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writingmeraki · 1 year

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hot & cold I

READ PART TWO HERE !

a min ho mini series !

summary : Feeling the warm butterflies in your stomach as well as the cold sinking feeling in your heart wasn't the best especially just because of one person nonetheless you think it was worse because that person was none other than the guy you apparently hated with your entire existence.

( or you long crossed the blurry lines of love and hate when it came to Minho and were both just idiotic enough to not realise that until you had to force it out of yourself because of your stupidity.)

genre : angst, fluff, comfort !

pairing : minho x fem!reader, e2l, idiots to lovers.

warnings : mentions of alcohol and underage drinking, kissing and making out, cussing. both being dumb and too high on their ego. kinda blame it on Minho in this one I fear 😨

author's note : and as my obsession goes crazy, I knew I had to write a miniseries on Minho. I honestly have no idea how long it can be this time, it'll mostly depend on your feedback but also how long I make this but expect 2-3 parts more ?? this was written out of nowhere tbh because I had a really different idea for this. anyways enjoy and let me know what you think ! <3 ( not proofread as usual, we die like real men 😀)

based on this request !

word count : 4.3k

"Maybe you should put that down now."

Kitty said, observing the way you tipped down the cocktail, be it a secret yet not secret alcoholic one.

You winced and shook your head as you smashed the glass down after, Kitty having to shoot an apologetic look to the temporary bartender, who wanted nothing more than to be anywhere else but a party of drunk and horny teenagers sneaking in alcohol and downing it as though they were going through all stages of grief at the moment or in moments of classical teenage stupidity.

"Oh- KAY! I think that's more than enough." She pulled your hands away from the other cocktail that was served up,despite this one now being the only non-alcoholic, she felt it was getting a lot and you whined at her, she narrowed her eyes at you.

"Y/N, you've had more than enough."

"Noooo, I'm fine I can handle ittt." Your words slurred and she gave you a blank stare, holding up two fingers, she asked

"Okay then, how many fingers I am holding up?"

You narrowed your eyes, trying to think hard and giggled as you spoke

"Kitty, Katty since when did you have six fingers?" A drunken smile sat on your face as you leaned forward pointing your finger to count the 'six' fingers.

You vision was blurry but you were still able to make out the outline of what was in front of you.

Kitty rolled her eyes and sighed softly "How much did you even have?"

You put up both your hands, all fingers up and her eyes widened almost comically, it only made you giggle at her expressions,

"TEN? please tell me TEN sips!"

"Nooo silly, of course not…it was just three glasses with that sercret ingredient." You whispered to her as you leaned in closer as though you were telling a top secret and in a way it was, your lips were turned upwards, dimples lightly peaking.

"Alright, we have to get you back to the dorms then! Let me call Q and Florian, then we'll go okay? You stay here. Don't move Y/N!" She pointed at you, her words strict but you couldn't think about anything other than how pretty she seemed at the moment, so without much thought you blurted out,

"You look so pretty, Kit, you really do." Your eyes were half closed but you could see her wearing a tight black dress, her hair done down and straight, her black heels only making her figure look leaner.

Kitty, despite knowing you were drunk, couldn't help but laugh at your words, she shook her head and told you one last time before disappearing to find Q and Florian as soon as she could.

Looking up, the ceiling was multicolored, flashes of blue and green danced across it and you looked in awe as if it was a piece of art.

You looked around you, noticing the way the entire place seemed to be overcrowded but people were having fun, either getting shit drunk or dancing as if it was their last time.

Welcome to your life

There's no turning back

Even while we sleep

We will find you

You smiled when you heard the familiar tune and lyrics, having hearing it from your roommate and also ended up falling in love with it, the beat was slightly altered to make it more party pop but it only made it more better.

Standing up and stumbling slightly as you made your way to the dance floor, the world looking like it was moving fast as you also moved your body along to the crowd.

You felt as though you'd been hit so hard when you ended up colliding harshly into the person and you braced yourself for the fall, feeling as if you're flying high to come crashing hard into the ground.

Acting on your best behaviour

Turn your back on mother nature

Everybody wants to rule the world

And as cliche as it could get, you didn't feel the crash instead a stronger grip on your waist pulled you back up as the side face instead hit something soft yet firm.

You looked up and you felt the same awe when you saw the multicolored ceiling as though it was a piece of art, maybe even more, as your eyes scanned his face.

It's my own design

It's my own remorse

Help me to decide

Help me make the most

Colours shone on his face, highlighting his sharp jawline that you felt yourself get lost in, you continued to scan the bridge of his nose and his cupid's bow. You looked into his eyes and only felt your haziness increase as you felt the tug in your heart. They seemed to drink you in as you did him, and your gaze turned to the way one corner of his lips turned upwards.

The arm around your waist felt warmer than it should and you definitely felt the heat on your face, your entire body even. Your knees felt more weaker as you prayed your legs didn't give up on you, and with this the grip on your waist only got tighter.

Minho looked down at you, his gaze never leaving your face as he held you up. Staring at your lips for a little longer than he should have. The fact that he felt as if there were sparks of electricity running through just by the waist around your arm and most of your body weight on his, made him only want more. More than he should be wanting.

And again, letting your intrusive thoughts take the wheel of your actions, you lifted up one hand and brushed it along his jawline.

"Ouch…paper cut." Giggling at your ridiculous joke, you rested your head on his shoulder now, moving your arms around his broad shoulders.

Naturally, his own arms now fully wrapped around your waist and if someone, which more than a few heads turned, saw you in this position, it'd look more intimate than it should. Considering how far down you both go.

Minho smiled unknowingly, the sound of your giggles always making his heart race more than it should.

"I know you're clumsy as fuck, but I didn't think you'd fall for me this soon, I guess it would happen soon anyways considering how intelligent and good looking I am."

Your eyes moved to look up into his, noticing his lips pulled into a smirk that really only did more things unbeknownst to you,and you narrowed them before slurring out,

"You sound exactly like Minho, I actually thought it was almost you." You continued mumbling,

"But I know it's definitely not him, considering he was already busy with that…Madison." You rolled your eyes, slowly shutting them and you pushed your head back down onto his shoulders and moved closer to the crook of his neck, craving the warmth he radiated.

"Plus I'm sure he'd let me fall face first on the ground if I fell on him the way I just did." You mumbled into his neck, he felt himself control the shiver that run down his spine when your lips touched his neck as you mumbled.

Frowning, he spoke up, wanting to defend himself even if it seemed pointless,

"No, he wouldn't." He said firmly and you looked up at him as you thought of his words,

"Considering how we are, I don't think I'm wrong to assume he'd do that." Even though you were drunk, you spoke the words more smoothly as if it was a whole truth.

"Besides I don't even care what he does, he can go kiss that…that girl for all I care, no I definitely don't care if he does this with her, if he looks at her like that way."

Minho's expression turned down, his eyebrows furrowing and his lips pulled into a frown,

"What way?" He asked softly as he could see your eyes tearing up and you gulped sadly and you put on a dejected smile,

"How I wish, I wish he'd look at me, for once." You said more gently, whispering letting your vulnerable feelings speak up.

He only felt his heart sinking the more he took in the sadness and vulnerability showing on your face, he felt his guilt double than it had before as he recalled why he'd even been making out with Madison in the first place.

He'd felt his entire focus zone in on the person who'd just walk in the place.

Even as much as he seemed to hate your mere presence, his eyes always seemed to drift towards you much to his annoyance.

His gaze felt heavy as it dragged from the shoes you'd worn to the hairstyle you'd done. Your outfit consisted of a maroon tight dress that had ended just below your knees, a teasing slit running just a little further up your left side, just enough to make someone want to see more.

Your lips were a similar shade of maroon as you smiled, depths forming on your cheeks that tugged at his heart, your hair done down and resting just below your shoulders.

You looked…you looked better than he could even describe.

Beautiful would be a word, but he thinks it underwhelms you.

Kitty was beside you in her black dress and her hair done down but his eyes couldn't stop drinking you in as if it was not enough for him.

He wanted something he shouldn't. He shouldn't be thinking about you right now the way he is.

He forced himself to look away, searching for someone else in the crowd.

He looked better than he should and you hated the way your eyes moved to the dip between his throat and shirt.

Gosh that's such an ugly fucking colour you thought yet you felt fainter as your eyes scanned the way his hair was parted, something you knew only he could pull off. Some loose strands sat on his forehead and you hated the way you felt your legs almost give up in these tight heels as you took in the way the blazer fit his broad shoulders.

Fuck he looked good.

You looked at him, observing him scanning the crowd as he disappeared away.

"Let's get this party started!" Kitty said excitedly to which you lightly laughed,

"Kitty it's already started, we are already like forty minutes late because of a certain someone but sure! Love the enthusiasm! Woo!" You chuckled as you saw her excitement bubble down and then laughing along with you.

"Let's go then girls! The best place at a party, the bar!" Q threw his arms around both your shoulders as he sloshed himself between you, now pulling you towards the bar.

The bartender served up five mocktails which you thought were too beautiful looking to be drank but you raised a toast,

"Here's to meeting new people and ending our bitchless eras!" You toasted as you giggled which was followed by the rest clinking their respective glasses onto yours as you took a sip.

"Guys,I have something." Florian spoke as he pulled a flask from his blazer and your eyes widened at the sight, knowing what it was.

"Oh My God! No way… now you're the real one for this." You said as he winked at you and opened the flask, the smell already indicating what it was as he poured in a bit into yours and his.

"Ohh me too! Me too!" Kitty said as she pushed her glass towards him and he poured in hers as well.

"The last for the best." Florian spoke as he poured it in Q's drink which made him look away and you smirked as you saw him almost blush.

"Now this is a real toast." You finally clinked your drinks for the last time, now taking in a sip, wincing yet loving the bitter taste that contrasted well with the sweetness of the cocktail.

"By the way, Y/N, I don't think you're ever going to be able to meet new people." Kitty spoke which made you turn to her in confusion.

"I mean come on, you won't be able to meet new people because you already are into someone." She continued and now looked towards Q, him nodding in agreement as you still looked in confusion.

"Oh please, don't look like a lost puppy now, we all saw the way you basically bore your eyes into Min ho as soon as you saw him like a hungry vulture or something." Q said which made Florian chuckle and you only glared at his words as though looks could kill.

"You don't plan a murder out loud now do you?" You defended yourself as Kitty rolled her eyes,

"More like you'd kill anyone who'd dare even hurt a fraction of his hair." Kitty said to which now both Florian and Q nodded, feeling betrayal as you looked at Florian, thinking he'd been on your side to which he only raised his hands in his defense.

"Look, Y/N, maybe you don't see it, but you definitely go past the so called hate line you both have." He said as he knew you surely felt more for him than the passive aggressive persona you showed when he was around.

"After all they do say the lines between love and hate tend to blur." Kitty said as she took a sip of her drink and you only scoffed, ready to reply saying you knew where you stood and you were gladly under the hate side, despising Min ho because of his unbearable personality that would make you so mad.

So mad you'd want to punch his pretty face at times.

"Uh oh." Q said suddenly as his eyes caught a sight that he wished wouldn't have but they quickly widened when he realised you were literally right next to him and probably heard him.

Naturally your eyes moved to where he was looking, and oh how you wished you also didn't see what you just saw but for completely different reasons that you couldn't put a finger on at the time being.

Minho stood next to Madison as he whispered something into her ears, which made her laugh, you saw the way his arm was wrapped around her waist, hiding her close to him.

You felt like throwing up as your stomach recoil and churn, moving your eyes, not wanting to think more of this than you should. But it seemed as though it was impossible as the image replayed in your mind.

You felt the tension in the air when your face twisted bitterly, noticing your friends also tensing up and felt guilty for suddenly changing the cheerful mood.

"Guys come one now, I don't care, now go and have fun!" You reassured them as they looked at you skeptically.

"Listen, he can go and fuck around with whoever he wants, I really don't care. We shouldn't let this ruin our moods. Now go." You bit on your tongue as put on a tight smile, no usual dimples peaking, a sign it was fake.

Hearing the firmer tone at the end, Q and Florian nodded as they held hands "Okay then, find us when you need us okay?"

Q said as you just mindlessly nodded and they also moved into the flow of the crowd.

Kitty still looked at you skeptically but you just smiled at her, now a genuine one telling her to go on and finish her agenda of meeting new people.

At least one of you seemed ready to move on.

"Thank you." You heard a voice suddenly speak up from beside you as you sat nursing the cocktail in your hands, it's coolness relieving the warmth your body felt.

"Oh someone with manners, I like that." You said putting down your drink, deciding that if he can fuck around when he wants, who were you to not as well.

The guy next to you turns towards you, him taking in your figure, a smirk forming on his face as he realised who you were.

"I'm Geon." He said to which you smiled.

"Y/N." You spoke up to which he chuckled which made you a bit confused,

"Oh I know." You raised an eyebrow at his words,

"It's an honor to have the hottest girl here talking to me." He said with a grin as you then lifted your drink to take another sip, after which you giggled at his words, even though you didn't think you would have even been phased if it weren't for the alcohol now slowly flowing in your system.

"Oh yeah? Tell me more." You leaned in closer to him with a smug smile, biting your lip lightly to which you think again, this probably wouldn't be happening right now if it weren't for the liquid courage or your mess of an emotional baggage.

This whole spectacle was being seen by someone who'd otherwise think you were both already together. He rolled his eyes, looking away as he clicked his tongue, folding his arms and a scowl of both disgust and jealousy forming on his face.

Of course.

He thought looking back at the pair of Geon and you.

"I think she's better than all the other girls, even Yuri, people say she's the prettiest but don't realize that they are wrong. And Kitty next to you looks so underwhelming but both of them are nothing but plain next to you."

And despite you starting to feel more tipsy, you controlled the urge to just flip him off.

Instead you leaned in closer, raising one hand and cupping his face, bringing your face near his ear, as though you'd whisper about how he was definitely right, a light smile forming on his face.

That's what he thought at least.

Chuckling lowly, you whispered sweetly,

"You know sweety, what type of men I absolutely despise?"

You briefly made eye contact with him when he looked down at you from the corner of his eye.

"The ones who bring women down in hopes of getting into my pants and thinking that will actually work."

You trailed your hand down his neck, fingers lightly touching, he gulped as he shivered under your touch, the grin forming on his face long gone when he heard the venom lacing your tone.

"Let alone the fact that they are my best friends, and trust me, if I wanted to I'd punch the shit out of you right now but,listen to me carefully."

You rested your hand on his collarbone,

"No girl is meant for your judging pleasure especially not for undeserving dickheads like you and if you dare talk to me again, trust me, I can do much worse than you can think."

You leaned back and patted his chest, grinning widely, but your eyes said a completely different story.

"Now. Fuck off."

And fuck off he did as he swallowed nervously, turning around and moving into the crazy crowd,mumbling something under his breath, you not really caring to pay attention to his words as you sighed out, rubbing your forehead with your fingers.

Men are nothing but disappointment, what did I even expect ?

"Hey guess what!- what happened to you?" Kitty said as she suddenly appeared from your right side making you surprised but you smiled at her reassuringly, not wanting her to know what that jerk said for obvious reasons.

"Oh it's nothing, it's getting noisy that's all." Kitty didn't seem convinced at all because she did spot you talking to Geon, not wanting to interrupt when he saw you whispering something to him,

Huh so she really was serious about the whole meeting new people thing?

But when he walked away looking a little paler, she figured it was not exactly what it looked like, deciding that she should intervene now.

"Oh-kay but you know what, I just…" You now looked forward your back facing the bar as you placed your elbows on the counter, leaning onto them, raising an eyebrow at her for her to continue,

"I am glad I came here, I'm glad we all did, I'm happy, for once and it feels so…so good to be happy with you guys who I didn't think would even be my friends."

She said smiling at you, her sitting down next to your stool, and you turned your neck, looking at her now,

You smiled, finally a genuine one and it showed when your dimples showed,

"I'm glad I met you guys as well." You told her and just as she was about to say something, her eyes trailed towards your left, narrowing to make sure she was seeing right.

She froze when she saw you look at her, naturally wanting to see what made her look the way she was looking right now.

"Uh! Well look you know I'm happy you…uh well you agreed to come here!" She pulled your shoulders a little forcefully, the rotating barstool moving and making you now face her.

You looked perplexed at her behaviour, especially how she almost knocked you out but she just smiled at you, a little too forcefully.

"I just think you should know you deserve better than you think and even if it's not-"

"Kitty."

You called out to her, stopping her rambling, moving your hands up from off your shoulders.

"What's got you so…so nervous all of a sudden?" You questioned seeing her eyes still fixated behind you, her hand stopping you again from turning around.

"I just don't think you should see this. Really." She swallowed nervously and you waved her off,

"It's not that deep Kitty chill." You said but how you wished you'd listen to her.

You went rigid, seeing the sight now in front of you and clenched your jaw.

There was Minho in all his glory, kissing, no more like passionately making out with none other than Madison.

He had his arms around her waist as she played with his hair, and you could see her smile into the kiss. His mouth moved from her lips to her jawline and you watched her giggle as he seemed to be whispering something that made her laugh only more.

Fuck.

Why did it feel like someone just ripped your heart out and smashed it right in front of you with their bare hands?

You turned towards the bar, squeezing your eyes shut, holding your head in your hands as you felt the pounding in it get harder.

You gulped harshly trying to squeeze the image out of your brain,

"Y/N." Kitty put her hand on your shoulder, her warm touch contrasting the coldness you felt.

"Ah, I should have listened to you." You laughed but it held no humour. You could feel your emotions go all over the place as you replayed everything you'd seen till now.

Both of them laughing together, him looking at her as if she was the only on there, him focusing on her as if she was the only one there, him making out with her as if she'd slip away from his hands.

"You know what maybe I just need a little drink." You raised your hand up calling for the bartender and asking for two cocktails.

You put your hand out to Kitty expectedly, her frowning at the way you tried to act as if it was all right but she could see the unshed tears on your lash line.

Before she could say anything, you asked her quickly,

"Where's that whisky Florian gave you?" Talking about the flask she'd been hiding in her purse that was given to her by Florian.

"Y/N, you can't just drink away your emotions like this, you can't even handle alcohol-"

"Kitty, I'll be fine, just…just give it to me please?"

She sighed, she knew about your tendency to avoid talking about your feelings. She just opened up her purse and removed the flask just as the bartender served the drinks.

You took it from her and poured a questionable amount but you didn't really care at the moment, wanting to feel the high rather than the heaviness you currently felt creeping in your chest.

Raising a toast to yourself, you grinned up at Kitty, a sorrowness that only made her feel more and more sympathic for you.

"Here's to the most unluckiest person at the moment, me!"

That was now half an hour ago, and here you were now wrapped tightly around the very person who'd made you feel miserable in the first place.

"You know it's not even his fault. We don't even like each other. I'm pretty sure he hates me but why the fuck does it hurt so bad?" You whined as you pulled away from the supposed stranger's, attractive one at least, body and stood up on your own.

You pushed his arms away from you and you almost stumbles but held one hand out when he tried to hold you again to prevent you from falling,

"Y/N you'll fall-"

"No, I'm fine, I swear. I don't even know why I just dumped that weird emotional baggage onto you, sorry."

"Thank you anyways, for you know saving me from breaking my own face right there, if you want me to repay you, just come to Chemistry class first period on Monday!"

You stepped away from him and trying to not cry because no matter how drunk you were you didn't want to cry over some stupid boy.

Minho stood there, his eyes downcast as he remembered the look on your face, he ran a hand through his hair, exhaling heavily.

How do I even begin ?

READ PART TWO HERE !

all written works as well as images and edits (unless credited) belong to pri.do not plagiarise, repost, re-edit or claim as yours. pics mostly found on pinterest.

feedback is appreciated hehe :D 💗

links : main navi !

#xo kitty #xo kitty min ho #min ho x reader #xo kitty minho #min ho fluff #min ho angst #min ho fic #sang heon lee #lee sang heon #x female reader #x fem!reader #xo kitty fanfic #[ pri works ]

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pit-and-the-pen · 7 days

Text

I'll Crawl Home to Her- Chapter 2

Sorry this update took a little longer, I had some personal stuff going on and my work schedule was pretty packed this week.

Also, this is a fix-it fic. It'll be following the events of the whole series so buckle in y'all.

Chapter warnings: Warnings: Mention of abuse/ trauma, one comment about weight in terms of said said abuse , minor blood

WC: 9.6K

Read the previous parts here

[prologue] [chapter 1]

“Rhys is the most handsome High Lord.” I read line after line of similar words. I rolled my eyes at my brother's antics.

“He’s sure laying it on thick.” I say as I sat down next to Feyre. She looks up from her writing and gives me a guarded laugh.

“At least I’m entertaining.” She huffs out.

“I can help you too, if you want. Give you a break from him.” She raises her eyebrow at me, studying me with a look that made me want to sink in on myself.

“Why?” She asks sharply

I willed my temper down. “Because despite what Tamlin might tell you, we’re not evil,” I spit out at her, she doesn’t flinch even slightly at the venom in my voice. “And you’re going to be here once a month for the foreseeable future. I’d like us to at least tolerate each other. Plus, it would piss off my brother.” Her eyes shone with mischief.

“You should have started with that.” And that was that. I pushed Rhys’ papers to the side and picked out a few books that had been my favorite. The plots are interesting enough to make up for the basic words used. Feyre caught on fairly easily. She could recognize almost all of the basic words but struggled to read them out loud. Not fully understanding how the sounds mashed together. We sat and read, and then when that got to be too much for her we just started talking. It was nothing deep, not really gossip either. Just casual words thrown back and forth until she asks out of the blue. “What’s the deal with Tamlin and Rhys?” I froze into stillness only fae possessed. Sensing my discomfort she backtracked. “You don’t have to tell me. I shouldn’t have asked.” Her voice held a little edge of fear. I forced my shoulders to relax.

“No, you have every right to ask. It’s…complicated. You’re walking into centuries old distrust and unfortunately, are caught in the middle.” It wasn’t fair to her to be caught in all of this old shit. That was our baggage and I could see it was affecting her but she pressed on.

“But why do they hate each other so much?”

“I’m not the best person to ask.” She narrowed her eyes at my non-answer. I sighed. “We’ve both done some terrible things to each other's courts, the wounds run deep and that’s all I’ll tell you.”

“Why?” She would not let up.

“Because you love Tamlin. And I don’t want you to think I’m trying to ruin whatever picture you have of him.” That really seemed to pique her curiosity.

“You had a different experience with him?” It felt like she had punched me in the stomach. No. That’s the problem, I had the exact same experience with him and I ended up just as broken as I can see you’re becoming.

“That’s not a story for today.” I tried to keep the shake out of my voice and maybe it was that, or the fear I know I couldn’t keep off of my face that made her drop the subject with a small, “okay”.

It was lunch time before we decided to take a break. “Do you want to eat here or go out with the others?”

“Rhys will just pull me out if I don’t.”

“My brother can fuck off. What do you want to do?” I saw a ghost of a smile twitch across her face. So we ate in the library. I left only long enough to stack up two plates full of food. Rhys took in the amount of food I was grabbing,

“Hungry today?” I only stuck my tongue out at him and walked back out of the room.

Rhys joined us a little after lunch. If he was surprised to still see me in here, he didn’t let it show. I didn’t leave until Feyre told me she was okay with me doing so.

It was probably overkill to be so protective of her, Rhys was the last person who would ever try to hurt her or anything like that but she was still uneasy around him. She hid it well with the sheer disdain she showed him but I could tell from the rigidness of her shoulders and that slight edge in her voice. But there was also something else there that I couldn’t put my finger on.

Feyre had stayed in the library long after their meeting. I found her hunched over another book, finger slowly tracing over the words. She hardly looked up as I placed another plate of food in front of her and went to walk out of the room. She didn’t call after me and I was okay with that. Scared she might start another round of questions.

I didn’t see much of her after that. So I traveled back and forth between Velaris. Spending half my time at the manor and the other half actually doing my job as researcher. I really didn’t have to work but it gave me something to fill up my days. Before Amarantha I spent most of my time helping Cassian manage the Illyrians, from the background of course. Being the High Lords sister did not save me from their views on females. So I only showed up when necessary, Azriel and Cassian always following behind me. They learned fast enough to keep their tongues in check if they wanted to keep them in their mouths.

Currently I was looking at old maps of Prythian. Combining through records for landscapes and t river patterns. Where the boundaries have shifted over time. And then came the daunting task of trying to pick out recountings of the old war. Figuring out who does best with what court. Prepping for the outcome we were all dreading, another war with Hybern.

“I don’t understand what you’re trying to get from these books.” Cassian said, absently flipping through the large leather bound book I had just placed to the side.

“Anything. Weakness, strengths, strategies, gods, anything.” I said leaning back. I knew I had to take a break, when I closed my eyes I could still see the words swirling in the blackness behind my eyelids. I took a deep breath and went to look at the giant map I had covered my desk with. Pins and markers to recount every movement during the last war.

“Do you really think that it’s going to help?” I know he wasn’t trying to be rude. His voice was soft when he asked and my shoulders sunk in slightly.

“I don’t know. But if it does…” He nodded in understanding. Azriel knocked lightly on the door, making both Cas and I jump. He had learned to knock now after he had to dodge out of the way of the book I had launched at him last week. I still haven't reaccustomed myself to how quiet his footsteps could be. A skill I had once prided myself on, I had even been able to pick up on those silent footsteps and find him before he wanted to be seen.

“Just wanted to remind you two to eat.” He looked at the books strewn across the table, taking note of the one Cassian was still flipping through, playing with truly. “I know how you can get when you’re focused. Time for food.” He smiled at the shy look I gave him from being called out. Many times he had to drag me out of my office when I really got into something. His smile made me think he was remembering those times too.

“If we go, will you two stop making eyes at each other?” Cassian spoke up, making me break away from Azriel’s stare.

“We were not.” I responded, trying to tame the blush in my cheeks. Get it together. I told myself as I forced myself to turn to Cas. His eye roll was the only answer I got. Azriel had already started walking down the hall and I slapped Cassian on the arm.

“You’re so annoying sometimes Cas.”

“And you love me for it.” He gave me a loud, wet peck on the cheek and gave a full head-thrown-back laugh when I made a big show of wiping it off.

I didn't return to the other house that night. Opting to stay with my friends. One of whom, Cassian, had gone into the wine cellar and returned with his arms almost full of the expensive bottles. I just laughed as he shot me a wink. I blew him a kiss back as I settled down on the couch besides Mor.

We didn’t bother getting glasses, passing the bottles around while we talked about absolutely nothing, acting like we had during our teenage years. It was later in the night before Rhys appeared in the living room. He took one look at all of us and rolled his eyes before he swiped the bottle out of my hand and brought it to his lips.

Mor and I were fully supporting each other's weight on the couch, I couldn’t tell who was leaning against who more but our giggles started to get louder and more frequent. She whispered to me so quietly I had to strain to hear her. “Stop staring at him.” And we fell into another fit of giggles.

She was right though, everytime Azriel talked I could feel how my eyes stayed locked on him. Reminding myself to breathe when he pulled the bottle to his lips. I pushed off of Mor and went to stand up, wobbling slightly as my feet touched the ground. Azriel made a move like he was going to catch me if I took a face first dive on the carpet but when I steadied myself, he moved back. It happened so fast I wonder if I imagined it.

“I think it’s bedtime.” I said, mouth feeling mushy as the words came out. Mor laughed again and I turned to face her and gave her a rude gesture. I offered that same hand to pull her up to her feet and she pouted before taking it. Everyone seemed to get the hint that it was late so all of us in our various drunken states started the climb up the stairs to our rooms. Good nights thrown through the hallways, Cassian all but screaming it to make sure Mor and I heard him. The sound made us flinch before laughing again as I closed the door to my room.

---------------------

Before I knew it Feyre’s week was officially up. She had demanded to be brought back home and I fought down the biting comments I wanted to make as Rhys agreed. I stepped besides the pair and she looked over to me for a brief second before pretending that neither of us existed.

“You don’t have to come with me. Rhys spoke into my mind and replied with a shake of my head. I could do this for Feyre. Despite every part of my body screaming at me for bringing her back to the Spring court, if she could be brave then so could I. He sighed at my stubbornness but knew that there was no changing my mind.

We weren’t going far. Simply dropping her at the border of spring and summer and making sure she got into the manor. I could manage that. Yet as we were getting ready to winnow in, I felt my hands go clammy. I remember me saying I’ll never go back there willingly.

The smell was the first thing that hit me. The overwhelming floral scent. I could smell the roses from the outside of the manor this far away, their sheer number coating the air with a smell that threatened to suffocate me on the spot.

“Goodbye, Feyre.” She had already started walking before he finished speaking, not sparing so much as a glance back to us. So we stood and watched her retreating figure until those wooden doors closed behind her. That was that.

We didn’t return to Hewn city, instead winnowing outside the townhome.

Rhys didn’t stay to greet our friends. Instead, he all but ran up the stairs to either go to his study or his room. Everyone gave me a tentative look before I shrugged and sprawled out on the couch besides Azriel.

He didn’t try to pull away from me. Instead, he lifted his hands from their spot on his lap. His way of telling me I could place my legs up so I didn’t have to sit awkwardly to avoid his wings. I did and I ignored how happy that little gesture made me. Over the last few weeks he seemed to be able to handle being around me again.

Cassian started rapid firing questions at me. What is she like? She threw what at Rhys? Anything for scraps of what their brother's mate was actually like. Sure they had gotten the story of her trials but this was different, getting to know who she actually was. Cassian seemed pleased to know she was still just as head strong. “Maybe someone will finally humble him a little.” He chuckled

Rhys spoke up as he entered the room. “Who’s humbling who?” He picked at an invisible piece of lint on his shoulder. The only sign of how upset sending Feyre back had made him.

Cassian didn’t answer but instead asked “Did she really throw a shoe at you?” He laughed when Rhys shot me a dirty look. Answering the question for him. “I want to meet her.” Cassian said and I swore he was almost pouting.

Rhys sighed, “And have you scare her off.” Cassian looked hurt so Rhys added, “Let her get more adjusted to me before we add all of this into the mix. Besides, she cannot see Velaris. Not when…” not when she came back to Tamlin. Not when she could still spill every little secret of ours to one of our biggest enemies.

Cas looked like he wanted to argue but only said “Princess gets to see her.”

“Because I have a winning personality.” I smiled at him and he launched one of the small pillows from his chair at me. I managed to deflect it but as it bounced off my arm it hit Azriel square in the face. I bit down my laughter at his faux outraged face. He threw it back and before I knew it, they were yelling at each other, well Cas was yelling and Azriel was trying his hardest not to laugh.Sensing a fight was emanate, I pushed off of Azriel and spoke loudly over the two Illyrian males.

“Outside if you’re going to fight.” Even Armen, who had stalked into the room around as Rhys laughed at that.

Cassian turned to me, his temper still flaring. “We’re not dogs.”

“Last time you both fought in the house, I was cleaning up glass for a week.” I raised an eyebrow at him, challenging him to say otherwise.

Azriel spared Cassian from having to respond. “C’mon.” He said, pulling Cassian to what I could only assume was the training ring.

“I forgot how much you look like Rhys when you get bossy.” Cassian said as he was pulled from the room. And my responding gesture made the rest of the room go up in laughs. Rhys followed them out. Probably needing to get rid of his own tension and Armen had snuck back into the research room.

I didn’t have it in me to just stare at maps all day long, regardless of knowing how much I needed to. So I just stayed in the living room, a random book from the shelf pulled onto my lap.

Rhys came back first, hair only slightly disheveled, wings out proudly. “Once I get out of the bath, it’s time for your training.” I huffed and he could sense I was about to argue with him. “Cassian and Azriel told me you can’t use your powers.” Traitors. “So we’re going to figure out what the hel is wrong.”

Less than an hour later I was sitting in Rhys’ study. A small candle flickering in front of me, taunting me to snuff it out. I pulled and pulled for any of the small dark tendrils to do so but found nothing. Sweat was beginning to form on my brow with how hard I was concentrating.

Rhys huffed in frustration at my lack of progress. “It was easier teaching Feyre to read.”

“Then by all means, go back to that. I’d love to see her throw another shoe at you.” I bit back at him and he just rolled his eyes.

“Try again.” He went right back to business, ignoring my statement. I really did try. I Have been trying. That rich darkness that normally lingered under my skin seemed like it was hidden behind a wall. Just out of my grasp, so close I could almost taste it, almost touch it. I yelped as I reached out towards it. Pain flickering through my body as if it had burned me. Rhys’ hand on my shoulder snapped me out of whatever had happened. Sweat broke across my skin and I flinched as I felt my magic fight against the wall inside my head.

“What’s happening?” I spoke to my brother. He just stared at me before I felt a phantom knock at my mental shields. I forced them open and almost screamed at the pain that flooded through me. I knew the moment he found it. Felt that sickening thread of magic that never released when the spell broke for the other high lords. Rhys’ presence in my head retreated and we could only look at each other. No words to be found between us.

“Fuck.” The first word he uttered and I somehow found it in myself to laugh.

“That bad?”

“Good news is there’s not a physical block. No magic stopping you.” So why did he still look like death froze over? “Bad news, you’re the block.”

“Go on?”

“I don’t fully know but it looks like your magic is being tied up by your own magic.”

“So, you’re saying. I’m the problem?”

“I’ve been saying that your whole life but yes, especially in this case.” He teased, trying to lighten the new tension in the air. I bite

“Well then that simply means you’re going to be stuck with me a lot more. That or I go to Helion.” He rolled his eyes at the mention of the other high lord, one who has been trying for the last few centuries to get me into his bed.

“Maybe.” shit. It must be serious if he’s actually willing to let Helion help. “Let’s hope it doesn’t come down to that.” He says solemnly and points back to the candle. I stare at him for a moment before sighing and trying to cover the light again.

We sit as I try again and again and again. Nothing besides a small puff of black smoke to let us know that I’m even trying. Right as I’m about to say something I see Rhys flinch and his eyes flare with anger. Only not at me, his eyes look far away as that anger homes in on whatever must have made his shoulders tense.

I see his eyes come back into focus and I don’t even have to ask before he’s spilling. “He hurt her.” I don’t need him to say who. “I can tell it’s nothing serious but I got nothing but pure fear from her.” Rhys had already explained that the bargain amplified the usual effects of the mating bond. That he could sometimes get whiffs of any strong emotion from Feyre. Fear, anger, mostly fear but as her nightmares have started to fade I haven't heard much about it. My stomach curls and I try to will my hands to not shake as my mind drifts to the endless possibilities of what could have happened.

“It’ll be okay. She’s strong.” The words felt wrong in my mouth and Rhys said the very thing I had been thinking.

“You were strong.”

“Well you can’t very well march in there and get her.” I saw the look on his face. “You can’t, we can’t. And she still doesn’t want us. Unless it feels like that first time…” He shook his head. So not as bad. Still bad, still awful enough for her to send fear down the bond but not bad enough that Rhys could only hear her screaming for someone to get her out of there. So we both let it go, ignored the thoughts that told every part of us to go help this girl from whatever Tamlin was inflicting. But even I knew that Tamlin’s anger comes from his love. That anger so wrapped in fear that something will happen that he almost wills those incidents into existence.

We spend hours trying to break whatever block is in my head until I’m grumpy and all but biting his head off at every little comment he makes. He bites right back at me and I know there's no point in this anymore, both of us too on edge to do anything productive. Throwing his hands up in surrender he doesn’t stop me as I storm out of his study. I run head first into Azriel on my way to my room, his hands resting on my arms so I don’t topple over.

“Training went that well.” He says with a small chuckle. The noise sends a low growl from my throat and he takes his hands off of me. “We’ll figure this out.” He says and I continue my path to my room, not staying long enough to see the concern in his eyes.

I was still grumpy by the time that dinner rolled around but I managed to pull myself out of bed. My head is pounding from the strain and whatever Rhys did inside my mind. I throw on the first thing I find, still in my thin nightgown I pulled on after my bath, and head down to dinner. I don’t say much and not even Cassian tries to cheer me up, all he does is remind me that I’m joining them for training in the morning. I don’t respond with anything other than stabbing the chicken on my plate with extra force.

