#I don’t feel as attatched to all of them as I did in the original which I expected | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

multiplicity-positivity · 11 months

Note

Hello! Found your blog recently, and we kinda wanted to share our story. Sorry if this ends up being long winded :[

Also CW for {possible?} dormancy and faking/feelings of faking

So around the beginning of the month, I started suspecting that I was a system. At first, I just thought I was faking it, and was simply kinning my fictives heavily. Part of the reason I thought this was because 1) I have a very active and vivid imagination; I had an entire AU going on at one point, and 2) I have a tendency to get attatched to characters, then kin them, then project onto them like a motherf'er. I didn't hear anyone at the time, either. I was also having a gender crisis. Then it happened. Next thing I know I'm hearing voices and picturing my ‘members’ just walking around.

Within a week or so, about 4 of them just disappeared. Went ghost. Couldn't hear them, couldn't see them, they were just gone. I presumed they just went dormant. And yes, they are still ghost. Around the same time is when I thought I could feel some unknown member co fronting randomly. It just felt like someone was in the passenger seat of a car with 7 other people in the back. I also started developing some communication with everyone else via one of those fake texting story apps. I could hear them, I could perfectly visualize them and our ‘headspace’ {Which is just a blank void}, and I was talking with them. Nobody's ever been front except me {I think?}, but they exist. Sometimes. There are times when they're running around like rabid monkeys or helping me decide whether or not to go another night without sleep, and then there times where my head feels empty. Just hollow, like there's nobody else there.

Sometimes I still think I'm faking it due to my absurdly detailed imagination. But I will say-I've felt weird when suddenly being referred to with feminine pronouns as a whole, but I feel better when referring to myself with feminine pronouns separately from everyone else, and they also have different genders and sexualities, and it makes me feel better than labeling myself collectively, if that makes sense. I've already dragged out my whole life story, and I don't want to take up anymore of your time, so I'll get to what I came here for.

A new member popped up recently, she's a fictive from a song, and I have no idea where they came from. All I know is she just...Appeared. Didn't even say hello, just popped up. Are there reasons for any kind of alter to just appear out of thin air with no apparent cause or origin? Also, can someone's overactive imagination play a part in having a system somehow {Aside from headspace visualization}?

{Sorry this was so long :[ }

Hi! So we feel like having an active imagination can play a big part in being plural, if that’s how you choose to identify! There is a term - imagian - that describes headmates who are imaginary friends! Maybe this describes you and your potential system?

We will say that if you don’t suspect a dissociative disorder, then “alter” is not the right term to use. The term “alter” refers to an altered self-state or altered personality state, and is a clinical term meant to describe specifically parts of a system with a dissociative disorder like DID and OSDD.

If you’re questioning plurality at all, we always suggest ruling out trauma as a potential origin before considering anything else. We have some resources in our master post, which I’ll link below, that may help you learn more about dissociative disorders, how they manifest, and if you might have one.

In dissociative disorders, no, alters don’t really just “appear out of nowhere.” They split due to trauma, and function primarily by holding onto traumatic memories. Sometimes an alter may come forward during times of peace and safety, but they usually didn’t split right then - they just made themselves known after a long time in hiding.

But for other kinds of plurality, headmates sure can simply appear! Whether walk-ins, imaginary friends, or headmates with other labels or origins, lots of systems have headmates who simply joined their system with no easily discernible cause. And having an active imagination sounds like it could be a huge contributing factor for having a system of imagian headmates!

If you’ve only been suspecting you might be a system for around a month, it may take some more time before you figure out a solid answer. We can’t confirm or deny your plurality - that’s something only you can do! Please don’t rush this process; patience is really important when it comes to questioning something major like multiplicity! Take your time, do lots of research, and don’t jump to conclusions before you’re ready!

We hope this helps! Best of luck to you on your journey!

🌸 Margo and 💫 Parker

#imagian #questioning system #active imagination

13 notes · View notes

elizaxspears · 1 year

Text

The Most Beautiful DEATH in the World 2.5

So, I’ve just finished watching The Most Beautiful Death in the World 2.5 and I have to say, I was very highly biased towards not liking it because I was very attatched to the original actors HOWEVER, after giving it a chance, I’ve come to realise that it’s got its own charms that I quite liked!

The comedy was on point. Grell popping in during William’s opening speech caught me off gaurd considering I’ve heard the original one so many times and though I’m very fond of the original actors, the new ones have slowly grown on me the more I watched it.

The song changes were also welcomed, keeping it fresh such as Ronald’s rap during The Grim Reaper Dispatch Society or Grell’s extra fantasy with Sebastian and William during R-Rated. I also felt like the harmonizing during Checkmate was much better then the original. Overall, I’d watch it again! I do have some extra thoughts on the individuals chracters below the cut, but that’s about all I have to say otherwise!

Obviously there isn’t much to say about Sebastian or Grell since it’s the same actor who plays them both in the original and 2.5 and honestly, it was a good choice. You cannot find a more quintessential Grell then Takuya Uehara.

2.5 Abberline and Hanks were just great a comedic duo

2.5 Druitt was, something. He captured the anime Druitt too well lol Certianly wanted to shut him up a few times but in a “he played the character how he was meant to be played” type of way

Now, Teruma as William. At first, I was very much a Takuya Nagaoka stan when it came to actors portraying him just because I thought Takuya had more of the William look but Teruma has grown on me considerably and his facial movements feel very William, like the twitch of the eveybrow or flick of the eyes and tensing of the body whenever someone touched him but he also had a lot more energy then Takuya did when dancing or figthing which maybe not how William would act, but it was far more entertianing to watch. I think my own personal gripe would be his voice gets a little more rough or gravely at times but it wasn’t all the time and overall, he has a really nice voice that I think fits William well. Being my favourite character, my eyes were often on him to say the least

For Ronald, I’m still slightly biased toward Yosuke Crawford. He had the voice and look down to a T in my opinion but again, Takuya Ide grew on me as I contiued to watch. His extra interactions with Grell, Eric and even William were very welcomed and he certianly brought more energy to the character which made him very enjoyable to watch. My favourtie part from him had to be during the Opera scene where he just collapses exhausted to the ground until William calls for him and he instantly pops back to his feet with a little “oi”. It was so cute and a very Ronald thing to do. While I still prefer Yousuke, Takyua is right below him

Alan is a bit of a strange case. For the longest time, Matsumoto Shinya was my Alan. I couldn’t see anyone else playing him and for the first bit of the 2.5 musical, it remained that way but slowly, I began to like Masataka Nakagauchi’s portrayl. He was a little more stern then his original counterpart who was more soft but also a bit more extroverted if that at all makes sense. His voice suited Alan and I like how he portrayed the Thorns of Death more the the original Alan. Hearing him sing The Crevice Between Life and Death was the nail in the coffin for me, he sounded so good singing Alan’s theme.

Lastly, Eric. Shinji Rachi is a good actor and a great singer but I just can’t see him as Eric. He’s always looked too young to me while Taisuke Saeki is THE Eric Slingby. He had the looks, the voice, the act, he just pulled off Eric so well. I found Shinji’s voice to be a little softer and lighter while Taisuke’s voice was able to be soft then strong and he pulled off the more “I don’t care but actually I care a lot” attitude Eric gives off plus I’m also a little more bias toward the original actors duet. So again, Shinji does a good job at what he set out to do but Taisuke will always be the Eric for me

And that’s it. Just my opinion’s on the whole thing but I’m glad I watched it. As I said above, I’d gladly watch it again and maybe after a second viewing my opinions will change! The 2.5 cast looked like they had a great time and were having great fun during the bowing segment! Either way, The Most Beautiful DEATH in the world contiues to be my favourite musical out of all of them and I’m glad we got Alan and Eric out of it!

#kuroshitsuji #black butler #the most beautiful death in the world #alan humphries #eric slingby #william t spears #ronald knox #grell sutcliffe

15 notes · View notes

nerdasaurus1200 · 2 years

Text

#i don’t know how to say this#neither are healthy and id argue neither are sisterly either#Vi did a lot of ignoring or at least not addressing Powder’s issues when they were kids#Both of these relationships are messed up by some kind of onesided attatchment#I personally think Cassandra has lots of gay subtext#regarding her feelings towards Rapunzel#while Jinx has… issues surrounding Vi that have gotten to a critical point#so. maybe also gay subtext there. albeit taboo#something about her obsession with getting rid of Cait and Cait specifically#you’re definitely right about Rapunzel trying to handwave away a lot of Cass’s issues though#both have issues w/ feeling inferior to the person they’re unhealthily attached to#which neither Vi nor Rapunzel really recognize properly forget about address#Anyways. I don’t see Cassandra as a sister to Rapunzel at all. They grew up separately and met as adults. They’re not related#Jinx and Vi have like the opposite situation lol#it’s an interesting comparison!#Vi is indeed trying. And that’s worth something#unfortunately she’s a. the wrong person to try and help b. completely out of her depth to actually do good#so I guess I don’t disagree that her approach is better than Rapunzel’s#but I wouldn’t call Rapunzel & Cass sisterly#and Jinx and Vi are sisters but their relationship isn’t? it’s not even friendly at this point#I do see Jinx’s actions @ the end of S1 like a parallel to Cass taking the moonstone#it’s an attempt to sever that relationship but in both cases the other party doesn’t want that to happen - @kombucha-drunk

Oooh yes, I've been waiting for someone to argue this.

I understand what you mean, but mind you I didn't say Vi and Jinx's relationship was healthy. I just said it was healthier than what Rapunzel and Cassandra have. Which is true because Jinx and Vi have never treated each other the way Rapunzel and Cassandra treat each other.

Second of all, Vi didn't ignore anything on purpose because she had literally no idea just how screwed up Powder was. Also, keep in mind that Vi was a kid too when the explosion happened. Do you expect a kid to keep a level head in a situation like that, finding out your entire adopted family is dead and your own sister is responsible for it? That's a ridiculously unfair thing to ask of Vi. Not to mention, like I said in my original post, Vi didn't know the issues and neither does Powder. It's impossible to fix a problem if you can't really grasp or define what the problem exactly is, and that is not the fault of either of them. However, Vi does desperately want to help by the time she's set free by Caitlyn. Literally as soon as she sees a trace of Powder (the flare scene), she gets there in RECORD time and INSTANTLY starts working to make things right.

Thirdly, gay subtext has nothing to do with either duo. That's completely irrelevant. Cass is not remotely in love with Rapunzel, the "gay subtext" is based on a lie. And Jinx is convinced that Caitlyn is trying to replace her as Vi's "sister" figure, the one she spends all her time with and trusts. And while Caitlyn does kinda fuel the rift between Jinx and Vi, she's not even close to the main reason they drifted apart and are still estranged.

Fourth of all, I understand that you don't see Rapunzel and Cassandra as sisters. I get it, a lot of the fandom doesn't see it that way. But they ARE on the most base level because they shared a mother. Keep in mind that family isn't always blood. Not to mention, Rapunzel has stated on two separate occasions that she thinks of Cassandra as a sister. Do I think the feeling is mutual? No, of course not. I think Cassandra wants nothing to do with Rapunzel and it'll stay that way for a long time. But Rapunzel thinks they're sisters and you can't exactly ignore that little nugget of information. I do agree with you to a certain extent that Rapunzel and Cassandra aren't sisters because Rapunzel shows little effort to actually treat Cass like a sister she loves, but I'm not gonna go so far as to completely ignore canon.

#arcane #lol #league of legends #tts #rta #tangled #tangled the series #rapunzel's tangled adventure #nerd talks #cassandra #rapunzel #jinx #powder #vi

8 notes · View notes

berkowitzbrat · 3 years

Text

Berkowitz and the Inverted Electra

Hello! Well, this is where i’ve been all this time. This post required a lot of sourcing and research, and therefore a lot of time, because it’s very theoretical. Anyway, here’s my magnum opus. Enjoy.

An Electra Complex is defined by the psychosexual relationship between a girl (or, in the ‘inverted’ sense, a boy) and her (his) mother, coupled with a sexual desire to possess their father. Oedipal and Electral urges originate during the Phallic (3rd) stage of psychosexual development.

