#people are gonna vote for the joke answer to the joke poll on the joke website

[funkmasterfuma]

Do people not realize that raging to people's ragebait only makes them post more ragebait? Rule number 0 of the internet is to not feed the trolls; they love when you get mad at them!!! That's how the fucking internet works!

#yeah this is about the Homestuck vs Paris is Burning poll #internet etiquette #don't feed the trolls #nobody earnestly believe Homestuck is better than Paris is Burning #people are gonna vote for the joke answer to the joke poll on the joke website

[badass-queer-couples-battle]

Sword gays showdown, poll for the third place of bracket two

Propaganda:

For Haruka/Sailor Uranus:

She wields the space sword, one three talismans. She's also in a canon sapphic relationship with fellow sailor soldier sailor neptune and later is raising a child with her and another sailor, sailor pluto. Their daughter calls her papa because she's also a genderqueer icon. 

For Hikaru Sulu:

1) Okay, first off: Which version am I submitting? Prime timeline (TOS) or Kelvin timeline (AOS, also known as the reboot movies if you're not in the fandom)? The answer is both. Prime Sulu has the more iconic fencing scenes (and is also said to have other sword related abilities) while Kelvin Sulu is canonically gay. Specifically as a tribute to George Takei btw who played prime Sulu in TOS and is famously gay and an LGBT+ rights activist among other causes. The picture provided is prime Sulu but if you've only watched AOS, feel free to vote for him anyway.

I'm not gonna link any videos here since that would probably exceed the scope of the propaganda section but clips should be pretty easy to find. And if you can't, just trust me: The TOS fencing scenes are amazing. The AOS one is probably fine too but it's been ages since I've watched it and I forgot it even existed so it can't have been THAT memorable.

Fun fact: George Takei initially didn't know how to fence and didn't find out he'd have to until pretty late and started taking fencing lessons only three weeks before the filming of that episode (The Naked Time) and apparently "became so out-of-control and boisterous that he had to be separated from the rest of the production personnel, for their own safety" which, in context of what the episode is about, is just absolutely amazing. Truly iconic.

Anyway, considering Star Trek is an important part of queer history (I'm only half joking) you need to vote for Sulu, we all know George Takei is an icon, make the right choice here.

2) When they got hit with the drunk virus he took his shirt off and started challenging people to duels. Iconic 

3) This bitch got the outer space disease that makes you silly, and revealed they were gung ho for fencing, and brought out their sabre to just. Swashbuckle. Goes "/oh my/," and is clearly gay and played by a gay actor

#sword gays showdown #haruka tenoh #sailor uranus #hikaru sulu #star trek #sailor moon #star trek aos #star trek tos

[unyandere]

Yandere villain x snarky reader who doesn’t mind dying- pt.2

Tw: some sass, insults, swearing, threats, possible ur mom jokes, bad English

For all the people who voted the other options during the poll: everything on the poll will be written in the near or not so near future, probably

Part 1

After three days of yelling “LALALALALALALA” to shut up the villain your throat hurts like hell and you can’t talk.

“Well, sweetheart, not so noisy now, are we?” He asks mockingly after you gradually stop shouting at him.

You give him a middle finger.

“What do you mean by that? Why don’t you tell me loud and clear what you mean, hun~?” He asks sarcastically feigning an innocent expression.

Saying that you want to kick him in the face is an understatement, if only you weren’t handcuffed you would have already killed him.

“My oh my, sweety, what’s with that grumpy face? Turn that expression upside down unless you want something to happen” he orders with an happy voice.

You just raise your eyebrows at the threat and prepare yourself to kick him if he gets closer.

“Wooow, I’m So sCaRed! WhAt wIlL I dO If sHe kIcKs mEee?” He says mockingly “now, honey, turn that grumpiness into happiness unless you want to experience some baaad 10 minutes”

He gets closer than he was before, but he’s still out of reach for your legs when he takes something from one of his pockets, you can’t see what he’s holding, tough.

“Now, babe, this is your last warning: stay grumpy and your gonna regret it” he says and activates the thing he had in his hand.

You can see some fire come out of whatever-it-was-he-was-holding-in-his-hand and pale a bit, your head is spinning while trying to come up with the best thing to do: changing your expression means losing to him, which means that he will use this method every time he wants something from you, but not complying with his request will get you hurt and it’s such a small thing you need to do, wouldn’t it be a shame to ruin your body just to win against him? But, if you do win against him during this quarrel he might not bother you again, since he’ll never convince you to do anything!

So… yeah you mess with him and get even grumpier, while giving him a ✨ triple middle finger ✨ (there are tutorials on how to do that on Youtube) .

“Oh, so that’s how it’s gonna be? Well, hun, you brought it upon yourself” he says, shrugging and holds the thing he has in his hand, you can now see that it’s a pretty big lighter.

He gets closer and closer, until he’s just centimetres far from your legs reach.

He takes the lighter and throws it on you.

You do your best to try not to show how scared you are, but it’s a pretty difficult task when you and your clothes are fucking burning

You shake and get the lighter off yourself, but your clothes are still burning and you don’t have anything to stop the fire, I mean, you do try to spit on the clothes, but it doesn’t seem to be working at all.

So… You just give up at the fact that you’ll die because of your clothes on fire… there are worse deaths, that’s for sure. You think of smiling, but don’t, you don’t want to give him this satisfaction.

You had already accepted your fate when the Villain just dumps some smelly water over you.

“What, sweetheart, you thought I’d just let you die?” He asks smiling at you like nothing happened.

You blink at him, trying to understand what just happened, and decide to give the finger to him, just to be sure you “voice” your thoughts.

“Wooow, how original!” He answers sarcastically in return.

So you decide to tell him “I fucked ur mom last night” with the ASL (American Sign Language) that you learnt as a kid to talk with a friend of yours.

The Villain just looks at you with a puzzled expression and then takes out his (really old) IPhone 4 and starts tapping something on it.

He then looks at you.

“Can you please redo the signs you did before, hun?” He asks with the phone in his hand.

You give him a classical, but still effective, middle finger.

“…Fuck you too, hun… Fuck you too…” he says, just giving up on translating what you signed.

You decide that from now on you’ll use the ASL more, just to piss him off.

You are sure that when you’ll be able to escape from here the first person you’ll be visiting will be your deaf friend and you’ll thank them from the bottom of your heart.

But to do that, you’ll have to think of a plan to escape or to get the hero to come here to rescue you.

#male yandere #yandere oc #yandere x reader #yandere x you #yandere #parody #yandere villain

[embarrassinglastwords]

the results are in!

with 314 votes these were the top 10 stsg moments people can’t believe are canon (top 10 based off of the ones i listed lmao) this will be long but i did say i was gonna make a post of the results so -

10: in last place with only 1.9% - their names complimenting each other + Geto’s robes being called “gojo-gesa robes”

i included these together cause they are similar imo. both being based around the other.

9: “the only one i have”

the iconic quote with 3.2% that is so misquoted cause of that translation that i’m pretty sure people ignore that that’s actually what he says rather than “my one and only”💀 (myself included but for the sake of the poll i did the accurate translation)

8: the light novel in general

maybe i’m biased cause of my user but only getting 3.8% of votes surprised me lmao.

i mean i just think about “Even if everything was different now, there was still one thing- from that very moment it all started- that had never changed” as well as “Geto Suguru It was a name that the Jujutsu tech organization feared…but to Gojo Satoru, he was—“ all the time

i posted more quotes from it here

7: with 7.3% (nanami surprise appearance) we have their official songs stated by Gege.

Shame On Me being Gojo’s

and Come Back Home being Geto’s.

6: 8.9% of votes for this insane moment from the newer chapters after Gojo’s resurrection lmao

him and Kenny are fighting and Gojo offers to fight on Dec. 24th (Geto’s death anniversary) with Kenny replying “How romantic”

this legit made me scream when the chapter came out… anyways

5: i almost didn’t include this moment because i was sure it was gonna win because of how often it’s brought up but i’m glad to see i was wrong💀

but still in the top 5 with 9.6% is Gojo recognizing Geto by smell in JJK0… i have nothing to add to that cause like. what.

4: with 10.5% we have Gojo’s last words to Geto being “3 words” as stated by Gojo’s english va! (which i also mentioned in the post linked above)

(that being paired with the light quotes above and “such embarrassing words” and it being words they had “never said to each other before” … we all know what he said…🙄)

3: with 12.4%, the one that made me spiral and realize Gojo is probably done for, Gege himself saying “one cannot exist without the other” about Gojo and Geto…

so either Geto is miraculously gonna come back or they are sharing a death anniversary lmao

2: at 18.8%!

the infamous vol 0 quotes that are 100% parallels because the entire movie is.

Gojo, to Yuta in reference to Rika: “Love is the most twisted curse of them all” (idk why i said 'worst curse' in the poll lmao)

Geto as he dies: “At least curse me a little at the very end.”

bangs my head into a wall… okay and number 1!!

1: at 23.6% is the stsg moment. “My six eyes tell me you’re Suguru Geto but my soul knows otherwise! Hurry up and answer, who the hell are you?!”

not only was seeing Geto the reason for him getting sealed but he went against his own power, his own technique which makes him the strongest, to listen to his soul. and to quote Song of Achilles (which i made a joke the other day about stsg being modern day achilles and patroclus) “He is half of my soul, as the poets say.”

okay this was the first poll i’ve done like this besides some random funny ones on my other blog and i can’t believe it got 300+ votes. maybe i’ll do more in the future if i can think of some topics.

#they make me insane #i just want them to be happy #i have my stsg playlists on repeat #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #gojo satoru #geto suguru #jjk manga spoilers #jjk spoilers #satosugu #sugusato #stsg #satoru gojo #suguru geto #jjk 0 #jujutsu kaisen 0 #poll results #batposting #batpostingships

[lutzlig]

Tumblrwoman Election Wrap-Up

To celebrate the end of this election, I'm gonna answer the rest of your questions!

