#and now that we've found it I think it'll be easier to find in the future

[oliversrarebooks]

Rayan is from @sowhumpshaped's story Stray. I can't resist a sad wet cat man who thinks he knows best. This is set in the timeline where Rayan gets caught and tested to be a pet.

tw: dehumanization, conditioning, drugging, memory loss, facility/institution

"Did you -- did you actually say --" 

"That your results show that you're a pet, yes," the nurse affirmed with a big, cheerful smile. "You're very lucky we caught you for this silly little mistake before things ended up worse."

Rayan's heart dropped into his shoes. "Are you sure?" he blurted out before thinking. "I know the test is accurate, but -- there's never any mistakes? There have to be mistakes sometimes, right?"

The expression on her face was friendly but firm. "No, there are no mistakes. You know that."

"I know that..." He stared numbly at his hands. The test was accurate, of course. Everyone knew that. If it weren't, they'd have to worry about accidentally treating people as pets, which would be horrible. 

The test was accurate. Everyone knew that.

He felt sick.

"It's all right, poor dear. I know this must be a shock," she said. "You must have been struggling so much, weren't you?"

He didn't answer, still trying to process it all. A pet...

"Haven't you ever wondered if you might be a pet? When you see happy pets in the park, didn't you feel a longing inside?"

"I -- I did, but I thought that was because I wanted a pet for myself -- "

"That feeling was because a part of you deep down knew where you belonged," she said. "And now we've found you, and everything will be okay, you'll see. You won't have to struggle like that any more. You won't need to worry about big, scary people concerns like jobs and money and education. You'll be so much happier."

Rayan swallowed the lump in his throat. He had, secretly, sometimes felt that life would be easier as a pet, with no worries beyond pleasing his owner. He'd never vocalized these thoughts, worried that someone would think he was a strange deviant, like those people who pretended to be pets --

But if he was a pet all along, those thoughts would be normal, wouldn't they?

"What's going to happen to me now?"

"Well, dear, you've been trying so hard to be a person for so many years that you've picked up a lot of bad habits," she said. "That's not your fault, of course, you can't be blamed for trying your best. But now we have to train you out of all those nasty bad habits, do you see? It's not healthy for a pet to think it's a person."

That was exactly what he'd told 13, wasn't it? And he was just the same. No wonder he'd been so sympathetic.

He was bunching the hospital gown with both hands. "Will the training be hard?"

"For a sweet pet like you? No, I don't think it will be. I think you'll find the training to be very easy, much easier than pretending to be a person. It's going to be a big weight lifted from you. You'll see."

"And -- my memories --"

The nurse sighed. "That's an important part of the process, as I'm sure you know. Happy pets can't have those awful, distressing memories of trying to be a person. This is what's best for you."

It was what was best for pets, he knew that. So it must be what's best for him. But still, he didn't want to...

"It will be painless," she said reassuringly. "We're just going to give you some nice medicine for pets with bad habits and scary memories. It'll make you feel a little funny and sleepy, and in just a few days, you'll start to feel so much better."

He nodded, still feeling miserable inside. It felt like this should be happening to someone else, that it was a dream. That he'd wake up in his own apartment any minute now.

"Come with me, now. We have a treatment room all ready just for you. You won't have to worry about a single thing."

Rayan didn't argue or struggle as she gently ushered him forward and out of the room. His hands felt cold and his legs felt shaky. 

It was for the best, he reassured himself. If the test said he was a pet, he must be a pet. And if he was a pet, the treatment would make him feel better. The only reason he felt so bad was because he hadn't gotten the proper treatments for a pet. He'd always worried something had been wrong with him, and now he knew what the problem was, and was going to get it fixed.

He was going to be trained. He wouldn't have to worry about holding down a job or disappointing his parents any more than he already had by turning out to be a pet. He'd make some owner very happy.

...He was going to forget his family, his friends, the shelter, everything that made him happy...

It was for the best. It had to be. If it wasn't, if the test could be wrong, if the treatments weren't appropriate, then the whole pet system was monstrous. All of his friends at the shelter and all of the pet owners he knew weren't monsters. They were kind people, and they loved their pets and knew what was best for them.

What was best for him.

He'd feel a lot better about it all when he was treated.

The nurse guided him into an elevator, and they went down to a basement level, exiting out into a brightly lit corridor filled with doctors and nurses bustling about, but no pets that he could see. They walked down a hall and turned left, Rayan fighting his anxiety every step of the way, until the nurse pushed open a door and beckoned him inside.

It was a bit like a hospital room, with three walls in stark white and the fourth painted with a childish mural of a blue sky. The medical bed was lower to the ground than normal, and there was a low counter with a sink in it. There was a metal pet bowl and metal water bottle on the counter, a leash tacked onto the wall, and a crate of brightly colored toys in the corner.

"Here we are!" the nurse chirped. "Now you can just get comfortable and your new handler will be in shortly."

"...Okay." Rayan awkwardly situated himself on the bed and watched the nurse leave, and he was left alone with his own conflicted thoughts.

He couldn't help but wonder what they'd tell his parents. Would they be disappointed? Angry? Would they miss him? He hoped they would understand. Would his friends at the shelter find out? Did they ever suspect? Would they notice when he didn't turn up to --

The door opened, and a young person with hair cropped short and a white coat walked in. They were carrying a small paper cup in one hand and a basket containing a blanket and a few other things. "Hello there. I'm Kay, and I'll be your handler for your treatment," they said with a smile, setting down her things on the table. "Oh, you poor thing. You just found out that you're a pet, I've been told. You must be so scared and confused."

Rayan could only nod, embarrassment creeping up his cheeks. A handler for new pets, the sort of job he had been hoping for.

"You have nothing to worry about. I can already tell that you're going to be such a good boy." They reached out their hand to pet Rayan's hair, and he didn't shy away from it. The gentle touch as they ruffled his hair felt... nice. Comforting. He was leaning into it before he could stop himself.

"Oh, do you like that?" Kay cooed. "Aww, such a good boy, yes you are."

The embarrassment in his face grew more intense as he accepted the petting. He did like it, and that meant... that meant he really must be a pet, didn't it? A person wouldn't enjoy being patted and soothed like this. Anyone would consider that deviant behavior for a person, but it was expected behavior for a pet. Desired, even. 

So it was true, wasn't it? His struggle to hold down a job, to live independently, to accomplish the things everyone else seemed to do with so little effort, it was all because he was a pet. This was really happening. His eyes grew watery and a tear slid down his cheek.

"Oh dear, oh dear. It's okay," said Kay, producing a tissue from their pocket and wiping at Rayan's eyes. "It's okay to be sad. We'll get you all fixed up."

"May I ask a question, please?" 

"Yes, dear."

"What are they going to tell my family?"

"Our staff is already preparing to deliver the message. They're trained in supporting families during this difficult time. They'll be in good hands, I promise. You won't need to worry about them."

"...All right." That was the best he could hope for, wasn't it?

"Here, let's get you your medication." Kay handed him the paper cup, which was three-quarters full of a thick red liquid that smelled like artificial cherries. "You'll need medication three times a day at the beginning of your treatment, and then we'll taper it off to a lower dose."

Rayan couldn't help but hesitate before drinking it. This must be the medicine that all pets took, the one that would erase his memories, his ability to read and write, all the things he learned as an adult. As a person.

But if he wasn't a person, then he shouldn't have those memories in the first place. The medicine would fix him, wouldn't it?

"Go on, drink it up. You need your medicine, dear."

He closed his eyes and drank. It was cloyingly sweet with a sickly aftertaste. 

"Very good!" Kay reached into the basket and pulled out a flimsy plastic collar with a printed label on it. "This is your temporary collar until you get a real one. You're number 25."

"Twenty-five..." he repeated in a daze. That's right. He wouldn't be "Rayan" any more, not ever again.

"You'll get a much better name when you're adopted," they said, clipping the collar around his neck. It felt cold as he ran his fingers along it. They pulled out a metallic cuff that locked around his wrist. "And this is so we don't lose you, dear."

"...Okay."

"There are only a few rules in the facility. You must not leave this room without permission. You must follow all of the instructions the handlers give you. You must not harm any handlers or any of the other pets. There will be punishments if you fail to follow the rules -- they're for your own good, and the good of the staff and the pets, of course."

"Right." 

They showed Rayan -- no, he was 25 now, wasn't he? -- a remote with one big round button on it. "If you need help, just press this button! But don't abuse it, or we'll have to take it away, do you understand?"

He nodded. "Uh -- uh-huh." It was getting hard to focus on what Kay was saying, even though he knew it was important. 

"Tomorrow we'll be giving you a medical evaluation and start the first steps of your treatment. You'll be -- and then we'll --"

25 rubbed at his eyes. His head felt foggy, and everything seemed so far away.

"Oh, dear." Kay's voice echoed through his mind. "That must be the medicine kicking in. Why don't you settle in for a nice nap, then? We can talk about these things in the morning."

He nodded. That sounded perfect.

"Just lay down on the bed and we'll get you all tucked in."

As 25 curled up onto the bed, Kay spread the warm and weighty blanket over him. patting his head again. "Good night, dear. Sleep well, and have pleasant dreams." They turned off the light and shut the door behind them with a click.

25 stared out into the darkness. So much had happened since he'd found 13. While he'd sometimes imagined what it would be like to be a pet, thoughts he never shared with anyone, he never seriously thought he'd be here in a facility. And now he'd never see his parents or his own apartment ever again. Despite how drowsy he was, there was no way he was getting to sleep, not with the anxious knot in his stomach.

But after a few minutes, he felt the anxiety start to dissolve away, leaving a sensation of dull calm. It must be the medicine, he figured, as his eyelids began to droop and his thoughts scatter.

He was feeling better already, just like they'd said. They really did know what was best for him.

#pet whump #whump #whump writing #dehumanization #drugging #stray #rayan

[duchessofostergotlands]

To be honest I haven't liked the things Catherine has been saying about mental health lately. First that talking therapy doesn't help everyone, now this. For a royal to say a short sentence or two about mental health... it can easily come across the wrong way & doesn't show nuance. Yes, talking therapy doesn't help everyone, but her saying this could discourage people from trying it out. Not everyone who feels anxious has a medical condition and needs medication, but some of us do!

Let's look at what she said (and buckle up, it's a long one):

Quote number 1: At an art therapy charity. Someone said writing music had been an easier way to get their feelings out than talking in a clinical space. Kate responded: "Talking therapies don’t work for some people, they’re not for everybody. It’s so important to have a range of therapies." She then followed it up by talking about how many people won't respond to talking therapies because of their own preconceptions about clinical spaces and so it's important to let those people know that there are safe alternative spaces like this charity where they can come for help in a way that works for them.

Unless you're asserting talking therapy does work for everyone and alternative therapies shouldn't be offered, I can't see what the issue is. It's 100% truthful. An analysis by the Child Outcomes Research Consortium found that only a third of children had recovered (i.e. they were no longer above the clinical threshold) by the end of therapy. About 40% responded they'd experienced no change at all. For adults it's slightly better but NHS Digital report only 50% of adults who access therapy have recovered by the time it's over. That's before we even get into the fact that talking therapies were built by and for predominantly white westerners and so large chunks of the population find them completely unhelpful, even actively damaging. There's an article here on that. So it's accurate to state that they don't work for everyone - for a variety of reasons - and alternatives need to be accessible for those who have reason to not trust professional services, or who had therapy and haven't recovered. In fact, this is a big problem in therapy because people often go into it thinking it'll fix things and then ending treatment without being "cured" is extremely difficult for them. And that issue is caused by precisely this unwillingness from the public and some professionals to be honest and acknowledge that talking therapies won't work for everyone.

Quote number 2: I can't find the full quote but essentially she said that normal anxieties should not be over-medicalised.

I wrote a whole thing about this, read that. I'm going to illustrate with an example from Drag Race. A few years ago there was a contestant who wasn't popular, I can't really remember why, but in their sob story episode they opened up about their clinical depression. And the reaction all over social media was "who cares? Everyone has depression!" But the thing is... they don't. In the US, where it was filmed, 2/3 of people don't have depression in their lifetime. We have created an environment where instead of normalising mental illness so those who have it feel accepted, we've overcorrected. And now it's cool and trendy to make stress into Anxiety Disorder, to making lying into gaslighting, to make your dick of an ex boyfriend's behaviour a Personality Disorder. All of which means that people who genuinely do have mental illnesses are taken less seriously and for conditions like mine (I have BPD) stigma is worse than it's been at any point since I was diagnosed 8 ish years ago. And that's not to mention medications for mental illnesses can be heavy duty. She was at an event for children and it's perfectly reasonable to question whether a doctor giving a child meds after a five minute appointment because the child said they were anxious is a sensible and healthy choice. It's there in the name - over medicalising. It's like any medical procedure. No one is saying you shouldn't cut someone's arm off if they have a serious infection and it's needed. But you shouldn't cut their arm off just because they got a paper cut. PS something slightly outside the scope of this because Kate can't be partisan but we talk about this a lot at work, the link between over-medicalising and poverty. A good article on that here.

I understand what you're saying about the fact that sometimes quotes are clipped out of context and royals need to think about what the headline will be but even taken out of context, all of her statements are accurate. And actually in my view it's the first time I've ever seen her be nuanced! I've always found her mental health work patchy because I feel like she unintentionally contributed to a lot of the issues I've outlined above but she's finally talking about things that are not talked about as much, even amongst professionals. I get your perspective because I was there a few years ago. When someone first mentioned the concept of over-medicalising to me I thought it was denying mental illness is real etc. But then I realised that knee jerk reaction was coming from my insecurities about my illness and my past experiences of struggling to get care, it wasn't actually about the concept itself.

