#I still need to watch more of the anime...... and yet im still coping <- ive come too far FDSDHGF

[bunstoybox]

Not feeling too good atm, so drew this to cheer myself up arhghgghghg

#🤡🏴☠️ Comedic Waters #self ship #self ship art #self ship community #art #I still need to watch more of the anime...... and yet im still coping <- ive come too far FDSDHGF #current mood;; want to wear his silly cape as he comforts me ERMM #<- normal

[just-jae]

Hazbin Hoetl 5-6

Spoiler warning!

Not gonna lie, at first I was cringing a bit at Lucifer. I was expecting him the have, like, grace and baddie energy. but he's talking to himself pretending to show off rubber ducks to a crowd.

And of all the potential dynamics he and Al could have had, competing father figures was NOT on my mind at all dude. Al? Dad?

But, I watched these last two episodes a couple (okay maybe several) times over and, it's really growing on me. It was definitely the predeveloped impressions getting in the way of really enjoying these characters. Even the irks I had about Alastor aren't really irks anymore, especially with "Dad beat Dad having much better animation and a banger number for Al (seriously wtf he's horrific in this episode)--

"Could you butt out of my song?"

"Your song? I started this!"

"I'm singing it, I'll finish it!"

Before, I was seeing it as how well they pull off my (and arguably the long simmering fandom's) idea of these characters instead of how well the characters as they actually are are told. So many people thought this show would be a super serious deep dive on Christianity and commentary on religion itself. But at this point, it really feels like Heavan and Hell are metaphores. They focus a lot more on personal issues like relationships, coping mechanisms, flaws like nievety, displaced senses of self worth, etc.

Charlie's idea of what "gets people into heaven" is naive and brochure-like. Adam gave a literal list of three items that seemed overly simplistic (and turned out to be wrong).

But at least they had some idea about it. The higher angels themselves had no clue whatsoever, their only concern was preserving the status quo. And even when things are called to question they fall back to old ways just bc they're scared to change anything. Sera didn't have any malice toward Hell, she just doesn't want to make things worse, having Angels fall, have Hell attack Earth or Heaven, have more evil spread, by changing things.

Getting a better idea of what all of this is about makes it so much easier to appreciate things I initially was put off by. It just has a context that it fits into now.

Lucifer being this disillusioned depressed dork with "yeaaaah, No." energy fits into what we've seen of heavenly culture (uncanny innocence, annoying teen pop-culture energy, being perfectionist yet blind to their own flaws)

And The "Hell's Great Dad" song really broke the ice, especially when Mimzy busted in singing ITS MEEEEEEE-- like

Love her. I wasn't expecting to see Mimzy AT ALL since she was removed from the main cast. And after seeing people talk about her and how they were wondering about her, it definitely felt like popping in the way she did was a response to that. Even I was wondering bc you don't just drop a former love interest for a character like Alastor, but still have them show up in the pilot-- I wanted to see Mimzy lol.

like literally:

"It's MEEE, It's MEEE,

I know you were all waiting for MEEEE!

I'm Here, what a GAAAS,

Took a while but I'm here at LAAST"

Like, im sorry but I felt like she was pointing at me personally, not the other characters, and that was hilarious.

It's so random but doesn't feel out of place at all somehow. The tensions were already super high, so a random screaming woman busting in with even higher energy is like-- wtf?? :'D??

She was a blast the entire time tho, and actually tied into the reoccurring theme of only reaching out to someone so they can do something for you.

It also definitely pinched a side of Alastor, irritating that he does apparently NEED to be there, there's some obligation he actually has to the hotel, or at the very least some stakes to not holding things together, not bc he defended the hotel but bc he specifically says "I can't have that here" , he also doesn't refute the claims Mimzy makes about him. Al clearly adores her and isn't surprised by her antics at all yet still tells her to leave. With the mention of Alastor's "leash" in the same episode BC of Mimzy was just such a great way to use her character. A fun entrance, thematic relevance, and a great plot device to reveal more about Alastor's situation and motives.

Like I said, at first the food tasted cold. I was thinking to myself "Eh, nothing really that crazy ig" but the more I watch the episodes and get over whatever my expectations were, the more I enjoy what's there.

Like, at first I was thinking, "Oh no Lucy's another akward dork, a normie, a loooooserr" (not that being an akward dork or a normie is bad but those were the vibes I was giving off, I'm sorry)

But I keep watching "Hell's Greatest Dad" and NOW it's like

LOOK AT HIM< LOOK AT HIM GO

Like, he's fugghing adorable with the "WAP BAP BOOM"

the puppets and the circus imagery, and just the innocent unmalicious enthusiasm. He's stumbling around over barely knowing his daughter and is now sprinting to make up for being so absent-- and even that absence is implied to be due to chronic depression and pining, missing heaven and having to live in hell forever, not only being the one who supposedly created it by accident, but tried and failed to fix it, even having his own theme park ripped off by a deadly Sin. The show calls it out bluntly, but despite his cheery tone and, yeaaah, no, yeaaah, no" attitude, they did a great job showing that his depression manifested in detachment and disinterest. It sucks for the people it effects but it also sucks to be the one who dropped the ropes in your relationships.

So seeing him brjghtenup and glow over just helping his Charlie put her hotel together was great. He feels useful and wanted again. And imo it's a double edge sword as well if Lucy feels like he has to be useful to be a decent dad.

So, idk. I guess I do want to see how he handles trying to be in Charlie's life again, especially since, at this point Alastor knows and has supported her more than he ever has-- despite the rough beginning and the mockery. (Also Lilith's face being faded out was sus af)

I'm convinced that in Al's case it's definitely not from a genuine place, at least, we still have no reason to believe it is. He was glaring at Lucy as soon as he walked in, and the nearly every comment on how great his relationship with Charlie is was also a jab to piss off Lucy instead of a genuine expression.

A performance, in short.

Still, the fact that someone who's only just met Charlie has a better relationship with her than her father has got to suck to realize if you're the father.

Also-- the scene at the club-- I was pretty mixed about it, like, doing drugs, itself isn't bad-- it can be unhealthy and it can put others at risk if you're resigning your cognizance and self control for the sake of coping with stress-- so it can very easily enable bad things, especially if you become addicted, so,imo is pretty wreckless and definitely a vice. But it doesn't make you a bad person.

But then again angels also seem to think premarital sex and promiscuity is bad too. (Promiscuity puts you at risk for disease, and like drugs can be driven by vices, but, again, the thing itself isn't bad and can still be a healthy practice when it comes from a healthy place)

I'm genuinely proud of Angel for actually growing though, seeing him take care of Nifty and protect her from Val got me on the "Fuck em up" energy. It's always great to see a group of friends watching out for eachother when they know there's a danger to what they're doing-- ESPECIALLY when one of them is new to it all. That's why if you ARE going to do drugs or drink or whatever, definitely don't do it alone or without someone you trust with your safety.

And also never feel like you have to do those things to maintain relationships, some people feel like it would be an insult to imply they dont trust someone or just for being disinterested in their offer. And, frankly there are people who will prey on that.

That was just a great scene. It had some flaws, but was still great.

Also--

PENTIOUS

I HATE

BROTHERMAN MADE ALL THE MISTAKES.

"Bc I'M HAVING SEX WITH EVERY--"

THATS NOT WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY YOU FUCK

Also, not gonna lie but Sera's got me like

Its been a while since I've been down bad for a femenine character.

She is beauty, she is grace~

#hazbin hotel #spoilers #commentary #sir pentious #alastor #charlie morningstar #lucifer morningstar #seraphim #angel dust #sera #brownthoughts00

[tomboyyyaoi]

SOOOOO many more thoughts than last week ok

how much time has passed since ww's experimentation? i like the idea of him not ageing faster but just ageing to a certain point and continuing from there? or ageing to a certain point then being stuck like that? but bc the time is indeterminate and we dont know how old he was when he was sent off (kinda like the manga) im gnna keep assuming hes an adult and not caring♡ not my problem♡ also of we take the fact rollos whole thing was 20 years ago and the doctor still looked the same in both wolfwoods and rollos flashbacks then??? idk, im not jumping to anything yet, the time is still uncertain just like it was in the manga and honestly? thats fine by me im absolutely smelling an age discourse revival and i will be killing myself im abt to be so brutal with blocking new fans i can tell

nick been smoking that zaza since he was fresh out the womb

livio and nicks relationship. im bawling. they r brothers. im on the floor...

legato giving me mean twink vibes for this version im actually loving it hes such a petty insecure bitch "dont talk about my hair" *breaks nicks spine* LMAO i love him, he made me giggle, i love a petty gay villain whos genuinely a threat

meryl REFUSING to let the investigation go. her boss is like "its getting a little too dangerous for us we better scoot back 2 office" n shes NOT having it, her reckless driving and complete dismissal of whatever rob says, i love u queen

THE BACKSTORY SEQUENCES and wolfwoods hallucinations were animated so beautifully... omg.

not enough of livio yet to get a read on his characterisation but. please be a little similar to the manga at least. please.

lil nick n livio r so cute. they r so little. putting them in the blender.

rob couldve entirely been like "no meryl we need to go back" but the fact he still let her drive and still let her pursue the steamer with his only protests being stern warnings tells me hes a little curious to know what the fuck vashs deal is

wolfwood and vash absolutely fucking screaming at eachother. couples quarrel♡

i am SO excited for BDN next week

seems that the gung ho guns are basically blended with the eye of michael at this point, it did click they havent been calling them the gung ho guns so i assume they just. merged them together. pretty cool, not a bad choice

vash being quite cold toward meryl n rob, his honestly really mean response to wolfwood calling them his buddies stabbed me in the heart a bit, but is that a coping mechanism for him to not get attatched or is it an actual effect of him forcing himself to detatch from people so its easier to leave them. ouu. it hurted me a little. it did. EVEN WOLFWOOD CALLED HIM COLD FOR IT AND HE JUST KILLED A MAN LIKE. YESTERDAY

ok thats all i can think of rn gnna go watch the ep again see u all next week

#trigun #trigun stampede #holy shit man.

[vase-of-lilies]

Anxieties

Pairing: Wanda x (f)Reader

Warnings: Panic attack, insomnia, domestic Wanda (it’s a warning), death of a dog, missing your mom :( 

A/n: I had a panic attack a few days ago (a year ago) because we had to put my family's dog down. She was a very loved dog but she was old and it was time. She was my family's best friend since we were all really little and I wish she lived longer, but she’s in a better place now.

It was as normal a day as any, a lazy day in your girlfriends red adorned apartment. With your nails in your mouth and your leg bouncing like a basketball, Wanda could sense something was off with you. “Hi little one, how are you feeling today?” She asks you, startling you as she sits down on the cushion just adjacent to yours.

