#sometimes you become terrible but you are not an exception to being a winged thing. if you hold me you will smell like metal for the rest

[nobrashfestivity]

24 Hour Red Sauce

Since I am making this right now as I type, I thought I would share one of my sauce recipes. The long cooking time may seem daunting but that's also what makes it difficult to mess up. There are probably typos and I never before have written this down but here it is.

24 hour red sauce

People ask me sometimes “How did you make this sauce?” and I usually say something like, “Well, I cook it a really long time.” But now I will share, roughly, how I do make that sauce.

In spite of my part-Italian family, This is my recipe not a family one. My mother and Italian grandmother showed me how to make sauce but frankly, theirs was not that great. Okay, serviceable, not amazing. Perhaps, like many people I learned to cook at an early age because I didn’t like other people’s food. I went to one of those terrible schools where they would make you eat what they gave you. I’m stubborn and refused their overtures, and as I went forth in life I said no to many things. and thus never developed a taste for them. I’m basically the opposite of Anthony Bourdain.

Because I am a vegetarian, I would bring Lasagna or the like to holiday meals for friends and family and over time I endeavored to make a sauce that would stand up in lasagna, stuffed shells or other sauce killers. I make other sauces but this is the favorite of my friends because, I think, the long cooking time makes for a complex flavor.

I’m not the New York times, so this is a little rough in terms of measurements but the beauty of red sauce is that you taste as you go.

-7 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil (I use Tuscan olive oil such as Vetrice for critical stuff but it can be waste of money in long cooking sauce. Any good olive oil with a little bite will work)

-2 28 oz cans of Bianco DiNapoli crushed tomatoes. (you can also use Sam merican, Mutti or what have you, but I like these best)

- 14 ounce Bianco DiNapoli whole tomatoes (opinions differ on crushed vs whole, I use a mix)

-25-35 cloves fresh garlic, finely chopped

-½ to 3/4 oz fresh basil leaves, chopped (this depends on how many stems you get and how pungent the basil is)

-Vegetable broth (this will add salt, if you want less salt use low sodium broth. If you’re not a vegetarian, you can use beef or chicken broth too).

-Full bodied red wine, like Cabernet, Merlot or Rojas. Don’t break the bank but don’t use something disgusting, you’re eating this.

-1 dried bay leaf (yes you have to)

-¾ teaspoon crushed red pepper (I use a whole teaspoon actually)

-½ teaspoon coarse ground black pepper

-1 medium to large sweet onion

Get a big sauce pan because red sauce will splatter as cook it and it's easier if that doesn’t end up on your stove.

Chop the whole tomatoes (I do this by hand but you can use a food processor) set aside in a bowl.

Under low heat, put the olive oil in and add the garlic and the red pepper, saute a little until the garlic becomes a little glassy.

Add the crushed and chopped whole tomatoes, increase the heat to medium. Set aside the cans.

Peel your onion (you can use two if they are small) and chop it in half. Now look where the sauce comes up to in your cooking pot. Make a little mark (obviously on the outside) of your pot or just wing it.

Fill one empty can half way (14 oz) with vegetable broth and slosh it around to get the remaining tomatoes out of it. Add the black pepper and bay leaf and pour into the sauce.

Fill the other empty can half way with red wine (also 14 oz), a Cabernet is good here, slosh it around and add to the sauce. Now you have wasted nothing except your life cooking this sauce.

Add the two halves of your onion to the sauce. Stir in about half the chopped basil.

Cover the sauce with a lid with a hole in it or half cover it allowing some steam out and turn the stove way down below a simmer. You should even being seeing regular bubbles I the sauce at first and they shouldn’t be appearing rapidly ever.

Every hour tell Michael to stir the sauce (or do it yourself)

Pour a glass of wine and drink it.

Cook it half covered for 4-6 hours on as low heat as possible. You should see occasional bubbles. If the cooked sauce falls below the line you made on your cooking pot, you’re cooking it too fast, but no matter, if that happens, add a cup of 1/3 wine, 1/3 water and 1/3 broth and stir it in. Taste the sauce, it should be pretty good.

Go to bed and out the sauce in the ice box (My grandmother said Ice Box, refrigerator is what it means).

When you get back up in the afternoon (if you get up early, who even are you) uncover the sauce and put it back on low heat simmering or below. Add another two cups of the wine-broth-water mixture and cook for another 5-8 hours. Remember to stir.

When the sauce tastes amazing and you can’t stop tasting it, remove the onions and bay leaf and throw them away. Turn the stove off. Add the rest of your fresh basil and stir it in. You don’t have to use all the basil but basil is not a bad thing. Let the sauce cool for at least an hour. Serve or store. Drink the remaining wine.

It’s actually difficult to ruin this sauce if you follow these guiding principles-

1- You want roughly the same amount of sauce you started with before you added the liquids (wine, water and broth). So you want to see about 50-65 oz of finished sauce depending on how thick you like it.

2- Cooking the onions provides the sweetness to take the acidity out of the sauce, if it’s not sweet enough to can add another onion but it should all even out with more cooking. More sugar will be released from the onions over time. The sauce should be spicy and somewhat strong and acidic but also smooth and flavorful. Add more of your liquids if the sauce is too thick, cook more if it’s too thin. Don’t use sugar.

3- The red wine is a big flavor in this, the alcohol will cook off but flavor is part of the dynamic. Sicilians will tell you to use paste, but that’s a different sauce.

4- I cook this sauce for as long as 24 hours but you don’t have to to make it good. It depends a lot on how high your heat is, how much liquid you use etc. but I would recommend no less than 7 hours of cooking. Otherwise the magic doesn’t happen.

5- Make this often, tweak to your taste, you will return to it each time affirming its power to sustain you in a harsh and unkind world.

#recipe #red sauce #no brash festivity #feel free to ask me questions on this

[hbyrde36]

Honey, You're Familiar

Written for the @strangerthingswritersguild Hozier Project

Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson

WC limit: 3000 | Song prompt: From Eden by Hozier

Rating: G | WC: 2998 | also on ao3

Steve and Eddie had been best friends since The Beginning. 

From the moment angels were blinked into existence, in a flurry of wide powerful wings and otherworldly beauty, they were inseparable, happy, right up until God made something new. 

Humans.

Curious creatures with souls and hearts capable of a full spectrum of emotions, given the one thing angels had been denied. 

Free will. 

Eddie hated them. Part of their job as angels was to watch over these new creations, but the more they watched, the more withdrawn Eddie became. 

He claimed God favored them, these beings who hardly knew of divine existence and whose lifespans were so short they barely mattered in the grand scheme of things. Steve disagreed, arguing that God didn’t play favorites, and surely, even if They did, the angels who’d been gifted with power and immortality were the preferred children. 

They debated about it– a lot, until friendly arguments turned into shouting matches. 

Was this anger?

This unpleasant thing that served no purpose except to make Eddie fly away from him in a huff. Was it sorrow that made his friend’s eyes shimmer, his lips turn down in that awful way? 

Eddie was changing, and Steve didn’t know what to do. He much preferred the days when they could laugh and smile together. It always left him feeling warm inside.

“You envy them.” Steve accused one day when Eddie was especially prickly. “Why? Is it not enough to be as you are and live here in Heaven with God? With me?”

“No! It’s not enough!” 

Eddie’s hands wound into his own hair and pulled, as if he’d tear it out from the root. “Why do they get the freedom to form such relationships? Why do they get to have it, and I don’t?!”

Steve tilted his head, perplexed. “To have what?”

“Love!”

“But, you do.” Steve said, still not understanding. “God loves us, and we love Them.”

Eddie sighed mournfully, all the fight draining out of him at once. “It’s not their love I ache for, Steve.”

It was no surprise when Eddie sided with Lucifer in the war and consequently fell from Heaven. Steve was there when it happened, forced to bear witness to the first and greatest loss he’d ever known. 

He was… sad, when Eddie was gone. 

Steve tried to pretend otherwise, but whenever he was alone and he thought of how he would never see his friend again, his eyes leaked and he would feel a terrible pain in his chest. 

Was he broken? 

He hadn’t thought angels were capable of such sentiments, but that couldn’t be true. Eddie’d had these things, feelings. They were what led him on his doomed path.

It was possible, it just wasn’t allowed.

He did his best to go on as before. It was difficult, nearly impossible sometimes, but it all became easier when a new flock of angels was made to replace their numbers, and Robin came barreling into his life. 

Part of him wanted to resist, to keep the space next to him forever empty, preserving the memory of who’d been there before, but he’d been alone for so long. 

Robin grew on him, and they quickly became close. While she could never replace Eddie, their friendship went a long way in filling the hole losing him had left behind. 

They complimented each other well. Where Steve was quiet and contemplative these days, Robin talked almost constantly. Not one to sit in silence, she always preferred to fill it. 

Just like Eddie. 

They were quite alike actually, Eddie and Robin. Steve couldn't help thinking that if they’d ever met they would’ve become fast friends, or killed one another. 

Things were ok for a while, Steve managed, until he was sent to Earth for the first time. He begged Robin to come along, nervous to walk amongst the humans when he’d only ever watched from afar, but she wasn’t allowed. 

Guardian angel for a day. An easy job, mostly watching and waiting, ensuring his charge remained safe. In all likelihood, he wouldn’t even be needed. 

The human in question was a kind older man, who ran a small coffee counter in a park, in a city Steve couldn't remember the name of. He ordered a drink and took a seat, doing his best to go unnoticed.

He observed much over the course of the day. Joyous reunions and somber goodbyes. First kisses and last kisses, and not one but two chance meetings where sparks flew. It was a magical thing to see someone find their soulmate. 

Steve returned to Heaven with a heavy heart. 

It'd been a very long time since their last conversation, but he could still hear Eddie’s voice… how resigned it had sounded, how devastated, when he’d looked at him and said “It’s not their love I ache for.” 

Finally, he got it. Eddie had loved him. 

Steve loved Eddie too, though he hadn’t realized it back then, so caught up in what they were supposed to be. He’d witnessed it up close now, love. Recognized it and the power it held, even as it made the wielder feel powerless. 

It was agony. 

Unable to hold it in anymore, he told Robin. 

It was probably the most words he’d ever said to her at once. He didn’t mention Eddie’s name, or admit whether the object of his desire was angel or otherwise. He didn’t want to rebel, but he couldn’t continue on as if nothing had changed. Couldn’t live the lie anymore. He was supposed to love only God, and it simply wasn’t true. 

Robin said he should talk to God, convinced that They had grown softer since the fall. Steve wasn’t so sure about that but he trusted her, and had little choice.

Thankfully, she’d been right. God was understanding, in Their way, and not wishing to see Steve so unhappy decided to gift him– a chance.   

He didn’t know what it meant, and that was as ominous as it was thrilling. It had felt a little too easy, in the end. All he knew was he was bound for earth, and as he prepared for the journey he could only wonder what the catch would be.

Steve woke up feeling like he’d been having the strangest dream. He couldn't recall the details apart from a beautiful boy’s face framed in soft dark curls, but wasn’t that always the way? 

He hopped out of bed with a spring in his step. It was a big day, the grand opening of his and Robin’s new coffee shop and he couldn't wait to greet their first customers.

Eddie cut ties with Lucifer shortly after the fall, uninterested in trading one leader demanding blind faith and allegiance for another. 

He was still a demon, technically, as were all who fell, but although he hated humans, he had no desire to harm them. 

He wasn’t evil, he was angry. 

At them, at God, even Steve, but mostly at himself. 

He’d let his feelings overtake his sense, and in his effort to fight for more he’d somehow wound up with less, only managing to get himself banished– sent as far away from the one he loved as it was possible to be. 

Eddie didn’t spend much time on Earth, still too bitter. He wasn’t exactly welcome in Hell either, but over the years had found his fair share of quiet corners to inhabit. 

He kept in touch with some others who’d also refused to follow Lucifer as he made the transition from fallen angel to Devil. Gareth, Jeff, and Grant. They became friends, of a sort. Kept an eye on eachother, gave warnings of trouble on the horizon, and a heads up about other interesting goings-on.

Which was how Eddie found out about the first time Steve set foot on earth. 

He’d gotten rip-roaring drunk once, on a rare night where all the boys were together in one place, and spilled his guts about Steve.They teased him a little, but only in good fun. They’d had their own motivations for taking up the cause and agreed love was as good a reason as any.

When Gareth came by to say an angel had been spotted in Central Park who bared a striking resemblance to his Steve, Eddie panicked. He’d been existing as if he’d never see the angel again, because he’d honestly thought he wouldn’t, and spent many long years pushing it all down, pretending he didn’t care anymore because it was the only way he could function.

Suddenly it all came rushing back to the surface, his heart becoming a gaping wound, open to the world all over again. 

He wanted to go to him, of course he did, but it’d been eons since they last spoke. Would Steve want to see him? Would he care? Even if he did, what would it matter? 

It would change nothing.

Deciding it would be more painful to see him now and lose him all over again than to never see him at all, Eddie buried his head in the sand. By the time it hit him that regardless of the pain he’d regret not going forever, it was too late. Steve was gone, nothing but an empty cup of coffee on a table to prove he’d been there at all. 

When fate conspired only days later to give Eddie a second chance, he knew he couldn’t waste it.

He’d gotten an address from Jeff and had to huff a laugh when he spotted the place. A cute little indie coffee shop. Was Steve the fucking coffee fairy now or something?

The front of the cafe was a wall of windows, and Eddie’s heart skipped a beat as he spotted Steve through the glass. He froze with his hand on the door, unsure if he was ready to face whatever was about to happen. 

Steve stood behind the counter next to a girl with a mischievous smile, laughing raucously at something she’d said. His eyes shone bright, and he was as beautiful as Eddie remembered– though he did miss the way his wings had framed his body. A pity angels weren't allowed to use them down here. 

Just when Eddie was building his resolve to finally go inside, Steve turned and their eyes met. The angel’s smile fell, mouth twisting into a curious expression, a wrinkle forming between his brows. 

He’d been prepared for a number of reactions, for Steve to be happy to see him, or angry and hating him, but he was wholly unprepared for Steve to look at him like that– as if he didn’t know him at all.

Eddie fled.

He didn’t run far, taking refuge in an alleyway across from the shop, well-versed in hiding in the shadows by now. 

He watched for days, unable to leave while Steve was near, but just as unable to approach him again.

In the evenings he would follow Steve home, never knowing where the girl went. Robin, as her name tag said. One second she'd be there and the next, poof, but Steve always walked to a small apartment where he’d spend the night hours alone before leaving again early the next morning.

What was he doing?

Who was his charge? 

Eddie had assumed it was Robin but the more he observed the more convinced he became that she was an angel too. 

None of it made sense. 

It all came to a head one night when he was lurking in his spot waiting for Steve to walk by, and found himself getting bodily thrown into a brick wall. A figure stepped into him, her small hand strong and firm around his throat, skin glowing ever-so-slightly with heavenly power.

Eddie raised his hands in the universal gesture for, I come in peace, and finally Robin let him go.

“What do you want, Demon?”

“I prefer Eddie, actually.”

She smirked, raising a single eyebrow. “Eddie the demon? What, you didn't want to come up with some fancy new name like all your buddies?”

They weren’t his buddies, not the demons she was referring too anyway, but she wasn't likely to believe that.

“Never been one for conformity, I guess.” Eddie grinned, stifling a laugh.

Understatement.

“Seriously, why are you watching him? What are you planning?”

“Nothing, just… looking in on an old friend. I swear.”

“Sure, you and Steve used to be friends. I’m supposed to believe you're not here to ruin his chance, attacking an old ally turned enemy now that he’s vulnerable?”

“What do you mean?”

She narrowed her eyes, considering him carefully.

“You actually don’t know, do you?” She backed away, looking him up and down. “You came to the door that first day, but never came inside. Why?”

“The way he looked, I… don’t think he remembered me.”

She snorted a laugh. 

Which Eddie did not appreciate. “Jeez, way to kick a guy when he’s down.”

“Sorry.” She said, not sorry at all. “Look, it’s nothing personal. He doesn’t remember anything. He’s human now.”

“What?! Why?”

Robin shrugged. “He wanted more. He loved another before God and They took mercy on him, sent him here for a chance at a different life.”

“Who?” Eddie gasped, reeling.

“Who, what?”

“Who did he love enough to leave Heaven for?”

“What do you care?!” She sneered, throwing her hands up. “Y’know what? Don’t answer that, It doesn’t matter. Not even I know who it is, and I'm his best friend.”

Best friend.

Eddie deflated. Had Steve replaced him so easily?

Robin plowed ahead, either unknowing or uncaring of the pain she was inflicting. “I know your kind. You’re bad news. If you really were friends before, if you ever cared about him, you’ll leave him alone.”

Eddie tried to go back to his life, such as it was. He wandered the underworld aimlessly, plagued by thoughts of Steve.

Was it Eddie… that he loved?

Was he okay? Was he happy? Was he safe? He was so vulnerable now– to sickness, and injury. Shit, humans dropped dead from heart attacks all the time!

Eddie could deal with it before, knowing he was out there somewhere, even if they couldn’t be together. But now… now Steve would grow old and die one day, and he couldn’t take that.

The idea of living forever in a world where Steve no longer existed was intolerable.

He went to Lucifer.

It was a long shot, he knew. He’d abandoned his de facto leader long ago, but back in the war Lucifer had been fond of him and Eddie hoped against hope that their history would help his case now. 

The former angel all but laughed in his face. He held no such power, not that he would ever grant Eddie’s wish if he did. 

“What a waste that would be,” the Devil had said, still holding out hope that someday Eddie would break and join him. 

Desperate, he returned to the coffee shop, taking up his old post, and waited for Robin to confront him.

As she stalked angrily into the alley, he hurried to explain. 

“I know what you’re going to say, but hear me out. I love him, Robin, always have. That’s why I fell. I was outraged at being denied this thing that humans were given freely to take for granted.” 

She pursed her lips. 

“You don’t believe me.”

Robin sighed heavily. “I can’t believe I'm saying this, but I do, actually.”

“Really?”

She pulled a scrap of paper from her pocket and handed it to him.

Eddie unfolded it with shaking hands, a perfect sketch of his face.

“I found this, along with several others. Apparently he’s been drawing them for weeks. Somehow, deep down, he remembers you.”

Tears poured down his face as he continued to stare at the proof of Steve’s feelings for him.

“Why did you come back here?” She asked.

