#why would i stay where i am not appreciated or valued or even wanted

[ghoulibrat]

Hey lovely bebs, so in an unfortunate turn of events i now have 30 days to find a new living space for me and my son. I'll be spending the next couple days uploading to my fansly, setting up my fetlife, and all the links n stuff to raise funds for moving expenses ♡ I will also be selling all my art so if you're curious about any of that just DM me!

P.s. keep in mind i don't have a laptop all of this is done on my phone so i sowwy for the qualities in advance (once i get stable n secure i plan on building a whole cute setup....♡)

#ghoulibrat #ghoulirants #prsnl #diary #its a little less than 30 days now #but some positives are i start my new job and training for that next week so fingies crossed #but im also heartbroken. ... #mourning a relationship that i poured into for 7 years...and this is how he chooses to end things #that shows a lot about his character and it hurts #but it comes down to i finally have enough self worth and love that i cant do this anymore i want to leave now i need to leave now #why would i stay where i am not appreciated or valued or even wanted #nah nah nah #oh hey im venting in the tags sorry pls dont read these lmao #oh to be a mom #this isnt a mutual aide post btw its just for the moots on here who care/actually like me? wild ikr

[potionpeddlerpatchy]

word count: ~18.2K

paring: God!Shinso x f!Nymph!Reader

warning(s):  dubcon, marking, slight impact play, somnophilia, oral (f!recieveing), creampie, gods as always being manipulative and cruel.

authors note: hello there, I know I promised this much sooner than it is being granted but as I am sure you can see by the word count, this kind of got away from me. This is actually a sequel to Plucked Flower! And when I was discussing with the lovely @/melodramaticmura about who would be which god, it seemed rather appropriate to have Shinso be the god of sleep. And well, I wanted to make a stand-alone fic of that, perhaps even make a series on it, but it was too tempting to have him steal away Sero's prized nymph so here we are. So please, let Shinso guide you into a peaceful slumber~ 🔮

A long time ago, Gods ruled the world.

Everything that the mortals could see, touch, and know were all controlled by the Gods who blessed them with their divine skills and talents. But, over time, the mortals became more dependent - more greedy - with their reliability on these seraphic creatures. As the demands of the mortals they created, and thus cared for, grew to be overwhelming and abundant, they knew they could not stay within their mortal plane any longer; for they were meant to be treated as divinities, not as servants.

And for once, in a rare moment of solidarity, the Gods worked alongside each other to create a home for which they could call their own; an empyrean realm that only they could have access to, which contained all the splendors known to man and even more. A dwelling where they can find peace and tranquility, and to be finally removed from the demands of the mortals; to finally have the undivided devotion they so craved. For it much easier for a mortal to obey the wishes of a God, if they came they came down to them in a beacon of light and gold.

Serve away they did, the mortals, tending to their temples and bringing forth gifts upon their alters; all the while they would lavish in their heavenly realm of gold and marble, to feast upon delicacies, to relish in the prosperity that the mortals provided to them, and indulge in one another; especially if that indulgence was at the expense of a mortal, to provide them with the vanity and sense of superiority they wished to continue to grasp onto.

Through all this splendor, however, it was easy to grow bored. Hanta, like most Gods, grew bored.

For a God could never cherish anything for too long. An immortal life always paired itself with dissatisfaction; for how could a God truly value anything if they did not have a finite time to have it? How could they enjoy splendor if they have not known poverty? How could they value life if they could not know death? And how could they appreciate anything, if all they wanted was more?

Living forever took the beauty of life away. All the love and heartbreak seemed so meaningless after a while when one could find no reason to hold onto it, that in time it could be replaced by a new adventure, a new thrill, and a new body to make claim to. Why keep something when you could easily abandon the old, and seek out something new? 

And despite the many claims he so sweetly whispered within your ear, the many reassurances and acclimations of love, Hanta finally grew bored of you.

You knew it was bound to happen; there truly was only so much a nymph can do to claim the interest of a God. You knew the thrill he found, the infatuation he grew of you, was within the chase of claiming you for himself; the cat-and-mouse game he so perfectly cast and you so perfectly played into was the thrill he wanted within that moment. 

Of course, there was the thrill after he caught you. How he laid you upon his bed day in and out and claimed his prize in any way he could; whether that be with sweet words, soft kisses, warm and gentle caresses, or have you on your knees to worship his aching cock, to then have it drag in and out of your tight hole as you scream his name for the heavens to hear.

It was to fill his ego, to have the most prized and beautiful creature to claim as his own. To have complete and utter control held over you, the utter and undiverted devotion that he pulled from you constantly as you obeyed and worshipped him however he pleased. To relish in, not only your body but the jealousy of the Gods around him as they grew envious of his little pet.

And once he lost interest, once his fellow Gods grew unbothered and uncaring of his treasures, he would find some other way to gain a boost to his ego; regardless of the feelings he may hurt along the way.

You had to give him credit though, it took him much longer for him to lose interest in you than what every other god that filled the heavenly realms, and even yourself, thought. Many said a few weeks, some said a few months, and you thought perhaps a year. Though it was hard to tell given the way time seemed to matter little the more you stayed there, how it moved so quickly and yet not at all at the same time, to say how long before he lost interest but it was certainly longer than a year.

It was gradual too. Slowly, but surely, he left you alone in that small portion of the heavens he carved out for you. What started with him parting from you earlier some mornings, thus leaving the giant bed he shared with you empty, turned into every morning as you would reach for him only to be met with cold silk and loneliness to sink to your heart. And soon, those daily visits he would give to you so diligently, to allow you some much-needed company as you staved away your boredom, soon started to wane. How he used to share his meals, his laughter and companionship, started to bore him and consequently, he began to leave you with small scraps that were left behind the day before as he neglected yet another meal, and as the weeks progressed, leaving you hungry altogether. 

Though despite all of this, he would still return to you at night; to lull you to sleep in his arms and whisper those sweet nothings into your ear until you fell into a blissful sleep. And it was when he stopped arriving in your bed at night that you knew he no longer cared for you. That those declarations of love were truly just empty words so he could use you as he saw fit, like many a god to a nymph before him. Now leaving you to try and find a semblance of peace all alone in a place you did not belong.

You had no other forms of company either for the other gods barely acknowledged you. Some were spiteful that you would tarnish their realm and way of life by simply existing there as if it was your fault you were placed there. Others tolerated you, though they preferred your silence, wanting merely to look at you and nothing else. Others… they wished to have you in more carnal ways; falsely putting on kind airs only to lure you into their trap - much like Hanta - though luckily none was able to do anything untoward before Hanta intervened; but now you knew not to trust them, and to avoid them altogether.

After Hanta abandoned you, you were left alone to fend for yourself. Granted the small piece of heaven that was made for you was beautiful, and gave you some semblance of peace knowing you would not be bothered here - to which you were eternally grateful to Hanta for such a gift - it left you more lonely than you had ever been in your life. Moreso than when you were cast out from your forest of birth by your fellow Anthousai and forced to find a home, and sisterhood, by yourself.

Because through those trials of loneliness and rejection, you did find a sister. One that loved you, that built a home with you, that kept you company in the best and most nurturing of ways; a companion you adored with your whole heart. And one you were tricked to abandon to come here. 

For as lonely as your life got, at least you had her. Here, you had nothing.

You thought of her often, and the memories you shared together, as you lay upon the clouds of gold and splendor alone and unwanted. Thoughts of her made your lonely days more bearable as you reminded yourself of a time when you were wanted, where you were loved, and where you felt happy and fulfilled as you remembered the bouts of laughter shared between the two of you.

Though Nymphs were ageless, they could die in the mortal realm or transform themselves into the nature they were born to nurture. But here? You had no such release, bound to live amongst the gods until the end of days. And as they progressed, you couldn’t help but worry about your sister; you were safe, but was she? Was she still around in your little home within the mountains? Or was she now gone, lost to the passage of time? 

Your worry grew tenfold when, one morning, you tried to remember her face and couldn’t. She was the only thing that tethered you to happiness in this cruel world you found yourself in; the only thing that brought you warmth as you were surrounded by coldness. Your heart could not help but sink with dread as you frantically tried to think of her face. You had to, for she was the reason your sanity was still intact. She was the reason your heart had not broken fully.

You couldn’t help but weep for weeks on end as you slowly realized you were forgetting her.

You knew you could not sit idly by and let this happen to you; to allow these cruel creatures to break your spirit out of amusement. You had to know, had to remember, for it was all you had left; and you were going to cling to it, to fight for it, for all eternity if you had to.

So you waited, with determination blazing your heart and mind, for the God - the man - who caused all of this. Knowing that at some point he will show up and grant you a visit. He would do so every now and then, seemingly almost out of obligation like an owner would for a pet they cared little for. You knew then, you could ask him for a favor.

~

It was hard to tell how long it had been, how long you had been waiting, but finally, the day had come when you were granted a visit from the winged God; the flapping of his wings signalling you, and thus filling your body with hope, as you heard him approach. Scrambling you got to your feet, unable to hide your excitement as you stood, as you waited with bated breath for him to appear.

Hanta brought with him a tray of food, many delicacies that the Gods would indulge in, ambrosia and wine, you were unsure if this was a way for him to apologize for leaving you for so long without a meal, but the proud smile he garnered on his face when he approached you was clear he felt like he was providing you with a gift.

And though you wished to scowl at him, wanting to allow him to know how unfair it was for him to leave you with little food and company, you knew you had to be your usual sweet self if it meant allowing you to get your way. 

You welcomed him with open arms, clinging to him tightly as you knew he loved for you to do, as you babbled sweetly on how much you missed him, nuzzling your face into his chest as a sign of utmost affection.

You could feel him chuckle before the deep and mirthful sound could fill your ears, as he brought a hand to pet your hair “I miss you too, my beautiful flower.”

His gentle petting of your hair turned into gentle tugging, clearly wanting to have your part so he may rest and enjoy the meal he brought; guiding you gently to do the same and he passed you a goblet of wine; deep purple in colour a far cry from the strawberry wine he used to give you.

You sipped it gently as you listened to him regale tales of what had befallen him while he was away, some excuse as to why he could not visit you before now, as he indulged in your quiet devotion. Though after a while, noticing your lack of enthusiasm or want to partake in the glorious meal, he grew a little concerned as he leaned over towards you to pet at your cheek.

“What is wrong, my sweet love?” Hanta asked of you, moving to push a few strands of hair away from your face “You do not seem yourself.”

You found yourself bashful over his sweet gesture, almost surprised that he still held some tenderness for you. With a timid smile, and huff of a laugh you shook your head “No, no, nothing is wrong.”

“I can tell when you are lying, love” Hanta smiled back, ducking his head to look properly at your face; finding your reaction to him filling his sense of pride. “So please, indulge me”

You took the line he was casting, knowing now would be the only time you could possibly have to pluck the courage to ask him; shyly looking back at him as you tried to find the words, forever grateful for his patience as he looks upon you with tender eyes as he waits for you to speak.

“I was just wondering…” You finally began, “Seeing as I have a few myself these past few nights, if… if you gods ever dream?”

Sero scoffed at you, finding your question as silly and innocent as you were, tone almost condescending as he leaned down closer, a hand continuously stroking your cheek. “Oh my dear, of course we don’t. A God has no need for such childish things as dreams, those are silly things we made for mortals to keep them happy.”

You cannot help yourself from turning your eyes downcast at his almost brutal condescension. Taking a moment to compose yourself before you batted your lashes up at him; your wide and sad eyes a weakness you knew to be his when it came to you, as you asked him again, “Hanta, surely there are times when they are needed, even for a God. If what you say is true, if gods have no need for dreams that mortals do, then there is still a need. Therefore there is a God who provides these, and thus can help another God if needed.” 

Hanta began to draw away from you, clearly figuring out where you were trying to lead the conversation. His eyes could not help but turn darker as jealousy began to cloud his vision of your wanting to seek out another god, as his grip upon your head grew tighter. “You want this God, is that it? The God that provides you these sweet dreams, you want him in your bed?”

You tried to shake your head as best you could, wincing at the slight pain he was now causing you, whimpering out weakly, “No, not at all! I only wish for you to warm my bed!” 

“Then why are you asking me about him?” Hanta could not stop his voice from turning dark, not at all enjoying the fact that you would want to seek another god for any reason; were you truly ungrateful over all that he had done for you that you would find it inadequate?

Though you were not wanting to engage in his wrath, you could not help but become a little elated over the fact that there was a God of Sleep; and Hanta knew of him. But if you ever wished to find him, to be allowed to move freely to do so, you would have to calm, and flatter, the God before you.

“Because I need aid with my dreams,” you whimpered out, eyes turning glassy as they begin to fill with tears - another weakness you knew Hanta to have and for you to exploit. And you almost wanted to smile, to drop the act, at how quickly it worked.

You could see his eyes soften, his grip loosening, as he scanned your face; his other hand coming up to cup your other cheek as he began to fawn over you in concern. “Why? Have you been plagued with nightmarish vision? Have they hurt you?”

You shook your head, though it clearly was not enough to reassure him as his hands continued to stroke your cheeks in a calming manner. You knew you had him in the palm of your hand, as you allowed a few tears to fall from your eyes.

“Then why do you need to seek the Sleep God, my love?” He asked, voice still gentle as he looked down upon you, wanting nothing more than to cease those tears from falling.

“So I can remember my sister!” You blubbered out, and though the tears were falsified before they became honest and true as you reminded yourself of your sister; how the thoughts of forgetting began to cause those tears to fall more freely and stain your delicate face.

“Please, I left her behind for my love for you was stronger. I cannot help but miss her, and if I cannot go to the mortal realm to see her, then I wish to dream of her.” You choked out, as you grabbed hold of his hand, kissing his palm to try and sweeten him and his ego further. “Please Hanta, if you love me as you claim to do, you will allow me this small gift.”

Who was he to refuse you? His good, and obedient nymph. He couldn’t, not when you looked at him so sorrowfully. With a nod of his head, he pulled you into his arms, shushing you as he kisses the crown of your head. 

“Do not cry, my love. I’ll take you to him.” 

~

Though the heavenly realm proved to be a gift above all else, it was not shared equally amongst those that built it. Those whose gifts were heavily tied to the mortals, that dealt with the macabre that their lives would bring, were looked down upon by those whose talents were more serene. It was easier, and more harmonious, to live amongst those that gave love and song than those who had to deal with death and sorrow.

So they were banished to a realm seldom visited unless a favour was needed; a realm filled with darkness that lacked the treasures from above; the Underworld.

Hanta kept you close as you made your way down into the depths of the depressive world, carrying you within his arms and tucking your head into his chest to spare you from the horrors that await a long journey such as this. Needing to protect you, his precious flower, from a dangerous place such as this realm proved to be; a venture no nymph should find herself in, but he was willing to do this for you to cease the sorrow that had befallen you. At times, you yourself couldn’t help but whimper as you clung even tighter to his tunic as the wails of lost souls made your heart stutter with fear.

Soon his wings fluttered to a stop, gingerly setting your feet upon the damp ground, before a cavern-like area. The dark obsidian that lay jagged, almost broken, surrounded the open entrance of the cave and made you question if you should enter, for it seemed far from hospitable. Nonetheless, Hanta pushed you forward, forcing you to take the first step towards what you desired; knowing that he would not be wanted within the rooms of these lands

“Go on, my love” Hanta smiled gently, easing your fear and reassuring you of any falsities your mind could conjure up. “He will not harm you, and I will stay right here should you need me.” 

With a tentative nod, you resigned yourself to your fate as you turned towards the lair before you. With a deep breath, your trembling feet began their stride toward the God who may be able to help you.

The corridor itself was long, lined with those jagged dark rocks and jewels, as you kept yourself small and away from it all as you continued down the winding passage; unsure if it would even allow you to find your way out of its seemingly endless path. A dim light, one of calming blue, rid you of any sense of hopelessness as you approached a room. The room was darker than what you were used to, but that calming blue hue filled the entirety of the space and allowed you to take in the surroundings.

It was more beautiful than you were expecting. An inverse of the pastel and gold that covered the heavenly realm, as dark marble and a silvery mist surrounded you; intricate furnishings with many a carving of stories long past deep within them. Despite the warnings, despite the claims otherwise, this place was not of ruin and decay, but rather of equal splendor that you have become accustomed to from the heavenly realm above.

In the center of all the strange but wonderful opulence sat a giant glass orb propped so beautifully atop of a pillar, woven so intricately like vines, of tourmaline. You couldn’t help but approach it, the alluring purple aura seemed to call out to you, reaching your delicate hand before you, nothing else crossed your mind that your desire to touch the orb's smooth surface.

“You’re a bold little one, aren’t you?” Hitoshi spoke, chuckling deeply as he took in your startled form. 

You jolted your body towards where you heard the God speak, and looked upon his figure that sat on a simple, but elegant, throne of silver; mere feet past the orb. You felt heat rush to your cheeks, flushing them in embarrassment for being so engrossed by a crystalline ball that you failed to notice him. Sheepishly you lowered yourself to your knees - tucking your head close to your chest - as you bowed deeply to him to showcase your respect.

“I apologize for my rude intrusion,” you whimpered, knowing how fickle and quick to anger most Gods were, and hoping your little oversight of his presence would not cause his wrath.  

“Rise,” He tells you, clear from his infliction that he finds boredom in your display of decorum, sitting more upright within his throne to regard your form with interested eyes. “And state your business here. For it is not every day a mortal like yourself so brazenly enters my domain.”

You nervously shift your weight from foot to foot, keeping your gaze downcast as you do as you are told; unable to not find his intense gaze unnerving. “I-I was hoping to seek your skills, to help me with a sorrowful plight I find myself enduring for I-!.” 

His low chuckle made your shoulders tense even further, as the flush that painted your face grew darker. He raised a hand to cease your babbling from continuing; perhaps he found you childish if the condescending shake of his head as he leaned closer to you, was anything to go by.

“I already know what you are here for, little one. Merely wanted to see you squirm in nervousness for a moment longer.” He began to explain. “I already know who you are and your plight; the sad reality of the God of Sleep is that I know every mortal’s dream, and must endure the burdens that come with it.” 

You can tell his words rung true, for as you finally gazed up at his handsome face you could see the dark circles that stained the skin under his eyes, his own sunken deep within his skull, you could tell he suffered the same nightmarish visions, the unease and sorrow, and the sleeplessness you, and the many mortals like you, may find.

“You wish to see your sister, for you are forgetting her,” Hitoshi continued, hand rubbing his forehead as he sighed, watching the elation come forth upon your face as you frantically nodded your head, knowing that now he must aid you in some fashion or else you would not leave him to be alone once more. 

He stood from his throne, his height more imposing than you thought it to be, to stalk his way over to you and the crystalline ball you stand beside; shrinking away from him, you allowed him to pass you with little fuss. With a wave of his hand, the orb filled with a cloud of dark purple smoke. He beckoned you closer to him once it did, and you watched as the smoke slowly cleared away the closer you found yourself to the God and his crystalline glass; soon revealing your sister’s slumbering face.

“She dreams of you often,” He stated, standing aside to allow you the chance to look upon the image without distraction. 

“She does?” You could not help but become overwhelmed with both joy and sorrow as you gazed upon her; elated to know she was still alive and dreamt of you. You just merely wished you could do the same. Tears formed in your eyes as you reached out a cautious hand to gently touch upon the smooth glass, to caress the image of her cheek. “It warms my heart to know that, thank you.”

Hitoshi allowed you a moment to stare, gaze looking upon you in question; pondering what he should do. Knowing of your current plight, one of abandonment and loneliness, he could not help but relate. He found a semblance of sympathy and empathy for the creature before him; for he too found seldom joy within the realm of the Underworld, being placed here and forgotten by the Gods that claimed to be his brothers. He could not help but wish to end your suffering, as well as his. He tried his hardest to garner a plan out of this small act of kindness he would give forth to you in your time of need.

“You certainly act brave,” he called out to you, tone more gentle than before, “but I know you wish to dream of her yourself though pride is stopping you from asking me such a favour. For the Gods that surround you only grant one if you provide something in return.”

He pauses, allowing you a moment to take in his words; speaking once more as he could tell your attention was back on him rather than your sister, watching as your brows furrowed in question, knowing he must speak carefully in order for his plan to work

“I can assure you that I wish nothing in return,” he stated plainly, as he moved to sit on his throne once more. “The end of your sorrowful anguish, to cease the added pain and suffering it causes me, will be payment enough. I only ask for you to visit me here, should you wish to take upon my offer, for it shall be easier for me to provide you with the dreams you want from my throne.”

