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animebw · 10 months

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Seasonal Reflection: Spring 2023 Anime

Now that’s more fucking like it. I was feeling pretty down on anime after a disappointing winter season, but spring has come in like a freight train to remind us why this medium is so damn important (just in time for summer to let us down again because my god this new crop of shows is looking thiiiiiiiiiiin). Making the choice not to stick with shows I wasn’t enjoying just for the sake of completion was clearly the right call, because not only did that leave me with fewer bad shows sucking my my free time and motivation, it meant I was able to much more happily appreciate the bevy of excellent offerings that Spring 2023 had to offer. From an absolute top-tier run of rom-coms to a slew of entrancing fantasy series, I was never at a loss for things to enjoy. I’ve already shared by thoughts on Vinland Saga’s flawed but excellent second season (8/10) and the abysmal, overrated trash heap that was Oshi no Ko (3/10), as well as quick thoughts on all the series I ended up dropping. But if you want to know my thoughts on the other shows I watched to completion? Then read on, and see which spring offerings are worth checking out!

Uma Musume To the Top: 4/10

One of these days, I’ll be able to better articulate why this franchise leaves me so cold. What is it about Uma Musume that made fans go gaga for historical racehorses anthropomorphized as cute anime idol horsegirls that I’m not getting? Cause from where I’m sitting, the whole thing is just a bloated, overwrought exercise in hacky melodrama and shrink-wrapped moeblob pandering with the occasional actually pretty decent sports anime arc thrown in there. The whole thing just feels so cynical and calculating, from its lazily slapped-together premise that feels like three random popular anime genres shoved in a blender with no rhyme or reason to the obnoxious soap-opera histrionics that define its attempts at tugging your heartstrings. And while this 4-episode OVA certainly has the best, most exhilaration animation of the bunch- seriously- it is stunning how good the racing looks- it also makes the unforgivable mistake of having zero Gold Ship content. They got rid of the funniest character in the show and I will never forgive them for it.

Kubo Won’t Let Me Be Invisible: 4.5/10

I think 2023 is the year that something officially snapped in me. I have just entirely lost patience with middling rom-coms that exist for no other reason than to sell the fantasy of a perfect manic pixie dream girl who’ll love your totally bland forgettable self. I mean, not like I had much patience for them to begin with in the first place, but watching Kubo Won’t Let Me Be Invisible felt like staring the futility of mindless wish fulfillment itself in the face. Does it have some good jokes? Yeah. Is the animation pleasing enough? Sure. But between the embarrassingly forced whimsy in the soundtrack and the treacly sweet presentation that tarts up this bargain-bin Takagi-san like some sweeping, romantic ideal, the inherent emptiness at the heart of the fantasy it’s selling just becomes impossible to ignore. Boys, I beg you: get higher standards for yourself and the shows you watch. You will not cure your loneliness by losing yourself in the illusion of a perfectly sweet, doting girlfriend who’ll never ask you to outgrow the things you hate about yourself. You deserve better than settling for endless self-indulgence at the hands of an industry that doesn’t believe you’re capable of more than that. Or just, you know, at least only watch anime of this kind that actually are good, compelling stories in their own right with more to say than “Gee, wouldn’t it be great if Kana Hanazawa was the only person in the whole world who I mattered to?” There’s even one of those later in this list! You don’t have to settle for mediocrity! Seriously!

My Home Hero: 4.5/10

I feel bad for this show, because it’s one of those cases where it’s obvious you’re getting a vastly inferior version of the story. The concept of a cat-and-mouse thriller where the protagonists are just a normal family of everyday middle-class busybodies trying to outwit a yakuza conspiracy after killing one of their goons is a pretty unique one, and the writing goes a long way to sell out on the fact that these are just an ordinary middle-aged couple thrust into a hectic situation and doing their best with the limited skills at their disposal. Even if the writing can be overly convenient at times with how much they’re able to plan ahead, there’s some good stuff here. Unfortunately, it was adapted to anime by Tezuko Productions, one of the most bafflingly incompetent studios to still get reliable work. So the animation falls apart any time it has to depict anything more complex than characters talking and walking, the art direction is uniformly ugly and stilted, and the horrendously conceived score tries so hard to sound epic and edgy that it turns every potentially gut-wrenching moment into a laughingstock of poorly executed melodrama. If you’ve got any interest in this story at all, just go straight for the manga and forget this turd exists.

Yuri is My Job: 5.5/10

Something to know about me: I hate cringe. And if there’s one type of cringe I can’t stand above all others, it’s watching performers mess up on stage and ruin the show for the audience. As a former theater kid, nothing makes we want to curl up in a ball and die more than a stage play going off the rails and the actors being left lost and adrift while the audience stares and murmurs in worry. I say all this to tell you that I watched Yuri is My Job- a show that is primarily focused on watching actors almost fail in live performance over and over again in the messiest. most emotionally charged ways possible- and I almost managed to make myself like it. What can I say, I’m a sucker for subversive yuri deconstructions that explore the liminal space between ambiguous Class S-style stock yuri tropes and real feelings of lesbian love. Especially when they’re willing to let their characters be this messy and difficult. But man, there were times I had to watch this show with my hands over my eyes from sheer concentrated cringe. Do not let the yuri fool you into thinking this is just another soft and sweet gay girl romance, this shit gets rough. But as long as you have a stronger stomach than me for this kind of thing- and if you don’t ask too many questions about what these girls’ lives are like when they’re not play-acting for customers in a yuri schoolgirl cafe because we never fucking leave this location- you might find something really worthwhile here.

Otaku Elf: 5.5/10

Every season, there’s one anime that sneaks under the radar at first but slowly accrues more and more good will over time, establishing itself as an underappreciated gem for anyone smart enough to go looking for it. And this season, that show was Otaku Elf, an inconsistent but enjoyable blend of chill slice-of-life antics- centered on a young shrine maiden looking after the titular shut-in elf who serves as her temple’s local deity- and bite-sized history lessons about the life and culture of people in Japan’s Edo period. It’s got some surprisingly warm and nuanced character writing for its two leads, and their relationship as they push and pull from different perspectives on life leads to a handful of emotional moments I’d genuinely consider magical. Sadly, the further the show strays outside that central relationship, the less interesting it gets, with most of the side characters- the maiden’s perfectly angelic younger sister, other elves enshrined as deities as their caretakers- coming off as half-baked in comparison. It’s a bit of a crap shoot whether any given episode will pluck at your heartstrings or bore you to tears depending on what it chooses to focus on. But when it’s good, it’s really good, and it’s worth a look for anyone who enjoys historical trivia mixed in with their comfort viewing.

The Ancient Magus’ Bride Season 2: 6/10

In retrospect, I’m really glad I went back and re-evaluated my opinion on Magus Bride season 1 before this new entry came out. Not just because it helped me realize how much I’d underappreciated one of the most captivating fantasy anime of the modern era, but because it drives home that this second season’s sluggish pace is, in fact, an issue. Magus Bride has always been a very slow and ruminative series, trickling through moments like streams through a mud-clogged riverbed en route to its big character moments. But even by those generous standards, this has been sloooooooooooow going. Lots of table setting, lots of new characters with new conflicts, lots of buildup for multiple different plotlines that don’t always feel meaningfully connected and will require a damn good payoff to make this slow start worth it. Luckily we’ve got a second cours coming in the fall, so there’s still plenty of time to turn Chise’s experience at magic college into another worthwhile entry in this powerful series. Until then, I’ll hang tight to the things this series still does well- its primordial depiction of magic, a wonderful soundtrack, the complexities of Chise and Elias’ relationship, Chise’s continued journey toward understanding and cultivating her self-worth- in hopes the end result will be just as magical as what came before.

Birdie Wing Season 2: 6/10

Is there a point where a series who’s primary appeal is how brazenly over-the-top it goes starts to run out of steam? Believe it or not, being stupid and bonkers is an art unto itself, and it takes real talent to sustain. For every Akiba Maid War that constantly ups the ante until it blows its stack with an absolute barn-burner finale, there are countless Highschool of the Deads that slowly dribble away their incredible manic energy over time, leaving nothing behind but the same tired anime cliches as always. And as much as I enjoyed seeing the rollicking madness of Birdie Wing come to close, I can’t deny that I felt my interest starting to slip as this second and final season went on. It just doesn’t do enough to surpass the bar it set with the insane high-stakes golf mafia death matches in the first season. Which I acknowledge is a high bar to clear, but for all the hilariously overdramatic soap opera twists and sudden power-ups that dominate the matches in this season, it never quite manages to measure up to that wonderful madcap energy that made its first season such a lightning-bolt success. Or, I dunno, maybe they shouldn’t have split up the main goddamn couple for basically the entire season. Especially when the same studio was already doing another, much better handled lesbian separation arc over in G-Witch. Seriously, Sunrise, anything you want to get off your chest? I feel like you might have some issues.

Ranking of Kings: Treasure Chest of Courage: 7.5/10

It feels like we’re heading into a very bizarre trend in side story “season 2″s lately. First Ranking of Kings, Horimiya next season, and the Quintessential Quintuplets somewhere down the line, so many shows are spending entire seasons on side content going through stuff from the source material they either skipped over or rushed through. And I can’t help but worry that sets a bad precedent for anime adaptations; we seriously do not need to legitimize shows hacking their source material to pieces for the sake of modern broadcast standards any more than they already are. On the other hand, though... man, it’s hard to complain when the end result does such a great job living up to its source. The Treasure Chest of Courage is every bit as whimsical, emotional, and gorgeously animated as the first season of Ranking of Kings, all the same heart and imagination in bite-sized pieces exploring the finer details in ways that make you appreciate the base story even more. It even fixes a few of my big issues with the main show’s back half and sets things up for an apparent proper season 2 sometime in the future! We’ll see if Horimiya and Quints can keep up those high standards, but for now, this is an exceptional interquel that’s bound to make you fall in love with one of anime’s best modern fantasy yarns all over again.

The Dangers in My Heart: 7.5/10

If you started watching The Dangers in My Heart only to drop it after the very first scene, I can’t blame you. The prospect of putting up with a school-shooter level misanthropic loner of a protagonist gleefully fantasizing about brutalizing his crush was almost enough to make me nope out right away. But thank god I kept watching, because once you get past that horrifically unrepresentative opening scene, it quickly becomes clear that The Dangers in My Heart is actually a genuinely wonderful little rom-com that fully understands just how much edgelord middle school nonsense is just insecure kids trying to figure out their place in the world. So few rom-coms like this really get the precise blend of hormones, awkwardness, insecurity, and cringe that defines so many middle school foibles, let alone one that understands the interiority of its female characters well enough to make them feel more fleshed out than trophy wives. But this show nails that early adolescent hellscape without ever coming off exploitative of it (well, almost; there are some obnoxious fanservice moments that really didn’t need to exist, thankfully few and far between). And really, who else but the director of the similarly true-to-life Teasing Master Takagi-san could pull that off so well? Just make it through that opening scene and you’ll very quickly find yourself falling for these idiots just like I did.

My Love Story with Yamada-kun at Lv999: 8/10

God, it’s so fucking good to have shoujo rom-coms again. We went through such a drought period where the genre basically faded into nonexistence save for the Fruits Basket remake, but it feels like they’re finally coming back into fashion. And what better way to remind the world how marvelous the world of shoujo romance can be than another collaboration between the studio and director that graced us with the masterpiece My Love Story back in 2015... with another show called My Love Story? You couldn’t ask for a more surefire winning formula, and sure enough My Love Story with Yamada-kun at Lv999 is a delight from start to finish. It’s nominally about failgirl extraordinaire Akane meeting the socially awkward and emotionally distant hot boy Yamada through the RPG they play together, but the game stuff is actually a pretty small part of it. At heart, this show is about the messiness of young adulthood, and the ways people fumble through the highs and lows of coming of age as they develop into fully concrete people. And it captures that chaos with all the sharp, creative direction, thoughtful character writing, and feel-good romantic fireworks you should expect from this creative team. It’s a gut-busting, feel-good, achingly sincere gem of a show, and I recommend it to everyone in need of a little more whimsy in your life.

Skip and Loafer: 8.5/10

It’s absolutely insane to me that the Skip and Loafer manga is published in the same seinen magazine as Vinland Saga, because this is one of the most authentically shoujo teen coming-of-age delights we’ve had in a long time. Small-town girl Mitsumi moves to the big city to excel at a prestigious high school and make her dreams of rebuilding her hometown come true, only to have her perfect plans derailed by the chaos of growing up, from friends to crushes to high school curveballs. It’s so rare for a story to capture adolescence this authentically, the moments both big and small that define our paths toward maturity as we begin to figure out who we want to be. Watching Skip and Loafer made me reflect on my own high school experiences, good and bad alike, and be grateful for all the steps I took that brought me to where I am today. And any show that can get me so introspective about myself is a show worth celebrating. Plus it’s got the legendary Tomoyo Kurosawa in the leading role, and it’s got a prominent adult trans side character (Nao-chan is perfect and needs more screentime in season 2 or I riot), and the OP makes my cheeks hurt from smiling too hard... yeah, PA works has once again knocked it out of the park. Somebody stop them, they’re growing too powerful!

Heavenly Delusion: 8.5/10

To summarize Heavenly Delusion in a single sentence is, I’m afraid, impossible. I could say it’s a post-apocalyptic mystery thriller that feels like the love child of Shinsekai Yori and The Promised Neverland, but that doesn’t quite do it justice. I could say it’s a dizzying double-track story that does a better job than pretty much any other series as letting you pick up clues on your own, but that’s doesn’t tell you enough either. I could say it’s host to one of the most staggering, masterpiece anime productions ever put to television with no shortage of the greatest singular episodes and individual cuts I’ve ever seen, but even that falls short. I could even say it’s a deeply flawed, intensely problematic series that’s trying to unpack so many different ideas about gender and sexuality with no guardrails to keep it from hurtling off track, but even that leaves out so much. Ultimately, though, the only way I can describe Heavenly Delusion is that it is Heavenly Fucking Delusion, and it’s one of the single most mesmerizing anime I’ve ever had the pleasure to watch. It’s a tour-de-force capital-E Event the likes of which we so rarely get nowadays, and if you think you can stomach the dark places it goes in its exploration of humanity’s corrosion and reconstruction, then you absolutely owe it to yourself to give it a watch. Just be aware there’s a content warning for an incredibly upsetting scene of sexual assault near the end, and I mean that seriously. I like to think I’m pretty desensitized and even I felt kind of sick and unclean by the time that scene was over. Watch at your own discretion.

Insomniacs After School: 8.5/10

So fun fact: this is the rare series where I’ve actually read the manga before the anime was even announced! One of my Discord friends introduced me to Insomniacs After School, and despite my normal aversion to manga, I fell helplessly, recklessly head over heels in love with it. And if this adaptation made you feel any inch of that magic, then you owe it to yourself to check out the manga right away. Not just because there’s more story to cover beyond the anime’s admittedly pretty perfect stopping point, but because Lidenfilms’ workmanlike production is only able to capture, like 70% of what makes this series so special. And this stirring tale of two insomniacs learning to navigate the trauma of their sleepless nights together deserves to be experienced at its full, unblemished power. It’s an absolutely wonderful slow-burn romance that captures the nuances of teenage friend groups and coming of age like so few series I’ve consumed, and its portrayal of Nakami and Magari’s growing companionship under the night sky is sure to melt your heart into a sugary-sweet puddle. It’ll make you learn for your lost youth more palpably than any other show you’re likely to watch this year. And even in a season already jammed to the gills with exemplary rom-coms that really, truly get what it means to be a teenager or young adult, this slightly subpar take on the material still stands head and shoulders above them all.

Mobile Suit Gundam: the Witch from Mercury Season 2: 9/10

Be honest: did any other show even have a shot? For all the wonderfully realistic rom-coms and ambitious seinen mindfucks this season gave us, there was only ever one true contender to the throne. And I’m thrilled to say that after a fantastic first season putting all the pieces in perfect order, Gundam: Witch From Mercury stuck the landing with a riveting second season that smashed the game board and sent everything spiraling out of control in the best way possible. It’s like Ichiro Ookuchi took all the right lessons from his work on Code Geass- a seamless blend of high school melodrama and gut-wrenching mecha warfare, dizzying plotting that leaves you gasping for breath at the end of every episode, a sheer unrivaled confidence in the chaos of love and war- and refined them to a razor’s edge, delivering a never-ending roller coaster of jaw-dropping battles, explosive emotional payoffs, stunning twists that all make sense in retrospect, tears, laughter, hard choices, flawed characters overcoming their weaknesses, and a true coronation of Suletta and Miroine as one of the all-time great anime yuri couples. At times you can’t help but wish for more time to explore the many worldbuilding details and side characters that fall by the wayside as the chaos takes hold; two cours just isn’t enough to do justice to all the complex, interconnecting ideas this series is juggling. But the fact it works as well as it does, and bring it all home for such a satisfying finale, is proof of just how damn miraculous this series has been from start to finish. I couldn’t ask for a more perfect introduction to this storied franchise, and I couldn’t be more excited to see what this creative team will come up with next. And if you somehow haven’t gotten around to watching it yet? Fix that as soon as possible. You won’t regret it for a second.

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scuffle-with-spirals · 7 months

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I’ve been in a fragaria memories brainrot since puruth came out and I’m so excited to see other people get into it! What do you think of the characters so far? Do you have a favorite bouquet? And lastly what do you think when Sanrio means “multi-media project”, do you wish for it to be a game, a CD Drama, a manga?

Hello! I hope you're doing good today! Thank you so much for your ask! :00000c I think all of the characters and designs go SO hard honestly. Like I haven't been disappointed in anyone's knights at all, which is so rare for me, haha, as usually whenever one character falls flat for me personally in the design department, usually I'll find some saving grace for them elsewhere, whether it be their voice, their personality, etc. etc. But all of the Fragamen cast is just really appealing and interesting to me so far, and it's got me feeling a particular softness I haven't quite felt since I was like. Gee. A wee middleschool demon back in nineteen-aught-seven who just got a deviantart account scrambling around causing mischief LMAO

I know the character reveals aren't finished yet, but so far, I'm really in love with everyone from the Noir Bouquet!!! As much as I'll scream my love for Rimicha to the high heavens, every design and character from there has been able to make my brain go topsy turvy whwrhwrhhrhrw washing machine asmr for a good minute, and I'm positive that, considering all the talent they've recruited so far, the rest of the cast will be just as cool. :> Red bouquet is definitely my second, and while I definitely do like the blue bouquet on its own, I feel like the other two just are more appealing to me personally, especially in terms of aesthetics. But, I'm sure these thoughts will change once more material comes out involving everyone from the cast! \3v3/ Y'know, in terms of what I'd like to see from Fragamem, I'd honestly love to see a visual novel or cd drama made with the cast! Even just short comic style strips would be cool. I know there are a bunch of Hello Kitty shorts on Youtube, so maybe seeing short, episodic style formats with the Fragame cast would be interesting. However, based on some of these character bios (and just, the scope Sanrio is reaching for here), I'd 100% be down for something more in depth than that, such as a full-fledged mangas the illustrators draw for their respective knights? :0c I really honestly don't know what exactly I'm looking for or what I'd like to see, but all in all, I'm excited!!! :>

#thank you so much for your ask again!!#fragamem #fragaria memories #scuffle with asks #ask rambles

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twstarchives · 3 years

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Happy Birthday・Epel

Card: Birthday Attire - SSR Characters: Epel & Yuu. Mentioned: Vil, Leona

Chapter 1

—POMEFIORE DORM - BIRTHDAY PARTY VENUE—

NRC Campus News Interview with the Birthday Student ~Epel ver.~

Yuu: Happy birthday!

Epel: Thank you. I feel a little embarrassed... I’ll get people coming up and wishing me a happy birthday just by walking through the halls.

Did your family do anything to celebrate?

Epel: Yeah, they sent a letter and a bunch of apples.

My family lives on an apple farm that’s been around for generations. We grow all kinds of varieties all year round, so they send me some this time of year too.

But there were way too many for one person to eat, so I’ve been handing them out to people I know around the school...

I passed them out to all my classmates and the magift club, but I’ve still got some left over.

Please let me know if you know of anybody who might want to take a few.

Could you tell us about your family next?

Epel: Mawmaw and Pawpaw—er, I mean! There’s my mother and father, my grandfather, grandmother...

My great-grandma, my uncle and his wife and son. We all live together.

All of us work on the farm. But it’s so huge that we’re still kind of short on hands.

Since the neighborhood’s made up of farmers, everyone helps each other out during the busy season.

We all feel really close because of that, like we’re one big family.

We have a thank-you party for everyone after the busiest harvest season of the year. Everyone brings their harvests, or small dishes...

It’s huge celebration, almost like a festival! Gee, there ain’t nothin’ as fun as—ah! I mean, it’s a lot of fun... I think?

Is it difficult to harvest the apples?

Epel: The apple trees on my family’s farm are really tall, so I guess it is... maybe. It’s real tiring going up and down the ladder.

But not when you use magic. You can hop a broom and fly from tree to tree, which makes picking them really easy.

My grandma and great-grandma can use magic, so they’ve always been the ones in charge of the high-up places.

When I was little, I really wanted to help the two of them, so everyday I got on a broom and jumped up and down...

Then one day, I really flew!

Ever since then the three of us have been doing any harvesting you need to fly for.

Chapter 2

—POMEFIORE DORM - BIRTHDAY PARTY VENUE—

What’s your favorite food?

Epel: BBQ! It’s so darn divine! Gets my mouth waterin’, it’s that good!

Back home we’d round up my family ‘n the neighborhood folk, all the parents, ‘n kids ‘n do a whole lotta barbecues, all of us.

We’d all sink our teeth into the chunks o’ meat we grilled over the charcoal.

There ain’t nothin’ better than wolfin’ ‘em down like that!

Also ‘cause our vegetables are fresh that day, grillin’ them is enough to get ‘em nice and sweet.

So they’re real delicious without needin’ to add anythin’ to ‘em!

I can tell you really love it.

Epel: Ah...! B-But, actually, I love macarons the most...

What do you like about macarons?

Epel: Th-They’re cute, you know? And sweet, and they have all kinds of flavors...

...They’re not really filling, though.

What else do you like besides food?

Epel: Magical wheels... maybe.

They look mighty, and their movements are powerful too. And yet they can make such swift turns...

