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#and this movie (if/when it actually does start getting promoted) will be sold as one of their ''bro'' action flicks

raven-at-the-writing-desk · 2 months

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why them??

Whenever we visit a new location, there's an in-game reason given for why it's these specific four characters chosen to go! I was eager to see why Vil had Jamil, Azul, and Ace come along with him to an acclaimed film festival... and I was not disappointed 😂

***Tapis Rouge in the Shaftlands spoilers under the cut!!***

So as it turns out, Vil has been invited to the International Film Festival in Fairest City (a significant location for the entertainment and beauty industries). He’s going to promote a movie he’s in that’s releasing next year.

The original plan was for the Film Research Club to accompany Vil and take the chance to learn more about movie productions. However, the club is in the middle of filming for their own project and a change in weather has led to their shoot next week being cancelled. The filming they would have done next week now has to be done this week, so Vil’s club members cannot go on the trip. (Vil himself still has to attend because he is contractually obligated to.)

The other NRC students start to argue over who Vil should take in his club members’ places. The people vying for spots include:

Cater (because the Fairest City is so trendy and always popular on Magicam)

Azul (many famous brands are sold in Fairest City; he has a financial interest in this research)

Lilia (has visited the city before, but never the film festival)

Jade (the city is close to old mines, which he is interested in)

Ace (he loves the idea of going to a fashionable city and “tasting” the celebrity world)

Rook (a lover of movies and dramas; he is curious about the movie studios)

Floyd, Epel, Deuce, Grim (lol it sounds fun to them; Epel also says he has not traveled a lot so he wants to go this time)

Ruggie (FANCY FOOD)

Jamil (wants to take advantage of Vil’s presence to see behind-the-scenes things they don’t normally show; he usually prepares snacks for when Kalim watches movies at one of three at-home theaters but hasn’t had the time to really appreciate the films for what they are himself)

DKJLBHASILYFAYFVQEFIFQEPI; I love the added detail of Jamil telling the others they're inconveniencing their senpai but then Azul cuts in and implies the behavior is a manipulation tactic to show off to Vil how reliable Jamil can be (thus increasing his odds of going while he still maintains his "humility")... Those two just cannot stop getting at each other's throats, I swear 💀 (In part 2, they continue the pettiness when Ace comments that they’re both quick to tease him together, so do they actually get along? Jamil says no but Azul says yes… and the two of them are STILL bullying each other about their personalities once they get their new outfits. Truly not a dull moment with them…)

BUT THIS IS THE REAL STINGER

So since Vil can only pick 5 people to take with him, he says they'll have to prove that they somehow excel over the others. It's then that Azul cooks up a scheme on the spot and recruits Jamil and Ace for it: a lottery! Azul proposes it, has Jamil pitch in, and has Ace prepare the drawings. THIS WORKS ON MULTIPLE LEVELS BECAUSE:

Azul can present the idea as "random" and "fair". This makes him appear like a kind problem solver not wanting to give anyone, not even himself, a leg up.

It would come off as shady if he gets one of the twins (known to be his henchman) to agree with him... so who does Azul get to back him up? Jamil, someone from another dorm, and someone who was passive aggressive with him earlier. This creates a false illusion that others beyond Azul and his dorm believe in the "fairness" of the lottery.

Ace has deft fingers; he a cut a deck of cards--and he can easily rig a lottery since he's in cahoots with Azul, the guy who suggested it to begin with.

This creates a situation where Azul, Jamil, AND Ace get to go to the event. These bitches are mutually benefitting from being collectively sneaky (According to Ace, Yuu and Grim pulled the remaining two slots by coincidence, so they just happen to be "lucky") 🤡 AND THE FUNNIEST PART OF IT ALL IS THAT VIL SUSPECTED THEY WOULD PULL THIS SHIT, BUT HE LET IT HAPPEN ANYWAY SINCE IT'S TECHNICALLY STILL THEM DEMONSTRATING THEIR TALENTS TO HIM...

Truly, bravo... That deserved a standing ovation, gentlemen 👏

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zorasthoughts · 3 months

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narratives in the a good girl's guide murder trilogy

i should be writing my dissertation, but instead i'm writing this. i was rereading good girl, bad blood recently and thinking about how narratives were a major theme in that book, but then i thought about it some more and i was like, oh, they're actually in all the books. they're everywhere. major spoilers for all three books under the cut.

a good girl's guide to murder: first of all, there's the fact that at the start of the first book, the first thing we read is that pip's project is supposedly going to investigate media narratives in missing persons cases, and we do get a look at different narratives, especially surrounding sal.

pip interviews max hastings and elliot ward, two people who try to discourage her investigation and promote the accepted narrative, but they do both acknowledge that it doesn't align with the sal that they knew. there's also stanely forbes, who pip calls out for being racist and vitriolic towards sal and his family in the news.

as well as the negative acounts though, there are more positive accounts from people about sal being friendly and kind. naomi ward knows that sal couldn't have been responsible for andie's death, and although she doesn't initially tell pip why, she entirely rejects the idea that he could be a killer. when nat da silva meets ravi, she tells him that she remembers sal offering to help her at lunch with schoolwork. when ravi asks pip why she's so invested in the project, she tells him her memories of sal, a big brother figure who taught her how to flip pancakes and let her and cara watch a 15 movie when they were 12, who scared off her bullies and gave her a kitkat to cheer her up. pip says that to her, sal was a hero. finally, at the end of the book, there's the moment when pip invites ravi on stage to talk about his brother, to rewrite the narrative.

on the flip side, we learn that andie didn't fit the golden-girl narrative that she was given. yes, she was pretty and popular, but she sold drugs, she was emotionally manipulative and mean to her closest friends and younger sister, and bullied classmates (nat). more on andie later.

good girl, bad blood: the beauty of the agggtm trilogy is the way the themes continue to develop with each book. narratives are everywhere in this book. pip releases a podcast about the andie/sal case because all the news and media outlets were reporting on it with certain angles, to fit their own narratives. we learn max hastings is on trial, and has been presenting himself in court with suits, handsome/messy hair, and glasses, and that his mother talked about him having leukemia as a child, to create a sympathetic narrative.

when jamie reynolds goes missing, pip does another season of the podcast to help connor and his family find him, but it proves difficult, and she gets accused of orchestrating the disappearance, since connor is one of her friends. by unfortunate coincidence, an article speculating about pip faking it all comes out around the time that max hastings is declared innocent, which doubles down on the idea that what pip is saying is not the truth.

we learn that what leads to jamie's disappearance is connected to "layla mead" and the narrative that jamie believed: that she was sick, had a controlling father, etc. and need his help.

now, the main thing that i'd been thinking about that started this whole post: charlie green, child brunswick, and pip. for charlie green, stanley forbes (child brunswick) caused his sister's death, broke up his family, is responsible for every hardship that befell him. for charlie green, stanley/child brunswick is a monster that's been haunting him since childhood.

pip, however, is able to see that stanley himself was also a child, who had been forced to do the things he did. charlie green can't see that though, and shoots stanley, causing a death that will haunt another young person for the rest of their life.

stanley was always a monster in the story of charlie's life, but in his quest for revenge, charlie became a monster in the story of pip's life.

at the funeral, pip tries to eulogise stanley, saying that he did his best to protect pip, even while his life was being threatened. she doesn't get to finish though, because a crowd of angry locals come by to protest against stanley's burial in little kilton, including people that had known and been friends with him. stanley's life (and, in this context i'm talking about the person who lived with the identity of stanley forbes, the guy who was trying to be better) is overshadowed by his death, and the revelation of his youth as child brunswick. in the aftermath, jamie comforts pip, sharing his own memories of stanley, who was scared after jamie attacked him, but tried to be kind anyway.

as good as dead: a tough time to be pippa fitz-amobi. the narratives are against her now: max is suing pip for libel after she made a post online that contradicts the jury and their ruling that max is innocent. people online, and in her town, have turned against her after the events of good girl, bad blood, specifically because of her sympathy towards the deceased stanley forbes. oh, and she has a stalker, except the police don't believe her: di hawkins chalks everything up to pip's trauma (and yes, she does have a shedload of trauma, but he dismissed her way too easily).

pip's research, which puts her on the trail of the dt killer, brings forth new revelations. she meets with harriet hunter, the younger sister of one of the dt killer's victims, who tells pip that she knew andie bell, and describes andie as being kind and sympathetic, and above all, a true friend. after their meeting, pip gets into andie's secret email account that andie used to contact harriet secretly, and we get to read her unsent email, which reveals that andie knew who the dt killer was, and how scared she was, and how much she was determined to protect becca. a far cry from the figure of the mean-girl bully that we had in the first book. (andie is a complex character, but i'm not getting into all of that here because this post is about narratives.)

after pip murders the dt killer (jason bell), she then masterminds her way out by creating alibis for herself and everyone who helps her. how? she reframes the narrative, of course. manipulates the time of death so that it seems later, so that at the supposed time of death, pip, ravi, and all their friends are out in public places, then plants a trail of fake evidence to frame max. when the news comes out about jason bell's murder, pip takes control of the narrative again by announcing that she's going to investigate it on her podcast (a podcast she started because she disappeared with other people's narratives), and nudging the police in the direction that she wants them to follow.

wow, this was long. i'd probably find even more to talk about if i left it long enough, but i'm going to wrap up here. will probably be making more, extremely long literary analysis posts about this series, because holly jackson is a genius and i will never be done talking about her.

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rorykillmore · 2 months

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if you have been as intrigued as i am by oz perkins' LONGLEGS (2024), here is a very preliminary shot by shot breakdown of its teaser trailer! will we discover anything profound? probably not, but there are some spoilers and speculation/potential spoilers under the cut, so if you want to go in completely blind, be mindful

maika monroe herself in our opening shot, standing in front of her crime board. which seems to mostly feature a cipher (one of what appears to be several that this movie and its marketing are using).

are we to assume that something Bad is happening in this car? probably.

next shot is cut as though this little girl is reacting to whatever is happening outside. i was squinting at whatever is on her desk because i have a feeling it may be important (for reasons mentioned later) but it is difficult to tell.

someone (maika monroe?) is doing research on what appears to be demonology or something related to it. titles of the books are 'a guide to the nine circles of hell' and 'the dark lord's hand' (both books were presumably created for the movie as they don't come up in any searches). beneath the books are notebooks in which she seems to be attempting to decode that cipher (maybe the killer is leaving our protagonist coded hints)

this opening of the book is intercut with a shot i did not include (to save space/because i had little to say about it individually) of the investigators opening a door to a dark room (murder scene?), which is a cool thematic thing. it also precedes...

also this shot is more heavily featured in this teaser with a cipher that when translated reads "hail satan" (check out the decoding work this person has done). well! if we had any doubt that these killings have some kind of religious motivation.

this is the 'guide to the nine circles of hell' book, but i can't make out the text with any clarity. to the right, perhaps another decoding effort is happening -- but i actually think this is maika trying to figure something out about the victims here. the order in which they're going to die, maybe? their locations/how they are chosen? there's a list of people's names beside a field of numbers, and she's drawing a line through some of the numbers.

starting to notice something odd with the aspect ratio - pay attention to how it swaps between standard widescreen and this more voyeuristic type of shot (you also saw this earlier, in the winter shots of the car and the girl), and we'll see if there seems to be any logic to that.

our first look at nic cage! is it scenes involving him/related to him specifically which are shot differently? maybe to induce said voyeuristic quality surrounding him and his kills? regardless: he's busy in his little workshop here. there's a nic cage interview floating around that seems to indicate that his character kills via creating cursed dolls or puppets which drive families insane in a sinister-esque fashion, which would check out here

something wicked is afoot in this hardware store (?) (i can't actually tell what is being sold here)

in presumably the same store, we see an unknown figure offer this girl some kind of small figurine (???). possibly nic cage planting one of his dolls (this is also why i was paying attention to the other girl's desk in the earlier shots, to see if she had anything similar). does he work here? (worth noting however that this is shot in the regular widescreen aspect ratio)

maika is finished with her triangle recreation.... but perhaps she is not alone

few interesting things to note here. 1) woman is getting hit in the back with an axe (in her own home, seemingly not expecting it, lending credence to the killer's MO). her murderer (husband? unsure) appears to be covered in blood. 2) she bears a resemblance to this woman, from a promotional poster and the setting looks as though it's the same one from this teaser. (cipher reads: "stood upon the sand of the sea", referring to a quote from the book of revelation describing a HYDRA, hmm)

3) a change of aspect ratio again, which immediately intercuts with....

maika flinching backwards as though bearing witness to this. could be just some misleading trailer editing, but the implication here is that she is 'seeing' these murders take place somehow. actually, maybe THAT explains the change of aspect ratio? it happens when we're seeing her "visions"?

gonna cover these quicker shots a few at a time: a shadow stumbling/dragging itself through a house as though wounded (not sure if it's the axe-in-the-back woman, because the house looks a little more modern, plus - different aspect ratio), an eerie figure in the woods (feels strangely out of place), another shot of nic cage in his workshop(?) (again with the aspect ratio switch - so if we follow the theory that these are maika monroe's visions, she definitely has some kind of direct connection TO him and not just a voyeuristic connection to his victims).

a person (i initially thought a woman, but that could actually very well be nic cage with his long, scraggly hair) slamming their head into a desk. the shot has interrogation room vibes (to me) but is too bare bones to make out for sure. maika is either... watching/interviewing (that's a camera beside her?) or this is another intercut reaction shot implying their connection.

(i didn't capture it but these shots are also intercut with images of red, gurgling blood, which seems a bit more deliberate than just an edgy choice - if there is a ritualistic element to these murders, perhaps it has something to do with blood)

i think this is nic cage again, but why is he upside down? interesting. unless i AM wrong, they actually show him a lot more in this trailer than initially assumed.

we're in maika-vision (calling it that until further notice) here again, this time to look at some kind of demonic entity (the same one we saw in that earlier shot of the woods?). this calls into question the objectivity of this voyeurism-whatever-it-is, although... obviously this film does have very clear supernatural elements, so hell, maybe nic cage IS being instructed by a demon.

another very clear intercut between maika and nic cage. is that nic cage?! it REALLY does not look like him from this profile angle, but it is possible that they've done some prosthetic work on his face (which they have been very careful not to show in full quite yet - nor do i think they should, since he is such a well known guy. you don't want your audience getting comfortable with him in this role before they actually see him.)

but i digress: another moment where the editing is implying an important connection or parallel (maika seems to be losing it a little - which i would too if i could no longer separate my identity from a killer's and/or their victims)

going forward i would pay attention to how promotional material for this movie is edited In General because they are using it as a very deliberate communicative tool at least in this teaser!

another couple of notable shots. in the first one, a woman (a nun? she seems to be wearing a habit, similar to another woman we will see later) fires a rifle into what seems to be an already blood-splattered car. then (which i didn't include) we see Maika With A Gun (hi maika), and what appears to be a car chase.

in maika-vision again, a man who has seemingly just got done slaughtering all of his cows. probably safe to call an animal harm content warning for this one, pals

ah! that WAS nic cage in the car paralleled to maika -- look at how he's dressed here. yet again they are deliberately hiding his face (also note the background - it would seem that yes, he is working at some kind of paint/hardware store).

two more maika vision shots. the first is the woman we see featured in this poster. the second is a small child who is closing a door to avoid watching whatever they're looking at. neither is having a good day!

there is a targeted amount of religious violence here, which makes sense if our killer is demonically motivated

and last but not least, nic cage murdering a guy (gender neutral) (interesting though because i hadn't assumed him to be the hands-on type given his rather indirect MO).

anyway: that's the longlegs trailer! the most telling takeaway here, in my opinion, is: how much it does actually focus on this sort of duality between maika monroe and nicolas cage and some apparent connection between them. my instinct is that that's going to be the meat of the story (although there is clearly a deeper mythology to explore too -- the cipher, the demon, the nature of the kilings).

one more thing to note: this movie seems to take place over the span of several decades. the teaser posters/captions released by neon are dated by year and reflect as much, and if you're looking for it you can see the aesthetics shift around a bit in the trailer as well.

send me your theories/observations! eager to see if anyone puts some pieces together that i might have missed.

#longlegs #longlegs movie #horror

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whatyourusherthinks · 3 months

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Bob Marley: One Love Review

Bob Marley: One Love has had a weird pre-watching history for me. When I heard the premise, I thought, dope. I'd totally watch a Bob Marley biopic. Then a manager at work told me it was supposed to come out last year and they had screenings that went down horribly. Egh. But the opening weekend sold a lot of tickets! And sales went significantly down shortly after...

Whatever happens this is going to be interesting.

What's The Movie About?

The biopic shows the attempted assassination of Bob and the aftermath of everyone's survival. Kinda.

What I Liked.

First, the music is really good. Obviously. There was a couple moments here and there I thought were pretty interesting, for example they showed Bob getting the inspiration of the album Exodus and that was cool. I liked Bob's charity work and how they showed his beliefs through his music career. And there was a pretty touching moment at the end when Bob confronts his would-be assassin, although I don't know if it actually happened or not.

What I Didn't Like.

The story is unfocused. It starts about Bob dealing with the aftermath of the shooting and having PTSD, but then he moves to London and it seems like the movie completely forgets about that plot point. There's three plot developments that seem like they should important but are brought up 40 minutes before the credits roll and resolve super quick, or is the outcome of the plot point is explained with text over actual pictures or video of the real Bob Marley. Speaking of which, this is a nitpick, but the actor who plays Bob Marley does not look like him, and it's really obvious with the ending. Also, there's a scene of the Bob singing 'Three Little Birds' and he stops and the crowd continues to sing in the trailer that is not in the final movie. Speaking if nitpicks, there's like a million flashbacks in the movie that aren't presented super well, but whenever the flashback to Bob and his wife when they are young adults (I think they're supposed to be like 18 or 20) the actors look 15. Also, I went to see this movie with my sister. And we couldn't understand half the dialogue. Is it because we're two white kids who've never been to or met anyone from Jamaica? Probably.

