#wouldve lost my shit if it dragged on

[puckyess]

Observant | brendan brisson

Enjoy 2.5k of nothingness!

Words: 2.5k

Masterlist

—

“Who at this table would you date?” nolan asks, voice projecting and eyes sparkling with mischief as always. 

You don’t know how you always got sucked into these childish games with them, but you did and every time you regretted it. Their dinner conversations always revolved around pushing each other to do stupid shit or forcing ridiculous scenarios upon each other. It turns out tonight was the latter. 

You looked around the table at your options. Nolan was obviously out for giving you this question, luke was sweet, but too young. Your eyes of course are drawn to brendan, your longtime best friend. He’s wearing his usual smirk, ego never in check, probably assuming you’ll pick him. But there’s a sort of curiosity there too, as if he’s waiting on the edge of his seat to hear whose name will come out of your mouth. He leans forward on his elbows, “C’mon, the suspense is killing us”. 

You roll your eyes, shifting your attention over to ethan who looked like he so badly wanted to be picked and then over to thomas. You let your eyes drag over him sitting across from you, maybe a little dramatically so, just to get a rise out of a certain someone. You involuntarily bite your lip when your eyes finally pull away from the ink on his skin and meet his gaze. Always observant, he plays along with your little game and lays on the smolder with his stare and devilish smirk. No wonder girls were on their knees for this. You only tear your eyes away when brendan obnoxiously clears his throat. “If you’re done eye fucking my best friend, i believe you were asked a question.”

He had a point. Thomas was his best friend and that’s close enough to the one you actually want, right? “I’d choose thomas, easily”. He grins victoriously and fist bumps you. You swear brendan’s shoulders slump and an expression you can’t quite pinpoint flashes across his face, but just as soon as you think you saw it, it twists into disgust. “I call bull. There’s no way he does it for you. I demand a recount”. The whole table snickers. 

“Theres nothing to ‘recount’, bren” you laugh. 

He’s still in disbelief. “You pick bordy? Him?” his arms waving dramatically at thomas as if the point was already clear. 

“Yes, brendan. what’s wrong with that?” 

“nothing, but-” 

“But what? Who else should i have picked then?” 

“Yeah, briss, who else should she have picked?” thomas pipes up, leaning back in his chair, smug. Again, everyone at the table looks amused like theyre all in on some big inside joke that you’re missing. His tongue works the inside of his cheek and now it’s you whos curious.

 “C’mon, bren, the suspense is killing us” you tease, echoing him from earlier. He stares at you a second too long, working up to something.  Whatever he was thinking about saying, he decides against it, shaking his head. “I just can’t see you with him”. Or anyone. But me. “Like actually dating,” he shrugs, trying to keep up his facade of what he hopes is nonchalance. “Just an observation.” 

you snort, “youre about as observant as…as. Well i cant think of what, right now, but something that’s not observant”. 

“Well i am when it comes to you,” he blurts. 

Your heart does a combination of stopping and beating 10x as fast at his words. He couldnt mean them like how they sounded, right? 

If you werent so focused in on brendan you wouldve caught the smiles being hid behind cups and shoulders being bumped in “i told you so’s”. But you were completely lost in the way brendan’s eyes were locked in on you like he was trying to tell you something that his mouth, for once, wasnt letting him. He was patiently waiting for you to speak, but words were hard to come by for you right now. Mark nudges you and it’s enough to get you to clear your head momentarily. 

“Yeah, i guess you are,” you admit, sitting back in your seat thinking of all the times he really had been. The heating pad patches he stole from the trainer for you during your time of the month because you got really bad back cramps, the brunches hed force you to eat with him because he saw how stressed you were and how you were skipping meals, and the night drives hed take you on even though he had an early skate the next morning just because he knew you loved them. He knew how you liked your tea from watching you make it so many times, could sense what kind of music to put on based on your mood from the second you got in the car, when to push you to be social and when you just needed a good squeeze and some silence. He was watchful when you went out, protective, and able to read when it was time to go with just one look. All these things he had picked up on and continued to do for you and you cant help but love him because of it, best friend be damned. He ducks his head, fiddling with his fork on his plate when you send him a small smile, the tiniest of blushes dusting his cheeks. When he glances back up, that cheeky grin is back and you know the moment has passed.

You try to settle into the rhythm of the night, but the exchange from earlier has you in your head. How long had you and brendan been dancing around each other for? His bright, enigmatic nature captured your heart from pretty much the first moment you saw him at the center of the room, holding court. You were drawn to him in a way that you’d never let him know out loud. One that’s lived on and grown into all kinds of love, even if you couldn’t say it. 

And he was drawn to you in much of the same way. He could never figure out how you could walk into a room and instantly it was yours, even if you didnt want it. How you could command so much attention, all while staying on the outskirts. He wanted you back then, and he wants you now but apparently you dont feel the same way. 

“Maybe you should go talk to her”, thomas’s elbow knocks into his best friend’s side as they walk home, pulling him from his thoughts. Brendan shakes his head, eyes focusing on the sidewalk and mumbles out some bullshit excuse even though he knows it was less of a question and more of a suggestion. 

Thomas pushes again, knowing the stubbornness of his friend. “C’mon, youre not allowed to mope if youre not going to do anything about it.”

“I’m not-”

“You’re never quiet and youve been scarily quiet ever since she said she’d pick me” thomas points out, never afraid of calling brendan out on his shit. 

Brendan snorts in response. “yeah, exactly she doesnt want me so”

Thomas rolls his eyes. “We both know that’s not true,” brendan opens his mouth to protest, “just go to talk to her.” and then he leaves his side to catch up to matty ahead of them. Brendan sighs and glances back over his shoulder. You’re trailing the line, always on the outskirts and he smiles to himself. Duker walks beside you, talking your ear off but brendan can tell youre not giving him your full attention. You look far away, your smile not reaching your eyes. See, always observant when it comes to you he thinks. And now he has to do something about it. He slows his pace until he’s nudging duker off the sidewalk and shoving him forward with eddie much to the boy’s disgruntled protests. The fact that you don’t even scold brendan for his actions confirms his observations that you are very much in your own head. He struggles with where to start, not wanting to make this about him. 

“Just spit it out, b” you say, sounding tired but still soothing like youre coaxing it out of him when he was the one here to make you feel better. 

He grins, your teasing relaxing him a bit. “Sooo.”

“So.” you echo.

“You’d really choose bordeleau, huh?” 

You bite the inside of your cheek to fight your smile. As much as the situation hurt your heart and stressed you out, you knew brendan wasn’t going to let that go. And maybe part of you hoped he wouldnt, so that you could finally have this conversation. 

When you don’t answer right away, he continues, “what, im not good enough for ya?” he bumps into your shoulder and keeps his tone light but you can tell its purposeful, the weight of his words heavy. 

“Bren,” you dont know what else to say without saying it all.

He grins, noting the blush on your cheeks. He was getting somewhere here. 

“No, no. it’s fine” he holds his hands up in surrender, “bords is quite the package. All tatted, and sexy, and smooth talking and deep” he rattles on.

You laugh then, “are you sure youre not the one in love with bords here?”

“Damn straight he is” thomas calls out from a few people ahead. 

You giggle as brendan shamelessly confirms but then his hand finds yours and hes slowing the both of you down until you’re several paces behind the rest of the group. 

He swings your hands back and forth like hes done so many times before and just like every other time you try not to get lost in it. He sucks in a breath and you sneak a peek at him. Does he look nervous? He hopes not. “I just thought youd choose me is all” he shrugs. Your breath catches in your throat. “And why would i do that?” you ask, fighting to stay calm.

He puffs his chest out, “I mean, im pretty sexy, smooth talking, and deep. I could be tatted if that’s what you’re into, but you’re gonna have to talk to patrice.” 

You scoff, but appreciate his humor. “As if, brisson. Im not dealing with that man because of your bone head choices.”

He shrugs, chuckling at your response ”your loss. But, i dont know. I just think we’d be good together, ya know?” he pulls you to a stop at the crosswalk. 

You watch as the traffic passes you by, unaware of the situation at hand. “And why do you think that, bren?” 

He looks both ways before he leads you across the street. “We’re good for eachother. Like opposites but not”

“Opposites but not” you repeat.

He flashes that smile of his at you. “Opposites but not. Like you have this way about you. Calming-”

“Calming?”

He grins down at you, “yes, calming. Are you just gonna repeat everything i say or are you gonna let me finish?”

You mime zipping your lips as a gesture for him to go on. “You just, make me feel…peaceful? I don't know if that’s the right word. Like im this ball of energy all the time but then im with you and you even me out. Like i feel like i can breathe and just be still, but still be me. Youre exciting but safe. You have such a kind heart but dont let anyone walk all over you, especially me. You’re so soft and caring but pushy when i need it…we’re a good match”

You try to remain calm as he reveals each new insight into the way his brain sees you. 

“I know i dont have a whole lot to offer besides some laughs-”

“That’s not true” you cant help but cut him off before remembering you were supposed to be letting him speak his peace, “sorry.” 

Your rebuttal brings a light pink color to his cheeks. He tries to recover, defaulting to bringing some humor to the conversation. “no , please go ahead and tell me all about my redeeming qualities.” 

It’s your turn to blush, a rush of thoughts flooding your mind.  

“You dont have to say anything. I just wanted you to know. We’d be good together”, he says matter of factly. “Much better than you and bordy,” he scrunches up his nose. 

While listening, your pace had slowed and now you were barely moving. “You know, i think…” you drawl out. “For once you might be right” you smirk up at him. He smirks back at you. “I had a feeling you might say that. I think you owe bordy an apology for leading him on though.”

You glance in his direction where the guys had separated themselves way ahead of you. “You think he’ll forgive me?” you joke.

“If he doesnt, ill make him,” brendan promises and you know that hed keep his word. You settle into the walk back, mulling over the revelation that your best friend actually felt the same way. 

You finally speak up. “How long have you thought this?” “Ive always thought so. Probably since you walked into that party freshman year”. He answers without hesitation. “Well actually that’s probably more when i first noticed you. I thought we’d be good together when you grabbed my hand to help me off the table and you didnt even know me or try to know me. You just made sure i didnt fall and then carried on your way”

You laughed at the memory. “You do love a good challenge and elevated surfaces.”

He gave you a bump, laughing as well. “It wasn’t so much that you were a challenge, it was more that you tried to help me, like it was just natural for you to stick out your hand and help a complete idiot stranger. You werent trying to get something from me, you were just helping and made sure i was okay and i liked that about you.”

You feel warmth spread over you as he recalls your act of kindness.

“You really did have me worried there.” 

“At least nothing’s changed” he laughs. 

“Youre right, B. nothing’s changed. Youve had me this whole time.” you sigh out with relief at finally saying the words out loud. They werent as scary as your mind had made you think theyd be. “I have to say though, the defining moment for me was not you on that table.”

Brendan gasps, “you mean my drunk ass on a table didnt charm you? I’m apalled”

“Big word, briss” you tease, shrieking as his arms wrap around you and pretend to throw you into the street with a car coming down the road. “Brendan brisson” you holler, his hearty laughter mixing with your shouts. Not one of the boys ahead pays you any attention. 

“Okay they are no longer my friends” you huff as he sets you steady, keeping one arm around your waist and tugging you into him as you continue your journey home.”no one even turned around! What if i was being kidnapped?”

 Brendan doesnt see that as a possibility, brushing it off. “Id protect you. now . i want to hear more about when you fell head over heals in love with me” he smirks.

“Oh this is never going to last” you groan, but he pulls you in tighter, hand squeezing your hip and you can’t say that you dont lean into it. You entertain him though, “id say it was that same night, but it was when i saw you with the freshmen.”

He raises an eyebrow at you and you can see he’s trying to work through that night. “You were telling some story and you seemed so excited about whatever it was. Your arms were making these big gestures and everyone was eating it up. You looked so bright and alive. Your energy was contagious. Mackie was clearly hanging off your every word, but like i could tell you werent some jerky upperclassman about it. If hed excitedly interject youd laugh and let him take the stage but the light would always come back to you. You made sure to include mark and eddie and when luke looked uncomfortable off to the side you drew him in and made sure he felt welcome. I hadnt seen that boy smile all night until he was with you and you got him to open up. You have a big personality and an even bigger heart.”

“I didnt know you were watching all that”

“Some of us are observant, bren” you grin at him.

“Im choosing to ignore that comment,” he rolls his eyes, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, “so now that we’ve established we’re good for each other, what’s our plan?” 

“When in your life have you ever been worried about plans, mr. brisson” 

He wrinkles his nose, “don’t ever call me that again. Makes me think of my dad.”

“Well i could think of some other things i could call you…”

“Like….?”

“Mine.”

