#but he’s obviously getting fed up with being treated like shit. he’s happy to do what it takes to make Dennis happy but den won’t even give

[purplekiwis]

Summary: It's no secret that as a figure skater, you're fed up with the local hockey team being treated like royalty... and your ex's status as a player isn't helping much either.

Genre: Exes to Lovers (Enemies to Lovers if you blink 😉)

Warnings: it's angsty and smutty

Wordcount: 8K

A/N: ummmmmm holy shit?! you guys really liked this fic 😫 i wasn't expecting this amount of love for this AU at all but your feedback has been making me so happy! i really hope you guys love this last part as well💙

THIS IS A 2 PART SERIES | YOU CAN READ PART 1 HERE ❄️

OTHER WORKS BY ME

You couldn’t resist.

As much as you hated him you couldn't resist. 

You didn't even waste time putting on your pajamas. As soon as you got to your room, you threw yourself on the bed, unzipped your jeans and finished off what Harry had started with the recollections of what he’d said and done to you on repeat inside your head.

And you didn't even feel bad about it as you laid in bed afterwards… motionless, apart from your hand that was still gently touching under your panties, playing around with the wetness as you slowly came down from the high. Honestly, you just felt extremely relieved… and sleepy, you were getting sleepy.

But the more you calmed down, the clearer your ideas became, and something Harry had said stuck with you. That last thing before you left - “now you know what it feels like to be left stranded” what the hell was that supposed to mean?

There was only one thing that you could think of that could fit that narrative, and that was you ending things before he got to take your virginity. As in, you made him wait for months and then just when he was about to get some, you broke things off.

As much as you wanted to believe that was the case and reinforce the concept that he was trash, that didn’t sound like something Harry would hold a grudge on... especially since he could have taken it if he wanted to. He was the one who suggested you’d take things slow. Besides, it wasn't like he had any trouble finding people to fuck with… as you were well aware of.

So why was he upset?

You couldn’t figure it out, nor could you figure out his reasons for doing what he had done earlier. Not the part where he stopped - that part you recognized had been some sort of vendetta.... but why had he kissed you like that? That hadn't been planned. You could tell.

He couldn't possibly be that desperate, could he? He had to be having sex, right? You probably would be if you weren't a virgin and stuck in the ridiculous belief that you should wait for ‘the one’.

Honestly, what a stupid concept.

Months ago you were certain that Harry was ‘the one’ for you and look where that got you.

Luckily though, you never blamed yourself for what happened. It might sound surprising, but it hadn't affected your self-esteem much or made you feel inadequate in any way... If anything, it had only taught you how real people function. Prior to it, you had a very black or white view of how things worked in relationships. Perhaps it was your innocence... but you had always thought that only bad lovers could do bad things.

Turns out that good lovers also can, and good lovers also will.

And no matter how much you try to taint your memory of them with anger and resentment in order to make sense of it all, you won't get to. The memories will always be clear and sweet and full of joy, even when reality isn't.

After what happened between you and Harry, moving forward in life was strangely uncomfortable.

Even though you thought about what happened by the bus all the time, it still didn't feel entirely real, or recent... more like a disturbingly vivid dream, or perhaps an old memory you only recently realized you had.

It didn't help that you hadn't told anyone about it - not even Niall - which was also weird. You felt as if you were keeping something from him, which to be fair… you were. It would have been easier to pretend nothing had happened if he hadn't been there that night, but he was, and obviously noticed how upset you were as soon as you got back in the car.

He still asked about it now and then, which was a little disconcerting and off character for Niall, but it was also the only proof you had that something had happened that night, and you weren’t completely hallucinating it.

In terms of your relationship with Harry, it had reverted to its previous state, which meant you weren’t talking or interacting in any way. You might have caught a glimpse of him at the rink or seen his car parked nearby, but nothing beyond that. He was gone like a ghost, once again, and you were mourning his absence.

But, as strange as it was to return to normalcy after such an unexpected turn of events, it felt good to be back on track.

To put on a costume, cover your face in shimmers, and take on the role of someone who wasn't really you. This girl was cheerful and optimistic; she wasn't depressed because a boy wasn’t in love with her. She had a lover who loved her back and held her tenderly while he danced with her over ice. And even if it only lasted for a short while, you got to share her joy, and felt it pour out of your own chest as the sound of applause took the place of the music...

And then that goddamn whistle blew.

Not just any whistle... but kind you improvise by taking the tips of your fingers to your mouth and blowing. It was familiar, for sounding so completely out of place amid the conventional clapping.

