Bruce: I DO know how to use a Spinny Jenny.
Jason: You fuckinâ what
Bruce: You seriously don't know how to use a cassette player? You young people are so clueless!
Jason: Why the fuck would I learn how to use an outdated piece of technology? You don't see Alfred getting up your ass about not knowing how to use a spinny jenny
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I headcanon Damian Wayne as a Tulpa. Basically that Taliaâs supposed miscarriage was real and because of her grief, and the league of assassinsâ need for an heir to the Demonâs head, Damian was manifested into existence.
Which is why at a certain point he changes as it clicks that he is sentient enough to forge his own path as who he wants himself to be instead of existing as who the league wanted him to be.
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Dick: Well, guys, Bâs dead for what must be the hundredth time. What do you propose we do with the body?
Cass: Burn the body, no return. Dibs on the cowl.
Jason: I think we should have B turned into cremation diamonds.
Tim: Thatâs a surprisingly nice sentiment from you, Jay.
Barbara: With Bâs body mass we could make enough to have one each, so we can always carry him with us
Jason: ⌠I was thinking more along the lines of his expensive ass finally seeing the inside of a thrift shop.
Damian: YOU CANNOT DISGRACE FATHERâS LEGACY LIKE THIS!!!
Stephanie, completely ignoring Damian: Nah, we should sell them to the highest bidder so he can stay a contributor to capitalism to the bitter end.
Duke: đŹ I am⌠only just now realising you guys are kind of⌠terrible human beings, like, you havenât even asked B about it.
Bruce, whoâs already revived and doesnât want to know what he just walk in on: No to all of that.
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Damian: I love portrait entities đ
Dick: ? đ¤¨
Damian: Oh đ
Damian: You said âcorporateâ entities đ
Dick: âŚ
Dick: Could you elaborate on what a âPortrait entityâ is??????
Damian: ⌠No⌠*places phone at ear and whispers* Raven, if Grayson asks about the painting demons, play dumb.
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Bruce: The spirit level in this house is really bad
Lil Jason: *Le Gasp* We have ghosts???
Bruce: âŚ
Bruce: <Donât bully a child, donât bully a child, donât bully a child> yEs, YoUâRe aBsoLutElY rIghT
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Five: We stopped an apocalypse only to spawn another, what now? Any bright ideas?
Klaus Hargreeves: Live, laugh, love?
Literally everyone but mainly Five: In this economy?
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Jason, minding his own business: *Reading*
Tim, on his 14th coffee of the day: Social interaction feels like public humiliation
Jason: Very poetic, but you need to shut yo over caffeinated emo head ass the fuck up before you get smacked the fuck up. Iâm reading âere
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dont call me out đđ
liking kisshu as a kid is a gateway drug that ends with you being a scaramoche simp
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Putting the Goth in Gotham, Duh đ
I love that everyone in batman is just like âour sweet prince of gotham <3â and itâs an antisocial thirty year old still stuck in his emo phase
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Iâve been told if I start a Redbubble I have a duty to my batfam followers but like, I donât- I donât have a loyal bone in my body so youâll get bad bee memes and youâll like it
yâall only ever want Tim anyway so eff yâall
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â¨Bonus Bonusâ¨
Jason watching his dipstick brothers making up things to fight about because theyâve exhausted all reasonable excuses:
Tim whenever Damian says anything: With all due respect, which is none, I think you should stop talking.
Bonus
Damian whenever Tim-:
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ââââ âââââââââ
B A T M A N - D Y I N G
Damian: Thereâs only one thing worse than Batman dying. *Reveals missing words*
D I C K - G R A Y S O Nâ S
B A T M A N - D Y I N G
Jason: Plural Dick Grayson! đ
Damian: NO! Dick Graysonâs Batman dying! Grayson needs protection and only we can offer it.
Bruce realising that Damian just admitted that Dick is more important to him: đĽ˛
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Bruce: Calm down, Damian.
Damian: Calm down? Donât tell me to calm down! I think Iâm being plenty calm when youâre out here stabbing me in the back!!!
Bruce: âŚDamian, all I did was take Titus out for his morning walk because I thought youâd be tired from last nights patrol, I think youâre overreacting.
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Tim whenever Damian says anything: With all due respect, which is none, I think you should stop talking.
Bonus
Damian whenever Tim-:
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Petition to give dog-boy (Gorou) Ms. Hina as an alternate skin
I just feel like it would be funny
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A classmate Damian has a project with: I think I just heard a scream from your basement, dude.
Damian, an intellectual (has no idea what excuse heâs meant to use in these situations): We donât have a basement.
Classmate: Then where did that come from?
Damian: â¨đĄâ¨Havenât you seen any news articles about the manor? The house is haunted, itâs common knowledge. *Thinks heâs lying, but it actually is believed to be haunted*
Damian finds out later that this is a rumour that has been spread on impulse by every member of the Batfamâ˘ď¸ upon having to explain something weird about the manor to an outsider. This tradition was started by Bruce when he was a child and use to steal food off peoples plates at Wayne Manor hosted parties when they werenât paying attention then playing dumb and acting like his stuff keeps disappearing and ending up in weird places that a kid shouldnât be able to get to, as well as crying loudly when no one is looking and saying shit like, âThey keep pushing meâ even though there isnât anyone anywhere near him.
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