My final criticism is getting it's own section because I feel like I'll need to justify myself, but half this movie is a shitty religious movie. What I mean by that is half the movie is about Rastafari and how Bob Marley is a believer of that religion, but rather that having an explanation of the religion or focusing on debate between people of different faiths, it's just dogma. Either Bob says he's struggling emotionally and his wife or his priest says "Believe Rastafari!" and he's all better, or some white guy is questioning how he's promoting himself or making his music and he says "I'm doing it the way Rastafari wants!" and it completely shuts down the conversation. See, I've praised spirituality in other movies like The Color Purple, but that felt like I was being explained a unique perspective on an already existing belief. I like learning about theology because I'm gaining knowledge that can be pretty damn fascinating. The only thing I really learned from this movie is that Lions are an important symbol of Rastafarians, but I don't know why. It's just reiterating the movie's beliefs, refusing to accept criticism, and saying fuck you if you disagree.

Final Summation.

So the movie is not good. It's fine, but my big sticking point is that the only reason to see this movie is to hear the music, and to learn about Bob Marley. And you could literally get the same experience reading Bob's Wikipedia page while listening to a Bob Marley and the Wailers record. So save your money on a ticket.

#Bob Marley: One Love #Rejected Movies

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perfectly-uncapable · 2 years

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@valiantlyjollynightmare asked me to do an ask game about my music and YES YES I WILL

(it's shuffle your fave playlist and name the 10 songs)

okay so my favorite playlist right now...hmm... I'll say it's my "semester 6" playlist, that I named to remind myself I had passed 5 semesters of university before and I could do it again. I just added music that I discovered this semester, or that I listened to a lot

Ongeveer / Eefje de Visser: okay i added this one bc we were sitting in a cafe at the exit of a concert venue when people started coming outside and we asked them what concert it was and they said Eefje de Visser. Which lead to us trying to sing one of her songs but we soon realised we could not sing any bc her vibe is so...flowy haha. Added this to my playlist so i could at least sing one song of hers (also she's really good and my dad is a HUGE fan)

Uitzinnig / Froukje: Froukje's new album...what more can I say... But also this song really spoke to me bc on the surface it's about having an extravert personality but the intonation let's you know she's not having that much fun actually. (or that's my interpretation of it shshshsh)

The chain / Fleetwood Mac: shhshqhshdhs exposed as an ofmd fan. I knew this song b4 but it still slaps. Also the live versions on youtube...the divorce vibes give me chills

Crushing / Intergalactic Lovers: not my fave, I've often skipped but I needed to add a song from their new album bc some of their old songs hold so many childhood memories to me

Vol / Merol: "gesprek met jou is een monoloog" (conversation with you is a monologue) shshshsh feel so called out by this song. No but this song is so good (Vol = full <of yourself>) Also from her new album but she did sing a fragment of this live on our most popular quiz show last semester to promote herself (literally girlboss moment)

Don't Delete The Kissed / Wolf Alice: honestly this is such a good shuffle of my playlist right now damn. I think I heard the song before but I did get it of the Heartstopper soundtrack and literally listened to it every day during my exams. Sometimes 3 times in a row.

Lambada / Kaoma: sbhshdhshshs noooo why did i say this was a good shuffle. Explanation for this song: I'm a huge boring law student nerd. This song was an example in my intellectual property class. A European just straight up stole this when on a trip in Bolivia and then sold it in Europe. Because there was no international treaty at the time, there was no protection of intellectual property. Also if you listen to it you can hear another (Belgian) song that stole from this one.... Copyright-ception...

Figure Out / Tess van der Velde: ANNE+ soundtrack MY BELOVED. It's a dutch series on netflix about Amsterdam queer people. I loved it a lot it felt to small. Made for us, by us. We also did a queer cinema night of the movie and aaaghh just remembering it makes me feel warm...but also the english in this song does have a dutch accent and on some days i can not listen to it bc of that...:

Wave of Mutilation / Pixies: they have really good study songs for me idk what it is.

Zou bisou bisou / Gillian Hills: i hate this song. It's the worst. I keep it in this playlist to prank myself every time. Also my roommate kept singing it (completely off key) when she was happy and i wanted to save that moment b4 shit got worse again.

okay this was literally so much fun i should actually do ask games when i get tagged i love sharing information about myself sghshshq (i literally do not have 10 people to tag tho) (Anne if u want to tho..)

#ask game #froukje #merol

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cellotuba1 · 2 years

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Ten Of The Most Effective Virtual Games To Play With Your Loved Ones This Xmas

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#바카라사이트 #카지노사이트

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yinses · 4 years

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college au! headcanons

gojo satoru, geto suguru & nanami kento

rqst: college au for nanami, geto and gojo?

a/n: so i divided it into three categories to help keep my head straight. honestly almost straight kicked gojo out of college bc i couldn’t decide on a major for him. the jjk discord server is heaven sent for my sanity. ty everyone again 🌺

last time i should have to post these. hoping everything is fine now.

gojo satoru

MAJOR

—he starts off undecided for a long time. the fact that he’s on scholarship allows him to be more flexible with his classes given that he’s not responsible for costs. he grew up with expectations from his family but university is suppose to be his opportunity to spread his own wings and grow from his experiences.

—so he tries a bit of everything- sciences, music and social studies- anything to prompt a spark. (took a business class once and made a point to sit next to nanami everyday just to annoy him) by his second year he’s getting as frustrated as his counselor because if he doesn’t decide soon he’ll be a potential 5th year senior.

—he’s overthinking it but gojo wants to invest in what he believes will make the most significant impact to his ability. his counselor takes those crumbs and runs with it.

—he gets steered towards political science and actually excels at it (that advisor gets a raise). surprises most of the class with his analytical skills because they thought he was just a pretty boy- surprise he’s beautiful and smart.

—develops a vested interest in governmental policies. might run for president one day idk. brings donuts to his early am class. doesn’t share.

SOCIAL

—he’s not the jock per say, but as the star athlete of the basketball team, the school likes to take advantage of his image to draw in sponsors.

—his face is plastered all over the auditorium whether they’re in season or not. sometimes it’s not even to promote basketball, gojo is pretty and they’re not afraid to use it. which also makes him one of the most recognizable faces on campus.

—due to his student athlete contract, he’s not allowed to sign autographs freely in the event they’re attempted to be sold as quick cash. but yikes, he can barely walk to class without someone stopping him for a picture. to the best of his ability he tries to laugh it off, poster boy image and all, but it gets pretty fucking old and annoying quickly. especially when it makes him late for his next lesson and the instructor shows no sympathy.

—his height didn’t only help him get into basketball, but its also convenient when it comes to shouldering politely through the student masses. his golden rule is don’t make eye contact. the busier the crowds the easier it is for him to pretend like he could’t possibly have heard them.

—gojo doesnt scout fraternities, fraternities scout him. but he’s not interested in the slightest. as an athlete he already gets into any social circle he wants without the additional effort. that and he doesnt think he could tolerate an alpha male trying to exert his dominance without barking back.

—loves to show up to parties but always arrives late enough to the point where they don’t think he’s coming. it helps him slip in when he wants too. he’s a connoisseur of all alcohol varieties and a master of beer bong. he’s not necessarily the life of the party but his presence is kind of hard to miss.

RELATIONSHIPS

—he gets too much attention to date casually. most potential suitors are in it more for the benefits they receive than him anyway. he’s got enough on his plate with career indecisiveness and games to try to pursue anything serious before third year.

—he’s not completely celibate though. he tries to keep the same partners as long as he can. not only to keep himself clean and safe but because he often goes into an agreement to keep it casual. sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. either way he gets coined as a ‘heartbreaker’ before the end of his freshman year. frankly the rumors obscure most of the truth and give him more freedom. people always expect that he’s with someone even when he’s not, which helps keep his invasive teammates off his back.

—gojo can easily graduate without securing something tangible but there is still a window for potential.

—you’re both his consistent classmate and occasional friends with benefits. its the former title that keeps bringing him back around. he cant exactly avoid you without subjecting himself to 8am classes. it helps that the sex is good too.

—he can text you an offer to study together for the next test and roll over after an hour and wreck you for the rest of the week. its hard to tell who gets addicted first but he does appreciate the way your skin looks when youre wearing his marks.

geto suguru

MAJOR

—he’s a STEM kid, particularly interested in bio-genetics to improve overall health. he believes that simply becoming a physician just keeps the issue at bay and his goal is to eradicate the problem at its source.

—since high school he’s been cataloging different programs across the country before deciding what he wanted and putting all his efforts into it. so it’s no surprise when he gets in.

—geto doesn’t need counselors but they’re required so he listens to them prattle on about using university as an opportunity to explore. this man came in with more college credits than most sophomores, he knows what he wants.

—always on-time to class and never misses an assignment. also that kid who goes above and beyond, even on the simple stuff. he rarely gets teased about it, not even behind his back. geto straight up scares some people even when he’s smiling.

—not afraid to correct teachers when they’re wrong. in fact he lives for it.

—he’s the one who graduated early and starts his master’s program before most of his age group declare their own majors.

SOCIAL

—he tends to frequent the same circles- handpicking his acquaintances out of class rosters, clubs and honor lists. he’s less in it for the friendship and more so to scout for potential research partners.

—met gojo in one of his science electives and literally carried him through the class. they somehow end up friends but only really hang out at each other’s places- bunch of chill movie nights and pizza.

—there is no interest in fraternities, but he does join university funded clubs that allow him to further his research. they give him unique access to labs, take him on trips to different conventions and have an alumni list a kilometer long for future collaborations.

—the man does not party but he will occasionally slip into quieter bars to ease some of his frustrations. he actually enjoys karaoke thursdays , not to sing for himself but the drunken antics of others bring him some amusement.

—smokes weed occasionally, but only his own product. it helps him relaxand fan out the stress. he never sells it but sometimes gojo nicks some of his stash. given that he gets drug tested often, geto doesn’t know how the athlete never gets caught.

RELATIONSHIPS

—not interested in seeking out relationships in the slightest. the man has a plan and he’s already married to it.

—he’s not completely immune to sexual advances though and occasionally splurges but none of the friends with benefits crap. he’ll hit it once and stay celibate for the rest of the year easily.

—you might be able to squeeze in as his fellow lab partner. remain invested in the work and not him and he’ll start noticing the little details of your company- the way you subtle perfume lingers on his lab coat hours after you’ve adorned for the day, how he knows you have to keep your hair up for safety precautions but he thinks about running his fingers through it daily and your mind, damn, he wonders what else you can come up with when he has you laid out on his sheets.

—if he’s interested, geto won’t hesitate to broach the topic. he’ll ask you out for coffee and when you try to bring up research he’ll be upfront about his attraction. ultimately if you start dating the two of you are an absolute unit- not that you weren’t before.

—you’re the one variable he didn’t plan for but he’s glad to have added you to the equation.

nanami kento

MAJOR

—he was made for the business world, brought by a CEO who raised him to inherit the company. administration major marketing minor.

—takes initiative in all his classes and is often coined as group leader for projects. mostly keeps to himself and only speaks up when prompted or disagrees with something.

—he takes the earliest sessions possible because it means less people more often than not. doesn’t really care if its in the front, middle or back but always sits near the edge.

—doesn’t really want to but it looks good on his resume so he joins the marketing team where they present mock business plans for competitions. they win a lot. nanami honestly doesn’t care. but again it looks good.

—it only took him a brief summer internship to learn that he found nothing satisfying about board meetings and macro management.

—he decides to invest in law school to handle the company from a legal standpoint instead.

SOCIAL

— sort of like geto, only wants to make friends on a need be basis.

—he would rather keep to himself but knows the benefits of socializing so he interacts with his frequent classmates when he can- through study groups or car pooling to seminars.

—he does join a fraternity, its the same one his father did (and uncles, cousins, whatnot. its a generational thing). its geared towards bettering future leaders. they focus building resumes, charity events and run the organization like a proper business. nanami gets elected president by his third year and runs two terms.

—the only parties he attends are networking events- full of wine and fancy horderves. wine is plentiful but he’s always nursing a scotch on top of his headache. if one more person squeezes their stocks into a conversation he’s going to personally take down the whole market

—zero interest in college party life. spends some of his downtime at the campus theater watching old time movies and classic plays.

—he’s the coffee shop hoe. he wakes up early sometimes just to sit by the window and read some casual literature. has his own thermo that gives him free refills to cart to class. do not talk to this man before he’s had his caffeine.

RELATIONSHIP

—he probably has a high school sweetheart that he’s still clinging too, whether on the same campus or long distance. it helps him because he can’t really see himself pursuing a relationship while focusing on school.

—he’s been with you long enough that you understand his ambitions and won’t feel bested by them. the two of you have a system- starting the day off with sweet ‘good morning’ texts before class and ending the day with long conversations as you digest the last 12 hours.

—nanami is independent but he is thankful to have you to rely on when classes start to overwhelm him. the two of try to escape briefly for the weekend when you can. often going to near by reservations just to get off campus

—other times the two of you will cuddle close on your dorm bed, his long fingers combing through your hair while he reads over some notes for class.

—sometimes you have to be the one to tell him to take a break and to enjoy life while he can. even if that means dragging him the events and concerts hosted on campus. he resists at first but you can see the tension ebbing away as the night comes to a close.

—the two of you start living together in your senior year just because you can. he insists on buying a house. not only because he can afford it because it can be rented out after graduation. always the business man.

#gojo satoru #gojo x reader #geto suguru #geto x reader #nanami x reader #geto suguru x reader #Jujutsu Kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x reader #gojo blessings #gojo satoru x reader #geto blessings #nanami blessings

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61below · 2 years

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Wangxian AU thoughts after attending the symphony

Lan Qiren conductor

LXC principal violinist, LWJ right next to him, the Twin Jades. LWJ plays his mother’s violin

Nie Ningjue, the entire brass section tuba

Meng Yao formerly oboe, but never good enough to play professionally, now in administration (in this happy universe, JGS is in prison for life so MY never does go Full Villain, but he is still a terrifying cutthroat who’s responsible for making his this orchestra world famous, at all costs)

Nie Huaisang, played french horn through school because it was demanded of him, now in Media/Promotions (he is also responsible for the photoshoots where all the conductors are holding their batons as ‘wands’ a la Famous Witches and Wizards and oh boy I will let you just imagine how thrilled LQR was about that)

WWX, flautist BUT he’s also a doctoral student whose ultimate goal is to take over the children’s music program at Cloud Recesses Academy, and he can play any instrument proficiently. Violin? LWJ hates that. Trombone? NMJ hates that. Percussion? Everybody hates that. Just… musical genius squirrel on caffeine WWX. With children.

WWX is also responsible for starting the Live! At the Movies series, where they perform the soundtracks live while the movie plays behind them. LQR really hates that, so so much, but they’re some of orchestra’s most popular performances. (They collaborate with the corresponding professional choir for the 25th anniversary of the release of the LOTR and sell out so many shows that they need to add more)

WWX has a running list of increasingly ridiculous designs for Mahler’s Hammer, up to a Rube Goldberg machine starting from the first box involving sixteen different things including a tennis racket, nerf gun, bowling ball, and a small, indoor-safe firecracker, and he keeps trying to get approval to do them all

LWJ has a wardrobe filled with the standard black but he secretly hates it. He carries lint rollers like most people carry chapstick, bc otherwise he is constantly covered in white rabbit fur.

(So is WWX bc he’s always over, but he never remembers to use the lint roller, so he’s just always covered with rabbit fur anyway)

DRAPY VELVET SHIRTS WITH OSTRICH FEATHERS ON THE SLEEVE CUFFS. SO MANY BLACK SEQUINS. SHEER BLACK PANELS. BLACK SILK CHIFFON SO AIRY IT PRACTICALLY FLOATS WITH THE MOVEMENT OF EACH HAND.

WWX and LWJ constantly swapping concert clothes bc neither of them really know whose is whose any longer. Everyone thinks LWJ is the fashionista of the pair but really they both are. (Srsly, wwx doesn’t get nearly enough credit for being that Dedicated To Style). Also, everyone thinks they’re already married, but they just think they’re still platonic besties, while secretly pining but Respecting Each Others’ Boundaries so hard they think it’s tragically unrequited

MXY has dyed purple hair and wears as many dresses as suits, but he always wears the prettiest heels

Tbh I thought really long and hard about whether LQR would make a good conductor bc they HAVE to be expressive, but then I realized that actually yes it would be perfect, bc ALL the Lans would be like, stone walls normally (LXC better-capable of a friendly façade, but it IS still a brick wall). The ONLY way they express an Emotion(tm) is through music

There’s a crisis when the day before a sold out New Years Eve Gala performance, the famous opera singer who’s supposed to be their headliner can’t make it, so they’re forced to quickly adapt 1/3 of the whole the program. LWJ is tapped to perform his super secret compositions, but the only good thing to come from that is that as the headliner he can set aside the black outfit and get to play his one true instrument: his heirloom Lan clan guqin. He floats onto the stage in clouds of ice blue silk. But the pieces he has been preparing to publish just aren’t quite long enough, there’s still five minutes he’s being asked to fill, so in a desperate, last minute move to save the show, he agrees to play Wangxian. Since he’s never even written the music for that, and since the only other person who’s ever heard it is WWX, so they perform the duet.

They kiss for the first time during the intermission (and oh what a kiss) but they’re both forced to Get Their Shit Together in time to perform the second set. But yeah, after that? After that, they live happily ever after. LWJ becomes a famous composer and eventually takes over conducting from his uncle, WWX teaches children how to love playing music, and they adopt a-Yuan. There’s white rabbit fur on all of their clothes.

#wangxian #the untamed #this is my love letter to the Minnesota orchestra btw #mdzs fic #bullet fic #lan wangji’s microexpressions of mass destruction

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styleiswild · 3 years

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Interview with Beastie Boys for Machina magazine, 07/1998

By: Rafał Bryndal

Translation: Anna Bak ( @styleiswild )

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Introduction: The party called Beastie Boys in Lisbon went on for two days. On the first day we (the journalists) were invited to the magical “Kremlin” club to listen to the new album [Hello Nasty]. I don’t think I have to explain how I felt knowing that I was possibly one of the first Polish people to listen to that phenomenal record. On the second day each of us got to meet the band in Hotel Ritz during the so-called “round-table.” It’s like a private conversation with the artists. It looks a bit like a coffee party at your aunt’s. (…) The whole meeting was just as absurd, in a positive way. The answers they gave us were often ironic, as one could expect.

R.B.: Don’t you think that being Beastie Boys is way cooler than being any other band in the world?

MCA: Unfortunately, we haven’t tried being a different band yet. So I can’t really answer your question.

