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#12 week challenge progress

junosswans · 5 months

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FMA sketches by Ace Attorney's character designer, Iwamoto Tatsuro

For the past week, Iwamoto-san has been posting sketches of FMA characters on his twitter as a part of his daily sketching challenge and they are absolutely BEAUTIFUL.

I really want to share his art over here and also translate his posts for you all because I think his commentaries are quite insightful for people who are interested in character design!

[Those who know their AA lore would recognize him as who voiced Edgeworth (Mitsurugi) in the games :3]

Anyways, below are his FMA sketches he's shared on twitter so far! (Contains: Ed, Hughes, Kimblee, Mustang, Breda) You can click on the dates to see their original post. I will add to this post if he shares any more sketches, it seems that he has been on an FMA roll xD

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25/11/2023

If you draw your favourite things out you will know them better! So, this is Edward Elric from #FullmetalAlchemist.

Even if you have decided on the pose you want to draw, it is better to sketch out these three first:

the moment before the pose is struck

the pose itself

the moment after the pose is struck

then decide which image works better for your art. I learned this from a really great senior of mine, and it is very solid advice.

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29/11/2023 (Translator's note: I decided to move this one to the top because it is my favourite. No I don't accept criticism.)

I have been drawing Ed's automail again.

I like it when the machine part has a distinctly different silhouette compared to the human body, so I added some original ideas to the design.

What design should I draw next? Perhaps I should draw the military uniform?

# (combined two posts because they’re the progression of the same piece.) #

26/11/2023

Again, it is the time of "drawing your favourite things to know them better!"

It feels so good to draw such great characters...

27/11/2023

My Photoshop has been crashing for mysterious reasons the whole morning, and I tried to troubleshoot in the afternoon and it was a PAIN. Computers are really difficuuuuuuuult--

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28/11/2023

Iwamoto-style drawing Masterclass: Bonus!

It is the "Give the leather and metal items a bit of flare/shine to immediately make the drawing look more complete"-jutsu!

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30/11/2023

I wanted the clothes to give off an oversized, loose impression.

Canon Hughes didn't seem to be wearing a shirt underneath... hmm.

03/12/2023

I am beginning to understand the structure of the military uniform better...

Realising the butt flap/cape didn’t actually connect to the upper jacket is a shocker to me.

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03/12/2023

A continuation of yesterday's sketch

...or so I thought, until I realized how King Bradley and Kimblee during the Ishval war had a different overcoat design, in which they actually wore a single long coat instead of a separated upper and bottom set.

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04/12/2023

When his clothes were unbuttoned, there was something that looked like an additional button on his right chest... I wonder if it could be fastened from the back?

(Translator's note: sorry, I have no idea what button he's referring to here lol)

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05/12/2023

I like how each character's personality was expressed through the way they dress. Contrary to his appearance, this person was very intelligent, which makes him such a great character.

#Lia translates #tweet translation #fma #fullmetal alchemist #fmab #fullmetal alchemist brotherhood #Fma translation #edward elric #roy mustang #solf j. kimblee #heymans breda #maes hughes #iwamoto tatsuro #ace attorney

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twopoppies · 3 months

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Gina, have you seen the article about Hs workout routine for LOT? I mean, we all saw the results… but I find it almost even more impressive to learn how its been done! His dedication and work ethic is so inspiring and surely part of why I adore him so much 🫠🫶

Holy hell. No wonder he’s in such great shape. Just a note that Thibo David was his old trainer with Live On Tour. I assume Brad Gould was his new trainer for Love on Tour. But I doubt his regimen was any less insane.

[…]

If you include the one-mile run and bodyweight challenge, this is the hardest warm-up I’ve ever done, but, given the intensity required for the next two elements I’m promoting them to workout status.

[…]

David says Harry Styles can run a mile in an impressive 5min 13sec—a standard some of the professional athletes David coaches can’t match—but I was urged to run my own race.

[…]

This was far closer to my wheelhouse as a CrossFit fan. I chose to tackle it in alternating sets of 10, transitioning quickly between exercises to finish within the eight-minute limit. But even commando rolling from push-up to sit-up then springing into the squats left me little time to spare.

[…]

I took 7min 39sec, and, somewhat unexpectedly, given I can barbell squat more than 300lb, it was my quads that blew up the most. Whether this was the result of the one-mile run before it or heavy front squats the day before, I couldn’t say, but my thighs were on fire by the final rep.

“I like to say that I train very smart, but you also have to be very stupid sometimes, you know? Do this type of workout in the most stupid way; go hard at the task at hand, like when you throw a ball for a dog and it goes super crazy.

“This is a very good workout for that. Very good at building everything that needs to be added after the aerobic base; aggressiveness, speed, that go-hard mentality.”

[…]

Things did become particularly spicy during round three and four though, as my body began to tire with the sustained effort.

My posterior chain (the muscles running along the back side of the body) took a battering from the kettlebell swings and sandbag-over-shoulders, my already-fried legs felt heavy during the box jumps, and my shoulders grew tired from two minutes of straight clean and presses—it was a serious test of muscular endurance.

[…] I also did 12 total rounds—I wanted the full Styles experience, after all—but I’d live to regret this. The hill I chose grew progressively steeper as I worked my way up it, and by the eighth round I felt like death. My sprints turned to slogs, and the time it took me to complete the distance I established in the first interval grew longer.

[…] The prior running and box jumps didn’t help either, but I got it done eventually in less than 30 minutes.

[…]

This was a relaxing way to wrap up a far from relaxing morning of training, and gave me a second to catch my breath after a monumental effort which lasted a little over two hours.

I swapped his day of training for one of my usual CrossFit sessions and had a lot of fun doing it. Every part of my body felt like it had been put through the ringer thanks to the muscle-burning circuit and lung-taxing running elements. I was also very, very hungry.

Another thing that impressed me was Styles’ evident fitness levels and work ethic; how he has the energy to perform for two hours during a stadium tour is no longer a mystery.

Another thing I liked about my chat with David was his openness and honesty. I often see articles online saying celebrities do a few Pilates classes or HIIT workouts each week to stay in unbelievable shape, and he was keen to dispel this myth.

“Collaborating with Harry Styles was an absolute delight; his commitment is unparalleled,” says David.

“But it’s important to note that this level of training isn’t suitable for everyone. Harry was inherently fit, but achieving the level of fitness needed for this session still required time, work and effort. Rushing into such high-volume workouts can pose risks.”

David also stressed that sessions of this intensity weren’t done every day, and the nature of his workouts will often “depend on the day and the state of the athlete”.

“It’s crucial to emphasize the significance of proper periodization,” says David. “Not every day constituted an intense session. In fact, we strategically incorporated recovery sessions which often involved a light run combined with core exercises and mobility work. Every workout was thoughtfully placed within the overall training plan.”

Read, full article here

#exercise Harry #workout Harry #fitness Harry #thibo david

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waitmyturtles · 6 months

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THE MORNING AFTER: ONLY FRIENDS, EPISODE 12 -- WHEN ONLY FRIENDS GOT 2GETHER-ED

TRIGGER WARNING: EVERYONE'S UP FOR CRITICISM HERE, JOJO AND TEAM, FORCEBOOK, FIRSTKHAO, ALL OF THEM. Read at your peril.

Well. Big deep breaths. I spent a lot of time on a show that had been marketed as not-a-BL, that ended as a BL. As a mom with not that much time to spend on watching and writing on dramas that were marketed incorrectly, I am feeling some kinda way (fucking pissed off).

So many people had amazing takes yesterday, on both sides of the aisle, regarding how the show ended (pro-ending here, anti-ending here, here, here, here, here, and here, and my dear friends @neuroticbookworm and @lurkingshan did heavy lifting on reblogs yesterday, so stroll on over to their blogs for more).

I want to set up a constellation of points to touch upon before I get into the meat of this post.

1) I referred quite a bit to my review of Theory of Love throughout my watch of Only Friends. In that review, I meditate on how the majority of the general global public judges sex, and casual sex, and people who have sex and/or casual sex. Generally speaking -- even in countries that makes as progressive art on sex and sexuality as Thailand and the United States -- that's a rule of thumb that I can rely on. Sex is judged by the majority of the global public.

2) I hate to say it. I cannot believe this happened. But I was right about monogamy being an ultimate theme in Only Friends. Not just a theme, fam. A theme by which people judged others for having open, casual, and consensual sex. Queer sex. Queer sex that is so very often had outside of the constraints of a monogamous relationship.

There was a reason why that holiday party was populated by couples, except for Boston, and Boston had to grovel to them in apology for their friendship. In Only Friends: monogamy wins, and casual queer sex loses.

3) Unfortunately, in part though an analysis of Cheum inside of last week that I accidentally started (ha), I see that points 1 and 2 come together to have created a fabric and framework of judgement that Only Friends ended on.

The last paragraph in this excellent post by @benkaaoi notes that the assumption by a large portion of the OF fandom that the creative choices that were made to end this series were designed to save the sanctity -- economic and otherwise -- of the shipped pairs of ForceBook and FirstKhao. This rings true to me.

Most of the BL shows that I've watched this year are older shows, through my Old GMMTV Challenge, in which I've been studying the changes over time that GMMTV and other Thai networks, have made towards their editorial choices, attitudes, and risks in producing BLs. I included Only Friends on this syllabus to note the show's impact as a kind of zeitgeist measure of how much heat and literary controversy GMMTV could take in airing increasingly progressive queer media -- even though Only Friends wasn't originally intended to be a BL.

To the theory that Only Friends needed to save the ships... and to another theory that the ships needed to be saved in the most moralistically judgmental way that I could have ever imagined (I was actually blown away by how heavy-handed this messaging was) -- I look to the ending of 2gether.

The majority general reaction to the ending of 2gether from within the existing BL fandom in 2020, was one of guffawed incredulousness. BrightWin/SarawatTine did not kiss in the first season of 2gether. It took Aof Noppharnach to come in to make Still 2gether to indicate that these two young men may have been at least vaguely sexual with each other throughout the course of their fictional relationship.

Yet, 2gether was a massive success. Many theorize it was because 2gether was the first big BL to air during the start of the COVID pandemic, and new BL fans had time to be at home and watch shows. But I posit in my 2gether/Still 2gether review that 2gether was also successful PRECISELY BECAUSE IT LACKED SEX (and by sex here, I mean plain old kissin').

As I stated earlier: sex is judged by the majority of the global public. With BrightWin NOT kissing, new fans who may have been implicitly and/or explicitly turned off by physical depictions of queer love could glom comfortably onto 2gether, and watch a BL without the "threat" of physical depictions of two men expressing their love to each other.

Subsequently, BrightWin gained massive social media followings, 2gether made GMMTV buckets of money, and GMMTV went -- well, hot diggity.

Many of us had impressions of Only Friends as...something else than it ended up being. Early on, Jojo Tichakorn, for instance, cited an early non-GMMTV, non-BL show, Gay OK Bangkok, that he and Aof Noppharnach worked on in 2016 and 2017, as being referential to Only Friends. Gay OK Bangkok centered on a group of queer friends, mostly cisgender men with Jennie Panhan in the mix, as they lived their lives and dated away in Bangkok.

I'll tell ya, GOKB didn't end the way Only Friends did, and I'll get into that more in a bit. I believe @benkaaoi, @lurkingshan, and others are absolutely right that the ultimate moralization on casual sex that this show depicted -- and how Only Friends punished Boston for his casual sex -- was an economic decision designed to reflect on the sanctity of monogamy that shipped couples like ForceBook and FirstKhao can sell back to their fans, fans that may have actually flocked to GMMTV shows from 2gether, and that demand a fantasy of devoted monogamy from both fictional characters and professional actors who are actually only just doing fan service to earn their livings. GMMTV has known for a long time how to make money, and money the network doth has made from Only Friends, and from shipping their ships around the world to service the growing fandom.

Casual sex in fiction, casual sex that breaks up the ships.... fucks that economic shit all up.

GMMTV has taught us our lesson, a lesson that we had already learned from the no-kissing rule of 2gether. Loose lips shall not sink ships at this network. And I think we lost a chance for a big and progressively artistic zeitgeist that GMMTV could have taken risks on, if it had the courage to risk depicting something truly novel.

I want to note quickly another framework that I dug into while I was watching this show. I sent a flare to @lurkingshan before I started watching the episode that I was going to, in part, watch this last episode from my personal Asian lens. I wanted to ask myself, as I was watching this disaster -- is there anything happening here that strikes my heart with fear and doom as an Asian?

Indeed, yes. I didn't expect it, but there was a dialogue on individualism vs. collectivism.

Boston. My dear, sweet Boston. Boston, named after a city so very distant from Bangkok.

Boston was punished by his group of friends because he didn't adhere to the rules of the group. His individualistic actions and preferences -- his preferences to "roll alone," as Nick stated, would not work in the frameworks of either monogamy with Nick and/or the group dynamics of the hostel crew.

The link I linked above is an amazing answer to an inquiry I posed to dear @absolutebl last year about how Asian social collectivist paradigms are depicted in BLs. In that question-and-answer dialogue, I asked ABL Sensei about the motif of queer revelations in BLs, and how seemingly straight characters respond in kind to being approached with a proposition to a queer dalliance and/or relationship. Generally speaking, the Asian collectivist mindset is to at least attempt to respond in kind to those kinds of propositions, as one's behavioral habits are designed to be responsive to others instinctually, as opposed to only servicing oneself. To only service oneself is not only seen as selfish, but also as disturbing to the general flow of public existence among one's societies. To respond in kind means that you will not cause potentially disturbing angst to another individual or group. (Collectivism explains why Asian countries performed much better with mask mandates during the pandemic than we in the States did.)

So -- Boston filming Ray, Boston sleeping with Top, created waves in the friend group. He was so severely punished for it.

And the show iterates, and repeats, Nick's preference that Boston move forward alone in Boston's life, because of Boston's tendencies to make decisions that suit himself. As an Asian-American, I mutter to myself: god forbid.

Nick will not commit to Boston -- and yet, will also condemn Boston for making his own decisions outside of the specter of a monogamy that does not exist between Nick and Boston, and that Boston will still get judged for, as referenced in the Sand/Nick conversation depicted above.

In other words: if Boston makes a decision for himself? That's punishable. Because it might hurt someone else's feelings -- a someone else that actually hasn't committed to Boston, and/or allowed Boston to commit himself to.

This group caught Boston in a moralistic and collectivist catch-22, the likes of which I just would have never expected from Jojo and team, even if the creative team faced the economic pressures of the GMMTV bigwigs. I'm sorry to state that I am beyond disappointed in this condemnation of individualism, sending Boston alone, judged, and friendless, off to New York City to live in, what, the immoral boundaries of Chelsea? Homey, get a fucking SWEET-ASS PAD, and FUCK THESE LOSERS, leave 'em BEHIND in your cloud of airplane gas emissions. See you at the La Quinta rooftop bar on 32nd Street, friendo.

Only Friends could have ended so much better. And I understand that in the Only Friends novel, published AFTER the script was finished, that it did end somewhat better for Boston (cc @jinitak, reporting from Thailand, thank you for this heads-up about the novel!).

So. Any-fucking-way. Do y'all know how Gay OK Bangkok ended?

Of many lovely endings for the various GOKB characters, an older main character, Aof, was dating a much younger character, Big. (CC to @neuroticbookworm for our quick convo on this last night.)

Aof was sex-averse. Big wanted lots of sex. Big slept with a lot of people. He loved Aof. Aof couldn't handle Big having sex with other people, and they broke up. It was a lovingly handled break-up, written just gorgeously by Aof Noppharnach.

After their break-up, I thought Big would disappear from the show. Instead. Instead! Nong Big, the little brother to the core group of queer friends that centered GOKB, was welcomed back with open arms. Arm, Pom, Sathang (played by an effervescent Jennie Panhan), and others toasted to Big, telling him he would always be family, no matter if him and his ex, Aof, had broken up. In the queer circles of friends that I'm a part of, exes are not as commonly excommunicated as they are in straight circles.

Only Friends could have been this. Something, a little something, like this.

Instead, Only Friends punished a friend for acting outside of the rules of their group.

Boston was punished because.... because Only Friends had to end up being a BL. For the sake of the moolah, for the sake of collectivism, for the sake of the shippers who'll buy tickets around the world to see ForceBook and FirstKhao perform fan service on stage.

I just didn't think that the show would be so brutal, on so many levels, in the end, to people who want to have casual sex. I don't think any of us expected this. But, it's over, it's done, and the piece has been said -- GMMTV said, no casual sex today, and here's how we actually feel about it.

I'll see you over on Gagaoolala for Playboyy. Deuces, OF.

