#this is such a cop out sorry everyone but I cannot go on. physically

[megapwnus]

I was gonna do something more with this but my tendons are burning so… Sorry, Swerve.

#swerve week 2022 #swearth time baby #this is such a cop out sorry everyone but I cannot go on. physically #swerve #mtmte

[jhopezwrld]

omg can i request an ateez or stray kids reaction to finding out their s/o having nipple piercings 🤭🤭🤭 i’m giggling

oh i hear sum purring…. IM DOING BOTH CUS IM A SLUTTTTT🫶🏽 ateez next hehe

warnings: smutty, mentions of consensual recording/picture taking, sorta pervy!changbin

chan: oh the minute he sees them he’s busting in his pants like he’d be so obsessed with them i just know it. he’d immediately ask if he could touch them and when you give him permission just know his hands (and his mouth) will not leave your tits alone until you physically cannot take it anymore. he’d also very hesitantly ask if you’d let him take a picture of them so he could look back on it every time he’s away from you. plz do him one better and let him cum on them and record it he would probably die of happiness. your nipple piercings are now his number one obsession.

minho: oh i just know he’s planning on how he’s gonna buy u all kinds of pretty and sparkly nipple rings so that he can admire how pretty they look while he tit fucks you bc there’s no way that ISNT happening. he’s probably gonna sit u in his lap and just play with them cus he’s meanie and a tease but also bc he’s so infatuated with them. he will never leave them alone honestly he’s so obsessed with them he’d probably accidentally (or not so accidentally) tell the boys ab them and now everyone knows u got pierced nips and jeongin can’t even look you in the eyes 😭

changbin: binnie is already such a simp for u but once he sees ur piercings he probably falls a little more in love with u i’m not even joking. i just know he’d be OBSESSED with them and would think ab them 24/7. he’d always try to convince you to go braless just so he can admire how pretty the rings look thru ur shirt. he’d probably keep it super cold in his room just so ur nipples are constantly poking out of ur shirt and he can just..stare at them. sorry idc changbin is an undercover pervert like he won’t say anything to u and will try to hide his nasty intentions but is secretly getting off on how oblivious you seem

hyunjin: loves them but is lowkey mad u didn’t tell him when u got them done bc he probably would’ve gone with u to get one too LMAO. he’d 100% wanna draw you nude as soon as he sees them tho like he just thinks they look so pretty on u and that u look so perfect and he just needs to sketch you so he can memorialize the image forever. i lowkey see him just playing with them casually too like he’d 100% stick his hand down ur shirt to wiggle the little bar or twist your ring in circles during a movie night or something (it always leads to sex btw).

jisung: boy would be in disbelief. he’s the ‘pics or it didn’t happen’ kinda mf but if u actually send him a picture oh he’s freaking OUT! immediately removing himself from whatever area he’s in so he can go into the bathroom and jerk off real quick. i feel like jisung is so easy to rile up so probable just the mere thought of you + nipple piercings has him shifting around uncomfortably and adjusting himself in his pants. he’d fly home as soon as he could and just pounce on u. like he’d literally yank you into his lap and pull your shirt down to see them. as soon as he gets his hands/mouth on them i’m like 90% sure he cums in his pants

felix: he’s so sweet about it omg. as soon as he finds out he’s asking u all kinds of questions like ‘did it hurt?’ ‘are they healed’ or ‘did you get both or just one?’. felix is a shy bby so he probably won’t ask to see them himself but the way his eyes keep flicking from your face to your chest makes it so obvious so plz just lift up ur shirt for him. he’d be in AWE like almost drooling type shit. he’d also be too nervous to touch them himself so you’d either have to reassure him that it’s ok and he can cop a feel, or you’d have to physically grab his hands and put them on your tits. he’d be so gentle while touching them and would probably try to hide his boner but his lil whines make it pretty clear how he’s feeling.

seungmin: he’s so annoying he’d probably try to act so nonchalant ab it. ‘oh u got ur nipples pierced? cool.’ but on the inside he’d be freaking out. he wouldn’t ask to see them not bc he’s shy but bc he doesn’t want u to know he’s extremely excited ab this so he’ll wait for u to show him urself but once u do hoooooo boy he’s going to TOWN on u so prepare urself. dom seungmin mode activated u are not leaving that bed for days i’m telling u. he’s trying all types of positions so he can see how pretty they sparkle in the light while he fucks you. when you get a package in the mail with like 10 different kinds of nipple rings don’t look at seungmin bc it definitely wasn’t him (it was)

jeongin: went back & forth on this one but honestly i think he'd be so nervous about even looking at them. he only noticed because it was particularly cold in his dorm and you had decided to forgo a bra since you were spending the night. he doesn't even know how to react when he realizes, but the crimson blush creeping up his neck and cheeks, and the fact that he cannot look at your face make it pretty clear that he noticed them. i feel like innie is so shy when it comes to anything remotely sexual so do not expect him to be the first to mention your piercings. instead he will silently suffer and would probably go to bed with a boner unless you help him out (plz help him he's so hard its painful).

#my writing #jhopezwrld #stray kids smut #stray kids imagines #skz smut #bang chan smut #lee Minho smut #seo changbin smut #hwang hyunjin smut #han jisung smut #lee felix smut #Kim seungmin smut #yang jeongin smut #stray kids fanfic

[zukkaoru]

hello beloved!!! From the touch prompts:

49. taking the other’s hand to look for injuries

feel free to use any ship you want to go insane over 💖💖💖

i ended up doing patonic ranpo & yosano for this one bc i thought about ranpo having a scar from fukuchi stabbing him and then i spiraled. uhh once again sorry ik you aren't into bsd but i'm going insane over all of the bungou stray blorbos so have this <3

ft. nonbinary ranpo because it's canon to me

word count: 539

.

“You shouldn’t be so reckless,” Akiko chides, taking Ranpo’s hand in hers. Ranpo winces at the contact, but they know she won’t find any open wounds. The knife didn’t strike them—they knew it was coming and moved to evade it. But in the process, they’d crashed into Akiko and sent them both crashing to the ground.

At least the cops were competent enough to prevent the criminal from fleeing.

Ranpo huffs. “I’m fine,” they insist, though they allow Akiko to continue inspecting them, searching for injuries. There hasn’t yet been time for a bruise to form—though surely in an hour, Ranpo’s wrist will be black and blue—so the only thing visible right now is the matching thin, white, scars on both the palm and the back of their hand. Remnants from the battle against Fukuchi.

A physical reminder of where mindless trust gets you.

Akiko brushes her thumb over the scar on Ranpo’s palm, then curls their hand into a fist. “Can you bend your wrist for me?”

Ranpo obeys, bending it forward, then backward, then rolling it for good measure. It hurts, but the pain isn’t unbearable. Not when they still wake in the night, gasping for breath, their hand burning where Amenogozen pierced straight through it.

Akiko breathes out a sigh of relief, though her touch lingers. Ranpo wonders if their scar brings up unwanted reminders in her mind, too. Reminders that Fukuzawa is not infallible, that humanity is rotten at its core, that trust and love can be broken by anyone, if they find the right motivation. Or if they lose enough of themself.

“Please be careful,” she whispers, and then lets their hand slip from her grasp. Cold air seeps in where the warmth of her skin was only moments ago, and Ranpo stares down at their hand like it holds anything besides the ugly truths of reality.

“Whatever,” they mumble.

“I mean it. Not even you are untouchable, Ranpo. And I don’t want to lose you.”

Ranpo lifts their gaze to meet Akiko’s. Fukuchi’s betrayal taught them that love is thread as fragile as life itself. If the person Fukuzawa trusted above everyone else—above even Ranpo themself—could turn his back and tear down the Agency, there is no certainty the people Ranpo loves won’t do the same to him.

But…Akiko has already seen war. She faced the full brutality of it when she was only a child, and she did not lose the kindness in her heart. She spent years blaming herself for the blood of an entire regiment of soldiers, and she used her grief and guilt to make herself stronger.

Maybe betrayal is always a possibility; maybe you cannot love without that risk. Maybe you must simply choose who you are willing to chance such pain for.

Ranpo does not regret placing their trust in Fukuzawa, despite it leading them astray about Fukuchi. And if Akiko were to turn her back on them, Ranpo is certain they would forgive her even with their blood staining her hands.

Ranpo’s scars are a reminder of the pain trust can cause. But they are also proof that, even with an ability that elevates them above everyone else, they will still fall victim to their humanity.

#ranpo edogawa #yosano akiko #bsd #bungou stray dogs #THEYRE A FAMILY!!!!!!! #also i have many thoughts about ranpo and trust post-fukuchi but that would be a whole separate very long fic #and ranpo having a scar from fukuchi stabbing them is also canon. TO ME. #but seriously the sword went straight through. that's gonna leave a mark. #anywayyyy ty for the ask!! #peng tag #grace's writing tag

[imminent-danger-came]

What are your least favorite lmk characters?

(lmk is one of the few shows where I think 'least favorite' is actually a fitting description. Most of the cast just have such fun and unique personalities, so it‘s pretty difficult to actively dislike any of them imo!)

(not counting cop out answers like the Goldfish Demon)

I‘ve sat here for an hour trying to figure out which characters I would pick myself. I‘ve genuinely never thought about it before, that‘s how GOOD this show is 😆

Like- the Host Girl low-key feels like cheating. (Again- I don‘t dislike her but she doesn’t really have a CANON personality. Everything about her is purely fanon and hinges on her being Macaque‘s generic cute daughter.)

Not sure if Mo counts either. He doesn’t really rise in the rankings through virtue of being a cat for me. Most of the time there just isn‘t much for him to do.

I physically CANNOT pick someone from the main cast or the brotherhood- that hurts just thinking about it. ALL WOMEN ARE QUEENS (I have soft spot for Chang‘e in particular!). And even the characters we’re supposed to dislike are such a blast on screen! The Mayor was so fun! And Lady Bone Demon? As a least favorite? NEVER.

I guess by process of elimination my least fav is Syntax? That‘s the closest to a reoccurring character I can get.

IDK. Maybe you have a character that comes to mind immediately 🤔

I'm going to argue that there is some interesting stuff with Mo, and I may sound the way the pepe silvia guy looks, but that's okay. Anyways, episode 2x03 shows Mo's devotion/loyalty to Sandy, which on it's own isn't really much, but it's the fact that Mo is the one to bring sandy back in 4x06. Pigsy's big heartfelt speech doesn't do the trick, but Mo giving Sandy unconditional love does. And boy, is there something there! Like, "You said it Mo! The world may be full of darkness, but to let the light shine, all we need to do is stand together!" Girl, what is going on between Mo and Sandy! Mo get's a pass from me not by virtue of being a cat (I'm actually a dog person, I got 4 puppies), but by virtue of loving Sandy. We have so much in common.

But yeah! There really isn't a character I dislike in this show. I love everyone a lot, and most characters, even if they don't have interesting stuff going on are a blast to watch on screen.

I'm someone who is legitimately a fan of the Jade Emperor because of his one cool speech and subsequent death on screen. "Heh. And I suppose you think that person is you? How is it you come to stand before me today Azure, was there a point where you questioned it? Or were you too oblivious with your own delusion to realize that you were a mere piece in someone else's game. You may try Azure, the throne will be yours, but if you think I'll gift it freely, you are mistaken." Coolest shit ever. Big fan.

But. And I'm sorry to everyone, but I'd say Jin and Yin are my least favorites. I know. The gold and silver demons everyone loves. Like, they're fine, they're entertaining, they have a lovely placeholder as a manifestation of a simpler time, but that's also just kinda all they are. And they don't need to be anything else! It just also solidifies them as my least favorites asdfadsf. I'm sorry boys.

#Their jokes are also some of the weakest in the show for me. I'm sorry. I wish it had been me instead #Syntax can stay because I like 2x01 #But I also feel like I can't count him since he's one of those cop out answers #Any of the spider goons are #(Except you Huntsman. Love you. Get some tea and realize that you're a piece in someone else's game and then die. <3) #Goliath isn't even a character asdfasdf sorry buddy #Host girl? I like her as a pawn piece. ''Destroy me and you destroy the host'' OOOOO YEASSS THE DRAMA #Love her as collateral damage #I also really love Chang'e. Oh my god 3x07 is such a heartfelt episode. Waaaa. I love Pigsy and I love Chang'e and life is cooking #I also really like Yellowtusk. I just do #Uhhhh every lmk character good #lmk #lego monkie kid #asks

[myfirstlife]

Injustice at the hands of justice

Rookie Cops (episodes 1 - 3)

When injustice becomes law, resistance becomes duty.

If the title of the show was not a giveaway, Rookie Cops is a coming-of-age story about students of the 47th class of the Korean National Police University (KNPU) who are studying to becoming police officers. 

Before I begin, as a disclaimer, I simply wish to comment about what I had watched from this show, noting that I have no knowledge of the accuracy of its representation of KNPU.

Eun-kang (played by Chae Soo-bin) and Wi Seung-hyun (played by Kang Daniel in his debut acting role) first meet as civilians when the upright Seung-hyun is shown helping his friend with a love problem. Seung-hyun, a proud son of a police officer, is shown as a person who cannot help himself but to speak up when he sees someone treated unfairly, such as his friend who had been misled by his ex-girlfriend. Eun-kang, meanwhile, is loud and courageous and steps in to defend her sister who was being accused of taking advantage of men. The two don’t expect to meet again, and Eun-kang faces a rejection letter from KNPU.

Meanwhile Seung-hyun and his peers attend Cheongram Education, a two-week, cutthroat, military-style orientation that freshmen students must first undergo before being enrolled into KNPU.

Students are asked to surrender any personal items including mobile phones, they are told to reply only with the words “Yes, sir”, “Sorry, sir” and “I’ll get it right, sir”, and we get montage scenes of the students undergoing intense physical training without any breaks. Any wrongdoing or failure to meet the standards of the trainers is punished through more physical training. 

For the Cheongram Education Training Corp, inflicting punishment on their underclassmen just like how they were punished by their upperclassmen was the normal. Just like how the students of Class 47 are forced to follow the rules placed by the Training Corp, the Training Corp are also forced by tradition to push their underclassmen through the hardest ordeals so the students can one day be suitable to protect the citizens.

But one of the students of Class 47 could not complete her punishment due to feeling ill and Seung-hyun, who could not continue to watch his classmate’s suffering, speaks up against the Chief Trainer about his classmate’s wellbeing. 

Then who protects us when we're sick?

Later, the student drops out not being able to bear the rigorous training, which becomes the stepping stone for Go Eun-kang to enter into KNPU, without knowing what she is getting into.

For Eun-kang, the only motivation for her to get into KNPU is to follow the footsteps of her first love, an upperclassman at KNPU. She is wide-eyed and excited to be accepted and become a university student in the same place as her first love, not knowing what her classmates already know of about Cheongram Education.

Eun-kang would only fully realise the extent of Cheongram Education at the end of her first class, when the trainers ask everyone who had dozed off during the class to stand up and admit their mistake. Instead of complying when a trainer calls her out, Eun-kang instead defends herself to the trainer that while she had been sleepy (not because of the class but the fact that she couldn’t sleep the night before due to her excitement), she had not dozed off and instead pinched herself throughout to stay awake. 

Eun-kang, along with her classmates who are being punished, are beaten with a baseball bat. But even as she takes in the beating, Eun-kang still speaks out that she had not deserved the punishment.

Eun-kang gets into further disrepute with her upperclassmen when, while undergoing physical training, she is accused of secretly filming students being beaten by the Training Corp. Eun-kang’s denial falls on deaf ears and she is sent to detention until the disciplinary committee makes a decision to expel her from school.

But Eun-kang, knowing that she is a victim of injustice for the second time, seeks out the truth and reveals the real student who owned the spy cam, her classmate and roommate, Ki Han-na (played by Park Yoo-na). But for Han-na, instead of expulsion, she is given just 3 months’ probation. Even if she is no longer facing the accusation, Eun-kang feels unjustly treated due to the difference in the punishment.

But even if Eun-kang disliked the light punishment Han-na received, she sympathised with Han-na as Han-na is given extra punishment as a “lesson” by the Training Corp in front of her classmates to the extent of injuring her leg and collapsing. Eun-kang disregards the proper procedures and goes straight to the dean of the school to voice her complaints about the Training Corp.

Beatings don't make us into great police officers.

As the whole Class 47 undergo punishment for Eun-kang’s actions, Eun-kang and Seung-hyun refuses to accept punishment, reminding their upperclassmen the oath that all KNPU students made.

I affirm that I will be an honest and honourable KNPU student who will not give in to injustice.

These episodes of Rookie Cops are a startling acknowledgement of injustice where society should least expect injustice.