“To beg you to take a request to God, plead my case… please.” 

“What for?”

“To make me human too.”

“Are you sure? If They agree to it you’ll be just like him, vulnerable, with no memory of who you were.”

“I know. I’ll just have to trust that we’ll find each other again.”

Eddie woke up feeling like he’d been having the strangest dream. He didn’t have time to dwell on it though, rent was due soon and he still hadn’t found a job.

He set out for the corner store to pick up a newspaper and found himself drawn to an adorable little coffee shop along the way with a help wanted sign out front. He knew the prices at a place like that were well out of his budget, but one look at the beautiful man behind the counter was enough to have him thinking– screw the budget. 

Besides, it couldn’t hurt to put in an application, even if he had no experience as a barista.

The man looked up as Eddie entered the empty shop, and their eyes met. There was something familiar about him. The man paled, eyes going wide. It was a curious reaction, but Steve, as his nametag read, shook it off quickly and forced a smile. 

“Good Morning, what can I get you?”

Gorgeous and the voice of an angel? Eddie was half in love already. 

He ordered the cheapest thing on the menu, a drip coffee, which Steve poured with shaking hands, cursing as a little of the hot liquid sloshed over the cup’s side, burning him. 

“You okay?”

Steve turned, offering his first real smile, laughing at himself as he shook his head.

Without a word he reached into his apron pocket and pulled out a small sketchbook, sliding it across the counter. “This is going to sound crazy, but I think I've been dreaming about you.”

Steve showed him then, page after page filled with drawings of Eddie's face. 

Eddie’s stomach flipped, suddenly realizing why Steve had looked so familiar. “I think I've been dreaming about you, too.”

As always, all my love and thanks to @penny00dreadful beloved friend and beta.

Also to @hitlikehammers and @theheadlessphilosopher for listening to me talk about this and reading it through as I attempted to parse this down from 3400 words to it's current form.

Some tags of those I recall expressing interest or i think might like this? (sorry if i miss anyone or if you didn't want to be tagged!): @griefabyss69 @pearynice @eriquin @cranberrymoons @momotonescreaming @kikidoesfanfic @brbsoulnomming @estrellami-1 @manda-panda-monium @hellion-child @dreamwatch @mentallyundone @finntheehumaneater @goodolefashionedloverboi @vegasol

#STWG Hozier Project #steddie fanfic #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #steddie #steve harrington/eddie munson #robin buckley #hozier songfic #stwg

[kingdarkstalker]

hello, I'm glad to have seen this since I don't really participate in online fandoms of media I enjoy, so sometimes I just form one opinion about a thing and then it never gets challenged. I read the first arc in elementary school, I'm a teenager now, and I guess I just want to know if, in your opinion, it would be weird or like, idk, bad, to reread the books I own. I mean, it's been a comfort series for so long. and I've been super oblivious to the fact that I somehow interpreted everything way differently than it was written. like how I thought the dragonets dealing with their abuse differently was just showing different coping things, and didn't even notice that sunny was rewarded for her reaction and everyone else wasn't. I thought Coral was meant to be a villain, Webs was meant to be pathetic and an enabling bystander, Darkstalker was meant to be morally gray, and every single character was meant to be flawed and would continue to change and grow off screen after the books. it seems silly or maybe cognitive dissonance for me to have just somehow convinced myself that like, there was an implication that all of the "solutions" to the conflict were not perfect and required continuous work to keep slowly improving over time. like it's so obvious now that the things I imagined happening off screen were headcanons, yet somehow I conflated them with the canon and convinced myself that glory broke up with deathbringer, sunny finally realized that kestrel dune and webs didn't have some sort of reason to abuse them and some people are terrible and not worth her compassion, everyone stopped being mean to stonemover, and everyone dismantled the monarchies, and the hivewings, even though they weren't killed (except for wasp), were held accountable and forced to confront the fact that they actively benefited from the societal oppression of silkwings and genocide of leaf wings and did nothing about it. also I really thought that clearsight taught pantalans her language but also learned their language and both sides exchanged knowledge of cultures. so now that I've finally realized that the canon is nothing like how I interpreted it, I don't know how to feel about the concept of rereading them or finding comfort in them. I mean I know I can like something and critique it but this is more than plot holes and mistakes. it's racist propaganda and I can't believe I never noticed. it's weird because I feel like I never want to read them again, but also like I want to reread them more with sticky notes and highlighters and change it to be what I want it to be. I also don't know how I'm going to interact with my friends that are fans of wof now... I'm scared of confrontation but I definitely feel like I need to tell them about it.

there is one thing that I disagree with you about. to me it seems like you are saying that people need to treat darkstalker with more nuance rather than just big bad guy, which, yes, I honestly didn't realize some people even thought he was 100% bad? but then you say that clearsight was awful and stuff, but she was also a child, with what I interpret as an anxiety disorder. and her paranoia about darkstalker becoming a murderer hurt him, but she wasn't...choosing to be paranoid, right? i see people on here wishing her death and I just don't see how that's different from people wishing darkstalker to be turned into peacemaker. and lots of people hate on indigo but she was also just very paranoid and distrusting of anyone (especially animi, except fathom) because of her and fathom's PTSD. like, is that not also valid? like can't they all be morally gray and nuanced? idk if I misinterpreted what you and other askers were saying though. also I acknowledge that I might not even have that opinion if I didn't relate to clearsight for a lot of the legends book.

overall I'm just so baffled at how i managed to do the mental gymnastics to believe that so many problematic things just... didn't happen? or were retconned off screen?? like how did my brain even do that? it's like I was reading different books entirely.

howdy, happy to have been able to provide a different perspective!

no, not at all. despite the problems with it, reading wings of fire does not make you a terrible person, nor does enjoying the story or the characters that tui created. i dont think WOF is necessarily as harmful as it could be, but what concerns me about new readers is simply that they may not read past tui's very surface level (and often incorrect) commentary about things like abuse and bigotry. but that doesnt mean you cant still enjoy the world imagined and the potential it holds. reading things with mistakes--especially re-reading them--can help you recognize what patterns to look for while reading and/or avoid while writing, etc

like you said though, re-reading it with the awareness of tui's misguided or sometimes even malicious messages is unpleasant. especially thinking about the great potential of it all. if you feel like you have the energy, i do encourage going back and making notes on what you'd change! you've already reflected on the problems very carefully, everything you summarized was very similar to how i felt on first realization

i truly hope your friends are understanding and willing to take a second look at WOF from a critical lens. it always feels horrible having a comfort media sort of dissolve so you can see its ugly bones (trust me ive gone through it too), but whats important is what you learn from that media and, if necessary, separate yourself from it, while taking the things that were comforting and making them your own

re: clearsight, i definitely agree with your points, and admittedly i have been bias in my earlier posts about her. she definitely was struggling with overwhelming anxiety, and any young teen who can see every future is going to have a different way of coping about it. clearsight isnt awful for being paranoid or trying to control things her own way (turning herself into a religion is another thing), she's an awful character because her flaws are rewarded instead of properly explored. i feel like moonwatcher was a better example of a character struggling with that kind of mental state and how it affects their loved ones

cause like, with clearsight, the problem i have isnt even the actions she took that were harmful as a child. darkstalker did plenty of that himself, they both together were an opportunity of how the same kind of mental instability is delt with. problem is, clearsight is portrayed by tui sutherland as Correct The Entire Time. like, she was right to be paranoid. she was right to think darkstalker was evil. she was right to have zero faith in him, because she was right that it was inevitable. this could have been a very self-fulfilling prophecy type of arc where both characters were destructive to each other, but clearsight is literally rewarded for her lifelong anxiety by essentially becoming a prophetic diety, and getting an exotic husband to have her dream kids with. this was the way tui sutherland wrote clearsight on purpose--to be a supposed underdog, to be the "good" mentally ill child (shes certainly not an abuse survivor like darkstalker, she has a healthy home life and support system) and she never acts out in the way darkstalker does, she in fact is portrayed as an underdog-turned-goddess. which would make for a great villain, but tui seems to write clearsight as a relatable and admirable figure, while reserving her narrative punishment for the problem children like darkstalker

TL;DR i dont think clearsight herself was awful as a child, just that she made awful decisions and is written awfully with an awful message lol

indigo i have less to say about because you're right, shes essentially just extremely traumatized for all the right reasons. i do think that the way tui justifies her fear and hatred towards animus magic (and therefore, an intrinsic part of who fathom is) as an ableist "theres only a matter of time before they snap" kind of implication that contributes to tui's weird "mentally unstable people are dangerous and will kill you" take. even if turtle later disproves this, indigo never grows past "all animus are evil and fathom must never do magic ever or hell be a monster" which i guess just doesnt feel fair to fathom

try not to feel so down on yourself though for not immediately recognizing all these problems, especially if you're young. we're all constantly learning new things, and not being aware of something doesnt mean you dont care about it. its never too late to go back and re-evaluate anything that you consume or create, with the new things that you've come to learn since then!

#tui sutherland #wings of fire #asks

[dreamforest15]

Lost

People Minerva McGonagall lost throughout her life. Part 1 Mary MacDonald

We'll first start this story with someone that Minerva didn't lose in the general sense. No, Mary MacDonald wasn't dead. She was pretty much alive and going through life with her head held high. But let's go back to the start when she first came to Hogwarts.

Mary McDonald was a brown-skinned muggle-born. When she first came to Hogwarts she was bubbly and lively. She talked a lot in class. She had friends in all of the houses except Slytherin. You have to remember she was a student at a time when most of the Slytherin kids were either death eaters in the making or just prejudiced against the muggle-borns like her. She wasn't a Gryffindor, she was a Hufflepuff. But she was quite gifted in Transfiguration Minerva noticed quickly. It didn't take long for her to become one of Minerva's favourite students.

In her fourth year, Mary experienced something terrible. She didn't remember what happened to her. She only remembers being cornered by Muliciber and his Slytherin gang. She remembers being in extreme pain. She remembers seeing red sparks. But she doesn't remember what exactly happened. In an instant, the fun and bubbly teenager Minerva had once known became quiet and distant. She rarely talked in class anymore and slowly closed in on herself. As days went on her friends stopped trying to talk to her and gave her space. 

Minerva tried convincing the school governors about expelling Muliciber. She and Dumbledore tried everything in their might to make that happen but they were dismissed. The governors dismissed Mary's claims about Muliciber saying she couldn't tell them exactly what happened to her. It'd be immoral to expel someone based on words that had a high chance of being false. But Minerva knew the truth. Muliciber was from a rich pureblood family, they had lots of influence in the wizarding world including the school. 

So, she had to let it go. But she kept an eye on Muliciber as well as Mary. She did the next best thing she could offer. She invited Mary to her office at lunch and tried to talk to her, she gave the girl extra defence lessons since the teacher that year was as good as an insect. Mary seemed to appreciate the lessons quite a lot.

Mary was a force to reckon with Minerva learned early on in her extra lessons. And when she requested she wanted to practice defence with some other students Minerva took the offer up to Dumbledore immediately. He seemed to appreciate the idea and permitted Minerva to make a defence club. Little did she know his intentions were more than mere self-defence. 

The next morning at breakfast she told Mary about making the defence club. The girl's brown eyes lit up with excitement, possibly for the first time in months. Minerva offered her office as the place for practice which she excepted gladly. The next day she saw dark pink leaflets being distributed among the Hufflepuff, Gryffindor and Ravenclaw students. Apparently, Lily Evans helped Mary MacDonald make them overnight and was the first to join Mary's club. 

To no one's surprise, James Potter and his gang of mischief makers were the next to join along with a few other muggle-borns and pure and half-bloods of three of the four houses. Minerva noticed James taking Mary slowly under his wings, helping her with more difficult spells and sometimes making Sirius help her if he was unable to perform the spell himself. She saw Lily Evans and Remus Lupin making an effort of talking to Mary, making the younger girl more comfortable around people again. Peter Pettigrew and Emmeline Vance started forcing her to play board games with them. And after a while, Marlene Mckinnon and Dorcas Meadows started joining them. 

As the term ended and a new one began things started getting worse for the muggle-born students. Mary and Lily started sticking close to each other despite their year and house differences. Lily's friends Marlene and Dorcas and Mary's friend Emmeline who stuck to her through the worst of her school years became warier as the rumours about a dark lord started spreading rapidly. Minerva noticed Mary's hand going towards her wand even in the slightest movement. That was the year she saw a group as big as theirs. They were nine people constantly sticking together, protecting each other. 

Things only got worse for Mary as the years approached and Lily, James and the class of 78 graduated. She only had Emmeline left. The once bubbly girl who endured one of the worst the prejudice had to offer at the age of fourteen became vacant as the days went on. The only people she trusted in the school had graduated. In the last year of her school, Minerva watched as she and Emmeline stopped coming to the defence club, instead choosing to practice spells on their own in the astronomy tower and keeping away from other students. Always watching out for a sudden movement. 

As the years approached Mary graduated from Hogwarts, promising Minerva that she would see her again but she didn't think it'd take this long. Mary, however brave and strong she had been didn't join the war effort. In fact, it seemed like she completely disappeared from the face of the earth. Even Emmeline, her best friend couldn't tell where she was. Minerva remembered asking the young witch about her friend in one of the Order meetings in the first war. With a sad and hurt expression, she said she had no idea. Minerva never asked her again. 

She heard from Mary twice since she left school, once when the Potters were murdered and once when Emmeline Vance has been murdered. The Potters' news spread like wildfire so Mary wrote on her own accord, asking how many of her friends were still alive. And when Emmeline died Minerva felt like she was obliged to give Mary this news. Mary wrote her back immediately, thanking her for letting her know that all of her friends were now gone. Minerva wrote back, saying Remus and Sirius were still here. But Mary didn't write her back and in weeks Sirius was gone too and Remus started taking dangerous works so she didn't know what was true anymore. 

Years progressed and the war ended, taking the lives of Minerva's precious students and friends, she didn't hear from Mary anymore although she had sent her a letter letting her know it was all done. All the struggles were finished. But one faithful morning in August, just one month before the new term was about to start Hagrid came into Dumbledore's old office which was Minerva's now.

He told her someone was here to see her, a brown-skinned witch who claimed herself as Mary McDonald. Minerva walked into the ground to see a familiar yet unfamiliar face observing the place. When she felt Minerva's presence she looked up with a small smile. 

"It has changed a lot professor," Mary said softly. Minerva couldn't stop herself, her face spilt into a broad smile. 

"A lot of the parts were destroyed two years ago," Mary nodded before hugging the professor and sobbing.

"Professor, my daughter turned eleven this year and she got her letter. She's so excited to attend Hogwarts but-" Mary broke the hug and drew in a sharp breath, "But- my memories of this world aren't- aren't that pleasant." Minerva nodded and patted Mary's shoulder. 

"I don't know if you've seen the last letter I sent you—"

"I have professor," Mary cut her off. "And I'm so sorry. I just couldn't bare coming back to this world after... after everything that happened,"

Minerva nodded understandingly, "and I don't blame you. You've endured a lot. And you've only lost things in this world rather than gaining anything. But things have changed miss—"

"Please call me Mary professor. I've always wanted to hear my name from you. Besides I'm not Miss anymore,"

"Things have changed Mary," Minerva smiled a soft smile. "And I know I can't guarantee you that there won't be any prejudices against muggles and muggle-borns but no one will attack their fellow pupils anymore. And I'm sure your daughter will be a lovely addition to this world just like you are,"

"I haven't been in this world since I turned seventeen,"

"You've always been a part of this world, MacDonald, even though you have kept your distance,"

"I'll send her here professor. She's so excited and I can't deny her the experience that I had. Even after that incident and all the paranoia, Hogwarts has been home," Mary seemed to hesitate before opening her mouth again, "Professor... I-I kept news of the wizarding world and I know Lily had a son and he was the one to end it all,"

"You want to meet Mr Potter," Minerva smiled.

"I know I shouldn't go to him now when I didn't go at the time he needed someone the most but—"

"Mary," Minerva stopped her, "I'm sure Harry will love to meet you. He still cherishes stories of his parents. He didn't get to hear much of them. Remus and Sirius came into his life for only a short period of time," she smiled sadly while Mary's eyes swam with water, "I think you'd find Remus' son with him now as well," Mary looked shocked, "Here," Minerva conjured a paper from thin air and handed it to Mary. 

"Remus had a son?"

"He's only two years old," Minerva smiled fondly at the reminder of the blue-haired baby, another wartime child who wasn't going to know his parents.

"Isn't he supposed to be with his mother?" Minerva gave her a grave look and she understood. "Was she a student of yours too professor?" Mary asked quietly. 

"She was," Minerva nodded, "In fact, she was in your old house. The youngest auror, a metamorpmagus. You'd be so proud." Mary nodded staring at the address on her hand distantly before starting to walk out of the castle but Minerva wanted to say something to her so, she called her, "It's good to see you again miss MacDonald," and this time Mary didn't correct her, she just looked back and smiled before continuing her walk again, "I'll be expecting a letter telling your daughter will be attending.” Mary's quiet laughter was heard before she disappeared out of the school ground and onto Hogsmeade.

Her arrival made Minerva suddenly feel too tired and old and she couldn't stand there anymore. She sat down on the grass-filled field where she had spent so many years of her life. Her childhood, her adulthood and now her last years. She can't remember a time in her life when she wasn't here. She's seen too many students, too many children come here with hope and wonder in their eyes and leave with determination or a broken heart. She's seen so many of her students join the war effort both in the light and dark side. She's lost too many of her students, her children in wars. Mary's arrival today reminded her of the fact that an entire generation was robbed of their lives and another one was about to live the rest of theirs with severe trauma. She hoped no other generation will have to endure what the last few had.

#marauders #marauders era #mary macdonald #minerva mcgonagall #james potter #lily evans #peter pettigrew #sirius black #remus lupin #heavy angst #harry potter #harry james potter #hufflefluff #teddy lupin #mary macdonald is a hufflepuff #dorcas meadowes #marlene mckinnon #they deserved better #hp marauders

[the12thnightproject]

Even if Tempest

A semi-spoiler gush/mini review about a game that no one else seems to be playing. Which is kind of the story of my life. Either I find something long after people have stopped regularly playing... or before anyone else has picked it up. Or nobody else likes?

Basically the overall plot of EiT is that the MC (Anastasia, but as per usual you can change that) has spent the last eight years of her life held prisoner in the attic due to her wicked stepmother and evil stepsister and abusive father. Cue the entry of a handsome prince who rescues her, proposes... and then everything goes horribly wrong and she ends up being burned as a witch (none of this is a real spoiler - it's part of the game description/trailer).

