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ptergwen · 4 years

Text

4 times peter loved you and 1 time he said it

warnings: angst, swearing, and flash being a dickwad (love him tho)

a/n: i wasn’t sure if i would ever finish this bc i started in march? and gave up but i really like the concept so i made myself get back into it and AHH i’m really happy with how it turned out! fingers crossed y’all like too ahaha. also this is unrelated but send me requests!

to say you and peter were each other’s missing halves would be an absolute understatement. there wasn’t a secret you didn’t share, an inside joke you didn’t have, a text or call left unanswered, or a second you weren’t on the other’s mind.

it had been like that since your first day of freshman year. you took the seat next to peter in first period spanish, and the rest was history.

peter knew you better than you knew yourself. as cheesy as it sounded, it was true. he could guess what you were going to order at a restaurant before you picked up the menu. if you had a bad day, he’d come over to your place with tissues and hugs, without you having to ask. he knew all the little things.

you? you were a peter parker encyclopedia. you watched all his favorite movies so he could rant to you about them, and you’d actually understand what he was saying. whenever he felt overwhelmed by his chaotic life, you found a way to calm him.

you two were soulmates in best friend form.

best friends, nothing more.

♡ 1.

you had an arm around peter’s neck as you picked at some fruit on his lunch tray. his head was resting comfortably against your cheek, whole body leaning on you. impromtu cuddle sessions weren’t unusual for the two of you. they worked in both of your favors. peter was your own personal heater, and you were just really comfortable to nap on, in his opinion.

“are you gonna eat all my grapes? i was looking forward to those,” peter whined, taking one out of your hand. “are you gonna keep using me as a pillow?” you challenged. he responded by moving his head to your shoulder and chewing. “then, yes. i am gonna eat all your grapes.”

“you know what two people who share food are?” ned chimed in from across the cafeteria table. already knowing what he was implying, you sighed. “what, ned?” he cupped his hand over his mouth like he was about to spill the world’s biggest secret. “a couple.”

it wouldn’t be a regular day without ned trying to play matchmaker for you and peter. the idea made peter scoff. “leave us alone, man. that doesn’t even make sense.” “yes it does!” ned nudged mj for backup. she only raised her hands in defense. it was always a hard pass from her on getting involved in these types of things, unless she found a reason to.

“really? how?” you grabbed peter’s milk and took a sip just for the hell of it. he chuckled at that, forgetting he was supposed to be annoyed with you. a bit of milk dripped down your chin in the process. “oops,” you grimaced at yourself and licked it away.

something about the whole thing made peter’s heart clench. it was so... you were so... cute. cute was definitely the word he was looking for. wait, what? that was new. peter had always thought you were pretty and all, but he’d never found himself endeared like this over such a little thing you did. or had he? no. nope. it was ned’s stupid theory messing with him. that was all.

“y/n, dude, everyone knows it’s a thing. like, why else would someone give up their whole lunch? it’s flirting,” ned interrupted peter’s sudden thoughts about your cuteness. the smug look on his face made you want to throw the tray at him.

before you even joined their friend group, ned was on a mission to set the two of you up. peter described you to him and mj as “the actual sweetest girl ever. she makes me laugh a lot. you guys gotta meet her.” mj obviously ‘tsked’ at him, but a light bulb went off in ned’s head. peter was crushing. he just didn’t know it yet.

part of how you and peter got so close was that ned and mj used to back out of group plans. you’d end up hanging out alone most of the time. of course, it was ned’s idea. a successful idea, yes, but neither of you understood the obsession. apparently it was a guy in the chair’s duty to be a good wingman, and you should leave it to him. whatever that meant.

“if i remember correctly, you and your mom went halfsies on a piece of cake at your birthday party last year. what are you trying to tell us, leeds?” mj asked with a smirk. you and peter looked at each other and burst into laughter, ned’s mouth hanging open. the girl could really get someone when she wanted to.

“shut up, you guys! that’s different!” “so is y/n stealing my food and you calling it sharing,” peter made a point of saying more to you than ned. despite his words, he pushed the tray over to you. it was basically yours, anyway.

you thanked him with a pat on his cheek and popped more grapes into your mouth. in that moment, peter decided he’d get you all the grapes in the world if he could. jeez, he seriously needed to reel it in.

ned was only going to keep going now. “see that? peter’s such a sweet boyfriend. isn’t he, y/n?” he cooed and clasped his hands under his chin. you didn’t have the chance to change the topic before flash appeared at your table. he’d probably overheard your conversation. “penis parker is somebody’s boyfriend? good one.”

feeling peter tense up next to you, you put a hand on his shoulder to let him know you were there. you’d been in too many of these situations. the way flash talked to peter pissed you off in ways you didn’t think were possible. he was fine with everybody else, so why did he choose to pick on him? peter was the least deserving person of having to put up with it from anyone.

“just ignore him, okay? he’ll get bored and leave. works every time,” you reminded peter. too uneasy to say anything, he reached back and put his hand on top of yours. he tried to focus on how nice your touch felt instead of the fact that he was about to be humiliated by flash yet again.

“peter could totally get a girlfriend! he has, like, tons of girls after him,” ned attempted to back peter up, pleased with himself. groaning, peter put his head down on the table. he couldn’t bare to watch his friend destroy what was left of his social life. “you’re really pushing this now. stop talking,” mj warned in a whisper yell to ned. that didn’t stop flash from hearing her.

“she’s right. even parker agrees! look at him,” he snickered at peter’s embarrassed state. you’d had more than enough of him at that point. screw the silence. it wasn’t going to cut it for this one. while wingman ned was still making up stories, you tapped peter’s shoulder to find out how he was doing. his head remained down.

“you okay? want me to say something?” “i’m used to it, and no. i don’t wanna make you deal with him.” peter hated putting his issues on other people, but you couldn’t stand another second of listening to the things flash was saying. you cut into an argument between him and ned about peter’s body count. like his was any higher.

“fuck off, flash!” he stopped in the middle of his sentence. “huh?” “i said fuck off. anyone would be so lucky to date peter. you’re probably salty at him all the time because it’ll never be you,” you finally snapped. his tough guy persona faltered for a few seconds at your words, ned and mj taking the opportunity to high five you for telling him off.

peter was glad his head was still down because his cheeks were pinker than he’d like to admit. did you really mean that? would you be lucky to date him, too?

“what are you, president of the parker protection squad? or are you two a thing?” flash quickly recovered. there he went trying to get the last word in. the embarrassment for peter if you denied it was exactly what he wanted, but you weren’t letting him have it.

“ask me again some other time.” you plastered on a shit-eating grin and waved goodbye. unsatisfied with your answer, flash huffed his way back to his own table. after he was gone, peter looked up at you with something you’d never seen before twinkling in his eyes.

“thank you, y/n. you really didn’t have to say all of that.” “oh, no. don’t thank me. i‘d do it for you anytime. i am president of the parker protection squad, after all.” your fake smile turned into a genuine one for him. peter couldn’t help but mirror it.

his was heart doing that thing again. he guessed it was because he loved you so much, but this love felt different somehow. it wasn’t the friend kind of love he’d had for you all those years.

it was the kind of love he saw in the rom coms you made him watch when you got to pick for movie night. cupid’s love was the official name for it. when he put two and two together, the realization smacked him straight in the face. ned was right.

peter was starting to fall in love with you, and there was no way he could stop.

♡ 2.

peter was a workaholic. patrolaholic to be exact, especially when he had a reason. he’d sometimes find himself in a cycle of getting home late and going out early for days on end. he’d gotten used to the sleep deprivation. his grumbling stomach from missing meals wasn’t too big of a deal either. not when he had a city to save.

it was also a good distraction from everything else going on in his life. man, did he need a distraction. after peter came to terms with the fact that he loved loved his best friend, he narrowed it down to two options; telling you about his feelings or taking them to his grave. since the city was so busy, he was thankful he could throw himself into patrolling and not decide just yet.

may would usually only allow peter to patrol on weekends. school existed, and he had to take breaks. peter really wanted to help out more, so he proposed an idea that could potentially let him up it to the full seven days. he had to make it home in one piece every night for a trial week. that would prove to may he could handle it.

ignoring his black eye on tuesday and limp on thursday, it worked out. peter was positive he could finish off the week just fine. may didn’t have the same optimism. she decided that so much as a scratch on friday and it was strike three. friday came, and peter had impressively managed to end the day, like he thought, just fine.

he did one last swing around the neighborhood he was in, then started heading back to queens to gloat to may. on his way, he remembered he had to text you goodnight. he was bound by a pinky swear to you that he would do it every time he finished patrolling.

peter being spider-man was something you figured out only a few months after he got his powers. he technically exposed himself, and you pieced everything together. it all happened when spider-man offered to walk you home from school one day.

the way he rubbed the back of his neck while asking was a nervous habit that was oddly familiar, and urged you to say yes. you also thought it was strange how even though he didn’t ask for your address, he somehow knew where he was taking you. then again, he was spider-man. it was his job to know new york city and the people living in it.

you came to the conclusion you were making things up until he was about to leave. he walked you to the door of your apartment building and said, “stay safe, squirt.” nobody called you that besides peter. he came up with it because he had recently grown a few inches taller and could finally give you hell for being the short one.

needless to say, peter didn’t take off like he was intending to. he realized his slip up as soon as the nickname came out of his mouth. you brought him upstairs and had a long afternoon of questioning, explanations, and making promises.

peter typed out a message telling you he was fine and to go to sleep. as he was about to hit send, he swung too low and smacked his head right into a traffic light. that was what he got for texting while swinging. he could imagine mj giving him one of her famous safety lectures already, but that wasn’t first on his list of worries. he had a throbbing head and may’s third strike to deal with.

crap, may couldn’t know about this. she’d ban him from patrolling probably forever. going home was out of the question, but peter was in desperate need of an ice pack. there was already a bump forming from where the light hit him. his next choice would be to go to happy, only he couldn’t do that because he‘d tell may.

peter’s hands worked faster than his brain, and he started swinging over to your apartment. the overthinking began soon after. nobody wants to deal with a surprise appearance from their possibly concussed friend at 2 a.m. besides, what would he say? he’d barely seen you all week. it wasn’t fair to you, but it was too late to turn back.

peter landed on the sidewalk with an “oof” and crawled up the wall of your building. when he reached your window, he knocked in the same rhythm that he always did. no answer. he knocked louder. no answer again.

seeing as he had no other option, peter had to let himself in. he pushed on your window to see if it was unlocked. thank god it slid up then, but he made a mental note to remind you about keeping it locked another time. he climbed through the window with as little noise as possible so your family wouldn’t hear.

after navigating in the dark, peter pulled off his mask by the side of your bed. he instantly melted at the sight of you. your face was squished into your pillow, hair sprawled everywhere. you’d must have fallen asleep waiting for his text because you were holding your phone. peter was sure he’d never seen something so adorable.

he let himself stand there and watch the peaceful rise and fall of your chest. the bump on his head was no longer a priority. peter was utterly and completely entranced with you. god, why was he acting like this? oh, right. he was secretly in love with you.

before peter could help himself, he brushed some hair that had fallen into your eyes away with his fingers. you squirmed in your sleep, peter pulling his hand back. he was such an idiot sometimes. your eyes fluttered open and landed on him.

“peter? ‘s that you?” you squinted to see in the darkness of your room. he moved closer. your legs dangled over the bed as you slowly sat up. “yeah, it’s me. sorry to wake you.” he went to scratch his head out of nerves, but stopped when he remembered it really freaking hurt right there.

“‘s okay. i was hoping you’d come over soon. missed you all week.” you frowned at the red and blue clad boy in front of you. except for school, you hadn’t seen peter the past few days. “lots of crime to fight lately?” “missed you more, and yeah. been kicking lots of asses.” the awkwardness peter was imaging faded away when he plopped down next to you on your bed.

“how’s your eye doing? and the limp?” you turned his head towards you by his chin. he exhaled in relief. “getting better, i think. now that we’re talking about injuries...” the sleepiness was knocked out of you. you all but leapt to your feet and turned on the lamp by your bed. peter had a feeling you’d slightly freak.

“we’ve been making small talk and you’re hurt? what happened, peter?” “i-i sort of, um, i was texting you and swung into a traffic light.” “oh my god, where?” he pointed at his forehead with a weak smile. surely enough, there was a big bump. you gasped. “please don’t be mad at me.” “i’m not mad at you. just feel bad it was kinda my fault. do you think you have a concussion?”

you weren’t sure what to do beyond the mostly useless first aid videos they played in gym class. being an avenger, peter had had his share of experience with wounds. whenever he came to you hurt, he talked you through how to help him. the most you’d ever dealt with was a few particularly deep cuts. this was not the same.

“i‘m not sure. you could try that finger thing?” he suggested. you crouched down in front of him. “good idea. let’s do that.” as you waved your index finger back and forth and peter’s eyes followed it seemingly well, his mind was elsewhere. he was thinking about crawling into bed with you and sleeping in your arms.

“well, you passed or whatever they say. i’m pretty sure you don’t have a concussion. you’ll heal fast because of... you know.” you stood up and mimicked the way he shoots his webs. peter chuckled quietly. your thumb ran lightly over his bump, making him wince. “how bad does it feel?” “on a scale from one to ten it’s, like, a five and a half.”

although not what you wanted to hear, it was manageable. you hoped so, at least. “i’m gonna go get some stuff. change into comfortable clothes.” “yes, doctor y/n.” peter saluted you. you were happy to see he still felt up to joking around. biting your lip to hold back a smile, you made your way to the kitchen.

peter searched through the spare clothes he’d left here over the years. there were so many, you had to give him a drawer. he changed into pajama pants and a t-shirt, then sat back down criss cross on your bed.

you came in shortly after with a water bottle, two advil, and an ice pack wrapped in a towel. “i was kidding about the whole doctor thing, you know.” “too bad.” you handed him the advil and water. “take these. they’ll help until your magic healing powers kick in.” peter took the pills while you pressed the ice pack to his bump. he took it from you when he was finished.

“is that any better?” “much better. i’m all good. i should probably go soon.” he mumbled, not meaning it but also not wanting to overstay his welcome. you’d already done so much for him. you stopped him from getting up by putting a hand on his chest.

“what? you already changed, and i’m not sending you home to get killed by may. just stay.” “are you sure? i don’t wanna bother you anymore. it was annoying for me to come here so late in the first place.”

a frown set on your face. “peter, don’t you remember my promise?” there was a beat of silence while he thought about it. “that you’d help out with spidey stuff?” “however and whenever i can. i don’t know what made you think differently just now, but nothing’s gonna change that. doesn’t matter if it’s the middle of the night or early in the morning. i’m always here.”

only you could reassure him just like that. peter was really lucky to have you. really, really lucky.

“right. you’re right. sorry for... whatever that was.” “you apologize too much.” you poked his chest to punctuate your statement and switched the light off. “sorry for that, too,” he teased, wanting a reaction from you. “peter benjamin parker, just get in the bed.” “yes, ma’am.” that was enough before you changed your mind and threw him out.

you rolled to lay on the other side of peter. still pressing the ice pack to his head, he laid down next to you. it didn’t take long for both of you to be settled under the covers. “try not to bang into the wall or something,” you joked and pulled your comforter up to your chin.

peter puffed some air out of his cheeks, tugging more of it back. “you can’t be mean and hog the blanket.” “it’s my bed, so i actually can. i’ll hog everything.”

to prove your point, you moved over to peter until there was no room between you. both of you knew it was an excuse to cuddle. he wasn’t mad about it at all. peter opened an arm for you. you curled into his side, letting him hold you close. his whole body relaxed as you hugged him against you. “goodnight, spidey.” “night, squirt.”

♡ 3.

“what does that cloud look like to you?” you pointed up at the sky. peter’s eyes darted around as he tried to find exactly which one you were talking about. there were a lot of them, in his defense. you made a big circle with your finger around the cloud in question.

“the really curvy one. right there.” “kinda looks like a tiger. can we keep walking now?” peter tugged your arm linked in his in an attempt to move you from the spot you’d randomly stopped in. he made a whiny noise when you didn’t budge.