When I was little, I thought “Those look so cool!” and dreamt about getting one.

Sometimes the people who own one in my neighborhood let me ride on theirs.

The first time I got to go on one, it left me so excited I couldn’t sleep that night.

Ahh... Someday I want to have one of my own.

Chapter 3

—POMEFIORE DORM - BIRTHDAY PARTY VENUE—

What club are you in?

Epel: The magical shift club. It’s so much fun!

It’s exciting going up against players bigger than me, and there’s nothing more motivating than scoring a goal!

But I really sucked when I first joined, and I’d get hurt any time I tried going in for the disc...

Vil-san would give me an earful for “not taking care of myself” whenever I’d scratch up my nose or cheeks.

Since I was always getting scolded, I stopped going after the disc head-on and instead practised a style where I make surprise attacks on my opponents.

And just the other day, I managed to nicely dodge a player that was trying to stop me...! I was so proud of myself~!

On top of that, Leona-san told me that I could play in our next game!

I don’t get hurt or get scolded by Vil-san as much anymore, so I think I’ve improved a lot since I first joined!

Be careful about getting hurt, okay?

Epel: Thank you, but I’ll be fine. Nobody’s got more guts than me!

I’ve been teased my whole life for seeming “weak” just because of how I look...

But I kept going up against students older and stronger than me without ever giving up... and finally, I turned the tables on every single one of them!

Soon I started getting called “The Poisoned Apple of the Felmier Family” around the school.

It means “despite how he looks, he’s fearsome and persistent.” Ahaha.

Thank you for sharing all of this with us. Once again, happy birthday!

#every time I tl epel's dialect I //looks away #twisted wonderland #epel felmier #personal story #birthday attire

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artzychic27 · 2 years

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A bunch of fairly odd uncles quotes! Go! *Blows whistle*

Gabriel: Don’t worry, Adrien. My dreams were shattered years ago.

Adrien: How long ago was that?

Gabriel: How old are you?

—

Nathaniel: What do I do?

Marc/Adrien: Don’t do anything stupid!

Nathaniel: …Must… Resist… Stupidity impulse. *Poofs a Jack-in-The-Box* … Not working!

—

Nathaniel: *Turns into a rooster* What am I?

Adrien: A rooster?

Nathaniel: No! I’m a red pigeon! You are the worst characters player ever!

—

Mme. Mendeleiv: Adrien Agreste must have… FAIRLY ODD UNCLES!

—

Adrien: What's so funny?

Nathaniel: Duh! Having a "B" word here.

Adrien: Huh? You're having the baby? Okay, earth boy freaked out, need explanation here.

Marc: Adrien, everybody knows that it's the guy fairy that has the baby.

Nathaniel: Adrien, we really need to have a serious talk about the Birds and the Bee Gees. *Poofs up a poster board with the Bee Gees band* You see, when the Bee Gees recorded Saturday Night Beaver, everybody loved them. Then, there was a backlash, "TOO MUCH BEE GEES," thay said!

—

Marc: Adrien, I warned you, you-doo dolls are dangerous, not everyone can handle having that sort of power.

Adrien: Yeah, maybe you’re right.

Marc: … Ah, but what do I know? In fact, wish up a whole box full of you-doo dolls! *Poofs a box full of dolls* And let’s wish up some more pudding for Nathaniel and dance! I’m a nag! Let’s do the nag dance! You nag it to the left, you nag it to the right! I always nag my husband all day and night!

Nathaniel: *Holding a Marc you-doo doll* He’s finally listening to me!

—

Aya: Unlike you, you bossy, black-haired, over controlling-

Nathaniel: Alright! Let’s get something thing straight here! I’m not bright! Big words confuse me! I have the attention span of a rodent! And Marc loves me anyway, he makes me happy, and that should be enough for you!

—

Gabriel: Adrien, do you know why I give you your tiny allowance?

Adrien: *Holds up three pennies* Because, if you called it pay, you’d be breaking child labor laws?

Gabriel: Exactly! And because I want you to do the chores I don’t want to do.

—

Marinette: You’re my new best friend! *Rips up a photo of Alya*

*Somewhere else*

Alya: *Clutches her chest and screams*

—

Marcelle: I can’t believe my frump of a brother beat me!

Marc: Who are you calling a frump, you Zappy-less nobody?! Zappy fight! *Smugly* Oh, that’s right. You don’t have one.

—

Adrien: I wish Marc’s mother was here right now!

Marc: NO!

*Alyssa appears, threatening another fairy*

Alyssa: I’m funny to you? Funny how? *Poofs up a clown outfit* Like a clown? Am I wearing big shoes, a funny hat?

Fairy: *Fearfully* Yes!

—

Nathalie: Adrien! I’m respecting your privacy by knocking, but asserting my authority as your maternal-figure by coming in anyway! *Breaks down the door with a battering ram*

—

Marinette: You’re weird!

Mme. Mendeleiv: Says you and several other psychiatric professionals!

—

Nathaniel: *Wearing a kilt* Your dad was right! This is comfortable! *Floats over Marc*

Marc: Would you please put on some underwear?!

Nathaniel: Never! *Poofs into Braveheart William Wallace* FREEDOM!

—

Kagami: *Adrien sits next to her* I’m ignoring you… I said, I’m ignoring you… STOP IGNORING ME! I’M IGNORING YOU!

—

Nathaniel: Geology, geography, geometry, what’s the difference? They all start with J.

Marc: Here’s another ‘J’ word, ‘Jidiot’!

—

Nathaniel: Nothing bad ever happens at school… Except for learning!

—

Marc: He’s observing us. Act like a hamster. Act like a hamster!

Nathaniel: Um, uh… Moo?

—

Nathaniel: *Showing a slide show* This is us on vacation in Japan.

Marc: Nathaniel got food poisoning.

Nathaniel: And this is us in England.

Marc: Food poisoning.

Nathaniel: Fancy food poisoning! And this is me getting food poisoning in Disney Land!

—

Gabriel: *’Accidentally’ flicks his fork* Oh, Marc, I’m sorry again. I hope you don’t hate us and ask us to leave forever.

Marc: *With dozens of forks pinning him to his chair* W-why would we do that?

Gabriel: Have you gained weight?

Nathaniel: A loooot of weight?

—

Adrien: *Reading Lila’s diary* ‘Monday April tenth, saw my future love slave with two squirrels. The orange squirrel looked cute, but the red one looked really fat.’

Marc: WHAT?! Oh, she is going down!

—

Anti Marc: My Anti Nath sure was right when he said y’all would be so busy lookin’ in that there laundry basket, ya never think to look under this thing! *Points to the tire*

*The hubcap pops off, revealing Anti Nathaniel*

Anti Nathaniel: Anti Marc, I love you dearly, but you are such a twit!

Marc: I feel your pain.

#miraculous ladybug #marc x nathaniel #nathaniel kurtzberg #marc anciel #mlb au #mlb incorrect quotes #fairly odd uncles #fairly oddparents #adrien agreste

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elevatorelevenhatesyou · 2 years

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Final Fantasy 14 Part 32: Yet More Gridanian Racism

Aw look, Brash is learning to read.

Are you seeing this shit? Alf went to go do something important, and Brash went and did nothing until he got back. Did you think I was joking about Alf being the real main character?

Alf has secured us a new hangout. Everyone gives Alf a big round of applause.

yeah he sure is great isn't he

When Minfilia's done sucking Alf's dick, she gives Brash a delivery job to Slafborn, one of the Revenant's Toll dudes who gave us a hand back when we were breaking into that Garlean fortress where Minfilia totally didn't get sexually assaulted for weeks on end. No I'm fuckin not fuckin letting that shit go, am I, FF14!

Slafborn's about to give us a tour and get Brash involved with the setting up of the Scions's new headquarters, but he gets interrupted by a phone call from Tataru telling Brash to come back because there's a job to do in Gridania.

Alright but this better be good.

It’s a new primal.

The new primal threat is moogles.

MOOGLES.

Gridania sucks.

Bit of a twist on it though. The legend goes that ages ago moogles lived in the sky but then that place turned to shit, so Good King Moggle Mog let moogles escape down to the surface, staying behind himself to hold the door open. So he was a great mythological figure, but the moogles have apparently summoned him like a primal.

Papalymo wonders why, given that Garuda and Ultima Weapon are gone and thinks maybe a new threat has cropped up, but little sister seedseer here says it's probably because of all this other calamitous shit happening in recent months, and how it's all been caused by and then solved by outside forces, so the moogles are probably feeling jumpy.

Gee if only we'd even attempted to involve the beast tribes in our big unified operation to fight the Garlean invaders who were coming to wipe out everybody. It WOULD have been a nice story beat to have all the human races but not the beast tribes get together to beat Gaius, then point out how racist that was by having the moogles get scared and feel left out and summon a primal. Except, Minfilia already brought up how we should totally find a diplomatic solution to the beast tribes summoning primals problem before, and then, as I've mentioned, nobody ever even attempts diplomacy with the beastmen at any point. The fact that this Right Answer was brought up but then immediately forgotten just makes this current bit feel hollow and hypocritical. It's starting to give me like 'shitty white people making excuses and trying to absolve themselves of responsibility for systemic inequality' vibes.

That feeling is definitely not helped when the writers have our buddy moogle say the moogles who are attempting to do something about the status quo have gone too far and now we need to put them down, which we do, and then completely do not address their concerns.

Don't worry, we're not being racists, they're being mind controlled by evil monster gods.

There's some discussion here about whether or not Mog actually is a primal, but he basically counts as one for now, so naturally Kan-E-Senna wants Brash to go murder him.

Sheesh, do you guys even know what a Diplomacy is? Fuckin Gridania, man.

Yeah sorry, this post has a bunch of shit about systemic racism again.

I'LL QUIT HARPING ON IT WHEN FF14 QUITS FUCKIN SAYING REALLY RACIST SHIT

Is anyone listening to this motherfucker? Am I the only one horrified by statements like this? Wow yeah what a terrible burden it was for you that you had to kill those guys. You poor baby.

Oh well shit I guess the king's a monster and all the other moogles are psychopaths now. Alright well fine guess I'll kill him after all, what the fuck. Are primals just ALL like this? Just, one hundred percent chance of xenophobia and supremacism?

So way later there's like some more stuff about the nature of primals revealed, and it turns out they're more created on the spot rather than summoned, and they're created from the thoughts and wishes of the people doing the summoning. So I guess, considering Moggle Mog is a shitty racist, the moogles are actually shitty racists too? Considering Ifrit, Titan, and Garuda, I guess ALL beastmen are shitty racists? Is there anyone in this story who isn't a shitty racist or a caricature of a shitty racist? Sheesh, it's like the deep south. Is it possible to summon a primal who isn't a shitty racist? Just asking because like right at the end of Heavensward we find an EXTREMELY GOOD REASON why we might be interested in having a primal on our side.

Anyway Kuplo takes us to the entrance and opens the way, and Brash goes in to fight Mog. Or rather Brash goes to hang out with her squad of hot girls for five minutes while waiting for the fucking duty finder.

These wait times are sometimes short and sometimes extremely long. Crafting and sidequests exist so there's something to do while waiting for dungeons.

So Brash and seven other random people who happened to be nearby beat up Mog and his royal guards with particle effects.

When he dies he disappears in a big cloud of aether just like a primal, so turns out he was indeed one after all, or at least close enough.

Papalymo says it might be our definition that needs revising. That's good science, that is. You're alright, Papalymo, besides the racism.

I take it back. Fuck you for bringing them back into the story.

Yeah good luck with that shit you guys I'm goin home. and of course we do nothing about the moogles feelings of insecurity in a chaotic world. fuck’em, I guess.

Almost ready to leave for Revenant's Toll. Maybe now that the primal garbage and Alf's dumb pointless sidequest is out of the way we can do something interesting again. Minfilia is making final preparations to leave. Urianger's staying behind though and will keep using this place as a library or some such.

He waxes philosophically about moving on and looking back; about people who think themselves bold leaders but are really just recklessly diving into things they haven't looked into hard enough first. He's quick to back peddle a bit though and say Brash is nothing like that though.

yeah must be because of god, not like it could be my own accomplishment or anything huh

Then suddenly there's a scream. Brash rushes back to find Minfilia hurt on the ground.

She starts to tell Brash what oh come ON

Once again, we get a vision telling us what happened that interrupts someone telling us what happened. Alright fine, this fuckin thing. So what is it this time?

#minfilia warde #moogles #good king moggle mog #Kan-e-Senna #Papalymo #systemic racism #Gridania sucks #el11hypost #final fantasy 14 #final fantasy XIV #final fantasy a realm reborn #a realm reborn #ff14 #ffxiv #ffxiv arr #ff14 arr #critique #rant #analysis

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avengerscompound · 4 years

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Running to a Standstill - 14

Running to a Standstill: A Captain America Fanfic

Masterlist PREVIOUS //

Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Steve Rogers x F!Reader

Word Count: 3331

Rating: E

Warnings: Smut (MM, frottage, oral sex, anal fingering)

Synopsis: While on the run from an unknown organization trying to take your son, you meet two super-soldiers. While they try to help you get to the bottom of who is hunting you and your son, feelings come out and admissions are made that make your personal life even more tricky.

Chapter 14

Steve woke before both you and Bucky. He would normally get up and go for a run, but there was something too inviting about staying curled up in bed with both of you to resist.

Bucky had ended up in the middle, cuddled around you while Steve spooned him. Seeing him now, wrapped around you, reminded Steve of when they were still boys and hadn’t acknowledged how they felt. Steve would often wake up with Bucky draped over him. Steve had never liked feeling that small. He wondered if Bucky had liked being able to hold someone like that.

The bedroom door opened and a bleary-eyed looking Geo cuddling his tablet. He stuck his thumb in his mouth and just stared at the bed.

“Hey, G,” Steve said, softly. “You wanna climb in here with us?”

Geo shook his head and point at the door before shoving his thumb back in his mouth.

Steve smiled and untangled himself from Bucky. It wasn’t as easy as he thought, and Bucky grumbled and shifted closer to you. It was interesting. He’d walked in on Bucky sleeping a few times since getting him back and Bucky had always jolted awake and gone into a defensive position, prepared to be attacked. Yet here he was, deep asleep and not waking for either someone entering the room or being shuffled around. Steve wondered if Bucky was just more attuned to what was happening and who was with him, or he was just so relaxed that his usual expectations of being attacked had just failed to be set off.

Steve followed Geo out into the living room and the little boy went straight to the kitchen and pointed up at the cupboard where Steve kept his cereal. “You want some breakfast, buddy?”

Geo nodded and pointed again and Steve opened the cupboard. The array of cereal had definitely expanded since you moved in. He used to have granola, corn flakes, and cheerios. Now there were Honey Bunches of Oats, Rice Krispies, and Lucky Charms in there too. “Which one do you want, G?”

Geo still wasn’t talking. He just pointed again and Steve started to touch the boxes in the hope that Geo might nod when he touched the one he wanted.

“Captain Rogers,” FRIDAY announced. “Geo wanted me to tell you he wants Lucky Charms.”

Steve chuckled and got the box from the cupboards. “Thanks, FRIDAY,” he said. “You not ready to talk yet, Gee?”

Geo shook his head, his thumb firmly planted in his mouth.

Steve grabbed a plastic bowl and poured the cereal into it. “That’s okay. You don’t have to talk to anyone.”

He added milk to the cereal, grabbed a spoon, and set Geo up at the coffee table with a box of apple juice. He turned on some cartoons and Geo just sat quietly watching Scooby-Doo as he ate. Steve went back into the kitchen to try and figure out what he’d make for everyone else. He wasn’t really much of a cook. Or a cook at all. He liked to joke he could make a peanut butter sandwich and it would end up burned. While he considered what he could handle that was more than just toast and cereal, he put on the coffee.

You and Bucky emerged from the bedroom still looking like you were both not quite awake. Bucky came straight to the kitchen while you went and kissed Geo good morning.

“Were you trying to make breakfast?” Bucky asked.

“I was thinking about it,” Steve said. “It’s the thought that counts right?”

“You tell that to my stomach, pal,” Bucky teased and started pulling things out of the fridge.

“Thanks for getting Geo his breakfast,” you said, coming into the kitchen. “What are we making?”

“I was thinking omelets,” Bucky said. “We can put what we like in them.”

“Sounds perfect,” you agreed and grabbed a bowl and started cracking eggs into it. “So I was thinking…”

Steve looked over at you. There was an edge to your voice that told him you were overthinking things again.

“I’m really worried about Geo starting to see you as … well dads I guess,” you said. You spoke quietly, clearly not wanting Geo to overhear. “At least not until we’re all absolutely sure this is it for all of us. And it’s far too early for that. I was already concerned about him forming too strong bonds with everyone here. I don’t want him to start getting separation anxiety on top of everything else.”

“So what were you thinkin’, hon?” Bucky asked, looking up from the cutting he was doing.

“Well, I’m staying here because it’s not safe too. But ideally, I wouldn’t be living with Steve,” you explained. “I’m wondering if I should start sleeping in Geo’s room again. Not always. Just… so he doesn’t get the image of us in bed together connected with the way parents sleep in the same bed in TV shows. You know?”

Steve nodded, though he couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed.

“I think maybe you shouldn’t sleep over all the time either, Buck. Just … you know?” You said.

Bucky nodded too and rubbed your back. “I get it.”

“But I think this could be good for us too, because… I think we should also spend time together as couples. Particularly you two. I think you have to … explore some things together without me,” you explained. “You know what I mean?”

Steve couldn’t fault your logic. There had been so much he and Bucky had missed out on and even though he’d enjoyed the sex he’d had with you both, there were probably things they needed to try one-on-one too. It was good to make sure the bonds with each other were as strong as the bonds as a trio were too. “It makes sense,” he agreed.

“Good,” you said, sounding relieved. “So I don’t know, maybe some nights we all sleep here, some nights it’s just me and Bucky, and some night you guys sleepover in Bucky’s apartment. And we just… take turns with this being Geo’s home. Does that … is that okay?”

“It’s a really good idea,” Bucky agreed. “And trust me, the last thing we want to do is hurt Geo. So we’ll be careful.”

“Thanks, Bucky,” you said. “I mean, I want this to work…”

“Of course you do,” Steve said. “We all do, but you’re right to protect him.”

“So, uh…” Bucky said, getting a pan out. “How do we decide?”

“Yeah, that’s tricky,” you said. “Don’t want people to feel left out, so how about tonight, that is if you’re both available, you guys go on a first date. You have a lot of time to make up.”

“You really wouldn’t mind?” Steve asked.

You shook your head. “Geo and I can watch a movie and have an early night.”

“Alright, Buck? What do you think? Want to go out for dinner with me?” Steve asked.

Bucky smiled. It was genuine and Steve could see the love he felt reflected back at him. “I’d love to, Stevie.”

Steve took Bucky to a jazz club in the end. It was dark and loud and very difficult to talk, but Steve didn’t feel like he needed to talk to Bucky. He and Bucky had talked and talked and talked and talked. It was time for all the other things they’d missed out on. The holding hands on the table. The sharing bites of each other’s food. The cuddling. The stolen kisses. He needed to have the dance. He wanted the dance he had failed to get in all his years on earth.

The jazz club was perfect because of how dark and loud it was. He didn’t have to worry about saying the wrong thing or having people’s eyes on him. The food was good but not outside his comfort zone, so he didn’t have to worry about the wrong choice. Most importantly, he could dance to music that was familiar to him with the man he had been in love with since 1935.

Steve had chosen familiar foods. It was food he’d imagined would have seemed so fancy to him back when he was a kid. A shrimp cocktail for starters and rib-eye steak for his entree. He even ordered a martini, like he was playing at being a spy and this was the persona he needed to fit.

Bucky was a little more daring, ordering grilled asparagus with goat’s cheese to start and mussels served in a garlic and white wine broth for his entree.

It almost didn’t matter in the end though. They sat close to each other on their tiny table and they switched plates back and forth as they ate. Steve got all the things he’d imagined when he was young when he thought about going out on a date with Bucky. Only no one cared that it was two men sitting there, holding hands and stealing kisses. The floor was always packed with people swing dancing.

They were finishing up their meals when Bucky leaned into him. “Are you actually going to ask me to dance, pal?”

Steve smiled and his face flushed. “Will you lead? I still don’t know how.”

“Yeah, Stevie,” Bucky said, standing and offering Steve his hand. “I’ll lead.”

Bucky led Steve around the dance floor, spinning him and dipping him. The more they danced the more comfortable Steve felt and the better he got. Until they were both laughing and jiving together in the crowd of people.

The music changed from something up-tempo to something slow and sexy. For a moment Steve considered sitting down. It was one thing to jitterbug with Bucky, it was another completely to slow dance with him in front of all these people. Bucky didn’t seem to question it for a second, he just pulled Steve close and put his hands on Steve’s hips. They slowly swayed together on the dance floor, cheek-to-cheek. The smell of Bucky’s cologne, warm and woody, mixed with the salt on his skin, seemed to cut through the smell of sweat and alcohol and cooking that otherwise dominated the room. It was just him and Bucky, and while part of him wished you were here too to be part of this, he appreciated that it was just Bucky. It felt right.

“I want you to take me home,” Bucky whispered against Steve’s ear. Normally Bucky saying something like that would make Steve worry he was in the midst of a panic attack. There was something completely different about it this time. Something dark and sexy.

Steve took his hand and led him off the dance floor. He settled the check as quickly as he could and the two made their way back out and flagged down a cab.

Bucky kept nosing at Steve’s cheek and trying to initiate a kiss. Steve wasn’t ready for that yet. Not so publicly. It wasn’t Bucky. He’d be the same with you too. Public displays of affection made him feel awkward.

“Stevie,” Bucky teased, nipping at Steve’s earlobe.

“Just be patient,” Steve said, nudging Bucky.

The car pulled up at the front of the Avengers Tower and Steve paid while Bucky tried to drag him out of the back seat.

When they got into the elevator Bucky pushed him up against the wall and kissed him hungrily. Steve couldn’t stop smiling into Bucky’s lips even as the other man fumbled at his belt and dragged him close so their hips touched.

The elevator opened and Bucky practically dragged Steve down to his apartment. “So eager, Buck,” Steve teased as he let Bucky pull him through the door into his apartment.