“Oh, you know. J-just the usual. Worrying about nothing yet worrying about everything.” You nervously giggle at your sentence, not really going further into how you feel. Wanda certainly didn’t want to push, but she knew how much it meant to you when you were able to get things off your chest.

Wanda sighs as she sees your leg bounce even more and decides to ask you what is on her mind. “Do you want to talk about anything? You didn’t eat your breakfast and I noticed that you have been wearing the same shirt for the past four days. Babygirl, do you need anything?” Her hand softly tickles up your arm and when she asks, the one thing keeping you in conrtol today broke. The damn tears broke, and you were left as a human water fall.

“J-just I m-miss my dog, and I- I miss seeing my mom s-so happy, and even though I wear this necklace, sh-she still isn’t here.” You burst into tears, crying into Wandas chest. Your tears soaking her shirt. “I just feel so a-alone and even though I know Im not, its that overwhelming feeling o-of loneliness that takes over my mind like a plague.” You explain how your anxiety levels are making you feel.

“My mind can’t tell the difference between getting maimed by a lion, or taking a simple math test. I worry about everything, and I don’t know how much longer I can do this.” Your words are muffled, but she can understand what you mean. Worrying about things that are out of your control was a normal occasion and Wanda had helped you gather a coping basket. She reached for it and held it in front of you.

“Can you choose one to take your mind off of this? We can always go take a bath, and you know the bed is always warm for just you and me?” She smiles against your head as she presses small kisses to your skin, watching you think about what distraction you may want to choose. However, more tears fill your eyes and you wail into her chest.

“I- I can’t even choose something to help me without b-being indecisive!” Wanda nods and shushes you as best she can as she puts the basket down, grabbing your one favorite stuffed animal from the basket. “Look little one. Mrs. Lambie wants to help you. Do you think you can open your eyes and tell her how you feel? Can you open your eyes for me?” For her, of course you would.

Lifting your head up, she caresses your cheek with her thumb, wiping away any excess tears on your skin. “Its ok, baby… you’re safe with me and you know I will always take care of you. Right? How about we get in the bath tub and then afterwords we can go get some ice cream and call your mom?” Wanda suggests, wanting you to get everything you want to done.

“Can I get extra toppings? Pretty please?” You look up at her through puffy and red eyes, a small and hopeful smile painting your soft lips. A nod solidifies your question, and I lean in just a little bit. Wanting Wanda to make the final move.

You smile as you graze her lips and she makes the finishing push and presses her lips to yours. “I love you little one,” she murmurs against your lips. “I love you too Wandee…” You murmur back, a smile finding its way to your lips and your tears finally calming down.

“Now let’s go get in the tub, and then go get some ice cream.”

#Wanda x you #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff x you #Wanda Maximoff x Female reader #Panic attack #insomnia #domestic Wanda (it’s a warning) #death of a dog #missing your mom :(

[vaugarde]

Top five anime

oh god forgetting every anime ive ever watched

5. fullmetal alchemist brotherhood/2003 (very different shows ik but i can never decide which i like more). i really love the world presented in these shows, i love the themes of how human we all are at the end of the day. i love all the ways they play with science and real life alchemy, and all the interesting things that come from it... like how do you even come up with alphonse's entire ordeal? it's so unconventional and yet it's handled near perfectly and we get all the drama and situations that come from a boy being tied to a suit of armor.

4. death note. tbh i mostly agree with what everyone else says about the show, it's super engaging and it's fun to see the game of cat and mouse that L and Light play. both of them are super interesting characters and its fun trying to figure out their plans only to be thwarted. again, it's a non conventional idea, but death note embraces the fantasy aspects really well while being more focused on the corruption of light and him trying to keep himself from getting caught. sadly tho i do have to agree with a lot of people that the latter half of the show with nate isn't nearly as good. i like the stuff that happens like light's dad dying but i just kinda missed L the entire time

3. cowboy bebop. this is a show i might have to digest some more bc it does require more thinking, and i may have to rewatch it to fully appreciate it, but i really enjoyed it! space western is a genre i've never thought about, but it's a very natural combination and I think this show really captured that. I love it's main theme of living in the present, it's kind of unlike most shows i've seen. at first i didn't appreciate not having the backstory of most of the characters since they seemed so important to the episodes, but that's kind of the point. we don't NEED to know every little detail about their pasts. because the show is about the present and how they're coping in spite of their pasts. and it works because it's unfair how these people are still suffering for what happening in their past, even despite everything they've accomplished in the show. it's a very bittersweet show and i enjoyed it. also i love edward. baby

2. trigun (i havent finished it yet though). i can't say much abt the entire thing but i LOVE all of the characters a ton. i love vash himself the most, i love silly characters that are actually extremely genuine and tragic at their core. he's got one of the most compelling backstories i've seen so far and i'm excited to see how his arc concludes in the show. the other characters are also extremely good! i love meryl and milly a lot and how they're actually kind of more of a threat than vash, and how they have a vitriolic relationship with him but grow to genuinely care about him. wolfwood is also a good character to pair up with vash in a lot of episodes because he's got different ideals, and also the gun cross makes me laugh. idk i love the world and these characters and im excited to finish the show.

puella magi madoka magica. im aware that on its own, its probably not nearly as good as these other shows, but at this point the show means a lot to me. I've got a lot of good memories associated with it and its kinda helped me at a time i needed it. i love all five of the main characters a lot and each of the struggles they go through. it's another show where it's world is fully utilized in every way it needs to be for the story to work. i love all the psychological horror elements and how they're presented in an almost uncanny way. the art is beautiful and the witch labrynths are fully realized. this show is so good i can't emphasize enough how dear to me it is as this point

#honorable mention to way of the househusband though bc its very fun #and ofc pokemon is a massive honorable mention as well just bc like its integral to me at this point #but feels weird to put it besides these shows lol #mail #epiousios

[theutiarchives]

Jan-July 2023

It’s been a while since I posted and a lot has happened since. To be honest for the most part (feb-jun) of this year was awful and I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. I don’t even know where to start and this would be a huge post if I wrote down everything that happened and all the details, so I’ll just summarize:

• I tested negative finally for high risk HPV, I still had one strain positive from last year and it finally cleared. I definitely think the investment on some supplements (and diet) was worth it. I wasn’t going anywhere before with the traditional approach of “waiting and watching” and things were getting worse. Since I started my protocol things definitely improved and “fast”. The not so good part is that the deep pelvic pain I started to feel as soon as I became intimate with my partner is still here, and I now believe he passed me something that ultimately became a permanent problem although HPV is dormant. And no, I don’t have any visible problem and all tests are negative and I did pelvic therapy that didn’t help. From symptoms, it fits endometriosis (I have Adenomyosis confirmed) but I’m not doing a laparoscopy anytime soon.

• Treatment for SIBO with herbals gave me diarrhea with weight loss although my stools turned temporarily brown with Berberine and neem. I was already underwheight and had to stop. Rifaximin after, didn’t give me diarrhea but didn’t solve the yellow stools and by the end of the treatment also triggered my gut (although no diarrhea) with further weight loss. I hit my all time low after this. Very underwheight, even my period became irregular. Zero energy, and a bunch of stomach pains immediately after..

• I developed gastritis and intestinal pains and tested positive for H.Pylori. Natural treatment didn’t work and my functional doctor eventually had to put me on a PPI and do the conventional antibiotic therapy that by the way is extremely aggressive. I developed severe gastritis, housebound, in a lot of pains 24/7 and sleep deprived. For months I couldn’t work. I was a wounded animal sitting in a couch all day. Tbh it’s psychologically hard to describe these months so I’ll just leave it at this.

• After Pylera (antibiotics) my gut was even worse, as expected, but it worked for Pylori. My diet is now extremely limited to what my stomach can cope, and I’m eating only very bland foods well cooked and non-acidic until the stomach walls fully recover which can take many months to a year. I believe that by the time I did Pylera I developed ulcers, such were the pains. I have to eat still very frequently, every 2h or so and I’m finally getting better. It took me a month after the therapy to get off PPIs and I’d be much more comfortable if I were still on them but the side effects are no joke and for SIBO is definitely not good, my gut hates the PPIs so I got off of them as soon as I could. I endured the acid rebound pains although I tappered slowly. I’m now able to work and go outside as long as I take all the food I need with me at all times and keep eating frequently. Im not kissing or sharing anything with my partner (saliva wise) for the next foreseeable months. A lot could be said about this, and how unnecessary this is but I have my reasons regardless of what any doctor says.

• Gut: As for the yellow and loose stools those still continue and are overall worse than before especially the yellow part. Bile issues have been discarded a long time ago and if Berberine and Neem temporarily worked, means it’s a bacterial problem. Although I’m sensitive to fats - but also a lot of other things - so, a conundrum. All carbohydrates even low FODMAP ones give me yellow stools. I don’t have any Candida though and have done antifungals. I’m a puzzle. I wasn’t sensitive to gluten at all although I’ve been gluten free for over a year - yet recently with the gastritis I tried white bread and the intestinal pains it triggered were insane. I also have pains in my cecum and ascending colon every time the stools are firm, which means somehow they put pressure in that area when passing. I don’t think I have a ileocecal valve dysfunction but my functional doc at this point doesn’t know what else to do with me. I’ll be pursuing other avenues if I can in the future. The majority of supporting supplements either do nothing or make me worse, and my stomach can’t handle them now (gastritis). I’ve seen another gastroenterologist - supposedly one of the bests in the country - and the gaslighting and mistreatment was such I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I went to a psychiatrist, forced by this doc that told my family this is all in my head. Ignoring the positive test for pylori and my gastritis pains! And ofc the psychiatrist didn’t find anything wrong with me, just said if there was something that couldpotentially help would be amytriptiline. I was on it for a while but because it solved basically nothing at all the psychiatrist told them there’s nothing mentally wrong with me.

• These past few months I had significant discussions with family and even partner. If I wasn’t struggling mentally before, there were many times where I felt I was starting to break apart. The sleep deprivation (from pains), the inability to work or leave the house, coupled with lack of moral support, hurt me, and there are things I heard I don’t think I’ll be able to forget. Including from my partner, that was always supportive but at some point he wasn’t, and some things he said (for me) were a red flag.

Everything is better lately though. And if there is one positive thing is that for the first time in 2years I managed to gain 2kg after pylori treatment and with the gastiris diet. I had lost 10Kg. Still have a long way to go, I have nutritional deficiencies and I don’t even want to test my ferritin at this point.

• There are many layers to all of this, a lot of details I skipped. If anyone has doubts I’ll answer any questions. I still can’t get over how Cefuroxime for the bladder managed to turn my stools yellow and triggered everything I’m going through now. Oh, as for bladder I had one post coital infection (e.coli) after the Pylera therapy because I couldn’t keep up with the proper dmannose dosage on empty stomach- I managed to treat it under 2 weeks on high dosages of Dmannose at the expense of stomach pains (empty stomach hurts like hell for gastritis, but it’s the only way dmannose works properly for me). But all of this confirms what I initially felt: I am still dependent on dmannose for post coital infection prevention. Although it works now and before fulguration it wasn’t enough. What I don’t have anymore is those random and frequent flares (in my case, full blown UTIs) all the time.