The institution of police was created to be the enforcer of law and justice and the protector of people. But for Class 47 who will one day bear the power to enforce justice, the unwritten rules created by the tradition of Cheongram Education forces them to first feel the wrath of injustice at the hands of their upperclassmen who were also once forced to suffer the same when they were starting out. 

The members of the Training Corp were not the villains. They were simply enforcing the law of Cheongram Education which had taught generations of police officers to inflict punishment on their subordinates without listening to the subordinate’s defence, and to accept punishment from their superior even if unjustified.

In this never ending cycle of inflicting harsh punishment without allowing the underclassmen to speak up for themselves, are these future police officers really learning how to protect the justice that created their institution? Or are they instead just reinforcing the learnt trauma and handing it down to their successors?

If not for Eun-kang who had been set up multiple times to receive punishment for something she had not done and refused to receive unjustified punishment, and Seung-hyun who refused to blindly comply with the traditions of Cheongram Education - the students of Class 47 would have continued the never ending cycle. But while Eun-kang and Seung-hyun may have led the resistance against Cheongram Education, they alone would not have been enough to create change if the rest of Class 47 did not stand up and stand by them.

#rookie cops #kang daniel #chae soo bin #park yoon na #kdrama #korean drama

[scentedchildnacho]

She wanted to know why the cars are unfriendly so I told her the neighborhood families do have stalkers and attackers.....

Its sort of why the states allies Taiwan....it may be is federal policies....but the people here make statements that they do not want a lot of pesticides used and want science implemented and things like pest control re instill phobias....for federal control of customs

So they have to have new clean lives all the time but quite frankly food aid is farty and stinky for everyone so skunky french behaviour skunks can really turn on you and go at you in the night pepe le pew

Soon they start realizing their own poop smells bad and they stop blaming your lifestyle for pest control stalkers they start noticing with or without homeless people heroin pest control keeps stalking them

Soon france will have been a displacement for white exoduses and the attitude the whorish attitude from jobs will hopefully finally stop the thing with jobs is here their really not nice and that's not normal

This homeless lady accused my homelessness of having the worst of cuban emigrationists that would cut my head off so people avoid me like it would get them targeted but slowly they realize I don't do it it is just that perp

I told her I have never had a job that would afford me a new car and I've found out to not be naive about my womanly study I can't tolerate how the newer cars roll on rails like pool balls it scares me if cars don't have some diesel drag and pull to the steering wheel

I am a wiman and I can't drive new cars

Bats I'm kind of blind and low fat and so I just don't

I can call a waymo though that I can do as wiman

He cannot have any threat...i can't use weapons and I can't do more then use that phone

I don't ask for a used car because a lot looks clean and okay and it wasn't good to people....some people did have manufacturing deficits and didn't deserve to be called a terrorist

There again federal projects and no one goes out onto highway from this city to that it's that no one may go out there really

She kept asking why it happens to her.....so I thought why do you have to be so dutiful to that young man if you won't go to your family you have explained uses too much addiction and apparently that has abused you

If you ask me if you don't run away from multi culturalism African cults call you a forced street mother if you don't run away the jails are always trying to give the biological mother a break by harassing different women with him

Uhm I'm sorry but I've never been so disgusted by immoral behaviour as United States young men sometimes their always poor and looking to be fed and washed and upkept and cannot provide that for anyone in return

The young reefer drug males never go away from cop areas

That's worship of war man every so often war man finally makes them go do something physically challenging and stop stalking elderly people

I've never seen so many men do nothing but dissipate energy in not accomplishing anything

They run around till they drive the truck and it's all so polluted people pray for war heroes to finally make them do something other then hang around hoods

Who is that young man and why do you have to forcibly street mama him?

Then it reeks of gas a lot today....

Maybe I am also feeling African but I think it's the factual obviousness of what's directly happening to you today.....

The library is a cop building....and reefers do not go away to something like cops because cops do have to feed them and let them wash....other parts of life told reefer it reeked and was a horrible dinner host and left it to its witchy hex life

Smoke never goes away so I think that's what happens to you....

That psychiatric group doesn't obey domestic abuse law and everywhere you go women get harassed with his prison problems

He was a fat schizophrenic and he should have cared if he keeps getting called fat because he does have sexual aggression problems and somehow that gets called a part of your life though it has nothing to do with you

He the psychiatrist should have cared more about them and he keeps dumping it on you

Otherwise I think my self restraint about car ownership is correct not paranoid....i think the truck pulled up right next to the mcdonalds is a timothy mccvay error.....i was white though so I get schooled in all the white things people should not do cultures not white appear to take pride in acting like a very notorious failed candidate

Or the car is broke so let your boss downsize their job pool.....as homelessness is an inevitable fact of life since the great depression.....

I am a wiman so I to life don't exhibit masculine logic and responsibility...i am irrational decisions? instead of the neighborhood if you must know she pulled her car up to close to homeless people and will get told she has to pay that back

I really hate that car line that's always around I find them boxy dumb and liable to tip over or the battery die as soon as weather isnt favorable and i like their people having to own them if the selfish over consumption is encouraged their gone faster

I in jobs also become a permissive instead of put people into my track teams from high school that do run highways for modeling......its sure yea you need another cheap stop looking like truck credit

That's me about I am disabled I have to walk with weights to calm my mind down and I can't breathe sometimes

Dont or anything realize that you look like truck credit so find a way to live more expensively....i find having a Pepsi for it an acting faux pax of getting the look too easily

I had a Pepsi for the look so I do feel I did something white

I think that's more the seguero lawsuit they keep going into residential shopping districts with industrial work materials like large GMC trucks

Anyway that's why I avoid their people and neighborhoods they get to close to mothers and children leaving their parked vehicles they get to close to pedestrians in general at intersections the only driving skills they have are accelerate till stop and after watching the northern Minnesota police have found out they do get retributively raided on

If cops may bother me while I sleep or refuse to enforce that inner cities improve their buildings outer exteriors for safe sleeping for the homeless where people may not stare at us then cops do go into their homes and pull them out of where they sleep for being consumption baby bully mean idiots

If that was mid east finally pulling escaped felons out from underneath beds that's what cops do to these neighborhoods I didn't enjoy being told to hydrate then bathroom closed they cause perversion like people won't finally desert storm policy it

That's me about free policy I have to go to programming about the taking care of and if I finally came into a settlement and was driving around in a truck with a friend and had my hair pulled back cheaply ordering McDonald's with an attitude then I would have to be pushed back out of the circle of trust

They were Italians and Irish and work has strict dress codes and performance points so gardening becomes more abundant and desired

Or they are indigenous people and they take abstract demented or disturbed mind states very seriously and I would of course if affluant avoid meat intake and cook with diversity knowledge and influence I would of course care if stink ever

Or refusing to order their hygiene foriegnly

Why do they avoid the fish they order in that film.......

That's me I was white so I'm told a basic crime theory is white people acquired favoritism to systems after indigenous people and I have to be shown it's faults and aggressions and to me a lot of multiculturalism acts really grossly drug white in ways I'm strictly told are evil

That's me crime codes are people did something white....

Indigenous Canada explained this as Americans.....the Americans are here to want financial systems and that's why I'm shocked by people's behaviour to me financializing things are clauses to laws because indigenous peoples also participated in owning slaves so I'm going to do this to you so you pay your confederate soldiers

That's me about financialism the indigenous peoples are big brother and that's to European mean for white people to do so americans

So it's a belief in aids heroin continuity something about indigenous status is hey man in with the global south why was an African jail shot at

Well Melissa Nelson told us she is indigenous and salmon has to be stolen and dumped into the great lakes so people want Americans like al zolynas to fix it because he understands cats and frogs

[oflgtfol]

man i just had a really freaky dream

so i was at michaels of course i was. except now that i think about it it was kind of merged with my food pantry job because everyone was buying food pantry items but obv it was not a pantry since they were purchasing it, and it was my michaels store and i was very obviously at the michaels registers

im alone on register ringing someone up whos kinda taking a while and then i look up and suddenly the queue is out the whole line area so i call for backup over the phone and then two people came up for backup but they were people i do not recognize like they do not and have never worked here at my store but dream logic said they were just seasonal cashiers thats why

and then.

the computers start shaking. like the monitors tremble back and forth on all six registers. a popup on screen says

“PLAYER [register number].

(a line here that i didnt get the chance to read because i was obviously freaked out but i think i caught the word disconnected)

Please put back all winter items. (paraphrased also)”

the ground was not shaking like this was not an earthquake it was just the computers themselves and i think the lights started flickering also. and everyone started getting freaked out i literally couldnt ring anyone up because the computers had this popup and the customers couldnt see it bc it was just on the cashiers side of the computer, although now that i think about it i have no idea what was being displayed on the customer facing monitor

and it just wouldnt stop shaking it was just really loud the way they were moving and there were just so many people on line that their agitation also got really loud and then everyone looks towards the main doors and starts yelling and even screaming. theres a cop there yelling something but the customers are moving AWAY from her and in the back of my mind sorry im like. Is there a shooter. is that someone dressed as a cop who is about to just open fire on this whole crowd. sorry thats the US american in me. and then two more cops come in and then it turns into a frenzy of everyone trying to get away. we all left out the fucking emergency side door just to get away. no shots were fired so i dont know why everyone was frightened to that extent

so im like ok well im out of here i wanna leave after that im freaked the fuck out and i dont know why everyone was running away but seeing as i was furthest from the front doors im trusting crowd instinct that there was something dangerous there but then im like. my bag is in my locker all the way in the back of the store

i think this was sort of drawing from the pipe bursting incident where my mom was texting me that i cannot leave without my bag because my wallet has my life in it and i was like yeah no shit i fucking know. and that was a burst pipe it wasnt like fatal or outright dangerous. but this time as im standing out in the freezing parking lot at like, just past sunset, watching the customers streaming out of the store im like. i need my bag. i cant leave without it. i felt kinda stupid like what if this is a bad situation what if it IS an active shooter and im prioritizing my bag over my life but then i was like well i literally cannot leave without my bag like physically because my car keys are in my bag so im stranded otherwise

so i head back inside and i see other Red Vests among the crowd showing my coworkers also going back inside. and then i kinda blank on what comes next but the next thing i remember is im sitting in the backseat of my MOMS car with my parents up frront? like theyre driving me home for some reason? despite the previous importance of me needing to drive myself home??

so i catch sight of the store as my dad drives away and its this strange… lighting. it doesnt look like the lights are completely off but theres a weird glow meaning its not completely dark. and i idly wonder what happened w my closing manager like i feel bad for whatever just happened and i was wondering how she was handling it

and so im trying to explain to my mom what happened. she took the shaking to be an earthquake and i was like no. mom it was not an earthquake. i was explaining everything i just did with the shaking being only in the computers and the weird popup message every single computer got at the same time even the ones not in use, when i look up at the now dark sky and its fuckinf GLOWING its like PULSATING its FLICKERING like the sky itself is FLICKERING

and my moms like OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT and i think my last thought was “is this the fucking rapture or something” and thats rhe last thing i remember because i woke up

i was kinda drifting in and out of sleep so i think thats why i was just like. nope im out! and woke up. but that also means this whole dream took place in only ten real life minutes because thats the gap between each of my alarms

#i can barely remenber the popup message it was just something about putting back winter items #which i thought was strange at the time bc its like. what winter items #why would we get a popup for that #especially right now #and why address it as PLAYER?? #thats what really caught my eye like why am i PLAYER 1??? #why were the other registers PLAYER 3. PLAYER 4 etc ???? #brot posts #my dreams

[invisibleanonymousmonsters]

Father of Mine – 1/2

Character: Bruce Wayne x Daughter!Reader

Summary: With the tragic passing of her mother, Y/N learns to the truth of who her father is. 

Word Count: 4,000+

Warnings: Family death, cancer, absent father, cremation 

A/N: The reader is described as tall in this fic. Bruce Wayne is 6′2 and I’m tall, so I’m indulging myself with no apologies. Read it or don’t. 

“Do you want to say anything before we…” the operator asked her.

“No,” Y/N answered quickly.

“Oh, my assistant forgot to give you this,” the operator gave her a shy smile as he handed her a small cardboard box.

She opened it to find all of her mother’s jewelry that had been on her body at the funeral.

“Thank you,” Y/N told him.

“Ready?” The operator asked.

He had been so kind throughout the whole process. It was obvious he was used to people breaking down and being extremely emotional. 

But Y/N had been stoic, almost concerningly so. 

Though he wasn’t one to judge. Everyone grieved differently.

With the pull of a handle, Y/N watched her mother’s body going into the chamber.

“It will be a few hours,” the operator told her.

He meant it will it will take a few hours for her mother’s body to burn to ash. Then they would hand her a tacky vase with her remains.

Y/N just nodded. “I’ll go for a walk.”

As soon as she was outside, Y/N called her mother’s executor.

“Ms. Y/L/N, I was just about to call you.”

“I’m at the crematory,” she told him. “I figured we should discuss the bills that still need to be paid for.”

“Yes, of course. As I mentioned to you before, your mother’s life insurance covers quite a lot of it…” his words died out.

“But it’s still not enough,” Y/N finished for him. “I’ll get the money.”

She wasn’t exactly rich, but she also wasn’t living paycheck to paycheck. But people never realized how much money it cost for loved ones to die. It was honestly ridiculous.

“You might want to consider taking out a loan,” he tried to suggest gently.

“I’ll think about it.”

“Another thing, Ms. Y/L/N. There was an envelope with a name on it. And your mother left instructions on delivering the envelope to them.”

She stopped her pacing. 

“What name is on the envelope?” Y/N asked.

There was a pause.

“Bruce Wayne.”

Y/N’s brow furrowed.

Of course she knew who Bruce Wayne was – everyone in Gotham did, as well as most of the country. He was a billionaire playboy, only making headlines when he was a mess. But every once in awhile his philanthropy would sneak in there. Y/N always assumed those were only to help recover his image and not because he was a good person.

“You still there?” The executor asked.

“Yeah. I’m just a bit confused. But please pass it along to him, if that’s what my mom wanted.”

“I can’t. The instructions specifically say for you to deliver the envelop to him in person.”

“In person?” Y/N groaned in annoyance as she pinched the bridge of her nose.

Why did all of this have to be so god damn complicated?

“Yes. Her instructions are…oddly specific."

“Fine,” she huffed. “I’ll pick up everything from your office before the work day ends.”

——————

Y/N stared at the envelop that she’d tossed on her coffee table as she sipped a rather large glass of red wine.

She was wracking her brain trying to think of a time when her mom mentioned knowing Bruce Wayne. But Y/N would’ve remembered her mom saying his name – even in passing. It’s not a name that one can drop casually.

Y/N pulled up her phone and googled him. But she looked at his history. Yes, he was from Gotham, as was her mom, but so were 10 million other people.

But then Y/N’s scrolling paused when she realized they went to the same high school: Gotham Academy. Not only that, they graduated in the same year.

‘Were they friends?’ Y/N wondered.

But just classmates or friends still didn’t seem to warrant a handwritten letter to be delivered after one’s death.

Y/N didn’t open the envelope.

Her mother’s instructions specifically told her not to. And if she put in that much of an effort to get this done after her death, Y/N wasn’t going to ignore such a request.

That didn’t mean she wasn’t curious.

“Fuck,” Y/N sighed before throwing back the rest of her wine.

——————

“I’m sorry, ma’am. I can’t grant you access to the building without your name being in the system by the company you’re visiting,” the building receptionist told her for the third time.

“I understand. But I called his office 30 fucking times and they refuse to put me through to him or get me an appointment,” Y/N practically growled.

“I’m sorry, ma’am. I already called their office to say you were here and they didn’t recognize your name. I can’t let you through to the elevators.”

Y/N’s gaze flickered to the security guard who stood a few feet away. He was eyeing her now that there was clearly an argument going on.

Y/N wanted to roll her eyes. She had a good foot on him – even without her heels on. And he looked like he couldn’t run a 50 yard dash without passing out or vomiting. If he thought he was going to physically stop her, he had another thing coming.

“Listen, I am not some crazy fucking stalker. My mom knew Bruce Wayne and in her will she asked me to deliver this to him,” Y/N’s voice lowered and became disturbingly calm. “I don’t want to be here just as much as you don’t want to have this conversation.”

“Ma’am, I’m going to need you to calm down,” the security guard finally stepped forward.

“Oh, fuck off,” Y/N rolled her eyes at the rent-a-cop.

“Ma’am, I’ll have to ask you to leave,” he continued.

“Call me ma’am one more fucking time…” Y/N growled.

But the security guard was taking a step to her.

“Excuse me. What seems to be the problem here?” A voice suddenly interrupted.

Everyone turned to see a young man – younger than Y/N – glaring at the security guard just as he was about to grab Y/N.

“M-Mr. Drake, we were just escorting this young woman from the premises,” the guard stuttered out.

Everyone at the building knew every member of the Wayne family. But unlike his siblings, Tim Drake was at the office almost every day. As one should be when they’re the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company.