(It was an absolute pleasure writing meta with the Ephemerality Squad -- onto the next one! @lurkingshan @neuroticbookworm @ranchthoughts @twig-tea @slayerkitty @thatgirl4815 @distant-screaming @clara-maybe-ontheroad)

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natashaslesbian · 4 months

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We Saved Each Other (Part Five)

Summary: you’re continuing to grow everyday with Natasha, facing all kinds of challenges both new and old

Word Count: 4.1k

Parings: (Natasha Romanoff x Kid!Reader) (Maria, Clint and Fury appear)

Warnings: Red room references, abusive father references, nightmares, shouting, crying, but the fluffiest ending

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Natasha was amazed at your progress. It had been a long 2 months but you were continuing to grow every day. You were starting to get more comfortable around the avengers but there was still some bonding to be done and many more mountains to be climbed.

-5 weeks at S.H.I.E.L.D-

“So” Fury said as he settled into his chair “how are the two of you settling in?” The director asked. Natasha glanced over to you through the glass, you were always scared when you couldn’t see her and truth being told Nat didn’t ever want to let you out of her sight either “we’re okay” she said “ok, and the truth?” Nick smirked “it’s been hard I guess” the widow wasn’t yet used to allowing her emotions to show “she doesn’t know any different” Natasha said, eyes still glued to you “we don’t know any different” she corrected.

“Woah y/n look at this one!” Maria said as reached right to the bottom of the box of brand new toys Clint had sent for you “what is it?” You asked as you waddled over “it’s a doll house” Maria said “do you wanna open it up and put it together?” Your eyes lit up, you had never had your own doll house “yes please” you said. It was a challenge for Maria, this whole situation was. The agent had her walls built so high and watching over you, playing with you, it brought a lot of memories back for her. “What are you going to name this one?” Maria said as she passed you the brand new doll “I can name it anything?” You asked “of course” Maria said.

“We can’t keep her here without a guardian much longer Romanoff” Nick coughed “what does that mean? Where are you gonna send her?” The panic ran up through Natasha’s spine “we don’t want to send her anywhere, but she needs a guardian” Nats blood settled again “are you asking me to do that?” She asked “I’m not asking you to do anything, in all honesty you can’t, you haven’t been a US citizen long enough” Nick said “you need to have been here at least 12 months” Natasha sighed “that’s another 2 months away” the red head said. She would be damed if these people just shipped you off somewhere new “why can’t she just stay here until I can be her guardian” Natasha asked “I didn’t know that’s what you wanted” Nick said, falling back into his chair. Shit. She was letting her guard down again, letting some stranger see her emotions “well I don’t want her just thrown into the care of someone else” the widow said “we can take care of her, I can take care of her. Please Fury, let me help her”

“Hey y/n” Nat said as she opened the door “you wanna get some lunch?” She asked, you shrunk into yourself again, still wanting to play but not wanting to get into trouble “okay” you nodded your head. Natasha picked up on your discomfort “would you like to stay and play a bit longer?” The red head asked “yes please” you timidly said. Maria said her goodbyes and Natasha came to join you on the carpet “what’s your dolly’s name?” She asked, your cheeks grew a certain red and you giggled “Natasha” you smiled “you named her Natasha? After me?” The agent asked “yeah” you shyly said “why did you do that?” Nat asked again “because you’re my best friend” you smiled up with your y/e/c “you’re my best friend too y/n” Natasha said, feeling her heart open more than it ever had.

-6 weeks at S.H.I.E.L.D-

You were so exhausted. Each time you slept your mind was plagued with demons, running around and throwing very bad memory into your consciousness. Right now was no different .“Y/n?” Natasha cooed “you’re okay y/n, wake up for me sweetheart” she pleaded. You had finally settled at 6am after a night of tears and no sleep. It was 8:30 now, things were going so well, Natasha was thrilled that you were getting some rest at last. “Y/n sweetheart, it’s Natty can you hear me?” She asked. You could hear her calling you but she was too far away, your father dragging you even further and pushing you into the arms of a strange man. Natasha cradled you in her lap, wiling you to wake through her thoughts “I’ve got you darling. It’s okay you’re safe” she continued to say.

Finally the darkness had gone and the overhead light stung your eyes slightly as you rolled away from it, further into Nat’s grip “Natty” you cried out “I’m here baby, I’m here” she said as she gently stoked your hair behind your ear “d- Dreykov” you whispered “its alright y/n. I won’t let him hurt you, he can’t get to you okay” Natasha said to you, and herself. “Do you want sprinkles?” Natasha asked, you nodded your head at the mention of your beloved stuffed bunny. The widow had bought if for you after your first nightmare, she had always wanted a stuffy and she was honoured to gift your first ever one to you.

You wrapped Sprinkles arms around your own while Natasha tucked you back into the soft sheets. “Get some sleep okay sweetheart” she said, bringing her hand back to your forehead, trailing her fingertips across your hair line “okay” you yawned “Natty?” You peered up at her “yeah?” She said as she sat on the plush mattress next to you. “can you sing me a song?” You asked “a song?” Nat asked in return, slightly terrified at the prospect of singing “yeah” you said sleepily “daddy used to sing me lullabies. Be-before he turned scary” you frowned and Natasha lent down to leave a kiss on your forehead, the action taking both of you by surprise “what did daddy used to sing for you?” The widow asked. You hummed in thought for a moment “I don’t remember” you said “how about I sing you one that my mommy used to sing to me?” Natasha smiled at the brief memory “where is your mommy?” You questioned as you rubbed your sore eyes “I don’t know, I haven’t seen her in 15 years” Nat believed Melina had died many years ago but she didn’t want to put that in your head “that’s a long time” you said “it is” Nat nodded “are you going to leave me for 15 years?” You quietly asked, afraid of the answer. Natasha couldn’t promise you anything, her future was just as unclear as yours but she was sure of one thing “I’m not going anywhere y/n” she said “now you close those eyes” her Russian accent filled your ears with a beautiful tune as she began to sing. Her comforting warmth lulling you into a deep slumber.

-7 weeks at S.H.I.E.L.D-

“No.” Natasha firmly said “I’m not going on this mission!” she slammed her hands on the wall “Romanoff” Fury warned, Maria cutting him off “the whole point of you coming here was that you would work under S.H.I.E.L.D” she said “well things have changed!” Natasha yelled “I need you for this mission Natasha” Fury boomed “I have to be here for y/n” Natasha said, scratching at her palms to calm her anger “you can’t stay glued to her side forever” Maria sighed. “You don’t get it!” The widow screamed, loosing all control “then explain it to us!” Fury said, mirroring Nat’s anger. “This is the safest place y/n has ever been but she doesn’t feel it yet.” Natasha began “she won’t feel safe for a long time and I may not be the perfect role model but I am the only one she trusts, the only one who will ever understand the hell she has been through!” Natasha’s voice was cracking, the tears threatening to spill “you both went through it” Maria said, catching the halls attention “they need time Nick” she said looking at her superior “a month is long enough” he said “no it’s not” Maria shot back “only Natasha and y/n can tell us when they’re ready” the brunette came to stand by Nats side, a silent promise that she was there for her. “So what do you need?” Nick asked “time” Natasha said.

“Natty?” You quietly called from the bedroom door, the three adults in the corridor turned their attention to you “hey y/n, are you okay?” Nat asked “why are you shouting?” You mumbled “sorry sweetheart we were just having a little disagreement” the red head said as she came to pick you up. She stopped immediately when you backed away from her “its okay no one’s angry” she cooed coming down to your level “I don’t like it” you sniffled “you sound like daddy” Natasha’s heart sank, she wanted to make a different impact on your life. “I’m sorry baby I didn’t mean to scare you” Nat said trying to defuse the situation. Her efforts fell short when Fury announced his exit with the slam of the corridor doors. You flinched and pushed past the red head into Maria’s legs, breaking Natasha’s heart without knowing it. She couldn’t hold it back this time, big strong Nat, the tears started to fall. She quickly stood and turned on her heels walking past you and Maria, intertwined together. “Natasha” the agent called after the widow, her sobs fading and allowing her to hear yours. “It’s alright y/n, let’s go and get a hot chocolate okay”

Natasha caught the faint red stain in the mirror as she turned on her feet, the blood beginning to seep through her pointe shoes. This was the only way to let it all out. She had cried enough, spent too long feeling sorry for herself. Now she needed to make up for her mistake, and she needed to forget the look on your little face. The balletic music filled her head enough that Natasha didn’t notice when Clint came into the studio, only realising he was there when she caught his frame landing from a leap. She continued to twirl until Clint stopped the music “that looks painful” he said as he pointed to Natasha’s shoes, she simply shrugged. “Maria called” Clint began “told me what happened earlier. Why are you punishing yourself?” He asked. There it was again, the feeling of her tears creeping up on her “because I’m a monster” she whispered “No. you’re not” the spy said as he handed his teammate a fresh water bottle. He tilted his gaze to the bench and Natasha understood the message. “You’re allowed to be hurt too you know” Clint said as he passed nat a first aid kit, understanding that she would probably want to tend to her own wounds herself. “This has been a huge scary change for you, and for y/n. It’s not always going to be easy” Clint settled on the bench close to Natasha “she got scared Nat, but she won’t stay scared. I see it in her face, she trusts you, you just reminded her of a time I’m sure she’d rather forget” Nat looked over to her fellow agent every few seconds, in between placing her sneakers back onto her bruised feet “do you remember your second week here?” Clint asked “we were training in the gym. You dodged my right hook and I took you straight to the floor, and you stayed there for an hour. You were afraid, because I reminded you of a time you would rather forget” Natasha thought about the memory in detail, imagining that’s how you must have felt today “but here you are now, sat here with me. And I know you’ll never admit it, but I see it on your face too; I see that you trust me” the two shared a glance, accompanied with a small smile. Feeling content that Natasha was safe to be on her own, Clint left her to ponder. Ponder about you.

When Natasha found you, you were watching finding nemo. You and nat had watched it together for the first time last week. Maria was close by and Natasha wished it was her next to you instead of sprinkles. “Hey y/n” she quietly said, not wanting to startle you “mind if I join you?” She asked from a safe distance, thrilled when you nodded. She sat on the armchair next to the couch and you instantly knew that she was too far away for your liking. Shuffling down of the cushions you made your way over to Natasha and slotted your hand into hers, a large smile forming on her face. You pulled her to her feet and dragged her back to your mountain of blankets, silently asking her to join you, which she of course did. After a while of content movie watching, Maria excused herself, leaving you and Natasha to talk. “Y/n” Nat said, drawing your focus to her “I’m so sorry I scared you today” you looked up to her emerald eyes and saw nothing but regret, a look your father never had. He had never told you he was sorry after shouting and he definitely didn’t after he had thrown you around the house. You knew Natasha was different, every touch to your skin was gentle and every sentence was soft. “I forgive you” you said noticing a tear forming in the corner of Natasha’s eye “don’t cry Natty” you said as you came to your knees and crawled to wipe away her stray tear. “I promise you I will never hurt you y/n, you don’t have to be scared of me” Natasha sniffled “‘M not scared of you” you sat back on your heels “but I am scared of daddy” you admitted “and I’m scared of Dreykov, and the red room. I don’t wanna go back there” Natasha broke hearing you say the very same words she had once pleaded. “You don’t ever have to go back there baby” the red head cried with you “not to the red room and not to daddy, you can stay with me forever” you collapsed into Nats arms and held on tight, you knew you were never letting go “look at me y/n” Natasha said as she lifted your chin with her pinky “it’s okay to be afraid. I’m afraid too sometimes, but me and you are gonna stick together and I will always look after you” he sniffled “I’ll look after you too Natty”

-Week 8 at S.H.I.E.L.D-

Waking up next to Natasha felt safe. She was warm and always had one arm holding you close. The widow had tried to coax you into your own bed, adjacent to her own on the other side of the room. Each night, however, you would always end up cuddled together. Natasha understood it was where you felt most comfortable but still dealing with her own nightmares at the same time was hard, thankfully you were a heavy sleeper but Nat always feared she would startle you awake too.

Today was a big day. You hadn’t been outside of the S.H.I.E.L.D grounds since you arrived, the outside world seeming too scary. Natasha had seen you though, staring up at the city through the fencing. Your little mind was so curious and you had yet to explore the world outside of an abusive environment. You were excitedly nervous when Natasha told you she needed to take a trip to the store, you had never been to one of those before. The red head didn’t really need to go but it was a good excuse to get you out of HQ. She had agreed with Fury that a car of specialist agents would follow close behind, dressed in everyday clothes as to not frighten you although they were ultimately there to protect you. Fury accepted Natasha’s many requests, despite not fully understanding why he needed 10 members of his team watching the surrounding areas.

“Good morning Natty” you said as you gently laid your weight over her stomach, you were clingiest in the morning and Natasha loved it. Thinking back to the first few weeks you were here, it was remarkable that you accepted her loving touch so easily now. “Are you looking forward to our trip out today?” Nat asked “yeah. But ‘M a little nervous” you mumbled behind a yawn “that’s alright sweetheart” Natasha said as she pushed your baby hairs to the side “I’ll keep you safe y/n” she smiled, and you smiled back. The redhead considered asking you if you wanted to go to a cafe for breakfast but thought that might be too much for todays adventure.

“Okay, other foot darling” Natasha said as reached for the laces on your right shoe. “Alright, I think we’re ready to go!” She finished with a gentle pat to your shoe clad foot. You followed Natasha through the building towards the garage area, reaching for her hand every now and then but deciding against it. “Woah!” You said as you helped the redhead push open the door “would you like to pick a car? We’re allowed to take any one that we want!” She said “yes please” you excitedly giggled and instantly moved towards the convertible Volkswagen Beatle. “You wanna take the bug y/n?” Nat asked, you nodded with anticipation and the widow helped you into the car seat Maria had gotten for you.

You were amazed. The trees swaying so freely, all the colours in the bushes just filled with flowers. You couldn’t keep still the entire journey, every corner filling your little mind with wonder. As curious as you were, you failed to catch the unmarked S.H.I.E.L.D car trailing you. Natasha however, was glancing in the mirror every few moments to make sure they were still there, your safety being her number one priority. You got excited when the tall buildings of the city came into view but were immediately disappointed when Natasha took a left turn into a car park. “Ok here we are!” Nat said “do you have the list I gave you sweetheart?” You held up the notepad high to show Natasha you had taken good care of it.

When you reached for Natasha’s hand this time, just outside the shop doors, she obliged straight away. Keeping a tight grip on you and the basket in her other hand, she asked you what was the first item on the list. Natasha didn’t actually need any of the things she had written down but they were basic necessities so would one day become useful. You stayed close to your best friend the entire time, starting to feel slightly overwhelmed as the store filled up with customers. The lights were getting to bright and the mixed sent from each department was too much but as long as Natasha was beside you, you knew you would be okay. “Ok I think we’re all done darling” the redhead said “shall we double check?” She continued as she put down the heavy basket. You began to list of every item on your piece of paper “toothpaste” you said “check” Natasha answered “shampoo”

“Check”

“Soap”

“Check”

“Lotion”

“Check! I think we’re all good!” Natasha finally said after you had ticked of every item. “You’ve been so helpful y/n, how about we go and pick you out a new outfit?” Truth be told you were ready to leave but you had been eyeing up the clothes every time you wandered past “okay” you said and retook Nat’s hand.

You didn’t like this section anymore, at first it had been fun all these bright colours and pretty dresses, but each time you picked something out Natasha would let go of your hand to pull it off the rail. Eventually both your hands were so full of clothes that you had no way to connect, thankfully Natasha had suggested that it was time to leave so you followed close by to the checkout making sure you could see her red locks the entire time. A group of teenagers came charging towards you both, taking you by surprise and causing you drop your new sneakers. You quickly lent down to grab them but when you looked up again Natasha’s red hair was no where to be seen. You immediately panicked, not being able to see the widow, dropping everything in your grasp to run ahead and catch up to her. You expected she would be just around the corner but when you shuffled around on the slippery floor, she wasn’t there. A gentlemen came up behind you with your discarded items “here you go y/n” the man said, causing you to let out a squeal at the unwelcome touch “no go away!” You screamed and ran in the opposite direction.

Meanwhile, Natasha was frantically searching for you in every isle and around every bend. “Y/n?” She called at every corner. All your shopping was long gone by now, nothing mattered more to Natasha than you did. She ran through the store, halting when she saw agent Carlos holding the clothes and shoes you had picked out. She came crashing into him demanding to know where you were “she got frightened and ran off agent Romanoff” he timidly said, fearing the darkness in the red heads eyes. “Well contact everyone else! Find her!” She demanded and began to race the store in search for you again.

