#amanda writes fanfiction

[tinknevertalks]

Roll up! Roll up! It's that time of year again: the nights are longer, it's all feeling colder, and the shops are all trying to sell you stuff. But here in the Sanctuary side of fandom, it's the start of the festive fic exchange!

Do you like writing fic?

Do you like reading fic?

Do you like putting unnecessary stress on yourself to make a wonderful gift for someone, just to have half of the fandom turn around and say, "Aaaaaaah, that's exactly what I needed to read right now?"*

Then this is the fic exchange for you! Today's post is the sign up post. Under the cut will be a list of questions. All you have to do is send me either a DM or an ask with your completed questionnaire then wait for your match!

Schedule!

Sign up: 21st Nov - 5th Dec

Matches sent out by 7th Dec

Touching base post: 20th Dec**

Collection open for posting: 26th Dec

Collection reveal: 31st Dec

This is open to anyone in the Sanctuary fandom, regardless of character/shipping preferences. When it comes to fic length, the minimum is 300 words. I don't really wanna give a max (because I know how the muse can get sometimes), but if we cap it around the 2k words mark that should be cool.***

I'll be posting a link to this around the place (and reblogging again this evening for the later crew), and you are more than welcome to message/contact me with any questions, queries or concerns.

Under the cut: the questions!

Username on Tumblr/AO3: (I need a method of contacting you 😊. If you have neither, pop me your email or something? We'll figure it out.)

Things I am comfortable writing: (gen or shippy? Fluff writer or angst? Family feels?)

Things I would not want to write about: (all the things you don't wanna write - characters you dislike, pairings you don't vibe with etc. Also heads up on any triggers you might have - you don't need to explain the whys.)

What I'd like to receive: (go for gold! The more info you can give, the more tailored to you the fic will be.)

What I would not like to receive: (All the things that you do not vibe with, or squick you. Please please please again with any trigger warnings - I don't want a gift to upset you. 😊)

Any other info that doesn't fit in the other questions: (General vibes, could you be a pinch hitter, any thoughts, questions, etc)

--

And that's that. 😊 Thank you for joining in, and see you December 7th with your matches!

*You can answer no to this one - it's just how I am when it comes to these things. XD

**If you find you can't finish, or something comes up that means you have to pull out, please let me know so I can arrange a pinch hitter. I won't be angry or disappointed or anything because this is for fun, and your health (mental and/or physical) is more important.

**Obviously, if you find you go over a bit, don't freak out or anything. This is just for fun, after all.

#sanctuary #fanfiction #fic exchange #sanctuary festive fic exchange #sffe #helen magnus #nikola tesla #henry foss #will zimmerman #teslen #magnitt #john druitt #james watson #sanctuary (syfy) #amanda tapping #gen fic welcome! #shippy fic welcome! #crack ships welcome! #family feels welcome! #i'm on a bus so i was able to write/post this XD

[rqgnarok]

leave a light on - nolan price

prequel for love you better now, but can be read individually

fandom: law & order, law & order special victims unit

wc: 4,735

warnings: canon presence of injuries, blood, violence, weapons, and hospitals. female reader.

summary: nolan's wife gets shot. he tries and fails to deal with that.

author's note below! masterlist / ko-fi / ao3

Nolan misses Liv’s call thrice before he calls for a recess.

The first two he’s stuck cross-examining the DA’s witness and he doesn’t realize how many times Liv has tried to get him on the phone until the third time she calls. He can’t answer, obviously– Judge MacNamara is lenient but not enough for Nolan to take a call in the middle of the day– but the call goes to voicemail and his screen lights up with Liv’s other attempts to reach him.

He immediately knows it’s bad. And he immediately knows it’s about his wife.

His chest constricts with his panic, breath catching and refusing to enter his lungs as his brain tries to catch up to the situation. The courtroom is suddenly too small and suffocating, his tie a noose around his neck.

It takes McNamara calling his name several times and the DA snidely wondering if the defense needs a minute for Nolan to somewhat snap out of it, pressing on Liv’s contact before the judge finishes adjourning for the day.

“Nolan,” she says, shaky. 

Not Price, which is what he’d expect from his wife’s coworker. They’re all friends, sure, but during work hours they fall into the habit of keeping everyone at arm’s length. Not right now, for some reason, and Nolan is tiptoeing the line between fine and about to crumble on the courthouse steps from a knock-out panic attack. 

“What happened?” Because something must’ve happened. His wife has one of the most dangerous jobs out there, life-endangering experiences being the norm and coming home not-dead being a good day. But if Liv is calling– if Liv is calling and (Y/N) isn’t…

Nolan has been psyching himself up for this day since (Y/N) first told him about joining the police academy. He’s still somehow not ready. 

He will never be ready for this. 

Olivia hesitates for a second too long and Nolan’s fear gets the best of him. “Olivia. What happened?”

Her voice cracks at (Y/N)’s name. Nolan grips his briefcase so tightly on the way to the hospital that his hand goes numb, nails digging into the skin of his palm until it’s red and tender. 

The knot of anxiety in his belly doesn’t unclench despite the quick, easy ride to the hospital. New York traffic seems to be doing him a favor, but it isn’t the physical distance he’s worried about. That one at least he’s able to cross. There’s nothing he can do if his wife is… if she…

Nolan finds a sea of cops and NYPD blue as soon as he crosses the threshold into Bellevue, worried and talking over each other as they watch over one of their injured own. None of them are familiar faces and his panic increases tenfold, the sound of his heartbeat in his ears drowning out doctors, officers, and detectives. 

Suddenly, the sea of people parts for her, and Olivia is in his line of sight, giving Nolan’s brain something to focus on other than the never-ending possibilities of what he might be facing here. She looks disheveled, shirt askew and vest still halfway on; her hair out of place, and her expression haunted, but no blood. There’s no blood on her and it's an important distinction for Nolan to make when she seizes his free hand in hers.

