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yandere-romanticaa · 3 months

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To the anon who was asking abt sex! Here’s my two cents based off of experience..

1. Cockwarming is not like,,, pleasurable. Like when I read fics abt it and the reader is all squirmy and whatever it really doesn’t make sense. If the guy isn’t moving then it doesn’t really feel like anything, and it gets a little uncomfortable after a few minutes of no movement. It’s kinda like using a tampon. I definitely think that the pleasure derived from this is more mental than physical. Only the guy really gets anything physical out of it.

This kind applies to vibrators too. Like internal vibrators are not crazy stimulating but it is enough to make you distracted. But to each their own I suppose.

2. Sex in general. Internal stimulation (P in V) is good, and if I had to describe it I would say it feels like a bruise repeatedly. It’s hard to describe. Like it hurts but not in an ‘ow’ way, it feels good. Definitely a feeling that gets the legs shaking after repeated thrusting against that spot.

BUT, I cant finish without stimulation to my clit. It’s definitely different for everybody, but in my case I need clitorial stimulation or else it just feels like I’m on the edge the whole time (which, by the way, is a very unsatisfying feeling).

And thrusting it all in like in one go isn’t possible, remember that your vagina is one giant muscle, and when you stretch a muscle to hard and fast it strains and it doesn’t feel good. Foreplay is very helpful bc it loosens you up first, but even then you can’t force it in at one go. You kinda gotta start with the tip first and use short movements to slowly fit the whole thing in.

AND YES!!! THE STRETCH HURTS!!!! If you aren’t prepared properly or your partner just shoves it in it feels like your skin is being stretched (like a rubber band being stretched so much that it’s about to snap) and it’s a sharp pain and you could tear. SO FOREPLAY MATTERS!!!!

3. Cervix stuff… 😭😭😭 Guys. You can NOT thrust into the cervix. These fics are LYING TO YOU!!! It’s literally like trying to thrust through bone, the cervix is hard and even inserting thin items like a Q tip fucking HURTS. Unless it’s like monster fucking with ovipositors then it’s just straight unrealistic. A díck can NOT push through.

Some women find it painful even when their cervix is just thrusted against. (It doesn’t hurt for me so I don’t mind but majority of all the gals I’ve spoken to DONT like it. One of my friends even threw up during sex one time from the pain.)

4. Mind break. Not a real thing. Sorry. After so many rounds, no matter how high your drive is, the sex just starts to feel uncomfortable. Don’t push yourself past that point, listen to your body and know your limits. Because once it feels uncomfortable it kinda starts to hurt. This applies for the guys too. It just stops feeling good after a while and you leave that sort of lust-haze and become very lucid (post-nut clarity LMAOOO), which also makes you feel the discomfort even more.

So yeah, mind break via sex just isn’t a thing because your body literally has a limit. Overstimulation is real but your body has limits for that too. Like after so many orgasms I can’t touch my clit or it feels like a sharp pain. (Again, everyone is different but that’s just me)

And yeah. That’s all I can rlly think of.

This was an interesting read!!!!! I think that smut may or may not have poisoned my brain a little bit so this felt like a breath of fresh air. Of course, one should never take smut too seriously as it is primarily for entertainment, but it really does feel like things can mess you up if you're an inexperienced pookie such as myself!

Truth be told, sex scares me. Like, a lot.

I am in my early 20's and there is this societal expectation that I need a boyfriend. I also live in a fairly conservative country which honestly doesn't help me at all. And it's low key expected from couples to just go at a few months into the relationship, sometimes even after a few weeks depending on the person. That's how most of my friends/acquaintances did it anyway.

Just the thought of a man seeing me so naked and vulnerable like that, it brings tears to my eyes. It legit scares me so much. Buddy, if you see me in my birthday suit you are NOT going anywhere LMAO, you'll have to marry me, I'm sorry -

I've been called an uptight and boring prude for having this kind of mentality and I get it. But I can't help it, I just can't. I don't think I'll ever be able to have that kind of physical connection with anyone unless I know them inside and out 😓 I'm too scared and too insecure for my own good... I also have a few stretch marks on my stomach, which I really hate, I really do. I don't think I could handle the humiliation of another person ever seeing them.

#♥️ girlie says #🤍 anon asks

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sesamie · 2 months

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do you have any advice for being a good partner in a relationship? i'm in high school if that helps give some perspective

man to be honest i have all kinds of advice but i can't say if any of it is good! because i've been the one to break up all my relationships (4-5 now depending on how you look at it) so it's entirely possible that i'm a bad partner and have unrealistic expectations? but i can try!!!

i myself as a partner try to be as attentive as possible - i always wish someone would pay close attention to me and what i like and how i react to things so i try to be that person for someone else, learning as much about my partner as i can in order to be a better partner to them, and going out of my way to show my understanding of them and that i care about them specifically. learning what they're like when they're hiding discomfort, what they're like when they're vacillating between excitement and anxiety, what they're like when they feel totally at peace and safe, and more than all of that: what they need &/or want from you in those situations. showing you pay attention to your partner and want to learn them inside and out is in my opinion the number one way to show them you care about them (whatever the nature of your relationship!)

no two relationships have ever been the same for me - i don't really think of my partner as the person who occupies a specific predictable category of relationship in my life the way my mother or coworker might - it's much more like friendships where the word friendship is an extremely broad term used to describe all kinds of individual-basis relationships. what i mean by saying that is, don't fall in love with someone because you want a partner, fall in love with someone because you want *them*. one of my relationships fell apart because it became clear to me that it didn't actually matter who i was, my partner just wanted a girlfriend so he could be someone who has a girlfriend.

when it comes to conflict i frankly used to have advice on this but my last relationship proved to me that i was a coward and a hypocrite and the advice i would always give is not very easy to follow if you're not very brave. communication is important but things get complicated. i really no longer feel like i have enough perspective on solving conflict to offer any advice. don't ever lead anyone on though, if you feel like it's over don't keep it going for their sake.

also, i'll say this: dating while you're in school is the toughest thing in the world of dating, because think about it this way: if you live on your own in some city apartment or whatever and you go to your job or your college classes and you have freedoms and you meet someone at a cafe or whatever and fall in love and then date, if you break up with that person, there's a not-insignificant chance you might literally never have to see them again. relationship and friendship pains in school are exacerbated twentyfold by the fact that it's impossible to get tangible distance from anybody you know. my ex and i sit next to eachother in econ and have to work on projects together - even though outside of that class we're not talking. it makes for the most painful and awkward dating situations you'll probably ever find yourself in. so know this: you'll have the freedom someday to choose new people to spend your time on and with. just bc right now you're forced to spend almost every day with the same hundred other people in your school doesn't mean your social circle is always going to be so fixed!!!

#aks

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snugglebuddyhan · 2 years

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Squid Game rants, bc I finally finished it

1. I don't understand why the contestants weren't told before the first game that by elimination they meant massacred. Whatever happened to wanting the players to have a fair chance of playing? How can you say that while withholding something extremely important to their survival? I get it was to cut down on the amount of contestants, bc imagine how many episodes they'd have to make if a majority of those people didn't die, but! It defeated the entire structure of the game

2. Everyone kept saying "we" so much they had me on google looking up how many winners there was supposed to be. Had me thinking I missed something in the beginning

3. Why in THE hell did that couple decide to go back? Only 1 person was going to make it out alive and you're telling me they thought the both of them participating was a good idea? Then ole dude wanna hang himself, bc his wife died. Like, what did you expect?

4. Sangwoo what do you mean "all the games we've played so far" sir, you only played one.......unless he's counting the game everyone played before given the card

5. The V.I.P's were probably the most uninteresting part of the series. I was excited to finally see who they were just for them to be a bunch of lame ass white men. A majority of their dialogue had me punching the air. The whole 69 and then 96 bit? Be serious

6. The V.I.P's ruined the 5th game

7. The Junho and Inho subplot really wasn't that interesting. I had a feeling from the start the front man was his brother, so there wasn't really a reason for me to anticipate anything

8. As much as I want to I can't hate Sangwoo. I held a grudge against him the second he figured out the second game and didn't at least tell Gihun, but once I put some thought into it he was just trying to survive. If you have the advantage it's best to use it. Everyone had to fend for themselves there. Doesn't matter how well you know anyone. It's either them or you. That's the whole point of the games. They all re-entered knowing this

9. Really wanted to see that dude at the beginning get slapped when he finally lost the game. I don't like him. He's creepy

10. Sae-Byeok really should have won the competition. She had a backstory worth rooting for. She wasn't there bc of gambling, scamming or taking out loans she knew she could never pay back. She was there to get her family back together and you're telling me a man who has never been a father to his child, put his elderly mother in a situation where she was forced to work under a serious medical condition and then later died, bc he was either not working or blowing all their money and finally, is in so much debt it'd probably take the rest of his life to pay it off considering the fact he'd probably just continue to put himself deeper into debt, bc he just can't help himself was the one to make it out alive? Can't believe that shit

11. If Inho really wanted his brother to come back with him all he had to do was get the soliders behind him to capture him. He had no bullets left and if he wanted to jump he would have done it a long time ago. Did he really need to shoot him?

12. That doctor dude should have been sparred, bc honestly? Can you blame him for taking the offer to get info on the games before they played them? You present something like that to a person in a literal life or death situation and you expect them to not give into their desperation?

13. Okay, the entire series is unrealistic, but do you know how unrealistic it was for Junho to just become a soldier without an ounce of knowledge beforehand? He knew NOTHING going in and you're telling me he somehow didn't get a bullet to the head the first day?

14. The 5th game should have never been designed to hurt any of the winners. Sae-Byeok shouldn't have gone out the way she did

15. The Tug-of-war game was probably the most underwhelming game, bc half of the main cast being on a team and loosing wasn't something the directors would do. It was too predictable to get into

16. Ali and Sangwoo gave off limp wrist SpongeBob vibes

17. So did Sae-Byeok and that other girl

18. So, the old man entered his own games, but wasn't guaranteed safety.........or at least I thought so. Someone pointed out the numerous ways he actually incorporated his safety in a few episodes, but how exactly would he go about executing it? The first game you can clearly see the sensors in the dolls eyes completely ignore him despite looking in his direction at the players around him. Let's say he fell as she said red light. Would he just get up, dust himself off while everyone is wondering why he's not dead and then announce he's the creator before walking away? Same for the tug-of-war game. His chains didn't have a lock meaning if his team lost he'd be able to get loose before being pulled off the platform. How would he go about explaining that to the contestants? I NEED answers

19. The last episode was bland and rushed

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syubub · 3 years

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What makes BTS most vulnerable

Woo! A reading! I wanted to do this bc its been on my list for a little while now!

I just got off work and wanted to do this asap! Pls forgive mistakes! I'm not gonna proof read bc im lazy.

Cheeky disclaimer: this is for entertainment purposes and not to be taken as fact! This is my interpretation of the cards!!

So so so so

First off, I did each member and also one for the group! I didn't have a specific plan in mind when I started, so I just went with the flow!

Let's start with the group first

So. The 5 of pentacles is what makes them most vulnerable. This card talks about isolation, feeling lost, anxiety, not having money or influence. Most of all, a mindset of lack.

All of this to me makes me think that what makes them most vulnerable is the fear of being right back where they started. Feeling exiled from the industry, not having the funds to be sure of a stable future and also not having a strong sense of identity as a group and within the group. It's like their vulnerability comes from something almost like ptsd? Let me try to make that make more sense. I genuinely think that where they started and the uncertainty and constant ridicule really had an impact on them. The vulnerability they have as a group is essentially emotional distress? Like, I wish I had better words to explain. It's the fear that they haven't actually grown or gotten anywhere and that they are insignificant that is their vulnerability. Fear based on where they started?

I really hope that made sense. Moving on though, 7 of swords is how it manifests for them. This card is sneaky. It talks about getting away with something and betrayal but I think this meaning is the most relevant: strategic moves. So how their vulnerability manifests is that the fear that they have causes them (and the company) to make very specific moves to keep their fears from happening. It's like, they take steps to make sure their fears don't get realized. Career wise but also personally. They can sometimes force growth because they fear stagnation. Kinda like rolling something uphill? Once it loses momentum it starts rolling back down.

The other two cards, Wellness and busy times and multitasking, are what they can do to lessen that vulnerability. Keeping healthy in mind body and spirit (also keeping the group bond healthy too) as well as channeling their emotions and fears into productivity. (Think the ly:tear album)

Seokjin

This is really intresting. So, what makes him most vulnerable is repressed emotion that causes inner turmoil. The moon is all about your insides and the vastness it has. In its reverse it talks about the darker parts of your subconscious. So, him bottling shit up and repressing it becomes a monster that affects him without him even necessarily knowing.

As for how that manifest in his life, it literally affects his judgment. Like, literally. It messes with his decision making.

As a fellow human with a similar problem, I can almost bet that any issue he has with another member will be shoved away and it will fester until he's at his breaking point and he'll absolutely weaponize it but disguise it as "just poking fun" or he might also purposefully create low level chaos. It's really intresting because this could manifest in so many ways. It could be his insecurities, issues with other people, fears ect and they fester in his brain space fucking with his judgment.