#ask #anon #kate middleton #british royal family #mental health #mental illness #again having bpd is a really helpful diagnosis for this #because there's a huge movement within the bpd community to remove the diagnosis entirely #i don't completely agree but there are lots of people who believe that bpd is largely diagnosed amongst women who have experienced trauma #and so it's medicalising a normal human response to something traumatic

[turtlesandfrogs]

I just saw a post on life pro tips asking how to wake up when you want to instead of sleeping through the alarm or hitting snooze a bunch of times, and was seriously unimpressed by the answers, so in addition to posting there, I'm going to post here.

For reference, I've had to change my sleep schedule several times in my life because of things like milking the cow when I was a kid or being a teacher, though most of these "tips" I learned in the process of helping my spouse who is insomniac to the point that there's no recognizable circadian rhythm. We also both have ADHD, so yeah, definitely understand why this is so hard to do, but it makes such a huge difference. And, as always, what works for me might not work for you, these are just what we've found helpful.

1. Read up on circadian rhythms, because that's what 90% of this is about. Our society really messes with circadian rhythms and makes getting good sleep stupid hard.

2. Figure out when you want to wake up. Figure out how long you think you need to sleep. Add an hour, and subtract from your wake time. So say you need to be up at 5:45. And you think you need 8 hours. So give it 9 hours. Well, congrats, you now get a bed time of 8:45. (Is possible that you don't need this much, so if you find yourself waking up before you need to, congratulations! You can stay up later. Woo!)

3. Go to bed, and get up, at the same. time. every. day. This sucks but makes getting up when you have to do so much easier.

4. Now for the hard part (ha). Stop eating a few hours before your bed time (ideally). No midnight snacking, eat enough during the day so you're not hungry. Stop looking at your phone or other electronics an hour before bedtime. Don't do vigorous exercise in the evening. Drink a cup of two of water (with non-caloric* electrolytes if you have trouble waking up in the middle of the night because you have to pee) before bed.

5. Eat asap, at least a little, when you wake up. Even just a bite will get your circadian rhythm going. I know some people have a hard time in the morning, but if you're consistent, it'll get easier.

6. These two cost money, but are worth it if you have to wake up before the sun or if you struggle: get a dawn simulator alarm clock (life-fucking-changing when I was a teacher and had to get up way before dawn) and one of those lamps for seasonal affective disorder. Use the S.A.D. lamp early in the morning to, again, convince your circadian rhythm that you should be awake.

7. Get some movement in daily if possible. Like, a walk. Dancing in the kitchen. Whatever physical activity you can do healthfully.

8. During the day, practice getting out of bed when you hear the alarm. Like, literally, get in bed, set your alarm to go off in life 3 minutes, act asleep, and then get up when the alarm goes off. Train yourself like a dog. I know it sounds goofy, but my spouse says it helps. I didn't come up with this one, btw. Don't blame me.

9. If you have allergies that effect your breathing, consider running an airfilter at night. Helps me snore less and helps him not hear it as much :p

10. Make sure your room is dark, cool, and quiet.

11. If you do all this and still struggle... see a doctor if you can. Sorry.

*non-caloric because of your circadian rhythm, not because of diet culture. I use a bit of salt, because it does the job and it's cheap.

#sleep #insomnia #tips #sleep tips #hope this helps someone

[writingamongther0ses]

Ax Gleam

Dorothy is the one to realize that she has the parts her companions need.

She is a lonely girl in a new world, frightening even among all the wonder and color. A witch is hunting her for the silver slippers she earned from an accident she didn't mean it. Glinda is no help, just telling her to follow the yellow brick road to the Emerald City with no explanation of what she should do if she runs into danger. At least that command leads her to the Scarecrow, the Tin Man, and the Cowardly Lion. Joy fills her with each new companion. (She doesn't tell her new friends about the witch.)

The Scarecrow is loyal and so, so smart- imagine what he would do with an actual brain? The Tin Man is kind and for something that claims to be heartless, an actual heart would have to be bigger than normal for him. The Lion is passionate and brave when it matters, now he needs actual courage to back it up.

When they take a break for the night before reaching Emerald City, the Tin Man builds a fire. Dorothy sits in the Scarecrow's lap, serving as a shield from the deadly flames. The firelight catches the ax as Tin chops up wood, making the head gleam silver. Dorothy stares at it. (She's not sure why.)

It's when her pursuer is revealed and the task to kill the Witch of the West is set, when Scarecrow kneels in front of her and promises he's with her no matter what, Dorothy remembers the ax. (And how sharp it was.)

She waits until they stop for the night. Lion has taken Toto with him while he hunts for himself. The Scarecrow went with them to find some more firewood and, knowing him, some more food that isn't what Dorothy just has in her basket. Like before, the Tin Man is chopping wood for fire until he notices her stare. "Is everything alright, Dorothy?"

"I...um. Tin Man?" She taps her fingers and tries to put the suggestion to words. "I was just thinking...what if we didn't have to kill the Wicked Witch of the West?"

If he still could, he would clearly raise a brow. "What do you mean?" Dorothy, staring at the ax, reaches up. She traces her brow, on the skin stretched over her brain, before moving to her chest, feeling her heartbeat. The Tin Man stares at her before her silent message sinks in. "Wha- no. Absolutely not."

"It'll be easier."

"Dorothy Gale, you are fourteen years old. You have an entire life- you need to go home."

"This is a death mission." She snaps, lifting up a silver slipper covered foot as proof. "The Witch is going to keep trying to hurt you guys-"

"Dorothy-"

"-until I'm dead. And I'm not even sure-"

"Stop."

"She'll even stop at that-"

Hands clamp down on her shoulders.

"ENOUGH!"

Dorothy's teeth audibly click when she shuts her mouth. The Tin Man stares her down, eyes so, so sad. (That's she's gotten to this point.) "We are going to figure it out." he says. His grip on her loosens, instead turning into a soft rub to help with any bruises. "We always do. We always find a way. We've done it before." She can't even protest at that.

Because they have. All the way here, they've found ways.

Silently, she nods.

Satisfied, the Tin Man sits down next to her.

"...don't tell 'Crow?"

He stares at her. "Alright."

The trio returns soon after that. Lion boasts about how he fought off a huge vulture, Tin Man argues that claim and Scarecrow is rolling his eyes as he and Dorothy arrange themselves. "It was a butterfly and he hid behind me." he whispers in her ear. She giggles.

She ignores the gleam of the ax.

#this is a redone version of an older story #my writing #The Wizard of Oz #fiction #fantasy #Dorothy Gale #The Tin Man #cw: suggestion mutilation #cw: suggested child death

[mcflymemes]

PROMPTS FROM THE BOURNE TRILOGY *  assorted dialogue from identity, supremacy, and ultimatum

who has a safety deposit box full of money and six passports and a gun?

nobody does the right thing.

you haven't slept for a long time.

why don't you sit down.

perhaps we can arrange a meet.

we've been through this.

you really don't remember, do you?

that sounds ominous. let me check my schedule.

what were my words? what did i say?

you move, you die.

thanks for the ride.

welcome to the program.

nothing in those files makes their sacrifice worthwhile.

i don't want to do this anymore.

they found a body.

i'm sitting in my office.

my argument is not with you.

we got a bump coming up.

what happened?

look, what's going on? why are these people after me?

i hear you're still looking for me.

everything i found out, i wanna forget.

i told you to come alone.

someone started all this, and i'm going to find them.

why would you doubt that?

who's your source?

tell me who i am.

i want to know what's going on.

i was hoping you had some time for me.

if there's something you're not telling me, i want it now.

i don't think that's a decision you can make.

you're u.s. government property.

i said leave me alone.

do you have any idea who you're dealing with?

what basis are you continuing this operation on?

i told them i believed you.

why are you helping me?

have you locked down the area?

you don't know the circumstances.

i wanted to thank you.

we got what we needed.

please don't hurt me.

we clear on that?

you start down this path, where does it end?

i can run flat out for a half mile before my hands start shaking.

i see the exit sign, too.

i remember. i remember everything.

backup will be arriving in approximately one hour.

did something go wrong?

what is this, a joke? some kind of scam?

you're the only person i know.

do you have ID?

if we stay here, we die.

i know how you're feeling.

off the record. you know how it is.

no more red tape.

i don't suppose it would do me much good to cry for help?

i send you because you don't exist.

you know i can't tell you that.

we're professionals. when an operation goes bad, we tie it off.

where are you gonna go?

you just asked for it?

this is where it started for me. this is where it ends.

everything you need is in there.

actually, i don't think they give a shit.

get some rest. you look tired.

these people will kill you if they have to.

good thinking.

so now you're going to kill me?

do you copy?

all right, we have to move.

you would probably just forget about me if i stayed here.

you can come up.

why don't you come in with me?

do you even know why you're supposed to kill me?

now why would i know that?

i'm sorry to hear that.

why didn't you take the shot?

it was a kill squad.

you know how real the danger is.

we can do that any time we want.

i come in here, and the first thing i'm doing is i'm catching the sightlines and looking for an exit.

how did that happen?

do something about it.

i send you to be invisible.

you're in a big puddle of shit, and you don't have the shoes for it.

i'm not worried.

who am i?

you couldn't make this stuff up.

you're a total goddamned catastrophe.

i can go check it out.

i'm not sorry.

i mean, you were shot.

i don't send you to kill.

how could i forget about you?

this isn't what i signed up for.

you talk about this stuff like you read it in a book.

i'm on my own side now.

i have the files.

it's not a mistake.

i'm just trying to do the right thing.

what are you after?

why did you pick me?

they knew you were there.

what the hell are you talking about?

we don't have a choice.

it gets easier.

it'll be better if we do this together.

they'll kill you for giving me this.

by god, if it kills me, you're going to tell me how this happened.

look at this. look at what they make you give.

people do all kinds of weird and amazing stuff when they're scared.

#rp starters #rp memes #rp prompt #rp meme #rp musings #roleplay memes #roleplay prompt #roleplay meme #writing prompt #rp prompts #askbox meme #ask memes #rp asks #ask meme #inbox prompts #inbox prompt #rp inbox meme #sentence starter #sentence starter prompt #sentence starters #mcflymemes #can you tell this is my favorite movie franchise #movies #spy prompts

[thessalian]

Astrid vs Grymforge

In the midst of old ruins

Astarion: So now we're doing more favours for mushrooms. We steal a boat, get stopped by cultists, and the next thing you know, we're in here apparently trying to save the person whose head we need to bring back to King Mushroom. This is ridiculous.

Astrid: It's the life of an adventurer, Astarion. You know how all the bard tales go.

Astarion: Yes, but a good bard glosses over the stupid parts. ...No offense intended.

Astrid: Look, we're in the remnants of a Sharran temple, so Shadowheart's happy. We're just a little ways away from getting to Moonrise Towers, so we should all be happy. And we're tracking down that forge I read about, so I'm happy.

Astarion: When do I get to be happy?

Astrid: When you get to drain a drow and maybe get whatever gifts the parasite he's got in his head left?

Astarion: You are dangerous, aren't you. Very well.

Astrid: Good. Now, I hear these guys talking about not being very happy with this Nele's leadership so I'm going to go talk him into some help, okay?

Astarion: We couldn't just ... slaughter everyone in the place and move on to the elevator?

Astrid: Objectively ... no.

Astarion: Damn.

Awhile later, being trailed by another scrying eye

Gale: I honestly wish I had a command word to blind these things. Where are we going to find a quiet, unobserved space to get rid of it?

Astrid: I know just the place! *points at duergar throwing bodies into the river*

Gale; Astarion: Oh, ew.

Shadowheart: How are you two that repulsed by dead bodies after all we've been through?

Gale: There is a threshhold, Shadowheart.

Astrid: Okay, I talked them into letting us dump the bodies for them and I found you a shiny, Astarion. It'll make you invisible which should really help your stealth. Not that you really need it, but hey. Anyway, do the honours?

Astarion: I really wish it was easier to just dislike you.

A whoooooole bunch of stabbing later

Astrid: Okay, so Nele's gone, the duergar are clearing out--

Astarion: I don't believe you made them give up their slaves and didn't even keep any.

Astrid: Astarion, what would we do with slaves at this point?

Astarion: Turn them into cannon fodder? Give me a nice little buffet?

Astrid: .........Aaaaaaaaaanyway, now we need this guy's head. Um. Nuts.

Astarion: What is it now?

Gale: I don't think she's physically strong enough to hack off someone's head. Um ... if you'll lend me a blade, I could--

Shadowheart: She wouldn't force anyone else to do it. Astrid. Here. *tosses a Potion of Hill Giant Strength to her*

Astrid: You know, it's nice and all that we have them, but I know what goes in these things. Oh well. *chugs* UGH. Do you think crushed mint would make it stop working?

Gale: You'd probably have to experiment. Though it could be dangerous depending on what changes the extra ingredients make.

Astarion: Another reason to have kept the slaves, perhaps.

Astrid: Face. Shut.

After a whooooooole lot of fiddling and hopping around; at the Adamantine Forge

Shadowheart: Why are we doing this, again?

Astrid: You're basically our front-liner at this point. I want some better armour and a better mace for you. So I'm going to use this spiffy forge to craft them.

Shadowheart: ...Aw...

Astrid: Now, I think all this is going to fill with lava so maybe stand on these platforms. Okay? Okay! PULL THE LEVER, ASTARION!

Astarion: I will turn this winch, if that's what you mean.

Winch: *is turned*

Grym: *exits*

Astrid: Ooooooooooh so that's what they meant by the guardian.

Gale: That thing is massive! How are we going to even hurt it?!?

Astrid: It's okay! I've got this! Remember how I handled those automatons?

