struggled to see the outlines of him, but with how he was standing you knew it was Yoongi.

“Hey. How are you?” He murmured, he walked forward and plopped onto the ground in front of your bed. You didn’t turn to face him.

“I’m stuck in this place, what do you think?”

“You can talk to me, you know?”

“I don’t want to talk, god, everyone just wants me to spill all of my life to them. Why can’t you just leave me alone?” You said harshly, your voice hushed as to not be heard by the staff.

Again, Yoongi was not deterred. He stood and walked to your bedside. You turned your head to look at him. He crouched and took your hand in his. The moonlight filtered through the small window, illuminating his face and eyes that glowed in the darkness. He was staring at you and you felt your breath hitch. No. You wanted to look away but you were transfixed. Look away, goddamnit. No one wants to know your shit. But his warm hand didn’t stray from yours. You thought back to the cafeteria, all the small smiles of encouragement he gave you, the happy memories he was beginning to create.

But you don’t deserve those happy memories. You don’t deserve-

“Want to see the stars with me, Y/N?”

Your train of thought halted. He smiled a little, eye glinting. You craned your neck to look out the small window, but at this angle it was impossible to see much except black.

“I’m not sure if they exist anymore.” You whispered, eyes locking with him. He squeezed your hand.

“They do, and you deserve to see them.”

Stop, what are you doing? The monster hissed.

I’m not sure anymore. A new voice whispered. The monster was taken aback by a small light, small as a matchstick, floating into the room. All I need is a candle to light this place up. The matchstick whispered in your ear.

You nodded blankly, standing up and following him out the door, voices forgotten.

“Yoongi?”

“Hm?” He doesn’t look at you.

You’re currently both sprawled side by side, arms and legs splayed like you’re making snow angels. Your eyes are taking in the sight above. The Milky Way shines in a brilliant streak across the sky. The stars are littering the darkness like flashlights twinkling on and off.

“It’s beautiful.” You breathe softly. All that’s there is the sound of the trees rustling around the building’s rooftop.

“I know.”

There’s a beat of silence. Then the gravel shifts underneath him as he turns over on his side to look at you.

“Tell me what happened.” He whispered. You shifted over to look at him as well.

“You don’t want to know. The things inside my head,” you paused, letting your eyes shut and a breath escape. “They’re monsters. And I can’t tell the difference between me and them.”

He nodded, holding eye contact. He reached over and interlaced your fingers with his.

“I think if people knew my thoughts, they’d run. So I do the job for them.” You relented, the walls slowly cracking. He had shared so much of himself with you, you felt the need to let him have a piece, but you didn’t want the whole dam to break.

“You’re not a monster, and no one’s going to shut you out.” He whispered. The dam cracked, water splashing over the top as it filed beyond capacity.

“My parents fought a lot and I fear their anger is in my genes. I refuse to hurt people.” You whispered, suddenly sitting up before the wall could crack further. “And that includes you.”

“Wait, Y/N!”

“Just stop, Yoongi. You’re only going to get yourself hurt.” You couldn’t even bring yourself to add anger to your words. It was just pure defeat. You were tired. So very tired.

“Y/N. You have someone here to see you?” A nurse knocked on your door. You often heard her knocking on others’ doors to say this exact line, but you never imagined it to be your own.

“Who?”

“She goes by a Mrs. Y/L/N.”

Your heart sped up.

“What?”

You followed the cheerful nurse down the hall in a daze, one foot after another. She came? She came? You ignored the gaze from Yoongi as you passed him. She came? She came? It was like a chant, a mantra. Your throat closed up at the thought of even seeing your mother. The woman who raised you, the one who made you terrified of love, but loved you endlessly. Nonsense. The monster whispered at that thought. It made you want to cry more.

She came? You turned the corner. Your eyes searched the room of visitors. It was quiet, murmurs of joy and sadness shaking from each group. Then you saw her, sitting in the back, not distracted, eyes searching for you. You can’t do this. You were shaking and the nurse paused, giving you a sympathetic smile.

“Are you alright?”

“I’m just...homesick.” The last word barely managed to get out, your mouth shutting to keep a sob inside. Your mother met your eyes and she didn’t move. You could barely breathe.

She came. You bit your lip hard to stop the tears from gathering more than needed. You were an adult. You hadn’t even spoken to her in two years, but there was no doubt that she represented your home, your childhood, years you could never relive again. You walked forward and sat in front of her.

You expected anger. Their eyes were always full of anger in your memories. Her skin was always cut from the dishes thrown to the ground. Her voice was always hoarse from the screaming; from the love that faded before her eyes, before your eyes.

You expected anger, but when you met her eyes, she was simply worried. Motherly concern written on her face. She looked you up and down.

“Mom?” Your voice was small, like a child. She stood and went to your side. She crouched and pulled you into a bone crushing hug. Her hand caressed your head, her other wrapped around your waist.

“Shhh.” She whispered, but you could feel her wet tears on the back of your shirt. You slowly let your hands come up and wrap around her as well. You pulled her in close, tears flowing quickly, a pain in your chest letting itself out. You were a child again, running from the rain and darkness, running from the things that scared you most.

Your hands scrunched up the back of her shirt as you sobbed.

“I’m sorry.” You cried out. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, It’s okay. You’re going to be okay.” She held you. She wrapped her arms around your middle and let you release tears. A language that speaks when the words just aren’t enough.

“Once you’re out of here, once you’re better, I think you should come live with us again.” She whispered.

“Why?”

“Because we love you.”

You pulled away, rubbing your nose on your sleeve.

“You don’t know what love is.” You said in disbelief, the words tumbling out before you can think. See, look at you messing up again. The words weren’t accusatory, they were spoken like the truth; the truth you had convinced yourself to believe.

“Yes, I do, Y/N.” She gently pushed back a strand of your hair, not showing any signs of pain. “Your father and I fought a lot, but we still love each other. Love is commitment. You can’t run away from it.”

“Yes you can.” You insisted. “I’ve done it my entire life.”

“Are you happy?”

Silence. You could feel the lump in your throat coming back. She came back for you. She cared. She loves you and she wants you to come home. The matchstick sung. You refused to give it a candle. You were scared. Without the darkness, who would you be? Weren’t you and the monster one in the same?

“No.” You said quietly.

“Visiting hours are over.” The nurse said over the speaker and families bid their farewells as they left.

“I think that’s telling enough.” Your mother didn’t move for a moment. Then she slowly stood, taking you with her. “Get better, please. I love you, Y/N.”

You couldn’t move as she left. You watched her leave. Always gone. The monster whispered.

But she came back for you. The matchstick said softly.

“Yoongi?”

“Hm?” He looked up from his food as you walked over. You had spent so long eating in your room, isolating yourself, but you realized you missed talking to that dork.

His eyes traced your body, a confused look on his face. You set down your tray and sat with him. Avoiding him was getting you nowhere. You glanced at his short sleeves, then to the metal knife in his hand. He’s improving. You felt self conscious, but continued.

“You don’t like carrots, why did you get them?” He asked, eyeing your plate. You knew he liked them. You got them for him. And...you couldn’t help letting out a small chuckle. The sound was foreign.

“You’re doing well.” You said quietly, ignoring his confused stare. He nodded once.

“You as well.” He didn’t smile. You wanted to see his gummy smile again. You reached over hesitantly and placed your hand on his. His eyebrows shot up.

“When are you being discharged?”

“Next week.”

“Good job.” You ignored the sinking feeling in your stomach. You’re happy for him. Really. But it made you feel weak. This entire time you were trying to be strong, to shut everyone out, but maybe real strength was working to improve yourself. You don’t have that strength. Yet, the monster’s voice was weaker and the matchstick burned brighter.