What he can do to lessen this vulnerability is deep emotional healing. Istg these cards are too perfect to make up. He needs to do THE WORK and heal it. He probably recognizes this and is working on it. Its not fair to himself to put himself aside in order to put other people first. (I think this probably happened a lot in the early bts days bc he had to be an older brother and a responsible figure to 6 other kids so he prioritized group harmony over his own issues and emotions)

Yoongi

????

Um, okay. So what makes yoongi most vulnerable is the dark side of wealth. That's the 10 of pentacles rev. But it gets interesting bc the 10 of swords isn't what makes him vulnerable but it also isn't how it manifests?? So here's my theory time. What makes him most vulnerable is the dark side of wealth. I can only assume that it's the isolation and internal conflict of benefiting off of a system that fucked you over in the first half of your life and also feeling bad for having wealth that most people can never imagine? I really don't know? But with the 10 of swords talking about betrayal and deep wounds, it could be that he's extremely afraid of being taken advantage of? Like, that's another downside of wealth. Maybe people have tried to use him for money or influence? Especially in his personal life. Like, he probably finds it extremely hard to get close to people because he's afraid of betrayal over something that is already hard for him to deal with?

Also loss. He wasn't born rich. He worked his ass off to get what he has and he's probably afraid to lose it. He might "stash" money?

Anyway, knight of swords, how it manifests. This card is about a drive to succeed. So essentially this makes him run and push himself hard and harder and harder to out run what he sees as an inevitable end? Sometimes this can blind him.

As for what he can do to lessen this vulnerability, we have, self confidence through God confidence. This card to me talks about having faith in your actions and skills and trusting in yourself even if you doubt your ability. Essentially, yoongi just needs to trust in himself to land on his feet no matter what happens. Life is always uncertain so he needs to trust that he can weather any storm he might face.

Hoseok

This was one gave me some thoughts. So, similar to jin, it's the bottling shit up and having you subconscious mind eventually figure shit out because it's been neglected but with the 2 of swords in reverse, talking about confusion and being indecisive, I think this kinda causes him to shut down? He might get apathetic. It's almost like when you work a computer so hard that it crashes.

And how this manifests for him with the 3 of pentacles in reverse is that he gets thrown out of alignment with the group. Kinda like how you shouldn't drive on a flat tire. He withdraws and becomes hard to reach and puts up a wall that causes a lot of problems for him as well as those he is around. It's a defense mechanism. It can also manifest in him preferring to work alone as well instead of group settings.

This exposes him to depression and doubt.

Also similar to jin, for how to lessen this vulnerability we have Bless your heart with talks about reaching out (breaking down that wall) and healing your heart and healing the root issue.

Namjoon

Okay. This is the one that makes so much sense but also confuses me.

So. What makes him most vulnerable is the magician rev and 10 of cups. Unrealized potential and poor planning as well as love, harmony and alignment.

So.... what? How does love and the happiest happiness make him vulnerable?

Well, I think he's suspicious of it. I think that he can't help but wonder in his big big big brain if THIS is the right happy or if its really happiness at all? Almost like commitment issues but also not? It's like, he's afraid that it won't last? He might have trouble fully allowing himself happiness. Also, what makes him the most vulnerable is love. It opens up every bit of his soul and puts it on a laundry line for everyone to see and I don't think he thinks he's worthy enough to be seen like that?

As for how it manifests in his life, 9 of cups, personal fulfillment and a strive to have everything else in hislife sorted out? Essentially wanting to have a perfect foundation so eventually he can share with all the important people in his life.

As for what he can do. Value your self worth. pretty straight up. He needs to value himself more. He deserve love and he deserves to feel seen even if it's uncomfortable at first.

Jimin

Oki. What makes jimin most vulnerable is choice. The 7 of cups talks about focusing on what's best for you and making choices based not on illusion. I think jimin is plagued by unrealistic expectations and confronting the fact that it's not possible is what makes him most vulnerable. He makes choices that are driven by illusion. Usually about self. I think specifically about how he doesn't always see how good he already is so he pushes himself to chase after something that isn't always right for him or even there in the first place. Acknowledging and facing it brings vulnerability that he doesn't always want to face. I think he might equate vulnerability to powerlessness.

How it manifests. 9 of wands rev. Paranoia and being defensive. It's his own fear and insecurities manifesting outside of himself.

As for what he can do, passion and purpose and multifaceted. Focus on what is close to his heart and don't get side tracked. Theres so much more to this situation and there isn't an easy fix. There's a lot of things that need working on in order for him to feel comfortable.

Taehyung

Oki oki oki. What makes Tae most vulnerable is strength rev. Raw emotion. He doesn't always express his emotions and when he chooses to be more open, his emotions go through a bit of a filter. Showing his unfiltered emotions makes him most vulnerable because it's him as he is. In his truest form. It's all of his wants, joys, fears. Everything.

As for how it manifests, 10 of wands and Hanged man, it becomes a burden that he carries because he feels like he can't just be honest. He pauses and allows himself time to feel on his own but that means possibly being misunderstood and a bit isolated.

Now. What can he do to lessen it? Bless your heart and healthy communication in relationships. TALKING TO PEOPLE AND ALLOWING HIMSELF THAT VULNERABILITY. It's not bad to be vulnerable. Heal that shit bb bc you are worth it.

Jungkook

So, what makes him most vulnerable? The world in rev. Not having closure and seeking it. The process of seeking closure for himself about things that could have or putting to rest something that has come full circle. It brings vulnerability because he has to face things that he could have done better. He has to face things coming to a close and be okay with is.

How it manifests, the tower, ace of cups, 5 of cups reversed.

The tower is essentially everything crumbling down. I think jk thinks too much? If you follow a ball of yarn all the way to the end then you just unraveled a whole ass ball of yarn.

Him going to close those things cause him to unravel his foundation.

With the ace of cups, creativity and love/ new emotions, I think him taking the time to pursue personal closure helps him to be more open to love as well as giving him creative fuel.

The 5 of cups rev. Means that him doing this closure thing helps him to forgive himself bc he's taking time to move on and tie up loose ends?

For jk this closure thing manifests in every aspect of his like and I almost see it as him shedding? Sounds weird but he's consciously moving on and paying attention to what he needs?