Mike D: To be honest, there’s something to it. Maybe because we have so much fun working together. It’s not always fun, of course. We do work from time to time, but only sometimes.

R.B.: It seems like you work on your albums for fun and pleasure exclusively?

Mike D: I think it’s because we don’t release them that often.

Ad-Rock: Yes… Yes, you must be right, man.

MCA: Hey, we’d released Ill Communication after a two year break.

R.B.: Yeah, but this one took you four years.

MCA: Yeah, we had to level it out. It takes us three years most of the time.

R.B.: You grew up together. Are you always on such good terms with one another?

MCA: Sometimes there’ll be tripartite fights. Not sure you’ve ever seen what it looks like when three people fight each other. Each of them against the other two. That happens sometimes. Rarely, though. To be honest, we don’t really argue much.

R.B.: Your new album seems a bit like a departure from The In Sound from Way Out!

Mike D: Hello Nasty is a collection of a dozen or so songs, each of them stylistically different. That’s why you can’t really compare it to our previous releases. I guess, though, that at least two of the songs would’ve worked well as instrumentals on the previous album.

R.B.: How do you deal with the new technologies in music?

Mike D: Technology is present in all genres today and you can’t run from that. Music evolves largely thanks to the new technology. Especially hip hop music. We do it like the true rappers do, which means we start with a drum machine, then we put it on a loop, and then we use digital delay system. That’s one of the newest inventions. Technology is unpredictable, because people – who are its creators – have no clue about what the artists can do with it.

R.B.: Is it true what they say on the internet? That this album is the first one of the three that you’ve recorded lately?

MCA: You’ve really heard about that?

Mike D: Gosh, you can’t keep anything secret today.

Ad-Rock: Three? To be honest, we’ve got many more albums recorded.

Mike D: The last one of the three is a country album. The genre is so popular that you can’t really keep such a record a secret anymore. Especially when you’re in Manhattan and you walk around in a cowboy fit, it’s suspicious as hell. Because there aren’t many cowboys in Manhattan. People see a guy in a cowboy fit and assume that he has to be working on a country album.

R.B.: Is it really so important for your clothes to fit the style of your music?

MCA: You identify with your music more when you dress up. People often cheat, they wear clothes that don’t fit the music they play.

R.B.: So what kind of clothes did you guys wear when working on Hello Nasty?

MCA: I wore a bat girl costume.

Ad-Rock: I dressed up as a scared woman.

Mike D: I’d wear a bathing suit, because I wanted to go swimming all the time.

Ad-Rock: We couldn’t really find what we were looking for at first. We tried on a range of fits and finally found those that went well with our music.

R.B.: You’ve been popular with skateboarders. It’s a group of people who wear unique clothes and listen to a lot of your music, as it seems. Do you identify with this subculture?

MCA: I don’t think it’s just that one subculture. There are a few more we’d like to identify with.

Mike D: For me it’s long gone. Skateboarding isn’t much of an extreme or exclusive kind of sports discipline anymore. It’s become very popular.

R.B.: You’ve worked with Lee “Scratch” Perry on the new album. Can you tell me what kind of benefits did that bring you?

Mike D: It’s hard to say, but we’ve always been pretty impressed with his work on dub music. He’s also inspired Mario Caldato, our studio engineer. For me, Lee is an artist of science, a living fucking legend.

R.B.: Do you think that you can inspire young musicians?

MCA: Sure, but that’s a normal thing, right? If music is evolving as a part of culture, then everything and everyone inspires that process. We’re happy that we can be a part of that culture to some degree.

R.B.: A lot of white kids have gotten into rap music thanks to “Rhymin’ & Stealin’.” At least that’s what happened to me…

MCA: As a white kid… Right, it’s hard to be a black kid in Finland.

Mike D: We discovered hip hop when we were thirteen or fourteen. We’d go and see Public Enemy and bands like that. We were totally enchanted. It’s not that weird that kids who listen to us want to do the same thing.

R.B.: Some people say that you don’t like it when other artists sample your music. Some say that you’re more liberal, though.

MCA: It all depends on how the sample is used. If it’s creative, then we’re here for it. But if they go and copy our own ideas, and the whole track revolves around that idea, then we’re obviously pissed off.

R.B.: Are you as satisfied with making music as you’re with your magazine and your record label?

MCA: It’s all really about creating something new, publishing the mag, recording albums or playing gigs… We’re really into humanitarian work, too. Sure, the music is the most important thing of all. Nobody knows where it comes from, it’s hard to define the process of making music. It comes from subconsciousness.

R.B.: I’ve heard that you were to make a movie based on your “Sabotage” video?

Mike D: Unfortunately, that’s not true.

MCA: It doesn’t change the fact that we’re planning to make a movie…

R.B.: About what?

MCA: You can actually watch it in the cinema already, because Spice Girls had stolen our screenplay and made it their own.

R.B.: In the 80s there were a lot of humanitarian aids, like benefit concerts during which quite a lot of money got lost for a very simple reason. Those actions were organized on such a grand scale that it was nearly impossible to control the funds. Aren’t you scared that the same thing can happen to your organization?

MCA: Free Tibet is there to help people find out about the issue and educate them on it. The money that we get helps us organize the Tibetan Freedom Concerts. It’s not like those other actions from the past that were strictly about collecting funds.

R.B.: Do you believe that the bands you invite to play consider the gigs something more than simply another type of self-promotion?

MCA: I feel that most of those artists are really moved by the issue we’re trying to bring to people’s attention.

R.B.: You’re fighting for free Tibet, while recently it’s been 50 years since the State of Israel was formed. And Palestinians are fighting for their rights to be respected. Why have you taken on Tibet and not Palestine?

MCA: Tibetans’ fight is based on the idea of non-violence. It’s a peaceful fight. The contrast between the brutality of the Chinese government and that quiet fight of Tibetans does make an impression, and that’s why we’re popularizing the ideas behind the Tibetan struggle. We believe that the non-violent, peaceful act is the only logical way of dealing with the issue.

R.B.: Even if the peaceful fight ends up leading to the extinction of Tibetan culture?

MCA: The same thing will happen if Tibetans decide to use violence as a means to gain their freedom.

R.B.: Is it true that your music is banned in Hong Kong?

MCA: That’s right. We can’t play there. Our albums can’t be sold on their market. All of the bands playing for Milarepa are banned from performing in China.

R.B.: You’ve met Dalai Lama on several occasions. Does he like your music?

MCA: Dalai Lama doesn’t listen to pop music at all. Lots of bands give him their CDs. He takes them because he doesn’t want them to feel bad, but he won’t give them a listen.

Ad-Rock: That’s why he stores so many demos at home.

R.B. What is Dalai Lama like?

MCA: He’s fantastic. He’s a great role model, representing all of the values people associate with Tibetan culture, with Buddhism. He’s got great charisma. He oozes calmness that comes from the respect he has for everyone.

R.B. What’s his opinion on Tibetan Freedom Concert?

MCA: He thinks it’s an excellent way of spreading his word. For him, the concert is a kind of holiday.

R.B.: As far as I know, you have a slightly different view on the future of Tibet. He wants to negotiate with the Chinese government about Tibet’s legal right to autonomy in China, while you fight for total freedom for Tibet as a sovereign country. Is that true?

MCA: It’s related to his view on the type of fight. He’s so scared of any form of violence that he’s ready to negotiate with the Chinese government. He’s choosing the lesser of two evils, that’s what he’s doing. We’re in a completely different situation, though. As American citizens, we want to speak with our government about freedom for Tibet. We believe that Tibetans should be free and we want to encourage the government to take action to help Tibetans gain autonomy.

R.B.: The “Sabotage” music video was unique and quite shocking. Are your new clips going to be equally as original?

Ad-Rock: It’s gonna be some good shit.

MCA: We had lots of fun working on it. The “Sabotage” video had a lot to do with the song, though. Our new clips won’t have anything to do with the songs. They can be treated as independent short features. We plan to make a couple more totally different clips.

R.B.: You’ve been a band for so long that you must be best friends and not only, let’s say, collaborators. Can you please describe one another?

Mike D: Adam Horovitz is, to use basketball terminology, the play maker. He shows us how we’re supposed to play because he’s the one in charge of the balls. Sometimes he can’t score from a distance, though. Adam Yauch, on the other hand, is a very unusual power forward. His style is completely devoid of aggression, unlike Karl Malone’s. Or Charles Barkley’s. He can dull his opponent’s vigilance with his slow moves and get all the points.

Ad-Rock: Mike is an idiot and a thief. Yauch is a liar. I’m as cool as James Bond.

Mike D: Some people might say that we’re CSC. Crazy Sexy Cool. And that’s what we wanna be.

R.B.: Can you explain your record cover? You’re in a tin and you look like sardines.

Mike D: Doesn’t it sound pretty? ��Sardine tin”? It’s almost like a big surprise. You open the tin and it turns out that people’s lives are similar to the life of sardines.

MCA: Maybe this album was recorded by sardines and you’re now talking to them? Who does know?

#beastie boys #mca #adam yauch #ad rock #adam horovitz #mike d #michael diamond #1998 #90s #hello nasty #hello nasty era #scans #interview #music interview #beastie boys interview #this is not an ‘official’ translation ofc #done it in my free time #my posts

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oneletterelliot · 3 years

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Hot Sauce (NCT Dream) - liveblog reaction

Disclaimer: I did listen to this album once through already, plus the previews and whatnot, so this is not quite a first impression reaction.

Hot Sauce - Is it just me or do the opening shouty vocals not sound like any of the dreamies? Chenle’s line. I was NOT ready for how low his voice was? It sounds so good. The mumbly nonsense bit sounds kinda like that one song that gets memed a bunch, doesn’t it? The vocal quality to Jeno’s rapping here really reminds me of how he sounded in “Misfit.” I think I like it. Lots of good harmony moments. Renjun’s voice is lovely as always. I’m digging his and Chenle’s harmonizing in the bridge. Haechan’s high note. Yes. I like the beat of this song. Definitely makes me want to dance. Mark going, “I’m the one!” I’m a fan. More “Hot Sauce” thoughts here.

Diggity - Okay, so based of the dreamverse (that’s what it’s called, right?) video, I said here that I didn’t love the song but I liked the choreography a lot. Not loving the song is holding up for now, but it definitely has the vibe of one of those NCT songs that I don’t originally care for but the more I listen to it, the more I like it (see also “Punch”). It is pretty catchy. Renjun’s voice is swaying me, I’ll admit. Also I do really like the instrumental. I think it’s the rap I’m not sold on (yet). Is that Jisung’s low voice at 2:49 underneath the higher harmonies? I’m kind of into it. God, I didn’t even watch the dreamverse video that much but I can so clearly picture the choreo while listening to this song, it’s that good.

Dive Into You - I love this opening arpeggio instrumental. Thinking about Jisung’s voice again. I always forget how much I it. I really like the chorus, nice harmony and fun melody. Renjun’s and Haechan’s ad libs (I think it’s them at least) make me happy. 2:07, Jisung’s voice again? (Edit: I looked it up and yes, of course, it’s Jisung. It’s just that for a second I thought it could be Chenle because...) Tbh my brain has been rattled by Chenle’s lower register he displayed in “Hot Sauce.” I want more of it. Is that Renjun who closes the song? Sounds good. (Edit: It’s CHENLE actually. Uh-oh, Renjun, look out, he might be coming for your crown as my favorite NCT Dream vocalist lmao.)

My Youth - This song sounds SO coming-of-age movie. Of course it’s called “My Youth.” I know I keep gushing about Renjun’s voice, but he always sounds so good holy shit. Jisung’s voice again! I guess I’m gonna keep gushing about him too. Oh, Mark, you sound amazing too. Whoever is rapping at the 2 minute mark (Jaemin?), the cadence of this bit really reminds of the “baby, it’s 4:35 / maybe I’m barely alive” part of Maroon 5’s “Girls Like You” lmao. Mashup, when? The “ooh-ooh-ooh”s over the chorus sound amazing. Oh my god, the harmony in the bridge is SO GOOD. My brain couldn’t even focus on thinking about which of the Dream vocal trio was singing it, but damn, it was so good. (Edit: According to the lyric video I looked it, it was Renjun/Chenle harmony I was reacting to, and then a Chenle/Jisung harmony! Jisung’s harmonies this album have been really nice!!)

Rocket - Funky start. Supremely makes me want to dance. I think this would be a cha cha, but there is something a little samba-y about the beat. I know I, like, haven’t said anything about the vocals—I do like them—I’m just enjoying this beat / instrumental so much. No thoughts, only vibing. Digging the vocal mixing of the chorus. I’m shoulder-dancing in my seat as I listen to this. “Yeah, yeah!” Strong contender for my favorite song off the album. Shit, maybe it is a samba? Man, it’s been so long since I’ve gotten to ballroom dance :(

Countdown (3, 2, 1) - Oh, what time is it? IS THAT CHENLE’S ICONIC DOLPHIN LAUGH UNDER MARK’S VOICE? Renjun’s voice here reminds me a bit of “Ridin’,” so you know I like it because I believe in Renjun “Ridin’” supremacy. This also might end up being a song that I don’t really like until I listen to it a several more times. You know that thing in the instrumental that sounds like “90s Love?” Yeah. Mark sounds good in this song. I bet this song samples something. Not clue what. But I just Feel™ it does. Haechan’s high note at the end of the bridge did not do it for me, sorry bud :( Oh, I guess I like Mark’s “tick tick tock” bit.

ANL - Intro feels VERY similar to “Dive Into You,” doesn’t it? Same kind of feeling with the arpeggios, yeah? Like “My Youth,” it would feel right at home in a coming-of-age movie. 1:12, did they just say, “Yeah, we can bang all day?” “YEAH, I GIVE IT TO YOU EVERY NIGHT” ?!?!?!?!?!??! IS THIS A SONG ABOUT SEX? IT SOUNDS LIKE IT MIGHT BE A SONG ABOUT SEX? (No comment on the fact that “ANL” looks like............. well, you know.) (Edit: So apparently it’s “we can PAINT all day,” but the other line is actually “I give it to you every night,” which is, hmm, well.) 1:51, is this Jaemin? I like it a surprisingly large amount. (Edit: Yes, it’s Jaemin. Is this the comeback that makes me fall in love with his rapping? Hmm.) This song also makes me want to dance, but in a different way than “Hot Sauce” or “Rocket.” RENJUN IN THE BRIDGE?! THE HARMONY?! VERY NICE HONESTLY. Is this Jisung after the bridge at 2:53? Wow, I really do like his voice, huh? (Edit: yes, it’s Jisung, so jk, Jaemin, the rapper I’m falling in love with this come back is him and not you.) The line “I want to be your sunshine, girl” makes me cringe. The type of English line they’d give to Johnny in an NCT 127 song.

Irreplaceable - This song is SO funky, and I love it. I’ve said before that Haechan’s voice isn’t my favorite (I acknowledge he’s a very good singer; the tonal quality of it just doesn’t appeal to me personally), but it does fit this song very well. Kind of has a Motown, Jackson 5 vibe, which I really dig. Another song that makes me want to dance. Another contender for — did Jaemin just say “climax” (1:31)? I’m sorry? (Edit: Look, I know that’s not an inherently sex-related word, and that’s obviously not how it’s being used here, but it’s just a funny word to be used for the one random English word in the middle of the song, you know?) — my favorite song off the album. “Yeah, we about to hug and kiss,” okay, Mark. I don’t know why, but I really want to do the “Touch” dance with the arms to this song?

Be There For You - It makes sense to put the ballad after the bop that was “Irreplaceable.” I haven’t really been following all the promotional material for this album, but this is a vocal trio unit song, right? It kind of reminds of “My Everything.” Like, there’s a range of type of NCT ballad, and I think this and “My Everything” fall into the same category. 1:22, god, Renjun, your voice is so good. (I know my favoritism is showing so hard but whatever, I don’t care. I love his voice.) I like the backing harmonies. Very soft. I probably won’t listen to this song much, simply because I don’t listen to ballads much (Chinese ballads notwithstanding) but I do like it.

Rainbow - Back to the coming-of-age vibes like in “Dive Into You” and “ANL.” I can’t decide if I like the similar vibes for cohesiveness of the album or if I dislike it because I think they’re too similar. Wow, this is really a “get your lighter and/or cellphone out and wave in the air” kind of song, huh. Rap at 1:40 (Jisung?), I like it. (Sorry, the title “Rainbow” is just reminding me of how I recently told my parents, “oh, I think this guy I went to high school with is queer because he has the rainbow flag emoji in his insta bio,” and my dad said, “maybe he just really likes colors.” PLEASE.) The harmonies are nice. Renjun’s ad libs towards the end (3:05-3:17 ish), yes. I like the song, it won’t be a favorite, but this is a nice note to end the album on.

Over all thoughts: It’s a good album. Really enjoyable and definitely feels cohesive. I love the mix of peppy, dancey energy and this kind of soft yearning coming-of-age feeling. It makes a lot of sense for NCT Dream’s first full album. Chenle and Jisung are both pleasantly surprising me, and I’m looking forward to seeing how their voices continue to develop in the future. (Side note: SM, please let Chenle sing in his lower register more! His high voice is lovely, but so is his low voice!) Favorite songs currently are “Rocket” and “Irreplaceable.”

#nct dream #hot sauce #nct #e liveblogs nct #e has thoughts

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elenamegan14 · 4 years

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Twisted Wonderland: Headcanons for Dorm Haunted Houses Pt.5 - Octavinelle

MASTERLIST

Part 4

Probably the longest headcanon one I had so far. LOL.

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TW: Slight dubcon elements and submechanophobia.

THE ATTRACTION:

This dorm’s haunted house is quite unique because it’s a mish-mash between a cruise ship and the jazz lounge hall from the Roaring 1920s. For some reason, after thorough research, Azul wanted to include ‘submechanophobia’ (fear of animatronics submerged in water) into the haunted dorm concept himself.

Azul went crazy with all the merchandise - there were T-Shirts, posters, the most adorable set of acrylic keychains! And the piece of resistance is a two-song single that he and the twins have recorded. It has a physical and digital release, of which the latter had 1,300,000 downloads in just one day.

The promos are crazy too. The way the staff had shot the commercial for the dorm’s haunted house is so cinematically professional that many were taught it was a real movie itself. Luckily, Azul also recorded the dorm’s theme. PS: They also did Pomefiore’s promo video too for a cut share of 15%.