Your head snapped up to face the audience, eyes unapologetically searching for a particular face in the crowd.

Harry’s,

That was his whistling. The one you hadn't gotten to hear in months. The one you never thought you would miss if it wasn't there, but you did... a lot.

Funnily enough, you'd reprimanded him for doing it before, for considering it wasn't appropriate for this type of competition, but he always said he didn't care what other people thought; he'd cheer for his girlfriend regardless and clapping just wasn't his style.

There was no way this could have been him, though...

Harry hadn't attended your championships since your breakup, and you couldn't think of a good enough reason for him to come back now… unless he had come to see someone else, but if he wasn't here for you, why would he be cheering so hard for the competition?

You'd already given up on scanning the crowd as you skated off the ice, but when Niall turned to you and asked, “What’s Styles doing here? Did you invite him?” that stubborn, burning itch was rekindled inside of you.

“No, of course I didn’t invite him.” Your voice was quiet, but it still sounded startled. “Was that really him, are you sure?”

“Yeah, I'm sure… but you can check for yourself if you want. He’s sitting right next to exit B.”

You tried to sneak a peek, but you didn’t get the chance to because as soon as you got close to the border Paul, one of the skating coaches you worked with, came over to discuss your performance. As much as you would have liked that not to be the case, there was no truth in saying that the coach's arrival took your mind off Harry right then and there, but you forced yourself to focus. There were more important things. He wasn't the top priority. He was a baffling enigma.

“Do you think we did well? I got the feeling my landing after the Toe Loop was a little wonky…” You asked, concerned about the ranking. You were pleased with how you had performed in the short program, but the technical errors made during the free skating segment worried you a little.

Niall grunted a laugh in response to your question. “You think yours was bad? How about mine during the Axel? I completely messed it up.”

“We'll work hard to improve those for the next phase of the championship, which I'm still confident you'll be cleared for.” Paul attempted to reassure you before you began hurling more questions at him. He wasn't usually one to try and avoid other people's drama, but he did during championships, since his stress levels were already at an all-time high. “The duo that came before you were technically very good, but they had a big issue with emotional delivery, which is not a problem for you two.”

“Do you really believe that we’re clear then?” asked Niall, who was beginning to look a little more relieved.

“I’d be outraged if not, but let’s wait for the judges' verdict... they’ll announce your score at any moment now. We’ll still have to wait to see how the other pairs do, but I’m not expecting any big surprises.”

Sure enough, not long after Paul finished speaking, you heard what sounded like the beginning of an announcement. “Oh God, I think it’s happening- quick, someone hold my hand.” Niall stepped forward as soon as you asked, and when your scoring sheet came, you both immediately focused on it - scrutinizing all the details of the technical elements and program components of your performance. “Please, please, please, please…oh my- Ahh!!” Your muttering turned into a shriek as Niall’s arms encircled your shoulders in a tight embrace. You both laughed out loud and started jumping up and down as soon as you hugged him back. It was a thrilling moment.

Despite a few technical flaws, you were able to match your score from the previous year, what indicated that you would not only progress to the next phase but most likely also make it to the podium.

“It was well deserved, my dears… bravo!” Paul, who had been peeking at the sheet from behind you, commended with a clap.

“We wouldn’t have done it without you, coach.”

“I appreciate the compliment, but it was your hard work that got you here. I only made a few tweaks here and there.” In all of his extreme campiness, the man grinned broadly and clapped enthusiastically. “Oh, what an amazing effort and outcome! I can't say I'm surprised when you are my favorite skaters to watch… together with the new girl who arrived from Xiamen, of course.”

“Mei?” A flustered Niall asked upon hearing the coach mention the girl he knew well.

“Ah yes, she’s marvelous! I tried to pair her up with Maurice as soon as she got here but sadly, she refused. Said that apart from you Niall, none of the male skaters were at level with her and well, what could I say? She wasn’t wrong.” Niall's flushed cheeks escaped Paul's notice because his attention was drawn somewhere in the back. It was well-off because if it hadn't been, Paul might have had the urge to play cupid. If there was one thing he adored more than teaching, it was putting pairs together, especially when they were actual lovebirds. “Oh no, I believe I just saw one of my students explode into tears...” Despite the way he took his hand to his chest in dramatic fashion, there was a hint of amusement in his voice. “Better go check out the situation over there now… but once again, my darlings… congrats, and good luck!”

“Thanks, coach.” You both spoke as Paul fled the scene. But as soon as the two of you were alone together, Niall turned to you and exclaimed, “Wow, did you hear that? How cool is it that she thinks I'm at level with her?” He grinned to himself like lovesick fool, “Do you think there could be any another meaning to that?”