Then MC is given the power of the "Fatal Rewind" which allows her to go back to whatever point she chooses in her life and re-do things. Her goal is to get revenge on those who have wronged her but also her mission (given to her by a cute being who also gives her the rewind power) is to locate the "Witch of Ruin" who happens to be causing havoc in the country.

When MC reboots herself the first time, she returns to the point before she was imprisoned in the attic, and her little 10 year old self runs away from home, and joins up as a cadet to become part of the Winged corps (basically knights who ride giant birds called Garudas). Over the next eight years, she trains in archery and fighting, and she is a total badass and I love her. MC is amazing.

So, that's more or less where the routes begin.

Structure:

The structure of the game is unusual in that you are only able to play the routes in a prescribed order: Crius or Tyril (you do get a choice which to play first of those two, but I think Crius's route is a better intro into the world), then Zenn, then Lucien. None of the endings of these routes (except for the last one) are happy.

Prepare for angst.

And sad.

Big sad sometimes.

Because in between routes (and sometimes within routes) MC plays her "fatal rewind" card, and tries again to get her revenge and also defeat the witch. Or save the life of someone who dies within the route. Once you successfully finish all four routes (without getting a dead, bad, or tragic end), you then get to play through the happy endings, and then there's a summary epilogue.

Additional game play:

Within each of these routes, there is a trial of sorts, which depending on the route, MC is either a suspect, an inquisitor, or the murderer. ... it... will make more sense when you play it. Well. By the second time you get to a trial, it will make more sense. You get a chance to investigate the suspects pre-tiral, but you've only got a certain amount of time to do that, and there are more suspects than time, so you will have to choose carefully.

Save your data often.

Emotional Arc:

Did I mention the MC is awesome? She grows and learns lessons throughout the story, both philosophical lessons, and life lessons. There are musings on "whose responsibility is your happiness?" "Is it better to live for yourself or for others?" "What is the cost of revenge?" And the all important, "Yes, it totally is appropriate to ask for help."

Oh, and the insanity:

This game throws pretty much everything into the soup ... there's the aforementioned witch; a killer clown; a handsome prince; an evil prince; the stepmother; giant birds; a terrible illness; murders; death; rebirth; an isekai'd basketball player (or maybe it was rugby... the game was not clear), priests who have committed abuse; stalkers; a mysterious lost tribe; a ninja; an assassin ... and yet even though some of this stuff was never really answered (the killer clown... what? who? why?), it still was totally compelling.

Maya!:

MC has a best friend, faithful maid named Maya who is there for her through everything ... which means that Maya gets put through the same kind of hell that MC does (and sometimes worse). Maya is great. I wish Maya got a LI too. Maya deserves .... hmm.... fanfic. (Must ponder that - especially since Maya and one of the LI's, Tyril, are a hoot together.)

Oh and of course... the LIs... all of whom were great, three of whom I fell for in different ways... and the fourth... is a good guy too.

Crius Castlerock:

Crius is the commander of the winged forces, so he's a little older than MC. He's got a reputation as a flirt, is always there to try to help everyone else's problems, and will sacrifice himself for others. (Basically, a Shingen Takeda type).

Tyril Lister:

Tyril is an inquisitor, has an unlikely friendship with Crius (and Zenn), is harsh, sarcastic, has a ton of secrets, definitely a tsundere, and is a fan of torture devices. The dialogue in the Tyril/MC route is nicely quippy, and once MC gets to know Tyril, she realizes he's got a soft, sweet, gooey center.

It's... um deep down.

Zenn:

Zenn is a bit standoffish at first, he hangs back, and he's got really good reasons for at first distrusting MC. But once he's in, he's all in. He's always got her back, and appears to have brother zoned her (for... reasons). Oh and he's built. Look at the six pack in the above CG. He looks like Motonari, behaves a little like Hideyoshi, and has Mitsuhide's VA (I found it kind of surreal, because I was rereading Mitsuhide's route at the same time as Zenn's). Zenn's route is definitely a ride.

Lucien:

Prince Lucien is the childhood friend of MC. When she disappeared, he was devastated and has never stopped trying to find her. He's a sweetheart, definitely a cinnamon roll (a running gag is that he'll often tear up, but then exclaim it's just because he has weak tear ducts). Lucien is a sweetheart, but the childhood friends to lovers trope just isn't one of my favorites. But you get to know Lucien a lot better than the other LIs, partially because when you get to his route, the first half is in his POV (for ... plot reasons).

Warnings:

This game is pretty bloody and dark. When the Witch appears in the town, he picks one person and gives them the ability to kill whoever they want, without fear and remorse. It's interesting and terrifying to have routes where characters you know and love are freed from moral restraint. In some routes there are also additional murders /death threats.

The deaths happen off camera, more or less (your screen will suddenly turn red), but they are described, and additionally, you will encounter characters with blood on their hands and faces. I didn't think it was especially gory (it's no Red Wedding) but there are certainly descriptions of violence.

The inter-route endings are sad. Not all of the LIs, or friends of MC survive (but you'll have the knowledge that MC is going to rewind time to prevent it next time).

It's angsty. MC goes through a lot.

In spite of that, I found the game extremely compelling. The crazysauce plot, and emotional arc, and the fun dialogue are all plusses in my mind, and made up for the violence and angst.

#even if tempest #game review #switch #crius castlerock #tyril i lister #zenn sorfield #lucien neuschburn #voltage #spoilers #even if tempest spoilers #eit #eit spoilers #Youtube

[safyresky]

Nobody:

Nobody:

Me: sorry, did someone ask for some older Fino, Fiera, and Jacqueline? Oh! Well here you go!

Okok so these are kinda lil. BAD sketches lmao except for the top ones!! Practise makes perfect and I'll get them right eventually!! :3 Mind the cam scan watermark, I always forget to crop it out 🙄🙄🙄

anyway some hot facts about Fiera, Fino, and Jacquie when they are a weee bit older than they are now below the cut!

First up: Fiera!

BUNS. She has FIERY BUNS! On her head. And freckles, apparently

Absolutely VIBING ribbons

She causes a ruckus, a stir up, but in the most elegant of ways which nobody expected, least of all Fiera

She's become v good at summer sprite-ing. Her fire is RAINBOW sometimes, she's very proud of that!

She and Fino both have the same face shape, same noses, and same freckles funnily enough! V. similar twins

The second doodle is a bit of a better Fiera-Hair. She's not as spinelly as I drew her at the top!

What is she up to? No idea! Adventure is out there and she's an on fire ribbony mess. She's carpe dieming that SHIT

Both she and Fino got a lot of Winter's more angular (pointy) features, and are very lanky. they have no fluff or curves. They are also both very tall!

Fino!

He's a very very VERY skilled warlock

And just as good as Fiera at fire manipulation--he's seen his Dad and Uncle and Fino went yeah, no, I'm gonna get real good at BOTH the summer sprite shit AND the warlock shit!

And then he did.

Smaller simmer of hair at the top; but it's pretty long! By Fino standards, at least. not quite a mullet but if you squint....

Spends most of his time in the human world cultivating the reputation of weird forest wizard, helping local kids and ordibeings down on their luck

he likes nature a LOT

Went to castor school in Crystal Springs, fucking ROCKED IT

And of course, last but certainly not least: Jacqueline!

Happily married to Dite (who has, at this point, forged her own identity and goes by her name: Hedone! Jacqueline calls her Donnie for short ;)

They have 3 kids!

They are just as unhinged as Jacqueline with all of the Frost crazy and bits and pieces of god power thanks to Donnie (Dite), and sass out the ass since their granpater (Cupid) is. well. like that lol

Jacqueline loves them very, very, VERY much

Jacqueline: My kids are so terrible and I love them soooo much for it 🥺🥺🥺🥺

She tries really hard to keep her hair up in a messy fat bun, but by the end of the day it's fallen down completely

Has smile lines like her parents do!!!!

She is out here Jack Frosting officially

SMILE LINES!

Still cannot seem to leave behind poofy sleeves 🤔

Lives in ordibeing world with Donnie and the kids. Kids go to human school; they cause all sorts of shenanigans

The middlest, Bianca, has a tiktok devoted to her moms called magic moms. In it, Donnie and Jacquie just exist as their magical selves and Bianca gets a kick out of all the human commentors being like WOW THEY ARE SUPER GOOD AT MAGIC HOW DOES SHE GET HER HAIR LIKE THAT? HOW DOES YOUR MATER MAKE HER WINGS MOVE LIKE HANDS? And their insistence that Bianca's answer of "they're for real actually magical beings" is not true

Also has a smattering of magibeans following who like to cause problems with ordibeings in the comments and Bianca LIVES for this

Jacqueline also lives for this magic moms thing, she thinks it's funny. Her fave video is one where Bianca charges in and goes MOM SHOW THEM HOW YOU DO YOUR HAIR and Jacqueline goes WELL, I FREEZE DRY, AND IT'S VERY EASY. YOU SUMMON YOUR FROSTY POWERS AND JUST RUN YOUR HANDS THROUGH YOUR HAIR AND MOLD IT INTO THE SHAPE YOU WANT! BOOM! DONE! You can use snow or ice or mix it UP. sometimes a light dusting of frost is gr8 for when you wanna just. have your hair down but not in your face :)

Everyone trying to debunk the sfx after that one gave Bianca and Jacquie many fun nights in the evening chillin on the couch. watching the replies. just a Legend and her Legate bonding

Jack follows magic moms and is the BIGGEST shit stirrer in the comments

EVERYONE LOVES UNCLE JACK LMAO

#dani speaks #dani doodles #BADLY lmao #jacquie's outfit for when she's older has been a thing for like. a year or so now #i am still battling the urge to give her a villain collar up top lol #crystal springs #tsc #tsc: cs #also diteline kids are a blast :3 and dite's story that leads to her accepting herself as she is hedones and all is so GOOD #jacqueline's a damsel in distress in it >:) #ask me about diteline kids. go on. i dare you

[dearaliya]

Audio Books: I'm picky, but it's for a good reason!

Dear Aliya,

My headphones are aliveeeee, with the sound of some rotten audiobooks.

I would like to preface that voice actors are wonderful and I think their profession is an impossibly difficult one. I can never hope to convey the emotions they do just through their voices and I wish everyone prosperous employment always.

Audiobooks are a delight. I wouldn't be able to read (listen) to half the content I do if they did not exist. Sometimes I just can't allocate time to sit down and read, life is an unending ordeal until promptly, it ends. Having someone read me a book harkens to a kinder time, when I went to bed at the same time the sun did and my biggest concern was quicksand, god forbid I ever run into it.

However and with love in my heart... was no one else available for some of these titles?

I've only encountered a small handful of titles I am forced to claw my schedule open to read, but god if they aren't the ones I'd love to just close my eyes and listen to.

First and foremost, Fourth Wing.

The unfortunate thing about first-person narration is that the voice actor reading the book also inadvertently becomes the character. A head cold didn't help this poor narrator for the first handful of chapters, but at least that was likely a deadline thing. I don't know what voice I'd expected for Violet Sorrengail, but it certainly wasn't this. Moody teenager was a solid ballpark to aim for, but some of the line deliveries are odd at best and terrible at worst. Nasally, almost whinging and there are several different accents going on concurrently because words, simple everyday words, are pronounced differently the entire way through.

Which is a real shame because this V.A. has done other readings and sounds significantly better, there seemed to be just a lack of decision about how the character's personalities would translate into their voices.

Or it was a really off month.

Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes

Ohohoho? Listened to the whole thing only to say at the end I didn't like it? Who am I, a Karen at a fast food joint?

Truth be told, the V.A. did a really good job for Coriolanus and a lot of the male characters. His line deliveries, especially the ones that are for lack of a better word bonkers, sparked a laugh more often than not. All the female ones sounded the same, though there were hints of attempts to change up cadence and tone to convey the different personalities. He can't particularly sing either, but it's mighty unfair of me to point at that when in fairness he didn't actually have a tune to go off, just lyrics.

Except that this just in! Santino Fontana, the man reading this book, is a broadway actor and is known for playing Hans in Frozen. BROTHER CAN SING, DON’T KNOW WHY HE DIDN’T!

La la la la la la la la la???? SPOKEN???

He was so close to being off the hook but he is not the worst thing going.

THE EDITOR???? BRING THEM TO MY DOORSTEP.

Cuts and jumps and changes in audio volume and quality and whoooooooo okayed this? Some of the most tension riddle scenes, truly sitting on the edge of my seat for what may happen, and I'm dragged out of my immersion kicking and screaming when the audio suddenly changes.

If you wanted people to fall out of love with this book, you almost succeeded! It is through sheer love of the franchise (and my physical copy that I switched to) that I still am a fan of the material.

Nothing more comes to mind, so I appreciate you listening to my thoughts. I’ll see you next time, stay well!

Hannah xx

#audiobooks #abosas #fourth wing #violet sorrengail #coriolanus snow #hunger games

[elliepassmore]

Godkiller review

5/5 stars Recommended if you like: high fantasy, gods and goddesses, multiple POVs, complex characters, disability rep This book was absolutely fantastic. I loved the characters and the worldbuilding, the adventure and the magic. It's a relatively short book and I zoomed through it and now I desperately need the sequel. In this world, gods used to be as common as loose change. Since the god war though, they've been slowly killed until many of the old and wild gods are dead and the ones that still exist remain hidden. I always like worlds like this, where there are gods aplenty and you just sort of 'pick some,' and this is no exception. I also liked that the gods could take different forms, though some of them remained in one form (like Skedi). The book also deals a lot with the different ways gods are created, maintained, and destroyed, which I found to be super interesting. Despite the erasure of the gods from everyday life, and the unity that seemed to exist for at least a short while after the god war, Middren is a country on the brink. On the bring of rebellion, on the brink of religion. We come across a lot of different people throughout the book, some in support of the king and his policies (or at least uncaring enough about them) and others who are completely against both, and then of course some that fall somewhere in the middle. I really liked seeing the wide range of people the three/four MCs come across and liked the feeling of complexity associated with them. The settings were also rich and I wished I could step through the pages and be in Lesscia or on the road with the gang (not so much Blenraden, but I am intrigued). Kaner does a good job of not just capturing what the world around the characters looks like, but also what it sounds and smells like. The imagery felt very vibrant and each of the main settings is distinct enough to leave an impression. For the characters themselves, Kissen is definitely my favorite. She's a godkiller, has been equally loved and reviled by gods, and is world-weary enough to be gruff about it. Kissen is 100% the poster child for 'grumpy character with a heart of gold' and it shows. I like how complex she is as a character. Yes, she's a godkiller, but she doesn't kill them discriminately, just when asked because they've become dangerous to the humans worshipping them. Likewise, she makes sure people know the god part of godkiller is the important part, she's not one to kill other people. She definitely becomes more open during the course of the book, and considering what that means in terms of her travel companions and ideologies, I'm going to call that character growth. I'm very interested in seeing where book 2 takes her. Inara is my second favorite. She's a pre-teen girl tethered to a godling, and if that wasn't enough, it seems nobody outside her noble house even knows she exists. After having nearly 24 hours to think about the book, secrets, and characters, I'm fairly certain I know why, but I'm definitely still intrigued and am curious to see how the next book deals with that question. Inara definitely has to shoulder a lot throughout the book, but she actually handles things pretty well and even if she has an attitude sometimes, I'm inclined to think she's entitled to it. She's the kind of person too who may be freaked out by what's going on but will jump to action if she thinks it's the right thing. Skediceth, Skedi, is a curious one. He's Inara's godling (or Inara is his worshipper, whatever), and it's immediately clear that he cares about her and enjoys being her companion, even if he wants to find his own shrine and be free. At the same time, despite that love, Skedi also has a huge capacity for making terrible choices...but at least he realizes it, lol. I also really liked the description of him as a size-changing wolpertinger (or winged jackalope). Elogast, Elo, is an ex-knight-turned-baker who used to be BFFs with the king back when they were boys and the current king wasn't even really a consideration for the throne. Like Kissen, Elo is pretty world-weary, just for somewhat different reasons. While he's put his knighting behind him, Elo is still drawn by loyalty and a mile-wide streak of justice to go on his quest. I think his character is particularly interesting because he's dealing not just with his past, but what he's missed of the present re: evolution of Middren since the war. He really does desire to put things right, whether it be with his king or with Inara or with random strangers, but that desire sometimes also blinds him to the bigger picture. I still really enjoy his character and want to know how he handles things going forward. Something I think Kaner does quite well is her inclusion of mental illness and disabilities. Kissen is an amputee that uses both a prosthetic leg and a wheelchair at different points in the book. While she uses her prosthetic for most of the book, Kaner includes little details about it and how it affects her in the day-to-day and when fighting so that Kissen's disability isn't just brushed off as 'oh she can walk with a prosthetic, moving on'. Kissen's adoptive sister/friend, Yatho, also uses a wheelchair, and Yatho's wife, Telle, is Deaf and uses sign language. Kissen and Inara also use sign with each other when they don't want other people overhearing. Elo fought in the god war and, as a natural progression of that, has PTSD (though it isn't called that in the book). There are moments when he suffers from tremors and flashbacks, and I liked how he turns to kneading bread as a stim/comfort action. There are a lot of really interesting things going on in this book and I'm eager to see where they lead in book 2. I definitely recommend this if you're in the mood for an epic fantasy and it makes for a great quick read.

#book #book recommendations #bookblr #bookshelf #books #queer books #bookstagram #booklr #bookaholic #bookaddict #fantasy books #fantasy #multiple povs #lgbtq characters #high fantasy #bookish #characters of color #godkiller

[pankataratos-ficdump]

ARADIA: you know? actually what i think is that the more you try to convince yourself that you are a bad person

ARADIA: the more you will eventually become that person

She just looks at you, smiling in a way that you know is bullshit from its core. You stare back at her, and you wish that you felt something other than tired. A kernel of you that you do not deny but do try not to look at actually misses when she did not smile at all 

       —it sits deep inside your gut, where you have buried it so far down that you no longer know the name of the emotion, but you do know that you stored it right alongside everything else you used to think you had a right to feel—

because at least then she didn't try to make you feel better at her own expense.  

ARADIA: sollux

ARADIA: dont you ever get tired of blaming yourself for everything

ARADIA: except for the things you actually did?