As if all of this wasn’t enough, my mother underwent major surgery to remove half her pancreas and spleen, due to pre cancerous cells. She’s still in hospital, and now I’m having to take care of my parents house, my father, and still take care of me and cook and eat every 2h and pause when my stomach starts hurting.

I have no idea when I’ll post again, but I will at some point when I have new and significant progress.

(as an European non-English native please feel free to correct me) Take care 🌿

#uti #bladderfulguration #gutissues #ibs #sibo #h. pylori #gastritis #antibiotics #health journey

[deleteddewewted]

Hi! About that post of aizawa having toxic traits, can you explain please? Im an anime only but i absolutely don't mind spoilers. I couldnt find any explenation online either :((

Hello! This took way to long to post, so i'm really sorry for that Anon. But hopefully this explains why Aizawa is who he is and why I emphasized him having toxic traits.

I wanted to write it all out properly and hopefully make sense to my previous post. There is a lot going on here and because of the image limit i couldn't post more manga panels showing important moments, but this should explain some of the basic points.

I will be using the Vigilantes manga, My Hero Academia manga, and the My Hero Academia anime as evidence/support since these are the ones that canon.

Aizawas Toxic Traits

MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW

Lets start off by determining a few things:

Just because you have trauma, doesn't make you immune to the consequences of your own actions.

Just because you have a mental illness doesn't mean you can't be a shit human being to others.

Just because you're a victim doesn't mean you can't be an abuser.

You can't project onto others. It's not a healthy way of coping and you're harming other people.

You're expectations can be to high.

Anyone, no matter what, can be a bad person.

Now that we have those things out of the way, lots move onto the supporting evidence.

In Vigilantes, Aizawa suffered from the tragic loss of his best friend Shirakumo Oboro. This caused him to become very focused on his training while neglecting himself and the relationships he had around him. But let's first address why Aizawa is so attached and affected by Shirakumo's death.

Aizawa in his younger years lacked the confidence he thought he should have when it came to his quirk. His quirk wasn't a physical one so he felt like he wasn't deserving of even pursuing the hero career. He couldn't commit to helping someone without overthinking or seeing himself as lesser then. He hesitated instead of acting. He still cared about how he was being perceived.

This is where Shirakumo would come in. He was everything that Aizawa wasn't. He was loud and likable, people had high hopes for him, and worst of all his quirk was physical. He had people in his life that he would cherish and wouldn't hesitate helping anyone out.

This is why the incident with the cat, which is the first time we see young Aizawa and his then mindset, is important.

Aizawa hesitated to help the kitten while Shirakumo just picked it up and took it to school with him. Another difference was on the actions they took with the kitten. Aizawa gave his umbrella to the kitten so it wouldn't get wet. This resulted in him getting drenched and showing up to class looking upset with himself. Shirakumo showed up wet as well, but he also had Aizawa's umbrella in tow. He saw Aizawa hesitate and give the kitten his umbrella yet he didn't confront him nor did he mention it. He knows Aizawa even when Aizawa didn't pay him any attention. Shirakumo gave Aizawa his umbrella back and presented the class with the kitten which lead to everyone praising him while Aizawa silently watched him do something he couldn't do. Aizawa did, and very literally, do the bear minimum. Shirakumo did more then that by not only providing comfort, but also safety and other basic necessities.

Shirakumo would also stop Yamada from teasing Aizawa when he was being self deprecating. He prevented others from teasing him and overall, he acted as some sort of guardian for Aizawa even when the teasing came from his own "friends". He provided Aizawa with safety when there was no real need for it. Aizawa wasn't looking for comfort nor a closer relationship, yet he went back for more because Shirakumo gave more.

I think this is where we see why Shirakumo was more likable in Aizawa's mind and memory. All of these scenes are from Vigilantes and are from Aizawa's perspective. Meaning that all of these scenes were Shirakumo is basked in light and looking so...i guess for a lack of a better word, beautiful, is Aizawa seeing him as more then just his classmate and friend. He doesn't do this with Yamada or Kayama, only with Shirakumo. I'm not saying that Aizawa had a crush on him (i'm keeping this as far way from ships to just look at the points but it has been hinted at that Aizawa may have had stronger feelings for Shirakumo.) Aizawa loved Shirakumo, thats why he was so attached.

Love isn't something that can come only from wanting to spend the rest of forever with someone. It's not something you have to feel romantically, it could also be platonic (AnD tHeY WeRe RoOmAtEs.) In this case i take it more as Aizawa had Shirakumo be his anchor, to act as a stopper for all of his negative thoughts. He became close to him and opened up to him more than he ever could with Yamada because he was not only charming but forward with him. Let's keep in mind that Aizawa, Yamada, and Shirakumo have been "friends" since the start of their first year.

Aizawa held no real liking to Yamada or Kayama, even though he did spend time with them (he's a tsundere so he acts like he has no real friends.) The only times we ever see him truly smile or seem happy is when its with Shirakumo. (I can sense the ship war incoming.)

He consistently compared himself to others, rejected the notion of being friends with people who showed him genuine affection. Everything after a certain point began to revolve around Shirakumo and Aizawa's dependency on him to make things better in his life, to help him find himself. Many would think that being close to someone isn't bad, which it isn't, but to the extent Aizawa found himself being close to Shirakumo and the neglect he showed to the others didn't help improve his independency either.

(Take note that in almost every shot of Aizawa, Shirakumo and Yamada hanging out with each other, Shirakumo is always in the middle. Again, Yamada teases Aizawa a lot and Aizawa clearly takes no joy from it.) Even here, Shirakumo is always depicted as being by his side. Yamada eventually replaces him but prior to that Aizawa kept Yamada at a distance. Again, i don't think Aizawa hated Yamada or Kayama, but what i'm trying to explain is that he didn't want the same closeness he had with Shirakumo with them. He was already close to Shirakumo and to him, that was enough.

Let's also look at this scene. Aizawa and Shirakumo are having a casual conversation about how Aizawa feels like a failure and doesn't understand why he has to be something he's not. Shirakumo doesn't invalidate him, he instead agrees with him and asked him to try it out at least. Key word is "try".

The thing that we can also point out in this scene is that Kayama perfectly knows how Aizawa is feeling and knows that pictures of Sushi (the cat that Aizawa and Shirakumo saved) would make him happy. She could have taken him to see Sushi or even followed/waited for the both of them to speak after the failed mission. Instead, Kayama gave Shirakumo the oppurtunity to help ease Aizawa's emotions down. Kayama is fully aware that Aizawa wouldn't listen to her, wouldn't bother to take what she had to say about the mission into considerations so she left that job to Shirakumo.

So How Would This Translate to Any Toxic Traits?

If you go and read Vigilantes and also the MHA/BNHA manga and anime with this new context of Aizawa's character, you'll be able to pick out why he's so harsh on his students off the bat.

Aizawa once was dependent on someone to keep him on track. When he lost that person he isolated himself from his own friends. Neglected his own wellbeing and proceeded to treat his students the same way. He didn't see children figuring out what they want to do with their lives, he saw adults and treated them like adults. Just like he was treated after Shirakumo's death. The damning thing here is in the relationship he holds with everyone from his past. Not only does he not address his "friends" by their first name while they address him by his, he also has this distance to him and Yamada.

Aizawa does care about Yamada and Kayama, i'm not undermining that. What i do want to point out is that he treats them like work colleagues. You'd think after knowing someone for over a decade, spending extensive amounts of time with them, seeing them grow with you, improve themselves, move forward after suffering a tragic loss of a loved one, you would speak to them like the were family or just someone close to you. You would call them by their name. Not in this case.

Aizawa is not only a great manipulator, which we can see in the way he consistently deceives them into thinking a certain way/thing, he's also great at lying to himself. Toxic traits are seen as things that are harmful and damaging to the individual or individuals around someone. In Aizawa's case we have self deprecation, a constant impulse to place themselves in danger (yes he's a hero, but he sometimes doesn't stop to think that others can take care of themselves), and we also see him project a lot onto other people. Such as his students and most importantly Shinsou.

(Don't get me started on the fact that Yamada is forcing himself to process his friends death via humor while Kayama is crying and trying to stop.) His students are the greatest examples of Aizawa being reminded of Shirakumo, specifically Midoriya. Aizawa is always on his ass about him being self sacrificing, ironic since Aizawa himself is also self sacrificing but in a different more degrading way. Aizawa would tell Midoriya to "tone it down" and "think before he acts". Shirakumo was also all action with the main priority being to help others instead of himself. He was able to befriend nearly everyone with no problem. His students are eager to learn and as we soon learn (couldn't add the manga panel) Aizawa purposefully suspends or outright kicks out his own students from UA. He calls it "A Death". Just like he himself had to suffer threw when Shirakumo died. But there's a difference, he didn't get the emotional, mental, and physical preparation to cope with his best friends death. He felt like it was ridiculous not to teach the concept of being "heroic vs suicidal". In his eyes, Shirakumo was "suicidal" because he gave up his own life for his instead. We also learn later on that Aizawa suffers from intense 'Survivors Guilt' and feels that getting the chance to live a long life in comparison to Shirakumo was unfair. In the War Arc he ends up screaming that he couldn't allow himself to die because of the sacrifices that those around him, Shirakumo and another pro hero, made for him. So he isn't living because he wants to, he's living because he feels like he has to.

He consistently projecting onto others and attempts to justify his cold demeanor towards his own friends and students with the lenses of "preparing" them or "guiding" them. Yamada clearly knows why Aizawa is the way he is and so does Kayama, they all suffered Shirakumo's death. But while Kayama copes by taking care of Shirakumo's cat, Yamada is left to pick Aizawa up while being discarded by him. Aizawa clearly cares for others but he prefers the idea of holding "light bonds" so that when he dies or the other person dies it won't hurt as much.

(Erasermic shippers you can join the chat for this.) Yamada neglects his own emotional health to support Aizawa and in return he suffers for it. He can read him like a book and knows that the relationship that they both have with each other isn't healthy, but he stays. Part of it is because he cares and the other being that Aizawa is as dependent of him as he is of Aizawa. Yamada reminds Aizawa of Shirakumo because of there demeanor but he isn't fully him so Aizawa doesn't relax around him and still keeps his walls up to create that disconnection. We can also see how Aizawa sees All Might as Shirakumo. Remember that Aizawa not only "hates" people who are loud and obnoxious but also holds a great disinterest on quirks that are physical and the attention they catch. This isn't a Shinsou case were the guy hates physical quirks because it prevented him from being who he want to be, this is about how Shirakumo who held a physical quirk would always use it to make a grim situation bright just like All Might who would juggling pillows and throwing people around like nothing to entertain (Look at Vigilantes to understand this). Both All Might, Yamada, and Shirakumo share these traits and since Aizawa didn't want to take the time and wasn't given the time to grief properly, he essentially closed himself off and never fully processed everything.