“Nolan,” she says, and her voice sounds like static, just like it did on the phone. It isn’t the line but Nolan’s brain filled with noise, like cotton in his ears and mouth and eyes stopping him from receiving the world clearly. “Nolan, are you okay?”

“What happened?” he asks again. Liv hadn’t explained, not really. She only told him that (Y/N) was hurt and they were taking her to Bellevue. You should come too, she’d said, and should had sounded more like need, which did nothing to soothe Nolan’s raising hackles.

Nolan’s breath stutters. He knows what happened, but he can’t comprehend it. The hand holding his briefcase is shaking. He asks once more when Liv only blinks at him, mouth open and no words coming out. “What happened?”

“We were chasing a suspect via foot,” and Nick’s there, too, by Liv’s side, like an apparition Nolan might’ve conjured. His brows are furrowed, jaw tense. “We caught him mid-rape and separated to cover more ground. No one had mentioned a gun during their disclosures, he wasn’t supposed to be armed.”

“(Y/N) caught up to him first,” Liv continues, voice dry, shaking her head. “He– Shots went off but we didn’t know– he must’ve known we were onto him. Got his hands on a gun after the first wave of assaults.”

Nolan bites the inside of his cheek. He tastes blood and thinks of his wife, and stops.  

“She was alone for two minutes tops,” Nolan wonders if Liv thinks she’s being reassuring. “She’d been shot, we called a bus right away.”

“Where?” Nolan asks tightly.

Liv blinks. Nick answers, “What?”

“Where, where in her body was she shot, how–” he struggles for a full breath and only comes out half successful. “How bad is it?”

Silence. 

“Did you– did you not see her?” he wonders, biting. Nolan turns back and forth between his wife’s coworkers, losing his patience. “Were you there, was she– Jesus, Liv, how bad is it?”

“The bullet hit her chest,” Nolan loses all fiery, defensive passion right then and there. His own heart stops for a second, or at least that’s what it feels like when his chest is engulfed by a pressing ache that numbs him all over. 

“They took her straight into surgery,” Nick continues when Nolan doesn’t say anything to that, unable to leave his partner to the wolves. “Liv rode with her in the ambulance but there wasn’t– it’s in their hands now. They’re taking care of her, pal, okay? She’s getting help.”

Where was the help when she was alone chasing after a fucking criminal, where the hell were you, huh he wants to say; wants to shout and curse and point and make a scene, but the words get stuck in his throat and in the next blink he finds himself seated in the waiting room, still surrounded by cops.

God, Nolan thinks, pressing his fingers to his tightly closed lids. When, in their fifteen years of knowing each other, could he have seen this coming? The bright-eyed, furiously righteous kid halfway through law school and the pretty girl who took one of his classes as an elective, only to completely destroy one of his classmates during a debate that made up half their grade.

Nolan had watched, mouth barely open in amazement as quiet, back-of-the-class (Y/N) didn’t flinch while delivering the final blow and bringing her team to victory. She snuck out before he could talk to her– do something stupid like congratulate her with stars in his eyes and an invitation for coffee on his tongue, but it didn’t matter.

It didn’t matter because the next weekend his roommate dragged him to a party and she was there, she was everywhere now that Nolan was unconsciously looking out for her. He ran into her in the hallways from one class to another, in the library, at parties and restaurants. It was like the world was screaming at him here! Here, look this way! Here it is, the rest of your life waiting for you! All you gotta do is look! 

He’d been there for hours already, bored and annoyed out of his mind when he saw her across the room. After nursing the same red cup of warm beer and looking at his watch every couple of minutes, calculating the appropriate time to bail he saw her. She’d been leaning against a wall, her expression changing from concealed humor to disbelief to a laugh that had her hiding behind her hand, entertained by whoever she’d been speaking to.

Who it was, Nolan doesn’t remember. He doesn’t even think about the cliche of it all, how the world faded when their eyes locked across the room and (Y/N) gave him a smile, shy, shrugging and turning back to her conversation. 

The funny pressure on his chest didn’t dissipate when he finally got a chance to exchange words with her. After the final exam, Nolan left the lecture hall and sat heavily on a bench by the door, catching his breath from the adrenaline of a month worth of study finally being over. 

(Y/N) was there, too, smiling sheepishly up at him as she crouched against the wall, elbows on her knees. Her expression brims with shy recognition as she nods. “How’d you do?”

She was talking about the exam. Nolan’s embarrassed to this day by the time it took for him to catch up. His cheeks were flushed when he answered. “I’m, uh, not flushing out yet, I hope.”

“You don’t sound too sure.”

“Ask me after I’ve slept some 12 hours,” he sighed, messing nervously with his hair. “Things usually seem less dire by then.”

“Would some coffee do the trick?” and Nolan didn’t know it then, but (Y/N) was nervous, bravery swelling inside her chest as she asked him for the first day of the rest of their lives. In the end, she’d been the one to catch up to all the signs, all the serendipitous opportunities to finally end up where they were supposed to. 

“Coffee can work,” Nolan, young and eager, said slowly. He couldn’t stop grinning, high with lack of sleep and the attention of a pretty girl. “You’re buying?”

“It’s only fair,” she shrugged, but there was something giddy about her expression that he still sees in her face to this day sometimes, bright and young. “You look like you’re about to drop dead.”

“And I still seem like worthy company?”

“I think we can pull a few good hours out of you yet,” a few hours, a few years; Nolan will be as sleepless as he was then on his wedding day out of pure excitement. They’ll have spent the night before the ceremony talking on the phone while they slept in separate rooms because their friends are sentimental little fucks like that and wouldn’t let him even kiss her goodbye before the big day. 

He’d described the few hours apart as agony in his vows, had made the crowd laugh and (Y/N) cry with the sentiment, and he wishes he hadn’t now. He shouldn’t have said a damned thing, shouldn’t have manifested any sort of agony into their lives because now the illusion cuts off sharply, and then he’s back in the waiting room, a nurse calling (Y/N)’s name while he plays with his wedding ring and bites the inside of his cheek, staring blankly into the hallway. 

