#I’ll still feel my heart race when you message me and get so excited to talk to you every day | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

houseofchalamet · 1 year

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Biggest Fan

Pairing: Timothee Chalamet x f!Reader Summary: Reader has been absolutely filthy in the DMs and when she meets Timothée unexpectedly, he wants her to make good on her promises. Warnings: Smut (oral - male receiving), sexualizing a celebrity, technically a power imbalance, curse words. Word count: 2k

There was no way he’d ever see your DMs. He probably got thousands of messages a day; yours would get lost in a sea of countless others. And he was rarely ever on Twitter…

Still, you’d occasionally send some DMs anyway, just for the hell of it. It started tame. Telling him how much you loved his work, how excited you were for the next Dune movie… Small things like that.

And then the thirst started.

It was all because of the Oscars… The damn Oscars. God, he looked so good. You felt like you were going to explode the second the shirtless image of him appeared on your TV screen. In the heat of the moment, you whipped out your phone and began typing every lewd thought that popped into your head.

Everything about him was perfect, from his hair down to the smallest details, like the rings on his fingers. You drank in every image you could find of his bare chest. Before you knew it, you were composing the nastiest paragraph you’d ever written in your life (up until that point, at least) and hitting send without a second thought.

God, it’s almost unfair how perfect you are. You’re so fucking sexy in your sparkly little jacket. I wanna taste every inch of you. I want you to fuck my mouth and make me gag on your cock. I want your cum running down my throat. I want you to fuck me so hard and fast that all I know is your name. I want you to absolutely obliterate me. I wanna be your personal fuckdoll… I’m fucking dripping just thinking about it. I need you inside me so fucking bad. I’m such a needy slut for you.

That was just the first one, and as time went on, they grew more graphic. It became an outlet, a way to get all of this sexual energy out. Your messages ranged from short, innocent sentences to long, erotic paragraphs detailing all of the depraved things you wanted him to do to you.

But he’d never see it.

Right?

***

The club was full of drunk, sweaty bodies. You were perfectly content to stand in the corner all night with your best friend, Jess, and sway to the music, feeling the bass vibrate through the floor.

“Hey, isn’t he that guy you’re so obsessed with?” Jess asked, pointing discreetly to a group of guys in the corner.

Your jaw dropped as you realized you were standing in the presence of the Timothée Chalamet. He was with a group of friends and appeared to be having a good time. Your heart began to race in your chest.

“Come on,” Jess said, taking in your stunned appearance. She tugged your hand, starting to lead you in his direction, but you pulled back.

“Are you fucking insane? I can’t just walk right up to him, I’ll literally drop dead on the spot.”

“Okay, fine, don’t talk to him.” She held back a laugh at your outburst. “But you know if you don’t at least stand in the same general vicinity as him, you’ll hate yourself forever.”

Damn. You hated when she was right.

You both weaved through the crowd, strategically placing yourselves closer and closer every few moments without making it too obvious.

You fought the urge to keep glancing at him, though all you wanted to do was drink in his appearance. You weren’t sure you’d ever get the chance to see him in person again.

Jess was talking about something Britney had said to her earlier - you weren’t really paying too much attention - when you tried to steal a glance at exactly the wrong moment.

His eyes met yours.

And instead of looking away and pretending nothing had happened like a normal person would in this circumstance, you froze. Your eyes widened, giving you a slight deer-in-the-headlights expression. He broke into that adorable, lopsided smile you loved so much.

Then, to your surprise, he started moving toward you.

“Oh fuck, oh fuck,” you whispered to Jess.

“Wha-”

“Hey, I’m Timothée,” he said. Jess’s eyes widened, too, as she processed the situation. Holy fuck he was so close, you could smell him now. And he smelled good.

“I… I know,” you replied stupidly, the awe evident in your voice.

“I’m Jess, and this is (Y/N),” she stepped in for you. “It’s so nice to meet you.”

“You too,” he smiled. His eyes flicked back to you. His brow furrowed and his head tilted to one side as he took you in, but after a few seconds, he shook his head. “Sorry, have we met before?”

“Umm…” You pretended to think for a second, even though you’d definitely remember if you’d met this literal god before. “Nope, I don’t think so.”

“Hm… Weird. I thought I recognized you from somewhere.”

You shrugged this off; he’d probably met so many fans in so many countries, there was bound to be at least one other girl somewhere who somewhat resembled you.

He was extremely nice and offered to take photos with you. He hung around to chat for a few minutes before excusing himself back to his friends. Besides your general awkwardness - which he was probably used to, judging by the way he easily brushed it off - the interaction couldn’t have gone any better.

“He’s literally my future husband,” you told Jess dreamily as you both watched him walk away.

“Not if I marry him first,” she joked.

“Hey! At least share!” You pouted.

She jokingly stuck her tongue out at you, and then her eyes scanned the room. “Well, if my marriage to Timmy doesn’t pan out, I think I just found his replacement. Mind if I go dance?”

“Nah, go right ahead,” you replied. You leaned against a wall, focusing on your phone. You posted your photo with Timmy to Instagram, and then popped onto Twitter to make the photo your profile pic. Your moots were about to go feral. For a moment, your thumb hovered over the messages icon.

Ah, why not?

Hot sweatpants, cutie. I’ll make you sweat and pant;)

You chuckled a little to yourself. God, that was a cringey one. Still, it was just for your entertainment, so why not?

You continued scrolling through Twitter, enjoying your fifteen minutes of fame as you were bombarded by a million questions, each more unhinged than the last (‘What did he smell like?’ ‘Who was he with?’ ‘Did you lick his hand? I would’ve licked his hand’ etc). You were in the middle of replying to someone when you heard a voice beside you.

“I know where I recognized you from!”

Your eyes met his green ones and your breath caught in your throat. You weren’t expecting any more attention from Timothée, but obviously welcomed it.

“Where’s that?” you asked, trying to be nonchalant. He pulled up his phone and showed you the screen.

Your eyes widened and your mouth dropped open. You were horrified as you took in Timothée’s view of your DM’s. He must have turned his read receipts off. He didn’t seem to notice your embarrassment as he scrolled up in the conversation a little.

“This is one of my favorites, ‘My ass is grass and I want you to mow it.’ Or that time you just sent the link to Deep Throat by Cupcakke.”

“Oh, god,” you said, putting your head in your hands. You couldn’t even deny that it was you; the profile picture gave you away. You wanted to spontaneously combust. “I didn’t think you’d actually see that.”

“I could tell…” he chuckled. Thankfully, he scrolled past your more… needy messages and focused on the ironic ones. “‘I would let you break my back in half, spit in my mouth, dislocate my jaw, pee on me, rip out my intestines, and then hit me with your car and I’d still be your biggest fan.’”

“Ugh, God,” you groaned.

He smirked at you and you swore his eyes flicked down to your lips for a split second. When he spoke again, the joking tone had disappeared. “You think you’re my biggest fan?”

Your mouth opened but no words came out. You drew in a sharp breath. “I- uh… y-yeah.”

His voice dropped dangerously low; you were sure no one else could hear. “Would you be willing to prove it?”

His words swam around in your head and you struggled to make sense of them. Surely, you had misunderstood… You blinked, watching as his tongue swiped over his lips.

“Absolutely.”

Before you could even process what was happening, he had taken your hand and led you down a hallway, somehow unseen by anyone else. He slipped you into a bathroom and shut the door behind you both.

Pressing you against the door, he attached his lips to yours.

You felt yourself relax into him as he kissed you deeply. Suddenly, your shy side had disappeared and in its place stood the horndog who had written all those DMs. You gently bit his bottom lip and he wound his arms around your waist, pulling you even closer. You slipped your tongue into his mouth and he ground against you. You practically moaned; he was already hard. You reached down, stroking him through his pants. He was just as big as you’d imagined.

You pushed him back until he was leaning against the sink and were on your knees in an instant, tugging down his sweatpants. You licked your lips as his dick sprang free.

“Love reading your desperate little messages over and over again…” he sighed, his head dropping back a little as you stroked him slowly.

“Mmm… Yeah?” you smirked, taking the tip between your lips and sucking lightly. His eyes rolled back and his mouth dropped open as he gripped the counter for support. You could tell he was restraining himself from bucking his hips up into you.

“Fuuuuckkk yeaaah,” he hissed. Slowly, teasingly, you began to descend on him. “God, I jack off nearly every day to them… Love seeing how needy you are for me.”

Your brain practically stopped working; the situation you found yourself in was too good to even begin to comprehend. Timothée Chalamet had just admitted to enjoying your depraved fantasies while his dick was in your mouth. Your pussy was dripping.

You hummed in response, hollowing your cheeks and bobbing your head torturously slow. He seemed to understand the game you were playing and was happy to give you more.

“Sometimes I go onto your profile and scroll through your selfies and imagine fucking you just like you want me to.” One of his hands weaved into your hair, but he didn’t apply any pressure just yet. You took all of him in your mouth now, his tip nudging the back of your throat. You came back up slowly, running your tongue along the bottom of his shaft.

“Fuck,” he hissed again. You started to bob your head faster now. After a few moments, his restraint wavered and he began to thrust into you. You blinked up at him, eyes full of nothing but pure adoration as he fucked your mouth. “Fuck, (Y/N), you’re so fucking good for me… Gonna be a good girl and swallow my cum?”

“Mmmhm,” you hummed and he gasped at the feeling of your throat vibrating. He released another string of curses before you felt his hot cum shooting down your throat. You absolutely savored the moment, taking in every drop you could. You never wanted to forget this feeling; this taste.

You bobbed your head a couple more times before pulling off, causing his legs to tremble. He caught his breath, pulling his pants back up. He looked down at you, knelt on the floor before him, eyes glazed over, cheeks flushed and lips swollen.

He held out a hand to help you up, which you took. You frowned, unhappy that your encounter was over.

But as if reading your mind, he took your face in his hands. “Don’t look so disappointed. I’m not finished with you yet, love.”

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99hook · 8 months

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The Wembley Aftermath

Synopsis: he won the ftw championship back and just like when he lost it, all he wants is you.

A/N: if you read comfort zone, you know what happened when he lost the title. This isn’t that. I had to channel my inner softie lovergirl so expect a lot of sweet shit in this one. Keep your eyes out for part 2. Enjoy babes happy ftw day 🖤🧡

“wish me luck lil mama”

The last message he sent floated on your screen for the better half of twenty minutes while your eyes were focused intently on the tv.

You were on the edge of your seat, gripping your phone with your slippery hand as you watched the match from thousands of miles away, just wishing you could be in that massive crowd cheering your man on with the rest of the eighty thousand plus fans.

As soon as the redrum was locked in you couldn’t contain your excitement. Tears were nearly brought to your eyes when Jack frantically tapped out, knowing how much this meant to Tyler and how long he waited to have his title back.

You felt your heart racing, unable to compose itself. He grabbed the belt and held it up for the world to see, and even though he appeared just as calm and collected on the outside as always, you knew that internally he was struggling to hold it all together.

As soon as he exited through the tunnel you opened his message, your thumbs struggling to type something comprehensively thanks to the jitters.

As you were deleting an unreadable attempt at congratulating him, his call was floating on the top of the screen.

You were quick to answer the facetime, grinning ear to ear when he appeared. Your smile instantly brought one of his own, and those dimples on full display for you to admire.

“Hey little mama” he beamed, attempting to steady his labored breathing as he headed to his dressing room.

“Hey champ” you brought on another one of his boyish grins that he attempted to hide from everyone backstage until he got to his room and shut the door.

He took a seat on the sofa and let an elongated, shaky sigh out.

“The ftw looks good on your shoulder again” you tell him, knowing and clearly seeing that he was still riled up and trying his hardest to steadily ride out that adrenaline.

He glanced to the side to admire it, his dimple indented deeply in his cheek as a prideful smirk slipped upon his lips.

“Feels good” he says, looking back down at you and your giddy smile. “Know what else looks good though?”

“What else?” You asked, cheeks flushing at the recognizable look in his eye.

“My girl and her cute ass smile. Would look even better if you were sitting here next to me right now.”

You dropped your head down, trying to hide the crimson blush on your cheeks.

“You know I wish I could be there.” You say as you lean back against the couch cushions, wishing this conversation wasn’t being had over your phone. “But you probably would’ve been annoyed by me screaming at the top of my lungs during your match.”

“You know that’s not true. I love it when you scream for me.” He smirks, his eyes flashing with that familiar gleam you’ve seen so many times. You felt your cheeks physically hurting from the wide, goofy grin you couldn’t contain and it only brought on yet another one to his face.

“Tyler-“

“Actually, scratch that. I love it when I make you scream for me.”

“Tyler!” You gaped, shaking your head.

“I’m just being honest.” He shrugs as he grabs the belt and places it down next to him, where he wishes you were sitting instead.

“Yeah, I know.” You deadpan. “But right now you’re about four thousand miles away from me and the last thing I need is for you to get me all worked up when you’re not even here to take care of it.”

“So you’re getting all worked up right now?” He raises his brows, holding that infamous, cocky grin on his face.

You hesitated before you spoke, pretty sure that he was thinking of accepting a little challenge you never initiated.

“A little. I just miss you.” You admitted.

“I miss you.” He quickly says back. “I’ll be there in a couple days though. Think you can wait that long?”

You shook your head, internally groaning at the fact that you still had two more days before he’d be making a quick stop to see you. There was just so much to make up for and so little time to do it.

“No? You can’t wait?” He tilts his head to the side. Before you get the chance to say anything back, hes getting off the sofa and walking to some other part of the dressing room.

You can hear things rummaging around but only had a view of the ceiling.

“What are you doing?” You asked.

“Packing up my stuff.” He says before he sets the phone down on a table. You watched as his clothes passed over the screen, getting stuffed messily in his suitcase.

After a few minutes he appears in the camera view again, now with a shirt on and his backpack straps over his shoulders.

He grabs his sunglasses and slides them over his eyes before he looks back down at you.

“Where are you going?” You asked. “The show isn’t even over yet.”

“They won’t notice I’m gone. Keep your door unlocked. I’ll be there pretty late.”

“Are you serious?” You could hardly contain your excitement, feeling butterflies immediately swirling around your stomach. “But I thought you had a couple more days left in London? Don’t you have appearances or-“

“I have priorities.” He cuts you off, “Specifically, you.”

You heard something else in the background the second he said that. Three knocks on the door before he called whoever in, and it ended up being Taz.

Evidently he took one look at his son’s attire and said, “Where you runnin’ off to? Going out to celebrate already? I told you I’d buy you some drinks tonight after we leave.”

He placed the phone down and you listened quietly.

“I’m leaving a little early.” He tells his dad. “But when we get back home I’ll be up for those drinks.”

Taz eyed his son skeptically before those suspicious glances averted over to his phone, where you were still on the screen.

“Oh, I see.” He nods. “Yn, nice to see you honey. Wish you could’ve been here in person. Tyler’s been talking non stop about you since-“

“Alright she gets it.” Tyler cuts him off, grabbing his phone and showing his dad in your camera view.

“I wish I could’ve been there too, but next time I will be for sure!” You tell him.

“God I hope so. I don’t think my son can take it if you’re not. Been walking around all day like a lost puppy-“

“Alright thanks dad” he turns the camera back on him, shaking his head.

“Anyway baby, I’ll be seeing you soon. Get some sleep before I get there so you’ll be ready when I-“ he cuts himself off when he realizes he was about to say something he never should in front of his dad.

“I’ll call you back when I board the plane.” He improvises. Your wide, grin brought one last smile to his face when you nod, saying your goodbyes before he hangs up the phone.

“This might come back to bite you in the ass son. But I’m not stopping you.” Taz tells him, holding both hands up.

“If I get in a little trouble, it’s worth it.”

“That’s what your mother and I said too, then you came along.” Taz lets out a hearty laugh, and Tyler shoots him a perplexed look.

“I’m teasing you son. Go have a good time with your girl. I’ll tell everyone you got sick or something. Got bit by the love bug.”

“Alright dad let’s stop with the lame jokes.” Tyler teased as he reached out and opened the door.

“Wasn’t even making a joke that time though”

#hook aew #hook x reader #aew hook #hook #hook imagine #tyler senerchia #hook nation rise #send hook

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cloudlessly-light · 4 months

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But you make my heart race (Prosecutor Hotch/secretary Emily AU one-shot)

A/N: This is set in the middle of Emily working as Hotch’s secretary since I wanted to keep the prosecutor/secretary thing going, I hope you like this little one-shot!

Title: But you make my heart race Summary: Emily wanted to push his buttons, if only just a little. It worked.

One shot from my AU Chills on a summer day but can be read on its own. Word Count: 3,1k Rating: Explicit Warnings: Smut, dirty talk, power dynamics, spanking, rough sex

She’s been working as Aaron’s secretary for almost two months now, been sleeping with him for more than half that time. And she’s been having the best time of her life. Sure while they’re at work he can be demanding, pushing her for more, to be better, but she takes it in stride because she knows that he’s working twice as hard.

She wasn’t sure what they were, or where things would lead, but what she did know was that she didn’t want to stop whatever they were doing. It was something she hadn’t ever experienced before, how easy it was, how fun, how thrilling it could be.

It was carnal, exciting, the type of desire she’d only ever read about before. And then there he was, showing her the most unexpected realms of pleasure.

As she’s getting dressed that morning she smiles to herself, he had spent the previous night teasing her until she was ready to beg him for any type of release, and when he had left she had planned her revenge. Aaron might be in charge most of the time, but that didn’t mean that she couldn’t fight him a little for it sometimes.

He had spent the previous evening in her apartment but hadn’t spent the night because he had court the next day and wanted a few more hours to prepare. She doesn’t fault him for that, he’s a fantastic lawyer. But it was a case they both knew he would win, so she was allowed to have a little fun with him. Or at least that’s what she thought.

With that thought in mind, she capped her lipstick and grabbed her purse. It was going to be a good day.

“I’m off, I’ll be back late so I’ll probably see you tomorrow.” He says, stoic as ever with his briefcase in hand, his Rolex glimmering just under the cuff of his suit.

“Okay Mr. Hotchner.” She smirks, always enjoying their little charade at work. As she looked at him there was something suggestive lurking in her dark orbs and he raises an eyebrow at her. “Want me to pick up dinner for you before I leave for the night?”

“Not necessary, I’ll pick something up on the way.” He gives her a questioning look, the teasing smile still on her face makes him take a moment. She was planning something, he knew it, he knew that look.

“See you tomorrow then.” She winks at him and he feels the familiar pull in his gut as she spreads her legs just enough for him to catch a glimpse of her smooth thighs, the hint if a hickey showing. But he’s late so he can’t drag her into his office like he wants to. Instead he nods, grips the handle of his briefcase a little harder and walks towards the elevators, still feeling Emily’s heated gaze on him.

But as he gets closer to the courthouse he forgets about everything except the case. A case he knew he’d win. In court he was feared, superior to most. It made him feel powerful only adding to the slight arrogance that Emily would tease him about.

He’s watching the testimony, listens as the frail man on the stand tries to defend himself from what he’s accused off, and memorize what he knows is far from the truth. He can tell that the defending lawyer is starting to close up and he gets ready to stand up for his own line of questioning.

And then his phone buzzes on the table, Emily’s name flashing on the screen with an incoming text. He knew she wouldn’t reach out while he was in court unless it was important, she never had before, so curiosity gets the better of him and he opens the message.

When he does he has to do a double take, a low grunt escaping him that thankfully no one seems to hear.

It was picture of Emily, dressed in the tiniest underwear set he’d ever seen, posing on her knees in front of her bed, legs wide apart and one hand inside her panties.

Good luck today, Mr. Hotchner.

The large hickey he’d sucked into her thigh was fresh, meaning that she had taken that picture after he had left the previous night. And he was furious.

Then another picture came through, this one with Emily in the same panties, minus the bra, bending over, her plump ass arched up.

Aaron clears his throat, arousal stirring in his belly at the sight, eyes trained on the picture.

“Mr. Hotchner?”

He looks up at the sound of his name, and finds the judge looking at him with annoyance.

“Do you have any questions for our defendant? Or do you have something more important to attend to?” The judge asks, her blue eyes intent as she stares him down,

“Sorry.” He mutters, his phone landing on the desk with a dull sound and he stands up. For a moment he’s unsure what do say, his mouth dry as the pictures of Emily play on a loop in his mind.

“You- uhm.” He stops mid-sentence and clears his throat, he’s off his game and that’s never happened in court before. He takes a moment, centers himself and then looks back at the defendant who’s looking at him curiously. “You say you were alone at home at the time of the assault.”