Bucky’s apartment was always impossibly clean, but pretty homey. The couch was a soft black leather but most everything else was timber. A mixture of stained ash, cedar, and white paint. He had art on the walls. Mostly photography or vector art of cars or motorcycles, but there was a sketch Steve had done of the view down the street from Bucky’s fire escape. It was a recent one and done by memory. Something Steve had drawn in the hopes of prodding Bucky’s memory. There was also a calendar on the wall set on the wrong month with a print of Van Gogh’s Sunflowers.

“I just -“ he looked over to the bedroom. “-you know?”

Steve laughed and began to unbutton Bucky’s shirt. “It’s not like we did that very long ago.”

“Yeah,” Bucky said, grabbing the waistband of Steve’s pants and dragging him toward the bedroom. “And it was good. And now I want to do it again.”

Bucky started to kiss Steve’s neck as he unfastened his pants and Steve pushed Bucky’s shirt off. Steve trailed his fingers along the scarring that connected Bucky’s arm to his shoulder. Bucky flinched and took Steve’s hand and moved it down to his side.

“Sorry,” Steve whispered, kissing Bucky’s neck. “Does it hurt?”

Bucky shook his head. “No… well yeah, always. But not more when you touch it. I just hate it. Don’t want to be reminded of it now.”

“I’m sorry,” Steve said. He got it. It was a constant brutal reminder of what had happened to him. What he’d lost and how he’d been changed. Steve got sensitive about people pointing out his looks after he had the serum when they ignored him so much before it. The arm and the scarring would be much worse than that.

“Don’t worry,” Bucky said and brought his lips to Steve’s. They kissed passionately. Their lips moved against each other’s, as Bucky pulled Steve back towards the bed. Steve unfastened Bucky’s fly and pushed his pants down. When Bucky was down to just his boxer briefs, he pushed Steve back onto the bed and straddled his lap, kissing him hungrily as he ground his hips against Steve’s.

Steve was still fully dressed and his cock began to strain against his pants. He could feel Bucky’s erection with each roll of the other man’s hips. It rubbed against Steve’s and a little wet patch began to form on Bucky’s underwear.

Steve ran his hands down Bucky’s back and gripped his ass, pulling him firmer against him. “Fuck, Steve… I want you…” Bucky groaned.

“I’m yours, Buck,” Steve whispered.

Bucky began to frantically undress Steve, fumbling with the buttons of his shirt and the buckle on his belt. Steve lay back and tangled his hands in Bucky’s hair, letting him take the lead. When Bucky had finally stripped Steve of his clothes, he looked down into his eyes and ran his metal hand over Steve’s chest.

Steve was achingly hard but a little unsure what to do next and it looked like Bucky might be feeling a little lost too. Steve pushed Bucky’s boxers down and wrapped his hand around both their cocks and began to pump them in his hand as they were pressed together.

“Fuck, Stevie,” Bucky groaned. “That feels so good.”

Steve rolled them both over so he was on top. “I want you to feel good,” he whispered and began to kiss Bucky’s neck. Bucky reached over to his bedside table and fumbled around as Steve began to kiss his way down Bucky’s chest. There was a crash as the drawer fell to the ground and Steve looked up startled to see Bucky holding a tube of lubricant up almost triumphantly.

“What do you want?” Steve asked, taking it from Bucky.

“Stretch me,” Bucky said, the hint of pleading in his voice.

Steve nodded and slicked his fingers with the thick gel. Bucky wrapped his arms around his knees, lifting them so Steve had better access to his ass. Steve teased his fingers over Bucky’s tight hole and very slowly began to ease one inside. Bucky closed his eyes and his head fell back with his lips slightly parted. A soft low moan escaped his lips and Steve couldn’t help but admire how beautiful Bucky looked when he let himself enjoy something.

Steve dropped his head down, pulling Bucky’s cock into his mouth. He licked a salty bead of pre-come off the head of Bucky’s cock, savoring the taste of the man he’d been in love with for so long and appreciating the fact he was finally getting to have this. He eased his finger in deeper, moving it in and out as he slowly bobbed his head up and down on Bucky’s cock, testing his own limits as he tested Bucky’s.

Bucky gave himself to his pleasure. Relaxing into it. He squirmed under Steve and moaned loudly. It was happening very quickly. Steve had only gotten his finger into one knuckle when Bucky’s cock began to throb in Steve’s mouth. Steve kept the same steady pace. He wanted Bucky to enjoy this. No pain. No shame. Just pleasure. He moved his finger in and out, pushing it in a little more each time but never forcing it. If Bucky clenched, he’d pull back, when he relaxed, Steve would push in deeper.

He took Bucky’s cock deeper into his throat, gagging a little as he did. His mouth stretched around his thick shaft but he enjoyed it. His own cock was hard and leaking as he pleasured Bucky. Bucky’s moans became panting and his hips started to buck up into Steve’s mouth.

“Steve,” he moaned. “Stevie, I’m gonna come.”

Steve moved a little faster and sucked a little harder and with a loud moan, Bucky arched his back and came, his cock releasing straight down Steve’s throat. There was so much, and Steve swallowed it all, saving the thick and salty mess. He moaned as he pulled off and slid his fingers from Bucky’s ass.

Bucky almost jumped up pulling Steve into a passionate and frantic kiss. “Fuck, Stevie,” he mumbled between kisses. “I wanna do you. Can I?”

“Yeah,” Steve laughed, Bucky’s lips still firmly on his. “Yeah, Buck. I’d like that.”

Bucky guided Steve onto his back and scrambled down Steve’s body. He quickly slicked the fingers with the lube and dropped down, sucking Steve’s cock. Steve groaned at the warm, wet pressure of Bucky’s mouth. He kept his eyes locked on him, enjoying the view as Bucky sucked up and down his cock. Bucky massaged Steve’s asshole as he bobbed his head up and down on his cock. It sent a warm tingled running through Steve, and his head felt pleasantly fuzzy with it. There was a slight burn as Bucky’s finger eased in. Steve hadn’t been expecting how completely good that would feel, even the slight pain that happened the deeper Bucky pushed his finger was the good kind, like after a good workout. He groaned and began to roll his hips up into Bucky’s mouth. Bucky let him push in deeper and started adding a second finger. The burn was more but Steve enjoyed that too. He moaned loudly, letting himself really experience it.

As Bucky’s fingers moved deeper and faster in and out of Steve’s ass, Steve began to pant and his cock twitched and throbbed. Bucky moaned as it began to leak precum down his throat. Bucky’s fingers touched on this sweet spot inside Steve and Steve gasped and jerked his hips. “Fuck!” I cursed, and he came hard and without warning. His orgasm seemed to start in his gut, something he’d never experienced before. The intensity of it shocked him. Bucky choked and pulled back, spilling Steve’s come on his stomach.

Bucky pulled his finger out and collapsed down on the bed beside Steve.

“That was…” Steve hummed.

“Mmm,” Bucky agreed.

Steve sat up and kissed Bucky’s stomach. “Let’s take a shower.”

Bucky smiled and got up with him. As they went into the bathroom Steve felt warm and grateful that you’d given this time alone. You were right, you all needed that. But still, he was looking forward to tomorrow when it would be all three of you again.

// NEXT

#steve rogers #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x steve rogers x reader #bucky barnes x reader #steve rogers x reader #stucky #stucky x reader #captain america #the winter soldier #captain america fanfic #the winter soldier fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #reader insert #smut #running to a standstill

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marens-liveblog · 3 years

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My data was being very rude to me today so I couldn't post my reactions to most of Ninjago episode 2 in real time so have a whole bunch at once that I wrote down.

gee do to think we are or are not going to use this mysterious flute during this episode?

y'all, please clean up your pizza don't just leave it out

oh ho ho Zane episode??? I think I might remember this one. Is it falcon time?

oh man I remember this conversation SO distinctly, how many times did I rewatch this episode when I was younger for me to remember this so clearly

wh WHY ISNT ZANE IN THR FRIGE I REMEMBER LOSING MY MIND OVER THAT!!

ok I switched over to the YouTube videos, there he is in all his fridge glory

aksjkdd fricken bonk

oh we're comparing Zane to garmadon here??? Interesting contrast sensei I wish he went into that more

the mailman!!!! Here to be the best possible side character! Absolute MVP

hehehe this IS the episode I think it is

(Tbc)

#Ninreep2 #Ninjago #Sssnakes #Scales #Mailman #Sensei Wu #Garmadon #Zane

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ickletheficklepickle · 3 years

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911 Fox Season 5 Premier Episode 1: Panic Commentary, Reactions and Other things. It’s a long rant. I go off tangent and on a tangent. Obviously, spoilers abound! Below the cut.

Okay- so the zoo animals in the beginning. I love LOVE giraffes. So when I saw the giraffe, which I knew was coming up I legit told everyone in the room, “SHHH!”

I can’t wait to see the rest of all that, it’s going to be so great. Because their reactions to all the animals was just priceless haha. Anyways- So Eddie is meeting Ana’s family, and Buck being all, “Oh that’s a big step.” And you can kind of tell already that Eddie was a little apprehensive about the idea. And noticed how he faltered a bit when explaining about the last time when Chris wore a suit. This MAN! Has not even- he is clearly still processing that. As evident in the department store when shopping for suits. Okay- so I am a big Buddie Fan. Was before I started the show- I watched an episode on a whim. Got into it. Started going into the 911 Fox tag and wondered- “So these guys aren’t together” cause all these gifs say other wise. Watched Episode 1 of Season 2 and was like, “I am on the SHIP” My brother who doesn’t even watch the show religiously, watched that Episode with me and went, “So is this where it started?” Anyways- the scene in the department store was, Ana and Eddie still seem a little awkward around each other. That’s just Buddie aside. My friend who doesn’t even SHIP Buddie sees it. There seems to be no chemistry. I think I wasn’t a fan of Ana since that comment about the skateboard, also because just, I wish the writers gave her character more life. Just something, anything to flesh out her character more. Anyways- I’m going off topic. Eddie legit had an anxiety attack, a panic attack at the thought of this Ana being a mother figure of Christopher. Like he heard that, he started getting shortness of breath, he watched as she got down to his level and adjust his suit and his vision got skewed and he passed out. LIKE MY MAN! “I don’t panic” SIR! You just told Frank back in Season 3 about how you don’t want Chris to be like you and to hide things. YOU ARE HIDING THINGS! DENYING THINGS! IN FRONT OF YOUR SON! JUST! I’m so glad Chris told the damn doctor, “He was shot” Because Eddie was lying, and he wanted Ana to like lie to. And poor Ana, I’m sure she didn’t want overstep so she kind of backed off a little. Which okay- I get but that may drive a wedge into them. I don’t even know what to say about the whatever his name is. I don’t even know his name. The S.O.B who was representing himself and was so smug about and that trial was just BS. And I just was screaming the whole time that this man, got attacked this woman was able to question them. Why?! I’m so hoping that he gets caught and this time, he is done. Avoiding the court hearing/ running during a court hearing , impersonating a police officer, kidnapping, aiding in the murder of a police officer, attacking a police officer, stalking and rape. Just, JUSTICE needs to be SERVED or I will scream. And Maddie :-(, she’s sleeping a lot. Now it we got a time frame, it looks like 4 months have passed- in the hospital they mentioned Eddie getting shot 4 months ago. Chimney being so worried. Just. My heart! I hope they dive into this- this is a serious topic and it would be nice if it wasn’t glazed over. And just, Jee-Yun looks so damn cute. OH EM GEE! I want to squeeze her. My brother was so excited about the ransomware and them talking about it. He is in school right now I think Computer IT or something. And he was like “We just learned this! I know this!” So he was talking about it as they were. OH! And I enjoyed the Hen and Karen Miachel and David Bobby and Athena And Toni Get together that so sweet. And Harry is such a sweet boy, “You sit mom and we sit serve you! Like a restaurant”

They really had to end the episode like that. With the helicopter and Athena going, “Yes, we caught him.” Oh! And Buck and Eddie arguing like a married couple. BUDDIE CONTENT! I’m so stoked for NEXT WEEK!

Now, excuse me while I go reblog a bunch of shit.

#911 fox #911 spoilers #spoilers #viewing commentary #ickle excursions #ickle rants

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theliterarywolf · 4 years

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How was the sequel to Tales from The Hood, a shitshow?

The original Tales from the Hood, while having some campy horror elements, still managed to present its stories and tone competently while still incorporating themes of struggles of black Americans in urban areas.

Examples:

A black politician who’s been trying to fight against police corruption gets beaten to death and injected with drugs post-mortem by said corrupt cops to slander his name. The politician returns from the dead to exact vengeance. Obviously this short tackles police brutality and corruption.

A little boy and his mother who are constantly beaten and abused by what he draws and identifies as a ‘monster’ who, it turns out, is the mother’s new boyfriend. The theme here is Domestic Violence and how often people try to brush it under the rug as just a way of life in the community.

A former klansman-turned senator buys a building called ‘The Dollhouse’ that is of high historical significance to the local black community, despite their wishes and complaints, to serve as the headquarters for his racist campaign to become governor. The house in of itself was where a confederate-supporter, after the loss of the Civil War, decided to murder all of his slaves rather than see them freed. Their restless souls haunted the place until a ‘voodoo woman’ managed to calm their souls and place them into dolls. You can pretty much guess where this is going and the themes.

The final entry centers around a gang-member who, after getting hunted and shot down by rival gang-members, is taken into police custody and is given one last chance for freedom by a doctor’s new, radical behavioral therapy program. Said therapy takes a note right out of A Clockwork Orange and bombards our main character with alternating images of brutal gang-violence and KKK lynchings. After which, he is berated with apparitions of all the people he’s shot and killed; including a little girl who was a victim during one of his drive-by shootings. Of course, this kind of therapy will only be successful if the subject shows some remorse...

And all of this is wrapped in a framing device of three gang-members trying to find some drugs at a funeral-home, even harassing the funeral-director, which turns out to be a portal into hell.

... *deep breath*

I have to do a ‘Read More’ because this post got long. But I implore you guys to read on to see the abyss of insanity and bad directions that were taken in regards to the sequel of this movie. Please.

The sequel decided to throw ALL NUANCE AND TACT out of the window and give us such wonderful stories as:

A white girl and a black girl are on a road-trip and decide to go to the... ugh... Museum of Negrosity where the owner chastises them on thinking that the uncomfortable racist memorabilia he owns (collections of minstrel show cartoons, golliwog and pickaninny dolls) are things of the past instead of acknowledging them as parts of America’s racist past. And, for some reason, the white girl is obsessed with buying one of the golliwog dolls because she had one when she was little. Anyway, they sneak back in later with the white girl’s brother who happens to be the black girl’s boyfriend, so they can steal one of the dolls. Through hijinks, the doll comes to life and grows to the size of a human being. The brother/boyfriend gets whipped to death, the black girl gets cut in half by a minstrel-colored guillotine, and the white girl... Fucks the giant golliwog doll, gets pregnant, and a few days later, has her stomach torn open as a bunch of baby versions of the doll go flying out everywhere.

Some gang-members track down a former pimp who’s changed his ways to try and shake him down for some owed money. He doesn’t comply, so they kill him but, golly-gee! How are they going to get the money now~? Oh, I know! Hold a scam medium hostage so he can perform a seance to talk to the pimp to find out about the money. But, oh no~ It looks like the medium’s powers decide to actually work this time~ Ooh~

Two douchebags hookup with two hot chicks and, after the world’s worst game of Cards Against Humanity, they decide to roofie the girls so they can record themselves raping them so they can post it to ‘le dark web’. ... Lo’ and behold, the girls turn out to be vampires who were playing 4D chess to rope the two douchebags in so they can use them for their own recording-something-brutal-to-post-online scheme.

And... The LAST one. Oh my God, the LAST ONE. *deep breath* Okay.

So we follow a black republican councilman who is married to a white woman and they’re expecting a baby after a long line of miscarriages. But the wife is having weird bouts of bad dreams and insomnia. What are the bad dreams about?

... I need you guys to understand. That I am not shitposting when I type the following words. *deep breath* Okay.

The wife is being haunted by the ghost of Emmett Till telling her that she doesn’t deserve to have her baby. You know? Emmett Till? The victim of one of the most brutal, horrific murders in America due to one of the most disgusting, vile acts of racism? THAT EMMETT TILL?!

So..! The black councilman is working for a white politician who... I’m just going to put a direct quote from the movie so you can get where they were coming from.

“That man wants to close down ten more voting locations, all of them in black districts!”

Anyway, after a house-call from a doctor who brushes off the dreams as hormones, the councilman hosts a party for the politician who’s running slogan is ‘Let’s take Mississippi back!’ Gee-golly-willickers! Can’t imagine where they were coming from with that one!!

So the party goes on, the politician even congratulating our councilman on his ‘white wife’, but said wife rushes downstairs after having another dream; ranting about ‘that boy from the field has decided to LIVE! And if he lives, our baby’s going to die!’ And she runs outside with a machete to try and kill the ghost of Emmett Till (who, again, very real person and victim of racist brutality).

So the councilman’s mother and the local voodoo expert drive up and the voodoo expert tells the councilman that Emmett Till is trying to talk to him about the nature of sacrifice. The next day, the wife is talking about how her stomach is getting smaller, but the councilman doesn’t want to hear any of it and calls the doctor again. And, guys..?! If shit hadn’t jumped the rails before?! The train just starts doing cartwheels from here.

The doctor is suspiciously short-tempered with the politician this time around and he does examine the wife to confirm that her stomach is indeed shrinking. However, when he’s told that the councilman is the father, he storms out and snaps “I don’t work for coloreds!”

Then the wife runs out of bed and tells the doctor that the councilman isn’t her husband and that he kidnapped and raped her. So both the wife and the doctor drive off and the councilman realizes that the world has somehow gone back to the era of Jim Crow.

... Oooh my gosh, typing this is making me want to commit toaster-bath but it gets so much worse..!

So, after the voodoo expert comes to chastise the councilman about not ‘respecting the sacrifices that have been gifted to you’, he is able to see the ghost of Emmett Till (who was a real person, why is this happening..?!) who is there to tell him that he’s decided that he wants to live. Which means that the world will never see the brutal images of his body at his funeral and that will cause a Butterfly Effect in history that will make it so that the Civil Rights Movement never happened.

You may be questioning the logistics of this, but don’t worry! The ghosts of the girls killed in the 1963 16th Street Baptist Church Bombing in Birmingham come to explain and further berate the councilman about ‘respecting the sacrifices that have been gifted to him’ and working for a racist politician.

But wait! There’s more! *whines* I keep crying out to God but he won’t answer...

They’re soon joined by the ghosts of the three Freedom Riders who were killed during the Mississippi Burning Murders, the ghost of Civil Rights Activist Medgar Evers, and DR. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.

Not to mention several other unnamed figures who walk up while everyone else starts chanting about ‘respecting the sacrifices that have been gifted to you’, who look like Rosa Parks and Frederick Douglass, just to name a few.

... I need a drink. I need a cold, stiff drink. ... Almost done.

So, in comes the Klan. You know, the white-robed bastards; I hear they have an outreach center a few cities away from me. Sure, fine, whatever. The wife is leading them along with the white politician who hits the councilman’s mother in the face with a baton and Emmett Till stops time just as reinforcements show up to tell the councilman that, in order for everything to go back to normal, he has to join the ranks of those who sacrificed.

“If what you want is worth us dying for, how come its not worth you dying for?!”

And, at first, the councilman disagrees; even being dragged away by Klansmen. However! It’s his wife angrily spitting in his face that makes him realize that this world isn’t the world he wants to live in. So he runs over to Emmett Till to tell him that he will join him... And then he’s beaten to death, becoming a sacrifice to get the world back to normal. And, once it is, his spirit joins Emmett Till’s and walks off into the great beyond.

So! Not only did this schlocky, B-movie horror movie sequel decide to use a REAL LIFE VICTIM of racism-driven brutality as a story-device, but it also wants to put forth the message that the people who lost their lives during the Civil Rights Movement? Yeah, they HAD to die! Otherwise the Civil Rights Movement would never have happened~!

You see why I hate the sequel to Tales from the Hood so much? Not even mentioning the terrible framing segments of a racial-profiling robot being told these stories so it knows what ‘criminals’ to go after, but this movie is just a temple of ‘WHY?! WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?!?!?!’

#Anonymous #replies

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thatdamnokie · 4 years

Text

so, as everybody knows, our man, the lovely mark strong, turned 57 this past august 5th

since the kingsman films have had a huge influence on several aspects of my day-to-day life (gee, wonder what group of people i could be referring to...), i decided to sit down and do something i’ve been thinking about since getting my medical card earlier this year: getting high as a kite and watching them back-to-back.

to celebrate mark’s birthday, i decided to do another running commentary post like the one i did for rocknrolla ages ago, under the cut. it’s a pretty similar style, which is to say not necessarily super coherent and might be hard to understand if you’ve never seen the movies. D:

there are some mentions of the roanoke society, but not many.

if even just one person finds this mildly entertaining for four seconds, then i’ll have done my job. there is a lot of cursing and this is NOT spoiler-free.

enjoy~

edited 9.1.20 to correct typos and such, please remember that i was Not Sober while i wrote this lmao

how many times have i watched these movies at this point? i don’t even know.

i always liked the nifty like—retro arcade marv opening animation

and the thing with the tapes! we love book-ending devices!

kingsman: badass motherfuckers worldwide incorporated

like why was merlin even with them? i understand why lee and james would be there, but merlin, was he not acting quartermaster then?

i have SO MANY FEELINGS about lee unwin

i think it haunts harry and merlin more than anyone thinks, but these are fun spy movies so we just don’t talk about trauma and shit, don’tcha know

don’t look at how merlin tears up and tell me he doesn’t drink about it *HEAVILY* later

it’s such a stark contrast to see the 1990s interior vs. what it’s like when eggsy’s grown :(

michelle baby i’m so sorry. you deserved better than this.

and BABY EGGSY

omg. like this scene is both heartbreaking but is also adorable.

colin firth has gd anime legs, that dude had to straight up unfold himself as he stood up lmao

aaannnnd swooping logo, whooooo, goin’ over some mountains~

and mark hamill, ladies and gentlemen!

this whole thing with james deciding to kinda go rogue makes me wish that we knew more about his backstory as well. like, is this james being james, or was this a weird one-off situation and he was just unlucky?

