#I WAS THERE! AFTER WAITING FOR 11 YEARS I FINALLY SAW HIM LIVE!

[sl-ut]

ceilings

PART TWO

GUYS I DONT THINK YOU UNDERSTAND HOW AMAZING THE RESPONSE TO THE FIRST PART OF THIS WAS!!!! IM ACTUALLY SO SORRY FOR MAKING YOU ALL WAIT LIKE FIVE MONTHS FOR PT 2 BUT HERE IT IS!!! I REWROTE IT LIKE SEVEN TIMES SO I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT (its not exactly how i wanted it to be but its here so pls stop harassing me ab it lol) (jk i love being harassed by you guys) (love u all)

pairing: ellie williams x fem!reader

description: ellie is put on the spot, but it seems that her choice has already been made.

warnings: MENTIONS AND (non-explicit) DEPICTIONS OF DOMESTIC AND CHILD ABUSE, swearing, allusions to nsfw situations, misogyny, alcohol consumption, mentions of guns, ellie is stupid af

words: 8.7K

date posted: 18/11/23

part one

From a very young age, Y/n had developed a deep understanding in regards to her place in the world. Girls like her did not ride out into the face of danger, nor did they scour the ruins of what was once a flourishing society for even the slightest chance of survival. Girls like her did not fight or talk back, instead they were quiet and followed orders so that someone might feel inclined to protect them. She had learned these lessons from no one other than her father. 

He had never been a kind man; the type that would send even the bravest of souls running the other way with his piercing stare and bulging muscles. He had started off with a considerably large group, only to find himself off on his own all thanks to his frighteningly short temper and his alcoholic tendencies. For a few years, he wandered through the woods on his own, tearing his way through small survivalist groups as if he, himself, had been infected, until he came across a young woman hiding out in an abandoned motel. Unlike usual, he hadn’t immediately reached for his blade at the sight of her, and instead found himself feeling in need of some human contact after so much time on his own, and offered her his protection for the nonrefundable price of her body. Scared, alone, and hungry, Y/n’s mother was quick to fall into routine with the man, finding comfort under his protection and returning it whenever he saw fit. 

Y/n often tried to imagine the man who had been so frightening to anyone who crossed his path; Almost as wide as he was tall, rippling muscles beneath weathered and scarred skin, a seemingly permanent sneer carved into his face. It was difficult to picture him as such, especially when he had been so unwell since they had arrived in Jackson. He’d been bitter since that very day, never wanting to feel like he might be indebted to somebody else, though Y/n’s mother had convinced him that neither of them would be able to survive the winter this year, especially considering that Y/n had contracted a terrible cough and was showing signs of oncoming pneumonia. To this day, he made it very clear that he only chose to stay because he knew that there was no chance of convincing Y/n’s mother to leave her behind. The years hadn’t been kind to him–the sudden transition from living on the run to such a comfortable life caused a dramatic physical transformation, and allowed his age to finally catch up to him. 

Her father was among the most humiliating parts of her life in Jackson, everyone recognising him immediately to be a raging old fool who was all-too reliant on the bottle to take away the pain of his aching bones. He’d also settled more comfortably into his role of a deadbeat husband and father, finding Y/n and her mother to be even more irritating now than when they relied on him for everything; they’d both been left to cover up bruises with clothing and excuses of clumsiness rather than admit where they’d really come from. 

Her relationship with her mother was almost more difficult to explain. 

From the time that Y/n was old enough to remember, her mother had been telling her that their lives were owed to her father in every sense of the matter. Y/n’s mother didn’t hate her, that much was clear, but it was also very plain to see that she considered her daughter to be quite a disruption of her life. Things had been much easier before she had been born–all that she needed to do to survive was to make herself available for his use and boost his ego, now she needed to not only fend for herself, but fend for her child as well. Y/n’s father had no emotional or moral obligations to her, and had even tried to leave her behind after they’d figured out that she’d been knocked up. After Y/n was born, he still considered dumping the two of them–what kind of use would a woman be if there was the chance of her getting pregnant again? It was only because of some kind of divine blessing that he found it within himself to keep them around. After coming to Jackson, her loyalty to him never strayed, and the slight resentment that she already harboured for her child grew.

Y/n fit into the everyday routine of Jackson residents almost too easily. She quickly came to enjoy the new aspects of her life in the commune such as school, taking part in daily chores, community events, and most of all, interacting with her peers. They were all so kind to her, praising her when she did well at something, and comforting her when she didn’t. People told her she was pretty and smart and funny, all of the things that her parents did not. She did not need to resort to loaning out her body for a meal, nor did she need to cower in the face of safety. At school, boys flocked to her every whim, because they genuinely wanted her, not because she was playing into their sick mind games in hopes of survival. Things such as praise, safety, and happiness were handed to Y/n so easily, while her mother had to fight tooth and nail for them. The complex relationship between Y/n and her family could not easily be explained, but those native to the commune had quickly come to their own conclusions about the trio.

Things did not remain as easy for Y/n as she had once seen them as. Those unfiltered adoring comments of pretty and smart, quickly led down a dark path and became dumb and slut and fat. There was a pattern in her life, all of those who started with the kind words would always end up saying the others at some point, though it wasn’t until Dina began saying them that it truly bothered her.  

Everything that Y/n was to the people in Jackson, Dina was too, only better. She was the kind of girl who couldn’t be stopped when she put her mind to something, and was loyal to the very end, which is what made it so difficult when she turned her back on Y/n. 

There were very few limits that Y/n had when it came to the brunette girl. She was the type of person whose laughter could warm the soul, and whose praise was comparable to a badge of honour. Y/n would take up new hobbies or interests, even some things that she never really even liked in order to have more things in common with her, and at one point, would have considered her to be her closest friend; Each time a new boy broke her heart, Dina was there to comfort her; Each time her father grabbed her a little too tightly, Dina would force her to spend the night and help her ice her bruises. There was quite literally nothing in the world that Y/n wouldn’t do for her, something she had never felt for anyone, ever, until Jesse came into the picture. 

He was the first guy their age who hadn’t shown an immediate interest in Y/n, which was quite refreshing, so she made no opposition when Dina suggested that they invite him to hang out. The first pinch of regret came a few weeks later when her friend finally confessed her feelings for Jesse. With every guy that had ever been around her, she’d never felt an ounce of jealousy when it came to other girls.

Until then. 

***

Ellie has never felt longing like this before. Of course, she had experienced the embarrassingly naïveness that came along with having a crush on someone before, both with Cat and briefly with Dina, but she had never genuinely felt what it was like to want someone in the soul-crushing way that came with the early stages of love, let alone with someone who made it quite clear that they wanted nothing to do with Ellie. Her bed felt much colder than it ever had before, and nights seemed to drag on rather than how she used to pray for just a few extra minutes. She couldn’t help but wonder how she had managed to fuck up everything up so badly that withing a few days, she had gone from wanting to keep her relationship a secret to wondering if she even was in a relationship anymore.

Well, to be completely fair, Ellie had made it quite clear to Y/n time and time again that they were most certainly not girlfriends. They were just two girls who had romantic interest in one another who spent most of their time together doing things that girlfriends might do with one another. But they definitely weren’t dating, so it really shouldn’t have bothered her when she began to notice the attention that Y/n had been receiving from the new girl. 

It was rare for Ellie to see either of them apart from one another. In fact, Y/n seemed to have made a genuine and successful effort in avoiding Ellie as much as possible in the days that had passed since they had last spoken at the Tipsy Bison. She would spot her from afar sometimes, walking in stride with her seemingly new best friend, and would watch her from a distance until her figure disappeared out of sight. On the odd occasion where Y/n’s shift in the stables lined up with Ellie’s patrol, Shimmer’s reins would be silently handed over to her, accompanied only with a blank stare and deaf ears when Ellie attempted any sort of small talk. When this happened, Ellie’s pale cheeks flushed red and her shoulders slumped in embarrassment as she tried to ignore Jesse’s awkward chuckling. 

The only thing that made it worse was the undeniable fact that Erin had publicly staked some sort of claim over Y/n. In public, she was unashamed to be near her, to touch her, and to speak to her. She didn’t feel the need to pull her into dark corners just to utter a few words, and she didn’t seem put off by any sort of reputation or rumours being spread about herself just from being seen with her. Ellie felt almost territorial when it came to Y/n, in a way she truly never had before. Any time that she noticed one or both or Erin’s hands to slip across Y/n’s waist or lower back, the auburn haired girl had to rely on her last shred of sanity not to rush over and beat her to a pulp or tear her hand right off. For the unforeseeable future, Ellie decided that her best course of action would be to become as much of a hermit as possible, even thinking as far as asking Jesse to bring her dinner every night to avoid the dining hall, though she knew better; Her friends would be utterly useless in helping her in this situation, as Dina didn’t even know what was going on and Jesse, well…

The boy had been fairly understanding of Ellie’s feelings on the situation. He knew firsthand how his own girlfriend felt about Y/n, even more in detail than Ellie did. He admitted to her that he genuinely liked Y/n, but chose to avoid her purely out of respect for Dina, though made sure to tell her what an idiot Ellie had been if she actually had feelings for her. He had successfully perfected the art of tough love, and made sure that Ellie felt every bit of it.

She truly hadn’t been looking forward to her patrol shift with Jesse, knowing that it would be nothing more than yet another therapy session; what Dina was mad at him for this week, the crazy dream he had last night, the weird bump on his ass… Only this time, there was a much larger issue at hand that turned the need for therapy to Ellie rather than him, and she knew that there was practically nothing that could have prevented Doctor Jesse, LMHC from joining her that morning. 

“You know, I really don’t think it’s as big of a deal as you think it is.”

Ellie shook her head, “Says you. You see Y/n walking your way and you run the other direction.” 

“Well, you know how Dina is.”

She sent him a pointed glare.

“For me, that is.” He continued, “I’m her boyfriend.”

“And I’m her best friend.”

Jesse tilted his head with raised brows, “Meaning that you are irreplaceable. Me, on the other hand, could be replaced by anyone given the chance that Dina’s standards suddenly go up. Will she be pissed? Definitely, but there’s no way that she would ever wanna stop being friends with you over this.”

Ellie wasn’t sure whether this was the most intelligent or idiotic thing that Jesse had ever said. She certainly hoped that her relationship with Dina was strong enough that anyone that she would be looking to pursue romantically would not be too much of an issue, though the dark-haired girl tended to be quite unpredictable and Ellie couldn’t rely on hope. Dina was the first friend that she had made in Jackson, the first person who didn’t treat her like a wild animal who’d been spooked, the first person who actually accepted her into the community. How could she risk losing her?

“And not to light a fire under your ass or anything,” he sent her a pointed look, “But word on the street is that she and Erin are getting pretty close, if you know what I mean.”

Ellie narrowed her eyes at him, “Oh, fuck you. ‘Word on the street,’ my ass. As far as everyone else knows, she doesn’t even like girls. By next week, the rumours will start and then everything will be back to normal. I guess it’s my own fault for thinking that–” She coughed and cut herself off.

“For thinking that she actually liked you?” Jesse finished for her, smirking at the dangerous glare that wordlessly confirmed his thoughts. “Have you ever considered that maybe she feels the same way?” There was a beat of silence before he continued, “Think about it, every guy in Jackson told her the same things you probably did, and the second they got what they wanted…”

“No, I’m not like those fuckers. I never told anyone anything about what happened between us. Those guys, she told me that half of the stuff they say about her isn’t even true.”

“So is spreading rumours really that much more hurtful than being too embarrassed that you were even together?”

Was it? This whole time, she had been consoling herself with the idea that she would be better than the others–all of those guys who called her a slut behind her back, all of those guys who used her for her body, the guys who stole away pieces of her until she genuinely had very little respect for herself to prevent anyone from hurting her like that again, Ellie included. Especially when, during the last few days, Ellie had been no better, wondering how much Y/n could’ve liked her at all if she was moving on so fast, wondering if all of those rumours might have had some kind of truth to them at all. There she was, throwing herself a pity party over her unrequited feelings, when she had been the one who had been emotionally unavailable, not Y/n. 

“Am I good, or what?” Jesse laughed, “Seriously, do you think Maria would be open to starting a therapy business in Jackson?” 

“Or what,” Ellie responded a moment later, “But she might, God knows I’ll need a session after this.”

***

Y/n had always had it in the back of her mind that everything happened for a reason. Every bruise was a fight that she survived, every sickness was a reminder that she was still alive, and every heartbreak was a love that simply wasn’t meant to be–a sign that the one was still out there. A large part of her wanted it to be Ellie, even more so than how she wanted it to be every guy that came before her. Y/n thought that Ellie was different than the others, she didn’t just smile charmingly as whisper pretty words before going off on her merry way, instead preferring to stay in bed for a while after they would sleep together, actually listening to what she had to say and responding in a way that let her know that she was genuinely interested. 

But alas, Ellie had been no better than the rest. Of course, Y/n had been used to this kind of thing, so there was a bit of a routine that she’d gotten used to. It was worse this time, though, even worse than the very first–but the routine was strict, and didn’t allow her to shed any more tears than she could help, and so the cycle began again. 

Y/n wasn’t stupid, despite what the others said, and she could very easily see what Erin wanted from her, though she was determined to make this time different. If she was fated to undergo the same heartache time and time again, she would hold it off as long as she possibly could. Any attempt made by the blonde to take their relationship further than a friendship would be ignored until Y/n decides that she was ready for it, though the ease that she found when it came to swerving her advances began to bring up another question in her mind; Was she really that interested in Erin? Or was she really that desperate for attention that she was willing to jump to the next person who even glanced in her direction? 

The question gnawed on her for days. Everytime Erin touched her, it felt as if someone had brought flame to her flesh, and not even in the same way that it had been with Ellie, nor any of the others that came before. Perhaps she was simply just more aware of the issue at hand than she had been before–that much was undeniable at this point. She made a real effort to put a bit of distance between Erin and herself, deciding that, if something were to happen between them, it wouldn’t be quite so easy as it had been in the past. She could tell that this bothered Erin to some degree; Her pink lips always turned into a scowl when she wouldn’t receive any more than a peck, and her wandering hands often caused the girl to stiffen, but she had yet to say anything about it, instead putting on a sickeningly sweet smile and changing the subject to something much more lighthearted. 

It would seem that Erin was less discreet about their relationship with other Jackson residents than she was around Y/n. Apparently, it was a hot bit of gossip around Jackson, considering that the girl who had a pretty scandalous reputation when it comes to men seemingly had switched teams. Her sexuality wasn’t exactly a new discovery for herself, but she’d never actually been with another girl until Ellie, and no one even knew about that. Generally, Y/n wasn’t concerned about what other people her age thought of her, as there was very little that they hadn’t already said about her, but the way that she was viewed by the older generations of Jackson residents was something that she was very conscious of. 

She’d had quite a close relationship with Maria for quite some time now, and in turn, Tommy as well. The married couple were the unofficial leaders of Jackson, and often took it upon themselves to check in on those around town that may need a bit of extra help or care. They both viewed her as someone who has overcome quite a lot in the short time that she’d been on Earth, and yet, she was miraculously able to fit into the status quo quite easily. 

A few years after he arrived in Jackson, Tommy’s brother, Joel, took up another caring role within her life, just as he had done with several other Jackson residents who were around her age or younger. Y/n quite liked Joel, and not only because of his close relation to Ellie. In fact, Y/n had somewhat of a friendship started with Joel long before she had even spoken to Ellie for the first time, finding some comfort in his unshakeable fatherly instincts; Offering her a small cup of precious coffee or another sweater when he noticed a tremble in the cold, or a gentle reminder that she could tell him about anybody giving her a hard time. He once told her that she reminded him of a stray cat, constantly showing up on his doorstep time and time again after he’d given her a scrap of food once, and now he was forced to practically adopt her as a consequence of his actions. There was hardly anything that she wouldn’t tell him, which was why she was quite excited when Tommy suggested that she start out her paired patrolling duties with him at her side. 

Joel was mostly quiet on patrols, usually offering small grunts in response her pestering questions or a stifled laugh, doing his best to seem unimpressed with her foolishness, but unable to hide the admiration he seemed to have for the young girl who seemed so unfazed by the things she had been forced to face in this world. He always made sure to ask her about her own wellbeing, usually when they would stop to pick at the sandwiches that Maria had packed for them.

“Anyone givin’ you any trouble?” He would always ask, quickly followed up by, “Aside from what you go lookin’ for, that is.”

At this, she would usually give him a little explanation of her personal life; Who she had spoken to the day before, who she thought was nice and who wasn’t… Joel wasn’t usually one for gossip, but he didn’t mind having to listen to her drone on about what the Jackson youths were up to lately, especially when it may or may not concern Ellie. 

“And your daddy?” He always asked her this at some point or another. It was no secret around Jackson that her father wasn’t exactly the nicest guy around, especially towards his daughter, nor was her mother doing much to look out for her. “He treating you and your momma alright?”

Her lips tightened into a grimace, stuffing a large bite of her sandwich into her mouth, “Same as always.”

“He hurtin’ you at all? You know if he is–”

“He isn’t. Not since last time.” She affirmed, peering intently down at the half-mauled sandwich in her lap, “Besides, you’ve got bigger fish to fry; Don’t think I haven’t heard about Miss Gonzalez bringing you that apple pie last week.”

“It was pecan, actually.” Joel groaned, shaking his head and hiding his smirk, “You’re talkin’ to me about my love life?”

Y/n chewed her bottom lip, “Didn’t take you as the type to listen to rumours, Miller.”

“‘M not talkin’ about any rumours.” He gave her a firm look, one that knew far more than she had expected. “A girl as smart as you can’t’ve forgotten whose backyard you’ve been sleeping over in.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He rolled his eyes, “‘M not tryin’ to pry, I only mean…fuck. All ‘m tryin’ to say is that I think you make her happy. I know she and I aren’t exactly in the best place, but that’s all I want for her. Startin’ to think she makes you pretty happy, too.”

“Yeah, well,” Y/n scoffed, trying to reign in any bitterness she felt towards the girl, “Not happy enough.” She forced the remainder of her sandwich into her mouth, her words coming out muffled, “Let’s get moving, it’s gonna be dark soon.”

***

Y/n had always had it in the back of her mind that everything meant something. Every bruise was a fight that she survived, every sickness was a reminder that she was still alive, and every heartbreak was a love that simply wasn’t meant to be–a sign that the one was still out there. A large part of her wanted it to be Ellie, even more so than how she wanted it to be every guy that came before her. Y/n thought that Ellie was different than the others, she didn’t just smile charmingly as whisper pretty words before going off on her merry way, instead preferring to stay in bed for a while after they would sleep together, actually listening to what she had to say and responding in a way that let her know that she was genuinely interested. 

But alas, Ellie had been no better than the rest. Of course, Y/n had been used to this kind of thing, so there was a bit of a routine that she’d gotten used to. It was worse this time, though, even worse than the very first–but the routine was strict, and didn’t allow her to shed any more tears than she could help, and so the cycle began again. 

Y/n wasn’t stupid, despite what the others said, and she could very easily see what Erin wanted from her, though she was determined to make this time different. If she was fated to undergo the same heartache time and time again, she would hold it off as long as she possibly could. Any attempt made by the blonde to take their relationship further than a friendship would be ignored until Y/n decides that she was ready for it, though the ease that she found when it came to swerving her advances began to bring up another question in her mind; Was she really that interested in Erin? Or was she really that desperate for attention that she was willing to jump to the next person who even glanced in her direction? 

The question gnawed at her silently as she waited patiently for Erin to return with her second drink. She hadn’t really been in the mood to drink that night, but it was either that or be left alone with her thoughts, and they had been less than kind towards her lately. But going to the Tipsy Bison also heightened her chances of coming face to face with Ellie again, and she wasn’t entirely sure of how to act if she were to confront her again, just as she had last time. 

Her fingers scraped at the sticky residue that had been smeared across the tabletop, shoulders hunched and eyes cast downwards to avoid drawing any additional attention to herself. Her mind felt hazy, likely a combination of the little food she’d consumed that day and the drink that she’d already finished, leaving her blissfully unaware of the attention that she actually was receiving. It was different from the way that people normally looked at her, either in awe or resentment, instead proving a general concern for the girl who would normally be jumping to be in the middle of the dance floor or joining the few musicians in Jackson on stage for a song or two. This girl was very different from the latter, the charming smile that she would normally wear had turned into a small pout, and her normally wide and wondrous eyes were dull and bored. 

A hand touched her shoulder, drawing her out of the daze that she hadn’t even realised that she’d been in. Maria appeared at her side, a warm smile on her lips as she scanned the surprised expression of the younger woman, soon followed by her husband.

“Oh,” Y/n shook her head slightly as her posture straightened, “Hey, Maria, Tommy.” 

“Y/n,” Tommy nodded at her, “How you doin’ tonight?”

She shrugged in response, “Good.”

Maria squeezed her shoulder, “You sure? Are you feeling alright? You look a little pale.”

Y/n suppressed the minor tug of annoyance at their persistence, “Fine. Just a little tired.” 

The couple shared a knowing glance. Y/n was not the first girl in Jackson to hold the kind of reputation that she did, though very few others had their entire lives put out on display for the rest of town to judge. People talk, and between their words and the physical state that she was in, there was nothing that she could do or say to make them believe her. 

Tommy cleared his throat, “Heard you did well out on patrol today. Joel’s thinkin’ that a little while longer ‘n you’ll be on your way to doin’ it full time. That sound good?”

Y/n didn’t go on patrol often, but anyone who was physically capable of going was put on the schedule at least once a rotation. Having not been out too many times, she tended to get paired up with others who truly knew what they were doing, though Joel Miller seemed to be her main partner, which was an especially bizarre situation considering that Ellie was practically his daughter, no matter how impossibly strained their relationship may have been. Joel had always been nice to her, never too harsh when she made mistakes, nor was he a major softie who let her away with shit. Things had been a bit tense one morning when they had run into one another before their patrol in his backyard, where she had been sneaking out of Ellie’s garage-turned home in the early hours of the morning. It was a bit of an unspoken understanding of each other–both had fallen into the bittersweet situation of caring just a little too much about Ellie Williams. 

It made her chest swell knowing that he’d been praising her to his brother, but if he’d truly been bringing up the little bit of good that she’d done, he’d surely growled about how clumsy she’d been after their converstation, falling off her horse, losing the map to the wind…Hell, she’d almost shot him on accident from sneezing! Of course, even Joel Miller would be talking poorly about her behind her back, just like everyone else.

“That all he said?” She asked, tired eyes turning to the man.

He shrugged, adjusting his belt buckle uncomfortably as he shifted his weight, “That’s the gist of it, anyways. Say, you wouldn’t mind filling in on the late morning shift tomorrow, would ya? Eugene’s got a stomach bug and can’t seem to go more than twenty minutes without…well, you know.”

She tilted her head, glancing between the married couple in confusion. She’d never been asked to take on a patrol shift more than once every three weeks, let alone twice within a few days of each other. 

“I know you aren’t normally on the schedule this regularly, and I wouldn’t ask if I weren’t in such a bind.”

“I mean, I don’t really mind, but I’m supposed to work in the stables tomorrow.”

Another figure appeared before anyone else could speak, the loud clink of two glasses hitting the table as Erin’s smiling face filled Y/n’s vision. 

“What’d I miss?” She asked, eyes shifting between the couple and the girl she’d walked away from only minutes earlier. She slid a glass across the table to Y/n, who eagerly accepted it and took a large gulp. 

“Not much, Tommy was just telling us about how great Y/n was on patrol yesterday.” Maria smiled, patting her shoulder gently. 

Erin turned to Y/n with an amused grin, “Oh yeah?”

“So great that she’s even taking over Eugene’s shift tomorrow. I’d say she’s on her way to becoming a big hot shot around here,” Maria grinned, “Everyone will be talking about you soon enough.”

“More than they already do, you mean,” Erin chuckled, completely ignorant to the glance that both Tommy and Maria sent her as she turned to Y/n with furrowed brows, “And here I was all excited to work together in the stables tomorrow morning.”

Y/n glanced down at the amber liquid in her glass before downing it all in one gulp, cheeks beaming with embarrassment, “I mean, it’s an emergency. I really don’t mind, and I don’t think the horses will miss me too much.”

Tommy nodded, thanking Y/n once more before guiding Maria away with a hand on her lower back, departing from the pair with a farewell before disappearing into the crowd. Y/n’s eyes followed them until they couldn’t anymore, then found themselves locked onto an eerily familiar gaze. Ellie leaned against the opposite side of the bar, clad in her favourite black flannel and nursing her own drink as she blatantly ignored Jesse and Dina as they bickered playfully next to her. She seemed a bit surprised when their eyes met, but offered her a small nod as a greeting. Y/n’s brain scanned through all of her options; She could have run over to her, jumped into her arms and announced her love, she could have turned to Erin and chose to make Ellie jealous, but instead, she simply looked away.

“You okay?” Erin’s hand graced the small of her back, her body suddenly closer than she had previously been. “Shit, you feel kinda warm. You’re not sick, are you?”

Y/n shook her head, finally glancing back to the blonde girl at her side, “I’m fine, just tired. Maybe a little tipsy.”

Erin’s laugh sounded like wind chimes as it fell from her lips, “A little? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you down two drinks so quickly.” Her eyes fluttered, hooded eyelids drooping as she lowered her voice, “If you’re not having fun, we can always leave early.” 

The game she was playing was a dangerous one. She’d been down this road before, leaving early and spending the next few hours wrapped up in their sheets. Not this time, though, she decided as she nodded, allowing Erin to lead her out of the bar and into the empty, dimly lit streets. The walk was quiet, their fingers laced together to keep each other grounded, and Y/n didn’t miss the sideways glances being sent her way. Her doorstep finally came into view, and she knew that she needed to come up with a plan.

“This is me,” she sighed, moving to unlace their fingers and make a quick escape before her back was pressed firmly against the railing of the doorstep, “Thanks for walking me.”

“Hey,” Erin’s fingers latched onto her chin, turning her gaze up to meet her own, “Can I come in? We can just… I don’t know, hang out?”

Y/n’s cheeks warmed at her sly grin, and the alcohol was telling her to agree, “I don’t know, my parents are here.”

“We could go to my place?” The blonde suggested hopefully, “My brother won’t be home till later, and I really don’t wanna say goodbye yet.”

“Erin–”

“You look so pretty tonight,” she continued, her thumb rising to trace over Y/n’s bottom lip lightly. Her eyes narrowed, focusing on the curve of her lips intently before she finally lurched forward and connected them to her own. 

For a moment, Y/n let it happen. This was her safe place, her routine, and it was difficult for her to deny herself of it regardless of what she felt towards Erin. Finally, she leaned her head back, parting from her with a wet noise and a sniffle. Her eyes burned with the oncoming tears, tears that she couldn’t even begin to explain or understand.

“Come back with me,” Erin whispered.

“I just–I’m really tired.”

“We can go to bed,” Erin smirked.

“Seriously, Erin. I’m like, really, really tired.”

An annoyed expression cracked across her features quicker than Y/n was even able to comprehend, as if she had been masking it the whole time, “Really? You’re still playing this little game of yours?”

Y/n tilted her head in confusion, “What?”

“Don’t act so innocent,” The blonde sneered, taking a step back and placing her hands firmly on her hips, “You’ve been stringing me along this whole time. I don’t know who told you that this little innocent act was cute, because it’s really not, nor is it very convincing. I mean, what’s keeping you from putting out like you’ve done with everyone else?”

“Excuse me?” A tear slid down Y/n’s cheek.

Erin shook her head, scoffing at her as she turned around, stalking off into the night without another word, leaving behind a trembling figure in the darkness as the creaking of the front door echoed in the silence.

“You got something you wanna tell me?”

***

Ellie couldn’t figure out which was worse, the blistering heat inside the bar or the bitter winter air that flooded her veins the moment that she stepped out into the street. For a split second, she almost followed the instinct to retreat back inside and find refuge in the warmth before remembering exactly what had brought her out into the cold to begin with.

The Tipsy Bison was busy that night, bodies colliding as drunken Jackson residents laughed and partied amongst one another. Ellie found herself in need of a drink, preferably in the largest glass she could find after the week she’d had. Jesse hadn’t given up on his desire to be her personal therapist, even though she’d been entirely unwilling to give him any more information on her love life than she already had, and had been prompting her to go off and find Y/n all evening. 

Find her, was a poor choice of words, considering that Ellie had clocked her the second that she had set foot into the pub. More accurately, Jesse was eager to see her march over and confess her undying love in front of the whole of Jackson–Dina included. 

There were times throughout the evening where she thought that their eyes might actually meet. The idea should have scared her, considering that she had absolutely no clue what she might do if she ever came face to face with Y/n again, and yet she found herself moving around as subtly as possible in hopes of catching her attention. Ellie’s mind kept drifting off to the constant question of whether or not Y/n had mourned what they had, or perhaps what could have been. She had moved on rather quickly, always being found with Erin not too far behind, though her appearance was not what it usually was; her normally tamed and styled hair was quite messy, and she wore muted colours in comparison to the bright, eye-catching shades of her favourite shirts. 

She watched in silence over the entire evening, making sure to offer the occasional laugh or jab at Jesse’s expense to avoid being called out, though it would be impossible to avoid the all-knowing expanse of Dina’s watchful eye.

“Who’re you looking at?”

Ellie’s head snapped to the side, finding her friend leaning across to get a better look. The auburn haired girl shook her head, pushing her back gently, “Nothing. No one.”

Dina scoffed, “Oh please, you’ve got some kind of look going on right now. Who is it? Please don’t say it’s Cat.”

“God, no, it’s not Cat.” Ellie glanced down at her drink.

Dina leaned across Ellie’s body again to get a better look, eyes falling on the slouched figure that sat directly in her line of sight, “Then who–oh. Please don’t tell me you’re looking at who I think you’re looking at.”

Ellie rolled her eyes, “Jesus, what does it matter?”

“Ellie,” her tone mimicked a young mother who had just caught her child red-handed, “You know what it matters. Don’t do it.”

“I’m literally not doing anything.”

“No, but you’re thinking about it.”

“About what?” Ellie’s tone had a sharp edge to it as annoyance twisted her stomach. On top of the other shit that she was dealing with this week, she was not exactly in the mood to deal with Dina’s judgement. 

Dina stared at her in disbelief, emotions running across her face quicker than the speed of light–confusion, annoyance, and then finally, anger. She shook her head, taking a long swig out of her glass before speaking, “About seeing if the rumours are true, going where literally every other guy has gone before.”

Jesse coughed, inserting himself into the tense conversation between his best friend and girlfriend, “Not every guy.”

Both females sent him a silencing glare before turning back to one another.

“Don’t you think you’re being a little dramatic, still freaking out about something that happened years ago?” Ellie insisted, “If it’s so bad, then why doesn’t anybody talk about it? Jesus, even she wouldn’t tell me.”

“Oh, so you’ve been talking to her?” Dina scowled. 

“Am I not allowed to?” Ellie challenged, knees wobbling underneath her as she pushed herself off of the bartop behind her. Of course, the drinks she had would make themselves known now of all times, when she needed to at least be sober enough that she wouldn’t end up saying something to her friend that she didn’t really mean. 

The raven haired girl pursed her lips, hands resting on her hips, “I can’t make you do anything, Ellie, but I figured that it’s common decency to not sleep around with people that your best friend hates.”

“I’m not–” Ellie paused, exhaling slowly through her nose as she caught herself from raising her voice any more than she had to, “I’m not just sleeping around with her.”

“But you are sleeping with her?” Dina caught on, “Jesus, Ellie, don’t tell me you fell into her little trap. I figured you’d be smarter than that.”

“Why–don’t change the subject. If you don’t want me hanging around with her, tell me why. If she really did something that horrible to you, I’ll let it go.”

“I shouldn’t have to,” Dina fumed, “You’re my friend, I shouldn’t have to beg you to not hang out with the people I hate. But if it really means that much to you, she convinced me to ask Jesse out, and then tried to steal him from me.”

Jesse blushed sheepishly from behind her, shoving his hands deep into his pockets, “I don’t think she really tried to–”

“So what would you call it then?” She turned sharply towards him, “She told you I didn’t like you, knowing fully well that I did. Why else would she do that?” 

Jesse paused, almost as if he were about to come up with an answer before slowly shrugging, “I don’t know, but I guess you really didn’t get the full story.”

“Why are you defending her now?” She sneered.

“I’m not, I just,” Jesse rushed, seemingly unsure of how to undig the hole he’d gotten himself into, “I don’t think this is something that’s worth fighting over, right? I mean, if Ellie has feelings for someone, shouldn’t we, as her best friends, support her?”

“Feelings?” 

Ellie groaned, glaring at Jesse. Leave it to him to spill every secret she’d ever told him. She downed the remaining whiskey in her glass, wincing at the delicious burn as it slid down her throat before starting marching away from the pair, “I’m not dealing with this shit right now.”

***

Y/n’s cheeks burned under the harsh coldness of the wind. Instantly upon stepping out of her house, she felt a deep mourning for the warmth of her bed and even considered scaling the side of the two story home to sneak in through the window, that way she could have a comfortable and warm place to sleep, but would still need to stay half awake out of fear of being found by her father. Instead, she took quick steps in the opposite direction, barely catching herself as she slipped on the nearly invisible ice that covered the ground.

When she finally stepped into the warmth of the stables, she leaned against the heavy wooden door as it sealed shut behind her and finally let the tears that had been burning her waterline drip down her cheeks. Her breath left her lips in heaving clouds, the air considerably warmer inside the barn than it had been outdoors, but still quite cold. Still, she would likely sleep sounder in the pile of hay in the corner than she would in her own bed.

“Hey, are you–shit, what the fuck happened?”

The last thing that Y/n had expected to happen was to find somebody else in the stables this late at night, let alone to find Ellie there. She had, of course, come around the corner from Shimmer’s stall, having come to find some comfort in her chosen steed after her falling out with Dina. 

“Ellie–”

“Who did this to you?” Her cold fingertips slapped Y/n’s own palms away from her swollen jaw, lightly pressing them into the purple flesh and tilting her head back to examine the dark collar that had begun to bloom around her throat. Y/n’s silence seemed to draw an emotional response from the auburn-haired girl, “Fuck, who did this? Was it Erin?”

“No,” Y/n finally uttered, “Not her.”

“Jesus, come here,” Ellie spoke as if she were giving the girl any option other than to follow her commands, leading her further into the dimly-lit barn to see the full extent of her injuries. 

Y/n felt a deep, uncomfortable sense of insecurity beginning to eat away at any form of confidence she may have had left. Throughout every conversation and intimate moment they’d shared, Y/n had never felt quite as vulnerable as she had when Ellie was able to see through every barrier that had been erected between them. She sat in silence as Ellie poked and prodded at her, digging through the emergency first aid kit to clean the cuts that had splintered the delicate skin of her cheek.

“My dad,” Her voice cracked as she finally broke the silence, “It was my dad.”

Ellie paused her movement for a brief moment before continuing to dab at the broken skin, “Why?”

Y/n cleared her throat, eyes darting around to look at anything Ellie’s piercing mossy stare, “He saw Erin kiss me. Turns out, he’d rather go back to have a shameless skank as a daughter than a…” 

Ellie cursed under her breath, chucking the dirty cotton pads off to the side. She tried to shake the jealousy that coursed through her veins, more focused on the girl’s physical wellbeing than their recent romantic falling out, “Why’d you come here? I mean, I get not wanting to be at home after this… but why not go to Erin?”

Y/n snorted, “Why’d you come here? Last I saw, you were having a grand time with your friends. You’re sure you aren’t afraid they’re gonna come looking for you and find us together?”

Ellie didn’t respond, taken aback at the response, but not at all angry or frustrating with the girl’s rightful feelings towards her. 

Y/n finally sighed, “Sorry.”

“No, I–uh, I think that was deserving.” She paused for a moment, “I’m sorry too, if that means anything to you. I was so, so shitty towards you.”

A small chuckle fell from her lips, “Yeah, you were. Somehow, you still treated me better than anyone else that I’ve been with.”

Ellie pursed her lips, thinking back on her conversation with Jesse and Dina earlier on, “Hey, you don’t have to answer this if you don’t wanna, but can I ask what happened with you and Dina?”

Y/n stiffened, “You mean she hasn’t told you? You’ve been going along with her hatred for me and you don’t even know why?”

“I know why on her part,” Ellie explained, “but I have a feeling your side of the story is gonna be a little different. Did you really try to steal Jesse from her?”

A scoff escaped her, disbelief escaping her features as an expression of guilt took its place, “Yes… and no.”

“Gonna need more than that.”

“I may have told Jesse that Dina wasn’t as into him as he was into her,” Y/n admitted, shoulders slumping as she stared down at her intertwined fingers, “But it wasn’t because I liked Jesse.”

“You like Dina,” Ellie concluded, a look of surprise on her face.