---

Terezi knows that when you do not answer, it is because you are trying to think about the answer. Aradia knows this, too, but when you are quiet for too long she bumps her tiny elbow against yours anyway, closing the distance that you've put between you with an easy flutter of her wings. You drink straight from the neck, and she does not stop you, but she does frown.

ARADIA: i mean first of all i understand that you have your thing with being better than karkat at everything he tries for some weird reason but

ARADIA: i thought that blaming yourself for things you had no control over was kind of karkats only job! you should probably let him keep it

SOLLUX: eheheheh. ii mean yeah, fair poiint. hard pa22 on "kk haviing nothiing better two do than troll liiterally everyone about the 2ame three epii2ode2 of 2oap opera for another month."

ARADIA: that was pretty terrible yes

ARADIA: i would not like to do that again

SOLLUX: jegu2, who would.

SOLLUX: but al2o fuck you, ii quite liiterally only blame my2elf for the 2tuff that wa2 actually my fault. a2 iin, LIITERALLY, ii have no iidea what you're talkiing about but ii'd love iit iif you 2topped.

SOLLUX: fuck. now they've got me u2iing that fuckiing word. ii hate that fuckiing word.

ARADIA: lol! 0u0

ARADIA: ive LITERALLY already told you this but you really would be surprised how much of all this was preordained and

SOLLUX: aauuuugghghggh fuck you.

ARADIA: hehehe

ARADIA: but a lot of it really isnt your fault!

SOLLUX: look ii hear you. 'iit'2 not me iit'2 the doom thiing!'. ii know. ii get the 2chtiick aa ok, ii actually really don't have any problem beiing the fiir2t guy iin liine for the new launch of the next biig thiing ii fucked up. 2hiit ii 2howed up two periigee2 early and 2at out2iide the troll game2top two pick up the fiir2t copy ok, ii had two fii2tfiight a juggalo for the riight2 two be 2ure that ii got the mo2t liimiited ediitiion po22iible ver2iion of the 2hort end of the 2chtiick. lucky me. ii GET iit.

ARADIA: but you dont get it at all

ARADIA: thats the exact problem we keep talking around every time we do this

ARADIA: and what bothers me is that you know that, and you do get it, but you just dont want to admit it and i dont understand why

ARADIA: jegus you make me so mad when you talk like this

ARADIA: for such a smart guy sometimes youre the dumbest person i know! maybe…

ARADIA: about…

SOLLUX: don't 2ay "but only half the tiime."

ARADIA: :D

SOLLUX:

ARADIA: :D

SOLLUX: ...half the time.

ARADIA: :D!!! yay thank you

SOLLUX: no problem. yeah, though. ok. you're riight. ii agree iin an expliiciitly not self-deprecatiing way. now what.

ARADIA: well

SOLLUX: no waiit. 2orry. ju2t… hang on, for a minute, ok?

ARADIA: ok

ARADIA: we have plenty of time

SOLLUX: yeah. yeah we do.

SOLLUX: fuck god damn iit, ii mean, yeah eheheh. you're made of iit. 2orry, mii22ed that one.

ARADIA: 0u0

ARADIA: thats ok, youre thinking

SOLLUX: yeah.

SOLLUX: thanks.

[...]

SOLLUX: you… want a beer?

ARADIA: you know what? yes

ARADIA: fuck it 0u0

SOLLUX: that'2 the 2piiriit.

ARADIA: hehehehehe

ARADIA: that was a double pun too! very nice

SOLLUX: eheheh. thank2. 2o hey before we do thii2.

ARADIA: mhmm?

SOLLUX: what ii2 that thiing you're doiing wiith your hand2.

ARADIA: its called finger guns! i learned it from the humans, no idea what it means but you do it when somebody makes a pun

SOLLUX: oh.

ARADIA: want to try?

SOLLUX: iit'll look dumb on me. compared two you, on you iit'2 adorable but.

SOLLUX: yeah, 2ure, why not.

[...]

ARADIA: i think i finally understand what you meant that one time you were mean on purpose

SOLLUX: ii'm mean on purpo2e a lot aa. whiich tiime.

ARADIA: the one when you said sometimes you think you liked me better when i was dead

SOLLUX: huh? oh fuck ok. FUCK. aa you know ii diidn't—

ARADIA: no i mean it! i really do think i understand now in a way i didnt then and now im a lot less upset about it actually

ARADIA: i mean i believed you when you explained but now i actually understand! because

ARADIA: sometimes i think i like you better when youre drunk

SOLLUX: ...

ARADIA: you tell me jokes again

SOLLUX: oh.

SOLLUX: yeah. me two.

ARADIA: i know

ARADIA: thats why it makes me so sad

SOLLUX: ...aa. look.

ARADIA: i know! youre sorry. i wouldnt be sad if you werent

ARADIA: im sorry too

[...]

SOLLUX: waiit fuck ii ju2t notiiced thii2 2ound2 a lot liike a breakup talk. are we breakiing up?

ARADIA: sollux

ARADIA: i am in a pretty good position to tell you that we have been best friends for as long as we have existed in time together!

SOLLUX: oh. really?

ARADIA: yep!

SOLLUX: that'2 cool.

ARADIA: i know! but let me finish im almost done

SOLLUX: 2orry.

ARADIA: its ok but anyway, i dont think i want to find a point where that stops and i havent so far, so i dont think that i will now

ARADIA: but i also dont think that we have been "together" for a while now

SOLLUX: yeah. ok.

[...]

SOLLUX: ii gue22 iit wa2 obviiou2 two everybody but u2 huh.

ARADIA: yep! these things usually are im told

ARADIA: except for eridan i think he thinks were moirails or something

SOLLUX: lol, what??? that'2 hiilariiou2.

ARADIA: right!

SOLLUX: …2o.

ARADIA: :D

ARADIA: are you

ARADIA: are you going to say the line?

SOLLUX: yeah.

ARADIA: say it

SOLLUX: 2iigh. 2o. ju2t to be clear.

ARADIA: (enthusiastic silence)

SOLLUX: are we 2tiill friiend2?

ARADIA: youre right

ARADIA: that is

ARADIA: SO funny

ARADIA: yes we are

SOLLUX: cool.

ARADIA: can i have another beer?

SOLLUX: yeah. ii'm out here though we'll have two head hiive.

SOLLUX: hey.

ARADIA: mm?

SOLLUX: wanna get drunk and help me tra2h kk at mariio kart?

ARADIA: sure!

ARADIA: whats that?

SOLLUX: you'll be good at iit, don't worry.

[nankurunaisafukanona]

Surprising things about me!!!!

1. Haters call me "The Grudge" because when I was little I had long black hair like Sadako and to them im creepy. And creepy now cause they think im a GRUDGE OR TERRIBLE PRESENCE LEACHING OFF PEOPLE'S energy in order to BECOME HAPPY AND DO WHAT I WANT AND GET LOVE. But I don't want love I want friends. Love is something you can obtain easier through being friends and comforting and connecting with one another getting love COULD BE ONE SIDED meaning you can't be a FRIEND UNLESS YOU ACT YOURSELF and that's what it means they think I want love technically it's fake love but they think im too stupid to THINK THAT.... Everybody who hates me calls me the Grudge. So, like alot of people. Don't make me count.

2. I hate ALL PIXAR MOVIES except for WALLE, Wreck-it-Ralph and Big Hero Six.... But I don't love them just the characters WALLE, Eve, Vanellope Von Schweetz and Baymax!!!! But I love how they were incorporated in Kingdom Hearts!!!! I love TRADITIONAL cartoon 2D Disney movies though!!!! I didn't even love love Toy story I just thought it was ok like walle, wreck it Ralph and Big Hero Six im more in love with the characters then the whole thing but the rest of characters are creative enough to be im Disney though too.

3. If I eat vanilla I most likely will cry of DISTURBANCE.... The taste disturbs me. I hate vanilla. I'm 100% chocolate girl!!!! It's cause it taste like a spoonful of sugar!!!! But I don't like a spoonful of sugar always I guess I like sugar with other things but not alone and that's why I don't like vanilla.... But, sugar is in milk chocolate so I don't like it alone though....

4. When I was younger I thought the only differences between boys and girls were boys mostly had short hair but girls had longer hair and their chest didnt grow when larger.... Well they explained ours grow larger after they explained WOMAN weren't other older beings they were just little girls OLDER so yeah that was another one....

5. I only like organic candies except for jolly rancher lollipops, chocolate, Starburst gummies sour (NOT THE HARD ONES or not sour the hard ones I hate TOO) Reeses, York, and the three musketeer, oh fun dip and pixie stix!!!! (I never eat the white stick though I don't like it alone)!

6. I love spicy foods!!!!! Especially spicy challenge Ramen and challenge wings!!!! I eat challenge Ramen when I can all the time and focusing on it and zoning out other things whe it tingles on top of your tongue can be quite peaceful if your zoning out other people and things somehow!!!! No matter how spicy it is. Sometimes the meals I get used to being spicy are a bit tangy and they taste quite good after a bit....

This short thing is everything for the milisecond!!!!

[acourtofbooksandfantasy]

Starfall - Azriel x fem! Reader

Disclaimer: this is my first piece I’ve ever published. I’m not taking requests but would be open to ideas for new things to write! Let me know what you think. I had this idea the other day and couldn’t stop thinking about it until I wrote it down. I also originally named the main fem! character but decided to make it Y/N at the last minute, so if her name is in there then whoops! Either way, enjoy xx

Starfall. The most beautiful night in Prythian. Souls traveling to a far off place, leaving a blinding beauty in their wake. The Night Court prepared for weeks to welcome their passage.

Each member of the Inner Circle enjoyed this day, but Azriel often used this day to mourn. And to hope. Each year, he would wish upon those flying glimmers of starlight. Praying. Hoping. One day, he would find his mate.

In the past, he used the evening to drink and pray and hope that Mor would realize she was his mate. But when she and Emerie confirmed their mating bond two years prior, Azriel simply used this evening to wish upon the stars for someone of his very own.

This year was not any different, until two months before when a secret Illyrian camp was raided and a young woman was found, wingless. She was battered and bruised, terrified of any male who came near her. Cassian had brought her back to the House of Wind with Feyre’s help, to give her a place to recover and rest.

Over the coming weeks, she revealed to Mor and Amren that her name was Y/N, and that she had been sold to the foul Illyrians at a high price to help support her family. She was used for work, cleaning and cooking, and kept in a small room. She revealed her wings were taken after a visit where Rhysand and Cassian required Devlon to start training all Illyrian females. As she told the story, even Amren shed a tear.

Cassian and Azriel were introduced to Y/N, along with Nesta, to help train her. Even without wings, Feyre believed it would do her much good to know how to protect herself. And Y/N vowed she would never again let someone lay hands on her unless she asked. Over the weeks, Cassian and Azriel coached from the sidelines as Nesta and Mor demonstrated and helped, since Y/N still feared the males being too close. Each day she grew a little stronger, and became more confident. It became evident just how much the training was helping her mentally when she agreed to come out for a night at Rita’s with the Inner Circle. Much to Morrigan’s delight, as she would finally have a friend to dance with who wouldn’t make inappropriate comments like Cass.

Azriel couldn’t help but watch from across the bar as Mor and Y/N jumped and spun, without a care in the world. However, he became alarmed as he noticed two dark males approaching her from behind. Each one reached to grab her arms, and he growled as he flew from his chair. He pushed the men back, scooping Y/N into his arms and winnowing both her and Mor to the back of the bar where he knew no one would be. When he put her down, Y/N stared at him breathlessly. She couldn’t believe it, but when he came out of nowhere to rescue them, she hadn’t felt fear. In fact, she felt a strange pull in her stomach. Deep, aching. Longing. Like, she had known him before, in another time perhaps.

The mating bond.

It caused her to step back as it snapped into place.

But Azriel didn’t seem to notice a thing.

“Are you alright?” He asked, gently brushing a hand to her elbow as she stood, star struck.

“Yes. I’m fine….thank you.” She replied after a few awkward seconds.

Mor gave her a puzzling look, “Uh…okay you two let’s go home. Az…”

He grabbed their hands and winnowed them back to their home.

That night, Y/N sat alone in her room, feeling a pull towards the shadowsinger’s room. She knew she should probably stay, but she couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if she went. Her curiosity got the best of her, and all of a sudden she was stood outside his bedroom. One hand ready to knock, but unsure of what she would say. She stood there nervously until the door cracked open, and Azriel popped his head out into the hall. He was only wearing some trousers, his hair disheveled from the slumber he’d just awoken from.

“ Y/N. Is there…something wrong?” He asked nervously.

“I…I…” Y/N scrambled for a reason to be in front of his door, “I sometimes have nightmares. I can’t fall asleep because I’m afraid of having a terrible dream.”

“Oh. I see.” Azriel said.

Y/N stood there, unsure of what to do next, “I shouldn’t have come. I’m sor-“

But before she could finish her thought, he grabbed her wrist gently and brought her inside.

“You can stay for a little while if you’d like,” Azriel started, “I have nightmares too. About my hands. And my mother. We can watch out for each other. And I can take you back to your room when you’re ready. You take the bed, I can sleep here.” He gestures to the small couch at the foot of his bed.

“Azriel I don’t want to take your bed.” Y/N stated, feeling guilty about coming in the first place.

“I insist.” Azriel gestured to the bed.

She sat down on the edge, as he laid himself on the couch that was barely big enough for him and his enormous wings. Even with them all tucked in, he nearly spilled out the sides of the couch.

She laid down as well, waiting for slumber to set in, but it didn’t, because she could only focus on the tug from her to him.

Close to an hour had passed, when finally a whisper emerged from the quiet. “Az?” Y/N lay flat on the bed, staring at the ceiling.

“Yes?” Azriel replied timidly.

“Can you…can you come up here?” Y/N asked rather calmly.

Silence filled the room, before the tall and dark Illyrian stood from the couch, slowly setting himself down on the other side of the bed. He lay flat on his back as well, as if trying to avoid touching her at all costs.

She reached across the bed and found his hand, interlocking her fingers in his. She rubbed her thumb along the lines of his scars.

“Thank you. For rescuing me. Maybe I can help rescue you from your nightmares?” Y/N said.

Azriel smiled at the ceiling in the dark, “Perhaps.”

________________________________________

Each of the girls from the Inner Circle had gone to the seamstress weeks prior to the event to have gowns made for the celebration. Each of the girls selected a gown some shade of Night Court black, except for Y/N. Feyre and the rest of the Night Court females found a gorgeous silver silk fabric, embedded with tiny crystals. When held up to the light, the fabric twinkled like a sea of stars.

“ Y/N! Since you are our special guest for the celebration, you should have a dress made from this!” Mor shouted, shoving a pile of the fabric into Y/N’s arms.

Y/N stared, mouth wide open, “I’m not sure, I don’t want to…”

Feyre stopped her by gentle placing a hand on her shoulder. “You are not a burden, and no one will be upset if you outshine every one of us. You deserve to have a night as fabulous as you are after all you’ve endured.”

Y/N smirked and nodded. “Okay, you’ve convinced me. I’ll have a dress made from this!”

________________________________________

The males waited, rather impatiently, in the front hall at the bottom of the staircase.

“You all have been getting ready since 10 o’clock this morning, you can’t SERIOUSLY still be primping can you??” Cassian grumbled as he leaned back on the wall.

Morrigan exited her room where they had all been drinking, giggling, and preparing for the evening. “You clearly have no understanding of what getting ready means to females, “ she said as she rolled her eyes at the general.

One by one, each of the girls stepped out. Feyre and Y/N were the last left inside the room. “You look lovely, Y/N. I’m so glad you’ve become one of our best friends.” Feyre gave Y/N a small squeeze. Y/N smiled, still appearing somewhat nervous for this evening.

Feyre studied her face closely, “He will think you are the most magnificent creature in the room tonight,” she whispered with a wink.

All the breath left Y/N’s lungs as she thought of the spymaster.

Mate.

Mate.

Mate.

Her heart pounded as Feyre gave her hand a quick squeeze before heading to the staircase. “Come along, Y/N. Let’s show them what you’ve got.”

________________________________________

His breath caught in the back of his throat at the sight of her at the top of the staircase.

The floor length gown had a deep v down the front, with two sheer straps that wrapped over her shoulders and crossed in the back. The silky fabric flowed as she took each step. She shimmered like starlight, and as the shimmering fabric moved it made it as thought Y/N herself was glowing in the night.

“Holy shit.” Cassian mumbled under his breath. Nesta elbowed him in the stomach, causing him to go into a coughing fit.

As Y/N reached the bottom of the stairs, everyone stopped what they were doing.

“Well, shall we?” Rhysand asked with a playful grin, simultaneously locking arms with his mate and nudging his spymaster brother towards the girl in the sparkling gown.

Azriel and Y/N stood for a moment. Y/N’s eyes remained focused on her feet, and Azriel watched as she tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear. In that moment, when she looked up and locked eyes with him, he felt everything. A rushing of magic, or spirit, or something, coursed through his veins.

“Mate,” he said, so softly that only she could hear.

They remained frozen in time, stood there, taking in one another. As if their souls needed time to catch up on all the time they had been apart.

Azriel extended a hand to her, and their hands intertwined as they left the front hall. As they walked, Azriel leaned in and whispered to his mate, “You know, it might be hard to keep my hands off of you tonight.” Y/N peered up at him through her thick eyelashes. “You are quick to forget, I have not accepted the bond yet,” she replied with a smirk.

“You wound me, my love,” he stated with a look of bewilderment and shock. It took everything in him not to scoop her into his arms and winnow back to his room, to have his way with her right then and there.

________________________________________

They danced most of the night. So much so, that Cassian made several jokes about how he’d never seen his brother dance that much in their entire lives. It didn’t bother Y/N or Azriel one bit.

The couple stopped to sit and watch as the souls began to descend across the sky, traveling to wherever they belong. Azriel couldn’t help but watch his mate as she stared into the sky, absolutely enamored with her.

Y/N could feel the sting of his stare on her cheek. She turned to him, and reached across the table, her hand closed holding an object tightly inside. “I’d like to give you something,” she smiled. Azriel gave her a perplexed look, opening her hands to find a macaron.

He looked at the pastry, then his mate, and back to the pastry. “Are…are you certain?”

“I’ve never been more certain in my life.” Y/N replied confidently.