#brendan brisson #thomas bordeleau #not really but kind of #umich hockey #my writing

[winderlylandchime]

Hello! I’m here to tell you that my brother and Brian the cat are officially back home! I have to tell you some stuff tho! I was asked (nicely) to send you a message and i almost died when i got texts from my dad yesterday, so i knew i had to let you know. Anyway just a little thing for you to read because i thought you should see it as well.

I got a text from my dad that my brother befriended the old lady that sat next to him on the plane and they discussed Desperate Housewives because he is still watching it (he isnt at Gales season yet) and the lady really liked it back when it aired. He originally mentioned Gale and was about to tell her about qaf and my dad smacked him on the head and went ‘don’t even think about it. I’m not (my name)’ (he mentioned Gale and went ‘he was on this show Queer as OW’ according to my dad. You can take a guess when my dad smacked him) So he definitely has different ways of dealing with him than I do..I wouldve let it happen and then watch in amusement for 5 hours while he has an old lady trapped with him on a plane while he talks about two dudes in love.

ALSO! They had a surprise party planned for him. And i got a video sent to me of my brother’s girls (aka the queens) and his best friends that came to wait for him at the airport. They even made him a sign (the sign said ‘welcome back Mr Wannabe Kinney’) and he was so happy. And then they all surprised him at that bar they all go to! Turns out my mom, grandma, grandpa and the queens planned a surprise welcome home party. They decorated it all with signs that based on some photos had qaf topics written on them and balloons and when he sent me a photo this morning of all of them in a group, i swear it’s the cutest shit ever. I wish you could’ve seen it but just imagine a shit ton of people where 98% are queer, a few drag queens and then in the middle a dude with a Britin shirt on that looks like he doesn’t even belong there. It’s adorable how happy they all are to have him back and I can’t wait to find out how long that lasted until he unloaded all of his qaf/gale/randy/britin knowledge on them.

And secondly, I’m a little late with this but he did text me before he boarded the plane, asking me to relay a message to you: ‘yooo tell them that I just read that last chapter while we were waiting on our flight. What a fucking ending. I actually loved it, felt good, felt nice, felt like the right time. Wish that the real show ended in a similar way. For real (my name), you’re gonna love it when you read it.’

After that I texted him your replies to my message and he immediately texted me back ‘DRAG QUEEN STORY IS NEXT?! FUCK YEAH! I CANT FUCKING WAIT!’ And then in the middle of the night (so for him around 3 am) a very lovely text followed up: ‘can you nicely ask them to tell their Hannah Montana friend that I fucking love the new story. I have so many guesses and theories how it’s gonna go and I can’t wait to be wrong cause I know it’s gonna be better. And this shit is based on how the other person’s friends met?! I have so many questions, I feel like they’re right up my ally.’ After that he spammed my phone to ask me if I’ve read both of the fics yet (i have and they’re absolutely brilliant. You guys are talented as fuck)

Today he actually called me to talk to me about your epilogue and about your friends fic. This is really how we will bond from now on, isn’t it? I did send him your little teaser of the drag queen fic and he completely lost his shit. He’s so excited and if you were nervous about writing this fic, just so you know, you got a random straight dude in your corner because he is so excited for it, it’s kinda ridiculous (not really, its actually really sweet)

Btw, about the podcast Ron and Dan were on, I’ve also never listened to their podcasts even though I knew about it. But curiosity did get the best of me so I went and checked it out. It was a pretty decent interview. I don’t think it made me hate them more or less, kinda just the same. They didn’t say anything that I would clock as bad. I did see that they might do a part 2 where they’ll answer fan’s questions so i guess we’ll see then how i feel about them.

Dear sweet anon! Thank you so much for sending this update.

Queer as OW I'm dying! I would have let him trap that lady too. Maybe gotten another viewer of the show!

Welcome Back Mr. Wannabe Kinney! Oh I love that. I'm going to guess that since they're his friends, they're used to him info-dumping on them and they signed up for this. Otherwise, they wouldn't have encouraged it with their care packages. They know who he is.

I'm so glad he (and you!) enjoyed the final chapter of Fireflies. It was a short chapter given how long it took me to write it. I'm just terrible at ending fics.

This is my friend's story (as I texted it to the fic author):

"We were at a sex party and after fucking, I asked for his number and he actually gave me his real number instead of what he usually did which was give out the number of the last guy who had 'exchanged' numbers with him."

I'm excited that he's excited for the drag queen AU. It's going to be a long time coming though. I mapped it out yesterday and it's going to be about 20 chapters because I want a chapter devoted to each of the drag race all-stars challenges. And I'm going to include actual queens from the show. I want to have a good amount written before I start posting to make sure I'm up to the challenge. It's hard to capture everyone's voices and balance that many moving parts. My fics tend to focus on relationships and mental health, I don't write super plotty fics so this is new for me. I'm really excited for it though.

I'm going to check out the podcast! After I finish listening to my library book. WHILE WE WAIT FOR ANOTHER RANDY PODCAST EPISODE.

#ask winderlylandchime #dear sweet anon #queer as folk #a straight man watches qaf us 2000 in the year of our lord 2023 #2024 edition

[jack--ofalltrades]

im so normal (every time i see anything serious relating to franziska von karma i feel the biggest pang in my chest. like i cannot describe it its like the biggest weight in my heart and i have the urge to just start weeping. god she means everything to me i dont think im ever gonna get over it. constantly being second place (IN EVERYTHING) to someone who came after you. to someone who let themself be bested by a random defense attorney. to someone who dragged your (singular? plural?) family name through the fucking mud. that would fuck me up so so so bad and its the fact that she just cannot beat him ever. and when she gets the chance when she finally receives a case that phoenix wouldve lost shes fucking SHOT IN THE SHOULDER LIKE HER DAD. and who takes over her case? none other than her older (little) brother!!! who beats her at everything! so who won that case? her little (older) brother! of course! and god its the fact that hes just. hes always ahead of her. he prosecutes before she does with less training, hes probably the favored child even though she came first, he gets better (mentally) before she does and he learns all this stupid what it means to be a prosecutor shit before she does. like its in everything. and he is so !!! like i dont want to say smug about it but god their interactions in 2-4 make me physically ill. i know im biased but jesus christ the way he speaks to her sometimes makes my blood boil!! anyway god yeah. im not saying hes a bad person or anything and im not saying that franziskas way of thinking is healthy it just. every time i think about what she went through and how her competition with him works i get like a pit in my stomach. she means the absolute world to me if i were her id be fucking inconsolable) anyway yeah so how was your day

#franziska von karma #ace attorney #justice for all #guys i love her so much can you tell franziska von karma is my favorite ace attorney character #i feel like its not that obvious tbh #(sarcasm)

[idiotwhotalkstoomuch]

Man I really hate plots where the MC does something I couldnt stop them from doing and now all the characters are mad at me

(Tags spoil Lesson 12-13 btw so dont read it if you plan on playing obey me and dont want spoilers)

#obey me #obey me shall we date #I hate this fucking trope #I just wanna date Asmo but nooooo we have Belphie drama sob #Im just gonna speed through it since plots like these I read before hand to see how long it drags out #it physically pains me when Im trapped in scenarios where the mc does something that upsets the cast and now I have to watch and help them #make amends #idk man its just in every scenario like those I would never do that #thank fuck it resolved itself quickly #wouldve lost my shit if it dragged on

[azrielsribbon]

!!! A COURT OF SILVER FLAME SPOILERS !!!

Alternatively, Asli finished the book in like six hours and has many, many thoughts.

ON THE TOPIC OF NESTA, SOME CASSIAN AND NESSIAN AS A WHOLE.

holy shit. this is a lot.

She has grown so much, and I mean that by the little things.

I love that sjm didn’t make it so she was addicted to the wine and sex

Okay I understand Nesta was frustrating sometimes because she really was stubborn but some of the shit Cassian said was really out of line. Especially when he screamed that no one like fucking liked her.

Cassian was down so bad this entire book and I knew that the moment he said he hadn’t bed a female in two years. He was STARVINGGG

Her determination in getting down those stairs, I probably wouldve tested myself down a window or something.

I liked how she bonded with the House. It was a refreshing, different take on loneliness and finding a friend.

The House and how it looked after her. It was the biggest thing in her journey.

One theme I see in Nesta a lot is self sabotage, especially when it means the safety of others. She’s ready to throw herself in front of them.

Her banter with Cassian was really nice to read.

WHEN SHE MENTIONED HAVING A THREESOME TWICE I DIED

Cassian and his backstory was rip. It was really sad thinking about how little kid Cass really regretted some of the things that even he couldn’t control.

sjm did not disappoint with inner thoughts. Those were really refreshing.

She wasn’t vividly jealous or furious at Mor and Cassian’s friendship and I really liked that take.

Cassian’s silent jealously when Helion tries to flirt with Nesta and she dodged it LMAOOO

When Cassian kisses her in front of their family to help her get out of the map

Her silent bond with Az! That kept me going honestly. He was a sly bastard sometimes.

Sometimes I really questioned somethings, like those fast smut scenes but that’s just my preference.

Her marching down to Amren’s after she finds out they voted against her having the weapons she Made

Not to mention how she told Feyre about the baby and the labor risk out of anger, that really hurt both of them and me.

When she stayed silent during her punishment hike with Cassian. Each thought tore me apart.

When he warned her about falling and she was glad he didn’t see the expression on her face. How she didn’t mind if she fell down and how it would better.

When she cried after all those days of silence and finally told him how she felt underneath all that.

He softened up fast too and blamed himself for not realizing all this time why she hated the fire.

Can we talk about that dancing scene with Eris? And how Cassian was secretly exploding on the side as he remembered her mother wanted her to marry a Prince just like Eris.

WHEN ERIS ASKED RHYS WHAT HE WANTED IN EXCHANGE FOR NESTA TO BE HIS BRIDE AFTER LIKE A COUPLE DANCED LMAOO

The Solstice scene had my heart. The gift Az got Nesta and how she hugged him after he told her about it. How Cassian smiled at the sight.

HOW CASS GOT HER A LITTLE MUSIC BOX RECORDED WITH THE MUSIC FROM THE BALLROOM AND HOW HE ASKED THE MUSICIANS TO PERFORM IT FOR HIM AFTER EVERYONE LEFT SO HE COULD GET IT FOR HERRRR

They really kept shit away from each other till it exploded in an argument and that’s a reoccurring theme with this book couple.

WHAT MADE ME SO FRUSTRATED WAS HOW HE WANTED TO STAY IN HER BED AFTER SEX AND SHE WANTED TO CUDDLE BUT THEY DIDNT SAY ANYTHING AND ASSUMED THE OTHER DIDNT WANT IT

The topic of mates was RUSHED. Like I mean really rushed. First they argue, he says shackled and then the next time they get to speak (after the forced Blood Rite and labor scene) they accept it? I dont know, it didn’t sit with me.

I wish Nesta would elaborate on why she didn’t believe in Mates even more and Cassian would actually listen for once. Again, rushed.

The ending was fast paced in my opinion. We could’ve really had more to go off of, I needed more domestic Nessian.

ON THE TOPIC OF NESTA, GWYN, EMERIE

I am obsessed with Gwyn, Emerie and their friendship with Nesta.

I love how Gwyn and Nesta started, both gritting their teeth and still appreciating that aspect of each other.

How Nesta raced to help her with a book even when their first encounter wasn’t the friendliest.

Gwyn being persistent in paying back her small debt. I love her.

When Gwyn applied to defense lessons after Nesta defended them from the scholar priestess.

Emerie, my homegirl. I love her to death. The way she easily befriends Nesta, how Nesta stands up for her when her cousin comes to bother her.

I don’t know if it was just me, but Emerie and Mor might possibly be something. Either good friends or interested lovers.

THE WAY EMERIE BONDED OVER SMUTTY NOVELS WITH THE OTHER GIRLS AND LET THEM BORROW HER STUFFFFFF

Gwyn helping Nesta with her research on Valkyries. Muah.

Gwyn and Az, I feel like something might happen here and if it does, I do not want any Elriel drama getting dragged in, MY GIRL GWYN HAS BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH OKAY

Gwyn thinking she doesn’t deserve the purity jewel the other priestesses wear and her backstory honestly just broke me. She endured so much.

Emerie and everything she lost. Her mother, her brother, her wings and any dreams she had of flying. How she distracts herself with work and gardening to keep that off her mind.

The way the girls all developed inside jokes, jokingly hanged up on Cassian at training and always had Nesta’s back.

The way they were dedicated to each other even during the Rite when they couldve let one another behind and won.

HER SISTERSSS I CRIED I WOULD DIE FOR THIS MF TRIOOOO

ON THE TOPIC OF THE INNER CIRCLE + THE ARCHERON PARENTS

Fey-ruh was pregoooo she and Rhys raw dogged it

I felt really really bad when no one fucking told her she would die because the baby had wings and she wasn’t fit to give birth like that. Like. What.