As a male, Berkowitz would be expected to cleave to the Oedipal urges to kill his father/possess his mother; however, I don’t think this is the case. The Phallic stage takes place between the ages of 3-6 years old, around the time that Berkowitz was informed of his biological mother’s death, and his biological father’s abandonment of him. This, coupled with the continuous image of death surrounding women as he was growing up [1], helped to solidify this inverted Electral urge, the fascination with death&women and possession&men. In terms of possession and men, Berkowitz would have thought that only his biological father was still alive, and this developed (particularly later in his life) a great need to find his father, to reclaim some part of himself, and rid himself of the guilt he felt for driving his father away after (as he thought) killing his mother [2]. Another scenario during which he exhibited possession&men linked directly to death/control&women was when he would be taken to indoor pools and witnessed the thrall and power which men held over women, particulalry in situations in which there is sexual subtext, such as changing rooms [3].

So, great. He’s attracted to the same sex (more on this later) and death&women are interdependent concepts for him. What next? For Freud, it’s the Latency stage. This stage begins at age 7 and continues until puberty, which for boys is around 12/13 years old. This is the stage at which the Oedipal/Electral complexes begin to dissolve in order to decrease the tension and take on their gender role (whatever that may be) as the child realises that sexual gratification exists without, not within, their parents. At this stage is usually when the child begins to become more comfortable with the same sex parent--but David has always been more attracted to the idea of his biological father, as it is all he has. It could be said, then, that the Electra complex was forced upon him by circumstance, the circumstance of his adoptive-father’s lie about his biological parents. Regardless, Berkowitz eventually becomes very close to his adoptive mother, Pearl, and began to vie for her attention, such as poisoning her parakeets in order to have nothing to compete with for her affection [4]. The typical progression of Berkowitz is entirely inverted in terms of Freudian psychosexual stages. This is a stage of negated sexuality, hence the attatchment, traditionally, to the parent of the same sex, and to make friends of the same sex; however, because Freud’s an asshole, he doesn’t consider that ✨homosexuality✨ is a concept and thinks that all children must go to the parent/friends of the same sex as sexuality cannot be prompted here. But we can take liberties here because we live in the real world. There’s nothing abnormal about Berkowitz, he was just following the pyschosexual stages as somebody interested in the same sex.

Woah! You say. But he killed women because of pent-up sexual frustration! The gun is his penis!

Sure. For most; but I’ve always felt that Berkowitz did things a little bit... differently.

The Genital stage, or the final stage, begins at puberty (12/13) and continues/ends into adulthood. As traumatising as Pearl’s death was for David, her death coincided perfectly for her metaphorical death in the psyche of 13-year-old David. During the Genital stage, sexuality is no longer ‘hidden’ (latent), and rather becomes a thing necessary to be fulfilled for emotional release. Attention turns once more to the gender in which one is interested, and David, growing up in the culture that he did, turned to women. At 15, he had his first sexual experience, a blowjob, and sources (unknown) state that he preferred ‘oral sex and petting over regular intercourse’[5]. It would be plausible that he perhaps came to prefer this, considering his one known experience with ‘regular intercourse’ resulted in a venereal disease, but I’ve always contended that maybe he preferred so-called ‘petting’ due to his... less favourable position with heterosexuality. But, as I said, I feel as if David did not explore, or rather felt he could not explore, his sexuality until later on in his life (and, even then, due to his Baptist beliefs, promoted homophobic views because, y’know, Christianity and being born in the 50s) and was, in fact, more interested in men than women. If this is grabbing at straws for anyone, I will mention his ‘homosexual fling’ [6] with inmate Gary Evans, who was long suspected to be bisexual/homosexual due to his collecting of gay magazines and, according to Hugo Harmatz, ‘love letters’[citation needed] from Berkowitz stashed amongst them.

An addendum about Berkowitz’s latent stage: when he was around 10 years old, his parents had sex whilst he was in the same bed [8]. What could be more confusing, traumatising, and shaping, than your parents doing... that... during one of the most sexually devoid periods of your life! I believe this shaped his view of performance hugely. He was shown, at a formative period, that it was okay to perform in a sexually motivated manner whilst other people were around--non-consenting other people, at that. I believe that this is the reason he took his killing out into the open. It was a sexual thrill, the killings. It was heavily related to the sexual negation of wanting to kill your mother in order to possess your father. I am by no means saying that this is Berkowitz’s 100% proven, uncontestable motive, but the ideas of psychosexual analysis seem to apply to him in an accurate and very curious way. The traditional, heterosexual view of these stages do not match up to his psychology, but the homosexual interpretation does.

So, we move forward to his early 20s. He returns from Korea, looking for his father, the only piece of his biological existence he believes to be alive. He still wishes, all these years later, to possess the father--the destruction of the woman has only intensified after multiple failed attempts at dating, a horrendous virginity-loss experience, and the frustration surrounding an attempt at heterosexuality. But, here we stand: his biological mother is alive, and his biological father is the one who is dead. How terribly, terribly confusing. And still, Berkowitz attempts a relationship with his biological mother and half-sister. This goes south, however, when he discovers that he was given up due to being born out of wedlock, and he drops contact with his biological family.

The disollusionment is unfathomable. His biological father, his raison d’etre, is dead. His adoptive father has moved to Florida with his new wife: this new wife has fulfiled Berkowitz’s Electra Complex, in his mind, at least. Kill the mother. Take the father. His biological mother is not who he wanted to have. His adoptive mother is dead. What is left? A display of fulfilment, sexual fulfilment, as public as it has always been shown to him--through the bedroom of his parents, through the public changing rooms. Murder on the streets. Getting to kill a woman as he always thought he had been decreed to from birth, from his first supposed mother, his biological mother.

(bibliography under the cut. thank you for reading)

Bibliography:

Radford University: Berkowitz, David [3, 8]

Simply Psychology: 5 Stages of Psychosexual Development

Tumblr/Berkowitzbrat: Exploring the Why [1]

Tumblr/True Crime and Cannibalism: David Berkowitz’s Timeline [5]

Westchester Magazine: David Berkowitz’s History in Westchester County [4]

Wikipedia: Phallic stage, Latency stage, Genital stage

Wordpress/Can’t Stop the Bleeding: How to Stuff a Wild Bikini [6]

Youtube: David Berkowitz: In His Own Words (1/9) [2]

And here’s my whole folder of resources for general Berkowitz reading materials and media: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1VKlZJwRR4bpoPzO7AejAMtAJaVoBGuTg

#psychology #david berkowitz #son of sam #holy shit i'm back!!!#freudian elements #freud #analysis #electra #oedipus #adoptive parents #biological parents #discourse welcome

78 notes · View notes

7soulstars · 3 years

Note

Hello :) I hope it's okay to send a request (if not, then I'm sorry about it ) So maybe where Bucky lives on Clint's farm to get away from everything but then there comes this woman, Clints best friend besides Nat and he immediately wants to know her better.. after a while they get really close and develope feelings for each other but dont talk about it. So one night, she stays over and needs to share a room with Buck, things get heated and passionate between them ? :) then it's all cuddly? ❤️

Hey darling! Thank you so much for requesting! I am so sorry it took me so long! I blame it on my lazy ass and also on the many pending requests. Thank you so much for being this patient with me! I really hope you like this one!

Мой целитель

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Broken Bonky Babie, Avengers are teasing little shits, Steve leaves like in the movies and doesn’t come back (I want to kill him for that), Fluff, Shy Bonky and Y/N, Liddle angst, Both idiots doubt themselves, Y/N likes beating the fuck out of bullies a.k.a Violence, steamy stuff but not smut ( cuz I don’t write smut”

Summary: Someone managed to make Bucky accept the fact that everyone can heal.

..............

Мой целитель ; (pronounced: Moy tselitel') Russian for My Healer

War never ends. It just rests. One day someone will come to ask your help that is when the rest of war is over again.

That is what Bucky has always been of the belief ever since before and after endgame. Ever since Steve left, most of Bucky did too. Yes, he had Sam and the others but Steve was the only part of his original past left and he couldn’t even stop him.

He decided that the rest period for his war conflicted heart had started when Clint had offered him a place to live at his farmhouse to ‘heal and stay away from the space bullshit’.

Not to brag but he had fit right into the little family. The kids loved Uncle Bucky and Laura appreciated the extra help she got with the house. Sam and Natasha would come by every two days and the rest every once a week. They would go visit a bar and hang out. That was Bucky’s life now. That was his routine.

Clint had sudddenly announced one fine weekly team hangout day that his long time best friend would be joining them. Bucky couldn’t care less. He had seen people come in and out of the Barton house all the time. Most sending him glares due to his past. He couldn’t blame them. Not when he knew he would do the same in different set of circumstances.

But he was proved wrong. Y/N was an angel. More so to him. Not a single glare was directed at him by her the entire time. She just smiled sweetly. Maybe he did care a little bit.

Y/N turned out to be Lila and Cooper, Clint’s first two children’s godmother. She had finally come home after 15 years of being in and out of the country for her job. Clint had mentioned that every time she came back she would first visit the kids not forgetting to bring them gifts from everywhere and how the snap had worried her. So Bucky was not surprised when he had to get three kids off of her as she entered the house. His heart swelled when she said ‘Thank You’, although everyone said that.

He was unusually getting attached to her and that scared him.

After Steve attatchment was difficult. Trust was difficult. But Y/N made it seem like child's play. She somehow completely saw through him. Almost as if she knew everything about him and he was confused by that.

Especially at those little moments when he felt hesitant.

Bucky was a handsome man no doubt and that meant some women were confident enough to ask hit on him everytime he was out at a restaurant or a bar with the others. Y/N would join them quite often and on one such day she saved Bucky from his anxiety issues.

"Hey.....you come here quite often.....can I buy you a drink ?", a very confident girl had managed to come up to the table and asked Bucky who looked at her with eyes as blown out as big as saucers and immediately looked down stuttering as he tried to politely reject the lady. A hand carefully wrapped around his metal arm as he realized Y/N had said "I'm sorry he's taken", before sending the girl as kind smile which had lead to Bucky's hair-hidden neck to go red.

Bucky had excused himself to the washroomas the rest relentlessly teased his popularity but he had not noticed Y/N following suit.

"I'm sorry", she had apologised leaving the other puzzled again. "W-why?" "I should have asked before touching you....I know-I know you don't like being touched....I'm sorry". There was pure sincerity in her voice "NO!",his own voice startled him and her as she looked at him in confusion. "I-I mean I'm glad....You helped me out there......Also.....",there was hesitation in Bucky's heart, "Also....I don't mind if you touch me Y/N".

That day onwards something changed. Significantly so, Bucky found himself calling and hanging out with Y/N more. She filled his thoughts would be one way of saying that and the Avengers noticed. So the next time Bucky tried to sneak out of the farm when the others were there Sam noticed, “Hey Hey Hey ! Where are you sneakin to ?”. The other stood frozen like a deer in the headlights staring down at his best friend like he had been caught doing something he shouldn’t be. Nat smirked as she bit on her grilled cheese sandwich sing songing, “He’s going to meet Y/N~~”Bucky grumbled a little ‘Shut up Nat’ before taking the car out towards the bar.

“Buck !”, she had yelled waving as he smiled and pulled her into his arms for a hug and staying like that for a few minutes both eventually hesitantly letting go. Joe the bartender already having set up their regular drinks showed how often they frequented the place, even having seats that were almost always empty for just the two of them.

After meeting Y/N, Bucky realised new things about himself. He liked sweet stuff more than savoury. He liked playing games at the arcade. He was definately much more open to technology than Steve ever was. He liked being spoiled and babied. And he was extremely serious about board games. He knew all this because Y/N made him realize that.

That day he found out another thing. He likes staring at Y/N looking at the sunset. In other words he likes Y/N. But he had promised himself to not act on it. He didn’t want to loose her. Not now, not ever.