Just give me a candle and I’ll light this place up. The matchstick floated towards you. At this rate, I’ll burn up soon enough.

And you didn’t know if you would be able to recover if the matchstick burned out.

“Hey, Yoongi? Want to go see the stars tonight?”

The galaxy looked like if someone took a paint brush and smeared a streak of purple, pink, and white across a blank canvas.

“Sometimes, I think I’m just letting everyone down.” Not sometimes, all the time.

“What do you mean?”

“I chased away all my friends and everyone I cared about. Now look where I am.” You were sitting with your legs crossed while Yoongi laid down. “They probably hate me.”

“I think if you reached out, they would still want to see you.” Yoongi said carefully.

“They don’t.” You said sharply before letting out a breath. “I don’t know what I’d go back to.”

“Your friends may not love you, but they care about you, right?”

“I haven’t spoken to them in years.”

He mulled over this fact for a moment before sitting up right.

“Well you have me, and I love you. All of you.” His voice was firm and before you could speak, he wrapped his arms around you from behind, tugging you to his chest. You missed this.

“That can’t be right.” You murmured, but he heard you.

“It’s true.” He whispered, breath fanning across your neck and making you shiver.

“Why?”

“There isn’t a reason, it’s just the universe telling me something about you makes me feel right.”

You turn around and interlace your fingers with his, holding them up between you.

“Me too.”

Yoongi was gone, but you didn’t feel like a lost cause. They trusted you with metal now and you could take a shower without someone in the room. Your mind just kept going back to his number written on a crumpled up piece of paper in your pocket.

You had looked at that paper for hours, memorizing it in case you lost it. Now you stood, fingers curling and uncurling as you hesitated. The door was blue, a contrast to the white halls. The name card read Dr. Kim. So that was her name, huh? You raised your hand to knock. No. No. No.

The monster had never fought so hard. Doubt flooded your brain, filling every crevice and the matchstick was drowning. No. No. No. Then, as you were dragged into the depths of your mind, your feet turning around to go back to your room, a hand grabbed your arm and tugged you to the surface. Yoongi’s face stared back at you in the darkest corner of your mind.

He pulled you to his chest and looked you in the eye. Yes. He whispered. The candle. There it was. Warmth, a soft yellow light chasing the darkness away. The monster, shrunk away, for once smaller than the candle. You held the candle and found yourself walking back to that blue door.

Knock knock knock. The door opened to reveal Dr. Kim, the kindness in her eyes that had seemed so fake a few months ago, now comforted you. The flame burned brighter.

“Y/N?” Her disbelief was evident. “Would you like to...to talk?”

No. No. No.

“Yes, please.”

She opened the door and the flame turned into a wildfire, spreading to every corner in your darkened home. You walked in, watching the monster grow bigger, growling at you to leave. And for once...you didn’t run away.

Have the strength to push away all the pain from yesterday, Cause there's nothing worth crying about Your heart is a candle and I won't let you blow it out

#bts #bts x reader #min yoongi #suga #yoongi x reader #Candle #Oneshot #angst #fluff #tatafics #TRIGGER WARNING #Hurt/recovery au

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t4bi4-and-b4ba · 4 years

Text

Tsukishima Kei ~ Gone Too Far

Fluff & angst

You were captivating. But even that word did little to describe you. You were enthralling. Magnificent. Ethereal. Astonishing.

Even with Tsukishima’s enhanced vocabulary, he was completely stumped on how to describe you. The minute he looked at you he was simply entranced.

You carried yourself with grace and class. You walked with the utmost confidence every single day with your shoulders squared. But, even though you held yourself to such high respect, you also showed high respect to others. Which caused you to be liked by many. Nothing but compliments would fall from people’s lips when you were the topic of conversation.

You also had brains along with your beauty. You spoke with vocabulary that rivaled Tsukishima’s. In his eyes, you were the complete package as you had plenty of trophies from debate and tennis to back up your academic career tucked under your arm.

“So, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi started, causing the blonde to reluctantly tear his eyes away from your figure, “once this project that you and y/n are doing is turned in, are you finally going to ask her out like you said you would?”

Tsukishima didn’t want to babble with you merely eight feet away about how he was nervous of rejection and feeling like a total failure. Like, who was he kidding? You were out of his league. And it wasn’t like you would believe him if he did ask you out. Everyone believed that Tsukishima Kei was incapable of having real emotions.

He simply scoffed at his friend’s question, readjusting the strap of his bag on his shoulder. “Yeah, right. Like I could be seen with [first and last name] around school. Pfft! Please, don’t make me laugh, Yamaguchi.”

Yamaguchi’s eyes widened in shock at the tall man’s uncharacteristic rudeness. He knew his friend was blunt and teasing but never downright disrespectful. His eyes glanced at movement behind the blonde, his cheeks flushing slightly. “Uh, Tsukki, don’t you think you’re going a little far?”

“I could ask you the same thing from asking me that ridiculous question. Like, come on, Yamaguchi! Let’s be a bit sensible, yeah? I mean, y/n and me? Dating? What an outrageous idea to entertain.”

“Really? An outrageous idea?” asked a familiar voice.

Crap.

Tsukishima turned around so fast that his backpack almost smacked Yamaguchi across the face. The lengthy man couldn’t stop the startled expression from being revealed on his face. His golden brown eyes were wide; his pupils shaking as they took in your blank expression. He could tell that you were upset, though, as your eyes snitched on how you were truly feeling on the inside.

You took a deep breath, momentarily looking off in the distance before striking Tsukishima with a piercing stare. Despite the height difference between the two of you, the boy felt like the smaller one.

You had your arms crossed as you carefully chose your next words. “Well, we sure wouldn’t want that now would we?” A small smile stretched across your face but it did nothing to lower the flames in your e/c eyes. “Good thing we’re just partners on this project, huh? Would be absolutely revolting if we were anything more, right?” Your eyes lost a bit of their hardness, holding sadness that Tsukishima wanted to wish away. His stomach felt tight with knots.

He knew in that very moment that he went overboard. Even he knew that he was acting ruder than necessary. And the worst thing is is that you were the victim of it. You were the one who was wounded.

You didn’t know what else to say to the blonde boy standing before you. But you knew you had to say this: “Today I don’t feel well so we can resume working on this project tomorrow after school. Alright?” The question had a bit of a bite to it as you began to boil the more you stood before him. How you wished you could really say what you were thinking. How you wished to hurt him like he just did to you. To take half the knives his words stabbed you with and throw them at him with spite dripping from the blades.

But you didn’t. Like the good girl that you were, you simply internalized the hurt and anger you felt as you stood your ground with a serene expression on your face.

Tsukishima stopped looking at you as he dropped his head, looking a bit deflated but you could honestly care less if you could. How was he acting like the one hurt when you were the one he talked about in such a negative light? When all you have done was show him hospitality when he came to your house? When your mom prepared snacks and fruits for the two of you to share as you completed this project little by little? How could he really stand before you with a morose expression on his boyish face?

You didn’t bother waiting for his answer, your blood boiling at such a high rate at the moment that you knew you had to hurry yourself out of there. So, with your windbreaker thrown over your arm, and your backpack secured on both your shoulders, you turned on the toes of your heeled boots and sauntered away. Only until you exited the school did you let the first teardrops fall before the dam would completely break the minute you stepped into your bedroom.

Tsukishima, on the other hand, had to continue his day like he didn’t just coldly hurt your feelings. The tightness in his stomach didn’t loosen once as he practiced with his teammates as the image of your sad eyes haunted him.