Can we talk about how they fucked when Feyre was in her Illyrian form and didn’t think the thing through?

Rhys, I can’t stand the guy. First he wants to make a bargain with his mate that they die together and then he wants to keep it from her that she can die when giving birth to their kid.

I think what pissed me off the most was when he was trying to help Cassian get Nesta out of a nightmare/power “episode” and had to experience what she did with the Cauldron and seeing Elain and Cassian hurt. He said he knew she was feeling something but seeing and feeling it yourself was different. Yeah, what else did you think smartass.

Rhys has a habit of keeping important shit secret, Amren is no better either. I think that’s what pissed me off the most. They sometimes kept the too important shit away.

As much as Nesta grew, so did Feyre. They both developed pretty good in my mind, I don’t hate her as much as I despise Rhys sometimes. All and all I love how she and Nesta ended up.

Amren....I get her point about Nesta using and abusing their friendship. At the same time, sometimes she was too harsh.

Elain, darling old cottage core aesthetic Elain. I found her to be a little insufferable sometimes. How she showed up unexpectedly at the Library to talk to Nesta and they got into an argument was funny to me since Nesta pulled out some stuff on her.

ELAIN THANKING NESTA AND SAYING FINALLY AFTER SHE TELLS HER TO “OH FUCK OFF” AT THE SOLSTICE PARTY WAS SO RANDOM

Elain and Lucien is some fucked up shit. I understand how she doesn’t want to acknowledge the fact that they’re mates and all that but you can atleast thank the guy when he gives you a gift on Solstice.

I feel bad for Lucien because as sweet as Elain might show to be, she’s really hurting him and could just reject him if she really doesn’t want him.

AZ AZ AZ I LOVE HIM AND HIS SLY MOMENTS

Az when he cockblocks is the best thing. Do it more often.

Az and Nesta’s bond is something I want to see more, as well as how she literally thought about a threesome with him and Cassian.

Morriiiiigan. Everyone mentions her beauty and how she’s like the sun walking and I admire that. She wasn’t as annoying as I thought she’d be on the topic of Nesta and Cassian being an item.

She also wasn’t in the book as much which made sense since she was in Vallahan. I did like how she accepted Nessian towards the end.

The long awaited Mrs Archeron. Some of my theories about her proved true! About how she groomed her daughters into marriage ideologies at the worst age. 12 and 11? What the fuck?

The way she called Elain a pretty thing with no ambition at 11, no wonder Nesta and Elain have no proper knowledge of survival like Feyre did. She was set on making sure Nesta married someone who would treat her well, Elain married someone rich since her beauty was beyond all three of them.

Literally Mrs Archeron was not okay LMAOOO why are you telling your daughters this when they haven’t even bled yet damn CHILL

I felt bad since she didn’t care for Feyre and only their father doted on Elain and Feyre. Nesta was kept all to her mother to feed off Mrs Archeron’s narcissism.

Not to mention she died a year later

I found it funny Elain mentioned how at 15, Nesta even had their dad fearing her. Like it’s your daughter, wdym you fear her

The backstory on how Nesta treated him and how she feels now looking back. It was saddening and I unfortunately know the regret of not doing somethings. It must eat her alive.

I enjoyed reading this book, even if I wasn’t content with the ending. I tabbed a LOT of things so you’ll probably catch me editing and adding more to this in the morning. Thank you for reading all the way down here! 🤍

#nesta archeron #nessian #acosf spoilers #acofas #a court of silver flames #acotar #a court of thorns and roses #cassian #feyre archeron #elain archeron

[garrothromeave]

the hell is mystreet season 6??

(warning, long post ahead)

ok so before i start this

1) ive never posted shiiiit on tumblr before so watch me suffer, im just here to talk about stuff that my friends who dont know anything about aphmau have to listen to me rant about for hours on end

2) i havent seen mystreet in like years (except season 3, i watch that frequently since im laurance and shadow knight deprived) so please bear with me because i might be completely wrong on this lol. it’s just like, pointing out things i remember

3) im sure someones already talked about this but who cares

4) im gonna do this stupid thing where i just explain myself a bit at first, if you dont want to read that just skip to the part where you see “the actual thingy:” in bold and italics 

5) mild disclaimer; i am completely aware that jessica is not a professional writer. i know that she did her best to appeal to her fans, and honestly, respect for that. while this post will come off as aggressive and probably look like hate, that’s not my intention in the slightest. it’s just... intense criticism. im sure y’all probably already know that, but yeah, just stating that anyways. i do believe that jess is doing her best, and in no way do i want to dismiss any hard work she’s done. that being said; prepare for a very strongly opinionated post.

haha watch there be 10000+ typos in this making me look like a complete dumbass

ok here we go 

one of the main reasons i stopped watching aphmau back in 2017 was the mess that was season 4. like, in the first few episodes of the emerald secret, i thought “woah!! this is kinda cool, im a sucker for mystery!” because of course i was, it was something new and something exciting. the only problem i had with it at the time was kim, but that’s just because i always found her annoying and out of place. i just didn’t understand why garroth dragged her along and honestly i still don’t to this day BUT, moving on.

anyways, as the season progressed, 13 year old me was of course just “:0!!” the entire time--that is, up until the reveal of the main villain. i remember watching the episode, seeing the reveal of ein, and then stopping. like, just for a quick break, but i was still just overwhelmingly disappointed. like, and this was the time when pdh was airing and ein just got made alpha (i think?) and i had really really liked eins character in pdh. either way, that really sucked and actually opened my eyes to a lot of things.

one of the main things bein’ the fact that this was supposed to be a slice of life kinda series that decided to take a turn to a more edgy kinda approach. which, i guess i regularly wouldnt mind? but seeing as mcd was kinda bein neglected at the time it just didnt sit right with me. BUT WHATEVER, point is i stopped watching mystreet all together at the end of season 4.

like, a whole year later my brother tells me that shit’s getting intense in season 5 + 6 of mystreet, and my brilliant self decided to give it a shot--but i refused to watch all of season 5, so i only stepped in when ein made an appearance. so whenever that was, that’s where i picked up because i didnt care enough to see 

and y’know--i honestly didn’t hate it at first. in fact, i found it oddly cool. it wasn’t enough to get me into aphmau again, but it was enough to where i was intrigued. i dont know why, but i never watched the finale, so i didnt see the ending until just a few weeks ago--but back then, i thought it was neat. looking back on it however... im just so confused. 

side note: only got back into aphmau this time around because of mcd. mainly because like, i adore the first season and the first half of the second season. and being nearly 18 now, im a lot more appreciative of plot and well-written characters n junk. 

the actual thingy:

ok back on track. imma stop spilling out my story of how i got back into aphmau, and lets just skip to what rewatching mcd made me realize of season 6′s plot and shit:

-emmalyn. how the fuck does ghost even remotely exist? if she’s emmalyn as claimed, then why have we already seen emmalyn in the mystreet universe alive? look i get that creators can do whatever they want with their stories but at the same time please provide some sort of explanation good god. and maybe they did and i just havent seen it, so if there is one--let me know. but until that day imma just sit here confused as fuck

-ok so imma just be real, the whole ‘ultima’ thing is just... not great. in my opinion, anyways. like... i saw someone mention this in another post, but if this ultima stuff was like, a really big deal, why isnt it mentioned in mcd? though i suppose since its a curse of sorts, it could be later on past the time period in which mcd takes place--but even then, how did it manage to make its way into aaron’s family bloodline? 

-WHY IS EVERYONE AT STARLIGHT ITS JUST SO CONVINIENT like what happened to this place being the most expensive shit on the planet or whatever, and how the gang happens to run into like, the werewolf trio and blaze and kai and guy and nate all of these people like god damn life doesnt WORK LIKE THAT 

-im sorry but turning people into relics? thats... thats the best you could come up with? plus, like, how does that even work? in mcd it’s established that relics are separate entitles that choose their wielder, based on a ‘personal’ connection (being a descendent of a previous wielder) or if they’re a good match personality and (i think?) moral wise. so the whole turning-people-into-relics doesnt make much sense to be honest. 

-irene really over here using her god powers to only keep her friends alive like god damn not a great god if you ask me 

-can i talk about how incredibly predictable aphmaus death was? like i just kinda sat there waiting for it to happen and when it did i literally went “haha! wonder when she’ll be revived” because god forbid we actually kill off characters 

-when aphmau + demon warlock fought in the irene dimension there was no passage of time whatsoever in the real world whiiiiiiiiich really bothers me because they fought in there for at least a few minutes

-speaking of aphmau and the demon warlocks fight does it bother anyone else that it had to be aaron who took over the fight?? like we get it hes the big protector blah blah blah but god damn it wouldve been cooler if aphmau had fought this battle as her. aaron fighting this battle was so underwhelming

-...love. like, thats the only thing thats needed to break out of a forever potion? love? LIKE YEAH, GOOD GUYS GOTTA WIN SOMEHOW, but its just so cliche and overdoneeee

-oh yeah and also when travis went bonkers and became the demon warlock or whatever, why’d he only take over katelyn and garroth?? like, zane had been influenced by the potions in the past as well? DONT GET ME WRONG--i do love some good brother edge, but uh, the demon warlock was just bein kinda a dumbass by not possessing zane too just sayin’

-can aaron please go to fucking jail for mass murder now like holy shit, he just got sent home on a fuckin boat. also why did blaze forgive him for killing him thats not even remotely realistic. then again, nothing in mystreet has ever been realistic when it comes to characters and motives and personalities, (cough katelyn being actually abusive and travis being an actual pervert) but yknow whatever

-katelyn and kawaii chan literally added nothing to the plot whatsoever. like lets be real, katelyn lost her personality the moment season 5 started and kawaii chan just kinda sits there :I

-ok im sorry this was bound to come up but cmon guys imagine laurances potential if he was in season 6 like god damn this is beyond maddening. AND YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A REALLY REALLY COOL PARRALLEL?? IF IT WAS LAURANCE WHO SNAPPED GARROTH OUT OF HIS MIND CONTROL THING, because it would mimic laurance’s speech to get garroth to snap out of his rage in season 1, episode 100 of minecraft diaries. like how fuckin rad would that have been? missed opportunity 

-also?? why does kim/ghost know magicks?? like, if i remember correctly, emmalyn is a scholar--not someone who knew magicks. i mean, i guess research? study?? but its been established that knowing how magicks works =/= being able to use magicks. i dunno, just doesnt seem right i guess. maybe its explained, i wouldnt know (yes i know that makes me look like a dick leave me alone)

-melissa should have stayed dead. LIKE, NO, ITS NOT AS SIMPLE AS “haha it takes more than a few bullets to kill me”??? look ive got nothing wrong with melissa (cough lie cough) but yknow it would have just been cool a character... stay dead? for once? its just too fuckin cliche that shes alive god damn

-can i also just say the only good thing that came out of season 6 was travis’ dads sacrifice like damn that made me actually sad

-howww was lucinda turned into a relic. or yknow, anyone else? like im sure they explain it better in the actual show i just dont remember, but its just that easy? turning anyone into a relic? granted, a normal person wouldnt be able to produce a good relic, but idk man. IM JUST SAYING; that the only really powerful relics that aphmau should have been able to wield is the one that aaron + zane produced because shad relic and esmund relic moment. lucinda isnt even like, connected to a divine warrior. ALSO, another point, if its seriously that powerful of a relic getting one from just a magic user like lucinda, why go through the trouble? i mean i guess ofc youd want the “all powerful” one that the ultima produces but i mean damn whats the point

-ok this is just going to bother me but in one of the episodes (i think might have been in season 5 actually) where that like, guardian dude was chasing aphmau and zane and at one point they split up and the dude just chuckles at zane diverting paths and goes under his breath “youre not the important one here”, suggesting that aphmau somehow is? first of all, id argue that any ro’meave is significantly more important than aphmau was, especially not knowing much about her other than that shes with aaron. i might be missing some bits an pieces, but if i was that dude id forget about aphmau and go after zane 

-killing off derek for shock factor sucked, and i know the moment was supposed to be really sad because like “oh :( aarons dad is sacrificing himself for his son” but lets be real dereks still was a shitty father and i dont think his reasons for doing what he did was very good at all

-less about plot or more like: why the absolute fuck did the gang bring kim along instead of, oh i dont know, a life-long friend? like, laurance or dante maybe?? im sure its explained, i never saw aphmaus year or most of season 5, but god DAMN id hate to be apart of this friend group AND GOD LIKE, imagine reconnecting with an old friend who ends up getting closer to your best friends and taking priority in their lives over you (cough laurance) like god damn lol