Am i saying that EraserMic is a toxic ship?

No....not necessarily. I'm not saying any of this to shame anyone for there ships, i personally don't have a preference and just support them all (as long as it's adult/adult and minor/minor.) Aizawa and Yamada in MHA aren't the perfect example of a couple and we only truly see them be on the same page during the War Arc since they both discovered a bunch of truths regarding Shirakumo and his fate.

Yamada personally holds a lot of guilt because he contributed to Shirakumo's death (again look at Vigilantes for the entire context as well as the main manga.) The most damning thing is when he finds out where Shirakumo is now. Kurogiri is made from Shirakumo's body as well as the dna of other people, essentially making him a Nomu. Aizawa and Yamada find out during their interrogation with Kurogiri after Grand Torino tells them. Yamada during the big battle has a scene with one of the villains (trying not to spoil more then necessary) and is told that the whole reason for the villain attack that ended in Shirakumo's death was actually intended to kill Aizawa and take his quirk to than use his body for Kurogiri's.

The reason why this relationship is toxic could be based on the fact that it's co-dependent. Yamada relies on Aizawa and is practically attached to him because he has abandonment issues, while Aizawa only stays around him because he reminds him of his best friend who had the same personality type. Yamada is Aizawa's enabler because he doesn't know what else to do. He doesn't want Aizawa to leave him because the guilt of his "wrong doings" would eat at him. With Shirakumo, he would have had Aizawa focus on the right track again while still being nice to him and Aizawa would have taken that advice and followed threw with it. Yamada is offering a lack lustered replacement while Aizawa only gives back the bear minimum because he's emotionally incapable of giving more.

#mha #bnha #shota aizawa #bnha aizawa #eraserhead #yamada hizashi #mha hizashi #present mic #midnight #mha kayama #mha nemuri #bnha hizashi #oboro shirakumo #shirakumo #kurogiri #mha spoilers #major spoilers #angst #mha anime #mha manga #vigilantes manga #mha theory #mha analysis #mha character analysis #ask #erasermic #allmight #aizawa x hizashi

[creacherkeeper]

im getting a little too in my family feels today and so INSTEAD of feeling those im just going to ramble for a second about why i fucking love paladin!aelwyn because. im. just like this i guess im coping leave me alone

cw for discussions of child abuse, maladaptive coping, drugs and alcohol, self harm, destructive tendencies, basically everything we see in canon and the implications

aelwyn is ... SO interesting to me because for as much of her interiority as we see, as much of her as we think we understand, as much as i could ramble about her character for hours, we know ALMOST NOTHING about her in actuality?? (besides ... one key thing)

(this is like 2k and probably incoherent someone please stop me)

okay. listen. almost everything we see aelwyn do in s1 is maladaptive rebellion against her parents and home life. the drinking, the drugs, the partying, perhaps some of kalvaxus (though i dont think we fully understand how much of that was forced on her as well, kalina WAS watching her when she was talking to adaine about it). you can say like, oh aelwyn is a party animal, she's impulsive, she makes risky decisions, she's bitchy and rude, and its like. okay but IS SHE ACTUALLY. because under her parents thumb she had an EXTREMELY limited amount of freedom, and usually when people are suffering from very little control over their life, they WILL act destructively over the tiny bit they can, either harming themselves or their environment or people lower than them in the pecking order, because in a way, that feels like a reclamation of autonomy. saying "you have so much power over me but can you stop me from hurting myself and destroying what you havent managed to claim yet?". its just like, kind of what human brains do and frequently has little to do with a persons actual personality or impulses, its just. desperate brains trying to control SOMETHING because autonomy is a fundamental human need and when thats taken away we get. very bad off. (this is one big reason eating disorders are SO common with abused kids.) so i think a lot of the s1 aelwyn we see is like. this is a very desperate, abused teenager "acting out" in the only way it is possibly somewhat safe for her to do so because, on a psychological level, the self destruction is weirdly the only emotional tether and its either this or just dissociate all the time (something we do see she has problems with in canon)

and yes, she did treat adaine horribly in s1. she fully did. obviously what we get in canon is what happens but a moment thats interesting to me is in episode 1 where adaine has attacked aelwyn several times, who either does nothing or just bounces it back, when she says "i never cast spells at you" and siobhan immediately retcons it and says "yes you do, all the time" (i havent gone back and watched this bit so i might be wording this wrong). obviously its an improv show and the canon is built between performers as they go, but that was interesting to me. that brennan hadnt intended for her to have fought back in that way. she definitely feeds into the emotional abuse from their parents and participates in all the toxicity there, but we know in canon that she did that because of overwhelming fear and self preservation. and that her self hatred because of it just fed back into the cycle and made her feel like she wasnt good enough to even try to break free from it. this is very common in golden child/scapegoat sibling relationships where the golden child SEES what the parents are capable of and becomes a participant in the abuse out of fear for their own standing. in any way siding with the scapegoat child not only directs abuse at themselves as well, but frequently makes things WORSE for the scapegoat because the parents will take out the challenge to their power on them even more. so, if aelwyn DID ever try to defend or help adaine when they were small, she would have VERY QUICKLY learned that made things worse for everyone. and just. sectioned that part of her brain off, as she's done with so many other things. (and i dont think im reading too much into the forest scene with the abernants to say their parents were VERY QUICK to turn abuse towards aelwyn if she stepped out of line even a little. like, you dont flinch when a hand moves unless. you know. dont need to say it just something to think about. as far as we saw in canon, she had done everything they asked of her leading up to the forest, and we DONT KNOW what happened in it but we do know brennan specifically called out how in broken spirits she was when adaine was summoned, even though they did the ritual to avoid all of the nightmare bullshit)

(the house party is literally a whole separate post but i think its fair to point out that 1) she was super under the influence when that was happening which DEFINITELY is in no way an excuse for her behavior but worth remembering when trying to analyze that 2) her losing that fight did canonically have DRASTIC consequences for her and even if she didnt know exactly how that was going to turn out, i think she knew how bad it might be. and she did not know adaine or any of the bad kids were going to be there in the first place)

all that said, it feels in some ways counterproductive to say that aelwyn is an extremely devoted and protective person (yes we're getting to the paladin shit i know i've been rambling a while) but i think that thats strangely ALL WE ACTUALLY KNOW ABOUT HER. because we've established that her self-destructive and abusive behavior in s1 is almost entirely psychologically scripted for her by her parents, we dont know how much of her villain shit in s1 was LITERALLY UNDER THREAT OF DEATH because we know at least killing the oracle was and we dont know how much of the rest of it was mandated by either her parents or kalina other than that she probably was under orders not to tell adaine the truth, and we know participating in all of this caused extreme self loathing in her that she refused to show to anybody and was too terrified to act on in any way

so, like. what does that actually leave us?

here's what we do know about aelwyn:

- of all the schools of magic, she went into abjuration

- the entire bbeg plan from season 1 hinged on aelwyn's complete faith that her level 1 sister was the most prodigious diviner in the world

- right after (?) the house party, she locked her memories where only adaine could find it with a note basically saying "theres so much bad blood between us but i know only you could find this"

- she desperately wanted to protect adaine and the fact that she was too afraid to do so made her hate herself (and her knowing that adaine now knows this is the turning point in their relationship)

- despite everything, even in the nmk forest, she still loved her parents

- the SECOND she is shown genuine love and affection and care from adaine, and adaine says whatever you do, i am here with you, all her actions from there forward are just about protecting adaine from their father, very nearly at the cost of her own life

- with what she probably thought were her last words (and would have been if adaine hadnt given her the tincture), all she wanted to communicate was how to help adaine and the bad kids, and how despite everything she had always believed in her

- at five levels of exhaustion, unconscious, she used her first spell slot after nine months of torture to build a shield around adaine

NOW we get to paladin!aelwyn. because, once everything is stripped away, the abuse and the control and the maladaption and the threats and the torture, EVERYTHING we ACTUALLY can glean about aelwyn's personality and inner core is that she's protective and devoted. and of course classes arent locked by personality, but that just screams paladin to me. its her WHOLE THING. adaine even says "wizards dont have heals, we dont care about other people" and of COURSE that isnt true for either of them, but? mechanically? aelwyn chose the wizard school that DID let her protect, and DID let her help, but i dont think, at this point, going forward, thats really going to be enough for her (and we could also talk about the parallels between them, how often adaine uses her portents to help other people)

i think a lot of the different reads on aelwyn come from this fundamental disconnect between her actions and displayed personality vs who she actually is and what she actually wants. and i think there are very different interpretations of what thats going to look like for her going forward. but i think, for a girl who's most hated characteristic about herself was her self preservation at the detriment of others, her perceived selfishness, and her fear ... isn't choosing to be braver and more selfless and more protective and shedding that self-preserving instinct for the betterment of others ... and MECHANICALLY being able to act on all those things ... the logical next step? i think its going to be a LONG TIME before aelwyn can love herself, but what other way is there to try? if adaine loves her, and adaine believes she can be better, isnt being better because she trusts adaine kind of a form of self love? saying, i dont believe in myself, but i believe in the person who believes in me, and maybe, in a roundabout way, thats the same thing. she was never able to TRY to be better before, because trying to improve even a little, even when people arent watching, when a harmful force has so much power over you and your actions ... like, the mental dissonance is honestly TOO much to even try, thats WAY more terrifying than letting yourself be bad, to the point where thats psychologically impossible for a lot of people. but now she actually has space and freedom and CHOICE and she CAN embrace the instincts she always had to shove down, she CAN be the person she knows her sister needed her to be

i dont know, i think theres an inherent love letter to yourself in wanting to be better and wanting to improve, even if you justify it by saying its for someone else. and now aelwyn actually CAN improve, and thats probably going to be extremely awkward and scary and there will be set backs and backslides for sure. but. i dont know. i think she wants to make up for lost time. because she never wanted the time to be lost in the first place. and if a protector is who she always wanted to be, whats stopping her from being that now?

#fantasy high #dimension 20 #aelwyn abernant #WHO LET ME WRITE ALL THIS #does this even. fucking. make sense. who knows. #THE BRAINROT THE BRAINROT THE BRAINROT

[amelka-anxiety]

HE HATH LITHP (^///^)

okay so for context, i wrote this in the midst of february at like 2am, please ple a s e, tell me if you wanna see the conversation i had at the bottom of the document with my co-writer @woffleinthebasement

He hath lithp.