~🌙~

The walk to Tsukishima’s house was silent and awkward. Because you were still heated from what happened yesterday, you didn’t really want to stand too close to the blonde. So you found yourself walking five steps ahead of him. In that moment, you were irritated that you were so conscious of the space between the two of you.

Tsukishima noticed instantly, but he kept his mouth shut as you knew the way to his house from the multiple visits thanks to this project, along with the fact that being close to him still angered you. So, he simply followed after you with his eyes trained on the cement under him.

Once you two arrived, you jumped right into business. You wanted this project to be done more than ever, which contradicted with the idea of you and Tsukishima taking the process one step at a time so you two could spend as much time as possible together. But for obvious reasons you couldn’t dream like that anymore.

“Okay, so, in all honesty, I think we can complete all remaining tasks today,” you stated, pulling your laptop and notebook from your bag.

Tsukishima blinked at you, his eyebrows knitted together. If yesterday never happened, you would have fought yourself from swooning. “What do you mean?”

You blinked back at him before sighing. “I mean, that we could get this project done with today. And then we have the whole weekend and Monday to ourselves and then turn it in Tuesday.”

Even though it was a dumb question to ask, Tsukishima willed himself to ask anyway. It was the only way he could think to open the conversation to address the elephant in the room. “Why do you want to hurry to get this done when we still have plenty of time?”

You looked at the man with a deadpanned expression. Like, was he messing with you? You knew he wasn’t dense so why was he acting like it now?

Tsukishima sighed heavily, closing his eyes momentarily as he gathered his thoughts. He really didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, nor talk about you in such a nasty way. Like what was he even thinking when he decided to pull that stunt with you not that far away?

He took his glasses off and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Listen, y/n. I didn’t mean to hurt you yesterday. I apologize for the way I talked about you.” He put his glasses back on, daring to look at you.

You had your arms crossed, the same blank expression on your face that you had yesterday. Your eyes, this time, didn’t give away a single hint on how you were feeling internally.

“So, what did you mean to do, Tsukishima? Huh?” You sounded tired. Worn out. Tsukishima blamed himself for that. You must be emotionally exhausted. Guilt punched him in the gut and twisted his intestines.

“I...” He inhaled deeply, averting his eyes but speaking clearly. “I was hoping to ask you out after we submitted the project in hopes of still being able to be close to you.” He saw in his peripheral vision how your head swiveled as your eyes went wide. “But I got nervous when Yamaguchi brought you up with you being so close by. I just didn’t want to risk rejection with everyone around if you so happened to overhear us. So, I went for the most toxic option known to exist. And you ended up wounded.” His golden orbs focused on you, taking in your gentle face as it no longer held coldness. “Because of my idiotic way of thinking, I hurt you when all I wanna do is care for you and protect you. And I am nothing but sorry to you, y/n.”

Your shoulders dropped, letting out a shaky breath. You never saw the man before you look so vulnerable and apologetic. Heck, you never heard this man utter such a genuine apology to anyone. All the tension and anger you have been holding since yesterday melted away before you noticed. You simply sat next to the boy you’ve always had fond feelings for, even if you were trying hard to shake them off for a day and a half.

You sighed lightly, slowly reaching for one of Tsukishima’s hand. He gave it to you with no hesitation. That warmed your heart.

You kneaded the soft flesh as you mulled over what to say next. You looked into the boy’s eyes, which glowed with hope and pleads for forgiveness. You licked your lips before parting them. “You really need to better express yourself when your nervous.”

Tsukishima looked dumbfounded by your response, completely not expecting you to say that after everything he just put on the table. But he didn’t see anything false with what you said, so he chuckled. He nodded his head as he peered back at you, a gentle smile on his lips.

You brought his hand up to your lips and gave it a sweet kiss. You brought it back down to your lap and focused your eyes back on the gentle giant’s face. It was dusted with baby pink as he let out an airy chuckle.

He then brought his free hand up and wrapped it around the back of your head. He eased you toward him, having your forehead rest against his. From this proximity, you could see the dark flecks scattered along the gold within his eyes.

“I really am sorry,” he stated in a hushed tone, wanting nothing more than to tell you how apologetic he felt.

You hummed with a growing smile on your face. You lifted your head and kissed the tip of his nose. The blush that never left his cheeks darkened as he was taken by surprised by the affectionate act. His expression softened as a lazy smile formed on his pink lips. The hand on the back of your head began to stroke your hair.

“I know,” you responded. “Let’s not make a repeat of this, yeah?”

Tsukishima shook his head, his forehead rubbing against yours. “Never.”

From then on, you two completed the project with light hearts, gentle smiles and (not so) secretive glances. You did complete the project that evening, but only because Tsukishima shyly suggested going out on Saturday.

“We don’t need this project hindering our plans,” he expressed, his eyes focused on the rubric. You smiled happily as you squeezed his knee.

“You’re right,” you assured him.

And how right he was as he devoted the day to you, having you completely forget the incident that almost drove you two apart. Oh, how right it felt to be with him from this day forward.

#queuded #haikyuu!!#haikyuu tsukishima #tsukishima kei #tsukishima angst #tsukishima fluff #tsukishima imagines #tsukishima reactions #tsukishima scenarios #haikyuu angst #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu reactions #haikyuu scenarios

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ajokeformur-ray · 4 years

Text

~ Erileck moments ~

Becauseeee ~ I wanna treat myself to something good today and I wanted to share some of my relationship with anyone who’s curious. Didn’t wanna clog your dashes so I put everything I wanted to share all together.

Under a cut so people can skip the self-shippy stuff if they wanna!!🥺💜

Word count: 2, 227. (Holy shit???)

(My favourite Joker moment asdfghjk makes me wanna go F E R A L )

Sometimes when I want Joker’s attention but I don’t know how to ask for it, I’ll sit down beside him and I’ll lean my head against his upper arm. Lightly at first, barely touching him. Working out his reaction. If he stiffens up, I’ll pull away. I know what he is saying. If he remains the same, I relax a bit more. And then a bit more. A few moments later and I’ve got my head on his shoulder. If he kisses the top of my head in response, some of my hair sticking to his greasepaint, it means I found him from wherever he was inside of himself. If he lets me sit there but he doesn’t kiss me, it means he wants me to stay but he can’t, or won’t, for whatever reason, reciprocate. And that’s okay. I know he’ll talk to me when he’s ready and not before. I’ll wait, however long it takes.

We play peekaboo every night. Every night. It makes me giggle when he does it so it’s a win-win situation for the both of us. I always hide my smile; even a slight upwards twitch of my lips or when I know there’s a laugh coming, I’ll put a hand over my mouth and my hand will not move until it’s gone. Joker hates that, it makes him angry. But instead of showing his anger, because he knows I can’t handle that or even any kind of confrontation, we play peekaboo. “Where’s my Erika, hm?” and he’ll gently wrap his fingers around mine and tug my hand away from my mouth. “There she is! There’s that smile I love so much.” I get so embarrassed and I feel silly but Joker - Arthur - is the only one I’ll let myself be like this with.

Joker’s my clown blanket. Every night. I cannot and I will not sleep without my clown blanket. I have my comfort cushion cradled to my chest and Joker knows I won’t let go of it, not even for a game of peekaboo (he tried, once, to swap out my cushion, which looks like his suit, “for the real thing” during a game of peekaboo but I wasn’t having it). So when he lays atop me so we both can sleep, my comfort cushion becomes his pillow and we sleep like that. If either Joker or my cushion leaves me in the night, I’ll wake up and it’ll be hard for me to get back to sleep until I’m holding them again. I have a fear of the dark and an active imagination and a love of horror, so those three things make sleeping difficult sometimes, even with my night lights.