-im just going to preface this one with: i dont remember everything that’s happened, so if im wrong i apologize in advance--but (you actually can correct me if im wrong and please do) didnt like, irene reincarnate her friends in order to give them better lives? I DONT KNOW IF THIS IS TRUE, ITS JUST WHAT I REMEMBER--however, if im correct, then:

a. why the hell would she bring back someone like zane, or gene, or ivy, etc.

b. why the hell do they all have the same exact names? first and last? again, im aware that the whole mystreet+mcd tie wasn’t originally supposed to be there, but i dont think that means such a coincidence can be excused? its just a bit much if you ask me.

c. why the hell is the fact that (as much as i literally hate this) aaron is a decedent of shad being ignored? like, you’d think that something like this would be something thats actually important, or something the demon warlock couldve taken advantage of. or are we completely erasing every other connections to divine warriors besides aphmau + irene? because even if irene did reincarnate them or do whatever it is she did, does she even have the power to sever the connections between them and their ancestors? my guess is, no.

d. speaking of irene why on earth was aphmau able to talk to/see irene, they’re literally the same person are they not? did she like, fuckin reincarnate herself without actually doing it?? BUT--i will give it to them, the demon warlock did refer to aphmau as something along the lines of being “one of the 3 parts of her broken soul” or something like that. however, my point still remains. also what are the other two did i miss that or is it never explained

now; if irene in fact did not ‘reincarnate’ her friends then please ignore that little bit right there :)

but yes, those are a few of the problems i have with season 6 off the top of my head. i would go into like, season 4 and 5 more as well, but i honestly didnt feel like it. at some point i might go into other things, like how important laurance could have been to the plot of these later seasons, or HELL, even dante. i might also go into what could have made season 4, 5, and 6 actually good--maybe... a rewrite? perhaps? but im getting too far ahead of myself, so i just leave you with this for now.

and i know that as soon as i post this 15 more things are just going to pop into my head BUT im going to try and not edit this post because why stress myself with that even more

anyways thank you for coming to my tedtalk 

#in conclusion i hate it here #lets go back to mystreet bein slice of life pls #anyways tune in next week for 'the hell is pdh??' #aphmau #mcd #mystreet #minecraft diaries #please ignore these next tags im just promoting relentlessly #garroth ro'meave #zane ro'meave #aaron lycan #kawaii chan #kim mystreet #laurance zvhal #pls i have no idea how to tag posts #rant

[ivyuns]

love again ❆✰

lee minho

genre: angst / fluff 

word count: 2.4k

warnings: drugs + language + a bit suggestive + a few grammar mistakes (this was written at 5 am plz i cant) 

A/N: why do i keep having dreams of someone who i used to like :(

masterlist

nonidol!minho x fem!reader

taking a picture of the scenery of paris in front of you, smiling of how well it came out, a real smile this time. hearing a voice call out your name, you turn around as your smile dropped, seeing someone who you didnt ever wanted to see. lee minho was his name.

it started as you two were young and in love with each other back in high school. you two we known as the toxic couple. not because you two were bad for each other, but because you did everything together: drugs, alcohol, getting high, sex, you name it. other than those, you two had another side of being soft. the romantic dates and the funny days shared.

the time you two hung out as best friends everyday, making everyone in school thinking you two were couples. the night where minho took you star gazing late at night after having a fight with your mom and ended up kissing you and asking you to be his one and only.

til your mom found out that you did drugs and drank underage because of minho. she forced you to break up with him and you felt like shit. you called him to meet you at the park you two always went to and left the house to go see him.

arriving at the park and sitting on a bench with the winter breeze around you in your light cardigan. feeling something on your shoulders made you feel tense til you smelled where the owner of the jacket is. lifting your head up, a tear fell from your eyes. minho’s eyes soften as he took a seat next to you and wiped the tear away.

“y/n, whats wrong love?” minho asked. “m-min, we need to break up”. minhos eyes widened from your sentence. “b-baby what happen? is everything okay at home? please tell me”. sighing and standing up as you took off minhos jacket off of your shoulders and gave it back to him. “just know that i still love you forever and always and we’ll meet in the next life” and left him.

minho sat there in shock, not knowing what just happened. it felt like a big part of him just left him.

the next week at school, you werent at your seat. you were nowhere found in school. you were just laying on your bed, feeling total shit. feeling nothing to do but just cry to sleep. your mom made you do online school to stop you from seeing minho and his friends. you phone made another noise as you sighed. looking up to see your phone on your nightstand, you see 44 missed calls and 64 messages from minho. tears falling down even more, you ended up falling asleep with a worried minho waiting for you at school.

and that was the last time you ever saw him, you first and last lover. his cousin, who was your best friend had kept in touch with you and told you what minho had done during the breakup. inhaling and consuming drugs, overdosing on drugs, drinking more and going crazy while yelling your name and wanting you to come back into his life.

minho eventually got over the breakup in a year. looking at the memories you gave him, he had the urge to call you names you didnt like him saying. his cousin passed by his room and heard him saying things you hated being called. knowing it was about you since his cousin had knew you before minho so of course you told her everything.

feeling hurt and angry about what she told you, you felt yourself growing apart from him. why still love him after he called you those names? you gave yourselft sometime to heal and feel better about yourself.

now here you are now 3 years later, visiting your dream city, france. you always wanted to come here when you and minho were a bit older but things didnt work out.

turning around after hearing minho called you, he ran over to you. looking at your figure, he can tell you lost too much weight but still had the perfect brown eyes with your hair recently dyed to light brown and your fashion senses that changed. only with you in a black top and baggy tan pants with black converse. god how much did he miss you.

a few minutes after not talking, you figured he just wanted your attention after he searched you everywhere in paris when his cousin gave him updates on you. walking away from him, he quickly grabbed your wrist. “y-y/n, can we please talk?” you made him let go of your wrist and continued walking to your hotel.

minho quickly ran in front of you and stopped you. “please y/n, what did i do wrong?” you sighed and looked up at him. “maybe if you werent so psycho, you wouldve known.”

minho stood there and thought of what happened. was it when you broke up with him? no, it couldnt be your fault. when he called you more than enough? no. when he was about to propose to you and run away with each other? no way. you two broke things before he could even ask.

‘shit’ he thought. it made him realize. he was too angry at some point and called you names that you hated being called and point out your insecurities. he knew someone was outside his door at the time.

facing back reality, he sees you still in front of him. “figured out now, mr lee minho?” you crossed your arms and a little smirk formed on your face. even after years, you still cant stop loving him. minho takes your hand and drags you to a park to lay under the sunset, watching to stars as it turns dark. remembering from your high school days.

laying down with you in minhos embrace, you whispered a ‘i love you’ to minho and fell asleep after missing the warmth of minho. minho, who smiled after you fell into your slumber and pulled you closer to him. “i love you too y/n”

a few hours, you woke up to nobody in the park but you and minho in the dark. noticing you were still in minhos arms, you got up and woke up minho. minho opened his eyes and saw your panic face. “minho, where are we?!”

minho was fully awake now. looking everywhere, he couldnt remember where or how he took you to this area. “god minho if you werent such a dumbass. youre lucky that my phone works fine here” you said as you gathered your stuff and grabbed minho’s hand, forcing him to get up and follow to directions on your phone to where your hotel was.

minho just smiled and walked close to you. “you havent changed a bit y/n” he says. you stopped walking and turned around which resulted minho bumping into you. “youre really asking for a slap are you?” minho quickly shook his head a no and you turned around and began walking again.

-

opening your door to your hotel room, minho was full in daze. everything was decorated beautiful just for a hotel suite, or thats what minho thought it was. “you can sleep on the couch here, ill be upstairs if you need anything” you said and head upstairs where your room was after giving him an extra toothbrush and toothpaste and other necessary items.

“wait y/n!” he calls your name and you turn around to walk downstairs. stopping at he last step of the stairs, minho walks towards you. “can you actually stay down here. i-i mean like so we can catch up on stuff like you know?” you knew he just wanted you to stay down here since he couldnt be alone.

“ya, youre just trying love me again arent you minho?” you joked as you poked him. minho scoffed and went to sit on the couch. “as if”. walking towards the couch and sitting next to minho, you lift your legs onto the ottoman. “im just joking min, of course ill stay here with you” you say to him and looked at him with a happy smile. minho smiles also after hearing you call out his nickname youll call him during your relationship.

hugging you waist, minho leans towards you as you get lost in his sparkling eyes. he lays you down and kisses your lips. at first, you wanted to pull away, but after missing his kisses, how could you resist it? 

a few weeks had gone by and you two had returned to korea as a couple again. another 3 weeks and you moved in with minho after getting kicked out when she found out you found minho. with no hesitation, you facetimed minho about what happened and let his loving girlfriend move in with him.

moving your belongs into his apartment, you felt nauseous. going to the toilet to release the sickness, minho puts down a box and runs over to your side after hearing disturbing noises from the bathroom. “baby, what happened? are you okay?” minho says and tries his best to comfort you while he lifts your hair into a ponytail so its not in the way. “i-i think im-”

tears started streaming down your face as thoughts ran past your brain. what if he doesnt want the baby? is it too early? were still in our early twenties. you were cut off by minho hugging you. “its okay baby. we can check and see in the morning. lets go head to bed, i already got the last box.” nodding your head, minho leads you to the bedroom with his arms wrapped around you and your head on his chest, both slowly falling asleep.

waking up first thing in the morning, you turn and see minho still asleep. going to get ready to for the store. most importantly, for the pregnancy test.

-

walking back into the apartment, you immediately go to the bathroom and take the test. waiting for the test to give out the answer, minho wakes up to you not next to him. grabbing his phone from the nightstand, he goes to your contact and texts you.

my baby <3

where are u ?

hearing the familiar notification bell, he sighs as he realize you didnt take your phone with you. getting up, minho goes to the bathroom and sees you with the test in the palm of your hands. he goes up behind you and hugs you and to see the test come back with positive.

with the biggest smile on his face, minho turns you around to face him. “you dont know how happy i am y/n” “but minho, how are you not mad?” you pulled away from the hug with a confusion look on your face, “shhh, just pretend i wanted this to happen in the future when we dated.” minho back hugs you, facing the bathroom mirror.

you see minhos hands rubbing your stomach. “its been our dream to have kids and get married. and ta da!” turning yourself around, you hug minho at a better position. “thank you minho for loving me back and not leaving us, i love you so much”. minho leaned in and put his forehead on yours. “i love you more than you do baby” and gave you a loving peck.

END <3

yes another minho fic bc this was sitting in my drafts and i dont know where this was heading to hehe

#lee know #lee know angst #minho #stray kids #skz #stray kids angst #stray kids smut #stray kids fluff #skz angst #skz smut #skz fluff #jyp skz #kpop #kpop smut #kpop angst #kpop fluff #lee know smut #lee know fluff #angst #fluff #smut #amoreskz #stay

[oftheredmoon]

my abuser abused me. after 10 years i broke my silence and told my childhood friend. i didnt want justice or anything bc i didnt want to destroy my family, i just wanted to confide in my closest friend. she immediately ran around town and told everyone. 2 years later, i found out random people knew about my trauma and were threatening my abuser as well as on the verge of involving my family. so i lied. and said i lied about the abuse. a lot of people in town hate me. ex-childhood friend hates me and victimizes herself; everyone takes her side. my abuser hates me and rather than be grateful that i took one for the team (since we both know what he did) he uses it against me. tells me he hates me because “you know what you did” on party chat in front of the handful of people who still speak to me.

i can never confide in anyone about this due to cultural reasons. i’m stuck living in a looped hell. people think im some mentally ill wacko who went off the deep end and tried to drag innocent people down with me. i dont do drugs. i dont drink. i dont have an escape. i dont have friends anymore. suicide is not an option. confiding in people is no longer an option. coping mechanisms dont work anymore. self-harm never worked and just made me feel stupid. moving out/running away is not an option. therapy didnt help, neither did meds.

i think the most painful thing is the blatant fact that i will never truly be happy.

i’m expected to get married and have children. i want to get married and have children. but how am i supposed to let my husband lay a finger on me without screaming and crying? how am i supposed to explain that the reason i breakdown everytime he compliments me is because nobody has ever paid attention to me before? how am i supposed to be a good wife and have a good job when im completely talentless and stupid because i spent my whole childhood in a locked room neglected? how am i supposed to a healthy partner when the very thought of him becoming slightly annoyed with me or ignoring me is enough to send me into a psychotic breakdown? how am i supposed to explain why im so mentally ill? why i have psychosis, ptsd, depression, anxiety, adhd, and borderline personality disorder. why im constantly dissociating. how am i supposed to explain why im so physically ill? my heart, my blood sugar, my ulcers, the migraines, the potential cysts, crohns disease, the fact that i can hardly eat without throwing up, the fact that my body has dealt with so much stress that its already giving up at 20 years old. i could keep going, but i wont.

its getting hard to feel anything anymore. i’m no longer in touch with reality. when i try to think about myself my appearance, my name and all the things that once defined me do not come up. im hardly human at this point. i wake up, eat, stare at the wall for 8 hours, eat again, maybe do some homework, and play xbox for a few hours before my abuser inevitably makes a comment and i get triggered and leave before i breakdown in front of everyone.