Astarion: *dodging giant mace* This thing is not in the mood for a poem, Astrid!

Astrid: No, no, I meant the more recent automatons, from when we came down here. Ahem. *dead-on imitation of Gale* IGNIS!

Grym: *becomes Superheated*

Gale: ...wut.

Astrid: Heat Metal. I needed a verbal component for a fire-related spell; who did you think I was going to borrow? Now let's lure him onto that place where the hammer strikes and turn him into a pancake!

Astarion: What?!? ...Oh. Ooooooh. *runs for the Forge Lever*

Astrid: *pulls lute; to the tune of Hammer to Fall, obviously* Hey there, Grym ; just hear my call / Don't bother with my friends at all / You've held this place a thousand years / But we've just brought it down around your ears...

Gale: So ... wait, I'm not supposed to hit it? I don't really want it to hit her!

Shadowheart: None of us do!

Astarion: Neither of you do; honestly, better her than me.

Grym: *stomps towards Astrid and stops on Forge platform*

Astrid: *still singing* Sorry, Grym, you poor dead slob / We're gonna hit you like a crumbling wall / Just came out to do your job / But now it's time for the hammer to faaaaaall!

Astarion: *hauls on the Forge Lever*

Hammer: *falls*

Grym: *is a pancake*

Astrid: Nicely timed! And look, Shadowheart; your mace is ready!

Astarion: The cinnamon roll is a continuous pain in my backside most of the time ... but I have to admit, she has style.

#Astrid the Bard #Thess liveblogs Baldur's Gate 3 #baldur's gate 3 spoilers

[annaphoenix1994]

Ch.52 - All I See Is You

Previous Chapter - Masterlist - Next Chapter

Kiera meets with Laswell to inform her of her decision to resign as a Case Officer; Eva, Kiera's mother, tags along while Simon shops for the perfect ring; Simon grows to enjoy spending quality time with his future mother-in-law.

"So, how's everything been, Kiera?" Laswell asked as the women sat at a local cafe, catching up on topics other than work. 

She sighed, taking a sip of the glass of water the server brought her, finding the sound of anything else to drink to be nauseating to her as she found herself occasionally taking a bite of her sandwich. "They've been good. Much better since that shit with Shepherd has been dealt with." 

"I agree. With the water settling now, it'll be easier to focus," Laswell nodded. "I think we've earned ourselves a break for a while." 

"Well, speaking of breaks, I was going to talk to you about something," Kiera sighed, finding it rather difficult to tell Laswell, of all people, that she was pregnant and wanting to resign. "Nobody expected this, especially me, but I've been putting a lot of thought behind it..." 

"You're scaring me." Laswell narrowed her eyes, setting aside her drink. 

"As much as I've enjoyed my job, I think it's time I resign. Given everything that's happened, I don't want to risk putting my family in the middle of it again." 

"None of that was your fault-"

"Partially, yeah," Kiera scoffed. "I keep blaming myself. I can't get Fernando's screams out of my head since we found him. I'm not going to put anyone through it again." She explained, frowning and breaking contact with Laswell. 

"Is there something else bothering you?" 

She nodded hesitantly. 

"How far along are you?" 

"H-How did you know?"

"You know as well as I do that the C.I.A burns body language into your brain," Laswell chuckled. "I'm a mother myself. I know that certain glow." 

"I didn't know you had any kids?" 

"I never told anybody because I feared the same thing that you did. I respect your decision, Kiera. I just hate I'm losing one of the best Case Officers that ever stepped foot in our office, but it's not the time to be selfish. Are you nervous?" 

"Very," She breathed. "Simon is beyond excited by how he's been acting. I was afraid he wasn't going to take it well." 

"I can understand that. He's always been hard to read, but he always got straight to the point." 

"That he does." 

"He mentioned flying to London for a military ball, right? When is that coming up?" 

"He said it's on the twentieth of next month. He mentioned flying out on the tenth to spend a few days there before coming home. He wants to take me to his hometown." 

"That'll be nice," Laswell assured her with a smile. "Have you gotten a dress?" 

"I had one picked out, but I don't think I'll fit in it now!" 

"You never did tell me how far along you were," She snickered. "You won't grow twice your size every week." 

"I'm roughly seven weeks, coming up on eight. I go back for another ultrasound the week before we leave for London. Hopefully, she can tell us the gender, but I'm not sure if I want to know." 

"Afraid you'll be disappointed?" Laswell teased. 

"No, I think it would be more special for it to be a surprise. Although Simon wants a boy and I want a girl. I guess a part of my anxious mind wants to keep it a secret until the baby is here so that I can be with Simon as much as possible because I'm afraid he'll leave me if it's a girl." She scoffed, knowing better than to think of Simon that way, her previous relationship being a constant dark reminder of how some men were:

*

"I can't have more kids. If you're pregnant, I'm signing my rights over. I don't want nothing to do with it."

"You're mad that I might be pregnant, but yet didn't do anything to prevent it from happening? You know condoms are a thing, right?" 

"Not my job to worry about not getting pregnant. Birth control is a thing too." 

"Yeah, and so is keeping my legs closed," Kiera scoffed. "Oh, but you're always insisting on having sex whenever you feel like it. Condoms don't have the shitty side effects like birth control does. Weight gain, acne, bloating, cramps, everything, Joe. Doesn't hurt wear one." 

"No, you gained weight because you're always eating. Eating too much leads to acne. Cramps are from your period." 

"What's your excuse, then?" Kiera scoffed, arching her brow and nodding her head towards his gut. 

He pursed his lips, "You talk like that to me again, and I'll make sure you're not pregnant." 

"You wouldn't dare." 

"Try me. I'm serious. If you're pregnant I'm out. I'm not going through this again. I already have three." 

"Those poor souls," She scoffed. "But yet when your ex said she might be pregnant you didn't seem too sad about that, huh? You must think I'm stupid if you think I didn't hear you talking to her on the phone when you said you thought you were excited to hear about her being pregnant. Goes to show me that I was just a side piece to you when you did nothing but tell me what I want to hear because you were bored with her and got with someone else." 

"You're full of shit, Kiera. Go take a test. Now." 

"No. You want me to take one so bad, go get one." 

"Oh, so you're not worried about having a kid?" 

"I've always wanted one. If I am, I'm having this baby with or without you - preferably without you because you're acting like a piece of shit. I don't want my baby near that." 

"Fine, I'll go get a test. If it comes back positive, you either get out of my life or I'll go get a hanger." 

Kiera's anger peaked, not hesitating to slap him across his cheek, knowing that he could easily overpower her. "You do that again and my next hit will be to that stomach." 

She hit him again, knowing that he wouldn't do such a thing as her fighting skills have peaked since before they started seeing each other, her other hand balled and ready to fight after she taunted him. "You do that, and I'll kill you," She hissed. "Just fucking leave. You won't change, but I will. I'm not putting myself through this shit." 

"Good luck finding someone better." 

"Fuck, I can go across the street and find someone better. Anyone is better than you. Threatening to kill a life possibly inside of me? That's not a man, you're just an overgrown teenager."

"Is that really what you think of me?" 

"Oh, no, what I think of you is way worse than what I've said, but I figured I'd refrain from hurting your ego." 

He scoffed, stepping closer to her, using his height in a pathetic attempt to intimidate her, "Try me." 

"Now that you mention it, I will gladly begin," She scoffed sarcastically. "First of all, you can't expect to not brush your teeth and your breath smell good. And no, cigarettes won't mask it. Two, you can't say you give good head when, in fact, you don't-"

"You weren't saying that weeks ago." 

"Just like I also didn't say I had to finish myself off because you didn't last long. Don't get too hurt yet, I'm not done," She scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest. "Three, you can't walk around like you're ten foot tall and bulletproof when you're just as tall as me."

"Yeah, you're just as tall as me and just as fat." He retorted, aiming to hurt her composure as he knew her weight was something that she always frowned upon. 

What he didn't expect, though, was an immediate ego check. 

"Yeah? Well let me tell you something. I can control my weight. Until you can control your  receding hairline, height, and dick size, then you can have a say in how you think I'm supposed to look. Considering you can't change those things about yourself, I suggest you shut the fuck up."

His anger peaked, pursing his lips and attempting to grab her throat only to find her shin pinning against his groin in a swift kick, making him drop to his knees to clutch himself. He didn't know much, nor care, about Kiera's career, unaware that she was elite in hand-to -hand combat and having fought off several men on her last deployment. 

She swore to keep her "military mode" on base, but in her situation, she couldn't help herself not to. He winced, hearing her scoff, "Didn't figure I'd get a reaction out of you with that little tic-tac between your legs," She began to interrogate. "When you can make yourself get up, I suggest that you quickly leave my house before I make you." 

"Yeah? You couldn't even lift me-"

"There's more than one way to skin a cat, Joe. I'll either make you leave, or call someone to come and get you." She warned. He nodded, catching his breath before using the counter to help him stand to his feet and pull his keys out of his pocket. "I suggest you don't come back. This is over." 

"Saved me from saying it. I pity the man who thinks he wants you." 

"I do, too, but I know the red flags to look out for, so I doubt it'll ever happen again." 

*

Kiera recalled the event like it was yesterday, immediately frowning as the altercation was emotionally tragic, especially gnawing at her with every positive thought Simon would put into her head, her trauma telling her that it wasn't true. She felt his love he effortlessly gave her, but she also wondered when he'd get bored... just like every other guy I've dated. They get bored when the spark is out, she thought, frowning as her fingers fumbled with the hem of her blouse. He'll get bored when I don't have the body I used to have when we met - when I'm stretched and scarred with saggy tits and more cellulite. He'll find someone better. 

Her raging hormones weren't helping her negative thoughts, either. Unaware that she found herself crying - sobbing - uncontrollably in public with Laswell staring at her in shock, never seeing Kiera cry before. "Kiera? What's wrong?" Laswell asked frantically, moving to sit across the table to sit next to her, Kiera's elbows resting on the table as she hid her face in her hands. "Are you afraid he's going to leave?" 

She sobbed, nodding. 

"I doubt he will, honey. That man is head over heels for you." 

"Yeah, for now. He won't see me the same after I have this baby. He'll get bored of my body and want to see someone else who doesn't have stretch marks, saggy boobs and cellulite. What if I don't have a boy? He'll probably leave after that, too - finding someone else who either already has a boy or to get another girl pregnant because I'm all used up." 

"Listen to yourself, Kiera. You're talking nonsense. I know your hormones are going crazy right now, but you can't let what happened with Joe talk you out of a healthy relationship." 

"You even said yourself that all men are shit." Kiera scoffed. 

"Yeah, but I'm also married to a woman," Laswell giggled, easing the tension and patting Kiera's shoulder. "I haven't known Simon for long, but I do know that he's very loyal and honest. He's been one of the most loyal soldiers I've ever seen. It's funny because when I see him with you or hear him talk about you, it's like I can't imagine him in that mask he wore on tasks. It's like two different people." 

"I didn't expect it either, so it's fine." Kiera huffed, wiping her tears from her cheeks. 

Aside from her own mother, Laswell was like a second - more stern - mother to Kiera - knowing her as well as a mother should. Knowing when she was upset, angry, heartbroken, and most of all - relentless. Laswell always compared Kiera to a force of nature when she was on the field, executing her authority on many levels, giving Laswell the confidence to send Kiera anywhere on the planet, knowing she'd get the job done and leave no trace. 

"I know it's easier said than done, but don't let your assumptions break your heart. Simon hasn't given you a reason to want to leave, has he?" 

"No, but he's still in the I think I'm in love stage," She doubted herself again, letting her traumatic experiences speak for her. "He treats me better than I deserve and I feel like I can't return the favor." 

"I know he's in love, Kiera."

"For now-"

"Stop it. Right now," Laswell scolded her, the woman's motherly instincts kicking in. "That man loves you, Kiera. When you were in the hospital after what happened in Chicago, he stayed in that waiting room for hours just waiting to get to see you. He didn't eat until I had to bring him something the next morning. When he did, he hardly ever left your bedside unless it was to give room to the nurses or to shower. Believe me, I walked in to check on you every chance I could along with Price. He didn't leave unless you did. When those doctors were dressing your wounds and changing your bandages, he wanted to learn too so that he could do it himself when you got back home. There was no way in hell me or Price could've talked him out of it and you know how devoted he is to his country," She continued, raising her brows as she spoke sense into her. "I bet you could call him right now and say you were hurting and he'd be heading this way. I wish you'd let yourself just give in and be happy. You deserve it, but you're making it seem like you're expecting the worst when you really have the best thing every woman wants." 

*

"What about this one?" Simon asked Eva, pointing down at a gorgeous diamond ring that was being shown in the case. 

"What do you think, dear? They're all beautiful, but do you think it suits her?" 

He thought hard on it, trying to picture it on her finger before he shook his head, "She'll probably think it's too big," He chuckled. "She's always been a simple person." 

"That she is," Eva giggled at the thought, separating from him a few steps before looking down at another ring that spoke volumes to Kiera's taste. It wasn't bulky nor too slender. A silver diamond ring with a princess cut and decorative diamonds along the silver band. "Look at this one, Simon." 

"That's gorgeous," He huffed, perfectly imagining how it would complement that pretty finger of hers. "I'll probably come back to that one, but I'm going to look around some more before I decide." 

He completely ignored the price tag... Eva thought as she watched him continue to look through the gallery, taking time in each ring he thought would be a good fit. "You look like you're pondering on asking the big question." An employee smiled at him from the other side of the case. 

"Oh, I'm done pondering - I've already decided. Now I'm just doing the hard part on finding the perfect one." 

