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Chapter Two

HOW IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN

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“Uncle Remus - is that you?” said a soft voice. In front of him was a boy no older than six. He had shaggy jet black hair and the most beautiful green eyes. Remus didn't know what to do, he hadn't planned on meeting him today, let alone ever. He didn't even know how he could have still remembered him.

Before he could speak, however, another crooked voice came from the supermarket. Out came an old bat, he would say. Remus knew who she was, he had spent a few nights in the Evans household when his parents were arguing. “Harry!” She screamed, her voice dying once she noticed Remus, “Get inside! NOW!” She didn't say a word to Remus but ignored him like the parasite he was.

Remus had to fight the urge to run after that car and hug Harry and tell him how much he missed him but he couldn't. He had a very strong feeling that letting Harry into his life would just make it harder for him. It was for the best, he told himself on his way home.

…

Remus woke up with the most scrutinising headache in the world, he pushed that memory to the back of his mind and moved over to the other side of the bed to Grant. “Don’t try me.” He said, making Remus laugh. “Get out, take a shower and ill drop you at the station,” he said with a laugh.

As much as Grant and Remus had had they're falling out romantically, Remus was convinced that Grant was the person for him. He was the person he could cry to and the person he would love unconditionally without ever feeling obligated to.

Remus slumped out of bed and headed straight into the shower, after kissing Grant on the forehead. He took a long shower, much longer than expected but he reckoned he deserved it. He ran his fingers all over his body and thought about Hogwarts. It was the only place he had truly called home and now after 16 years, he would be back. He didn't even know any other way of getting there besides the train. It was at that moment he realized he probably shouldn't have been throwing away his letters. His letters from Professor McGonagall made the whole situation feel too read for his liking. He closed the water and wrapped a towel around his body. He so desperately didn’t want to get out of the shower but he knew it was time.

He would miss this small apartment, even though it had haunted memories, they were still some happy ones tucked away in the corners. After letting out a sigh he had been keeping for too long, he finally got dressed. Remus tried his best to look presentable but his hair was all over himself and he had developed some new scars, he hoped would go unnoticed.

Just when he was getting tired of seeing himself, he picked up his briefcase and headed out the door to the kitchen. Grant must have taken a shower in the guest bathroom because he was taking too long,

“Morning,” Remus said quietly.

“Morning again.” Grant chuckled. He had made a full breakfast, but Remus wasn't surprised. Grant acts of love always had something to do with giving. It was his way of showing how much he cared. “I put your other bags in the car if you were wondering.”

By the look on Grant's face, he seemed to be the one worrying more, “Thank you.” Remus said.

“And I packed you some instant coffee, in case they don't have some at the school.”

Remus could tell that something was off by the way Grant talked to him like a child. He wasn't worried about Hogwarts, he knew something else. “Grant…Look at me.” Grant's eyes finally met his, “What's wrong?”

He sighed before walking over to the counter. “While…While you were in the shower one of your hawks -”

“- Owls.” Remus corrected.

“Yes, well…One of your ‘owls’ came in and dropped you a few stuff. At first, when I looked at it it seemed normal. Your schedule, a list of stuff that you can find in the village…but.”

“But what?” Remus asked as he stood up. He could tell, it was bad, really bad.

“There was your newspaper as well…On that newspaper was a photo of Sirius.” he closed his mouth instantly after saying his name. They hadn't mentioned Sirius for so long, even though Remus thought about him all the time, it was as if he was dead. Remus’ heart sank all to his core.

“What happened to him?” he asked as his voice shook.

“He escaped.” Remus wasn't prepared to hear that he had escaped. No one had ever escaped Azkaban, how could Sirius…Oh no…It hit him, the only reason why Sirius would want to get out…It was Harry. If he didn't think he had a valid reason for going back to Hogwarts, he most certainly did now. He sat down thinking and could feel Grant's eyes on him, he didn't say anything, he didn't want to say anything and he certainly didn't need to say anything.

“Alright,” Remus said after what seemed like ages.

Grants blinked, surprised at his reaction, “Alright?”

“What else can I do.” He sounded defeated and Grants knew to drop the question. “But when I'm gone, be back by 8 pm or else you won't be protected, alright?”

“He can’t hurt me.” Grants smiled. Remus let out a forced laugh as well, Sirius tended to hurt or destroy things Remus loved, he prayed that Grant wouldn't be one of them.

