#He hears our cries and does something but we just dont always know what

[saint-ambrosef]

i know its frustrating when we pray for God to take away whatever we're struggling with and nothing seemingly happens.

but imagine everything that could have compounded our struggle, that perhaps He has preserved us from. we can't know from what future tragedies He has already spared us.

maybe we don't see the little nudges of grace He gives that keeps us from breaking completely, because to us it seems like nothing changed from the present status quo.

#mea #... #just rambling #this is a concept i've struggled with a lot in life #but like. its so hard to grasp sometimes because obv God exists outside of time and we do not #He hears our cries and does something but we just dont always know what #like maybe you're having a really bad day and you've prayed for help #and so God spared you from your cat getting sick too #but you'll never know that He spared you from that so it just seems liek your prayer went unanswered...

[alldoll3dup]

hello can i pretty please request dating john dory headcanons? i am kissing him as we speak

▐ I was itching to do a John Dory headcanon, thank you very much

໑୧﹒★﹒John Dory x FEM!Reader - Headcanon's ᰍ﹒∿

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 - Headcanon's of our dear JD as your boyfriend

𝐟𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐦 - Trolls

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 - Fluff

- This little guy will do anything for you, literally anything

- Do you want the moon? John already brought her to you

- He is very affectionate and loves physical touch (he was alone for years so it is very important to him)

- Hands on your waist, kisses on your neck, being randomly carried are things you're already used to

- And of course he expects you to reciprocate, give him surprise kisses, sit on his lap at random moments, any slightest contact will make him literally melt

- He LOVES being between your thighs if he made a ranking of places he likes to be it would be like this

1- By my girlfriend's side

2- Between my girlfriend's thighs With my brothers

3- Between my girlfriend's thighs

- He scribbled because he was afraid of hurting his brothers feelings

- He is very dirty sometimes, if you don't say anything he will go days without taking a shower (not always because he wants to, but because he forgets)

- He is jealous and doesn't like you paying too much attention to other trolls

- If he thinks you're paying too much attention to someone, he'll just put you on his shoulder and take you away

"Dory! I haven't finished talking yet"

"I think you already finished"

- He loves when you get along with his brothers, he thinks it's cute

- When you sleep together he practically crushes you, he's thrown all over you and you can't even move

- He loves being in control of the situation, if you need help with anything he is ready to help

- If you don't reach something that is too high, John will just carry you

"Thank you Dory"

"No problem sweetheart"

- He loves giving you cute nicknames, like sweetie, pumpkin, love of my life

- Everything you ask Dory does, he is always ready to please you

- Don't stay away from him for too long, he'll be super worried

- Did you leave and said you would come back two hours later but it took you a minute longer? John is already putting up missing person posters

- And when you come back he will cling to you saying how much he missed you

"Babyyy, I missed you so much! Dont scare me like that again"

"But it was only one minute"

"It seemed like an eternity"

- Knows everything you like, favorite flowers, the perfume you use most use EVERYTHING

- His heart melts when you praise him

- Your perfect voice being used to praise him is the best thing that he could ever ask

- He is very silly sometimes, he can be a manchild but in serious moments he is so responsible

- Super clingy like extremely

- He has the best hugs, when he hugs you, you forget the rest

- You always dance together, especially brozone's songs

- When you said you listened to brozone and that he was your favorite he literally cried

- You steal all his shirts, after all, what's his is yours and what's yours is his

- He loves cooking with you, he makes a lot of mess so you told him to just stay still and cling to you and that's what he did

"Are it ready now?" - he said with his hands on your waist, his tail intertwined with your legs and his face resting on the curve of your neck

"It's almost ready Dory" - all you hear is silly giggles and little compliments

- He makes it very explicit to everyone that he has a girlfriend

- What else can I say? He loves you SO MUCH

▐ I hope y'all liked this silly little passionate

▐ Sorry if there are any grammatical errors love you guys ♡

★ REQUESTS ARE OPEN ★

#trolls band together #trolls #trolls john dory #john dory x reader #trolls headcanons #trolls x reader #request #fem reader #john dory #headcanon #headcanons

[misfithive]

Thank you for the way you handled that ask about Wille's and Simon's drama. Because that sentence 'On the other hand, Simon needs to have a bit of more drama thrown at him' made me so furious. It was so insensitive! The fact that he suffers in silence and alone in his room not to bother other people doesn't mean he doesn't suffer enough and needs some more! The fact that he didn't jump on the table or say he feels like dying doesn't make his experience any less traumatic than Wille's. What he needs is to process his trauma rather than brushing it aside, not to get some more.

Once again thank you, you put it all beautifully.

Yes 😭 this is a very common hope for Simon to get pushed to the point of a breakdown but it’s like .. at what cost?😩 He has been thru enough trauma for a lifetime and a half. And the thing is, most people cannot actually stop and process the trauma if they are constantly being hit with more. I think we are more likely to get simon opening up if he is able to find safety which he did not really have. he is expected to be the strong one by everyone in his life. His friends try their best but still, telling him to rebound is the same message him mother gives him of “you are strong”. Bc they dont want him to sit with his feelings and cry (it’s uncomfortable and not the norm for them), they want him to forget about the Prince and move on. Up until s3 he has not had someone to cry to- thats why he writes his songs and holds wille’s sweater. Even when he is talking to Rosh and Ayub in the kitchen if he was actually crying to them i feel they would show it- it appears he probably cried on the way home before they came (this is my hc if yall think he cried to them u can believe that if u want)

i think Simon’s character is very accurate to what a lot of men, people socialized as men, and also people of color experience and how we deal with our emotions. I get that for a lot of people it is cathartic to sob but for many of us, crying like that especially in front of someone else is terrifying. we are conditioned that letting other people see u in that vulnerable state is a weakness (puts you in danger or will be used against you & that anger is safer). I know some men who have not cried since they were children and told me they dont even remember what it feels like to cry or how to actually let the tears fall from their eyes. It is messed up. Is that fair? No. Is it true that it is a weakness? No. But not everyone learns that. The patriarchy sucks and harms us all lol i wish people would understand that and have empathy for the deep sadness that simon is carrying and hiding whether he lets it out or not.

Not to mention everyone deals with their trauma differently and i think it is cool that the show is realistic and shows people dealing with things in different ways. Simons character is relatable bc of this and instead of people saying “it’s not fair that Wille gets to express himself in this way and Simon doesn’t” i want people to think about WHY Simon is not be able to. I know wanting simon to cry comes from a good place but it does upset me a little bit bc even if he doesnt have a breakdown s3, that doesnt mean that the writers hate him and arent doing his story justice which is what people say abt s2. At the same time, if he does have a break down, that would be totally warranted. i'm just saying that if it doesn't happen that's valid too.

THAT BEING SAID. I think s3 is a great opportunity for Simon to hear from Wille that he doesnt always have to be strong and that Wille can be a reliable safe space. I think Wille’s tenderness is something that Simon sees and now that they are on good terms and Wille has worked to rebuild the trust, I hope Simon will turn to Wille for emotional support however that looks.

Ermmmn I’m very sorry that this turned into a dump but i had to get it off my chest.(made a few edits for clarity and spelling mistakes bc i posted this in the middle of the night)

#misfit answers asks #young royals #this is not targeted at the first anon i just see it a lot and have a lot to say on the topic #simon eriksson

[simpforanimeboysfrvr]

Oikawa Toruu x Reader | Arguments

Summary: you were tired of Oikawa who is always bailing out on your date at the last minute.

warnings: cursing, arguments, angst, fluff (at the end), reader is in university and so as Oikawa.

A/N: Hi ya'll! I hope you guys like this cuz I haven't wrote for a bit cuz I didn't know what to write but yeah! Let's get on to the story, shall we? Dont mind my grammars and uhh please dont mind my shitty writing.

"Sorry Y/N-chan, I won't be able to make it again to-" Oikawa said halfway as you already put down the phone, ending your guys' call. It was always like this, Oikawa was always bailing out on you last minute. You were tired of it. You were even so ready for your date that you already got dressed and you even put on a bit of make up.