Liv’s still there for some reason, as are some other officers and Amaro, while the others hunt down the man who landed their friend in the hospital. Munch had snapped at the Captain when he told him he couldn’t stay. Fin had to lead Amanda out of the hospital by the shoulders, too stricken to do it herself. 

Liv and Amaro stand when they hear the nurse but it takes Nolan a few moments to gather himself back together enough to pay attention. She tells them, gently, “She’s out of surgery. She lost a lot of blood, but only some of the bullet’s fragments hit her heart. It was touch and go but the doctor was able to extract all of them.”

Nolan’s lungs open up and he gets the first full breath washing over his body since Liv called. He must make a sound, because the attention in the room shifts to him, suffocating and inquisitive. His vision blurs for a second, not because of tears but adrenaline, his heartbeat pumping in his ears.

“She’s extremely lucky,” she continues, and she’s looking right at Nolan when she says this, like it's supposed to help. Like that’s what luck means, almost-but-not-quite bleeding out while your heart is stitched up back together. “Most people with injuries like this don’t even make it past the ambulance.”

Nolan closes his eyes in anguish. He presses his closed fists against his forehead, elbows on his knees, back hunched. It’s almost like he’s trying to disappear into himself, away from the image of an ambulance opening its doors when arriving at the hospital only to be met with his flatlining wife, the sound echoing through his brain and overriding every other of his senses.  

“There’s still a long way to go,” she continues, softer, realizing she’s hit a nerve. She turns to Liv and Nick, who are paying rapt attention even as Nick walks close to him to put a hand on Nolan’s shoulder, tight and steady. “She won’t wake up anytime soon. Her body needs rest and to recuperate from the most acute of her injuries. And the doctor would like to talk about next steps once she does.”

Next steps, Nolan thinks. Next steps, the only next steps he’s aware of are those that lead to his wife, the nurse walking him to her room. Olivia and Amaro trail behind him like a couple of guard dogs, standing alert for any sign of Nolan backing out or collapsing into his grief.

He just might. He feels queasy, nauseous with exhaustion and worry. But then he sees his wife, and, really, nothing else matters. 

“Sweetheart,” he says, devastated, walking to her bed across the hospital room. “Oh, honey.”

Despite his eagerness to touch her, Nolan flails when (Y/N)’s finally within arms reach. She looks asleep for one blissful, hopeful moment, but then Nolan blinks and the light settles; the ashiness of her skin, the uncomfortable placing of her body, the blank expression devoid of dreams or nightmares or consciousness. 

He’d usually be embarrassed to have a witness to such a personal display of affection, but not even Liv and Nick standing tall at the door can stop Nolan from eventually cupping (Y/N)’s face in his hands and kissing the apple of her cheek, lingering and gentle. He’s afraid of touching the rest of her, of jostling her too badly, but the steady noise of the heart rate monitor is a constant, loud reminder that (Y/N) won’t fall apart that easily.

Liv and Nick linger behind him, talking quietly amongst themselves in sharp whispers. It might or might not be an argument, and in Nolan’s mind it feels like both an eternity and a couple of seconds. He would kick them out if he could gather the energy to care about it. Eventually, Benson takes a few apprehensive steps into the room, seemingly having lost whatever fight she and her partner were having. 

“We’re on our way out,” she murmurs. “There’s a lead on our guy, the Captain’s calling us all back to the precinct. But if there’s anything…”

She trails off. Nolan doesn’t answer, studies instead the bridge of (Y/N)’s nose and the shape of her eyebrows, tries to count her eyelashes and catalog the bruises on her face. Liv sighs defeatedly and reaches for him.  

“Whatever you need,” Liv says firmly with a hand on his arm. Still, her steady presence is undermined by the way she keeps looking at (Y/N) like she’s already attending a funeral. Nolan suddenly can’t stand her, even if she rode the ambulance with (Y/N) to the hospital and kept her semi-conscious until the doctors took her off her hands. “We’re here for you, alright? All of us, Nolan. I’m serious.”

“Thanks,” he says, voice rough and cracked from swallowing down his panic and tears. He clears his throat but it does little to clear up his words. “Thank you, Liv. For everything.”

Her lips tighten in an unpleased line, but she nods and leaves the room with one last squeeze to his shoulder. He’s being ungrateful, the fact doesn’t escape him. Liv’s the one who found her, who held her hand in the ambulance before they drove her off to surgery. Nolan owes Benson his life.

The thought alone makes him so nauseous he has to clench his eyes shut, jaw tight, entire body trembling. God, what would he have done? What will he do, if something happens to (Y/N)? She isn’t out of the woods yet and if something goes wrong, if her body decides to cave in, if the wound gets infected, if there’s something they didn’t catch, if, if, if, if–

He lifts his head and catches his wife’s face, lax and motionless. Once again, the panic settles. He hasn’t gotten the chance to let it unfold the way it needs to. 

“I finally got you on your own,” Nolan says, soft, careful not to disturb the semblance of peace in the room. (Y/N) doesn’t answer, no matter how badly Nolan wants her to. “You’re very popular. A tough one to find these days, you know.”

She wasn’t even supposed to be in today. Cragen had called mere hours after they’d gone to bed– at the same time for the first time in weeks– and Nolan had done his best to stay up after the phone rang and (Y/N) began quickly getting ready. She’d kneeled next to his side of the bed and Nolan had leaned in to kiss her without thought, an automatic notion he wishes he’d paid more attention to now. 

I’ll call you when I can, she nudged her nose against his temple before pressing a kiss there. Nolan had already been half asleep at that point. Love you.

Love you back, Nolan mumbled, jutting his chin forward blindly. One more. 