Azul wanted to increase his clients on Monstro Lounge, but he cannot go easy on the student participants as well. He wanted to hear BOTH screams - so the treatment for the students in the survival game and the guests is going to be very different from another.

Regular guests will be scared in a standard manner: jumpscares from animatronics, a bit of gas blowing on their necks - NO TOUCHING AT ALL.

As for the students… well, they’re most likely to get attacked ALL THE TIME. Your name it: physical touches, animatronics dragging them to their ‘doom’, etc. That’s why the dorm made a contract clause to the participants warning them that there will be physical touching and a safe word is provided. Most participants did not read this except for a few. Like MC and Jack. Unless they purchased his charms.

Yes, the octopus capitalist had created their own charms that worked only for this haunted house ONLY. It protects students from the monsters, well MOSTLY.

Perhaps because he was attached to the band he, Floyd, and Jade once made back in middle school, he wanted to include the entertainment aspect as well, perhaps for nostalgic sake. Plus, he did it because he knew people would pay money to see hot idol guys singing jazz songs. Of course, he did, why do you doubt him so?

“Do instruments of torture count?” Floyd asked during the first band meeting. Azul quickly dismissed it. And no, mayonnaise is definitely NOT a musical instrument.

When guests and student participants arrived in the dorm’s haunted house, they were lured into an abandoned pier. During the walk in the eerie, fog-infested docks, guests could see some posters of missing people, old posters of a cruise ship trip promotion, a poster featuring the Octavinelle band in old-timey fashion and old news articles about a tragic malfunctioning animatronic accident.

As they approached closer, they could hear several jazz songs, including electro swings coming from somewhere. Guests also noticed some abandoned, dilapidated animatronics that was missing some parts, giving it a frightening outlook. What really unsettles them most are writings on the wall that are written either in blood or blacks markers: “TURN BACK!” “WATCH OUT!” “STAY AWAY FROM THE CRUISE SHIP!”

They arrived at their destination: a large cruise ship was waiting on them. On the entrance, the dorm staff sold their merchandise and charms to the students themselves. Already traumatized by the two previous haunted houses, most students hurriedly buy the charm itself. Grimm wanted one because there is no way he would want to be “attacked” again, but Deuce managed to stop him from buying an ‘unnecessary’ object (“Unnecessary my foot! We’re talking about the benefit of humanity here!”).

Ace secretly buys one. “There’s not wrong with being prepared!” He whispered to himself.

Entering the den of the beast, they went inside a lavish foyer area that is reminiscent of a scene in titanic. Chandeliers, art deco furniture, and art, as well as posters of the animatronic bands, were shown in meticulous detail.

They were then seated at a wide, spacious restaurant theater area. The staff hyped the audience by asking them to sing a few lines from Azul’s song, before introducing Azul’s band like in a jazz concert.

They began the pre-show in a unique way. Azul is a showstopper mysterious owner and headline singer for “Monstro Lounge”, the cruise ship that is rumored to have a multitude of people missing. Floyd and Jade are his lackeys with the same headline as well.

Azul charms the audience with a siren-like voice, putting the audience into his trance. For some reason, the Octavinelle trio tends to direct their gazes, winks, and fanservice towards MC the most. It then evolved into a Broadway show-stopping number.

The way Azul plays his piano is started off slow, increasing his tempo and so does his seduction and flamboyance. He makes an expression that one could mistake as a man experienced in the bedroom.

Floyd goes crazy with his drums. Meanwhile, Jade plays his contrabass with grace and elegance, fingers touching it lightly but spicy.

Many female clientele almost had a nosebleed... or this close to fainting.

AZUL UNBUTTONED HIS SHIRT TEASINGLY DURING HIS NUMBER. They’re starting to lose it.

Oh, the fan’s screams actually racked up their scream counter. There’s no cheating here - who says that happy screams can’t count?

Yes, Azul does sing on top of the piano.

After they finished their show, Azul then unleashed one of his proudest creations, an animatronic of a lovely mermaid doll that began to sing like an angel. Then, with a snap of fingers, he unleashed a multitude of doll-like merpeople animatronics that looked strangely alive as her accompanying orchestra, playing a haunting, eerie song.

During the middle of the show, one of Octavinelle’s actors came to the stage, shouting about his “long-lost daughter”, followed by a couple more people. Despite the actor playing as security told him to go back to his seat, the father ignored him and embraced the mermaid doll animatronic - his daughter.

In his “rant”, he cursed the Octavinelle trio of deliberately hiding his daughter for three years and turned her into this “monstrosity”. He then declared that he will rescue his daughter from this “vile place‘, unaware that the Octavinelle trio had placed knowing smirks and grins on their face. Begging for his “daughter” to recognize him, the mermaid doll slowly gazed upon her “father”...

...and “tore” his neck apart. Fake blood spewing everywhere, his screams reverberated through the dance hall.

All of the animatronics came alive and started to gruesomely murdered the intruders as well.

“Well, this escalated quickly.” Ace muttered at the disturbing sight.

A guest suddenly screamed - the area is suddenly filled with water, causing the guests and student participants to hurriedly run to the prepared exit.

The students have enchanted some parts of the aquarium walls where merpeople students could appear in and out of the aquarium water on the wall without spilling the water everywhere. So guests and students participants were often surprised by sudden appearances of the tweels, Azul, animatronics, and staff splashing out of the wall from nowhere. There had been many who claimed to have a heart attack from these encounters.

As they run through the aquarium walls, the guests and students are spooked with various animatronics of mutated sea creatures, merpeople, and even a FREAKING shark animatronic that chases them around persistently. They appear at random times, and their designs would surely put submechanophobia (fear of underwater animatronics) into their very souls.

As they moved on further, they entered Azul’s office and workshop - where gory remains of the missing people experimented into animatronics were seen. Horrid screams and desperate shrieks rang all the way - some were even trapped halfway into the animatronic itself.

Azul had two forms for this haunted house dorm: the first is his regular jazz-lounge entertainer animatronic suit with art deco and aquatic elements. The next form is almost the same except his animatronic parts are more revealed, some parts of his clothes tattered and his tentacles are fully shown. Some guests and students secretly yearned to be trapped inside his “tentacles”.

“Fu, fu, fu… come. Let me squeeze you, let me touch your flesh...” “Yes, please.” A guest squeaked, face flushing red.

The tweels have the same elements as Azul did in their costume, except they’re identical and much more muted than Azul did. Their second forms are their merforms, but with faded mechanical parts and some fresh BLOOD on their teeth and torso...

The final stage and centerpiece of their haunted house is what Azul is most proud of. Thrown again into a twisted version of the animatronic warehouse with aquatic background, the now revealed “animatronic” Azul hypnotized the whole audience with his siren-like singing on a small stage, beckoning several guests into the sweet embrace of his tentacles. Fun fact: most students and guests could not resist the temptation and got ‘squished to death’ instead. Yep, no subcontext here at all.

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THE MISSION:

The students and the guests are separated into different groups, with a glass aquarium wall to divide them.

The guide relayed the charm mission to them: this cruise ship is infamous for having animatronics and automatons to serve and entertain their guests. But many years ago, there was an incident where an animatronic, fed up with being abused by a spoiled heiress on her sweet sixteen birthday, mauled her and nearly drowned her in the aquarium.

Their mission is quite simple: get the charm inside Azul’s office then get out of cruise ship “ALIVE”. They were told that they have three chances to find it inside the office itself, or else they would be “eliminated” and had to start all over again.

But first, they must survive his “show” to get to his office. The students were a bit confused at this part until later.

During the show, they soon learn why they were separated from the guests with a glass wall.

While the guest audience’s part is flooded with a small bit of water, the student's parts were unleashed with a torrential burst of water that they have to run to. Everyone (who is on the student side) by the end of this segment is wet from head to toe.

“Damn you, Azul! Once I get out of here, I’ll fry your tentacles!” Grimm growled, drying his soppy fur using his fire magic.

Octavinelle’s challenge is 90% of Patrick Star’s “WEE WOO WEE WOO” moments. 10% of it is just trying to survive.

The animatronics hissed, jumped, and even grabbed them at random times, which puts the NRC students into a looooot of stress since it attacked them more than once!

Oh, yes, and the mechanical shark will burst out of the “wall” when you least expect it.

“WHAT THE HECK IS WITH THIS HAUNTED HOUSE?! THIS IS VERY UNREASONABLE!” Cried one student before a mechanical shark got him.

But the ones who purchased Octavinelle’s charm walked in smoothly - the animatronics did not attack them directly, the staff stayed out of their way - all is good and right in the world...

Spoiler alert: Did they say that the charm protects them? Of course, it did… EXCEPT AGAINST AZUL AND THE TWEELS.

Yup, Ace learned the hard way when Jade came out of nowhere and tried to drag him inside the aquarium water. The screams that Ace had bellowed does not do justice to how fast he runs.

“YOU SAID THIS CHARM WOULD PROTECT US!”

Epel read the terms and agreement again, “Oh, whoops. It also says here, that the charm doesn’t guarantee to protect you against Azul, Floyd, and Jade. Should have read it thoroughly.”

“I can’t read while I’m getting chased!”

FLOYD DOES MOST OF THE DAMAGES. Physically and emotionally.

He first started by licking Ace’s face. Who knew that eel’s tongue is long.(“Nooooo! I feel so physically violated!” Ace ran to the corner and sobbed.)

Epel had a heart attack when he felt someone smacked his ass. As does Deuce. Then Jack (his tail got roughly grabbed as well).

Jack screamed out all the safe words. Deuce and Epel shouted all kinds of colorful swear words they could ever know, even the foreign ones.

MC’s ass received the same treatment, but they also received an additional playful grope. And then Floyd licked them. MC was screaming and flustered at the same time.

“Shrimp-chan is cute when startled!” He cooed before he splashed back to the water.

There were a LOT of complaints after this event this over, particularly threats of suing Azul for inappropriate sexual harassment. But then the staff asked if they all read the terms and agreements. They all went silent and got on with the next haunted house challenge.

MC’s group tried to murder Floyd by chasing him down underwater, but they realized that getting inside the water would actually disqualify them. They all promised DEATH upon the Octavinelle trio for putting them into this mess and extorting them out of their money.

Now there was one this brutal and competitive student who wanted to get the charms himself. So he kinda lures MC using the infamous “Wounded Gazelle Gambit” trick. In MC’s defense, the act was kinda convincing for a student.

They were not prepared to be chained up and kicked outside to the water, leaving them to drown after they got frisked by that said student for the charms. “In this world, only the mighty wins!”

For a while, MC is left trying to hold their breath while desperately trying to free themselves from the heavy chains. Just as their oxygen almost ran out, Jade managed to see MC struggling underwater. He managed to get Houdini MC out of the water, asking if they’re okay and who actually did this to them. While MC struggled to answer, refusing special treatment, MC decided to get back into the game and get the charms back.

Jade also decided to deal with the violent troublemaker as well, and he just knew what to do with the mechanical shark that he controlled.

To get to the office, the students went to another path, carrying them to a room filled with water and several large pieces of ice. They had to carefully cross through the thin layers of ice amongst the water. There was a mechanical shark circling around, sniffing for its late-night snack.

Already five students fell victim to it.

The ice is slippery, MC’s group is struggling to stay afloat and they do not see MC anywhere.

Epel does spot a student cackling as he carries two familiar charms.

“What have you done to them?!” Ace growled.

“Oh, I guess I made them sleep with the fishes.”

Deuce’s inner delinquent is awakened. He roared and attacked that said student, attempting to avenge poor MC. There was pulling, tugging and pinching.

Just as that competitive student got the upper-hand to Deuce… well, surprise, surprise, guess who’s back, back again.

“HISASHIBURI-DANNA, BITCH. BET YOU’D THOUGHT YOU’VE SEEN THE LAST OF ME.” MC, wet from head to toe, raised their fist, punching that said student and causing that student to release the charms. Deuce quickly grabbed them both before they lost it again, then gave an additional uppercut to that said student. The competitive student staggered backward...

...and then the mechanical shark jumped out of nowhere from the water and dragged the student into their watery doom (kidding: that jerk student got thrown out of the cruise instead. INTO THE TRASH BIN).

The remaining students reached the front of the office, but they could not open the door. Turns out, Azul had enchanted the door so that it can only be opened by using one, particular, embarrassing pose. Oh, and they have to cry out the written words as well.

“The complete flame in our chests shall not be extinguished by anyone! We are… THE PHOENIX!” They all pose like a phoenix. Once it’s done, there isn't any student that collapses out of sheer humiliation.

The Octavinelle Trio secretly recorded it. Either for blackmail or marketing purposes, take your pick.

Once they were inside the office, they were given a riddle and three chances to find it: I am violet, I sing in a limited voice and I am trapped. Find the key inside me.

At first, they thought it was a musical instrument - but there aren’t any musical instruments that colored purple - unless someone dyes it. Also, they cannot find anything remotely similar to a musical instrument. They finally narrowed down to a purple scorebook, a purple-colored radio and… a music box.

They decided to select a music box... and voila! The charm is found! It’s a good thing they got enough to share on their brain cells, eh?

The last challenge after getting the charm is to escape from the cruise itself - but they have to go through Azul to do exactly that! Yup, they have to resist Azul’s hypnotic singing, struggling to escape straight to the exit. Because of Jack’s sensitive ears, he had repeatedly tried to walk straight to Azul, only for Epel to knock him out for a good measure and carried Jack around like he was nothing but a potato sack.

MC nearly succumbed to hypnotism but Grimm managed to snap them out of it by slapping them repeatedly.

Azul sighed, “And here I was thinking I could get a chance to get close to you than Floyd did.”

Yep, they definitely did not waste any chances of getting out of here before Azul starts singing again.

The Octavinelle Dorm staff is considerate enough to give the students wet towels and a warm drink to keep the students from getting cold. Meanwhile, Ace, Epel, and Deuce joined in the protest about the inappropriate misconduct before they unleashed their rage on the nearby prepared dummies after being told that their contract’s terms and conditions had warned them that there will be touching and the staff is not responsible for it.

Perhaps getting wet is a good thing because the fiery presence of Scarabia’s haunted house might be able to keep the cold away...

Part 6

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infinitecrime · 4 years

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Okay I got a few asks like this so I'm making the "why Seb is actually making good role choices contrary to fandom opinion" post I've been meaning to make for a while. Buckle up.

It seems that anything that isn't an extremely high budget high quality Marvel-esque film that gets a huge amount of attention and makes billions is a flop to a good proportion of this fandom, and results in the typical "get a new agent, pick better roles" chorus. People need to understand that those roles are one in a million, and even if he were being offered them, why would he take them? Marvel is his bread and butter, he's got a solid character, money, fame and contacts from it. Now he can use that as a base to do what he wants: challenge himself, work with specific actors/directors, play complex characters in complex stories, try improvisation and new things, stretch his range. He doesn't need, or seem to want, to do the blockbuster franchise thing again. If he wanted a DC character I'm sure he could get one, but why would he?

The roles where you can actually sink your teeth into it and act instead of phoning it in and getting a paycheck are, most often, character driven indie movies. I don't think he's particularly driven by the promise of box office success - if he was, he wouldn't sign so many movies without a distributor in the wings. He could have gone the route of many other Marvel actors - animated movies, live action versions of Disney movies, reboots of classic action/sci-fi/comedy movies. I firmly believe, especially at the height of TWS/Civil War hype, he got plenty of offers like that, and he would probably be much richer and more famous if he had taken them. But to me, he is very clearly motivated by a love of acting, not a love of money and fame (although I'm sure at least the first is a nice bonus). He's taking these roles because they're the ones he wants to take and the ones that make him happy.

That's why the "get a better agent" chorus annoys me so much. Mostly it's frustrating that teenagers think they know better than major Hollywood agents and agency who do this for a living, but also because those fans want his career to progress the way they want it to, not the way he wants it to, and they aren't really bothered about whether or not he's actually enjoying himself or doing what he loves, as long as they get another Bucky-like character in another MCU-like franchise.

If what the fandom wants is for him to win an Oscar, then he's going about it the right way, actually - an esteemed director is more likely to look favourably on even a character-driven flop like Endings, Beginnings than a commercially successful reboot like Jumanji because it's about the character, story and performance, not the money it made or how many t-shirts it sold. Besides, too many box-office-hit-but-ultimately-soulless action movies mean directors and awards stop taking you seriously and you'll struggle to ever move out of that niche, a problem Chris Hemsworth and to some extent Evans have come across in recent years. You only have to look at the disdain Scorcsese and others have for Marvel movies to know that more blockbusters aren't going to endear Seb to that part of Hollywood. Commercial success/fame and acting success are two different things; he wants to be more Jack Nicholson than Jack Black.

If you look at his IMDb for the last few years where he's had enough star power to be a little more picky with his roles, he's got comedy, he's got drama, he's leading alongside Oscar winning actors and actresses, he's working with critically acclaimed directors, he's pushing himself out of his comfort zone, he's turning in stellar performances. Nothing there is a cash grab, nothing has him phoning it in, and he's had good reviews for his performances even if the movie hasn't made waves. Like many of the narratives that surround Seb, the one where he is trapped with awful agents and constantly churning out shitty movies that won't help his career is a complete fabrication.

We all want him to succeed but I don't think immediately shitting on all his choices and telling him to prioritise box office success over his actual enjoyment of his job and fulfilment of his goals in life is the way forward. And when a movie does turn out bad, it's ridiculous to act like he or his agent should have known from the jump, especially when the director and cast are as acclaimed as E,B's was. Ensuring box office success and a coherent film is the job of the director, producer, promoters etc. Seb's job starts and ends with acting in a role - so he should choose the roles that allow him to do that in the most interesting way possible, and so long as he's not on the breadline and is able to keep his star rising enough to secure the roles he want, then he and his team are doing their job perfectly, and it's only up from here.