“i think it looks more like a horse, and no. why are you in such a rush?” furrowing your brows at him, you tightened your grip on his arm. “because some people don’t like cloud watching, grandma.” “i only asked you about one! i’m just... trying to get the most out of today.”

with college around the corner, you and peter both had a lot to do and a little bit of time to get it done. your only hangouts had become some shared extracurriculars and weekly study group with your other friends. trying to binge watch your shows together on facetime hadn’t been easy, for one thing. you fumbled to keep your phone up more than you payed attention.

on a more serious note, being apart sucked majorly. it was going to be this times a million when you would inevitably have to split up in a few months. thinking about it for too long usually made you cry.

peter was struggling in other ways. his more than a friend feelings for you were only getting stronger. having all that love and not being able to give it to you was hurting like hell, and he had to just pack everything up and act normal during the rare moments you were together. you were both going through it.

this was the first sunday in what felt like forever that you and peter were both free. you decided that the nice weather called for a meetup at central park. so, there you were, arm in arm on your afternoon stroll.

“don’t say it like that, y/n. you’re making me sad.” peter let out a breath as you rested your head on his shoulder. “that was the point.” you started walking again, peter following next to you. he kicked at pebbles while you smiled up at him. that made him smile at his feet. you were getting really good at making him flustered.

“so, did you finish that pre calc packet?” peter asked to distract himself. you lifted your head off his shoulder with a groan. “peter, we’re not talking about school for once. let’s talk about literally anything else.” “like what?” you were about to make a suggestion, but something caught your attention.

you raced over to a swingset, dragging peter along with you before he could realize where you were taking him. you stopped in front of it and threw your hands up to present it to him. he let out a breathy laugh. “when was the last time you went on one of these?” you asked, taking peter’s arm again. peter shook his head. “way too long ago.”

with a smile, you walked him over and took a seat on one of the swings. peter sat on the one next to you. you spun around in a circle to see how much you could twist the chains, peter laughing. “y/n, what are you doing?” “having fun. you should try it sometime.” he backed up to get himself started and grabbed his own chains. “i do have fun. it’s just not in the ways you think.”

you untwisted yourself to watch peter. “so, how?” “well,” he started going higher, “i like learning about stuff, even the things we have to in school.” “everybody knows that. that’s the first thing i thought of.” you did know everything possible about him.

everything except his new feelings for you, but this wasn’t the time for him to blurt that out. he was still figuring out when or if he should.

“guess i’m not gonna say i like movies, either.” “singing?” you were swinging next to him, turning it into an unspoken competiton for who could get the highest. peter slowed down a bit since he’d had a head start. “i suck. the only person who’s allowed to hear me is you.”

“it’s possible to suck at something and still enjoy it.” the breeze blew your hair around, peter seeing it from the corner of his eye. he’d always loved how carefree you were around him. it rubbed off.

“remind me to force you to do karaoke one day.” “you’re so annoying.” that motivated you to kick off harder on the ground. peter huffed and tried to catch up to you. “don’t be mean to your only source of fun.” if that wasn’t true, he would’ve came up with a comeback.

the only time peter remembered to relax was when he was with you. it was usually because you reminded him. he skidded to a stop on the swing and looked up at you.

“why’d you let me win? was that too mean?” you looked over your shoulder. “nah, i just got tired.” “oh. we can do something else now. catch me?” “sure,” peter chuckled and got off the swing. he stood in front of you on the grass and waited for you to get lower. you clenched your teeth into a nervous smile.

“ready?” “ready.” swinging towards him, you jumped off and expected to land in his arms. you ended up completely on top of him instead.

the wind was knocked out of both of you, but peter had it worse because he broke your fall. your hands were on his shoulders and one of his was around your lower back. neither of you realized the position you were in. you were too busy trying to breathe again.

“god, that hurt.” “my bad,” peter mumbled. in any other circumstance, he wouldn’t be complaining about this. “i should’ve warned you or something,” you dismissed him.

you were still hovering over peter, your lips dangerously close to his. he could’ve sworn they almost touched. that was when you got off of him. he only forced out a laugh. nothing ever went his way. you offered him a hand, oblivious to his inner conflict. peter took it and pulled himself up, falling into step next to you as you headed to another path.

that could’ve been a chance to make some sort of move, and he blew it.

♡ 4.

it hadn’t been easy for peter to move on from that day. his mind kept replaying the split second you almost kissed on an endless loop, and all he could do was come up with what he should’ve done in the moment.

things were getting to a point where he had no clue how to act around you. being your friend was hard, but becoming your boyfriend would be that much harder. his stupid feelings put him in an awkward place, and he was afraid you were starting to realize. he couldn’t lose you altogether.

you asked peter to meet you for coffee after school. it was this small place in between your apartments you’d both been to once before. they had really good cookies and an overall cozy feeling you liked. peter wasn’t sure what this was all about.

were you going to confront him? did ned say something? maybe it was a mistake to confide in his most gossipy friend about how he felt.

with a headache from stress and a heavy backpack hanging off his shoulders, peter walked into the café. he spotted you at a table near the window. you’d already taken the liberty of ordering, two drinks and a chocolate chip cookie waiting there. you looked up from your phone when peter pulled a chair out.

“hi.” you gave him a small smile and put your phone down. “i already got everything.” peter shrugged off his backpack with a grin. he sat down facing you. “thanks. sorry i’m kinda late. i had to stop at my locker.” you usually met him there. come to think of it, why hadn’t you today? you pushed peter’s drink over to him. “you’re fine. i came here early to get us a table, anyway.” phew.

peter bent the straw to his iced macchiato and took a sip. it made him feel grown up, casually drinking coffee with you over a boring conversation. adult life must’ve sucked. “so, how was the rest of your day?” he asked to fill the silence. you only had two classes without him after lunch, so that was a dumb question. he’d never had so much trouble talking to you.

“eh. betty fell asleep on me during this cold war documentary we had to watch.” “didn’t she say american history is her favorite?” you broke off a piece of the cookie with a laugh. “not after that. what about your day?” the light from the window was shining directly on you, blocking out everything else from peter’s view. he wanted to tell you how beautiful you were so bad, but that would be creepy.

you took a bite of your cookie and raised an eyebrow. he was staring. “uh, nothing interesting. i’m gonna patrol a little bit later.” peter sipped his drink again. you clicked your tongue and let out a breath. “that’s all you do these days.” he knew you were catching on to how off he’d been. what was he supposed to say? it would’ve helped if he’d prepared a few excuses.

“just trying to help out while i’m still here.” that was a half truth. “yeah, but you should still take some time for yourself.” you ripped open your straw wrapper and blew it at peter. he caught it just before it hit his face. rolling your eyes, you put the straw into your drink. “i hate your reflexes sometimes.” he shrugged one of his shoulders casually. “jealousy is a disease.”

neither of you said anything for a few minutes. you stared out the window while peter finished the rest of the cookie. he could tell something was on your mind. whenever you were deep in your thoughts, you sort of zoned out like this.

he was too nervous to ask you what was wrong because of the conversation you just had. it sounded like you had already considered he was being distant before today. his feelings aside, he needed to reassure you. that was more important.

“y/n?” you turned your head to look at him. “yeah?” peter’s gaze shifted from you to his thumbs twiddling in his lap. “i know we’ve both been really... busy lately, but i’m still here. don’t forget that.” a hint of a smile played on your lips. you would’ve hugged him if you could reach. “thank you, peter. i kinda needed to hear that.” he nudged your leg under the table. “of course. hey, you wanna come with me tonight?”

a couple of hours later, you were in peter’s arms on a rooftop that was much higher up than it looked. he insisted on taking you for a swing so you could get the full experience. he’d been trying to get you to do this for the longest time, so he wondered what made you agree today. you wanted to find out what was so enjoyable about it.

“i trust you, but you’re not gonna drop me, right?” your legs were around his waist, and he had one hand supporting you by your back. that wasn’t terrifying at all. you grabbed peter’s shoulders, the idea of it making you nervous. he wrapped his arm tighter around you.

“oh my god, no. i can always web you back up.” “peter! that’s not funny.” even behind the mask, you could tell he was smirking. “you’re always safe with me, squirt. don’t worry.” you brought your arms up to loop around his neck.

“i feel better now.” “good. i’m gonna jump when we get to the edge, okay?“ your whole body stiffened up. peter could sense it. as excited as he was to share this with you, he didn’t want to make you feel pressured. “or we don’t have to do it.” his voice was quiet. you tried to relax in his hold. “i’m just gonna close my eyes. i think that’ll help.” “we’re about to find out.”

peter started walking towards the edge of the building with you holding on even tighter to him, your eyes squeezed shut. he kept finding himself in situations where he was close to you in the ways he’d been wishing for, but never for the same reasons. it was bittersweet.

he bit down on his lip and aimed his free hand at a building. you squealed when he leaned back. “i’m jumping now,” he prepared you, and before you could respond, you were in the air. you hid your face in peter’s chest the second you felt yourself pretty much flying.

“what the fuck, you like this?” you had to yell so he could hear you. peter shot another web to keep swinging. “it’s really not that bad! try looking up!” he shouted back, clearly amused.

grip tightening around his neck, you slowly pulled your face away from him. he kept you close as he swung. you somehow convinced yourself you weren’t going to die by looking at something besides peter. your eyes landed on the sky behind his head.

the sun was almost completely set, deep pink and orange merging together against the glowing lights of the city. you were finally understanding why he liked this so much. it was beautiful.

peter peeked at you for a second to check on you. he swore his heart was going to explode out of his chest. the look of adoration on your face, it was even better than the view. it was the view. the little moments where peter got to see you this way made him realize how in love with you he really was.

“this is... wow. i get it now,” you laughed in disbelief, watching as the city whirled past you. peter smiled so big it hurt. “pretty awesome, huh?” one of your hands slid back down to his shoulder. “take me with you more often.”

♡ 5.

peter licked his lips out of habit as he held the door open for may, who was following behind him with a look of pride. he was about to graduate high school. the ceremony was being held in a really nice stadium-like place. trying to find it added minutes on to the parker tradition of being late to everything important.

peter wasn’t as concerned with his tardiness as he was with finding you.

while he tossed and turned in bed the night before, he went over his whole school year in his head. that meant little things and big things. he was starting to drift off until he remembered a conversation with ned a few weeks back. they decided on a deadline for peter to tell you about his feelings, and it was before graduation.

they chose it because if peter got rejected, he’d be over it by the time college started. that was the goal.

it wasn’t that peter had changed his mind. it was that he completely forgot. he didn’t have a solid plan for what he should do. these things needed to be decided way in advance. he ended up pulling something together last minute because it was you. plus, this extra pressure gave him the push to go through with it. somewhere between steps seven and eight, he passed out.

may rushed him to get ready because he’d slept past his alarm. the whole morning was a mess, and he had at most fifteen minutes to confess his love to you by the time he got there.

“you should go make sure you’re marked here. i’ll see you after. love you.” may pressed a kiss to his cheek and half-jogged to the auditorium for a seat. he squeezed her arm and headed off to check in. your whole grade was already lined up along the walls for what looked like miles. the deal was to tell you before graduation. he still had about ten minutes.

peter walked past hundreds of students with his heartbeat thumping in his ears. everyone was in alphabetical order, so it didn’t take too long to find you. relief washed over you when you saw peter. you were worried he wouldn’t show up at all. his cap was in his hand, hair getting tangled from running his fingers through it. he looked at you with pleading eyes.

“finally, i’ve been trying to call you all morning. where were you?” your tone was dripping with concern. “i overslept. there’s something i gotta tell you, y/n.” he gulped. you smiled in a way that was kind of pitying. “we’re about to start going inside. i- you have to wait, pete. go get lined up.”

this wasn’t how it was going to end. not again.

he looked around to see who was watching, then he grabbed your wrist. “peter, what are you-“ “just come with me really quick.” despite yourself, you let him lead you down the hallway. you dodged a couple of teachers having a conversation and went into a bathroom that was vacant by some chance. he let go of you after the door shut. you stood behind it while he walked over to a sink.

it was making you anxious to not be out there. you could be late. peter was the same way when it came to school, so you knew this had to be pretty serious. you gave up the battle with yourself and made your way over to him. he was looking at himself in the mirror, trying to get a stray curl back in place.

“let me help.” you stood next to him. he turned to face you, that same look of urgency still in his eyes. you used two fingers to brush through his hair. there was so much gel that it was wet enough to mess with. you smiled a bit and took your hand out of his hair. his hand was gripping the sink.

“you look good, pete. you smell good, too.” “so do you.” his voice was lower than usual. you flattened out the material of your blue gown. “thanks. so, talk to me. what’s up?”

the question was so simple, but way too many answers were running through peter’s brain. he wasn’t even sure he’d have enough time to explain everything now. this was why he needed a written out and carefully crafted plan.

but, like he said to himself last night, this was you. his best friend in the entire world and any other that might exist. the person who’s been there for his most embarrassing moments, and who’s been responsible for some of his best ones. if he couldn’t finally say the three words he’d said to you so many times before, what was the point?

his fingers drummed a steady rhythm while he mustered up the last remaining bit of courage in him. you watched him expectantly, waiting for him to say something. “just, um...” he was stalling. he pulled his hand off the sink. “i... love you.” peter only glanced at you for a second, too afraid to see your reaction. “i love you, too. is everything okay?” his heart sank. you thought he meant it in the friend way.

that was what he got for being so terrible with words.

“no, y/n. not like that.” he blurted. you were lost. peter pressed his back against the wall and sat down. confused and equally worried, you sat next to him on the floor. “then what do you mean? you’re scaring me.” he checked the watch may made him wear to see how much time was left before graduation. four minutes. he really should’ve woken up on time.

“we have to get back in line soon. i don’t wanna miss-“ “i love you, y/n. i’m in love with you.” a weight that had been on peter’s chest for months was lifted just by saying it. you squinted your eyes at him, but said nothing.

“i’ve been trying to tell you for a while, and it’s okay if you don’t feel the same. i just had to say it.” “fuck, are you serious?” you sounded what peter could only describe as disappointed. yeah, it was unrequited. here came a summer of crying. “i was gonna tell you first.”

peter’s breath hitched in his throat, and he swore you could hear it. he was so sleep deprived that it felt like he was hallucinating. you shook your head as heat came to your cheeks.

“how long have you...” peter trailed off, an eye crinkling smile interrupting him. “that day we went for coffee. something clicked, so i thought for a while and figured it out. i think i’ve loved you for a really long time.”

you inched closer to peter, just barely resting your head on his shoulder. for once, you felt like the shy one. he put his hand on top of yours. his thumb traced over each of your fingers. “i’d ask you out, but you know. we don’t really have time.”

“peter, it won’t take that long.” you giggled. he squeezed your hand in his. “hm. y/n, would you wanna go out with me after this?” you thought about teasing him for it, but he was right. you had to go. that was the friend still in you. “i’d love to go out with you, peter.”

with that, you both jumped to your feet and ran out of the bathroom. you were still holding hands, and a few classmates made faces when you rushed past them to get to your spots. you exchanged one last smile with peter before lining up.

the person in front of you said everybody was looking for you two. honestly, you didn’t care all that much. you were too excited for your date later. peter already knew he’d be checking his watch throughout the whole ceremony.

it was a best friend and soulmate thing.

#tom holland #peter parker #tom holland fluff #tom holland smut #tom holland fic #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #tom holland writing #spiderman #peter parker imagine #peter parker x you #peter parker x reader #peter parker angst #peter parker fluff #peter parker smut #marvel #mcu #tom holland oneshot

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ushiwakaout · 3 years

Text

WARNINGS: age gap, student x teacher (platonic then romantic) SPOILERS FOR MANGA CHAPTERS 280+

probably really bad spelling

Ok bitches, it’s midnight and my mind is ROLLING.

This obviously has to do with bakugo. I’m a bakugo kinny so don’t @ me plz.

I really do be thinking that he’d fall in love with his teacher. But like let me explain.