“I think it means she thinks you’re cute.” That sounded like something one would say if they were interested. “And, has probably fantasized about being your skating partner, which won’t happen because I’m not up for trading you with Maurice either, but you should definitely ask her out.”

“Do you really think so?” You made a gesture as though the answer was obvious. “What should I ask her to do, then? I'm not even sure what options there are. I'm terrible at planning dates.”

“Hmm… she seems a bit competitive, so I imagine she would like something she could beat you at, like bowling or the arcade. But you could also play it safe and take her to the aquarium instead; that's always a win.”

“Oh man, you're really good at this,” He noted down your suggestions on his phone so he wouldn't forget them later. “Oh, and by the way, I didn’t want to switch partners either... you know how gassy I get when I'm nervous for a performance. I can't let her see me like that.”

“Yeah, I know. Don’t remind me.”

Since Niall seemed to be distracted by his thoughts and phone, you took the opportunity to approach the rink's edge and have a look at the benches near exit B.

The sight made your stomach drop.

Harry wasn’t there.

However, there was a vacant seat in the back, suggesting that someone had been sitting there up until recently. You thought he'd stick around until you left...

Your heart had been racing at the prospect of seeing him after the contest was over, but now that he was gone, you were beginning to suspect that you weren't the skater who had enticed him to attend.

That empty seat - it sent your mind into a tailspin and brought back the one reason why you had broken up with that…

Backstabbing traitor.

Honestly, you were furious at your own stupidity for harboring expectations. He didn't care about you. Never had, never would. He only cared about himself.

Niall joined you at the border, leaning against it like you were. “We have to go out tonight to celebrate. I don't even care if we make the top three; the fact that we're sure we'll go to the next phase is enough for me.”

You put on a brave face. “Where were you thinking of going?”

“I don’t know. Somewhere we don’t have to drive to. My goal is to consume enough alcohol to have no memory of how I got home tomorrow morning.”

“Huh uh, and then it's up to me to put up with your drunken gibberish and drag you to bed at the end of the night… got it.”

“Eh, I'm sure I’d make it on my own... it wouldn't be the first time.” He half- shouldered and after a brief moment of silence, offered a suggestion. “I heard there will be a party tonight at the sports bar. It'd be fun to go, but I don't know... there’s a chance the hockey team will be there.”

You took a deep breath in, “I have no problem going if you want... even if they're there. I don't give a damn about them.”

“Seriously? Awesome then! It's going to be fun; you'll see... and there will be other girls there too. I think Natalia will, at least... I saw her posting about it on Facebook.” Niall reported enthusiastically, already animated about the plans. You tried to look lively as well, or at least smile a little.

“Will Mei be there?”

“Oh, I have no idea. I hope not... or yes, I don't even know.”

You forced a smile again, thinking to yourself that that was exactly how you felt about a very, very infuriating player.

It was almost certainly the worst party of the century, and you'd gotten dressed up for it.

There was music playing, but it was at such a low volume that it was completely drowned out by the sound of the television, which was, predictably, broadcasting sports nonstop. An NFL game was currently on, but you weren't even interested enough to bother finding out who was partaking. The whites were pitted against the blues. That was all you needed to know.

You and Niall had taken a seat in a quiet corner, wanting to hold a table in reserve for when the bar started getting crowded. That hadn’t exactly happened, at least not in the way you had anticipated. Several people had arrived, but none of them were especially fascinating to you.

There was an old man drinking alone, three suit-clad men in their 40s, a group made out of six male friends and two supportive girlfriends, a super fan of one of the teams playing who spoke more to the television than everyone else in the room combined, and, interestingly enough, Natalia.

She was the only reason why you stayed instead of going elsewhere.

When she walked into the bar and saw you and Niall, a look of great relief had taken over her entire face. She'd sat down at your table and hadn't gotten up since. Five consecutive beers later, Niall was already slightly boozed up.

Because of your early bird sleep schedule, you guys didn't typically come out for drinks much. As a result, it didn't take long for him to start getting a little drowsy while staring intently at the TV, leaving you to listen to Natalia's ramblings.

That was what you got for choosing soda over something stronger.

She had been telling you about how she’d went there to meet a guy she was casually texting with, but apparently the night had changed his plans and he had ended up going to another bar with his friends.

She still had plans to meet him there until the night was done but was currently pretending to be busy and unconcerned as payback. All he had heard from her in the last 2 hours was that she had ran into some friends and decided to hang out with them a while. “You know… just so he doesn't think I’m that interested,” she had confided to you after taking a sip of her beer.