#sebastian stan #one of the top three most frustrating things sebnation does imo #is instantly belittling his choices and acting like they know better #or that he should have known a movie would not break the box office from the script alone #or that he should even care about that

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undiscovered-horror-icon · 4 years

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SlipKnot Members [Part Two]

[All of this info was copied form the archive of this blog on Skyrock.com circa 2009 -2010: User: maggot777 on Skyrock. com ]

[I’m just sharing it and take no credit]

[This post will include the current members, circa 2010]

Name: Sidney George Wilson Position: DJ N ° 0 Nickname: Monkeyboy or Ratboy Born March 15, 1978, Sid is the youngest of the group and by far the craziest. His scenic escapades helped to build the reputation of SlipKnoT in its early days. Since the European tour where he accidentally injured a fan during the concert in London, he has calmed down somewhat. Although with British origins, Sid is American and was born in Des Moines. Passionate about music, he creates a posse of Djs called Sound Proof Coalition. It is thanks to this posse that he will meet the group during Dotfest in 1998. “I don't know why, but this skinny dude with his red T-shirt and green shorts caught my eye that day. And then it must be said that a guy who listens to punk while scratching on hip-hop is not common, ”Shawn declared. Six months later, Sid will go to the Hairy Mary Club to see the band in concert. That night Shawn jumps into the audience and comes face to face with Sid. From this impromptu meeting was born the friendly rivalry between them, the goal being to knock out the other during the concert. For the record, this is the only time Sid has beaten Shawn. After this concert, Sid will meet SlipKnoT and tell them that he wants to be part of the group. The legend says that Shawn will not think more than ten seconds before saying yes, estimating the man enough barjo to join the group. Since then, Sid has been a mainstay of the band, justifying his presence with samples and scratches on many tracks, he's also working on a more personal project for which he took over his DJ name Starscream and released a solo album called Full Metal Scratch It in reference to the movie Full Metal Jacket. The album announced for 2001 did not actually see the light of day until 2004 following a number of problems with the label that was to release the CD. In the end, it was N2O that played the role of distributing the CD containing most of the samples that Sid uses in SlipKnoT as well as in various other projects. He also collaborates with Ampt, a band from New Jersey that he joined as a DJ.

Name: Nathan Jonas '' Joey '' Jordison Position: Drums N ° 1 Nickname: Speedball Born April 26, 1975 at the Mercy Hospital in Des Moines, Joey spent all his childhood and adolescence in the small town of Yankee, located fifteen kilometers from Des Moines. Very introverted because of his small size (1.60 m), Joey has often served as a pain reliever for his classmates, but he knew deep down that one day he would prove to them that he was better. than them. Arrived in high school, he is deeply into Kiss and Black Sabbath and decides to start a group; he held the position of guitarist there. The guitar has always been his passion and he plays it whenever he can. However, the pitiful level of the drummer in his group pushes him to get behind the barrels. He finished his studies in high school and decided to get into music. One of his groups (Modifious, of which Paul and Craig were part) has had some success but not enough to make a living from it. There is a job at a gas station. Working at night, he occupies his days rehearsing with the group. One evening, his best friend comes to see him with a certain Corey Taylor. Corey doesn't make a good impression on him and the evening ends with a sentence to his friend about Corey (who is red-haired and had long hair at the time): "Bring Dave Mustaine (singer-guitarist of Megadeath) to to treat, it is too serious this guy. " Some time later, he will be contacted by Paul to join an even more obscure called SlipKnoT group. Outside of the group, Joey is involved in various side projects, the most successful of which is Murderdolls, a punk / glam band in which he is a guitarist and with whom he released an album. one owes the magnificent tribal S and as well as the logo of the group. SlipKnoT's capital K is due to the fact that at the time he drew it Joey was a mega-fan of Korn.

Name: Paul Dedrick Gray Position: bass, vocal backing N ° 2 Nickname: Porky or Balls Born April 8, 1972, Paul is the only member of SlipKnoT who is not originally from Des Moines. Born in Los Angeles, he followed his family when they moved to Iowa. Paul is one of the creators of the group along with Shawn. Very discreet and yet very influential, he played with Joey in Anal Of Blast and in various other groups before creating SlipKnoT. He had moved back to Los Angeles when Shawn asked him to come back one evening because he had an extra project he couldn't miss. He died at the age of 38 on May 24, 2010 of an overdose.

Name: Chris Fhen Position: percussion, vocal backing N ° 3 Nickname: Pornochio or Mr Piklenose Born February 24, 1972 in Des Moines, Chris is the little comic of the group. Always playing the puppet, he does everything to be noticed and is happy to go on stage. Chris is one of the last to join SlipKnoT. He joined the group after Brandon left and his integration was not without difficulty ... for him. Shawn called him in for a rehearsal in which he had to prove himself. After two hours of playing, the group reunites in the garden while Chris, alone at the other end, paces. After letting him run around in circles for thirty minutes, Shawn finally waved him over and said, "Sorry man, you're not up to par." Annoyed, Chris lowered his nose and said, "Okay, it's okay guys," turning on his heels. This is the moment that Joey chooses to say to him, “We're kidding, man! », Before bursting out laughing with the rest of the group. But that was just a little taste of what to expect. He's the one we hear vomiting on the hidden SlipKnoT track while Paul laughs beside him. This memorable streak was actually Chris' initiation into the "SlipKnoT spirit", the others having forced him to watch a hardcore movie. Chris played an important role in the recording and mixing of SlipKnoT. He helped Ross Robinson and Joey with the post-production work. Ross Robinson says of him, “Chris is a great guy. He really has his heart set on his feet. "

Name: James Root Position: guitar N ° 4 Nickname: The Peach Born October 2, 1971, James (or Jim) is the giant of the group, dominating the situation of his 1.90 m. He joined the group at the end of the recording of SlipKnoT as a starting point for the previous guitarist, Josh. Prior to being a part of SlipKnoT, James was playing in Atomic Opera and Deadfront with which he released an album and was about to record another when Joey called on him. The latter explains: “James was one of the best guitarists in Des Moines. With Atomic Opera, they were by far the leaders of the Iowa metal scene. And then I knew the guy, he had the job profile. He also stars in Stone Sour.

Name: Craig Jones Position: sample N ° 5 Nickname: 133 mhz (we nickname him like that because he's crazy about machines and 133 times 5 plus 1 equals 666) Born February 11, 1973, “This guy is definitely the most crossed out of the nine. He never says anything and that's what gives me the fuck. It is there and yet we forget it. Having said that, it's better if he doesn't say anything. The only time he opened it we had nothing but shit. This is how Craig is described by Ross Robinson. This is hardly flattering but nevertheless very true: Craig is the “ghost” of the group, always the last to arrive on stage and the first to leave. He joined SlipKnoT as a guitarist to replace Donnie Steele. He will prove himself during the recording of Mate.Feed.Kill.Repeat .. He also contributed to the ambiences with his samples, which really impressed Shawn in addition to his performance on the guitar. Seeing his mad passion for machines and computers, Joey and Shawn decided to promote him and integrate him full time into SlipKnoT. In three weeks, Craig went from replacement guitarist to official sampler of the band.

Name: Shawn Michael Crahan Position: percussion, vocal backing N ° 6 Nickname: Clown or Kong Born September 24, 1969, Shawn is at the same time the leader, the pillar and the dean of the group. SlipKnoT is her baby. It was he who chose who would be part of the adventure and that from the start. Before joining SlipKnoT, he set up various groups which were only successful with critics. Unable to live on his music, he then manages with the means on board. He was first hired as a welder (this experience would later be used for the creation of drum-kits). The savings he made enabled him to buy the Hairy Mary Club, a bar in Des Moines called to become the SlipKnoT's lair for a few years. As a wise businessman, he will regularly organize metal evenings in his club and the Saturday night concerts will quickly become an institution in Des Moines for any metal and rock fan. It is during this period that SlipKnoT is formed. The future members of the group all hanging out regularly in the club, convincing them to play together will not be very difficult. Next is the recording of Mate.Feed.Kill.Repeat. Which costs Shawn all his savings and pushes him into heavy debt. He sells the Hairy Mary Club to repay his debts, before the scale gained by SlipKnoT allows him little by little to live on music. The Hairy Mary Club having been sold, the group had no room to rehearse, and it was only natural that Shawn put his family to contribution: SlipKnoT invests in his parents' cellar. They spent almost two years there, Ross Robinson came to see them rehearse before signing them on his label. It was also in his parents' garage that the photo was taken that served as the cover for SlipKnoT (album). Married with four children, Shawn is a very cultured person; he adores Cézanne and Picasso, which contrasts quite a bit with the image of the slightly psychotic Clown that we see at concerts (I confirm). He also likes to philosophize about life around a bottle of wine, which makes tell Corey, “Shawn is a very smart guy, even if you don't always understand what he's saying. "

Name: Michael Thompson Position: guitar No. 7 Nickname: Log Born November 3, 1973, Mick spent his childhood in Des Moines. Big fan of music, his tastes range from Jimi Hendrix to the Beatles through Morbid Angel and Deicide. He joined a group for the first time at the age of sixteen. Subsequently, he is part of various formations with the future members of SlipKnoT, but seeing that it is hard to make a living, he decides to give guitar lessons. It was then that one evening, taking advantage of Donnie's departure, Paul called him and asked him to join SlipKnoT. “I was really pissed off at that time. When Paul called me I jumped at the chance, ”says Mick to explain his arrival in the group. Outside the group, Mick is a very discreet person; he describes himself as a person who likes to live at night.

Name: Corey Taylor Position: Vocals N ° 8 Nickname: Faith or The Sickness Born December 8, 1973, Corey is in a way the guru of the maggots. His singing, his tone of voice and his charisma (I also confirm) make him a unique singer in the metal scene. Corey initially wanted to be a drummer but decided to write songs after listening to Screaming Life by Soundgarden and Bleach by Nirvana. Born of an unknown father, (but now we know who he is) he lived for a long time with his mother and his sister, traveling the North-East of the USA and sometimes (even often) finding himself homeless to sleep. Completely addicted to cocaine from the age of fifteen, he overdoses twice. The second made him realize the fragility of life and he went to settle in Ohio with his grandmother, to be far from his bad company. It was there that he developed a taste for music thanks to his grandmother's record who listened to rock 'n' roll and in particular Elvis Presley, of whom he became a very big fan. At eighteen, he chose to take his independence and return to the roads to finally return to his hometown of Des Moines. There, he assembles the group Stone Sour, with which he begins to record some titles. On several occasions, his path crosses the path of the members of SlipKnoT. And it is finally after a Stone Sour concert that Corey sees Joey, Mick and Shawn unload in the sex shop where he works. Corey sums it up in a few words: “Basically, they told me that if I didn't join their group they would give me my birthday. I admit I hesitated a little but finally I said to myself that it was the right choice for me. " Corey is very involved in songwriting; his difficult childhood is a source of inspiration for him. However, he refuses to talk too much about it. In early 2004, he married Scarlet, his long-time fiancée, with whom he had a son, eighteen months earlier.

[Might do a part three on new guys, maybe]

[feel free to leave corrections in the replies]

#slipknot #slipknot members #sid wilson #joey jordison #paul gray #chris fehn #jim root #craig jones #shawn crahan #mick thomson #corey taylor #Micky is a fuck Log ammirght lads?

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jaywrites101 · 3 years

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Five-Star Reviews Suck (And they blame you for doing reviews wrong.)

Tonight on Thoughts that Keep Me Awake in Existential Horror, Amazon and Google's rating systems are killing your puppies.

As someone whose job is to review various creative projects and work with creators to improve them, I can say with absolute certainty that no one should ever review things unless it is their job. Now, I could very easily write an entire essay twice the size of this one to back that claim up, but tonight I have an even bigger fish to fry. So if you take affront to that claim, stick around; I'll get to it eventually.

No, tonight I'm breaking down the Five-Star Review. What it is, what it means, why EVERYONE is using it wrong, and how the companies who implement these rating systems blame you for its failings.

Let's start with what the Five-Star review is. And the most important fact to know going in is that Five-Star Restaurants are a globally recognized symbol of excellence, and the companies asking you to leave Five-Star Reviews deliberately want you to mix these two up. They want you, the reader/consumer to think:

Five Stars = Unrivaled excellence.

But that's not what the Five-Star Review is. At its most basic, the Five-Star Review is one of those questions you see all the time in surveys where you pick one of five:

[Strongly Disagree] [Disagree] [Neutral] [Agree] [Strongly Agree]

They do this for two reasons. 1) This system is simple and anyone can understand it. 2) If you take the average of 100 reviews, you get a number that feels predictive. More on that later.

This system is not a review. It is a rating. And it is also officially called a review. But, and I cannot stress this enough, it is not a review!

A Review is a system in which one person breaks down the product or service they have used and provides targeted feedback to the creator or fellow users about the pros and cons of this product or service.

Literal Definition according to Google:

a formal assessment or examination of something with the possibility or intention of instituting change if necessary. a critical appraisal of a book, play, movie, exhibition, etc., published in a newspaper or magazine

A Rating is a generalized statement about a product or service to determine if said product or service is adequate for its promotion.

Literal Definition according to Google:

a classification or ranking of someone or something based on a comparative assessment of their quality, standard, or performance. the value of a property or condition that is claimed to be standard, optimal, or limiting for a substance, material, or item of equipment.

One of these things is to provide a flexible analysis, the other is to determine the value of a thing.

Companies want YOU to treat the Five-Star Review as a review. But internally they treat the Five-Star Review as a rating.

So why does this matter? So the two biggest companies on Earth got the definitions of Review and Rating mixed up, big deal, right? There's certainly no possible way this affects your life. Right??? Keep reading, they didn't get these definitions mixed up. They mixed it up deliberately. And they do this as a measure to screw every body out of every thing.

Once again, this comes back to you, the consumer. You see a Five-Star Review and it leaves you with opinions. Even though the "Review" is not actually telling you anything of value. Experts comment on this all the time. Five categories are just too narrow of a field to get an accurate assessment out of anything. That's why most legitimate review sites leave a rating out of 10, or even 100. Five... five just oversimplifies everything. And the problem with oversimplification is that it sweeps a lot of sins under a big 'ol rug.

People fall through the cracks in a Five-Star system. Lots of people are miscategorized, undervalued, and barred from receiving the benefits they deserve.

Remember when I said that the Five-Star Review feels like it gives a number that's predictive? Turns out, that's not how numbers work. In most things when you average together massive amounts of numbers, you end up with numbers that support the trend. (I'm not a math guy, so these are my generalizations.) But with the Five-Star Review the more numbers you get, the closer to 3 it becomes. To break it down into even less math: if enough people say "Thing Good," the reviews show the thing is indeed good. But with the Five-Star Review, the more people who rate and leave ratings; the more average your product appears.

This is because the companies are selling the Five-Star Review as a review but treating it as a rating.

Now let's talk about you, the consumer who leaves reviews and the consumer who reads the ratings.

Picture this, you bought something on Amazon, and now you're leaving a review of the product. You give it four stars because it was pretty good, but not flawless-

Already you are being too critical.

If you give a product three stars out of five; that means it was an average product. This statement would prolly surprise many of you. Because we've been conditioned to think of the Five-Star Review as a review whose stars are awarded depending on excellence, no review is supposed to be a sign of an average product. So how do you tell people the product is bad? You leave a critical comment telling people the product was bad.

Anyone who's ever sold a book online will tell you otherwise. Comments, no matter how bad, are considered positive by the algorithm. The Five-Star Review system favors large numbers over nothing. One hundred One-Star Reviews will far outweigh any product that has twenty Five-Stars Reviews. Even though anyone who looks at these statistics should clearly see that they are equal.

And when you look at a product that has an average review of fewer than four ratings, you dismiss it out of hand.

But the more ratings a product has, the closer to three its ratings will become.

Don't get me wrong, plenty of bad sellers has used this to their advantage. Some writers who were just terrible make use of this system to look average. It favors them.

But if you're just starting out, you are already going to get crushed by the algorithm. And then, when people don't leave reviews because your product was averagely good; you suffer. And then, after struggling to get reviews, people leave reviews that are less than five stars; you suffer. And the more rating you get; the more you suffer.

This, despite what it may seem, is the system working perfectly. Because it's tricking you into believing that it's an effective system for weeding out low-quality products while stifling anyone trying to use it.

Anyway, this has been my rant. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk. Like and Reblog and all that. 'Night.

#I stayed up way too late for this #reviews #book review #amazon #google #five stars #rant over #rant #education #algorithmes #algorithmsucks #puppies

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kim-seungmine · 4 years

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dream the night away

title: dream the night away

characters: (fem) reader x hwang hyunjin of stray kids

genre: slice-of-life, romance, angst, best friends to lovers au, idol au, idol!hyunjin, hyunjin centric, inspired by 3racha’s cloud 9 but not really?

warnings: minor character death, sometimes heavy, slow burn (aka i wanted it to be but i wasn’t patient enough), i tried to proofread, i gave up trying to format text convo on tumblr, i think they kiss a lot.

word count: 11.6k i’m so sorry

synopsis: one night, hyunjin wonders how he long can stay floating on cloud 9 before he loses his balance and falls all the way down to the pits of hell. After that, nothing feels right.

disclaimer: this is idol!hyunjin so i just wanna say that this is not how hyunjin is in real life and im not trying to convince you that he feels the things in the story. some parts are inspired by the things they’ve said but everything that happens here is pure fiction... which actually goes without saying since this is a fanfic, but i just feel the need to say it. for my personal long ass author’s note, you can read it below.

Hyunjin is met with darkness when he steps into the dorm. It used to be more packed, it used to be messier, and it used to be really loud. Now he only shares the dorm with the 00z who are surprisingly quiet if you think about it. Seungmin sleeps early, Felix has his headphones stuck to his ears and plays games until the sun rises, and Jisung is snugged somewhere watching movies. On busier days, Seungmin and Felix are at the company for lessons and Jisung spends the night at the studio with Chan and Changbin. Hyunjin, meanwhile, usually has some photoshoots.

However, tonight feels unnaturally quiet, especially since Hyunjin has just won his first Bonsang as a solo artist. He switches the lights on, and his friends are soundlessly huddled together by the fridge, Jisung holding a small cake.

“Surprise!” Seungmin exclaims rather flatly as Hyunjin drops to the floor out of shock, shouting profanities. Felix proceeds to grab some candles from the kitchen counter and lights them up. “Come on, blow the candles."

Hyunjin lets out an amused sigh, rising to his feet before blowing all the candles out. “Please tell me these aren’t those candles that stay lit n—what the hell.”

He continues blowing, his friends giggling while Seungmin groans. “Why did you have to curse? I was about to post that on Instagram Story!”