Azriel forced himself to savor every bite of the macaron, when really he wanted to shove the whole thing into his mouth so he could whisk her away from the party. Once he was finally finished, he stood, gesturing for Y/N to take his hand.

Cassian shouted from across the dance floor, “Hey brother!! Don’t be too loud tonight, SOME of us need our beauty rest!!” Nodding his head towards Rhysand. Feyre smacked him across the back of his head and Rhysand laughed. Azriel let out a low growl, but Y/N placed her hand on his lower back and stood on her tip toes to whisper in his ear.

“Take me home, shadowsinger.”

And they winnowed away into the night, as fast as the spirits had traveled across the midnight sky.

#azriel x y/n #azriel x reader #illyrian #rhys x feyre #high lady feyre #feyre x rhysand #sjmaas #sarah j maas #acomaf #azriel shadowsinger #azriel acotar #acosf #acowar #acotar #acotar fanfic #acotar fanfiction #acotar fandom #shadowsinger #Azriel x fem! #starfall

[clubyukhei]

a/n: um there’s 1.3k words in this gangster/dad!au filled with fluff and some basic tattoo aftercare. sorry i got carried away, i was feeling very soft and domestic, nothing new lol <3 reposting this due to tag problems. enjoy!

[10:55AM]

on sunday mornings yukhei would be found deep in slumber, his face buried into your pillow and his body sprawled across the california king bed you and him share. 

unlike the rest of the week where he’d be out early fulfilling his duties in the underworld, he had the weekends all to himself — and he’d usually sleep past noon to get all the rest he needed before spending the rest of his free time with his family.

today’s a different case though. he’s awake and sitting on a playmat in the living room, watching his little girl work on a new watercolour painting — and it’s only eleven in the morning.

moments like these are when yukhei feels like his life isn’t real. 

it’s not that hard to believe that he’s a high-rank, deeply respected member of the triad he’s been with since his youth, and a husband to the love of his life who has stood by his side through all the highs and lows.

but being a father? it’s a role yukhei still can’t quite fathom and struggles with sometimes — even after four years, and even after your countless reassurances that he’s doing a great job. 

“what happened to the dragon, papa? looks like you have a big boo-boo.” 

the innocence of that question makes yukhei smile. he feels the soft pad of a chubby index finger smooth across the nape of his neck, near the layers of cling foil wrapped tightly around his torso and over his shoulders to protect the freshly retouched tattoo on his back.

he hums tentatively, pondering how to explain such an intimidating concept to a child. it’s definitely not the first time she has asked about the tattoos all over his body — but all the answers he gave back then have long slipped his mind. 

“the dragon was… disappearing. it was becoming nothing, remember? i had to draw it again.” 

if only it was as simple as it sounded. 

throughout the past week, he was at ten’s tattoo parlour, enduring a needle bite into his skin as he lay chest down against a leather bed for at least five hours each day. afterwards he’d come home to you, and you — with all the patience and tenderness in the world — would take extra care of the inked dragon on his back. at the start of each day and end of each night, you’d smooth healing cream across the sensitive skin, taking your time to trace the raised lines as he exhaled in bliss.

it was exhausting for both of you. yukhei thought he’d be free after the tattooing process was finished, but that was only because he completely forgot how troublesome the aftercare process was. after seeing how fast you fell asleep last night, he felt terrible. he woke up earlier today so you could sleep in and phoned his colleague chenle first thing in the morning, telling him to take over his work for the upcoming week. 

“it looks like it hurts really bad.” the little girl says softly. 

she looks up at him, her big and curious eyes meeting his own. yukhei will always find it endearing how even though she’s pretty much his mini-me appearance-wise, her personality is almost all you. 

as a kid he was loud when it came to expressing himself — but she’s the complete opposite. she’d make her thoughts known only when she felt strongly about them, and those moments never failed to tug at yukhei’s heartstrings. like that time she openly disagreed with her friends at school who thought her papa’s tattoos and piercings were strange; or that time she refused to sleep until he got home late at night and read her a bedtime story, then confessing that she missed him a lot.

“it hurts a little.” yukhei says, immediately regretting it when he sees her bottom lip pucker into a pout. 

“but it’s okay!” he quickly adds, pulling the little girl closer to him before gently nudging her knee with his thumb. “it’ll be gone soon. when _____-ie fell down and got a boo-boo here, it hurt too but it went away later, right?” 

her eyes widen with hope as she nods. “you have to be strong, papa! like me.” 

yukhei doesn’t even get to react to her precious statement because she’s already crawling into his lap. he watches her trace the various designs of the huge tattoo sleeve on his arm, her fingertips dancing along his skin before stopping on the angel on his bicep. 

“this one’s your favourite, huh?” yukhei presses a kiss to her cheek.

“yeah,” she mumbles, now touching the large wings belonging to the angel. “mama told me it’s her favourite too.” 

yukhei feels the corners of his lips curl into a silly grin. of course it’s your favourite — it’s you. 

she doesn’t know that though. it’s still a secret between you and him since the intricate details of it aren’t obvious to a four year-old. but when she’s older, she’ll hear the story behind it — how yukhei calls you his angel whenever he’s sappy, and how he enthusiastically decided to have you inked onto his body in a drunken stupor. 

“but there’s no colour in it.” the tone of disapproval in her voice makes yukhei chuckle. he rests his chin on top of her head, glancing towards the coffee table where her painting was left to dry. there’s a palette and a few paintbrushes neatly arranged next to it.

“i know, sweetheart. maybe you can help me?” 

“how?” 

and so began another painting session — except this time, his arm is her canvas.

yukhei couldn’t believe he didn’t think of this idea sooner. the watercolour paint was thick enough to not fade away yet easy to wash off after, which already made his life easier. but it also felt strangely therapeutic lying on his side and watching the empty spaces on his sleeve come to life with all sorts of colours. 

a while later, you stroll into the living room in a sleepy state and instantly beam at this adorable scene. 

“look at you two.” you coo affectionately, giving your very busy daughter a good morning kiss on the forehead before doing the same to your husband. “you didn’t wake me up.” 

“i wanted you to rest.” yukhei replies, watching you smile back at him shyly before looking at the colourful masterpiece on his arm.

“i’m tempted to take a picture of this just so i get to see you two look this cute all the time.” you chuckle as your hand lands on his torso, caressing the lion tattoo on his rib cage that isn’t covered in plastic foil.

yukhei gazes at you for a few seconds, silently taking in everything about this moment  — how he’s relaxing in the safety and comfort of his own home, with his two favourite girls close to him, and soaking in the warmth of the morning sunlight falling onto all three of you. 

it’s the complete opposite of his day-to-day at work — it lets him shed the cold and gritty exterior he presents to the underworld. he wonders what he did in his past life to deserve this experience, wonders if he could revel in this airy presence with you two in his next life too.

“and maybe i’ll send it to the boys,” you lean in and whisper to him when your daughter scampers off to get more paint. “and show them what their boss is up to when he’s not huang xuxi, watcher of the lion’s heart.” 

grinning at your silly suggestion, yukhei engulfs your hand with his, intertwining your fingers. he’s so overwhelmed with contentment that it doesn’t even matter if you go ahead with an idea he’d normally roll his eyes at.

“it’s all up to you, my love.”

-

#wong yukhei #lucas wong #wayv imagines #nct imagines #yukhei imagines #wayv fluff #nct fluff #yukhei fluff #kpop imagines #kpop fluff #wayv scenarios #nct scenarios #lucas scenarios #wayv lucas #nct lucas

[retvenkos]

Grishaverse Deep Dive: The Darkling is a Character that lives in a Society.

((spoilers for ALL of the grishaverse))

Ah, yes, Shadow and Bone season 2 is gearing up, the birds are singing, I have a cup of earl grey tea before me -  it is finally time to sit down to talk about the Darkling, and explain his tenuous relationship with the Grishaverse.

The Darkling is a character greatly contested. When simply looking at his motivations, we see a rift in the fandom. Add in his backstory and it fractures even more. When you pepper in the third ingredient of his relationship with Alina, you get an entire war. The Darkling is a divisive character. He gets under our skin and lingers for days afterwards.

I am going to take you on a deep dive of the Darklings character, and try to tease apart the problems that lie within the creation of his character. Why were so many fans betrayed by his ending? How did he muddle the messages of Shadow and Bone, and why is his ending so complicated that it satisfies very few? Today, we’re going to look at The Problem of the Darking: An Essay in Six Parts.

A little history lesson;

So first, allow me to take you back in time, to 2012, when Shadow and Bone was first released.

Two years prior, The Hunger Games Trilogy had finished coming out and, in a rather stunning turn of events, shifted the popular Y.A. category from the genre of the paranormal romance (thank you, Stephanie Meyer) to the dystopian society. 

Now, this is not to say that there weren’t dystopian stories prior to The Hunger Games, or that there weren’t paranormal romances in the Y.A. genre afterward. Both have survived, but the boom of dystopian stories and the whimper of paranormal romance was definitely felt.

So 2012 hits. In comes Shadow and Bone, in a time where we have some interesting precedents that our Y.A. forefathers created: 

Firstly, let’s talk about themes.

Carried over from both genres, is this idea of duality. There is light and there is dark, and whether or not there is a middle ground is up to the author. As the Y.A. target audience is quite large, there’s a lot to be said for how nuanced this idea can be. In many stories, it’s a nail on the head. In others, the lines are a little more blurred. In most stories, you get some semblance of Good = Light, Bad = Shadow. In the end, the ultimate goal is to embrace one or the other. At the end of the series, we’re either in the midday sun or the midnight darkness. The peak of the story leaves very little middle ground.

Then, brought over from the dystopian genre, we have the idea that The Current Regime is Bad for insidious reasons, and it needs to be torn down and built anew. This is often the main focus of dystopian stories, and our main characters are revolutionaries that see the world in a new, free light.

Finally, a trap of the Y.A. category is it’s simplistic idea of good and bad. Again, we hark back to the vast target age range, and you can see why this would be so prevalent. There is very little by way of morally grey, in the Y.A. category, and if there is moral greyness, it almost always falls into two categories: (1) it is held by the main character alone, and that is why we root for them, or (2) it is martyred and killed. Moral greyness is either the Ushering of a New Era, or The Ideal that Could Not Be. If greyness is to survive, it must exist in the main character who, readers hope, will usher in a new dawn of peace (and light moral greyness) either through their small acts of love (the angel loving the demon) or in large displays of change (the morally grey character rising to be ruler).

These are all themes we expect to be present in Shadow and Bone. And for the most part, they are!

But now let’s talk about character tropes.

Carried over from the paranormal romance, we have the introduction of the “Othered” love interest. This character has a condition that sets him apart from others, and (whether it be vampire, demon, werewolf, etc.) is so prevalent that he cannot fit in. And because of his differences, he has been shunned by Society. This character, notably, is not the “light” or “pure” paranormal figure - he is not the angel - but rather, the demon. The angel would be able to slip into society (presumably because his goodness grants him some kind of godly camouflage). The demon cannot. He doesn’t fit in, and he never can. This creates tension in him, and so he shuns others just as hard as they shun him - he has done so for a very long time until he meets our main character, who gets close to him and breaks down his walls. This character is often the eventual love interest, for reasons that will become apparent later. 

Sometimes carried over from the paranormal romance is the idea that the main character is secretly an “other in hiding” (an angel without her wings, etc.). This creates a bond between the “Othered” love interest and the main character - a bond that can’t be deteriorated once it’s been made, because the main character can’t be un-Othered. They can’t take back the forbidden knowledge they’ve obtained. If this character pops up, the “Othered” love interest is almost always chosen, if he exists.

The dystopian genre has a branching version of this trope, as there is almost always a healthy amount of othering. The main character usually comes from a group of people that is Othered from Society, but our main character is even more unique/different from their “Othered group.” This “specially Othered” character is superpowered in that they can navigate both “Othered” Society and “normal” Society. They can be the go-between.

Sometimes found in the paranormal romance is the “normal” or stereotypical character. This is the average human - the character that doesn’t understand the “Othered” love interest, and wants the main character to go back to the way things were before. This character can sometimes make up the other leg of the love triangle and become a love interest. Other times, it’s a family member or a friend or even an abstract ideal. The point of this character, however, is to show the main character that they can’t go back to the way things were. Too much has happened. Too much has been discovered.

All of this is to say that when Shadow and Bone came out, audiences had expectations with long standing. It is safe and fair to say that the Darkling was set up as a character to be viewed in a certain light, and then the rug was pulled out beneath fans, who had already invested so much in his character.

Shadow and Bone: The characters that Don’t Fit;

So now let’s look at Shadow and Bone in the scope of history and audience expectation. Let’s look at the characters as well as the Grishaverse, in broad terms.

The Darkling is, in the first half of Shadow and Bone, the stereotypical “Othered” love interest. He can summon shadows, which is remarkably different from the other powers of Grisha, and his “forefathers” have done terrible things with this power, making him not only an other in talent but an other in animosity and fear.

In comes Alina, and she is a perfect fit for the main character being an “other in hiding” as well as a “specially Othered” character. She was otkazat’sya before she realized she was Grisha, and she is seen as the go-between for these two different worlds - she can bring them together. Furthermore, she is stronger than your average Grisha - distinct from all others, excepting the Darkling.

Alina is understood by the Darkling. She is discovering parts of herself that she didn’t know she had. This is all decidedly Good, and the romance that is forming is living up to reader expectation.

We also have an interesting occurence of duality. Alina, with her light, is the equal and opposite to the Darkling and his shadow. Together, they have limitless power, a common goal, and perhaps a purifying dynamic as Alina can “save” the Darkling. Her light can banish his shadows. 

History is leading us to believe they are the endgame ship.

This is only inculcated when you have Mal, who is the “normal” character. Through the framing of the story (not seeing Mal, holding on to him only causing Alina to not reach her full potential), we see that the love story with Mal is the Romance That Cannot Be. They are fated to be apart due to the tropes that readers know and understand.

But then the second half of the book kicks in, The Darkling is proven to have been manipulating Alina, things go South, and readers are left unaware of what’s coming next. In this moment, the theme of The Current Regime is Bad slaps readers across the face.

So let’s take a second to look at The Current Regime is Bad, because how the Darkling and his motives exist in that tempest is thought provoking, to say the least.

The Darkling is, decidedly, a part of The Current Regime. He is a general and close to the King, after all. He is a part of this life... and yet he is not. Remember that The Darkling is our “Othered” character. He cannot be a part of The Current Regime because he is shunned by it. And yet, he is tied to it like a prisoner. 

The reader thinks: is the Darkling bad? He is shown to be a part of Society. He wants the war to continue - he doesn’t want to tear down the Fold.

As the reader is grappling with this revelation, we are told (in the same book!) that the Darkling is actually not a part of The Current Regime (which is Bad), but rather, had been working against it. 

Okay.

So now the reader thinks that since Society is Bad, and the Darkling is against it, he and Alina do have a common goal, and his status as a love interest can be saved. He can be redeemed as a character because Alina can purify his methods, then together they can get rid of the current regime, and they can be Others together.

It’s a solid thought process. After all, the “Othered” characters have been consistently good at heart, and Alina can redeem him. We still have a bad guy to take down - and it’s not the Darkling.

But...

Leigh Bardugo decides that is not the story she wants to tell, and she has to pull out some literary gymnastics to give us an explanation. The idea is, no, the Darkling is Bad and his “Othered” status is not relevant because it doesn’t justify his actions. He is a part of a radical portion of The Current Regime and is just as Bad. 

Enter Nikolai Lantsov, who can take over The Current Regime, because as the reader is constantly reminded, Alina no longer wants novelty - she wants normalcy (which is represented by none other than Malyen Oretsev).

So, what does all of this mean? The Darkling decidedly Doesn’t Fit into any of the currently accepted (and expected) tropes of the Y.A. genre. This, on its own, is not inherently Bad or Wrong, but you can see how readers were thrown and consistently, ideas were stretched to fit the simplistic ideas of good and bad that run rampant through the Y.A. category.

The Darkling: What We Left Behind;

We have all heard the critique that the most frustrating thing about the Shadow and Bone Trilogy is how the treatment of Grisha is never fixed. It’s mentioned, but it’s never addressed.

To play the Devil’s Advocate, I am going to tell you all that this problem was never fixed because it was never part of Alina’s Narrative. As I will now attempt to point out, The Darkling is an ill suited antagonist for Alina’s story.

As I like to joke with my friends, the Darkling is an Adult Fantasy character inside of a Y.A. Fantasy story. He cannot be properly served because the story does not fit him, and it doesn’t really try.

Y.A. stories are incredibly focused. There is usually a lot going on in the wider story, but the reader is confined to one point of view and one narrative. This is why the main character is always leading rebellions and fighting in the thick of things. In order to address the problems of the wider narrative, the main character needs to be pretty front and center with the problems.

Alina is at the center of an inner conflict of power vs. normalcy. She is not at the center of the Grisha’s problems. 

Time and again, we see that Alina largely doesn’t care about how terribly Grisha are treated, as a whole. She has moments of clarity where she is angry (notably the scene in Ruin and Rising where the nations’ treatment of Grisha is described in detail), but her remorse doesn’t really extend past sympathy. In the end, she still does nothing to save Grisha.

Alina is a terrible hero when matched to the problems the Darkling is trying to solve. She doesn’t understand their full breadth, having not grown up with them, and she doesn’t want to fix them.

The Problem of The Darkling is that he is a character with problems and motivations that get shrinked and discarded because they do not fit into the Alina Narrative.

Alina’s story is about three things: (1) learning that a lust for power is bad and only corrupts; (2) tearing down the Fold, which is the representation of lusty power; and (3) returning to normalcy. (If you’re wondering why Mal is a rough™ character, it’s because he’s supposed to be the ideal of normalcy, that Alina both wants but can’t have as long as she seeks the amplifiers.) The Grisha don’t factor into that equation.

Alina doesn’t have a solution for giving the Grisha a safe existence where they won’t be sold into slavery, won’t be persecuted by the world, and won’t be forever Othered. She stumbles upon the vague promise of fixing the last of those problems when she runs into Nikolai (purely by chance, or, if you want to stretch it, The Darklings machinations). Furthermore, she doesn’t want to do any of that - she wants normalcy, remember? Her story isn’t going to be saving the Grisha - that’s not what it’s about.

The Darklings entire character motivations focus on all of the plot points that Alina doesn’t hit. He wan’t to make a safe existence for Grisha, he wants Grisha to no longer be persecuted and Othered. How is he going to do it? By ugly means, yes, but he’s going to achieve it nonetheless.

