Tumgik
#Y’all can hear me right I’ve been screaming this lyrics at the top of my lungs lmao
wroteclassicaly · 3 years
Text
Waves of Blue (Andy Dolan x Reader)
Tumblr media
Warnings: Language, smut, vaginal sex, vaginal fingering, rough sex, hair pulling, face slapping, slight choking, mentions of drug usage, & angst.
A/N : AAAAAAHHHHH! I have found the post that teaches you how to add a read more on mobile! Shoutout to the person who told me about that! You know who you are! ^_^ Anyways, I am so gonna be posting more, even if it’s harder because I have to write the fics on my phone, versus my laptop, lol. I stumbled across the song Waves of Blue by Majid Jordan, and my ass was emotional af (I have included some of the lyrics here in blue!) I obviously don’t own the song/lyrics!
The song was the kick one of my drafts needed for extra inspiration! And so, I bring you the start of this mini fic! It won’t be very many chapters. And I will probably re-visit for a prequel, to write out how the reader and Andy first hooked up. But I wanted to try something different and start my fic with their relationship already ongoing. Hopefully it doesn’t suck, haha.?
I haven’t felt this inspired for a Cody character since Michael Langdon! I adore Andy’s traumatic, cocky, angsty, hot mess ass! And I really wanna explore the creativity he’s bringing me! Lemme know what y’all think? And give the song a listen - I’m in in love with it!
Forgive me if there’s some mistakes, loves! I’m nervous about how I’ve written Andy, and how the smut is. Hope y’all enjoy anyways!
:)
~*~
The rain is a glittering array of shimmering moisture as its presence is pouring down on the roof of your apartment. Your knees are knocked tightly together, jean fabric digging into flesh. Your phone is perched face down atop your legs, vibrating messages you don’t care to read. They’re not the ones that you want to see. You tilt your head back, the tears redirecting themselves down the sides of your cheeks. You turn your gazing direction to that silk robe atop your bed - a reminder.
“It’s just a fling, love.”
But it can’t be, can it?
You have to laugh at yourself. Isn’t this what every girl asks themselves when they’re dumped? Rare is an exception who steals the other person’s heart and changes that exterior they carry. Your phone vibrates again and that raging anger to match the ruby red color on his robe that rests on your bedroom sheets - it charges your energy like a violent strike of lightening! Your hand launches your phone into the hallway outside your bedroom door before you can stop yourself.
“There’s your fucking fling, dumbass Andy Dolan!”
You try to hum to fight off the incoming intrusive thoughts, to ignore your ringing phone in the distance, but it’s to no avail. You’re getting more overwhelmed with the pain by every agonizing second. Your fists clench into the leather armrests below. It’s too much, you can’t bear another second of this shit. It doesn’t matter that it’s raining, it doesn’t matter that you have over fifteen unanswered recent calls from Andy since you threw your phone - unbeknownst to you.
You snatch the stupid silk robe from its place and begin your knowing journey with the excruciatingly expensive item, having already made up your mind. A quick removal of your keys from the hooks beside your front room door and your bare feet seem to lead you - heart first - into the downpour. Your clothing is soaked the instant you step outside. Mumbling all the way to your SUV and clutching Andy’s silk garment becomes your saving grace to help anchor your focus. If one can be focused in bare feet during a thunderstorm, erratically throwing her car into reverse.
The drive to his place of privacy - his sanctuary - the cold place you once used to help him warm. It doesn’t take you long. With your tires grinding against soaking asphalt, country beach roads whipping past you, and your angry windshield wipers struggling to keep up with your car’s pace - Andy’s gates come into your sights. You’re trembling, too upset and geared to go for a turn around now. Andy didn’t change the security, so you let yourself in, abandoning your car just inside, doors open and interior carelessly being soaked.
It doesn’t matter. I just have to tell him this.
That’s your mantra for continuous approach. You round the long expanse of beautiful greenery, waves crashing violently in the distance, a love affair to collide with this storm. Your simple outfit of blue jeans and a baby blue tank top are beyond recognition, weighted down by the sopping wet summer. The shivering begins to thrum along to an invisible, but very present humming inside you. It’s that feeling, the one you know all too well.
Andy Dolan.
Like when you first met, you begin to tremble, letting your limbs move you accordingly. Making sense is last on the priority list. Normally, you would have a thousand conversational scenarios laid out, but that’s not the case. Rushed on purely raw need to tell him - no - inform him, that is what is in charge here. The soft grass is squishy between your toes, a tickle from each freshly mowed blade, water in the distance smelling like salt and flowing freedom.
Every sense is heightened for you right now. Your limbs are heavy, yet your footfalls are light, carrying you with a quick grace. You don’t bother with the front door, opting for his usual back door hang out. It’s a few more minutes before your destination is reached. That’s when you hear him screaming, his voice in high distress, hard and rough against the accent. Your chest heaves to cage hammering heartbeats that you can’t keep up with.
“Motherfucking ANSWER ME!” He shouts, ripping the phone from his ear to redial.
You rolls your eyes, assuming it’s a dealer, or whomever he would rather be with than you. After all, he’s the one who said he just needed an ideal situation, not a relationship.
“Y/N... come on, don’t be a fucking cunt! I need to tell you something, please!”
Almost on cue the song drops loud on his fancy speakers in the house, freezing you to your spot.
I wanna hold you close
Don't wanna let you go
Be with you night and day
'Cause I've been feeling so low
Don't have to ask me twice
You really take me there
I wanna touch your light
I wanna breathe in your air
Andy angrily taps at his phone again, almost growling, reminding you of a wild animal. That’s when you’re snapped into your remaining senses, moving up and onto his deck, standing just feet from him. It takes him a few seconds to look up and see you through the rain. You can’t bring yourself to go any closer, afraid to let go right away. That’s how it is with Andy, you always give in.
You cut him off before he even gets a chance.
“Fuck you, Andy.”
Damn, was that really what you worked up the courage to dangerously drive yourself here to confess?
His lips purse a popping a noise, eyes widening in surprise at your word choices.
“I really fucking hate you.” Is what you give him, finding it easier to take steps now.
He still doesn’t speak as you approach, almost as if he’s recoiling. That wild animal within Andy Dolan. He’s not used to this. You can barely see through the rain, feeling like a moron. The movies make it look so dramatic, but you feel like you’re a wet dog on the verge of catching a cold.
It does good at numbing you though, almost shielding you from those haunting blue eyes. You swipe a hand across your face to clear your vision, and take that final step onto the deck with him, now just on the other side of where he stands in the doorway. That’s when he decides to speak, his voice softer than you’ve heard. It echoes his exhaustion, his surprise.
“You’re not the only one that feels that way, Y/N.”
You shake your head in disbelief, both of you not daring to make that closing gap. You would douse his body with yours; wet and cold. You’d be lying if you denied the shiver that attacked you, drawing your body in like a magnet - helpless to its every move.
“Don’t give me this kicked puppy front. We’re all human beings, Andy. And I didn’t fucking deserve you cutting your baggage open and just... dumping out whatever you felt like on me and then letting me go.”
Fuck.
He inhales sharply, head tilting in this sadness you seem to understand within the moment. It steals your breath, a pain punching your ribcage, causing your heartbeat to skip a few. Your jaw twitches as you turn away to gather your bearings, starting back down into the yard.
Why the fuck did I come here?
I'll be holding you tight
When the night is through
Andy takes a deep inhalation behind you and that catches you, dragging you right back. Before you know which end is up you’re turning back around and striding across the pool deck and right into your former lover. Andy meets you in the harsh rains, his hands cupping your neck so possessively, that you can’t remember a time where this hot mess of a man wasn’t bull dozing your life apart. You grasp his face in your palms, that unshaven stubble prickling your flesh. Your mouth meets his, his phone becoming ruined and forgotten as he lets it fall to the ground beside him.
His strong arms path down to encircle your waist, pulling you in from the weather, bunching your t-shirt up until it’s pooling around your tattered bra. You raise your arms to help him discard it, the heavy wet noise it makes when it collides with a nearby pool chair is enough to make Andy gain his surroundings.
“Stop, stop. Are you fucking high?” He asks you, a cautious pause.
You shake your head. “Aren’t you?”
This is when he scares you with a solemn silence you weren’t aware he could possess.
“Andy...” You push your fingers through his damp curls.
“No, I’m not. I was just about to... when you didn’t answer.”
Almost as if he can’t take revealing that bit of truth, he thumbs a bra strap down your shoulder - deliberately slow. Your skin stings with the line of goosebumps that it brings, your own hands struggling to push that stupid ass identical robe off his broad chest.
“I should fucking rip this.” You say, causing a smile to come from him.
“Rip it and I’ll put you on your knees.”
“Has that ever stopped you before?” A challenging look presses your features, but Andy intercepts, wrapping your hair around his fist and pulling your hair back. You feel the ache crack from the tips of your toes, hot wired into your cunt - direct express.
“You need more marks from me.” His mouth caresses your jawline, stubble catching the underside when his lips find your neck, a stimulation that you have become accustomed to craving.
His teeth bite down, a few seconds more where you feel him cleaning his evidence with a light set of kisses.
“There we go.” He scrapes his milky white teeth across your ear with a whisper so hot that you bow into him; knees weak.
Your bra is the next thing to fall somewhere, your jeans following. Andy doesn’t wait for you to even kick them off, his fingers sliding into your lace panties to see how much you still need him. He licks his lips, eyes closing in pleasure, a familiar stroking rhythm unraveling from the tips of his fingers.
“Shit, that’s a good girl. Even when you hate me you still need me, don’t you?”
The cockiness makes your wrist snap and palm collide with his cheek. You’re riled up, he’s riled up. Something you know he likes. “Like you fucking needed that?” Is your retort.
He groans out, a honey wet dip in his tone. “Only you can fucking touch me like that, Y/N.”
Lightening flashes through the darkened midnight skies, rain pounding across the surface of the pool to create a special beat. Andy finds your mouth in desperation once more, working your underwear down in a frustrated jerk. His fingers part your slick folds and ease into you without any warning. You look down to watch his strong forearm flex in its working marathon, back and forth between your thighs.
We'll be riding the tide in the sky so alive
On waves of blue (waves of blue)
I'm in love with the thought of being in love
In love with you (love with you)
You can bring me along for the rest of your life
If you wanted to (wanted to)
You let go and give into him, not daring to question why you came here in the first place. You know why. Andy has stopped his touches, watching you with that lowered stare he gives. His body is glowing from the neon lighting his home harbors, his creamy skin glistening with rain water. He’s hard through those silk pants, nothing left to the imagination.
“Take them off. Now.” You command him.
He can’t hide the greedy smirk that appears on his lips, not taking his eyes off you as his pants and boxers disappear in one go. He is gloriously hard and thick. You almost want to laugh at your cliche salivating tongue. Andy brushes your wet hair off your temple, his hands moving down your body in a tapping massage - reaching their target to hook behind your thighs.
He lifts you with ease, your legs wrapping around his waist. He’s panting rapidly, nosing your neck. He grips himself, teasingly stroking your cunt to gather your arousal. You stutter on an exhale, unable to breathe out properly. It’s jagged and broken, much like your rationality.
You stop him when he attempts to press inside you. “Tell me again,” You plead. He looks at you in confusion. “Say I’m just a fling.” You finish.
“Y/N...” He struggles.
“Before you fuck me, I want you to tell me what I mean to you, Andy.”
It’s hard not to just fucking forget this and let go, let him take you, both of you get what you want and not have to deal with anything else. But you need to hear it. You want to know how much you’re not worth anything to him. You need to hear it more than you need to find out how much you mean to him. That’s what you came here for...
His enriching ocean eyes are glossy with desire, with something else you can’t place. They pin you into a set of shakes. You grip the hair at his neck’s nape.
“Everything.” He says it all at once, bringing your hand down atop his to help him line up, as he fucks himself into your cunt, stretching you with that delicious drowning burn.
You're no good for me
You got what I need
I just wanna be with you
You cry out, vision sprinkled with an array of floating shapes. Andy drives you against the door, hips slamming so hard you know you’ll be bruised before the night is through. You keep one arm around his neck, lowering the other to encourage him to hurt you deeper, nails clawing at his lower back, shredding the skin. His face stays buried in your neck, stubble adding to each motion he makes inside. You cling tight, using all your strength.
It’s slippery, it’s unstable, you can barely hold onto one another, but you manage. And that moment when you finally can’t keep yourself up, Andy lets you slide down, bringing you into the floor of the doorway, lifting your legs onto his shoulders, pressing in so hard you can’t contain the tears that roll from the corner of your eyes, coasting. He’s familiarized himself with how you come undone, even before you knew.
“You’re drenching my cock, baby. You need to let it go?”
You don’t answer, causing him to grip your throat.
“When I ask you something I expect an answer. You remember how this works, don’t you?”
“Fuck, yes! Please, Andy!” You don’t pride yourself now.
He guides a hand across you, as if he’s tuning a fine instrument. Your stomach quivers with a passing of his fingertips, engaging in a butterfly filled stomach clench. You’re tensing up, anticipating. Desiring.
“Fucking do it! Show me how much you still need this...” He trails off, dropping to rest his chest against your breasts.
“Even if you don’t need me.” It’s a counter thought to your need to hear him say he doesn’t want you.
“I’ll always need you.” You push him onto his back with newfound strength, and pin his hands above his head, your hips bouncing so hard that you can feel his firm structure beneath. That’s right, this is exactly what you have to have.
He’s damn near whining now, squeezing your fingers tightly. “Y/N.”
It’s a warning you don’t need. You lean down to steal a kiss, leaving him further winded, nudging his nose with your own, breasts smashed to between you two. Andy gives a silent agreement, dropping a hand down to quickly rub your clit. Your heartbeat is so out of control that you can’t hear anything but your own cries as you cum all over Andy’s cock. He follows with you, holding himself, keeping you there.
He’s shaking when it’s over. You can’t find coherent speech capabilities.
I'll be holding you tight
I'll wait this through
You stay resting on top of him, still keeping him inside. You don’t know what’s going to happen, but you know that there’s no going back now.
This is just another beginning...
~*~
Tagging: @dark-mei-rose @confettucini @lovelylangdonx
Lemme know if y’all wanna be added to the tag list?!!!!
105 notes · View notes
romiantic · 3 years
Text
𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐆
Tumblr media
⇢ ˗ˏˋ 𝒓𝒚𝒐𝒕𝒂 𝒌𝒊𝒔𝒆 𝒙 𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒓!𝒃𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒌!𝒇𝒆𝒎!𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓 ࿐ྂ
Tumblr media
彡 ❛ 𝐚 𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐞 ❜
彡 𝗳𝘁. ryota kise
彡 𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗿𝗲: fluff with very little angst
彡 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁: 2.3k
彡 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: suggestive theme at the end
彡 𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿’𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲: all characters are 18+. also can we talk about how BOMB this song is 🤧 y’all sleepin on this song fr
Tumblr media
·˚ ༘ੈ✩‧₊˚ ╰┈➤ ❛❛ 𝙄 𝙇𝙊𝙑𝙀 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙒𝘼𝙔 𝙔𝙊𝙐 𝘿𝙊 𝙄𝙏 ❜❜
❝ 𝐘/𝐍 𝐇𝐔𝐑𝐑𝐘 𝐘𝐎 𝐀𝐒𝐒 𝐔𝐏! You have two minutes till showtime.” Your manager, AKA, older brother, barged and announced to you like he didn’t update you almost five minutes ago.
You did your usual of sucking your teeth and rolling your teeth every time he barged in and interrupted your call, you replied with annoyance in your tone, “AJ I know! Can you wait a minute? Damn, so impatient for absolutely no reason.”
“I’m sorry who’s the one with hundreds of thousands of fans screaming their name and waiting for their ass outside? Me or you? Oh okay. Anyways, end yo little call with yo boyfr-”
“He’s not my boyfriend!” You interrupted, becoming irritated with your brother and simply wanted him to shut the fuck up. A great manager and brother, yet way too uptight for his job.
AJ rolled his eyes and muttered something but you flipped him off and pretended not to hear him until he left your dressing room. You gave your attention back to your phone, giving a cheeky smile to the blonde boy on your screen. From the corner of his eye, he noticed a nervous look growing on you but from what you could tell, he was choosing what shirt to wear to his photoshoot. Leaving him to be seen with a no top on and a pair of denim jeans.
Though it was typical to see your best friend’s exposed upper body, it was a sight you never got used to. His well-toned body, results from years of playing basketball in middle and high school, making your face hot, adding on to the nervousness you were already facing from your upcoming performance. Along with the pearly white smile he flashed at you creating a sick feeling in your stomach, something that you made you clench onto it and try to ignore. Now was not the time to be drooling over your best friend, who interrupted your stare with a laugh and said, “Are you gonna keep staring or are you gonna take a picture?”
Of course, he’d ruin it with some cocky line like that, you rolled your eyes and sucked your teeth. “Boy calm down, ain’t nobody wanna was staring.”
“Your nervous face said otherwise.”
“Akekeke, don’t you have a photoshoot to go to?”
Kise replied with the same energy as yours, “And don’t you have a performance to go to?”
You held up a finger to a screen then crossed your arms, “Aht aht, don’t worry about me now. Worry about yo lil pictures with that famous ass Russian model.” You wanted to roll your eyes just thinking about the brought-up woman but it would make it seem like you’re being jealous for no reason.
Kise let out a small laugh, adoring the irritated look that was starting to creep up on your face. “Somebody sounds jealous.”
You rolled your eyes and let out a scoff, “Oh please, like I would be.” You looked at the time on your watch and noticed it was about one minute until your performance. Your eyes widened at the time and hurried, you quickly ended the call with Kise, “Shit, fuck! I gotta go perform but I’ll call you back when I’m done.”
“And I’ll be waiting for you beautiful when you get back.” The golden-eyed boy winked at you yet you cringed and scrunched your face. “You’re so fucking corny Kise.” You hung up the call, grab any other pieces missing from your outfit, and headed out of your dressing room.
You traveled quickly around backstage, passing by many coworkers and background dancers waiting for you, to head into the small tunnel for artists to come out on stage. You stopped at the exit and gulped as you scanned the stage. An outside arena with hundreds of thousands of fans cheering your name, waiting for your appearance.
Usually, you would be at ease with concerts this large but for some reason this time is different. Unknowing the reason nor cause, you started to feel anxious, your hands mildly shaking and your throat going dry.
There was something in the back of your mind attempting to not make you perform, something telling you to not do it, it won’t be good, people will hate you. A voice there to influence thoughts, hoping that you would fall into the trap and just give up on singing. Though of course, you wouldn’t listen to that voice, that voice always lingered around whenever you were brought to perform, no matter where you were.
The only thing to distract you and keep you safe from that tiny voice is someone who you’ve longed to love. One who just settles your nerves, bringing comfort, and removing all anxious thoughts. One who would deem you as one of the greatest artists he’s ever listened to, maybe it’s opinionated but he loves you too much to disagree.
The now dawdling thought of his soft voice whenever he spoke or his flirtatious nature when you two joked around made a familiar feeling grow greater than before. Something replaced the anxiousness that was growing, a feeling that replaced the nervousness and calmed your shaky hands. Something that was the thought of Ryota Kise, he was like the medicine to all the pain you’ve suffered. A remedy to your anxiety, one of the many causes of the cheeky smile social media often sees you with.
Someone who you grew up and spent all your life with, always noticing how protective he was of you or the way he hummed one of your pre-recorded tracks that he was the only one to listen to. Celebrating one of your songs had hit #1 on the Billboard chart and the way he helped out whenever you hit writer’s block.
Every single thing, noticeable or not, made you grown to love the boy, starting from a platonic, playground friendship blooming to many years of trying to figure out if you are romantically in love with him. Growing familiar feelings of butterflies mixed with the thought of just wanting to cup his face and kiss him whenever he was around.
Just the ultimate feeling of wanting to be buried in the blonde boy’s arms and explain the blooming love for him made you want to sing the song you wrote for him. A new single that you never wanted to put out since you wanted only Kise to hear it, including that the song was your way of telling him what you felt all these years.
Though something changed your mind, something in your brain told you to tell everyone around you that you’re singing solo, no backup singers or dancers, only you on that stage. In this performance, you just had to do it yourself, nothing but you, the stage, and the microphone.
Everyone was confused by the last-minute change of plans but went along with it. They rescheduled it to where your first “official” song to start the concert with was right after your solo performance. You gave thanks to your team and took some deep breaths. You made sure your Bluetooth set was on and working properly in your ear, AJ handed you a mic and brushed off any wrinkling from your outfit and any smoothed out your hair. Uptight about his job yet made sure his little sister was looking the greatest for her performances.
You took deep breaths again, shook off any bad nerves, and walked on stage. The already excited crowd enraged and their volume expanded as they saw you stand before them. Everyone waving their signs that said, “I love you y/n!!” or “Y/N is so beautiful!” You waved to the audience and stopped at the middle of the stage, walking closer to the front of the stage as well.
You turned on the mic and tapped it to see if it was working, “Mic check one two, can you guys hear me?” The crowd immediately responded yes, you continued on to talk to them, “Okay good, have been getting technical difficulties with my mic and I really don’t feel like switching mics three times. Anyways, afternoon to all my lovely fans who made it out here or to those that are watching me live. I love you all and thank you for supporting me, I truly am grateful for every single one of y’all.” Everyone screamed out how much they love you and adore you, showing off their merch that they bought and waving the homemade posters.
You smiled at their response and cleared your throat as you introduced the song, “Thank you, I love you too. This first song is one that has been sitting too comfortably in my heart. A piece that came from genuine emotions and feelings I’ve tried to bury yet couldn’t no matter how hard I tried. It’s something that I never planned on dropping but I just felt like the world had to hear what I had to say. Hopefully, you guys enjoy it cause I did when I was writing this song at two in the morning before I snuck into the studio and recorded it. Was it worth it? Definitely. Now I may introduce to you, Not Another Love Song. A contradicting title isn’t it?”
You took a large breath in and out, you took a position as you waited for the beat to drop. As soon as you heard the familiar melody start, you sang, “I don’t wanna mess this up, could it be too much to say I’m in?”
The crowd lowered down and became silent to hear your new single, grasping the beautiful new lyrics you were singing and just vibing along with it.
You yourself were placing emotion as you sang, not noticing how proudly you sang the chorus or how you were smiling at the crowd the entire time. One thing was clouding your mind to even pay attention to those details, the same thing that more than likely pushed you to sing the song.
As you sang, the feelings for your best friend grew stronger, butterflies in your stomach, and the deprivation of his touch grew on you. Not even realizing how much you missed him until you turned initially to smile at AJ and your team yet saw a familiar face appear as well. You questioned it but then turned back to continue singing to the audience, only thinking that mind is playing games with you.
“I'm finna take my time, my mind, my rules. This ain't no crimе makin' love to you, though you ain't say this. But I had a hard time waitin' for you, boy. Like ooh, boy, you, boy. Got me where you want, just gotta say and it's on, it's like, ooh, boy, do you know you got me like where do you go when you're alone?”
As you sang, you noticed the crowd growing silent, their eyes widening, and their jaws dropping. You were utterly confused at was catching their attention, you turned to your team and your brother pointed behind, giving you a goofy smile as well.
You turned around to what was the cause of this silent commotion and right along with everyone else, your jaw drop and your eyes widened. The flirtatious, handsome model that everyone knew of was standing in front of you with a bouquet of roses in his hand. He walked up to you and smiled greatly, closing in the large gap between the both of you.
Seeing him walk closer to you made you want to say forget concert and sing the rest to him. Half of your feeling was already poured out, not even knowing he was listening to all of it. You didn’t think he would even be here since he had a photoshoot, not standing on an outside stage with a bouquet of roses and dressed in casual attire.
He handed you the roses and kissed your forehead, telling you, “Alone with you, away from the world, where else would I be when I’m alone?”
No response came from you, not even a single gasp or a sniffle to signify that you might cry. The way you responded to his presence was something that shocked the arena, everyone watching you on live, your team, and even the two of you yourself. Who would’ve thought you would be bold enough to grab his face and kiss him right then and there? You snaked your arm around his waist and pulled him closer to deepen the kiss. He responded back by wrapping his hands around your shoulders and hugging you tightly, holding onto you to make sure you wouldn’t separate from him.
You pulled back from the kiss and smiled, softly combed his blonde hair, and expressed, “I love you, Kise.” Saying his name like it was something you’ve been aching to say, a name that you’ve buried away yet brought out today. A name that sounded so lovely and romantic when you say it.
Kise expressed as well, “I love you too y/n. I’ve always loved you and I will never stop loving you.” He kissed you again, he removed his hand from your shoulders and trailed around to find your hands. He removed your hands from his waist and instead intertwined them with his.
He felt you smile when he held your hand and smiled back. He stated in between kisses, “You know I’m staying on this stage to hear you finish that song right?”
“It’s fine, I need someone to do my next performance on anyways.” He looked at you and you did nothing but wink and mischievously smiled at him. Kise had a small idea of what he could expect but suppressed it to enjoy the soft moment he wanted between the both of you. A moment that he’ll never forget and a concert that will always be remembered for everyone around you.
Tumblr media
彡 it’s like 5 am and I’m tired 🦧 the only thing that kept me up was the fact that I don’t have school plus I loveeeeee kise
彡 also the show olivia
彡 I don’t think I ever mentioned to y’all how much I love his ass but now is definitely not the time 😁
彡 I’m convinced if it silent black hair blue eye powerful men weren’t my type, cocky and flirtatious ones would be runner up
彡 anyways hope you guys enjoy + pleaseee listen to the song, I highly recommend plus ella mai is VERY underrated
bye babes, drink your water, stay hydrated, and remember that you are the baddest bitch on the planet 🥰 no matter what ANYONE says
𝐏𝐬𝐚𝐥𝐦 𝟏𝟖:𝟑𝟎 💗
Tumblr media
© 𝟤𝟢𝟤𝟣 𝗄𝗈𝗂𝗌𝗁𝗂𝗀𝗎𝗋𝗈. 𝖺𝗅𝗅 𝗋𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍𝗌 𝗋𝖾𝗌𝖾𝗋𝗏𝖾𝖽
76 notes · View notes
lochtayboatsong · 3 years
Text
The Jesus Christ Superstar essay absolutely no one asked for.
Last weekend, I watched the pro-shot of the 2012 arena tour of Jesus Christ Superstar starring Ben Forster, Tim Minchin, and Melanie C, because it was Easter and it was up on YT for the weekend.  I never managed to do my annual listen-through of Leonard Bernstein’s Mass this year, as is my usual Easter tradition, so I figured “Why not watch/listen to this instead?”  It was my first time seeing and hearing JCS in full, and Y’ALL, it has been living rent-free in my brain ever since.  I have a mighty need to get my thoughts out, so here they are, in chronological order by song.  
1) Prologue: I love the way JCS 2012 makes use of the arena video screen.  The production design and concept clearly took a lot of inspiration from the “Occupy ______” movement, which makes it feel a bit dated now.  But every single production of JCS is a product of its time period, so this is a feature and not a bug.  
2) Heaven On Their Minds: This is a straight-up rock song.  It wouldn’t be out of place on any rock and roll album released between 1970 and 2021, and it boggles my mind that Webber and Rice were both in their early twenties when they wrote it.  Also, the lyric “You’ve begun to matter more than the things you say” hits hard no matter the year.
3) What’s the Buzz: A+ use of the arena screens again, this time bringing in social media to set the tone.  Also, this song establishes right from the outset that Jesus is burnt out and T I R E D by this point in the story.  Seriously, can we just let this man have a nap?
4) Strange Thing Mystifying: Judas publicly calls out Mary and Jesus claps back.  Folx, get you a partner who will defend your honor the way Jesus defends MM in this scene.  Also Jesus loses his shoes and is mostly barefoot for the remainder of the show.
5) Everything’s Alright: Okay, this is one of the songs I have A LOT to say about.  First, it’s important to know that I was a church musician throughout all of my adolescence and into my early adulthood.  The pianist at the services I usually played at was a top-notch jazz pianist, and also my piano teacher for about six years while I as in high school and undergrad.  (Incidentally, I had a HUGE crush on his son, who was/is a jazz saxophonist and clarinetist and also played in the church band, but that’s a story for another day.)  One of the hymns we played a few times a year was called “Sing of the Lord’s Goodness,” which is notable for being in 5/4 time.  Whenever this hymn was on the schedule, it was usually the recessional, or the last song played as the clergy processed out and the congregation got ready to leave, so we were able to have some fun with it.  After a couple verses the piano player and his son would usually morph it into “Take Five,” a famous jazz standard by Dave Brubeck which is also in 5/4 time.  Anyway, the first time I listened to this song in full, it got to Judas’s line “People who are hungry, people who are starving,” and I sat bolt upright and went “HOLY SHIT THIS IS ‘SING OF THE LORD’S GOODNESS/TAKE FIVE.’”  And I was ricocheted back in time to being fourteen and trying to keep up with this father/son duo in a cavernous Catholic church while simultaneously making heart-eyes at the son.  Final note: This is the only song in the musical to feature all three leads (Jesus, Judas, and Mary Magdalene) and is mostly Jesus and MM being soft with each other in between bouts of Jesus and Judas snarling at one another.
6) This Jesus Must Die: I LOVE that all the villains in this production are in tailored suits.  LOVE IT.  Also, Caiaphas and Annas are a comedy duo akin to “the thin guy and the fat guy,” except in this case it’s “the low basso profundo and the high tenor.”  Excellent use of the arena video screen again, this time as CCTV.
7) Hosanna: My background as a church musician strikes back again.  It honestly took me two or three listens to catch it, but then I had another moment of sitting bolt upright and going “HOLY SHIT THIS IS A PSALM.”  Psalms sung in church usually take the form of call-and-response, with a cantor singing the verses and the congregation joining in for the chorus.  If I close my eyes during this song, I have no trouble imagining Jesus as a church cantor singing the verses and then bringing the congregation in for the “Ho-sanna, Hey-sanna” chorus. 
8) Simon Zealotes: This is part “Gloria In Excelsis” and part over-the-top Gospel song.  Honestly it’s not my favorite, but it marks an important mood change in the show.  The end of “Hosanna” is probably Jesus at his happiest in the entire show, and then Simon comes in and sours the mood by trying to tip the triumphant moment into a violent one.  Jesus is not truly happy again from this moment on.
9) Poor Jerusalem: Also not my fave.  It kinda reads like Webber and Rice realized that Jesus didn’t have a solo aria in Act I, so they came up with this.  But it has the distinction of containing the lyric, “To conquer death you only have to die,” which is the biggest overarching theme of the story.
10) Pilate’s Dream: Pontius Pilate might be the most underrated role in this entire show, and I love that this production has him singing this song while being dressed in judge’s robes.  
11) The Temple: The first half of this is one of the campiest numbers in Act I, at least in this production, and it’s awesome.  The second half is one of the saddest, as Jesus tries to heal the sick but finds there are too many of them.  Also the whole scene is almost entirely in 7/8 time, which I think is just cool.
12) I Don’t Know How To Love Him: Mary Magdalene’s big aria, and one of the songs I knew prior to seeing the full-length show.  This production has MM taking off her heavy lipstick and eye makeup onstage, mid-song, which is kind of cool.  Melanie C says in a BTS interview that MM’s makeup is her armor, so this is a Big Symbolic Moment.
13) Damned For All Time: The scene transition into this song is played entirely in pantomime, and I love it.  The solo guitarist gets to be onstage for a bit, A+ use of the video screen again to show Judas on CCTV, etc.  Love it.  And then this song is Judas frantically rationalizing what he’s doing, and what he’s about to do, with Caiphas and Annas just reacting with raised eyebrows and knowing looks.
14) Blood Money: This is where the tone of the show really takes a turn for the dark.  I think this might be one of Tim Minchin’s finest moments as Judas, because his facial expressions and microexpressions throughout this scene speak absolute volumes.  And the offstage chorus quietly singing “Well done Judas” as he picks up the money is a positively chilling way to end Act I.
15) The Last Supper: Act II begins with major “Drink With Me” vibes.  (Except JCS came WAY before Les Miz, so it’s probably more accurate to say that “Drink With Me” has major “The Last Supper” vibes.)  Jesus and Judas have their knock-down, drag-out fight, and it’s honestly heartbreaking, thanks again to Tim Minchin’s facial expressions.  A well-done production of JCS will really convey that Jesus and Judas were once closer than brothers, even though their relationship is at breaking point when Act I begins.
16) Gethsemane: This is Jesus’s major showpiece and one of my faves.  Jesus knows he has less than 24 hours to live, he knows he’s going to suffer, and worst of all, he doesn’t know whether it’s going to be worth it.  It’s an emotional rollercoaster to watch and to perform, and it goes on for ages: something like 6 or 7 minutes.  Fun fact: the famous G5 is not written in the score.  Ian Gillan, who played Jesus on the original concept album, just sang it that way, so most subsequent Jesuses have also done it that way.  Lindsay Ellis has a great supercut of this on YT.  John Legend notably sang the line as written during the 2018 concert.  
17) The Arrest: Judas’s Betrayer’s Kiss is played differently across different productions.  The 2012 version is pretty tame - I’ve seen clips and gifs of other productions, including the 2000 direct-to-video version, where they kiss fully on the mouth and have to be dragged apart by the guards and it is THE MOST TENDER THING.  Then the 7/8 riff from “The Temple” comes back and the 2012 version lets the video screen do its thing again as Jesus is swarmed by reporters.
18) Peter’s Denial: Not much to say about this one, as it’s basically a scene transition.  But it’s a significant moment in the Passion story, so I’m glad they included it.
19) Pilate and Christ: The 2012 production continues with the theme of Caiaphas, Annas, and Pilate all being bougie af, since Pilate intentionally looks like he just came from tennis practice during this scene.  Also he does pilates...hehehe.
20) King Herod’s Song: Tim Minchin says in a BTS interview that JCS works best when Jesus and Judas are played seriously and the rest of the production is allowed to be completely camp and wild and bizarre all around them, and he is bloody well CORRECT about that.  Case in point: King Herod.  There is not a single production of JCS that I know of where Herod is played “straight.”  He’s been played by everyone from Alice Cooper to Jack Black, and everyone puts a different zany spin on him.  In JCS 2012 he’s a chat show host in a red crushed velvet suit, who is clearly having the time of his LIFE. 
21) Could We Start Again Please: This is another of my faves.  Just a quiet moment where MM, Peter, and the disciples try to grapple with the fact that Jesus is arrested and things are going very, very badly.  This is also my favorite Melanie C moment of the 2012 show.  Her grief is very real, and the little moment she has with Peter at the end is very real.
22) Death of Judas: This is basically Tim Minchin screaming for about five minutes, and incredibly harrowing to watch on first viewing.  
23) Trial Before Pilate: Possibly my single favorite scene in the entire 2012 production.  This is another harrowing watch, but there’s so much to take in.  The “set” that the entire show takes place on is essentially just a massive staircase, and the people with power are almost always positioned above the people without power.  In this scene, the crowd shouting “Crucify Him!” is positioned above Pilate, which is a very telling clue to Pilate’s psychology during this scene.  Jesus is at the very bottom of the stairs, of course.  Excellent use of the video screen once again during the 39 Lashes, to show the lash marks building and building until the entire screen is a wash of red.  Pilate’s counting also gets more and more frantic, especially starting around “20.”  And all the while the guitar riff from “Heaven On Their Minds” is playing.  Jesus’s line “Everything is fixed and you can’t change it” is played quite differently in different productions - here it’s defiant, but elsewhere (in JCS 2000 for example) it’s almost tender, like Jesus is absolving Pilate for his part in the trial.  But it always ends the same - with Pilate almost screaming as he passes the sentence and “washes his hands” of the whole sorry business. 
24) Superstar: The most over-the-top number in the show.  Judas, who died two scenes ago, comes back to sing this.  There are soul singers.  There are girls in skimpy angel costumes.  The parkour guys from the prologue are back.  Judas pulls a tambourine out of hammerspace midway through the song.  And Jesus is silently screaming and crying as he gets hoisted onto a lighting beam while all this is going on.
25) The Crucifixion: More of a spoken-word piece than a song, it’s Jesus’s final words on the cross over eerie piano music, and another harrowing watch.
26) John 19:41: An instrumental piece in which Jesus is taken from the cross and carried, at last, to the top of the stairs, before being lowered out of sight as the video screen turns into a memorial wall and everything fades to black.
So.  I know I’m anywhere from three to fifty-one years late to this particular party, but I am on the JCS bandwagon now and I’m thoroughly enjoying myself.  :)
88 notes · View notes
alkcomics · 3 years
Text
Been making an effort to listen to at least one new album every month for a while now. The first year anniversary of the pandemic hitting felt like as good a time as ever to take stock of what I’ve been digging and share it with y’all.
Seeing this all helps me really feel the passing of time, which has been difficult with the lockdown isolation and depression. Album names link to a choice song on Bandcamp (when I can) or YouTube (when I can’t) in case anyone else out there feeling like a sad zoo animal wants to spice up the cage for a few minutes.
Hope y’all dig. Cheers!