“Liked, past tense,” Y/n corrected, “There’s only so much a girl can take before any kind of positive feelings go away.”

“Does she know?”

Y/n shook her head, “At the time, it made more sense for her to hate me over Jesse than for her to hate me over this. It really wasn’t until you came to town and started dating Cat that I realised that I’d made a mistake, but it was too late.” A whimper fell from her lips as more tears began to trickle down her cheeks, “I’m sorry Ellie, for everything. I’m not mad anymore, I’d be pretty fucking embarrassed to be seen with me, too.”

Ellie lurched forward, grasping either of her cheeks in her cool palms, “No baby, no. I’m not embarrassed. I just, I was scared, and I didn’t understand. I could never be embarrassed to be seen with you. Shit, you probably wouldn’t even believe how fucking much it hurt, having to see you with her.”

Y/n stared up at her, eyes glassy in the dim lighting as Ellie continued to ramble, seemingly completely unaware of what she was actually saying, considering that Ellie Williams was one of the second most emotionally constipated people she had ever met, second only to Joel. 

“And you wouldn’t believe the kind of shit I’ve been getting from Jesse the last few days over this. I’m starting to think he might have been some kind of therapist in a past life or something, telling me how stupid I am and analysing my feelings. God–”

She was cut off as Y/n leaned forward, pressing a soft, barely-there kiss on her lips before pulling away, as if she had never done it in the first place. Both girls stared at each other with wide eyes, trying their best to read the expression of the other for a moment before Ellie grasped the back of Y/n’s neck and pulled her into a much firmer and much longer kiss. 

Y/n was pliant under her touch, allowing Ellie to mould her in whatever way she wanted. It was surprising to her that it was able to make her feel this good only a short while after her altercation with Erin, and how different it felt. With Erin, things felt forced, almost as if she wasn’t holding back as much as she initially thought she had been, but with Ellie, it was literally impossible to melt in her warm embrace. 

Y/n was the one who pulled away, forehead topped forward to meet Ellie’s as she inhaled heavily, forcing some fresh air through her puffy, spit-slick lips, “Ellie, I–”

“I know.”

“No, I can’t go back to how things were. I can’t have only half of you.”

“You won’t.”

Her eyebrows rose in surprise, “What about Dina?”

“She knows. Sort of. I guess it was too much to ask that Jesse keep his mouth shut.” Ellie snorted, her hand moving back to stroke the girl’s swollen cheek. “I don’t care what she thinks. She’ll be mad for a while, but she’ll come around.”

“And if she doesn’t?”

Ellie sighed, pressing one more sweet kiss to her lips, “Then I guess it’s just you and me against the world, huh?”

tags: @xmycxx @ellieseyesonly @lissanovak @erikaar @gold-dustwomxn @viswifetotallyreal @kerst666 @uraesthete @hellokitty3821 @stxrluvr @pampeop @ximtiredx @3lliesrifle @ellieslittlegf @chiao1209 @mimsiemoo @scarletnighttt @waiting-till-im-okay @salitosblog @eleactric @pedrosballsack @yourgirlcin @catostrophiclesbian @lazyotakuofficial @smelliebellie @slaysksmska @pretty-prrincess-13

#reader insert #x reader #imagines #lesbian #ellie williams x reader #ellie x you #ellie x y/n #ellie x fem reader #ellie x reader #ellie the last of us #ellie williams #ellie tlou

[https-yeonjun]

the seven stages of you and i (c.sb)

summary. when you first met soobin, you knew he was going to play a lead role in your life. you were going to make sure of it. you just didn't know what to expect.

or: the story of a boy, a girl, and the turbulence that fills the space between them.

wc. 14,444 words

genre. angst

tags. soobin x fem!reader, childhood friends to lovers to ???, best friends to lovers, minors DNI, negligible amount of smut (implied virgin!soobin x virgin!reader, first time, protected sex) featuring beomgyu, taehyun, and kai from txt, yuna from itzy, and arin from oh my girl

a/n. repost; this was also finally edited!!! classic quintessential fay angst!! we're so back!!! i’ve been writing this story for two months. it’s the longest thing i’ve written and i’m super proud of it. please let me know if i missed any warnings or made any typos. i really hope you all enjoy it.

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you can vividly remember the first time you ever saw soobin.

it was the summer before third grade started.

it had been an unbearably hot summer and with the school year looming just a month away, you were dreading going back to school and trying so hard to not think about having to meet your new teacher and make new friends.

so to take you mind off the soul crushing pressures of elementary school, you begged your mom to let you go to the park. she refused, claiming she had to work, but the two of you made a compromise and you settled for riding your bike around the cul-de-sac where she could still see you from the dining room table.

you had been riding for thirty minutes, quickly growing tired of the rays of the sun beating down on your skin. you were about to call it a day, but that’s when you saw it.

the gray honda civic driving past you, the sun reflecting on the hood of the car. the woman in the front seat, slowly waking up from her slumber. her husband tapping her shoulder excitedly, looking at his new home in awe.

and him.

the young boy staring out the window with wide eyes as the car pulled into the driveway of the house beside yours.

you darted inside to tell your mom you had new neighbors.

at dinner time, she took you over with some food. “hello, we live right next door.” she introduced herself to the woman that opened the door. “i just thought you guys could use a warm meal with moving and everything.” behind her legs, you could see the little boy peeking at you.

she invited you in and you remember the way their house looked so devoid of life. what was supposed to be the living room was a sea of boxes. your mother sat beside his mother on the old brown leather couch that sat in the back of the room.

you caught soobin’s gaze, watching you taking in the sight of his new home. he looked away when he noticed you looking at him. you moved to sit beside him on the floor.

“i saw you,” he said when he registered your presence beside him.

“what?” you were slightly taken aback.

“outside.” he clarified. “you were on your bike.”

“oh,” you muttered. “my name is y/n.” you reached out to shake his hand. he looked at you, a bit puzzled, yet mirrored the gesture, his grip gentle and feeble.

“i’m soobin.”

“how old are you?”

“i’m almost 10.” he answered, glancing down at his hands.

“why did you move here?”

“my dad got a job.”

“do you want to ride bikes tomorrow?”

“i don’t know how.” soobin looked at you, uncertainty flickering in his eyes, his shy demeanor even more pronounced.

“i can teach you.” you offered.

and the next morning, at 11 sharp, soobin showed up in front of your house ready to learn. after that afternoon, you decided that you liked him and he was going to be your best friend. he didn’t talk much but he always listened to you, with a goofy smile plastered on his face. when he did talk, he answered all your questions thoughtfully. and most importantly, even after he fell down multiple times, he still showed up at your house the next day, waiting to learn.

by the time you got to middle school, everyone knew that you were two peas in a pod. from the day you met, everywhere you went, soobin wasn’t far behind, following you like a lost puppy. you always carpooled together; you always ate lunch together; you were even in all the same clubs.

and so when eighth grade began, you two were separated for the first time in five years and it was so hard for you to adjust to not seeing him every second of every day.

the first morning of the school year, you stopped yourself from asking your mom where soobin was when he wasn’t at your car waiting for you. you wandered through the halls to your regular lunch table a little surprised and mostly disappointed when you didn’t see him sitting with an extra cookie he always got from the lunch lady. after school, you sat awkwardly, alone, on the bench outside of the school building waiting for your mom to pick you up.

when you got home, you didn’t even bother going up to your room. you threw your backpack on the couch and made a beeline for his house. you flopped onto his bed with a sigh as soon as you got to his room, the softness of the mattress cradling you. he didn’t look up from where he sat at his desk doing his homework, but he acknowledged your arrival with a quiet hello. 

“how was your first day of high school?” you asked, emphasizing the last part of your question.

“it was okay.” he scribbled something in his book.

“just okay?” you pressed.

“it was kind of weird.” he turned his chair around and finally looked up at you.

“did you miss me?”

“yeah, a little,” he confessed. a soft warmth bloomed in your chest, and you couldn’t help but smile to yourself.

“i think i might try out for the football team,” he blurted out of nowhere. “or maybe basketball? i don’t know yet.” you bursted out in laughter.

“did i say something funny?”

“you have no athletic bone in your body.” you countered, still chuckling.

“we don’t know that.”

“oh, we do,”

he moved to join you on the bed, books in hand, and you watched him with a fondness that didn’t need words as he made himself comfortable.

“i always tell you not to wear your outside clothes on my bed.” he jokingly admonished.

“do you like your school?”

“i mean, it’s only my first day. but it was okay.”

you paused, both to process what he just said and to figure out how to word what you really wanted to say. “i don’t want you to forget about me or stop hanging out with me or whatever.”

“you’re literally going to the same school next year.” he teased you.

“i know, but still.”

“you’re a hard person to forget about, y/n.”

“you’re just saying that,” you felt the blood rush up to your cheeks, and subsequently rushed to hide your face in his sheets.

“no, i mean, you literally wouldn’t let me forget about you.” he laughed and in response, you threw a pillow at him.

but in the back of your mind, you knew he was right – you couldn’t let him forget about you. and as the days rolled on, you made it a point to go over to his house for hours after school. at least for the first month and a half of the smeester. that was until the demands of school grew and he started having to stay after school for clubs and going over to people’s houses for projects. by the time the holidays rolled around, your moments together were reduced to the seconds you saw him in the mornings when you were both leaving for school. and for the most part, it stayed like that going into the summer.

the summer after eighth grade, you saw soobin a total of three times.

the first time you saw him was on memorial day. your dad, not exactly the biggest fan of your plan to stay home the entire summer, pushed you out of the house to go to his family’s barbecue. you went to soobin’s house with a tray of cookies (because you never go to someone’s house empty handed, your mom told you beforehand). he greeted you with a casual wave before disappearing upstairs to play video games with his friends. you lingered around his house for ten minutes, until you felt completely uncomfortable by yourself, when you slipped away back to your room, cocooning yourself in your bed, tears tracing paths down your cheeks, soaking into your sheets beneath you.

the second time was sometime right after the fourth of july. his dad was taking him on a fishing trip and you just so happened to be getting the mail as they were leaving. you tried to pretend not to see him, eyes fixed on the ground, your heart pounding. and you thought it worked. but later that day, a message lit up your phone screen – soobin confessing that he missed you. you deliberated for two hours before typing out a guarded response: “me too.” two weeks stretched out like an eternity before his next message came.

the third time was actually the day before your first day of high school when he came over to your house under orders from his mother. he stood at your bedroom door, a mixture of apprehension and determination etched across his face.

when you opened the door, all the feelings of abandonment came flooding through your mind – every time you cried thinking about how he was ignoring you, every time your parents had to force you to get out of the house and breathe in fresh air, everything came at once.

“what are you doing here?” you spat at him. your words were a shield, sharp and defensive.

“my mom said i should come check on you.” he responded, his hand absently massaging the back of his neck. you yielded, allowing him to enter the room, but he hesitated, lingering by the door, too afraid to sit down.

“are you nervous about high school?” he ventured.

you met his gaze, scanning his eyes for sincerity. “not really.”

“i’m sorry,” he admitted, his voice heavy with regret. “i’ve been pretty shitty to you this year.”

“yeah, you have been pretty shitty.”

“i meant it when i said i missed you.”

“i know.”

“are we good?”

he didn’t really apologize, you understood that. but sometimes, especially in that moment, it seems easier to forgive him than confront him about how horrible he made you feel. and so you concede, not realizing that you’re setting the precedent for you guys to saunter in and out of each other's lives as you please. “yeah, we are.”

you invite him to sit on the bed with you and he joins you.

“so, what is high school really like?” you ask, trying to clear the air of tension that lingered.

“well, it’s nothing like high school musical,” he began.

and although you were apprehensive about forgiving him so quickly, you couldn’t deny how good this felt. sitting here with him, not thinking about the future or the past. just being here talking about nothing and everything at the same time. if you could, you would have captured this moment and put it in a snow globe to look at everyday.

the next morning, you stood at the threshold of the school building, soobin towering beside you. as you walked into the school together, you couldn’t help but notice the subtle shift in the atmosphere. soobin seemed to be a lot more popular than he led on and he navigated the halls with a confidence that belied his usually reserved nature. students and teachers alike greeted him as you walked through the halls.

“okay, mr. superstar,” you teased.

“well, i am class president.” he tells you shyly.

“why didn’t i know this?” you wondered aloud. he offered you a nonchalant shrug but continued guiding you through the labyrinth of corridors that made up the school. 

as you approached your classroom, the reality of where you were dawned on you. you turned to soobin, seeking reassurance from him. “i’ll see you at lunch?”

“yeah,” he affirmed.

with a final smile, you slipped into the classroom, taking a seat beside a girl who was looking at you with wide eyes.

“you know soobin?” she blurted out when you sat down.

your brows furrowed in confusion. “yeah?” you answered, taken aback.

“how?”

“uh, he’s my friend.” you explained, scanning the room for an empty seat.

a spark of hope lit up her eyes. “can you introduce me to him?”

you hesitated, your discomfort growing with each passing second. “i don’t even know you.”

a wave of awkwardness washed over the both of you. without waiting for a response, you quickly gathered your things, seeking refuge in a different seat on the other side of the classroom. what the hell was that? you thought to yourself as the other students filed into the class.

save for that strange moment in the first period, the rest of your classes went by completely unremarkable until lunch time rolled around. you arrived at the cafeteria fifteen minutes after lunch started. you were trying to navigate the way between hundreds of bodies in the hallway and found yourself in a completely different wing of the school. why does a high school have to be this big? you asked yourself when you collided with a girl.

“are you okay?” you asked her.

“yeah, i’m just trying to find the cafeteria.” her response came with a note of relief.

“me too. i’m y/n.”

“i’m yuna and this school is way too big.” she remarked, a trace of exasperation lacing her words.

“yeah, i got a tour this morning and i’m still confused.”

should we ask someone for help?” yuna suggested.

“yeah,” together you venture into a nearby classroom to ask a teacher for help.

meanwhile, in the cafeteria, soobin took advantage of your little detour to offer a preemptive warning to his friends about how to act around the freshman girl that was going to be eating lunch with them.

“i’m serious, you guys, don’t be weird.”

“when have we ever been weird?” beomgyu asked, but his playful tone is punctuated by a stray fry launched by kai, which found its target on taehyun’s head.

soobin gave beomgyu a knowing look.

“we won’t be weird, okay?” his friend reassured him. “what’s with the girl anyways?”

“she’s my best friend and i don’t want you guys to scare her.”

you finally make it to the cafeteria with yuna by your side. soobin introduced you to his friends, and you briefly remember them from memorial day. as the lunch period dragged on, you sat quietly, observing soobin in his element. you never felt this way before, but watching the way he interacted with his friends made him a little more attractive in your eyes. there was a magnetism in his confidence and you couldn’t help but entertain thoughts that had never crossed your mind before.

and from them, you found yourself yearning for those stolen glances, fingers brushing in passing and shared laughter that lingered just a little longer than usual.

being best friends with someone older than you had its perks, especially when that person was as smart as soobin. you were pretty good at biology freshman year, and chemistry was okay too. but no one warned you that knowing the powerhouse of the cell or all the symbols of the periodic table was enough to equip you for an honors physics class.

even though you stayed up for three nights in a row, you didn’t expect to do so bad on the unit test. it was embarrassingly bad. like bringing the class average down bad. like being handed back a folded test bad. you opened your test packet hesitantly, only to quickly close it again upon seeing the harsh, red “36/100” glaring back at you. the room seemed to close in around you, the disappointment heavy in the air.

after class, you went to meet your teacher. “are you sure there’s no way i could get some extra credit or something?” you asked, your voice carrying a mix of desperation and determination.

“y/n,” he said, his tone firm. “if i give you extra credit, i have to give everyone extra credit,” he advised. “if you want a better grade, i suggest you study harder.”

“fucking asshole,” you mutter under your breath as you left the classroom. the slam of the door echoed down the empty hallway.

yuna, who was waiting for you outside your class, scowled when she saw your demeanor. “what’s wrong?”

“he’s such an asshole.”

“what did he do this time?”

you handed her your test and slung your backpack onto your shoulder in frustration. her face scrunched up when she saw the red ink that scattered the page. she reached out to gently caress your hair in a soothing gesture. “oh, honey…”

“and he wouldn’t let me do extra credit.”

“didn’t your boyfriend take this class last year?” yuna asked, trying to find a solution.

“boyfriend?” you replied. you knew where she was going with this, but you wanted to see if she would actually say it. but you knew she was never one to back down. “soobin?” she asks.

“not my boyfriend.” you remind her in a singsong voice, causing her to roll her eyes.

“well, i’m pretty sure he took this class last year. just ask him to tutor you.”

you hum, pulling out your phone to text him.

to soob: i hate to ask you this but i really need your help

from soob: you know i’m always gonna help you what do you need

to soob: one quiz away from failing physics can my bestest friend in the whole entire world help me

from soob: you know you don’t need to butter me up but i’ll take it

to soob: you know i love you so much right? can you come over tonight?

that evening, you meticulously laid out your physics notes and textbook on the kitchen island. you were stressing a lot, and in an attempt to calm your racing thoughts, you decided to bake. the sounds of the mixer and the clinking of the measuring cups was always something that soothed your anxious thoughts.

as the timer chimed, you pulled the tray of cookies out from the oven. just as you set them on the cooling rack, the doorbell rang, sending a jolt of nervous anticipation back through you.

you open the door to soobin.

“thank you again for doing this,” you said as you welcomed him inside. you guided him to the island. “i made cookies, so please feel free to take some.”

his eyes brightened with surprise. “you made cookies? i didn’t know you could bake.”

“i started in middle school,” you confessed, a hint of vulnerability crept into your voice. “my therapist said it was a good way to process my emotions. i don’t know.”

“you’re in therapy?”

“yeah, since middle school.”

“oh.”

the atmosphere in the kitchen shifted. you both settle into your seats. the tutoring session began, but despite your best efforts, you found it hard to focus. the equations and diagrams that soobin so easily drew out seemed to blur together and your mind drifted elsewhere. the only thing you could concentrate on was soobin’s long, veiny hands as they gracefully navigated the pages of the physics textbook in front of you.

“should we take a break?” his voice pulled you out of your thoughts.

you blinked, realizing that you had been staring at the same problem for a little too long. “i’m sorry. long day.”

“no, don’t apologize,” soobin reassured you. “it’s getting late anyways. we can always try again tomorrow.”

the next few tutoring sessions followed a similar pattern, but today you managed to gather yourself and focus, determined not to get lost in the small smile that graced soobin’s face whenever you correctly answered a question.

“you know what you’re doing?”

“what?”

“you know what you’re doing. just don’t overthink it.” he was referring to the problem set in front of you.

“oh, yeah,” you replied, your hand moving swiftly across the paper. in your mind, even if you got the question wrong, he would patiently explain it to you. this way, you wouldn’t be trapped in your head, thinking about how close he was to you, close enough to pick up hints of his shampoo, or how pretty his eyes looked with the kitchen lights dancing in them, or how soft his hands felt as they brushed against yours when he took the paper from you.

to your surprise, you managed to avoid any embarrassment for the rest of the session.

“when’s your next test?”

“in two weeks, i think,”

“we can meet a couple of nights a week until then,” he suggested.

as time passed, you found it easier to concentrate, the initial nervousness giving away to a growing confidence. you had to admit. soobin was a good tutor and with each passing day, you felt the weight of the test lessen, until the day of the test.

from soob: test day! how are you feeling?

to soob: i think i’m going to throw up

from soob: please don’t you’re going to do great you know i’m always rooting for you!!

you walked into the classroom with your chin held high, determined to “fake it till you make it” your way into a passing grade, but you spent the rest of the week after that a bundle of restlessness and anticipation.

finally, the day you dreaded the most arrived. the door swung open, and your teacher strode in, a stack of papers clutched in his hand. you held your breath, fingers crossed under the desk as he made his way down the rows, inching closer and closer.

“good job,” he smiled at you when he handed you your test.

after class, you practically sprinted to soobin’s locker, eager to share the news.

“check me out! i’m a nerd like you,” you exclaimed, thrusting the test paper towards him.

“har har,” he let out an amused snort, rolling his eyes. “i knew you could do it. maybe next time we can shoot for a 100?”

“i think we should focus on maintaining this 80%,” you chuckled. “i think this calls for a celebration. can you come over tonight?”

that evening, you and soobin set out to tackle the challenge of baking brownies. he was good at a lot of things but admittedly was very useless in the kitchen.

“it’s fine.” you reassured him, “i can teach you.”

“you’re always teaching me things,” he noted, his ears burning as he looked down at the mixing bowl.

“what are you talking about? i’m literally now passing physics because of you.

“not school things,” he explains. “i mean like practical life things. you taught me how to ride a bike; you taught me how to make friends––”

“i taught you how to make friends?”

“yes, you did. being friends with you just made me outgoing, i guess.”

“hmm.”

“anyways, you’re teaching me how to bake, although i think this might be a lost cause,” he quipped, eyeing the ingredients skeptically.

“just crack those eggs,” you instructed.

while you dealt with other things, soobin stood expertly mixing the batter. “can i taste it?” you asked, holding up a spoon.

“wait, this is so good,” you marveled at your own recipe.

soobin’s gaze met yours, a hint of a smile playing on his lips. he edged closer to you. “you have something…” he said softly, swiping your chin with his thumb, then tasting the chocolate batter from his finger.

“oh, uh, th-thanks,” you stammered, turning toward the sink to hide the elated grin that threatened to give you away. inside, you were almost bursting at the seams.

“so, cookies are for nerves, brownies are for celebration?” soobin asked, as you two settled onto the plush couch.

“and cakes are for when i’m sad,” you quipped, fingers deftly flicking the remote to life. “what do you want to watch?”

“i don’t care. whatever you want.”

wrapped in the cocoon of the soft blanket, you both sank into the cushions, the movie’s glow flickering across your faces.

as the credits rolled on the screen, you and soobin sat up, still close, but the proximity was charged with an unspoken confession.

“did you like the movie?” you asked, attempting to dispel the atmosphere.

“we’ve seen it like a million times,”

“yeah, but still.” you press and he just shrugs.

after a pregnant pause, he finally broke the stillness. “i feel like i need to tell you something.”

your heart quickened, a whirlwind of emotions swirling within. “yeah?”

“i, uh,” his voice wavered for a moment. “i like you,” he admitted, his words stumbling out in a rush, eyes fixed on a point somewhere in the middle distance.

“what?”

“i like you,” he repeated, softer and steadier this time. soobin’s heart raced, his pulse thrumming in his ears as he awaited your response. you, on the other hand, were filled with surprise and something else, you couldn’t even decipher. your breath caught. it was like the air had grown heavier, charged with unspoken desires and uncharted territory.

“oh.” you managed to let out. “that’s… oh.”

his gaze flickered back to his hands, usually so steady, that laid, slightly trembling in his lap. “it’s fine if you don’t feel the same. i’ve just been dealing with these feelings for a while and i just needed to tell you.”

“soobin, it’s—”

“you don’t have to say anything; i get it.” he interjected, “just forget about this. i value our friendship a lot more, so i don’t want things to be awkward between us.”

“soobin!” you exclaimed your voice firm and determined. “i like you too, but we… we can’t do this.”

“why not?”

“well, for starters, you’re graduating in the spring.”

“and i’m probably going to school, like what? two hours away?”

“i don’t want you to feel like you’re missing out on your college experience by being with me or whatever.”

“y/n, you’re literally my best friend.”

“precisely why we shouldn’t risk it,” you insisted. “i cherish our friendship, and i don't want to jeopardize it.”

“i promise you there’s absolutely nothing that could ever make us not be friends.”

“i don’t… i don’t know.”

“sleep on it, okay?” he conceded, rising from the couch. “i should probably go home.”

you escorted him to the door, the gravity of the moment still lingering. “see you tomorrow?” he asked, framed in the doorway. the threshold seemed both a physical and emotional boundary, like a bridge between the familiar present and the uncertain future of your relationship.

“yeah.”

he leaned forward, a gentle breath of warmth preceding the tender press of his lips against your cheek. “goodnight, y/n,” he murmured before fading into the night. 

your fingers lightly brushed your cheek, still tingling from where his lips had been. the sensation was still tingling, like a spark of electricity had been left behind. climbing the stairs you couldn’t help but grin from ear to ear. you felt like you were floating as you made your way to your room, crashing on your bed, kicking your feet thinking about the fact that he likes you.

the next day, you decided to skip lunch in the cafeteria. “please can you tell me why we’re eating lunch in the library today?” yuna asks, tossing her backpack onto a beanbag in the corner of the library where you settled.

“something happened last night.”

“did you and soobin finally kiss?” she asked, a sly grin creeping onto her face. you look up at her, trying to suppress your smile.

“well, not really.”

“not really? what happened?”

“he told me he liked me.”

yuna let out an excited squeal, earning disapproving glances from the other students.

“and he kissed my cheek.”

“shut up!” she was practically bouncing in her seat, unable to maintain her excitement.

“yeah, you should shut up.” some guy at a nearby table griped, annoyed by the disruption.

she rolled her eyes, returning her attention to you. “anyways, i’m so happy for you.”

“don’t get your hopes up.”

“oh, no.”

“yuna, he’s graduating soon.”

“okay? i don’t see what the problem is. you’ve had a crush on him forever and he was the one who said it first.”

“i just don’t want to do a long distance thing.”

“he lives right beside you.”

“and he’s moving away in seven months.”

“he’s moving to a different town, not a different country.”

“hey, you guys are making a lot of noise,” the library assistant reprimanded, approaching your table. “and you know you’re not allowed to eat in here.” she referred to yuna’s food.

“sorry,” you apologized, your voice meek.

she walked away, leaving you both to your conversation.

“yeah, ‘cause my carrots are going to crumb all over the books,” yuna quipped, but she complied, tucking away her lunch.

“i just don’t want to lose my best friend.”

with a multitude of thoughts swirling around your head, you knew you needed to talk to soobin. after school, you made your way to his house. as you walked to his bedroom, each step was weighed down by the uncertainty and anticipation that filled your heart.

the soft knock on soobin’s door pulled him from his thoughts. he swung the door open to find you standing there.

“hey,” you greeted, your voice above a whisper.

“hey,” he stepped back, allowing you in. his heart raced, a mix of hope and fear coursing through him.

you walked into his room taking in the decor. it hadn’t changed much from middle school. his walls were adorned with a mix of posters. a bookshelf stood against one of the walls, filled with a well-organized collection of novels, textbooks, and mementos. his desk, which sat by the window, was decorated with photos of the two of you from elementary school that you surprisingly hadn’t seen before. looking at them gave you the motivation to have the say everything that you wanted to say.

he gestured to his bed. you settled into your usual spots, the silence stretching, punctuated only by the soft sounds of the clock. soobin couldn’t help but steal glances at you, the room charged with tension.

“so, we should talk about last night.” you took a deep breath. he turned to face you, his gaze steady, waiting for your words. “i’ve been thinking a lot,” you continued. “and i do want to give this, us, a try.”

a smile broke across his face and you couldn’t help but melt. “you have no idea how happy that makes me.”

you mirrored his smile, a sense of contentment settling in your chest. “but,” you added, your expression turning more serious, “you are graduating soon, so we need to be realistic.”

he nodded. “we can face it together, one step at a time.”

you reach out, your fingers finding his. “okay,”

“can i kiss you now?”

“yes,” you giggled.

he cupped your face, slowly closing the space between you. meanwhile, your hands snaked their way to the back of his neck, pulling him down so his soft lips met yours. the world seemed to fade away, leaving only the sensation of his lips against yours.

the first touch was as light as a feather, but as a surge of emotion overcame the initial hesitation, the kiss deepened. time seemed to stand still and the moment stretched into infinity until you heard a cough coming from the door.

you quickly pull away from the kiss, your heart racing. soobin’s eyes held affection, his fingers still lightly grazing your cheek. you looked to the door to see his mom with her hands on her hips, a playful smirk on her face. “i was just checking to see if you were going to stay for dinner, y/n.” she said, her voice carrying a hint of amusement.

looking down at your hands, that sat in soobin’s hands, you responded quietly. “yeah, i’ll just text my parents.”

“okay,” she left the room with a knowing smile

“that was so,” you squealed in embarrassment, burying your face in soobin’s shoulder. his warmth enveloped you like a comforting embrace as his fingers gently traced patterns on your back.

“at least she likes you,” he joked, making you groan. “we should go downstairs,” he suggests, pulling away reluctantly.

as you proceed to stand up, he playfully tugged you back down, his eyes never leaving yours. “wait.” his voice held a soft urgency, his gaze locked onto your lips. “just one more.” he leaned in, the touch of his lips against yours sending a surge of warmth through your veins. his smile melted into the kiss.

“okay, we can go now.”

you followed him downstairs and avoided his mom’s knowing glances throughout dinner.

for the next few months, you spent almost every day with soobin. the two of you were once again attached at the hip, savoring every moment leading up to his impending graduation.

and the dreaded day of the ceremony arrived. soobin, loose tie in hand, entered his parents’ room with a furrowed brow. “mom, where’s dad?”

“he had to stop by the office, but he’ll meet us there,” she responded, finishing up her makeup. as she finished she turned to her son, her eyes sparkling. “oh my god,” she cooed. “you look so handsome.” she pulled him into a hug.

“god, mom, relax.” soobin chuckled, gently extricating himself from her affectionate grip. he smoothed out the wrinkles on his shirt.

“is it a crime for a mother to be proud of her son for graduating?”

“no, but i need help with the tie.” he gave it to her.

she took the tie, fingers deftly weaving it into place around her neck. “is y/n coming with us?”

“no, she’s going with her parents.”

“you know, i’m really glad you have her in your life.” there was a tenderness in her voice, her eyes fixed on her son as she put the tie around his neck, adjusting his collar.

“that’s random.”

“it’s not random. i’m just saying you’re graduating and going to college soon, and i just don’t want you to take her for granted.”

“i won’t. i promise.”

“ok,” she declared, a smile gracing her lips, indicating that she had finished. “good to go, we’re leaving in ten minutes so go finish getting ready.”

you arrive at your school’s auditorium thirty minutes before the ceremony began. you quickly settle beside soobin’s mother.

“i’m so glad you guys could make it,” she greeted warmly.

you scanned the hall, searching for your boyfriend in the sea of cap and gowns. the familiar hum of your phone in your lap brought your attention back to the present. it was a text from soobin, asking you to meet him outside the auditorium.

“is my dad there?” soobin’s voice held a note of urgency when he saw you.

“not yet, but your mom said he’s on his way. are you okay?” your hand rested comfortingly on his shoulder, trying to steady his nerves.

“i’m just nervous about the speech and the fact that he isn’t here yet.”

“well, he’s going to be here. who would miss their only child’s graduation?” you offered a reassuring smile, attempting to lighten the mood. “and the speech is going to go perfectly, okay?”

“you don’t know that.”

“yes, i do! you’ve been practicing all week. you’re going to do great.”

“what if i mess up?”

“if you mess up, just find me in the crowd, okay? i’ll be with both your parents and my parents, and we’ll all be cheering on you.”

“alright, thank you.” he took a deep, steadying breath.

you reached up, planting a tender kiss on his lips. “you’re going to do great,” you affirmed, and with that, he headed through the student entrance into the auditorium.

the ceremony flowed seamlessly. pride swelled in you as you watched soobin take the stage. his dad slid into your row just as he went on stage, and you offered him a thumbs-up, met in kind.

you returned to soobin’s house with your parents for the celebration. the living room was adorned with congratulatory banners and balloons, the most bright and colorful you’d ever seen his house.

for most of the party, you didn’t see much of him as he was passed around by friends and relatives that wanted to congratulate him. but eventually, at some point in the night he finds you and the two of you escape from the party to embrace the quiet of his room. the room was dimly lit, and mostly quiet, save for the chatter and the music softly playing from outside the door.

“god, i really needed this,” he confessed, stretching out on his bed. you nestled beside him, resting your head on his chest. he enveloped you in arms, fingers entwined with yours. “talking to people is exhausting,” he sighed.

“you were amazing today,” you reassured him.

“because i had you there with me.”

“and your dad came.”

“yeah, half an hour late. i can’t believe he went to work today.”

“at least he was there.”

“i don’t even care anymore. i’m just happy you were there and that we’re here together right now. i can’t wait for this summer.”

“i need to tell you something.”

“yeah,” he turned to you, fingers gently playing with yours.

“you know how i’m vice president of culinary club?” he hummed in acknowledgement.

“well, our faculty advisor told me about this culinary school that she thinks i should apply to for college.” you explained. “anyways she thinks i need to get a job or internship or something this summer to make my application stronger.”

“yeah,” his voice took on a more tentative tone.

“well, she connected me with one of her friends who owns a restaurant downtown and he said that i could, like, shadow him for the summer.”

“that’s great but–”

“i know. i don’t think it’s going to stop us from spending time together. we’ll still be able to do everything that we planned on doing. it’s just not going to be everyday.”

“baby, you don’t have to explain yourself to me.”

“i just feel bad.” your voice softened.

“why?”

“we had so many plans.” you pouted

“and we’ll still be able to do them,” he assured you. “i think it might be good practice for us when i go to school in the fall.”

“yeah, you’re right.”

you leaned up to kiss him, and he kissed you back.

the two of you lingered on his bed, the world beyond the room fading into insignificance. then, a gentle rap on the door pulled you out of your trivial conversations. 

“soobin,” his dad entered the room, voice cutting through the hush. “some of your guests are leaving. go downstairs to say goodbye.”

soobin shot up from the bed. “yeah, i’ll head down now.”

“y/n can i talk to you?” his dad asked. soobin looked back at you before leaving the room.

“yeah, what’s wrong?”

“nothing’s wrong. i just wanted to talk to you about soobin.”

“what about soobin?”

“why don’t you sit down,” he suggested. you complied, perching on your boyfriend's bed. “i wanted to talk about soobin because well he’s going to college in the fall and i just want to make sure that he’s not wasting his experience or losing his focus.”

you weren’t sure how to respond. “i’m don’t know–”

“see y/n, you’re a great girl and you’ve been there for soobin for a long time, but you also distract him.”

“what?”

“i work really hard to make sure that my family can live in this neighborhood and so that my only son can go to a good school. i don’t want to see him waste his life over his high school girlfriend.”

your chest tightened, emotions surging. you wanted to speak up, to yell at him and tell him off for inserting himself into your relationship. you wanted to yell at him for even saying this to you when he couldn’t be bothered to show up for his only son’s high school graduation. you wanted to defend your love and your commitment to soobin. but as the tears welled up in your eyes, the words caught in your throat. all you could manage was a quiet, “okay.”

“i’m glad you understand. i know we both care about him and we both want the best for him.”

he exits the room, leaving you alone with your thoughts and your tears. the last words he spoke echoed in your mind. we both want what’s best for him.

you gathered enough composure and strength, wiping away your tears, and made your way downstairs. you attempted to slip away quietly, but soobin caught you at the door.

“you’re leaving?” the dim light from the porch illuminated his face, casting soft shadows across his features.

“yeah, it’s getting late.”

“are you okay?” he noticed the tremor in your voice.

“yeah, i’m just super tired.”

“oh, okay? what did my dad want to talk to you about?”

“oh, he just asked me to send him the videos and photos i took of you earlier.” the lie tasted bitter on your tongue, but you pushed it out regardless, hoping to shield soobin from the weight of his father’s words.

“are you sure you’re okay?” he asked, taking hold of your hands. “do you want me to walk you home?”

“no, yeah, i’m fine.” you pull him into a hug for what felt like an eternity. if he noticed anything wrong with you after that, he didn’t bring it up. “i’ll see you tomorrow.”

that night, you couldn’t fall asleep. the room seemed to close in around you suffocating in its emptiness. the echoes of the conversation with soobin’s father reverberated in your mind, haunting you.

you grappled with the weight of your fears and insecurities. what if he was right? what if you were holding soobin back? distracting him? the thought had always lingered at the back of your mind since you began dating. and now that he was actually starting at college, that unspoken fear threatened to consume you.

maybe his dad was right. you needed to give him the space that he needed to grow. and it’s not like you had to break up with him. you just needed to keep him at an arm’s length and this summer was a chance for you to learn how to do that with you working. so in the weeks that followed, you found yourself pulling away and creating that distance. the space between you stretched as you took more shifts at work and spent less time with your boyfriend.

“i might move into school a week early,” soobin told you one day when you were hanging out in your room.

you felt your heart sink.

you hadn’t spent that much time together and now you had even less time together. it felt like a cruel twist of fate. still, you masked your disappointment with forced encouragement. “that’s good.” you muttered. “get to know the area better.”

“you think i should go?”

“i mean, if you want to. it seems like a good idea.”

“okay,”

as the day arrived for soobin to leave for school, you felt a void open up within you. the weight of missed moments and unspoken words crushed your soul, suffocating in their intensity. you called out of work but stayed in bed all day, cocooned in the covers, crying about the fact that you couldn’t allow yourself to savor the little time you had with soobin.

when soobin facetimed you later that evening, your heart both leapt and sank at the sight of his face. “hey, let me see your face.”