In the end, you cried last night, and you haven't even changed. Your makeup was ruined and your eyes were puffy, sore and red. You didn't bother going to university today cuz you didn't want to see Oikawa. You opened your phone and saw Oikawa post something, it was him and a girl, last night. 'No wonder he bailed out on me' you thought.

You called your professor to say that you won't be attending classes today cuz you were sick. You weren't technically lying, you were sick and tired of hearing Oikawa always bailing out on your dates. You haven't spent time with him for a bit now and you just wanted to hang out with him. But you couldn't help but be more angry when you saw his post with that girl.

A few hours later, your doorbell rings, you wondered who was outside and when you opened the door, you saw Oikawa standing in front of you.

"Toruu?!" You said, shocked he would come visit you.

"I heard you were sick, you seem perfectly fine?"

"Oh. I just didn't want to go to school, I'm kinda feeling tired.."

"Oh okay."

"Hey Toruu, you bailed out on me last night because you were with that girl, right? Why? Am I not good enough for you?"

"No, no, it's not like that..."

"Then why? Everytime you bail out on our date, the next day, I always see notifications of you posting something with that girl." You said, tearing up. Oikawa sort've snapped because he was sort of tired of you always saying that. Everytime he always bails out, the next day, you always say the same words and he was getting tired.

"Y/N. STOP DOUBTING ME. GOSH YOU'RE SORT OF GETTING ANNOYING." he yelled and you sort've winced at his words. You know you always say the same thing after he bails out on your date. But you cant help it.

"How? How can I fucking not doubt you? Everytime, Toruu. Everytime you bail out, it only turns out you were with that girl." You fought and you didn't give him time to reply as you shoved him out of your flat.

God, he knows he messed up. He knows it well. But he didn't want you doubting his love for you because he loves you so much.

Maybe he should just tell you the truth, that the girl is his relative and she just chooses the wrong time to hang out with him. But he can't say no because his parents will prolly kill him if he does. His parents adore his cousin so much.

The next day, you still didn't attend school. It eent on for a few days, Oikawa was slightly getting worried. And so, he went to visit your flat.

"Y/N-chan, I'm sorry, can you please please forgive me? That girl is actually my cousin and she just chats me at the wrong time to hang out everytime."

"Oh. Well maybe i guess i can forgive you if. You treat me to dinner later? No bailing out."

"Promise."

And so with that, you 2 made up. And your dinner was the thing you loved the most

#oikawa tooru #oikawa x reader #hq oikawa #haikyuu #haikyuu oikawa #Angst to fluff

[lacrysan]

Promises from a Broken Man

Part 2 of :

Modern!AU Shanks

CW: Drinking, Cheating, Angst, Like oh lord this gets sad, Angst with comfort

Shanks, a man whom many recalled as prestigious and always professional and well, was now everything but those words. He was a mess. Just like the mess he made the moment he spilled his wine after realizing he committed adultery. As Y/N ran out the gala in tears, he felt his whole future flee with her.

He was never an affectionate husband. He knew that. He always hated it. Whenever he was in Y/N’s arms he felt safe and happy. He always loved that feeling. He always loved having her around and being able to spend his hours with her. Yet he realizes now that this wasn’t some business deal where he usually gets all the benefits. This was a promise. A promise he broke, and unlike the business contracts where there can always be a better one soon, there was no better woman than Y/N.

He was masked by the foolishness of lust. Lust that was so short term for him. For while he may enjoy the beauty of a young lady, he loves the warmth, comfort, and own beauty of Y/N. He had always been drunk with her love and yet he got rid of it all for some drink and kiss. He knew he was foolish. And he still is, for instead of being foolish enough to break your heart, he is foolish enough to believe he can somehow, just somehow win you back.

You caught a glimpse of the fool one night, you have finally settled into your own small apartment. You were getting ready to clean when you heard a knock at your door. You opened it to see a disheveled Shanks, standing there looking like he lost everything, which to be fair thats how he felt.

“Y/N…my dear-”

You closed the door. You wanted to go and close your bedroom door and stay there until he leaves for good, but you knew Shanks, you knew he wouldnt hesitate to do anything for what he wants, even if it means doing something like staying in front of your door till you give him a chance to speak. While you were really pissed off, you still couldn’t bear the idea of him just standing there like a rejected puppy. So you opened the door, to see him in tears.

“Y/N? Oh thank you so much for opening the door love.” He says through sniffs and tears. “Please, hear me out, I have nothing to say to excuse myself, however…” He proceeds to get on his knees as he broke down in front of you, revealing the cracks of his heart, just like the cracks of the wine glass he dropped that night. “My dear Y/N, I was such a fool for treating you like an awful husband. You deserve nothing less than a worshipper who would treat you like the goddess you really are. I do not expect anything, however, I do wish that we can start over…” He cries out in tears, his eyes are red as his crimson hair, his luxury suit messed up by the dirt on the floor. You recall a memory where he said he would never mess up his suits, and yet here he was.

You tried to back away, you wanted to hold him and tell him you love him. Yet you were scared, you were so scared. What if he broke his promise again? What if he drinks again and does this all over again? This was already too much for you so what if he does it all over? Your thoughts were broken when Shanks got up and engulfed you in a hug.

“I know you think that I will break your heart again, that I will break our promise that shouldve never been damaged in the first place, but I wont. I realized now that when breaking a promise like this, breaks the person who even dared to interfere with the promise in the first place. I am a broken man. Please Y/N. Please…take me back. Please hold and kiss me like you did. Please fix my heart, and Ill fix yours. Ill never break our promise again. Just please give me a chance. I dont think I can live without you my love, my heart, my soul, my world…my Y/N.”

He just clings onto you like you were the only one he was holding onto to stop himself from falling into an abyss. A void of despair and depression. A place you knew all too well after what he did. It was a pain you wouldn’t even want to wish on your own enemies. So, you decided to try and get yourself out of the void, and prevent the man you loved from falling into it. You hugged him back and just sobbed. You cried and let out a bunch of tears, strings of curse words and calling him a jerk, meanie, etc. Yet it felt so freeing. It felt amazing knowing you were back in his arms.

So, you and Shanks filled in the broken bond between you two. You were ready to mend those broken promises with him as well. Lastly, you were both ready to fix one another. The broken man and his lover, have found their missing pieces in one another.

Author’s note: Hi loves! Sorry for the holdup on this post. School years ending so I have to wrap things up. Though I hope I can write a bunch more things for yall this summer! Write any suggestions below, however I think my next idea will be a Modern!AU Ace. Anyways, stay safe and healthy. 💐

#akagami no shanks #anime #one piece #red haired shanks #shanks #shanks angst #shanks x reader #shanks x you #shanks x y/n #red haired pirates #one piece x reader #one piece fanfiction

[averagetmntfan]

The sand.

It was a warm day. Well, warm night actually. I stared at the water. Shuttering ever so slightly. I watch as my siblings have fun. I let out a huff. ‘I’ve never rlly enjoyed the water. Tho, I’m not the strongest swimmer. I almost drow-‘ my train of thought was broken, as I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turn suddenly, ready to defend myself. Before realizing, it was just Leo.

“cat got your tongue?” He laughed. I stare at him blankly. A bit confused, but still shaken.

“Ah, I see you’re shocked of my coolness?” He flips his none existent hair.

“YOU DONT HAVE HAIR!! ALSO COOLNESS ISNT A WORD!!” Donnie shouted. I watched as Leo huffed, and yelled;“SHUT UP!!” I snicker slightly. a couple minutes of silence fell, as I fiddled w/ the sand. I loved how simple it was. I watched as it smoothly flowed through my fingers. I stopped when I felt the cold uncomfortable stare from behind. I sigh, turning my head just enough to meet my brothers eyes.

“what?” I asked

“nothing! Nothing, carry on!”

“you’re acting weird.” I accused

He let out a loud and overlying dramatic gasp. “how dare you! I thought I knew you!” He teased.

I huff and continued to play w/ the sand. As I sit there, watching my finger doodle some face, I hear an annoyed grumble. I turn my attention to leo, who was still behind me. But struggling drastically to grab something.

“ok what the heck is wrong with you?!” I say, extremely confused but also concerned for his well being.