2019 New Music
September | Ahmed Fakroun | “Did you like the musical texture of the Land Down Under song but wished it were sad Libyan disco instead? Well have I got the album for you.” Seriously though, Njoom Al Leyel is probably the most gorgeous song in existence
November | Patience by Mannequin Pussy | All the feels of the Joan of Arc/Kinsella bros Philly emo scene; rad female vocalist and one of the last live shows I saw before the shutdown
December | Devil is Fine by Zeal & Ardor | High concept music project mixing American Black folk with black metal; totally delivers on the premise
2020 New Music
January | Jaago by Lifafa | Vernacular electronic music project of Suryakant Sawhney; chill vibes and gorgeous lyrics
February | On by Altın Gün | The 70s psychedelic revival in Turkish rock music right now is my jam, and I’d be wearing lines in the vinyl if I had a physical copy of this album (waiting til next Bandcamp day to order)
March | Grab that Gun by the Organ | This album fell neatly into my life from the first driving bass line. Dunno how I missed it when it came out. Equal thirds Screaming Females, Joy Division, and it’s own dang thing
April | Dust by I Love You But I’ve Chosen Darkness | The dark indie pop post rock of your dreams
May | Savage Times by Hanni El Khatib | Come for the punk bangers, stay for the disco tear-jerkers. Hanni El Khatib delivers again
June | Antiphon by Alpha Mist | My cousin rec’d Kamasi Washington and I realized I was woefully illiterate in modern jazz. Very chill jazz sophisticated through the lens of hip-hop; echoings of J Dilla
July | Windflower by Herb Ellis & Remo Palmier | Jazz guitar album from the late 70s I’d never heard; melodic and exuding the feelings of death and renewal that come with spring
August | Space Echo: The Mystery Behind the Cosmic Sound of Cabo Verde Finally Revealed! by Various (collected by Analog Africa) | So much good 70s electronica from Africa, and this is a fantastic compilation of different artists with a very insane backstory
September | Drowner’s Wives by Monte Luna | Old school garage heavy feeling; just some good dark psych metal
October | Conference of the Birds by OM | Not my favorite OM album but one I’d never gotten to hear before and perfectly emblematic of why I fucking love them. Search the reddit thread of stoned grad students pouring over the lyrics to add the cherry on top
November | The June Frost by Mournful Congregation | Textured metal outfit from Australia with the range of black metal but the tone of doom
December | Life Metal by Sun O))) | As someone put it recently, this album is the soundtrack to the big bang. Monoliths & Dimensions always overshadowed it before, but after really giving it the time of day I say why pit two kings against each other. I think actually they were talking about M&D with that quote. Y’all ever been sent that meme with Sunn O))) and a vacuum cleaner that’s all “where’s the difference?” Not to take the funny seriously, but the difference is my cats lose their g-damn minds when the vacuum is on but absolutely vibe when Sunn O))) blasts through the airwaves -- which, luckily for them, is much more often than when I vacuum
2021 New Music
January | Liberty Bell by DARKSIDE | Dark electrowave - not a genre of music I generally flock to but I could and have listened to this song on repeat for days
February | What’s Your Pleasure by Jessie Ware | 2021 is about trying to branch out more, and I also don’t usually gravitate toward pop... but you give me a new disco record titled from a Hellraiser quote and I’ll fucking stan
March | Veils of Winter by Blackwater Holylight | ‘Motorcycle’ starts out doom, then gets stoner psych, then goes full dark hippy butt rock guitar riff with dreamy vocal goodness. The rest of the album loses the butt rock but you bet your butts my neighbors are tired of hearing it
April | Celestial by ISIS | A standby of post-metal glory that I’d never really heard in its entirety til now. ‘C.F.T’ is my favorite, but as an avid Earth fan it’s the easy choice. Perfect soundtrack to the warming spring nights, which in the words of a dear friend, are ‘for acid and metal’
---
Ask box is always open if anyone’s got some good jams they want to share my way. Love y’all
71 notes · View notes
chemiste · 4 years
Text
Voicemail. ~one-shot~
a/n: howdy babes, last night i was reading through @toothpastekissy​ masterlist, basically gobbling up everything and came upon Leaked Feelings! I loved the concept of it so I decided to write my own version :) lmk if y’all want a part two!
ALSO, i recorded myself singing both songs i wrote for harry,,,, if ya want to know the tunes i was thinking for them, comment if you want them and ill post em.
my masterlist
Tumblr media
There they were.
The leaked files.
When you got a call at 4 am this morning, you did not expect your publicist to be telling you some of your exes songs were leaked.
“What’s that got to do with me?” You asked, still half asleep.
“They’re about you, Y/N.”  Well now you’re awake.
“What?” You shot up out of bed, padding over to your white desk, fuzzy pink socks on your feet. You opened your laptop and jumped onto twitter, scrolling through with one hand while the other held your phone. #StylesLeak was trending worldwide, as was #Y/N.
HarryUpdates tweeted:
OMG OMG RED ALERT WE GOT LEAK SONGS Y’ALL
FineFuckinLine tweeted:
OOF, what the fucccccck did harry do to Y/N? These are all apology songs!!! No wonder the break up was hush hush
E!News tweeted :
Hey everyone! We know Harry Styles and Y/N L/N stans are up early this morning! Leaked songs from Harry sales have been put out on the web for everyone to see. The two singers had called it quits 3 years ago, but now they’re the trending topic again! #shipname is now trending #1 worldwide, I didn’t ever think we’d see that one again! Go to our website for more!
You heard you publicist let out a big sigh, you put your phone on speaker and set it down on the desk next to you so you could keep looking.
“There are 7 songs, and each one has your name in it or as the title.”
It was a bit of shock, to say the least.
You had hung up with your publicist a while ago and were now debating on whether to listen to the songs or not, you had found a fan account that had the leaked files all ready to go for your entertainment, but something made you hesitate clicking the url.
“You Bastard!” You screamed, shoving him back into the wall. 
Mascara was streaming down your face, the satin red cocktail dress you wore now crumpled as your crouched to grab your suitcase from underneath the bed.
“Please listen, it’s not what you think—“ Harry started, you whipped around to the man before you, fire burning in your eyes.
“Oh, really Harry? How is me hearing you say ‘yeah Y/N is alright, but gotta keep the media happy ya know’ on a voicemail I probably wasn’t supposed to get not what I think?” 
Quickly, you zipped the bag closed, kicking your heels off and shoving your feet into your beat up converse. He let out an exasperated breath, tears starting to shine in his eyes.
“I—I was drunk Y/N! I was with some friends just joking around and—“ 
“Drunk words are sober thoughts Harry.” 
You snapped back, slipping your tench coat on and racing for the stairs, luggage in hand. You rubbed away the endless tears running down your face as you made it to the living room, collecting your keys.
H raced down after you, mumbling over words—
‘Excuses’, You thought.
Right before you opened the front door, he grabbed your hand that was wrapped around the handle of your suitcase. 
“Please Y/N, can’t we just sit down and talk this out—“ 
“There’s nothing to talk about Harry, you made that perfectly clear when I had to listen to you compare me some ‘other models’ while at a very important record dinner! I had to fucking sit there, eyes on me, and act like you weren’t ripping my heart out one word at a time!” 
You snatched your hand out of his and moved out the door, 
“Don’t call me,” was the last thing you said before slamming the door shut.
Bringing back those memories was something you didn’t want to do, it had been 3 years since the break up. Harry didn’t come after you, even though a part of you wished he had. Wished he had tried harder to get you back. But alas, shortly after, he started dating a model, Camile or something, and your relationship was tossed aside like yesterdays newspaper. 
You moved back and forth with your mouse on the link, eventually you closed the page. Instead of fully chickening out, you decided to go to your favorite platform for celebrity gossip, tumblr.
“At least one of his die-heart fans must have the lyrics written down already.” 
You mumbled to yourself, logging into your secret side blog about cats, Captain America, and cute outfits. 
After not that much digging you found a blog, harrysmygod, (you definitely rolled your eyes at the name) had a whole posting written out about it already.
“They’re sure on top of everything, I’ll give them that.”
You started to read.
Hello my harries! 
So if you’ve been up these past few hours, something big has happened! HARRY STYLES HAD SOME FUCKING SONGS LEAKED!!! And no, I don’t mean songs that could have been on the FineLine album, I mean OLD songs! 
And they’re about, you know my fav girl, Y/N! Now, we know their break up 3 years ago was very quick and hush-hush, not much details ya know? 
BUT WE GOT THE JUICE NOW LADIES!! 
The boy wrote 7 songs that got leaked, and you wonder why I know they’re about her? Y/N is a lyric or title word used in all of them! Thats right, all 7 songs. I’ve done the best thing for everyone and written out the lyrics for you to look through, I’ve only kept one chorus and each new verse, if you listen to the song and its repeated I only wrote it down one for you, blah blah you get it? 
Great! Heres the first one, it’s called Voicemail.
You took a deep breath and scrolled down.
The look on your face,
The hurt in your eyes,
Made me realize, my lover was gone,
I never got to say goodbye.
Oh, Oh, Ah, Oh.
The words I had said, not true,
I’m so sorry you heard them too.
When you came home in that dress,
Mascara dripping onto your chest.
I knew I had fucked up,
One voicemail turning us to dust.
If you ever hear this song,
Know that I was wrong,
You were the best thing in my life,
Now those flames have turned to ice.
Oh, Oh, Ah, Oh.
Y/N, please remember the love we once had together,
So I know I am real
And then maybe, we could try to heal.
Heaaaaaaaaaal.
Wow you guys, this SONG! Totally sucks that harry didn’t mean to release them cause totally invasion of privacy (sorry harry), but lucky for us we’ve got some info on what happened between Y/N and him! 
I’m thinking maybe a voicemail gone wrong? They could have been in a fight and he said something that cut too deep? Lmk what you guys think, heres the next on called Gone.
You scrolled through them, you read all the songs. Lover’s Funeral, Drunk Thoughts, Empty Seat, Your Sock Drawer, and then finally, Y/N.
Alright, we’ve made it to the last song my dudes. And personally it’s my favorite!!!! This was the last song leaked, but I feel the most important. Here’s Y/N.
Oh, Y/N, Y/N, Y/N,
You make my heart fly,
I feel as though I could touch the sky,
I only need your love to try.
My love, love, love
You shine brighter than any star above.
Make me count everyday,
I should have tried to make you stay.
Oh, Y/N, Y/N, Y/N
I know we can agree
That I’m a bastard
Im a flake,
You made the right choice
Walking out on me
But could I have
A second chance,
I know it would be worth it
In the end
Because I’d get,
On one knee,
And promise myself to you
For all eternity.
Oh, Y/N Y/N Y/N
My love, love, love
Oh, Y/N Y/N Y/N
My love, love, love
You gasped, basically jumping away from the computer like it was on fire. Thoughts raced through your mind, you grabbed your head, trying to keep it all together. 
He wanted to marry you? Impossible. 3 Years ago this man was thinking about proposing, then how could he say all those horrible things about you?
“He’s not worth another heartbreak, stop it, stop it!” You chanted to yourself.
While you paced back and forth making a dint in your soft white carpet, you had tuned out the notifications for instagram, twitter, and calls coming through to you. 
But then a certain dial tone popped up that you had only set for one person.
Ding!
Ding!
Ding!
You glanced to your phone on the table and froze.
Bastard (wasn’t allowed to block, fuck PR)
Sent you a message.
Bastard (wasn’t allowed to block, fuck PR)
Sent you a message.
Bastard (wasn’t allowed to block, fuck PR)
Sent a voice file “Mrs. Styles.”
Bastard (wasn’t allowed to block, fuck PR)
Sent a voice file “I Should Have Fought.”
Bastard (wasn’t allowed to block, fuck PR)
Sent a voice file “I’m Sorry.”
<3
here’s part 2!!!!!!!!!
487 notes · View notes
bitchin-beskar · 3 years
Text
no body, no crime
Rating: M
Warnings: murderrrrrrr. allusions to smut. but like... murderrrrr.  (Actual warnings: mentions of infidelity, light descriptions of torture, allusions to murder, vague mentions of smut)
Pairing: Maxwell Lord x Reader (no use of y/n)
Word Count: 
A/N: So, this story is based off the song, no body, no crime from T. Swift’s new album, evermore. I listened to it, and immediately knew it was perfect for the bastard man himself. (Also, this fic is entirely @perropascal‘s fault, if she hadn’t posted the absolutely amazing fic (fucked my way) to the top featuring the asshole himself, I would never have even thought about him, so... blame her ;)) I hope y’all like this! (I will probably write a companion piece for this with actual smut, but I wanted to stick with the lyrics of the song for this one, and it just didn’t fit in. Believe me, I tried.)
P.S. You all should check @perropascal out. she’s amazing and this story is dedicated to her beautiful self!
Please consider reblogging and leaving a comment!! I’d love to hear what you guys think!!
“He’s cheating.”
You look over at your best friend, taking in her tired eyes and her slumped shoulders, the way that she desperately grips her glass of wine with two hands. She’s not been getting enough sleep, and its beginning to take it’s toll. 
“Did you catch him?”
You keep your voice soft, not wanting to draw any attention to yourself or Este. You’re at your regular table in the Olive Garden that you and Este have been going to since high school. Even though you’re in the back of the restaurant, and there aren’t any people at the nearby tables, Este looks like she’s about to break down, and you know she wouldn’t want an audience for that. 
“He’s coming home with stains around his lips. He says they’re from merlot, but I don’t believe him. And there’s jewelry purchases on our joint account, but it’s not mine.” 
She looks miserable, and you reach out, squeezing her hand tightly. You’d never liked Aaron, her husband. He always seemed a little off, a little too controlling and quick to anger, and your best friend deserved better dammit. 
“Do you have any ideas as to who he’s with?”
Este just shook her head miserably. “It’s probably someone from his work, but I have no idea who. No body, no crime, right?” She buried her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking. 
Pushing your chair back, you stand up and move around to hug Este, pulling her into your arms and stroking her hair. She’s trembling like a leaf, and you wish you could take her pain away.
“I’ve gotta call him out,” she mutters into your shoulder. “I refuse to be the stupid housewife who pretends she doesn’t know just to save her marriage.”
You pull back slightly, a concerned look in your eyes. “I don’t trust him, Este. Be careful, okay? I don’t want anything to happen to you.”
Este nods, drying her tears. “I’ll be careful. I have to do this though. There’s no doubt in my mind, I have to call him out.”
***
The next week, you knew something was wrong. Este hadn’t answered your texts all week, and she wasn’t there at Olive Garden for your weekly dinner. She’d never missed a dinner night, not once. You called her workplace, only to find out she’d been out all week. 
Near frantic, you drove to the police station, hoping that they might have information, or at the very least, you could file a missing person’s report. To your surprise, however, a report had already been filed. 
When you asked who had filed it and when, the answer shocked you. Aaron had filed the missing person’s report last Tuesday. 
The same Tuesday that Este had told you she was going to confront Aaron about his infidelity. 
You asked if there was any chance the report’s filing date could be off, but the officer assured you that it wasn’t. A one Aaron Stover had filed a missing person’s report on his wife on Tuesday night, mere hours after you and Este had parted ways. 
You left the police station, shaken to your core. Your mind was racing as you tried to come up with a reason for why Aaron would have reported Este missing so quickly after you’d last seen her. Unfortunately, you knew there was only one logical explanation. He’d reported her missing because he knew that she was going to be missing. You were driving on autopilot, and when you finally began to pay attention again, you realized where you were.
Sitting behind the wheel of your car, you were parked across the street from Aaron and Este’s house. His truck was in the driveway, and you noticed he had four brand new, shiny tires. As you were watching, another car drove up, and a gorgeous woman got out of the driver’s seat. She walked up to the front door, and walked right into the house. You frowned. 
You noticed sweet old Mrs. Cratchit was gardening outside, and you quickly got out to speak with her. Mrs. Cratchit was a notorious gossip, and if anyone had seen or heard anything, she was bound to know. 
“Hi, Mrs. Cratchit!” You forced a cheerful tone into your voice, despite the dread that weighed heavy in your heart. “How are you?”
She looked up from her flowerbed, grinning toothily as she saw you. “Hello sweetie! It’s been far too long! I’m doing just fine, thank you. How are you, dear?” She paused, a slight frown maring her wrinkled features. “How is Este, dear? Have you talked to her?” 
Mrs. Cratchit didn’t pause for you to answer, instead plowing on. “It’s just shameful, what that husband of hers is doing. Shameful, I say! Bringing his little side piece into their home. Apparently, she’s a secretary at the same company. It’s just shameful.” She shook her head. “I even heard that the little trollop is sleeping over, if you know what I mean.” She winked at you, and you forced a strangled laugh. “Anyways, is Este doing alright?”
You opened your mouth to tell Mrs. Cratchit the truth, but the words caught in your throat. You still couldn’t believe that your best friend was missing, you didn’t want to believe it. 
“Este’s fine, Mrs. Cratchit. I should probably go, though. It was good seeing you!” You forced the lie out of your mouth, giving the sweet, clueless old woman a kiss on the cheek before heading back to your car, your mind racing. 
So not only was Aaron cheating on Este, he’d done something to her, and, instead of even acting concerned, he’d decided to move his mistress into your best friend’s house. Hell, his mistress was sleeping in Este’s bed! 
Furious, you decided then and there that you were going to do something about it. You knew he did it, but you just couldn’t prove it, not in a court of law. So, you’d have to take matters into your own hands. 
***
Planning a murder was surprisingly simple.
Your daddy made you get a boating license when you were fifteen, and he was more than willing to lend you his thirty-eight foot, 2000 Cruisers 3870 Express for a weekend on the lake. 
Your aunt cleaned houses for a living, and all you had to do was ask, and she was all too willing to give you what you needed. 
Este’s sister was an orderly at a small, local hospital, and it was all too easy for her to slip a tiny vial of succinylcholine into her purse one day after her shift. 
And Aaron. 
Poor, foolish, unsuspecting Aaron.
You’d just had to “accidentally” run into him one day after work, bat your eyes and run your hands over his chest as you invited him over for lunch. Playing the facade of a concerned well-wisher, wanting to make sure your best friend’s husband was doing alright in this horrible time, was ridiculously easy. Dress a little too low cut, heels a little too high, lips a little too red, it was easy to catch his attention. 
You’re sure he thought he would be warming your bed after your “lunch” but you had other plans. 
***
You heard a thump behind you, and you turned, seeing Aaron blinking blearily up at you, terror in his eyes. You left the controls of the boat, turning and yanking the duct tape off of his mouth violently. He whimpered at the sting, and you smirked. 
“W–W–What are you doing?! Are you insane?! I could have you arrested for this–”
You stood up, kicking Aaron in the gut, and he groaned, curling up as best he could with his hands duct taped behind his back.
“You could,” you drawled, placing your hands on your hips as you looked down at him condescendingly. “But it’s a little hard to have me arrested when you’re dead, darling.”
His eyes widened, and he opened his mouth and began screaming. You only laughed, waiting for him to run out of air. He finally had to stop, gasping for breath, at which point you knelt back down by his face, stroking his tear-stained cheek with one finger. 
“There’s one way you can get out of this alive Aaron. All you have to do is tell me one itty, bitty little thing. Think you can do that for me?”
He nodded frantically, terrified whimpers escaping from his throat as he tried to shuffle back from you, unsuccessfully. 
You patted his cheek sharply. “Good boy.” Gripping his chin, you jerked his face up so he was forced to look you in the eyes. “What did you do to Este?” 
At the look on Aaron’s face, you felt your heart sink. Aaron had never been good at keeping secrets, which is part of how Este had caught him cheating in the first place. The look on his face told you everything. Este was gone, and she wasn’t coming back. 
You quickly schooled your features. Though you were devastated, there was no way you were letting this bastard know that. He’d murdered your best friend in cold blood, all because he couldn’t stand the fact that he’d been caught cheating, and because he knew Este would leave him destitute when she took him to court. 
“Such a shame,” you tutted, voice dripping with venom. “I was really hoping you’d have a different answer for me.” 
Aaron immediately began to squirm, begging, pleading with you, trying to get you to spare his life. His pathetic whimpers had no effect, and you delivered another satisfying kick to his gut before turning and grabbing the bag holding the heavy cinder blocks and the padlock and chains. 
His eyes widened when he watched you pull out the chains and the cinder blocks, and you chuckled lowly. 
***
The police had questioned you, of course, but Este’s sister swore up and down that you were with her, so you were quickly eliminated as a suspect in Aaron’s disappearance. 
Jessica, Aaron’s mistress, wasn’t so lucky. She’d taken out a two million dollar life insurance policy on him, the stupid woman, which immediately made her the prime suspect. Apparently, she was also being looked at as a suspect in Este’s disappearance as well.
The news was making her out to be some kind of black widow, ruthlessly taking out anyone in her way to fame, glory, and riches. Honestly, they were laying it on a bit thick, but as long as they were focused on her and not you, it didn’t matter. 
But the cherry on the sundae was when your firm was hired by corporate executives from the company Jessica worked for, to conduct an investigation into both her and Aaron. Apparently, Aaron had been working on a rather sensitive project for the company, and now with his disappearance and the suspicion resting on Jessica, their company wanted to make sure that none of their projects would be compromised. 
Jessica was the reason your best friend was dead. You were going to make her life hell.
***
“Mr. Lord? There’s a young woman from that firm corporate hired here to see you.”
Maxwell looked up to see Cherrie standing in the doorway, and he took a moment to appreciate how her skirt made her legs look fantastic. She flushed prettily under his gaze, like always. 
“Thanks, babes, send her on in.” 
Max settled back into his chair, steepling his fingers as he waited for you to arrive. He’d been shocked when the bosses had told him one of his secretaries was the subject of a police investigation into the disappearance of another of his employees, Aaron. 
He’d also been shocked, and more than a little angry to find out that apparently, Jessica was sleeping with Aaron. One of his employees, sleeping with his secretary? It pissed him off, and if Aaron wasn’t already missing, he’d be tempted to kill the man. 
As he watched a gorgeous young woman step into his office, briefcase in hand and a smirk on her face, he felt his own smirk grow. He had a feeling things were going to get interesting.
***
You woke slowly, the faint sensation of touch ghosting across your bare back sending tingles down your spine. You smiled sleepily, sighing when a pair of lips pressed against your bare shoulder.
“Did I wake you, gorgeous?”
Rolling over, you looked at the man who lay propped up beside you, his blonde hair falling mused over his forehead. You’re both naked under the sheets, skin sweaty from the hours spent pressed into the mattress, against the wall, on the desk, and even the floor. 
“I should probably be getting up anyways, Max. I’ve gotta present my findings to the board on Jessica.”
Max chuckled, his hand tracing over your bare flesh, stroking the side of your breast, the gold of his rings cool against your skin. “Ah yes, the findings that prove her guilt in a corporate espionage scheme, those findings?”
You giggled, tangling your fingers in his hair as you pulled him closer to you, your lips ghosting over his. “It’s like I told you, darling. I’m not letting up until the day she dies.”
Permanent Tags: @theocatkov, @cosmicbug379, @marydjarin, @perropascal, @mxndoscyarika, @hayley-the-comet, @phoenixhalliwell, @ahopelessromanticwritersworld, @pedroepascal, @roxypeanut, @rynadjarin-reading, @anerdydragon, @justanotherblonde23, @rosiefridayrogersunday, @meshlamando, @sunsetmando, @bucketbunny, @mudhornchronicles, @huliabitch, @nerdypinupcrystal, @blackmarketmummy, @dinsbeskar, @mischiefnevermanaged94, @randomness501, @bisexual-space-slut
Maxwell Lord Tags: @bucketbunny, @nerdypinupcrystal, @chibi-liz05, @blackmarketmummy, @mischiefnevermanaged94, @agentshortstacc
If you’d like to be tagged in any of my works, please fill out this quick survey!!
51 notes · View notes
straighttohellbuddy · 3 years
Note
World building is the best tbh. I’m forever world building and now I have several worlds to play in and my neurodivergent brain cannot stay still enough to focus on one lmao. SLOWBURN ROMANCES ARE MY LITERAL JAM LIKE PLS!!! I LOVE THEM!! Also!!!! Concepts!!!! Pls share!!!! I love learning about the worlds of my fave fics and I can hands down say right now that this fic will literally shoot to the top of my list of favourites which means you’ll occupy the top three spots. Sorry to hear that ur feeling rough, so am sending u the biggest hug. I’m not okay but I’m taking care of myself today so that I will be 🧡-🐈‍⬛
alsjfsldkjf i have too many worlds TBH, literally one of the best parts of my 2020 was writing for the classic rock fandom and writing one of my good friend’s ocs alongside mine, like there’s so many different worlds that our two characters have now, i’m like 26k deep into a high school au that i need to get back to at some point, and then i wrote a oneshot abt the high school au but they’re adults, and then there’s also the original timeline, and then there’s the present day in the original timeline where they have kids and i probably care too much about people who aren’t real...... hahaha
OKAY OKAY OKAY HERE WE GO I’LL GIVE KIND OF AN OVERVIEW OF THE ALBUMS AND A FEW SONGS BUT IF U WANT ME TO GO IN DEPTH ON ANY OTHER SONG JUST ASK!!!
yes i have a playlist for each, if you wanna hear how i interpret the vibes of the songs. if you interpret them differently, thats awesome!! i’d love to hear y’all’s opinions on them!!
testing one two - the first ep they release, the song titles are mostly themed (fast forward, press play, pause, rewind), but are mostly things y/n has been working on for a while but never got around to finishing, things they are rather proud of. i see you shiver with... is the first song they wrote specifically for the album, and it’s the last song on the EP because it’s a Rocky Horror reference; i see you shiver with...
a n t i c i p a t i o n - first full album!! the vibe is Hopeful But Hesitant it has all the songs from the ep, plus some new ones!! collabs with youtube musicians troye and dodie, and y/n’s label sets up a collab that turns into a genuine friendship. the breakout dance hit is what else is there to say ft. Troye Sivan, which is about not knowing what to make content about when it feels like you’ve already told the world everything. it featured the prechorus and hook
You, know, ev-ery-thing about me / gave it all for free / my life in HD / So, let’s dance, let me see your hips sway / we’re gonna be okay / what else is there to say?
So say that you love me, say that you love me, say that you love me / let’s die hand in hand. / I’ll tell you I love you, tell you I love you, tell you I love you / supply and demand. 
personally, i also conceptually enjoy srs bsns which is a really upbeat song about how they don’t care if people don’t take them seriously because they know in their heart that what they’re doing is good
hyperfocus - 2nd EP, a pretty substantial departure from their usual style, but also happens to quietly be Corpse’s favourite, and is actually y/n’s most polarising, because it has both the Grammy award winning HEARTBURN and the o brother where art thou which was written partially as a joke to capture a fond moment of them and 5SOS dicking around together in a hotel. written while on tour wit 5SOS, im writing the reader as having ADHD (because I have ADHD and i can do what i want), and the backstory is that they’d changed the medication/dosage they were taking, and as it’s their first full tour, they were under a lot of stress and were in a weird place mentally and emotionally, and hyperfocus is the result of that. i’m going through some stuff has HUGE agoraphobic vibes. 
HEARTBURN has the same vibes as Florence + The Machines’ Howl. It’s about being a demon without saying that or directly implying that unless you know demons real well. This is when the pressure for them to confirm their identity got real bad, and it was their way of working through those emotions.
tear in existence in the shape of a person / when i’m seeing clearly i can’t see myself / world can’t swallow what it can’t get it’s teeth into / got everything i wanted but i ain’t got my health
Got heart-burn--- / I’ll tear me apart / I’ll tear you apart / I’ll tear me apart. 
SCREAM gets rereleased as a remixed single featuring Fall Out Boy the following year. It won the MTV music award for best collaboration in 2018. 
In the time between hyperfocus and working on it, Y/N releases several singles, including a cover of Tell Him by The Exciters to be featured in To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before. They also take time to sort out their health, do a little bit more YT stuff, and travel internationally to do festivals. 
working on it - is kind of a middle ground between their original stuff, and hyperfocus, like pop-punk meets horror-pop meets whatever you’d classify halsey as. the first three songs were mostly written before the fic starts, so before they’re getting back to YT, but the last three, nightmare scenario, designed to hurt (touch me), and not scared were all written after they’d started hanging out with sykkuno and corpse. 
in-universe, imposter syndrome was originally something else, along the same lines of tired that they’re hiding that they’re a demon, but after meeting corpse nd sykkuno and having people who know, and lowkey being influenced by corpse’s music, the song changes directions, and YO OKAY YO::
I literally am so fucking flattered, my darling friend @bingusmode​ wrote lyrics for imposter syndrome and I’ve been yELLING about them ever since i’ve read them!! (also bunnie is fantastic and lovely in general 10/10)
if you thought you saw me 
i’d think about it twice
cuz while i know i’m naughty
everybody thinks i’m nice
cutest giggles get me
places that i long to be
but it’s not long before
everybody hates me
when you figure out i’m fucked up
you’ll probably think that can’t be right
but babe my image runs to save me
cuz i’m ugly day and night
nothing good about me
not the angel that i seem
cuz i’m a piece of shit
and i’ll ruin your fuckin dreams
i’m an impostor babe
you better run for your life
cuz there’s a bloodlust runnin through me
and you’re dripping off my knife
there’s no one here to save you
cuz you ate up all my lies
so beg me while you can
and draft up all your goodbyes 
if any of y’all are inspired by anything i put out, feel free to take it and run!! you have my blessing!! i am so overwhelmingly flattered by people who like my stuff enough to create because of it, directly or indirectly! lyrics, art, songs, anything!! legit! I love you!!
okay so designed to hurt (touch me) has big House of Memories by Panic! At The Disco vibes, and YES it’s about Corpse. YES it sends mixed messages. YES it has greek myth imagery and YES that imagery is confusing. not sure if any of these sets of lyrics actually go after each other but also idk??
will my fall from grace be graceful / as each move i see you make? / propped up on pedestals side by side / beneath our feet they shake / i’m the only one to hear you ask  / “What have they done to me?” / My boy, your wax throne is sun-drenched / you’ll fall in the name of your legacy.
eyes like yours watched rome burn / while hands like mine lit the pyre / we both heard me say we’d go down in flames / now you’re turning me into a liar / since you smile like that, like you can’t feel the sting / and we both know i can’t feel the fire
been telling myself i’m designed to hurt / but, baby, aren’t we a sight? /
check your reflection, your angles, apollo / you’re icarus in the right light /
we’re on the edge, i’m not scared to fall / we’ll take refuge in the night /
been telling yourself you’re designed to hurt / but, baby, doesn’t this feel right?
also, albumtouralbumtour is a reference to Bohemian Rhapsody.
OKAY AND FINALLY
n o s t a l g i a - the album the reader’s working on during the fic.
literally as i was writing this, bunnie sent through some FIRE lyrics for how the light gets in, (@bingusmode) i am going to be thinking about these on REPEAT for the next MONTH BRUV
little bit of darkness, treat me like a toy 
i got my hopes up and got them destroyed
bitter taste of regret sitting heavy on my tongue
can’t believe i let you convince me that you were the one
sitting here in silence, fabric running thin
petals burning in my lungs and stealing oxygen
embers from a cigarette falling to the floor
god i can’t take anymore
so i stumble to the window and pull the shades
and the moon pours in like you threw a grenade
i can’t understand why
i keep trying
cuz i never seem to win
but having any hope is how the light gets in 
from there, moment before impact ft. Billie Eilish is a club anthem along the lines of bad guy or COPYCAT, bass heavy with a drop that’s out of this world.
powdered pain, i’m in your veins / i’m the sting, the drip, the thing / you’re craving, but you hate to see me misbehaving / i heard my breakdown got you high / it’s true, but baby i can’t lie / i never got that rush, that burn / that makes you feel alive, i had to learn / to pick the slippery slope down which i fell / plan my pitstops on the way to hell / to pick my padding before i spiral / so if i break it’ll be in style
watch my misdirect, now freeze, / notice you can’t see the forest for the trees / you’re so desperate for my demise / but baby, i’ll make you watch me rise.
this is the moment before impact
controlled chaos, crash land / take a breath, trust the plan / i know you hope i’m not okay / you get off on my audio misery
controlled chaos, crash land / take a breath, trust the plan / i need you to know i want it this way / my breakdown won me a grammy
and this is the moment before impact
ur my favourite - interlude ft. sykkuno is probably one of my favourites, it’s just really soft, just a snippet of a conversation between the reader and sykkuno, maybe one of them told a joke and they both just sound real happy and sweet. its nice. it’s a nice moment.
means something is also for sykkuno!! it’s about how good-strange it is to be open and honest with friends, and how they usually aren’t but they’re glad they can be open and honest with him!!
meanwhile, i don’t think about u - interlude ft. CORPSE is a phonecall between corpse & the reader right after they announce they’re going to feature on acting like that, where corpse asks if they do this sort of thing to spite him, to which the reader responds ‘do i consider you when i’m making decisions about my career? no, corpse, actually i don’t think about you at all’ which then directly contrasts the song that ends the album, which is (how it feels to be) beautiful fireworks, which is essentially ‘i know how hard it is to exist like this, to be the centre of attention, to give off light and bring people joy, even when you’re in pain. i’m here for you. i love you.’
okay, i swear im done now, i’ll get back to writing the fic! (also i cannot BELIVE i managed to figure out how to embed those playlists but im so happy) edit: it didn’t actually work when i posted the ask, so anyways im sorry but y’all are abt to be spammed with playlists because i care too much abt this fic
32 notes · View notes
danicarosaline · 4 years
Text
We Belong Together
𝙹𝙹 𝙼𝚊𝚢𝚋𝚊𝚗𝚔 𝚡 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛
Summary: you hoped that one day you’d end up back together, after having some time apart. You’ve grown and matured and so has he but your heart is left shattered once again.
A/N: soo this is based off on a true story.. I don’t know why I decided to write this, i guess its just one of those nights where im missing him again? I dunno but its sad girl hours and i was planning on writing a part 2 of this if anyone’s interested in my drama lmaooo let me know tho! Xo
Warnings: angst, and forever wishing i had a friendship like the pogues
Tumblr media
{ 𝙶𝙸𝙵 𝚋𝚢 @toesure }
The gentle breeze lightly caressed your tan skin making you shiver slightly. Smoothing out your pastel pink dress with your hand and with a cup in your other hand only being half full, you down it quickly. Grimacing at the burning but satisfying sensation down your throat.
You run your fingers through the unruliness of your short iron curls, and let curious eyes wonder over the crowd. Kooks, pogues, tourons, all mingled up together joyously and Ignoring the social statuses that ran between the three classes but doubting the tourons of knowing a status like that actually existing in the Obx.
The affects that alcohol can have on people. Changing their behaviours just after a few tastes, It amazes you almost evertime. Alcohol either brings out the best in people or the worst and that kinda annoys you to a certain degree.
Scanning the crowd of drunken teens for your two bestfriends and starting to get tipsier the longer you stand by myself but eyes finally landing on their figures, you hastily make your way over to the two girls. Muttering out apologies to some teens who you kindly move to the side to pass.
“Hey where the hell have you been!?” Kie yells over the loud music blasting from the big speakers. Sarah takes your hands in hers and pulls you by her side when she realized it was her bestfriend.
“I missed you!!” The blonde squeals in your left ear, almost deafening you. You pull away from her slightly to pull Kie into your side aswell and sway your bodies together to the RNB music.
“You suck Routlegde!” You whoop and point mockingly to the tall brunet across the ping pong table. His head hangs low defeatedly when the plastic white ball successfully made its way into the last cup. He sighs in slight annoyance, but sends you a smile anyways.
Kie and Sarah cheer loudly next to you, pulling you in close while they bounce up and down excitedly at the win. Sarah jogs up to her boyfriend to pinch his cheeks and teases him for losing against three girls.
“Your aim is ridiculously accurate, do you like practice at home or something?” Pope questions jokingly and throws an arm over you and Kie.
“No shit, how do you think i’ve gotten this good?” you answer with a grin on your face and wink at the boy, making Kie roll her eyes and shove you playfully. As the group gathers together in a small huddle, enjoying each other’s presence, you can’t help but let your eyes drift over to JJ who was not too far from where y’all were standing and your smile falters as you spot him with the pretty indonesian girl with the long black hair. Making your heart clench at the sight. You were nothing compared to her.
She had a smile that could brighten anyones day. Her presence screamed confident and that intimidated you. You’re a pretty confident girl yourself but you have insecurities and you’re pretty sure she doesn’t even know the definition of the word.
His hands roams her perfect body as they grind to the music. Her pretty hands placed on the back of his neck as she held him close.
You felt your chest tighten and your stomach drop as you watched them lean in but you turn away in a flash. You don’t want to see that.
Even though you turned away in time your heart still shatters knowing what happened next.
A sudden wave of insecurity washes over you as you compare yourself to the pretty girl in his arms. You barely noticed the single tear that managed to escape your eye until you felt a pair of soft fingers wiping it away. It was your bestfriend Kiara peering at you with furrowed eyebrows and an all knowing look. You’re completely sobbing now and she pulls you into her chest. Embracing you in her tight hold.
The others too busy dancing away to notice your little breakdown but as if things weren’t already sad enough, the song We Belong Together by Mariah Carey blasts loudly through the speakers almost tauntingly.
With a roll of your eyes you pull away from Kie and she cringes at the choice of song playing at a kegger but no one seems to be complaining as many others are chanting drunkily with miss Carey and you can’t help but sing along with them.
I didn't mean it
When I said I didn't love you, so
I should have held on tight
I never shoulda let you go
I didn't know nothing
I was stupid, I was foolish
I was lying to myself
I could not fathom that I would ever
Be without your love
Never imagined I'd be
Sitting here beside myself
'Cause I didn't know you
'Cause I didn't know me
But I thought I knew everything
I never felt
You yell the lyrics at the top of your lungs as you sob and dance with the others but as soon as they hear the crack in your voice and see the aggressive tears streaming down your perfect face they freeze in their actions and all of a sudden your being suffocated by multiple arms.
Once all arms pull away from your pathetic self, the pogues (& kook) give you a kiss each, on the cheek and in that moment all you feel is loved.
The feeling that I'm feeling
Now that I don't hear your voice
Or have your touch and kiss your lips
'Cause I don't have a choice
Oh, what I wouldn't give
To have you lying by my side
Right here, cause baby
(We belong together)
You feel loved and supported by your group of friends who don’t need to question your sadden state for they know the reason why your heart is breaking right now and your entirely greatful for them all.
“I will fucking kill him i swear” John B mutters angrily to himself but you heard it loud and clear.
“No B John, I’m okay, I’m fine i promise” even if it won’t convince him entirely, you still give him a weak smile anyways which he returns sympathetically.