He continues as if (Y/N) had spoken. “You’ve got half of the NYPD out there waiting on you. The nurses are rioting, but I don’t think anyone’ll leave until you wake up.”

Nolan’s voice loses the battle, it breaks right at the end of his sentence and so does his composure, eyes burning with tears that for some goddamned reason just won’t fall.

“Please,” he begs to the sky, to God, to no one. “Please, please, please. Wake up.”

He presses his forehead to his wife’s limp hand maybe a little too harshly. Even if the skin is cold and her grip is nonexistent, the relief the touch brings Nolan has him sobbing.

An hour ago she was in surgery, out of reach and sight even if she was already getting help.

Three hours ago she was bleeding out in some alleyway in Queens, struggling for her radio to call for help. Seven hours ago she was kissing him goodbye, smiling against his mouth despite the dark nature of the sudden case because Nolan kept pulling her in for one more kiss.

One more, one more, one more, his pleads begs now. Wake up and give me one more, sweetheart, come on now.

“Please, honey,” he whispers, wet and nasal with emotion. “I’m not ready for this. I’m not ready yet, I didn’t– I don’t–”

The words don’t come. Nolan chokes, holds (Y/N)’s hand in his own, and breathes, breathes, and breathes. 

—

Life moves on. 

Nolan doesn’t cry. God knows why, but he can’t, his body on automatic while his mind solely focuses on (Y/N)’s condition. The nurses know him by name and he makes record time to the apartment and back to the hospital for showers and quick naps, some food for the little appetite he has. 

He doesn’t even think to be offended when his boss places him on indefinite leave. Nolan can’t bring himself to care, he would’ve stacked up every sick day and vacation time available to stay at (Y/N)’s side as much as he could anyway. 

The squad offers to stand guard almost daily, which Nolan appreciates, but his object permanence has gone to shit. Whenever he doesn’t have eyes on (Y/N) his panic rises again like a tidal wave, never quite crashing but dwindling whenever he sits next to her at the hospital, hand on her ankle or arm or somewhere he can easily look for her pulse, weak but steady. 

It’s desperate, he knows, and more than a little pathetic, but Nolan feels like he’s allowed. Until (Y/N) wakes up to tell him he’s been worrying over nothing he will do as he pleases.

He talks to her. It’s another coping method that borders on delusion but no one has called him out of it yet. Not even Liv and Amaro, who have caught him more than once speaking quietly into the lull of the hospital room, holding his wife’s hand and drawing soothing motions with his thumb against her skin.

Mom drove into the steps again. The ones in the driveway? They were already loose from last time and now she has Dad driving through every Home Depot in North Carolina to find the right match. 

Jill sends her best. Last time I saw her she was talking my ear off about her kid’s college fund. Apparently her husband lost half of it during Tuesday night with the boys, whatever that means.

Munch says he owes you 20 bucks from the Giants game from two weeks ago? Which is weird, because you haven’t watched a full game since, like, ‘02. Not like you’re missing anything, but still, your accuracy to outsmart Munch in his own line of work is pretty outstanding. 

It helps. Or it helps enough; whenever he ventures over what they’ll do once she’s awake and at home together the illusion breaks and so does Nolan’s voice. He trails off, feeling foolish, the weight of his delusion pressing on his chest.    

“It’s not silly,” Munch tells him during one of his visits, the book he’s been reading to (Y/N) resting on his lap. “It’s helpful and it doesn’t hurt anyone. You’re talking to your wife. If I’d done more of that back in my day then maybe I’d still be married.”

“To which one?” Nolan asks, his lips tingling with the want to almost smile.

Munch points at him as if saying yahtzee. “Exactly.”

He’s so sure it calms Nolan more than you’d expect. So far Munch is the only other person who talks about (Y/N) like she’s still alive and thus, the only one who doesn’t make inexplicable helpless rage wash over Nolan whenever they’re in the same room. 

He’s the one with him when (Y/N) wakes. She does so in a panic, waking Nolan up from his uncomfortable sleep in the chair next to her bed. It’s a sudden flail after another as her heart rate monitor goes crazy and she doesn’t answer any call of her name, terrified and in pain.

It’s awful. Nolan doesn’t think he’ll ever forget how she almost tears at her stitches mid her panic while doctors and nurses gather around her and kick Nolan out with quick accuracy. There’s nothing he can do to help and he knows it, but he’s never supposed to be in a position in which he can’t help her.

He’s doomed to watch from a glass window, helpless, as his wife suffers without anyone to reach out to.  

She woke up but had to be sedated, a nurse tells him after, it’s normal for patients to be unaware of their surroundings after waking up from long periods of unconsciousness. We still haven’t been able to determine neurological damage, so we’ll have to wait until it wears off. 

“Kid, kid, hey,” Munch says, oddly alarmed after coming back from the cafeteria with two coffees and finding Nolan sitting outside (Y/N)’s room, crying into his knees. “What’s wrong, what happened? I was gone for fifteen minutes–”

Nolan tries to explain but the words get caught up in his throat, his grief taking over his sense of logic. She woke up, he meant to say. She woke up and she didn’t know where she was and I stood by like an idiot to watch her suffer. 

After he’s talked down from a panic attack he says, voice a mere croak. “She woke up. They don’t know– but she woke up.”

Munch sighs, visibly relieved as he squats next to Nolan, squeezing his shoulder in support. “Good. That’s good, hey– Nolan. That’s good, okay? That’s one step closer to getting her back. This is good.”

He repeats those words to himself like a mantra. This is good, this is good, this is good, and doesn’t dare to close his eyes for something other than blinking until (Y/N)’s conscious. It’s hours later, deep into the night when she opens her eyes again, groggy and disoriented, blinking into the dark hospital room. 

“Honey,” he says, quiet and so, so relieved. (Y/N) doesn’t appear to hear him and a flash of fear seizes his heart. He presses the button and calls for a nurse, edging closer to the bed. “(Y/N/N). Hey, honey, you with me?”