“For what reason?” Tim Drake asked.

“She insists on seeing Mr. Wayne. But she doesn’t have an appointment. For security reasons, I cannot let her through, obviously, unless the company she is visiting has put her into their system and the building’s system,” the receptionist explained nervously.

Y/N frowned as if she was bored of the whole thing.

Tim stepped forward. “May I ask what your business with Bruce Wayne is?”

Now that he was closer, Y/N noticed how exhausted he looked. He was handsome still, of course. But she wondered when he last got a good night’s sleep. He was shorter than her, probably standing at 5’5. And she still believed he was younger than her, which was wild seeing as he was already the CEO and couldn’t be older than 24.

Y/N sighed before she grabbed the envelope from her black leather satchel, and showed that Bruce Wayne’s name was handwritten on it.

“My mother wished me to personally deliver this to him.”

Tim tilted his head slightly. “Why isn’t she doing it?”

“Because she’s dead,” she shot back without emotion.

But Tim’s face became sympathetic. “I’m sorry. I should’ve assumed…”

“It’s fine,” Y/N quickly cut him off before he could continue.

She was so tired of being on the receiving end of people’s sympathy. It didn’t help. And the words stopped holding any meaning to her.

“But I’m sorry. Bruce isn’t in today. And he probably won’t be coming to the office for the rest of the week.”

“Oh,” was all she responded with.

Of course Bruce Wayne didn’t come to work. Why would he?

This was a stupid idea. And now she had made a scene because of it.

“But if you give me your information, I will personally let him know that you are trying to reach him.”

“Really?” Y/N asked in shock.

Tim smiled at her surprise. “Of course.”

“Here’s my card,” she quickly grabbed one from her wallet and then a pen. “All my info is on that.” She wrote something on the back. “And that’s my mom’s name.”

He took it from her and nodded. “What was your mother’s relationship with Bruce?”

Y/N shrugged. “Honestly, I have no idea. I’ve been trying to figure it out. Apparently they graduated in the same high school class. But that’s all I was able to find.”

He nodded.

“Thank you…Mr. Drake. For your help. Really,” she urged.

“Please, it’s just Tim.” Then he glared at the receptionist and security guard. “For you it is, at least.”

“Thank you again,” Y/N felt like saying it 30 more times still wouldn’t be enough.

“You don’t have to thank me. Someone will be in touch. Have a good day, Ms. Y/L/N.”

“Y/N,” she corrected with a smile before she nodded and started backing away.

He smiled at her correction and gave a final nod.

——————

Y/N didn’t expect to hear from anyone for at least a week.

If the Wayne family was one thing, it was busy.

They probably had parties to go to, meetings to attend, private jets taking them around the world whenever they wished.

Why would they ever prioritize a meeting with her, a stranger?

So imagine her surprise when she received a call from an unrecognized number the same day she gave Tim Drake her card.

“Hello?” She answered.

Usually she would let any unknown number go to voicemail.

“Hello,” a British voice answered. “Am I speaking with Ms. Y/F/N Y/L/N?”

“This is she,” Y/N sat up straighter on her couch.

“This is Alfred Pennyworth. I work for Master Wayne and manage all his personal appointments. I was told by Master Tim that you wished to meet with him?”

“Uhhh. Yes. Yes, I do. Is that…is that possible?”

“Would you be able to stop by Wayne Manor on Friday afternoon?”

Y/N already knew she had nothing going on that would stop her from getting this done. But she still paused to pretend to think about it.

“Yes, Friday afternoon should be fine. Are you sure he doesn’t just want me to stop by Wayne Enterprises?”

It felt oddly intimate to stop by Wayne Manor. Wouldn’t they want to meet her in a more secure location like a corporate building with security that already hated her?

“He is quite certain. Should I send a car for you Ms. Y/L/N?”

A car?

Y/N felt even more out of her depth now.

“Oh, no. That won’t be necessary. I’ll be there.”

“I look forward to meeting you, Ms. Y/L/N.”

“Thanks,” she answered before hanging up and realizing that probably wasn’t the proper response to such a polite goodbye.

——————

“I haven’t heard that name since high school,” Bruce had muttered as he stared at the business card for what felt like the thousandth time.

“Yes, and the end of your relationship did not end on the best of terms,” Alfred commented.

Y/M’s/N Y/L/N had been Bruce’s high school sweetheart.

An she had seen the last moments of Bruce’s normal life. 

Upon graduation, Bruce decided to leave Gotham and that’s how his second life was founded. The two of them broke up before the summer after graduation had even ended.

Well, “Breakup” was a strong word.

Bruce stopped answering her calls.

She was his first love and he continued to love her.

But once Bruce realized where his life was going and who he wanted to be, he knew he couldn’t drag her into it. She deserved better.

And Bruce was a coward about relationships then. Maybe he still was.

“I am certain you did a thorough background check on her already,” Alfred commented with a smirk.

Bruce took in a breath before listing off all of her accomplishments. “Y/F/N Y/L/N. Graduated number one in her class at Gotham Academy. She was the star of the track team, breaking the regional record for fastest time in 100m, 200m, and 400m races. Also captain of her soccer team. Attended NYU’s photography program before dropping out after a year. Now she’s a professional photography. Her work’s been featured in Vogue, New York Times, National Geographic…amongst others.”

“Rather an impressive woman,” Alfred said.

Bruce nodded.

“I should get the tea and coffee ready for her arrival.” And with that, Alfred left Bruce in the drawing room.

30 minutes later, the doorbell rang.

Bruce glanced down at his watch: she was right on time.

He heard Alfred saying his pleasantries before he heard the clicking of her heels as she rounded the corner to enter the room he was waiting in.

For being a famous photographer, she could’ve been a runway model with her height and the way she walked into the room, completely owning it. She wore four-inch heels, only adding to her natural tallness. And her bright, red coat only added to her presence.

For a split second, Bruce was convinced that he was looking at an Amazon. Diana immediately flashed into his mind for a split second. Perhaps that was what Y/M’s/N needed help with: to get her daughter to her real people. But how would she have known Bruce Wayne had such connections? Unless she knew Batman’s true identity…

As soon as Y/N spotted him in the room, he rose from his seat.

“Ms. Y/L/N,” Bruce greeted.

He took a step forward and held out his hand.

“You guys really love the formalities.” She said it with a dark evenness, but it was clearly a joke. “Y/N is fine, Mr. Wayne,” she added as she shook his hand.

“In that case, it’s Bruce,” he countered with a soft smirk.

There was something so familiar about her. But Bruce knew they’d never met. 

“Thank you for seeing me. I don’t want to waste anymore of your time,” Y/N quickly got to it. She opened her purse to grab the envelope.

“My mom wanted you to have this. And she wanted to make sure I was the one to give it to you,” Y/N explained as she offered it to him.

Bruce took it carefully, but didn’t open it. “Yes, I heard about her passing. I’m very sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you,” she said hurriedly, making it obvious to Bruce that she did not want nor need his condolences.

Bruce nodded slowly.

There was a pause.

“Do you know what it says?” He asked her lightly.

She shook her head. “I wasn’t supposed to read it.”

“I see.”

“I should really be going. I have a flight to catch later tonight.” Most people that visited Wayne Manor wished to stay there forever. Or their curiosity got the best of them and their eyes took in every little detail.

But Y/N looked like she’d rather be anywhere else. And she wanted to get out as soon as she possibly could.

“Thank you again for seeing me,” she rushed out.

Without waiting for his answer, Y/N turned and started walking out of the room.

But she only got a few steps before she stopped.

Bruce watched her shoulders tense and her body move as she was clearly taking in deep breath.

Slowly, Y/N turned around to face him.

“Were you friends?”

Bruce gave her a watery smile. “She was my girlfriend in high school.”

Y/N seemed annoyed by that answer. “She never mentioned you. Not once.”

Bruce’s brow furrowed at that and his eyes zoned out as if he was revising the past in his mind. “I’m not entirely surprised. Things didn’t really end well between us.”

She nodded slowly. “Goodbye, Mr. Wayne.”

And Y/N turned and strutted out of the room without looking back.

As soon as Bruce heard her cab drive away, he ripped open the envelope and pulled out a letter.

He barely noticed that Dick had walked into the room. “May I ask…Who was the extremely attractive and tall woman that just walked out?”

But Bruce didn’t hear him as his eyes raced across the letter. His heart sped as he continued reading.

“Bruce?” Dick asked after being ignored. “Is she your next conquest or what?”

It wasn’t until Bruce was done reading the letter for the third time that he finally looked up and acknowledged Dick.

Alfred had also walked into the room, unbeknownst to Bruce.

“You OK?” Dick asked, now concerned with how silent Bruce had become.

“Master Wayne?” Alfred also urged.

“That was…my daughter,” Bruce finally muttered.

Dick blinked before his eyes grew wide in shock.

Alfred seemed less surprised, almost as if he had already put that together.

“Excuse me,” Bruce told them and exited the room.

———

Dick and Alfred must’ve warned the rest of the family not to bother Bruce in the cave. Usually he would’ve been disturbed by now.

Bruce had been at the computer for hours.

Alfred was the first person to come down, carrying a tray with dinner and tea.

The butler wasn’t surprised to find Y/N’s face all over the screens.

If Bruce had left any available information hidden before inviting Y/N to the manor, it was all out there now. Bruce knew everything about Y/F/N Y/L/N that was public knowledge – probably even some things that were not.

“You know, you did not seem all that surprised,” Bruce said to Alfred as he put the tray of food down next to him.

“Seemed rather obvious, didn’t it?”

Bruce quickly turned to look at him. “It did?”

Alfred smirked. “Her eyes,” was all he said.

“The color?”

Alfred shook his head. “As soon as she walked into the manor, they were reading me.” He tilted his head in Bruce’s direction. “Observation. Perception. Attention to detail...That is all you, Master Wayne.”

“The way she held herself,” Alfred continued, "Shoulders held back, head high, walking with purpose. No hesitation.”

“Also me?” Bruce asked.

Alfred simply nodded.  

“I don’t think she liked me very much,” Bruce sighed.

He didn’t know how he felt about that yet.

“A lot of people think you don’t like them when you first meet them,” Alfred countered. “Because I don’t trust them yet.”

Alfred raised his brows and silently ask him, ‘Don’t you see my point?’

Bruce rubbed his face and reached for the tea on the tray, ignoring all the food.

“I don’t know why you’re so entertained by this, Alfred.”

“Yes, I was entertained. I just saw a younger, female version of you, Master Wayne.”

“I abandoned her,” Bruce shot.

“You didn’t know she existed,” Alfred corrected.

“And why do you think that is?”

Alfred’s face dropped a little bit when he noticed the envelope discarded on the far end of Bruce’s desktop.

He looked down at the ground as he asked, “Might I ask what the letter said?”

Bruce glared at the letter as if touching it would burn him.

But after a moment, he grabbed it and quickly handed it to Alfred.

Bruce,

If this letter has finally reached you, it is because I have passed.

I must admit that I wrote this letter mostly in the event that I leave my daughter before she is an adult. But once Y/N turned 18, I decided to still pass this along to you.

There is no easy way to tell you this, so I will get to the point.

The young woman who delivered this letter to you is your daughter, Bruce.

Y/F/N Y/M/N Y/L/N.

When I found out I was pregnant with her, I was only 18. We had just graduated high school. You had started traveling. You called less and less. And you grew more distant – physically and emotionally. Eventually, you stopped answering my calls altogether. I left you a voicemail, only saying that I so desperately needed to talk to you, that I needed you.

But you never called me back.

With no words at all, you made it very clear that you no longer wanted anything to do with me.

But there I was, a teenager who was pregnant with our child.

I would be lying if I said I never considered terminating my pregnancy. I was scared and you broke my heart. All I wanted to do was erase you from my life.

But I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.

Once I decided what my future was going to be, I also decided that I did not want you to have any part in it.

I knew even if you pretended to play the doting father and the committed partner, you would grow tired of us eventually. You would resent me and our child for bringing you down. And you would brush us aside for yourself.

I realized I would rather Y/N have no father at all than one who would only disappoint her over and over again.

To this day, I truly believe I did the right thing for all three of us.

There are not enough words to explain the complicated woman that Y/N grew up to be. But I will try my best. I think I owe you that at least. 

Or maybe you have no interest.

I don’t know how she became so much like you, even when I never so much as showed her a picture of you or uttered your name.

She enjoys being alone – almost to her own detriment. I constantly catch her repressing her feelings, always staying strong for everyone else. It reminds me of you. She’s assertive and confident, never letting anything stand in the way of what she wants. Sometimes I don’t think she’s scared of anything. It worries me, just like it worried me when I thought the same of you.

I truly don’t know what you will do with this information.

But…if you have any desire to form some sort of relationship with her, then you should know this: she will not make it easy for you. She will push you away. And she might even hate you. I raised her to never need a man in her life, and she’ll make sure you know that.

I don’t expect anything from you. I never did.

But I would just like to know there might be someone who will be there for her should she need them.

Goodbye, Bruce.

Alfred slowly handed the letter back to Bruce when he was finished.

“I pushed her away because I knew what I was about to become,” Bruce explained darkly. “And I didn’t want her anywhere near it. She would’ve been in danger.”

“Y/N, as well,” Alfred added.

“But had I known…if I just listened to her–”

“Master Wayne, I thought we had agreed to never linger on the ‘what ifs.’”

That sure silenced Bruce.

“Now, what do you plan on doing, Master Wayne?”

———

Y/N frowned when her phone started vibrating and she recognized the name of her mom’s executor on her phone screen.

“Hello?”

“Ms. Y/L/N, how are you?”

“Fine. How are you?” She was quick, wanting to get this over with. Surely, he had bad news. Another medical bill came in or some other expense that slipped by them.

“Good, good. Just curious…have you placed any payments to our various claims?”

“Uhhh…no. But I’m working on it.”

Y/N hadn’t expected to get a call nagging about paying bills.

“No, no, no. You misunderstand. They’ve all been paid,” the executor explained.

Y/N sat up straighter in her chair. “What? That’s not possible.”

“An anonymous donor. They somehow got record of all your outstanding payments and covered all of them.”

Y/N was stunned to silence.

“Ms. Y/L/N…this is a good thing.”

She blinked and shook her head. “Right. Yes, of course. I just…thank you.”

“Don’t thank me. Thank this guardian angel of yours.”

---------------------

Part 2

Let me know what you think!!!

#bruce wayne fic #bruce wayne x daughter!reader #bruce wayne reader insert #batfam #batman #batman x daughter!reader #dad!bruce wayne #dad!batman #batman family #batman universe #batman angst #bruce wayne angst #alfred pennyworth #father!bruce wayne #father!batman

[theamberwizard]

i’ve been thinking about black widow and the red room recently, as one does, and i’ve got a lot of thoughts about the effects of the red room on widows who’ve escaped. couple things, just before i begin: i would recommend having watched black widow before this because there are implied (?) spoilers, i use way too fancy language while i write and i don’t have an editor cause this is mainly to catch her off guard, so, uh, whoops sorry

trigger warnings: TW: child abuse TW: restricted eating/starving yourself TW: dehumanization TW: death of a child

so yeah, enjoy my list of 10 personal headcanons about how the red room fucks you up on all the levels.

1) black widows cannot sleep in. like, they wake up at 5:00 am every day. it’s not a physical thing, at least not as far as they know, because they can negate that by just going to bed two hours or less before 5:00 am just from their lack of sleep. if, however, they go to sleep at a fairly normal hour they will, like clockwork, wake up at 5:00. this stems from them doing it every single day of their life since they got indoctrinated in the red room. if they didn’t wake up at 5:00 am ready for more training or missions, for any reason, they would be tortured. sometimes physically, sometimes mentally. eventually, all the widows would get that message. they still can’t shake it. because of that, natasha will often refuse to go to sleep at a normal hour, trying to force her body into submission, trying to rid herself of the painful memories that accompanied sleep and waking up afterwards. only clint knows why, because each day in that vent, natasha would snap up at 4:00 am. she had to explain to him that she just wasn’t accustomed to budapest time, and that actually, it was 5:00 am in russia.

2) for months after escaping the red room, widows practically cannot eat. in the red room, they were fed mushy messes of meals, filled with only the necessary nutrients that they absolutely had to have to survive. most widows can only get down one meal, maybe even a snack if they push it, until they throw it all up. they have to slowly eat slightly more each day for weeks until they can get down a normal intake of food. even then, it’s hard to push that, and every widow relapses into throwing up in those early stages. however, this isn’t normally a problem for most widows until a couple weeks into their life with freedom. that’s about the time that they make an acquaintance, who will eventually pluck up the courage to ask them why every time said friend will eat near the widow, the widow will lean over and whisper: “careful, that’s your whole ration today and i don’t want to do extra training.”