"I'll be glad to help you with that if you'd like?" The woman asked, visibly too cheerful to assist him. Are all women like this? He thought to himself, wondering if he was really that attractive or if she was just browsing herself for a man. Seeing that she had no ring on her finger, Simon assumed that was why she was so adamant. Or she's just doing her job. 

"You know more about it than I do," He chuckled anxiously, hating having to ask someone for assistance. "There's a few in here that I like, but I keep being drawn back to one and I don't know if she'd like it or not. I want it to be special for her." 

The employee smiled, adjusting her weight on her heels before splaying her hands on the case, a pathetic attempt at showing Simon that she wasn't taken if he wanted to keep shopping. "I'll be glad to help. What's her name?" 

"Kiera." 

"Beautiful name," She smiled. "Do you have a photo of her by chance? Don't worry, I do this with every expecting fiancé so I can help with rings that complement their lifestyle." 

Sure you do, Simon scoffed to himself. Prying isn't going to open up a door for you, lass.

He pulled his phone from his pocket and set it on the case, tapping on the screen once for his favorite wallpaper to appear in front of the woman's eyes - the photo he took of her on her horse while she was at the arena. Oh, I know her...

He watched how the woman made a furrowed expression, hoping she was just finding it funny how Kiera's horse made a funny face and not scowling at Kiera herself. "That horse," She breathed a laugh. "Funny." 

"He means the world to her." He said sternly. 

"I can see that," She nodded, glancing at Kiera's mother as she approached Simon's side. "I take it she's a horse person?" 

"Very much so. She works hard. She works with her hands a lot, so I didn't want to get a ring that was too heavy or too bulky for her finger, but I want to get her something special." 

"I have a few that are in the size you're probably wanting. What's your budget?" 

"I'm not worried about that."

"Oh, okay," She nearly gasped, never truly hearing that before. "You mentioned you had a ring in mind already? Which one were you looking at?" 

"It was style 68843," Eva answered, knowing Simon didn't look at the number nor the price tag. With a giggle, she watched Simon nod at the employee before she waltzed off to find the style number, taking a few moments before she returned to her new customer with the ring between her thumb and index finger, easily setting it in Simon's hand as he looked at it closer. 

"Bloody perfect, yeah?" He asked Eva, letting her take a closer look herself as she nodded in approval. 

"She'll love it, dear. It definitely looks like something she'd wear." 

"I think so, too. What size is this one?" 

"Um..." The employee hummed before reaching for the tag, the tip of her acrylic nail scraping his thumb subtly as she turned the tag to look. "This one is a six." 

"That's just her size, Simon." 

"She must have some tiny fingers," The clerk giggled. "Don't have many women come in with that size." 

"Her hands are very small," Simon agreed, chuckling at the thought of how small they were in his hands. "I didn't realize how small she was because I'm twice her size," He continued, looking at the diameter of the band and comparing it mentally to the size of his fingers, concluding that if he were to truly compare, his pinky finger would probably be the closest to her ring finger size. "Tiny feet, tiny ears, tiny nose..." And a tiny baby in that perfect belly, he thought, thankful that he didn't mention it in front of her mother...again. 

You wouldn't be wanting to marry her if you would've seen how big she was in high school, the clerk thought negatively. Being one of Kiera's former bullies in school, she would never admit that she was jealous. Especially seeing the man before her that was wanting to ask the big question. God, you're so tall...

"Well, I think this one would be perfect with the picture you showed me. It looks like it would suit her well." 

Simon took notice of the clerk's jealousy, taking the perfect opportunity to continue talking about Kiera to piss her off, pleased at how he could shut the door of any hope the woman had towards him by making it clear that he wasn't interested. "I think it would, too. She deserves the world." 

"I think we've found the perfect one?" Eva suggested, taking another look to satisfy her curiosity. 

"I think so," Simon nodded. "I want this one." 

"Okay," She smiled, forcing her jealousy from her mind by keeping her gaze towards the floor to keep from looking at him. "If you'll just follow me over here, I'll get your paperwork started." 

"Didn't think it was so complicated." 

The clerk giggled, "This must be your first time." 

"And my last." 

"Well, this is Tiffany & Co. We're proud of our products," She smiled, motioning for both Simon and Eva to follow her to the office, grasping a mint-colored felt box to hold the ring as well as a decorative and rather lavish bag to put it in after she entered the style number into her computer. "Alright, I'll need a valid I.D. and current address." 

Simon huffed as he removed his wallet from his back pocket, setting his I.D. on the desk, watching how her eyes widened after she had realized he wasn't from the States. And he's British? How'd she get so lucky but yet I'm here trying to steal fiancés? She scoffed to herself. "Is this still your current address?" 

"It won't be, but for now, yes." 

"I'm sorry," She chuckled embarrassingly. "I can't read it. It looks scratched out. What's the street address?" 

"60 Oxford Street, Manchester M1 5EE, United Kingdom." He answered. 

"Apartment number?" 

"262." 

"Thank you. Phone number?" 

"[phone]." 

"Payment method?" 

"Whatever is easiest." He sighed. 

"I always advise a check for an amount such as this." 

Eva expected Simon's brows to raise in nervousness, but he was dead serious, intentionally not caring how much he was about to spend. She's worth it. 

"Then a check it is." 

He nodded, removing one of many blank checks he tucked away in his wallet. Only ever having to use a check once, he had hoped it would be accepted considering his main branch of bank was based in the United Kingdom. However, he had already gone through the grueling headache of transferring nearly 50% of his funds into American dollars to be able to spend without fail. 

He glanced over at Eva as the clerk continued typing into her computer, reaching over to remove a print-out of the sales invoice as well as the acceptance of the terms and conditions of the transaction. Simon Riley, the clerk sighed. Such a strong name for a strong man. He signed the dotted line before writing the amount of the ring on his check, finding no issue in dropping the grand total of $14,163.12 for the diamond ring. "That's like you're buying a small car." Eva giggled. 

"Cars are that cheap?" He chuckled, leaning back in his chair after sliding the check over the desk. 

"Used ones." The clerk added. I didn't fucking ask for your input, lass.

"I'll let her pick out the wedding ring." He said to Eva. 

"Oh, I think she'll like this one so much she wouldn't want to take it off." 

"She'll still need a band, yeah?" 

Eva nodded, presenting her wedding ring set on her left finger, letting him look at it. Her finger complimented the gold band and gold diamond ring on her finger. Lavish, he thought as he looked at it. "We got this band last year when we renewed our vows." 

"It's lovely. Her father has classy taste." 

"I was surprised," Eva teased, nudging his elbow playfully - just like how Kiera would. It made him smirk, coming to enjoy spending time with her mother. "Bud can have a heart when he wants to." 

"Alright, you're all set! It might take a couple of days for it to show up in your account, but it cleared on my end." The clerk said, taking the tag off of the ring and putting the ring in the iconic "Tiffany Blue" felt box and putting it in the bag as well as a care guide. "This ring does come with a lifetime service. So if she needs it to be resized, cleaned, or tightened, just bring it here and it's complimentary." 

"I'd sure hope so if it was that much." 

The clerk huffed, "Yeah, which I'm sure she'll have to bring it by to have it cleaned if she wears it every day or does strenuous work. She won't have to pay anything upfront." Or if she gains weight, her 'little fingers' will get fat again.

He reached for the bag on the table after he stood to his feet, nodding at her as he offered his hand to Eva, helping the older woman stand to her aching feet as he escorted her out of the office and towards the entrance of the store. "That woman had her eyes on you." Eva giggled. 

"I noticed," Simon scoffed. "The feeling wasn't mutual." 

"I noticed that. Don't bring Kiera in here, she won't be happy." 

"I just might so I can watch her scold that woman." 

Eva laughed, "Would it be shameful if I thought about that too? As much as I hate seeing how mean my daughter can get, she has a mean streak as wide as the valley." 

"That much is true," Simon nodded, chuckling. "But she's calmed down a lot since we got back." 

"I'm glad she has. I don't like seeing her angry. Although I hate the circumstances involved." She frowned, remembering the pain she had to see her daughter in after the Chicago explosion. 

"You won't have to worry about that anymore," Simon assured her, opening the door for her once the reached her SUV, finding himself being just as protective over her mother just as much as he was Kiera. She's just too precious for this world, he thought, recalling the same thoughts he had towards his mother. 

He sat in the passenger seat of the SUV, putting the bag containing the ring between his knees before Eva put the car in gear. "You hungry?" 

"I can wait until I'm home." 

"That's not what I asked, honey." Eva giggled. 

"If that's the case, I can eat if food was offered." 

"That's better. I'll buy your lunch since you blew so much money on my daughter." She teased. 

"Madame, when it comes to your daughter, no amount of money phases me." He chuckled. 

Eva didn't know what to say. Instead, she blushed and giggled, immensely happy for her daughter to have found such a good man. She deserves it so much. I don't think I could get much happier for her. My heart is so full. 

"So, what're you hungry for? Drive-thru or sit down restaurant?" 

"I'm not opposed to either." Simon shrugged. 

"Well, if I had to choose, I don't like to eat from a drive-thru." 

"So a sit-down restaurant it is." 

#simon riley #simonriley #simon ghost riley #simonghostriley #simon riley fluff #simon riley x oc #simon riley x og female #ghostcod #ghost mw2 #ghost riley #ghost cod mwii #ghost cod mw2 #ghost cod #cod ghost #cod mwii #callofduty #call of duty modern warfare 2 #call of duty modern warfare #call of duty mw2 #call of duty #modern warfare ii #cod modern warfare #simon riley fanfiction #simon riley fanfic #ghost cod fanfic

[salt-baby]

Hello! I am a person with an invisible disability, and I also have trouble socializing because I’m autistic. I sometimes worry that my interactions with other disabled people will come across like I have a weird attitude toward disability just because I’m incredibly fucking awkward and seem like I have a weird attitude about everything. I would like to have some friends who are also disabled in real life- I feel very lonely and isolated right now, struggling to manage my disability and slipping under the radar, and I just wish I had some people to commiserate with. But I worry that if I try to seek out conversations with disabled people they might take it the wrong way or not believe me, i.e. think I’m just some weirdo trying to identify with them baselessly and invade their personal lives. I just wondered if you had any advice. I have gotten the message loud and clear that I’ll never fully be welcome in my social circles of able-bodied people, but I’m scared to try and forge relationships with other disabled people. Thanks for any advice!

Good news - I'm also autistic! I haven't talked about it on my blog before, because to me, my autism doesn't feel disabling and I like my blog to have a narrow focus, but I definitely do relate to wanting to reach out to people and feeling too awkward to manage it.

Regarding other disabled people doubting you because you have an invisible disability, or because you might talk about it in a different way than other people, I wouldn't be too worried. In my opinion, disability is an indelible trait - that is to say, it's something that changes you as a person and always leaves its marks on someone. When reading, I can usually tell when an author is disabled. The shared experiences we've all had make it easy to recognize each other, even if medical gear or signs of illness aren't explicitly visible.

Even if the way we communicate isn't the same as others, that doesn't mean that the truth that you are disabled won't come out. It'll be in the way you talk about disability (likely radically more accepting than most people would be), the way you treat others with a disability, and the way you talk about yourself. There are some things that only disabled people ever seem to understand, because some things you just have to live to get.

I won't lie and tell you that all disabled people will recognize you as one of their own - some disabled people, insecure in their own disability, will try to claim you're "not disabled enough" to make themselves feel better. I can tell you that I believe you, that your disability is an objective fact, and that these are people you wouldn't want around anyway. Every disabled person is already "disabled enough", and I think doubting our fellow disabled people always does more harm than good.

As for seeking out disabled people, I think it can be difficult to navigate. It's a lot easier for people over thirty to find other disabled people than it is for people younger than that. You might try looking for local disability organizations, support groups, or local Facebook groups, but often the people who attend these events are older, and these sorts of groups can be hard to find outside of big cities. There is also a symbol of invisible disabilities: the sunflower lanyard, which you might find helpful. I personally like to wear sunflower motifs, to represent my POTS, but nobody has ever commented on them.

Still, 1 in 4 people in the US are disabled - we're the world's largest minority. By happy accident, I've found that being open about my own disability has helped other disabled people find me. If I talk openly and casually about my knee braces, other people who wear braces will start to mention theirs to me. I think this makes it easier for others to talk about it - disability is still a taboo topic, and sometimes other's aren't brave enough to discuss it openly. When I mention it first, casually, and often, it not only normalizes it but makes it easier for others to join me.

As a little autism pro-tip, I think we tend to have a bit of a surprise tool when it comes to social interactions: our sincerity. I personally find it very easy to be blunt and sincere, and others very much so appreciate being told they're valued. If you meet someone with a disability, and they talk about it with you, thanking them genuinely for it can be a great tool. "thank you so much for talking about that with me, I'm so relieved to find another disabled person" or "that was genuinely such a helpful tip, thank you so much for sharing that with me" or "you're a really cool person, I'd love to talk with you again!" can all be really great ways to make sure our autism isn't read as disinterest. You and I may not show our emotions like others do - sometimes neurotypicals need it spelled out, and if they don't, saying something sincere like that can never hurt. Just make sure you're telling the truth and that it's from the heart. It took me years to realize others thought I was checked out and standoffish when really I was listening closely and excited to be there, and this is the solution that's worked best for me.

I wish you all the best. You seem like a very lovely person, and I think if we knew each other in real life, we'd be friends.

As always, if you want, you're welcome to send me another ask or dm me. I'm always happy to talk about disability.