His response took you by surprise, as you gazed upon him in shock, overwhelmed by his apparent kindness that you could not do anything for a moment but stand there frozen in place - much like the few marble statues that decorated his home.

“Does that suit you?” Hitoshi asked, a brow raised in question as he watched you with amusement.

You nodded your head in a rapid fashion as you scurried your way back to him; unable to stop yourself from taking hold of his hands and squeezing them as you knelt in a bow before him once again; “God of Sleep, truly I wish there were more words I could say and express to you my gratitude and thanks to your kindness, but alas I cannot, but please know from the bottom of my heart that I am so overjoyed to hear you speak those words….” You continued profusely babbling to him your thanks and you kept his hand tightly within yours. 

“Hitoshi, you may call me Hitoshi.” He simply smiled, finding your devotion towards him at that moment welcomed for it rarely happened, relishing in it for a moment longer before removing your hands from his. “I await our next visit, but for now it is time for you to depart.”

You nodded your head in understanding before you bowed your head to him once more in respect, then gingerly walked down the few steps from his throne and towards the long, jagged corridor of obsidian without another word or complaint. 

“I will send my trusted friend Tamaki to fetch you,” Hitoshi called out to you, a smirk playing on his lips. “So there will be no need to bother and bring Hanta back with you.”

~

Hitoshi was true to his word, another surprising moment for you within a land of selfish and deceiving Gods, for when you woke the next morning - alone once more in your vast bed of silk - you caught sight of a man standing within a dark wooden gondola, seemingly waiting for you. Clearly, there was no one else he could possibly be there for, as this small portion of the heavens was made for you, a portion that seldom had visitors. 

Slowly you rose, eyes straining to properly see him, though you knew he was here for you the man situated himself so far away from your slumbering form that you couldn’t help but have a twinge of doubt.

‘Was he perhaps timid?’

A strange notion, and trait, for a God to possess but the closer you approached him, in your barely covered form, the more you began to realize it was true. Another handsome face, as all Gods possess, though his pale skin and dark hair were a striking contrast to the bright flush that stained his face and pointed ears; clearly he was bashful over looking at you in such a state - his eyes never looked upon for more than a brief second before darting away.

“A-are you, Tamaki...?” You asked him, timidness within your own voice as you softly called out to him, trepidation filling your being as you continued to approach him; after all, you had been fooled before by false displays.

“Y-yes I am!” You could see his eyes snap up to you as he stood taller as if bringing forth his name meant bringing forth his station and thus made him want to stand with pride. “I am the Ferryman of the Underworld, I was sent here to get you.”

You watched as he paused, giving you one more look-over before averting his eyes again, letting out a small cough of discomfort over your barely covered body; a reaction you were not used to getting, though perhaps he too was guarded for the fear of unleashing the wrath of a fellow brother was not something he wished upon himself.

“...Though perhaps I should allow you to dress before bringing you before Hitoshi,” he finished, clutching tighter the giant wooden oar he carried and was using for support

Your face flushed in a similar red to the God before you as you nodded your head, perhaps it would have been wiser to dress before approaching the strange presence that entered your little domain, but curiosity always did get the better of you. You nodded your head politely before scurrying off to find suitable garb to wear.

You admired Tamaki’s patience, and his courteous nature for it took you far longer to find a dress that would keep you warm as you stayed in the cooler domain of the Underworld; after all, when Sero brought you here, dressing you in fine clothing was the least of his worries. Every time you looked over at the Ferryman, his eyes were never focused on you, but rather daydreaming as he gazed upon the soft pastel colours of clouds above.

You approached him again once ready, and the kind smile he cast as he gently helped guide you into his gondola put your racing heart at ease; you could not say with certainty that you could trust him, but as he allowed you to sit and get comfortable before slowly descending his vessel down towards the domain he called home you couldn’t help but think that maybe you could.

He was a wonderful guide as well as you made your way back into the treacherous waters and dark world that was the netherworld. His tone, and demeanor, always reassured your every need; from when your shoulders would tense as the gondola grew a little too close to the sides of a cavern, or how your hands would grasp the side of the vessel tightly as the descent moved a little too quickly, or when the screams of the wailing souls became almost unbearable causing you to cover your eyes - he would gently reassure your fears every time.

“Do not fret, fair nymph,” Tamaki’s soft voice rang out above the screeching souls that lay below you, effectively stealing your attention away from their pity. “They will pass in due time, they merely wish to make those suffer alongside them; once they see you will not befallen to their tricks, they will leave you be.”

“They will..?” Your voice was barely above a whisper, unable to properly hear yourself as you continued to try and close your hearing off to the cries of the lost souls, scooting yourself towards the middle of the gondola to avoid their reaching hands.

Yet he still heard you, as if the deafening keenings meant nothing to him, as he nodded his head; using his long oar to steer his vessel down a long stretch of water, away from that of the river Styx. “And do not fear them, as long you are in my care they will not harm you nor snatch you from my boat.”

Slowly the gondola came to a stop, the motion as smooth as the silvery water below, in front of a familiar obsidian cave - the entrance still as daunting and inhospitable as you remembered it being the day before, even if now you knew you were wanted within those walls. He helped guide you, with a courteous hand, up from your seat and out of the dark wooden craft he had grown accustomed to; only pulling his hand from your grasp, and thus support, once your feet were firmly planted on the ground before you. 

“Thank you, Tamaki,” You said, eyes gleaming with genuine sincerity as you gazed upon him, your hand taking his once more to give it a small squeeze of gratitude. You almost giggled when you noticed his cheeks began to flush once more, as his bashfulness took hold and caused him to turn away from you yet again and focus his attention elsewhere.

“I shall be here to guide you back once you are done,” he muttered, his voice never before sounding so small since you met him, as he tugged his hand from your grasp. “Now go. Hitoshi can become impatient if you make him wait too long.”

With a nod of your head, you turned to face the mouth of the cave, dread setting in once more as you swallowed thickly the anxiety that began to bubble up within you; praying that you had not caused the God of Sleep ire for taking so long to get to him as you made your first steps back to his throne.

The blue light guided you as before, calming the gnawing apprehension that made a purchase into your heart for you felt as if you were a lamb being led to slaughter despite the generosity and kindness you were shown merely moments before. Tamaki had said that he would not have harm be brought before you, therefore he would not lead you to harm. You were not a lamb being led to slaughter, as you so felt at that moment, by merely approaching and being within Hitoshi’s lair.

Just as you did before, with timid and apprehensive steps, you stepped through the threshold of silver smoke and jagged obsidian into the room he resided and called home; eyes downcast, feeling smaller than ever before, you took gingered steps to where he sat upon his pearly throne, kneeling before him as a mortal should before a God. His imposing figure, one that loomed over you, caused you to lower your bow further until your head laid upon the cool marble your feet once stood upon.

“Not as bold today, are we?” Hitoshi chuckled, releasing you with an unhurried motion of his hand, his eyes staying with your figure as you moved to stand before him.

He watched as you simply shook your head in response, gaze still downcast as if too nervous to meet his eye; a frown formed upon his lips in disappointment over your timid display, wishing for you to be more excited, more jubilant like you were in your last meeting. Though perhaps it was because of your actions yesterday that you felt the need to be more apprehensive of your every move, not wanting to accidentally offend or upset him.

Hitoshi hummed, finding your continued lack of response telling of his assumptions. He stood from his throne and gracefully sauntered down the few imposing steps before it, regarding you and your smaller form for a brief moment before he ushered you to follow him, to which you did so dutifully; to come before the crystalline ball and its swirling clouds of violet haze. 

Once more, when the smoke began to tire of its own billowing dance and wished to retire away, images of your sister arose causing you to sigh out in quiet joy and behold her sweet and slumbering form. 

“You may stay for as long as you wish,” Hitoshi whispered out, finding that if he were to speak louder he may spook you from the charming trance he had put you under, as he placed his hand upon the small of your back to guide you closer to where you truly wished to be.

He almost chuckled at how you merely nodded in response to his generosity, too engrossed with your sister to think of anything else; even the gracious God providing you such a spectacle. Perhaps if he was in a worse mood, he may have been offended, perhaps even telling you to leave. And yet, he found it rather amusing, endearing even. He could tell why you were plucked from the mortal realm and kept amongst the gods as a pretty rose to gaze upon for eternity - you were certainly an interesting creature, at least as far as he could tell.

“Enjoy it for as long as you may like,” he spoke again, settling down once more onto his throne, chin within his palm as he gazed at you wondering if your response would change. He chuckled to himself when he saw the small rise and nod of your head; clearly too enraptured still to even think of a single word.

Time was frozen still for you, at least that was how you saw it, when you gandered down upon your sister; eyes filled with warmth as your fingers delicately outlined her face with thoughts that raced through your mind. You wondered what she dreamt of, what the days ahead of her looked like, and if she remembered you. A faint smile painted your lips as you thought of all the possibilities that could befall upon her.

Though time at that moment was still for you, it still marched onward.

For Hitoshi, he watched you for hours. His chin never left his palm, as his eyes just softly gazed at your form; curiosity further seeped into his being the longer you stayed. He was almost disappointed when he had to have this little visit come to an end, something he could not help but find odd as no words were spoken between the pair of you. Yet he could feel he missed your presence already.

“The sun is about to rise, little one,” he called out as he sat more upright upon his throne, “which means your sister will wake, and thus we will no longer be able to see her in my crystalline orb.” 

“Has it really been that long?” You softly answered, voice barely above a whisper as your hand dropped from the item in question back to hang limply at your side.

“Afraid it has.” 

“Then I thank you kindly for allowing me such a prolonged gift as this,” You said, casting forth to him a smile of gratitude; though despite your efforts not, you could tell sadness seeped through. You bowed once more, kneeling upon the ground you had spent hours standing upon. “It was more than I could have hoped for.”

“You are welcome to come back here if you so choose,” He watched as you stood once more, an amused smile gracing his handsome face. “For you have been nothing but a quiet and respectful guest.”

“I-I can…?” You questioned, hands coming forth to clasp together nervously; wondering if his amusement was genuine due to your company or if he had a trick he wished to play and had accidentally shown his hand.

“I have not had a more peaceful rest since the millennia started.” He began, gracefully taking a pause so he may walk over to you. “If having you here to admire your sister means I can have more moments of levity like this, then I would be a fool to cast it aside.”

Hitoshi took your hand in his, bringing it forth to place a tender kiss upon the back of it before turning it over to place a small golden bell within your palm, before letting it go. 

“Should you ever wish to return, ring this bell twice. It shall signal to Tamaki that you will be in need of his services, and thus will return you here.”

It was the jubilation on your face, he could only assume, that was what made him wish to provide you this sanctuary in the first place. Your smile beamed forth a ray of light as you gazed up at him, clasping tightly the small gift he had provided to you close to your heart.

“Thank you!” You gushed, feet almost stumbling over themselves as you didn’t know if you wanted to go forth to him and take his hand to showcase your gratitude, or if you wanted to leave to ensure further rest for this God before you (as well as showcase your prize to Tamaki, the man the bell was tied to).

In the end, you chose to scamper away, your gratitude and declarations of thanks echoing within the long and winding hallway. Hitoshi merely shook his head, breathing a sigh of mirth as he returned to his throne; his mind raced with thoughts of you. He wondered if he would get to see more moments of your bubbling personality showcased to him, more so than the small snippet he was blessed with at that moment. 

Ultimately all of his thoughts led to one conclusion, that he hoped you would ring the bell very soon.

~

Despite your desire otherwise, it took you a little more than a fortnight to call upon Tamaki once more; not at all for the reason that you were no longer interested in visiting the Underworld once again and indulging in the gifts brought before you, but rather you would feel horrible if you were to summon a God such as he to take you to and fro on whatever whim you had. Knowing he had far more important tasks to uphold, not simply to take care of you.

Yet, Tamaki greeted you with that same kind smile, one that grew wider when you apologized for being such an inconvenience as you clambered into his boat. 

“Nonsense.” He chuckled, using his oar to steer his vessel. “Your company is a highlight to my day, a far better kind than the souls that screech for my attention. So you need not worry about calling me forth.”

“Is that so?” You hummed, leaning forward towards him with a smile, placing your chin in your palm.

“Yes.” His face flushed that familiar shade of red, yet his eyes remained on you - clearly less shy than before as he grew more accustomed to your presence. “So, call upon me whenever you wish, for I know Hitoshi would prefer if you did as well.”

His eyes then looked away from you to instead focus on successfully steering you to where you were to be; back to Hitoshi. You took the time to survey the surroundings, as it was clear the ride was to remain in silence until the end, taking into account all the small jewels and gems that littered the dark walls of the nether realm. A small glimmer of beauty and hope in an otherwise bleak and dreadful world as you continued your descent. 

Though this time, after the boat had slowed to a stop, a visitor was there waiting for you. 

Hitoshi stood tall, making the daunting entrance of his lair seem small and almost meek. He approached the gondola with purposeful steps. His eyes glimmered with mirth as he nodded his head towards his old friend Tamaki before he bowed before you.

“As always, you have arrived safe and sound.” Hitoshi’s deep voice mumbled out, as he stood to his full height once more. “I am grateful to be able to have Tamki provide such a service.”

“As am I.” You managed to get out, voice meek, as you looked over at the ferryman in question. “He certainly puts me at ease and makes this descent more palatable.”

“Yes, well, I cannot argue with such a statement,” Hitoshi mumbled again before presenting his hand for you to take. “But a ride is not why you are here, now is it? Come along, little one, we cannot keep Tamaki from his duties any longer.”

You nodded your head, giving one last grateful smile towards the God who brought you here, before gingerly placing your hand upon his; finding Hitoshi’s gentle strength almost dizzying as he lifted you from the gondola with ease.

With practiced ease, surely muscle memory for him at this point, he guided you through the caverns towards his home; not at all bothered by the sharp stones that jutted from the walls or the rocky terrain as you were. You leaned into him often, finding his presence and body a needed support, as you tried to keep up with his quick pace.

You wished that the path toward his throne room would be more kind, less abrasive, and less aggressive toward those that wished to seek his help. But much like those gemstones hidden amongst the cavern walls of the Underworld, once you got through all the dread and unpleasantness, you were greeted with something wonderful. And the vast room he called his own always seemed to comfort you in some way whenever you entered it.

This time, when you passed through the haze of silver smoke that always permeated the air around his threshold, like a door to keep his privacy intact, you already found your sister’s slumber face illuminating the giant crystalline ball you had grown so fond of.

Hitoshi allowed you to break free from his hold of you to dart towards your sister, following after you at a much more leisurely pace. He could not blame you for your eagerness to see her, after all her slumbering form was a beauty to behold in and of itself, however he did wish he could hold you and your attention just a moment longer before it was diverted elsewhere.

Nevertheless, he had a plan today. One that he knew you would adore above all else, even more so than any gift the Love God had ever given you previously, or since you entered the realm of the Gods. Unhurried, he followed behind you, taking in the image of your admiring eyes for a moment longer before deciding to break the peaceful silence that had befallen.

“Do you wish to visit her?” He asked, placing his hand to the back of your neck to stroke the hair that laid there.

“More than anything…” You whispered, smiling fondly at the image before you, an action you had grown accustomed to doing. “However, such a wonder cannot happen, nor be granted to me while I am here.”

Hitoshi chuckled, an almost sinister grin forming upon his lips as he gazed down at you, lowering his head to whisper in your ear, “What if I told you that you could?”

He delighted in the way your body shivered at his action, the way your eyes finally were diverted from your sister and thus focused upon him; that he finally was the one to capture your whole attention.

“Can you?” You breathed out, having lost all the air within your lungs and body over his words; unable to breathe at not only the possibility of perhaps being able to hold your sister in your arms again, but the price it might cost for such a miracle.

“Dreams are an amusing thing, little one.” Hitoshi smiled, taking hold of your shoulders so you could face him fully. “A reality that is not fully our own, a realm in and of itself that is not beholden to the same rules as ours.”

He paused, and watched as your little brain tried to understand fully what he was saying. Finding it adorable when your brows furrowed together in concentration as you tried to put the pieces he was alluding to together. He brought his hand up to pat your head, stroking his palm down your hair soothingly as he continued.

“I can control that realm, a gift given to me by my mother.” He muttered those words, his smile growing wider as he saw your eyes light up in hope. “If you allow me your trust, to give forth your sleep to me, I shall be able to connect your dreams together and thus allow you a brief moment to be together again.”

It was almost comical to him how trusting you were, how you would so easily give up something so precious as the ability to command your own sleep to him. How you practically threw yourself into his arms, in both desperation and shock that such a gift could exist, as you quietly begged him for that chance.

“Please Hitoshi!” You said, hands clinging tightly to his tunic as you felt your eyes well with tears as your feelings overwhelmed you. “I beseech you, please, take me to her. I would ask nothing more of you, of your skills, gifts, or time, if you allowed me this. My anguish would cease being your burden if you allowed me to speak with her just this once.”

You turned your face away from him as you felt the warmth of your tears begin to stain your cheeks. Wanting to lessen your humiliation, you focused back on the image of your sister, and you asked him once more to take you to her, even if only for a brief moment.

Your naivety, your utter trust in him after all you had known and learned from the Gods, made Hitoshi’s smile grow even darker as mischievousness tainted it. You were so willing to eat from his palm, that you had no time to properly think if his intentions were pure. So blindsided by the love of your sister and desire to see her, you would do anything - even if it meant being at his mercy. 

He almost felt pity for you, such a sweet creature like yourself being taken advantage of by a more powerful being. 

Almost.

“Hush, little one,” he cooed, almost in condescension, as he pulled you against him once more to dry the tears that fell so freely from your eyes. “I would have not have offered such a gift if I had no intention of giving it to you.”

He continued to brush your tears away as he listened to you hiccup and sob, trying your best to form a response to him and his kindness but failing; shushing you once more as he pulled your head to rest against his chest, allowing you a moment of reprieve to calm yourself down.

“Now, now.” He began after silence had enveloped the pair of you for a breath. “Whenever you are ready, please lay yourself down in any place you deem comfortable within my home.”

He allowed you to pull away once more, watching as you sniffled and nodded your head, your hand wiping away the last of your tears as you looked about the abode. Deciding that his throne would be the most comfortable spot to choose if you were to lay down. However, you could not bring yourself to gain the courage to sit upon his throne. Instead, you chose to lean your body upright to sit comfortably against it, your head settled upon the arm of his chair to further ensure that you would slump over once sleep overtook you.

Hitoshi wanted patiently as you made your decision, finding your bold action to use his throne in some fashion entertaining, a refreshing outcome from your usual polite and timid nature. He approached you once it was made clear you were comfortable, kneeling down to your eye level as he brushed your hair away from your face.

“Close your eyes for me… there we are, that’s good,” he whispered out, eyes turning a pale silver, like the mist that surrounded his room, before he brought his hand up to your face. “Now, I must warn that you may feel nauseous once being thrust from one realm to the next, do your best to focus on where you are headed, for it will help, alright?”

You nodded your head in acknowledgment over his words, shifting one last time in a more comfortable position. “Alright.”

“Good, and do not fret, I will watch over you”

With that, his hand made contact with your brow as his power surged through your being. Your eyes rolled back into your skull, as you felt your consciousness being violently thrust from this plane, this realm of existence. You fought back the turning of your stomach, the urge to fetch up the bile that sat in your stomach, as you gripped tightly to your robes; to ground yourself into the reality you wished to be in most, a dream with your sister. Abruptly, your world and soul stopped moving, lurching you forward to fall into a soft and grassy field; a meadow that reminded you of when you used to run through and create flower crowns with your sister, a long time ago.

You turned, and turned, and turned, trying to find your bearings as well as anything of importance or familiarity within the giant landscape of flora you had been transported to. Your eyes tried their best to adjust to the bright light that had been thrust upon you from a sun that was nowhere in sight; but after all the disorientation that you had suffered, your mind eventually cleared. Gone was the haze that clouded it, and now you could finally spot, far in the distance, a sight that made your heart warm. Your old home.

You picked up your skirts with a watery smile, doing your best to hold back the tears of happiness that were about to fall, as you began to run towards it. Elated was how you felt for at last you made it back to the one place you felt joy within your long life. Back to the place where you felt love and adoration; back to her. 