“I’m trying to-“ he grumbles. “Get a grain of sand!”

“what???” I felt the annoyance in me bubble to the surface. “whaaat! No one’s gonna miss a single grain of sand, right? I mean, there’s plenty of replacement pieces.” He motioned his hand at our surroundings.

as he continued to struggle, I shove him outta the way. “move, let me help.” I say, confidently.

as quickly as said, I immediately fail the task.

I sat there for a few moments, embarrassed of my failure. As both me and Leo start to giggle. Which is soon turned into historical laughter.

I still to this day, don’t understand why it was so funny. I think leo Just, had that sort of power. He always knows how to make me smile.

THE END!

Note(?):

or….

was it..?

(WARNING, SEWERSLIDE)

New York City, roof top. 11:50pm.

I stand on the roof. Starring down at my fate. As I take off my blue bandanna. I hear a faint scream from afar. As I turn my head I see a familiar face.

it was my little brother,

…mikey.

“LEO!! DONT DO THIS PLEASE!!” He shouted, now behind me.

I could tell he was crying. His voice was all wobbly, and strained.

“WE NEED YOU!! I-“

“I NEED YOU!” He cried.

I froze. Taking a moment for the words to process in my mind.

“w..what?” I say, slightly turning my head.

“YOUR MY BROTHER!! YOU MAKE ME LAUGH, Y-YOU ALWAYS BELIEVE IN ME WHEN NO ONE ELSE DOES!! AND-“

“Y-you’re my best friend.” he croaked.

We stood silent. As I stepped one foot of the building.

“They’re not gonna miss a grain of sand.”

I say.

“W-what..?” He asks, his voice now pitched.

“No one’s gonna miss a single grain of sand from the beach, right?” I say again. Fighting the urge to just run over and hug my little brother

I turn my body around, my back facing the city. As I smile sadly at him I say this.

“make sure to help me pick up some sand, ok.?” As I let myself fall. All I hear is a terrible scream. It goes silent for a moment. Then, it all went black. And I knew

..it was over.

THE END <3

#<3 #tmnt 2018 #rottmnt mikey #save rottmnt #rottmnt leo #rottmnt #<3333 #fluff

[rainydaydally]

You’re like the light of my life

WARNINGS:

Dysphoria

Sexuality crisis

Insecurity

Crying/Kinda a mental breakdown

Jealousy

F-slur

Cartman is homophobic but in a joke way (hes gay)

Unsafe binding (I don’t think you are supposed to swim in a binder, but I’m not sure!)

The Broflovski family is staying in a hotel after camping, and Shiela and Gerald are napping in one bed, and Ike is napping in the other. Kyle, however, is laying next to Ike, wide awake. He takes his mind off of everything, starting to use pinterest on his phone. He gets bored pretty quickly, so he places it next to his head. As he stares at the white ceiling of the hotel, he starts to think. Think about way too much confusing things he cant help but focus on. He thinks about his sexuality, his friends, his looks- *especially* his looks. He sighs, fighting back tears as he grabs his headphones and phone and walks to the bathroom. He stares at himself in the mirror, listening to Mac DeMarco, as he feels tears fall from his eyes. He cries and cries, and he moves to sit on the closed toilet lid, knees up to his chest, tears spilling uncontrollably. He takes his phone out to text his friend, Stan.

“Hey. Can you call?”

No reply. “He’s probably busy.” He thinks to himself, setting his phone down. He decides to call Cartman, which even though he hates him, he can still cheer him up with his blunt and annoying comments and jokes. Kyle tries opening up to him about his sexuality, which he has also been really confused about. Cartman just says “F*g.” which causes him and Kyle to burst into a silent laughter, making it funnier that he cant laugh, or he will wake his family. After Kyle angrily hangs up on Cartman after some dumb shit he was saying, he goes and sits against the wall, and continues crying. He wipes his nose and his eyes but the tears never seem to stop coming. He’s just so, so confused. One day he will think he’s AroAce, and the next day he will get butterflies when he sees a cute boy at a store. He feels like everyone around him is getting into stable relationships now, like Stan and Wendy. Oh how he wishes he had a relationship like them, they seem so perfect. Suddenly, his phone lights up. 

“Yeah.” 

It’s Stan. 

“Nevermind.” 

Kyle quickly replies back, he doesn’t want Stan to see him so hysterical.

“Oh, okay.”

“Can I tell you something??”

Kyle texts, instantly regretting his decision.

“Of course.” 

Stan replies. Kyle can almost hear the text in Stan’s voice, as if he was right next to him. Before Kyle knows it, he’s confessing deep, dark secrets to Stan over text. His fingers tapping the letters quickly.

“Okay, so this is stupid. But, I feel like everyone loves someone, or someone loves them. I know we are still young but im just so ugly and unwantable and I feel like I might be Aromantic Asexual, but I’m just so confused because I want a relationship. I really have never had someone have a crush on me because I’m so ugly and I’ve always been the ugly one too, and I feel like I’m nothing. Most of the guys are so handsome, and I really dont fit in compared to the rest of them. When we were on vacation at the beach I just felt so sick and insecure because you guys (not trying to be weird) looked really good in your bathing suits, but I just felt uncomfy and I just didnt fit in with you guys.”

“I can’t believe I just texted Stan that.” He thinks, and Stan seems to be taking hours to respond, even though it’s only been 5 seconds at the maximum.

“You are not ugly, I really don’t think you are ugly.”

Why did Kyle feel a feeling in his stomach when Stan had texted him that? Stan not only said he wasnt ugly, but he said HE really doesn’t think he is. 

“You definitely fit in. We don’t care what you look like. You think you are ugly, but no one is our friend group thinks you are ugly.”

Kyle smiles, “Except Cartman.” He thinks to himself. An other text appears.

“I’m sorry but what does aromantic asexual mean?”

Kyle knew this would happen. Most people don’t know what it means He tries to explain it, hoping Stan will understand what he’s trying to say.

“Thanks so much, Dude. Also, it means like you’re not attracted to anyone and dont wanna have sex with anyone basically. But I’m just not sure yet because I’ve never had a crush where the other person really liked me. I mean, I’ve dated people but it was mostly over text and facetime. We never hugged or kissed or anything. I’m probably just asexual, but sometimes I have a crush on someone and later it goes away.”

Kyle continues.

“And I’ve only kissed two people before, and I know thats two more than most people our age. I just feel really terrible for not feeling anything towards them. I mean, they were both girls, so I could be gay.”

Kyle desperately wants to tell Stan about his dysphoria, how his mother keeps telling him he looks just like her, and that he hates how feminine his body is getting. He does not say a word.

“You do have that rizz. I’ve never really talked to anybody in a romantic way before besides Wendy… and that hot sub we had in 3rd grade.”

“Dude! Gross! Also thanks. I just don’t know if I want it, I guess. I mean, your first kiss is supposed to be magical, but I felt nothing. I didn’t think I’d be kissing a girl in a pool bathroom who never even thought of me romantically.”

It was Bebe. Now she acts like nothing happened, but it did, and she knows it did. She is so perfect and pretty and smart, so why didn’t he like her?

“I wasted it. It sucked.”

“Wow. You never told me that before.” 

Stan replies. Kyle feels bad for not sharing it with him before, but it just never seemed appropriate. 

“Yeah. I’m still friends with her, and I don’t want to seem mean, but I really wasted my first kiss.”

“You know how in the movies their first kiss is like amazing magical stuff? Well, we are weird, crazy teenagers that go through stuff and things do not always go according to plan, and that’s ok. I know you will find a perfect kiss one day.”

Kyle really wants to just text Stan right then and there and tell him everything, that Stan sometimes gives him butterflies, and when the backs of their hands graze he feels his face heat up. He can’t tell him that, though, obviously. He doesn’t want to ruin Stan and Wendy’s relationship over a *maybe* crush.

“Dude, I don’t deserve you, I love you so much. You are way too kind and caring.”

“I love you too, bro.” 

Stan replies. Kyle feels a smile grow on his face.

“Also, I don’t mean to be nosy, but who was your first kiss?”