Walking through a dark alley way was not something Bucky liked but with Y/N it was something he was starting to hate. Y/N is beautiful. Obliviously so. He could sense sleazy men staring at her but chose to stay put. But we all know that rouse wasn’t going to stay put for long considering a group of 3 men surrounding the two of them all eyeing Y/N. “Hey sweetheart why don’t you come with us ? We counld have a darn sweet night”, exclaimed the one that looked like the leader as the other two laughed behind him. “Back off”, Bucky had warned. He didn’t want to fight. He felt like he’d embarrass himself before Y/N. “Ohhh look who it is The Winter Soldier”, the other said mockingly. “What are you going to do? Kill me? You don’t have Captain America now to back you up do you ?”. Before Bucky could even reply the third guy let out a scream at which everyone turned to look at him to see him cradling what seemed like a freshly broken wrist and before he could even react the second one went flying into a pile of trash (where he belongs) and the main commentator’s head was being bashed strait onto the road by Y/N’s hand. “No, but he does does have an ex-black ops now turned into a CIA Agent to back him up”, she quipped seethingly through her teeth.

Bucky said nothing. His brain was still processing the information he was bombarded with. He walked Y/N to her car and drove back to Clint’s all while still processing.

So when Sam (who was just about to leave) asks “How was it ?” Bucky looks him in the eye and goes.

“I’m in love with Y/N.”

Tony had decided to prank Clint one fine day and told everyone that Clint was hosting a sleepover. So that meant Clint had to accomodated several idiots into his farmhouse. Within this chaos he also had a very great idea.

So when Y/N was pushed into Bucky’s room both stopped functioning.

Y/N spotted him angrily whispering into is phone as she got out of the shower. Throwing his phone into oblivion ,startled, when she called name out suddenly. “Y-You’re done ? Uhhhh you can take the bed doll, I’ll take the floor”,Bucky hates the floor but if it meant Y/N would be comfortable, he’d be ready to sleep on a block of ice. “Nope definately not ! We can share the damn bed Buck the floor uncomfortable !”, she argued. “ No Y/N you don’t understand I can’t !” “WHY! IS IT BECAUSE I MADE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE AFTER THAT DAY ?”, there was a grave silence between the two. He knew exactly what she was talking about. Bucky’s eyes soften and for the first time he realizes that he had never thaken the effort to know more about Y/N. He was focused on her helping him find himself. “Why would you say that ?” ,he said softly as he moved towards her and she moved backwards. “Because it is what it is isn’t it?”, she retorted. “NO IT IS NOT !”, Bucky sighed as he sat on the bed and watched the woman of importance as she paced around the room. “Why then Bucky ? You’ve been distant from me since that day....” “You won’t understand.....” “Try me” “I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU OKAY !”

12 minutes. It had been 12 minutes since Y/N had froze and stared at Bucky.

“Shut up. You’re lying” , she finally said.

“What ? No ! Why would I lie about that”,Bucky argued

“Because ! You are James Buchanan Barnes ! One of the most attractive men I have seen in my life period.”

“And here I’m the one firmly believing someone like me doesn’t even stand a change with someone as pretty as you.”

“See, you’re lying again”

“Doll, shut up before I will have to make you”, he warned

“Don’t make empty threats that you won’t fulfill James”, she challenged.

And with that Bucky has Y/N slammed into the bed , his mouth moving roughly along her’s as she puts her arms around his. There was something different about this Bucky. Y/N felt every single pent up frustration that the man kissing her had felt supressing his feelings had felt.

Soon enough they seperated, finally gasping for air. Bucky plopped beside Y/N as she placed her palm on his cheek rubbing a thumb over it while smiling at him blissfully.

“Take my hand

Take my whole life too

For I can't help falling in love with you”

“I love you...”, she said and somehow Bucky knew he had tears running down his cheeks. He curled into her arms. Clint’s loud speakers playing Elvis as the two dozed off to sleep. But Bucky waited for her to doze off, kissing her forehead as he ran his metal arm through her hair.

“Мой целитель, I love you too”, he said.

He wasn’t alone anymore. He was healed. His internal war had ended forever. That’s all he ever wanted. That’s all he was thankful for.

---The End---

Guess who almost cried writing this fic? That’s right! ME. Now I need myself a Bucky to hug. I really hope you liked this fic and I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH ON HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE YOU BEING SO PATIENT WITH ME! Please like, share, comment and reblog if you like my work to support me ! Please do not plagarise my hard work and thank you so much for reading!

~Love, Hri

#ask hri #ask response #ask reply #james bucky barnes #Bucky Barnes #bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes fanfiction #marvel x reader #mcu x reader #avengers x reader #ask me anything #SEND REQUESTS #send me asks #send asks

90 notes · View notes

igarbagecannoteven · 3 years

Note

hello hello i saw the writing ask game but did not know which one to send so i'm gonna go with the freebie question AND bonus will you tell me more about your superhero malum au?? i like it a lot and i wanted to hear whatever you have to say about it! where the idea came from, why malum, why calum as the superhero, which installment was your favourite to write (you don't Have to answer all these i'm just curiosu and giving you directions in which to answer in case you need them kbdfd!!!) - taylor <3

hi taylor!! thank you for showing superhero malum au love 🥺 you don't know the monster you just released by asking for what i have to say about it bc i have so many Thoughts klsjfkjsdjd so thank you for giving me the excuse to talk about it <3

25. freebie! what question do you wish i had asked? answer it here! well since you asked my dream questions about superhero au i'm just going to tie one of my answers to your other questions to 12. where do you commonly find inspiration to your stories? about 80% of my fic ideas come from hearing a song lyric and saying to myself, 'that would make a great fic title! now what kind of fic would i have to write in order for the title to fit?' which is maybe not the most orthodox way of coming up with ideas but it works for me lol. the idea for my superhero au came from the song "the last of the real ones" by fob. ever since i heard that song i've wanted to write a superhero au for it, but i never had the medium for it until i started writing 5sos fic. (the title idea was "i know this whole damn city thinks it needs you (but not as much as i do)") (yeah it's long i know) i love superhero stories as a concept but often don't enjoy the way they're executed (i find action/fight scenes boring and would rather focus on the psychological impacts that would come with having that kind of life). i came up with a (very) rough outline for a songfic but quickly realized just how long and difficult a project it would be, so i set it aside. (i have a rule that i don't work on more than one longfic at a time.) but the au kept niggling at me and then one day while listening to 'hate it when you see me cry' i thought about how that could fit into my superhero au, and the rest, as they say, is history!

okay i'm going to put the rest of my answers under the cut bc it got long and i do not have enough self control to cut any of it.

why malum? well when the whole au came into my head, it was at first about how hard it would be to be in love with a superhero who you know is putting their life on the line for people who maybe don't appreciate them, while also having to muddle through whether or not they feel the same way as you do. i think it would be hard to tell if someone who gives everything they have to everyone is really in love with you because how do you know they wouldn't do this for other people? anyways when that idea came into my mind i automatically went to malum. to me, as a pairing they fit the old friends to lovers trope the best and also tend to work well with mutual pining, so it seemed like the most logical fit. when i was planning to turn it into one giant songfic i thought that not all the lyrics reflected their relationship so i thought it would be cool to maybe have two parallel love stories side by side, one friends to lovers and one enemies to lovers. that threw me for a loop for a bit because i don't think of lashton when i think enemies to lovers, and so there was a moment when i seriously considered changing the pairings to be friends to lovers cake and enemies to lovers mashton (i know everyone tends to jump to muke for enemies to lovers but i was already attatched to ashton as the superhero who started first and also thought it'd be a more original concept to have enemies to lovers mashton since the difference in dynamic could be cool to explore) but in the end i just couldn't get cake to fit the dynamic i wanted for the friends to lovers plot (not that i think they don't work well as friends to lovers, i just didn't think their dynamic would fit the concept i was going for very well) so in the end i went back and looked at the enemies to lovers plot and realized how i could pretty easily make it work as a lashton story. (and who knows maybe someday i'll write a different superhero au with enemies to lovers mashton, it just won't be in the same world as this au.)

why calum as the superhero? to be completely honest i don't really remember why i came up with that idea. i just pulled up my outline (i don't like to delete ideas so it just has the things i threw out striked through instead of deleted) and when it was cake friends to lovers luke was the superhero so who tf knows. honestly it was probably just a gut reaction to what i thought fit their dynamic better, and also i tend to find michael's perspective easier to write and i think in the longfic i was planning on having the story mostly be told from ashton and michael's perspective, so it was just easier. or maybe not! my memory is like a sieve so who knows what past megs was really thinking.

which installment was your favorite to write? probably the first one, tbh. it was more rooted in personal experience than the second (not that i'm bffs with a superhero or have ever had to talk someone through seeing someone die in their arms for the first time lol) which made it easier to write and i kinda feel like it's a better written fic? like there are tons of lines in the first one i'm really proud of and while there are several in the second i enjoyed writing, (dissected frog simile my beloved) it's not as much. i mean, writing in general isn't a very enjoyable process for me so it's kinda hard to say definitively (i'm just coming out of wanting to pull my own teeth out during the second one but i def felt that way about the first one as well) but yeah. probably the first one.

i have so many thoughts about the world itself but this is getting insanely long so i'll stop here before you regret sending this ask lol. thank you so much for asking about my boys!!! i love you and hope you're doing well <3

#gosh this is a Lot #hang on i'm going to go back and add a 'read more under the cut' so this doesn't eat up everyone's dash #ok we're good #i have some more ideas for the world i just need to figure out how much of my outline i'm actually going to use #bc depending on how much of the enemies to lovers plot i use i might have to hold off on malum actually getting together #which i don't mind bc writing mutual pining is my shit however i've started multiple wips that i had to stop bc i couldn't get them to end #anyway other than them kissing lol #so. while one of them i can def use later down the line bc it would tie into the enemies to lovers plot nicely #i can't finish it now before i know just what's going on with the enemies to lovers plot #but! i would like to continue with the world regardless #i just might turn my attention to some other wips for a bit while i let everything simmer #but don't worry if i do end up expanding the world i'll try to make it so if you only want to read one or the other they can stand on their #own #ok shutting up for real now lol #answering mail #ask games #taylor

2 notes · View notes

abloomntime · 3 years

Text

A Bloom In Time Ch21 Witch Hazelle and Timmy

(So there's this witch NPC in Nyakuza Metro and thought she'd be a good addition to the story and by popular demand Timmy! As he's gonna be an important key to Moonjumper later. The pics ain't mine, got it from A Hat In Time wiki.)

Well this garden was starting to at least LOOK decent....ish.

The giant ghost hovered above the area he picked out with seemed to be a pretty decent size away from any cursed statues, traps, or talking nooses or swamps. But also close enough to his home that he could get here at a moment's notice. The area was a fairly large decent size circled in by giant rocks to make an almost perfect wall around it. PERFECT place to have a mushroom garden, so carefully all the minions would dig holes large enough for the mushrooms they were carrying and placed them into their new home before being replanted. All kinds of shapes and sizes were placed down with the stone walls and a line of bushes were planted along with them. Leaving a pretty big area in the middle he...was still trying to figure out what to put as a center piece in the giant opening but for now he'd leave it plan. There was also a small corner of the garden that wasn't mushrooms or bushes. There was planted at least seven of those giant apple plants that grew giant purple apples like once a day. Wasn't much but what else could he do in a cursed forest? Well, they were far from done as this whole thing would take a while to complete, until then he had a few other things to worry about. Like a new way to keep those girls out of the forest since his original plan backfired. But right now he could start by fixing this one dress of hers.

Snatcher had it all laid out on the floor of his home. Laying a hand on the upper half, he neatly drew a straight line across the wideth of the dress above all the tears and holes using one of his feathered pens. The dress would be about a foot shorter than it orginally wasbut it would still be very much fine for her to wear freely. Once he got done he reached over to grab at a pair of scissors, but didn't see the smaller pale hand grab it and yank it out of his reach. When Snatcher didn't feel the scissors, he turned his head in that direction but stopped seeing it wasn't anywhere where he left it.

"Looking for these?"

His face snapped to the female voice with a snarl but once the sight of the woman who DARED enter his home let alone his forest entered his vision he paused for maybe two seconds before that snarl turned into a deep scowl with narrowed eyes. "What are YOU doing here? Can't you see I'm busy?"

The brown haired woman shrugged twirling the scissors in her hand. "I could ask you the same thing, Snatchy." Her brow rose once her copper eyes glanced over at the dress he was attempted to fix. "You're a tailor now, or is this some kind of new hobby for you?"