Joker can’t sit with his legs crossed when I’m around because he knows that his lap is my seat. If he’s genuinely busy or not in the mood or if he wants alone time, then that’s one thing and I won’t push; he can find me when he’s ready to, no questions asked. But when he’s in a good mood or when I’m needing some comfort, it’s not unusual for me to descend upon my crimson throne and stay there for hours. I’ll lean forward and shift around to get Joker a cigarette, his journal, a snack off the table or a lighter, or maybe even the remote, but I won’t move. His lap is my favourite seat in the entire apartment and if he crosses his legs when I’ve only just vacated my spot, then I’m asking for it back by putting my hand on his knee and pushing (gently) down. Move for me? Is the question. Joker’s genuine smile is always my answer.

Joker has a gun. He never checks if it’s loaded or if the safety catch is on, and it gives me a heart attack every single time. Once, I walked in on him with it pointed underneath his chin. I moved across the room so damn fast that I surprised myself. “Get. That fucking gun. Away from your face. Now.” A knowing, weary look from Joker but he did as I demanded. Nothing else was said but just as he thought he’d gotten away without me addressing the situation, I grabbed the gun and pointed it at me. I had no other way of getting my point across that it is not a good way to express himself so I could only put him in my shoes and let that make the message sink in. It was emotionally stressful for the both of us and many tears were shed, but I made him promise me to let me help him find another healthier way to express himself. He made me promise I wouldn’t ever pull a stunt like that again. As yet, we’ve both kept our promises. I’m still not sure I did the right thing but what more could I do?

Joker and I have a deal. If I eat, he eats. If I sleep, he sleeps. If I do exceptionally well in taking care of myself, then I get rewarded with Joker applying his makeup on me. If Joker does well in taking care of himself, then he gets rewarded with me wearing the suit which looks like his. It’s unusual but neither of us ever really take care of our own selves. In taking care of each other, we are then cared for properly and it works out well for us. We get frustrated with each other if we don’t take good care of ourselves, which is why we formed this deal with one another. It was Joker’s idea. He didn’t expect me to say yes but he also knows that I won’t ever say no to him (though I take great care to not enable his bad habits or behaviours and I do my best to help him properly) so really, he should have expected me to say yes. I never expected him to propose the deal but I’m so glad he did because I sleep so much easier knowing he’s being taken care of and I suspect it’s the same in reverse, too.

I drink coffee at the same rate he smokes. My eighteen cups a day against his own habit. Coffee and cigarettes is where most of our money goes, and whenever I buy myself some coffee, I grab Joker a multipack of cigarettes, too. I don’t like the habit but I won’t deny him one of his vices. Joker wouldn’t ever deny me coffee, either. When he lights a cigarette, his eyes automatically check the level of coffee in my mug. From the time I get up to the time I go to bed, my coffee mug is never cold. Music is the only vice we share and it’s the one we indulge in together every single night. That’s Life is my favourite song and Joker calls it the “Erika Mood Checker”. If I don’t smile or squeal or fold in on myself from fangirling so hard, he knows I need some extra lovings. To date, there’s only been three times in the year we’ve known each other that the song hasn’t gotten a reaction out of me so it’s a serious sign if I don’t at least smile.

We don’t give up on each other. Ever. I have pulled Joker out of the fridge more times than I care to admit to, and he’s literally pulled me up to standing from the bathroom floor more times than he can remember. If the other person won’t get out of the fridge or won’t get up off the floor, the other sits down and stays there. No talking, no touching... just a silent and comforting presence until the other person is ready. We know each other so well that so much of what we communicate about stays silent between us. We don’t need to talk - everything’s in our eyes.

Grabbing the other’s face and saying “I love you” a gazillion times and smothering them in kisses is a daily practice. It makes us both cry when I do it to him. I get upset because I’m so overjoyed to be able to love on Joker as he deserves to be, and Joker cries because how did I ever get so lucky, Erika? When Joker does it to me, it makes him giggle, his lips vibrating against my skin, and I cry because that’s my go-to expression of self. I’m a cryer, I always have been. It doesn’t matter who’s getting loved on, it’ll end up with the both of us crying and the both of us laughing through our tears and wiping the others’ away. We’re very, very affectionate with each other.

Joker has only ever raised his voice at me once. I did something really stupid, I grabbed a saucepan off the stovetop without a towel to shield my hands and I didn’t even think about it (I’m clumsy), and he yelled my name. It sounded like a command and I jumped. I have trauma around raised voices and shouting and conflict and I ended up hiding under the duvet on our bed in tears. It took Joker two hours to coax me out from my hiding place and another three days for me to relax and to realise that he wasn’t mad at me in secret. I really scared Joker during that time and now, if he gets mad at me or is projecting his anger, he very carefully tells me to give him some space because “Joker’s mad, doll, and I don’t want you getting caught up in it”. He seeks me out when he’s no longer angry, I won’t go to him because he asked for space so that means that he has to be the one to look for me when he’s done. No questions asked and everything accepted without judgement. By the same courtesy, though, I shut myself away when I’m angry and Joker leaves me to it. I find him when I’m done, and that’s that. That’s not to say that we don’t support each other, because we do, but Joker never wants to see me scared of his anger again so we make steps to protect the both of us.

We play a game called “who’s got the best bruise?”. Both of us are clumsy and every night we lay in bed before we go to sleep and we ‘show off’ our bruises, making up possibilities of where they came from. Joker’s are deliberately outlandish, to make me laugh (with his hand coincidentally holding mine so I can’t hide my smile), and mine are always really silly, natural moments like, “I bounced off the doorframe because I was excited to see you”. Severe bruises are of course treated with ointment and kissed, so that the love can seep into the skin and speed up the healing (I tell Joker things like that because he never received that kind of comfort in childhood and I try to make up for that).

Sometimes I force myself to watch his segment on the Murray show. He was in so much pain and he was having a national breakdown on television and he was only mocked and unheard, unseen. So when I have doubts about our love or when I just need to remember, I make myself watch it. I always break into tears when he says “the same way you decide what’s funneh or not”. The way his voice cracks on those three words does something to me. Joker just sighs knowingly and affectionately, but also in a painful way because he’s still hurting deeply. He sits beside me and kisses my tears away and begs me to turn it off, but I can’t. I have to see him and his pain. He deserves that, at least. He knows why I do it and I know that he knows that, too. It’s something I have to do sometimes, even though he hates that I do it to myself.

There is nothing we won’t do for each other. That’s not to say I enable him (I do my best not to) or encourage his bad habits and behaviours (I want for him to get the help he needs and I’ll be there for him no matter what), but I would defend him in a heartbeat and I’d set the entire world on fucking fire if it would make Joker smile. I love him and I never let him doubt that for even a second. Joker would burn down the city for me if I asked him to. He cannot stand the thought of me even doubting what we share and it upsets and angers him every time he knows my thoughts have gone down that road. I would light myself on fire to keep him warm, knowing all the while that he’d never ask that of me. Joker would hand me a loaded gun and tell me to point it at him. He’d keep his eyes shut and know I would much rather turn that gun on myself. We have our moments of miscommunication but neither of us would ever hurt the other. Not for anything or anyone. Both of us are full of pain and rage but also of love and we are whole persons on our own but together we complement each other perfectly. Gotham got what it deserved and now so do the both of us.

#erileck #self-shipping

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chasseurdeloup-retired · 3 years

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When the Party's Over || Notia and Kaden

TIMING: Current LOCATION: A bar PARTIES: @humanmoodring and @chasseurdeloup SUMMARY: Cordelia gets one last chance to live it up.