“Why are we doing this anyways? We’re not 18 anymore,” Hyunjin protests half-heartedly. He can’t really remember the last time they gave each other a proper surprise. It feels like ages ago. Jisung scoffs, searching for a knife inside one of the kitchen drawers. Slicing the cake, he retorts, “Your dramatic ass loves surprises, stop denying it.”

“Anyone has anything to do tonight? The hyungs want to come over,” Felix informs while typing on his phone. Hyunjin’s vibrates after a few seconds; everyone on the Stray Kids group chat must be congratulating him.

Seungmin opens the chat, frowning. “Where’s Jeongin?”

“He hasn’t been replying since hours ago. That brat probably fell asleep. Just ask his bro if he’s home,” Hyunjin suggests, about to reply to Chan’s message when another message pops up.

y/n: sorry i couldnt watch the show

y/n: but i saw the news! congratulations!!

y/n: so proud of you, as always!

Hyunjin’s eyes light up at your messages. It’s been months since he saw you; he’s been busy with his solo debut and you’ve been busy with school. When both of you were children, you often pictured how life would be. Hyunjin would be a famous soccer player for Manchester United and the captain of South Korea national team. You would be studying to become a doctor.

He finds it funny that you’re doing the exact same thing while he’s doing something he never even imagined before. Hyunjin is always amazed at how well you planned your whole life and executed every single plan, albeit not always instantly.

After all these years, though, he dares to say that both of you turned out okay. Amazing, even.

“Order whatever you want. I’m eating outside but I’ll be back soon,” Hyunjin tells his friends, bombarding you with messages before you turn your phone off, the thing you always do when you’re about to cram.

Seungmin arches an eyebrow. “Y/N?”

“Yeah. I asked whether she wants to eat gopchang with me.”

“You should really be careful.”

“Everyone knows we’re best friends. No one will make a weird rumor or anything.”

Jisung clicks his tongue. “Well, do you?”

Whenever someone talks about you, it always leads to this very conversation. Hyunjin decides to let Jisung’s question (sarcasm) hang in the air, but he knows the answer. Yes, he knows you and him are just best friends. Does he like it that way?

Hyunjin knows the answer to that too. He only pretends that he doesn’t.

You’re already slurping your soup when Hyunjin says hi to the restaurant owners, Mr and Mrs. Jang. “Oh Hyunjinnie, I just watched you on TV. You won something, right?” he asks. His wife ushers him to sit down, putting extra servings of kimchi on the table.

“Why didn’t I get extra kimchi?” You pout, shooting a jealous glare at Hyunjin who’s busy explaining what a Bonsang is to the owners.

“You did a good job, then,” Mrs. Jang coos. “You don’t need to pay today. It’s on us!”

You quickly put your spoon down. “What about me? I barely sleep thesedays, and I’m not as rich as Hyunjin!”

“Aigoo, you started eating before your friend came then demand for free food. You’re lucky we love you as much as we love Hyunjin.”

The couple laugh at your reaction, jokingly scolding you for being whinier than Hyunjin when it used to be the other way around. He smiles, remembering all the times he forced you to eat his eggplants for him and the times when he begged you to help him study because he needed to beat all of his friends.

“Eat,” you scowl. “You only have half an hour to brag. I have a night shift.”

Out of the times you’re being petty towards him, you were only seriously petty once: when he beat your English score in ninth grade although you were the one teaching him. He had to bribe you with a week’s worth of Haribo jellies before you stopped ignoring him.

Hyunjin giggles. “When’s your exam? Tomorrow?”

“Next week,” you whine. “But I have so many things to do! And I think someone stole my notes, I can’t seem to find them anywhere. Do you even understand half the pain I’m going through right now? All I need is one solid hour of sleep.”

“Hmm,” he hums. “Tell me something I don’t know.”

You widen your eyes, eyeing Hyunjin from head to toe. “Sometimes I forget you’re Stray Kids’ Hyunjin.”

He pretends to stab himself on the chest. “That h-hurts,” he fake-groans. “Then who do you think I am?”

“My neighbor,” you answer. “—who doesn’t even live at home anymore.”

“To be fair, you’re practically holed in hospital now.”

“Yeah but I go home every two weeks? You go home twice a year.”

“Excuse me?! I went home on your birthday… in the middle of a tour! I could’ve been sleeping or practicing, but I came home!”

He always “argues” with you until both of you are out of breath, clutching your chests because it somehow feels hilarious. You drink the last few drops of the soup right from your bowl, setting it back on the table and empty your glass in one go.

“I don’t have enough energy for this,” you sigh dreamily, prepping your head on your arm. “Tell me about everything. Your first Bonsang.”

Hyunjin can still hear his fans’ voices chanting his name and cheering for him as he delivered his speech while sobbing (this is what he hates from solo promotions, nobody else is there to stop him from crying or taking over the mic from him so he could calm himself down). He remembers every single word he said and the proud faces of his fellow artists. The thrill, the triumph, the satisfaction, the love… it’s making him emotional all over again.

He grabs a tissue to blow his nose. “I was surprised when the company said that I was invited. Our group hasn’t made a comeback this year, and although my song did chart quite well, I never expected they would even invite me.”

“They gave me a 5-minute stage! I was so happy, I sent you my rehearsal videos, right?”

You nod, imitating one of the moves in his dance break.

“Everything was even more amazing on stage, with Stays watching me. I think I was possessed during the performance… I was goddamn nervous though.”

“Yeah, I watched it on the way here. You kept licking your lip, I don’t care if your fans think that’s hot. To me you’re just a nervous mess…”

Hyunjin has started to pout when you add, “… who did a very great job nevertheless! It’s just that I’ve known you so long. You can’t hide anything from me.”

He notices how you’re holding your breath, waiting for him to respond. After years, Hyunjin thought he would take negative comments much less seriously, but apparently it didn’t become easier. It became harder, so hard that he had to take a 3-month hiatus last year.

With you, everything is different. You can tell him that he sucks big time and he’ll take it seriously, but he never gets offended. There are a lot of times when people treat him like he’s made of glass (or a snowflake, Seungmin once said), but you treat him the way you’ve always treated him and he loves it. None of his other friends understands, but your honesty is priceless. It’s what keeps him going; he knows you’ll never cherish him less no matter what you say about the way he dances and raps, or the way he looks and behaves. And he’s sure that his honesty also means the world to you. You are each other’s toughest critic, but it will never change anything.

“Hyunjin.” You place your hand over his, eyes wide. “I’m sorry. It just slipped out of my mouth.”

He chuckles, flipping his palm to squeeze your hand. “You idiot. You just stated the facts.”

You squeeze his hand back before pulling away. “I’m looking at Hwang Hyunjin of Stray Kids who sold over 100.000 copies of his first solo album, who won Bonsang for the first time, who gets worshiped by everyone he locks eyes with—except for me of course. I’m a very proud friend.”

“Stop it.” Hyunjin rolls his eyes, but unable to hide his smile once he sees you grinning like a happy child. “How much time do we have left?”

You glance at your phone, sighing when a reminder for you to study pops up. “5 minutes. I have to go back to the hospital soon.”

“Can you even study during your shift?”

“I have to,” you mumble. “Anyways, thanks for dragging me out. I did miss you after all.”

“I missed you too,” Hyunjin says, probably too quick for his own good but he doesn’t regret it.

“I’ll be going now.” You stretch your limbs, grabbing your bag and slinging it over your shoulder. “Any last words before I go to war?”

“I should be the one asking you that.”

“Oh, right.”

Chan is the only one awake by the time Hyunjin gets back home. He huffs in regret, knowing that the hyungs decided to stay over to celebrate his Bonsang win. The leader greets him with a bear hug, carefully avoiding Felix and Minho who are fast asleep on the floor. “We’re so happy for you!” he whisper-yells. “How was Y/N?”

Hyunjin returns his hug with an even tighter one. “Thanks hyung. You composed the song after all! And sorry I came back too late.”

Chan shakes his head. “Nah, it’s fine. At some point we forgot why we were here and just started playing mafia.”

“Y/N is fine, anyways, just tired.”

“She’s always tired, isn’t she?”

“Yeah. It turns out that medical students are probably more tired than us.”

Hyunjin leads Chan to his bedroom. Each of the 00z has their own bedroom now. It’s much more convenient and they can arrange their stuff however they want to (they avoid entering Jisung’s room as much as possible), but Hyunjin misses the mess at times. The old dorm was cramped, either too hot or too cold, and way too noisy, but it was home for quite a long time.

Chan seems to be having the same thought. “We miss you kiddos sometimes,” he laughs. “But we fixed that sliding door. It closes properly now.”

“As long as Changbin hyung keeps opening it with too much force it will be broken again in no time. Trust me.”

Both of them are lying on Hyunjin’s king size bed, staring at the sideboard table he dedicates for his music show—and now, music award—trophies. “The kids don’t really say it but they’re all so proud of you. I’m proud of you. I raised you well, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, you kinda did.”

“Kinda?!”

“I’m joking.” Hyunjin scrunches his nose. “You raised all of us. We raised Jeongin. And we raised each other.”

“3racha are almost finished choosing the final songs, you have 2 weeks to relax then we’ll start production right away. Our next tour won’t start until May, so we have plenty of time to prepare everything.”

“Ohhhhh I can feel my bones breaking already. We’re getting old,” Hyunjin whines.

Chan pats his thighs, cracking his knuckles before jumping out of bed. “You’re getting old,” he teases.

“I’m glad, though. Everything finally works out the way we wanted to. I guess we can say that we’re doing well now, right?”

Chan doesn’t wait for Hyunjin to answer and leaves the room right away. The latter ponders the rhetorical question for a while, recalling the goals they have reached for the past few years. Entering the Melon chart (and staying on Top 20 for a week), having one of the most successful world tour, winning prestigious awards at prestigious music awards, 3racha getting acknowledged as the industry’s top composers, 00z winning music shows for their unit debut last year, Jeongin getting drama roles, and last but not least, Hyunjin’s successful solo debut.

Feeling nostalgic, he scrolls through his phone, looking at old photos and silly videos. Looking at the lyrics he wrote on his note app. Then he goes through @realstraykids’ posts on Instagram, from when Jeongin still had braces until tonight. The latest selcas on his own official account are still getting likes, the fans showering him with praises.

Hyunjin has ticked off everything from his wish list. He has reached every goal he set a few years ago. They are doing well. He’s doing well.

He looks at his surroundings, immersing himself in the space and peace of his room that he once craved desperately. He’s supposed to be at peace now, but his mind won’t stop buzzing, asking himself what to do next.

For the very first time, Hyunjin realizes that he’s now floating on Cloud 9. Everything is perfect, he’s living his dream life. But at the back of his head, he can hear the clock ticking, ready to push him over the edge the moment he loses his balance, watching him fall all the way to the pits of hell.

Everything is perfect, but why does his heart feel so empty?

Hyunjin’s brows furrow as he tries to catch some comments the fans are posting. When he was a rookie he couldn’t get used to how fast the comments come in, and it’s something that doesn’t quite change. Probably he got used to it at some point, but they kept gaining fans that the comment section is always extremely active.

“Hyunjin oppa,” he pronounces the words slowly. ”Spo-spoiler please!”

He lifts his head to give the viewers a secretive smile. “Nope.” He wiggles his forefinger. “You have to wait for the teasers!”

“Ohhh the comments! You guys are so excited I can’t keep up!”

More comments flood in, and Hyunjin has to press his phone screen in order to read the one comment he’s been trying to read. “Recommend me a song, please!”

“Uhhh—” He takes some time to think of the songs he’s been listening to, tapping his fingers against the surface of the table while the comments keep coming in, but this time he spots words that stab him right on his gut. With trembling hands, he lifts his phone, clicking the report button as subtle as possible. His vision grows blurry as he reports every single comment that has the word “fuck you”, “die” or “talentless” in it.

The pause has become too long and too awkward, so he stops himself from reporting more and stares at the lens. “Ah, song recommendation!” he exclaims. “I have quite a lot but thesedays I’ve been listening to 00z songs a lot. We had so much fun promoting together.”

Hyunjin feels his other phone vibrating in his pocket, probably his mother checking in. It gives him a boost of energy, and he tells his fans he’ll stay with them for 10 more minutes. “When we’re just talking like this, I’m always reminded that we’ve come so far,” Hyunjin says, a smile on his face. “It feels good to know that all of you are making time for us, for me, after your busy day. And no, I’m not sleepy. Don’t worry, everyone!”

He reads some more comments, mostly cheesy pickup lines to cheer himself up as his brain is still trying to get all the hurtful words out of his system. “Ah, I think I have to go now,” Hyunjin announces lowly. “I have to go back to practice, if not Chan hyung will barge in and drag me back to the practice room.”

“What? You want me to get scolded by Chan hyung? Why are you so mean?!”

Hyunjin ends up staying for 20 more minutes before finally ending the broadcast. Conversation with his fans is something he values a lot; it gives him strength and makes him laugh. It makes him feel loved and he wants his fans to feel the same.

But it’s equally tiring. He has to brace himself for some less-than-nice comments, sometimes they are way too severe for him to handle that the company sues all the commenters. You’ve told him over and over again that those people aren’t his fans.

Everything could’ve been worse. Hyunjin still considers himself very lucky that he has much more fans than haters. Still, he often imagines how it will feel if he has no hater at all, since he does have some friends who seem to only hear pretty words.

Hyunjin stays inside the room for a few more minutes, replying to Seungmin’s messages and assures him that he’ll be back soon. He idly plays one of their songs he hasn’t heard for years, the song that was always included in their setlist before being replaced by some other songs. Hyunjin initially thought he wouldn’t need that song anymore, but tonight, he needs it. Maybe he needs it more now than before.

After making a mental note to ask the other boys to add the song back to the concert’s setlist, Hyunjin leaves, cursing himself for taking too much time to regain his composure.

Should I stop or not? Should I give up or not?

“Hwang Hyunjin, stop coming into my room without my permission! You literally trespassed into someone else’s property!”

Hyunjin groans into his pillow, instantly regretting his decision to pick up your call at midnight. “I didn’t!”

“Don’t lie to me. You took Gureum with you!”

He takes a quick glance at the rabbit plushie he placed on top of his pillow. Last night, he did go home because Kkami (everyone calls him old man now) got a little sick. “I miiiiight have made a quick detour next door when I was about to leave.”

“You’re pathetic. You got soooooo many plushies and toys and cute headbands from fansigns and you stole my Gureum.”

“Stop guilt tripping me! I missed Gureum, okay? Why didn’t you take him to your dorm?”

Hyunjin senses your hesitation as you clear your throat. “Well, sometimes seeing Gureum only makes me miss everyone more, so I just left him at home.”

Now he feels guilty. Your parents are currently staying overseas to take care of your sick little sister. He pictures you coming to an empty home every two weeks, exhausted and not having anyone to welcome you.

“Do you want me to come over?”

“Our superstar isn’t busy?”

“I am, but I’m willing to sacrifice my precious time for my best friend.”

You scoff over the phone, but telling him to hurry up before ending the call. Hyunjin packs his clothes and toiletries, along with Gureum—his birthday present for your 11th birthday. You almost never sleep without it, yet the plushie still looks brand new.

Unable to hide his smitten smile, Hyunjin grabs his keys.

The apartment complex where Hyunjin lives has changed a lot over the years. The soccer field he used to play at is now a playground. The little bookstore you loved so much is now a bakery. Now there’s a big shopping mall right across the building. After saving up for a while, Hyunjin asked his parents whether they wanted to move to a bigger place. He kind of hoped that they wouldn’t want it because he wanted to stay close to you (although coming home is a real challenge for him). Luckily, his parents said no.

He enters your door password leisurely, recalling the time when your parents told him to take care of you.

So far, you’ve been the one taking care of him.

Hyunjin heads straight to your bedroom, opening the door and sees you curling on your bed. The mattress he sleeps on whenever he stays over is already laid on the floor.

“Gureum!” you yell when he throws the squishy rabbit to you. Hyunjin drops his bag and settles himself on the mattress, staring up at you.

“How’s your sis?”

You scoot towards the end of the bed, showing him a photo on your phone. Your sister is smiling; she looks much better than before, but still very pale and thin. “I haven’t called her,” Hyunjin admits. “But she got the albums I sent to her. Sent the ones signed by the others too. That kid loves Jisung, do you know that?”

“I got her into Jisung.”

He sits up, looking almost offended. “Your bias is Han Jisung?”

“This world doesn’t revolve around you, superstar.” You flash him a cheeky grin. “I wanted to ask you to let me go to the backstage again last tour, but I restrained myself. As your kind best friend, I shouldn’t abuse my privilege.”

“You know that he never cleans his room, right?”

You hum, “Nobody’s perfect, Jinnie.”

“Oh come on!” Hyunjin protests. “If it’s Jeongin I understand although he also never cleans his room. But Jisung? And you’re calling yourself my best friend!”

“He’s funny!” you argue. ”He has a nice voice—it’s really sexy when he raps, he dances well, he wrote all my favorite Stray Kids songs, and he actually had the balls to fight you. A real champ.”

Hyunjin rolls his eyes, making a gesture to snatch Gureum away from you. “And at the end of the day, you love him,” you add. “He makes you laugh too.”

Well, it’s a fact he can’t refute. You ask, “Do you think I should hit on him or something? Will people call me out? Does he have someone?”

“We are not having this conversation Y/N. I don’t care if both of you are my best friends, you’re not dating Han Jisung. What happened to that ‘hot senior’ Jung Jaehyun? The last time we called, you were so in love with him.”

The mention of Jaehyun’s name causes you to slump into your bed, covering yourself with your thick blanket. “I sort of blew it up,” you mumble. “He asked me on a real date and I said no.”

You seem to hit realization that’s way too late, and now you’re hollering, “I said no to Jung Jaehyun! Oh my God Hyunjin… I’m such an idiot!”

Hyunjin can’t contain his giggles. Relief washes over him; you and Jaehyun seemed rather serious and while he wished you well, the thought of you being with someone else always pains him. He knows he’s not allowed to feel that way just because you’re best friends.

Most of the times, he can’t help it.

“He’s a real gentleman and he said he was into me. ME. Everyone would throw themselves at him but he came up to me and I flat out rejected him. What the hell is wrong with me?!”