Kyle was really hoping Stan wouldn’t ask that. 

“She would get mad if I told you.”

Is all Kyle replies with.

“That’s okay.”

Kyle continues with his rant.

“I’m going through so much right now though. I hate being trans so much, I’m so jealous of everyone who isn’t tbh.”

“I’m sorry, I’m glad you are telling me so I can try my best to help you through it.”

Kyle sighs. How can Stan be so kind to him? Like he said before, he really doesn’t deserve to be best friends with such a sweet boy.

“I love you so much, you’re like the light of my life.”

Kyle jokes, smiling while thinking about hanging out with Stan. 

Suddenly, theres a loud knock at the door. “Kyle? Kyle, are you in there?” “Oh shit, it’s mom!” He thinks. “Yeah!” He replies, trying not to have his voice break from the crying that was happening before. “Kyle, we’re going to the pool soon. Ike and Dad already left. Do you want to come? I know you’re uncomfortable at the pool-” “I’ll go. Give me a second, though.” Kyle grumbles, sitting up and wiping his tears with the back of his hand. He would be looking foward to the pool- he really loves to swim- but lately he’s been so uncomfortable going, like his mom said. He hates going because he doesn’t know what to wear, and if he wears his binder with his trunks people give him such weird looks. He changes into the clothes nonetheless and steps outside the bathroom, arms crossing over his chest.

Shiela must have noticed he was insecure, because she went up to him and hugged him. “You are such a wonderful son, Kyle.” Kyle feels his stomach turn as he tries his best to hold back his tears, but they spill out again. Instead this time, he isn’t silent. His sobs are loud as he holds onto his mother. She lets go of the hug and walks him to sit on the edge of the bed together. “Are you okay? Is there anything I can do?” She asks. He shakes his head, wiping his tears. “Can we just stay like this for a while?” He asks. “Of course.”

AO3 Link: You’re like the light of my life

Wattpad Link: You’re like the light of my life

#trans #transgender #gay #trans man #ao3 fanfic #trans kyle broflovski #kyle south park #south park #south park kyle #asexual #aroace #confused #sexuality crisis #stan marsh #stanley marsh #sp style #south park stan #wendy testaburger #south park cartman #eric cartman #stendy #fanfiction #trans male headcanon #angst with a happy ending #sort of #jealous kyle broflovski

[corrodedcoffinkid]

hurt/comfort autistic!eddie munson x steve where theyre at the store and its more crowded than usual, and the amount of people, noise, and bright lights overwhelm eddie too much?

people tend to ignore the fact that autism isnt just at home and it bothers me, sometimes you need to calm down right then and there. you dont choose when to have meltdowns it can happen anywhere and you cant just go find a quiet private place to calm down in a crowded store

i’m gonna be honest i’ve completely avoided writing eddie having a metldown in public because it reminds me of my own public meltdowns and i Don’t Like That

“Cereal, cereal, cereal,” Eddie says, following Steve down the isles of the grocery store. The word’s been stuck on his tongue for a while now. It sounds nice, doesn’t it? “Cereal, cereal, cereal.”

The repetition of the word… it feels nice to him- soothes him a bit. The lights buzzing in the grocery store are deafening today. Plus, it’s busy, and Eddie swears his brain is trying to process everyone’s conversations all at once.

“Eds?”

“Hm?“ Eddie hums, pausing his vocal stim.

“Are you okay?”

Eddie nods. “Fine.”

Liar, he thinks. Eddie knows he isn’t fine, but he doesn’t want to embarrass Steve. All he really wants to do is leave, go home, and enjoy complete silence. Meanwhile, he’s sure all Steve wants to do is have one peaceful outing for God’s sake.

Tears well up in Eddie’s eyes at the thought of embarrassing his boyfriend.

Then, it happens.

Somebody in another isle drops something. Eddie doesn’t know what. He hears the impact, then the shattering. Have the lights always been this loud? This bright?

“Eddie? Eddie?” Steve watches helplessly as his boyfriend covers his ears, and curls in on himself in the middle of the cereal isle. Thighs to chest, Eddie starts to rock himself back and forth.

It’s too loud, it’s too much. He can’t do this.

He’s crying now- crying to make it stop, out of embarrassment, out of sadness.

Steve realizes they’ve attracted a crowd. Eddie’s head is tucked into his legs now- too embarrassed to look up. Steve shoos the crowd away. “Nothing to see here- move along.”

Abandoning any and all intentions of getting groceries today, Steve crouches down next to Eddie. Still rocking himself, Eddie doesn’t look up. “Hey,” Steve says softly, “We’re going home, okay?”

“N-No, we-we need to get groceries! You said we needed to get groceries!”

Steve sighs. How could Eddie possibly be more worried about finishing shopping than his own well being? “I’ll come back later, it’s fine! I’m more worried about you than our produce!”

Sniffling, Eddie shakes his head. “No! I’m just- I’m just a freak! We can’t do anything without me acting like a fucking freak!”

Ignoring the hurtful words, Steve grabs Eddie and stands him up. Eddie whines, squeezing his eyes shut. Those lights are impossibly bright. Steve leads him to the car, ignoring Eddie’s protests. “I don’t care about the groceries, Eds. We’re going home.”

To Eddie’s surprise, Steve doesn’t sit him in the passenger’s seat. Instead, he piles them both in the back of the car. Steve lays Eddie down in the backseat, resting his head in his lap. “Deep breaths, baby.”

“I-I-I’m so-orry.”

“Shh, shh,” Steve coos. “Take a deep breath with me.”

Steve coaches Eddie’s breathing- careful in making sure he’s not hyperventilating. “Good job,” Steve says, “One more deep breath for me.”

Eddie does as told. Steve’s right, he does feel a little better now. The panic and overstimulation is easing up, but the embarrassment and sadness couldn’t be stronger. “I’m sorry,” Eddie says again.

“You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I embarrass you!“ Eddie cries out. “We can’t go anywhere without me acting like a fr-”

“Eddie Munson.” Steve looks down, meets Eddie’s eyes. “Don’t you dare say that again. You. Are. Not. A. Freak.”

“Y-Yes I-I am!”

“Being overstimulated doesn’t make you a freak, Eds. Your brain just works differently- that’s all.” Steve thinks for a moment. “Besides, without that beautiful brain of your’s, you wouldn’t be able to do what you love.”

Eddie’s eyebrows furrow in confusion.

“Well, think about it. You feel things so intensely. Even if sometimes those feelings are bad… think about when they’re good! You’re so, so good at the guitar, Eds… better than anybody I’ve ever met. Plus, you know more about DnD than any guy I know!”

“E-Even Dustin?”

“Even Dustin.”

Eddie sighs, “Do you… Do you get embarrassed by me? Be honest.”

Almost instantly, Steve answers, “No. You could never make me embarrassed to love you, Eddie.”

“Promise?”

Steve wipes away a tear from Eddie’s cheek. “I promise.”

#eddie munson #autistic eddie munson #stranger things #steddie #angst #eddie munson autism #steve harrington #sensoryissues!eddie #steveandeddie #adamwrites

[svnoohe4rts]

why am i crying at your sweet note? it's like our baby is finally grown up and leaving for college. okay time to cry cry. LETS GAUR~

all Sunghoon wanted to know was if you were okay.

I WILL NEVER BE OKAY, YA HOE

He hadn’t cried in years, yet there he was; standing on a dimly lit street, tears leaving his eyes as he desperately tried wiping them away using the sleeve of his shirt.

asdfghjk i guess i feel bad ugh

Your phone turned off, refusing to accept reality - refusing to accept the fact that it had all been nothing but a lie.

ugh this hit a little too close to home. we all had our emo days and yeah, turning off our phones and not wanting to face reality is just it.

Sunghoon making you believe he actually felt something towards you or Jake not telling you about the bet in the first place.

): this ugh i hated high school boys so much because YEP! similar situation smh

Jake quickly realized you weren’t going to reply, letting out a small sigh as his gaze left your side profile only to meet his own shoes.

I HAVE A BONE TO PICK WITH YOU, JAKE!!!!

With Jake’s hand intertwined in yours and the spring breeze hitting your face, your heart felt lighter than it had done an hour earlier; all thanks to Jake.