YES unlucky. nobody could plan for the hurricane of sleek destruction that is gazelle

who has one of my favorite aesthetic designs as a villain (although i guess i’d put her more on maybe henchman level? but idk, it seems like valentine looked at her more as a partner, less like an assistant? and they had a very interesting chemistry together too, like i would’ve added more valentine x gazelle scenes)

i would LOVE to be this chill about just—draping blankies over bodies

blankies over bodies sounds like a cool band name

DIBS you guys can’t have it

i am SO GLAD samuel l. jackson gave valentine a lisp!

valentine, to me, does fit a lot of the usual spy movie villain tropes

but since this movie doesn’t take itself super serious, it’s more fun than annoying

and we never hear about any of the other knights?? like

half of this is just gonna be me whining for additional footage that there just wouldn’t have been room for realistically lmao

michael caine, you are lovely

MARK STRONG, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN

WITH LEGS THAT DON’T QUIT AND AN ACCENT THAT I’D DIE FOR

i’m an embarrassment

like let’s all stop and thank god that mark didn’t have time to learn the welsh accent

not that i would’ve been disappointed, because all accents are good accents on this blog

but at this point i can’t imagine merlin as—not scottish

“try picking a more suitable candidate this time”

arthur you DICK

like were you this cold-blooded when lee died, you fuckin’ reptilian-ass son of a bitch

no wonder you were charlie’s pledge person thing

and enter the fabulous taron egerton, stage left!

DEAN you are DISGUSTING

god, michelle, you need better friends, if you were my bro this entire relationship would’ve never happened

;-; and eggsy’s so sweet with his sister! i know there probably wasn’t “room” for it but i AM glad that there are scenes showing that family is one of eggsy’s kinda “core values”or whatever you want to call it

dude is a hufflepuff through and through imo

can you imagine eggsy as a villain? we would be so fucked. he’s sly, he’s smart, he could’ve made life v e r y difficult for lots of people if he really wanted to

but look at him with the squad!

eggsy’s just like the british version of a good ol’ boy

this car scene is some dukes of hazzard bullshit (ramp-jumping and fun car horn aside)

if butterflies are harry’s main symbolic critter, would foxes be eggsy’s? or would it be a pug instead? i guess that’s like asking if harry would be either a butterfly or a cairn terrier, like mr. pickle. let’s say both.

this fandom is pretty on top of character associations like that

you get symbolic associations! YOU get symbolic associations! EVERYONE gets symbolic associations whether they’re actually in the canon or not! don’t have any? don’t worry, we’ll assign you at least one!

the guy playing the interviewing officer is ALSO the patriarch in the witch which i didn’t realize until—like, a while after

and it was while @circlesofbone was visiting, and we were just “oh, okay, guess we can’t escape this cast at all, this is fine”

“your father saved my life.”

harry you’re such a fucking peacock, waiting all posted up and posing so you’ll look cool

you big doofus

i’d kill to be inside his head during this first conversation with eggsy though

like is eggsy like lee? is harry seeing lee the entire time he’s talking to his son, in his mannerisms, how he carries himself, how he speaks?

or is eggsy the opposite? which—i don’t know if that would somehow be sadder?

there’s just a lot going on in the background of this bit that’s left up to interpretation

“although i’m sure it’s well-founded—“

harry’s just so casual about this entire thing, nobody’s that casual without practice

harry you rabble-rouser, what kind of life have you led

“manners. maketh. man.”

our timeless motto, my flowers

kingsman STILL to this DAY has some of the most well-choreographed fight scenes i’ve ever seen??

like yeah the church scene but even just this initial bar fight

harry could’ve been a dancer

in a way i guess he already is

like he moves so fluidly and gracefully, it is BONKERS

colin you did so good! i’m so proud!

the way eggsy’s just O.O

whether or not you ship hartwin, like, you gotta admit, that was hot

and his BODY LANGUAGE, he’s sitting like RAMROD straight, this poor dude lmao

nobody prepares you for a situation like that in public school is all i’m saying

harry, exiting stage left like a suave, smooth motherfucker

remember when iggy azalea was relevant

ugghhhh i hate this part

“I WASN’T WITH NO ONE”

can you imagine being harry hart listening to your dead friend’s son getting the shit beat out of him

like, surely he heard the cleaver, he knows dean was going to fucking gut eggsy right?

listen to how cold and icy his voice gets, oof

yeah, he’s pissed, and dean is lucky

PARKOUR

ugh, i want to go to london ;-; i want to walk in front of the shop and visit harry’s house and kiss cute english boys

i’d like to think harry’s super excited to show eggsy everything but he’s gotta keep it dialed back because “decorum”

the way eggsy pauses though

“come on.”

and he says it so softly.

if i was eggsy, i’d be nervous, too.

but i didn’t realize how quickly harry tries to give off signals like “hey there’s no reason to be scared.”

“like my fair lady?” “well, you’re full of surprises.” <3 one of my favorite sceneeesss.

harry’s voice is so soothing but eggsy is so freaked out by the elevator that he’s just—there’s no room for anything else beyond processing the elevator lmao

“how deep does this fucking thing go?” asking the real questions

aannnddd KINGSMAN BULLET TRAIN

i’d like to think they have like soft jazz or something playing in there

and then they get to the hangar and there are obviously a buuuuunch of people out on the tarmac that we just—never hear about? i just assume they’re all like technical officers or maybe other agents

“your father had the same look on his face. … as did i.”

harry is already rooting for him.

“late again, sir.”

that. brogue.

fuck, i could listen to him talk for hours, scottish accents are my favorite thing

#squadgoals

not a very diverse cast :/

the body bag speeeeech

and of course nobody was in any actual danger, but merlin doesn’t want them to know that so he becomes mr. hard as steel, i am emotionally stoic at all times, do not test me you bunch of rugrats

“classic army technique.”

ROXY

ROXY I WANT TO JUST HOLD YOU IN MY ARMS TT.TT

aannnnddd charlie, also

who we might’ve found sympathy for if we knew aaannyytthiinnggg else about his backstory

like, could he just be Like That, yeah

but most people i know who are assholes like that are that way because their parents were first /shrug/

can hardly fault the dude for turning out like that when poison was all he was given to drink

anyone else a hundred percent positive they would’ve drowned in the first trial

i would absolutely have panicked and bit it

but then again, i’m not kingsman material, i’m roanoke

and if this is the exact same test that merlin and harry went through, does that mean there might be some weird drowning trauma hidden back in there that’s just ANOTHER thing we’re not gonna talk about?

(yes the correct answer is yes)

god that’s such an american response to the problem though

glass can’t cause problems if it’s in a million pieces!

“yeah you can wipe those smirks off your faces…”

i wonder if there was ever a situation where a trainee actually drowned

and i don’t mean like amelia, i mean some poor kid who just failed the test

merlin knows how to put the fear of god in people though!

and mark strong, very handsome, yes, very scary, also yes

he and colin both look like they’re 80 percent leg in every single scene

harry literally had brain matter smatter ALL OVER HIS FACE and still somehow had the mental facilities to be aware of those dudes, leave a bomb and dive out of a window (and then escape said dudes)

billy badass, y’all

“just get it done.” okay, i took back what i said earlier, maybe he does see her as more of an assistant, less than a partner. their relationship is weird.

the puppy scene!

“it’s a bulldog innit?”

YASSSS the golden trio

because of what happened with our other canon charlie has become a weird character for me to watch, like, yeah, i “watch” charlie be himself in tss but the charlie i “see” is like—”our” charlie.

“bollocks!” and then he just runs with jb in his vest, makes me smile

aannddd we see valentine’s super cool factory

harry your hair gets so long <3

“water!” wow, who wants to bet that the fact he was instantly screaming means that maybe he’s gonna have some stuff to talk about in therapy later

roxy baby i’m sorry they made you hold the balloon and have to trust these dumbasses to not shoot you on accident

i would trust roxy to not shoot me

i love, love love valentine’s house

it’s gorgeous

set design is always such a cool way for filmmakers to include details about a character using pure aesthetics and i’m such a slut for it

tilde!

see also: one of the characters done the WORST by these movies imo!

the fact that she not only says no, she says no with enthusiasm and gets blatantly pissed, is one of the best insights we get into tilde’s character and then it just—gets wasted

like it takes three steps and then gets mowed down in the hallway like her guards

i would never be given the opportunity to be asked if i wanted an implant but i draw the line at having stuff put into my neck

awwww harry’s so proud!

that finger point “yeah, see, be more like your uncle”

merlin is SO TALL

“a bit much innit?”

he’s just—tapping a normal clipboard

… nobody wanna talk about how that’s a normal clipboard

anyway

i also love how they show him in professor sweaters for the beginning acts of the movie

definitely a softer aesthetic than one would guess for a dude who apparently did field missions sometime within the past decade or so, but i also have a theory that lee’s death directly contributed to merlin maybe being the man behind the screen as opposed to afield

because trauma is a thing but this is a FUN movie so we’re NOT gonna talk about it

“you’re gonna be all right. you’re top of the class!” this was the scene that made my mom a reggsy shipper

regardless of how you feel about them as a couple, their friendship is one of the best things about this movie, along with their dynamic with charlie, asjdnaskdjna WHY could we not have had a trio movie instead

eggsy you show-off “lemme just throw my arms up and dip outta this plane like it’s not a big deal”

roxy you can do it!

ugh, there goes my baby, off to have a near-death experience under merlin’s immediate supervision lmao

“good girl, rox, glad you made it!”

guys, they’re just kids.

i love this big group scene because it reminds us that these are just young folks, still

“my, my, you’re all very cheerful...”

“rufus, come on!” dude eggsy—and not even just eggsy, charlie and rox too--at least made an attempt at teamwork. you get points for that bro

but man, for all they know, they’re about to beef it in a very permanent way, i’d be freaking out too

merlin getting caught up in the drama

because again, he’s supposed to know that eggsy has a parachute

i think he wasn’t prepared for these two to get that close to not making it and that’s why we see him break face and drop his mug

*WHAM*

i HATE the sound of them landing

it’s not like you can hear bones breaking but it hurts me, guys

and then there were three

plus one daddy long legs quartermaster

“if you have a complaint you come here and you whisper it in my ear.”

yes SIR

“you need to take that chip off your shoulder.”

merlin coming’ in with the tough love portion of the kingsman core squad

there’s no reason for me to think harry’s persona was inspired by cruella de ville somehow but i do anyway

she reveals the mcdonald’s and valentine is just :D

idk if he was expecting a specific reaction or was just excited to see a reaction period

valentine is definitely a fun villain, which, given the tone of the movie, makes sense, it’s all supposed to be fun

one of the reasons i love kingsman is that it’s like, this golden ray of goofy cinematic fuckery in a world of grim!dark remakes and other superhero/spy films who are presented as more serious stories

“and thank you for such a—happy, meal.”

harry got a puppy smile

but see, then, here at his house he’s a lot more relaxed with gazelle! like, patting her butt, etc.

maybe what we see of their relationship is dependent on setting, because valentine himself has it compartmentalized?

perrrrrrhaps

“and i am never, EVER GOING TO AGREE!”

tilde, you deserved better, and i think all the weird hate you get from our ohana is unfair

you don’t twist a runner’s ankle before the race starts and then get mad when they don’t win

your story was mishandled from the beginning

asmr: hanging out with the golden trio watching worrying news in the kingsman trainee bunker room

the way he says “biblical sense” lmao

i have never been able to figure out if the way he says that line is supposed to infer spiritual respect, or lack of it, but i might be looking too into it

“it’s an acquired taste, mate.”

what—what would you even do if you were at a club and three people as hot as taron, ed and sophie all came up and start talking to you at the same time

like i know the target got up and left pretty quick because of the training exercise

but i’d be doing it because i’m ugly and if three hot people are all talking me up at a bar something is Bad and Wrong

which—the CAHONES on both eggsy and roxy

they both literally said “yeah i’m willing to die for this organization that hasn’t even given me a permanent place yet, what of it”

look at harry’s dimples in this scene, he is fighting a huge grin, he’s SO PROUD

i know that charlie’s response is supposed to be just more fodder into the “charlie hesketh is a tool” fire

but given that i’m not unconvinced that his home life wasn’t super shitty, like—

idk, this makes this scene a lot less fun to me. it makes it sad.

like, maybe charlie didn’t even want to be there deep down, maybe this was all for like, arthur, or his dad, or some other person he looked up to

and the way merlin looks when he tells charlie to go home, the way that he’s kinda grimacing? i’m wondering if he’s along the same kind of feeling. he’d know more about charlie’s history

have i also mentioned how much i love harry’s war room?

“YES harry!”

an evil plan is being born!

“true nobility is being superior to your former self.”

eggsy is still in his club clothes, so like—has he slept? y’all let those kids sleep after fucking drugging them, right? … guys?

“—when one is popping ones cherry.”

and eggsy is just CHEESING he is SO EXCITED

am i the only one who wants to learn more about the store clerk guy though?

he’s like the one person around who’s legit just there to run the shop

has no idea about any of the spy stuff happening

his name is donald, he’s married with three children and has two spaniels he loves

“THAT is sick.”

i would KILL for this room.

i don’t need anything in here for any reason but still

foreshadowing, foreshadowing, foreshadowing, more foreshadowing—

harry is such a NERD

“put it back, eggsy.”

the amount of self-control it would take to not have a sudden change in expression in that moment, omg

i wonder how THAT gets trained up in kingsman

“i guarantee it.” ha, get it, it’s a reference to that one commercial

“y’all—talk so funny.”

and this all means that they had a contact at that hat shop and got all that info to them before valentine got there, and somehow made sure he did end up buying a hat that they could also successfully put a bug on, how deep does this goooooo

“jack bauer?”

it says a lot about eggsy that out of all the jb’s it could’ve been, it was jack

uggghhhhhh of course they HAD to do this scene with eggsy with arthur

obviously harry couldn’t do it

i just think most of us would NOT be fans of arthur at this point in the movie, we’re all rooting for eggsy, like, he needs this moment with this other character because we gotta drive home that he’s an asshole

also—would have absolutely failed that test

and i’m not sorry at all

“welcome to kingsman--lancelot.”

i was really happy that it was a female agent who ended up getting the handle

aannddd more echoes of past scenes, man, nobody can say that this crew wasn’t intentional with their cinematography

when eggsy rolls the window down you can see his chest moving up and down, like, he is MAD

dean you asshole

so no wonder he gets so pissed that the car suddenly decides “nope, no, we’re not doing this, c’mon”

this entire conversation at harry’s house is—tense

and you don’t pick up on it the first time, i don’t think, but uh

i’m seeing it now

harry’s not just mad, he’s hurt, and eggsy’s furious but he’s also maybe regretting his actions.

it’s these two men who are rapidly trying to figure out their headspaces and trying to figure out how to navigate this situation with each other

and the way eggsy tries to apologize ;-;

kentucky is a beautiful state, actually

ohhhhhh y’alllll

we’re at the churrrccchhhh

we’re gettin’ closer to the coolest part of the movieeeee

it’s telling that gazelle was trying to make sure that they’d be safe

“… so hail satan, and have a lovely afternoon madame.”

the most metal lines colin firth has ever uttered on camera

the siren noise after it’s switched on bothers me in a way i can’t quite articulate

it might be because i have silent hill-colored trauma, who knows

FREEEEEE

BIIIRRRDDDDDDD

THE GREATEST ACTION TRACKING SHOT IN THE HISTORY OF CINEMA

but then eggsy and merlin are reacting aaaanndddd it’s—a lot less fun

because you realize that they’re watching their bro mercilessly slaughter innocent people and not stopping

and still not stopping

but plot twist, i’m really glad they kept the track going, because if they’d suddenly picked *this* part of the scene to get serious, that would’ve brought the mood down so low that i don’t think there would’ve been any bouncing back

i just

how do people exist who aren’t attracted to harry hart

that man is a machine

and colin worked so hard to be able to do the scene himself, and that work SHOWS, that man cuts a FIGURE

i don’t know how they managed to somber it up just the right amount, either? maybe because they waited for the “fun action sequence” to be over so there wouldn’t need to be noise that had to be masked by a fun rock track?

“… what did you do to me.”

i cannot imagine what harry was feeling in that moment.

the way he spoke it was like he didn’t even have time to be afraid to die

“that tends to happen when you shoot somebody in the head. feels good, right?”

“no, it does not feel good!”

i love that exchange because we normally hear the opposite.

also—whiplash.

mark has this way of expressing grief without showing any—blatant signs.

like merlin’s not especially tearful, or crying, but his eyes look MASSIVE. and SAD. and he has just the tiiiiiniest tremor in his voice.

and eggsy, dude, like, we’ve all had it come on us really quick and suddenly it’s like your chest is pumping like a piston and when did it get so hard to breathe?

ARTHUR you REPULSE me

like look at how egssy’s shoulders sag when he realizes that arthur isn’t on his team

and in a way, this is eggsy’s final test as a kingsman trainee, imo

do you realize how quickly he had to assess what was happening and figure out what to do, all without arthur noticing?

“you are all alone. it is all up to you. remember all you have learned. good luck.”

it’s a very—almost horror-esque situation from that pov

and he passed with flying colors to go on his first true mission, because after he puts on the suit, that’s his visual cue of graduating, if that makes sense

that’s the knight putting on his armor.

“i’d rather be with harry. thanks.”

“so be it.”

*click*

me: *laughing at arthur’s big dumb stupid head*

… man i’d love a replica of that decanter and glasses set though

not to mention that eggsy recognized the flaws in arthur’s character and weaponized them, which is a whole other level of shit that isn’t necessarily easy; he knew that arthur carried the kind of pride that would leave him open

god, he looks so exhausted though when rox has him at gunpoint.

i think he was being pretty serious, about harry

sick helipaaaaaaad

that thing looks vaguely like a rock-‘em sock-‘em robot but in pieces though

more grandpa sweaters <3

man. you can see roxy swallow, you know she’s scared, but then she just sets her jaw and—

roxy baby you are the best i love you

i like the vintage vibe of the mountain lair

i think that’s another visual poke at the aesthetic themes of some of the older, og spy flicks out there

merlin looks SO LANKY walking back to the plane for some reason??

he stays until the last second for roxy. that’s love right there.

“a bespoke suit always fits.”

which can be good spiritual life advice too but that’s a separate conversation

“what the fuck is WRONG with you people?”

and his fuckin’ disco ball

uuggggghhhhh his speech reminds me of so many… “public figures” that i dislike

even though it’s obviously a bad thing that the chips are everywhere, i appreciate that phones and such are being shown in a positive manner (like, michelle talking to someone in the park, people at a ball game taking selfies, people at the beach, etc.) because i get so sick of that anti-tech boomer humor tbh

and the big reveal of eggsy in his suitttt

A KNIGHT IS BORN

“how’s the view?”

“hideous.”

you’re allowed to be crabby baby, you just let it out.

“lookin’ good, eggsy.”

“feelin’ good, merlin.”

merlin is so calm heading into the fortress and i don’t know if it’s because he’s very, very good at compartmentalizing and that’s genuinely how he is at the moment or if he’s that way through extreme self-control and effort

he can rock a pilot’s uniform though

just like eggsy can rock a suit

they’re both so handsome, help

i also wonder how eggsy’s feeling right then

like, i’d imagine that the pressure of having to perform a role to literally save the world would be enough to distract him from the bite of grief

that’s—probably enough to distract everyone, tbh

i a hundred percent believe there are breakdowns we don’t see

i wonder if eggsy told tilde he’d spoken to lindstrum(sp?) after everything was said and done

like, that’d be some kind of weird foreshadowing in hindsight

this scene is anxiety-inducing in a big way so to distract myself i imagine roxy as a mech pilot

dude i’d totally watch sophie in a role like that, like, let her be in a movie like pacific rim, she’d kick ass

and now we have The Chaos

otherwise known as that point when Everything Is Happening All At Once All The Time

also a thing that doesn’t exist in spy movies: hearing damage

because like his voice is right in eggsy’s ear and without it he’d have a LOT harder time surviving

imagine being an agent, merlin trying to talk to you, but something either hits your ear or goes off right next to it and suddenly it’s just silent

SYSTEM FAILURE

YAAASSSSS

WE WIN

GGOOOAAAAALLLLLL

THE AUDIENCE IS DOING THE WAVE

except JUST KIDDING

The Chaos 2 Electric Boogaloo!

merlin with a huge gun: hot, also, very scary

eggsy is just 10000% done

“this is mine. i’ll show you yours.”

i wonder who e man was supposed to be that valentine called.

like is that a reference to a real person that i just did’t catch?

… elon musk? maybe? idk

eggsy slides like a gd anime character

when he uses the rainmaker, it’s just like harry’s protecting him from somewhere else

(oh—wait, technically kentucky, i guess)

“merlin, i’m fucked.” you can hear the anger there. not only did he fail, but he—and everyone else—is about to die

but this? this is the pinnacle of eggsy showing himself as a kingman agent

he was staring death straight in the mouth and STILL

SOMEHOW

REMEMBERED THE IMPLANTS

so i guess if i say that the moment when he puts on the suit is when he becomes a true agent, then maybe this is the moment when he becomes galahad.

*bobs head to pomp & circumstance*

i remember getting a huge kick out of how colorful they made this

because in real life you know a bunch of people literally blowing up would be like—DISGUSTING

viscera everywhere

no fun rainbow mushroom clouds

“i’ve always wanted to kiss a princess.”