“Yes.” The man says, voice steady and Aaron narrows his eyes.

“That’s not completely true is it?” The second the man swallows harder, Aaron knows he has him and he smiles to himself.

By the time he sits back at his table he knows he’s proven that the man in front of him is guilty and he feels confident. He looks at his phone and there’s three more messages from Emily, all more and more risqué, the last picture of her completely naked as she poses on the bed. He feels the dull ache of arousal settle between his legs, his cock stirring at the sight. He knows she’s doing this to rile him up, knows that he shouldn’t fall for it so easily, but he does, anger at her for trying to throw him off his game and arousal mixing.

He couldn’t wait to get out of there.

When he comes back it’s late but he knew she would be there, waiting for him. As he suspected the office was empty, almost eerie quiet as he walked through the space towards his office. As he got closer he could hear the familiar clicking of the keys on the keyboard and when he turned the corner Emily sat there, eyes on the screen but a smug smirk on her lips.

“Good evening, Mr. Hotchner. How was court?” She met his hard stare and her smirk turned into a grin. If it weren’t for the security cameras he would have grabbed her right then and there.

“My office.” He muttered, voice thick with pent up frustration. When she didn’t move a muscle he leaned over her desk, effectively towering over her. “Now. I won’t ask you again.”

Emily waited another second, debating with herself if she should listen or not, but she knew that she would only make things harder for herself if she didn’t so she slowly stood up. When she started to walk the short distance to his office she could feel him behind her and her breathing was already coming out a little faster.

Aaron closed the door with a soft click, but the second the door was shut all pretense of calm disappeared and he grabbed the back of her neck. When she hissed in surprise and pain, it was his turn to smirk and he bent her over the large desk.

“So you think it’s fun to tease me huh?” He growled against the back of her ear and Emily shook her head the best she could. “Use your goddamn words.” His grip tightened and she whimpered.

“No.” It came breathy, her voice trembling slightly from excitement and fear.

“Don’t lie.” He stood up straight, the hand not pinning her to the desk moving over her body, down to the curve of her ass until he reached the hem of her skirt. When he pulled it up enough to expose her underwear he snickered. “So wet already.” His finger gently traced over her damp silk and Emily moaned softly. “You’ve waited for this all day, haven’t you?”

“Aaron- oh!” She’s cut off by the hard spank that lands on one butt cheek.

“Let’s try this again.” He says, his voice suddenly much calmer, restraint she’d always wonder how he possessed making her shiver in excitement. “You think it’s fun to tease me?”

It’s a moment of silence before she nodded.

“Yes.”

Slap!

“You wanted to distract me while I was in court?”

“Y-yes.” She braces herself for the third slap that made a cracking sound as his palm connected with her skin.

Slap!

“You’re that desperate?” He had to stop himself from palming his erection, the reddening skin and slight whine that came from Emily each time he spanked her made him throb inside his pants. This time she didn’t answer, and he spanked her three times in rapid succession, making her squirm.

“Fuck!” She gasped but made no move to try and get away. She could feel her slick coating her thighs, felt maddening arousal each time his hand came down.

“Answer me.” He rubbed over her red skin as he spoke this time, enjoying the warmth that radiated off her.

“Yes.” She whispered and when he spanked her she pressed her thighs together in a vain attempt to try and get some friction against her clit.

“Yes, what?” He kept his grip around the back of her neck as he undid his belt and then pushed his pants and boxers down his legs. The tip of him was already slick with precum, shaft thick and hard and he slowly stroked himself.

“Yes, I’m that desperate.” Her cheeks burned with humiliation, sweat was gathering at her temples and when she heard the low groan behind her she immediately knew what he was doing.

“Pathetic aren’t you.” He spat the word at her and he saw her clench her thighs again in response. He knew how much she got off on being degraded like this, knew that every second he made her wait only made her more excited. Slowly he pulled her underwear down to the middle of her thighs, just enough to see the way her pussy was glistening.

“Yes, Mr. Hotchner.” She whined, her hands desperately grabbing onto the edge of the desk to keep herself from moving.

“Are you sorry for acting like such a slut?”

Slap, slap, slap, slapslapslap!

She cried out as he continued to spank her without pause and she had to shift her weight from one foot to the other to keep still.

“Yes! Yes I’m sorry.” She cried out, tears of pleasurable pain starting to make their way down her cheeks. When his hand didn’t come down again she relaxed, his hand now gentle as he rubbed her lower back and gently comforted her.

He waited for her to calm down, or to show any sign that she wanted to stop but she only gave a quick nod and he knew she wanted to continue. He moved behind her and pressed his front to her back, speaking right against her ear as he pushed her harder onto the desk.

“You think you’re sorry now?” He whispered menacingly. “Just you wait, Emily.”

Before she had the chance to reply, he was pushing inside of her with one rough stroke. He didn’t give her time to adjust to the size of him. He moved to grip both her hips, keeping her still as he set a pace that was bordering on too fast.

She grunted at the sudden stretch, her hands that had been gripping the edge now fumbling against the smooth wood to try and brace herself. The front of her hips would be bruised from how the edge of the desk dug into her skin, matching marks would be left by his hands, and she loved it, loved every second of it.

“Oh God.” She gasped as he groaned behind her, clearly using her body to get rid of the pent up frustration from the last few hours.

“There’s nothing I could do to you that you wouldn’t enjoy, is there?” He bit the back of her neck and she whined. “So desperate to please me.”

Emily could barely form a single thought, let alone string a sentence together. She felt him everywhere, her sole focus was his breathing against her ear and the feeling of him inside of her. She arched her back, hips moving back to meet his harsh thrusts. He had been right, she had been waiting for this all day, had felt the familiar thrumming of arousal since this morning.

The desk rattled underneath her every time he pushes forward, pain and pleasure mixing together and she sucked in desperate breaths of air.

“Aaron,” She whimpered, eyes rolling back as he rutted his front against her back, making sure to press against the heated skin of her ass. “so good.”

“You’re dripping onto the floor.” He taunted her and she felt another flush creep up her cheeks “Filthy thing, my perfect, filthy girl.”

Before she had the chance to say another word, Aaron straightened behind her, and she turned her head to look at him. He looked powerful, even with a wrinkled suit and sweat gathered on his forehead, his eyes looked close to wild, jaw clenched as he swallowed hard at the sight of her.

“Please.” She whispered, trying to get him to move as he continued to stand still, simply watching her. He smirked, the smugness radiating off him as he stepped further away from her, slipping out of her and she groaned.

“On your back.” He muttered as he rid himself of his suit jacket, watching her as she turned and laid back against his desk and kicking away her panties that were around her thighs. “Unbutton your shirt.” He did the same as she hurriedly got her shirt off, her fingers trembling slightly

When she laid back, her skirt around her waist and bra still on, Aaron stepped back between her legs. He slapped his cock against her clit, making her jump. The wet sound was bordering on obscene and he snickered and did it again. Then again and again.

“Beg for it.” His dark eyes flashed with something predatory at the way Emily’s skin blushed a darker shade of pink. “Beg me for my cock. Show me you know I’m the one in charge.”

It’s a beat of silence, Emily biting down on her bottom lip as she watches him as he starts to jerk his cock.

“I can easily come like this, leave you here unsatisfied and desperate, messy with my cum. That wouldn’t be a problem for me.” His eyebrow arches and he fists his cock harder.

She whines, something low and breathy as she wordlessly shakes her head. She couldn’t imagine not getting the release she had longed for all day, her body screaming at her from unreleased tension.

Her mouth opened and closed, the words somehow not forming, some of her defiance clearly still present. He noticed, his mouth pursing for a moment and then, so fast she didn’t have time to react, his palm slapped between her legs, hitting her clit with a sharp smack.

“Fuck!” She hissed, legs trying to close automatically but his hips were in the way. She looked at him, eyes wide in surprise and he only raised an eyebrow at her.

“Beg.” He said again, his shaft moving along her clit, taking away the sting of his slap.

“P-please.” She whispered but she knew it wasn’t enough. “Please fuck me.” She said louder.

“That wasn’t so hard, was it.” He cooed, his hand gentle as he caressed her cheek and then pushed his thumb between her parted lips. He sighed happily when she immediately sucked, her tongue pressing against the pad of his thumb. With his eyes on hers, he pushed back inside of her, filling her completely and she moaned. “Are you begging for my cock or for me to make you come?”

“All of it.” She gasped around his digit. “I’m begging for all of it.”

“That’s right.” He grinned, a low hum of satisfaction falling from his lips as he started to thrust. “Because you belong to me, don’t you?”

“Yes, Mr. Hotchner.” It was enough for her to please him, his thumb slipping from between her lips to her clit where he rubbed quickly, making her cry out.

He keeps her pinned with one strong hand pressing against her hip, groaning and grunting between pants as he picks up the pace of his hips. It’s hard, almost furious, the way he fucks her until she’s gripping the desk and her back is arching.

“Come on, let me feel you soak me.” He encourages her, his voice graveled and strained, his own pleasure building by every second.

She comes with a high pitched moan, her eyes rolling back and body trembling and Aaron groans against her chest. Her mind is still reeling, her ears still ringing when his hips starts to jerk, a telltale sign that he was getting close. Through blurry pleasure she grasps his neck and tugs his hair enough for him to look at her.

“Let go, so I can feel it all the way home.”

The mental image of Emily dripping of his cum on the walk home set something off in him. He growled, the sound raw and deep as he claimed her lips in a desperate kiss. His hips stayed pressed against her, his orgasm intense as his knees buckles at the forceful pleasure that rips through him and with that the last of his pent up tension leaves him.

She hums and rakes her nails through his hair, helping him come down from his high, her own thighs still twitching around his hips.

“I knew you’d like those pictures.” She teased and he chuckled breathlessly, giving them both another moment before he stood back up.

“I should have known you were up to no good after last night.” He smiles and pulls her up, placing a quick kiss to the back of her hand before pulling her into his arms and pressing a kiss to her lips. “You’re such a brat when you want to be.”

“And you love it, Mr. Hotchner.”

She was right, he really did.

#hotchniss #hotchniss fanfiction #hotchniss smut #aaron hotchner x emily prentiss smut #aaron hotchner x emily prentiss #hotch x emily #criminal minds smut #criminal minds fanfiction #aaron x emily #aaron hotchner fanfiction #aaron hotchner smut #emily prentiss fanfiction #emily prentiss smut

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staygoldwriting · 2 years

Text

Cousin Buckley: Part 5

Summary: You’re Robin’s cousin, and you might be falling for Eddie Munson... or will it be Steve Harrington?? 🖤💜

Please see my masterlist for Parts 1-4!

Warnings: mention of blood and a skinned knee, otherwise it’s pure fluff!

Word count: ~1.4k

A/N: AHHH I’m getting so excited about what will happen next even though I’m the one writing it 😂 Again, THANK YOU for the love--I’m sending it right back 😍 Please enjoy this one--it’s getting good 🙊

Taglist is still a WIP but I’m messaging those whose usernames won’t work!

“Okay, I’ve got to work from one to closing tonight, which is a total drag and barely feels legal, but I’ve got to save up. Do you have any plans?”

You were sitting on Robin’s bed as she fixed her hair for work. Robin had warned you that Thursday was her longest shift day, so you needed to make some plans so you wouldn’t be stuck in the house all day. You envied the day before; you two met up with the guys again and had lunch at the park.

“Actually, I was thinking about hanging out with Eddie,” you said, picking at your fingernails.

“Ahh,” Robin turned around with a smirk on her face. “Has the lady chosen her true love? I would have guessed it was Steve based on your interactions yesterday.”

You blushed; you and Steve had been playing around at the park yesterday. He pushed you on the swings, swung with you on the monkey bars, and then played out in the field, ending with you accidentally falling and skinning your knee as you dove for the frisbee.

✨

“Oh my gosh, are you okay?” Steve had rushed to your side. “Shoot, you’re bleeding!”

“I’m fine,” you tried to relieve him. “It’s just a skinned knee. Man, they do sting, it doesn’t matter how old you are.”

“Here, let me help you up.”

Steve lifted you up, wrapping your arm around his shoulder. He then walked you over to a bench, swinging your leg up on it. He grabbed a napkin, then squatted beside you to dab your knee. As you winced in pain, he looked up at you sympathetically.

“I’m sorry,” he said, rubbing your arm.

“Don’t worry about it, you’re helping,” you half-smiled, half-grimaced.

“I’ll be right back, I think I have some bandaids in my car.”

He came back with some bandaids. As he dabbed your knee a little more, you continued to wince. He gently applied the bandaid, making sure it wasn’t too tight.

“Good as new,” he smiled then kissed his finger, pressing it lightly to the bandage then to your nose.

“Thanks, Dr. Steve, what do I owe you?” you joked, trying to hide the way your heart raced as he looked at you admiringly. He tapped his cheek playfully, making you roll your eyes.

“You can also build up a line of credit,” he winked, pointing to his lips.

✨

You looked down at your knee and lightly touched the fresh bandaid. Steve was sweet, that was for sure. He felt like Hawkins, like those summer days full of popsicle stains, collecting fireflies, and freshly grilled burgers. He was the type of person you could dance with if a great song came on the radio while you were cooking.

But something about Eddie made you feel different. Eddie wasn’t the typical all-American boy next door; he was softer, a sensitive soul covered by leather and tough patches and bands. When you thought of him, you thought of late nights gazing at the stars, of staying up all night just talking, of leaning on him the way you did two days ago, but this time with his guitar in his hands, strumming a song he made just for you.

“Hello-o-o, Y/N,” Robin waved her hand in your face, snapping you out of your trance.

“Hey, sorry,” you shook your head. “What were we talking about again?”

“You possibly seeing Eddie today?”

“Right, sorry. Yeah, I think I’ll call him.”

“Go ahead,” Robin smiled. “I gotta go, but I’ll see you later, okay?”

“Okay. Bye, Rob, have a good day at work. Let me know if you want snacks or something, okay?” you hugged her as she nodded.

“Seeya, Y/N/N.”

After Robin left, you got ready for the day and went to the kitchen to use the phone. Robin had written down both of the boys’ numbers in case you needed something while she was at work. You dialed Eddie’s number, and soon, a man picked up.

“Hello?”

“Hi, this is Y/N Buckley. Can I please speak to Eddie?”

“Sure, one second, Y/N.”

“Hello?”

“Hey, Eddie, it’s Y/N. I was wondering if you’d like to hang out today.”

You heard a crash and Eddie cursing to himself.

“Sorry,” he said.

“What happened?”

“Oh, nothing, just dropped the phone. Yes, let’s hang out. What did you have in mind?”

“Do you wanna get some lunch?”

Within fifteen minutes, you saw Eddie’s van pull up into the driveway. As you were walking to the front door, he hopped out of the driver’s seat and rushed up to the door, ringing the bell. When you opened it, he beamed and brought a small bouquet of wildflowers out from behind his back, holding them out to you.

“Hey, these are for you,” he smiled as you grabbed hold of them.

“Oh, Eddie, these are so pretty!” you smiled. “Thank you.”

You moved to hug him, and he accepted it, your arms around his neck and his around your waist. He rested his head in the crook between your neck and shoulder, and you could feel him smiling. You also smiled as you held him closely. He smelled like cigarettes and floral shampoo, a weird but not entirely unwelcome mix. As you pulled away, you looked away, trying to hide your blush.

“Did you know that wildflowers are my favorite?”

“I could say yes,” he scratched his head, a crooked smile on his face, “but I can’t lie to a lady such as yourself. In all honesty, they’re from behind my trailer.”

“Even better,” you said, and Eddie’s eyes sparkled. “I’m just going to put them in a vase quickly. Here, come in,” you moved to let him in.

As you found a vase and filled it, Eddie leaned on the countertop, gazing at you. He smiled as he saw the genuine joy the flowers brought you. As you arranged them, you narrowed your eyes to make sure the flowers fell evenly.

“You’re so cute.”

“What?” you looked up in surprise, a blush spreading quickly across your cheeks.

“What?” Eddie mirrored, eyes wide.

“You think I’m cute?” you asked slowly. Eddie’s face didn’t change.

“I… said that out loud. Okay, um,” he shuffled a bit, snapping out of his daze. “I just need to be honest with you, Harrington and I decided that we weren’t going to ask you out, but, to be honest with you, we both really really like you and we’ve wanted to ask you out since the first moment we saw you. I don’t know how he feels, but every single time I see you, I feel like my heart is gonna burst out of my chest, and I know that sounds cliche, but honestly, Y/N, this doesn’t really happen to me. I’ve been labeled as a freak all of my life, so girls avoided me like the plague. When I met you, I felt like you were just being nice like nice people do, you know? But I feel like we actually get along and enjoy each other’s company, right?” he looked at you, breathing a little heavily.

“Right. I enjoy spending time with you, Eddie, honestly,” you said softly.

“Okay, so you like hanging out with me and I like hanging out with you,” his arms were flailing as he spoke, “but, Y/N, I feel like there’s something more, but I don’t want to make a single move before I hear how you feel. So, Y/N,” he held your arms, “please be honest with me and tell me the truth. I’d rather you reject me and we just stay friends than you say yes and be uncomfortable. How do you feel about me?”

Before you could answer, you heard a knock on the door.

“Eddie!!”

It was a boy’s voice. Eddie looked at you, a heartbroken look on his face, and turned to get the door. A rush of emotions filled you to a breaking point, and you grabbed his arm to stop him and kissed his cheek, quickly but sweetly.

“We can talk later,” you said quietly, and Eddie nodded, his face softening. He opened the door, but when he saw who was in front of him, he groaned and dragged his hands down his face in exasperation.

“What do you want, Henderson?”

To be continued!!

🖤

Taglist: @joequinn94 @simonsbluee @lagataprrr @holeformunson @efvyqrs @fieldofsecretss @phantomxoxo @fanficfanatic204 @steves-robin @toomanybandstocare @aeumi @jmj-1312 @witheringawayagain @theravenclawlover @onlyangel-444 @lou-la-lou @spideyycents @nhdudufhhuddu @livingsimp @homiesexual-or-homosexual @justacaliforniandreamer @auszimbo @hawkins-hs @dumplinshee @ashdoctor @sebastianbarnes @spaceygirly1 @hollandcomics @igotbasicdrag @underthebatcape @kaitcreatesart @evqans @chickennug90 @gttrgrrl @inkedaztec @dearelliewrites @d4td7ewmachine @that-witch-bastard @thatweirdbigirl @timetravelassasin @harryscxnymoon @klaine-92 @frozenhuntress67 @loliakeoghan23 @dinonuggets1967 @roxetteblack @whyislife954 @alphashadows @gothicfaires @eddiemunson_ownsmysoul @simpingoverfictionalppl @luckypainterunknown @vvaleriieee @theshinyrock @mslunawinchester @flipphoneaddict69 @icanreadsposts @beep-beep-sherlock @tillkummer @oliviaak444 @eddiesbattattoos @mlle-ayka @stormsandsea @zeldaknight @livlaughquinn @ssolariiaa @thatonecurlygirl @musicmyheart @luvthatlovestolove @luvbug4728 @morishitoshi @theevilqueen394

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emilyssky · 1 year

Text

Chapter 3: Turn Down The Lights

PAIRING: Lee Know! X fem!reader

GENRE(S): college au, smut, angst

WARNINGS: Mentions of violence and abuse, depression, self harm, eating disorders etc.. mentions of blood, swearing, smoking, smut [ dirty talk, oral; giving and receiving, chocking, spanking, praising, degradation, pet names, sometimes Minho is a dick :)

SUMMARY: "Do you remember what you told me the first time we met?"

"What?"

"You said; Always leave people a little better than you found them" he looked at the floor with a small smile for a few seconds and then his eyes found mine. "You really annoyed me when we first met. I envied your optimism and excitement for life. But each time I saw you, I felt a certain thrill. You made me angry, you made me laugh., you made me feel everything. Something about you made me feel a little more alive each time. I know I fucked up and I know I'm an asshole but I'm also brutally in love with you."

I woke up with one of the worst headaches I've ever had. The events of last night a bit blurry in my head. I groan and search under the covers for my phone. I have 5 missed calls and 12 messages from Chan, a few messages from our group chat, and a missed call from Emma. Last night, after the fight with Minho I got an uber and went straight home, without saying goodbye to anyone. Now I silently curse myself that I didn't. Chan was supposed to take me and Emma home so I decide to go and check if Emma is in her room. I pull myself out of the comfort of my bed and walk across the hall.