"Neither! Gimme those!" He quickly Snatched the pair of scissors away from her still frowning and turned back to his work.

She faked a hurt expression and put a hand to her chest. "That hurts Snatchy. It really does. In all the five hundred years we've known each other you're still that cruel spirit you've always been."

"And you're still that annoying witch." She finally got him to turn his face towards the smiling witch dressed in white and pink and groaned. "We both know you're not here for no reason. What ARE you here for, Hazelle?"

"You got me.~" She smiled real smug like and had the audacity to walk over to his large red arm chair and plopped down in it. Leaning her head in one hand and crossing her legs. "Well, the usual. I wanted to stop by and grab some of these cursed vines for my supplies. Maybe grab some swamp water for my famous grab-o-war spells, comes in handy when someone doesn't want to pay their side of our bargains. And of course I was wondering why you haven't come by asking for more blue potions of the dead. You usually get a big supply every few weeks."

After a few seconds of frowning at her, Snatcher turned back to the dress in his claws and took the scissors. Starting at one side he started cutting along the drawn line as straight as possible. "A lot of things have happened in the past week."

"Hm. Like what? Nothing has really happened since that little alien came back." Her eyes glanced down to the dress again he was handling. That certainly wasn't any child's dress, too big, but it was just the right size for a grown woman her size. Smiling wider she chuckled. "Unless it's because you've been distracted by a pretty lady?~"

"WHAT?!" Any dweller or minion within range of his voice fled at the flare up of anger coming from their boss and he sure showed it when glaring at the witch but the yellow flush to his cheeks gave her any confirmation she needed as Hazelle sat there smiling through his tantrum. Snatcher dropped the scissors with a thump and pointed at her. "ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! WHAT THE ACTUAL PECK GAVE YOU THAT STUPID PECKING IDEA YOU FOOL!?"

"Well, considering that the dress you're working on is obviously a young lady's and the fact that your face is more yellow than a dandelion is telling me otherwise, Snatchy.~"

"DON'T CALL ME SNATCHY! YOU KNOW I HATE THAT, WITCH!!" With a hiss he snapped back to the dress and continued on with his work as if nothing happened scowling...But Hazelle frowned.

"You know I was only kidding, Snatchy. I was genuinely curious about why you didn't come by to get any potions from me after saying you would. It's not like you." Her copper eyes glanced out of the ghost's home and towards the outside as if she was searching for something but didn't see anything beyond the normal dark cursed forest, and purple aura everywhere. " Some of your underlings out there have been gossiping." The ghost stopped but didn't look at her. "They're saying you have a new human girl working under you, which isn't too surprising since you've done this schtick before.....But I am finding it a bit strange you're helping one."

".....Where did you hear that?," he asked in a low tone.

"Like I said some of your little fellows out there are talking up a storm. And here I thought the dead all liked to rest in peace. But considering you're caught fixing an adult sized dress I'm assuming it's true?"

SNatcher went silent again. Not moving or looking at the woman behind him confirming or denying anything that was just asked. After a few tense silent moments of her staring at his back he began to move again but remained silent. His arms doing something she couldn't see since he had his back towards her but after a moment his arm made an upwards moment and she could see a large needle the perfect size for him and a light blue thread attatched to it. Which meant he was sewing some part of the dress after he cut some part of it off. Luckily for her, Hazelle was a patient woman and just kept silentlt watching him work from his comfy spot. After about ten minutes of this silence, the needle was bought down and he did something else she couldn't see. A moment later a sewing kit floated up from him and copper eyes watched it fly over to place itself on the book shelf he had in here. One moment later he leaned back up and his long arms held up the light blue dress, flapping it once to shake the loose dust off of it and looking over his handywork. The blue dress looked as good as new, no more holes or rips, even if it did have a few dirt and grass stands, but that was ok. It was a foot shorter too but all in all, not bad if he did say so himself. Once again his amazing skills had saved the day, Poppy should be happy she won't have to be needing to replace her old dress anytime soon. More relaxed, Snatcher hung the dress over one of his arms and turned to Hazelle still staring at him patiently. The two stared at each other for a moment, before she spoke up.

She pointed a hand at him. "Something big is going on here. I can tell by that look on your face, old friend. You can't fool me."

"Why would I tell you? Nothing's happened. 'Sides. Nothing here I can't handle!" He huffed and reached one of his long arms over to drop the blue dress over the back of the red chair above her head. It was a big armchair.

"Do you know how much you contradicted yourself in those few sentences?" She rolled her eyes and leaned over. "Come on. You KNOW I ALWAYS find out one way or another eventually whether it's by you or me prodding around a bit."

"Anyone ever tell you you're a pain!?"

"All the time, Snatchy.~ But, c'mon. You know I'm right anyways. I'll meet her eventually, so spill." She leaned back all comfy like in the chair smiling that grin. "I got all eternity now.~ Something about one of those minions saying time piece sounds interesting. What'd I miss?"

Well....She wasn't wring about that. Or the fact that if he DIDN'T tell her, Hazelle would most definately find out and it was ALWAYS more hard for him to deal with things when she found out things on her own, so.....He spilt the beans. All of it. From him stupidly 'borrowing' a time piece(which Hazelle called him a dummy for doing) to finally getting it all resolved, and now...His situation with Poppy and how exactly she ended up with them. Leaving out just a few details like his embarrassing crawl, or the fact he was planting a garden for Poppy. Hazelle would tease him for that for sure. She also DEFINATELY didn't need to know about his true feelings for her so he have told her about him being strictly friends with her and trying to make things right with her once and for all. By the end of his brief and blunt explanition Hazelle was giving him a surprised look.

"So...Let me get this straight." She pointed at him. "You had this great...*cough cough* dumb*cough* idea to use MAGIC ALIEN TECHNOLOGY that no one besides that alien to a degree can use to try and erase your ex-fiance from existance, brought everyone back to life, and discovered that the woman this alien saved happened to be your dear friend when you were both alive." She held up a finger. "BUT this is also the same woman who your ex got jealous and killed you over. And now you're clingy manipulating her into your servitude to keep her close. ......Am I hearing this right?"

"HEY!! I did NOT 'manipulate' her! It was an offer she couldn't refuse. And with me as her boss what could go wrong?"......A book was thrown square in his face. "OW!!" Clutching his face, he growled at her. "What is WITH you people and attacking ghosts?!"

Hazelle was standing giving him her own glare. "YOU. TRICKED. HER. Plain and simple! How do you think the poor girl feels about having her soul guarded by her long lost dead friend who CLEARLY has some issues with being clingy?" He stared at her for a moment. Words sinking infor a good long while before with a guilty frown Snatcher turned his gaze down in shame. Hazelle stood there for a moment watching him. Her brain whirling for the answers before her face became surprised again...Then worried. "Oh no...You DIDNT!!" He still didn't look up and she scowled again. "From what you've told me.....You haven't told her yet, have you?"

"NO!! OK!!" He looked at her with some kind of expression. Wasn't angry, or sad...Sort of a bit panicked and worried as he stared at her. "I ....I CANT!!" Hazelle's brow rose higher. "...A- At least not now."

"And why not? Don't you think she's going to have questions eventually?"

"YES!! But-...." He sighed and floated down until he rested on the floor of the home, his hands coming up to rub at his face. A moment of silence glanced over the two as he continued to rub his face. ".....I.....can't." He forced out in a small voice. It sounded really forced and above a whisper but she still heard it enough for her to drop the scowl she was giving him. He remained with his face buried in his hands for a good silent moment before he heard some shuffling sounds and felt a presence sit beside. And later felt a hand pressed up again his shoulder. .....Slowly looking up, he peeked out at Hazelle sitting next to him and giving him a sad look.

"Hey. Come on. You know what happened wasn't your fault."

"I KNOW THAT!! And you know that!....But the question is." He looked back down at his hands. Never wishing they weren't so purple before. "Will she think that? Will she believe it's....my fault?"

Hazelle hesitated...but gave a reassuring smile to try and ease her ghostly friend's worries. "Well, you never know if you never tell her. And...It's kinda unfair she doesn't get to know about you while you're having her work for you-"

"I KNOW!! AND I WILL TELL HER!!"

"When?" Hazelle asked back crossing her arms and raising a brow. "When are you planning on telling her the trueth, Snatcher?"

"I-....I-I don't know. B-But not right now. It's too early after everything that's happened. It's best to let everyone settle in with the reality of it first. Especially her." He jumped and blinked over at Hazelle when she grabbed his hand.

Her face was worried but still stern as she gazed him directly in the eyes. "Take an old friend's advice. It's important she get's to know sooner rather than later, ok? The longer you take the more complications you're going to have."

"Yeah, yeah." He pulled his hand away to cross his arms again. "I get it!"

"How many people know of this?"

".....Just you and me. And maybe some of them." He nodded his head towards the outside of his home just as a few of his underlings ran by yelling. Oh. He must've meant them. "But they wouldn't say anything-.....WHAT THE PECK!?" A blur of white and color zipped by after the screaming minions and he instantly threw a scowl back at Hazelle who seemed a little bit surprised as well as Snatcher pointed a hand out of the entrance of his home. "You care to explain?"

"Oh. Shifty must be having a little bit of playtime. He was frozen for a long, long time you know." He turned back to her about to ask what the heck she was going on about when a sudden white rainbow blur lept into his home with a loud thud against the floor. He instinctively shot himself back a few feet from the massive pile of laundry that laid upon the ghost's floor. It looked like a badly sewn together white blanket that someone tried to fix by sewing all kinds of colorful patches to it. After a bit it moved and he froze in surprised as the thing moved unnaturally up on four tiny legs under it and through it's head back revealing a darkened abyss inside the covers and many eyes blinking at him. He knew at once what this was and hissed as he pointed at it. "WHAT. IS. THAT. THING. DOING BACK IN MY FOREST?!"

He shot Hazelle a look demanding answers but the witch shrugged and smiled happily as the thing crawled on it's four legs over to it's master and crawled unnaturally halfway onto her lap. She smiled like a mother would smile at her child and pet the creature on it's head. It made a rumbling thrum that he supposed was his form of purring and relaxed in her hold. "What's a witch without her familiar? Especially since he was frozen in that dreadful woman's home this whole time. Another reason I was so curious about what was going on." She cooed and wrapped her arms around the giant thrumming creature with a hum. "One day I just woke up and there he was sitting right outside! I was so happy to finally get my beloved Shapeshifter back! I was wondering how the world he escaped, but now it all makes sense." Her smile turned smug again. "But I think you left out the part where you and Moonjumper were sharing the same body."

Snatcher instantly bristled fluff shooting up. "HEY!! Not by choice!" He pointed a hand at the thrumming creature. "And you keep that voodoo whatchamacallit pecking thing AWAY from my soul stash! I swear it if starts playing with one like a toy again I'll send it back to that ice cube!"

IN response the creature's eyes narrowed and a growl came out but Hazelle patted his back to calm him. "Now, now. Shifty loves playing with spirits. He didn't know any better. Maybe keep your stash somewhere safer than trapped in the ground."

"What a minute....HOW THE PECK DID YOU KNOW ABOUT US SHARING A BODY?!"

"Well, you know I'm teaching that young man of his magic. He's been acting all nervous like and told be all about it.~"

He stared at her for a moment....before growling and shoving an accusing finger in her face. "YOU KNEW THIS WHOLE TIME!!! AND TRICK ME INTO TELLING YOU!!"

"Hey. I didn't know everything," she retorted back, " I didn't know this lady was around or you have feelings for her-''

"SHE. IS. A. FRIEND!! STRICTLY FRIENDS!! ALWAYS HAVE AND ALWAYS WILL BE!!"

"Maybe that is the truth. Maybe you two WERE just friends," she pointed out seriously, "But thing's aren't the same as they were a thousand years ago, Snatchy. She doesn't know you are...well YOU. And she probably doesn't see you as a friend anymore because she doesn't know YOU you. She probably sees you as a 'boss' when you obviously see her as an old friend and like her more than that. You gotta get all this sorted out soon. Right now it sounds like a giant mess and you need to take a broom to it and sweep all the problematic dust away."