ANOTHER knight reference, very clever matthew

mmmmm Do Not Like that noise

aaaannndddd *that* line

which—maybe that’s mr. vaughn’s sense of humor, or what he thinks the sense of humor his core demographic has, idk

but it always kinda rubbed me the wrong way

the mass brawl scenes are edited so like--jarringly compared to the other fight scenes in the movie

that’s probably for a reason

also, a showdown to the tune of something disco: kind of another trope homage

this shot of gazelle is so sick, i love everything about it, she is so cool

this entire fight with eggsy is awesome tbh

we got a little bit of what gazelle can look like in combat earlier with tilde’s guards, but now we get this epic showdown seeing her at her full potential against someone who’s actually a challenge

and the way valentine is shouting for her to kick his ass from upstairs and yelling encouragement lmao that’s how real friends act when there’s a fight

daisy ;-; ugh, that’s the visual gutpunch that makes it juuuuuust serious enough by reminding us of the stakes

which is why it’s fitting that then we see the Slo-Mo K.O.

and that smile with the fun little chimes in the back, lmao

and eggsy, quick on his feet again byyyy being quick on gazelle’s feet—foot—whatever

man, impalement deaths are always fun.

coulda done without the vomiting but that’s also one of valentine’s quirks that makes him different from a cookie cutter villain

aaannddd have a heavy sigh from merlin

that dude needs a full-body massage and a drink

“is this where you say some really bad pun?”

reminder: i love that this movie is self-aware! i could not picture a super serious kingsman movie! i just picture something depressing!

there had to have been a better option besides—this, for this eggsy/tilde ending scene

i’m not saying i’m mad it ended with them fucking, i’m mad that the extent of the joke was anal and that was it.

also the idea of my boss possibly seeing me having sex would have me a little more concerned about the hardware on my face, but okay??

aannddd the tapes.

gah, we love visual throwbacks!

we love being able to see that despite all this growth and change, family remains very important to eggsy—he hasn’t changed into a different person, he has grown more into himself than ever before! THIS! THIS is eggsy unwin!

… GET READY FOR IT

time for tgc! (and to get into my roanoke feels, maybe, this is the nexus where our canons connect)

the BAGPIPES

okay

i did not stop to consider how unpleasant this was going to be to watch stoned but we’re gonna power through it and get through it together

if i cry i cry

the way the music swells into the main theme <3

and the perfect reveal for our boy eggsy!

reflected in gold, looking sharper than broken glass

and SUDDENLY CHARLIE

the pacing in tgc leads me to believe that matthew had huge plans for this movie, and a lot of cool stuff probably ended up on the cutting room floor for time

i also love that they brought charlie back

i love his voice box and his cool robot arm

and i’m not just saying that because it made it super easy to blend him into our canon, either, this is like—charlie’s evil twin in terms of his new aesthetic, the contrast is really cool

YYAASSSS THIS SCENE

WITH PRINCE PLAYING??

*CHEF’S KISS*

like we are IMMEDIATELY thrown back into the gold parts of it all, like how physics is a little broken so we can do cool shit like have a knockdown drag-out fight all within the space of a small cab

i wonder what would’ve hurt charlie worse—being thrown onto his organic side, or having all his weight land on his metal arm if it hadn’t disattached

but then he’s up and standing so i guess we’re fine?

MERLIN! <3

otherwise known as the character entrance that literally changed my life

i try not to think about it too much or i get weirded out

ANYWAY

(and to think i almost never even saw the movie)

Sick Car Chase, Bro

and as an american, like, everything’s on the opposite side to me, it’s stressful to watch a little bit

“i seem to remember in your training you were rather good at holding your breath.”

man, that’s uh—kind of a macabre thing to say, merlin

just a little bit

i’m not even gonna attempt to hold my breath to see if i’d survive this scene just assume i’m dead in that universe

we all live in a kingsman subarmine, a kingsman submarine, a kingsman submarine~~

“not boasting, but i trained him well enough that even he wouldn't mess that up.”

merlin are you okay??

gah, i love that chest-deep laugh though.

is it real love if they won’t crawl through the sewer to get to your house in time

i love that harry’s house looks basically the same

i know they talk about eggsy not wanting to change anything in the novelization but i haven’t read it yet so I’m not a hundred percent sure what all is in there

and we still get to see him hanging with his friends, and his girlfriend, like, this dude is still all about the family

“wwwwOOOOO!”

i love this group so much omg

for as much as he’s galahad, he’s still eggsy

the transition in the weed bag looks super cool

… oh, i guess watching this while high makes the main storyline hit a bit different

welp

i love that poppy is an aesthetic slut and really doesn’t give a shit about anyone’s opinion about how she makes her space

like, “i want a big 50s-style diner with a gourmet kitchen that i can cook people in, soooooo i’m getting one”

it’s also refreshing to see julianne moore in a bad guy role!

not that i’m super familiar with her filmography but i feel like i’ve mostly seen her cast as like a good guy?

i could be wrong

awwwww jet and bennie!

there’s so much to love about this set

cannibalism and the fact that she bulldozed jungle to build all this aside (suspend that belief!)

the breakfast sceeeeeene

it’s so bittersweet, for obvious reasons

and it’s more evidence that he’s not super ready to move on into new territory yet, like making new memories with tilde that ring close to home

“i wish i could have met him.”

and the way he has to turn away, ugh.

eggsy. i’m sorry.

tilde, i’m sorry, too. you had good intentions, but they lost against his pain.

michael gambdon! the new arthur we didn’t know we wanted until we got him.

charlie had a moral glo-down, it’s fine, happens to everybody

FFFFFF his imitation of merlin lmfao

man, poor charlie, like

you wake up, you can’t make a sound, your arm has been blown off and your family’s dead

like his reaction to that entire scenario isn’t entirely unrealistic, i’m just saying

also LOOK AT ROX

omg everyone in this movie can wear the FUCK out of suit, y’all

man, i’ve gotten a few tattoos that were exquisitely painful—i can’t imagine how much it would suck to do it with literal molten metal

dude this means clara laid on her stomach and probably screamed at the floor as she got hers D:

this kinda—riffs off of hannibal, a teeny-tiny bit

like we’re so overloaded with the aesthetics and behavior of a certain character so it’s like, we forget about the much darker parts untillllll there’s a mood change and we’re looking at that dude’s legs, to the burger this other dude puts in his mouth, and thinking “oh, oh dear, ew”

i love eggsy in the orange jacket <3 snaps for the wardrobe crew across this series.

tilde’s face, omg, she was heart-eyeing so bad. and like, that little proud nod at her dad (who was of course being Like That on purpose)

and roxy, coming in in the clutch, you are tonight’s MVP

uggghhhhh i hate this part

because again, it’s just--a bunch of bad shit colliding outside of anyone’s control

(it was also really jarring seeing the war room with blank walls the first time i watched this)

like—granted, you should maybe not touch stuff that’s not yours, but…

like we *just* saw eggsy and brandon in a very casual, intimate scene with each other, how can anyone get angry with brandon?

this is all stress-inducing

i remember being in the theater watching this and feeling like i was watching some awful slow motion car wreck and i couldn’t look away

idk what other story i would’ve wanted to see but i was NOT a fan of Sudden Death For Christmas, especially concerning roxy!

and poppy is such a *bright* villain, not just because of taste but because of her personality, which is another weird thing to have next to the cannibalism

gaaahhhh charlieeee your arm is so cooooool

this shot is gorgeous and incredibly depressing.

what do you do?

gah, and the way merlin comes out of the dark, like

i probably would’ve drawn a gun on him too

“you think *i* would?”

this scene shows 1. how much he trusts eggsy to not shoot him, and/or 2. how good merlin is at compartmentalizing, because this is an even bigger blow than harry’s death, and he’s following the protocol like it’s an art form

i hope that we see some reference to this safe in the next movie, that’d be a cool way to tie the narratives all together

“i suppose that must be upper class humor. … i don’t get it.”

reminder, merlin is working class.

if you’re a ho for this fandom and went and bought this whiskey specifically because of this movie clap your hands *clap clap*

and they proceed to just get HAMMERED

“country rooaaddsss… take me hoooooome…”

another reminder: kentucky is a beautiful state!

i would love to tour a whiskey distillery, that’d be super cool

“shame it’s not scotch”

again, with his weird night vale clipboard.

who would win: two highly-trained kingsman agents vs. one (1) cowboy

channing tatum, ladies and gentlemen!

“y’all look damn sharp!”

i am forever gonna be mad we didn’t get more of tequila in this movie, and not just because of roanoke either, but like, “that dog don’t hunt,” whatever he has in his mouth sealed a leak in a barrel, and it took him all of two minutes to incapacitate both eggsy AND merlin? hello??

i’m glad we’ll get to see more of him in the another movie.

“you know why the measurement of alcohol is called proof?”

just dumping it on their laps, so disrespectful

“—and you can go fuck yourself.”

eggsy fucking just giggling.

these two doofuses

also it’s hot to see merlin be sassy ngl

“HARRY!”

these guys have been fast thinkers in stressful situations but as it turns out, people being unexpectedly not dead can kinda fuck with your day

aaannddd halle berry, everybody! i love ginger ale omg

(and so does merlin, he is instantly enchanted)

;-; this reunion scene

i don’t know how colin manages to be two completely different people at once

like there’s a huge difference between former agent galahad and harry hart the lepidopterist and i can’t explain it

i really, really hope we see at least one little hint at kinsman’s relationship with statesman in the new movie, i just think it’d be really cool

in roanoke canon, there’s an office rumor that the nanobot tech used by statesman was influenced directly by the same technology developed by dr. wernicke in the outlast games. i still think it’s one of my better crossover ideas.

also

god bless whoever decided to get elton john involved with all this?? because i was DELIGHTED

i love poppy’s wardrobe as much as i love her weird 50s-land in the jungle

i also really love the main statesman theme? it reminds me of all those fun epic westerns

jeff bridges! :D

champ vaguely reminds me of my dad

“can you imagine us in the tailor business?”

and he’s super quick with the questions. my headcanons for champ are all over the place but one that i really like is that he was maybe a sheriff or in law enforcement before being recruited by statesman.

aaanndddd pedro pascal, everybody!

otherwise known as *another* character that this movie did dirty, that’ll probably come up in this later

imagine being harry hart, not remember all of yourself, and suddenly your entire room just—fills with water

that had to have been so terrifying, and it was just as hard for merlin to watch (and possibly remember something unpleasant)

and like

that sounds like SUCH bullshit, too, like “yeah we thought if you came close to drowning it would help”

which, is that what merlin meant, no, but is that what harry heard, probably

enter jb the second ;-; <3 sweet baby

tilde’s trying so hard. i see you!

aha, penis jokes.

and all of the unnecessary weird festival stuff, uuggghh

there are so many different things they could have done, like, all of this is just weird from the get-go

first of all, whiskey striking out? hello?? saying no to a man like mr. pascal???

not realistic

the way whiskey takes a shot as he walks away lmao, relatable

and poor clara, like, it’s not like she was asking for any of this D:

hmmmmmmm don’t know how i feel being a stoner watching other stoners get this blue rash thing when i know it kills some of themmmmmmm

i love charlie in his newsboys cap!

poppy has a little bit of a point. like, booze is way more dangerous than pot, as is tobacco. like i would never advocate anyone try meth or heroin, but i think weed and some hallucinogenics get bad wraps.

seeing a dude get torn in half in the reflection of elton john’s sunglasses is the surprising bit of gore we need to remember that oh, yeah, the villain isn’t fun, she’s a murderer

uuggghhhh the TENT SCENE

and, look, i’ll defend tilde forever, but i did NOT like the weird marriage ultimatum. i still think it’s a dick move, like, in that situation either decide to trust your boyfriend or break up with him

the tent interior is super cool-looking

and like, man, he tried, he tried to bounce D:

/sigh/ work hazards, i guess

mmmmmm we don’t need any of what’s happening on screen right now so i’ll just sit patiently and wait for it to be over

and like, there’s nothing funny about merlin and ginger being able to hear everything that’s going on, it’s so grosssss, poor ginger has to have heard some shit before to be so nonchalant about it

everything about this sucks

and then he tries going to the one person who he needs the most and having to deal with him still existing in some state between alive and dead

his body is here

but harry is not

“maggots turn into flies, perhaps you mean larvae!” :D he is SO CUTE

but this entire conversation, with harry still not remembering and eggsy trying so hard to reach him through the fog, is so depressing

like, i’d need a drink too

*and* a joint

i’m seeing my coping mechanisms on screen here folks

the way he comes up with the idea is kinda ingenious though

like, he’s looking at stuff to make himself bummed on purpose, but therein he finds the thing he needs to fix the issue

harry’s smile when eggsy hands him the puppy TT.TT

and then eggsy just becomes a stone cold motherfucker with no emotions

“no one’s sick enough to shoot a puppy!”

hi, flashback!harry

and as SOON as he remembers himself, it’s like his eyes are different, something about him looks like it did before kentucky

“… eggsy.”

one of my favorite movie hugs

and eggsy has to stand on his tiptoes because harry’s so tall

like yeah merlin and harry’s reunion isn’t as overtly emotional, but there’s definitely a sense of joy and relief there.

harry my baby ;-; much better with the sunglasses (and merlin was so close to telling him he looked spectacular)

“now is that any way to welcome a visit from outta town, moonshine?”

he! tried! to! defend! harry!

i hate that jack got a villain story line!

we could’ve had something so much better and infinitely more compelling!

“hurrrr durrrr morgan you just like redemption arcs because you don’t want anybody being a villain permanently” i also like them because sometimes that’s better writing, y’all sit down

“that is NOT what i call a kentucky welcome.”

i love so many things happening in this scene, like

we get to see whiskey kick ass, like yassss gimme those sweet action sequences and give us some character development by showcasing his fighting style

and also NOBODY shits on harry for not being able to handle the situation. both eggsy and merlin were like “dude we’re still celebrating the fact that you’re alive tbh it’s fine if you’re not back up to speed right this second”

you can really tell that this was penned by british people writing american slang because having grown up in the southern half of the u.s. i have never ONCE heard ANYONE say shit like “i feel like a tornado in a trailer park” lmao

and poppy’s fun little death threat infomercial, so great

“what have you done to me you FUCKING BITCH” oof, that’s a mood

!!!!! gonna be honest i kinda forgot that bruce greenwood plays the president

okay but save lives, legalize isn’t an entirely bad idea tbh

hnnnnnnng the scenes about people not being able to get into the hospital hits different in the year of our lord 2020 huh

… y’all i’m being weirded out by all this hospital scenes, this is unpleasant

i, too, wish i could pull a tequila and just be slipped into a chilly coma until shit wasn’t so fucked up

“the fact is, this presidency has won the war on drugs!”

THIS SCENE!

look, y’all can come into my inbox and call me a pothead, or a lazy stoner, or some third insult, but this dude’s VP is bringing up some very, VERY important points when it comes to any kind of discussion about drug use in the u.s.

am i drug-friendly, sure, but i’m more friendly to the notion that we stop demonizing addicts/users

harry looks fucking SCANDALIZED when he sees champ spit into his spittoon thing

i don’t think whiskey even brought up harry not being ready to return to the field in an insulting manner, he literally just saw him get his ass beat in a bar, but eggsy’s faith and loyalty are up there in the category of unstoppable force/immovable object, so here we are

am i the only one curious about the whole charlie x clara thing? because he’s definitely grown up a bit by tgc, and i wanna know how much of that might be because of clara

and he MISSES, e for effort harry

“so sorry about this—“ WHAM

and now that guy can say colin firth busted his face with a fire extinguisher, which is very cool

“*you’re* wu ting feng?” “… yes?”

“you motherFUCKER” ohhhhhh charlie maaaaaad

ginger and merlin though, #couplegoals

the only person more pissed off about the hallucinations than everyone else is harry

imagine remembering that you’re one of the top people in your field and you just keep seeing imaginary butterflies everywhere

like, yeah, i’d be pissed at not being able to do what i knew i was capable of, too

if it wasn’t careening towards a random retirement center, getting stuck in a wildly rotating gondola thing could be fun

nice tuesday afternoon activity

i would loved to have seen more galahad/whiskey field stuff

“you’ve got to be fucking kidding me—“

meanwhile, in the continuing adventures of eggsy and jack: shit goes from bad to worse like a formal spiral only going downward

their expressions as their both just SCREAMING always make me laugh

”that’s the first decent shit i’ve had in three weeks.” <- as does that line, that old dude’s just telling it like it is

eggsy’s comment about the antidote just reminds me of when boromir looks a the ring and says something like “all this for such a tiny thing”

dun dun DUN what are THOSE? hints that whiskey may not be who we think he is??

great. so excited about that. i say, rolling my eyes into the sun

“i’ll fix their wagons.” no one says that matthew!

i. love. this. scene. because now we get cool gun tricks AND the second most metal thing that happens with a lasso in this movie (we’re coming up on the most metal thing)

like please please PLEASE show us more lasso tricks in the statesman movie

“well thank fuckin’ christ i didn’t need any backup.” i wonder if whiskey’s acting angrier than he actually is to throw off the fact that he might’ve caught harry’s glance at him betraying suspicion

RIP jack

imagine the timeline where whiskey was never a bad guy and harry hart just blew a dude away for NO REASON

now THAT would be an interesting movie

because harry and eggsy, for all they went through in the first film, never had a conflict where it was harry in the position of mangling the ropes up

but of course eggsy would never, never tell merlin what happened because he’s still ultimately on harry’s team

damn, charlie, literally blowing up your girlfriend seems kinda extreme

“THIS is vital!”

and here we get to see the biggest difference between merlin and ginger

now, i know there’s extra stuff in the novelization about their relationship and i can’t talk about it because i have no idea what’s in the book

but!

i DO still headcanon as merlin quitting fieldwork after lee’s death

his comment is either what he genuinely believes, or maybe what he fashioned his beliefs into after stepping down from his field role, and ginger is just as sincere in her desire to break into that aspect of working for statesman

it’s like seeing the same character but in two points in time, and it’s really cool

that balance would’ve also been a fun aspect of their romantic relationship to explore but alas! ’twas not to be

colin and mark could both play slenderman

look at those limbs.

gracious.

also this facetime scene with eggsy and tilde T.T

that has to be so terrifying to watch when you know the steps of death and what they look like as they get closer

but it also puts a fire under eggsy though

“i’m leaving with, or without you.”

and of course they’re both gonna go because that’s NOT characteristic eggsy behavior based off of how we know he views family/squad

that’s how they know he’s being for cereal

uugggggGGHHHH and THAT FORESHADOING

stacey pruitt, attorney at lawwwww

hmmmmmmmmm

what does this conversation between poppy and the president remind me of

gonna just sigh into the void

and now we have harry and eggsy on the jet along with the BIGGEST LIE harry hart has ever told in his LIFE

kingsman and statesman aesthetics at least tend to be the same color schemes. lotta golds, yellows. browns.

eggsy, yeah, it’s a bummer your gf dumped you, but this relationship wasn’t very well-developed or written so i’m not as bummed as i could be

“… and in that moment, all i felt was loneliness and regret.”

harry shut the FUCK UP

you felt NOTHING??

you weren’t thinking of, gee, i dunno, EGGSY? or MERLIN?? your MOM???

like these lines from him just seem to come out of left field and i can’t even halfway suspend my belief long enough to come close to believing him

like mr. hart you just gonna be like that in front of jesus and everybody????

so, yeah, of course he’s on board with saving tilde! because he recognizes (apparently just right that second) that “having something to lose is what makes life worth living”

and i don’t know if they felt like there need to be some weird, deeply contrasting reason for harry to swing around to being in support? or something?

i’m forever pissed about this characterization and i don’t even know if i’m expressing my anger in a way that makes it easy to understand lmao this is fine, i’m fine, literally not a single person in this fandom ever believed those lines anyway, it’s fine

moving on

... and even if they WERE true then honestly that just makes me more excited about butterfly knife, because that means that harry acknowledged both the bad side of the coin, and also the side with rae on it (which would mean seeing her for who she was and also recognizing his feelings for what THEY were) and drew the ultimately correct conclucision that love! is! always! worth! it! let that shit in like a welcome guest in the home of your heart, and they will stay as long as you let them!

as SOON as he wakes up ginger looks a thousand percent done lmao

and the “process” that they use to wake people up or whatever is—interesting

because all it is, is trauma turned into a tool which is kind of a weird concept to see in a “fun spy movie” imo

and this is one of what i feel were like only what, two? glimpses we get into whiskey’s Tragic Backstory

and the other scene isn’t a glimpse it’s just straight up exposition in his dialogue :/

jack, i’m sorry, you deserved better than this as a character

i’m sure the name “silver pony” is a reference to something but i don’t know what

“lookin’ GOOD merlin!” “feelin’ good, eggsy.”

ladies and gentlemen when i tell you that i lost my pool-noodle mind seeing him put on that suit watching this in a theater, i--

ANYWAY

because now that i have the horrible burden of having seen these movies a million times

i know it’s more symbolic

he stays in sweaters so long, as an agent of the background, because he walked a man to his death

so it figures when he puts the armor back on for the first time in ages

he walks to his own

uuuggghhhh the minesweeper

i hate this

i hate it

i hate everything about the feelings i’m having while this is happening

*beep-beep*

“you move, we die.”

i HATE IT

but like, i don’t know, how preferable is this to the end scene we almost got, which was merlin dragging his newly-legless corpse through a doggy door?

because it’s been literally multiple years and i still have no fucking idea

they’re both horrible in their own terrible, awful ways

damn, matthew, it’s not often someone manages to come up with multiple versions of a thing and have every version be so gut-wrenchingly horrific, i’m truly impressed and completely disgusted

“do as your told!”

god

everyone just going through twenty shades of Bad Feelings in the space of fifteen seconds here in the jungle

and colin and taron do this thing where it’s like—their eyes go dead? like, there was a light here, it’s gone now

it SUCKS

oh no

ALMOST HEAVEN

WEST VIRGINIA

… fuck

LIFE IS OLD THERE

OLDER THAN THE TREES

“… singing?”

this sucks.

this sucks this sucks this sucks

MOUNTAIN MAMAAAAA

TAKE ME HOOOOME

COUNTRY ROOOADDSSSSS

*THUNK*

and he even took off his glasses before he hit him, he had his end coming towards him and he was still a gentleman

TAKE ME HOOOME

COUNTRY RROOOOAAAADDDSSSSS

his EYES AT THE END

FUCK

… okay i had to get up and go for a lil’ walk

anyway

(and again, roanoke canon, fucking fixing’ shit left and right, because we’re the goat)

harry and eggsy look MURDEREROUS

MERLIN SAID KNOCK YOU OUT

it DID make the grand ending fun action scene a lot more satisfying

because like, without merlin there, that means harry and eggsy get to go full feral

poppy you big idiot you just robbed them of all their motivation to show any kind of restraint and now everybody’s gonna get blown up

except for those dudes who get kicked by elton john

which would be an HONOR first of all

(the part where eggsy’s using his gun and shield vaguely reminds me of the specialist, @bloodofthepen)

and harry and eggsy just—they’re drift compatible! that’s it! the teamwork! the grace! the flow! my god!

eggsy vs. charlie: round like 4 if you count the first movie

it was also satisfying to see charlie’s new arm in action

we love fun robotics and gadgetry in this house

colin firth is really just not afraid to throw himself full force down a bowling lane huh

ugh, seeing charlie slam eggsy over and over again makes my chest hurt

the sound mixing on all these films is top notch which isn’t always a good thing T.T

ROCKETMAN~~~

that shit will never NOT be funny

a wild elton john appeared!

eggsy is indestructible, he can walk off anything

but charlie, charlie i feel really sorry for, imagine being attacked by a superior version of your own limb, i.e. something that you can’t exactly quickly remove from yourself, that would be TERRIFYING

harry + elton = dream teaaaammmm

“darling if you save the world, you can have a backstage pass.”

i love you elton john :(

i would have been the most OBNOXIOUS hype man in the background of the entire kingsman vs. poppy land face-off

“let’s make this fair.” eggsy you’re fuckin’ cheeky

and poor harry, all that lank just getting tossed like noodles

i thought the robot puppers were very cool

“for the record charlie i’m more of a gentleman than you’ll ever be.”

mmmmmm do NOT like this death for charlie

SUPER glad we fixed it

and another scene where i can’t stand the sound mixing T.T it makes me cringe every time

“i don’t consider genocide especially lady-like.”

and are we gonna talk about how merlin knew how to make heroin?