The toy isle seemed a great place to hide, you knocked the boxes of the bottom shelf causing quite a commotion. While pushing the remaining toys out of your way, agent Hill had caught you in the corner of her eye “Romanoff I’ve got her, the toy section” she said into the cuff of her sleeves drawing questioning looks from other customers. Just before you could climb into your hidden safe space, an arm interlocked with your own “no!” You yelled “let me go!” You kicked as Maria pulled you towards her “it’s alright y/n it’s me” she pleaded. Through your teary eyes, you couldn’t quite make out her face and although you recognised her voice she wasn’t who you wanted “no! I want mama! Where’s my mama!” You cried out.

Natasha came speeding down the shop floor, scanning every isle despite knowing where you were. A huddle of onlookers had appeared, Nat simply pushed through them ignoring their huffs of disapproval. She rounded the corner to see you backing away from Maria screaming for your mom, how Natasha’s heart broke, knowing she could never bring her back to you. “Y/n?” The widow said, your head immediately whipping to her direction, your screams stopped for a moment but your howling increased as your eyes met Natasha’s “mama!” You cried as your feet picked up and you ran straight for her. Natasha’s world fell still, you were calling for her. Calling a name she had only dreamed of one day hearing and knew she never would. “Mommy!” you cried once more as Natasha’s world came back to life, her own feet leading her towards you. “Come here baby girl!” She said, and moments later your bodies collided into the most loving embrace the two of you had ever witnessed “mommy’s here y/n” she said into your ear as you cried into her shoulder “please don’t leave me mommy!” You sobbed “I’m not going anywhere y/n, I promise” Natasha said “mama’s got you. Let’s go home baby”

That night, Natasha welcomed you into her bed, wanting to hold you close. You had spent all evening trying on your new clothes (Maria had made sure they were purchased along with the toys you had accidentally broken) you had put on a fashion show for your new mama and required her validation for every outfit, not that you needed it. You had worn yourself out before your usual bedtime and Natasha had decided the two of you would have a movie night. Your eyes had fell closed no more than 30 minutes into the first film. Nat turned off the lights, leaving just the one on her bedside table, you shifted as the redhead pulled the duvet up to cover you both “mh” you whined “mama” you huffed as you cuddled into her side “I’m here sweetheart” your mommy said, holding you tightly in her arms. You fell soundly asleep in the arms of your mom, the woman you love most in the world. As for Natasha, she fell asleep holding in her hands what had only ever been a dream. A dream the red room had tried to take away from her, yet here she was holding her daughter, holding you.

————

This is the longest fic I’ve ever written so I apologise if there’s any mistakes I tried my best to get it done quickly as well and with my dyslexic ass there’s probably mistakes all over it

Happy new year guys🩷

#marvel #natasha romanoff #black widow #marvel fic #nat x reader #avengers #natasha x little!reader #natasha x daughter!reader #clint x natasha #maria hill #nick fury #agents of shield

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korstudying · 9 months

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🌸🌼🌸 30-Day Journey to Korean Language Mastery! 🌸🌼🌸

Hey there language lovers! Are you ready for an exciting adventure in learning Korean at a more intermediate level? 🇰🇷✨ In this 30-day study schedule, we'll dive into some juicy grammar topics that'll take your Korean skills to the next level. Ready to embark on this language adventure? Let's rock this 30-day challenge together! Happy studying and remember, every step counts on the road to Korean language mastery! 화이팅! 💪✨

Week 1: Verb Modification and Advanced Sentence Structures Day 1: Time to dust off those honorifics and level up your respect game! Show some love to those verbs with various honorific verb endings. Day 2-3: Let's express our wishes and assumptions with "았/었으면 좋겠다" (I wish I had) and "-(으)ㄹ 텐데" (I suppose, I think). Wishful thinking, here we come! 🌠 Day 4-5: No more doubts about "have to" or "can do"! Master "-아/어/여야 하다" (have to, must) and "-아/어/여도 되다" (can, may). Day 6-7: Weave your magic into sentences with various verb modifications and advanced structures using the things you've studied the past few days.

Week 2: Subjunctive and Concessive Expressions Day 8-9: Curiosity piqued? Delve into "-아/어/여 보다" (try to do) and "-아/어/여지다" (become something). Adventure awaits! 🚀 Day 10-11: Unveil the power of "even if" with "-더라도" and the allure of "either" with "-든지". Day 12-13: Embrace "no matter how much someone says" with "아무리~-(으)라고 해도" and the certainty of "regardless of" with "-든간에". Day 14: Take a deep breath and look back on the amazing grammar points we've conquered so far! You're soaring to new heights! 🦅

Week 3: Advanced Particles and Connectives Day 15-16: Adventure calls! Set out on "-을 테니까" (since I will) and navigate "-느라고" (because of, due to). Day 17-18: Embrace the twists and turns of "-를 지경이다" (to the extent of) and "-는바람에" (because of, on account of). The path may be challenging, but you're up for it! Day 19-20: "Even if it's tough, let's do it!" Dive into "-아/어/여서라도" and "might have to do" with "-아/어/여야 할지도 모르다". Day 21: Let's take a moment to bask in the glory of the grammar points we've mastered in Week 1 to Week 3. Proud language learners unite! 🌟

Week 4: Expressing Intention and Assumptions Day 22-23: Master the art of expressing intentions with "기로 하다" (decide to do) and "으려던 참이다" (was about to do). Your plans are set in motion! Day 24-25: Delve into assumptions with "ㄴ/는다고 하다" (heard that) and "ㄹ/을 것 같다" (seems like). The mystery unfolds! 🔍 Day 26-27: Let's get speculative with "것 같으면서" (while feeling like) and "(으)니까" (since, because). The intrigue continues! 🕵️‍♂️ Day 28: Embrace your linguistic prowess as you navigate the subtleties of intention and assumptions. Let's recap the past few days!

Week 5: Advanced Particles and Expressions Day 29-30: Explore the nuances of "만에 하다" (to do after a long time) and "아니면서도" (although, even though). Time to fine-tune your expressions! Day 31: Reflect on your incredible progress and pat yourself on the back for conquering advanced grammar structures. You've come so far, and there's no stopping you now! 🎉

#Learn #Learning #Language Learning #korean #studyblr #koreanblr #langblr #study #vocabulary #vocab #words #studying #Vocabulary #Vocab #Words #Practice #study challenge #30 day challenge #language

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2024-grimoire-challenge · 5 months

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December Prep 2

Let's look into a couple of things this week The first is how to properly study, research and gather information and the second is the various kinds of prompts you will see in the challenge throughout the year.

The basic steps in any research process are

Identify and develop your topic (we will have multiple so it will be important to follow the same steps for each topic.)

Preliminary search for information - we will be gathering a list of resources for everyone before the challenge begins including websites, a list of recommended books, and more.

Locate the information/ materials - Gather all your sources into one place! A folder on your pc, or a bookmark bar in your browser can go a long way to helping you keep this organized.

Evaluate and use Discernment on your informational sources.

Take notes! - self explanatory. Using the resources at your disposal, take notes on your selected topic, gather all of those notes, and keep them organized. You don't need to think of this in exact terms of a research paper, but the idea is the same! All of your notes will be helpful in actually filling and creating the pages for your grimoire! But, you also can just keep the notes as they are in your grimoire!

Now lets get on to the types of prompts you will see!

Meditation/ Journal - these will generally be the end of every week and after every practical prompt, so you can look back at what you've done and learned, in order to help you process what you'd done and how you feel and think about it.

Research/ Study - these will include things like herbs, gems, types of magical practices and topics, tools, history

Practical/ Hands on - at least one a week, where you get your hands dirty, so to speak, and really perform some magic or do the work you're studying.

Submissions - I encourage everyone to share their thoughts, ideas, and physical progress within the challenge. You don't have to share pictures, if you're not comfortable, but thoughts and ideas and a short post about what you accomplished!

Holiday/ Seasonal posts - We'll have posts for the typical holidays and some that not so common.

Divination prompts - On occasion we'll have a divination prompt. It won't necessarily require you to perform any divination if you're not comfortable or don't know how, but the option will be there!

Cooking prompt - We've all seen those cool witchy inspired cooking posts on this site. So why not do one? Why not learn to make bread? Or mead? Or cute little pastries? Or anything. This'll be a new prompt, one I encourage everyone to take part in and share!

There may be more of these added as we go, but in general this is all of the types of posts we'll be seeing!

What else is there to do?

Well if you’ve already got notes somewhere (a notebook or files on your computer or what have you) you’re gonna want to actually design a grimoire right? And this is a grimoire challenge right? So let’s look at different design and style options!

If you’ve seen the video I posted of my grimoire pages, they’re very scrapbook/ junk journal styled. Which is a fun and totally customizable option.

Let’s look at some note taking methods, to help us take notes as well as design our grimoire pages, and some scrapbook supplies and ideas for ways to decorate our grimoires.

https://crm.org/news/note-taking-methods#:~:text=There%20are%20many%20different%20methods,and%20Bullet%20Method%2C%20among%20others.

These are just a few links for some ideas.

Your grimoire should suit you, no matter how you choose to design and decorate it. It could be a scrapbook like mine, a bullet note journal, or a leather bound tome with thick ink lettering in a cipher that only you can read. However you want to design it, it should be an expression of you and your practice.

I am excited to be running this challenge again, and to be helping all of your find inspiration for your practices and grimoires!

Good luck and happy crafting!

Mod Hazel

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melancholy-of-nadia · 4 months

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love u lately (m) #6 | myg/knj/pjm

title: love u lately chapter title: #6 - introspection pairing: yoongi x f. reader, namjoon x f. reader, jimin x f. reader (yoonminjoon x f. reader) rating/genre: m (18+) ; smut ; college/university au , pseudo frat! bts; best friends! yoonminjoon friends to lovers; summary: the end of the fall semester leaves you overwhelmed and overstimulated: final exams, presentations, and now, your friends with benefits deal with yoongi AND jimin. when you head back to your hometown for the holidays, you can't seem to stop thinking about your feelings towards your best friends and how you're going to approach this challenge in the new year. and apparently, you're not the only one going through this. warnings: smut, spicy time in the library study room, fingering, final exam presentation because this is a college AU, toys... not for kids, y/n past relationship mentions, swearing, NAMJOON POV, more angst because they're confused college kids, y/n being in her head a lot and reflecting, very small timeskips for plot note: everyone say thank you to @daegudrama for editing this chapter! total word count: 9.6k drop date: January 9th, 2024, 12:30PM PST cross posted on AO3 here ← #5 | Series Masterlist | #7

The deal is sealed with a kiss on November 16, 20XX, an unexpected turn in your relationship with Yoongi and Jimin. As the 0309x1013 group chat was created, signaling the beginning of this uncharted journey, everyone agreed to take things slow, fully aware of the potential risks involved.

With Thanksgiving approaching, the university granted a break for the following week. Instead of heading home, you all decide to have a Friendsgiving together at the house, creating a memorable celebration. The backyard is transformed into a makeshift KBBQ haven, complete with the tantalizing aroma of grilled meats wafting through the air. In an unexpected fusion of cultures, you and Jungkook insist on having pumpkin pie for dessert.

This alternative celebration with friends spares you from the potential awkwardness of interrogations from your relatives about college life and romance. And there is no way in hell you can ever bring up your friends with benefits deal to them. You will be branded as the weird and psychotic child in the family. They may as well burn you at stake.

With more time on your hands, the week break lets you seize moments of solitude with Yoongi and Jimin, stolen kisses and playful slaps on the ass becoming commonplace. Jimin seems to enjoy the latter more, and in a surprising turn of events, Yoongi decides to adopt that habit too.

As schedules align for once, you all indulge in a Friday Night Game Night. The living room transforms for Cards Against Humanity, with soju bottles and beer adding to the spirited atmosphere. Namjoon, however, appears a bit distant, engrossed in his phone. A pang of guilt flutters in your chest, realizing he remains the only best friend unaware of the recent developments. Before you can think too deeply about it, the raucous laughter of the others brings you back to the game.

+++++++++

November 29th [THURSDAY]

The subsequent week marks dead week, a period of intense preparation for impending exams. Your focus turns to Finance, Stats, and Psych, subjects you can’t afford to fail. You were already struggling a bit a few weeks ago as you didn’t do well on your Finance midterm. So you need to get your shit together. Determined to get your academic affairs in order, you book a study room in the library, reaching out to the BTS group chat for potential study buddies. Everyone seems occupied elsewhere, except Yoongi.

Amid the hushed atmosphere of the study room, Yoongi arrives and sits next to you, bearing the weight of textbooks from his Psych classes and the impending stress of exams. The initial exchange of nods and silent acknowledgments is replaced by the persistent rustling of papers and whispering discussions on complex subjects.

As the study session progresses, the tension in the room seems to escalate. Yoongi, sensing the collective stress coming from you reading a question over and over, decides it's time for a much-needed break.

Yoongi lets out a sigh, pushing his chair back slightly. "I need a break, Angel." he admits, rubbing his temples as if trying to physically massage the stress away.

You nod in agreement, closing your textbook with a thud. "Yeah, we should take a break. I think my brain needs a reset."

Yoongi leans in, his voice low and suggestive, "Should we do something to relieve stress?"

Your eyebrows raise in curiosity. "Uh, what do you have in mind?"

You’re going to regret asking this.

A sly smile plays on Yoongi's lips as he brings up a topic that has been lingering unaddressed, "You know, you never really got your punishment for spending time with Jimin. I think it's high time we settle that."

“W-What do you mean?”

Yoongi places his hand on your knee under the table, slowly moving it and placing it in your inner thigh, nearing your heat. You gasp quietly, surprised and excited by his boldness.

“I’ll show you,” he says, looking down at you. You really decided to wear a skirt on the worst day.

You swallow hard, a lump forming in your throat. You're not sure if you're ready for this, but your body betrays you, betraying your nervousness and hesitance. He doesn't say anything else, just looks at you expectantly, waiting for your response.

Finally, you nod, the words coming out in a whispery breath, "Okay, b-but we're in a study room…what if someone sees?!"

Yoongi chuckles, "The door and windows outside this room are frosted glass, they will see people in here but won't know what they're doing." He moves his hand under your skirt, slides your panties off to the side and starts circling your bud.

His fingers dance back and forth, sending shivers down your spine. You moan softly, overwhelmed by the sensations coursing through your body. He then reaches down and gently pushes one finger inside you, stretching you open. The sensation is incredible, and you can't help but arch your back, begging for more. It’s been too long without the fullness of his fingers inside you.

His digits move inside faster, and you try to cover your mouth before getting louder, fearing people outside will know what you're doing. It's almost like you can hear their whispers, taste your own fear that someone might catch you. But, Yoongi's eyes are locked onto you, and he knows exactly what he's doing. He leans in and kisses you, his tongue darting out to taste you, his lips demanding more than just a taste. Your body is on fire now, your heart races, and your breath hitches at every touch, every thrust. He pulls you close, his body pressing against yours, and you can't help but grind against his hands, seeking more of him.

It's then that you lose yourself, your body convulsing and trembling under his touch. Yoongi lets out an intense groan, in reaction to her squirming delight from his digits reaching the right spots.

You collapse back onto the chair, panting and sweating. Yoongi pulls your panties back in place and he opens your text book, reading the question .

“Mary has obtained a $10,000 loan to buy a used car. She is considering 12, 24, and 48-month loans, all of which carry an annual interest rate of 6%. Which of the following statements is true?” Yoongi reads, glancing at you for an answer.

“I hate you so much.” You scoff, covering your flushed face. You can’t believe he really went from fingering you and back to studying, well, helping you study now like it’s nothing. “And the answer is ‘A longer loan period means she will pay more total interest’!”

Yoongi's low chuckle ripples through the room, a mixture of amusement and a hint of satisfaction. He leans back, a playful glint in his eyes as he takes in your blushing and slightly disheveled appearance. The aftermath of a brief interlude from studying seems to have lightened the mood, and he can't help but revel in his revenge move.

"Post-nut clarity does wonders, doesn't it, angel?" he teases, a mischievous smile tugging at the corners of his lips. The humor in his tone lingers, adds an extra layer of playfulness to the moment. "Glad I could assist."

“Please, shut up!”

Yoongi's low chuckle fills the room again as he leans back in his chair, still basking in the aftermath of the unconventional study break. "You know, I'm just trying to make sure you remember the material. Practical application, right?"

Rolling your eyes, you reach for your water bottle, taking a long sip to cool down the lingering warmth on your face. "Practical application, my ass. You just wanted an excuse to finally get back at me.”

"Hey, it worked, didn't it?" He smirks, closing the textbook with a decisive snap. "Now, back to studying for your Finance final."

“You’re unbelievable, Min Yoongi.” You groan dramatically, but you can't deny that maybe this helped you destress.

+++++++++++++++

DECEMBER 4TH [TUESDAY]

The week swiftly transitions into finals, marked by a cascade of exams and the pressure building up for the impending challenges. The first two days witness you navigating through three exams, managing to hold your own despite the weight of academic stress.