#the link i used for disability organizations is just a limited list of national organizations #but its a start and a lot of those national organizations have local branches #also its worth mentioning that the sunflower lanyard functions a little more like a medical ID than like a pride flag #its an awareness thing but its also about making sure you have a simple way to explain your needs to others #also my partner pointed out that the phrase world's largest minority can be misleading #depending on your definition of minority anf how you count populations #regardless my point still stands #theres a whole lot more disabled people than youd expect #salt baby answers

[pastorsperspective]

Worry's Only Wasted Time

It’s Friday again! If you noticed, there was no blog post last week, I do apologize. I simply never had time within my week to accomplish it at any point and now here we are. If you missed the sermon on Sunday, you can watch it here: https://fb.watch/mvjqNfHwhY/ I was able to chat with Pastor Chad via email regarding the message and it went like this:

I wasn’t really left with a ton of questions after this message, but I have some thoughts. Obviously, things would be easier to commit to if we had some assurance that we were going to succeed at what we were trying to do. If God would show us some glimmer of the future, some shred of what's to come, that it all works out, sure, it would be so much easier to keep fighting the battles. That was the whole point though, right? We will never have that assurance? (Other than the fact that we've read the Bible and we know in the last chapter that God wins, the end.) We don't get to know all the details of how everything in our lives is going to work out, or how God is going to use our trials to better us. We are just supposed to trust that He will. Why is that SO hard though?

I think it's so hard because we want things on our terms. The human-ness of all of us wants to be in control and order all things to what we see is the best. In many ways, this is our self-idolatry or pride getting in the way of our faith. We lose sight and don't want to accept that there is a God who knows more, sees more, and is capable of more than we are. We humans (at the top of the food chain) tend to think we are the supreme beings of the land and to concede that control and order push against our human nature. Stress is a natural response to uncertainty and we want to eliminate stress by being in control of the future. The reality is we are caught up in our own perception of wants and needs that we lose sight of bigger focuses. The harsh reality is, if it were this way and there were no uncertainty we would complain and moan about the lack of spontaneity in our world. Maybe we're just unhappy people (just kidding). The trick is in seeing the beauty in the unknown, finding the excitement in the uncertainty, and growing in faith all the time.

Letting go is probably particularly difficult for women. Not to stereotype, but women are typically the keepers of schedule and order for the household, kids, etc, and carry the mental load for the family. Not knowing HOW something is going to happen is pure torture. We NEED to have the details; we NEED to plan. Or maybe that's just a me thing and I'm projecting it onto "most" women. I can't imagine having been one of the apostles trying to figure out how to feed the crowd! Let alone feeling confident in any man saying, "it'll be fine, just let me pass out these five loaves!" I mean, have you ever planned a dinner party?? I'm getting heart palpitations just thinking about it! How did the apostles know that it was going to be ok? Did they know? Do you think that even until their deaths, the apostles struggled with "believing is seeing"? 

Oh, they didn't, and most scripture points to a sneaking suspicion they all had that this may end horribly. They knew from the get-go that this was radical and different, and would most likely not be perceived well by everyone. As things went along there are hints that this thing was going to end with a bang, and not necessarily a good bang. Christ himself gave several Passion Predictions where he prepared them for the worst, and as the crucifixion took place, they began to understand that their own lives would most likely end up the same. So, all of these clues, red flags, indicators, whatever we want to call them were there, and yet they still hung in there. They never gave up, they never abandoned the call, they followed it even unto death... why? The answer is simple, the grace they found and were called to share with the world was worth dying for. Not only that, it was worth living for as it changed their very lives. The love of Jesus was so powerful in their lives that they couldn't do anything else, and they didn't. I wonder how many would sign up to be Christians today if it were the same; if this faith would cost you your life at some point? The reality is that we're going to lose our lives at some point anyhow, might as well use it doing something that matters. Life itself is fleeting, what we do with it can last forever. This again comes back to giving up control and letting our faith guide our steps, not our own comforts, dreams, plans, proclivities, etc.

Man, that’s hard. I’m sure it’s harder for some than others, just like everything else we do in this life. All people aren’t designed the same, with the same strengths and weaknesses, and that’s a good thing. It’s terrifying to admit that you don’t really have control over anything when you truly think about it. Maybe the small, mundane tasks of your everyday existence, but not much else. Admitting that can be really scary. It reminds me of a song – because all things do.  If you have some time today, check out this song:

Afraid by Tenth Avenue North

My favorite line is “worry’s only wasted time”. There’s so much truth in that statement. I wonder how much time the apostles wasted worrying about feeding the crowd before Jesus performed His miracle with the loves and fish? I wonder how afraid they were? Were they afraid that the crowd would turn on them? God says we don’t have to worry. We don’t have to fear. He is in control and all we have to do is let Him.

Until next time… If you have any thoughts or questions that you would like to share in our blog, send them to me via the church email, text message, call the office, tumblr message, or Facebook message me!

#methodist #pastorsperspective #pastorchad #fumc #Youtube

[imaginewriting1]

so good it's nasty

Ariana Grande x youtuber!reader

Part 14 of "positions"

Part 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 5.5 (1) | 5.5 (2) | 5.5.5 | 6 | 7 | 7.5 | 8 | 8.5 | 9 | 9.5 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13

You found someone holding a sign with your name on it, whom you recognized as Ariana's driver. It was a compromise when you dissuade her from coming to pick you up personally since it would be a wrench in the singer's already busy schedule.

Once the car pulled away from the pick-up point and onto the highway, you texted Ariana the moment you landed as promised.

Her reply was immediate: welcome back.

It had been a long month. For the most part, it was fun and rewarding. Work didn't feel like work when you were happy to do it, and exploring a new city was exciting. However, you felt a little homesick in the midst of it all. So you worked hard, along with the rest of the filming crew, to wrap up the shoot as efficiently as possible.

You were homeward bound at last, and you spent the time in the backseat thinking of things to do when you reached your destination. A long shower and a nap sounded perfect.

When you finally arrived at your house, you stepped out of the car and took a deep breath. Ariana's driver was kind enough to help with your luggage before they drove off.

Walking towards the door, you turned the handle without using a key and found four familiar faces greeting you.

"Surprise!"

You tried your hardest to act as such, but Ariana had unintentionally hinted during texts what she had planned. Knowing you weren't one for surprises, Olivia straight-up told you. "It's not my birthday." You quipped instead as they swarmed around you to pull you into a big hug.

"No, just your return after an entire month!" Ariana half-shouted. "I- we've missed you."

"I missed you too, all of you." You replied, patting whoever's back that was within reach. The circle broke off after a beat, but Ariana held on a little longer, not that you were complaining.

"Alright that's enough PDA, let's eat." Victoria snarked, prompting laughter all around, and a small grumble from the koala impersonator.

Ariana did pull away from you a little, but her grip remained on your wrist as she tugged you towards the table. The wooden surface was filled with numerous takeout boxes and paper plates - a 'welcome home' feast.

"Is that-" You pointed out.

"Yup, all your favorites," Olivia confirmed. "Ariana insisted."

You wanted to take a quick shower but the girls suggested you eat first. Ariana ushered you to the middle of the couch but you stopped, knowing there wouldn't be enough space for all of you.

"Why don't we all sit on the floor instead? It'll be easier to eat anyway." You suggested. The girls agreed, surrounding the table. Ariana, unsurprisingly, took her seat beside you, while Victoria, Zendaya, and Olivia sat on the opposite side.

You didn't comment on the way Ariana's hand was resting on your lap the entire time. Instead, you focused on savoring the food as well as watching the film you had voted on.

Within 20 minutes, the five of you were in different states of inebriation. If they were put on a scale, Ariana was the tipsiest with two glasses of champagne. Zendaya had half a glass while Olivia had one. Victoria, unsurprisingly, didn't drink a sip, having milk tea like you.

"On Wednesdays, we wear pink!" Zendaya said, fully immersed in her role as Karen. You sat back and watched them turn into a giggling mess of quote recitations. You accepted every popcorn Ariana fed you every now and then.

As the movie played on, more glasses were emptied. "Do you want a refill?" You asked Zendaya quietly without interrupting their scenes reenactment of Mean Girls.

"I think I have enough alcohol for the day, can I have water instead?"

"Sure, I'll go get some." You stood up, much to Ariana's dismay for she had to find another pillow to substitute your arm. "Be right back," You appeased.

"I'll come with you." Zendaya followed you to the kitchen. You retrieved bottled water from the fridge and poured it into a cup. "So you and Ariana?"

You handed the cup to her. "Well, we decided to take it slow." While the two of you FaceTimed every night for the past month, the subject of her confession was never broached. It was an unspoken agreement that the conversation for that needed to take place face-to-face.

But all things considered, you couldn't believe that Ariana did want to be with you after all. You really thought your ending with her would be similar to the lesbian who fell for her (straight) best friend.

When the two of you returned as the movie ended coincidentally. Most of the takeout boxes were emptied so you started to clear the table. However, they shooed you off, offering to do it instead. So you excused yourself to your bathroom to wash up.

The moment you entered your bathroom, you showered quickly and put on a fresh set of clothes.

While putting your shirt on, a soft knock on the door put quickened actions. "Come in." Before you could turn to face your intruder, a pair of arms wrapped around you.

Of all the tells that revealed who the serial hugger was, the biggest was your body remaining in a relaxed state.

"I wonder who..." You started, feeling Ariana's laughter vibrate throughout your back. It was the only sound she made, besides the little sigh when her face burrowed into you deeper. "Ariana?"

She only responded after a few moments. "Can we stay just like this for a while?"

"We can. But you would prefer if I turned around?"

"Oh, yes please."

You shifted into position, adjusting your hold on her. "Better?"

"Yeah," she breathes out. "You smell really nice."

"It's a new soap I bought in New York. Speaking of which, I got you-"

The door slammed open, interrupting you. "Did you two forget our existence? I'm coming in!"

To be honest, you did, but you weren't going to admit it to Olivia, not after she rudely barged in. Besides, she seemed properly chastised by Ariana's glare. "No, I did not, I was just getting everyone's souvenirs."

The three of you returned to the living room where your luggage were. You returned a knowing and congratulatory smile from Victoria and Zendaya respectively when they spotted your intertwined hands.

You walked towards your luggage and retrieved your gifts. "It's the iconic 'I heart NY' shirt! You get a shirt, and you get a shirt, everybody gets a shirt." You exclaimed, throwing them into unsuspecting hands. Their expressions were comical, politely grateful after a moment of confusion.

Ariana seemed to share your enthusiasm. "Now we have matching couple shirts."

"So you guys are official?" Olivia spoke up, looking around to see everyone's reaction. "All of you knew before me?" She turned to look at you with a pout.

Why didn't you tell me first?

I'm sorry, but Ariana and I are still figuring things out. She must have told Victoria and I confirmed with Zen a few minutes ago in the kitchen since she asked.

You shot Olivia an apologetic smile which she accepted when she came up to congratulate the both of you.

"Let's toast to the couple," Victoria spoke up, raising her glass. Everyone raised their respective drinks, before taking a sip. You watched Ariana down what seemed to be her third glass of champagne.

"I'll go get you some water." You whispered to her before going to grab another bottled water from the fridge. When you came back, you find the girls huddling around the couch with Ariana sleeping soundly on it.

"I guess the party's over," Olivia said. "We should get going, to give you two some alone time together."

Victoria agreed with her, "Take care of her." Zendaya patted your shoulder as if to punctuate her point.

"Wait a minute." You instructed them after they put on their shoes at the door. You retrieved more gifts you brought back from NY - an artwork print for Olivia, a matching shirt and baby onesie for Victoria, and a set of essential oils for Zendaya.

Victoria and Zendaya thanked you again as they left with their cars. Olivia stayed back a little to tidy up the place before she go.

"You know, I hated that she hurt you," Olivia said, patting your shoulder. "But I'm glad things worked out between you two. I'm happy for you."

"Thanks, Liv." You smiled, "Get back home safely."

Once she left, you returned to where Ariana was. By then, she had awoken from her short nap. "Where's everyone?" She yawned.

"They went home a few minutes ago. Do you want me to call your driver or do you-"

"I want to stay here tonight. I cleared the whole day tomorrow."

A smile formed on your face, despite being interrupted. "Alright. Let's go to bed then."

Apparently, Ariana had a different take on "go to bed" when she undid the top button of your shirt. "Ariana?" You questioned, albeit amusedly.

"What?" She feigned innocence, "the room is kinda hot, isn't it?"

"You should remove your own shirt then."

"Good idea."

You fell into her trap so easily. "I thought that we should take things slow?"

Her wicked smile doesn't waver. "I didn't mean that when it comes to sex. You have no idea how much I thought about you when you weren't with me. I don't wanna wait anymore."

It wasn't like you didn't want to sleep with her. But you were pretty tired from your flight and the party. "Aren't you drunk?"

"I'm not!" Ariana moved to prove herself, but she ended up slumping on top of you. "Well, drunk sex is pretty good too."

You laughed a little at her statement as you lifted her off you. "Let's do it when we're both not tired. And after we have talked."

"Fine," Ariana said, but it was muffled by your shirt. "I have the entire day with you tomorrow anyway."

You nodded your head and stood up. "You do."

"Where are you going?"

"To brush my teeth."

"Right, I need to do that too."

The two of you entered your bathroom, watching out for her if she stumbles. You reached for a new toothbrush in the cupboard behind the mirror.

"Remind me to buy this toothpaste for myself," Ariana said after using it. "And that soap from New York too."

You nodded your head. "I got you a bath bomb with the same scent but you can just use my soap anytime you want."

Ariana caught your eyes through the mirror. "Oh, I will."

You head back to bed first, giving Ariana the space to go through her nighttime routine. When you slipped under the covers you realized that it had been a while since had shared a bed or stayed with her the entire night. It was the first time she was sleeping in your bed together with you.