… no?

nobody wanna talk about that?

ugh that houndstooth dress is so PRETTY though

high!poppy is weirdly comedic for all of two seconds and then it stops being funny real fast

whiskey D:<

this is so dumb

this is all so, so dumb

“our agencies were founded to uphold peace, to protect the innocent—“

there’s that nobility again

is what happened to whiskey fucked up, yes

i’m not saying we have to completely remove that from his story

i just

literally anything but this would have been preferable

and then HOT DOG it’s one of my favorite shots in the movie with the whip where harry’s just chucking it away from his face like a bamf, YES

how great is this cover, let’s be honest

like, i’d be lying if i said i didn’t enjoy this scene visually

plus

HARRY GETTING PEGGED RIGHT IN THE FACE WITH A FRYING PAN

gracious

it’s one fluid tracking shot, so kinda in alignmentment with what we’re used to

some people get annoyed with repeated junk but when you can do it THIS WELL you can get away with anything

but then jack

you did NOT desert that

yes, you were in dire need of an attitude adjustment but jesus

“this is for you, merlin.”

/ugly sobbing/

and tilde is all betterrrrrr ;-;

you guys did itttttt

COUNTRY ROOOAAADDSS

TAKE ME HOOOOOOMMEEEE

TO THE PLAAAAAACCCEEEEE

I BELOOOOONNGGGG

and the scene with jamal and liam T.T #wholesomecontent

poor tequila, after i knew that you would have a bigger role in another movie, i was less annoyed by the fact that they iced you so quick into the story

#FOX2020

“… now we’re brothers, working side by side.”

spoiler alert i actually love champ’s toast

“y’all shittin’ in high cotton now” WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???

and ginger becomes the new whiskey like she always wanted T.T

merlin is proud from heaven (or london, depending on which canon)

iiiiiii have mixed feelings about the whole wedding scene, which is probably because i take HUGE issue with the weird proposal ultimatum thing that happened earlier

but the way eggsy says “not a doubt in my mind,” he says it so seriously and i remember that tilde almost died

there was such good intention packed into this couple that was so badly written that i just

augh

“but it is perhaps the end of the beginning.”

there’s ***merlin! lmao i see you dude, they did you dirty

look

i was pissed off about a lot of things that happened in this thing but i was honestly hype seeing tequila at the very end walking into the tailor shop

like, yeah, i’ll stick around to see what happens in this universe but i’m gonna complain the whole time

GO JACK RABBIT

RUNNING THROUGH THE WOODS

and again, i almost didn’t see this movie.

… i think about that morgan sometimes.

hope she’s doin’ okay.

…

she’s probably not. D:

44 notes · View notes

thecreelhouse · 4 years

Text

sweet spot \\ part 1

Paring: Steve Harrington x Original Female Character (Lex)

Word count: 4,803

Summary: modern AU where Robin tells Steve about cam girls, and he falls hard for a stranger on the internet. Modern romance! This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve written yet, sorry, not sorry. Smut, obviously. But it’s cute, too. Part one of two!

Warnings: language, webcamming, smut, low-key daddy kink, that’s it basically

A/N: got this ridiculous idea last week while listening to doja cat’s cyber sex, and here we are? I haven’t written any sort of smut~~~ in like.... 8 years. Sorry if it’s obvious how rusty I am lmfao. Aged the characters up just a tad, too, but it is talked about like all the events of ST happened, just in present times lol. Separated into 2 parts bc it’s so lengthy. Hope y’all enjoy it at least lol. If not, just uhhh... ignore this. Title is from “sweet spot” by Kim Petras!! btw, for real, shoutout to all sex workers, y’all hustle harder than anyone.

Friday nights are usually meant for going out, partying, the usual reckless shit that most mid-twenty year olds get into. Another Friday night had rolled around, though, and it was another one that Steve was spending home alone.

It’s not that he didn’t have any friends- he ended up moving out of Hawkins with his best friend, Robin, and they’ve been roommates for several years now in the city. After high school, and wandering college and career options- all failed attempts- he decided it was just best to enjoy life in the moment, stop worrying so damn much about what his parents wanted for him, and move out. It could’ve been better, but he struggled with the majority of his generation, without the work they wanted, with or without a degree.

So, he’s made the best of what he could since. And even years later, he’s not too sure how to spend his downtime now that it’s not filled up with chasing after unhinged teens who have taken it upon themselves far too many times to become monster hunters. How do you go from protecting a bunch of kids (protecting- more like, taking sucker punches for everyone, literally), to having too much free time for yourself. Is that even possible?

Steve was flopped on the couch in his and Robin’s apartment, mindlessly scrolling through movie options on whatever streaming service had the best choices these days. His thoughts were clearly elsewhere, as nothing seemed like a good enough distraction.

It’s not even that he minded being such a homebody these days; it saved money, and it was an easy going life compared to the bizarre events he stumbled through in Hawkins years ago. It was peaceful, quiet. Sometimes, a little too quiet, though.

Steve never liked to admit it, but he was lonely these days. Robin saw right through him, though, and would manage to drag him out to the bar some nights, trying to be the best wing-woman she could be, but no one ever caught his interest anymore. Everyone was too similar to other girls he’s dated before, or didn’t want anything serious at all, or found him to be too clingy- the list could go on, really. He tried to ignore it altogether, as it just made him feel worse.

It was easier to spend time alone when you couldn’t break your own heart.

Sure, sometimes, the occasional one night stands weren’t the worst if Steve was in the mood, but that was even hard to be excited for these days. He was tired of how empty it felt, and longed for that intimacy with someone he was really, truly connected with. Not just for looks and small talk.

And, alright, fine, sure, he didn’t need a relationship and sex and all that in between, nobody necessarily needs it, but it didn’t mean he didn’t want more with someone genuine. Someone he could care about. Someone he could love.

Breaking his familiar cycle of lonely thoughts, Robin slammed the door open, laughing to herself and stumbling through the doorway.

“Well, at least one of us had a good Friday night,” Steve thought to himself, shaking his head at his best friend.

“Steeeeeeve,” Robin slurred, skipping over after she kicked her shoes across the apartment.

“Robin.” Steve deadpanned, and Robin’s cheery, drunk smile flipped into a frown. She dropped to the other side of the couch, studying his face, wondering what had him upset tonight.

“You shoulda’ gone out, it was lotsa’ fuuuuun!” She giggled, curling under a throw blanket. “Lotsa’ pretty girls. You missed out.”

Steve hummed to himself, rolling his eyes at Robin. “Did I? Not like you came home with anyone.”

Robin lightly smacked his arm, “Hey! Dingus. Maybe I didn’t want to bring anyone home. Kinda depressing when you’re here moping around all alone and shit.”

“Gee, thanks, Rob.”

“I just think you should get out more! You’re not gonna meet the love of your life wasting away on this couch.” She grumbled, arms crossing. “You don’t have to keep binge watching these shows alone, you know. Bet there’s some cute girl out there that looooooves being a homebody just as much as you do.”

“You say it like it’s a bad thing. Some people like going out, some people don’t. It is what it is.” He countered, and she scoffed back.

“Say that as much as you want, but it’s not gonna get you laid-“ Robin’s smartass comment was cut short by Steve throwing a pillow at her head. “- god, you’re so moody lately too. You definitely need to get laid.”

“Shut up, dingus.” He said, going back to scrolling through the tv choices again. Robin stole the remote back from him, though.

“That’s my line!” She snapped, laughing. Steve cracked a smile before diving headfirst into another pillow, wanting this conversation to end. “Jesus, would you at least leave this couch today? Go read a book, knit a hat, watch some porn-“

“Robin!” Now he really wished this conversation would end.

“Well I’m not the one who’s got all this,” Robin threw her arms wildly over her head as she continued, “pent up frustration, or energy, or whatever!”

Steve sighed before mumbling, still face first in the pillow, “I hate even talking about this,” his head finally turned a little, only so he didn’t suffocate, “but not even that is exciting for me anymore.”

Robin rolled her eyes, at his dramatics. “Steve, as your best friend, your wing-woman, and roommate, please, go fucking hook up with someone already. Your stress is stressing me out! I mean, for fucks sake, go watch a cam girl or something if you don’t like going out anymore.”

Steve’s head turned more, finally sitting back up with brows furrowed in confusion. “A what?”

Robin mirrored his expression, “Dude, it’s 2020. How do you not know what a cam girl is?”

Steve sat, clueless, eyes darting away, then back at Robin, “No?”

Rolling her eyes, she got up, still wrapped in the blanket like a burrito, and headed to the kitchen area. Steve wasn’t sure if he should follow or not, until she began to yell out an explanation, while rummaging around the fridge.

“It’s like, the new wave of sex workers, independent from the shittier side of the porn industry, cute as hell,” she rambled on, pulling multiple things from the fridge, before opening them all on the counter. Steve eventually made his way over, noticing among her large mess- half full carton of orange juice (he’d definitely have to get a new one that she didn’t directly drink out of), a tub of ice cream, and grape tomatoes. He was forever puzzled by Robin’s drunk snack choices.

“So, people watch these girls, and then they tip them, and that’s how they make bank. It’s admirable as hell, they’ve got guts and more money than I’d ever see at once in my life. Sex work is real work, man.” Robin continued, hiccuping a bit.

“Tip them for what?”

“To play bingo with the viewers- no, you fuckin dingus- what do you think?” Her sarcasm had an extra edge when she was drunk, but it was still funny to Steve. “I mean, sure, sometimes they just hang out. Do whatever. But usually, obviously-“

“Okay, okay, yep, I got the point. Geez, Robin, sorry not all of us have this knowledge on hand.” Steve quipped back. Robin got up, wrapping the blanket closer, leaving her mess on the counter.

“Here-“ she pulled her phone out, searched with sleepy eyes, and then sent a link to his phone, “- have a fuckin’ blast. You’re welcome. I’m going to sleep.”

And with that, Robin padded down the hall to her room, leaving Steve completely baffled by this unheard world of cam girls, and of course, leaving her kitchen mess for him to deal with, as well.

Unable to reach sleep some time later, Steve tossed and turned in his bed. Frustrated, he pulled his phone off the nightstand, and opened the text from Robin with the link she sent earlier. Hesitantly, his thumb hovered above the screen, wondering if this was something he even wanted to see.

“Guess it can’t hurt to look if I can’t sleep.” He thought, and opened the link. It loaded to a site that was a platform for those who wanted to cam model, and those who wanted to watch. So many links, categories, and thumbnails of really, really pretty girls. They didn’t look like the ones in those cringeworthy adult films, plastic and unrealistic- which, was fine if someone wanted to look that way, it just wasn’t really what he found attractive.

These girls were all in different poses, some wearing outfits that complimented their body shape, some wearing nothing at all. Steve sucked in a breath before locking his phone and throwing it down next to him on the bed.

“This is ridiculous. What the fuck am I doing?”

A few more minutes passed, and sleep still was nowhere to be found, so he reluctantly picked his phone up again, and started scrolling once more. A part of him felt wrong for this, it felt a little too realistic, like these were all just your average “girls next door” and he was looking where he shouldn’t. But another part of him wanted to see more, and let curiosity pull him in further.

Steve’s eyes fell on a thumbnail of a girl that stood out among the rest to him. Hesitantly, he clicked the link, and it opened to a live video of a young woman, he assumed around his age. She was stunning, to say the least, with long, silver and lavender hair, but maybe that was a wig... ? He couldn’t tell for sure, but regardless, she looked like a faerie or some cute shit like that. The girl wore a lacy, babydoll cut dress, thigh highs, and her skin shimmered among the lighting in the room around her. Her surroundings reflected how cute she was, as she was laid across a pink couch, lollipop in hand, like she was casually hanging out with friends. Pop music played softly in the background as she lip synced along.

It took a few minutes for Steve to figure out how the chat worked, and that it was easier to take everything in on a full screen rather than his phone, and opened up the chat room that belonged to the girl- her username was just as cutesy, PeachyKitten- on his laptop from there.

“I see some of you still lurking about, don’t be shy! We’re just hangin’ out tonight.” The girl said while twirling the lollipop through her fingers. Her voice sounded heavenly to Steve. His eyes fixated on her glossy, plush lips as she spoke, and wondered how it felt to kiss someone like her, how it felt to have lips like hers around his-

“Oh, thank you!” The girl replied to one of the viewers tipping her, just because. Her sweet voice shook Steve from the path his thoughts began to go down, feeling embarrassed for himself.

“I wasn’t really planning on playing tonight, but I did get new toys, so...” she left the camera frame for a moment, rustling in the background before coming back in view, with several vibrantly colored toys piled in her arms.

Steve’s eyes grew wide as he watched her flaunt and flash different toys used for who knows what, senses overwhelmed as his mind raced while he also tried to listen to her talk on.

“I have an idea- let’s play a fun game. Q&A? You guys ask me stuff while I play, and we’ll see how well I can focus and how long I can last, yeah?” The girl’s innocent features twisted just a bit into a devilish smirk. “Each tip you guys make sends the vibrator’s power up juuuust a little higher.”

Steve felt how hard he was already against his sweatpants, and wondered just how long he had been hard for already. This random girl from the internet was about to be the death of him, and she hadn’t even actually done anything sexual yet.

Exhaling deeply, he threw a hand through his hair, wondering just what the hell he got himself into here, before biting the bullet and finally entering info to sign up for an account. He joined into the chat just in time for the girl to start her Q&A game.

“Let’s lay down some rules, okay? Nothing personal and obviously invasive- like where I live or some shit, creeps.” She giggled. “Otherwise... all questions, sexual or not, are free game. Ask away, and I’ll answer as best as I can! You guys control the power of the vibrator with the tips, got it? By the way, I see some new cuties joined in, so hi there! My name’s Lex, let’s get to know each other.”

Lex winked into the camera, turning up the charm she held. Steve’s eyes fell away from her for a second as he saw the chat box speed up with activity, people already spamming with their questions, others just saying nice things about Lex. A few vulgar, disgusting comments floated through every now and then, but they were quickly blocked by Lex, without letting her positive mood falter on camera.

Repositioning herself, Lex moved onto her knees while on the couch, lifting her dress just a bit, revealing nothing underneath. Steve’s breath hitched in his throat as he held back a moan from involuntary slipping out. He noticed how curvy and a little squishier her body was, not like the models most guys his age drooled over. Lex showed off the bottom half of her body confidently, even with her stretch marks and imperfections in full view. All Steve could think about was how good it would feel if her thighs were wrapped around his he-

“Alrighty, first question-“ Lex started, pulling Steve from his thoughts turning dirty again. Flipping the vibrator onto the lowest setting, she gently ran it along the folds of her center, teasingly. “- Oh! I like this one- ‘what’s my favorite thing to pass time with’-“

Before she could answer, a moan slipped past her soft lips, and a chime echoed through the speakers of Steve’s laptop. Someone had tipped Lex, and sure enough, the vibrator automatically kicked up a notch, causing the pause in her voice.

Lex bit her lip, a bit dazed, trying to regain focus on answering the viewer’s question. “I love staying in, honestly. Like, I enjoy adventures, too, but there’s not much more I love than staying home in comfy cozy PJs, watching movies! Or reading. Sometimes, painting, too.”

Lex managed to finish her answer before a soft groan escaped her throat. She leaned back against the couch, legs up, showing full view of how wet she was, and it wasn’t until then that Steve wondered when the hell he started palming himself this hard, and for how long.

Another chime rang through, and the speed of the vibrator went up again, causing Lex’s head to fall back onto the couch as she moaned. A small ‘fuck’ made its way through the speakers, and Steve was sure he could have came right then and there.

“You guys are making this challenging from the start, huh?” She said, voice breathy and face flushed red. With one hand holding the vibrator on her clit, her free hand traveled up her body, playing softly with her breasts, trying to read another question. “What’s my favorite animal? Probably bunnies! They’re so adorable!”

Steve was floored with how Lex could multitask. Robin wasn’t kidding when she said sex work was real work.

Feeling a little more at ease as time passed, Steve typed in a question, remembering something she mentioned earlier: “what do u like to paint?”

Instantly he began second guessing himself, wondering if that was a boring question at a time like this. But only a second passed before Lex read his question out loud, answering with: “all kinds of stuff! I’m not very good at it, but I’m learning you don’t have to be good at something-“

Another chime, another tip, another notch up on the vibrator. Lex moaned out, louder this time, echoing in the room she was in. Without thinking, Steve’s hand reached down under his waistband, desperate for some sort of touch, even if it was his own. Slowly, he began stroking his length, letting his own moans tumble out of his mouth.

“- if- if you want to enjoy it!” Lex managed to finish, shaky, but still managed to get the sentence out. Steve felt overwhelmed; excited, because Lex answered his question, and excited, watching her struggle to get the answers out against her whines and moans.

Barely missing the sound of the chime over his own heavy breathing, Steve just caught it in time, watching Lex’s body begin to shake, a string of whimpers following.

“I- god- that feels so fucking good.” Lex moaned out, tugging at her nipples through the fabric of her dress. Steve watched her through hooded eyes, wiggling out of his sweatpants for a better grip on his member.

“I’m so close, so so close-“ Another whine escaped Lex, and Steve could feel himself getting closer to the edge in time with her. With his free, shaky, hand, he tipped her quickly, not paying much attention to the numbers he entered; he just wanted to push her to the edge, too.

The chime followed quickly after, and before Lex could even thank him, she began to ride out her high on camera, whimpers and moans traveling through the speaker to Steve, who was also riding out his orgasm at the same time. His eyes almost fell closed, but he couldn’t look away from how gorgeous Lex looked as her climax took over her body, making the end of his high that much sweeter.

“Holy shit,” Lex breathed out, sprawled out on her couch. “You guys are too good to me.”

As Steve came back down, he instantly felt a strange sort of shame he had never felt after anything sexual. Present time coming back into focus, he slammed his laptop shut, not watching Lex say goodnight.

Shame fell heavy on his mind, feeling dirty, but he was way too exhausted to think about it tonight, and let sleep overcome him quickly.

———

Sunlight poured into Steve’s room, and he immediately buried himself deeper in the covers, not ready to wake up yet. His body felt exhausted, still, and it didn’t take long for him to remember why.

The shame he felt the night before flooded back, and he was lost as to why he even felt it. It felt like an invasion of privacy, watching Lex’s show, but it wasn’t necessarily wrong. It was her job, after all, and he did tip like you should, so what was the problem?

“Shit. How much did I even send her?”

Steve pulled his laptop back open, refreshing the window, and seeing in his payments he sent-

“I’m a fucking dingus.” He groaned out loud to himself. There, in plain, bold text, was the number $100- definitely not $10 like he had thought he typed in. He guessed it was only fair, since $10 wasn’t a whole lot in the long run. He wasn’t sure what the proper etiquette was for cam girls, and wasn’t sure if there was any at all.

Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he noticed the message box on his account had a notification. Confused, he clicked it-

PeachyKitten: hi cutie! Thank you so much for the generous tip last night! Most newcomers don’t do that, so I really appreciate it! Let’s chat and play soon- one on one, okay?

-lex <3

Steve felt his regret fade away reading the message, but only for a moment. “She has to be nice- this is how she makes a living. I can’t get caught up thinking I’m special, or some shit.”

Still, he didn’t feel as bad as he originally did, and it wasn’t like he was spending that money on going out or anything...

Stretching, he noticed how hard he was again, and sighed, annoyed at himself. This stranger on the internet had him swooning already. He just wanted to learn more about her, and it didn’t hurt that she made him weak in the knees just with that smile.

Steve replied back quickly, trying to play it cool, and hoped time would pass fast until they got to chat again.

———

Palms clammy with sweat, Steve waited for Lex to reply back, giving the okay to start video chatting. She said she needed a minute, and that minute felt like an eternity. It had been all day, and he was grateful he had off this weekend to laze around and wait for a dreamy, internet stranger. He felt like a fool, but he couldn’t control himself. He was hooked.

A gentle chime rang out, and the call screen came up on Steve’s laptop. Hesitating before answering, he gave it a moment, trying not to seem desperate, and finally picked up. His screen loaded, showing himself in the smaller corner, buried in a cozy hoodie and sweats. Lex’s screen loaded after, and she wore a loose tank top, large cardigan, and pajama shorts, like she was enjoying a cozy day at home, the way she said she liked.

“Hi, cutie!” She beamed, giving her well known innocent smile. Steve felt his stomach do flips, not sure what to say or do, completely speechless as his jaw dropped open, and no sound fell out.

Lex giggled at his stunned silence. “You okay over there, Steve?”

Steve cleared his throat, growing red in the face, forgetting for a second his name is on his profile and wondered how the hell she knew it at first. “Y-yeah, sorry, I just- I don’t- I’ve never done this before- any of this-“

“Don’t be nervous! We’re just hanging out, right?” Lex took over so casually and comfortably, like she wasn’t chatting with one of her customers. “How are you?”

“I- I’m good, y-yourself?”

“I’m alright, still in a good mood from last night.” Lex smirked, looking off, before looking back into the camera. “I just wanted to personally thank you, you didn’t have to tip so much. I usually don’t ask for personal calls first, I let boys earn ‘em. But you had me wondering.”