---------------------

I struck the center of the dummy and looked over for Cassian for any semblance of approval. He gave me a bored look and I stomped over to the stupid thing and pulled all three of the daggers out of it. Cas wanted me to get back up to snuff with long range before he put a sword in my hand again. I had never needed the sword that I kept strapped to my back on the missions I would accompany Azriel on, always having my powers to stop anyone from getting that close in the first place. Between Azriel shadows and my blanket of darkness, very rarely did we ever need anything more than truth teller.

I grunted in frustration as the sharp metal flew through my fingers time after time, all of them hitting the center of the target.

“Fuck this Cas, I did the warm ups, I did the exercises. Let me fight.” I needed to do something more than this. If I couldn’t use my powers, if they never came back, I needed to be useful. In no world would I just sit around and let my friends risk death while I sat around playing with my maps. Cassian must have heard the desperation in my voice because he agreed.

We circled each other and I got a rare glimpse of Cassian with no restraint. This was the war general that scared people just by being on the battlefield. I tried not to let the frision of fear show as he surveyed every inch of me, seemingly reading my body language like I was screaming my next moves at him. I didn’t stand a chance. His fist made contact with my nose before I could turn out of the way and I fell to the ground. My hand went up and when I pulled it back, my fingers were sticky with my blood. Cassian was instantly in front of me, mumbling out apologies. I held up my hand to stop him from talking.

“Cassian.” A stern voice called out as I ran my hand along my nose again, feeling for any breaks. “What did you do to her?” Azriel’s voice was full of concern as he knelt besides Cassian.

“Alright bat brains. I’m not dying,” I started to stand up and they both reached out their hands to help me up, I swatted them away and brushed off the dust on my pants. “It’s not the first time I’ve been too slow before, and it’s not going to be the last.” They both stared at me and I rolled my eyes. “C’mon. I still have to beat you Cas.” He shook his head laughing and Azriel shot him a glare.

Cassian, never one to back down from a challenge, and never one to miss an opportunity to piss off Azriel, agreed to go back into the ring with me. He coached me through it this time, slowing down his punches to explain how to predict them and block them. All things that I knew but just needed more practice. By the end of the hour I was covered in sweat but I was able to block him without his guidance. Azriel didn’t leave either, hanging back to watch, adding his own little tips and tricks to help me get some advantage over Cassian but I still couldn’t get him to budge an inch.

“Do you want to get in with her then?” Cassian shouted to Azriel as he continued to assist me from the side lines. I made a motion for Cassian to stop as I tried to catch my breath. Placing my hands on my knees and sucking in screaming breaths.

“I think I’m done.” I panted out.

“If you wanted me to make you breathless princess, all you had to do was ask.” He winked and tossed a canteen full of water over to me. I drank half of it in one long gulp and forced myself to stand up straight. My muscles were already crying out in protest. Tomorrow was going to suck for sure.

The three of us walked back up to the house, laughing and joking and I felt proud of the progress I was making. Even if the dried blood still on my hands might have suggested otherwise.

---------------------

A month went by so fast, I had to tick off the days to make sure I was right.I woke up to Rhys preparing to collect Feyre from the spring court again. Rhys didn’t ask me to go with him this time, after that last flood of emotions he knew he would have a hard time containing himself let alone both of us.

I was already waiting at the house for when they got back, ready to play mediator if need be. They had barely materialized before my brother was fussing over Feyre. The two bickered back and forth but from the way she looked over herself, I knew even she could hear the worry in his voice. She had lost more weight since the last time she had been here. The shadows under her eyes creeped back onto her pale skin. “Eat breakfast with me.” He said and I shifted from my place in the living room. Mor was somewhere in the house after her visit to the Court of Nightmares yesterday. Probably still decompressing with the bottle of wine she took with her to bed.

I gave Feyre a small smile and she didn’t return it, but she didn’t glare at me either. It’s a step at least. The female in front of me gave a heavy sigh after weighing Rhys offer. The growl I heard come from her stomach seemed to make the decision for her. I didn’t follow them, if she had wanted me to I would have been able to tell. So I stayed close enough that I could swoop in and save her from my brother's overprotectiveness if need be. The glimpses of their conversation I caught weren’t the best but I stilled completely as I caught,

“I was tortured, beaten and fucked until only I could tell myself who I was, what I was protecting. Please- help me keep that from happening again. To Prythian.” My heart ached at the words. He had had it so much worse than I did, regardless of what people might believe. I could see it on his face during some of his bad days, the scars of what Amarantha did to him. I didn’t listen to her response as I walked to my room.

I found Feyre the next day as I had the last time, hunched over the table with more lines from Rhys to read. She was copying them in better handwriting than she had before. When I approached she didn’t so much as look up at me. I called her name gently and still nothing. So I took that as my sign to let her be. Rhys had gotten called to the war camps later that day.

“Just look after her please. I know she’s fine but let me know if either of you need anything.” He blabbered as I all but pushed him out the door.

“We’ll be fine, you overprotective mother hen.” His face fell slightly and I couldn’t stand that look on his face. “I’ll let you know if she needs anything, okay? Now go be a High Lord.” I saw a hint of a smile as he winnowed out of the house.

I tried to stay out of her way. Whatever bit of goodwill she had allowed me last time seemingly disappeared. So I kept bringing her books when she ran out of the ones Rhys had given her, brought her food and left her to her own devices. Today, she didn’t give me a glare as I sat down in the armchair on her left. I opened my own book without giving her a second glance. The small hmph she made was the only indication she had even noticed my presence. She didn’t want to talk and quite frankly, neither did I, perfectly content with getting lost in our own books.

It was around midday and the sun was just starting to peek through the heavy curtains of the library when I felt Rhys appear in the room. In his hands were trays of food which he presented to Feyre. A small thank you left her lips and I wanted to smack that smug look on Rhys face as he teased her. But then I saw his face get serious and I suddenly felt very much like I was intruding on a private moment. “Tell me how I can help you.” His voice was scratchy and I knew he was trying to hold back tears, to keep the conversation casual enough that she wouldn’t shut him out again. I truly did try to tune them out but these were the same things I had been wanting to say to her all week but couldn’t find the strength.

“If you fall apart then the bitch wins. All of that is for nothing and she wins.” Rhys said plainly and Feyre flinched before going back to her book. I could tell that she was talking to him in her mind. My eyes grew wide when I saw that slight layer of frost cover the book cover. Rhys barely had time to dodge said book as it was thrown right at his head. It bounced harmlessly to the floor and I stifled a laugh. The laugh died in my throat when I saw the flicker of flames in her palms and I tried to reach my mind out to Rhys, he all but threw me out.

Feyre and Rhys left later that day. I didn’t offer to come with, didn’t want to come with. Just like last time when Rhys returned to Velaris, he stalked to his office and hid out for the rest of the evening. I only got close enough to the door to leave a plate of food outside before retreating back to my side of the house. His emotions pouring through the door were enough to give me a headache, the way it felt like I was walking into a brick wall. I didn’t try to talk to him for the rest of the day. Instead choosing to pull my attention back to the map in my study.

I had been neglecting it to focus on Feyre and Rhys but I knew it’s just because I wasn’t getting anywhere. No matter how many books I read, I couldn’t think of anything that would help us win this war. Not without all seven courts working together and I knew Hel would freeze over before that ever happened.

So I read until my eyes became blurry and heavy. My head had gotten so heavy like the words were getting stuck and wouldn’t leave. When I felt my eyes starting to close and knocking on the door jostled me awake. I saw the shadows before I saw him, too tired to notice that they had time to take in my current state and report back to Az.

“You should take a break.” He said as he went to pull up a chair at the table I was sitting at.

“I can’t take a break when I haven’t found anything yet.” I whined at him. “I’m supposed to be good at this, I am good at this. Or at least I was.” I slumped in my chair and I saw that familiar look of concern flash through his warm amber eyes. He sat there, I could almost see the gears in his brain turning, his shadows starting to swirl around the floor like soothing waves. I stared at them and felt my mind calm slightly. He sighed and leaned back in his chair, wings flapping behind him.

We just sat there in silence for a few moments and then he stood up suddenly. My eyes tracked the movement, following his arm as he extended a hand to me. It was like my brain short circuited at the gesture. He had to clear his throat before I snapped out of it and I timidly placed my hand in his. He led me out of my office and I felt his shadows on my heels. “Where are we going?” I laughed at how ridiculous this must look, one of the fiercest Illyrian warriors towing someone behind him like an excited kid.

“Just be quiet. You’ll know when we get there.” His own voice full of an almost giddy excitement. So I let him pull me along. All the way outside until it clicked. There was a little patch of grass beside the Sidra that I loved to sit by when the weather was just starting to turn warm. Our little group used to spend free days out on that field, just soaking in the warmth. He gave me a proud smirk when we finally reached that stretch of grass. “Now, you’re going to sit and just enjoy being out here.”

“Is that an order?” I teased and he didn’t miss a beat.

“If that means you’ll actually do it, then yes.” I sat and looked out over the river. The lights and sounds of the city walk could just trickle in, becoming a lovely hum in the back of my mind. I patted the spot next to me and Azriel sat beside me. I curled my knees up to my chest and rested my chin on top of them. Just looking at the city I loved so much. We didn’t talk, Azriel was always good for that. He knew when I needed the quiet. The sound of the small waves helped clear my head and after a while I felt my shoulders sink down, the tension lightening. It was still there of course but became more manageable as I could smell the water and Azriel’s pine and fresh air scent. It wrapped its way around me and held me like my favorite blanket.

“Thank you.” I said, breaking the comfortable silence. We didn’t look at each other, still staring out at the city just ahead.

“Of course. Anything for you,” He cleared his throat, “For one of my friends.” I bit down the string at that little word. I fought the urge to put some distance between us at the feeling that flooded me. The cruel reminder of just exactly how he saw me. So I just pulled my legs in tighter and ignored all the thoughts of him that began to take over.

We didn’t head back to the house until sundown. The pair of us walked under the flickering faelights that lined the streets. It still blows my mind how much the city changed while I was gone. I told him that much. And he shrugged off the tiny complement.

“Rhys and I will never be able to thank you enough for how much you all did while we were…gone.” My voice felt tight as I finished, “You kept our home safe when we couldn’t.” He turned to look at me and went to say something but stopped himself. His face looked slightly pained, in that concerned way he always managed. He shook his head slightly.

“You did more than we ever could. You and Rhys gave us a chance to have something to protect in the first place.” In his words, I was pulled back to that night when it had all gone to shit. How Cassian and Azriel were out dealing with the camps and how I couldn’t convince Rhys not to go so I insisted that I come along. I had to beg him to let me come with him and he still wasn’t happy about it. We walked right into a trap and before most of his power had been ripped away from him he wiped the memory of Velaris from everyone who was under the mountain and let our friends know what was happening, how they couldn’t come after us without leaving Velaris unguarded.

Azriel’s small nudge to my shoulder pulled me back to the present and his eyes asked the question before he needed to.

“I’m okay.” But I felt how my arms had wrapped around myself but he didn’t say anything about it, letting me have my space. We reached the house again and I could hear Cassian and Mor’s voices floating down the hallway. The sound alone plastered a smile on my face. Azriel followed behind me as I rounded the corner and Cassian all but cheered when he saw me. “There you are princess, we went to pull you out of your study but it seems someone beat us to it.” He gave me a small wink and I laughed at the joke behind it. I shook my head as I sat down next to Mor who was already pouring me a glass of wine.

Rhys spoke to me across the table, “I peaked in and saw the map, tomorrow if you’re up for it I want all of us to go over it.” I nodded and he smiled at me. And we all ate and joked and I left the love I felt for the people in the room washed over me like the waves in the Sidra.

---------------------

“So if it comes down to war. Who do we have?” Rhys turned to Cassian and myself. We were all sitting around the map I had been working on, face grim as I explained the various markings.

“The Illyrians don’t have a choice. The court of nightmares should. We kept up pretty well with Dawn and Day. Winter…” His voice trailed off. I still remember Kallias’ face as the news broke of the attack on Winter. The thousands of babes dead by Amarantha’s hand. The pure loathing his face held as he looked at Rhys.

“I can talk to them.” I had always liked Kallias. And from the little bit I’ve heard since our return home, he finally married Viviane after being friends since childhood. Viviane was sweet and her, Mor and I had been known to get ourselves in trouble when together. If she would listen, Winter would come around.

“Autumn and Spring are lost causes.” Cassian sighed beside me, slumping down in his chair.

“Tamlin is delusional enough to think it would keep him safe.” And keep Feyre safe. But I didn’t say that outloud. “Beron is…well Beron. Unless we think we can pursue one of the brothers to take him out of the equation, I think it’s better to not plan for them.”

“Summer?” Rhys asked pointedly ignoring Cas’ words on the other seasonal courts.

“Tarquin is new and young. He’ll side with the majority. But I think I could talk to him and at least see where his loyalties lie.” I had only talked to the new high lord a few times during our time under the mountain. He seemed nice enough, one of the few people who was even willing to talk to me at all. No fear of the role I had been forced into and hoped he would side with us. Hoped his newness wouldn’t scare him into the easy choice.”

“I don’t like the idea of having two courts fighting against us.” Azriel finally spoke up. I had almost forgotten he was in the room but his shadow currently sitting at my feet should have been reminder enough. “Hybern has the armies he needs and if he has the cauldron….”

“So what do you suggest?” My brother asked, head in his hands.

“We talk to them. Let them know that we won’t win this if we’re not unified. Remind them that we fought a war once to avoid this very thing and some courts were on the wrong side of history then and would be now.” I spoke plainly, it was the only answer. If it had been anyone else the idea would have been shot down. But Rhys just let out a heavy breath and nodded.

“We’ll wait until we’re sure. Some courts will refuse to believe there will be a war until it’s staring them in the face.” The tone in Rhys’ voice letting us know this meeting was over. We all stayed in the room, the same exhausted look sat on our faces. “Good work.” Rhys said to me as he studied the map again. “You got all of this from books?” I had been too young to remember most of the war, let alone fight in it. But at least someone had thought it smart to recount all of it in very exact detail, I just managed to translate to current day Prythian. Rhys was silently nodding to himself as he really studied the map. The others slowly filter out of the room, leaving Rhys and I alone studying the map.

“And these?” He pointed to the orange marks I had drawn all over.

“Trade agreement routes, the thicker the line, the more movement there is through that path. They would be the most vulnerable areas since people know them so well. They’re also normally the quickest way between courts.” I pointed out more of the lines and pins. I had so much marked off, down to what ways the rivers flowed and where their currents changed. Rhys just drank in all the information I threw at him, only nodding along to the explanations. I was about to start on another part of the map before I saw his face freeze.

Rhys had completely stilled besides me. That all-too-familiar far-away look on his. When I raised my eyebrow at him, “What is it? Is it…” He didn’t wait for me to finish, instead he let me into his mind and I almost flinched at whatever feeling Feyre was sending him. The crushing agony and pure terror. It was a feeling I knew all too well. These weren't the few stray glimpses Feyre had sent him while they were separated. This was the very thing all of us were holding our breath for, hoping it never happened.

“Rhys we can’t just ignore it this time.” I spoke, already leaving the table. His hand wrapped around my wrist, making me pause.

“If you storm in there, Tamlin has every right to declare a war.”

“And we’ll have every right to kill his sorry ass. Something that we could have done decades ago.” I spit back at my brother.

“Please.” His voice shook with fear. Scared for Feyre and maybe for me. I put my hands up in surrender. I couldn’t argue against the tone in his voice.

“So how do you want to do this then?” I asked him and we started planning.

In less than 10 minutes Mor had winnowed right on the border of spring and summer. Rhys had insisted that she come along to help. Her status would help blanket us from any repercussions. Plus her powers would come in handy if any of the guards found us. So her and I snuck into that manor I had sworn I would never see again. Do it for Feyre. Be brave for her. I said to myself as my own terror rose to a fever pitch.

I could see the darkness already pouring out of the house. My anger quickly turned into fear. What did he do to her? The voice in my head screamed. Rhys had already broken the wards and whatever was locking her inside the house. Mor knocked out the guards before they could spot us. When we finally entered the house my blood ran cold. Sitting in a ball of inky darkness was Feyre. Her screams pierced something deep inside of me. I looked around and locked eyes with Alis. Her eyes wide as she took in my face.

“He locked her in the house. I tried to…Please just keep her safe.” Was all the older fae had said to me.

My heart warmed at the concern in her voice. The same concern she had once shown me. I nodded and walked towards Feyre. Whatever darkness she was wielding seemed to only be for her and as I shook her shoulder, gently saying her name they retreated slightly. I looked over to Mor who only gave me a small nod. Taking her cue, I picked up the shaking female and was startled by how light she felt. Mor spoke up from beside me. “Your guards are going to have a hell of a headache when they wake up.”

Alis nodded in understanding and I added. “Don’t tell him where we took her. Please.” And for a second I felt just as broken as the female in my arms. I knew she would tell him, and would have to tell him but a small part of me wished she wouldn’t. But that was unfair to expect of her. It reminded me too much of the same hope I had when I left. Face sunken in and heart broken as I begged her to not tell Tamlin I was leaving. No one was there to help me and I’ll be damned if Feyre ever felt that pain. I didn’t say another word as Mor winnowed us right in front of the border. It felt like I could finally breathe again as the scent shifted to ripe fruit and salt water that marked us as safe. Marked us in summer. Feyre shifted in my arms and mumbled something softly.

Mor soothed a hand through her hair. “You’re free.”

Rhys quickly scoped Feyre from my arms without so much as a word. He looked at Mor and I

“We did everything by the book.” Rhys nodded before I felt the air whoosh around my ears and I knew we had made it home. Rhys deftly climbed the stairs to take Feyre to her room and I just stood staring at my brother back. I blocked out the memories that began to rise to the surface. The scar on my arm prickled and when my other hand raised to scratch at the angry white lines that trailed down my forearm, Mors hand wrapped against mine. Grounding me in the present.

“She’s free.” She repeated to me.

“Thank the mother.” I responded as I started to climb the stairs suddenly bone tired.

Feyre didn’t emerge from her room that night or the next morning. More than once I found myself standing outside her door, hand held up to knock but some part of my brain told me not to. Rhys hasn't left her side the whole time she was asleep. Whatever magic she had used in the house had exhausted her and I felt my heart pang for her. How alone she must have felt, how scared she must have been to be locked in that house. I remember my simple panic the first time I went to the basement of the townhouse. How it transported me back to under the mountain, I couldn’t imagine how it felt to be locked away again.

When I finally did see her, she seemed to have gotten a little color back. Enough so that she was able to argue with Rhys again. I didn’t linger this time to hear the fight, letting them duke it out in private. But as Rhys turned the corner, I knew something that happened. Something important.

”We’re going home.”

If someone had told me two months ago that Feyre would be standing in the living room of our home in Velaris I would have probably keeled over laughing. But here we were, Feyre’s eyes flickering from spot to spot in the house. I couldn’t get a read on her face but before I could even process that, I heard a pounding on the door. Cassian’s voice filtering through the wood, already complaining. Rhys shot me a look that said deal with them please. He tried to hide it but I could tell he was waiting for Feyre’s reaction to her surroundings. A hint of anything to gauge how she was feeling. He needed her to like this place like he needed to breathe. So I excused myself from the room and slipped out the front door.

”Are you serious Cas?”

”I want to meet her. She’s right there, my brothers m-” I cut him off, blocking both him and Azriel from trying to peek into the house. They could easily push right past me but stayed a healthy distance.

”Do not finish that sentence. Do you want all of Velaris to know?” I whispered screamed at him and he rolled his eyes.

”I promise you drama queen, no one’s up this early. I don’t want to be up this early.”

After a few minutes of us bickering back and forth, Rhys opened the door and said to us, “Are you all just going to stand there?”

Cassian all but trampled me trying to get in the house. I laughed when I saw his crestfallen face as he noticed Feyre was no longer in the room. “She was here right?” He spoke to the room.

”Maybe she’s scared of your good looks Cas, can’t have her falling in love with the wrong Illyrian bastard now can we?” I shot Rhys a wink and he growled lightly.

”She’ll meet you when she’s ready.” Was all he said before he rangled all of us into the dining room.

Feyre slept for the rest of the morning. She came down the stairs dressed in Night Court clothes and I felt my breath catch in my throat. The way they seemed to compliment her well enough and I had to bite my tongue to prevent me from pointing that out. Rhys met her at the door and shot me a vulgar gesture at my sugary sweet, “Be safe kids.” That I called out from my spot on the couch. I sat on the couch until the sun started to set. I had just got to the good part and debated even going to the dinner at all but I was dying to see how Feyre would handle our crazy family. If she had any chance at surviving here, she needed to like them or they would drive her crazy. Although from Cassian’s earlier words that might be the case either way. So I groaned and pulled myself off the couch, pulling on the first thing that I saw and winnowed with Mor to the front steps of the house.

Azriel and Cassian were waiting to fly us up. Cassian wrapped his arm around Mor’s waist and Azriel did the same to me. I hardly felt my feet leave the ground before he was already placing me down in front of the door. I had not had the heart to come here since I’ve been home. Too many memories for me to want to come alone and Mor grabbed my hand as she pulled me through the threshold. We had just settled in before I heard the faint trails of Rhys and Feyre voices outside the door. I couldn’t stop the two males from bounding to the door, they flung it open to reveal a very annoyed looking Rhys. I held my breath as she stood in the doorway, eyes searching for something and she landed on me. She squared her shoulders but Cassian was already speaking.

”I promise we won't bite.”

Last I heard, Cassian, no one has taken you up on that offer.” And I laughed as Feyre’s face blanched. I didn’t miss the way the female's eyes raked over the Illyrians as they stepped into the light. I tried not the bristle as her eyes lingered on Azriel just a fraction longer than I would have liked. Rhys introduced the two and it was Feyres response to one of his questions that made me feel a frision of pride.

”How the hell did you manage to survive this long without anyone killing you?” She would fit right in and Cassian’s booming laugh told me that very same thing. Armen had appeared almost out of thin air as we all made our way to the table.

Feyre was slowly filled in about how the three brothers had met. Her eyes flickered to me during the story.

”Where do you fit into all of this, besides being his sister.” She quickly added. Everyone seemed to be waiting for me to answer.

”I mean there's not much else to it besides that. He got stuck with them so I did too. I nearly knocked Cassian's teeth in the first time I met him and I’ve been stuck with them ever since.” I stuck my tongue out at Cassian who rolled his eyes.

”You mean you broke your fist trying to, princess. I had to nurse you back to health and you were helpless but to fall for my charm.” Now it was my turn to roll my eyes and I fought the urge to throw my bread across the table at him. If it wasn't for Feyre I would have. The rest of the stories and tales flowed out and, much to Feyre’s credit, she didn’t falter in the slightest. She interjected at the perfect moments, making jokes that had everyone roaring with laughter. Then the tables were turned onto her and Cassian was asking her about her life. After she had finished she turned to Rhys.

’I accept your offer- to work with you.” And I wanted to scream and cheer. I felt no such joy from Rhys as he started.

”Good because we start tomorrow. Hybern is starting this war and he’s going to bring back Jurian to help him.” I felt a shiver run down my back. Rhys had neglected to tell me that part. In an instant the lighthearted conversation was thrown to the side and Cassian launched into full general mode.

I tried my best to keep up with this new bit of information, how it would throw a wrench into any attempts of a plan. I missed the conversation that followed, mind already trying to figure out the adjustments I would need to make to the map in my office. Armen managed to snap me out of my thinking.

”The Bone Carver might indeed be willing to talk to her.” She pointed a finger at Feyre and I went to argue against the ancient female. Rhy had beaten me to it.

”Your choice, always your choice, Feyre.” and I tried to keep the fear off my face as she answered.

”How bad could it be.” Cassians’ answer had her face pale as a ghost and it was clear dinner was over at that moment. The others reduced to arguing over the semantics and who would be doing what in preparation for their journey to the prison. My eyes suddenly felt very heavy at the sounds of their voices. Azriel’s gentle hand on my shoulder was the sign that the arguing had stopped at all. I didn’t need to be asked a second time and as he flew me back down to the ground below Velaris, I wondered if all of us would make it through the war a second time.

Taglist: @durgenyx @tothestarsandwhateverend @quinzzelx

#acomaf #acosf #acotar #acotar fanfiction #acowar #azriel acotar #azriel x reader #a court of thorns and roses #azriel x oc #azriel fanfic #azriel shadowsinger #azriel spymaster #inner circle #rhys acotar #rhysand acotar #rhysand #feysand #rhys!sister

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seeingivy · 2 months

Text

sofia

actor!eren x f!reader

**part of my method acting series

previous part linked here

songs mentioned: champagne problems by taylor swift, when emma falls in love by taylor swift, and minor sofia by clairo insinuation (+ the name of the chapter)

“Can I ask for a favor?” Eren asks.

You look up to find Eren and Armin standing in front of the dining table, both leaning on the backs of the chairs. The first whiff you get is a mix of sweat and deodorant, and you instinctively push your notebook closer to you and nod.

You hate that Eren and Armin work out together.

Not really, of course. You’re glad that Armin was able to find some type of segway that felt comfortable enough for him to interact with Eren, that they were slowly building back whatever it was that they lost.

You just hate that Eren always wears that stupid headband to keep her hair back and insists on wearing a tank top – or no shirt at all – for the five mile run they do at the end.

You’re lucky that today is the former and not the latter.

“Yeah, what’s up?” you ask.

Eren places the little glass bowl in front of you, before giving Armin a nod, and sliding into the chair across from you. Armin takes his leave with Annie at his side, before giving you a passive wave over the shoulder.

The first thing you note is that Eren’s fish tattoo is on display. It’s one of the few moments that you get to admire it – the physical reminder of you inked on to his arm – since the makeup team is always covering it up or he’s wearing a jacket.

And the second is that Eren doesn’t really fit in the chair – because his legs are overstretched and hanging against the sides of the legs – and he nearly falls back when he moves a little too much.

It’s crazy to think that there was a time that you and Eren would have your feet dangling in the air from how high the chairs used to be.

You eye the little bowl, before reaching forward for it, and taking it in your hands. There’s only two little requests left, though you swear yesterday that you only had one left – which was Eren’s.

“I know I technically already have a request in there. But could you please do another one for me?” Eren asks.

“Sure. Which one is it that you want me to pull? The green slip or the pink one?”

“Oh, no. It’s a separate request. I need you to write a song about Mikasa for me.” Eren responds.

“Ah, yeah. Sure.”

You reach forward into the bowl anyways and pull both of the slips out but Eren’s quick to reach forward and snatch them from your hands, much to your dismay.

“Hey!”

“I just asked you to write a different song. Why did you take both of these out?” Eren asks.

“Why are you in such a rush? I already have a song about Mikasa somewhere in one of my books, I just need to find it. I’m more curious about who added a request yesterday because there was only one left last night.” you respond.

“It’s part of my gift for Mikasa. The wedding is next week, idiot.”

Shit. You had yet to plan what you were going to give Jean.

Eren looks back at the little slips, before tucking the green one closer to him and handing you the pink. You take it in your hands and find Sofia’s name scribbled over the top and open the slip.

“It’s Sofia.”

You pale when you read the slip.

write a song with historia about how she said no to ymir’s proposal. (please!!!! if you can!)

You hand it over to Eren who reads it before setting it down on the table.

“Just don’t sing it at the end, especially if Ymir is there.” Eren responds.

“I…do you think I should? From my very limited information, I think Ymir would hate it if Historia wrote another song about her.” you respond.

“That information is very limited because you refuse to talk to Historia. And Ymir won’t talk about it unless you ask, which you won’t.” Eren responds.

You slouch back into your chair.

“I’m not refusing to talk to her. I’m just in my nice….ignorance is bliss bubble. I like Ymir and Sofia but I also like Historia. I don’t want to get all complicated with the feelings if I know everything that happened.” you respond.

Eren rolls his eyes.

“You’re already mentally siding with Ymir because you know that Ymir got on her hands and knees and begged Historia to be with her after she said no to the proposal. And because you like Sofia.” Eren responds.

“Can we go back to when you weren’t calling me out on my shit? What gift are you getting, Mikasa?” you ask.

Eren smiles, before leaning forward.

“For the record, I…I sided more with Ymir and Sofia too. Or did originally at least. I feel like you’ll run into the same thing as me, but we can’t really hold it against Historia. She just has different priorities than us and picked differently than we would have, but it doesn’t mean she’s wrong. And I’m making Mikasa an edited video and I want the song in the background to be about her. Preferably written by her best friend.” Eren responds.

“Do you think Historia will hang Sofia at the stake for requesting this?” you ask.

Eren shrugs.

“I’m positive that Sofia just requested it because Historia’s been making lots of snide comments to Ymir all week. And saying stuff about Sofia that she eventually finds out about. Everyone’s been telling her about how the songs and stuff have been helping them with their own situation, so she might have just seen it as a segway. Just don’t tell Historia who asked for it and make it seem like it’s your idea. I don’t think Sofia meant ill will.” Eren responds.

“No. No, I don’t think she meant anything malicious either. She’s so sweet. And she must feel awkward since we all grew up together and she’s the other woman, or something” you respond.

“Yeah, she is really sweet. She kind of reminds me of you, sometimes.” Eren adds.

“As if. She reminds me of you – she literally has the same dimples.”

Eren scoffs.

“Lots of people have dimples. I would look like half of the people on the planet by that logic. She actually reminds me of you, when you first got here. She’s just so…” Eren responds.

“Normal.” you respond.

Eren sighs.

“Yeah.”

You choose to withhold your comments about how you're not that type of normal anymore. And it sours all together – because that was one of the things that Eren really loved about you when you first started dating.

Eren gives you a smile before making his move to leave. But he stops before he retreats to his room, his hand is warm on your shoulder as he squeezes.

“Still the same in all the ways that matter. To me, at least.” Eren mumbles, before walking off.

You sigh.

If Sukuna was still here, he’d call you hopeless. And you’d have to agree with him.

You find Historia on set, intently watching Eren and Armin while they’re filming. You take the seat next to her, reaching forward to squeeze her shoulder and catch her attention, as she shuffles to the side and makes space for you.

“Hi Hisu.” you whisper.

“Is the Y/N L/N finally gracing me with her presence?” Historia responds.

You roll your eyes.

“Shut up.”

You feel a tiny smack, before you turn around to find Levi glaring at the two of you. And the guilty culprit – the pencil he projectile launched at the two of you.

“You two shut up.” Levi warns, before walking back to where he was standing at the viewfinder, with Hange.

You both smile, like you’ve been caught passing notes by a teacher, before looking back down at the script to the scene that they were filming.

“So what did you think?” Armin asks.

“About what?” Eren asks.

“About Y/N?” Armin asks.

You lean forward, tucking your legs close to your chest, as you watch them.

“The makeup team did really well with the hair.” Historia whispers.

“Yeah. It almost looks like he still has the man-bun.” you respond.

“Which hair was your favorite?” Historia asks.

You pause.

“I like the length it’s at right now. But, I kind of liked his short hair, like from before. Sometimes I feel like when his hair is too long it kind of drowns everything else out, like his eyes and stuff.” you respond.

“Imagine thinking you’re not in love with the guy but talking about him like that.” Historia grumbles, as you reach to shove her in the side.

“Who said I think that?” you respond.

You watch as Historia’s eyes widen and you turn back to the two of them.

“Do you think she’ll be able to forget about you and live happily with someone else? Just like you wanted.” Armin asks.

Eren shrugs.

“Well. Who knows?” Eren asks.

Armin reaches forward and punches Eren in the face. You bite down on your cheeks to stop yourself from flinching, as you turn to your left to find Reiner and Connie shoving their faces into their own scripts to avoid distracting them with their laughter.

Reiner and Connie never got over laughing at immature stunts. Like punching each other.

“The hell kind of answer is that? I still haven’t forgiven you! How do you feel about the fact that you ignored Y/N’s feelings?” Armin screams.

You bite down on your lip. The deja vu feels uncanny.

“Y/N risked her life and only ever had eyes for you. Did you really think you could say forget about me and it would be just that?”

Sometimes you wonder if Eren’s a sadist for writing scenes like this into the show. You’re positive Levi must have insinuated the same when he suggested the entire thing to him.

“At the very least, Y/N should forget about a heartbreaker like you and find happiness. She might find a good guy sooner than you think and hit it off with him.” Armin responds.

It comes out quietly – Eren’s voice. Almost like a whimper.

In all honesty, you had almost forgotten he was there for a second, with Armin’s screaming. But when you look over, you find Eren sitting there in the water, with tears streaming out of his eyes.

“No. No, that would kill me.” Eren responds, his voice breaking.

You press your hands to your cheeks, letting your fingers block out the periphery as you watch the two of them, and feel your chest compress. It’s almost like you can feel everyone else looking at you – Jean and Mikasa, Historia at your side – and you choose to ignore it for the time being.

“I don’t want her to find someone else. I want to be her one and only for the rest of my life! And after I die, I want her to pine after me for at least ten years!” Eren responds.

Armin pauses, lifting his hands to tousle his hair.

“Oh. I didn’t think you’d say something so…pathetic…” Armin responds.

Eren sighs, shoving his palms into the sockets of his eyes to still the crying.

“Don’t tell Y/N any of this. I want her to find happiness. I really do…I don’t want to die. I can’t leave Y/N…or any of you.”

Armin crouches down, hands heavy on his shoulders, as he pleads.

It’s enough to make the wave of discomfort bubble up in your throat – because it’s the exact same as last time. And even in the fictional version, Eren won’t heed anyone’s advice.

“Eren! Let’s keep trying! Let’s find another way!” Armin screams.

You can’t watch them anymore. You reach for your script, giving Historia a smile, before you retreat to the dressing room and give Levi a wave as you pass. You can tell that he shoots you a concerned look, which you shake off, before you settle into one of the makeup rooms at the back and slam the door behind you.

“We don’t need you till later.”

“Yeah, I…just needed a breather from out there. Do you mind?”

The stylist shakes her head as you shoot her a smile and settle into the chair. You lift the script again, still open on the page that they were just shooting out there, as you pause.

You focus more carefully this time on the lines. You had read this scene when Eren wrote it – way back when, when he and Armin were still fighting. But Eren had given you the second half – about meeting each other in hell.

You never read the part that he just said because Eren never wrote it. The only line that he was actually in the script was the first one, about how it would kill him.

He had improvised the rest.

It was like a lingering thought that was in the back of your mind at all times.

Now that your previous excuse, that you needed everything to be settled before you could even think about Eren, was virtually gone.

You had done the awards show, you had given your performance. And as annoying as it was, Eren was right. The heaviness of letting go was because now you had to move forward, because that chapter of york ife was sealed now. Danny and Sareen, Scott Clarkson and Hyla, Ricky even – they were always just going to be a footnote from here on out.

Which is why you spent all three days of the break that Levi and Hange gave you thinking about Eren. About what would be the right way to approach him again. And every idea that you came up with seemed horrible, not good enough to bring him back.

Deep down, you knew that Eren wanted you. That some part of him still loved you, and that if you made the move, he wouldn't reject you.

The fear was what came after that. What if your relationship wasn’t the same? What if you two had changed too much, that there was just too much baggage that you both came with, that it would eventually drag you down?

Then you’d really lose Eren forever. It almost felt safer to keep it the way it was now.

But that came with its own mess. Because Eren wouldn’t wait for you forever and if you had to watch him move on with someone like Sofia, the same way Historia had to watch Ymir, you’re positive that you would handle it worse than her.

There’s a knock on the door and it’s almost like you’ve summoned her by thinking about her. Because Historia’s peeking into the room, gesturing for you to follow her out. And you oblige, as the two of you quietly march back to the townhouse, arm in arm.

Historia takes you straight to her room. And you note the sign scribbled on the door, how Historia’s crossed Ymir’s name out as you walk in. You both settle into the sheets, Historia throwing the throw blanket over the two of you, as you stare up at the ceiling.

It’s quiet. And the thoughts are racketing around in your brain like a pinball machine.

“I’m getting deja vu.” Historia states.

You laugh.

“Tell me about it.” you respond.

“Can I tell you something that won’t help in any shape or form?” Historia responds.

“Please.”

“He improvised all of those lines.” Historia responds.