You’re rolling on your bed, whining and kicking at the air. “I tried not to think about it but… it was just a date? Even if I didn’t end up dating him at least I could tell my grandchildren that I went on a date with Jung Jaehyun!”

“Is he really that great?” Hyunjin asks, out of curiosity but laced with jealousy he hopes you can’t see. His words sound distant to his own ears, triggering his fear of losing you.

“Yeah, I guess?”

You nudge his legs when he doesn’t respond. “How about you? Everything’s fine? You don’t look happy thesedays.”

Hyunjin never lies to you. You have a full access to his heart; he lets you in on his happiest days when life feels like the shiniest summer. He also lets you in even after the messiest thunderstorm when he feels that everything is fucked up. This time, he wants to lock you out. There’s nothing to see, there’s nothing to fix.

His heart is empty—he is empty, and he wants to protect you from the bleakness of it.

“I’m fine, just been arguing with Felix and Minho hyung over the song we’ll perform. It feels too monotone for me, but they think it’s perfect,” he explains, not completely lying. “I don’t know if I’m being selfish but somehow I just can’t let it go.”

“Have you tried explaining to them? Not how you feel, but how the song is. You can always go technical, you don’t need to worry just because Minho is more experienced.”

Hyunjin sighs. “I did, but probably it’s just me.”

“Do you wanna talk things out?” You yawn, squishing Gureum into your chest. “Or do you want to just sleep?”

He glances at the clock. “We both need sleep. It’s almost 3A.M.”

“Alright. Good night—I mean good morning!”

Hyunjin stretches his neck to look at you, your eyes are already closed. He relaxes his body and tries to sleep, but his jumbled mind keeps him awake. Hyunjin waits until you’re fast asleep before scooting closer, softly taking your hand in his before closing his eyes once again. He did it a lot when he was younger, holding your hand until he fell asleep. You nagged at him because it woke you up, but you never told him to stop doing it.

Tonight is no different.

“Hyunjin?”

“Sorry.”

You turn to him, “It’s okay.”

He mumbles a thank you, ready to go to sleep when you move to the mattress. Hyunjin gulps at the close proximity, it’s been too long since you slept on the same bed as him.

“Hyunjin, I missed you.”

Hyunjin heard a theory somewhere: 3.A.M-conversations are the most honest. It’s a little over 3A.M now, and he doesn’t how much of that theory is true, but your words fuel something deep within him. The feeling so strong he has to tear his gaze away from you. Hyunjin slowly pulls you into his arms, patting your back in rhythm with the clock.

He grazes his lips on your shoulder, mouthing his reply quietly, “I missed you too.”

You nod against his chest, pulling your hand out of his grasp so you could circle your arms around his torso.

Hyunjin falls asleep almost immediately, succumbing to the warmth and comfort you radiate.

He’s going to be alright.

“Do you think I’ll ever debut?”

Hyunjin takes off his SOPA jacket, plopping onto the bed while you’re munching on a pack of jelly. “Let me sleep for 10 minutes. I have to go to the company after this.”

You slap his thigh. “Why do you always sleep in my room? If I got a dollar everytime you sabotage my bed I’d be really rich now. Get out, you have practice!”

He reaches for your knee, using it as a pillow. Hyunjin feels you soften as you card your hand through his hair. “Is it hard? Are those mean hyungs still bothering you?”

Hyunjin shakes his head. “Changbin hyung told those motherfuckers to mind their own business.”

“Stop cursing!” you hiss. “It’s not cool, and what if you accidentally curse on broadcast later? You have so much to learn…”

Hyunjin opens his eyes and smiles when he meets your gaze. “Do you think I’ll ever debut?” he repeats his question.

“Have you seen yourself dancing? You’re better than most of the trainees I saw at the open showcase. Plus you have so many girls screaming your name. No offense, but that is definitely a plus point.”

You give his head a little smack when you notice doubt flashing through his orbs. “I believe in you, Hyunjin. Don’t doubt yourself,” you tell him softly. “And if you need someone to give those ‘motherfuckers’ a lesson, just call me. I know some people who can shut them up.”

He lets out an obnoxious gasp. “Are you a gangster now?! Your parents are going to be so disappointed in you. Looks like you have to say goodbye to medical school now…”

You sigh, now it’s your turn to look at Hyunjin with doubt in your eyes. “I’ll get in, right? What if I flunk my results later?”

“This is why I hate smart people,” he bemoans. “You rank first in the whole school, stop saying nonsense.”

Both of you a few more minutes lying in silence. When he waves you goodbye, Hyunjin feels like he can soar.

He’s safe with you, and you’re safe with him.

“Hwang Hyunjin, get off me!”

Hyunjin wakes up to you trying to untangle your legs from his. He catches your flailing legs, removing his before examining your face. “It’s almost noon. Aren’t you running late?” you pester, pointing at the clock.

“Lunch?” he asks.

This is supposed to be awkward. Hyunjin can’t recall what happened a few hours ago before blushing—he’s never been that intimate with you before. You two have had a fair share of platonic cuddle sessions, but last night felt different.

“Not yet,” you mutter. “I just woke up. Oh God my back hurts.”

He wants to know whether you feel the same, but you’ve made your way to the bathroom before he could ask anything. “What do you want to eat?” you yell, almost incoherently due to the toothpaste in your mouth.

“You’re not going to shower?” Hyunjin playfully shrieks.

“It’s my day off!”

“My mom must’ve cooked something. Gimme 10 minutes.”

Although he’s done this at least a hundred times, it’s still hard for Hyunjin to leave home. Seeing his he’s never able to stop his heart getting heavier at the sight of bidding his family goodbye until God knows when.

“Please come home more Y/N,” his mother asks you, raising her eyebrow. “Hyunjin seems to randomly pop up whenever you’re here, so please, come home more.”

You smack his back loudly, causing him to let out a choked groan. “I’ll teach him a lesson, don’t worry.”

Hyunjin gives his mother a sheepish smile, knowing all too well what she meant. He pulls you out before she starts grilling him for information, yelling one last goodbye before closing the door. You search for something inside your bag, stopping him from pressing the elevator button.

“You left something?”

“My dorm key,” you answer, walking back to your own unit. “You should just go,” you say. “It’s in the middle of the day anyways, we shouldn’t be seen together.”

Hyunjin follows you inside, watching you rummage through one of the buffet drawers. He notices how your shoulders are slumped and the way your eyebrows furrow. As his mind wanders to last night once again, you jab at his stomach lightly. “Hey, you’re spacing out.”

“Oh,” is all Hyunjin can say. He takes a good look of you, something he always does before he parts ways with you. Before he can stop himself, Hyunjin has wrapped his arms around you, letting you hear his erratic heartbeat. He still misses you, even after spending the whole night together.

Eventually, you pull away. “I’ll go first.” You ruffle his head. “See you when I see you?”

“See you soon,” he corrects you.

You smile, taking your bag from the floor and when he blinks, you’re gone.

Hyunjin still misses you now, even when you were just in his embrace a few minutes ago, burying your head into the crook of his neck. The empty space in his heart seems to expand whenever he thinks about you.

It hurts.

Minho ends the dance practice and everyone collapses on the floor the moment the music stops playing. Hyunjin immediately restarts the discussion they had before practice started.

“We used to sing both Grow Up and You Can Stay, why do we have to choose one now?” he demands while all of them are sprawled on the floor. “Our fans miss it too, I think it’s the perfect chance to bring it back.”

Chan takes a deep breath, nodding at Hyunjin. “I can’t see why not,” he says with a chuckle. “I don’t even remember why we abandoned it in the first place.”

Hyunjin does, and he knows Chan does too. It was simple, really. The song that once gave them comfort turned into this big monster made out of their worst nightmares. Each member had cried to the song during some of their concerts, and now performing it in front of everyone always brings back the painful memories.

“Yeah, we should sing it again,” Felix adds, kicking Jisung’s leg so the latter would sit up and voice out his opinion. “Well.” Jisung scratches the back of his head, “I’m cool with it.”

The rest of the group mumbles similar answers and Chan claps, giving Hyunjin a thumbs up. “Hyunjinnie is all grown up,” he praises before gathering his things and leaves. Hyunjin snorts at the leader’s compliment, but his sparkly eyes can’t fool anyone.

He pulls out his phone to relay the happy news to you, but the sparks in his eyes quickly fade when his messages from hours ago are still unread.

“What time are we leaving tomorrow?” he asks.

Seungmin checks his phone. “5A.M.”

Hyunjin wipes his sweat, chugging his water. Their American tour starts in a few days, and while he’s ecstatic because they’ll be performing at LA Staples Center for the first time, he also feels uneasy.

He takes out his phone, opening his contacts and stops when he sees your name. He stares at the number he remembers by heart.

“You okay?” Seungmin asks. “If you’re worried about District 9’s formation change, don’t. You nailed it today.”

“District 9…” Hyunjin trails off. “We’re getting too old for District 9.”

Jeongin grunts in agreement. “Whenever we finish my head always spins for like a minute. It’s been too long.”

“Yah,” Seungmin scolds him. “You need to get it checked. What if there’s something wrong with your head?”

The youngest does an exaggerated head banging, earning a kick from the puppy-like boy. Hyunjin chuckles at the two’s antics; some things never really change, and he’s grateful that this is one of those things.

Seungmin throws a playful punch at Jeongin’s stomach one last time before focusing his gaze back on Hyunjin. “Seriously though, did something happen?”

Hyunjin’s brain has a lot of template answers to questions like this, but the cliché words on tip of his tongue feel burning. His friends wait patiently as he fumbles for words, blinking his tears away when he fails to find the right words.

“I don’t even know if there’s anything,” he finally concludes. “It’s just—ever since Bonsang, it’s been hard. It’s been… nothing. Empty.”

Seungmin and Jeongin only nod, as if they understand how he feels. They probably do, Hyunjin thinks. Maybe he’s not the only one. Maybe all of his members have experienced it at some point, although at different times. Hyunjin feels slightly relieved at the thought. I’m not insane.

When he was a trainee, he thought everything would be fine once he debuted. It was, to some extent. But he was young and naïve, and when things beyond his control happened, Hyunjin barely managed to stay afloat. People told him how to handle stress, how to voice out his concerns, how to manage his body, mind and soul. He knew how to survive, theoretically.

No one actually taught him nor the other boys, and for an 18 year-old boy, feelings got intense quickly. After some trials and errors, everyone figured that it was best not to bottle up their feelings. Once again, it sounded easy in theory. In reality, with so many things happening at once, most of them eventually created a space in their own heads to seal everything in. They endured.

Jeongin looks at him with hesitation, rubbing his hands together. “It happens,” he reassures him. “It’s okay to worry about it, hyung. But worry about it with me, please!” Jeongin raises his tone. “You can barge into my room anytime. You can annoy the hell out of me, but stop suffering alone, will you?!”

Seungmin can’t miss the chance to tease the maknae. “Says the one who cried alone all night long in the bathtub after losing his voice.”

“If I hadn’t found you, you would’ve passed out,” Hyunjin adds. Jeongin lifts his hands in defeat. “Whatever. But I meant what I said.”

“Our Jeongin is so dependable,” Hyunjin coos.

“You say that all the time.” Jeongin rolls his eyes. “And then still baby me.”

Seungmin takes Hyunjin’s phone from the floor, passing it to the owner. “Call Y/N.”

Hyunjin panics a little. “Why?”

Seungmin shrugs. “Better days start after meeting the person you want to see the most!”

“Speaking of you and Y/N,” Jeongin quips. “You guys aren’t in high school anymore, stop flirting with each other and date already.”

Hyunjin gets a surge of bravery and dials your number, but immediately regrets his decision with each passing minute. He almost ends the call when you finally answer. “Hyunjin?”

“H-hi,” he stammers. “Busy?”

“Kind of... What? What happened?”

“Can we meet? I only need a couple of minutes. You’re in Seoul, right?”

“I am. Hyunjin, what’s going on? You’re scaring me.”

It’s scaring me too.

“I want to tell you in person. Where are you? I’ll come to you.”

Hyunjin isn’t sure when the lines between best friends and something more started to get blurry. The worse thing is, he realized it way too late and things got complicated before he could do anything about it.

“It’s too late to back out,” he mouths to himself while opening the stairwell door in the hospital you’re currently at. You’re sitting on one of the steps, dozing off as your head hits the wall every now and then.

Hyunjin runs his hand through his hair, guilt consuming him. He sits beside you, pulling your head to his right shoulder. The two of you always attended the same school until high school, when he decided to enroll in SOPA instead of a regular school. Since then, he never really knows what’s going on in your life. You told him about your close friends, the small fights, medical students’ inside jokes, the good looking boys, all the knowledge and experiences you’re grateful for despite the never-ending suffering and constant lack of sleep. You told him everything, but he’s never actually seen you in your world.

You’ve seen enough of his world—you’ve gone to his concerts, awards shows, even fansigns (as a prank because you wanted to see him getting all flustered while pretending not to know you). Hyunjin never has the time or makes an effort to do the same, and while it’s completely understandable due to the nature of his job, he feels like he’s going to lose you.

As he brushes your hair out of your face, Hyunjin asks himself whether he’s good enough for you.

“Whoa,” you suddenly whisper, straightening your body. “Did I fall asleep?”

Hyunjin stops you from getting up. “You must be tired.”

“So are you.” You remove his hand from your head. “So tell me. What’s going on?”

You’re here, sitting beside him, only wanting truth to come out of his mouth. Hyunjin bites his lip, the urge to just let go is eating him up, his soul begging him to get some answers. The familiar hollowness is back, and tears start to roll down his cheeks.

This isn’t the first time he cries in front of you, so you just pat his head, waiting for the tears to stop. “I’m sorry,” he groans. “I’m so sorry Y/N.”

You lift his head, eyes looking straight into his. “What for?” you mutter. “Hyunjin, please tell me.”

Hyunjin makes a silent plead at himself to toughen up, but it’s hard when you’re staring at him like this, wide eyes filled with raw concern and sincerity that never fail to touch the deepest part of his heart. “Hmm?” you prompt, still patting his head ever so softly.

“It’s been hard,” Hyunjin sniffles. “It’s hard to look forward to the future. I feel restless all the time. I have nothing to fight for. It’s…,” He makes gestures with his hand in attempt to explain it better. “… empty.”

You wipe his tears with the sleeve of your white coat. “Do you know why you feel that way?”

Hyunjin nods. “We’re doing well, we really are… and that’s probably why. Everything is going too well I don’t know what thrills me anymore. I thought I’d feel content once I reached all of my dreams, but that’s not the case.”

He examines your face, rehearsing the next lines in his head again and again. You cock an eyebrow, encouraging him to continue. And the last bit of Hyunjin’s defense crumbles with every blink of your pretty eyes.

“And you… I miss you all the time. Even when you’re right here with me, I still miss you. I have to hold back whenever I’m with you because I don’t want you to run away from me. I love you, Y/N. I don’t know when it all started but maybe I’ve always loved you and it hurts me not being able to tell you that. The emptiness… it gets worse whenever you tell me we shouldn’t be seen together or that you have to go or when you have other boys like Jaehyun who are clearly better for you than I am because they can be there for you. I love you so bad you don’t know how hard it is to go through days without you, without kissing you good night, without hearing you laugh for me. I keep thinking, ‘what if you’re suddenly gone?’ Maybe you’ll leave me someday, maybe you’ll tell me that you can’t be my friend anymore, but I need you, Y/N. I love you and I need you here with me to keep going. I—”

Hyunjin watches you slowly—very slowly—retract your hand from his head as words fail him, and he feels as if his guts are being hammered to pieces. He can’t read your eyes, can’t even try to define what your gaze means.

You eventually stand up, pulling him up with you. “I’m not the answer, Hyunjin,” you mutter. “You can’t expect that you’ll never feel empty again once I say that I accept your feelings. It’s just—it’s not fair. This isn’t just about us not being together.”

“But—”

“I know,” you cut him off, your body start shaking due to all the tension. “I know. That’s how you feel, and I can’t dictate you what to feel and not to feel. Think about it like this…”

You pause to check if he’s still listening to you. He nods, weakly.

“… you spent years working your ass off to get recognition from everyone, and you did it. Don’t ever forget that, I’m begging you. So all of your dreams have come true and you feel lost now… it’s okay. You have a lot of time, Hyunjin. You can always have a new dream, you can have a thousand more. Don’t make me the answer to everything just because you haven’t found any other answer.”

You wait for him to respond, but Hyunjin is frozen to his spot. His world is now upside down, and he doesn’t know how long it will take to fix everything.

Your phone rings, snapping him out of his trance. You look at him apologetically. “I have to go.” Those damn words again. “Ask Seungmin to help you ice your face, you don’t want to show up at the airport with swollen eyes, do you? Call me before you take off, okay? Hyunjin?”

He can only nod, trying his best to give you the most reassuring smile. He feels everything all at once: shock, shame, sadness… but mostly regret because you’re right.

You always are.

“Have fun on tour! Send me all the photos you take!”

Now it’s turn for Hyunjin’s phone to ring as you make your way out, leaving him alone. He’s about to press the green button when the door opens once again. Hyunjin lets his phone ring, watching you fidget with your hands.

He’s still pretty much tongue-tied, but forces himself to ask, “Did you ever… love me? As more than friends?”

To his surprise, you take quick steps towards him, tiptoeing to press your lips on his. Your eyes are closed, your hands are tied to your sides and it takes Hyunjin his whole willpower to refrain himself from pulling your body closer, wrapping his arms around you and kissing the life out of you. He closes his eyes and just stands there, accepting whatever you’re willing to give him because there’s nothing he yearns more than your love and trust.

Hyunjin almost whines when you pull away with red cheeks and teary eyes. “Come back to me when you’re ready. I’ll wait for you. Only you.”

It’s Hyunjin’s 10th (or 11th? He can’t really remember) visit to New York, but he’s still as excited as a kid with his lollipop. After years of traveling from country to country, Hyunjin realizes that he just doesn’t get bored, ever. Each place holds a special memory he keeps close to his heart, something sentimental that motivates him to go back every chance he gets.

“Stand there,” he motions at Seungmin—the only one who’s willing to accompany him walking around the Empire State Building for the nth time—to stand at the spot he points at. Seungmin follows his instruction, smiling when Hyunjin starts counting. They examine the result and Seungmin shoves his leg. “I guess you finally learned something.”