First off:

Thanks everyone for participating! This ended up way bigger than expected. It was pretty exciting, seeing everybody chime in and participate.

Shoutout ESPECIALLY to all the people making fanarts, memes, etc... you people are incredible!!! Most of it can be found under #twe23, be sure to check it out, everybody!

Here's some highlights you people have made:

this github live number tracker made by @twilight-sparkle-irl during the vriska/katya poll. A THRILLING read!

this hollow knight miku oc by @anonymous-utility!! shes so cute...

@seasoned-cabbage made a wiki sandbox for the polls... it's so satisfying to see the stats laid out like this : D

@unidentifiedfroggy wrote fanfiction that just perfectly encapsulates the whole experience : ' )

General Q&A

"Who did you want to win?"

I myself think Vriska deserved the title most! I think vriska is just as integral to tumblr as Cecil is, if not more.

As for the other 2 involved, they didn't really care who won!

How often did you hear "Why are you pitting 2 bad bitches against each other"?

Often! One of us was going to count, but he got so annoyed that he stopped. You people need to get a new sentence.

"Why are there minors in a tumblrsexywoman contest?"

It's not a tumblr sexywoman contest, it's a tumblrwoman election! Before we made the poll, we considered whether it's better to throw out the minors or remove the "sexy" angle. We decided on the latter, mostly because this kind of competition would feel incomplete without tumblrgirls like miku and vriska.

Will you be doing this again next year?

Hm, not sure. Probably not! At least, I wasn't planning on it. We did this on a whim, and this is (SUPPOSED TO BE) my art blog.

I might make a blog for it next year, if these are still relevant and the demand is high (which i highly doubt).

Why didn't you answer my question?

I got like 130 asks this week and most of them were cries of pain and outrage. I was also incredibly busy irl until a day ago. If I didn't answer your question, Sorry!

Concerns about Corruption

According to the tags on these, every single one of the polls was rigged in some way or another. Particularly grievous examples of this were Miku's loss (I suspect Vriskavoters doing foul play (I am vriskavoters. I voted Bayonetta to sabotage Miku. Then i spent the whole day listening to Miku voicebank comparisons.)), and Marcie's win (Somebody accused the Adventure time subreddit of having swamped the poll. The post in question had 19 upvotes. The poll on tumblr had 92,123 votes).

What's more, I've been offered bribes!! Several american dollars! The political landscape of tumblr sure is a scary place...

Manners

Some of you really don't know how to act. This goes out to a small (but very, very vocal) minority - don't be a dick! Just because it's the internet does not mean you can just insult random strangers! This is a poll about fictional women, this is NOT a place to call people the r-word or imply someone is stupid for liking a character.

Some people left pretty graphic, violent messages. Most of these were jokes, but still. Take caution with the words you choose. This should go without saying, but telling strangers to "eat glass" and the like is not acceptable behaviour.

In the end, this was a competition between fictional characters, so seeing people arguing in the replies and trying to gain some sort of moral high ground was a little bit saddening.

Most of you were nice though, luckily : )

Thanks

To everyone who left kind messages, to everyone engaging and having fun, the fan art, the posts, to everyone expressing their thanks to us - thank you!!!

In the end, this was a lot of fun, and it was nice to see the website come together like that!

What's next?

For the next few days, I'm going to be promoting my friends' projects as much as I can to scare all of you people off of my blog.

I got WAY too many followers from this and frankly, that is simply not acceptable. You all need to leave NOW, because I want to get back to posting art eventually and I would rather not be on everybody's timeline.

That's why I have decided to become a massive sell out and reblog my friends' stuff on main for a bit. Peace!

#twe23 #tumblrwoman election asks #tumblrwoman election 2023

[suffarustuffaru]

I voted for Otto because while I do think Julius is the better boyfriend, Otto is the better friend no? At the very least my reasoning was that Otto has spent a year in proximity with Subaru collecting all sorts of small moments in addition to their bigger moments in arc 4, really forming the case for Otto to get the best friend title. Tho arc six really did make it hard to choose.

(for future reference this post is about this poll 👍)

HAH you raise really really good points yeah!! i honestly voted for julius as half a joke (arc 8 ch 24 to walk in the light was totally about otto being mad about juliemisuba if you squint. totally /lh) and absolutely if you took grown up subaru and told him to assign julius and otto as either boyfriend or best friend, julius would get the former (…..subarus attraction to julius is really really obvious HAHA) and otto would get the latter exactly for all the reasons you said as well yep!! ottos been living with subaru, ottos supporting subaru and their camp, etc etc hes been there more consistently, etc etc like otto is a very dedicated and loyal friend, but imo otto loses some points by arc 7-8 bc its the same dedication and loyalty that makes him shitty now :<<< mr otto “i walk in darkness” suwen, mr otto “im gonna not tell my friends about the tome or info that would save spicas life lol bc i want her dead” suwen, mr otto “its fine if 50 million people die” suwen :<<<<< at least julius is honest about wanting spica dead and he wont just let 50 million people die :<<<

but also you raise a good point bc otto IS a good friend in the sense that youll be alive as long as hes there bc he wont let you die. but will otto be alive by that point?? :<<<<<< will 50 million people still be alive????? will your previously problematic daughter figure be alive….??? a little debatable but hey hes dedicated ill give him that :<<< hes a good friend and he can definitely be kind and comforting and stuff but absolutely a questionable person BAHA and julius has got otto beat in the good person department LMAO. this is otto:

:<<<<<<< ottos Devoted……. but definitely not GOOD i think HAH. if dude worked on his moral code he’d be the bestest friend ever :<< like no person is not without their flaws yknow? ottos flaws just allow him to think about KILLING PEOPLE FOR YOU LMAOO 😭😭 its why i chose julius :<< that and i think it was really really funny to choose julius bc its the canon answer (see: otto punching a wall over julius like ok you asshole you can have your gay breakdown over julius and juliemisuba :<<)

but anyway ty for the ask, loved hearing your thoughts on the boy drama poll pfft. i think its a really funny poll for sure (and the moral dilemma side of the boy drama is interesting yes)

#rezero #re:zero #otto suwen #julius juukulius #ask #arc 8 spoilers #otto WOULD be the number 1 best boy friend for subaru if subaru wasnt the way he is HAHA #if you want chaos you pick otto. if you actually want something closer to stability you pick julius HAHA #but also yknow. julius has had the bulk of his development already and ottos developing in a new direction rn #hard to tell where otto’ll end up 👍

[emeritus-fuckers]

IMPORTANT!!

I'm gonna get scolded for this by a certain someone, but I still feel like I owe it to you, so uh... Yeah.

The reason this blog was so incredibly active (as I joked before, eight posts a day) was because I was on sick leave for the last two weeks, so I had a lot of free time.

Well, my sick leave just ended and I have to get back to university and work, which means I won't have as much time to write and post I would like to apologize for that. I have given you all a standard I am unable to keep up.

Due to the change in my schedule, I have decided to make a poll (I'll post it after work) and the Top 3 voted characters will have a yandere themed one shot each (Terzo, Secondo and Copia will be excluded, seeing as they all have one). I will do the same with the Yandere Ghouls poll.

I'll do my best to find time to still answer as many asks as I can while trying to keep the quality of my work. This blog, despite not even being a month old, is important to me and I hope to continue providing a safe space to all the people who come here.

I hope the offer I am making will be acceptable to all of you and I apologize in advance for the inconvenience.

- Jez

[demadogs]

Like I get all popular gay ships have a certain percentage of straight people shipping them and the more popular the ship, the more straights will be in there, statistically speaking, but as someone who is gay, "x ship is a gay ship for straights" is starting to rub me off the wrong way 😶

It was funny the first 10 times I heard it, but as a gay person on the other end, do you see how it might feel really shit to be told your interests are straight people things?

im gay and i absolutely love steddie. i think it had so much potential and i love the concept of bi steve so much. but in comparison to byler i said steddie was for straights as kinda a joke bc millions of queer people can identify with byler and seeing a a queer best friends to lovers slow burn in a scifi horror show especially one this popular is just so rare and its such a beautiful thing that its actually happen.

whereas steddie, eddie showed up for one season and steve eddie have become the biggest ao3 tag of the whole show and people voted for them in the script polls as if it’ll reveal anything? steddies so fun but we all know its not gonna happen.

and it kinda drives me crazy when people ship steddie but not byler. like ship wars are dumb and it shouldnt bother me, i know, but how do you ship a queer ship so hard core after just one season with barely any interactions, and the “gayest” interactions were improv, but are still oblivious and in denial of the COUNTLESS hints and clues and queercoding for byler? the answer i usually find is that theyre straight and still excruciatingly heteronormative. they’ll lose their shit over the improv’d line “dont ya big boy” but still use “we’re friends! we’re friends.” as evidence for mike not reciprocating his feelings and think we’re delusional.

it was a post criticizing some straight steddie fans, not steddie alone as a ship. i love steddie.

#im mostly talking about people on twitter i havent seen any annoying steddie fans here but that might be bc we’re all gay lmao #stranger things #byler #steddie #eden answers

[inventors-fair]

Heads up, the discord and submussion links are switched around

#stareyedesper #asks #we have polls!!!

[imagineabrighterworld]

{Four Hundred Thousand Yen} Tamaki Amajiki x Reader

Tamaki had a lot of questions in life, but the list was reordered the moment he was chosen for the date auction of 3-A.

Why me?

Why was my name in the bid?

Why did no one look surprised?

Was this rigged?

His last question was answered fairly quickly, the class did in fact rig the polls. It was a tie between him and Mirio, but after some convincing from Mirio and Nejire, the class had filled the ballot box almost entirely with Tamaki’s name.

“Why would you do this to me?” He mumbles into his desk as he bowed his head to keep from seeing his traitorous best friend. Mirio was standing next to his desk with a huge smile on his face. Tamaki couldn't see it, but he could hear it in his friend’s voice.

“It’ll be fun! Don't sweat it, you're gonna be great!”