3) each “class” of widows had an extra mentor teacher in their early red room years. this was an older widow, someone who’d been falling behind in her recent missions, and with a look that the red room deemed “motherly”. their sole purpose was to be the person each widow got attached too, the parental figure. they were nice, they were helpful, they taught many different basic techniques. then, one day, the red room would have another older widow, (one already introduced to the children as the metaphorical “bad cop” of this scenario) come in and inform the mentor that she had failed her latest mission and proceed to, in front of thirty eleven year-olds, shoot the mentor. the mentor widow would not die that day- the red room refused to waste such a weapon- but the class of up incoming widows would be informed that she had. the official purpose of this exercise was to demonstrate to both the trainees and the trainer the consequences of failing a mission. the unofficial purpose? that would be the last psychological effects the mentor’s “death” would have upon the class, making them learn what happened to attachments in the red room. the day natasha’s class experienced this was the day she cut off all contact with her sister. the day yelena experiences this is the day she first another widow- because yelena killed that mentor with her own bare hands before the informant ever finished the announcement.

4) towards the start of the red room’s history, there were several attacks on the red room. the first ever attack was from a local police station who had been getting complaints of loud wailing, and, upon further investigation, realized what they were dealing with. they brought several other police and militia groups from nearby towns. the immediate action that was taken was to throw the littlest girls they had at the attackers. it stopped the police in their tracks, obviously, because you really don’t expect to come across thirty little girls while searching through a building of highly trained assassins. the red room then sent their fully trained widows and killed everyone. including the girls. the red room then found that footage from their cameras (because of fucking course they have cameras) and then showed it to the next batch of widows, just to show them how disposable they were.

5) yelena and natasha almost caused a whole fucking mutiny within the red room just because of their names. in the red room, you see, widows do not get names. they instead are bestowed with numbers, and even those are a twisted class ranking. they all wore little name tags with the numbers on them until came natasha and yelena came in. yelena, having just seen her mother get shot, complied almost immediately and was addressed as number 42. on the other side of that coin you have natasha, who had already been in the red room and remembered every gruesome detail, and went “fuck you my name is natalia.” upon hearing of this (word gets around fast in the red room. every girl must know they are being listened to at all times, and no secrets can be kept from the red room,) yelena too announced her name to the class.

6) this was met with blanching from every child in that class, because how on earth can you be called by a word? no, they thought, we are numbers, we are weapons, we are not people and we cannot have our own words, for we are not worthy. but secretly, internally, they wished for a name. slowly, they began piecing syllables together until they formed a coherent name, and for the first time in the red room’s long history, they didn’t have weapons. not anymore. they have two full classes of human little girls. the red room officials heard of this, obviously, and took to the only method they had now. violence. the classes were rid of the named girls, yet natasha and yelena were kept alive. they were kept alive to be ostracized, to be the girl the others pointed at and said “she’s the reason all my friends died.” they were kept alive so they could watch the carnage they had unwittingly caused just by saying their own names. and the worst part? well, the worst part was when the teachers accounted for those kills, and made them top of the class. yelena will never forget the day the teachers stood her and her sister up in front of all the widows-in-traning and told them what a good job they had done, how those tactics were sure to help them graduate. i mean, you’re practically a shoo-in if they rest of your class was killed by your school.

7) the red room could never fully stop the names, and so they decided to make a system, and the names would be the highest reward. they told the young, impressionable girls that while maybe outsiders such as natasha and yelena got names at birth, you had to earn them here. if you are to become a spy, you will take on the name of you very first official alias. if, instead, you become an assassin, you will take on the name of your very first official kill. of course, in reality, the widows couldn’t actually address each other with their new earned names, and instead used “team leader” or other such titles. but it became a small comfort for them, thinking of themselves in third person, with their very own names. in some small part they weren’t fully weapons anymore, no, they were people again. natasha took on the name natalia, because in her mind that life in ohio had been her first mission, even if she hadn’t known it. yelena took on yelena as well, but in her mind that little girl in ohio who was sitting in the backseat, caring only about which song they played, that girl had to have been yelena’s first true kill.

8) the names system worked well in the red room, but when you escaped it caused some serious problems. most would have to announce themselves to the russian government, saying they had been flying under the radar their whole life and never became registered. then, they’d give a non-russian name, and their whole ruse would fall apart. unfortunately, this was the least of their problems, because many a widow would someday meet a relative of their very first kill, and when they introduced themselves as the person they had killed all those years ago, the families and friends would often figure them out.

9) one of the biggest parts of the red room’s brainwashing was their little catchphrases they used. ironically, a lot of them were eerily close to boy scout mottos- “be prepared,” an iconic scout motto, versus “there is no safety, only preparedness,” the most frequently used phrase within the red room. when widows then escaped, the most small phrase could set them off. some unknowing widows even adopted little boys in their new lives, who often became boy scouts. the ensuing misery is something you can imagine yourself.

10) after clint helped natasha to escape, she immediately died her hair blond.  clint asked why, of course, and she didn’t tell him. (what, you thought i’d have another cute clintasha moment? never.) this was partly because she hadn’t admitted it to herself, though, because natasha couldn’t remember her sister without remembering all the suffering that came with her.

11) when the widows were smaller, more susceptible to the conditioning, the red room would stage infiltrations. older widows, ones who were closer to retirement, would come in in different uniforms, sometimes the uniforms of UN officers or local police, sometimes different organizations, all different types. the most recent uniforms made yelena sick looking at them, because each time the older widows would pretend to be the avengers there would also be one pretending to be her sister. each time she saw the fake natasha she wanted to break that widow’s neck because that’s not how my sister tilts her head, you’re doing it all wrong. you should be doing it like this, you shouldn’t be doing it at all, i should be doing this, i know my sister. each time those exact thoughts went into her head, and each time all she really wanted was for her sister to be there, for natasha to do her little head tilt upon seeing yelena and take her hand and say “you’re safe now, i promise,” and for natasha to be telling the truth. the only problem was that deep down inside herself yelena knew that this could never actually happen while yelena was still in the red room, because while yelena was still in the red room she knew that she would look at natasha telling her she was safe and tell her in return that there was no safety, only preparedness, and then murder her sister in cold blood.

#FINALLY #we have finished #black widow #black widow 2021 #yelena belova #natasha romanoff #natasha #assassin #yelena #the red room #red room #natasha needs therapy #and so does yelena #headcanon #marvel head canon #fun fact: i've had two tumblr tabs up the entire time while writing this cause i didn't wanna close the draft #anyways y'all know that you can only have a certain amount of tags? cause i didn't #anyways yelena belova #my wife #i love her #and also #my baby #sos i'm way too invested #help #totally cried while making this

[shirophantomvox]

Analyzing Illumi Zoldyck's Character

Chrollo Analysis | Hisoka Analysis | Killua Analysis

What’s up y’all! Sorry for being away for the last few days. I needed a break from social media because I am so tired of seeing toxic, self-righteous people on my TL. Anyway, quite a lot of you liked my posts about analyzing HxH characters and somehow comparing them to VLD characters. Today, I’ll be talking about Illumi Zoldyck and I’ll try to compare him to a Voltron character. I know many people have already analyzed this character before, but it wouldn’t hurt to add to the discussion some years later. If you want me to write about anything else, send me an ask! The formatting of this post may be different than the one I wrote about Hisoka Morrow (click his name to view that post).

HERE WE GO!

In the first season, all of the characters are contestants for the Hunter’s Exam. I say contestants because this is a contest to see who can win without any injuries and can keep up with each host. I forget what number stage they were at, but I do know they were at the stage where each opponent has to fight each other. They are declared the winner if their opponent forfeits or gives up mid-match. (Off-topic, but) I am going, to be honest; Gon was my favorite character but his flaws began to show, annoyed me, and later led to his horrific downfall (based from YouTube clips). He didn’t know when to stop and kept pushing himself over the limit. Anyway, Killua and Gittarackur are set to fight. This is when things take a turn for the worse.

Gittarackur is a form of a disguise for Illumi to mask his identity. His face is long; nearly (and reminds me of) in the shape of a Tiki. His face also reminds me of the Witch Doctor mask from Scooby-Doo and Hell-raiser. He has several pins stuck in his face to maintain the facial features of Gittarackur. On the flip side, if he removes the pins, his biological form is revealed. Once he does this, Killua is nearly paralyzed; he cannot believe his eyes and I’m sure the trauma he endured at home hit him like a sack of rocks. Illumi then tells Killua that he wants him to return home, that he cannot maintain a friendship with Gon, stated that he was going to kill Gon, but realizes that if he does so he will be disqualified and will not obtain his Hunter’s license.

I’m assuming the cops aren’t a thing in this reality and the only way for them to “destroy” under the law is by obtaining the license. What do you think? I rarely see police officers; all I see are the Mafia and every they suck compared to the Zoldyck's and the Phantom Troupe. Shit, it seems like they’re the police but have twisted motives.

It doesn’t matter if you’re a fictional character or not, first impressions matter and he bombed this one...even for a villain.

But you did this for what?

How can you hypnotize (by using Nen) your own brother into killing another opponent because he doesn’t want to become an emotionless zombie like you? At least, that’s my perception. Telling your brother to run every time he faces an opponent that he knows he cannot win against is the sickest shit I’ve ever seen. I know I’m jumping around but another thought popped into my head. As the seasons go on, Illumi expresses an odd way of loving his younger brother and to him, that means to make him suffer in the same way he had to. It seems like Illumi is jealous of Gon in a way. (I’ve seen clips on YouTube) Killua takes Alluka to the hospital to heal Gon. Illumi has stated several times to Hisoka that Killua was hiding rules from him and that he still wanted to get rid of Alluka. Although it is clearly stated why he wanted Alluka gone, I still think that Illumi was jealous of Gon simply because his younger brother preferred to be with a friend instead of him. This is why he emphasizes “You cannot have friends. Either they will betray you or you’ll betray them.”

As I read and watched as the seasons went on, I noticed something about Illumi and his family. We all know that the children were raised by their parents. Specifically, their dad is a trained assassin. I can’t remember but I think Zeno is their grandfather who is also an assassin.

I view him as a character that has suffered from abuse and trauma in order to mold him into an assassin. He is emotionless, doesn’t really care for others, has an odd relationship with Killua that he doesn’t have for his other siblings, and is a hypocrite. Killua can’t be friends with Gon but every time the show cuts to him, he’s with Hisoka? Something is fishy there. Are they more than friends? OK, thanks for coming to my Ted Talk. Here's the physical analysis below.

Face

When masquerading as Gittarackur, his face has several pins in them and his hair is in a rock star form of Mohawk that is purple. I’ll give him 10/10 for uniqueness, yet it still reminded me of Hell Raiser.

I’ve noticed that when he is in public he is in costume. Why doesn’t he reveal himself in public? I’ve researched this and no one could answer this question. My guess is that he is a verified hunter and assassin. How can you carry out your missions if everyone knows what you look like? Without the pins in his face, it reverts back to his natural state. To me, his large eyes and long, shiny black hair are his distinguished features. Although he may be my least favorite character, he does have pretty eyes. Haven’t you all heard of “I got lost in his/her eyes”?

Yeah, that can be said about him. Most definitely. He rarely smiles and when he does, something BAD is going to happen. I saw him laugh crazily once Alluka began the healing process, the Nen (I guess) rose from the hospital and got on him. This scene reminds me of how Haggar reacted once the Komar’s quintessence bounced from Voltron and bounced onto her. Wow, these supernatural abilities make y’all feel that good?

Clothes

Gittarackur and Illumi wear the same clothes, which should be a clear giveaway that they are the same. Illumi wears a neural green short jacket that has yellow pins in them, a light green shirt underneath, and green pants. His shoes remind me of loafers with a heel on them, something my grandmother would wear.

I’ve said this before and I’ll say again, these bad-ass men in this show are very stylish and seem to be in shape more than I am. Although Illumi irks me, his fashion is great and this is why people prefer him to be their favorite character. Shows should always produce characters that are memorable; that is the key to a long-lasting fan base.

In conclusion, this anime (for the most part) has well-rounded characters that make the plot interesting and wanting more.

Illumi and Lotor are somewhat similar. They both grew up in abusive households and lost some sense of sensitivity, common sense, and were often “misguided” by their own selfishness. Illumi wants a better life for Killua by constantly brainwashing him into thinking that he cannot have friends and his can only find happiness through killing. Zarkon raises Lotor to be a prince that shouldn't work with planets and should destroy them. This explains why he used deceased Alteans from the colony, drained their quintessence, and didn't give them a proper burial. Lotor IS just like his father but Killua IS NOT like Illumi. Ironic, huh? As we all know by now, Lotor is the son of Honerva (Haggar) and Zarkon. After the rift accident, he became an emotionless, ruthless monster that colonized and destroyed planets just to gain their quintessence. He taught this to his son and once he was old enough to think for himself, he refused to act in such a way. Although he was exiled and said he wasn’t like Zarkon, he was; but worse. Lotor studied and gained knowledge about Altea and its people while using Allura to gain the secrets of Oriande. I say he used her because he knew from the moment he met her that he was harvesting Altean quintessence. While fighting the white lion, he yelled “Victory or Death” which is a common catchphrase the Galra use when they are in battle. In fact, the Galra have been victims of trauma from Zarkon. Zarkon’s ruthless ways of ruling had no other motive except for obtaining quintessence so he could live forever. Silva’s way of raising his children was done to mold them into assassins. Since he was taught this way he did the same thing to his children. Zarkon, Silva, and Zeno think that their ways of parenting are necessary for survive in life when it doesn’t have to be that way. Illumi and Lotor have experienced this horrific parenting and deal with it in different ways. Illumi is oddly obsessive of his younger brother and Lotor is a fucking liar.

This analysis was fun! Next, I’ll be analyzing Killua and Keith Kogane.

If you’d like to see more posts like this, send me an ASK!

#illumi x you #illumi x reader #illumi zoldyck #silva zoldyck #yandere zoldyck #milluki zoldyck #alluka zoldyck #kirua zoldyck #killua zoldyck #zoldyck family #hunter x hunter #shiro phantom vox writes #hunter x hunter thoughts #lotor voltron #vld lotor #prince lotor #emperor lotor #voltron legendary defender #voltron netflix #hunter x voltron #hunter x voltron crossover #gon freecss #hisoka #hisoka morrow #hunter exam #silva #zeno zoldyck #zarkon #zarkon voltron #haggar voltron

[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

it wasn’t power i coveted; it was acceptance.

Titans 3.06

y’know, i was just thinking the other day that 1.06/1.07 and 2.06/2.07 were the best episodes of their respective seasons, so i have great hopes going in to this one. fingers crossed!

as always, typing this up as i see the episode.

SPOILERS AHEAD

1. oh! um... that was a Cold Open, all right. *nudges* get it? cold? because it’s snowing? and two people got murdered in cold blood? eh?

... oh, i’ve just started.

1.5. i wonder if “i want to be sipping pina coladas on a beach with you” is the new “i’m just one day away from retiring.” i was so on edge after that--i kept expecting that car to explode. even so, the way they died wasn’t an anticlimax: brutal, and quick. 

1.75. so i’m assuming that’s the titular lady vic! this show better bring up why this doll was important or why these two cops needed to be killed, and not leave it to the ether like jericho’s little mindscape jaunt in 2.08 (i’m still dying to know what that was about???)

2.

i love how deliberately unappealing wayne manor is. 

(sorry for the pic quality. i don’t have hbo max! ssshhh.)

2.3. i love the many references to “home” and “our house” when they’ve been here for less than a week and saw one of their friends get blown into pieces. i mean, i unironically love it: home is where family is, after all!

2.5. i’d like to say that kom is playing some sort of long game here, especially given the build-up we had last season and some of the more niggling details this season: why did kom choose now to use her bond to lure kory when she’s been on earth for months? why did justin call kory now, just around the time that she started getting kom’s visions? and what about kom’s ability to exactly imitate other people? hmmm.

2.75. the reason i wrote i’d like to say is that i’ve made the mistake of assuming plot complexity where there is none; i was so invested in the jason todd orchestrated his own death theory for instance, when it turns out that oops! ra’s al ghul just happened to leave a little lazarus puddle in gotham, and oh yeah! scarecrow just happens to have a network of henchmen working for him on the outside and a fully functional laboratory and a weapons cache fit for a new supervillain in the basement of the high security psychiatric unit/prison that he’s in! 

(no i’m not bitter, why do you ask)

2.8. iiiii don’t know what to say about the implications of sex slavery being a thing on tamaran, so i’m not going to say anything at all. for now.

3. gotham, six years ago... wasn’t it five years before s2 that jericho died and the titans disbanded? and when was the flashback from 1.06 where dick let zucco die? i think it was after the events of 2.08: jericho? i can’t seem to find any transcripts or reliable information online, so i’m going to have to rewatch 1.06 at some point. 