They returned to breakfast and he watched Grant throw the paper in the fireplace, he told himself to be relieved, he had to let go and focus on what he already had. He should try to be happy for once. What's done is done.

…

The car ride to Kings Cross was quite delightful. It was true, you never really know what you’ve got until you don't anymore. He would miss the muggle world, it was easier to live even though some people thought of him as a rodent. No one knew him so he could be whoever he wanted.

Grant helped him with his cart up to platforms 9 and 10, Remus was grateful and gave him an unexpected hug that had a lot of eyes turning. He didn't care, he had gotten used to it by now, if he wasn't surrounded by possible students as well, he would most likely kiss him too.

“By the way…” Grants began, “You're going to be gone for long and I was wondering if I could be bringing over friends from time to time.”

“What friends?” Remus smiled.

“I don't know…Just people I meet and have lunch with.”

“A boyfriend?” he laughed.

“No of course not…Just…You never know what can happen in all that time.”

“Well I guess so, that place is mine as much as it is yours and I don't want to stop you from finding love if that's what you're referring to.”

“Thanks, mate.” He laughed before giving him another hug and heading back.

Remus sighed yet again and braced himself for the world he was about to enter. In and out, he breathed. He started taking steps forwards while saying the same words on repeat. In and out, in and out, in and out. Eventually, he said them faster and his feet moved faster. The next thing he knew he was running straight for a brick wall…but luckily he didn't hit it. Instead, he went straight through with his cart and welcomed himself to platform 9 ¾.

This place had once brought him so much joy, and to his surprise, it still had that effect on him. He was early by the looks of it. Not many students had started pilling up and that had given him the perfect chance to find a seat. A lovely house elf by the name of Fran took his cart and told him to get on board and head to the teacher's compartment. He rewarded the Elf with a Mars bar while she wasn't looking, in her coat and headed straight on the train.

He didn't want to sit with the rest of the teachers because he knew he would be bombarded with questions, so he quietly found a seat at the back of the train. No one would find him here and if they saw him they would most definitely turn away.

As soon as he sat down, he could feel his body giving out. He tried staying awake by watching the children come in and board the train. A few even stepped into his compartment but quickly turned away once they saw it was occupied. To avoid their faces he turned to the window and drifted off to sleep.

He had been asleep for a long time before he heard the rustling of other people, he decided to ignore them and turn away so that he did not disturb them. That was before he felt the emptiness and coldness fill his heart. He knew that feeling better than anyone. He felt it when his father called him a Monster, he felt it when he was only 5 years old and chained in their basement. He had forgotten the feeling when he went to Hogwarts but he soon remembered it when Sirius betrayed him and told snape he was a werewolf. The memories and agony overfilled him and he couldn't bear it any longer. He jolted up out of his sleep and came face with a compartment full of children.

The first person he saw was Harry, for a split second the idea that he had died and was now face to face with James ran past his mind. He concentrated and saw his lush green eyes and realised it wasn't so. Drifting his eyes away, he saw the compartment was more than full. Two ginger-haired children, one curly-haired and Neville Longbottom were sitting there as well. He had visited his grandmother a lot in the last years, she knew what it meant to not lose someone but have them not in your grasp. He coughed excusing himself, before lighting his hands with flames so that they could see in the dark.

“Stay where you are,” he said in a hoarse voice. He was going to go talk to the driver. Before he reached the compartment door, however, it slid open. The feeling of dread and sorrow filled his heart again. In came a dementor, he had never met one and he wasn't in the mood to as well. To make matters worse Harry had seemed to have died of shock. He fell to the ground and Remus had to step over him to look the dementor in the face and say, “None of us is hiding Sirius Black under our cloaks. Go!” The dementor didn't move so he pulled out his wand and thought about the first day he held Harry in his arms and without saying a word, his Patronus sprung out of his want and chased the dementors away.

It was a while before Harry woke up, he mentally prepared himself but when he eventually did, he didn't know what to say. “What was that?” asked a hazed Harry.

“It was a dementor, one of the guards of Azkaban. It was searching the train for Sirius Black but it's gone now.” Harry still didn't look convinced so Remus did the only thing he knew what to do, he grabbed a bar of chocolate from his coat and snapped it, giving a piece to Harry. “Eat it will make you feel better.” Harry didn't take a bit but instead stared at Remus, he knew he was familiar but he didn't know where he had seen him, “If you will excuse me I need to go have a chat with the driver.” Remus said before excusing himself.