Amidst the stress, Jin's birthday slipped your mind. The oversight dawns on you during the marketing group project presentation run-through. The team, a makeshift family made during this semester, surprises Jin with a chocolate lunchbox cake adorned with a Mario frosting doodle. Thank God someone else remembered. The makeshift Mario-themed cake adds a touch of joy to the moment, catching Jin off guard.

"Hyejin, I really thought that box was just extra food from the dining hall." Jin chuckles as he is about to take a bite of the cake. Hwasa playfully kicks him in the butt, laughter echoing in the room. Amid the small birthday celebration, the impending final marketing presentation remains a looming challenge.

The team urges you to lead the presentation, praising your storytelling skills that you tend to downplay. Jimin and Jin offer words of encouragement, reassuring you that your ability to make things work out will shine through once again. As you contemplate the final tomorrow, you hope things will go well. For now, the celebratory atmosphere provides a momentary reprieve before the final academic hurdle of the semester.

+++++++++++++++

DECEMBER 5TH [WEDNESDAY]

The following day arrives, and you find yourself standing in the seminar classroom, ready to deliver your In-N-Out marketing presentation. Unlike the typical lecture hall, the business school's seminar classrooms mimic real-world business meetings, focusing attention on the speaker.

Dressed in a crisp white collared blouse paired with a sleek black pencil skirt, you exude professionalism. The subtle hum of the pantyhose beneath your attire and the comfort of loafers complete the polished look, projecting confidence and sophistication as you prepare to engage your audience. The rest of your team members are dressed in similar fashion, with black slacks and white collared shirts. Jimin, Jin, and Matthew sport black ties as well.

You begin the presentation with a captivating introduction: "Ladies and gentlemen, today, we're delving into the world of In-N-Out – not just a fast-food chain, but a West Coast staple and a testament to effective marketing. Let's talk about why people don't just eat at In-N-Out; they love it, and we're about to uncover the secrets behind their success."

As you, Hwasa, Matthew, Jin and Jimin weave through the details of In-N-Out's marketing strategy, emphasizing its family-oriented approach and the cult-like following it has garnered, the room becomes animated with engaged reactions from your peers. The dialogue is punctuated with anecdotes about the brand's iconic status, creating an atmosphere of hunger and nostalgia.

The end of your presentation is met with applause and excitement. To add to the celebration, Matthew surprises the class with several boxes of In-N-Out animal style fries. That was his idea to entice the audience and the judge, Professor Kim. The gesture not only elevates the experience but also earns cheers from your hungry classmates, turning the presentation into a shared moment of enjoyment. Even your professor can't help but express pride in the engaging and delicious conclusion to your marketing showcase.

As the final comes to an end, your team members shower you with congratulations for delivering an exceptional presentation, with special praise for your captivating introduction and conclusion. Professor Kim approaches your team, a smile on her face, to deliver the good news. She informs you that you all received an A on the final project. Although she hasn't graded the paper portion yet, the impressive effort you put into the project leads her to believe it's bound to be another automatic A.

Walking back home with Jimin, you think about how the success of the presentation and the positive feedback from your professor lifts your spirits.

“Honey, I actually ended up getting you something for working hard throughout the semester on this project. Consider it an early christmas gift too?” Jimin speaks as his hand is shuffling inside his pocket to find the keys to the front door.

Jimin got you a present? You thought it was a little odd, but not completely unlike him to do something like that. He’s always been kind, and while his love language is clearly physical touch, gift giving ties with words of affirmation as a second.

“A gift? You shouldn’t have, Jiminie. Like, really!” You insisted your best friend, walking in once he opens the door.

“It’s nothing! It’s up in my room. I’ll come right over to your room once i grab it.”

You nod, heading upstairs to your room right next to Jimin’s. You don’t know why, but when someone suddenly says they get you something, you can’t help but feel a little nervous. What could he have possibly gotten that he insists on giving it to you before Christmas. Maybe it’s food? There is a bakery off campus that has special made-to-order seasonal pies. You remember going with Jimin and Taehyung to get a pumpkin cream pie there last year, but you were too busy this semester to have time to order one.

Well…

You’re not too far from that guess. Actually you were very far off from any potential thought of what this man could have gifted you, but when Jimin enters your room holding a relatively small black box, you know for a fact that this is not food.

“Here,” Jimin hands you the box, which feels slightly heavy. “Open it.”

Jimin’s eyes and lips turn into crescent moons as he sits on the bed next to you. Oh this can’t be good. You give him a weird glance before going ahead and opening the black box.

What you find in there, makes you yelp and you drop the box which causes the object in it to plop out onto the floor.

“Jimin, what the fuck!”

Suppressing his giggles, Jimin maintains a hushed tone to avoid drawing attention to the two of you in your room. You hope to God that no one else is in this house right now, but given what has happened previously, there’s always one other person somewhere.

"You got me a sex toy… Why would you buy this?!" you whisper with a blend of surprise and agitation, not quite sure what to make of the unexpected gift. You never expected Jimin to get you something like this. And if this were any other situation, you’d probably laugh, but all you can do is look at Jimin with a mortified expression.

Jimin, unable to suppress his laughter any longer, bursts into a fit of giggles. He quickly places a hand over his mouth, attempting to stifle the noise. You, on the other hand, are still grappling with the absurdity of the situation as you stare at the rose-shaped adult toy lying innocently on the floor.

"I thought you could use a little stress relief," Jimin finally manages to say between laughs. "And we did talk about experimentation before, so I wanted to try this on you. I kept seeing people talk online about it so i wanna use it on you."

His words make your face blush red rapidly. You pick up the toy, and now closely examining it to see that it is indeed one of those rose-shaped clit sucking sex toys that have been trending online, however this one comes attached to a vibrating dildo at the bottom of the rose.

You can’t believe he got you a fucking vibrating clit sucking toy and dildo.

This isn’t a pumpkin cream pie you were hoping for, but this could be involved in other cream pies.

And he’s right. You were keen on the idea of experimenting new things involving sex, and while other things like bdsm crossed your mind first, using sex toys wasn’t really a thought at all. You hadn’t done too much with the two men, but you’ve been pretty satisfied giving or receiving oral or an occasional quickie.

“Hey, hey, darling. I thought we could try it, but if you’re not comfortable with this, we don’t have to do it.” he speaks up before you can speak out your own thoughts. But you really don’t know what else to say besides ‘what the fuck’. You’re so shocked that you can’t even react or talk properly.

“We? You want us to try this?” you ask slowly, looking back at your best friend that gives you a short nod. He wants to try this himself?! Or did he mean use it on you?

“I mean you can try it when you’re alone, it’s totally up to you.”

“What? No! ” you shake your head.

“I just want to help make you feel good. You’re already doing so much being with Yoongi hyung and I. Sex with you feels so amazing, and I don’t know if you feel the same, so I thought this would help emphasize those feelings.”

Sex with Jimin feels so liberating, so sensual. It is definitely a contrast from fucking Yoongi, which makes you feel secure and comfort. Fuck, Y/N. If you’re doing this deal to figure out your feelings, it’s not going to be easy. You care about both of them equally. You can’t fathom being without either of them in your life.

“Is this something you want to try?” you ask him curiously, and you see him relax when he notices your interest and that you’re no longer overthinking his present.

“If you want to,” he answers seriously, which causes you to glare at him. “We can just try the roses’ function to start and then the dildo depending how you feel?”

The thought of him using this toy piques your curiosity and brings a tinge of excitement. It's new territory for you. You've only been with a total of 4 people in your life. And you’ve never had the balls to buy something like this, not even when you wanted to pleasure yourself. Your fingers could do only so little inside you and flicking the bean, that you often ended up more frustrated with no orgasm.

“Okay, let’s try it.” You walk towards your door, locking it, and turning back to sit on your bed. “Also, when did you even buy this?”

Jimin chuckles, taking your hand as he laces his fingers with your own. “I had passed a sex shop the other day I went out to buy something else. So I got it, hid it in my room, and waited. It wasn’t easy.” he answers, watching you as you grab the vibrator again with your free hand and examine the object.

“With this much functionality, it looks expensive?”

“Oh trust me, it was. I got it in pastel pink because it’s cute just like your pussy.” He pouts, making you reflexively hit him in the arm. “I’d get anything for you, my love.”

Oh fuck, your heart is beating fast.

“Jimin, you joke a lot, but don’t say stuff like that.” You murmur, avoiding his eyes while looking at the sex toy.

“But why not? It’s true!” He tells you honestly, placing a kiss on your cheek, making you sigh at the feeling.

But what’s true? That he genuinely means you’re his love or that he’ll get you anything?

Things like this mess with your head. It makes you think things like him actually being in love with you is a possibility. But he wouldn’t fall for you. You know how Jimin has always been. Hopping from one person to another. You’re not entirely sure what feelings he has to sort out for him to be involved in this deal, but maybe the casual sex with his best friend is a temporary bliss for him to indulge in pleasure. But there is a part of you that does think otherwise.

The way he carries himself when he’s around you is much different than how he is with other girls, even previously with Irene. He’s truly himself, constantly showering you with love and physical affection even when others are looking, making you wish he could freely kiss you and fuck you senselessly. You wonder if he realizes this contrast as well. Though for him, these actions might just come natural when he’s around you. He has known you for almost a decade. Other people really don’t bat an eye at that like at the halloween party. And when you return that energy back at him, what does that really say about how you feel about Jimin?

Is this love?

Maybe the excessive release of sex hormones are getting to your head. You should just focus on indulging in the pleasure and go all out while you’re still in college. It’ll probably end sooner or later. As it should. Maybe Jimin and Yoongi should find someone else that isn’t as indecisive as you.

“Let’s try it.” you speak up, slowly handing out the toy to Jimin as his eyes widen in shock.

“Right now? Really? You looked kinda scared earlier.” he asks, eyes filled with worry but also a hidden excitement behind them.

“I did look scared, didn’t I?,” You laugh, “But I want to try this. Gotta live it up while I still can.” You assure him, giving him a slight smile he returns.

Giving you a little nod, he leans in next to you, reaching your lips for a kiss. He gives a few pecks to them, before he stands up and hovers over you. Reaching for his white collared shirt and clutching it in a fist, you pull him towards you which surprises him and causes him to stumble back.

He pins you down with his darkened eyes meanwhile a satisfied grin appears on his plump lips as your back meets the mattress. When his lips press against your jaw, neck and slowly move at the top of your blouse-covered breasts, you feel yourself arching from the bed in a desperate need to feel him more and closer. While his lips are preoccupied with your exposed skin that is available to his mouth, Jimin’s hands are too busy gripping your hips, ass.

He leans down, pulling off your pantyhose, your pencil skirt, and then your white lace panties. The sight of your bare pussy never ceases to amaze him.

“You looked hot in your professional business lady outfit, but I like seeing you without anything on.”

You giggle at his silly remark. Typical horny college student.

He presses the rose toy against your sensitive clit, and you shiver at the contact. He turns it on, the first setting of soft vibrations already sending shocks of pleasure coursing through your body.

Your breath starts to quicken as Jimin presses on to modes of vibrations, intensifying the feeling inside you. You close your eyes, feeling light-headed from the pleasure and anticipation. Meanwhile, Jimin's free hand continue to roam, exploring every inch of your body. He somehow manages to unbutton your white blouse with one hand and then pushes up your lilac floral bra to get a view of your breasts. He massages them gently, pinching your nipples up between his fingers.

As the vibrations reach a higher pitch, you can feel your body becoming more and more aroused. You’re worried that it sounds too loud, but before you can ponder it more, you moan softly, unable to resist the pleasure that's building inside you.

“F-Fuck…”

Jimin grins wickedly, his eyes never leaving your flushed face. "Feeling good, Y/N?"

You nod, unable to form words. Your body is now a mass of need, every muscle tensing and releasing in waves of pleasure.

With that, the vibration gets more intense and faster, your clit throbbing almost painfully while Jimin starts rubbing the rose at your most sensitive spot. This feeling is different – you’ve never felt this kind of pleasure before. You suddenly understand Jimin's eagerness to try something new and trying sex toys was something you never thought you'd experience. He’s truthful to his words, wanting to help you feel pleasure through different ways.

The new pleasant feeling makes your whole body shiver, or maybe it’s Jimin's dark lustful eyes hovering over with dark hair falling onto his face, or it’s a simple combination of both that takes you over the edge before you can even realize it. With another rub and skilful twist of his wrist, you’re instantly cumming undone just from the set of vibration. Legs shakingly in the air from the intensity, liquid squirting out which you never thought your body could do.

Holy shit.

Jimin rides you through it, slowing down the vibration until he fully turns it off when you're left breathless.

"How was it?" he smirks, watching your chest rise and fall as you catch your breath, waiting for you to glance back at him. “I can’t believe that made you squirt, has that ever happened to you before?”

"You're fucking crazy…” The residual tingles linger, and a sly grin crosses your face as you appreciate the Jimin’s spontaneity. “I’ve never actually squirted in my life so I guess it was that good then?”

“Really? Never?” Jimin asks, feeling prideful for being the first one to get you to squirt. “God, I wish I could brag about this.”

“Yeah, but would you please help me clean up because we yet again ruined another set of sheets.” You giggle as you get up from the wet spot, feeling cold, sticky and in need of a shower. Jimin, already an experienced cleaner, goes to grab extra bedding from your closet.

You somehow manage to survive the semester. Barely.

+++++++++++++++++++

December 8th [SATURDAY]

On Saturday, the whole house is buzzing with activity as everyone packs their luggage or duffle bags to head back home for the holidays after finals. Since all of you are from the same hometown, you've decided to carpool in the only two vehicles you have available: Jin's car, carrying Taehyung, Jungkook, and Hoseok, and Jimin's car, with you, Namjoon, and Yoongi.

As Jimin pulls up to your street, a sense of nostalgia washes over you. The familiar houses, the tree-lined streets, and the cozy neighborhood covered in Christmas decor evoke nostalgic memories. At the end of the cul-de-sac, are two houses where you and Namjoon live. Jimin and Yoongi drop you both off, bidding you goodbye for the time being.

“You won’t get rid off us for long,” Yoongi chuckles as he moves to sit on the front passenger seat, which you previously sat on. You get car sick if you’re in the back.

“Yeah, you two will see us around! Probably one more than the other.” Jimin winks at you, knowing that these words are definitely targeted at you. Namjoon has no idea of the meaning behind the words. Though you don’t know if you end up having any rendezvous with them during the break. Too risky.

“Okay, okay! You two better get home before your moms decide to call me worried about your whereabouts.” You shoo them away. “Don’t forget to text me about whatever you decide to do during break.”

“We will,” Yoongi waves to the both of you as Jimin turns the car around the cul-de-sac to leave, Namjoon and you watch as Jimin's car drives away until it disappears around the corner. The air is crisp, and the quietness of the suburban streets contrasts with the bustling holiday season. Namjoon turns to look at you, with a smile, “Well I’ll be sure to come over one of these days to hang out and send my greetings to your parents.”

You giggle at his politeness, “I know you just want to come over and eat the Christmas treats my mom is going to whip up, so yes, you’re to come over Joonie.”

The two of you share a slightly awkward silence before Namjoon breaks it with a warm hug. There's something about him embracing you in public that leaves you feeling flustered. This isn’t the first time that it has happened, but you can't help but notice the subtle reddening of your cheeks. As he pulls away, you hope he doesn't catch on, but he seems more focused on grabbing his luggage from the ground. With a quick "bye," he leaves you standing there, slightly dumbfounded.

What was that?

You shake your head, deciding to give yourself more time to think about it once you’re settled back in your room.

You approach your front door and knock. The familiar scent of home envelops you as your sister swings it open, excitement evident in her words as she wraps you in a tight hug. Stepping aside, she ushers you into the house. Your parents are at work, and won't be back until evening. Despite the months that have passed since you were last home, returning after a college break always feels a bit strange. The absence of the usual ruckus created by the other guys intensifies the void of loneliness.

In your room, you sit and stare at your phone, mindlessly scrolling through TikToks and other apps for hours. Eventually, you decide to lock your phone and gaze up at the ceiling, contemplating the different atmosphere and reflection of the fall semester in the quiet surroundings of your family home.

This is too much alone time to overthink.

It's also the first moment of peace you've had. It suddenly hits you — you're entangled with two out of your three best friends. It feels insane, and a month into this arrangement, your emotions remain tangled and unsorted. What the fuck are you going to do? There’s no game plan to this and it kind of scares you. There's also a particular aspect you've been avoiding, a name that lingers in your conscience: Namjoon.

You do feel guilt over doing this behind Namjoon's back. And a part of you hurts doing this too. It doesn’t feel right. He doesn’t deserve that either.