(i love the old-fashioned batman music in this heist scene)

3.5. “security is a joke... it’s my way of keeping my dad on his toes”. what you’re an ethical thief now, like an ethical hacker? i don’t think that excuse is going to sell, barbara, on the day you do encounter a decent security system and your father is forced to arrest you.

(then again, gotham’s security is piss-poor. did you know that you could just walk into arkham asylum without any official clearance, ply one of its most dangerous inhabitants with contraband, and said inmate could get away with having an entire laboratory and weapons cache--NO I’M NOT GOING TO LET THIS GO)

3.8 so that flashback between dick and barbara was really cute! and also illuminating:

a) dick sounds so light, so... um. look. i have some apologies to tender to mr thwaites, because while i’ve always thought he does a fine job as dick grayson, i’ve never been terribly fond of his cadence as he delivers dialogue. it’s often monotonous, i thought, but then again, he’s usually delivering exposition or dealing with one soul-crushing crisis or the other. so i was pleasantly surprised to hear dick sound so carefree and alive in his conversation with barbara, laughing frequently, his emotions so bare and bubbling to the surface. it’s really a fantastic contrast to the traumatised and world-weary dick grayson that we see now, even more so than the costume department just bunging a backwards-baseball cap on mr thwaites’ head and hoping that will convince us of his relative youth. 

b) and god, when he wakes up from that memory, all alone in his bed, bleeding from bullet holes in his shoulder (bullet holes that are--in a somewhat convoluted way--barbara’s fault)? yikes. it’s great. you have my apologies, mr thwaites!

c) can you imagine dick just... crawling back to wayne manor, trying not to be seen by anybody, shedding his suit and just... collapsing onto his bed without even tending to his wound? the sheer emotional and physical exhaustion of it? 

d) it’s so interesting to see how barbara and dick approach the idea of legacy--a big theme on the show!--in this flashback. barbara is the one bucking the idea that she should follow in her father’s footsteps, while dick seems pretty content with the batman-and-robin setup, and even tries to get barbara to join their team (robin-girl. pfffft). obviously after this several traumatic things happen wherein dick ends up questioning and then resenting his role as robin, his relationship with batman or even returning as a vigilante at all. and barbara... ends up replacing her father as commissioner. it’s tragic, really. 

e) the dynamic between dick and barbara in the flashback reminds me of how it was between dick and donna in 1.08 and even between kory and dick in early s1. it’s like having an older, strong-willed woman by his side means he gives over the steering wheel for a while and lets himself... unspool, a little bit. it’s kinda endearing.

also:

*pinches his cheeks*

3. you know, we talk about dick and Eldest Daughter Syndrome, and that’s definitely valid, but here gar seems to me the embodiment of it, with all the emotional gardening and firefighting that he’s expected to do. he’s kind of the guy expected to keep his shit together and take care of everyone else while they are falling completely to pieces, unable to carve out time to process his own trauma. he’s also picked up dick’s and kory’s tendencies to bottle up their struggles and shun appearing vulnerable, and he’s struggling in the shadow of both dick and kory undergoing acute crises, his best friend (and frequent confidante) on the other side of the world, and seeing hank die, utterly helpless to stop it. 

i’m glad that he got a chance to tell dick even a smidgeon of what he really feels, and i hope this is at least a semblance of a wake up call for dick to actually sit down and work with the people he repeatedly calls family.

3.5. it’s heartening to see that dick immediately makes it his priority to go talk to gar. but don’t blow off kory in the process, man!

4. i’m really loving this dynamic between kom and conner--i get the idea that both of them consider each other as Unknowns, alien two times over. but conner’s only ever known the titans, who embrace being different, and kom’s only ever known... well. 

anyway, kory is Really Stressed, and honestly? #relatable. 

when you’re forced to bring an estranged family member to hang out with your friends...

4.5. i love that the titans are spending so much time in the kitchen. a real family!

5. jonathan crane is a creep and i absolutely cannot stand him.

5.25. how did he get a whole lab setup (in the basement of a hospital...?) with a bunch of whitecoats to work for him? how did he just waltz into the viewing room of an operation theatre when he’s one of the most wanted men in gotham right now? why is jason wandering around maskless when--presumably--as the adopted son of the most famous person in gotham he’d be a tad more recognisable than your average joe?

why do i expect this show to answer anything anymore?

5.5. that’s not necessarily a criticism, mind; i’ve said since season 1 that titans is very comics-like in this aspect, all about the Aesthetic and the splash-page splendour rather than the niggling unimportant details of how or when the characters got to said location. like. the camera gliding over the operation being set-up, lady vic bursting in and doing her murder dance (imagine the luck of the poor intern who chose this day and this surgery to assist) and jason, shocked and slack-jawed, framed by blood.

5.75. it’s a sobering reminder for jason that, though he chose this path in order to gain control over a world that seemed like it was rapidly spinning out of his grip, he’s only succeeded in handing over even more control to a man with an agenda that is very clearly not aligned with his own. he’s in too far to stop now, though.

5.9. i have a lot more thoughts about jason! saving it up for the end of this recap, though.

6. more kitchen time! i better see dick do some cooking soon...

(”our kitchen”! it still delights me! kitchens are So Important)

6.25. so much of dick’s issues have revolved around his relationship with bruce, so it’s completely understandable that in the wake of a huge crisis where bruce literally asks dick to replace him and be a “better” him, dick would default to all the worst things he learned from the man. and i’m glad kory’s having none of it, but come on, guys. the woman’s literally fetched her fratricidal sister out of a hole in the ground with no idea what said sister is going to do next and experiencing a burgeoning sense of guilt far, far beyond her history with the titans, and dick’s too far into his autocolonoscopy that he can’t see that she needs help.

6.5. “he services your urges”--well, as far as we know, kory is the last person he had sex with...

7. “i hope [gar] isn’t angry with me...” SIR! i thought you’d already spoken to him! smh, as the kids say. kory wouldn’t be needing to reassure you if you just took the effort to build two way emotional relationships with the rest of the team. @superohclair​ was taking about dick’s relatively low emotional intelligence? i agree.

7.5. “i got my own problems [...] you and barbara? fix it.” YOU TELL HIM, KORY

8. man i really like this weird, sad tension between dick and barbara--this sense that both of them are approaching the other based on how they remember them and are ultimately disappointed by the truth. barbara thought she could trust dick to... well, be a better batman, but dick has not only failed at that in her eyes, but repeatedly undermined her while exploiting the authority that she gave him. in dick’s eyes, this is nothing like the barbara that he knew, rebellious and ready to do whatever it takes to find something. 

like. this show sometimes really hits me in the chest about the ways it shows kids grow into adults and into caretakers, and the way it’s stop-start, the ways nothing can happen at all for a long time and then it’s Crisis Central all at once and there’s no space to breathe. the weird sort of sadness that comes with nostalgia. 

8.5. oracle name drop! i agree with barbara, any system that can just randomly tap into gotham phonelines is a monster.

8.7. (i don’t know if it’s my imagination, but is dick holding himself... differently in this episode? like that wound is definitely bothering him, and he’s running on fumes)

9. man, that was a really sweet scene between kom and conner. “feeling alien in your own world”... “not quite here nor there”

honestly this team runs on conner and gar’s faith in their value as a family, and it’s a sign of conner’s generous heart that he extends that opportunity to blackfire. this arc of maturation for him, where he’s now able to consciously choose which parts of himself he can use to do the thing he wants to so--save people--has been so fulfilling to recognise. this baby’s grown with the titans! and what he’s learnt is that people can get fucked up, but the titans is a place where they can be fucked up, and grow.

MY MAN CONNER

10. oh man i’m drinking in the gar-dick interaction in this episode like i’m three days into the desert and it’s the only source of water for miles around!

a) gar is absolutely not dealing with dick’s bullshit this episode and I LOVE IT. it’s such a far cry from the man who was idolising dick/robin back in s1 and expecting him to solve all their problems. dick is fallible, dick is fucked up, but he Tries His Best and that’s ok.

b) dick, huffing and puffing through that vent, unable to put any pressure on his left shoulder, trying to have a heart to heart with gar... fuck i love this asshole. 

c) bruce took in a kid who was suffering... “and made him into a weapon”. well. i absolutely agree with dick that it was bruce who put these kids into these horrible situations with him and they came away with a bucketload of trauma to add to the one that they already had. but we know that bruce was really trying with jason, and at the end of s2, dick was coming to acknowledge that bruce had offered him something that wasn’t just darkness. jason’s death and bruce’s reaction to that shattered that fragile progress.

d) “gotham got to me too.” i feel more sympathetic towards dick running off on his own than most, and it’s not just because i’m an unapologetic stan.  we’ve seen before that dick... devolves when overwhelmed, and he lashes out and makes ill thought out decisions and just Does Not Deal. it happened after hearing the news that deathstroke had returned in s2, and it didn’t help that everyone around him was reeling at the news, either. this time, however, he has his salvation in his family, and despite some stupid decisions like running off and kidnapping supervillains without telling his team, he’s been really on the ball this season. thinking clearly and logically, holding it together and working on a plan, thinking two steps ahead of the villains... yes.

e) gar needing to believe that jason isn’t beyond redemption... there’s a lot of blood on his hands, too, from when he was manipulated by cadmus last season. it makes sense why he’d relate to jason’s predicament, and i hope dick picked up on that.

f) my head just added a plaintive ow after dick jumped feet first into the storage room

i need, crave gifs of this scene!

11. *sits on hands* i’m going to talk more about red hood, i promise!

12. more gar and dick! is it my birthday??!!

(actually, according to the tamil calendar, it is my birthday! my “star” birthday)

12.5. excellent. dick using some implausible training that bruce taught him to solve a mystery? passing some of that knowledge onto gar? that proud smile when he sees gar perfectly execute moves that he taught him? MY HEART IS EXPLODING

13. aw, i love flashback!dick and barbara, they’re so cute <3

13.25. why does it not surprise me that the way he proposes a relationship to barbara is by saying “we make sense”? this guy can deduce exactly who was present where and what weapon they were holding from a garbled audio recording but other times he’s utterly clueless, and that’s a consistent character beat right from s1

13.5. so.... that’s why lady vic has it out for... barbara....? i don’t get it. it’s flimsy. but hey! the fun thing about titans is that i don’t have to get it. the payoff has nothing to do with the plot.

14. i can’t believe that barbara fell for that, but at least that wheelchair fight looked awesome, so.

15. oh yeah, i forgot that red hood bullied the mob into helping him and scarecrow... at least that explains the whitecoats and the elaborate set-up.

15.5. honestly i love how this dynamic between kory and kom is developing, though i wish more of the team would pay attention to it. time to call justin, i think!

16. i wonder what happened after that second flashback where barbara got hurt during that heist. did she give up on doing any more (maybe jim caught her)? was it because dick was called away by bruce and then the titans and got caught up in his own issues? maybe barbara froze him out because she wasn’t looking for the relationship that he was looking for? maybe the idea of doing that with someone turning into batman-lite was just... unappealing? scary?

whatever it is, it doesn’t look like dick ever processed the end of that relationship. it’s very intriguing to see where their dynamic goes next.

17. so.... what, did vic deliver some fear toxin to barbara? i... what?

17.5. and i TOLD YOU that they would never explain that doll or why vic attacked those two cops at the beginning! oh, titans. never change. 

18. did jason just randomly have tim’s restaurant burgled? god, i’m feeling a bit nauseous... are they going to kill tim’s father?

18.25. i feel like the rest of the season is going to wrestle with jason’s culpability in the horrible stuff he’s doing and i’m already seeing that prospect divide fans. on one hand, his story is taking a lot of oxygen away from other equally interesting story arcs, and he’s done some truly awful things, like indiscriminate murder, threatening to kill children, blowing up hank, and potentially killing tim’s parents. 

there’s something to be said for the kind of hold that crane has over him, and the so-called ‘anti-fear’ drug that he keeps plying jason with--he’s alone, drugged almost constantly (to the level of dependence), fresh from the trauma of being bludgeoned to death. he hasn’t conquered fear; he’s ruled by it. on the other hand, given that he’s the one character on the show given an obvious and identifiable ‘mental illness’ arc (maaaaybe dick too), one can argue that it’s irresponsible to show this progress into such violence: jason was vulnerable because he was struggling, and that left him vulnerable, but it took only a push before he became a fucking serial killer.

but that could mean we underestimate the degree of that vulnerability, and the mechanics of this universe where he fell into the clutches of the one supervillain perfectly designed to exploit that vulnerability. that helpless spiral into further and further self-destruction is all too real. it’s valuable to know that someone who has sunk that low can still seek help--actual help--and get it. 

18.5. i don’t know. it’s not a question i’m going to resolve at the end of an overlong recap at 1 in the morning. i don’t believe it’s even a question that titans can resolve. but i am interested in where they’re going next with jason.

19. this episode was genuinely great! i’m pumped for the rest of the season!

#titans #titans spoilers #meta #dick grayson #koriand'r #barbara gordon #garfield logan #conner kent #komand'r #jason todd #jonathan crane #a byronic cupcake #badass strawberry truffle #manic pixie pop tart #a tragic jalebi #this is a 3k+ MONSTER yikes

[miraculousbelladonna]

Look What You Made Me Do

This is some salt inspired by Taylor Swift’s song ‘Look What You Made Me Do’ and @miraculouscontent’s LadyBugOut AU (go read it. it’s AMAZING)

Summary: So maybe she’d let Lila’s stories be true. She’d become what they all already thought she was. She has nothing left to lose. (AO3)

Marinette was sick of Lila. Sick of her pathetic easily debunked lies and convoluted stories.

She was sick of her classmates and her so-called “friends.” Sick of them letting themselves be manipulated. Lila was honest for once when she said she only told them what they wanted to hear, which meant that they wanted to believe the worst of her. They were too quick to turn on her for it to have been anything else.

So maybe she’d let Lila’s stories be true. She’d become what they all already thought she was. She has nothing left to lose.

She showed up to class early, well, early for her. Everyone was already in class, just chatting, a handful of people were clustered around Lila as she told an astoundingly bad fake story about Rihanna promising her she’d name the next Fenty Beauty product after her.

Adrien was sitting next to her, as far away from her as he could be while still physically being on the bench, and he smiled and waved at her as she walked in. No one else did. She waved back, but didn’t smile. She was still pissed about his “taking the high road” nonsense. She knew he was sheltered and naive, which isn’t his fault, but she thought he’d have the grace to admit he was out of his depth when it came to school bullies. At least he offered her support, even if his words ended up really meaning nothing because he never followed through.

She walks towards Lila’s table in a deliberate manner that has everyone clustered around the liar looking and glaring daggers at her. She just shrugs at them and keeps walking, humming to herself, and as she walks by Lila’s table, and her bag on the floor, she kicks it down the stairs, walks to her seat, and waits.

Everyone is gasping and gaping at her. Lila has turned to her, big sad eyes already welling with crocodile tears, already whining in about 3 octaves too high than Marinette wants to deal with this early in the morning, about “Marinette! How could you do that? How could you kick my things away like that?” Cue fake sobs that wrack her body and everyone glaring at her even harder. “I thought you were so nice! I only wanted - I only wanted to be friends!”

“Hmm.” She hums aloud, letting her mouth spread into an easy sharp grin that has everyone stepping back and has even Lila’s eyes widening a little in fear. “No. You didn’t.”

“Girl!” Of course, Alya cuts in. Jumping to Lila’s defense like she used to jump to hers. Same old routine. “I can’t believe you just did that to Lila’s stuff!”

“Can’t you though? I mean, Lila’s been claiming for months that I’ve been bullying her, threatening her, and you’ve never seen me do it, but you believed her, didn’t you?”

Alya sputters with rage at the insinuation. She’s stuttering and spitting and utterly unable to get a single word out, and Nino puts his hand on her shoulder and turns a disapproving frown on Marinette. “Dude. That totally wasn’t cool.”

“Wasn’t it? I was just giving you guys a little proof. You all think I’m torturing the poor girl regardless of what I say, so why not just make her lies be true? It’s what you all expect of me! Especially considering how you’ve been treating me for the past couple of months. You can’t honestly tell me that you’re surprised, because then it would mean you don’t believe Lila and that she is in fact a liar. And we wouldn’t want anyone to be akumatized, now, would we, Adrien?”

Adrien is looking up at her, eyes darting between her and the rest of the class, not knowing what to say. Her gaze hardens the longer he stays silent, and they’re in a silent staring contest now, with Marinette’s smile getting wider and sharper as it goes on. He looks away.

She’s becoming something truly terrifying right before their eyes, and with the startling realization that they don’t know her anymore, the class starts looking around for akumas.

She knows now that Adrien’s word means nothing. It’s too bad she didn’t find out sooner. She sits back in her chair, drops the sharp scary smile, and everyone relaxes minutely. Adrien still isn’t looking at her.