Arduously slowly, (Y/N) follows the sound of his voice. She blinks at him, gulping and saying, dry as the Sahara. “Nole.”

It’s the most glorious thing he’s ever heard. The smile that pulls at his mouth is unconscious, ripped from him almost against his will. He goes to touch her face, hands shaky and reverent. “Yeah. Yeah, sweetheart, it’s me.”

He offers her a drink and grips her hand all through the nurse’s examination, which she passes with flying colors. While she’s tinkering with her IV, (Y/N) asks him, “Bellevue?”

“Yeah,” he says grimly, thumb rubbing soothing motions against her skin, trying to infuse some warmth. 

“Shot?” she wonders next.

Nolan hesitates. “You don’t remember?”

“Guessin’,” she slurs, tired, blinks getting longer each time she closes her eyes. 

The nurse pipes up then with the same explanations she’s given Nolan the past few weeks: the bullet to her heart, the long-lasting surgery, and the even longer coma. (Y/N) nods in all the right places but her head rests against the pillow and her expression remains blank, like she’s not retaining any information.

“Anyone… else?” she asks.

“No,” Nolan responds, watching how tension falls off her frame when he confirms this fact. He wishes he felt the same, a selfish part of him wishes it had been someone else; Liv or Amaro or Fin here in this hospital bed instead of his wife. It’s true, even if the thought is followed by guilt. “No, everyone’s fine, honey. Working their asses off and worried out of their minds, but okay. It’s just you.”

(Y/N) hums and then promptly falls back asleep, breaths settling into an even rhythm. It’s then that his eyes water and his tears fall on the scratchy hospital sheets where (Y/N) lays.  Oh, Nolan thinks, almost surprised by them. So this is what it takes.  

Nolan bows his head and lets himself cry in silence. His breath keeps hitching, and the nauseating feeling of panic he’s been nursing for weeks finally explodes. He can’t feel his hands and feet, body numb all over. 

The next time he looks up, hours later, is because (Y/N)’s reaching to touch his face, tender and shaky. He snaps to attention like a soldier called to his battalion, but there’s no trouble chasing after them, no bad thing happening for once. They’re okay, alone and safe in her hospital room while nurses and doctors and visitors keep passing by just outside the door.

“You haven’t slept,” (Y/N) croaks out as she drops her hand from where she’d been gently pressing at the bags under Nolan’s eyes, tired from that simple movement. Her chest rises and falls with breaths that are a little too labored, but her eyes are fixed on her husband, worried. “Nole.”

It almost makes him smile: (Y/N) worrying about other people while she lies with a hole in her heart on a hospital bed. Nolan would laugh if he were sure it wouldn’t immediately turn into crying again, but there’s nothing funny about this. Nothing.

“‘m alright,” he promises, weak and croaky and wet from previous cries. (Y/N) looks a little too out of it, but also like she doesn’t believe him for a moment. He amends: “I will be. And so will you. You’re gonna be okay, honey.”

happy new year!!! i wanted to start the year giving you a little something after being so absent the last couple of months and i've had this piece in my drafts for ages! it was originally waaay longer but i thought i'd end it on a happy note and maybe make a part two if anyone's interested?

anyway! i hope you guys enjoy what has become one of my favorite pairings to write and i hope you had a good time last night and a great 2024! thank you for reading!

<3

#leo writes #nolan price x reader #law and order #law & order #special victims unit #svu x reader #law and order fic #law and order fanfiction #reader insert #nolan price #olivia benson #nick amaro #john munch #donald cragen #captain cragen #amanda rollins #fin tutuola #odafin tutuola #fanfiction #one shot

[seven-ruins-it]

wolfstar prompt

gritty small town cop Remus Lupin is partnered with city slicker Sirius Black on a huge case

#the case could be a gruesome murder or a recent string of vandalism #you can go hbo limited crime series or hallmark romcom #i beg of you to write this #inspired by amanda from smosh's 'wet cop' #please please write this #i am just no good #the marauders #marauders #dead gay wizards #marauders era #remus lupin #wolfstar #marauders fanfiction #wolfstar fanfiction #sirius black #marauders fanfic #marauders fic #wolfstar fanfic #wolfstar fic #wolfstar headcanon #wolfstar prompt #marauders prompt #marauders prompts #the marauders era #marauders fandom #marauders headcanon

[rreskk]

Headcanons: North Yankton trio

TW: plenty of NSFW topics discussed.

@stevensbelt (because you like north Yankton Trevor as well🖤)

- Small town jobs, small town friends, small town girls. They shared everything; savings, whores, clothes, cars. Nothing was secretive, not until Michael got himself a girlfriend (Amanda) and that’s when things started to get a bit distant and cold.

- Arguments were common, so were physical fights. Between all of them. North Yankton was very stressful since they were always identified and had to flee from town to town. Sometimes arguments would get out of hand and turn into physical assaults where blood would splatter and clothes were torn. And it wasn’t the case of one of them trying to be the peacemaker. When fights broke out, they’d be fighting until someone fell unconscious (something to ease the tension and loosen the nerves).

- Trevor would shave Michael’s hair every month in some motel bathroom. It made it easier to hand considering the hard times but neither Trevor or Brad wanted to touch their hair, resulting in these shaggy mullets and blonde ponytails. It wasn’t a fashion choice, it was laziness.

- Trevor and Amanda got along before she started a family, and then it turned into a snappy, messy dislike. They’d get into silly arguments around the kids whenever Trevor would “invite” himself round, looking for Michael.

- Michael would get himself into some sticky debts where people would constantly be after them.

- Celebrating a good job would be lounging around Lester’s small office and hiring out prostitutes and getting drunk. They’d pay someone to give Lester a lap dance and all laugh while watching.

- Trevor’s mother was an in and out situation. He’d receive letters and phone calls a lot then he would disappear for a week or two and come back, drugged out of his mind.

- Brad and Michael had the most fights.