When the rundown cabin, filled with trinkets and coin from travelers long past, became far more than a small speck on the horizon, your voice came to you. Shouting your sister’s name, screaming out your presence here, as you continued to sprint as quickly as you could to her.

You caught sight of her after a few calls of her name, her head poking out from the bedroom window you used to share. Your pace quickened, far past your own abilities but you found little use to care of the pain when the person you loved most was in view, as you called out even louder; an arm waving to allow her to notice you promptly. You became jubilant as the realization of who you were came across her face. You almost tripped over your own feet as laughter began to pour out of you, as you took in the actions of her throwing open the cabin door with abandon, her not bothering to care of any damage she caused, before she ran to meet you.

The embrace you shared with one another was so forceful and tight that it caused you both to fall to the ground, pain and soreness subsided by the sounds of each other's laughter over finally being together once more; to hold one another and feel whole again. Sobs soon mixed in with the laughter, tears of joy understandably shed, as you both clung onto each other tightly. You were the first to pull away, certain that she would not disappear once doing so, wanting to see her face fully for the first time after all these years.

“There you are,” you breathed out, pressing your forehead against her with a relieved sigh “Oh, how I missed you terribly! My thoughts while we were apart were only of you.”

“As were mine!” She huffed out a laugh, bringing forth her hand to dry the flowing tears from her eyes. “I have been dreaming the same dream for years, hoping that one day you would return back to me.”

“I’m sorry it took so long!” You sobbed, leaning into her to wrap your arms tightly around her, burying your face within her shoulder as you babbled out another apology; finding comfort as she gingerly played with your hair as she used to do whenever you were upset.

“There is no need to apologize, my dear sister.” She uttered, resting her head atop yours. “All that matters right now is that we are finally together. After so long, after so much time apart, we are together again.”

She felt more so than saw your head nod in agreement, taking yet another moment to bask in the warmth that was your glow (as you did the same) before she patted at your back, an action that caused you to pull away slightly. With a warm smile, she caressed your cheek, humming in delight when she felt the heated skin upon her fingertips as her eyes searched yours.

“Come with me,” she finally spoke, standing with an outstretched hand for you to take. “Let me bring you home.”

With an ecstatic nod of your head, you agreed. Tears formed in your eyes at the mere thought of entering the home you once shared with her again as you took hold of her hand, allowing her to pull you to your feet. Together you walked alongside each other, pulling on each other’s arms, as nostalgia washed through you both - like a warm blanket on a winter’s eve - as you remembered a time when this was the existence you lead.

Meanwhile, as you slept, Hitoshi dutifully watched over you; finding your slumbering face rather beautiful as you allowed him to keep guard. He wondered if you were also so trusting, so naive about the world and the nature of Gods. Surely you must be if a few simple words of affirmation by another would allow you to be swallowed up by him; to follow willingly into a world not your own. Even more so, trust a God like him, after staying in this unforgiving place for so long.

Regardless, he stroked your cheek with a fond smile, knowing that this would not be the last time he would see you, to relish in your serene beauty, and enjoy your company; already his mind had raced with the many ways he wished to spend it.

~

The Gods within the Underworld barely get any company, as the Gods in the realm above them would rather steer clear of their domain; a sense of haughtiness as they turn their noses up at the prospect of spending their precious time with Gods they deem lower than them.

Therefore it cannot be helped that Hitoshi grew rather fond of you so quickly; a meek and sweet little nymph like yourself was more than a welcomed guest in his domain. Truly he would do anything in his power to have you keep visiting him and wanting his company. And, being the naive little thing you were, you so easily gave him the control he needed to ensure you would come crawling back to him; the power to manipulate your dreams and sleep. 

He wasn’t going to be cruel, after all, he wanted you to trust him and to do so of your own free will. At first, he only took an hour or two of sleep away, a simple ploy set in action for whenever you arrived back to him, he was able to easily coerce you to stay even longer; to catch up on the rest you had missed. Of course, you did not mind in the slightest, for that merely meant allowing you the chance to spend more time with your sister in the small way you could.

Once you woke, you always repaid him in kind, indulging him further with your awakened company; answering his questions, both of simplicity (like the times you recalled what your favoured the most) and those of a more personal nature (like the many stories of your previous life within the mortal realm). As well, you allowed him to showcase to you more of his domain and home, taking his arm with little fuss as he regaled the histories of the items that surrounded you, explaining to you how everything worked within the Underworld; from the souls, Tamaki would bring through, to the decisions Shigraki would make to keep things in order, to his own duty of keeping mortals well rested so they may continue their devotion to the many Gods they adored.

At the end, before he set you free to leave with Tamaki, he would always find the small pleasure of kissing the back of your hand; heart thrilling as you would cast before him your sweet smile before bidding adieu. He longed for you to gaze at him so lovingly, to hold and keep that precious smile with him forever.

Though, after a while, your stays with him became less frequent. Hitoshi used to be blessed by your company almost every other day. Before he knew of it, those frequent days together dwindled down to merely a couple of visits every few weeks. Now? Now Hitoshi would be lucky if he got to enjoy your presence once a month. And the worst of it was, whenever you finally did show your pretty face, there never was an explanation as to why you were gone from him for so long. With a wave of your hand, you would brush it aside, as if starving him of your companionship was nothing to be of worry, as you approached his throne. 

Truly, when all was said and done, this was all your own doing. 

Hitoshi simply could not have you vanish like the silver mist that enveloped his throne, he doubted he could survive if you did. So, he just had to make things a little bit worse for you; to slowly deprive you of more and more sleep. And the times he would gift you with slumber, they would be filled with dreams unpleasant and cruel.

He just had to have you crawl back to him, to stay with him. He simply had to.

~

It wasn’t as if you did not want to visit Hitoshi, you wished with every fiber of your being that you could; you really did. You enjoyed the time spent with him, both he and Tamaki were very kind and always sought to make you comfortable - never to leave you bored or feeling unwanted. Unfortunately, someone else decided for you that visiting was no longer to be.

Hanta had a renewed interest in you just as you were starting to get comfortable within the God of Sleep’s domain; monopolizing your time more and more, almost unbearably so, with his presence and touch. As if he was making up for lost time, doing his best to renew the interest he once captured so easily. Though he claimed otherwise, you knew that his actions were simply made from jealousy; he wanted you to be his pet, whom he called upon at any moment, to give your utter devotion to. Now your devotion seemed to be turned elsewhere, and his pride simply could not have it. 

He couldn’t keep hold of you at all times; duties had to be done, and other men and women needed to be blessed by his presence and touch. Only then were you able to slip away from his hold to visit the Underworld. Though every time you entered, you felt more and more ashamed of who you were, about the marks that were left upon your skin, and the reasons you could not see Hitoshi more frequently. Embarrassment always filled your being when you felt the Sleep God’s eyes upon you, taking in your dishevelled and messy form, knowing you were a sore sight to see; and you could never find the strength to confide in him as to the reasons why.

You simply wished to forget all that transpired while away, even if for a moment.

That moment of levity would simply be that; a moment. For once you returned to the clouds above, Hanta would be waiting for you; wings twitching in agitation as the scowl upon his beautiful face would cause you to shrink in fear. Anger, agitation, would fill his being at your deliberate disobeying of his rule to stay where you were until he was to return; dragging you to the bed you shared. Though you tried to plead with him that it wasn’t nearly anything his mind could conjure up, that he need not be so harsh with you, it never sunk into him - merely falling onto deaf ears. Despite protesting thus, he would bend you at the waist, pinning you to the silk sheets so you could not move, or fight him, before he would fill you with his cock; ignoring your squeals of pain as he stretched you completely. To slap his hand upon your skin until your skin was red and raw as he teethed marked you with the last mementos of his lovemaking. Actions never ceased until your voice became hoarse from the pleasured screams, and your body became limp with his marks of strength; making it clear to any gods nearby that you were his.

After which, the vicious cycle would continue.

Moreover, to add insult to the injury you were currently plagued with, you could not find a sense of slumber; a moment of rest and the peace that paired with it. Oh, how you wished you did, you wished for a moment of sanctuary from the torture you were in, and yet it never came. Always just slipping past your fingertips, like mist in a dense fog. Hanta and his insatiability, much like when he first claimed you for his own, took from your body and sense of strength and repose needed to even sit up. It left you ragged and begging to melt into the clouds that surrounded you; chanting silently to the God realms away to grant you what you desired most. A reprieve from this world, no matter how small it was to be. But once you felt it ebb at the corners of your consciousness, Hanta would ultimately rouse you to continue his ravishings.

The fair few times you could allow yourself to sink into the inky abyss of slumber, your being finally being so worn down it had no choice but to relent to it, the dreams within it would be far more cruel than the fate currently abusing you. Dreams so conniving and hurtful, of fears locked so far away, that you not help but wake with tears in your eyes; whimpering and wailing sobs into the vastness of the heavens around you. With your cries growing more intense when you found your only comfort against all this pain and suffering was Hanta and his touch; one that would ultimately lead to salacious things.

You began to resent him. His voice, his touch, his presence even remotely near you. You wished he had never caught sight of you, never gave you all those gifts, and most important of all, never brought you here to the heavens. As the days passed you felt stuck in an endless cycle of hell, one seemingly by his own hand. You were once so exuberant, full of life and wonder, and now you could feel yourself wasting away into nothing. No longer able to skip and frolic into fields of flowers or clouds, your body was too weak; barely even able to lift your arm to grab hold of anything. Your eyes, ones that were bright and filled with wonder as they looked upon the many majesties of the world, could barely be forced to open; a stinging pain would follow as any glimmer of light would cause you pain. And your head. Your poor head that would read and listen to the stories of old, now suffered from severe throbbing pain as your mind pulsed against your skull - trying to free itself from the prison it found itself in.

You could not escape it, nor Hanta - especially after he had taken the golden bell gifted to you as his own. Your life seemed to be regaled to misery as you lived every waking moment in pain. You wished that death could find you and turn you into an everlasting rose, then be subjected to spend more time with him; the cause of all the suffering.

Hanta could sense it all too. The indignation that filled your very being and thus cast forth onto him. He became less patient with you, his temper flaring considerably as he found your irritability insufferable; finding your whining and aversion to his help a scornful cross he felt he had not deserved, not after all he had done for you. The rage within him would burn even brighter whenever you would implore him to allow you to see the God of Sleep, to ask for his aid in the matter that had been plaguing you instead of him. Bitterness filled him over being replaced by a God lesser than him; for being a fool to allow you the freedom to visit that domain and become dependent on someone other than him.

“Hanta, please!” You wept, palms coming to press against your eyes to relieve some of the unbearable pressure behind them. “I cannot keep going like this. Can’t you see that I am in pain? That I am suffering?”

You removed your hands from your eyes, your feeble attempt to try and soothe the pain found in your body futile, having them fall into your lap in defeat. You looked over at him, back turned to you, as he tried to ignore your wails once more in favour of sharpening the many golden arrows he possessed. 

“I thought you loved me!” You called out again, trying in vain once more to garner his attention, the declaration working as you saw his shoulders tense.

“I do love you.” Hanta began, turning to give a look of scorn when you tried to argue otherwise “But it is clear that your reliance on another God caused you this misery. If you stayed here, and allowed me to take care of you, you would not have found yourself in such a state.”

“Take care of me?” You huffed out a laugh in scorn, hands balling into fists over his claims “You left me here. Abandoned me once I no longer suited your fancy, with no food, drink, or company. Alone is a place where I did not belong! How could you blame me for wanting to be cared for!”

“You could have asked for more!” Hanta stood, his wings twitched as he did his best to control the fury bubbling within him “Have I not given you everything? Have I not provided you splendor that no other creature, mortal or otherwise, could have dreamed? Have I not carved out of the heavens a home for you? You are acting like a petulant child, one that has been so spoiled that they cannot find it within themselves to have an ounce of gratefulness or gratitude.”

You could not help yourself, could not fight the urge otherwise. How could he claim all those things about you, to compare you to a mollycoddled child, when he was the one that would abandon anything once he got bored. To pin the pain you are under as something of your own fault, and not bother to care about trying to lessen the burden.

“I hate you.”

The words slithered out in a vengeful hiss, marking them as true and honest as you looked away from him in scorn; finding yourself so disgusted by him that you wished not to acknowledge his presence. You had never said those words before, never been pushed to think that way of anyone, even the nymphs that casted you out. Yet, you felt the need to let that be known and you sat and seethed.

You did regret those words after you spoke them, finding a moment of levity as your mind cleared from the anger and pain it had been placed under. Though it was too late. A final straw had been broken, after weeks of being placed under the pressure of a bend, within Hanta.

He marched towards you, to where you sat so pitifully, to take hold of your arm; not bothering to care over the cry of pain he inflicted as he dragged you to your feet to follow him to the edge of the heavenly clouds that you called home. Bringing forth the golden bell from his tunic to hold it menacingly over the border that kept the Gods in the heavens, and the mortals within the earth.

“Apologize at once.” He demanded, tugging you even closer to him to cease your struggling against his hold “Say that you are sorry or I will drop it.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I had not meant to say! Please Hanta, believe me! I could never hate you! Don’t do this!” You begged, falling to your knees as you clung to his waist

But despite obeying, despite always doing what he said like the sweet-natured nymph you were, it did not matter. In a moment of vexation, a moment to showcase his power over you, Hanta still did not relent (as he always did to your cries) as his fingers let slip the golden bell. Allowing it to sink away for all eternity.

You collapsed in a heap, fingers digging deeply into the cloud below you, as you wept and sobbed; despite the pounding in your head telling you to stop, you couldn’t. Your one saving grace, the one thing that brought a semblance of happiness to you in this realm was gone. And with that revelation came the doubt that you would ever see your sister again nor get a decent night’s rest until the end of time - or until your ultimate banishment from here, whenever that mercy may come.

You couldn’t help but kick and scream when you felt Hanta’s arm wrap around you as he picked you up from the ground. Using the last morsels of strength within you to try and fight him off and away, for his touch was the last thing you ever wanted upon your skin.

But what was the strength of a nymph when compared to a God? 

He laid you in bed, and though he tried to join you, to hold you close and whisper those sweet nothings in your ear as he knew you used to love, you kept pushing him away. Instead choosing to curl up into a tight ball and weep until sleep ultimately took your anguished form. All Hanta could do was watch as guilt gnawed at him - latching onto his soul like roots of a tree that took purchase into the earth - as he reaped what he had sown. 

~

The anguish you felt is what finally caught Hitoshi’s attention towards you and your ever-growing plight, for it had seeped through into your dreams when your body finally tired out from all it had been fighting. He could sense your pain, your sorrow, the distress that filled every ounce of your soul; it caused his breathing to labor as he could not help but panic over what had transpired. He rushed to look into his orb of dreams to search for you and to understand what had transpired for your soul to give up and to become on the verge of death; something impossible for a creature like you to do within the heavens.

You were always surprising him, weren’t you?

He wanted to find a semblance of admiration over you achieving such a feat, but all he could find was fear over the thought of losing you. Your blurry appropriation finally came forth to him within the haze of smoke so familiar to him, blurred lines turned clear as he turned more of his attention towards you; and subsequently, the memory you had gripped so tightly to. That of your precious gift, your golden bell, being taken away from you.

Histoshi wasted not another moment. Summoning forth Tamaki with urgency, as he began to move through his labyrinth hurriedly; meeting the other god at the riverbed to his home. Tamaki could tell from the distressed look within the other God's eyes, that something was amiss.

“Go gather the nymph.” Hitoshi instructed, voice hardened with ice as he tried to keep his composure “And bring her back here to me, as swiftly as you can”

“Has something happened?” The meeker God questioned, worry gathering within his heart as his eyes scanned Hitoshi’s features.

“Go and get her.” Hitoshi reiterated voice hissing at the accidental stalling his friend was causing. “And do so swiftly! Though, be wary of that Love God, for he is watching over her.” 

Without another word, or hesitancy otherwise, Tamaki nodded his head before hastily setting his vessel in motion. There was something wrong, for his oldest friend would not have treated him so coldly, would not be so fearful of a wasted moment. Something had happened to you, and Tamaki feared it was something awful.

Bravery was never something that came naturally to the ferryman, he was far too meek and worried of causing ire from his fellow brothers and sisters; especially those few that lived among him. He felt it course through him as he ascended to the heavens to retrieve you, determination settling within his heart as he made up his mind to bring you to the Underworld for good.

Tamaki was quiet when he approached your little piece of heaven; heading the advice to be wary to ensure a safe recovery of you. Though when he appeared, he found you surprisingly alone. You lay curled up like a baby bird in its nest upon your bed, but he knew it wouldn’t be for long. For the Love God was clearly only absent to gather your items of comfort, and with his powerful wings to swiftly guide him through the air, Tamaki knew it was only a matter of moments before he would return; there was no time to dawdle. 

Gently he scooped you into his arms, taking note to cradle your weak head gently against his chest, as he carried you to his gondola. Setting you upon the bench you so eagerly used to sit upon, he allowed you to rest as he took you back down to the Underworld; to your new home.

~

You awoke, mind filled with a disorienting haze as you tried to recall how you ended up blessed enough to find slumber. To garner a restful enough sleep and avoid the terrors your mind could come up whenever you were in that realm. However, that wonderment of how you could have become so blessed after so agonizingly long was drowned out by confusion as your brows furrowed as it tried to comprehend what this odd weight upon your body was.

It was familiar to you, like an old friend, one soothing and reassuring. Yet at the same time, it did not feel like something you knew. The hand that stroked your hair, and scratched gently upon your scalp in a manner so gentle, was not one that you knew. The arm that held you so tightly to a broad, lithe, chest did not feel at all similar to the one you cuddled up against night after night.

It wasn’t familiar to you, thus you could only assume that you were no longer in the arms of Hanta, but rather someone else. Now that you were in this hold, you were afraid you could never go back to what you were used to. How you preferred the more tender hold of the arms that embraced you, how they held you with your comfort in mind, not to keep you trapped; a hold that you could not help sink deeper within. Finding the soft tunic a welcomed reprieve to warm and bare skin as you clung to it.

Though despite your wanting to sink back into the inky abyss that was the realm of slumber, your mind did not allow it; far too concerned with whoever was holding you. Though it felt nice, something about it still did feel right. Your brows furrowed more so together as you began to push against the embrace, your tired eyes burning as they opened to gain clarity of your situation.

A frightful gasp left your lips as you looked upon a familiar pair of violet eyes, those accompanied by the almost charming dark circles of deprivation. Despite your best efforts to pull away from him, knowing just how irate Hanta would be if he were to catch you with him in such a manner, Hitoshi kept you in place; his arm tightly digging into your sides to keep you against him.

“Hush, and be still little one,” Histoshi shushed you, hand moving from your hair to stroke upon your cheek in a manner meant to calm you further. “Your body is still destitute of slumber, it cannot handle your struggles.”

You relented, body falling more limp within his hold, though you fought the urge to fall back into his chest; wanting answers to the racing questions that ran through your mind as they managed to take precedence over your want of sleep.

“How…. how did I get here?” You finally asked, voice cracking and sore from your wails just hours prior, as you kept your gaze downcast. “From what I can recall, I needed the bell you gifted me to summon Tamaki; one of the few that knew how to get to you”

“As you know,” he began with a sigh, tugging at the ends of your hair in an effort to get your pretty eyes to gaze back at him; disappointed that you wouldn’t relent and do so, “I can feel all the anguish that the mortals are beholden to as they sleep, you are no exception. I felt all your pain and suffering, and I could sense that you were unable to escape the grasp of the Love God. So, I figured the only course of action to end your distress that I could provide was to gather you myself so you may get the rest you sorely needed.”

He watched as you buried the palms of your hands into your eyes gently, trying in vain to allow your muddled mind to come to terms and piece together what he had just said. After a moment of silence, he pulled your hands back down to rest in your lap.

“Are you alright now?” He asked, voice barely above a whisper, as he watched you nod your head. Dissatisfied over your lack of response he placed his forefinger under your chin to force your head up to face him. “Are you sure?”

“Y-yes.” 

Your meek response was good enough to appease him as he let go of your face to instead pull you closer within his hold; his hand once more moving your head to place it against the crevice between his neck and shoulder. Hand once more absently played with your hair as he continued to soothe and strived to relax your body.