You’re one of his teachers but you aren’t a hero, 100% a vigilante bc you don’t believe in the Hero morals bc you think they are a little twisted. You’re the only teacher in UA who’s not a “real” hero, personally i think Aizawa is a vigilante bc in the beginning we see that he doesn’t like Toshinori and i think it has to do with his Hero ways.

ANYWAYS, getting out of pocket here.

After the UA festival you have a big soft spot for bakugo and midoriya (especially bkg but don’t tell deku). One day he accidentally fell asleep in class bc he’s been having nightmares and you notice. Ofc you do- he’s basically your kid smh. You don’t even bother to wake him and you threaten the ones who try, especially denki and mineta. Your quirk revolves around blood manipulation but u can make it into a physical form (i guess like elsa but w blood/ u can manipulate not just yours) So when they try to wake up bakugo you just put two scary blood creatures beside them and they threaten them for you. If class is over and he’s still asleep, deku looks a little worried but you pat his shoulders and let him know it’s okay.

not you waking him up with a blood figure bc your scared of him 😔 just a lil

he obviously wakes up startled with the blood beside him, unknown to you, it reminded him of the Sludge villain. you rush to his side and start to apologize, stroking his hair but he just slaps your hand away. He’s not used to this type of affection. “Bakugo.... Are you sleeping alright?” He obviously doesn’t crack under the first attempt and decided to leave, calling you an old hag nun the less. He’s muttering “Why should you care?” and “Mind your business old hag.” Mind you, youre only like 7 years older than he is. (Bakugo is 16, aka the oldest of the class making you 23, one of the youngest teachers too) You only stop him seconds before he’s out the door to let him know that he can talk to you when he wants to. Obviously flips u off bc he doesn’t see you like an elder like Aizawa or All Might.

The fourth time Bakugo is distracted or falls asleep, he slips up. You wake him after Iida complained to you about not waking him up, low key threaten him too- u know that he almost murdered stain 💀 shuts him right up. You stroke his hair this time, trying to be gentle and not startle him like last time. You ask if he’s okay again and that’s when he slips up, “Just nightmares n stuff...” He is NOT fully awake or conscious, so he kinda frazzled up again and we are back to our regular program of Bakugo barking in your face to mind your business. But you don’t expect him to say thank you right before he walks out the door. You’re like ????? that’s new.

It’s probably the last time bakugo falls asleep is when he starts developing a crush on you. You run your hands through his hair again and he kinda rubbed into it like a cat being pet behind the ears. Both of you are like 👁👄👁

He BOLTED. No way he had just developed a crush on his teacher. No fucking way. Try’s to distance himself from you. Doesnt sleep in you class anymore. Doesnt ask you for your help or anything. You don’t mind since it seems like he’s getting by better than he was before.

But when he gets captured by the LOV and youre at camp w aizawa as extra help and you don’t see bakugo back with the rest it’s like a piece of your heart was ripped out. ( BTW in this point in time the feelings you have for bakugo ARE NOT ROMANTIC, it’s kinda like Eri and Aizawa situation, you unintentionally took bakugo under your wing and care for him a little bit more than the rest)

You don’t sleep until you find him. You’re at the press conference and you’re blood begins to boil when they said bakugo would become a villain. You spoke over Aizawa “I can assure you that you can drop those theories and accusations of my student. Bakugo Katsuki is talented and strong willed. What you saw during the festival was a mier fragment of who he really is. He’s a good kid who wants to be the number one hero one day... he wouldn’t give that up to be a villain.”

“And how do you know this fire sure, (hero/name)”

“I know my student better than anyone.”

When you hear that Midoriya, Iida, Momo, Kirishima and Todoroki went on a rescue mission to save Bakugo- you freak out. You paced all night until All might won the battle against AFO. Shota called you in the middle of the night to let you know that Bkg was gonna be in the hospital for the night. You rushed over there and once again your blood began to boil- you overheard the converstantion with him and his mother. Her calling him weak. What kind of mother was she?

you purposely walked in, “Oh sorry... You must be the Bakugos, I’m H/N- his teacher.” Mitsuki shook your hand and so did Masaru. You guys chatted a little before they left. “Your fathers such a sweet guy... how’d he end up with your mom?” Bakugo chuckled, “Old hag basically jumped on him at work.” You two chuckled together.

A very long chat between you too happened. More on how he was feeling and how you worried about him. At this point Bakugo knew that he could confide in you... He looked down at his lap and he began to sniffle. Something you where NOT expecting. “It’s all my fault... All might lost his power because of me... Becahse i was weak.” You heart ached for him UGH. Taking his hand in his, “Bakugo you are not weak... You’re the strongest kid I know. This isn’t your fault. If anything it’s mine... I couldn’t protect you kids fast enough... I’m sorry.” Caressing his cheeks. “It’s getting late. Get some sleep bakugo.” Youre about to let go of his hands but his grip gets tighter. “Don’t make me say it old hag.” He mutters before you chuckle a little and sit back down. You fall asleep you head on the edge of his bed, still in your chair while he finally began to drift to sleep. Your hand now in his.

When he figured out Deku’s secret he has one condition. “We tell L/N”

Deku’s like ??? “You mean H/N??? But kacchan!”

“No buts deku! We tell L/N or i tell everyone.”

“All Might! Do something!”

“I trust her”

“HA! Stupid deku!”

Bakugou’s kinda excited to tell you while y’all have tea and discuss Deku’s quirk but your sipping your tea when they tell you and your like “Oh, yeah i kinda figured that out myself... You guys are really bad at hiding a secret.” Bakugo calls the irresponsible and the rest is history 💀

Also you side intern w a 1-B student Shiozaki bc y’all have manipulation quirks and he gets mad jealous 💀💀 also hates that u intern w Vlad King and hang out w Hawks WAY TOO MUch

If he’s ever around you guys and Hawks starts flirting OH MAN bakugou with start to bark.

Hawks is the first person to notice his crush and he tells you and your like “Pft BAKUGOU?? You’re crazy!” but then you low key begin to notice small things that you didn’t before and your like oh- Oh shit.... this ain’t good

“Bakugo, have lunch with me will you?”

Denki and mineta make dirty jokes and you slap both of them w your shadows before the exit class.

You’re both mid into your bento box as you just blurt it out “Do you fancy me Kacchan?” yes u intentionally call him kacchan bc he chokes on the spici bento u made him. “Oh wow... hawks was right...”

“WHAT DID THAT BIRD BRAIN TELL YOU”

“Just told me you had a crush on me... Didnt believe him until now...” You eat a little more bento and just put it down bc ur don’t like the tension in the room. “Bakugo you know nothings going to happen between us right? You’re my student and i care about you. I obviously favor you but that’s all it’s gonna be.”

“Watch your mouth old hag. I’m 18 in two years, let’s see if i don’t come back and bite you in the ass.”

you burst out laughing and he just barks at you for laughing at him. “You will not my dear bakugo. Unless you graduate top of your class, turn 21 and make an image for yourself, then we’ll talk.”

“Mmm i promise ima gonna follow you till u love me too, L/N.”

“you’re disgusting, eat your bento.”

SPOILERS FOR MANGA CHAPTER 280 and ONGOING

You’re horribly injured. Gashes and blood spilling from your wounds as you watch Midoriya fight a battle alone with Shigaraki. Bakugo is sitting you up between his legs, making sure you don’t pass out. Your blood isn’t regenerating your wounds like it usually would. Your body has its limits and you’ve almost passed them.

But when Aizawa goes out cold, Deku claims Nanas float quirk, it’s up to you and Endevor to keep everyone safe, even if your body is screaming at you to sleep and rest.

There’s a moment when you see bakugo look at you when he sees that his child hood friends is in grave danger. “Don’t... BAKUGO!” He’s already in the air and your blood whips aren’t fast enough to move them. Shigaraki is faster and pieces through his chest and abdomen... It’s like you could feel it. “NO!!BAKUGO!!!” Everyone around you can hear the horror in your voice as you push yourself up in the air w the rest of your energy and catch him in your arms before anyone else does, but your body feels limp, luckily enough Todoroki Shoto is seconds behind you and catches the both of you safely.

At this point you can’t even tell who’s blood is on your hands. “You idiot.... Damn it ... Hey, hey you’re alright, look at me Bakugo. You can’t leave me too kid.” If it weren’t for your regeneration you’d probably be passed out the way he is right now. “We’re gonna get you to safety alright.... You gotta keep your promise... as stupid as it is.”

The second your feet step into a medical, everyone is looking at the both of you in horror. You tears a falling onto him and you just look like a tired mess. “Please take him. No- No not me, him! He needs help not me, please.” The doctors are quick and they try to help you but you keep screaming that it’s bakugo that needs help and when he’s not in your arms anymore and you see him getting the help you need that’s when your body collapses into the arms of a doctor.

Once everything is over and everyone is safe. You’re the last one out of the group who wakes up, which frightens bakugo. He’s in his room and he’s nagging you at his nurse to let him see you (your legit a curtain over) but she keeps saying that you need rest and blah blah. “Let the kid in nurse.” You croak and bakugo almost falls off his bed to get to you.

he regrets his decision. you look pissed. “You could have died.” was the first thing you tell him when you see him. “Do you know how selfish that was Bakugo? You could have died in my arms? Did you even think about that-

“My body moved in it’s own...”

*silence*

“I had to do something...”

You start tearing up, “get over here you stupid pomeranian.”

After that you watch Bakugo from afar, you give up you job in UA. You felt unworthy to have that position especially when you couldn’t save your student for the second time. Sometimes bakugo calls you and ask where you are while he’s on a grocery run. “I’m a lot closer than you think Kacchan, now get home safely, it’s getting dark.” You hang up in him and follows him back to UA, making use he’s fine.

This goes on for two year until he graduates. He’s taking pictures with his friends and aizawa gives him a box. “What is this?” he shrugs. “She just dropped it off.” He walks away leaving bakugo confused.

He opens the box and it’s a picture of you and him that Toshinori may have taken while you laughed together eating your bento. Behind the picture, there’s ink w your hand writing “give it back in 3 years” and inside there’s ring hanging on a necklace, he chuckles while reading the next note “p.s i’m not proposing. i just want something else to look forward to other than your presence”

“stupid hag.” he mutters before pulling the necklace over his head and tucking it into his graduate uniform. his hand is over the necklace and you see his smile from the top of the UA roof. When he looks up, he sees you. You smile softly and disappear when he blinks- he was afaid that would happen.

the next three years go by a lot quicker than he realizes. He’s interning under the agency you created w hawks but your no where to do seen. You’re never. in office.

and when april 20th hits, it’s the first time people see you in the office in three years and you go directly to Bakugos cubicle. You place a white box in front of him and smile “Happy birthday Dynamight.” His eyes widen when he locks eyes with you. Your hair is different, you look more like a woman than you did 5 years ago. he’s speechless and u just chuckle and roll your eyes. “My necklace, Kacchan.”

“I want my birthday present first.”

“What are you talking about, the box is your present now hand over my neck-“

“that’s not what i’m talking about.”

“the what-”

all eyes are on you two when pulls you into a kiss that he’s been holding onto for five years. “This necklace is mine now, just like you are. I promised you didn’t i?”

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obeymematches · 3 years

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yoyo!! is it oke if i can request a matchup? my pronouns are she/her. im very calm, caring and very motherly!! im natrually very soft spoken even when im not trying to be but ive been told my voice is very soothing and nice to listen to. im also very goofy, optimistic and excitable. i also tend to get emotional if im happy or really calm, and i'll end up crying a little. (if a dog or cat wants me to pet them ill cry a bit or if i see a very nice scenery like a waterfall in person) i have a habit of putting others before my own well being. it's also extremely hard to anger me and i'm very patient. i do however have a tendency to over analyze and overthink certain things though not as much. i have some light freckles but they get hidden under my glasses so they're only noticable up close and i also have really deep dimples on my cheeks and they show when i smile!! i really love to draw, paint, and i really love poetry as well and i do cosplay occasionally. i also have this weird guilty plessure thing with classical music ( i love all types of music but sometimes beethoven don't miss 💃😌🤚) ah!! also i do have a very big habit of giving many gifts!! bc i feel like words aren't enough to express myself, and how much i care about to the ppl i care about. ahh idk what else to say so that's enough outta me please take your time and i hope you have a wonderful day!! and remember to eat and drink water my friend!! ^u^💚✨

hiii you have been waiting for so long i’m not sure if you are still into this game or not- sorry;

anyways i’m doing 1 match-up for now & we’ll see when i’ll get to the rest <3 (i had a sudden urge to do match-ups but this won’t last for long so gotta make the best out of it ghjk)

ok so i decided to match you with Lucifer and let me elaborate why!

Tbh I think the best matches for him are optimistic and excitable ppl like you! Also being goofy is a nice bonus you have going on. It is important because like this you can became his light, you know he has so much to deal with but all you ever do to him is brighten his day? (and you don’t even have to try) like ok queen how can he not fall in love-

I think he’d find your crying tendencies adorable but he is probably concerned a little bit under the surface. Like it’s cute how you have soo many feelings but also! don’t waste your tears! though i don’t think this would lead to any fights so that’s fine

okay so this dynamic is about taking care of each other because you both put everyone before yourselves and that’s no good- though when you want to do so don’t make it way too obvious because he has an ego to keep up.

I think you being calm and patient are also a good foundation as there are no fights due to impatience. Yes he can get impatient sometimes though... but I think he’ll have so much respect for you for keeping your calm when he can’t. With him respect is an important part of a relationship. Like instead of raising your voice you keep your soft spoken adorable one and that reminds him that uh. he needs to do better than get impatient when it’s not called for. help him improve girl!!!

You being patient is also an asset when it comes to him being a tease with you- he means well but in case he crosses a line it’s better to simply&calmly let him know. it’ll be fine.

When it comes to expressing himself Lucifer is as simple as a man can be. Like if he doesn’t like you, you will know. You won’t have to analyze anything. Same when it comes to him liking you!!!

He is one of the 2 demons who were confirmed (as far as i know) to like glasses on their partner / being a fan of glasses. (the other being Levi) listen this is so silly and minor but it’s important. it catches his attention right away. (i have to mention this because. i’m still processing the fact that my bf of 2 yrs told me the first thing that made him like me were my friendship bracelets and my glasses. i---)

I think your hobbies are something he can support, like nothing too wild, in fact you might get him to indulge in some of them w you! <3

finally he has someone to enjoy music with in peace <3 get ready to dig deep in the classicals!

As for his love languages, I’m not sure if he is big on recieving gifts but obvi he is smart enough to realize / talk to you about love languages so there aren’t going to be difficulties if they aren’t on par.

#the time of me replying to 1 matchup has finally come #my job here is done #obey me #obey me matchups #om! matchups #obey me lucifer #om! lucifer #lucifer swd #om! swd #obey me!

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spinbitchzu · 3 years

Text

citrus kisses

Darling, you don’t need to say what you mean, ‘cause your kisses taste like tangerines. Aka: cole’s love language is tart and sweet and reminds Kai of things he thought he’d lost.

hey uhhh so. I don’t write ninjago fic often but apparently when i do, it’s about the inherent romanticism of peeling an orange and also action-oriented love languages. anyway you know the drill. lavashipping, a bit over 2k words. unbeta’d bc we die like men.

The oranges that grew in Ignacia grew in huge groves.

It’s one of Kai’s only memories with his whole family: walking between his parents in the long aisles stretching between the lines of trees, Nya’s tiny, chubby hand clasped carefully in his own as she toddled along beside him. The smell of oranges was everywhere, and that day they picked enough to last them for weeks and weeks.

He can still recall his dad’s hands braced around his ribs as he hoisted Kai up to pick a Valencia orange bigger than his head from a high branch, eyes squinting against the bright sun on his face. He’d felt such pride that day, as he carried his treasure around for all to see.

He remembers summers of frothy fresh-squeezed orange juice in the morning, afternoons of fragrant orange cake, and evenings of carefully-partitioned segments that exploded juice on his tongue. His mom used to make ambrosia for Saturday morning breakfast, the orange slices piled high with coconut shavings and thick, fluffy whipped cream. She’d scold him when he peeled the oranges himself; his forceful little thumbs always dug too far into the flesh and sent the juice squirting everywhere. Instead, she clucked her tongue and peeled it for him with easy, deft movements while he sucked the stickiness off his fingers.