Speaking of beer, Niall had practically passed out on top of his. He was officially knocked out, and you were going to have to take him home soon. This party was shit, but the mere thought of dragging your well-built friend up the stairs of your apartment was making you want to stay longer.

Fortunately, Natalia offered to help you carry him because she was also going in that direction, and ultimately ended up assisting you in putting him to bed, and using your bathroom as well. On her way out, you offered to walk her to the door, at which point she gave you a once-over and questioned, “Would you like to come to this other party with me?” 

You blew air out of your cheeks. “Ha, thanks but I'm not sure I want to go out again...”

“Oh, okay. It's just….you’ve dressed up so nicely. If I were you, I think I wouldn't resign myself to that lame party we went to. I would have thought it would be a waste of that outfit.” She bounced on her heels. “Just for a little while? It's not far. It's practically right next door.”

“Where is it again?”

“At the other sports bar—I know, it sounds dull—but this one is packed because the hockey team is having a party there.”

You knew which bar she was referring to, and its location wasn't exactly what you considered to be right next door. Sure, it was within walkable distance, but it was getting late. A little too late for a girl to be safe walking by herself outside.

You realized that keeping Natalia company just because you didn’t want her to walk alone was dumb since you would be putting yourself in the same predicament on the way home, but you still felt bad knowing she would be walking by herself there.

Besides, she was right; you deserved to be seen by more people. And, especially by a certain hockey player who had been dumb enough not to appreciate what he had while he had it. The only problem was that, as usual, he wasn't really in the mood for being appreciative.

He was in the mood to be nasty, and his expression made that clear when he didn't look the least bit pleased to see you arrive.

The razor sharp glance he sent your way caused your confidence to dwindle. He didn't want you at this bar, and fortunately for both of you, you weren't in the frame of mind to defy his wishes. As a matter of fact, you had already turned around and exited the same door you had entered through, but then you heard him approach you from behind. “What the fuck are you doing out here alone?” His intervention stopped you in your tracks, but you never turned to face him. He crossed the sidewalk to get to you. “Where’s Niall?”

“In bed.” You responded candidly. “I just came to walk a friend, but don’t worry… I'm already leaving.”

“Alone?”

“Obviously. Unless, of course, you have any intentions of walking home with me, which I doubt.”

“Why would I ever wanna do that?” He asked brusquely, but his voice instantly grew softer when he noticed your dejected grimace. “Would you like me to?”

“Would it make any difference if I did?”

He shrugged. “Maybe.”

“You know what? Fuck you.” God, that felt great to get off your chest. “Seriously, why do you have to act so goddamn cold around me all the time?! It's aggravating!”

He snorted in disbelief. “Fuck me? No, fuck you. It was you who made me in this way! You broke me.” He got closer, until he was practically in your face. “How am I supposed to act Y/N? Tell me, how do you want me to act after what you did to me?”

“After what I've done to you? I was in love with you, you jerk!”

“Why did you break up with me, then?”

It didn't matter that you weren't scared of him, you still weren't immune to the pressure his eyes were putting on you. Your façade was crumbling. “You know why.”

“Cut the shit, Y/N.” He insisted, practically snarling. “You're lying to me, just like you did before. I saw it in your fucking eyes the other day, and I see it right now! Why did you break up with me?”

Harry’s agitating proximity was making you lose your cool. For the first time, you felt compelled to answer the question truthfully, so you did, “Because I found out you were cheating on me.”

His face fell. “What?”

“Don’t play dumb with me, Harry. I saw your dms all right? ‘can't talk right now, gf’s here. i’ll hit you up as soon as she leaves’, does that ring any bells? No? How about ‘nah, we’re fine. she won’t get sus.’?”

“I swear to God, I have no idea what you're talking about.”

“Really? Well then, maybe you forgot the texts, but I'm sure you remember the nudes she sent you, don't you?”

“What nudes?”

“Stop, okay? I saw it with my own eyes! She was sending you disappearing photos. I’m not stupid, Harry- I know what that feature is for! And then you asked for more, from different angles, and when she sent them you were all like ‘wow. those look amazing’… Oh! and of course, my personal favorite, ‘definitely much better than hers lol’.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I am talking about a skater who came here in the last competition. The one you were going to meet up with behind my back.” He appeared to be totally lost as his brows were furrowed deeply. “Oh wait, I think I get it now. She wasn't the only one, was she? That’s why you don't remember. You’ve probably lost track.”