As for what he can do? Deep emotional healing! He runs the risk of feeling more of the tower manifestation so he needs to keep himself emotionally healthy in order for this to be productive instead of destructive!

~~~~~~~

I hope y'all like this! I feel like the cards didn't always follow what I was kinda going for with my questions but it all works out in the end I guess?

My next reading will be up later this week (I've already done it and taken all of my notes. I just have to type it all out) so look foward to that as well!

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sanktaleksander · 3 years

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Id like to hear you talk more about your thoughts on s2 of the punisher bc it also made me very upset

I’m honestly surprised anybody cares about my opinion because my fics are, in my estimation at least, rather out of character. I also don’t generally dive deep into the storytelling elements themselves, I’m more interested in exploring stuff in fic than analyzing the show so forgive me if I sound stupid.

Also if anyone sees this and doesn’t agree, that’s fine. I’m not trying to say anyone is or isn’t right, this is just how I feel. Definitely feel free to ignore this.

Disclaimer: I have only actually watched four episodes of the season but I do know most of the plot and basically the reason I couldn’t bring myself to watch the rest was because I really didn’t want to be disappointed in it even more? I don’t know. It’s probably dumb but anyway.

A lot of the reason I didn’t like the second season is basically because I felt like the characterizations themselves made little sense based on what happened in s1. I felt like a lot of what I loved about Frank’s character basically wasn’t there in s2 and I didn’t like how the things his character was really built on seemed to be gone. He was convinced he was never gonna be anything more than a killer and that no matter what, he would never be happy because he didn’t know how to live any other way. That’s not the impression I got with the end of the first season.

Everyone who knows my blog knows I love Frank/Billy but I definitely don’t think Frank/Karen wasn’t worth pursuing because I knew there was no way Brank was ever gonna be canon no matter what I thought or would’ve done. It seemed like thanks to his whole insistent on not being able to essentially have anything resembling a normal life in any form, his potential with Karen, someone who he really cared for and valued and who felt the same for him, was sort of wasted because it would have thrown off the whole lone wolf sort of vibe.

As for Billy, the whole thing with Krista made my skin crawl on principle. Not only did it seem like a waste of his potential, I felt like the character herself was rather dumb. She seemed pretty unneeded. I felt like forcing the sexual element somehow made it worse? Maybe if that wasn’t included I would feel different but that really skeeved me but maybe that’s me projecting.

As for Billy himself, I felt like, first of all, how his scars were done was rather underwhelming and considering what happened to him, almost not believable if that makes sense. Like we saw him spit of a bullet, get his face smashed repeatedly into a mirror and then racked across broken glass so the scars didn’t seem like they lived up to what one would expect from trauma like that. Like I understand Ben is incredibly handsome and that, I assume, was a reason he was cast in the first place but that doesn’t mean they needed to half ass the scars. Losing his outward appearance had to have been devastating but the minimal scarring didn’t back up how much he would hate looking in the mirror considering how important his appearance was to him before. I also think fucking up his face more would have added intimidation or some sort of element that would have made the trauma itself more real and visceral.

Like I said, I know Frank/Billy was never gonna happen but…I don’t know. Again, I felt like there was a lot of wasted potential of exploring more of their dynamic and we did get the flashbacks or whatever, but I feel like mostly Frank’s feelings about Billy being alive and his subsequent escape were rather muted, again going back to that almost cold sort of detached demeanor he had, at least in regards to Billy. I know he showed some affection to others but it felt like Billy, this person who was so deeply a part of his life who betrayed him, didn’t really effect him as much as I would’ve liked. Like…when he kills him, Billy is more upset than Frank. It’s like it really doesn’t mean a whole lot to Frank one way or the other. It’s just something to be done.

I also didn’t like the fact it wasn’t really even acknowledged from Frank that Billy didn’t even remember what he did. I know Frank is trained to be ruthless and remove his feelings and whatever, but I definitely feel like that should have made him feel something. It’s one thing to take out someone who is evil and you never knew personally but given Frank’s characterization in the prior season, I felt like that should’ve played into it more. In the end, I felt like his reaction and feelings about Billy and his actions seemed unrealistic.

And not to repeat myself, but I really hate the Krista thing. I had no desire to see her or for her to have a backstory. She was a waste. I also felt like Madani had to have had some sort of brain injury as well from the bullet she took at the carousel considering something similar happened to Frank and I know he has to have some sort trauma related to that whether he would want to admit to it or not.

But yeah. This all probably makes zero sense and is probably off base or maybe not even correct about certain things considering I haven’t seen the whole season, but I really did not like what I did see to want to watch more. I loved the first season so much so I just didn’t have the heart to watch more knowing both deep down and from friend’s comments that I would just be disappointed. I’m probably a baby for that but it’s true.

If I had my way, Frank/Billy would somehow be canon and shit would have been handled a lot differently. But I doubt that was or ever will be something people would have wanted to see. I don’t think the ship was popular even when the show was on but I didn’t discover my love for it until my second or third rewatch of the first season a while after it came out so I’m not sure.

Anyway, I’m just gonna keep writing what I’d like to see, which will probably be OOC stuff with gratuitous smut and copious amounts of romantic sweet nonsense because that’s all I know how to do and what I really like reading and writing about. Maybe if I was a better and more well rounded writer it would be different but who knows. I’m just happy to live in the little universes I’ve created with Brank and with them and my OC so I can write what my hopeless romantic heart wants to see and be happy with it.

#this was long winded and probably dumb but 🤷🏻‍♀️#if you read all this I’m sorry but thank you for asking nonetheless #I hope this is at least somewhat the type of answer you were looking for?#answered #anonymous #the punisher #frank castle #billy russo #brank

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taxicabinmemphis · 4 years

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Prince Charming - Chapter 2

chapter one - chapter two - chapter three - chapter four - chapter five - chapter six Indications of Janus lying are in italics but fair warning I do use italics on some words Janus says that aren’t lies bc yk they’re italics and they’re used for emphasis and Janus says some sTufF in this so idk just keep an eye out lol

Word count - 3,204 Pairing - Intrulogical, Prinxiety (I didn’t plan it, it just kinda happened and I rolled with it), pre Moceit, platonic Logicality Warnings - some characters are a lil insensitive in spots but I wouldn’t call them unsympathetic, creativitwins and Loceit angst ig (not shippy at all), swearing, food mention, sword fighting, self-deprecation from most sides bc they’re all wrecks, a character gets a lil hurt, pining, and then there’s Remus-typical behavior (body horror mentions, sexual innuendo/mentions of sexual stuff, and other stuff heh), if there’s anything else that should be tagged or put in the warnings, tell me!

A yellow light with a size similar (if not a little bigger) to that of a softball appeared in front of Virgil’s face for half a second before disappearing. When it faded, the sides could see Virgil’s mouth had closed and his gaze was directed to the floor. The room was enveloped in an agonizing silence.

“I told you we’d know, Patton,” Roman said quietly, with no real bite in his words.

---

“No matter that!” Janus exclaimed, interrupting the uncomfortable silence. “You won’t be getting your crown jewels.”

“Looks like another lie, snake face!” Roman exclaimed, jumping back into the adversarial mood.

“It seems the red prince is running out of nicknames!” Remus teased. “Waste them all on Virgil, back when you were so intently hating him?”

Roman flinched; Remus had clearly hit a sore spot. “Take out your frustrations on my sword, you contemptuous, chaotic cephalopod!”

Remus laughed. “I like that! Lovely alliteration, dear brother. Though, it is something you’ve always seemed to excel at. Take with Virgil again--”

Roman swung his sword at Remus, red in the face and white at the knuckles. Remus parried it easily, clearly unsurprised by his brother’s attack. Neither sword moved for a moment, and Remus laughed again.

“So easily provoked, Roman? I expected better from a prince,” Remus said with a smirk. “Does talk about your...dare I say...regrets or unflattering moments make you want to maim a fellow side?”

Roman glared at him and shook his head, pushing his sword against his brother’s before striking at the green-clad side’s left shoulder. His sword was parried again.

“Not really.” The prince blocked a blow to the head, the swords in place there for a moment. “Just you.”

He pushed the Duke’s sword from his head and made a swipe at the legs. Remus jumped back but took a jab at Roman’s torso.

“Or,” Remus continued as if Roman hadn’t replied, “are you still in denial of the way you treated the purp man? Are you refusing to address it for fear of him realizing your mistakes...or of him admitting he was never fond of you in the first place and likely never will be?”

“STOP!” Roman shouted while disarming his brother, the rapier clattering to the floor. Roman held the tip of the sword in front of Remus’ nose.

“What is it, Roman?” Remus asked, alarmingly unfazed by the sharp metal so close to his face. “You cast me as the villain. This is me playing the part!”

Any small amount of movement Roman had been showcasing at that moment ceased, and Remus chuckled, using his brother’s stillness to back away from the sword. After taking a few steps back, the Duke put his hands up in a surrender-like position.

“Aren’t we antagonists supposed to be pushing your buttons, fucking with your mind to try to get you to lose? Is that not a classic villain tactic?”

Remus extended his leg to where his sword lay on the floor, still holding his gaze with a stiff Roman, and kicked the sword into the air where he caught it and immediately hit Roman’s sword to the side, disarming him.

“Or I could press different buttons if your demonization of Virgil is too fresh and painful a wound. I certainly have a lot to work with!”

Roman growled out a sound of anger, picking up his sword. “Oh, Remus, you forget.” He struck a hard blow to the dark side’s rapier. “I’m your brother too.”

Their fighting returned to a proper speed, Roman and Remus seeming equal.

“You crave attention and validation, which is probably the only reason you agreed to participate in today’s adventure,” Roman started, a grunt accompanying a few of his words. “You find it difficult, nearly impossible, to receive the latter, so you settle for being the most chaotic and disturbing version of yourself you can be in the hopes of a couple of spare glances in your direction.”

Remus’ confident smirk faltered.

“You haven’t argued against Logan sifting through your contributions in the hope that he will give you a spare compliment or show any sort of appreciation,” Roman added. “He’s logic, so he’s honest with no added emotions. You appreciate this, as there is no disgust-fueled fire that he uses to insult your creations.”

Roman felt Remus’ strikes get weaker.

“You’ve never known a true compliment or real validation, so anytime Logan doesn’t react negatively to your contributions makes you happy. Who can imagine what would happen if he complimented your work?”

Roman started to gain a clear upper hand, walking forward as Remus crept back.

“Maybe you’d...I don’t know...regret lodging that throwing star in his forehead,” Roman said with an air of nonchalance, a small smirk growing as he spotted Remus’ eyes widening and his grip on his sword loosening. “Regret shutting him up like everyone else does when he’s the only one who actually listens.”

Remus’ cuts got more reckless, less on target, and he was barely following the red prince’s sword.

“We’re creativity, insecurity is in our job description. You know Thomas will likely never do what you suggest him to,” Roman tacked on. “So you do everything to get your ideas noticed. Commented on. Even if it’s negative. But when Logan says something logical—not unkind—what do I know, maybe he’s even said something nice...you have a taste of validity. You experience appreciation."

Remus’ face hardened, and thrust his sword at Roman’s neck, only for the prince to parry it expertly.

“My only regret, dear brother,” Roman continued, walking forward so Remus’ back hit the cold, stone wall behind him, “is that after the original happiness that came from the logical side’s kind words subsides, you realize that you’re grasping at the straws of what everyone else has. And that, Remus, is a shame.”

The rapier fell to the floor.

Roman smiled at his win, sheathing his longsword. “You’re right, Remus! Pouring salt into the enemy’s wounds is a magnificent tactic! Thanks for the advice. Now, I’m taking this…” Roman picked up the rapier, “...and I’m taking it with me.”

---

Janus charged at Logan.

"Why are you participating in Roman's fantastical escapade so loyally, Janus?" Logan queried, blocking Janus’ attack, thankful he’d chosen a sword who’s wavy blade gave him the advantage of causing his opponent discomfort when their sword would collide with his. "You strike me as one of the last of us who would agree to such an unrealistic and far-fetched activity.”

Janus shrugged, the discomfort caused by his sword’s collision with Logan’s wavy-bladed sword showing visibly. “Everyone else did. And I definitely wanted to be stuck as the only side dealing with Thomas for a whole day.”

Logan raised an eyebrow. “I don’t think any of us want you to be the only one dealing with Thomas for an entire day.”

“Fair enough.”

Janus’ sword clashed into Logan’s, and it took the deceitful side everything not to loosen his grip on his sword because of the uncomfortable vibrations the intense collision with the flamberge caused. Logan held his sword horizontally over his head, never letting his grip falter, as Janus stared the logical side deep in the eye. The yellow-clad side took forceful steps forward, causing Logan to take several steps back.

Janus, upon noticing that if Logan were to go back further, he would trip and fall into broken glass, relented his aggressive pushing. He took a step back as he knew Logan would use his moment of kindness to his advantage, and thrust his sword at the side’s chest, turning it into a horizontal cut when Logan dodged it by moving to his right.

“That was a purely illogical mistake you just made, Janus,” Logan criticized. “One that could have been easily avoided.”

“You shouldn’t be thanking me, Logan,” Janus said with an annoyed growl. “It’s not like I saved you from tripping and falling into broken glass or anything.”

Logan’s movements froze for half a second before he quickly composed himself. “Thank you, I suppose,” he said after a pause, half-heartedly aiming a strike at the deceitful side’s head.

Eventually, Janus and Logan’s swordfight had escalated to become much harsher. Janus was using the range his sword gave him well, and Logan’s wavy-bladed sword was only becoming more useful as his strikes became harder and more uncomfortable for the serpentine side to bear.

On the other side of the room, Patton tripped and cut his ankle on a piece of glass; the surprised but pained yelp that accompanied it caused Janus’ head to turn. Logan ignored the fatherly side’s exclamation and took Janus’ reflexive breach of focus as an opportunity to gain a more significant advantage. Janus was barely able to block the strike the logical side made at his left shoulder but ended up having to take a multitude of steps back and he ended up at a lower level.

Logan withheld a triumphant smirk, eyeing a nearby wall in his peripheral vision. Cornering Janus would make his victory almost guaranteed.

“Getting tired, Logan?” Janus said through gritted teeth.

“I thought you would be the fatigued one,” Logan replied in return.

Janus growled at him and reluctantly removed all of his focus from Patton and returned it to him and Logan’s sword fight.

“Does your function of self-care make it difficult to let Patton get hurt, much like it did earlier when you spared me an undesirable encounter with broken glass?” Logan inquired, and Janus couldn’t tell whether the logical side was teasing or genuinely curious. Janus supposed it was probably the latter as Logan had very little capacity for that type of teasing but still acted on the hypothesis that Logan’s motivations lied with the former.