“i look horrible,” you groaned, but still revealed your face that was covered by your blankets and pillows.

soobin’s brows furrowed when he saw your face with your eyes red and your nose puffy. “have you been crying?”

“no, i’m just sick.” you tried to hide it, to mask the pain, but the cracks in your facade were all too evident.

“please, y/n, don’t lie to me.”

the raw vulnerability in his voice cracked something open within you. “i just miss you and i wish I could have helped you move in.”

“maybe i can come home on the weekend after classes start?” you wanted to revel in the possibility of seeing him again so soon, however the question lingered heavy in the air.

“do you think i’m holding you back from getting the full college experience?”

“where did that come from?”

“what if there’s like… i don’t know, a really cool frat party that weekend? would you miss out on that for me?”

“i think i’d rather see my girlfriend than go to some hypothetical frat party.”

“i’m being serious.”

“do you not want me to come home?” his question hung in the air, like a delicate thread of vulnerability. the room seemed to pulse with unspoken tension. your fingers tightened around the edges of your blanket, grasping for comfort and grounding, as you thought over your answer. every second of the silence felt like a weight on your shoulders.

you sighed. “i do, but–”

“then what’s the problem, y/n?” soobin’s voice, slightly raised, tinged with frustration, cut through the hush. “it seems like ever since the summer started you’ve been pushing me away, and i don’t know if i did something wrong.”

“you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“so what’s up?”

“i just don’t want you to feel like you’re wasting your time focusing on your high school girlfriend when you have so much life ahead of you.”

“you’re not just my high school girlfriend.” his voice softened.

“that’s not what i meant.”

“you’re also my best friend. and i don’t ever feel like i’m wasting my time by being with you.”

you contemplate telling him what his dad said, but you ultimately decide against it.

“what are you thinking?” he asked after you didn't respond for a while.

“i don’t know.” you confessed, your voice barely louder than a whisper.

“i need you to be honest with me because i don’t know what you need or how much more i can reassure you that you’re it for me.”

“maybe we should take a break?” the words slipped out before you could stop them.

“what?” soobin’s eyes widened, disbelief and hurt dancing in their depths.

“just maybe for the semester.” you rushed to explain, “so you can get your footing in school and i can focus on college apps.”

“so, you want to break up?”

“not like a real breakup. we’ll still talk and everything, just with some space.” he looked away, his jaw clenched, like he was processing the idea.

“i can’t believe you’re suggesting this.” his voice cracks as he blinks back the tears welling up in his eyes.

“maybe it’s what we need right now. we’ll still talk.” you promised, mostly trying to convince yourself.

the call ended and the weight of your decision settled on your chest, like a heavy ache that echoed the emptiness you felt inside. in your head, you were making the right choice for both of you, but that didn’t make it any easier. and as hard as you tried to maintain your relationship with soobin, over the next few months, the calls and messages became less frequent. the space between you was growing wider and each interaction held a bittersweet tinge, a mix of familiarity and the painful reminder of what once was.

the next break from school came quicker than you had expected. you sat at your desk, catching up on homework as the late morning sun streamed through the window, casting a warm glow across the room. the creak of your bedroom door announced your dad’s presence.

“how are you doing?” he asked, his voice tinged with concern.

a faint smile danced on your lips as you turned to face him. “i’m not going to kill myself dad,” you joked, trying to lighten the mood. “i’m just doing homework.”

“you’ve been in your room all break. i think i’m allowed to be worried.”

you bristled, the walls rising around you like a fortress. “well you shouldn’t be, okay? i’m fine.”

“okay so you don’t care to know that i saw soobin’s car pull up into the driveway?” he asked. you let out a soft, almost imperceptible sigh, your gaze shifted to the patch of sunlight dancing on the floor.

“are you going to see him?” he gently suggested.

“i don’t know if he wants to see me,” you admitted, your voice a hesitant whisper. the weight of uncertainty settled around you, and your dad’s brow furrowed in empathy. he approached you to comfort you. “i think i messed up,” you confessed, the words tasting bitter on your tongue.

he paused to study your face, and then he spoke, his tone filled with reassurance. “i’m sure whatever you did isn’t that bad. who could ever not want to see you?”

a small smile tugged at the corner of your lips, grateful for his attempt to ease your worries. “you’re just saying that because you’re my dad.”

he reached out, placing a reassuring hand on your shoulder. “you know that’s not true. and you know he wants to see you because he cares for you, and he knows you care for him too.”

“and what if that’s not enough?”

his gaze softened, “then you shouldn’t base your worth on what some guys thinks of you.”

“some guy? i thought you liked soobin.”

“yeah, but i like you more.” he pulled you into a warm embrace, the strength of his love wrapping around you like a shield. as he left the room, a sense of comfort lingered in the air. you sat there, the moment stretching, the decision before you felt like a bridge to cross, but you chose to not let fear dictate your actions.

with a determined exhale, you reached for your phone.

to soob: hey, i saw you just got home. whenever you get a chance, can you come over? i think we need to talk.

later that night, in the quiet stillness of your room, you receive a knock on your door. your heart quickened. you leaped out of bed, ready to face whatever awaited for you on the other side of the door. 

“hey,” you breathed, the door swinging open to reveal soobin.

“hi,”

“please come in,” you invited him in. you held the door open, allowing him to step into your sanctuary. “how have you been?”

“good,” he replied, though there was a subtle hesitance in his tone.

“really?”

he left out a soft chuckle, a nervous habit that betrayed the calm facade he tried to maintain. “well, no, but i thought it was the appropriate thing to say.” his hand moved to rub the back of his neck. “how are you?”

“been better,” you confessed.

he settled onto the edge of your bed, and you joined him.

“so you wanted to talk?”

“i’m sorry,” the words tumbled from your lips.

“for?”

“everything?” the raw honesty of the moment threatened to engulf you. “asking for a break, not talking to you. i messed everything up.”

“you didn’t mess anything up,” he countered.

“but look at where we are,” you murmured, your gaze falling to the floor, unable to bear the weight of the truth in his eyes.

“and where is that?”

“here.” you took a deep breath and looked into his eyes. “i just want us to be good like before,” you said after a long pause.

soobin’s expression softened, “me too. i’ve missed you.”

“like crying and throwing up every night?” you teased.

“eh, something like that,” a hint of a smile played on his lips, the lamplight catching the warmth in his eyes.

“good to know,” you replied, a smile tugging at your own lips.

“i’ve said this before, but you’re really it for me.” 

“is that so?”

“yeah, even though your dad was giving me a stank as i was coming upstairs.”

“he was?”

“yeah, and i thought your parents loved me.”

“they do!”

“that doesn’t sound convincing,” he joked, a genuine laugh filling the room, echoing off the walls.

“they do, they do.” you try to convince him. “they’re just really protective.”

“well, how can i get in their good graces again?”

“maybe by kissing me.” you suggest, teasingly.

“you think kissing their daughter is going to make them not hate me?”

“yeah, i think it might be a start.” you replied, your voice soft, but sure.

“okay.” 

he cups your face, pulling you into a tender kiss. as your lips met his, a surge of warmth spread through you, grounding you in the present moment. your hands found their rightful place on the back of his neck, fingers intertwining with the soft strands of his hair. in that fleeting, stolen breath of moment, the world outside seemed to dissolve, leaving just the two of you suspended in this fragile, but powerful connection.

when you finally pulled away, the room took a breath with you. in that moment, everything felt right again. you were back to your version of normal, and it was perfect.

soobin sat cross legend on your bed waiting for you to bring up some snacks. it was the first weekend of your spring break and he decided to come down to surprise you. while waiting for you, his gaze fell upon a large envelope on your bedside table, its seal embossed with the emblem of the culinary school that you had told him about.

“okay, this is a new recipe that i’ve been working on.” you announce, walking into the room with a plate of cookies in your hand. “i want you to be honest with me. that being said, if you hate it, i’m going to cry.”

“why didn’t you tell me that you got in?” he asked as he inspected the envelope.

“because i’m not going.” you set the plate on your bed.

“why not?” concern was etched into the lines of his face.

“for starters,” your gaze drifted to the windows. “i got more money from other schools. besides, it’s on the other side of the country.”

“so?”

“so, that��s too far.”

“but you knew where it was when you applied,” he pressed. “and it’s your dream school.”

“that doesn’t matter, soobin.”

“well, why not?”

“because, you’re here.” you admitted.

“so, you’re staying for me?”

“you don’t want me to?”

“no,”

“oh,”

“y/n,” he leaned forward, reaching out to touch your hand. “i don’t want you to give up on your dreams because of me.” his thumb was tracing patterns on your hand. “why is it so easy for you to understand when it comes to me but not when it comes to you?”

“i’m not giving up on my dreams,” you argued, your eyes meeting the boy on your bed with determination. “i just want to be with you right now.”

his fingers tightened around yours, trying to grasp the gravity of your decision. “we can still be together.”

“with 2000 miles between us?” you questioned. “we could barely handle a hundred. we’re finally good again. i don’t want to go to school across the country and have that change.”

“nothing’s going to change.”

“you don’t know that.”

“you’re right, i don’t know that.” he began, “but i do know that we literally broke up six months ago, and now i’m sitting on your bed again.”

“it wasn’t a break up; it was a break,” you interjected, a small smile playing on your lips.

“okay,” he dragged out the last syllable. “but my point still stands. we’ve been through a lot and we always end up right beside each other.”

you get your laptop from your desk and log into the admissions portal. “are you going to accept it now?”

“no time like the present.”

five months later, you found yourself getting in a taxi to your dorm with your parents by your side. they insisted on driving you there, but you managed to convince them that a cross country road trip would cause more harm than good to your familial relationship.

as you settled into the backseat of the cab, the familiar scent of your mother’s perfume enveloped you. the engine hummed softly beneath you, and the rhythmic sound of tires on pavement created a comforting backdrop.

your mother’s eyes sparkled with a mixture of excitement and a touch of sadness. she reached over and gently squeezed your hand, her grip warm and reassuring. “are you excited, honey?” she asked.

your father, who sat in the front seat, spent the entire ride bombarding you with questions about pepper spray.

you managed to drown out your parents, looking out the window, watching the cityscape evolve as you approached your dorm. the towering skyscrapers seemed to reach for the sky, casting long shadows over the bustling streets. you felt a knot of nervous energy settle in your stomach.

at your dorm, your parents helped you carry your bags up to your room. the air tingled with the scent of freshly painted walls and the promise of new beginnings. your room was a blank canvas, waiting for you to imprint it with your personality.

as you unpacked, your mother offered suggestions for organizing your belongings, and your father, more practically, made a list of all the necessities you needed to get like extra blankets and a first aid kit.

yuna, whose school went back in session a few days earlier, texted you inviting you to hang out with her and her roommate. you walked your parents back to their hotel, eating takeout from a nearby chinese restaurant in their room.

as the meal came to an end, there was a bittersweet air, as you gathered your things and left their room. you met yuna in a park downtown, sitting with her roommate. you ran towards her, the anticipation and joy bubbling over. she enveloped you in a tight hug. “i’m so glad you’re finally here.”

as you walked through the park, the conversation flowed effortlessly. you felt a sense of peace settle over you. it was like the first taste of the home you were building for yourself in this new, unfamiliar place.

you arrived back at your dorm alone. your room greeted you with a sense of familiarity. your side was a collage of memories and personal touches – framed photos, trinkets from home, and the soft glow of fairy lights casting a warm, golden hue.

you sat on your bed, looking out the window, the skyscrapers now standing in line with you. the city’s pulsed thrummed faintly in the distance. gone were the nerves that accompanied you earlier. in their place, a newfound sense of determination settled within you. you knew you had to do what you needed to make this place your own. it was the beginning of a new chapter, and you were ready to embrace it with open arms.

and luckily for you, this new chapter did not come at the detriment of your relationship at first. for the first two months of the semester, you and soobin were still talking everyday and about everything – your classes, the new recipes you were working on, how one of your professors worked at one of the most famous restaurants in the world, and about your friends, how much yuna’s presence helped you settle in, how your roommate neither leaves the room nor says a word to you.

for the first time in this relationship, you could almost say that everything was fine.

but as time went on, you felt yourselves shifting into your old patterns of not talking to each other. in the back of your mind, you couldn’t shake off the feeling that soobin had lied. it seemed like everything was changing. or maybe he was right. maybe this was how it always was. there were never enough hours in the day for you guys to be together and you were coming to find that had always been a pattern throughout your relationship. it was just like eighth grade, or the summer before he left for college, or his first semester of college. the story was almost exactly the same – first it was missing texts because of conflicting class times and time zones. but then hours became days which became weeks and before you knew it, winter break was knocking on your door.

this was the first time you would see soobin in four months and the only thing that you wanted to do was melt into his arms. the familiar sights of your childhood neighborhood rushed past as your dad drove you home from the airport. every turn brought you closer to that one house on the street, the house that held so many memories, and now, the promise of reconnection.

as the car pulled into your driveway, you couldn’t contain your excitement. leaping out, you dashed inside your house, tossing your bags onto your bedroom floor with reckless abandon.

his mother greeted you at the door. “y/n, honey, you’re back!” she exclaimed, pulling you into a tight embrace.

growing up, you never spent much time outside of soobin’s bedroom in his home. his father’s relentless work schedule and his mother’s hesitancy to host guests left the rest of the house shrouded in a quiet unfamiliarity. as you walked through the hallways, you thought about how cold and gray the house looked the summer they moved in. it wasn’t much different now.

a deep breath steadied you as you approached soobin’s closed door.

some things didn’t change. the butterflies that swarmed around in your stomach were a constant companion that signaled you were exactly where you needed to be. but then you thought about how lonely you were without him this semester and you decided that maybe everything changing was for the best.

“y/n, you’re home?” his face betrayed him showing confusion. he never had the best poker face.

“yeah,” you affirmed softly, pushing open the door. there, before you, sat a girl at his desk.

or not.

“uh, this is my friend from school, arin. she couldn’t get a flight home for winter break, so she’s staying here.” soobin explained.

“oh,” you responded with a mix of emotions swirling beneath the surface.

arin extended her hand to you. “hi, it’s so nice to meet you. you must be soobin’s neighbor.”

“and his girlfriend,” you added, declaring your place in the room.

awkward tension hung in the air, a palpable shift in dynamics. as the evening unfolded, you settled into a corner of the room, watching the two converse. your gaze shifted between them, your mind a whirlwind of emotions. you marveled at the ease with which they fell into conversation, recounting stories, laughing. a truly unsettling sight. a pang of envy tugged at your heart.

as the night wore on, their voices became a distant hum to you. you felt like a silent observer, a piece of scenery, fading into the background. you did not plan on watching your boyfriend giggle at someone else’s stories for three hours. you longed for his attention, but that seemed like an impossible request.

soobin, engrossed in his conversation, was too oblivious to your discomfort. it wasn’t that he didn’t care, but rather he was just caught up.

you watched them with a mixture of longing and resignation, trying to convince yourself that this was just a temporary moment of disconnect and that soobin would turn his attention back to you soon. but with each passing minute, that hope waned.

gathering resolve, you got up. “i think i’m going to head home.” you announced.

soobin and arin turned their attention to you, momentarily pulling away from their conversation. 

“are you sure?” soobin asked you.

you nodded. “yeah, it’s been a long day. i’ll see you later, soobin. it was nice to meet you, arin.” you turned back to your boyfriend, waiting for his response.

“i’ll walk you home,” he offered.

leaving the room, you couldn’t help but steal a glance back at arin, who was now engrossed in something on her phone. the ache in your chest grew.

the two of you stood in front of your house, the chill of the evening air settling around you. the soft glow from the porch light illuminated the path that led to your front door.

“so, she’s staying the entirety of winter break?” you asked.

“yup,” soobin replied, his words punctuated by a casual pop of the ‘p’. “is there something wrong?”

you hesitated for a moment. “no,” you finally shook your head, a small, rueful smile gracing your lips. “i just wanted to spend time with you alone.”

“we can still spend time together,” he assured. “i feel like you two would get along. she’s a lot like you.”

the reassurance didn’t offer the comfort you sought. instead, it settled uneasily in your stomach. you offered a distracted response, your gaze drifting from the quiet street to your front door. 

“yeah, maybe.”

“are you okay?” soobin asked, pulling you back to the present moment.

you forced a smile, masking the swirl of conflicting emotions beneath the surface. “yeah, just tired.”

“okay, goodnight, i’ll see you tomorrow.” he said, leaning down to kiss you. the touch of his lips felt foreign, like a puzzle piece that no longer fit quite right. it was an odd sensation, leaving you with a lingering sense of disconnection. like you were slipping away from each other. you didn’t want to think too much about it, but deep down you knew that no matter how tightly you tried to hold on, it would be no use.

“goodnight,” you whispered, stepping back and slipping into the warmth of your house.

the days that followed were a dance of awkwardness and unspoken tension. you yearned for soobin’s attention, for the familiar touch of his hand, but it just seemed so out of reach.

one chilly afternoon, you all gathered at a small diner on the corner of town. the warm scent of comfort food wrapped around you as you settled into the vinyl booth opposite arin. your boyfriend trailed behind you, hesitating for a moment before sliding into the booth beside you, a subtle shift that did not go unnoticed. it was a tiny pang, but it was there.

you smiled and tried to shake off the unease, focusing on the menu in front of you. as you chatted about school and plans for the break, you couldn’t help but notice soobin’s gaze flickering between the two of you. it was as if he was trying to find balance in a delicate equation.

another time, the three of you planned to visit the ice skating rink. when you arrived at soobin’s house, you were met with the unfamiliar sight of arin in the front seat of the car. you hesitated for a moment, unsure of where to sit. the glance you exchanged with arin held a silent question, but before you could say anything, soobin assured you it wasn’t a big deal.

as the car pulled away, the hum of their conversation and the pulse of the music filled the space, leaving you feeling like a distant observer.

you invited soobin over for a movie night, so imagine your surprise when you opened your front door to see both of them. you smiled dropped as you welcomed them into your house. this was supposed to bring back a flicker of normalcy. you were supposed to nestle into your boyfriend’s side. but even as the movie played, there was a subtle shift in the air. every moment spent with arin was a reminder of the growing distance, like a river slowly widening between you and the person you held closest.

then came that one precious weekend, a rare convergence of circumstances. both of you found your parents out of town at the same time. you invited soobin over and unfortunately, arin was working on a project for school so she couldn’t join. you had to stifle a surge of joy that threatened to bubble over.

“i’m so happy that we’re finally spending time together,” you exclaimed, gently closing your bedroom door behind you. soobin sat on your bed, with your computer resting on his lap. “alone.” you emphasized, a smile playing on your lips.

with purposeful steps, you crossed the room. you carefully lifted the laptop from his lap, placing it on your bedside table. then, with a graceful movement, you straddled his lap, feeling the warmth and familiarity of his presence beneath you.

“i really missed you,” you murmured, your breath mingling with his. leaning in, you captured his lips in a tender kiss.

the room pulsed with newfound energy as the kiss deepened. soobin’s touch was gentle as his hands found their place on the small of your back, holding you close, grounding you in the moment.

as passion ignited between you, a fire that had been smoldering for far too long, you hands moved with purpose, fingers deftly working to remove the barrier that separated you from him.

but then, he pulled away, his breaths coming in measured, uneven intervals. “w-what are you doing?”

“i’m ready,” you replied, your own voice barely above a whisper. the air crackled with tension, every beat of your heart echoing in the silence that followed.

he sat up straighter, his gaze locked with yours. “are you sure?”

“yes, soobin, i’m sure,” you asserted, mustering more confidence. “i want this.”

he took a moment, his breath steadying, before he spoke. “alright,” he said softly.

he gently guided you back onto the bed. “it might be more comfortable if i’m on top,” he suggested. he removed his shirt, casually tossing it to a corner of your room. “please tell me if you want me to stop.”

you nodded in understanding.

“i’m serious, y/n. i need you to tell me if you’re uncomfortable.”

“okay, i will.”

your heart raced as you laid there, your senses heightened. nervous energy tingled through your veins as his hands caressed your sides. his fingers traced the curves of your hips and thighs slowly. every inch of your body lit with flames as he touched you ever so lightly.

slowly, you mirrored his movements, your hands reached for the hem of your t-shirt. with a deep breath, you took off the old t-shirt to match him, laying eagerly in your pretty pink bra.

he stopped to look at you. “wow.” he breathed out. a rush of warmth flooded your cheeks, and you instinctively buried your face in  your hands. he pulled your hands down. “don’t hide your face from me, baby.” he murmured with tender eyes. “you’re just so pretty.”

you pulled him down to kiss him. “i need you,” you moaned into the kiss.

soobin’s mouth never left your body as he fumbled with his pants. he licked and sucked on your neck, taking his time with his gray sweatpants. soft moans and sighs kept slipping from your lips as he marked your skin.

“wait,” he stopped. “do you have a condom?”

“top drawer,” you breathed out.

soobin reached into the drawer by the bed, his fingers deftly finding the box nestled amidst an array of trinkets.

“open up for me.” you did as he said, and spread your legs a little wider. he could tell you were nervous as he pulled down your shorts. “do you trust me?” he asked, to which you nodded. “it might hurt for a second, but i promise you, it will only be a tiny amount of pain.” you wrapped your legs around his waist and he slowly rocked his hips against you.

you felt him position his hips so that they were perfectly in line with yours, his tip edging your entrance. he began to work his way into you inch by inch, before steadily pushing in until you were filled with his entire length. he threw his head back in pleasure as he bottomed out in you. your hands still on the back of his neck, you nudged him closer to you. “i know it hurts, baby. i’m sorry. just tell me what you need.”

the pain and discomfort was quickly replaced with pleasure. you gasped quietly, and soobin took it as a sign to finally begin moving. he fell into a rhythm of deep slow thrusts just sent you spiraling. he leaned his face down to your neck for a moment, pressing kisses along your flesh and nipping at your shoulder.

“f-fuck, you feel so good.”

he raised his face again, your noses inches apart. your face was contorted in pleasure and he couldn’t help but groan, thrusting into your harder.

“soobin?” you moaned out.

“yeah, baby? i’m right here.”

“i love you.”

he leaned back down to kiss you, his lips trailing down your jawline to your neck.

every kiss, every thrust progressively getting faster was sending you over the edge, making you pant and moan underneath him. the sounds coming from you were making his head spin and he could feel himself getting closer to his orgasm.

he was hitting you in the right spot, causing a knot to form in your lower stomach as you approached your breaking point. the knot in your stomach tightened and snapped. your walls spasmed and clenched around him as you released all over his cock. your body was shaking from the intensity, as you cried his name out. fueling his organs. his hips stuttered and he joined you in climax.

his movements ceased to slow rolls of his hips before eventually stopping.

soft pants and deep breaths invaded the space and filled the room around you. you stayed like that for a moment, catching your breath. he then carefully pulled out. he held your body close to his chest, his eyes softening as he looked down at your exhausted face. 

you nuzzled your head into soobin’s neck, kissing along his jawline. “that was so good.” you said between kisses. soobin responded with a contented hum, his fingers gently rubbing against your arm. the soft rustle of the sheets provided a soothing backdrop to the intimacy you had just shared, cocooning you in a bubble of fleeting bliss

but as the minutes passed, a subtle shift began to settle between you, like a distant tremor foreshadowing an impending quake. soobin’s touch, once tender and reassuring, began to falter. his breath, once steady and calming, now held an undertone of uncertainty.

“i should probably go back home,” soobin said, his arm slowly retreating from around your shoulder. “arin is alone.”

“seriously?” you turned to face him, a mixture of confusion and anger plastered on your face.

“what? she’s a guest.”

“you’re leaving?” you hold onto his arm, desperate to keep him close. “i thought you were going to spend the night.”

“i can’t leave her alone.”

“soobin, i just lost my virginity to you…” your voice trailed off, tears forming in your eyes. your hands dropped to your lap. the room seemed to close in around you, suffocating in its silence.

“y/n–” you could feel your blood boiling.

“don’t.” you shifted away from him on the bed. “i just lost my virginity to you and you want to spend the night with some other girl.”

“i’m not spending the night with her.”

“what’s so special about her?”

“what?”

“why have you chosen to spend every moment of this break with her instead of me?”

“we spend time together.”

“yeah, with her always there.”

the room seemed to hold its breath, the weight of your words settling into the air.

“she’s my friend and i care about her.”

“you care about her?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper, every word laced with a pain that cut through the silence.

“yes i do. she couldn’t go home for winter break. I just want to make sure she doesn’t feel alone.”

“well what about me?”

“y/n, come on.”

“i told you i loved you.”

“y/n, i–” you could almost hear your heart break. he couldn’t even say it back to you.

you quickly sobered up, your walls rising like a fortress around you. “i think you should leave.”

“hey,” he reached out to hold you, but you swatted his hand away, the touch too little, too late. his fingers hung in the air for a moment before dropping, defeated.

“no. i don’t want you here anymore. you should go home.”

soobin stood up and got dressed. his movements were deliberate and slow as he gathered his scattered clothes. he dressed in silence, every gesture laden with a sense of finality. as he stood by the door, fully dressed, soobin turned to look at you. his eyes held a mixture of regret and longing, a silent plea for understanding that hung in the space between you. you met his gaze, your heart aching with a complex blend of emotions – love, betrayal, and a yearning for something that now felt impossibly distant.

the door creaked open and closed softly, the sound echoing in the hollow space left behind. 

putting on a robe, you sat by your window, watching him go into his house, praying, hoping that he would turn around, see you sitting by your window, come back to you. but he just walked into his house, the door closing with a finality that sent a shiver down your spine. your room felt emptier than ever before.

you laid in your bed and let the tears fall freely, each drop a painful release. the weight of reality settled on your chest. a heavy ache seeped into your bones.

the days that followed felt like a slow-motion train wreck. it was as if the color had drained from the world, leaving only shades of gray. every passing moment that you didn’t hear from soobin was a jagged piece of glass, cutting into your soul. each night seemed longer than the last, filled with the silent echo of his absence.

you didn’t even know what hurt more — the raw vulnerability of giving him everything, only to have him leave, or the deafening silence that followed. the unanswered questions swirled like a storm in your mind. why hadn’t he reached out? was he feeling the same heartache that clung to your every breath?

his parents even visited for dinner and you had to paint a smile on your face throughout to hide the storm that raged within. when his mom inquired about your absence, you concocted a tale, your voice steady even though your heart felt like it might shatter.

other than your parents, the only person you spoke to was yuna, who became your lifeline even though she was on vacation with her parents. she was a voice of reason and a source of much-needed laughter. “honestly, fuck him. and fuck her too,” she declared.

“she didn’t even do anything,” you murmured in arin’s defense.

“who the fuck sits in the front seat of someone else’s boyfriend’s car?” yuna fired back, making you chuckle.

"i wish you were here. it's so miserable. i can't even leave my house because i'm scared i'm going to see him," you confessed, your voice a whisper edged with pain.

"if i was there, he'd probably have to file a restraining order against me."

returning to campus was like stepping onto a battlefield, but yuna was determined to wage war against the memories that threatened to engulf you and make you forget about a certain dark haired boy whose name you were no longer allowed to say. “you know what they say: in order to get over someone, you need to get under someone else.” she proclaimed from your closet, picking out something for you to wear tonight.

“i don’t know if i’m ready to get under someone else,” you admitted, fixing your mascara in your bathroom mirror, dressed in your robe.

“doesn’t matter if you actually do. you just need to get your mind off of him.” she hands you a black dress. “wear this. it always looks good on you.”

and so, you allowed yourself to be swept up in a night of bar hopping. the pulsing music and laughter washed over you like a healing balm. for a few precious hours, you were just another college student, drowning your sorrows in neon lights and thumping bass.

between the nights out, you threw yourself completely into your studies, the pursuit of a summer internship becoming your north star. you came to school to do something, and you weren’t going to let your heartache consume you.

spring was always a happy time for you. the air was warm, carrying with it the promise of renewal. it had been months since you had thought about soobin, and even longer since you had seen him. for the first time since that unfortunate night, you felt like you were completely over him. or at least getting there.

as you strolled back to your dorm from class, the world hummed with a quiet energy. the sun hung low in the sky and the air was soft and warm against your skin. but then you saw a familiar silhouette leaning against your dorm building. time seemed to stretch in that moment, the world around you fading into a blur. your heart quickened its pace, a staccato beat echoing in your chest.

"y/n," he breathed, his voice a soft plea that hung in the air. his presence was a sudden gust of wind, stirring the carefully constructed walls around your heart.

your guard was up, a fortress of steel around your heart. you wouldn't let him waltz back into your life just to tear you apart again. "what are you doing here?" you demanded, your voice steady despite the turmoil within.

"i wanted to talk to you."

"how did you find my address?"

"your mom gave it to my mom, who gave it to me."

you let him into your building, signing him in with the security guards in the front. the familiar surroundings now felt foreign with him there. in the confines of your dorm room, he looked around, his gaze grazing over the familiar details that now seemed foreign.

“you said you wanted to talk. so talk.” you said to him sitting down. you were so grateful that your roommate had gone to class. you really didn’t need her to be in the room with you now.

he glanced around, his face marked with uncertainty. “i don’t know where to start.”

you met his gaze without a word.

“i guess… i could start with sorry.” he offered with a nervous chuckle.

“i think that’s too little, too late, soobin.” you asserted, matter of factly.

“i miss you.”

“you can’t keep saying that.” your shoulders sunk. looking at him now, you could feel all the emotions bubbling back up — the anger, the hurt, the tears, they were all coming back to you.

“i know, but it’s true.” he rushed to add. “that’s why i came here. i wanted to see you. i know we didn’t leave things the right way.”

“soobin, you were the first person i ever had sex with and you left me right after.” you tried to keep your cool and maintain your composure, but it was getting increasingly harder.

“i-i know. i’m sorry,” he stammered, remorse filling his eyes.

“is that all you came here to say? sorry?” he looked at you apologetically, offering no further words. “you hurt me so much and you couldn’t even say anything to me afterwards. i waited every day for months to see if you would ever call me and you didn’t. it was like i meant nothing to you. it was just so easy for you to forget that i existed.” as the words flowed, you felt a strange mixture of relief and sadness wash over you. the wounds were still fresh, but there was a catharsis in finally addressing the unspoken.

“i’m s—” he stopped himself. “i know i hurt you. i don’t know what i can do to make it right.”

“i don’t think there’s anything you can do to make it right.” you said, wiping the slow tears from your face. you sat up, meeting his gaze squarely. “i spent our entire relationship fighting for you to pay attention to me. i can’t do that anymore. i don’t want to beg someone to care about me.”

“i care about you. you know that.”

“do i?”

“i didn’t think this conversation would go like this if i’m being completely honest.”

“i’m not angry at you anymore. at least i’m trying not to be.” you tell him. “and i don’t hate you, if you thought i did. i don’t think i could ever hate you.”

“i don’t think i can’t not have you in my life.”

“i’m still your neighbor.” you joked.

“it’s not the same.” he admitted quietly, sitting beside you. “y/n, i love you.”

“soobin–” you turned to face him, searching his eyes for any sign that he understood the depth of your pain.

“i know, it’s too late. i just wanted you to know.” his gaze fixed on his hands, fingers tracing invisible patterns on his jeans. “i can’t erase the past. but i want to try to make amends, to find a way back to some semblance of… of friendship, maybe.”

friendship. the word hung in the air, a fragile bridge between your shared history and the uncertain future.

“i don’t know if we can be friends. not right now, at least. maybe not ever.”

he looked up, pain etched in the frown lines across his face. “i understand,” he murmured, voice heavy with regret.

silence enveloped, broken only by the distant sounds of life outside. after what felt like an eternity, you finally spoke, your voice softer now. “i think i need time. to you know, figure out my shit.”

he nodded. “i want you to know that i’m sorry. truly.”

“i know.”

with a heavy heart, you walked him to the door. as he left, you closed the door behind him, leaning against it for support. alone in the quiet of your dorm, you let the tears come. finally you had a release of all the emotions long held in check. you had tried your hardest to bury them, but now it was time for them to finally come out. the pain was still there, but with each tear that fell, you felt a small measure of healing begin.

in the days that followed, you took each moment as it came, allowing yourself to grieve for what was lost and to slowly rediscover the strength within you. spring continued to dance outside, and you vowed to find your own renewal.

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[maximumkillshot]

I Can't Lose You-Part 11

Warnings: Triggering memories of the miscarriage, Some is grabbing, shoving, graphic violent thoughts, Cursing, Bin Loses It, threats, Bin hurts himself unintentionally oh yeah and Han loses it too

Pairing: BangChan x Reader?

Characters: Bin, Soo 😒, Han, Stray Kids, Chan is mentioned quite a bit.

A/N: Happy Birthday @galamxy and I am so sorry to everyone in advanced. This one is gonna hurt, but... BUT I am letting you know ahead of time

I Can't Lose You Masterlist-CLICK HERE

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Previously: “He won’t… too much respect… I however,” I stated very matter-of-factly, “Have a very hard line, Soo. I don’t touch women in any violent way ever… But if anyone messes with my family and with whe people I love? All of a sudden gender is irrelevant… So the next time you speak, I recommend you speak with that in mind.” I saw the blood drain from her face, I felt a new level of base in my voice. The anger is starting to reach a level I can’t control.   Minho added on with “Usually I’d have too much respect. That was before what you said about Y/N.  About her losing the baby being a good thing. That it’d make the divorce less messy…” My eyes went wide as my heart dropped on the floor, shattered. When did this happen? How did this happen? I looked away from Soo for the first time, “I don’t think I heard you correctly… She said WHAT?” 

Now:

I can’t believe that this came out of her mouth. Given I never would’ve expected this type of behavior from her either but here we are. I looked at Minho’s face and I could tell he wasn’t lying. I looked at Hannie who was sitting on my opposite side and his face said the same. 

If I wasn’t sitting I would have probably collapsed. I went from a relaxed position to leaning forward, cracking my neck as I tried to contain my rage. I wiped my hands down my face, Changbin, calm down, I told myself. I went back to what Seungmin told me, “You promised her you were coming back.”  

I heard Hannie say… “Wait.”

When I looked at him, his mouth was open in utter disbelief, “You knew…” he said to Soo… When I looked back at Soo all I saw was a smile creeping onto her face, “You knew they were trying to conceive?! When Chan told you, there was no gasp of shock, no condolences… even now…  You’re smiling because you knew…”

Soo smiled saying, “How do you think Chris and I started talking in the first place? It was clear she was broken, now the outside matches the inside. Maybe this will be a warning for you.” She looked at me, “She’s damaged goods, don’t you want to know what it’s like to be a dad?” How dare she. I looked at Han as he stared daggers at her. Hannie is not known for becoming angry, but he looks enraged at what Soo just said. I looked back to Soo.

I looked into her eyes as I wondered what she meant by that. ‘She’s damaged goods, don’t you want to know what it’s like to be a dad?’ I’ve never been good at hiding my fondness for Angel, that’s for sure, but I don’t know where she’s getting at. Angel has only had eyes for Chan, her person… hurt my person.

 I don’t know why she would throw something like her fertility at me like it’s some deal breaker. It isn’t. I could live in a shack with nothing except Y/N and I would be the richest man on the planet. Children would be nice, but if it meant giving her up, I don’t need kids, I need her. This is all hypothetical of course.

I was sure she could feel the tension shift as I could feel my face contort from the rage, “So not only are you so fucking desperate that you’ll cheat with your best friend’s husband. Not only will you cheat knowing they were trying to conceive, but when they finally do conceive, after TWO YEARS you say that it was a good thing that child died because it would make the divorce less messy?!” I've never felt this level of rage. It was almost accusatory the way she threw Y/N’s fertility. Like because she didn’t get pregnant, that’s why they cheated. 

I am feeling so many levels of disdain, hurt, and disbelief. How could anyone say that about anyone else? It is unfathomable to me how someone could hurt someone else like this. How someone could think that let alone voice it. That takes it to a different level of disgust for me. 

Han sighed as he said, “And you sit there, almost blaming Y/N for your sins? For Chris’ sins? You don’t know anything about what she’s been through. Constantly waiting for Chris, him making her feel like an afterthought,” Han added on, “telling her he has no time for her, that he has more important things to do. One of us,” He pointed to himself and me, “One of us slept in the same bed as her every night because she’d cry to sleep on her own. You know what? We’d do it again. All of it. Because she is worth that and more.” I could feel Han vibrating with emotion. I can tell I’m not the only one that is feeling this. 

I tacked on, “Meanwhile he’s cheating with you,” I scoffed, “Talk about trading in a diamond for a piece of glass. You are the lowest of the low. She isn’t broken. You two are!” I took a breath, “I don’t know what to do with what you’ve done. I’m hurt and angry, and I’m not even the one who was cheated on!” I barked at her.  