UM EXCUSE ME? YN you can have sunghoe! JAKE COME HERE DHAJHSAJ

the words of you being spotted holding hands with Jake reached him.

my entire body laughing and shaking at sunghoe!!!!!

You’re being petty.

JAY PUT A RING ON MY FINGER RIGHT NOW! Matter of fact, I'll go put a ring on his finger

‘’What the fuck, Y/N?’’

Was the only thing Sunghoon let out as soon as the door opened.

NO U WTF, SUNGHOE

What he needed was to stay right where he was, with you. He needed to stay with you before he lost his mind.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH INSERT INCOHERENT NOISES SHAKJAK SAGE YOU DID NOT FUCK MY HEART OMG MY HEART LEGIT LEAPT OUT OF MY FUCKING CHEST AND DROPPED T_T I don't want you sunghoon, GTFO

fighting the urge to slap him across the face.

let me volunteer!!!!!

"You’re fucking miserable Sunghoon, does this feed your ego? Did breaking my heart feed your fucking ego?’’ At this point, you were rambling.

okay me crying because holy shit, i wished i had done this back then BUT IT'S OKAY

He wanted to grab you, pull you into his chest, and just let you cry. He wanted to apologize, he wanted to kiss your forehead and tell you over and over how sorry he was; that breaking your heart didn’t feed his ego, that he never meant for it to be this way.

SHUT THE FUCK UP, PARK SUNGHOON T____T im in my moment, let me fucking cry, hoe

But as you covered your face using both your hands, he could no longer fight the urge to pull you into his chest.

I AM ON THE FLOOR, DO U HEAR ME?!

Leaning down, his lips met yours; his hand still caressing your cheek.

uh i just left town bye

your whole neck on display for him.

brb choking myself

‘’I hate you,’’ You mumbled between kisses, causing yet another groan to leave his lips. ‘’I know baby, I know,’’ He mumbled as he pulled away

SAGE I AM SUING YOU FOR THE PAIN IN MY HEART FML @_@

‘’I’ll fuck you hard if that’s what you want,’’ He hissed, his tip brushing against your g-spot.

i just fainted and cant get back up. I SAID SHOW ME HOW SORRY NOT FUCK ME HARD WTF

maybe, crossing paths with Park Sunghoon wasn’t so bad after all.

SAGE MAJOR WHAT THE FUCK? you dont get to run. COME BACK HERE!

first things first, holy shit, i am so emo??? and then I got all gushy and giddy because sunghoe's sorry ass came to apologize!!!! afterwards, I guess the love making made up for it -_- I STILL HATE HIM ugh once a hoe ALWAYS a hoe!!! T-T I just wanna punch him but also hug him at the same time. i cant stand his stupid pretty ugly face. this was so good, sage. SO FUCKING GOOD!!!!!!! i cannot wait for game over because huhusadhajskdjak ok bye

GENIE I’M FUCKING WHEEZING AT UR REACTION PLEASEEEEEENSNSB

first of all YES LITERALLY?? like off she goes to college </3 i’m lowkey sad it’s over like this is our baby fr

FIRST OF ALL NOT LAUGHING AT HOON CRYING IN THE DARK?!/!!/ GENIE PLSSSS i literally CACKLED when i read it bc same i wrote it while rolling my eyes bc why tf are u sad hoe. u don’t have the right to be sad.

also y/n can keep sunghoe we literally do not want him anywhere near us thankfully jake and jay r still single 💍 don’t be shy now jakey pookie come over here

THE “uh i just left town bye” AND “I SAID SHOW ME HOW SORRY NOT FUCK ME HARD” IM FUCKIFN CRYINGGGG GENIE IM ACTUALLY CRACKING UP I SWEAR TO GOD UR REACTIONS R ALWAYS THE BEST U NEVER FAIL TO MAKE ME LAUGH

& to finish things off, as genie once said, ONCE A HOE ALWAYS A HOE !!!! sunghoe will never learn and he’ll probably break y/ns heart AGAIN . i just didn’t have it in me to give them a sad ending </3 she should’ve ended up with jake

THANK U SO MUCH FOR UR KIND WORDS GENIE MY LOVE <3 i’m super excited for u to read game over, now that sunghoe is gone it’s time for fratboy hoeseung…. i don’t think we’re ready for this :’) I LOVE U HOE THANK U ONCE AGAIN FOR HELPING ME OUT without u bed of lies part four would’ve never happened 🫶🫶

#bed of lies #sage ; feedback ! #❤️‍🩹 genie #u literally had me giggling I CANT WITH U

[mythoughtsforyourpenny]

i started a new type of therapy yesterday

somatic therapy

the therapist looked exactly like what you think someone with the title somatic therapist would look like

long, white cardigan

long, black and white polka dot dress

graying hair pulled back in a loose bun

light eyes, soft voice

she told me she liked me

and she doesn't usually say that to her clients

but she just felt like i had a warm presence

i told her it was you

i told her i've always joked that everything good about me comes from you and everything bad about me comes from him

"i know that isn't actually true, but..." always quickly follows

he taught me how to make scrambled eggs

i still think about him every single time i crack an egg

even when i make eggs differently than how he showed me

eggs in a bowl, whisk with a for until it's all the same color, put a small drip of egg on the pan to make sure it's hot enough, pour out the eggs, move the edges inward so they don't stick

when i make eggs that way i remember him more

but i also make them my own way now

different from how he taught me, i think just for the sake of it

no need to check the temperature since im old enough now to know when a pan is hot, crack the eggs directly into the pan, just scramble them when they're in the pan, what's the point of making an extra dish dirty

mom always said every time you'd cook you'd use every dish in the house

i forget what the point of this was

something about trying to distance myself from him

something about making sure every single day that im nothing like him

something like that

i started a new type of therapy yesterday

somatic therapy

i cried a lot

the rubber band started tight and loosened over the session

i told her it was easier for me to lose it in front of her than people i actually know and love and who love me back

she said she was hearing that i had needed to manage someone else's emotions, maybe my father's, maybe his anger

i nodded enthusiastically

she said with sincerity "that sound like a lot" when i told her about the last 5--god is it 6 now?--years

wow, you're right huh?

that does sound like a lot

"that does sound like a lot for a k--"

"i found myself about to say that it sounds like a lot for a kid"

"since my mom died i feel like im fluctuating between 16 and 4"

she thanked me for my time, i thanked her for hers

we set up our new session time

mondays, 10:30am

fuck, i think i need to break up with my other therapist

mondays, 3:00pm

"remember to check in with yourself, you may feel--well, i sometimes call it an 'emotional hangover', have you heard of that before?"

i told her i had heard the term before, but associated it with feeling embarrassed after being vulnerable

she meant it as being stuck in the emotions that we had explored together

i told her im more like to get embarrassed about being vulnerable but reiterated that thats why i like this dynamic

shes a professional and i dont have to worry about her feelings

"i don't like being perceived" i told her

and i meant it

i dont feel embarrassed about yesterday

but i do feel preemptive embarrassment for when i tell people about the session

maybe she was right after all though

i think ill probably spend the day in bed today

[eggydev]

talking about abuse and neglect

dont worry about reading this if you're not in a good headspace.

I'm in my 30s. I never intended to live past 30, and I'm 32 currently. It's hard to describe- the feelings I feel about it. For the longest time, I struggled with what exactly caused my ongoing depression and anxiety- not to mention me having to figure out myself having autism/audhd in my adult years around my 20s.

I've talked to my brother about this, but for me, my mother is someone who was split into 3 different people.

1: The mother I had and needed- lasted all of 4 years in my life. I remember her vividly; someone who would read bedtime stories to me and my brother, someone who would sing us to sleep and do absolutely everything she could to love and raise us. Someone I see in old family photos and videos and get teary-eyed just remembering.

2: The "person" who she turned into after she met That Man and his kids. My mom had me at age 23. She never thought she was capable of becoming pregnant, because the women in my family always struggled to conceive. When she found out she was pregnant, she was ecstatic, but she also didn't want to give up her partying lifestyle, and wanted to keep going out. She was obsessed with a type of "fitting in" lifestyle like that of a teenager. She's still like that.