Philza’s POV- 3RD PERSON

Phil had been living with Techno for quite some time now, so of course he knew about his friend's regression. However, he had yet to experience taking care of his younger friend; Techno had previously, reluctantly, agreed to having Phil take care of him if he ever regressed. This seemed to come in handy when Techno was having an especially difficult day dealing with his voices. Phil came back to their small cottage after cutting down some trees for a barn; they decided they could use some animals near the house, it would be easier. Phil’s intentions of relaxing next to a fire were quickly interrupted by a soft sniffling coming from Techno’s room.

Techno’s POV- 3RD PERSON

The voices were being absolutely intolerable today, so much that Techno could barely function. He was sat upright in his bed, trying his best not to regress on the spot; his mind was so exhausted from all the nagging that came from the voices, he just needed something to help reduce the stress, and his only safe coping mechanism was, unfortunately, this. The more he tried to stop himself from getting smaller, the more his mind got foggier. It was safe to say that within the first 10 minutes of this behaviour, Techno was deep in his headspace. The boy couldn’t help but start crying, he was in babyspace and the voices weren’t calming down one bit, the experience was terrifying to Techno, you couldn’t blame him. His eyes shot up as he saw his bedroom door slowly open; the only thing on his mind now, other than the voices, was making himself look presentable, however, being in such a young headspace, that was pretty difficult to do. He slightly calmed when he saw that the person before him was Phil, but he was still embarrassed, this would be the first time that his friend had seen him regressed, and ,hopefully, took care of him.

Philza’s POV- 3RD PERSON

Phil entered the room calmly as to not worry his ,very clearly, regressed friend. As much as he wanted to get right to fixing the issue, he couldn’t help but stare in utter awe at how adorable Techno looked. Shaking his thoughts off, Phil warily made his way to sit next to Techno and started rubbing his back which seemed to help the younger. Once Phil deemed Techno calm enough, he asked him how old he was feeling, just to get a grip of how he’d have to treat Techno. Techno, adorably, replied with ‘ ‘m twee’ as he held up two fingers. Phil just couldn’t help but chuckle to himself at the youngers actions, and that was when he noticed what he heard, and audibly gasped. ‘You have a lisp!’. Techno shyly nodded and hid his adorable blushing face in his sleeves. Phil sat the boy on his lap and watched as he played with his fingers, his heart practically skipped a beat when Techno started counting on his fingers, ‘ one, two, twee, fouw, faib, thith, thebin, eigh, nwain, tin’. Phil hugged Techno with as much force as he could, ‘I love you so much Techie you’re adorable.’. Techno, once again blushed and tried to hide his face but Phil lifted his chin and..

BOOP!

Techno felt a finger smush against his snout and it was like a button, it made him giggle for minutes on end, especially when Phil started tickling his sides. The sight was adorable to see, just a father-like guy helping his upset friend.

BONUS!!

Techno awoke to a sweet smell coming from their kitchen, Phil was probably making pancakes again. Techno stumbled out of his room to see Phil, infact, in their kitchen, making..waffles. Well darn he was close, when Techno yawned was finally when he noticed what he was wearing, an oversized hoodie and sweats, that only meant one thing, he must've regressed. Blush covered his cheeks as he realised that Phil must have been there too. ‘Uh.. hey Phil O-o’, Techno awkwardly said, to which Phil replied with ‘Oh hey Techno mate, how are you?’. Techno said that he was fine and decided that he should ask about what was bothering him in that moment. ‘Hey Phil uh.. So last night was I-’, Phil cut him off with a nod and a smile on his face. ‘So you know about my l-’, he said, to which Phil responded the same way. Techno sighed as he prayed that Phil wouldn’t tease him about it in the future; Phil was a good guy but, you can never know. Phil just patted his head in response and assured him that it was okay.

IM ACTUALLY SO PROUD OF THIS FIC LMAO

#little!techno #little!technoblade #cg!philza #mcyt age regression #agere community #sfw agere #sfw little blog #sfw little community #sfw #sfw littlespace #sfw regression #sfw smolspace #sfw agre #sfw blog #sfw little stuff #dream smp agere #agere mcyt #mcyt agere #techno mcyt #mcyt #dream smp #technoblade #techno #philza minecraft #philza #dsmp

[saltwatersweetner]

End Me

Eren x Reader

A Prequel of Sorts. Eren never fought for control preferring the security of your hold on him but you could never fully domesticate a wild animal it seemed.

Part 1 Part 3

CW: Manipulation, Toxic Relationship, Attempted Murder, Unhealthy coping mechanisms all in all mildly unsettling themes.

Eren knew how to be good—painfully so. He also knew how to be bad—concerningly so. He was a creature of habit. He did whatever he decided was best for him at the moment and maybe thats what lead you to your current stare down.

“Eren I said move.”

“Fuck what you said.”

Frowning you tried to think what honestly could have brought this mood upon him. It couldn’t have been because you were going out he always understood your random need to socialize. You also can’t remember purposefully setting him off, not in the mood and you weren’t completely cruel to ignore his random—even for him mood change—more in tune to your partners mood swings and emotions than you were to you own.

Carefully reaching out for him you raise an eyebrow when he moves away from your—for now—gentle touch “Are you really upset or just being a brat?”

“Stop talking to me.”

Huffing you choose to ignore his attitude and slip your coat over your shoulders just in time for a knock to be heard from the front door. With Eren on your heels you open the door for your friend.

“Y/N I called but you didn’t answer so I just came up.”

You get a flashback of Eren throwing a tantrum not even 30 minutes ago and launching your device from you 6th floor apartment “Yeah I dropped my phone off the balcony but lets go—Eren be good.”

His glare turns even more deadly when Reiner politely wraps an arm around your shoulders. Closing the door behind you Reiner laughs into the quiet hall “Be good? What is he your dog?”

“Something like that.”

Reiner was a friend an attractive one at that and Eren didn’t like it at all. He hated anyone that was even remotely close to you because you already didn’t like anyone but with Reiner it was different. You let him touch you and hold you.

Eren hated it, he hated it so much—and to make matters worse you didn’t care about his feelings—not one bit.

After a night of bar hopping and watching Bertholdt make a fool of himself in front of Annie, Reiner once again brought you home.

“It was nice seeing you, without your guard dog.” The face he made at the thought of Eren wasn’t a nice one.

“Aw sweetheart don’t be mean.” Reaching up you hold his warm cheek in your slightly chilled hand.

You knew jealousy when you saw it, could detect the slightest change of emotion when it was presented to you. He leans into your hold like a cat seeking out affection—much different than Eren’s wild way of seeking you out.

“Don’t be jealous my dear use your words.”

Reiners face was slowly moving closer to yours and you smirk in amusement. It would seem you had a knack for catching the attention for boys who were looking to be controlled.

“Y/N....”

Your door swings open before Reiner can kiss you and Eren is looking beyond livid. Reiner freezes his fight or flight telling him to run but you keep him steady with your palm.

“Were you waiting for me?”

Eren’s nod is slow and deliberate his eyes still glaring at the nonexistent space between you and the blond.

“Then that ends our time together, goodnight Reiner.” He shivers in what you think is glee from the acknowledgment of the time you spent with him.

“Goodnight.” He doesn’t acknowledge Eren any longer and hurries out to the elevator.

Turning back to the aforementioned boy you make a motion with your wrist “Move.”

When he eventually does get out of your way your hyper aware of the way he sticks to you almost like glue. Throwing your coat over the back of your couch you stretch and lead him to the kitchen.

“You hungry? All I’ve done is drink tonight I could really eat—“

He swings you into the wall by the neck. The alcohol in your system made it incredibly difficult to feel the pain you knew was blossoming up your back so all you could do was stare at the man before you.

You saw the endless sea of madness that unlike you he didn’t bother to cover up. Everyone found the look endearing on him like he never left that childishness behind but you knew the truth.

You could slowly feel yourself starting to suffocate. You didn’t bother panicking because as it had it Eren had all the power right now. If he or you moved the wrong way your neck was as good as snapped.

“Why did you let him touch you?”

Putting a calm hand on his wrist you try and fail to alleviate some of the pressure being forced down on your windpipe “Why. Does. It. Matter.”

Eren was breathing unevenly stuck between fighting his impulses and actually causing some damage “You’re mine you’re—you’re not supposed to—“

“Says. Who?” That makes him let go.

As it would have it you and Eren weren’t dating in any shape or form but he belonged to you. You brought him pleasure that he couldn’t find anywhere else. He was entirely devout to you and you only, all on his own fruition. From the moment he’d accidentally bumped into you and saw through the mask you wore. From the moment he stalked you from the moment he’d shown himself to you begging for salvation.

He wanted to play the game—wanted to be entertained in the morbid way regular people would get sick to their stomachs at—and you let him. You found him amusing enough to keep around but you refused to belong to anyone but yourself.

He was losing the game and fast. As his god you couldn’t be bothered with feeling bad for him.

“Now we can eat or you can sit here and starve whats it gonna be?”

Eren looked terribly unwell like he was about to fold in on himself “u-um eat please.”

You’d never seen him look so unsure before and it made you excited. How would he cry for you next? Would he try to fight more, yell and scream? Or would it be silent and broken?

Flicking your wrist you busy yourself in the kitchen “Good choice, go sit.”

He does as he’s told mumbling words to himself along the way. Was it cruel? Maybe. But you couldn’t be bothered considering how much of a thorn in your side he’d been all day.

You wanted to break him more and till he was nothing but crushed up stars slipping away in the wind. You almost felt bad for how much you were going to ruin him.

But he was your property after all to do with what you wanted. No one could stop you even if they tried. Especially because he let you and thats what made keeping him around so worth it.

You didn’t have the capability of feeling anything close to love no matter how fond of the boy you actually were. So you settled with ownership—they were damn near synonymous anyways.

So you proceeded as normal—well as normal as you are. You order the food you feed him and you move on to wash the dishes. He’d eventually get out of his feelings because he didn’t have the mental capacity to dwell on certain emotions for too long. It was all but routine now.

“Eren bring me whatever dishes you left lying around.”

“...ok.”

Filling the sink with a mixture of water soap and a drop of bleach you wait patiently for the boy to bring what you requested. Turning off the tap You almost get impatient when it seemed like he was taking forever.

“Eren—“ you’re grabbed by the back of the head and shoved face first into the sudsy water.

You try with all your strength to get your head out of the sink but Eren just doesn’t stop. He’d never...hurt you before? Never acted out in this manner it startled you maybe.

And you were slowly but surely drowning.

When he finally does let you up you drop to the floor taking in large gulps of air. Your eyes stung from the mix of bleach and soapy water and you were suddenly freezing.

“Dont,” you look up to eren to see he once again wore that livid expression.