Those days—patchworks of hot nights and sunshine through the kitchen windows and the smell of citrus on his mother as she leaned in to kiss him goodnight—they’re days Kai can hardly remember the older he gets.

After his parents disappeared, no one took Kai and Nya to the Valencia groves; no one whipped the cream for ambrosia; no one lifted him to the highest branches for the best oranges. He simply had to wait until he was tall enough to reach them himself.

He doesn’t think about those memories very often, and Nya was so young, he doubts she remembers it at all. It’s not like he ever gets a summer off to return home either, so instead he lets the memory fade until it’s almost entirely forgotten. He locks it in the part of his brain that he’s sectioned off because it’s too painful to keep clinging to when things were that good. It’s okay.

The past tastes like oranges and coconut cream, and Kai has left it behind.

...

Kai forgets why they’re making a stop over Ignacia, but it just so happens that the nearest rural area place for them to moor is over the Valencia groves he had nearly forgotten about.

He stands at the front of the ship, leaning over the railing with his chin propped up on his pillowed arms to study the trees extending in every direction, the dark leaves bejewelled with not-quite-ripe January oranges. The sun overhead is more of a pale, cold disk, and Nya is somewhere below-deck, but it makes him melancholy anyway.

Footsteps approach from behind him—heavy but soft: Cole. He leans over the railing beside Kai, bracing his forearms against the wood as he surveys the landscape. “Hey. Whatcha doin’ out here, stranger?”

“Just lookin’,” he murmurs back. He hums to himself. “Did you know I used to come to this grove with my family as a kid?”

“I didn’t even know you liked oranges,” Cole replies, giving him a sideways glance. He smiles when Kai glances back, dark eyes crinkling. “Do you want to go down now? I’m sure we could grab a few and no one would miss ‘em.”

“Nah, that’s alright,” Kai says with half a grin. “They’re not ripe. And I don’t like oranges that much anyway. Too hard to peel. They just made me think about—things I hadn’t let myself think about for a while.”

“What kind of things?” Cole asks, nudging him with an elbow.

The touch grounds him and he’s grateful for it. He shrugs in a way that’s neither here nor there. “Just things. Home, I guess. My life? Before all the...ninja stuff.”

“Is that a good thing?” Cole tilts his head. In this light, his eyes turn from obsidian to sunlight through whiskey as he waits for an answer.

Kai makes a contemplative noise. “I don’t know. Hurts less than I expected, after everything. It’s bittersweet.” He sighs then, shoulders falling with the motion. “It really is making me miss oranges, though. I don’t know why I lied before—I really do like them.”

He looks back at the groves below and misses the look Cole gives him—measured and curious.

“What about you, do you like oranges?”

“Some. The sweet ones.”

“You’d like these ones, then,” Kai tells him, cheeks rising as he smiles. “The oranges from Ignacia are the biggest, sweetest ones around. They’re good just by themselves, but my mom made a mean ambrosia with them.”

“I bet Zane could replicate the recipe if you told him what it was,” Cole replies.

Kai just shrugs. “Maybe so. He’s sharp like that.”

They fall silent. Kai can physically feel Cole worrying about him and his rare bout of melancholy, so he squares his shoulders and musters up a grin. “Hey, Cole, you—,”

“You don’t have to,” is what Cole interrupts him with, paired with a weighted look that settles around him like a blanket. “I don’t mind the quiet. You’re allowed to, Kai.”

All the feigned bravado drains out of him. Kai stares at him for a second and wonders when Cole got so good at gauging his moods. There’s so many words unspoken inbetween what he says and that earnest, draping look in his eyes and Kai kind of aches with it.

“Okay,” he says instead, shoulders slowly falling. His chin dips to rest on his crossed forearms again and he leans into it when Cole slips as arm around him. “Okay.”

The nippy January wind dances around them, stirring their hair and whipping at their gis, but Kai tips his head against Cole’s shoulder and feels warm down to his toes.

...

“Holy crap, what the hell did you do?” Kai can’t help asking a week later, as Lloyd and Zane walk into the kitchen carrying groceries.

“There was a sale on tangerines at the grocery store,” Zane answers primly, setting his paper bag on the counter. “I thought it prudent to take advantage of it.”

“We have like a hundred pounds of these things,” Lloyd adds, setting his own bag down. “We’re going to be eating tangerines until we get old and grey.”

“Zane, man, you know I love a sale as much as the next guy, but this is a little overboard,” Cole says as he comes in, two more bags of tangerines hoisted on his shoulders. Kai does not stare, thank you very much, as much as he’s been finding it kind of hard to avoid when it comes to Cole and lifting things recently.

“Proper intake of vitamin C is important in preventing scurvy,” Zane replies, though he’s blinking the way he does when he’s getting embarrassed. “It’s a common illness in sailors.”

“Does that still apply if the ship can fly?” Lloyd wonders.

“Or if we’re in the twenty-first century?” Kai adds wryly, eyebrows high.

“I’m sure we’ll find some way to finish them all,” Cole pipes up. “Don’t worry about it, Zane.”

“I was not.” Zane turns away to put away the rest of the groceries while Kai and Cole exchange an amused look. As he bustles back and forth, Kai grabs a tangerine from the bag behind him and turns it over in his hands, studying the way the light catches on the dimpled rind.

“Hey,” Kai says quietly, leaning across the kitchen counter. “Did you do this?”

Cole just shrugs with a crooked grin. “I didn’t do anything. You know Zane and sales. Can’t resist ‘em.”

“You did,” Kai deduces, eyeing his teammate’s reddening ears. He feels his expression soften. “You didn’t have to.”

“Maybe I wanted to,” Cole says in response. He reaches over Kai, coming very, very close, until their noses are close enough to brush. His eyes are very dark and very close and Kai would very much like to kiss him right now.

“Um, uh,” Kai says, very eloquently.

“Not in the kitchen, please,” Zane calls from the pantry, because he hasn’t a romantic bone in his body (or any bones, to be fair to him).

Cole just grins and pulls back, displaying the tangerine he’d grabbed from behind Kai with a flourish. “I’m heading to the training deck. See you around, Hot Stuff.”

“R-right,” he mumbles (like an idiot), fighting the heat settled in his cheeks. He watches Cole go and feels distinctly like an opportunity has sailed over his head.

...

Cole smells like oranges these days.

Kai only notices because that isn’t his normal smell, which is much more organic soaps and something earthy and fresh. It’s a smell that clings to the hoodies Kai keeps pilfering from his closet—comforting in its familiarity.

The abrupt invasion of tangy citrus makes him do a double take the first time he smells it. And then he reaches into the pocket of the hoodie and finds a tangerine. It’s store bought, with a little sticker on the side, and it’s not exactly a strange sight for any reason, but it sort of confounds him.

“Hey,” he says, walking into the kitchen, the object of confusion held gingerly in his hand. “Is this a tangerine?”

Cole looks up from where he’s making a sandwich and raises an eyebrow. “Is that my hoodie?”

“I asked first,” Kai replies quickly, before he has time to pink up.

“I mean, yeah, five points for powers of deduction,” Cole says cheekily. “Congratulations, it’s a tangerine. We gotta finish them somehow, don’t we?”

“I—yeah,” Kai says absently. Cole holds out a hand for it and he tosses it over wordlessly, before he even thinks too much about it.

“You said they’re hard to peel, right?” Cole asks, digging his nails into the rind. He peels it in the shape of a flower and then splits the orange in half with his thumbs to hold out to Kai. “Here.”

Kai looks down at the segment being offered to him in an open palm and then back at Cole with his earnest, crinkly-eyed smile, and feels something stutter fatally in his chest.

“Thanks,” he manages to say, as his heart cracks open to let sunshine stream all in, filling his ribcage with warmth.

He bites into the fruit and feels his mouth fill with juice and thinks about how his mother used to peel oranges when he was too clumsy to and then about how Cole leaves tangerines in the pockets of the hoodies he knows Kai will steal and peels them for him in the shape of a flower, even though it turns his nails all yellow. He thinks of it so hard he forgets to make a face that doesn’t show about seven years of adoration on it and when he looks back at Cole, he’s already looking back with realization blazing across his expression.

“Kai?” he asks, voice wavering as his throat bobs with his nervous gulp.

“Yeah,” he agrees, and then grabs Cole by the collar of his shirt and kisses him, soft and open-mouthed, across the kitchen island. He’s so filled up with sweet oranges and sunlight and the heat of Cole’s skin that he forgets to even be afraid of this, as much as it’s frightened him in his fantasies. He stops being afraid of it altogether when Cole sighs into his mouth and cards a hand through his hair.

When they finally draw back, Cole’s pupils are blown huge and dark and he’s looking distinctly Kissed with a capital K. Kai would very much like to continue that endeavor.

“You taste like oranges,” Cole chuckles as he tugs Kai around the island to pull him closer.

You taste like home, he wants to say, but then Cole leans over him to cup his jaw and kiss him breathless, and Kai decides to let it go unspoken. There are more important things to attend to.

…

In the early summer, Cole and Kai negotiate with the others for a three-day vacation in early June. They drive in a rented car to the Valencia grove outside Ignacia and pick enough oranges to last the ship for weeks. Cole boosts him on his shoulders to help him reach the huge oranges at the tree tops and they laugh the whole time, chasing each other through the orchard and trading citrus kisses. Kai wonders if it’s possible to burst with happiness.

“I’m sick of eating oranges,” Lloyd complains when they come home bearing the (literal) fruits of their labor, newly sun-tanned and smiling.

“Really?” Kai tilts his head, considering. “Seems to me like I can never get enough of ‘em.”

“Was that some sort of romantic metaphor?” Lloyd asks with a wrinkled nose. “Gross.”

Cole laughs from where he’s watching and sidles up from behind to rest his big hands on Kai’s hips.

“Yeah,” Kai says affectionately. “Gross.”

“Not in the kitchen,” Zane calls from the next room, but Kai just leans back against Cole and closes his eyes to drink in the moment.

It’s worth it, he decides. All the fighting. All the losing. All the danger. It’s worth it to eat oranges in the kitchen with people he loves.

“What are you thinking about?” Cole teases, his voice rumbling low in his chest against Kai’s back.

“Nothing,” he says with a smile, opening his eyes. “I just love oranges.”

#ninjago #lego ninjago #ninjago kai #ninjago cole #lavashipping #ninjago lava #my writing #I can't believe I actually finished something for this fandom #holy shit #anyway!!! please look!!!!! please look at it!!!#I hope you like it :))#ft. cameos by #ninjago zane #ninjago lloyd

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tomspancakes · 4 years

Text

This Way: Part 2

Pairing: Tom Holland x Actress! reader

Word Count: 3.9k

Warnings: none

Summary: Yours and Tom’s past come in bringing a bit of tension.

Part 1

A/N: AHH I’m so glad people liked part 1! I don’t have a set schedule for posting bc I still have school atm, but I’m gonna try to stay consistent, cause writing this is so fun :))) If you have any suggestions of improvement for my writing or if you’re enjoying this please lmk! If you want to be added to the tag list don’t hesitate to ask! Enjoy Part 2 <3

“Harry, oh my god that was so awkward. I hated that, it will replay in my head for the next week.” You groaned flopping on his bed. “I am a bad bitch I’m fine, I’m fine” you reminded yourself.

He laughed at you and sat next to you, “You are a bad bitch. And yes that was painfully awkward, I’m so sorry.”

“Thanks for pulling me away though. Not gonna lie, I felt like Allana was plotting something in her head when she saw me. Did you get any vibe that she didn’t seem happy?” You asked, nervous.

“Eh wouldn’t be surprised if she wasn’t happy, she bosses Tom around. She tried to use me as her photographer once, but I was busy and couldn’t, but she somehow made Tom clear my schedule so that I could take pictures of her. I do not trust her in all honesty, so her plotting something wouldn’t be new..” You gasped at the story.

“Dang I will not get in her way then…” Harry laughed and asked, “What do you feel like eating tonight, love?”

“Uhmmm, oh I haven’t had nandos since the last time I was here.” You said and he nodded.

After the Nandos was dropped off at the house you all gathered around the table.

“I think I can make food like Nandos.” Harrison said and everyone started laughing, “Hey I seriously think I can. Just watch.”

“I think you can too, Harrison, I’ll be your sous chef if you want.” He smiled at your encouragement and stuck his tongue out at everyone else and Allana rolled her eyes. Oof. “Tommy, do you have spinach? I have a photoshoot tomorrow because one of the models cancelled. I can’t eat the side dishes. I’ll make myself a salad or something.” Allana said.

Harry scoffed and joked, “We don’t have rabbit food here, love.” Tuwaine and Harrison laughed, but you felt bad they were ganging up on her.

“Hey don’t make fun of her. It’s harder for us girls to stay fit whereas you boys can eat like shit and still be fit.” You said to the boys and Allana looked at you a bit surprised and pleased, “Allana, I think I saw some lettuce in the fridge. I can go grab it for you and a bowl. Gotta start getting used to the things around here anyway.” You smiled at her.

Her expression went back to being unimpressed, “Uhm no thanks. I’ll just go eat at home, I have to leave in a bit anyway.” She said and pushed the utensils away.

“Darling, you need to eat a little something, you haven’t eaten one thing since you’ve gotten here.” Tom said. Your heart clenched a bit when he called her darling.

“Tommy, god, I said I’d eat later. Don’t you ever listen?” She said everyone stared in silence until Harrison broke it, “Someone’s a little hangry…”

“Harrison shut up!” Tom said snapping his head toward Haz.

Allana was turning red, “That’s it! I’m tired of your friends treating me like this. I’m leaving, Tommy, will you come with me?” Tom got up and glared at Harrison as he helped Allana out.

“As if she doesn’t treat us badly.” Tuwaine said, rolling his eyes, Harry and Harrison nodding in response.

“Ok, but I still felt bad for her. That was a little uncalled for guys.” You said continuing to eat.

“Y/n, she literally shot you down when you were trying to be helpful.” Harrison stated.

“Ok true, but I didn’t mind, she seemed to mind when you all ganged up on her.” The boys nodded.

“Not even 3 hours here and you’re already being our mother.” Harry said laughing.

“Oh shut up, you boys love me. I’m just using the bad bitch energy Harry gave me earlier.” You all laughed.

After dinner you and the boys watched funny videos on Harry’s laptop and then headed your separate ways to go to sleep. You did your night routine and pulled on pj shorts and tank top since the boys put the heater on.

You stirred in bed trying to sleep, but the jet lag got the best of you and you decided to put your clothes in the drawers and closet. Before starting to clean you decided to grab a snack and water.

While waiting for the popcorn to finish popping in the microwave you heard the front door unlock and a tired looking Tom walked in.

“Tom? Oh my god why’re you getting home now it’s 2 am, you should’ve stayed with Allana. It’s so late!”

“Oh, y/n? And we were talking then she kicked me out, something about being alone in bed is better for her aura the night before a photoshoot. Why’re you up?” Tom stammered and you scoffed at the story.

“Jet lag. I decided to organize my room, but also wanted a snack.” He nodded sitting in front of you at the counter, “Why don’t you go to sleep now you look like shit.” You joked. He put his hand over his heart pretending to be hurt.

“Tsss ouch, y/n, but I kinda wanted to talk to you. You know, catch up.” He said looking at you with his head resting on his hand now. Your heart sped up and sighed trying to stay calm.

“Alright, what do you wanna know?” You pulled the popcorn out of the microwave and set it between you and Tom. He started eating with you.

“How’re you and Mr. Gavin Leatherwood?” His question surprised you because one; that was a very straightforward question and two; you never confirmed anything/ went public with Gavin except for paps photos of you two holding hands and only Zendaya, your family, and Harry knew and swore not to tell Tom.