She let That Man into our lives, and it fucked us over for the rest of our lives up until now. That Man and his kids did unspeakable things to me and my brother, and not only was my mom aware of it; she actively made it a point to insult/laugh at me and my brother. That Man and his kids, especially his daughter, who was my age, were especially critical about me and my brothers' developing bodies.

There's lots more I could go into, but basically- my mom loved my now ex step-sister. That Girl was everything she wanted her children to be: carbon copies of her, and wanting to party, go drinking and have sex (underage), and felt the need to laugh at me and my brother for being "lame" and "have no social life", while we were between the ages of 7-16 and beyond. She was not a mother. She was a bully, and an abuser. She hated that me and my brother were becoming introverted people- especially me.

After my mom got divorced from That Man after I turned 18- things were already fucked. She had no one to back her up with insulting me and my brother anymore- her high school type mentality was shattered before her eyes and she was scrounging for some sort of way to placate her lack of support. She never apologized to either me and my brother.

3: The Woman. That's all I really see about her. That's all I see her as, now. She's technically my "mother", but she's no different from a distant cousin. She's a shell of whoever she was in the past, and she acts very different now. She tries to be a part of mine and my brother's lives. She's failing at it. When we confront her on the things she used to say and do to us, she breaks down and cries. Why does *she* get to cry? SHE'S the one who did it to us, after all. SHE'S the one who caused her kids to be unable to be and do things they've always wanted to do, because SHE thought it was so pathetic and lame- she had to shut it down no matter what- we couldn't be happy with ourselves because SHE made it a point to make us feel like shit.

She's no one to me. She's my "mother" on paper, but I'll never forgive her. My brother already tore into her- really, really badly. But it's something she NEEDED to hear. Especially from him. My "mother" is afraid of him. Not in a safety kind of way- but in a mental sort of way- because no matter what she has to say as a critique- no matter how small- my brother knows what to say to her and how to say it to make her shut the fuck up like he always wanted to say to her.

She's not a "mother" to me. She talks to me like a neutral person. She only sometimes shows affection like a mother would, I guess. I bite my tongue when she does, because I fight with the struggle of telling her what she did to me those years ago- I wish I could tell her how fucked up she's made me. I just know, though, that she'll just sit there and cry. I won't ever have any kind of "satisfaction" or "closure" or anything from her. And I know, that if I DID confront her about it- it wouldn't do anything. I can't ever forgive her. Never. Not for how she treated us, not for how she failed us as her children and many, many other reasons.

I don't have a "mother", really. I have a "relative"- she's not the same person who I remember back before I started elementary school. She's a shell of a person, and I feel nothing for her. I'll never get those years back that she stole from me. I'll never have the closure I wish I had. Because either "doesn't remember", or she'll just cry about how she "wishes she could take it back". Yet, when we confront her about it, she doubles down and says: "What was I supposed to do? I wanted to keep partying/drinking!" And when my brother tells her: "YOU HAVE KIDS NOW. YOU DON'T GET TO DO THAT SHIT ANYMORE!! That's what it MEANS to be A PARENT."

And she goes quiet. Because she's a moron.

One day, I want to tell her everything I feel, just like my brother was able to. I haven't found the words for it. I'll figure it out, eventually. I'm just busy with myself and my life- trying to heal from the years and years of fucked up shit her and That Man played a part in. I'm in a happy, healthy marriage. I love my husband. I'm still mentally unwell, but I like to know that That Woman who calls herself my mother, can never take that happiness away from me.

This ended up being super long and pretty revealing, so I dont know how long I'll keep it up. But then again, it's *my* diary, right? I'm at a plateau, mentally right now. I could be better, but I'm doing "ok". When it comes to my mother, however, is another story. I'll figure it out on my own, one day. But for now...that's who she is to me- just some family member. She's not the abuser anymore, but she's also not a "mother", either.

She'll never be able to "make it up" to me or my brother. I hope she knows that. I think somewhere, in her ignorant mind, she does know that. She's just afraid to admit or confront it. Mm.

If you read all of this: Thank you. These are things I struggle with every single day of my life. There's so much more I can say and share, but I'm already really drained from sharing this much- or from writing it out.

Be safe.

#eggy posts #longpost #abuse #trauma #child abuse #neglect #parenting

[hikikowhorie]

the sewerslvt trip [tw]

17 off half a tab of acid

it was cinco de mayo

beautiful outside

back when we were just beginning to fall

and only our second time

i was afraid to push him off

afraid of how it'd play

because if he'd held me down

there's no way to shift the blame

i cannot rationalize it in my head

so i begged instead

and i think he may have liked it.

i didnt have enough acid to hallucinate,

i had enough to feel the blood pumping through my veins

i had enough to hear my pulse resonate

enough to see

my skin breathing

the thing i remember most

the grilled fish's ballad

feeling way too much

getting overstimulated

and afraid

sex went from something beautiful to something a little frightening

i tried to back up, tried to make him slow down,

maybe push back a little on his belly

all while the song was building

but he told me he couldnt stop

he told me he didnt want to

and i remember

feeling...confused

and then the alarm rang

bup bup, ba budupup

over

and over

and i realized what was happening to me

the alarm became my voice

screaming for anyone to help

begging him to stop

i asked him "why are you hurting me"

and like a dog

he continued

until he didnt

today its been close enough to a year

close enough

not since that day

but since the last time he assaulted me

because i didnt want him masturbating while i was in his room

i had to be of use

and if i didnt want to be of use

then he's going to do it right here

and i told him no

i did

and then i sat there

dissociating

waiting for him to be done

and i said

i feel like a baby

not like fresh and new

like...

"helpless?"

cue the tears

silently rolling down my cheeks

yes i say

i feel helpless

"yeah?"

he held my face and of course i let him

like a dog, i let him

and while i cried

looking into his eyes

longing for comfort

or respect

for love that 17 year old me waited so long for

instead i tasted his thumb on my tongue

and he came on my work clothes

i dont like being a cum dump and it was always a boundary i had set

but this one really likes to jump the fence

i lost it

and he didnt understand

i told you i didnt want to

and you know i dont like that

now i need to explain why i dont like it

because i dont feel loved

you gave me no love last night

when we fought

and i pushed him away from me

and then he kicked me out

and i never saw him again

his mother called the cops and told them i was lying

screaming he raped me outside his house

i will admit that looks a little crazy

you'd go crazy, too i think

but her baby boy is safe

and the cops brushed me off after they looked up my name

which i did not want to give

but they said they needed it

you can count the times that he "couldnt" stop before that

but i dont think he does

why would he want to

one rape is bad enough but more than three is taboo

the last thing he said to me was keep your mouth shut

it looks bad on resumes

jobs and stuff

its been so long

and i still

dont know what i want

i think i just want to feel okay again

i think ultimately

i want to retrieve what id lost

it feels like i had this big beautiful ball of light

and he took it from me

raped me

abused me

made me cry

and left

and now

im just this fucked up child

with half my clothes on

hearing the grilled fish's ballad

over

and over

and over

and over again

#sewerslvt #sewer slide #tw sa #vent #personal

[journalofabrokenheartedvirgin]

Page 93 (part 1)