The Darkling has motivations that are not addressed in the Shadow and Bone Trilogy. They aren’t what the story is about, or what the story chooses to focus on. His story is a braided narrative that is too complicated for the simplistic, black and white story that the Shadow and Bone Trilogy is. 

So here’s the problem: the story insists the Darkling is the bad guy, but he can’t possibly be the bad guy if his intentions are Good, and there is no other way. Until Alina finds another way, he is a martyr - he is the Starless Saint. The Saint who was misguided, sure, but the only Saint who tried to solve things.

The Darkling is not fit for Shadow and Bone. His story and what he advocated for isn’t resolved by the end of the trilogy. So when he dies, it feels unearned. It’s tragic - and perhaps there is some beauty in that tragedy, or some lesson to be learned about how you cannot justify evil means for a good end - but it feels undeserved. His problems aren’t addressed. He is defeated, but his cause and his essence aren’t put to sleep.

King of Scars: A Cause Without Its Martyr;

Which leads us to the Nikolai duology.

Like I said - The Darklings’ problems are forgotten in Alina’s narrative. So what happens when we break out of that point of view? After a brief (and iconic) interim with the Crows, we are back in Ravka and the Grisha are still struggling with the problems that Shadow and Bone failed to address. Ravka is still dying, but now that we have gotten rid of a reluctant cast of characters and have made distance from the trope-heavy Shadow and Bone, we are better equipped to save her.

But here’s a question - can we ignore the man who pioneered these problems in favor of a more palatable cast? Can we not address the Darkling while picking up the sword he used?

Leigh Bardugo needs to reclaim the Grisha Problem by stealing it from the Darkling’s grasp. That proves to be difficult, given that we’ve killed him and have given him a tragically beautiful death. Absence has made the heart grow fonder, and in his final moments, the Darkling was not the evil Shadow Summoner but rather Alexander Morozova - the boy within. Readers (even those who didn’t like the Darkling) might be more endeared to him now that everything is said and done.

We need to separate the Darkling from his cause.

Enter the Cult of the Starless Saint and the Condemnation of the Starless.

To remind readers that the Darkling is bad, Leigh Bardugo does a few things. Firstly, she has her characters repeatedly condemn the Darkling. On one hand, it makes sense and feels genuine. On the other hand, it can be a little excessive. Sometimes, the vehemence reads like what it is - Leigh Bardugo is giving us reasons to hate the Darkling again. Add on the fact that Nikolai’s monster is Bad and one of few remnants of the Darkling still surviving, and you get a lot of hate.

Except, ah! The more we talk about the Darkling, the more we are reminded of what he stood for!

So we have to strip him of that - we have to take his legacy and drag it through the mud. Thus, we create The Cult of the Starless Saint. They represent the Darklings legacy and status in history - were his intentions Good Enough to grant him mercy? To give him Sainthood? 

Spoiler alert: They are not. Not as portrayed by the Cult of the Starless Saint.

The Cult is a laughing stock. They don’t have a stance of the Grisha, they’re worship of the Darkling is meant to be seen as mocking Alina’s sacrifice, and the main priest readers interact with is the receiving end of a slew of jokes. They don’t care about anything the Darkling cared for, and they don’t really want to help Grisha. This is done to muddy the waters - if the people who emulate the Darkling are selfish and without cause, well... the Darkling clearly wasn’t Good. They just think his shadow powers were cool and want him to be a Saint. They exist to slander the Darkling.

So now we have separated the Darkling from his cause, and the story continues. The Darkling is Bad. He doesn’t have a legacy. His cause is passed on to others.

But (because we’re Delta airlines and life is a f*cking nightmare) it doesn’t end there. We bring the Darkling back from the dead.

*long sigh*

Resurrection? The Curse of a Second Life;

I have wracked my brain for many an evening, trying to give reason as to why we brought the Darkling back. The obvious answer is for his role at the end of Rule of Wolves - we need him to hold the rift of the Making at the Heart of the World together. However, when Leigh Bardugo introduces real Saints, he’s not needed. Suddenly, we have a slew of characters who could do the same. Furthermore, part of why this rift exists is because the Darkling was brought back. If he is both the cause and the solution, the conflict didn’t need to be there in the first place - especially considering how inconsequential it was to the narrative.

If I had to pin a reason as to why we brought the Darkling back, it was simply to further push the Darkling from his original motivation. He comes back and... doesn’t do much. He doesn’t seem to have the same care for Grisha, he has watered down character traits, and he largely does nothing. The Darkling in the Nikolai Duology is Not The Darkling because he’s a shell of the character he used to be.

Bringing him back from the dead was unsatisfying, and it weakens his original ending. As I have mentioned in other posts, the Darkling coming back cheapens whatever meaning readers gleaned from his ending. The Darkling is resurrected and he doesn’t truly seem to care about anything - which is the direct opposite of what the Darkling has been shown to be.

The Darkling has been bastardized in any appearance he’s made after The Demon in the Wood, and ultimately, it leads to a rather anticlimactic end for such a distinctive, hallmark character.

But let’s really quick establish why the sacrifice the Darkling makes at the end of this book is unfulfilling.

Because, in the final moments of Rule of Wolves, the Darkling gets his moment of penance and sacrifice - he chooses to hold the rift. It’s said he will have to hold it for eternity. You would thing that this would leave an impact! 

However, as is, this ending leaves much to be desired for a few reasons:

The Darkling has been so far removed from his character, that when he states, “Everything I did, I did for Ravka,” it feels... incorrect? It sounds like the hollow, misguided claims of a tyrant king, because for an entire Duology, the Darkling has been bastardized and has been the cause of a blight that is killing Ravka. His presence is actively killing the country he claims to serve, and as for actions, he has done very little for Ravka, and nothing for the Grisha. The last time he did anything of substance was before Six of Crows!

None of the characters present for his sacrifice have any sympathy for the Darkling. The Darkling chooses to sacrifice himself, and we get no emotional closure. Alina isn’t there to whisper his name and mourn him, and while Zoya gets the glimmer of weak pity, we have much reason to believe that Zoya mostly feels disenchanted because he will be praised as a martyr and not hated as the evil man she knew him to be (more on that here). There isn’t sympathy so much as there is bitterness and the semblance of the remnants of tattered respect shining in the dim light.

The final chapter of Rule of Wolves tells us that it’s all going to be made inconsequential in the coming books, when they are going to replace the Darkling with something else. The Darkling won’t even get his full sacrifice, because he is undeserving of a redemptive act of selflessness.

So now, where do we leave the Darkling? For two books, we have separated him from his initial cause, watered down his character and motivations, and given him ends that are largely unsatisfying. 

We’ve actually started to fix the Grisha problem, and there’s something interesting to be said in that it’s fixed by Zoya Nazyalensky, who goes up through the chain of command in a very similar fashion as to how the Darkling planned. She was a General, and then she became Queen of Ravka - the acting monarch, no less - with a beloved public figure on her arm (which, in the Darkling’s case,  would have been Alina).

So I am left to wonder - was the lesson, then, indeed, that you cannot justify evil means for a good end? Was the moral of the Darkling all along about how you must be good throughout - with good acts and good intentions - in order to make change and be revered for it? If so, why did Leigh Bardugo slander the Darkling retroactively, the way she did?

If the problem was his actions and not his intentions, why insist that his intentions were devoid of meaning, as well?

Aleksander Morozova: What We Buried;

Now, you all knew I was going to get here eventually, and if you’ve made it, congrats. We are now talking about the emotion behind the deed, the man behind the monster, the boy swallowed by the shadows.

I believe it is pivotal to understand that Leigh Bardugo has always wanted us to struggle with our feelings over the Darkling. She wanted a character that you could sympathize with, she wanted a character with humanity, and she wanted a reason for his villainy. I think that Shadow and Bone, for all of its failings, gave us that. There’s a reason why there is such a big divide over the Darkling in the original trilogy. He was a compelling character! Somewhere along the way, Leigh Bardugo lost that nuance of her own character. At some point, she resorted to stripping him of his meaning and slandering his image. 

Perhaps I am playing the Devil’s Advocate again, but I believe this was intentionally done.

Because one has to ask - why slander the Darkling? A large portion of the fanbase already hates him, so cheapening his character is doing nothing for them other than giving them sweet vindication, which is unnecessary and only disenchants the other half of your audience. There has to be some deeper reasoning. Leigh Bardugo wanted this character to be sympathetic, so why, now, does she want him to be two-dimensional?

Once more, I am asking you to think back to the original trilogy. What was the main moral? That power, no matter how good-intentioned the pursuit of it is, corrupts. What is the Darklings purpose of coming back again if not to simply have power? He certainly shows no other motive than lusty greed, after being resurrected.

And even if we ignore his lust for power, as he so willingly gives it up to Zoya Nazyalensky in the end of Rule of Wolves, we have two other corrupting forces that could account for the degradation of his character - time, and  death.

We know the Darkling to have lived for eons, and he would have continued to live on for an eternity more. There is nothing like time to truly corrupt a character’s vision, and there is nothing like death and resurrection to husk a character.

In fact, if Mal’s character did anything of importance when it comes to effecting the Darkling, it lies in the epilogue of Ruin and Rising, where it is stated that “the boy and the girl had both known loss.” Mal’s loss is equated to Alina being stripped of her power - that is the power of having died, and being forcefully brought back to life. That is a vague basis for which we readers can compare what it must have been like for the Darkling to come back - even if he is so desensitized to feeling, that he doesn’t remark on it himself.

But let’s keep chugging on.

When we first met the Darkling in 2012 Shadow and Bone, he was unfeeling. He was cold and harsh. There was something beneath the surface, yes, but there were thick sheets of ice in the way. You had to mine for it. Time had already warped the actions of his intentions. It’s expected that time would continue to do its damage, and when he is revived in King of Scars, his intentions are warped as well. He is nothing of the person he used to be other than memories and power. That is why, at the end of Rule of Wolves, when he states that he did everything for Ravka, it feels hollow - that was once true, but the Darkling has even lost that. He has the vague impression of it, but nothing you can sink your teeth into.

I think, had this idea been looked at in deeper depth, it would have been a far more compelling story. Had Rule of Wolves really dedicated itself to showing the Darkling’s conflict of his current apathy, and the knowledge that there was once a time he possessed meaning, we could have found the marrow of his arc. If the book had made an allusion to this concept, his character would have been more satisfying. But as it stands, the Darkling is just degraded in the later books, and unless you really search for meaning, there isn’t any.

And perhaps, if the Darkling had been a different character - a character who, at his core, was more unfeeling - the way we left him would feel okay.

But while The Darkling was harsh and cruel, Aleksander Morozova wasn’t, and that’s what has us all hung up on his character.

If you haven’t read The Demon in the Wood for whatever reason, do yourself a favor and read that instead of revisiting the show’s version of his villain origin story. The show made the Darkling far less compelling by showing him as the grief stricken Black Heretic, rather than the boy within. When we meet Aleksander, he is a boy who is afraid of the world, who has never belonged in it or with others, and who is, ultimately, afraid of himself. With his mother, Baghra, he has taken on a thousand names and traveled a thousand places, and all the while, he is afraid of getting too close to others because he is an amplifier and he knows that if any Grisha were to find out, they would kill him for his power.

Thus, there is so much nuance to his relationship with the Grisha. He is one of them, but he is not. To hark back to our history lesson, he is the exact opposite of the “specially Othered” character that is so often given to protagonists. Instead of acting as a go-between, he is the one person that everyone - Grisha and otkazat’sya - can come together to kill.

And as a little boy, he knows that. He knows he has to stay in the shadows, and yet, he is deathly afraid of the dark - afraid of that which sets him apart, and that which he cannot escape.

This is poignant because at the root of every great character is a singular, vulnerable emotion, and for the Darkling, it is fear. And most importantly, fear of the shadows.

When he meets Alina, we truly see the strength of their duality. We truly see why he was so drawn to Alina - why he could so easily fall in love with her, despite the years and despite the tide, and despite his fear of letting others in. She is his equal and opposite - with her, there are no shadows. There is no fear. The fact that he lets Alina use him as an amplifier is so telling of his deep feelings for Alina.

Where each reader draws the line between their dynamic - either him truly loving Alina, or him simply loving and obsessing over the idea of her - is for the individual to decide. The wonderful thing about the Darkling in his current state in the original Shadow and Bone Trilogy is that he still has good intentions within him, no matter how corrupted by his evil actions. Whether or not they truly could have been is up to each person because the question over whether or not Alina could “purify” the Darkling was never deeply explored. We will never know if she could save him, or if it would have destroyed her in the end. Whether or not you want her to try is personal preference.

Again, Alina didn’t want to fully commit to that act, and so we readers will never truly know. Luckily, fanfiction exists.

But, I didn’t name this section “what we buried” for nothing, and I think it’s important to note that even in the beginning of The Demon in the Wood, the Darkling was already on his way toward a darker, harsher existence.

Baghra, from presumably the moment he was born, groomed the Darkling to be a certain way - the same way as her, a survivor with little hope, living for the sake of living and fighting for the sake of a meal. She had no plans to save the world - it was only after the Darkling had a run in with the possibility of death that he unearthed a deep desire within him - the desire to save the Grisha. Before that, it was buried.

Before that, the Darklings' desires were buried beneath his mother’s words and buried beneath the dirt that settled over his heart like a shallow grave, because his connection to others was buried as well. Baghra did that, and whether or not she was misguided or if she was the smarter of the two is an essay better tackled by looking at her, specifically, which we won’t do here.

As we’re reaching the end, I feel like I have earned the right to be cliche and quote the Darkling’s thoughts from when he was still a boy, but already a shadow. In The Demon in the Wood, he thinks:

“My father is dust. You all are.”

At such a young age, the Darkling has already lost his grip. Already, he knew he would outlive and outlast anyone, and this heavy knowledge was already piling up, and he was slowly being buried alive in his own infinence.

It was only ever inevitable that his story would end like this - with a detached man who was once a hopeful boy, but could no longer recall what such confidence tasted like - so perhaps the tragic beauty in the end of Ruin and Rising was not that he died, it was that he wasn’t given an end.

— Special kudos to @onceupon-a-decembr​ who let me scream about this with her, and another kudos to @musicallisto​ who introduced me to a book series that I will never stop screaming about. Ever.

— tagging: @maybanksslut, @musicallisto, @catsbooksandmusic, @thefifthweasley, @thegirlwhocriedwerewolf, @amirahiddleston, @lachichapequena, @mrs-brekker15, @amortensie // add yourself to the taglist here!

#grishaverse #grishaverse meta #shadow and bone #shadow and bone meta #meta #meta analysis #writing #the darkling #aleksander morozova #the darkling meta #i am once again ranting about the grishaverse #if miss leigh bardugo wants me to stop analyzing her characters and (kind of drag her) she better put me in the writers room. #or put me in the show her choice #and there's more i could have added to this smh #but i feel like people stop reading after 5.6k words.

[herenortherenearnorfar]

This Tornado Tolerates And Respects You

A little story about Gothmog and orcs that I’ll probably put on other sites later. But for now, a tumblr exclusive! CW for the terrible reproductive politics of evil (implied reproductive coercion, forced childbearing, light eugenics), orc awfulness, disdain for incarnates, radiation poisoning, chemical weapons, Fingon’s fate, mentions of cannibalism, malnourishment, ear cropping, and all of the above with the implied harm to children.

Orcs, Lord Melkor’s special pet project, a blasphemy first and a strategic asset second, didn’t make the best troops. They could swarm over a target in a useful mass of bodies but they lacked skill and drive. For the Captain of Angband’s own force of fire and shadow, spirits sprung free from the tyranny of the Valar, orcs were a sea of troublesome bodies, cluttering up the field of battle. More flesh to whip through, barbed wire quick, more lungs to choke with lime gas. An annoyance, not an ally.

He didn’t have very high expectations of them as a source of soldiers and there were very few individual orcs who he respected. Gorfaunt was one of those rare exceptions.

They’d fought on the same battlefield under the taunting stars, in those blissful days before the heavens changed, and he’d been impressed by the orc commanders ability to marshal troops. Very few in that division ended up trampled beneath Balrog feet. Even the retreat was prompt, almost orderly, without sacrificing that wild spirit which was one of the orcs’ few redeeming qualities.

When it came time to capture the stripling-king of the elves he’d requested Gorfaunt’s orcs in particular. Once again they’d proven their mettle and the commander had become of of the Captain’s favorites. If orcs had to be stationed next to their betters it was preferable that it be Gorfaunt’s orcs, who knew how to comport themselves and could fight near Balrogs without dying in droves.

Now with the latest glorious battle (and another successful collaboration, the Captain still glowed at the memory of the Noldor’s latest king cracking open to spill his red insides over his silver banner) behind them and Lord Melkor demanding Nargothrond and Gondolin, they met once a month to strategize, share intelligence, and complain about everyone else. To an outsider they might have passed as friends. There was less formality between the two of them than another high general of the iron fortress might have demanded, they sat at the same table and spoke freely.

(The Lieutenant still asked commanders to bow before him; that was why even his own troops called him Sauron behind his back. Gothmog was a superior appellation, less insulting, more fearful, but he still didn’t hasten to encourage its use.)

Despite their surface level amicability and the handful of tried-and-true inside jokes—mostly having to do with how enemies had died— they could bat at each other, they knew very little about each other’s lives. Meat and smoke only mixed when making a brisket, trying to relate two such different ways of being seemed impossible.

But when he saw Gorfaunt waddling into their monthly kvetch with a belly round and swollen like a tick’s, the Captain felt driven to say something. He was the marshal of Angband, he couldn’t let his king’s forces go to seed.

“Are you ill? Cursed?”

Gorfaunt managed to pull out a chair, made for a Balrog three times the size of an orc, and hoist themselves into it with rangy arms. “No? Just five months with a baby kicking around in my insides. The little bugger’s finally starting to show itself.”

That took a second to decipher. “You’re having a baby?”

Of course the Captain knew the basics of how incarnates made more of themselves. It was a topic of great fascination in the old days, when Yavanna was first figuring the system out, and of course the Lieutenant would prattle on about warg breeding to anyone who’d listen. They had sex— another thing that did not come naturally to beings of spirits, though some Maiar had made astounding progress in the field, for pleasure was pleasure and even Nienna’s acolytes sought catharsis and comfort—then there was lots of squishy biology on a level invisible to the incarnates themselves, then a little parasite was somehow blessed with Erú’s fire, to be nurtured until it could nurture itself.