The images of me doing things I didn’t want to do started flashing in my head. She isn’t a woman anymore, hell, she isn’t even a person. I could see myself grabbing it by the throat, picking it up, throwing it across the room, and punching, and screaming while I did it. Using its face as a punching bag. I can’t… As much as I want to, I can't.  A sinister, yet just voice playing right next to Seungmin's in my mind, It’s right there in front of you. You’re in pain, agony even… Take it out on one of the people that caused it. No one would blame you. Meanwhile, Seungmin’s voice is still playing, “Don’t make her lose you too.” 

I almost lunged out of my chair before I caught myself. Instead of getting up and doing what I wanted, I screamed, “HOW?! How did she find any humanity in you!? A child died, an innocent child who did nothing wrong…died. Gone, will never have the chance to breathe. Somehow, you view it as a good thing?! THEN YOU COME HERE!!” I could feel every cell in my body burning, trying to just reach across and… “ YOU COME HERE, TRYING TO ACT LIKE YOU’RE HER FRIEND?!”

I looked at her as I grabbed her shirt, I got up dragging her to her feet along with me, “You want to know what I’m thinking right now?” I smiled at her. This felt good. Seeing her realize just how much danger she is in. She thought I wouldn’t move. Like I said before, I don’t discriminate when it comes to protecting my own.

I could see the tears start to form in her eyes as I vaguely heard Han, “Hyung? Bin!”

“I am thinking about how easy it would be to turn your face into a fucking suggestion, make the outside match the inside. Disgusting, putrid, worthless, bloody… Han and Minho are strong, but not strong enough or fast enough to stop me from crushing your windpipe with one hand.” I grabbed the back of her neck, squeezing enough to make it known. 

She yelped as I continued, “It wouldn’t be hard for me. I lift twice your weight for fun.” I laughed, “No one’s here to save you. Especially not your shitty boyfriend… He’s nursing a broken nose at home…”

I felt her body tense, “I don’t want to stop at a broken nose for you…” I chuckled. “I want to send a message so badly. I want to put you in the ICU,” I seethed just inches from her face.“I was happy you stood away but now you DARE walk into here. Demanding to see her, after you say something so vile, so…”  

I could feel Han trying to loosen my grip, I was barely registering anything except her deer-in-the-headlights stare, “Now that you tried to come here when I wasn’t here, trying to capitalize,” I saw that same smirk playing at her lip. “I was going to let you go if I ever saw you again… Now..” I could feel my chest heaving as I said, “Now I want to make it clear to YOU and CHRIS… you come near her… I’ll kill you… I meant it when I said it to him, looks like he needs a reminder. You’ll have to pay for both sins.” She started yelping as I screamed, “SHUT YOUR MOUTH. You have no RIGHT, no SHAME…” I don’t recognize my voice, it’s so heavy, leering… They turned you into this. Show them. 

I heard Minho, “Changbin-ah I know…I want to hurt her too, I want it so badly but we can’t… We aren’t them, Bin.” I shrugged him off as I dragged her to the nearest wall and shoved her against it.

I threw my fist at the wall right next to her head. I felt it vibrate with the hit, “You have no idea what I want to do to you right now. It is taking everything in me not to destroy you.”  She was whimpering as she cried, trying to look away from me. “The pain that I want to put you through is nothing compared to what Y/N is going through. Look at you, a coward that can’t even look me in the eye. She is more than you could ever be.” 

I could feel myself wanting to pick my fist back up and land it on her face so badly. I have never wanted to hurt anyone, until now. The disrespect, the pain, and the absolute lack of empathy make me want to tear her apart. I have been holding in so much pain and agony for so long that I feel like I’m going crazy. I need someone to take it out on. Who better than one of the people who stabbed Y/N in the back? Who else is more deserving than one of the people who killed her child? This makes sense, call it karmic justice. Even breathing just thinking about it feels better. 

I can vaguely hear Hannie… Not like I really can hear much of anything aside from Soo’s pathetic whimpers. For someone so brazen to be this cowering mess, all for seeing me like this. I felt my features soften at that as I smirked at her, even chuckling slightly at the fact that for some reason she decided coming down here was a good idea. If anything this is Darwinism at work, right? A part of me thinks so, at the very least.

If I were to fully embrace this… the impending feeling I knew would cause goosebumps at the relief. Seungmin’s in my head again, “Y/N deserves everything we got.” This mental tug of war makes me feel like I am being torn in half, I just want to cause pain. I want Soo to hurt. I made my decision, Get your relief… It’s not a person…

As I went to shift my weight, I heard “Binnie?”.... Y/N?

I could hear her coming from a phone. That once melodic voice quaking. She was reaching for me. Begging me by only saying my name. My whole body froze, and my vision stopped narrowing, hearing her. “Binnie? Hannie, where's Binnie?” I heard her say again. She sounds so scared. I could tell she had been crying, she needed me. I can’t do this to her. 

I saw Han come into my peripheral, his phone in his hand.

“He’s right here Anya... Binnie’s right here.” Hannie’s voice is so stiff, he’s never afraid of me. I hate it when people are afraid of me. When my eyes flicked to Han I could see the fear. He put his hand on my arm that I was holding Soo’s shirt with. That touch helped me ground myself and see things from a different perspective.

“Why is Binnie not talking Hannie? Did I do something wrong?” I heard her, loud and clear as I tried to gain control of my body again. I wanted to scream,

“No, it’s not your fault, Angel. No, I am just… I’m hurting, Love. I’m hurting so fucking bad and I don’t know where to place it. I only ever went to Channie Hyung when I was in pain. I don’t know what to do knowing he was the one that caused it, Angel. He hurt you, I trusted him to take care of you, you’re my heart… When you cry, I cry; when you hurt, I hurt. You could never do something to warrant me not talking to you. You have never done anything wrong, I love you so much,” My mouth isn’t working as the memories flash. My chest wants to cave in.

“No nothing’s wrong, Anya. Binnie is just listening to your voice, is that okay?” Han asked so gently. How is he so gentle right now? The woman in front of me is one-half of the reason Y/N is here. She’s in my hands right now. The screams replay in my head as I look at Soo, If she knew she never would’ve come here, I’m lying to myself now as my grip tightens on her. 

“Yeah, is Binnie coming back? He promised he would,” I heard her ask. Of course, I’m coming back. She’s my home, how could I leave her? Especially like this. Soo isn’t worth it, and neither is Chan, but I want them to pay. I felt my hand throb against the wall. Feeling the texture as it stands against my fist take some of the haze away. Pleading to Y/N in my head, “I want them to pay, pleeease let me make them pay. Let me make sure they’ll stay away, Angel. I need to protect you, you’re the only part of me that matters.” “Hannie I want my Binnie I’m scared,” I heard her so clearly, I could even hear the sniffles that she would allow to escape every once in a while. I could feel myself at war with what I wanted and what was right. I want to kill Soo, but killing is wrong. So I was stuck there with the love of my life practically begging me to choose her over what I wanted to do. I was trying so hard to open my mouth and try to sound strong but I was three seconds from collapsing. I’m scared too, Angel. I’m terrified. I can’t lose you. I won’t survive it. I’m not me without you. 

“M’here Angel. I’ll..” my voice betrayed me. I cleared my throat, “I’ll be there in a minute. I’ll see you soon,” I felt tears brimming in my eyes as I looked at Soo. I could see the shock on her face, that has to be enough for me. 

At the end of it all, hurting Soo would do nothing. It won't get Y/N anywhere. The pain, the suffering, it's all still going to be there, only she'll have to face it all without me. I can't do that to her. It's not fair, what happened to her. I have to let Soo go, to protect my Angel. That is more than doable. 

Hannie hung up the phone and I looked at Soo as I said, “You aren’t worth any ounce of effort anyone puts towards you. You are a nerveless little leech that sucked the life and kindness out of someone I love very much. You tell Chris what you saw here today. You tell him every detail… Especially this… If you or Chris ever try to come near her uninvited… I will not be this kind again… Do you understand me?”

She nodded violently as I released my grasp on her shirt, instead shoving her by her shoulder to Han, almost knocking both of them down in the process as I said, “Han, get her out of here before I change my mind.” I faced the wall as I tried to breathe. I have never wanted to kill someone more than just now. I’m scared, relieved, and also guilty. 

Just the fact that I was so close to possibly losing Y/N again while I was gone, shot through me like lightning in that car. Now I’m here and the threat’s gone. The original one is. That was relieving, but now I am so guilty.

If Y/N saw me like this, she would’ve been disappointed. Is that the kind of man I am? 

As soon as I register the door closing my knees hit the concrete and I’m blinded by my tears. Who am I? Soo was so scared… and I liked it? I wanted more of it. I wanted her to feel the fear Y/N felt. The pain she feels. Y/N would never want that for anyone. I almost caused her more pain. For what? To satiate my own need? 

“What kind of man am I?” I asked no one in particular as I felt the rage ebbing into whispers, staring at my hands, one already developing bruises from how hard I punched the wall, the other aching from how tight my grip was on Soo’s shirt. An image flashed of when Y/N went limp in my arms, her screams louder than the last time. My shoulders shook with the sobs that left me then. 

I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder as I heard Minho speaking softly, “You are the type of man that would do anything for the woman he loves. You’re the type that takes her pain as your own.”

I turned to Minho and said, “Hyung, I don’t know what to do. I can’t take it away.” my tears started running down my face. All I heard was Minho saying, ‘I got you’ and I let go collapsing on him. 

Minho said right into my ear, “You are a loving, caring person, Changbin. You trusted a person with your own heart and they destroyed it. It’s natural to want blood, Bin. You just proved to yourself that love is more important than revenge. You, Seo Changbin, are the type of man that is rarest of all.” I continued to cry as I held onto Minho, “You are unapologetically you. You live with your heart on your sleeve and you give without asking for anything.” “I can hear it all… Every time I hear her screams, I feel her go limp in my arms, I see the blood,” I gulped in the air, “I wa-want to make it better, Hyung. Why can’t I take it from her?” I asked.

I felt Minho quivering as he sniffled himself, “No one can, I’m sorry Changbin-ah.” I knew that answer. Logically I knew it. “But what you can do..” I looked at him, “You can show her, that loving a person is unconditional. It is as simple as breathing. You show her, that no matter what she can or can’t give you, you’ll be there. Not because you have to, but because you want to.”

I nodded as I tried to stop the tears with Minho saying periodically, “Take your time… Breathe, you’re okay. You’re good.” I was mumbling to myself how I couldn’t believe I thought what I thought and he responded with, “Don’t go there. I’m proud of you for stopping and thinking. That’s what matters.”I wasn’t sure how much time had passed as I heard Minho say, “Let me see your hand.”

I showed it to him. I could see the black and blue forming on my knuckles. When he asked me to make a fist, it was a little painful but not that bad. He smiled as he said “Good news, nothing looks broken… the bad news is there is no way you’re going to be able to hide it from Y/N. So what’s the plan Changbin, any ideas?” His eyebrows went up in question. 

“I’m not going to lie to her, Minho. I can’t.” I said plainly. She is already so fragile and lying wouldn’t help that. I also can’t tell her that I lost it and almost hurt Soo. Given, I was mad, but still. I don’t know. 

His eyebrows furrowed as he smirked, “You know sometimes you’re a little too chilverous.” I just grinned as he continued, “Alright I guess I’ll have to explain it… As far as I’m concerned you slammed your hand in the car door when you were trying to get back here. Sound good?” I nod. 

I heard Minho’s phone go off and I saw Lix’s face on the screen, “one guess” he giggles. He picked it up and put it on speaker.

“MinMin where’s my Binnie?” I heard Y/N loud and clear through the phone. She sounds a little better, I could hear the tease in it. “We were just wrapping up here Beautiful, everything okay?” He asked, smiling at me. 

“Yeah, just Inn-ah trying to eat the last brownie I’m saving for Binnie.” She giggled. My heart swelled. She was saving it for me? I haven’t had one of those in… almost a year now that I think about it.

I heard Inn-ah in the background, “Just a nibble, Y/N?” 

She giggled as she said, “Binnie hasn’t had one in a while Innie, and you live with the guy that makes them.” She laughed. She’s thinking about me? After all of this. She’s focused on me?? I think Minho could see the confusion as he looked at me.

I giggled as I said, “What about the bag of snacks we brought for the boys Seungmin?” I heard Seungmin’s voice loud and clear, “They picked it clean, vultures… I’m surprised the bag’s still there.” I heard Y/N laugh slightly louder. It melted me to my core as I laughed.

I heard Hyunjin say, “Says the one who had a whole pan of brownie to himself. I don’t mind eating clean but had I known I would’ve fought you for that pan, Seungmin.” I could see Hyunjin’s face in my head glaring at Seungmin. 

I laughed as I said, “OK Angel we are on our way. Sorry, it took so long.” I smirked at the phone, I couldn’t wait to see her. I always get this swell in my heart that spreads to all of me when I see her. 

“It’s okay. As long as you’re coming back that’s all I care about.” She giggled. Minho hung up and said, “What happened in this room, stays in this room.” I think he could tell that I was embarrassed about my breakdown. I’m used to being the person that people go to for support. I am rarely the one to need the support. This was Minho’s way of saying my breakdown stays with him. I patted him on the back, silently thanking him. 

When we walked out into the hallway I could see Hannie waiting by the door. Minho motioned for Hannie to come towards us. When he met us Minho whispered, “Follow my lead.” With that we walked back to the room together, Minho leading. When Minho went in he explained the hand injury away, “First thing’s first Beautiful. You’ll notice that Binnie’s hand is bruised, it was an accident, he’s fine and it’s not broken, okay?” He looked relieved as he motioned for me to come in.

When I came in I was met with a gentle smile from her. At that moment I realized something. Soo never told me why she was here. I know why she’s here. Chan was banking on me losing it, seeing her. He was banking on me getting myself arrested or at the very least kicked out so that I would be ripped away from Angel’s side. I smiled wider knowing that not only did I keep my cool, but this experience that he caused just made me want to stick closer to her. 

Every time it feels like the first time I see her. Always takes my breath away. Even in a hospital gown, chocolate remnants on her face. I smiled at her, “Hi, Angel, sorry it took a bit. You have something for me?” I asked as I went to sit in a chair. 

She looked at me with furrowed brows, “I want my Binnie cuddles,” She said as she reached out for me. How could I deny that? I saw Seungmin get up and walk to a chair, sitting down. 

I smiled at her as I nestled up to her in the hospital bed. She smiled as she handed me the last piece of brownie, “It’s the corner piece, your favorite.” 

She looked up at me and wiped a tear from my face, when did I start crying again? “Why are you crying, Binnie?” 

I answered honestly, “I’m so happy to see you giggling and seeing you save this for me. I’m just lucky to know you, let alone be a part of your life.” I dried a tear from her too as I smiled. 

She buried her face into my side as she giggled. That made everyone in the room break out in smiles. The rest of the night was passed in smiles and laughs until eventually, Y/N started yawning. I looked at her trying to fight the sleep until I guided her head to my chest again. She was sleeping before I could even notice. One by one, everyone was asleep except for me. Seeing everyone asleep. I permitted myself to pass out for the night too, and before I knew it, I was out like a light myself. 

_______________________________________________________

WANT MORE? Tell me So! Want in on the tags? Shoot me an ask and consider it done!

#Flashbacks #Some is grabbing #shoving #graphic voilent thoughts #Cursing #Bin Loses It #threats #Han goes apeshit #\ #Bin losing it #A person is grabbed #cursing #boundaries #Anger in Bin's mind (You will see why this is a warning." #Mentions of miscarriage #Things come to light. #stray kids fanfic #stray kids imagine #stray kids x reader #stray kids #bang chan angst #bangchan #bang chan imagines #bang chan #seo changbin #changbin angst #skz angst #skz imagines #skz scenarios #skz

[explosionkatsu]

“Age doesn’t matter.” 1

Dad!Bakugou x FBabysitter!Sensei!Reader

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16

The day that Katsuki married her, most of his friends kept advising him it was not a good idea, she was a walking red flag, and she only loves him for his wealth since being the second-ranked hero he is and holding his own agency, money isn't a problem to him.

Until he got her pregnant. After giving birth to his son, recuperating, and finally moving on her own again, she left him without any notice, not any letter. He just got home and frantically made his way to his wailing child in his crib. Katsuki immediately picked him up and made his way to the kitchen preparing his child a bottle for his formulated milk. As soon as he felt the milk was lukewarm, he tap the nipple of the bottle on his child’s lips and saw how his son starts sucking it.

That made Katsuki leave work for a month until he was able to ask for help. With the help of Mitsuki and Masaru, they took care of their grandchild in daylight, and when Katsuki got off from work, he would pick up his child and take care of him by the night. Even though his mom insisted to take care of her grandchild full-time, Katsuki declined and said that he wanted to take care of his own blood as much as he can.

Years passed and his now 7 years old son adores him very much. He saw how his father beat up the villain and save people. It makes him want to be a hero like him. Every time Katsuki would come and pick him up from his grandparents, he would reenact the moves Katsuki did making Katsuki smirk.

“Alright brat. Stop with that and pick up your stuff. Let's head in.” Katsuki said parking his car in his garage as he opens the door for his son to get off.

“You look so cool! And you went kick! And then bam!” the kid said as he went and pick up his things from the back seat.

“I know I am. Now let's go inside.” Katsuki said locking the car door and going inside their home.

Once they both settled, Katsuki changed from his work clothing to his normal clothing and starts preparing their dinner. “Oi. Don't forget to work on your assignment!” he yelled, receiving awe in response that made him chuckle.

Katsuki watched his son drag down his school bag making his way to the living room where the center table is.

“I heard from your teacher you’re doing well,” Katsuki said as he chopped the ingredients.

“I need to be good so that I can be strong like you!” his son said making Katsuki smirk.

“You think I’m strong?” Katsuki looked at his son who was working on his homework by himself.

“Mhm!!”

Katsuki took his time watching his son count his fingers before saying aha as if finding out the answer. When Katsuki continued his chopping, little did he know his son suddenly went quiet and stopped writing. He stared blankly at his unfinished homework before speaking up.

“Dad,” he called out softly.

“What?” Katsuki replied thinking that he might need his assistance with his homework.

“Why don't I have a mom?”

His question made him halt his chopping. He knows the answer to his question and yet he was hesitating to say it. He's too young to know that his mom suddenly left them when he was still a baby.

“I saw my classmates being picked up my their mom.” His son added.

“I could pick you up after school.” Katsuki glancing at him.

“I hate being left alone at school when Grandma can't pick me up.. Sometimes, Ms. Y/n would take me out with her and eat in a cafe.”

This he didn't know. “What?”

“Sometimes grandma and grandpa can't pick me up because they have a lot of clothes to make so I'm always left alone at school with Ms. Y/n”

Why doesn’t his mom tell him this?

“How long do you usually wait for them to pick you up?” Katsuki was pissed.

“It gets dark outside. Ms. Y/n would take me to her home and would cook for me! She's a great cook, dad!”

Katsuki will make sure he’ll discuss this with his parents.

“Sometimes, Ms. Y/n is like a momma to me! She take care of me. She wipes the dirt off my knees whenever I tripped. She has a small apartment though. But it's very clean!” Katsuki stared at his son as he rambles about his teacher. “And, and, Ms. Y/n has a healing quirk! It's very cool whenever I watch her heal someone, her hands are glowing! Although if it heals, she’ll get a wound out of nowhere..”

Katsuki is now interested. He has this eagerness to meet this teacher his son is talking about. He's been too busy being a hero to the point he relies on his parents to drop his son at school. But after what he heard, this is the first time he’ll drop his son to school.

#bakugou katsuki #bnha bakugo katsuki #katsuki bakugo mha #mha bakugou #bakugou katuski x reader #bakugou x reader #bakugou x y/n

[ray4hotchner]

Reckless

❀ 𝕡𝕒𝕚𝕣𝕚𝕟𝕘: aaron hotchner x reader

❀ 𝕤𝕦𝕞𝕞𝕒𝕣𝕪: Y/N, a team member of the BAU, faces her past during a challenging case. Struggling to cope, Y/N's impulsive actions strain her relationship with Hotch.

❀ 𝕨𝕠𝕣𝕕 𝕔𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕥: 5.5k

❀ 𝕒𝕦𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕣’𝕤 𝕟𝕠𝕥𝕖: Hi everyone, I finally caved in and wrote something on my own. This is my first fic, so let me know what you think

❀ 𝕞𝕒𝕚𝕟 𝕒𝕔𝕔: @iyv-ray24

On Ao3

Normally, Y/N was one of the last people to board the jet after a case. Not this time though. She didn't wait for the team and drove straight from the sheriff's station to the airport once the case was wrapping up. It had been a couple of stressful days, and everyone was exhausted. However, Y/N was not only exhausted but also very, very pissed – pissed at the team, pissed at herself, but most importantly, at Hotch.

This case was not easy for any of them. Three girls between the ages of 9 and 13 were abducted, horribly abused, and killed before their bodies were dumped in different local parks in the city. The BAU was called in when the third child was missing, but unfortunately, they arrived way too late. Now, the fourth girl, Casandra Johnson, an 11-year-old, was missing.

Most of the times, Y/N wouldn't have problems with distancing herself emotionally from cases, but this one just hit too close to home. Her little baby sister was abducted from their front porch when she was 9. Y/N herself was only a teenager at that time, and she was the one babysitting her sister. Just a couple of minutes of distraction, and her baby sister was gone forever. They found her body a week later, and the man who killed her luckily got caught, but Y/N never forgave herself and lived every day with the guilt of letting her sister down.

Yep, the team knew all about this stuff. They were familiar with each other's messed-up pasts and traumas; they were like a close-knit family, after all. So, when Penelope started laying out all the details about the case, she could feel her teammates' eyes on her. Sure, it wasn't easy to stare at pictures of innocent little girls and remember what happened to her own sister, but that wasn't going to stop her from getting her job done. She was a pro at this, and as far as she was concerned, this was just another case.

She found herself in the tiny kitchenette of the jet, pouring a cup of coffee, when Hotch walked over.

"Hey, want some coffee?" she offered, but he just shook his head.

"You doing okay?" he asked, standing close because the kitchenette was so darn small.

"Why wouldn't I be?" she replied, knowing exactly why, but she wasn't about to show her feelings to him.

"You could sit this one out, you know.”

"Hotch, no way! Please don't even suggest that! These girls deserve justice, and I've got to see it through."

"I get it, but if things start getting too heavy and overwhelming, promise me you'll give me a heads-up," he said gently.

"You bet," she nodded.

They hung there for a few more seconds. Hotch's presence always had a calming effect on her, and she felt more grounded when he was around. He saw the tension on her face and he probably wanted to reach out and offer comfort, but he held back. So, he turned around and went back to his seat. She watched Hotch walk away and caught eyes with Emily, who gave her a knowing look. She was the only one on the team who knew how Y/N felt about Hotch. To this day, she regretted telling Emily, on a drunken night, that she had a crush on their boss. Emily had persistently encouraged her on more than a few occasions to confess her feelings, but she had consistently declined, fearing the potential embarrassment and awkwardness it could create between them. Emily smirked at her, but she only mouthed "Don't" before also returning to her seat.

The case was progressing as usual – examining the crime scene, talking to victims' relatives and potential eyewitnesses, and creating the unsub profile. Throughout the investigation, the team noticed Y/N becoming increasingly agitated. However, things took a sharp downward turn after Casandra was kidnapped. Y/N grew moody, neglected sleep and food, and immersed herself in reexamining the same files and evidence over and over again.

Y/N and Spencer found themselves back at the last crime scene, as Y/N insisted on revisiting it, when new information arose. Penelope added them to the group call and informed everyone that her research had led her to a man fitting the unsub's profile. She sent over his last registered address.

"We're nearby. It's not far from the last crime scene," Y/N informed the team.

"We'll meet you guys there," Derek said before they ended the call. Y/N and Spencer then drove to the address.

They parked in front of the house and awaited the team's arrival when Y/N spotted movement inside. She immediately called Hotch.

"Hotch, there's someone in the house. Maybe he's holding the girl in there. We need to go in. Now!"

"We'll be there shortly. You can't go in there without backup," Hotch cautioned.

"Spencer is here too."

"Agent Y/L/N, I said wait. That's an order!" Hotch's tone was stern.

"I'm sorry, I have to," Y/N replied, and with that, she exited the car and headed toward the front door of the house. Hotch heard Spencer shouting after Y/N before the call ended. Cursing under his breath, he instructed Derek to speed up.

In under 5 minutes, the team reached the unsub's address. The front door had been kicked open, and the team could hear Y/N yelling at someone.

"Where is he? Tell me! Where is your brother?" She was shouting, pinning a young man facedown on the carpet. Y/N's knee was pressed into his back, immobilizing him as she held his hands behind his back.

"Agent Y/L/N, that's enough!" Hotch's order rang out, and he turned to Emily, gesturing for her to take over. Emily walked over, cuffed the man's hands, and assisted him to his feet. The officers and the team exited the house. As they were leaving, Hotch turned to Y/N and said, "We will discuss this later."

Upon arriving at the station, Hotch instructed Derek and Rossi to interrogate the suspect's brother regarding the unsub's whereabouts. He told the team, except for Y/N, to leave the room the sheriff assigned to the BAU upon their arrival. Facing her, Hotch clenched his jaw, in order to stay calm.

"You are off the case," he stated in an unwavering voice.

"Hotch, no, I'm—"

"You. Are. Off. The case. Agent Y/L/N."

"That's not fair. We have the guy's brother."

"That's not fair? That's not fair? Are you really talking back right now?" Hotch's anger escalated.

"I said I'm sorry! But what if we would have lost our chance? That guy had his things packed; he was leaving!"

"I don't care if he was leaving or not! You can't act on your own in situations like this! You put yourself and Spencer in danger."

"We're fine!"

"Yeah, luckily! But you didn't know what awaited you behind that door. Both of you could have been injured or worse. Your actions were selfish and unprofessional. I don't want you anywhere near anything related to this case until we're back in Quantico. Do you understand?"

Y/N didn't even respond; she simply stormed out of the room. She headed straight to the bathroom, seeking some privacy to calm down. Splashing her face with ice-cold water, she leaned over the sink, taking deep breaths while still seething with anger. Just then, JJ entered the restroom. Like everyone else at the station, she had heard the heated exchange between Hotch and Y/N and came to check on her.

"Hey, are you alright?"

"I'm off the case."

"Maybe it's for the best, don't you think?"

"Not you too, JJ," Y/N replied, releasing a heavy sigh as she dried her hands and face. She walked past JJ and left the restroom, unwilling to argue with her as well. Although she was banned from anything related to the case, Hotch hadn't instructed her to leave the station entirely or return to the hotel, so she remained. In the breakroom, she sat, observing and straining to catch any updates. She watched as Derek and Rossi emerged from the interrogation room, but they refused to share information due to Hotch's orders. Naturally, Spencer and Emily also followed Hotch's directives, all for Y/N's own well-being.

Suddenly, there was movement as the team geared up, putting on their vests. Clearly, they had a new lead. Y/N swiftly rose, walking toward the team to grab her own vest, but Hotch halted her immediately.

"I told you that you're not allowed anything related to the case."

"Hotch, come on! Punish me with paperwork or anything else, but not like this, please!"

"No."

"Hotch, maybe you should—" Derek attempted to intervene.

"I said no!" Hotch's tone was firm as he locked eyes with Y/N. He could see the anger in her eyes and how she was holding back tears of frustration. With Hotch's final words, the team exited the station and drove away. Unable to hold back, Y/N retreated to the bathroom, shedding a few tears of anger. She knew she had made a mistake and was in the wrong, but the frustration and sense of being left behind lingered. Hotch should have been the first to understand the weight of guilt from not saving a loved one. Yet, he treated her as the issue, disregarding the missing child who might require the help of every agent for her rescue.

She let out a deep breath, a release that felt like she had been holding it in for days, as the team returned to the station with the little girl in Emily's arms. Y/N's gaze remained fixed on the heartwarming scene of the girl reuniting with her parents, embraces and kisses shared all around.

Mistiness gathered in Y/N's eyes once more, her mind drifting to how it might have felt to get her own little sister back all those years ago. Lifting her eyes from the heartwarming family reunion, her gaze locked with Hotch's, and it was as if he could read her thoughts. He took a step towards her, but she promptly spun around and walked away.

Hotch was not surprised by her reaction; he didn't even know why he had attempted to approach her. He did know, deep down, but he wasn't ready to admit it to himself, especially not at this moment. A few minutes later, he noticed Y/N storming out of the station, her bag slung over her shoulder.

"She said she'll be waiting by the jet," JJ informed Hotch as they both watched Y/N leave.

That was why she found herself being the first to arrive at the jet, a rarity. Normally, she'd take the seat in front of Hotch, and they'd dive into their paperwork during the flight back home. It was an opportunity to talk and maybe even steal glances at his handsome face. But now, she didn’t even want to hear his voice.

Instead, she settled onto the broad couch, the same one where Spencer often napped, and attempted to drift into sleep. Exhaustion from the past days quickly pulled her into slumber. She faintly registered the team entering the jet and briefly woke at takeoff, but she promptly turned away and slipped back into sleep, determined to avoid everyone, especially Hotch.

The jet's interior was dimly lit, and most of the team dozed off in their seats. Hotch occupied a couple of seats away from the couch where Y/N was deeply asleep, while Rossi sat directly in front of him. He observed her for a moment, noticing her curling up into a ball – she must be cold. The realization prompted Hotch to stand up promptly. He opened one of the jet's cupboards and retrieved a blanket. Quietly, he approached Y/N and draped the blanket over her, observing as she snuggled into the soft fabric. With the exception of Rossi, everyone else was already asleep, so his actions would likely go unquestioned by the team. Besides, he was merely helping a colleague, right? He lingered by her side for longer than necessary; her relaxed face was undeniably beautiful, and he wanted – no, needed – to savour it for just a little while longer. He was painfully aware that the only expression he'd encounter in her eyes when she woke would be resentment toward him. He would give anything to reach out and caress her cheek at this very moment. Eventually, he returned to his seat, and Rossi's gaze immediately landed on him.

"You're hopeless, Aaron," Rossi chuckled.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Hotch replied, his gaze shifting to the files before him.

"You know, she kind of has the right to be angry at you."

"You can't seriously think that what she did was right."

"No, I do not. It was actually really fucking dumb, but you're sort of being a hypocrite here."

"How so?"

"Well, yes, she made a mistake barging into that house on her own, and she acted impulsively. But so did you. Every one of us has made stupid mistakes at some point, and hers at least helped us locate the unsub. If it were any other agent, you would have let them join the rescue and handed them a pile of paperwork as punishment later. But because you have an emotional attachment to her and feelings for her, you were afraid she'd act recklessly again. You couldn't risk her getting hurt, like, say, jumping in front of a bullet – which we both know she would have. So, you left her behind. Not to mention, you understood why she acted the way she did. This case was deeply personal to her. Needless to say, you both acted like idiots."

Hotch leans back in his seat and lets out a sigh. He knows Rossi's right, though sometimes he hates working with profilers.

"We all want to protect the people we love, Aaron. But remember, she's still an agent, and this is her job," Rossi adds before returning to his files.

Hotch glances over at her and ponders Rossi's words. He realizes he definitely overreacted because it was you who put yourself in danger. He knows she's a great agent and can take care of herself in these dangerous situations, but just the thought of something happening to her makes his stomach drops.

It had been a couple of days since the team had returned to Quantico, and as Hotch expected, Y/N was avoiding him at all costs. She submitted her reports well before the deadlines, left the office earlier than usual – a rarity for her, as she was typically one of the last agents to leave. Hotch even noticed her falling silent whenever he entered the break room or the bullpen, and she seemed to find excuses to distance herself from him. This avoidance was starting to irritate him more and more. He missed the late nights spent doing paperwork together in his office after everyone else had gone home. He longed to hear her laughter and engage in conversations with her. He just missed her. While she appeared to be getting along fine with the rest of the team, her anger toward Hotch still lingered. He knew he needed to talk to her and explain his actions; he hoped that she might understand once he did.

So, as soon as he arrived at the office the following day, he made it a priority. Upon entering his office, he noticed Y/N's completed report on his desk, finished once again before deadline. He was aware that she was completing her work ahead of time to avoid any interaction with Hotch about the report. Without even glancing at the report, he stepped back out of his office.

"Agent Y/L/N, a word, please," he said, his tone possibly more agitated than he had intended. The rest of the team exchanged questioning looks as Y/N ascended the few stairs to his office. She knocked on the door, even though it was already open, and announced herself before entering.

"Close the door," Hotch ordered, his voice firm as he removed his jacket.

He had initially only wanted to apologize and explain his decision on the case, but seeing that finished report again ignited a kind of anger within him. Particularly because he knew how much she despised working on it in the first place. Now, she stood in front of him, alone for the first time in days, yet she didn't even glance at his face.

"You finished your work early again, Agent Y/L/N?"

"Yes, sir." Sir... she never called him 'sir.' He really wanted to hear his name from her. He tried to catch her eyes, but she purposely looked away. There was a brief silence before she finally spoke up, "Is there something wrong with it, sir?"

His emotions were getting the better of him due to her distant tone, possibly amplified by the frustration that had built up over the past few days. So, he responded with unnecessary sharpness.

"Yeah, there's something wrong with it. Do it again," he snapped, tossing the file onto the desk closer to her. For the first time in days, she met his eyes, her brows furrowed in irritation, though her voice remained calm.

"May I ask what was wrong with it, sir?" she inquired, striving to sound neutral.

"You may not, Agent! Get back to your work," he replied, his voice unintentionally louder than he intended.

Y/N stormed out of the room, doing her best to restrain herself from slamming the door behind her. She settled back at her desk, aware of her colleagues' watchful eyes on her, though no one said a word. In his office, Hotch couldn't help but curse under his breath. "Why did I do that?" he wondered. This kind of pettiness was uncharacteristic of him, yet there was something about her that could evoke such strong emotions from him, both positive and negative.

He struggled throughout the remaining day to focus on his work, his mind repeatedly drifting to thoughts of her. Glancing at the clock, he realized that the workday was drawing to a close. He had planned to talk to her today, and he was determined to do it before she left, especially since she tended to head out before the others. Stepping out of his office and peering down into the bullpen, he noticed Spencer packing up while Y/N and Emily waited. Derek and Penelope were already on their way to the elevator, and Rossi had left hours ago due to personal matters.

"Y/L/N, to my office, please," he called out in his strong voice from the top of the stairs before returning back into his office. Spencer and Emily exchanged glances, and while Y/N was clearly displeased, it was inevitable that she had to have a conversation with Hotch.

"You guys go ahead. Don't wait for me. I'll see you tomorrow," she said, placing her bag back on her desk before making her way up to Hotch's office.

"Sit down," Hotch says as she enters his office, gesturing to the free chair in front of his desk.

"For how much longer do you plan to keep this up?" Hotch asks in a plain tone.

"I don't know what you're talking about, sir."

Hotch rubs his face and lets out a sigh before continuing. "Cut it out! This whole 'sir' thing. You haven't spoken to me in days. It's affecting the work environment."

"I don't think it's affecting anything. I've been working efficiently, and my reports are always on time."

"I don't give a damn about your reports, Y/N!" Hotch exclaims, standing up and slamming his hands on the table as he leans toward her.

She stands abruptly. "Then there's no reason for me to be here if this isn't work-related," she nearly yells, matching Hotch's intensity. She starts to turn around, indicating her intention to leave.

"You're not leaving before we talk about what happened and clear this up!", he said and walked around his desk to now stand infront of her.

"There's nothing to clear up!"

"How is there nothing to clear up? You've been avoiding me since we got back from the case. You won't talk to me, you won't look at me—hell, you leave the room when I walk in."

Hotch's frustration was palpable as he stepped closer to her. "You think you can just avoid me and everything will be fine? You think you can act like nothing happened?"

Y/N's voice trembled with anger. "I'm doing my job, just like I always have."

"Your job? This is more than just about your damn job. We're a team, and that means communication and trust."

Y/N shot back, her voice rising. "Trust? Is that what you call it? You completely shut me out during the case. You made me feel like I can't make decisions, like I'm incapable."

Hotch's eyes blazed with frustration. "I made a decision to protect you, to keep you safe!"

"By treating me like a child? By belittling me in front of the team?" Y/N's cheeks were flushed, her anger evident.

"You were reckless, Y/N! You put yourself and Spencer in danger!"

"I had a lead, I had a chance to save that girl!"

"By charging into a potentially dangerous situation without backup? You're lucky nothing worse happened."

Y/N's fists clenched at her sides. "You don't understand. You never understand."

"Oh, I understand more than you realize," Hotch retorted, his voice dripping with frustration.

The room seemed to crackle with tension as their argument escalated. Each word was a jab, a release of the pent-up emotions they had been harboring. The distance between them had grown from physical to emotional, and they were both struggling to bridge the gap.