Finding an exorcist wasn’t enough. Kaden knew that much. Hell, it was no good if there was no body to work with. That didn’t change the fact that he didn’t want to have to deal with this portion of the plan, didn’t want to have to face the body of his friend. So he took a shot at the bar before looking around for Cordelia. He saw what should be a familiar face across the way. Sure, she looked like Nadia, sure, but something was off. The mannerisms, the movements, every inch of her screamed that she was someone else borrowing his friend’s body. He wasn’t sure why he thought there was safety in a public space, but he was hoping there might be some to be found. “Cordelia,” he said, placing a firm grip on her shoulder. “Long time, no see.” His hand closed tighter around her, likely bruising her body, but he wanted to make a fucking point. He was ready to grab her a lot more forcefully if he had to, but hell if he hoped he didn’t have to. “How’s it been, really? I’ve got a few things we need to chat about.”

The bartender was a terrible flirt, just the kind that Nadia knew she could get a drink or two or three out of without having to even start a tab. Not that she’d even got started when she felt a familiar presence behind her and a hand clamping down on her shoulder. She was kind of impressed with Kaden’s forcefulness. He really didn’t see his friend anymore when he looked at her, did he? The room chilled around them, but she shot the bartender a reassuring wink and turned to face Kaden. “Ohmygod, Kadie!” she said, eyes wide with excitement. She was careful not to react to the way he said that name. “It’s so good to see you, really. I’ve just been so busy, I couldn’t fit you into my schedule.” She put her hand on his and dug her nails in a bit to remove it from her shoulder. “A chat? Sure, totally.” She gave him an easy grin, let he know that he didn’t scare her. She was in control here. She was in charge. Especially after everything that had happened with Arthur earlier. “What ya wanna talk about, hot stuff?”

“A lot, actually,” Kaden replied with a smirk. “I’d say I missed you but that’d be a lie. And I’m an honest man. I would never lie to you like that.” The nails in his hand were nothing. If she wanted to inflict pain, she’d have to try harder. Not that he planned to encourage her, this was the same woman who stabbed and shot him. Sill, it wasn’t like he didn’t endure cat scratches on a near daily basis. He hardly even flinched at the pain. In response, he used his other hand to grab her wrist, gripped it tight, but not enough to break any bones. Hopefully she was aware just how easy it would be. “We can do this the hard way or the easy way, Cordelia. But it’s over. Jig is up. Hope you had a good last night but it’s over.”

“Aw, Kadie, you’re hurting my feelings.” Nadia pouted. But she glared at him as his hand went to her wrist. Out. She needed a way out of this. “Is there a third option, maybe?” She looked around the bar. The bartender had moved away, but she was sure he’d come back if she screamed. She should scream. There was a beer bottle in front of her. A plan, half-assed and half-formed, came into her head. “Night’s hardly even begun, babe.” With her free hand, she smashed the beer bottle over Kaden’s hand, and then she started screaming. “Help! Fuck, please help me!” The dim lights in the bar brightened momentarily with her screams before settling back down, and Nadia did her best to pry Kaden’s hand off of her and move away. If she could make it outside, then she could get away, go to the apartment, and regroup. Maybe this was proof that it was time to leave, time to move on to greener pastures. Like the Bahamas. Or somewhere in Europe.

Kaden was prepared for a fight. He knew she wasn’t going to go quietly, as much as he wished that she might. As much as he didn’t want to damage Nadia’s body too much, he would do what he had to in order to get her to come with him. “Shit!” he cursed as soon as she smashed a bottle on him. So much for having one good hand. He clenched his jaw and held tight to her, pushed past the pain, ignored the blood that was pooling on it, and across his hand. It was possible he was going to break her wrist but he wasn’t going to fucking let go, not if he could help it. Shattered glass? Funny that she tried. He was dating a banshee. Shattered glass was nothing new. “Nadia Diaz,” he shouted over her. “You’re under arrest for theft, assault, and attempted homicide.” He pulled out his badge to show the room, just in case, along with his handcuffs. “You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.” She tried to run, almost slipped from his hand, but he reached out and cuffed her bruised and possibly broken wrist before he continued. ”You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you.” Say what she wanted, he was still a fucking cop and the badge was real so she could fucking try him. “We can make this easy. Or we can make this hard,” he reiterated, trying to lead her to the door.”

“You really wanna do this?” Nadia gasped out, teeth gritted against the pain in her wrist as Kaden pulled her hands behind her back. “You wanna play the cop card?” What kind of fucking game was this asshole playing, anyway? Arresting her? Sure, whatever. She’d been arrested before. He was doing more harm than good, speaking Nadia’s name and charges out into existence among these people. There was no help to be had, just anticipation and curiosity as the bar’s patrons watched on. The badge seemed to have the same effect in warding people off from helping as salt warded a ghost from a room.. She was alone in this, and it’d be easier to just go with him. “How are you gonna deal with this, huh?” She asked quietly as she let him lead her away, craning her head back to look at him. There was a knife on his belt. She would remember that. “Get your little empath back and what? Now everybody here thinks she’s a murderer. Or did you not think this through?” She went rigid and stopped moving, forcing him to stop as well, however momentary. “Why don’t you just let me go, Langley? Instead of fucking up what’s left of Nadia Diaz’s life?”

“I really don’t but I’ll do what I have to. This is ending, Cordelia. You’re done,” Kaden said in her ear as he led her out of the bar. Shit, it was almost a power trip watching the way part in the club as they made their way to the door. He didn’t normally pull stunts like this and he definitely didn’t normally do this sort of shit as an animal control officer, but no one in that bar needed to know that. He should try this more often. Once they were outside of the bar, he led her to his animal control truck. It wasn’t exactly the same as a traditional cop car, but it looked more official than his personal truck. He really hoped no one questioned him. Because this sure as shit was far from legal. He ran into her back as she stopped short. Putain. “Really? You think you’re the only one clever enough for a con, Cordy?” He huffed out a laugh and continued to escort her to the passenger seat, swinging the door open. “You think I’m actually taking you to jail? Fuck no. You’re going somewhere much worse.” That was probably stupid to show his hands so soon. He didn’t want to have to knock her out but, shit. He was probably going to have to knock her out. Putain.

“It ends when I fucking say it does,” Nadia snarled. He felt so fucking smug. She wanted to jerk her head up into his nose and break it, but she refrained. She wasn’t going to struggle anymore. She’d have to find another way out of this. “I don’t think you have the brain power to pull off a clever con, dumbass. Even if you don’t take me to jail, you’ve outed your pal as a criminal, a murderer. And I have killed quite a few people in this town, just an FYI.” She slammed her shoulder into Kaden’s chest and grabbed the knife while he was distracted. She’d been picking pockets for years. Taking one knife off of a man’s belt was child’s play. Then she all but fell into the passenger seat, turning back to him with a sneer. “You’re going somewhere much worse,” she mocked. “Cry me a fucking river. You can kick me out and put her back in, but I still win, and I can just find someone else, someone better.” She laughed. “Not that you’d notice if I just stayed though, would you? You didn’t notice for months.” She made her eyes soft, her lips pouty. “Mimes, like, totally suck! Of course we’re friends, Kaden! I’ll totally help you look for your girlfriend! Don’t be so hard on yourself, it’s gonna be okay!” She let her face go blank. “You’re an idiot. An idiot. For all your claims to know her and care for her, you and everyone else were just as fucking obtuse as her goddamn parents. An emotionally constipated girl that she slept with a handful of times figured it out before all of her little friends. You only found me out because I let you.” Nadia looked at Kaden with pure hate, knife gripped tightly in her hands. But she couldn’t use it. She slipped it into the waistband of her pants instead.