“Its not worth crying over”
“You can do better”
“He didn’t deserve you anyways”
All that went through deaf ears. You know they are absolutely right and are only trying their best to cheer you up but its just not exactly what you want to hear right now. You already know that you deserved better so you don’t need to hear them tell you again.
When you left I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby, please
'Cause we belong together
Who else am I gon' lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me on the phone
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
There ain't nobody better
Oh, baby baby, we belong together
“Yo whats going on here?” You heard a boyish laugh coming from your right and there he stood, unknowing to the current situation happening between you pogues. Pope glances at you and you send two short nods his way, meaning- just act freakin’ normal.
“Hey JJ, man, where you been?” Pope launches himself onto JJ and drags him away. Whilst Kie and Sarah are still tightly holding you in their embrace, John B gives you girls one last squeeze before following the two.
“John, please don’t do anything. Not now” you plead. He gives you an encouraging smile, silently telling you that it’ll be okay.
You don’t miss the way the blond male cranes his neck towards you and once you locked eyes all you saw was genuine concern evident on his beautiful face. He furrows his eyebrows as he looked you over. You’re not hiding your tears because you want him to know that he broke you.
As if a light bulb had been switched on in his mind, his cerulean eyes widen at the sudden realization of what was going on, on why Pope was so quick to pull him away from the group.
Taking a few steps forward but before he could make it to where you stood, you shake your head at him and back up quickly and before you knew it, you’re speed walking away with your two bestfriends close behind.
I can't stop loving you. You betray my affections and leave my heart in shattered disarray of pieces. Every single time you steal a part of me, and you make it impossible for me to put myself together.
And yet, I always come back around to you. Why is that? Perhaps I hope that you return what you've stolen. You never do. You just take more. And for you, more is never enough.
You can take me, you can take my heart, you can take the hearts of a million and it would never be enough for you. Your blood is cold. Your heart can't love anything but itself. You smile, and it's intoxicating.
Your fingers brush through my hair, and it's addicting. You laugh, and it's contagious. You and your flirtatious self. You know what you do to me.
You don't mind the company, but you know that you could never, would never return the love I shared with you.
150 notes · View notes
rightsockjin · 4 years
Text
A Little Bit of Stress
Tumblr media
Summary: You and Namjoon haven’t had sex in God knows how long because of your mutually busy lives. Namjoon was stressed for the next comeback and you had students to motivate but how were you supposed to focus on your job when all you could think about was your boyfriend naked?
Rating: M
Genre: Smut, Fluff, tiny Angst
Word count: 14,456
Warnings: There is sex in this. Oral. Female receiving. Sexual spanking and playful spanking. Erotica…duh. BIg dick energy. And literal. You can feel it in your guts ladies and gents. Fingering, slight dirty talk. na na na na na na na na na na na na Soft DomJOON! A little angst if you squint. Very fluffy. Namjoon loves reader with all he’s got. Unprotected sex. Multiple orgasms. Nipple play-kinda. Bratty reader. Slight choking. Sensitive neck Joon. Ear eating.
Please don’t repost without permission. I worked really hard on this y’all.
`-admin OperaNickle
    Stress. It was the root of nearly all of your problems.
    Whether it was your skin breaking out in places it never did before, or his sour mood that seemed to swing from mild discomfort to full on don’t-touch-me-or-I-will-scream, it was getting to you both.
   Currently, you were sitting on the warm beige couch that Joon had insisted on buying after you complained about the white one that the apartment had come with. You dropped your coffee all over it and painstakingly scrubbed it for hours with a resulting light brown stain.
Your hands were resting on top of one of the dark brown throw pillows you’d bought soon after, triggering his own purchase of an oversized, red orange, paisley rug to match. It was never ending. He’d purchase something, then you would equal it or outdo him.
   You had pointed out one time after he’d bought the most outrageous and expensive thing yet– a dark brown mahogany wood coffee table that looked like an old time-y trunk– that he was furnishing your apartment and that it was a waste of his money. He’d merely chuckled and commented on the sheer amount of time he had been spending at your place since you two  had become more than just friends.
  “I’m just trying to repay you for all of the food I consume when I’m here. Really, you’re the one who’s losing since you have to put up with me.”
   Still, you had made up your mind to somehow repay him for all of the things he continued to buy without your consent. He may be well off –that being an understatement– but he didn’t need to be throwing his money at you. You had a job. A fairly okay one at that. You could buy your own furnishings and feed him when he was over. Another reason for your submission to his lavish, albeit over the top, gift giving was because it had clearly been established as his love language. How could you say no to the way he expressed his feelings?
   The slam of the refrigerator door alerted you from the story you had been reading on your phone. Your fingers accidentally scrolled right and closed the chapter you were on, causing the app to suddenly glitch and close. Your heart sank.
   You frantically clicked on the app to open it and when the loading screen popped up you knew it was a lost cause. You hadn’t saved the story, nor had you memorized the title or author.
   You slumped in your seat letting out an audible groan of pure frustration. You had just been getting to the good part. The part you had started reading the story for in the first place, and just like your sanity, it was robbed at the worst time possible.
   “Damn it! Pinche iPhone de la pinche fucking madre, oh my God!”
   You let the phone drop with a ringing thud on a spot on the floor. It was slightly muffled by the fibers of the rug, but your voice was loud and shrill. From his place in the kitchen, Joon looked over. Out of the corner of your eye you could see the glare on his face shift into confusion. He leaned on the bar that stood between the living room and kitchen and took two deep, calming breaths.
   You were getting on his nerves. You could tell. It wasn’t his fault or even yours. He was constantly under a lot of pressure and recently he’d hit a rut working on one of the verses of his songs. Itt seemed to travel to everything he worked on. The melody he’d been producing that had been flowing out of him like a smooth river;  stuck. The lyrics to his next solo song that had been as easy as speaking; cut short. The rap line song that had been his idea; missing only his part now.
   The frustration and dissatisfaction had bled into his personal life. To be more specific, you. He’d been at your apartment almost daily. Something about how you usually get him to relax and therefore out of any writer’s block he’d have but now it didn’t seem to be working. On the contrary, you seemed  to be making it worse.
   It was torturous. To have him in your bed and not able to touch him or sooth him in any way was the definition of your own personal hell. He showered late at night after he got in from work on most days unless it was the weekend, in which case he showered at around nine to sleep a full eight hours or more. Then he woke up on the earlier side of the morning to try and write from the comfort of his – your – “our” couch. That usually lasted until you woke up, made some sort of breakfast that he pecked at then threw away because his lack of inspiration made “food taste bland”.
   In a way, you felt inadequate. Your sole wish in this relationship was to make his life easier and you hadn’t been able to satiate him for one single second. You had always prided yourself on being able to calm him down, and this no longer seemed to be one of your strengths.
   He even wasn’t as affectionate as usual. Now, you weren’t the kind of person to let things like this get to you. It was a dip. A problem that would eventually turn into a hill. The lower you fall the higher you rise . It was just a fact of  life…so why did you suddenly feel like you were walking on eggshells and he was throwing them at your feet?
   “Are you okay? Don’t think I’ve heard you curse like that…ever,” Namjoon said, sounding apprehensive.
   Your pulse raced as the unfinished scene raced through your mind.
   Namjoon caressed your cheek, his fingers rough from working out. His voice, deep. Gruff. Like he’d just woken up.
   “Oh baby,” he whispered in your ear. His warm breath tracing the shell. A shiver ran up your spine that he pretended not to notice.
   “Do you know how much I’ve missed you,” he kissed your earlobe, letting his tongue dart out for a split second to lav at the tender skin, “Your voice,” he kissed the shell with a slightly open mouth, “ your lips…”
  He traced your ear with his tongue, strong from all the rapping and his accurate pronunciation of every single syllable. You couldn’t help but sigh as a blush tracked up your body and settled in your cheeks.
   “Joon-“
   “Shhhh,” he whispered, still working at your ear, “just relax baby. Let me take care of you. Let me love you.”
   “Y/N,” Joon said a little louder, snapping you out of your reverie. Your breath was coming shorter, your own mind trying frantically to fill in what you hadn’t read. Did he kiss her next? Where were his hands? Still on her cheek? Was he as turned on as she was? What did he mean by “take care” of her?
   “What,” you said, trying and failing to keep the slight bite from your voice. Regret filled you instantly. It wasn’t his fault that the app was glitchy.
   His eyes widened, taken aback by your tone. Great. Now you made it worse. You must have hurt his feelings.
   “What crawled up your ass,” he asked, succeeding in keeping his tone playful and soft but it still agitated you.
    You felt a lick of fire flicked against your chest. Anger boiled in your stomach. He didn’t mean it. You knew that. Just as you hadn’t meant the snappy way you’d answered, but the monster inside of you was ready to growl.
   You bit your lip trying to keep the retort in your throat. If you snapped again, he’d just leave. He didn’t need to be here. He had a dorm and people much nicer to be around. If you wanted to be alone for the next couple of days, it would be the perfect way to do it.
   “Is it work still,” he asked again, his features softening once again in concern.
   The monster retreated as quickly as it had come. The way he seemed to search your whole body as if it could tell him without your words what was wrong was endearing.
   “Yes.”
   It wasn’t a total lie. He’d said “still” and yes, it was a part of your major frustration. Not only was your boyfriend being uncharacteristically cold but your students seemed to be trying less and less every class. It was like no one cared to learn English or to study anymore. Perhaps it was you. Maybe it was that you just weren’t as good of a teacher as you had thought.
   It had been plaguing you. Every time you walked into class, ready to inspire someone, yet they all seemed to want to run the other way.  It was always in the back of your head. What if you lost your job? You would get kicked out of South Korea for sure. You weren’t a citizen. You weren’t married to one… not even close…
   If you were sent back to the US, your parents would never let you hear the end of it. The “I told you so” s and reprimanding glares. The way they would no longer be able to brag about how brave and smart you were. It was eating away at you.
   Of course, you hadn’t told Joon all of this. His job was enough to keep him up for days without his girlfriend adding to the pile. You knew you should tell him what was really wrong, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to do it. You couldn’t tell him how crappy you’d been feeling without suddenly making the problem about you and not him and his much busier and more important life.
   It had been steadily building. The anger. The frustration. The guilt. That, coupled with Joon’s complete disdain of your touch, had your own stress going through the roof. you couldn’t even remember the last time he’d made out with you, let alone had any sort of intimate moment.
   So there you were. Frustrated. In far too many ways to count and no real way to fix it unless you wanted to do it yourself and honestly, you didn’t have enough alone time to actually try. As a result, you’d been scarfing down erotica fictions about your own boyfriend. The irony was not lost on you.
   The only problem was that now that you knew what he was like in real life, all the renditions of him were just a bit off. You found yourself rewriting the fiction as you went, trying to imagine what the real Joon would do in that situation. Some were too out there to even consider reading. Some too perverse even for you. Some were so far from the real life Namjoon that they made you laugh but this one, the one that you had been reading before your stupid phone glitched, was very close to what you would assume Namjoon would act like.
   The fake Namjoon was sweet. He was tender and called his girlfriend baby and jagi like he did to you almost exclusively in place of your name. He’d hugged her tightly and kissed her cheek multiple times softly just to remind her that he loved her.. He’d admire her hair and stared at her features as if committing them to his memory for later use. It was so purely Namjoon that it almost felt as if it was really him who had written it. Just for you. So you could have him when he was gone or unavailable. It had felt so real…
   “Too many papers to grade?”
His very much real voice jarred you once again from your thoughts. It seemed he’d been doing that a lot lately. Or maybe you were just dozing off too often.
   “Something like that,” you answered, crossing your arms over your chest. His oversized hoodie curling under your arms. You brushed a long braid over your shoulder with a satisfied grunt and let yourself slide onto the floor before you. Like his hoodie, you crumpled on the rug next to your phone which lay face down. Namjoon’s face winked up at you from one of the many photo cards of him you had and you couldn’t help but smile back at the miniscule Joon. You couldn’t help it. His smile made you smile. Too bad you hadn’t seen the real one in ages.
   Gentle footsteps resonated off the white walls. You didn’t move. Your eyes glued to the ceiling as they got closer and you let your arms fall limply to your side. His face appeared directly in your line of vision, the ghost of a dimple on his left cheek as he half smiled for what felt like the first time in years. He looked down at your unmoving form.
   “It’s got you all jelly like,” he said nudging your hip with his toes. You scrunch your nose in distaste.
   “Don’t poke me you dork,” you hissed, still not moving, having found a comfortable position.
   Namjoon rolled his eyes but sat down next to your head, his legs stretched out before him as he picked up the remote for the TV and went on Netflix. Within seconds you could hear the familiar music of your favorite franchise playing and you jerked unattractively to see.
   The coffee table was in the way.
   “Is that what I think it is,” you asked him, rolling your eyes to the back of your head to try to see him without moving.
   “Why don’t you move over so that you can see for yourself?”
    He patted his muscular thighs as an invitation. Did he want you to sit on him or lay your head on his legs?
   You straddled him. Your hands rested on his shoulders as his smile grew. He was getting hard. You could tell, but his face remained simply at ease.. As if you were the most gorgeous painting he had ever seen and his sole job was to admire you. The only signs of his arousal were his dilating pupils and the third leg in his pants.
   “Mmm,” you hummed looking back at the ceiling, “I’m kind of comfortable.”
   You heard him scoff and couldn’t help the slight smile that graced your lips at his disbelief that mingled with amusement.
   “Come on baby,” he groaned, “you’re going to turn down my thighs for the floor?”
   “I don’t want to move Namjoon,” you argued, breathing deep so that your chest rose high enough to see through the excess fabric on your body. You could sense his eyes on you. Or was that your own desire tainting your perception?
   “But… my thighs… and Harry Potter…” he whined. God, you loved it when he whined. Usually when you were being a huge brat and he turned into a puppy. It was delicious.  
   “But, the floor and my comfort,” you retorted, twitching your open fingers just for fun.
   “Jagiyaaaa,” he groaned, grabbing the hand you’d just moved. He pulled on it to get you to move closer. Your head hit the side of his leg that was mostly covered by his black shorts. The small trip had cleared your view to the TV and you smiled triumphantly.
   “Thanks Joon, now I can see,” you cackled as he let go of your hand and you turned on your side to see clearly. Professor Dumbledore had just started talking to a small cat with glasses.
               For a couple of minutes, you sat in silence and his annoyance seemed to return. Just as the floor was staring to get uncomfortable and you were regretting your stupid choice to stay on the floor and not his thighs, one of his hands dropped down onto your eyes, blocking your vision entirely.
   “Joon,” you said stiffly and you tried in vain to pry his… delectable… hands from your face.
   “You either lay on my lap and watch the movie with me, or not at all,” he joked as you continued to wrestle with his long fingers.
   “How am I supposed to get on your lap if you’re holding me down genius?”
   “Oh sorry,” he said, lifting his hand then used both of them to place your head on his right thigh. You begrudgingly settled yourself on his muscular leg, thought internally you were cheering, pulling your braids out from under your body and over his lap. Out of the corner of your eyes, you saw him looking at your hair with innocent desire.
   “Jagi,” he said running his fingers over one of the braids that nearly touched the floor over his muscles, “can I play with your hair?”
   Namjoon ran a hand through your hair, sniffing it.
   “Jagi, you smell so good…” he said as he scratched your scalp lightly, “can I play with your hair?”
   You choked on your own saliva for a second. You couldn’t swallow and you brought your hand up to cover your lips in case you coughed but the moment passed and your skin flushed as you imagined the short story again.
   “Uh…ye-yeah. Go for it.”
   Namjoon hesitated but pulled the hair ties off the ends of your hair and very slowly and tenderly began to undo the knots that made up your Dutch braids. It would be frizzy when he was done but you could always throw it up in a bun later. Besides, this was one of those things that you just absolutely adored about Namjoon.
   He liked to play with your hair. It was soothing.. When you had mentioned it to Joon once as an anecdote that you enjoyed this action, he’d taken it upon himself to do it when he was sleeping over to help you drift off faster. He’d told you that he had an affinity for grooming people and the fact that you had mentioned that you enjoyed such ministrations made him excited.
   His fingers drew small circles near the front of your head as he finished unbraiding one side of hair. Your eyes drooped as he stopped his small drawings and started to undo the other braid.
   His fingers were skilled–there was no doubt about it–in many, many, ways, but maybe this was your favorite. You sighed, letting him massage your scalp as the movie played. You let your eyes close as the feeling of his hand on your head lulled you.
   After a few blissful moments you realized you were falling asleep and you jumped up, throwing his hand off your head and nearly hitting his chin with your skull.
   Joon’s eyes widened with surprise and confusion as he waited for an explanation. You smiled at the man before you cleared your throat and spoke.
   “I was falling asleep.”
   Namjoon relaxed his shoulder. He had been scared he’d done something wrong,
   “That’s okay baby. I just want you to relax,” he said, pushing your head towards his lap again but you pulled his hand away and straddled his lap before stretching your legs behind him and hooking your ankles together.
   “What are you doing,” he asked, his breath hitching as you rested your hands on his chest. You leaned into him slowly and rubbed your nose on his before nuzzling against his cheek.
   “It’s not fair that I’m the only one relaxing,” you answered, bringing his hand back up to your head and he sighed, tangling his fingers once again. You did the same, running your hand from the nape of his neck and up to his scalp.
   He let out a slow breath when you clutched at the strands and buried your head in his neck, running your lips over the skin there.
   He had a sensitive neck. Whether it was sensually or just on the daily, he loved neck kisses. So you delivered without complaint.
   As you pressed your lips softly on his pulse you couldn’t help but feel elated. Finally. He was letting you help. Finally, he was holding you like he used to. You couldn’t bring yourself to ask “why” as you usually would. You were too scared to shatter the moment. If all you got from him were caresses in your hair and all you got to give were kisses on his neck, then it would all be worth it.
   One of his hands began to draw on your mid to lower back and you couldn’t help but curl around his body. Tighter. Closer. If you could suddenly melt into him and become one, you would do it  in a heartbeat. But this was enough. For now.
   You lightly bit his neck in a couple of different places, letting your tongue lick small stripes in the same place before kissing the saliva away.  His breath deepened further. His hold on your body tightened as well, like he was trying to pull you into him. Both of his hands were splayed out on your torso. His fingers dig into the fabric of his hoodie on your body and his head lulled to the side so you could have better access.
   Elation filled you to the brim. To have him so pliant under your touch was all you could ask for. Him letting you take care of him; that’s all you wanted.
   You used the hand that had a grip on his hair to maneuver his head to meet your mouth.  You kissed up the tendon in his neck slowly, taking your time to appreciate his smooth skin.
   “Oh baby,” he groaned. His mouth was so close to your ear that his breath grazed the shell. A shiver ran up your spine as you kissed his jaw. You struggled to keep yourself present. It was about him. Not about you.
   “Jagiya,” he husked trying to move his head to try to kiss you. You held him firmly in place.
   He groaned again, this time in frustration. He wasn’t used to you taking control. It was always him who took the reins but the last thing he needed at this moment was to take care of you.
   “It’s okay baby,” you mumbled against his sideburns, “just let me take care of you.”
   You planted a soft kiss on his ear. You felt his body convulse. His legs began to fidget under your body. His hips bucked and his hands grasped at your waist as if to still you. It was too late. You could feel his arousal. Slowly, he was hardening as you continued to kiss and suck at his golden skin.
   “Wait wait,” he said, ripping you from his jugular and holding you at arms length. His breath was heavy, almost as if he had been running.  His pupils were dilated and his skin was flushed from his neck to the tips of his ears.
   Sinful. This picture of your boyfriend clearly turned on by the simplest stroke of your lips and fingers, was sinful. And Lord were you a sinner.
   You bit your lip, keeping a growl from ripping from your mouth. You could lose control. Maybe you were the one who was riled up. Your pulse thumped against your neck, your chest… your panties… it’s been too long. Much too long for your liking.
   “Wait for what,” you complained, clenching and unclenching your fingers in his lush locks. You ground your hips once down , pushing into his lap to create friction. He grunted, squeezing your waist to stop you from moving, but you wiggled and squirmed in his grasp managing to get a couple more strokes against his rapidly hardening erection.
   “Hold on,” he spat through gritted teeth, pushing you back and off his lap. The heat in your body seemed to pulsate in your veins as you watched him trying to catch his breath. His shorts were tented. His muscles flexed as if he was trying to stop his body’s reaction, his eyes lidded and his head heavy on his shoulders.
   You couldn’t understand why he had stopped you. He seemed to want it as much or maybe even a little more than you did.
   Suddenly, fear gripped you like a vice. The heat drained and in that moment, you felt stupid. How could you throw yourself at him like that? He’d asked you to stop and yet here you were pushing.
   You pushed yourself away from him a little more and hugged your legs to your chest and placed your forehead on your knees. Tears sprung into your eyes. You tried to keep them quiet but it was hard to breathe. Emotion consumed you. Just because his body reacted did not mean that he wanted what you did.
   Guilt flooded your head like a fog as you felt your body begin to shake. Maybe he just didn’t want you anymore. Maybe… maybe the couple of months that the two of you had as more than friends were enough for him. Maybe he realized that you were better as friends. That would explain his lack of affection. His lack of interest. That would explain his rut.
   “Whoa whoa, Y/N, what’s wrong? Why are you crying,” you heard his voice ask. His hand patting your head to try to get you to look up. You could feel your hair fanned around your arms and were grateful for the extra cover. You hated crying in front of people and he was no exception. In fact, you hated it even more.
   When you gave no answer, you felt him shift closer. He pulled your hair back into a makeshift ponytail . Air hit your burning cheeks but you refused to look at him.
   “Oh baby what did I do,” he asked but it didn’t seem aimed at you. You felt him press his own forehead to the back of your head. He nuzzled into your now frizzy hair and placed a gentle kiss. you felt your shoulder shake as you struggled to breathe.
   A sob escaped your lips and like a dam, it burst forward. It was ugly, to say the least. You hadn’t realized how much emotion you had been holding back. Hadn’t realized how bottled up you had been. Now you were paying for it.
   How embarrassing.
   “Y/N no,” he said, pulling at your legs and replacing them with this body. He wrapped his arms around your torso and settled your arms onto his shoulders. He cradled your head against his neck and kept his hand on the nape of your neck
   “Shhh baby it’s okay… it’s all going to be okay. Just tell me what I did. I’m so sorry…”
     How had you gotten here? How did you end up on the floor of your apartment with tears in your eyes when all you wanted was to kiss his stress away?
   You sat together like this for what felt like forever. Eventually, he pulled you back onto his lap. You assumed because it was more comfortable for hi than squatting on his knees.
   He didn’t ask again what it was that he did. He didn’t question the tears. Instead, he stroked your hair and kissed your cheeks while you calmed down. You felt guilty. You owed him an explanation but you could feel it in your bones that you wouldn’t be able to speak if you tried.
   Finally, you were able to breathe normally but you stayed in his arms for a couple seconds more in case he pushed you off again after he realized that you were feeling ok.
   You slowly pulled your head from his neck and searched around on the floor for one of the hair ties that he’d pulled from your hair earlier. There was one near your phone.
   You quickly tied your hair up and away from your tear stained face, letting the cool air conditioning hit your skin. Joon watched you, waiting on bated breath, but you didn’t want to talk.
   You let your hands rest on your own thighs as his hoodie sleeves covered your hands entirely. You must have looked pitiful. Hopefully you weren’t too red and puffy.
   You couldn’t bring yourself to get off of him so you simply sat waiting for him to break the silence. Maybe he had the same idea because he didn’t speak either. He let his hands fall to your hips and pressed softly into the flesh soothingly.
   You took a shaky breath trying to give yourself courage but- thank God- Joon beat you to it.
   “Baby… are you upset because I pushed you away? I just needed a second to cal down.”
          Baby? Would he still call you baby if he didn’t want to date you? Maybe he didn’t know how to end it and so he was trying to keep you from finding out that he wasn’t feeling it anymore. Baby. you remember when he first called you baby and even though it hadn’t been your favorite name to be called from previous lovers, when it had come from his lips, from his heart…it was different. It was praise. It made you feel warm and like you were glowing. Yet, this time, it was like he’d stabbed you with a heated knife somewhere below your ribcage.
          “If you don’t want me anymore you should just tell me,” your mouth said. Your voice sounded foreign. As if it had come from someone else. What you said surprised you almost as much as it surprised him. His eyes widened and searched your face.
          “Not-not want you,” he stuttered, a laugh barely concealed in his surprise, “are you kidding?”
          Ignoring your fear at how you appeared after your pity party, you snapped your head up to look at him. A small smile rested on his lips and the deeper of his dimples showed slightly. While there was worry behind his gaze, there was another emotion, deep within the brown of his eyes. It was mirth. He thought this was funny.
          “Namjoon,” you raised your voice, trying to keep your own smile at bay. You swatted at his arms and he feigned hurt.
          “What,” he yelled letting uncharacteristically dashing chuckles escape his lips, “You can’t expect me to think you’re being serious.”
          “I am being serious-“
          “Ahahaha,” his loud and somewhat funny laugh was back and with it your own smile. It felt like you hadn’t heard it in so long. Sure, he laughed when he was on run episodes or when he was with the boys but it seemed like around you, he was always down. It was nice to have him laughing even if it was at you.
          “Joon! Stop laughing, I’m not kidding!”
          He laughed even harder at that. His laugh reached a level of loudness that made your ears ring but you didn’t care. He looked happier than he had in weeks. You couldn’t help but chuckle along as he laughed until they subsided into snickers. All the while you continuously poked and pushed at his shoulders playfully.
          When he was finally composed enough to make direct eye contact, he cleared his throat and widened his pretty eyes at you as he tended to do after he heard a good joke. His smile was glued to his face as he rubbed circles into the hoodie.
          “Do you really think,” he couldn’t help but cough as he tried to stop another fit of laughter from escaping, “that I would ever, and I mean ever,” he paused, his fingers slipping down almost deafly to the hem of the hoodie you were wearing, “not want you?”
          You blinked at him as his eyes glittered, darkening impossibly so. It was like a switch was flicked and the small amount of lust that you’d seen before was back. Nimble fingers found their way under the oversized fabric on your body. His touch was slightly cold to the skin on your stomach. It sharply contrasted the heat that seemed to rush into your cheeks and your ears.
          “Well,” you managed with little to no effort, “it’s been weeks since I’ve so much as kissed you…” His index finger had found the lace of the bralette you were wearing. His thumb hooked under the soft edge and tugged at it slightly. Distracting. He was so distracting.
          “So-so I thought maybe it was something I had done,” you said in one breath as his thumb dug a little higher under the elastic that clung to your ribs to keep your breasts in place. Just in the nick of time too. Had he done it just one second earlier, you would have probably become mute for once in your life. A feat only Namjoon could achieve.
          “That’s on me,” he said suddenly halting his progressing fingers, his shoulders sagging, “I’m sorry I’ve been so distant lately.”
Namjoon rested his forehead on yours. His eyes shut tight as his apology fell from his pink lips.
          He stroked the section of skin under the pad of his thumb, the tip just barely brushing the underside of your breast. You felt a wave of heat rush through your body. Was it getting hot? Should you close the curtains?
          “I’ve just been stressed and I didn’t want to blow up on you. At the same time, well… I miss you and I feel the most comfortable around you. I don’t ever feel like I have to pretend that I’m alright. I didn’t mean to make you feel unappreciated.”
          When had his other hand found your bare waist? Had his voice distracted you? When had the rest of his fingers ended up under the soft lace of the bralette? Had his thumb traveled further?
         “I didn’t mean to…deprive you,” He whispered, forcing you forward to catch his low words. In hindsight, it was a trap. That’s exactly what he wanted but could you fight him when he sounded so delicious?
          Your thoughts were cut short when his hand on your chest shifted completely, cupping and gently squeezing. Your eyes widened, mouth dropping open in surprise. He gave another firm squeeze as his eyes squinted cutely, his high pitched giggle returning, like music to your ears as he leaned even closer and bumped his nose against yours.
          “Kim Namjoon,” you gasped but it was eaten up as he quickly connected his lips to yours in a spurt of short, chaste kisses that had you chasing after him. Frustration flooded your veins as he continued to pull away, leaving you wanting more and more the more he gave.
          Finally, having had enough, you grabbed his head with both of your hands and tilted it up slightly so you could kiss him properly. Forcing him to slow down. He would be in control soon enough. You should enjoy the power you had while you could.
          You forced your lips onto his. The kiss was soft, slow, passionate. He melted into it. He always did like when you took a hold of him in some way or another. Sinful, beautiful noises escaped his lips. His small moans seemed  to absorb into your pores. In turn you couldn’t help but answer each and every one of them. He nibbled on your bottom lip for a second, an action that you couldn’t get enough of and he knew, then went right back to sucking on your upper lip.
          “Fuck,” you could feel the arousal in your throat. He made you lose yourself. He made you forget where you were, who you were.
          “That’s right baby girl,” he groaned into your mouth as you licked his lips, “that’s exactly what I’m going to do to you.”
          You moaned. It was embarrassing how easily you could come undone under his ministrations. If you could kiss him for eons, you would. His lips were your favorite bit of him. He was so. Fucking. Good.
          “Baby please,” you groaned pulling at his lip with your teeth, “I want you…”
          “Shit,” he said, a gurgle of want bubbling from his throat. You shifted, trying to remind him of his hands on your body but what it did instead was remind you of another part of him that seemed almost as excited as you were.
          “Jagi,” he hissed, shifting his hips to get the same friction you’d just created, “do that again.”
          You pulled your lips from his, a thin strand of saliva connecting you. In any other situation, this would be gross, but in that instant, it only spurred you on more.
          “Yes sir,” you joked, winking at him as you rolled your hips against his half hard erection. A melody of noises fell from his blessed tongue. Lust was over taking you. Your eyelids became heavy. Your breath, shallow and hard.
          “You know that’s not what I want you to call me,” he hissed at you, his fingers on your chest picking at the nipple that had hardened at some point while you made out. You sighed, your tongue darting out to wet your parched lips but you knew that the thirst you were feeling could not be quenched this way.
          “Say my name,” he growled, twisting his finger and pulling at the sensitive skin. You were panting now, slowing your movements on his lap to enjoy his cares.
          You whimpered, pushing your chest into his hand, arching your back as you struggled to draw any breath.
          “Come on baby girl,” he pressed, his lips brushing against your neck. When had he gotten to your neck?
          “Just once,” he begged but you knew he wasn’t asking.
          “Make me ,” you gasped as he bit and sucked at your pulse. A smile tugged at your lips as you felt him stop and tense.
          He pulled his lips from your neck, a lewd squelch resonating in the empty apartment as he brought his eyes level with you. He withdrew his hand as well without even a warning and you whined, thought you knew this would happen as soon as you started to fight him. It was worth it though. You knew he always worked better under a little pressure.
          “Just what I needed to hear.”
          He shifted under you, locking your ankles behind his back. He then locked your hands behind his neck. You weren’t stupid. You could see where this was going. Now, Namjoon was obviously very smart. It was  obvious. But sometimes, on most occasions, he lacked the common sense to make proper choices.
          This was one of those times.
          “Hold on tight baby,” he winked, kissing your lips once more before pushing himself up by doing a bench dip with his knees bent. Namjoon had a lot of thigh and arm muscle. This much was true, but was he used to lifting both his body weight and your own? No.
          So when he started to shake under the joined pressure, it wasn’t a surprise. You would have laughed but Lord were you scared that he would fall, or drop you or hurt himself. Instead, you struggled to decide if you should be holding onto him for dear life or if you should fling yourself off him to avoid any major injury to either of you.
          The decision was taken from you as his left arm bent at a slightly awkward angle and his balance was thrown. Instinctively, you let go of him to brace yourself as the swooping sensation of falling gripped you with fear.
          You couldn’t tell exactly how it happened. Your eyes fell shut as you landed heavily on your side. Your elbow hitting first as you reached out to stop your momentum.
          “Ow,” you couldn’t help but groan as sharp pain shot through your arm. You heard Namjoon gasp near you but all you could see was stars. You began to giggle uncontrollably as tears streamed down your face.
          “Oh your God, Y/N are you alright,” he said, sitting you up with his strong arms. You couldn’t stop laughing. You’d hit your damn funny bone and in all honesty, this was a funny situation. Sex with Namjoon was nothing if not eventful and filled with awkward mishaps.
          “I’m fine,” you said through laughter, “i just hit my elbow.”
          You blinked away the tears in your lashes, looking up at the dope of a man that you were in love with. Worry was evident on his brows. He looked you over before taking your arm in his hand and examining the red mark where you had landed.
          “Does it hurt a lot? Do you think it’s broken,” he asked, touching it lightly but no pain was felt on your end. Perhaps it was the adrenaline, or maybe it was the fact that nothing, and you meant nothing- could stop you from taking this man in this very instant, but you couldn’t care less if your arm was broken. Hell, it could have been hanging off by a thread and you’d still want to have a quickie before we went to emergency care.
          Could you blame yourself? The man was gorgeous.
          This was, in fact, what you were focusing on at the moment. The way that his hair fell into his dark eyes. The way his jaw contrasted with his round cheeks. How his lips were slightly parted as he examined your arm with utmost delicacy. His shoulders. His neck. The veins in his muscular arms. His long… nimble…fingers…
          “Joon,” you snapped a bit harsher than you had meant to. His eyes shot up to meet yours, confused and shocked.
          “Did I hurt you…” he averted his eyes shyly, “More?”
          “Oh honey no,” you laughed, though this time you cut yourself off as you caught a glimpse of his hardening member under the loose shorts he was sporting, “I’m hoping you might though.”
          You weren’t much into pain and Namjoon knew this very well, but these words were enough to pull him back at what was at stake. You.
          “Are you sure,” he asked one last time, fighting with his own concern and sky rocketing arousal.
          “Very sure,” you said, pushing yourself up to your knees to kiss his cheek then ducking your head to kiss his neck.
          A shiver ran down his whole body. His eyes closed and squinted. His bulge twitched slightly and you couldn’t stop the smirk on your face. You reached out and ran a single finger over the tented area, drawing little circles as you worked your way to the tip.
          “Oh fuck,” he whispered gruffly wrapping his fingers around your wrist and pulling it away from his body. You giggled as he let his eyes fall open, a chastising spark in his pupils. Oh you were so going to get it.
          “Close the curtains,” he commanded and you shrugged, standing quickly and nearly yanking the curtains from the hinges.
          “Done. Now what?”
          “You seem a little eager to please,” He chuckled, standing from his place on the floor carefully. It must have been painful. He looked even harder now.
          “I always am. You know I’m a people pleaser.”
          He rolled his eyes but nodded at the stairs by your kitchen and with an excited hop, you ran towards them. Joon chased you, playfully swatting at your hips and behind every couple of steps. Your long hair bobbed with every step and your shoulders shook with every giggle. You tried to jump away from him but only half-heartedly. In truth, you loved his hands on your butt and you weren’t going to pass up some playful spanks.
          When you made it to the landing, you turned around. Namjoon was slightly shorter than usual due to him being one step behind you, so you took advantage, throwing your arms around his neck as he took the last step. As if he was on the same wavelength, he reached down, grabbing at your thighs and settling them around his hip.
          You giggled again, excitement and something a little purer flooded your system. His lips met yours unceremoniously, nipping and sucking light heartedly while you smiled into him. The scent of something flowery hit your nose and you realized he must have used some of his Chanel number five lotion. It strangely suited him well.
          Finally, you reached your bed. He climbed on carefully, setting you on your back. He pulled away and blinked at you. Your stomach fluttered at his expression. There was a softness on his features that you never saw with anyone else. A love that you couldn’t quite describe but couldn’t ignore.
          He let go of your leg to stroke at your cheek with the back of his hand. Pure, undeniable warmth surged through you at his touch. Your smiles match in intensity and adoration. It was weird. Maybe no one could understand it. How intimate sex truly was to you. Especially with the reputation that your boyfriend had of being a sexual deviant, but the truth was that while he was naturally very attracted to the human body, sex had a special meaning to him. It wasn’t something that he gave away easily. It was an expression of his trust and love. It was nearly never self-serving, and almost always to focus on you and your needs. He was a giver, contrary to popular belief.
          You buried your hand in his hair and pulled him to your lips, savoring the taste of strawberry Chapstick as if it would be the last time that you could ever do so. Not even for a breath of air did you pull away as he hooked his thumbs over the edge of the hoodie and slowly began to bunch it up around your chest.
          Cool air hit your warming skin, his touch only furthering the experience. Every nerve in your torso was in flames, the pulse between your legs growing stronger by the second. Like it was yelling at you to give it the attention it searched for. Namjoon angled his pelvis up so you could feel his own pulse against your own. His member twitched as he shifted his hips from side to side ever so slight, your legs still wrapped tightly around him. You couldn’t stand the thought of him being any farther from you than a couple of centimeters.
          Just as the thought crossed your mind, he pulled away from the kiss, his hands both at the lace edge of your bra now. His gaze darkened as you whined, chasing his sweet lips but he kept himself out of reach with a pleased smirk.
          “Joonie,” you groaned trying to pull his head back to you but he only rolled his eyes before prying a hand from his hair almost reluctantly, entwining his fingers with yours and kissing the back of your hand softly. He smiled and placed it over his chest, where you could feel his speeding heart. It pounded against his ribs at the same speed as your own. In sync, in one harmonious song.
          You relaxed a bit at the gesture. His heartbeat always had that effect and he never failed to use it to control you in the sweetest way possible. Your chest rose and fell dramatically as he memorized your features.
          “Can this come off,” he asked, tugging once more at the fabric of the sweater you stole. You smiled at him knowingly and nodded.
          “If you take it back after we’re done, I’m going to be upset,” you half joked as he placed tiny pecks on each knuckle and one last kiss on the back of your hand before he dropped it next to your head and took the hem of the hoodie with both hands.