“Uhm we mutually broke up two weeks ago...” You said looking up at Tom fiddling with your fingers. Tom’s eyes widened a bit and he tried to hide his joy,

“Oh I’m sorry about that y/n.” he said genuinely, “I always thought there was something off about him.” You rolled your eyes getting annoyed thinking back to the past,

“Tom nothing was wrong with him. Like I said it was a mutual break up. He’s a sweet guy, you just never gave him a chance.” You rolled your eyes. He put his arms up in defense,

“Sorry, love, chill. I was trying to make you feel better by implying you deserved better.” You scoffed knowing he was only being half truthful.

“Mhm sure, we both know that you just hated him.” Tom looked at the bowl of popcorn in defeat.

“Thanks for sticking up for Allana by the way. I know she doesn’t seem like the nicest person at first, but when you get to know her she’s a sweetheart.”

“Oh ya I bet.” You joked.

“What? ‘Not gonna give her a chance’, love?” He mocked your American accent and put air quotes in when he said that. You gave him a displeased look,

“Really, Tom? Really? Are seriously going to say that to me when you never stood up for Gavin and was actually the meanest to him?”

“Oh my god,” he groaned, “it was a joke, love. I see you still get butt hurt easily.” He said putting his head in his hands. That was it,

“Ok good catching up with you Tom. Good night, asshole.” You took the popcorn and water to your room.

Tom sat there with his eyes never leaving your beautiful figure. He groaned, beating himself up mentally for fucking things up and for checking you out.

You woke up around 7 a.m. groaning because jet lag got to you really bad. You changed into leggings and a crop top ready to go on a light jog knowing you wouldn’t go back to sleep.

When you walked down you saw that Tom fell asleep on the couch. Your heart melted at the sight, but you tried to ignore how cute and cuddly he looked. You were about to walk out, but gave in and decided to put a blanket over Tom.

“Oh mornin’ y/n, you’re up early,” You heard Harrison as he walked down in shorts and a tshit-shirt, “Going on a run too?”

“Yup, light one though. I’ve got a lot of work to do today.” You said putting your hair up in a ponytail.

“Sick, I’ll run with you for a bit then.” You smiled and waited outside for him.

When you started running it was a little silent until he spoke, “So did you put that blanket over Tom?”

“Maybe” you chuckled a bit, it was quiet again.

“Fuck it I’m just gonna say it,” you raised your eyebrow at him, “I shouldn’t be saying thihs, but he hasn’t gotten over you. I think Allana is here just to keep him on his toes. And plus he-”

“Sorry, Harrison, can we not talk about this now? I’m still trying to forget about my past with him since I’m living in his house and all.” You said breathing hard.

“You know you don’t have to do that. As his best friend I know he’d hate for you to pretend like nothing ever happened between you two.”

“Alright then, but if something bad happens because of past events I’m blaming you.” You said jokingly and Harrison laughed, “So what are all the things you need to catch me up on, I’ll let you talk now, I already can’t breathe.” Harrison laughed and started updating you on everything.

“Wait are you serious? That sounds terrible.” You said, Harrison was telling you how he face planted when he was trying to impress a girl.

“Oh my god it was so embarrassing, she was so quiet when she helped me up and took her number out of my phone!” You started dying of laughter.

“I’m so sorry that’s so sad. I can’t help, but to laugh though. She’s missing out though you’re a good looking guy.” He turned red with embarrassment.

“Aw thanks y/n. Also I can’t believe you ended up running the whole time with me.” You shrugged like it was nothing, but your legs were actually aching. You two stepped into the house to the smell of bacon.

“Oh hell yeah... wait is that Tom cooking?” Harrison asked, very surprised.

“Yes, I can cook you div.” Tom said.

You noticed he changed into sweats and he was shirtless.

“Bro the last time you cooked was when-”

Tom turned surprised to see you up, you stared at him a bit too long. He cut Haz off before he can spill anymore beans,

“Morning, love, like what you see?” You scoffed,

“Actually no, just waiting for you to burn your nipples or something since your frying bacon without a shirt.” You went to pour a glass of water and as if on cue Tom yelped in pain.

“Fuck, I burned myself.” Tom hissed and you were gonna laugh at him until you saw his side.

“Oh my god Tom! What the hell how’d you manage to burn your side?” You rushed to his side with an ice pack in a dish towel.

“Haha Tom I thought you said you could cook!” Harrison said dying of laughter.

“Harrison can you go get toothpaste?”

“What the fuck toothpaste?” Harrison and Tom asked at the same time.

“Yes, trust me.” With that Harrison scurried off to get toothpaste.

“Told you being shirtless was a bad idea.” You scolded him.

“You liked it though, don’t deny it,” you pressed the ice pack to his side and he winced, “ouch, love, I was joking.” You giggled a bit at his reaction,

“How hard is it to find toothpaste? Harrison where are you?” You yelled. You looked back at Tom, seemed like something was on his mind.

“You uh look good, y/n.” He stammered, your face heating up more and your heartbeat quickening,

“Tom don’t.”

“What I can’t say my friend looks good? You told Harrison he’s good looking.” You raised your brow. Was he jealous? How the hell did he hear that from inside?

“You’re something else, Holland. Plus you have a girlfriend, don’t think she’d like to hear you say that. Especially when I’m your ex.” For some reason it pained both of you when you said that.

You sat across from him still waiting for Harrison. Tom nudged your foot with his and said, “Y/n, I wanted to say I was sorry about last night. I was tired and being a complete div.”

You looked up at him, “It’s alright, sorry for overreacting and walking out.”

“No no you had every right to.” He sighed and was about to continue, but Haz ran in,

“I got the toothpaste!” Harrison said breathless.

“Why the hell did you take so long?” You asked as Harrison handed you the tube and winked at Tom, he rolled his eyes then face palmed.

“Oh my god, Harrison.” Tom groaned. You caught on real quick, Harrison was giving you two alone time.

“You’re not slick at all Osterfield, you literally suck.” You said as he laughed.

You removed the ice pack from Tom’s side, “Alright, Tom, this is gonna sting a bit.” You warned and spread the paste on his burn he groaned in pain.

“Whoa, Harry cover your innocent eyes!” Tuwaine exclaimed covering his face when he and Harry walked in.

“Really guys having sex in the kitchen?” Harry said.

“Oh shut up you dickheads. I burnt myself and y/n is helping me out.” Tom said, still moaning.

“Tom you’re such a baby. Harry we’re no longer best friends anymore.” You stated. Harry laughed as you rolled your eyes.

“Harrison here to save the day with better bacon than Tom’s bacon!” Harrison sang. Tom slapped Harrison’s leg. You laughed excited for how the next few months would turn out because of how eventful this morning already was.

After a very crazy morning and a facetime meeting with your manager you had to go to the table read for the movie you were shooting. Your phone began to ring, it was Harry.

“Hello?”

“Hey, y/n, I’m really sorry Sam and I are still filming right now. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to pick you up in time to drop you off at your table read. Can you have one of the boys at home take you?” You began to stress a bit, but you knew that Harry was working on something really important to him.

“Yes of course. Let me know how filming goes later!”

“Thanks so much for understanding. I’ll tell you everything when I pick you up for dinner with my family! Bye, love.” You said goodbye and hung up, also completely forgetting about dinner with the Hollands tonight.

You walked to Harrison’s room and asked, “Hey are you gonna be busy in like the next hour or so?”

“Sorry, y/n, I’m about to meet up with some friends for lunch. What’d you need?” He asked frantically pacing looking for something.

“Oh, Harry can’t take me to my tableread anymore, I need a ride.”

“Hmm, oh found it!” Harrison pulled out a watch from his drawer, “Well Tuwaine is leaving with me, so I’m afraid your only options are Tom or the tube.”

“Really Harrison?” you groaned and he put his hands up in defense, “Ok have fun at lunch.”

You walked over to Tom’s room to see it empty, “He’s outside!” Tuwaine yelled from across Tom’s room. You thanked him and rushed outside to see Tom still shirtless. He was doing push-ups and the toothpaste looked glittery on his right side in the sunlight. His triceps and biceps enlarged every time he pushed his body up.

“You just can’t keep your eyes off me can you, y/n?” He said grunting while finishing his last few reps. You were at a loss for words because he did look really hot at the moment. You blushed and fumbled with your words,

“Oh uh sorry,” He turned and smirked at you, “I need another favor, Harry can’t take me to the tableread and Harrison and Tuwaine are going out for lunch.” He began walking closer to you making your heart skip a beat. What the hell was he doing? “I uh would take myself, but I’ve never driven here before and-” He was inches away from you he reached out and grabbed your shoulder chuckling,

“Alright alright, shut up I’ll take you.” You stared into each other's eyes not breaking eye contact and he reached over to slide the door open wider and he walked past you. You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding and rolled your eyes, you can’t let him get to you, he has a girlfriend! “We need to go in 45 minutes, thanks, Tom!” you yelled and he held a thumbs up.

“Z, I swear I cannot live in this house. Tom is acting like he’s some fuck boy and I swear he really is trying to pull something and he has a girlfriend! Did you know that?” You were rambling

“Uhmmm maybe…” She said awkwardly.

“Z! What the hell? Both you and Harry didn’t tell me.”

“What? Didn't think you’d care, cause you’re a ‘badddd bitchhh’.” You laughed at her mocking you.

“Fine, you and Harry said the exact same thing, weird… anyways what the hell do I do?” You said with your phone between your shoulder and your ear as you looked through your closet for something decent to wear at the Holland house.

“Well, I think you should just focus on what you're doing right now and focus on your growth. Sis, you just broke up with someone, be free for now. It’s time to focus on you and your work.” Zendaya was right, you needed some time to self evaluate and grow, “But also maybe look super hot tonight at the dinner, you know, take his breath away.” She started laughing.

“Z, no! You just said not to worry about boys and he has a girlfriend…”

“But…” she said, waiting for you to carry on.

“But… ok I’ll dress cute, it’s always fun doing that.” You both laughed and she told you what to wear.

“Ok I’m gonna get ready for the tableread, I’ll text you. Love ya!” You said and she said it back and you guys hung up.

“Y/n can we actually leave in 5 minutes? I want to grab lunch, my treat!” Tom said from down the hall.

“Yeah sure.” You grabbed your purse and a bag with extra clothes. You walked out and ran into Tom with a thump he held your shoulders keeping you steady.

“Oops sorry, love. Was just going to tell you to not forget there’s dinner with my family tonight.”

“Yep, got the extra clothes in here.” You said holding up the bag to show him, he smiled and took his hands off your shoulders to take the bag from you and put it over his shoulder, “I could’ve carried it but thanks, bud.” You patted his shoulder and walked off. Tom’s heart dropped when you called him, “bud.”

Tom pulled up to a small cafe that seemed oddly familiar. As soon as he opened the door for you you remembered.

Tom brought back a tray with two burgers, fries, and waters.

“This place has the best burgers in town. Closest thing we have to in-n-out burgers.” he said handing you the second tray. You told Tom you were starting to feel homesick and said he might know how to cheer you up. You smiled taking a huge bite into the burger, Tom looked at you waiting for your reaction,

“Oh my god. Absolutely amazing!” Your eyes lit up and Tom’s heart jolted at the joy on your face. He continued to watch you eat the burger that was somewhat making you less homesick, “Hey, Holland, it’s rude to stare. Eat your burger before I eat it.” You joked and he laughed while taking a bite. His heart began to race as he debated whether or not he should tell you how he feels, then he thought ‘fuck it’.

“Y/n, darling?” You hummed in response.

Here goes nothing, “I like you, y/n. I have for a while now.”

Your thoughts went back to what Zendaya was saying, “don’t worry about boys right now.” You took a deep breath and moved up in the line with Tom. “Tom is that you?” Someone asked from behind the counter.

“Oh, Ms. Sheila! It’s lovely seeing you again.” He said warmly and she came over to give him a hug.

“It’s been so long, and I see you’ve brought this lovely girl back. Is she your girlfriend now?” You widen your eyes and blush.

“Oh my uh no no. We’re just friends, Ms. Sheila.”

“Isn’t this the girl you confessed your feelings to, dear? Then you never came back after that, well only once and that was still ages ago.”

“Oh, that was a while ago Ms. Sheila. Tom and I are just friends now.” You said before Tom.

“Oh well that’s a shame you two would make a lovely couple. Anywho what can I get for you two today?” She asked as you followed her to her side of the counter.

“Two of the usuals please.” Tom asked. She nodded and brought the order out within 5 minutes.

“Now, Tom, I hope you come back more often. Your brothers still come in every now and then.” Tom smiled and promised Ms. Sheila that he’d come back more.

“How’d she know what your usual is if you haven’t been here in so long?” You asked as you both walked to a booth.

“I’d come here to get breakfast with my family on Saturdays and would usually hang out here with my mates after school. This place is really special to me, I’ve made a lot of memories here.” He said picking at his fries, only making it more obvious what memory he was thinking about. You two ate in silence for a while not knowing what to say because of what went down the last time you were both here.

“Alright, ready to go to set, love?” He asked, you nodded as you finished your last bit of the burger and he ate the last of your fries. You and Tom said goodbye to Ms. Sheila and said you’d come back again soon.

“Thanks, Tom, I owe you big time.” You said looking at him with a smile.

“No problem, but what for?” He asked, glancing at you then back at the road.

“For the meal, taking me to set, and letting me stay at your lovely house.”

“Oh it’s no big deal. You helped me heal my burn,” he paused and cleared his throat, “Uhm b-besides, Harry literally begged me to let you stay, and I’ll be gone next week to film Uncharted. So I’ll uh be out of your hair” He joked and your heart dropped. Harry told you Tom is the one that suggested you stay at their house. Now you sat there confused about who to believe. Regardless you were definitely going to have a chat with Harry about all of this.

Tag list: @averyfosterthoughts @thollandx @mrsjeffwittek @panicattheeverywherekid @racewife2004 @greatpizzascissorstaco @witchything @wheelertozier @runway-to-my-aid

#tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x you #tom holland series #tom holland x famous! reader #tom holland x actress! reader #tom holland x actor! reader #tom holland angst #tom holland fluff #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland fandom

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marveloussupernerd · 4 years

Note

GURL YES IT WAS ON TV LAST NIGHT AND THE ENTIRE TIME I WAS LIKE JUMIN AND MC JUMIN AND MC!!! But yes I came from a YOI imagines blog who recommended you and I’m glad I came! But seriously take your time with it and do NOT be afraid to SHATTER MY HEART MERCILESSLY. Honestly I think we are living the same life in different places! Have a great week my friend!

money can’t buy happiness - Jumin Han

The original request:

Warnings: angst

Summary: dating Jumin Han meant constantly being in the spotlight. However, the press had a vendetta against you. At what point does your sanity take priority over your love towards Jumin? Will almost definitely get a happy pt 2 resolution if someone asks for it bc writing angst makes me sad lmaoo

[support me :)]

You were taking a shower. It was getting late and Jumin wasn’t home yet. The two of you had been dating for about four months and he asked you to move in with him. With you being in the public eye so much, he felt better knowing his security team could keep an eye on you.

You heard a knock on the bathroom door. It opened then shut. “I’m home, My Love. Sorry to have kept you waiting.”

You opened the shower door and leaned over to give him a peck on the lips, then focused back to your shower.

“You mind if I join you?” He asked, pulling his tie to loosen it.

“I... uh-“ you had been sort of self-conscious about your appearance lately. The media didn’t help; they were always reporting on how you looked. You didn’t let Jumin know. You knew it’d only worry him. “Okay. If you want.”

He deftly undid the buttons of his shirt and got undressed, slipping into the shower with you. He wrapped his arms around you in a tight embrace. “I’ve missed you,” he whispered, pushing a damp strand of hair out of your face. “You want help washing up?” He had a goofy grin on his face, hand settling on your hip.

“I... I’m not feeling really good about myself... and my body image today,” you confessed, staring at the water droplets on the shower wall.

“I wish you wouldn’t read those news articles. They’re horrible.” He carefully turned you in his arms so you were facing him. “You know I think you’re the most beautiful person in the world.”

“‘Jumin Han’s partner is gaining weight. Could a child be on the way?’” You quoted the article, word-for-word. It was etched into your memory. “I just was popping my hip out to the side. I don’t know. I thought I was being trendy. But they thought I was pregnant?!”