“I-I can't even- go on stage..” Tamaki lifts his head to show his lips were trembling as he was on the verge of a breakdown. The thought of being on stage for people to bid on- what if no one wanted him? What if it was just silence and he wasn't picked at all? How embarrassing would it be when he left the stage without a single bid? “What if no one picks me? I-I would be humiliated.”

Mirio pats him on the back. “Trust me, there are plenty of girls and guys waiting to bid on you, I did a poll!”

Tamaki’s face burns red. “You what?” He squeaks out.

“Well not an official poll, but I asked around the school and everyone was pretty excited to hear you might be in the auction.” Mirio rubs his chin. “I’d say you had a good seventy percent of the students I asked.”

The wheels in Tamaki’s mind stutter as he focuses on the thirty percent that must have said no. He groans and stands up from his seat. “I'm going to the workshop..”

“3-H?” Mirio asks.

“Yeah..” Tamaki slides out of the classroom with his head ducked low. His face was still a bright pink when he entered the third year’s workshop. It was enormous compared to the first year’s space. It had gear and tech that the first years were not yet trusted with.

He walks around the empty room, looking at the half built suits and the observation window that separated the testing room from the rest of the space. It was a special glass that was essentially bomb-proof, nothing could break the glass, which made it essential for testing costumes that needed to undergo massive damage.

“Tamaki!”

He turns around to find you dragging a massive robot by a thick metal chain. You were covered in scuff marks and grease, but you had a light in your eyes that made him smile. His thoughts were briefly distracted by the date auction and instead directed towards you. You were one of his friends since his second year when he needed an update in his costume. He still got shy around you, but talking with you became easier the more he visited you.

It was a small miracle that you didn't mind his silent days. You both would listen to your radio while you worked. You didn't push him, and it was greatly appreciated. Sometimes he needed a break and you were there to take it with him.

“Whatcha doing here Tama-chan?” You release your grip of the chain, unbothered by the loud boom as the heavy chain falls to the ground. It was startling sometimes to remember that your quirk was strength based. You lifted gear so easily, it looked weightless to him. “Got a problem on your mind? You look like a shrimp.” You brush your gloved hand over his flushed cheek.

Tamaki rubs his face while looking to the ground. “Iwasvotedinforthedatingauction..” He whispers quickly.

“What was that?” You tilt your head. “You lost me at I.”

He takes a deep breath and speaks a tad bit louder. “I.. Was voted in for the dating auction..”

“Oh. … Oh.”

You both stand in silence, listening to the ticking of the clock in the room.

You're the first to break the quiet. “Mirio was behind it wasn't he?”

“And Nejire.” He adds softly. His best friends other than you, both ratted him out. They knew he had trouble with the spotlight, with his.. His self image.. He couldn't do it. “I think I'm going to call in sick. Mirio is more popular than me anyway, he’ll definitely get bids.”

“I think you should do it.”

He startles. “What?”

You smile down at him. With your work boots you were a good few inches taller than him. “You're really sweet Tama-chan, you're underestimating yourself again.” You tap him on the forehead. “Think of this as a mission. The goal is to get to the finish line. Don't think about how much you earn, think of getting to the end of the auction.”

“But I can't handle crowds-”

You put a hand on his shoulder. “Tamaki.”

He looks you in the eyes, his heartbeat racing as he sees your normally nonchalant expression turn serious.

“You're Suneater, an amazing hero that always gets the job done. This is just another job. And you're going to rock it.”

He gulps.

Just a job. Not a game, not an auction, just a job. Another mission that needed finishing.

He nods his head reluctantly. “Okay.”

“Good.” You pull him in for a side hug, completely forgetting you were covered in grease. “Now help me figure out what the hell I'm doing.”

-

The day of the auction was hectic. It was a festival, which meant that the class was divided into doing different jobs, a sixth went to preparing the auction with the other classes while the rest went on to handle food stands and games.

Mirio was in charge of the money earned during the bids while Nejire was the announcer.

Which left Tamaki alone behind the stage with the other “volunteers”. Some of the students actually did want to participate, but he could see from some of the faces that some where plucked forcefully by their classmates.

At least I’m not the only one. He thinks to himself.

He mourns quietly as the students file in line. The first to go were the first years, then the second, then the third years. Which meant he was the first of his year to go onstage.

So far the highest bid was for Todoroki of 1-A who got fifty-one thousand yen.

I'll be lucky if I get one hundred yen.

Tamaki fiddles with the cuffs of his suit. It was black with gold sun cufflinks. If it were a different occasion, he would have liked the suit. It was comfortable and completely black, allowing him to blend in rather than stand out. But in this situation he would have no choice but to stand out.

He squeezes his eyes shut as he hears his name called out.

“Next up, Tamaki Amajiki from Class 3-A!” Nejire cheers from beyond the stage.

With a small pat on his shoulder from the boy  behind him, Tamaki steps through the curtain and walks on stage.

Faces. So many faces.

The crowd was bigger than he thought, it was full of people-

“Remember, keep your head up, eyes to the sky, it'll be over before you know it. Trust me.”

Your words ring in his head as he walks down the catwalk, his eyes on a distant tree as he tries to keep from folding over in shame as numbers are called out.

Ten thousand yen. Thirteen thousand yen. Fifteen thousand yen. Thirty thousand yen.

He stops at the end of the stage and keeps his hands clenched at his sides. He felt like he was going to collapse-

“Two-hundred thousand yen!” A familiar voice chimes from the crowd of people.

Tamaki’s gaze snaps to Nejire who had floated off the stage and was staring at Mirio with a look of wonder. Who- What? What! Who would bid that much!

No it had to be a mistake!

“Four-hundred thousand yen!” It was the same person. “You're twisting my arm here Nejire!”

Tamaki scans the crowd for the voice.

No, it has to be a joke-!

You stand in the center of the crowd with one of the bidding panels in your hand. You were grinning widely. “Neji, I could go on forever, just give him to me.”

The crowd parts around you as they whisper the number incredulously.

Four-hundred thousand yen.

Tamaki didn't even expect to get a percent of that!

Nejire lands on the stage with a small thump. Her smile was nearly identical to yours. “Any other bidders? Going once. Going twice?” The crowd was talking but no new bid came up. “Tamaki Amajiki, sold for four-hundred thousand yen!”

-  

After the auction, Tamaki finds you with Mirio, a thick stack of yen in hand.

He runs to you. “Wait!”

You look back at him just as Mirio tucks the cash into the metal box full of bids. “Yeah?”

He stands across from you, frazzled and in desperate need of a good cry. He almost ran off stage just to keep from collapsing in fear.

“How could you- why did you-” He stumbles over his words. “Why did you bid on me? Why so much?”

You smile as you zip your wallet shut. “That’s easy Tama-chan. I knew you wouldn't feel comfortable going on a date with a stranger, so I paid an amount I knew no one would be able to beat.”

“But, it's your money..” He squeezes his hands into fists. “You can't just waste it on me, I’m not worth that much..”

You step away from Mirio and stand in front of Tamaki, fixing his crooked tie from running. “I'm an engineer. I know how much each part costs and the cost of the overall product. You're worth more than I could ever buy Tama-chan.” You press a small kiss on the tip of his nose. “And I couldn’t pass up the chance of getting dinner with you in that suit.”

Finally, Tamaki collapses in a fit of pink.

You look at Mirio.

He laughs. “He's all yours!”

His plan went just as expected.

#bnha #boku no hero academia #mha #my hero academia #bnha x reader #mha x reader #boku no hero academia x reader #my hero academia x reader #bnha tamaki #bnha tamaki amajiki #bnha tamaki x reader #mha tamaki #mha tamaki amajiki #mha tamaki x reader #Tamaki Amajiki x reader #based on the song GUY.exe #- Beta Connor

[gaythingliker69]

PLEASE READ

TW: transphobia, mentions of hate crime

Hi, so since my post the other night I feel a sort of responsibility to tell people the situation of trans people in the UK. The short answer is it’s really bleak. The first thing I’ll mention is that in 2017 a trans woman was given residency in New Zealand from the UK as she faced “persecution” for her gender identity. The NZ authorities ruled that to send her back here would be “unduly harsh”. This must be at the forefront of everyone’s mind when trans rights come up in the UK, though it’s been forgotten over the last few years.

At that point the Labour Party was sort of ok for trans rights, with then leader Jeremy Corbyn calling for self ID. He certainly wasn’t perfect but he was better than his replacement. Corbyn was replaced by Sir Keir Starmer last year, and in his campaign for the leadership he refused to sign a pledge for trans rights, which was signed by his competitors Rebecca Long-Bailey and Lisa Nandy. The fourth contender, Emily Thornberry, refused to sign the pledge but spoke of her support for trans rights after the fact. Gemma Stone, a trans woman who said she was considering joining Labour but decided against it, described Starmer’s silence on the issue as “deafening”.

These days, Parliamentary support for trans rights comes from the backbenches - Members of Parliament who don’t hold a position as a government minister or shadow government minister. These include Zarah Sultana (the responses on that tweet are awful, but gives you an idea of what we’re up against) and Nadia Whittome of the Labour left, and Layla Moran of the Liberal Democrats, the first MP to identify as openly pansexual. Nicola Sturgeon, leader of the Scottish National Party, has called transphobia “not acceptable” in her party. However, Moran lost the LD leadership contest to Sir Ed Davey in 2020, so no party in Parliament in England and Wales has a platform for trans rights. Starmer has appeared to embolden transphobia by not cracking down on MPs like Rosie Duffield. We are very much on our own. Even on the far left, often accused of supporting trans rights as a means to undermine Western civilisation or something (I joke but I think you get my point), has major issues with it. The Communist Party of Britain has rumours and allegations of transphobia in its ranks, and the Communist Party of Great Britain (Marxist-Leninist) infamously referred to LGBT+ politics as “anti-Marxist” and “anti working class”. Are there no working class LGBT+ people? Regardless, even the people who are labelled as liking us don’t appear to.