"Em?" I gently knock on her door. After a few seconds of silence, I push her door open only to see her bed perfectly made with random pieces of clothing on it and a few shoes thrown around the room which means that she didn't come home last night. I immediately start to panic, Emma isn't the type to sleep around. I dial her number and after 3 rings she picks up.

"What the fuck y/n, you scared the shit out of me. Why did you leave like that? What happened? Where are you?" Her voice is filled with worry.

"I could ask you the same thing. I'm home, where are you?"

"I'm still at the frat house, I slept here last night." She says and I can feel her shyness through the phone.

"Em, who did you fuck?" I giggle.

"Y/N!" She squeals.

"Get your ass over here, we need to talk"

"Do you wanna meet at the cafe near the frat? We need to practice anyway, so we can go straight to the dance studio after."

"Yeah, okay I'll be there in about half an hour. " I say and hang up.

I walk to our shared bathroom and stare at my reflection in the mirror. My makeup from last night is still on, well kinda. I cried so much last night that my eyeliner has spread all over my eyes and down to my cheeks. Last night was too much. It was something that I didn't really want to deal with ever again, seeing him and putting myself in a situation to relive all these bad memories I have with him. I was really grateful for Minho, in a way. I still can't believe that it was him that night. I honestly thought that I would never see that person again. Our conversation that night stayed with me for a long time after. The advice that I was giving him was one that I never seemed to follow, it was a reminder though. I kept the words I said to him in the back of my head to remind me that; I control my life and I can change it any time I want. Which is easier said than done when I find such comfort in the struggles of my life. They become excuses for me to not even try anything better. I shake my head and remove my clothes. I take a quick shower, throw on a pair of jeans and a hoodie, grab my dance bag and make my way out the door. As I walk towards the frat, I decide to call Chan back. I know that he's probably worried just as much as Emma was but honestly, I'm a little nervous to talk to him after everything that happened last night. I don't know if Minho said anything to him or not but either way I can feel my heart racing as I wait for him to pick up.

"You're dead” His voice sends chills down my body, even through the phone.

"Okay let me explain."

"Do you know how worried I was? I can't have a single night of fun without worrying about your ass. What the hell happened?" He sounds genuinely annoyed to the point that it makes me feel bad cause it's true, Chan's always there. He's there for me at every party, taking care of me, taking me home when I'm drunk, and making sure I don't do anything I'll regret the next day. Which is hard.

"I know Chan, I'm sorry" I sigh. "I'll explain everything, are you at the frat?"

"No, I'm at the studio with the guys, why?" I inhale a sharp breath cause I know that being in the studio means that Minho's probably with him.

"I'm going for a coffee with Em, near the frat. She said she stayed over yesterday."

"Yeah" He laughs "She will tell you everything herself, I don't wanna spoil anything"

"How long will you be at the studio?" I nervously ask.

"I don't know. Tell me what happened now."

I take a breath, getting ready to lie to my best friend once again. "I just didn't feel well and everyone was having such a good time that I didn't wanna bother anyone, so I just took an uber home"

"Cut the bullshit Y/n." He brushes my lie off. "Did Minho say anything to you?" At that, I stop walking.

"What? Why would you ask that?"

"He left without saying anything as well and today when I came to the studio, he kept asking me about you" He casually says and my hand that's holding the phone begins to sweat.

"What was he asking you about?" I try to sound unbothered.

"Just random stuff but I found it weird cause I thought that the only interaction you guys had was when you met the guys, which did not go well. Obviously, that's not true so tell me what the fuck happened." He demands again. For a second I consider telling him the truth. That a saw Jackson and everything that happened with Minho afterwards cause Chan is my best friend and I can't really lie to him. We tell each other everything. Well, almost everything. The reality of my relationship with Jackson was something that none knew besides me and him. It's something that I wanna forget, a piece of myself that I don't want anyone to see. I'm ashamed of it. But the more I burn it deep inside me the more it's eating me alive. What was happening for almost a year, took a toll on me. It changed me into a person that I never wanted to be. And now here I am, trying desperately to keep up with the image of myself that my friends and family know and love. Hiding the truth about my childhood and my relationship, and fighting to be the person that I dreamt of becoming. Someone with no trauma, weaknesses, or mental issues. Someone who smiles at every situation and a not a burden to be around. I knew it was a matter of time before all my secrets catch up with me and I know that Minho knowing is only the beginning. I need to take control of the situation. Chan seems clueless about Jackson and that takes a bit of my anxiety away but the fact that Minho was asking about me does not calm down my nerves at all.

"Um, nothing we just bumped into each other when he was looking for the bathroom. He was acting like a complete dick, what's his deal?" I try to push the conversation into Minho.

"He's not a dick. Really." Chan emphasizes the word "He's just.." He trails off searching for the right word.

"A dick." I laugh.

"He's complicated. Don't be quick to judge him."

"Whatever" I roll my eyes. "Listen I really wanna talk to you more but I have to go now, we'll talk later. " I say spotting Emma at our usual table.

"Wait, do you maybe wanna meet tonight? Watch a movie or something?"

"I can't Channie, I have dance practice tonight. Maybe tomorrow?" I offer. Me and Chan used to spend almost every day together but that has changed in the last few months and I have none to blame but myself.

"Um, yeah sure." He mumbles, disappointed at my answer.

"I have to go now, bye ." I hang up and make my way toward Emma.

I pop to the seat across from her. " Tell me everything"

Apparently, Emma ended up hooking up with Seungmin. The moment the words left her mouth, I borderline screamed. She said that they were talking all night long about themselves, life, and other deep shit, and then after a few hours of just talking he finally made a move. It didn't take them long to take it upstairs and they ended up having sex in Chan's room.

"Oh my god, I can't imagine the look on Chan's face when he opened the door" I cover my mouth with my hand, laughing.

"I felt so embarrassed" Emma shakes her head, blushing at the memory.

"Hold up, where did Chan sleep?"

"With Felix" She shrugs.

"Why didn't you guys go back to his place?" I ask taking a sip of my coffee.

"He lives with Changbin, Jisung, Minho, and a guy called Jeongin, which I already know cause we have some classes together."

"There are 5 guys in one apartment?" I scrunch my nose in disgust.

"It's a 2-floor apartment. Apparently, Seungmin's parents are loaded" She lifts her brows for emphasis. "The guys pay half of the actual rent."

"Damn, you should definitely date him" I giggle.

"Stop" She reached to slap my shoulder over the table, which I easily avoid.

"We've been texting nonstop today." She says, blushing.

"Oh." I wiggle my eyebrows at her.

"And he invited me to a party that they're throwing next weekend" She can't stop smiling and that warms my heart. I haven't seen Emma that excited about a guy in so long.

"I mean, you're definitely going"

"You mean, WE are definitely going" She corrects me.

"I'm not in the mood to be a third wheel, thank you very much" I smile at her.

"No, I'm not talking only about you and me" She shakes her head." All of us are invited"

"All of us you mean-"

"Me, you, Hyunjin, and Felix. We all got along so well. Me and Seungmin are not the only ones that started talking." She smiles.

That's just great. If everyone starts hanging out with each other, avoiding Minho will be impossible. I can't believe that the guy that I've been looking for for the past year is now someone I desperately wanna avoid but I can't risk Minho telling Chan anything. I could try and talk to him I guess but I really don't think that he'll care. I'm hoping that he'll just let it go and stay out of it.

"I'm not really in the mood for another party." I try to turn her down politely.

"Y/n, you're coming." She says in a serious voice "You've been locked away in your room for weeks. You won't talk to anyone, you won't go out. What's happening? I'm concerned" Her eyes are filled with worry.

"I'm just not really well mentally. I'm exhausted and I'm stressed with college." I try to brush it off.

"Y/n, mental health is really important and yours has been up and down since I met you. But this 'down' has lasted too long and it's really making me worry" Her hand softly touches mine.

"I know I just- I will get through it, you don't need to worry" I offer her yet another fake smile for reassurance, like the one I've been offering myself as well.

Dance is my life. I've been dancing since I was 6 and somehow growing up I knew that, that's what I was meant to do with my life. While I was in high school I was the best dancer in my studio, but when I got into college I came to realize that I'm only as good as a hundred other dancers here. Hyunjin and Felix are 2 of the best dancers in our year and being friends with them has really helped me. We always practice together and they're always there to help me out. I was supposed to practice with Emma all night long some hard combinations for our class on Friday but around 10 Emma left, claiming she was tired. I decided to stay a bit longer. Late-night practices have lately become a part of my everyday routine. It's a way for me to clear my mind and just let go. For those hours that I'm dancing, the voices in my head disappear. I'm alone in the dance room, just me and the music. None to compare myself to and no teacher to correct my every move. It's the only time of the day that I feel peaceful. Today, however, I'm everything but that. I can't seem to get everything that happened out of my mind and I also can't seem to get any of the steps right. Extremely frustrated at this point, I take a step back and start from the top but it's not long until I step a bit too quickly into one of my turns causing me to lose my balance and stumble backward.

"You're not counting" A voice suddenly says from behind me. I look up into the mirror to see Minho resting against the door with his hands crossed. "You're not counting slow enough. You hurry into the turn, that's why you're losing your balance." He continues when I don't say anything.

"What are you doing here?" I reach for my phone to turn the music off and then turn to face him.

He stares at me, almost as if I caught him off guard. "I was on my way home"

"The studio is on the other side of the campus Minho" I mirror his position, crossing my hands. "Are you stalking me or something?"

A laugh escapes him at my accusation, taking a few steps into the room. "Don't flatter yourself darling" He shakes his head, still smiling. I narrow my eyes at the nickname. I take a moment to look at him, finally under normal light. He's taller than I remember and his shoulders are wide. I can only see the outline of his body through his white shirt and grey sweatpants but I can tell that he's definitely someone who works out. I drag my eyes higher, over his chest that rises and falls at a quicker pace than normal like he's out of breath. I look at his face. Full lips, big brown eyes, and dark messy hair that's sticking into his sweaty forehead. His cheeks look like they're on fire and his jaw is tensed. A big, black bag hanging from his shoulder. I take one last look at his appearance before speaking.

"What are you doing at the dance building?" I ask again. "Were you dancing?" He's definitely dressed like a dancer.

He doesn't respond immediately. Instead, he wets his lips with his tongue and tilts his head a bit, his eyes still on me. There's something about his gaze that makes me feel intimidated. We've only seen each other 3 times and in each one of them, I've struggled to hold eye contact. His eyes are calm and completely unreadable but somehow piercing and intense. His eyes are beautiful.

"Are you not going to answer me?" I press after a few seconds of silence.

He smirks."You seem annoyed. Bad day?"

And just like that everything beautiful about him disappears and my frustration grows. His irony is something that I don't really wanna deal with right now, I would rather be alone. "Yes, today has actually been a really shitty day and your presence isn't making it better" My voice is flat.

"Really? Most people find my company quite enjoyable"

"Right, 'cause you seem like such a joy to be around." I sarcastically say.

His eyes light up slightly, at my clear annoyance. " I could say the same thing."

"You don't know me" I spit through my teeth.

"And you know me?" He snaps back without hesitation.

I take a few seconds to breathe. My chest feels heavy and the all-too-familiar knot in my stomach is tighter than ever. I've been feeling like I'm walking around the edges of a cliff for so long now, desperately trying to keep myself from falling. I need to be alone right now. "Minho, please leave, I want to be alone" I run my hands along my face and through my hair.

"It's okay you can dance in front of me, don't be shy, it looks like you could use the extra help anyway." His lips twitch with suppressed amusement.

"The last thing I wanna do is to dance in front of you and give you another reason to make fun of me. And I don't need any extra help, especially from someone that doesn't know shit about dancing." My voice comes out harsher and louder than I intended.

Minho's small smile drops and I notice the slight shift in his eyes. "I wouldn't make fun of you, As a dancer myself, I've known to respect someone else's effort and passion. " He says in a steady voice.

I pause a bit. What? "But you're studying-"

"I've been dancing since I was 4. It has been my passion for as long as I remember" He cuts me off. "But things change. People change" His eyes soften for only a second as he speaks the last words and then for the first time since he walked into the room his gaze leaves my face and travels the floor and then to the stereo in the corner of the room.

Silence takes over the room and the feeling of guilt grows in me.

"What made you change your mind about dancing?" I question lowly, trying to turn the conversation around and gather any information out of him because for some reason, I'm curious.

His eyes snap to mine as if he wasn't expecting me to press on the matter. "That's not any of your business" He repeats the words I said to him yesterday.

"As you wish" I sigh. "Could you please leave now? I need to practice" I lower the lights a bit and then reach for my phone to restart the music.

"You dance with the lights like that?' He's staring at me. His face is hard, jaw set.

"Mostly, yeah. It makes me feel more comfortable. There're no blinds in this room and people walk by all the time. I feel safer dancing like this"

The loud noise of his bag hitting the ground echoes through the quiet room. I flinch slightly at the sound and lift my eyes from my phone to see him walking towards me. He grabs my phone and presses play to the first song on the playlist that I happened to be scrolling through. He then drops the phone on my bag, turns around, and begins to walk backwards.

His eyes meet mine through the mirror. "Dance for me" His words send chills down my spine. My body doesn't move an inch, his tone and gaze making me freeze.

"I can't. " You confess after a few seconds.

"You're a dancer, and you can't dance?" His lips twitched with amusement once again.

"I'm stuck." My eyes drop to my feet. Minho's words hit me hard, they burn. 'You're a dancer', I smile to myself.

"Dancers get stuck all the time. Listen to the music, let go and dance." Minho's eyes seem softer under the dimmed light of the room and his body stiff as if he's desperately trying to control it, stopping it from moving to the music. I miss that.

"You don't understand" I shake my head. "Everything in my head is stuck, I can't dance" I swallow hard.

He cocks his head. "What do you mean? You're-"

"Yes, I'm a dancer. I am and I'm not. My feet move, they follow the steps, the perform the routines. I keep my legs straight, my toes pointed, arms light and gentle. I try to keep my smile bright and my back straight. I do everything. Yes, I'm a dancer. But I haven't danced in so long. It's like the music doesn't reach my heart anymore, my body moves mechanically and my head is always counting. I don't feel the moves, I can't dance unless it's an already choreographed piece, unless I have to perform, unless I have to be perfect for a class. I don't really see the point in trying anymore. It's not like I'll ever make it professionally." The words pour out of my mouth without my control and I feel like all the suppressed emotions and fears that I've been bottling up and keeping to myself about my future in dance are coming out. My eyes start to burn as I desperately try to control my tears. Every time I meet this man, I somehow end up like that.

"I see people like Hyunjin and Felix, and they're made for this. You can see the passion in their eyes as they dance, even if it's a small piece in class. They put everything they have into it. They dance with their heart. I miss that, so much and I feel like there's nothing I can do to fix it." I'm out of breath by the time I finish talking. And the realization that I just voiced all of this in front of Minho hits me hard. I look up at him, his eyes were clouded and his lips almost frowned. I turn away immediately. The last thing I want is people pitting me, especially him. I quickly grab my stuff and walk past him. He calls my name a few times, but I'm out of the door before he has any time to say anything else.

It's 1.30 am when I open the door of my apartment. All the lights are closed except the light in the hallway that we always leave on. A sigh of relief leaves my lips, knowing Emma is asleep. I left the studio, around 11 pm but I was so emotionally charged that I decided to take a walk instead of going straight home. Listening to music and walking around aimlessly always helps me relax. I think about a million things and nothing at the same time. I think about dance. I think about Jackson. I think about all the people that I call my friends and love more than myself but fill them with lies. So many lies about everything. The person that they call their friend; is that even me? Does anyone actually know me? At that, I probably laughed at loud. I don't even know myself, but that doesn't comfort me. I still feel like the fakest person alive. I think about Minho. I think about how rude he was the first time we met. I think about how he helped me and then how he reacted when he found out I was one of the hundreds of women that have been abused and lied to by a person they loved. Or think they loved. He called me stupid, and maybe he was right. In his eyes right now I probably seem stupid and weak, and after tonight I seem useless as well. I'm fine with it. I'm fine with Minho thinking so low of me, cause frankly, he's not anyone important to me. But the thought of everyone else thinking that way about me makes my stomach turn. Maybe that's the reason I feel so comfortable sharing so much, cause he's a stranger. With him, I don't feel the need to pretend to be someone else or cover up anything. Maybe it's the fact that he already knows or maybe I see it as a clean start considering that he doesn't really know me, either way for some reason I tend to overshare whenever I see him. As soon as I step into the shower, every muscle in my body relaxes instantly, and I stay under the hot water until it turns cold. I slipped into a huge T-shirt that I'd stolen from Chan and climb under the covers. Sleep doesn't come easily to me that night.

"What's up with you?" Hyunjin sits down next to me as I take off my shoes. I woke up 30 minutes before class and basically ran to the studio. My head was all over the place throughout the whole class and Mrs. Martin corrected me about 5 times. I don't really take corrections and criticism lightly. It's hard being a perfectionist when you're the furthest thing from perfect.

"What do you mean?" I say avoiding his eyes.

"Come on y/n." he laughs "You were off throughout the whole class, where's your head at?"

I throw my shoes in my bag, frustrated. Frustrated with myself, with my dancing skills, and with fucking Minho who's the reason I stayed up last night and didn't wake up in time. "I just didn't sleep last night, and I have a terrible headache" I mumble.

Hyunjin runs a hand through his freshly dyed blond hair and sighs. "You know you can always come to me for help, yeah?" He softly says and I know he means it in more ways than one. I've gotten really close with Hyunjin, even though I know him for only 2 years. Both he and Felix have been amazing friends to both me and Emma and I'm honestly so grateful to have people like them by my side.

"And me" Felix sits down beside me, bumping his shoulder into mine. His bright smile is enough to make my day a little better already.

"Maybe we can meet and practice together one of those days. We haven't done that in a while" Hyunjin offers. He lifts himself off of the ground and adjusts his bag on his shoulder. Me, Hyunjin, and Felix used to meet every week, sometimes twice to rehearse together. I guess you can call me lucky that 2 of my best friends are 2 of the best dancers in our class. I always feel safe dancing with them, it gave me room to get better, without feeling judged.

Felix's eyes spark with excitement. "Oh my god, we haven't done that in so long, I've missed it. I've missed us hanging out together." Sadness takes over his voice as we make our way out of the dance room. My heart tightens at the way he spoke. Felix must be one of my favorite humans ever. I haven't met a purest soul than Felix's. He's incredibly kind and thoughtful, always thinking of others first and always with a smile on his face, trying to help as much as he can whenever he can, no matter what. Chan and Felix have been friends since High School. They're incredibly close and Chan's very protective of him. Well, chan's very protective in general.

"Yes, sure we can do that" I end up saying with a smile on my face. "Just not tonight 'cause I promised chan to hang out."

"It's fine, I have plans tonight anyways." Hyunjin shrugs.

"Oh, what are you doing?" I question casually as we exit our building.

"I'll meet up with Jisoo and then I'll go for lunch with Em and Seungmin." Hyunjin says while scrolling through his phone.

"What?" I say dumbfounded. They're already hanging out altogether?

"Yeah." Hyunjin doesn't seem to notice my reaction, instead, his long fingers type something on his phone incredibly fast before speaking again.

"Anyway, I have to go 'cause I really need to shower and I only have half an hour." He swiftly kisses my forehead. "Bye." he yells as he's basically running to his car.

"He's so fucking smitten with her" Felix laughs.

"Yeah, I can see that" I nod smiling.

"Anyway," Felix focuses his gaze back on me. "If you want we can do something together." He says

I shake my head "No it's fine. I haven't hung out with Chan in a while, plus I really feel like going to the studio. It really calms me down"

Felix's eyes soften "Yeah, I know."

"But don't worry, I'll make some time for you in my super busy schedule sometime this week" I joke and my hand comes up to riffle his hair.

His face breaks into a smile. "I hope so."

After a quick shower and a change of clothes, I make my way to the other side of the campus where the studio is. Chan will probably be working late tonight but I don't really have a problem keeping him company since I don't have any classes tomorrow. Plus I love spending time at the studio. I walk through the familiar hallways and stop when I reach the studio door. I lift my hand to knock but before I have the chance, the door opens wide.

"Holy shit!" Jisung flinches backwards and I try my best not to laugh in his face. "You scared the shit out of me" He places a hand over his chest.

"I'm sorry Jisung." I giggle, touching his shoulder apologetically, and walk past him, inside the studio. Chan is sitting on the couch, laptop on his legs, and headphones on.