“Sleep, little one,” he mumbled into your brow, “Stay as you need so you may regain all that you lost. I promise to look over you.”

Instead of gratitude, instead of your body falling heed to his request, he felt your body shake as you silently sobbed. You wished you could allow yourself such a sweet reprieve, but you knew better now. Once you garnered enough strength to walk, you would have to be taken back to the heavens once all this was over. If not by the God before you, then by the God you have surely angered and left in a cold bed. You felt Hitoshi move your body to sit upright, his hands resting upon your heated cheeks as he attempted to dry them from your ever-falling tears. 

“Why are you upset, my darling one?” He asked, searching your eyes for a response, only to find you closing them and looking away.

“If I do stay, if I do as you ask of me and regain my strength and rest, it will not matter.” You blubbered, shaking your head to rid yourself of his grasp on your face.

“And why do you say that?”

“After I do, I will have to return back to Hanta. And I do not want to suffer the false hope that will befall me if I stay, for once I go back I will suffer as I had before. Sleepless and filled with horrid visions!”

Hitoshi did his best to hide the smile that was yearning to break free. He found he was grateful this one time that your glossy eyes would not look at him. Here you were, like a child, in his lap as you wept over the fear of another bad dream that may fall upon you again. It was clear your state of mind had been broken, that your resolve had been shattered, and now you were at the mercy of him and his plan; thus now he could finally strike. 

“Who has declared that you must go back?” He whispered as he kissed the crown of your head to soothe you further. “You could just stay here with me, you will never have to worry about sleep and nightmares again. And your sister, I’m sure she missed you.”

With the mention of your sister, you finally looked up at him, your sobbing quieted down as you hiccuped your response. “Y-you w-would let me stay...?”

“I would.” He nodded his affirmation alongside his words, ensuring you would believe him. “And you may visit your sister as often as your heart desires, to wander the Underworld and beholden to their treasures whenever you please. You would just have to keep me company whenever I request it.”

“And Hanta? W-what of him?”

“You would never have to worry about being taken away from him if you did not want. Wherever silver mist gathers, especially within the archways of this domain, he cannot enter nor breakthrough. He may charge his way here, but he will never be allowed to enter my throne.”

You took a moment to gaze upon the familiar archway you had walked through countless times, watching as the silver smoke twirled languishingly amongst itself as if it had a mind of its own. It brought back the memory of when you first came here, how Hanta pushed you to make the journey to the God of Sleep alone. It was not done to test your bravery, but rather for the reason Hitoshi claimed; he was not welcomed here and therefore could not follow you.

It all made sense why Hanata hated that you would visit Hitoshi, for he could not keep an eye on you. He could not control you and whatever you did while here.

Now you were presented with an offer. A tempting one that promised you everything you had been deprived of while you were up in the heavens; to be taken care of fully. To be able to enjoy the spoils found here, to sleep, and to see your sister. Your exhausted mind could not help but agree that his terms and conditions to be his companion within the Underworld was a far better offer than what you were granted within the Heavens.

“I’ll stay…” You murmured out, as you allowed your body to fall limp into his arms in acceptance. “...I’ll stay.”

“Good, now rest little one, you are safe now.”

Hitoshi was unable to cease holding back the triumphant smile that wished to come forth, relenting to it as it spread across his beautiful face in an almost sinister manner before he pressed a kiss to your forehead. He had won, and now he was hoping to reap the rewards he waited so patiently for; grinning more widely as he heard a whine slip passed your lips, the sound going straight to his cock as he shifted you within his lap.

“What is the matter now?” He muttered into your brow, pressing another kiss there as he watched you squirm.

“I can’t sleep...!” You murmured out, clearly exasperated over your mind telling you of desires that you wanted while your body continued to betray you.

“Never fear of things such as that my darling.” His kiss slowly descended down your face before they paused at your lips; brushing against them in a manner much like a butterfly’s kiss. “I can help you, you need only ask me to do so.”

“Please help me Hitoshi…” You breathed out as you clung to his tunic once more.

He knew you were ready to plead further to him, he could hear the hitch in your voice as you made an attempt to do so. But he could not wait any longer, not after all the work he placed into his efforts, nor after hearing you consent to him; even if he desired to hear you beg for him further. His lips pressed against you in a kiss he has waited far too long to enjoy.

But greed swiftly appeared and possessed him, taking his kisses from sweet and small - tiny pecks to showcase his love and adoration for you - to ones more consuming as he melded your lips into his; not caring about breathing more so the want to feel your lips against his. His hand came to hold your jaw in place, craning your neck upward so that he may deepen the kiss to his desire.

It was not harsh, nor hurried, as one would expect from being consumed by the throws of passion and lust; especially the kind that had been suppressed for so long. Hitoshi could not recall in most recent memory, or memory long passed, ever having a lover by his side. And now that he had you, now that he finally had you here, he wished to engulf you completely and enjoy what the Gods above have denied him.

His motions were languid as he continued to hold your lips against his, he relished in how pillowy they felt as he continued to suck and smack upon them; not bothering to care of your whimpers of discomfort over how lewd the sounds had become, or how the mixture of saliva would drip down your chin. He still refused to relent as he found himself possessed over you and this feeling of domination. He slipped forth his tongue into your pliant and sweet mouth; how he delighted in the way your strength left you and caused you to go limp within his hold. 

With the knowledge that you would not fight against him further, rather allowing yourself to succumb to him and his desires instead, his hands began to roam your body; no longer afraid of angering you and your possible attempts to fight otherwise.

You couldn't say that you did not enjoy it. 

The unhurried, leisurely manner in which Hitoshi was making love to you was a far cry from the throws of quickened and almost brutal passion that you had grown used to. Such a contrast made your head dizzy and lightheaded as you allowed the God before you to do as he pleased; yet uncertainty filled the distant corners of your mind, how the ebbed and flowed almost as a warning bell, as you wondered if your body was going pliant to his advances due to your own building want or if he somehow placed you in a dream-like trance.

Regardless, you still found yourself in bliss as your hands began to roam themselves; how they gripped and tugged at his tunic as you allowed your voice to be heard. The small noise of pleasure did nothing more than spur Hitoshi on as his lips began to drag from your own and down to your jaw. You felt a shiver run down your spine as you heard his groan of delight when your hands found purchase underneath his tunic. The contrast of your warm hands against his cool and bare chest was a wondrous thing, one that made the both of you flush deeper in heat.

Though, after a while, it was not enough. Your mind still pounded against your skull, a brutal reminder that you needed slumber, and despite Hitoshi’s claims that he could bring that forth to you, he had so far made ill on that promise.

“Hitoshi…” You whimpered out, voice strained as you found it difficult to even speak in your current state.

“Yes, my darling?” Hitoshi mumbled into the skin just below your jaw as he placed a kiss there to try and encourage you to speak more.

It did not work, all he was met with was your continuous stream of discomforted whimpers; the way your brows pinched and furrowed in displeasure was a clear sign to him that he must move faster if he wished to come true with his promise and grant you the sleep you requested.

He tugged at your dress, being mindful of how precious the silk must be for you and thus not wanting to ruin it. Using a tender hand to glide the fabric of your sleeves down your arms to your wrists to allow the material of your bodice to slip under your ribs; effectively it released your breasts and allowed him to gaze in hunger at your chest; his cock stirring as he watched your nipples harden when greeted with the cold air of his home.

He wasted no time, like a man possessed, to trail his lips over your newly exposed, supple flesh. The softness he found caused his cock to twitch harshly as he took the time to kiss up and down the valley between your breasts, as he inhaled the scent of your skin; committing it to memory should he never have the chance to have you like this once more. His dexterous hands began to roll and squeeze at your mounds, biting his lip as he watched the flesh shake in a tantalizing manner before he slipped one of your hardened nipples into his awaiting mouth; his tongue circling around it as he sucked gently upon it. 

Hitoshi wanted nothing more than to garner more noises of pleasure from you as he absently rocked his hips against yours, and groaned into your skin. His other hand undertook the task to play with your skirts, to work in a quickened manner while you were too preoccupied from his mouth to question him as he dragged them up and over your hips so he may have access to your most sacred place; your sweet cunt. 

His teeth, though blunt, left a stinging pain in their wake as he marred and nipped at your supple flesh. It caused your eyes to shoot open as you looked down upon him, his lavender eyes were filled with a lustful haze as they connected with yours; it made your body shudder in his hold as you whined at his cruel action. You could feel him smile upon your skin as he laved over your newly found mark with his tongue.

“Stay awake for just a little longer, my darling,” he cooed, nipping at your skin once more to hear you call out his name in that adorable whine he was starting to love. “That’s it, look at me, keep your eyes open and on me, alright?”

“I-it hurts…!” You jerked your body away from his pinching teeth, your mewl of displeasure following suit.

“Keep looking at me, and do not fall into the grips of dozing.” Hitoshi muttered, pressing a few kisses over the red marks he had given you. “And I promise you that it shall not hurt anymore.”

His deft fingers found your cunt,  spreading your folds open so he may be able to gently pet and coax out further pleasure from your body; to showcase to you that he meant as he said. His middle finger explored, dipping briefly into your leaking entrance, before slowly stroking your little bundle of nerves; groaning at how violently your hips bucked over his slow and deliberate act, how they seemed to follow his hand, greedy for more of his sinful touch. 

Despite his desires otherwise, how he wished to rub harshly upon your puffy clit to hear you wail and cry out for him as you became overwhelmed with ecstasy, he knew you were not restive enough for such a thing. As well, he wanted nothing more than to see your pretty eyes, half-lidded with lust for him, to stay focused upon him. 

He continued his tortuous petting, whispering his fingertips upon your clit but never pressed down before they swiftly moved to poke at your fluttering hole; all the while he smirked into your chest as heard your panting breath. A guttural groan left his parted lips as he finally relented and sunk a finger into you; relishing in your keen of pleasure as your hand came to tug upon his wild mane of violet locks.

You pulled him closer once he breached your weeping cunt, mewling quietly in delight at his skillful and gently petting; though you found that it wasn’t enough. The burning ache of need deep within your core was calling out for release, it heightened the pining to find slumber, as your hips moved against his hand in urgency for him to grant you something more. Your fingernails dug into the skin of his chest and dragged them down toward his hips; it left an angry trail of red in their wake, as your other hand tugged harshly on his mane once more. Calling out his name in a prolonged whine of frustration, not caring over this hiss of pain that sucked through his teeth.

“Getting impatient, are we?” Hitoshi growled, nipping at your neck to feel your yelp beneath his tongue.

“Y-you promised!” You wailed, hands moved to grip his shoulders as you felt his fingers spread within you.

“To not hurt you, indeed I did.” Hitoshi teased, leaning his head back to enjoy the blissful looks upon your face. “Do you not feel good, darling?”

“N-no!” You shook your head before you cried out his name, unable to finish your thought before being lost to the pleasure he brought forth.

“No?” He teased, slowing his fingers until they barely moved within you, chuckling at your bucking hips as you attempted to gain back the stimulation you craved. “Well, my darling, your body is telling me something different.”

If you were more awake, you would feel the heat of embarrassment taking over the flush of desire upon your skin, though at the moment you could not seem to care about decency; your desire to follow through and ultimately find and form of reprieve to your aching body.

“No, you promised to guide me to sleep.” You stuttered out, finally being able to find your voice now that his actions upon your body subsided. “And you’re prolonging that now.”

Hitoshi hummed, stifling another laugh over your petulant state, as his lips kissed upwards your neck and jaw before meeting their intended destination; kissing you languidly like before to placate your rigid state.

“Apologies,” he murmured, breath mingled with yours as he allowed you a chance to catch it. “I was merely just preparing you appropriately so you take my cock with ease. Though you are right; you have waited long enough.”

You squirmed at his words, finding a sense of awkwardness in how crude yet honest, not something you were yet used to from him, as you gripped tightly to the fabric at his shoulders when you felt his fingers leave your cunt; kissing your teeth in a quiet hiss as you feel yourself tighten around nothing.

“Go on now,” Hitoshi whispered, leaning so his back may sit flush against his silver throne, a smirk tugging at his lips. “If you so wish for relief so badly then you may take my cock out to have it.”

He admired the way you so timidly nodded your head at his request before your hands, one filled with trepidation, shook as they lowered to where they needed to be. He felt how gingerly you worked as you adjusted and shifted his robes to unbound his hardened member; he groaned in relief once he felt you delicately free his leaking cock.

If you were not so in need of him at the moment, he would ask you to stroke him; to pump your hand up and down his length until he guided you toward his own euphoria. He supposed he now had more than enough time for such salaciousness at a later date. Instead, he grabbed your waist as he pulled you to sit higher, hovering you over him as he properly aligned himself against your heated core.

Slowly, agonizingly so, he guided your hips downward to impale yourself on him; pressing his lips to yours to shush the aching whimpers that tumbled forth as you felt yourself being stretched to your limit by him; and though you had experience with Hanta, his cock was far thicker than you were ever used to. Hitoshi muttered your praises, telling you of how well you were doing as he slowly filled you full of him.

“You’re doing so well.” He groaned out, teeth gritted as his jaw clamped tightly shut as he did his best not to spill his load into you before he barely had begun to have his fun. “You’re so close, almost there my darling.”

He could tell why Hanta was so fond of you, so unwilling to let you venture off on your own and out of his sight. Your cunt was truly heavenly as it swallowed his cock greedily, already spasming and milking him for what he was worth. He let out a strangled breath, a mixture of a moan and a sigh, once you were fully seated; taking note of your discomfort once more, he rocked your hips back and forth in a lazy, slow, manner until your brows became unpinched and your huffs turned to sighs of pleasure.

“That’s it, good girl…” He sighed out once you took control and swayed your hips on your own, hands glided to your waist to help lift your hips to bounce upward upon him; showcasing to you the gentle rhythm he wanted you to ride him. 

“L-like this?” You asked, as you placed your hands in a more steady position upon his chest as you rolled your hips to glide him in and out of your heat; moaning alongside him when you hit a particularly tender spot within you.

“Fuck yes.” He groaned as he threw his head back for but a moment to relish fully in the euphoric feeling of your tight, dripping, hole.

His hands began to wander again as the slow and unhurried lovemaking progressed. Fingertips took hold and dug into your supple flesh anywhere he could, from the plush of your beautiful thighs, to pinching at your waist, to massaging and groping your breasts. Hitoshi had to distract himself from his more primal urges, to find a use for his body to ensure that his hips didn’t snap up into you. For he was aware of what your exhausted body needed, and that was not being rough.

You cried out sharply when you felt his hand make swift contact with your backside, your supple cheek radiating heat from the pain, as your eyes snapped back onto him; tears formed in your lashes as you blubbered out “what did I do wrong?”

Hitoshi did feel a little guilty, your sad eyes were not something he wished to see, but it was a far better cry than how they drooped just moments prior. His fingers brushed over the sore flesh, as he pressed more soft kisses to your jaw as a way of an apology; taking hold of it, in his other hand, after the peppering of affection

“Look at me, my flower.” He whispered, brows furrowing as he felt you tighten around him. “I need you to look at me, alright?”

You nodded in affirmation to his request with a sniffle, tears still formed upon your lash as you continued to rock your hips against his own; the pleasure overwhelmed you as repeatedly hit the small spongy button within you that made you feel dizzy. Matched that with the fabric of his tunic that caught your clit every time you moved made stars dance across your eyes. It caused you to ascend to your release far quicker than you ever thought possible, as your mewls and babbles of “more” filled the air.

He could tell you were close, given how your walls clamped sporadically around him while you gushed and leaked down onto his thighs. His quiet moans of pleasure melded with your own as he hugged your body tightly against his, as his hips bucked into your own; taking control over you in that primal manner he wished to suppress but could not any longer.

His grip tightened the harsher his hips snapped into you, his heavy cock bullying its way into you to perpetually hit that special spot that made you breathless and squirm within his hold. He was so close to letting go, but he could not do so before you, for he wished for nothing more than to feel your sweet cunt around him as you came.

Your eyes shut tightly as your body seized and gave into the surmounting pleasure and pressure in your core. You wailed out, as those waves crashed into you over and over; your eyes rolled back into your skull as white danced across your vision before you felt yourself go limp against him.

Hitoshi felt your breath against his nape as he held your shaking body against him as he continued to chase his own high. He could tell you were doing your best to stay awake, but how could you? After all, you had climbed a mountain of pleasure before jumping down from it, not even the most powerful of Gods could sway from exhaustion from something such as that.

Yet, despite being stuck between the realm of awake and napping, he could still feel your warm walls clenching in response to his bucking hips. With the knowledge that despite you not being awake you were still reacting to him, your body still obeyed him in some fashion, causing his teeth to clench as he hissed out a final breath before he spilled inside you; filling your pussy completely with his cum.

Hitoshi took a moment to hold your body flush against him as clambered down from his high; placing kisses upon your brow and temple in a prolonged manner to showcase to you his appreciation. He shifted your body to lay more comfortably against his chest once the mood suited him, staying buried deep inside you to ensure that when you woke you would still be filled with his cum, as his hands ran up and down your tired body in a soothing and loving manner.  

“There’s a good little flower,” Hitoshi muttered into your hair, pressing a final kiss to your crown, as he pulled you higher in his hold as he admired your sleeping form. “I’ll take much better care of you than he ever will.”

stay tuned for more~

#stay tuned for as there is one more part to this story~ #shinso x reader #hitoshi shinsou x reader #shinsou hitoshi x reader #hitoshi shinso x reader #shinso hitoshi #shinsou x reader smut #shinso smut #mha x reader #mha fanfic #my hero academia #bnha x reader #bnha fanfic #boku no hero academia #hitoshi shinsou x reader smut #shinsou x reader #🔮.the peddler brews #🔮.potion for shinso

[fandomsoda]

So… we’ve come this far, huh?

Today is officially the one year anniversary of my time on Tumblr, and the one year anniversary of my friendship with the lovely person who is @/dinosaurzzz (the slug cat on the right is its sona!).

It is honestly incomprehensible to me that it has been a full year since I got on this site and honestly it has completely changed my life. I have grown more as a person in this year than I believe I ever have in my whole prior life combined. I have found a community where I am loved, where I am safe, and where I am given the space to learn and grow from my mistakes, and that is completely fucking invaluable to me. And I will forever thank Dino for being the final thing to push me to finally get on this site that I already figured would be perfect for me. It has been such a wild ride, and even if Tumblr has muffled the reach of my posts at the moment, I am going to scream this one from the rooftops, and try to show appreciation for everyone who has helped me along this journey.

First of all shout out to my incredible partner @wishtale-blogs, she is the love and light of my life and she truly understands me and has my back. I never, ever thought that I would meet someone who both gets me completely and contrasts me perfectly and having her in my life is something I would never trade absolutely anything for. When you’re young it seems like destiny for partnerships to fall apart simply by nature of it being so early in life, but I genuinely feel as if this is unshakable, and I’m just.. so happy to have her.

And with that I’d next like to shout out our adoptive sons, @karineverse and @the-selfmade-gods. Both of you are absolute angels, lights of my life and people that I would protect with my life. Thank you so much for being here for me and being here for all of your friends and staying strong through all you’ve been through. I’m proud of you, truly I am so proud of you and I love you as if you were my own flesh and blood.

Now, I am going to list out every single person I can think of whom I consider a friend. There will not be elaboration here as this post will be long enough as-is, but just know that I could write a blurb for each of you for why I adore you so much, some of you a whole essay. If your name is not here and you consider us friends, do not hesitate to message or ask me about it, I never want to leave people out and I know how anxiety-inducing it can be to not wind up on one of these lists with someone you care about. That being said, here are the names of all of my amazing friends, in no particular order:

@twinklesporkle, @justanidiotartist, @nyxus-nyx, @jupiter-nwn, @rib-rabbitmask, @still-got-no-idea, @liliallowed, @ashburntcat, @ponnedapple, @person-of-many-names, @itzcherrybonbon, @spamsbylee, @nevil-gonslek, @duckielikeserror, @psycho-chair, @letsatomicbanana, @starmonsterrr, @midnightstarshadow, @colorfulpaintspills, @kenopsia-ksp, @autisticseapanda, @hiro-doodlez, @cherrio-krispz, @emerald-onion, @the-save-star-anomaly, @everydaygremlin, @dreamsb0u, @skylerfurmaniac, @meimeikyu, @silly-inksans-stuff, @sketchingstars03, @shenanogram, @sargentvenipede

And with these friends, I’d also like to take a moment to thank followers of mine who I’ve never known super personally but still value immensely. I don’t truly know you guys, but you seem amazing, thank you so much for being here.