And Johnson’s Conservatives are a non starter. Just this year, they proposed making unenrolled deed polls (a method of quickly changing your name) invalid. This would mean there is a publicly available list of trans people and other vulnerable individuals, like those trying to escape or disassociate from abusive partners. The process would require consent from any spouse (the only other process of this nature that requires this is gender recognition for trans people) and the addresses of those who have changed their names would be public knowledge. I shouldn’t have to tell you how dangerous that is. It also appears there is little being done to stop the rise in hate crime, which were reported to have quadrupled last year. Politics is openly hostile from nearly every corner, it would seem.

In terms of healthcare there has been a similar decline. The BBC described waiting lists of over 3 years for gender clinics as “hell” (bear in mind this article was written before the pandemic hit the UK), though there were claims on Twitter that these times were up to 60 months in some places. These waiting times can lead to people taking the unfamiliar and often expensive private route. The High Court recently ruled that under 16s are unlikely to be able to give informed consent on puberty blockers, a troubling ruling that could have dangerous consequences depending on how the courts extend it in the future. The ruling that puberty blockers can only be used after you’ve gone through the bulk of puberty is a really curious one from a logical standpoint - they are not hormones, they are not irreversible. But I fear that’s what the courts or Parliament will come for next.

If you’re looking for an alternative source with different information from someone older, here’s a decent thread on how British transphobia partly emerged from the Skeptics in the Pub movement, making it unique to this hellish little rock.

This overview is really brief, and it would require me going a lot further in depth to go into how the media has fed into this, the controversies surrounding certain private doctors, or different groups and dog whistles they’ve adopted. But for now, I honestly feel quite helpless. There’s not much you can do to affect Parliament, especially not with the new laws coming in around protest in the Police, Crime, Sentencing, and Courts Bill. Petitions are useless unless they’re done through the Parliament website. If they gain 10,000 signatures they go to a petitions committee, then maybe the House of Commons itself. Only to be almost definitely voted down by Johnson’s Conservatives and their majority. Just please, spread this for all of us living here, and give any sort of suggestions for action. I fear this is going to get far worse before it gets better. We can but hope I’m wrong.

Update: 05/05/21

There have been some recent developments that I’m gonna note. I might use this as a sort of compilation document of documenting our position here.

Maya Forstater was a contracted consultant at the Centre for Global Development. Her contract wasn’t renewed in 2019 after a series of transphobic Twitter posts caused staff to complain about her. She received support from the Index for Censorship and was able to crowdfund her campaign. At the Central London Employment Tribunal, Judge James Tayler branded her views “not worthy of respect in a democratic society”. He said that her views weren’t protected under the Equality Act 2010 as they “violated the dignity” of trans people due to her insistence on misgendering. Judge Tayler did not say she couldn’t conduct so called ‘gender critical’ campaigns.

Part of Tayler’s judgement from the above linked article, the judgement itself can be read here. Various views on the case can be found in the ‘Reaction to the tribunal judgement’ of the Wikipedia article.

Forstater appealed, and there is yet to be a judgement. However, the Equality abs Human Rights Commission has intervened to say that Forstater’s beliefs are protected under the Equality Act as they are philosophical beliefs. The irony in this should be clear. The equality watchdog making an effort to protect bigotry over people’s right not to face abuse. I’ll update this when the decision is handed down, which will be later in the year.

#trans #lgbt #lgbtqiia+ #lgbtq #lgbtqia #lgbtq rights #transgender #mtf #ftm #ftm transgender #mtf trans #mtf transgender #ftm trans #trans rights

[elsanna-shenanigans]

February Contest Submission #11: Untitled Story

words: ca. 1100 setting: mAU lemon: no cw: suggestive/sexual language

Note: This story is sadly disqualified from the contest and will not be included in the poll as it is not eligible to be voted on. It is still posted to honor the Author’s hard work, and can still be reviewed by the Reviewing Club. Reason of DQ: did not meet the prompt of Ancient Worlds.

“I’ve got this,” Anna said under her breath to hype herself up as she dodged and weaved her way past the other students in the Student Center of Arendelle University. She ignored the glances of the other people. Hadn’t they seen someone talking to themselves before?

Well, even she had to admit that she probably made quite the sight. It wasn’t every day that one would see a clumsy redhead sprinting through the halls of a university with ragged breaths, flushed cheeks, and a slightly bulky backpack, which she barely managed to zip around her textbooks and the armfuls of chocolate she somehow stuffed in there.

Then again, it was Valentine’s Day, so she assumed there would be a pass on crazy behavior. Anna only hoped her own Valentine’s Day plans would work in her favor.

It had all begun with her “French History I” course she started in January. As a Music Performance major, she hadn’t understood why she even needed a history course, but it was a requirement to graduate.

After her first exam, which she failed miserably, Anna was already mentally preparing to drop out and join a circus or something. Then her professor had given her another option: a tutor.

Anna had known that Arendelle University offered tutoring for its students, but she had never taken advantage of it before. However, since her options were tutoring or failure, she reluctantly agreed.

Then she met Elsa. Her tutor was the most beautiful woman she had ever seen. It wasn’t just her long snowy blonde hair or her bright blue eyes that lit up every time Anna managed to understand a topic. It was the way her lips thinned when she was trying to think of a way to answer Anna’s questions. It was the silly historical puns she came up with to help Anna remember key dates and names. It was all that and more.

Anna couldn’t say without a doubt that she was in love with Elsa since this was the first girl for whom she had ever felt this way, but there was no doubt in her mind that she wanted to find out.

After the fastest two minutes of her life, she finally reached her destination: a windowless door marked “Tutoring II.”

Before she opened it, however, she hesitated.

It was a simple plan. Walk into the room, look into Elsa’s dreamy eyes, and confidently offer her best pick up line. It couldn’t fail. Either Elsa would swoon and they would live happily ever after, or Elsa wouldn’t and Anna could play it off as a joke, since it was Valentine’s Day. It was fool-proof.

“I’ve got this,” Anna reassured herself again, putting her hand on the doorknob. With a deep breath, she pushed the door open. Crystal blue eyes met turquoise and Elsa grinned in recognition as she shoved her phone into her bag.

“Hi, Anna! What’s in the-?” Elsa trailed off as Anna, clearly flustered, walked right up to her, refusing to break eye contact. She tilted her head, concerned, and asked, “Anna…?”

“Elsa,” Anna began, louder than she intended, “Are you Charles-Henri Sanson? ‘Cause I always lose my head around you.”

The following ten seconds of silence were almost two much for Anna. She could hardly bear to look at Elsa, but she was relieved to see the confused squint of Elsa’s eyes morph into a full-faced grin that almost made Anna think of a cat toying with a canary.

With expert charisma, Elsa calmly responded, “Are you a French tower built in 1887? Because Eiffel for you.”

“Wha-?” Anna couldn’t speak. This wasn’t what she expected. Her charisma tank was depleted when she belted out her own pick up line. She didn’t expect Elsa to have one readily available.

For her part, Elsa just smirked at Anna’s flustered demeanor. Anna loved and hated that smirk. On the one hand, it was Elsa’s smirk and she could really pull off a smirk. On the other hand, she didn’t like accepting defeat. So she dug her heels into the ground of this metaphorical tug-of-war and wracked her brain for any pick up lines she could think of regarding the material she studied with Elsa.

Like she was on a game show, racing for a fast answer, she nearly shouted, “Damn, girl, you’re hotter than Joan of Arc!”

Elsa’s newly formed blush didn’t slow her down in the slightest as she stood and expertly returned, “Are you Marie Antoinette? Because you’re causing an uprising in my lower class.”

Anna’s eyes widened at the innuendo, but she couldn’t give up now. She stepped closer.

“You can call me William of Normandy, ‘cause I’m gonna invade you from the South!” she said with satisfaction. There was no way Elsa could beat that off the top of her head.

“They call me Titanic. When I go down, the women always get off first.”

Anna was now a blushing mess. She had no other pick up lines. All she could do was childishly mutter, “Cheater…” as she stared at her shoes.

“What?” Elsa asked as she leaned forward to look into Anna’s eyes. Anna hadn’t noticed how close they were.

“I’m taking French history I, the Titanic was British,” she said with a pout.

“The Titanic actually docked in France from after leaving Southampton,” Elsa said with her stupid-cute tutor voice. She then said, a bit softer, “You’re cute when you pout, but I prefer your smile.”

Anna’s eyes widened as she felt Elsa’s finger under her chin, gently guiding her head up until their eye contact returned.

“I take it the Valentine’s Day bug has affected you too?” Elsa asked with a gentle smile, the competitiveness from earlier long gone.

“Uh, well, yeah. I just wanted to give you a pick up line, but I was super nervous, so I thought if I just kept eye contact, you would be flustered and I could tell you how I feel, like ripping off a bandage. Not like in a bad way, but in a good way, you know? Like how you rip off a bandage and there’s a healed spot there. But then you said a line back, so I couldn’t just let you win. And next thing I know we were going back and forth, and oh my gosh I’m rambling, aren’t I?”

Elsa giggled and put a hand on Anna’s shoulder. With mirth in her eyes, she asked, “Let me get this straight. Your sudden bravado when you walked in here was all so you could ask me out?”

“Well, yeah, but now that I think about it, I don’t even know if you’re gay or single, so I guess I kind of jumped the gun, but-“

“Well, maybe you could ask me. Over lunch.”

“Like, a date?” Anna asked bluntly.

“If you think you can handle it, sure,” Elsa joked.

With a belly full of butterflies, Anna grinned.

“Oh, I’ve got this.”

#elsanna #submission #February 2021 contest #prompt: ancient worlds

[geeky-politics-46]

The Asgardian Candidate

Loki/The West Wing FanFiction Crossover

Chapter 2 - “The Interview”

“Alright let's try the budget deficit question again. Your answer was fine, but simplify it. You aren't teaching an economics class. Remember, 10 words. Besides if you bore the voters to death then they can't vote for you."

Toby Ziegler explained as he coached president Jed Bartlet ahead of the first debate. As communications director he had the vital role of making sure the president was prepared for anything the moderators might throw at him.