I walk behind the couch and take them off. "Hi."

His head snaps upwards, and his features relax instantly when he sees it's me. "Hey, there best friend." He smiles at me and pulls me by my hand to sit beside him on the couch.

"What are you doing?" I move closer to him, looking at his laptop screen.

"Just working on some sounds, writing some lyrics. You know, the usual." He sighs, focusing back on what he was working on.

"Did you guys record the song you were talking about?"

"Not entirely. We've recorded Seungmin's and Jisung's parts. We've been a bit stuck on the lyrics actually." He grabs his notebook from the coffee table beside him and passes it to me. " I was hoping you could help a bit. This is what we've got so far."

I take the notebook in my hands and silently read the lyrics. Chan has a way with words like none else I've ever seen. Every time I read something he has written or he plays me songs he's working on, I'm reminded of just how talented he is.

"Chan, that's really good." I honestly say.

A hint of color appears on his cheeks. "Yeah?" He tries to hide his smile.

"Like you don't know that everything you write is fucking amazing" I push at his shoulder.

His smile grows. "That's not true"

He starts playing me all the recorded parts and I have to say, all of the guys are really good, their voices blend so well together. We spent the next 2 hours working on some of the lyrics, playing around with the music, and recording some of Jisung's and Chan's parts. Currently, Chan has gone to the bathroom and I'm on the couch with Jisung. We were supposed to continue working on the lyrics but we started talking and now I'm laughing harder than I've laughed in weeks at stories he's telling me about living with the guys.

"Oh my god, stop, my stomach hurts from laughing" I manage to say through my laughter.

"I swear, he ran around the block in his underwear, it was priceless." He shakes his head at the memory.

"You guys seem so fun."

"You should definitely come on Saturday, so you can see just how fun we are when we're drunk." He smiles. What I've noticed in the short time I've known Jisung, is that he's such a bright person. He's really easy to talk to and tries his best to make you feel comfortable. Bright eyes, and a bright smile, I enjoy being around him. He has a lot of similar qualities to Felix, they would get along well.

"I don't know," I rest my head on the back of the couch trying to catch my breath. My jaw honestly hurts from laughing. "I'm usually a really outgoing person but my social anxiety has been pretty bad lately."

"I get it," He shrugs smiling "I'm also really struggling with anxiety. Have been for years now."

"Really?" He seems so open and sociable that I would've never imagined that he's struggling with something like that.

He shakes his head, laughing. "I'm really shy and I get anxiety over every little thing." He honestly says. "I'm thankful to have people around me that you know, push me out of my comfort zone and help me get over it." My mind trails back to the conversation I had with chan the other day when he told me that Jisung and Minho are really close, and suddenly I'm curious about their relationship but I suppress it. I don't wanna seem noisy.

"Okay, I'll come," I say after a few seconds. "But I'm just letting you know that I'm going to be glued to your side the whole night." I point my finger at him.

A huge smile takes over his face making his eyes disappear. "No problem kid" He ruffles my hair.

"What are you doing here?" Minho's voice interrupts our moment. He's standing by the door, phone in his hand, dressed in black jeans and a simple white shirt that's a bit big on him. His face filled with confusion. I froze a bit not really expecting to see him here and after what happened the last time I saw him I can't stop the embarrassment that rushes through me. I didn't really think about the possibility of him showing up here, but of course, I'm at the studio where he and his friends are working on their music. Stupid.

"She's helping us with the song," Jisung speaks up and I'm grateful for it. "Chan called her."

Minho focuses back on his phone and walks to sit on the chair, facing us. He doesn't seem to share the same uncomfortable feeling I feel towards him but then again he didn't really do anything. I was the one that whined about my problems out of the blue, to a person that I hardly know and hardly cares. But still, the way his face holds the most unbothered expression that I've ever seen bothers me for some reason.

'Why does she knows about music?" He snorts.

"Do you always have to be so rude?" I glare at him.

"It's part of my charm" He smiles, only for a second, and then his face drops again.

I narrow my eyes at him "Oh please-"

"Okay, let's get back into it" Chan enters the room, interrupting me. His eyes fall on Minho, whose eyes are still on me. His face is a mixture of amusement and annoyance if that's even possible and I stare back at him, not breaking eye contact.

"Minho, " Chan pauses. "I thought you weren't coming today. "He sits back on the couch beside me.

"I didn't have anything better to do," Minho shrugs. "and Jisung told me you working on the song." He puts his phone in his pocket and leans forward.

Chan throws the notebook on the table. "This is what we have so far."

Minho grabs it and his eyes scan the page. "Okay," He simply says. "So we're basically done"

"Kinda," Chan scratches the back of his neck. "Thanks to y/n."

"You should come by more often, we could use the help" Jisung pats the back of my head. I feel like a little kid getting praised by his parents for doing the bare minimum.

"Whatever," Minho throws the notebook back on the table. "We were doing just fine. You, Chan, and Changbin are really good with lyrics." He crosses his hands.

"She's good," Chan glances at Minho. "And we could always use some extra help." He says in a steady voice. He seems to notice the clear dislike Minho has for me, not that Minho's trying to hide it in any way. It bothers me, I have to admit. I think that I've been nothing but nice to him since the night I met him a year ago, he on the other hand has been a jerk.

My phone interrupts whatever Minho was going to say. I stare at Hynjin's name with confusion. Why is he calling me? He's supposed to be on a date.

"Hello?" I answer.

"Hi, am I interrupting?" His tone is rushed.

Minho is looking back at his phone and Chan turns to talk to Jisung. "Um, no what's up?"

"You won't believe who I just saw"

"Who?"

"I was leaving Jisoo's dorm and I run into that piece of shit you were dating" My grip on my phone tightens and my eyes widen.

"Jackson? What?" I say shocked. Chan's and Minho's eyes are on me. "Hold on" I mutter to Hyunjin.

"Excuse me" I get up and walk towards the door, ignoring Chan as he calls my name. I walk down the hall and once I'm far enough, I speak again.

"What happened?" I ask, trying not to sound as nervous as I am.

"Well," Hyunjin sighs "We bumped into each other in the halls." He pauses.

"And?" I say, impatiently.

"He asked me how are you doing," I release a breath at that, but Hyunjin continues. "And he also asked me if you're seeing anyone." His tone slightly changes, dropping lower.

"And what did you say?" I nervously play with the end of my shirt.

"I told him that as far as I know, you're not but either way it's none of his business" I giggle at his response. I can almost picture Hyunjin's face, saying that.

"And then he asked me who was the guy that interrupted you when you were talking and picked a fight with him." He clears his throat.

I swallow hard.

"I told him that who you're seeing is not his problem anymore and I left. But as I was walking back I kept trying to remember if you were with anyone that night, 'cause If you had hooked up with anyone, you would've told me." He pauses." First of all, what the fuck? Why were you talking to him? If you're even thinking about forgiving him, I'm done with you." He suddenly raises his voice. Even when me and Jackson were together, Hyunjin never really liked him. After we broke up, I told everyone that he cheated on me instead of the actual story.

"No, it's not-"

"And second, what the hell was he talking about? What guy?" He cuts me off. He sounds annoyed, to say the least.

"Okay, it's not what you think." I try to calm him down. "I was just getting a drink and he somehow appeared in the kitchen. He kept trying to talk to me and I kept telling him that I don't wanna hear shit but he wasn't giving up. At some point, he was almost yelling at me, and then Minho, one of Chan's friends walked in." I clarify.

"Oh, so that's the guy he was talking about?" Hyunjin says, sounding almost relieved.

"Yes. Anyway, basically Minho told him to leave me alone and Jackson was not having it. Long story short, Minho pushed him and we left the kitchen." I explain.

"Bro, that's crazy" Hynjin chuckles." I would really wanna see that."

"You were fucking Jisoo at the moment."

He just laughs at my comment. "So you and Minho?" He teases.

"No, nothing's up with me and Minho." I immediately say, rolling my eyes even though he can't see me.

"What about me?" Minho suddenly appears from down the hall and I almost drop my phone. His hands are in his sweats, a bored-looking expression all over his face as he walks toward me. I glance at him not knowing what to say and hold up a hand in front of his face, silently telling him to wait.

"Yeah sure." Hyunjin says, his voice dripping with irony.

"Really Hyunjin, nothing's up. I have to go now, have fun with Emma and Seungmin." I rashly say.

"Okay wow, rude. Fine but we'll talk about this another time." He says.

"Yeah yeah okay, bye now." I giggle and hang up. I turn to look at Minho, whose back is against the wall, his hands crossed in front of him and his face blank, simply staring at me. He's one of the people that I can never tell what they're thinking cause his face holds the same expression almost all the time. His eyes move around my face. From one eye to the other, down my lips, and back to my eyes again. He stares way too much.

"What do you want?." I speak up, feeling uncomfortable under his intense gaze.

He smiles to himself, noticing. "Were you talking about me?"

"Don't flatter yourself, darling." I smile back at him innocently, using his line. His eyes drop to the ground, and the smile on his lips grows. "I was just explaining to Hyunjin what happened."

"So you were talking to Hyunjin about what happened with your abusive ex?" He grins at me.

My eyes widen at the tone of his voice and I look around to see if anyone heard him. "Keep your voice down. " I say through my teeth, stepping closer to him.

His hands come up to his mouth. "Shit sorry, I forgot none needs to know." The amusement mixed with irony that's written all over his face makes me want to punch him right in that perfectly straight nose of his.

Instead, I narrow my eyes at him. "I told you to forget what you saw.'"

Both of his eyebrows lift up for a second. "Well yeah, but you see, your situation is really interesting to me." He uncrosses one of his hands and brings one to his chin.

"I don't care what you're interested in Minho."

"You're so defensive." He shakes his head, that stupid smile never leaving his face.

"And you are so annoying." I snap back.

"You know most women that are in situations similar to yours try to defend their partner, it's a common symptom". He shrugs.

My hands turn into fists as I try to remain calm. "I'm going to hit you." I lower my voice, glaring at him.

"No really, tell me something" He pushes himself off the wall " Why haven't you said anything to anyone?" His face changes a bit, and the smile that was on his lips slowly starts fading. "Does he have anything on you or something?"

"Minho," I sigh "I just don't want to, drop it, you're pissing me off."

He looks to the left and takes a deep breath. I can see his jaw tightening as he shakes his head and then turns to look back at me. His eyes, suddenly harder than before.

"Stop being so weak, just tell me." He spits.

His words trigger me so much that I forget about Chan and Jisung, only a door down the hall and I raise my voice. "Excuse me?"

He releases a breath through his nose and shakes his head once again, probably regretting what he just said. " Forget it" He mutters and pushes my shoulder as he walks away.

I don't move, trying to control my anger and keep myself from dragging his ass back here and asking him what's his fucking problem. I don't care if he's bored or simply just wants to fuck with someone but my personal life is none of his goddamn business. He knows nothing about me or the situation and the fact that he judges me so easily makes me wanna smack him and cry at the same time. I shouldn't care, I shouldn't, he's none to me. What makes my eyes water though is the fact that his reaction is the same that everyone would probably have if they knew.

Weak. Stupid. Pitiful.

I remained in the hallway for a few minutes to cool down a bit before returning to the studio, Thankfully Minho was not there when I got back. I couldn't stay any longer. I quickly made an excuse, that I have to study and Chan offered to drive me home, leaving Jisung to work on editing some of the pieces that they recorded.

"Thanks for the help," Chan says as he pulls up to my apartment. "Jisung loved you" His smile is soft.

"I liked him too, he reminds me of Felix" I giggle.

"Um, yeah in a way I guess" I scratch the back of his neck.

'You're really close with them huh?"

"Yeah," He nods "They get me you know? Don't get me wrong I love our friend group, but having people that have the same dreams as me is really encouraging. We connected through our love for music."

"I can tell," I shrug, knowingly. "Even by the little I've seen you guys together, I can tell how close you have gotten."

"We're all close, obviously some more than others but we're definitely a team."

"Who are you referring to?" I ask.

"Um, you know how we're all close but Felix and I are a bit close? Or me and you? Or Hynjin and Emma?"

"Yeah." I laugh.

"Well, Jisung and Minho are like me and Felix" He smiles.

"None is like you and Felix." I smile back. Chan and Felix have a connection like no other, it's truly amazing.

"True." He grins. "But they are kinda like that too. Minho has been through some stuff and Jisung was there for him."

I hate the interest that sparks inside me at his words, but I can't help as the thought of the first time I saw him brushes through my mind. I never learned his story and why he said everything he said that night.

"What happened?" I decide to ask. He stayed a mystery for a year, maybe I can finally get an answer, but Chan shakes his head.

"That's not my story to tell. You should ask him yourself if you're interested. But I'm warning you, it's hard to get him to open up about anything."

"Open up?" I scoff. "I can't even say a word to him without him picking a fight."

"He can come off a bit cold at first." Chan struggles to find the right words.

"Rude is the right word, Chan." I correct him.

Chan sighs. "Do you want me to talk to him or something?"

"Oh no," I panic a bit. "It's fine"

"Okay." He pats my head.

"I have to go, thanks for driving me. " I grab my things and get out of his car.

"Goodnight princess" He waves at me, driving off.

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the-nocturnal-writer · 4 months

Text

Dev Log Update 4

Happy New Year everyone!

Time to start the year and (hopefully) dive head first into everything. First off, Dev Logs will become a monthly update, it feels like it spaces them a little better and gives me extra time to focus on writing. I plan to make a lot of little changes now that I have all the current six romanceable characters revealed! It took a while but we did it! I’m so proud of how they all turned out and thankful for all the kind messages during their creation! You’re all the best

I’m working on making stuff easier to find on my profile, things like lore, art, character details, and small things that will be easier to find and access with I finish sorting everything. I’m still unsure about the current layout I’m using, might just be me being picky… I just want one that helps make everything easier to read. Maybe some feedback for that in the future will help.

As I said before, all the RO character art is done! Sonja, Ashborn, Heka, Constantin, Rowan and Eden! This means I’ll be updating all the RO profiles either by the time this log is posted or a little after.

I’m planning to post more lore stuff (Next up is all about Elven-classed creatures and the races within that tree) and have some drabbles I’ve been debating about posting… Some sweet stuff and not-so-sweet stuff… I’ve been writing a lot of nonsense while drawing this gang.

With being home alone a lot more, I’ll be getting a lot more time this year to write and storyboard a bit more. There is so much I want to add, but I know pacing is important in writing, so I don’t want to dump too much into scenes without making them flow better. I have some more light-hearted scenes planned too, because I feel like MC deserves some breaks between the murders and threats to their life.

January is basically just going to be storyboarding, drafting and a lot of writing pfft. Maybe some more art and drabbles if anyone sends in suggestions or wants to see anything in particular! Can you all tell I’m excited?

I’ll try not to drag out today’s log since I was mostly just finishing up character pictures when I could (which I posted. I love them), I’m writing this without having my coffee yet. So- I’m going to go have that and then finish a little drawing of The Wolf Den I’ve been slowly chipping away at.

Let this year be a healing one. Have an amazing 2024 little witches!

-Red

#evenfall grove if #dev log #interactive game #interactive fiction

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enid-rhees · 7 months

Note

Alright so I posted a scene of Elisia and Stinger and that scene got me thinking...

So instead of Stinger asking Elisia if she loves Ash, he's asking if she loves the reader right. And instead of Rowan saving Elisia, it's the reader.

And then you take it from there. Just some angst with fluff at the end if ykwim :)

I hope this makes sense lol. Anyway, ily <3

AHHHH i’ve been so excited to start writing this . i really hope u enjoy 🫶🏻💜 and ily2 💜

— warnings: Stinger, guns, shooting, knives, angst.

— a/n: hope you all enjoy! requests are open, if you’d like to request just read pinned for rules 🫶🏻

you: Elisia?

you: where are you?

you: please text me back so i know you’re safe, wherever you are

you: i love you

staring at the messages that still read delivered under them, you sighed heavily and shut your phone off, pushing it back down into your pocket.

you walked along the streets in the semi-cold air and looked around your surroundings. you knew Elisia was somewhere. she had to be.

your mind started to wander, trying to think of all the places Elisia liked to hide out in. she wasn’t at your house, she would’ve texted you if she was. you pulled your phone out once more and opened your messages, scrolling up to your previous messages from earlier in the day.

Elisia <3: i’ll probably be at Stinger’s, i think he has something to show me, but i’ll come to your place afterwards :)

you stood frozen as you stared at the message. Stinger.

you’ve always had an odd feeling about him, but never verbalized it. you just chose to try and trust him, because maybe he did know what he was doing and could actually help you guys.

you quickly dialed her number, but she never picked up.

“fuck!” you hissed at yourself, shoving your phone into your pocket and running towards the direction of his place. your heart started to race, your thoughts even faster. his place wasn’t far from where you were, so you didn’t bother even trying to get a ride. all you needed was to know that Elisia was okay.

you were out of breath when you finally made it to the suspicious-looking building. you’ve been here before, and almost always felt unsafe just from standing there.

“do you love her?” Stinger asked deeply, slowly taking steps towards Elisia. she backed up, shaking her head. “is Y/N okay? tell me!” she yelled, tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

“it doesn’t matter! do you love her?!” he yelled back. Elisia was silent for a moment, and then she took a deep breath. “yes.” she admitted.

Stinger shook his head, reaching to his side to grab a knife off the table next to him. Elisia stumbled back, but he kept slowly moving closer to her.

“who’s King Cobra?” she asked, still trying to keep her distance from him. Stinger laughed, “King Cobra’s just a name.”

“are there more of you?” he smirked, tightening his grip on the knife. “there will always be more of us.”

Elisia hesitated for a moment before trying to make her run for it, but Stinger immediately caught on and blocked her way.

you ran up the stairs, barging into every room to see if Elisia was in one of them. with each empty room, your heart started to race more and more. in the last room you walked into, your foot kicked something heavy.

a gun laid in front of you. when you picked it up, you opened the cartridge. it was fully loaded. you stared at it for a moment before you put the cartridge back in and held it firmly in your hands.

suddenly, a scream echoed throughout the building. you whipped your body around with wide eyes and wasted no time in running towards the sound.

you ran inside a room, just in time to see Stinger holding up a knife to Elisia’s back, getting ready to swing. you didn’t hesitate for a second before shooting at his leg.

Stinger yelled out and fell to the ground, blood pouring from his leg. Elisia gasped and turned around, her frantic eyes finding yours. you set the gun down and ran towards her, and she fell into your arms with sobs leaving her lips.

“oh my god,” you choked out. you pulled away from her, every so gently holding her face in your hands and wiping away the tears from her cheeks with your thumbs. “are you hurt? did he hurt you?” you asked, trying to keep yourself from crying as well.

she shook her head, “i’m okay. did he hurt you?” you copied her, shaking your head. “i’m fine. i just- you’re okay and that’s all that matters. i was so fucking worried, Els.”

you looked down at Stinger writhing in pain on the floor. “lets go.” you ushered her, wrapping your arm over her shoulder protectively and rushing out of the room.

when you made it out of the building, you stopped Elisia and pulled her into another tight hug. the two of you stayed like that for a few moments, just taking in each other’s presence.

you felt Elisia become less tense in your arms, immediately feeling comforted just by your touch. “can we go back to your place?” she whispered in your neck, gripping onto the fabric of your hoodie.

“yeah, yeah let’s go.” you whispered back, pressing a kiss to her head. she pulled away from the hug and instead wrapped her arm around your waist, while you put yours back around her shoulder.

the walk back to your place was quiet, neither of you knew what else to say to each other after that. you pulled your key out of your pocket, unlocking the front door and letting her go in first.

you closed the door and locked it, making sure all of your windows were shut and covered. Elisia had already started to make her way to your bedroom while you did so. you followed her in, and gently took off her jacket for her, throwing it somewhere in the room.

“what do you need?” you asked her softly. she shakily inhaled, “i just want to lay down. please.”

Elisia crawled onto your bed, wrapping herself in your blanket. you got in after her, wrapping your arms around her securely. she rested her head on your chest and closed her eyes.

“thank you for saving me.” she said quietly, almost inaudibly. you looked down at her, “you don’t have to thank me. i’ll do anything for you, Elisia. i would do anything to keep you safe. you’re my everything, i can’t even fathom you getting hurt.”

“i shouldn’t have gone.” she spoke again, this time her voice cracking. you shook your head, “don’t blame yourself, love. you didn’t know. he can’t hurt you anymore, i’ll make sure if it.”