“just tell ur future husband!!” cant, its not that simple, im not from the west.

“find a supportive/understanding man!!” see above plus: no man is going to put up with a complete emotional trainwreck who can hardly function: thats a receipe for creating a cheater.

“find a friend group that your abuser doesnt hang out with!!” cant, everyone hates me, this friend group is the most successful one ive ever had, im scared of making new bonds, theyll all leave eventually.

“make online friends!!” i have very negative experiences with online friends, id rather not.

“seek professional help!!” already tried, didnt work, they would call the cops if they knew half the shit that happened to me, therapy is not the solution to everything.

“why did u say u lied in the first place...?” bc my abuser going to jail/being confronted by all of this wouldve destroyed my family. i couldnt let that happen.

“why did u expect ur abuser to be understanding and grateful..? they’re an abuser lol...” bc after the whole thing blew up and everyone hated me, we had a mutual agreement and understanding to make it water under the bridge in order to protect our family. guess i was wrong to think he cared about them.

“what do u want me to say then lol... ur not willing to help urself” i cant help myself. “my hands are tied” is the biggest understatement of the century.

this post is not to find my cure. i didnt make this post because i want people in my dms showing me that they’re concerned.

if ur concerned about me harming myself, dont be. you have my 100% guarantee that i will not self-harm or attempt suicide. i gave up on that years ago.

this post is to vent.

this post is for people who are in similar situations as me. people who cant find a way out. people who cant turn to escapes such as drugs. people who protect their abuser whether out of love or for the sake of others.

you’re not the only one. i understand. i know. its hard. you’re drowning. no one will grab your hand no matter how much you reach out. in the rare cases that someone does come you pull away. you’ve lost the best years of your life to trauma and mental illness. it feels like theres no point. nothing helps. nothing works. you’re practically a zombie. you often trigger yourself to cope. you just want the pain to end. you dont want to feel anymore. you want to feel something. you dont want to remember. you want to be loved. you want a sign that you belong here. you want to enjoy life. you want to die. you’re afraid of living but you’re afraid of death.

i’m so sorry you’re hurt. i hope you find peace and salvation in a safe manner. i hope you heal and enjoy life to the fullest.

dont really know how to end this. i hope we’ll all be okay. i hope everyone whos been traumatized can find peace on earth. i hope breathing can start to feel a little easier. sorry this is so long. take care of yourselves.

#depression #traumacore #ventcore #Ptsd #Suicidal thoughts #depressing thoughts #venting #abuse #child abuse #anxiety #bpd #adhd #Suicide #borderline personality disorder #post traumatic stress disorder #Self harm #personal

[fabiasheen]

Bakugan Defenders of The Core

Episode 10: Party in the USA

• YAY SHUNS BACK

• i got caught by the vexos security like 5 fucking times bc i stopped giving a shit

•lync never gives up does he?

• this time he brought volt oop

•aight let’s go

•we choosing midnight percival for this one

•percival should just stab the bakugan with his sword

•alas this is a children’s game (,:

• eX CALiBUUUURRRRRR

• i really woke up today and chose violence

•but what else is new

•THE BATTLE AGAINST BRONTES, VOLT, AND WIRED HAS NO REASON FOR BEING THIS STRESSFUL

•WHY IS ALTAIR GOING FOR THE LANDMARK

•GOD DAMMIT IT GOT DESTROYED

• time to replay

•anyways shun just talking during the battle is what’s keeping me sane rn

•fuck you brontes, i hate your charged shot

•shun: “just like we practiced!” ummmm no?? YOU WERENT EVEN THERE FOR 90% OF THE GAME

•shun deserved to be with us smh

•oh well LMFAO

•also mc wouldve not had ANY TIME to train with shun

•JESUS CHRIST FINALLY

•i won that fucking battle

•periodt percival as you SHOULD

• lync talking and then winking randomly is so fucking weird

•THE TIMING AND LIPSYNC TOO I-

• WHY IS THE US VEXOS SECURITY SYSTEM IN THE US SO BBVWHAHWNS

•thanks for the anxiety omg

•at this point in just walking carelessly into the guards

•also i lost all my vexos passes too

•WHY DO THEY STILL ACCEPT MY VEXOS PASSES

• i would’ve thought by now the vexos guards would be warned about mc and knwo their face by now HAHA

•oh well we have strong plot armor anyways

•i love how in this battle hades is just minding his own business and shooting my holograms while elicos feral ass tries to come @ us

•mylene: do you have any idea who you’re dealing with?!

yes very much. now step aside while i literally drag elico

•THE BATTLE GOT SO LAGGY IN THE SECOND PART JESUS CHRIST

•i don’t recall ingrams charged shots taking long to charge

•”hmph, i don’t get it” me either

•alright so now we are back in the plan for the very last time, imma see what these peoples thoughts are !

•marucho, we’ve been knew that the vexos are in the area-

•DID YOU JUST NOT SEE THE FIGHT BETWEEN ME MYLENE AND SHADOW???

•dan i’m 100% sure spectras already found a way to reach abyss

•ty for the nice comment shun (,:

•mira you just decided NOW that you wanted to stop your brother ???

•no baron, we aren’t teaching you anything. mc gonna hop into that interspace once this entire mission is done

•”you’ve... changed a lot”. ace is that a good or a bad thing-

#we are reaching the end my friends #bakugan #bakugan defenders of the core #dan kuso #marucho marukura #shun kazami #mira fermin #baron leltoy

[vickylamore]

If the Yns from Crys's fics were to meet, what would happen?

OKAY SO LIKE, HI, you'll only get this if you've read at least two of Crys's (@armytinyzenmoa) series cause, its alot to cover.

She already did this for Park Yn (Zemblanity) and Lee Yn (TSTL) but I'm doing it for:

Park Yn - Zemblanity (dumbass number one)

Yn - Glitched (dumbass number two, more logical, still slow.)

Byun Yn - LR (confident hoe, smart ass bitch, love to see it.)

Lee Yn - TSTL (a badass, a fucking queen, my favroite Yn, my baby, will fight for her/him period)

Only these Yns cause I didnt read the other series with Yeonjun and Seonghwa(?) and I don't have enough info on Jung Yn (Prominence) so four for now. I will update it when more Yns are added (series wise) 🙄❤.

Also, THIS IS CRACK. THE TYPOS ARE IMMACULATE but its litterally crack + crack writing style (and no tags cause the series aren't my work so the tags below are litterally... just there cause some of yall won't know about her stories SO IF YOU DONT, DONT READ BEYONG THIS POINT).

But yes, here we go 😗

--

If Byun Yn and Lee Yn were to meet in the TSTL TL!:

Byun and Lee Yn are like lowkey opposites but have the same upbringing traumatic so they can relate to each other.

Best fucking friends (sorry Lucas, Jeno).

They rob banks together period point blank.

Lee is a lot less reckless than Byun but is a lot more of a bitch.

Byun, smarter than the two since she's a fking genius but Lee is a lot more logical when it comes to surviving.

*cough* mafia *cough*.

Bye, theyd run from the cops for fun and if they get caught, Lee would just threatened them with her grandfather's name 😭🤚🏾

Lee Yn would ask Byun Yn to help them burn down SM and Byun would be like, "hold on, I can make a nuclear explosion to disintegrate all the malicious experiments they're performing on people but somehow save all the people affected."

And they'd run with it.

They'd give Baekyun a scare cause he's technically (not really) related to one and is the other's guardian so LR! Baek would kill him if his sister isn't back in one piece.

Taemin wouldn't understand what was happening but if it were to occur, he'd hope that both of them DON'T DIE since he doesn't want the Avengers and everyone else on his ass.

Ten would instigate Byun Yn into fighting him.

No actually.

He wouldn't get his ass beat because its like a two hour sparring match that Baekhyun breaks up.

Lucas is just... there. Confused on who's his best friend but figures it out when Byun Yn pushes him back saying, "hugs are reversed for Jeno."

Mark is fucking tired, probably draws his gun upon seeing two but then grumbles under his breath, "I'm not even surprised."

Lee Yn joins him on a walk while Byun Yn takes all the attention cause honestly, same.

Jongin asks Byun Yn on how to recharge in case of no energy source... cause well, she's a genius.

Byun Yn and Taeyong become friends and hack in SM's system to get all the shady shit they have on Sooman and replace the files with pictures of cats.

Yuh.

THEYD GIVE LEE SOOMAN A RUN FOR HIS MONEY. THATS IT, THATS THE TWEET.

--

If Byun Yn and Yn (Glitched) were to meet in L&R TL!:

She'd leave Glitched Yn for dead, she has no time for dumbasses Im sorry 👩🏾‍🦯

She'd deadass say one thing and Byun Yn would look at her up and down, smirk and whisper, "I could use you for bait."

The only reason Yn isn't dead is because the Avengers saved her before she could die cause they thought it was Byun (deadass wouldve saved her either way but like... priorities.)

THEYD BE SO CONFUSED AND DONE, OVER IT.

Yn wouldn't be TOO big of a dumbass, just very very curious and screw something up which meant that Jeno would try to kill her but Byun would be like "no, dont kill my useless twin."

Yn would be so confused because she just wanted to get her first day of the internship done and she was dropped in a world where the Avengers exists.

Goodbye, she's tired bruh.

Develops a crush on Jaemin, Chenle and Jisung and her become friends because she isn't as reckless as Byun and Renjun... is just tired and doesn't mind her at all.

--

If Byun Yn and Park Yn met in Zemb TL!:

Oh boy.

Someone save Byun Yn PLEASE.

Would accidentally ask Mark why he's in space and not with SuperM and he'd be so confused.

Byun Yn would save Park Yn from Yang² because Park Yn,,

Is just Park Yn *sigh*

That's the tweet.

Byun Yn is deadass is the only reason Park alive because Byun Yn saves her in a world thats not even hers.

Park Yn tries but her efforts aren't enough, needs help from Maverick Agent to get out smh.

Bro Byun Yn would somehow die BECAUSE of Park Yn and Byun would come back from the dead and be like, "whoever tried to drown me is a bitch."

Poor Park Yn would be so mfk confused and terrified and probably cling onto Byun Yn, sobbing into her chest while the other is like, "relax, I can't die here for some reason. If I could then you'd probably have multiple organizations run to kill you--- but don't cry?"

Park Yn would have to explain to YangYang not to take her unless he wants to die.

Ten and Byun Yn become friends, I don't make the rules.

They even become allies but Byun Yn wants to know where it'll go.

Hendery is confused, Lucas is even more confused, Sicheng thinks he fucked up again (IM SORRY), YangYang is intrigued, Kun is tired and tries warning her about Ten but doesn't listen, Park Yn has panic attacks because Byun Yn is being dumb and goes with Ten.

Though, Byun Yn meets her up later and says, "can you get me to a control panel, I wanna get out of here, this place is too crowded and I'm hungry."

Not because Ten tried killing her and she knocked him out

Park Yn would try explaining that they can't escape and Byun would interupt, "don't take me for a dumbass."

BRUH THEYD DEADASS WALK OUT OF SECTOR V NO PROBLEM.

Park Yn asks how Byun Yn did it and she'd be explaining things she wouldn't understand, "matrix, quatrums, space, matter, timeliness and interacting forcefields."

Park Yn would just nod and not even bother.

She'd also tell Byun about all the dumb shit that happened and the other would be like,

"Suprised you aren't dead yet and you really haven't seen anything, come to my world."

Park Yn is ✨traumatized✨

-

If Lee Yn were to met Park Yn in TSTL TL!(specifically for this one, Lee Yn is a girl because of the scenario):

They're litterally polar opposites, one of them is going to kill the other.

LEE YN WOULD TELL PARK YN THAT SHE'S A CRYBABY 💀

No joke, she'd be at Park Yns THROAT for litterally breathing and clinging onto Ten like he's her best friend (I mean)

Bruh she'd steal Mark away from Lee Yn and she'd get salty :(((

Also explore the world like shes a visitor and forget that there's a bounty on her head???

Like yeah, you were on the moon but there's a bounty in your head? The worse thing is that she'd drag her twin with her to the nearest coffee shop and refuses for ANY of the seven men to accompany them.

Something along the lines of, "I dont trust men to protect me anymore."

IM TELLING YOU, THE SHIT ON THE MOON REALLY MESSED WITH HER IM SO SORRY-

WOULD ALSO ALMOST GET BOTH OF THEM KILLED CAUSE SOOBIN DECIDED TO PULL UP AT THE COFFEE SHOP THEY WERE VISITING WITH THE REST OF FKING TXT.