“I knew that already. I realized it when I went into the stylist’s trailer.” you respond.

“Well, he kept going after you left. He’s either down horrendous or he really wants to win an award.” Historia responds.

You smile.

Eren probably would win an award for this. And if he was lucky, he’d win Actor in a Leading Role – and actually get to celebrate it this time around.

The thought of getting to win a triple threat again crosses your mind, but falls dead in its tracks. No one’s ever gotten it twice. And it was insinuated enough that it was more of a…lifetime achievement award, so your chance was already out the door.

“So. You said no when she proposed to you?” you ask.

She doesn’t respond. You look over to find her staring at the ceiling, her eyes almost blank. You reach for her hands under the blanket, following her lead instead of asking again.

You can only imagine how agonizing it must be to watch someone as…nonchalant as Ymir beg on her hands and knees.

“I would have married her.” she whispers.

You feel your chest tighten, as you pinch your eyes shut. This is exactly what you didn’t want to hear.

“I-I really would have, I swear. I just wasn’t ready.” Historia repeats.

The retort is on the tip of your tongue. How were you not ready when you’ve loved Ymir since you were kids?

But then again, you’ve loved Eren since then you were kids too. And you have yet to muster up enough courage to go for him, when he’s standing right in front of you basically waiting for it.

“It was really perfect. She had invited everyone to fly out and come watch us, after I was done touring. Levi and Hange were there, Sasha and Jean, even Erwin was there. And they were all watching from afar and…and she…”

Historia pauses.

“I…I was already crying when she started by saying my dear, Historia. I could see the little box in her hand and I knew what was coming. And then she….she dropped to her knees.” Historia starts.

She shakes her head, almost like she’s trying to rid herself of the mental image.

“I always had this stupid running joke, ever since we first got together, that Ymir would never humble herself to propose on her knees. That…that was never really her style, to do something like that even though I’ve always wanted someone to propose to me like that. I’m more traditional and…and Ymir really hates that type of shit, so I just figured she wouldn’t do it when the time came.”

You sigh.

“I only knew the answer was no when she actually got on her knees and asked me. Because…because if it was me, I…I wouldn’t ever do that for her.” Historia adds.

“What?”

“I wouldn’t do that for her. If getting on my knees and proposing wasn’t my style, I wouldn’t get on my knees and propose. But…Ymir would, for me. And I know it’s fucking stupid and not that serious, but I just…”

Ymir loved Historia, more than Historia loved her.

“I couldn’t say yes in good faith… because I wouldn’t give something up for her like that. Or…or for anyone, at that time. Even if it was something as trivial as where you stand while you’re proposing.” Historia states.

You pause. You can tell what she’s trying to get at, though the comparison is hardly fair.

“Well, your career is hardly trivial to you. But in all honesty, I don’t think you’d lose your career if you were a popstar who was gay.” you note.

Historia sighs.

“I know you don’t feel the same way. I know that…that a lot of you don’t and that…that I must seem stupid but. But –”

You hear her sniffle, turning your side to note that there’s tears flowing out of her eyes.

“I’m not a bad guy for wanting to keep my career the way it is now. I’m not the villain for saying no to her proposal and not wanting people to know that I’m gay. Getting to make music, being in shows like this – it’s what I love. You know that most things like this are…are temporary anyways. I still need something I can fall back on.” she responds.

You deflate. There was a small part of you that was hoping that she would deny it. That this wasn't really the reason that she said no. You lean closer to her, resting your head against her shoulder.

“No one thinks you’re the bad guy, Historia. And you’re not the villain for wanting to keep your own life private. We…we just don’t like that you think you can’t be a popstar and be gay at the same time. There’s….there’s so many people who are successful. Just look at Hange.”

Historia shakes her head.

“Hange…doesn’t count to me. I had even tried to talk to them about it, but…it didn’t really apply. They even agreed with me.”

“What do you mean?”

“Hange blends in more than I do. Then Ymir and I would. They’re dating Levi and...if you didn’t know, you would think they’re a straight couple. On the outside, when they walk on red carpets together, they still look normal to people. But if Ymir and I…”

“It would be different. There would be no question.” you respond.

“You know that Hange gets overlooked for certain opportunities, right? Imagine if it were me. I’m not charismatic like Satoru Gojo and…and maybe I don’t want to have to forge my own path. I get that it’s glamorous to do things like this to some people but…it feels unfair that everyone else gets to do things normally but I have to be some trailblazer just to get to the same place.”

You don’t know what to say. Because it makes complete sense to you. And she had checked you on what you had been thinking yourself.

That Historia was insanely talented and that she’d continue to prove herself just as she did before people started doubting her. That when she came out of it at the end, people would love and praise her – for going above and beyond mere expectations that were put on her and staying true to herself.

But it wasn’t fair. And you know well enough now, there’s nothing glamorous or fulfilling about climbing your way to the top like that. To have people speculate on every portion of your life, especially something so sacred like the ones you hold ear. To expect Historia to do it would be unfair.

Eren’s words echo through your mind. Just because her priorities aren’t the same as ours doesn’t mean she’s wrong.

It’s a silent thankfulness you have – that you and Eren are on the same page. You wouldn’t be able to handle it half as well as Ymir if he wasn’t. If he had picked his career over you.

“Things like love aren’t temporary, though. You could have fallen back on her when things got hard.” you murmur.

Historia scoffs.

“You don’t believe that.” Historia seethes in response.

“I do. There’s…there’s so many examples of it around us.” you respond.

“I know that everyone’s on a high because Jean and Mikasa are getting married next week. But you weren’t here when they were fighting. I promise you, no part of that was pretty for Jean. She gave him more hurt than he deserved.”

“But they moved past that! They love each other now.”

“But not everyone does. Not everyone gets to rock bottom and climbs their way out – and in fact, most people don’t. Jean and Mikasa are the exception, not the rule. If you didn’t think that was true, you and Eren would be going to the wedding as a couple.”

You sigh. She’s wrong. She’s so wrong – but you can’t throw it in her face.

“It doesn’t seem like you really believe it either.” you respond.

Historia shrugs.

“Two things can be true at one time, Y/N. I can believe in love but know that Ymir and I are hopeless. We have been since she kneeled.”

You reach for your notebook, which you had discarded on the floor, and for the shitty pen that was left in between the pages and scribble on the first open spot you find.

sometimes you just don’t know the answer till someone’s on their knees and asks you

The question bites at you. Historia still loves Ymir.

“Would you say yes if she asked you now?” you ask.

“Yeah. I think I would.”

“Even if she got on her knees?”

“I’d crouch down just to be there with her.” Historia responds.

The earnestness in the statement makes your heart crush. She was already too late.

“What do you think about Sofia?”

Historia rolls her eyes.

“It’s irritating how likable she is. Like it actually pisses me off.”

You snort. That sounds familiar.

“Lacy, oh lacy…” you hum.

“You’re not funny, bitch.” Historia responds, reaching to shove you in the side.

You both laugh.

“I wrote a few songs about her and Sofia. No one knew it was about them, but…but Ymir knew. Sofia knew, but she was too nice to say anything about it. I wrote this song called traitor, because technically, Ymir actually knew Sofia while we were still together. And she got mad because…”

“Because how is she a traitor if you’re the one who said no…” you finish.

“Yeah. It…it really hurt, Ymir. And maybe I did that on purpose, just because…I never actually expected her to move on. It felt like a betrayal to me.” Historia adds.

“I know you’ve been making…comments here and there. To Sofia and Ymir. I know you don’t like her, but…you made your bed, Historia. You have to lay in it now.” you respond.

She doesn’t respond.

“I think Ymir and Sofia just want what’s best for you. Sofia is the one who wanted me to write a song with you about it, just…just so you could get some of it off of your chest. We all want you to be happy.”

Historia pushes up off the bed, hiking her knees to her chest, as she buries her face into the hardness of her knees. You can tell that she’s racking out a sob, her breaths heavy, as you wrap your arms around her, resting your head against hers.

“Historia–”

“If Ymir wanted me to be happy, she would have gotten back together with me when I asked yesterday.” Historia mumbles.

You cringe.

“Don’t tell me you –” you murmur.

“We…we were talking about how nice it was to be around each other again at the funeral. And Ymir was saying that…that I’d always be someone who would bring comfort to her, just like I did to her then. I thought she was trying to say that it was always going to be me so I asked. I begged her this time. And she said no.” Historia adds.

“Historia, I’m so sorry. You–”

She shakes her head. It’s almost like you’ve hit a brick wall, because instead of talking further, reaches for your notebook and scribbles the words onto the page with you. You can tell that the conversation is over, and that in true Historia fashion, she’s so stubborn she won’t touch it again.

Wwith your permission, she rips the page out of the spine. The look she spares you over her shoulder before walking out of the room is haunting.

Eren pops his head into your room an hour later.

“Can you do me a favor?” Eren asks.

“Can you stop asking me that?” you retort back.

“My response is contingent on your answer.” Eren

“Yes. I can do you a favor, Eren. What is it?”

Eren smiles, holding his hand out to you, as he all but yanks you off of your bed.

“It’s not really a favor. I just wanted you to come into my room. Gabi and Falco are trying their outfits on for the wedding.” Eren responds.

You smile as you walk straight across into Eren’s room, to find Gabi and Falco sitting eagerly on the couch. There’s four big boxes in his room, freshly delivered from the courier, as you take the seat next to Eren on the bed.

“Okay. Falco, this is yours. Gabi, you can change in Y/N’s room and Falco take the bathroom. And don’t rip anything or you’re both going to the wedding naked.” Eren instructs.

You watch as the two of them burst out into a fit of giggles, before they shuffle into their respective rooms with the hangers stretched over their shoulders. You turn to Eren, tapping on your thighs, as you wait for them to come back.

“Your dress is here, too. If you want to try it on.” Eren offers.

“Oh! Yeah, maybe I will. Are you going to try yours?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I might.” Eren responds.

It’s swelteringly awkward. You have no idea what to say.

“I…found the song I wrote about Mikasa. Nico and Armin put together a backtrack for me so I’ll send it to you.”

You watch as Eren’s eyes light up.

“Thank you so much! I really hope she likes it.”

“She will. You know how sentimental she is, I-I think she’s really going to love it.” you respond.

“Speaking of. What are you getting Jean? I am morally obligated to hang you at the stake like it’s the Salem witch trials if it’s something bad.”

You roll your eyes.

“I actually need your help with my gift for Jean.” you state.

Eren dramatically places his hands on his chest.

“It’s your lucky day, Y/N! I live to serve. Especially when it’s you.”

“When did you get so theatrical? Are you on something?” you state, voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Not only am I extremely helpful, but I’m really generous too. I’ll give you some of my fix.” Eren responds, returning the energy back in full flesh.

“Not me getting the princess treatment! What did I do to deserve this?”

Eren shoves you in the side.

“Shut up. What do you need my help with?” Eren asks.

“Well…”

It’s right at that moment that you hear Falco and Gabi’s giggly voices again, as they both run into the room. You immediately press your hands to your cheeks and nearly squeal at how cute they both look – and specifically melt at Falco’s bowtie matching Gabi’s dress.

Seeing Falco wear suits is less cute than it was when he was a kid. Only because he looks like a full grown person, instead of being a sweet little kid, and it makes your heart hurt at how big he’s getting.

You know that Falco can tell what you’re thinking and he preemptively complains about it.

“Y/N. Quit looking at me like that. You’re embarrassing me.” Falco states.

“Do you remember when you threw up on me in first grade? Don’t talk to me about being embarrassing.” you scold.

Eren shakes you off, before gesturing for Falco to walk closer to him. Eren’s readjusting the collar against the coat, tightening the tie, before he gets up and rummages around in his drawers.

“Okay, Falco. I’m going to let you borrow my cuff-links for the wedding, but you have to promise to take really good care of them, okay? These are really special to me.” Eren states.

“Really, Eren? You’re going to let me wear them?”

Eren reaches forward to lightly mess with Falco’s hair, before he hands him the box. Falco sticks his hand out as Eren secures them on for him, before offering him a smile. Falco’s sheer excitement makes your heart flutter – and melt that Eren so freely offered something of his own – as Falco excitedly shows them to Gabi at his side.

“You didn’t have to do that.” you whisper.

Eren shrugs.

“Of course, I did. It’s Falco.” Eren responds.

Eren turns back to the two of them, watching the excitement on his face, as they thank him profusely.

“What’s special about the cuff-links, Eren?” Gabi asks.

“I wore them at one of my first award shows where I won something for Attack on Titan.” Eren states.

Gabi curls her nose in disgust.

“Eren. You hate award shows. You don’t even care about awards!” Gabi complains.

“You’re right. I don’t. But, it was a pretty memorable one for me. Got my first tattoo, performed with Y/N for the first time.”

You turn to him, as he gives you a knowing smile, and you shake your head. And he has the nerve to call Mikasa over-sentimental.

“Wait, Gabi. I have something for you too.”

Eren watches as you quickly rush to your room, noting that you must really be rummaging through things in your dresser since he can hear you drop things and shout in pain, before you run back with a little blue box in your hands.

You hold it open for Gabi, as she admires the little earrings.

“Do you like them?” you ask.

“I love them, Y/N.”

“You can wear them at the wedding. Here, I’ll put them on for you.”

Gabi excitedly pushes her hair back, as you watch Falco with his lovesick eyes as he observes you fixing them. You tuck her hair behind her ears as you admire her dress in full, squeezing her wrists.

“You look beautiful, Gabi. They’re perfect.”

“Thank you so much, Y/N. I love you so much.”

You can’t help but frown as she presses herself into your arms, returning her warm embrace in full. You look over at Eren, who wraps his arm around Falco and smiles at you.

“Gabi! You’re going to be the prettiest girl at the party. You should have at least given Mikasa a fighting chance.” Eren jokes, as you watch Gabi shake her head and blush at the compliment.

“You’re corny, Eren.” Gabi responds.

“Do you have a date to the party, Gabi? It would make my night if the prettiest girl at the party walked in with me.”

Eren’s so sweet. It reminds you of how Levi used to be with Sasha.

“Sorry, Eren! You snooze, you lose. Falco already asked me.” Gabi responds, linking in her arm with Falco’s.

Eren clutches his hands to his chest, giving the two of them a dramatic display of hurt, before he puts his hand on Falco’s shoulder.

“Fair enough. You’re a very worthy opponent, Falco. Make sure you put the cuff links and the earrings back in the box nicely. And again, if you rip your clothes, you are going to the wedding naked.” Eren states.

It’s an innocent thought that crosses your mind. That Eren would be a really good dad, when it came to it.

The two of them wrap their arms around you again before they run out of the room again and Eren turns to you, narrowing his eyes.

“You’re a copycat. You only got the earrings idea from me.”

“You’re just bitter because she gave me a bigger reaction than Falco gave you.” you bite back.

Eren shakes his head, as he starts shuffling through the tagged clothes and looking for your dress.

“Have to ask. What’s so special about the earrings?” Eren states.

You smile.

“I wore them to Levi and Hange’s vow renewal.”

It was the first time you and Eren said that you loved each other. Eren turns back, giving you a soft smile.

“You’re a sap.” Eren responds.

“Takes one to know one.” you respond.

Eren places the dress at your side. You eye the silver beading through the little zipper, admiring Mikasa’s cursive handwriting on the little label.

“So what do you need my help with?” Eren asks.

“Oh. Well.”

You tap the open spot next to you.

“When we were going to the awards show, Jean told me something. I had asked him back then if he was delaying his wedding because you and I were fighting. He said that it wasn’t just that, but it was because…he wanted you as his best man and he was having a hard time letting go of that thought when it was how he always imagined his wedding.”

Eren nods. You figured Jean had told him as much.

“He said that he’s always imagined his wedding the same way. That Mikasa would have long hair, a short train but a long veil. That you would be the best man and I would be the maid of honor. And that we’d sing a song for them, one that we wrote together for their first dance.” you state.

Eren smiles.

“Fuck. Your gift is way better than mine.”

You laugh.

“Is not.”

“You’re giving Jean his dream wedding. I’m giving Mikasa America’s Funniest Home Videos.”

“She loves that show!” you defend.

“Alright, alright. I’ll help you write the song.”

Levi attempts to ban Connie from coming to set the day you’re filming the kiss scene. Naturally, Connie decides to sneak in by dressing up as one of the crew members, before he’s dragged out by the ear when Hange catches him.

You count yourself lucky that Hange and Levi had thought ahead and made sure that the cabin scenes were the last ones that you filmed for the show. Dead last – meaning everyone would have already been gone by the time you and Eren actually prepared to film them.

It was enough consolation that you’d be alone with Eren in the last few days, before it was all really over. Similar to the way it really started, just the two of you in the townhouse.

Eren’s sitting high in the makeup chair, lazily reading through the lines of the script, as the artists paint deep red lines into the sides of his cheeks. You give him a halfhearted wave as you take a seat a few feet away, cracking all your knuckles in nervous anticipation as they start powdering your face.

Levi and Hange walk over, hands on their hips, as they look over to the two of you for weary eyes.

“Are you ready?” Levi asks.

You give him a nod, Eren shooting two thumbs up to them, as they both squint their eyes. They don’t believe you.

“Just one kiss. It’s not a big deal – you’re both grown adults. And you’ve done it before! So it’s not awkward. If anything, it’s like a peck. Just a quick one and you’ll be good, Y/N.” Hange adds.

Eren glares at Hange.

“If it’s not awkward, why are you being weird about it?” Eren deadpans.

Hange deflates.

“Right then. Well, legs up in five!” Hange responds, before shuffling off to the other side of the room with Levi. You can hear the two of the murmuring under their breaths, rolling your eyes at how utterly disbelieving the two of them were of you.

You turn to Eren, the two of you giving each other a shared annoyed look, before you turn back and focus on the scene at hand. You watch as the entire crew tasks themselves with testing the lights, pulling the cameras into view, and scribbling quickly on the clapperboard.

It’s fairly simple. You just have to stand there and kiss him. No lines, no big confession – just one kiss.

The cast stages you and Eren – bustling hands fixing the lapels of your clothes, the stray strands of your hair as you and Eren look at each other.

“Hey.”

Eren smiles. He seems fairly calm, considering things. You on the other hand, you can’t help but feel that bubbling ball of anxiety pulsating in your stomach.

“Hi Y/N. How are you today?”

“I’m good. Good, good. You?” you respond.

“Great.” Eren responds.

You shove your hands into your pockets, wiping the accumulating sweat on the inside of the pants, when you feel the little plastic box in your pocket.

“I have something for you actually.” you add.

You pull the box of Tic-Tacs out of your pocket, before holding them out in front of Eren. He gives you a hearty laugh, before cupping his hands and holding them out to you and you pour three in his hand, before downing your own.

“That was very self-preservationist of you. But, I’ll have you know that I didn’t eat anything all day just to avoid this type of issue.”

You snort.

“No way.”

“They had pizza for lunch. God forbid I taste like marinara sauce when you kiss me. I’m not a dog.” Eren responds.

“I’ll admit. I did eat the pizza, but then I vigorously brushed my teeth for like five minutes.” you respond.

Eren smiles, placing his hands on his cheeks.

“All for me? I’m flattered, Y/N.”

You smile.

“Okay. So, like…do we need a gameplan? Do I lean towards the right? The left? Do you have a preference? Because I can –”

You watch as Eren’s eyes go wide, as he looks at you like you’ve grown another head.

You can tell that he’s trying not to laugh. You glare at him, huffing as you cross your hands over your chest.

“What?” you seethe.

“Are you…staging a kiss right now?”

“Just so we’re on the same page! You know, I don’t want to just lunge at you and catch you off guard.” you respond.

Eren smiles, before reaching forward and placing one of his hands on your neck. He uses his thumb to rub into the softness of your cheek, before narrowing his eyes at you. You can tell what he’s trying to say.

Relax.

“Okay, okay. I’ll just do what feels right. Sorry for being weird.” you respond.

Eren shrugs.

“S’not weird. I just think you’re overthinking it. We’ve done it hundreds of times. It’s on your move anyways, so you’re in control.” Eren responds.

“You guys ready?”

You and Eren look over at Levi and Hange, their legs crossed in the director’s chair, as you give them a nod. You turn back to Eren, who gives you a mini-salute, as you back up a few steps and shake your hands at your sides.

“Alright, Y/N, we’re rolling. On your move.” Levi calls.

It’s like your feet are cemented into the ground. You can feel the unease that had been pooling in your stomach all day wash over you as you become acutely aware of how thick and warm the air is. It’s almost like it’s weighing down on you – hanging heavy on your skin, nearly throwing you off balance.

You try to shake the feeling off, shutting your eyes before cracking each of the knuckles in your fingers. You can see it out of your peripheral vision, Levi shifting his head to the side to look at Hange, and the embarrassment bubbles in your throat.

“I’m good. I just need a second, sorry.”

Levi shakes his head.

“Take your time. Whatever feels right.” Levi responds, giving you a comforting enough smile.

It’s just a kiss. You’ve done it hundreds of times.

The walk towards him, though it’s only two or three steps, is excruciatingly long. The clothes are too starched, too constricting, as you reach forward, and press your hands to Eren’s cheeks. The makeup pressed to his skin comes off on your hand, as you tilt his head up – slotting your lips against his.

Eren’s quick with it. His lips quickly glide over yours, the familiar taste of the mint you had just offered him lingering, as he lifts his hands too, pulling your face closer to his.

Eren can feel it – your entire body freezing against his, like the first time he had ever kissed you. The urge to swoop in and fix it, even though you’re the one who was supposed to take the lead is too overwhelming.

He knows it’ll crush you if you don’t do it right.

(And maybe Eren’s a little selfish.)

You can feel the blood rushing to your head, as Eren brings his hands up – one hand cupping your cheek and the other one slithering around your back to pull you closer. You nearly gasp into his mouth as he leans forward this time, the softness of his hands making you melt in his hands.

It’s Eren. Tender, soft, and intoxicating. You don’t want to stop. You return the kiss in full this time, properly leaning forward and giving it back.

But Eren’s the one who pulls away, resting his head against your forehead, as he lightly squeezes at your neck, where his hands are resting. You’re both panting in tandem, eyes still pinched shut and foreheads pressed together, as you swallow hard and try to catch your breath.

“Hey guys. Quick note for you.”

You both flinch at the sound of Hange’s voice in your ears, awkwardly taking a step away from each other, as a different embarrassment washes over you. You avert your eyes from Eren and look at Hange, who shoots you a weird look before focusing back on Eren.

“Hm? What, Hange?” Eren mumbles. You can see him out of your peripheral vision – lifting his fingers and pressing them to his lips, a slight shake in his hand.

“Eren, honey. She just decapitated you. Like, cut your head off. You are dead.” Hange clarifies.

“Right?” Eren hums.

“So, you can’t use your hands to kiss her. You don’t have hands anymore! And…and that was way too lively for someone who is supposed to be dead. Tone down the excitement a little.” Hange responds before shuffling off, as Eren’s cheeks go bright pink.

Eren turns back to you, giving you a sheepish smile, as you shake your head.

There was no need to be embarrassed. Not when you were the one who led wrong and he was trying to fix it.

Not when you enjoyed that way more than you should have.

Eren watches as you march back to your spot, shaking your hands at your side, as you fix your hair. Eren turns back to look at Hange and feels the humiliation increase when they mouth something that looks an awful lot like touch starved.

Eren throws the thought out of his mind as he leans back again, tucking his hands behind his back. The situation is less than ideal, with his eyes closed – because Eren doesn’t really clock that you’re kissing him until you’re actually doing it.

It’s your sweet hands cradling his face and then the warmth against his lips – before he can feel himself sinking into your embrace.

You can tell that Eren’s more apprehensive this time, as you flutter your eyes shut and lightly bump your nose against his on accident. You pull him up closer to you, scanning his face and smiling, before you lean forward and rub into the skin on his cheek. You can’t help but smile as you lean forward, the anticipation palpable as you press your lips to his.

Eren can still feel his heart thrumming, at the way you’re so carefully holding him like glass, while making him feel like his body was on fire. He’s caught off guard when he feels your tongue against his, unable to contain his smile.

You pull back, your lips burning and skin humming, as Eren looks at you, with a soft smile on his face. You give his cheek a little pinch, which he responds to by giving you a wink, before Levi walks over – his hands crossed over his chest.

Eren groans.

“What did I do now?”

“Not you, Eren. Y/N. Well, you too, but she started it. Y/N, you just murdered the love of your life. LIke fully, had to be the one to murder him even though you didn’t want to because you were the only one strong enough to do it.”

“Right.”

“Could you not…smile into the kiss? You have no reason to be smiling.”

You cringe.

“Right! Right, so sorry, Levi. Won’t happen again.”

“Okay, because. You smile and then he smiles because you did. And again, just for extreme clarification, he is dead. This is supposed to be sad.”

Levi rolls his eyes, as he shuffles back to the chair. You spare him a glance while Eren isn’t looking and he mouths something that looks an awful lot like the word freak. You shake him off, as you turn back to Eren, giving him a sheepish smile.

“Sorry.” you offer.

“Not a problem. I love it when you smile.” Eren responds, running his fingers over his lips again before he drops them.

You can feel your head spinning.

“Okay. Last one.” you clarify.

“Third time’s a charm, princess.” Eren responds.

You walk back to the spot, before you wait for Levi to give you the cue. And this time, walk forward as slowly as you can and repeat it to yourself. No hands, no smiling, no tongue.

You reach forward, placing your hands around his neck, and lean forward. You slide your lips over his, circling your fingers into his neck to ground yourself into the touch rather than his intoxicating smell, as you kiss him. It’s overwhelmingly tender this time – the way you linger over him, before you pull back and let go.

But the second you pull apart, it’s an immediate pang in your chest. It felt too final.

“That was great guys! That’s the one.” Hange responds, as you look over and give them a smile.

You awkwardly drop your hands, letting go of Eren, as he offers you a polite smile in response, holding out his hand to give you a high-five. You oblige, slapping your hand into his, though you can’t help but notice that the smile he gave barely reached his eyes.

On your way out, you can feel the steaming that was pooling under your skin fizzle out as you walk out into the cold air, as you start marching on the pavement back to the townhouse. You prepare yourself for the unnecessary barrage of questions, and for how irritating Connie can be, as you push into the foyer.

When you walk into the main room, it’s unexpectedly quieter than you thought it was going to be, the faint sound of the piano getting louder as you walk closer. And when you push into the room, the quiet warmth that was blooming under your skin is replaced with an ice cold pinch when you catch sight of what’s happening.

Historia’s playing the piano, for the group of them.

Mikasa looks up at you immediately, giving you wide eyes, as you press your hands to your temples, and look to your left. Jean and Connie give you the same look, the group of you all sweltering in the awkwardness, as you avert your gaze back to Historia.

You booked the night train for a reason So you could sit there in this hurt

Bustling crowds or silent sleepers You're not sure which is worse

Because I dropped your hand while dancing Left you out there standing Crestfallen on the landing Champagne problems

Your mom's ring in your pocket My picture in your wallet Your heart was glass, I dropped it Champagne problems

Eren walks in right behind you, nearly bumping into you, as you press your hand to his forearm and squeeze hard.

“Wha-”

“Be quiet!” you whisper.

Eren gives you a puzzled look, as you watch his eyes scan around the room, and watch the realization register in his face. He looks down at you, giving you an awkward look, as you shake your head. The two of you avert your gaze to the left again, to find Sofia crying with one of her hands pressed to her chest.

How evergreen, our group of friends Don't think we'll say that word again And soon they'll have the nerve to deck the halls That we once walked through

One for the money, two for the show I never was ready, so I watch you go Sometimes you just don't know the answer 'Til someone's on their knees and asks you

"She would've made such a lovely bride What a shame she's fucked in the head, " they said But you'll find the real thing instead She'll patch up your tapestry that I shred

Watching Ymir is like watching someone get sucker punched in the face in real time. It reminds you of the same reaction that Eren gave you the other day, while you were filming, a visceral physical reaction. You watch as Ymir stumbles back, nearly loses her balance, as the tears start collecting in her eyes.

And even worse, watch as Sofia tries to reach for her but Ymir pushes her away.

And hold your hand while dancing Never leave you standing Crestfallen on the landing With champagne problems

Your mom's ring in your pocket Her picture in your wallet You won't remember all my Champagne problems

You won't remember all my Champagne problems

The second she stops playing, Ymir runs up the stairs – her feet leaving a pounding sound before the door slams shut. And you watch as Sofia takes a deep and heavy breath, before running out the front door.

You find Sofia two hours later, a block and a half away from the townhouse, on a bench. You reach down, picking up her bike off of where it’s toppled on the concrete, and rest it against the edge of the armrest, before taking the seat next to her.

Sofia doesn’t hesitate to talk – like almost half of the people you know.

“Is Ymir okay?” she asks.

You shake your head.

“Last I know, Eren and Mikasa went to talk to her. I’m sure they talked her down.” you respond.

Sofia gives you a nod, inhaling shakily, as she hikes her knees to her chest. You can barely see her face – the hood pulled over her head obscuring her face – as she presses her cheeks into her knees.

“I didn’t think she was going to sing it. I’m really sorry, I –”

“Did you know that Historia asked Ymir to get back together with her yesterday?”

You deflate.

“Yes. She told me right before I went to film with Eren.” you respond.

Sofia doesn’t respond. It’s chilling – to see someone you’ve only seen smiling for the past week and a half so defeated in one fell swoop. And even more than that, knowing how small it can feel to be competing with things that feel larger than life, in an entire world that you don’t feel like you’re a part of.

“Ymir said no. I know she really loves you.” you offer.

“I know she did. She came and told me right after it happened. She walked in all hot and heavy, nearly red in the face, pissed at the audacity Historia had to say that.” Sofia states.

She pulls her hood back, resting her head against the back of the bench, as she flutters her eyes shut.

“There’s nothing that…that gets Ymir moving like Historia. Whether she’s mad…or happy…or sad, no one can make Ymir feel as much as Historia does. If Historia and her have a good talk about how they’re always going to be important to each other, she’s on top of the fucking world. If she gets on her hands and knees and begs for her back, it’s enough to send her into a blind rage. And if she sings a song about how she got away…it’s enough to send her sobbing into her room.”

You swallow hard.

“I feel like I’m intruding on people who are meant to be. I don’t think I should be here.” she adds, her voice cracking.

You shake your head.

“Ymir really loves you, I-I can just tell by the way that she looks at you. It would kill her if you left, Sofia.”

She shrugs.

“I know I’m never going to be Historia. And I know that first loves and…and sexual awakenings or whatever are sacred to people, but…I can’t sit here when I’m not even a part of the competition. I’m smart enough to know when two people still care about each other more than they should. I feel like I’m committing a fucking crime by keeping them apart.” Sofia responds.

You bite down into the hardness of your cheek, before leaning your head against her shoulder. She welcomes the touch, leaning her own against yours before you break the silence.

“I don’t necessarily think you’re wrong. There isn’t anyone that gets Ymir going like Historia. But that doesn’t mean that they’re right for each other. It doesn’t mean that you aren’t Ymir’s perfect match.” you respond.

You shift.

“Just because Ymir gets to these big…big emotions with Historia doesn’t make her better than you. In fact, I think that’s the leg that you have up on her. Why you’re the one who is marrying Ymir and not her.”

“Really?” she whispers.

“I’m not sure how familiar you are with Jean and Mikasa’s situation but –”

“I know. Jean slept over at our house once when they were fighting. We ate ice cream together at three in the morning and talked till the sun rose.”

You smile.

“Jean told me that there’s lots of different types of love that you have in your life. And I just think that there’s one person…or one situation that deeply cuts into you, so hard that it changes you. I think that’s what Historia is for Ymir. Because to her, it must have been devastating that she would have done anything, that she could have changed herself any type of way, and she still wouldn’t be enough for her. I think that would get anyone moving, being reminded of the deep hurt, the complicated feelings that come with that person.” you respond.

You feel your phone buzz, as you look at the little screen.

[eren]: did you find her? [eren]: ymir wants to see her. [eren]: really badly.

You respond back, before turning back to her. You have to turn this around for Ymir.

“The big feelings aren’t the ones you chase after, Sofia. They fizzle out eventually, when the spark is gone. You pick based on comfort, on consistency. And Historia’s never…been consistent. She could never give Ymir what she wanted like you could. Like you do.”

Sofia gives you a halfhearted smile.

“You’re really sweet, Y/N. I really like you.”

You smile, your chest panging with hurt.

“I really like you too, Sofia. I hope you know that Historia didn’t do any of that to hurt you. She just…feels first, thinks second. It’s how she’s always been. And it’s not fair to you, but…but I hope you know it’s not personal. Or anything about you.”

Sofia puts a hand on your shoulder.

“Thanks.”

You can tell that she’s ruminating over your words and the two of you sit there quietly, dangling your legs over the side of the bench, as you wait for Ymir. Your stomach rumbles loudly, as you shoot her an apologetic smile.

“Sorry. I didn’t take my lunch after Eren and I were done filming.”

Sofia’s eyes light up, through the redness and puffiness.

“Didn’t you kiss?”

You groan. You only oblige the conversation because you know she means well.

“Yes. We kissed.”

“Was it hot?” Sofia asks.

You snort.

“Um…kind of. I accidentally used my tongue the second time.”

Sofia gasps, excitedly pressing her hands to her chest as she leans forward.

“The second time? Meaning you did it more than once?” you ask.

You bury your face in your hands.

“Three times. He…he got too into it the first time. Then I got too into it the second time. It’s supposed to be a really sad scene but –”

“But you guys are horny, I get it.” Sofia finishes.

“We’re not–”

“Ymir says you guys eye fuck each other. I thought she was being kind of crude, but you really do.”

You groan.

“Sofia–”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! You guys are actually really cute and I hope you don’t think we’re all pressuring you. I just think it’s really neat the little things you guys do for each other. Connie was telling me about the mints that you got him before you kissed.”

“Oh. Yeah. I was just kind of trying to break the ice so he was comfortable and stuff.”

“No, I totally get what you mean. Okay, like. The first time Ymir and I went on a date, I was so ready to kiss her – I had been thinking about it all week. And before we got into the car, I ate an entire box of Altoids.”

“An entire box? Doesn’t that get painful after a while?”

“Listen, she’s like way out of my league. I had to impress her! Plus, it gets rid of that doubt in my head when I lean in and stuff.”

“You wanted to impress her with minty breath?”

“Okay, don’t question my methods. She’s my fianceé now. After we kissed and I went home, Ymir told me that she really enjoyed it. So every time I went to see her, I would eat another box just so that she would enjoy it again.”

“You know that Ymir hates mints, right?”

“Is this just common knowledge that everyone knew or something? I literally had no idea. Mikasa told me a month later and I was fucking furious. God, I never bought another pack again.” Sofia complains.

“You didn’t? I thought you said it got rid of the doubt.”

“Yeah but, why would I? She doesn’t like them. I got over it.” Sofia states.

You pause, leaning your head back. You refuse to comment on it, because winning her over was Ymir’s battle. And you surely hoped Ymir would be able to do it, because this was, in fact, her perfect match.

Who would give up trivial things for her, like kneeling on the ground or chugging mints, just because Ymir asked. Just because it would make her happier.

“How did Connie know I gave Eren the mints? Hange kicked him out.” you state.

“Oh. He climbed onto the roof. That kiss was really important to him and Mikasa.” Sofia states.

You roll your eyes.

“Of course it was.”

You scoff, before shaking your head. It’s enough to make her laugh through her tears. And surely enough, Ymir and Eren appear after twenty minutes – out of breath and panting. You take the cue and jump off the bench, reaching for Eren’s outstretched hand, as the two of you quietly walk back to the townhouse and leave them to it.

“They’ll be fine.” Eren murmurs, trying to pull you into walking the other way. He’s trying to reassure you.

You look up at him and smile.

“Yeah, I’m sure they will be.”

Jean and Mikasa don’t do bachelor or bachelorette parties. Early on, Eren had clocked that something like that, a party celebrating them get married without the other present, wasn’t something that wouldn’t even be remotely fun to them.

But you still had to do something. Which is why Eren settled for throwing the two of them a laid back party after filming at the end of the week, with enough alcohol for them to get drunk to their hearts desire.