Janus slammed his sword at Logan’s violently, making him raise an eyebrow. The action prompted Logan to return the amounts of force Janus was using and more. With every one of Janus’ harder swings, Logan’s were more intense. The indigo side could see the discomfort parrying his sword brought Janus was weighing on him.

Before long, Logan was hardly having any trouble walking forwards and pushing the yellow-clad side back. Janus’ arms and shoulders were starting to shake. A few seconds later, Janus felt his back make contact with the wall. Not roughly, not in any way that would hurt, but it still demonstrated Logan’s present superiority.

Janus gave him a menacing glare showing his current disdain for the logical side that would probably dissolve after this whole sword fighting fiasco was over.

“It seems I have you cornered, Janus,” Logan observed. “If you surrender now, you could make this much easier and less troublesome for both of us.”

“Where’s the fun in that?” Janus retorted, flailing his sword at Logan in an embarrassing attempt at a strike to his neck.

“We could also,” Logan continued, easily blocking the strike, “sit back and watch the others’ shenanigans after we have agreed on the terms of your surrender.”

Janus gave Logan a smirk. “Oh Logan, no matter how fun that sounds, I’m not ready to give up yet.”

He turned his head to look at where Virgil and Patton were on the other side of the room, Logan’s gaze following. Patton had wrapped his ankle up in cloth and was looking significantly better, and Virgil was standing stock still, gaze directed at the ground. Patton was pacing in worry, most likely scared his friends would end up severely hurting each other. Virgil was unnaturally unbothered by this and was showing absolutely no emotion. His body refused to even give any hint of movement. Logan couldn’t be sure the anxious side was breathing. The behavior Virgil was displaying was concerning and not like him at all.

“Virgil,” Janus started and said side’s head raised to look Janus in the eye, “do me a favor and engage Patton in a sword fight. And don’t even think of going easy on him.”

A yellow light similar to the one seen the first time Janus ordered Virgil to do something appeared in front of Janus’ lips and flew over to Virgil, disappearing as it made contact with his head. Patton’s attention had been gained at the utterance of his name, and his expression held only what was sheer terror. Fighting his dark strange son was the last thing he wanted to do. But as it would seem, he was helpless to prevent such an event from occurring.

Logan watched with concealed horror as Virgil’s body turned robotically to face Patton, whose eyes were wide and cheeks flushed in fear and apprehension. Virgil drew his sword, a black bladed katana with a purple hilt, and raised it in front of him while getting into a fighting stance. His gaze locked on the moral side, no emotion or familiarity showing in his heterochromatic eyes.

“I’m sure you’re feeling absolutely at ease and unworried right now, Logan,” Janus remarked, slight mockery residing in his tone. He pushed himself off and away from the wall Logan had cornered him against. “Would a blow to the head ease your fulfilling tranquility?”

Logan turned away from Patton and Virgil, directing a hard glare at the lying side. He parried the strike Janus made at his head, and then directed another one at his adversary’s neck. The strikes Logan was making no longer held any mercy or restraint that could’ve been there at the beginning. “Why would you do that? You know how hard it must be on Patton to engage in a violent and aggressive activity with anyone, much less his best friend and the side he sees most as a son.”

Janus didn’t reply, focusing only on Logan’s sword. Logan noticed that Janus’ face was seeming to withhold emotion, the snake side’s jaw set and eyes contorted into a glare that appeared to be forced.

“Not to mention, Patton is wounded, Janus,” Logan reminded him, deflecting a thrust at his solar plexus. “You were so concerned a few minutes ago, but now you’re forcing him to not only walk on the foot but also to fight on the foot? The wound may not be anything severe, but as a function of self-preservation, don’t you care about him?”

Logan could hear a growl sound from Janus’ throat. “I couldn’t let you think that now could I?”

Logan’s eyebrows furrowed, the intensity in his strikes faltering. “You felt like you needed to prove something to me, didn’t you? That you don’t care about us.”

Janus made no indication that Logan was correct, but started to strike harder.

“You don’t need to prove anything to me, Janus. I know what you can do, I know how cruel you can act and how caring you can be.” Logan paused, not wanting to overstep or make assumptions. “And, I don’t need to say anything if you don’t want me to.”

“Patton should’ve been sword fighting like the rest of us anyway,” Janus stated, practically ignoring Logan’s previous statement. “Maybe he wouldn’t have gotten himself hurt.”

Logan’s eyes narrowed at that. “Patton being a kind and gentle person is in no way a problem.” His words were accompanied by harsher cuts to Janus’ head and torso. Logan was starting to back him up again.

“It can be quite annoying, though, can’t it?” Janus snarled rhetorically.

Logan’s ferocity had returned to what it was directly after Janus ordered Virgil to fight Patton, not suspecting Janus’ previous statement of relaying any falsehoods.

As the fighting continued, Logan took note of how Janus’ incredibly long sword would likely not bode well in a shorter range. Deciding to use this to his advantage, Logan got in closer to Janus without pushing the side back. He struck a hard blow to the Zweihander that forced the sword to Logan’s right. Logan took this opportunity to give a small but effective kick to the deceitful side’s right knee, causing him to fall to his knees. He then easily disarmed Janus, and let the Zweihander clatter to the floor. Logan sheathed his flamberge and then picked up the black and yellow blade.

“It seems your...tactic of evoking an emotional response from me by causing distress on my fellow sides did not prove fruitful in your attempt for victory.”

“Maybe not, but it made the fight last longer,” Janus replied. “Besides, it was not fun at all. I mean, did you see the look on Patton’s face?”

Logan’s grip on Janus’ sword tightened. “I am currently finding it...difficult to restrain myself from knocking you out with your own weapon.”

Janus smirked. “Such emotion from the logical side, hmm? I thought you were the cold one with no emotions. I guess it figures that you’d have a capacity for anger and other emotions if you already experience a great deal of love.”

Any movement Logan was currently engaged in paused. “...What? What do you mean?”

“Come on, Logan,” Janus said smoothly, starting to stand on his feet, Logan instinctively pointing the sword at his throat. “You admitted it in the Q&A! Look at you, defending Patton like that, you...care about him, you love him. And even still, you care about me, the kick you gave to my knee was just enough to take me down and nothing more, and you totally wanted to fight me in the first place. You despise Roman, criticizing him when he advocates engaging in violent activity, obviously trying to protect him. Oh, and don’t get me started on Remus. You volunteered to sift through his contributions.”

“And debunk them, as well as expose them for being unrealistic and dangerous.”

“Yes, but say those things to Thomas. I haven’t had Remus complain about you to me once, totally implying that you’ve said downright terrible things about his creativity to him. While I’m sure much of this comes from your function as logic and what is a tendency to show any and all emotion on a topic that doesn’t require or call for it, there’s surely something else behind it. How could you not attach yourself to the one person who listens to you? Or will you not admit this as you’re scared he only listens to you because you listen to him? As a trade, a deal, an arrangement of begrudging respect and nothing more. You’ll listen to his ideas and he’ll listen to your opinions and criticisms, but you’re scared he only does it out of courtesy. But, Logan. Dear, sweet Logan. He listens to you. He’s the only one who does. And, what of motivations? Do they matter to that pesky little thing that is love?”

Logan gulps, his face reddening. He pushed the tip of the Zweihander closer to Janus’ throat. Any movement further would make the sword touch the skin of his neck, and perhaps break it. There was a long silence as Janus moved his hands up and above his head in a surrender-like position. Logan’s eyes stayed on him unwaveringly, but his mind was somewhere else.

It was almost as if they were in a staring contest, one neither of the two was focused on. Logan was raking over Janus’ words, hoping that the deceitful side would be lying the one time he wanted him to be, and Janus was feeling victorious despite his defeat.

Logan would have to leave the side eventually, either to help his fellow knights in their sword fights or later when they all would leave Reptania. But Janus was wrong, he was lying, he was messing with his mind. He had to be.

“You won, Logan. Yes, I’ll admit it. But we both know that I was right.”

Hope you enjoyed chapter two! Meant to post on Thursday but school happened. I love y’all, thanks, and chapter three which will happen sometime in the next week!

Prince Charming taglist: @the-sympathetic-villain @justanotherhumanstuff

#ts fanfic #intrulogical #prinxiety #roman sanders #logan sanders #janus sanders #remus sanders #pre moceit #prince charming #fic #swearing tw #creativitwins #feel free to ask to be on the taglist #sanders sides #kill writes

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softnaruto · 4 years

Note

I haven't seen any character x character (none that you've posted anyways) and I've been loving the ones you've made so far. So is it okay if I ask for a crack ship I've noticed recently? Tobirama x Sakura. Fluff with the whole idea that Tobirama finally has someone knowledgeable he could relate with and as much of a workaholic as he is in her respective profession. Thank you if you would considerel making this :)

The Workaholics

author’s note: hi hi ! this was SO MUCH FUN to write! sakura and Tobirama really are the “I-say-i-hate-you-but-i-will-prepare-you-a-feast” couple. thank you so much for requesting! I hope you like it!

also it was really long so, more below the cut!

pairings: tobirama x sakura

words: 1281

genre: fluffy!

warnings: crack ships, lol.

OFF THE BAT, let me just say, I never thought about Tobirama and Sakura together due to the, you know, decades of “life” between them.

BUT, let me also say that I actually could see them together!

Let’s start off with a couple of facts:

Sakura feels as if she’s often the only responsible one in Team 7 (yes, I AM taking about that one time where Naruto wanted to fight Sai and Sakura was trying to make up for it but ended up punching the hell out of Sai)

Tobirama, on the other hand, always feels as if HE has to do something because his idiot (CUTE) brother, Hashirama, is always dreaming about things that are just UNREALISTIC

Sakura is constantly nagging at Naruto to you know, stop being an idiot, and Tobirama is always nagging at Hashirama to stop being an idiot too.

Sakura is strong and she knows what she wants WHEN she wants it (Can we talk about the STRENGTH she has? Both physically and emotionally?)

She is someone that will tell you when she finds something annoying or that makes her uncomfortable, and she won’t try and sugar coat it either.

Tobirama is the same way, except he often leaves his feelings out of everything in his life and I feel that Sakura’s honesty would go well with that.

Sakura is independent, which is something that I believe would attract Tobirama because he does NOT have time to go around babysitting his lover. I mean could you imagine Tobirama running after his wife with the whole, “Baby, did you eat?” Yeah, no. (If he did do that, Sakura would probably sucker punch him too.)

Okay, now that we’ve established that Sakura and Tobirama are the #yourfeelingsarehurt?toobad power couple, let’s begin with the actual relationship!

Actually, Sakura and Tobirama are pretty fluffy around each other.

If somehow they both ended up leaving work early (around… let’s say, 2AM,) they would find themselves somehow eating dinner together in the couch. A small blanket would be laying on their laps with a bowl of leftovers. They would talk about their day with the TV on a random channel, the soft buzz from the TV creating a peaceful hum. After Sakura would finish, she would place her head on Tobirama’s shoulder, closing her eyes for a second while Tobirama talked about how difficult being the Hokage was and how he had to take over all of Hashirama’s prior work.

Sakura would nod, listening to him, before Tobirama would then stop talking, allowing her to vent. She would begin to explain how she was all caught up at the hospital and how annoying people were in general.

“Working in a hospital is kissing ass AND convincing patients that you KNOW what you’re talking about as if I haven’t had years of experience!”

Tobirama would sit in silence, before agreeing with Sakura and badmouthing some patients, making her laugh.

If they were to have a free day, you BET they are going to sleep in. At the beginning of their relationship, Tobirama would refuse to sleep in and cuddle because he found it pointless. Now? Tobirama is the one pulling Sakura IN.

“Tobirama—” “You work too hard, just sleep a bit more, yeah?”

Tobirama supports Sakura no matter what, let’s be real. He understands what it feels like to not be supported (considering he is the Hokage and note everyone in the village agrees with him) and although he is having to always argue about his beliefs and decisions as a leader, he never wants Sakura to feel as if she has to argue to prove her point.

If she says that she wants to quit her job, well, that’s okay! Tobirama will still nag a bit, but after he remembers that she’s an adult and that she knows what she’s doing, he quits and tells her (HOURS LATER) that he supports her.

He knows how hard it is to prove yourself to others and he never wants Sakura to feel as if she’s not seen. Any little thing Sakura does, Tobirama acknowledges. He may not acknowledge it with words, but he will definitely let her know that he’s always noticing her.

If she completed a difficult surgery that took up to 24 hours? She’ll wake up to the breakfast he left for her before leaving for work, with a little note on the fridge saying, “Proud of you.”

Sakura is the same way. If Tobirama has to leave the next day for a meeting with the Feudal Lord, she always makes sure to pack a little something for him in his bag. It’s always something random; one of her horrid energy balls/bites, a small slice of a pie she had bought earlier, a cookie, a note saying how she loved him, the list goes on.

She usually waits until he’s about to leave (not caring if she’s late to work bc lets be real, Sakura knows she just won’t ever get fired, lol #datingthehokagecheck ) and makes sure to let him know that she will just be so ANGRY if anything happens to him.

“IF YOU DIE ON ME—”

“I’m not dying, Sakura.”

“TOBIRAMA I SWEAR TO GO—” Tobirama usually kisses her after she beings to swear (it’s a frequent thing)

O h ! Kisses! Let’s talk about kisses.

Tobirama is a MAN (btw, being a man does not necessarily depend on these factors, but Tobirama is an old-school person who likes to seem so… stereotypical in front of the public) and he just doesn’t want to seem soft in any way in front of ANYONE. But inside their house? You know Tobirama expects a kiss from Sakura the minute she steps inside.

He LOVES good morning kisses, good night kisses, I love you kisses, I AM jealous but I won’t admit it kisses, I know you’re working but I still love you even though you won’t pay attention to me, and ultimately, make up kisses.

Skipping over to Tobirama; he finally feels so understood when he begins dating Sakura. He no longer has to fight for his job or how much time his job takes away from his daily life because Sakura loves her job as much as he does. He knows that all he has to do is call Sakura or meet up with her and explain that he’s working late; he loves the simplicity of it.

Sakura understand Tobirama on a completely different level than anyone has before. If Tobirama is struggling with work, Sakura wouldn’t try and pry him off of it (that would just cause even more frustration because he’s not working on it.) Instead, she would sit by him as she worked on her own paperwork and would try to encourage him to finish it.

Teamwork makes the dream work, right?

With Sakura and Tobirama, it’s ALL about teamWORK.

They have no boundaries with their work, but they keep each other in check. Sakura will force Tobirama to go to bed if he ends up staying up all night working, and Tobirama will DRAG Sakura to their home if she plans on adding too many grave-yard shifts to her schedule.

They just keep each other healthy… in their own way. (Eating instant food while working non-stop and sleeping on top of each other in their couch)

OVERALL,

Although they may not look like they have things in common from an outsider’s perspective, the mutual understanding and love that they have for one another is like no other. They are able to know what is happening without speaking much and are known to keep a healthy relationship with one another despite often working nonstop.