@hex0code, @cherrifruiti, @gloomywoomymoon, @atherflame-theconcubus, @neonordream, @finleyforevermore, @epicnightm, @youracecard, @pearbranch14823, @palisadewasp @wolvesbaneandbuttercups, @crunchontoast, @bloomyspring

Thank all of you so, so much. There would probably be more names but there is a mention limit of 50, so I had to cut some down. Either way, thank you all a million, you all mean so much to me and I think this day is truly going to be the start of a new beginning.

And to all the people who would have been here, the friends who should have been here but aren’t…

if it’s simply because we haven’t talked in a while, I hope you’re alright and I miss you.

but if it’s because you’ve harmed me, I still hope you’re alright and growing as a person. I’m sorry we didn’t work out and I promise I miss the you that I knew. I wish that things had happened differently, and even though you’re likely not seeing this I hope today can be the start of new beginnings for you too. Thanks for the impacts that you’ve left on me, even if those are scars. You guys have also helped make me into who I am, and without hardship it would be hard for me to learn.

Here’s to a new day, and any more lovely years to come.

#original art #digital art #blogaversary #one year on tumblr #my sona #sona art #friend’s sona

[heichou-ackerman]

Texting Levi fluff

Levi hates texting but he likes you. Another modern!AU which I am re-uploading since tumblr was stupid about it

TW: Some slight cussing but nothing MORE

It was rare for Levi to actually utilize his phone for  anything more than just make necessary calls, checking the weather, and keeping up to date with his monthly Tea Box subscription.

Lately, however, he found himself spending more time watching the bright screen on his phone, face scrunched up, as he began to understand the means of what it meant to actually meant to maintain consistent communication.

Unfortunately for him, you seemed to have a knack for coercing him to text you throughout the day no matter how busy he actually was with his actual work or with his own personal chores.

He both liked and hated this about you. Although your apparent clingy behavior was charming at best, it was a bit exhausting for the introverted man to keep up with some of your needs.

Like clockwork, your good morning texts would pop up at almost the exact same time every weekday (he actually began to depend on that more to wake up than his actual alarm). He learned the hard way you really had expectations of him texting you back and in maintaining a conversation with you from morning to night, at least during the days where you both were unable to see each other.

It was a pain in the ass.. Single word responses were insufficient to satisfy your need to drag out his opinion about a variety of things, ranging from your choice of lunch for the day and where he saw himself in ten years. He really didn’t understand why you valued his opinion so much about these things or why it was important for you to know.

>where do you see yourself in 10 years Levi? :)

> I dont know.

>Come on! Do you wanna live in a different city or something like that?

> I see myself being 10 years older

>You suck

He got a bit better over time, unaware of how he began to think a little more in depth about his responses to you. If he was curt and short, you would become upset at him. When it was something more of a slight flirtatious advance, his screen would be filled with heart emojis. He wouldn’t admit it but there was some satisfaction in seeing you reply eagerly to him. A curious feeling but not a bad one.

>cant wait to see your face on the weekend!

>you literally saw me yesterday

>so you dont wanna see me then?

>I didnt say that

>so you are excited to see me too :)

>I didnt say that either

>awe, getting tired of me already I see

>I told you Im not going to respond to anything stupid you say

>You just did! :D

>everything you say is stupid so Im at a loss

He wondered  if you acted this way with anyone else. He supposed, the way you tended to be, that you were equally as warm and inviting to most of your circle. Not to say, he wanted to have this particular ‘treatment’ for himself only, but it genuinely felt like you did dedicate most of the day to stay in touch with him as much as you could.

In the past, Levi would had found this overwhelming. He appreciated his friendships and relationships with others, but he was also someone who valued his privacy, and most people in his semi social circle understood this of him. He would be the type to hang out a Saturday evening and then would be completely out of reach for the rest of the month, which was minimal for him. He was unbothered for most of the time, which to be fair, is the way he preferred it.

Once you and him became an item however, there was a noted disruption in this rather, exclusive lifestyle of his. It wasn't awful but it was something he was not attuned to, so it made things feel awkward during some of these interactions.  Despite his standoffish demeanor and his lack of substance in some of his messages, you still kept at it. You didn't shy away from him or even become too upset when his responses seemed bland or cold. It seemed like you had an understanding of the type of person he was, but you still wanted to simply spend as much time in touch with him as possible. You genuinely craved for his attention and treated it as something important and precious.   And this simple fact made him like you so much. So, he would make an effort.

---

After a long day at his office job, Levi arrived home, throwing his belongings onto his couch, not caring much about things spilling out, and flopping onto his bed, a deep sigh coming out from his nose.   It was a shitty day at the office to say the least, which soured his mood for most of the day. As usual, you made attempts to message him throughout the work day, but he would be lying if he said there was a bare minimum effort at responding back to you. He knew you were probably peeved off at his lack of consistency for today, but he was far too exhausted to really explain himself about the matter.

He closed his eyes for a bit, feeling he might literally drift of to sleep still in his day clothes, when he felt the vibrations from his phone go off in his pocket. He groaned slightly, knowing only one person in the world would message him at such a time. He reached into his pocket to pull it out, squinting at the bright screen to see your name pop up with the following message:

> are you mad at me? :(

Jesus fucking Christ. He knew if he began to entertain the conversation (and no he wasn't mad at you), he would probably be up for another couple of hours trying to reassure you of this fact. He debated to leave it as it was for the sake of being able to go to sleep, but at the risk of you blowing up his phone the entire night.   "Goddammit." He muttered to himself. He sighed heavily, bracing for the worst as he gave into it and began to message you.

>no, long day at work

There, that should be sufficient, right?

Not even five seconds later, he saw those three dots appear, indicating you were messaging him back. He pictured you literally hunched over your phone like some gremlin, texting him rapidly.

>awe, im sorry to hear that. you home now?

Okay, not too bad. It seemed like you were considerate of his situation at the moment. He blinked forcefully, feeling his eyelids begin to droop as he stared at your response on his screen. No, he wouldn't be able to last long like this, he might as well just cut it short.

>yeah im home, super tired, need to sleep.

He hit the send button and set his phone down, allowing his eyes to droop shut, feeling the inbound sleep coming to him. He would literally be able to fall asleep and wake up in the same position the following morning, and for a couple of minutes, it felt as if this would be the case.

And then his phone begins to ring.

His eyes shoot out open as he become startled by his ringtone, and by nature, he immediately picks up the phone, being met with its bright screen.

It was you. Of course it was.

Levi rubbed his hand over his face, muttering curses at you and at the situation. It really didn't even fucking matter at this point if he tried ignoring you. He sighed heavily as he lazily answered, bringing you over to his ear.

"What." He muttered, not even as a question.

He could hear you slightly giggling over the other line, which made him kind of irritated. He told you how tired he was, we’re you really just fucking with him?

"Just wanted to check in to see if you're okay. But I can tell that you are super sleepy." He heard you on the other line.

"Yeah." He replied simply. "I told you I was."

"Sorry. You mentioned you had a hard day at work, I figured you wanted to talk about, buuuut I didn't think you'd be this tired. You usually stay up pretty late, even during your worst days."

Well, you weren't wrong about that. He would usually be a night owl most weekday evenings, entertaining your text shenanigans well off into midnight.

"I'm fine." He iterated, allowing his phone to fall next to his head, close enough to still hear you. He kept his eyes closed, still somewhat attentive to you. "Work was shit but I'm fine. Sleepy."

"Want me to tell you a bed time story?" You asked softly, jokingly of course.

"No. "

"Didn't think you'd want one. Want me to sing you a lullaby?"

"No, fucking weirdo."

“Kidding, kidding. Kinda sucks, but I’d be so down to just do that thing you like me to do to you. If I was there of course.”

He raised a slight eyebrow, eyes narrowing slightly towards his ceiling. “I literally don’t have the energy to talk nasty right now.”

“No!” You exclaimed. “Not that stupid. I meant like, that one night when I was playing with your hair and you fell asleep on my lap.” He hummed in consideration. “Ah, yeah. Maybe. That was nice.” It wasn’t too long ago, but it was another of those exhausting evenings for him, similar to this one. You mindlessly began to run your fingers through his hair, coaxing him to rest on your lap as you minded yourself on your phone. Your fingers were soft and it seemed like they knew exactly which parts of his scalp would respond the best. It was no secret he enjoyed your pampering from time to time, although he would never directly ask you for it. He would always hope you would initiate it however and it seemed as if you had an intuition of when he really needed. This being one of those times.

You chuckled softly on the other line. "Okay, okay, let me leave you be then sleepy head. Can I text you tomorrow then?"

Why the hell are you asking that?

You didn’t need his permission to do so, and its not like you ever asked him for it.

"Why are you asking that?" He asked you bluntly, his voice low.

You stayed quiet for a bit on the other line for a bit, and Levi could feel the hesitation from you.  "Don't know. Just wanted to be a bit considerate."

Considerate? Considerate of what?

He should really go to bed, he thought. But there was something weird about you right now.

"What's with you?" He continued to probe. "You're being weirder than usual."

"Gee, thanks." You respond dramatically. "But nothing is wrong, I just wanna be considerate of, your time lets say."

He sighed loudly enough for you to be able to hear him on the other line. "Okay, I'm too tired to be subtle about it. What's wrong? What did I do?”

" "Nothing Levi!" You exclaim with a laugh. "I just wanna be mindful of not bothering you too much during the day, especially when you got all this stuff to do at work. I realize I can be a little too demanding of your attention, but I also don't want you to feel obligated as well. Hence...why I asked if it was okay."

Yeah, he agreed in his mind that you were a little bit demanding at times with this, but you weren’t overtly intrusive about it. Plus, if he was actually bothered by it, what was stopping him from simply blocking your messages during his shift? He obviously didn't do it because he didn't think of it that way.

"Don't be stupid." He replied lowly. "Let's be real, you'd lose your shit if I didn't reply to you during the day. Regardless, I'm fine, it doesn't bother me."

"You sure?" You asked a bit skeptically. He could tell you were genuine about all of this, and even if you did like to be overtly clingy, he understood you were capable of understanding necessary boundaries about things. He would never admit it to you, but you were capable of making mature choices about things.

He kept thinking of that particular pout you'd make when you tried to be serious with him. He didn't know if you made it on purpose but it was a rather cute feature about you. He imagined you making that same face right now as you tried to see if he was actually okay with you. He felt a smile form on his face.

"I'm sure, you brat." He responded back. "I enjoy talking to you, it makes work a bit more bearable. So stop asking me for permission like some kid."

He could hear you hum rather approvingly on the other line. "Okie dokie then. But legit, go ahead at get some rest. I'll check in with you in the morning yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Good night, love you."

He grunted back to you as his response. Yeah, he was still like that about those words. It was hard for him to say it back to you without feeling the need to be swallowed whole by the entire earth. He did care deeply for you, without a doubt, but it was as if he physically couldn't utter those things to you. At least not yet, it was still a work in progress.

You hung up on him on your end, and Levi rolled over to his side, breathing in deeply. An image of you kept popping into his head, wondering how this conversation may have ended in person. He wondered what kind of stupid face you'd be making or how annoying you'd be with your necessity to touch and hold him. He imagined a situation where you'd get upset at him for swatting his hand away, unaware that he would do it on purpose just to rile you up and to encourage you to forcefully grab a hold of it. He felt a crooked smile form on his face as he recalled your goodbye to him, your soft voice lulling him in his head as he felt a need to share the same sentiment to you in some way.

He rolled over back in his original position, eyes slowly peering open as he grabbed his phone, slowly tapping on its screen, soon pressing send to you before finally drifting off to sleep.

>I love you too.

#levi ackerman #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman x you #levi x you #aot x you #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #captain levi

[indiaalphawhiskey]

Hi, I want to work through something because I want to be able to enjoy my time in this fandom and support Harry and Louis as they are now. Unfortunately, I can't help but be incredibly disappointed in the decisions that HL have made. Let me preface this by saying that I am aware of how entitled and selfish I sound but emotions sometimes override logic.

I had really big and unfair expectations of Harry and Louis. I honestly thought after One Direction they would come out and start their solo careers on an authentic and free foundation. They had the potential to be such an inspiring and important power couple in the industry and society in general. I pictured them being an amazing source of representation, attending charity events and talking about important issues. All the while staying intensely private. It's this wasted potential that I really struggle to accept. I also have a sneaking suspicion that the Harry and Louis from 2014/15 would be a bit disappointed in where they are now, not on the career front but having a fake son and still kissing supermodels.

As someone who doesn't place a great deal of value on things like career and ambition it's disappointed me how they've chosen that above all else. I believe there are more important things in life. Again, I know how all this sounds but no matter how hard I try I can't help how I feel. But I want to change because I want to be able to enjoy the people that HL are now. It's hard because I'm not here for their careers I'm here for them purely as people and as a couple.

Hi! So first, I’d like to say that I really appreciate the openness of your tone, even though we have quite different opinions. I’m going to strive to match that openness in my response, and if I fall short, I apologize in advance. It’s not at all my intention to come off as rude or aggressive, I just want to challenge your way of thinking about activism, authenticity, and the roles their careers play in that.

You say you’re not here for their careers. You’re here for them as people and as a couple. You don’t seem to see those two are directly interlinked.

The only reason we have access to them as people/as a couple, is because they both chose to continue their careers in the public. They both could have easily chosen to take a step back and work in the background (music production, management, etc.), which would mean no drama. Maybe would’ve meant a bigger chance for them to come out publicly.

But that would have also meant no content. No music, no pap pics, no articles (barring maybe one or two about a charity event, if what you imagined came true). That means no safe spaces at their concerts. No flag waving. No speeches about acceptance, and I need you, you need me, about your body, your choice, about helping people come out… No lyrics about all this time, and we could be lucky again, and you can throw a party full of everyone you know, and we’ll be alright…

No input, no… personality. So who would you be loving? Who would you be here for, exactly? Who would you be supporting? A snapshot of who they were as people/as a couple? The idealized fantasy of a power couple? The people you remember they were seven years ago?

Related to that, I understand that explicit activism is important to you. I understand that you understand that you’ve placed a lot of expectations on them that aren’t fair. Why you’ve done that could be for many reasons — maybe that’s how you personally choose to connect with the queer community, maybe you feel like if you had their platform and their resources, that’s what you would do, I don’t know.

But everything you’ve mentioned (“…come out and start their solo careers on an authentic and free foundation. They had the potential to be such an inspiring and important power couple in the industry and society in general. I pictured them being an amazing source of representation, attending charity events and talking about important issues…”)

Well… who’s to say this isn’t “authentically” who they are (while still working to preserve other things that are important to them, like the privacy of their relationship and their opportunity to make art), even without being “out” and “out together”? Who’s to say they aren’t currently an amazing source of representation? Who’s to say they aren’t talking about important issues?

Because, to me, they are. They may not be doing it at the helm of a pride parade in a rainbow mankini making out in front of news cameras.

But isn’t it equally as important to hold spaces for queer people to just gather and experience joy? Isn’t it equally as important to be verbal about challenging adversity and coming out on top? Isn’t it equally as important to make coming out to one’s parents a communal, celebratory fantastic memory instead of something that’s solitary and filled with fear? Isn’t equally important to prop up young musicians and show them someone with power will be kind, will be supportive, will open doors for them?

There’s value in pragmatic, maybe even implicit, forms of “activism”, too. There’s value in championing life and love and kindness and joy and upholding it for the people who can’t uphold it for themselves. (And it’s especially meaningful coming from two people in such a historically abusive, conservative, homophobic industry.) There’s value in using your time in the spotlight for the benefit of your actual fans.

TL;DR I guess what I’m saying is, we all seem to uphold this gold standard of activism to the letter, and assume that anything less than that isn’t activism, isn’t authenticity, isn’t representation. But having such a rigid definition of “doing good” for a community negates the constant and consistent representation and good they’ve both fought to be able to do.

You said a lot more in your anon, but this is really all I have energy to answer. If it doesn’t change your mind, that’s okay. If it’s still not enough for you, that’s okay too. It doesn’t, and won’t ever, negate everything they’ve done for me and for others.

Maybe one day you’ll find your way back, or maybe you’ll find a couple that represents you the way you need to be represented. Until then, all the best. 🤍

#iaw ask #iaw anonymous #larry #activism #queerness #representation #discourse #long post

[anachronistic-falsehood]

Ok before I answer any more asks, I feel like I need to get my full thoughts out there. This might be a bit long, but I have a lot to say.

First off: I am very impressionable. I always have been and I always will be. I am well aware of this. When people tell me things, I often believe them at face value. I’m trying to get better at that, which is why I tried to stay neutral this time around when everything first came out. Then I removed myself from the situation for a couple days, came back to it today, forgot to beat my hyper empathy into submission for ten minutes, and found myself almost believing him one hundred percent. I almost forgot about his first response, where he lashed out and threatened to sue people over this. I also tend not to focus on situations like this often because it’s really bad for my POCD. I am bad at this. I need to preface this post by saying that.

I don’t support Forever anymore. I can’t, not after everything that’s happened over the past few days, especially after seeing his original reaction, which was to get mad and threaten to sue and to brush it all off as just twitter drama. And he still brushed it all off as twitter drama in this most recent stream. He didn’t even acknowledge how old the alleged victim was, which means a lot of people who only knew of this through his streams don’t know that he flirted with multiple girls as young as 13. He said it was just jokes, but he did privately message at least one of these girls and meet her in real life, even if it was within a group of people. Things can happen even within a crowd.

There had to have been more things that happened behind the scenes for all of his friends to suddenly drop him. Whether it was some kind of proof that he was aware this was wrong as he did it, or if he lashed out at the other ccs for initially unfollowing him when this all came out, I don’t know. But he handled this very immaturely in his first response without even looking into the issue, and I don’t feel right supporting him anymore.

Still, and hate me for this if you want, I can’t help but sympathize with him a little bit. I know, I know, but I was a shitty person when I was a teenager, and I’m constantly paranoid that things I’ve done or said will stick with me forever or come back around to bite me in the ass. Hell, I have done and said things when I was 17 that would get me dogpiled on twitter if I was a cc. I do understand why he was upset. Knowing that he has mental health issues because of repeated twitter hate mobs does make me feel sorry for him in that regard. Just because being exposed for past actions may have been deserved this time doesn’t mean that excessive hate was deserved every single time, nor is it deserved for every cc who has fucked up in the past.

However, he was very immature with his initial response, and him pushing this off as just a twitter cancellation is enough to tell me that he does not quite see that he was in the wrong. He keeps saying that he’s matured and that he’s better now, as if that alone is supposed to absolve him of any kind of responsibility. I think he handled this wrong, and I don’t want to support him anymore.

As for q!Forever, I know he has a lot of similarities to the cc. That will be too hard to look past for a lot of people, and if you don’t want to engage in content that includes him anymore, that’s well within your rights. I still love q!Forever despite that, and I personally will still consume content that includes him, and I don’t want to write him out of the story of the smp. We can do the same thing we did for c!Dream and basically adopt him as our own oc. q!Forever can be our character now if we want him to be, and we can still acknowledge that Forever put a lot of work and thought into his character and appreciate what he did for the smp while not supporting him as a creator anymore.

And finally, I also don’t like the way that this entire situation was handled in general by the fanbase. The person who did this (as far as I’m aware) was dedicated to going after ccs for generally trivial things. If they wanted justice for this, why not bring it up before now? Why not before he joined the smp? And the victim didn’t want any part in this as far as I know, and yet people went after her demanding comments on the situation. Twitter kept celebrating the ccs dropping Forever like it was some fun party, just like people have been doing for the whole Dream situation. Twitter hasn’t handled this with any sort of tact whatsoever, and many of us here on tumblr (myself included) have been more invested in arguing and over correcting our own actions and phrasing when some biased people bring up invalid points to actually step back and take a break.

We’ve all been on the defence from each other. People on here have criticized each other’s views, invalidated other people’s experiences, and thrown insults and names at each other like this is a playground fight instead of a serious situation. The situation is over. Let’s just breathe.