"I KNOW!!" He held his hands up. "I. Know. But like I said this is all happening too soon and too fast. I can't tell her right now." His light scowl came back as he pointed at her. "And you AREN'T either."

"Alright, alright. I get the hint. *sigh*" Hazelle rolled her eyes shaking her head before giving the ghost a serious look. "It's not my place to blab anything to her and honestly I'd be a bad friend, but AS a friend heed my warning. One day she's going to find out, and she's going to have a lot of questions you're going to have to answer. You made a big mess and with messes it's just going to get messier unless you deal with it."

He didn't say anything but huff and looked at the ground in a grumpy manner similar to a child.

"MIsTRESS," the thing on her lap suddenly hissed out in multiple voices catching the two's attention as all the eyes directed outside, "THe bOY hAs ArRiVeD."

"Oh, that must be Timmy.~ The little dear." Gently pushing Shapeshiter off herself, the loyal pet hopped off her as she stood up, reaching up to straighten the large witches hat on her head and turning to Snatcher as it crept out of the ghost's home. "Sorry to have to cut our meeting so short, but I did promise some witchy lessons to the boy after all."

"Hmph." The giant spirit watched as the witch walked out of his home and across the giant vine that lead across the small moat of water surrounding it. Poking his head out he saw the sight of that creature sat down and a small boy he knew all too well. As Hazelle approuched he huffed again. "Well don't be sticking around here to teach him!" His yellow eyes glanced around real quick to check for any signs of his dumb double. "And where's the corpse?"

The boy with dark purple eyes and black hair tipped his hat to the witch. "I'm afraid he's not feeling too well so I came on my own."

He huffed again. "Well good! He can stay out for all I care!"

Timmy scowled but Hazelle patted his head. "Now don't be mad at him. He's having some big trouble of his own." She looked back to Snatcher with a look and wave. "Bye, bye Snatchy.~ And....Please don't forget what we talked about. Alright?"

"Yeah, yeah. Just leave already!"

He crossed his arms and watched grumpily as Hazelle placed a hand on the young boy's back and began to steer him off in the direction of he guessed the way out of his woods followed closely behind by that creature. Huffing again and following them with his eyes until the three of them disappeared in the fog and dead trees- His looking was intrrupted my a small meow and something rubbing against him, the source quickly being identified as Rough Patch who decided to climb out from under his giant chair at last and was currently rubbing against his tail begging for pets. Purple claws gently grabbed him and brought him up to be held and pet. Rough Patch purring as he did so. Yellow eyes glanced back to the blue dress that laid upon the back of the chair and he sighed, Hazelle's words bouncing around in his head as he stared at it. Hazelle was right. But he could wait a little longer before telling her. He'd have to just wait and make up for everything first.

#ABloomInTime #a hat in time florist #A hat in time the florist #a hat in time snatcher #The Florist #snatcher #florist x snatcher #snatcher x florist #Snatcher x the florist #florist #flowercrown #the florist x snatcher

2 notes · View notes

mfingenius · 5 years

Note

Hello ! Can you write a little story Drarry, about Draco who return a child (physically and mentally) because any accident ? Sorry, my english isn't my origin language... but i love read your writtings (with a dictionnary) ! Thanks

“There is no fucking way that’s Malfoy.” Ron says.

Harry scratches the back of his neck and looks down at the child, who’s looking up at them with wide eyes.

“Don’t curse,” he admonishes lamely. Ron stares at him, disbelieving, and Harry huffs in exasperation. “I don’t know what to tell you, Ron, it’s Malfoy. I know you recognize him.”

Malfoy can’t be any older than two in his current state. His eyes seem to be taking up too much of his face, clear grey and innocent, and his skin… well, if Harry thought sixteen-year-old Malfoy was pale, two-year-old Malfoy is transparent. His hair is very nearly white.

Some of his pointedness seems to be gone; he has red, chubby cheeks, but his nose and his chin seem as pointy as ever. It’s odd on a baby.

“It looks like him,” Ron admits. “But it’s not. There’s no way Narcissa would do that to her son.”

Harry, if he’s quite honest, admires the raw nerve on the woman; no one other than a Slytherin would’ve thought that the best way to save their son from a madman would be to de-age them and give him to Harry, saying ‘Good luck turning him away now’ and prompy apparating away.

She’d gotten it right, of course. Harry wouldn’t leave Malfoy on the street, not at age two. Probably not at age sixteen, either, but he doesn’t think he’s quite ready to admit that, yet.

“Well, she did.” Harry says. Malfoy, who’d been sitting calmly on the carpet entertaining himself with Harry’s wand - drooling on it - pushes himself up onto his feet and toddles over to Harry, who freezes.

His wand is left on the floor with teeth marks on it; he doesn’t know why he thinks about it. What’s he going to do with it anyway, Flipendo Malfoy away?

The toddler pulls at Harry’s pants and lifts his hands towards him with a pout, and it takes Harry three full seconds to realize that Malfoy is demanding to be carried.

Harry picks him up almost on instinct, and then freezes again when Malfoy rests his tiny head on Harry’s shoulder and grabs a fistful of his jumper.

“Honestly, Harry, he’s just a baby, he’s not going to curse you.” Hermione had been eerily quiet on the couch next to Ron up until then.

“You never know,” Ron says. “It’s Malfoy.”

Harry is inclined to agree. Admittedly, Malfoy seems to be an uncomfortably quiet child. He hasn’t said a word since Narcissa practically shoved him into Harry’s arms, and the only thing he’s even done is chew on Harry’s wand and, apparently, sleep on his shoulder.

“We need to come up with a plan,” Hermione says, because of course she does. “We can’t keep a child here in Grimmauld, it’s hardly safe, especially with the order here.”

Harry groans. He’d entirely forgotten about that; fuck, but Sirius is going to have a stroke when he comes back and finds himself stranded with a two year old kid. His two year old nephew.

Everyone is out in different places - they’re all helping look for the Horcruxes, and Harry, Ron, and Hermione are practically living in Grimmauld now - and Harry can imagine that it won’t be pleasant to come back to this.

“And we’re not throwing him out on the street, either,” Hermione reasons.

“We could.” Ron says.

“No,” Harry says immediately.

“Narcissa Malfoy will come back for him,” Ron shrugs a shoulder. “When she sees her plan didn’t work, she’ll have to get him back to normal.”

“We’re not putting a child out on the street Ron,” Hermione says. “He could get hurt.”

“It’s Malfoy.” Ron says.

“He’s still a kid,” Harry points out. “We can’t just-”

He’s stopped when a tiny hand presses against his lips lightly.

“Sleepy time,” Malfoy mutters quietly, nuzzling further into Harry’s shoulder. He drops his hand to fist at Harry’s sweater again, wrapping the other one around his shoulder so that he can suck his thumb into his mouth.

Harry looks at Ron and Hermione disbelievingly.

Hermione’s snickering. “You heard him, Harry. Sleepy time.”

They decide to take turns babysitting. It doesn’t work - because of course, even at two years old, Malfoy likes to make Harry’s life miserable - because Malfoy doesn’t like anyone in the house but Harry and Fred and George Weasley, but Harry doesn’t trust them to babysit, not after he finds them one afternoon trying their new hair-dye line on Malfoy.

So he gets used to having a baby perched on his hip. Malfoy becomes Draco because the toddler doesn’t seem to respond to the name Malfoy, and Harry finds himself getting a little… attatched.

Draco’s overtly quiet around strangers, but when they’re alone in Harry’s room - because the first night that Harry had tried to put him in a separate room the blond had cried and screamed until Harry had put him in his bed with him - he babbles to Harry about his toys - which he misses - and how excited he is to go to Hogwarts one day, to meet Harry Potter - Harry says that although he is called Harry Potter he’s not that Harry Potter, because it’s odd to find out that Malfoy had been crazy about him as a child - and his mummy - When’s she coming back?

Harry never knows how to answer that.

Meanwhile, Hermione has been searching for a cure everywhere, trying to identify the potion or the spell Narcissa could’ve used on him, but she seems to be making little progress, even with Grimmauld’s vast collection of books on dark magic.

“Harry!” The second he steps through the door, Draco launches himself at him.

“Hey, angel.” He says, hoisting Draco up in his arms. The toddler is blinking up at him widely, and though Harry just got back from looking for a Horcrux, it makes him feel oddly calm. “Something wrong?”

Draco pouts. “You left me.”

He’s nothing like the boy Harry knew. Or thought he knew.

“I told you I was going to leave.” Harry reminds him. “Last night.”

“But you didn’t wake me.” Draco says, and his eyes are wide and wet with tears, lip wobbly. Harry curses inwardly. “I didn’t know if you were coming back.”

“I didn’t want to bother you,” Harry says, wiping the tear that leaks out with his thumb. “And I came back, didn’t I?”

Draco sniffles and buries his head in Harry’s chest.

“C’mon, Draco, angel, it’s alright.” Harry tries. “I’m here. I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I have come back?”

“My mummy left me.” Draco whispers against his chest, like it’s a secret. “She didn’t want me, and you don’t either.”

“I do,” Harry says. It’s not a lie. “Of course I do.”

“You promise?” Draco says.

“I promise.”

There are a few seconds of silence, and then Draco squirms closer to him.

“I’m hungry.” He says.

Harry laughs. “Alright. Cereal?”

Draco nods against him, and, as he walks to the kitchen, Harry can’t help but wonder what will happen after Draco’s Malfoy again. His heart aches at the thought.

———————————

Send me a Request :D

If you enjoyed this, please consider buying me a kofi

Masterlist: [1] [2]

Commissions

#drarry #fanfic #mine

1K notes · View notes

diaxfeliz · 4 years

Text

CONTINUE PROTECTING YOU • Hux

» Star Wars / Armitage Hux … Y/N had always acted as Hux’s undercover escort, their identity even unknown to him. Hux guesses their identity and meets them on the Starkiller Base. The love at first sight Y/N gained for him resurfaces much to their discomfort unlike Hux himself.

A/N: Oof we luv forbidden love things.

Status : Colleagues Relationship : Romantic

WORD COUNT: 1217

An escort who’s sworn their life to protect their superior, but struggling to swear their love.

“General Pryde,” you said smoothly as you entered the almost barren conference room. You hadn’t seen who else was inside other than you and Pryde, but that didn’t matter to you. “I was told you wanted to see me because of something about—”

When you turned to meet the eyes of the general you worked for, you accidentally met the eyes of the general you were an escort to. You pursed your lips upon seeing his blue eyes and carefully done ginger hair. Your eyes locked onto his unconsciously until Pryde came between you.

“And here she is. Thank you for coming promptly, Captain L/N.” Pryde said in a rush and walked towards you. He placed a hand on your shoulder. “I’ll be heading off to the bridge now. Please meet me there when you’re done. There are a few things I’d like to discuss about your mission.”

The old general had spoken so fast that neither you nor Hux could even comprehend. When Pryde left, the sound of the door closing was what brought you out of your comprehension of Pryde’s words.

You instinctively looked over to Hux again, locking eyes as before. You just found them so easy to get lost in, and to him, he thought the same about your eyes. It took a few moments, but you broke out of your trance and straightened your back.

“Ah, General Hux. It’s… uhm… a pleasure.” You saluted weakly especially as he was walking towards you. “I-I’m General Pryde’s division’s head sniper, Captain Y/N L/N.”

Hux didn’t say anything when he stopped in front of you and examined your features carefully. He could recall a figure in the dark a few nights ago swiftly saving him from untimely death. Their eyes glowed in the dark of the night, and felt as if he knew those eyes — the same eyes he had fallen in love the first time he had seen them just somewhere behind the scenes.

“You’re the sniper assigned to me, aren’t you?” he said, his thoughts slipping off his tongue.

Your eyes dilated before shrinking back to its original size. You thought you were doing such a great job keeping your identity secret, especially from him. You discreetly gulped nervously and lowered your hand behind you to clasp them together,

“I’m sorry, General, but revealing that would be a violation of Section 24’s Protocol 3-21.” you said, trying to avoid his gaze only to get lost in them again. You hoped your nervousness wasn’t peeking through to a point he could notice because the lack of change in his form made you uncomfortable. “Identities of personal assembly snipers cannot be revealed to anyone at any cost, I’m afraid.”