Suddenly, a knock echoed through the room, and JJ's head appeared in the doorway. "Oh, sorry for disturbing. I just wanted to say goodbye before I leave. Don't let me interrupt," she said, sensing the tension in the room, and then closed the door behind her. Throughout JJ's brief interaction, Y/N and Hotch's eyes remained locked on each other.

JJ's interruption seemed to inject a moment of calm into the charged atmosphere, allowing a slight easing of the tension in the room.

Hotch's voice broke the silence once again, this time with a calmer and more composed tone. "Believe me, I understand why this case held such significance for you. The entire team recognised that. However, that doesn't justify putting yourself in harm's way."

Y/N's voice softened, her frustration mingling with a touch of vulnerability. "I know it was reckless to charge in without waiting, and I've already apologized for that—I'm still sorry. But what you did was unfair. You left me behind. Aren't we supposed to be a team? How could you make that decision, Hotch?" Her eyes misted over, a mixture of hurt and confusion in her gaze.

Hotch's gaze softened as he heard the hurt in her voice. He took a step closer, closing the physical distance between them, and rested his hands on his hips. "Y/N, it's not about whether you apologized or not. It's about the fact that you charged into a dangerous situation without considering the consequences. In this line of work, we can't afford to act on emotions alone. We have to think logically, strategically. Acting solely on emotion can get people killed."

Y/N's eyes welled up with tears as his words sank in. She looked down at her hands, her voice choked with emotion. "I know that, Hotch. I do. But in that moment, all I could think about was finding that girl, saving her. It was like... I couldn't control myself."

Hotch took another step forward, his presence a comforting presence in front of her. He reached out and gently lifted her chin, guiding her gaze to meet his. His touch was tender, his thumb caressing her cheek. "Y/N, I get it. I do. But I was scared. Scared of losing you, of seeing you hurt. I couldn't bear the thought of something happening to you."

She looked up at him, tears streaming down her cheeks. His touch was a lifeline, grounding her in this vulnerable moment. "I... I couldn't save my sister," she whispered, her voice trembling. "I was supposed to be watching her, and I let her down."

Hotch's grip on her chin tightened ever so slightly, his eyes locking onto hers. He leaned in closer, his voice tender. "Y/N, what happened to your sister wasn't your fault. You were just a child yourself. You couldn't have known."

A sob escaped Y/N's lips as she leaned into his touch, her tears falling freely now. Hotch gently wiped away her tears with his thumb, his touch soothing. "It's okay to feel the pain, Y/N. But you can't let it dictate your actions now. You have so much strength, so much potential. I just want to keep you safe."

She let out a shaky breath, her emotions raw and exposed. Hotch's presence and his words were a balm to her wounded heart. "I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice filled with remorse.

Hotch shook his head softly, his eyes never leaving hers. "There's no need to apologize. I should have handled things differently too. We both made mistakes."

They stood there for a moment, their gazes locked, and the air around them seemed to shift. Hotch took a step forward, his hand moving from her chin to her cheek, his touch gentle and caring.

"Y/N, we're a team. And I promise you, I'll always have your back. But I need you to promise me that you'll think before you act, that you'll prioritize your safety."

She nodded, her tears slowing as a small smile tugged at her lips. "I promise."

And in that moment, with their bodies close and their gazes intertwined, they found a connection that went beyond words—a connection forged in vulnerability, understanding, and the unspoken bond of a team that had weathered the storm together.

Y/N closes the distance between them and wraps her arms around Hotch in a tight embrace. Her face is buried in his chest, and he holds her close, his hand caressing her hair with utmost tenderness. In this vulnerable embrace, their walls begin to crumble, and the weight of unspoken emotions hangs heavily in the air.

Hotch's voice is barely above a whisper as he presses his lips to her ear, letting all the truths he had been holding back spill forth. "I was so scared, Y/N... scared to lose you. I can't bear the thought of ever losing you. Please, don't ever put yourself in that kind of danger again."

His words are a mixture of desperation and genuine concern, a heartfelt confession that had been weighing on him for far too long. He holds her tighter, his grip on her waist firm yet gentle. "I don't know what I would do without you. You've become such an important part of my life."

His voice quivers with emotion, each word carrying the weight of his feelings. "I missed talking to you, missed hearing your laugh. Even the complaints about paperwork, I missed those too. You mean so much to me, Y/N, more than you might realize."

Y/N's grip on him tightens, her tears soaking into his shirt as she listens to his heartfelt words. It's a moment of vulnerability, of raw honesty that they had both been avoiding. Hotch's whispers in her ear are like a soothing melody, erasing the tension that had been building between them.

Their embrace lingers, a silent acknowledgment of the unspoken bond that ties them together. Hotch continues to caress her hair, his touch a silent reassurance of his feelings. In this moment, surrounded by their shared emotions and the warmth of their connection, they find solace in each other's arms.

Y/N pulls away slightly, creating enough space to look up at him, her eyes glistening with sincerity. She takes a deep breath before speaking, her voice a mix of vulnerability and determination. "Hotch, Aaron... I became so upset about this situation because it was you who was disappointed in me. You mean the world to me. Your opinion, your feelings, they matter more than I can even express. Not just as my boss, but as a friend and... and maybe, just maybe, even more."

Her cheeks flush with a soft hue of pink as she admits her feelings, her gaze dropping to the floor as if overwhelmed by the weight of her confession. She's both relieved and terrified to have finally voiced her emotions, unsure of how he'll react despite his previous words of comfort.

Hotch's breath catches in his throat as he absorbs her words. His heart races, and a mixture of surprise, hope, and affection blooms in his chest. He reaches out to gently lift her chin, his thumb brushing against her skin as he tilts her face up to meet his gaze. His expression is a mixture of tenderness and warmth, his eyes reflecting the depth of his feelings.

"Y/N..." Hotch's voice is soft, carrying a mix of emotions that mirror her own. He searches her eyes, his thumb tracing over her cheekbone, his touch both soothing and electrifying. "I've been struggling with my own feelings, with the fear of crossing a line. But I want you to know... you're important to me too. More than I can put into words."

A gentle smile tugs at the corners of his lips, his gaze locked onto hers. "I never wanted to push you away or make you feel like your actions don't matter. They do, because you matter. And I'm sorry if I made you think otherwise."

Y/N's heart swells with his words, and the warmth of his touch resonates deep within her. Her eyes well up with tears, but this time they're tears of relief and joy. Her lips tremble into a soft smile as she meets his gaze with renewed hope.

"I'm glad we talked," she whispers, her voice filled with sincerity. "I don't want to avoid you, Aaron. I want us to be honest with each other, no matter what happens."

Hotch's thumb continues to caress her cheek, his touch grounding her in this moment of emotional intimacy. "I feel the same way," he admits, his voice a mere breath against her lips. "And I promise, from now on, we'll face things together."

Their proximity becomes charged with a newfound understanding, their unspoken connection now verbalized. And as they stand there, gazing into each other's eyes, they both know that this conversation is just the beginning of a deeper and more meaningful journey ahead.

As the weight of their emotions lingers in the air, Y/N takes a small step closer, her heart pounding with a mixture of anticipation and vulnerability. Hotch's gaze softens even further, and in that moment, they both feel the pull of an unspoken desire.

Without any more hesitation, Y/N tilts her head slightly, her lips brushing against his in a tentative yet gentle kiss. It's a kiss filled with the tenderness of their shared feelings, a silent promise of everything they've both been longing for.

Hotch's arms instinctively wrap around her, pulling her closer as he deepens the kiss with a mixture of longing and affection. His lips move against hers with a slow and deliberate rhythm, their connection intensifying as their bodies press against each other.

The air between them grows warmer, their shared emotions igniting a spark of passion. Y/N's fingers thread through his hair, holding him close as the kiss becomes more heated, a reflection of the desires they've kept hidden for so long.

Their breath mingles, the world around them fading as they lose themselves in the intoxicating sensation of their lips moving together. The kiss becomes a dance of emotions, each movement a declaration of their feelings.

Finally, they break apart, their lips still lingering just millimeters away. Their breaths come in ragged gasps, their eyes locked in a heated gaze filled with a mixture of surprise and bliss.

A soft, love-drunk smile tugs at Y/N's lips, and she brushes her thumb against his cheek, feeling the warmth of his skin beneath her touch. Hotch's fingers continue to caress her back, his touch a silent affirmation of his feelings.

"Wow," Y/N breathes, her voice barely above a whisper, her heart still racing from the intensity of their kiss.

Hotch chuckles softly, his forehead resting against hers. "Yeah, wow," he replies, his voice filled with a mixture of wonder and contentment.

Their smiles mirror each other's, and in that moment, they both realize that this is just the beginning of their journey together. The walls that once kept their feelings hidden have crumbled, replaced by a newfound connection that's deeper and more meaningful.

As they stand there, breathless and gazing into each other's eyes, they know that they're embarking on a path of honesty, vulnerability, and love. And with their lips still tingling from their kiss, they share a quiet understanding that whatever challenges lie ahead, they'll face them together.

#aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner x reader #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds #hotch x reader #aaron hotch hotchner #aaronhotchnerissuchadilfandIwoulddieforhim

[avoxrising]

The Feral One • Ch 11

Finnick x Y/N

Series Masterlist Link

I had such a hectic day but decided I wanted to stay up late and upload anyways. Prepare yourselves for a plot twist!!!

Content Warnings - Mentions of suicide/torture

How long had you been here? Weeks? Months? None of that mattered to you. You were happy here.

The capital doctors had fixed you. No more meltdowns over people touching you; no more urges to kill. You were finally healed.

You don’t know why they took the route of healing you while they tortured the others, but who were you to complain? They had made you whole again. Maybe they thought that making you realize the stability you had lived without for the past five years would be a form of torture. Maybe they thought it would make you sad. It didn’t. It made you the happiest you had been in a long time.

The only thing that would make you happier would be seeing Finnick. You know he’s not in the capital. Peeta said he saw him on the screen the other day while he was doing an interview, so you know he’s alive. You just hope you’ll be reunited soon.

Hopefully he will come here and they can fix him too. He may not show it, but his games and the years after have left him with a lot of scars. If he comes, you’ll make sure he gets the same treatment you received.

The power here keeps flickering out. Peeta says it’s cause the dam in District 5 was destroyed. Apparently Finnick and Katniss are in District 13 and the capital sent bombs. Peeta warned them and got extra torture because of it.

Johanna is silent outside of her screams. Whatever they’re doing to her sounds horrible. You don’t want to find out.

“Y/N!” Peeta whispers loudly to you. His room is across from yours and you can hear each other under the door.

“What?” you respond.

“I overheard them talking about you,” he states. “The peacekeepers were talking about your treatment.”

“What about it?” you ask.

“I didn’t hear all of it,” he explains, “and it’s hard for me to know what’s real nowadays, but they said something about a timer going off and how they would make you crazy again. We have to get out before they hurt us.”

“What are you talking about?” you ask him annoyed. “They won’t hurt me. Snow promised.”

Just as Peeta goes to respond, the lights cut out again and peacekeepers enter the hall. They usually set up extra guards when the power goes out in case anyone tries to escape. Why would you escape? You like it here.

It must be an hour later when panic sets in. You hear a hiss coming from the hall and what sounds like people falling over. You don’t have time to think, however, before your door is opened and a canister of smoke is thrown into your room. Peeta was right. They are going to hurt you.

“Did you always love her?” Katniss asks Finnick as they wait for the rescue team to return. All communication had been cut off but the two were still holding onto hope that they would return safely.

“No,” he chuckles. “I guess she snuck up on me.”

“How?” Katniss asks.

“After her incident in the capital Snow killed her family,” he explains. “I moved in with her because she wasn’t stable enough to live on her own. We were scared she was going to kill herself and selfishly I couldn’t let the one victor I had brought home at that point die.”

Katniss nods her head in understanding and Finnick continues.

“I don’t know if I’d even call us friends when I first lived with her. She wasn’t thrilled I moved in and found me annoying, yet I was the only one she would talk to. She wouldn’t even speak to Mags,” he states. “Before Annie’s games my nightmares got worse. I would wake up screaming in the middle of the night completely disoriented. Instead of running or turning violent she would stay. Whenever I woke her up she would come to my room and sit near me till I fell asleep again. Something just clicked at that point and I knew I couldn’t live without her. I still can’t.”

“I never even told her I loved her,” he sadly says to Katniss.

“She knows,” Katniss responds. “And I know she loves you too.”

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[waywardxwords]

Chapter 4 - Cherry Pie (Taking Chances)

Summary: After a random encounter introduces you to Dean Winchester, you can't shake the magnetic pull you feel towards him. For years, you've felt like everything in your life is under control--a promising career, financial stability and no real responsibilities. Dean's a hunter; it's his life and job. But somehow when you meet, your worlds are flipped upside down and you have to decide if it's a chance worth taking.

Chapter Warnings: Fluff, slight language

Pairing: Dean Winchester x female!reader

Word Count: ~2.7k

[1] [2] [3]

A quick glance at the clock on the wall made you inwardly groan–how could it only be 11:23 in the morning? Work days were known to drag on, but this was overkill. You figured it might have something to do with the fact that you were just hours away from seeing Dean again. It had taken you far too long to fall asleep the night before; you couldn’t stop thinking about that damn kiss.

The way his lips felt against yours…the way it made you feel inside…

The buzz from your cell phone distracted you and shook you from your thoughts.

Dean Hey, Atlanta.

You didn’t think you’d ever get tired of the nickname. Another buzz caught you off guard.

Dean Or should I say, Hotlanta?

The text made you laugh out loud, which would have been fine had you been alone somewhere. Instead, colleagues that you hardly knew in this new office all turned to look at you.

“Sorry about that,” you said softly as you excused yourself from the cubicle you had borrowed. You wandered to the hallway and stood there as you typed back a response.

Hi, Dean…you’re ridiculous, but that still made me laugh anyway.

You nibbled on a pesky hangnail that had formed on your thumb as you waited for his text back.

Dean I do what I can. You still up for dinner tonight?

You hurriedly typed back before you hit ���send’ and waited for his response.

100% yes! I can leave here at 4, but I’m driving to you this time. Just send me the address and I’ll meet you there. Besides, Salina isn’t really a lively city…

It didn’t take long for your phone to vibrate against the palm of your hand. 

Dean Just wait til you see Lebanon…

Dean had sent you the name to his favorite burger joint just outside of Lebanon. As you drove through the small Kansas towns, you felt the flutter in your stomach all over again. You really couldn’t remember the last time you were this excited to spend time with someone new. It was overwhelming, almost. Before you arrived, you decided to make a pit stop and pick up a cherry pie—Dean had mentioned pie was his favorite dessert. 

Just before 7pm, you pulled into the parking lot for Jiffy Burger. It reminded you of something out of the 50s; a diner, almost. It was cute, and definitely something you could appreciate. In the dating world, not that you spent a lot of time in it due to your focus on your career, there always seemed to be this draw to fancy restaurants where you never knew what fork to use. 

Thankfully, it seemed like Dean wasn’t interested in that kind of thing. Especially since he referred to the side salad you almost ordered in Atlanta as “rabbit food”. 

As soon as you parked, you spotted the Impala. You gathered your purse and the pie you had brought, and headed inside. 

A smile stretched across Dean’s face as soon as he saw you. You didn’t miss the way his eyes traveled from your face down your chest to your legs. Heat pooled in your chest and cheeks as you suddenly felt slightly self conscious under his gaze. With your free hand, you tugged at the hem of your black blazer, but managed a smile back at him as you approached the table. 

“Hey,” you breathed as you finally reached him.

“Hey, yourself,” he smirked. He stood and with one hand, he reached behind you and pulled you closer to him. It felt exactly like you would imagine a puzzle piece would as it melded with the other. “What’s this?” His question pulled you out of your thoughts. 

You glanced down at the white grocery bag in your hand. “Oh!” You set it down on the table and opened it up to reveal the pastry you had purchased at the nearest bakery. “I know you said how much you love pie…” you gently held it up in the foil container. “I wasn’t sure which flavor you liked best, but I felt like I couldn’t go wrong with cherry.” 

He seemed truly surprised. “Damn, woman,” he breathed as his eyes grazed over the dessert. “It’s perfect. Thank you.” His words were so genuine, and he sealed it by leaning down and giving you a gentle kiss that only made you want more. 

“You’re welcome,” beaming, you felt accomplished as Dean pulled back the metal diner chair for you to sit. “This place is so cute!” You glanced around at the neon lights on the wall, red and white checkered designs and servers dressed like they had stepped out of the 50s. 

“They have the best burgers I’ve ever had,” Dean said matter-of-factly. “And trust me, I’ve tried ‘em all.” As he settled back in his chair, his eyes found the plastic grocery bag again. “I seriously can’t believe you brought me pie.”

“It can’t be that hard to believe,” you emphasized as you watched him. “I’m sure I’m not the first girl to bring you a pie…” you trailed off as you watched him contemplate. 

After a pause, “Nah, can’t say that’s happened before.”

It was a surprise to you; surely, you thought, Dean was a ladies’ man. He had all the markings of one, anyway: the leather jacket, woodsy vibe, muscle car… 

“You’re kidding,” you couldn’t hide the surprise in your voice. 

Dean chuckled softly. “No, sweetheart. You are definitely the first.”

His words were gentle, but true—you could tell. A small tug pulled at the corners of your eyebrows. “I’m sorry, I’m just surprised,” you said carefully as the waitress approached your table.

“Hi there, my name’s Alice. What can I get ya, doll?” She smiled at you with a grin that reminded you of how an aunt or grandmother might. 

“I’ll have water, please. I’ll just take a minute to look over the menu,” you smiled back. 

She nodded and turned to Dean. “You still doing alright, love? Need a refill or anything?” While her tone had been pleasant and kind with you, it really softened when she addressed Dean. It made you smirk. It only validated further that he was certainly a ladies’ man. 

“Nah, I’m alright, Alice,” he smiled back. “Thank you, sweetheart.” You could’ve sworn you saw Alice swoon, but Dean didn’t seem to notice. “How was work today?” Dean asked as he turned his attention back to you. 

“Ugh,” you groaned, the smile completely gone from your face. “Same shit, different day, I guess.” You mumbled. Dean seemed interested so you continued. “I just landed a new project. It’s a new client, so there are a lot of growing pains.” You explained. “But it could always be worse, right?”

“I don’t know,” Dean said as he took a drink of his soda. “The more you talk about your job, the more miserable it sounds.” 

“Doing what I love doesn’t pay the bills, Dean,” you sighed but found a small smile again. “We can’t all be traveling exterminators.” You winked. 

Dean chuckled with a look down at his hands folded on the table in front of him, but then back to you. “Well, what is it that you love?” The way his eyes stared back into yours made your breath get caught in your throat. It was as if he wanted to see you—who you were, not just at face value, but deeper than that. 

You took a moment to gather yourself before you continued. “I love writing. I always have. I tried applying it to a career, actually,” your mind wandered for a moment as you remembered the girl you used to be all those years ago. Your gaze found Dean’s once more. He noted the slight sadness that had appeared there. “It just didn’t work out.”

Alice had returned with your water now, and you heard her voice ask if you were ready to order. 

“Go ahead,” you smiled at Dean. “I won’t take long.” You quickly spanned the menu as Dean ordered some burger meal in the background. 

After he was done, Alice turned to you. You ordered a bacon burger and tater tots. Alice smiled at you both. 

“I’ll get that out in no time,” she said. “You two need anything else?” You both shook your heads ‘no’. 

“I think that’ll do it, thanks, Alice,” a smile pulled at Dean’s lips once more. 

You noticed the way Alice’s red manicured fingers touched Dean’s shoulder. “You just let me know if you need anything else. Anything at all…” she trailed off with a wink. 

You pressed your lips together to contain the laugh that threatened to bubble up at how blatantly she was flirting with Dean. He didn’t seem to notice, or at least, didn’t bring any attention to it.

Once she had walked away, you noticed Dean’s gaze had returned to you. You cleared your throat and took a sip of water before you spoke again.

“So, what about you? I’m genuinely curious about this traveling exterminator business you’ve got going on,” the words felt a little silly as they came from your lips, but you were being honest. Ever since Dean had mentioned it, you were curious. Dean chuckled softly as he broke eye contact. He ran his palms down the thighs of his jeans before he looked back up. You weren’t sure, but you would have thought he looked nervous, which seemed odd to you. “Seriously, how do you love being an exterminator? And why is it the ‘family business’?” You used your fingers to air-quote the way he had referenced it before.

Dean shrugged slightly as it was his turn to take a gulp of his water. “Well,” he started slowly. “My, uh, my mom died when I was really young. I was four and my brother, Sammy, was six months old.” He explained. That was something you hadn’t been expecting and your eyes widened. You had somewhat assumed Dean’s parents may be deceased or out of the picture from the way he spoke of it just being him and his brother when you were in Atlanta. 

“I’m so sorry,” was all you knew to say. Dean’s forearms rested on the table now as he spoke. On instinct, you reached across and placed your hand just over his. “That’s awful. How did she…?” You trailed off, unsure if that was a question you should even ask or if he would be comfortable talking about it. 

“There was a house fire,” he explained softly. His eyes looked down at his lap. “But, uh, after that my dad kinda had a hard time.” Understandable, you thought to yourself but kept quiet to let him continue. “We ended up on the road a lot. My dad met up with my, uh, my Uncle Bobby,” he seemed to hesitate, but you still kept silent to allow him to work through what he needed or wanted to say. “They started up this traveling exterminator business. They’d pick up jobs to help people out. My dad just didn’t want to stay in one place too long, so we moved around a lot.”

It still seemed wild and wasn’t anything you were familiar with, but now understanding the loss of his mom made it easier to absorb. 

“I can’t imagine,” you shook your head as you looked down to where your hand still covered his. You pulled it back gently. “I’m so sorry for all you’ve been through, Dean.” 

“Ah, it’s alright,” Dean cleared his throat and it felt like he had almost pulled himself out of his feelings as he sat back in his chair. A smaller smile crossed his face. “We’ve all got stuff. We just gotta go through it, I guess.”

While you appreciated his ability to pull through it, you knew there were probably some underlying feelings there. Your mind wandered back for a moment and pulled out something he had said in the hotel in Atlanta to you: he’s terrified of being afraid.

It started to make sense. He was afraid of being afraid: at four, he lost his mother in a horrible tragedy. And by the sounds of it, he may have lost his father because he didn’t know how to be a parent in the face of tragedy. When he told you it was just him and his brother, he had meant it. Who wouldn’t be afraid of being afraid after living through something like that? 

“Here you are,” Alice reappeared with a sing-songy tune as she placed your burgers down in front of you. 

“Looks great,” Dean smiled down at his plate. You felt a twinge of sadness for him and all that he had been through, but you pushed it aside just as he did. 

“It really does, thank you,” you smiled back at Alice. But her eyes weren’t on you, they were all over Dean. 

“My pleasure, hun,” she practically swooned. “And I mean it, you let me know if you need anything else.” How many times has she said that now? You matched Dean’s smile. 

“Thanks,” Dean said as she nodded and turned to walk away with a long glance over her shoulder. 

It took everything in you to contain the laugh that threatened to emerge, the thoughts of your previous conversation fading. Alice walked back to the kitchen and Dean looked at you with a clear “what?” look plastered on his face. 

“Oh, nothing,” you smirked before you took a sip of your water. “It’s just that I bet you could get whatever you wanted with a charm like that.”

“Alright, alright,” Dean rolled his eyes, but still smiled, as he shrugged it off. 

“I’m serious. All it takes is a little bat of those lashes and she’s putty in your hands,” you teased. 

Dean leaned forward with his forearms flat on the table, his hands clasped in front of him. His face was close again—it reminded you of the Longhorn in Atlanta when he was so close, you felt like you could count the freckles that dotted his face. “And what about you, sweetheart? You turn to putty, too?” The playful grin that tugged across his lips made your stomach flutter. 

You leaned back a bit and took another drink from your water—it was for two reasons, really. It gave you a minute to gather your words, but it also cooled you off from the flame that burned so obviously in front of you. 

“Oh, no,” you quipped, as you attempted to seem unphased. The flirtatious notes from your tone came through, and Dean picked them up–the way his lips crept up in a small smile gave him away. “I’m immune.” A shrug raised your shoulders but you couldn’t help the pull of your lips as you caught the way Dean’s eyes glinted back at you. 

“We might just have to test that theory,” his comment made you slightly inhale the bite of your burger you had just consumed. Thankfully, your sputtering only lasted a second, but the gig was up and your cover had been blown. The heat that rose in your cheeks gave away that your stoic demeanor was just a ruse, and Dean was completely aware. 

There was something about the way his lips still curved upward, but his eyes bore into you–they were dark, but in a way that felt almost like you were caught in an electrical storm; the little hairs at the back of your neck stood to attention and goosebumps bubbled over your skin.

“Are you trying to seduce me, Dean?” Your voice was low now, your eyes trained on his. As flustered as he had gotten you just a moment before, you forced yourself to stay strong as you stared straight back at him without even a blink. 

Without missing a beat, the muscle in his jaw clenched as he bit down with his teeth. The familiar upward curve up his lip made the dimple in his cheek pop as his eyes moved between your eyes and your lips. “Is it working?”

And just like that, you felt like putty in the man’s damn hands.

A/N: Well, hellllllo, Tumblr world! I know, it has been far too long. Things in my life are still hectic, BUT I'm back! I have missed all my reader friends, writer friends and writing in general.

I can't promise double updates each week (but I will when I can). Otherwise, new chapters will be posted on Thursdays moving forward.

I hope you all are well, and I hope you enjoy chapter 4!

PREVIEW OF THE NEXT CHAPTER:

You had never consumed (nor had you seen someone consume) a burger so quickly before in your life. It was a good burger, but that wasn’t what you could focus on.

When Alice came back to the table to check out–ahem, on–you (but mostly Dean), his gaze didn’t even move from yours. 

“We’ll take the check now, Alice,” he said carefully as he watched you. The way his eyes studied you made you feel naked. It was like nothing else existed in the world but you. Heat climbed your chest in blotchy patches until they formed puzzle pieces on your neck, your cheeks. The way your heart pounded against your sternum felt so loud, you could hear each beat in your ears. This man was doing something to you, and that was something you hadn’t experienced in too long.

“Here you go, sugar,” Alice gingerly placed the bill in the middle of the table. She watched Dean intently, certainly hoping for maybe one more look into those beautiful green eyes. He glanced quickly with a smile as he fumbled in his pocket for his wallet. He tossed enough cash to cover the meal and the tip on the table, then back to you.

“Thanks, Alice,” he said, without missing another beat. He stood and held his hand out for you to take. “You wanna get outta here?”

Words seemed to fail you for a second, so you just nodded very quickly. Before he could pull you towards the door, he grabbed the grocery bag with the cherry pie you had brought.

“Oh, you forgot to eat your pie,” you murmured as you followed him through the diner.

“I was thinking we might have a different dessert tonight,” he paused at the door as his eyes looked over you once more. You realized he was asking if that’s what you wanted, too. Yet again, all you could do was nod.

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[it-was-too-cold-always]

Always Read the Fine Print Chapter 10

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9

Who actually reads all the terms and conditions? After mindlessly checking a box years ago, our Reader unintentionally agrees to be part of a scientific study to create super soldier babies. To make matters worse, her fellow test subject is the brooding and intimidating Bucky Barnes.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: The morning after the wedding, Bucky and the reader prepare for the next steps of the study.

Warnings: arranged marriage, forced proximity, lots of angst, violence, PTSD/nightmares, panic attacks, language, SMUT 18+ only, oral fem receiving, unprotected sex, size kink, let me know if I'm missing anything

You were half awake when morning came. You peeked your eyes open to see the bright sunlight flooding into the room. Too bright. You closed your eyes and groaned; you were too tired to be awake yet. Your body felt heavy and…sore? The memories of last night suddenly came flooding into your mind – you and Bucky finally had sex. And it was magical.

You looked over and saw Bucky, wide awake, watching you. His head was propped up with his metal arm, and his other hand was resting comfortably on your bare waist. You were both still completely naked, tangled in the soft sheets of your bed.

“Good morning, doll,” he whispered.

“Good morning,” you whispered back. “How long have you been staring at me?” He chuckled and rolled his eyes.

“Sweetheart, when the view is this good, it’s hard to look away,” he replied, brushing a strand of hair out of your face. Now it was your turn to roll your eyes. “But I’m afraid I won’t be able to stare much longer,” he said, the joking tone diminishing from his voice, “we have an appointment with SHIELD at 11:00.”

You frowned. This was a short-lived honeymoon, that’s for sure. You’ve been pushing down any thoughts or emotions related to the study, and now it was time to face everything head-on. The reality was setting in. Your stomach flipped and you felt like throwing up. Sensing your sudden discomfort, Bucky pulled you into his chest and rubbed your back.

“Let’s just do what needs to be done, one step at a time,” he whispered into your hair. “It’ll be okay.”

All you could do was nod. You were scared. You didn’t know what they would do if you didn’t get pregnant fast enough – or if you couldn’t get pregnant at all. And no one knows what’ll happen carrying a super soldier baby to term. Would your body even be strong enough? Your mind went to Twilight when Renesmee literally ripped herself out of Bella’s body. Screw that so hard.

“Let’s get cleaned up, then we can go downstairs and get you a cup of coffee,” Bucky suggested. The moment you got out from under the covers, you were very aware of your nakedness. Now, in broad daylight, you were feeling insecure about your body. But then Bucky got out of bed, and you were too distracted to be embarrassed. He was so chiseled; it was like he was sculpted by the gods. The strong muscles in his back and shoulders rippled as he got up and stretched. When he stood up, you blushed – you had a full view of his bare ass. You blushed even harder when he turned to face you. From last night, you could feel how big he was. But looking at him now, you wondered how the hell his cock even fit inside you. It was massive.

Bucky was amused by your blushing. You two spent all night making love, and now you’re suddenly bashful at the sight of him naked. He flashed you a smile, putting his hand on the small of your back as he led you to the bathroom. Turning on the faucet, he grabbed towels as you waited for the water to heat up. Holding back the curtain, he gestured towards the shower. “After you,” he said.

You smiled and hopped into the shower, letting the warm water relax your sore muscles. You’ve never had sex so intense and passionate before; you didn’t realize what a workout it was. You weren’t expecting Bucky to join you, so the feeling of his hands massaging your muscles startled you.

“Relax, doll. Let me take care of you,” he whispered into your ear. Slowly, you released the tension in your shoulders and let him take the lead. Between the heat from the water and his strong hands digging deep into your muscles, you couldn’t stop yourself from moaning. It all felt so immaculate. You felt so pampered.

Bucky groaned in response. He couldn’t help himself – the sweet sound of your moan brought him back to last night, and he was quickly aroused. You could feel it pressing into your lower back. He turned you around, took a moment to study your face, and leaned in for a gentle kiss. It deepened but remained slow and passionate. There was no rush, he was taking his sweet time. He moved from your lips to your neck, down to your breasts, taking one of your nipples and sucking. You moaned louder, tangling your fingers in his hair as he sucked and kissed your skin all the way down. His touch was electrifying, sending shivers down your spine. You had goosebumps even in the steamy shower.

Before you could fully process what was happening, Bucky was on his knees, pinning you against the shower wall, hooking one of your legs over his shoulder. He was slow and careful, wanting to remember every second of this moment. He looked up at you and murmured “my pretty wife,” right before he dove deep into your folds. You screamed in surprise - you weren’t expecting to be this reactive. Your clit was still sensitive from last night, making every touch more intense. He worked you over thoroughly, sucking your clit and pumping his fingers slowly inside you. It didn’t take much for you to come the first couple times (you lost track). Between his tongue and long fingers, you came undone quickly. Your legs were jelly. Bucky was the only thing keeping you upright against the wall.

You were in a wonderful euphoric haze when Bucky stood back up. He hooked your leg around his waist and held you tightly. Pulling you into another slow, passionate kiss, he slid inside of you. The intrusion made you gasp. You looked into each other’s eyes as he bottomed out. You’ve never felt more connected to another person in your entire life. Suddenly, you weren’t close enough to him. Pulling him into a more frenzied kiss, you grinded your hips, eliciting a growl from his throat. You needed more.

He dragged himself in and out of you, his eyes staring directly into your soul. You furrowed your brows – it still wasn’t enough. You needed to feel more of him. Sensing your desperation, Bucky picked up his pace until he was pounding into you. You were screaming, orgasm after orgasm ripping through your entire body. You were pretty sure he came at least twice, pulsing deep inside you but continuing his thrusts nonetheless. His cock was sinful. You were surprised he could last this long. Finally, when your pussy was too sore and his grip on your hips became too much, you tapped out. Resting your head on his shoulder, you tried to catch your breath. Your entire body was buzzing. Bucky was still holding you up, which you were grateful for. You’re pretty sure that if you tried to stand, you’d fall right over. Bucky softly kissed your temple, rubbing your back and murmuring praises into your ear - “so beautiful” and “all mine” were the only words you could make out in your incoherent state.  

Bucky was true to his word – he had every intention of cleaning you up, even after he made a mess of you yet again. He massaged your scalp as he worked shampoo into your hair, ran his hands slowly over your body as he soaped you up, and dried you off with a soft, fluffy towel. Carrying you back into the bedroom, he set you down on the bed while he started getting dressed. You were too damn tired to get up and get dressed, and he could tell.

“I’ll be right back with your coffee,” he said with a grin, placing a chaste kiss on your forehead. Checking the time on your phone, you realized you should at least try to get dressed. The meeting with SHIELD was less than an hour away.

Chapter 11

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⍣ ೋ Doughnut

˚ · . sakusa x afab!reader

: ̗̀➛ mutual pining to confession, a lil angst with happy ending, mentions of neglectful parents, first kisses, hand holding, non descriptive casual making out, prt 1.

the longer the wait, the sweeter the kiss.

sakusa sighed with anticipation as his eyes focused on the familiar park ahead of him. did he get the time right? he asked himself nervously, stopping ahead of the staircase he's stepped down many times. 11:11. he refers back to the time you wanted to meet up at the park, around 11.

whilst it is extremely late, it's not uncommon for this time of year. it's new year's eve, many are awake, either at home cozy with their heaters and TV, waiting for the new year's countdown, or they are out and about at lively food stalls and centers with the best sighting for fireworks.

what sakusa is doing is the opposite idea of a new year's eve activity. while he certainly wasn't opposed to the idea of staying inside with his blanket and heater, and he definitely did oppose the many swarming crowds. instead, he was meeting up with you at a near abandoned park.

as he finally stepped down the walking steps, his eyebrow furrowed at the sight of a few dozen people standing around for fireworks. seems like this place isn't as forgotten after all. he kept his black gloved hands in his pockets, nose occasionally snuffling due to the cold.

what once felt like a short five minute walk turned into what felt like was an eternity of walking. maybe it's because it's almost pitch black dark, nothing illuminating except the full moon that the pathway to the usual meeting spot looks longer. who knows.

but what he does know was that when he saw you, standing there in your pink yukata in the snow, was he will either be leaving with his heart either broken or fulfilled.

he stops a little five feet away from you, which felt a little unusual considering all the work the two of you had put in just to make him feel comfortable sitting on the bench with you. you're not sitting on the bench either, which just made him feel even more uneasy about the whole thing.

with your somber expression, you looked up at him, "happy new years kiyoomi." he silently nodded at that. his cheeks flushed at his awkwardness, it's like day one all over again. "h-happy new years to you too, y/n." he muttered out, eyes slightly furrowed at the notice of you using his full name.

it was still between the two of you again until your eyes perked up at the sudden snowfall. "it's snowing! how pretty.." you cooed, eyes glinting as you smiled softly, a small hand of yours reaching out for a snowflake. there's thousands of things that sakusa considers pretty right now but he can't find the urge to say how pretty one is in front of him.

his eyes travel down to study your yukata, which has the base color of a baby pink with floral prints. once again, you never fail to amaze him with your seemingly perfect photogenic aura, you look as if you belong in one of those raunchy love animes that he could never sit through without facepalming at the cheesy love cliche.

your attention shifts over back to sakusa, hand reaching out for what he can only guess is his. "walk with me, kiyoomi." silently, he allows you to take his hand within your own, guiding him wherever you want to go. he doesn't know where, but he wants to trust you do. his forehead stresses at the thought of you potentially leading him to who knows where, you never had a good sense of direction.

albeit, he swallows the lump in his throat down, he thinks theres a 60/40 chance of you getting the two of you stranded somewhere, not a single cell in your brain actually working. luckily, you just seem to be guiding him little ways away from the park, towards the nearby abandoned play-ground.