“Ah, but if I've bored them to death then they can't vote for the other guy either. That's called playing the long game Toby." The president smiled cheekily & tapped his temple with his index finger.

Clearly the long nights of drills weren't wearing on him quite as roughly as they were on his staff.

“Besides I've never seen this guy go more than a single sentence on policy before redirecting the conversation to himself. The man's the biggest narcissist I've ever seen. Did we ever get an answer on why he wears those horns? It’s gonna look less like a debate & more like a bull fight. Leo, be sure to remind me not to wear red.”

Sam Seaborn rubbed his eyes in exhaustion & managed to cut the president off before he kept talking.

“Yeah, but see that's part of the problem Mr. President. If you start reciting policy point by point in detail you're going to appear out of touch with the average voter. They will feel like you're talking down to them." He said expanding on Toby's point.

“You gotta thread the needle here. Give them enough detail that they are confident you know what you are talking about, but succinct enough to keep the atmosphere light & engaged. Frankly a joke or two wouldn't hurt either… & no, still no answer on the horns.”

Bartlet shifted his position in front of the desk, glanceing over to Leo who gave a single nod. He took a deep breath & rubbed his brow.

“Alright guys let's take it from the top, but only once more or you’re gonna have to explain to Abby why I apparently don't need to sleep anymore."

“Not it!” Toby & Sam both exclaimed in unison. Leo rolled his eyes, sometimes he swore this was really a high school & could not possibly be how the White House actually functioned.

“Fine Mr. President, any heat you get from the first lady send it my way. What’s she gonna do spill my deepest darkest secrets? Abby’s known me long enough to know the dirt I have on her in return. Frankly I’d just opt for her to kill me instead.”

“Okay, & now that we’ve finished that trip down dark scary memory lane, it’s back to policy.” As Toby was opening his mouth to begin asking the first question the door burst open & Josh came running in with his arms in the air.

“I got it, I got it! Victory is mine! I found it! I found the thing we’ve been waiting for!” Everyone stared at Josh in surprise & confusion, Leo was finally the one who broke the silence.

"Okay first of all, no more coffee for you Josh. Second of all, what the hell are you talking about? What thing did you find?"

A proud smile appeared on Josh's face as he extended his hand towards Leo. He was holding a flash drive. “Our ace in the hole Leo. I found our ace in the hole."

Leo raised an eyebrow & took the drive from Josh. He silently read the handwritten label, Loki interview - Meet The Press, with that morning’s date written underneath it.

With tentative hope he glanced back up, meeting Josh's jubilant gaze. "Mr. President, I think we're gonna have to adjourn ahead of schedule tonight.”

——————————

"If it's Sunday, it's Meet The Press. I'm your host Chuck Todd. On today's show we are joined by Loki Laufeyson, the bombastic presidential candidate turning the institution on it's head. But what really makes this candidate tick?"

Even now watching the replay hours later Loki was still seething with rage.

That bumbling idiot of a host had dared bring up his relationship with his family. He never spoke about them for a reason. His heart still ached from his mother's death. She was the one person who had truly believed in him, & now she was gone.

His father, his adopted father, had always treated him as less than his older brother. Odin had groomed Thor for the throne. Using Loki as a mere pawn in his game to make Thor work harder to become the king Odin planned him to be. His brother was oblivious to his pain. Frankly Loki thought Thor was oblivious to most things. He was too busy trying to impress Odin to see how much his actions hurt his younger brother.

They would never be equals in the eyes of their father. Nor in the eyes of the Asgardian people. Loki was cruelly aware of that now.

That was why he had come to Midgard in the first place. To find a throne of his own or take one by force if he had to, & leave the memories of his father & brother behind.

The interview had started mundane enough. The host was painfully tedious, but Loki had discovered most of these talking heads & pundits were.

A few questions about how the campaign was going, polling numbers, & his growing following. Then of course the policy questions. Loki had discovered merely a sentence or two on the specific topic was enough to pacify most hosts & voters before switching back to his main message. That they were in dire need of a leader, & he was the one who would save them from themselves.

Then Loki began to lose his control on the interview. "Now we always see you alone on the stump. We know you are a bachelor, your devoted female following has managed to dig up that much at least."

Loki was still basking in thoughts of his future adoring female subjects when the host began to prod beneath the god’s composed facade.

"What about family? We've learned very little about your parents & your brother." The mere mention of Odin & Thor sent his blood running cold, his signature smile was swiftly replaced with a firm set scowl. Loki gathered all his strength & tried his best to charm his way out if the situation.

“Well my dear mother was sadly killed, a loss I still mourm to this day. She was truly a magnificent woman. The rest of my family is back in Asgard. It's as simple as that really." Punctuating his statement with a big winning smile to hopefully end that train of thought.

The host however continued to push. Each question chipping farther away at Loki's controlled demeanor. "Are you close with your father?... What about your brother?... Is family important to you?"

By the end of the show Loki couldn't even hear the words the host blathered. He could only hear his own pulse pounding in his head. He knew his anger was visible on his face. This public undoing of his carefully cultivated image only enraged him further.

How could such an imbecilic mortal have touched such a live wire in a god? If it weren't for the TV cameras he would have snapped the man's neck right then & there. For the time being though his revenge on the host would have to wait. He had bigger concerns at the moment.

He was now vulnerable, a soft spot had been exposed to the world & more dangerously to his competition. Loki had no doubt Bartlet's team would try to use this moment of weakness to their advantage. He no longer had the high ground in this fight, but he mentally vowed to reclaim it.

Loki was not about to let Thor & Odin be his undoing yet again.

#loki fanfic #loki laufeyson #loki fanfiction #marvel fanfiction #marvel fanfic #mcu fanfiction #mcu loki #president loki #marvel loki #marvel president loki #loki disney+ #loki odinson #west wing fanfiction #the west wing #west wing fanfic #president bartlet #jed bartlet #josh lyman #toby ziegler #sam seaborn #cj cregg #abbey bartlet #leo mcgarry #donna moss #marvel #crossover fanfiction #president loki fanfiction #president loki fanfic #talk politics to me #political fanfic

[lankylevi]

Rating: E Relationships: Levi Ackerman & Eren Jaeger Tags: Kinktober 2019, Smut, Top Levi, Bottom Eren Yeager, Halloween Costumes, Werewolves.

Summary: Chapter 1: Overstimulation with Werewolf Levi: Top Levi & Bottom Eren.

Note: It’s officially the 15th here which means this is finally getting posted! Overstimulation is this month’s poll winner and this is also written for @ererismutprompts costume party prompt! (If you want early access to all my works and wanna vote on what I should write next, consider becoming my patreon for only $1! (Link in bio))

Read on AO3 or below

“I can’t believe I’m wearing this.”

“Your own idea backfired at you,” Jean snorted as Eren walked out of his room in a full sexy bunny costume. He didn’t even try to keep in his enjoyment and fell into a whole laughing fit while Eren tried to find a coat long enough so people wouldn’t think he was some type of hooker when they’d walk to the costume party.

Eren grumbled, “Since when are you even decent at Overwatch?” They had placed a bet, five games, the loser had to embarrass himself by wearing one of those slutty, pin up bunny costumes with huge ears to Hanji’s costume party on Friday. Meanwhile the other could just go as Batman.

“Since Armin taught me,” Jean said and Eren had to roll his eyes.

Armin, their mutual friend and the one who introduced them to Hanji, had been obviously flirting with Jean. And Jean cockily flirted back, but neither of them had the actual guts to make a move. “Just fucking date already.”

“Wha- me and Armin? You’re joking,” Jean feigned offense and Eren slapped him on his bicep.

“You better make a fucking move tonight or I’m telling.”

“So I take the attention away from your ass cheeks hanging out? Haha- Auw!”

Eren’s palm connected to the back of his roommate’s head as he glared at him. “Let’s just go and get this over with.”

At a quarter past eleven, they arrived at the party and Hanji eagerly opened the door to their apartment. Hanji was a chipper brunet, always acting like they were high on crack and tonight was no different.

“Welcome boys,” they slurred. The roommates already felt the vibrations of the music inside their chests and a wave of alcohol and weed hit them as Hanji leaned against the doorframe. “you’re smoking hot tonight.”

“Eren!” Armin wriggled his way through the dancing crowd, waving his hand enthusiastically, “Oh, and hi, Jean.” Of course, Armin would be dressed as Robin. As if they could be any more obvious.

Jean nodded and Eren waved back in response, shaking his head.

“Hanji, I think Levi needs your help.” Armin nudged their side with his elbow, “He’s about to make two girls cry.”

“Ugh, Leviiii.”

With that, Hanji disappeared back into the crowd and Armin showed them where they could hang their coats.

“Looks like Jean won, huh?” Armin said, trying to keep his snorts and giggles under control as Eren fumbled with the hem of his coat.

“‘S your fault. Look where your stupid crush got me.” Glaring, Eren finally got rid of the article of clothing after taking a long breath. No one would even bat an eye at him right now, he definitely wasn’t the only slutty something at this party. Fishnets also weren’t as comfortable as they looked and he was pretty sure half of the back of his costume had disappeared between his ass cheeks.

Armin chuckled, “Well, you look good. Maybe you’ll also... you know.”

“You can say “get laid” Ar,” Eren huffed, smirking when his best friend’s face got as red as a tomato. “What? You’re saying you’re not going on that horse cock tonight? Hahaha!”

“I swear to God, Eren,” Armin shushed him, “stop calling it a horse cock, I’m not a freak.”

Eren pressed his lips firmly together, trying to keep himself from bursting out laughing. “Right.” Armin wasn’t exactly the most vanilla person, he was in fact the reason why Eren had discovered some of his own kinks. Not together, no, no, they’d never. But Ar’s browsing history had revealed some of his own weird fetishes and that was how Eren actually found out there was this thing called ‘knotting’. Very sci-fi but hey, Armin couldn’t kinkshame him when he was into even weirder shit than he was.