He also knew that orcs, like elves and dwarves, had little distinction between men and womenfolk. Useful when it meant you could channel your entire adult population to battle. Startling when you realized that a key ally had been quietly pregnant for months without you, a greater being able to perceive stalactites growing and the scales on insect wings, noticing.

In truth he’d been doing a lot less noticing of late. His senses were dulling. Perhaps it was the light of the cursed gems, which painted everything in blinding, indistinguishable holiness. Or he was just losing his touch.

If he focused now he could see it. It was easiest to sense on the plane of wraiths. There was Gorfaunt, a guttering candle; wheezing, weak. All orcs had that fire, however dim. No one had managed to fully extinguish it though it had been much suppressed. Tucked against her, nearly imperceptible, was a little spark. Not much yet but given tinder and carefully fanned it could grow. “You’re having a baby,” he marveled.

Gorfaunt’s face was… orcs were hard to read at the best of times, bubbling over with noisy pain and anger that obscured their true emotions, prone to skin diseases and horrendous eye infections that muddled their expressions. She didn’t wear her gas mask around him anymore, though most were quick to cover up around any Maia of Morgoth. It helped little, her face was still opaque as the mountain itself. “Yep, Captain.”

“Good?” You congratulated an ally on a new weapon, a new bond, a promotion. Which one was an infant classified as? What was the correct form?

“Hopefully it’ll be over and the little goblin will be in the caves with the old’uns by the time we find either of the cities.” Gorfaunt provided, only barely contextualizing his felicitations. She was chewing on the inside on her cheek; sometimes she would gnaw until she spat black blood. “Terrible time for it. Terrible time. But the high ups are worried about reinforcements down the line, I suppose.”

Orcs came from orcs. It was a fact so simple it barely bore considering. Another department handled it. The new ones just showed up, springy and long limbed, faces still soft and unmarred. “Goblins” he’d heard older orcs call those fresh pale creatures. Barely even monsters, more like stunted, crepuscular versions of the elves and dwarves they fought.

“How much longer?” They had a few good leads on Nargothrond, a promising word about Túrin Turambar. The Captain could not sack that city himself, the honor had already been promised to the sulfurous worm. Apparently they wanted to test the mettle of these dragons. But Gothmog could assign a few good orc commanders to supervise, make sure the worm was not overstepping his bounds.

Dark blood trickled out of the corner of Gorfaunt’s mouth. “Five months, I’m told. Could be more, could be less. Then I have to wait until the thing is independent enough to leave alone, that’s another few months.” She was probably counting months as the orcs had started to, by the moon. Wretched traitor, Tilion, who’d laughed with them at the idea of running away then turned his face when the time came to flee for freedom. They hated it as much as everyone else but in their hatred they were aware of its cycles. They rejoiced when it went dark.

“You’ll still be able to manage your underlings?” Orcs, and freed Maiar, were fractious. They did not respect a leader who lacked the strength to force them to obey. It could be exhausting. And Gorfaunt was already so round. The Captain did not wish to lose her support over one orcling.

“I think so. So far… in old days you’d den up somewhere for a year, avoid everyone prowling for blood, but I don’t want to fight my way up the ranks again. I’ve got an ax and I’m using it.” Despite that she sounded tired.

Long heartbeats stretched between them, that exquisite embarrassment of two coworkers suddenly forced to talk about private affairs.

“This is your first,” the Captain didn’t reach the tone of a question with that one.

“Yes. The recruiters were getting growly so I grabbed a fellow. I’ve been avoiding it for too long.”

“You don’t want a child.” Again, not quite a question. He was feeling it out as he goes along. This is the longest conversation about orc reproduction he’s ever paid attention to, for the Lieutenants diatribes we’re always dull.

It was no matter to him, except that this was the only orc commander he could tolerate working with and she was chewing through her own cheek in discomfort.

“They take something from you,” Gorfaunt admitted. “Dame and sire both, but worse for the dame since she has to carry the clot. You go… stretchy. Bleached like old bone. I’ve seen soldiers and after twenty children they’re not good for anything but shoving onto a line of pikes. Raw meat for the wargs.”

That didn’t make sense to him, but he was never a scholar of flesh or spirit. He knew how a skull split and how a soul fled, how this matter-sprung life withered, how it died. That was all that counted. He also knew how to value a resource.

“There won’t be any after this,” he said firmly. “Not if you don’t want them.” If need be he’d escalate to Lord Melkor, frame it as sapping strength from their command structure and propose making officers off limits from breeding programmes.

“As you command, Captain,” she said with a bowed head, but she looked gratifyingly relieved, and their conversation could finally move on to the latest stories of occupied territories and the search for the hidden cities.

The next few months Gorfaunt somehow managed to get bigger and bigger, until she was no longer able to swing herself into a chair and had to take their meeting standing. Her leather armor no longer fit and with just a thin layer of rags over her distended stomach it was easy to see the squirming creature inside.

Ferocious little animal. It would go so still and then kick out again, as if it could burst free of its creator by force of will alone. The kernel of its mind was forming too, a hazy bubble of sensation and half formed emotion. He could see what had the Lieutenant fascinated. It wasn’t his field but it was morbidly interesting, seeing the shape of something new and moldable come together right in front of you.

But he had not been made a sculptor or a craftsman. He’d been born a wild thing, a tornado, a volcano, every disaster meant to fell cities, and though he had not known the words yet he’d sensed in his core, seen in glimpses in the song, that he was a creature of war. Like many other wild things—Ossë, the simpering coward tied up in Uinen’s tresses, excluded— he’d found his way to Melkor in the end. Oh, he’d idled for a time with Vána, heard Námo’s dolorous call, but it was Melkor who he came back to and Melkor who he picked in the end.

Melkor taught him so many more ways to be. The smoke, the blood, the screaming not in sorrow but in anger. He taught the others who came to him as well. In the Captain’s little squad alone there was one who learned the slaver’s whip and the threat of fire, one who learned the ooze of pus and malodorous air, one who came to appreciate the ravenings of rabid beasts. From the dragons in the treasure-caves to the cat in the kitchen to the vampires in the highest towers, they were all Melkor’s creations.

Gorfaunt, born and raised here in the shadow of his ancient power, was even more Melkor’s than most. This was how the Captain rationalized his continuing fondness for her as she weakened, his interest in her spawn. Works of the same maker might gravitate together. They could see parts of themselves in each other, the way he could once see himself in other Ëalar born of the same bit of song.

When Gorfaunt came in four months after their revelatory meeting with a sagging belly and a bundle nestled against her chest he was excited to finally see what had been made.

It took a bit of coaxing to get her to show him the baby but no orc would outright refuse an order from anyone stronger than them, they knew better than that. The newborn was dutifully unwrapped and presented, though Gorfaunt’s expression suggested that she considered this all a silly waste of time.

It was a rumpled wet creature; mostly skin and bones, with a cranium as big as its rounded torso. Small too, barely bigger than Gorfaunt’s hand, and Gorfaunt was smaller than all elves and many humans; based on overheard complaints failure to grow was an ongoing issue with their kind. When it was unswaddled sticklike limbs flailed out and began batting at the air ineffectually. Despite this wriggling its face remained in a sleepy scowl. It wasn’t until Gothmog moved one cherry-hot finger closer to it that it opened its hazy grey eyes and tried to focus on him. Even then the dismayed frown stayed put.

An unscarred orc was always an interesting sight; for it revealed the scale of their reworking. How much orcishness was self-replicating, as the Lieutenant liked to claim, and how much had to be beaten in? This one had a droopy brow bone and already peeling corpse-grey skin but it did not look much like an orc besides that. It even had hair, which most orcs lacked (aside from a few lank patches). The fine red down covered its whole body, thickest on the head and face and arms.

“It’s supposed to fall out,” Gorfaunt said, “Everyone says it’ll fall out soon. Even the prisoners lose their hair after a while, especially in the deep mines.”

That was probably because of the miasma of decay that emanated from the ores of Angband. Not macro-decay, of skin and bone (that came later) but the infitesimal decay. Every piece of metal— every piece of existence, when you got down to it— was made of little stars. There was a gaseous center of energy and little orbiting specks around that, spinning in probabilistic loops. Like stars some were bigger and some were smaller and some were ready to collapse. Ilmarë loved to speak of supernovas. The yellow and blue metals below the mountain were full of little stars collapsing, reforming, giving off energy in great sums as they did so.

The Captain had noted the negative effects of this energetic output on incarnates some time ago. Elves sickened and humans just died— Lord Melkor had moved the man he hoped would give him the location of Gondolin far from those mines for a reason. A few of the spirits with natures inclined towards metal, salt, and industry had already incorporated the burning energy into their signatures. The Lieutenant doubtless had some wicked little experiment running with it. It was a part of life here, that background hum of a trillion crumbling particles, and the Captain never thought of the effect on orcs, though they were exposed from birth.

Now that he focused he could see the little crumbs of decay glancing off the baby.

Hmm.

It would probably be fine.

It was already rubbing its eyes and going back to sleep, one hand curled next to a crumpled, not-yet-cropped ear.

“Are you recovered?” he asked Gorfaunt.

“I’m fit enough to fight,” she said shortly, defensively, as if afraid he’d snatch her command from her. “I’ll be better soon when this thing is gone.”

The Captain’s huge palm hovered over her infant. He knew better than to touch; his ability to change forms was not what it once was, he could not stop being a bipedal avalanche, to strong, too close, too dangerous. Even just containing the noxious gases— the pustulent yellow and choking green— simmering inside this war shaped body was difficult. If he kept a few feet distance the chaotic heat of his skin faded into the air and the baby wriggled contentedly in the ambient glow, like a little lizard.

“And how long will that be?”

Gorfaunt’s hand twitched. Another few months, till it can manage worm meal and listen to the grands.”

It seemed impossible that anything could be big enough to leave alone in such a short time; but incarnation was not the Captain’s specialty. “And that’s the accepted practice?”

“A little young, but safe now that the master put a stop to the baby eating problem.”

“I wouldn’t want it to be a concern,” the Captain said very seriously, even though his fingers curled slightly around the baby’s limp body. “We can make modifications if the child must stay longer.”

Gorfaunt glanced down at her sprawled offspring. “I don’t— I don’t want this to last any longer. I’d rather have my life go back to normal.”

That, at least, he could understand. It has been a rather troubling experience overall. Revelations are not always useful and though he’s gained some knowledge it’s not very practical stuff.

“One more question, commander, then I’ll drop the matter. What is it named??”

That nascent mind bubble had sharpened with time and experience but was still comprised mostly of sensation. He could not even grasp at a basic sense of self. The child’s mother should know what if calls itself, if anyone did.

(He wanted to remember the name, for forty years from now, when he needed more good orcs. All those rants about the fundamentals of inheritance left him with some ideas about how incarnates develop traits. Another Gorfaunt would be a helpful tool to have on hand.)

The question left Gorfaunt unimpressed. “It doesn’t name itself anything yet, it hasn’t got the common sense. And no one’s given it a name because it hasn’t done anything interesting.”

“It has an interesting look” the Captain pointed out, “Tell them to call it Red Cap,” he slipped into the elf tongue, which had better color words than the one the Lieutenant devised, and in the process accidentally named the child after a former king of the Noldor. “Or something like that.”

Gorfaunt apparently had a better memory for politics than he gave her credit for, or perhaps just a distaste for the elf cant, because she quickly translated it back into Angband’s crackly tongue . “Rotbint.”

“Yes.” A Balrog, even the chief of Balrogs, could not give much to something so soft and incarnadine. A name, incorporeal, existing in the plane the Captain knew best, was the only thing he could offer. “Now, to business?”

Gorfaunt wrapped the little creature away— it woke halfway through the rolling to stare at them once more— then tucked it against her chest.

The Captain was sad to see it go, though he couldn’t say why.

He remembered that he had come to this physical world for a reason once. He had wanted to see all there was to see, to feel and taste everything, chew chunks of Arda up and spit it out new. Disasters hungered as much as anyone. Yet all he’d had lately was war fare; blood-soaked mud and rage-tinged fear.

Deprived of fresh experiences, he clung to the potential, the novelty, of new life.

Perhaps Gondolin would see him out of his funk, he thought. It couldn’t hide forever.

“We’ll find it, Captain,” Gorfaunt assured him stubbornly. “And we’ll tear it down brick by brick, raze their gardens, fill their streets with blood.”

Even with a baby trying to gum her collarbone her firm tone allowed no questions.

Orcs were, as a rule, bothersome, unruly, walking corpses. Fractious, ugly, difficult, bothersome, recklessly stupid. The Maiar serving under the Captain were sometimes stereotyped as simpleminded brutes but at least they were able to perceive the world around them, even if few bothered to use that perception. In comparison orcs were stumbling around in the dark. They were inefficient as well, you needed three of them to take down any decent enemy. But when they were well made they were well made. Those were the ones that made it all worth it.

It had to be worth it. This was freedom, after all.

#the silmarillion #gothmog #orcs #silmarillion fanfiction #angband #fanfic #Sauron gets some mentions

[sirikenobi12]

Dear Mr. Filoni: About Qui-Gon Jinn

Mr. Filoni, I know you are pretty much the undisputed Padawan of George Lucas, but like many students they can sometimes misunderstand their teachings or interpret things from a certain point of view. While I won’t deny you are a brilliant creator who have brought us some amazing Star Wars content you said something a little while back about Qui-Gon Jinn that I think is rather nearsighted and in my opinion incorrect.

“And with the death of Qui-Gon Jinn, Anakin loses the father figure who truly could have understood him – and maybe prevented what was to come.”

This implies several things, the first is that Anakin never had a father figure in his life. Or, rather that he lost the father figure he truly needed. In many ways this is implying that if someone grows up without a father (or a traditional father figure) then they are missing out or won’t have a stable childhood. What about all the people who are raised by single mothers or grandparents or aunts/uncles or by their older siblings? 

Pixar’s Onward is a great example of finding a father figure through an older brother, it highlights that just because Ian never had a chance to meet his father didn’t mean that he lost out on a father figure in his brother Barley. 

“I never had a dad, but I always had you.”

Saying that Anakin lost the father figure who truly could have understood him also just spits in the face of a young man who also lost his father figure in that moment and gave up everything to raise Anakin. 

Let’s unpack that a little bit. Imagine if you will you’re twenty-five years old, you’ve worked your ENTIRE life for a particular goal which is to be a Jedi Knight, traveling the galaxy doing the most good that you can while discovering who you are on your own. Then maybe down the road when you are ready to settle down and possibly train/raise an apprentice you’ll take one on. Suddenly the only father you’ve ever known pushes you aside for a child he’s just met (without even discussing it with you first) and then uses his last words to push this child on you, making him your responsibility, thus shattering your chance at the freedom of a true Knighthood. 

By all rights Obi-Wan could’ve given Anakin’s training over to the Council, the boy was in no way his responsibility. Much like an adult sibling doesn’t have to take on the responsibility of raising their minor siblings if their parents die, they could give the children over to the state and have a chance at a normal young adulthood instead of being thrust into being a parent before they are ready. But, Obi-Wan didn’t do that because he A.) Respected/loved Qui-Gon too much not to fulfill his final wishes, and B.) Knew it would be better for Anakin to take the boy under his wing. 

I will say this until I am blue in the face: OBI-WAN WAS A FATHER TO ANAKIN!! 

In fact, in Episode 2 Anakin refers to him as a father/father figure multiple times and it is clear their relationship while Anakin was a Padawan was that of a Father/Son. It isn’t until Anakin is knighted and they are peers that you see their relationship shift to that of brothers.  

Am I saying that Obi-Wan didn’t make mistakes when raising Anakin? Absolutely not, but would I argue that Anakin was missing out on a father figure because Qui-Gon died? No, I would not. 

The second part of that quote claims that Qui-Gon Jinn could’ve been someone who understood Anakin and might’ve been able to prevent what was to come. I 100% believe that would not have happened, while I think Qui-Gon Jinn is a very interesting character there is no indication in either canon or legends that he would’ve been a good influence on Anakin. In fact, quite the opposite. Here are the top ten reasons Qui-Gon would’ve been a terrible father influence for Anakin: 

1. Qui-Gon Jinn thinks the rules don’t apply to him: While many fans applaud Qui-Gon (including apparently you, Mr. Filoni) for going against the Jedi Council and being a “Maverick” I would argue that more often than not it was to his or his mission’s detriment. This is not to advocate that the Council was 100% correct or that Jedi shouldn’t question things, but there is a difference between questioning authority figures and flat out being obstinate. This is something Anakin excels at even with being raised by the rule abiding Kenobi, imagine how bad it would’ve been had Jinn raised him.

2. Qui-Gon Jinn was selfish: There are several examples of Qui-Gon using the guise of “the will of the Force” in order to get his way. Are we honestly supposed to believe that somehow this one man was more in tune with the Force than any other Jedi (including 12 powerful Jedi who were on the Council)?? And, if he truly believed in following the will of the Force then why did he constantly bend the rules to make sure the “Force” went his way - an example of this is had he actually believed it was the will of the Force that he free Anakin, he wouldn’t have had to make the chance cube go the way he wanted it to go. He flat out cheated so he could get his way.  

3. Qui-Gon was dangerously reckless: Many Jedi are reckless, even Obi-Wan said to Yoda in ESB “so was I if you’ll remember”. But Qui-Gon was reckless in ways that was pretty astounding. For example, EVERYONE told him that his plan to get off of Tatooine was dangerous and frankly stupid. Couldn’t they have just sold the Naboo ship and then purchased a clunker that would get them to Coruscant? Honestly, that would’ve probably hidden them better from the Trade Federation in the long run...but no, he instead decided the best course of action was to put a slave child in mortal danger, thus also placing all of their lives in the hands of a boy who had NEVER won a race before. Now, it ended up working in his favor, but even still those few days spent fixing up Anakin’s pod and then the race itself delayed the Queen from getting to Coruscant which meant more people died on Naboo all because Qui-Gon refused to see any other solutions. 