"a play-ground? what are you planning y/n?" he bluntly says, following you towards the sand and snow filled play-ground, watching you with a confused face "i think this is a better spot. i used to come here after you would leave during the earlier days." you say, careful to set your wooden geta shoes on the cement framings of the play-ground.

he followed you around mindlessly around the actual play-grounds equipment, careful to duck under the jungle gym and slide. then suddenly you were speeding up. okay, he sped up too. despite your much smaller frame, you did walk considerably faster than him. without knowing, he walked into your trap; a game of tag.

without realizing, he was almost chasing you around the play-ground equipment. almost eating shit twice, his legs slid amongst the sand/snow combined ground as he chased you. climbing up the jungle gym, lungs used to this heavy exercise, he chased you until you reached the slide and slid down, giggling and snickering at his dumbfounded face.

as he hurriedly stepped down the jungle gym's steps, it was like a lightning strike had hit him. "tag?!" he yelled out, "y/n?! you're not serious." he said, eyes crinkled with annoyance. this is the angriest he's been at you in a while, it's a bit of a surprise. you only chuckle in amusement at his annoyed pout, not fazed at all by the much larger man.

you deemed enough wad enough, walking towards the old swings on the side of the play-ground. not minding the way your yukata climbed up your bare legs, you pointed to the swing next to yours as you hopped into one. "sit." you said, bare legs swinging back in forth with excitement.

he couldn't only sigh with defeat as he begrudgingly set himself onto the swing next to yours, cringing at the way the rusted metal struggled under his athlete height. it was once again silent between the two of you, his ears growing deaf at the sound of metal scraping against metal. was i brought back to the times of hell again?

"i used to come here all the time. y'know, when you would leave much earlier than you do now back in the 'early days.'" you said so matter-of-factly. sakusa whipped out his phone to check the time. 11:46PM. "hey it's rude to be on your phone when somebody is talkin' to you!" you yapped, legs kicking back in forth with feigned anger.

he lightly scoffed at your comment before putting his phone away per your request. his legs mindlessly swung softly, finding a weird comfort in the way the swing softly moved back in forth. "..why didn't you just go home?" he asked, the question being one that he's been wondering since the moment he met you.

his practice ends much later than your club gathering does, almost an hour later, so it really made no sense as to why you stayed for so long, it really didn't seem as coincidental. he quickly connected the dots that the answer was maybe a little more than what he expected when you were taking a little longer to respond.

"well.. it's lonely at my house, mama and papa work a lot, so it's really just me. i would come to the park 'n just hang around because just seeing people made me happy." you confessed, swing slowing down to a stop. "and then i met you.. and it made me wanna come around to to the park more, even if i had to wait awhile for you 'cuz it meant i wouldn't have to go home to a empty house."

sakusa looked up at the starry night, feeling a little guilty at your reasoning. while he did know of your parents absence to a certain extent, he didn't know you were totally alone enough that you would just sit outside on a bench waiting for someone to talk to.

you seem to cringe at your own words, hands coming up to touch the warmness of your own cheeks. "it's a little stupid, i just felt lonely really.." sakusa finds himself sympathizing with you, "no, it's not. i understand. err..," he stammers. "i'm actually closer to motoya more than my own siblings."

you seem to relax at that, feet finally finding the energy to swing again. "...and when i met you.. i just felt less lonely."

its silent between the two of you while sakusa took in the words you said. felt less lonely, huh?

he looked back at you, eyes watching your face closely for any sort of reaction or explanation. you still looked as serious as ever though, making sakusa feel like there was a little more to your reasoning. but there is.

his eyes travel down to the bare parts of your skin, yukata sliding lazily exposing your shoulders, riding up to your knees. before he realizes, he's already climbing off his swing while sliding his coat off his shoulders and setting his thick coat onto your own shoulders.

you finally smile at the sweet gesture, hand coming up to touch at the thick material while looking up at him with crinkled eyes.

you looked cold, his eyes silently say.

before he can pull away his hands from your shoulders, you're already holding onto one of them. you sit stilly in your swing, fumbling around with his heavy hand, exploring the deep crevices and scars from what is years of volleyball.

his dedication and commitment is something you adore, you always love enjoying hearing his little volleyball stories and matches. "you're so cool kiyoomi." you coo, thumbs pressing on the side of his palm. you look back up at him, it makes his heart begin beating faster at the sight of your dilated pupils, so full of an emotion that he's come to fear, yet also come to feel.

you then jump down from your swing, standing closely to his chest. you're hugging him, for the first time ever. it's a one-sided hug at first, your hands barely wrapping around his chest and setting on his back, feeling the broad bones. he stands there dumbfounded, not knowing what to do, arms remaining at his side.

you breathe in his clean mint scent, eyes fluttering shut at his warmth, "you're so warm 'omi.."

during that everlasting hug, sakusa thought of what he was feeling. he thought his heart was going to jump out of his chest, almost frightened at the way this situation is going.

but he then asks himself, is it really that bad? if it's bad, then why does it feel so right?

it's much to his own astonishment when he finds the balls to embrace your hug, though still stiff, his arms rest around your neck, as he couldn't wrap them around your waist because you're too short.

but you've seen to have predicted him afterall, as you show no signs of surprise at all, only somehow pushing yourself closer to him. it has him stumbling backwards a few inches, face blushing intensely at the awkward contact.

you're then pulling away from him to look up at him, lips pursed into a fine line and taking his hand inbetween yours once more, as if to plead with him.

"kiyoomi, i know it's really early to say, and i know that this is really confusing and hard for you. i know you're not privy to romance, and i already know you've never even experienced it before," his face insultingly frowns at the last detail, "but please just give it a chance, give me a chance."

you press his hands against your chest, heartbeat strong against them. "kiyoomi, i really i like you, maybe a little bit more than like, so please, just give me a chance to show you how great it is."

his wide eyes look down at yours, lips slightly agape as he takes in your confession. he can't help but praise you for your bravery, it must've taken a lot for you to do this, and yet you did it anyway, something he definitely couldn't see himself doing.

he sighs deeply, looking away so as to avoid contact with your pleading eyes. your figure seems to slouch at that, head dropping towards the ground with defeat.

"o-okay fine, i l-like you too or whatever."

your head shoots up at his declaration, he's almost surprised at how happy you look, swearing he's never seen you so gleaming. you squeal out at that, reaching your arms up to wrap around his neck and attempt to hoist yourself up against him out of pure happiness.

you laugh and squeal, he wants to say it hurts his ears, but he can't hold back the way his eyes are fluttering shut out of embarrassment when he chuckles lightly at your celebration.

he doesn't know if what he felt was fireworks, or if it was the vibration from the actual fireworks exploding when the clock hit 12:00, but something within him set off when you suddenly pressed your lips against his own.

you clumsily push against his much taller frame, the only support you have is the arms wrapped around the base of his neck and the tippy toes you weakly stand on.

before he can even react, you're already pulling away, hiding your face within his chest while he looks up at the bright fireworks up ahead, head dizzy from all the feelings he's experiencing in just a couple of minutes.

this isn't so bad after all.

ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ-

the seasons quickly came and went, and so did the end of the school year. it was now spring, so bright and colorful.

his last year of highschool was an eventful one, he came to appreciate and meet so many new things and people.

he was happy that the school year was ending on a good note, with good people, and with a good future ahead.

he pulls away from you, a string of saliva still connecting the two of you.

it's almost comedic to him, how just earlier in the year he was spitefully condemning those who he thought were silly for falling in love. it's almost ironic.

he lays underneath the heaviness of his duvet cover, hidden away from the bright sunbeams that shine through his window. his fingers play with your soft hair, body laying on top of yours, low black eyes looking down at you with quiet adoration. "i love you 'omi," you purr, impatiently pulling him back in to continue your intimate kissing session.

"i love you too," he softly mumbles against your lips, long eyelashes fluttering shut at the feel of your warm soft lips against his own.

haha what a ending i was struggling with this 😭 please like and repost

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[cheegu3]

Enhypen - the glory (part 11, finale)

summary; after rejecting one of the most popular boys at your new school, you soon realised that you'd done the gravest mistake of your life; these weren't ordinary boys, and now they were set on making your life a living hell - heavily based on the kdrama with the same name

warnings; yandere themes, kidnapping, domestic violence, sexual assault accusation,

genre; yandere

wc; 10k

pairing; enha x f.m reader

note; longer note at the very end, thank you so much for reading and going on this journey with me for my full-length series, love u !!🤍🤍

masterlist

You remained frozen in your spot until the car's sound slowly disappeared. What broke you out of your trance was the raspy, struggling breaths that came from the floor a few meters away.

It took a long time to unglue your shoes from the hardwood floor; it felt like you were stuck to it and would stay like that forever, unable to move out of fear. When you eventually succeeded, you turned bit by bit to face Jake.

His sluggish eyes had never left you. They were begging silently for you to make a choice - save him or leave him?

It seemed like he had already guessed what you would choose. More fresh tears slowly slid down his paling skin and his eyes finally looked away when he started sniffling again. 

You watched him, feeling very conflicted on the inside. You wondered if he felt bad for everything he had done, if he would change if you saved him, or if he would continue the same way as before.

There was also some fear on your part. Why were you hesitating about a life? It was your bully, but it was still another person like you. Playing God wasn’t something that was right, was it?

So why did you want him to die? All you saw when looking at the writhing, pathetic struggling human on the floor was Jake; you couldn’t see another person who deserved to be saved, who was empathetic and kind and sweet.

And that scared you. What would Soobin think of you if you told him that? He had already expressed how he thought you were changing. This wasn’t like you. The old you would’ve rushed to call an ambulance, heart drumming in your chest with adrenaline and panic at the thought of someone dying in front of you and knowing you could’ve changed the outcome.

But the new you? Didn’t feel much when looking at him except for very small pity. He hadn’t even betrayed his friends yet he would get killed by them - the ones he probably cherished and trusted most. The worst part was how Jungwon hadn’t even hesitated. Nothing was behind those eyes when he delivered a killing blow to his best friend of years.

Just like the tears running down Jake’s face, you were aware of time running out. Then, you made a choice.

You walked out just in time to see the ambulance near in the distance - technically you hadn’t saved him, but you gave him and God the choice of whether to survive the trip to the hospital…or not.

You refused to change into a heartless person. That wasn’t who you were no matter how much they’d hurt you.

*******

You had three days to think of something. Three days was a very long time in a case like this, but also not enough time.

Standing out in the cold you watched the ambulance leave and took out your phone. No taxis would come out to that place especially not at that hour. So you did the only thing you could think of - call your dad.

‘’ Y/n! Oh, I was so worried about you. ‘’

You scoffed, ‘’ Yeah, right. I need you to do me a favor, it’s the least you can do after going behind my back. ‘’

‘’ Okay…what do you want me to do? ‘’

‘’ Come get me. I’m at Soobin’s cabin which is about an hour or two from the city. I’ll text you the address. ‘’

You hung up before hearing his answer. Being curt and stern would probably make him more likely to do it since he could feel you keeping a distance and being cold. Maybe he thought you’d soften if he followed through, but he couldn’t be more wrong.

Waiting for your dad took too long, so you hesitantly turned back towards the cabin again. You wanted to go back, bask in the warmth, and maybe even rest since you had rejected sleep many times during the long day. However, the closer you got to the cabin, the more your brain started showing the scenes that would await you if you entered; the blood and the memories accompanying it.

Before you had even made up your mind, your feet seemed to have dragged you to the door on their own. Taking a deep breath first, you then pressed down the handle and pushed it open.

You didn’t step in yet and your eyes had been squeezed shut. It was between the cold winter outside and the potential murder scene inside.

You opened your eyes. Instinctively they went to the pool on the floor, but you forced yourself to look away. The door was now locked and you went to the second floor, too uncomfortable to sleep on the first since that’s where the events unfolded. 

Then you waited; tossed and turned while waiting both for your dad and for your body to fall asleep. It was hard. The house was eerily quiet, to the point you could hear every single creak the wood made when the wind grazed the cabin. 

Eventually, the exhaustion won over the paranoia. Your head fell back against the soft mattress and you slept soundly, looking more peaceful than when awake, and you continued to do so until your dad found you.

Just like when you were a kid, you were carried to the car. You woke up due to the sound of the rain pattering against the roof, but quickly fell asleep again with a smile on your face as you thought of how happy it would’ve made Soobin if he knew you finally got some rest.

*******

You woke up the next day feeling restless and antsy. You felt like you had no one to turn to and get support from or conjure up a plan with. Right then it looked like you’d spend the three days becoming more and more mentally tortured as the time was running out.

Then you’d probably show up at the doorstep, no plan or defense; you’d surrender and hope for the best - that they’d let you and most importantly Soobin go, unharmed. 

Slowly you rolled out of bed. Like always when getting dressed, you avoided looking in the mirror and if you did, you never let your eyes drift to the ugly scars. If you did, it was almost like it triggered the pain all over again. Your arms would start to itch terribly, and you could feel the burning spreading like wildfire all throughout your body again.

The door opened and since you had put on your clothes already, you dared to look at the door through the mirror. You saw your dad peeking in, an ingenuine smile on his face. Then you caught a glimpse of yourself too, you looked so tired and like you’d been drained of life and happiness. You supposed it was true, you couldn’t wait for it all to be over, for you to finally get peace again.

‘’ Going to school today? ‘’

You were about to glare at him, but then your frowned forehead softened. You had nothing better to do anyway, so why not go? Would they actually go to school when they were busy holding a hostage at one of their houses? You doubted it. They had never cared much about education anyway.

You grunted at him and when he left you packed your backpack full of the books you had neglected. When you’d get to school, you feared that the teachers would question you about why your grades had been falling and why you didn’t do your homework.

Aware of the fact that exams were coming up soon you had considered studying with Soobin. The circumstances just never seemed right. New things, new burdens always seemed to pop up, leaving little room for ordinary things.

You left, walking past your dad wordlessly, and then ran to the bus, almost missing it by a few seconds. The universe must’ve really wanted you to go to school today. The bus was pretty much empty. You took a seat near the back of it and rested against the window.

The whole ride, you had your eyes closed, in between sleeping and being awake all the way until arriving at school. Pushing past the other students you managed to be one of the first ones out. You hurried to walk to the school, up the stairs, and finally to the classroom. The less people, the less anxiety.

Only when you sat down in your seat could you relax. Soon enough the room filled as more students streamed in and took their own seats. The spot where they sat were empty. You looked out to the corridor and didn’t see them there either, but who you did see however was Jiyun. 

She didn’t return your wave or smile. She just continued walking, her head down so she couldn’t see you.

You grimaced and felt very offended. Sure, you hadn’t expected to make a friend, but you had at least thought she’d be polite. What was even weirder was that as you kept following her with your eyes through the glass facing the hallway, she turned quite abruptly and walked right into your classroom.

You cowered back, cautious of her unpredictable and almost erratic behavior. Walking right up to you, she looked determined. She leaned in and whispered in your ear.

‘’ Come with me to the library. ‘’

Jiyun saw how your eyebrows raised, forehead frowning when you weren’t immediately convinced, ‘’ Why? ‘’

‘’ Just, please. Do me a favor! ‘’

You stood up and followed her reluctantly out of the classroom and into the library that was on the same floor. It was empty because all the students were waiting for the first class to start. Jiyun found your hand at some point and dragged you through the maze of the bookshelves.

Stopping at the corner at the very far end from the entrance, she finally turned to you. Something flashed across her face; guilt, sadness or was it pity?

Your gaze started flickering, ‘’ Jiyun, what are we doing here? ‘’

‘’ I’m sorry. ‘’ 

You watched in confusion as she started unbuttoning the first buttons of her shirt, she threw the fabric off of half of her shoulder with so much force it almost ripped. Then she pulled out her ponytail but not all the way, followed by smearing some of her makeup.

‘’ Jiyun? ‘’ your voice grew more concerned, more exasperated.

No response. She picked up a book and you gasped as she hit it hard against her face. You tried to pull it out of her hands and were instead met with a slap to your face.

‘’ I have to do this. ‘’

‘’ What…’’

You ignored her and tried to reach for the book again that she had managed to hit herself with more times since you were distracted by the stinging feeling on your cheek. Fear could be felt in the pit of your stomach as things were slowly starting to get pieced together.

Red marks had formed on her face now, sure to be big bruises in a day or two. When she noticed you moving towards her in the corner of her eye, she gave you an apologetic look before kicking you hard in your stomach. You fell over and groaned, clutching your stomach and gasping for air. 

‘’ Stand up. ‘’

You managed to get to a standing position with the help of the closest bookshelves that you could claw yourself up with. She looked completely disheveled when you turned to her. You were about to ask again - why are we here, why are you doing this? 

Before you could, she had already turned again, heading right for the hallway. You started to follow her but were left frozen in your spot. A loud shriek ripped from Jiyun’s throat. She fell to her knees in the middle of the hall and sobbed loudly.

People ran out of the classrooms wondering what all the noise was about and quickly the space had been filled to max capacity. One girl crouched down next to her while a teacher cleared a way to get through.

‘’ What happened? ‘’

‘’ She-sh, she hurt me! ‘’

You stared at her in bewilderment, until it turned to despair and you felt a stomach-dropping feeling when with a shaky hand she pointed at you. All heads turned to you, but you only had eyes for Jiyun on the floor.

Betrayal…again? However, can you really betray someone if you never had any loyalty to them?

The panic flared up inside your body. You took a few steps back towards the people, eyes wide and filled to the brim with tears. 

‘’ Y/n? What did she do? ‘’ the teacher said behind your turned back.

‘’ She hit me….she al-always bullies me and sometimes she, ‘’ Jiyun faked a hiccup in the middle of her even faker crying, ‘’ She touches…’’ her voice died out and it had the dramatic effect she must’ve hoped for.

The crowd gasped and next they murmured about how they had noticed how her clothes looked like they’d been roughly handled. You didn’t look at any of them. You knew they had already collectively decided to condemn you and believe Jiyun instead.

‘’ Y/n, is this true? ‘’

Your throat felt dry, too dry to even speak. You tried clearing it, but it almost caused you to feel like you couldn’t breathe and kickstart a panic attack so you shook your head. First gently and then more violently, almost until you got dizzy. 

‘’ Come with me to my office, ‘’ she sternly said.

You felt her hand wrap around your arm in a tough hold. You were dragged past the people whose words hurt you almost physically as well as mentally. After hearing all that they said, you ended up in the chair in front of her desk with an expressionless look on your face.

You felt empty. There was barely any room for anger; it was more of an acceptance that had come after the initial horror. It was them. They were behind this 100%, and it was what Jiyun had warned you of in the bathroom. 

You scoffed sarcastically. You never would’ve done that to another student, even if it meant them going even harder on you, even if it meant more burn marks. She had sold herself easily.

‘’ Is this funny to you, y/n? ‘’

It wasn’t the fact that you had slipped up and forgotten where you were and what situation you were in. It was more that you had hit rock bottom, who gives a fuck attitude? 

‘’ I’m going to have to call your parents. And, ‘’ she slid a pile of papers across the desk. 

‘’ You will be suspended immediately. Leave your badge and all other belongings at the check-in area. ‘’

You threw your head back, ‘’ Of course. ‘’

‘’ Excuse me? ‘’

‘’ You won’t even let me defend myself. It’s just guilty until proven innocent, hm? ‘’

‘’ We have received more reports from other students claiming to have witnessed similar events, ‘’ the teacher irritably shot back.

‘’ And let me guess, their names are Jungwon, Heeseung, Ni-ki, Sunoo, Jake, Sunghoon, and Jay, right? ‘’

Even with your eyes closed, the lack of response was a response in itself. You smiled while looking at the ceiling and crossed your arms nonchalantly. 

‘’ Well fuck you guys then. This has always been a shit and unfair school who have done nothing when it came to defending me. But you’re always so eager to please these kids born with silver spoons in their mouths, fucking hypocrites. ‘’

The teacher gasped and you heard the others in the room stand up to see who the disrespectful student was. You turned and didn’t look back. You meant every word you said and you had waited so long to say it.

They wanted this to crush you and sure, it had made you finally lose it. But for the future, if you won the fight this was a blessing in disguise. 

*******

After coming home, your dad bothered you with a lot of questions which you ignored completely. The door was slammed in his face like usual and he stared at the wood with regret and shame again, wondering why his daughter refused to talk to him even though he was trying so hard.

That night, you slept well. You cried yourself to sleep, letting everything you had been keeping in for who knows how long, just get out. It felt like a huge burden had been taken off your shoulders, you felt lighter and slept like a baby.

The next morning, you had a plan in mind - to see your mom at the hospital and then Yeonjun. You technically had two more days left but since you didn’t have a school to go to anymore and Yeena was unreachable, these were the two things you wanted to do the most.

The staff at the hospital gave you dirty looks when you told them your name and said why you were there. Walking past some while taking the elevator, you caught a few words here and there. They seemed to judge you, calling you a bad daughter for not visiting when your mom had been there for so long.

You didn’t care. It was a private hospital that treated snobby, rude, and probably at some times undeserving rich people. It was no wonder the staff would be similar. With a head held high, you stepped into the elevator and flashed them a smile. They turned away and looked uncomfortable.

‘’ Your mom’s room is on the 16th floor. In the VIP section. ‘’ you saw in the mirrors on the walls how they looked you up and down.

‘’ Did you pay for this? ‘’

‘’ No. ‘’

They didn’t ask any more questions and just led you to the room, leaving afterward to give you some privacy. Your mom looked more vibrant than the last time you had seen her.

Sitting on her bed, she was looking out of the window at the beautiful view. Her cheeks looked less hollow like she had gained some weight and her skin looked less pale.

‘’ Hi, mom. ‘’

Her head whipped around and her face lit up, ‘’ Y/n! I’ve been waiting for you. ‘’

You sat down on her bed and let her pull you into her arms. She kissed the top of your head and rubbed your back as if you were the one who was sick.

‘’ How have you been, honey? ‘’

‘’ It’s okay. Not much has changed since last time. ‘’

She looked concerned and you felt bad for letting a frown form on her warm face so you leaned into her touch and smiled comfortingly.

‘’ It’s fine mom, I’m doing well. ‘’

‘’ And Soobin? ‘’

You hesitated, ‘’ What about him? ‘’

‘’ Is he doing well? Last time I saw you two, you were hiding from someone. ‘’

‘’ He’s…fine too. They weren’t anyone important mom, stop worrying. ‘’ 

She nodded and leaned back. Her eyes were still set on the horizon outside, the big skyscrapers outside accompanying it.

‘’ I like it here, ‘’ your mom sighed contently, ‘’ But I want to go outside with my daughter. ‘’

Your smile turned sorrowful. ‘’ One day. One day soon we will do that. ‘’

Only a half-smile pulled at the corners of her lips.

‘’ Do you really think so, honey? ‘’

‘’ Of course, ‘’ a tear rolled down your cheek.

‘’ I would take you to that park near our old house, the one you used to play so much in. Do you remember it? ‘’

The sheets ruffled as you angled your head to look at her. The light shining through the windows made her look so much like an angel, just like it; she beamed with hope, love, and warmth.

‘’ I do. ‘’

‘’ You didn’t have many friends so mommy always played with you ‘’ she looked at you when the fond memory came to mind, ‘’ But what did I always tell you? ‘’

‘’ There’s nothing wrong with being alone in this world, ‘’ you whispered thickly, holding back more tears from spilling.

Although it was a sweet memory for your mom. You had always suppressed it because it always reminded you of the grim future that followed that moment. Nothing changed. Ever since birth you had, had few by your side. Never did you fit in, never did you have genuine friends. Never understood, never loved.

You buried your face into your mom’s hospital gown. She hummed and put her arm around you to bring you closer. You stayed like that for a while, just relaxing under her wings. 

When it was time to go, you looked back at her one last time and promised to visit soon with Soobin by your side. You hoped that the next time you’d see her would be the day of her discharge.

*******

You knocked on the door before you changed your mind and turned around. The sound almost made the silence after seem even more deafening than before. No movement could be heard on the other side so slowly you turned, ready to leave disappointed.

‘’ Y/n, is that you? ‘’ a weak voice mumbled, stopping you in your tracks.

You stared back at the door in disbelief. It had been so quiet that you were questioning if you’d imagined it or not.

‘’ Yeonjun? ‘’

The lock clicked and the door creaked open. It revealed Yeonjun who looked like he’d been through hell. Not only did he have dark circles under his eyes, disheveled hair and was wearing the same clothes he was when you saw him last; but, you could also see all the trash in the back. It looked like he had purposefully ruined his room.

Papers, books, clothes, all laid crumpled up or torn on the floor, right next to the bags of snacks and cans of drinks.

‘’ How- ‘’ you licked your lips, unsure of what to say. ‘’ How…are you doing? ‘’

He chuckled sarcastically, ‘’ What does it look like? ‘’

You chewed on your lips.

‘’ I’m sorry. About everything, and I should’ve come to check up on you sooner. ‘’

Yeonjun stared at you for some seconds in silence. Then he nodded, a fake smile ghosting over his lips briefly before he went back to looking sullen.

‘’ How’s Soobin? ‘’

He must’ve noticed your hesitance because his eyes suddenly widened, looking a lot more interested and lively than earlier. 

‘’ Has he hurt him? ‘’

‘’ Jungwon? No, I don’t think so, ‘’ you truthfully said.

‘’ Then what? ‘’

‘’ Soobin brought me to your cabin. I- um…came up with the idea to bring Jake there, luring him and making him give us some information. ‘’

He crossed his arms, making you speak faster in nervousness. 

‘’ Well, things went wrong. Jungwon stabbed Jake- ‘’ his mouth opened and his eyebrows twitched. ‘’ Then they took Soobin when they left and told me they’ll give me three days. ‘’

‘’ Before what? ‘’

‘’ Not really sure. I think they were threatening to hurt Soobin. ‘’

His tongue poked the inside of his cheek and you cowered away, ready to get yelled at. Again, he stayed quiet. It was a bit different from the first time you’d met him when he was confident and replied rapidly and sharply. Now he seemed to need some time to think over what to say.

Or calm himself. You finally dared to look at him after he was silent for a few minutes and to your horror, you noticed his hands were shaking. 

‘’ Yeon- ‘’

‘’ None of this would’ve happened if you just listened to me from the beginning. ‘’

You didn’t raise your voice even if you felt like his harsh words were unfair. There was some truth to them. You could’ve still been friends with Soobin without dragging him into the mess. He nagged you about how little you were sleeping, while he himself looked tired all the time. Yet, his face would light up any time he saw you and he was ready to drop everything to help you.

You didn’t deserve him. Hot tears filled your eyes, making Yeonjun turn blurry. You turned your head away in shame, ‘’ I’ll get him back, ‘’ you mumbled before walking away.

He didn’t stop you. It seemed like you were alone in the fight again. It was then and there that you made the rash decision. Your feet moved on their own, bringing you to another doorstep.

You rang the doorbell and waited. It took some time for the door to be answered. A lot of noises came from the other side but around three minutes passed before someone actually opened it.

A familiar face greeted you, ‘’ You’re here already? ‘’

You nodded, not having any energy to smile and certainly no energy to hear any mocking. Thankfully it was Sunoo who opened the door, with a curious Ni-ki standing just a step away.

‘’ Are you…okay? ‘’ the taller male asked. ‘’ You don’t look so good. ‘’

You were swaying from foot to foot, deeply affected by the conversation with Yeonjun. Your eyes barely grazed over the two boys, they kept wandering aimlessly.

‘’ Will you let him go if I come in? ‘’

‘’ Yes, ‘’ Ni-ki hurried to press out before Sunoo answered.

He moved to the side and you walked in, again without looking back. Hands reached for your jacket and you let them take it off without a fight. One, or both of them put their arms around you, you think it was Ni-ki, while Sunoo held your hand instead.

They lead you through the familiar living room and kitchen, finally ending up in the garden. At the end of the garden, Sunghoon stood by some rose bushes. He raised his eyebrow when he spotted the three of you, a smile tugging at his lips.

‘’ It hasn’t even been three days. ‘’

‘’ I know, ‘’ you weakly said, ‘’ When can I see Soobin? ‘’

‘’ I will take you to him now. ‘’

He turned and Ni-ki and Sunoo let go of you. Instead, you followed Sunghoon who seemed to disappear into the bushes when he took a step forward. You blinked in confusion, not sure what to do. A small scream erupted from you when you were tugged forward by the arm.

On the other side of the bush was an entrance to a bunker. You looked at Sunghoon who gladly boasted, ‘’ We all have a bunker in our backyards, in case enemies come. ‘’

You hummed, obediently climbing down first when he opened it for you. Of course the rich would be saved first in case of an emergency. You scoffed scornfully under your breath. 

It was a very big bunker that looked fit for a family like Jungwon’s. The first section was a long hallway and it had different doors which you assumed were bedrooms for every family member and more.

Sunghoon led you through the tight hall into an opening in the middle before the hallways continued. It was a leisure room; beanbags, a pool table, a boxing machine, and even a TV with controllers that Heeseung and Jay were playing with were there.

Jungwon sat a bit away from the other two, on a beanbag in the corner pressed against the wall. He watched them but didn’t engage and because his seat was facing the entrance to the hallway, he was the first to notice you coming.

He looked surprised. His eyebrows raised and his mouth opened when he stood up, ‘’ It hasn’t been three days. ‘’ he echoed what Sunghoon had said.

‘’ I know. I didn’t have anything to do, ‘’ you shrugged casually.

He must’ve thought you were stupid. Heeseung and Jay looked over their shoulders to glance at you briefly and then turned back almost instantly to their game. Jungwon however, crossed his arms and tilted his head, a frown had formed on his face.

‘’ You had nothing to do? That’s it? ‘’

You nodded, determined to pretend like you weren’t about to faint from the fear. It was best to act like you were completely nonchalant and unfazed by what you had witnessed him doing not that long ago.

His frown turned into a joyous smirk, ‘’ Did you go to school? ‘’

‘’ Yes. ‘’

Your head turned when Heeseung chuckled darkly. He didn’t turn around so you all watched his back, waiting for him to say something.

‘’ And? Did you have fun? ‘’ he drawled.

‘’ Yes, ‘’ you said, this time a bit more hesitant.

‘’ Were you expelled? ‘’ Jay chimed in.

You didn’t answer this time, but judging by their shared looks and smiles on their faces, they knew.

‘’ I’ll show you where you will sleep. ‘’

‘’ Sleep? ‘’

You stared after Jungwon who walked down the other hallway. He didn’t stop and say anything, he only turned once he had reached the end and opened a door. You ran there because he looked very impatient.

It was a small room, about the size of a prison cell. It was cozier than one though, with a proper bed and a desk but it didn’t have much else in it. Covers and blankets were on the bed. The walls were blank and empty, void of any personality. 

‘’ Why do I get my own room? ‘’

Jungwon seemed amused, ‘’ I guess it will take some while to release Soobin. In the meantime, you’ll be here, with us. ‘’

‘’ No! That was not part of the plan at all, ‘’ your voice got louder.

‘’ Maybe not yours. ‘’

He started stalking towards you, making the only space that was furthest away from him the bed. You crawled back on it, all the way until your back hit the wall. Your hands tried to push him away and even claw at his exposed forearms.

He was still indifferent, only looking down at you after having crawled on top with a dissatisfied look on his face. That same look - like you were just a disobedient child.

He groaned when your foot temporarily had some room to move and you pulled your leg up to knee him in between his legs. It didn’t really have the effect you wanted it to. Instead of pulling away, he knew what you were trying to do and fell forward, putting all of his weight on you instead.

You huffed as you tried to lift him off of you to get away but it was impossible, he didn’t move an inch. Into the crook of your neck, you felt his hot breath on your skin as he laughed. It was followed by a clicking sound and something cold and tight around your wrists.

You moved them but they weren’t able to move very far, something clinked when you pulled them too far away. When Jungwon finally drew away from you and laid on the bed, you realized he had handcuffed you to the bed. 

‘’ Jungwon! Uncuff me now you- bitch! ‘’ you growled at him.

He gave you one final look of cockiness and amusement before turning his back on you and ignoring your screams and insults. You kicked against the blankets like a little child and screamed your throat hoarse. 

‘’ No, no! Don’t you dare leave me here! ‘’

The only response you got was the sound of the door closing and the key turning in the lock. It stilled you completely. You stopped fighting and relaxed, knowing that energy should be saved for later.

Staring at the ceiling now you began to regret your decision. It was too impulsive and not at all thought through. You hadn’t even considered that they might stop you from leaving. You sighed and closed your eyes, which made your thoughts redirect to Soobin. Why wouldn’t they just let him go? When you imagined him confined to a small room like this somewhere down there, you almost started to cry out of guilt. Whatever they’d ask of you to let Soobin go, you’d do it, without a doubt.

*******

Sometime after laying there and just daydreaming about past memories and the future again, you fell asleep. When you woke up you had no idea what time it was since the room had no windows. 

You could hear noises coming from the wall next to your bed so you shuffled closer to it and put your ear against it. The sounds became clearer. Was that someone crying? 

‘’ Hello? ‘’

It became quiet. Then, you heard something moving on the other side. A voice made you jump in surprise, ‘’ Is that you? ‘’

‘’ Jake? ‘’ you breathed, ‘’ You-you’re alive? ‘’

He giggled, maybe detecting the small concern in your voice, ‘’ Yes, thanks to you. ‘’

You opened and closed your mouth a few times, not sure what to say. Jake continued talking to take the burden from you.

‘’ I got here yesterday after getting treated at the hospital. They said it wasn’t too bad. ‘’

‘’ Why would you come here after they stabbed you? ‘’

‘’ Well…I thought they had taken you. I wanted to help you, return the favor and stuff. ‘’

‘’ But it didn’t go well I’m guessing? ‘’

‘’ No. Clearly not, ‘’ he said jokingly, ‘’ They didn’t accept me back but thankfully they didn’t kill me either. ‘’

You weren’t sure why you asked the next question or why you even cared, but it was like he made you feel pity for him. Like this wasn’t the same guy that had bullied you.

‘’ Have they been giving you food? ‘’

Jake didn’t see it as you being kind and thoughtful, he thought you were concerned for your own health, ‘’ Yeah. They give us food if you’re worried about that. Water too. ‘’

You hummed, chewing on your lip. 

‘’ How will we get out? ‘’

‘’ I’m not sure we will, y/n. ‘’

Neither of you said anything after that. The words felt heavy; enough so that it sent both of you into deep thought. You stared at the ceiling again, there wasn’t much to do in there anyway.

Just then, someone knocked on your door. They didn’t listen for a response and you waited anxiously as it unlocked and was pushed open. Heeseung stepped in with a tray of food and a bottle of water.

Jay peeked in for a moment and then disappeared again, shortly being replaced by the face of Sunoo. You rolled over on your side, feeling horrendously like a zoo animal. 

‘’ Hey, princess. ‘’ 

Heeseung sat crosslegged by the bed and opened the water. Despite your body language protesting, he helped you sit upright and poured water into your mouth. Your eyes drifted from your bully to the tray of food he had placed on the bed.

He snickered when he noticed it and brought it forward. Taking some chopsticks he loaded food into your mouth which you gladly took even though you were dying on the inside from humiliation.

And that was it. Once the food was eaten and the water drunken, he left and locked the room again. You stared wide-eyed at the door after. Were they doing it on purpose? Limiting social interactions to use it as a tool? You would’ve thought they’d be eager to talk to you now that they had you all for themselves, out of sight of everyone else.

Like on the bus, you remained between sleeping and being conscious again; occasionally turning your head towards the wall where Jake was on the other side and then staring at the door.

The next time the door opened, you assumed it was nighttime. Jay had been the one tasked with giving you food and water instead of Heeseung, but you still saw Sunoo in the background. He came in fully and sat on the foot of the bed. His eyes carried compassion and guilt in them, which were trained on you the whole time you let Jay feed you.

‘’ What time is it? How long have I been here? ‘’

You tried initiating a conversation to test your theory of them purposefully avoiding talking to you for too long. Jay stopped his movements. He looked annoyed and almost glared at you.

‘’ Hours. ‘’

‘’ How many? ‘’

You were ignored. Not even begging silently to Sunoo helped you. He stood up which caught the attention of Heeseung and Sunghoon who had now also joined your room, although only in the doorway. 

At the sound of shuffling footsteps behind him, Jay’s head snapped around. Sunoo stared back, a fearful expression on his face as he met the slight glare his friend directed toward him.

Their temper had always been short when it came to Sunoo. No one got scolded or watched as closely as he did. He never contributed anything to plans, he was more dragged along and forced to submit.

‘’ Where are you going? ‘’ Heeseung’s low voice warned.

He felt uncomfortable under the spotlight. All of you had your eyes on him, watching him closely; inspecting him, maybe even judging him. A grimace took over his fear, he instead felt rather pathetic.

But at the same time, Sunoo had more reason to be afraid of them now. They had killed Jake for stepping out of line, and he was terrified they’d do the same to him.

‘’ I-I was just- ‘’

‘’ Just leave, ‘’ Sunghoon waved him off, and the almost disgusted scowl on his face was hard to miss.