Now with Jimin joining this thing that you have with Yoongi, you wonder if Namjoon would be willing to do that too. You're aware that he's no longer with Jihyo, but whether he's involved with someone else, you're uncertain. The image of him on his phone during the card game flashes in your mind, but amid the chaos, you've been preoccupied with managing your own emotions and keeping everything under wraps.

No. Namjoon, the most logic-driven member in your quad and whole Beta Tau Sigma house would never. That’s like crazy. What kind of sane person is friends with benefits with three people at the same time? You can barely handle two people, let alone three. And as you had already thought before, what will the end result be? You only end up with one of them. And what about the other two?

Things would be easier if you could all be in a polyamorous relationship.

That’s only a dream though. No way that could happen when society is still iffy when it comes to sam sex relationships.

But not having Namjoon in the mix feels like you can’t properly settle things.

You don’t think Namjoon has those types of feelings or thoughts of you because he’s known you the longest. He's been there from the beginning, witnessing your growth and sharing a bond that transcends mere friendship. Family. In his eyes, you're more like a little sister, a connection resembling the one he has with his actual sibling, Kyeongmin, navigating her freshman year at a different college.

Your phone pinged unexpectedly, prompting you to check the 0309x1013 group chat.

Yoongi [4:21 PM]: Can we change the gc name to something else?

You decide to reply.

You [4:21 PM]: All of a sudden?

Yoongi [4:22 PM]: It’s too sus.

Yoongi [4:22 PM]: My brother was getting ideas when he saw my phone light up.

Yoongi [4:22 PM]: He said he saw a dating scandal break out with a group chat named with dates in Korea.

Jimin [4:23 PM]: LMAO

Jimin [4:23 PM]: I got an idea for a new name just now.

[[Jimin changed the GC name to ‘The Sanctuary’]]

Yoongi [4:25 PM]: The Sanctuary?

Jimin [4:26 PM]: It’s a SONG I really like right now.

Jimin [4:26 PM]: I think this name fits the purpose of this gc really well.

You [4:27 PM]: I like it c;

You [4:27 PM]: You guys are my sanctuary c:

Yoongi [4:29 PM]: …

Jimin [4:30 PM]: LOL not hyung being flustered. Jimin [4:30 PM]: this is too funny!! i never see him like this Yoongi [4:32 PM]: Aye....

Yoongi [4:32 PM]: She needs to stop..

Yoongi [4:32 PM]: you're being too cute honey! >:3

You find it adorable when Yoongi gets flustered, which doesn’t happen too often. You’re glad you have these two around, as close as you could possibly have them all to yourself. Is this selfish? Well isn't that what love is about? To be a bit selfish in wanting those you care about close to you? Shaking off those contemplative thoughts, you focus on the playful banter within the group chat.

++++++++++

December 10th [Monday]

On Monday morning, a text from Kyeongmin brightens your day. The invitation to join their family for some homemade kimchi is too tempting to resist. You slip out of your pajamas, opting for flared jeans and a cozy turtleneck, then head next door.

Kyeongmin greets you with a warm hug, exclaiming, "Unnie! It's been a while! How have you been?" She gestures for you to come inside, and you gladly accept.

"I've been good! It's been an eventful semester, to say the least," you reply. As you step in, Namjoon's mom, Mrs. Kim, peeks out from the kitchen.

"Namjoon hasn't been giving you a hard time, has he?" she teases. You smile at her, appreciating the familiarity of the Kim family home.

"Hi, Mrs. Kim! At the start, I would say he was, but he's been good. How are you doing?" you ask, approaching her.

"I'm doing good, sweetheart. I'm glad Joonie has been a good sport," she replies. Mrs. Kim hands you chopsticks with a piece of kimchi, urging you to eat. You gladly oblige, savoring the familiar taste.

"Thank you! Luckily, Yoongi and Seokjin were in charge of cooking, so we were able to eat well," you share.

"Is Oppa still a terrible cook?" Kyeongmin snickers as she chewed a mouthful of food.

"Haha, actually, he's been improving, thanks to Yoongi. He can make really good carbonara now," you giggle as you praise Namjoon, who coincidentally enters the dining room and takes a seat.

"Oh, Y/N, you're here!" he exclaims in a sleepy voice. Dressed in a black tank top and grey sweatpants, he seems to have just woken up.

"Did you really just wake up?" you tease.

"Yeah, because I was resting. The whole point of the break, Honey,"

"I like to be more productive with my breaks, Joonie," you smirk, earning an eye roll from Namjoon.

Mrs. Kim ushers you to join Namjoon at the table, setting up an array of banchan in front of both of you before placing bowls of Doenjang-jjigae as well.

"So, what's the move for today?" you ask.

"I had plans to go meet up with someone," Namjoon replies.

"Someone?" you inquire.

"Was it that girl you were on the phone with last night?" Kyeongmin adds, and Namjoon chokes on his kimchi.

"Kyeong!"

You can't help but wonder if your suspicions about Namjoon seeing someone are accurate.

"What? There's no reason for you to be hiding that from Y/N. She's your best friend, after all," Kyeongmin remarks. Her words strike a chord in your heart.

"I'm not seeing anyone, Kyeong. Y/N would be the first to know if I was, right, Y/N?" Namjoon looks at you.

You hum, "Mm, I don't know, Namjoon. You didn't tell me about you and Jihyo until October." Namjoon’s eyes widen at the mention of his technically ex-girlfriend in front of his sister. His mom is too occupied looking for something in the pantry to hear.

"Oh my God, you had a girlfriend?!" Kyeongmin gasps.

"Well…" Namjoon clears his throat, "We ended things before we made it official."

"Why?" Kyeongmin looks at both of you, hoping for an explanation.

"It's complicated," he vaguely replies, and the topic is dropped. The room falls into a brief silence as you all continue to eat.

"Y/N, are you seeing someone?" Mrs. Kim asks as she enters the dining room with more kimchi.

"N-No," you stammer, catching Namjoon's eyes. "I've been focused on my studies too much to look for love."

"Oh, you're such a studious girl," she praises, patting your back. "I was thinking of setting you up with my friend's son. His name is Lee Dongmin. He goes to a lovely private university down south. You'd love him!"

"Mom," Namjoon warns, a certain look in his eyes.

Trying to lighten the situation, you giggle, "Thank you, Mrs. Kim. I'll think about it and let you know."

After finishing your meal, washing the dishes, and bidding farewell to the Kim family, you return home. As Mrs. Kim closes the door, Namjoon heads back to his room, avoiding eye contact.

"I see you still get jealous," his mom observes, aware of the feelings Namjoon harbors for you.

He shakes his head, "I don't think it would be a good idea."

"Why do you say that?"

"I just know that Yoongi and Jimin probably feel the same way. Maybe even more guys at school feel the same way too. I don't know how I compare to them," he admits, leaving his mother sighing in the living room over her son's reluctance to express his feelings.

++++++++++++++++

December 12th [Wednesday]

It's around noon on December 12th, a Wednesday, when Namjoon decides to surprise you with an unannounced visit. He has a habit of dropping by unexpectedly, assuming you wouldn't have any weekday plans during winter break. However, today, he's in for a surprise himself.

Expecting to find you in your usual winter break attire – Christmas green and blue plaid pajama pants and a band t-shirt – he's taken aback. Your eyes light up at the sight of him, clearly not anticipating his presence. Namjoon sneaks a glance at your outfit, a grey roll neck knit sweater dress paired with thigh-high black felt boots. He quickly shifts his gaze back to your face, hoping you didn't catch him checking you out. Are you actually dressed to go out?

"O-Oh hey, Joon! What's up?" you greet him.

"Hey, uh, I came over to hang out with you, but I see you have plans?"

"Oh, um," you look down at your well-put-together outfit, a bit embarrassed he caught you dressed up, "I had plans to hang out with Yoongi, actually, but something came up, so now I'm dressed up to be at home."

Yoongi? Fuck. His mind briefly flits to bad thoughts of you two together, but he quickly dismisses it. We're all friends here. Yoongi wouldn't do that. Still, his insecurities have been getting the better of him lately.

"Yoongi?" Namjoon sounds more surprised than he intended.

"Yeah, we were going to go out shopping for Christmas gifts," you explain. Namjoon mentally sighs in relief. "But his mom is dragging him to help with some church fundraising event selling soondae soup."

Namjoon makes a mental note to thank Mrs. Min silently. This unexpected turn of events gives him the chance to hang out with you alone for the first time in forever.

"So what I'm hearing is that you're free?" he teases, leaning against the doorway and looking at you.

"Depends," you pucker your lips in thought, "What did you have in mind?"

Namjoon knows you're mostly a homebody, except for those spontaneous bursts of energy. He treads carefully with his suggestion, aware that one wrong move could lead you to decline his invitation. But there's one thing he's pretty sure you won't refuse.

"Want to get boba?"

"Boba?!" Bingo. Your eyes widen with excitement. "Is it from the place I'm thinking of?"

“Tea-cha!” You both exclaim in unison. Tea-cha is a familiar spot, closely located to the neighborhood where you both reside. It holds sentimental value, being the place you both frequented after school back in your high school. The boba might not be that great, but he knows the pure nostalgia makes you crave it whenever you're back home.

"Just like old times," Namjoon remarks, gazing deeply into your eyes. A dark, coffee like color that glistens stars made up of tiny sugar crystals. Always mesmerizing, he thinks to himself.

"Okay, but I'll drive!" you offer, grabbing the keys and your bag hanging on the hooks next to your door. "I can't believe you still don't have your license after all this time." You laugh, but he's always been apprehensive about the prospect of getting into an accident. With all his friends driving, he hasn't felt the urgent need to obtain a license.

"Shut up, tiny. I'll get it someday."

+++++++++++++++

You navigate your trusty black sedan while Namjoon occupies the passenger seat, engrossed in scrolling through his phone to peruse the menu.

Arriving at Tea-cha, he takes the initiative to place your order: strawberry green tea with honey boba, 25% sweetness, and light ice. He beams with pride about knowing your preferred drink, and you can't help but giggle at his enthusiasm. For himself, he opts for a roasted oolong milk tea with honey boba. As you reach for your card to settle the bill, he swiftly taps his own card on the machine.

Already using up gas and driving, covering the boba tab is the least he could do.

After securing your boba drinks, you decide to take a trip down memory lane and drive to your old high school.

Sitting in the empty student parking lot, Namjoon cues up his favorite playlist, guided by your impeccable taste in music. "Ride" by HYBS fills the car, creating a nostalgic atmosphere as you sip your drinks and gaze out at the familiar football field. The landscape around is serene, with birds gliding by and the leafless trees standing against the winter chill.

As the soft melodies of the playlist envelop the car, your conversation with Namjoon takes on a myriad of trivial topics. From discussing the latest quirky memes circulating on the internet to reminiscing about the absurdities of his high school years, the range of subjects is as diverse as your friendship.

At one point, you find yourselves debating the merits of various fast-food items, playfully arguing over the supremacy of McDonald's fries versus Burger King's onion rings. Namjoon can't help but chuckle at your passionate defense.

The conversation then shifts to your shared love for classic literature, with Namjoon excitedly recommending a new novel he recently discovered. You, in turn, share your fascination with a contemporary author you had just discovered during your break. Namjoon made a mental note to get you a book by them for Christmas.

The triviality of the topics is what makes these moments special to him, like exchanging anecdotes about your friends or laughing about the virginity race from high school.

You asked, curiosity evident in your eyes, "Speaking of people, who did you end up seeing on Monday?"

The question catches Namjoon off guard. He wasn’t trying to hide who he was going to go see, but also didn’t want to give you the wrong idea.

"Oh, uh, I met up with Soyoon," he carefully admits, the words carrying a sharp feeling as he voice them out.

"Soyoon? As in my coworker and friend, Hwang Soyoon?"

"Yeah," he responds, sensing a shift in the atmosphere. A fleeting thought crossed his mind— maybe that wasn’t a good idea. He mentally curses Kyeongmin for bringing it up on Monday and you hearing it.

"Shit," he mutters internally, realizing that this could imply that he likes Soyoon. He fidgeted, contemplating the consequences of his openness.

"Ah, didn't know she was your type," you remark casually, resuming the rhythmic sip of your drink. There it is. The one thing he knew you’d jump to conclude.

"I said I'm not seeing anyone," he protests, a hint of defensiveness in his tone. "We're just talking." He tries to steer the conversation away from misconceptions, emphasizing his purely platonic interactions with Soyoon.

You, however, narrow your eyes, a gesture that did not escape Namjoon's notice. "About ART! She’s helping me with something." he clarifies.

"Okay, Joonie, whatever you say," you respond, your tone carrying a subtle playfulness.

The conversation takes an unforeseen turn when Namjoon, succumbing to an unspoken frustration, poses a question he instantly regrets.

"What about you? Dressing up all cute to hang out with Yoongi?" The words slipped out, revealing an undercurrent of bitterness at the perceived shift in your priorities.

A sharp pang lingers within him. You've been spending more time with Yoongi and Jimin, which is starting to create a growing distance visible in his eyes.

He still remembers when Yoongi called him out back at Jimin’s birthday for not knowing your favorite drink. He still remembers when he saw you dancing giddily across the room with Jimin at Matthew’s halloween party. He still remembers hearing you, Yoongi, and Jimin laughing and talking from inside your room before he went up to call you over to the living room. He feels like an outsider these days, observing you in the light as he stands in the darkness, feeling pathetic and alone.

"It’s just Yoongi, Namjoon," you sigh, your feet shifting nervously, "Why are you always so overprotective of me?"

Because I don’t want to lose you to someone else.

Because I am actually in love with you?

And the thought of you being with someone else pisses me the fuck off.

Those are phrases running through Namjoon’s mind as he struggles with this dilemma, but doesn’t have the guts to say to you or anyone for that matter. Didn’t Jihyo say to get his shit sorted out? He’s really fucking up by remaining complacent to his current lifestyle because he is scared of getting you hurt.

The honesty in your response strikes a chord in him, but his internal fights find expression as he admits, "I’m sorry. It’s just, there’s been a lot on my mind lately. I feel like I don’t really know you anymore."

You register Namjoon's words with a mix of surprise and concern, the air around you heavy with unspoken tension. It's a moment suspended in the confines of your car, and Namjoon feels the weight of his own admission.

"I mean, everything's changed since we got to college, and it's not just with relationships or whatever," Namjoon continues, his eyes drifting to the nostalgia-inducing surroundings of your high school parking lot. “And I just…I've noticed you acting differently, feeling distant from me and I don't know how to navigate that." Namjoon admits, a hint of vulnerability seeping into his voice. His gaze searches your face for a sign, a cue that would unravel the mystery behind your recent actions.

You remain quiet, your eyes reflecting a complexity that eludes him. He fears pushing too hard, sensing that any additional pressure might push you further away. The car feels heavy with internal thoughts, the music’s hum a backdrop to the charged atmosphere.

"I guess I've been feeling…alone," Namjoon continues, his fingers tracing an absent pattern on the boba cup. "And seeing you with Yoongi, Jimin, and everyone, it's like…like the pieces don't fit the way they used to."

Your eyes soften, registering the sincerity in his words. A sense of deja vu in his words from a similar feeling from nights ago that he doesn’t know. Yet, there's a hesitancy, a wall that has grown between you two, making Namjoon wonder if it's a chasm that can be bridged.

"I know it's not fair to expect things to stay the same. We're all changing, I get that," he confesses, the weight of unspoken sentiments settling in the space between you, "But it feels like I'm losing you."

The admission lingers in the air.

"I felt the same way, actually," you confess, the words breaking the heavy silence. “When you started to talking to Jihyo last year and then you two sleeping with each other, even when Jimin started to get more invested in his relationship with Irene… I was feeling so left out.”

Namjoon wasn’t aware you felt that way. He left you with Yoongi, because Yoongi was someone he trusted would protect you. He wasn’t sure if Yoongi liked you in a romantic sense, but then at some point, he became worried he could’ve changed his mind.

”But I had Yoongs with me, and while it was a rough few months, he was always there to save me from falling into a dark void.”

Namjoon remembers the first time you fell into that dark void. You had become close friends with Yeonjun during your senior year as you both competed to be in the top 10 of your graduating class. You then invited him as your date to Seokjung’s wedding to spite Namjoon who had brought a date himself. He didn’t think you two were seeing each other until he saw you two kiss in the garden outside the reception. For some reason, that sight tore his heartstrings and debunked his previous thoughts.

Then the day he had gone up to campus to help you move into the dorm was the day he decided to end things. He’s still not sure why. Though, Namjoon hated that fucker for deciding to do that right as you were starting your new life. Yoongi saw it happen and was the first to comfort you. Then him and Jimin rushed to your aid as they went to buy snacks to celebrate the move-in. Yeonjun was lucky he wasn’t going to the same college as you. Namjoon would’ve made his life a living hell until the kid dropped out or transferred.