Steve felt his face grow even deeper in the shade of red from earlier, “Wondering what?”

“Just who you are. What you’re about. You learned about me last night, I was wondering what there is to learn about you.” Lex replied, twirling the ends of her hair- and sure enough, it was still the silver and lavender mix.

“Well, uh...” Steve paused, not sure how to answer that. “I’m not- I don’t want anything from you- if that’s how this all came across. I’m not expecting anything. You- you’re just really cute and uh- god I’m so bad at this-”

“You’re fine, it’s okay! I’m sorry if I made you nervous, putting you on the spot like this. If anything, I just wanted to say thank you.” Lex said, smiling genuinely. Even if it was a mistake, Steve didn’t regret how much he tipped her now. If anything, it made her happy.

“If anything, I should be thanking you, I didn’t know what I was getting into... but I liked it.”

“Oh? Well I’m glad you did.” Lex said, blushing a bit.

“I’ve been in a weird funk lately and- Jesus Christ, why am I telling you this- sorry.”

“Don’t be, I’m glad I could take your mind off of things for a little while, at least.” Lex smiled, “I can do it again, if you want. Here, download this.”

A link popped up in the message box; it opened a download for an app to wirelessly control a vibrator. Steve’s breath stopped short, eyes now fixed on Lex’s lips as she bit the bottom one, and his eyes grew dark, thoughts headed elsewhere.

One thing led to another, and clothes were lost- Steve’s mind went haywire over how beautiful Lex was- while the once awkward air was now filled with gasps and moans, and although Lex was so much more experienced than he was, his confidence didn’t falter back. Slowly, he grew more comfortable in this bizarre situation, where he was in control of the toy she used on herself, from who knows how fucking far away.

Lex gasped sharply as Steve turned the power up higher, causing her to reach the edge. “I’m c-close, daddy.” She managed to stutter out, and that sent Steve even closer to his edge, moaning out. Lex didn’t seem to be phased by the name slipping out, engulfed in her own pleasure. With a free hand, he switched the vibrator up even higher, sending Lex above and beyond her limits.

Steve followed close behind her, groaning out a “good girl” towards Lex, and that surprised himself. He watched as she rode out her high, naturally glowing as she let herself go, and he could have sworn he saw her lips twist up at the sound of the nickname. It was all more than enough to send Steve through his own climax, and hard.

Skin tinted shades of pink and red, Lex fell back against her couch, just like the night before, trying to catch her breath, a sweet smile appearing across her face. Something about how she presented herself as someone real, not bouncing back up right away like a machine, not shutting off her emotions- because Lex was a real, living, breathing person- got to Steve. Not acting, not faking it. As if they weren’t held apart by this technology barrier. It was a whole new world for Steve, and he just wanted more.

“Gimme a second.” Lex croaked out with a raspy, tired voice. Softly laughing, she was still lying back on her couch, exhausted. “I didn’t think you’d crank it that high up.”

Steve, also trying to catch his breath, laughed, feeling his face heat up. “Sorry, I didn’t think a lot of things were going to happen that did, so...”

A beat passed before Lex sat up, face still flushed as she gazed into the camera, then eyes flickering to Steve onscreen. “Like what?”

“‘Daddy’, huh?” He chuckled, still trying to catch his breath. Lex bit her lip, looking away.

“Yeah, well, you’re the one who called me a good girl, so, I don’t wanna hear it.” She countered back, causing heat to rise to Steve’s face again.

Still feeling somewhat confident and brave enough, he let his softer side show through to Lex, “I- is it- okay if I say I wish I was there right now?”

“For what, cutie?” Lex asked back, voice still sweet as pie.

“Sorry- I’m just a real sap I guess-“

“Don’t apologize.” Lex interjected before taking a breath. “I wish you were here too, I could definitely use some cuddling right now.”

“I just- I wasn’t sure if that was, like, overstepping boundaries, I guess.”

“Usually, I don’t hang out after a session like this... but, you’re cute. Really cute, Steve. Do you mind hanging out a little longer? Unless you’ve got somewhere to be or-“

“No! I mean, no, I don’t have anywhere to be right now.” He corrected quickly before continuing. “I’m kind of a homebody these days.”

Like they didn’t just fuck over the webcam, the conversation began to naturally shift, as if they were just in the same room with one another. Lex’s face lit up a bit, “See, I knew there’s stuff about you that I wanted to discover! What’s your favorite movie lately? Wait- hold that thought, I wanna clean up first, and then you better have an answer when I’m back!”

After they both were cleaned up and in new, comfy clothes- Lex’s hair seemed to magically change from the silvery mix to, long, bouncy brunette curls (Steve realized he was right, it was a wig, probably to conceal her real identity just a little online)- they both began to just talk, get to know each other, like they didn’t get to know each other through a webcam site. Steve felt the nervousness continue to fall away as he and Lex carried on conversation, watching her facial expressions change as she talked so animatedly, so bubbly, excited over the simple things in her life. She listened intently whenever Steve talked about his likes and dislikes, bonding over how similar they were in so many interests.

Steve made a mental note to thank Robin later for pushing him to try this whole webcam thing out.

#i’ll post part two later!! maybe tonight?? idk if anyone’s gonna even care for this LOL #steve harrington x oc #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #steve harrington x ofc #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington smut #steve harrington fluff #modern!au #webcam!au #stranger things fanfic #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things x reader #stranger things x oc #stranger things x you #sweet spot #my fics

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justcallmehitgirl · 5 years

Text

Good Woman Part 4 (Peter Parker x Female Reader Smut)

Summary: Peter knows he’s getting in too deep.

Word Count: 4700

Warnings: smut, language, fluff, and some angst.

A/N: Sorry for the delay! I meant to get this chapter out sooner, but I’ve been bar prepping during the day so my writing has been limited to my nights. I’m excited to see where this story goes so I hope you enjoy this chapter. Things are about to get interesting is all I can say for now. As always, thank you for reading! Your support really means a lot to me and inspires me to continue writing.

(4/21/20): I fixed some typos, grammar mistakes, character inconsistencies, etc. from my original posting. I also made some stylistic changes.

PART ONE / PART TWO / PART THREE // PART FIVE / PART SIX / PART SEVEN / PART EIGHT / PART NINE / STORY PAGE

“You wanna come over and watch ‘Batman v. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ after school? I just downloaded it yesterday!” Ned exclaims, bouncing on his feet excitedly.

Peter glances over, readjusting the strap of his backpack over his shoulder as students hastily brush past them towards the entrance doors, signaling that it’s the end of another day.

He gives Ned a half-smile. “Sorry man, I can’t today. I gotta work on some stuff.”

Ned’s eyes dart around cautiously before leaning in and whispering, “Spider-Man related stuff?”

Peter shakes his head. “No, just academic decathlon-related stuff.”

Ned knits his brows. “Academic decathlon? But you haven’t been to practice in weeks.”

Peter massages the back of his neck, his forehead creasing. “Yeah about that, I talked to Mr. Harrington and I’m stepping down from the team—”

“Dude, you can’t! You’re the only one who aced Physics, you can’t leave us!”

“Relax Ned, it’s all good cause I’ll be helping out with coaching instead.”

Ned knits his brows. “But Y/N Y/L/N’s in charge of coaching?”

“Yeah, I’m actually meeting up with Y/N after school.”

Ned stops in his tracks, placing a hand on Peter’s arm.

“Wait, I think I hallucinated for a second. What are you doing after school?”

“I’m meeting up with Y/N.”

“Holy shit, you’re seriously going to hang out with Y/N? When did you start talking to Y/N?!”

“Chill, Ned, it’s not a big deal,” Peter shrugs, continuing to walk forward as Ned follows.

“Not a big deal? She’s one of the prettiest and smartest girls in our school. And you were just saying how hard you’ve been crushing on her for years.”

“Shhh, Ned! Besides, that was like a month ago.”

“So you don’t like her anymore?” Ned asks, raising his brows.

“I never said that.”

“So you’re in love with her?”

“Ned,” Peter groans. “It’s complicated.”

“How? When? I need details, Peter!”

Peter licks his lips, contemplating whether Ned should know the entire story.

“She just sat next to me in art class the other day and we started talking and then she asked me for help.”

“I can’t believe she asked you for help. You know she doesn’t give any guy at this school the time of day, right?”

“Gee thanks, Ned. And so what? She has a right to spend her time as she wants. She’s a busy person with a lot of responsibilities. She wants to go Ivy League you know.”

Ned just shakes his head. “You got it bad for her, huh?”

Peter rolls his eyes, stopping outside the doors of the library.

“I’m meeting her here.”

“You are one lucky dude.”

If he only knew, Peter thinks.

“Let me come with you,” Ned beams, tugging on Peter’s arm.

“What? No way!”

“C’mon, I need some entertainment this afternoon since you’re bailing on me.”

“Ned. . .”

“Alright, alright, I’ll leave you two lovebirds alone then.”

Peter playfully shoves Ned’s shoulder. “Thanks man, I’ll see you later.”

Peter heads inside, taking a quick look over his shoulder to see Ned still watching him intently. He motions for Ned to leave, who throws his arms up in mock frustration as he walks away.

Peter scans the library, his breath quickening as his eyes land on you. sitting at a table by yourself. You’re sitting alone, your chin resting on the palm of your hand with your eyes cast down at a textbook. Peter’s eyes are wide as he gazes at you for a few moments, admiring your serene expression. He’s become so used to being with you alone in the confines of your cozy bedroom, where it’s just the two of you wrapped up in each other, that it’s a bit jarring seeing you in such a similar state in public.

His hands feel clammy, imagining how to interact with you outside your bubble. He wonders if you’ll figure it out. Peter knows you’re smart—he’s sure you’ll figure it out eventually. But lately he’s been wondering what sort of image you’ve built in your mind as to Spider-Man’s true identity. He wonders if you think he’s some sort of suave Tony Stark-type, or a rugged Steve Rogers.

But he knows for a fact that you’ve probably never considered it could be him: Peter Parker. Peter Parker from Queens with no parents and no money who lives with his aunt in a cramped two-bedroom apartment. The same Peter Parker who spilled milk all over himself in the third grade, got teased every day in middle school, and was too much of a coward to tell you to your face how much he likes you.

Peter frowns and wonders if he’s actually jealous of his alter ego—his alter ego who got to hold you, kiss you, and touch you all over. He thinks he’s going crazy. But he knows that even though him and Spider-Man are one in the same, one got to call you his while the other would only ever pine for you.

The more he ponders, the more he just wants to turn right back around, walk out of the building, and watch “Batman v. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” with Ned. He briefly thinks it’ll be easier to just make up some excuse to stay away from you at school.

But there’s a part of him that simply aches to be around you as himself and give you the things that Spider-Man can’t. His heart pounds, silently hoping that maybe one day he will.

Peter draws in a deep breath and rakes a hand through his hair before continuing towards you. He grips the strap of his backpack. “Hey.”

You look up and smile, eyes bright. “Hi Peter.”

Peter gulps, tugging on the collar of his shirt as he slips into the seat across from you. “What’re reading?”

“U.S. Government,” you respond, lifting it up to show him the red, white, and blue cover like you’re Vanna White.

He chuckles lightly and unzips his backpack to take out his laptop. “Who do you have?”

“Mr. Grant. He’s tough, but he really prepares you for his exams. Plus,” you lean in close, voice hushed, “I think he’s secretly a softie, but you didn’t hear that from me.”

“Duly noted.”

“Are you taking U.S. History now with Mrs. Taylor?”

Peter nods, booting up his laptop.

“Focus on the chapter takeaways at the end of each section. That’s where she usually gets her exam questions from. Oh, and try to volunteer a lot. She usually bumps up your grade if she sees you making an effort.”

“That’s super helpful, thanks,” Peter smiles.

“Of course,” you smile back and close your textbook. You both just smile at each other for a moment before you blink, looking away to start up your laptop. Peter clears his throat, cheeks flushed as he looks back at his computer screen.

“So, I was thinking,” you continue, “that we could go off of Mr. Harrington’s practice questions first. Then we can look online and compile some of our own. I found a bunch of older questions that they’ve asked in the past which we can use as a guide or something. Sound good?”

“Yeah definitely. I mean, I defer to the expert.”

“Great. Oh!” You reach down to dig through your backpack. “I brought index cards. I usually write the questions down on them so it’s easier to go through later.”

You fish out a few unopened packs before reaching across the table to offer them to Peter. He reaches over to take them, fingers lightly brushing against yours.

“Sorry,” he blushes, gripping the index cards tightly in his grasp.

“You’re fine,” you wave. “Thanks again for helping me with this. I was thinking about it more, and I realize I may have cornered you into it. I can be a little pushy.”

“Not at all,” Peter blurts quickly. “You didn’t corner me into it and you’re not pushy. I’m happy to help, and I’m pretty glad I can apart of the team in some way so I guess I should be the one thanking you for asking me.”

You smile. “We’ll call it even then. I feel the same too, by the way. I really miss being on the team if I’m being honest.”

“Why did you quit?”

You sigh heavily and shrug. “My course load is more intense this year so I had to make some changes. Plus I tutor after school so that’s absorbed a lot of my time.”

Peter cocks his head. “You tutor?”

“Yup, sixth and seventh grade math at Queens Rock Middle,” you beam.

“That’s really cool. Do you like it?”

“I love it. I feel like I’m really making a difference in their lives, which is pretty rewarding.”

“Yeah, I. . . uh. . . I wish I was helping people like you do,” he says lamely

Well, besides saving New York from impending doom from time to time, of course, he thinks.

“Well not to sign you up for something else, but they could always use more volunteers.”

Peter squints his eyes playfully. “I feel like you have a secret agenda going on here.”

“Of course, I need to groom a protege to take my place. It’s part of my evil master plan.”

“I doubt you have an evil bone in your body.”

You raise your brow. “Wanna bet?”

You eye him deviously, and Peter gulps—feeling a wave of tension blanket over you both. You suddenly laugh.

“I’m just kidding! Lighten up, Peter,” you tease.

Peter gives you a lopsided grin. He watches as your gaze lowers onto his mouth. Your smile falters.

He furrows his brows. “What?”

You blink and look away. “Nothing, it’s nothing. I was just thinking we have a lot to get through this afternoon so we should get on it,” you murmur, voice tight.

Peter simply nods in response, mouth settling in a hard line as you turn your attention towards your computer screen.

You sit in silence for the next hour. Peter chews on his bottom lip while occasionally stealing a few glances over at you. You keep your eyes cast downward, attention fixed on scribbling down questions on the index cards laid out in front of you. He watches as a piece of hair falls over your face, and he clenches his fist to stop himself from reaching over to tuck it behind your ear.

“Hey Y/N.”

You both look up. Peter’s eyes immediately narrows while his jaw tightens.

“Hi Brad,” you greet, voice even and stoic. Brad’s eyes dart between you and Peter before settling on you, ignoring Peter entirely.

“So, are you ready for the Calc test on Monday?”

You give a half-shrug and respond, “I think so, although I’m struggling a bit with derivatives.”

“Same,” Brad breathes, throwing his hands in the air. “I was struggling like crazy when Mrs. Park was first explaining it."

You chuckle, “Agreed.”

“Well, if you’re still struggling with it, w-would you maybe want to study together this weekend? I’m a big fan of study buddies.”

Peter grips his pen tightly, feeling it start to snap in his hand. He wants to shout, Back off, Brad. She’s mine. Peter immediately admonishes himself—recognizing that such an outburst would be entirely weird and inappropriate. He knows you aren’t his, or even Spider-Man’s. You didn’t belong to anybody.

“Oh that’s so nice, I really appreciate the offer, Brad. But I prefer to study by myself. I’m not really great studying with other people, tend to get too distracted and stuff.”

Peter can sense that you notice Brad’s look of defeat so you add politely, “I’ll definitely let you know if I change my mind though.”

“Yeah, of course. It’s no problem, Y/N. I’m free whenever.”

You nod and plaster a smile on your face. Peter’s forehead creases as he watches Brad continue to gawk at you. You blink and smack your lips together. “So. . . um, me and Peter have to get back to writing up questions for academic decathlon.”

Your voice shakes Brad out of his stupor, face flushing. “Oh yeah sure, I’ll. . . uh. . . see you later.”

He waves awkwardly and hastily scurries away. You shake your head and continue working.

“I think he likes you,” Peter pipes in, eyes cast down as he busily scribbles on an index card.

You glance up, nose crinkling. “Brad? No way.”

“He was practically drooling over you,” Peter remarks.

“You think so?”

Peter purses his lips. “I’m sure of it.”

You smile. “Brad’s not a bad guy.”

“Are you. . . like. . . interested?”

You bit your lip to stifle a laugh. “No, not at all. Brad’s nice, but I wouldn’t want to go out with him.”

“Oh, okay,” Peter mumbles.

“Plus, just between us, I—I’m already seeing someone actually.”

Peter perks up at your response, but he keeps his eyes cast down. “Really? Do I know him?”

“No, he doesn’t go to Midtown.”

“College guy, huh?”

You laugh. “Umm… no. Well, I don��t think so actually.”

“Is it serious?”

You bite your lip. “Yeah, I think so.”

“Well, he sounds like a really lucky guy.”

“No, I'm pretty sure I’m the lucky one,” you beam, a flush creeping on your face as you turn your attention back to your index cards.

Peter quickly glances at you while the corner of his mouth subtly lifts.

—

Peter does not move at first, body pressed near your window as he observes you.

You’re lying on your bed, a pillow tucked under your chest as your eyes scan your computer screen. He takes in the sight of you, from your oversized sweatshirt to your form-fitting black leggings. You toy with a lock of hair, the light emanating from the computer softly illuminating your face.

Peter finally lifts his hand to lightly knock, watching your head jerk in his direction. You smile brightly, waving your hand to motion for him to enter. He obeys, pushing open the window and slipping inside. You quickly shut your laptop close, moving it aside. You sit up as he approaches you, lifting up his mask to give you a kiss.

“How are you?” you ask against his lips.

“Better now that I’m with you.”

“You’re such a sap,” you tease.

“I can’t help it, I’m with the girl of my dreams.”

You narrow your eyes at him playfully. “Are you just trying to butter me up?”

“Me? Not at all.”

You shake your head and look away bashfully.

“Hey,” he says, lifting your chin up with his finger so you’re looking at him. “I want to show you something.”

You tilt your head, and he grabs your hand. You stand up, and he leads you towards the window, gently tugging you along as he pulls his mask back down. You turn your head, and quickly glance over at your bedroom door. Will your parents notice that you’re gone?, you think. Would they freak out? Call the cops? Should you risk it?

But those thoughts are quickly squashed by the warm feeling in your chest as you bend down to crawl through the window, his hands lightly grasping your hips in support. As your feet land on the fire escape, your body straightens, your eyes looking up at the night sky.

Peter stands beside you, and you turn, brows quirked. “Where are we going?”

“Do you trust me?”

You nod in response, and he pulls you close to him. He wraps his arms around your waist. “Hold onto me,” he whispers, voice hot and soft against the shell of your ear.

You loop your arms around his neck. “Okay,” you breathe.

You glance down, body tensing and bottom lip trembling.

“Are you okay?” He runs his arms over your hips.

“Yeah, I’m okay.”

“Ready?”

“No,” you chuckle nervously.

Peter peers down at you, his voice soft and soothing to compensate for his covered face. “Hey, I won’t let anything happen to you.”

You reluctantly nod and Peter exhales deeply. He takes a few steps backward before leaping off the fire escape, your face immediately burying in the crook of his neck as you shut your eyes tightly. Your hair whips in the wind as Peter swings over the bustling city below, your grip tightening around his shoulders as you let out a surprised shriek at he momentum.

“Don’t be afraid!” Peter shouts, glancing down at you.

You breathe in deeply before lifting your head and opening your eyes. You blink as you hesitantly looks down, your eyes roaming over the cars zipping through the streets, the lights shining from street lamps, and the crowds of people drifting down the sidewalks.

“Everything looks so tiny,” you murmur, awe transforming your face.

“It’s cool, right?”

You look up, your eyes glistening as you nod excitedly. He grins underneath his mask, tightening his hold on you as he continues swinging from building to building. Your wide eyes dart around, mesmerized by the sight as you clutch him close as your heart beats wildly.

Neither of you had been in love before, but the thought crosses both your minds: “Maybe this is love.”

He feels you nuzzle your face against his chest, your body still and relaxed as you continue absorbing the sights and sounds surrounding you.

Peter eventually slows his movements, spotting a good place to stop and rest.

Once his feet meet the rooftop, you untangle yourself from his arms, jumping up and down exuberantly.

“Holy shit, that was amazing! I can’t believe you can do that all the time!”

“It’s one of the perks of the job.”

“Does it ever get old?”

Peter shakes his head. “No way, sometimes I’m just jumping out of my skin to get out here. To be above the ground, it makes me feel like a bigger part of the world.”

“Thank you for this.”

“I know I can’t give you much right now, and I can’t take you out on dates dressed like. . . this, but I wanted to show you a little piece of my world.”

“I really appreciate that.”

You pause for a moment, your forehead creasing before you continue, “Do you think you’d do this forever? The whole superhero thing I mean?”

“I honestly I don’t know. I feel like I should though. You see, when you can do the things that I can do and you don’t and then the bad things happen. . . they happen because you didn’t do anything to stop them.”

“That sounds like quite a lot to carry on your shoulders.”

Peter gives you a half-shrug. “You get used to it.”

You nod before looking away, your head tilting as you gaze up at the dark sky.

Peter watches you, your mouth

“It’s quite a sight,” you murmur.

His eyes never leave you as he responds, “It is.”

You hug yourself, your body shivering as a cool autumn breeze envelopes you.

“Cold?”

“Just a little.”

He pulls you into his arms, hugging you close as he strokes your back. He feels you relax against him, enjoying the warmth emanating from his suit.

“My brown-eyed boy,” you hum softly.

You both begin swaying to the tune. Peter’s movements are a little clumsy, but your smiles encourage him to continue, even extending his arm to spin you around, earning him a giggle.

He slides his hand down your back, his fingers brushing against your bottom. As he starts to move his hand, you look up.

“You don’t have to stop. I like it when you touch me,” you whisper.

Peter licks his lips, feeling the familiar heat rising in his belly. His eyes dart around the empty rooftop over to the surrounding buildings.