The bathroom light was switched off before the bed dipped beside you. The air under the sheets warmed immediately. You felt soft skin pressed against your arm.

"Are you comfortable in that position?" You asked, after a moment of quiet breathing.

"If I say no, will you turn and face me?"

You shifted until your vision was filled with the entirety of Ariana's face. Even in the dark, you could see the shadow of her smile. You rest an arm over her hips after she did so.

"Hi." Ariana's fingers printed on the small of your back.

"Hi, you replied, letting yourself gravitate towards her until the two of you collided gently. "This is nice."

Ariana hummed in agreement, snuggling further into you, fitting her face into the crook of your neck. "This is going to be my favorite thing to do every night," She mumbled, "Besides having sex."

You could only laugh at her comment. "Duly noted."

Even though your body was craving sleep, there was a small part of you that kept you awake - because for once, your reality was better than your dreams.

Ariana was right, you could get used to this.

AN: early access to later chapters on my ko-fi page. also feel free to DM or ask anonymously for any questions.

#ariana grande #ariana grande imagine #ariana grande imagines #ariana x reader #ariana x female reader #female celebrity x reader #female celebrity #celebrity x reader

[just-otter-thoughts]

Do you guys think advertising even, like, works anymore? A long, possibly nonsensical rant about advertising and capitalism.

I'm using my own experiences as a paradigm here so what I'm saying might be entirely out of pocket, but out of all the ads that I see, very few actually work in making me:

Want the product, and

Have the conditions necessary to buy the product.

Food ads, for example, flat-out don't work on me. I already have the foods that I like, and I'm not gonna try burritos because I saw it on TV, or because I saw it in a sign. iFood and Uber Eats ads just fully don't work because I don't care. "If you see it while you're hungry it'll work" nope, I don't get hungry. I do crave certain foods sometimes and I have gotten pizza before because of a pizza ad, because I already wanted pizza.

And I feel like I'm not alone in this. I feel like, out of all the ads people see, to some of them, very few work. So having that in mind, do you think that maybe advertising is inherently wasteful?

I mean, there was a post going around the other day that said exactly this. How much paper is wasted on flyers that go straight to the trash? Out of all the flyers someone might see, if they even actually look at the flyers, how many of them do they actually pay attention to and buy the product/service/etc of? How many resources are wasted into creating video ads that someone's going to simply be annoyed by and skip, or better yet, isn't even going to see because they block ads?

We've all seen so much advertising in our lives that we're desensitized to it. "Yeah, whatever, an app I don't need, a food I don't want, a service I don't care about." I see zero ads on YouTube because I block them all, both on my phone and on my computer because I'm tired of seeing ads all the time.

I mean, even if it's something I'm interested in, the ad usually doesn't work on me! I've seen countless metal bands on Instagram Reels that have all the elements of music I like, but that simply weren't interesting enough to warrant me clicking and finding out more about the band, and maybe listening to a song.

I feel like I'm both being an outlier and not noticing the rare times an ad does work. I found out about my favorite artist, Billie Eilish, through a TikTok audio, which nowadays is unfortunately the main form of advertising music. That alone is proof that standard advertising doesn't work anymore and that they need to be more insidious and subtle to actually get someone to listen.

Which, to be quite honest, sounds like the path to hell. That's why we all like Tumblr so much, to be quite honest. "No one" advertises to us here. But on Instagram it's always an OnlyFans link, or an Etsy link, or a Spotify link, or a "novelty" product that's going to "make your life easier", a makeup product, and I can't imagine it's much better on TikTok, but I'm not on TikTok so I can't actually tell.

And look how normalized that has become! Businesses under capitalism always want to grow. The artist always wants more listeners. The influencer wants more followers. More brand deals. Like, do you see how EVERYTHING has to do with advertising?

The very job of being on the internet literally only pays because of advertising, at least primarily. Now on this subject I may be talking bullshit, so feel free to correct me, but in the beginning of YouTube, the only way you could make money out of it was to be big enough that you got a partnership with YouTube and started to earn a share of what they make running ads on your videos. You need to have a large enough platform that they even want to run ads on your videos because, if not enough people are going to see it, they just won't waste their money.

Nowadays we have things like Patreon, merch, media projects (many YouTubers are musicians and, for example, Markiplier fully has a movie), and the likes. So that's a way you can directly support a creator without the middle man of YouTube's ads. But then you have the hassle of THEIR OWN ADS FOR THEIR OWN THINGS. But these ads are very well-placed, because I already like Markiplier. So I'm more likely to go check out his movie because he said so. I know he made it.

I don't know if I'm making sense anymore. The point is, I feel like everything is growing to become so niche that advertisers need to advertise so much in order to have a small amount of people even care about their product. Audio equipment ads won't work on my dad, but they'll work on me. Offroad car ads won't work on me, but they'll work on my dad. Everyone has their own thing now, and it's difficult to cater to a wide audience because everyone is just so different. I feel like that's why TikTok makes so much money, because it's a way to house many different small communities with their own micro-advertising environments.

#lex speaks his mind #rant #capitalism #tiktok #advertising #long post

[cursedfavorite]

friday, march 3rd, 2023.

it's been almost a year since i've actually used this blog. i thought of it again for the first time in a while when i googled maddie's name in search of her social media, and found her obituary, instead.

maddie was a girl in my summer camp cabin, back in 2018 and 2019. i keep having to refrain from calling her my friend; we only talked some, we barely interacted outside of camp, and i highly doubt she would've considered me a friend in return. i remember how much i wanted to be her friend, though. i picked favorites at that camp, and she was my favorite, but i thought she was too cool for me, so i decided to not force anything on her too much.

she was a tomboy, and a leader; someone you could depend on. she looked out for the shy kids. she was the main reason our cabin had its inside jokes. she was sassy, and a little dark sometimes. she was the kind of person who doesn't even need to do anything to light up the room. she just had a lively energy about her that made her so easy to like. i also found out through the site that she was a very musical person, and loved the color magenta. if we had been able to interact again today, i think we would have gotten along really well. she died in 2021.

i've been doing badly since finding out about maddie's death. it's changed everything for me. the day i found out, there wasn't a single activity that could get me to forget about her, not even for even a split second. it's been two weeks now, and it's gotten easier, but it hasn't gone away. i don't have to be actively thinking about her anymore for her death to still affect me. i can't eat anymore. me finishing a subway sandwich yesterday was a huge accomplishment. i can't take care of my hygiene anymore. my mouth hurts so bad because i used to be really good at keeping up with brushing and flossing, and now i've stopped almost entirely. i can't sleep anymore. it's midnight right now. my heart is randomly assaulted by such a painful feeling of longing that it feels like it'll burst. i'm at least glad i've stopped bursting into tears. i have to be careful what songs i listen to, because even the ones i wouldn't expect can cause me problems now. memories of her that i haven't even thought of since they were actively happening keep popping into my mind these days, which i'm grateful for because i don't want to forget anything about her. i had abandoned my ukulele, but i started playing it again because i found out she played it. i made a magenta bracelet for her the night i found out, and whenever i really miss her, i slip it on and it helps. i want it to help more, though. i don't want the past to hurt me anymore. i thought i was getting better at not letting nostalgia hurt me, and then she died. my times at camp were the best times of my life, but now i can't look back at them anymore because she was such a huge part of it and her loss soaks into everything.

i just miss her. i really miss her. i looked up to her, and now i'm the one who's older. she's going to stay 15 forever, yet i still see her as a role model, and will continue to. it makes me feel so lost. my dad lives in the city she lived in. we've talked about me visiting him there, and how i wouldn't be able to handle such a long drive, but if i ever end up doing it... i think i'll leave some flowers for her. i'll make sure they're magenta, too.

[yjwhatif]

With the semi/cryptic confirmation of Ed and Barts relationship in the series I have a question:

Do you think everyone knows about them (in world) or do you think they’re keeping it secret from some?

It’s just a thought that’s been in my head recently. It is most likely fuelled by the whole drama of G&B not being able to depict a “specific character” (it’s definitely Bart) as gay. They’ve had to hide the relationship from their audience - because of ridiculous reasons - but there are still moments that bring up the question - Are they? Before the reveals from AskGreg, I kinda thought- well they are clearly not together yet, but perhaps they both have feelings for one another and are just waiting for the other to make the next move because they’re nervous idiots who don’t want to have read the situation wrong — all while their friends are like - seriously guys? just get together already. Kinda like they did in s1 with Wally and Artemis - and I guess early Supermartian as well - which I would have been okay with... though with the likelihood of there being at least another two year time skip you’d probably have missed the getting together moment - which would kinda suck. Anyway. With the information about the chances being they were supposed to clearly be in a relationship throughout S3 — which makes the whole structuring of ILLUSIONS just make sense — it’s got me viewing their moments with a whole new energy. Also, I saw this post by Greg —

And let me just clarify, I have no idea if this is actually referencing the Ed and Bart stuff, it might not be (probably isn't). This is purely me speculating.

My reading of this is they got told they couldn’t depict Bart as gay pretty late on and that specifically affected ILLUSIONS where they likely intended to confirm the relationship with that first shot - the kiss on the cheek moment. Even now that moment is just odd - because it’s there but it’s not - because technically there is no actual kiss… which I think is absolutely the point. It plants the seed without actually breaking any rules - all by keeping the momentum but removing the specific kiss frame. It’s the only moment that I feel is explicit in saying they are in a relationship - everything else you can just read into and imply there’s something - but they technically don’t confirm anything.

The whole thing is actually quite interesting - despite the reasoning for it being totally ridiculous. By keeping/showing what they did... People notice it. People talk about it. People reflect on it. More people talk about it. People writing. Make. Create. Discuss it. An entire audience is formed who want and support it. It’s a whole thing now because people noticed it and generated a positive response to it - and that was before all the AskGreg information. The whole reason YJ got a season 3 is because the fans fought to get it back. Enough people talked about it - and kept talking about it - to convince TPTB that the show should come back. Greg and Brandon know this. They know the power the fans have and maybe they hoped that power would help them again in freeing Bart from these ridiculous restrictions. #letbartoutofthecloset

Obviously, we can't know until S4 is released whether G&B got the permission to confirm Bart's sexuality the way they envisioned - but maybe the responses that came during the release of 3b were enough to convince TPTB that they were fighting a losing battle. But who knows, people in power can be very stubborn at times, so we will just have to see what we get. Fingers crossed they eased up though - and not just because of the Ed/Bart relationship (which I am obviously a fan of -- it's fine if not everyone is) - but because these restrictions on LGBTQ+ content shouldn't be a thing and need to stop -- there is just no validity in them.

Anyhow. despite their not being allowed to officially confirm the relationship, Greg's comment about Ed's having a boyfriend they can't name basically confirms the fact without technically breaking any rules again. Masterfully done Wiesman. With this, it implies the pair are in fact dating during S3 which brings us back to the original question... but who knows??

With the comments of Virgil during ILLUSIONS, it's easy to assume their friends do in fact know. They also seem to have no problem being close and interacting with one another whilst in the presence of others -- that is, except for one moment...

Ever since the first time I saw this episode (ELDER WISDOM) I have always found this moment strange - because Ed seems to get kinda awkward when Barry comes to check on Bart. (Or that's how I see it at least.) He realises Flash is standing there and immediately pulls his head down averting his gaze -- almost like he doesn't want to be seen by the elder. But why? Does Barry not know about the pair -- or maybe he doesn't know about Bart and Ed thinks their current closeness is too revealing -- who's to say Bart's even fully out to the world yet -- who's to say either of them are? We certainly don't since we weren't allowed to be shown. We can't know until we know - so until then we can play the speculation game while we wait.

Bart is certainly a bit of a secret keeper when it comes to being himself. I'm still convinced the Bart we see onscreen is merely his interpretation of what he thinks people expect from a speedster in this time. We saw 'real' Bart, he was snarky and cynical and nothing like the Bart we've had for the past two seasons. He said it himself - he's playing a character - and I don't think he knows how to break out of it - not while the possibility exists that it might hurt those he's grown to care about. Bart wants to be seen a certain way to avoid acknowledging the truth of the past - if people see him as happy and smiley, then no one will question him on things he doesn't want to talk about. The problem with that is you can't hide yourself forever - cracks begin to form and eventually, the truth comes out whether you want it to or not. So who knows how comfortable Bart is revealing any of his true self to those he cares about. Maybe his relationship with Ed will be the thing that finally helps him find comfort in being himself, whilst also trusting others to still accept him as himself... and maybe getting him that bit of therapy he really needs.

This brings us to Eduardo… First, can I just say it made me so happy to see Greg’s confirmation of Ed being gay - though it is slightly annoying that he was robbed of his explicit onscreen reveal in S3 thanks to the drama with Bart. His whole relationship to his powers in S2 to S3 fits the representation of coming to terms with your sexuality/identity from a very negative point of view. Feeling like it’s something that needs fixing or needs to be “cured” - to then finding the light and freedom in accepting yourself for you. His growth between seasons is brilliant. He understands the hate and insecurity the teens are feeling because he felt it himself. He does all he can to help them because he never felt he got that help when he needed it - and no one deserves to feel worse for being who they are. Obviously, the things he talks about are framed in the context of dealing with/accepting the meta-gene - yet there are certain moments where it seems he’s saying more than that…

All of which got me wondering - why did Ed originally runaway? It certainly wasn’t because of the meta-abilities he did not yet have. All he’s ever said on the subject was he thought he wanted to be with his father - the man it seems he barely had a relationship with. No, I think Ed has been running from himself for a long time and his dad just happened to be an actual direction for him to aim for. The way he speaks about his wanting to be “cured” and “praying to get rid of his powers” suggests an upbringing around religion and traditional ideas of there being a ‘normal/proper’ way to be — while anything that doesn’t fit that way is treated as other or something that needs to be changed or 'fixed'. Maybe he ran to avoid being found out and run the risk of being ostracised by those he loved. Or maybe he was found out and leaving wasn’t entirely his choice*. If this was the case, I can certainly imagine him not wanting to come out to his dad for fear of his reaction and completely losing all chance of that father-son relationship they’re both trying so hard to keep. It can seem easier to live in secret than risk the reality of loss. So while the meta-gene likely wasn’t the main thing he was angry about in S2, it was able to become a physical thing he could blame and focus his anger on - without having to think about where his issues truly lied… Though with a bit of time it also became the thing he was comfortable conveying his feelings through...