          “Hands over your head,” he said, the slightest bit of authority in his command. Obediently, or maybe it was because you were so keen to please, you shimmed your hands over your ponytail and arched your back to make it easier for him to pull it off.
          He was cautious not to get it stuck on your ears, or to pull on your hair. Too many times had he accidentally snagged an article of clothing on an earring or accidentally tangled your hair into the fabric. He’d learned that lesson, as he more than likely learned not to try to stand up with you in his lap earlier.
          Once you were free of the fabric, he balled it up, smirked at you, then tossed it over to a pile of stuffed animals that you had set up on a small table. You had one from each tour he had gone to from every country they visited. In case you missed him he’d send you one from wherever he was so you could imagine being with him. It was such a sweet thought and a tradition you looked forward to.
          Namjoon kissed your nose faintly, bringing your attention back to him. You gave him a tight-lipped smile, his hands not dilly dallying any further. Instead he rested them directly on top of your breasts, squeezing, just enough to remind you what you were doing. What you were craving.
          “ Y/N,” he groaned, looking at the way his hands engulfed the hills on your chest. It was a reminder. You didn’t have huge breasts but neither were they tiny, and the way that his hands seemed to be the perfect size to hold each, only served to recap how big his pretty hands were.
          “I love you in lace,” he gasped, thrusting his hips against the heart of your femininity. You choked on a moan. He was so stiff, and the combined warmth of your bodies seemed to radiate into the air.
          “You’re blushing, beautiful,” He said against your neck. There was no denying it. Not only could he clearly see the tint of red on your skin, but he could also feel it against his lips.
          “Shut up,” you complained, twirling a strand of hair between your fingers as he nibbled on your burning skin. He  let a hand trace up to your chin. His thumb parting your swollen lips and pressing against your tongue. He wasn’t fond of you telling him what to do.
          “It’s pretty, baby,” he kissed a hickey into your neck loudly, “You know I love it when your skin flushes under my touch.”
          There was a hidden question in this statement. He was asking you if this is what you wanted out of this encounter. To turn pink under his hand. It wasn’t new. He’d done it to you on many an occasion and it was as enjoyable to you as it was to him.
          “You know I like it too,” you said shyly, glad that he couldn’t see how much blood rushed to your cheeks at the thought of what could happen next.
          His manhood twitched against your core, his breath hitched. He could read you like a book, or maybe he had you memorized. Either way, he pulled your legs from his body and pulled you to sit up. In a matter of seconds he had pushed you to the edge of the bed, stood you up and sat you on his toned thighs. Confusion clouded your mind. The other times that something of this sort happened in the bed room, you were across his lap not on it. In all honesty, you weren’t sure how this would work with the way he had positioned you.
          Namjoon was a man with a plan. He wasted no time in scooting you back until his shoulders were pressed against the wall.
          “Joon, what are you-“
          “Lay down,” he said, pushing you forward as he parted his legs. Your head facing towards his feet, your face in the comforter. You put your arms under your head to support yourself as Namjoon pulled your legs around his hips once more.
          That’s when it became all clear. Before you could process what was happening, he tugged at your leggings, pulling them down to about your midthigh. Cool air hit your behind and you couldn’t help the shiver that traveled up your spine.
          “Pink panties ,” he whispered so hoarsely that it was almost unintelligible, “My favorite color on you, did you wear this for me?”
   You took a deep breath, forcing courage into yourself before you said, “No, it’s for my other boyfriend .”
         He stiffened at the sarcasm but quickly relaxed knowing that you were just trying to rile him up. One, slender finger drew a small heart on your right butt cheek. You could almost hear his smile as he inhaled. His brain whirling with possibility.
          “Cheeky,” he joked, patting the spot he’d just traced on. The sound of skin on skin making your mind blurry with desire.
          You snorted, because, come on. That’s a good joke and he chuckled.
          “You know what happens when my baby gets mouthy…don’t you baby?”
          You hummed, loving your little banter. It was lucky that your face was firmly between your arms or maybe he’d see your mind working to sass him.
          “I don’t think that was mouthy,” you shrugged. His index finger found its way under the elastic of the panties on your body. You licked your lips in anticipation but nothing happened. Disappointment began to settle in right before you felt him tug it up then without warning, released it.
          The sharp snap of pain panged through the skin on your butt and lower back. You hissed as he pushed into the place the elastic dug. It was a start. A damn good one at that.
          “Maybe not, but I get to be the judge of that,” he said plucking the elastic up on the opposite side of your hip, “and I think that you’re mouthy.”
          Snap.  
           You groaned but adrenaline had started to kick in and arousal was pooling between your legs.
          “Turn me around,” you mumbled, enjoying the sting against your skin as he pressed into the area your underwear hit, “I’ll show you just how mouthy I can be.”
          “Fuck,” he spat, smacking your right butt cheek and yanking your hair just for his own added pleasure. The noise resonated in the large, partially empty, apartment. A gasp escaped your lips.
          “Maybe later,” he reasoned, hitting the left one this time a little harder than the last, “first, i want to see my handprint on your ass.”
          Two more fast slaps to your right cheek followed by one to your left. You clenched around nothing feeling the burn start to take over. His hand delivered delicious blows each time.
          “What-“ spank, “happened to-“ spank, spank, “pink?”
          “I’ve decided that you deserve more than just pink. What with that filthy mouth of yours.”
          “Filthy,” you mock gasped as he slapped one side multiple times quickly. So quickly, you couldn’t even count and your skin was starting to get numb.
          “You didn’t seem to have a problem with my mouth last time it was around your-” three more slaps and then a snap of the elastic of your underwear was enough to shut you up. A moan gurgled into your mouth that you barely held back. Namjoon rubbed the sting into the panging skin. His finger now felt cold against you and you knew you must be peachy at the very least. Cherry red at the worst. Judging by his giggle, you were somewhere in between.
          “Don’t laugh at me, you jerk,” you groaned, feeling your face flush as he ran a finger over your clothed slits. You shuddered in anticipation.
          “I love how you react to the simplest touches,” he mumbled, running his finger over and over the damp underwear, “You’re a little wet baby.”
          You could tell he wanted you to say something but you couldn’t bring yourself to voice a single thing. When you said nothing he continued.
          “Maybe we should get rid of these,” he slipped a finger under the side for a second, before pulling it out and grabbing your hips.
          “Or maybe,” he shifted himself pushing his manhood against your center, “we could just push these aside…”
          He pulled you back onto him, the friction heavenly to you both. A sinful, melodious moan left his lips. He was getting desperate but if you knew your boyfriend, he could draw this out for much, much longer and you…you were in no rush.
          “Or maybe,” you countered pushing yourself up and away from the bed sheets, “you could put my ‘filthy’ mouth to some use,” you threw a cautious look over your shoulder only to see his mouth hanging open in surprise and his fluffy cheeks flushing a pale pink.
          “What’s wrong baby,” you asked with a smirk looking down at your touching centers then back at his eyes, your lip between your teeth, “cat got your tongue?”
          His eyes sparkled as he looked between you where you connected through fabric. You could almost see him salivate. You’d heard of this before your relationship with Namjoon. You’d heard of men loving to please a woman. You had heard of the way some men drooled at the thought but never had you experienced it. That is, unti the first time Namjoon disrobed you and he’d licked his lips and buried his face between your legs.
          And here it was again. That look. Feral. Primal. Thirsty. It was, so absolutely sexy. But this was not what you had in mind.
          In an instant, Namjoon rolled you off of him, shifting himself on his hands and knees. You adjusted yourself against the pillows of the bed, your chest heaving as he tore his shirt from his body as if it was burning him. He threw it on the floor next to the bed then turned his attention back to you, “Take it off.”
          “Take what off,” you asked genuinely not sure but his quirked eyebrow made you swallow the little saliva in your mouth and strip your bralette and underwear in a matter of seconds. You weren’t in the mood to be deprived of an orgasm after a couple of weeks hiatus.
          You propped yourself up a bit higher, your legs squeezed shut in slight embarrassment. You crossed your arms under and slightly over your breasts to cover your pert nipples. It had been a while, and it kind of felt like it was the first time he’d seen you naked even though, in the back of your mind, you knew he’d seen it plenty before.
          Namjoon’s chest rippled in the dim light, his arms, so toned and silky, flexed as he held himself up, devouring every inch of skin he could see. His tongue darted out to lick his plush lips. A shock of thrill went directly to your core. You had memories of that tongue in other places.
          “i’ve missed you baby girl,” he said, grabbing your ankles and pushing them apart so he could take a look at what lay in between. When his eyes landed on your slit, it was like he’d been sedated. His shoulders relaxed, his jaw slacked and his elbows buckled slightly.
          “Finally,” he grumbled, jumping at your body. He kissed your lips passionately, ripping your arms from your chest and entwining his fingers with yours to pin them to the bed on either side of you. You spread your legs even wider to accommodate his torso.
          He pressed his hips into your sex. The texture fabric of his shorts rubbed up against the little nub that was begging to be touched.
          You moaned into the kiss as his tongue found its way into your mouth. You were hot. So hot. You were burning up. Maybe it was the way that you could feel his erection so firmly between your legs. You couldn’t tell. But you were so freaking hot.
          “Fuck baby,” he groaned against your chin, kissing down your neck sloppily. Trails of saliva  followed as he made it to your chest. He wasted no time in taking one of your eagerly awaiting nipples in his mouth. He lightly nibbled and sucked on the sensitive flesh. His tongue was weirdly talented, even though he hadn’t had many girlfriends before you.
           You usually attributed it to his rapping skills as he had so eloquently put it one time when you, in the heat of the moment, asked him how he could possibly be this good.
          “You’ve heard of what guitarists can do with their hands? This is what rappers do with their tongues.”
          He pulled away from your chest, kissed the nipple, before he blew on it just a tiny bit. He drove you crazy and he knew it. Your eyes rolled into your head. God, you missed him.
          “Joon…if you don’t touch me, I swear-”
          “Baby,” he cut you off again, “I think it’s been too long. You’re forgetting who,” you looked down as his hands grabbed onto the inside of your thighs, “is in charge.”
          You opened your mouth to protest but his own mouth dove right into the folds between your legs kissing with an open mouth and you shut your lips instantly.
          “Fuck,” you said, trying to close your legs but his strong arms kept you open, vulnerable before him.
He lapped at your clitoris with just the very tip of his tongue. He drew shapes and letters. He must have spelled words even, in hangul by the way that his tongue was moving and you just lay there, shivering under his touch.. He really was a talented rapper if what he was doing was any indication.
          He mumbled something against your core, and it sent a vibration of pure delight through your body. You clenched around nothing and let a whine escape your lips. This was not supposed to be about you, but were you a horrible person for suddenly not caring?
          “Wh-what,” you asked, as waves of pleasure surged through your body, his plush lips clamping around the little nub between your legs and sucking gently.
          He withdrew his lips with a lewd squelch and you wrinkled your nose at it. Disappointment surged through you before his voice did.
          “I said,” he licked a long, wide stripe from bottom to top, his eyes firmly on your shocked and blissed out face, “so good.”
          You had no words. You floundered for any semblance of coherent sounds but nothing came to mind. How did sentences work again? Did your voice come from your lips?
          You bit the corner of your bottom lip as he gently kissed around your labia. He let go of your thighs, and used his index finger and thumb on both hands to spread you open. His eyes were greedy, excited. It was like someone had offered him some cotton candy or made him some of that expensive drip coffee he liked. He looked, hungry.
          Without your response, he once again kissed the now very visible and pulsating nub that was filled with blood from arousal. The sensation made your shoulders both relax and tense at the same time. Noticing your reaction, he chuckled, and stuck his tongue out sharply. Without hesitation, he licked back and forward a couple of times. Your legs shook and you had the instinct to clamp them closed but you forced yourself to keep them apart and bent.
          Within seconds, you felt your climax nearing. After a few rounds in this same position, he’d figured out exactly what to do to make you finish. You could still remember telling him when he had first suggested trying this particular act that no one had ever made you finish from just eating you out and not to feel bad if you didn’t climax, but he was determined and after a first time “failure”  -which was relative because what he had done felt great but he felt it wasn’t a success until you came- he set himself to research and was eventually, the first man to make you come in this way.
          It was safe to say that it had gone to his pretty little head. Maybe this was why he liked to do this so much. It was something purely his. Something he could proudly call himself a pioneer of and he was so damn good at it.
          “Joonie,” you whimpered, pulling on his hair tightly so he would slow down, but it was like he knew, and he probably did know, that you were close.
          He doubled his efforts, holding you apart, vulnerable to his talented tongue. You threw your head back. The pleasure was almost too much. Too powerful. The thought that it was Namjoon between your legs making you see stars was almost enough to push you over the edge.
          “Come on gorgeous. i know you want to cum,” he mumbled quickly, going back to the motion he had before with a slight bit more pressure.
          Maybe it was because he pointed it out, or maybe it was because you really were needy, but you did. You felt your body tense almost to the point of discomfort then like a dam filled with water, the pleasure burst, leaving you moaning his name as he lapped at the wetness that still coated your womanhood.
          “Namjoon please oh God,” you whined, trying to pull him off but he wasn’t slowing down.
          Overstimulation was quickly taking over. Your body shivered violently. This time, your legs did snap closed on his head but he didn’t seem to care. He let go of your labia and pried your thighs apart, sucking your clitoris into his mouth harshly.
          Tiny whimpers escaped your lips. It was like you were watching it happen rather than having it done to you. You couldn’t think. Your body acted of its own accord, reacting to every lick and slurp of your boyfriend’s perfect mouth as if on autopilot.
          “Namjoon, it’s too much ,” you begged but he only chuckled and brought a hand closer to your center.
          “I can’t have my sexy girlfriend thinking that I don’t want her anymore,” he said against your skin, “gotta show you how much I need you, baby girl.”
          You gasped, as a finger circled your entrance. The pads of his fingers were a little rough and the texture felt amazing against your sensitive middle. Without warning, he dipped the finger in. You were so wet at that point that his finger met no resistance and he instantly plunged a second finger after it.
          As if he had been trained his whole life for pleasing just you, he found your g-spot near instantly. A small scream of gratification left your swollen lips as he pressed against it over and over and over.
          It wasn’t long before you were at the edge again. Delirious. Desperate for release once more. The pain of over stimulation, long gone and replaced by hyper awareness and desire.
          “I think I’m going to-“
          Stolen from your lips were the words as you clenched around his finger and twitched under his touch. This time, he helped you ride it until goosebumps decorated your skin and when you tugged at his hair once more, he withdrew his head and his hand from your abused core.
          It was a couple of minutes before you were able to properly breathe. Your chest heaved. You could have just ran a mile in six minutes flat with the exhaustion that filled your bones to the brim. When you could finally think clearly, you pushed yourself up and looked for your boyfriend.
          He was waiting patiently on his knees between your own. His face, from his nose to his chin, glistened with the wetness that could only come from between your legs. His chest was bare, and a light sheen of sweat seemed to coat it. He too was breathing heavily but you could tell buy a single glance at his shorts, that he was nowhere near done.
          “Nam-mjoon,” you said, your voice wavering, earning you a giggle from the cute boy before you, “I was  supposed to suck you off. Not have you eat me out…”
          Your arms felt heavy as well as your legs. If you let yourself, you could fall asleep right then but you forced the tiredness away as you looked at Namjoon’s puppy eyes.
          “Do you want me to,” you asked, bracing yourself for his answer. This might be the worst blow job you ever give but if he wanted your lips around him, you would happily oblige.
          “Y/N, you look like you could fall over at any second. i think having you fall asleep around your co-“
          “Joon!”
          He rolled his eyes at your outburst. you always felt a bit strange about him being vulgar when it came to certain body parts but he usually ignored your please and said what he wanted. Today was no different.
          “…cock…would be a blow to my confidence not to my dick.”
          You giggled at his joke and sat up a little straighter. Usually, you would fight him. you hated not reciprocating and especially now that it had been so long since you had a proper night together but there was a real possibility that you could hurt him so you didn’t push on the blow job and made a mental note to award him one at a later date.
          “Okay, fine…but can we at least…” you paused, feeling a blush rush to your cheeks at what you were going to ask.
          “At least?”
          “Don’t make you say it,” you begged, getting on your hands and knees and crawling over to sit on his still, annoyingly clothed lap.
          He helped you settle on his legs and held onto your thighs to keep you close. you could feel his erection as hard as ever. It must be painful at this point. You ground your hips just once and he winced. Yeah, he was far too gone.
          You reached up to his lips and wiped some of your own slick from his skin with your thumb. You felt a bit bad at how covered he was. You wiped the thumb on his shorts at which he frowned before you reached up and kissed him softly. The taste of you on his lips was strange. You could never really tell how you felt about it but if one thing was for sure, you were lucky to have such a wonderful boyfriend.
          You managed to lick and kiss most of the moisture from his mouth before he spoke again.
          “Can I make love to you?”
          You blinked up at him, surprised. At this point, maybe you shouldn’t have been. He knew you like the back of his hand, or maybe even better than that. You mentally thanked him for saving you the awkwardness of asking for it and nodded your head vigorously.
          His dimples made an appearance as he very suddenly pulled you towards him and on to your back. You squealed, giddy to finally feel him inside you after so long. He let go of your legs and quickly, and might you add, very ungracefully, pushed his shorts and underwear off in one swoop.
          His shaft sprung up. The tip was a deep red and it leaked precum. You couldn’t help but lick your lips. It was thick and long. The kind of thing that you would expect to see in art or in paintings. It was ethereal. Delectable. How could you have let yourself be deprived of this view for so long?
          In an instant, you remembered the feeling of him inside you and your head reeled. If you remembered correctly, this was going to be a stretch.
          Namjoon climbed over you in the blink of an eye. You could tell he was excited because, well it was just something you knew. It was radiating from his body like an aura.
          “Do you think you’re ready,” he asked, kissing your forehead, then your hairline, ever so gently. He peppered kisses all over your face as a smile graced it. You grabbed a hold of his face in both hands and forced him to kiss your lips, which he did without argument.
          “You are too cute Joonie baby,” you mumbled against his lips before you let a hand trail down his toned chest, over his muscular but undefined abs and finally wrapped around his hardened member.
          His smile faltered for an instant, his erection twitched in your hand. You gave it a couple of slow and lavish pumps. You could see the fine hairs on his body stand on end at the sensation and you couldn’t help but giggle.
          “You’re killing me here,” he choked out through gritted teeth.
          “I’m sorry Joonie,” you lied, keeping your pace slow, “I just want to make sure that you’re ready as well.”
          You took his bottom lip between your teeth and sucked at it as you squeezed a little tighter around his rod still at the unbearable pace you had set. His body reacted accordingly. Shiver after shiver ran down his spine and his chest convulsed. Had he not jerked off either? He was so wound up.
          “Baby girl, please just let me get in there… I can’t take much more of this,” he whispered against your jaw, leaving a wet kiss before connecting his eyes to yours. you smiled kindly and aligned him with your entrance.
          As soon as you touched his tip to your middle, his shoulders seemed to tense further and you let go, letting him take over.  As if he had read your mind, he gently began to push himself deeper. Was it payback for jerking him off so slowly, or was he scared to hurt you? He was inching his way in so incredibly slow. you could feel every vein in his member, every stroke against your walls. It was both horrible, and amazing all at once.
          Finally, he bottomed out and despite how wet you were from your two orgasms, you felt tears prick your eyes. It had definitely been too long and you weren’t just talking about his member.
          You could feel it in your stomach and he pushed down your lower abdomen just so you could feel it better. This was another thing he was proud of. No one had gone as deep as him. He was by far, the longest and girthiest you had ever had and he always made sure you remembered it.
          A groan left his lips as he shifted his hips so you could feel him move inside of you. He wiped a tear away from your cheek and kissed the trail it had left behind.
          “You feel that baby girl,” he asked gently, “that’s all for you. Only for you.’
          He began to pull out at the same pace that he had impaled you and you whimpered, wanting…no needing more. He was almost fully pulled out before he slowly began to push back in.
          Namjoon grabbed the hand that had been jerking him off and replaced his hand on your stomach with it. Then that hand came up and gently gripped around your neck. Your heart skipped a beat.
          “How does that feel baby? Does it hurt?”
          “Yeah,” you nearly screamed and he stopped mid thrust. You could see the fear in his eyes as he looked all over your face for some sign of what he had done wrong.
          “It hurts because you’re going way too slow you doof,” you clarified, and he instantly relaxed.
          “You scared me, Y/N.”
          “Joonie please move faster,” you begged, ignoring his previous statement.
          He sighed which shook a little as your walls contracted around his length. His grip on your neck tightened with your muscles and a shock of pleasure ran through your stomach. You let an unsteady moan escape your lips which was swallowed up as he leaned down, his sex still only about a quarter of the way in, and traced your lips with his tongue.
          You clenched around him once again. He bit your upper lip roughly, then kissed it and your nose lightly. It was so confusing. The way he could be sickeningly sweet and at the same time be torturing you with his hands and his length. The mix of emotion made a fog in your head that kept you from seeing what was coming next.
          “I’ll move my love,” he whispered against the shell of your ear. Goosebumps erupted all over your body. You let your eyes shut to better appreciate all of the pleasure you were receiving , intoxicated with the scent of his skin, and the way that his voice floated into your ear.
          “If you say my name,” he whispered, licking the cartilage nearest his lips.
          You knew it would come to this. You’d been too mouthy. Too self-righteous. It had been a long time since we’d shared a bed this way and you let your eagerness and desperation get the best of you. Now, you were truly going to have to pay for it. That is, if you kept up your refusal to give him what he wanted. Would you really want to risk getting denied an orgasm just to keep up your brat routine?
          An mortified blush covered your cheeks up to your forehead. It wasn’t that it made you uncomfortable. It was a turn on to you too, but there was something embarrassing about calling him something so deeply fetishized. It sounded strange coming out of your mouth and made you cringe, but you knew that if you just gave him what he wanted, we would both be satisfied.
          “Yes daddy,” you whimpered.
          It happened in a millisecond. His hand squeezed around your windpipe, he bit down on your ear and he thrust his hip hard against your core.
          A muted cry was ripped from your vocal cords. His tip hit just as deep as it had the first time. You could feel it in your stomach. You never really thought that could be possible but here you were, and you couldn’t have been more wrong.
          Like a switch was flipped, he pounded into the wet mouth of your arousal, the slickness helping to keep it mostly painless. Still, the burn couldn’t be stopped as he stretched you farther than any fingers could. Moans fell from your lips like prayers. Namjoon grunted every time his hips met yours. A lewd clapping bounced off the walls.
          There was no stopping him now. It was like a magic word and you knew that as soon as you’d said it, there was no going back.
          Namjoon used the hand not around your neck to hold himself up and over you. Beads of sweat had started to form on his hair line with the effort he was exerting. A sexy wrinkle formed between his eyebrows as he squeezed his eyes shut. His breaths were coming out hard, and loud. He sounded like he was running a race and he was pushing himself to the end. It was music to your ears. Sounds more appealing than any symphony or singer you had ever heard.
          Maybe you had zoned out, because when you zoned back in, your voice was mixed in with his. His real name was mixed in with shouts of “more” and “don’t stop”. You knew that later, after it was all said and done, the noises you were making would haunt you, but in the moment, you pushed away your insecurities and focused on the feeling of being full.
          “Yes,” you gasped as he hit your g-spot, repeatedly on the way in and out. Gratification was flowing through you like a river.
          “Yes what Jagi,” Namjoon asked, readjusting himself onto his knees so he didn’t have to hold himself up.
          He grabbed onto one of your breasts and gave it a light squeeze before he flicked the nipple. Question forgotten, your breath caught in your throat but he abandoned your chest in favor of something lower. He traced lines into your stomach. Designs he’d come up on the spot that you’d have to remaster into a design of some sort if you still remembered them after you were done. It was beautiful. The way that you made love.
          Beautiful, how you  mixed together. A beautiful color that couldn’t be store bought or mass produced. It was you. Purely, and unequivocally you.
          You choked as his wandering hand found your clit once more, rubbing tight and precise circles. It was too much, and he knew this. His fingers on your pulse point, his index on your sensitive bud, and his member inside you. It was everything you could ask for, and when your body froze, tense from his caress, it was no surprise to either of you.
          “Namjoon,” you gasped as your walls convulsed around him, his speed even. It was getting harder to breath and it wasn’t because of the pressure on your windpipes but because once again, over stimulation was setting in. You winced as he pumped in and out at an inhumane speed. It was crazy. How could he hold himself off this long.
          “I’m almost there baby, where do you want me,” he asked, his voice hoarse and deep and gravely.
          “In-in me… I want you in me Joonie,” you panted.
          Was it slightly inconvenient to have his ejaculation inside you? Yes. Was it nice to be so wet after we had sex? No. Did you give a single crap in that moment? No. No,you didn’t. All you knew was that you needed him. You needed to feel like you were his and like before, this was something that only he had ever done to you and it made it special.
          As if that was all that he was waiting for, Namjoon stilled. His erection twitched inside you and then he came. He spilled into you. Hot and thick. you couldn’t help but let your eyes roll back into your head as his ejaculation dripped from your entrance. You squeezed around him just to try and help and were rewarded with a grunt of satisfaction.
          “Fuck Y/N,” he huffed, removing his hand from your neck and your core to help steady him. His length had started to soften and you could tell that, much like you, he was exhausted.
          He pulled out, wincing as the cold air hit his member.You, in turn, grimaced as his cum dripped down your thighs. You’d have to wash the bed sheets today.
          Namjoon laid down beside you. Your body bounced as he adjusted his body. He draped an arm around your waist, cuddling into your side. Your bodies stuck together. Sweat, and well…other liquids clung to your skin.
          You allowed yourself to relax into him for a couple of minutes. Your breathing pattern evened before you sighed happily and pushed him off of you. Namjoon whimpered as you carefully swung your legs over the edge of your bed. The uncomfortable feel of something flowing out  of you made you shiver.
          “Where are you going,” he asked in Korean. His tone whiney and you couldn’t stop yourself from glancing at him over your bare shoulder. His eyes were big and a small frown decorated his lips. He was too cute to handle.
          You planted a kiss on his frown before you turned back to the edge of the bed to press your legs together. Maybe it would stop the ejaculate.
          “I need to shower,” you reasoned, bracing yourself, knowing you would have to run to the restroom if you wanted to avoid having to mop the floor again.
          “Can’t we cuddle for a little while,” Namjoon begged but you just shook your head dreading what you knew was to come.
          “After we shower, yeah.”
          You felt him sit up behind you. He gently kissed your shoulder and wrapped his strong…muscular…arms…
          You blinked at his muscles around you like a deer in headlights but shook your head. You could still feel how tired your muscles were from what you had just done. You couldn’t do it this soon again.
          “Can I at least shower with you,” he asked, nuzzling into the back of your neck.
          “Yes, of course,” you said, reaching behind yourself and scratching his head. You felt him, rather than saw him, relax against your back and you smiled.
          “Are you less stressed,” he asked you and you sighed.
          “I feel alright, Joonie. Could you tell I was really stressed?”
          You turned to look at him. He had a knowing smirk on his face that made your blood boil and embarrassment pool in your belly. He grazed his lips over the damp skin that spanned under his finger and when he spoke, it was against the nerves on your body that stood on end for him.
          “You talk in your sleep sometimes,” he said matter-of-factly. You sighed. Given away by your subconscious.
          “Oh.”
          “Besides, I have been watching you grade papers. You get this cute little fold between your eyebrows when you’re thinking too hard,” he rested a finger against your forehead where he indicated and massaged it in little circles. You let your shoulders fall. Who did you think you were kidding?
          “I see… well I’m feeling a little better. Hopefully I can get some ideas to get my students to be more interested now that I’m not so wound up.”
          “You’re a fantastic teacher,” Namjoon reasoned stroking your slightly messy hair, “you’ll figure it out.”
          “Yeah… I know you’re right,” you sighed letting a comfortable silence fall between you. Your brain was buzzing once again but this time it wasn’t stressful. It was with ideas for your classroom. You smiled, feeling a weight being lifted from your shoulders.
          “I’m sure I’ll come up with something,” you shifted the conversation, “what about you? Any sudden inspiration for your lyrics?”
          He didn’t speak and his chest tensed behind you. You felt like you had popped the bubble you were in. you should have kept your mouth shut.
          “Yes actually,” he said but it didn’t feel directed at you. Within seconds, he’d let go of your body and was up, pulling on his boxers and looking for his phone. He frantically pulled up the notes app on it and typed furiously.
          The shock quickly melted into amusement. You giggled at how his fingers slid over the glass screen. His focus on his cell.
          “Well I’m glad I could help,” you said, finally standing up. you felt the liquid inside you shift and with a panicked last look at your inspired boyfriend, you ran to the restroom on the first floor.
          “I’ll be in the shower. Have fun writing,” you yelled.
           You thought you heard him say something but it was too muffled for you to understand. You didn’t wait for him to meet you in the bathroom. Instead, you jumped in,washing between your legs thoroughly and scrubbing your skin. When you were done, Namjoon was sitting on the floor of the living room. His laptop, journal and phone spread out on the coffee table. He had his airpods in and he was bobbing his head to something you couldn’t hear.
          You didn’t interrupt. Instead you looked over his makeshift workstation and smiled.  His journal was turned to one of the pages of lyrics that he’d been stuck on for months. Fresh ink rested on the browning lines and my heart soared. Turned out that our bad moods and mutual slumps were directly related to our lack of sexual life. Duly noting that fact, I kissed the top of his head and made my way back upstairs to get my bed sheets to wash, a smile plastered on my lips.
201 notes · View notes
notanacousticsetcal · 4 years
Text
girl crush (lrh) - chapter one
request - nope! but my requests are now open.
summary - luke is 19 and 5sos is at the top of their game. daisy harlow is a solo artist becoming more popular by the day. daisy and luke “date” for publicity but some real feelings start to spark during their forced time together. the only problem? luke has a girlfriend.  
warnings - brief mention of an abusive father, not great relationship with her mom either, mentions of lonliness and she’s just kind of in pain? some anxiety.
word count - 1.7k
a/n - i’m planning on making this long so it might permanently move to wattpad for updating but i’ll let y’all know. also, its not clarified in this chapter but daisy’s mom is native hawaiian (polynesian).
My platform boots clack against the hardwood floors as I make my way to the stool perched center stage, a microphone resting expectantly atop it. I mentally curse myself for not touching my manicure up before the show as I stare anxiously down at my chipped nailpolish. I ring my fingers out before grabbing the mic and sitting down. I cross my legs and get comfortable as I wait for the musicians to get situated around me. It’s so quiet, you can hear the quiet chatter among bystanders in the hall. I stare at the ground uncomfortably. No matter how many times I perform, every single time without fail my hands shake and my mind races with the what-ifs. What if I mess up the lyrics and the band can’t follow me? What if I don’t take enough breaths and get all choked up? What if my voice cracks? What if I can’t hit the high notes? But once the melancholy guitar kicks in, I’m whisked away in the same chords I strummed that night on my apartment floor. The notes were a lot more choppy when I was playing them, my teary eyes obstructing my view. 
“Trying not to hold dear to my safety.” 
My hands shake. I think about my father’s face twisting in anger. I wondered what I had done this time. It was always something. That house was never a home. It was sewn together by my screams and my father’s bitter resentment. Things built on fragility crumble quickly.
“Prisoner to my miracles, save me.” 
I’m transported back to those stupid commercials. My mother dragged me all around Hollywood, passing me script after script. ‘Chin up, tamarii,’ she would say. ‘Smile big for the men in suits.’ When she found out I could sing, I was never allowed to close my mouth again. Whatever made her money. Whatever got her away from my father. At whatever cost to me.
“From the roof that I built myself, gave me.”
The day she left, so did I. Do you grieve for someone who is supposed to put you above all else? Whose job it is to keep you safe, but who fails? I left and I didn’t spare a second glance to that rickety old house. The last one on the right with the peeling yellow siding and splintered red door. The one that kept me safe and dry from the storms outside, but never the storms inside me. Or the storms inside my father. 
Everything I have now, I made myself. My mom took every cent she used me for with her, but she couldn’t take my music. And she didn’t take me.
“Only thing that I didn’t want more of was the feeling I couldn’t escape it.”
Physically, I would never have to see them again. So why wouldn’t they leave me alone? Not even my thoughts were safe.
“Waiting tables at a minute complaining that the phone would start ringing.”
Six months ago, I was waiting tables at Rico’s wondering when I could support myself doing what I love. Part of me wishes I could go back to the simplicity. I’ve never felt more alone than I do now. 
“But lately, my soul’s looking for a better way to deal with all the little changes that keep freaking me out. Wouldn’t hurt to figure out a better way of imitating so I don’t let me down. Sitting in the middle of a city with a million strangers and it's getting too loud.”
I let my voice express the emotion I’m feeling. Living in LA on my own has been a lot lonelier and colder than I expected. And what if this whole thing doesn’t work out? What if by tomorrow nobody likes me anymore? But above all, the person I’m most worried about disappointing is myself. Maybe because I’m all I have left. 
“Wouldn't hurt to figure out a better way of imitating so I don’t let me down.
So I don’t let me down.
So I don’t let me down.
Got no time to be overthinking. Can’t let thoughts in my head beat the demons that wanna drive me away for believing in the things that I was so sure of. 
Had to lie, end the fight, be my savior.
Emphasizing the light to my failures ‘cause it's not black or white in its nature.
When the plane lands I’m still looking for a better way to deal with all the little changes that keep freaking me out. 
Wouldn’t hurt to figure out a better way of imitating so I don’t let me down. Sitting in the middle of a city with a million strangers and it's getting too loud.
Wouldn’t hurt to figure out a better way of imitating so I don’t let me down…
Cause I keep thinking when the sun gets better, I’ll be dancing on my fears from yesterday…
And no, I can’t keep thinking when the sun gets better, I’ll be dancing on my fears from yesterday. Cause I’m still looking for a better way to deal with all the little changes that keep freaking me out. 
Wouldn’t hurt to figure out a better way of imitating.
So I don’t let me down.”
The last note carries for a moment more as I open my eyes to the small crowd in front of me. They applaud loudly, turning off the flashlights I didn’t notice they had on. I smile as they cheer, laughing at their unexpected enthusiastic nature. With that, the band begins to pack up and I stand to shake their hands, mine no longer trembling but instead, steady as a rock.
I walk off stage, reveling slightly in this short burst of confidence I get after performing. I’m led to a back room with TVs tuned in to the show. A commercial for OxyClean is playing. I miss Billy Mays. My manager is sitting on the couch with some middle aged man with a scruffy beard and a baseball cap. Once I catch her eye, she waves me over excitedly. “Daisy! Babes, come here. Got some exciting news.” Mariah pats a spot on the sofa next to her and I sit on the plush red material. 
“What’s up?” I ask hesitantly. I love Mariah to death -- the woman treats me like her own -- but she can be a little out there. I’ve had to turn down her extravagant ideas on more than one occasion. Once, she wanted me to perform while hooked into a harness, flying over the fans. Sounds more like something Gaga would do (and rock it), but it's just not me. 
Her signature red velvet lipstick is painted pristinely across her lips, per usual. She smiles warmly at me. “This kind man is Mr. Wilson. He’s the manager of a band called 5 Seconds of Summer! I’m sure you’ve heard of them, right doll?” She blinks at me expectantly and I smile politely. 
“Of course. I’ve heard some of their stuff. They’re great.” Mariah giggles excitedly.
“I’m so glad you think that, Daisy. Jack and I -- excuse me -- Mr. Wilson and I have been talking for a few weeks now about maybe arranging something between you.” Her expression turns nervous.
“What do you mean? Like a collaboration? Well, their stuff tends to have more of a punk edge, but--” Mariah cuts in, waving her hands dismissively. 
“No, no, not a collaboration. Though that might not be a bad idea for the future,” Mariah raises her brows, nudging Mr. Wilson with her shoulder. “We were thinking something more like hanging out with them. Particularly… the lead singer Luke.” She looks apprehensive, like she suspects I might not like this suggestion.
“By hangout… you don’t mean as friends. Do you?” My tone is extremely unamused. I begin to stand, sick of Mariah’s insane ideas. “Mariah, I can’t deal with--” Mariah tugs me back down by my sleeve.
“Daisy, please hear us out,” she pleads. “You won’t have to even see him in private. Everything will be for the paps. For publicity. Both you and the 5sos boys are releasing new music and… well, Mr. Wilson and I have an inkling that this little stunt might be really good for sales.” Mariah nudges me suggestively and places a hand on my knee. “Look, sweetie. I know this isn’t your kind of thing, but you know Mama Riah is always looking out for you. It’ll only be a 2 month thing. A little fling!” I gasp audibly and push Mariah’s hand off my knee.
I shake my head. “2 months? I thought we were talking a few pictures together max! Mariah, I love you but you’re insane.” 
“Daisy, please think about this. 2 months of your life. That’s it. We’ll make it look like you're an item, but short and sweet. We’ll make the break up messy. Lots of news coverage just in time for your new single and the boys’ new album. It's genius!” She grabs both of my shoulders, shaking me with every syllable. I sigh, defeated. She was really fighting for this. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. A few extra sales for a couple months with some random boy. Sounds manageable. 
Mariah could see me mulling it over in my head. Her shoulders tensed, awaiting my response. “Alright, alright. I’ll do it.” She squeals in excitement, throwing her arms around me and pulling me into a tight hug. I struggled to breathe through her poofy curls and choke a little on her intoxicating fruity perfume. She pulls away and takes my face between her hands, careful not to claw me with her long, red nails. “This is gonna be fantastic, Daisy, you just wait.” She gives one more excited squeal and turns to Mr. Wilson. While they chat excitedly, I slump back into the soft, velvet couch, losing myself in the oversized cushions. 