“Dont you ever think about leaving me do you understand?” His breathing was already heavy but now it was slowly turning into hyperventilation. “I’ll kill you I’ll fucking kill you if you ever l-leave me.”

You watched him begin to sob, dropping on his knees he crowded closer to you looking every bit of the victim he made himself.

“Im sorry I’m good I’ll be good I swear!” He tries to touch you but you smack his hands away making him sob harder.

You knew Eren you knew him. His inclination of violence had never been towards you and yet?

“Hit me hit me hit me im sorry please im good I promise.”

Those were the only words that made sense to you in the moment. You were a violent creature by nature one who prioritized your own life before anyone else’s, you’ve never done anything you didnt doubt you’d be able to get out of and yet? Eren had surprised you and not in a good way.

Your eyes come back into focus and you see the pitiful look he wore as if he hadn’t just almost killed you “Hit me please?”

And so you do.

You punch him right in the face with all your strength causing him to fly back against the tiles and you don’t stop there. You let out all the frustration from your near death experience out onto his body completely aware of the blissed out smile he now sported.

Regardless your mind was going 1 million miles per hour as one thing became clear. Eren was slipping out of your control and fast. One day you feared he’d be the one in control and that wasn’t a game you wanted to play.

You’re in control.

You were IN control

You not him.

You.

You freeze. Fist inches from his face.

It was like your body was in forced reboot you couldn’t move your thoughts finally spiraled too far and too fast for you to reach.

You weren’t in control?

Starring at the needy expression on his face you came to the horrific realization that maybe you’d been playing in his hands all this time. He’d been able to get anything he ever wanted out of you—he knew it too.

Did you really—no you couldn’t be right?

“I’m good see?”

Wrong—you were in so fucking deep.

Slowing your breathing you lower your once trembling fist “Get. Out.”

“Huh?”

Climbing off his chest you wipe the remaining water off your face “Get the fuck out I dont wanna see you.”

Eren hadn’t expected this outcome considering how hurt he looked “B-but where am I supposed to go?”

It was a stupid question you both knew he had his own dorm to himself but he’d been so used to sleeping with you every night that he couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.

Rolling your eyes you til your head “I dont care.”

“I cant sleep without you.”

“Cry about it.”

Hauling his shocked form up and out of your home you slam the door shut and immediately turn all three locks ignoring his soft cries from the other side.

Pulling at your wet shirt you could feel the breakdown coming. How did he do it? How’d he make your carefully crafted control snap?

Going into your room you lock that door as well before snatching the throw blanket from the end of your bed and a pillow. Going into your walk-in closet you close the door behind you and navigate in the dark to the farthest corner and sit.

You sit and sit and sit and sit and sit...and then you scream.

You scream until your lungs are raw and your voice is gone and you’re not sure when exactly you started scratching at your face but the stinging thats left behind is brutal.

You needed to think.

You needed a plan.

You needed—fuck you didnt know.

But you did know Eren was about to become a much bigger problem.

#eren yaegar #eren yeager x reader #eren jeager x reader #aot x gn!reader #aot imagines #aot x reader #snk imagines #snk x reader #reiner x y/n #gn!reader

[letthefrogsbe]

remember when I was gonna write that parkner fic?

cool so I've decided I'm gonna, but because I cannot write for SHIT and I hate my writing every time I see it, ill just share my outline of what I have so far. its not coherent. sorry. 

Section one: aunt may dies. It’ll be like “it's been 3 months. 3 months since May was shot. 2 months and 3 weeks since she died.”

Something like that idc. Basically this section will base around peter living tony, because he’s not doing well, and he is only 17- which is not actually old enough to be on your own after something like this. Setting is established, with cameos from dr strange (who tony is dating and lives with (yeah bite me, this is my fanfiction i can make it what i want.) it will be made obvious that this takes place after endgame, which also means that tony is Not going to die. I’m not that mean lmao. The avengers are like largely together, there was not as much death in this as there was in endgame. Whatever. Everyone is very nice to peter because they know that for him its either this or him becoming a ward of the state so like.

Section two: harley gets kicked out. His mom finds out that he’s gay (from gossip sources idk) and kicks harley out. Im not going to write them having a big fight like in the moment, but harley will recount what happened somewhat to tony in this section, and then more to peter later in the story. Gay ppl trauma dump, we know this. Okay anywaysss so harley calls tony literally sobbing and like freezing fucking cold. IM SORRY IM BEING SO MEAN TO THEM I PROMISE THEY'LL GET A HAPPY ENDING. Okay. harley explains how his mom kicked him out. Tony asks why, harley says something like “she didn’t agree with my lifestyle choices” like bitterly. Tony is a good person in this (i know, im really taking some character liberties) and he’s in the mood for collecting strays apparently, so he has happy send over the quinjet. He can’t make it himself bc hes in fucking japan or something for the next few weeks,, but. Yeah! Tony also calls peter, who is presumably in bed and feeling depressed. “Hey pete. How ya feeling? Any better?’ ‘Not really, tony. Sorry.’ ‘you don’t have to be sorry-’ ‘damn tony you sound like my therapist.’ “sorry pete, but i do have something to tell you- you know harley?’ ‘only from what you’ve told me about him, but yea. He was the tennessee garage kid, right?’ ‘i mean. Yes. so- he’s gonna come stay with me for a while too- it might not be permanent but it will probably be a bit. He’s about your age, and he just has no where to go (just like u). He’s not going to stay in your room or anything, but with bruce and thor here, he will be in your apartment area.’ ‘okay tony.. Will i have to talk to him a bunch?’ ‘not if you don’t want to- i already warned him about you, so it should be okay. I wouldn’t worry so much pete- you guys are so similar in a lot of ways that i wanted to introduce you two long before he called me.’ ‘okay tony, i trust you. Thank you again for letting me stay with you :)’ (yeah that kind of got away from me)

Section 3: build up. this is a shorter section. Harley and peter are gonna meet in section 4. This section is harley’s jet ride (with an intuitive happy) and harley’s nerves about how he really isn’t worth this (i mean hes pretty intimidated tony sent a private jet just for him) and happy like reassures him. Hes still insecure though. Peter is also nervous bc what if harley doesn’t like him? What if he doesn’t like harley?? Tony did say they would get along, but peter hasn’t really been himself recently, so who knows? Yeah lots of that. I do want to emphasize though- peter is not completely unhealthily coping. Like he has a therapist and he has been reaching out to ned and mj, but its still an open wound for him. Obviously. He still has a sense of humor though, but its to cover these deep insecurities. Like the first month or so that he was with tony, he was reallllyyyy trying to not get close to him bc he sort of thinks he kills everyone around him. Like logically he knows this isn’t true, but he does really think the that non superheroes that he surrounds himself with are very at risk if they know about his spider-man-ness. The only people who know now are ned and mj (may knew too).

Section 4: the meeting of harley and peter. Keep in mind peter has been living in this apartment/area of stark tower for about 3 months now. He actually moved in while may was in the hospital because he couldn’t stand to be alone in the apartment when he knew why may wasn’t there. And um. Yeah. so peter is like comfortable in this space, basically. Also- the reason theyre in the same apartment is because stark tower was not really created with the idea of housing broken orphans in mind, so it only has a certain amount of residential space. Thor and bruce are currently staying there together (although no one really knows if theyre together, or if theyre just best bros who went through some extreme trauma together and are now inseparable. Hmmm wonder if thats gonna come up later) and theyre using one apartment, and happy lives there with his own apartment, and tony and stephen are currently sharing the penthouse, even though thats not public knowledge. Really only the people close to tony know that he’s dating stephen. So. this leaves just the one other 2 bedroom apartment for peter and harley. It has one bathroom, and the bedrooms are connected by a door but theyre pretty big so like. Theres a kitchen, a living room with a fancy ass tv, and a really pretty view (with a balcony bc <333). May died in march, peter got leave from the school in april, and it is now the middle of june btw. Tony is now peter’s official guardian (he was before may died anyways) and now has sole guardianship over him which he has fully accepted, even though peter and him both know that there are going to be times where he has to go out of town bc he does own a company after all. Times like right now. Harley is pretty nervous that tony isn’t going to be there to greet him and that he is going to have to like introduce himself to peter and everything. Cmon, theres no reason to feel like that, he’s the one intruding after all, he should at least be able to handle himself. (<--- harley’s thoughts). Yeah so theyre insecure super cool. A n y w a y s so peter was stressing about harley as he arrived, and so when harley walked in they were both complete bundles of nerves. Harley walks up but knocks. Peter actually jumps (bc spidey sense okay whatever) and goes to get the door. Oh my god these awkward teenagers i hate them so much (i love them). Peter kinda looks like shit, sorry king. He was a little bit crying earlier, then tony called and he switched into stressed out ball-of-anxiety mode. Distractions are good, its okay. Peter opens the door for harley and they like introduce each other all awkward (again sorry) and peter shows harley where he is staying. Harley doesnt really have muchhhh bc he was kicked out and all. He just has a suitcase full of clothes, his favorite blanket, his favorite stuffed animal (yeah whatever bc ofc he does) and his phone/charger. He sets all his stuff down at once. He thanks peter for letting him stay in his apartment and also said sorry. First thing peter noticed was harley’s accent. Stfu. peter asks why harley’s here- ok. Harleys had a long ass day. Too fucking long. He- he breaks down. He tells peter a lot. About how his mom found out that he was gay, and how she told him never to come back. Yikes. Anyways, this is establishing the beginning of their relationship as friends. Peter is there for him even though he doesn’t know him at all. Peter sees some of himself in harley in this moment, even though he’s not talking about himself yet. Eventually harley does ask about peter, and they really just get to know each other really quick. They have these deep scarring individual traumas, and neither has nearly recovered, but they find comfort in just knowing that theyre not alone in their suffering. At least for now. At least in this moment.