“Don’t listen to a thing they say.”

“I kind of look pregnant though. I need to lose some weight.” You bent over and got some shampoo, massaging the soap into his hair.

His eyes fluttered shut at the sensation. “You look perfect. That feels nice.”

“I just hate how they talk about anything and everything. You have a meeting with a woman? You’re cheating on me. I’m carrying a different purse? I’m a gold digger. I put all my weight on one foot, heaven forbid, and all of a sudden I’m pregnant.” You clapped your hands together, soap spraying against the shower door. “It just sucks.”

“I’m sorry.” He grabbed some conditioner to return the favor. “I got you some more flowers. I know it won’t make up for it all, but I thought they were nice.”

“Mhm. That is nice.”

“Let’s go out for dinner tonight too,” he offered.

“Last thing I need is more people thinking I’m eating too much.”

He pouted. “You’ve gotta eat somehow though.” The two of you stood under the stream of the shower. “I’ll get us a private room? At your favorite place too.”

You sighed. “It’s late Jumin. Don’t make more work for Jaehee.”

“I’ll do it myself then.” He stooped down to kiss your cheek. “Anything for you.”

The two of you got out of the shower and wrapped up in your towels and Jumin wasted no time calling the restaurant. “Hi!” He sounded overly excited. You laughed. “Oh... yes I can hold.”

“This is what it’s like to be a commoner,” you chuckled, pulling out a clean dress shirt for him to wear. Powder blue. He wore too many pinstripes. You really liked the way the color looked on him. You had a dress in the same color. He bought it for you when you bought him that shirt for his birthday; he thought it was cute when you’d match.

“Yes. No problem. This is Jumin Han... Oh! No worries. I was just hoping I could book a private room for a half hour from now,” he was so cute and flustered on the phone. He likely had never done this before. “Yes, that’d be great. Thank you.”

He hung up the phone and you laughed, giving him a hug. “You’re so freaking cute,” you uttered, your towel slipping down your body from the eagerness of the embrace. You pulled back. “I picked out some clothes for us, if you like ‘em.”

He glanced over at the clothes you had hung up and nodded. “Perfect. You’ll look so beautiful in that.” He walked over and grabbed his clothes, taking them off the hanger and starting to dress.

“Don’t forget to call Driver Kim,” you reminded him, picking out a pair of shoes.

“I texted him already. No worries.”

You turned to grin at him and he was already half-dressed. You couldn’t tear your eyes away as he buttoned up the shirt, hiding more and more of his perfect figure. He paused on the top button. “You’re staring.”

“I can’t help it. You’re just so handsome,” you giggled, walking towards him and helping him with the top button. “Will you zip up my dress for me?” You turned your back towards him. He complied, zipping you up.

“Tie or no tie?” He asked, glancing at his reflection in the mirror.

“No tie.” You replied confidently. He nodded, putting on his suit jacket to complete the look.

You glanced at both of your reflections in the mirror. You laughed out loud. “I just realized my hair is soaking wet.” You pulled a hand up to run through his hair. “Yours too.”

“Oops. Guess I didn’t think about that. Why don’t you wear it up then?” He pulled your damp hair off your neck and held it up so you could get an idea of how it’d look with the hair away from your face. “Looks nice to me.”

“Okay,” you smiled. You checked the time on your phone. “We’re going to be late,” you chuckled, sitting down to put your hair up.

He grabbed your shoes and kneeled next to you, helping you step into the heels. As you put Bobby pins in your hair to ensure it looked nice, he grabbed a nude lipstick off the counter and applied it to your lips. “We make such a good team,” he chuckled. You looked at your reflection, satisfied with how well Jumin did on your lipstick.

“Do I look presentable enough?”

“You look breathtaking. Come now,” he offered you his hand and you grabbed it. “Driver Kim is out front.”

You had made it to the restaurant in no time. The staff was extremely nice, taking you to your own private room where you could enjoy each other’s company in peace. The dinner was lovely, but there were some bumps along the way. The waitress served Jumin a glass of wine and you a glass of water. Pregnant women couldn’t drink, of course. You tried to explain you weren’t pregnant. Your eyes were watery and honestly you were extremely embarrassed; it was challenging to get out the words. Luckily, all it took was Jumin requesting to “get her a glass of wine, please,” with a hard look on his face to fix that problem.

Luckily, the food was great. It was your favorite restaurant, after all. Jumin even offered to get dessert. All you wanted was a brownie, but they didn’t have brownies. They made you a brownie. You felt like an inconvenience, but Jumin tipped significantly to reassure you that there was no problem. You asked the chef to come out and thanked them for a their flexibility.

“I can’t believe everyone reads those articles,” you whined when you got in the car. “She really thought I was pregnant.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t know why she’d think that. The media is... challenging.”

“They hate me. Not that it matters. But wow. The press really is not fond of me,” you confessed, playing with a strand of hair that had fallen from your updo.

“They hate everyone.”

“Your father hates me too.”

“He only hates you because he wanted to date you instead of me. He thinks you’re lovely,” he defended his father.

You sighed and leaned your head on his shoulder. “I’m tired.”

“You can shut your eyes. I’ll be right here when you wake up.” He reassured you. You nuzzled into his shoulder to get more comfortable and shut your eyes.

You woke up to a clank sound. You sat up, startled. You were in bed? “Jumin,” you glanced at him, sunlight lighting his features. “Wow... I was pretty tired huh?”

“You were. It was adorable... but challenging... helping you get to bed.” He had the sweetest smile on his face. You realized you were in your pajamas. He had helped you get changed, taken off your makeup, and let your hair down, all while you were asleep?

“You’re the sweetest.” You glanced at the clock. He usually didn’t leave work for another hour, yet he was all dressed up already. “Come back to bed and lay with me?” You peeled the covers on his side of the bed down, offering him the spot.

“Wish I could, but I have an early meeting today.” He got down on his knee and gave you a kiss. “I made you pancakes though. Hopefully that’ll make up for it.” He stood back up, grabbing his watch and putting it on.

“I love you. Have a good day at work.” You smiled.

“Have a good day at home. I’ll try to be back as soon as I can, but I might be a little late. I’ll call you later.” He walked to the door to leave, but made his way back to you and kissed your lips once again. “Love you.” And with that, he was gone.

You opted to stay in bed with your pancakes for a while. What was shocking to you, though, was to see your name trending on Twitter. You sighed, opening the tag and bracing yourself for the worst. Gold Digger? Jumin Han’s Girlfriend Doesn’t Even Bother Dressing Up for her Nights Out, Endangering Baby, Sources Say. You groaned. You thought you looked okay. Jumin said you looked beautiful. You hadn’t even seen a camera, but there it was: another unflattering picture of you.

And at the top of the trending tag, a tweet from Sarah. “This girl is not only a home wrecker, ruining Jumin and I’s engagement, but an awful mother-to-be. She clearly only cares for herself.”

You hated this. All the replies were in support of her. Was that... no. Jumin’s father retweeted it too. A sob escaped your mouth. You’d never be good enough for him.

You were packing clothes in the suitcase before you even knew what you were doing. You didn’t know where you were going, but you were leaving. You left the dresses and gifts Jumin got you at the apartment; you were not a gold digger. You didn’t want anything to remind you of him; it’d hurt too bad.

You grabbed a piece of stationary off of the desk in the home office Jumin had installed. You pulled out a pen and began writing. You couldn’t abandon him with nothing. Your heart wouldn’t let you.

Jumin,

I’m sorry. I was never the girl your father wanted me to be. Never the girl the press thought you deserved. I was always kidding myself by thinking I was the right fit for you.

You’ve been raised in the spotlight your whole life. You’re brave and confident and never let anything get to you. I, on the other hand, am sensitive, fragile, and unrefined. I can’t stand in the spotlight; I’ve messed up a million times and I would just keep messing up if I let myself.

It’s not so much that the media has gotten to me; that everyone has turned against me and sided with Sarah... even your father. It’s that I know this will never stop. There will always be problems with me around. You will never have a moment of peace with me. You’ll never be able to walk into a room with me without hearing the whispers. I notice them everywhere I go.

That’s why I have to leave. For you. For your company. And because I’m not strong enough. I’m not who you thought so highly of; I’m an imposter. I could never succeed in your world.

Don’t come looking for me. I don’t even know where I’m going, I just know I need to get away. Get married to Sarah, or someone else refined and beautiful and polite. You deserve the perfect woman who society loves and who knows exactly what to do. That’s not me. It never will be.

I love you, and I wish you only the best.

You were sobbing. There was no point in signing your name. The teardrops littered all over the paper were signature enough. You dropped the note on the bed, grabbed the suitcase, and headed to the door. You were in leggings and a hoodie, sunglasses obstructing most of your face. The last thing you needed was to draw more attention to yourself.

You took a taxi to the airport. You paid for everything with your own money. You left the credit card Jumin had given you at home. You didn’t need to take anything from him. You went to the front desk and booked the cheapest flight as far away as possible. You had always wanted to go to Orlando, you figured. Maybe you could go to Disney World and spend the day sobbing at the happiest place on earth.

You checked your suitcase, went through security, got a drink from Starbucks, and settled down at the gate, waiting for your flight. You cried openly at the airport. Who cared at this point? You couldn’t eat. The only thing giving you any sustenance being the drink in front of you. Eventually they called your boarding group.

You weren’t in first-class, like you usually were with Jumin. No, you were in a cramped row of three at the back of the plane. It was refreshing. You were leaving your old life behind. You glanced out the window as you walked towards your seat. Goodbye Jumin. Goodbye RFA. You should have called Seven and told him. Told him not to track you down at the very least. You’d have to purchase a new phone. You were going to start completely anew. You sniffled, but kept walking down the aisle to your seat, each step feeling like purgatory as you felt the distance from Jumin increase.

#mystic messenger #mysme #Jumin han

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fandomlit · 4 years

Text

run boy run (ben hargreeves x reader)

requested by literally everyone (honorable mentions include: @wednes-day-addams @shawni-h @foolishbeth just bc you all made me smile lol)

summary reginald hargreeves has finally passed away, and his “kids” are returning home for the funeral. ben takes you with him, assuming it was just a simple catch up and funeral. neither of you expected the chaos that ensued.

a/n it’s back for a second part!! thanks for all the support on the first and sorry for the wait <3 also side note, i don’t hate allison lol i have an idea you guys just gotta be patient

part 1

gif cred belongs to @kingofcamelot

when you got to the academy the next day, klaus was passed out on one of the couches, and allison and luther were eating breakfast that grace had prepared.

luther waved at you both when you entered the kitchen. grace immediately put out two plates for you both. “morning.”

“told you there’d be breakfast,” you smiled at ben. he rolled his eyes as you took the seat next to luther. “mornin’, guys!” your husband sighed, but went to sit across from you, next to allison. “sleep well?”

luther shrugged as allison pulled out her phone. “as well as you can when weird things keep happening.” you nodded in understanding. “have either of you seen diego this morning?” you shook your head, looking to ben. he shook his head, as well.

“no, no sign of him.”

he sighed and pushed his plate away. “i gotta head out. catch you guys later?”

“we’ll be around,” you assured. he smiled at you before walking out of the kitchen. that left you three in a tense silence as grace continued to prepare your breakfasts.

you caught eyes with ben and jerked your head in his sister’s direction. he shook his head. you raised your eyebrows at him and he rolled his eyes. you rolled your eyes right back and he shook his head with a smile this time. but you were unamused.

grace came over and filled your glasses with orange juice, and you thanked her before giving ben a pointed look. he shook his head again. you gave him a pointed look before speaking, “how about you, allison? how’d you sleep?”

she looked up and only looked a ben for a second, and gave you a wary glance. “fine.” she looked back down at her phone and you huffed.

you were going to ask her another question, but you silenced as grace filled your plate with eggs and bacon. “thank you, grace.”

“you’re very welcome, miss y/n,” she smiled perfectly.

“do you need any help cleaning up?” you asked as she filled ben’s plate with the same.

“oh, no, i can do it all myself,” she waved.

“no, seriously, i insist,” you laughed. and she gave you a grin before leading you back to the sink. you gave ben a stern look over your shoulder that screamed, talk to her.

after picking at his eggs for a minute, he cleared his throat. allison didn’t move. “i understand im mad at you, but do you have to be so short with my wife?”

she tensed up. “i thought she was mad, too.”

“upset is a better word for it,” he said tersely, taking a sip of orange juice. “not even upset enough to ignore you or bring up what happened.” she sighed.

“look, im so-”

“you can say you’re sorry as many times as you want, but as long as you don’t have a reason, there’re no excuses,” he hummed. that’s when she pushed her plate away, stood, and walked out of the kitchen.

when you came back in, you put your hands on your hips. “what did you do?”

“nothing,” he said innocently, taking another sip of his orange juice. you were about to berate him when klaus came into the kitchen, wearing nothing but a speedo.

“good luck,” you whispered, going back over to grace.

“what happened?” ben sighed.

klaus rubbed his head before pointing at him. after a minute, he said, “good question.”

just then, five came storming in. “good, i was looking for you.” then he dragged klaus out by the arm, leaning ben to blink in surprise and turn back to his breakfast.

after finally getting on ben about being nicer to allison, and encouraging him to talk it out with her, you two went into town. you cheerily relived your little kid romance, going to all the spots you would meet at when he snuck out, and reliving all the moments you both had together. god, you liked him so much back then. now that had turned into the most beautiful love imaginable.

you both got back in the early afternoon. you went to find vanya after ben went to see what klaus was up to. and you did. but she was standing across from allison, gaze on the floor as the celeb hurled insults her way.

“you separate yourself from everyone and everything, you always have.”

you were about to step in when vanya said softly, “because dad made me.”

“did dad make you write that book about us, too?” allison snapped.

“okay,” you cut, making your presence known. you placed a hand on vanya’s shoulder, a confused expression on your face.”i don’t know what’s going on here, but this is exactly what can’t happen right now. with everyone back together, reginald’s funeral, and five, this bickering and berating is- it’s childish.” allison gave you a cold stare and vanya gulped. “we owe each other enough to respect that, don’t we?”

vanya nodded, but allison’s anger just rose. she crossed her arms. “what do i owe you?”

you blinked in surprised. you knew she was just upset about what ever had gone down before you walked onto the scene, but boy, you knew that that was cold, even for that.

so you simply smiled, “a wedding,” before turning to vanya, who was biting back a smile. “do you know what grace is making for dinner?” that’s when allison stormed past you two and out of the room, but you payed no mind.

“you are so much braver than me,” she said, letting out a bubbling laugh as allison got farther away. you gave her a genuine smile.

“someone’s gotta do it for the both of us,” you nodded, making her grin. “what was that all about?”

that night, most of you were gathered around the dining room table, laughing and drinking. the few who weren’t there were allison, vanya, and five, and god knows what they were doing.

“im serious!” klaus exclaimed, making everyone laugh even harder as ben’s face turned red. “he was so in love with you!”

“can we stop now?” ben asked quietly. “please?”

“aw, honey,” you giggled, rubbing his arm. “i think it’s sweet, okay?” he gave you a small smile and a kiss that made diego ‘aww’.

“sweet enough to break a window,” klaus reminded, sending everyone back into laughter.

then diego’s radio pierced the air with static and droning voice, making you all flinch. he let out a sigh, downing the last of his beer before standing. “duty calls. see you all tomorrow.”

you all called out your goodbyes just as allison burst into the kitchen.

“hey, allison,” luther greeted. “i thought you left already?”

her gaze swept over you and ben and she gulped, turning to luther. “can you come with me, please?” he gave her a confused look. “now?” she turned and started walking away. he stood and rushed after her, not even looking at you guys.

“what was that look she just gave you?” ben scoffed. you sighed, explaining what had happened earlier. he grinned, giving you a hard kiss.

“i love you so much.”

“you shouldn’t be this proud.”

“i can’t help it.”

and you two left the academy for the night, with plans to come back the next day.