“Sure it does.” Kaden didn’t really feel like arguing with her. It hardly seemed worth it. He wouldn’t have to argue with her for too much longer. “Have I? Really? To one bar, one bartender? I have a feeling that’s not going to matter much. I don’t have any evidence. Really a shame no one was able to hold Nadia. What a trage-” He let out an ouf as she slammed into his chest. He made sure his hold on her didn’t loosen for too long and she didn’t make a run for it. Thankfully, she slid into the passenger seat without too much argument. It was about as good a scenario as he could hope for considering. His face steeled as he watched her try to play him some more. She looked like Nadia but the more she spoke, the clearer it was that this was all Cordelia. “I didn’t notice, you’re right. But I know now. So it doesn’t matter how in the fuck any of found out. Really it was your mistake for not leaving town when you had a chance.” Once, she had been able to use her words to twist his heart, tug on his strings. Not anymore. “You know, you really need to get a new routine. This one’s getting stale.” Too bad she wasn’t going to get a chance. He pulled out a taser before slamming the door and heading around to the driver’s seat. Just in case he couldn’t deal with her bullshit babbling anymore.

Rolling her eyes, Nadia slumped down into the seat and watched him go to the driver’s side. There it was. Panic. Not his, either, but hers, purely hers. It made her heart beat frantically. Her breath came out in short puffs as the temperature in the car lowered even further. This wasn’t happening. It wasn’t. It couldn’t. She should have just kicked herself out of Nadia Diaz’s body when she had the chance, left it in a ditch somewhere. But then she wouldn’t have been able to have any fun. She should have left the moment he hurt her wrist and shoved her in the fucking truck, but there was the chance that he would make it back to Nadia in time for her to reclaim her body and, no, she wasn’t going to have that. She wasn’t. Not if she couldn’t get it back, not if it wasn’t hers. She’d put a lot of time and effort into this body, goddammit. She wasn’t going to lose it like this. She’d get rid of it her way or no way at all. “Fuck you,” she said, keeping her eyes on him and the taser, but she didn't say it loudly, and she didn’t struggle. Fine. Let him think that they’d won. Whatever. She couldn’t wait to watch him regret this, even if it was the last thing that she did.

#writing #wickedswriting #chatzy #nadia #notia #humanmoodring #when the party's over

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nad-zeta · 4 years

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Matchup (◍•ᴗ•◍)♡ ✧*。

Hi, can i ask for a ikevamp matchup? I like listening to music, though it can go both ways, my mood affects my music or my music affects my mood. I’m super close with my friends since most of them are my friends for 3+ years, so I’m not that great with new people, though I’m fine with those I’ve met once or twice before. I’m surrounded by close friends and family, so I can be as mischievous and as open as I want to be. I will only be open like that with people I care about, so unless I like someone I will put up a huge wall around them until I feel like I could trust them completely. That being said, I’m pretty strong emotionally, like comforting grieving friends, calming people down without being affected in any way, etc, and people say I give advices that actually works. I’m used to get things on my own, so I can either be a leader or the advisor, which I usually do when I want to be the leader but don’t wanna take responsibility for what I do 😅 and I may know what to do in every situation, but that doesn’t mean I know how to do it 😅

I’m also a lucky charm lol I dont know how but I’m pretty lucky, so my friends often want me on their group for projects and stuff like that or when people open up a new business they will invite me and my mom because somehow people think things go well because I’m around. And an extremely bad habit of mine is that I often take everything lightly, whether it’s getting into a fight or getting failing grades or pulling a huge stunt where me and my whole class working together to skip to get home faster from school (we succeeded every time 👀) maybe it’s because most things in my life have been pretty easy and I feel like I’m always in my comfort zone, and even if I face difficulties, they usually get done on their own so I became pretty optimistic naturally, and because of this people can relax around me since I don’t panic easily, or people get annoyed with me because I don’t take things seriously enough, whether it’s good or bad. And finally, I can have a change of heart EASILY but with a reason. Like, I can think you as the most important person who I care about, but once you betray me or do something I hate, idc I will throw you out of my life. Idc of I’ve known you for years, I can easily act like we’re strangers if l don’t like you anymore, and I usually stand on my ground unless other people convince me otherwise. After years of dealing with so many good and bad things, I have a lot of experience in many types of situations, so I know if something is legit or is it a complete lie. And even if someone usually lies or hides something from me I can understand them whether they give me their reason or not, because I’m understanding and can know the difference whether they blatantly hate me or genuinely can’t tell me about something, which is absolutely fine. I can stay away from you for years and still care for you the next time we meet unless you have a change of heart ❤

I’m sorry if it’s TMI or too little information bc I don’t often send matchup requests 😅 and thank you for doing my matchup if you decide to do this 😊

Hi hi, love! Thank you so much for the request! I hope I didn’t make you wait too long for it! I hope you enjoy it love and I hope you have a wonderful day! Hehe honestly I struggled to figure out who to match you with as at least 3 different people came to mind, but at the end, I finally settled for this special boy! Hope you enjoy it!

I match you with……….Jean

The two of you don’t meet for a few days the first time you arrive at the mansion. At the news of your arrival, Jean thought it best to lock himself away as he didn’t want to expose such a pure light as yourself, to a monster like himself. He took a liking to you, the first time he saw your radiant smile as he walked into the dining room while you were introducing yourself to everyone. Except you never got a chance to see him, he turned around and went back to his room immediately, however, this didn’t escape the notice of the mansions big brother Napoleon.

You were rather quiet and reserved, not really engaging all that much with the boys, your walls were on high guard to protect you from potentially getting hurt, besides you were only with the strange group of men for a month and then you had to go back home, so you didn’t want to expose yourself to unnecessary heartbreak. You had however taken a liking to Napoleon who was named your protector after Arthur tried some funny business with you. You worked hard and honestly, Sabastian had been thankful for such a hard-working, diligent colleague

You had been in the Paris of the past for a few weeks now, but haven’t really left the mansion. Comte had invited you to a big lavish ball that one of his friends was throwing and you decided it might be a fun experience. You ran down the mansion stairs expecting to see Napoleon, who was instructed to take you out to town to buy in Comte’s words “a dress fit for a princess,” however instead you saw a beautiful man standing to wait for you. You had heard about Jean but you had yet to meet him and now here he was before you, offering you an arm to escort you to town. You took his arm and the two of you were off to town. Napoleon had already made commitments to teaching the street children, and something inside him told him that you and Jean would really get along, so he stomped his way up to Jean’s room and asked his old friend to escort you to town. He was not keen TBH, but he could never refuse a request from his friend.

The two of you walked around in silence neither daring to say a word. That, of course, was until you heard some street performers playing the most upbeat music. You followed the sound of the music, Jean trailing slightly behind you, when you came to a stop in front of the performers. You felt like dancing, the music was so uplifting, you just felt like dancing, laughing and soon your mood turned bubbly. The people around you started to dance to the music, you turned to Jean with stars in your eyes, “Jean, would you like to dance.” Honestly, it was more of a rhetorical question as before he could answer, you took his hands and started dancing with him. Jean had been to enough balls and banquets with Comte and Napoleon to know the basics.