The show came back from commercial break and I watch as the next musical guests take the stage. A boy with multicolored fringe straps a guitar over his body while the boy behind him sits himself at the drum kit. Another boy with dark hair walks out with a bass hanging from his shoulders. The last boy to take the stage makes his way up to the mic stand, pulling a pick from it. He slings his guitar comfortably over his shoulders and turns to converse with his bandmates. That blonde is Luke Hemmings. 
Boy, am I in for it because he is gorgeous.
26 notes · View notes
iffyswriting · 4 years
Text
Star Quality
Pairing: Pardison Fontaine x Black! Thick! OC
Summary: A story with some smut at the end. May give it a part two, I don't know yet.
I don’t know about y’all but that fine ass man right there got my ovaries on LOCK.
I blame my friend, Dom for this. She encourage the whortivity.
Anyway enjoy,☺🥴
The light shined bright on my face, my eyes slightly blinded. Anxiety rested in my chest as I looked over all the people in the stands. So many of them were screaming, pumped up with excitement. So many were screaming my name.
All these people here just to see lil ole me.
I searched through the crowd, hopeful to see his face but I knew he wasn't going to be here.
I wanted to be wrong but what's true is just what it is.
I blinked back my tears as I began with my first song of the night 'Heartbreak'. I started strong, singing my heart out as things went on my lyrics hitting closer to home.
My mama told me to stay away from the industry niggas.
If we both wanted a career, it'd never work she said. I didn't listen because I figured who better to understand me, than someone with my exact goals- we could be an it couple, we could be successful together.
I should've listened.
The year before.
"And you said we'd be late." I teased, taking my bodyguard, Tommy's hand as I stepped down from the car.
"You took your sweet ass time at the Hotel."
"My makeup is a whole regime- one lash out of place and my whole energy is off." I said matter of factually, pleased when he didn’t reply.
I looked up at the radio station, my heart swelling with happiness. I'd never been invited to do an interview before- I've never been famous before either. This year was full of firsts for me and honestly, I'm ready to accept it all.
"Nervous?"
"Not nervous- terrifyingly happy, I'll say."
"Those don't go together."
"A lot of things I do don't but I make it work." He chuckled to my side, his laughter easing my nerves. 
Plopping into a chair, I bounced in my seat giving the biggest grin I could to everyone in the room. You could say I was a little too eager.
"We got brand new artist- Sincerity in the building!" He started off cupping his mouth to make an echo effect.
"Wassup y'all!" I said excitedly, my bubbly giggle bursting through.
"I see your animated this afternoon.”
"I'm grateful as hell to be here, that's why."
"We're just as happy to have you." He spoke returning my grin. "Let's talk about your new hit single, Black Jack that just hit number 2 on the top 100 in the U.S. and number 12 worldwide. How does it feel as a new artist to become this popular, this fast?"
"It feels so good and so unexpected. When I recorded it, I had high hopes but they never went up this high."
"I guess that's on me for having such low expectations," I said shaking my head.
"Could you tell me the meaning of the song? Give a little insight."
"Black Jack is about gambling with your life and all the decisions you want to make with so little time. Everything we do feels like we're playing a game of chance and I think my song with its fast-paced beat really gives you that feeling."
"Any inspirations?"
"You'd be surprised to hear this but I had such a huge mixture of music growing up."  "Like from Lauryn Hill to Bjork, I was everywhere and I think that really shows in the songs that I make. I like to be versatile.”
The energy in the room shifted slightly and I braced what was he was going to say.
"So recently you've taken pictures with New York rapper, Pardison Fontaine." Tommy gave me a look and I sat up straighter, paying attention. Nervousness started to run through me because anything I say could be critical to my career.
Junior was a lot like other radio people, messy as hell because that's what people like to hear. They're interested in you but they're more interested in the drama that surrounds you because it creates traction.
My manager, Shanice couldn't come but she prepped me the night before telling me what to do. 
"Yeah, we took them at Meg's birthday party! It was so much fun." I said nodding my head at the memory. " I took pictures with a bunch of other people too."
"But Pardi is in all of them, one way or another."
"We were sitting together. We talked throughout the party."
"About what?" Junior looked me in the eye, his slick smirk making me scoff. He was trying to get into my head but I stayed resilient.
"About business deals and music really," Pausing, I leaned into the mic closer continuing to talk.
"I can admit he cute or whatever," I said with an eye-roll, everyone else laughing with me.
"But there's literally nothing between us, I super duper promise," I say crossing my heart. " We're just friends- friends, who when they cross paths, take a whole lot of pictures and talk."
"That's it?"
"Dassit." I said quickly, laughing afterward. The disappointment in his face spoke volumes and He looked like he wanted to press further but he knew he couldn't. He moved onto the next question, my interview going much smoother.
Finally leaving the radio station, my phone started to buzz in my hands. I already knew he was gonna call me the minute it ended and I took my time to answer letting it ring a little longer.
"You make me sick."
"Now, I know that's a lie." Pardi, or Jordan as I called him said, I could practically see his smirk over the phone.
"You don't know shit."
"So, I'm just cute or whatever?"
"Ain't that what I said?"
"You've said more than that."
"I been lying." I admitted playfully
"That easily? Wowww-" He faked shock and I bit back a smile, scratching at my hand. Despite my dodging, he did make my stomach flip inside out and made me think things I know I shouldn’t have been.
"You seemed to be so tuned into the radio today- I thought you didn't listen unless you were on it?"
"I had to support my girl."
"I'm your girl? That's crazy."
"You always gonna be my girl." I let out a breathless laugh, my heart thumping in my chest like a drum.
"Okay, Jordan."
"Come see me." He said confidently making me raise an eyebrow.
"See you where?"
"At the studio. You know that's my second home." It was mine too and my mama was constantly down my throat about not being stable with my sleeping. 
"Who else gon' be there?"
"Nobody. Just the two of us." Blinking, I opened my mouth trying to find a response. 
"You plotting, you're trying to get me all alone."
"You gonna fall for the trap?"
"Maybe” Feeling frisky, I pushed harder. “I don’t feel so convinced, though.”
"If you come, I'll mix something for you."
"Something new?"
"Brand spanking new, baby." He slapped something for emphasis and I shrugged my shoulders like he could see me. 
"I'm feeling a little persuaded-"
"I also happen to have some new music- you know I trust your judgment." He came to me for a-lot of things, whether it be a critique or some advice we talked about so much. 
"Since you're begging me at this point, I'll show up."
"I can't wait." I could hear his grin and I couldn’t suppress my own anymore, full on biting my lip as a smiled.
"Don't cream your pants, now."
”I won’t even say what I’m thinking,” He chuckled. “See you in a second, Nelle.” 
“Bye, Jordan. “ Clicking off my phone, Tommy stared at me- a smirk on his lips. The kind i absolutely hated. 
"What?"
"Nose wide open over that boy."
"Just like I told Junior, I'm gonna tell you."
"We're just friends."
*********
Watching intently as his fingers danced over the keys, one by one he let my head lean on his shoulder. He made me feel so comfortable, his shoulder felt like a hard pillow. 
"How long you been playing the piano?"
“A long ass time.”He thought for a second. “My mom’s wanted me to be productive with something and music became that something.” 
"I want a kind of interlude, you know with the piano playing the back. Soften the soul you know?"
“Yeah, I can see it.” 
I opened my mouth to sing a couple of notes as he kept going. He went up higher and I followed suit, going low when he went he low too. He found somewhere steady and I let my voice rest there with him, finishing softly.
The way he looked at me, his eyes trained on my face so hard it's like he was entranced. Being his center of attention made my heart swell.
"I ever tell you, how much I wish I could sing."
"You know how to hold a tune."
"Nah but if I could belt out like I want, I'd be all over the place."
"How you feel singing from your chest." Taking his hand I pressed it right to my breast, and looked him in his eyes.
"It's like grabbing something from within and pushing it out." I took one deep breath and then another his hand rising with each breath I took.
His hand slowly dragged up my neck to touch my cheek. He seemed hesitant at first but I leaned further into his hand, moving in closer.
We kissed softly to test the waters but we weren’t gentle kind of people. The second kiss felt more impassioned and aggressive, as I sighed behind his lips his touches all over my body jolting me.
He placed his hands on my waist pulling me onto his lap. With my legs on either side, I pressed my panties against his clothed shorts grinding on him so he could feel how wet he was making me. 
"What we about to do here?"
“The fuck you think.” I said impatiently, swiping my gloss off his bottom lip even though I was going to stain it some more. 
“I’m just wanna know before, we get too deep.” 
"I know what I want."
"Do you?" Pressing my hand against his chest I started to unbutton his shirt, keeping up eye contact. 
"I do."
Scrunching my dress up around my hips, he pushed my thighs apart pressing his fingers onto my clit. He was gentle swiping against it but I want him to be rougher.
He lined up his tip and slid inside making me gasp. I threw my arms over his shoulder, my fingers becoming entangled in his curls as I bounced on his dick our cum echoing in the room. 
He gripped my ass, making me bounce faster. 
Standing up from the chair, we kissed as he stroked up into me. My back hit the cold glass and something clicked on behind me but with how good he was fucking me I couldn't care less.
"You feel so fucking good-" One of his hands grasped my neck, the other touching the dip of my back to get in deeper. I bit back a smirk, my breasts heaving up and down as he picked up speed.
His deep groans of pleasure, rumbled in my ear and into the pit of my stomach. 
I clenched around him slowing things down, his hand tightening it's grip. He guided my face up, sloppily french kissing me our tongues melding together. He pecked my lips one more time gazing at me.
“You gotta take it.” He mumbled, making me wrap my legs around his waist entrapping him.
I pushed him back onto his chair, plunging him back inside of me. 
“I’m not the one who needs to take it.” I said breathlessly, kissing his neck lining hickies where his tattoos were.
His chest rose and he shuddered underneath me, his big hands on my back rolls guiding me clearly as I fucked him into the chair. My thighs clapped together and I moaned quietly stopping in my tracks as my orgasm started to crash onto the horizon.
He pushed my thighs back open, circling my clit so I could cum all over his dick. He pulsated inside me and every movement made me feel more sensitive as minutes ticked on. 
“Gon head and cum.” He teased me, bringing our lips together once more. He swallowed back my moans, easing me into a steady lull of pleasure.
I came seconds later, a trembling mess. His name tumbled from my mouth in repeated chants, his strong arms surrounding my hips to keep me in place. He sat still in me, his own body barely holding on. 
I couldn’t tell if you it was lust, or the fact I had in the palm in my hand but as I ground onto him knowing he was going to cum in me, the power and love I felt was unmatched.
He stopped trying to stop me, relishing in his satisfaction as he painted my walls white. His cum filled me up to the brim and I slid back watching it ooze out a little, the sweat on pooling my forehead sliding between my breasts.
He caressed each part of fat on my body the look in his eyes so intense, my heart barely matched it. He said 4 words that cemented everything and from there I was locked in.
“Let’s do this again.” 
Tumblr media
33 notes · View notes
naptoons · 4 years
Text
Story Of Us-Joel Pimentel
Warnings: sexual content, alcohol reference, mild language.
Theme: Smut
A/N: this was requested by @cncogirl18 , I hope this is good enough for you and I hope it isn’t cringe asf cause I’m lowkey bad at writing imagines. And it’s first pov, just for you bby. And also google translated Spanish, it ain’t my first language but I’m learning slowly. I didn’t proofread either I kinda just typed it all in one go so I apologize for any errors🥺
Tumblr media
20 years old I’ve turned. The age requirement that considers you an adult, and also the requirement that calls for experiences, drunken memories and maybe a little bit of hazy truth. And I just knew it was going to be crazy tonight. Cnco just finished their tour, Richard’s daughter was with her mom. I just knew that whatever happened tonight. I’m going to love it but hate it. Laying in your bed I waited for Chris to text me about the plan. I’m always close to Chris rather than all of the other members too the point that they thought we were dating.
Everytime the topic came up, the both of us just squelch in disgust,ultimately feeling so sick to my stomach that they could even think that. He was more like a brother to me, all of them were. Except Joel. Joel was more than a brother in my eyes. Yes very cliché but I couldn’t defeat silence as my heart beats whenever he was around. I couldn’t help but feel the butterflies build in my stomach. It’s been like that for a while, but the courage could never spill out, liquid courage is something different. I almost did once, if it wasn’t for Chris i could’ve ruined everything.
My phone buzzed interrupting my thoughts, it was Chris, sliding to answer I put the phone in speaker. “HAPPY BIRTHDAY PUTA!!!” He yells, just as i expected that’s why i put it speaker.
“Thank you puto, so what’s the plan?” I ask
“Duh, we’re getting you hammered for the first time, and not wine this time” Chris Jones
“Ha ha, that was one time” i roll your eyes, getting off the bed I walk towards the closet deciding on what outfit I’ll be wearing “so we’re going to a lounge or something?”
“I’m not telling you shit, sólo espera y mira” Chris laughs, knowing i won’t get anywhere with him I just nod my head and reply with an okay. “Coming to pick you up in thirty”
“bueno” I reply, then hanging up the phone, I m see a leather skirt and a red graphic crop top you bought two weeks ago. Smiling i grabbed it from your closet, laying it on the bed, sitting down on the floor i dictate which shows you want. Looking at my strappy black heels,I smile throwing them at the foot of my bed.
After my shower, I get dressed looking in the mirror at yourself I decided to change to something comfortable, so i switched your heels for some black platform ankle boots. Spraying favorite perfume on my phone rings. Already knowing who it is i don’t answer i just grab it along with my wallet. Swinging the door open you see Chris’s car. Locking the door to my apartment you race over to the passenger side.
“Who you trying to look good for?” Chris comments, while I strap yourself in with the seatbelt
“Cállate” i reply, on the way to wherever you guys were going, i controlled the music and he no say in it.
Cause it was my birthday.
Arriving at the club, Chris looks for a parking space, seeing as Richard was already here with The rest of the boys. Parking right next to their car I can hear Richard calling my name. “Fucking psycho” i mumbled. Getting out the car Richard raises his arms up bringing me into a tight hug.
“Happy birthday mami!!” Richard kisses the top of my head, smiling I hug him back “thank you rich” I pull out of his chest greeting the rest of the guys. When it was my turn to greet Joel. It seemed as if my brain went into tv static. But you pushed through it.
“Hey” shakily i approach him, Joel smiles sheepishly pulling me into a hug “hey happy birthday princesa” his voice melts into my heart, those infamous goosebumps traveling up my arm.
“thank you” i awkwardly mumble in his shirt. His hand slowly leaving my waist “I hope you don’t mind I bought more of my friends and Emilia along”
Softly I bite my lower lip softly at the name, i couldn’t deny it they were really great together, they had great chemistry. It just made me a little bit bitter that I lost my chance. A chance at holding him in my arms.
“Oh no it’s okay, the more the merrier” i smile, maybe a forced one but Joel really doesn’t pay attention to me. So I thought.
“bueno, lets go” Joel smiles, I nod my head greeting the rest of Joel’s friends, walking in the club it was packed, out of all the days my birthday could fall on. It had to be a Saturday.
“I’m going to regret ever taking up your offer” you punch Chris, he throws his arms around my shoulder “don’t worry we’re going to have so much fun tonight” he winks at me, to which Joel caught and he didn’t appreciate much.
Everyone but y’all knew the feeling was mutual. But the boys decided they wouldn’t interfere with someone else’s love life, they just decided “let nature take its course” Joel rolled his eyes at Chris’s remark, grabbing Emilia by the waist and making his way to the bar. My eyes eases him up and down sighing heavily I decided to not let him bother me.
At least not in the moment.
Five shots in i were tipsy maybe a bit beyond tipsy, taking shots after shots, Chris wasn’t lying when he said y’all were getting hammered. “I wanna dance now” I yell.
“Dale niña!” Chris says drowning in his last shot with a squeeze of a lime, nodding my head I turn around quiet too fast for my body to comprehend, i almost stumble off the stool. Joel and I made eye contact and immediately he grabs Emilia’s chin pulling it towards him and making out with her. Quiet sloppy, rolling i eyes and grab the first member which happened to be Richard.
“Wanna dance?” I smirk appears, Richard doesn’t get a chance to think as I’m grabbing his hand pulling him in the dance floor. As the music blared in the background, I back it up on Richard rubbing my ass on him, one of Richards hands was on my waist while the other was holding his drink, as I rolled my hips against his,singing the lyrics to the song that was playing. I look at Joel whose face is almost flushed with pink shades, i wink at him biting down on my lower lip trying not to smile.
Two can play your games Joel.
Richard throws his arm around my shoulder as my fingers hook onto his forearm. Richard presses me against him harder as his fingers imprint into my hips. After the song ended Richard and I made our way to the bar again grabbing another drink.
“How’s your birthday so far mami?” He asks
“Great! I swear I’ve never had this much fun in my life” i smile, sipping on my drink, i turn around and see Zabdiel dancing with a girl, smiling at my group of friends.
Excuse me for being a sappy drunk, but I’m so grateful for them, I never took them for granted. Richard flicks my forehead, flinching I hit him on his arms “What was that for?!” I scream
“You were being sappy drunk, we don’t need that here” Richard says downing another shot glass.
“Shut the fuck up” i drink the colorless liquid, turning back around I see Joel and Emilia grinding against each other, basically doing what Richard and I was doing.
“Trying to make Joel jealous?” Richard asks
“What?!” I asked startled just by my response he already knew my answer “I can help with that” Richard winks
“Really?” I ask, Richard doesn’t answer me but walks a over to Zabdiel putting me in between them, now this time i were grinding on Zabdiel fusing our bodies together sticking to each other like sap off a tree. Joel was fuming with anger and jealousy. He just couldn’t hold back his emotions tonight. But neither could I .
The tension was rising between the both of us. Would the flames swallow us up and disappear into pieces? Or would it ignite a new flame?
After that song I wanted to sit down, moving over to the couch, Joel tried to get away from Emilia to reach you but she sits on his lips wrapping her arms around his neck, stretching her legs out so their isn’t anymore room. Rolling my eyes I place my cross my arms across my chest.
“Can you please move your legs, I want to sit down” I ask politely when i should’ve said “fucking move your feet cunt”
“Why? So you can try to steal his attention?, don’t you have a man? Isn’t your man Chris? Stop playing these dudes hearts” she smiles sheepishly, every fiber in me holds back the urge to punch her in lip.
“One that isn’t none of your business and two I asked you politely to move your legs, im fucking tired, Joel make your girl move please” I ask as calmly as I can.
“Joel, you agree, she needs to learn to be loyal. She’s just fucking all your members, they’re all being played, that’s what you told me” Emilia smiles cradling his head in her hands, your eyes come into a sudden shock seeing as Joel has been talking shit about you to her. In such a negative way.
“Oh really?” I ask calmly
“So move along, you’re not his type” she says, your eyes dart at Joel whose been silent for a while, Joel’s eyes tries to meet yours darker than the nightsky. “Okay bet” I walk up to Emilia punching her in the lip feeling a pair of arms pick me up by the waist averting me away from the situation.
“Don’t you ever disrespect me goddamn it I should’ve gotten your fucking nose!!” I yell potentially busting a vein, Joel gets up finally looking down at emilia’s busted lip. His eyes now angry at you.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Joel yells
“Me?! Bitch you’ve been talking shit about me like I ain’t nothing goddamn!!!” I yell feeling my feet on the ground, but arms still holding my waist. “You fucking piece of shit you thought I was fucking your members?! That’s what you really think of me?! I fucking love you!! You!!”
“Only you dumbass!!” I start crying through my yells, the lump in my throat closing my air way
“So what the fuck is with you and Chris?!” Joel finally speaks
“Hes my fucking cousin!! Why would I date my cousin?!” The grip on your waist falls flat
“Your cousin?” Zabdiel questions. In fury you walk away from the heated situation and into the bathroom slamming the door behind you, the mascara I once knew of was dripping down your face. Grabbing a paper towel I wet it then wipe it off. the more I wiped the more the tears flowed.
I just knew it would slip. But no this way. I didn’t know it would come out in the heat of an argument. It’s not like you were hiding that Chris and I were related I just thought it didn’t have to be stated. The door jiggles open not even looking to see who it was I just keep cleaning my makeup off.
“Brenda, let’s talk about this” his voice sending those chills throughout my spine.
“One don’t call me that and What is there to talk about? I’m just a fucking whore in your eyes” you sting him
“I’m sorry bre,Never for a second did I ever say or thought that” Joel replies in sincerity
“So what did you really think Joel?” I ask turning around towards him, his hands cupping my face with one hand and cleaning my makeup with the other.
“I think you’re a rainbow in the middle of a hurricane,the moon before it kisses the ocean, the sunflower in the middle of roses, you’re different bebesita, just the woman I fell in love with” Joel mummers
“You don’t mean that you’re fucking drunk” I slur
“Not drunk enough to wear my heart on my sleeves for you, ask me this tomorrow and I can tell you word for word what I said” Joel looks into my eyes intensely, he tilts my chin up to his lips as out fuse together, tasting the strawberry liquor he drank, his hands on top of my ass picking me up and putting me on the sink. His lips now on the my tepid neck, my fingers combing their way through his hair. Joel pulls out of my neck his eyes easing me up and down trying to level with mine.
“Bre, I love you okay? No one else” Joel speaks softly
“So you and Emilia?” I ask curiously
Joel’s smile increases “we were never a thing, I want us to be a thing, trust me I won’t break your heart, the last thing I want to do is see you cry again because of me” Joel’s smile disappears, I touch his jawline caressing them with my fingernails.
“Me too” I mumble
“So will you go out with me bre?” Joel speaks above my lips, nodding my head he leans in smiling as our flavors interlock with each other. Joel helps me jump down from the counter and onto the floor. “Let’s go home?” He ask more or less as a question
“Yeah”
Erick ended up driving the both of us home, cause we were way past drunk to even think about getting on the road. Kicking off my shoes at the front door I meet Joel in the room, seeing him already half undressed, my face begins to change in temperature, my knees begin to buckle and become jello. Ignoring the pool in between my thighs I jump on the bed sitting on the edge of the bed. Joel turns around smiling at me which just brings back those butterflies. Now that he is actually mine I don’t think those will ever go away.
Joel towers over me pressing his lips upon mine moving in sync with each other, slowly I lean onto the sheets of his bed caressing his biceps with my nails. Joel lets out a soft groan in my mouth his hand gripping onto my thigh raising it up to his waist as his body dips into me. Rubbing his hard member against my wet core. Both of letting out a desperate pleasure, Joel pulls away his eyes painting onto mine.
“Wanna continue this?” Joel questions
“With you? Yeah I do” i smile, Joel’s smile slowly starts to creep upon his face, my hands find themselves under his shirt feeling his abs clenching on and off to my touch. “You got me, so now what?” I smile
“Eres muy hermosa” Joel mumbles, his plump lips leaving tiny trails of kisses on my neck up to my jawline as I gasp in comfort, his hands sliding under the fabric of my clothes touching my burning flesh. His hands cups one of my breasts as his lips makes their way down to my neck. Pulling away he tugs on the hem of my shirt and lifting it over my head. Before I could process anything his lips attack my swollen nipples licking and tugging at the seams as his fingers firmly unclampes my bra from the back, my back slowly rising off the bed sensitive to the way his tonuge explores my body.
Backing away from my body Joel pulls my bra down from my body as I look at him in lovestruck, Joel smiles at my sudden subspace, lifting his shirt over his head my eyes can’t help but to wonder every detail and curve to his body.
And I can’t believe tonight I’m going to be under it. Joel pulls down the zipper of my skirt, I lift my hips up to him slightly as his fingertips hook on my fabric pulling down both pieces of clothing down throwing it on the floor for decor. Slowly Joel opens my legs wide his fingertips digging into my waist he pulls me closer to him. Joel’s lips begin kissing the inside of thighs softly as my body aches for his touch, his breath hovering over my swollen clot awaiting for his tongue to be buried inside of my slit. Joel makes eye contact with my forming that smirk he’s been giving my all night. With one finger he slides up and down my slit coating it in my colorless essences.
His soft but simple touch feels like ecstasy to me, popping his finger into his mouth tasting me he presses down on my clit making me squeeze the covers in my hands. “Joel...” I plead. “What is it you want baby?”
“You” I let out desperately, Joel wastes no time after my answer as his tongue slowly laps up my slit dripping in sticky liquid just pouring out by every touch he makes. Joel’s eyes meet up with mine, feeling his tongue creating circles around my swollen clit with a tight tug of his lips sucking. My head sinks into the pillow letting myself fall into euphoria. Joel savoring me like his last meal, groaning into me as my moans fill the air along with the beads of sweat trickling down my body. My eyes rolling back at the his tongue flicks my sensitive bud. A knit begins to form in my stomach as my moans start to become more and more silent.
“I’m gonna come..” was the only sentence I could achieve, Joel hovers over me his two fingers pressed against my pearl shifting them from side to side filling the air with my juices and sparse broken moans. Joel wraps his hand around my throat softly but still be mindful not to choke me. “Come baby, mira pa’ acá princesa” his voice reverbs off the walls, opening my eyes you look into his. “You’re going to come for me babygirl?” Nodding my head as the whimpers begin to spilling out of me, my legs begin to tremble eyes rolling back as silence fills the room. My legs begin to close but Joel holds them open using his middle finger only to slide up and down my slit sending me into another phase of euphoria.
“I can’t Joel..” I whimper holding his wrist with one hand, but Joel ignores my cries, applying pressure back to my bud, rubbing in a circular motion his fingers engulfed in a creamy substance, this time his pace stable. Bitting down on my lower lip my whole body begins to shake reaching a another climax, “you’re so beautiful baby when you come” my hand digging into his forearm as I cum all over his fingers. His tongue cleaning me up I spasm every time it comes into contact with my bud. He unbuckles his belt dropping his pants and boxers to the floor. Reaching over the his bedside table he pulls out a gold wrapper. My body still trying to come down from the high as my chest rises up and down slowly.
“Ready for this?” Joel reassures “is this something you really want?”
“Wouldn’t want to have anyone else as my first” I smile caressing his jawline
“Me too” Joel slowly dips into me sliding ever so slowly as my face screws up in agony “am I hurting you? Do you wanna stop?” Joel ponders, opening your eyes you meet those soft butter pecan eyes. “No, keep going” I whisper. Joel intertwines his hands with mine, as my walls engulf him deeper and deep, the pain slowly started to subdue and pleasure came to replace it.
“Better?” Joel’s soft voice rings
“So much better” I moan, feeling him slide in and out of me, his manhood stretching me out with every slow thrust, almost sensing that I want more Joel sinks deeper into me planting his kisses on my neck, my fingertips scratching his back making sketches upon his skin my soft moans echoing his ears felt like he was in the studio recording a song. With every stroke I lose my breath, our hips clashing together as the beads of sweat drip upon us both. His grinds increased as the headboard constantly thumped against the wall.
The familiar knot builds in my stomach as Joel’s strokes become sloppier but never stopping to hit my sweet spot. We were both close to falling over the edge. “Come for me” He whispered as I fell over the edge into a waterfall of pleasure, grabbing purchase of his hair My eyes rolled back as I screamed his name, as he came along with me. My eyes slowly open feeling my walls unclench from him, rolling the condom off he threw it in the trash coming back with a warm wash cloth, to clean ne up.
“Do I taste bad?” I joke Joel’s eyes dart at me in concern “it’s a joke baby, cause you the cloth you’re too sweet”
“I mean I can use my tongue to clean you, but I may not know when to stop” Joel answers me cleaning my cum up I squirm a little making Joel chuckle. “I love that, me necesita” Joel raspy voice creates a heated pool in between my thighs. Getting back in the bed Joel wraps his arms around my waist sticking my back to his chest, while his chin sinks into the dip of my shoulder.
“I love you Joel”
“I love you more baby” Joel replies through the heavy clouds of sleep.
Waking up the next morning Joel left me a note saying he went to practice for their performance here in my hometown , breakfast is on the counter. Smiling I grab my phone heading straight for Instagram I see a picture of Joel.
Tumblr media
358,662 likes
joelpimentel
🛏 day.
@/Bree__
All mine right?🤤
joelpimentel
@/bree__ all yours mami😘
Smiling I set my phone down heading to the kitchen not until I hear keys jangling in the lock. Joel’s head pops into his house closing the door behind him locking it with one hand. “So were??”
“Oh shush” Joel shuts me up by cupping my jawline in his hand planting his lips on top of mine, his lips tasted of raspberry, pulling away he kisses all over my face as I let out a series of giggles. “Yeah we’re official I don’t know who asked who, but you’re mine I don’t like sharing”
“Me either” grabbing a French fry you smile. Joel being my boyfriend was something I thought to be impossible but here I am I’m his kitchen wearing his hoodie. Couldn’t be any better.
83 notes · View notes
puffmamaa · 5 years
Text
Rated E for Extra Petty.
Tumblr media
Hey y’all! Here’s a random, little one-shot loosely based on this meme I saw a while back. Everytime I listen to Fantasia, it’s all I can think about lol.
Pairing: Erik ‘Killmonger’ Stevens x Black, Dark-Skin, Plus Size Reader. (Always💛)
Summary: No amount of 2K or Anime is a match for you when you’re on your bullshit.
Word Count: 1.6k
Warnings: Cussing. Use of N-word. Corny jokes. Reader being a major brat. Mention of smut. Erik being...a nigga lmao.
A/N: Song is “Free Yourself” by Fantasia, just in case someone doesn’t know it.
Also, I love me some Tasia so any shade towards her singing is all in jest. 😉
——
“IF YOU DON’T WANT ME, THEN DON’T TALK TO MEEE...”
Erik paused the TV and placed his elbows on his knees. His right leg bounced up and down aggressively. Sighing loudly, he threw down his PS4 controller and laid all the way back on the bed. You’d been blasting that same song for the last 20 minutes. Erik tried to tune it out but between Fantasia’s loud ass crooning and your off-key screeching, he couldn’t take it. He let out another breath as you continued to scream out ad-libs about how ain’t shit he was.
Let you tell it, this moment of supreme pettiness is what Erik deserved. You had come home late from work, tired and worn out from being around d’wights all day. All you wanted to do was curl up with your boyfriend and watch Love & Basketball. But Erik was in the middle of a game of NBA 2K19 and didn’t want to stop for your impromptu movie night.
EARLIER...
“What you mean not right now?” You asked with an attitude. You had changed out of your work clothes and into a black crop top t-shirt and black fitted shorts. Your big, kinky hair was pulled into a high puff.
“Baby, I’m trying to finish this game. We can watch the movie afterwards. Aight?”
“But I want to watch it now.”
“Well, I’m busy right now. Just watch it without me, if you can’t wait.”
“But we always watch Love & Basketball together, you whined as you poked your bottom lip out. “You don’t wanna hang out with me?”
“You know that’s not what I mean.”
You sauntered over to him and sat on his lap, straddling his legs. You wrapped your arms around his neck and gently played with the tail of his black du-rag.
“Then why not now?” You cooed into his ear.
Erik groaned lightly as you ran your nails against the back of his neck. “Look, I’ll only be like an hour. I’m sure you can find a way to entertain yourself until I’m done.”
You squinted your eyes at him. Usually, you had Erik wrapped around your finger. Your whine alone would have him rubbing on your booty all night. And a whole lot more. But this time, he wasn’t letting up. Your pout quickly turned into a frown. You hopped out of his lap and stood in front of the TV.
“So this dumb ass game is more important than me?”
“Y/N.“
“Nah, that’s basically what your saying. You rather play this shit than be with me. I can read between the lines, Erik.”
“Girl, you trippin’ right now. Chill out.”
“Fuck chill! All the times I’ve sat up and watched those stupid ass anime shows with you?
“Stupid?” He stood up, cocking his neck back in offense. His gray sweats hung low on his hips. “I thought you said you were starting to like anime.”
“I don’t even understand that shit! I watch it because its something you like to do. But, do you return the favor? Nooo. You rather sit in front of this fucking TV and play some wack ass game made for 14 year olds! Witcho cornball ass!”
Erik’s eyes bulged. He clenched his jaw and moved towards you.
“Watch ya mouth, princess. I don’t know who you think you talking to but I’m not sum nigga in the street. You need—“
“I need to what, Erik?” You cut him off, placing your hands on you hips and moving closer to him. His large frame towered over yours but you still managed to look him right in the eye.
“You know, maybe I should get me one of those other niggas. I’m sure they would love to do much more than watch a movie with me.”
Erik’s eye twitched. You knew the thought of you entertaining some one else would get under his skin.
“You better calm all that down before we have a fucking problem,” he lowered his face to yours. “I mean that shit.”
“Then turn the game off,” you whined again, crossing your arms over your chest.
“Hell no.” Erik mirrored your actions. Normally, he’d let you have your way by now, but you were being more of a brat than usually. Plus, you had disrespected his favorite genre and game. No fucks were given on his end at this point.
The two of you glared at each other for a minute.
Erik huffed and rolled his eyes, “I’m not finna do this with your bratty ass. Take that bullshit somewhere else, bruh.”
He sat down on the bed and grabbed his controller, starting his game back up.
You stood there, burning a hole in the side of his head as he continued to play like you weren’t in the room.
“Ok,” you hissed, “OH-Kay.”
You stomped out, slamming the bedroom door on purpose.
Erik heard the song start over again.
“If your unhappy then your free to go onnn. Cause I don’t want you stayin’ arounndd, if I make you so miseraablee,” you and Fantasia sang brashly.
“IF YOU DON’T WANT ME THEN DON’T TALK TO MEE,”
“That’s FUCKING it.” He said as he shot up from the bed.
He swung open the bedroom door and stomped down the hall.
“I swear to GOD...” he murmured to himself as he made his way to the living room.
You were sprawled out on the couch, one leg thrown over the back while you leaned your head on the arm and sang. An open bottle of wine and half filled wine glass sat on the coffee table. You eyes drifted to Erik as he barged into the room. He was silently fuming; his naked, scarred chest heaving in and out. You gave him a dry look and grabbed your glass, taking a long sip.
“This love thing is fuull of scandaaaals, so you’re WELCOME TO WAALK.”
“Yo. Kill all this fucking noise, ma.” Erik said, pulling on his sweats.
You gave a him a stank once over, rolled your eyes, and kept singing.
“If you don’t WANT me, then dont TALK to me.”
“I’m serious, Y/N. You being mad childish right now.”
You turned the volume up on your speaker.
“Then GO ahead AND free yourSEELF.”
Erik clenched his jaw, “All this over a damn movie?”
You glared at him and walked towards the kitchen. He was right behind you, huffing and puffing the whole way. You opened the pantry and grabbed a big bag of kettle popcorn. You strolled over to the kitchen island and sat down on one of the stools.
“Look, stop all this and I’ll watch the stupid movie with you.”
“Time and time again, I tried it over and over,” you sang between bites. “But the love I had inside, has died.”
“Come on now, this shit is ridiculous,” he moved to your side of the island and sat down, trying to grab at you. You pulled back and perched yourself up on your knees to sit over him.
“Go. Ahead. To. Someone. Else.” You chanted, tapping your index finger into his forehead with every word.
Erik grabbed your wrist, getting more agitated with you, “I’m warning you, Y/N. You better stop.”
You kissed your teeth and snatched your hand back. With all the dramatic energy you could muster, you threw your head back and your arms out, bellowing out with the screaming songstress.
“IF YOOUU DON’T WAANNT MEEE THEN DON’T TAALK TO MEEE. GOOO AHEAAD AND FREEEE YOURSEEELFFF!”
Erik winced at your screaching. You threw your hand up at him and shook your head side to side.
“I had to take it there, I had take it there. Cause I’m TIRED.“
He flared his nostrils at you. That right leg started bouncing again.
“IF YOU DON’T WANT ME, THEN DON’T TAALK TO M—.”
“Goddamnit, Y/N!” Erik yelled. He quickly scooped you up and walked you over to the couch. You yelped as he plopped both your bodies down and leaned over you, a scowl on his face.
You blinked up at him innocently. His eyes scanned over your chubby, brown face. He sighed, still sneering a little.
“Why do I even put up with your ass?”
Fantasia continued to croon in the background as you stared back at him, batting your eyelashes.
“Cause you love me...” You said with a shy smile.
Erik let out a soft chuckle and dropped his head. He was lowkey happy to hear you say something besides those damn song lyrics. Reaching around you, he turned the speaker off.
He shifted both of your bodies sideways and laid behind you. He snuggled his head in your neck, causing you to whimper a little.
“Cue the damn movie,” Erik said, wrapping an arm around your waist.
You giggled, grabbing the remote off the table and turning on the TV. The opening scene of Love & Basketball faded onto the screen. You moved your head to face his and smiled, running your nails through his beard.
“You are something the fuck else, I swear.” He mumbled as he peppered kisses up your neck and along your face. He captured your lips into a full kiss as he pressed himself against your backside. “Spoiled ass.”
“E...” you moaned, pushing back against him.
Erik pulled back and sent a hard smack to your ass, causing you to squeal.
“I’ma watch this shit with you now but I got something for that ass later on,” he said with a smirk while he rubbed the sting away. “You ain’t really start singing yet.”
“The neighbors gon learn my name today or whatever Trey Songz said.”
——
Alright, I hope y’all got a good little chuckle out of this.
Let me know what ya think! 😁
562 notes · View notes
starrybbarnes · 5 years
Text
the 5 times you serenaded Bucky, and the one time he serenaded you. [b.b.]
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader
Summary: there are 5 times you sang to bucky, and 1 where he signs to you :) aka an insight on my music taste. 
Word Count: 3684 (a whole ass story, y’all.)
Author’s note: this has taken me about 2-3 weeks to write. the writer’s block is strong. also, school has started for me, so maybe this’ll motivate me to start doing drabbles/shorter writings. as always, feedback is appreciated!
Warnings: some swearing, drug use (?), lowkey fluff that makes you cry, the fact that its a long ass fic?? need I say more. 
The First Time
It was a total accident. No, seriously. Bucky swears on it. 