“I’ve learned to accept, even love my meta-abilities”

I love this line so much and it’s all because of the delivery by Freddy Rodrigues. There is the slightest hint of a pause before he says “meta-abilities”, which gives the impression he was about to say something else before then remembering himself and who he was talking to. Then there’s the small inflecion he put on “love”, which makes it sound like it’s the first time he’s heard himself say the words out loud. I don’t hear him talking about the gene - I hear him talking about finally accepting himself - all of himself - for the first time in maybe ever and finally feeling happy because of it. I hear growth... From being the angry 14-year-old skater who just wanted to run away and escape any way he could. To the 16-year-old councillor/Outsider jumping straight into the danger to protect and inspire those who need it. Both he and Bart are such strong characters with so much more to be seen - especially when it comes to the insecurities which lie behind their masks. They both compliment each other pretty perfectly - both powers-wise and personality-wise - meaning while they try to hide themself from others, I don't think it'll take long for them to realise they can't hide from each other.

Anywho, that’s all the speculatary nonsense I’ve got for today. This turned into such a patchwork of vaguely linkable thoughts I’ve had which barely relate to the one I started with - but that is usually how it goes. Take it as you will…

Also, completely unrelated to YJ, but Bi Tim Drake now exists in dc canon which is really cool - seeing all of the joy it’s sparked has really given me something to smile about this week… There is hope after all. 🌈

— LB ⚡️☀️

* OK so here’s a little random snapshot into the chaos of my mind— as I was writing the Ed stuff I had a scene pop into my head of Ed finally -for whatever reason- having to tell his dad that he didn’t leave his abuelo’s home - he got kicked out. His dads confused about this and asks Why? What did you do? And Ed’s like Nothing… I didn’t do anything wrong… he just… found out something. So Seniors like Found out what Eduardo? And Ed’s getting really nervous now because he doesn’t want to say it - That I, um… I’m… Senior step a fraction closer as he picks up on Ed’s anxiety but remains an appropriate distance - Son? Then after a tensening silence he finally says it - sounding the most vulnerable he has ever been - I’m gay… The silence is there again, heavy and unnerving, neither saying a word. Ed can’t move as he’s lock in his elders unreadable glare. Expecting the worse his head drops to take in the floor - anything that isn’t the disappointment ahead - he feels the urge to disappear burning up inside him - consuming him. Then just as he’s about to escape he’s suddenly grounded by a steadying hand rooting itself on his shoulder. Tentatively he lifts his gaze to witness his father, there, with nothing but love and support in his eyes - Mijo. The clamping in his chest dissipates as all the tension escapes at once, along with the breath he hadn’t realised he was holding. Ed embraces his dad and the elder embraces his son. Together. A family.

Anyway. That’s probably a load of rubbish but hey my minds full of it… but basically I really want to see a tender moment between Ed and his dad. For whatever reason. Something where Ed’s in a vulnerable state and in need of some emotional support from his father - and without hesitation his father steps up - because that’s what we haven’t seen from them yet. It would perfectly portray the strength of their relationship as father and son - despite their previous struggles - and prove that Senior is willing to support his son no matter the situation as the father - not just the scientist. Its the final step in their healing journey and I wanna see it so bad!!

#letbartoutofthecloset #long post #my totally random thoughts #bartwatch #eduardo dorado jr #bart allen #young justice #yj #yj outsiders #young justice outsiders #yj season 3 #dc #bartuardo #zetaflash #el dorado #elder wisdom #yj3 #illusion of control #lgbt representation #lgbtq+ #young justice invasion #yj season 2 #relationships #my random ideas #analysis #speculation #identity #sexuality #self acceptance #growth

[apompkwrites]

love in their own way || albedo, childe, xiao, zhongli

masterlist characters: albedo, childe, xiao, zhongli genre: fluff summary: in which their s/o's aren't as forward about their emotions, but still manage to have their little tells that express their love. notes: i hope this meets the request! i had a lot of fun writing this! i just want the boys to be happy :)

albedo -

i like to think albedo is secretly clingy but doesn't allow himself to show it to anyone.

naturally, it's just because he's always holed up with his work.

when he consciously does it... it's because he's nervous.

remember the end of his quest when he's talking to himself at dragonspine?

that's why he's nervous.

anyway!!

he's not too bothered by the fact that you're more reserved.

he has a lot of work so he can't really dwell on the idea for too long.

just you being there when he's working is good enough for him :D

as we all know, this boy is very into experimentation and learning.

so trying to decipher your minuscule facial changes is actually really interesting to him!

he has a bunch of notes just on the little details he can find about you.

and since he's so observant, it doesn't take him long to realize that there are certain signs that only appear around him.

he'll notice them when he's painting you.

whenever he's waiting for results, he'll use the time to draw you <3

because he's done this, he practically has you memorized.

so imagine his surprise when he sees your expression change whenever he leaves your sight.

it takes him a while to actually be able to see this, but i'm sure it's because of timaeus and sucrose.

after all, they're around you a lot whenever albedo is busy.

they probably take a picture to show him something they did while he was gone and that's when he notices.

he doesn't even have to look at a different picture of you.

he can just tell you look different.

the little crinkle next to your eyes was gone.

your lips were more pursed than usual.

you now had a crease in between your brows you didn't have before.

the next time he sees you, he'll hold up the picture next to your face to confirm they're different.

he wants to ask why there's a "clear" difference in your appearance but he already knows why.

he'll ask you just to be sure, though--

your cheeks get a tiny tiny bit darker when you answer wholeheartedly.

it does make him chuckle when he hears that you're so smitten for him in your monotonous voice.

the picture sucrose and timaeus took isn't his favorite of you, so he ends up taking a new one when you two are both exploring dragonspine.

it's a reminder of how much you really love him <3

childe -

out of the four boys here, he's definitely (in my opinion) the most affectionate.

like, this boy will take whatever he can get to just hold you for a second.

especially if you're also from snezhnaya but came all the way to liyue to keep him company.

he's very family-oriented as we've seen, so he treasures these relationships.

now, with an unaffectionate s/o?

honestly, i don't think he'd be too upset about it.

like i said, he really treasures these familial relationships.

because of this, it's his top priority to make sure you feel comfortable in the relationship.

he won't necessarily keep his distance, but he won't be too clingy either.

he'll stand right beside you, enough to where you can almost feel his skin touching yours.

as for your expressionlessness...

it'll take him a bit to really understand how you're feeling.

it's a lot of communication because he doesn't want to mess anything up.

near the beginning of the relationship, he'd ask how you're feeling and if there's anything bothering you.

but once he finally notices the subtle differences in your face, such as a slight eyebrow raise or a tilt of the head, he'll be able to read you easier.

nothing too complex, but just enough for him to tell your emotions.

there is one subtle change that he always looks for, however.

he's realized, with the help of zhongli of course, that there is a specific characteristic that only happens when he's in your line of sight.

your lips are normally pressed in a fine line.

however, around him, the corners lift up ever-so-slightly.

the only reason he's able to see it is that he'll catch himself staring at your lips because he wants a kiss :)

once he sees that, he starts noticing your little quirks whenever you're around him.

you'll lean closer to him as you're walking through liyue harbor.

your eyes start to soften as he talks on and on about his day (and complains about scaramouche--).

he loves the idea that all of these little details about you only happen around him,

it makes him feel... important.

and loved.

even if he holds back from touching you, he'll settle for seeing your cold exterior melt around him.

xiao -

he's not too well versed in affection...

i mean, he's the vigilant yaksha that is known for being stoic just like you are.

you two are basically carbon copies of each other.

no affection and no clear expressions of love.

people (who know both you and xiao) often forget that you two are actually together.

like, they just think you two sit in silence when you're both tired of dealing with people.

they... aren't necessarily wrong.

the two of you are often found sitting at the balcony looking over liyue.

sometimes you bring him almond tofu to share :)

it's very rare for the two of you to actively show your love for each other, mainly because you both know your feelings.

although... xiao does have those moments.

it's not like he's completely oblivious to the whispers about you two.

and on the days where his karma acts up, he gets insecure.

he's... really scared that one day you'll leave just like the others.

it doesn't matter if you're a mortal or an adeptus, he's scared that one day he'll wake up and you'll be gone.

and if that ever comes, he's scared you'll pass on either doubting your feelings or his.

it doesn't help when he notices the difference in your attitude and appearance when he's around.

his first instinct is that he's doing something bad.

either you're angry or upset at his mere existence...

verr goldet's the one who has to explain why you seem different.

she's quite observant on her own, especially because you're the first person that xiao actively enjoys being around.

she'll be the one to tell him that it isn't because you're mad at him.

you have minuscule changes because that's how xiao makes you feel.

you're so soft around him and she can tell just from the small interactions she's seen of you.

for example, when you're talking to the chef downstairs, you have the same expression that xiao has when he's talking to people.

you're annoyed but you know how to handle it.

but when you're around xiao, it's like everything that bothers you disappears.

it's like you're in your own domain whenever he's around.

nothing else matters except for him.

and even if she's relying on small observations and pure intuition, she can tell that the changes are good.

your eyes that seem to look anywhere besides the person you are talking to are completely different from the ones that seem to only focus on xiao.

your normally stiff body relaxes every time you summon xiao at the balcony.

the tiny smile that graces your lips when you disappear to the top of the inn for hours on end.

verr goldet's explanation calms his heart.

his worries seem to disappear and the next time he sees you...

this is the one thing his karma can't take away. he'll be sure of it.

zhongli -

zhongli is also another person who isn't well versed in relationships.

although he isn't as inexperienced as xiao, it'll take some time for him to figure it out.

he's not someone who craves affection like it's the only thing keeping him alive.

he definitely would appreciate it but he completely understands that it isn't something you tend to give.

so instead, he'll show his love in the smaller things.

such as telling you stories, sharing tea, going out on walks, etc.

he's another person who is very observant, especially in people close to him.

his storytelling friends often ask him about your relationship with one another.

they try to bring it to his attention that you may not be as interested as he thinks you are.

of course, he'll simply laugh them off and tell them that they should listen to the person who knows you best.

he'll turn those questions into a big story and explain how they're mistaken about you.

he's never actively told anyone this, save for hu tao who tries to bug him into telling her, but he'll tell them about all of the tiny details that tell him your feelings.

when you're feeling upset, you puff out your cheeks a small bit.

when you're angry, your glare hardens at whatever is making you mad.

when you're happy, your lips part slightly.

when you're in love... well, that's a detail he'll keep for himself.

he's quick to say goodbye to his peers, practically rushing back to your shared home.

he's greeted by you as soon as he opens the door.

your stoic expressions... would be exactly the same to anyone else.

but to him, it's like you've lit up like a small puppy seeing their human parents come home after years.

you don't run up to him, but you turn to look at him and away from the book on the table.

he'll greet you with a quiet nod, pulling out the chair and sitting next to you.

he'll take the book from you, taking in your appearance for a moment.

your shoulders relax by a hair and you move your chair an inch closer to his.

you don't lean your head on his shoulder but you lean towards him as if you were about to.

it's these moments that make everything worth it to zhongli.

here, in your home and in your life, he's simply zhongli.

the man you fell in love with and allowed your reserved self to open up to.

and he would trade anything just to have these moments with you.

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact imagines #genshin impact scenarios #genshin impact fluff #genshin impact albedo #genshin impact albedo x reader #genshin albedo #genshin albedo x reader #albedo x reader #genshin impact childe #genshin impact childe x reader #genshin childe #genshin childe x reader #childe x reader #genshin impact tartaglia #genshin impact tartaglia x reader #genshin tartaglia #genshin tartaglia x reader #tartaglia x reader #genshin impact xiao #genshin impact xiao x reader #genshin xiao #genshin xiao x reader #xiao x reader #genshin impact zhongli #genshin impact zhongli x reader #genshin zhongli

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms #203

Today on Fate and Phantasms, we've only got one goal in mind: Golems! Thanks to Avicebron, we'll make just that; lots and lots of golems! Avicebron is a Battle Smith Artificer, so you'll always have at least one on standby.

Check out his build breakdown below the cut, or his character sheet over here!

Next up: I did naht kill him, I did naht. Oh hi Mark.

Race and Background

Avvy might not look it, but he's still a Variant Human, giving him +1 Intelligence and Wisdom, plus proficiency with Deception to keep your mentees close and your golem ingredients just as close, plus you get the Servo Crafting feat! You can cast Find Familiar as a ritual, but instead of getting an animal, you build a small golem called a Servo. You can speak with and through the servo, plus sense through it, as long as you share a plane of existence. You can also attack with the servo instead of your wimpy noodlearms once per attack action.

You're also a Cloistered Scholar, which gives you History and Religion proficiency. You are nerd! No duh!