“Sometimes I have genuine concern for how their livers are still functioning.” Eren states.

You avert your gaze from Gabi and Falco – who are sitting in the corner playing a very intense game of cards together and giggling – to Jean and Mikasa, who are very drunkenly dancing with Niccolo and Sasha, who unfortunately got roped into it.

“Tell me about it.” you respond.

You can’t help but smile as Niccolo takes turns spinning Mikasa around, as Sasha and Jean attempt a very dangerous version of a dip, which results in Jean dropping her flat on the floor. Eren’s ready to jump up, but Armin gestures for him to keep sitting before jumping up.

“Sometimes I think it’s sweet though. I think back to all those award shows and realize that they probably had a really great time together. Just dancing together, enjoying each other's company.” you respond.

“Yeah. That first one we did though was really fun. I mean, Sukuna and the lollipop thing was like really fucking annoying. But besides that, I really liked that we were all just sitting together having a good time.”

You snort.

“Do you ever think about how…important moments seem after the fact? And that…sometimes you don’t really know how much something will mean later?” you ask.

“What do you mean?”

“When we went to Seattle, I was talking with Lana. And I was telling her that Sukuna and I are nowhere near as close as you and her are. And she was telling me that Sukuna and I were like that. And that back then, when I met him, I was the one of the first people to kind of… understand that he was joking. To not immediately think bad of him or be weirded out by it, I guess.” you respond.

Eren shrugs.

“I guess. I mean, you showing up for my birthday dinner, it must have seemed to you that I was being so reserved when I left with Hyla. But that was the moment for me that I knew I wanted to be out of that thing, that kind of started everything.” Eren responds.

You feel your cheeks heat up. And you’re sure that the four shots that Mikasa gave you earlier, the slight buzz in your veins, is what makes you say it.

“This is one of them too. The important moments I’ll look back on.” you respond.

You watch as Eren’s eyes go wide, before he awkwardly scratches at the back of his neck and smiles at the ground.

“How so?”

“All of this time that I get to spend with you. It’s up there, with everything else.”

Eren reaches forward, linking his hand in with yours, before he squeezes three times.

“Me too.”

The two of you keep your hands that way, linked together and raised in the air, before the wind nearly gets knocked out of you by Jean leaning his entire weight on you. You can see that Mikasa is doing the same to Eren, hands tangled around his neck and nearly strangling him.

“Did you guys know you’re the best maid of honor and best man ever?” Mikasa whines.

Eren takes her hands, untangling them from cutting off his circulation, before letting her lean against his shoulder. You can see that he’s pleasantly surprised from the affection, wrapping his arm around her and leaning his head against hers as well.

“Yes, Mikasa. We know.” Eren responds.

“Stop being cocky, Eren.” Jean grumbles, as you turn your head to the side to smile at him.

“Yeah, Eren.” you respond, emphasizing each syllable as he rolls his eyes.

Eren shakes his head at the two of you, before looking down at Mikasa.

“Are you ready for your gift, Mika?” Eren asks.

“What? Really?”

Eren gives her a nod as she nearly jumps up with excitement, teetering on the heels of her feet as Eren momentarily disappears to grab the little tape. Jean looks down at you, giving you a steely glare, as you roll your eyes.

“What, Jean?”

“You are getting me a gift, right?”

“Do you think I’m a nutjob? Obviously, I’m getting you a gift. You’re getting married.”

“It better blow my fucking mind, Y/N. I have seriously high hopes after finding out what Eren got Mikasa.”

You grin.

“Trust me. It’s going to be everything you wanted and more.”

Jean glares at you.

“I don’t like your tone. If it’s a gag gift, you’re not meeting any of my children.”

“They’re also Mikasa’s children. She’ll let me see them.”

“No, I won’t let her.”

“You don’t own the kids, Jean.”

“The fuck do you mean? They’re my kids.”

You elbow him in the sides.

“These aren’t even real kids yet! Why are you getting territorial over people who don’t even exist yet?”

Mikasa slings her arm around both of your shoulders, before squeezing the two of you way too hard under her grip. The two of you give each other wide eyes as she nearly cuts off your circulation and scolds both of you.

“Why are you guys always so mean to each other? I thought you guys were getting along.”

“We do get along!” Jean responds.

“So along! We’re two peas in a pod!” you respond.

Mikasa slightly loosens her grip as Eren walks up, twisting the little CD in his hand, as he eyes the three of you. She absentmindedly links her arm in with his and Jean, as Jean and Eren mimic their motions and loop you into the circle.

There’s tears bubbling in her eyes, as you and Eren spare each other a glance, and prepare yourself for the waterworks that are going to follow. Mikasa was always an emotional drunk.

“Thank you guys for planning such a good party for us. And for being really good friends to us.” Mikasa responds, voice cracking.

You smile, cheeks nearly hurting, as you squeeze Eren and Jean’s arms.

“Of course, Mikasa. You-”

“We’re never going to be able to repay you both. I never forgot how many times you both took the fall for us back in the day whenever Levi got mad at us for switching our rooms around. And that you guys always did it whenever we asked.”

Eren shakes his head.

“I promise that we wanted to switch rooms just as badly as you guys did. Relax, Mikasa.”

“I want you guys to be so happy. You guys are both such good people that it makes my heart hurt. You’re so, so perfect for each other.”

You can feel Eren stiffen at your side as your cheeks heat up, the awkwardness sweltering in the air.

“Thank you, Mikasa. That’s very sweet of you.”

“I want my kids to be like ring bearers or flower girls at your wedding! I want our kids to be best friends like we were best friends and make those stupid videos like we used to do back in the day.”

“Speaking of those videos, can I give you your gift now, Mikasa?” Eren asks.

Mikasa lifts her hands, wiping the wetness off of her face, as she nods. Eren walks towards the TV, setting up the little video player, as you grab the group of them and signal them to join you around the couch to watch the video.

The song starts playing, the soft little piano, of a song you had coincidentally written about Jean and Mikasa years prior. You and Jean had visited Mikasa on the set of one of her old films, Emma, and you had half heartedly scribbled some lyrics about it. You were able to find the old book in the back of your drawers and piece it together properly with Armin and Niccolo’s help.

When Emma falls in love, she paces the floor Closes the blinds and locks the door When Emma falls in love, she calls up her mom Jokes about the ways that this one could go wrong She waits and takes her time 'Cause Little Miss Sunshine always thinks it's gonna rain When Emma falls in love, I know That boy will never be the same

'Cause she's the kind of book that you can't put down Like if Cleopatra grew up in a small town And all the bad boys would be good boys If they only had a chance to love her And to tell you the truth, sometimes I wish I was her

Eren pieced together the perfect videos. You’re positive that he’s stolen from all of Levi’s old tapes, as well as the dumb camera that the group of you all used in the early seasons. The clips are all of Jean and Mikasa – of such seemingly unimportant moments that nearly make your heart burst at the sight of the two of them now.

There’s sprinkles of you and Eren in the videos, of the two of you recording them in the background holding hands when you were trying to catch their attention. And of Connie and Reiner just blowing kissy faces at them or Sasha and Bertholdt trying to imitate the two of them.

Nearly everyone’s laughing at the clips – at how little Jean and Mikasa look at all of the clips – and Mikasa secures her hand in with yours.

“Is that you singing? Did you write this song about me?”

“Yeah. Way back when you filmed Emma.”

You can see her face curl up in emotion, before she leans her head against your shoulder. She still has one of her hands wrapped in with Eren’s, stopping every few seconds to give him a really big smile that you can tell means the world to him.

Emma met a boy with eyes like a man Turns out her heart fits right in the palm of his hand Now he'll be her shelter when it rains Little does he know, his whole world's about to change

The clip ends with the group of you hugging, when you had finished wrapping season one. You remember the moment distinctly – the dread that came with it. Because you didn’t know if you were going to get a season two, if anyone was even going to like the show, or if you’d ever see any of them again.

Armin initiates it first, by leaning forward over the couch and wrapping his arm around Eren and Mikasa. And then one by one, you’re all piling on each other – warm tears in your eyes as everyone ruffles Jean and Mikasa’s hair – the two of them pink in the face with their tears.

You stand up to pop the CD out of the box as you watch Eren and Mikasa give each other a long hug, Eren responding warmly to the babbling mess coming out of her mouth.

“Eren. Eren, I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Mikasa.”

“This is perfect. This is so perfect, you’re one of my best friends ever, you know that?”

Eren laughs, before placing both of his hands on her shoulders.

“You’re one of my best friends too, Mikasa. Save one dance for me at the wedding, okay?”

“Of course. Of course, of course we have to dance together. You can’t leave me hanging, Eren.”

“This was my idea! And you’re the one who’s going to be so busy. Just don’t forget me.”

You’re caught off guard from watching the two of them when you feel a tapping on your shoulder to find Ymir at your side. You give her a smile as you both lean against the wall.

“Hey.”

“I was wondering if you could do me a favor. You can say no.” Ymir states.

“Yeah, of course. What’s up?”

“That was…a really sweet song you wrote about Mikasa. I’ve always really loved how you can feel the emotion in songs you write.”

You smile.

“Is there any way that you could write a song with me? About Sofia? Because, we’re good but I want her to know that she means the world to me. And she’s been a fan of yours for so long that I think that it would be something that was really special to her. And I know that things are complicated because of Historia and that you might have picked a side, but I’m just asking you for this as your friend and –”

“I’m on your side too.” you state.

“Hm?”

“Historia is my friend. But you are too. And I want you and Sofia to be happy, I really like her and I really like you.”

You watch as Ymir deflates.

“Really?”

“You’re meant to be together. I think that she can really love you in the way that you deserve.”

Ymir leans forward, uncharacteristically affectionate, as she wraps her arms around you and squeezes your arms.

“You’re a really good person, Y/N.” Ymir states.

You laugh.

“You must be as drunk as Mikasa.”

“No, no I really mean it. You always have really good intentions at heart. I know that your whole lover girl branding must be…frustrating to look at after everything that happened. But that’s always who you’ve been, with all of us. It’s a really good part of you.” Ymir states.

You smile.

“You’re speaking really highly of me. All I did was say I was going to write a song with you, Ymir.”

“I think you deserve really good things. People have given you way too much hurt than you deserve.”

The following morning, you’re able to snag Armin to help you play Ymir’s song for Sofia. And surely enough, you can feel it radiating as you watch her face light up, the way she nearly beams at the two of you as you sing.

You sit abandoned in the room, hours after Armin, Ymir, and Sofia trickle away.

Only because it’s so overwhelming that it nearly suffocates you. The love in the room.

Ymir and Sofia. Jean and Mikasa and Gabi and Falco. The way Eren and Armin have reconciled and how you always see Levi smiling at you from the back of the room when the group of you are messing around.

You’re so full of it that you can barely breathe, so nervously anxious that it makes your stomach hurt.

“You okay?”

You look up to find Eren looking down at you. At the love in the room, staring at you so intently.

“Yeah.”

“I had a question.”

You tap the open seat on the couch next to you, shuffling to the side, as he joins you.

“Sure. What’s up?”

You watch as Eren leans forward on his knees, eyes trained on the ground as he cracks through each of the knuckles in his fingers.

“You can say no. You don’t have to feel obligated to answer in any way because it was just an idea I had. I won’t be hurt if you don’t want to, or…or had other plans I don’t know about because you’re obviously entitled to that! And you know, it’s a harmless type of thing that I just wanted to –”

“Eren.”

He pauses, looking up at you.

“Just ask.” you finish.

“Will you be my date to the wedding?” Eren asks.

You feel the butterflies swarming in your stomach as you smile at him, squeezing your hands into fists as you hold them close to your chest.

“Really?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I want to go with you. We’re doing a song together and…and we’re all good. It would be nice to be together, like we did back when we wrote invisible string. That and I kind of need you to point out all the love in the room for me just so I can remember it all.” Eren responds.

You smile.

“Of course. We’ll take turns. I’ll point one out and then you.”

Eren grins.

“Deal.”

You reach forward, placing your pointer finger against his chest. He looks down before looking back up at you, confused.

“What?” he asks.

“You just asked me to point out the love in the room.”

You watch as Eren leans his head back, unable to contain his smile, as he shoves your hand away and mimics the motion by pointing back.

next chapter linked here

an: anyways ymir requests a song about her relationship with historia later on and they write you're losing me. and yes, you're losing me and champagne problems end up being about the same relationship. also historia being so jo march coded by saying she would accept ymir's proposal now that she's actually with someone else and can't have her....anyways jeankasa wedding oh we cried

taglist: @k0z3me @kayleegomez @yihona-san06 @bsenpai @sweetenertea @mykyoon @violetmatcha @rebeccawinters @cutiejg @bokutosthings @bookwrmm @mblrrr @wheredidmycrowngo @somethinginyoureyes7 @chilichopsticks @okaystopwhore @you-always-made-me-blush @itzmeme @firelordazulaaa @whoami-72 @g-ghostly @intimacywithceline @erensmoodygf @cocomellxn @princess-ackerman @jaegerfiles @cacapeepee @rui-0836 @moonmalice @invisible-mori @sofiasber @bbybeeb @timetobegone @tee4str @ttokki2 @leave-rae-alone @ec3lipsy @officialsimpp @gojojang @yookayyo @lordbugs @multiplefandomthings @iobeyfandoms @camilo-uwu @justanotherkpopstanlol @mel-star636 @fvckingeetar @ttalgi @najaemism @ilovekimchi123 @youraggedybitch @xoyumiqls @leafguitar @spiidergirlsworld @luvs4kim @levin4nami @florichun @hoonmyluv

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discokicks · 9 months

Text

BAD IDEAS (ON THE SAME PAGE) — JAMIE TARTT

a fic inspired by bad idea right by olivia rodrigo!

masterlist! song inspo! AO3!

pairing: jamie tartt x fem!reader (no use of y/n!)

summary: football star jamie tartt is an asshole. he’s the one ex of yours that your friends always hated, one that you now all joke about, and one you haven’t spoken to in four years. however, after a chance encounter, the two of you reconnect, and he leaves you with his new number and a hundred questions about his reformed personality. but seeing him tonight would be a bad idea, right?

word count & rating: 11k (wowza), M! (18+! minors get away or i’ll narc on you to your guardians)

warnings: SMUUUUUUT, porn with plot, lots of suggestive language, oral sex (f receiving), fingering, sprinkling of a handjob, unprotected p in v (wrap it up kids), angst, mentions of alcohol, probable secondhand embarrassment, exes reuniting (it needs a warning sometimes), jamie tartt was an asshole and is now just a prick (in the best way possible), reader is a physio, major fluff, and swearing. also reader is american (bc the author is too. sorry </3)

authors note: well. i wrote it. olivia wrote this song for teenage girls in their twenties (me) only and i immediately thought of this fic the second i heard it. i'm calling this an exercise in smut writing before i embark on my aces (my roy kent series for my new friends) eventual-smut-adventure, so this evolved into something i wasn’t expecting but i had so much fucking fun writing it. god, i love jamie tartt. also! this is my first smut fic at this type of level, so go easy on me. hope you all enjoy. love you all tons! -mags

There are two universal truths in life.

The first is that the coffee shop you frequent on your way to work will and will always have the best cold brew you’ve ever tasted. The second is that Jamie Tartt will and will always be a massive fucking prick, and you’ll never see him again for as long as you live.

These are two things you live by, and while they may seem rather mundane or petty in the grand scheme of things, they are the only truths you can count on these days. Especially when everything else is so up in the air.

However, the universe doesn’t seem to believe in these things as blindly as you do, and this becomes evident the moment that you step into the shop on a gloomy Wednesday morning. Because these two truths (well, they’re fucking bald-faced lies now aren’t they, huh?) are broken within approximately two minutes of each other with seven words.

It began when you greeted Natalia, the barista who was here every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday before your shift at the clinic with a wide smile. As soon as she saw your face, her expression turned apologetic, albeit a bit dazed.

“You’re gonna hate me,” she says, putting her hands on either side of the register. Your brows shot up at her words. “We just ran out of cold brew.”

Your face falls. “You’re kidding.”

“We were low on it this morning,” she starts to explain, “our stupid night-shifters didn’t prep enough last night. And it’s been selling like crazy today.”

“Seriously?” you nearly whine. “I might cry.”

“I’m sorry, Doc,” she apologizes, but she doesn’t sound too apologetic. Natalia’s eyes keep shifting to your left, the dazed look in her eye never faltering. Then, she says the fated seven words. “But he took the last of it.”

You turn your head in the direction she’s been looking, and your blood runs completely cold. You think you could drop dead and go to hell at this very moment, and it’d be a better existence than what awaits you in the next five minutes. And while this all may sound dramatic, you don’t care.

You don’t care because Jamie fucking Tartt is standing across from you, newly long hair peeking out from beneath his hood. He’s engrossed in whatever’s on his phone, fingers flying back and forth like he’s texting.

You think you could run. You’re pretty sure you could successfully make a break for it and leave Natalia high and dry without him seeing you. It’d be an easy exit, and you’d never have to see him again.

But then, as if he can feel your eyes on him, he looks up. And the second he meets your gaze, his face falls in what you can imagine was a similar fashion to yours.

Fuck.

Luckily, Natalia is none the wiser. She barely notices your expression, and with Jamie by the pick-up area, she can’t see the way he’s looking at you. So, instead of questioning you, she straight-up giggles.

“I know,” she practically squeals. “I was totally going to save you the last of it, but he asked for it. And I mean, c’mon. It’s Jamie Tartt. I couldn’t possibly say no to him.”

You tragically know that feeling all too well. Knowing you probably would have had a snappier, more cutting response to that if you weren’t in the most debilitating phase of shock, you settle for a quiet, “It’s okay.” You nod at her, brushing it off in an attempt to be casual. “I can settle for an espresso today.”

Natalia nods, tapping it into her register. “Same size as usual?”

“Yeah,” you say, not completely sure what you’re agreeing to. You glance over again at Jamie and find that he’s still standing there, staring at you, and you immediately blink away. “That’s fine.”

The rest of the transaction feels as though it takes a millennium and three seconds all at once. You’re still caught off guard by the time Natalia gives you your receipt with a dazed look in your eye that now matches hers.

However, yours isn’t because you just saw your favorite Richmond player or your favorite reality show villain. It’s because you’ve just seen your ex-boyfriend and you’re about to walk over and stand next to him for a prolonged period of time.

Nothing about this scenario feels real. You hadn’t seen him in four years. Not since things ended as ugly as they had, with him leaving you sobbing outside of a club at three in the morning, letting you know that things were over between you two. And he hadn’t even given you a reason. It was just that he wasn’t ‘feeling’ it anymore.

You saw in a tabloid about three months later that he was now seeing Keeley Jones (yeah, having to compete with that did not sit well with you at all) and had drawn your assumptions from there. Whether or not he’d been seeing her behind your back or had broken up with you to be with her, you didn’t know. You didn’t care. You were in your anger stage of the break-up and only knew one thing.

Jamie Tartt was a massive fucking prick, and you’d sooner walk on a bed of nails before you saw him again.

But now here he was. And there were no nails to be found.

You avoid eye contact as you pass him to wait for your coffee. There’s a piece of you that wants to say hi and play it cool, just to put on a show for him about how unaffected you were by everything that had happened. The other piece of you hopes that not a word is said for your entire time here.

Unfortunately, neither of those happen.

Jamie slides over to be near you, awkwardly rocking back and forth on his heels. His hands are stuffed in his sweatshirt pocket, and you wait for him to say something. Anything. But he doesn’t.

Instead, you can feel the ‘play it cool’ part of you rise up to the surface. You could do this. You could feign indifference. Fuck him, you could be cool.

You glance over at him and see that he’s pressing his lips together, eyes shifting around the coffee shop. It’s crazy how familiar you still are with his tells to know he’s desperately looking for a way to say something.

You say it for him. “Hi,” you say simply. Cool and unaffected.

It’s as if the one word alone makes him flinch. He clearly wasn’t expecting you to say anything. “Hi—” He clears his throat after his greeting comes out cracked, and he stuffs his hands further in his pockets. “Hey.”

The awkwardness of this moment is killing you, and it’s taking everything in you to pretend like it's not. As you search for something else to say, you land on, “You took my cold brew.”

You can see his brows shoot up out of the corner of your eye. “Oh, fuck, did I?”

You nod slowly. “Yeah,” you tell him. “I come in here every morning. Friends with the barista. Said she was going to save me the last of it, but…” You trail off and finally look at him. “She couldn’t say no to Jamie Tartt, apparently.”

You want to jump up and down about how well you’re doing right now. Maybe you are over him. Maybe you’ve finally moved past this shit, and seeing him once more is all you needed to solidify that. Maybe—

The second he chuckles softly with an apologetic smile, your confidence in those things shoots down. “I’m sorry,” he says.

“Since when do you drink cold brew, anyway?” you ask, frustrated with the fact that he’s fucking laughing in front of you. “You were always a like, caramel macchiato or frappuccino asshole.”

The names make him laugh harder, shaking his head. “Don’t like those anymore,” he responds. “Sugar hurts me teeth. Tryin’ somethin’ new.”

“Yeah,” you mutter. “My fucking coffee.”

That chuckle continues with a shrug. “I’m sorry.” he says again. Then he pauses. “But it’s not like your name was on it, or anythin’.”

Your face draws blank, and immediately, Jamie can tell he’s made a misstep. And it’s not that you’re angry about the joke, it’s just the… everything. Him. The situation. Everything you can remember that you wonder if he bothers to remember too.

Before you can walk away, you feel his hand on your arm. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he repeats for a third time, turning you so that you’ll look at him. Your pissed-off expression meets his easy smile and it only fuels your anger more. “I was jokin’. I’m sorry I took your coffee. We can get ‘em to put your name on it if you want.”

“Whatever,” you mutter. It’s not the most mature thing you could have said, but frankly, you don’t care. You just want to get your consolation espresso and get the hell out of here. “What are you even doing over here anyway?”

You’re not sure why you ask it. You don’t know why you keep the conversation going. Jamie looks just as surprised as you are. “I moved over here a couple weeks ago,” he answers. “Got sick of the old place.”

“Can’t imagine why,” you reply. By the way that Jamie snorts, you know he recalls just how much you hated his apartment when you knew him. It screamed twenty-two-year-old AFC-money shithead and you would tease him about it constantly. “Was the empty beer bottle sculpture finally giving you mold poisoning?”

He chuckles again. “That came down shortly after we stopped talking.”

“Oh, so I was just lucky enough to see it in its final days?”

“Oi,” he says, pointing at you. “That thing was fuckin’ impressive and you know it.”

“Impressive in a dorm,” you shoot back. “Not a seven million pound flat.”

He bows his head in a guilty manner. “You remember that, huh?”

“Hard not to,” you answer. “You never stopped talking about it.”

He at least has the decency to wince at that one. “I know,” he says earnestly. It makes you look at him. He shrugs once more. “I wanted to impress ya.”

He did impress you. But not with things like that. He’d impress you when you watched him play, he’d impress you when he made you laugh, and he’d impress you on the rare occasion that he’d just be himself in front of you. Not some asshole footballer. Just him.

But you don’t say that. You say, “That wasn’t the way.”

“Yeah,” he chuckles mirthlessly. “Got that now.” He rocks back on his heels again, like he’s not sure if he should say whatever he wants to. “I was a proper fucking dick to you, wasn’t I?”

That almost makes you fall over. Did he just say that? Did he actually just admit that? Out loud, here, for everyone to hear? Accountability? Unprompted? From Jamie Tartt?

You want to glance around to see if Rod Sterling’s going to emerge from the bathroom to narrate the next couple of minutes of your life, but are too shocked to do so.

Your surprise must show in your eyes, because Jamie laughs to himself. “Yeah. Wild, innit?” He shakes his head. “On a bit of an apology tour this year. Trying to build back some bridges, or whatever.”

The nod you give him is slow, still reeling from all of this. “Right,” you say lamely. “Building bridges.”

“I’m serious,” he tells you and for a brief moment, you think he may just mean it. The sincerity in his eyes is clear. “I was terrible to you. And I’m sorry.”

Whatever you were expecting when you stepped into this coffee shop on this rainy Wednesday, it certainly wasn’t this. And you certainly weren’t expecting your first time reuniting with him to go this way— with him apologizing to you. The actual words ‘I’m sorry’ just left his mouth.

You genuinely don’t know who this is. Because it’s certainly not the Jamie you knew.

You saw flashes of this guy. Quiet moments during your short-lived relationship, typically when it was just the two of you. It’s the type of guy you always knew he could be if he tried. The type of guy you pushed him to be.

(Your friends always taunted you about having the ever-horrendous I-can-fix-him gene, and they never quite let go of it. But it’s not like it wasn’t true.)

Those flashes are why you held out for as long as you did. If it were anyone else, any other asshole who treated you the way he did, you would have dropped them in a second. But he wasn’t like that. Not always, at least.

It was terrible to think like that. You’d been in a low spot when you’d met him and had taken even lower when he left you. You’d recovered tenfold from that and now knew your worth.

But as he stands in front of you, apologizing, genuinely apologizing, and looking at you like that, you start to question it.

No! the logical part of your brain practically screams. Don’t you fucking dare.

You’re keen to listen to that for the time being. It hardens you. And all you can do is nod at him again. “Well, uh—” Your voice comes out hoarse. You cough awkwardly. “Yeah. You were. Terrible to me. And, uh… thank you. For saying that.”

So much for playing it cool. You want to slam your head up against the wall but hold yourself back from doing so.

He nods at you, opening his mouth to say something else before he’s interrupted by one of the baristas calling your name. His cold brew’s sitting on the counter too, something the two of you clearly missed in the middle of your conversation.

When you reach for your drink, he grabs his too. He’s still staring at you, biting the inside of his cheek like he wants to say something. When you go to move around him, he stops you.

“Look, I just—” You look up at him expectantly, and his shoulders deflate. “I know you probably want nothin' to do with me. But, I just… I want to talk to you.”

Your espresso is hot in your hands. “Well, that sounds like a you problem.”

That’s when he says your name. Your actual name. Not the nickname that everyone calls you, not a pet name that he used to use, he says your name. And it makes you stop in your tracks.

It’s so stupid. It’s so fucking dumb that your fucking name can send you back to the day you first met him and were completely taken with him. You hate it. And you hate the way it makes your walls come crumbling down.

“Please,” he begs. “Can we… Can I at least give you my number? It’s a new one, but I-I think I’ve still got yours. You don’t have to use it if you don’t want to. But just so you can… I don’t know? Think about it?”

You wouldn’t know if he still had your number. You blocked him ages ago. But you doubt it.

However, the more you think about it, the more you consider it. It’s the product of your resolve falling and well, everything else about him now. You think about it.

If you allowed him to give you his number, the ball would be in your court. You could do what you wanted with it. You could text him, you could tell him to fuck off, you could ignore him. It was up to you.

And you don’t know if that’s worse or better.

You decide on better. The second you sigh, Jamie knows he’s got you. A wide grin breaks out on his face as you hand him your phone. “I’ll think about it,” you mutter.

That’s good enough for him. He gives your phone back to you, new number inserted and new contact created. You’re glad he didn’t search for his old one. That one just says ASSHOLE in big capital letters with about a million gun emojis.

(That was done by your previous roommates in an effort to get you to move on from him. You thought it was a bit overdramatic. You were never one for emojis.)

He’s smiling when he holds his coffee out for you. You stare at him blankly, thinking he’s attempting to cheers you. Instead, he shakes his head and says, “Take it.”

You blink at him. “What?”

“Trade with me,” he clarifies and your expression turns to one of shock. “C’mon. You said it’s yours anyway, right?” When you don’t move he rolls his eyes. “Offer’s only good for another second. Me arm’s getting tired.”

At that, you sigh rather dramatically and grumble to yourself, trying not to act pleased by the gesture. You hand him your coffee and he gives you his. “Thanks,” you say. It was kind of him.

His grin returns and he nods at you. “Alright,” he says. After a slightly awkward beat, he steps back from you. “It was good to see you, Doc. Really.” You’re taken back by how genuine his voice sounds and say nothing in return. “I’ll talk to you later?”

He says it as a question, hopeful and well-meaning. “Yeah,” you tell him noncommittally. “Maybe.”

That too, is good enough for him. Because he sends you one more smile, then walks out of the coffee shop with your espresso in hand.

You’re still reeling from the interaction when you glance down at his your cold brew and see Natalia’s handwriting. She’s made it just as you like it, down to the milk and everything.

But below it is a small drawing. It’s a tiny shark fin with a #9 written inside, with little lettering circling around it.

Doo-doo-do-doo-do-do-doo.

You’re fucked.

“Are you out of your fucking mind?” is the question that your best friend and former roommate Leah screams at you over drinks at a busy rooftop bar. So busy, in fact, that barely anyone looks over at the two of you.

You’d made the mistake of telling Leah that not only had you run into Jamie on Wednesday, but you’d let him give you his number.

And you’d texted him after hours of deliberation.

It was something innocent, something you’d thought way too much about, but innocent still. You weren’t sure if you were ready to actually talk to him, but there was something about texting him that wasn’t so scary. Your guard was clearly still up, evident by how dry you were in your messages, and you were keeping your distance. You never texted back too quickly, didn’t ask many questions, and often left him on read.

(Yeah, you’d turned your read receipts on for him. What about it?)

Your first text was a simple enough question, something that you’d been genuinely wondering about since you saw him. It was open enough for a conversation but not too forward. how’d you know my coffee order?

His response came in minutes later. Is that yours? Good taste. It was shortly followed up with, That espresso you drink was fucking disgusting though.

And that was that. That was how you started texting your ex again. That’s how you reconnected yourself with Jamie Tartt. That’s how you knew it was over for you.

And that’s how you’re pretty sure you’re about to kill your best friend.

Leah’s eyes were wild, somehow angry yet still disbelieving yet intrigued. But the intrigue was very minimal. Very minimal. It was hidden well by how pissed off she was at you.

She had every right to be pissed at you. She was the one who always warned you about him. She’d straight-up nursed you back to health when you broke up. She was the one who had to hear about him 24 hours a day until you were finally over him.

Leah had had a year of peace. And now you were killing her for good.

“You’re kidding, right?” she follows up with. Her grip on your arm is tight. “Please tell me your kidding.”

“Leah…” Your voice is weak.

It tells her everything she needs to know. “Oh, my God! Oh, my. God.” She puts her face in her hands. “You’re insane. You’re fucking losing it and we need to have you checked out right now.”

“I’m completely sentient and in control of my own body.”

“Are you sure?”

You sip at your cocktail. “I reset a knee today. I’m pretty sure.”

“I think you might need to reconsider,” she says. “Because you just told me that not only are you talking to Jamie Tartt again, but you were the one who instigated it!”

You deserve this verbal beatdown and you know it. But all you can do is shrug. “Technically, he gave me his number. He’s the one who instigated it.”

“I’m gonna throw my fucking drink in your face,” Leah threatens, gripping her glass in warning.

You roll your eyes at her. “Nothing’s gonna happen,” you say, even though you know you’re probably lying. Leah knows this too. “We’ve just been texting a little. It’s nothing serious.”

“Yeah, sure,” she deadpans. “Right. And even if I did believe you, what happens if it does? What happens if you get back in your weird, scary Jamie phase and he kills you again? I can’t deal with that.”

“That’s not going to happen,” you assure her, and this time it’s more confident. Because you know you won’t. Not this time. Not if anything happens.

You’d met Jamie when you were twenty-two. You were in your first year of your Masters program, slightly lost as in your move to London to finish your journey to become a physical therapist. Or a physio, as they called it here. Whatever. You couldn’t keep up with the names.

You were shadowing a physio at the clinic you now worked at, assisting him as a part of your internship at one of the football tournaments the clinic worked at. It was a ton of big-wig footballers, some names you recognized, others you didn’t. But it didn’t matter. They were precious fucking cargo and you were so paranoid about screwing up that you barely registered who they were when you worked on them.

That was, until a twenty-two-year-old Jamie Tartt sprained his ankle and plopped himself down on your doctor’s bench. He looked at you, you assisted him, and you were wrapped up in what you were doing that you didn’t even notice he was flirting with you.

You didn’t realize until he asked you out. And the rest was history, for better or for worse.

You were surprised he went for you. You knew who Jamie was, what type of girls he liked to be seen with. They were singers and models and actresses. They weren’t you.

(Perhaps that’s one of the reasons you liked him so much. Because he chose you. You didn’t like to think about that phase of your life.)

But after six months of seeing him, he ended things out of nowhere. Right when you’d settled on the idea that despite it all, you might be in love with him. And that was that.

You hadn’t seen him since. Not until this week.

“Not gonna happen my ass,” Leah scoffs, bringing you back into the conversation at hand.

A sigh of frustration leaves your lips. “Listen, I know it’s a bad idea;” you tell her. “I know it is. But, I don’t know. There was something different about him, Leah. He was just… like not someone I recognized.”

“Maybe because his hair is fucking long and stupid now.” She brings her glass to her lips. “His highlights look horrendous.”

“I actually like his hair like this,” you admit, earning yet another eye roll. “Listen. I’m not saying he’s changed. He probably hasn’t. But I…” You trail off with a shrug. “I don’t know. What if he has?”

Leah’s looking at you like you’re the dumbest person she’s ever met in her life. “Are you hearing yourself right now?” she asks incredulously. “Babe, he was a prick to you. Like, category-five, prestige-level twat. Like, worst boyfriend you’ve ever had.”

“I know,” you repeat. “And I said nothing’s going to happen. But if it does, and it goes south, I give you full permission to say I-told-you-so for the rest of my life, alright?”

Leah bites the inside of her cheek, shaking her head. “Whatever,” she says. After a moment, she glances over at you. “I’m just looking out for you, y’know. I don’t want to see you hurt again. And I definitely don’t want him to be the reason for that hurt again.”

You grab her hand. “I know,” you say once more. “And I love you for it. But if I’m gonna be stupid, I’m fully aware of when I’m gonna do it. And it’s gonna be my own fault.”

There’s a moment of silence between the two of you before Leah nods. “Okay,” she finally says. “Okay. Fine. Your fucking funeral.”

“I’ll let you give the eulogy and allow you to call me a dumb bitch for ten minutes straight.”

“Sold,” Leah says, pointing at you. That slight intrigue you previously saw in her eye returns. “Okay, now that I’ve yelled at you, you need to tell me everything.”

And so you do. You tell her how he took your coffee, how you nearly threw up the second you saw him, how you played it cool until you didn’t. How he apologized to you. Joked around with you. Apologized some more. And then he gave you his coffee.

You despise how excited you sound about it. Again, you’re trying to play it cool, but the people that know you the best can always see right through you. You’re excited about it. Excited about him.

It’s a bad idea to be excited about him.

It’s a bad idea to look down at your phone after you and Leah order another drink. Your heart stops when you see he’s texted you.

It’s a bad idea to open the message when Leah excuses herself to go to the bathroom. What are you up to tonight?

It’s past midnight on a Saturday and he’s texting you. It’s still preseason for him, so he might be drunk, he may not be. You’re three drinks deep and aren’t sure if you are.

It’s a bad idea to respond to him. getting drinks with a friend. You keep it dry.

It’s a bad idea to not look down at your phone until you finish the drinks you ordered. Because now, you’re definitely drunk and looking at it all with new eyes.

Would you want to hang out tonight? No pressure.

It’s a bad idea to consider it.

But it’s a worse idea to agree.

text me your new address. i can be there by 1:30.

Before you know what you’re doing, you’re knocking on Jamie’s door, intertwining your fingers together when you realize you’re shaking.

The second you do it, you regret it. You’re no longer feeling the effects of your drinks. It wore off on the Uber ride over here. And everything seems like a terrible idea now.

God, what were you doing? He treated you like that and the second you see him again, you go running back? He was an asshole. He’d made you question everything about yourself, he’d made you cry, he’d made you experience every fucking emotion in the book and all it took is one text for you to be back on his doorstep?

Your roommate was right. This was a horrendous idea and you were an idiot.

However, none of that matters. It doesn’t matter because Jamie Tartt’s opening his door and he’s got a stupid fucking smile on his face. And the second you see it, you know there’s no turning back.