No, Bucky didn’t walk in on you half-naked or sneaking out the window. He accidentally heard you sing. 
You shouldn’t be surprised though, as you always had a musical inclination. Whether it be singing, humming, strumming your guitar, or creating a beat with your pencil, music had always occupied your time. Today, it just happened to be laundry day, and you were singing along to the Chain while folding your clothes. 
It was a warm summer afternoon, and you had left the door to your room, so in Bucky’s defense, you weren’t technically singing in private. 
And so there you were, folding some t-shirts, practically screaming the lyrics. Of course, whenever one is singing obnoxiously loud, there’s always someone that is listening.
You and Bucky are on good terms with each other and talked a lot. However, you were harboring a crush, but you simply can’t tell whether or not he feels the same. With his actions, it clearly shows that he cares deeply for you, but his words say otherwise (or lack thereof). It’d be frustrating sometimes, and your song choices would reflect that. 
Running in the shadows
Damn your love, damn your lies
Bucky’s ears perked up in the kitchen, hearing the harmonies bouncing across the walls. He thought his mind was playing tricks because it was like the world stopped making noise to make room for the voice. 
He placed his drink down, and slowly started walking towards the music. As he walked closer, he heard the harmonies much more clearly. Whoever was singing honestly knew what they were doing, and they were really good at it. 
His steps slowed down as he realized whose voice it was when he reached the doorway. There he saw you, immersed in your laundry while you were passionately singing. He was blown away by how you sang, while also listening to the nature of the song. Something in him just a mile a minute, and now everything makes sense.
As the song ends, you turn off your speaker and turned to face the door. You gasped and drop some freshly folded shirts to the floor.
“Jesus, Bucky!” you sighed in relief, “let me know when you’re staring at me!”
Bucky couldn’t muster out an apology, he was left dumbfounded. “You… sing... Pretty?”
“Not sure if that’s a compliment, but I’ll take it,” you said while laughing. “I’m not sure how much you heard, but hopefully I wasn’t bothering you.”
“N-No!” Bucky stammered, “I heard almost everything, but it was amazing. Almost made me drop my orange juice.” 
Your face softened as you walked closer to Bucky, and reached for his cheek. “Guess I’m your siren now, Buck. Come on, I’ll show you some of my other favorite ‘tunes’ to sing to.”
。。
The Second Time 
Bucky had now been accustomed to the singing heard around the compound. Every time he could, he’d compliment you on it, showering accolades on accolades. And every time, your face would flush pink.
One of Bucky’s favorite parts of hearing you sing is actually hearing you sing songs that never in a million years he would consider his favorites. But sometimes, when he was too engrossed in hearing you sing, that he wouldn’t pay attention to the lyrics.
You were in the kitchen, chopping up some cucumber for your dish, the song Keeping Tabs playing in the background. This was one of Bucky’s favorite songs to hear you sing to. It was super mellow and your harmonies complimented it perfectly. 
Bucky was seated on the couch, reading a magazine while Steve sat across from him, taking a super-soldier nap. Even Steve would agree that your singing would lull him peacefully to sleep. 
As you were cooking, the chorus started playing and you were singing along: 
I've been tripping off the tabs in my room
I don't know why, baby, but I'm feeling blue
You didn’t notice Peter walking into the kitchen, a look of confusion washing over him. “Uh, Y/N?” Peter chimed.
“What’s up kid?”
“I don’t mean to sound like a fossil, but why is Mr. Bucky singing to a song about drugs?” 
You motioned to Peter to shut the hell up, but it was too late. Bucky’s eyes went wide, and simply said, “what?”
Peter started to dig his own grave, “yeah! This is like, one of Y/n’s favorite songs! I don’t get why though since she doesn’t do ecstasy.”
As if on cue, Steve woke up and just heard “y/n” and “ecstasy” and his eyes shot open. 
“You do ecstasy, Y/N?” Steve half yelled, half choked. 
You turned to Peter, motioned slicing across his neck, and he seemed to have shut up almost instantly.
Bucky just stood there, trying to comprehend how a mellow song could have such outlandish connotations, and just whispered: “but you sing so innocently, how can that be possible.”
You started chuckling, “Buck, it literally says it in the name.”
“I thought it meant the other keeping tabs! Like checking up on someone!” Bucky argued. 
“He’s literally saying he takes an ounce of shrooms, Bucky!”
You just heavily sighed as you placed your hands on your head, and started laughing almost bordering crying. Bless Bucky’s pure soul.
Bucky speaks up. “Well, can I keep a tab on you while taking you out tomorrow? My treat.”
“Smooth, Barnes,” you chirped, “But you’re still an idiot. But I love you for it. A date sounds wonderful.”
Peter and Steve looked back at each other and back to each other.
“Suddenly I think maybe these two are on drugs.” Steve comments.
“Uh, I think the word you’re looking for is love, Mr. Rogers sir,” Peter piped up, earning an eye roll.
。。
The Third Time 
“Y/N?? Y/N??” Bucky kept repeating your name all over the compound. He knew you were out and about with the girls, but he swears he heard your laughter somewhere. 
There had been an uptick of chaos and work, causing your peaceful moments of music to cease altogether. Bucky doesn’t like to admit it, but he truly does miss it. The silence has been driving him nuts. 
And he knows that you’ve been extra stressed as well. He just wanted to have a nice day in and spend quality time with you. He even brought in a pot of jasmines to help destress your room. But for the life of him, he just couldn’t find you.  
Just then, Bucky runs into Sam, who happens to be rubbing his temples. It looked like he was nursing a horrible headache. 
“Sam! Whoa, you ain’t looking too good,” Bucky started, you all right?” 
“Man, my ears are ringing,” Sam complained, “I don’t even know where it’s coming from! And what’s with the pot of flowers? Are they for your girlfriend.”
Bucky’s face flushed pink. Of course, no one knows you and Bucky are dating, but Sam knows better. 
“What makes you say that?” Bucky said a little too cooly.
“You think I haven’t seen you running around the place, Tin Man,” Sam replied, “I haven’t seen you this frantic since the time you were accusing everyone of eating your leftovers.”
“The pizza was handmade, Sam!” 
“Whatever. Did you check everywhere?” Sam inquired. 
Bucky sighed, “I’ve looked everywhere I think she’d be, but no luck. I know she’s stressed but I haven’t seen her at the places she enjoys to destress!”
Bucky’s voice raised a little too loud for Sam’s liking, causing him to wince in pain. 
Sam huffed, “look, I don’t think you’ve checked everywhere. Because I think Metallica has taken over the newly built studio, and god does my head hurt.” 
Something clicked in Bucky’s head that made him run in the opposite direction, towards the music studio that Stark had built. Bucky hollered a goodbye, leaving Sam to raise an eyebrow.
“Be safe, man! And careful with your Jasmines!” Sam yelled, walking towards the kitchen, mumbling about the youth and their music.
Bucky reached the studio but didn’t hear a sound. Did Sam play a prank on him? Was it just a plot to reveal that you and Bucky are dating?
As he places the pot of flowers next to the door, suddenly, a red ‘on-air’ light flashes on, and as Bucky leans his ear against the door, he hears you go A one two three, GO!
Soundly the loud riff of a guitar opens up the song, and Bucky hears you literally scream out the opening lines: 
When I get to the bottom I go back to the top of the slide
Where I stop and I turn and I go for a ride
Till I get to the bottom and I see you again
He was taken aback by a cacophony of noise when the drums started booming he almost fell back as to how loud the music was even through a closed door. As he opened the door, he really didn’t know what to expect, but all that changed when he saw a familiar someone. 
There you were, hair up in a high ponytail, wearing a teal crop top and black shorts, sweating and screaming your absolute lungs out while playing the lead guitar. On your right was Shuri, who was going ham on the bass guitar, and on your left was MJ strumming along to the electric guitar, and a very energetic Ned is playing the drums at the back.
Bucky had never seen such chaos, and to top it all off, he spotted Peter running around with an ashtray that is on fire and it’s over his head. 
Turns out, you were playing Helter Skelter. Bucky had never seen you this passionate over a song, let alone seen you perform. He was in awe, kind of scared, and kind of turned on. 
As the song came to an end, you asked “how’s that?” which caused Ned to fling his drumsticks across the studio and shout, “I’ve got blisters on my fingers!”
You applauded your friends and told them to take a break, to meet back in 20 minutes. The kids left, Ned simply saying “this was fucking awesome.”
The studio is now completely quiet, only you and Bucky staring at each other. You, heaving breathing and coughing, Bucky wide-eyed. It’s become a tradition. 
You spoke first, “like what you heard?”
Bucky was rendered speechless. “I mean, it’s music.”
“You don’t sound too sure of it,” you chuckled, walking up to Bucky and giving him a peck on the cheek. “I heard you were looking for me.”
“I wanted to take you on a small date to help you destress, I even brought you some Jasmines,” Bucky said softly, crouching on the floor to retrieve the small pot.
“Bucky... You didn’t have to.”
“But I want to because you keep blowing me away with the talent and amazing voice of yours,” Bucky compliment.
“I think of it more of anguished screaming, but that works too,” you gushed, fiddling with your guitar.
“Can... I join you in your destress screaming? Maybe after I’ll make sure you do a more desired type of screaming, eh?” Bucky suggested as he winked at you.
You smacked him on the arm, “you’re super gross, you know that? But, an offer is an offer.”
Bucky started to move in and kiss you, but at the last second, you started playing your guitar and screaming Helter Skelter again. Earning a ‘menacing glare’ from Bucky and uncontrollable laughter from you.
。。
The Fourth Time 
By now, Bucky shouldn’t be surprised at the music library you have collected over the past year you’ve been dating. He has heard every song you’ve heard more than once, and can now be considered a reliable karaoke partner.
It’s Friday night, and you are ‘looking out’ for the ‘kids'. Shuri is hosting a huge house party in Wakanda, and since no one is going to be home, T’Challa had it bestowed upon you and the Avengers (with the exception of Banner and Stark) were to make sure the party was ‘safe’ and ‘sane.’ Whatever that meant.
And so now here you all were, ‘chaperoning’ the party. AKA, you, Nat, Wanda, and Shuri doing a shot-ski in the kitchen. 
Vision did the honors of being the house DJ for the night, and it turns out that the microwave does have good taste in music. 
The party was going strong, and everyone was having a good time. The party was 90’s theme, everyone was looking fresh out of Teen Vogue. 
It was a miracle Bucky decided to ‘dress up’ for the occasion. Or rather, dress down. Bucky had on straight cuffed jeans (that you did), a white Greenday shirt, and a dark green windbreaker. Despite Bucky’s hair being on the slightly long side, he was able to execute the DiCaprio part perfectly (with some help from you). 
To compliment Bucky’s outfit, you wore form-fitting denim shorts with a green striped tank. Picture Fran from the Nanny, but obviously 10 times cuter.
The party was in full swing, banger after banger was blasting. You tried your very hardest to drag Bucky to the dancefloor, but he kept his composure. You on the other, were tipsy and ripping it up on the dancefloor. Some say you battled a kid to a shuffle battle, but you can’t confirm nor deny it.
It was 1 in the morning and saw Bucky stifle a yawn. You simply asked, “Wanna call it a night?” and Bucky purposely started falling onto you, feigning a snore. 
“C’mon sleepy-head, let’s head out,” you giggled. You approached Shuri and told her that you guys were going to retreat back.
“Aw no!” Shuri cried out, “Don’t be old, guys! Just one more song.”
“I think I’m tuckered out, Shuri,” you replied, “babysitting a fossil really tires you out.”
“I literally didn’t move all night, babe,” Bucky said, rolling his eyes. The two of you said your goodbyes to Shuri and started out the door. Grabbing hold of your hand, you were about to exit, and as you and Bucky were about to open the door, you heard the beat drop:
Hennessy on my lips, take a little sip
Privacy on the door, I'ma make the shit grip
All logic flew out the window as you bolted to the dancefloor, leaving Bucky in the dust. You caught up to Shuri, screaming the lyrics in unison. It was none other than My Type, your go-to dancing song. 
Bucky had the most confused look he’s seen in a while, and had every right to. He never saw this side of you, much less the side where you’re twerking upside down in the middle of the dancefloor.
To be fair, it’s a really raunchy song, and after the ‘shrooms’ incident, you’ve tried to keep your song choices decent. Key word tried.
You made your way to where Bucky was standing, still very much screaming the lyrics. When the song got to Eight-inch big, ooh, that's good pipe, you looked at Bucky like he was a full course meal. Bucky couldn’t stop laughing, face flushed absolutely pink from embarrassment. 
You kept rapping the lyrics and you’re pretty sure you would’ve taken him then and there. You got up all over him, albeit trying your best to give your bedroom eyes, but failing miserably.
“Babe, I really think it’s time to head out,” Bucky chuckled, trying so hard to suppress any moods he was starting to feel.
“But I wanna dance on you foreverrr,” you cooed while leaning on Bucky for support, “I wanna siIing to youu.”
“We’ll do it later, babe, promise,” Bucky said in a low voice. He saw you pout and when you wouldn’t budge, he held you over his shoulder and made his way out.
Shuri couldn’t stop cackling, and as the door closed behind the party, you simply hollered, “that’s my type, bitch, that’s my type!” 
。。
The Fifth Time
There were days you couldn’t sleep. Whether it be from all-nighters, stress, nightmares, or you drink a little too much coffee, sometimes your eyes wouldn’t close. It was customary for you to just stargaze in the living room window until sleep overcame you. 
Sometimes Bucky would join you. You knew how bad his nightmares got, and you be there to ease him through it. Sometimes the two of you would deliberately stay up to stargaze.
Tonight might have been one of Bucky’s worst nightmares to date. You were in the kitchen, brewing tea. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Bucky slowly making his way towards you. Eyes filled with sorrow, bags deeper than they’ve been in a while.
You turn to him and rub his back while he breathes heavily on your shoulder. You hand him a mug and stare at him with concern.
“Do you wanna watch a movie or stargaze?” you offered, wrapping your arms around his stomach as you listen to his heartbeat steady. 
Bucky shook his head and softly said, “can you actually sing a melody for me?”
It’s been a while since you’ve sung, but nonetheless, you happily agreed. The two of you made your way to the couch and took out the mattress from there. Bucky laid his head on your lap and you draped a blanket between the two of you.
You slowly began to massage Bucky’s head, and almost instantly, he started to doze off. You asked FRIDAY to play a simple beat and you started singing softly:
Last night, boy, I met you, yeah
When I was asleep
You're such a dream to me
It was R.E.M., one of your favorite songs to sing and listen to when you wanted to fall asleep. Sure enough, Bucky started to yawn and his heartbeat was slowing down. His eyes were filled with love and peace, and he couldn’t stop smiling while hearing you sing. 
You kept singing along while running your hands through his hair. Moments like these made Bucky eternally grateful for your compassion from him.
You then sang your favorite verse: "I love you—who starts a conversation like that?" Nobody but I do. You startled yourself as to how quiet you said that specific part, for fear of waking Bucky up. 
Bucky turned to look at you and said I love you back. Tears had formed in both of your eyes. After two years of dating, the words were uttered and things started to fall into place. 
Bucky kissed you tenderly on the lips, passion growing between you too. Foreheads were touching, and you finally finished the song by singing If you can believe, you're such a dream to me. 
The two of you fell asleep into each other’s arms. Morning came, and you saw the sun come up, and Bucky holding on to you. 
It really did feel like a dream, and you couldn’t be more in love with him.
。。
The One Time Bucky Sang to You
It was a warm September evening, and Bucky decided to take you out on a picnic. He argued the day was too beautiful to go to waste, so he just had to take you out.
And so the two of you went about 10 minutes down the road of the compound, where the lake was beaming brighter than ever. It seemed that someone had come beforehand to decorate the picnic area, as there was a decorated table with a floral centerpiece. 
The sun was setting, so Bucky started lighting up a fire. His eyes were filled with indescribable joy. 
He then pulled out a guitar that was hiding under the table and started to tune it. “I started taking guitar lessons about 2 months ago, and I wanted to surprise you!”
“Oh Buck,” you gushed, “you’re an absolute sweetheart!”
You snuggled up closer to him, and he started slowly strumming the guitar and singing:
Who knows how long I've loved you
You know I love you still
Will I wait a lonely lifetime
If you want me to, I will
You recognized the song as I Will, the first song you’ve ever taught yourself to sing and play. It was a simple love song, and here was Bucky singing it with so much pride. 
You decided to harmonize with him, and seeing his eyes light up made you fill with love. Bucky ended the song and leaned in to kiss you.
“Do you remember the first time I told ya that I love ya?” Bucky spoke up as he leaned his head onto yours.
You intertwined hands. “It was when I sang R.E.M. for the first time, wasn’t it?”
Bucky nodded in agreement, “About 2 years ago, and when I tell you I felt that I really did. It made me realize that you have loved me unconditionally. Even when we first met, you had so much compassion for me, and I really can’t thank you enough. Not to mention that your voice has come down from heaven itself” 
Your heart was swelling and you started to tear up, “and I can’t thank you enough either, Buck. You are my eternal sunshine, and you know how much I love to sing to you.”
“Your singing was like the light at the end of the tunnel, as cheesy as it sounds,” Bucky laughed, “everyone says you were my siren, but I shook it off. But, I truly believe it.”
“Which is why, Y/N Y/L/N,” Bucky started, as he pulled out a navy velvet box from his pocket, “would you do me the honor of being my siren until the end of time? Will you marry me?”
You started to cry and yelled an inaudible YES! as you embraced Bucky into a hug. Tears of joy streamed down both of each other’s faces, and you couldn’t stop smiling.
“Do you wanna sing Helter Skelter in the middle of nowhere?” Bucky offered as he picked up the guitar.
“For my love,” you started, “I’d sing any day for you.” 
137 notes · View notes
calpalirwin · 4 years
Text
Mixtapes
Tumblr media
Summary: You were just a seventeen year old girl with an incredible knack for learning when you crashed into Ashton Irwin. It was hard for him not to fall for a girl who was as phenomenal as you were and it was hard for you not to fall for a man who thought you were so much more than a girl four and half years his junior. Maybe age really was just a number. After all, you wouldn’t be seventeen forever.
A/N: @carebearofriddles​ shared this lovely idea with me, so I’ve been happily bringing this to life (she has the BEST ideas y’all!). It’s a longer blurb, but I hope you’ll enjoy reading it all the same.
And away, and away we go!
~~~
“Focus, Y/N,” your coach told you from behind the batting cage. “Breathe in, out, swing. You got this.”
You nodded your head, your cleats digging into the dirt as you adjusted your feet ever so slightly. Your loosened and tightened your grip on your bat, looking for that sweet spot. Your gaze shifted to the scout manning the pitching machine. This is it, Y/N, don’t blow it. You took in a slow breathe. “Pitch,” you instructed. You let out your breath as the ball came flying at you. Muscle memory took over as your bat left your shoulder, your body pivoted, and the ball clanged off your bat and soared into the back off the batting cage, rattling the fence when it stuck.
“Dang,” the scout whistled. “How old are you, again?”
“17,” you beamed proudly.
“Welcome to the USA Olympic Softball team, Y/N. We’re happy to have you.”
~~~
You couldn’t stop grinning. You had been playing softball since you were old enough to swing a bat. You were graduating high school next month- a year early- and were already accepted to your local state university to their psychology program and their softball team. And now, you’d be training to go play in the summer Olympics next year. Life, you decided, was pretty damn sweet.
To channel the euphoric emotions coursing through you, after a shower and change of clothes, you set out to create a musical piece.
It wasn’t much, as you never put lyrics in your pieces, choosing to let the music speak for itself in it’s raw and unaltered form. You had been playing instruments almost as long as you had been playing softball. Piano you had picked up first, courtesy of a Christmas gift for piano lessons. Drums you had learned shortly after, when you got caught pounding on your older brother’s kit and instead of pounding you, he taught you. Bass had been a recent acquisition, this time thanks to your softball coach who took an interest in your interests off the field.
Your apparent genius had a name: Savant Syndrome. And while it earned you more than your fair share of stares and whispers, you were humble. While your ability certainly gave you an edge, no one could deny how hard you worked to be at the top of your game. Gifted or not, you worked just as hard, if not harder, than anybody else. And it was paying off in ways you had only dreamed about.
~~~
Your announcement of punching your ticket to the Olympics quickly threw you into the spotlight.
“So, Y/N, you are 17, is that correct?” the interviewer asked you.
You nodded. “Yes.”
“And you’re starting at your local university here in a few months, yes?”
Again, you nodded. “Yeah, I graduated high school back in June, so I’ll be attending the local university here in another month.”
“Congratulations. What will you be studying?”
“Psychology.”
“And is it safe to assume you’ll be playing softball?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“So, Y/N. You’re a 17 year old girl. What do you do when you’re not playing softball? Mall with your friends? Dating?”
You laughed. “Yeah, I hang out with my friends. But, in my spare time, I like to make music.”
“So, no boyfriend, then?”
You laughed again, not sure what else to do. Was this going to be your life? Dodging questions about your dating life, or lack thereof? “I’m a little busy for that. The music keeps me pretty busy.”
“Music? I thought you played softball?”
You held back an eye roll. Did interviewers even listen if it wasn’t the answer they wanted to hear? “I do a lot more than just play softball,” you answered, getting a little annoyed now.
“Like what?”
You were going to scream. Instead, you forced a smile. “I make music. I study for classes. I hang out with my family and friends. I just keep my head down and keep busy.”
~~~
“That was such bullshit,” you growled at your coach after the interview was over.
“I know, Y/N, but you did great. You kept a cool head.”
“Is that what I have to look forward to? Questions about boys and dating?”
“You’re a pretty teenage girl, Y/N. So, unfortunately yes.”
“That’s bullshit…”
“I know. Go channel it.”
So you did, in the form of a drum heavy, pissed off, 8 minute rant.
~~~
“Oh, my bad!” you apologized as you stopped in your tracks, after almost colliding with the tall man in front of you. You looked up and your eyes locked on a hazel gaze underneath a cloud of long brown curls. You knew exactly who this was. “Holy shit… you’re…” you breathed.
“You good?” Ashton Irwin asked, nodding at the stain seeping into your shirt, from your knocked over drink.
You looked down at your shirt. “Oh, yeah,” you laughed nervously. “Only water. Is your beer okay?”
“No harm, no foul,” he said. “Can I buy you a new water?”
“Oh, you don’t have to,” you brushed him off.
“Nah, it’s my fault you’re wearing your drink. I wasn’t looking where I was walking.”
“It’s okay, honestly,” you assured him.
“I won’t take no for an answer, Y/N,” he smiled, his dimple showing, and you felt your heart race in your chest. Ashton Irwin wanted to buy you a new water and he knew who you were? Wow…
“You… you know who I am?” you asked as you walked faster to keep up with his long strides as he went in search of a drink stand.
“Course I do. Big fan of the Olympics.”
“I haven’t even gone yet.”
“I know. I like to keep updated on who’s going. Word on the street is, you’re gonna win your team the gold. Powerful swing, fast feet, quicker hands. Phew, you’re dangerous, sweetheart.”
“I’m not that good,” you mumbled as your cheeks flushed.
“Aw, she’s modest, too,” he grinned. “You’re phenomenal. Don’t let anyone tell you any different. 1 water please.”
Your cheeks flushed a deeper red as he handed you the water bottle. “Thanks.”
“See you around, Y/N,” he winked, placing a hand on your shoulder before disappearing in the crowd.
You took a drink of your water. What the hell had just happened?
~~~
Good luck, Y/N! your phone pinged.
Ash? How did you know I was playing today? you messaged back, holding back a grin. He had messaged you for the first time shortly after your run-in, and he messaged you at least once a day either to wish you luck or to remind you that you were phenomenal. You had already written 2 songs about him. Lovestruck ones about how sweet he was, and how it could never happen because you were 17, and he had just turned 22.
Gotta keep tabs on my favorite girl.
Your face flushed. Ash, you really shouldn’t say things like that.
But it’s true. Let me take you out for coffee when you get home. I miss you.
Ash, you barely know me.
Bullshit. We’re famous, sweetheart. Everybody knows us.
~~~
“Stop!” you giggled, throwing a straw wrapper at him.
“What you did! You were phenomenal out there. As always.”
You kept giggling. You had been friends with Ashton for almost 8 months now. Friends as your age gap was still a big concern for you. But, there was no denying the chemistry that was between the two of you. “I’m really not.”
“Hey! What did I tell you? You are phenomenal. Don’t let anybody tell you otherwise. That includes you.”
“But if I do that, then I won’t have you to remind me,” you smiled over at him.
“Oh, I’ll always remind you. Don’t worry about that.”
“Promise?”
“Promise,” he said, then his lips were on yours. A brief, soft kiss. You were about to melt into it, but your brain screaming at you that this was wrong was too much to ignore.
“No!” you gasped, pulling away. “Ash, no… Don’t do that…”
“What? Don’t kiss you? Y/N, do you know how long I’ve been waiting to do that?”
“Ash… I’m… you’re… we’re…”
“You turned 18 yesterday,” he reminded you.
“You’re still way older than me! This… this… no. No, Ash.”
“Really? You’re still gonna pull the age-gap card? You’re 18! And don’t you dare sit there and say you haven’t been thinking about kissing me.”
You opened your mouth to protest, but he was right. Of course you had thought about kissing him. You had 7 songs sitting on your computer that were all about him and wanting to kiss him. Songs he would never hear. “Ash, we live totally different lives. We can’t do this.”
“Different lives? Yes, okay. You’re in college, and I’m a rockstar. Sure. But we’re both in the public eye. We’re still really good friends. Friends who have more than friends feelings towards each other.”
“No!”
He sighed. “Alright. Fine.”
After that encounter you had 8 songs about him.
~~~
“Move in with me.”
“What?!”
“Move. In. With. Me.”
“Ash!”
“Y/N!”
“I can’t just move in with you!”
“Yes you can! You’re going to be a sophomore in college, you can’t possibly like staying in that crapped dorm. I have plenty of room at my place. Plenty of privacy, too, as I’m hardly ever home.”
“I’m not dating you, Ashton.”
“I’m not asking you to, Y/N.”
“Good. As long as we both know that I’m moving in as a friend.”
He put up his hands in surrender. “Just friends.”
Your eyes narrowed at your “friend” and his hazel eyes that were full of trouble. “Fine. I’ll move in with you.”
“Great! I’ll help you pack.”
~~~
“No! I’m not ready! Can’t you understand that!” you screamed at Ashton.
“This is bullshit! You’re 20 years old, Y/N! We’re not those same kids from 2 and a half years ago! Nobody cares about the stupid age gap!” he screamed back, his eyes shining with tears.
“I do! I care! I just turned 20! You’re gonna be 25! That’s a huge difference!”
“No, it isn’t! Not to me anyway!”
“Well, good for you!”
“I can’t do this… God, I can’t keep doing this! Grow up, Y/N.” He grabbed his jacket and stormed towards the front door.
“What?! You’re just gonna leave?! Ashton, get back here!”
“I need to get to the studio, Y/N,” he said, his voice suddenly soft. “We can talk more when I get back, but honestly, I don’t know if I’m going to want to. I just… I need space. Hell, maybe we both do.” And with that, you were left alone in your shared home, wondering if it was even yours anymore. You were losing him, as a roommate, as a friend, as a potential lover, and for what? For being too afraid of your feelings? No, that wasn’t good enough. Ashton was right. It was time to grow up and stop being a scared little kid. You were phenomenal and it was time to start acting like it. So, you did what you did best. You created music. And this time, he was going to hear you.
Your fingers shook as you typed out the message.
If you show this to anyone, I’m moving out, and you’ll never hear from me again. It’s called You, Me, Us.
Before you could overthink, you attached the audio file and hit send. “Please don’t break my heart,” you whispered before shutting off your phone, terrified of the response.
Ashton’s phone pinged and he was grateful for the interruption. They were stuck on making the last song for the album and nothing they were making seemed like it was good enough. When he saw the notification was from you, he grabbed his headphones and excused himself into a different room.
He read the message first, his heart soaring. He knew how private you kept your music, never letting him so much as catch you doing something as simple as playing. Music was the one thing you had always kept just for yourself. He hit play on the 9 minute audio clip, your voice sounding out, “Alright, Ash… this has been a long time coming, but uh.. Yeah. Here it goes.” The clip was bass heavy, a drum beat looping on repeat, a little upbeat feel from the piano kicking in throughout.
If his heart had soared at your message, it ripped out of his chest with your music. A wordless melody that expressed 2 and a half years worth of emotion you felt towards one man- him. He scrambled around for loose pieces of paper, penning out a response as he hit repeat.
He was on his third listen, his response nearly complete when Calum’s “There you are, mate! We’ve been looking all over for you,” startled him.
“Jesus, Cal!” he exclaimed, a hand flying to his chest, hitting pause and slipping his headphones around his neck. “Damn near gave me a heart attack…”
“Were you crying? You okay?”
Ashton touched a hand to his face, his cheeks wet. Shit, he didn’t even notice, he had been so lost. Ashton sniffed and wiped at his face. “Yeah, I’m good, mate. I think.”
Calum raised an eyebrow, not sure what to believe, so he just dropped it in favor of wondering what his friend had been up to. “What’s this?” he asked, his Vans tapping lightly against the thrown about papers.
“Our last song,” Ashton grinned.
Calum picked up one of the pieces, scanning the title. “Part 2? When did we write Part 1?”
“We didn’t. She did.”
“Oh, shit…” Calum breathed, realizing the weight of the situation. “C’mon, let’s get this recorded for her.”
“Mike, you ready for a solo?” Ashton asked, once he and Calum went into the other room where Luke and Mike were in the midst of a guitar riff-off.
Mike’s note came to a definitive finish. “Solo?”
Ashton nodded, waving the lyrics in his hand. He would sing it himself, but his solo songs didn’t lend themselves well to being added to setlists and this was definitely one he wanted to play on tour. And he knew Mike would be able to get the emotion he needed and deserved a song on the album to showcase more than his incredible guitar playing, even if the man didn’t agree he had the best singing voice. “I only got the words, but I figure we can pair it with some heavy drums, a bitchin bass line, and some piano work. What do you guys say?”
“I say let’s make a hit!” Luke said, excited to have something to work with.
An hour later the four men sat around booth while their song played out around them, grins on their faces. “We gotta make this a single,” Luke said.
“Oh, yeah,” Mike agreed.
“Y/N gets writing credit,” Ashton told them.
“What? She didn’t write this. She’s not even here,” Mike laughed.
“She doesn’t even go here!” Luke added with a laugh of his own.
“Quit quoting Mean Girls,” Calum said with an eye roll. “You idiots do know that this title has Part 2 in it right? Y/N gets credit.”
“Shit, she wrote part 1? Where is it?” Mike asked, his green eyes wide in excitement.
“Not a chance, Mikey. Y/N trusted me that nobody besides me would hear Part 1. Now, get that on a CD for me so I can go home to my girl.”
“Your girl? What? Are you guys finally dating?!” Mike asked, his fingers inching towards Ashton’s phone.
“I dunno, mate, but I’m gonna try,” Ashton told him, moving his phone away from Mike’s hands. “Now, give her writing credit. Put it on the album. Release it as a single. And give me my damn song.”
“I thought it was Y/N’s song,” Luke teased.
“It’s our song,” he corrected, meaning Y/N and himself. Then, “Mikey, so help me God, I will break your fingers if you so much as look at my phone. No one is hearing that song.”
His hand dropped. “But… I need Part 1 to know how to sing Part 2!”
“You sang it fine, mate. Touch the phone, and I’ll break every bone in your damn hands. Are we all in agreement? This song wouldn’t exist without her.”
“Yeah, mate. Single. Album. Writing credit. Here’s her song. Go get your woman,” Calum said, tossing Ashton the CD.
“Let me hear the song!” Mike screamed after the older man as Ashton grabbed his jacket and headed for the door.
“I mean it, Mike. Hands. Broken. Nobody hears Part 1 but Y/N and me.”
~~~
“Y/N? Are you home?” Ashton’s voice called throughout the house. His hand clutched around the CD case, shaking with his nerves. When he didn’t hear you, he went searching, scared he wouldn’t find you, that you had left anyway after your fight earlier that morning. “Y/N,” he breathed, sighing in relief as he found you on your bedroom floor, a suitcase open.
Tears where in your eyes, and you didn’t dare look at him, for fear of crying again. You had been crying all day. “I’ll be done in a minute,” you sniffed.
He crossed the room to you and wrapped you in his arms. “What are you doing, gorgeous girl?” he whispered.
“Giving you your space,” you whispered back, still refusing to look at him. “God, I’m such an idiot…”
“Y/N, you are the smartest person I know. Now, slow down a second. What’s wrong?”
“Everything!” you screamed suddenly, your composure shattering into a million pieces. Why did it feel like he was holding you together? Why did you like it so much? Why were you so in love with a man you could never have? Why was he in love with a stupid kid? “Let me go!”
His response was to hold you tighter as you thrashed against him. “Y/N, stop,” his voice urged. “You’re gonna hurt yourself, baby.”
“I don’t care!” you continued to scream. “Stop calling me that! Stop calling me gorgeous! Stop calling me baby! Stop calling me phenomenal! Let me go! I don’t care!”
“No! I love you, Y/N! And I’m never letting you go.”
His words startled you. He had never said those words to you. All your fights about whether or not you should be together, and he had never said those words. “You what?”
“I love you, Y/N,” he repeated, before crushing his lips to yours.
This time, when you melted into him, the nagging voice telling you this was wrong stayed silent. Your arms wrapped around his neck, holding him to you, as his arms held you tightly, both of you a tangled puddle on your bedroom floor. “I love you too, Ash,” you said when the kiss finally broke, breathless, your lips tingling.
“Good. I have something for you,” he said, getting up and putting the CD into your stereo.
“You wrote me a song?”
“Call it Part 2,” he smiled before he hit play and left the room for you to enjoy the next 3 minutes and 3 seconds in peace.
You were crying before Mike even started singing. By the time the verse hit, you were dancing, the tears falling freely down your face. By the time the song ended, you had no doubt in your mind that you were going to be love with Ashton Irwin for as long as the world kept on spinning.
You went to start the song over, but clapped your hand over your mouth instead. Only Mike’s voice was singing the song, with only Ashton’s voice harmonizing in the background. Mike had done a fabulous job, but in order to the song justice, he deserved to hear Part 1. Which meant you had to share the most vulnerable part of you with someone who wasn’t Ashton. “Oh, no…”
“What? What’s wrong?” Ashton said, sticking his head in, worry written all over his face.
“It’s beautiful,” you told him, throwing your arms around him.
“So, why are you crying then?”
“I have to let Mikey hear Part 1.”
“I, uh… I might have…”
“Ashton!” you growled. “I trusted you!”
“And I didn’t show him! I told him I’d break his fingers if he so much as looked at my phone! I don’t think he’s gonna want to listen cuz of that.”
“Call him over. Tell him I said he needs to hear Part 1, and that his hands are safe.”
~~~
“We need to get to the studio,” Mike said, after listening to Part 1. “Now.”
“Now?” both you and Ashton asked him, bewildered.
“Yes! I can sing this so much better now that I know the emotion behind it! We can’t put the original on our album now!”
“You’re gonna put this on the album?” you squeaked.
“Giving you writing credit, too,” Mike winked at you.
“What? No… No!”
Ashton laughed and twirled you in a circle. “Yes, and yes! The world deserves to know your brilliance, you phenomenal woman!”
“Well, go record the new version, then,” you laughed with him.
“Hey, Y/N, you got any other great hits like that one that we can have Ash write responses to?”
“You’ll never know,” you winked. In truth, you had enough for a whole album yourself. “Oh, and Mikey?”
“Yeah?”
“Nobody finds out that you listened to Part 1.”
“Your secret’s safe with me.”
“I mean it, Mikey. I’d hate for Ash to break those talented fingers of yours.”
His hands went behind his back. “Trust me, I know all about wanting to keep your private life private.”
~~~
“We already recorded it!” Calum groaned. It was 2 am by the time all four men were back in the studio.
“But, I had an epiphany! I know I can sing this song better. I know it!” Mike said.
“Ash,” both Calum and Luke looked at Ashton, begging the oldest for help.
Ashton shrugged. “He’s the one singing it. If he wants to tweak it, that’s his choice.”
“I hate this band…” Luke pouted, sitting down at the piano.
~~~
“So, this song, it’s actually Part 2? Which begs the question, where’s Part 1?” Zach Sang asked.
Ashton laughed. He had been dodging this question in every interview on this press tour. But, you had finally given the okay to reveal the truth, even share Part 1 because you wanted the world to know the whole story and Zach Sang’s interview was the best place as he was an interviewer who actually gave a shit about their art, rather than their personal lives. “It’s a bit of a story,” Ashton continued to chuckle.
“Well, by all means, let’s hear it.”
“So, Y/N and I… we met a few years ago at a music festival. And uh… well, it’s hard not to like that woman, lemme tell ya. She’s phenomenal. Anyway, she was only seventeen back then. So we were just friends, for a long time. And, uh… eventually, when she got older, I asked her to move in with me, as friends. Anyway, jumping ahead, we got in a fight the morning I wrote this song. I’ve never hid my affection for her, and I was getting more than a little mad she wasn’t willing to reciprocate, especially since our age gap isn’t as big a deal now that she’s twenty. And I left for the studio, midfight basically. And we were struggling with this album. I mean, we’ve been working hard, but it was missing something, and we couldn’t figure it out. But then, Y/N sent me Part 1. Being a musician is something she’s always kept very private, so I quickly hid out in another room to listen to it because, my God, she was finally trusting me to listen to her stuff. And like not even 2 hours later we had my response.”
“But Mikey sings it?”
“Yeah. I did it that way on purpose. I want to be able to play this song when we tour, so I can’t really be the one singing it.”
“So, how did you record Part 2 then, if no one’s heard Part 1 besides you?”