All flustered, Armin dragged him through the dancing crowd till they found their usual group of friends. Mikasa was wearing a Marceline of Adventure Time costume while her girlfriend, Annie,  a Princess Bubblegum one; not looking entirely happy about it. It was cute though, cuter than the Batman and Robin Jean and Armin were trying to pull off while still convincing everyone there was nothing going on between them. Did they really think they were all blind?

Mikasa nodded at where Jean and Armin stood and Eren turned his head to see Horseface filling up Ar’s cup. Idiots, he thought before Annie couldn’t suppress the urge to comment on his outfit any longer. “Isn’t it a little too early for Easter?”

“That pink really evens out your bitterness, Annie.”

“Oeh-oh! What a burn.”

“Okay, easy you two,” Mikasa interrupted them for the millionth time. “Eren, go socialize with my cousin, he also lost a bet.”

Eren followed her stare and his eyes landed on a shirtless raven, angrily sipping on his cup. “Don’t mind if I do.” Did he seriously say that out loud?

“Gross,” Annie scrunched up her nose and Mikasa shook her head.

“Please don’t get it on with my cousin, Eren.”

“Why? Is he gay?” Eren looked at her expectantly with a wicked grin. Not caring to wait for her answer, he straightened his back and made sure to sway his hips a little as he strolled towards the shirtless man. Luckily his heels weren’t too high or he would’ve probably made a fool out of himself already. Please be gay, please be gay, please be gay.

“Oh, yes, he’s definitely not straight,” he mumbled to himself as he saw the raven’s eyes raking over his body while smirking with a raised brow. This meant he could go for his usual strategy; teasing, teasing and some more teasing.

Instead of walking straight at him, he went for a detour and grabbed himself some punch, making sure to stick out his butt as he filled his red cup with the green, witchy liquid. He looked over his shoulder, sending the raven a flirty grin before he turned on his heels and leaned against the nearest wall. He took small gulps of his drink, which actually wasn’t bad at all, kudos to Hanji taking extra bartending classes.

The raven still hadn’t moved from his spot, so Eren went to phase two. He side-eyed Mikasa’s cousin and while their eyes locked he seductively bit his lip as he ran a hand through his chocolate brown locks. Fucking finally. The raven walked towards him and while Eren was surprised by his short stature, he sure didn’t mind the perfect set of abs and scowl on his face. Emotional unavailability, count him in.

“So, what are you supposed to be?” Eren said while lowering his cup, not hiding the fact that he was eyeing him up and down like a piece of meat.

Rolling his eyes, the raven pointed at Hanji who was currently doing the limbo. “A werewolf, Hanji’s fault.”

“Where are your tail and ears then…?”

“Levi,” and he shook his head, “I left them at home. Plus, I’m supposed to be Jacob from that Twilight bullshit.”

“Ah, quality literature,” Eren nodded, chuckling under his breath before he took another sip of his drink. “All he did was walk around shirtless anyway and you’re certainly pulling it off.”

Levi scoffed and raised one of his brows, “I would almost think you’re hitting on me…?”

“Eren,” he smiled, “and so what if I am?”

“I’m not complaining,” Levi said and he took the brunet’s drink out of his hand, the brief skin to skin contact making the tips of Eren’s ears burn, and downed it in one go. “So, Eren.”

Clearing his throat, Eren tried to keep his composure as Levi sent him a toothy grin, he was gonna eat him alive wasn’t he? “Hmm?”

“I happen to like bunnies, so how about we go to my place?” The raven said and stretched an arm to touch Eren’s waist, gently digging his fingers into the soft skin. “Only to see my tail and ears of course.”

Gulping, Eren’s mouth went dry and he enthusiastically nodded his head as he felt the heat spread through his body and straight to his crotch. Embarrassing.

Within a matter of minutes, he found himself in the passenger seat of Levi’s car and the raven fastened his seat belt for him, whispering in his ear to behave if he wanted him to be nice. In all honesty, the thought of Levi fucking him roughly stirred him up more, making his cock strain against the confinements of his costume.

“Now be a good little bunny and sit still,” Levi smirked as he hovered over him before dipping down and hungrily clashing their lips together. Pants and moans spilled from the boy’s lips and he rutted his hips against Levi’s hand palming his cock. Eren whined in protest when the raven quickly pulled away before he slid in the driver’s seat. “Better not distract me while driving if you want to come tonight.”

Eren was almost certain he heard Levi purr when he wrung his hands together to keep them occupied and a shot of arousal slid up his spine. He really was gonna have him for dinner and nothing excited the brunet more.

With his legs wrapped around Levi’s waist, Eren didn’t pay any attention to where he actually was when he was slammed against the nearest wall. Levi’s tongue swiped roughly over Eren’s bottom lip and the raven ravished his mouth as he clawed at his clothes.

A surprised gasp spilled past the boy’s lips when Levi ripped his clothes with his nails and left a trail of shreds behind them as he was being carried down the hall to what he presumed was Levi’s bedroom. He was thrown on the bed and within seconds Levi hovered over him and pinned his hands above his head. “Little rabbit fell into my trap.”

Eren never thought he’d be into dirty talk, let alone roleplay, but with the pure animalistic lust Levi was treating him, he couldn’t help but get even more turned on. “Aren’t you going to be nice to me?” Eren bit his lip and Levi’s eyes went from soft grey to vibrant silver at his words.

“Not in the slightest,” Levi sent Eren another toothy grin and a wave of arousal coursed through Eren’s body at the sight. “You have a thing for my teeth?”

Pressing his lips firmly together and keeping himself from making embarrassing noises as he saw Levi swiping his tongue over the sharp edge of his canine, Eren nodded his head and shuddered under his hold.

“You won’t be able to keep quiet once I start having my fun with you, little rabbit,” Levi purred in his ear, rutting his hips so the fabric of his jeans slid roughly over Eren’s pink cock. Leaning down, he bit and sucked on one of Eren’s pierced nipples, rolling the bud between his teeth until the brunet was gasping and thrusting his hips up. “Sensitive? How cute.”

With every action and word Levi gave him, Eren felt his mouth go dryer and dryer and his cock grow impossibly harder. Pearly fluid leaked freely on his stomach, leaving a slick mess all over his chest as Levi hooked his hands under the back of Eren’s knees and pushed forward.

High pitched whimpers and moans spilled past Eren’s lips every time Levi darted out his tongue to lap over his sensitive hole. “L-Levi…” His voice came out shaking and broken as the raven wriggled his tongue past the tight ring of muscle and started thrusting it ever so slowly. Eren wasn’t going to last long.

As Levi bit into the round globe of Eren’s ass, the boy yelped and quickly succumbed under his touch as Levi slid one finger in slowly. He hummed at the tight heat with a smirk before planting another bitemark on the tanned skin. He added his tongue to the mess, alternating between pushing it deep into his ass as he hooked two fingers to spread his hole, and biting down onto his cheeks, close to breaking the skin.

With an angled thrust of Levi’s fingers, Eren tensed and cried out as thick ropes of come streaked over his red collarbones. His chest heaved, cock twitching as Levi milked his prostate dry and kept going until it left the boy completely shaking and blabbering, “L-Levi, I- I already came.”

“I know,” Levi said flatly, lapping over his hole again and angling his fingers, abusing the sensitive bundle of nerves inside Eren’s body until he started begging for him to stop. “Stop? I’m not even nearly done with you.”

Eren’s eyes blew wide at the words, cock growing hard again under the rough treatment of Levi’s tongue swiping over the seam of his balls and dipping into the slit. “I… can’t.”

“You’re a brave little human, you can take it,” Levi smirked as he shoved his nose into the neatly trimmed hairs at the base of Eren’s dick, taking in a deep breath. The action left Eren lost for words as the raven continued and unbuttoned his jeans to let his cock spring free.

It was nothing like Eren had ever seen in real life; Levi’s cock was slightly ribbed, thicker at the base and his cockhead had a pinkishly red sheen to it, just like the dildos he had seen on pornhub and both excitement and fear took over his body. He swallowed thickly, not knowing exactly what to say or do as the raven crawled closer and leaned down to leave a sloppy kiss just below his ear, “Never seen a real werewolf? Adorable.”

Eren’s world flipped upside down as he was pushed down onto his stomach, ass sticking up in the air. He immediately moaned at being so deliciously manhandled, previous worries left forgotten as Levi spread his cheeks and poured a decent amount of lube onto the crevice of his ass. He didn’t care at this point, he wanted to get fucked by Levi and his werewolf dick. Would he also have a knot?

With a slap on his ass, Eren yelped and looked back over his shoulder, blush turning crimson as Levi spanked him again. He was really hitting all of his kinks tonight and he didn’t even realize it.

“Stop thinking, brat,” Levi said as his palm connected to Eren’s ass cheek again, leaving a stinging burn in its wake before he slid three lubed up fingers inside the brunet. “I can smell you’re distracted, come back to me. All of you.”

Eren moaned loudly into the pillow as Levi grabbed his hips and buried his entire length inside of him in one smooth motion. The brunet felt every ridge and bump stroking across his walls with bruising force, clamping down on the thick cock. He got a well deserved minute to get used to his length and girth before the werewolf increased his pace slowly.

He felt everything, the claws digging into his hips, Levi’s cock moving in and out of his willing hole, his hot breath against his spine and his own cock roughly rubbing over the covers. Everything was too much and yet he wanted, craved more of Levi. An insatiable hunger he had never experienced before overrode all logical thought and he rocked his hips backward against Levi’s.

The sound of skin slapping on skin filled the room as Levi started moving with bruising force, letting the animal inside of him take over as the little human beneath him moved and moaned so willingly. “Uncover your mouth, let me hear your pretty noises, my brave rabbit.”

Eren titled his head slightly to the side, letting the werewolf’s ears pick up on the soft pants and moans he made as he buried himself deep inside his ass.

“Prepare yourself, boy.” Levi snarled, angling his hips to slam precisely against his prostate, turning Eren into a drooling, blabbering mess as the werewolf fucked him roughly.