#naruto #naruto headcanons #naruto scenarios #naruto imagines #tobirama #sakura #tobirama x sakura #tobirama x reader #sakura x reader #anime #anime scenarios #anime headcanons #anime x reader #THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING

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perpetualmood · 5 years

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not an anti your anti-anti post got popular so i wanted to know why u ship bkdk? i'm genuinely curious bc i;ve only seen ppl say it's abusive and i'm new to mha

first of all anon thank you for approaching me respectfully about this. there are a lot of people i know who aren’t as lucky but really, thank you for possessing the basic human decency that so many others on this fucking hellsite can’t muster.

now, first of all let me say that i’m not a “““hardcore shipper””” or anything of the sort. i just think that bakudeku/katsudeku has a pretty good dynamic with lots of potential, along with a lot of other plausible ships in the series. i don’t get into a series for its ships, and even when i ship something i won’t let it take over my experience of fandom, which is why i’m def posting less bnha and ship discourse. this’ll probably be my last post about it, ever.

now, about bakudeku.

on bkdk being abusive:

it is not.

i first want to clarify that while bakugou bullied midoriya in the past, that doesn’t fucking make it abuse. i know abusers, and i know bullies. bakugou was shitty, and i’m not excusing his actions or saying they were okay because they were fucking not. most antis get all their fuel with the line “take a swan dive from the roof” that bakugou says to midoriya in the first chapter.

did he actually mean it? did bakugou, a boy who was told all his life he would be a hero, who wanted to be a hero, say it with the intent of midoriya actually killing himself? no, he didn’t. it would go against everything a hero stood for, and being a hero was bakugou’s only aspiration in his life. unless anyone is iterating that he’s stupid (which canon proves otherwise almost constantly) he knew that when he said it, midoriya wouldn’t do it.

(and while it is important to note that horikoshi has explicitly said that he went too far with that line, as it is not how bakugou should be seen and/or characterised, i’m still treating it as canon because it is, antis don’t @ me.)

and, as midoriya makes very clear later, he has absolutely no intention of taking bakugou’s words seriously. instead, he brushes it off as ‘kacchan being a proud idiot who doesn’t think before he speaks’. however, while he did not take those words seriously, that doesn’t mean they didn’t hurt even a little. his expression when bakugou says it is hurt, but more than that, shocked. obviously, anyone with a brain can infer that it is not something midoriya is accustomed to hearing things like that from bakugou. if it had been a regular occurrence, his reaction would have been a lot more subdued as he would have heard it before and therefore expected it.

even if you look at the scene later on, bakugou does not go out of his way to target or even interact with midoriya up until their teacher brings up the fact that midoriya wants to go to ua. bakugou does not see midoriya as “his old friend” or “the kid who he grew up with”. what he sees is “a quirkless kid who can’t do anything is trying to get in his alley, the one that everyone told him was handcrafted for him”. is he right? absolutely fucking not. does he realise this? again, no. this all leads to bakugou having a major gifted kid + inferiority complex, but i digress.

(i feel like it’s necessary to say once again that i am not condoning bakugou’s behaviour just because he didn’t really intend for midoriya to commit suicide or midoriya didn’t take it seriously, or saying that it’s okay if nothing happened.)

anyway, back on topic. later during the final exams arc, midoriya also states explicitly that he and bakugou have not talked properly to one another since they were kids. this makes it clear that bakugou did not, in fact, ceaselessly torment midoriya throughout their elementary school/junior high years. they just didn’t interact, plain and simple. the experience shown on the playground when they were four and the one after school on this day were likely two of very few, perhaps ten at most, incidents in which bakugou and midoriya’s difference in power and therefore status was made clear to show what it means to be quirkless in this society.

(i’d like to talk about how fucking messed up this society is, but that’s a whole other can of worms.)

bakugou has been a bully to midoriya. has he been abusive? absolutely fucking not. do i think their relationship is repairable? yes. i’ve been bullied before. i know what it’s like when you can reconcile with your bully and when you can’t. this is very clearly something that can be salvaged.

on their canon relationship:

do i think of bakudeku as a “he pulled your pigtails because he likes you” situation? am i infatuated with the ever-popular childhood friend trope? not a chance, and dismissing any shipper’s evaluation of their relationship to that is fucking low.

let’s start with their relationship at the beginning. bakugou harbours obvious animosity towards midoriya, and the only reason appears to be that it was because he was quirkless. (again, fuck quirk society) bakugou had always been told he was superior, and midoriya had always been told that he was nothing without a quirk. when you’re a young and impressionable child, having these things said to you a lot will make you believe it. in a sense, it’s akin to brainwashing. bakugou was made to believe that midoriya was worthless in comparison to him, a natural-born hero, and midoriya was made to believe that bakugou was amazing and undefeatable.

there were a lot of ways it could have turned out, honestly. midoriya could have become someone bakugou saw as someone needing protecting, and as cliched as their relationship would have been were that the case, it would have been the only ““functional”” one they could have had. hence the dysfunction, because midoriya is not someone who can sit back and take hits. he wants to be a hero, which is half the reason he admired bakugou in the first place.

so in the beginning of canon when midoriya’s desire to go to ua to be a hero is made known, bakugou, as i said before, feels as though his space has been invaded. he’s marked his territory, and all of a sudden this quirkless nobody i used to know wants to take it from me. of course, his way of thinking is wrong, but he’s never been corrected properly (sorry mitsuki, i love you but you’re not good at parenting, and masaru, please do something about your emotionally constipated son).

bakugou’s reaction to midoriya saying he “just wants to try” makes it look like it was just a trivial matter for midoriya, as opposed to bakugou, who has been working towards wanting to become a hero since he was small (as opposed to midoriya who wanted to as well, yes, but never did anything being analysing the heroes for fun). he feels as though midoriya is going through it with a ‘meh’ attitude, which deeply offended by the sentiment and takes it personally.

so bakugou obviously hates it. he hates feeling like someone that was, in his words, “a pebble in [his] path” could possibly even fathom overtaking him, when they were compared all the time.

additionally, midoriya has been a part of bakugou’s ego fodder. he followed him around, praised him like the rest, yes, but it’s very important to note that even though midoriya showered bakugou with praise he still talked to him as though he would someday be on that same level, even as a kid.

they were kids. they were dumb. but you know what? they grew.

bakugou especially has gone through so much development, even comparing him to the piece of shit he was in chapter 1 is a huge insult to bakugou, to horikoshi, and to midoriya, who has played an enormous part in it, especially after the sludge villain when it is very explicitly stated that bakugou didn’t even interact with midoriya until

in the beginning of their first year at ua, bakugou learned for the first time what it meant to have people who were equal to him, that he wasn’t as exceptional as he thought. midoriya, too learned what it meant to stand as equals, but instead of falling from a platform above, he was thrown up from the ground. and during the battle trial, bakugou tasted bitter defeat for the first time, and it shook him to the point where he had a panic attack in class (which i’m disappointed all might didn’t notice, but i digress) upon seeing midoriya get k.o.-ed but still win while he was left unscathed physically, and lost to deku of all people.

do i think their dynamic from the beginning of the year would have worked as a ship? no, abso-fucking-lutely not. bakugou feels nothing but betrayal (as in, he would obviously believe midoriya was hiding his quirk from him and lying to him their whole lives) and hatred for midoriya up until the battle trial, after which he doesn’t respect or even accept midoriya, but he acknowledges him because he beat him and then admitted half the secret to his quirk.

their relationship is an absolute shitshow for a long time and it shows, but the battle trial was a huge part in the beginning of their relationship developing. and of course, it has to – midoriya is the protagonist and bakugou is the deuteragonist, after all.

but the real turning point where bakugou comes to grudgingly accept midoriya is during their final exams before the training camp, where they went up against all might. being forced to work together and for bakugou to have to listen to midoriya really showed us depth in him we hadn’t seen before. sadly, all might was absolutely no help in their teamwork (despite that being the entire reason aizawa had paired bakugou and midoriya together) and instead made them try to focus on defeating him rather than working together, but somehow, that got the two of them to cooperate in battle.

(personally, i believe that they would have been better matched against a more strategic teacher like aizawa or nedzu as they would be forced to come up with a strategy together, and all might provided an unrealistic situation for them overall and the entire fight makes absolutely little to no use of their intelligence, something that is canonically a prevalent strength for both of them.)

but honestly, after kacchan vs deku 2, where they finally become ““proper rivals”” according to all might, where they both finally, finally talk out their issues and try to patch their shit up. @dekatsu explains it really well here and i’ve rambled for long enough about it.

now, after that fight, they’re both at a point where instead of being at each other’s throats, they’re pushing each other forward, and that’s why i like them together so much, whether platonic or romantic. which brings me to...

what i like about bkdk

aka, the thing you asked me in the first place.

do i approve of their relationship before kacchan vs deku 2? no. but after the fight, it blossoms into something absolutely brilliant. while they’re on their house arrest in the days after their fight, midoriya asks bakugou about his shoot style, and bakugou tells him exactly what he thinks and how it can be improved. and he admits, however backwardly, that he approved of it.

from literally that moment on, their communication and relationship develops so so much (not getting into the later arcs because manga spoilers) and bakugou becomes a huge part of the “one for all” secret, and every. single. time he sees midoriya use it, he encourages him in his competitive way and he does want to make sure he sees deku become a great hero, dammit.

relationships where both parties push each other to do better always seem to be the ones that work best. bakugou is constantly striving now not just to better himself, but he’s making sure that midoriya is getting better too. the more the story progresses, the closer they grow.

we’re at a point where bakugou sits in on midoriya’s meetings with all might about one for all and its technicalities and history, and is willing to train separately with midoriya because of it. they don’t have any problems with each other now -- even all might has properly acknowledged bakugou and midoriya as great friends.

it’s indisputable.

and whether you ship it or not, now if you deny that they have a bond that’s strong as fuck, you’re only making yourself look silly.

platonic or romantic, these two have chemistry and they complement each other so well that it almost hurts. i can’t wait to see them grow into a hero duo.

. . .

anyway, that’s the end of my 2k+ word long meta (which i honestly wouldn’t have been able to complete without the help of a tumblr friend who would like to stay anonymous) and i hope it answers your question and hopefully, it showed you a side of things that not only the antis are seeing. thanx, this is been my last ship discourse post.

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blakelywintersfield · 4 years

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Help! Part one: Backstory- when I was a kid I saw love triangles & thought well why can't they just all date bc i was a kid & didn't understand polyamoury so my parents told me that polyamoury is no longer acceptable in today's society. So I grew up in a monogamous society & believed that polyamoury was non existent. Then I thought it was wrong, or at least unhealthy. Then I believed that triangle romances were ok but not Vs or open relationships but I still disliked polyam as an idea

I disliked polyamoury as an idea & didnt support that lifestyle but if any1 hated on my polyams I would defend em. Now Im ~accepting/supportive of polyam bc if they communicate (like any relationship) then itll turn out fine (if all parties are poly, that is.) example- i had a friend whos strictly mono but he dated a poly guy who was abusive& treated my friend like a sidechick. When they broke up my friend put his mono ass into another poly romance &bc of his trauma & bpd he was toxic & trying to make his bf mono & felt like he was the sidechick again despite his bf treating both of His bfs equally. & he also had a bad experience with polyamoury so he knew how my friend felt. (Communication is important) Present day- so here comes my issue. I think I might be poly. But I suck at communication & I seem to have internalized issues & polyphobia & I'm not sure whether I "believe" in it or not. Idk what to do & I don't think my parents would approve esp since I don't even approve. What if it's just romanticized or fetishized & I'm not actually poly? I don't want to be poly. I wish society didn't frown upon it bc thst might help. So here I am, a 17yo on Tumblr, asking an older queer for help.

Hi hun! Hopefully, I’m not getting back to you too late on this; sorry it took me a minute to respond!

Firstly, I want you to know that no matter what you turn out to be -- monogamous or polyamorous -- that the way you love isn't unhealthy. Neither type of relationship structure is better than the other; it purely depends on how you feel during it. I know it may be hard to accept something that you were raised to see as immoral or wrong; believe it or not, I was raised extremely homophobic and transphobic, and accepting I was queer and trans was a big shift for me. Hell, I just came to terms with being grey-aromatic -- and that one was hard as hell, because well. I do like romantic relationships. I love that closeness, that bond. Accepting that it was rare as hell for me to feel that towards anyone else was really tough, but it was also liberating. I realized, wow, I wasn't broken because I couldn't romantically connect with others that had mutual interest in me; it's just my romantic orientation. The same may go for you -- if you end up being polyamorous, accepting it can really free you of guilt you may have felt in the past for having a crush on two people and wanting to date them both, because there's nothing wrong with wanting that.

I'm personally monogamous. I know I am because of a few reasons -- I'm worn out very easily by social situations, and even friendships are hard for me to manage just because my social battery is really low. I don't think I have the social stamina to keep up with multiple partners, and I would hate to neglect one or more of my partners, or make them feel unwanted / unloved. I'm a solitary person by nature. And that's okay! I also do have issues feeling insecure, and while I am working on that, I don't think it would personally be healthy for me if I had a partner who was polyamorous, because I'd worry they would get bored of me / leave me for the other. Which is unrealistic -- in a healthy polyamorous relationship, this wouldn't be an issue, but I know my anxiety and relationship insecurity is bad enough that it would put a polyamorous partner through too much stress. Being on the aromantic spectrum too, I just don't know how likely it'd be for me to find a partner, let alone multiple, so that's a personal factor for me, but besides that, my reason for being monogamous are based on how I know myself to be in romantic partnerships.

One of my best friends is polyamorous. One of her biggest reasons is because she feels the need for a support system that goes past friendship -- partners that could live with her, help her raise a family, make sure she stays safe (she has some physical and emotional/mental issues). It makes her feel more secure to know she has multiple people looking out for her, and makes her feel like she's not putting too much stress on one person. The distribution of responsibility makes her feel much more comfortable than having one person take it all on. In a sense, the reason I'm monogamous is the same reason she's polyamorous -- a feeling of security.