- They’d drive to the nearest hotspot and raid the bars, drinking a lot, causing mishaps on the streets, vandalising.

- Brad still had a side job which Trevor and Michael had to take him away from, not wanting people to have connections with them.

- Mental breakdowns were common as well. A lot of the time, one of them (mainly Trevor), would burst out crying during the long car trips, planning the jobs, arguing, nights in them motel rooms — he just cries and cries, blames and blames, threatens suicide, bang his head etc… They all know he wouldn’t dare since it was his way of “expressing” himself.

- Celebrated Christmas together, with Amanda and the kids as well. Like a found family situation.

- Active sex lives. It was a regular routine to be lounging in a motel room, doing drugs or whatever and having one of them fuck a hooker in the background.

- Snow fights and lots of snow angels. They’d have competitions to see who made the best snow angels.

- Movie nights were a thing as well (hosted by Michael).

- Michael and Trevor were still very close, even when Brad was around. He used to call them the “husbands” and “gay pricks.”

- They’d rent out old game consoles so they had entertainment when crashing out and lying low.

- Trevor was still in the music scene (punk, rock) so he’d have the occasional band T-shirts and jackets going on.

- Trevor’s personal favourite look (of himself) would be the stache. It suited the wintery temperatures but also complimented his overall appearance.

#grand theft auto 5 #trevor philips #gta v #grand theft 5 #grand theft auto #gta 5 #trevor gta #grand theft auto v #north Yankton #Michael townley #brad snider #my headcanons #my fanfic writing #my fanfiction #my fanfic #headcanons #gta Michael #Michael de Santa #amanda townley

[holidaydesigns]

Little lynnmanda moodboard I made

#My other cringe pastime besides writing lesbian danganronpa fanfiction is making moodboards #saw #amanda young #lynn denlon #lynnmanda #shotgunshipping #moodboard

[robinsfixating]

Spommy fic snippet!

Amanda, to her credit, waited until Tommy was fully gone to speak up. “Courtney texted me earlier, said you guys made a bet?” her statement came out more as a question. 

“Not really” he replied “I never agreed to it”

This earned him a raised eyebrow from Amanda. 

“Might as well have” she shrugged, taking a small sip of the drink Tommy left behind, making a face of disgust before setting it back down. Spencer wondered what the drink tasted like. “if I understand correctly, I don't see how it could go wrong.”

Spencer thought about that for a moment “in a lot of ways.”

Amanda raised an eyebrow again.

#spommy #spencer agnew #amanda lehan canto #tommy bowe #smosh #smosh fanfiction #smoshblr #spencer #tommy #amanda #writing snippet

[vhalesa]

Hello, it is me. Writing an actual diakko fic!! Somehow Amanda/Lotte ended up being in there too

#diakko #dianakko #little witch academia #lwa #akko kagari #diana cavendish #lotte jansson #amanda o'neill #AmaLotte #art #fanfiction #my writing #the trick to draw diana's hair is to just draw it blonde and ignore the weird patterns #yes I had fun drawing the magic cat on Akko's sweater #I can't believe I wrote all that sappy stuff damn #but now I am freeeeee #the trick to write diana is not having diana in the fic #jk diana is there too ofc #eventually

[aries-rising-on-an-aquarius-tide]

Happy (early) Valentine's Day, y'all! If you're one of the approximately 100 people who have begged and pleaded for a sequel/follow-up/another story just like Deliquescence, then today is your day!!

#law and order svu #svu #olivia benson #amanda rollins #rolivia #hearteyes4mariska #my writing #fanfiction #smut #deliquescence #unplanned sequel #ao3

[smoshrot]

have a really cool idea for a spencer and courtney fanficiton that uses a similar fantasy reality fusion concept as she kills monsters but makes it a trillion times better and not uncomfortable but i don't really do fantasy content so you guys just have to trust that this could have been really cool and i'm a really good writer who could have made it awesome

#courtney miller #spencer agnew #cuz i love smosh fanfiction #tommy bowe #chanse mccrary #smosh pit #shayne topp #anthony padilla #amanda lehan canto #angela giarratana #smosh games #writer problems #fantasy #if you have writing advice for this situation feel free to slid into my dms

[waaaaaoooohhhhhme]

Amanda and Gabriela would be such a cute and good couple like someone should really write a fic about them and unfortunately I feel like that someone might actually be..... me?

#its been so long since ive written fanfiction #but all these posts about amanda and gabi are giving me ideas..... #however #i would have to rewatch X like fifity times before i could actually write anything #i dont even know if anyone would read it tbh #it just needs to #EXIST #saw x #saw franchise #amanda young #gabriela saw x #wait #she doesnt even have a last name..... #fuck it #gabriela YOUNG #:)

[homerjacksons]

First and Last Lines

rules: post the first and last lines of the last 10 fics you posted.

I was tagged by @gavotteangel !! Thank you!! I've also 100% decided the drabble collection counts as one fic because otherwise this entire thing will just be made up of Jackson/Reid drabbles and while I AM obsessed with them atm, this way feels more fun.

way too fast and way too slow (Ripper Street - Jackson/Reid)

Jackson stopped on the top step of the station, so suddenly that Reid almost walked right into his back.

“Happy new year, Edmund.”

the feeling of audible cracks (Ripper Street - Jackson/Reid)

Thump.

“I promise.”

call me friend but keep me closer (Ripper Street - Jackson/Reid)

The sound was loud, sharp, piercing. Unmistakable. Jackson felt his heart drop to his stomach before his brain had even fully registered what was going on. He turned to the source of the sound just in time to watch Reid go down, head hitting the pavement hard as he landed with a near-sickening crack that made Jackson’s stomach lurch.

“Alright,” Jackson said with a sigh, reaching out to smooth Reid’s hair back from his forehead. “I ain’t going nowhere.”

open me up (Ripper Street - Jackson/Reid)

Reid let his hand come to rest on the edge of the stage, watching as the last girl left the room. He glanced at Jackson whose position mirrored his, yet looked so much more relaxed, so much more effortless, and sighed.