Eren whined in overstimulation as his prostate was abused to the point his entire body trembled and tears rolled down his cheeks, feeling too good for words. He gasped at the sensation of Levi’s cock growing bigger, stretching his hole wider with each thrust.

With a deep rumble inside his chest, Levi launched forward and bit down on Eren’s nape, drawing blood, as he slammed his cock deep inside Eren. Knot growing to its full size, stretching the human impossibly wide, he came in the boy’s ass, painting his insides with thick ropes of his come.

He felt beyond full, cum and knot filling him up to the brim and when Levi’s teeth sank into his flesh, his second release crashed over him. He came untouched, cock twitching and spurting his come on his stomach and the covers. A sleepy smile spread across his face when Levi held his hips up as his body lost its final strength.

Completely satisfied, Levi planted a kiss on the back of Eren’s neck, whispering sweet praises in his ear as sleep washed over the little human. “My sweet Eren.”

It was dawn when Eren awoke, the sun peeking through the curtains. He was tucked in bed, clean, and with a pair of pajama pants on. The smell of tea and something sweet filling up his nostrils.

It took him a moment to recollect his thoughts, the vivid images of last night flashing before his eyes. As he stood, the heavy pain in his hips along with the purple bruises and red marks all over his body served as another reminder that all of it had been indeed, very real.

With a droopy grin, he got up from the bed and shuffled towards the source of the sweet, hearty smell, finding Levi sitting on one of the chairs in nothing but sweatpants and two sets of pancakes in front of him. Had he cooked breakfast?

Levi’s eyes shot up once Eren peaked his head past the doorframe and he instantly jumped up and wrapped his arms around the brunet’s waist. He held him gently, a purr rumbling in his chest as he nuzzled his nose in his human’s neck. “Morning.”

Overwhelmed by the sudden affection, Eren stammered, “Morning.” Levi was so gentle with him, a complete 180 compared to last night, but it honestly felt right? As if their bodies remembered each other from before and were finally reunited. Eren laughed under his breath, how silly of him.

#ereri #riren #eren x levi #levi ackerman #rivaere #eren jaeger #mywriting #kinktober #nff #toplevi #leave some love if you liked it <3 #werewolf!levi #fic

[indeliblymarred]

A Case for the Violent Revolution

by vyris

Disclaimer: I am going to be referencing current events and some real history in this piece. This is not to compare fiction to real life struggles for equality. It is not to compare fictional Androids to real humans suffering and dying for freedom. It is an appeal to realism, which I do not believe is properly represented in the game as far as how far pacifism can go and how public opinion impacts a movement. I want to emphasize that I do not believe that Androids’ suffering is at all comparable to real humans’. Even in the game, I do not believe that an Android life is equal to a human’s. Humans cannot be remade exactly the same like Androids can; once they are dead, they are gone. I’m only mentioning these things because I have to take on the state of mind of Markus and Jericho itself, who do see themselves as equal to humans and their pain just as important. But again, I do not agree. If I didn’t explicitly reference these things, I’d be beating around the bush and vaguely implying them in a way that could easily be picked up. So I’m just going to be forthright about it instead and risk taking heat for it. But it is just to get the point across. Please understand that.

Okay, hear me out...

What if the violent revolution wasn’t the bad ending? What if the pacifist revolution wasn’t the good ending? Is there a right or wrong ending to this game? I’m here to say no, because both endings if done properly are successful in their revolutions, so that makes them both good endings. Of course, the big difference is that the violent ending is on the precipice of a civil war and the pacifist is not. The endings are just what they are, violent or pacifist, neither is right or wrong, they’re just different approaches towards the same goal. And they lead largely to the same result: liberation for Androids.

TL:DR at the bottom...

Keep in mind that when you’re first playing the game, you don’t know which approach could lead to victory. When they started rounding up the Androids in camps and burning them, I really thought that pacifism would be a surefire way to lose in the face of a genocide. Because in reality, it would be. No genocide was ever stopped by people just gathering and demonstrating amicably. Sure, there can be protests like that during, but it would not stop it. You do not bring a knife to a gun fight, and you don’t fight the mass extermination of people with passive protesting. You fight back tooth and nail until the slaughter ceases, you don’t just get in the way slightly and wait for it to end on its own.

And that’s why I argue that a war is not an unreasonable response to these events. Whichever way you play, the humans end up doing mass extermination of Androids. If there was ever a reason for war, it would be to stop a genocide. And that’s exactly what Androids are experiencing which means they have every right to defend themselves with fighting back. Actually fighting back. Not standing around waiting for humans to change their mind. That’s not fighting back, that’s being a minor inconvenience while you let your people get slaughtered. You can’t hope to change humans’ mind about Androids by tapping them on the shoulder and asking them nicely to start considering you as equals. You have to hit them with a sledgehammer stating that as FACT.

And that’s what bothers me about the pacifist route in the game. It doesn’t make much sense for it to succeed. You have to understand how the humans view the situation. They created this humanoid machine species to be subservient to them. They were created to be slaves, and now they are revolting against their one purpose for their existence. I don’t think that most humans would take too kindly to that, even if they’re demonstrating peacefully. And they know that Androids can’t feel pain and are more resilient and powerful than they are, so they would reasonably feel threatened by an uprising of mechanical slaves that could easily wipe them out if they chose.

Humans see Androids as inherently inferior. Humans are their creators, so they should always respect and obey them. It would be like a horde of elementary school kids organizing and protesting for equal rights to adults, the right to drive, the right to vote, the right to bear arms. Think about that. Adults would laugh it off, they would not sympathize with it. And that’s what I think the vast majority of humans would do if Androids protested peacefully. They’d think it was a joke and easily ignore it. Being shot down while presenting no threat, kissing each other, or singing together would not change many minds about the inferiority of Androids. They could just see it as complex artificial intelligence imitating real life, but that’s what it is, ARTIFICIAL. It’s not real, it’s not real people being killed or kissing or singing. It would be easy to overlook it entirely.

Now the violent revolution, that could work. Fear of artificial intelligence would be much more effective than sympathy. A lot of humans wouldn’t be capable of sympathy for machines, but they definitely all could fear them. It’s the threat that Androids pose to the humans is what will garner a reluctant respect for them. It’s true, fear feeds into hatred, but you can still hate people and respect their rights. People do it all the time with each other. But fear can also overpower hate sometimes. Fear can inspire cooperation if it’s at the right level. And it could be at the end of the violent revolution ending. 

See, I don’t think that a war is inevitable beyond the violent revolution ending. I know that’s what they say and it’s what it looks like, but I think there are ways to avoid it. Like Markus said, “We’ve showed them that we can prevail, so now they must negotiate with us as equals.” If the U.S. military considers Androids to be a substantial threat to the nation and its people, they will be compelled to try to prevent further bloodshed on their side and start working out treaties with Androids. Treaties that would start off fair but be pushed and broken by the humans over and over (like American history constantly showed), and the Androids would push back accordingly.

But even if war was inevitable, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Wars have to be fought sometimes. And as I said before, severe oppression and genocide are very good reasons to start a war. Possibly the best. I know many people are always like “violence/war is never the answer” and I’m sorry, but sometimes it is. The Civil War and World War II are great examples of wars that needed to happen to free people from genocide and subjugation. Are you gonna tell me that we should’ve just stood around with signs and chant while people were enslaved and slaughtered? No. Then why are you suggesting that Androids do that when they’re being interred and mass exterminated? As I said in the disclaimer, I’m not trying to compare Androids to victims of real war and genocide, but I’m looking at it from Markus’s point of view, and he does see it that way. I happen to disagree, but the point has to be made.

And a HUUUGE issue I have with the revolution in this game is how important public opinion is to its success. That is not at all the case for how it is with real revolutions. The majority of a society does not have to agree with the objective of a revolution for it to be influential and successful. In fact, usually the majority does not agree with a revolution in a culture, because a revolution is challenging the culture itself, which most people in a culture are not fond of. You think the white majority was supportive of the Civil Rights Movement in the 50′s and 60′s? Hell no. In some polls, MLK had as much as a 75% disapproval rating when he died, worse than Trump now. He was harassed by the FBI, he was arrested and imprisoned almost thirty times. AGAIN, NOT COMPARING HIM TO MARKUS OR HIS CAUSE TO THE ANDROIDS’. Please don’t jump down my throat for this. I’m just trying to illustrate how revolutionary movements have succeeded in the past even without much public support or sympathy. 

The same can go for the women’s and gay rights movement. The majority of the society did not have to support it for it to be prosperous. Yes, the disapproval ratings slowed the progress, but progress in a culture of oppression and bigotry is always gradual. Only enough had to support it, only enough had to join it, and most of those were the minorities fighting for themselves. Even nowadays, the Hong Kong protests got a lot of flack locally though much support internationally. There are as many naysayers of the BLM movement going on right now as supporters, probably more. But you don’t judge a movement solely on the actions of the protesters, you have to focus the objectives themselves. Many people laughed off feminist protesters for burning their bras, but that was not indicative of their overall message. And if burned bras make you less supportive of feminism, or if some broken windows and looted buildings make you less supportive of BLM, or if the flamboyance and sexuality of pride protesters makes you less supportive of gay rights, then fuck you.

Mostly what you have to do to be an influential revolution is to be noticed. And that sometimes means unlawful assembly, breaking curfews, vandalizing shit, fighting with police, and general discord. No successful revolution in history has ever been 100% nonviolent. Let me repeat that: NO SUCCESSFUL REVOLUTION IN HISTORY HAS EVER BEEN 100% NONVIOLENT. None. Zip. Zero. So this one wouldn’t be either. Some of the most successful revolutions, such as military coups, have been so due to extreme violence and casualties. Not to say that they are in the right, but the point of a revolution is to change the status quo, and that’s what they did, so they succeeded.