“Oh, we re-recorded it after I heard it,” Mike piped up.
Calum, Luke, and Zach all looked at Mike with wide eyes. “You heard it?”
Mike nodded. “Yeah, it’s fantastic. Can we play it?”
“You have Part 1?” Zach asked, excitedly.
Ashton nodded and pulled out his phone. “Y/N wanted me to share it here on your show. Both parts, one right after the other, the full story. It’s long.”
Zach just smiled. “Alright, let’s hear this love story, folks. You, Me, Us Parts 1 and 2, coming at you live from the Zach Sang Show.”
~~~
“Here,” you said, placing a cassette player in Ashton’s hands.
“I don’t have any tapes, gorgeous,” he smiled at you.
“Yes you do,” you told him, tapping the cassette player. “Don’t lose it.”
“Are these your songs?”
You nodded. “There’s only 4, but they’re long. Mikey helped me.”
He pulled you in for a tight hug, covering the top of your head in kisses. “I’ll protect it with my life,” he promised.
~~~
“Baby!” Ashton voice said, laced with panic.
“What?!”
“I need a new tape!”
“What?!”
“The tape! I played it too much! The songs! Baby!” His voice was high and there were tears in his eyes. “I said I would protect it, and it broke! Please! My favorite song!” he continued to panic.
“Hey, relax,” you soothed. “It’s okay.”
“No it’s not! I said I would protect it, and it broke! Stupid antique junk!”
“Ash! Stop. Look,” you said, flashing a new tape. “I’ll overnight it, okay? Just breathe.”
“I’m so sorry…”
“It’s okay,” you smiled at him. The fact that he had played it so much he wore out the tape meant the world to you. You would make him a billion copies if he played each one to their breaking point. “One mixtape straight out of ‘94 heading your way.”
“You were born in ‘99…”
“And the man behind the music is a product of ‘94,” you smiled. “It’ll be there soon, Ash. Don’t worry. I love you.”
“I love you too. And I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. It’s just a tape.”
“No it’s not. It’s our tape.”
~~~
Before he left for his World Way Joy tour, you gave him another tape. “Don’t break this one,” you teased.
“Not funny!”
“It’s a little funny,” you laughed.
“It’s not funny… I was very careful with it…”
“It’s true,” Mike piped up, overhearing the conversation.
“He doesn’t go anywhere without that damn hunk of junk,” Calum scoffed.
“It’s vintage!” Ashton hissed playfully.
“It’s obsolete, mate. Just put those suckers on Spotify, Y/N.”
“Never!” you smiled, hugging Calum goodbye. “Take care of him for me.”
“Always, Y/N, always.”
~~~
When Ashton finally came home, after both the tour and spending the holidays with his family, he was restless.
You rolled over in bed to find it empty. You squinted as you checked the time: 2:13 am. Where the hell is he? you wondered as you got out of bed to search for him.
You found him in the backyard, guitar strumming softly, a cup of coffee on the patio table. “Ash,” you whispered, pulling the blanket tightly around you. “Do you have any idea what time it is?”
“Late?”
“Very… is that coffee?”
“It’s decaf…”
“Come to bed.”
“Can’t sleep.”
“Can’t sleep? Ash, you need to try. Rest your body at least.” Now you were worried. You had noticed the dark circles under his eyes when he came home earlier that afternoon, but you had expected the man to sleep soundly for several hours, not be wide awake at 2 in the morning. This, you decided, was very bad.
“Not. Tired,” came the response and a pluck of guitar strings.
You sighed, but decided not to say anything. Ashton was a grown man and he wouldn’t appreciate you babying him. Instead, you had an idea.
You worked relentlessly on the project, using the research of you thesis project to help you, keeping late hours yourself. Ashton was worried you were pushing yourself too hard, but he also kept his mouth shut. You weren’t giving him shit about his insomnia, so he wasn’t going to give you shit for yours. Instead, he got interested in what his girlfriend was up to.
“Whatcha doing?” he asked, wrapping his arms around you.
Your head snapped up. “Thesis,” you said, pulling out of his arms and out of your seat in front of the keyboard.
“Your thesis has you making music?”
An idea formed in your head. “Yeah,” you said, leading him to the bedroom. “It’s crazy what music does to brain waves, Ash.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“Yeah. It’s like a drug, almost,” you explained, pulling him into bed.
“Mmm, fascinating,” he smiled at you. He loved when your smart side showed in full force even though he had no idea what you were talking about half the time.
“Yeah,” you smiled back, running your hands through his hair. “So, we already know how music makes people feel. There’s this study where they tested the idea of music being therapeutic. What they did is they did a series of surgeries, already planned surgeries, mind you. But they did these surgeries. Some with music playing, some without. And what they noticed was incredible!” you were whispering now as his eyelids drooped lower and lower.
“Mmm, incredible, yeah,” he mumbled.
“Yeah, it’s incredible. And what they realized was that the patients who listened to the music, even though they had no memory of it, they had faster recovery times. And like they mapped how their brains reacted to different kinds of music. And like, that’s what I’m doing! Like what type of music causes our brain waves to do this instead of that type of stuff. God, Ash, it’s so cool!”
“Mmm, very,” he mumbled again, then let out a small snore.
You grinned to yourself. Finally, Ashton was asleep. Now, you just had to find a way to make him sleep like this without boring him to death with research and science. You were almost there. You just needed to run the tests to make sure you could record the perfect lullaby.
~~~
“Here!” you grinned, handing him the tape before he left for his No Shame tour.
“How many tapes do you have, gorgeous?” he laughed, taking the tape anyway.
“Last one, I promise,” you told him. “Just listen to it when you go to bed, okay?”
“Okay,” he told you.
Later that night, he crawled into his bunk on the tour bus, put in the tape, secured his headphones, and hit play. In 5 minutes, he was in the deepest sleep of his life.
“Baby, I don’t know what type of superpowers you put in that last tape, but I swear I haven’t been able to finish it.”
You grinned. Your research had paid off. You had created the perfect lullaby. “Good!”
“No, not good. I want to finish it. I want to hear your music. But every time I’m out like a light. I dunno what it is.”
“It’s the music,” you continued to grin. “Brain waves. Science!” You were laughing now and wiggling your fingers like magic. “The power of sleep compels you!”
He laughed with you. “Thanks baby. I don’t think I’ve ever slept better.”
~~~
“So my last thing… and this counts as 1 thing!” Ashton laughed, pulling out the tape player and 3 cassettes. “This… wow, I never go anywhere without this. Tour, grocery shopping, anywhere.”
“Tell us what it is, Ash,” Calum said from behind the camera.
“Right! It’s uh… it’s a tape player that plays my 3 favorite tapes.”
“What are the tapes?” Mike boomed from behind the camera.
“I’m getting there!” Ashton laughed. “So, my phenomenal girlfriend made me these tapes. And I carry them with me everywhere.”
“He even showers with them,” Luke said, stepping into view.
“I do not!” Ashton protested.
“What’s on the tapes?” Mike asked.
“It’s porn, Mikey,” Calum said.
“Shut up, and let me talk, or get off the set,” Ashton laughed.
“Yeah, let him finish!” Luke said.
“LeT mE fInIsH!” Calum and Mike taunted.
“Anyway…” Ashton said, waving the tapes. “Not porn. My phenomenal girlfriend decided to share her music with me. And because she’s very private about her music, I promised to protect them.”
“It’s cuz it’s porn!” Calum whisper-yelled.
“Is not!”
“Oh, just tell ‘em how you broke one already,” Mike said.
“Right! So… uh, one of these, this one,” he said, waving the tape for emphasis, “is not the original. I played it so much in those first few days I actually broke it. And I called her in a panic to ask for a new one because my favorite song was on it. Still is my favorite. You might’ve heard it. It’s Part 1 of Me, You, Us. Anyway, now I only play the tapes once a day. And, uh, yeah, those are my 5 must haves on tour. I’m Ashton Irwin, thanks.”
“Wait, is that why you’ve been wearing jumpsuits in this era? All those pockets to hold them tapes?” Luke asked, coming back on screen.
“As a matter of fact, it is. If the tapes aren’t physically on me, they’re in a bag by my feet. Always in my line of sight and close to my heart. Y/N, I love you gorgeous. Your tapes are safe with me, baby. I promise. And again, I’m Ashton Irwin, and this has been 5 Things with 5SOS. See you all at the Tokyo Olympics where I’ll be cheering my phenomenal girlfriend as she makes her second debut as shortstop for America’s softball team. Did I mention she was phenomenal? And my girlfriend? Cuz she is!”
40 notes · View notes
liliah39 · 5 years
Text
Crazy Little Game of Love - Chapter 5
Tumblr media
Word Count: 14.5 K (i told you it was long!!) 
Warnings: smut, angst, adorable-ness 
A/N- Hey y’all! I think this is the chapter I’ve been most excited for so far, so I’m having a great time writing it. Just a reminder! when writing is in Italics, it means it’s Y/N’s thoughts. Also, the start of this chapter takes a lot of inspiration from the song Hurricane from Hamilton by Lin Manuel Miranda, so any lyrics used all rights go to him. The beginning is Y/N’s Alexander during hurricane moment. If you’ve seen Hamilton/know the musical you’ll understand what I mean. Also, the opening may seem like it flows kinda odd, but that’s because it’s kinda supposed to be like a stream of consciousness. -C
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
20 Minutes After where we left off:
In the eye of the hurricane there is quiet. 
For just a moment. 
There are some moments, when a teenage girl needs her mum. 
This was one of those moments. 
Has my mum been the best? No. Far from it. She made me never want to return home. But your mum is your mum, no way around it. And it’s times like this I just want to say “Help me! I’m conflicted and don’t know how to deal with breaking my own heart and the heart of the guy I love, what do I do?”
As I lay here floating all I can think is that I want to run in the house and grab the phone and call my mum, cry about how much I miss her, and beg for her advice. 
I have Jer; I have my new mum. 
But I can’t even call her because the main reason for my conflict is because of Spain, if I tell her she’ll tell Freddie. 
My Freddie. 
My rock. My constant shoulder to cry on, and I can’t even tell him. I’ve never felt so alone. 
As a wave pushes me under for just a brief moment, my mind can’t stop racing, insecurities flooding back and forth like the waves that rush the shore. 
What if I’m not good enough?
What if I ruin all my friendships?
What if I go to Spain and die?
As you softly cried you thought about what had gotten you here. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
20 Minutes before hand (Where we left off)
“You’re my love, Y/N.”
One. 
You inhaled to speak. 
“I- I’m sorry Roger, I can’t handle this right now.” You spat out as you hopped off the rock and started toward the beach. Roger grabbed your wrist. 
“Where are you going?” 
“For a swim.” 
“You’re what?” He said, the fear immediately apparent in his voice. 
“I’m going for a swim, Roger. Need to clear my mind.” You said as monotone as possible.
He let out an annoyed laugh at your actions. “I profess my love to you, and you just walk away from me?” He said, raising his voice. 
“I can’t even believe you’d put me in that situation. You can’t just demand things from me, Roger! You expect me to know exactly what I want, -or no! Expect me to say exactly what you want to hear!” You yelled, tears flooding out of your eyes. 
“I just don’t want to bloody lose you, Y/N!” He yelled back. 
You ignored his statement. “I said I was going for a swim.” You said, looking at the ground as you tried to pull your wrist away from his grasp. 
“Please, Love, go for a walk, or a drive, or take a bath, or whatever you need. I won’t bother you with whatever you decide to do, just please don’t go for a swim. You know how I am.”
“You can’t hold me back forever, Roger.” You said coldly, a dual meaning present to you both in your statement. 
His shock from your words allowed you to pull your wrist free, as you quickly walked into the ocean and dove in, hearing Roger scream your name behind you. 
As you came up for air, you heard his screams. “Y/N! Are you okay?” 
“I’m fine Roger,” you said annoyed. “Let me fucking relax!” 
“Fine, I’m sitting right here, then.” He said plopping right on the shore line. “Remember; I’m sitting here because I care about you and worry about your well being! Apparently, it’s not reciprocated.”
You screamed in frustration. “I did not say that, Roger! Do not put words into my mouth. I don’t care what the hell you do; just don’t bother me while I relax!” 
“Fine!”
“Fine!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And so I lay here, regretting my mistakes as I let the ocean consume the weight of my body. 
“You still okay?” You heard. 
You stuck a thumbs up in the air, the salty water coming in drips off of your arm and plopping on your face and in the water around you.
And then, it came to you. You were staying an extra day for a reason; to enjoy your relationship for an extra day. There was no reason to be having an argument at this moment; you both knew what would happen once you got home, so why not enjoy the last moments you had left together?
You started to swim in with complete intention to stop this argument, but not let him off the hook completely right away. If this relationship was actually going to last longer than the next 24 hours, and there really was a part of you considering it, then Roger needed to learn how to respect you and the decisions you make, plain and simple. As you walked onto the shore, you immediately heard “So, what did y-”
“Don’t talk to me right now, Roger.” You coldly cut him off, grabbing your towel and putting it on top of the flat rock you were laying on earlier. About ten minutes after you laid in the sun, you heard a beach chair being set up snugly to the left of the rock. Through the side of your eye you saw the straggly blonde locks, immediately revealing that it was Roger. You expected to hear him say something… 
but it was silent. 
For a good twenty minutes the only sound was the seagulls and the rushing of the waves on the shore. And then, you heard a quiet voice, one similar to a hurt child after being put in a time out, 
“I’m sorry.”
Silence. 
“I shouldn’t have talked to you that way; shouldn’t have pressured you. You gotta understand, this is hard on me too, Love.” He laughed. “I mean, the girl I’ve been trying to get with for almost a year has sex with me five times in a night and then expects me to believe we’ll be nothing more than friends within a matter of days, and that we’ll be mere acquaintances that are countries apart within months? I’m genuinely sorry; I didn’t mean anything I said.” 
Silence. 
You could hear the sadness in his voice. You opened your eyes to see one of his hands resting on the rock while the other held the book he was reading. You reached for his hand as you sat up, earning a gasp from him as a smile explodes on his face as he turned to look at you. There were tears welled in the bottom of his eyes, which made you feel even worse for all the stress you had just put him through. 
“Rog,” You smiled. “We could never go back to being acquaintances after this. Romantic or not, we have something special.”
You saw one tear slide down his cheek. 
“Yeah.” He sadly chuckled. 
“I made a decision,”
“Okay,” he said, lump settling in his throat as he swallowed. 
“And that is to not make a decision.”
“What?”
“... yet.” You hesitantly said, patting the rock next to you, telling him to climb on. “While I was floating out there I realized that the reason we extended this trip was so we could spend more time together before having to make a decision. I love you, Roger, and if these are our last days being able to express it-”
“Don’t say that.”
“But it could be. So if they are, I don’t want to go through them making a decision. And besides, the longer we spend as a couple will have an effect on the decision I make. Yes, it also makes it harder, but nothing in life is easy, is it?” You said, pressing your forehead to his. You were both softly crying, your shoulders simultaneously moving up and down at the apparent ruined dream of your relationship. 
“Can I just ask you a question?” Roger softly said as his eyes flicked around the scene before you and then settled on yours. You nodded your head as he grabbed your hand. “Is this just a fling to you, and that’s why you’re saying we can’t continue a relationship? Because just for my own purposes, since I’ve admitted my feelings for you I need to know if you actually feel the same way.”
You thought this was a moment where actions would speak louder than words, so to prove to him his feelings were reciprocated, you pressed your lips to his, and felt him smile against it, putting his hand up to your cheek as he deepened the kiss a little more. After some time, you pulled away and said, “Of course I feel the same way Rog, my life is just going to be completely turned upside down in a couple months-”
“It’s really almost a year, Y/N.”
“What?”
“I realized it last night when it was like our second time? Maybe it was the third? I don’t know. Anyways, when I flipped you so you were laying on the bed you said ‘I wish I could leave in August of ‘73 instead of ‘72 so we could do this every night.’ Remember that?” You shook your head no. 
“I think I was in so much ecstasy, Rog, that I forgot most of our conversations after the bath.” You giggled. 
“Then that just means I’m as good in bed as I thought I was.” He smirked, leaving you shaking your head as you pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. “But yeah, I thought you were going next semester, but no, you leave in August. That’s ten months away, Love. This is the last I’ll speak of it until I physically drop you off at your dorm, but don’t deny yourself something you so badly want out of fear. Just something to think about.” You nodded your head. “It’s just about 4:00, do you want to go up and get ready for dinner? I was hoping we could go to that really ritzy restaurant, then maybe to the club after?” 
“Sounds perfect.” You smiled, leaning in to kiss him as he hopped off the rock and scooped you up in his arms which gave you that feeling again. 
Bliss. 
Do I actually want to let this go?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You put on your black Peter Pan collared dress, thinking that it’d be dressy enough, and started on your makeup. Just out of curiosity, you yelled through your door to Roger’s room. 
“Rog! What are you wearing?”
“A suit.” He yelled back. 
“A suit?!”
“Yeah, is that a problem?”
“Is it that dressy of a restaurant?”
“Yeah, Love. Five course meal, reservation only, live string quartet, chandeliers. You know, all that kind of stuff.”
“Okay.” You nervously laughed. 
You looked down at your dress. It certainly wasn’t dressy enough. You thought about what you had packed and panicked. You knew you hadn’t packed anything that dressy, but pulled your suitcase apart hoping you’d find something. With the contents of your bag on your bed, and no luck in finding a suitable dress to wear, tears welled in your eyes as you noticed something bulging out of the large, zippered pocket on the inside of the door to your small suitcase. You wiped away a tear as you unzipped the pocket to find a grocery bag tied shut with a large piece of clothing in it, and silver sparkly heels in the pocket under the bag. There was a note taped to the bag that read:
Hello Darling!  If you’re reading this it means my plan worked! Roger told me about the fancy restaurant he was planning on taking you to, and I knew you wouldn’t have packed accordingly, so I stole some of my mum’s heels (did you know you two were the same shoe size?!) and bought you this dress. Don’t worry, I bought it in your size. :) I know it’s not your style, but let’s face it. You wouldn’t have chosen the right style dress for this type of venue even if you knew about it, sorry to make you face the truth, Darling. Hopefully you’ll get to wear this though! And if you ended up not going there, don’t worry, you can wear it to our school’s gala in a couple months! Hope you’re having the time of your life!! Xoxo, Freddie Bulsara but really Farrokh soon to be Mercury.  (P.S. remember when I introduced myself like that?)
A huge smile spread across your face. 
My guardian angel. I’ll never know what I did to deserve him. 
You stepped into your new dress, a gorgeous, floor length, flowy, satin red dress. It had no beading, but an extremely high slit, and it’s thin straps crossed in the back. It was completely elegant, and actually fit you right! You’d have to remember to thank Freddie profusely when you got back home. You put on your dangly silver earrings as you finished your makeup, opting to go with a more glammed up look than you originally had planned, put on a red toned nude lipstick, and kept your hair down as you curled it into soft waves that rolled down your back. 
As you sprayed on your perfume you heard a knock at the door. “It’s been twenty five minutes Love, you almost ready?”
“Yup!” You replied. “You can come in, I’m just putting on the necklace you gave me.” You said as you leaned to look in the mirror of the vanity in your room to put on your necklace. 
(Start playing You Take My Breath Away by Queen from the piano entrance)
Roger’s breath was completely taken away when he first saw you, a huge smile on his face. He quietly walked over to you, standing behind you as he took the necklace from your hands. “Here, let me.” He smiled, as you pulled your hair over your shoulder. After he put the necklace on, he wrapped his arms around you looking at your two reflections in the mirror. “You’re so beautiful, Y/N.” He softly said in your ear. 
Bliss. 
“You ready Rog?” 
He nodded, grabbing your hand as you walked out the door. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As you and Roger walked into the restaurant (a huge building that looked like a large Victorian mansion) with your arm hooked around his, your breath was taken away. There were three floors of seating for guests, all which were open in the center to overlook the ballroom in the center of the first floor. Each table seemed to be spread out enough that each dining party would have an extreme amount of privacy, and they were decorated with beautiful bouquets of roses and candles. On the high ceiling above the ballroom floor, there was a huge chandelier, and there were small ones all around the restaurant. There was a string quartet playing at the front of the dance floor as couples waltzed around it. On each end of the ballroom from the second floor balcony, the area in which you in Roger were standing and what you saw from walking through the entrance, there were huge, picturesque staircases that looked as if they were out of a fairy tale. You’d never seen such a beautiful place in your life. 
“Rog,” You whispered in his ear, “How do you have the money for this place?” You nervously said. 
“Don’t worry about it, a guest and I eat here for free. I’ll explain later.” He smiled, tapping your nose. 
“But how-“ You were cut off as a host appeared in front of you, napkin draped over his arm, hand outstretched to help you down the four stairs to leave the entry way as another worker took Roger’s overcoat, just leaving him in his suit coat. As Roger came down the steps to join you again, immediately hooking his arm with yours, the host said, 
“Good evening, Mr. Taylor. Would you like your usual table?” 
“That’d be perfect.” Roger smiled.
“Right this way.” The man smiled. You were completely in awe. Not only did this already seem like the last place you’d ever find Roger, but now he had his own table? You were shocked to say the least. 
You were led to a table on the left side of the second floor right next to the railing with a perfect view of the string quartet. It was set back around the curve of the balcony, so it was completely isolated, and right next to the opening of the castle-esque stairs. It was perfect. Roger pulled your chair out for you as you sat down, and once your menus were placed in front of you and you two were left alone, you snapped your head up at him, eyes immediately telling him you needed an explanation. You caught him laughing at your curiosity. 
“My great grandfather was the founder of this restaurant. As a result, all the Taylor’s get to eat here for free for all of eternity, plus one guest per Taylor. No joke; he literally wrote it in the expectations/rules for this restaurant when it was passed to the next owner.”
You nodded your head. The scene in front of you was so romantic, it was hard to believe it wasn’t all a dream. 
“Do you want to dance? They always leave twenty minutes before they come to ask which item of the night you’d be choosing for your entré to give everyone time to dance a little. When we come back there will be a bottle of wine, a salad, and tonight’s appetizer. Since it’s a 5 course meal, there isn’t much picking from the menu. Very fancy. But yeah, we’ve got time to dance. Although I must warn you, there’s no disco.” He laughed. 
“Of course I want to dance, Rog.” He got up and outstretched his hand to you as he escorted you to the stairs. You noticed a couple people staring, and assumed it was because Roger’s family was the royalty of the restaurant. Once you got to the dance floor, Roger brought you to the center, and  a new waltz started. Your right hand joined with Roger’s left as your other hand went on his shoulder and his other on your hip. 
The side with the slit, you noticed. 
You noticed more people staring. A couple of the other pairs who were previously on the dance floor paused to watch the two of you dance. You noticed some of the women whispering things in their husbands ears as their gazes focused on the two of you, their hands attempting to subtly point at you and Roger waltzing in the middle of the ballroom floor. 
“They’re all looking at you.” You blushed. 
“No, believe me. They’re all looking at you.” He smiled back. “I’ve gotta warn you love. I’m not a great dancer even though my parents always tried to teach me to ballroom dance when we’d come here when I was young.” 
“You’re doing just fine Rog, to be honest, I don’t really know what I’m doing either.” You laughed as you pointed your leg on the side the slit of your dress was on. The slit went all the way to the top of your hip, and Roger definitely noticed. His hand on your hip slipped a little lower. 
“No underwear?” He smirked. 
“Nope.”
“God, I love you even more each day.” He said, kissing your forehead and shaking his head in disbelief of the amazing girl he held in his arms. 
“Well you would have seen them if I wore them!” You playfully opposed. 
“Hey, I didn’t say to wear them, Baby. There’s never going to be a situation where I encourage you to wear underwear.” He said, making you laugh as you threw back your head in disbelief of how candid he was. You then put your focus at the waltz in front of you, gazing into Roger’s ocean blue eyes as he stared back at you with an eternal love in his eyes. Just the way he was looking at you made you feel more beautiful than you ever had in your entire life. In that moment, you felt so lucky to be Roger Taylor’s girlfriend, and would have done anything to keep it that way. 
Your dinner was absolutely wonderful, and quite honestly the best food you’d ever eaten. Dessert was filled with laughter and admiration as Roger fed you chocolate covered strawberries, which they usually don’t have at the restaurant, but Roger had called ahead of time to have some specially made after checking your favorite dessert with Freddie. It truly made the night your ideal fantasy of the perfect date. 
Roger consistently fed you strawberries from the large plate of forty in the middle of the two of you. The strawberries were made from every kind of chocolate imaginable, from plain milk chocolate to dark chocolate with sea salt and caramel drizzle. You’d never had something so good in your life. He occasionally took one for himself, or would eat one if you held it out to him, but was completely content with resting his chin on his hand as he watched you with admiration. 
“Why chocolate covered strawberries?” He asked as you licked the tip of the strawberry he held in front of your mouth before taking a large bite of it. In the candlelight, your large eyes sparkled with a light of false innocence. You knew exactly what you were doing with your movements, pleased that you could make him flustered with just a lick of a strawberry and the batting of your eyes.  
“What do you mean?” You said, broken from your trance. 
“Why are they your favorite?”
“How did yo-”
“Freddie.” He smiled. 
“Wow, Mr. Roger Taylor. I must say I’m impressed. You’ve really done everything to surprise me, make me happy, take me on lavish dates,” you said, reaching across the table to grab his hand. “Every girl dreams of a man like you. This has easily been the most romantic night of my life.”
“Your boyfriend loves you.” He gushed, a smile on his face from ear to ear. You leaned across the table to press a kiss to his lips. “But really, why chocolate covered strawberries? I’m curious.”
“Oh I don’t know, really, I don’t. Strawberries and chocolate alone are alright, but together it’s just like they were made for each other,” 
Pause.
“like us.” 
He was so happy by what you said, he couldn’t even speak. It was in this moment he knew you’d choose him once you got home. The connection between the two of you was too strong. 
“One more dance, Love?” 
You nodded. “Wait, can we take the rest of the strawberries home?”
He laughed. “You’re adorable.”
He walked over to you, reaching a hand out as he spun you, your dress slightly flying up and cascading around you. With a kiss on your cheek, he walked over to a server, asking for the remaining strawberries to be wrapped up, and coming back to you, leading you to the ballroom floor for the last time that night. 
After sharing one more dance, the two of you walked arm in arm to Roger’s car, giddy like school children as you pressed yourself closely into his body. You stopped, looking up into the sky at the crystal clear night above you, the stars glistening brighter than you ever remembered seeing before due to your close proximity to the ocean. You turned to face Roger arms wrapping around his neck as his laid on your waist. 
“Look how beautiful they are.” You said smiling, head angled toward the sky. “This all just seems too good to be real. I mean, I know it is, but like I said before, this doesn’t happen every day. This is the kind of date girls dream of.” You said, pressing your nose to his. 
“Well I’m only dreaming of one girl.” He said just loud enough for the two of you to hear as he caressed your cheek in his hand, slowly locking your lips together. Your eyes fluttered shut, as the kiss deepened, your lips moving perfectly in sync. The kiss remained slow, yet passionate. There was no lust behind the kiss to drive it to push faster speeds. The kiss was purely love. 
By the time you got back to the house it was about 9:30, and Roger scooped you up and carried you in his arms with plans to carry you all the way to your bedroom. “Roger!” You laughed with your arms around his neck. “You can put me down to unlock the front door.”
“No I can’t,” he smiled. 
“And why would that be?” You said as he finally got the door open and walked inside. 
“Have you seen yourself tonight?”
“Huh?”
“You look like a bloody princess, Y/N. You were honestly the most beautiful girl there. You see how jealous the other women were? Much dressier than anyone else was. Can’t let my princesses feet touch the ground.” He smiled, pressing his nose to yours as his words of affection made you giggle. 
Once you arrived at your room, he sat in the middle of your bed still cradling you in his lap, your large dress fanned out over your bed with your leg out of the slit. With one arm under your head, Roger lovingly looked down at you, his other hand lovingly stroking the side of your face and fanning your hair out around your head. You closed your eyes, completely relaxed by his gentle touches. A couple minutes later, you sighed as you turned your head into his lap a little more.
“Don’t fall asleep on me, Love.” Roger laughed. 
“I’m not, I’m not. Just relaxed.”  You smiled, opening your eyes to return the love he gazed at you with. You turned your head to place a kiss to the inside of his palm, and you noticed him blush as you did so. 
“You don’t wear red often,” he said. 
You laughed at his awkward statement. “Yeah, I guess I don’t?”
“You should. Very sexy color on you, my Love.” 
You laughed at his once again very candid statement, reaching one hand up to caress his cheek. “Alright, Rog. I’ll take that into consideration.” 
“Say, where’d you get this dress from anyway? To be honest, and don’t get me wrong, I love the dress on you almost as much as I loved your sheer jumpsuit, but it doesn’t seem quite your style.”
“Well, my angel Freddie struck once again. You see, you forgot to tell me how dressy the restaurant was, and -”
“Sorry about that, by the way.”
“No don’t be! I’m honestly happy with the way the situation played out, since I never would have chosen this dress on my own. Anyways, I was planning on wearing a casual dress, but once you told me you were wearing a suit I started panicking and threw everything out of my bag looking for something suitable to wear, and noticed the inside pocket of my bag was bulging. I didn’t remember putting anything in it, so I opened it out of curiosity finding a note from Freddie saying he knew I didn’t know how fancy the restaurant was, and even if I did, he knew I wouldn’t have packed something dressy enough, so he bought me this dress and borrowed mum’s shoes, secretly packing them for me in hopes I’d find them. I’ll have to thank him when I get back.”
“Wow. Well, make sure you thank him for me too.”
After both laughing at his joke for a small bit, there was a patch of silence. 
“I really do love you, Rog.” 
“I love you too, Y/N.” He smiled. Some part of him told him you’d choose to stay in the relationship. He wasn’t sure why, but something just seemed like you would. “I’m not ready to call it a night, are you?”
“What do you mean?” 
“We’ve still gotta go to the club, you know, go disco? I promised you we would!” 
“Wait, really?!” You said, getting a newfound adrenaline rush from your excitement, wrapping your arms around his neck, sitting up and turning your whole body to look at him. 
“Really.” 
“Then we’ve gotta get changed!” You said, springing up and digging through your bag. Roger laughed at your antics as you frolicked around the room. “What are you waiting for?! Go get changed, Roger!”
“Okay, okay!” He said, raising his arms up in defense. 
As soon as he was in his room, you quickly slipped out of your dress, and put on your new rose gold pantsuit. It was completely sequined, and had a halter top style neckline that plunged just above your belly button. You decided to stay not wearing a bra, and put on your white pumps. Looking in the mirror, you applied a hot pink lipstick and fluffed out your hair, threw your newly gifted fur coat over your shoulder and stepped out into the hall. 
“What color are you wearing?” You heard Roger yell toward the bathroom that united your bedrooms as he assumed you were still getting ready. 
 Deciding to be a little devious, you opened his bedroom door and stepped in. “Rose gold.” You smirked. 
His head snapped up instantly.  He was in his white suit pants, matching coat on the bed as he stood at the closet shirtless. “Wow, so different to the girl I was with three minutes ago.” He chuckled. “You must be excited, that was a very fast outfit change, Love.” 
You nodded as you walked up to him, pressing your body flush against his as you pressed your hands to his chest, cherishing how beautiful he was. “Different how?” You teased. 
“Curvier, sparklier, sexier. Much more cleavage. I could keep going.” he smirked.
“Cleavage, huh?” You said, resting your hand on top of his as he leaned against the trim of the closet. 
“Mmmm, cleavage. You know I’m much more of a tits guy the ass, though I do have to say your ass looks amazing, maybe even just as good.” He winked. 
“Well tell me, do they feel better?” You said, pulling his hand away from the wall and slyly under the jumpsuit to your left breast. He let out a breath of satisfaction, immediately starting to massage it as he easily pulled it out of your revealing top. 
“Ah, gotta be careful dancing tonight, Love, seems like you could easily slip out of your top.” He smirked. 
“And would you even care?”
“Not as long as other people didn’t watch. Want ‘ya all to myself.” He smiled, bending to attach his lips to your nipple as he roughly applied both of his hands to your ass, immediately kneading both sides in his hands. 
You let out a moan of satisfaction, arms draped around his neck. As he switched to the opposite breast you noticed a light pink dress shirt in his closet that you started to put on him as he continued his work. 
“You know, usually people undress their boyfriends in situations like this, not put on clothes.” 
“I’m trying to get to disco!” You jokingly protested as you put the shirt on him, Roger aggravated as he couldn’t continue his suckling while you did so. 
Once you finished with his shirt he said, “By the way, your tits are hanging out.” He joked, stopping your hand as you reached up to conceal yourself. “I wanna do it.” He playfully whined as you threw your hands up in resignation. He continued massaging both of your breasts as he put them each underneath their sequined layer of fabric. He put on his coat and shoes, also grabbing his fur coat matching to yours and draped it over his arm as he grabbed your hand to go to the club as the two of you walked out of the house toward the car. 
“And by the way, my little experiment back in the bedroom once again proved your breasts feel much better than your ass.” He joked, squeezing your breast as he opened the door for you. 
Each of his actions did things to you. 
Things you didn’t know if you could ignore once returning to a friendship back in London. 
On the car ride to the club, Roger constantly kept his hand on your inner thigh, rubbing and squeezing, every once in a while, rubbing your core to which you’d let out a breath of air and a smile from the pleasure his motions brought you. 
“You know,” you started, “ I don’t even know how you’re driving right now. I’m not even trying to focus on anything and yet I can’t focus on anything except your touches.”
“Sorry Love, can’t fucking help it when you dress like that, tease me all day. Show me how amazing only you have ever made me feel five times in a night?” He grunted. 
“Have I really affected you that much today?”
 “So are you saying we can pull over?” He said, hoping you’d relieve him of the throbbing inside his pants. You did it much better than anyone else ever had the night before.
“No! It’s already 10:00, Rog, I wanna get there before everyone else leaves.” He let out a puff of air in annoyance. “You know, you’re much more sexual after sundown.” He laughed at your accusation. 
“Touché.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When you arrived at the club, the music was loud and you could hear all the people inside, evident by the amount of cars parked out front. You walked inside hand in hand in your fur coats, paying the bouncer to put them in the coat check as you absorbed the night life in front of you, quickly pulling Roger to the dance floor before he could even get a drink. As you arrived, Play That Funky Music by Wild Cherry started, and the crowd went wild. You started dancing just facing him, hands held together as the two of you jumped back and forth with the fast beat, and just before the chorus at the lyric “Somebody turned around,” you turned yourself around, ducking under one of his arms so they were tightly wrapped around you as they pushed you into him. In doing so you immediately slowed the rhythm down, only grinding your hips  back into him at the start of each measure throughout the entire chorus. You felt his arms squeeze you tighter into him as he bucked his hips with the slower rhythm to the song, matching your movements. You heard him softly and lowly moaning into your ear, only audible to you because of the volume of the club. As the chorus ended with the line that starts “Lay down and boogie”  you slid out of his arms, forcing him to watch you as you swayed your hips side to side as you slowly dropped with the music, your hands gliding up your sides as you purposely pursed the fabric so he could see clearly down your jumpsuit, hearing him let out a quiet grunt as you hit the word “die” with the end of your drop to the floor, hands now joined as you bent at your waist as you stood, upper body slowly coming up as your hands traced along your legs giving him a clear view of your toned, dancers body, bending suggestively in front of him, clear to him what you were implying. Once you were fully stood up, he grabbed your arm, whipping you around to face him as he pulled you off the dance floor, and toward the back of the club, entering a bathroom and quickly locking the door behind him. Once the closed door muffled the sound of the partying crowd you said, 
“What was that for?” 
“God,” He rushed out, “With you dancing like that I couldn’t make it through one fucking song. You know exactly what you’re doing. You’re killing me. Making me incredibly hard only in the way you do, and let me remind you in public, Y/N. I can’t handle it anymore, my hearts fucking racing, I feel like I’m going to explode. I need you right fucking now, Y/N.” 
“Aww, Roggie,” you teased. “I thought you’d never ask.” You finished as he pulled you flush to his body. 
“Stop fucking teasing me, which you have been for the last hour, and please just let me fuck you.” He growled, his voice animalistic. 
“By all means, go right ahead.” You smirked.
You let him unzip the back of your jumpsuit, shrugging it off your shoulders as it immediately dropped to the floor leaving you in a lacy, black, thong. 
“Too perfect.” He mumbled as he pressed a kiss to your lips and picked you up to sit you on the edge of the sink counter top. He attached his lips to your neck, leaving you a mess as you ran your fingers through his hair, thankful for the loud music that would drown out your sounds of ecstasy to passerby’s. Roger pressed a finger to your clit, massaging as you became a mess beneath his touches. “I’m sorry I’m moving so fast, Baby,” he said, breathless, “I’m just gonna stretch you out a little before, you know. I wouldn’t last if we had a lot of foreplay right now. You have no idea what you do to me.” He shyly admitted. 
“That’s fine,” you smiled, cupping his cheeks in your hands as you pressed a kiss to his lips, completely enamored with the man in front of you who turned every small pain in your body to bliss, and your darkest thoughts to dreams of sunshine. 
He kept his lips attached to yours, massaging one breast in one hand as he pushed your panties to the side, rubbing a finger up and down your core before fastly inserting two. Your breath hitched from the unexpected action, a moan of pain and pleasure paralyzing you as you leaned back into the wall behind you. Your breathing quickened, rubbing Roger’s back as you squeezed your eyes shut. He started scissoring with his already fast speed, not only trying to get you to the same level of arousal he was at, but also trying to prepare you for his member. He never remembered being so hard in his life. 
“I’ve gotta add another.” He breathlessly muttered, you nodding against his lips. As he inserted his other finger, you tilted your head back, in that moment oblivious to every other thing in the world except for you and Roger. In your ears, the music became silent, and you didn’t even notice a knock on the door. In that moment you and Roger were the only two people that mattered. 