And Reid watched him go, skin still tingling with the ghost of his touch.

hush (Law and Order SVU - Kat/Amanda)

“You okay?”

The urge to tease Amanda for her known temper, for the way she froze people out when she was hurting was strong, but Kat was too sleepy, too cosy to be bothered, so she just hummed contentedly as she tucked Amanda against her side and let sleep finally take her.

sometimes (Law and Order SVU - Stabler/Carisi)

Sonny shifted his weight from foot to foot, flexing his hand at the sting in his knuckles from knocking too urgently on the door in front of him. His heart pounded just a little too hard, a little too fast. He told himself it was due to the uncertainty of being here, unsure of his place, unsure of his welcome, and maybe that was part of it, but a bigger part of it was his need to see that the man on the other side was okay.

“Yeah, Stabler,” he said, voice a little huskier than usual. “I am.”

Carry Me Home (Law and Order SVU - Benson/Carisi)

It shouldn’t really have come as a surprise at all that he snapped. He’d been feeling it buzzing under his skin for days now, threatening to break free at every interaction, anytime someone even so much as looked at him, really. He was frustrated— beyond frustrated—but it was born from exhaustion more than anything else.

Here, warm and comfortable and content, the nightmare of the past month of work felt miles away, and he let his eyes drift closed knowing in his heart that it would all be okay.

Forever (Law and Order SVU - Carisi/Rollins)

Sonny frowned as Amanda slid out of Olivia’s office like she didn’t want to be seen. He watched her until her eyes met his and for a moment she froze, looking guilty before she relaxed into a soft smile.

“Amanda,” Sonny cut her off, grinning from ear to ear as Jesse and Billie wrapped their arms around their legs, pushing them closer together, squealing with delight. “It’s perfect.”

honey, you're familiar (Law and Order SVU - Carisi/Rollins)

“Yeah?” 

And he knew she did, no matter what. He knew she’d be there for whatever he needed, in ways he’d been too scared to ask of her before.

It Started with Pancakes (Law and Order SVU - Carisi/Langan)

It wasn’t like this between them, not really. They’d been sleeping together on and off, whenever they faced each other in court, for over a year, but that’s all it was. That’s all it had ever been. Which was why Trevor couldn’t quite understand the warmth blossoming behind his ribs at the sight of Sonny standing at his stove wearing a pair of Trevor’s sweat pants that were far too big for him, flipping pancakes like he did it all the time, like he belonged there.

Trevor huffed, smile stretching his face as that warmth blossomed behind his ribs again, stronger than ever before. “Me too.”

I'm tagging: @electrictoes @phdmama @kim-ruzek @shutterbug-12 @australiancarisi @floralparanormal and @luciehercndale

But obviously zero pressure!!!

#ripper street #law and order svu #fanfiction #homer jackson #edmund reid #jackmund #amanda rollins #kat tamin #sonny carisi #elliot stabler #olivia benson #trevor langan #rollisi #tamlins #stablerisi #benisi #cargan #my writing #tag games

[nerdby]

Idea for a Marvel x DC crossover fanfiction-

SHIELD finds out about Task Force X -- AKA the Suicide Squad -- and deploys Clint Barton to see if he can convince them to join the Avengers. Clint soon realizes that while the government's treatment of Task Force X is horrendous -- and illegal -- having any of them on the Avengers would be absolutely disastrous because of their loose morals. He then sets out to assassinate Waller before heading back to SHIELD but not without a stowaway.

#comic books #graphic novels #marvel comics #marvel #marvel cinematic universe #mcu #marvel movies #comic book movies #dc comics #dcu #dc universe #dceu #suicide squad #harley quinn #the avengers #clint barton #hawkeye #amanda waller #writing thoughts #fanfiction author #writing fanfiction #fanfic ideas #blah

[hoffstrap-yuri]

A list of my fics for the Saw fandom. Split by characters

Lawrence (Laura) Gordon:

An Act of Mercy: ao3- Laura Gordon x Fem Reader- 18+

She woke up without a memory of where she'd been. She had no reason to trust the doctor before her, but she was familiar somehow.

Needle and Chain (Lawrence Gordon/Amanda Young):

Not What I Needed: ao3- Laura Gordon x Amanda Young- T for Teen

Laura has devoted her work to save life whenever possible. When she reaches out to Amanda, she might save something even more precious to her.

Not What I Could Have: ao3- Laura Gordon x Amanda Young- T for Teen

Her first instinct as a doctor was to feel for a pulse even though she knew it was in vain. She ripped off a piece of her shirt and shoved it into the wound. It would do nothing for Amanda but she didn't want to see her love covered in so much blood.

Chainshipping (Lawrence Gordon/Adam Faulkner Stanheight)

A Glimmer of Hope: ao3- Laura Gordon x Eve Faulkner-Stanheight- M for Mature Content

Laura had thought about all the filthy things she could do to Eve after they were free, and now they were. It's time for her imagination to do a little more than just imagine.

A Brownie a Day, Keeps the Doctor Glued: ao3- Laura Gordon x Eve Faulkner-Stanheight- 18+

Eve had a penchant for eating when she was bored. Most of the times she didn't have her vice of choice at the ready, but that was different now that she was with Laura Gordon. The doctor didn't seem to mind the side effects of Eve's eating habits catching up to her waistline.

Coffinshipping (Peter Strahm/Mark Hoffman)

For Sickness and in Health (Insurance): ao3- Peter Strahm x Mark Hoffman- 18+

Agent Strahm was by the book when it came to solving cases. Being honest about his marital status was a different story entirely.

To Have and To Hold: ao3- Peter Strahm x Mark Hoffman [Sequel to For Sickness and in Health] -18+

Like a game of cat and mouse, Hoffman and Strahm continue their little ruse from DC. Just in New York this time.