#The Umbrella Academy #umbrella kids #the umbrella academy x reader #the umbrella academy fanfiction #tua x reader #tua #tua fanfic #ben hargreeves x reader #allison hargreeves #luther hargreeves #ben hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #five hargreeves #vanya hargreeves #diego hargreeves

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ethicallysourcedhumanmeat · 3 years

Text

i was basically trained my whole life to eat food so its not wasted. started as a teen, gotta eat the leftovers in the fridge bc if i don't no one will and the food will be wasted and it will be my fault.

but also some leftovers are being saved, no one is going to eat them if i don't, and i will still be to blame but if i eat them I am also in trouble bc they were saved

then, as an adult? If the children do not clean their plates i have failed and also wasted food which is throwing money away, also the leftover thing carried over

so like i have spent a lot of time with my fluctuating appetite going, well i have to eat and this food needs to be eaten, like coming home from school and eating a meal 2 hrs before supper, or being full but eating what was left on a 4 year old's plate to avoid comments

i realized this over the last year, bc I also hate making food for myself while people watch (cooking for ppl os different) and with everyone home all the time ive adapted to, things i can keep in my room. and now on vyvanse/depression/anxiety appetite (i actually genuinely am not sure if vyvanse is affecting my appetite bc i already was in a low appetite phase) I'm allowing myself to not worry about 'the food in the fridge' for the first time.

I'm used to appetite issues so i have alarms set to remind me to eat, and i keep easy to grab snacks around a lot but bc I'm not eating a lot of leftovers my mother has been real concerned

#I'm over here like #crackers #cheese #fruit?#ok bye #no i did not eat those 3 servings of pasta #just bc they were there #i have grapes

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sarohara · 3 years

Text

You both like friends.

You: heyo

Stranger: hey

You: wanna hear a really cool song?

Stranger: sure

You: hold up

You: name or link?

Stranger: name

You: okay

You: young the giant mind over matter

Stranger: okay hold up

You: take your time

Stranger: Damm he is getting into it

You: Yea right? ahah

Stranger: Yeah lmao

Stranger: lmk im prolly gonna regret this but let me use my best pick up line on you😂

Stranger: lmao

You: Go ahead 😂

Stranger: nah nvm I'm bouta say some dumb shit

You: I don't mind 😂

Stranger: wtf nah that shit is cheesy asf

Stranger: like cheesy cheesy

You: Cmon

You: I mean, it's up to u

Stranger: fuck im really gonna regret this alot

Stranger: okay okay game face on

You: 😂

You: you don't even know me, why would u regret it? ahahah

Stranger: Damm you remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet

Stranger: bc it me I regret alot of things and now I'm regretting this shit rn

Stranger: fuck why do I gotta be so dumb

You: 20 letters of the alphabet? why?😂

Stranger: oh shit I'm dumb there's 26 letters how can I forget about u,r,a,q,t

You: AHAHAHAHAH

Stranger: See that shit is cheesy

You: I was gonna ask "what about the other 6?"

Stranger: Lmao found the other 6

Stranger: wait there is 27 u can get the d later😂😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Stranger: okay imma prolly go kill myself now

You: that's it? 😂😂😂😂

Stranger: I'm so so sorry u have to hear my dumbass

You: AHAHAHAHAHAH

You: You're freaking hilarious

Stranger: I hate my self now

Stranger: I'm so cheesy wtf

You: AHAHAHA

You: Stooop

Stranger: I'm never listening to tik tok ever again😂😭

You: AHAHAHA TIK TOK REALLY? 😂

You: I'm dying

Stranger: Okay no what I'm boerd and that app is okay

Stranger: and no o don't post i just scroll through

Stranger: i

You: Yea dw, I do the same😂

Stranger: Lmao im still so sorry u had to hear that

Stranger: Yo boi is running on like 2 brain cells rn

You: hey, shut up, it was cool 😂 I mean, you're funny

You: ahahahahahhaha

Stranger: funny who tf is funny everyone keeps on talking about funny but I still don't know who that mf is

Stranger: I wanna meet that dude he is obviously famous

Stranger: or her I don't really know yet

You: Who's obviously famous?

Stranger: that guy named funny

You: and well, it's funny just because it's not funny

You: AHAHHAHAHA OH MY GAWD

Stranger: yk its funny bc im dumb

Stranger: told you those 2 brain cells are kicking in

You: well, at least that made me laugh so..

Stranger: Fuck yeahhhhhhh

Stranger: look mom i did something finally

You: AHAHHAHAHA

Stranger: oh wait she is gone

You: Would she be proud?

You: ooooh

Stranger: She went to the grocery store 2 hours ago

Stranger: so we will find out when she gets back

Stranger: she will prolly still hate me but yk what thays cool

Stranger: thats

You: what mother doesn't hate her kid, right?

You: you're not alone trust me ahahaha

Stranger: Haha facts tho

You: what's ur name btw? lmao

Stranger: yk she told me that I was a mistake and yk what I'm not I won that race me I won

Stranger: all those other kids aren't here are they they are the mistakes

You: Wait, seriously?

You: I was kidding but maybe i was a mistake as well

Stranger: yes I won something and ik thats hard to belive but I did I did not get a trophy when I should have

You: ahahahhahahahahahah You won that race, you did it!

Stranger: wait they did give me trophy

You: I don't think so

Stranger: ur my trophy so I can finally show my trophy off okay that was bad I promise that was the last one

Stranger: Omg I'm going to hell

Stranger: why do I think of this shit

You: I wasn't expecting but 😂😂😂😂

Stranger: that sounded so much better in my head then I typed it out I was like wtf are you doing like are you fr fr bouta send that

You: You're fine 😂😂

Stranger: Okay I give you promise to shoot me if you would like

Stranger: I get i totally get it

Stranger: promision holly fuck my phone won't let me type

Stranger: Your like wtf he is dumb he obviously did not pass the second grade

Stranger: well jokes on you I am in the second grade

You: I'm dying actually, you're stupidly funny😂😂😂😂

You: Are u always like that?

Stranger: sadly yes do I want to be no

Stranger: God was like lets make this kid dumb asf and say cheesy things to ppl

Stranger: and I'm good at it

You: at least you're good at something, isn't awesome?😂😂😂

Stranger: obviously did you not read my pickup line like bro master piece

You: you know, you seem like that kinda person who gets embarrassed easily 😂

Stranger: Like God told me to use that pickup line on everyone so i did the only person that did not seem to care or even talk to me was the light poll outside my house

Stranger: Idk imma get it to talk to me one day

You: the light poll outside your house 😂

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: I've been trying for years can't seem to crack it yet

Stranger: I'm telling u one day its going to talk to me

You: I don't think u should do this but if u need me i'm down😂

Stranger: for what

Stranger: I should not do what

Stranger: oh shit

You: hey hey hey liste

You: listen*

Stranger: Okay im listening

Stranger: all I hear is music omg are u connect to my speaker

Stranger: Connected

You: ok so my family's calling me to lunch...i really gotta go, but can u keep in touch?

You: AHAHHAHAHA

Stranger: yes

You: yes?

Stranger: yes

You: yes!

You: what do u have?

You: idk even ur name

You: i'm sarah by the way

Stranger: Um Noah and snapchat insta Facebook venmo

Stranger: PayPal

Stranger: uber eats

Stranger: Yeah

You: ahahahhahaahahah

Stranger: I can text you on any of those

You: oh uber eats? really? i didn't now that

Stranger: yeah im ceo so I get all the secret stuff

You: ooooh you're ceo damn

You: anyway 😂

You: I do have insta & snap so..

Stranger: yeah did you know u can order food on there

Stranger: Lets do snapchat

You: yeah ofc i know that

You: ahahahhahaha

Stranger: oh you did

You: okay so it's scarval

You: ooops

You: scarvalhando

You: ***

Stranger: Boom added off uber eats

You: can we order food someday?

You: it would be awesome

Stranger: yes

You: okay noah

You: what's ur insta btw? i could follow u there as well

Stranger: I forgot I told u my name i was like omg I told a hacker my cheesy pick up line

Stranger: I'm fucked

You: 😂😂😂😂😂

You: Yeah omg i'm a hacker

You: I wish i were tho

Stranger: Oh shit please don't go through my history unless u want to see alot of cars like alot alot of cars

Stranger: And when u scroll down far enough you will see how to talk to a light poll

You: obsession with cars?😂😂

You: ooooh yeah okay

You: it seems nice, i mean, talking to a light poll, isn't?

Stranger: um a little😅

Stranger: idk it has not talked back yet

Stranger: I think its shy

You: oof that hurts 😂

You: okay okay okay

Stranger: I don't know find out on next weeks episode of dose it talk

You: 😂😂😂😂😂

Stranger: featuring little turtule and big fish rick

You: I'm gonna watch this

You: 😂

You: see ya on snap then?

Stranger: its gonna be lit and okay

You: i gotta gotta gotta gotta go

Stranger: by Sarah thank you for letting me use my cheesy pick up line on you

Stranger: bye

You: Anytime!!! 😂

Stranger: and u will hear more from my dumbass

Stranger: oh and ill lyk what my mom thinks

You: I hope 😂

You: okay i'll be waiting

You: Cya

Stranger: Okay byeeee

You: byeee

You: skip

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theforce · 4 years

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presumptive horrible rotten case of corona: symptoms

presumptive bc i couldnt get a god damn test i live in new york and while there are testing sites all over the state and our state govt is doing what they can now, i don’t want to be the person taking away a test from someone else especially now that i am mostly better, most of this went down at the beginning of the month and i’m still dealing with the effects of it.

there was a lot of confusion here even as recent as 2 weeks and we are the state that’s testing more than the rest of the entire country so here is my account of what went down w me, and honestly, what might go down with you or someone you know as soon as this reaches your state

1) i threw up all night long, thought it was a stomach virus, had a lot of stomach issues for like 24 hours, very strange i haven’t had a stomach virus in YEARS since i was a literal child, anyways right before i started puking up my life i developed this weird cough, it felt like it was from my throat, like i was trying to clear it? but it was often and annoying

2) after my 24 hours of hell i felt feverish and exhausted but i chalked it up to being on the floor of the bathroom all night, exerting my esophagus and body to throw up the devil himself, i tried to sleep it off, i woke up a few hours later in a fog, i was shivering but i was also burning up, i couldn’t tell left from right, up from down, my fever was 100.3, at this point i had my mom call my doctor and make an appointment, she made it for me w the receptionist, everything was fine until 20 minutes later i got a call back from my actual doctor not the receptionist who was like, oh no not you’re not coming here with those symptoms baby and i was like ?? ok cool thanks, she said to keep watching my symptoms, slam some tylenol and if i felt shortness of breath to call or text her personal cell phone and she would get me set up at the nearest hospital i said ok sounds fucked up i mean i didn’t say that bc i was too fucked up to even speak, she also gave my mom instructions to keep me in my room, to not go near me, to give me a designated bathroom, to have food and water delivered to my door, my mom was like u dont gotta tell me twice (she has lupus) during this time my cough become dry and horrible, i could feel my lungs rattle, i would cough so hard and for so long i’d wake from my feverish coma to kneel over my bed and just let loose on the world, it felt like i was drowning, i couldn’t get enough air everything hurt, everything was sore

3) things continued on like this for 5 straight days, i was literally in and out of consciousness, my fever got up to 102 and my mom said that if it raised at all from there we were going to the fuckin hospital and i was like listen la rona i know u wanna take me out but i havent even ever eaten a krispy kreme donut, please let me survive this i can’t leave this way, in that moment i literally had a fever dream of god herself, i said take this from me and i’ll stop being such a cunt in life. i started slamming hot toddy’s, i’d drink as much water as possible in between the time i wasnt literally trying to expel my lungs by way of my mouth

4) woke up from that whole ordeal drenched in SWEAT from my feet to my head i was soaked, it was gross, at that point i still had a sense of smell so let me tell you my last and final symptom should have kicked in a bit earlier but i checked my temp and it was normal! i didn’t feel like my head was going to explode! but i had new things going on i had a new stuffy/runny nose, my cough was producing some liquid which i proceeded to throw up into a mcdonalds cup i took a shower, i brushed my teeth, i felt like a brand new woman, i had cold like symptoms but i can live with cold like symptoms, i had an appetite for the first time in a week, felt like i could eat my whole family out of house and home given the opportunity, i’d lost 20 pounds in less than 2 weeks and ya girl was honestly, looking good but THAT’S A BAD WAY OF THINKING disregard please thank you, at this point i went into my doctor with a full on mask, gloves, hair pulled back, she gave me every test you can think of, most importantly a flu test which is all she could do since getting a test was impossible at this pint, which of course came back negative

5) things continued like this for weeks, up until right now actually, exhaustion was gone, fever gone, cough still here and there but not like how it was, i’ve put on makeup in my room, i’ve watched every season of law and order svu, i’ve gone on drives in my car just to drive, i’ve tried to keep myself as busy as possible, 3 days ago the strangest, most inexplicable and hopefully last symptom arrived, a complete loss of smell and bc of that taste, i’ve tried smelling candles, essential oils, laundry detergent, canned meat, my brother lit a match with my back turned and asked me what the smell was, i ate extra hot cheetos, raw onions, shot of vinegar, there’s nothing there, i just hope it comes back

during this time i haven’t been even close to my mother, who has lupus or my sister, who has asthma, i stayed in my room, i’m still in my room actually 14 full days out from the last time i left the house, one month since this whole thing started, i eat in my room, i use a different bathroom than my whole family, everyone talks to me from my door frame besides my little brother who also was sick but recovered super fast, he bleaches the bathroom after i use it, he puts all my food on single use plates, he brings me jugs of water and reminds me of what it’s like to at least talk to another person.

on a more serious note, i haven’t touched another person in 20 days nobody has even been within 6 feet of me besides my doctor who was administering the only tests she could administer, fully decked out in a hazmat suit, she was scared for me, i could tell, she was trying to put on a brave face and downplay the severity of my symptoms but thank god for her, she’s checked up on me, she’s tried everything, she’s put in calls, she’s made herself as available as possible even though she’s probably going through the same thing with countless other patients, i worry for her, i’ve worried for my family, i’ve stressed beyond the point of no return which has for sure slowed my recovery and i was one of the lucky ones! all of this and my case was considered mild because i never really had trouble breathing beyond being choked by my own coughing.

people have been there for me during all of this, in ways that are further reaching than touch, i have been very vocal about not liking when people touch me but i do look forward to the day i can hug my mom, where i can tell my friend to take a sip of my drink to see if she likes it, to have someone pat me on the shoulder and tell me to keep my head up or whatever

hopefully im on the other side of this, my more at risk family members are about to be 14 days from the last time any of them were near me or my brother, they’re at the end of a long tunnel and i’m just so happy that maybe soon we’ll all see the light

take care of yourselves

#tw for like puke and losing weight and just overall grossness

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cymbalism · 4 years

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dear diary, bc i don’t have one

May 30, 2020 Five years and one month ago, I wrote the post under the cut and saved it as a draft bc it was dire and self-pitying and TMI. This week I relived the same exact thing but this time, in addition to being sad and annoyed and in pain, I’m tired of hiding it. I’m tired of pretending I don’t hurt in some small way almost daily and don’t worry all. the. time. about whether there’s a bathroom nearby or if I can swallow the food I’ve been offered. I’m resentful of everyone who doesn’t understand basic anatomy and has the luxury of laughingly being afraid of needles because their lives don’t depend on knowing where their ileum is or being plugged into an IV every six weeks.

Eleven years ago when I was diagnosed with condition that will kill me in motion so slow it’s not considered fatal, I was determined not to let it define me, not to allow myself to be labeled a sick person. I still balk at sick person but, goddamn, there’s gotta be another word for what I am because normal and healthy do not apply and sick augers pity. I don’t want your pity. I want your respect. My life is hard and I often hate it. But I’m here. With my monstrous insides full of poisonous chemicals and no time for holistic gluten-free fermented-food orange shakra approaches. My starting point is well beyond well-meaning advice. I know ways pain can slice through a body that most people can’t imagine. But I’m here. And I don’t want to be quiet about how hard it is to be here anymore. I just want people to do me—and everyone like me—the respect of wearing masks and getting flu shots and not crumpling their faces when we talk about the facts of our existence.