“Hey,” he says as he opens the door. “You alright, love?”

You clench your jaw at the name, at his smile, about how casual he’s being, about everything. “Hey,” you say, avoiding his eyes to look around his flat.

It’s a complete 180 from what he had when he first joined Richmond and what he had when you knew him. It’s a bit less mojo-dojo-casa-house-looking and something more mature. While you can still tell that a twenty-something guy definitely lives here, it’s decorated well, it’s put together, and it’s clean. No beer bottle sculptures in sight. He’s even got a fucking candle burning on his counter. Who the fuck is this and what did he do with the guy you knew?

Jamie follows you as you enter, wiping his hands on his sweatpants. “You find the place okay?”

His question snaps you out of your flat-induced haze. “Yeah,” you reply. You clear your throat. “This is nice.”

That same, stupid smile returns, but it looks a bit nervous. “Yeah. I told you it was a bit different, huh?” he chuckles. He walks toward his island, rounding it as he speaks. “Needed a fresh start or whatever. The old one was gettin’... old.” He watches you as you nod, continuing to look around. “You still in the same place with the same people?”

“Uh, no. Different place. No people,” you answer. You’ve stayed on your side of the counter, actively keeping your distance. “Willa moved to New York last year and Leah moved with her boyfriend. We live in the same building, though, which is nice.”

The small talk is fucking killing you. You’re not even sure if he cared to remember your previous roommates' names, so this all could be pointless. You can’t believe you’re here. You can’t believe you’re actually standing here, talking to him about the past.

But as you finish speaking, he nods like he’s listening. Maybe he is listening. Maybe he does remember.

“I’ll have to see that sometime,” he ends up saying, and the implication of it makes your head spin. He wants to see you again. Or he just learned small talk common courtesy. Whatever it is, it’s driving you insane. You have so many questions for him, so many things to say, and as he wipes his hands on his pants again and nods over to his kitchen, he asks, “Can I get you something to drink? I’ve got—”

“Why did you invite me here, Jamie?” The question comes spilling out of you, rushed as if it were waiting on the tip of your tongue and simply couldn’t stand to stay in any longer. Jamie stops in his tracks to blink at you. The look on his face encourages you to go on. “I mean, I know I texted you first. But why… why did you text me tonight? Why’d you—” You grimace, trying to find the right words. “Why’d you give me your number?”

He’s silent for a moment. Thinking. Evaluating. But his eyes haven’t left you. “Because I wanted you here,” he finally says. You cross your arms over your chest as he takes a step toward you. “Because I haven’t stopped thinking about you since I saw you.”

You want to say that you’ve been driven crazy all week because you feel same, but decide against it. Instead, you look away from him and scoff. “Right.”

“I’m serious,” he tells you, and your heart stops with every step he takes. “I felt like I was goin’ insane. I didn’t…” For a flash of a second, he looks shy. “I didn’t think I’d see you again. And I didn’t think you’d actually text me. I mean, I hoped you would, but…”

He’s right in front of you, but you still refuse to look at him. Your gaze has shifted to the floor. “I shouldn’t have,” you mutter.

The asshole has the nerve to chuckle, but it’s nervous. Your stomach churns. You’re not sure if you’ve ever heard him nervous. “No, you probably shouldn’t have,” he agrees. “I don’t deserve it.” He pauses and your throat starts to tighten. “I didn’t deserve you.”

That makes you look at him. Either he’s actually apologetic about everything, or he’s gotten really good at knowing everything you want to hear. “No. You didn’t.”

His fingers tentatively brush your arm and you allow him to take your hand. “I know,” he says. “I was a fucking prick. I get that now. I should never have… done that shit to ya.” You’re close enough to him now that if you moved an inch, his forehead would be up against yours. He brings your hand up to his mouth, pressing a feather-light kiss to the back of it. The action makes your throat tighten. “And I can’t fix it. But I…” He trails off again and looks you dead in the eye once he has the words. “I want to make it up to you.”

Your resolve is getting weaker and you hate yourself for it. You lean back against the counter, like that will put space between you two. “Jamie…”

“Please,” he whispers. His forehead finally meets yours. You can feel his breath on your lips. You don’t pull away. “Let me make it up to you.”

The last front you have standing weakly presents itself. “If you think,” you begin, breath shuddering as his hand meets your neck, “that one 2 AM hookup is going to make up for what you did, I—”

“I know it won’t,” he says, and it sounds like he does know. “But I want it to be a start.” The fingers on your neck are now tracing your jaw. And they tighten when he says, “Let me show you just how sorry I am, yeah? Let me make it fucking good for you.”

Jesus fucking Christ. That last front dissolves the second he says that, and your logic flips on itself. You came over here for a reason. You knew what this was. At least you got an overdue apology. Whether or not he meant it, is still up in the air, but if he’s promising things like that, then you might as well get something out of it.

You struggle to get a word out, so you nod against his hand. “O-Okay,” you finally stammer out. The way he’s looking at you gives you enough confidence to say, “Fine. Make it up to me.”

Jamie’s lips curl into a smirk and say, “As you wish,” before they’re on yours.

He’s softer than you remember. His lips aren’t chapped, he isn’t as aggressive with it, and he isn’t as rushed. Everything about him feels more mature and you struggle to understand how fast he could have changed in four years. But you’re not complaining. Not when he’s kissing you like this, with more practice and passion than you can ever recall.

His hand unlocks from yours to slide it up your sweatshirt, and it’s surprisingly warm against your back. Still, you shiver from the contact and you can feel him smirk once more against your lips.

The action alone prompts you to fork a hand in his hair and tug at it slightly, reveling in the soft sound that escapes him. Everything about him comes back to you at once, and you’ve never been happier to know that the same things still get him. If he wants to play it like that, you can keep up.

His hands drop to grab your thighs and lift you onto the counter, breaking the kiss momentarily. Your chest is heaving up and down, lips swollen and wet. Jamie appears to be in the same boat. “Fuck,” he whispers, sounding even more out of breath than you. He dips his head to press a kiss to your neck, nose rubbing against it as he makes his way down. “You look fucking gorgeous, by the way. Meant to tell you that at the shop.”

You’re too caught up in it all to play it cool, especially as he works at that one spot on your neck. “You look— fuck, you look good too. The long hair suits you.”

You feel him grin against your neck. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” you agree breathily. “Looked like a prick with the old cut.”

You feel his teeth dig into your skin at that one, and you hiss. “You liked that prick,” he reminds you.

You were in love with that prick, but you ignore that thought. “I liked a lot of things about him,” you respond. While it’s honest, the accidental double meaning of it isn’t lost on you.

It’s certainly not lost on Jamie. “Yeah?” he asks again. He lifts his head to look at you, hand creeping up your leg. “What’d you like?” You grip his arm as it rises beneath your sweatshirt once more. “C’mon love. Tell me what you want.”

You hate the way your breath hitches the second his fingers meet your back. You know what you want. You want to see what he’s learned since you last had him. What he’s like four years later. What’s changed, what’s stayed the same. But you’re too embarrassed and much too proud to ask.

Instead, you decide to say, much too shyly for your liking, “You know what I want.”

He hums in agreement, other hand creeping dangerously close to the inside of your thigh. “I do, don’t I?” he murmurs. “Bet I know everything ya want. But I wanna hear you say it.”

“Oh my, God,” you say under your breath, frustration creeping into your voice. The asshole fucking laughs at you. “I want you to make good on your promise. This seems far from it.”

“Right, right, I’m sorry,” he tells you. He doesn’t sound sorry at all. “Just making sure we’re still, y’know. On the same page.” He glances at you. “Right?”

You blink at him. You’re not sure you could have been clearer about what page you’re on. But that’s not what surprises you. What surprises you is the seriousness in his eyes. How he’s searching for assurance in yours. And you know that if, for whatever godly reason, you wanted to stop, he’d pull away immediately, despite how worked up he clearly is.

It's the bare fucking minimum, but it's more than you’re used to getting.

So, you nod. “Yeah,” you say. “Definitely on the same page.”

The grin he breaks out to is nothing short of breathtaking. “Good.”

“But—” you suddenly say, stopping him from leaning in once more. He freezes beneath your touch, brows furrowing. “This is… This is a one-time thing. You’re…” You trail off to find the word. “You’re apologizing to me. That’s all this is.”

His smile falters, dropping momentarily before returning with a bit less radiance. It’s his turn to nod. “Okay,” he says, fingers now toying with the edge of your sweatshirt. “Gotta make it count, then.”

And with that, Jamie presses his lips back to yours, grabbing you securely and pulling you off the counter. Your legs wrap around his waist, grabbing the sides of his face, like that’ll stable you against him.

This time, it’s more desperate. It’s more tongues and teeth, more force and intention behind each movement. He’s setting the pace, but you’re keeping up tenfold. While it’d been four years, you’re not sure if he’d ever kissed you like this. He’s passionate instead of aggressive. While he knows what he wants, he’s definitely not just going to take it. He may be leading but he’s listening to you. And that stirs something inside you that you haven’t felt in a long time.

That much is clear, because you unconsciously let out a quiet sound against his lips. You can feel him smiling once more as he walks you slowly to wherever the hell his bedroom is. You’re caught up in him. And by the way he’s gripping you, you can tell he’s just as caught up in you.

So much so, that he completely loses track of where he’s going and accidentally slams you into his doorframe. You yelp, more because of shock than pain, and pull away to glare at him.

Jamie’s already apologizing. “Sorry, sorry,” he says. “Still gettin’ used to this place.”

“Well, figure out how to navigate better,” you respond, verging on a pout as you rub the back of your head.

“I’m sorry!” he repeats. He’s still got you against the doorframe. “It’s hard to see with your big head in me face. And I can’t kiss ya with, like, my eyes open. It’d be freaky.”

“I’ll give you a pass for that one,” you reply dryly. “Be weird instead of giving me a concussion.”

He’s walking you toward the bed when he mutters, “I’ll give you something, alright.”

Your back meets the mattress and you try to ignore the way he held his hand behind your head when he laid you down. You have under a second to adjust before he’s on top of you. The desperation returns and it almost takes your breath away.

He’s essentially straddling you, tugging at the waist of your leggings before he leaves one last kiss on your lips. He finally gets to pull your sweatshirt off, something he’d clearly been dying to rid you of since he first kissed you. You lift your arms up to help him, finding that you quickly start to do the same to him. You hear him chuckle as you attempt to get it up his back.

“I got it, love, hold on,” he says softly, tossing your hoodie to the side to take off his own. Your eyes immediately go to his chest and stomach and you refrain from reaching out to touch him. When you look up at him, you expect him to be smirking. However, he’s doing the exact opposite.

Jamie’s looking down at you like he can’t fucking believe you’re real. It’s jarring, seeing him like this, but you figure he’s in the same headspace as you and is still struggling to process that this is happening. It doesn’t matter, because before you can question it, he’s moving to press a kiss to your collarbone.

Your hand falls into his hair as he works his way down, mouthing the area of your chest. He pauses before he gets to the bra you’re wearing. His eyes flick up to yours. “Can I—”

You’re nodding before he can even get the words out, shifting to make it easier for him. He discards it to the floor with the rest. When he looks back at you, he releases a shaky breath and just stares.

He stares so intently that you begin to get self-conscious. “What?” you ask.

The question takes Jamie out of his trance. He shakes his head. “Nothing,” he says. “I just— I… Fuck. I forgot how beautiful you were.”

That spreads a warmth through you, one that pulls at your core. As you feel your face heat, you realize you have nothing to say to that. Luckily, he’s already moving on.

Jamie’s different. Really different. And you don’t realize how different he is until you start looking at him like you are right now. You were trying to convince yourself when you told Leah that he’d changed, you’ll admit that. But right now, you think you may have been telling the truth.

He grabs the waist of your leggings once more, lifting your legs to pull them off. You can’t help the laugh that leaves your lips as he struggles to do so. He shakes his head with a soft smile. “Missed that.”

“What?” you ask again.

“Your laugh,” he replies. “Missed that more than you know.”

The sweet words hit you like a bullet. The vulnerability in his voice is what gets you. Goddammit, when did he get so fucking nice? It drives you insane. But it also makes you quietly admit, “I think I’ve got an idea.”

With your leggings now gone, Jamie’s smile turns fonder. Gentler. He presses a kiss to your leg but says nothing in response. He simply places your legs down, eyes flicking down. He lifts his hand to trace down your stomach, stopping at the edge of your panties. The feeling makes you flinch.

He hooks a finger in the band, and your hips buck up to encourage him. His other hand spreads across your hip in a poor effort to keep you still. “Easy,” he murmurs.

You huff out a breath. “You can—” Your breath hitches as two of his fingers push into your underwear. “Fuck, you can take them off.”

His lips quirk up. “Well, thank you for the permission,” he says. “But not yet. I wanna take it slow with ya.”

Your mouth parts. “Why?”

“Because it’s been years since I’ve seen you,” he answers, moving up to kiss you softly. He speaks against your lips as he says, “And I’ve apparently only got one shot to do this right. So I’m gonna make this last.”

You roll your eyes at his terribly disguised jab. “You’re a dick,” you mutter against him.

“And you’re—” He cuts himself off and a gasp escapes your lips as he cups your core and rubs his palm against it. “Fuck, love. You’re really fucking wet.” He’s positioned on you so that you can feel him getting harder against you thigh. “This all for me, yeah?”

His voice is cocky, while still sounding awestruck. The remaining dignity you have left makes you roll your eyes, albeit a bit embarrassed. “It’s for whoever doesn’t take their fucking time to give me what I want,” you bite.

Jamie draws back from you with a full smirk on his face. “That so?” he asks. The hand against you starts creeping up to the band of your panties. “And what is it that you want? You still haven’t told me.”

You scoff. “I told you.”

He pulls your underwear down your legs and the air around you suddenly makes you realize just how exposed you are. You told yourself you’d never give him the satisfaction of seeing you like this again. But here you were.

His fingers brush against the inside of your thigh, and you shiver once more. “No,” he tells you gently. “You didn’t. You just said you wanted me to keep my promise. You didn’t tell me what you wanted.”

He’s moving closer and closer to the place you want him and you don’t know if you can take it anymore. You shift uncomfortably, as if that will cease the ache. But you know only one thing will.

So, you give him the answer he’s been waiting for this entire time. “You.” His gaze meets yours. “I want you, Jamie. Please.”

That breathtaking grin returns. “Just because you asked so nicely.”

And then he puts his mouth on you without warning.

You spasm at the contact, crying out as he uses both arms to hold you still. The second you calm down, one hand leaves your thigh and you feel him work two fingers into you. Fuck. He didn’t know that before.

And it’s not like he was ever bad in bed when you two were together. You’re not sure you would have stayed with him if that were the case. It’s just… he’s better now. He’s hitting everything nearly perfectly, not stumbling like he used to. He’s more confident. More assured. He knows what he’s doing.

And it’s fucking hot.

The sounds that fill his room are downright obscene. He’s gripping one side of you to keep you in place, splitting you open on his knuckles with the other. His mouth zeroes in on your clit, alternating between licking and sucking in a way that honestly has you close already.

“F-fuck,” you breathe. “Fuck, Jamie. Don’t st— shit. Don’t stop. Please.”

Of course, the fucking shit he is, stops. He grins up at you, but continues to slowly pump his fingers in and out. “You sound so fucking pretty begging like that,” he tells you. He’s just as out of breath as you are. He feels you clench around his fingers at the praise and it only eggs him on further. “Look so pretty too. Fucking gorgeous.”

“Jamie,” you whine again. He’s going too slow. Teasing. It’s not fucking fair. He’s supposed to be the one apologizing to you. “I need— Ngh. I need—”

“What do you need?” he asks. “Tell me.”

You think you’d kill him if you weren’t completely incapacitated. “More,” you manage to get out, wincing as he continues at his slow pace. You’re close. Embarrassingly close. “Just fucking more. Please. I’m—” You interrupt yourself with a moan as he shoves his fingers deeper into you.

“I know,” he nearly coos. “I’ve got you.”

And got you he does. Because not only does he pick up the pace, he stretches you with a third finger. The sting of it is momentary, and it subsides as soon as he bends down and swipes your clit with his tongue.

Your back arches. “Jesus fucking— Jamie. Oh, my God.”

He’s good. Of course, he’s fucking good. He’s Jamie Tartt. You’re not sure he’s ever been bad at anything physical in his life. Emotionally was another story. But that story didn’t matter right now. Not when he’s got you like this, and you’re teetering over the edge.

He pulls away from you, breath tickling your core as he speaks. “C’mon,” he chides. “I can feel it. You’re right there, aren’t you, love?” He takes your breathy silence as confirmation and nods to himself. “Yeah. You just need—”

He removes one finger and crooks the rest a certain way, deeper than before. Your heart may stop beating. He’s done something he did to you time and time again, something that he was actually really fucking good at, something he knew you liked years ago. When he looks up at you, he searches your eyes. And by the way they roll back, he knows he’s struck gold.

The smirk returns and he continues to work his fingers into you, smirk growing each time he hears you say his name. “Yeah,” he whispers. “That’s it. That’s still it.”

You could finish at any moment. The telltale heat is rising in your stomach, and you’re just waiting for the cord to snap. And then, as if your muscle memory takes over, you reach out for his arm.

But instead of letting you do it like before, he does something completely different. He intertwines his free hand with the back of yours and guides it to your stomach. And then he presses on your hand.

The pressure builds. You’re barely able to make any noise. And then—

“C’mon,” Jamie repeats. “Come for me, angel. I wanna see it.”

The cord snaps, and you do as you’re told. You come. Hard.

Jamie talks you through it, fingers still moving to coax your climax out of you. You’re sure you look pathetic, crying out and thrashing around in his bed, but you don’t care. You can barely fucking see right now.

It’s been a while for you. Or at least been a while since you’ve had anything that good. And it completely strips away any sort of attitude or frustration you had before.

When you finally come back down, you laugh softly, shaking your head and throwing your arm over your face. “Fuck,” you say through a chuckle.

You feel him shift, moving up the bed to hover over you once more. When he removes your arm from your eyes, you see that he’s smiling. “Nobody’s ever laughed after I’ve done that,” he tells you, a faux pout pulling at his lips. He bends down to press them to yours and you can taste yourself. “It better be a good fuckin’ sign.”

You laugh again, reaching up to cup his cheek and pull him into another kiss. “Very good sign,” you assure him. It’s muffled against him, but you think he gets the point.

It’s then that you catch him by surprise and flip the two of you over, straddling him in a way that makes him release a breathy sound that you’d missed dearly. But, something feels off.

Your glance down at him, expecting to feel or see fabric once you reach his leg. But there’s not much. Only what feels like boxer shorts. It catches you off guard. When did he take off his—

It doesn’t matter. It’s easier for you now. Especially as your fingers move across his abdomen, biting back a grin at the way he shudders. He looks up at you from his pillow.

“What are you doing?” he asks leadingly.

You shrug innocently, fingers toying with the band hanging low on his hips. “Returning the favor,” you reply.

Jamie makes a noise of disapproval, placing a hand on your thigh like that’ll stop you. “I’m supposed to be the one making it up to you,” he states, but his voice gets less firm as you cup him through the fabric. “Fuck. Y-You don’t owe me anythin’. No favors.”

You shake your head, pulling at his boxers so that he springs free from inside. Your eyes travel back to his as you reach out and gently grab his cock, staring down at him with a smirk dancing on your lips. “You sure?”

He looks pained. You don’t know why. You’re offering a way to take him out of his misery. But still, he shakes his head and moves his arm from your leg to your back.

He takes his turn to flip you over next. He swears under his breath as he does so, shaking his head when you land on your back.

“I told you,” he says, taking his boxers all the way off now. “It’s about you. Not me.” He shakes his head again, but this time it’s a bit more frustrated. When he speaks, it’s mostly to himself. “Can’t believe I just fuckin’ said no to that.”

A snort escapes you. “You’re a changed man, Jamie Tartt,” you joke.

He shrugs before placing his arms on either side of you. His voice teeters on teasing and earnest. “I’ve been trying to tell ya that.”

You’re not sure if it’s him, or the situation, or the sex, but you think you believe him. It makes your chest heavy. But you can’t admit that. You won’t let yourself. So, you keep that feeling tucked away, way in the back of your mind for safekeeping. You know it’s better like that. For your emotional sake, at least.

You allow yourself to prop yourself up on your elbow and kiss him instead of responding to that, bringing him in closer. You can feel the length of him press against your stomach, and his groan vibrates against your lips.

He pulls away, grinding into you. The heat of your body is making him go wild. “Can I—”

You know what he wants. And you want it too. “Please,” you say.

He nods, moving to angle himself against you. You glance down to watch him, heat flooding your face as he strokes himself before glancing up at you. You nod in return, giving him the confirmation he needs. Jamie grins.

He slides in you slowly. The stretch is mild but grows as he hovers over you once more. It’s easy to adjust, having been warmed up moments before. But for Jamie, it’s not as easy.

He bottoms out almost immediately, tensing over you. His head bows, chin falling to his chest. “Fuck,” he curses. It’s quiet but straight-up sinful. “God, fucking— you’re so—” You grip onto his bicep as he steadies himself. “I’m sorry. It’s just— i-it’s been a minute. And you’re f-fucking tight. Jesus.”

You don’t mind. He feels good like this, despite the fact he’s not moving. Your hand travels from his arm to his hair, tucking a piece of it behind his ear before settling on his jaw. “It’s alright,” you tell him. “We��ve got time.”

Jamie’s eyes snap open at that, but he’s not looking at you like you thought he would. You were expecting a cheeky sort of smile, a smirk, something in that realm. But he’s not. He’s looking at you like…

It’s something you can’t define. Something you’ve never seen before. It churns your stomach yet makes your heart race. Neither of you says a word.

He just dips down to kiss you again and slowly begins to move inside you. Your lips part in a gasp, and he slides his tongue in your mouth. Your back arches into him.

Before you know it, he's breaking from you and is breathing heavy against your neck. “Shit,” he groans. “You’re just— fuck. You…” He trails off, mouth hovering over your collarbone. “You drive me f-fucking mad. God, everything about you. Y-you don’t even know, do you?”

The pace picks up. He’s thrusting into you harder now and your nails dig into his back. You hear him hiss at the contact, but neither of you seem to care. “Fuck.” It’s all you can say. “Fuck, Jamie.”

He’s clearly not done talking. “How’d I-I fuck this up? Huh?” You can’t tell if he’s talking to you or himself. His mouth is on your chest now and the feeling runs through you like fire. “Fucking idiot. Didn’t know what I had. Can’t believe I let you go.”

You clench around him and it throws him off kilter. You watch his jaw clench, hand beside you gripping the pillow you’re on. “You w-were an idiot.” Your agreement is much less effective when it’s closed out by a high-pitched moan.

“I know. Fuck, I know,” he says. “I’m sorry. Deserved better.” He continues to slam into you. “I wanna gi—” A strangled sound erupts from his lips. “Give you better. You’re so—” When he shakes his head, he looks wrecked. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

Something about that sends a shock to your system. It makes you cry out and you can feel it. Your legs tremble around him. You’re close again. You’re really fucking close.

He kisses you once more, deeper than before. It’s more frantic. Everything about him is more erratic. You can tell he’s getting there too. “Couldn’t stop,” he manages to get out, hot against your lips. “Couldn’t s-stop thinking about you. I missed you.”

You clench around him again, the admission inching you closer. “Shit,” you say. “Fuck, Jamie, keep going.”

And keep going he does. His hand moves down your stomach, fingers finding your clit. He rubs circles into it and that sends you into a fucking tailspin. He swallows the sound you make.

“Missed you,” he says again, but it’s more helpless. Jamie fucking whimpers. “God, I f-fucking missed you, angel. Missed you so fucking much, I—”

You don’t hear the rest of what he says because you come the second he makes that sound. It’s white-hot. Blinding. Your legs twitch around him and you claw at him as he continues to rub your clit. You’re loud, but you don’t give a shit. It seems to spur him on.

He’s not far behind you. He spills into you with a groan, stomach flexing as he heaves over you, twitching inside of you. You’re still recovering from your own high as you open your eyes to watch him. You catch his expression for a moment before he’s collapsing into you.

You release a soft ‘oof’ at the sudden weight of him. He doesn’t say anything for a moment and neither do you. You just breathe together. But after a moment you allow yourself to put a hand in his hair.

“You’re fucking heavy,” you tell him, but there’s not much bite in it.

You feel him chuckle. “Give me second,” he says. “Not as fuckin’ agile as I used to be. Took a lot out of me, alright?”

You roll your eyes but continue to run your fingers through his hair. “You’re twenty-six and like, the face of the AFC,” you tell him. “Richmond might have to shorten your contract if you’re dying after that.”

He presses a kiss to your shoulder. “Take that up with me Chairwoman then.”

You can’t help but laugh as you push him off of you, wincing as you feel him slip out. He lands with the same noise you did. “If she heard you complaining like that, she’d be on my side.”

Jamie grins at you, joining in on your laughter. He shifts toward you, grabbing your hand to play with your fingers. “You’re probably right. Shouldn’t be complainin’,” he says. He lifts your hand to his lips. “Not when you’re here.”

They’re sweet words. The casualty of them makes your heart swell. But that anxiety about him returns. One time thing, you tell yourself. Apology. One time. That’s all.

You pull your hand back softly and he glances over at you. There’s a hint of worry in his eyes, like that one movement set off alarm bells in his head. You give him an uneasy smile.

Before you can move to get up or say anything or do something, he’s talking. And you have to refrain from wincing.

“I know…” He looks away from you. Shy. “I know you said one time,” he says, as if he can read your fucking mind. “And that’s… That’s okay. I get that, yeah? But I—” Jamie wipes a hand down his face, staring at the ceiling. “I meant what I said. I missed ya. Really.”

You missed him too. But your walls have been rising back up since he started talking again. “I don’t know what you want me to do with that,” you tell him, only partially lying.

You feel like an asshole when he winces. Maybe you were being an asshole. Maybe it was finally your turn to do so.

“Just…” He finally looks at you. “If you ever… don’t want this to be just a one-time thing.” He waves it off in an attempt to look casual. You know he’s anything but. “You’ve got my number. Or whatever.”

The timidness in his voice makes your resolve soften. Even if you don’t see him again, you suppose you can let him down easy. He’s been kind enough tonight to deserve that. You nod at him as you sit up. “Okay,” you say. “I’ll let you know.”

It’s only slightly awkward as you get out of his bed and search for your clothes. He asks if he can call you an Uber home and you reject it, letting him know that you’ve got one on the way.

You can feel his eyes on you as you dress, ignoring the way they burn into you. You can tell he’s searching for something to say, or something to talk to you about but doesn’t know what.

You’re half-dressed before he can shoot himself in the foot and say something stupid. “Hey,” he finally says. You glance over your shoulder at him after you slip your sweatshirt on. “I’m really glad you texted me.”

The nice streak you’re riding on continues and you offer a small but genuine smile in return. “Me too,” you admit, ignoring the way that his own soft smile pulls at your heartstrings.

Before you leave his room, you offer one more admission. You stop in the doorframe he hit you against, lips curling further upward. “It was really good to see you, Jamie.”

He props himself up on his elbow, smile growing. “Good,” he says, nodding. Then, like a prick, he winks at you. “Glad we’re on the same page.”

You physically cannot stop yourself from rolling your eyes and you hear him laugh to himself as you walkdown his hall. “Goodbye, asshole.”

He shouts a tired-sounding ‘bye!’ when you slip your shoes on, shaking your head as you look around his apartment once more. The candle on his counter is still burning, smelling of amber moss and palo santo.

You blow it out before you leave, knowing he’ll forget.

And as you do so, you feel yourself regress. Or grow. You’re not quite sure which one.

But it makes you curse under your breath and leave his flat immediately.

There is one more universal truth you forgot to mention.

And that’s that the second you think you’re over Jamie Tartt, he comes back into your life and flips everything on its head. And it’s the only truth that’s been confirmed to you all week.

Because the second you arrive home and see that you have a text waiting for you, your heart picks up. You hate the way you get excited to see it.

I had a really good time tonight.

And the second he comes back into your life, you’re reminded that you’re not over him. Not even in the slightest. And it’s fucking debilitating.

me too.

And you know your friends are going to kill you the second you follow up with.

i’m free friday if you want to grab a drink.

#jamie tartt x reader #jamie tartt #jamie tartt x you #ted lasso #ted lasso fanfic #jamie tartt fanfiction #bad ideas #the one who's not a loser but THEE loser #discowrites

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aysegust · 20 days

Text

I HAVE NO HEART. (NI WEH SESH) -K.B

Pairings: (Kaz Brekker x heartrender!reader)

A/N: Hello beautiful people! This fiction is based off clearly the season two, episode six from the Shadow & Bone series. There are some exact quotes from the episode because for the plot of the storyline. As a reminder, I don’t own Y/N and other characters and all rights go to beautiful Leigh Bardugo… I just love the write fanfics! Anyways, this is the only way I would write touching scenes with Kaz. And I loved watching that episode, it was amazing. The way the actors played very well… And I thought why wouldn’t Y/N be in it? Hope you enjoy it! Have a nice reading!

Word Count: 4.540

Warnings: Violence, poison, and no hates to Zoya, I love her but in the story, it is a bit different.

“There is something in the air!” Tolya said it with a haze of a worry. As all of you looked at the ceiling, you saw a red powder spreading across the room. “This is how we die?” Jesper exclaimed anxiously.

Suddenly a strong cough filled your throat. Your lungs were filling with the poisonous powder, when you turned your head to your side, you saw Jesper as he blacked out and collapsed into the floor. As you backed away, still coughing like the others, you leaned on the ground and put your hands on your heart.

As Tolya and you shared a glance, both of you were stabilizing your heartbeats. You glanced to Inej as she passed out and a loud thump came out from Kaz, as you looked at him he fell on the floor harshly. You feared that this moment might be all of your death.

The Slat was quiet unusually. You scoot over from Nina’s side and sit down on the high chair. You were eating some breakfast, as you felt growling inside your empty stomach.

While you were eating, two person came inside to the Slat. As you looked at them, the man had a strong physique and wore off-shoulder leather coat. He looked mighty. As you turned to the girl he was with, she looked oddly familiar. Had dark brown eyes match with her dark brown hairs. Her expressions were cold and still. While the guy looked rather cheerful. He was a Shu also. Then as you examined the girl further you realized it was Zoya. Zoya Nazyalensky.

As they beelined to the Kaz’s office, you exchanged a look with Nina. “Why is Zoya doing in here?” She asked confused. “I have no idea.” You looked confused too, but you waited patiently for Kaz to come to the table you and Nina sat.

After several minutes, Kaz walked downstairs following with Zoya and that Shu guy. As they walked to the table you two were sitting, Kaz informed briefly why they were here. The Shu man, introduced himself as you learned his name was Tolya, he explained further about why they wanted your assistance on this plan.

As you listened patiently, Nina spat in disbelief. “The Neshyenyer? Sankta Neyar's blade?” Zoya looked at her reproachful. “So, you haven't forgotten what you were taught at the Little Palace.” She said teasingly. “Just your loyalty to Ravka.“ She turned to her glances to you too while she was talking with Nina.

You haven’t bothered to answer her as Nina jumped in. “Ravka? Or Kirigan? It didn't take him destroying a city for me to question my loyalty.“ She said a little louder.

As Jesper intervened to ask the payment, Tolya answered and Zoya explained further for Nina’s questions.

After Kaz finished the conversation with an agreement, you looked at Kaz briefly then turned your attention back to Zoya while she eyed you with a straight expression.

That was it, a new business, going to help the sun summoner to destroying the fold, in return got a paycheck of thousands of kruges. You went to your own room and packed a small bag for your tools. As Kaz secured your passports, you went to meet them outside the Slat.

It was going to be an extremely dangerous quest. A difficult one, you were feeling it.

Before all of this happened, you were a heartrender, learning to control your abilities and studying small science in Little Palace. As soon as you were studying and under commands of General Kirigan, you realized that this place is degenerated.

You were friends with Nina, back then. As you two were both heartrenders, she was like a big sister for you. She supported you through everything you dealt about the Little Palace.

One day, you decided to tell her your plans. You were going to escape the Palace, you relied on Nina so much that you were so sure about that she wasn’t going to turn you in, as you went to her, you realized she was also making her escape plan too.

You two escaped the palace but unfortunately you grew apart as you found yourself in Ketterdam your dock sailed in. As that time, you and Kaz’s paths crossed. He found who you were and what was your abilities, then he offered you a salaried position. Because you were useful. Also, you needed money so you agreed his offer and worked for him.

After everything happened and your way’s crossed again with Nina, you were more than happy to see a friend.

As all of you finally docked in Shu Han, you looked at the crowd. The place looked beautiful. The crowd wore nice and unique clothes, the bazaar looked lively and relaxed, you turned to your head to Tolya as he lowered onto his knees, there was a thin candle in his hand as he looked at the statue decored with flowers and fruits. He was speaking in Shu language as you watched him.

You were standing next to Kaz and Wylan. Watching the scene as Inej lowered to her knees next to him, praying to herself. While Zoya and Nina did the same. As they began to speak to each other, you gazed through the colored fibers. It was too noise-full and the crowd looked messy.

Then Tolya got up and walked to where you all stood. There were flutes playing through. “Just so you know, it's bad luck not to honor the dead during Suntsa Sar.” He said it as he was eating walnuts and turned his gaze to the statue. Kaz side eyed the man as he was standing and looked pissed. Jesper scoffed and looked at Tolya.

“If I believed in luck, I'd be in less debt.“ Jesper said and you turned your gaze to Tolya. Kaz turned his face to his side and looked at Tolya coldy. He then said, “And I’m more concerned with the living.” You smirked to yourself hearing Kaz’s words. Always has a remark, you thought to yourself.

After Kaz said the tea shop should be open by now, he reviewed the plan one more time. Inside of your mind, deeply, you wanted to take Nina’s role. Pretending to be Kaz’s wife, for a brief selfish moment you wanted to feel it.

He wasn’t sentimental, how could he? If you are living in the Barrel you can’t have those ‘weak sentiments’ Kaz said always. It was a cruel joke to you, because you loved that man.

Over the time as your acquaintanceship bloomed into a friendship, you caught feelings for the very man who deprived himself from it. Despite he was denying the little feelings he has, you heard his heart.

After you two become friends, it wasn’t confirmed by him but it was there, you understood it, you subconsciously let yourself hear his heartbeat. It was impossible to not hear it. Whenever you met his dark eyes, you felt the heartbeats of his paced faster.

Or whenever he was in his office, writing things on papers or reading some books and planning heists, listening his heartbeat calmed your heart too.

But there were ups and downs. Whenever someone mentioned Pekka Rollins’s name or the nightmares he was having, you were the only one who knew about it, you heard his heartbeat got extremely fast which was worried you so much.

You wanted to help him, at those moments when you were near to him, those anxious feelings eased after seconds. He knew it was your doing. He never confronted you about it but sometimes it really did help him. You two never talked about any of this but Kaz was in fact, grateful.

They say the eyes are the mirror of the heart, maybe Kaz hid his true views by training himself but his heart was never hiding himself to you.

But most of the time, he hated it. How you can able to hear his heartbeat, his pulse, it was giving him away to you, he wanted to keep the disguise. Because disguise is always a self portrait.

Nina was pretending to be his wife, Inej was on the roofs for following Ohval and you were left to stuck with Zoya.

After what happened in that tea shop, all of you sat into a place and talked about what happened. Kaz explained about how Ohval was the Disciple and Nina said how she was able to control her own heartbeat. Kaz explained further.

Then Kaz began to explain the plan. He glanced at Nina briefly. “While she's out of the house, Nina will tail her to make sure she stays out of the house.“ Then she looked at you for a moment. “The rest of us will grab the blade. “ He said.

Zoya intervened in quickly and looked at Kaz with an annoyed expression. “You don't seriously expect me to break into this woman's house.“ Jesper looked at her unbelievably then he joined the conversation. Uh, why do you think we're here?“ He said it confusedly.

Zoya looked at Jesper, “I'm a soldier, not a thief. Why else would I need you criminals?” She said it with an arrogance in her face visible.