Ability Scores

Your Intelligence should be pretty high, you make golems and you don't afraid of anything, that's what you do. After that is Dexterity, you're better off not getting hit than anything else, and also having 4 arms means you're pretty good at sleight of hand. Wisdom is also pretty good, you're a religious man, and while you don't get power from that you're still wise. Unfortunately we gotta make Strength the next highest stat. I mean, two of your arms are robots, so I guess it kinda works? Your Charisma is pretty low, you just don't care about people that much, but we're dumping Constitution. Trust me, it'll make sense in a bit. (Don't do this in-game, this is a flavor thing, you WILL DIE)

Class Levels

You're 100% artificer, so you start off with Magical Tinkering, letting you stuff minor magical effects into tiny items. I don't know why you'd make a fart sound producing golem out of a pen, but I'm not Avicebron. You also learn Spells. They use your Intelligence score for prep and casting. Grab Mage Hand to build a little drone to carry stuff for you, and Message for a messenger golem. Really you can take whatever spells you like as long as you call them golems, but the most golemy are Alarm golem and Catapult golem. Why throw stuff when you can just make it throw itself? You also get proficiency in a buncha stuff, like Constitution and Intelligence saves, plus Nature to figure out good materials for golems and Arcana to build them!

Second level artificers can Infuse Items, adding cool effects to up to two items per long rest from a list of four options. Grab Armor of Tools so you'll always have your golem-making kit on ya, Enhanced Arcane Focus for stronger golems, Homunculus Servant for a golem, and Mind Sharpener to help keep track of your golems. I can already tell golem isn't even gonna look like a word by the end of this build.

Your artificer subclass is the Battle Smith, which makes you Battle Ready, so your golems can use martial weapons. Of course you're not swinging them yourself, so you can use your intelligence instead of strength when attacking with magical weapons. You also get a second permanent golem, the Steel Defender! You gotta use your bonus action to make it do stuff, but it'll hit people, repair stuff, and protect its allies! Also, you can cast Mending on it to heal it. You don't have that yet, but you will! You can also make The Right Tool for the Job over a long rest, and you also get subclass spells for free. Heroism makes a very pretty golem that inspires all your allies to not get scared and get temporary HP. Shield makes a golem that'll stand in front of someone as a reaction, adding 5 to their AC and blocking magic missiles for a round.

Use your first Ability Score Improvement to bump up your Intelligence. You use it for pretty much everything, so your brain's gotta be good!

Fifth level battlesmiths get an Extra Attack, so your servo, your steel defender, and your sword-holding golem can all attack at the same time. You also get second level spells, like Branding Smite and Warding Bond. Neither of those are golems tho. Grab Rope Trick for the first of many rope golems, and Enlarge/Reduce for later. Adam's a big boy, so you've gotta make a big golem.

Sixth level artificers get Tool Expertise, doubling your proficiency bonus with all tools. Golem making is complicated, the DCs are gonna be high. You also get two more blueprints and one more infused item, like a Spell-Refueling Ring for extra spell slots and a Rope of Climbing for another rope-based golem to help your bad climbing skills.

At seventh level you get so smart you have Flashes of Genius, adding your intelligence modifier to checks and saves near you intelligence modifier times per long rest. Yeah, it's actually just weirdly specific golems.

Bump up your Intelligence this ASI for more of everything you like. Smrt.

Ninth level battle smiths add an Arcane Jolt to their steel defender and magical weapons. Once per turn, intelligence modifier times per long rest, you can either add extra force damage to the hit, or heal a nearby creature. Still not sure how to make those golems, but you'll figure something out, you've got 20 Intelligence! You also get third level spells, like an Aura of Vitality golem and a Conjure Barrage golem. You can also can Create Food and Water golems for gathering, or turn just about anything into a Tiny Servant. For up to 8 hours after casting, you can turn a tiny object into a tiny creature, commanding it as a bonus action. Finally, a spell that makes golems! You can also use Glyph of Warding now, though it won't be that useful for the build until you get fourth level spells. The idea is, you can keep a bunch of these bad boys in your base, all set to trigger against a creature that knocks you down to 0 HP. All of them summon constructs, beating up the guy after you're already unconscious. This is the closest we could get to Avicebron's third skill, D&D doesn't really plan for character death that well. Also, just a correction. I just found out you can't carry glyphs around without them breaking :(

Tenth level artificers are Magic Item Adepts, giving you an extra attunement slot and you can create uncommon magic items for cheaper. You also get the Mending cantrip for golems, and two more blueprints for an extra infused item. The Helm of Awareness will help you stay out of trouble, and the Periapt of Wound Closure makes it easier to not die. Your master strategy is all about getting knocked out, so it would be nice if you automatically stabilize.

Eleventh level artificers can create Spell-Storing Items, stuffing weapons or focii full of first/second level magical goodness. It's like you're casting the spell, but it uses the other guy's concentration.

Another ASI! Bump up your Dexterity for less dying.

With fourth level spells, you can cast all sorts of golems. You're stuck with Aura of Purity and Fire Shield, but you also get an Arcane Eye for a drone golem, plus Mordenkainen's Faithful Hound and Summon Construct for fighting golems.

As a Magic Item Savant you get another attunement slot, and you can ignore requirements when attuning magic items. You also get the Prestidigitation cantrip to make whatever small tools you need for a second, and two more blueprints for one more infusion. Bracers of Defense will help you not die if you don't think Avicebron's outfit is armor, and the Ring of Protection will also do that regardless.

At fifteenth level you get your last subclass improvement, the Improved Defender. Your arcane jolt gets bigger, and your golem gets tougher and can reflect damage, not just deflect it.

Use the rest of your ASI to bump up your Wisdom. Making yourself better isn't in character, so just be wise.

You've got fifth level spells! Banishing smite isn't a golem, but I guess Mass Cure Wounds could be Adam's feet? Idk. You can also use Bigby's Hand for Adam's hand, and Animate Objects for more item-based golems. Now you can turn your trusty frying pan into a-golem. Everything turns into a golem.

Eighteenth level artificers are Magic Item Masters, letting you attune to six items at the same time. You also get two more blueprints, so grab two copies of Arcane Propulsion Arm for the four arms of your third ascension. Arms are cool.

One last ASI, grab more Wisdom.

Your capstone ability grants you a Soul of Artifice, giving you a +1 bonus to all your saves for each magic item you're attuned to, and you can destroy an infusion to drop to 1 HP instead of 0. Remember, getting KOd only helps if you're near one of your glyphs.

Pros and Cons

Pros:

Between your Steel Defender, servo, tiny servants, and animated objects, you don't have to do much. Plus you can just rope trick away and let them take care of everything!

If your DM ever tries to spook the party by fighting you in your own base, you can spook him right back by taking a fall and filling your study with angry golems.

With expertise and flashes to help your repairs along plus mending, you're a great repairman. If the DM tries to block your path with a broken bridge, it won't stay broken for long. Plus, your warforged allies will love you.

Cons:

DONT DUMP CON. You have less than 100 HP at level 20, and your constitution save is really bad (for an artificer). Don't do it. Look me in the eyes, don't. do it!

Having any part of your battle plan being getting knocked out is not going to make you popular with your party members. Maybe you should help out yourself? Nah, golems are better.

All of your infusions and spells are focused on helping yourself, a stark contrast to most of our artificer builds. Keeping all your toys to yourself will not help your party like you, especially with a +0 charisma.

#fgo #fate grand order #D&D 5e #DND #Artificer #Avicebron

[halfofwhatisayismeaningless]

A tale of two. Alex Turner. Eight.

Description (Part One.) Alex Turner x fem!Reader. (Y/N) (Y/LN) is a young and promising publicist in show business. Her work would cause the encounter with the person who would turn her life upside down: Alex Turner. But what happens when love seems to go counterflow? When everything seems inconvenient?

Words: 1,2k.

A/N: I know it has been like two weeks. I'M SO SORRY. But I've been feeling realy unmotivated this past days. You can find the spanish version of this story on my wattpad profile. That’s it for now.

Do you wanna be tagged? You just have to ask!

Part One. Part Two. Part Three. Part Four. Part Five. Part Six. Part Seven.

Alex

He couldn't move. The events of the last years piled upon his head, they became, they mixed and separate. The space-time didn't divide on his head, it seems like it had folded on itself, was this the end of the world? the end of the planet? Did the apocalypse felt like that? He felt like it was.

The silence was deafening, with every minute that passed, the pain was more unbearable. He couldn't stop asking himself what should he do. Go out and look for her? Where was she? The sound of the wheels of her suitcase on their house entry still sounded on his head, non-stop.

"I couldn't live here, surrounded by ghosts," she had said.

He couldn't stop travelling the city on his head, going after the steps they had given that night together, the night of their first kiss. His hair was glowing that night, the skin under that shirt invited him to play. That small necklace with a circle, with that marching ring. He wanted to kiss every part of her body.

He couldn't stop travelling the city on his head, going after the steps they had given that night together, the night of their first kiss. His hair was glowing that night, the skin under that shirt invited him to play. That small necklace with a circle, with that marching ring. He wanted to kiss every part of her body.

He watched her go to the dancefloor, taking Breana's hand. He sighed when he watched her smile. It seemed like she was the only thing on the dancefloor, everything orbited around her.

"Why don't you try, Alex? I really think she likes you, Breana dropped a hint before," Matt said.

"I don't know, I wouldn't like to ruin what we've now. Is better this than nothing."

"Alex, if you don't do it now, you'll regret it tomorrow." Alex stared at him. "Look, I'm going to talk to the DJ, he's my friend. I'll ask him that when you approach her, he puts a slow song, it'll be easier." Alex didn't know what to do.

"Okey," he said, suddenly, he was certain he could do it.

When (Y/N) turned around when she felt his touch on her hips, he knew everything was going to be fine. Those eyes, that smiled drunkenly, were a sign of love, even though none of them knew that yet.

After the already told events, once they were out of the club, Alex and (Y/N) were still holding hands. They looked at each other, Alex couldn't helo it, he approached her, pulled the hair out of her face, and kissed her again.

"Do you want to take a cab? We shouldn't drive in this condition," (Y/N) said, holding Alex's hand.

"It is not bad weather, I could walk you home if you want." (Y/N) knew that her home was far away, but she wanted to spend that time with him, so she smiled and nodded.

They arrived at (Y/N)'s home holding hands, they hadn't said a word about what had happened in the club. They were acting like they always did.

"And what had happened to him?" (Y/N) asked, her eyes open wide.

"They found him in a portable bathroom, at the other end of the festival." The girl laughed at the story. They walked the street up until her building. Once they were at the front door, (Y/N) dropped Alex's hand and looked for her keys in her bag. She approached him with the keys in her hand and touched Alex's chest.

"Would you like to come up for a while?" she asked, smiling near his lips.

"Don't you buy me dinner first at least?" (Y/N) laughed.

"Don't you think there are some things we should talk about?" Alex nodded, (Y/N) offered her hand, and together they crossed the threshold of the door. "Sorry for the mess, I didn't expect any visitors tonight."

(Y/N)'s apartment had a luminous living room, at least the days the sun shined, which were only a few in London. The living room was separated from a small kitchen by an isle. The apartment also had a big room with a king-sized bed and a small office, attached to a huge bathroom.

"If you think that this is messy I don't know what you'd think about my house," Alex answered.

"Would you like some tea? I'm still pretty drunk."

"I'd love some," Alex approached the shelving that decorated one of the walls of the living room, there were hundreds of books, records, movies, pictures, and a turntable. He looked at the vinyl collections. "These are the jazz records you told me your dad had given to you?" (Y/N) looked at him, holding a tray with two cups.

"Do you remember that?"

"I remember everything you tell me, (Y/N)" She put the tray on the coffee table. They sat down on the sofa.

"Alex, I'll be honest with you." He took her hand and nodded, encouraging her to continue talking. "I like you since the day we met, but the idea of being with you romantically terrorizes me."

"Why?" he whispered.

"Because you are Alex Turner, the world-famous singer, every girl you meet falls in love with you. Dating you would be like entering an eternal competition with myself. I'm even talking about dating when maybe you don't want anything serious. But I don't want to be with you if we are not having something serious, I want to trust you, to know that when I get home after a shitty day at work I will be able to call you, and you will listen as you care." Alex looked at her, laying his head on his fist, with his elbow on the arm of the couch.

"Can I talk?" he said when (Y/N) had stopped talking, she nodded. "(Y/N), I want something serious as well. It had been really long since someone excited me as much as you do. You are smart, funny, you know a lot of things, If I could, I would be listening to you talk all day long, I don't care what you were talking about. And you are beautiful." He put her hair behind her ear. "Please, believe me, I'm Alex Turner, but it doesn't matter, because you are (Y/N) (Y/LN), the only person I want to be with." (Y/N) stayed silenced. She couldn't believe what he was saying. "Can I kiss you?"

A simple nod from her was enough for Alex to put his mouth on hers. The kiss, which started soft and tender, became desperate, both tongues started a battle. (Y/N)'s hands went from the singer's hair to the buttons of his shirt. Alex started going down (Y/N)'s neck, kissing each part of the skin which wasn't covered, including the skin of her chest. He went back to her mouth, his shirt had disappeared, they were now lying on the couch, she was on him. It was only when he heard the sound of his belt opening when he got separated from the girl.

"What's wrong? Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?" she asked quickly. Alex laughed, touching her face, which had turned now red.

"Everything is fine, (Y/N). But I think it would be better if we take things slowly. I want to do everything right with you, let me take you out on a real date before we do this." (Y/N) smiled at how attentive Alex was.

"Okay, Alex. Whatever you feel is right." Alex stood up, putting on his shirt. "Would you like to stay here? We don't have to sleep together, I can sleep on the sofa."

"It's fine (Y/N), I'll walk home." She stood up as well and walked him to the door. She was the one who started the goodbye kiss. "I'm really happy right now."

"Likewise," she said, smiling. Alex opened the door. "Have a good night."

"You too, baby," he said, winking.

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