He stifled a sarcastic laugh and scrunched his nose. “With those crisp blue eyes of yours? You can’t possibly fool anyone.” Your cheeks heated from his compliment on your eyes you oh-so despised. “I just wanted to thank you personally for your deeds. In the past major events I had been to, I believe that if you were never there, I wouldn’t be here right now—”

“It was my job. I’d do it again if I had to, General.” You cut him off coldly, not wanting your love to be fueled.

Hux rolled his eyes as a sign of being both annoyed and offended. You saw it; you just didn’t want to acknowledge it. “You could at least be grateful because you should know that not many could—”

“Not many could get a thank you from the infamous ruthless general of the Finalizer, so I’ve heard.” You took a step back when you saw him scowl. The love you had for the man that had been sitting in your heart for so long was rising like a high tide and you couldn’t let it control you. “What makes me so special, General Hux?”

He was taken aback by your question that he actually visibly fazed. His eyebrows raised in surprise, his frown was no longer firm but soft, and his eyes had lost the storm in them.

“I-I… I don’t know,” he mumbled, unsure of what to say now. He shook his head and returned the ruthless general in him. “but it’s the least I can do for—”

“Get your sentiment off this ship. We don’t need that here.”

“Stop cutting me off, Captain L/N!” Hux slammed his hand on the table next to them. You slightly jumped, but the tide was at your feet now and there was no running from it. “Why can’t you be grateful like your degenerate colleagues—?”

“Because I don’t want to get attatched to the person I had sworn to protect and accidentally fell in love with!” You yelled with your eyes shut. You didn’t want to see his reaction nor remember his face when you finally confessed.

Hux’s tension deflated like a balloon when you said that. The word ‘love’ had definitely caught him off guard. He didn’t think the one who he had been looking for out of love loved him back.

“I had watched you closely, General. You could even say I watched too close.” You took a deep breath to ease the shakiness in them and sighed. “I think you’re a wonderful man past all that… coldness, but I know that what I feel is… it’s not right.”

You gained all the courage you had left at this point and raised your head high. You couldn’t read his eyes, but surprisingly, there wasn’t anger in them. Instead, it was almost something that resembled realization.

“I don’t want your thanks, General.” you said, your voice coming to a whisper. “I just want to continue protecting you, because it’s the only way I know I’d get to be close to you—”

You were cut off by Hux wrapping his arms around you. Your eyes widened at his sudden and definitely unexpected gesture. You stayed in that position, too shocked to move, but was definitely grateful for. You eased into his embrace enough that you even rested your chin on his shoulder.

“I had worked hard to find you.” he whispered as he pulled back but still held you close. He looked you in the eyes to take in the beauty of them — of you. He smiled softly and cradled the side of your head in his gloved hand. “You always did run away before I could get to you. For every bullet that you shot through the air, it was the same number of times you had saved me, and given me a chance to find you.”

He pulled you in for a hug again and this time you got the chance to wrap your arms around him as well.

“Do you regret that, Y/N?” he whispered in your ear. “Saving me?”

You gritted your teeth and held onto him as if you were going to lose him. “No.” you said enough for him to hear.

Hux hummed. “Then stop making it seem like you do.”

He kissed the top of your head and caressed the back of your head. He didn’t think his low-key hard work in finding you would pay off, but in the end, it did, and he wasn’t letting go of you again.

#queue #star wars #star wars imagine #general hux #armitage hux #hux x reader #oof

57 notes · View notes

ernmark · 4 years

Note

do you feel at all frustrated that they knighted sir marc offscreen? i just feel like everybody else got a nice, clear resolution of their personal arc, and they just sort of... dropped him, and then picked up next season saying that it had all been resolved offscreen. but it’s very possible that’s just me having a weird attatchment to him as a disabled character? if you have any writerly insights/narrative reasons they might have done that, it would be much appreciated. thanks!!

(For some reason this ask was only accessible to me on my phone, and there’s no way I was gonna type up everything involved on that tiny screen.)

Admittedly I haven’t paid too close attention to the past SC episode-- stories focusing on kids really aren’t my jam, though I was pleasantly surprised to hear Marc’s return.

Hopefully we’ll see more of him in the next episode-- likely he’s going to chase after Olala after she wandered off to keep her safe.

To address your concerns, though, I think you’ve got plenty of reason to be anxious about this. In mainstream media, this sort of thing would absolutely be resolved offscreen without the weight it deserves. I personally trust the Penumbra folks to do better than that, but even well-meaning people can fuck up badly.

Based on that trust, though, I do think that there’s a bit more to what’s gong on with Marc, particularly in this quote right here:

And let me tell you, as a brand-spankin’-new Knight of the Crown with a lot of experience: no great quest ever got finished after one little adventure.

I think it’s meaningful that he’s fought alongside Sir Caroline, Damien and Angelo and proved himself beyond capable to all of them. Whether or not the latter two had much direct influence, Sir Caroline now has a position of major authority and ready access to the queen’s ear. With the three of them vouching for Marc, he was able to finally get past the artificial hurdles that the other knights had made for him.

But their influence didn’t change the very real hurdles that are still in place. Right now Marc is probably the oldest “new” knight in the kingdom, and that’s going to come with some biases. He’s been maligned by a whole bunch of knights for years, particularly by high-ranking knights with a lot of social capital to throw around. And that’s not even getting started with the ableism that he’s going to deal with on all sides.

(Also: there have been multiple references to the Citadel’s many towers, which I’m guessing aren’t exactly accessible to Dampierre. Just having meetings in upper floors is going to naturally exclude Marc from a whole lot of things, both out of malice and ignorance.)

So my read on it: Marc thought that this chapter of his life would be neatly resolved with a big climactic battle, followed by a spectacular party in which he’s knighted. And... kinda? I mean, he had a climactic battle alongside his lizard-in-law, and then he got knighted, but people’s lives are rarely so neat or tidy. So what he thought was going to be the end of this story turned out to be a middle point, at best.

And we’ve seen that elsewhere, too.

I think the most obvious example is Final Resting Place-- the heroes save the day and fall into bed together, roll credits. But saving the planet didn’t fix Juno’s depression and self-loathing. Sleeping with Peter didn’t fix any of that. It took a long, long time and some false starts and really bad backslides before he was able to actually deal with his trauma directly, and even now he’s not ‘fixed’-- but he is working on it, and he’s in a place where he has the support to help him do that.

We saw similar with our dear Bouquet, where they pointedly don’t get a happily ever after-- they get tension, hurt feelings, confusion, but a resolve to try, with the intention from the crew to keep exploring that story later.

I suspect that’s more or less where we are with Marc right now.

I should also add:

They absolutely did drop Marc in the final inning of the last episode, but they were pretty public about the reason behind that. Marc’s voice actor was hiking the Appalachian Trail during the recording, which made him entirely unavailable during the time when they would have been recording those episodes. Apparently the original outlines had to be altered to remove Marc from the script because of it. It really sucks, but with as many moving pieces as they had to coordinate, I can understand it not being possible to keep him in there.

It’s still not great, but at least I can assure you it didn’t have anything to do with Marc as a character.

#the penumbra podcast #penumbra meta

52 notes · View notes

autumn-foxfire · 4 years

Note

There's something tragic in Hawks dying a hero. Just another famous pro ended up a statistic of fatalities, with his own version of a wikipedia article written in past tense about his career and nothing more. The country would grieve, and then its over. 'Thank you for your service.' At least with All Might, he had people to know him as Toshinori Yagi. You know how a lot of war veterans have ptsd? I doubt he'll forget with Twice. With anything. The way he grew up and what he trained for. (1)

It does have a long lasting effect. A lot of the instincts Hawks has will alway stick with him. So can't not be Keigo without being a little bit of Hawks. There's not much separation of hero and self. Call me biased, but Twice got to live a good life. Yeah he had a lot of sad and difficult moments. But in the end, Twice got to live with his family for some time. He found friends to trust and that trusted him. The League knows Twice and will fight to hell and back for him. (2)

You can safely say, Jin Bubaigawara got to live and be heard. Others and himself felt that he was alive. Hawks doesn't really have that. Tokoyami knows, a little bit. He genuinely cares, and that's nice. I'm sad anyways bc even Toko knows only Hawks the mentor, but it's closer than the rest. Knowing about little speech and gesturing quirks he had. He's the only one to keep the memory of Hawks alive, but to what degree, what kind? :( Kinda sad to think one of Hawks' closest connections is a teenager he couldn't let himself be completely open with. Hawks is always hiding himself, hoarding all the pieces never leaving them behind for someone to look too close at him. And that's literal, in the exposition of Toko and Hawks interacting in the Light Novel. I just wish he had other kinds of relationships too beyond the mentor-student one. I wish he wouldn't have to die without anyone knowing his real name, with having to die and not knowing what Toko thinks of him. (3)

Without having ever gotten to feel real love or care. What's the point of people realizing and sharing their thoughts on you when your already six feet under. Fatgum + protective instincts for our two bird bros soon? He's chasing after Toko, whose carrying Hawks. Pls he's a mentally exhausted and severely injured 23 year old whose been through seven months of stressful situations. Maybe some pros should reconsider their impression on the 'naive upstart who goes way too fast' (especially Rocklock, fight me for calling him an arrogant jerk.) I'm sorry I just really don't like how there's nothing outside workplace relationships. The villains are closer to each other than the heroes are. Gotta give points to Endeavor for worrying about Hawks and getting huffy at Tsukauchi over 'classified info.' (4)

I’m assuming this was all one ask, I’m hoping I’m right! XD

Hawks, or Takami Keigo, is a tragic character really. He was a child saved from an abusive situation (and potentially a son of a ‘villain’ if the theif!Takami theory is right) only to be placed in another abusive situation that disguised itself as a ‘training’ regimen for young new heroes. The fact that they told him to throw away his old name to become Hawks is telling of what exactly the HPSC expected of him. If he died, the only people who know his actual name are the HPSC and a villain. That’s it. And the only reaction you’ll get from the public if an official statement was released that gave his full name would probably be ‘huh, I never realised I didn’t know his name,’ because he’s not just Hawks to himself and the HPSC, he’s only Hawks to the public too.

Hawks mastered the persona of being a sociable person without actually forming proper social bonds until recently. The closest people to him are probably Endeavor, who Hawks has heroworship for and Tokoyami who he originally took on to learn about the league of villains and ended up getting attatched when he thought the boy wasn’t living to his full potential. And you can still argue those were work relationships at best (though his relationship with Tokoyami does seem to be evolving into a little bro/big bro thing and I really hope it does). So, you’re right, Twice did eventually have healthier connections then Hawks, or at least closer connections who he knows he could rely on in a pinch and not just because they’re fellow ‘heroes’ like Hawks would.

(Though I’m not sure if the league is aware of Twice’s story, I hope they are because I don’t want his struggles and hardships he faced before being associated with the league to disappear without anyone knowing why he reached this point in the first place. If there’s one thing I believe, it’s that the leagues stories need to be heard)

I hope Hawks doesn’t die here. I don’t think he will as there would be no point Dabi revealing his name to him then (especially as it looks like the recorder has become molten plastic as this point). I want Hawks to have the chance to live as Takami Keigo again and make connections with people. I want him to see Tokoyami become a hero and cheer him one and support him. I want his dream to come true.

Also to be fair to rocklock, he comes across as dickish but he was just worried about the kids during the overhaul arc because he’s a father himself and Hawks did kinda present himself as an arrogant person during the billboard awards. He’s a softy at heart and if he learned Hawks situation I think his fatherly instincts would come out too

#bnha #bnha hawks #thanks for the ask!!#long post #sorry I didn't add more I wasn't sure what to say #I spent so long just writing this reply that my slushie melted #Anonymous #also I'm sorry if this wasn't all the same ask #I couldn't tell and just thought I connected the pieces where I could

15 notes · View notes

m4delin · 3 years

Text

This is a personal rant because I need to get some feelings off my chest and don’t know where else to do it. This contains negtivity and mentions depression.

In november, I got a new medicine against depression. It’s been working pretty well, I’ve been feeling more content and I’ve barely had negative thoughts strong enough to bring me down.