You looked at her as you rolled your eyes. “Well, sorry to disappoint you Zoya but there is not much of a difference between them than you think.” You looked at her with coldness as Nina chuckled to ease the tension. “Says the girl who ran away from her country.” Zoya said as you were about to reply back to her, Zoya turned to Kaz. “I’ll go with Nina.”

Nina coughed while she was eating some walnuts. “Are you sure you don’t need me?” She said to Kaz. “I mean, Zoya can tail Ohval.” You watched Nina as you grinned. Kaz was done with the silly arguments you two had with Zoya. “Nina and Zoya will wait for Ohval at the apothecary. Follow her. If she starts heading home, buy us some time. Distract her.” With that Kaz put an end into that conversation, again.

Now it was the time for the plan. You and the others walked to the outside of Ohval’s house. The building looked very much traditional, as you were thinking like that, Tolya voiced your thought. You looked briefly at Kaz. You were wondering what he was thinking.

As Jesper approached to Wylan’s side, you heard a faint heartbeat. Tolya must’ve heard it too, he and you shared a glance. He said there was a faint heartbeat and you agreed.

When the doors opened you, Kaz, Inej, Tolya and Jesper entered inside whilst Wylan was standing outside for all of you. As you heard a click sound, you turned to your back and look at the door.

Inej and Tolya both tried to open the door with their hands after it was no use, they kicked the door and it was useless. You heard a groan from them. Then as Inej tried to stabbed the wallpaper but it was no use, it was impenetrable and then you looked at Kaz. “Kaz what do we do?” You whispered to him.

Kaz, as he clanged his cane into the door he looked at you then Jesper. “The frames are made of metal.” As he said it Jesper looked relieved for a moment. “They are Durast made.”

As you heard another click sound, “There is something in the air!” Tolya said it with a haze of a worry.

You tried, you tried too hard to stay awake. You were yelling Wylan’s name but it was no use, it felt like your voice sounded mere whisper. You looked at Tolya which he tried to also yell for Wylan.

Then as you turned your glance towards Kaz and saw him laying there unconsciously, your vision got blurred and the next thing you felt the dizziness and the pain in your head.

You found yourself back in the Crow Club. You looked around… it was empty. There were no heartbeats you could feel. A slight worry took you over as you hurriedly walked to Kaz’s office.

You opened it without knocking. When you entered the inside of his office, there was only a dim light, lightening his desk.

“Hello, Y/N.” You heard Kaz’s crooked voice. How could that be possible? You haven’t heard his heartbeat and you still couldn’t. “Kaz?” You looked at him as your eyebrows furrowed. He was wearing a white shirt, very unusual for him.. He would only wear black outfits. He looked too angelic to be true, as you drank his appearance.

His faint skin looked brighter as he wore white shirt, his hair disheveled and his gloves… As he approached to your side, he was slowly getting rid of his gloves. “What are you doing?” You whispered worriedly. You knew he had an aversion to touch and you felt anxious as he was taking his gloves off.

“Can I?” He was asking for your consent to touch you, as his hand raised to side of your cheek, you didn’t understand what was happening but before your mind could protest, the feelings inside of you thought different. “Yes.” You found yourself saying.

Kaz’s hand slowly caressed your cheek and you closed your eyes for a brief moment. It was so strange yet so familiar to you, feeling his touch, it was a feeling that you wanted to bottle and drink away.

Then you opened your eyes and looked at him. His gaze never left yours as you looked at him. “I… want you, Y/N.” As your bodies pressed together, you looked at him with tears forming in your eyes.

“Kaz…” You whispered softly. “I, I-“ You felt shattered as his nose touched with yours. You closed your eyes and felt your lips be touched by his. It blossomed flowers inside your chest as you felt the foreign feeling. It was new but something happened through the haze of love, you coughed.

You looked at him as your eyebrows crossed in a confused glance. “You are not Kaz.” You said as you looked at your environment. This place wasn’t his office anymore, suddenly you found yourself in Little Palace, in Kirigan’s room. “How’s my little heartrender doing?” Kirigan said it smoothly as he looked at you devilishly. “What is happening?” You sounded afraid.

He then approached to your side. “Did you miss me, Y/N?” He smirked. Then he grabbed your hand. “Let go of me!” You resisted but it was no use, he was strong and you became that girl. That little girl who was yanked away from their family and trapped in Kirigan’s arms. “You cannot escape from me, Y/N, you know it.”

You tried to yank your hand away from him. To use your heartrender abilities to get him down but it was no use. “Maybe, you want this huh?” He looked at you as feelings of betrayal crossed his eyes. Then he let go of you and pulled his hand in the air as Kaz appeared in the door. “I’m going to destroy him!” Kirigan said.

“No!” You yelled as the time you put your hands up and waved it in the air, Kirigan’s shadow cut already killed Kaz, you were late.

“Y/N!”

You heard a voice.

“Y/N! Come on, wake up!”

Inej was the first one to wake up from the nightmare of the poison, she could able to reach Wylan and as Wylan could explode a small hole in the wall, he gave Inej butterflies.

Inej, as she ate the butterfly as Wylan said it, she felt disgusted. Nearly she was going to throw up however after a few seconds, she felt better. “Wylan..” She whimpered. “We need four more.” She said it in pain.

Inej put the butterfly in Tolya’s mouth as she forcefully made him chew the butterfly. As Tolya woke up with a disgusting taste in his mouth, Inej went to Wylan’s side and took one more butterfly from him.

Then she gave it to Tolya. “Tolya, Jesper. Put it in his mouth.” As Inej said it, she went away and took one more butterfly from Wylan’s hand.

She hurriedly scoot over the Y/N’s side and opened her mouth with her hand. “Come on, Y/N, eat.” As she forcefully tried to made her eat the butterfly, “Y/N, Come on, wake up!” Inej yelled and tears formed in her eyes, after several seconds, you woke up and met Inej’s face. “Inej?” You looked at her confused and you turned your gaze to the room.

You weren’t there inside the Little Palace, it was the poison. Then Inej got up from your side and took the last butterfly and approached to the Kaz’s side, as your eyes followed Inej, she forcefully tried to put the butterfly into Kaz’s mouth, but it was no use.

Something was keeping him from there and he was too tense to eat the butterfly. You looked at Kaz as tears brimmed in your eyes, you closed your eyes for a second as you remembered the cut, you opened and rushed to Inej. “Let me try,” You said desperately.

When Inej gave you the butterfly, you looked at Kaz’s closed eyes. “Don’t leave me, please.” You whispered to yourself. You opened Kaz’s mouth and tried to make him eat the butterfly, it was hard and he was struggling to eat it. “Kaz, Come on!” Your voice was dangerously loud as a tears dropped from your eyes. “I’m not gonna lose you, not today!”

You yelled to him as you tried to make him eat the butterfly.

“Who are you without your vengeance?” Jordie screamed at Kaz as his face looked too pale and there were inflammation marks all over Jordie’s face. “What is the worth of life if you have no one left to fight for?” Jordie said it with sadness, after completing his sentence the anger inside of him came back and his eyes light up with fire.

He drowned Kaz into the water again and Kaz’s felt the utter pain inside his body all over again. The feeling of his lungs feeling with water, utterly panicked him.

Then he heard a voice. It was not Jordie’s. Muffled but not his. It was a girl voice. “Kaz, come on!” She yelled, then as the hands pulled him back, he looked at the very face of Y/N.

The way her eyes looked too worried for him, the way her touch calmed his heart and as the way she pulled him, he looked so relieved to see her.

“Kaz, I’m so sorry,” She said as Kaz’s eyes opened. For a moment, Kaz didn’t feel Y/N’s touch on his face as his eyes met with hers, a sincere relief could be seen by anyone.

But Kaz remembered. The feeling of wet dead bodies flashed into his mind and suddenly he struggled under Y/N’s touch, Y/N hurriedly backed away from him and closed her eyes.

“Is anyone alive?” You heard Wylan’s worried voice. After Tolya and Inej briefly talked, you got up and avoided to look at Kaz. His back was turned from all of you. You got up slowly and looked at Inej. “Did anyone else get lulled into a comforting sense of joy?” Jesper said as his voice cracked, his eyes got teary.

“I didn’t see anything.” Kaz said it coldly as you looked at him. He breathed heavily then Inej briefly glanced at him. “Neither did I.” You didn’t comment on what you saw, you just dodged the question.

“Alright, what’s the plan?” Tolya said.

After Kaz came up with a plan, Ohval walked in and all of you laid down and pretend to be unconscious. She opened the door and looked at all of you. Inej, was on the ceiling and she landed silently. While she was about to pull her knife, Ohval kicked her to the backyard.

Inej got up and pulled her knives. She threw them into Ohval but as Ohval put her hand up, she pushed the knives to the ground. Inej looked at Ohval with a terrified look.

Then all of you got up from the ground. Tolya, Jesper and you hurriedly ran to the backyard as Kaz went inside of the house. Inej threw several knives into Ohval but she was too quick to dodge Inej’s knives.

As Tolya, you and Jesper went to Inej’s side, Jesper and Tolya raised his gun to Ohval, you put your hands up waiting.

Ohval threw Tolya’s gun only a movement of her hand, then she looked at Jesper and warped Jesper’s guns.

When you saw what happened, you curled your hands and showed it to Ohval. Trying to slower her heartbeat into a dangerous rhythm. Tolya also raised his hands to join you but Ohval raised her hands and pulled all the knives in Inej’s waistcoat. She turned the weapons into your way.

It was too quick.

Tolya grunts, all of you dodged the knives. “Seriously offside.” Jesper said as he was very pissed about Ohval’s movements. She threw her hair accessory to Jesper’s neck as she tried to chock him with it. Tolya approached to Ohval’s side and he pulled a punch towards her but she defended herself too quickly. She punched Tolya’s arm while Inej also did a counter on Ohval. Ohval pulled away from Inej’s fist and turned to both of them.

As both Tolya and Inej tried to takedown Ohval, Jesper was still trying to not choke. You raised your hands quickly and curled it to target Ohval. As you were trying to air out of her lungs, she quickly punched both of them to the ground and raised her hands to you.

The next minute you knew, you were choking from loss of air, inside of your lungs. Your vision got blurry, Tolya and Inej looked at you briefly then they attacked Ohval again. As you felt ease, you breathe again. It was deep and, you were hurting.

But she was too strong. She kicked Tolya down and Inej threw her kick into hers but Ohval took her leg and threw her to the wall. You got up and tried to punch Ohval but she quickly dodged the punch and kicked you to the ground.

Inej took her knife as Ohval took one of hers. She tried to stab Inej but, Inej was able to dodge them. As she fought back to Ohval, it was no use. Ohval took her down and tried to stab the knife into Inej’s chest. She was resisting but she couldn’t hold it forever.

Tolya got up slowly as he begged for Inej’s life.

Then suddenly there was an explosion.

Zoya, Wylan and Nina came in just in time. Zoya curled her hands up and hit it Ohval with it. Ohval fell on the ground as all of you got up and and looked at Ohval.

You and Nina were giving Ohval a hard time. You two were trying to stop her heartbeat. But she was powerful, as she moved her hands to the side, all of you chocked.

Zoya gasped and all of you fell down with a movement of Ohval. “This is taking longer than I’d like… Perhaps, we end it.” Ohval said with a harshness in her voice. As she curled her hands, you felt your heart quickened. Your organs were hurting and your vision got blurry. You can only feel the pain and fear. You tried to resist it but she was too powerful.

“Fascinating, isn’t it?” Ohval said with a smirk. “The amount of trace metal there is in the body. Iron, for instance in the blood.”

As she was killing all of you, the sound of an old man came into the backyard. Ohval put her hands down as she released all of you.

You slowly got up from the ground, you saw Kaz. You felt shocked as you heard from Kaz that the Disciple was the man, not her.

Kaz smirked as he looked at Ohval. When the man in chair revealed he stole the Neshyenyer for her and that it belonged to her in the first place, Jesper stepped in. “I’m sorry did you say she made it?” he said.

As the older man got off from the chair and approached to her, he was telling about how she made it. Then Tolya smiled and completed his words.

He chuckled softly. “And it was named Neshyenyer, ‘Relentless.’” He then fell into his knees. “We are honored to be in your presence, Sankta Neyar.” He said as all of you, expect Kaz, fell into your knees for her. “Sankta Neyar?” Inej said surprisingly.

After Jesper took the blade from Sankta Neyar’s house, all of you walked off from her house. It was early hours of morning as the sun appeared in the sky, you took a fresh air into your lungs.

As Jesper was with Wylan, he was kissing him. While Nina, Zoya and Tolya walked away from the house. You, Inej and Kaz walked away too. As you squeezed gently Inej’s arm, Kaz looked at both of you.

Inej then turned her head to Kaz. She smiled softly and looked at you. “I’m gonna check in Jesper.” She squeezed your hand and walked away from the two of you.

You and Kaz walked silently as Inej left your side. After a minute of silence, Kaz broke it. “You never told, what you saw.” You looked at him in a shocked expression. You didn’t expect him to remember it.

“You didn’t see anything, maybe I didn’t see too.” You answered it as you tried to brush it off. But then Kaz stopped in his tracks and turned his body to you. “Maybe I did see something, through the haze of poison.” He admitted as when you hear his heartbeat, it got quicken. You looked at him deeply.

“There are those who drown us, and those who pull us out.” He looked at you deeply as he said these words. You felt blush crept into your cheeks as you watched him. For a brief moment you closed your eyes. “Maybe I did see something too.” You revealed weakly.

He looked at you with a visible concern in his face. “What did your toxin trip reveal to you?” He said it curiously. You then opened your eyes and felt tears in your eyes. Kaz’s eyebrows furrowed and you smiled softly. “My reason to live and my biggest nightmare. All in the same place.”

The reason you live because of Kaz.

The biggest nightmare was Kaz’s death.

Kaz looked at you, for a brief moment his eyes soften because of the tears in your eyes. “But it doesn’t matter, now, we are alive.” You said softly and turned your body and looked at the sky. Kaz, watched your face as you looked at the sky.

He saw living saints but none of them mattered to him. The only saint he believed in was standing next to him. The only one to be there for him through his nightmares and everything.

He would become a better man for her. He would be a better man, for her.

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xxiiam · 6 months

Note

Up to doing an AOT- Levi Ackerman x Scout!Reader smutty one shot ??! Also I keep up with your ao3 series All Mine and LOVEEEE IT. But Attack on Titan has also been living rent free in my headdd ♡♡♡

☆彡 ~ trouble ?

Levi Ackerman x cadet!reader - serious dilf-ish activities

Wc - 1.75k

Fem reader, Levi is peanut butter and extra jelly, Age gap (Levi is in his mid 30s and reader is 19) , reader calls Levi “sir” , lots of spit , sloppy blowjob , m receiving , degradation , Levi calls reader , “cadet” , “brat” , “slut” , “sweetheart” , slapping (face and pussy) , meandom! Levi (with some soft dom inflictions)

Note ~ TYSM FOR LOVING ALL MINE !! I love writing it for all of you guys 🫶🫶🫶 || this has been sitting in my drafts for a good two days so I decided to release it

The whole day during training , you trained near Eren. You even talked with him every so often. Levi watched the pair of you , his same scowl making a very bold statement on his face , “if I see you stop to flirt with Yeager one more time L/N you’ll be on cleaning duty in my office for the next three days” he warned coldly . You screwed your face up , gaze switching from Eren to Levi , “I’m not flirting sir. He was just asking me-” . “So you wanna talk back? Meet me in my office after dinner” he said turning on his heel and observing other people . “Someone’s in troubleeee” Connie teased before being rewarded a slap across the back of the neck from jean .

You opened the door of your captains office after knocking nervously , “you wanted to see me sir?” You said biting down on your bottom lip and walking in front of his desk where he sat finishing his coffee. His cold gaze met yours , “I just have some concerns cadet” . You furrowed your brow , “about what sir?” . “I think you’re being distracted by Yeager . He’s no good for you” . You smiled at your superior, confused , “you called me in here because you think I’m distracted by Eren?” . Levi shook his head , “I know how the younger generation is- sex they all want it, but the guys lack in preforming isn’t that right?” . You stared at him before shaking your head , “I dunno” , “I’m sure you’ve experienced one of these boys. That’s what they are . Boys . You need a man, and I’m tired of seeing the boy you choose be him”

You almost laughed when Levi said this , him talking like this was so out of character for his usually extremely serious tone and workaholic attitude. You walked closer to his desk , “well I’m not seeing any suitors who could show me the difference between a boy and a man” you smiling and batting your eyelashes . He set his cup down sighing - shooting a glare at you . , “on your knees cadet” he said standing up and walking around his desk to you . You stood your ground and remained standing , staring at him with a shit eating grin . Levi always hated when someone disobeyed his orders . He put a firm hand on your shoulder and pushed you down to your knees and slapped you across your cheek , making your head turn to the side . You looked up at him innocently , “listen to me when I tell you to do something brat”

You nodded your head , “yes sir” , “that’s what I like to hear” he said whilst unbuckling his pants and unzipping , his cock pressed against your cheek , he slapped it across your face , “open up” . You decided to obey him , your wet lips wrapping around the tip of his throbbing cock . “Show me how slutty you are for me and NOT a boy” he said between gritted teeth . You removed your lips from his cock and spit into your hand , massaging your spit onto his cock . Your hand stroked his cock lazily , “look up at me sweetheart and put some fuckin’ effort in for me” he said with his hand resting on your cheek softly which was a complete juxtaposition to how he had just previously slapped you.

You applied more pressure whilst stroking your higher up’s cock , you knew you were doing something right since he stopped talking and resorted to soft groans . “I bet Yeager hasn’t seen you look up at him like this has he?” . You couldn’t really reply since your mouth was so full , Levi made it even fuller by pushing your head down . Your nose brushed against the hair above the base of his cock . He held your head down until the tears that had formed in your eyes had become tears rolling down your cheeks , he pushed your head back causing you to breath heavily trying to catch your breath.

His fingers motioned you to stand up even better , he pointed to the edge of his desk, “you want me to bend over the desk?” , he shook his head sternly , “take your pants off and sit . One leg up so they’re spread” . You nodded your head before starting to unbuckle your pants, Levi was far from a patient man when it came to this . “Stop. Just let me do it since you’re so fucking useless” he tutted before practically ripping your pants down and letting you do the rest . You sat on the desk with one leg up like he instructed. Levi’s rough hand traced up and down your slit , he leaned in closer to you . You almost thought he was about to kiss you until a painful slap was brought upon your aching cunt . You whined out of pain , “stop whining.” He said coldly clearly not fazed by your hand clawing at his arm . He was most definitely not fazed since he slapped again . And again . And again . With each slap his hand became increasingly more covered with a slick liquid . He stared down at his hand curious then back at you , “yeah I bet you like that? You like that? So slutty you’ll even like when you’re slapped on your slutty cunt. You’re almost disgusting” .

You bit down on your bottom lip , you clenched around nothing hoping he’d surely give you more pleasure than just slapping at you . Your eyebrows furrowed when you looked up at him desperately, “wondering when I’ll fuck you? Open up” . You stuck your tongue out , mouth opened wide and he did exactly what you thought he would , a large glob of spit fell from his tongue onto yours , “swallow then I’ll fuck you” eagerly you swallowed it all , showing him your clean tongue . He grimaced , “you really are a slut yknow that?” . You nodded , “can you fuck me now please?” . He slapped his cock against your bare cunt , “whyre you trying to give ME orders cadet?” , “sorry sir just impatient” . “Oh I can see that” and with that he slid his bulbous angry red tip into your sopping hole . Then thrusted the rest of his length into you . Not giving you any time to adjust , he didn’t think you’d deserve it .

His calloused and scarred hands gripped at the plush of your thighs , lifting your legs and putting them onto his shoulders as he bullied his cock inside you , “you’re so tight . Clenchin’ down extra hard on your captains dick?” He jeered , you threw your head back in ecstasy . Who would’ve known his dick would’ve been so good despite how short he is? Your moans and whines just couldn’t be contained and Levi made sure to mock you because of it. “Panting like a bitch in heat” he mocked you whilst his thrusts remained consistent and just as mean as him , they were brutal they hit in all the right places at the right speed . He did not dare to falter since he has so much stamina from training so much . You could feel every ridge , every vein . It was all almost too much

But Levi didn’t care if you could take it or not , you were going to take it anyways , Levi didn’t make much noise apart from the occasional grunt or almost moan when you clenched down and throbbed on him after finishing for the nth time , “ I think I’m not gonna cum in you , you don’t deserve it . Your mouth” he said most likely to himself but there was a glint of a grin in his eyes when he saw how disappointed you were when he said he wasn’t gonna cum in you . “Hm. Do you want me to cum inside you sweetheart? You are a slut aren’t you?” He said thrusting in between every word of the sentence. “Tell me how much you want my cum inside you” . Your hands gripped at whatever they could on his desk , your eyes were practically just permanently rolled into the back of your head, “please- sir I wan- need your cum s’ bad..please” you begged as your body shook violently by his relentless thrusts . You didn’t know how many times you finished and neither did he , he cared that he hadn’t yet . He was already overstimulating you for finishing before he said to.

Levi’s hips stuttered for a moment before crashing into yours , it seemed like he was becoming more sloppy , more vocal . “Fuck- you feel so good. So wet and tight f’me aren’t you?” You nodded , “yes sir- jus’ for you” . His hands , gripped harder at your thighs making sure to be able to thrust deeper in you , he bit down on his bottom lip , “ ‘m gonna cum in you, and you’re gonna take it all and not complain- isn’t that right?” He spat . You nodded , not being able to give a real fully formed response . He gave a final grunt before his hips clumsily rolled into yours , his thick ropes of cum staining your insides white.

You both got cleaned up and dressed , before you left his office , he was sat back down on the desk you had previously been fucked on , “you’re not gonna be distracted anymore are you cadet?” . You shook your head , “no sir, can I come back again tomorrow for extra discipline lessons?” He closed his eyes and nodded before waving his hand , motioning you to leave . When you got outside you saw the other cadets standing in shock , jean cleared his throat and spoke up , “we were gonna listen in on you being shouted at by captain. We heard some other noises - what what was that?” . Your face heated up . “It was Eren’s idea” armin said ratting him out . “Eren is just trouble” Connie said shaking his head .

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hyuckmov · 2 years

Text

haechan — fallingforyou

bestfriend!haechan x reader, (feat. best friend mark, mentions of yeri) 5k, unrequited love angst for the most part, a bit of fluff, a happy ending this time, christmas and new years eve season vibes a/n: this is loosely based on 'fallingforyou' by the 1975 because...'i don't wanna be your friend/i wanna kiss your neck' but also hopefully its a little more than that...this goes out to all of you who've been in love with your best friend :) i'm scared there's more mark than haechan in this LOL also for someone who doesn't write long prose 5k is a little amazing for me </3 lmk if you like it thru my asks!

1 dec

you were only having this conversation with mark because haechan couldn’t make it for movie night.

movie nights without haechan were a quiet affair. with no one clamoring over which movie to put on and insisting on playing a series of games to decide, with no arguments over snacks or blankets or which lights to turn off, you and mark sat down and easily picked a movie from the watch-list. things were peaceful. until mark decided to bring up a topic you had sincerely hoped he wouldn’t.

“hey, i have to ask…” he sat up from where he was slumped on the couch. not paying him much attention, you nodded so he knew you were listening. “have you really never had feelings for haechan?”

turning over to look at him, you groaned. “mark we’ve been through this…”

he slid off the couch and joined you on the floor, pressing pause on the movie so there was silence instead. “give me your honest answer.”

you truly, genuinely, hated whenever he brought this up. you hated whenever anyone would ask whether you and haechan were dating, or if he had a crush on you, or any other variation of how are you only friends? truthfully, you hate it because whenever someone asks, you imagine it for a split second: it puts feelings and images in your head that are difficult to forget, and before you know it you can’t act normal around your best friend for about the next two weeks.

but then you embarrass yourself: you linger too long on his hands over the popcorn, you stare a little too much when he’s across the table during dinner, and haechan notices. he laughs in your face, and that makes you drop any other feelings you have settling in your stomach. business as usual. lather rinse repeat.

mark is still looking at you, his wide eyes telling you he really wants to talk it out this time. mark is a big believer in having all your feelings out, and in ‘open communication’. you’re surprised that it’s been 4 months since he brought up the issue.

“mark, just tell me what you want to say.”

“okay.” he pauses, and you can see him lay out his line of reasoning in his head. “what would you do if haechan told you he had a big project due and he was stuck at the library working on it?”

“i would go over there and help him.” you say, without thinking much about it. “i did that, actually. literally last week.”

“okay, cool, you’re a good friend.” mark takes a breath, “what would you do if haechan told you, that right now at this very moment, he really wanted to eat ramen.”

you raised your eyebrows because that wasn’t out of character for haechan at all. “go over there with ramen in a pot.”

mark nods, but he’s just warming up. “it’s midnight right now, in case you were wondering. it’s also raining outside, but i’ll move on. how many times have you helped haechan just over this past week?”

you’re beginning to catch on to what he’s implying. “we’re friends. that’s what good, loyal, friends do. we help each other out!”

“i’m not finished.”

“well, hurry up with your point and less with the hypotheticals.” you turn back to the tv, and you are about to press play on the movie when mark asks-

“do you say i love you to each other?”

your reply of ‘yes” sticks in your throat. yes you do. frequently. but its a throwaway comment, its how you end phonecalls, its what you say before you step out of the door. neither of you mean it. do you? “we don’t mean it.” you settle on your answer.

“he might not mean it.” mark sighs. “think about it y/n. you’ve blown off dates with people who were interested in you just because haechan wanted to hang out. you’re with him almost every second of every day. you would drop everything just to do something he asked. you don’t do that for me, that’s for certain.” you open your mouth to protest, and he quickly adds “not that i mind. i know we’re good friends. i’m just saying.”

“what are you saying?”

mark takes a deep breath. “you treat haechan like your boyfriend.”

the words settle in your brain for a second. you want to say you don’t, but you think a little deeper. if you and haechan were in a relationship, what would you do differently? where would things change? we would be kissing you think. then, fuck. why am i thinking about kissing haechan? then, if this is love, then yes i’m in love with him.

but mark hasn’t finished his thought. “you think of haechan as your boyfriend, you act like you’re his girlfriend, and i’m only bringing this up today because…”

“he doesn’t.” your eyes meet mark’s, and in that second, the both of you understand each other far better than can be put into words.

10 dec

you really hate that mark brought it up. and this time, it feels a bit different than before, because mark has really made some points. do you act like you’re his girlfriend? should you stop? should you scale back? it would be horrible if you just wasted all this apparent girlfriend-isms on your best friend.

“is something wrong today?” you’re having your weekly lunches with haechan at the cafe near the library, and he’s sitting across from you, and everything is normal: you’re at your regular seat, with your regular choice of lunch in front of you, and haechan is telling you about some way mark messed up the microwave last night. but also everything isn’t normal, because you’re back in the depths of pondering your relationship with haechan, and suddenly you’re wondering if this could be a date in some other universe.

“nothing’s wrong.” you poke at your food. “so are you getting a new microwave?”

“y/n i’m serious. did something happen? you’re being really…” he squints his eyes as he examines you closely, and somehow this makes your cheeks feel warm. you can’t look at him in the eyes. “you’re just…you keep not looking at me. why aren’t you looking at me? do you know something?”

“know what?” suddenly, you’re attentive: know something? your mind is going wild with all the possibilities, because it’s beginning to sound like…

does he like you and he’s afraid you found out?

“nothing” he says, far too quickly, and it makes your heart beat a little faster.

“what are you keeping from me?” now you’re on the offensive, and you watch haechan duck his head to avoid your gaze.

“i’ll tell you when i’m ready”, he mumbles and checks his phone for the time. “fuck. i have to go for class now.”

“okay!” you’re a little breathless from all the thinking. an awkward kind of silence fills the space as he puts things into his bag, determinedly not looking in your direction. impulsively, you add, “you can tell me anything, you know that right?”

“i know that. i guess i’m just…” he shoulders one of the straps on his backpack, and pauses to look at you. “i’m just scared of what might happen.”

you’re hoping against hope. maybe this time things will be different. “i’ll wait. things will be okay, i’m sure of it.”

“okay.” he smiles and stands up to go. and before you can lose your nerve, you say, as quickly and hopefully easily as you can:

“loveyoubye!”

he turns and his face breaks out into a wide smile. “bye y/n. love you. see you later.”

maybe you do act like he’s yours. but maybe mark was wrong, because sometimes you think he acts like you’re his too.

17 dec

it’s been a week, and whatever it was, you’re wondering if that moment in a cafe was completely hallucinated.

haechan doesn’t bring up whatever he was keeping from you. you don’t want to push him, because good things take time, don’t they? you ask mark if he has any idea what it’s about, but apart from telling you not to get your hopes up, he doesn’t have a clue either. you think you could maybe go on living like this: delusional over the fact that your best friend might like you. ready at any moment to return the feelings but ready at any moment to also pretend like nothing ever happened.

except maybe you couldn’t, because this whole situation has made the i love yous ever more painful.

after the next movie night, when you’re about to head to your own flat, you stand around, putting on your shoes and taking them off again while haechan busies himself in his kitchen. mark had already left, leaving you one last skeptical look before he headed out. you want to tell haechan you love him, just to hear him say it back — but every time gets a bit harder because it means something a little realer. “haechan!”

“yeah?” he walks out, still holding a plate. “get home safe y/n. text me when you get back.”

“okay, goodnight.” you walk out of the door, and as casually as you can: “love you.”

“mmhm. love you too.” haechan’s already gone when you turn back.

as the days turn colder, december seeping into christmas in all its stories of love in the winter and warm fireplaces, it becomes a mini game for you: how many times could you get haechan to say he loved you, just to hear it? ending each phone call with love yous, that you just manage not to stumble over. facetiming at night, and waiting to say it but not getting a chance to as he falls asleep. in the library before haechan’s class, you take too long deciding how you should say it: i love you, or just love you! bye, love you! or love you bye! and haechan has already left, with a wave.

you say it to his face once: as he’s adjusting the hood on your sweater for you before you leave the restaurant, and his face is so close to yours that you can count his eyelashes. and its so endearing, how his eyes crinkle into a smile, his hands brushing the hair out of your eyes, as he says it back.

each time he does say it, you let it warm you from the inside out. you let yourself imagine that he means it, and it’s enough for you, just for now.

20 dec

so your guard is truly down when he shows up to dinner at your apartment. you made kimchi jjigae, haechan’s favorite, and mark had come over too. the plates were cleared, but all of you lingered around the dining table for a while, talking quietly about little things, enjoying the warmth of the living room even as it gets colder and colder outside.

haechan is a little tipsy from the soju mark brought over. his cheeks are dusted with red, and he’s becoming increasingly touchy: his hands playing with your fingers and his head gently tilted to rest against yours. you like it a little too much, and you could get used to it. you wonder if he’ll tell you he loves you today.

“mark. y/n.” he swallows. “i asked yeri out today.”

and just like that, the delusion from the past month, the confidence you’ve gained from knowing your feelings and imagining that maybe he returned them, all your i love yous and all of his, begin to feel like a cruel joke.

mark is looking at you. carefully, he says, “that’s great haechan. i didn’t know you liked her.”

haechan smiles: you can feel it against your shoulder. “me neither.” still playing with your fingers, “i think one day, i was sitting next to her in class, and i realised.”

you think you’ve stopped breathing. normally, your silence would have been suspicious, and he should have noticed: should have turned to you, squinting, trying to figure out your opinion. but clearly you’re the last thing on his mind. “that’s so sweet. what did she say?” you try to sound excited, and you push him off of you like you can’t wait to hear the rest of the story, but really you just want to be away.

“she said yes.” haechan laughs a little at that, and he’s so happy. “we’re going to the christmas party together. and the new years eve party.”

mark laughs too, but his eyes never leave your face. “will you she be your new year’s kiss?”

haechan’s eyes widen. “dude i didn’t even think about that. sure.” he leans back, and looks up at the ceiling and you know he’s thinking about her. you’re not thinking of anything.

later, as you’re both cleaning up the kitchen, haechan stops you gently with a hand on your wrist. he seems to have sobered a little, because the cloudy look in his eyes are gone. “i’m sorry i didn’t tell you. i was really scared i would make a big deal out of it if i told you and mark, only to get rejected.” he smiles a little.

you nod a little, not sure how to respond. but then he looks at you with his eyebrows furrowed, and he takes your hands in his. “are you mad at me? i’m really sorry. i promise i’ll never keep anything from you again. i love you, and y-you’re my best friend.”

and instantly, you want to hold on to him so badly that you don’t want to do anything that might drive him away.

“i’m not mad at you.” and because you’re just a little selfish, you pull him in for a hug. just one last one, before everything changes. “i’m really really happy for you haechan.” and just because you’re such a good friend, the one who puts him before you always, you add as you pull away: “we should probably stop saying i love you. yeri might get the wrong idea.”

he laughs a little. “you’re right. thanks y/n.”

it’s a mark of how good a friend mark is that he walks haechan to the crosswalk before saying he left something at your place, and doubles back.

when you swing open the door, the first thing he says is “i’m so sorry, i swear i didn’t know anything. it just happened.” and it’s that which makes it real, and makes you start to cry. he spends the rest of the night patting at your hair as you mess up his hoodie with your tears, his “i knows” punctuating your incoherent rants about how it should be you. because it should be you, but also there’s no reason for it to be, at all. and there’s nothing you can do.

25 dec

mark solemnly promises he will watch over you for the whole christmas party. “just in case you get drunk and try to ruin yourself, or them.” he says. you tell him you don’t need someone watching you, and tell him to enjoy his christmas night, but he waves you off and slings an arm around your shoulder, for which you are grateful. it’s mostly been you and him this past week, haechan often busy with a date or another activity, and you’re a little grateful for that because seeing him in the flesh makes it hurt far more than all the hypothesizing you do in your head.

it’s only 2 hours into the party, more people trickling in by the hour, and already he’s started a game with you where you point out possible people for you to go out with. both he and you know you would never make a move, as evidenced from what happened between you and the person we are pretending is not holding hands with his maybe girlfriend right now. but it’s fun to hypothesise.

“he looks nice.” mark points at a boy you recognise as jaemin, who’s inspecting the back of your television.

“maybe.” you tilt your head, thinking about it. “he has a nice smile. oh and he helped me with calculus the other day — that was really nice of him.”

“so you know him!” mark beams at you. “you should ask him what he’s doing with your tv.”

“ask who what?” and the little bubble you’ve been sitting with mark in for the night is suddenly gone, because haechan has wandered over to the two of you, yeri following behind and smiling widely. he’s wearing a red striped sweater, the one that you picked out for him, and it looks so good that you curse a little internally.

“y/n was thinking of asking jaemin out.” mark says, swiftly. his arm tightens around your shoulder, encouraging you to stay calm.

haechan looks taken aback. “you’ve never mentioned jaemin to me.”

“i don’t have to tell you everything. you certainly don’t.” it’s a little mean, and not at all how you would speak with him usually but the way his fingers are interlaced with yeri’s is making you feel jumpy and annoyed. mark is giving you wide eyes, but he tries to pass it off with a laugh.

“sorry. she’s just mean because she’s drunk.” you haven’t had a sip of alcohol the entire night, but you play along, and try to avoid haechan’s eyes.

“sorry.” you mumble. haechan is still looking at you suspiciously, but yeri presses herself into his side and his expression clears.

“yeri wanted to say thank you for hosting the party.” he smiles at her, like there’s something the two of them share. you think you’re going to be sick, but mark has been answering for you far too much.

“thank you for coming. hope you had fun!” you smile as graciously as you can, but you tug on mark’s jacket with your other hand. “sorry, excuse us, we want to go say hi to jaemin for a bit.”

mark helps you hop off the kitchen counter, steadying you with an arm as you look around the room for ‘jaemin’. the entire time, haechan watches, not sure why he can’t stop noticing how the two of you are acting, and how this is the first time he’s really seen the two of you so close. he wonders when you’ve ever been this comfortable linking arms with mark, or putting your head on his shoulder, and why hadn’t he noticed before?