Park Yn would probably run hella slow while they're getting chased with guns and she'd still be like, "why are they chasing us?!"

And Lee would reply, "what part of I'm first in line of my grandfathers grande mafia aren't you understanding?"

Like Lee is TIRED, she doesn't want this shit anymore. Doesn't help that she was going to give Park a chance but she clearly isn't fit for the mafia lifestyle.

The only thing they have in common is Mark. That's it.

So like after running and getting back to base, Lee would litterally chase Park ALL OVER THE PLACE trying to get to her.

For some reason, Park is fast.

Must be from all that running on the moon damn 😭🤚🏾

"Please I dont want to die again!"

- Park Yn, 2020.

Baby girl has been through some shit okay?

Lee Yn got frustrated real quick and almost threated to pull out her gun PLEASE.

Something along the words of, "people try to kill me all the time, let's see how hard it is."

"Stop fucking running!"

"But you're chasing me with a gun!?"

Taeyong would litterally watch this all go down on the cams for like five minutes before he tells the rest of SuperM that Park Yn is thirty seconds away from dying because Lee Yn is now taking the safety off her gun 💀

No Lee really can't stand her.

Its litterally chaos.

Jongin had to glitch to get Park away from a flying bullet.

Taemin was making sure she was fine while being on the lookout for the other Yn.

Baekhyun's trying to help Taeyong erase the film of two Yns running around the base like mad women.

Lucas had to deal with a pissed off Lee Yn cause sis was not having it.

Almost lost her.

He did, in fact, lose her.

Mark had to chase her down AGAIN.

Chaos LMAO

--

If Yn and Park Yn were to met in Zemblanity TL!:

Rest In Peace.

Would die within the first 2 hours of being together.

All because the readers picked 'go to the boiler room' over 'hide in the vents'.

And they BOTH died because someone turned the heat on.

The end.

#nct #superm #IM FUCKING TIRED BRUH #crack #nct crack #superm crack #vickywritings #CRYS DO YOU LIKE IT LMAO #if the yns were to meet

[verannaca]

f2

Major Frozen 2 Spoilers Below!

You’d never be able to tell by reading this that I’m a whole-ass adult, AND a writer :’)

HERE’S SOME THOUGHT BLURBS

• Vuelie smacked with nostalgia holy sHIT • Pretty snowflakes proves this movie is Frozen • BABY ANNA • "wait, what?" • baby anna with attitude • snuggles • iduna/ERW has an amazing voice?? • "you'll be drowned" foreshadowing?? • Elsa freezes the railing and just awkwardly leaves it?? a queen • ANNNAAA • Anna and Olaf • Olaf being poetic?? • poor sweet anna isnt lonely anymore :') • SOOMMEE THINGS NEVER CHANGE this was catchy as heck • "holding on tight to you" that kristanna twirl SENT ME • "irredeemable monster" "greatest mistake of your life" "WOULDNT EVEN KISS YOU" • AURORA • Kristoff getting prepared to spend a LONG time in that room, if u know what im saying ;;;))) • bedtime snuggles and it's now canon that EA call each other "Darling" • anna representing women who drool n snore, and elsas a FUCKING MOUTH BREATHER • elsa's grumpy face >:(      (she’s so cute what the heck) • INTO THE UNKNOOOWWNNNN ft aurora • uh oh kingdom's in danger again THANKSELSA • KA helping the citizens as a true Queen and King would (sPOILERS) • "youve been hearing this voice and u didnt think to tell me" the offence is beautiful • elsa's pouty hesitation before she tells anna what happened • ELSA'S FACE the entire time KA & Olaf plan to go with her on the adventure, she was NOT having any of it • olaf being annoying for x minutes straight • anna ready to get dicked up on a sleigh ride even tho her sis is sleeping 5 feet away from her lmao MOOD • "crazy? you didnt say i was crazy - you think im c R A Z Y?" HER FACE SENT ME • kristoff bumbling everything RIP • aurora is back • elsa runs in heels through rocky land and somehow doesnt break her ankles, 10/10 (i mean anna did the same but it’s expected of her lmao) • olaf being annoying pt2 (sorry, he’s cute ig) • anna getting mad at the mist • anna walking towards the cliff to view the dam and looking like an autumn goddess • sven is a terrible wingman • "WE WILL DIE" good job kristoff • elsa not caring about anna's worry • olaf had a song here i think?? • WIND • elsa looks good when messy idc idc • "THAT'S MY SISTER" that's an outtake line from Frozen!!!! • surprise statues • anna rips a sword out of ice with her bare hands n no one thinks anything of it • northuldra ppl • honeymaren eyefucking elsa (we see u) • olaf's funniest scene lmao • "one with power, and one powerless" ANNAS FACE OF OFFENCE HAHAHAHA IT'S OKAY BB YOU HAVE THE POWER OF LOVE • "oh, anna" oh mattias, we feel u • fire spirit • ANNA COUGHING • BRUNNIIIIIII • bruni & elsa head tilts • "they're all looking at us, arent they" yes elsa because ur talking to a fucking salamander • anna gets mad cuz elsa gets mad cuz anna ran into fire cuz elsa ran into fire • iduna was northuldra (neat) • vuelie but different??? • kristoff made a friend!! • insecure anna + a mutual lacking communication = :( • a sad failed proposal • A SHIPWRECK¿? • this is v dark for disney holy shi • the horror in elsa's voice "what were they doing in the dark sea?!" • they watch their parent's final moments • the horror in iduna's voice "the waves are too high" • this is a kid's movie, yes? • elsa flees, anna follows • THE GUILT ohmygosh poor elsa :( • anna tries v hard, but i can only imagine her own agony??? she's tryna take care of elsa but who's taking care of anna?? :(((( • elsa becomes manipulative?? JUST EXPLAIN THAT IT'S DANGEROUS AND REQUIRES MAGIC • elsa does the thing • anna and olaf are v angry (same) • anna loses her cloak & shows her beautiful jacket?? thank u anna • DARK SEA • elsa battles the ocean that swallowed her parents • Nokk tries to drown her?? dragging her through the water by her hand was INTENSE • i know she doesnt get cold n thats fine but damn homegirl must REALLY workout at home (the shoulders prove it) but she swam for how long and didn't lose energy??? • SHOW YOURSELF I CRIED • the ice was so beautiful and she looked so free n happy, loose hair n no shoes • the song was amazing holy heck • IDUNA WAS THE SIREN, I CALLED IT, HELLO THANK U • elsa's literally like "ok boomer" at her grandfather who's an ass • she goes too far into ahtohallen • inappropriate but ohmygod the ice detail on her skin when she was freezing was crazy??? her hair got whiter n all that BUT THE SNOWFLAKES ON HER SKIN, that was unbelievable • surprise surprise old white guy in power kills innocent poc • elsa freezes like anna did, cuz anna was frozen and elsa is frozen 2 (heh) • back to the cave with anna and olaf • anna knows what has to be done to set things right because she’s the hero and always has to make the painful sacrifices • anna sets off to do whats right but OLAF • rip olaf • anna sits in the cold ALL FUCKING NIGHT DID ANYONE ELSE NOTICE THAT, I AM NOT OKAY • the next right thing B R O K E me. kbell captures such agony so beautifully ohmygod, it was incredible. easily the best song in the franchise. • "SO I'LL WALK THROUGH THIS NIGHT, stumbling blindly towards the light" her voice • anna finds her courage to leave the cave • "when it's clear that everything will NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN" CAN YOU HEAR ME SOBBING AT THE ABSOLUTE ANGUISH IN HER VOICE • this woman has lost everything and SHES STILL GOING, YES ANNA, GO • giants!!! • anna mimicking the behaviour she was against for most of the movie • "I'M HERE, WHAT DO YOU NEED?" this is so important • no questions asked, this is what's happening, kristoff is the real mvp • mattias lets anna destroy the dam • anna becomes suicidal?????? girl stop i- • the dam falls • ANNA ALMOST FALLS- • wait mattias has her • and kristoff has her!! • and she looks ready to keep crying now that the adrenalin is gone • ELSA THAWS but does she REALLY do the right thing??? idk i think she should've let the wave destroy whatever was in its path, otherwise whats the point? wouldve had better symbolism • the Northuldra people are free and happy but poor anna is still sad :( idk why people were saying she got over elsas death too quickly when homegirl was never gonna smile again • "i'm sorry i left you behind. i was just so desperate to protect her." • "it's okay. my love is not fragile." • anna tries to continue on, imagine what was going through her head AHHH • wait there she is • e l s a • on a horse • anna slides down the cliffside, elsa slides off that horse in a v godly manner • ANNA REPRESENTS WOMEN WHO UGLY CRY, THANK U ANNA • elsa is lowkey emotionless but honestly do we expect anything else from her by this point? (no shade hahahaha) • "a bridge has two sides, and mother has two daughters" yes thank u for making anna important • so is elsa a ghost now orrrr • WHO CARES, KRISTANNA PROPOSAL • we were v robbed of that kiss tho • anna's squeal of pure joy when asked • sven representing all of us • "do u wanna build a snowman" bitch it's been like 16 years, ur a bit late but OKAY • olaf is back • GROUP HUG • honeymaren wants elsa to stay "because it's where she belongs" ;;;;)))))) • elsa realises anna would be a better queen • QUEEN ANNA • Q U E E N  A N N A • YESSSSSS • we're robbed of the coronation but that's fine ig • kristoff in fancy clothes??? • "i prefer you in leather anyway" so anna is a top, nice to know • olaf's comment on kristoff probably not being able to "last an hour" ;;;))))) not if annas a top LMAO STOP • mattias found his person, congrats • anna is the people's queen • a statue is revealed, baby iduna is v cute • elsa is in the forest with bruni n everyone else • friday is gamenight • elsa rides off into the sunset i guess?? • THE END • oh and olaf has an ending scene • "elsa DEAD" • "olaf DEAD" • "anna cries" • everyone cries

okay thanks for reading lmao bye

#frozen 2 spoilers #review #kinda?? #it's a blurb #MAJOR SPOILERS #elsa #anna #kristanna

[perenlop]

Tea + pokeani

at the risk of sounding like that shitty anon you keep getting (sorry about that btw) i think that people are wayyyyy too critical of the anime but only for the wrong reasons. stuff like “ash doesn’t age so its bad” or “ash resets his team” or “ash loses even when i think he shouldnt” or “why do the companions change” or “why doesnt he get a specific pokemon but his friend does instead thats bad writing” are all massive nitpicks that can both be explained inuniverse with ease and also just like. amount to this being a show thats been airing for over 20 years with very few hiatuses like its not always gonna be perfect or stellar. sometimes they need to shake things up and we can see from how johto was handled that the resets are pretty necessary.

 theres still stuff to criticize though obviously like they didnt have to keep ash after kanto/johto and then only rotated protags like in pokespe plus theres the genuine nasty stuff the creators have done with the girls + the transmisogny and even little things like team rocket being gnc and poor but also the villains youre supposed to mock and think are dumb. i just think people blow the super tiny stuff like gou getting sobble or pikachu being emotional in an episode wayyyyyyyy out of proportion and the best way i can describe it is if the fandom was an echo chamber where they just yelled the same nitpicks over and over to the point where people think “pikachu lost to a level 5 snivy!” or “iris got a dragonite earlier than i wanted her to!” is genuine perfect criticism.

pokeani itself is admittedly sort of brain candy to me a lot of the time. i do love it and i adore it dont get me wrong, and theres absolutely stuff to talk about and criticize and all that like ash vs paul sinnoh league is a discussion for the ages and i could talk about ash and kukuis father son relationship all day! but basically i primarily watch it for entertainment and i dont really expect top tier writing except for when they obviously want it like the team galactic/paul/alola league arcs and usually the entertainment is very good so i appreciate pokeani just for that.

also ive talked about xy to death already so uhhh while i love diamond and pearl and its my favorite arc i still remember it having issues like that third year drags pretty hard (maybe they shouldnt have gotten rid of gliscor and MAYBE it wouldve been better but noooo) and also the abuse apologism in paul’s arc here and there (+ pauls entire reasoning for being that way was just awful like even as a kid i called bullshit) and gible being shoe horned in was so tedious. its still my favorite overall like it has my favorite group and my favorite pokemon teams and battles and episodes but i feel like people gloss over those flaws when stanning this series and then go and shit on bw. also tobias was funny as fuck i want him back fight me

bw was also like... i feel like i will always have at least a bit of fondness for it bc i have nostalgia for it and unova is my favorite region, and i love a ton of pokemon in ash’s team and a bunch of episodes, but i do acknowledge that it also has a ton of issues like the pacing and that league and even though the rivals (burgendy specifically) were fun and had good writing a lot of them are spread pretty thin just bc there are so many of them. iris is also the best character in not just this arc but one of the best in the show dont @ me.

sm is one of if not the best ones because of how well it actually incorporates the actual pokemon, how it manages to give both engaging and fun episodes but also serious episodes with mature (actual mature btw not edgy fandom mature) storylines that doesnt talk down to its audience, while having some very well choreographed battles, and also having a very good subtle message about ash being at his best when hes cared for and relaxed. its really fitting how this was the series where he won the league honestly.