Update: They broke up with me on Saturday. I had sent them a good morning text on Thursday and they never replied, which gave me even more anxiety then I already had about all of this shit. I didn’t text them or send any memes or anything the rest of the day or on Friday. Eventually they texted me late on Friday night asking if I wanted to go for coffee the next day. I immediately knew what that meant and I started bawling. Jessica asked how I knew it was a breakup talk or if maybe they just wanted to go out, but I knew, I knew then for sure that they were going to break up with me. I cried for a majority of the night after that until they texted me again basically saying that they were in a funk about our relationship and just need time for themselves but they would explain more the next day. That made me cry harder. Jessica asked me wasn’t this what I wanted, a face to face conversation? I said yes but I just couldn’t believe they were ending it, besides all the little things in the past few weeks, im blindsided, it felt like it was going so well and It was devastating me. The next day we met at the coffee shop and they told me that they didnt have the time, space, or energy to focus or give so much to something serious and that demands so much attachment and emotions, that its for the best we end it now before we get too attached. I told them that I was already there and I was attached. I started crying, which was really embarrassing and I apologized, and they just said I didnt need to apologize and that breakups are hard. They said they wanted to make sure I knew it wasn’t because of me or anything I had done, and in fact I had been “nothing but wonderful and anyone would be lucky to have me” (ugh) but that they just need to focus on the last few months of being here and doing their job and  looking forward to their move and school. I told them I completely understand and that im so incredibly happy and excited for them, which they appreciated. I told them that even though it hurts, that im glad I got to meet them and have the time we did, and they agreed. Although, when I told them id miss them, all they said was I’d be okay, which hurt because does that mean they won’t miss me? Why couldn’t they have said literally anything other than that? And the fact that they didnt seem sad at all kills me, in fact, they looked more like they felt bad for me, which makes me want to die. That is literally so embarrassing to think that they just feel bad because they’re breaking my heart or whatever and that they aren’t actually all that affected. But, what hurt the most, was them saying that if things were different and they were staying, they could have seen us working out long term, and it just fucking sucks, knowing that there had been a possibility that if they hadn’t gotten into Harvard then they would be staying here and we could have been together. Another cliche, oh it happened in another universe or maybe next life ill be in the one where they dont leave and we stay tohether. It always come back to that for me, wanting to feel happy in the idea that somewhere else it might have worked. Hana said that if they had really meant what they said, then they would have been willing to try and make it work because my person will want to go through the hard stuff with me to make it work. That hurt so much to hear and I just wish I could be with them. I already miss them so much, and this is a different kind of pain then if we had broken up in August, because even though I knew what was going to happen, at least they would have been gone, out of San Diego, but now, they are still here, living 10 minutes away from me, and I will have to live for the next 2 months knowing that they are here and I am not getting to be with them, and that is painful as fuck. It’s like with Liam over summer two years ago, where I knew he was back in Florida, and instead of making plans like we had previously, I had to know he was there but never actually get to spend time with him.

#love #breakup #brokenhearted #heartbreak #relationship #journal

[renata02]

I miss my dad.

I wasn't stupid enough to feed myself the illusion that he'd live forever, I have to loose him at some point right? In fact I thought i had trained myself to face the day that the one person I loved more than life itself would have to die and leave me behind and theres nothing I could do about it.

I really thought I was prepared to loose him, that I'd be OK and I'd move on like everyone else due to my profession and having to witness death and what it does on a frequent basis.

But I dont think I have. Does anyone really move on from something like that?

I remember how cold he felt when I reached out to touch him as they carried him away. I couldn't believe that the man I've known for all my life, my only confidant and best friend in the whole world was gone just like that.

I remember crying alot that day, how I began to feel numb inside as the rain fell over me. I didn't want to live the rest my my life without him. I couldn't even picture it at the time.

He wasn't perfect in any shape or form. He had done bad things in this life, made mistakes and I know he had a million regrets that he thought he had time to make right.

But I guess his head stroke had other plans that morning. When I got home I hadn't cried so much in my entire life.

I didn't want to see anyone, didn't want to talk to anyone. And I hated the condolences and apologies that flooded my phone. I just wanted to grieve in peace and relive our memories in my dreams.

After that day I hadn't cried much until the day of the funeral. I had written his eulogy and thought I could read it and be OK but I just broke down before I could finish it. My brother had to hold me and his was the only comfort that meant anything to me at that point.

I think I cried the last bit of my innocence the moment they buried him in the ground. I had felt so empty and afraid of what my life was going to be like without my dad.

My brother and I had always been close since the day I had met him. He lives in the states but always made it his priority to visit as much as his work allowed. Sometimes it felt like we were the only two of my dad's kids that really cared about him. Sure the others did but they never really showed it. The hardly called, barely checked in on him and the few times that he was sick that was the most you'd hear from them.

I haven't cried since that day and it's been a year. I've wanted to but I don't think they'll be able to stop falling if I start. Since he's been gone everything just feels wrong, like either world is out to get me and punish me for whatever reason it has.

I miss talking to him everyday, I miss calling him to make sure he ate something, I miss the way he'd light up when i walk into a room, I miss the way he always tells everyone how proud he is of me. I miss telling him all the things I couldn't say and not ger judged for it.

I miss my dad so fucking much I wished God had taken my breath away so I could have died with him. I wished I didn't have to spend the rest of my life without him. I wished I had died that day too.

#confession

[mamawolfblood]

I am here for you Always 20

Dumbledore sat with me drinking blackberry jasmin tea. "I have something I know you can do Iris." He said explaining my task to me. I gasped looking at the old man as if her were mad. "That is dangerous not to mention illegal. Professor I have respect for you and your work but you are playing with my life, and family." I said still shocked. "Iris you know what Sirius Black has done and who knows where he is. This is something of the utmost importance Iris. I know its hard but I have faith in you ." He said having me go to my next lesson. I was confused because Sirius didn't betray mum or dad.  I have Herbolagy this might be a welcome distraction.

Harry pov

Walking to Hagrid's hut for magic creatures lesson.

Ron and Harmonie were arguing about divination and runes. "Honestly I think both are talents of different disaplins of the same concept." Shadow says coming between Ron and Harmonie. I caught the side eye he was giving Ron. Oh I think  competition has arrived. I had my suspicions that he likes Harmonie but I think Harmonie likes Ron.  "Shadow divination is why muggles don't believe magic exists. It is the only thing a witch or wizard can do infront of a muggle. I for one want to change that when I am minister of magic. All magic should be done in our world. " She said crossing her arms while walking. "Yes but without Muggles our kind would die out. Why do you think there is so many half bloods and muggle borns. The pure blood ideology is wooly a best. "  Shadow said with a bit of a chuckle. "Harry what are they on about?" Ron asked "Oh its just a bit of friendly debating Ron. They a just talking that's all now come dont want to be late." I said as we all gather around  Hagrid's hut.

"Gather round children less chatter if ya don't mind. I got a real treat for you all today a great lesson follow me. " Hagrid said leading us into the woods. Hagrid asked us to open our books and Malfoy ask how. "Stroke the spine of course honestly did no one tell you how that works." Hagrid said Neval was tore into because he didn't open the book correctly.

"Can't believe this wait until my father hears Dumbledore has this idiot teaching classes." Draco said surrounded by Slytherin students. "Shut up Malfoy." I said stepping forward. The Slytherin oooooo and Malfoy laughed. "Come on now this isn't the time of place for this." Shadow said getting between up. Draco looks up and his face turns to fear as he points. "Dementor! Dementor!" He cried out making everyone look. The Slytherin laughed moaning like muggle ghosts. Harmonie and Shadow lead me away. Shadow muttered a curse under his breath. I feel sorry for Draco because it was ment for him I'm sure.

"Isn't he beautiful? Say hello to Buckbeak."Hagrid said getting everyone's attention.  "Hagrid, exactly what is that?" Ron asked "That, Ron, is a hippogriff. First thing you wanna know is they're very proud creatures. Very easily offended. You do not want to insult a hippogriff. It may be the last thing you ever do. Now, who'd like to come and say hello? Well done, Harry. Well done. Come on now. Now... ...you have to let him make the first move. It's only polite. So... ...step up. Give him a nice bow. Then you wait and see if he bows back. If he does, you can go and touch him. If not... Well, we'll get to that later. Just make your bow. Nice and low. Back off, Harry. Back off. Keep still. Keep still. Well done, Harry. Well done. Here, you big brute,* throws ferret*you Right. I think you can go and pat him now. Go on Don't be shy. Nice and slow, now. Nice and slow. Slow. Not so fast, Harry. Slow down, Harry. That's it... Nice and slow. Now let him come to you. Slowly, now, slowly, slowly... That's it... Yes! Well done! Well done, Harry, well done!  I think he may let you ride him now." Hagrid said picking me up."What?" I said shocked "Come on." He said "Hey, hey, hey!" I said trying to get out of his grip. "Put you over here, just behind the wing joint. Don't pull out any of his feathers, because he won't thank you for that."