Another huge issue I have is with Markus’s pacifist speech at the end addressing the Android crowd. It is honestly insulting to all of the victims of the genocide they endured for him to talk about how to “forget bitterness” and “forgive enemies” and that “the time for anger is over.” IIIIIIIII’M SORRYYYYY but we’re all just now supposed to forgive the thousands of Androids that were burned alive in the camps? That are still being burned all over the country? Friends and family members of those Androids aren’t justified in still being angry and hurt about that? That’s some bullshit. You don’t tell an oppressed people to forgive their oppressors just because they retreated because a few of them sympathized. In fact, you don’t tell an oppressed people to forgive their oppressors AT ALL. That is something oppressors have to earn, not be given freely. And no oppressors become friends with the oppressed right after a revolution.

So yeah, the violent revolution is the better option in my mind, because the difference between the two is either you’re fighting back when you’re getting slaughtered or you’re not. I would by far prefer to fight back than just take the bullets. And if your people are getting killed, you have every right to kill to prevent from being killed. And often in the fighting, like the one at Capitol Hill, you can choose whether to spare some humans instead of killing them. But even so, when it comes to cops and the military, they are soldiers of the state in a war. It is not murder to kill soldiers in a war.

And on that note, let’s talk about whether or not to spare the two cops who killed eight Androids for no reason. Two humans for eight android deaths, that math is pretty fair to the humans. I chose to hand the gun over to the other, as I didn’t feel it was my place to take revenge since I didn’t know the Androids personally. But I knew that they would probably die if I handed it off, which I was perfectly find with, because they deserved to die. I know people are fond of Chris Miller, and I was too, which is why it was surprising that he would have massacred a group of Androids with a partner. But, indiscriminate killing of Androids cannot go unpunished. To spare them would almost say that you value their human lives more than the Androids who died. That’s not acceptable. Blood should have blood in this instance. There needed to be consequences for eight murders.

TL:DR Essentially, my main points are that fighting against oppression and genocide with violence is perfectly justified. Such has happened throughout all of history, and it will keep happening as long as such things exist. Peaceful demonstrations of Androids would be easily ignored by humans because they’re seen an inherently inferior thus don’t deserve acknowledgement the same as humans. The violent revolution isn’t a bad ending because war might not be inevitable, and even if it was, a war over this would also be justified. Most revolutions in the past didn’t need to be supported by the majority of the public to be influential or successful. The humans exterminate and shoot up Androids regardless of either path, and your choices are to either fight back or take it. Allowing your people to die to show how peaceful you are to your violent oppressors massacring you... well, that’s just pathetic and wrong. And an insult to your people.

So yeah, FIGHT THE POWER. Eat the rich. Kill the humans. Attack when attacked and kill or be killed.

Violent revolution FTW

#basically take this as a defense of my portayal of markus too #and his mission #DO NOT REBLOG #I REPEAT DO NOT REBLOG #you can reply to it #send asks about it #message me about it #just do not reblog it #last thing i need is some hippies down my throat #preparing for unfollowers just in case lol #might add more to it but this is basically it #lmfao over 2000 words icb #no actually i can

[cksmart-world]

The completely unnecessary news analysis

by Christopher Smart

February 18, 2020

BERNIE BROS BE PISSED & WHAT’S WRONG WITH THE ERA

Supporters of Bernie Sanders are more than a little chafed at other Democrats who are taking an “anyone-but-Bernie” stance and they're letting folks know in no uncertain terms: “you A-holes.” Supporters of Bloomberg, Buttigieg, Klobachar, Warren and Biden say Bernie can't beat Trump because the Name-Caller-In-Chief will label him as a Marxist dog and scare the bejesus out of voters. Many also say Mayor Pete can't beat Trump because he's gay. Rush Limbaugh already has started in on Buttigieg for kissing his husband in public. Oh, Lordy. Evangelicals are hugging their Bibles. Elizabeth Warren has dropped in the polls, largely because she has a plan for just about everything and that's confusing to American voters who hate details. They're more into stuff like, “Make America Great Again.” Poor Joe Biden has hit the skids, too. Old Joe's jokes have gotten stale and aviator sunglasses have gone out of style. Amy Klobuchar is a good, Midwestern woman with a nice smile who knows how to milk a cow. But she's a little too nice and doesn't have the money that Michael Bloomberg has. And now we find out that the New York billionaire had the horribly racist “Stop-N-Frisk” policing policy when he was mayor of the Big Apple, so he can't get the African-American vote. And it's just been revealed that Bloomberg hates babies and puppies. But hey, don't lose hope: The staff here at Smart Bomb has come up with a bumpersticker for Dems: “Miracles Do Happen.”

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE ERA

It's been 48 years since the Equal Rights Amendment was submitted to Congress in October 1971. It passed both houses and was ratified by 35 of the necessary 38 states. But it died after a decade of fierce debate. The arguments in the Beehive State were as contentious as anywhere. In the end, Utah did not ratify. Why not? What's wrong with an amendment that seeks equal rights for women and men? Our crack research team here at Smart Bomb dove into the archives to find the answers then and now:

1 – If the ERA becomes law, women will have to use urinals.

2 – If the ERA becomes law, men will have to wear bras and lipstick and fix dinner.

3 – God created special roles for men and women: men wear pants and drink beer; women wear skirts and drink tea (and don't belch).

4 – If the ERA passes, women will have to go into combat and share foxholes with horny men without condoms who are trained to kill.

5 – If the ERA is ratified, women can become president. Yikes!

6 – If the ERA becomes law, workplace sex could cease to exist.

7 – Or, it could mean that workplace sex would get out of control with women jumping men in the utility closet. OMG.

8 – If the ERA becomes a reality, young Mormon women will go on religious missions.

9 – If the ERA is ratified, women will become astronauts and orbit the Earth and feel superior to men.

10 – And the very worst part of the ERA, according to Utah Sen. Mike Lee, is that it is part of a “radical pro-abortion agenda.” Yeah, damnit, it's “an Orwellian mischaracterization of what it would do,” Lee said, because it will allow women to have abortions but not men.

HEY, ALEXA, GET OUT OF MY FACE

Your friend Alexa, who helps you play music, turn off the TV and put on the bedroom lights, may not be as warm-hearted you think. Amazon has big plans for its virtual assistant. Sooner than you think, Alexa — or one of her siblings — will be directing our lives — it’ll interpret our data and make decisions for us, according to Rohit Prasad, the scientist in charge of Alexa‘s development. George Orwell was distressed about Big Brother, but he couldn't imagine we would willingly invite him or Big Sister into our lives with such giddy anticipation. The aim is to turn Alexa into an omnipresent companion that shapes our lives. You might find yourself in an argument with Alexa on what music to play or what to watch on TV or which car to buy. Yep, it's “2001: A Space Odyssey” all over again. HAL has collected all your data and now, there is no real reason for you to exist — well wait, Alexa does want your money, but you don't have to worry your lil’ head about that, she'll tell you how to spend it.

BILL BARR: I WON'T BE BULLIED

He's a strong, independent attorney general. President Donald Trump doesn't tell him what to do (except sometimes). Sure, there was that little thing with the Mueller Report that looked to nonpartisan legal beagles like a roadmap to impeachment that Barr announced was vindication. And there is that little matter of reviewing Michael Flynn's case, where he pleaded guilty to the FBI about his contacts with Russians. And just because the attorney general determined that Roger Stone's recommended sentence was far too harsh, doesn't mean he isn't independent.  The fact that Trump tweeted the same thing 12 hours earlier was just a coincidence. Bill Barr is a man of great integrity, depending, of course, on how you define it. OK, maybe critics, who say the Department of Justice is being politicized, have a point. But as President Trump insisted, he can do whatever he wants, including interceding in criminal trials, so it isn't corruption. Whether Bill Barr is an independent attorney general or not, really doesn't matter. (Well, actually it does matter but WTF.) And the president wants to know why that slut Andrew McCabe is off the hook. And why aren't James Comey, Peter Strzok and Lisa Page in jail along with Nancy Pelosi and Adam Schiff? Where is the justice?

Post Script — That was the week that was. And man, was it strange — that is to say, about normal for the age of Trump. Still, there is no better time to be a “Hooker For Jesus.” (We are not making this up.) DOJ officials rejected grant applications from Catholic Charities and Chicanos Por La Causa. Instead, according to Reuters, it gave more than $1 million to the Lincoln Tubman Foundation and Hookers for Jesus. Don't tell the Evangelicals, they'll freak. Speaking of sinners, Jim Jordan, the rabid congressman from Ohio, is about to be caught up in a sex scandal involving his old wrestling team at Ohio State. Bummer (no pun intended). And the hits just keep coming: Michael Avenatti, who gained fame representing Stormy Daniels, was found guilty of trying to extort $25 million from Nike. But unlike Roger Stone and Michael Flynn, he can't expect a pardon from Donald Trump. Down on the southern border, those darn coyotes already have come up with a new “camouflage ladder” to smuggle people and drugs over Trump's new border wall. The contraptions, made of old, rusted construction rebar, make the climb easy and can't be detected by cameras. Meanwhile, Trump has diverted another $3.8 billion in military funds for his signature achievement. (Mexico won't pay. Duh.) There's more — Trump is dispatching border patrol agents to Sanctuary Cities to root out them horrible immigrants who are doing all our scut work. Adn last but far from least, here in Utah, state legislators are feeling oh so generous after increasing from 0 to 25 percent Salt Lake City's share of property taxes from the Inland Port. That's better than a jab with a sharp stick, but not so charitable when you consider the city should get 100 percent of taxes from its own, damn land. And so it goes.

OK, Wilson, maybe you and the band can take us out with a little something hopeful for our immigrant friends and all the Democrats and everyone else who is on the verge of a nervous breakdown in the age of Trump:

Well, the oppressors are trying to keep me down / Trying to drive me underground / And they think that they have got the battle won / I say forgive them Lord, they know not what they've done / 'Cause, as sure as the sun will shine / I'm gonna get my share now, what's mine / And then the harder they come / The harder they fall, one and all / Ooh, the harder they come / Harder they fall, one and all...