“You ready?” he asked, as you nodded feverishly. He pulled down his pants, his aching member suffering to spring lose. He looked at the space around you, unsure of how you two would manage this. You read his eyes, hopping from the counter and bending yourself over it. “You sure this is how you wanna do this, Love?”
“Please,” You begged, watching in the mirror as he grabbed your hips, inserting himself deep into your core. 
You had never let out a louder moan in your life. It was honestly more of a scream of immense pleasure from how deep he was inside you, how much larger he was than the night before, how fast he was pounding into you, and the fact that you could watch it all happen in the mirror in front of you. It was obvious you both weren’t going to last long. You hadn’t tried this position the night before, and were feeling things you hadn’t even known you could feel. The look on Roger’s face said the same thing, and you couldn’t help but agree with what he’d said on the beach earlier. 
Made for each other. 
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After your sweaty bodies became one and you fixed your hair and makeup so it wasn’t completely apparent what just went on in the bathroom, you and Roger exited as you picked at your fingernails and joined the crowd of other young people on the dance floor. All your favorites like ABBA and Chic came on, making the night perfect. It was apparent how much better of a dancer you were than Roger, and how comfortable you were with the disco style. Roger loved watching you dance; it reminded him of the first time he saw you. 
“Say, Baby, make sure you learn how to do some Latin dancing while you’re in Spain.” He joked. 
“Why?” You said as you danced to Shake Your Groove Thing with him. 
“You’re an amazing dancer. Definitely have the hips and rhythm for it. Salsa, Cha Cha, Rumba, I don’t care. Whatever you can learn, learn it.” He said his instructions with such conviction it made you laugh. Just then a voice came over the speakers. 
“Alright folks, grab your partners, because we’re slowing things down all the way back to the ‘50’s. This slow dance is for all you couples out there.” 
The song Put Your Head on My Shoulder came on as you draped your arms around his neck and your head on his shoulder as his arms pulled you close to his body. He softly sang the words to you as you swayed back and forth. 
“Put your head on my shoulder
Whisper in my ear, baby
Words I want to hear
Tell me, tell me that you love me too”
As the song ended you pulled your head up to look at him. 
“I think that’s our song, Love.” He smiled, pressing his nose to yours. 
Emotional at the situation before you, you could only nod your head as you pressed your lips to his. 
Once you arrived home that night, you were both extremely exhausted from the full day you had, and retired to bed in Roger’s room almost immediately. You wore one of his shirts to bed as you climbed into his arms under the covers laying on your side as he spooned you, nuzzling his face in your neck every once in a while. 
“So tomorrow.” He said awkwardly in the pitch black. 
“Yeah.” 
“Yeah.”
“Do you…” he was hesitant to ask his question. 
“No, I don’t know yet. I’m just so thankful for this time we had together and for the fact that you’re in my life now.  I’m so happy for where we are right now, and please don’t ever forget how much I love you, Roger Taylor. I know this has only been a short, fleeting moment of a relationship without knowing it’s outcome, but remember love you with all my heart” 
“I love you more, Baby. So much more. And don’t try to prove you love me more, because you’ll  never able to. I’ll always love you more, and that’s the way it should be.” He said, pressing a kiss to the back of your head as the two of you drifted off to sleep with plans to leave around four the next day. 
You awoke to the smell of bacon, cold from Roger’s absence. You got up, walking down the hallway to find him cooking for you in the kitchen once again. He was so focused, he didn’t hear you come behind him and jumped when you wrapped your arms around him, burying your face into his shirtless back. 
“Hi, Baby.” He smiled. 
“Hi.” You managed to get out, as your eyes filled with tears. 
“What’s wrong?” He said, flipping around to see you looking up, trying to get rid of your tears. 
Your lips pressed into a tight line. A couple tears slipped down your cheeks. “It’s just- today,-“ You were unable to form words. You moved your hands as you spoke to try to get your point across. 
“I know, I don’t want it to end either.” He said, trying not to cry, as he came to you and engulfed you in a huge hug, you pressing your face into his chest. “Do you, well, do you know?”
“No” you whispered through your sobs, shaking your head. He stroked your hair for comfort. 
“Shh, Love, please don’t cry.” He said, rocking back and forth. He then picked you up and sat you on the edge of the counter, walking in between your legs, picking your chin up to look at him. He wiped some of your tears away. “Whatever you decide will be the right decision. I promise you whatever you do, I'm okay with. I might want something else, but in the end I’ll know you were probably right.” He joked, making you laugh through your tears. “We still got all day. We don’t have to leave until later, so I wanna relax before we leave so I’m not too tired driving home, but we have pretty much all day, Y/N. And it’s not like this is the last time you’ll see me. Even if we… well, you know. You’ll still see me all the time.” He had to be strong for you. 
“I know.”
“Please don’t cry. I hate to see you so sad.”
“It’s not your fault, I brought all this on myself. Maybe if I wasn’t so skeptical of everything-“
“Hey, you’re just being logical and I’m so proud of you for that. Let’s not talk about it until we get back.” 
“Until you drop me off.” 
“Okay, until I drop you off. Whatever happens, I love you.” 
“I love you too.” He pressed his lips to yours, still wiping away your tears. You couldn’t help but cry at the situation. You knew what you’d have to do, but just couldn’t deal with it yet. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tuesday, the day after they got home. 
You and Roger arrived home late from the beach the night before, so you just stayed overnight with him in his room at his and Brian’s shared apartment. Besides, it’d be weird not having him with you once you returned back to the dorm. Roger got up after kissing your nose and making you smile to start breakfast (the now usual routine for you two) and you heard a bang in the kitchen. “Fuck!” “Rog? What’s wrong, Love?” “I bloody missed rehearsal yesterday; didn’t even think of it. I just saw it on mine and Bri’s calendar. There’s a rehearsal now, started a half hour ago. Brian must’ve left already. They’re gonna fucking kill me.” He said, running past you to get changed in his room. “You’re coming with me, c’mon, Love get changed.” “Roger, I don't have any of my normal clothes with me. I- I can’t go out like th-” “Go out like what?” He came up to you and placed his hands on your shoulders. “Looking absolutely gorgeous? It’s just the boys. You’ll be fine.” “Okay,” you tentatively said, and began looking through your suitcase. 
“Maybe you could wear that sheer pantsuit you wore a couple days ago?” Roger smirked. “Oh, fuck off.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The two of you rushed into the rehearsal hand in hand in your matching coats. It was much colder back in London. You opted to wear your collared Peter Pan dress. “Well there’s our drummer.” Brian huffed. “Brian, I’m sorry, really.” “No call? No attempt to change the schedule?” “I’m sorry, we were busy. I forgot.” “You forgot? You forgot about your band and you both forgot about your roommates and your best friends?” Brian pressed. “Alright, now that he’s here can we just fucking play?” John asked , throwing his hands in the air. He kept staring at you. At your necklace. Freddie pulled you to the side. “So? You two didn't come back the same as when you left. Something happened, didn’t it? Something good.” “Something more than good,” you whispered back. “But yeah. Something happened alright.” “You’ll tell me?” he said,  hopeful, just like a little kid. “Later” You winked, and went to sit and watch the band play. 
“Oh, and I like your necklace.” Freddie smiled. After they finished practicing, Freddie, Brian, and Roger were over by the piano discussing songwriting, and John came up to you, yet turning his face away from you. You saw his shoulders shake. “Deaky, what's wrong?” you said springing up to him. “Lovely,” he whispered, shaking his head as tears fell from his eyes. “Y/n,” he closed his eyes shut quickly as he thought about the pain surrounding what he was about to say. He motioned to the blonde in the corner as he quietly sobbed, “D-do you love him? Are you in love with him?”
You didn’t know what to say. 
Of course you loved Roger. Said it multiple times over the last four days. But could John really handle to hear that right now? You looked over to Roger as he laughed with his friends and patted Brian on the back. You hadn’t made a decision yet. You and Roger hadn’t talked; he hadn’t dropped you off at home yet. 
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t know? You don’t know if you’re in love with someone? Unbelievable.” He said, shaking his head. 
Suddenly both of your attentions were drawn to the conversation at the piano. 
“Yes Roger! Absolutely brilliant idea! Pulls the whole song together. I missed you terribly yesterday.” Freddie said, pulling Roger in for a hug. Then he loudly gasped.
He noticed Roger’s necklace. 
Remembered yours as he looked between the two of you. 
You and Roger saw the realization come across his face, the smile on Roger’s fading. Then Freddie pulled Roger closer again, smelling his neck, his shirt, then when he smelled his hair, an even bigger light bulb went off. 
An even louder gasp. 
“You had sex!” Freddie exclaimed. 
“Freddie,” Roger said lowly, warning him to stop talking. Freddie ignored him and ran over to you, looking at your fingernails, picked down to the cuticle he noticed. You always did that after being with someone. It was a nervous tick, per-say. He smelled your hair too. 
“So did you!” He exclaimed. Brian looked at him, eyes wide in disbelief that he hadn’t put two and two together if his suspicions were right. 
He prayed they weren’t. 
Roger came to stand between you and Freddie, an act of protection. 
Then an even louder gasp came out as it hit him. 
“Oh my god, you two had sex?!”
Your look down seemed to confirm it. 
“I can’t believe you.” Your voice tremored as you looked up at Freddie. “When are you going to learn to just mind your own business?” 
Freddie realized what he just did, saw the hurt in your eyes. You and Roger weren’t actually together yet. 
“I’m sorry, I can’t handle this right now.” John said, head down as he wiped away another tear and stormed out of the building. 
“John, wait!” You screamed after him, running to the door and flinging it open. “It’s not like that!” You screamed, but he was nowhere in sight.
“It’s not like that, huh?” You heard Roger say behind you. You turned to see him with a look of disbelief on his face, his eyes red. 
“Rog, I didn’t mean it like that I just-“ 
Brian walked up to the two of you, shaking his head. “I can’t believe you, Roger. You knew how I felt and yet you- And you know how I felt about the trip, and what I asked you. What I asked you not to do?” he shook his head again, his lips pursing. “Wow, I’ve got some best friend.” 
“I’m gonna go sit in the car.” You said.
“Y/N wait!” Roger screamed after you. 
You still hadn’t made a decision. 
“Brian, please let me explain, but just not here, not now. John ran off, now Y/N’s all upset. Should probably go make sure she’s okay.” Roger said, the look of betrayal still prevalent on Brian’s face. 
“Just let her be Rog,” Freddie started. “She’ll be fine. She’s just going through an identity crisis.”
“You,” Roger started, waving his finger at Freddie. “How dare you just expose her like that in front of everyone? She’s supposed to be your best friend. How could you do that to her?”
“Well I guess I wasn’t thinking.” Freddie admitted. 
“That’s exactly right, mate. You weren’t thinking. Now look what you’ve done. And she’s going through a hell of a lot more than an identity crisis.”
“It all goes back to the fact she’s ashamed she left her family. Doesn’t know who she is anymore.”
“No, that’s not it. You don’t know.”
“Well of course I know, she’s my best friend, and-” Roger cut him off to make his point clearer. 
“Freddie. You. Don’t. Know.” Freddie stood there awestruck. “I- I gotta go get her. Make sure she’s okay. I’m sorry Brian, I truly am. I promise it’ll all be okay later.” He said before grabbing both of your coats and quickly walking out to the car where he found you hugging your knees in the front seat as you cried. 
“Cold?” He asked, opening the door as he tried to lighten the mood. 
“Yeah,” You whined, standing up and burying your face into his chest as you softly wept and he put your fur coat on you. “Can I go home now?” 
He let out a big breath of air. “ ‘Course. You know what your decision is going to be?”
You nodded your head as you cried. 
“Alright then. Still need to stop by my apartment to get all your things.”
With that, you got into the car, holding hands the whole way. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As Brian drove Freddie home, he asked him, “How did you know, Fred?”
“Huh?” He said, snapping back to reality from his world of ogres and fairies. 
“How’d you know… her and Roger I mean.”
“Oh, well-um” he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “There were a couple things that went into it. First of all, I realized a couple years ago that you can pick up a different smell on people you are around all the time a day or so after the have sex. It’s kind of musky, and you only smell it in their hair. They also had matching necklaces and matching coats, and Roger was acting extremely protective toward her. It’s obvious he’s in love with her but she doesn’t know how she feels.” That gave Brian hope. “And lastly, the thing that really gave it away was Y/N’s fingernails.” 
“I’m sorry, what?” Brian said, completely confused. 
“Y/N has this weird thing that right after she has sex with someone she picks her fingernails down to the cuticle to the point they almost bleed. Sounds quite painful if you ask me, Darling. I never understood it; must be some type of nervous tick. But it’s always a dead giveaway if she hooked up with someone or not.” 
“Oh. So it’s definite then.”
“Well, yeah. I mean she definitely had sex on their trip, Roger probably did, and since they were together the whole time, extended it without telling a single soul, and come back with matching coats and necklaces I’d say it just makes the most sense.”
“Right.” Brian said defeated. “So now three of us are in love with her in some kind of way?”
“You’re in love with her?”
“I guess so. I’m so crazy about her, Fred. I don’t know if I can say “in love” since we’re not together yet, but I really thought there was hope for us after the pumpkin patch. But then Rog expressed he liked her too, and I was too scared to tell him I wanted her, so instead I just said I kinda liked her too and until she decided between us, not to do anything sexual on the trip. Guy code, you know? And I guess I was naive in thinking she didn’t think of Deaky that way, but then with the way she reacted when he ran out, I think she might like him too. I’ve got no shot. Please don’t tell her how I feel, though. Don’t tell Rog either. I gotta find a way to calm my emotions and deal with him tonight.” 
“In all honesty Brian, I really don’t think she’s with Roger. She said she needed time, seemed she had reservations. There’s still hope. I’m rooting for you, Brian. I know you won’t hurt my girl.”
“Thanks, Fred. Let’s hope.” The pair smiled at each other. “Wait, you call her “your girl”,-“
“Oh no, I promise we’re not like that.”
“I know. Just listen. You call her “your girl” yet you call her out like that and make her feel like shit today? I know I called her and Roger out for being bloody awful best friends, but how does exposing her intimacy in front of everyone make you any better?”
Freddie sighed. “I wasn’t thinking. I truly wasn’t. I feel awful, I hope I didn’t lose her forever. It’s just, at home, we joke about that kind of stuff. Bluntly call each other out. We’re really brutally honest with each other at all times, or so I thought we were until Rog said there’s something I don’t know, and now I’m all insecure and hoping I didn’t lose her. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost her.” Tears came to his eyes. 
“Hey, Fred. You won’t lose her.  She talks so great of you. You’re the only person she really relies on in her entire life, she told me so herself. Tell her exactly what you just said. It’ll all be fine. And whatever is bothering her, she’ll tell you. You just gotta talk to her.” He said, pulling in front of the dorm. 
“I know you’re nervous to express your feelings, darling, but you need to talk to her too.” Freddie said, hugging Brian and opening the door to the car. “Thanks for the ride,” he said getting out of the car. “ and good luck with Rog tonight. Call me later or tomorrow and let me know how it all plays out.” Freddie winked as his friend threw him a soft smile and he went inside. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Your last moments spent with Roger before definitively having to make a decision were mostly left in silence. When you arrived at the apartment, you went inside and put all your things in your bag, since it’s contents were mostly strewn across Roger’s room from trying to find something to wear that morning. Once finished, you stood by the door waiting for Roger to finish his search for whatever he was looking for in the kitchen cabinets. After a couple minutes, he approached you with a soft smile, taking your bag from your grasp and intertwining his hand with yours as he silently lead you back to the car. 
On the way to your dorm, hands still intertwined he broke the silence. “Are you mad at him?”
“Hm?”
“Freddie?”
“Oh. No, I don’t think it’d do any good for me to be mad at him, I live with him in one room for Christ’s sake.”
“How can you be so forgiving?”
“Well, I hope he’d be that way for me. I’ve gotta break the whole Spain thing to him soon. It’ll be better if we’re both not mad at each other.”
“I told you Freddie isn’t gonna be mad about that, Baby.”
“I don’t know.” You muttered. 
“Well anyway, I’m gonna have a mouthful to hear when I get back home.” He said, changing the subject. 
“Brian’s really that mad?”
“Well, he um, yeah. Think he likes you too. He was pretty odd about me taking you on the trip, and then Freddie,”
“I see,” you said, understanding. As if this wasn’t already hard, Brian liked you too. Great. 
Roger turned onto your street. “But I can’t let him get my girl, now can I?”
“I’m not your girl, Roger.” You said under your breath as you pulled your hand away from him, the actions unfolding in the car making you both completely oblivious to Brian driving opposite you. Roger quickly diverted his eyes from the road to look at you in shock as he turned into the driveway of your dorm, once again pulling up to the front of the building and putting his car in park. 
“Hey,” he gave you a sad smile. “At least I can say I tried.” He got out of the car and opened the door for you as you immediately got out and jumped into his arms, tears welling in your eyes. 
“I’m so sorry, Roger.”
“It’s okay Ba-Love.” He corrected himself. It was shocking how quickly a nickname became custom, even if it was just adopted a couple days ago. He pushed the door shut just as Freddie reached the door to your shared dorm, confused as to who was out front. He receded back, walking into the common room and seeing the two of you on the sidewalk as he opened the window to observe.  
You continued to weep. “I understand, Y/N. I don’t like it, but I understand.” He tried comforting you. 
“But I know how you feel about me, and I just feel awful.” You cried. A tear slipped down his cheek. 
“I know.” He whispered. He kissed your head as he broke your hug, grabbing your bags from the back seat, and setting them on the ground beside you. 
“Thank you, for this weekend I mean. I’ve never felt like someone was so in love with me as you made me feel these last couple days. It was nice.” You smiled, grabbing his hand as he stood across from you. 
“That love hasn’t just gone away, Y/N. Even right here as you’re dumping me, I’m still crazy about you.” He laughed. 
“But Roger-”
“I know, I know. You don’t have to tell me. I know nothing I’m saying is going to change your mind. I just wanted to make sure you know how I feel while I still have the time.” 
You laughed as you cried out more tears. You’d experienced heartbreak before, heartbreak from relationships that had lasted eight months to two years, yet none of them had ever hurt this bad. The two of you weren’t crying because it was the end and your attraction had died as it had with your previous boyfriends, you were crying because it was the beginning. The hope for the two of you and your beautiful relationship seemed shattered. 
“I love you Roger.” You said, pressing your lips to his for the last time. It was a wet and salty kiss from each of your tears combining as they streamed down your faces. 
As you pulled away, he said, “I know this is the end for now, but it doesn’t have to be, Baby. If you change your mind, you know where to find me,” he smiled as he started back toward the car.
“Thanks, Rog.” You didn’t know what else to say. His absence made you hold your stomach as you cried even harder. 
“Please don’t cry.” He said, running back to you and wrapping his arms around you. It seemed like the string that was wrapped around the two of you wouldn’t let you part. You wrapped your arms around his neck, as you felt his shoulders shake. 
“But you’re crying!” You laughed. 
“Well ‘course I’m crying,” he said sarcastically, “my heart is being broken by the love of my life.”
“Oh, please.” You responded, a joking nature coming between the two of you. 
“I almost forgot,” he smiled, reaching into his pocket. He placed a car key in your hands. 
“Roger-” you gasped. 
“Told you I was giving you my car.”
“I can’t accept this.” 
“You’ve gotta.” he smiled. “Who’s gonna drive it when I buy my new one?” He silently mouthed ”you” as he pointed at you, making you laugh. “I just need this one until I buy my new one; should only be a couple weeks or so, but you can take the car whenever you need it, just give me a call.” 
You were speechless. He embraced you in his arms one last time; you both knew this was the end. 
“W- why, why are you so nice to me?” You said softly. Neither of you wanted to let go. 
He lightly chuckled. “It isn’t obvious by now?”
You looked up at him with your chin on his chest awaiting his answer. 
“I’m madly in love with you, Baby. Not a second has gone by this whole weekend that I don’t love you more and more. Believe me, it’s been short, but it’s real. Strongest I’ve ever felt for someone. On our trip, I realized that when you’re in love with someone, their return of affection doesn’t matter. It’s nice, but not really what you want. All I want is to make your life easier; to make you happy. As long as I do that, then I’m happy too.”
You let out a sob as you held him tighter, not sure if you were doing the right thing by letting him go. 
“I’m gonna go now, Y/N. I- I think I need some time alone.” He stuttered. 
You nodded understandingly, and as his went to pull away, a little chain around both of your necks was keeping you stuck together. Your necklaces had found each other once again, forming their heart as they strung the two of you together for one last fleeting moment. You both silently laughed as you reached your hand up to part your necklaces, and he walked with his head down to the drivers side of the car. “I really thought she’d say yes.” He thought. 
Opening the door, he said, “I love you, Y/N Y/M/N Y/L/N. Always will, Baby.” With that, he got in and drove away, wiping the tears out of his eyes as he planned to drive to a bar and think for a while. 
You watched him as he drove away, your sobs becoming louder as you realized what you’d done. The heartache was unbearable. You sat on your bag, unable to walk inside, and buried your face in your knees. 
A couple minutes later, you felt a pair of arms wrap around you from behind, rocking you back and forth to comfort you. “It’s alright, Darling. I’m here. I’ll always be here.” 
My Angel, Freddie.
You thought, wrapping your arms around him. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once Freddie had gotten you inside, he held you in his lap on the edge of your bed as the room seemed to dim around you. He assured you everything would be okay and whispered words of comfort until you finally stopped crying. He continued running his fingers through your hair in the ear piercing silence, finally blurting out,
“Are you mad at me?”
“No Freddie, I’m not mad.” You said nonchalantly as you sat up next to him. 
“Even after all I said?”
“Yeah, even after all you said.” You laughed. “I know you didn’t mean it.” 
He smiled; it looked like a thousand pounds were lifted off his back. “Yeah, I didn’t mean it.” he giggled back. “You looked so mad, though.”
You’d never seen Freddie act so shy and depressed. He was acting quiet; for him that was never a good sign. You could tell he knew he was wrong. “I was mad at your impulsiveness. I’m fine joking around if it’s just us, and like I said I know you didn’t mean it. Knowing you, it probably just came out, but in front of the guys is what really got me upset. Mainly John’s reaction is what made me kind of mad.”
“I’m sorry.” He candidly admitted. 
“I know you are.” You smiled, giving him a hug. “I think I’m gonna go to John’s later tonight. Him and I need to hang out more anyways.” You smiled. 
“In your new car?”
“You know about that?” You said astonished.
“Oh of course I do, Darling. Watched the whole thing in the window.”
You laughed. “I’d bust on you, but I was planning on telling you what happened anyways so I guess your incessant nosy-ness saved me some breath.” 
“Still have to explain what lead up to that, I’m majorly confused about the weekend.”
“I will, I promise.”
After going into detail about what you and Roger did each day and how your romance bloomed over the trip leading all the way up to your departure just minutes before, it was silent. Freddie had just listened throughout the entire thing, and you could tell after finishing your story he was stuck thinking about something. Nothing was said for a while. 
“You know, you’re an absolute idiot.” He stated, seemingly out of nowhere. 
“Hey! Why do you say that?” You playfully defended. 
“Darling, look what you gave up. You gave up the guy of your dreams. The guy you’ve always wanted, type of guy looks and personality wise at least from what you’ve told me. I never would have expected all that from Roger. And have you seen the way he looks at you? I watched him all of rehearsal; he can’t keep his eyes off of you. I’d never seen Roger sadder than when you just broke up with him. I’ve known him for a little over a year, and been there when his parents divorced and grandmother died; neither time was his that upset. He knows what he could have with you; you can tell he sees it all now. I’m talking about a life with you, Y/N. a happiness, someone to rely on and pamper, and here you just threw it out the window.” 
“Well I guess I didn't think of it that way.” You admitted. 
“Obviously.” He scoffed.  
“Well,” You started, already shaking at what you were about to do. “There’s another big reason for why I decided not to stay with him.”
Here goes nothing. 
“Oh god, I don’t know how to tell you this.” You whispered. 
Freddie nodded his head expectantly. He’d had a realization. “This is the thing I don’t know, isn’t it?”
You nodded, trying to avoid his glare of betrayal. You and Freddie told each other everything. It was a part of your unofficial roommate agreement. You always wondered if there were things he didn’t tell you, but the way he was looking at you showed he’d never lied or kept anything from you once. It made you feel awful. 
“Well,” he spat, crossing his arms. “get on with it then.” 
“I, uh, I-” you stuttered, “I’m going to Spain.” You blurted out, voice cracking at the end of your confession in efforts not to cry. 
“That’s it? That’s what you thought you had to hide from me?”
“Well-”
“Y/N! Darling!” he laughed, “That’s nothing to hide from me! That’s so exciting! When are you to go? Maybe I could come with you!”
“I’m going for school, Freddie. I’m transferring. There was an opportunity that popped up, and I’ll be in one of the most prestigious orchestras in two years. I just didn’t know how to tell you I was leaving you because you’re really all I have, and I don’t know what I’d do without you.” You were trying to hold back your tears. 
“Oh.” He coughed. “Well, I-”
“Please don’t be mad,” you pled as you cut him off. 
“Y/N, I’m not mad, Darling. I’m insanely proud of you.” He laughed, getting choked up as a couple tears slid down his face. “Gonna miss you like crazy, but more proud than I’ve ever been in my life.” He smiled, flinging his arms around you as you cried happy tears of relief from stressing about him being mad. “Why didn't you think you could tell me?”  
“I just thought you’d be mad at me. You’ll be out of a place to live, won’t see me as much. I think it was honestly because I was afraid to lose you; didn’t want to accept that soon I wouldn’t be seeing you every day.” 
“Y/N. We’re gonna be just fine. I promise you.” He said, tapping the tip of your nose with his finger. “So is this the real reason you said no to Roger?” 
“Yeah,” You sadly admitted. 
“Well, I can’t tell you what to do about this one, Love. This decision is up to you, you have to recognize what you can and can’t handle when you’re away.” 
You nodded. 
“Just give yourself time to think about it. Kay?”
“Kay.”
You took a deep breath, smiling at your friend, deeply thankful for all he’d done for you. 
“I’m gonna go to John’s, okay?” 
He nodded. “You calling to borrow your new car?” 
“No. I think it'd be better if I didn’t see Roger so soon.”
He nodded understandably. “So?”
“So, I’m gonna walk. I think it’ll be a good time for me to clear my head.”��
“Be safe.” 
You rolled your eyes. He was always so worried about you, your happiness, your well being. 
“I’ll be fine.” You laughed, quickly fixing your makeup as your grabbed a coat and reached for the door. 
“Call me when you get there!”
“Love you, Freddie!” You smiled shaking your head as you shut the door behind you. 
It was time to make things right. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Roger walked in the door with a slight buzz, yet mainly drunk on his depression. Brian sat in a recliner, glaring at Roger as he hung his coat on the hook. 
“I don’t wanna hear it right now, Brian. I just lost the love of my life.” 
“You’re being dramatic, Roger. I just wanted to-”
“You just wanted to what, Bri?!” He said, throwing his hands up in the air as he sat in a chair next to him. “Make me feel even worse? Remind me how bad of a friend I am? I’m sorry, okay? Sometimes things just happen!”
Brian took a deep breath.“I wanted to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry I lost it. I just wanted her to be mine, but the decision isn’t up to me. It’s up to her. And if she chose you-”
“She didn’t choose me, mate.”
Brian was shocked. He couldn’t believe that without knowing anything, Freddie had predicted it all.
“Freddie was right about her again.” He said, shaking his head.
“I really thought she was going to, though. I damn near fell down when she decided we’d be parting ways. I really thought shed feel the same way; like we couldn’t live without each other. She’s going to Spain. That means you and I both shit out of luck. I tried to give her everything and she doesn’t care. When’d you talk to Freddie?” 
“I drove him home after rehearsal. I was upset because of everything that happened between the two of you, but Freddie said he didn’t think she had made a decision. He always knows what’s up with her, even without knowing the situation. So if you want her, you have to talk to Freddie.”
Roger thought for a moment. “But I have talked to Freddie. He told me she likes chocolate covered strawberries.” 
“No I mean you have to get closer with him, make it so he’ll tell her to go out with you; talk about you all the time. Not that I want you to do that, though.” Brian laughed. 
“Don’t worry, mate. I don’t think I’ll be hearing from her for a long time.” Pause “Do you think we have anything to worry about with her and Fred?”
“I’ve been thinking the same thing lately. I can’t tell if they’re close or if she likes him.” 
“Well then I guess we’re just gonna have to wait.” Roger said as he smiled hopefully at his friend. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You knocked on John’s door to his apartment after about a half hour walk. He opened it with the look on his face immediately going from shocked to mad. 
“Hi.”
“Please just let me explain, Deaky.”
He paused, and you were unsure of what he’d decide to do. Just as it looked like he was going to shut the door in your face, he opened all the way and slammed it shut behind you. 
You sat at his kitchen table after calling Freddie, unsure of what to say as he paced behind you. It was silent for a couple minutes. You played with your hair, put on a lip gloss, ripped up a napkin in front of you- anything to keep you distracted. It was obvious the thought of you and Roger had hurt him- something you never meant to do, but it got you thinking. Why had this upset him so much? There was only one explanation:
He had feelings for you. 
Although you just realized it, a part of you had always known.  He was still your best friend and always had been, but realizing he had feelings explained some of his actions from the last couple years of high school, like how he asked you to prom in October, eight months early. He said he didn’t want to wait and risk losing you to someone else. 
Risk losing you. 
It all made sense. You glanced back at him, his auburn hair flowing behind him as he paced, his almond eyes focused in frustration. You figured a part of you had feelings for him too, or else you wouldn’t be here right now trying to fix things. You smiled at the thought of you and John dating, how happy it’d make his mom, who loved you and always gave you the consolation you lacked in your own home. If you two ended up together, it’d seem like your whole life would have came full circle. 
“Why are you here?” he stated, breaking his silence as his pacing paused at a chair across from you.  
He caught you off guard, and with no idea what to say, you blurted out, “I like your hair.”
He looked at you puzzled, immediately confused, so he pulled out the chair and sat down. “What?”
“Um- I… I didn’t mean that.” You felt so out of place and uncomfortable. “Well I mean I did, your hair looks great. I like it long. But that’s not why I’m here.” You let out a sigh as John blew out a puff of air, attempting to not look at you. It was silent for a moment. “I think you know why I’m here.” 
“Fucking get on with it then. Guess I was a bloody idiot for not thinking this day would ever come.” He spat. 
“What do you mean?” 
“It’s nothing- no sense in you knowing at this point. Just get it over with.” His voice was cold and hurt. It made you feel dreadful. 
“John I just wanna talk. Roger and I are over.”
His eyes perked up, figure relaxing a bit.  
“So you two were together?” 
“No, not really. I don’t know. I just don’t think he’s the right choice for me right now with how my life is kinda playing out. Now I know you got upset earlier, and I understand why, but there’s nothing with Roger and I anymore. In my eyes it was just like meeting someone at a bar and going home with them that night, or meeting someone on vacation. That’s happened to you before, right?” Of course that was a complete lie, you loved Roger, but you just were trying to make him happy at this point. 
He nodded. “Oh, I guess I over reacted.”
You smiled, seeing you were getting through to him.  
“What about the coats then?” 
“Roger bought those for us before we even went on the trip. He tried real hard to get us to be a real relationship; he really likes me. But I…” You sighed. “I just don’t know.” 
“Oh. I’m sorry I- Well, you know. I just- I’m sorry I don’t know how to say this.” He nervously laughed. 
“I know.” You smiled, reaching across the table for his hand. 
“You do?” 
You nodded. “Well I mean you stormed out when you heard I had sex with another guy, asked me if I loved him. I kinda put two and two together.” You laughed. 
“I was planning to ask you out a week after you got to school, did you know that?” He admitted, slightly sad yet sincere. 
“You what?”
He spoke with a smile lit across his face. “Mhm. Sat there under that willow tree crying like a baby for hours after you left me. I already had the order for the flowers in to a florist near my school, had the route highlighted on the map I’d be using to drive to your dorm.” his smile faded, a look of sadness replacing it.  “But that’s in the past. I’ve barely talked to you in over a year so, you know,”  He laughed awkwardly. “Things change. People change.” 
“Oh, John.” You gasped, hand slapping over your mouth as you tried to hold back the tears at the thought of what would have been. “I would’ve said yes.” You whispered. 
He shook his head in disbelief. Angry at himself for not asking you sooner, while also angry with you for cutting him out. “You- you can't tell me that now. You messed up, Y/N. Now you’ve gotta fix it.” 
“Don’t you think I know that!? Why couldn’t you have asked me earlier!?”
“Because I was afraid I’d lose you! In my eyes I couldn’t win! I’m always so fucking afraid of losing you, Y/N, yet look where we are now!” He yelled back. You both stood at the same time as your argument fumed larger. 
“Well maybe if you’d have stopped being so afraid, you wouldn’t have lost me! I would have been your girlfriend! You can’t just put this all on me John,” You yelled, hands flying up in the air, “you’re the one who couldn’t ask me out!”
“You’re the one who broke my heart romantically and lost me my best friend, so yeah, maybe I could have asked you out earlier! But excuse me if I wanted to be romantic and surprise you with it while you were all alone off at college! Maybe I can take some of the blame, but a lot of this is on you, Lovely!” He yelled, an annoyed tone apparently in his voice. 
“What about prom night!?!? Was that not romantic enough for you?! I got a purple dress because you say you like me in purple! I wanted to wear black! We danced just the two of us the entire night! Maybe if you made a move we’d be together!!!” 
“Maybe if you made a move and didn’t cut me off none of this would be happening! He yelled, the two of you now yelling in each other’s faces. 
“Maybe if you’d just shut up!” you yelled, grabbing his shoulders as you pulled him in for a kiss. His hands ran through your hair, and the kiss didn't go too far. It was so passionate from both of your anger, that it was very hard, yet there was so much behind it. Sparks seemed to fly as pent up emotions flooded around the two of you. He pulled away as you both just gasped for air. 
“Did you just kiss me?” He said. 
“Yeah?” 
“Oh my god, you just kissed me.” He paced. “Y/N, I’m sorry. I don’t know how to deal with this right now.” He said. 
“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to offend-“ 
“Offend me? Y/N, Lovely, I’ve been waiting for this for years.” He said, smiling as he walked back over to you, caressing your cheek in his hand. “I’ve missed you. You always look like a little doll.” He smiled. “I’ve missed my best friend.” 
“I’ve missed you too, Deaky.” You said, tapping your finger on his nose. 
“Don’t think that was me friend-zoning you, because I’m not.” He said awkwardly, and it made you laugh. 
“Don’t worry, I’ve missed my best friend too.” You glanced at the clock behind him. “I really should get going. I’ve got a half hour walk and I want to be back before sundown.” You smiled. 
“I’ll drive you.” he said, grabbing his keys off the counter immediately. 
“Oh no that’s alright. I like walking.”
“But I don’t want anything to happen to you, I don’t want to lose you again.” 
“I’ll be fine. Freddie’s waiting for me.” 
“Alright,” he reluctantly agreed. “Call me when you get home?” 
“Of course, just like old times.” You smiled, recollecting how John would make you call him when you got home from his house even though you just lived down the street. “Bye Deaky.” You said, kissing his cheek as you put in your coat. 
“Lovely,” he started, “What does this mean for us?”
“That we’re becoming close again?” You naively said. 
“You know what I mean.” 
“I just can’t have a relationship right now. Are you free tomorrow? I don’t have classes Wednesday’s. I just want to explain why, where I’m going and all.” 
“I’m free whenever you need me to be, Y/N.” He smiled. “What time do you want me to pick you up? We can make a day out of it, just like old times.” He smiled, reaching for your hand. 
“Just like old times.” The saying made you warm and fuzzy. “Is one okay?” 
“Whatever you say, Darling.” He glowed, kissing your cheek. “I’ll see you at one.” 
“Kay. Bye John.” You said, hugging him as you left his apartment. 
“Bye, Lovely.” He smiled, clutching his chest, the grin not leaving his face the entire night. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After you and Freddie ate, you both were awfully tired from the eventful day and decided to go to sleep, but had never felt so empty and uncomfortable. 
“Freddie, can you come lay with me?” You said in the darkness. 
“Mhm.” He responded, half awake. Once he laid next to you, he was out in seconds, but it still felt like something was missing. There was no chest to put your head on, or arms to be wrapped around your waist. The only thing you had was the body heat from another person, yet you still felt the longing deep in your heart. After hours of stone cold emptiness, it was about 3:30 in the morning, when you finally couldn’t take it anymore. You quietly got up and slipped on your slippers, throwing your silk robe over your shoulders as you quietly rushed to the phone at the end of the hall, dialing the number from Freddie’s address book.
“Hello?” The voice groggily said. 
“Hi, it’s Y/N. I can’t sleep. I keep thinking about how I miss having someone with me, and I know how I left things today, and was planning on taking to you tomorrow, but I had to call.”
“I can’t sleep either” 
“Can you come get me?”
He sighed. 
“Yup. ‘Course.” He said, grabbing a coat. “I’ll be there in fifteen minutes. 
“Thank you.”
“No, thank you.” The smile in his voice made you giddy with excitement. As you hung up the phone, something made you look down. 
The diamond in your treble clef necklace made you think about what you just had done. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N- Who do you think she called?? Rog or John? I hope youre just as shook as i am!Q&A tmmw! Love y’all-C
Taglist: @yourlocalmusicalprostitute , @bismillahnah , @deakysmisfire , @queer-heart-attack , @everything-you-dont-wanna-be , @mercurycrowley , @ikbenplant , @xcdelilahxc , @chekovs-davy-jones-wig , @laedymoon , @manicpixydreamgirl , @jaylikesguavass
78 notes · View notes