April 30, 2015 This morning I had an endoscopy—the thing where they stick a scope down your esophagus into your stomach. I’d been having some trouble swallowing food. It’s happened before. In fact, I’ve nearly choked to death so often (not kidding wish I were kidding but not kidding) that I’ve developed a whole mental calculus while eating to prevent it: take small bites, chew like a thousand times, make sure there’s enough liquid in the mouthful, swallow carefully, take a breath after each swallow to make sure you can, repeat. Last time this happened they found a small web, like an extra membrane that developed along the curve of my esophagus that was constricting its movement and even acting like a shelf that food, pills, etc. got stuck on. The doctor broke it up with the scope and I went on my merry way. Two years later, this morning, I went back with the same problem, only this time the web went around the full circumference of my esophagus. The remaining opening was so small the scope couldn’t go through. They had to do this thing with inflating “balloons” and stretching and the upshot is I’m okay again now, but I feel like the victim of an attempted strangulation. My neck feels bruised to the touch. Swallowing causes the scary tightness feeling that reminds me too much of choking and hurts. You know that tightness in your throat when you’re trying not to cry? It’s that, but constant. Talking hurts too—different pipe, sure, but nestled against the sore spot. I know once the inflammation from the procedure goes down I’ll be okay, but right now . . . right now I’m just sad and annoyed and in pain. My body is so determined to kill me. There are so many things to stay on top of, to keep under control . . . I should’ve been dead a dozen times over by now, but modern medicine keeps patching me up. I feel like a constant science experiment, like Frankenstein’s side project, cobbled together and resurrected. And sometimes, like now, I wonder a little bit what my limit is, why it’s worth all those resurrections, whether I should just take the fucking hint. I mean I won’t. I’ll muddle through. But.

Nobody said it would be easy, but nobody said it would be this hard.

#autoimmune #a lot has changed in five years #and so much hasn't #for the someday essay

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juupajaa · 4 years

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Hey! So December's coming and I'm incredibly scared of it because for me December represents almost a daily huge family dinner (we've got birthdays in top of Christmas and New Year's) I was just wondering if you had any tips on how to survive it, since it's so full of triggers...

Yeah wow big holidays can be just awful at times 😬 I love Christmas but hhhhhhh there's a lot of eating involved.

The first thing I'm gonna say is that you dont have to eat more than you need to. Just because there's food everywhere all the time and more in the works constantly, you don't have to have five big feasts every day and a hundred cookies between each meal. People like to overdo it bc it's a holiday and a celebration, but honestly there's no reason why you should have to overeat just because it's a certain day.

You can still eat normal portions, normal amount of meals and normal amount of snacking, even if everybody else is going at it as if the food is gonna grow legs and run out the door. Yeah some people might get a little judgey, but honestly who cares. If you don't want to overeat just because it's Christmas, that's fine.

Secondly, when it comes to all that cake, cookies, chocolate and whatever else, if you want some you can absolutely have some. I find it easier to have sweets when I give myself a conscious permission to eat them. If I want some candy one day, I already start giving myself permission to eat it while I'm having breakfast. Throughout the day I'm telling myself that I'm going to get some candy today and that I can have as much of it as I want and that I have full permission to eat it. Spontaneous sweets might make you feel very guilty and uncomfortable if you're not at that place yet so keep an eye on that, but for me at least this has worked really well. You gotta give yourself that permission first, so it won't feel like you did something prohibited. It also helps me to remind myself that I can have "as much as I want" because it calms that mental hunger down a lot to hear those words. There's no need to panic, you have a permission and you can decide for yourself how much you want. (Obviously if you're prone to restricting, you have to eat enough to meet those proper nutrition quotas, but in general you can have as much as you want)

You can also start thinking about December as a whole. If you start thinking about every single day of the month and every single meal in them, it can get really overwhelming, so try to just shove all of that into one box and don't look at it too closely. It's just one month, that's nothing. I know you must dread it a lot, but try to think of December as something nice instead of a big ole danger pool. You're still in control of what's happening, you can still decide what you eat and how much of it and there's a lot of fun to be had. It doesn't have to be a constant source of stress and anxiety. Try to approach it with a little bit more confidence in the fact that you'll make through it easy-peasy. It's just a month like any other, you've made it through every Christmas so far, you've made it through countless birthdays, this shouldn't be any different.

I for one will really go for it this christmas since my last christmas was so pathetic😎 I'm gonna bake stuff and have some and that's cool. I'm gonna eat chocolate if I want to and I'm gonna snack on cookies if I want to, just like I would any other month. I might eat more sugar than I usually do, but it's just one month and it's gonna be fine.

Good luck and if you ever need encouragement or a permission to eat something, I'm your girl! 🎄🎅☃️

#answered #ed talk

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inkskinned · 6 years

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literally just a dumb unorganized list of school tips

source: im a grad student. i’ve had a lot of school. also i’m adhd & mentally ill and require +8 organization. this is mostly directed @ college students, but maybe high school students can use it too, fuck, idk, it’s been forever since i was stuck in that hell hole

just say “professor” either ur using the correct title for a person (will make them feel good) or you’re giving them a bigger title on the assumption they deserve it (which will make them feel good) and also prevents having to ever i mean ever use their names

talk at least 1 time a week in each class, aim for 1 time a day. even lecture classes. i fucking hate talking in front of more than 5 people, so what i would do is prepare a question about the hw/etc (even if i didn’t need it answered) to ask the professor after class so they saw me and got used to me and saw i was invested in their class. about 89% of teachers - if they see you try, they will pass you. i mean it’s literally that easy. i know people who went from like a c- but because they legit tried, their grade got bumped up to a b-.

if u have to bring a laptop, pre-download the required material/screenshot it, and then turn off your wifi. it’s too easy to not listen.

physical writing will always give you more information recall over typing.

nobody cares about stupid shit anymore trust me they don’t remember that you were accidentally locked in a towel out of your room bc they have their own dumb shit that happened.... in college all the “cringe culture” turns into “god i wish that were me” culture ... wear ur onesie to a party trust me you make +800 friends and 799 of them will be girls telling you you’re adorable and they’d die for you

about locking urself out.... if ur like me and can breeze past post-it notes placed in obvious areas, don’t be a dumb bitch and rely on post-it-notes. while most schools offer 1 free lockout, dont rely on it - it once took 2 hours before someone could get to me. i was in a towel, which meant no phone. so like. anyway, what i do now is i put something on the handle of the door i have to open/unlock. i can’t just open the door w/out the thing falling down and making a loud “you dumb bitch unlock the door before u shower” sound.

this works for all important don’t-forget it things. other obstacles i’ve used to remind myself to do something include: putting a chair with my wholeass posterboard in front of the door, an entire printer with a single piece of paper that just read “for the love of god check to be sure you have that essay”, and a recycling bin i kept forgetting to empty. guess what bitch finally emptied the bin once it was between me and a swift exit!

no offense and like the whole “it’s the best years of your life!” thing is great but in reality everything goes better scholastically when you treat it as “i came here to win, not to make friends.” i still did make friends, went to parties every weekend, was popular enough i’d be invited to several on one night - but i came there to win. when i put my scholastic life and my mental health first, i went from a 2.0 to a 3.98. yes you can, bitch.

you’re spending the money. don’t squander it. trust me when i say i know plenty of people who breeze through, bc you often can. but like. don’t. challenge yourself bc like. talk about an investment.

if you hate your major, change it. don’t make your life something you can’t stand. on that note, do NOT agree 100% to a track until you have at least some experience in the field. i cannot tell u how many ppl i know who got their whole masters/phd program done, walked into their new profession, and were like, Oh Fuck, I Can’t Live Like This.

college literally offers so many free things and if you’re not taking advantage of them whenever possible i get it but like. try to take advantage of them. this is everything from your gym (which probably has free classes dude) to clubs to like. sober events. these sober events are so ... fuckin good dude i’ve made mason jars with little plants in em... bee aviaries... candles.... go to the free stuff

oh ps on free stuff i wanna say about 4 of 5 days there’s free food on campus just look for things like job fairs, presentations, or discussion groups. also while you’re there at the job fair like. u know, go to the job fair in earnest

i took off 2 years to work and also to just. recover from my bullshit. and it took me 6 years and 3 schools to get my bachelor’s. it wasn’t easy but bitch i lived. there’s no such thing as “too long” to graduate if that’s truly what you want to do.

if on the meal plan, eat as clean as you can the first week. then introduce each part of the cafeteria’s possibly-food-poisoning-creating foods one at a time. give @ least 2 days between each experiment so you know for sure if you get sick what caused it. i literally never eat meat at school but you can still get sick off of unwashed lettuce/salad dressing that hasn’t been refrigerated properly/weirdass things you won’t even think of. this prevents like. dying in a public bathroom.

white loaf bread can be gross & boring. discount bakery section for your slightly chewy artisianal bread needs. if overstale, either toast it or dunk it into water and microwave it (unless u got an oven. use the oven if u can)

steal as many apples from the dining hall/events/etc as physically possible just do it they keep FOREVER and @ some point you’ll be like. fUCK i need a nutrition. ps if you’re keeping them in ur backpack (i wouldn’t keep more than 2) make sure to wrap w/a few paper towels so if you drop your bag you don’t get apple mush

write it all down bitch. “i’ll remember it” no you won’t. unless you are capable of remembering every idea on this list and in order, you won’t remember it. in general, if you write something 3 times, you will recall it correctly at least 80% of the time. i also read it out loud to myself, bc, you know, auditory recall

DO NOT just put your assignment at the top of your notes, unless you’re 100% sure that will work for you. in most cases, it’s much better to have a planner/agenda/place you expect to look for assignments. +7 points if you lie to yourself about deadlines and move them all up.

like not to sound too much like a DARE ad but like. if you don’t like it/don’t want it, don’t fuckin do it. the idea that “there’s nothing to do if you don’t party” is such bullshit. like i promise if you’re like “i am a grouch and want to stay in and binge netflix” about 45 ppl will show up in pjs like “bitch fullscreen it, im a grouch too.” there’s also like. the chance to just.... not overindulge. on wednesdays i have “wine wednesdays” where we sit around and drink a glass of wine while we do our hw. it’s chill and friendly instead of like. drink until u vomit. don’t feel like you either gotta slam the breaks or the gas pedal, is what i mean.

PLEASE know the signs of alcohol poisoning/overdose. most schools have a “Safety Always Matters Most” policy, which means that you can call for help w/out getting into trouble. if you think someone is in danger, act. this also goes for making sure ppl get home safe even if they’re just incapacitated, not poisoned. step in, dudes.

also just. notice when ur starting to rely on stuff too much. i’m super easily addicted to things, so i keep a healthy distance from liquor. i don’t let myself “drink to feel better” bc that’s a scary, scary thing to link to feeling better. if you or somebody u know starts drinking all the time/gets anxious if they don’t drink/drinks in the daytime .... get help. schools have counselling services for a reason.

you’re gonna get a cold/flu of some sort in the first 2 months just brace for it. in the meantime, drink vitamin c, try not to touch too many handles, and when people say “there’s something going around” believe them.

watch kaplan nike just do it

if you can teach it, you know the material. a super good way of knowing if you studied the right way is to try and teach the material to a stuffed animal/imaginary class.

“i don’t know how to study” bitch me too the fuck. this is usually bc we’ve been taught that studying is just sitting down and staring @ ur notes. it’s not. it’s different for everyone, and you need to understand it’s 99% preventative care. if you don’t go to the class or do the homework, studying is going to fucking suck, bc you’re learning the material all at once for the first time. the place you should consider “studying” is “i’m confident in 70-90% of the material, but need to review.” do not let yourself fall behind .... just go to office hours and ask questions if ur not getting something. studying should feel like you’re remembering what you already knew but kinda forgot, not like you’ve been blindsided.

the whole “writing it down in ur own words” while u have been told this 700 times it really helps bc it means u gotta translate it through your own understanding. if you can’t, and it’s not bc the material seems too obvious to you to state in another way - ask yourself if you don’t understand the material. chances are u are missing a bit of info.

i know it’s like A Thing that Some People do but i never had the mental health points for it but i know some people just take 15 minutes after every class to review their notes. since i’m 100% early to every class ever, obnoxiously so, i try to do it before class. having the last class’s notes up in my head super helps. like. put down the phone i know you’re socially anxious me too but review those notes. chances are if u start flipping through pages other ppl will too. this is also fun bc as soon as you start this whole thing, at least one person will be like “is there a test?” no bitch there’s no test but im gonna be ready when there is!

literally so much of success is fucking posturing i could link about 800 peer-edited studies that show that when a student is expected to do well (and knows they are), they do well. like i literally didn’t change my appearance at all, never bothered to look nice (once winter hits i wear 67 layers all the time), but when i showed up after my 2 years off from school, i presented myself with the whole “i came here to win” vibe and people... really respected me? i mean in hs i remember ppl saying shit like “yeah, well, you aren’t gonna have the homework”. by the time i was in college i had an honest-to-god conversation which included someone being like “so tell me what you’re overachieving at right now” like they just expected it from me. wild.

i live by “bite off more than you can chew, and then CHEW IT” but it’s probably unhealthy. the truth is that i have a lot of energy all the time (lmao adhd!!!) and i used to get told i was “trying too hard” and for a long time (still???) i didn’t (i don’t?) know what that was, you know, bc i had a D average, clearly i wasn’t trying. it turns out i was just. putting all my energy into stuff that wasn’t making me happy like toxic friendships etc. when i decided “nope, all this energy is for me and my schoolwork”..... uhhhhh suddenly i was a golden child and everyone praised my try-hardness ... it’s a fuckt up system tbh

take at least 1 class just for fun. i try to do that every semester. it helps break up all the requirements. if you’re like an engineer and got no time or credits left to spend, try to audit your fun course.

make ur advisor love you i don’t care what it takes make them cupcakes show up to thank them i dONT CARE just do it

the library isn’t always the best place. if i start getting anxious bc i pavlovian train myself that library=work, i find a new place to go to do hw. try to go outside if you can!!! not like where i live bc like it’s snow all the time but try. a little green really really really helps depression.

if you’ve been in the same “Studying” place for 1 hour and haven’t done anything the chances are Something Isn’t Right. first, look @ ur body. are you not focusing bc of some pressing physical need? sometimes just taking a shower and coming back helps. are you uncomfy? are you too comfy and going to sleep? if body okay, look @ the material. do you not understand it? do you just need to switch to a new topic for a little bit? can you find a youtube video that will help you better understand it? make notes on what you don’t get so you can ask in the next class. if it’s not the material, it’s not ur bod, check the Actual Space. sometimes just getting up, going for a short walk to a new place, and trying it there actually? really works? if none of this is working.... try ur brain next. hardest to reset bc like, what, turn it on and off again? i use things like caffeine, a short workout, a nap, or a podcast all to just... give me a little boost.

don’t be afraid to leave. i mean this about class, friend groups, and the college ur at. just get up on outta there if ur not feelin it. i cannot recommend “drop the class” enough. even if it’s a required course see if u can switch the times if u hate the professor day 3 it’s not gonna get better just get the fuCK out

don’t nap in the same position u go to sleep in, nap upside down w/ur head away from ur pillow. don’t ask me why but it works to 1. fall asleep faster 2. make sure u sleep okay at night and 3. wake up less annoyed

on that note don’t ever do anything in ur bed in a sleeping position unless it’s genuinely sleeping in it. body will get confused. just sit up, lazybones.

when/if the library has those therapy dogs during finals week.... just go pet them make the time for it

ask before hugging people, but don’t expect a “yes”

get a backpack that fits and doesn’t hurt ur back u fuckin hippie idc how cool it is to wear ur backpack super low just don’t do it it’s not worth it

the tutoring center is a fucking goldmine.... free essay edits my dudes

bring a fan dorms are always hotter than u expect

switch dorms if u can if u realize ur in the wrong room/wrong roomate like just don’t bother with nonsense

when in doubt, follow preschool rules. tell ppl when they did something cool, just ask when u need help, and be confident even in your mistakes, because at least u tried

#anyway

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