Regardless of what kind of relationship you have, it should make you feel secure. Obviously we all have our moments -- as someone with BPD, I have times where I'm insecure just about my friendships, and even my relationship with my parents. Sometimes we all feel insecure, but if it's a constant feeling and it can't be taken care of with reassurance, then you may want to reconsider the relationship -- be it monogamous or polyamorous. Think about your expectations from a relationship; what would you want the outcome to be? If you had multiple partners, what would that look like long-term for you? This should be based purely off what you want / need -- not based off what others may think of you or what negative ideas others might get, because at the end of the day, those who don't support a healthy path to happiness don't have opinions you should judge off of.

There's also different types of polyamorous relationships, and from what I know, most polyamorous people tend to have a relationship set they prefer -- for example, you mentioned open relationships. That's a type of polyamory where, usually, a couple may have another partner / multiple partners, and their position could be anything from a partner to a friend with benefits; the couple usually sets the boundaries on what they expect (i.e. "you can sleep with other people, but I want us to stay the main couple") and then they explain those boundaries to anyone they may wish to engage with. It may seem strange that a couple committed to each other would sleep with other people, but there's a variety of reasons, ranging from kinks to sexual needs to libido (i.e. a couple with a sex-replused asexual who is comfortable with their partner having responsible / safe sex with other people to satisfy their sexual needs). Some people who have needs like my best friend may benefit from Vs; where one person has two partners, but those partners don't date each other. That doesn't mean they're not aware of each other -- that's NOT polyamory, that's cheating. As you said, polyamory takes communication, and without that, it's not healthy polyamory. There's also Triads (three people all dating each other), Fluid Chains (these tend to end up being two people already in polyamorous couples that start dating each other), and much more! I'd say the judgement of you needs and expectations in a relationship should help you decide what type of relationship you'd want.

As you brought up, there's always a risk of getting into a polyamorous relationship that ends up toxic, but that risk is just as likely as ending up in a toxic monogamous relationship -- neither relationship type is "more prone" to toxicity. I'm very sorry your friend dealt with it firsthand, especially because the first experience being a toxic one can make it very hard to get past that trauma. Getting out of any kind of toxic relatinship can leave you with some trust issues and things to work out; it's just as toxic to force a polyamorous person to be monogamous as it is for a monogamous person to be polyamorous. If you're not comfortable with a certain relationship style, you shouldn't force yourself to comform to someone else's, and vice versa.

I know in the recent years, with polyamory starting to become more talked about, understood, and accepted, that it may seem like it really is the perfect way to date. And for some, it is! For others, not so much. I really recommend making a list of your expectations out of a relationship (as I said before), because that may help you clear up whether or not it's just been romanticized to you, or if you may actually be polyamorous yourself. If possible, maybe try finding some local polyamory support groups / meetups, and seeing if you can find other people who are also questioning whether they're mono or poly -- sometimes what helps is talking to others who have questions, because they may also have answers. It may also end up benefitting you because if you end up dating someone else who isn't sure but is open to trying, you can both safely explore that type of relationship without risking the other not being open to polyamory. Since you are 17, I would highly suggest finding groups geared towards those under 21, because regardless of relationship orientation, an older person persuing you is not okay. Anyone involved in your relationship should be around your age, even if you're not directly dating them.

Sorry if this was a little mixed around, if you need to ask for clarifications on anything, or have any other questions, please feel free to ask! Good luck hun! <3

#long post #anon

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witchylittlefox · 4 years

Text

My Thoughts and Feelings About Star Wars as of 2019

I held off sharing my complete feelings on this franchise/fandom because I wanted to wait for TROS to be out. since I have seen it now I’m ready to share how I feel about disney owned Star Wars, the fandom war, reylo, and TROS. Heads up these are my opinions and if we disagree that’s okay! But I would appreciate some respect when it comes to nasty comments because some of the things I’m going to say can be..... controversial in the reylo community.

Preface: I have been a Star Wars fan since I was 4 years old. I somehow figured out how to used a VHS machine and I would insert Return of the Jedi and rewind to watch it over and over again. To this day that movie is my favorite out of all of them. Star Wars was something my brother and I shared together and he would lend me all the EU books. I loved all the stories about Jacen and Jaina Solo at Luke’s jedi academy. I grew up with the prequels and yes, I am a prequel defender but they were corny as hell. So not to toot my own horn but I was very much invested in the lore and commited to the series before Disney bought it.

Disney Star Wars: Disney had absolutely no idea what they were doing with the movies (atleast when it comes to the Skywalkers + everyone related to the OT trio). They spat on the OT character’s legacy. They turn Luke into a character who seems to care nothing about helping his sister. No way in the world would Luke just throw a lightsaber off a cliff. Han and Leia are treated a little better (more so Leia), but Disney is passive agressive with them and make them out to be these horrible parents that decide to send away their son because they’re scared of him. No wonder Ben turned out the way he did. Rey, well......they could of written her better and don’t get me wrong I love aspects of her but this should of been Ben’s time to shine. HE should of been the main character of all the movies. Finn? Would of been cool seeing more perspective from an ex stormtrooper but nahhhh let’s just make him fawn over rey in the first one and then in the second give him this whole arc making us think he’s getting somewhere and then another badly written character ruins it. Poe? Well he atleast got more of an arc than Finn but he’s still so flat.

The Fandom Menace And the Fandom War: I decided after TLJ came out that I was not going to label myself in this fight. It seemed like (or atleast on Tumblr) that you couldn’t be a Reylo if you hated Rian Johnson. Rian was made out to be this “savior” of some sorts, just because he focused the movie to be more Reylo centered. YES he is talented. YES I’m thankful he gave us more of a Reylo plot, But jeez that guy is an ass (I didn’t want to cuss in this but oh well lol). Calling out fans on Twitter? Calling them names? Ridiculing Mike Zeroh? Which say what you will about Mike (not a huge fan of him tbh) but god he’s a fan of the series why are you making fun of him? But those people who are apart of the Fandom Menace are not innocent. A lot of them (NOT ALL, but most) only make videos on Youtube hating on Star Wars because it’s cool. They use the hate to get attention. I’m just not all about that. I agree with them on a lot...but seriously at what cost do we have to allow this. Both sides are annoying and immature and I choose not to take a side. I will like what I want about Star Wars and dislike what I want about Star Wars. I am not going to be a sheep. So yes... I am a Reylo, hardcore since TFA came out in 2015 and yes, I think Rian Johnson is a crappy person and I won’t be seeing any of his movies ever again (besides rewatching TLJ) because I don’t want to give money to someone who fuels the fan war. That being said, I dont support (whether that be my viewership or money) anyone who is in the “Fandom Menace” and does the same for the other side.

Reylo: The only thing I really cared about in this sequel trilogy was Reylo. I honestly started to care less about the other characters like Finn and Poe, which in my opinion is sad and just goes to show how bad Disney was at writing these characters. What got me so choked up about their relationship was how raw it was. It wasn’t some unrealistic clean romance. There was no love at first sight (at least on Rey’s end.. can’t say for Ben). It felt so real to me. They reached a level of intimacy that honestly in my opinion reached higher than sexual intercourse. Unconditional love is something that I hold close to my heart, it may be because of my faith, but the fact that Rey saw through Kylo and could see that at his core he was just Ben, emotionally hurt and lost, just wanting someone to believe in him. And she did! she believed in him when his uncle and mother easily gave up hope for him (again horrible character writing bc uhhh sry but isn’t hope supposed to be a theme with them???). And Ben loved her in return!! He protected her and not this stupid patronizing crap that Finn does (Which side note: THAT PISSES ME OFF SO MUCH LOL. John Boyega was wasted with this stupid character). Ben knew her strength and worth and only did what a man should do in a relationship, not overstep, not take control but add his part to the relationship, creating symbiosis. If you look up the meaning of “Dyad”, this comes up:

specifically, sociology : two individuals (such as husband and wife) maintaining a sociologically significant relationship

They are equal. No one is better than the other. They are two sides of the same coin and they complete each other.

And at last....

TROS: Well crap. This movie was...... not amazing. I will have to say that I have only seen it once at this point and may make an edit to it if I change my mind. Honestly though... I can’t see myself changing my opinion but it may happen after a second viewing. I had been following the leaks and yup pretty much all true. And yep... Ben dies. Not only does he die but he barely gets any time to shine when he is redeemed. I am grateful we finally got the Reylo kiss we all waiting for but did he really have to die??? I know lots are saying he didn’t die because we didn’t see him show up as a force ghost in the end but obviously there is no confirmation from Disney on this. The fact that he died for her to live just supports everything I have said above. But where was her emotion? I expected her to be crying? it seemed to appear like she couldn’t care less, yet she was the one who went in for the kiss first and then she seems to be fine when everyone is rejoicing and hugging in celebration? Why didn’t they add him in as a voice in her head or something (ooh fanfic idea! :) ) Why did Rey call herself Rey Skywalker?! I’m sorry but she DOES NOT desserve that title plus she is still a Palpatine! That does not change anything. Don’t get me started on Palpatine.... bringing him back was the dumbest decision ever and undid everything that Anakin did. Now I would of been slightly okay with it if they got Anakin in to help to defeat him but we only got his voice and a bunch of other jedi’s voices sharing words of guidance (which ngl it was nice hearing Ahsoka) but holy heck you could of atleast added ben to the mix. They could of both heard the voices and ended Palpatine together? Also what happened to Rey and Kylo fighting through the various scenes of the past movies? I thought that was a leak? They did absolutely NOTHING to tie up the OT and PT. It has no ties to PT, besides Anakin’s voice and some of the other jedi in the mix (Mace Windu, Ayala Secura, Yoda, Ahsoka Tano, etc..). I know I’m nitpicking but I am atleast grateful we got their voices I just wish we actually got to see their faces. That’s a lot of negatives though so here is what I did like:

Babu Frik.

Rey’s kind heart ( you see that when she greets the little girl on Pasaana, helps D.O. and the snake creature)

The banter between Finn, Poe, and Rey

C-3PO ( they really did him justice)

Ben (just all of him everything about him)

Lando was pretty good

Seeing Wicket at the end with his child ( I think that’s his child?)

Wedge Antilles showing up for like one second ( although that could be a negative because I thought he was going to be in it more because of the book Resistance Reborn. WHICH OH YEAH..... this movie retconned that book btw! So not only was it a horrible book but everything in it doesnt matter)

Conclusion: So yeah, I am not happy. But in the end I will always love Star Wars no matter what. This franchise has taught me so much about hope, love, and even redemption. It was such a fun ride on here. There were ups and downs ( anyone remember that Reylo discourse a while back lol) but we made it. Even though as Reylos, it didn’t end the way we wanted it... we still were proved right. We fought hard against the antis when they kept trying to tell us Reylo wasn’t a thing and boy were they wrong..... they were very wrong. I don’t know what the future holds in store for Reylo’s story or even Star Wars but all we have to do is look forward and have hope for Ben because just as the great Jedi Master, Luke Skywalker once said:

"No one is ever really gone."

May the Force be with you all.

#tros spoilers #the rise of skywalker #star wars #tros opinion #tros review #fandom menace #reylo #reylo fam

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tintinwrites · 5 years

Text

the stars were made for falling | Poe Dameron x Reader | Part Six

A/N: Hey, it’s been a while since I posted a chapter of this! Holiday season was crazy busy and when I had the time to write, I just didn’t want to. But I got the chapter finished and I think it’s ok???????? It’s not that great, but I hope you guys like it anyway lol. Work is back to normal so I’m hoping to write more!! <3

Rating: Hard T, soft M for just the dark themes of the story

Warning: Reader has to kill someone. Poe is broken and nearly unrecognizable it’s gr8. Hux is lowkey into you bc you’re hot. Naughty language. Lots of crying or almost crying. These kids are in a lot of pain. Poe deserves a hug. Everyone deserves a hug.

Word count: 2,975, apparently!!

Summary: You prove your loyalty to the First Order, and your move to the dark side destroys Poe.

Masterlist

GIF credit: No idea, but it’s not mine.

Tags: @marvelous-revengers @fandomnerdxox

You fantasized that the First Order would immediately set you free and let you do as you pleased, but that was pretty unrealistic.

You were put into a bigger, well-lit cell, at least.

A cell which stormtroopers actually entered to give you food.

Food that was more than sludge; slightly fluffy bread was delivered to you with your usual water. You ate it like it was the finest meal you'd ever been given.

Much to your surprise, it was only a day or two before a stormtrooper came and lead you rather gently down the hallway.

Gently meaning that you weren't dragged or forced with a blaster to your back.

Even though you had a new plan and things were different, you were still a little scared as you were brought into Hux's office. There was obviously the possibility that he knew your plan and was lulling you into a false sense of security, and was about to kill you.

But he smiled at you and stood as you entered, walking around his desk to meet you. "I must say, I wasn't as surprised as I expected to be when you said you wanted to join us. I knew you had potential all along."

Good. This was good. Well, it wasn't good that you had some clear potential to be evil, but it was good that he wasn't suspicious of you.

"But I do wonder how much they've ruined your mind. If you can really come back from years under their ideology." He didn't see your face fall as he moved to speak into your ear. "And a small part of me wonders if you are...lying?"

"I'm not," you said almost too quickly, too nervously, trying to keep a level stare as he moved to look at you. "Poe Dameron and the Resistance have brought me to captivity and torture, and I can see what they are now."

Liar. Liar.

Did you lie better than Poe, you wondered.

"Only looking out for themselves, yes?" He hummed. "Oh, it's so easy to act. No, I want you to prove yourself; prove that you've learned, that you're strong enough to be with us. Strong enough to kill your pilot, perhaps. I won't have a pathetic traitor running around this base, trying fruitlessly to escape. Bring the girl in."

The girl? What girl? Weren't you 'the girl'? Weren't you pretty much the only girl around here as far as you knew?

Apparently not. A young woman was dragged in, your age or perhaps younger, crying and struggling against the cuffs that bound her arms behind her back.

"She was conspiring against us, helping anyone she could to fight back. It's a good thing we took control of her planet before she could do any sort of damage." As Hux explained, you felt a weight in your hands and then he was guiding your arms up. "Go ahead."