”So please don’t feel that way Namjoon. You have me. You have Yoongi, Jimin, everyone in the house and even those not living there. You have Soyoon too.”

Soyoon. She was a nice girl, different from Jihyo and you. Against the norms and all for breaking boundaries in art. He relates to that. He could have fallen for her if his heart wasn’t deadset on you. It’s been that way for years and he didn’t want to keep running from you anymore. Soyoon was actually helping him find the chance to tell you.

Namjoon absorbs your words, his mind processing the layers of emotion and revelation that have unfolded in this unexpected conversation. The honesty you've shared lays bare the intricacies of your feelings, illuminating a side of your experience he hadn't fully comprehended.

"I appreciate you saying that, Y/N," Namjoon begins, his voice sincere. "I never realized the impact my actions had on you. I guess I was so caught up in my own struggles that I didn't see how it affected you."

Namjoon finds himself drawing closer to you, the subtle shift in his posture closing the physical distance between you two. He can feel the warmth radiating from your presence, a comfort that transcends words. In the quietude of shared history, he inches closer, his gaze locked onto your warm coffee eyes.

"You've always been my constant, Y/N," he murmurs, the sincerity in his voice threaded with vulnerability. "making me feel grounded when I become overwhelmed."

The words lingers in the small space between you, and as his eyes meet yours, there's an understanding. Namjoon's hand instinctively reaches up, fingers gently brushing a strand of hair from your face. The touch is tender, a silent acknowledgment of the unspoken connection that has woven itself through the tapestry of your friendship.

A soft blush graces your cheeks, an involuntary reaction to the proximity that leaves Namjoon captivated by your charm. He finds your bashfulness endearing.

The air is charged with a different energy, one that goes beyond friendship and borders of emotions you can’t pinpoint. Yet, in this delicate dance of shared frustrations and questions, Namjoon chooses to tread carefully, aware that some feelings are better left unsaid for now. The car becomes a cocoon, shielding you both from the world outside, as the echoes of lost words reverberate in the uncharted space between friends.

"I think we should head back…" you say, breaking the subtle tension that had wrapped around you both. The vulnerability shared in this moment needs time to settle, and the familiar grounds of your past are safer than the uncharted territories you've inadvertently explored.

Namjoon nods, his hand gently retracting from its intimate proximity.

“Y-Yeah, definitely.” He stutters, which isn’t a common thing for him. You find that cute though.

The drive back to your neighborhood is filled with a comfortable silence, punctuated by the occasional shared laughter about random memories of this town you lived in. The tension seems to dissipate gradually, replaced by the comforting familiarity that defines your friendship.

Once you arrive back at your place, Namjoon remains seated for a moment, his gaze fixed on the steering wheel. "Thanks for today," he says, his tone carrying a mix of gratitude and contemplation.

"It was nice, Joon," you reply, your eyes meeting his briefly. The sentiments still linger, like shadows dancing on the periphery, but for now, anything outside this boundary remain untouched.

++++++++++++++

December 25th [Tuesday]

The days leading up to Christmas are packed with plans, with you bustling through holiday preparations. You find yourself going out more than usual, whether it's Christmas gift shopping with Yoongi for the guys or joining the late birthday dinner for Jin at his favorite local Koreatown BBQ place. Amidst the festivities, you occasionally run into Namjoon, sharing dinners with Mrs. Kim or your own family. The Sanctuary group chat keeps you entertained during the quieter moments.

Despite the festive busyness, there are times when you find yourself alone, lost in your thoughts. The echo of Namjoon's words hangs in the air, a revelation that caught you off guard. As you navigate through the hustle and bustle of the season, you can't help but confront the questions swirling in your mind.

A childish part of you feels a strange satisfaction knowing that Namjoon experienced the same loneliness he unwittingly subjected you to earlier in the semester. Yet, there's a deeper, more somber emotion beneath the surface. Each sigh you let out seems to spawn more questions than answers. What are you even doing right now, playing with your own heart while sleeping with your own best friends? You feel like you’re wasting their time and feelings as well. Another thought lingers in your mind: What if, in the midst of all this, you realize you had feelings for Namjoon all along? What’s going to happen then?

"Y/N? Did you want some of the treats my dad made?" Jihyun's voice breaks through your thoughts, and you glance up to find Jimin's younger brother peering at you. Embarrassment flushes your cheeks; you forgot you're at Jimin's house for Christmas. Losing yourself in contemplation in public and getting caught feels mortifying. You realize you need to figure things out soon.

"Jihyun! Sorry, I was lost in thought," you apologize, the embarrassment evident in your voice. "I'll take the blueberry scone! Thank you." The younger boy smiles, handing you the pastry with a napkin. As he continues offering treats to others in the house, you marvel at the holiday spirit that envelopes Jimin's home.

The living room, adorned with twinkling lights and holiday decorations, seems to come alive with excitement. Plush cushions and throws add a cozy touch to the seating arrangement. Jimin's mom, still in the kitchen, contributes to the festive atmosphere with her cheerful hums and the clinking of utensils. The aroma of holiday spices wafts through the air, creating a comforting and welcoming environment. It's a perfect setting for friends to gather and celebrate the joyous season.

"So January 19, we’re going camping?" Taehyung words catch onto your radar in the midst of you looking around at the decor.

"Huh? What? Camping?" You blurt out in surprise, prompting a sigh from Taehyung. You need to stop spacing out.

"Yeah, camping. We’ve talked about this before!" Jungkook exclaims, his eyes lighting up with enthusiasm. "Taehyung wants us to go on a frat retreat."

"Oh, well, sorry, I’ve had a lot on my mind before, so I didn’t know," you reply, your gaze shifting to Yoongi and Jimin, who exchange unreadable glances. They quickly look away when you catch them.

"It’s gonna be us, but if you want to invite your lady friends, you can." Jin comments, taking a sip of his spiced tea with a contented smile.

"Uh, sure, I can invite Hwasa, Jieun, Soohyun, and Soyoon—" You pause, a sudden awareness of Namjoon's secret rendezvous with Soyoon making you hesitate. Unsure if it's appropriate to invite her, you choose your words carefully.

It seems Namjoon has similar thoughts, and he responds, "That’s a fine group." Maybe he had already discussed it with her. The realization hits you: why are you only finding out about this camping trip now?

"Then it’s settled! We’re going camping!" Hoseok yelps in excitement, wrapping his arms around Tae and Jungkook. The room buzzes with energy, filled with the anticipation.

However you can't shake the worry gnawing at your thoughts.

As the evening unfolds, you contemplate the upcoming camping trip, wondering if it will provide answers or only deepen the complexities within your friend group.

tbc :O a/n: we've made it halfway through!!! YAY! we finally got namjoon's perspective in here. camping chapter is up next! that will be loosely based on an irl experience i had going on an MT TRIP with my club back in college!! smack down in the winter during those 3 day weekends we get in january/february. Anyone have any thoughts or theories? i'd love to heart about them so lmk hehehe thank you all for reading!

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avissapiens · 5 months

Text

Jockbull Summer Week 3 Set A (26/11/23-2/12/23)

Model is Tsonghan Wu

The Highest score this week is 39 in one go. I kept hitting an unfortunate timing block where I keep having push up days directly after my Chest gym sessions. In those I'd usually struggle to get to about 30. But I'd do Pause push ups to make up for the lapse. Those feel so good. Another benefit of this is the constant failure and progressive overload is exploding my chest. In 3 weeks of doing these in addition to MURDERING Push days, my pecs have grown so much. Gonna have a whole library shelf by the end of the summer.

This one was a bit of a bust this week. My bro’s were out sick or busy so i couldn’t challenge them to anything. And I just didn’t have a chance to do the non-muscle comps either. No one was around. Anyone out there wanna offer themselves up as my Anime rival? Come on. Make me wanna beat you, pussies. All challengers welcome. Give me the pleasure of victory or the drive of defeat.

2nd piece of clothing gone. I’m happy this one bit the dust. It’s an old one that i got in about 2019. I thought it was good cause I liked the feel of flow-y oversized clothes. But as time’s gone on I realize that this shirt actively makes me dysmorphic. The Horizontal stripes. The Monocrome washing me out. The way it hangs off my body and disguises any growth. The old discoloration reminding me of much worse times. I’m happy to throw this away. If I was more wasteful I'd fucking burn it. But some schmuck at a charity shop can have it instead.

Dude’s I’m so fucking good at this accent lol. If I ever move to another country again i’m making this my default. Had so many chances to practice and show it off. A whole hour long chat with jockrs, a half hour call with my bro @jocksupremacy, A jock NPC in a game i run, Even showed it off a tiny bit on a date with this cute dude. I get such euphoria from hearing how i sound with it. Maybe i should consider Cali for my postgrad. Come for the school, stay for the Venice Beach muscle bro culture and frat parties.

This show is dumb as fuck and I love it! It’s also so fucking gay and you can’t tell me there isn’t something a little fruity about all the gymbros latching onto this the way that they did.

No new Gym bros, but lots of opportunities to chat with the ones i’ve already got. Which is progress in and of itself. Adrian comes and talks and I actually had an opportunity to help him train his triceps cause he was doing cable Pushdowns so wrong. I sometimes feel a little lecherous admiring the muscle of my gym bros because it is such a strong erotic factor for me. But there’s also so much of just pure aesthetic appreciation for all the ways these men are beautiful and astonishing. The small details in every growing body. The appreciation and glory in someone’s normal appearance that you can only really appreciate in person, looking in their eyes.

#JBS #Jockbull summer #jock #bull

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sunscreenstudies · 6 months

Text

Simple Tips to Read More

1. Set a Reading Goal: Challenge yourself to read a certain number of pages or books each week. Having a goal keeps you motivated.

2. Prioritize Reading Time: Dedicate a specific time for reading each day. It could be in the morning, during breaks, or before bed.

3. Carry a Book Everywhere: Keep a book or e-reader with you at all times. You'd be surprised how many pages you can sneak in during idle moments.

4. Create a Reading Nook: Design a cozy reading nook with comfy chairs, good lighting, and a side table for your books and a cup of tea.

5. Make a Reading List: Create a list of books you want to read. It's like having a reading roadmap.

6. Join a Book Club: Engaging in discussions with fellow readers can inspire you to read more and discover new genres.

7. Limit Screen Time: Reduce the time spent on screens, especially social media and streaming services, to make room for reading.

8. Read What You Love: Don't force yourself to read something you're not interested in. Choose books that genuinely intrigue you.

9. Audiobooks and Podcasts: If you have a busy schedule, listen to audiobooks or book-related podcasts while commuting or doing chores.

10. Set Realistic Expectations: Life can get busy. It's okay if you can't read a book a week. Read at your own pace.

11. Combine Activities: Combine hobbies with reading. For example, listen to a book while working out or cooking.

12. Public Libraries: Make use of your local library. It's a treasure trove of free books and resources.

13. Breaks for Books: Instead of scrolling through your phone during breaks, pick up a book.

14. Reread Favorites: Reread books you love. It's like visiting an old friend.

15. Track Your Progress: Keep a reading journal to record your thoughts and track your reading progress.

#bookblr #bookstagram #studyblr #reading #how to read more

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asherloki · 8 months

Note

supp :) im the person that requested the 12 & 35 prompts a bit ago

ofc u can do fluff and/or dom sherlock omg!

dom!reader is just my pref and idk the prompts were low-key giving beginning of smut to me, but i fr dont mind, u have full creative freedom and u obviously kno more than me bc of ur previous (amazing) writing :)

tysm for considering my request and have a great day/night! <3

My saviour

Bbc Sherlock x reader

Word count:- 3k

Warning:- light smut, but mostly fluff.

Prompt list here !

A/n:- ah finally I'm back! And I hope you like it!

" I'll take it" I said entering detective inspector lestrade's office. He and his whole team was clueless when it came to the mysterious disappearance of Mr Hazelwood. Even though I wasn't the first choice for the case, one can never be, when the greatest detective of the world is inspector's closest acquaintance. Well, acquaintance is past, now he's closest friend. Can you even imagine, the brilliant genius being his friend meant, almost no case for me to solve. I don't even have an assistant, there's definitely less opportunity for me to show I'm capable of solving mysteries too. Maybe not as brilliant as him, the one who stood infront of the inspector as I walked in, he turned to me and I must say, being a detective myself, it always made me like the wise people, and that meant... I fancied the detective, yes the one who's my professional rival.

"you don't understand," lestrade said looking at me, "I want Sherlock to solve it". This stupid comment made my blood boil, again, another oppertunity lost, ofcourse he can't let this interesting case go.

"no, I'm not taking it" I was stunned as Sherlock Holmes stated this, 'why not' I wondered but lestrade said it out loud,

"and why not?"

Sherlock sighed in response and rubbed his forehead with his fingers as if he was disturbed with lestrade constantly urging him to solve a case he doesn't want to, "it's too boring, rather easy for me Gavin".

'Same old genius' I thought as he mis pronounced lestrade's name again, I must say lestrade's frustration made me kinda giggle but I controlled it.

"If it's that easy then solve it" he still requested, almost begged him.

"you must use some of your brain too inspector" replied Sherlock and I agreed, "or" he said turning to me and my heart started to beat faster I could hear it in my ear, "this young lady is willing to take it, give her a chance".

What did I just heard, Sherlock siding me?

"ugh fine" saying so lestrade turned to me, "I assigne you, for the case now I want it to be solved in two weeks".

"TWO WEEKS?" I asked loudly enough for my voice to echo through the office, "isn't it too.. less inspector?" I asked as calmly as I could, you have to when you're still struggling to get known.

"yes, it's easy as Sherlock said, solve it, and if you need help I bet he can, he's already solved it in his fucking mind palace". I see where the anger was coming from, it was inspector being frustrated by the rejection of Mr brilliant.

"here you go" said Sherlock as he was about to pass by me, I wanted to thank him, or say something sweet infact nice but me being me, I regretted what I said, "scared?"

He raised his brows at my comment, I deserved it, then shaking his head he said, "we'll see how you solve it in two weeks without my help young lady".

I squinted my eyes at his challenge. But he went out of the office. I took the challenge in my mind, however I was unsure, I knew it's gonna be difficult, but I can't lose. It's my only chance.

_________________________________________

As I checked my progress after one week, I knew I'm gonna lose this challenge terribly. First, I had this rush which messed up my method and second, this Mr brilliant challenging me, that I can't do it on my own. Which was slowly turning out to be true. I got up from my sofa where I was lying and thinking, and grabbed my coat, my intention was to go to spot from where Mr Hazelwood was missing and inspect it thoroughly. So I took the bus, I know, poor little detective and went to the spot. While inspecting I felt someone watching over me. You know the feeling you get when you're being watched. I turned around and there were no one looking at me, yet again there was this feeling,

"told you, you need my help". I was startled as the heavy (sexy) voice said it, from behind. And no wonder I found Mr brilliant standing.

"what are you doing here, it's my case to solve" I knew I should've been a bit nice but it just came out to be very..

"rude" he replied, "very rude, I'm trying to help you".

"and why the fu..."

"gosh, kids these days" he said shaking his head.

"did you just called me a kid?"

"have you seen your height?"

"I'm sorry I'm not as tall as you and that doesn't mean.."

"as me? you're not even tall..AT ALL" his face remained expression less.

"who's being rude now, and how come you found me?"

"tracked your phone."

He said what? "you're spying on me?"

"a little girl, solving mystery on her own and at night, I must take care.."

"why do you care?" I might've said that but in my head I asked, 'you care? about me? why? who am I to you, genius?'.

"nothing," he got frustrated with me I knew, "if you change your mind, then... Baker Street" he pointed to the way he headed off to, leaving me on the street, alone, rather I pushed him away. I didn't want to, but it's me, why do you think I don't have an assistant? I work alone, so I don't look weak. Yet my phone's calendar told me it's one week to go, and if I can't solve.... No no I can and I have to... alone.

________________________________________

And then there left three days, till now I've matched some dots and it confirmed, he wasn't kidnapped, no one conspired against him, so whatever happened to him he was involved. Now this second part of the mystery held lots of troubles, and to solve them in three days was near impossible. My mind kept telling me to reach to him, you know, Mr brilliant. But it was embarrassing, however I had no other way,

"okay, time to throw my self respect" I said to myself gesturing with my hand as if throwing trash bag, "here I come, Sherlock Holmes".

All my way I just wished, "please stay at the flat, please stay at home, please detective" and there I was at his door.

I inhaled a deep breath and tapped my knuckles on his door.

"it's unlocked" replied a different voice, from inside.

'Oh no, John watson is there, I'm fucked' now I had to be embarrassed to both of these men, anyway I have threw my self respect away.

I opened the door and entered, the scene was... well... interesting I believe, John Watson was on his laptop and detective was sitting on his sofa, eyes closed, hands clasped.

"may I?" I asked Dr watson, because he looked a little sane.