#forever situation #qsmp #you guys can come into my inbox if you want to talk about all this yourself!! #can’t guarantee I’ll have any more comments to make #my intrusive thoughts are killing me right now and i feel like shit but i would love to hear from the rest of you #we’re in this together u guys

[dungeonmalcontent]

So, I'd like to showcase a few things that I've put on DMsGuild because there's a whole lot more now.

I want to start off with Grimdark & Dangerous. Follower turnover is pretty high on Tumblr, and people go inactive pretty quick. So many people that see this will not be familiar with G&D. It was a huge project for me and I am very proud of it.

Grimdark & Dangerous is a 5e d&d homebrew book available for purchase on DMsGuild for $19.99. It comes as a PDF (for now) and is 159 pages of content geared towards gritty aesthetics. You can follow this link to see my full post on the book or the DMsGuild page here. It has a lot of content and is more than worth the price tag.

While G&D is my biggest item on DMsGuild, I have a nice handful of middle sized docs as well. These are mostly pay what you want (PWYW) titles and quite old. They are also more prone to errors and unintelligible text (where I just started writing and went into a stupor and created something I no longer fully understand).

+ Ancient Artifice Primer for Modern Practitioners (PWYW) - A magic item crafting system which can allow players to create magic items with some degree of value based balancing. It doesn't cover as much as it should in my opinion and is one of those unintelligible texts. However, I do still appreciate my very limited world-building of early runic magic and early graphic design work.

+ Better Backgrounds: 5e Character Building Alternative (PWYW) - A short book on how players can build characters without relying on race based ability score increases. I built on this premise in Grimdark & Dangerous and I'm still quite proud of how I did it in Better Backgrounds. This is a much rougher document than G&D and the writing has a handful of errors, but still decent.

+ The Inheritor: An Artifact and Exploration Class (PWYW) - A homebrew class option. I always say that if you want to play in a game and have a strong connection to the setting, run vestiges (Critical Role), or have a complex backstory this is the class for you. Inheritor characters come with a prebuilt artifact which functions as a growing magic item. You get to customize the item and there is a lot of variability to what your item can do (also includes a modular builder if you aren't very creative). Still pretty proud of this.

+ Mystic Revised (PWYW) - A full remake of the mystic UA class using my own opinions of what it should be. It's based, roughly, on the Nen system in Hunter x Hunter. It's a pretty fun class, but is not very mystic/psionic-y.

+ An Outcast's Notes on the Plane of Pensos - A Planar Adventure Setting for 5e (PWYW) - Don't pay money for this one unless you really genuinely love it. It's an outline and not worth much (IMO). Technically, it can't really even be sold on DMsGuild because it constitutes a homebrew setting (which they don't allow). I created it because I ran (and still do run) this setting and figured it could be a fun thing to share.

+ Plague Pestilence Parasite (PWYW) - A disease book that introduces new mechanics for how contagious diseases spread and how they can be integrated into 5e adventure settings. It also includes a handful of new diseases of varying danger (not all of which are actually threats to player characters). Still a decent book, though I now recognize it lacks some clear writing and has a handful of errors (I may come back and redo this book at some point).

+ Plague Pestilence Parasite: Avolakia Overrun (PWYW) - I don't think I'm really fit to write actual adventure modules, and this book is why. It is an adventure module written to use the rules in Plague Pestilence Parasite. It is still technically an open beta test. It's not unplayable, but I don't think it represents an adventure that players would latch on to (feel free to prove me wrong).

+ The Emissary: An Extraplanar Class (PWYW) - One of my first docs. It's a homebrew class heavily inspired by the Fate/Stay series (has nothing to do with any of the core themes/tropes/abilities of any Fate title) and is actually way more fun than it may sound. The premise: you get a little pocket dimension to store things in and it gives you a variety of powers (the ability to make a little nature preserve, become an auto-crafter, or be Gilgamesh in UBW and launch items at people).

Then there are smaller docs. These are moderately more expensive than most of my short docs (will list those later) but have a significant amount more content than my short docs. These are more recent docs and I generally have higher opinions of them because I was more skilled when I made them.

+ Grimdark Puzzles ($5) - An extension of the themes present in Grimdark & Dangerous. This document contains three (technically 5-6 depending on how you think about it) puzzles that present unique puzzles with dark aesthetics. I really like this doc.

+ From the Dwarven Vault ($1.50) - An item collection themed for dwarven cultures. This does rely a lot on dwarven stereotypes in fantasy, but I did get to bring in some fun things (like burial armor and the DUBA) that I think most people would really appreciate having in their games for lore and aesthetics. Also includes some content for rune carving.

+ From the Elven Vault ($1.50) - Like FTDV, this is a collection of items themed for elves. However, this one is a bit different. While Dwarves are smiths and warriors, elves are crafters. Not just of metal, but most mediums and particularly with mediums that take a great deal of time. If you like crafting in campaigns (if artificer is your favorite class), you want to take a look here because I added in crystal singing and there are three new sets of artisan's tools.

+ Lich Minions: A Lair Building Guide ($2.50) - I really liked making this doc and I am very happy with it. This is a guide for making lairs when your BBEG is a lich. It includes a variety of undead themed minions and how they fit into a lich's minion hierarchy. Each minion has some unique difference from their generic variety or are outright unique, they all have stat blocks. This is a really good resource if you want to do a short dungeon run campaign or a siege campaign. I plan on making more docs like this and I really enjoy this format.

Finally, I have my short docs (there's a lot of these). For simplicity I'll break these into two sub-categories: "Encounter With" and "Subclass".

The “encounter with” docs are short docs that include information on a unique or updated monster, a specific NPC, or a type of NPC. Each is given a stat block, has an outline of what kind of hazards are in the same area as this creature, and lists what kind of loot you might be able to gather from encountering this monster. These encounters include:

+ Archchancellor Ensiid

+ Dracolich Gollryn

+ The Athach

+ The Beholdra

+ The Boom Goblin

+ The Chaos Beast

+ The Destrachan

+ The Drow Paleweaver

+ The Introspective Terror

+ The Lifeblood Magus

+ The Musclemancer

+ The Non-Phaneron Beast (note the cover of this doc is intentional, as the beast does not have a visible form)

+ The Pale Widow

+ The Silkscale Coiler

+ The Soliptic Nightmare

+ The Sunken Effigy

+ The Venomous Plesiodrake

+ The Werewolf Lord

(I feel like I'm missing one...). All encounters have a $0.50 or $0.75 price tag depending on if the encounter features an original or converted stat block.

The subclasses are just that, subclass docs. I really love making subclasses and I try not to burn out on them because I have so many subclass WIPs I want to do. These subclasses include:

+ Druid: Circle of the Grove (Plant druid. Why doesn't this exist already?)

+ Druid: Circle of Witchcraft (Discworld witches, love this one)

+ Fighter: Blade Drifter (I just want to link a song from the Sonic Riders franchise here, but they're all so corny)

+ Ranger: Hell Skulker (nine hells/abyss ranger, also really like this one)

+ Warlock: The Greatwyrm (DRAGON PATRON! Why doesn't this exist already?)

These subclasses all have a $0.75 price tag. I will probably be making a lot more of these, they just take a bit longer than the encounter docs.

#d&d #dnd #homebrew #dungeons and dragons #5e #ttrpg #fantasy #grimdark & dangerous #writing #masterlist

[like-rain-or-confetti]

Black Mask/Riddler/Mad Hatter with an S/O with pretty bad identity issues, maybe? Like every other month (or sooner) they hyperfixate on a new Persona to be. No sense of self, idk.

Your writing is the fucking best

Omg thank you so much 🥺❤️

So I took this as constant personality changes and fixations it be something different. If I got it wrong I am so sorry!

Relationships weren't easy all the time. Relationships were even more complicated when it came to dating a rogue. Now sprinkle in some self-identity issues and a constantly changing personality. Yeah, it's a strange relationship yet somehow it works none the less. However, it made the rogues s/o very unpredictable and not even the Batman could really make a consistent assumption about the s/o

Black Mask: His partner is going to have a very difficult time proving to him that they aren't being fake with these constant changes. Roman won't appreciate it, and his relationships are really dependent on consistent traits that are honest. He won't be able to form a real connection to this kind of person, and the relationship will be quick to fail when Roman gets frustrated and loses patience.

The Riddler: "An enigma are they not, Dark Knight?" He'd seem smug, thinking his partner could even stump the Batman, being too unpredictable to determine the partners next move, and that would be right up Edward's alley, right? So, on the surface, he'd want everyone to think the relationship is perfect, but truth be told, Edward is too controlling to handle this. He needs everything to stay a certain way, in order, at his command. To have a partner that constantly switches up on him has him stressing and freaking out because he can't control that. Furthermore, he can't predict what traits, values, etc will stay and what will go.

Mad Hatter: Here's something frightening. Jervis wouldn't notice this. I think there are periods of his life that he doesn't know what's up or down. Meaning, i think he'd know his partner exists, but the tiny details to him, such as personality, would go right over his head. Yes, I did just describe something so fundamental as a personality in a relationship as a 'tiny detail' to Jervis, because that's how warped his perception is. The most consistent thing in his life is Alice and himself and the how, when and why he got to be where he is today is often blurred. Jervis often gets confused about his own sense of self and why he's doing anything. Naturally, this makes keeping up with his partners changes incredibly difficult and unnoticed ad it would imply he was clear headed and remembered everything about his partner. He's simply used to them.being there and that's where the love comes in.

#batman #request #batman villains #batman scenarios #black mask #the riddler #mad hatter #edward nygma #jervis tetch #roman sionis

[mysticbewitched]

Hi! How are you? I hope you're having an amazing day. I found your blog this morning and i resonate with you so much! I agree with everything you said. I never really agreed with the other nd bloggers' teachings because I've always had the same perspective as you! But unfortunately, i wasn't brave enough to trust myself and follow my beliefs, so for a long time up until now I've been forcing myself to get the mindset "everything is an illusion, nothing exists, everything is meaningless". To be honest, i didn't want to view the illusionary world that way, but i thought that that's the only truth and the only right way. What i wanted was to make my human experience as beautiful as possible and enjoy it, while knowing my true nature. But according to that mindset "there is not a human experience, there is nothing to make beautiful, just be, blah blah blah" I WAS FEELING SICK OMGJSJD

Anyway, thank you for creating this blog and for not being afraid to stand up for your beliefs even though everybody else is saying that they are limiting or wrong. I read your replies to those people and i think you handled the situation so maturely. I hope that people learn to respect others' views, instead of thinking that any opinion which doesn't match with theirs is wrong and feeling the need to correct it. "This isn't what nd/av is about", i though that nd is just a concept and it doesn't exist...?

Always be brave enough to trust yourself, love.

Stay true to what feels right deep in your heart.

You never ever have to force yourself into a mindset that makes you feel uncomfortable and most especially when it doesn't resonate with you.

I'm so incredibly glad and relieved that you understand where I am coming from.

I want to share that I agree completely with everything you said. The sheer lack of respect and acceptance for other unique views is insane.

It's such a breath of fresh air to hear that we share the exact same perspective.

This physical experience as God in human form is such a damn beautiful gift, you know?

Awareness manifested itself into human form and the entire physical experience in order to embrace and enjoy the absolute magnificent beauty of this whole entire human experience which is filled with so much deep meaning and valuable moments to treasure. I just don't understand why it is the end of the world because I simply wish to acknowledge the human experience and all of its divinely crafted beauty. The human form and this whole human experience in its entirety is a beautiful manifestation in itself. The illusions here are that there's no objective physical world here and the deceptive appearance of separation among everyone. It's all from the boundless divinity of awareness.

I choose to enjoy my own life while knowing my true self and boundless nature as the divine source of everything in human existence. I strongly believe in having a delicate balance between enjoying the human aspects of myself while identifying with my true self as awareness. This would allow one to live with endless freedom, empowerment, liberation, and inner peace without feeling the need to deny their human forms and the whole human experience.

You should do the very same if that's what truly resonates with you and speaks to your heart. Always listen to your heart and what feels right to you.

It will never steer you wrong and allow you to live an incredibly beautiful life aligned with your personal beliefs and values.

You keep your head held high even when the whole world is against your views and you make the most damn beautiful beautiful human experience ever.

Thank you so very much for your kind words and appreciation. I wish you so much love and happiness on your own spiritual path. 🖤

[makima-s-most-smile]

Trigun Maximum 7.2

Outside is a nice thunderstorm. There was a lightningstrike up close that was so strong I felt it rumble in the ground. *happy lizard* Sadly, I cannot stand outside to get peltered by those thicc, heavy raindrops. *somethingsomethingbeingasaneperson*

Much babble, but hopefully less heavy than the last post.

04: Bastards and the blues

What a title…

Considering where Wolfwood comes from… cynicism is a coping mechanism… He doesn’t hit the nail on the head, but at least he cares about Vash, he tries to egg him on to talk about it. Not that Vash would ever take him up on it…

I just like this panel of Wolfwood. He looks so roughed up. Cutie.

Others have already talked about Vash. But how is Wolfwood coping? He is like so often all about Vash, but what about him and his needs? He got massively hurt in the fight with Midvalley, got fried by Vash’ power, tried to at least get Meryl&Milly out, because he himself can’t. His orphanage is still at stake. And he, like Vash, does not open up and takes it all upon himself. But unlike Vash, whose end goal is vaguely saving all of humanity from Knives, his goal is so much clearer but is absolutely dependent on Vash. Who is like this… And not a help at all.

Vash and Wolfwood vibes. The upbeat idiot and his himbo follower.

What can I say but mob mentality, again? These are humanity's worst. How can people be so feral about killing an innocent and then turn around calling Vash a monster? Hypocrisy at work. Seeing this and still keeping onto his goal of saving everyone… 

Vash feels different here. This is Vash staying peaceful out of spite. He is hurt, he is at a loss, but he is unable to stray from his ideals. This Vash may even feel like he agrees with Knives, though he knows better than to act upon it. It would help talking about it with someone… Like that weird priest with the portable confessionary. I am sure you get a discount.

Correction, the guy is Vash with more selfworth and less selfhate. Vash just puts himself down and suffocates any talk about himself. This guy really wanted to get to know Vash as a person. But Vash denies him that. Sure, he answers truthfully, but it drowns the conversation. Vash does it intentionally. And that guy zooms in on why.

I love how soft Wolfwood looks in these panels. With “Double Team” this chapter is one of my favourites, just for the expressions. But he also looks like he is about to break down, too. But he is all about Vash.

While Vash is basically coping with alcohol, Wolfwood is swallowing his guilt and pain about his mission coming to an end soon, and the situation he will lead Vash into. I feel so much more for Wolfwood here.

Vash is coping badly and denying any help and closeness, most likely also due to the aftermath of dragon’s nest district and Colnago. He was shunned for what he is. But at the same time, he has people at his side and Vash doesn’t seem to value them. That is new people, like the two outsiders who make their living at the edge of society and known people, like Wolfwood. And I am starting to grow more and more miffed at Vash for that. Vash is so much about his difference from humans that he is unable to see the humans that reach out to him, that want him at their side. But he seems only aware of those that don’t. Talk about Vash ignoring what he preaches.

Vash doesn’t appreciate or understand the meaning this little place has, he is too occupied with drinking away his pain. But Wolfwood does and he looks extremely grateful. Grateful enough that he chooses to let down his mask a bit and relax. And I am emotional about this. Vash is lonely in company, while Wolfwood is truly sidelined, truly the caretaker and truly alone with all the responsibility. But at least the old lady gives him some kind of respite. Heck, I am grateful for the old lady, too! I love her. Bartenders can truly be angels.

Vash is at a lowpoint. His true regret and depression shines through. One-eye is the same. Granny’s summary puts One-eye and Vash both on the same level. I take back my words that he has less self hatred than Vash. They are the same, they mirror each other. Both are outsiders with regrets about the past that are shunned again and again by society. But they keep on trying.

Forgetting your hurt and moving on… But in the end coming back to the same coping mechanism called alcohol. I do not truly agree, but I don’t think I truly get what One-Eye is saying, either. It sounds like the depressed kind of nihilism. But I think he gets Vash’ feeling of loneliness and hopelessness. That he will always return to being alone. It’s just that… I don’t think Vash is truly alone. Home, Meryl, Milly, Brandon, Wolfwood… those people know him and they stayed. (Okay, Meryl needs a break, but that does not mean she is gone forever).

First, panels! I love how Wolfwood is positioned here. Like cerberus at the gates of hell, he stands at the entrance of the bar, shining from behind. He guides Vash to his fate.

Secondly, other things about the page. Vash feels Knives doing his pissing contest in the sky and runs out. But I think, this question here means so much more than that. It is Vash reassuring himself that Wolfwood is not there for Vash, but there against Vash. That the friendship they have is fake and that he is truly lonely. That even the person that stayed truest at his side isn’t there for him. In his depression Vash does not see Wolfwood for who he is. He can’t. 

His question is there to hurt himself. Vash is coming more and more undone. He looks for reasons to affirm his bitter feelings towards humanity. And the affirmation that Wolfwood is his enemy is enough that his control over himself slips.

And Wolfwood is honest as always. I wanna slap him for the: “I told ya from the start…” He is not completely wrong, but fucking eurythmics is really not the way to spell that out! But Wolfwood did not hide this, not really. And I have to give him credit for that. Lying wouldn’t make anything easier, it would make things worse. At least like this Vash is able to act with full knowledge. And he looks so pained. 

I wish both would say more. I wish they would clear the air between them. I wish Wolfwood could tell Vash that he is on his side, even if he started out as Knives’ minion. I wish Vash would ask Wolfwood for more. Because Vash knows Wolfwood, he knows his priorities. And helping a genocidal maniac does not agree with him trying to protect an orphanage. We know that Vash is able to put two and two together. But Wolfwood sees himself as a burden and cannot step out of his stoic position and Vash never learned to communicate feelings.

Tearing down all the satellites is an intelligent move. Now the human settlements cannot share information easily and thus the human population is split into smaller groups that are thus easier to eradicate.

“This”? This as in that his brother is decaying? And he is the cause for it? That he know feels like a gun is pointed at his chest and he needs to act now before his brother uses up all his power?

Elendira is so sure that she will die in the fallout of Knives’ tantrum. And that is sad. She doesn’t budge, though. She will stay at his side. Did she hope to stay til the end with Knives? Why? She likes non”-suicidal men”. Does she like Knives? It doesn’t look like infatuation. I still think of her as a nihilist. But now the whole “making smores while the world burns”-feeling is gone. She looks sad. I wanna know more about her! D;

It feels by stressing that he will remember their shared time together, Vash disagrees with One-Eye. Be it with everything One-Eye said or just with parts of it, like ending up alone again. If that is what Vash disagrees with especially, then it would mean that Vash knows that Wolfwood is on his side despite being his guide, that he is not alone. Which would mean he at least starts to get out of his crunch and start to appreciate his companions again. Yay?

05: Late arrival to the end of the world

LIAR! Sorry, but that is such a big lie. Vash is only ready for this, because he has no other choice. Knives forces Vash’ hands. Vash is so much about avoidance!

But saying that would mean he would open up to Wolfwood, who is visibly worried about Vash. And we cannot have that! Others caring for him.

And as “prepared” as Vash is, just the presence of his brother’s aura makes his skin literally crawl.

Wolfwood is the same. He puts his own needs and pain on the backburner so Vash can do his best. He wants Vash to succeed. And we can’t have Vash being distracted just because Wolfwood just had a death vision.

How about both are careful?

And still, being warned and all, Wolfwood doesn’t want to leave Vash. He is ready to run after him to help him in any way against his brother. Until Elendira reminds him that he cannot.

I love the double misdirection. We as readers are led to think that it is Elendira he will fight for Vash, but NOPE, it is Double Fang and Tripunisher of death. And at the same time in the story, Wolfwood avoids lying to Elendira, he avoids telling her where his loyalties lie.

Only Elendira brings a BOW to a gunfight. And she wins!

So, who caused the death aura? Was it from the old arsehole or from double fang? The old arsehole has more reasons to want Wolfwood absolutely dead, with him having been shot by Wolfy.

What shitty name? Did the old bitch name Wolfwood? The whole name? Is oldie Wolfwood’s old master? He knows his full name and, well, Wolfwood said he put him full of lead. The only EoM we know of that Wolfwood did that to is the true Chapel. Does anyone else know that the wrinklebell is the true chapel?

Elendira’s word is enough to make them stop. No one wants to fight that woman. *swoons*

Also, Wolfwood recognises Double Fang as Livio. How does he do that behind that stupid halfmask and the fucking mop of hair?