“wait-” he blurts out. you look at him questioningly. “be careful.”

irritated at him, for making you talk to him and look at him like this, you respond “what?” a little too aggressively. you really can’t control it today.

“with jaemin.” if you were still delusional, which you are trying very hard not to be, you would almost say it was as if he was making up what to say as he was saying it. “i heard he’s really rude. and not nice to date. at all.”

you raise your eyebrows, because you know that anyone who’s met jaemin would never say that about him. “sure haechan. merry christmas.”

and just like that, you leave him and yeri in the kitchen, mark guiding you through the crowd easily. jaemin is nowhere to be seen, so the both of you go to your bedroom, where you spend the rest of the night, mark valiantly trying to cheer you up by playing christmas songs for you on the guitar.

and if haechan slipped away from the party to stand outside your bedroom, listening to you laughing and requesting mark do the high note from all i want for christmas is you again, you were none the wiser.

but all you did know, was that when you and mark came out of the bedroom to kick everyone out of your apartment, haechan and yeri were kissing under the mistletoe, his hands wrapped around her waist, and her hands cupping his cheeks. you cheer loudly along with everyone else, and give him an aggressive thumbs up when he looks over at you and mark. you’re beginning to think you want to spend new years eve alone.

31 dec

you were only having this conversation with haechan because the both of you were stuck, in your car, on the way to a new years eve party you swore you didn’t want to go to, because mark couldn’t make it.

over the phone, he was really sorry. “i had no idea, but i have a family dinner tonight that i can’t get out of it. i’m really sorry y/n. don’t go to the party if you don’t want to.”

“of course i don’t want to.” spending new year’s eve alone was bad, but it would be worse if you had to watch yeri and haechan kiss to seal their love forevermore as the clock struck midnight. “i’ll watch a good movie, and go to sleep. i might not even stay up for it. it’s just another night.”

but that didn’t happen. haechan showed up at your door, breathless and panicked. his car broke down, and he had to go to the new years eve party to meet yeri, so could he please please please borrow your car? and could you please please please come with him, because he didn’t want to drive over alone? as you handed him your keys, seated in the passenger’s seat, in last year’s new year’s eve dress and mark’s huge hoodie over it, the words “you would drop everything just to do something he asked” rang in your head.

would you go to a new years eve party if he asked, one that you weren’t planning on going to, in the middle of the night, even if you knew it would likely bring you immense pain? yes apparently, you would. apparently, you still treated him like your boyfriend when he was about to be someone else’s.

haechan keeps looking over at you. how do you look so pretty, in the middle of the night, just getting ready for bed? and why are you wearing mark’s hoodie? “i’m really sorry for making you go out like this.”

you wave him off. “it’s fine.” softer, “you know i’d do anything for you.”

cars moved slowly around you, and their tail lights shone in a bright red lane all the way down busy highway. very soon, the car was barely moving. the two of you sitting there, stuck, as the clock on the dashboard blinked 11:40. running his hands on the top of the steering wheel, haechan spoke up first. “when did you get so close to mark?”

“huh?” you’re genuinely confused. “why would you say that.”

“you’ve just been a lot closer with him recently.”

“we’ve always been friends.” you don’t want to say anything too cutting, anything that would make the silence in the car too heavy, but there is no other way to put it. “you’ve been busy.” with yeri hangs unspoken in the air — but its true. and you don’t even blame them. if haechan was your boyfriend, you would want to spend every second of the christmas season with him. “mark has just…been there.”

haechan doesn’t reply to that. the car inches slowly forward. the song that plays from your phone is slow and deep, and when you look at the lights on his face, his eyes unfocused on the road you realise you just want to reach across the seat and wrap your arms around him.

you think of skipping the song or switching to a christmas radio station, but you can’t bring yourself to ruin it.

“y/n i.” haechan finally takes a deep breath. “i don’t know if its selfish of me, but i just feel like i’ve been losing you and i don’t know how to be back in your life in the way that we were.”

the way we were. “haechan, i don’t think the way we were…was very good for us.”

“what do you mean?” haechan turns, and looks at you. halfheartedly, you point to the road ahead, but the cars aren’t moving, and his eyes are focused on you.

“have you ever really thought about what we were to each other?” you blame the lights. you blame the song. and you blame the fact that the clock reads 11:49, and you just want to be honest, maybe just for once in this cursed holiday season. “haechan, my life revolved around you. you were everything to me. and all i needed at the end of the day was just, you smiling at me, or you telling me you…” you can’t finish the sentence. you won’t.

his heart snags on the were. the was. “i didn’t realize.”

“well it did. and now you’re unhappy because i’m not just waiting for you to reply to my messages, or pick up my calls, because i’m spending time with mark now.” you are picking the entirely wrong fight. the whole argument is wrong, and you know it, but you look stubbornly out at the window. this confrontation was not going to turn into a confession, not when you were both on the way to literally help him kiss someone else.

“i’m not unhappy.” haechan says, slowly. “i just…” the car behind you honks, and he hurriedly moves the car forward, but soon stops again. traffic on new years eve was impossible. “i lied that day.” you look over at him, unsure what he was talking about. “i didn’t ask yeri out. she asked me out.”

you take a moment to process this, but it doesn’t really change anything. “okay.”

“and, i guess i never really thought about her that way before. but she just asked, and suddenly i realised that maybe i did like her. it’s weird, it kind of felt like after she asked me out all of our casual conversations in class just took on a different meaning. i’d never even really thought about her that way before, and suddenly it made sense.”

why was he telling you this ?! you think love truly brings out the worst in people, because you wanted to jump out of the car instantly. you had to be happy for him, and there was no mark to act as a buffer. you’re about to say something, when he continues on.

“i told you and mark that night because i waited for you to ask me why i really liked her. or really just, i don’t know, help me figure out exactly how i felt about her.” he ran his hand through his hair. “but i guess you just didn’t say anything and i just kind of went with it.”

“well…” you try to disengage yourself from the situation. it sounded like haechan really valued your opinion, as a friend, and you hadn’t been there for him. “sorry. i guess it just took us by surprise.” you cringe as you realise that by speaking on mark’s behalf, it really did seem as if you were leaving haechan out. “took me by surprise, i mean. well, do you like her?”

he laughs a little at that. “it’s a bit late for that, isn’t it?”

“it’s never too late to rethink how you feel about someone.” you say, quietly.

haechan looks over at you, and it’s his gaze: as if he’s looking for the answer in your eyes, that makes you look away. you glance at the clock, and suddenly you freeze. 11:58. you scramble to put on the radio. “fuck, haechan we’re not gonna make it.”

“y/n-”

“you should call yeri and tell her you’re going to be late. she’ll be really mad if you don’t show up. she must be really worried-”

“y/n, please listen to me.” he takes both hands off the wheel, reaches out and holds your face in his hands. the radio announcer has just flickered on: the countdown has started. “i’m just going to say it. that day in the cafe: i was afraid you knew something. actually, i was afraid you realized that i liked you. every day, i would wait for you to say i love you, because i wanted to have a reason to say it, even if it was to say it back. i thought about how much you cared about me and i thought if i thought about you less, if i payed attention to other people, if i let more people into my life, it would be easier just being your friend."

‘5!’

“but it’s not.”

‘4!’

“it didn’t get easier, and i just miss you-”

‘3!’

“-every day because i think-”

‘2!’

“i really think that…”

‘1!’

and he doesn’t even bother finishing his sentence. he leans in, and kisses you. your head is wiped of everything he just said. you don’t think of yeri, you don’t think of mark, you don’t think about the afternoon at the cafe or that moment you saw under the mistletoe. you’re wrapped up in him, in the smell of his perfume. the graze of his fingertips against your cheek. and you reach out over the console, and wrap your arms around his waist like you always wanted to.

when you break apart, the radio announcer wishing everyone a happy new year, he mumbles. “didn’t get to finish my confession.”

you laugh and lean forward, to kiss him again. the cars on the road had all stopped, and you think that maybe the whole universe has been waiting for this moment. “i’ll do it for you. i think i really like you haechan. i think i love you.”

and you think maybe it’s not so cruel, to sit with your best friend, who you are in love with, and who loves you back, the kiss still buzzing on your lips, as you watch the fireworks in the sky, the voice on the radio singing in the new year.

#haechan #haechan scenario #haechan au #haechan angst #haechan fluff #nct scenario #mark scenario #nct imagines #nct angst #nct dream angst #nct dream scenarios

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criminalskies · 10 months

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BLOG NAVIGATION

hi honey, welcome to my blog! I hope you enjoy your time here :D. I post a LOT about criminal minds and about my life, other fandoms include bobs burgers, house MD, 911, Oceans Eleven, Studio Ghibli (I also just love the art pls), X-men, and more!!

So, my name is Rome. I’m 21 and non-binary, I go by they/them pronouns <3!

🌱💌 This is a safe space. Homophobia, transphobia, racism, sexism, hate speech of any kind are not tolerated here. Everyone is welcome just as they are. Please respect that. 💌 🌱

Please note this post contains some NSFW content, minors DNI.

Request Guidelines: I know I have written some fem!reader in the past, but generally please avoid requesting pregnancy/period/non gender neutral subjects from me. I know it's a weird line for me to draw, but I could suggest probably ten writers who could do a 10x better job writing these topics. I prefer writing Gender Neutral, so I like to keep things this way wherever possible.

I currently also have quite the pile of requests, so while my requests are open, please note it may take me quite some time to get to yours. (I work oldest > newest with the occasional non-requested fic here and there)

Without further ado, please enjoy my works! :D

Fics:

Safety Net: You spend the night reflecting on a beautiful love you shared with Aaron Hotchner, more accurately, you spend the night reflecting on the last two months of heartache without him. It will take one unexpected visitor to bring the two of you to face the reality you’ve found yourselves in.

Looking Out For You: Hotch seems to be babying you on the chase for an unsub, but you quickly realise, he knows what he's doing. also hotch looks hot driving.

In Your Orbit:

part one. Hotch doesn’t understand why the newest member of the team is so dedicated to spending all their time with him. He finally asks and he’s overjoyed with the answer.

part two. Normal Criminal Minds Case type content, hostage situation, use of guns, an accident involving a knife, Unsub talks about suicide and thoughts of self-harm, please DNI if this is at all triggering for you!!!! ⚠️⚠️

Drunk! Aaron - aaron gets wild on a team bonding night and tries very hard not to let reader undress him because he's taken... by reader. (very drunk hotch being a cutiepie)

Sweet Creature: Aaron has never known exactly where his 'home' was, until he met you.

Walk Me Home: Inspired by the p!nk song, Aaron is having a hard time processing the last case, reader is there to comfort him.

Reprieve: Hotch x Autistic!Reader. Reader is having a very hard day at the BAU and Aaron is able to help.

Sleepless In Seattle: part one. part two. part three.

To Catch A Profiler - A Parent Trap Story. - This is a part one of an incomplete series based on the Parent Trap movies. This sets the scene for when your little girls find one another later in life <3

A Bookstore type of Love. - This was an anon request for brother!spencer reid and boyfriend!aaron to take reader to the bookstore and geek out on new book smell, harry potter and the high school musical/john denver soundtrack on the way. Hotch thinks about how desperately he wants to marry reader.

When the spark lit the fuse - Hotch has been in love before, but he's never been so in sync with someone, bodies moving in harmony like his does with your own. Looking back on how your relationship began, Hotch reminisces on how he himself has changed for the better. because of you.

Meet my big, crazy family: Your boyfriend finally meets your big, loud, crazy family. Inspired by my big fat greek wedding movies <3

This Isn't Me: Hotch comforts reader through their period as they go through some serious dysphoria, having not come out as nonbinary yet </3.

Thoughts/Blurbs:

Across the Multiverse: Haley shows hotch all the universes in which he is happy, and he just so happens to be with you in every one of them.

Fratboy!Hotch: In high school, rumours and dishonesty pushed you and your childhood-best-friend-turned-love of-your-life Aaron hotchner apart. Now, the two of you have showed up at the same college party. Can he make it up to you?

WW2 Hotch:

I will add many many more to these lists as I progress, writing more in the future <3

#welcome my babies #criminalskies masterlist #criminalskies blog navigation #navigation #masterlist

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arcielee · 1 year

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Freedom Song

modern Aegon Targaryen x FemaleReader Summary: Your boyfriend impresses his family when you all go out for karaoke. Warnings: Mentions of rehab, but this is purely fluff. Word Count: 1284 Author’s Note: This story is dedicated to my muse @f4ll-for-you ♥ A huge thank you to her and @aspen-carter for beta reading this story. This idea was inspired by the lovely @foxee-writes who was gracious to let me write this drabble. I just wanted to continue to add to my not-really-a-series series about modern Aegon. I write him as more of a golden retriever bf after he has successfully completely the rehabilitation and therapy that poor bb desperately needed.

For you, Aegon was an open book; he was animated when he talked, but with his silence, his mannerisms were flags to indicate what brewed behind his beautiful lavender eyes.

You watched his hands and their blatant tics of agitation, from drumming his fingers against the inside of your thighs and how it evolved into the rapid bounce of his leg; he scratched the underside of his jaw, a seemingly ceaseless itch that came with the beard he was allowing to come in.

He hated to be halted, so you did not rest your hand on his knee but moved to take his palm into your own, your touch gentle and it allowed his attention to return to the little lobby the two of you waited in. Aegon turned his head and you watched as his lilac eyes refocused onto you.

“Hey,” you said with a smile.

His relief was visceral and he reached his other hand, interlacing his fingers with your own.

We fit so perfectly together, he had said to you when he first held your hand, the memory of his words brought a rose color to your cheeks.

His own smile spread across and with his exhale, you watched some of the tension lift from his shoulders. “Hey,” he said back to you, the low crack of his voice.

“We do not have to do this,” you offered him an escape. “We can always go home…”

He pursed his lips into a line and shook his head so that his silver waves moved with. “I have already missed too many birthdays and I need to make amends. Besides,” his eyes flit over the karaoke lounge, sparsely filled and drawing in the colors of the RGB lights overhead. “This is something Daeron really wants to do, so I will do this,” and he squeezed your hand, his other hand reaching into his pocket. “Besides, I want to show them this.”

It was his sobriety chip to celebrate his eleventh month mark and you could not have been more proud.

It was little larger than a half dollar and was the reminder of the dark times that were, but also how it too shall pass. He held onto it, something he could fidget with when his anxiety flared up, but it also was a medal of honor, a token of proof to show that he had persevered and would continue just that.

The peace continued when he saw it was only his mother and siblings who showed up; his father was not in the best of health and had little energy to much of anything these days, and his grandfather was too wrapped up in maintaining what his father could not do.

You felt relieved. His mother, Alicent as she asked you to call her, obviously loved her son, but her father would get into her head about how it was best to raise them, and his siblings were aware of his shortcomings, but loved Aegon still in their very unique way.

Daeron bubbled with excitement, in part because he loved to sing but you also imagined he took pleasure in the discomfort of his older brothers, Aemond and Aegon. Aemond was a silent force, with a severe expression and dark clothes, his eye looking over their surroundings as they were led into the rented booth. And Helaena was rosy, her excitement glittered in her eyes with the prospect to sing her heart out, also aware of the discomfort for her brothers and wilfully ignoring it.

They took their seats and Daeron bounded to the stage, choosing some pop song and singing along. Aemond, long and lean, sank into a corner part of the couch, legs stanced wide and his gaze solemn, as always. Alicent and Helaena were seated together and you leaned back into the couch, watching Aegon pour over the log of songs available on the tablet; his brow furrowed and his lips moved wordless as he read through the titles, the light from the screen highlighting his handsome features.

He was aglow when he handed you the tablet. “This one?” You confirmed, your finger resting on the song.

Aegon nodded, wiping his palms against his jeans before clapping along with his mother and sister when Daeron finished. “You next?” He asked and Aegon nodded, wetting his lips with his tongue and moving to take the microphone.

Part of his rehabilitation was relearning himself, but sober. With this, he had a newfound passion for music that he had never touched before. You remembered the first time you heard him singing in the shower; you were flushed by his voice, your mouth agape when he exited the bathroom. You always encouraged him to sing, well aware of the brief reprieve it allowed him with every song he disappeared into.

And now, you leaned back to watch the reactions of his family as Aegon cleared his throat.

Daeron’s skittish giggled stopped the moment the timbre of his voice poured into the speakers, though the sound quality was what would be considered for a karaoke bar, it did not take away from the fact that Aegon could fucking sing.

His younger brother’s eyes were wide and he sank back into the sofa to watch him. Alicent’s eyes were just as wide and glassy as she took in her son, as if she was truly seeing him for the first time; Helaena just closed her eyes and swayed her head in rhythm to the music.

You dared to glance at Aemond and even his stoic nature cracked slightly, as his brow arched while he listened.

Aegon was beautiful when he sang, of course; his eyes were closed and there was color to his cheeks from the natural smile that accompanied the lyrics. He moved along with the music, his passion for this habit did not allow him to hold still.

When he finished, he slowly opened his eyes and looked at you, smiling still.

His mother and Helaena bound to their feet, clapping and singing praises, while Daeron was flabbergasted. “Holy shit, you can sing,” he managed.

Alicent flipped on her mom-mode, her dark eyes locked onto him. “Daeron. Language.”

He grinned sheepishly and even Aemond hummed a compliment, “Well sung, brother.” He had the hint of a smile to his lips.

Daeron clasped his hand on his shoulder, bright eyed with a newfound respect for his brother. “What else are you keeping from us?”

Aegon shifted his weight and glanced at you; you nod reassuringly, subtle with your smile. He reached into his pocket and presented the token.

You saw that Aemond recognized it, as he had also been present with the prior attempts of his sobriety, but his expression softened when he saw the color, a forest green, a color he had not seen in his brother’s palm before.

For Aegon, it is a wordless gesture and it is met with the support he deserved. Daeron and Helaena both threw their arms around him, smiles and congratulations on their lips, while Aemond only reached to touch his shoulder, the curl of his mouth enough to let him know he was proud of Aegon.

You enjoyed this moment, content to be a spectator, until you felt the gentle touch of Alicent as she wrapped her arm around your waist and pulled you into her side. “Thank you,” she whispered in your ear.

But it was not necessary. You, like Aemond, had always been around and presented him with the opportunity, time and time again. You also knew that Aegon had to want it, or it would never work.

Most importantly, you would always be grateful for the day he had taken the help offered.

Arcie’s Masterlist

#modern aegon #modern hotd au #aegon targaryen #aegon targaryen x reader #aegon targaryen x you #aegon targaryen fanfic #aegon targaryen fanfiction

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ofstarsandvibranium · 28 days

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Unexpectedly Yours: Part 13

Fandom: Ted Lasso (Regency AU)

Pairing: Roy Kent x F!Reader

Summary: Lord Roy Kent still has yet to marry. He hates the notion that marriage is a way to ensure your status in society. You have delayed your debut to society for years because of the same idea. So what happens when two people who hate the idea of marriage are constantly drawn to each other?

Series Masterlist

You feign illness the day after your discovery of Roy and Duchess Georgina. You couldn't find the strength to do anything at all.

Your mother had checked up on you, of course, after breakfast. You reassured her it was just a head cold that would dissipate within a day or two.

Around lunch time, your lady's maid came into your room, "Miss, um, Lord Kent is here to see you."

You sigh, looking over your shoulder from your writing desk, "Tell him that I'm ill and in no state to see anyone today."

You can see your hand maid have some hesitation, but she only replies with, "Yes, miss." She leaves promptly.

You sigh, moving from your writing desk to your reading nook in your window sill. It was your favorite part of your room. The way the sun shines through it, illuminating the small cubicle. It also gave you a few of the street below. When you're not in the mood to read, you like to watch people go about their days.

Unfortunately, when you decide to peer down, you see Lord Kent exit your home and bound back to his carriage. For some reason, he turns and looks up, immediately catching your gaze. You see sorrow in his eyes but you scoff, immediately moving away from the window.

He has the audacity to be upset when you found him with his ex-lover? How dare he!

_______________________________

Clara watches her brother pace back and forth in the drawing room. After he told her what happened, she couldn't help but roll her eyes. She never liked Georgina and of course she would find a way to still hurt Roy after all these years.

"She hasn't written me about breaking off the engagement so that must be a good sign, right?" Roy asks his sister, "Maybe I should try to see her again later? I caught a glimpse of her and she seemed well."

Clara rolls her eyes, "Brother, trust me, she needs time. Allow her that. She's heartbroken."

"But if she'll let me talk to her, I can ease her-"

"Roy!"

He stops, looking at his sister helplessly, "Please, give her time. Maybe, I should see her later rather you?"

Roy relents with a sigh, "Fine. I suppose that is best."

_________________________

Before dinner, your lady's maid announces that Clara was here to see you. Did Roy really send his sister to speak with you? A part of you wants to send her away as well but decide against that.

"I'll meet her in the drawing room."

Moments later, you enter the drawing room to find Clara sitting on the chaise sipping some tea.

She stands to greet you, "Hello, Y/N."

You curtsey, "Ma'am," and then sit on a chair across from her.

Clara chuckles, "Back to formalities again?" You don't answer and she continues to speak, "I heard you were feeling unwell earlier. I take it you're feeling better?"

"Getting there."

Clara hums, "My brother didn't send me. In fact, I decided to come here instead of Roy." She pauses to see if you would say anything, but you remain silent. She sighs, "Roy may be an arse sometimes, but he would never hurt you like that, Y/N. He loves you. Truly. I've never seen him this way before. Georgina may have been his first love, but you, you're different."

You slump forward, all propriety slipping from you, "I just can't see him right now, Clara. Give me another day and I'll be ready to talk to him."

She nods and stands. She makes the short distance to you and places a reassuring hand on your shoulder, "You're the best thing that's ever happened to him, Y/N. He wouldn't ruin this. What you saw, I'm sure, was very heartbreaking, but I think you should listen to Roy has to say," she kisses your head before leaving.

______________________

After breakfast, your handmaiden accompanies you to the Kent estate. You're escorted to the sitting room and one of Roy's servants steps out to find his master. It's not long until Roy bursts into the room.

You swallow down a nervous gulp and stand, "Good day, sir," you curtsey and Roy's jaw clenches.

"Please, don't do that. You don't ever need to do that with me."

You sit down and Roy, hesitantly sits on the couch with you, but on the opposite end.

"How are you feeling?" he asks, nervously rubbing his hand along his pant leg.

"Physically, I'm fine, but...my heart hurts, Roy."

Roy gulps and nods, "I understand. What you saw that day-I'm sure I'd feel the same if the circumstances were switched. But, Y/N," he turns his entire body to face you, "I can assure you what you saw was unwanted by me. Ge-The Duchess had thrown herself at me."

"Why though? Why would she do such a thing if she's already married? Married to a man that she left you for, no less."

Roy couldn't help but chuckle, "When she saw us together at the ball, she saw how happy I was. How happy I am when I'm with you. Unfortunately for her, her marriage to the Duke isn't what she expected it to be. She wants an annulment and wants to be with me again." He watches as your jaw clenches and you grip your dress tightly.

He reaches out, placing his hand over yours, "Hey," he says softly, "I don't want anything to do with her, Y/N. Only you. You infuriatingly beautiful and smart woman, you. You drive me up the walls in the best way. You challenge me and you fit so well with Clara and Phoebe. I can't see myself with anyone but you, Y/N."

"So, you still love me and you still want to marry me?"

Roy chuckles, "I gave you that, frankly, incredibly romantic speech and you still ask me if I still love and marry you?"

He brings your gloved hand to his mouth and kisses it, "I love you. I adore you. I yearn for you. Irrevocably so. I want to be by your side forever."

You immediately press your lips to Roy's and you can feel him smiling. He pulls you closer to deepen the kiss but the door pushes open and you hear a surprised gasp.

You pull apart to see Clara with a smirking from the threshold, "Well, I'm happy things turned out well."

You promptly distance yourself from Roy, "Apologies."

"Don't be. I'm just glad my brother won't be sulking around the house anymore."

Roy glared at his sister, "I wasn't sulking."

"Of course you weren't, brother. Anyways, I believe you two should continue wedding planning, yes?"

You shoot up from your place on the couch, "Yes! Oh goodness, there's still so much to do," you turn back to Roy, "Will you be available today? Oh, nevermind, it's too last minute. You must have-"

Roy chuckles as he stands, "I'll cancel my meetings. My future wife needs me," he slips his hand into yours and looks at you with loving eyes.

#roy kent x reader #roy kent imagine #regency au #f!reader #fem!reader #female!reader #ted lasso imagine

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here4kpopfics · 2 years

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Through the Night | JJK

Pairing: Jungkook x reader

Genre: Fluff

AU: Established Relationship

Wordcount: 3.3k

Warnings: mentions of anxiety, mentions of sex, a little making out. Also it’s this Jungkook and I’m not sorry.

Rating: PG-15ish?

A/N: This wasn’t meant to be this stupid long. This is the same couple as the one in Hold My Hand, and I have a list of different moments planned out for them. This ended up being like three of those moments in one. (You don’t need to read it first, but I’d love it if you did) This is the second thing I’ve written in over a decade and I’ve never been really good at writing physically intimate moments so this was a challenge for me. Please go easy on my babies. As usual, thank you to my loves @gimmethatagustd and @chryblossomjjk for not only beta reading but continuing to encourage me to keep writing. and Kiki for fixing my grammar bc I’m still very rusty. I love you both an obscene amount. As always, let me know what you think. A lovely little like and/or reblog are greatly appreciated, especially as I get back into this crazy writing world. thank you & I love you. 💜💜💜

Series Masterlist | Masterlist | Taglist | AskBox | Coffee?

You hate storms. Absolutely hate them. You love the rain, though. The background noise of it as it helps you fall asleep or even helps you focus on tasks. You just hate what tends to come with the rain: thunder.

While you find lightning to be fascinating, and can watch it for hours trying to figure out where its starting point is, you prefer it when it’s as far away as possible. You count the seconds before you hear the deep rumbling of thunder, sending you under the covers in fear.

That’s exactly what’s happening tonight. The rain is coming down hard. The wind is too strong, making you feel uneasy in your apartment on the 15th floor. Your roommate, who is usually your safety blanket, is currently out of the country for work. This left you alone and unable to sleep in the dark, that sometimes becomes blinding light from the lightning being overhead. The thunder is almost deafening, rattling the windows.

You turned on your projector, casting light across your room to look like the northern lights, in an attempt to get lost in the colors and calm down. But it wasn't working. You’re on the verge of a horrific panic attack. You can feel it, and you subconsciously grab your phone. You can’t call your roommate because he’s on a plane and you can’t call your mother because the time difference is horrible. You scroll through your contacts until you land on his name.

You’ve been dating for a little over five months now, and it feels pretty serious. No “I love you's'' have been exchanged and the intimate moments were still relatively safe, but he calls you his and he is yours. But you didn’t want to scare him away with your irrational fears, and definitely didn’t want him to see you when you could barely control your anxiety. Not yet at least. He’d seen you panic over things you deemed reasonable to panic over like large crowds, people suddenly yelling, or receiving worrisome news. But you managed to contain the panic over the things you deemed unreasonable like fireworks, placing or receiving the wrong food order, the sheer idea of taking the subway alone, or in this case, thunder.

You also didn’t want to admit to him how his voice was the most calming thing you’ve ever heard. How all you have to do in a situation that makes you anxious, is just make him speak about literally anything. That makes your heart rate lower almost instantly, as you focus on the beautiful cadence of his voice to distract you from the overwhelming surroundings. You aren’t ready to admit that to him because you don’t know if he would find it creepy or not.

You are about to scroll away from his name when, in rapid succession, your room lights up white. Not even two seconds later your entire building shakes, causing you to jump and scurry back under the blankets, trying to remember your breathing exercises. After a moment, finally getting your heart rate down just enough, you hear a voice muffled from under your pillow. Your eyes widen, praying you didn’t actually do what you did and he didn’t actually pick up. You grab your phone, turn it over slowly, and see your call screen with Jungkook’s name at the top. You immediately hang up the phone in a panic.

Not even ten seconds later it starts ringing again. You let it go to voicemail, but it just starts ringing again, whilst getting messages asking if you were okay. You know Jungkook enough to know he isn’t going to give up. Letting out a heavy sigh, you take the phone under the covers with you and answer quietly.

“Hello?”

“Y/n, did you just call? Is everything okay?”

“Uh…oh, did I? Sometimes I text in my sleep and I- I guess I accidentally…called…you…?” You try your best to sound convincing, fumbling over your words while pulling at the threads in your blanket. “I’m sorry if I woke you up.”

He lets out a groggy laugh. “You’re a terrible liar, y/n.”

“Shut up…it was an accident, okay? That’s all it was. Go back to sleep and I’ll see y-“

You’re cut off by another round of bright light, surrounding your room with bone rattling thunder. You let out a curse and clutch the phone closer to your ear, as if that’s going to help drown out the thunder.

“Y/n? What happened? Are you okay?“ He sounds so genuinely worried and you hate lying, to him especially, so with a shaky exhale you try to explain it as quickly as possible.

“Ihatethunderandthestormispassingabovemybuilding. Danny isn’t home so I’m alone and scared andIjustwantedtohearyourvoice.” You squeeze your eyes shut, one hand clutching your phone and the other gripping the blanket still over your head. You prepare for the taunting, or to hear the line go dead, for several moments before you hear movement and the sound of keys on the other end. “Jungkook? What are you doing?“

“Is the passcode to get into the building still 0413?” He inquires and you hear a door close and an engine rev.

“Yes…but - Kook, you’re not coming over.”

“Yes I am.”

“No you’re not.”

“But I already am.”

“Then turn back around and go back to bed. You’re not coming over at 2:30 in the morning. You had a long day, go home.”

“I have had enough sleep to come over. It’ll be fine.”

You huff, throwing the blanket off you and sitting up, snapping into what he titled Brat Mode whenever neither of you could agree on something, but refused to give up. “You know arguing with me is never going to end well. I will win. Every time.”

“And you know arguing with me will result in you up against a wall begging me to show you why you’re wrong.” He chuckles at your immediate silent response, knowing how flustered you get at the mention of anything sexual. It was killing him that he couldn't see how red your cheeks were right now. Realizing you still haven’t said anything after a minute or two, he checks the phone to make sure you were still on the line as he pulls out of the parking garage of his complex. “Whether you like it or not, y/n, I’ll be there in 27 minutes. Try to get some rest until I get there, okay?”

“…Okay…,” you mumble softly. “Thank you…,” you whisper before hanging up. You tuck your phone back under your pillow and bring the blanket back over your head to hide away until your savior arrived.

You’re not sure how long it’s been, because you were finally able to fall asleep with the knowledge you weren’t going to be alone. But you were jolted awake with a harsh crash of thunder. You couldn’t move, which terrified you more. Your fight or flight instincts kick in and you try to thrash out of whatever it was that is holding you down. It’s not working and the hold only gets stronger and tighter, but this time is followed by a worried voice in your ear. “Fuck, what the hell, y/n calm down it’s me. It’s Jungkook!” The last sentence ends in a light yell while you continue to thrash, panic flooding every fiber of your being. “Hey, focus on me, y/n I’m right here.” His left arm comes out from under your pillow and he maneuvers to hover over you; his weight on the left arm and the right hand leaving your waist to cup your face. “It's me. I'm here. You’re okay.” He murmurs over and over, searching your eyes for any recognition of him. It takes a few more moments before your eyes finally lock with his. It is like something clicks in your mind and you become frozen.

”…Koo…?” You murmur softly, bringing both your hands up to cup his face, verifying he was real. With that verification, your eyes immediately well up and begin threatening to spill. His right thumb, still glued to your face, begins wiping away any tears that succeeded in escaping as he presses his forehead to yours. “You’re here…,” you trail off, lightly bumping your nose to his and trying to smile, even though your unreasonable brain wants to burst into tears and your lungs are straining to get any air in or out.

He lets out another small laugh, giving you your favorite beautiful smile with a scrunched-up nose. “Yeah, sweetheart. It’s me. I’m here. What happened there, huh? I told you I was coming over.” He whispers, leaning in to kiss your cheeks where he had just wiped the tears. “I probably should’ve woken you first, but you were finally asleep and I didn’t want to wake you. I’m sorry, bug.”

“S’okay…” you yawn, stretching out underneath him before wrapping your arms around him and bringing him down to you fully. He snakes his arm back around your waist and rolls onto his back, letting you rest against him. Tucking your face into his neck, you smile and inhale deeply, wanting to find comfort in his entire being, but are met with a different smell entirely. Pulling your head back away from his neck, you look down at his sweater. “Why are you wearing Danny’s clothes?” You scrunch up your face at the smell. It wasn’t a bad smell, your roommate’s smell was fine and was actually the smell that brought you the most comfort. At least until you met Jungkook, then it became the second.

The boy under you just smirks, moving your hair out of your face. “I forgot an umbrella, so the brief run to the car and then to your building, soaked my clothes. And I figured Danny wouldn’t mind me borrowing some sweats since he’s not here. Why?”

“You just smell like him. It’s weird.”

“Weird?”

“Yeah. Like, I know it’s you here with me, but you smell like someone else and it’s throwing me off. I don’t like it.”

“I can take it off if it’s really upsetting you. I don’t mind sleeping naked.” His offer sounded so serious, as if he was really concerned, but his facial expression said otherwise. He was fully teasing you, getting his wish to see your flustered cheeks like he wanted to earlier. You open your mouth in shock and look anywhere else but towards his gaze, ending up on a piece of the hoodie that you were already clutching. “Would that be better? That way you just smell me?” He adds with a big grin across his face, tongue playing with the metal ring around his bottom right lip.

You shake your head vigorously. “No no, it’s fine. I’ll get over it. It’s fine.” You rattle off, still clutching onto the hoodie. But he ignores you, sitting up and grabbing the bottom of the hoodie to start taking it off.

“No no, the princess can’t stand the smell. Therefore we must get rid of it posthaste! Before she bans us from ever returning to the castle.” He announces in the most dramatic fashion as he pulls the hoodie off, remaining in his own shirt. “I’ll just use the princess’ body heat to keep warm during this terrible storm. I’m sure she won’t mind.” He jokes, laying back down to wrap his arms around your laughing form again, tucking your head back where it belongs, in the crook of his neck. “There. All better, my princess?”

You force yourself to contain your laughter and sound as monotonous as possible, “No. I like Danny’s smell better. Put it back on, you stink.”

“How very dare you! After I traversed the dangerous outside elements to come and be by your side in your time of need, and this is how you treat me? The disrespect! The audacity!”

You finally burst into laughter as he begins to tickle your sides, wheezing and trying to stop him by rolling away, only ending up with him back on top of you. He loved to tickle you, but you were still anxious from the storm and laughing to the point of wheezing, which always ended in you hyperventilating. You tapped both hands on his chest almost in a panic.

“Koo, too much, please. Too much. I can’t - I can’t breathe.” Your eyes start welling up again and he stops immediately, leaning down to kiss the space between your eyebrows.

“Okay, too far, I’m sorry. Breathe, bug. Breathe slowly.” He coaches your breathing for a few moments until you’re steady again. He is still above you, looking down at you like you’re his whole world. And you are. He knew it the second he met you and learned your name that you were going to be the one he would always want in any timeline in the universe. You were the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, proving to you and the universe that you were his reason for being. His gaze travels from your eyes to your lips, to the steady breathing from your chest, back to your eyes, and then finally landing back on your lips. He mumbles something about how you have no clue what you mean to him before deciding to just give in and press his lips against yours, moaning into the kiss immediately. Your breath hitches and it takes a second before you shut your eyes and kiss him back with the same amount of desire, tangling your hands in his hair as his own hands drop from your waist down to your hips, gripping them tightly and pressing himself down into you.

You two stay like this, hands roaming each other while he stays slotted between your legs. Your lips connected, only separating for air, or for him to trail down your neck before coming back to your pillowy lips. As if he could never get enough of them. You smile into the kiss, your hands reaching down toward his sweatpants. One of his stays firmly on your hip and the other under your shirt, slowly creeping up your stomach. Just as you were about to reach the promised land, a clash of thunder rumbles through your room, reminding you both why your boyfriend was here in the first place. You flinch at the noise, causing Jungkook’s creeping hand to retreat immediately out of reflex, learning not to touch you when you are uncomfortable. He looks down at you with wide eyes, hoping he didn’t do anything wrong, moving his other hand off your hip and onto the bed out of caution. “You okay, bug? Did I do something?” His voice shakes and you can’t tell if it is from the lack of air from making out, or his concern of hurting you.