Soon he got into the swing of things and started twirling you around, and gently leading you, cause it was clear that you didn’t really know the traditional dances, being from the future. When the last note echoed through the street, you were laughing in delight, having the time of your life. You looked up at Jean and your breath caught in your throat at the sight of his smile, it was absolutely radiant the way the corners of his mouth lifted softly to show you a gentle smile, and little did you know, no one had seen Jean smile since he arrived at the mansion. You were honestly in the best mood, so for the rest of yours and Jean’s shopping trip you talked his ears off. Jean didn’t know why, but he couldn’t help but listen to every word, all while wearing that soft fond smile. At the end of the day, the second Jean was back at the mansion his smile faded, and he reverted back as if remembering that he was a monster, he kissed your hand, “Good night mademoiselle, and thank you for a wonderful day.” You beamed up at him and thanked him for making the shopping trip so fun, you definitely didn’t miss that slight blush forming on his cheeks as he turned to move back to his room.

Since that day, strangely enough, you and Jean had run into each other quite often, although these run-ins were orchestrated by the former Emporer of France and the Lord of the mansion. Both had noticed a slight change in Jean after he went on that shopping trip with you and both agreed that you may be exactly what he needs.

For example one day you ran up to Arthur’s room as he yelled out in irritation. You burst through the door to see the most unusual scene before you, Arthur scolding a tiger cub. You looked around the room to see the manuscript of his latest chapters shredded on the floor, his curtains had been scratched to pieces, and the cub appeared to have been playing in mud before making his way into Arthurs room, as muddy paw prints covered the entire room. You placed your hand in front of your mouth to stifle a laugh, you never did take things too seriously, “Hey you, don’t you dare laugh, this is my life’s work”. You giggled a little and told Arthur to lighten up, but when Jean appeared behind you also trying to hold in his laughter at the way you never seem to take things too seriously, you burst out laughing. That’s when Jean couldn’t hold it back any longer and also started laughing, Arthur was sister shook he had never even seen Jean smile let alone laugh. You walked over to the tiger cub and scooped him up in your arms, then you walked over to the mysterious man and took his hand in yours. Before Arthur could even say anything, you bolted to the garden all while laughing.

You and Jean then went on to bath the little tiger cub together, which ended in a bit of a water fight. When you were with Jean, all your walls were down, and your mischievous personality came out to play, especially when you saw this beautiful boy’s smile. By the end of the day, both you and Jean were soaked to the bone, both of you went to bath and retire to your rooms for the night. When all of a sudden you heard a knock at the door, it was Jean. He had brought you a cup of hot tea and thanked you for helping him clean up his tiger’s mess. You invited him into your room, he sat down awkwardly and looked around your room curiously, he legit had never been in a girls room before. It wasn’t long before the two of you started chatting, and soon dawn had broken, and you realized that you and Jean had been talking the whole night.

You never noticed it before, but you and Jean had spent every single day together since then, chatting and laughing about everything and anything. He loved that you seemed to possess all the luck of the universe and that you would always come to his aid when Arthur was beating him at one or other board game. You would legit team up with Jean and let your luck take care of the rest. Thanks to your incredible luck Arthur had lost a bet to you and Jean and now had to wear his underpants over his regular pants for a week.

Jean was feeling so confused and overwhelmed with all these new feelings, he had never really known love before having met you and all of it felt so new. One day he decided to tell you how he was feeling, you were always so good at giving out advice, and your presence always had the ability to calm all his fears and anxieties. Once he finished telling you about how he had been feeling towards you lately, you gave him the biggest hug, “I love you to Jean.”

Jean loved your naturally optimistic personality and your ability to bring so much joy into even the saddest of moments. You were always there for him, to reassure him whenever he was having panic or anxiety attacks. He absolutely loved and adored you and had sworn his life and loyalty to you.

He loved that you never took things seriously, as all he did was take things seriously, so it was like a breath of fresh air to have someone around to help him balance his overthinking mind. After the two of you got together, Jean told you everything, from his dark past to the fact that he saw himself as a monster, undeserving of your love. He legit thought that you were going to push him away and leave him but instead, you kissed him and told him how much you loved him.

You loved that Jean was always open and honest with you and completely loyal to you. He was also your voice of reason when it came to cutting people out your life for wronging you. The two of you balanced each other out perfectly.

Both Comte and Napoleon were overjoyed that Jean finally found someone to open up to and who loved him unconditionally. You helped Jean heal from all his past traumas and made him a better man.

Jean loved spending time with you, this soft sweet, sensitive boy would shower you with love and affection from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to sleep. He would often surprise you with breakfast in bed, or drop a small chaste kiss on your lips whenever the two of you run into each other in the hallways

The two of you absolutely love just being snuggled up together chatting about your day. Jean loves to hold you in his strong arms and nuzzle into your neck as you sit in his lap and read. Often the two of you can be found in a coffee shop holding hands and reading. On rare occasions, the two of you can also be found pulling pranks on some of the mansion residents as payback for the pranks that they would pull on the two of you.

Ultimately Jean is most happy when you are resting in his lap after a long day of housework. He would pull his fingers through your soft silky hair and send up a silent prayer to God thanking him for sending him his own lovely guardian angel, to love, hold and cherish for the rest of his life

Other potential matches………… Napoleon

I hope you enjoyed it dear!

@miss-wish-a-lot

#jean d'arc #ikemen vampire jean #ikevamp jean #matchups #ikesen matchup #match ups #matches #jean matchup #ikevamp matchup #ikevamp match up #submission

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thissiteistrashbuthereiam · 4 years

Text

Day 1: Dare

-------------

This, was a bad idea.

Maka stared at the bottle in front of her with a grimace, hoping if she stared at it long enough it would just disappear. She watched as BlackStar poured a row of shots.

One, two, three, four.

This was a very, very bad idea.

“Alright Maka.” His mischievous grin was faced in her direction, and it made her uneasy. The dark fluid in the shot glasses mocked her, the potent smell of alcohol wafting through the air. “You have to do all four shots in 10 seconds, or you lose. Think you can handle it? Or do you admit defeat?” She grimaced at him as he cackled, babbling on about his godliness. Out of pure spite, Maka took him up on the challenge. Surely enough, she downed the shots in the time allotted, only hesitating once.

It was rare that either of them got the time to just let loose. Admittedly they hadn’t been the best of friends, but they understood each other better than most. The biggest issue was their tempers. Their friends like to say they weren’t compatible, which may be true, but they’d say otherwise. They happened to get mad at similar rates, but that didn’t mean they didn’t care for each other any less. If they were completely honest, they may as well have been siblings.

“How’s Tsubaki? I haven’t seen her in a while. I miss her.” She watched him pour another shot, noting the bottle was nearly gone at this point.

“She’s good! Her old man is happy to see her again, and she says Japan is nice.” He inspected the shot glass for a second before tossing it back swiftly. “She misses you too.”

Maka could have sworn his eyes faded a shift distant look to them. One he only wore when he thought of said woman. Tsubaki had been a very important part of both of their lives, but most notably BlackStar’s. For as long as Maka knew him, he was always rough around the edges. Tsubaki softened him. Made him more open. He was still an egotistical maniac, but he was much more tolerable to be around. For her, Tsubaki was simply her best friend. She always told her the truth, even when it wasn’t what she wanted to here. Tsubaki kept her grounded, which was not an easy feat.

“When is she coming home? I’ve been craving her miso soup.” A small pot formed on her lips as she spoke. “I’ve tried a few places, but they don’t make it the same.” Her friend responded with hearty laugh, and their banter continued through the night. By the time 3 am rolled around, they were both incredulously drunk.

“I have a question.” Black Star lay on the floor, Maka next to him. He turned to his head to her, a serious expression on his face.

“Shoot.”

“Do you love Soul?” She could feel the air leave her body, her blood running a little cold. She looked back up to the ceiling, her brow furrowed as she thought of the right words.