Elisia opened her eyes and looked up at you. she leaned up and connected your lips, holding onto you tighter than before. “i love you,” she whispered when she pulled away, “more than you know.”

“i love you so much, Elisia. so fucking much.” you whispered back, pressing another kiss to her head and cheek. “get some sleep, baby. i’ll be here all night, i wont leave your side.”

she tucked her head back in your neck and inhaled your comforting scent. within a few minutes, she had peacefully fallen asleep in your arms.

#elisia brown #elisia brown x reader #elisia brown x fem!reader #t@gged #t@gged x reader

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cosmos-coma · 2 years

Note

Heyy idk if you do nsfw or not (no worries if not!) but would you consider a fic where it's the readers first time and they're a bit nervous? (^_^メ)

First time for everything

A/N: Sooooo, I know this is from literal months ago, but I still wanted to get this done for you now that I'm feeling a little easier (emotionally and schedule wise). I don't really do NSFW, but I'll allude to it! (I also realize I'm not 100% sure what character you wanted, but hopefully this works!)

Pairing: Eskel x reader

WC: 628

Warnings: gn!reader (no pronouns), unbeta’d,

__________________________________________

You wrapped your robe tighter around your body and stepped out onto the balcony. Large white snowflakes were lazily falling around Kaer Morhen, occasionally landing on your heated skin to grant you a brief sense of relief.

You were excited, you were, but there was still an anxiety that made your skin too warm and your stomach twist.

Things had been getting more heated than usual between you and Eskel these past few days. Tonight at dinner, you were all smiles and small talk above, yet below the table, Eskel’s hand crept its way further and further up your thigh until you felt yourself wriggling to keep your composure.

“Go get the fire started in our room” he had leaned in at the end of dinner to whisper into your ear “And when I get back, we’ll warm up together…”

You had excitedly hurried back to your room, getting a small fire going and getting into your best robe. However, as soon as you were ready you realized with growing anxiety that you… weren’t sure what to do? You hadn't ever done this before!. Should you pose on the bed? No, no that would be weird… or maybe..?

And thus there you were, facing the breath of winter to try to cool your firing nerves. Your sigh manifested in wispy swirls as you collected yourself, just in time to hear the door open behind you.

“I know I promised to warm you up, but that doesn't mean you have to stand out in the cold…” Eskel remarked with a small smile and walked towards you.

You’ve never been so glad to hear one of his silly little jokes. Your shoulders slumped back into a more relaxed position, letting go of tension you didn’t know you were holding.

Your Witcher’s touch was light when he made first contact. Fingertips glided from your back to around your waist where his strong arms settled with a comfortable weight. You leaned back against his chest, your soft hands coming to rest over his marred knuckles as his other hand closed the open doors before you.

“I can hear your thrumming heart, My love…” he whispered, registering more as lips against your neck than actual words. His notched lips kissed tenderly along your shoulder… following up your neck and finishing their invisible path right below your jaw, where the thrum of your heart must have been strongest.

“Your chest sounds like that of a scared mouse. Are you nervous?”

You took a deep breath, willing your heart to slow in its race. “ It’s… well, I… I’m a little new to this…I mean- I really want to do this, but- I’m not sure how good I’ll be” you said, turning to him, face flushed with an embarrassment you know you shouldn’t- or at least didn’t need to feel.

But Eskel just smiled, an easy-going expression that seemed to soften the whole room. “You don’t need to be perfect your first time, Y/n. Your only job here is to enjoy yourself…” His deep rumbling voice and warm message forced your heart to slow, and your own smile now mirrored his. “And the best way to be good at that is to let me know what works, okay?”

You nodded and held his hand as he led you back towards your shared bed, firm but gentle touches guiding you onto your back.

You watched Eskel slowly climb over you, tender golden eyes never leaving your own.

You felt your Witcher's hands leave ghost-like touches as soft kisses pressed themselves against your ankle…

And Up to your knee…

To your soft belly….

And Over to your chest…

And finally ending their journey at your lips.

Needless to say, this was going to be a very good night.

-------------------------------------------

Taglist: @writingmysanity @open--till--midnight

#eskel my beloved #eskel x y/n #eskel x reader #eskel x you #witcher eskel #the witcher fanfiction #the witcher #eskel

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fatalitysficbakery · 2 years

Text

Priorities. —

Jennifer Jareau x Black Fem!Reader

Genre; Angst/Fluff

Warnings; none.

Synopsis; are you gonna keep running to her and leaving me a shell of my former self?

↳ ❤︎ Heavensficbakery navigation menu ❤︎.

↳ ❤︎ Heavensficbakery criminal minds menu ❤︎.

↳ ❝I get jealous because I am afraid that someone is going to make you happier than I do ❞⁣ -Frank Ocean

liked by jj and 323 others

thatgirlwithdakeyboard get you someone who at you the way emily looks at jj 🫶🏻 w/ @jj & @ssa_emilyp

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jj: this is creepy, garcia. we’ve talked about this!

thatgirlwithdakeyboard: @jj did we?

ssa_emilyp: she is a beauty.

chocolatethunda: not surprised anymore. get a room, ladies 😏

jj: this isn’t what you guys think..

chocolatethunda: nothing to be ashamed of. flaunt it! 😜

2 hours ago

~•~~•~•~~•~•~~•~ + ~•~~•~•~~•~•~~•~

Jealousy is a cruel thing. It can eat you from within. You were glad your girlfriend had a good relationship with her team but sometimes it felt like they meant more to her than you did; Especially with Emily Prentiss.

—A mug in hand, eyes distant and unfocused your mind kept wandering back to that stupid post, and soon the feeling would grow unbearable. Dumping out the cold chamomile tea you’d been nursing and cleaning out the mug, you wondered if JJ and Emily were close; not breaking eye contact as they chatted about a life you were fortunate enough to know nothing about, although sometimes you wished you did. Maybe then you would feel as though you were apart of every aspect in your girlfriends life.

You couldn’t help but wonder…

A notification dings from your phone and surprisingly it’s a text from Jennifer, you heart races with excitement hoping it’d be a message to say she’d be home soon; they’d closed the case. It was. What followed after, however made you want to throw up.

my JJ ❤︎; hey, hun! we closed the case and i’ll be back home tonight. emily and i are getting drinks before i head back. love you!

You scoffed, your heart clenching. “Love you too” you thought, but you couldn’t help but remember to add the I beforehand. Something she seemed to drop in her little message.

—

It grew later and later and still there was no sign of your girlfriend, you were concerned and that creeping feeling rose up, the bile from the dinner you played over threatening to come up. That little green monster peeked in and before long you felt tears running down your cheek; fearing the worst. Then your phone dings and you hoped it was Jennifer, you knew it wouldn’t be but you hoped it was.

laylabear ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ; girl get dressed, you’re coming over for girls night! me and yo sister bout to pick you up. mwah <33

~•~~•~•~~•~•~~•~ + ~•~~•~•~~•~•~~•~

I don’t know why I agreed to this, the night was still going and drinks were going round the table but my mind sat approximately 15 minutes away at home with Y/n. I missed her, her touch set my skin aflame and yet I ditched her for cheap beers in a seedy biker bar with Emily, Tara, and Garcia. Rossi, Morgan, and Reid were playing pool; Kate ditched us for Megan and her husband and Hotch had ditched us for Jack and Beth, something I wish had done instead of feeling guilty when I hadn’t seen Y/n in awhile. Two weeks to be exact- Other than a rushed goodbye kiss before the case we’d just closed swept me away.

My phone dings and I was hoping it was Y/n so I had an excuse to ditch the drunken women laughing loudly at the crappy scratched and way too small table we sat at. Instead it was an instagram notification, for Y/n.

Two new posts of hers pop up on my screen. I wasn’t sure how to feel.

liked by marjai.yln and 12,999 others

cloudnine.yn sista, sista ❤︎. w/ @marjai.yln

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marjai.yln: knew you’d feel better! to the dancefloorrrr 🥂

ladybelle: beautiful fr 🫶🏽

cloudnine.yn: all you and marjai @ladybelle 🌷🤍

1 hour ago

ladybelle and 9,999 others

cloudnine.yn we sum rockstars, we sum sex symbols 🍧❤︎. w/ @ladybelle

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ladybelle: she my bestfriend, yeah we not a couplee 🙌🏽🫡

marjai.yln: @ladybelle ima beat yo ass, get off my sister roach 🙄

cloudnine.yn: @marjai.yln wasn’t you just throwing ass on her?

ladybelle: @cloudnine.yn mmmcht, right !

marjai.yln: @cloudnine.yn @ladybelle see cause stfu 😀

43 minutes ago

—

The first post I didn’t think a thing of, Marjai was her twin sister and I knew she meant the world to Y/n; Then there was the second post. I knew who Bella was- One of Y/n’s longest and closest friend, my stomach tightened looking at the photo, Bella’s hand on Y/n’s ass. I sighed, locking my phone. Wracking my brain with overthinking…That’s when I remembered.

Why was Y/n sad enough that she needed to go out to cheer up? Retracing the steps of that day, nothing stood out; Wait…I turned my phone back on going to Garcia’s post of Emily and I from earlier- My heart sank when I realized Y/n had liked the post.

Y/n wasn’t a jealous person, but that post was something else. I hadn’t exactly told them Y/n and I were dating, valuing the separation of the intensity of my job and the calmness of my life with Y/n.

Guilt was eating me alive. I was wrong to let the team think I was available for so long, to let the idea of Emily and I dating fester. Everyone seemed to think she and I were in love, but that was far from true; I needed to fix this.

“Hey, let’s dance” I look up to see Emily, and I wish I could muster a smile but I couldn’t. Not when I thought there was some truth to the rumors of our love- I was sure she loved me, and even as a profiler and former press liaison, I was stumped on how to address this. Had I been leading her on?

“Um, actually. I thought it was time to head home. I know I’m your ride, sooo”?

I don’t know why I agreed to be the designated driver for her when a perfectly sober Reid and Morgan were still there to take the others home.

Hopefully, It wouldn’t be so awkward now that I know what I know.

~•~~•~•~~•~•~~•~ + ~•~~•~•~~•~•~~•~

Marjai and Bella’s attempts to cheer me up had worked for a bit, until I saw the second post. I wanted to go home, sob into my pillow, yell at Jennifer. I didn’t want to jump to conclusions, but the evidence seemed too clear. Seeing Marjai and Bella dancing, I smiled. The only genuine smile I could muster was the one of happiness I held for the two.

My mind wanders, and being only three drinks in- It was time for me to leave. Sending a text to our groupchat, I depart. Ready for home and to cuddle Jennifer and I’s pets till I fall asleep, my tears dampening their fur.

—

The lights dim, you could smell that familiar mango shampoo in the air; You weren’t ready to face tonight. To admit you did get jealous, and that you saw how much Emily meant to her— That it hurt like hell.

Chewing on your bottom lip, you slip off your heels, and that’s when you hear her footsteps coming to meet you in the living room; You gulp.

“Y/n”.

“JJ”.

It stung, you didn’t call her JJ, you called her Jennifer, Jage, Anything but JJ. You told her it felt too common to be special, you adored her name and giving her little nicknames you liked to come up with. JJ was for everyone, but Jennifer Jareau was for you. Or at least you thought so.

“So, Bella”?

You could feel the tips of your ears going red at the shamelessness of her question, the audacity to ask such a thing after that second fucking post. The first was innocent enough, but that second one had slowly ripped your heart out, “No. You don’t get to ask that, JJ. Not after tonight. Not after Emily”.

You tried to separate yourself from the situation, fearing your emotions if you didn’t, but it looked as though Jennifer wouldn’t let you, she followed behind you to your shared bedroom, still talking. Still accusing. And all you could think about was that fucking post.

“Emily? She’s just a colleague, and you know it. I don’t let her grab my ass though. Do I”?

You spun around to look at her, tears pricking at the edge of your eyes as your mind recalled the posts, the way she’d drop anything for Emily; Even when she hadn’t seen you for awhile.

“You don’t. You also don’t help make your sister jealous so she finally understands that she’s just as in love with your bestfriend as your bestfriend is in love with her. You don’t get tagged in a post of them afterwards and get thanked for it either. Do you”?

You held your phone up to JJ, a post displayed on the screen that made JJ feel like a jackass.

marjai.yln and 999 others

ladybelle finally my lil lady ♡︎ w/ @marjai.yln. thank youu @cloudnine.yn for finally making her see she needed a me in her life. i know i needed me a her frl..

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cloudnine.yn: anything for my bestfriend and soon to be sister in law ;)

marjai.yln: y’all are evilllll ☹️‼️ i’m so happy tho. i love you bitches ig, and i love you babymama 🤎.

cloudnine.yn: @marjai.yln no ig to it ❤︎. happy for you, mwah <33

ladybelle @marjai.yln i love you, shordy ♡︎ and i love yo big headed ass too @cloudnine.yn thank youuuu <3

cloudnine.yn: @ladybelle love you too, ugly 🙄🫶🏽

1 hour ago

—

She made a move to get closer, maybe apologize, until you showed her the next post.

thatgirlwithdakeyboard and 198 others

ssa_emilyp my girllllllll

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chocolatethunda: knew it! 🤪

prettyboy: @chocolatethunda I somehow did not.

thatgirlwithdakeyboard: i ship 🚢

luketheduke: @thatgirlwithdakeyboard i owe you $20 i guess.

thatgirlwithdakeyboard: @luketheduke YUP. pay up!

3 hours ago

—

“You have a lot of nerve to accuse me of something like that when this is happening right in front of my eyes”.

She sounded broken, on the verge of tears, and I was filled with immense regrets about my friendship with Emily; For so long I thought we’d had a sisterly bond, and now she felt comfortable enough to think I was her girlfriend, when I had the world in front of me. I wasn’t intestered in losing that.

“I-I swear I didn’t know she posted that, I don’t like her. I promise, Y/n. I’m only for you”.

She nods, fighting back tears. Retreating to the couch, I followed her like a lost puppy, one guilty of eating their owners slippers; I basically was in the moment.

“Are you? Maybe you don’t love her or like her back, I believe you. But I can’t help but think she’s more important to you than I am, Jaje”.

I try to speak but she cuts me off with a shake of her head, “You were quick to ditch me for her after not seeing me in two weeks when she gets to see you more than I do. You were quick to postpone our date to go help her move into her new house when the rest of the team was there to help. Maybe, I’m not apart of this profiling FBI world, but I wish I’d be able to take a peek into it. For you to show me all of you. To make me as much of a priority as she is. Maybe, maybe you don’t see it, but Emily is in love with you and the longer you keep us a secret the more comfortable she gets flirting with you and thinking you’re hers. I’m tired, Jennifer. I’ll see you tomorrow, hopefully”.

She walks away to our dresser, struggling to unzip her dress. I knew she was right, going up behind her, I unzip her dress, kissing the freckles on her back before mumbling in a whisper, “I’ll make this up to you. I promise”.

When she goes to sleep, I sigh and open Emily and I’s messages.

we need to talk, asap. see you at work monday. this is serious.

~•~~•~•~~•~•~~•~ + ~•~~•~•~~•~•~~•~

Jennifer really was the definition of actions speak louder than words, she took a few days off, turned her phone off and doted on you, realizing how much she’d missed and needed you.

You spent the day in before nightfall came, you took a shower and went downstairs in your robe; A wolf whistle sounds out.

“You’re too much, Agent Jareau”.

Sitting in her lap, it felt like old times and you couldn’t have been happier- You’d become horribly sad when Monday finally came.

“That’s Miss Jareau to you, and I’m just making up for lost time. I love you, okay? Now go get dressed, we’re going out”.

—

↳ your outfit (1st) jj’s outfit (2nd)

The restaurant she took you to was magnificent, you fell into comfortable conversation, like old times, when you felt you weren’t her second choice; when you felt like the only choice. She was gentle, and so sweet- You could tell she wanted to fix this.

“Again, I’m sorry for my behavior. You’re my main priority. I shouldn’t have treated you as if you were anything less than”.

Your dimples were her favorite feature about you, and when you smiled she swore she could see the stars in your eyes, “You’re my everything, and uh. I think it’s time you meet my team. I’m sorry that it took so long for me to do this”.

Eyes widened, and shock painted on your features; You tear up. You’d wanted Jennifer to let you inside her world; Every aspect of it. Now it was finally happening, “God… You, Jennifer Jareau, are the love my life. I’m so lucky”.

Kissing your hand, she shakes her head as if to say, “I’m way luckier”.

—

cloudnine.yn and 2,962 others

jj MY forever girl 🤍.

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thatgirlwithdakeyboard: she’s precious! i need to meet her for a proper apology. she looks like a strawberry shortcake kinda gal? 🤔

chocolatethunda: 👀 jj got herself a girlfriend

cloudnine.yn: @thatgirlwithdakeyboard correct! it’s my fave.

jj: i’m so in love with you, precious @cloudnine.yn

cloudnine.yn: i love you even more, darling 🫧🤍 @jj

ssa_emilyp: who the hell is that…

cloudnine.yn: @ssa_emilyp her gf.

jj: we need to talk, asap! @ssa_emilyp

prettyboy: I always knew it wasn’t Emily.

58 minutes ago

~•~~•~•~~•~•~~•~ + ~•~~•~•~~•~•~~•~

A/N: might be a two

parter? not sure yet.

103 notes · View notes

eupheme · 2 years

Note

Can’t believe the end of PFYT is upon us! 💗 To celebrate your amazing series I had a question and I hope it isn’t weird for me to ask and please don’t feel pressured to answer this if it is! So I remembered how you mentioned in the first chapter that she was on the pill and it made me think about there potentially being a pregnancy scare for her and Alfred in the future now that they’ve become more official. I wondered if you ever thought about how he’d react? I’m sure there’s so many complicated feelings about that for him and her as well 🤔 this may have taken an angsty turn on no lol but yeah just curious what you think, I feel I could pick your brain about a hundred things related to the series!

Hi anon, this message was so sweet!! 💕 I was excited to get it, because it was definitely interesting(and comforting) to think about all the feelings that would be involved. I ended up writing a little, open-ended drabble from Alfred’s POV, I hope you like it. (And I’m also so so happy to hear you enjoyed the series!)

(I do have a couple notes at the bottom but please skip if you’re not interested in my personal thoughts, haha)

What If

Alfred Pennyworth x F!Reader

Rated G - 1.2k

Tags- pregnancy scare (intentionally vague, with an open ending left up to reader’s preferences!), mention of periods and birth control (pill), angst, anxiety, and comforting fluff

He blinks, not sure he’s heard correctly.

“Pardon?”

A crease appears between her eyebrows, her eyes searching his, “Alfred, I’m late. We’ve been so busy, that I hadn’t noticed. But I’m about to start a new pack and…”

Her words are rushed as she swallows, her eyes dropping, “And I think we should-”

Alfred shifts for the first time in minutes, shoulders strung tight as he stands in their bedroom. Mind already racing ahead, and he has to force himself to slow down when she confirms what he thought she was saying.

“Has this happened before? Being late?” His voice is somehow low and steady, despite the way his heart has kicked up.

A moment as she thinks, and then nods, “It has. Sometimes, in the past, but not since… not since we’ve been together.”

He exhales. Finally seeing the tension in her own body, and then he’s trying to soften, stepping closer. She curls into him, cheek pressed into his shoulder, his eyes far-off as his lips press into her hair.

“I’ll buy us a test, then. Would you like to stay here?” He doesn’t really want to leave her, but he needs a moment alone to think, to work things out in his own head.

Always pragmatic, always a planner. She needs him, but he can’t be there for her the way he wants to be with his stomach in knots like this.

She nods again, fingers gripping into his shirt. When he finally steps away, they trail after him for a moment, before dropping.

——

His hands are stiff from clutching the steering wheel so hard. Sitting in the parking spot for just a moment longer before going in.

He’s not stalling, he would never leave her waiting. Just needing one more second to process the endless loop of thoughts from the drive over.

The thought of possibly being a father, though he had never considered himself one. How he hadn’t been, when he need to be. The guilt had gnawed at him for years, slowly stripping him away.

Of course he had - does - love Bruce like a son. Couldn’t love him more, if in another world, he had been. But the memories that have spanned the last twenty years still felt so fresh at times - the loss and the pain and the shaky ground that was just now leveling out. It staggered him.

It’s had only been recently - with the addition to the family, the young master Grayson - that the sharp, aching edge of self-loathing had started to ebb. When Bruce had turned to him, during those first nights - so lost and unsure how to help.