“Oh, but Adrien, don’t worry! If anyone gets akumatized today it won’t be me. Not like you really cared in the first place, though. Am I right? Not about me or my feelings, at least. Anyways, nothing I’m feeling right now is negative enough to risk me getting akumatized, which is more than I can say about everyone else in this class right now. How many times would this be, Lila? Five? Six? Now I know Hawkmoth is a magical terrorist that takes advantage of people’s negative emotions, but I have to say anything more than 3 seems excessive. If I didn’t know better, I’d say it seemed almost like you want to be akumatized. Like you and Hawkmoth have some kind of deal. But of course, I’d never say anything like that without proof.” She spits out the last word like it’s a poison dart, and they all know just who’s heart it’s aimed at. Many of her classmates turn to look at Alya, who has paled and is now sitting in her seat frantically typing on her phone, looking more panicked after every result.

The eerie sharp smile is back on Marinette’s face, but this time, it’s smug. It’s knowing.

At that moment, Mme. Bustier rushes into the room with Mr. Damocles, Sabrina’s father, two uniformed officers, and a frantic and angry looking woman.

Lila pales as soon as she sees the woman come through the door, and she’s standing immediately, about to start spinning her web of lies before anyone can even speak, but Officer Raincomprix speaks over her, walking up to her with an open pair of handcuffs.

“Delilah Rossi. Hands behind your back.” She complies, still confused about what’s going on, still spouting nonsense about how surely it’s all just a misunderstanding, Marinette must have framed her or set her up, you see, she’s always had it out for her, this must be a mistake, but Raincomprix isn’t listening. “You are under arrest for collusion with a known terrorist, and aiding and abetting the aforementioned terrorist. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to speak to an attorney, and to have an attorney present during any questioning. If you cannot afford a lawyer, one will be provided for you at government expense.”

“You can’t arrest me! You don’t have any proof! Even if you did, I’m 15! No judge is gonna believe a bunch of wrinkly old men over a face like this! Besides, I’m the daughter of a diplomat. You can’t touch me. Tell them, mother!”

“Why do you think I’m here, Lila? The police came to me with this information and the substantial evidence against you, and I agreed to give them full cooperation. I have rescinded your diplomatic immunity. You will be punished to the full extent of the law, and hopefully in the process you will learn that your actions have consequences.”

The two uniformed officers all but carry a screeching, screaming Lila out of the class, and they all follow as she’s frog marched out of the building.

It’s when they’re on the sidewalk, about to shove her into the patrol car when it happens. An akuma is flying towards Lila as she stands next to the patrol car, and she lunges towards it. When she misses, when one of the cops grabs her arm again to get ahold of her, she twists out of his grip and runs towards it. She’s screaming “Hawkmoth! I knew you’d send an akuma for me!” She’s so close, and the entire class is split between trying to stop her or running as far away as possible, and then a yo-yo is sweeping through the air and capturing the akuma.

“Come on, Lila. Did you really think I’d let you get away with that again?” Ladybug says after she releases the purified akuma.

Lila is seething, and she lunges one more time, at Ladybug, but both of the uniformed officers have grabbed ahold of her again, so all she manages is spitting at Ladybug’s feet.

“Screw you, Ladybug. You and Marinette are two peas in a stupid pod. You’re both pathetic and fake and stupid. I’ll get my revenge.” The officers are now shoving her into the patrol car and all that can be heard is her screeching, “I’ll get her back for this!”

Ladybug steps up to Officer Raincomprix and Mme. Rossi and says, “I think it’d be prudent to get her out of the country as soon as possible, considering the fact that we’ve all seen just how willing she is to work with terrorists.”

Officer Raincomprix nods and says, “Absolutely. We’ll look into fast tracking her deportation.”

Mme. Rossi cringes and adds, “I’ll pay for it out of pocket if it’ll help speed up the process. It’s the least I can do after my daughter has been terrorizing your country and community like this.”

Ladybug nods and turns to leave, but Alya calls out to her, and as tempted as she is not to, she pauses.

“Yes, Mme. Césaire?”

“Well, I guess it’s kind of obvious from this interaction, but I have to ask, were you and Lila ever best friends?”

“No. We only interacted when I was purifying her akumas, and if she didn’t hate my guts before today, she definitely does now. We were never best friends. We were never even friends nor acquaintances. Which you’d have known, if you bothered to think about anything beyond getting views for your blog and asked me.”

Alya blanched at that, taken aback by the brutal honesty, and hangs her head in shame. “I know. I’ve learned my lesson. I’m sorry, Ladybug. It won’t happen again.”

“Sorry means nothing to me. Your words mean nothing to me. Don’t give me your empty promises. Don’t tell me you’re sorry. Show me you’re sorry. Don’t just tell me this won’t happen again, take steps to ensure it doesn’t. Take down the interview. Do your research. Trust your friends. Listen to them. Mme. Dupain-Cheng was the one who first came to me about Lila’s transgressions, and told me exactly what was happening in her classroom. What you all let happen. Do not ever let me hear about anything like this happening again. Understood?”

She looks up at the rest of the class that have clustered behind Alya while she was talking. “That goes for all of you. You are all on my list. I will be watching all of you, even when you think I’m not. You better not give me a reason to make a visit like this ever again.”

Alya is shocked speechless, and her classmates all look thoroughly guilty and shamed. It sends a thrill of satisfaction through her that almost makes her feel guilty. Key word: almost.

She flings her yoyo up and disappears from view, and touches down in an alley near the school to detransform.

Tikki flies up to her immediately and rests her entire self against Marinette’s cheek in as close to a hug as her tiny body can manage. “Oh, Marinette! That couldn’t have gone better if I orchestrated it myself! You were wonderful! I’m so proud of you!”

Marinette smiles and leans into the hug, heaving a sigh that releases all the tension she’s been holding in her over the past couple of months. She has no regrets. If any, it’s that she didn’t do this sooner.

She walks back into class with her chin up, shoulders back, and ignores every single sympathetic look thrown her way, every aborted wave to get her attention. She is above them all, and she always has been, but she’s just finally realized it.

*****

Her friendship with the class never goes back to the way it was. They’ve shown their true faces now, and she has forgiven them, but she will never forget. She’ll never forget how easily they tossed her to the side for the next shiny new thing. How readily, how eagerly they dismissed and belittled her. How quick they were to use things she told them in confidence, favors she did for them as tokens of friendship, against her. She’ll never forget the years of friendship and trust, something she thought was rock solid, crumbling like sand within a matter of mere months.

No. That trust can’t be built back up. It’s been swept away with the tide. It’s gone. There’s nothing left, nothing to build from, and Marinette doesn’t even want to bother trying. She knows now that it isn’t worth it, that she could never trust any of these people again.

Ladybug makes her own blog, the LadyBugOut, and makes her first post an official announcement that this is the only blog she’ll be endorsing from here on out, and all of the temporary heroes are being retired and will never wield any miraculous again due to things that have occurred in their civilian lives.

She pretends to be appropriately curious about why the majority of her class is down in the dumps the entire week after Ladybug makes her announcement, and tries not to seem too enthused when the views on LadyBugOut rise as the views for the Ladyblog start dwindling … and keep dwindling until Alya is getting tens of likes instead of the hundreds she was used to.

Nothing is ever the same, but that’s ok. It’s time for Marinette, and Ladybug, to move on. To be the hero she was always meant to be.

Now she has nothing holding her back.

#ml salt #adrien salt #alya salt #lila salt #class salt #lila exposed #ml salt fic #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #alya cesaire #tikki #marinette deserves better #my fic

[anotheronechicagobog]

Bulletproofness and Playing God Jay Halstead x reader

written by: @anotheronechicagobog​

requested by @confusedpimp​, I hope you like it!

warnings: swearing, addiction, Hannah Asher is NOT porprayed well in this you have been warned, malpractice, emergency c-section complications, involves Chicago Med episode ‘Do No Harm’, police being idiots and assholes, warrants served incorrectly, drugs, drug dealers, bad neighbourhood created by systematic oppression and gentrification, Will is a prick with issues, and canon compliant violence

A/N: I am very sympathetic and supportive of people who have addictions because not only are there a tone of genetic factors that weigh in on it, but environmental factors that most people have very little to no control over. That being said, I am strongly against people with addictions working in healthcare, first responding, and/or law enforcement who spend most of their time with vulnerable people who don’t have much of a choice about whether to trust them or not. If someone works in an area where they have someone’s life in their hands they cannot be addicted to a substance that will control their ability to make judgements, affect how/their ability to work, and function as a whole.

In the past eight months, a warrant has been served to your apartment twenty-one times. You haven’t done anything wrong, the name on the warrants was always for your upstairs neighbour, did this make being woken up and the fucking crack of dawn and being interrogated (sometimes arrested) any easier? Not even a fucking bit. So you weren’t surprised when at 3:28 am, your door was busted open (again), heard shouts of “Chicago PD!” (again), and heard your house being “cleared” (again). You groaned and sat up, holding your hands up. Your bedroom door was thrown open with a bang. “I am unarmed, Marcus Evans lives in the apartment upstairs, and I have no association to him.” In the blandest voice possible, you recited the statement the legal aid at your university wrote you. “Uh... Sorry? Hey, Sarg, I think I’ve figured out why there were so many unsuccessful warrants on this place.” The blonde man was still pointing a gun at your head, but more members of his unit came to surround him.   

“Can I put my hands down now? I have documents that prove I am innocent, that the warrant was served to the wrong address, again, and that the only connection I have to Marcus Evans is that he is my annoying upstairs neighbour.”

They all sheepishly looked at you. The Latina woman spoke up, “the apartment is clear of anything even remotely illegal. Well, aside from the power lines attached to her box outside that show that her neighbours have been stealing power and internet from her.”

‘Sarg’, an older man with silver hair with a surprised look on his face nodded. “Alright, put ‘em down and get us the papers.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Despite all the evidence that the warrant wasn’t meant for you, they still insisted on taking you down to the station. You refused since they couldn’t arrest you and had no grounds to hold you on, and Sergeant Voight did not like that. “I’m too tired to give a shit about what you want. I have three jobs, student loans, and university to deal with. The only things of value in my apartment are my crappy laptop and internet access. The only time I am ever here is to sleep. You already disturbed what little sleep I was able to get, and I have work in... Forty-five minutes. Just great. Please leave, and can one of you, for the love of all things holy put a note in the system that this is NOT Marcus Evans’ apartment?!” Everyone flinched at your outburst, all looking both sympathetic and annoyed except for Detective Halstead, he just looked very sad for you. “Of course,” he said as he handed you a business card, “if you could call me when you have time, we have some pretty important questions.” Sargent Voight shot him a look, one that clearly said ‘what the fuck are you doing? That’s not your call.’ “Okay. Now seriously, please leave.” Irritated and muttering under their breath, barring Halstead who gave you a smirk and a wink, they all left stepping over the splinters of the door you replaced three weeks before.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day after entering your sparsely decorated apartment, dropping dead on your bed/couch, you heard the distinctive sounds of a door being broken down, followed by the police announcing themselves, and an apartment being searched... Above yours. They finally got the right apartment! Despite the ache in your muscles and bones, you jumped up and cheered. Complete and utter elation surrounded you and your soul. A few minutes into your dancing and celebrating there was a knock on the door. Smiling brighter than you had in years you answered the door. “Good morning detective!”

“Well, good morning to you too, Ms. Y/L/N. You’re in a much better mood.”

“To be fair, you guys busted into my apartment at three in the morning, again, and I just heard everything that happened upstairs, you guys finally got the right apartment!”

“Hey, we never served more than one warrant here.”

“Your unit only served one, but your brothers in blue served twenty-one. Destroying property, unlawful arrest, causing severe anxiety, and just general harassment for eight months. The only reason I didn’t move was because I couldn’t afford to. I’m just happy it’s over now, I’ll never have a  Marcus Evans warrant served at my apartment again!” Halstead looked happy when you opened the door and your conversation began, but when you finally took a breath you noticed how guilty he looked. “I’m sorry.” He whispered, looking like he was in physical pain, before he nodded at you and walked away, leaving you feeling incredibly confused.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two days later you returned from two ten-hour shifts to Jay Halstead in front of your door. “Detective?”

“Please, call me Jay.”

“Alright, Jay, what are you doing here? Is everything okay with Marcus’s arrest?”

“Oh yeah, everything’s fine with that. I came here because of this.” He handed you a large manilla envelope. “What’s this?”

“Compensation. For everything that happened over the last eight months. And apartment listings in better neighbourhoods. Seriously, you need to get out of here, it’s way too dangerous.”

“Thanks for the advice, and the compensation, I’ll think about it. But it just might not be doable for me.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You couldn’t afford to move, something that irked Jay to no end. So he came around often. Dropping by with coffee and Irish breakfasts. Sharing his Netflix password and watching B99 together. Driving you home from work or university when it was late. The days grew shorter, and your hours of work grew longer. Jay worried. About you. About the number of hours you worked. About how much university work you had. About your health, how much (or little, really) you slept and ate, how you didn’t see the doctor as often you should (ironic considering you were in med school), and about how you never took time to relax, always jumping from one task to the next. 

You slumped against the passenger seat of Jay’s truck, exhausted after working for thirty hours straight, ten at each of your jobs. “Okay, seriously, you can’t keep living like this. I have a spare room, I can get you a civilian job at my precinct. You are wearing yourself to the bone. Please, Y/N.”

“I get my residency assignment tomorrow. I quit today.”

“You did?”

“Yes.”

“All of them?”

“All three.”

“And you’ll move out of your apartment?”

“Nope.” Popping the ‘p’. Jay sighed and shook his head, before looking at your half-asleep form. “I’ll take you to the shithole you call a home.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

TWO YEARS LATER

Jumping up and down you waited for Jay to open the door. The envelopes sitting on his coffee table glaring at you. You flopped onto his couch (that didn’t also double as a bed) and huffed impatiently. Fidgeting.

The door opened and you jumped up, startling your best friend. His cop/ranger instincts taking over. He stiffly dropped his jacket and yanked out his gun before aiming it for your head. Panic coursed through you, tightening your chest. Reflexively you put up your hands, not able to control the words that bubbled out of your throat. “I’m bulletproof... But please don’t shoot me.” Jay lowered his gun, laughing. “‘Bulletproof’? Really?”

“Hey, I panicked, shut up.”

“What’re you doing here, anyway? I thought you were taking another shift?”

“I was, but then Sarah’s plans fell through so she decided to take her shift back, plus I got my fellowship applications back!”

“Where did you get accepted?!”

“I don’t know I was waiting for you to get back to open them!”

“Well I’m here now, so open them!” 

“Okay, okay, here we go; Honolulu general, accepted, Seattle Grace, no, but they had a bomb blow up there recently so I’m not heartbroken, Chicago med, yes, and Miami Dade Memorial, yes. Okay 3/4, that’s great! What do you think?”

“Well I’m biased, so Chicago Med, but it would be fun to visit you in Hawaii.” 

“Hawaii is so expensive though, I’d probably have to have a part-time job to make rent.”

“In a decent apartment this time.”

“Two part-time jobs, then. So Hawaii is out, now Miami... It is hot there, beaches, the ocean, the food, but Miami Dade Memorial isn’t very prominent in the research department and the crime rate is awful in the part I’d need to live and work in. I mean I know isn’t a whole lot better but... It would feel a bit like moving from bad to worse, especially on my budget.”

“So that leaves Chicago...”

“It does, but I think I need to find a new place that’s closer to Med and filled with less dug dealers.”

“Please tell me this was a subtle way of asking if you can move in with me.”

“It wasn’t, but now that you bring it up, would that be okay?”

“YES! Oh thank fuck, you’re finally moving out of that rat’s nest! C’mon, let’s go get your stuff now!”

“But Jay I just paid this month’s rent-“

“Let’s gooooooooooo!”

——————————————————————————————————-

FOUR MONTHS LATER

Because your apartment was in such a “great location” (in the same building as three drug dealers) your landlord was willing to give half of your rent back. It had only taken you twenty-something minutes to pack your things and leave. Now you were starting your surgical OB/GYN fellowship, excited to not be working multiple jobs at once for the first time since you were twelve. While Jay’s brother, Will, worked at Med as well he worked in the ED while you worked in the gynecology unit and you were thankful you only had to work together for consults or in an all hands on deck situation because he could be a fucking prick. When you first met him years ago he spent two hours quizzing your medical knowledge, and he got annoyed when you got everything right and he couldn’t correct you. So when you got a consult from him your first week there, you were apprehensive. “Hey Y/N, treatment room four.”