You released the breath you didn’t know you’d been holding in when he turned back again. What did they want? And what were they going to do? Not knowing was somehow worse than if you knew they would hurt you next, at least then you could prepare. It reminded you of the gym, that first time they had pressed the hot iron against your skin.

You had no clue what would happen when you walked into that room, similar to how you’d felt when you walked into Jungwon’s house, and every single time they stepped into your room so far.

Do they want to talk this time, taunt you, just see you, make a deal, kiss you or is this the time they take it one step further? Those were anxious thoughts that always filled your head when almost all of them had gathered now. At this point, it almost immediately kicked your fight or flight in when you heard the lock turn; just like Pavlov’s dog, you had been trained to recognize the sound and your body reacted autonomously. 

‘’ Hey. ‘’

You raised your hung head and looked at Jay. The two of you seemed to try and read what was on the other’s mind, but you had no luck.

‘’ Do you not want to see Soobin? ‘’

A humorless scoff left your dry lips, ‘’ He’s not dead yet? ‘’

His eyebrow raised, your reaction was quite unexpected. You sounded exhausted, almost like you had given up already. It was a shame, they hadn’t even toyed that much with you yet.

‘’ Do you wish he were? ‘’

‘’ No, ‘’ you firmly pressed out through clenched teeth.

‘’ Then you better be on your best behavior, ‘’ he smirked before standing up.

You watched through the corner of your eye how he walked away with the others and relaxed when the sound of the door closing echoed. 

You began to think less and less that they would let either of you go. Despite their fathers being close, Soobin’s dad wouldn’t have anything to say if his son came in between his boss and the company’s future. 

Time was running out in all ways. The election was fast approaching, on top of all the other things that were burdens for you. 

*******

A lot of time had passed until you opened your eyes again. You assumed you had been sleeping because you couldn’t remember what you had daydreamed about. What had woken you up was a lot of noise on the outside.

The more you were waking up and shaking the grogginess off, the louder and clearer the sounds became. They were shouting and you could hear thuds, sounds of furniture moving and banging.

You sat up straight. Footsteps approached your door. With your heart in your throat, you stared and waited. It went quiet, then the lock slowly clicked; with a creak, it was pushed open. You almost pressed your eyes shut out of fear but didn’t have time.

‘’ Yeonjun? ‘’

‘’ Hey. Sorry I was late, ‘’ he casually said, ‘’ Sunoo told me where you were. ‘’

You were about to say something else when a stranger pushed past him. More people poured in, shining their bright lights at you so it took some time to adjust to it. You heard what sounded like a radio, and your head snapped up.

‘’ You’re here to help me? ‘’ you choked out.

They looked down at you with polite smiles. One of them helped uncuff you and get you on your feet. You followed them wordlessly out of the room. When they led you past Jake’s room you couldn’t help but glance in.

He was sitting up on his bed and people were helping him too. He saw you and grinned widely, looking like a little puppy.

‘’ Soobin? ‘’ you looked back at Yeonjun who was following you.

‘’ He’s safe. He was in one of the rooms near the entrance, ‘’ he assured you.

The area you had been in just a few hours ago was completely destroyed. The TV had fallen and the chairs and tables on the other side had been knocked over. 

‘’ Where are they? ‘’

Yeonjun couldn’t hold back the smirk that spread on his face, ‘’ You’ll see. ‘’

You frowned and climbed up the ladder, wondering what he was talking about. As soon as you were out, you had your answer. All six of them were being led away in handcuffs by police officers in the same uniform as the ones escorting you out.

Your group waited for your bullies to leave so you let your eyes wander while standing there. It didn’t seem like there had been an altercation above the bunker so they must have all been below ground. 

Next, you turned and your heart almost stopped. Two people stared back at you, both equally as taken back and so moved by seeing you that they had tears in their eyes. You ran over there, straight into his arms.

‘’ Are you okay? ‘’ you mumbled into his chest.

He sniffled and laughed. You only cried harder, knowing how much you had missed hearing that laugh.

‘’ Yes, I’m okay. Are you? ‘’ he pulled away to look at you, and seemingly satisfied he pulled you in to hug you even tighter.

‘’ Hey, asshole. When is it my turn? ‘’

Soobin rubbed the back of his neck and you saw his cheeks turn red before he released you. Yena had never looked that animated before. She was beaming and had even let the tears drop shamelessly. 

You returned her smile and hugged her carefully. Her hold around you tightened and you felt her chest heave. You rubbed her back soothingly and cried too, mostly because you felt sorry that hadn’t believed her.

You both pulled back after some time and wiped your tears. She genuinely looked like she loved you. You felt like you had to say it, ‘’ I’m so sorry, Yena. ‘’

Her eyes narrowed, ‘’ No! Do not apologize. ‘’

You laughed and accepted defeat because she genuinely looked really angry like she wanted to punch you for even uttering those words or thinking them. 

A hand touched your arm. You turned around, knowing who it was already. A shy Jake greeted you, his anxious eyes darting to Yena and Soobin several times.

‘’ Hi, ‘’ he sheepishly said.

‘’ Hi. ‘’

‘’ I just, um- ‘’ he looked really uncomfortable so you gave him a reassuring smile which seemed to relax him a little bit. 

‘’ I want to apologize for everything. ‘’

You blinked at him.

‘’ What? ‘’ you all three said in unison. 

‘’ Well…I don’t want to blame the others. But I think being in that environment with really bad people influenced me. I’m not perfect, which is why I want to apologize so hopefully I can change, and become better.’’

‘’ I- oh, that’s nice. Thank you. ‘’

He nodded and laughed a bit awkwardly. Trying to move past you he was stopped as you pulled on his sleeve. You weren’t sure if you were making a mistake you’d come to regret. However, you said it anyway,

‘’ We can keep in touch if you want. ‘’

Now it was his time to blink at you in bewilderment, ‘’ What? Are you sure? ‘’

‘’ Yeah. I might move away from the city anyway. ‘’

You handed him your phone which he stared at for a few seconds before he seemed to snap out of it. He gave it back and this time he had a genuine smile on his face as he left. Yena and Soobin immediately ran up to you.

‘’ Are you crazy? Why would you do that? ‘’

‘’ I don’t know, ‘’ you groaned, ‘’ Trying to give people a second chance? ‘’

Soobin shook his head, ‘’ What would you do without me? ‘’

You laughed loudly and hugged him again. Pressed against his chest, you soon pulled away slightly to look up at him.

‘’ Soobin? ‘’

‘’ Yeah- ‘’

His words were knocked right out of his mouth as you stood on tiptoe to press your lips against his. Yena squealed with joy and gasped when she noticed. There was so much love, so much desperation and yearning in that kiss you had waited so long for. When you both looked at each other, he was glowing with happiness, he could feel what you were trying to tell him.

*******

Yeonjun had explained it about a thousand times since you left Jungwon’s house that night. However many times he kept doing it, it was still surreal to you and Soobin. What he had done once you left was quite simple, but not something any of you had thought about before.

He went to social media and the press. Turned out your bullies thought you’d never go online with it all because it was too big of a thing, they probably only thought that if you did that you would write some letter exposing the bullying. Those that released letters like that never gained much attention, they were always buried under the other hundreds of letters.

And if they thought you’d attempt to go on social media with the scandals of the company abusing their staff and being corrupt; they assumed you would post it, and they’d track you down before it gained traction.

Yeonjun was smarter than that. He went anonymous and made sure he couldn’t be traced at all. With his hacking, he released the most important files - the photos, texts, and evidence that were the most important. He had organized them when you all thought he was locked up in his room because he was distressed. No, that had only motivated him further, pushing him to his limits to get revenge for his friend.

It took a lot of time for it to get attention on social media, so he copied and sent it to every news outlet he had done research on that wasn’t connected to the company. Naturally, they freaked out. They tried looking everywhere for Yeonjun, but he wasn’t at home.

It was crazy, something out of a movie almost. You felt so lucky that it took off online the way that it did because it was a bit of a luck game. Some must’ve tried the same things you did, but it never got highlighted.

You suppose this was the universe’s way of giving back to you after so much pain and misery. All the fighting, tears, and work for the revenge you so badly wanted to get; had not been in vain.

You leaned your head back against the seat in the car after Yeonjun had retold his story again. He said that the evidence led to a warrant for their arrest and that they were being detained while they investigated.

*******

The sounds of heels clacking against the marble floor echoed down the hallway. You already knew who they might be, the mothers of your bullies. So you made a run for it, scared that they would confront you.

Escaping into one of the corridors to the side that led to smaller courtrooms, you pressed yourself against the wall while holding your breath. The heels went past you and then disappeared completely. 

Soon, you started to hear two voices. It sounded like an older male and…You leaned closer, the voice became clearer. It was your lawyer that you had recently hired in case your bullies or the company tried to get back at you. In hushed voices, they angrily conversed.

‘’ You said you could wrap this up. ‘’

Your lawyer released a short, tired sigh and you could almost picture him rubbing his nose out of frustration.

‘’ I would’ve been able to if they didn’t take it to the media. With everyone’s eyes on us, I can’t do much, people have protested! You’ll have to accept the punishment. ‘’

Silence filled the area for a short period. Then a low hum sounded from the older male. You suspected he was from Jay’s dad’s company from what they were saying. It meant that your lawyer was affiliated with them. You rolled your eyes - of course, your luck would have it that way. 

But at the same time, it didn’t seem to matter. The lawyer couldn’t soften the blow of the angry citizens and keyboard warriors at home, nor could they dodge the bullets of the workers’ unions that demanded a punishment. Jungwon wouldn’t get quite the same punishment the company would, so maybe they were talking about that and not why you were there today.

‘’ And the girls? ‘’

You straightened up and swallowed thickly, almost choking on air when you were mentioned. 

‘’ I’m not sure what will happen to her. She hasn’t asked for the case to be reopened. ‘’

Your eyebrows knit together. Reopened? They weren’t talking about you. Who were they talking about? Shuffling closer to the voices as they became even more cautiously hushed, you hoped that they would explain it further or at least say enough for you to decipher it yourself.

‘’ I probably won’t have to worry about that then. We paid them a great deal. ‘’

‘’ And even if she went through with it, she wouldn’t have gotten much justice, ‘’ your lawyer filled in.

You waited with bated breath for them to continue, but a long time passed with neither of them saying anything. Then you heard the sound of shoes moving and you hurried to turn the corner, your heart beating loudly in your chest.

‘’ Miss? ‘’

You froze. Turning around, you could only assume you looked like a deer caught in headlights. It was evident that you had heard something you weren’t supposed to. Your lawyer stepped away from the older male and put a hand hovering against the small of your back to make you move.

The two of you walked back to the courtroom, and immediately after retaking your seats outside it, he questioned you.

‘’ What were you doing? ‘’

You bit your tongue, ‘’ I was just resting and I…accidentally heard you. ‘’

He hummed and put his arm to rest behind you on the bench. It served its purpose. Intimidated, words slipped out of your mouth without him having said much.

‘’ I-I didn’t hear much. I swear! ‘’

He looked disappointed, but also amused; a small smile played on his lips. He leaned in and this time it felt much more intimate. 

‘’ Are you going to tell anyone? ‘’

‘’ No, ‘’ you shook your head vehemently, ‘’ But…who were you talking about? ‘’

‘’ Sunghoon and Jay. ‘’

Your eyes widened and he looked equally surprised when studying your face and seeing that you had no idea what he was talking about.

‘’ Didn’t you get the files? ‘’

‘’ Yes? ‘’ you said in a small voice.

Maybe Yeonjun had left that detail out.

‘’ The reason they were at the police station was to pick up a report that was filed against them by their former girlfriends. ‘’

‘’ Why? ‘’ 

You had a bad feeling in your stomach, and you could’ve probably guessed right then and there what it was about. It was just hard to imagine those two in particular doing something so heinous, so evil.

Then again - they were friends with Jungwon, the devil himself and evil reincarnated. You supposed it takes one to know one and they were all bad in one way or another.

Your lawyer licked his lips, glanced back to see if anyone else was around, and then casually whispered, ‘’ Domestic violence. ‘’

‘’ Wha- ‘’ you felt at loss for words.

‘’ It was dismissed, naturally because of their connections. They had photos and texts but it was all swept under the rug. ‘’

‘’ How is that even possible? ‘’

‘’ Money is power, miss. ‘’ he looked away, but his smirk was still visible, ‘’ It can do anything you want it to. ‘’

‘’ That’s immoral. ‘’ you angrily burst out, quite loudly.

Immediately a hand found its way to your thigh, warning you to keep your voice down. 

‘’ That’s life, ‘’ he bit back.

His attention was turned to the front again, firmly letting you know he was done talking. You almost felt like a kid around him, despite your ages not being that far apart. You obeyed him, but with a sour taste in your mouth, he reminded you of someone.

‘’ The break is over. Court is in session again. ‘’

People moved into the courtroom. You kept your head down, but could almost predict that Jungwon and his lawyer brushed past you in that moment. When the last few people went in, the guards closed the doors and the sound of it echoed in the silence.

‘’ What do you think the ruling will be? ‘’

He ticked his tongue. You were sure he already had an answer despite not giving it right away. Maybe he was sparing you the pain for a bit longer.

‘’ I think it won’t be a harsh punishment. ‘’

‘’ But, he will go to prison, right? ‘’ he didn’t answer, ‘’ Right? ‘’

‘’ There’s nothing I can do to change it, miss, ‘’ he explained calmly, ‘’ The others were already just put on probation for the kidnapping charges. This is how it works with Chaebol families. ‘’

‘’ He killed someone! ‘’

He glared at you, and your voice quietened down a bit. However, It didn’t do much to quieten the anger you felt inside.

‘’ They will claim it’s involuntary manslaughter, maybe even spin it into negligent homicide. ‘’

‘’ Manslaughter? That must be prison time. ‘’

‘’ Most of the time, you can pay a fine, especially when you’re a first-time offender and a rich, well-known person like Mr. Yang. ‘’

You sighed and your whole body slumped down in the seat. Doubling over you buried your face in your hands and almost tore out pieces of your hair.

‘’ I don’t understand… ‘’ you mumbled to yourself, over and over.

Your lawyer looked at you with pity. But he was quiet. From time to time he went from looking at you with concern, to checking his watch curiously. 

You weren’t sure how much time had passed before the door finally opened again. The people were unusually quiet, so you almost missed them passing by. You only noticed when heaps of shoes passed by right in front of your field of view.

‘’ Y/n, the trial is over. ‘’

Slowly you raised your head, ‘’ What was the verdict? ‘’

‘’ I’ll go check. Stay here. ‘’

He stood up and pushed past the stream of people. Close to the entrance, he stopped by what looked like Jungwon’s lawyer from where you were sitting. A visible grin spread on the man’s face, and when your lawyer turned to you, you already knew you wouldn’t be happy with the news.

‘’ No jail? ‘’ you said defeatedly.

He sighed, ‘’ No jail. He just has to pay millions in fines. ‘’

‘’ That’s nothing to a guy like him. ‘’

‘’ At least he and the other guys have been suspended. Are you still going to go to that school? ‘’

You hadn’t thought about that since you yourself got suspended. What you wanted most maybe seemed like something out of a fantasy - to run away to the countryside and finish school there with Soobin, away from the city and the places that only brought forth bad memories.

Your dad would most likely never accept that. But you had considered cutting all ties with him anyway, so it didn’t really matter. If you didn’t live too far out, you could still go and visit your mom every weekend and walk around at the places you actually liked.

‘’ I would suggest you move, miss. ‘’

‘’ Why? ‘’

‘’ Although they have been disciplined and they no longer have the same power they used to because of the company having fallen apart, it doesn’t mean they won’t give up on you. ‘’

‘’ I think they will now. They have lost a lot. ‘’

‘’ Take my advice. I’ll stay in touch, ‘’ he said and then stood up.

You gave him a rather sad smile, but it still carried a lot of gratitude and had more lightness to it than the previous fake ones you had given him in the beginning. You supposed this was as much justice as you and the other victims would get. It wasn’t much, but it was something.

More and more people passed by, unnoticed by you. Remaining glued to the bench you kept thinking over your future. 

*******

6 months later

You shared your thoughts with Soobin about what you wished life after the storm would look like. As always he fought hard to make your wishes come true. He brought you out to his aunt’s house in the countryside and promised you shelter there for as long as you needed.

Going back to the city hadn’t happened many times. Mostly because after you had moved out there, tragedy had struck the peace, disrupting it once again. You almost burst into tears any time you thought of your mom. They had called, telling you that she had passed away. The timing was suspicious, to say the least. Soobin had been there to comfort you after everything; after the confirmation, the funeral, and whenever you felt like your heart was breaking.

But, you knew your mom was at peace now. The crying had become less frequent when you realized this. Free from feeling like a burden on her family, and free from the hold your bullies had over her.

Maybe you could’ve seen it coming. That if you fought back, they’d remove your mom like a piece from a chessboard. 

All in all, you had started to feel happy. You took everything day by day, and gradually it got easier. The stress you had felt from living in the city, constantly harassed and bullied by them, and also under surveillance had disappeared. You felt lighter, looked more radiant. Looking back at it you’d been living in constant survival mode. Therefore it felt a bit weird that you were free now.

You and Soobin were sitting on the train for your first trip into the city in a long time. Summer was fast approaching. As you stopped seeing your bullies, the scars gradually stopped itching. You didn’t care about the stares you’d get when out in public, you freely wore short-sleeved shirts. Soobin was always there to hold your hand or distract you by saying stupid stuff whispered into your ear when he saw them.

And when you turned to him, everyone else disappeared.

*******

*******

taglist; @peaceout97blog-blog, @ayadikreino, @beoms-sugar, @keikeu, @sunghoonnsupremacy, @lilyalone, @sweet-kisses-and-bloody-screams, @eunchaesmileyface, @nunugget, @seunns, @nshmrarki, @huening-ly, @espyluvsyou, @yncel, @loserwithnofriends, @enha-stan, @binchanluvrr, @ariek-divad, @obsessed1with1straykids, @yizhoutv, @taeyongzodiactwinkiri, @w3bqrl, @elleashn, @nuriicata, @yevene, @manasasugarbaby09, @jend3uki

*******

Hey my loves, if you made it this far woww ur crazy bc this is really my longest chapter and written thing on this blog I think I’ve ever done??!! 

Now, this chapter might be confusing or disappointing which is why I’m here to explain it to ease at least some of y’all’s minds (I hope)

First Jake - yes, I did ‘’ revive ‘’ him lol, or decide to not kill him even tho I had planned otherwise, after everyone’s opinions changed. It’s honestly super interesting to see how people’s opinions can change just like that, because of one chapter, one scene and & perspective change, super cool!! Some of you will probably believe he’ll have a full character redemption arc and some still hate him and alwaysa will, never believing a guy like him will change.

Yena, now Yena’s interesting. I always struggled with her character. Do I make her actually betray y/n or not? Do I make her die (bc yes I was very adamant on one of them dying, even Yeonjun was considered, after heroically saving his brother and the girl he liked, he’d die thinking of his friend LMAOO). In the end I settled on her warming up to y/n which I personally found was pretty sweet since before meeting her she was literally a copy of her brother - cold, dark and mean.

Also, at the end I did reveal a pretty big thing abt Sunghoon & Jay. I know the placement is weird and so is the random scene where I bring Jiyun in (maybe?) in all honesty I had forgotten abt her lol and I had also forgotten abt the dirty secrets those two were hiding. That’s why it got crammed in at the end bc I already had my set scenes I wanted to write.

The conclusion might frustrate some, I get that. My simplest explanation is that they were in reality just a bunch of high schoolers. They weren’t some evil masterminds and I think that makes it more realistic. They were spoiled kids who expected their parents to clean up after them every time and thought they were untouchable that’s why the taunted y/n and Soobin by handing them the evidence right in their hands. DUMB !!! In the end though, the punishments they got didn’t make it as ‘’ easy ‘’ as them finding her and the whole thing going down at the end did.

I do believe she got a happy ending even tho it definitely didn’t seem like it with her mom dying and her barely getting any justice lol. But I guess again, it’s a matter of perspective. What she wanted most maybe wasn’t revenge, but freedom that she had always craved. Plus, their jealous assess probably see it as revenge bc she got swept off her feet by Choi Soobin himself.

I love open endings, although this was only a ‘’ semi-open ‘’ ending. Maybe some of you think, like I pitched at the end that they will try to follow her and not give up. Others, would think they’d let her go no matter how painful it’d be - could they perhaps find a new obsession in the city instead?

And also I would say that although my masterlist says ‘’ heavily inspired by ‘’ I only think it ended up being a little inspired by but yeah can’t change it now lol so sorry if u were expecting my girl to pull off such moves like the mc did in the glory.

If you read this far (again) I love you, & even if you didn’t read this whole chapter bc it’s a LOT or you still felt the ending was poopie bc I’m a student who rushes things - thank you, from the bottom of my heart ! I’m excited to see what new projects I will want to do <333

#enha the glory #yandere kpop #kpop yandere #yandere enha #yandere enhypen #enha x reader

[wolfythewitch]

Genuine question, what about King Saul? Cause I’m not really familiar with his story

Okay so this ended up pretty long so I'll put it under the cut

So he was anointed king when he went to look for his father's missing donkeys, and on the way they decided to visit a nearby town where Samuel lived. Samuel saw him and god told him that Saul was his appointed king, the first one to ever rule (before the kings there were only judges) Which was wild for him because

So he was anointed king the next day, in public. Which was also really funny because my man was hiding. He was stealthing. He actually came back to his father's house and worked the land until he was called to lead the army

So he does some king things and he does alright. I think his reign lasted two years, though some scholars say it must have been closer to 20ish. The thing is, he makes two mistakes.

First, he did not wait for Samuel before going through with an offering before a war

Second, he was sent to attack the Amalekites, and to not spare anyone, man, woman, or children, livestock. But he spared their king and their cattle.

An interesting thing here is the relationship of Saul and Samuel, as Samuel genuinely mourns that Saul is no longer to be king. And while they never see each other again after this, they both seemed to have cared for each other a lot.

So afterwards, David is anointed as the new king. At that time, Saul hasn't been made aware yet. He had David in his employ as an armor bearer, and when he was troubled, as he so often was these days, David would play the lyre to soothe him.

Now there was another battle between the Philistines and the Israelites, which you're probably more familiar with. This time they had a very special guy, a giant named Goliath. You probably know of the story, how David killed him with a slingshot. What's notable here was that Saul was genuinely fond of David, even lending him his own armor, even if it did become too heavy

David had befriended Jonathan and they became very close two, "knit his soul with his as if they were one". Saul have him a high rank in his army, as anything David was sent out to do he did successfully and well.

The first time we see him think negatively of David was when the people praised his deeds over Saul's, which most likely fed into his growing paranoia as well, knowing that his time as king was almost up

This time, fully convinced that David was to usurp him, he repeatedly ordered for his death, once even sending soldiers to where he lived with Saul's daughter(David's wife), though David managed to elude him.

David finally runs away with help from Jonathan (note this was a very emotional moment between the two and isn't very relevant to the story but it's great) and becomes a fugitive. He gains temporary refuge at a house of priests, who send him off with food and a weapon. Saul put these priests to death.

By now David has amassed a group of supporters who believed that he should be the rightful king. While Saul was pursuing them, they hid themselves away in a cave. Saul went to go take a piss and the men try to convince David to strike at his back. David spares Saul however, cutting off a piece of his cloak and showing it to him later on. He still believed Saul to be the rightful king and didn't want to hurt him.

8 Then David went out of the cave and called out to Saul, “My lord the king!” When Saul looked behind him, David bowed down and prostrated himself with his face to the ground. 9 He said to Saul, “Why do you listen when men say, ‘David is bent on harming you’? 10 This day you have seen with your own eyes how the Lord delivered you into my hands in the cave. Some urged me to kill you, but I spared you; I said, ‘I will not lay my hand on my lord, because he is the Lord’s anointed.’ 11 See, my father, look at this piece of your robe in my hand! I cut off the corner of your robe but did not kill you. See that there is nothing in my hand to indicate that I am guilty of wrongdoing or rebellion. I have not wronged you, but you are hunting me down to take my life. 12 May the Lord judge between you and me. And may the Lord avenge the wrongs you have done to me, but my hand will not touch you. 13 As the old saying goes, ‘From evildoers come evil deeds,’ so my hand will not touch you.

I can't post anymore photos sorry HAHA.

Overcome with remorse and guilt, Saul swears that he will stop chasing David and goes home.

But again, Saul goes after David, making camp near the wilderness where he stayed at. David snuck in under the cover of night and stole from Saul a water jug and a spear, which he showed to him when morning came.

8 Abishai said to David, “Today God has delivered your enemy into your hands. Now let me pin him to the ground with one thrust of the spear; I won’t strike him twice.” 9 But David said to Abishai, “Don’t destroy him! Who can lay a hand on the Lord’s anointed and be guiltless? 10 As surely as the Lord lives,” he said, “the Lord himself will strike him, or his time will come and he will die, or he will go into battle and perish. 11 But the Lord forbid that I should lay a hand on the Lord’s anointed. Now get the spear and water jug that are near his head, and let’s go.”

17 Saul recognized David’s voice and said, “Is that your voice, David my son?” David replied, “Yes it is, my lord the king.” 18 And he added, “Why is my lord pursuing his servant? What have I done, and what wrong am I guilty of?

And so once again guilty and remorseful, they part ways.

At this point, Samuel had already passed away. Desperate at an oncoming war, Saul seeks out a medium (which were forbidden) and asks to see Samuel's ghost

8 So Saul disguised himself, putting on other clothes, and at night he and two men went to the woman. “Consult a spirit for me,” he said, “and bring up for me the one I name.” 9 But the woman said to him, “Surely you know what Saul has done. He has cut off the mediums and spiritists from the land. Why have you set a trap for my life to bring about my death?” 10 Saul swore to her by the Lord, “As surely as the Lord lives, you will not be punished for this.” 11 Then the woman asked, “Whom shall I bring up for you?” “Bring up Samuel,” he said. 12 When the woman saw Samuel, she cried out at the top of her voice and said to Saul, “Why have you deceived me? You are Saul!” 13 The king said to her, “Don’t be afraid. What do you see?” The woman said, “I see a ghostly figure[a] coming up out of the earth.” 14 “What does he look like?” he asked. “An old man wearing a robe is coming up,” she said. Then Saul knew it was Samuel, and he bowed down and prostrated himself with his face to the ground.

But Samuel only repeats what has been said before, and says that he and his children will be delivered to the hand of the Philistines, and that tomorrow, he and his son will join Samuel (will die).

The next day, they were fighting and losing. While being pursued and knowing that they were close to defeat, Saul runs himself through his sword and dies, reasoning that death is better than captivity. His three sons died that day too.

(notably, he was still alive after impaling himself. A nearby soldier passed by and Saul begged him to finish the job, which he did)

His line does still live on, as David had taken in his only surviving grandson, Jonathan's son, Mephibosheth.

And yeah! That's a summarized version of his life. I just find his story fascinating, how his reign slowly grew more corrupted and paranoid, and how even the people closest to him turned on him, helping instead his greatest enemy, who wanted nothing but to serve him. It's really tragic haha. And presumably, he didn't even want to be king. After Samuel anointed him before the people, Saul went back to his home in Gibeah. He continued to work on his father's land until he was needed to lead the people in battle.

#wolfy tedtalks #anon #wolfy religious tedtalks #suicide tw

[catgirlbarbie]

!!! icky daydream i had but imagine <3 distant cousin chigiri hyoma♡ you and he were childhood best friends until he moved away, only for him to come back to your hometown years later, much older and different looking <3 you wouldnt with your cousin, right?

[notes/cw: none besides the obvious stepcest :3 ]

˗ˏˋ♡´ˎ˗ Your mother and his were sisters in law, having not met until quite a few years ago, however their friendship would show them to seem closer, as though theyve been sisters growing up together since children. since theyer so close, they spend time together more often than not, and so you spend time with your cousin more often than not...

˗ˏˋ♡´ˎ˗ You and Chigiri Hyoma have been friends since you were toddlers. you and he were conjoined at the hips, running up and down the streets you two lived on, playing football and always losing to him. his speed and quick wit on the field was something you could never live up to, not that you wanted to live up to him, simply that you wished he went easier on you. losing wasnt something you enjoyed, but seeing the overwhelming happiness and excitement on chigiris face was always worth the losses.

the two of you grew up together, were close cousins and best friends, you did everything with him. so, at the age of 11, when Chigiri and his family had to leave for Japan, you wished him good luck with tears streaming down your face, struggling not to sob in front of him and your family. the two of you hugged, swore you would keep in touch, and finally left each others side.

you wanted to keep in touch, you really did, but weeks turned to months, and suddenly it had been a year since you last contacted your beloved favorite cousin. chigiri didnt leave your mind, however other things began to take your interest more, you filled the gap he left with friends and hobbies, leaving football behind for dancing and art classes. highschool came and went, you were growing and moving on with your life, only occasionally thinking about how chigiri must be doing all the way across the world.

˗ˏˋ♡´ˎ˗ You were 22 when you got the news. it had stopped your heart when your mother told you, you simply couldnt believe it, was he really coming back? your mother had gotten the news that morning, receiving a call from her sister in law that their family was coming back to your home for a visit. you hadnt been given any other information, and so you waited for him.

it was only a few days later, you were still waiting, and after a long walk back home all you wanted to do was shower and possibly nap. that was your plan until you saw the unknown cars parked in your driveway, and you knew what that meant. finally, chigiri was home. your previous lethargy was forgotten and replaced with excitement as you walked into your home, the door feeling as if it was opening in slow motion, and you stepped through the passageway. picking up on the voices in the kitchen, you recognized some and two others sounded vaguely familiar. you creeped in, stepping into the kitchen to greet your family and finally, say hi to chigiri again.

˗ˏˋ♡´ˎ˗ "hey y/n, its been a while," that was chigiris voice, but it didnt sound like it. you noted so many differences in his appearance; he was taller now, slim and toned in all the right places, and that thought catches you off guard. its hard to stop however, you notice his eyes and hair the most, how beautiful he looks under the direct lighting. you think about how soft his hair must be, how nice his legs must look, how deep his voice has gotten, and you force yourself to look away from his eyes, lest you find yourself lost in those as well.

chigiri and his mother stayed for dinner, and you excused yourself from the table as soon as you were done. he had been staring at you the whole time, even asking you if you had a partner yet, and you couldnt stop the flush on your cheeks if you tried. you had been so excited to chat with him again, making up for lost time, so why were you so nervous? you couldnt understand why it was hard to talk around him, why his stare made you burn alive. it was all too complicated, and so you escape to your room.

its only an hour later when you receive a knock on your door, yelling at the other person to come in. you see pink hair slide through into your room, and you mentally prepare yourself. your cousin sighs, "why are you avoiding me? i thought... were you not excited to see me again?", he says this with a defeated chuckle. you look at him, his eyes look sad and he has a noticeable frown, and you want to just cry; why does he still look so beautiful? you shift your legs over the side of your bed, standing to make your way towards him. wordlessly, you give him the hug youve been craving for days, full of heart and longing, a rough squeeze that tells chigiri just how much you missed him too.

a kiss to your forehead and his hand rubbing down your back shifts you, makes you gasp, and your cousin holds you tighter against him. he pleads with you, "dont go, its been to long." you dont disagree with him, allowing him to hold you longer. the hug you share is warm, you can feel his body against yours and you cant help but make and mental note. you feel his chest rising and falling after each breath, its sturdy and strong. you feel his hair against your face, soft and feather light. you feel his hands on your waist, theyer solid and secure around you. his breath in your ear is the worst though, his deep heavy breathing being the only sound you hear, and quite frankly your not sure why hes breathing so heavily.

˗ˏˋ♡´ˎ˗ you pull back away from him, just enough to see his face, and you cant help the flush of pink that overtakes you. chigiris eyes look darker and your so close to him, his breath fans across your face as you take him in. "you okay dude?", you ask. at that, chigiri puffs out a laugh, "im.. im perfect." you note the look in his eyes, the smile he sports, as if hes innocent. you know that to be a lie, with the way your cousin turns you both around, pushing you up against the nearest wall, caging you against the wooden surface with just his body.

you stared at each other, too scared to kiss but not scared enough. chigiri leans in, his forehead resting against yours, your noses touching. you latch your hands into his hair, curling the strands of pink through your fingers, and you hear your cousin softly sigh with what sounds like relief, or perhaps contentment. you lean in, finally having had enough of all the tiptoe-ing, and push your lips against his. chigiris lips are softer than you expected, they feel perfectly molded against yours, and you dont stop him from forcing himself closer to you, as though he was trying to crawl in your very skin. his touch on your waist grew tighter, his hands slipping underneath your shirt to grab at your naked skin.

you could feel his tongue invade your mouth, finding yours to tease and suck upon, his touch on your waist increasing tenfold as he finds your braless tits, kneading the fat and pushing and pulling on your nipples. your cousin grew more ruthless as the seconds passed, pushing you harder into the wall, squeezing your chest to make you squeal and squeak, leaving behind lovebites on your neck for all to see. you moan his name by accident when his leg finds your clothed cunt, pushing his thigh against your sensitive mound, and you simply cant stop yourself from pushing your hips down against him, his hard and toned thigh feeling like heaven against your thumping clit.

[sorry for not finishing this !! i dont have any more eloquently enough thoughts for this, so i hope yall like this nanyways <33]

#bllk x reader #bllk smut #chigiri x reader #chigiri smut #tw stepcest

[melodygatesauthor]

Shut Up, Marc

Marc Spector X f!Reader

Part 2 of 28 in the February Fluff and Fuck 2023 Challenge

Day 2 Prompt - Friends to Lovers

Summary: After a bad breakup, you call your close friend Marc to come and pick you up. You don't feel like going home to be alone on Valentine's Day, so he agrees to take you to his place for the night.

Tags/Warnings: NSFW, smut, porn with some plot, Jake and Steven make minor appearances, mentions of reader's father w/ alcoholism and abusing mother (non-explicit), valentine's day fic, friends to lovers

Word Count: 4k

You were standing on the sidewalk outside of your, now, exes house with a river of tears falling down your cheeks. When you looked at your phone, you saw the time was 11:01pm. It was late, too late to call anyone. You were certain that in this small town there wouldn’t even be a cab available. As your mind raced through names of people who could help, you realized who you should’ve thought of first and foremost.

You remembered when Marc had told you, anytime you need anything, you just call me, alright? Surely it was too late, but you didn’t have anyone else you could think of that would come get you at that hour on Valentine’s Day.

Your mother had told you that Kevin was no good from the first day you’d met him, but you didn’t listen of course. You liked the way he made you laugh, and he was a damn good cook. None of that made up for the fact that just then, when you’d come over to surprise him for what was supposed to be the most romantic day of the year, you’d found him pressed, hips to ass with another woman.

With shaking hands, and blurred vision, you called Marc.

When he answered, he croaked out your name in his sleep drunk state, “...what’s going on? It’s…it’s past eleven at night. Are you ok?”

“M-Marc…” You whimpered, trying to keep yourself from sobbing over the phone.

“Are you hurt?” He immediately sounded awake, as though he wasn’t just woken from sleep. He was so intense sometimes, it took you off guard.

“N-no, Marc nothing like that.” You said.

“Then what is it?” He asked, concerned.

“I’m going to be at Bixie’s Crossroads, can you come get me?” You asked, voice cracking under your sorrow.

“Be there in ten.” He said, hanging up the phone.

You knew he lived twenty minutes from Bixie’s, but if Marc Spector said that he was going to be somewhere, he would be there, and he would be there on time or earlier. You felt cold, having worn only a cute and short dress in an effort to impress your now ex boyfriend. The heels you were in had you in agony as you approached the gas station where you’d wait for Marc. You hoped the blisters on your ankles would heal quickly.

Marc finally showed up and rushed over to you.

“Hey…” he said your name, “are you ok?”

You nodded, holding yourself tight and shivering. He immediately saw how cold you were and removed his coat, wrapping it over your shoulders before ushering you to the truck. After helping you into your seat, he got back in on the driver’s side and then started driving. You pulled your seatbelt over yourself and tugged his coat around you tightly.

“Was it that asshole Kevin?” He asked. “You know I always-”

“Can you please just shut up.” You said more harshly than you meant to.

“I have to ask…am I taking you home or…” He was timid when asking you a question after you’d snapped at him to shut up.

“I don’t want to impose, but I’d rather not go home so I don’t have to hear, I told you so, from my Mom too.” You crossed your arms over your chest and looked into the side mirror.

Your makeup was running down your face. It was such a mess that some had even spilled onto your cleavage. Marc was quiet for a while, you knew he was trying to think of something to say, and after a moment of calming down, you weren’t as upset with him when he spoke to you again.

“Jake is pissed off.” You looked over at Marc. “He is yelling at me to go fight the guy.” Marc chuckled.