You were confused for a moment; you looked at Hux, then at your hands. You knew what was going on when you saw the added weight was a blaster.

"No!" You immediately lowered the blaster. "I...I mean, I want to kill Poe because I hate him. I don't hate her."

"Killing has nothing to do with hate. It has to do with necessity." He grabbed your arms firmly and raised them up. "Hatred just happens to make it more fun. Now, prove yourself to me."

If you didn't prove yourself, he would know everything was a lie and you imagined whatever came of it would make you consider your previous arrangements to be enjoyable.

But you had to convince him by murdering an innocent person.

You must have been watching the woman weep for too long as Hux moved to speak in your ear again.

"If you think what you went through was difficult, you would be horrified at what's in store for her. You'll be putting her out of her misery, just like your pilot should have done for you, and just like I would do for you. I can be loyal if you are willing to do the same."

"I..."

You wanted to turn the blaster on yourself.

But you couldn't leave Poe.

And if what they would do to the girl in front of you was worse than isolation, practical starvation, torture of you, and torture of someone you cared about, how could you let her go through that?

Was killing her really the better option?

"I know you. You're from the Resistance!" The way she looked at you and sobbed in relief had you trembling harder than you already were. "Please, get us out of here..."

"Do the right thing." Hux spoke so softly, his words should have been sweet. "Do what the Resistance is too selfish to do."

If you killed her, she would be out of harm's way.

Your plan would continue.

But you would kill her.

She was looking at you like a hero, expecting you to save her when you were going to do the opposite. Or at least save her in a different way.

"Please...I want to go home."

"Oh, fuck." Tears were filling your eyes, but you held them back because otherwise Hux would know that this was destroying you too much for someone who claimed to want to kill a friend.

You tightened your grip on the blaster. You had to do this.

Even if the girl's eyes widened in recognition and she started to cry harder.

Even though your finger hesitated on the trigger, refusing to move enough to cause any action.

You had to do it for you, for Poe, for the Resistance, and for the girl in some fucked up sort of way that protected her from a life of torture.

But it hurt so much. Your chest was squeezing, your entire body shaking, your tears were begging to fall, and a sob was building up within you.

She wept with everything she had.

You noticed the weeping stop and everything go silent before you actually noticed you'd pulled the trigger.

And there she was, on the floor, eyes staring at nothing and one of her shoulders bent awkwardly in her position. Not that she would feel it, since you had just—

You dropped the blaster so quickly that Hux had to catch it more than simply take it from you.

"Remember, this isn't the first time you've killed." He was right about that. "But it is the first time you've done it rightfully. You have proven your strength and loyalty. Now return to your cell for the time being."

You barely listened to him, walking in almost a trance as a stormtrooper took you out of the office. As the door shut, you snapped out of it and every emotion that you forced back came rushing forward.

You wept like the girl.

"No, no, no, no. Oh, fuck." Your knees gave out and the trooper had to pull you back up, practically dragging you down the hallway. "What did I do? What did I do?"

You knew exactly what you did, and that didn't help.

Seeming insane to any passerby, you continued to sob out 'no's and profanities, even as you were shoved into your cell, You stumbled and collapsed, crying against the floor as your actions continued to dawn on you.

You could see her eyes.

You could feel her eyes.

It took you a moment to notice that the stormtrooper was standing in the doorway, staring at you. You tried to pull yourself together. "Plea—please don't—don't tell Hux." You figured they were watching to report that you were weak, but they kept staring. "Wha—what?"

Your breath hitched in slight hope, your sobs softening just a little as you forced yourself to sit up. "Finn?" They just kept standing there, proving themselves in a much tamer way than you'd just had to prove yourself. "Finn!"

You practically crawled towards him, seeking comfort from a friend that you didn't deserve. It seemed to spook him out of whatever reverie he was in, making him back up and shut the door.

Alone. It took you a moment to process his quick departure, then your tears returned.

Finn was irrelevant at the moment, compared to what you did.

You killed a completely innocent woman who was begging you to save her, all so you could follow through with your stupid plan.

You curled up against the wall, shivering and sobbing.

You always considered yourself to be on the light side, that you would never turn to something as obviously wrong as the dark side.

But could you be sure of that now?

Would killing someone innocent be the start of something you wouldn't be able to stop?

You'd been staring at the wall for hours.

She wasn't the first person you killed. How many stormtroopers had you taken out, not considering that there were human beings underneath their armor?

Those had been life or death situations.

Was killing that girl life or death, or just your selfishness? You wanted to save Poe — and yourself, if you were being honest — and put so much importance in your plan to do so, that you had done the unthinkable.

She was so innocent. She was good, better than you could ever dream of being.

So desperate. So afraid.

Of you. It wasn't Hux who killed her, no matter how many times you tried to rationalize that you were forced into it.

No one forced you. You killed the girl all by yourself, with too little hesitation in your opinion.

If you and Poe did get out, could you really just join the Resistance again? Now that you were a murderer?

More of a murderer.

You didn't look up when the door opened. You didn't look up when a stormtrooper walked over to you. You didn't look up as they spoke to you. You didn't look up when they held out pristinely folded clothes.

"General Hux has requested for you to change."

You might have made a biting comment before, but you couldn't now. You were on their side and you killed someone to prove it.

Instead, you took the clothes and unfolded them. It was some sort of First Order uniform, though of a very low rank. It was dark and plain, with their symbol sewn into it. You didn't even get a hat.

"Thank you." You weren't sure why you thanked them.

"Come to the door when you're finished."

You watched the stormtrooper leave, and you made yourself stand, and you made yourself change, and then you slowly walked to the door.

The stormtrooper allowed you to walk by their side, so you certainly proved yourself.

You still couldn't manage to be happy about it.

When you approached Hux's office, you felt a jolt of fear go through you at the possibility of having to kill someone else. Or maybe they left everything and wanted you to clean it up.

All you could focus on was how hard your heart was beating. Hadn't you done enough? Couldn't you get a break and figure out the rest of your plan, and get somewhere safe where you could destroy yourself for what you'd done?

The sight of Poe there, on his knees with his gaze on the floor, only served to make your heart beat even harder because were they going to have you kill him already?

No, you needed time. You had to complete your plan and get the two of you out before killing him became a real option.

Beneath your fear was something pitiful; the desire to collapse before him, to crawl into his lap and weep about what you'd done. To admit that you killed someone to save your and his asses, that you might as well turn to the dark side, that you were awful, that you should have turned the blaster on yourself instead.

But you couldn't. You wanted to kill him as far as General Hux knew, and you had to keep your entire being neutral. Your legs and your chin trembled, but you stood tall and kept your tears at bay. You decided it would be best not to look at Poe.

"Eyes up, dog," said Hux from where he stood behind his desk proudly.

You heard a strangled noise, and then you realized why they had given you this outfit and why they brought you to see Poe.

Today you would be killing him, but not physically.

"No, no, no, no, baby, not you. Please, not you." You could tell he was crying just from hearing him speak.

There was a sudden force against your legs that would have had you toppling over were it not for the arms wrapping around you, Poe's face pressing to the front of your pants.

You stood stiffly and stared straight ahead as he wept, fighting your damn hardest to keep from crying with him. If you thought seeing him in pain was difficult, nothing prepared you for seeing this strong, good man completely falling apart at your feet.

You thought he had been broken before.

You couldn't say sorry. You couldn't fall to the floor with him and hold him, and tell him that none of it was real.

You could stand there and pretend you didn't care. That was it.

"Do you know what she said, dog?" There was the prideful, amused general, walking from around his desk. "That she hates you. That she wants to...kill you." Now he did laugh; apparently he was capable of it.

"No, this is a lie." Poe pulled away enough to look up at you desperately while you continued to stare straight ahead. "Tell me this is a lie! Tell me they didn't get to you, please."

"Kick him away."

"You can't do this to me, you're supposed to get out. I have to get you out."

You closed your eyes against the coming tears, forcing yourself to nudge him with your knee, which barely made him move. You nudged a bit harder, managing to get him to give away enough for you to start to move back.

He followed, grabbing at any part of you he could. "You're so strong, sweetheart, you can't let them turn you into this. Please tell me you're faking this."

The Poe you knew might have gone along with this, might have realized you were doing this for protection.

But the Poe you knew had not been a broken man who saw his kindest friend turned into a heartless stormtrooper. If Finn had fallen, what hope was there for you?

He kept begging as you squirmed to get out of his grip, so pitiful that your tears were trying to fall and you knew you had to get out of there. You were seconds away from diving into his arms, admitting everything, and begging for forgiveness that wasn't even his to give.

He was completely breaking because of you when all you wanted to do was to get him out and help him heal.

Was this plan worth it? Would you succeed? And if you did, would Poe be okay? Or would this be what completely brought him down?

He grasped desperately at your ankles when you pulled away, causing you to fall to the floor, scrambling to get away from him. Your plan would be ruined if you broke with him.

A stormtrooper dragged him back and you hurried to your feet, running out of the room without a care if you got in trouble. Even if it revealed to them that this was all a ruse, at least they might put you out of your misery.

You hadn't realized you were barely breathing until you stumbled into the hallway and took the deepest breath you were sure you ever had in your life. You held onto the wall to stay standing, closing your eyes tightly as you reminded yourself, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.

There were footsteps behind you, followed by a suspicious tone, "Is something the matter, Y/N?"

Your name sounded strange on Hux's tongue. It made your skin crawl.

You would be absolutely fucked and not at all put out of your misery if you admitted that this was all fake.

Slowly straightening up, you turned to face him. "I...hate being touched by him. He betrayed me and I..." You trailed off, unsure of what else to say.

You didn't realize you were avoiding his gaze until he gently grasped your chin, lifting your head to search for the truth in your eyes.

"I see." His thumb ran over your bottom lip, with no Poe to jump him. No actual you to kick his ass because you had to pretend to tolerate him. "Once your last thread to the Resistance is gone, you and I could make...quite the team." The way his fingers trailed along your jawline told you clearly what sort of team he had in mind.

"Yes." Now you wanted to cry even more than before.

Maybe you were in over your head with this plan. What if you couldn't figure a way out before you were faced with your 'desire' to kill Poe?

Would they kill you if you refused? Or continue to torture you until you were old and withered?

You could imagine them killing Poe in front of you and making you live with the pain.

Or maybe they would do it the other way around.

Hux pulled away, seeming almost satisfied. "His public execution will be held two days from now. You may choose the weapon, of course."

In over your head or not, you were going to have to go through with this.

Unless some miracle got you, Poe, and Finn out of it.

A miracle would have been really fucking helpful at this point.

#poe dameron imagine #poe dameron x reader #star wars imagine #poe dameron fic #idk why you guys like this #jk i actually do #human feels demand angst #it's just our thing #poor Poe #and reader obvs #the stars were made for falling

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matazz · 3 years

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entries

diary entries of roy endoza

here’s some journal entries of roy endoza that i wrote for the duration of the campaign. for the most part, i kinda wrote these in my twitter drafts just to write down roy’s thoughts. sometimes to remember events that happened, and sometimes just to vent out roy’s feelings to myself. i ended up saving these on a document for safe keeping and i’m glad i wrote these.

‪entry 47‬

‪i miss milo so much. his laugh, his eyes, his smile. i would do anything to have that back.‬ ‪i know its my fault he’s gone. its only been a few months, but i’ll fix that; all of it. no matter how long it takes, no matter what happens. i’ll find some way to do it.‬ ‪entry 53‬ ‪i’ve retrieved a letter from a dream telling me to visit latham and retrieve a key. i’m curious, so i’ll check it eventually. it was definitely odd.‬ ‪entry 55‬ ‪i met a young boy. his name is fox. he’s some sort of shapeshifter. he’s quiet, but his presence is nice company. he also received a similar letter to mine. i have a feeling we’ll be travelling for a while.‬ ‪entry 62‬ ‪we retrieved the key & met some other ppl with letters too. we’re heading to a trinket store back in origin now. i dont wish for them to know of my life so i’ve found a way to steer them as far from possible to finding out about myself. i’ll probably visit ma too.‬ ‪entry 63‬ ‪an elf woman named leera attacked us after i told her i wasnt going to give her this key. i dont like her. she seemed very cocky.‬ ‪entry 65‬ ‪delilah is kind.. i feel like i’m able to trust her. i asked her a question about my goals, vaguely, and it turns out that ayce asked a similar question. based on the message in his later i get the feeling he’s undead.‬ ‪entry 66‬ ‪i told ayce the biggest con in all of history.. but i confirmed he’s undead. i have more hope in my goals now that i know its possible. he hugged me bc he thinks we’re similar. i dont usually allow people to do that but i’m sad for him. i wish i could ask more about him. ‬‪entry 69‬ ‪i’m getting closer to ayce, unexpectedly, but good for me. i need his information.‬ ‪he talks to me a lot about his life; i think he’s become dependent on me which is easy for me. its hard for him to see i’m using him when i lie to his face.‬ ‪entry 72‬ ‪we’re travelling to copper coast now for another key. if it werent for ayce, i wouldnt see any other reason for me to come. fox is still around, but i feel like he's doing his own thing. the other two arent big presences for me to care about.‬ ‪entry 73‬ ‪atlas is a werewolf? i didnt think those were real. this group keeps getting stranger. first a shapeshifter, second an actual living zombie, third a werewolf.‬ ‪ive continued my lie to the rest of them. they all seem to have believed me, strangely enough‬ ‪entry 74‬ ‪copper coast was very pleasant. i wish to come back someday.‬ ‪entry 88‬ ‪this trip to clandesteine has been a disaster.. what the honest fuck‬ just happened ‪entry 90‬ ‪fox told everybody about himself, finally. i feel this huge sense of pride?? i’m very proud of him. i dont understand why i feel so attached to him but i adore him so much‬ ‪entry 92‬ ‪((incoherent scribbles, kinda like “vsdjfsasifwnqkosdkv”)) i think i accidentally implied to ayce that i love him romantically and i think he loves me too... i’m freaking out and i dont know how to react... i think he thinks i’m cool and romantic but i didnt mean to be. ‪entry 93‬ in all honesty, i just wanted to tell him he needs to be more cautious of me. a part of me wishes he could figure it out himself so i dont have to tell him. ‪seriously! i dont know how i did that! i do love and adore him too but i feel like shit.. i dont deserve him, especially considering who i am. on the other hand, i hope he never finds out the truth about me.‬ ‪entry 94‬ ‪oh my god. atlas killed a man and ayce and fox proceeded to tell the guards. i feel sick. i’m currently at home but if they say my name at witness testimony i’m royally fucked. i dont know. i might just run for it and live in myr’s peak. maybe no one will find me.‬ ‪entry 95‬ ‪the group managed to get bailed out using ty’s name. benefits of being friends with rich people?‬ ‪fox found my poster though, so he saved my name during eyewitness testimony. i told him the truth. its been the first time i told someone how i really felt. he wants me to tell ayce but hes the last person i can tell. ‪entry 97‬ ‪we’re in lunarden! it feels nostalgic to be back.