Section 5: the next day. Peter and harley spent that whole night talking about what they were going through. Peter said good night at around 5 am (there were no adults around they can do what they want to) and they both got good sleeps. In peter’s case, one of the first solid nights he’s had in a while. Harley was kept up a little longer after peter left, however, because he just couldn’t shut off his mind. It was really cathartic for him to just lay everything out there and for someone to just accept him. Peter told him he was bi, but he was.. Lucky. He had accepting people in his life. May was accepting. God, harley couldn’t fathom having lost everyone in his life, everyone he ever cared about, and still having the heart to sit and talk with the dumbass anxious gay kid who can’t go home anymore. His problems felt so small compared to peter’s, and all he could do was admire peter’s resilience and how he was seemingly able to bounce back from anything. God, peter was something. He couldn’t wait to get to know him more. With that thought circling in his head, he finally went to sleep at oh shit 6:30 am. Peter woke up around 1. Harley at 2. When harley woke up, peter was watching tv and eating cereal on the couch and he just sat down next to him. No words, just sleepy children being sleepy. They stayed like this for like an hour when someone knocked on their door. Enter stephen strange!!!!!!!!!!! Get excited people. Hes just coming in to check on them bc tony told him to, and he didn’t get the chance last night bc he was _busy_. K so now he’s here and hes awkward and he just wants to make sure these boys r okay bc theyve both been through too much recently, and it would be just the cherry on top if they didn’t get along. Him and harley had never actually met before so he like introduced himself and all that. Offered like if they needed anything he was there, and its only gonna be a few days until tony gets back (did i say a week earlier? Im retconning that bc i cannot find it in my writing so it is now retconned). Peter and harley just have to sort of explain to dr strange that theyre getting along gREAT and there is no need for concern….. And peter was even thinking about showing harley around the city a bit that night (something he had not yet told harley, but wanted to make it seem like he was doing well and not acting too depressed in front of Dr. Strange) so dr strange is like yeah !!!!!! do that, that sounds super fun petey !!!!!! and so now they have evening plans

ok ps I wrote this like 2 weeks ago and completely forgot I posted something on Tumblr about this fic idea, and so this is literally just how I talk to myself. was not gonna ever post this but then I decided to because I'm bored. there are more sections but I'm not gonna post them rn because this post is really fucking long already!!!!

#hope this is marketable?? #sort of just wanted to share my 4 am writing tbh #it doesn't make sense just go w it #parkner #peter parker #harley keener

[nepenthendline]

Hi, I really loved how thoughtful your recent blurbs about an SO who self harms were. I've been having awful chronic pain recently. It hasn't made me immobile but I'm sleeping a lot and gaining weight and overall feeling really uncomfortable. Especially when I have to go into work. Could I get Noya, Bokuto, and Tendou with an SO who has chronic pain?

Thank you so much! I hope this was ok for you! Im sorry about the wait 🥰

S/O with Chronic Pain - Nishinoya, Bokuto and Tendou

Nishinoya:

Noya has a very low pain tolerance in general so it’s a little hard for him to understand chronic pain and how much it affects you

however, he is very willing to learn about your condition and asks you lots of questions about it to familiarise himself with each problem it can cause

Noya is really good at motivating you to be a little active each day to strengthen your body and, hopefully, ease the pain a little

even just small activities such as stretches you can do from your bed, or taking little walks outside everyday 

if you take regular painkillers, he’s great at reminding you to take each dose on time and give you food or snacks so they don’t upset your stomach

he’s extremely patient with you if you need to take things slow or work your way up to being able to do more activities on bad days

he’s super proud of you on your better days when you’re up and about without too much struggle, he’ll hype you up and compliment you tons

he does need to be held back a little to make sure he isn’t overworking you - he just enjoys doing things with you and forgets that it can become very difficult since his own stamina and energy is endless

his own energy does help you to feel a little brighter yourself though, as if he’s channeling his excess energy into you

Noya is prone to overworking himself a lot, so he enjoys days where the two of you spend time together not doing much, he knows it can be frustrating for you though so he keeps your mind busy with movies and chatting

he likes to try a lot of relaxation techniques with you such as deep breathing or meditation to help you feel less anxious or frustrated and relax your body

it doesn’t bother him if you sleep a lot, he thinks its great you are getting lots of rest, whenever he is sick his mother always tells him to stay in bed and rest, so its the same for you, right?

when you’re feeling a lot of discomfort he will get anything for you to help you feel better, heat packs? more pillows? some water? whatever you need, he’s on it

Bokuto:

Bokuto has a tendency to forget about your pain a lot, especially on good days where you can be more active

although with some reminding, he is amazing at taking care of you

he loves giving you massages and running you hot baths, hoping they will soothe your pain a little

he’s very considerate when planning dates for the two of you - he always keeps in mind (when reminded) how much your body can cope with and offers easy, yet still lovely options for you two do to together, such as going to a cafe or sitting in the park

his favourite thing to get you moving a little on bad days is by throwing a volleyball towards you and having you catch it or hit it back, him standing while you sit in your bed or on a chair

it’s fun and distracting, but also gets your body moving a little

he’s not the best to rely on when remembering to take medication, he forgets easily himself so you’ll probably need to set an alarm on your phone instead

really enjoys taking you swimming on better days, he knows its a great form of exercise thats gentle on the body, plus he gets to see you in a swimsuit so its a win-win

even if you’re struggling to swim with the pain, he loves to carry you in the water and just get you legs or arms moving a little

you might often feel low in your mood on bad days, so Bokuto is always there to try and cheer you up with soothing cuddles

he understands you need a lot of rest, but he tries to not let you sleep too much in case your body gets stiff, even if you just get up to eat and change then he’s proud

he’s extremely caring and worries about you so much, but he can be a little forgetful and push you a bit too far sometimes

he often asks around (particularly his coach and Akaashi) if there is anything he can do for you to help ease your pain

Tendou:

Tendou is so good at distracting you from the pain while also doing things to ease it

often comes out with bizarre ideas for you two to do together, like doing couples yoga or playing dancing games - really, he is trying to find ways of getting you moving that help you best without too much difficulty

he does a lot of his own research about it, so he won’t ask you too many questions besides generally checking up on you

if you aren’t already, he recommends seeing a physiotherapist as this could help you a lot

since he’s been playing sports for many years, he has a pretty big bank of stretching and healing exercises in his memory so he’ll help you do them too while telling you stories of his sporting days 

he’s not the worlds best cook, but he does like to make you food to bring to you and make sure you’re eating enough

even better though is that you come and help him cook or bake

he knows your mood and confidence might get pretty bad so he’s constantly flooding you with affection and kind, loving words about how amazing and gorgeous you are

he always seems to have everything prepped for you before you even ask - painkillers, blankets, heat packs etc. he’s really good at reading you so he can tell when your pain is getting worse

he never feels like he’s missing out when you have many bad days in a low, he loves cuddling with you and spending chilled out time inside binge-watching anime and movies - honestly, its his favourite thing to do with you 

creates a pain tracker with you so you both can see your progress and how things change through the day, it also lets you both know if certain things make it worse or better

#haikyuu #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu!! #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu drabbles #haikyū!! #nishinoya yu x reader #nishinoya yū #nishinoya yuu #Nishinoya x reader #Bokuto koutarou #Bokuto x reader #Bokuto koutarou x reader #Tendou satori #tendou x reader #Tendou satori x reader #Tendo satori #Chronic pain

[guideaus]

i finished Trigun: Badlands Rumble. heres me thoughts:

vash was a cuite patootie. BUT i think him in the movie was the first time he really annoyed me though with his principles, i feel like it was the most direct example of him preventing someone from dying, then said person going nuts and trying to fuck an entire town over, as opposed to in the anime it could usually be more blamed on legato/knvies forcing things. i think his quick “death” was real silly and i think it was impossible to even think he might’ve, while somehow spike in cowboy bebop’s movie felt like he actually could've died. i think he was fine when wolfwood stepped in, but then also inexplicably displays his post-anime development (which i was fine w, just bc otherwise its annoying, as i said lol). vash playing as a womanizer was really annoying, though, even if I know its a part of his performative attitude to cope. With men, he acts like an idiot, and with women he plays flirty, which kinda translates to making sexual harassment a joke (especially when amelia here literally has a condition that harms her).

when the movie first started I felt like amelia was kinda just like elektra in cowboy bebop’s movie, like some au fanfic insert dedicated to the movie, which kinda is true, but somehow with just all that has been shown in the show, she is at least more interesting than millie and meryl. her being there also made me think vash needs more close, reoccurring, friends besides the insurance ladies (who say they only follow for their job) and wolfwood (who dies). that end kinda plot twist thing abt the villain as her father, was kinda unexpected, but again its something, lol. the movie was weird with her, though, showing her focus on revenge towards... whatever the villain’s name was as being just like him or selfish when it was valid imo, lol. her going to steal the prized treasure before dealing w him also felt like a silly moment dedicated for vash to dramatically come back. vash’s pacifism in the movie also robbed her of a lot of action she could've done, until she partnered with wolfwood.

loved wolfwood being in the move, i was honestly very scared he was gonna be there and not know vash yet, or even not be in the movie at all, but he was fine :) i do think that his involvement into the movie felt a little forced, as opposed to in the anime he just kinda happened to be where vash was, which felt more natural than this lol (and him helping the antagonists kinda backs up that “wolfwood was a bad guy who used orphans as an excuse” thing i’ve seen some people say, which i dont agree with. i think he was on the bad side temporarily just for a quick scene like vash and him fighting, which isnt too bad, lol. i’m glad he wasn't also being as ridiculous as vash was to amelia. i have no clue why he wore vash’s glasses, but i loved that, some real shounen protags shit. i love him and would absolutely love to pretend he didn't die.

the villain was weird and i didnt feel anything towards him at all, his burglary creed was weird, like some sort of low honor arthur morgan fuck-up, he didnt make me hate or love him, he was just there. milly and meryl also... were there, just about the same level of involvement in the anime, except at least they were never hostages, i suppose. amelia absolutely could've replaced them as the female rep or whatever, lmao. 

i think the movie looked nice, and im glad it didn't deviate too much from the original style. i think it reminds me of hunterxhunter’s original and anime reboot comparison, though with the modern anime, it did feel much duller (and either darker or brighter??), but i guess that’s inevitable. i also hate the flashback scenes they let look like this:

anyways it was a cute little side-story movie thing, i could watch and see how vash dealt with the antagonist in the end and not be too unsatisfied, and i can pretend wolfwood still lives, lol. it was definitely better than that one filler ep in the anime. and in my heart, i’d also love a reboot of the anime.

#personal #trigun lb #long post #ok i might watch kotaro lives alone next #and i'll try the manga after i finish drhdr #also i miiiight gif it... if i get around to it

[shihozaki]

Hi!! My pronouns are she/her and I’d like to matched up with a guy from Haikyuu! I am ENFJ, (but sometimes enfp). I’m outgoing and generally nice to everyone, but I have a very sassy, goofy personality. Naturally flirty and very affectionate, and my love language is physical touch. I have my moments when I get shy and anxious, especially around someone I really have a crush on. Yet at the same time I’m the person always trying to hug and cuddle my friends even after roasting them.

My favorite colors are blue, red, purple and pink. I love some teasing. I’m passionate about acting and singing. I love to listen to all kinds of music. I am African-American. I have really long curly blackish hair and I’m 5’0. I’m a Gemini Sun, Cancer Rising and Gemini Moon. I am a caring and adaptable person, and like to make people happy I always finding a way to slip a stupid joke in🙄( joking is my coping mechanism) .