“If I thought it would change anything, I’d let him.” You looked back out the window.

“I’m surprised you didn’t want Steven. He’s a lot better at this kind of thing you know.” Marc pointed out.

He was right. You’d known Marc and his alters for a long time, and of course you loved them all dearly and the roles they played in your life, but when you thought about who you really needed when you were standing outside of your ex's house in heaving sobs, it was Marc. Marc always knew how to take care of you, and he was the one you wished you could talk to.

You remembered being a kid, he was a few years older than you, and your dad was fucked up again, drunk out of his mind and taking it out on your mother. Marc was fifteen, you were nine. His father and your father had been friends, that’s how you’d met. You were sitting outside that night, listening to your parents fighting inside and Marc happened to be walking by on his way to the convenience store. He saw you, and walked over to you.

He didn’t say anything, he just held you on the doorstep and rubbed your shoulder while you cried. That was also the first time you learned about Steven. Saying Marc knew how to take care of you, meant that he knew how to make sure you were safe, and out of harm’s way. He didn’t like the parts that came after, the comforting and the telling you, everything will be alright, he didn’t think he should be the one to do that. He didn’t think he was good enough to be that support system for you.

So many times after that you would turn to Marc to help you when you needed him, and so many times he would rescue you from whatever issue you found yourself in, and so many times he would dip out when it got emotionally difficult to handle. Even then, as you sat in his truck while he drove through town, nearly at his house, you were waiting for him to go into hiding and let Steven take over.

“I need you, Marc.” You said, keeping your eyes out the window.

More silence filled the small space.

When Marc pulled into the driveway of his house, you both got out of the truck. You followed him up the driveway in your aching feet. You couldn’t wait to get inside and take off your heels, and you wished you’d worn something more practical. Marc muttered something unintelligible at his window, no doubt one of the boys still talking about you, while he fumbled with his keys before he finally opened the door and ushered you inside.

Warmth.

You felt the heat envelop you the moment you walked through the door, but you didn’t want to take off Marc’s jacket yet. You clutched it around yourself, feeling the fabric wrapping you in a sense of comfort and safety. It smelled like him, and that alone was enough to make you feel better.

“Do you want me to grab you some sweats and a shirt? Might be a little big on you, but it will probably be more comfortable than what you’re wearing.” He offered, dropping his keys in a dish on a table by the door.

“Yeah, that would be great, Marc.” You caught a glimpse of yourself in the entryway mirror and sighed heavily. “Actually, can I hop in the shower first? I’m a mess.”

“Oh, yeah, yeah sure. Bathroom is right down the hall over there. Towels are on the shelf in there.” He said, pointing to the left of the dining room.

Now you removed the jacket, handing it to him. You went to the bathroom and washed away the night. You washed away the makeup that had run down your cheeks after all the crying you’d done, and you washed away the perfume that Kevin had always told you was his favorite that you wore just for him. You were left with nothing but embarrassment, and frustration.

When you stepped out of the shower, you could hear Steven talking and he sounded upset. You had a feeling you knew why he had control now, and you were sure you’d find out for sure when you were finished in the bathroom. Steam billowed around you when you stepped into the hall, and you heard Steven stop speaking abruptly. They were talking about you. Of course they were, what else would they have been talking about?

You turned left and could see Steven standing in the living room holding a set of clothes neatly folded in his hands, outstretched to you.

“Hi, Steven.” You said, walking over and grabbing the clothes from him.

“Hi…” Steven said your name. “Marc is erm…”

“I don’t care. He always does this to me.” You started to choke up again, but you didn’t like making Steven feel bad so you turned away. “Thanks for these clothes.”

“Oh, don’t cry, it’s going to be alright, love.” He said gently, touching your back. “Look I tried to tell Marc that you needed him tonight, but he really insisted that he thought I was best for the job.”

“He’s always running away on me when I’m upset. I know it’s hard for him, but I need him.” You looked at Steven again. “I care about you Steven, and Jake too, but sometimes I just need Marc.” You let out a heavy sigh. “Nevermind. I’m just gonna go change and then head to bed I guess.”

Steven looked heartbroken for you as you stepped away from him and made your way to the bathroom again. You dried yourself and pouted at your puffy eyes in the mirror. This wasn’t how this night was supposed to go. You should’ve been curled up with Kevin watching a crappy movie pretending that you didn’t feel his erection poking your hip until he couldn’t stand it anymore and you let him take you in the bedroom. Instead you were listening to Steven arguing with the other two in the living room from the bathroom of their house.

When you walked out, he was hushed again, and looking at you softly. His cheeks were all red from the arguing. You could tell he was distressed. He hated arguing, and he especially hated it when the three of them were in disagreement. You imagined it must be hard to have three minds in one body all pulling different directions.

“Steven, you don’t have to argue with him anymore, I’m good.” You pressed your lips together tightly. “Marc, I know you can hear me. I get it, I want you to know I’m not mad, it just really sucks. I needed you.”

“For what it’s worth, you can talk to me if you need an ear, or you can just y’know, cry on my shoulder if you want.” Steven offered, looking now like he needed a hug.

You sighed, “I really think I’m just going to go to bed.” You insisted. “I’m tired.”

“There’s only the one bed now. The guest room is getting renovated, so you go ahead and sleep in my room. I’ll sleep out here.” He said.

“I’m not going to take your bed Steven.” You said. “I can sleep-”

“I insist. It’s much more comfortable and you had a hard night.” He wasn’t going to take no for an answer, that much was clear.

You nodded. “Alright then. Thanks Steven. I appreciate you so, so much.”

Of the three of them, you’d only hugged Marc and Steven, and Steven gave the best hugs by far. You would think that something like a hug, being from the same body, wouldn’t be any different regardless of who was in control, but Steven’s hugs were easy to melt into, like they softened every part of you. He was so warm.

“Keep your chin up, love.” Steven said, “you’re really amazing and you deserve better than whatever that horrible person did to you.”

“Thank you Steven. Truly.” You said, waving goodnight to him as you headed down the hall to their bedroom.

As you walked into the room, you felt a sense of sadness wash over you. You were alone again, and even your closest friend wasn’t going to be there to comfort you. You thought about going back out to the living room to take Steven up on his offer for a good shoulder cry, and even ask him to sleep in the bed with you, but you decided against it. You couldn’t give Marc the satisfaction of using Steven as an emotional sponge when he hid from you.

Ever since you and Marc had become friends, you knew Marc was like this, constantly wallowing in self-pity and self-loathing. You thought about the time that you two tried to date after you were nineteen and he had just turned twenty-five, and he quite literally told you that he was, too messed up to bring you down with him. He even managed to, through a night of painful sobbing of his own, tell you about the trauma that caused it all in the first place. Despite all of it, you still cared about him, and you still loved him and wanted to date him, but he refused to, as he put it, put you through that.

So the two of you had remained just friends through all that time. Over the years you got to know Steven and Jake too, and you cared for them as much as you cared for Marc, even though Jake could be a little rough around the edges at times. Right now though, you needed your best friend. You needed the man who had been there from the beginning.

He always felt like his comforting wasn’t good enough, and like you deserved a better friend. No matter how many times you told him that you didn’t need someone to hold your hand or dry your tears, that you just needed him to be there and let you talk, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Steven told you once that he thought seeing you upset bothered Marc so much that he couldn’t bear to see it without feeling the need to hide.

It didn’t matter now, he was out there, hiding from you, and you were in his bed, curled up under his blankets and wetting his pillows with your damp hair and still streaming tears. You froze when you heard the door open. You sat up and looked through the darkness and saw him standing there.

“Steven?” You asked, squinting your puffy eyes.

“No, it’s me.” Marc said quietly.

“Marc.” You said, relieved. “Come here, please.” You practically begged, holding up one end of the blanket and beckoning him to join you.

He walked over and got into the bed, laying his head down and looking at you. His eyes were so pretty, glistening in what little light the moon provided through the window above the headboard. He reached up a hand and wiped away a tear with his thumb. His hand stayed on your cheek. You smiled and leaned into his touch.

“I’m an asshole.” He said quietly.

“I know you don’t mean to be.” You said. “I know this isn’t easy for you, so thank you.”

“Come here.” He whispered, pulling you in tightly.

You nestled into his chest and wrapped your arm around him. You felt his soft breathing against your body, the beat of his heart was quick, but soothing. There was nothing you wanted more than to feel him like this forever. 

“You know, I can’t help but feel responsible for this.” He said after some time. 

You pulled back and looked up at him. “How? You didn’t have anything to do with it.”

“If I didn’t push you away all those times…” He groaned, “nevermind. You’d just be crying over something I did instea-”

You cut him off with your lips on his. It was likely he was going to push you away, and it was possible you were rebounding from what had happened with Kevin, but you didn’t care. This was what you needed right now, this was the comfort that you craved. His lips were just as soft as you’d imagined for all those years.

Marc tensed for a second, you were ready for him to shove you away in surprise, but he didn’t. Instead you felt him relax before wrapping his arms around you further. When the kiss finally broke, he just stared at you, looking from your lips to your eyes and back again before going back in. Your mouths melted into each other in sweet rhythm and repetition.

“I’m so sorry.” He said breathlessly.

“Marc, just shut the fuck up.” You said, going in for another bruising kiss.

You wrapped a leg over his and you immediately felt the hardness of his cock pressing against you. You’d had fantasies about fucking Marc before, back before you tried dating each other, and you never thought you’d actually get the chance to do it. You separated your lips from his just to place more kisses along his stubbled jawline. The moment your mouth touched the soft skin of his neck, you heard a quiet breathy moan escape him followed by a needy grind of his cock against your clothed cunt.

“Is this something you really want?” He asked. “I don’t want you to-”

“Marc!” You said, leaving his neck to look incredulously into his hooded and lusty eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, shut the fuck up Marc, I got it.” He closed his mouth over yours once more, filling you with his needy moans.

You felt his hands begin to explore from your back down to your hip as you returned your mouth to his neck. You were grinding gently against him, feeling your hand working its way down to his hip as well, and slipping into the waistband. He let out a shuttered breath when you started getting a little rougher with your neckplay, sucking the skin there between your teeth.

“F-fuck.” He whispered, churning his hips with a desperation for even the slightest friction.

“You like that, Marc?” You asked against his throat. “You like when I tease you like this?”

“Yeah, yeah I do.” His voice cracked.

You slipped your hand into the waistband further, gently running your fingertips over the shaft of his long cock. You felt him let out a soft whine as he became more desperate. He slid his hand further into your sweats as well. You hadn’t realized how wet you were until his callused middle fingertip touched between your folds. A sound somewhere between a groan and a whimper escaped you.

“Shit, you’re so wet. Damn.” He said, voice becoming more airy and hungry. He slid a finger into your hole. “And tight.”

“Think you can fit?” You asked, wrapping your hand around his girth. “You’re so thick, Marc.”

“I’m gonna try like hell.” He promised, now rolling you so that you were on your back.

You pulled your hand from his cock and reached again for his waistband, pulling eagerly in an attempt to free his erection from the cloth. He assisted you, getting his pants and underwear off before tossing them to the side as though they’d done him wrong. Then you took yours off quickly, trying to get him inside of you as soon as you could. Marc was the type that could change his mind in a moment’s notice, and you didn’t want him backing out now that he’d come so far.

Your legs were spread out under him, the cool air nipping at the wet folds. He brushed the head of his cock at your entrance, testing his size against your small hole. You weren’t a virgin, far from it, but he was bigger than anyone you’d had before, and you knew it would probably be a little painful.

“Will you let me know if I’m hurting you?” He looked at you expectantly.

“For fuck’s sake, Marc, please just-”

He grunted as he slowly pushed past your threshold and deep into you. You muttered an, oh, shit, as he pulled back out again and repeated the process. He sounded so good, groaning with every thrust to the hilt. You arched your back, trying to get him in as deep as you could. This inspired one of his hands to lift under the shirt you wore and latch to your breast. He pinched your nipple before kissing you more, stealing your moans into his mouth.

You wished now that you’d pressed harder when Marc pushed you away years ago. You wished that you’d fought him harder and made him see reason. Another thrust, deep and intentional, forcing your cunt to pulsate over him.

“You sound so good baby, your sweet moans are just…fuck.” He breathed heavily, grunting more, moving harder and faster.

He leaned back up, lifting his shirt up so he could watch himself as he fucked you. You could see it too when you leaned up. His thick length sliding all the way back, almost ready to drop out, before he pushed it back in slowly. You touched your hand to his abdomen, in love with the way it rippled with each fierce movement. There wasn’t a more beautiful sight, not one you could imagine, than Marc watching himself proudly as he filled your hole. His hair was disheveled at this point, sticking to his face, but he looked so good.

“Feels so good Marc, I don’t think I’m going to last much longer.” You whined, feeling your core heating the harder he fucked you.

“Good, I can’t wait to feel your pussy crushing my cock baby.” He was close too, you could feel it in the way his movement became more rapid, nearly bruising your cunt with the strength at which he slammed into you.

“I like it when you call me that.” You admitted. He dropped his shirt and turned his attention back to you.

“Good, that’s really good, baby.” His tone became dark and husky as he leaned forward and grabbed you tightly.

“Are you going to fill me, Marc? You gonna fill me with your cum?” You asked, feeling your climax rising inside of you.

“You want me to? I’d love that.” He buried his face into your neck. “Just tell me.”

“Yes Marc, I want you to…I need you to fill me up.” You begged. “I’m right there, I’m-oh.”

You trembled under Marc’s frame, your cunt doing just as he said he’d wanted and contracting down over his thick cock in a hard pulsating motion. You were making a sound between a scream and a groan. Marc didn’t waste time joining you, his body seizing as his cock throbbed inside of you, stretching you and filling you as full as it could. He stayed like that, holding you in an embrace that you wished would last a lifetime.

When he finally stepped back and climbed off the bed on wobbling legs, he left the room and came back a moment later with a towel. The way he tossed it at you…you knew it wasn’t him anymore. You knew he must’ve taken over when Marc walked out of the room. He crossed his arms over his chest. It didn’t matter to you that one of his alters was seeing you naked, what bothered you was the fact that it was…

“Jake. Give Marc back the body.” You demanded.

“So, are you going to tell me where Kevin lives, or am I going to have to track him down myself, cariño?”

AO3 LINK

TAGLIST (please let me know if you would like to be added or removed): @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction, @my-secret-shame, @welcometostayingawake, @jake-g-lockley, @campingwiththecharmings, @steven-grants-world, @lia275

#moon knight #moon knight fanfiction #fanfiction #moon #knight #moon knight fic #moon knight smut #marc spector #marc spector smut #marc spector fic #marc spector headcanon #marc #spector #jake lockley #Steven grant

[marner2tavares]

cardigan series: begin again❣️

cardigan masterlist

The game was amazing. You forgot how much you missed watching hockey. You avoided it like the plague since… well, you know. The Devils wiped the floor with the Sabres and you got to see Luke score a goal in the NHL. Not his first, but the first you saw in person. You were so proud. He invited you down to the family room after the game but you didnt go. What if Jack didn’t want to see you? What if he just ignored you? Your heart couldn’t take that. You figured going to the game was a big enough step for the night until your phone lit up as you stood outside the arena with a text from Luke. You let out a sigh as you read it. 

Come to the bar with us tonight I’d really like to see you

You can just imagine the look on Luke’s face if you don’t go, the look of him waiting around all night, looking for you every time the door opened. Against your better judgment you agree, and tell him you’ll meet him there. 

You take the Uber back to your apartment to freshen up a bit and wait for them to get done with all the press. You really didn’t want to get there before Jack. Or maybe, you pondered, it might be better to get there before him, you'd still have time to leave. But, if you got there before him, he could see you and turn right around and walk out. And that made your head spin in the worst way. 

You decide to wait until 11:00 before leaving, hoping they’d be well into their night and already a little tipsy. 

Pulling up at the bar Luke said they’d be at, you thanked your driver, but stayed put. You couldn’t go in there. What were you doing? You have talked to Jack, let alone seen him in the past 4 years. You missed everything you once wanted to be there for. His first NHL game. His first NHL goal. Every milestone you promised yourself and him you’d be there for. How could he ever forgive you with the way you left him?

“Excuse me, the ride is over.” He said, pulling you out of your anxious spiral. You blinked a few times and then forced a smile. 

“Right, sorry.” You said as you opened the door and exited the car. 

The building looked fun and lively. People in the windows at booths drinking and talking, smiling. You weren’t sure how much smiling there was gonna be tonight. As you took a breath, you decided this was a bad idea. You started walking down the street a bit, then back, then away, then back again. 

Turning away for the final time, you settled on a bar down the street. As you walked in and took a seat at the far end of the bar you pulled your phone out to text Luke. 

I’m sorry, Luke. I can’t do it.

A few minutes later, Luke texted you back. 

Where are you?

You texted him back the name of the bar but told him not to come. You didn't want to ruin his night more than you already had. 

“What can I get you tonight?” The bartender asked. You hadn’t even noticed she came over. 

You ordered a drink and fell back into your head. Spiraling on thoughts of being pathetic, drinking away the thoughts of reconnecting with your first love, how stupid you were to even go to the game, how you thought Jack was the one, how stupid you were to let him go, how if things were different you’d-

“Excuse me, can I buy you a drink?” You snapped out of your thoughts immediately. Normally, you’d say no and ignore them, but you could never ignore that voice. 

You turned over your shoulder to see Jack standing there with a smile on his face. You didn’t answer, too shocked to talk. Four years of your daydreams led up to this moment right now. Jack let out a small laugh before asking. 

“Can I sit?” You huffed out a laugh as you nodded 

“Luke gave me up?” You asked. Jack let out a laugh. A real one. The one you remember. 

“Yeah, kinda.” Jack ordered himself a drink and saw yours was empty. “What are you drinking nowadays?” 

“Just a vodka cran.” Jack laughed again. 

“An old favorite of yours.” You laughed and smiled, looking over at him, properly, for the first time in years. 

“I can’t believe you remember that.” Jack gave a smile and a small shrug.

“Of course I do.” He said it so sure. It made you think for a second, maybe he missed you as much as you missed him. The two of you talked for a bit, and it was going well, but the thoughts from before crept back into your head. 

“What’s wrong?” Jack asked. You dropped your head before replying quietly. 

“I don’t know why you’re even talking to me right now.” Jack tilted his head to the side. 

“What do you mean?” You picked your head up. 

“Like I don’t get why you came tonight.” Jack shrugged. 

“Because I wanted to.” You sighed. 

“But why? Jack, I-” 

“Tore my heart into a million little pieces? I know.” He laughed, which made you laugh. He thought for a second before he spoke again. “You know, it’s probably better that you did.” 

“What?” You looked at him in shock.

“When I got to Jersey, I was an idiot. I would have fucked up, and lost you and we wouldn’t be here, having this conversation right now. You’d just be gone forever.” You paused for a moment. 

“You really think that, Jack?”

“I do.” You replied in a heartbeat. You smiled at him and he smiled right back. There was a moment of quiet. 

“You know, I saw your graduation pictures.” He smiled. “You looked amazing. I was really proud of you.” You smiled and looked back at him. 

“I watch your games sometimes.” Jack’s face lit up.

“Oh yeah?” He questioned. 

“Yeah I do.” 

“How much?” He had a cocky smile on his face that you both missed so much and wanted to wipe right off his face. 

“Just when they’re on. I usually don't finish them.” You said quieter than the first sentence. 

“Get bored?” You scoffed without meaning to. 

“I never got bored watching your games, Jack.” You took a pause, unsure if you should say the next words. “It just hurt seeing you.” Jack took a breath.

“It hurt seeing you too.” Now it was your turn to take a deep breath. You felt tears sting your eyes. 

“I never meant to hurt you.” You said just above a whisper. 

“I know.” A tear fell down your face. 

“I was just young and-”

“I know” Jack wrapped an arm around you and pulled you into a hug. 

Once you calmed down, you started talking. About everything. Every little memory you had together. The good, the bad, the funny, the sad. All of it. Eventually the bartender came over and said the bar was closing. You slipped your jacket back on and Jack called you an Uber. Not wanting to overstep by offering you a ride. The two of you stood outside the bar and looked at each other. 

“I really missed you, Jack.” He smiled.

“I missed you too.”

It was a quiet moment on the sidewalk at 2 am. Just soaking in the little time you had left together for the night. He gave you his new number and eventually your car came. Jack opened the door for you and you got in. 

“Text me when you get home safe, okay?” Jack asked. 

“Yeah of course.” You smiled at him again as he smiled back and shut the car door. You looked at the new contact in your phone and smiled. Who would have ever known, in a tiny little hole-in-the-wall bar, you watch you and Jack begin again. 

#cardigan series #nhl fanfiction #jack hughes #jack hughes blurb #jack hughes fic #jack hughes imagine #jack hughes x reader #nhl imagine #devs lb

[noroi1000]

HIIIIII im back again about gojo traveling from the future can we get a fluff it has been said he was 4 hours in the future what would high-school gojo do during those past few remaining hours? Would adult Satoru confront him?

In a few years 2

"I know that look..." the adult Gojo said, watching the ajar wardrobe door in front of him.

You wondered why he said that.

But before you could ask him what he meant, you felt his teeth gently digging into the junction of your neck and shoulder. You closed your eyes letting out a soft moan. So was the slight pain that shot through your body, and the pleasure of his lips on your skin.

Why was your body so hot every time he touched you?

Why did you love even his little touch in that moment?

Your husband smiled even more when he knew the heart of the man in the wardrobe was beating a little faster.

Well, he really wanted to see how his younger self would react to this if he continued.

He could start undressing and caressing you right now. But because of you, he won't.

He couldn't live knowing he was doing something to you in front of a teenager.

So I guess he'll give up.

Even if he wouldn't mind being watched by someone, especially if that person is from his past. But you wouldn't like it.

So he could choose. Or he goes on and doesn't tell you that someone is looking at you, and then he will live the rest of his life knowing he didn't tell you the truth. Or he'll just tell you that his younger self is there.

In your condition, a confrontation between them would be better.

Later you can yell at him or try to beat him up. So talking is probably best.

He tried to remember how old he was when he picked up the gold watch.

Even though after returning to the year he was in, he didn't remember much of what happened in 2018. However, he did remember that he had traveled 11 years into the future.

So, logically, his person in the closet must have been 17 years old.

Perhaps soon 18 years old.

And basically he couldn't remember if he would remember the person who confronted him.

The conversation would be pretty cool.

Especially for you. That would dispel your doubts that you saw "someone like him when he was a teenager."

Your husband's hands suddenly disappeared from your body, and he turned you around.

He guided your face towards the wardrobe with his fingers.

And he started whispering something in your ear.

Young Gojo began to sweat in fear of being noticed. Even though he was older, he already noticed it. He couldn't think about how you might react to him.

At least it was better than wandering aimlessly around the city for 11 hours. Sooner or later someone would take an interest in him, because it's rare for someone to see a teenager walking around for 11 hours in one place, back and forth.

So I guess it's better to talk to you and the older him than to attract the attention of strangers and bear their eyes on him.

"Get out of there." He heard.

He looked at your faces.

The older one smiled slightly as he looked at him, and you were a little shocked as you stared at the large wooden piece of furniture in front of you.

Swallowing, he pushed the door open with his hand, parting the inside of the wardrobe.

And as he left there, he straightened up, finally being able to stand up without stooping.

You widened your eyes further as your husband smiled at the younger one, keeping his hands on your waist. Holding you close to his chest.

If you passed out from the shock, he could hold you and you wouldn't fall.

"Good morning..." the younger muttered, looking at you with a slight nervousness visible on his face.

"You're..." you muttered as you sat at the dining room table.

The dinner that was supposed to be prepared just for the two of you will be divided between three people. You've been waiting for your food to bake in the oven.

"I'm really from the past...I think." The boy said, keeping his hands on his lap under the table.

"I remember when I was your age I took a gold watch. Did you do that?" the 28-year-old asked, eyeing the 17-year-old with a slight smile.

"Yeah..." replied.

"Do you see, honey? He's definitely from the past! I did something like that too! In this world, there are an infinite number of same timelines! We are the same person!" He said enthusiastically.

"Satoru, stop talking about infinite dimensions... Just because you can understand it and master it with your techniques doesn't mean I can."

"Aww, come on. I'm just telling you how it is. Even I don't understand how this timepiece can transport someone into the future timeline!" he muttered, laying his head on your shoulder.

As the younger Gojo sat in front of you and stared at the scene, he thought that he wouldn't act like that.

A boy must be manly for a girl! You should be putting your head on his shoulder, not him on yours!

Or is it better and nicer? He's never hugged you or anything. Maybe he'll think it's better this way... Maybe laying down and cuddling up to you is even better if it's the other way around?

Besides, you don't seem to mind.

It really can be fun.

Just the thought of him giving you a hug brought a small blush to his face.

And this, of course, was noticed by the adult Gojo.

He kept smiling.

He had two and a half hours left.

So you two will eat dinner and talk some more.

But that didn't mean he wouldn't blush every time he saw his older self touch you somehow.

Even a little kiss on the cheek is the reason his face turns pink.

Especially when he went to the bathroom for a while to calm his thoughts and wash his face with cold water.

When he comes back, the first thing he sees is that you're standing at the kitchen counter, and behind you is your husband, who tilts your face back and tilts his head down, kissing you like this.

When you saw that the teenager was looking at you, you started to panic. You scolded your husband for making your boyfriend see this.

Even if they were the same people. It must have been a shock to him.

When you were finally able to look at him without shame, you saw him staring at you with sparkles in his eyes.

"Something wrong?" you asked.

"N-No... It's just... You're beautiful... Just like you are when you go to school with me..." He said blushing as he scratched his head.

"... Thank you..."

It was right after dinner.

He will soon be gone and will be in those times.

Well, you will have your husband and his younger form will come home. There was nothing sad about it.

"Remember kid, don't worry about her running away when you tell her you love her." Elder Gojo told him.

"I'm not a kid." He growled. And then he thought about the other one. "She's going to run away?"

"Yes. Because it was too much information all at once. Later she will come to you, and your dreams will come true. Think how you want. There was a lot going on on our birthday in that year...." He laughed strangely, signaling that there was A LOT going on there.

"You two will end up like us. And I think you're glad that you turned out to be her future husband."

He looked at your fingers as you looked at him. With a gold ring. Then he looked at his hand. Where the ring will appear in the future.

He suddenly walked over to you, hugging you tightly.

Even if he won't remember it, it was worth it.

#gojou satoru x you #gojo fanfic #satoru gojo #gojo x reader #gojo fluff #gojo x y/n

[it-was-too-cold-always]

Always Read the Fine Print Chapter 11

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10

Who actually reads all the terms and conditions? After mindlessly checking a box years ago, our Reader unintentionally agrees to be part of a scientific study to create super soldier babies. To make matters worse, her fellow test subject is the brooding and intimidating Bucky Barnes.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: SHIELD adds yet another layer of discomfort to Bucky and reader's relationship.

Warnings: arranged marriage, forced proximity, lots of angst, violence, PTSD/nightmares, panic attacks, language, SMUT 18+ only, oral fem receiving, unprotected sex, size kink, let me know if I'm missing anything

Your entire body buzzed with anticipation as Bucky pulled into the SHIELD parking lot. You spent the ride in comfortable silence, Bucky’s hand resting possessively on your thigh as he drove. It was enough to calm your nerves, at least until the car shut off. Then your anxiety flared up and your stomach did flips. Please god don’t let me throw up in his car, you thought. That would not be cute.

“Hey, look at me,” Bucky said softly, taking your hand in his. “Whatever happens in there, we’re a team. We can get through it together.” You nodded slowly, As long as you could stick with Bucky, you’d be able to handle whatever they threw at you. You could be brave.

Your bravery did not last very long. The moment you stepped into the conference room, you were whisked away to yet another exam room. Was Bucky nearby? Was he still in the conference room? You wished you at least knew where he was.

The nurses had you change into a gown and lay down on the table. They were shuffling next to you, setting instruments onto a tray in preparation for whatever was coming next. The moment you saw a huge ass needle, you decided it would be best to stare at the ceiling instead. Hadn’t they done enough poking and prodding?

After a few excruciatingly painful stabs to your cervix, the nurses instructed you to get dressed. It would’ve been nice if they told you what the hell they just did to you, you thought. You then realized it didn’t matter – you already signed your rights away.

When you got back to the conference room, Bucky was sitting alone at the long glass table. He stood immediately and walked over to you, placing a finger under your chin so he could study your face. “Are you okay? What did they do to you?” He was panicked. You looked like you were in pain, and that made him angry. He was the one that had to pay for his crimes., yet you were the one suffering the most.

“I’m okay, just a few pokes. A couple needles can’t scare me,” you lied, thinking you could comfort him. Bucky frowned. Kind of a stupid idea to think you could lie to the Winter Soldier. The truth was you were in quite a lot of pain, and you were terrified to find out what they just injected into you. But if you voiced all this to him, it would become more real. It was more calming to pretend like everything was fine.

Deciding not to push you further, Bucky pulled out a chair and motioned for you to sit. You didn’t protest – the pain was making you a little woozy. He rubbed your back gently as you both stared at the door, waiting for whatever was coming next. You jumped when the door finally opened. That abrasive woman from before walked in with her stupid pencil skirt and tall black heels. Following her were a couple men in suits and the man you recognized from before – Bucky’s lawyer.

“Good morning! Mr. Barnes, you look well. I hope that little farmhouse is living up to your standards.” She was mocking him. She really was the worst. Bucky grunted in response, not even looking in her direction. You hoped that made her feel disrespected.

“Well, I suppose we better get down to business. I assume you’re wondering what we did to your little friend here?” she asked, motioning to you. Her question was met with silence, so she continued. “I’m sure it’s no surprise that I don’t trust you very much, Mr. Barnes.” Bucky scoffed but she ignored him. “I had to ensure full participation in the study. What we injected into this young lady is a series of sensors. They’ll be able to tell us the exact moment sperm moves past her cervix.”

“The consent that Y/N and Sergeant Barnes signed allow no such devices to be implanted. You’re overstepping,” his lawyer cut in. You were so glad you had someone on your side.

“Oh Mr. White, I had a feeling you’d argue with me on this. Please refer to page 104, section 8. You’ll see that we have full authority to use whatever medical devices we deem necessary for the success of this study. I’m afraid we’re perfectly within our rights,” the lady retorted. “As I was saying, we’ll be notified the moment sperm moves past the cervix. You cannot play games with me, Mr. Barnes. If we do not get a notification at least once a day, you’ll be paid a visit, and it won’t be a friendly one. At least not for your little friend.”

Bucky’s jaw ticked and his fists clenched. They were threatening you, and it made him furious. He vowed he wouldn’t let anything happen to you. One day, he would kill every single one of these bastards. But for now, he had to do everything he could to protect you.

Back at the house, thoughts swirled around in your head as you fixed dinner. Sex with Bucky was amazing – life changing, really.  It was the most magical thing you’ve ever experienced. You were afraid to admit it, but you wished you’d get to experience it every day for the rest of your life. But having SHIELD know exactly when you were having sex, and how many times? Talk about an invasion of privacy. It made you feel incredibly uncomfortable.  

Bucky spent the entire meal trying to read your mind. How did you feel? Violated, he assumed, but he wasn’t sure if your opinion of him changed. You were suffering once again because of his actions. He was supposed to be the one paying for his crimes, not you. Rage bubbled up inside him as he watched you eat. There you were, offering a comforting smile with a mouthful of pasta. He didn’t deserve you. He was only hurting you. He was disgusted with himself.

You could tell something in Bucky’s demeanor changed, so you took his hand from across the table and gave it a squeeze. He wouldn’t even look at you.

“Bucky?” you whispered. He could hear the hurt in your voice but didn’t respond. “Bucky, what’s wrong? Please don’t shut me out.”

Hearing the pain in your voice, how you were begging him to open up, it broke his heart. He couldn’t bear to see you like this,

“I’m sorry, doll. I’m so sorry,” was all he could say. He wrapped you in a tight hug and buried his face in your hair. You weren’t quite sure why he was apologizing, so you just wrapped your arms around his slim torso and reciprocated the hug. He released you just enough to lean back to look at your face. “This is all my fault. I’m so sorry. You don’t deserve this.”

“Bucky…” You didn’t know what to say. He didn’t deserve this either. It wasn’t his fault, but clearly he feels guilty. Words wouldn’t come to you, but you had other ways to comfort him. You reached up and traced along his jawline. Slipping your hand to the back of his neck, you pulled him down for a kiss. You were gentle and cautious – one slow, meaningful kiss. You pulled back and searched his face. The deep lines in between his eyebrows were softening, and his eyes were lighter. The kiss must have eased some tension, but that wasn’t enough for you. You wanted him to feel good.

Leading him to the couch, you motioned for him to sit down. You knelt down in between his knees, moving slowly to see if he’d stop you. When he didn’t, you slowly unbuckled his belt, pulled down the zipper, and sprung his cock out of his pants. Your eyes widened and you instinctively licked your lips. You’d never get used to how big he is. You looked deep into his eyes as you ran your tongue from the base all the way up to the tip. His eyes rolled back and a moan escaped his lips. You swirled your tongue around his shaft, slowly taking in his cock inch by inch. Bobbing your head as you made your way down. What you couldn’t fit in your mouth, you rubbed with your hand. Your other hand was gripping his strong thigh for support. You lost yourself completely, so focused on how amazing he felt in your mouth. His hand was tangled in your hair, holding you firmly but not pushing down. You released his cock from your lips with a pop, looking up at him. He looked in complete bliss. He blinked, trying to get back to reality, and his eyes met yours. His look was sinful.

“Get up,” he demanded. You obeyed and stood in between his legs. In one swift motion, he took off your shirt and threw it across the room. He peppered kisses along your stomach as he undid your bra. His lips immediately found your nipple, while his hand mercilessly kneaded your other breast. He covered your chest in kisses and bites, sucking deliciously on your tender skin. The moans leaving your lips only encouraged him more. His hands were everywhere: the back of your thighs, up to your ass, your hips, your breasts.

“Bucky, please, I need you,” you panted, his touch alone making your body shake.

“I’m not done yet,” he replied, guiding you to the couch. As he spread your legs open, he kissed his way down to your core. Without any mercy, his tongue dove into your folds, sucking and running his teeth across your sensitive clit. He sat back on his heels and slowly worked his fingers into you, twisting and pumping his digits in and out of your pussy. “Such a good girl,” he cooed. “My beautiful wife.” His words alone sent you into a fiery orgasm. As you came, he increased his speed until he was finger-banging you into oblivion.

He kissed you deeply, quieting your incoherent mumbles and resetting your brain. You twisted your fingers in his hair and pulled his pelvis into yours, grinding shamelessly.

“Please,” you whispered. He chuckled.

“Alright, doll. I’m yours,” he replied, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he smiled. He slid his shaft into you slowly, letting you adjust to the size. You moaned loudly as he began thrusting his hard cock in and out of you. You desperately grasped his shoulders, trying anything to ground yourself. The sensations were overwhelming. But suddenly you remembered the sensors in your cervix. SHIELD was watching and waiting. You panicked.

“Wait wait wait,” you breathed, suddenly feeling extremely anxious. Bucky, on the verge of coming, pulled out immediately and climbed off you.

“What’s wrong? Did I hurt you? Talk to me, doll,” he was scared. Terrified, actually.

“I just…I…um…” you stuttered. “I don’t think I can do this. Not when I know they’re monitoring us,” you admitted. Bucky nodded his head and covered you with a blanket. He kissed the top of your head and went outside without a word. You felt like you had whiplash. The stark change from mind-blowing orgasms to the sudden panic of being watched, then Bucky just up and leaving. You weren’t sure what to make of it.

You waited for Bucky on the couch, but after a half hour or so, you decided he wasn’t coming back anytime soon. You waddled your way upstairs and got ready for bed. You heard a car door open and looked out the window – it was Steve, handing a paper bag to Bucky. You wondered what could possibly be so important that Bucky would just walk away from you to get this.

You were warm and comfortable in bed when Bucky burst into the room. “Doll, you gotta get up. It’s almost the end of the day and the sensors haven’t gone off yet,” he said hurriedly. It was true – the day was almost over and Bucky had not come inside you. You shivered at the thought of what they would do if you failed.

“Okay, you’re right,” you said solemnly. It made you feel uncomfortable, but you were sure the punishment would be even worse. You didn’t have a choice. The magic of sex with Bucky would completely disappear, but you had to do it.

Bucky grabbed your hand, gently kissed your knuckles, then set something in your hand. Confused, you opened your hand to look at what he just gave you. It was a long plastic syringe, filled with a white substance.

“Bucky?” you asked, eyebrows furrowed. What the hell was this?

“Semen has to pass your cervix. They never specified how,” he explained. “Leave it on the nightstand when you’re done. Goodnight, doll.” He walked out of the room and closed the door.

Chapter 12

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