#i have some things to say idk how coherent this is lol #mail #d-stabilize

[terribluh]

i wrote this for me

ive got this zadr au in my head ill never do anything with and its not particularly special bc every iz fan comes to this inevitable zadr au lmao

this got very long and probably ooc lmao rip dont worry u dont have to read it in fact please dont read this i did not format this at all and i did not proofread 

basically dib and zim are dating and dibs home situation has deteriorated, and in light of irkens managing to escape the florpus hole, they kinda go, “lets be young and free and run away together” and so they go to space!!! i feel like these self serving jackasses probably wouldn’t join the resisty straight up?? theyre too dumb for that, like yea dib has a hero complex and zim would probably love to be incharge of people but alas, dibs actually an asshole and zim probably wont hurry to align himself with irken enemies despite kind of being one himself.

so they float through space. things r kinda bad kinda good, but theyre surviving. the irken armada isnt exactly after them, but i imagine they probably have a run in with irkens who just start trying to kill zim and realize avoiding irkens is something they should do. the idea that zim terrifies the tallest is hilarious bc then they operate on a, ill avoid u if u avoid me basis and thats such a concept bc im thinking dib and zim become space pirates. will be honest, got a lot of inspiration from ravagers in gotg bc thats an aesthetic and i was way into kragdu at some point in my life. also im a slut for space operas.

they r in space, kinda keeping to themselves and stealing things. they become space cryptids. i love the idea that they become space cryptids lmao. zim is just such a small irken and dib is this tall gangly human and no one knows what the fuck a human is. lots of humans are fucking weird to other aliens stuff. also i love the idea of them in a fight with space bounty hunters or something, and dib gets shot and just keeps going. this strange lanky figure in a dark coat with blood spilling from his injured shoulder just not going down. and zim as an irken is functionally immortal anyway so theyre like an unstoppable team. i love battle couples! 

i like the dynamic they could of had in canon, someone made a post once, where zim wouldve been the one to fight and dib wouldve been mission control, but i think in this au, it would be the other way around? or more equal idk. zim has to learn to do the talking bc dib dont speak alien, and dib has to protect zim a lot. and then over time they just pick up each others slack lol. i just like the idea of dib being kinda intimidating looking, which when paired with zims shit eating grin is such a combo. 

theres probably a scene where an alien is like ooh scary bounty hunter that even the fucking irken armada avoids and is scared shitless but its just dib. and dib, never having seen this kind of alien before, starts asking a million questions and is just kinda offputting/adorable lmao and then zim has to drag him out. 

anyway things keep like this, they hash out a living on stealing and trading. their number 1 priority is avoiding the massive and any irkens out there. maybe dib misses earth. maybe zim misses… something. the ship they have is kind of scrap and very much homebrewed, all stolen parts and mishmashed pieces and it was originally zims voot lmao, but zim is a genius and dib is a membrane and it still works. zims house computer is in the ship now and minimoose lives in the vents.

and then theres gir. i love gir but also i feel like theres a lot of untapped gir related angst like, gir is essentially scrap??? shit breaks 

they shut him down a lot for his own good bc he malfunctions sometimes and its awful bc zim loves gir. 

and then one day, zim and dib making a run for it, dib scooping zim up and hoofing it with the alien in his arms shooting over his shoulder and yelling at dib at the same time. and someone or something hits gir hard enough he shuts down, eyes dimming into black and collapsing mid giggle and zim loses it, destroying the attacker while dib grabs for gir and checks his internals and has no idea how to fix him because nothing seems wrong. 

and this is something like the breaking point. things were ok, but now things arent. maybe zims pak is broken, has never worked properly, is dying, and they get by with scraps and parts but its very borderline. and the ships basically scrap and supplies are always tight but they make do. 

but then gir shuts down, and suddenly they cant keep living on scraps and avoiding the armada. bc they need to fix gir no matter what  

maybe theyre like theres no parts enough to fix him oh no, but look theyre right around the corner from the massive and it just so happens the resisty are attacking so zim and dib are like. “were really doing this arent we” and the computers like sigh ok 

they really intend to grab a random sir unit and cannibalize it for gir and jet but zim cant keep his mouth shut and suddenly theyre arguing, fighting their way through some irkens that are really just doing their jobs and had the misfortune of running into zim and dib making their escape and its really strangely easy. zims kind of an op destructive force and dibs so used to fighting zim at this point these irkens are like ants and theyve been in space for like a decade at this point, and theyre always in danger anyway, and its easy to get into the swing of it. shoot shoot stab kick yell at zim blast an irken. 

and next thing they know theyve busted through the door to the bridge where a showdown is happening between the tallest and the resisty leader and everyone deer in the head lights. 

both parties yell “ZIM????” like the beyonce meme and zim instinctively goes “yes it is i ZIIIIM” and dib facepalms behind him the tallest are like panicking and the irkens milling around start gunning for zim and the resisty in equal amounts and theyre severely outnumbered and zim and dib start fighting for their lives foreal this time 

and zim yells, “computer! bring the ship around!!!” and dib is like “zim if i die like this-”, “you won’t zim guarantees it.” and its kind of romantic but theres plasma beams everywhere and a deactivated sir unit in zims arms and theyre both hurt but thats what its like, thats what its always like for them and honestly they wouldnt change it for anything. 

maybe dib gets zim to go on ahead and escape without him with the sir unit, or zim goes on ahead himself all i have a plan. and dib is mistaken for a resisty agent bc he obviously isn’t irken and unwittingly teams up with then and then all hope seems lost and dibs like “we’re screwed- “

and gir blast through the glass of the ships bridge all, “Maaaryyy i missed you!!!!”

“gir youre ok!”

and then gir barrels into dibs arms, dib jolting back from the impact with an oof 

“i died but im ok now!” gir screams as he cuddles into dibs neck  

and its v cute but dib is kinda preoccupied with not dying and hes just like “thank fucking god get us out of here” and girs eyes flash red and he salutes “yes sir!” and jets off by grabbing onto dibs back with his tiny hands and thats when the ship pulls up. zim is in the drivers seat and everyone fucking sees him because hes screaming, why is he screaming? hes zim, of course hes screaming. they get away all well and good but lmao their interference was enough that the resisty was able to escape with far less casualties than they wouldve had. 

bc they were losing, real bad lmao zim and dib saved them but they dont even care because that wasnt what they were going for but to the resisty theyre heroes and to the irken armada theyve declared war. and dib and zim are just like “our actions will not have any negative reprecussions no siree.” bc theyre idiots!! 

their actions have negative reprecussions. 

and then they join the resisty. 

and at some point dib goes home and reconciles with his family and gaz kicks his ass 

anyway i just love the idea that zim and dib dont do nothing on purpose but every damn thing they do affects something big. like some kinda cosmic karma, i amn jus standing herr kinda thing lmao a lot of coincidences and pure luck shenanigans. 

an overarching theme of “everything in zim and dibs lives suck except for how much they love each other” 

#mine #its late but i saw a fanart and was like damn i love that #this is the fanfic that plays out in my head sometimes before i fall asleep #gir and zim family relationship rights #iz #zadr #i probably wont ever write it bc theres tons of plot holes and characterization issues i dont like #but i still really like certain elements lmao

[g0dtier]

Finally got around to watching Good Omens

Its really good, there were only a few things i didnt like. It was heartwarming and fucking hilarious. The dialogue was great and funny as fuck, aziraphale and crowley were adorable together. The old witch hunter and the fake medium cracked me up and the armageddon fuck scene was just. The best. Absolutely lost my shit watching it.

Casting was mostly on point too. Didnt care much for the kids aside from adam but i think thats mostly cause they didnt get that much screentime. Gabriel scared the shit out of me. Beelzebub was hilarious as was that other asshole demon. Hastur i think? That one scene where michael pours the holy water actually is just a really really beautiful shot.

The only things i didnt like were the horsemen being basically just. Jack shit. We hardly saw em and while their entrances were so fucking cool they didnt actually do anything and felt like filler at the end. Im really not a fan of the whole "kids drag a monster till it just dies" thing tbh.

Theres a lot of things about the horsemen that i really appreciate in theory but the execution fell flat. I love the idea of them being just ideas or nightmares and the kids getting past humanities failings/fears but it was all so basic in execution. Same at It chapter 2 imo. Like it seemed like every kid had some kind of demon/bad thing to overcome but none of that was shown at all. War's dialogue towards pepper was horridly cliché and simple, but i did love pepper's "i believe in peace, bitch" line. Problem for me was that the peace line had NOTHING to do with War's entire "go be a little girl and play with your dollies" thing.

Same with pollution. Plenty of people want and believe in a clean earth so if saying "i want a clean earth actually" is enough to take pollution down why the fuck did they even still exist at that point? And same goes for famine. I did think its hilarious that pestilence was gone, but i do think it may have been even funnier if pestilence had been there and was like. An anti vaxxer ldhahfjsjfs

Also satan was boring. Really loved the mystery of God and then daddy lucifer shows up and hes literally just the most milquetoast cgi version of satan there is. Big red boi with horns. After the whole spiel he did to crowley about how amazing his m25 thing was i really expected something different. Giving him a human form wouldve been scarier, like gabriel was 100x more terrifying than satan. Also the whole "youre not my REAL dad" was hilarious but wouldve actually left an impact if Adams dad actually... Had something to do in the story.

I think my problem is that the heartwarming moments were a valid try but because the series had just been funny as shit up to that point and wasnt concerned with building up those moments, those moments didnt have anything to stand on and just ended up in a limbo between "probably mean to be heartwarming, but also kinda funny, but not enough of either so its just awkward"

I love the light heartedness of the story but i feel like, bc of that, the more serious parts at the end didnt translate well at all.

[holylulusworld]

The morning after - Part 1

Summary: Reader wakes up next to the Winchesters…naked. Like always - after the fun there will be consequences.

Pairing: Dean x Reader x Sam, Castiel

Warnings: language, implied smut, smut (flashbacks), unplanned pregnancy (wrap it kiddos!), angst, sad reader, jealous reader (a bit)

The morning after Masterlist

Waking up your head feels like it got hit with a baseball bat. Your mouth tastes like whiskey mixed with the taste of someone else’s tongue.

Flinching you realize you’re completely naked and your whole body feels exhausted.

Turning around you see someone lying next to you…naked. God what did you do last night?

Trying to figure out who lies next to you, you tilt your head. Oh god…Sam…Sam is laying next to you…a naked Sam.

Ashamed you turn around only to see Dean on the other side of the bed…naked too.

Fucking shit what did you do last night? According to your soreness and exhaustion you assume you had sex … with both men.

Hiding your face in the palms of your hands you try to calm down. Your mind is racing and your head is spinning. God how did you end up in bed with your hunting partners?

The hunt…whiskey…a lot of whiskey. Trying to focus what happened last night you close your eyes.

You drank with the boys and then you played... oh fuck Dean suggested strip poker. You remember Dean won; of course he won that little fucker.

You were left in your underwear. You remember kissing Sam to at least keep your panties…

You remember Dean kissing down your spine…then…nothing…blank…

Fuck what did you do? Groaning you take a deep breathe … Maybe you didn’t fuck them?

But the sticky feeling between your thighs tells another story…oh god you didn’t use protection? Shit, shit…you’re on birth control…but shit!

Wait did you take your pill yesterday? Oh god, did you?

Whining you try to remember but all you can remember is Sam eating you out…fuck he was good at it! Focus, Y/N, goddamn focus!

But the next thing you remember is Dean switching places with Sam and shit his cock … fuck … so deep inside of you. Groaning he fucked you into the mattress.

Focus…did you take your pill? But your mind is busy showing you Dean and you moving in sync while Sam is watching and shit you came so hard and then…no, no…then you fucked Sam too. Awesome!

He was even bigger and rough…shit Sammy was rough. You never thought he would … fucking shit focus! Did you take your pill?

Whining you try to remember anything useful, but all you can see is Sam and Dean fucking you in the best way possible.

“God what did I do? Fuck!” You mutter.

“Correct Sweetheart!” Dean chuckles.

“Dude! Not so loud!” Sam groans.

“What did we do?” You whisper.

“We had fun last night.” Dean answers.

“Dean we crossed a line!” You mutter.

“Sorry but you were so hot and half naked…” Sam groans kissing your shoulder.