Buckbeak took off flying around the castle. It was beautiful nothing I have ever experienced before in my entire life. We land back and Hagrid helped me down.

"Well done, Harry, and well done, Buckbeak." Hagrid yells with enthusiasm. "That was wicked, Harry!" Ron said "Oh, please." Draco scoffed.

"Well done, well done. How am I doing me first day?" He asked wanting to do a good job. "Brilliant, professor." I said  making him smile only for it to be ruined by Draco. "You're not dangerous at all, are you, you great ugly brute!" He said strutting up to Buckbeak. "Malfoy, no... No! Buckbeak! Whoa, whoa, whoa... Whoa! Buckbeak! Away, you silly creature..." Hagrid said throwing Buckbeak a ferret. "It's killed me!" Draco wines holding his arm."Calm down. It's just a scratch!" Hagrid tried to calm Draco. I personally would let Buckbeak do worse. I look over at Shadow who has a devilish smirk on his face. Then I remembered the curse from earlier he did this. "Hagrid! He has to be taken to the hospital." Harmonie yelled. "I'm the teacher. I'll do it." Hagrid said picking up Draco. "You're gonna regret this." Draco cried  pathetically it's just a bloody scratch. "Class dismissed!" Hagrid said carrying Draco away. "You and your bloody chicken!" What a wimp I thought as Buckbeak nuzzles me. Little did I know some people were on their way to Hogworts, to try an save Buckbeak.

#original characters #romance #fanfiction #harry potter fanfiction #harmione #fred weasley #george weasley #ron weasley

[firstkokon0is]

tokrev characters when you did the “i told you to look good today” prank to them

lol this trend is quite old but its been on my mind lately but yall can request sum goods to me😁👍

tw: heavy swear words and grammar errors

characters: draken, mikey, mitsuya, baji, chifuyu, hakkai, takemichi.

gn reader

DRAKEN

the moment those words came out of your mouth he just stared at you

while you’re smiling idiot

he will literally just stare at you

“yea same to you” showing a annoying smile

he get the situation, HE KNOWS HE LOOK GOOD SO THIS AINT GNNA WORK

you guys just laugh it off, you didn’t even told him that it was just a prank because he already knew it but will still ask you in the middle of your date

“hey is my style in clothes really aint that good? were you serious? i mean its not that bad…..” he said while looking himself up through his phone camera

“nope, i thought you get the joke but oh well……ken, you look so good everytime yk even if u wear nothing u still can pull it off” you told him and smack his bald head playfully

“yea yeaa i would’ve gone feral if u went and bash my hair instead of my clothes so thats a relief” he respond with a smile

“ken why this hair-”

“aight im leaving”

“no hakahajwlwbsha”

took the joke very well

MIKEY

he spent hours looking for good clothes for this date, there’s clothes everywhere in his room and still “damn…..there’s nothing to wear”

AND WHEN U TOLD HIM THOSE WORDS???

he just pout, told you that he’s sorry, and he spent hours looking for something to wear to match your style and many more reasons

pls apologize to him

but when you told him that its a prank he just pout and said “not a good joke y/n i know you were lying because i really look good, i knew its was a prank”

just agree with him lol

will think of pranks that he could do to you for revenge, literally stressing about it while on the date with you

he wants to say the same thing to you but he can’t because you look beautiful today, just for him, and will smile just looking at you

while walking to the park he will even ask himself “does my style really match them?” “should i be the one to adjust and put my taste on clothes higher?” “i should ask mitsuya about fashion things” his mind is just filled with questions

“mikeyyyyyyy, you look good today i was just doing a silly prank im sorry if that made you feel bad, not gonna lie you’re drippy as fuck”

“i know i know im gonna prank you next time real hard” he said “if i catch you we’re gnna switch wardrobes” he said as he started to chase you around the park

in the end he came over to your place and explore your wardrobe and tried your clothes, he even stole some of your hoodies and shirts.

MITSUYA

overthinks

this mf thinks he looks good no matter what

duh he’s a designer

“well y/n i think you’re right, and i should style you sometimes dont you think?”

your hand went to your mouth so fast

he laughed at your reaction and hug you

“just kidding you look good, we look good i know that trend damn thats old” he said

you smack him playfully for that, his reaction is normal but because of that he wants to be more stylish

he can take a joke yk

after a lot of overthinking he suggests to shopping with you

even though he have some knowledge about designing and how to look good he thinks your taste in clothes is so good

will think that he’s right for you and you’re right for him

he’s your 4lyferss😩

BAJI

he will give you that “excuse me” face with a hand oh his chest because he’s offended as fuck.

“babe stop fooling people, and yourself we both know i look good”

“you dare to bash my drip hell no baby”

will brag his clothes for like 15 minutes just to prove what you’re saying is wrong

“this shirt i brought this online with a nice fabric its not cheap mf”

“my pants, you see this huh? see those sutffs on tiktoks where they style their own pants i did this shit its so cool”

“now now, baby see this shoes? oh dont even get me started but hey you look nice today hehe can i take you on our date now?”

he went from being defensive and screaming proving his shit right to his signature smile

by just that he already made your day, you really cant out keisuke baji

because he is baji, he will look good for you, and you look good for him, he will joke you around, tease you a lot, you will also do the same to him.

100% can take a fucking joke. and it will be like a competition to him.

CHIFUYU

confused baby

im sure you feel a lot of guilt rn

because baby panicked

will suggest to go back to his house and change his clothes if you want

pls apologize 😭

almost cried because he thinks he’s a bad boyfriend again lol

will spat a lot if reason like, he’s in hurry, he’s been overthinking this date since last night.

but boy he look good actually he has drip

“nononono baby, you look good i just saw the thing on tiktok so i thought it will be funny but damn im sorry i-” you didn’t even finish when he laughed

“ohhhhhh yeaaaa that trend fuck, how could i forget, nice one you got me there god dammit ill take revenge sometimes” he said laughing slightly

well he’s always on tiktok, have some few vid too, actually some went viral bc of takemichi being dumb

just like mitsuya too, will suggest to just go shopping with him and tell him what kind of clothes that you’re interested in

would love to buy your clothes for you but he’s just a broke middle schooler but he promised you that both of you will shopping someday

he took that prank seriously but when he knew that it was a joke its fine

life goes on for him

HAKKAI

oh my god please y/n why

you always complement his style because its true he has some style

after you told him that he will just scratch the back of his neck and said

“my other clothes are still wet haha…..i mean i dont look bad i mean……”

apologize, drop on your knees and do it.

nah jk

u gave in a small laugh and said sorry to him

he know about this trend actually but he never actually expect you to have the guts to do that to him

he knew about his shy personality and he knew that you know about this

he’s not offended just taken by surprise that you actually did that to him

“well anyways i dont care about me you look good today y/n”

you immediately regret saying those stuffs to him bc he’s sweet hot and respectful

but its a joke anyways he enjoyed the silly joke

he knew he look good lmao

yuzuha will be hearing this

she will prolly scold you for doing that

are you gnna repeat the silly prank again?

TAKEMICHI

💀💀💀💀💀

he will run

run back to his home attack his wardrobe and find a good clothes

ofc you feel bad so you followed him

you saw him looking for a new clothes to wear

you told him its a prank but he still didn’t want to go out looking like that

so you just decided to style him yourself

he thinks you’re right

he looks bad, his style is not it

but overall happy for pranking him and making him realize that he need to be as your same style

“takemichi, look i dont care…..whoever told you that you look bad i will kick their face, to me what ever you wear your fun personality and the reason that i fell inlove with you wont disappear” you put a hand on the top of his head and he just

cried.

“im sowwyyy- i- i cant look good- fuck ughhghuh- please dont leave me i-” he’s crying mess on your chest

“STOP CRYING DAMMIT YOU ALWAYS LOOK GOOD,”

you will never prank him again

no pls dont do it again

#tokyo revengers #draken #mikey #mitsuya #hakkai #chifuyu headcanons #takemichi #baji #tokyo revengers x reader #lol imma edit this when i feel like it #this trend is rotten but i cant stop thinking about it #baji’s reaction is funnier in my mind akowhdkan