“I want to say yes.” She could feel his gaze on her still, not daring to look back.

“But?”

“But I don’t think I can do anything about it.”

“Why?”

“I know it isn’t fair to blame them, but everything that happened between my parents definitely impacted my outlook on life in general.” He hummed, letting her continue as he listened. “Whether I want to admit it or not, I’m emotionally stunted. Love is not, and probably never will be, an easy word for me to use or understand.” He lay quietly beside her, a rare occurrence. Maka would’ve assumed her were dead if he weren’t blinking.

“Tell him that.” She turned to face him abruptly, disbelief plastered on her face.

“What?”

“Tell him exactly what you just told me. He should hear it for himself.” BlackStar did not give advice, let alone good advice. The very premise of the idea was absurd, and Maka would say she didn’t believe it if she wasn’t hearing it for herself.

“As appealing as that sounds, I think I’ll pass.” He shot up next to her, a wicked grin appearing.

“What about a good old-fashioned dare.”

“I refuse.” She spoke with a bite, but he remained unfazed.

“Your God does not accept that answer.” She groaned as he stood up, pulling her to her feet as well.

“We aren’t children BlackStar. This is ridiculous.” Her groans fell on deaf ears as he pulled out his cellphone and started tapping. She could hear the faint sound of the phone connecting, before an all too familiar voice resounded from the speaker.

“Hey Star, what’s up?” Soul.

“BlackStar what-" Her protests were ignored as he walked away from her, quietly snickering into the phone. The conversation was short, but Maka knew he was up to something.

“Alright, minion.” His arms were crossed triumphantly as he spoke. “Time for your dare.” Maka was now hyper aware of how drunk she was, the room spinning viciously as her anxiety rose. “You’re going to tell Soul exactly what you told me, and have a nice heart to heart.”

“That’s why you called him? To get him over here for a heart to heart? What the hell kind of a dare is that?” She was slurring her words at this point, but she wasn't sure she cared. Soul was on his way, and there wasn't any getting out of this. Not with BlackStar there. “What exactly did you tell him?” Her eyes were narrowed as she stared daggers his way. A mischievous smile made its way onto his face and laughter erupted from his mouth. She definitely felt uneasy.

“I told him you were drunk off your ass and need a ride home because you can't handle a little booze.” If embarrassment could kill, she would definitely be six feet under right now. Her partner, a Death Scythe, was coming to get her at 3 am under the notion that she’s too drunk to function. It wasn't fast from the truth, but the real reason he was on his way was much worse. BlackStar was forcing her to confront feelings she has buried for nearly a decade. Blackstar, one of the densest people she knew, was meddling with her love life. This was probably the lowest she could get on the totem pole of life. Nothing about the situation unfolding around her was okay, and she wanted to jump out of the window. “And if you don’t do it, you’re covering my patrol for the next week.”

Now that wasn’t fair. BlackStar’s capabilities made it easier for him to cover more ground quickly, so he was in charge of patrolling Death City. Maka couldn’t say the same for her own abilities, and the thought of patrolling an area that large was exhausting in itself. It’d take her the whole day.

It wasn’t too long before there was a knock on the door. “That was fast! Almost as fast as me!” BlackStar opened the door emphatically, the same shit eating grin still plaguing his face. “Heya, Soul! Come on in!” He led him in by the shoulders rather forcefully before planting himself on his sofa. Soul’s eyes wandered to the two empty bottles of vodka and the many shot glasses strewn about.

“When I said get out of the house, I didn’t mean give yourself alcohol poisoning.” His hand dragged though his hair, and he turned to BlackStar. “You could have held back a little, dude.”

“Gods don’t hold back, Soul! I have to do everything a hundred and ten percent!” Soul si.ply rolled his eyes, turning back to Maka. “You ready to go?” A slight grunt could be heard from BlackStar, the dare still hanging over her head.

“Yeah but um-“ a blush crept its way up her neck and she could feel her skin getting hotter. “Ihavesomethingimportanttotellyou.” Her sentence came out incoherent, even to her. Soul gave her a quizzical look and she could almost feel BlackStar’s wicked grin.

“One more time, but in English please.” Now this was embarrassing. Bearing her emotions to him like this was bad enough, but BlackStar watching was just cruel.

“I have something,” the pause was longer than it had been meant to be, and the air was suddenly thick. “I have something to tell you.” Suddenly BlackStar stirred, pulling the attention his way for a moment. Maka could almost think again.

“I'll leave you two be for a moment. A star such as myself will only steal the moment.” He stretched as he stood, walking into his room with a wink at Maka. She was thankful he had the mercy to give them space, but irritated that he put her in this position to begin with. The world was still spinny, and she knew her speech was slurred and slow. Regardless, she was determined to get the dare over with. Liquid courage was slightly helpful, giving her the false sense of confidence to say what she needed to.

“I am very bad at feelings.” It did not come out the way she wanted it to at all. Soul was patient, though, and let her continue. “I feel things but it’s confusing and I am emotionally challenged so I never understand.” She was speaking slowly, over enunciating the words as she said them. Soul came closer, gently placing his hands on her shoulders. She felt a little steadier, but the world was still spinning.

“I already know that, Maka.” His red eyes looked into hers fondly. “Why don’t we get you home.” He turned so he was standing beside her, one hand on the lower part of her back and the other holding her hand to guide her. He nudged her gently, ready to walk her out, but she stopped him.

“I can’t go yet. I didn’t do the thing.” His brow was quirked in a way that fascinates Maka. Each of his facial expressions was so intriguing and they were always so intense, so Soul. She really liked his face.

“What thing, Maka?”

She tried to speak, but the words didn’t formulate the way she wanted them to. Why was it so easy to explain to BlackStar before? What did she say then?

“Words and stuff are really hard, and I’m not good at this. Maybe I should try a different approach?” She wasn’t really speaking to him at this point, more so just voicing her thoughts. She wanted to express the feelings she had, but it’s hard when you don’t understand them. She knew she felt differently about Soul than she did other people, but love was such a terrifying concept to her. Was that really what she felt?

Why don’t we-" she cut him off, pressing her lips to his roughly. She lingered for a second before pulling back, leaving a little space between them. The initial shock of the kiss was still there, but Soul snapped himself out of it. “You wanna tell me what that was for?”

“I’m not really good at feelings.” She was repeating herself, but this time she had an idea of what she was wanted to say. “I know what I want to do, but J never really have the answer why. I wanted to kiss you, but I don’t know why.” She held the next part in, but she knew she had to say it. “I think I’m scared of what it all means.”

Arms we wrapped around her, pulling her into a warm embrace. The room was silent as he held her, rubbing her back soothingly. She let her head rest against his chest comfortably as they stood together. The moment was broken by laughter, and Soul whipped his head in the direction of the noise. BlackStar stood in his doorway with his phone recording the entire exchange.

“Dude, not cool!” Soul glared incessantly as BlackStar fell to floor in a fit of laughter. Maka was still clad against Soul's chest, unable to focus on much else other than the steady beat of his heart. She felt a gentle tap against her back and looked up at Soul. He was clearly agitated by BlackStar, but there was still a noticeable softness to his expression. “Come on, let’s get you home.”

-------

Wooooot! We love SoMa week! Heavy on the Maka and BlackStar brotp because I feel like they bond over Tsubaki and despite their differences, they do see each other as siblings.

@soulxmakaweek

#soul eater evans #soulxmaka #soul eater #manga #anime #fanfic #soma week 2020 #soma week #maka albarn #blackstar #blackstar and maka learn to be the best of bros #they bond over tsubaki #tsubaki nakatsukasa #soma #soul evans

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