“Thanks, Maggie.” You pushed back the curtain and were met with the sight of a pregnant woman clearly in immense pain and a frustrating ginger. “Dr. Asher is her OB but we can’t find her anywhere. She was on-call but I, and a couple of nurses, and her secretary have been blowing up her phone and we’ve got nothing back. This is her patient Sienna. She’s in a lot of pain but is refusing painkillers, you’ve been working with her a lot lately-“ You snorted. His facial expression hardened. “Just come out and say it Y/L/N.”

“First of all it’s doctor Y/L/N, second of all, I haven’t been ‘working’ with her, I’ve been taking care of ‘her’ patients because she’s almost never at work. She just cancels the appointments short notice and since these women are kind of on a timeline their appointments get reassigned to other doctors. She’s listed as their doctor on all the forms but she’s never even met half of them. Sienna is the only patient that Dr. Asher has seen more than once.” 

“Don’t talk about her like that, you don’t know-“

“That she’s an addict? The entire OB floor knows we just don’t have enough proof to do anything about it. And don’t get me wrong, I know that there’s a lot of genetic components to addiction and I would be sympathetic if she wasn’t responsible for multiple lives at a time on a daily basis.” You turned on your heel and entered the room, done with Will Halstead and his bullshit. “Hi Sienna, my name is Dr. Y/N Y/L/N, and I’ll be filling in for Dr. Asher, I understand that you don’t want any drugs and while that’s fine, if your condition gets bad enough we may have to intervene but we’ll do everything we can for you and your baby, okay?”

“Where’s Dr. Asher? I need her here, she understands!”

“Okay, we’re still trying to find her okay?”

—————————————————————————————————

“So I heard that you and my brother locked horns today.”

“Your brother is a prick.”

“I know that he is, I’m just wondering what happened this time.”

“He’s doing this weird ethical-puppy love-guilt trippy-Romeo and Juliet level of doomed-unnecessary drama-thing going on and it’s completely affecting how he treats his patients. We already had one loose cannon we couldn’t disarm, now we have another. It’s come to the point that I’m genuinely worried about the patients that come into Med, and I don’t know what to do.”

“I’m sorry, I wish there was something I could do.”

“Just try not to antagonize Will, okay? He’s more on edge and that makes him erratic, I would really appreciate it if you wouldn’t make it worse.”

“Okay. I’ll leave him alone.”

“Thank you. I’m starving, what should we do for dinner?”

“Vietnamese is on the way.”

“Have I told you how amazing you are today?”

“Yes, but I would love to hear it again.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dr. Asher’s medical negligence had finally caught up with her, and for once Will wasn’t even remotely involved. He and Asher were having one of their silent spats again when Asher dropped the ball, or baby rather, during an emergency c-section of a patient she misdiagnosed and mistreated because she was in need of a fix. The only reason the mother didn’t hemorrhage and baby didn’t crack his skull was because of your observations and quick reflexes. The baby was healthy and mom was recovering and you were fuming. After scrubbing out you approached the, understandably distressed, father and told him that on your best medical opinion he and his wife should file a malpractice suit for missing an easy and obvious diagnosis, screwing up a routine surgery, and almost killing his son seconds after he was born.

You met with him, his lawyer and Asher two days later in a conference room with Goodwin and Peter the Stressed Out Lawyer. You accused her of having an addiction. The father requested a drug test. Goodwin glared, you glared back. If she didn’t want it handled like this then she should have dealt with it months ago when you brought it up your second week at Med. She tried to approach you in the hall, condescension on the tip of her tongue when you levelled her with a glare so fierce it rivalled that of Godzilla. “You do not get to scold me like I am a child. I told you when I first got here that she has a problem. That she is a danger to everyone who comes into her care. That she is a danger to other doctors. That she is a liability. Do not bitch to me when I told a husband and father who almost his wife and son to her recklessness to sue. To get angry and fight back. Do not take that petty, catty, condescending tone with me because I went around you. You have absolutely no ground to stand on. Because. You. Were. Wrong.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You were surprised you had a job to come back to the next day. So was a very pissed off and ‘heartbroken’ Will Halstead. He kept running around to your colleagues, badmouthing you, trying to get them to join in and turn on you, but that didn’t happen. They not only agreed with you but rallied around you. Doctors are not gods. They do not get to ignore a patient’s wishes or act like they don’t have restrictions and limitations. It came to the point that Will told Jay he didn’t approve of you and that he had to dump you... Despite the fact that you weren’t dating.

Jay had rolled his eyes and pushed Will out of the apartment before giving you a hug and made you pancakes for dinner. “I’m sorry that I messed up your relationship with Will.”

“Don’t be. We’re brothers, we fight from time to time, and sometimes those fights are bigger than others and that’s okay. Will, well Halsteads in general, are pretty good at torpedoing any and all romantic relationships.”

“I’m sure that’s not true.”

“My parents only got married cause my mom got knocked up and fought non-stop, Will was and still is in love with Natalie but he was too controlling, secretive, and refused to tell her about Burke, and me... Lindsay and I were on a break before we left because my Vegas wife refused to divorce me and I didn’t tell her I had even been to Vegas.”

“Okay, so maybe it’s a little true, but it’s not because you’re bad people or  Even just saying ‘yes there’s something going on but I don’t feel ready to talk about it with you’ would go a long way. Cause all you Halstead guys say is that you’re fine but you never are and if you lie to yourself you lie to your partner.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. And tell Will when his head is surgically removed from Asher’s ass. You’ve seen that he follows her around like a puppy, right?”

“Yup, everyone on the OB floor has been talking about it nonstop since he started his whatever it was with Asher.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

EIGHT MONTHS LATER

Because of the suit, the hospital conducted an internal investigation in relation to Dr. Asher that pretty much everyone could confirm. Erratic behaviour and attendance, leaving other doctors to tend to her patients while keeping her name on the case files, and horrifying evidence of being high while working. Granted that had only happened twice and she literally just sat in her office staring at paperwork the whole time. Still, she was fired, the suit was settled, and Asher lost her license. You had destroyed her career and while there was a part of you that felt guilty, you knew that in the end she did the right thing. She refused help and kept carrying on in a way that would have been detrimental to more patients if other doctors hadn’t stepped in. Will still wasn’t talking to you and had started avoiding Jay recently because you two started dating.

Barring the tension from all the Will stuff, your relationship was doing well. You had great dates (both out and at the apartment), were radiating happiness together, and Jay was taking your words about communication to heart. Not once has the phrase ‘I’m fine’ dripped off of his lips. If he didn’t want to tell you something or was more comfortable talking about it with his therapist or Upton before you he’d let you know. Most times he would just talk about what was bothering him, even if it was only bullet points sometimes you both felt relieved that functional relationships were actually possible. 

You were on a date with Jay at your favourite Jamaican restaurant when you ran into Hannah Asher. She did not look pleased to see you and quite honestly you could have lived the rest of your life happily if you never had to see her again. After a few seconds of glaring at you and your boyfriend, an annoying ginger put his arm around her. “Hi Will. How are you?”

“My girlfriend and I are doing well Jacob.”

“Really Will? You’re using my whole name because my-”

“Okay, you know what? Let’s go our separate ways. It looked like you guys were just leaving, and we’re probably confusing our poor hostess. So let’s both just walk away.”

“You ruined my life.”

“Asher-”

“You took everything from me!”

“Do you have any idea how many patients you almost killed in your time at Med? Because I do, and it’s a triple-digit number. You shouldn’t have been practicing in your condition and you know it. So you need to drop the victim act and walk away.” You saw her face contort into complete and utter rage, then everything is hazy. There were lights, bright red ones, and screaming, you were pretty sure Jay was there, and there was... Copper? Why did your mouth feel like it was full of liquid pennies? There was gurgling, was there a baby? Were they okay? You tried to speak, get up, look around, but you were too tired. You were begging yourself to move, to do something, but it felt like your bones turned into melting iron.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You didn’t remember waking up, or falling asleep for that matter, you were just looking at the glass door and suddenly it came into focus. You didn’t even know how you got to the ED, what happened at the restaurant. Dr. Choi entered your room apprehensively. “Y/L/N? How are you feeling?”

“Like I was mauled by a tiger.”

“That’s... Actually pretty close to what happened, honey.”

“Jay?”

“Hey, I’m right here. So, what’s the prognosis Choi?”

“Multiple contusions on the right side of the abdomen, lower back and around your neck, multiple lacerations all over your abdomen, forearms, and two on your head. Your liver was also perforated, we couldn’t stop the bleeding so we had to remove half of it, which you know means it’ll take a couple of months to grow back and you won’t be able to drink for around a year. We’re going to need to monitor you and run some tests, so you’re gonna be here for a few days.”

“Well I should hope so. What? Why are you two looking at me like I have eight heads? I could’ve died.”

“... You actually want to stay in the hospital and be cared for by your colleagues?”

“I trust you, besides I’ll only make things worse if I check myself out AMA, doesn’t matter how good of a doctor I am. It’ll be hard and I’m not going to enjoy it, but I have to stay here and get treated regardless so I might as well be as positive as I can about it.”

“You are officially my favourite patient.”

“And I love you even more.”

“Thanks guys, I appreciate it.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“What happened Jay? I don’t remember anything after telling her to walk away.”

“She went berserk. Attacked you. I tried to pull her off but Will lost his mind, telling me not to hurt her. I managed to toss him after a couple of seconds but I was too late. She’d already slashed you up and stabbed you twice. I grabbed her but she managed to get a bunch of kicks in while I was hauling her away from you all while screaming that she was going to kill you. I’m sorry that I couldn’t protect you. She’s sitting in a cell at the 21st right now with Platt breathing down her neck. We also did a drug test on her, she was high as all hell.”

“Please don’t feel bad Jay, I know that you reacted as fast and did as much as you could. And I know that Will did what he could to stop you. How is Will by the way?”

“He’s in the cell next to hers. He assaulted a police officer and was an accomplice in assault. Voight’s been asking if I want to drop the charges against him because he’s my brother. And I just don’t know, I wanted to talk to you first.”

“I don’t want to charge him. And I don’t want you to press charges either, but I won’t stop you if that’s what you want.”

“I don’t want him to go to jail, I want him to go to therapy. He needs it.”

“I wasn’t sure if I should say anything, but he really does. And I think you need to be the one to bring it up with him. We can do some research, too, and find psychiatrists that have their own practices so that it’s not connected to the hospital at all.”

“That sounds like a great idea, but I think you mean I do the research cause you are supposed to be resting and not doing any physically or mentally strenuous tasks.”

“Fine, fine. Just give Will a hug from me when you see him.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ONE YEAR LATER

The day of the trial had finally arrived and you were pissed off about it. The date of the trial was the same day as your due date. The defence had done everything they could to delay the trial, and when they finally settled on the worst possible day three weeks ago, you’d tried to have it delayed again because you didn’t want to give birth in a courtroom. The defence had convinced the judge to deny it, so here you were, sitting in a sweltering room that smelled like old wood and seventies carpet for five hours beside your husband behind the district attorney doing your best not to glare at the judge. “It’s going to be okay, honey, she won’t get away with anything, it’s cut and dry. The only real thing to do is to determine her sentence.” Jay kissed your forehead and placed his hand on top of yours on your protruding stomach. You winced. “She just kicked again, Jay.”

“That’s seven minutes apart.”

“I’m in labour, we need to go.” Jay nodded to your lawyer who motioned to the judge for permission to speak. “Your honour, my client is in labour, may we adjourn so that she and her husband can go to the hospital?”

“Objection your honour!”

“Ms. Asher, do not interrupt the prosecution. I’ve heard and seen more than enough evidence. Ms. Asher, you are hereby sentenced to twenty-five years in prison for aggravated assault and attempted murder. The court now is adjourned. Oh, and Dr. Y/L/N and detective Halstead? Congratulations.”

#One Chicago #Chicago PD #chicago med #jay halstead #jay halstead x reader #will halstead #Hannah Asher #sharon goodwin

[itsthestutterforme]

Back Home (BAU Team + Blair Redford)

The case that the team was working on was in Atlanta, Georgia, Y/N's hometown. Y/N's ex still works in Atlanta PD and cannot keep his eyes off her. Rossi believes that Y/N has some unfinished business with her ex and encourages her to stay after the cass.

Characters: David Rossi, Blake, Jennifer Jareu, Aaron Hotchner, Blair Redford

--

"Well, well, well, isn't Miss Hotlanta," Morgan teases as I hop on the jet. "Here we go," I say, sitting across from him. "How do you feel about heading back home?" Morgan asks. "Well, I wish it was under better circumstances. But I never get tired of heading home."

"Your entire family are cops, right?" Reid asks. "Yes," "Yeesh, I could only image what what going through your date's head when he found that out." Rossi says.

"Oh my dad made sure of that I didn't have one," I say, making everyone chuckle. "I would be the same way if I had a daughter," Hotch states. "So.. how did you do it?" JJ asks. "Do what?" "Sneeks boys in,"

"A magician never reveals her secrets," I say, crossing my legs with a small smirk perched on my face. "Y/N, you sly dog." Morgan teases. "Oh? Would you like to reveal your tactics, Chocolate Thunder?" I taunt.

"Hey, only I call him that!" Garcia says over the computer. "Simmer down, baby girl. I'm yours and only yours." Morgan flirts. "You better be," she snaps with a smile. "Alright, let's get started." Hotch starts

After the jet lands, the team drives to Atlanta PD. Y/N and the team walk into the Atlanta PD when balloons started popping and horns blew all at once. "Well Back, Y/L/N!" They welcome and Y/N could help the big smile plastered on her face.

Y/N started out as a rookie cop for a decade before applying for the BAU team. Everyone she used to work with swarmed her with hugs and kisses.

Blair, Y/N's ex, introduced himself to the rest of the team while Y/N was occupied. He showed them a room to set up and watched as Y/N smiles widely. She slide herself out of the swarm of people with some garlands wrapped around her neck, a shiny black hat and red lipstick marks on her cheek.

"Blair," Y/N greets as she approaches him. Blair wastes no time lifting Y/N into his arms. "Hey, baby," he belows, his voice vibrating both her chest and his. They hold each other for a moment or two and they both closed their eyes in relief.

"It's been too long," he says as he pulls away from me hesitantly. "Tell me about it,". Y/N tucks her hands in her back pockets and Blair adds, "You look great." "Likewise. You've definitely been hitting the gym." Blair was at a severe battle of wills.

Y/N and Blair ended on a good note but there was so much potential left untouched. Blair was pining after her since high school and nothing has changed. "The team needs me. We'll keep you posted." Y/N says touching his arm once again before leaving.

"There some cupcakes and ice cream in the break room for ya. Courtesy of Jill," "Gotta love Jill, am I right?" "Thank you," Y/N adds before walking into the conference. "Looks like someone was missed," Morgan says, referencing her gettup.

"You talking about her co workers or her ex that is obviously still in love with her?" Rossi asks. "Mmm, both." "Let's just focus on the case, please." Y/N says, sitting down and keeping the garland and hat on her body. Two days later, they catch the unsub and Rossi calls Y/N back for a moment.

"What's up?" "I think you should stay here for a day or two?" "Wh-- are you sure? What if we're called in for a case?" "We'll handle it," "Is Hotch okay with this?" "Yes, you clearly have some unfinished business. Don't let us hold you back."

"But--" "No buts," Rossi interrupts. Everyone packs up their things and Hotch says, "See you in two days." "Call me if you need anything," Y/N calls after them and Rossi says, "We won't!" Y/N huffs as she places her hands on her hips.

She takes a cab to the hotel and checks out before taking her things to her house. Her family greets her with hugs and kisses and of course they bring up Blair. "So have you seen Blair? He looks pretty good, huh."

"Yes, he does." "He's the reason why you stayed, isn't it?" "No, my coworker insisted that I stayed because he claimed that I have unfinished business." "I like this co worker of yours," Mom says.

"I think you should visit Blair," Y/N's sister suggests. "Of course you do," Y/N says, rolling her eyes. "He's always asking asking about you." "Why?"

"Come on, Miss Profile. He's loved you since he knew what love was. Just stop by, that's all I'm asking." Y/N's sister states. "Ugh, fine." Y/N stood up from the couch and walks up the stairs to take her shower. Her sister harassed Y/N as she got ready, I guess that was her special way of saying I missed you.

"You look amazing," Mom says. "Thanks, you don't have to lie tho." "Oh stop," Mom says, nudging Y/N's arm. They embrace one another in a long hug before Y/N leaves to go to Blair's.

Y/N's POV

I walk up the steps and raise my hand to knock on the door and it flings open. Blair rushes out of his house and stumbles right into me. My heels get caught on the first step and I could feel my entire body launching backwards. Blair catches me and pulls me into his chest.

"Y/N, what are you doing here?" "I just wanted go come by and say hi. Where are you going in a rush?" "Uh, the gym. The boys are waiting for me." "Oh, right. I'm sorry, I should- I should've called first." "No, no, I can cancel. It's not every day that I have the Y/N Y/L/N at my door." I couldn't help the blood rushing to my cheeks in embarrassment.