Once he was out of the compartment, he clung to his chest to feel his heart, just to make sure it wasn't beating out. In and out, he repeated before finding the strength to continue and find the conductor. He so dearly hoped Harry had seen him as more than just a stranger, but he knew that was partly his fault. If he had made an effort to visit or write, maybe he wouldn't be an old creepy man, maybe he would be Uncle Remus if there was such a thing.

The conductor had told him that he had no choice but to stop so Remus returned to his compartment. Before he entered he quickly jotted down a short letter to McGonagall, he didn't know her extract location so he told the Express Owl to deliver it to Hogwarts, telling her everything that had happened might help Harry once they get to school. She could give him the proper comfort he deserved.

Harry was still on the floor and hadn't even taken a single bite when he got back, “I haven’t poisoned that chocolate, you know …” He said. He watched Harry take a bit and his face instantly lit up, “The conductor says we’ll be at Hogwarts in ten minutes, so get prepared.”

The rest of the ride was just as equally awkward as the begging. Remus had even begun to make a list of conversation starters with Harry. The first one being, my first kiss was your dad. I should probably leave that conversation for a later time, he thought.

The train eventually stopped and out went the children. He stayed in the compartment for a few minutes before heading out. The first thing he saw was a towering Malfoy. He resembled his father too much it was horrifying. “Is there a problem?” He asked once he saw him talking to Harry.

“Ur…No…Not at all Professor.” Mumbled one of the boys. They excused themselves then he smirked at Harry before heading inside. The Great Hall looked more alive than the last time he saw it. First years were lining up outside ready for their sorting. he wondered if he would still be in Gryfindor or be given a new house.

At the front of the Hall stretched the teacher's table. He swiftly glided through and found himself a seat. Professor McGonagall came in and gave him a smile which he returned without hesitation. Suddenly the stank smell of baby oil filled his nose. He knew that smell and the head full of greasy hair that followed. “Lupin.” said a nasty voice.

Remus rolled his eyes before displaying the fakest smile known to mind kind. “Severus. What a pleasure it is to see you finally not playing with your chemistry set.”

“Watch it dog.” Snape snarled.

“Tell me that again, and I will bite you.” Said Remus with a sharp voice. Severus backed away scared but placed himself next to him.

“Now…now. Is that how you treat the person brewing your wolfsbane.” Remus had never used wolfsbane before. “Thought so.” he laughed. Remus didn't reply, instead,, he turned back to face the Hall ignoring the tard toad sitting right next to him.

Dumbledore finally rose from his seat and welcomed him, he didn't knows what to do besides stand so the crowd could see him. Snape scoffed once he heard how loud Remus’ applause was.

The whole dinner was filled with people asking him where he had been or if he was still in contact with anyone. No doubt they had had a gossip session before he arrived. Every teacher seemed to be prepared with a list of questions to ask. “Minerva will show you to your office and room after this Lupin.” Spoke Dumbledore from across the table.

“Thank you,” he said feeling rather shy.

He didn't waste any more time eating after that. He knew the way to the kitchen so there wasn't any use in getting too full. He walked with Professor McGonagall in silence to the defence against the dark arts room. It was smaller than he remembered but just as alive. McGonagall lead him up the stairs to his office and stopped at the back wall.

“Now watch, I'm only going to do this once.” She pulled out her wand and pulled up her sleeves. She carefully glided her wand down the brick creases and said, “Aberto” loud and clear. A door formed and opened by itself, and a medium-sized bed, drawers and a bathroom. “Now this is your room, don't let the students discover it and lock it when you go out…Okay?”

He nodded his head and move out of the way for her to pass. She sighed and passed by, stopping at the office door, “Lupin.” She called. Remus knew this talk was coming, she was the only person who did not say a word at dinner.

“Yes.” He said quietly.

“If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here,” she said softly.

“I know.”

“And…Well, I hope that, if I ever need someone to talk to you will also be here.”

“I will.” he smiled.

She smiled back before leaving the room and closing the door behind her. Remus sat down on his bed and sighed. He didn't know what he had gotten himself into, but he wasn't going to disappoint anyone. Tomorrow was a new day, the first day even. He needed to make sure that he didn't mess up and be the person he so deeply wanted in his life. Someone who others could go to and feel safe.

Make sure to check out the link at the start or bellow to read How It Should Have Been on Ao3

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