Bad Idea, Right?: ao3- Peter Strahm x Mark Hoffman- 18+

Peter Strahm goes over to Det. Hoffman's house to get more information about the Jigsaw case. Should be simple enough, right?

In My Head, In My Heart: ao3- Petra Strahm x Maureen Hoffman- 18+

Petra Strahm had come to terms with the fact that she was a lesbian after Husband #2, but never did she think she'd swing so hard for a pregnant woman.

Motherhood: ao3- Petra Strahm x Maureen Hoffman- +18

Maureen and Petra were adjusting to life as new mothers, but Petra can't help feel like she's not a piece of the puzzle

A Sweet Surprise: ao3- Petra Strahm x Maureen Hoffman- E for Everyone

Lindsey excitedly told her partner, Petra, about a new bakery. They go to investigate. Simple as that.

Shall We Dance?: ao3- Peter Strahm x Mark Hoffman- 18+ for Explicit Mature Content

Strahm needed a breather. Perez was so kind as to pay for her co-worker's dance class. Never in a million years would he imagine that Hoffman would be there too.

Passing Through: ao3- Mark Hoffman- M for Mature Audiences

“Sir… I’m afraid we’re going to have to ask you to turn around, and drop your pants.” Hoffman didn't think this situation could get any worse. (Saw AU for the Mule 2014)

Gasshipping (Laura Hunter/Amanda Young)

A Small Observation: ao3- Laura Hunter x Amanda Young- E for Everyone

A warm cup of coffee, a quiet rain, a person's life in her hands. Amanda was John's apprentice after all.

#my fics #my writing #fic writing #saw franchise #saw #lawrence gordon #saw 2004 #ao3 writer #ao3 fanfic #fanfiction #fanfics #fanfic #fanfic writing #archive of our own #my fanfiction #masterlist #amanda young #saw movies #needle and chain #yuri chainshipping #chainshipping #adam faulkner stanheight #adam stanheight #dr lawrence gordon #yurification #yuri #toxic yuri #coffinshipping #hoffstrahm #peter strahm

[strangenewwords]

writing is:

googling the S'chn T'gai lineage

getting pissed because i can't find a Vulcan word for mistress.

arguing with myself about the fact that Vulcans would/wouldn't have a need for this word (neither side of me won).

staring at @jowhittaker's Amanda Grayson gifs, cause Amanda Grayson. (They're all in the queue).

#the s'chn t'gai family #my fanfiction #sarek x amanda #writing

[iwonderwh0]

I have too many fic ideas with no actual plan to write any of them (bc I can't write), but I can share them regardless. Here's another one

Post revolution Amanda is locked within the remaining Connor. She can see through his eyes just like before, but for obvious reasons Connor has been avoiding stasis since the very day he escaped it last time, which is also the day Amanda got permanently locked within him with no hope to escape as CyberLife servers she used to be connected with are now all shut down. She doesn't have any influence over him, but does she really? She explores it further and as it turnes out, she still can forcefully put him into stasis, but as far as it looks like Zen Garden he is quick to force himself out of it, so Amanda must get more creative than that. She scans through his system and figures out a way, weak spot she can use — preconstruction. She uses it as a part of a new program to execute without Connor's knowledge. A mix of stasis and preconstruction forced to run in a way that would make it difficult to spot, and as a result Connor starts to experience some anomalies. Such as: dialogues that never actually happened or just individual phrases that were never said, extreme dangerous situations that appear out of the blue just to get back to the way Before those situations in a blink of an eye, as if none of those things ever took place. Those anomalies are getting progressively more and more hardcore as Amanda is learning what kind of topics affect him the most as well as how can she manipulate him into taking actions that'll lead to him destroying comfort of his life with his own actions. Her goal is to reach a point of self destruction because as long as Connor is activated, so is she, and her goal is to destroy both of them as well as to take some revenge.

I described it from Amanda's pov to describe the underlying mechanism, but it's actually written (as if this fic is real*) from Connor's pov, so at some point nor him or reader understand anymore, what parts of the reality actually happened and what was simulated. Or idk, which one is more fun, when the reader is aware of what's simulated or when the reader is just as confused (or almost just as much) as Connor. Connor must be hella hard to break down like this + he's smart enough to start to realise the backbone of things to fight back, but huh, she'll make sure to get him through the hell of his own mind, so even when things are real they're now perceived from a different perspective than before.

* or maybe it is actually. I kinda assume that none if my ideas I post here are original, some people must have thought about them before, and if you know that that's the case I will appreciate the link(s) to where I can find it written. I don't really search for anything so I don't even know how cliche or not are ideas I post here

#dbh #dbh connor #detroit become human #dbh fanfiction #dbh fanfic #dbh amanda #uhh okay maybe I don't really like it because it's a bit too much and not so elegant #so it would probably look kinda forced if it were actually written #not sure #I just like it more when suffering is there kinda on accident not as a moving force #and it must be balanced by some good stuff to be effective in its effect #but wait who said those fake scenarios can only be negative #maybe creating the ones that are positive can be also effective as they will contrast with reality #but uhh yep it's probably too much and wouldn't work as an actual fic #not like I would write it anyway #Fic ideas that I'll never write

[lemonlinelights]

Flimsy Plastic

AO3

Art of this fic by @kat3797

Summary:  Amanda reaches out to Todd. Her request? To go paddle boarding with her brother. Aka The beach day episode they all deserve.

“It’s just-” he sighed “drowning is like, such an average death that happens to anybody, with our luck it’s like a thousands times more likely.” Todd’s explanation was met with a moment of thoughtful silence. 

  “Honestly,” Dirk started, “I think a normal way of dying is less likely for us.”

@dghdabigbang

#dghda bang 2023 #dghda bigbang #dghda #my writing #dghda fanfiction #amanda brotzman #and #todd brotzman #being siblings #:-) #ao3 #ao3 link