i want to go back to every place i miss. i took ayce to that me and nori used to go to back in high school. i think shes currently performing in solardome? i miss her‬ entry 97.2 ‪i came up with a few different ways to complete my goal. i have a few more probing questions, but i will have to ask later. i think i’m getting closer to the answers‬ entry ‪97.3‬ ((scribbled out)) ‪i havent had sex in a while. i’ve wondered this before but realized it was an inappropriate question to ask. i wonder if ayce’s dick works? it probably doesnt. this is so sad. i dont know how i’m going to fuck him if thats true.. yikes‬ ‪entry 98‬ ‪i’m planning to get completely smashed once we get to solardome. i feel like i deserve it.. ive been pretty stressed and havent got laid. i’m crying remembering that ayce might not even be an option.‬ ‪entry 98.2 ((lost)) ‪i love ayce so much, and its confusing. am i just sexually frustrated? am i just lonely? am i just sad? i feel guilty because it tears me apart. im confused because i love milo still, too. i know i should tell him the truth, its whats right but i know he’ll hate me. i dont know what to do. (extra note inbetween the pages, torn out: to mom. i love you venhfrhdy mcuh. thank you fir everhything. yes. roy.) entry 98.3 what happens if i succeed? i hope ayce doesnt kill me. entry 100 ‪good morning. ayce & i are officially dating. were in solardome atm; i dont remember much of last night but i remember thinking he‘s beautiful. is it wrong to fall for him?‬ ‪entry 101‬ ‪good evening. i saw ms winters. she was undead, just like ayce. she died a year ago. her soul was lost though. i killed what remained of her undead corpse. i assume she was trying to remain in this world.. i’m scared that this will happen to him too. maybe ill have to do the same to him. entry 101.2 i hope ayce's soul is able to sustain in his body for longer. i cant afford to lose him. entry 101.3 ‪the blackness on my fingers has risen up more than it has before. its almost hard to write with my hands anymore. i assume its bc the gods know what i'm doing & are against it, so they're trying to give me more recoil than usual. but the last time i killed an undead corpse was in my house 6 months ago, and i promise that the last time i will use it is when i bring milo back. (torn note inbetween the pages: hi ayce. its unrealistic you'll ever find this but there's some things i want to say. back when we first met, i lied to you as a reflex when you asked me why i'm dealing with necromancy. to be honest, i could kind of gather you were undead, but i still lied anyway. my story is personal, its hard for me to be honest. i know i'm an idiot, and i'm sorry i used you. to be truthful, i still am a horrible person and for the entirety of our relationship i've already known that i was using you and i've felt so guilty about that. my feelings are complicated, but i've never lied when i said i loved you, and i still do; but i still want to bring milo back. i made a mistake and i want to fix that. the truth is that i still love him too. i know you deserve better. i'm sorry about lying to you. roy) entry 102 a dragon made us experience our dreams and nightmares. jade's scared of blindness and bugs. a valid fear, in a way. and she was dreaming of doing shows. i think it was supposed to display a feeling of happiness and joy, but it was just spooky since we all experienced her dreams with no sound. i never realized how scary it was to be deaf until i experienced it. atlas' was morbid. people were dying and there was so much gore. then there were people saying they owned him. i knew he was a bad person but it was scary to see all of that again. he dreamt of a workshop with a girl and a young boy. it seemed sweet, with a tinge of nostalgia. i would have never expected him to have dreams. he just seems like a horrible person with no sympathy to me, but i guess he has feelings. i still think he should go to jail, but i feel like he'll just try to kill me if i say anything instead. fox's was sad. we got thrown into a void

of empty space where we were surrounded only by dopplegangers and a vaguely humanoid figure. he seemed so lonely and upset. he's scared of being forgotten by us and that made me so sad. i adore him, and he's grown a lot since we first met. i gave him a hug when we went into his dream sequence. i hope he knows i will never forget him. his dream was sweet. he just wants to save people and hang out with us still. i think he'll go far, and i would love to be there for him still when all of this is over.c (the rest of the pages with entry 102 are torn out) when i saw milo in the old house again just being his happy lovely self i felt miserable and happy at the same time. i love him so much, and i knew i missed him already but seeing him again just made me feel so much love for him all over again. it just makes me miss him more. it's hard not to cry thinking about what i've done to him. i wish he could come back. ayce's was hard to watch. i witnessed myrkul force ayce to choose between killing me and quri. ayce cried as he couldn't make up his mind, and then i watched as i fell into a void. i felt sick and i wanted to puke. i thought ayce found out about me. i thought he knew that i was using him for necromancy, but when i asked him about it, he told me that he thought i killed him with quri. i... personally don't have any reason to ever kill him so that was a bit sickening to think of. i dont ever want to kill anyone. i dont even have anyone i hate enough to want to murder. the only person i hate enough to want to kill is me. i know based on what i said before i guess it might have seemed that bad; but haha... i would never ever want to do that. putting people down at hospital was rough. god, putting ms winters down was rough and she was already dead. i love him, but it's probably better if we end the relationship and just stay as friends? he's already witnessed me still loving milo, and he thinks i murdered him... i'll try to clear up his misunderstanding, but it'll be hard to without giving more of myself away. this relationship has so many problems. entry 103 a new discovery. the world isn't flat? the god's are using their powers to “lock off” the rest of the world. apparently sanctuary is only a small part of the world. that was a really weird discovery to find out? it's kind of hard to believe, but at the same time, not. apparently they keys we've been collecting hold the respective power of the gods, and they're used to “open” the gateway. i have no idea what that means. apparently beshaba wants to use our keys to do exactly that. and also they can kill the god's? entry 112 when we came back to lunarden we discovered that delilah and allen were kidnapped by atlas’ syndicate. i knew atlas was trouble. i hate having to associate with him. we’re going to save them yet it makes me nervous. entry 114 i feel like i almost died in there. we saved the others and no one was hurt though. we’re going to trip back to lunarden and then travel through the travel gates back to origin to try avoid people. allen mentioned something about strange readings. i have a feeling i know what it is. i’m going to ask lathandar questions. entry 115 nvm we encountered leera. this group genuinely scares me. I’m travelling with people who are down with murder. i should seperate. she uncovered my posters to them and i want to die. she also mentioned the last key at a ball. i need to bounce. lathandar also confirmed my suspicions last night. entry 116 fox left before i could. i feel bad. like maybe it was my fault. i miss him. we have to continue though. entry 117 its so hard to find a bag of holding. i just want to have this spirit stone around without having it in the open. entry 118 we’re in origin now and delilah let me rent out her bag of holding. an absolute kind soul. we bought tickets to the ball. so expensive. i wish i didnt do that. entry 123 i’ve done so much in preperation of whats to come. Soon. i hope it works. i’m going to travel to solardome and investigate those readings. entry 124 suspicions

confirmed. miss winters is alive. she captured my biological father. a strange way to meet him. i cant see him as my father. i told her about the key, and we’re going to rearrange our circle. we’ll still use the spirit stones, just as a backup. i’m scared. i’m terrified. i dont know if it will work and i dont know what will happen if it does. i know the gods will be mad but i’ll deal with the consequences when it happens. i’m sure i won’t be a champion anymore. we’re doing this on friday evening, which means i’m no longer attending the gala. they don’t need my assistance anyway.

#roy endoza writing #roy endoza #writing

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decoding1432 · 7 years

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If you want to unstan...

I’ve seen many of you losing interest or more like beginning to change your stanning experience. When I first began to read things about the industry & stuff, I sort of got this discourage as well. It hurt me to know that my idols’ lives weren’t as real as I had in mind. But now, more woke than I could ever imagine, I realise… After all they’ve gone through, I admire them even more & how lucky, how truly lucky I got when these five ladies entered into my life.

They’re not robots. Yes, they’ve gone through things we would consider extremist & unrealistic but let me tell you something: We fell in love with 5 beautiful humans who grant us access to a little piece of their hearts in every interview, in every performance, in every snap story.

Just because their lives happen to be quite frenetic at times or happen to be quite hard to understand for us fans, doesn’t mean they feel any less, that they are any less normal. Well, in this latter, maybe I’m wrong… You know what? Forgot what I just said, they’re not normal, they’re exceptional.

“Not all heroes wear capes” As cliché as it may sound, it’s nothing else but the truth. The five of them have saved more lives than we could picture. They’ve helped so many souls out there (including mine) to heal whatever wounds we had, wounds crying out desperately for attention. To mend whatever broken piece we had inside, that kept on thickening the cut. They’ve been there every step of that unsteady path. Even if it’s them doing the dumbest video, while watching it you can’t fight that grin. You can’t even try, cause you know damn well won’t resist to those five goofy smiles . Camila was right, some people don’t understand one of the many meanings behind idolisation.

We fell for five girls. We learned how to stand up thanks to five girls. They gave “heroe” a new synonym & “love” a new meaning. We got interested due to #that one song. We started becoming attached thanks to their voices. We chose to stay because of their personas. It’s the small things that make us cherish them even more day by day: The way they appreciate fans, the way they are grateful to the people they work with, they way their humble reactions get when finding out they’ve been nominated (even tho we know sometimes they deserve more than just one) the way they get so excited after after having won an award, the way they behave all goofy on snapchat, they way they would randomly get all turn on about food in the middle of an interview, the way they jam out to aleatory songs in the car, the way their friendship is shown on & off stage the way they care & are passionate about fixing the world’s problems… I could continue cause the more you think of this side of them, the more extensive the list gets. The point is: ALL OF THAT IS REAL. They are five beautiful humans who despite the business’ injustice & constant treachery always make sure to put a smile on our face even when they’re not having the best day themselves & reminding us how important & how much we’ve impacted their lives in one way or another just like they ignite the same effect in us.

How many of you want to deny the fact that they can turn the shittiest day into the brightest?

They connect people from all over the world & manage to bring it together for one purpose.

“I’m ⅕ of our purpose” Normani expressed. Guess what? Camila is still part of that purpose despise of having parted ways earlier. She’s still in pursuit of making the impossible possible. No matter the amount of pics or gifs they crop her out from, OT4s can’t erase her from the group’s history & Camilizers by discrediting & bashing the other four every time they’ve got the chance, won’t be able to delete the memories (memories that by the way mean a lot to your idol).

YOU DON’T NEED TO BELITTLE ONE TO PROTECT THE OTHER. It doesn’t make you a better fan. When I see anyone commenting things like: Why hasn’t (x) tweeted in days? Or why doesn’t (x) log in that often? Seriously, why do you think all of them have reduced their activity on Twitter, esp the past year? It’s no secret that they don’t enjoy SM like they used to. It’s all hate, all comparisons, all the time. Among other aspects:

Imagine, LAND had to endured reading on a daily basis for one year long a thousand “go solo” mentions, & they had to pretend like everything was fine & they weren’t breaking on the inside.

Imagine, I bet Camila was hoping for the hateful tweets to stop when she left, unfortunately these incremented even when she gave ot4s what they were expecting for so long.

As for C stans, they are constantly claiming that LAND couldn’t care less about watching Camila slip away. Does this looks like they didn’t care, like they were happy to see her walk away?

Them five have created an universe where each one of us is given the chance to coexist. However whatever happens inside THEIR WORLD IS THEIR OWN PROBLEM.

If they screw up, it’s doesn’t mean don’t call them out, do call them out but measurably, it’s not about attacking right aways. The girls aren’t perfect, they make mistakes obviously, like the rest of us. Quoting from another theory:

“As the audience, I’ve noticed we tend to expect a lot from celebrities. All celebrities in general. One fail & the internet won’t let them forget (even after they apologised). We have to remember that THEY’RE HUMANS TOO. An aspect that most haters choose to erase from them is the fact that THEY FEEL. Being in the public eye is hard enough. Our jobs as the audience is not to turn this even tougher for them. More than one celeb has addressed how they can have everything on the outside but at the same time feeling empty & destroyed on the inside.

To me the best kind of celebrity is the one who is nothing but grateful towards the fans & the one who takes the time to continuously learn to educate them. The girls might have screwed up in the past, & bc they ain’t robots they will continue to, but if I’m well aware of stg is that they have proven multiple times to be this type of celeb”.

If they fight or fought, it’s their altercation & none of us has the right to pry into it, worse speculate based on our prejudices only to enlarge the problem ten times more.

Even when we have evidence right in front of us…

youtube

0:56 “We respect one another enough”.

“I have love & respect for all four of my bandmates whether you choose to believe it or not… For those of you who enjoy speculating & creating drama that doesn’t exist, please keep in mind that myself & the other girls in the group are PEOPLE, we feel hurt & sadness just like everyone else.”

For real, can she be more clear?

youtube

I mean the immediate “NO” when the interviewer asks her if there was actually conflict between her & C around that time, I don’t know you but it seems totally honest to me. Then what she adds: “I think that is definitely all about people’s perception & thinking that they know more than they actually do… They really think that they know the whole story when they really– they don’t”.

Do you seriously believe controlled statements, parents’ tweets or worse “insiders”? Are you choosing to trust first the people that manipulate the girls for a living than the girls themselves?

If you want to unstan because of a fabricated narrative, go ahead…(Again, even if the quarrel happens to be real, it’s not our business. If they are meant to fix it, they’ll do, if they do love each other like they said in those interviews, they’ll might forgive one another when the time comes).

To the remaining OT5s that are unsure of which side to incline… YOU DON’T HAVE TO PICK.

OT4s & Camilizers will try to persuade you through their tweets, indirectly or not. They shape the story based on their perspective. A blinded point of view if I may add because even when the evidence is there, the truth for them is basically built on “excuses” to despise the contrary party. That’s how toxic it is.

No one is forcing you to support all the girls or to follow both acts (just respect) but I genuinely feel sorry for you if you decide to unstan one side as a result of a petty absurd storyline & the ambition of men in suits cause then you’ll be missing of five incredible role models & two worthy journeys.

#fifth harmony #camila cabello

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