Alfred had seen himself, from those twenty years ago.

It’s then, when he had felt like he had helped, when he watched the way Bruce had slowly and carefully become more confident - when he had smiled wearily at him some days later, offering a low “thanks” and an “I’m glad you were here” that things had changed. Just a little.

It had almost felt like a redemption.

His hands still ache. Alfred had been idle for far too long now.

Making himself move, he opens the door.

——

She’s still in the same spot, back pressed against the bathroom door as she sits on the carpet. Pushing herself up when the door opens, when he coming in holding the small plastic grocery bag.

He can be there for her, now. His hands smoothing over her shoulders, cupping her cheek in his palm - still on edge but he thinks he’s got a handle on it.

“Do you want me to go in with you?” Alfred offers, and she smiles then, nose wrinkling.

“No. I can do that part myself.”

He wonders what she’s been thinking about. Hasn’t even asked her how she’s feeling, too caught up in his own worries. It makes his head duck, pressing his mouth gently to hers.

His brave girl. He’s not going anywhere. He’d never leave her. Would never dream of it.

He hopes she knows that, even if he can’t quite manage to say the words out loud.

“Will you wait with me when I’m done?” She asks, sounding more like herself when they pull apart.

“Of course, love.”

——

He’s so in love it hurts, and maybe that’s why it’s hard. Or maybe that’s why he’s been able to work through his emotions so quickly.

She’s softened him, since they’re met. Showed him things he’s never thought he’d have - things that he had thought about before, when he was younger, but had long given up.

And he can’t pretend, that sometimes… when he comes home from an errand, or from stepping away - seeing her curled on the couch, smiling and laughing as she watches a video on her phone with Dick - that there hasn’t been something.

A lurch in his chest, a wondering floods into his mind, that steals his breath. For just a moment.

One that doesn’t have to do anything with the fact that he’s glad they have her - that he is immensely grateful she gets what the young boy is talking about - because he certainly does not understand why you would watch a video of someone playing a game.

And although the pattern repeats through his head - worries of being far too old, of failing again, of not being good enough - there’s something else there now, small and bright.

Because, he already is a father. And part of him wonders, if he had her with him - if they did this together, then maybe…

But then the door opens, and he’s stepping in. It rests on the counter that she leans against it, face-down. He had bought the best that had available , although he knows they all worked the same. One that spelled out the words, so that they wouldn’t have to try to interpret the little blue lines.

Chewing on the inside of her lip as it closes behind him, as he moves to lean next to her. Their fingers finding each other, entwining tightly.

A moment, before she asks, “How are you feeling?”

He hates that she asked first, that she’s worrying about him. Wondering when he became so readable, over the weeks and months they’ve been together.

She seems unable to help adding, “I just- I know this isn’t what we’ve talked about, what we’ve planned-”

And then he’s softening more - turning her way, filling her line of sight, cupping her jaw and tilting it so that all she can see is him.

“We’ve been through so much, dove. And we’ve always figured it out.” Her face is warm in his hands, where she’s blinking up at him, “No matter what happens, no matter what we decide together, we’ll be okay. I promise.”

A breath, before he tells her again, and not for the last time.

“I love you and I always will. Nothing will ever change that.”

He wishes he understood the look that crosses her face, the tears that seem to spring to the corners of her eyes. And so, as she sniffs - he asks the same, “How are you feeling, darling?”

“Oh,” she breathes, with a small, shaky laugh, “Same, I think.”

A brief moment of relief, at last.

Together, they take a deep breath, leaning against each other for support. His thumb smoothing over his and they wait for the alarm she had set to sound.

And when it does, they flip it over - together.

Notes - And ah, you asked me if I’ve thought about it, and to be honest (and probably way too info, sorry!) one of the reasons Alfred appeals to me so much personally, is that I interpret his character as “older, reluctant father figure” + a disinterest in his own bio children. In the movie, when he mentions Bruce needed a father and all he had was him - I think that’s such an emotional part and has really stuck with me, and I really love the idea that even though he fails there and does not see himself as a father or a father figure, he would have a second chance helping Bruce become a good one as he adopts the future batfam.

But like I said, that hc/interpretation is fueled by my own self-interest!! I can absolutely see the appeal of the above + expanding his family in a way that he had never imagined for himself (purely because of his situation, maybe it’s a dream he felt like he had given up on) - that is a really such a beautiful thought. 💖

#you can pick my brain anytime!#please mind the tags!#tw: pregnancy #tw: pregnancy scare #tw: periods #alfred pennyworth x f!reader #alfred pennyworth x reader #alfred pennyworth x you

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writingfics-passingtime · 1 year

Note

I also want to say I listened to Vigilante Shit by Taylor Swift while reading some parts of the story and it just fits so well, I love it. Fluffy headcanon where the both of them listen to that song and they're just having fun and being happy. Anyways. Congratulations on finishing this magnificent story. I know it wasn't easy, but you're a marvellous writer and I can't wait to see what stories you deliver in the future. You should be really proud of this one ^^ 3/3 (wow this was long sry :') )

Lovely anon, I’m putting your first two messages and my response under the cut to mitigate spoilers 💜

Off the Record (Part 3/3) major spoilers below !!

Ask 1: Okay. Wow I think this is going to be long. Off The Record 3 was absolutely amazing???? Like, I was so invested in the story my heart was racing and for a moment I was truly wondering if it would end up in tragedy. The confrontation on the balcony was absolutely incredible, so so well written, I was truly fearing for reader's life. The way she finds out about Matt/Daredevil was one of my favourite things, it was just so asdfghjjk “…I’ll be right there the whole time.” Bye. I loved it. 1/

Ask 2: And as she was falling I was like "are we REALLY having another AG!Spiderman/Gwen Stacy situation???" AND THEN HIM. I screamed and I died dead. Just- genius. "Everything was impossible yet still the choir sang hosanna as the devil held your hand." so so beautiful, seriously. "Then again… maybe you’d already figured it out. Because today, of all days, you were wearing that damn perfume." Crying, I love them so much. And that epilogue??? All that I could've wished for and more.

I can’t explain to you how stupid big the grin was on my face when I woke up to these messages.

I read your asks over and over and then kept coming back to them throughout the day.

This thing took me dozens of hours (I’m sure well over a hundred in total for the series) and kind words like these seriously make it all worth it. To know that people out there are reading what I wrote and engaging with it, getting excited by it ,and feeling while reading it is so special.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to fully express what this meant to me. Thank you. You are a treasure and I’m so grateful you took the time to message me 💜

#Answered #Thanks anon!#i did cry when i read this in case you were wondering #I couldn’t stop smiling for at least fifteen minutes #You people are so nice to me what the fuck #Your reactions to what i write is serotonin straight to the vein

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ruminate88 · 7 months

Text

Discarded And Confused

I had been questioning for months why Andrew wasn’t breaking up with me when he seemingly appeared too stressed out and busy for me. He barely spent time with me after he love-bombed me and I just didn’t understand what was going on. My biggest fear was that I wasn’t the only girl he was flirting with or talking to. I was also confused and irritated by the fact he was calling me “babe” or “beautiful” but treating me like some random chick he didn’t know. Never called me by my real name and I questioned did he remember my real name or was he talking to so many other girls he didn’t know me that well??

After Valentine’s Day, he just appeared more cold but would randomly be romantic towards me when I least expected it and I was too invested to just walk away. I had been stalking all of his social media, including his mom’s and I was totally obsessed with him! I couldn’t focus on anything else or get any work accomplished. I was just very distracted and only wanted him. I just could tell he didn’t want me the same way BUT when he would randomly be romantic with me, it would confuse me. He called me “babe” so I called him “babe”!! I loved it and didn’t want it to go away but something deep inside me just knew it was all over!!! My friend Bri had been secretly texting him behind my back trying to get answers for me, when I asked her not to do it!! She didn’t tell me for a whole entire month!!!

When Spring break started, exams were FINALLY OVER and I was so excited. Andrew left and went home. He was super chill now with no stress!! I was looking forward to spending much needed time with him but never knew what was about to happen. Monday, first day of spring break, we are texting and I ask him what he’s getting to do on his break. He tells me he’s with his grandpa at the doctors. I believed him because I had no way of knowing otherwise. IN the midst of what started out as a simple conversation, Andrew began to text me, “I don’t know why you love me so much. I’ll never deserve you or be good enough for you!” UGH!! Same weird conversation as Christmas. Once again I thought he was breaking up with me… I told him to understand I was going to be upset and cry but to give me space and it’s ok. I can tell he wants to break up, I felt it awhile and I wasn’t surprised but it still sucked. Andrew was just acting soooo funny with me. I went on a walk, trying to figure it all out and make sense of it all. There was just sooo much fog!!! However, Andrew tells me “I’m NOT breaking up with you.” I didn’t understand at all why he was saying that and I tried so hard to pour out my undying love for him but I could just feel myself grasping my nails onto him, holding on for dear life while he’s slipping through. It was frustrating, super emotional and confusing!

A few days later and I think we’re okay now, I wake up to Andrew randomly being romantic again!! He’s all over me and I’m soooo excited. We cyber sex, it’s hot and I’m thinking things are turning back around…. I can’t truly remember if it was that night or next day, BUT Bri text me, asking how things are going. I tell her it’s gotten better with Andrew, that he’s spending more time with me and even cyber sexted me. Bri was shocked AND knew then I was going to be that much more upset. Bri proceeds to tell me she has to confess something and that I’m NOT going to like it. I already know it’s bad but I’m bracing myself for what she’s going to send me. Then Bri finally confessed she had been texting Andrew behind my back for a month, he’s tried to flirt with her, she has messages of it AND says I’m probably not the only girl he’s talking to/dating. Bri sent me screen shots of messages and instantly my heart was racing, my hands were sweaty and I was breaking down ready to cry!!

In the messages between Bri and Andrew, she asked him what he’s doing and he says “he’s in the shower 😉, does she want to join?” AND she asked him “Is there anyone else you’re talking to?” AND Andrew said back, “There’s nobody else”….. WOW 😣 I was instantly heart broken and super angry. A year with this man, sending pics of me and wasting my time focused and obsessed with him. Right away I sent the screen shots from Bri to Andrew and told him, “You need to explain this right now!!!” Andrew pretended to be so shocked and asked me, “Where did you get these????” I told him from my friend, Bri, and that I think he’s cheating on me. Andrew pretended to be so confused, asking me who in the world Bri is, says he doesn’t know Bri and RIGHT AWAY says, “I thought that was you and that you made a new account on KiK!!!!” Even though we had been cyber-sexting from KiK, texting from our actual phone numbers AND sending Snapchats! How could he be so dumb to believe I would make another KiK account???? I remember wanting to call Andrew on the phone to hear his voice and get his story.

I called Andrew up, he actually answered and I told him how my friend Bri said she texted him behind my back trying to see what he would say. Andrew told me he believed it was me he was talking to the whole time and NOT to be upset at Bri, basically he doesn’t think she did anything wrong AND never admitted to cheating of any kind. Stuck with the story that he believed I made another KiK account and he was talking to me the whooooole time. I was sooooooo confused!!! Part of me believed he was trying to cover his butt and another small part of me actually thought maybe he’s “that stupid”…. My friend Bri was trying to defend herself and tell me Andrew is lying and cheating that I shouldn’t trust him but trust her only!! At that point, I was so hurt and bothered by all of it, I trusted no one and I was sooooooo heartbroken!!

At some point Andrew and I are on the phone and there’s no yelling, he stopped defending himself but he just wasn’t really saying much. I’m just standing there with the phone to my ear, holding back tears, snot trying to drip from my nose and my stomach was shaking. I asked Andrew what’s next, what does he want to do, does he want to break up?? He refused to answer, he kept putting it back on me, saying, “What do you think we should do??” Wow… THAT was beyond what my mind could understand or make sense of. I asked Andrew a simple question, “Well, can you say you love me??” …… Silent. Andrew said NOTHING! You could hear a pin drop. Andrew had no answer, which told me everything I needed to know but it still sucked and made no sense. SO I said back to Andrew, “If you can’t say you love me, you should break up with me!! Why would you date someone you don’t love??? Andrew’s response to me was, “You are so good to me, just the sweetest girl I’ve ever met. I don’t know why you treat me so good. I never deserved you and I’ll never be worthy of your love. I just want you to be soooo happy and I don’t want you to cry!!!” WHAT??!!! Worse, we went in circles…. I told him I did love him very much and he made me happy but if he doesn’t love me, he shouldn’t be with me and that I WAS going to cry because he hurt me.” It’s like Andrew just could not handle breaking up. He was refusing to say it, refusing to end things and kept saying the same phrases over and over, “I’m not worthy of your love” and “I don’t deserve you”….. It felt to me Andrew was wanting me to end things instead of him doing it but I was still very very confused and grasping to what little bit left with him I had. Obviously I wanted him to feel the way I did and he wasn’t going to. I had NO idea he was just using me and manipulating me. I could not understand him.

I stood there on the phone trying to be brave and be a “big girl” but it was hard. Tears on the edge of my eyelids, not able to fall down my cheeks yet, snot sliding but I kept sniffling it back up, embarrassed, scared, confused, sad, not quite accepting he’s lying and cheating!! Asking him what he wants to do from here. He just kept saying, “I don’t know what’s best for us.” BUT WHY???? If Andrew couldn’t say he loved me, how could he NOT know what to do??? 3 LONG HOURS WE WENT IN CIRCLES having the saaaaame conversation, Andrew continued to say he didn’t want me to cry, that he only wanted me to be happy but I told him I was not happy because he can’t say he loved me and he talked to Bri behind my back, telling her “There’s nobody else” and I told Andrew, “I’m just a nobody to you!!!!” Andrew swore he didn’t mean that but obviously he was caught, he couldn’t take it back or change it and the fact he couldn’t say he loved me, was enough for us to go our separate ways ACCEPT Andrew wouldn’t end it with me. He drug the whole thing out, he kept saying what I wanted to hear to prolong me from leaving him. He would NOT let go of me and it was making me a wreck!!!! I could not make sense of why he wouldn’t just end it and say “sorry let’s break up” NO! He kept circling back around to “I want you to be so happy”.

SO, I was getting exhausted and weary. I told Andrew that we weren’t getting anywhere in the conversation that I needed a break from him. He has pushed me to the edge where I was about to fall off into a dark abyss. I hung up, I’m so hurt, sad and confused, I just didn’t know what to think of him. I was pacing the floor feeling hopeless with him. Not much longer after that, Andrew sent me the most frustrating text!!! He said, “Why do we have to make a decision today??? Why are you making this such a big deal?? What if we both take the weekend apart from each other and think things over first then come back together and decide then…” WAS HE SERIOUS???? My heart was crumbling to pieces, my nerves were at an all-time high and my stomach was shaking soooo hard!! I could not believe he asked that of me. Quickly I became in rage and I FINALLY stood up for myself!! I called him and after several rings it went to his voice mail… I POURED OUT MY HEART AND SOUL IN ANGER! I said in my voice message, “NO! You are not dragging this out! That’s so unfair to me!!! I’ve been so good to you and no we are not taking a weekend apart to think it over, since you can’t do the breaking up for some reason, I’m DOING IT FOR YOU!! IT’S OVER!!!!!!!” I was crying, shaking, I kicked the wall and slammed the door. I paced in circles just falling apart such a mess!!!!!!!

20-30 minutes later, Andrew sent me a text saying he went with his mom and sister and left his phone at home by accident. Then asked me did I try to call him…. Wow. 😨 I told him YES and that I left him a voicemail. He said okay that he will listen to it and be right back. (He was trying to pretend like nothing was wrong) IT WAS SO WEIRD!! Not much longer after he said he would listen to my voice mail, he came back to me AND his response was, “Awwww… okay. Can we still be friends?” 😳😰🫣😤🥺😖😭

I knew then that’s what Andrew wanted all along was to break up but it made no sense to me why I had to do the breaking up and the way he had no emotions about it just wrecked me!!! It tore me up and shattered my heart into a million pieces!!! I had no idea what to think or believe about Andrew at that point. He made nooooo sense!!!!

That night my family was over my house and I was locked in my bathroom with my fan on, crying so hard, not able to breathe and it hurt so much!!!! It was MOST confusing and hard to piece together. That whole night I was tossing and turning, I dreamt he was trying to still hook up with me and that the breakup wasn’t truly over. When I woke up the next morning, he was ALL I could think of and I missed him so bad I couldn’t resist texting him. I wished him good morning and asked how he was doing… he said he was “fine” and asked me how I was doing… I told him I felt like a zombie, that I cried all night and I was so sad and hurt. He told me “sorry” which didn’t feel legit but told me I needed space and that I was “going to be okay” AND stopped responding to me. I was a mess all day and regretting breaking up with him EVEN THOUGH I KNEEEEEW I did the right thing. I KNEW in my gut things were not right with him but just couldn’t understand it all. I was in serious trauma bond and cognitive dissonance!! I could not keep away from him and found myself running back to him for further punishment and that’s what I got!!

I then proceeded to spend a summer of torture and humiliation with Andrew! It was a nightmare and I believe he’s an evil person!!! I believe he was trying to push me to hurt myself. I’m not gonna wanna talk about that either but maybe my story will help someone make sense of their situation?

#emotional abuse #narcissistic abuse #self healing #unpacking #my story #self awareness #healingjourney #narcissism #online relationships #heartbreak #discarded #narcissistic personality disorder #trauma bonding #cognitive dissonance #scary #sad stories #confused

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from-a-reckless-writer · 3 years

Text

iv. couch.

read on ao3

To Lena: r u busy??? U didnt answer my calls. Dinner later?

To Lena: my place.

To Lena: Or yours! Can totally go to urs. If u want.

To Lena: Lena????

To Lena: where are u??

To Lena: Answer my calls

To Lena: Pls?

Kara rounds the corner of her hallway, keys bitten, dangling from her lips, as she types with both hands. Her 67th text message of the day to an MIA Lena Luthor sent. She fails to notice the creature lurking around the front of her door; dark fur shining under the cheap LED lights of Kara’s corridor.

She’s still deeply absorbed in her phone with worry, in the middle of jamming her keys in with one hand, when something furry brushes against her legs and Kara yelps.

She pulls the knob clean out of the wood in shock, her phone dropping to the floor loudly, the cat doing a duet with her with a startled yowl of her own.

Heart hammering and adrenaline racing, Kara looks down and sees the cat for the first time.

“Oh! Oh!” she gasps, “I didn’t see you there, buddy. I’m sorry for startling you!! I didn’t mean it.”

The door knob clatters loudly to the ground as it falls out of her grasp. And Kara sheepishly feels guilty for the hole in her door. But the cat meows loudly, catching her attention, as if in response to her apology.

She crouches down low, and reaches out a hand to touch the furball. She snaps a quick pic, sends it to Lena and pockets her phone.

To Lena: KITTY!!

“Oh, oh come here,” she coos, “where’s your collar? How’d you get here huh?”

The cat reminds her of Streaky. The first stray who ever took to her kindly. Although upon closer inspection, Kara realizes this one has striking emeralds for eyes, Streaky’s eyes were a more softer blue.

The cat surprisingly seems friendly, immediately leaning into Kara’s touch. Nosing at the inside of Kara’s wrist and it’s such a familiar gesture but she can’t seem to remember why.

And...oh, a small rumbling echoes through Kara’s palm!

Oh, they’re purring!

Kara doesn’t know how long she stays there crouched low exactly, but eventually, she stands up, takes her hand away, and picks up the damaged doorknob.

“Well, time for you to go home now, buddy,” she tells them, giving their head one last pat before dusting off her hands on her jacket.

“Go on, shooo. Shoo. Go home. I’m sure your human is looking for you.”

But the cat remains unmoving. It looks like they’ve decided to sit firmly in front of Kara’s doorstep, casually licking a paw, as if waiting for Kara to open her door.

“Are you actually waiting for me to open my door?” Kara makes a mental note to thank Rao that none of her neighbors can see her trying to hold a proper conversation with a cat.

“Look, kitty,” she says firmly, “I’m not your human.”

The cat just blinks owlishly at her. Eyes too green, too intelligent and-

Kara makes up her mind.

She turns her face skywards, takes a deep breath (This will probably backfire, she already knows. But she's always had a soft spot for strays.) and then she pushes her door wide open.

The cat races inside, cutting through Kara’s legs and almost tripping her.

“Well, somebody’s excited,” Kara mutters under her breath, she watches the cat head for her living room couch; watches as they pause all of a sudden, changes course and jumps onto Kara’s coffee table instead.