4. Qui-Gon was often a bully: our Maverick had no problems throwing his weight around to get what he wanted. The Council meeting with Anakin is a perfect example, he didn’t get the answer he wanted. So he put his hands on his hips and refused to leave the room until the Council caved to his demands. Another example of this is in Claudia Grey’s Master & Apprentice where he refuses to do his duty as a Jedi and fulfill the mission simply because he had a vision. He doesn’t discuss this with the Council or with Obi-Wan beforehand, he just decides for himself this is how it’s going to be and then throws a hissy-fit when he doesn't get his way. Or how about he is the one who cheated to get his way in winning Anakin and when Watto calls him out he threatens to get the Hutts involved? He just bullies his way to getting what he wanted.

  5. Qui-Gon never saw the bigger picture: Master Jinn’s whole thing is to focus on the here and the now, and while that’s great advice (especially for Obi-Wan who often looks too far a head) it also means that Qui-Gon often misses the big picture. An example of this is in the book Master & Apprentice where he wants to free the slaves on Pijal’s moon, but Yoda has to remind him that there is a bigger picture and they can only act if it’s in their mandate. He says this not because the Council doesn’t want to free slaves, but because there are incredibly complex consequences and if they were to just do whatever they wanted/could do as Jedi it would cause all kinds of issues for others and while he could maybe free a handful of slaves now it would cause countless others to suffer in the long run. But, Qui-Gon wouldn’t accept this, because he refused to see the bigger picture - he refused to look at anything except what was right in front of him.

6. Qui-Gon has a history of failing his Apprentices: Now, I know this isn’t Canon at the moment, but by the time we make it to TPM Qui-Gon has already done severe damage to 2 former Padawans, and is in danger of having history repeat itself. Xanatos was his second Apprentice right before Obi-Wan, and this Padawan was extremely powerful and Qui-Gon insisted he be trained, but the boy fell to the darkside because he had been too old to start training and had a healthy attachment to his family (sound familiar?). Qui-Gon was so devastated by his fall that he went back and reputed his first apprentice, Feemor, claiming he was such a failure of a Master that there is no way his first apprentice should’ve been knighted. He basically in his grief pushed aside an apprentice who while on paper wasn’t anything special, but was kind and dutiful and a true Jedi (sound familiar?). He then begrudgingly takes on Obi-Wan (only after 12 year old Obi-Wan offers to kill himself to save others) and then time and time again tries to basically pawn off Obi-Wan onto someone else (even as far into their relationship as the Master & Apprentice book). Then, when it finally looks like the Kenobi/Jinn team have figured out how to work well together Qui-Gon has to literally be reminded that his Obi-Wan even exists because Qui-Gon is so blinded by Anakin’s power!! How in any way does this seem like a better father figure option for the emotionally needy Anakin?

7. Qui-Gon Jinn has a history of Attachments: The specific example I have is again from Legends, but it shows how Qui-Gon allowed attachments to become dangerous. He had a childhood friend who he fell in love with, they decided that they could handle being committed to each other as well as the Order so they “pledged themselves” to one another (my guess is basically this is like a Jedi marriage so to speak). Sounds beautiful right, and it is, but...But his love interest Tahl was injured on a war torn planet where the children are so sick of their parents' civil war that they form a third army and go to war against the adults. Tahl is caught in the middle of this and is gravely injured. Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon are sent to rescue her, and Obi-Wan is sickened by the sight of children fighting and wants to stay and help, but Qui-Gon is so blinded by his attachment for Tahl that he for the first time EVER actually follows his mandate and tells Obi-Wan that they weren’t sent there to help the children, but to rescue Tahl. Obi-Wan who is only 13 doesn’t understand so instead of taking the time to really explain it, Qui-Gon just LEAVES his young apprentice behind on a war torn planet. Now, I’ll admit that Qui-Gon did give Obi-Wan a choice, to come back to Coruscant or to stay and fight, thus leaving the Jedi Order and Obi-Wan did make the choice to stay. But, it was Qui-Gon’s responsibility as the teacher to fully explain the situation to Obi-Wan and let him know that they could do more good if they were to go back to the Council and the Senate and try to return with supplies and reinforcements. But no, Qui-Gon just yelled at him, disregarded his feelings and told him their mission was to rescue Tahl. He didn’t bother using this as a teaching moment for Obi-Wan because he was so concerned about his attachment. And then later when Tahl actually died, Qui-Gon nearly fell to the dark side and it was Obi-Wan who saved him.  And then Qui-Gon went on to decide that because of the pain that had been inflicted by losing Tahl he’d basically give Obi-Wan an ultimatum when it came to the woman he loved (and basically downplayed it as nothing but a crush). Now, say what you want about how Obi-Wan handled Anakin/Padme’s relationship - maybe pretending it wasn’t happening instead of confronting Anakin about it wasn’t a healthy/smart choice, but at least he didn’t downplay it and make it look like Anakin’s feelings weren’t real or valid.

8. Qui-Gon refused to apologize: There are several examples where Qui-Gon refuses to accept any responsibilities and won’t apologize. One such point is in TPM where he basically traded his current Padawan in for a newer/shinier model in front of the entire Council (which if this alone isn’t enough cause to prove the man wasn’t the best father figure…) he then refused to even approach Obi-Wan about it, in fact the twenty five year old Apprentice who had just been tossed aside for a supposed prophecy came and apologized to Qui-Gon!! Another example is back in the Jedi Apprentice books where Qui-Gon leaves Obi-Wan on the war torn planet (as mentioned in #7) it is up to Obi-Wan to make it up to Qui-Gon and prove his worth once again. I’m not certain given Anakin’s tendency to need constant affirmations that this would’ve been a good combination.

9. Qui-Gon was manipulative: Oftentimes we see Qui-Gon manipulating people to get his way (I’m not talking about Jedi Mind Tricks). In TPM he manipulates Watto to win Anakin’s freedom, he even manipulates Obi-Wan into taking on the burden of training Anakin by making it his dying wish. He is not above manipulation if he gets his desired result. We see Anakin does the same thing, so one could argue Qui-Gon would’ve only encouraged this behavior.

10. Qui-Gon cared more about the prophecy than the boy: I’m not saying that Qui-Gon didn’t care about people, or even Anakin, in fact he was a very compassionate character. But, all of his arguments to have Anakin be trained was that he is “the Chosen One” not once does he talk about how the boy needs training simply because it’d be dangerous to leave such raw power alone in the galaxy without training, or that it would be the right thing to do. He doesn’t ever talk about how learning to be a Jedi would actually benefit the boy. Every single time he brings up Anakin needing training is because of the prophecy. Now, as far as it looks in both canon and legends Obi-Wan tried incredibly hard to not bring up the prophecy to Anakin (except on Mustafar), Obi-Wan would bring it up to Mace/Yoda but that was about it. Obi-Wan wasn’t blinded by the prophecy because until ROTS it didn’t really appear that he even believed in it - he believed in Anakin for who he was as a person. Something we just didn’t see with Qui-Gon.

Now, Qui-Gon has a lot of great qualities, I am not denying that, but to say that he would’ve been the father figure Anakin needed is just misguided. If you believe in the idea that there is a will of the Force one could argue that Obi-Wan training Anakin was that will, otherwise Qui-Gon wouldn’t have died. 

Also, Mr. Filoni, why is it that Anakin supposedly suffered because he didn’t have a father figure yet you turned around and gave Ahsoka a brother, not a father? Are you suggesting Ahsoka suffered as well because she didn’t have a father figure? Or, was Obi-Wan by this time finally “old” enough to be considered a father figure? 

This idea that Qui-Gon Jinn would’ve been the fix it to Anakin’s issues is just silly and once again places the blame of the Jedi’s destruction in the hands of the Council and specifically Obi-Wan, thus not forcing Anakin to be held responsible for any of his actions. 

I’m sorry, but it’s not a theory I buy due to a lack of evidence. 

#star wars #rant post #obi wan appreciation #qui gon jinn #obi wan kenobi #Anakin Skywalker #jedi council appreciation #dave filoni #the phantom menace #The Clone Wars #stop blaming the jedi #sorry but this has been on my mind a lot #not qui gon bashing i promise #obi wan deserved better

[shima-draws]

Aww yeahhh time for Kiyo to make his entrance!

I wrote an entire essay about him (again whoops) so it’s very long and under the cut for your viewing pleasure ;)

Kiyo

Age: 29

Hair color: Green

Eye color: Brown

Element: Stars

Kiyo, the Guildmaster of the Asterstone Guild! He only took up the position recently and has had the Guildmaster title for about a year and a half. He was the previous record holder for youngest Guildmaster until that title was stolen by Taku. (Kiyo holds a grudge about it but it’s playful.) 

Kiyo, just like lots of other characters in ATS, was taken in by the Asterstone Guild at a young age. He’s similar to Shima in that he has no previous memories before showing up outside the guild one day, battered and bruised. (That marks three characters in this series with amnesia now! Wrow) He grew up under the watchful eye and tutelage of the previous Guildmaster, and because of how attached to him she’d gotten, it wasn’t long before he began to express desires to take over the guild once she retired. After a lot of thought and contemplation she eventually handed over the position to him. This initially resulted in a lot of outrage from the guild members because they did not think Kiyo was suited to be the Guildmaster, but he eventually proved them wrong once he stepped up to the plate and showed them he could act like a true leader!

They did have good reason to be nervous about that, though, as Kiyo is normally a very laid-back and carefree person and is strictly non-violent. This has lead into lots of situations where he’s opted out of fighting, leading his guildmates into lots of trouble when they needed a hand, and they labeled him as both a coward for avoiding necessary battles on missions (which is practically a requirement for a guild member going out on dangerous quests, you sort of have to have a battle prowess to take on any foes) and lazy for not participating when he should. Initially this bothered Kiyo a great deal, but the previous guildmaster assured him that not everybody is suited for battling others, and that he can still pave his own way to success in a non-violent manner. While Kiyo may not have a liking for fighting, he has an extremely smooth tongue and is very capable of talking himself out of sticky situations (mostly by bribing. He is VERY good at that lmao). He has a talent for manipulating others into doing what he wants them to, though he rarely uses this on people he considers friends. When Kiyo’s able to complete a mission and win the day without resorting to using their elemental powers in a fight, his guild members have to stop and think for a second like. Hold on. He just did that so easily, he made it look so simple, we really need to stop underestimating him and calling him totally useless (Kiyo: Hey. HEY).

Kiyo’s pretty close to all of his guildmates despite their constant ribbing—the one person he’s close to that adores him completely is Lacie, because he was the person to bring her into the guild (she was around 10, he was 17), and being the first person to genuinely show her kindness that wasn’t for ulterior motives, Lacie became very attached to him. Kiyo acts like an older brother to her, and Lacie supports him in whatever he does. She was thrilled when he took on the Guildmaster position, and he has a very soft spot for her :’) She always sings his praises to anybody outside who will listen, and gets angry at Emrys the one time he called Kiyo incompetent.

After becoming the guildmaster, Kiyo actually does a good job at taking charge despite the general opinions that he wouldn’t. He’s still very casual about it though and is a bit more flexible with how the guild is run, preferring to let the guild members do things their own way and be less strict about the overall rules. He’s basically got the “Do whatever you want!” and “Just wing it!” outlook, and while a lot of the members don’t like this attitude, a lot of them do. At the end of the day they all do respect him, though! While he isn’t a fighter he’s very good at giving orders and keeping things in check around Asterstone lol

Despite Kiyo’s insistence on staying out of battles, he’s actually an extremely skilled fighter, and is probably the strongest and most dangerous person in the entire guild. The issue with this, though, is that whenever he gets into a fight, he tends to get too “serious” and starts going off the walls, treating the battle as a game and something fun and entertaining. This leads into him not knowing when to stop, and nobody else being able to stop him, so he’s seriously injured other people without meaning to—revealing that he’s actually terrified of violence because he loses himself in it, and why he prefers to stay on the sidelines. It’s only when Kiyo gets really serious in battles that a darker side comes out, and where the star mark in his eye appears. It’s only been seen a few rare times throughout his life at the guild, so nobody really thinks much of it or notices it. It’s only after the star mark appears that Kiyo passes out afterwards, having exerted a lot of power and extremely skilled battle prowess nobody has ever seen before. However, after a grand guild tournament where Kiyo faces off against Taku and gets too into it, revealing his star mark and almost slicing Taku’s head clean off, one of Kiyo’s advisors at the guild starts to look into it out of concern for both Kiyo’s safety and that of others.

In the middle of all this mess, Kiyo meets Toru, and after nearly forcing him to join Asterstone, the two start growing closer 👀 Toru joins the squad of not putting up with Kiyo’s bullshit, but that’s only after he gets over his starstruck fanboy phase. Because Toru is newer to the guild and because he’s a non-elemental not suited for fighting, Kiyo instantly becomes attached to him, finding similarities in their preferences and backgrounds. While Toru does think Kiyo’s an idiot sometimes he treats him very kindly, and is usually the first to defend him when the other members playfully tease him, so Kiyo’s just like you are an angel sent from heaven just for me and I adore you. Still though with Toru being a non-elemental Kiyo stresses about his safety CONSTANTLY, even after Toru gets official training in self defense. If Toru’s in danger Kiyo will blow off literally everything else to go rescue him first, which the other members have to get used to as it happens more often than they’d like akdasbmlads

Later down the line the guild is caught up in something terrible, and find themselves being targeted by a descendant of a great inventor and sorcerer (not Elymas this time tho lol). She’s apparently seeking what’s known as the Velle Nova, and has reason to believe Asterstone is in possession of it. After Kiyo’s forced to fight and unleashes the power behind his star mark, the descendant reveals that Kiyo has the Velle Nova, and then the truth finally comes out…

Kiyo remembers everything about his past. Years ago, his town had been caught up in a great disaster, and he was the only survivor. He was forcibly taken in by several scientists, one of them being the ancestor of the girl descendant. They were attempting to recreate the Velle Nova, one of the great sorcerer Elymas’ inventions, which is said to grant any sort of wish imaginable. They wanted to claim that power for themselves and possess the powers of the universe itself. However every attempt had failed, and without the real Velle Nova they couldn’t achieve what they were after. So they decided to pour all of their research into Kiyo instead, and try to create the weapon inside of a human being. This ended up making a twisted, broken version of what should have been the Velle Nova. But Kiyo couldn’t contain its power—it was going to unravel the universe itself and either destroy everything or alter it tragically into something unimaginable. One of the scientists working with the group realized how awful their experiment was and, being a Time elemental, decided to erase Kiyo’s memories (with some help) and send him centuries into the future so that the rest of the group couldn’t get their hands on him. Hence Kiyo winding up outside of Asterstone with no memories, and the truth behind his star mark. It had been granting Kiyo his wish the whole time—the longing to protect the things he cares about by being able to defeat any threat in his way. Of course with the unstable power that he can’t control, it usually leads into disaster;;

Kiyo, now having recovered his memories, realizes that the same thing is going to happen again, and decides to seal himself off to protect Asterstone and the world before the universe unravels. Cue an epic PMD-esque goodbye scene where he bids farewell to Toru, gives him his trademark scarf, and vanishes, escaping into a dimension between time and space where his power can be contained. *Starts playing I Don’t Want To Say Goodbye*

Toru, absolutely devastated by Kiyo’s farewell, decides he’s going to break time and space to save his man, except there’s one small issue...nobody else remembers that Kiyo even existed, and Toru only managed to by some miracle (and also maybe bc Kiyo handed him his scarf idk some magic soul connection thing). But after a while...a long while, maybe like a year or more...they finally unlock the key to finding Kiyo!!

Toru and Kiyo share a tearful reunion, and Kiyo cries a lot because it had been so lonely sitting in that black hole all by himself for so long. Toru begs Kiyo to come back, and suggests that Kiyo separate himself from the Vella Nova in order to live a normal life, but Kiyo informs him that he and the Vella Nova...are the same. They’re the same combined entity! Kiyo says that if he tries to unfuse, he’ll just end up destroying himself, because there’s nothing to separate, being one singular existence. So Toru points out uh hey since you’re the same thing, don’t you get a say on how your power is used? “It’s your power, Kiyo” yes we’re referencing Tododeku here we go

Kiyo’s like hmm uh yeah I guess you have a point;; so we went through all that for nothing huh. And Toru tells him you’re a fucking moron and Kiyo’s like ahh yes but you loved this moron enough to come rescue him from the void ;) And they kinda sorta confess but not really? Kiyo’s too nervous and Toru’s too distracted trying to figure out how to get them out of there but no worries they sort it out later. Kiyo tells him that hey I’m still dangerous and I could lose control at any given moment and Toru’s just like well I guess we’ll just have to stop you and bring you back to yourself. So with the knowledge that he’s got a whole guild of awesome people backing him up and a boy who broke the laws of the universe to save his ass, Kiyo and Toru escape the rift and finally return home together 💕 And that’s pretty much how their arc ends!

Extra personality traits

-He has a really short attention span so this makes things painfully hard on mission briefings, which leads to Kiyo usually screwing up the mission one way or another

-He often charges ahead without thinking and is the first one to become a target in a bad situation. Nobody really feels bad for him though because most of the time it’s his fault for walking right into it LMAO

-He can be very childish sometimes and most of the time he does it on purpose. His guildmates complain that their leader is a whiny, immature brat

-He is an expert on how to annoy people do not test him oh my god

-He can be incredibly selfish;; He’s gotten better with it during recent years, but he got scorned for it a lot when he was younger. He’s also very emotional, and you can read what he’s thinking like an open book! When his friends can’t read him that’s when they start getting worried.

-He has no experience in romance whatsoever and it’s the one (1) thing that can get him flustered. Nobody at the guild has ever seen Kiyo get mildly embarrassed or caught off guard, so they begin to think it’s impossible to make him blush. Then Toru shows up and ruins everything lmao

-He has a great sense of humor and can always make others laugh! He’s also very mischievous and sometimes plays pranks on other members of his guild.

-He’s very stubborn when he wants something and not in a good way. He also pouts a lot when he gets like this

-He loves his guild and his guild members man :'( If any of them are ever in any real danger he's quick to offer himself up first as a target. He's protective of his friends and will do anything to keep them safe!

-A very very affectionate person. He mostly shows this through physical acts like hugging and generally touching other people. In return he also craves affection and gets very soft when it’s given back to him. I’d probably say he’s a little touch starved despite being in close contact with others all the time lol

#Me: Time for a new OC! *Writes a novel-length essay about their background* #Kiyo #Among the Stars #ATS #Shima's OCs #This took me way too long to write fnaskbldads god #Original character #Character art #Character design #Digital art #Art #Character sheet #Character reference #Shima arts #Long post #shima-draws