“I think I need a shower.”

“All three of us.” Dean chuckles wiggling his eyebrow.

“Not a chance, I can’t remember much but I’m beyond sore.” You scold.

“What a pity. Maybe we should make you remember?” Dean groans before kissing you roughly.

“Did one of you use protection?” You ask.

“Shit…not.” Sam stammers. “Dean?”

“Fuck…no…we were too busy…shit. Birth control?”

“I’m on pill but I can’t remember if I took it yesterday.”

“Wait you swallowed a pill before we drank whiskey.” Sam says and you sigh relieved.

“Thank Chuck!”

“So shower all three of us?” Dean insists.

“Dean I’m sore and maybe we shouldn’t do this again…” You whisper.

“But you had fun too.” Sam whines.

“I barely remember the fun! I was beyond drunk…”

“You said you want us … both.” Dean insists.

“I can’t remember.” You lie.

Jumping out of the bed you almost run into the shower.

“Do you think she regrets last night?” Sam asks sad.

“No, she lied. Can see through he façade. She’s a bit ashamed I guess.”

2 weeks later

Watching the boys flirting with another chick you feel anger boiling up your stomach. They fucked you and told you you’re something special and now they… well after the fight the morning after you guess Sam and Dean aren’t interested any longer.

Sighing you watch them until…oh god…Why is your stomach rumbling? …shit… Running into the restrooms you say goodbye to your dinner. What’s wrong with you?

Since over a week you feel exhausted, your stomach rumbles and…oh no…god, please no.

Leaving the bar you storm toward your car. There was a drugstore nearby the motel.

After buying a pregnancy test you drove back to the motel. Starring at the positive test in your hand you start crying. Sitting on the bathroom floor you don’t know what to do.

“No, no.” You sob.

“Hey, what’s up Y/N?” Sam asks concerned. You didn’t realize they came back too.

Sobbing you show him the positive pregnancy test.

“You’re pregnant?”

Nodding you start crying. “Don’t cry, maybe it’s wrong.” Sam tries to sooth you.

“Hey, whoa what did you do Sammy?” Dean grunts.

“She’s pregnant.”

“Baby, don’t cry. Does the father know?” Sam asks.

“What? I don’t know who the father is!” You yell.

“So many guys?” Sam asks again.

“No! Only you two in the last two years. I didn’t have sex with someone else! How can you think … I’m not a whore!” You sob.

“I thought you’re on birth control.” Sam says.

“I am and you said I took my pill.”

“You see…I’m not sure.” He stammers now and Dean eyes widen.

“But you said you saw me taking my pill! If I would’ve known I could’ve taking plan B!” You yell at Sam.

“I’m sorry. Didn’t want to kill the mood, so I lied.” Sam admits.

“Great! Now I’m pregnant and got no clue who knocked me up!” You grunt. Starting to cry again you can’t stop the tears from falling down. Honestly you always wanted a baby, but not like that.

“Hey, we’re going to fix this.” Dean tries to sooth you.

“Fix? A baby ain’t a car!” You grunt.

“Do you want to keep it?” Sam asks softly.

“I don’t know…” Sniffing you wipe away the tears. You already made your decision seeing the two blue stripes.

“You want to keep it - right?” Dean says smiling.

Humming you look at the test again. “Don’t worry I’ll leave the bunker. Still got my old hut.” You whisper.

“You won’t leave pregnant with my baby.” Sam orders.

“Minutes ago you thought I fucked so many guys that I don’t know who the father is.” You snap at him.

“Hey Sammy didn’t mean it that way. Let’s bring you home. Castiel can check the baby and we make an appointment for an ultrasound.” Dean whispers. Picking you up he carefully places you on the bed.

“I should leave. You two don’t want a baby with a one night stand.” You whisper.

“How dare you calling the mother of our child a one night stand!” Sam scolds.

“But that’s the truth. You were head over heels for the chick at the bar. I was just an easy lay for one night, nothing more.”

“We weren’t head over heels. She was a vamp. Killed her outside the bar.” Dean explains.

“Oh…” Casting your look down you play nervously with your fingers.

“Let’s drive back to the bunker and Cas checks on you. Tomorrow we’ll make an appointment for you to see a doctor.” Sam says softly.

“Okay…”

Smiling Sam picks you up to carry you toward the Impala. “I can walk Sam.” You scold.

“No, you didn’t feel well.” Placing you into the backseat Sam sits next to you.

“Lay in my lap, I’ll stroke your back. I read that this can help a pregnant woman relax.”

“You read an article about pregnant women?” You ask giggling.

“Always be prepared.” Sam states.

“Not always…”

“Sorry, this is all Dean’s and my fault. We were too hot and bothered … too eager to finally be with you to think straight.”

“I decided to drink so much and if I remember right I kissed you first…well to keep my panties.”

“But in the end you lost your panties too.” Dean says chuckling.

“Not funny Dean.”

“Come one Y/N it was funny. Now I’ll drive us back and then we make you feel comfortable. But first Cas will check on you.” Starting the engine Dean looks in the rear view mirror at you smiling.

“We don’t know who the father is.” You whisper.

“Doesn’t matter. We are the father, both of us. So don’t worry, we’ll take care of you and our baby.” Dean states not excepting any argument.

Back at the bunker Dean drags Cas out of his room to check on you.

“Cas please check on Y/N she’s pregnant from one of us.” Dean pleas.

Smiling Castiel touches your belly. Closing his eyes his features darken.

“We’ve got a problem. There are two babies. Y/N is pregnant with a new vessel for Michael…” At this words Dean starts smiling and Sam sighs disappointed.

“…and a new vessel for Lucifer.” Castiel ends his sentence concerned.

Sam looks at your stunned form, hugging you tight he can’t stop smiling. You’re going to have his baby and well Dean’s, but you’re going to have a baby with him.

“Oh god…two babies?” You whisper scared.

“Shhh…we’re going to make this work.” Dean tries to sooth you. Gently stroking your back he locks eyes with Sam. Nodding Sam let go of you so Dean can hold you tight.

“How can Y/N be pregnant from both of you?” Castiel asks confused.

“Well…we…had sex together.” Sam blurs out.

“Oh…I see.” Turning crimson Cas casts his look down. “We need to keep her safe. Not just the demons will be after her, the angels too.”

“She’s our girl, the mother of our children. We’ll make sure she’s safe.” Dean states holding you even tighter.

“We kill everyone who tries to come close to her.” Sam adds. Kissing the crown of your head he smiles again.

“Wouldn’t it be better if I just leave…”

“No.” Dean says tighten his embrace.

“But we only had sex as we were drunk!” You insist.

“I wasn’t drunk and Sammy only had half a whiskey. We just…we know we shouldn’t have taken advantage of your drunken state but we always wanted you.” Dean rasps.

“Oh…you wanted me?”

“Always…we just agreed you’re off limits, but when you kissed Sammy and then me we couldn’t resist any longer.”

“Do you want to do it again?” You ask biting your lip.

“God, yes.” Sam groans behind you.

“Then we should do it sober this time as I want to remember every detail...”

Forever Tags

@donnaintx, @screechingartisancashbailiff, @fallen-wolf22 , @curly-haired-disaster, @sister-winchesters99​, @mogaruke, @the-is13, @helloitsmeamie203, @strayrosesbloom , @thewinchesterco , @hobby27, @kittycatlover18

#SPN #spn fanfic #winchesters one shots #sam winchester #dean winchester #dean x reader #sam x reader #dean x reader x sam #sam x reader x dean #implied smut #smut #pregnant reader #castiel #unplanned pregnany #fluff #angst #the morning after masterlist

[gothic-chicanery]

The Diary of Dr. Elena Rosewood

Horror one off story. I’m putting it under a cut

TW for blood, death, and disease

12/14/37

Sent to quarantine, and am currently kicking myself. I tested positive for the disease and the police didn’t listen to my explanations. Now I am without my lab and test instruments, and the data gathered will be strictly qualitative. Damnit.

Of course, this may be a blessing in disguise, as the effects of the vaccine will be able to be seen firsthand, and I’ll have to worry less about my own credibility. Though as a medical doctor who has spent years studying this disease, credibility was never too much of a worry.

I just hope someone takes care of my cats.

No symptoms so far, though that is expected. The incubation period is usually about a week, but this may be altered by the fact that this is a weaker strain that will be easy for my body to fight off. Maybe I will not have any symptoms at all. One can only hope I suppose.

12/16/37

A man leaned into me while I took my daily exercise yesterday, so close that his nose almost touched mine. Dark red sclera showed he was in the later stages of the disease. “We all have it in here,” he growled. “We are all infected.” His breath smelled awful, a mix of metallic and rot, as if someone had shot a deer in a penny factory.

“Yes,” I said slowly. “That is essentially the point of a quarantine.”

I’ve decided to keep mostly to myself from now on.

This story has very little to do with the scientific side of my work, but it is an anecdote that I think would provide quite the cinematic moment when there is a biopic made about me. I mean, the person who discovered a vaccine against the blood plague (though I always hated the sensational nature of that name) will surely get some sort of film recognition.

When I get out, of course, I’ll remove this section. But I believe it is best to be honest to yourself. The rest of the world can get the cool, collected scientist.

Asymptomatic probably still. I thought my sclera looked a little redder, but that may be more easily attributed to confirmation bias or the quality of the mirrors here. It’s a wonder I can see my reflection at all through the graffiti. Wishing I was home. Accurate testing equipment wherefore art thou? My ex, I’m sure, would correct me. Wherefore apparently means why even though it has a where in it. This, ladies and gentlemen, is why you never should date English majors. And they say scientists have sticks up their ass.

12/20/37

Definite redness now. I guess it was too much of a long shot that I wouldn’t end up with anything happening. I can’t decide which looks better, a miraculous recovery, or to never get sick at all. I think this. Looks like I’ve suffered more.

Though of course, this isn’t about me. It’s about all the people that I will be keeping safe from the disease.

12/25/37

Well. Merry Christmas to me. I’m Rudolph the Red-Eyed Fucking Reindeer. Disease taking hold. I think it’ll get worse before it gets better, damn it. It’ll definitely get better though. I’m confident in my own intelligence, if nothing else. I had hoped to be out of here before Christmas, but I guess that’s too much to ask for.

I’ve started tasting blood.  Every meal seems tainted metallic, though that might actually improve the shit they have us eating. It’s all frozen and half rotten, bottom of the barrel kind of stuff. I guess that makes sense, why waste the good food on those of us that are going to die anyway? I mean, I won’t. But for the rest of them, why bother. There is no cure for the blood plague. Even I’ve only managed to come up with a vaccine.

1/3/38

I lost my journal. No, more accurately, it was stolen by the motherfucker from before. More accurately, he stole it, bled on the pages, and then threw it outside the fence. I have no clue why. He’s bad, blood streaming from his eyes and lips. I could barely make out what he was trying to say, every time he tried to speak, blood dribbled out. Not that I cared what he had to say. I’d imagine he only had days left.

My own condition isn’t getting better, though it hasn’t gotten noticeably worse. Small amounts of blood in my mouth, my spit has been slightly tinged pink for the last few days. I calculated the turnaround though. It should be any day now. Any day…

I debated whether or not to write down how I’m writing this, as my journal is no longer here, and decided why not. It’s blood on my wall. I know what you’re thinking, that i’ve likely gone insane, that the blood plague is taking hold. It’s not, I can promise you that. When you look at it, it’s perfect logical.

My top priority is information. I have to record these events so that the process of my vaccine can be documented and studied. As a scientist, I know the most essential thing is data. I need to be able to provide that. I’ve just been forced to use alternative methods.

He would’ve died anyway. There is no cure for the blood plague, and he barely had days left. Something that saves lives is more important than the death of one man, I know it seems macabre but he would’ve died in days. Is it really even a murder when you’re both on death row?

He is.

Was.

I’m not. I’m going to live.

It wasn’t hard, really, to kill him. He wasn’t strong, and it was quite easy to split his head open. The blood just mingled with what was already on the floor and walls, have I mentioned this place has gotten disgusting with all the blood. Dragged him to my room, dipped my finger in, and began writing.

I don’t want this to sound horrific. It’s not. I distanced myself from things, made the matter merely academic. When dissecting something, you don’t contemplate the pathos, you just analyze. That is merely what I’m doing. He would’ve died soon anyway.

1/11/38

The body stinks to high heaven and I can barely get enough blood to write with without a few maggots or flies crawling over my fingers. I need to remain objective but they are truly disgusting.

Blessing in disguise, perhaps, my own eyes have begun dripping. My mouth too, though that’s diluted. I can keep writing. I will document this. I will wait for my body to fight off the vaccine, for immunity to kick in. I will be the one to figure it out I will be known I will be a savior

Just a little longer

#horror #writeblr #my writing