I don’t have a specific type, but I do like someone with goals and passion. I like someone I can laugh with and also have real deep conversations with. I’m so into the romantic lovey-dovey stuff, yet sometimes I act like a little boy💀. I can be loud asf, even just when normally talking cause I usually have a lot of energy. As far as style goes, it varies from 12 year old boy with some joggers and a t-shirt wayyyy too big for me , to like a 90s baddie with some hoops on, to girly with skirts, sweaters and some knee high socks.

As far as accomplishments go, I’ve won state in theater and continue to pursue acting. It’s something I’m very passionate about and want to pursue as a career. Some flaws of mine are overthinking and my anxiety. Like I’ll overthink an entire situation before I really know what happened and assume that someone like hates me. My anxiety can get kinda bad, i get all shaky and I care a lot about what people think of me (although I try to deny it). I’ll kinds just shut down and get uncharacteristically quiet. But im like scary good at hiding it, since I’m such an extroverted person..and I don’t like feeling like a burden...you have to be good at paying attention to detail, or I’ve gotta be comfortable to enough to confess whats really going on in my head. So I’ll need someone who can bring me back to earth every now and then. But it’s getting better with time and I’m trying to stress myself out less. When I’m out I’ve got such a big personality and I’m making dumb jokes and dancing, but when I get home I’m just chilling and watching anime. (Although I will dance and make jokes if I feel like it). And I’m a night owl!

Sorry I know this was pretty long! Thank you for taking the time to read it 💗

Thank you for being so patient and understanding, I love that you put so much info for me! I also love acting :)) I hope you enjoy it!

I pair you up with Yamaguchi Tadashi!

- He’s absolutely whipped for you. When he confessed, he was half expecting you to say no, since he thought you only hung out with him because of Tsukishima. When you agreed, he was so happy!

- He appreciates you and always backs you up. You guys talk about everyone and everything in secret!

Sometimes like a parent- takes care of you, helps you… he’s not exactly loud but he can meet up to your energetic expectations.

- Did I mention he’s respectful? He always stops to make sure you are feeling safe and secure before doing anything.

- Always blushes so much when you flirt with him. It takes courage for him to flirt back, but usually it comes out more like a compliment. You find it adorable.

- Absolutely loves your hugs. He loves back hugs, whenever you surprise him with a back hug, he hugs back your arms. Hard to explain but you get it, right?

- He helps you with lines whenever you’re practicing theatre! He’s your number one fan, and quite looks up to you often.

- And when you cheer for him while playing volleyball? He feels like he won a million dollars. Tsukkishima tends to tease him for that, but Yamaguchi can’t deny.

- He notices whenever you’re anxious or when you shut down. He tries to talk to you about it, reminding that he’s there for you. He can surprisingly calm you down very well, probably because of his warm nature.

- He always reacts to your jokes first. Whenever you send something in the groupchat, he always watches it, never leaves you on ‘seen’.

- Overall, you guys have a well balanced relationship, often relying on each other!

Scenario: When you first meet!

“Look out!” That was the last thing you heard before your face met a volleyball. You lost balance and fell to the ground, scattering your books and scripts on the ground. A boy ran up to your side, gently helping you up. “Are you okay?” Said the green haired boy. “Maybe? Hard to tell.” You replied. You bent down to pick up your scripts. The boy crouched down and started helping you. When you reached for the last sheet of paper, your hand met with his. You quickly pulled your hand back. “Sorry!” Said the boy. “Here.” He handed you the sheet. “I’m Yamaguchi Tadashi… sorry about that.” He said. You nodded, not knowing what to say. He was cute. His freckles, his shy smile… all to your taste. He must have noticed you staring, because he spoke up, trying to break the tension. “Are you trying out for the school musical?” “Oh, yeah! I am.” You replied. You wanted to say something, anything. But your usual flirty self was gone, leaving a shy girl. “I’ve got to go, but…I wish you luck then. Although I don’t think you’ll need luck.” He smiled. “Bye!” He picked up the volleyball from the ground, then walked away. You stood still in silence. Then came the train of thoughts. Why were you so quiet? You could have at least told your name! And why was your heart beating so fast? You knew you could have done better at flirting. You waved your thoughts away and headed to the school cafeteria. What you didn’t know was that his heart was beating faster.

Song: I’m Yours by Jason Mraz

I hope you enjoyed it! I didn’t know if you did theatre, but it said acting so I added it to the scenario! Please let me know what you thought about the matchup. Thank you, I hope to see you again soon!

#haikyuu matchups #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu!! #yamaguchi x reader #matchups closed #matchups #anime fanfic

[ladyloveandjustice]

scattered she ra thoughts i cannot calm down

- can't believe catra got a cat so she could become??? double cat??? and learn to express her soft emotions. how did they all know exactly what i wanted. Catra literally got cat therapy. wtf. that's so ridic i love it. BEST POSSIBLE WAY TO REFERENCE HER 80′S COUNTERPART’S WEIRD POWER??? “okay what if instead of scary hot eyeshadow lady who transforms into a cat, she’s a scrappy lil jerk who’s part cat all the time, and that cat who she transforms to is a seperate thing that became an animal sidekick” who was the genius who stumbled upon that idea give them a fucking medal

- they REALLY leaned hard into Catra’s catness this season which is great bc if anyone tries to discourse with me about her arc I’ll just be like “tbh I’d forgive all my cats if they tried to murder me multiple times too, its okay if you don’t feel the same”

-also leaned even more into what a fucking jock idiot adora is and i love her so much

-“you’re an idiot” “i know :’)” still dying over this big utena/anthy energy all over their relationship this season GOD I LOVE IT

- that utena reference was the best possible utena reference to make ever!!! THE BEST ONE I’VE SEEN YET. DEEPLY PLEASED OF HOW UTENA’S LEGACY IS BEING CARRIED FORTH IN CARTOONS LATELY

- thank god she ra as a show understood a really important component to a redemption arc for your edgy antagonist rejoining the group is everyone dunking on them constantly and them having to learn to fuckin’ deal with it bc they know they deserve it YOU CAN’T SKIP THAT PART GOOD MEDIA UNDERSTANDS THIS

- i had to go hug my cat after episode 11 I ALSO CRIED THROUGH MOST OF IT, IT WAS REALLY HARD TO WATCH AS SOMEONE TRYING TO COPE WITH HOW TO HANDLE MY RELATIONSHIP WITH AN ABUSIVE PARENT

-THAT BEING SAID BYE SHADOW WEAVER NO ONE WILL MISS YOU

--Perfuma is exactly what Scorpia needs and deserves im glad

-cracking the fuck up at Bow and Glimmer being the ones to get the forehead kiss and ~ambiguity~ that shit was completely on purpose wasn’t it noelle once i can focus enough to read the interviews you can bet she’ll say it was. REVENGE.

-NETOSSA AND SPINERELLA THAT IS ALL.

- LOVE

#she ra spoilers #she ra

[floralkittygambler]

My First Tag

Tagged by 2 surprisingly lol, thanks @honesthazbinarchives and @siaesnow - I’m honoured to be considered a buddy to you both ^^

“Starting up a Picrew tag game… you, but four years ago versus now! The purpose is to tag at least five to 15 users that you are friends with, and to create a tag chain of our character development!” ~ @goangelic

Picrew to use: https://picrew.me/image_maker/100365

Why is it always a sob story with me? Ok, jesting aside: Me 4 Years Ago: Without going too into depth, I was in hospital, extremely low and close to death. A few years prior, alongside what was already an uneasy life, I watched 2 very beloved people rot in hospital themselves. There was no one for me and I allowed myself to fall into disarray with matted hair and bones poking out my frame. Everything was such a fucking mess and yet these years are both horribly vivid and hazy. Like a thick fog of repression in my mind. Something I’m not yet willing to confront. Me 4 years ago, and 4 years prior to that is/was a delusional nightmare. Though I plan to tell my lil Kiddas/Squicks a funny ‘tale’ from 2012, it’s the year I wish to distance from the most.

Me Now: The same but ginger lol. Nah, I’ve made my improvements. And setbacks. I’m not as frail and mentally I feel more... It’s painful but I cope better. Therapy is still very much inaccessible to me sadly. Trying to grow as a person, but sometimes Im a grumpy tired lol. I learned of my place on the spectrum and have made my own steps to better understand and communicate more with other people. Im developing my hobbies. And I drink (mildly) in honour of a loved one. That year is still tender and I experience flashbacks and nightmares but I manage. I’m currently blamed for being a cat magnet as housing creatures in need lol. I want to show my little ones the world the way he showed me. Im trying to make good of what life I have. Still shy but I manage many things much better, though I’ve learned to accept where my soul truly stands. Im also now and open and accepted witch. Tomorrow will be hard and I have a long way to go. I take on a more active role in nurturing those around me. Though Ive improved greatly, I still feel something unsettling in the air around me. Also, there are seriously lots of cats drawn to and follow me. Seriously one of the neighbour’s cats even comes ‘round to visit me for hugs. Im the local cat lady. I feel like Susan Ashworth. Overall, I CAN confirm improvement as well as self-reflection. I’m not as toxic as I used to be. I can see and work on my own flaws. I’m far from being where I wish but I’m actively working towards that. Visualising and slowly getting there. I’m seeking to learn new skills and just enjoy my time. Plus my siblings seem to speak to me more and even steal my jokes so... I’m doin’ something right and must be funny enough for that lol. I also owned [’owned’] a large spider this year. She’s a wild giant house spider that lived under our window in a plant pot. Now I fear spiders [trying to get better as I love Ts] but I saw she had an eggsac. So I felt for the Mama spider and started to leave her food, even freeing her legs. Her babies have hatched and she’s moved out now but one of her babies has stayed so Im monitoring them until they choose to leave. I think I’ve become more brave with people, in my self in terms of animals, and just with dealing with shit. I get a bad panic attack now and usually it doesnt look obvious because... I just shrug and try to mentally soothe it [not easy but I try]. And I can ramble for ETERNITY on animals because I love them with my soul 🥺 As for gambling, always done that LOL. I’m honestly proud that Ive never formed an addiction [aside from minor meds one as a kid, cravings for sugar/meat now and my absolute lust for orange juice lol]. I found out I am very durable. BONUS - Me In 4 Years Time:

I become some weeby cat bullshit lol jkjk British Shorthair Waifu? British Shorthair WaifMEW - but seriously you can tint your skin faintly blue by consuming enough blue smarties [brit choc] and Im gonna bloody do it. Make me look like those Avatar alien folks. Tagging... Fuck, I dont really know too many here like that- Especially untagged O.o Ermmmm I hope yall dont mind? @noirellearts, @rootbeergoddess​, @enchantedchocolatebars​ [Sorry if I forgot anyone, I’m extremely slow with name recollection]

#me vs now #some meme shit #tag #tw? maybe #the big britty #the big woe #trust me Im fine we all have our experiences #I have grandma back problems #animals are my life #mama bear #will vlog me turning into violet from willy wonka #vlog? Is that even the correct term? #idk