"yes" he replied me and turned to Sherlock, "she came".

"who?" he enquired, his deep voice even deeper, eyes still closed and hands still clasped together, touching his chin.

"young lady". Replied John watson and Sherlock's eyes were flung open.

"is that what you call me?" I couldn't help but ask him.

"any problem?" he asked.

"I'm not here to argue with you, I want.." shit! now the embarrassing part, "I need, your help".

"oh I see, Mr Hazelwood?" I nodded, "still on it? wasn't it easy?"

"if it were then why would I ask your help?" he was getting on my nerves I tell you.

"fine sit" he said and I checked around me.

"where?" there wasn't any place near him but a sofa far in the other end of the living room.

"oh there?" I said pointing to it.

"no here" he brought out a rusty chair for me to sit.

"but it's for the clients" objected Dr watson, he's really sane.

"you know what? I'm fine just help me out". I need help from him and nothing else. Well sometimes I think if I could have something else but hey, professionalism.

"yes now let me explain, before that tell me how far you've got". I explained him everything and out of my utter surprise he got up from his sofa to his work board and offered me to sit there. Why's he being so... kind?

"now let me tell you what exactly happened" and he explained it was all Mr Hazelwood's plan, he intentionally disappeared, he's not dead but roaming around disguised.

"woah!" I couldn't help but praise him, it's not like I don't admire him. I do more than that, I respect him and perhaps... I like him a little too, "so how do we catch him?".

"it's not your duty to do so, you give all the evidence and theories to Scotland yard and order them to find him" he suggested.

"order them? me?" I am not very... influencial am I?

"yes, look they insulted you by not respecting your potential, now it's your time".

His motivational speech filled me with self respect again, the one I threw for him.

"yes" I said with such confidence and then I lost it again, "would you come with me... please?" now still cringe at the thought of me actually giving him puppy eyes and pleading but he agreed.

We entered lestrade's office, one day left till the deadline for me and I explained everything to him.

"seems like Sherlock helped you" said sally, stupid bi... no control yourself.

"I didn't, we met at the gate, I came here for the case I'm taking care of" lied the detective, I must admit, his lying skill was pretty good.

"anyway " said lestrade, "if you really did it on your own then.."

It felt so bad, to be taking credit of Sherlock's work, I didn't solve it all, I don't lie, so I,

"Sally is right" I admitted.

"no she isn't " Sherlock warned me.

"she is, she is lestrade. I solved half of it, it was solved by Sherlock Holmes himself. Yes he helped me, but I could've done it on my own, if I had some more time."

They were all silent for some time, I feared looking at Sherlock, he'd be fuming at me by now.

"I guess we were putting unnecessary pressure on you" said the inspector softly, "fine, you'll solve another one for us".

This second chance made my lips curve into a smile and Sherlock approved with a nod.

We both went out of there, and we laughed and talked all our way to his house, why was I going there? I don't know, I kept on walking with him and he never pushed me away. In between he'd often brush hair off my forehead or take my hand while crossing the road. I wonder why, not that I mind though.

We even went straight to his living room and it was awfully quiet.

"where is Dr watson?" I enquired.

"he's out, he messaged me, he's picking Rosie from school". Then he told me everything about john and his daughter, even his deceased wife Mary.

"Mary sounds like a wonderful, brave, strong woman" I replied.

"she was, she was strongest and absolute boss of us" he spoke in way that showed how much he admired her and how much John Watson and Rosie means to him.

"if only I were capable of doing things on my own" I didn't want to say so but it just came out, it sounded sad.

"why not? if you were weak you would've been living with your parents, you have family, house, friends in here yet you chose be on your own, you don't have any assistant, you solve cases by yourself too, how much more strong do you wanna be?" his words felt good didn't they?

"you helped me" I reminded him.

"only this time" accompanied by his beautiful smile.

"if I need help again in solving mystery? will you help me?" I was starting to let my guards down, I may have started to trust him.

"if you want me to, ofcourse" His smile never left his lips but my phone rang and it indicated it was time to leave his flat, for now.

"I have to go" I kind of asked his permission before going.

"if you have to then... be careful okay?" ain't he little too careful for me? I liked it, I like being taken care of, perhaps he's not wrong I really am a kid.

___________________________________

Days turned to months and one case turned to three. I took his help for three cases, call me dumb but I enjoy his company, for some reason I've noticed he does too.

After solving the third one I first went to his flat with him, both of us giggling at the fact that sally was so disappointed that I actually got recognised for my consecutive three wins, ofcourse with Mr brilliant by my side.

"it's late Sherlock, I have to go home" I said checking my watch.

"John's gonna be out tonight he has some patients to take care of, Rosie is with molly, so you can stay here tonight."

He might've said casually but it's HIM saying to ME. I already liked him, after these eight months of solving cases together I think I can say I... I'm in love with him. He's so caring for me, or maybe for all but I liked it.

"will you?" he asked again, popping my thought bubble.

"oh no nothing I was just ... fine I'll stay" I agreed, with my heart in my hand, he might spare his room for me but I wanted something else, a little kiss maybe... I think I fell in love, with the great detective.

"good" and with this he went inside, and came with his dressing gown draped over him, if I were a cat I would've drooled visibly, but I drooled, just no one could see it. He looked incredibly... domestic and it was hot. I just wanted to cuddle him, play with his hair, kiss him... oh! that was hot.

"Sherlock?" I asked.

"yes?" he answered, offering me something. It was a chocolate, I rolled my eyes.

"I'm not a kid" I complaint "I'm a grown up adult in my early twenties."

"I know, but I thought you may like it." well I do like chocolates, so unwrapping it I took a bite. And it was a bad idea told by Mr brilliant's laughter, the chocolate melted and it covered my mouth.

"funny?" I teased.

"very" he said between laughters.

"don't laugh, I bite people" I joked, yet I do have this tendency to bite my close ones,

"oh do you? that's... unique". he replied.

"I'm gonna wash my lips wait" as I got up, I felt his arm catching me by wrist. My heart gave me a signal, it's your chance.

"what?" turning to him I said, I little seductively.

He said nothing but took some of the chocolate from my lips with his finger and put it in his mouth, licking his finger clean.

My senses went wild. I stood frozen.

"you know what?" he asked me, and my mind told me, 'say something, don't look dumb'.

"wh-what?" I said.

"I've always wanted you this close. Never knew if I'd ever have you. I'm.." he trailed off " you're young and beautiful, I'm just an old detective"

'youre anything but old, actually even if you are older than me, I like it, I love it, you're older and sexier, caring as well" I thought.

"I just wanted to make sure you're taken care of. and I..." he trailed off.

"say it" I wanted to hear the words he couldn't let himself speak.

"I love you, with all my heart, have always loved you, and will always do, I sometimes went to Scotland yard casually for maybe to get a glimpse of you, coming to the office, smiling, all jolly, like a ray of sunshine " his lips curved into a smile reminiscing it perhaps, "since the day your eyes fell on me I have loved you, for who you are, you never had to be anything you're not, I love for all the things you are and all the things you're not, I'd see you noticing me too and you're disgust was clear".

"Sherlock" I started, "it wasn't disgust, a pretence, so you don't find out I like you too, infact now I can say I love you and not for your intelligence I admire that but I love you for being a good human to me, I can see, you love me, you care, you protect and you even adore me."

"you know?" he was surprised, "well then, I'm glad, may I kiss you?"

I nodded, and he crashed his lips on mine, letting the kiss go hungrier until he pulled away and asked,

"should we? you want to? with me?"

I understood what he meant,

"yes, I do"

"I'm not that experienced" he replied.

"neither am I"

we giggled at our lesser experience, we both are so engulfed into mystery solving that sex or love barely crossed our mind. I know not how he pulled me and I wrapped my legs around his waist, but we did and we went to his room kissing still.

One can say I was nervous and I knew so was he but he didn't seem so. The way he marked my neck and the way his fingers worked the buttons of my shirt. I was all red being naked infront of him but it melted as he put off his shirt too, I couldn't help but run my hand all over his chest, bringing him closer to me.

"bite me" he ordered.

"I thought you'd never ask" with a smirk I pecked his bottom lip, his moan said he liked it. That hour of him being inside of me was wonderful. He was sweet, gentle, he knew I was absolutely inexperienced. And my first time turned out to be the beautiful one. "I can stay like this forever" I said in between whimpers.

"I wouldn't mind" he replied, fastening his pace and us reaching our climax together. As we layed down on his bed I kept on thinking about how he said he loved me, and he always will.

"what's the matter?" he asked seeing me lost in my thoughts. I knew he cannot actually let himself love someone, maybe it was a moment of weakness for him, but if only he knew it was more than that for me. It was not just sex for me, I made love with him.

“You’re all talk. Why don’t you show me what you really mean?”

I said getting up a little aggressively. He looked confused at my behaviour.

"But It was the truth, why do you think I'd help you, care for you, love you?"

I think he does have a point.

"and sex never amazed me, I don't bother about it, and my past experience was no strings attached kind of sex but now..." he trailed off, "now after you came, I resisted as long as I could the urge to kiss your pretty face, because I know what people could think, that the great detective found a young girl to sleep with, the young lady detective slept with Sherlock Holmes to get recognised, that's why I never opened up about it". His eyes were teary and so were mine, he cared about me as much as he cared about himself.

"if I say" I spoke, "I don't care, and that I love you, I want to be with you Sherlock, then?"

Sherlock came a little closer to me, trying hard not to cry, "then you're gonna get me as your assistant all my life."

Saying this he hugged me and we both cried, tears of joy I'd like to think. But since then I moved in with him, and john and Rosie, I love this family and our parents may have thought this marriage is a little... never mind, they accepted, the age gap wasn't a barrier at all. And we lived happily ever after.

#bbc sherlock #sherlock x reader #sherlock x y/n #sherlock holmes x reader #sherlock x you #sherlock smut #sherlock fanfic

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marauders-fanfilm · 4 months

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Hey Everyone- We apologize for the delay on this update. We had hoped to have more tangible progress and updates to present to you before posting this, but an update is overdue. First off, we all want to say how much we appreciate everyone’s patience and continued support for this project. It’s taken much longer than any of us had anticipated, but our team is committed to seeing this project through. Unfortunately this year has been challenging for everyone, and progress has reflected that. While VFX has made progress in the past year, it is not as much as we would have hoped. We’ve lost a number of our artists this year, both due to Rowling’s ongoing bigotry making it understandably hard for people to continue working on the film, as well as unrelated schedule and workload issues outside of the project. We started 2023 with 10 artists on our VFX team, and nowadays even on our best days we have less than half that. This leaves plenty of days/weeks where members of our smaller, but dedicated team are entirely unavailable.

While I presume most of you are aware of the WGA & SAG strikes that shut down much of the film industry from May to November, what many people outside of the industry aren’t aware of was the pressure that came down from the studios on those who work in Post Production, especially VFX, during that time. Many of the talented artists on the TGS team work in VFX as their day job as well, and this studio crunch left little to no time for side projects unfortunately. We had artists report working 60-80 hours a week. Other members of the team were out on the picket lines fighting to protect the industry and their livelihoods. All of this led to a rough summer and fall for progress on the project. Beyond that, a variety of other struggles have also faced our team throughout this past year. Without going into too much detail so as to protect the feelings and privacy of our amazing team, we have had members dealing with life threatening illnesses, deaths of loved ones, others facing numerous struggles due to rising transphobia, and several who simply had less time for TGS due to being forced to take up lower-wage jobs to survive during the strikes.

That said, it hasn't all been negative. We've also had members of our team forced to lighten their workloads due to happier circumstances, such as welcoming children, getting married, or attending grad school. It's not all dark clouds and gloomy circumstances, but one way or the other, the past year has undoubtedly thrown so much at our team that progress has at times become far slower and far less than we would have always liked.

All of that said, there has been some wonderful progress made this year. After a tremendous amount of collaboration between multiple artists, one of our most deceptively challenging VFX shots, the Dungbomb Prank seen in our very first piece of concept art was finally wrapped up by artist Porter Justus. Work has also progressed beautifully on various digital establishing shots. After a ton of work, our VFX Supervisor Martin Bayang was able to solve the issue of a particularly problematic Petrificus Totalus shot. There has been continued work on some very exciting Potions and Invisibility Cloak effects, and we recently wrapped up the spells for a very fun Lily versus Regulus altercation. And while not completed, there has been a lot of excellent progress has been made on much of the third act, including many of the most difficult sequences of the film.

To put some more-concrete numbers on the amount of progress we’ve made versus what we still have to tackle, only about 12 minutes of the film remain unfinished as of the time of this update. The vast majority of the film is just about fully locked, barring color and some slight timing adjustments. Within what remains, most if not all effects are already in progress. Obviously the climactic third act contains some relatively complicated VFX shots that may take slightly more time to complete, but the finish line truly is in sight now.

One of the last big updates, and perhaps the elephant in the room, is that this year we also found ourselves forced to finally part ways with a member of our team - our composer. This was an incredibly difficult decision and one that we obviously did not take lightly. In truth, we probably took far longer to arrive at this decision than we should have, given our affection for the person involved and how excited we were about the work they had done.

Unfortunately, we reached a point where essentially no new work had been done for over a year, despite multiple efforts to reach out and work through various struggles. Continuing with the same situation and with the same composer simply became untenable and we were forced to make the very difficult decision to move on and try to finish off the last several minutes of music needed with a new voice. We are currently in talks with a talented new composer, and had hoped to have the details locked in place before giving this update, but the transition is taking a bit longer than expected. Moving forward, we are hopeful that we will be able to still make use of all the excellent music that our original composer did create for TGS, but working through the logistics of that between him and our new music team remains an ongoing conversation as of the time of this update. We hope to have more details for you in the coming weeks. As difficult a decision as it was, it does also feel like a dramatic step forward that gives us much more confidence today than we had prior to the decision that the film is actually, finally, nearing completion.

We have said this many times before, and unfortunately it still bears repeating: no one wants to see this film completed and released to all of you more than we do. Even with the tremendous toll JKR’s vile conduct has taken on all of us, our hope remains that TGS can be a small piece of that universe untouched by the emotional baggage that the canonical franchise now carries. In light of the recent strikes in Hollywood, some attention is finally being paid to the insane working conditions many, if not all, VFX artists are subjected to. They are one of the last groups left in the entertainment industry that is not protected by a union, and as such they face essentially unfettered pressure from the studios they work for. Many of the artists volunteering their precious free time to TGS face these conditions in their day-to-day lives, and have still found it in their hearts to carve out time for our little movie. We are so incredibly grateful for them, for their time, and for the contributions they continue to make to make this film look as great as it possibly can. We are committed to delivering the best possible version of this film that we can to you when all is said and done.

It has been a long road. The end is finally, truly in sight. Please know that we are eternally grateful for your ongoing support and your ongoing patience. We are very much looking forward to finally reaching the end of this journey, together, and finally being able to share this film with you all. Thank you again, and all our love to all of you and yours in the new year.

#Forgot to post this to tumblr

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flnpushy · 9 months

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Helios 9 new Experimental birth

Continuing the story on helios…..

Another few months had passed by and Kara was now heavily pregnant. The experimental “Challenge” Baby what she was carrying swelled her much farther then she thought possible. Today was to be another checkup for Kara and Angel. They had now been carrying for months and this was to be the final check before soon birthing. Kara made her way down to the experimental room as she had done so frequently now for monitoring. She rode an electric scooter as her huge belly made it tough to waddle any decent distance. She arrived just before Angel pulled up on a scooter as well. Angels small little frame wasn’t handling this challenge baby at all. She struggled to walk as her belly had gotten so large. Nevertheless the girls waddled into the experimental area to get checked. Other Group 1 girls were waiting for the check as well. All the girls in the group had large bellies and had some difficultly getting around. A few moments passed until Dr. Karens arrived in the room. She addressed the 25 very pregnant girls around her.

“Ok Group 1, we have arrived at 12 months. You will begin the birthing process within 4 weeks. Mothers lagging will be induced to help keep the experiment fair and controlled.” the Doctor said.

“We will closely monitor you 25 girls during the birthing process. You will be split into groups of 5, and induced together for the birthing to begin. We have set up special birthing gardens for this experiment so that we can monitor progress safely. We must now cover the risks of this birthing experiment.” Karens explained.

“The risks of this experiment will be covered after the checkup to avoid anxiety, we need you calm for checkups.” Dr. Karens corrected.

“First up, Kara.” She said.

Kara waddled slowly to the from of the room where a bed laid. She was instructed to lay flat on her back and open her legs. Kara did so. Dr. Karens inserted a probe into Kara’s vagina and the readings came across a large screen above them for the group to see.

“Status: Pregnant.”

“Gender of baby: Male.”

“Baby weight: 25 pounds.”

“Estimated birth weight: 27 Pounds”

“Baby Orientation: Head first delivery.”