“No, you’re fine. I’m fine. The thunder. I forgot about the thunder.” You choked on a small laugh out of embarrassment, covering your face with your hands. “I’m sorry. We can continue…if you want.”

He sighs, looking towards the window that displayed the city, the beautiful lightning dancing around the sky. He places a soft kiss on your forehead before getting off of you to close the blinds. When he returns, you expect him to crawl back on top of you and finish what you started. Instead, he crawls behind you, pulling your back flush against his chest, snaking an arm around your waist, and hooking a leg in between yours. He nudges your ear with his nose, kissing behind it before murmuring “Nah, it can wait. I’d rather have you on edge because of me and my tongue rather than the storm.” He practically counted down to when you gasped and watched your cheeks redden for what felt like the millionth time tonight. It was getting frustrating for you that he had this hold over you just by mentioning anything sexual. So you said fuck it and tried your best at responding in kind.

“But don’t you need…I don’t know….help? With this?” You tried to sound as innocent as possible as you rolled your hips back against his crotch. His hand left your stomach, immediately gripping your hip in place against him and huffing into your ear.

“Don’t.” Got him.

“Don’t what?” You ask sweetly, tilting your head back to try to get a better view of him.

“Y/n…I’m trying to be the good supportive boyfriend that comforts you through storms. Not the boyfriend that completely ruins you and makes you mine over and over again.”

Don’t let him win, y/n.

“What if that’s the boyfriend I want?” You tried to roll your hips again but his grip only tightened further.

“Then you’re shit out of luck, bug.” he tries to sound stern, but you weren’t completely unsuccessful with the last hip roll. It was taking everything in him not to buck his hip forward.

You huff and lay your head back down on the pillow, facing away from him. “Maybe I should find a new boyfriend then…” you mutter softly, clutching the blanket closer to you.

Jungkook’s jaw tightens and you feel his death grip on your hip release. His hand slides up past your waist, over your forearm, past your shoulder, and across to your throat where he lightly wraps his hand around it, bringing your head closer to his face. You knew you did it. You made him snap. Jealous Jungkook will always be the way to go if you want to win. You can feel it and you’re excited. However, instead of crushing his lips onto yours or attacking your jaw with aggressive love bites before completely ruining you, he kisses your temple, your cheekbone, the crook of your neck, ending on your shoulder blade before he takes a deep breath. “Y/n, it is almost 4 in the morning on a Wednesday. You have work in the evening and I cannot consciously allow you to go tired and sore. So behave.” He threatens before lightly biting down on your shoulder.

You let out a defeated whimper, making him giggle. “You suck.” you sound like a fucking toddler about to have a tantrum.

“I know. Now go to sleep, princess. I’ll be right here all night…or morning…” he let go of your throat, wrapping his arm around your waist again, this time tugging you back to him a little harsher to serve as a ‘my decision has been made’ move. You mumble an okay and a goodnight before getting comfortable and closing your eyes, happy to be wrapped up in his embrace.

It’s completely silent except for the rain, the now distant thunder, and both of your slow breathing when Jungkook opens his sleepy eyes and looks down at your resting face. You look so happy and it overwhelms him thinking it’s because of him. He’s the reason you feel safe in someone’s arms. He’s the one you called when you were scared. He’s the one that gets to hold your hand, kiss you, and touch you. He tucks a loose strand of hair behind your ear and leans in to kiss your temple. He hesitates there for a few seconds before finally whispering “I love you, bug. So much. I hope that’s okay.”

He places another gentle kiss and settles back down, closing his eyes, beginning to drift off to sleep while thinking of better ways to tell you when you were awake. Except you hadn’t fallen asleep yet. You heard him and you were struggling to control your breathing and the desire to turn around and verify what he just confessed. Instead, you waited a few moments that felt like an eternity until you were able to control your lungs long enough to form two sentences.

“It’s more than okay. I love you, too, Koo…” you whisper it so softly you weren’t sure if he heard it or if he was even still awake, until you felt him stiffen and his grip on you tighten. Neither of you said anything more, just basked in the love you both had for one another and finally having it out there. You drift off to sleep with a big smile on your face. Suddenly storms aren’t so horrible if it means having the person you love there by your side.

#btshoneyhive #bangtaninn #jeon jungkook #Jeon Jung Kook #BTS #Jungkook x reader #jjk x reader #jungkook fluff #jungkook fanfiction #jungkook moments #jungkook fluff piece #jjk #jungkook fanfic #jungkook #jungkook fic #Kelly posts #Kelly writes #fic: Through the Night

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axailslink · 1 year

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(Series idea maybe) What if Shuri and Riri were in a relationship and were looking for a third (the reader) just to spice up their sex life. Only for them to slowly want to make her an addition to their actual relationship outside of just sex. It’s like a slow burn type beat idk I hope this made sense 😭

Shuri Udaku and Riri Williams

Shuriri x poc FEM reader

A/n: I love writing for my two wives but this takes the cake because my polyamorous ass feels so included. (Also bruh tell me why there are heels that are like 795 dollars...I would never.) Sadly this will not have that slow burn feeling because I don't want to have to write a part 2 I have plenty of those that need to be done already.

Summary: Shuri and Riri have been looking for something different and you're just the right kind of different.

Snippet from the fic: “ "Riri grabs her hand and shakes it as if to get her point across more "not only can she leave me speechless she put you in your place last night and to top it off she cooking breakfast. If we can't marry her can we at least fuck her again?" ”

Shuri pulls out Riri's seat for her as she sits and Shuri sits across from her. The dinner goes as usual except they just can't keep their eyes off you, the beautiful woman sitting alone in a five-star restaurant. At first, they only speak with their eyes as they stare you up and down Riri's the first to break the silence "she's alone" Shuri nods "she's been alone since we came in...think she's waiting on someone?" Riri stares you up and down taking in everything from your red bottom heels to your black skin tights dress and then to your watch. "I don't like to assume but she is definitely waiting for a sugar daddy...or mommy" Shuri laughs and that catches your attention you glance over at the table next to your own and catch both of their glances. You smile sweetly and sip your drink without letting your gaze leave either one of them for too long. You eye Riri first taking in her form in her dress before smiling and turning your attention to Shuri who's wearing a black suit you smile at them both it's cute short as you return your attention to your drink. Shuri glances at Riri as she thinks out loud "we talked recently about how we wanted something different in the bedroom. I don't know what it is but...she's different." Riri nods as she continues to stare at you but you pay them both no mind as you look over the menu and cross your legs. You can't lie and say you're not wondering what they both look like naked because that's all you're thinking of when a man walks over and smiles at you. "Are you here to take my order?" He just laughs cockily and you immediately get an ick that makes your skin crawl "no" before he can ask his intended question you turn your attention back to your menu "no? I didn't even get to a-" "no" you give this man the most piercing stare and smile "fuck. No" he makes a face of disgust as if he wasn't expecting such words to come from such a beautiful woman's mouth. "You ain't even all th-" you smile and sip your drink when a waiter comes over "sir if you continue bothering customers I'll have to ask to leave" You look at him and think for a moment "no he's fine actually he can have this table could I join another table?" You point to Riri and Shuri "those two and I'd like to pay for their meal" the man smiles politely "I don't think that's possible miss..." You cock your brow and sit up "think? Is it possible or not possible?" He shakes her head "I can make it work would you like me to guide you to your seat?" You shake your head "no thank you." You get up grab your wallet and drink as you make your way to their table with a slow but beautiful walk one that catches the gaze of many including Shuri and Riri. Riri looks over first before looking at Shuri "excuse me ladies do you mind if I sit? I hate being alone you two look like the perfect company." Shuri nods and Riri stutters to get her words out "n-not at all" you smile at her thinking she's cute before turning your attention back to Shuri as you sit in the chair legs crossed revealing the slit that's mid-thigh in your black long dress. you stare Shuri down and smile as you hum

"Shuri Udaku and Riri Williams two geniuses how does that work in bed?" You lean back in your chair glancing at them both "I bet she makes you a moaning mess-" you point to Riri but then turn back to Shuri "or is it the other way around?" Shuri smiles at your interest in their sex life "would you like to find out?" you laugh as you lean back you don't verbally answer instead you stare at Shuri and stir your drink. Riri is staring at you hard right now waiting for an answer waiting for the invite both of them need "well...my house does get cold with the kind of weather we're having. Are you two searching for an invitation?" Riri can't stop the smile that spreads on her face.

•°•°🤎•°•°🤎•°•°🤎•°•°🤎•°•°•°🤎•°•°🤎•°•°🤎•°•°🤎•°•°

Shuri and Riri are obviously a bit skeptical about you they don't know you but all those worries are tossed out the window when you invite them into your home. As soon as the door is shut and locked you're pulling Shuri by her blazer and Riri by her hand up the stairs behind you. you waste no time when you're finally in your room "I'm a very important woman you will speak of "this" to no one understood?" Shuri raises a brow and Riri nods immediately wishing you will shut up and just kiss her already her wishes are instantly filled when you pull her to you and plant a soft kiss on her lips. you smile while Shuri watches the way Riri folds underneath your touch even one as soft as the one she's just received but the whimper that leaves her lips doesn't go unnoticed. "Riri" Riri nods as she looks at you and you know right now that you have her attention all of it so you finally give her a kiss worth waiting for and it's nothing like the one she recirved a moment ago her hands are quick to roam your body while you're still holding onto Shuri by her blazer keeping her close. Shuri watches intently something like this would usually piss her off but it's doing nothing of the sort it's making her jealous and not in the "get your hands off my girl' jealous more of the "where the fuck is my attention?" When you finally pull away from Riri your eyes stay glued to her for a moment not able to tear them from her not while she's looking up at you the way she is but Shuri tears your gaze from her when her tattooed hand grabs your face firmly. you stare at her loving the way her expression is cold and degrading as she looks at you but you don't just give in you smile at her as you carefully unbutton her blazer "jealousy is a great look on you sadly I enjoy when one waits their turn." your hands pause as her blazer is undone and you pull away turning your attention back to Riri this time she doesn't wait for you to initiate the kiss she instead pulls you to her by your waist and leans up pressing a firm kiss to your lips.

The kiss is long and makes you gasp for air sometime in between she unzips your dress letting it loosen around your figure and you feel Shuri's cold hands gently guide the straps from your shoulders. The dress easily glides down your body and so do Shuri's hands as they trace behind it her hands crawl over your naked chest cupping your breast "your girlfriend is impatient" you mumble as you pull away from Riri. Riri smiles in return "so am I" you watch as Riri gets on her knees in front of you. She carefully grabs your foot taking off the heel while Shuri hooks her fingers into your underwear gently and slowly pulling them down.

you're so used to being the one giving all of the attention to the other when it comes to something so intimate so to be felt up like this is something different it's something you're not used to. you close your eyes as the two fully undress you before leading you to the bed.

•°•°🤎•°•°🤎•°•°🤎•°•°🤎•°•°•°🤎•°•°🤎•°•°🤎•°•°🤎•°•°

When both Shuri and Riri wake they're met with an empty bed but the smell of food pulls them both downstairs you set a plate of steak and eggs on the island. Your current state has them both wondering what the hell happened to the high and confident y/n they'd met last night? there is no sign of her now as you're standing in your bonnet, undergarments, and fuzzy slippers. "you two hungry?" Shuri and Riri share a glance before Shuri speaks "for breakfast or..?" Riri nods "yeah what she asked" you laugh and shake your head "breakfast."

The two women can't help but ogle at you as you cook them up some breakfast they share a whisper conversation in-between "you know we've got to marry her?" Riri whispers first and Shuri laughs "what?" Riri grabs her hand and shakes it as if to get her point across more "not only can she leave me speechless she put you in your place last night and to top it off she cooking breakfast. If we can't marry her can we at least fuck her again?" Shuri bursts into laughter as you place a plate in front of them both. "I have to leave in about two hours I have a meeting" you mumble as you sit in your plush felt chair with crossed legs and eat. you try not to stare at them but you can feel both of their stares on you already so you glance up "is something wrong with the food?" Both women shake their heads no "no the food is good."

you're finally in the process of getting dressed when Shuri speaks "we've got a flight to catch later and Riri is hellbent on having me ask if you'll join us in Wakanda. I could show you some of the sights Riri wants to show you the lab." you pull your slacks on and smile at her. "Join you? If you want to date me you should make that clear." Riri walks over to stop the strap-measuring contest before it starts "yeah we want to date you" you stare Shuri up and down "I know you want to date me Riri but what about you Shuri? Is that why you want me to visit you in Wakanda?" Shuri smiles as she glances at your lips "I date to marry." Riri watches this little interaction and checks her phone "Oh my God Shuri just say yes she's not giving up." Shuri shushes her as you continue staring at her "you don't have to answer because I want to date you both and like you said I date to marry." Shuri smiles but before she can back up you plant a soft kiss on her lips causing her smile to grow wider she turns around quickly and you laugh at the sudden shyness. Riri rolls her eyes "awn you jealous?" Riri shrugs "I ain't jealous but I mean it is a bit unfair she gets a kiss and I'm just sitting here looking a-" you don't let her finish as you peck her lips softly "we good?" she nods "mhm."

After everyone had had the chance to her dressed you usher both of the women out of your house and lock it up as you're heading towards the car both watch "I'll catch you both at the airport." Shuri smiles and Riri shakes her head as she watches you get in your car "damn." Riri shakes her head and laughs as she starts the car "we should have made her breakfast."

A/n: If yall only knew how old this request was like damn it ain't even funny but I was procrastinating about this one so much. I hate writing Shuriri fics truthfully because there's just too much going on however I love shuriri x reader too much to not write it.

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dianasaurusrex102 · 3 months

Text

Maybe it gets better? (I could wait, it'd be my pleasure) Pt.2!!

Authors Note and CW’s under the cut :p

Authors Note: Oh hey :D I didn’t take nearly 2 years to write the sequel wdym? And I most certainly didn’t set the ground work for a whole series that I definitely can’t finish but will do what I can, that’s insane!! Anyways thanks for those who came from the first part or those who I promised a part two and have been waiting (I see and appreciate you!!). This one is for my sapphic girls!! Ballora is the one out of the three who gets the least amount of love so I’m correcting that. Also giving my femcel core girls some rep, I can have my cake and eat it too! Comments and reposts are my food so part three might not take a whole year if I’m fed but who knows :) I absolutely hate when fanfic writers out their fan art into fics so I’m making seeing their redesigns options is you’d like to see the click here.

(Also @crazyytogetherrr @azmosposts @cherryxsapphic pspspsps come get your long over due food)

Content Warning(s): Female reader and anatomy, insane amounts of pet names, obsessive behavior (mild daydreaming of kidnapping in a non serious tone), and of course smut

—

You came back just like you said you would, you were never one to go back on your promises of course. But now you were standing in the office you'd originally sworn you’d never come back to. Thankfully, this time you know what you're getting into.

The hours before you got here were spent pacing and almost obsessively debating if going back was the best idea. Your mind went back and forth on whether Ballora invited you back out of pure politeness (do robots even feel the need to be polite??) Or if she genuinely wanted you back, if that was the case would the others want you there too?

With those thoughts weighing you down you gave yourself 5 minutes of wallowing in your own anxieties so if you ultimately chose to stand her up you had the option to run away with your metaphorical tail in between your legs. But now with your time running out, and no convincing reasons to turn back you straightened up your outfit in the smudged, dirty reflection of the window.

You dressed up, meaning a pretty sweater and skirt instead of your more casual clothes. Even if only 2 out of your 3 robotic friends (lovers?) would be able to see you, you wanted to look your best for this second meeting.

Your hands shook as you flattened out the last wrinkle on your sweater, your thoughts racing a mile a minute. You were in actual mortal danger last time you came here, yet here you were more worried about your outfit then hightailing it out of there all because a couple unsettlingly sentient robots made your entire year in one night.

You checked the time on your phone for the umpteenth time, 11:59 stared back. It was now officially too late to take the cowards route, excitement and unease mixed in the pit of your stomach as the reality of your situation dawned on you.

This was fine, right? You'd be fine?

You squeezed your eyes as tight as you could, hoping your almost debilitating anxiety would quiet down. You conjured up the memories you'd been replaying in your head over and over again. Ballora embracing you in the dimness of her room, holding onto you as if you would disappear if she let up. Foxy's toothy smile as he procured a Funtime Foxy plush to keep you company. Even Freddy's giddy monologue as he absent-mindedly squeezed his arms around you.

They loved- liked you… didn't they? Maybe love was too strong of a word for only one meeting, but you had only met them the same night you decided to sleep with them. Your mind finally slowed down, any self-doubt being filed away for another time.

Love or not, you were going to make good of your promise. You opened your eyes as you took a deep breath, stars dancing across your vision because of your prior eye squeezing. This was your new life now, secret lewd relationships with robots and casual breaking and entering.

You slipped your phone into your backpack's side pocket, you'd come prepared this time with a blanket, some water, snacks, and your aforementioned funtime Foxy plushie.

With one last check in the mirror to make sure you looked your best, you inched towards Ballora's door, only stopping once you grasped the handle.

"This is a good idea, a great idea even!" You thought to yourself, blood pressure surely sky rocketing into unsafe levels as you slowly opened the door. Serene, classical music filled your ears and immediately put you at ease. You walked a couple more steps, eyes feverishly scanning for Ballora but her voice found you first,

"Y/N?" Her voice was an uncharacteristic whisper,"Is that you?" She had one foot on her stage, seemingly in the middle of getting on.

"Yes! Uh- I mean yes?" You awkwardly responded, an unintended shrill tone escaping you. Minireenas hurriedly teetered away in their ever cute fashion, thankfully taking your mind off of you already botching your greeting.

"S-Sorry I'm a little late I was-" An explanation was on the tip of your tongue, but Ballora's sudden rush towards you momentarily threw you off. In an honestly disturbing display of speed she made her way to your side, immediately scooping you up into the air with her arms under your armpits. A disgruntled squeak left your lips as she spun you around once, then twice, before hugging you close to her chest as laughter spilled from her lips.

"I-I-I thought you weren't coming! I was so worried that you'd leave us behind. That'd you f-forget about us!" Relief was all but palpable in her tone, clearly beyond herself with excitement, "B-But you're here! You're really here! My dearest y/n…"

Affection was oozing off of every word she spoke, such raw emotion cutting right through you. Your heart warmed with her caring sentiment but her tight bear hug was firmer than you'd like, constricting you to the point that you could barely breathe.

"Ballor-a? I can't- really breathe-" You felt bad not openly reassuring her, but you felt like she'd appreciate it if you didn't pass out on her. She let out a surprised noise, quickly releasing her grip and setting you on the ground.

"Ah! I apologize, I didn't mean to get so emotional" Ballora murmured, wiping her hands on her cloth skirt in an antsy motion. Her posture quickly turned dejected, faceplates shifting and face souring in tandem. A dull ache remained at your sides but you quickly ignored it,

"No! No please don't apologize, that was just a little too tight" You gazed worriedly at her closed eyes, arms moving to hug her waist,"I would never forget you Ballora, I'm sorry I made you feel like that" For the first time in your life you cursed the gods for not making you an optimal height for kissing animatronics, even on your tippy toes you barely even hit her chin.

A thankful smile pulled at her lips, you reached a hand up in an unusual show of confidence and gently guided her down to your level. You hesitantly slid your lips against hers, feeling the firm, cool metal against your softer human ones. Ballora's mouth was seemingly only specialized for mimicking realistic speaking, meaning that unfortunately for the both of you, fluid kissing was not possible.

Even then just the firm press of your lips to hers was enough to convey every reassurance you wanted to. You pulled away to gauge her reaction and make sure you hadn't overstepped. It seemed like quite the opposite was true, as Ballora smiled down with a giddy expression.

"Well aren't you a romantic honey? Thank you" You weren't quite sure if she was thanking you for the kiss or for the kind words you reciprocated, your mind too busy gazing at her teeth. Now that you were up close and personal you could see her seemingly human-in-shape teeth taper at the ends just enough to be noticeably sharp. A small shiver ripped through you at the thought of what those teeth could do,

"I would love to kiss you some more, hun but I do have to give you something" Ballora said, changing the subject and disentangling the two of you so she could twirl her way to her stage. You trailed behind, already needy and missing her warmth but still eagerly watching her blindly grope behind the drawn curtains beside her stage.

"Foxy helped me get this from the workers today, figured you'd might be interested sweetheart" She procures a piece of paper from its hiding spot, eagerly handing it to you in order to hear your reaction. The front read "Circus Baby's Pizza World" with a smaller "Help Wanted" just under it. Cutely drawn representations of the animatronics littered the page, pointing at the long list of jobs.

The starting pay of each job was an almost eye popping large amount, the lowest paying job paying more than double your current job. The icing on the cake was the sentence at the bottom "No Prior Job Experience Needed", a smile grazed your face as soon as you read the words.

"I assure you I'm not attempting to indoctrinate you," Ballora joked, "After this week, there's a good chance that they will be putting keycard locks for the nightshift, the easiest way for us to bypass this would be for you to be employed here! But if that's not favorable we could figure something else out dear, no worries''

"This is perfect! I'd love to work with you guys, I'm not sure if they'd actually hire me but I can try!" You said, excitement emanating from you.

"The whispers from the staff assure me that management is, quote, 'floundering for new hires' so while I may not be privy to the details, I can imagine someone as wonderful as you will be picked up in no time" Her hand found its way to your lower back, dangerously close to your butt (not that you minded). The reassuring pressure left your skin pleasantly buzzing, you busied yourself by flipping to the paper around.

A basic job application form with almost laughably low quality confetti in the background stared back at you, it couldn't be that easy right? A job this high tech wouldn't just have you fill out a form, there had to be a catch.

You bit your lip, what if they just didn't choose you? Your meager associates degree didn't even earn you anything above a grueling low paying office job, how the hell were you supposed to convince them to let you deal with such sophisticated animatronics?

You shouldn't have come back, you should have known that. Even if your intuition always tried to psych you out of everything you did, no matter how big or small, you knew better than to get your hopes up for something as good as the prospect of finally connecting with someone.

A small taste of copper exploded in your mouth, a direct result of your teeth overworking your lip. Despite the pain, you dig them in further as you try to think of anything to say.

"I'm sure you'll make the right decision" Ballora said unprompted, "I must say I've missed your voice, might we sit down and talk? How's that sound?" Without any eyesight she must have taken your silence as a cue to move on with the night. You were grateful for her stellar social skills, since they effectively pulled you out of your circling thoughts. You unlodged your teeth from your bloody lip,

"I'd love to, just- uh let me put my paper in my bag real quick" Your voice quivered a bit, as your anxieties still whispered in the back of your mind. Ballora either didn't notice your slight breakdown, or chose not to comment on it (both of which you were thankful for). She took a graceful step back, retracting her reassuring touch but allowing you space to get situated.

"I'm allowed to make decisions without thinking of every what if" You reminded yourself, kneeling down to delicately stuff the paper in your bag.

You really did almost not come back, your mind rationalizing the fact that what you were dealing with down here was completely and utterly out of your control. Yet your body ignored any and all rationalizing, waking you up in the middle of the night in a puddle of your own arousal at the fuzzy memory of cold metallic fingers dancing along your body.

You zipped your backpack up, noisily announcing that your task was done in order to notify Ballora, who in turn made a small nod in your direction. You could see the semblance of a smile grace her face as she turned to the nearest wall. You pushed your backpack so it leaned against the nearby stage, quickly clamoring onto your feet to follow her.

"Whatever happens will happen" At least you were wanted here (which really couldn't be said for anywhere else you went sadly). But hell if you weren't going to make the most from it. You watched eagerly as Ballora carefully maneuvered herself into sitting against the wall, metal screeching as she finally hit the floor.

"I'm… not so graceful when it comes to sitting. Us animatronics really were only made to stand" Ballora joked, a refined giggle lacing her words. She seemed a bit bashful at her lack of elegance but continued on anyway, patting her lap invitingly.

"I think you're always graceful Ballora" You answered, sweetening up your tone to an artificial level. You carefully lifted one of your legs over her stretched out ones, and carefully lowered yourself into her lap.

"I'm glad you think so, but be careful darling, all that flattering you're doing might get you more than what you bargained for" Ballora wasted no time, as soon as you completely sat your weight on her she let her hands roam free. Her long, segmented fingers found their way to your face.

Closing your eyes, you obediently stayed still while you let Ballora trace her finger tips over your features. She took in all the information she could, the height of your cheekbones, the roundness of your closed eyelids, the slope of your nose, only slowing when she pressed a thumb against your lips.

"You're quite beautiful y/n," Ballora murmured, "Times like these really make me jealous of the others, I bet you make such cute faces while we defile you" Your face broke out in a blush, response getting caught in your throat as she gingerly pressed her thumb past your lips. Almost on instinct, your tongue flicked up to meet it. You weren't sure if you were disappointed or relieved that you couldn't taste anything, but at the very least the cold metal was a pleasing sensation against your tongue.

"Good girl~" The praise spilled from Balloras lips with a playful lilt, your tongue stopping its minute kitten licks as a whine unwittingly pushed its way out of your chest. Your eyes snapped open, embarrassment flooding your system at your involuntary reaction. Ballora, ever unphased by anything, has a pleased smile on her face.

"Now that's the reaction I was hoping for darling" she cooed, free hand wandering down the column of your throat. You had half a mind to pull back from the overwhelming mix of touch but in a swift purposeful move her other hand had made it down to your hip, stalling your squirming. You hadn't even noticed you were moving until she stopped you, your mind running a mile a minute and not getting a break as Ballora pressed your tongue down firmly.

"If you'd like to stop, just tap my wrist, okay?" You did your best to nod around her digit, "Let's keep at this, I think this is going just great" She leaned in to press a firm kiss against your hairline as her thumb got to work lazily petting your tongue until spit bubbled out the sides of your mouth.

Ballora rocked her thigh up just enough to press against your clothed mound, and you immediately knew you were done for. With a thumb in your mouth, an insistent pressure between your legs, and a hand that somehow snuck its way under your sweater any coherent thought was quickly squashed to make room for your growing libido.

"I can see the appeal of being inside someone now, shame only the boys get to" Ballora spoke in a nonchalant tone, cocking her head slightly at the choked noise you made. Only it wasn't just a choked noise, your knee-jerk reaction to the upsettingly hot comment was to inhale which quickly turned into you actually choking on your own spit. You quickly lean backwards, heaving slightly as you almost cough your lungs out.

"Too much?" Ballora asks as her hand not covered in spit pats your back, you take a second to even out your breaths before answering.

"No, just-" You wipe your mouth and let out one more cough, "I was just a little surprised 's all" Your embarrassment only worked to darken the flush on your cheeks, all the coughing didn't gross her out did it?

"Sorry, sorry" The hand on your back urges you forwards, "What if I make it up to you? Hm? How's that sound princess?" Her cloyingly sweet tone calms your nerves,

"Yeah, I'd like that…" You whispered quietly, allowing yourself to be coaxed forward. You leaned your weight against her chest, unabashedly nuzzling into her smooth neck. Reveling in the shudder she gave in response to the touch, you wrap your arms around her torso.

"Sweet thing, and here I thought you wanted to take a breather" Balora teased while easing her left hand, still tacky with spit, under your skirt. "And for the record I wasn't joking about wanting to be inside you~" Now that you didn't have a foreign object in your mouth you could successfully give a sharp inhale, no choking involved.

"Foxy's the only one with custom parts, though with some convincing I could probably get either of them to swap with me" Probing fingers massaged the meat of your thigh, and you have to settle the adrenaline in your veins to form a response.

"Custom… parts?"

"Oh yes, they didn't build Foxy that pretty on accident" Ballora elaborated, "Though I do admit we did help each other from time to time, we haven't done much experimenting, well, not before you came honey" That certainly got your attention, wiggling in her lap as her fingers finally grazed where you needed them.

"Cute~" the simple comment combined with her free hand effortlessly lifting your hips just enough to where she could press against you drew a needy noise out of you.

“When you say helping each other you mean…?” You had to ask because she couldn’t possibly be implying what you thought she was, in the back of your mind you were vaguely aware that she had rendered you incapable of speaking more than half a sentence.

“Well, after a certain adorable human snuck her way into our hearts it opened a new…” Her fingers nonchalantly snuck their way into your panties, “world of possibilities for us. We are children’s entertainers at heart, but a night like that after months of inactivity is hard to move past.” Your ears burned with embarrassment, partly relieved that you weren’t the only one that was deeply affected by what transpired. Her chilled fingertips busied themselves by ghosting over your clit before smoothing over your folds,

”But that’s enough about us, tell me y/n, did you miss us too?” Ballora mused, digits now moving in a smooth, languid motion only aided by your slick.

Of course you missed them, how could you not? You’d replay that night over and over again in your brain almost obsessively, every detail searing itself into your brain. At night when you were just trying to catch a wink of sleep, in the morning while you robotically went through your pre-work routine, in the evening while you drove home. Nearly every moment you were left to your devices was filled with the knowledge that not only did you technically trespass on a newly opening business, but also had two rounds of sex with the performing animatronics while in constant peril.

The insanity of losing your virginity at a pizzeria chain only squandered by the pure lust that surged through you at the reminder that you in fact lost your virginity, that someone (something? Do animatronics count as people?) in fact wanted to have sex with you. And being wanted was one of the most addicting feelings you’ve ever felt.

”Of course I missed you guys,” You sighed blissfully, “It was -ah- crazy hard to even sleep-“ An incessant nudge against your entrance made your words taper off as more sounds tumbled off your tongue.

“Oh?” Ballora’s tone took a dangerously raspy edge, “Don’t tell me you were touching yourself to the thought of us, naughty girl”

”N-No, it was- just” One of her fingers teasingly threatening to press inside momentarily distracted you, “Dreams..? I’ve never been good at- by myself-“

”By yourself?” She prompted, her fingers stilling being both a blessing and curse.

“Y’know- uh getting myself off? At least wh-en I’m awake” God, you were really telling her about that huh? You guessed that people who were intimate with each other talked about this kind of stuff.

”Hmmmm~” Her pointer finger eased itself halfway inside you, “Poor thing, you must’ve been so pent up huh? Glad we could help you even when we’re apart. You said dreams?” Each time she prompted you to talk was surely taking years off of your life, you clenched up uselessly around her unmoving digit.

”Ballora- please just? Move?” You pleaded, thighs tensing as you attempted to shift in any way, only to be reminded of her iron hold on your hips.

”You get pretty spacey when I move, princess. I’m helping you out a little, making it easy. Why don’t you tell me about those dreams?” You let out a peeved puff of air, but obliged.

”It wasn’t anything crazy, just…” You said, trying to find the right words. “You -ngh!- guys kept showing up in my dreams? I’d wake up all- gross and sweaty.” That seemed to be what Ballora was looking for if the way she brought you impossibly closer and nuzzled your temple was anything to go by. Her warm breath puffed around the shell of your ear, making you shiver but quickly still when her lips inched close.

”Your body knows it’s ours.” Sharp teeth gingerly closed around your ear, ever mindful not to maim; just to impose their presence. “You’re wonderful Y/N~ You came back to me like the good girl I knew you were, and now I can bring your dreams into reality. Is there anything in particular you’d like, princess?”

“Anything- Everything? Please?” You didn’t even know what you were trying to say, only desperate to say the right things to get her hands fawning over you again. Your dreams more often than not delved into a too-deep-and-fucked-up territory you would rather not vocalize nor realize.

Ballora’s smooth chuckle calmed any remaining nerves, the muscles in your body singing as her hand got back to work; The finger inside of you effortlessly sliding completely into your welcoming heat while her thumb blindly felt its way up to your clit. While your immediate impulse was to shift, you were stopped by the smallest pinpricks of pain blooming as her teeth bared down,

”Careful dear, I might hurt you if you squirm too much.” Ballora practically purred. You made a vaguely understanding noise, doing your best to quell your nerves and not move. Another correct response got you another one of her fingers, their lazy movement making your head spin.

”Ballora?” Her name left your lips before you could stop it, spoken just between a gasp and whine. The teeth on your ears again dug in just enough to make you jolt before releasing, Ballora smoothed over the warm sting with feather-light kisses.

”Yes, honey?” Now that the threat of having a chunk of your ear be ripped off was less of an immediate concern, your hips eagerly angled so you could manipulate her fingers to hit the bundle of nerves inside of you that they seemed to be avoiding. You earned yourself a couple toe-curling zaps of pleasure until the hand on your hip gave a squeeze in warning.

”Naughty, what were you saying Y/N?” Her tone had just enough edge to make you regulate the overwhelming urge to implore her to move any faster.

”Um- I was thinking I could uh-“ Your voice shook, unused to asking for something so openly. “I could help you? We could finish together?” You leaned back so you could see her reaction clearer, not missing the way her fingers yet again slowed to a halt. Ballora’s faceplates shifted with a noise, a separate audible hiss of warm air escaping from somewhere sounded with it.

You couldn’t tell if that was a good or bad thing, eyes still scanning her face as it pinched up with something you couldn’t decipher. Did you mess up the moment? Your hands trembled as you gripped her shoulders, brain already attempting to conjure up an apology for even asking. Of course she didn’t want your inexperienced hands on her, she didn’t offer for a reason and you just had to open your big mouth- A indulging smile spread on her lips, cutting through your small freak out over her perceived rejection.

”You want to make me feel good too princess?” She cooed, bringing her unoccupied hand to cup the back of your head and press a lingering kiss on your lips. “My perfect little girl is so considerate~” Your whole body jolted at the surge of praise, the warm feeling filling your lower belly only fueled by her fingers reanimating at a brutal pace.

”I’m perfectly content with just helping you out right now darling, nothing against you; I usually seldom indulge myself, direct pleasure can be a tad too overwhelming for me usually so if you’d let me feed off of yours this time I’ll keep your offer in mind for the future” Ballora traced warm kisses down your chin with unprecedented speed, leaving your mind reeling at the addicting onslaught of attention. All your inhibitions melted with every curl and pump of her fingers.

“Pretty little thing’s gonna come so quickly~” Your body instinctively curled into her, “Maybe I should drive things out even further…”

“Please!” Was the only pitiful response you could muster up, already so worked up that you believed her obvious bluff. Ballora soothed your outburst with spindle-like teeth pressed gingerly against the skin of your neck,

”Ok~ You’re awfully needy Y/N~” She said. You gasped as she quickly withdrew her fingers from you,

“I really would like more time for the two of us~ I should just tie you up and keep you in here with me, then I wouldn’t have to share” A protest died on your lips as three digits were practically shoved back into you.

”But that would be greedy of me unfortunately, I’ll just have to settle for giving you the best orgasms out of the group” Her casual, sincere way of talking lulled you into a warm sea of pleasure. She rendered you into a human puddle in her hold as you surrendered to her syrupy sweet words of affirmation.

Muscles aching from the way you wildly tensed up as she abused your sweet spot, head swimming as you felt overwhelming pressure curl in your gut every time her thumb worked at your clit; And even her teeth did their show of digging in just enough to make your skin crawl, was more than enough for Ballora to make good of her promise of making you have a world-resetting orgasm. You took big heaving breaths to try to keep yourself from becoming any more boneless, resting your entire weight on Ballora as tremors overtook your body.

You barely registered her words of vague praise, more focused on the way she slowly extracted her hand from inside your underwear- and by proxy yourself. Her now free hands had free reign to lovingly pet along your thighs,

“I’m guessing that was good?” She murmured kindly.

“Mmmm”

“I’ll take that as a yes” Her warm laugh washed over you, pleasant and somewhat tinny as it always was. Your arms wrapped around her neck again, a welcomed feeling of calm making you giddy enough to press appreciative kisses on whatever metal-plastic-skin-stuff of hers you could reach.

”Foxy and Freddy should be expecting us soon.”

“Can we relax for a bit?” You asked, not feeling up to moving any time soon.

”Of course, darling~ Any more time I get to keep you to myself is time I will never take for granted. I never was good at sharing”

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