“But. . . “

You take his hand, placing it over your covered center. He tilts his head, pulling his mask above his mouth as his throat bobs.

“Are you sure? What if someone sees?”

“I don’t care. I want you,” you say, your voice husky.

Peter just nods dumbly, gently grabbing the back of your neck to press his lips against yours. The kiss is slow and soft, his hand resting below your ear as your breaths mingle. You press into him, your heart beating rapidly in tandem with his. Your tongues dance for dominance, the intensity building as your hand travels down his spine, his body quivering from your touch.

You pull your mouth away, turning your body in his arms to press your back against his chest. He runs his hands along your body, feeling his way from your waist up to your chest. You turn your head to kiss him again, moaning in his mouth as he massages your breast through your sweatshirt.

Your lips fall away from his, your mouth gaping as his other hand hovers over the waistband of your leggings.

“Please,” you whine.

Without missing a beat, he dips his hand beneath the fabric, his teasing fingers making you tremble. You lean your head back to rest on his shoulder as he runs his fingers over lips, parting them slowly. He start to massage your clit, your wetness trickling onto his hand to help his movements.

The hand massaging your breast snakes underneath your sweatshirt, your nipple hardening instantly under his thumb. You arch your back, pushing your ass against him.

You grip onto his forearms as you rock against his hand, increasing the pressure on your clit. Your eyes flutter open, your eyes fixed on the stars above you.

His fingers briefly leave your clit as he pushes them inside you. Your face flushes as your tight opening clenches around him, his touch drawing even more slickness from your folds.

“Do this feel good?” he asks, his voice strained.

You nod. “You make me feel so good,” you moan. “You make me feel beautiful.”

“You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met.”

He removes his slick fingers from inside you, and you softly mewl. He continues caressing your clit, finger rubbing in steady circles. You tighten your grip on his arms, body tense. You grind erratically against him, his hard length nestled between your cheeks.

You start to babble incoherent words, filled with breathy gasps and moans.

“I want you to come for me,” he whispers, quickening his movements on your clit.

He places his lips on the side of your throat, licking and sucking your pulse point. You cry out loudly as you start to shake in his arms as you cum. He slips his fingers back inside of you, and your pussy clenches around him. He rocks against you, increasing the pressure against his crotch.

His lips leave your skin, head falling forward as his orgasm follows. He grunts, thrusting against you in short jerks as he releases.

He holds you firmly against him, cupping your pussy in his hand as his thrusts slow. Your body slumps against him, He turns you around in his arms to softly kiss you, as you practically melt in his embrace.

“You really know how to show a girl a good time,” you smile dreamily.

He smooths his hand over your hair. “You’d be the first.”

“You’re just being modest. I bet you get all the ladies in real life.”

Peter chuckles. “Maybe in a different life.”

“In a different life, huh? Well maybe in a different life I can say that I met you somewhere? Like when those couples say they didn’t meet on Tinder or something.”

He smiles. “Okay, where did we meet?”

You bite your lip. “Umm, how about on the bus?”

“The bus?”

“Yes, ‘Speed’ was one of my favorite movies growing up so I thought it was kind of romantic that Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock got together at the end.”

He shakes his head and chuckles. He strokes your lower back. “Mental noted. Please continue.”

“Okay, hmm. . . how about I was coming home from school one day. All the seats were taken so I had to stand. . . but then you saw me and you were such a gentleman that you gave me your seat. Then we introduced ourselves, and you complimented my sweatshirt, which happened to be my favorite Mickey Mouse one.”

He hums in approval as you continue, “And then you saw the math book in my hands and—”

“And we talked about your love for math,” he finishes.

You look up and grin widely. “Yes, exactly. And then I noticed your Star Wars shirt and we talked about how I haven’t seen the new Star Wars movies.”

“Wait, how have you not seen the new Star Wars movies?”

“I’m a sucker for the originals. I still refuse to watch the prequels.”

“Blasphemy I tell you,” he teases. “But please, keep going.”

“But alas, we arrived at my stop so I had to leave, but you followed me even though your stop was blocks away. You walked me to the doorstep of my apartment building and then we exchanged numbers.”

“And we texted all day and night,” Peter murmurs.

“And then I saw you on the bus the next day, and the next day, and the next day. And then you finally asked me out.”

“I like our story.”

“Yeah, me too,” you yawn.

“C’mon, let’s get you home. It’s getting late and I gotta get out of this suit,” he softly laughs, placing a delicate kiss on your temple.

You knit your brows together, opening your mouth but the words fall from your lips as realization dawns on. You glance down at his crotch, your cheeks reddening.

“Are you sure you can take me home in that. . . state?”

“I’m not sure, this has never happened before,” he blushes.

You bite your lip to stop the giggle from escaping your mouth. You place a chaste kiss on his lips as you wrap your arms around his neck.

“Ready?”

You nod as he pulls his mask over the rest of his face. You inhale deeply as he leaps from the building your body still buzzing from your orgasm. You close your eyes, resting your head against him as the wind rustles through your hair.

Once Peter lands on your fire escape, he nuzzles his face against your hair before easing you down gently, his arms still wrapped around you.

“When will I see you again?”

He strokes the side of your face, closing your eyes as you lean into his touch.

“I don’t know. My patrolling schedule is. . . unpredictable.”

“Okay,” you smile weakly, shoulders slumping.

Peter bows his head, wishing he could wipe the disappointed look from your face. “In our story, I take you to my favorite pizza spot.”

"Go on.”

“And then we get ice-cream. . . go to Astoria Park and sit in one of those benches to watch the sunset.”

“Does this date end with a goodnight kiss at my front door?”

“Sure. . . then I can awkwardly explain to your parents why I’m kissing their daughter.”

“My parents would love you.”

“They would?”

“Mhmm, as long as you don’t tell them that we sneak around at night, of course.”

He laughs. “Sounds fair.”

Peter wants that more than anything. He craves normalcy with you wants—he wants to meet your parents, walk you home from school, take you to the movies. He wants you to hang out with him and Ned and show you all the Star Wars prequels. He wants to call you his.

Peter closes his eyes, hoping this never ends. But soon another thought creeps up in his mind that makes his throat feel tight and chest hurt. He frowns, instinctively clutching you closer in his arms.

He knows that everything ends eventually.

Tag list: @thatpeterparkerfan / @professionalphangirluniverse / @julimelodi / @sighharrington / @merelymarianne / @soloseb / @superspideyy / @babyjesuscat / @stardust-ghost / @oh-annaa / @iloveyouironman / @nyeddleblog / @bloominess / @itsjust-evalyn / @shawnmendes-thewriter / @cotton-octopus / @ghostofdrfluke / @imofficiallyobsessed / @charismas-world / @f1zzy-izzy / @kissykissykissykissykissy / @thepeterfuckinparker / @ahajalen1 / @vhgirlforever / @sargentjamesbarnes / @icecoldghost / @space-princesssss / @undiadeestos / @teenageeggsneckpasta / @ lindabanri02222 / @franbway / @5sosuperntaural / @spookyanairwin / @spideyluke / @writing-panda-uwu / @yanderepeterparker / @tomshufflepuff / @slutforbuckybarnes / @mindset-jupiter / @mutuallynotmutual / @maybemona

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my-arlington-academia · 4 years

Text

Tyler birthday fanfic 🎨🖌🎉

Welp. It’s almost Tadashi’s birthday and here I am releasing the fic that was supposed to be for Tyler’s birthday... Sorry about that 😔🎉🎉 I just can’t abandon my underrated boi. You know the drill, since Scholar was a she in Neha’s fic, he’s back to being a he in this one. It’s been a while since I wrote something so I just hope it won’t be too sucky 🤞

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About one week and 3 days had passed since August 21st. Back in the day, Tyler always thought that it was nice to have his birthday during the summer break. But now that he had made so many friends in Arlington? It sucked. They all sent him birthday wishes but Tyler still desperately wanted to see them. Even Karolina of all people left him a short message. Under a picture of one of his paintings on Instantgram, she wrote ”You actually make some pretty good stuff, happy birthday *birthday cake emoji* *gift emoji*”

”Gee, thanks...”

Tyler knew that she forced herself to do this only because he was Tegan’s best friend. Or knowing Tegan, he probably tried to get Karolina to write something in a not-so-subtle way. Like coming to eat in the dining hall for once just to tell her that it was Tyler’s birthday soon. Tegan always grabs some food from the kitchen to eat it in his room, his daily routine just doesn’t correlate with the rest of his family... which isn’t surprising. When he’s on summer break, he plays games until 1am at least, 4am at most. He’s a wreck. Anyhow, it was clear that Karolina didn’t give much of a damn about Tyler. Never did, never will. To Tyler, her comment meant something along the lines of: ”Not as good as others but it doesn’t completely suck, I guess.”

Thankfully, the rest of the messages sounded much more genuine. Axel had shared some of Tyler’s work on his Tweeter, he announced that it was one of his best friend’s birthday and that his followers should ”give him some love!” Tyler is pretty sure that he gained like... 75k followers in a couple of days. The rest were pretty normal birthday wishes. Ellie and Tegan sent him some DaNk MeMeS™ as usual and Claire sent him some really cute gifs. Sometimes Claire reminded him of a really young grandma, or a mom. But to no surprise, the funniest message was from Tadashi.

”[This message was deleted]

Shit sorry.

Happy birthday is what I meant, it was a typo.

*confetti emoji* *confetti emoji* *gift emoji* *slice of cake emoji*

Oh and by the way, please come to school from the very first day this time.

It was really a pain in the ass last year, having to ask for the photographer to come back.”

Tyler had a giggle when he read it for the first time. Tadashi *correctly* using emojis? That’s huge character development from someone who used to say that ”he doesn’t need silly pictures” to express himself. And as always, he couldn't ’t stop himself from bringing up school into something completely unrelated. Tyler muttered under his breath.

”God, you can be so annoyingly cute sometimes.”

Strangely enough, although all of those messages made him happy... well except Karolina’s, the one that stood out the most to him was Scholar’s. It was really simple, yet Tyler’s heart had made a triple salto arrière when he first got the notification.

”Happy B-day!!! 😊🎉 Can’t wait to see you again in September!!! Miss you a lot, like really. Kinda sucks that we haven’t been able to talk a whole lot in the past month.”

Tyler and Scholar were texting eachother on a daily basis at the start of July but after that, they kind of fell out of it gradually. The timeframe between each text started getting bigger and bigger until they completely stopped texting in August. There wasn’t anything wrong going on between them, on the contrary they genuinely liked eachother but Scholar was getting really busy with his part-time job. As for Tyler, he was painting, going on trips in Europe with his family and some other random business. He really wished they could’ve gone somewhere together. Tyler was well-aware of how different a life can be depending on your monthly income but interacting on a daily basis with someone who had to actively go out of his way to work during *vacation* really put things into perspective. Getting ”I’m back from work!" texts at 6pm or even 8pm made Tyler feel like shit. Scholar worked almost the entire day for a few bucks and still called it a ”part-time job” while Tyler was complaining about going on vacations on the other side of the Atlantic ocean just because it was *mildly* draining. They were both the same age and went to the same school but their lives were almost entirely different out of it. To be honest, Tyler felt like he hadn’t achieved anything in those 2 months while Scholar was constantly making a race against the clock to make the most of this limited amount of time. Despite his lineage, Tyler was somehow really good at putting himself down and think lowly of himself. He wondered how his friends would respond if they knew how useless and pathetic he thought he was. He missed them so much.

Even though he usually hated the end of August because it meant that school would start again soon, this time he couldn’t wait for September to come around. Tyler’s father thought that his son had finally lost it for good. Now here we are, September 1st. Tegan should already be there at the entrance waiting for his friend like they promised, but he was nowhere to be seen. Weird.

Tyler went inside the dorms to check on his room and hopefully meet his roommate there. But again, no Tegan in sight. Actually, thinking about it now, he didn’t run into anyone he was close with since earlier which is weird because he was good friends with a bunch of flashy people. Surely he could at least find Ellie if he went looking for her in the robotics clubroom, she’s always making something new there. But no, no Ellie nor Tegan. Tyler started making rounds in the school in hopes of finding some of his friends, anyone, even Karolina is fine at this point. He was craving for this day to come as soon as possible to see his friends again, but now that he was finally back in Arlington he didn’t find anyone? What’s this sorcery?

He was ready to give up, go back to the dorms and unpack his belongings when a cheerful voice called out to him from behind.

"Hey! Tyler, good to see you again! You... don’t look so well. Are you okay? I can lend you an ear you know.”

It was Scholar. As usual they went to the garden. Why is it that they always go there to talk about their feelings? By the time they reached the benches and sat down on one of them, an eery silence had already installed itself between the two of them, which is odd. Scholar hopelessly tried to change the mood with some small talk. Knowing Tyler though, he’ll probably open up soon enough. Scholar guessed right.

”Scholar... You really don’t have to do this. I was just trying to gather my thoughts but instead I made it all awkward between us, sorry haha.”

”What? No! Don’t be sorry, I just thought that if you don’t want to share what’s on your mind then I can at least help by distracting you from... whatever it is you’re thinking.”

Scholar’s awkward smile was really cute. Actually, Tyler thought that it was adorable. His negative thoughts were making a race inside his head just a couple of seconds ago and yet, Tyler’s mind cleared up immediately thanks to Scholar’s gentle smile. His heart may or may not have skipped a beat, if not one then at least a couple of them. Surely, Scholar knows how to CPR so he’ll be fine. Probably.

”It’s just, well, it’ll sound lame because I really don’t have to worry about a single thing but... I’ve been feeling down lately. And when I say lately, I mean that as ”a-couple-of-weeks” kind of ”lately.” Which is really stupid, right? I mean, I have food on my plate everyday, I have a roof over my head, I have a family and a quite rich one at that... It just feels like I don’t have the right to be sad and yet I am. Despite all of my fortunate circumstances I still feel miserable. I think I just don’t deserve all of the good that happens to me, and I always get it without having to make any conscious effort. Is that weird? I’m not sure if I’m making any sense with all of my rambling...”

Tyler was too scared to look at Scholar’s face again. He didn’t want to get a look of pity especially since he felt like he didn’t deserve it. But at the same time, in a small corner of his mind he was hoping that he’d at least get a hug or something. However, what came instead is nine people who were hiding behind the trees and bushes. Tyler’s eyes widened.

”Uh. What the?! You guys were...”

Spying on them? No, that’s not right. Tyler had the courage to look back at Scholar and instead of pity, Scholar had a guilty look on his face. Whatever it was, Scholar was in on it too. Tyler didn’t have the time to figure out what was happening, Tegan rushed to his side and hugged him.

”Dude, that’s all BS. Having negative thoughts is nothing to feel shameful about. In what kind of family you were born and raised in doesn’t dictate your feelings, it’s perfectly normal to feel down sometimes. I mean look at me, I have it easy too but I’m practically a walking inferiority complex. You can’t be happy all the time Tyler. And I can guarantee you that we won’t think any less of you because of something so silly.”

Seeing Tegan cheer Tyler up was nothing short of incredible. The guy who was usually hunched back and mumbling became really assertive all of a sudden. Tegan was extremely convincing with his words when he really needed to. Kind of like Karolina, except she was convincing *all* the time.

Seeing the heartwarming scene, Ellie ran and jumped on the both of them, trying to take part in the hug.

”You should’ve told us how you felt right away! We would’ve told you that it’s all BS waaaay sooner than now dummy!”

She turned towards the rest of the squad, they were watching the scene fondly instead of joining in.

”What are you all waiting for?! It’s time for a group hug!”

Scholar happily jumped in on the hug, he actually wanted to take Tyler into his arms from the really beginning. But knowing that the others were already gathered behind the bushes and trees, watching them and waiting for the perfect moment to surprise Tyler, he couldn’t get himself to do it. Ellie’s invitation resulted in all of them burying Tyler... well, almost all of them. Raquel shouted out.

”Hey Karolina! I see you there, rolling your eyes like you don’t care! Get down from your high horse and get your little ass here!!!”

Karolina rolled her eyes for the second time and unenthusiastically joined in thanks to Raquel’s forceful command. After 10 seconds or so, a small voice from the middle of the herd could be heard. It was Tyler.

”Ughh... Guys that’s... enough love. I’m suffocating.”

Everyone stepped away from him while snickering, they carefully watched him getting his breath back and sighing to himself, clearly self-conscious. Then he looked at the bags full of sandwiches and other food.

”I know I shouldn’t feel this way after you guys drowned me with love and validation, but I still feel super embarrassed. I mean, because you heard all of that stuff... Oh and, let me guess: you guys were planning a picnic for my birthday and I ruined the mood. Great.”

Axel fiercely slapped Tyler’s back, making him lose his balance a little.

”Bro. Stop it with the blame game, it’s all good. You didn’t ruin shit, the group hug made this moment even better. We’ll all remember this day.”

Tadashi made a grimace, obviously about to retort something unpleasant back.

”Yeah... though it could’ve been even more memorable if you had taken a shower beforehand. You came back from a tour and you smell like horse shit again.”

Axel’s playful tone turned to ashes, replacing it with annoyance.

”Still better than someone who literally drinks shit to stay awake. And just for your info, it takes a hell lot of energy to be on tour for two weeks straight, alright?”

”Oh, so you didn’t bathe for two weeks? Which means you don’t shower during tours, noted.”

Axel scowled, knowing fully well that Tadashi has taken a liking to picking on him even though he claims that he ”doesn’t hate Axel anymore.” Whatever that means.

”No you ass! Of course I shower during tours! Hell, I shower everyday! It just so happened that I was really tired when I came back yesterday... Come on, I’m sure that I don’t smell *that* bad.”

Raquel’s face went soft and she compassionately looked at Axel.

”Dude. I’m sorry to break it to you but...”

”...Wait, do I... really smell *that* bad?”

”Well no, not *that* bad but let’s just say that if we weren’t friends I wouldn’t like to stand next to you.”

Tadashi laughed loudly to annoy Axel.

”it’s okay, don’t be so embarrassed. I’m fully convinced that your fans would do anything to smell your sweat. I bet they would even pay for it, shall we try to make a stand in front of the school?”

Axel punched Tadashi in the shoulder and while they were quarreling, everyone had already taken a seat on the grass and started eating the sandwiches and drinking. It’s weird, they’re supposed to be plain old sandwiches so why do they taste so good? Everything Claire made always tastes incredible, no matter how simple. She somehow managed to make Karolina eat much more than she usually would. Tegan was happy at the sight of her sister getting healthier both in mind and body.

”Karol, do you want my share too?”

”Don’t be ridiculous. I have enough with this much already.”

Tyler was reminded of her birthday message, no matter how uncomfortable, he felt like it was necessary to bring it up. It just seemed so insincere coming from her, or was she actually *that* awkward?

”Hey Karolina, about your birthday wish... You really didn’t have to force yourself, y’know? No hate or anything but it sounded so fake that I genuinely cringed.”

Karolina choked on her last bite of her sandwich and Tegan’s gaze went back towards his sister.

”...Really? You did that Karol?”

Neha coughed loudly, trying to shift the attention away from her. Axel didn’t let that slide though.

”Oh yeah I saw that. Pretty stupid of you to do it in a comment section instead of sending it to him privately, but I bet that you sent it to him publicly because it made you feel like it was less personal haha. You’re such a clown sometimes.”

Raquel jumped on Karolina and locked her arm around her thin neck. She was awfully happy that Miss Princess was getting called out in front of everybody.

”Awww... don’t be so shy about it Karol. It’s okay, you can just tell us that you’re actually super terrible and awkward when it comes to sentimental stuff.”

Once Karolina had stopped chugging on the water, she fiercely pushed Raquel away and tried to deny everything with her bitchy attitude. Tyler was still dumbfounded at the fact that apparently, no one else besides him and Axel knew anything about the birthday message, which means...

”Tegan, you weren’t the one who asked her to write it?”

”No dude. This morning when we warned her about the birthday party we were planning she acted like she didn’t even know that your birthday was last month. So I just assumed that she hadn’t congratulated you.”

Tyler was amazed at how much a genuine message coming from Karolina could sound so fake. He took out his phone and read it again. ”You actually make some pretty good stuff, happy birthday *birthday cake emoji* *gift emoji*” Now, knowing that it was at least semi-genuine, the message actually sounded pretty cute... in a really awkward and cringy way but still cute. Tyler slightly grinned, lost in his thoughts. He didn’t notice that Scholar was bent over his phone, trying to sneak a peek. A small sound escaped Tyler’s mouth as he backed away, startled. Scholar immediately looked apologetic.

”Oh, sorry! I was just really curious: what were you looking at? You were smiling so I wanted to see what it could be.”

Tyler’s heart was thumping against his rib cage without rest. This was definitely not a good sign. His heart was beating as if he had just ran a marathon. He tried his best to calm down but it was pretty difficult to do that under Scholar’s cute and innocent eyes carefully looking at him. As if he hadn’t just caused a severe gay panic.

”Uhh. Nothing in particular! Just... a funny Tweet like usual..."

At the sight of this incredibly dorky scene, Ellie’s bro instinct kicked in and like the genius she is, she got an idea.

”Oh! Guyyyys... Don’t you think that we’re all a little too far apart? Why don’t we come a little bit closer, to tighten the circle and hear eachother better, y’know?”

Everyone listened to Ellie’s request, some understanding exactly why she was asking for this and some... having no idea that this wasn’t actually the real reason. All the while Tyler was just freaking out over the fact that his shoulder was against Scholar’s. Oh boy, this was not going to be a peaceful picnic...

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Wow guys look! I did it! Only about 3 weeks late hahaha... And now I have to write Tadashi’s 😂 You know what? I think I might change the formula and make it a Tadaxel fanfic just for the sake of shaking things up a bit. And there’s lots of other ships that could be cute! (While less popular) I was thinking of ClaireXNeha (cinnamon rollXcinnamon roll), TeganXEllie (tallXsmol), TadashiXAlistair (the #from friends to lovers tag on AO3 basically) I’m not sure though, I noticed that people in the SE fandom aren’t really into ships? Well, in a way that’s a good thing. God do I not like the thought of ship wars ever happening in SE...

#sweet elite #se #tyler williams #birthday #fanfics #fanfiction #dude this fic is so neudldnfjidznfn #bad #don’t judge ok #I started it in august thinking that I would finish it on time haha

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