Ah, yes, my favourite. Old churchmen dehumanising children as weapons. Can I kick him? I shove him out of his wheelchair and run away with it. Then I gift it to someone in need. :3c Pwease?

But it says also much about Wolfwood. No wonder Wolfwood has trouble seeing himself as human, as being worthy of softness, when he was used as a weapon and completely dehumanised by his master.

Elendira’s look. *chef’s kiss* Also, that’s what you do if you accidentally misgender someone, correct yourself and move on.

I love this. Elendira has blind faith in Knives’ capabilities. (Next chapter tells us more). Wolfwood calling her out on it gets rebuffed, but his faith in Vash is not without merit.

That looks so comfy! (When it is 30°C outside, but you need a blanket to fall asleep.)

06. Conflict

I mean, yeah, this is a conflict.

Uff, Knives is so very aware that kid Vash shared his opinion. He is not without reason to assume that current Vash may agree, too. But Knives also ignores that Vash has met so many good humans. And that he himself is kinda part of the reasons the humans are exploiting their sisters. 

Knives only sees his way of thinking, for the worse. He is unable to empathise with others’ experiences. He even uses the idea of Tesla to give his hate more credibility. Tesla would agree, wouldn’t she? We don’t know, but more importantly the twins do not know. Tesla had no agency when the humans tortured her and now her memory itself gets distorted and abused. She truly has no voice.

Knives is literally breaking apart. He cannot really contain his sisters’ energy. His fear and anger is destroying himself.

Well, you just met your crazy brother after 2.5 years and he just told you he is the reason you are dying. Btw… you’re dying. Now fight!

Back to taking any agency from Vash again. Knives is the reason why Vash has started decaying. Without Knives, Vash would never have been able to activate his angel arm. He would never have lost control in July and then in Jeneora Rock. Knives’ hate bleeds his brother dry. If Knives just stopped now, Vash still had much time left. He wouldn’t have to use his power. He only uses his power because of Knives. But Knives is unable to even think of that. Everything is about humans, if humanity wasn’t Knives wouldn’t be forced to act and thus he is not responsible for his actions, humanity is. 

Legato feels something that no one else does. And he shall join his master one little hop at a time!

I just love the sass Elendira gives him. I’d dislike him, too, as a coworker. Nothing about him is sane, but the boss likes him, so you gotta swallow your dislike.

I just love Elendira with Wolfwood. I love her sass and how Wolfwood is like totally apathetic towards it. 

Not untrue, but look at that… Vash is leaving a blood lake because of you, Knives. Are you truly better? So many of Vash’ scars, mental and physical, are a direct result of Knives’ action. But how can you get that into his head? He twisted his mind into such loops, that his actions seem justified for him. Behind all that, he is scared for himself. The safety of his brother is just a sign for himself that he himself is safe. So he has to bring Vash onto his side and save him from himself. At all costs. Even if that would mean tearing him apart limb from limb, breaking his mind, maybe even absorbing him. Vash is not a person for Knives. Vash is a trophy-

Vash’ counter idea is… not the best… It is silly and naive. I understand that Knives is a bit frustrated at that. If you had a century’s time to find a solution and it is such a silly one… I’d be angry, too. Imagine doing a fucking murder game to show your brother the light and he says: We can just run away :3 

Interestingly, neither of them can imagine that they could settle down somewhere and live in peace. Even Vash thinks that they will need to run away and need to try again and again. (Not like he could settle down in fucking HOME?!?!)

Vash breaks through Knives armour, but in the end it only hurts his sisters that have been absorbed. Which is telling, Knives hides behind the sisters that he protects. But in the end they are means to an end.

Creepy Legato is creepy. He gets more and more unhinged. I have no words. No, seriously, this panel fucking scared me. It really does.

I want so much more of those two being disturbed by Legato. I love them.

And in the end it comes to this. Knives being so unable to see Vash as his own individual with his own faults and reasons that he tries to take the rest of his agency and autonomy. Vash is just a trophy. Knives just needs to have him, he doesn’t need the person.

Vash uses suck…

Back to the former chapter... Elendira's reality is shown as blind faith. She was a big benchmark for us readers to see how things are going, but we realise now that she has been wrong. Things could still turn, Knives is not as powerful as he seems. He swallowed all his sisters and, still, if Legato hadn't intervened... We would get a happy ending.

Is Knives that unable to read people that he doesn’t see how fucking done Legato is? I wouldn’t trust him to take care of a grape! Much less my so important brother whose continued existence was the reason I did a murder game!

So, Wolfwood did not jump the ark? He stayed while it got off the ground? So, he is with Vash the whole time?

#trigunbookclub #trigun bookclub #Trimax 7.2 #If I do half a volume per day I start next week with vol 10 like the others #but damn my brain soups hard

[draguta]

.just the way you are | eight.

pairing: dbf!bucky x fem!reader

summary: back home in brooklyn, job lost, dumped, unable to pay rent, and utterly ashamed of yourself. of course your dad had offered out your childhood bedroom, but what happens when you bump into his best friend once again, this time no longer the teenager that you were when you left?

chapter word count: 2192

series warnings: age gap (reader 24, bucky 39)

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please remember to reblog, like, and share a comment if you enjoy it - it’s always appreciated by writers to see their hard work valued.

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🍃 join my taglist 🍃

“Can you pass me that please?” You asked, motioning to the plant pot that was still sitting on your desktop. Bucky huffed, but picked it up, stepping over a couple of boxes to hand it to you. It was just the two of you in your room, packing up your entire life into boxes once again, your dad having gone downstairs to make everyone some tea. Ever since the day by the lake Bucky had been distant, quiet, and you didn’t blame him for that, but you couldn’t help but miss the way that it had been before. It seemed as though every time the two of you would begin joking around and having fun, either one of you would remember, remember the mutterings of ‘I love you’, remember the plastic ring pulled from his jeans pocket, the proposal, and the revelation that you were leaving. You still hadn’t given him an answer to his question, even if you knew what you wanted to say.

Yes.

But you couldn’t, not now, not like this. Not when everything you owned was in boxes, not when everything you knew was hanging in the air like a penny ready to drop.

You slipped the plant into a box, cradling it in place with a few books so that it wouldn’t spoil during the flight, before sighing and flopping onto the side of your bed.

“Can’t we just talk about this, please?” You begged. You needed to know what he was thinking, needed to know what the next step was for the two of you, where to go from the impossible situation that you had found yourselves in.

“What is there to talk about?” Bucky muttered, piling a few notebooks into a box and turning to begin folding some of your clothes.

“I think there’s a lot that we need to talk about,” you countered. “And we don’t have a lot of time left.”

“Yeah, we don’t,” he stated firmly, refusing to meet your eye. “Because you’re leaving, and I’m staying. It’s as simple as that. Is that enough talking for you?”

“No, it’s not,” you snapped, rising to your feet and beginning to pace the wooden floorboards of your bedroom. “I can’t leave like this, Bucky. Not when you won’t speak to me. We haven’t even argued about it, nothing! You won’t talk to me, you won’t even look at me! What do you want me to do?”

“I don’t expect you to do anything,” Bucky snapped, throwing the dress that he had been folding into a box, now a heap that you knew you would have to re-fold. He threw his hands up in the air, turning to you, rage intermingled in the blue of his irises. “I proposed to you and you decided to move to a different city.”

“Y-You don’t think it’s because you proposed do you?” You asked quietly, your face falling from anger to sadness. You had never seen Bucky so defeated, so lost before. It broke your heart more than you knew was even possible.

“What else am I supposed to think?”

“This isn’t about you, Bucky,” you stated calmly, navigating your way through the boxes. “This is about me, about my career.”

Bucky simply scoffed, turning away from you and kicking the box he had been filling in frustration.

“I’m allowed to do something for myself, Bucky,” you argued, although you weren’t really sure why you were arguing anymore. You had made your decision, and as much as you wanted to stay and marry Bucky, your decision wasn’t about to change. You placed your hands on your temple, rubbing gentle circles in an attempt to counter the headache that was erupting. It felt as though you’d had the same argument on a constant repeat ever since that day by the lake, and now, with only two days remaining before you left for Chicago, it really felt as though this would be how you and Bucky left it. “Why don’t you come with me?”

“What, come to Chicago?” He asked with a raised eyebrow, turning back to you.

“Yes, come with me!” You squealed. “It’s perfect! Then I can still take my new job, and we can still be together.”

Bucky groaned loudly, enough that you felt it reverberate throughout the now almost empty room. “I can’t just move to Chicago,” he countered. “My entire life is here, my job, my apartment, my friends! Do you really think I would give all of that up? There’s nothing for me in Chicago!”

“You would have me,” you said quietly.

He turned slowly, his face softening ever-so-slightly. “It’s not enough.”

You took a deep breath, closing your eyes in an attempt to calm yourself. That was your final solution, and he had shot it down in only a moment.

“I guess we’ve reached a crossroads then,” was all you could say. He looked down at you, his eyes filled with sadness.

“I guess we have.”

There was a beat of silence, neither of you really knowing what to say, until Bucky finally spoke up.

“I-I can’t do this.”

And then he was gone, pushing through the boxes and out of your bedroom door, just as your dad appeared with the tea that he had made. He watched Bucky race down the stairs and out of the front door, before turning back to you with a frown.

“What’s wrong with him?” He asked, and all you could do was shrug, all of your energy going into fighting down the sobs that were quickly coming to the surface.

You were cold, shivering in fact, when you finally reached Bucky’s apartment building. You had been certain that a stroll through the city would clear your mind, and even through the downfall of rain that came crashing down, seemingly out of nowhere, as if the universe itself was showing pity for you, you hadn’t realised where you were going until you were already outside Bucky’s apartment building.

Your shoes squelched with water as you took the stairs, wrapping your arms tightly around your body, a soggy moose toy hanging limply from your fingertips. Your hair stuck to your face, your mascara running down your cheeks, but whether that was from the rain or the tears that you had shed, you weren’t sure.

That’s how you found yourself, soaked to the skin, outside of Bucky’s door. But you couldn’t bring yourself to knock; you didn’t even know what you would say if you did. It was then that you heard his voice on the other side of the door, clear as day, seemingly close enough to the door that you were certain if you opened it you would fall into his embrace.

“No, Steve. I told you to look at her resume, offer her a job if she fitted the criteria,” he said firmly, and you leaned closer to the door to hear him better. “What I didn’t tell you to do was move her across the fucking country.”

There was a lull in conversation, and you assumed that the other person was speaking.

“Yes, yes I know you were doing me a favour,” Bucky’s voice sounded again, this time more desperate, broken almost. You heard him sigh before he spoke again. “I know she’s amazing, she deserves that job.”

You frowned before it dawned on you; Bucky had been the one to send your resume to Rogers Ltd. He had been helping you behind the scenes the entire time, and had never asked for any credit. Your heart hurt; he truly was the best of people.

“N-No, don’t withdraw the offer, please,” Bucky sighed again. “Like you said, she deserves the job. Thanks Steve.”

Silence.

You drew in a shaky breath before curling your fingers into a fist and knocking gently on the door. You turned, closing your eyes tightly, trying to find any of the composure to cling onto that was leaving you so quickly, until you heard the door unlock and click open.

You caught his eye, the phone in his hand that still showed the runtime of his previous call, the frown that he was wearing, the sadness behind the confused smile that he masked onto his face.

“Y/N.” After a moment he stepped to the side allowing you inside, and you quickly pushed past him. He closed the door behind you, and you felt his hand on the small of your back, as if it were its home, so natural and normal now, as he ushered you to the couch. “You’re shivering. Let me get you a towel.”

“No,” you stuttered, grabbing onto his wrist and pulling him down to the couch. For a moment he looked startled, but he slid onto the cushion beside you, concern filtering over his features in an instant.

Another shaky breath, and you finally looked up at him, and in only a second tears began to well in your eyes, your shoulders beginning to shake as you took your bottom lip between your teeth as you tried to compose yourself. He looked so beautiful, the lights of the darkened city seeping through the window behind you to cast colours against his pale skin, purples and blues that made his very features, every part of his appearance that you loved so much, glow in the darkness.

He had been your beacon from the moment you had arrived back in Brooklyn all those months ago, the one that had picked you up when you fell, and had guided you through the hard times. It was him, you realised, that had been by your side when you had needed someone, had cared for you when you felt broken. He had put you back together again, taking each shard of your heart and sticking it to the next as carefully and delicately as you would with a broken vase.

You traced his features. The curve of his nose as it came to a soft point at the end, a slight bump in the bridge where he had broken it long ago. The shape of his lips, always curled into a smile even when he was angry or sad, encircled by a moat of dark scruff. His eyes and the way that they gleamed, a different shade of blue or grey every time you looked into them, like the sky changing colour through its seasons. The thought occurred to you that this might be the last time that you were able to look at them, at his features, at him, in the same way. With love, with hope of a future. Never again would you be able to cherish him again.

“P-Please don’t tell me this is the end,” you whispered through sobs. “P-Please don’t s-say it.”

“Y/N.”

“No.” It was firmer than you intended, but the choke of a sob that followed made it seem weak, your confidence was all but lost. “P-Please. Just one more kiss. That’s all I ask. O-One more kiss. One more night together. One more breakfast. One more cigarette in the treehouse. One more day at the arcade. One more Sunday morning in bed.”

“Y/N.”

“P-Please!” You begged.

He leaned forward, running a hand through his hair, inhaling deeply, before turning to you and wrapping his hands around your own. His eyes flickered between your own, filled with despair and you knew, in that second, that there was no salvaging what you had. It was gone, now just a memory.

“Y/N, I love you,” he whispered. The rain pattered gently against the window outside, the sound of cars passing by on the road below, but none of it could distract you from his words, could pull you away from that moment.

“I-I love you too,” you whispered. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s OK,” he replied, a tear slipping from his eye and tracking down his cheek to get lost in his stubble. “This might be what’s right for us, to go our separate ways.”

“B-But you said we’re meant to be,” you gasped out, your shoulders shaking, your face scrunched in pain.

“I thought we were.”

“Thought?”

“I think-I think now I was wrong.” It was a simple reply, but the ache that it brought to your chest was anything but simple. It was agony, an unbearable pain that you knew would never go away. It truly felt like you would feel like that forever. You sniffled, bringing a hand up to wipe away your tears, ignoring the mascara that smeared onto the back of your hand; that was the least of your worries.

“So this is it then?” You asked. “We break up?”

You begged him not to say it, prayed to any God that might have been listening to push him to change his mind, to try. 

“We break up.”

You sobbed as you rose to your feet, not sparing him another glance, unable to look at him for fear that the pain you felt in your chest at the sight of him might kill you altogether. You pushed out of his door and back out into the rain, the heart that he had glued back together shattering once more.

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky x female reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky x you #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes smut #bucky smut #james buchanan barnes #james barnes #james bucky barnes #bucky barnes series #bucky series #bucky barnes angst #bucky angst #marvel #marvel universe #marvel smut #mcu #bucky barnes au #dbf!bucky #dbf bucky #dbf!buckybarnes #dbf bucky barnes

[georgiapeach30513]

Night Moves, Part 1

Summary:  a meeting with Carter, and then your introduction to Lloyd Hansen

Pairings:  Carter Baizen X Reader, Lloyd Hansen X Reader

Rating:  none yet, 18+ ONLY

Word Count:  1.7K

Series Masterlist

A/N:  just me and my hoe @tis-thedamn-season​ on our shit talking about Lloyd Hansen, and this monstrosity came from nowhere...

Nervously you scratch the back of your neck, your eyes roaming around the obnoxiously clean office. Playing with the business card in your hand. You were told this was the best place to be. Explained that the owners took care of their girls, valued them, and even set them up with long term clients, one was even supposed to be marrying a client.

This isn’t the life you pictured though. You had big dreams just as much as the next person, but life and dreams are funny that way. No family, and dead end job after job led you to become desperate, and the streets was horrifying.

You look back at the door, wondering if maybe you got the time wrong, or maybe the secretary let you in too soon. You’re not sure, but the longer you wait, the more you want to bolt.

Hearing the large door open and close, you stand quickly, coming face to face with a man worth more than you’ll ever make in your lifetime. Offering him your name, he takes your hand in his own, giving you a strong shake before walking behind his desk.

“So,” he begins leaning back in his chair. Crystal blue eyes looking you up and down, “what brings you here?”

“Security,” you answer sincerely. “I’m selling my…my assets anyways, but I want to know that I’m in a safe environment. Mr. Baizen.”

“Yeah, drop that, call me Carter. So you have heard of us?” you only offer him a single nod. He quickly readjusts his seat, pushing over a cup to you. “First things first, I need to know you’re drug free.”

“I am.”

“Then this shouldn’t be a problem,” he nudges the cup further to you. “I’ll also need to check the webbing of your feet and fingers, just to see if there was any past use. I’m protecting us both,” his hand moves to point over at a door, and you stand to walk in the bathroom, giving him a sample.

While this isn’t what you’re expecting, you somehow appreciate it. Like that he is protecting his name, while also keeping you safe. Especially knowing if you stay there, there’s other girls.

You return the cup to him, and he waits patiently for the negative result. “Very good. We run a tight ship here. You’ll be introduced on stage as soon as possible. Beforehand, I want you to think long and hard about your absolutely nots.”

You look up at him confused as to what he’s talking about. Trying to think of what that could possibly mean. “We have high paying clients, and they have specific wants. I don’t care about them. I care about your comfortability, and what you absolutely will not do. That’s why you will have a profile.”

Carter slides a file over towards you, and you look at the thick packet of papers. They had thought of everything, including allergies. “We’ll need to get you tested, all of our clients are tested as well. You do not have to wear a condom, although, I would highly encourage it. Birth control will be provided to you. We have a therapist on site, and Lloyd takes care of security.”

“What are some of the things the clients ask for?”

“Your typical kinks; collars, anal or at least butt plugs, leather or lace, rimming, threesome, double penetration. Anything you’re willing to do, and more importantly what you’re not willing to do. Also,” he takes a deep breath almost rolling his eyes, “are you ashamed of public nudity?”

“Wh-why?” you stutter out. You had not thought this was happening today.

“I don’t want to scare you, it wouldn’t be the clients. It would be the other girls,” you look at him bewildered as to where he’s taking this conversation. “Lloyd likes to…sample the product if you will. He likes a show and tell to explain safe sex, and when testing boundaries. Keep in mind, here, we believe that no means no, even if you think you’re okay with something at first, but then want to stop, you can. We have our ways to deal with clients that don’t comply.”

You gulp, staring owlishly at Carter as he explains his partner. “He’s a big teddy bear with the girls, and they all adore him, and his ‘extra classes’. You start taking clients in one of the rooms at the estate. There will be a guard outside of your door, again safety first. You have a safe word with the client, but a code word for your guard. Are we of an understanding?”

“Yes, where do I go now?”

Carter pushes a button on his phone, his eyes never leaving you, “Stacey, please make sure our newest recruit is taken to the salon. Inform Lloyd of her arrival, and I believe Misty has already taken her measurements, have Gabby stock her room, and have everything ready for her. Showtime will be this weekend. This week, Lloyd breaks you in. Have a nice time. I’ll come by and see you in a few days. Remember Lloyd isn’t as intense as he seems. He really does care about you girls. Don’t be afraid. He’s just a bit…”

“Different,” Stacey finishes. “Lloyd and Carter want us to have a life outside of the club,” she holds up a finger, a large ring on it. “Mrs. Napoleon Solo. Now I work in the office. They can’t get rid of me. Come along. We’ll get you set up.”

Sitting on your bed, you glance around your new room, still just as pristine as Carter’s office. While it wasn’t large, it was homey. To be kept separate from your life outside of these walls. This was to be your safe space. Where you learned who you were outside of sex. Encouraged to keep a journal, if only for yourself. To write down your goals, or even how you felt after a client.

You smooth out the satin of your dress, while it wasn’t something you would have chosen for yourself, you couldn’t deny how you felt sexy. Powerful even, thinking to yourself that you were amazed how most girls didn’t flock here. The partners seemed caring of their assets, and their high quality girls had made quite a name for themselves.

“So you’re the one one, huh, Sweetpea?” you stand up quickly, walking over to the mustached man, who could only be, “I’m Lloyd. You’ll see me a bit more than Carter. He’s the business end, smart man. I’m more the brawn. A bit more hands on.”