"Are you blushing?" he taunts, taking full advantage over how physically close we were. "No," I bite my bottom in nervousness. "Tsk, tsk, you were a bad liar then and a bad liar now." He tucks a few hairs behind my ear and traced his index finger along my jawline. He pulled my lip from underneath my teeth with his thumb.

"What are you doing?" "What I've wanted to do for years," he says against my lips. "Take me inside first?" Seconds later, he lifts me up and wraps my legs around his waist. He carries me inside and kicks the door closed.

My back is pressed against the door as he attacks my neck with kisses. He sucks on the nape of my neck and pulls away to take off my dress and bra in one swift motion.

I cross my ankles behind his waist to make sure I don't fall. He cups my breasts into his hands and rub the sensitive buds with the pads of his thumbs. I rest the back of my head against the door as my mouth falls open.

My back archs as he takes one nipple into his mouth while rubbing the other with his thumb. I pull his head away from my chest and press a series of kisses on his lips.

Our lips move in perfect sync and my body became warmer with every kiss. He carries me into his room and he gently sets me on the bed. He nudges me on my back and settles himself between her legs.

I could feel his bulge pulsating against my thigh and when I reach down to touch him, he holds my hand. "My focus is on you right now, baby." "But--" "No buts," he presses painfully slow kisses down neck.

He moves down to my chest and slides his hands into my underwear. He moans as he feels my dripping folds. "Fuck, Y/N," he sinks two fingers into me and my hips lifts from the bed. He fingers matches the pace of his kisses down my body, painfully slow. "Oh come on, baby, please move faster," I beg as I buck my hips against his fingers.

"Don't tempt me. You know what happens when I lose control," "Yeah, it was the best sex I've ever had," "You also had bruises all ov--" I wrap my hand around his throat and lean in go press a hot kiss on his lips. "Fuck me like you hate me or I'm leaving," I whisper against his lips.

His eyes pierce into mine and my heart races with excitment. "Go get the rope," he commands.

**

The elevator dings as I reach the first level of the BAU. I walk with an uncontrollable pep as I sip on my coffee that I put in my thermos. I had to wear a long sleeve turtleneck for obvious reasons.

Blair's favorite chain that he gave me, perches on my chest. I walk up the steps to the conference room and all of the conversations came to a halt.

"Don't stop on my account," I say as I sit down between JJ and Blake. "You look vibrant," JJ starts. "Interest choice of words," I say. "Oh look at that, she's glowing," Garcia says.

"Oh my God, guys, please," "You should to Atlanta more often," Morgan taunts. "So help me, Morgan." "I knew it was a great call to convice you to stay." "You know you're never going to live this down, right?" Morgan states.

"Right," I repeat. "Let's get started," Hotch says as walks into the room. "Y/N, glad you could make it." Hotch says with a small smile tugging at his lips. "No, not you too." "Now I know exactly where to send you to.. unwind," he adds. "For the love of God,"

#blair redford #blair redford fanfiction #criminalminds #bauteam

[thatfanficstuff]

Impossible - 5

Pairing: Eric Northman x Reader

Warnings: Nope

A/N: It’s Eric day! Sorry it was just a little delayed.

***

By the time you pulled into the parking lot at Fangtasia, the lack of sleep was catching up with you. A glance at the time showed you still had almost two hours until sundown. Hopping out of your truck, you made a beeline for the door. You tried the handle just for the hell of it and found it unlocked. You let yourself in and frowned at the blonde that appeared from a back room.

“Who are you? You can’t just come in here.” The shrill edge to her voice made you wince.

Lovely. “Actually, I can because you left the door unlocked. Stupid.”

Her wide eyes stayed glued to you as she hustled past you to flip the lock on the door. “You need to leave.”

“Not here to cause any trouble. I just need somewhere to crash until Eric shows up. The couch I saw the other night should do nicely.” You stepped toward the room you’d spoken to Pam in. It had all appearances of being Eric’s office which meant the sofa would be long and comfortable.

The woman stepped in front of you and gestured toward the door. “Get out or I’m calling the cops.”

You laughed. “Eric would skin you if you called the cops to come to his club.”

She huffed and stomped a foot. “Fine then. I’ll call the vampire cops.”

You blinked at her. “Jesus, lady. How many times have you been glamoured exactly?”

“What?”

You gripped her arms and moved her to the side. “I am going to go sleep in Eric’s office. When he gets here you can tell him I overpowered you. Keep it down until then, would you? I’m exhausted.”

***

You heard Eric before you saw him. You’d been dozing on and off with an arm draped across your eyes.

“There’s some girl in your office. She wouldn’t leave,” the blonde you’d encountered earlier said loudly, probably the moment he walked in the door.

“And why did you not make her leave?” Eric sounded bored and you had the feeling he’d had similar conversations with the woman before.

“She overpowered me.”

Footsteps approached the door and you stayed just as you were. Maybe everyone would leave you be and you could get a little more sleep. Unlikely but possible.

The door opened and you felt Eric’s gaze run over you like a physical thing. “I’ll take care of it, Ginger. Just make sure we’re ready to open.”

He stepped in and shut the door being surprisingly quiet. Especially since he could tell you were awake by your breathing and heartrate. There was no way you were getting more sleep with him in the room. Not until you were certain he wouldn’t use the opportunity for retaliation at any rate. “You know, if you glamour that girl any more she’s going to start drooling.” You stayed as you were, unwilling to move just yet.

Eric huffed a laugh. “She’s a very loyal employee.”

“Mmhmm. Whatever you say, Eric.”

There was a beat of silence. “I didn’t expect you to be here.”

“You told me to be.” Anyone else you would have ignored and forgotten about considering everything that happened, but not Eric.

“That was before I received your phone call last night. And since when do you do as I ask?” There was a teasing tone in his voice and your heart beat faster.

This was your Eric. The Eric that you’d fallen in love with and that had fallen in love with you. “Why aren’t you being an asshole?” Your voice sounded more timid than you would have liked but there was nothing to be done for it now.

“I spoke with Godric.”

You lifted your arm to glance at him then put it back. Too much light. “I take it he confirmed what I told you.”

“Of course. I am still bothered you kept the truth from me, but I am willing to set that aside.”

You took that as your cue to sit up. If you were going to have this conversation with Eric, you wanted to do it while you looked him in the eye. You raked your hands through your hair though you doubted that you had mussed it much during your short nap. “How generous of you to be willing to set aside the fact I didn’t do anything wrong in the first place. Why are you always so…” You gestured at him. “You?” You supposed there were better ways to interact with the vampire but he always seemed to say exactly the wrong thing where you were concerned. If you weren’t so certain it frustrated him just as much as it did you, you would accuse him of doing it on purpose.  

Instead of responding to your question, he went very still and his features grew tight. He was furious and you had no idea what you had done to warrant that look. Surely your smart mouth hadn’t irritated him that much. He reached out and grasped your chin to turn your head to the side. He traced his fingers over the left side of your face, his touch surprisingly gentle. “What happened?”

You frowned. “What?”

“You’re bruised. When I spoke with you last night you told me that you were fine. So, when did this happen and who did it?”

You jerked your hand up and covered your cheek where Jason had hit you. You’d grown accustomed to the dull throb and had mostly forgotten about it. Damn it. At least it wasn’t you Eric was angry with for a change. “It’s not a big deal. Emotions were running high and things got a little out of control is all. I handled it.”

“All of that is very interesting but not what I asked. Who. Did. It?” His voice was no louder but his tone was sharper. He moved to sit beside you on the couch so he no longer towered over you.  

You sighed as you turned to face him fully. “And what are you going to do if I tell you, Northman?”

“I simply wish to have a discussion with him about touching that which doesn’t belong to him,” he said as if he was always perfectly reasonable and level headed and you shouldn’t have presumed he would be otherwise.

“Pretty sure he got the message when I bounced him off the side of his truck.”

The corner of his lips kicked up. “You always were rather capable. It was one of the many things I always admired about you.” He shifted his body to sit properly and draped his arms along the back of the couch. “So, what happened last night?”

You sighed and slumped in your seat suddenly feeling exhausted. “Sookie’s grandmother was murdered. It looks like it was the same person killing everyone else in town, which is good I guess because Bon Temps is too small to support two serial killers.” You ran a hand down your face. “It was brutal, Eric. She was a good soul. She deserved better.”

He hummed and you weren’t certain if it was just an acknowledgement or if it was an attempt at comfort. “What do you know about this killer?”

You shrugged. “Not much. He seems to be targeting fang bangers. Local cops want to blame Bill just because he’s a vampire. So they’re about as competent as you’d imagine.”

“What about the person that hit you? They obviously have control issues.”

You closed your eyes and shook your head. “I’m not going to slip up and accidentally say his name, Eric. Nice try though.”

He lifted a brow and gave a small tilt to his head as if to say he tried. Before he could say anything, the door opened drawing your attention. Pam stepped inside and gave a slow, sultry smile when she caught sight of you.  “Well, hello there.”

Eric sighed. “Pam. What do you need?”

“Longshadow says there’s an issue with the liquor distributor. You need to deal with it.”

“And you cannot?”

She shrugged one shoulder.

“Very well,” Eric said as he stood. “Y/N, I will return shortly.”

You got to your feet as well. “Actually, do you have somewhere I can change? My clothes are in the truck.” You’d neglected to bring them inside mainly because you weren’t certain you’d be sticking around. But you weren’t about to pass up the opportunity to spend time with this Eric. You’d missed him.

He grinned. “It would be my pleasure to have you naked in my office. Feel free to change here.”

Pam rolled her eyes. “There’s a room down the hall for the dancers. Even has a shower if you’re so inclined.”

“Thanks, Pam.” You patted Eric’s shoulder as you passed by him. “Nice try, Northman.”

***

By the time you had a conversation with Pam, took a shower, and got yourself ready, Eric was already holding court. You ran your hands over the length of your favorite little black dress making sure everything was in place before stepping out of the office. Your gaze immediately found Eric on his makeshift throne. His attention was on the man beside him as they had a quiet conversation and you took the opportunity to run your eyes over him.

He’d slipped a jacket over his black tank which made him look more professional. Regardless of what he was wearing, he looked every inch the Viking king he should have been. As if he felt your eyes on him, his head turned and his eyes locked on yours. He silenced the man beside him with a wave of his hand and leaned toward you. He didn’t even attempt to hide his blatant admiration and as his smile widened, you saw a hint of fang in it.

He beckoned you forward and you wove through the crowd until you stood in front of him. “You summoned me?”

His tongue darted out to lick his lips then ran over his teeth as his gaze flicked over you once more. “You look delicious.”

You shook your head though you couldn’t help a little smile. That always was his favorite compliment. “Thank you.”

He leaned back in his seat. “Join us, Y/N. Stewart here was just telling me about all my failures as a sheriff.”

You stepped up on the stage as the other man protested Eric’s words. Before you could take the chair to his other side, Eric softly grasped your wrist and tugged you down onto his lap. You immediately moved to stand and his hand settled on your waist, holding you in place. He traced his nose along the column of your throat as he moved his mouth to your ear. “Stay.” His lips brushed your skin as he spoke and a shiver ran through you at the intimacy.

It had been a long time since you’d found yourself in this position and as much as you wished to simply enjoy it, there was too much that needed to be said between the two of you. Before you could move, Eric spoke again. “Please.”

You relaxed against him and supposed that answer enough. You turned your attention to the other man who was watching the two of you with far too much interest. “Now, what was it you were saying, Stewart was it?”

Eric tightened his hold slightly before turning his attention to the other man as well. “Yes, Stewart. Continue.”

“Well, as I was saying, there are matters that really should be addressed. The Authority does not take kindly to lax enforcement in their regions. I’m afraid they will be most disappointed when I file my report.” You tilted your head and looked the man over. He wore a cheap suit and straightened his tie nervously as he avoided meeting either of your gazes. “Of course, I could be persuaded to ignore some of the more grievous failings.”

“What do you think, Y/N?” Eric asked you. “Should we give Stewart here what he deserves for such an offer?”

You rested your head against his shoulder. “Oh, certainly. You know it’s funny that I was just speaking to my father about this area and he happened to mention that the sheriff runs a tight ship. One of the few areas he didn’t have to worry about I believe he said. The irony, huh?”

Eric grinned. “Indeed.” He looked at Pam and nodded his head once. A moment later two large vampires were on stage grabbing the man.

“Wait!” he protested. “I thought we’d reached an understanding.”

“We have.” Eric waved his hand and the protesting man was led away by the two thugs that were doing a remarkable job of appearing they were just taking him for a walk.

Eric’s fingers pressed into your hip and you lifted your head back to look at him. “We need to have a conversation about this.” You gestured between the two of you.

He hummed in agreement as he pushed your head back to rest on his shoulder. Later. You could talk about it later.

#Eric Northman x reader #Eric Northman fanfiction #True Blood Fanfiction #Eric Northman x you #series #impossible

[alexandraswritingblock]

The hardest thing I’ve ever had to write

May 22nd, 2020 

(I wasn’t able to post anything else because I had been stuck on this for over a month. I had to be honest with myself if I was to continue writing and sharing. So. Here. This is a bit heavy but lighter pieces will be posted soon.)

Been hiding through it all Hiding through this time Pain too much to take Numb it all to feel fine Too ashamed to admit-

My own sibling The one I love, supported, protected And forgave- far too many times Once again lost control And could’ve-no. Would’ve ended my life If they didn’t restrain him.

How the fuck am I supposed to feel? They begged me not to call the cops- Begged me not to ruin his future- And I wondered if mine even mattered. How do I put this into words that turn the pain into something More meaningful? How can I still get kinder, braver, stronger When I’m constantly pounded, stuck in this place I cannot leave- surrounded by them who claim they love me As if love was supposed to be so destructive.

Tossing me to a stranger’s place on the same day Where I actually felt safer if only a couple days Like an abandoned stray I know some of it was to protect me But I felt like I was given away.

My father still tells me it was my fault, For I should’ve taken it all in like a block But I wonder when it became my job To be the punching bag for their pain so only they could happily live.

How do I not leave myself lying on the floor Lying, tears all dried up, soul screaming and crying Lying about how I’m okay shoving it all in my heart When all I wish for is that I had a safe place to be able to? But I have none for now and so I refrain Maintain composure and calm, I smile. I numb the pain.

Instead, forcing myself to Work through the day Living Whilst they constantly try to rope me into their sick little game Of pretending that nothing happened.

I go on each day, no time to grieve, fighting for life, fighting to live. The only souls I tell are the ones Who at least know my truth Friends keeping me from going crazy because My family acts like it didn’t happen. Telling me I should apologize to my brother when the very Seams holding me all together were about to break And there they tell me I need to continue sacrificing and forgiving She says, for my sake Or if it truly for his? I break. The cracks didn’t even have time to dry And they tell me to do it for my sake. But in truth I know it is for theirs.

Whilst the memory etches deep with metal scratches Upon the hinges of my brain smelling of iron and ashes- The cracks, feel familiar.

I don’t want to be the victim. I don’t want to be a victim.

My friends, kind strong souls give me time, Gave me their hand even when it was full With the weight of things of their own So why the fuck am I still complaining Why does it hurt so much to write this Why do I feel so much shame? Why the fuck am I so reluctant to put this out When this was the only place I could let everything out? The only place where I shared all I felt where I found friends and kind souls old and new. When this was the only place I could write all my truth?

Some truths I wished I never had to wake to. I can handle an abusive father who doesn’t give a shit Lying, cheating, beating. The same one who sees value only in money or superficial things. Leaving all of us in the dark pits that looks like a fucking castle I can handle trying to save my mother still strong after years of being abused, that intense pain when I see damaged hinges But he tried to fucking kill me. Then still insisted it was my fault, that I triggered it As if my breathing, my existence warranted violent physical assault When certain conditions didn’t meet his.

They still tell me to act like all is fine Whilst I keep it all together Trying not to hate Suppressing my own darkest thoughts For not tainting my soul’s sake?

What else can I do But continue to fight and walk the path that I choose to I’d be lying If I said my heart* didn’t harbor any disgust or hate But I choose not to walk down that path I’ve been hurt enough and I don’t want To continue adding more suffering to things I cannot control.

I accept my reality now. After years of being broken again and again I accept there are things that I cannot and never should have had to  Mend. This is not worth dying for. So with legs still shaking,  With every breath, I try to stand. There are days I fall and can’t get up but I won’t stop trying. I’ve stopped taking things into my hands. Instead, I start to bandage the wounds. Its true- I no longer care or trust as much as I used to.  But the loads have lightened and I finally feel more real To whom should’ve mattered before I put everyone else above-  To me. I’m sorry. I finally know how to be true to you. 

L.Y.S.S

Copyright © 2020 L.Y.S.S  

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