But today, for the first time since november, I’ve felt utterly exhausted in my body. Sitting up is tiring even. And when I feel exhausted, I feel way easier down and today is just like that. I feel down and negative thoughts eneters my mind way easier than normal. It’s not as severve as it has been but a thing happened that makes it worse and it feels like I haven’t been allowed to talk about it.

The thing was that I was kicked from my overwatch team. I really liked the group and they are good people, I enjoyed playing with them a lot. But I had a problem with concentration and when I play, I zone in on playing and stops hearing what’s going on around me. And the team noticed this and felt like I needed to work on that before being on a team. Their choice is absolutely rationell and I fully understand it and a descision that should’ve been made. I wasn’t simply developing enough for the team.

But it still hurt to hear it. Because before I was kicked, I was afraid I would get kicked just because of those reasons. I tried, and I did get better, but it’s still way more common for me to have low energy days than high, which makes it harder for me to listen. It happened too often and I knew it and it was frustrating and I hated myself over it.

So after some period together, the teamleader sent everyone a set of questions and wanted us to think about them. One question was about why I wanted to stay with the team. This made me think and I was thinking about that perhaps it would be better if I left. But since we would have four weeks on us to think, I didn’t spend too much thought on it.

Two weeks later after we got the questions, I got approached by the leader and said that after some discussion, she and the team agreed that I didn’t feel right for the team and that I needed to work on other stuff before being on a team. It hurt and still does. This happened on thursday.

As said, the team likes me as a person, but she needed to think about the team foremost. And I understand her and it was the right thing to do.

But it hurts. I feel like I failed as a person. I wasn’t good enough. It’s frustrating to not to be able to listen to what people say. It’s frustrating because I can’t play with more than two(perhaps even one) persons. It’s a confirmation.

And it feels like they talked about this for a while. Understandable that they did, probably wasn’t an easy descision, but it feels like those questions was directed towards me, even if the leader said it wasn’t directed towards anyone. I even talked to the leader about the questions because I was feeling unsure on my emotions on the whole thing and now that I think back on it, I think it was already decided back then. And those thoughts hurts.

I have always wanted to play with a team, with more structure and with a chance to get better, Now I ruined it. Right now, I don’t feel like I could ever apply to another team, or start one. The only thing I can do is to play with friends. And that’s fun, but the want for more is gone. Completely. To be honest, I’m tempted to take a break from overwatch. I’m unsure how fun I can have with it at the moment. But I don’t want to stop playing it at the same time.

Thoughts of leaving the discord server where they hang has crossed my mind. I know it’s ridiculous, but I don’t feel welcomed anymore. They were the ones I played with the most in that server and now I don’t know if I can play with them at all for a while.

I don’t want to be bitter and blame them, but I think that’s what I am doing right now. Sometimes telling the whole group “listen to the shotcaller” doesn’t registre in my brain that I need to do that too, so I think a personal reminder would’ve been better. But didn’t get the coaching that I wanted I suppose.

Right now, I feel very egotistical and sad. I’m sad and angry that my small improvement wasn’t enough for them. I’m sad and mad that they didn’t talk to me about the issue before kicking me. Yes, I understand them. Yes, I support the descision. But I’m hurt, sad and mad. I was there when the group was created. I’m one of the original members. The team became “my team” and it hurts so freaking much when I lose something that’s “mine”. I know I can be a bit terratorial about things that becomes “mine”. When I become attatched, I’m attatched. And by the gods, I was attatched to this team.

I don’t want to hate them and I don’t want to be bitter. I’m trying to get in contact with my psycologist in order to talk about this and my current problem of “I make a small mistake and I should know better and then get told the proper way to do it and then I just feel dumb”.

Currently, I’m not ok. I will be, even if it doesn’t feel like it. I’m just rather sad and down right now, but the moment will pass. It has done so before.

#negative #don't feel the need to read or try to cheer me up #just needed to vent #it feels a bit better after writing and posting this #just get some thoughts out of my head #personal #pls don't reblog

1 note · View note

nikkyshows · 4 years

Text

Day 24: Repress

This is another day’s prompt that I got really attatched to. I hope you all like it half as much. I am also aware that I’m not doing great with the whole two-prompts-a-day-until-I’m-caught-up thing. I’m trying. That’s what counts. Luckily I’m not too far behind — two prompts tomorrow and I’m caught up.

Mild warning of this taking place in a war. You gotta squint real hard, though.

*****

“I don’t—” Kira hooks her thumb in her belt and strains the appendage against the leather. The burn of the stretch is grounding. “Are you telling the truth?”

He has to be. He’s a horrible liar and she knows each of his tells. There hadn’t been any, but the truth is… she’d rather accept that he’s been able to lie this whole time then that.

He looks like... weathered stone. Something hard, but soft under a gentle touch, under time. Soft in the face of kindness, but not any less deadly because of it. “I am,” Jason confirms.

Kira tries to breathe. “Then why tell me?”

“Because…” he steels his expression over and the softness gives way to steel. “I want to give you a chance to get out.” He steps closer and reaches for her hands, holding them as he has before. She lets him, out of a loss of knowing what else to do.

“Why?”

Her eyes lock on his, looking for the anchor she’s always found in them, but all she can see is stormy waves. The ship is gone, it seems, under the spotlight of the truth. His identity. He wasn’t just another normal civilian.

“You know why.”

She shakes her head, slow. “No.” It speeds up, her hair swishing with the movement. A hand falls from his grasp. “I don’t.” She can’t. Her fingers begin to tremble. She fists her free hand against her hip, digging her knuckles into the bone. Stay calm.

He’s not— that couldn’t be why he’s trying to spare her. Why he wants to, even though they’re not the allies she’d originally believed.

“You can’t,” she tells him. “You can’t.”

It would be much easier to deal with this if he didn’t, if that was another part of his lie. It would make a fool of her, be humiliating, but she can deal with shame.

She doesn’t know if she can deal with this.

“I do,” he says. Steps closer. Wraps a hand around her elbow and holds her jaw with the other. “I love you.”

“You can’t,” she bites back tears with a harsh snap. She’s not sad. She’s angry. Maybe a little hurt, but mostly angry.

She jerks out of his hold. He lets her.

“I could go report you,” she says, hooking her thumb in the direction of home base. She doesn’t know why she isn’t running to do so. It doesn’t appear like he has any intentions to stop her.

“You won’t.” He’s trying for brave, she thinks, but his hands are tense at his sides and his shoulders are too squarish to be relaxed. Too stressed to be confident. He doesn’t know. He’s hoping.

Kira licks her lips. She knows why she isn’t running. “And why not?”

She knows why she’s still talking to him. Staying. Not reporting the threat, the intruder, the spy in their midst.

She loves him, too. Or did.

The persona, at least. Was he any different? How much of him was the farce?

She doesn’t know how that holds up in the face of sudden transformation, him stepping under a light she thought was too broken to work in his proximity. Traitor.

“Because,” he whispers, “you always find the good in people. In me. Can’t you still see it?”

The implications of that are horrible. Tragic. She ignores the implications. She tries to see the good. All she sees is dripping blood and ringing explosions.

Slowly, her head shakes.

She can’t see the good. Not when she knows the bad that’s been lurking behind it this entire time.

“I’m sorry,” she tells him, taking slow and careful steps back, like reality will shatter if she moves too quickly or does something too harsh. She’s trying to grapple with her conflicting emotions. She has to go.

Has to. No choice.

The tears are welled in her eyes enough that his figure is wobbling.

“Please.” He lifts an arm and she stumbles away. “Do it…” his eyes close and open again, “do it as my favor.”

Her heart stills. Her hands go numb. Everything just kind of halts. The world seems quiet, no cicadas buzzing as white noise.

“Your favor?”

Is that someone she still owes him? Does she still owe her life to a man who saved her if he’s part of something that wants her dead?

No. She doesn’t… doesn’t think so. One doesn’t equal one thousand. The scales are not even.

This doesn’t change her lack of choice.

“It wasn’t for anything,” she tells him, mind reliving flashes of that day. The pound of his heart, the terror in her throat, the way he’d kept her safe from a hail of bullets. “Just practically.” This doesn’t fall under that umbrella.

Things like this are why she always pairs anything and everything with practically and almost. She’d hoped that it would never come to this, of course, that that tiny statistic wouldn’t come to bother her, but…

Well, she didn’t have a choice in that either.

“Kira—”

She turns on her heel and flees to base. Fear nips her heels — what was he going to say? Would it have been enough to make her see his side? To spare him?

She demands a meeting with the commander. Her adrenaline has run out, weightlessness now crushing. “Sir,” she greets as she walks in. She swallows all the happiness she’s had in the past three months. “I have discovered the identity of a spy.”

His brows lift automatically, attention snagged before he can ridicule her for improper conduct.

“It’s Jason,” she says, and the name feels heavy and bitter. Dark chocolate. Like that bar he’d smuggled in for her after she’d admitted it was her favorite, a guilty pleasure she never got to partake in. She shuts the memory down. No. She can’t think about his kindness now.

It’s too late.

“Are you sure?”

She remembers his admission, soft like a knife wrapped in satin can’t stab just as deep as one not. “Yes. I’d bet my job on it, sir.”

His face hardens, murder hidden in the wrinkles, and Kira tries to crush the bit of love that’s drowning in her.

She can’t love him. Not with what she just did. With what he is.

She sits on a bench and does nothing as he’s found (he hadn’t left that spot, had stayed there, even knowing that it would mean his capture) and chained and denounced. Labeled a traitor.

He doesn’t fight the accusations. He accepts them and tries to look in her eyes as he’s dragged off to a cell.

She doesn’t meet his gaze, but still ends up drowning. That’s something she doesn’t need the blue of his eyes for, apparently. Or maybe the simple memory of it is enough.

Either way, the stutter in her heartbeat and the faded warmth in her hands, her elbow, her face, the depth of his betrayal and the sting of hers; it’s enough to drag her under.

She takes her paid week off to mourn what she didn’t see. She’d been too busy swimming, apparently, to notice the upcoming riptides.

She drips tears onto her pillow and swears not to make that mistake again. Still, calm waters can be more deadly than any storm.

*****

I’m oddly proud of that weathered stone comparison. Don’t know why, but I’ll take being psyched over my own writing where I can get it. I just think it hits a little different, don’t think I’ve seen that before.

#gtpatcreatober #writing #writeblr #creative writing #writblr #my writing #nikkywrites #creatober #Kira #Jason #Kira and Jason #tragedy #Romeo and Juliet gone wrong #I do actually love this piece though #I have a thing for tragedies #they’re just so captivating

2 notes · View notes

pepperstrawberry · 4 years

Text

Verdant Flame (working title)

Okay, I’m running with the suggested title.

This post is going to be just putting thoughts out there about how I’m going to do this project, possible ideas of how to publish, and what major changes I’m going to roll with.

I’m going to put it all under the cut so I’m not wreaking havoc on your dash. X3

Before the cut: For those somehow not in the know (like, how could any of my followers on Tumblr or Twitter not have caught wind of the bonfire of gnashing teeth much of the Magic LGBT+ community is dealing with right now, I don’t know, but just in case, and especially if this post is seen later): WAR Forsaken dropped and with it Gruulfriends went from canon to retcon in a way I didn’t expect: Biphobia and erasure among other issues. I’ll talk about the mess itself later, but for now, lets adress what we are doing as a community and what I”m doing in particular.

The basics is that we are kinda rebelling against Wizards in what small way we can; but being creative, interesting and having fun with the canon. Take the means of production, canon is ours now!

But for me in specific, I’ve been playing with using Chandra and Nissa as well as the world of Magic to create frame works for stories I wanted to tell, but until now I boiled down everything to its basics because I just wanted to use frame works and use tropes as jumping off points. But now? Fuck that, I’m thinking about pulling an E.L. James, but good.

What does that mean? Well, E.L. James literally wrote a fanfic, changed some names, and published it. So screw it, going to do the same over here. I’m going to take a step or two further back then she did, since 1) Wizards/Hasbro might not be as nice as Stephenie Meyer and 2) I feel like I can be a better writer then E.L. James.