“Ok Kara good girl!” Dr. Karens said. “Thats a perfect big baby boy for this experiment.”

Karens clicked a button on the controller for the probe. A camera came on and displayed on screen.

“Ok lets see this baby.” Karens said.

A Small microscopic sized camera probe moved toward her cervix. In order to see the mucus plug intact the camera had to be extremely small. The camera showed all the girls in the group including Dr. Karens and the scientists the inside of Kara’s womb at this exact live moment. Karens led the probe slowly through the mucus plug and into the sac of waters containing the baby within it. She stopped and the probe activated a small light. On camera and live for the entire group was now a beautiful image. The babies head! The girls in the crowd were in shock, as well as Kara. To see a live baby inside was a sight to behold! The baby had some hair starting to grow, and the head was large.

“Well there you go Kara, thats the baby you will be birthing soon!” Dr. Karens said.

“Ok say good bye for now, little man will be stuck in there a couple more weeks!” She said removing the probe.

“Next, Angel please!” She called out.

Angel waddled her way to the bed and Followed as Kara had done. Karens inserted the probe.

“Status: Pregnant.”

“Gender Of baby: Male”

“Baby Weight: 25 Pounds”

“Estimated birth weight: 28 pounds”

“Baby Orientation: Breech”

Angel wasn’t the only breech carrier in the test group. There were two others as well. These girls would need special attention during the birthing.

“Ok spy time!” Karens said.

She pressed the button and the camera probe entered the cervix and though the mucus plug. Next into the waters. The light lit up revealing the baby. Being breech, two little feet appeared on camera.

“So cute!” Karens said. “Look at those little toes!” Just then the baby kicked.

“Excited little guy!” Dr. Karens said. “Couple more weeks, then you can come out!”

The groups continued the checks, some girls having bigger birth weight then expected, one girl even likely to birth at 30 pounds.

“Ok group 1 we must cover the risks of the birthing activity.” Dr. Karens said to the group.

Dr. Karens took center stage as she pulled out a list of things that needed to be disclosed to the girls.

“We have withheld this information from you until this stage for experimental reasons.” She stated.

“We did not want mothers attempting to defect from the experiment or attempt to alter their pregnancy. We know that you now are all very pregnant, and you must go through the birthing process.” Karens explained.

“The council has decided to share these risks with you.”

Statement 1: All mothers will be closely monitored during the birth and will be split into groups of 5 birthing women. These groups will have a garden and pool facility that is new and state of the art equip for the birthing process. Pools will be provided for mothers comfort.

“Statement 2: Due to the inherent danger of such large babies the birthing mothers will be under camera surveillance during their birthing. This will prevent unwanted interaction and in the case of issue, emergency procedure can be undertaken.

Statement 3: We estimate due to baby size and stature, the birthing process will likely take 2-3 weeks from labor to final delivery.”

Kara and angel looked at each other with dumbfounded looks……. 2 to 3 weeks? To get the babies out?!? What had they gotten into!

However for the girls there was no turning back, they were carrying babies in their belly, and the only way to get them out was to push!

Dr. Karens wrapped up the meeting.

“We Will select birthing groups and place you in 4 weeks time. If you are to begin labor before that time we must be notified immediately!”

Kara and angel exited the room with the other group one girls. The girls all exchanged scared glances at each other as they left the meeting hall.

Kara and Angel met outside near the food court area.

“This is going to be like nothing else.” Kara said.

“I just hope we are in the same birthing group.” Angel said.

“Yes me to, we need each others support for this.” Kara repeated.

To be continued……

#birth #giving birth #birth kink #pregnant #crowning #pregnancy #breech #scifi birth #birth story #birth denial

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pebblysand · 4 months

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[castles update]

hello 👋. i hope you're all doing well. i'm going away skiing for a week tomorrow and thought it would be a good time to check in and talk about how writing is going for a bit.

as some of you might know if you are regular readers of this blog/listeners of the podcast, i've been working on chapter 20 for about two months, now, and it's been.... difficult. i think it's karma coming back to bite me because chapter 19 was so easy but this one has been a lot of: write, delete, write, delete, look through my docs history, getting back stuff i've deleted, sticking them back on, writing again, deleting again, etc.

i think what i'm struggling with is the fact that writing family vibes and people having children is... not my forte 😅. first of all, because #fluff and particularly, #familyfluff is not my forte (lol) but also because as a member of the #childfreebychoice gang, it's required a lot of research, a lot of trial and error, a lot of going back and forth to figure out what i really wanted to say. castles is obviously a fic that doesn't just exist as rainbows and butterflies, and the difficulties of modern parenting offer plenty of opportunities to discuss systemic issues to do with women's rights, etc. (all the hugs and support to all the mothers out there!) but it's been hard to figure out what i wanted to write about, exactly, how to write it without just being like "babies are hard" and moving on, and basically, who i wanted mum!ginny and dad!harry to be.

i also think that as someone who does not have (and does not want children), i feel very illegitimate writing this, and thus paradoxically feel a sense of duty to do it right and perfectly, which is a doomed enterprise given that a) every experience of parenthood is unique and b) no one is perfect. i think it's been an interesting exercise, and it's one that is necessary in terms of where i want this story to go, but a very humbling one. i don't think i've struggled this much on any chapter in the past. add to that the extra technical challenge that i need to basically cover 13 years in two chapters, which is an outlining and pacing mindfuck ✨ and you've got a recipe for ... a lot of swearing and hair-pulling.

having said that, the good news is that i've made... progress. i have about 20k of stuff. very messy stuff that needs to be badly cut down and edited, but stuff nonetheless. i really wanted to get a first draft down before going on holidays but it's past 10pm, i have a podcast episode to edit before tomorrow night and i need to pack, eat, and sleep, so i'm throwing in the towel. it'll wait until i get back.

i think at this point in time, i have a publication date in mind (18th february), and i'd like to get 20 & 21 out at the same time. i kind of see them as a single unit, that "parenting" and "before hogwarts" stage, and i've also made a number of choices with 20 so far where i would like to write 21 before publication, just to see how they pan out. also, frankly, they're not the most interesting of chapter to me, so i kind of want to get them out and move on 😅. i think it's just going to be some of those chapters where i need to be okay with "good" rather than "great", which i always struggle with. there definitely has been some of those in the past (i hate chapters 9 & 12 with all my soul) and that's okay. we deal, haha.

so, anyway, that's sort of where i'm at. i really am so excited to write 22, 23 & 24, so i think that's what keeps me going.

i hope you guys have a lovely week ❤️

#castles

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studentbyday · 5 months

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week 12/14

sometimes trying to keep up with school and trying to improve your health and be a better person (and seeing slow progress in every domain) makes you feel like this... i've been here before and it took a long, long time to get out. i thought i outgrew it/learned from it, so i would never have to experience it again, but here we are once more 🤷🏻‍♀️ either the challenges got more challenging as i grew older or i have not learned my lesson. i don't know. maybe it's a bit of both... (as in i improved just enough to get comfortable, then comfortable led to relapse when things got harder and i didn't adapt. i think i must've improved somewhat tho bc on the whole, it's not as bad as it once was... this is my sign to keep trying.)

📈 study stats (50-60/10/30):

M: 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅 T: 🍅🍅🍅 W: 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅 Th: 🍅🍅🍅🍅 F: 🍅🍅🍅🍅 S: 🍅🍅

🎒 school:

mol bio section 5-7 ✅✅✅

mol bio quizzes (M, F/S) ✅✅

mol bio asst (T-Th) ✅

mol bio lecture 3 (last week) ✅

mol bio lecture 1-3 + overview (this week) ✅✅✅✅

mol bio: FIGURE OUT THE 2 QUESTIONS FROM LAST WEEK'S LECTURE ✅

biochem section 4 ✅

finish biochem paper + reflection (T) ✅

biochem discussion post (F) ✅

psyc ch 2-3 (last week) ✅✅

REVIEW FOR PSYC EXAM (weeks 1-2, 2 weeks per day) (guess who relapsed into rereading her notes? 🙋🏻‍♀️ but since i might not take another psyc course after this, idrc. i still plan to review actively for mol bio and biochem tho cuz that's what i really care about. and i might do some re-organizing of my psyc notes cuz they're a mess and i hate how the learning and memory notes are scattered and how my notes on diff chapters repeat themselves at times bc the chapters repeated themselves, etc.) ✅

psyc lab (end of week) ✅

psyc ch 1-2 + overview (this week)

review for biochem exam (hopefully)

review for mol bio exam (hopefully)

🩺 self-care:

no phone first thing in the morning ✅✅✅✅

water goal 💧🥲

VACUUM ON THE LONG 🍅 BREAK ✅

clean bathroom

LAUNDRY ✅

meditate ✅✅

journal ✅✅

physio exercises ✅✅✅✅✅✅

outside!!! 🌲 (why: it's been a while and the air was so fresh one night, the sharp smell of pine and laundry soap, i wanted to cry it was so beautiful)

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prettyboysdontlookatexplosions · 4 months

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year in review

one thing i did this past year was set my "win condition" for daily habit resolutions at 183 days in the year, because if you do something on 183 days in a year, that means you technically did it most of the time. i found this really motivational because it meant everything counted but there was also a lot of room for slack, and i feel like even for the resolutions i did not do so hot on that style of tracking gave me information and helped me think about what i really want out of that habit. so i am definitely planning to repeat it this year! as for the actual daily resolutions, they kind of fell into four categories.

nailed it

spend some time with some art: 232 days

work out: 216 days 💪🏼

drink at least 64 ounces of water: 277 days

pretty good

log my little habits & other trackables: 189 days

don't go on the internet before noon: 189 days (but see earlier posting about how i don't really feel like that addressed what i wanted it to address)

nice try

write out a plan for my day: 164 days

make something with words or with my hands: 153 days

get my room back into its baseline acceptable condition: 135 days

abject failures

meditate (147 days), journal (116 days), yoga (69 days) - yoga i just never found a place in my routine for this year but the other two i'm putting into this category even their numbers are not that high because i actually started off pretty strong and then just fully stopped around the beginning of september because life was hard. then like a month later i started having a mental breakdown where i couldn't stop crying and/or thinking about death. coincidence? you decide! (it's almost definitely not.)

i also had some goals to accomplish for the end of the, areas i wanted to make progress in without a specific endpoint, & vibes to cultivate, with mixed results:

memorize at least one (1) keyword/phrase for each tarot card - lol no

listen to sondheim's full body of work in chronological order - lol no

finish all unread books in my room - lol no

get my apartment into a state that would be okay for guests - lol no

post all WIPs - partial credit! i had a very ambitious count of 12 in mind when i made this resolution; i wound up posting 5 and a half, one of which was for & event and not on the list. idk i feel good about this tbh, especially since i did post everything that already had a substantial amount of writing in gdocs when i started the year (so, like, really all True WIPs rather than WIPs + various half-baked notions) and i like pretty much every fic i posted a lot.

up my walking till i'm regularly hitting 70k a week - i didn't put this one in my app for some reason and i am definitely too lazy to go through 12 months of notebooks but a glance at my apple health app suggests... sure? kinda? definitely for a while and then i got sick and then it got cold and dark and less so since then?

make progress towards figuring out routines that serve me: i... think so, yes? i spent a lot of this year, especially the spring and summer, just feeling sooooo dysregulated physically and fatigue-embattled and so on and so forth, and although my sleep cycle at the moment is not ideal, i am not, like, beset every day by the challenge of having a physical body anymore. i don't have one single daily routine i swear by, which is what i always fantasize about even though i know i would inevitably get bored of it and reject it (cap sun / sag stellium problems........), but i have some mini-routines i feel like i can call on, and i also have a set of meals that are boring but easy and reliable to eat basically every day so that i am not spending all of my disposable income on take-out anymore, and i also definitely now think of myself as A Person Who Works Out, so.... yes. i'm gonna say yes.

figure out a way to tackle my gigantic and ever-increasing Backlog Of Tasks: lmao no. not even a little bit.

make progress towards feeling more connected: i think so on this one, too. my most socially proactive friend moved out of the country for six months this spring and as the date of her departure was approaching i realized that i could either watch my social calendar virtually disappear for half a year or i could Try Harder, and then i did try a little bit harder and it went pretty okay. as much as part of me really wanted to, i did not drop my efforts during my extremely busy september/october, either. so.... yeah!

make progress towards fiscal responsibility: yeah. not, like, in leaps and bounds or anything, but i am definitely 3000% less stressed about money than i was a year ago.

stop treating everything like an emergency: hmmmm. i think i did well on this one for things that i can or should or need to take action on, but not so well for things i actually can't - like, i've gotten better at reminding myself that it, whatever it is, isn't fucking brain surgery, and in the worst case scenario life goes on, but i am still prone to the occasional despairing google spiral where i "research" some issue lying to myself that i am gathering important information but knowing deep inside i'm not planning to act on any of it at the moment and therefore really i am just feeding my own anxiety about it. partial credit.

don't push unless i have to: you know what? i think yeah. i mean, work in progress, but - yeah.

be proactive about looking for the stuff that makes me be alive: partial credit.

make more stuff, see more people, experience more art, have more fun: in order, maybe not strictly speaking "more" but between the amount i wrote and getting back into knitting i feel pretty happy about it; yes; probably?; definitely

fuck temperance: not as much as i maybe wanted to, but often enough to be glad when i did

i'm gonna come back on a full resolutions post later i think, maybe tonight maybe not (don't push unless i have to), but some current thoughts on this review:

keeping unedited; the 183 day goal (although i guess since we're in a leap year technically it should be 84, lol) in general; the daily habits of art, working out, drinking water, logging my little habits

i'm debating whether to keep planning my day as a habit or not. i feel like i've sort of internalized enough of a daily structure that some days it's helpful but other days i can just kind of jump into things and not feel like i missed something (today, for example, i've been toggling between work stuff and other goals, including sitting down to write this post, and it's felt pretty seamless)

internet: still thinking of a good way to phrase this. might just go with "make good internet choices" with the option to redefine or be more formal about "good internet choices" if i feel the need

making stuff: debating whether to keep unedited or now that i have gotten into knitting and definitely WILL be doing it pretty much anytime i'm watching something, do a teeny tiny daily writing resolution, like 100 words a day (or "100 words OR time spent doing actual research for something e.g. rewatching [redacted] for the sake of this newsletter i'm drafting")

room: i think i'm gonna keep this one, which lives in my app as "room maintenance," but mentally redefine it to EITHER re-setting my room to its zero position OR spending 20 minutes making progress towards that to disincentivize my current practice of leaving any messes i can't take care of in 20 minutes until i feel like i have a whole day to work on them

meditating, journaling, yoga, aka the self-care shit: i think i'm gonna swap meditating & yoga for mindfulness & mobility. so, like, one (1) yoga video, done while nothing else is playing and containing some degree of stretchiness, would get me a checkmark for both of those things, but i could also achieve both of them by doing, like, three minutes of silent deep breathing + stretching or foam rolling or one of those pilates butt workouts that always helps my back while watching TV or listening to a podcast or whatever. journaling... debating about this one but almost definitely planning to switch to digital journaling of some kind. the therapeutic value of handwritten journaling is real but it's clearly not something i'm up for at this period of my life lol. beyond that might keep it as journaling but just switch the mode, might split it up into reflection & recording, which are the two things i want out of journaling (the latter of which traditional journaling is actually terrible for for me because my handwriting is so bad i never reread my old entries) but could theoretically be accomplished by, like, a tarot pull + a social media post relating to the book or movie or whatever i'm reading. (i said i was gonna bring back blogging this year with my yearly personal tag and then i used it all of twice lol. BUT THIS YEAR I MEAN IT!!!)

walking: definitely gonna put this one in the app lol and also might switch to a monthly goal? i saw someone say that and it seemed crazy but then i was like, well it's true that if i get my period on a saturday and i haven't been going crazy with steps that week i'm basically done..... lol

it's been funny seeing posts all over the place encouraging "fun" new year's resolutions because those were the ones i failed the hardest at! lmao. clearly setting "do this by the end of the year" is not a productive framework for me personally. i will probably take some of my failed year-long resolutions from 2023 and make, like, a funsies list & a serious list, and then set a daily habit goal like "chip away a little at one fun project & one serious project"

the elephant in the room of my brain is, do i want to set some kind of numerical goal regarding Getting Out Of The House And/Or Spending Time With Human Persons? it feels intimating and scary and hard but also less so than it would have had i considered it before my friend moved out of the country. so....... maybe? idk.

similarly, debating if i do want to set some kind of goal regarding how much writing i accomplish, or if doing 100 words a day is enough since the hardest part of writing is absolutely just sitting down and fucking doing it. lol.

also considering a reading goal? that can but doesn't necessarily always count towards the art goal? hmmmm.

#isabel 2k24 #i mean it this time!

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