“So I heard,” you give him a nod, unsure of when he plans on testing things out with you.

“Does that bother you, Sugar?” he holds out a hand to you, placing your hand in his. Instead of shaking it, he bows, lifting your hand for a kiss to your knuckles, and you almost startle backwards. “You alright there?”

“I’m fine.”

“How long have you been in,” Lloyd makes himself comfortable on your bed, leaning back he taps on the satin duvet. “I won’t bite. Unless that’s your thing. Did Carter explain to you how you need to create your profile? We try to match you with the most suitable, but of course, sometimes they like what they see and want a taste.”

“He did,” sitting down beside him, you find yourself getting closer to him than you initially thought. Comfortable with him, and even the way he and Carter say they protect their girls.

“They pay a lot, and sometimes it’s just for companionship. So you’re not expected to take four clients a night. But you set your pace. You have contracts with us, but of course,” he gives you a wide smile, and even sniffs your perfume a bit, “Should someone want to keep you for their own, such as Mrs. Solo, they can buy you out of your contract.”

“It’s a lot to take in.”

“You’ll be fine,” Lloyd runs his finger up your neck, lifting you chin to get a better look at you. “Yep,” he swallows deeply. “You’ll be just fine.”

“About the um,” pointing between the two of you, trying to convey the safety lessons.

“I’ll never make you do anything you don’t want to. It’s just…I can be a greedy man. And I believe, if it’s okay with you, I should make sure I know what product is going out there, and if there’s room for improvement. Plus give some tactics should you feel uncomfortable, and need a quick out. You don’t have to participate. I can always use another girl for the public show.”

You’re not sure why, but the thought of him with someone else doesn’t sit right with you. Feeling your throat constrict a bit, you stare at him unblinkingly. “Or you could always be my special girl. We could have a private show first. But for now, rest, think, write, explore. Stay off the main floor, because you’re not on the menu, that’s what the girls call it, not me. This is your home. Do you, Sugar,” with a quick wink he stands to leave, and you reach out to grab his arm.

There was a calm serenity that surrounded Lloyd. He made you feel seen. He was personal, and he wanted to know more. “Where are you going?”

“Downstairs,” he answers with a crooked grin.

“Oh,” you answer flatly, looking down towards the door.

He looks around your room, and into your closet, before landing back on you, “This is going against my better judgement, but if you wanted to dress you can stay on my arm,” you turn your nose up quickly and he chuckles at you, “You’ll have to earn your keep and pay eventually.”

“When are you done?” you have to avert your gaze to his boots, scared of your boldness, but you do have a deep desire to know the odd man.

“You wanting me to come find you afterwards?” running his finger back up your neck, he lifts your head up, “Does that sound nice, Sugar?”

“Yes.”

“Just don’t get attached. This is business,” with a quick kiss to your nose, and an added tickle from his mustache, he turns to leave, “And don’t check out my ass when I walk away,” and that is the one thing you made sure to do.

Lloyd knows he’s going to have some fun with you. Reading your first draft of your file from Carter, and a warning to just leave you alone. He knows he can’t. You were perfect. Just what he was looking for. And then Carter’s voice rings in his head, “Don’t taint the merchandise.”

“She may not be merchandise,” he whispers to himself as he walks down the stairs. Putting on his charming and arrogant smile as he introduces the girls for the night.

Next

Masterlist

Taglist:  @tis-thedamn-season @marveloustaylortot @sstan-hoe​ @pono-pura-vida​ @buckysteveloki-me @peaches1958 @sarcasmoverlordxo @randomagnes0210 @bambamwolf87 @whimsyplaty92 @feyfantome

#night moves #harlot au #lloyd hansen #lloyd hansen x reader #carter baizen #lloyd hansen fanfiction #the gray man #gossip girl #chris evans #sebastian stan

[doxolove]

I guess I do one of these every year on Tumblr since it's okay to yap behind a read more, but here's a review of my 2023. (tw: mental health, death mention)

I honestly don't know where this year went. I spent a good portion of it in crippling mental pain which was a wakeup call in a lot of ways. I went to therapy, I was serious about a self-help journey and freed myself from a tremendous amount of negativity. I learned to put value into my own needs, which has been a new concept as a whole. Codependency was ruining my life and it fucked up it's good share of connections along the way– I was finally sick of it.

I lost a lot of connections and people in my life, circumstantial or not. My grandmother also passed away and it brought in a whole new avenue to grieve. It's never been easy to say goodbye to people, I've let too many in the past long live their stay. I let people I was convinced cared for me unconditionally walk all over me on purpose. I gave too much of myself willingly to any and everyone I have met–

And now I'm finally feeling those repercussions. I'm mentally checked out more than ever, I can't focus on one thing for too long. I had to stop taking artwork commissions, I'm deeply struggling with my craft. I am incapable of letting someone in too close or even give them the appropriate energy, I'm overwhelmed with a lingering trauma I wish would go away already.

Even through all of that, I'm allowing myself to feel disappointed in others. The lack of communication is astounding me, how anyone would just let a decade+ friendship end because they couldn't conjure the strength to talk to me– or outside input influenced them, I just don't know. I'm disappointed in the people I had what seemed like healthy and chill relationships with just die because there was no urge to communicate (or again, most likely influenced)... It's just really upsetting. I don't know what made someone that assured me they had no issues with me start being a toxic asshole any time I was matched against them in pvp? It's all baffling. I wish it was easier to just ask what went wrong -- but I know sometimes it's nothing particularly logical. It just happens.

They all still haunt me, but I have learned most people don't actually want lasting or meaningful relationships and it was hard to come to terms with that. My science and fact-driven mind always wants to know why– but sometimes (most of the time) I'll never get to know that answer.

I still feel really broken, I'm not going to lie. I don't know how long I'm going to feel like this– but I've gained a newer appreciation for the people that are still in my life and understand that my social battery has deteriorated. I'm still learning how much energy to give to new people, but I am tired of being afraid to be social. The right ones are out there and it's not fair I rob myself of the chance of meeting more.

In summary, be kind to yourself going into 2024. You can try as many times as you need to, just go at your own pace. Surround yourself with individuals who reciprocate, communicate often. Not everything works out, and that's fine. I can only hope this next fever dream of a year will be a little better.

#2023 review #tw: mental health #tw: death mention #we try again next year

[yahoodarling]

Small answers for my SAGAU question. 

General warnings: abandonment, manipulation, death, sacrifice, yandereish themes.

Would characters give up their family/siblings in your name if you, their God, asked?

Childe and Albedo(unedited)

"Would childe be willing to let his family die if only to choose his savior, his god's side?"

Childe had to choose. It ripped him down his core but he had to. He knew you were his god, the one that gave him such love and protection in his times of the abyss, a deep darkness even the Tsaritsa was not even able to touch, yet you guided him and loved him for even the changed man he became. There were still those hesitant if you were the true God or not, one being the Tsaritsa herself, she couldn't believe such a great being such as her God would take the form you had, it was blasphemy and she stated any who took your side were traitors. Childe had to choose. It ripped him down his core but he had to. And he chose you. Unable to do anything about his family still in shneznayan, he stuck to your side. Had the fatui killed them for his traitorous acts? Were they still allowed to live? The questions assaulted him but all that worry cleared as he felt a pressure on his shoulder, he turned to see you, a brilliant smile on your face to shine away the sadness. "I appreciate all that you have done for me, Ajax." 

He falls to his knees to your feet, oh so tempted to reach out and hold himself to your legs but he stops himself from acting out of line. This is all he needs, his god's love. How could he even brew on the idea of choosing his family over you? The choice was so simple. If only his family were also willing to believe in you, you would have saved them, but they don't, they believe the Tsaritsa and so really it's their own fault, right? Whether they live or die is up to them, for once he can focus on himself and he chooses to focus on you. His body, mind and time are yours to take, to be used by you is proof his existence truly has worth.

"Would albedo leave Klee to fall to prey of life, to no longer support and protect her all to join you? How would he feel?"

"Brother Albedo, where are you going?" Klee asks, confused as to why Albedo was packing away only his most valuable resources. "Klee we have spoken about this, you don't want to come with so i can't tell you." He was on edge, she didn't know anything, she hadn't felt your grace and acceptance yet she was still so young, she didn't understand, maybe when he joins you he can ask you to take pity on Klee and show her why she should accept you as Teyvats god. True your rising was only recently and many were confused or angry believing you to be fake but he'd much rather follow a god that welcomed him into their arms like you had to him then a land that saw him as a threat. "Why would you want to leave? I still don't understand? Will you be back?" Albedo slammed his filled box on the table, he was getting tired of having his emotions pulled like this. "I'm taking you to stay with Jean, maybe in the future we will meet again but for now… my dedication is better valued elsewhere."

Klee cried as they walked down Dragonspine to Mondstat. A deep dark part of him hoped she would die, she was going to be surrounded by people feeding her lies to hate you, to believe you are fake, and there is no way you would accept her then and since she can't come with him since she isn't a believer… maybe death would treat her better than your wrath. He let go of Klee's hand while they were in the middle of Dragonspines trails and walked away from her. He couldn't do it himself, and by leaving her there may be a chance she survives, a small hope in him but it dimmed in comparison to the feeling he had of being with you.

"Albedo, you are always welcome in my arms. You belong somewhere that values you, I am that place." He could feel the soft strokes of your hand still running through his hair. "Come, accept me as I have accepted you." At the end of the day he is not human, he will never truly be accepted by Mondstadt but that doesn't matter now, he has you and you do. You love him and guide him in ways none ever have, you set a feeling in him that makes him feel warm but dangerous. He was actually scared of what this feeling you were awakening in him was, it felt like the fibers of his being were being pulled apart and rearranged but it was also a nice feeling, he could feel your hands rip him apart by each thread and knit them back together into a new him, a better him as he is remade into your perfect way, and that warmth covered him completely. This is his Grace, this is the true God of Teyvat. Maybe Klee will realize this in time, when she is alone and in danger if she comes to accept you she will be saved and welcomed in by you. He did a good thing today, by abandoning Klee in the harsh land of Dragonspine he created the chance for her to meet you.

#yahoothoughts #genshin sagau #genshin x gender neutral reader #genshin x male reader #genshin x female reader #yandere

[seasurfacefullofclouds1]

Jokes aside, people don’t actually appreciate the fact how difficult it is for an artist like Louis who had no radioplay or festival support to be able to manage and put on a successful first tour. It required a lot of grit and determination. It’s not easy, three of his other bandmates have much better sales and streaming numbers than him but they aren’t touring right now. Niall had the best openers one can imagine for his first tour. He had radioplay and industry support. He still didn’t reschedule his second tour after covid. He is doing everything possible now, going on the voice, playing European festivals etc. to ensure that he sells out. You can bet his tour shows won’t be as cheap as Louis. So many artists have cancelled their tours because it is challenging. Harry was always set up for success, didn’t he have all the celebrities turn up to his shows right from the beginning to show how cool it was to be at a Harry show. Weren’t all the media and influencers there to make it the most talked about thing right from the get go? He didn’t have to put it all together like Louis had to, you can bet any money on the fact that he wasn’t going on every detail like how far the audience would be from the stage and what the production would look like? He wasn’t reworking his songs with his musical director to just have the right kind energy for the live shows. He was instead working out in the gym and doing fittings for his customised wardrobe stolen from Juan Gabriel. Everything else was done for him, a multi Grammy winner was his opener, I have never understood why would Kacey Musgraves open for Harry Styles on his first album. To me that is misogynistic within itself but everyone does what the Azoffs want I guess. Anyway I am getting side tracked, what I am trying to say is that although Louis makes it look like it’s all fun and games, all he is doing is drinking, smoking and partying, there is a lot of work that goes into it. The attention to detail at his shows cannot be matched even by big huge production values the big artists have. His crew is so well looked after. A person who doesn’t care is not going to put in all that effort to bring in that kind of quality.

When I read stupid opinions which are passed around by the Larries like gospel without using any sort of critical thinking it makes my blood boil. Louis has put a lot of effort into putting on a successful tour despite all odds, I wish people wouldn’t minimise his achievements just because they see him having a good time and not sulking in a darkened corner.

Louis wrote an entire album with the focus on the tour shows. His co-writers understood that the production would have to reflect a live show.

You can also see the attention to production design in the live shows— the pyro, the special effects, the way that lighting syncs up with the music.

The 20 x 8 light grids in the LTWT backdrop. DN4. The way Fearless has its own video graphics. The black and white graphics for Only The Brave to contrast the rainbow flags and lights in the audience (🏳️‍🌈 which Oli knew about).

The way Louis listened to soundchecks from various parts of the venues to gauge how they sounded.

The way Louis gives opportunities to smaller / unsigned artists to open for him.

The meticulous post-show playlist. Louis’ outfits acknowledging the colors of regional football teams and sometimes the rivalries (Amsterdam, Latam, Italy).

The low ticket prices, meeting the audiences where they live, instead of the audiences having to trek to NYC. Never using dynamic pricing, even though it’s an option. Offering audiences full refunds on the pre-Covid concert tickets we had bought, and then carrying through with the scheduled tour.

Taking precautions during Omicron to switch out band members so they could quarantine and stay safe. Never having to cancel a show as a result.

Spending money on crew comforts during the tour— not only providing housing, travel, and meals, but a floating cocktail bar, parties, outings, business class tickets, five-star hotels, celebrations of milestones (Matt D’s stag party), time off to pursue their own music (Isaac’s gigs), spending money for group tattoos.

And then on top of all of this thoughtfulness and consideration, to finish recording and mastering a 20-track album, plan promo, shoot for promo articles and gigs, plan and play a festival in another country.

All this for a man who supposedly wants to stay home and “watch his husband become a mega star.” Stupidity doesn’t even begin to describe this attitude.

#louis tomlinson

[tobiasdrake]

At long last, the perfect solution has arrived.

I honestly didn't think the story was going to get here. I genuinely did think we were going to have to choose between two mutually dark endings. I don't trust writers to see value in liberal ideals such as democratizing problem-solving. A lot of writers will pay lip service to basic ideas like "prejudice is bad" and then stop there.

But nope, Yuma's on the ball. He sees the merit in turning the problem over to the people as a whole and saying, "Let's all work together to solve this." I appreciate him for that. Even if he is a hilariously unrepentant identity thief.

I think the fact that you're asking that question means that as much as you purport to love them, you don't trust them. That's sort of what I was getting at when I said that your love is selfish and domineering.

Yuma going straight for the throat with that guilt trip. I'm over here being analytical and then Yuma says the same thing but snappier.

Oh, piece of cake.

Yuma: I know this all sounds hard to accept but that's why I've prepared this demonstration with my lovely assistant. Kurumi: Hi, everyone! I'm here to demonstrate. Yuma: I have here this UV flashlight. Click. Kurumi: snarl gnash froth Yuma: And click. Kurumi: Why am I craving meat buns right now? Yuma: Any questions?

I suppose that works too. That means we need to leave the labyrinth without killing him but like I said, soul-reaping has been proven ineffective at perma-killing homunculi so we can put the plan off 'til tomorrow. That's fine.

Of course, that's probably not where Yuma's going with this. I'm getting the vibe that this was a Morton's Fork - a false dilemma in which both options lead to the same conclusion anyway - and he nonetheless plans to linger in the Labyrinth until his soul fades away and Makoto gets ejected. Shinigami was saying that would happen if we chose to stay.

Yep, Yuma's going with the plan where he dies and Makoto lives, rather than the plan where he lives and Makoto dies for like an afternoon but then springs back to life right as rain.

NURTURE VS NATURE ASSHOLE

Or in other words, NURTURE VS NATURE ASSHOLE.

Different life experiences molded Yuma into a different kind of person. One who sees value in cooperation and teamwork, rather than the individualist ideology espoused by the WDO creed.

Y'all, I'm so proud of him. I'm so glad this is the direction that Yuma's character growth was moving in. I was hoping he'd get here, but it didn't feel like he was moving in this direction when he kept waffling about needing to find his conviction and stop relying on people.

Oh cool, hope for Yuma. Since Makoto forged their Coalescence bond, we can loophole him out of here without waiting for Yuma to waste away into nothingness.

That means if Makoto solves the mystery and destroys the labyrinth from the real world, Yuma might still be alive and get ejected. This might not have to be a self-sacrifice.

I still like temporarily soul-killing Makoto and letting him regenerate as our loophole solution but, I admit, that's partly for petty reasons. As long as he didn't kill our pals then I don't want to kill him kill him. But I do feel owed the equivalent of a hard punch in the shoulder after everything he's put us through.

If he did kill our pals then his head is going in the box as soon as he's finished revealing everything to Kanai Ward.

Also, academic reasons. By which I mean, I wanna see what it looks like when a homunculus regenerates. Do you think they glow? I choose to believe that they glow.

But sure, if there's a chance Yuma will get out of the Labyrinth via this plan then I'm here for it. The difference is whether we're rolling the dice on Makoto's fate or Yuma's, and it's the heroic thing to gamble on your own life rather than someone else's.

No, you'll do it. Because you've already confessed that your own methods are unsustainable. You were ready to accept being soul-reaped, even calling it the right conclusion, five minutes ago. That says to me that you're ready to gamble on something else.

You haven't changed your system of belief but you've accepted that your system of belief is in error, and that's the first step. To suddenly double-down now would be an admission to yourself that you never loved Kanai Ward and were only ever interested in a throne to govern from.

I don't think you have that in you. You're a jackass, Makoto. But it's in your own ideological interest to go through with the plan now. To do anything else would be a betrayal of the principles you hold closest to your heart.

See you around, Evil Twin. Try to grow a cool goatee before the next time we meet.

Let's call that Plan B. Makoto doesn't need to physically be here for us to reap his soul, so if he takes too long carrying out the plan and we feel like we're about to fade into nothingness, we can do a last-second reaping!

Makoto will drop dead in the middle of whatever he's doing, we'll spring back into existence--

HOLD UP.

This plan doesn't work. Time remains frozen so long as we're in the Mystery Labyrinth. This is a stupid plan and I want to reap his soul now. He'll get over it.

It is not. We are going to experience infinity time before Makoto even has a chance to pull it off. Goddammit, Yuma.

Oh look, the other means of leaving that comes at a terrible price. Shinigami's hinted at it a few times. So what is it? More of Yuma's lifespan? Severance of the contract? Someone else must die in his place?

Severance of the contract. That's not so bad. We did what we came here to do and we wouldn't want to keep spirit-murdering people on a regular basis.

THIS IS TERRIBLE AND WE SHOULD NOT DO IT. Reasserting the personality of Number One would be the worst possible outcome for Yuma. Yuma. Stay here and wait for infinity instead.

So the only people who will even know what happened here are Makoto and Vivia. Oh, I do not like the idea of pushing the reset-reset button on Makoto.

This is where we say farewell to Shinigami.

To be honest, this is a harder goodbye for Yuma than it is for me. For him, she's been his steady companion through everything he's been through. He's built a strong emotional bond with her and come to depend on her as the single most important person in his life. Now it must come to an end and, worse, he won't even remember she was ever there.

But for me, she's an eldritch parasite who devours people's souls for punishment, which is way over the top so far as punitive justice goes. She's also obnoxious, crude, hypersexualized and jealously possessive towards a child-shaped character, and showers the rest of the cast in a deluge of bigoted insults all the time.

Like half her dialogue consists of "Laugh Lines" that are just expressing unfiltered hate. The joke being that she actually said the thing you're not supposed to say out loud. Y'know, 80% of modern conservative comedy. "She's a BIMBO, he's a WEIRDO, her boobs aren't nearly as big as mine, POLE OR HOLE, HALARA!? This is literally my entire personality!" Charming.

Shinigami feels like an outlet for all of Kodaka's worst behaviors as a creator. Which. Like. Sure. Concentrating 90% of the gross shit he adds into his stories into this one character seems to have paid off. It gave us some nice enby rep in Halara, an astonishingly non-disgusting version of a "Two teenage boys infiltrate the girls' school" story, and some interesting neurodivergent characters. But it doesn't make Shinigami herself endearing in any way.

Shinigami will be missed. By Yuma. But not by me. Oh, and also not by Yuma 'cause of that whole memory loss thing so. Oh well, nuts to that, then. So long, Shinigami; It was unpleasant knowing you.

#master detective archives: rain code #drake plays rain code