Hyunjin feigns hurt, setting his camera’s focus on a group of kids, holding his breath before pressing the shutter. “As if you taught me anything.”

He glances at his bandmate who’s busy taking photos with his own camera. Photo hunting with Seungmin is always in Hyunjin’s “limited free time” itinerary. They’ve strolled around so many cities together, sometimes it takes the whole day if time allows them. Strangely, Seungmin never gets bored of it either and although it’s no surprise since he loves photography more than anything else, Hyunjin is grateful.

“You never say no whenever I ask you to take photos with me,” Hyunjin states. “Why?”

Seungmin frowns. “What kind of question is that?”

“Just wondering,” Hyunjin mumbles. “We do pretty much the same thing everytime. Sometimes I force you to go to the places we’ve been to… don’t you get bored?”

“It’s always different everytime, I thought that’s why sometimes you take photos at the same place? It’s never exactly the same, don’t you think?”

Hyunjin goes through the photos he took in New York last year, smiling at some of them as he recalls the funny anecdotes behind them. When he slips his phone back into his jeans pocket and lets his eyes wander… yes, nothing is exactly the same.

“You truly are a photographer. When’s your next exhibition, Photographer Kim?”

Seungmin snaps his finger. “Ah! Exhibition! I forgot to ask you, why don’t we held a joint exhibition this time?”

“You want to show your photos along with my photos?”

“Why not? Yours are amazing too! And you’re my best friend, it’ll be fun.”

Hyunjin imagines having his photo framed on the wall. Small placards pinned underneath, containing the words he constructs to explain each of them. The fans will come to feel how it feels like to be here behind the lens. Maybe people who don’t even know him will come too, and get a chance to actually know him.

He reaches his phone to relay the idea to you, smiling to himself when he finds messages from you instead.

y/n: [sends a picture]

y/n: ahreum finally woke up today! isnt she pretty?

me: everyone is prettier than you

me: you must be happy!!

y/n: ??????

y/n: oh. she asked me to recommend boygroup songs

y/n: i made her listen to every single skz song

y/n: and your solo songs!!!!

me: awwwwwww

me: and you cant be doing this for free right?

“Is that your best friend slash girlfriend?” Seungmin is suddenly standing behind him, reading over his shoulder. “You guys are so cute it’s making me feel sick.”

Hyunjin sighs, gazing at the busy street upon him. “We’re not dating. At least not yet.”

“What happened? Just realized that I never really asked.”

“She asked me to come to her when I’m ready.”

Seungmin looks at him quizzically, but decides not to press him further. “Are you ready now?”

They’re flying back to Seoul next week, and while he thought he wouldn’t be able to enjoy the tour, he truly did. He thinks of all the good things that have happened: the sold out shows, the happy tears, his improvement, the upcoming exhibition with Seungmin, and lastly, you—the one who’s patiently waiting for him.

There have been a lot of times when Hyunjin feels like he’s everywhere but nowhere at the same time. It sounds scary, but now he realizes that he only needs to admit that he’s indeed everywhere, but never nowhere.

“Almost.”

The instrumental of Grow Up starts to play and all the boys rush back to their designated positions. The atmosphere turns a bit more sentimental as the bridge approaches, they’re just looking at each other while Minho is singing his part. In the past, they often teased each other during this very part, afraid that they would break down if they let their emotions overtake them. Hyunjin averts his gaze to the audience, watching the beautiful color of their lightsticks light up the huge stadium. As he gestures at some of the fans to stop crying, Hyunjin thanks himself for convincing the others to add the song back to their setlist.

The song comes to an end, and Chan gathers everyone to make a circle. Hyunjin feels pats on his head and back, Chan’s voice drowned by the fans who are still singing. He can’t resist the urge to turn around, so he does just that, and what he won’t trade what he sees for anything.

Their fans are standing there, eyes focused on everyone on stage as they sing each syllable perfectly. Changbin follows his gaze, and soon all of them are facing the audience again, listening to every wish, every hope, and every message relayed through the lyrics of the song.

Hyunjin lifts his mic, eyes darting to Chan who gives him a nod of approval. “Thank you,” he begins. “This is our last stop for this tour, and I can’t be any prouder and thankful to all of you.”

He lets the translator translate his speech before continuing, “I had a lot of worries before the tour started. I honestly thought I wouldn’t be able to go through everything.”

“You made our dreams come true,” Hyunjin continues. “You made my dreams come true and I naively thought that was the end of everything. But I learned a lot during this tour, and once again, you made this happen. All the pretty words you told us, they mean a lot. They always will. I realized that this will always be my dream, no matter how many times this has come true. I want to make you, who stay with us throughout everything, happy. I want to be here for a very long time. I want to be with you, to be with the members and our family, for a very long time.”

He stops when he feels he can’t continue anymore, letting the others take the spotlight. He gives each of his bandmates with a loving gaze, stopping at Minho who lets tears roll down his cheeks this time. Jeongin is giggling beside him, walking over to wrap the tsundere hyung in a firm hug.

Hyunjin thinks they’ve really come a long way.

Being back home usually gives Hyunjin a peace of mind, but when he sees no notification on his phone, he feels weird. He dials his mother’s number, his heart grows even more anxious when she picks up.

“Oh Hyunjin-ah, did you just land?”

“Yeah.”

“Can you come over here? Or do you have an important schedule?”

“No, we get 2 days off. What’s going on?”

“Y/N’s sister passed away. Sorry we didn’t tell you sooner, we didn’t want you to panic.”

“Eomma! How could you?”

“I’m sorry. This is Y/N’s request as well. She’s been here for 2 days and no one can make her eat anything. Can you take her home?”

“I’ll be there soon.”

“You’re going to live in Germany! You’re such a lucky kid!”

The little girl smiles bashfully as you pout at her. “The luckiest girl on Earth,” you add, fixing her messy hair.

“If you’re so jealous of me, why don’t you come along?”

“Are you kidding?” you exclaim. “I’m on my way to be the greatest doctor in this country. You can’t change my mind.”

“Alright, it’s time to go,” your father interrupts, giving you one last hug before whispering things into your ear. Hyunjin steps back to allow you say goodbye to your family, tearing up at the painful sight. Your father, a doctor, accepts an offer to work in a hospital in Germany and takes the whole family with him since your sick little sister needs more intensive treatment.

But you’re staying to become a great doctor like your father, hoping you’ll get a chance to cure your sister later.

“Please take care of her, Hyunjin. We trust you,” your mother tells him. Hyunjin nods, enveloping your hand in his. “Don’t worry, I’ll be here monitoring her every move and drag her back home whenever she spends too much time at the academy.”

Your sister laughs, bowing to Hyunjin. “I also want a boyfriend like Hyunjinoppa! Please take care of our unnie.”

You yank your hand away from him. “He’s not my boyfriend!”

Hyunjin seems unbothered by your statement, bowing to your family to annoy you more. “Our family will take care of her, you can trust us.”

Your sister’s smiling face greets Hyunjin as he enters the funeral home. He stares at the photo then closes his eyes to pray, whispering strings of apologies that’s always too late. I’m sorry I never visited you. I’m sorry I failed to take care of your sister. I’m sorry I didn’t call you enough.

He bows to your family, the first bow since years ago, and he wishes he could turn back time. Hyunjin turns to you, gazing into your tired eyes. Your mother pulls him towards you. “She hasn’t eaten at all. Can you please bring her home, Hyunjin? I hope you’re not too busy. I’m sorry that we meet like this.”

“Hyunjin just landed in Seoul. How could you force him to come here?” you snap, returning his gaze. “Go home. I’ll call you later.”

Hyunjin almost yells in frustration, but swallows everything before dragging you out, only tightening his grip on your wrist when you try to pry his hand off of you. You keep shouting at him, yelling at him to stop, but Hyunjin doesn’t budge. He drags you all the way to his car, opening the passenger door for you.

“Get in the car, Y/N.”

Without waiting for you to move, he lifts your body and sits you down, fastening your seatbelt. “Please don’t push me away,” he pleads. “Why do you always tell me go home, go back to practice, to leave… why?! I promised your parents to take care of you. I promised your sister, why aren’t you letting me do that?!”

“I never asked you to do that,” you mutter through gritted teeth, causing Hyunjin to grip your shoulders.

“You only said that to hurt me,” he replies. “Even now you’re still trying to push me away. I want to be here Y/N. Don’t you want me here?”

You avoid his eyes, keeping your gaze on your clasped hands. “Tell me,” Hyunjin challenges. “Tell me that you don’t want me to stay with you, and I’ll leave.”

He waits for you to respond, letting out a relieved sigh he doesn’t bother hiding when you shake your head. “Want you here. Thank you.”

“Have you cried?”

After your sister was born, you were told not to shed tears in front of her. Your parents always scolded you if you started crying when you saw her in pain, and after some time, it became a habit. A habit that Hyunjin absolutely despises since it makes you suppress your feelings, as if punishing you for having feelings.

“I don’t know… maybe I haven’t.”

“You lost your sister, you can cry. Your parents cried a lot too, it’s fine.”

You nod, resting your head in the crook of his neck when tears start to well up. Hyunjin presses a kiss on your temple, finding himself tearing up the moment you start sobbing, something he has never witnessed although he’s known you for almost his whole life.

“Is this your Armani suit?” you manage to voice in the middle of sobs and snorts. He takes you into his embrace, chuckling, “Yes, but you can ruin it however you want. Another privilege as my best friend.”

“Can I abuse this privilege?”

“Ruining my expensive suits?”

“No,” you laugh airily. “Crying when you’re with me.”

Hyunjin cups your wet cheeks, gently pushing your hands away when you want to wipe your tears away. “Anytime. You can cry, laugh, curse, get angry, get drunk… you can do anything when you’re with me.”

And that’s all it takes before you start sobbing into his suit again. Hyunjin is standing there for the longest time, sandwiched by the passenger seat and door of his car with you in his arms. He doesn’t care, he will do it all over again, and he will do much more. For you, and only you.

“Where are you? It’s past midnight already!”

“Hwang Hyunjin, you’re lucky I’m willing to go home when I have a morning shift tomorrow,” you scold him over the phone.

“It’s my birthday! Wait, it isn’t even my birthday anymore!” he whines in an obnoxious tone that never fails to upset you. He giggles when he hears you huff, the sound of the elevator signaling that you’ve already arrived.

“You asked me to buy you a cake right before I left,” you hiss. “Now open the door, I’m outside.”

The call ends and Hyunjin rushes to the door. You’re carrying the red velvet cake he requested, the candles already lit and Hyunjin tries not to melt at the way you look at him. He did ask you to buy him a cake and “surprise” him at your apartment, but he is nowhere near ready to see you like this: all smiley and cheery for him despite sounding annoyed over the phone.

“Happy birthday,” you sing song, your smile growing wider as he blows the candle. Hyunjin returns your smile before taking the cake from you, pulling you towards your room. “Go get changed, I’ll slice the cake for you.”

A few minutes later, both of you are seated on your couch, talking about every little thing while enjoying the cake. Hyunjin tells you about Stray Kids’ upcoming comeback, a very special one since Minho choreographed the title track. You tell him about various cases that happened in the hospital while wondering if you’ll ever finish medical school and actually be a doctor.

Everything feels the way Hyunjin expects it to be, until you put your empty plate on the table and look at him straight in the eyes. “Hyunjin…”

He quickly swallows and places his plate on the table as well, never breaking eye contact with you. “What?”

You gulp. “Do you remember when I asked you to come find me when you’re ready?”

“Feels like yesterday.”

“Well,” you murmur. “I’m just wondering if you’re… ready.”

Fire lights up in his stomach, and before you can continue, Hyunjin is already trapping you between his body and the couch. “I am,” he says. “Are you?”

You brush his fringe with your fingers. “You were waiting for me?”

“You told me to start dreaming again, so I did,” Hyunjin recalls. “And I realized that all of my dreams are right in front of me—you, my family, the hyungs, Jeongin, the fans… keeping you guys with me is something I’ll always dream of although all of you are already here.”

You pout at him, but Hyunjin doesn’t miss the proud gleam in your eyes. “Then what’s taking you so long?”

He pinches your nose. “I waited for you to be ready, as you said before, it wasn’t just about us being together. I don’t want you to choose me only because you feel like you need me. I want you to… want me… to love me with a clear head. Just like what you wanted me to do. I want to give you the world, but only if you allow me to.”

You circle your arms around his neck, sighing happily, “You gave me the world, Hyunjin. You listen to me, you console me, you give me a shoulder to cry on. You’re the only one I’ve ever waited for, and I’m so glad that you came back to me.”

Hyunjin is sure that his whole system has stopped working, the words you just uttered feel like the strongest, yet the sweetest liquor he’s ever tasted. He is drunk on the love you offer; he’s drunk on your touch, your smile and everything you want to give him. You’re driving him nuts, completely nuts, but it’s the only thing he wants to feel. You are the only one he yearns to feel.

You seem to sense his burning gaze and start nibbling on your bottom lip. “So this is the part where you kiss me…”

“This is the part where I kiss you…”

You shake your head. “This feels weird. You’re my best friend.”

“You kissed me,” Hyunjin reminds you. “It’s not like we’ve never done it before.”

“No, but—” You pause to let yourself breathe. “I kissed you. This is different, I’m not going to survive you kissing me.”

“For the love of God Y/N, just—”

You point at your lips. “And I still have my lipgloss on!”

Hyunjin is caressing your reddening cheek now, trying to destroy the last bit of your defense. “And what’s wrong with that?” he asks softly.

“It’s sticky! Our lips will get stuck and it won’t be romantic.”

“So what do you want to do? Go into your room and wipe it off with a cotton pad or something?”

“Yeah, let’s do—”

Hyunjin doesn’t let you finish as he finally dives in, capturing your lips in a searing kiss that set both of you on fire. He hums when he feels your body relax in his hold, allowing him to savor you with so much longing and want. Hyunjin lets his heart take the lead, kissing you harder whenever you tug the ends of his hair and making him putty under your touch. It never feels enough, it feels like he only gets hungrier everytime you return his kiss, the feeling of your lips moving against his almost destroys him.

Nothing is stopping him now, he came back to you and you welcomed him with open arms. Hyunjin leaves one more open mouthed kiss on your lips before pulling away with a loud pop, taking in the sight of you trying to breathe. You slowly meet his eyes with flushed cheeks, eyes mirroring his own and Hyunjin tries to remember every single detail. “God I love you so much,” he hears himself whisper.

You smile, lifting your hand to trace his face delicately. “I love you.”

“Are you mine now?” Hyunjin knows this is childish, but he wants to hear it. He longs to hear it.

Thankfully, you’re willing to play his game tonight. “Only yours.”

“No more mourning over Jung Jaehyun?”

“Jesus Christ, do you need to stoop that low.”

“Yes.” Hyunjin pecks your nose. “He doesn’t listen to K-pop, right? Introduce him to me.”

You roll your eyes. “I love you, why the hell are we talking about Jaehyun now?”

“Then what should we talk about?”

“Since we’re on a competition to ruin the mood, lemme burst your bubble: my parents are moving back in next week so we need another place to do... this.”

“Okay,” Hyunjin answers. “What are we gonna do now?”

You wrap your legs around his torso, making him gasp. “I don’t know, kiss me again? I’m gonna tell you this just once, but I, along with thousands of other people, have always wanted to kiss you. It made me feel pathetic, but it is what it is.”

Hyunjin blushes, but refuses to lose to you. “You tried to make me not kiss you a few minutes ago and now you’re desperate to kiss me. Was I that good?”

“Hmmm I guess so,” you hum.

He swiftly lifts your body, grinning when you tighten your hold around his neck. “Well, I’m yours to kiss now,” he teases, trying to walk into room without knocking into things. You leave soft kisses all over his face, prompting Hyunjin to walk faster so he could just kiss you already.

When your back hit your bed, Hyunjin stops to admire your face. “I kissed you a long time ago, don’t you remember?”

Your eyes widen. “You? Kissed me? With those plush lips? When?!”

“You don’t remember? But it was our first kiss!”

You spend the next few minutes racking your brain before nodding. “Ah, it did happen a long time ago.”

“It’s okay, maybe you wanted to forget that moment. It was your darkest time, and I probably shouldn’t have done that.”

Shaking your head, you run your thumb along his lip. “Thank you for staying with me all these years.”

Hyunjin closes the gap between you once again, hoping to chase away all the sorrow inside your soul. You pull him closer, making him practically lying on top of you, feeling your chest rise with each touch of his lips on your skin. “Thank you,” a kiss on each of your eye, “for,” a kiss on the tip of your nose, “making me,” a kiss on your lips—this time he lets it linger, “dream,” a kiss on your chin, “again,” and a kiss on your neck.

It took Hyunjin so long to understand the world, and now he still hasn’t understood even half of it. But in the middle of his journey, he met you. He learned to dream, he learned to love you.

And he learned to love himself.

The door opens with a bang, revealing an incredibly panicked Hyunjin. He just finished training when he received a call from you, who said nothing but, “I won’t let you walk home alone.” You wouldn’t end the call throughout his way home, but refused to say anything else and almost making Hyunjin dash to the police station.

Hyunjin sees your shadow, letting out a small scream when he spots you lying on the floor in the dark. He runs to you, about to carry you back into your room when you stop him. “I feel like crying,” you rasp, choking on your saliva. “I can’t stop it.”

It’s been a month since your family left, and while you’re trying your best to be a big girl and live the way you always do, it’s not easy. Hyunjin lies beside you, eyes locked on the tears rolling down your cheeks. You never cry loudly. You never sob nor wail. You just cry silently, mostly in the dark so you can’t see yourself crying.

Hyunjin takes your hand in his, hovering over you before tracing your tears with his lips as if it can stop them. He pecks every wet spot, slowly getting to your lips. He leaves a chaste, barely-there kiss before wrapping his arms around you, whispering comforting things until you start falling asleep on the hard floor.

Hyunjin hopes you’ll allow yourself to cry however you wish to someday.

a/n: i was so happy writing this that i almost cried when i finished because i know i’m going to miss writing this one. this story feels so sentimental, happy and sad at the same time and probably that’s why i feel so attached to it. ive wanted to write this since last year, even before “give my heart a chance”. i always wondered what would happen after we reach our dreams and i hope you’ll feel a little better after reading this (especially if you’re experiencing the same thing). this story is a long journey, but i hope you’ll enjoy it.

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