So, how will this project play out? This is where I make a cut and we get down to business:

First: How to publish?

I think if I’m going to make this a thing, I’m going to have to go with self publishing and do these in short stories. I’m not sure how short, but I feel like once I get the ball rolling, I want to just keep going. If I’m taking years to put out one book and you guys are waiting that long for it, I’m going to loose steam and you are going to loose interest. This is definitely a ‘strike while the irons hot’ situation.

And the iron is near melting right now.

Second: What is going to be the basics and how will it differ from MtG Lore ‘Canon’?

First and most obvious is that I need to figure out what I can keep and what needs to be changed.

As I said above, while I am definitely in the mood of ‘you know what, this is ours now, fuck off’, the fact is, the law is the law. If your work is too similar to another, you can get in some heavy trouble.

I’ve covered some of this in my other posts about this, but I’m pulling this into one spot with the new info to make it easier for me and others to find.

World: I’m going to use analogs of each of the planes of MtG to make countries and kingdoms. It’s a lovely short hand and will make the world building go that much faster... Tricky part (much as the characters) is renaming things and setting it enough apart that it isn’t exactly the worlds and what not from MtG.

The main ones I’m going to use are:

Zendikar: Still going to be the land my ‘Not-Nissa’ hails from. First step is to just fully expunge the eldrazi history and effect. I am thinking about having some sort of ancient thing buried there, but in a very adventure-y feel of like an old dragon or some other powerful creature.

Kaladesh: Still home to ‘Not-Chandra’, still a place of one-ness with nature and artifice. Debating on how much I should carry over the sense of Indian aesthetic. Like, I don’t want to be window dressing like the actual Kaladesh is, but at the same time I’m not sure how well I can make it feel ‘right’ in that regard. I think I’ll keep the plot idea they started, but carry it through right.

Theros: Not-Gideon and Not-Elspeth will definately have history here. There won’t be actual gods, though a great power they attribute -to- gods will exsist. Which brings me to wonder how I should handle the cosmology... especially when we are talking about

Innistrad: I envision a very gothic, germanic country side, probably bordering Not-Theros. There will be a cult that worships a great power hidden on the moon. I’m going to use this as an opportunity to do a thing that came to mind when Emrakul locked herself away...

Vryn: I’m not sure if or how I’ll use this since we know so little about it. Might just cut it and have my ‘Not-Jace’ come from somewhere else. Hell, might just cut to the chase and make him connected with my Not-Ravnica. And speaking of...

Ravnica: Obviously a major trade hub and likely a center piece of the setting. Not-Jace, Not-Vraska, Not-Kaya, and Not-Ral all would be seen here. I think i’d also take all of the Fiora stuff and fold it into this so that I don’t have too much going on in the world and can pull together a lot of neat characters from that set too. Not-Marchessa might be fun as a side... well not ‘villain’, but definitely not helpful to our heroes... usually. X3

Ixalan: Pretty easy; coastline adventure. Just use any ideas from the block for pirate based shenanigans. Not sure if I will write enough to get to this sort of craziness, but it would be a lot of fun if I do.

Amonkhet: Not sure if, when, or how I am going to use this. Though a desert region might be fun. Might combine this with Regatha and that plan that Teyo comes from.

Kamigawa: I mean, really, this is ‘japan: the setting’. They went so hard on the Japanese lore here that it’s not going to be hard to make my own with little effort or consideration. Do expect there to be a Not-Tamiyo. X3

Alara: To be honest, I was never too big on this plane, but then it was a big deal years ago and I never really ‘set foot’ there. I mean if I did use it, I could use it to sorta map the bigger world’s zones? But that feels too much like the silly ‘elemental nations’ angle. Worked well for Avatar, but won’t work here.

Eldraine: I’m thinking about using this as a rough overlay of the main areas and goverment and what not tied to and surrounding my not-ravnica. Not sure. I haven’t finished the book yet, and it’s hard to get a solid bead on the details of the world without the old uploads, the clear posting of lore that used to happen (remember how we all knew what was going on with the color pie/race spread of Kaladesh?) and just having mostly the cards to go one leaves me wanting a bit. Not to mention they aren’t making the art books anymore. FUCK. I liked those. They needed to be improved not canceled T3T ... anyhoo...

Dominaria: Given what Dominaria now is to magic lore, I think I’ll set it as the history past. This world IS my Not-Dominaria.

I’ll figure out other planes as I go along, though I might just stick with what I got here. Adding in more is going to muck up the world I’m crafting. I may be taking parts that aready exist and remixing it (which, if we are honest with ourselves, is really how we tell stories in the first place, I’m just leaving my ‘mix’ lumpy XD), but I do need to concetrate more on the characters. I can’t introduce a new land every book. I need familiar ground, routes that readers can follow, places characters can be from that matter.

Speaking of characters:

Characters: Again, the idea here is that you should be able to recognize them to some extent, but I sitll have to work with the ‘legally distinct’ Not-Gatewatch... So here is what I got so far:

Chandra: What we keep: Fire based magics, brashness, cute. What we change: Not much. Most of her changes are going to be involved with the way I change the world around her. I think the big difference is instead of having her ‘planeswalk’, when her family gets hunted, they end up traveling toward the border, and she ends up running, getting lost, and finding herself on the steps of a (monastery). Also... no one would hate me for going ahead and making her trans, would they? Like, by the story proper’s start, she’ll have a woman’s body (or maybe that could be a part of her quest?), but I do like the idea. X3 It adds more of a personal touch to my Chandra.

Nissa: Debating on if I should keep her an elf. Keeping her an elf AND keeping the nature magic might be too alike. If not Elf, what should I make her? Still, the basics of her story are that she is looked down on, shunted to the side. stuff that leads her into being more comfortable on her own. Chandra is going to help her out of her shell, but only due to her honesty and clarity.

Gideon: No inviciblity. But definately going to keep him being the classic hero type, but with a genuine heart of gold. Going to change up his armorments from the sural to a short sword, buckler, and a lance/javalin? something like that. Hails from Not-Theros, has taken residence in Not-Ravnica

Jace: Trans man. Doing that right from the start. I know it was some folks head canon for a long time, and I see nothing wrong with making it canon here. Going to have to play with his past a bit. I think I’m not going to bother with the memory erasure. Instead, he trained as a spy with some mental powers and illusions. After betraying his original handler (someone that was a part of a different country), he defects to the not-ravnica and gets wrapped up with that stuff, eventually going out to help other nations in an effort to unite the continent or something... I’m kinda forming stuff as I write this. XD

Liliana: Still a necromancer. Going to cut out the deals with the devils. Maybe one, but not four. Might still have marks, but it will be more from her own magics rather then a contract. Still served a terrible master, but maybe with less strings attatched (or at least she thinks so). A friend in a discord suggested I have her have a binding on her bother as a lich vampire hunter. I’m warming to the idea, but still need to work out the details. I like the idea of her regaining her youth, that might even be the first story where Not-Chandra and Not-Nissa interact.

Vraska: Will end up in a relationship with Not-Jace... but I’m not too keen on keeping her a gorgon. I like the look of her ‘hair’, but I might just go with straight up dreads. Someone suggested making her some form of Naga, and though I’m not big on taking away her legs, the idea of some snakish relation is not out.

Ral: Inventor. Jackass. Friend of Not-Jace, has a Gay lover? yep, keeping all that. I think most of his changes, like Chandra, will be more about how the world around him shifts do to how I write rather then actual character changes.

Kaya: Keeping the Assassin, and can fight Ghosts. Still fleshing this one out. Likely to have ties with whatever I do with the Orzhov still. I adored the whole being hired by Teysa and ending up in charge thing, though I’m not sure I’ll go quiet that far? Mmm

Jaya: Still a mentor to Chandra. Less mystery around her though. It’s going to be less ‘she was the founder of our group’ and more ‘an adventurer that chose to settle down in her old age’ or something. And yes, the cookie scene I drew a comic for a while back will be in the story X3

Karn: Golems are a thing in fantasy, I don’t see a reason to stop now. But the Urza history is going to be retired. I think he might be an invention of someone in the current world and ends up as a helper to Not-Chandra and Not-Nissa at some point.

Jhoira: I’m thinking grand daughter to Not-Jaya. I like her and I want to keep her, but I like the adventure her. Might have a rivalry between her and Not-Chandra. like a friendly one. She might even have a bit of a chip on her shoulder as she doesn’t have fire magic, but Not-Chandra does.

Rat and Teyo: Might might not. The cast is getting big already, we’ll see. Might have them as a duo from the start with a sort of ‘adventures in the sewers’ thing going on.

Ugin: Not a dragon, but definately a powerful being. and still has that stick up his ass. Often wrong about what he thinks should be done, but his heart is genuinely in the right place. Going to make Not-Mizzet his son maybe?

Nicol Bolas: Bastard, got a plan, and it will be similarly a slow build, but he is going to be less ‘has his hands in everything’ and more a ‘mmm, I could use this’ sort.

Alesha: Fuck timelines! This woman is a friend of Not-Chandra and helped her discover herself. Whether she rides with her people near... wait... OH GOD I LOVE IT: Something I literally thought up while writing. She and her nomadic bandit team travel the roads between many lands, and they find young not-Chandra. After coming out as being a girl, Not-Alesha is what helps solidify her sense of Identity. After showing off her fire magics and how uncontroled they are, adding in how young she still is, they drop her off with the (monastery) XD I’m loving this change already.

Oviya: Still Chandra’s Auntie. Big change? Her lover is still alive, because fuck that noise.

Olivia: Plans. Hungry.

Avacyn: Doesn’t exists at the start of the story, but thinking about having her be created during it.

Sorin: Not sure....

Still thinking about a lot of other characters. I’ll get to them as I go.

There is also the Guilds of Ravnica to consider... With those, I think I’m going to keep the identity but not quite the orginizations. At least not so directly. Like not all of them are absolute ‘guilds’. There is less straight up organization. But there are definately a strong sense of jobs and a loyalty to those you work with...

Story:

And then there is the story itself. I think I’m going to start it with Not-Chandra meeting Not-Gideon much like before, but the goals are that he is traveling on a mission to see what is going on in Not-Zendikar. The seers/mages/whatever have been sensing some shit going down in that area and it’s close enough to the boarders of not-ravnica to check out. He and Not-Jace pass through and Not-Chandra gets curious and follows. She is going to meet Not-Nissa on the way. The four become a team and face down a nasty threat to the land and uncover a old history of Not-Zendikar that might need to be followed up on.

That can be book one.

Book two can be Not-Liliana’s introduction. The four, having worked so well together, are made a team by Not-Ugin and charged with trouble shooting all around the realm and seeing about maybe making more allies for Not-Ravnica. They find an old woman and they help her regain her youth... and in her they find an old villain. But the world has changed since last Not-Liliana walked the lands outside her keep. And it turns out that Not-Olivia, a vampire queen, has been making a name for herself. There are other darknesses afoot in her territory. For now, she would offer the team aid... as long as it suits her.

I think that can be book two

A return home would be the third story. Yes, this is kinda following how the stories were flowing at first, but after this one things are going to shift. The return home will bring Not-Chandra in direct confrontation with her past. The big changes I made to that and to Not-Kaladesh become big here. I’m thinking this is also where Not-Jhoira hangs out. The war behind the scenes is brewing, but it’s only starting. The all out mess won’t be till a later book.

What will happen in the story though is the confrontation with Not-Baral, Not-Chandra almost nuking herself in grief, and Not-Nissa being the anchor she needed. This will be the point of confession.

And so on... I’m not sure how far I’m going to go with this, but I want to try to push as many stories, but with as high quality as I can. Can I do it? I have no freaking clue.

I’ll post more as I go. For now, the working title is Verdant Flame. If I change it, I’ll continue to use the title to tag all the stuff I do till I go back and add the new title to old posts.

Now to transfer these notes... and figure out names. you don’t know how tiring it was getting adding ‘Not’ to everything.

And for those really keeping score: Why yes, some of this -was- what Dragon Quixotic was. There is enough difference between the two worlds that I feel confident that I can keep them as separate stories now.

#Verdant Flame #Gruulfriends #fuck canon

24 notes · View notes