Where the cat then proceeds to knock down everything in close vicinity, even the picture frame of her and Lena together.

“Hey! No! Bad kitty-”

But the cat is already hopping down from her pedestal, landing on the frame directly.

And then things get weird.

The cat proceeds to stomp all over it, meows loud, like really loud; insanely loud for a cat their size.

Her paw seems to be almost pointing? At the other person in the frame.

“I-” Kara seems taken aback by the bizarre behavior, sure she knows cats are vastly different from dogs, but this…

This is just weird.

The cat’s meowing only seems to get louder.

How you land yourselves in these situations, Kara. I really just don’t know, at this point. She can almost hear Alex say.

“What are you- Are you- are you pointing? That’s- That’s Lena, yeah. That’s my best friend.”

At that, the cat seems to vibrate. They start clawing at Kara’s pant leg, meowing and meowing and meowing—

And then it hits her.

"-but it turns out that she’s a witch. And apparently, so am I."

The green, green eyes.

A pink nose nuzzling against her wrist.

“Lena?”

******

“Oh, Rao! Lena you’re a cat! What happened?! Oh, no, baby what did you do?”

Lena-

Lena The Cat—and okay, so she’s still wrapping her head around that one—just stays silent. She’s sitting on her lap, looking regal than any cat has any right to be. A judgmental look in her eyes.

Lena’s a cat. Cat’s can’t speak. Can’t answer Kara’s questions.

“Right. Sorry. Only meow,” Kara murmurs, embarrassed. For some reason even in cat form Lena manages to be intimidating.

“Okay so, uh d-does that mean you still understand me? Two meows for yes. One meow for no.”

Kara gets two meows.

“Okay, cool, cool. Great. You can still understand me, that's good.” Kara runs a hand down her spine, “Gosh, your fur is just so soft.”

She hears Lena give a small growl, body tensing, “Right. Right. Sorry. Not the time for pets.” Kara retracts her hand away.

“Uhm, so next question then, I guess? D-did you become a cat this morning? Were you testing out your uhm...gift?”

Lena meows twice. Kara nods, clenching and unclenching her fist underneath her chin. Fingers itching to run themselves through Lena’s soft fur again. Lena seems to sense this, and nuzzles her face into Kara’s hand, bumps against her repeatedly.

“Really?” Kara double-checks, giddy. If she were human Kara bets Lena would be rolling her eyes like she always does when Kara does something particularly dorky, but she just pushes her head firmer against Kara’s hand and meows twice.

“So uhm,” she starts, cautiously, noting Lena’s increasing purr, “is there like a spellbook for this or something? Something that can help you transform back?

Lena meows yes.

“Is it in The Tower or back at your place?”

There are no responses.

“Sorry, sorry lemme rephrase, is it in The Tower?”

She gets two consecutive meows.

Okay, to The Tower it is.

******

“Are you going to tell me why you’re cradling a cat in your cape or??” Alex raises a brow at her, a hand on her hip, left foot tapping impatiently. Her sister was heading out for the day, it looks like. It was just tough luck that Supergirl landed one minute before the elevator took Alex.

Crap. Now they have to explain. They didn’t talk about this. Lena still hasn’t told her if it was okay to tell people about her gift.

“I-I rescued it,” Kara says.

Well, that isn’t so far from the truth, right? She stares at the bundle in her arms, Lena the traitor staying silent all the while—green eyes shining all innocent at Kara.

Alex’s stares intensifies.

“From a tree,” Kara flounders, and Lena The Cat has the audacity to yawn, squirm and jump away from her arms. She lands gracefully, tail swishing up in the air and heads straight for the lab.

Alex eyes the cat suspiciously before turning back to Kara. She jabs a finger to her chest. “It better not have any fleas. It better not touch my training mat.”

“She won’t.”

Alex just shakes her head, rolls her eyes, grabs her helmet and walks to the elevator.

Before she goes though, Alex says, “You know, this is gonna sound weird, but I swear I think I saw that same cat slinking out of The Tower earlier this morning.”

“Alex, she’s literally a black cat. There are hundreds of black cats in the city.”

“You're being weirdly defensive about this. Why are you being weird?”

“I’m not.”

Alex seems like she wants to say more, but the elevator dings, and she’s never been more grateful that Kelly makes Alex pick her up from work. Alex huffs out breath, before conceding and disappearing into the lift.

******

The camera flash is what gets Kara busted.

But is it really her fault if she walked in on a cute kitty, hunched over, meowing adorably, trying to flip over the pages of a thick spellbook, with her teeny-tiny bean paws?

Lena hisses at her, teeth-bared and fur puffy.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. But you were just really, really, really cute okay?” She walks closer to the desk, carefully lifts a hand and scratches Lena behind the ear.

The hissing slowly devolves into purring, and Kara grins triumphantly. Lena lets herself be picked up after a few moments, Kara leafing through the pages for her.

“So, found anything yet?” She asks, cradling Lena close to her chest. A warm weight on Kara’s arms, and as much as she wants to get her real Lena back, she also isn’t too eager on giving up this version anytime soon. Then again, Kara thinks, it would be impossible for her to give up any version of Lena Luthor.

“Spell? Charm? Anything? Do you need to make a potion? Are we gonna get to make a potion? Oh, oh do you need a wand? Do you have a wa-”

Kara’s words get muffled as two black paws press against her lips. Lena’s green eyes narrowing at her. She meows at Kara. Loudly.

“Mkay, mkay. Shut up. Got it.”

Lena removes her paws, and Kara makes a gesture of zipping her lips together. This seems to appease Lena enough because the next second, a pink tongue darts out and she...licks Kara's nose.

“Did you- did you just lick me?” Kara gasps out.

Lena doesn’t even acknowledge her with a meow, just turns away and jumps out of her arms again. Before Kara can do anything about it though, her phone rings.

The screen lighting up with Andrea’s name.

“Danvers, I’ve got a story for you.”

******

“Alex, please, I’ll be quick. I promise. I’ll only be three hours at the most. Please just look after her,” she pleads, pouting and puppy eyes in full power.

It also helps that the cat burrito in her cape looks to be cooperating. Lena The Cat staring at Alex with wide round eyes.

Apparently, some governor was found dead downtown, and now Andrea wants her on the scene. She can’t just leave Lena all alone in The Tower. No matter how hard Lena’s been protesting, this is brand new territory for both of them. Nobody knows the extent of Lena’s powers.

Point is, Kara would feel a lot better if she were to leave Lena under the care of someone she trusts. Even if said someone, accuses Lena of being a stray with fleas. It's still better than leaving Lena all on her own.

“Ugh.” Alex groans and Kara knows she’s won. “If this cat causes trouble I will throw it out the window, Kara.”

“No!” Kara yells, distressed. “Don’t do that. She’ll behave. She promises.”

She puts her hand under Lena’s arms and raises her up to eye level—Simba style. “You promise to be good for Alex, don’t you?”

All she gets is a lot of squirming and screaming, there were also a lot of attempts at scratching Kara’s nose.

“See?” Kara says, chuckling nervously. “She’s telling you she’s good.”

Alex looks skeptical, her arms crossed against her chest.

Kara sets her down on the couch, and crouches down low.

She tries to pet her head, but Lena bites at her finger, she catches her teeth on the skin of her supersuit’s thumb slot. She bites deeper, her teeth accomplishing nothing but a few dents.

And oh, Rao she thinks she’s such a feral little cat but her pink adorable gummy snarl says otherwise.

“I’m sorry, I’ll be back. I promise,” she whispers, careful not to let Alex hear. “And then we’ll figure it out later, okay? The safest place for you right now is to be with Alex.”

She really doesn’t want to go, and based on Lena’s protests she doesn’t want Kara to go either. But well, Andrea had finally threatened to fire her if she disobeyed...which is...fair.

She’s aware she’s been doing a less than stellar job at being a journalist lately. Rao, what an understatement. This is basically her make it or break it.

“Look, I’ll be quick, promise. Be good to Alex,” Kara murmurs. She presses a kiss on Lena’s furry forehead. Lena finally unclenches her jaw and lets Kara go. The little whine she lets out, letting Kara know that she knows the battle’s lost.

“Both of you, be good,” Kara tells them sternly. “Alex, please don’t yeet my cat out of the window.”

Alex shrugs, staring at the cat with suspicion. “I make no promises.’

Lena is staring at Alex just as hostile. Great. They both deserve each other.

Kara sighs exasperatedly. Well, at least she tried.

******

She gets a very angry Alex Danvers on the line, right after she’s finished talking to some sources. It’s nighttime now, and when she checks her watch—yep, she’s left Lena in Alex’s care for more than six hours.

Crap.

“Hey, Al—”

“KARA IF YOU DON’T PICK UP THIS THIS THIS GODDAMNED HAIRBALL RIGHT NOW, YOU WILL NEVER SEE IT EVER AGAIN.”

There is loud meowing, and then, “What the- Get off! Get off me right no-”

The line clicks dead.

Kara Danvers quickly changes into an alley, manages to break the sound barrier.

******

It’s Kelly who opens the door.

“Hey, Kara,” she greets her. Kara is impatiently rocking on her heels, trying to peer past Kelly’s shoulders.

The place was quiet; ridiculously quiet, and Kara feels fear swoop in her belly.

“Please, tell me my cat is still alive,” Kara bursts out, Kelly just gives her a pained smile and oh, no, oh no.

She muscles her way past Kelly to a brooding Alex on the couch.

Lena is nowhere to be seen.

“Alex, Alex where’s my cat? Where is she? Where did you put her?”

Alex finally looks up at her, Kara taking notice of the red marks on her arm.

Oh no, Lena, what did you do?

“Calm down, I didn’t throw the little demon away. She’s-" Alex sing-songs before finishing, "on time-out.”

“Time-out?” Kara asks, voice shaking. Rao, does she really want to know.

Alex takes too long to answer, taking a swig of her beer first before pointing to a corner in the living room.

And there, she spots it.

It, being a small pile of laundry on the floor, next to an upside down hamper. A big white hamper housing one Lena Luthor. There's a crude cardboard sign stuck on it; "Kitty Jail". Alex has also stacked a few encyclopedia on top of it, no doubt an attempt to keep Lena from escaping.

“Oh! Oh, Lena!”

Kara superspeeds her way and scoops Lena up, the cat meowing immediately and curling into Kara’s chest.

“You named the cat after Lena?!”

Crap.

Kara turns around slowly, “Uhm yeah?”

Alex just shakes her head. “Unbelievable.”

“Her eyes reminded me of Lena, okay?!” Kara yells defensively, pressing tiny kisses onto Lena’s fur.

“I’m sorry that Alex has been such a meanie to you," she coos, "I know you didn’t deserve it, baby."

Alex seems to perk up at that, because she raises up from the couch. “That,” Alex jabs a finger in their direction, Kara cradles Lena protectively, “That baby ruined my couch and she so totally deserves all the mean! All the mean in the world, Kara!”

Lena hisses in her arms.

“No, no. That’s not true. Lena is baby and she’s perfect and you’re just a meanie.”

“She ruined my upholstery! She left hair all over the place and that’s not even to mention the scratching!”

“Because you were mean to her!”

Alex scoffs, eyes bulging wide in disbelief.

“Get out,” Alex says, her brows pinching comically, “Get out of my apartment before that little devil causes more damage.”

“Gladly,” Kara says, and Lena meows her assent. They make their way past Alex, Kara unaware that Lena has stuck out her little tongue at Alex over her shoulder.

“And she’s not a little devil!” Kara calls out.

Alex slams the door in her face.

******

That evening, Kara pores over a thick spellbook, eyes swimming with Latin symbols with a purring machine on her lap.

By midnight, Kara has managed to pass out on her couch, a black cat curled on her chest.

The spellbook lay open on her coffee table, forgotten.

******

The first sight that greets Kara when she wakes up are green eyes.

Green human eyes.

And then it hits her.

“Lena!”

The spell had blessedly wore off by morning, and Kara’s never been more glad to see the sunlight lighting up Lena’s face.

For a moment, Kara’s assaulted with the mental image of laying in a pool of sunlight with a black cat stretching leisurely next to her.

“Good morning,” Lena purrs, and oh Rao, that sound is much, much better than her meowing.

“You’re back!” Kara gasps in awe.

“I’m back,” she whispers, she’s still draped fully over Kara on the couch. A blanket covering them both.

“Rao, I missed you.” A palm comes up to cup her cheeks, Lena automatically nuzzling into the inside of her wrist.

“Mm, I missed me, too,” Lena tells her, face breaking into a small smile. Kara traces her fingers up and down Lena’s spine. Oh, how she’s missed touching Lena’s skin.

Wait-

Skin.

Is she-

“Lena,” Kara begins, swallowing. Her nerves not going unnoticed.

Lena raises a brow at her. “Kara?”

“Are you- uhm- ah. Are you naked right now?”

Lena’s eyes light up like a cat’s and Kara knows she’s in trouble.

“Mm. It seems that I am,” Lena says, and all Kara can do is gulp.

“What are you gonna do about it?”

special shoutout to @mike-wachowski, @sexybread-png and @thebreakfastgod for their cat expertise without whom this silly little fic would not be written.

#catto!lena #COME GET YOUR CATTO!LENA CONTENT HERE!#I AM WELL AWARE HOW SELF-INDULGENT THIS IS AND HOW MILES AWAY IT IS FROM THE PROMPT BUT YEAH #oh oh and p.s yes they did have sex on that couch right after.#supercorptober 2021 #the reckless writer writes #a supercorp ficlet of sorts #if u see a typo no u didnt #supercorp

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masterofmunson · 3 years

Text

look after you (1)

TFATWS Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader

Summary: Sam asks you to join him and Bucky on a mission in Madripoor. When you get injured, Bucky feels the need to remind you more than once that he’s supposed to look after you now that Steve’s gone.

Warnings: tfatws spoilers, language, violence, blood, grief, angst, major pining

Word Count: 6k+

Author’s Note: Here she is!! I’m really excited to see what you guys think! This is my first Bucky fic in AGES! I decided to make this into a mini series since this fic is so long haha. Please let me know what you think. Comments, reblogs, and asks are highly encouraged and appreciated! Enjoy!

You hadn’t seen Sam or Bucky in several weeks. You were still adjusting to life post-blip. It had been a long five years for you and just seconds for them. You were no longer the bright-eyed and bushy tailed recruit. You’d grown into your position amongst the established and experienced Avengers. Now, it meant nothing.

Tony’s gone. Steve’s dead, Natasha too. The Avengers had officially disbanded. You felt lost and confused, still blinded by your grief over losing them. You had nowhere to go, so you just floated from place to place as needed.

You were laying low and a shell of the person you once were. You had no one to look towards anymore. Bucky went his separate ways and got some sort of footing in New York City with the pardon he was given by the government since his return to the states. You checked in every now and then with him, but you didn’t want to slow down his progress so you distanced yourself from him.

You know he feels some sort of responsibility towards you. Steve did too, and you suppose now that he’s gone, Bucky feels the need to take his place. It doesn’t matter that you’re no longer the naive 23 year old he met in Berlin all those years ago. It doesn’t matter that there was something lingering between the two of you before he turned to ash. You’re a grown woman now and war and politics has hardened your soul.

He needs to move on from you. The version he has of you in his head is gone, dead. He wants a fresh start, and you can’t give it to him.

Sam checks in with you once in a while. He asks you how you’re doing and you respond the same each time. “Same shit, different day,” you laughed lightly.

He knows better than to ask you to join him on his missions with the military. You’re not in the right headspace to return to the field, least of all if it meant that you were representing the US government wherever the fight was.

Now that John Walker has the shield and has been branded the new Captain America, it gives you all the more reason to stay away. If he had so much as just breathed in your direction, you’d kill him and rip the shield from his grasp and return it to Sam.

You ignored all emails and phone calls that had to do with John Walker. He wanted your blessing on live television, as if that meant anything. Yes, you were close with Steve, but you’re not an original Avenger. You just caught his eye during training one day and he took you under his wing. John Walker just wanted to create a bridge between the two of you since Sam and Bucky were obviously out of the question.

You were the first person Sam called when he told you he was giving up the shield. You didn’t ask why. You knew he had his reasons and you respected him to accept that whatever the reasons were, they were good enough.

So, when Sam called in the middle of the night, you picked up the phone without a second thought. Rubbing the sleep from your eyes, you sit up and fumble for the light on the nightstand beside you.

“Sam? You do realize it’s three in the morning, right?” you asked, yawning into your phone.

Sam curses in your ear and apologizes quietly. “Sorry. You would think with all this traveling, I’d remember time zones are a thing,” he laughed softly.

“What is it, Sam?”

“We’re in a bit of a tight spot. We could use your help.”

Your brows pinch together. “Who’s we, Sam?”

“Me and Barnes.”

Your heart jumps inside your throat. How the hell did Sam manage to rope Bucky into whatever he’s doing? The last you heard, Bucky wasn’t allowed to go on government missions until his therapist thought he made enough progress to do so. You know he’s nowhere near the progress he wants to be, so how is he with Sam?

“Jesus, Sam. You know he’s not in the right headspace to go on missions!” There’s a heavy pause between the two of you before you relent. “Where am I meeting you?”

“Latvia. I’ll fill you in when you get here.”

You hang up quickly and hurry out of bed. After so many years of getting up at odd hours for emergency missions and the like, you’re not surprised that Sam asked you to meet him in the middle of the night. You grab your duffle bag and stuff all your belongings back inside. You travel lightly, and now it definitely seemed to work out in your favor.

You’ve spent the last couple of weeks in a small town just outside of Helena, Montana. It’s nice and quiet and you’ve really taken the time to reflect on your life since things started going back to normal post-blip. The locals are nice and hospitable, and no one asks you about Steve, Tony, or what you thought of John Walker. You hope it had something to do with the fact that they didn’t know who you were. You certainly hoped that was the case. You’ve kept your head down and tried your best to blend in.

You go hiking quite frequently and take drives through the mountains. It’s nice and relaxing, a far cry from what you’re used to. You’ll definitely miss it, and you have second thoughts about meeting up with Sam, but you push them away. Steve abandoned you both, and you wouldn’t do that to him.

It takes you several hours to get to the closest international airport and by the time you arrive, the sun begins to rise in the distance. You hurry through the airport security and send Sam a quick update that you’re about to board your flight before you settle in your seat and fall back asleep.

....

You sleep through the entire flight. You blame it on your ability to sleep anywhere due to the number of missions you have under your belt. You’re wide awake when the plane lands and you’re quick to pull out your phone and send a message to Sam that you’ve made it safe and sound to Latvia.

Your legs are stiff and sore when you stand up for the first time when it’s time to leave. You pull your duffle bag from the overhead compartment and slowly make your way to the front. It takes you nearly an hour to get through customs and now you’re just anxiously waiting to see Sam.

When you see him waiting for you at the baggage claim area, you grin as your eyes meet. You hurry over to him and drop your duffle bag to the floor as he pulls you in for a hug. It’s warm and tight and it’s exactly what you need. Sam pulls away first and reaches for your bag, throwing an arm over your shoulder as you walk out of the airport to his car.

You stop walking when you notice two figures near a very fancy yellow car as you and Sam near them. Sam keeps walking and you take slow, tentative steps. You know one of the figures has to be Bucky, but Sam never mentioned a third person.

“Sam, I thought you said that it was just you and Bucky,” you said cautiously.

Sam stops in his tracks and lets out a nervous chuckle and scratches the back of his head. It makes your heart race and you swallow the lump in your throat as they begin to come into focus as they near the two of you. “Y/n, before you get angry, I just need you to know that this wasn’t my idea. Believe me when I tell you that he is the last person we would ask for help,” Sam replied as his eyes went from you to the two people approaching.

“Who is he?” you asked through gritted teeth.

“Ah! Y/n, good to know that your flight went rather smoothly. It is good to see you again.”

No. There’s no way. You must be dreaming. Hemlut Zemo is not standing right in front of you. He is in prison. He is behind bars for the crimes he committed. The two men that you're closest to wouldn’t jailbreak someone as atrocious as Zemo. There has to be an explanation. It doesn’t make sense.

“What the fuck is Zemo doing out of prison?!” you hissed, looking between Bucky and Sam, demanding an explanation.

“Y/n, honey, I can explain, just please get in the car,” Bucky pleaded, reaching out to touch your hand.

You glare at him and take a step back. “Are you out of your mind, Bucky? You break him out of jail because you need him, is that it? Do you remember what he did to you, because I certainly do!”

