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#batclan

Dick: the entire thing is one long sentence but it’s grammatically correct so Bruce can’t say anything

Jason: waits until the morning paper comes and crosses out the inaccurate parts 

Tim: writes “lmao” after every horrific incident

Damian: 50-page dissertation on a bike thief

Duke: 3–5 pages double spaced Times New Roman size 12 font in MLA format

Cullen: he’s not a vigilante but he doesn’t wanna feel left out so he gets Bruce to beta-read his 200k Destiel fix-it fanfic

Stephanie: yellow text on white paper—as soon as it leaves the printer it’s Bruce’s problem

Cassandra: turns crime scene photos into greeting cards

Barbara: writes it correctly, but her file sizes are too big so each email contains six separate attachments

Harper: list of numbers with zero context

Carrie: a drawing of the Riddler on a unicycle

684 notes
Text

Dick ,Duke ,and Tim were watching tv. Damian was pretending to watch but was really drawing. Jason was walking back from the kitchen to get snacks.

5 year old y/n batsis :*runs up to Jason then kicks him in the balls*

Jason :what the fuck y/n why did you do that kid

Y/n:*a confused look on her face * “damian told me to kick you or Tim there when I am bored ”

Damian “snickered*

Duke:*gets up from the couch and walks up to y/n* n/n you don’t do that that hurts people

Y/n:*getting more confused*but you guys hurt people and damian told me it was ok

Tim: why did you did you tell her that

Damian: "simple i don’t like todd or you drake and it is true we hurt bad people all the time.”

Dick: “ok I get you don’t like them but why tell y/n to do it when she is bored ”

Damian:*walks up y/n and picks her up*‘y/n are you still bored “

Y/n: *confused* no I am not bored so what is so wrong

Jason: *slightly recovered *” y/n get off o f him please"

Y/n:“pouts*no because damian is nice and the only one that is not confusing me”

Jason “damian let go of y/n for me to kill you

Damian *pouts in a moking way*” sorry but I promised y/n to teach her how to draw"

Jason “y/n sweety want to go get donuts ”

Y/n*shakes her head while bonceing up and down in damian’s arms almost falling but he caught her *no I want to draw let go dami"

Damian: “ok kets go”*leaves to up stairs *

Ten years later

Y/n: *walks up to Jason kicks him in the balls*

Jason: why the fuck did you do that

Y/n: I wanted to because I was bored * walks away to draw with damian*

88 notes

I believe this is what you’re looking for:

Keep On Dreaming, Some Come True by Queerbutstillhere

When Jonathan Samuel Kent finds himself in a situation of being a very poor college student, he ends up stumbling himself into another situation.

He finds himself being an escort to one Billionaire Heir Damian Wayne.

Yup, he’s getting paid to fake date Damian Wayne.

This can’t go wrong at all, right?

94 notes

Let Cass and Alfred be something other than perfect badasses

It seems to me that people want to see them as these faultless figures among a Disaster Bat™ family but honestly… I’m getting tired. You can only spend so long looking at perfect people before it gets boring

Yes, they’re hardened warriors and seasoned former spies, but they’re also human, and all humans have flaws, failures, nuances, losses, and breaking points. Don’t get me wrong, I love these characters, but I’d love them more if they weren’t placed on a pedestal

171 notes
Conversation
Damian
My Kryptonian has to be of the highest standard.
Jon
*trips over his own feet, bumps into a lamp post, and apologizes to it*
Damian
I want that one.
896 notes

  • Fridays are Froot Loops Fridays, where, at any moment, Lian decides they’re having Froot Loops
  • They’re the family that grabs pancakes at midnight
  • Inspired by Damian, Lian hid a chinchilla in her bedroom for three weeks before Jason found out
  • Roy bought matching Pokémon onesies
  • Jason bought a second phone because he filled the first one’s storage with family pictures
  • Lian loves the aquarium, but as she gets older she learns about the conditions the animals face and decides to become a marine biologist and animal advocate
  • The batfam can tell when Jason’s been out with the Harpers because he won’t shut the hell up
  • Lian loves Takis. Roy can’t handle the spice
  • Jason and Roy get Lian one of those kiddie phones with like four buttons because they don’t want her having a real one too young
  • They leech off Dick’s Netflix and he called to complain about all the Doc McStuffins episodes in his recommendations
  • For Christmas, Roy jokingly put an Elf on the Shelf in Lian’s room. The next night, it appeared in Jason and Roy’s room with an actual camera taped to its head
  • They went to a showing of The Chronicles of Narnia in cosplay. Roy was the lion and Jason was the witch because Lian wanted to be the wardrobe so badly
  • One time Jason had to sub in for Roy at Lian’s parent-teacher conference. When the teacher asked who he was, Jason panicked and said “Lian’s other dad”. This was before he and Roy got together
  • Jason and Roy don’t give piggybacks so much as they walk around with Lian clung to the back of their shirts like a koala. Sometimes they don’t even notice her
  • Even though death was the single most terrifying experience for Jason, when Lian asks about it he tells her it’s nothing to be afraid of
  • Lian’s the kid who owns a ton of pink Barbie dolls and pretends they’re her personal army in taking over the world
293 notes
Conversation
Jason
Please don't tell Bruce.
Dick
Oh, I'm not going to say a word.
Jason
You're doing to make me tell him, aren't you?
Dick
Loud and clear. And every nitty gritty detail.
774 notes
Conversation
Alfred
Nice things to whisper when hugging someone?
Dick
You smell different when you're awake.
Duke
Please help me.
Tim
Soon.
Jason
You have lovely skin, I can't wait to wear it.
Stephanie
Your hair tastes like strawberries.
Cullen
Tonight... you.
Bruce
He knows. Don't go home.
Barbara
I always knew you would die in my arms.
Kate
No one will ever believe you.
Cassandra
Yessssssssssss.
Harper
I killed Mufasa.
Carrie
I bet you didn't feel me lick your ear.
Damian
Mother told me it would be like this.
Alfred
Oh Christ.
841 notes
Text

Alfred and Dick are not allowed to disagree on things. It’s a ‘house rule’.

It’s bad enough when they’re a sarcastic/bitchy Team. But if they’re on opposite sides?

It happened once and has been forbidden ever since.

Most of the Batclan have managed to block out the memory, Jason’s just pissed he missed it.

41 notes
<div> —  Dick’s opinion on criminals </div><span>I hate criminals. They’re rough, coarse, irrating, and they are everywhere.</span>
13 notes
Conversation
Bruce, introducing Damian to the Justice League
Everybody, this is Damian. Damian, this is everybody.
Hal
I can't believe one of us actually has one of these.
Barry
I know. I still am one of these!
747 notes

lol um go follow my ig dc spam @/jasontoddgf cause i want to make friends and stuff and we can cry about how much we miss the batfam and we can bully bruce :P

image
42 notes
Conversation
Cassandra
I would be That Person who throws a rock into the deep, dark, spooky water with bad vibes that everyone says not to disturb, and yeah obviously I'd die for it but at least I'd die doing what I loved: throwing rocks and causing problems on purpose.
513 notes
<div> —  All of the robins trying tot go at the same time when Batman suits ups </div><span>Its going to be MEEEEEEE!</span>
4 notes