Bucky frowns and lets out a deep and heavy sigh. He looks over at Sam. “Did you fill her in at all?”

“No!” you shouted. “I can speak for myself, James! Someone better start talking and tell me what the hell is going on!”

“We don’t really have time for this right now,” Zemo interrupts, “we really must be going. I’m sure Sam and James can fill you in in the car.”

You glare at the Sokovian terrorist and snap at him. “Shut your mouth, Zemo.”

He raises his hands up in surrender and takes a step back. Bucky towers over you and this time you let him take your hand. He squeezes it gently and pulls you into his chest, hugging you tightly. You’re tense and fuming as he holds you.

His mouth finds the shell of your ear and despite the wave of anger flowing through your body, it sends a shiver down your spine. Bucky whispers, “I hate to say it, but Zemo’s right. We have to go. I’ll explain on the way, I promise.”

You huff childishly and turn your head away from him as he kisses your temple. “Fine. If he steps out of line, I’ll kill him.”

Bucky laughs and takes your hand and walks you to the car. “Get in line, honey. Sam and I have first dibs.”

You resist the urge to smile and Bucky opens the door for you as Sam tosses your bag in the trunk and climbs into the front seat. Bucky slides in beside you and he tells you everything.

He tells you about their first encounter with the Flag Smashers. He tells you about how the leader and a few of her followers have taken a newer version of the serum that runs through his veins. He tells you that she plans on giving the serum to more people to build an army and that you have to stop her.

It makes your heart stop. You hadn’t really been keeping tabs on the Flag Smashers. Now, looking back, you probably should have. There’s still a lot of unknown variables to account for and it looks like the boys are taking it one step at a time, and apparently it starts with a trip to Madripoor. Zemo chimes in every now and then as he drives and it makes your blood boil that you’re forced to listen to what he has to say. You hate that he has the upper hand and is keeping valuable information hostage. You want to strangle him.

After a while, Zemo pulls into a private airport. Bucky helps you out of the car and grabs your bag from the trunk as the four of you walk towards the jet just off the runway. You had no idea just how rich Zemo was. Now that he’s out of prison, for now at least, his arrogance returned back in full force in addition to his pompous attitude.

You board the plane in silence, ignoring every word coming out of the Baron’s mouth. You settle in the back of the plane and ignore Bucky’s stares as you look out the window. You’re too angry to engage in conversation. You don’t care that Zemo insults Steve’s legacy. He’s gone, dead, what do you care? Yes, you wanted Steve to be happy, but he abandoned you. He abandoned Sam and Bucky.

Zemo rambles on and on. “People like Steve become symbols, icons. Then we start to forget about their flaws. From there, cities fly, innocent people die. Movements are formed, wars are fought,” he turns to address Bucky directly. “You remember that, right? As a young soldier sent to Germany to stop a mad icon. Do we want to live in a world full of people like the Red Skull?”

Silence fills the space and for a moment, you feel a reprieve. That was until Zemo mentioned the Winter Soldier.

“We can’t go into Madripoor as ourselves. James, you will have to become someone you claim is gone.”

You immediately stand up and protest, storming to the front of the plane. “No. Absolutely not. I won’t let you use Bucky, not again. There has to be another way.”

Zemo clicks his tongue at you and shakes his head. A smug graces his features and you lung at him, wrapping your hands around his throat. “I’ll fucking kill you!”

Bucky leaps to his feet and tears you off of Zemo, dragging you to the back of the plane behind the curtains to give the two of you an illusion of privacy. Your shoulders shake with rage and Bucky’s hands caress your face.

“You can’t be him. He’s not you anymore. You don’t have to do this, Bucky. Please,” you begged, clinging to his hands. “I can’t let Zemo control you again.”

Bucky’s touched with how protective you are over him. He pulls you closer and hugs you tightly against him. Your fingers grip the back of his shirt and he presses a gentle kiss to the top of your head.

“Honey,” he whispered. “I have to. I have to do this so we can stop the Flag Smashers from getting the serum. It’s for the mission.”

You huffed against his chest. Now you’re really regretting your decision to help Sam. You would’ve said no if you had known that it meant watching Bucky turn into the Winter Soldier again, even if it wasn’t real.

You don’t know what to say. He won’t change his mind. Bucky’s just as stubborn as you are and he’ll do anything for the success of the mission, just like Steve did.

You pull away and return back to your seat, crossing your arms over your chest as you stare into the back of Zemo’s plush leather seat. Bucky trails behind you and squeezes your shoulder. You shrug off his touch as he takes the empty seat next to yours.

“And, I’m afraid that where we’re going doesn’t take too kindly to women who are…. how do I put this…. strong willed,” Zemo said.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Bucky barked, jumping to your defense just moments after you did the same for him.

“Selby will see Y/n as competition. We can’t have that happen. She’ll have to stay behind.”

“You’re out of your mind if you think I’m just going to just sit here and do nothing,” you snapped. “I’m coming with. I don’t care if I have to pretend to be meek.”

Zemo turns to look at you. He’s challenging you. You both know it. He’s pushing your buttons and it’s working. He smirks and leans against the armchair. His eyebrows raise and he asks, “Even if it means pretending to be a prostitute?”

Your gaze doesn’t falter and you ignore both Sam’s and Bucky’s protests. It falls on deaf ears. You don’t care, as long as you’re with Sam and Bucky and they’re safe. “Yes,” you answered without a second thought. You’ve done worse things than pretend to be a sex worker. It would be a piece of cake.

Zemo grins, letting out a soft laugh. “It looks like you’ll be joining us after all then, Y/n.”

You scoff at him and look out the window. Bucky drags you from your seat once more and pulls you behind the curtain. You look away from him and he reaches to squeeze your hand.

“You don’t have to do this. You have nothing to prove,” he whispered, brushing the top of your palm with his warm and calloused fingers.

“You don’t either,” you mumbled back.

He smiles softly at your retort and pulls you into his arms. He holds you gently and cards his fingers through your hair. You hum quietly as he holds you.

“Touché, honey.”

There’s a beat of silence between the two of you before you lean back to meet his gaze. His blue eyes pierce through yours and it makes your heart race. You pull away and rub your palms against your thighs.

You disappear behind the curtain once more, leaving Bucky behind.

…

When you arrive in Madripoor, you’re dressed in an outfit that leaves little to the imagination. The dress has a plunging neckline that settles just below your naval. Your chest is barely covered and your boobs threaten to slip over the fabric. You’re dressed for the part, that’s for sure.

Zemo is the first one to look at you when you return from behind the curtain. He whistles at you and it makes your skin crawl.

Bucky shoves Zemo harshly and grips his chest tightly, snarling in his face. “Watch your mouth,” Bucky hissed, shoving him into one of the chairs.

He turns to look at you and you reach to squeeze his hand. You pull him away from Zemo and whisper softly, “It’s alright, Buck. Take a deep breath.”

He grits his teeth and shakes his head, and does what you ask. “I’ll kill him. If he does that again, I’ll kill him.”

You laugh softly and press a gentle kiss to his cheek. “I don’t doubt you will, Buck.”

The two of you trail behind Sam and Zemo as you leave the plane. A sleek black car is waiting just off the runway and you follow behind to the vehicle. When you settle into your spot in between Buck and Sam in the back, Zemo turns to look at the three of you.

“It’s imperative that we don’t break character, no matter what. If you do, we’re good as dead, understand?”

You scoff and roll your eyes as he looks towards you. “Crystal,” you snapped, crossing your arms over your chest.

He turns to face the front of the vehicle and silence fills the car.

Suddenly, a number of motorcycles surround the car as you drive into Low Town. you make sure to keep your eyes forward and Bucky reaches for the hand on your knee. He squeezes it tightly and you do the same.

Reality is now just setting in for you. This is the first mission that you’ve been on since Steve went back to the 40s, and since Tony died. It had been three long months since Tony saved the world and brought everyone back that was taken five years earlier. You know that three months isn’t long, but it still makes you nervous. You haven’t been training to keep things from going rusty. You had no desire to.

Bucky leans into you, his mouth near the shell of your ear. “You okay?”

You nodded, swallowing the lump in your throat. “Yeah, just a bit nervous. I’m a little out of practice. This is my first mission since Steve left,” you mumbled back, squeezing his hand again to keep you grounded. He does the same in return.

“It’s alright. I have your back. I’ll protect you, promise.”

A small smile finds its way onto your face and you shake your head at him. “You know better than anyone else than to promise something like that before a mission, Buck. It’s bad luck,” you teased.

He laughs too and the car stops in what you guess is the downtown area of Low Town. You take a deep breath and Bucky does the same. You squeeze his hand one last time before his hand falls from your grasp. He opens the door and climbs out. You follow close behind and find your spot next to Sam. He gingerly wraps his arm around your waist as you walk into the Princess Bar.

Electronic music blasts through the speakers and the bass vibrates through your chest. You press against Sam as you push through people to get to the bar. The smell of drugs and alcohol is suffocating as you walk and ignore the stares sent your way. They’re not staring at you, but Bucky, who walks just a step behind you like a looming shadow.

“Ready to comply, Winter Soldier?” Zemo asked Bucky in Russian.

It makes your blood boil and Sam squeezes your waist tightly, a reminder that you must not break character. You hate it. You hate that Bucky has to pretend to be the person he’s worked so hard to distance himself from. Bucky is not him. The Winter Soldier doesn’t exist anymore. That part of him is gone, dead. You only hope that Bucky reminds himself that the Winter Soldier isn’t him anymore as he pretends just feet behind you.

You stand in front of the bar counter as the bartender approaches. You keep your mouth shut as Zemo exchanges words with the man, briefly bringing Sam, the Smiling Tiger, into the conversation. Your eyes find Bucky’s and your heart jumps inside your throat. His eyes are cold and void of any emotion. He’s stoic and brooding. He’s fallen into character perfectly and it scares you to think that all the progress he’s made over the years has been destroyed in this moment. For his sake, you hope not.

You tear your eyes away from Bucky at the feeling of Sam’s hand on the curve of your ass. You watch him carefully as he takes a shot. The bartender moves on and you let out a careful breath.

A man grasps at Zemo’s shoulder and sneers at him. He looks over at Bucky as Zemo asks to see Selby before he walks away. Another man approaches Zemo from behind and he speaks in Russian once more. “Winter Soldier, attack.”

You hold your breath in anticipation as the unsuspecting man rests his hand on Zemo’s shoulder. You want to reach out and touch Bucky, tell him that he doesn’t have to, that the two of you still have time to make a run for it, but you don’t. You can’t. Zemo would probably try and kill you if you interfere and it’s the last thing you need.

Bucky stalks over to him with two long strides, and rips the man’s hand from Zemo’s shoulder. He twists his wrist back and throws him to the ground. Another man swings at Bucky and he stops it with ease. He punches his back and kicks him against another crowny. As another man attempts to punch and kick at Bucky. He uses his metal arm and momentum to take each of them out.

“It doesn’t take much for him to fall back into form,” Zemo smirked, leaning over to look at you and Sam.

“Shut your mouth,” you hissed between your teeth as you watched Bucky.

Bucky grabs one of the men by the throat and slams him into the counter. Guns cock all around you as you look around the room. Your heart is inside your throat and there’s ringing in your ears. You reach to grab Bucky’s arm, but Sam beats you to it.

“Stay in character or the whole bar turns on us,” Zemo whispered. “Well done, soldier.”

Sam lets go of his arm and takes a step back, pulling you with him. He squeezes your hip tightly as you watch Bucky’s grip fall from the man’s throat.

“Selby will see you now,” the bartender said.

Zemo moves to follow him and you resist the urge to reach out and touch Bucky. Sam pulls you along and you walk in silence down a number of hallways. The music fades into the background and you’re squeezing Sam’s hand like your life depends on it.

A number of men on Selby’s security detail whistle as you walk by. You bite your tongue and resist the urge to snap their necks. The four of you wait at the door at the end of the hall for several seconds before it opens. You walk inside and Zemo takes you from Sam’s side. Your jaw ticks as he guides you to the empty sofa. His hand settles on your thigh and you tense under his touch.

Zemo and Selby negotiate for information. All you need to know is who created the serum and where they are. That’s it. Zemo needs to stick to the plan.

Zemo stands up from his spot next to you. “Tell us what you know about the super soldier serum, and I give you him…. along with the code words to control him,” Zemo stands behind Bucky, his hand resting on his shoulder. He’s silent and obedient, the perfect encapsulation of who he had been for the last 80 years.

There wasn’t a discussion over what the offer would be when you were on the plane from Latvia. You just assumed Zemo would figure a way out of it, he was clever enough to do it before. You hadn’t thought that he would actually use the Winter Soldier to his benefit outside of protection. How naive of you.

Bucky’s eyes are dark and he stares straight ahead as Zemo caresses his chin. He doesn’t flinch or react. He’s playing the Winter Soldier perfectly and you hate every second. You bite the inside of your cheek so hard that you start to taste blood.

“He will do anything you want.”

Selby grins, leaning back in her spot on the couch opposite of you. She tells him what you need to know. She nears Sam and then the worst happens, his phone begins to ring.

She tells him to answer it and your fingers squeeze into the leather couch. Your heart races and for the first time since you walked into the bar, Bucky’s eyes find yours. You know he can see your panic.

Things are fine momentarily. Sam’s trying his best to stay in character and you know it’s not working as well as he’d like. You hold your breath and your panic settles in at the mention of Sam’s name coming from Sarah.

“Kill them—”

Your eyes widen in horror as a bullet pierces through the glass window in front of you and lodges into Selby’s throat, killing her instantly. The act is over.

You leap to your feet and pull the tactical knife that you hid in your dress out from underneath you. You slice the knife across your attacker’s arm. Bucky kicks him into the wall and grabs you by the arm.

You run as fast as you can out the bar and through the streets of Madripoor. You dodge bullets and fight off others that attack you with knives.

You do well, all things considered with what you’re dressed in. You dig your heel into the boot of your attacker, throwing them off balance. You kick their leg out from underneath them and Sam knocks them unconscious.

Bucky, of course, is doing just fine on his own. You run over to help. You disarm the man closer to you and use the butt of the gun to knock him out.

You barely have time to register the man creeping up behind Bucky. His arm is outstretched with a gun in his hand. Bucky has no clue.

“Bucky!” you screamed at the top of your lungs, running as fast as you can towards him.

He turns to look at you as you use your whole body to shove him aside as the gun goes off.

Time stands still.

You fall to the ground in a daze as the bullet rips through your shoulder. Your eyes stare up into the night sky as it takes you a moment to realize that you’d just been shot.

You try to sit up and get back on your feet. You don’t have time to worry about your wound. You need to get the hell out of Low Town.

Bucky nearly drags you off the ground and you run. You run as fast as you can despite the bullet in your shoulder.

“We need to get out of here!” Bucky shouted, inspecting your wound.

A shadowy figure approaches and Bucky blocks you from view. The hood drops and you peer over Bucky’s shoulder. You don’t have time to be surprised that Sharon is the one standing in front of you.

“Sharon? What are you doing here?” Sam asked.

“We don’t have time for that!” Bucky snapped. “Sharon, please. You gotta help us. Y/n’s been shot.”

She nods and motions for you to follow her. She stops in front of a beautiful blue car and Bucky guides you into the car, pressing his metal hand against your shoulder to stop the bleeding. You ignore Sam and Bucky’s bickering as they yell at you for getting shot. You don’t have the energy to respond.

Sharon races across town and pulls up to a very fancy building. Sharon jumps out and opens the door for Bucky. His arm holds your torso and your uninjured arm is thrown over his shoulder as you walk inside. You gather into the elevator as it takes you to the top floor.

Your entire body goes numb and Bucky guides you to the kitchen counter. Sharon briefly disappears before returning with a heavy duty first aid kit.

“Do you have tequila?” you asked her as Bucky rummaged through the bag for the correct supplies. Sharon laughs softly before grabbing a bottle of tequila from her liquor cabinet. You take a generous sip and the liquid burns your throat.

Bucky inspects the bullet wound carefully. Thankfully it was a through and through. He doesn’t have to fish the bullet out. He works quickly and you grit your teeth as he stitches the wound close on both sides of your shoulder.

The pain lessened to a dull throb now that he’s finished. He cleans the excess blood off your skin before gently placing your arm in a sling.

“Why did you do that, Y/n?” Bucky chastised you, shaking his head in disappointment. “I could’ve taken care of him.”

You scoff and roll your eyes at him. “I don’t even get a thank you for saving your ass? You were vulnerable, I did the right thing.”

He sighs and you look away. Your eyes find Sharon’s. “Can I borrow some clothes?”

She nods and disappears down the hall to her bedroom. Silence fills the room and Sam takes his turn to reprimand you. You ignore him entirely and take another large swig of tequila.

Sharon returns moments later with a pair of clean clothes. You thank her quietly and she points you in the direction of one of the guest bedrooms. You hop off the counter and ignore Bucky’s protests and calls of your name.

You huffed in frustration as you limped towards one of Sharon’s guest bedrooms. You had enough of Sam and Bucky yelling at you for your recklessness, especially Bucky. You’re exhausted and all you want to do is sleep.

You did what you thought was right. You did what Steve would’ve done. You had Bucky’s back. Isn’t that what mattered? Sure, you got shot in the shoulder, but it isn’t something you haven’t done before. You have the scars to prove it.

“Stop running away from me! We’re not done talking about this!” Bucky yelled after you, hot on your heels into the bedroom. “What were you thinking?”

You’re sick of Bucky questioning you. You’re not a child and you’re not the bright eyed recruit he thinks you still are. You did what was right in the heat of the moment. You don’t regret it. You’d do it all over again if it meant that he was safe.

“Stop treating me like a child, James! I’m not Steve’s recruit anymore! I’m a grown woman,” you shouted back at him. Your shoulders shake and you glare at him. “I know you still think I’m that naive 25 year old, but that’s not me anymore. The last five years may have been five seconds to you, but they weren’t to me. Accept the fact that I did what I thought was right.”

“It was reckless!”

“Steve would’ve done it!” you bit back.

“This isn’t about Steve!” he argued.

You laugh bitterly and shake your head. He doesn’t see it. He doesn’t see what you see. You know he sees you as his responsibility now that Steve’s gone. He feels an obligation to look after you because Steve did. You have a part of Steve with you. Bucky’s clinging to any last remains of Steve, and that includes you.

“Isn’t it though? You feel like you have a responsibility to protect me, to look after me. Why? It’s because Steve did and now that he’s gone, you feel like you have to replace him!”

The silence that fills the room suffocates you. Your heart races with anger. You want Bucky to leave you alone. You didn’t ask for this. Sam needed your help, and when you provided it, you got yelled at for it. Now you just want to go home.

You turn your back to Bucky and pull the pants that Sharon gave you up your legs before discarding the dress in the corner of the room. You don’t care if Bucky sees all the scars that litter your backside. Maybe then he would understand that you’ve always done what’s best for the mission, even if that meant getting hurt. You throw the sweatshirt over your head and turn to look at Bucky again.

“Do you have anything else to say to me? Are you going to try and deny it?”

Bucky sighs, running a hand through his hair. “You’re one of the only people I have left that have a connection to Steve.”

Another bitter laugh escapes your mouth. He doesn’t understand. “He abandoned me, James! He abandoned us. Steve’s gone. You can’t hold on to him anymore. You don’t have to do anything Steve did. You have nothing to prove to me, I promise. I don’t need you to replace Steve. I need you, Buck. You’re the one that’s here with me, not Steve.”

Tears threaten to spill over your cheeks and you look away from him. The silence is deafening and Bucky moves to take you in his arms. He holds you against his chest and cards his fingers through your hair. You cry against his chest and cling to his henley. He gently guides you to the bed and sits down with you in his lap.

“I’m sorry, honey,” he whispered, rubbing your back. “You’re right. It just scared me. I don’t think I can handle losing you too. I’m sorry.”

You pull away to look at him with your tear stained cheeks and he carefully wipes away your tears with the pad of his thumb. You blink away the remaining tears and lean into his touch. “It’s okay, Buck. You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

You rest your forehead against his and breathe him in. His metal hand rubs circles against your back and it sends shivers down your spine. He holds you carefully and no words are exchanged. Your eyes flicker to his lips and your heart thunders against your chest.

There’s a soft knock at the door and you pull your body off of Bucky’s. You sit beside him as Sam pokes his head inside the room. “Is everything okay?” he asked, looking between the two of you.

You look over at Bucky and then back to Sam. You smile and nod slowly. “Everything’s perfect, Sam.”

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