“I never cheated on you.” It almost sounded true the way he said it. Shame that you knew he was lying. “I might have talked with a girl or two while we were dating, but never with that purpose in mind and I’ve certainly never made plans to meet any of them.”

Your scoff was loud and clear. “So you want me to believe that it was all a coincidence that after you cancelled our plans that day, I happened to walk into the locker rooms and there was a girl saying she was going to be meeting up with you at the time we were supposed to be hanging out?"

“And you believed her?”

“Why would I not believe her, Harry? She showed me the convo. She showed me your profile. It was you!”

“Hold on, wait- you said she was a skater?”

“Yeah, and-” Unexpectedly, Harry started laughing, as if he thought this was some kind of practical joke that you were playing on him. “What are you laughing about you maniac?”

He kept laughing, but his laughter had become cynical, like he couldn’t believe this could actually be happening. “That bitch. That big fucking bitch…” He wrapped his arms over his head and started pacing aimlessly. “She came up to you and told you that bullshit? How did she even know who you were? ‘Cause I didn’t tell her… wanna know why? Because of this! Because I know how bigmouthed skaters are and I didn't want her to start spreading shit around.”

You crossed your arms. “Oh, so you're admitting to it, then?”

“No!” Harry shouted; a bit louder than he meant to. “I mean yes, I talked to her, but none of what she told you is true.” You rolled your eyes, still not convinced. “I don't get how you believed her though. What, some girl comes up to you like “hey, sorry to break it to you but your boyfriend is a cheater”, and you just believe her? Is that really how little you trusted me? I mean, fuck Y/N…”

“That is not how it happened, asshole.” You responded defensively. “I overheard her talk with her friend, so I butted in on their conversation. I pretended I was just a fan of yours and asked her to give me the scoop. She got all haughty and told me everything, including the juicy bits.”

“What juicy bits? There were no juicy bits…” He brought his fingers to his eyes and rubbed them ferociously. His anguish was evidenced by the tic. “Why didn't you ask me? Couldn't you just make a scene? Slap me? Call me names? I mean, shit… If you had asked me I would have explained myself and all this shit would have been avoided. But no, of course you couldn't just ask. You had to break up with me through a text out of the blue, saying you liked someone else and leave me thinking you were in love with fucking Niall or some shit.”

“You thought I was in love with Niall? Are you actually insane?”

“Is it really so far-fetched? I mean, you two are always together, and when you're skating he's always holding you and touching you and whatnot. I always thought he was a bit too handsy with you, so it wasn't hard to assume...”

“Harry… Niall is my best friend.”

“What are you trying to say, then? That nothing happened between you two? Even in the past few weeks, whenever I would ask you something, you would always be like, “Oh, I was just with Niall doing this or that”. It was like- like you were rubbing it in my face.” You felt glad that Harry was finally speaking up and expressing his feelings, even if his words were still tinged with bitterness. “I went crazy on Tuesday when you told me he was waiting for you in the car. Just the thought of him taking you home and touching you like I used to made me so... resentful, I guess that’d be the best word to describe it. I wanted to get even with you. To make you feel used in the same way I did. To prove to you that I was better and that you had made the wrong choice by picking him. I wanted to give you a taste of what it was like and then take it away. Even worse, I wanted you to feel guilty about cheating on him, without any real gratification to back it up.”

You exhaled in disbelief, shaking your head. “So that's what that thing on Tuesday was about? It was revenge ‘cause you thought I had left you to go be with Niall? Christ, Harry… I never imagined you'd think it was him, much less that you’d care if it was.” You paused, taking a deep breath before telling him the whole truth. “I only said I liked someone ‘cause I thought getting dumped would hit you harder if you felt like you were easy to replace. I didn't want to give you the satisfaction of knowing you had hurt me, so figured if you thought I wasn't that into you, I'd have the upper hand in some way.”

“Fuck, Y/N…You really fucking crushed my heart that day. I've never felt more miserable in my life.”

“It was your fault for having conversations with other girls behind my back. And just to get things straight, even if it was just sexting and you had no intentions of doing anything, that still counts as cheating and it's enough reason for me to be glad I ended things with you.”

“I told you already, I never sexted with her. There was only one reason why we were talking and that was because I was going to buy something for you.”

“What-” You choked momentarily. “What are you referring to?”

“Your coach said you needed to get a replacement for something. Something you didn't want to ask your mom money for because she had just bought you a new outfit for the competition.” You blinked twice, as recollections prior to that day began to flood back to you. “Do you remember now?”

“What, you mean like the new blades for my skates?” There was an urgent expression on Harry's face, as well as a look of impending madness in his eyes. He nodded his head. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“Did you notice her skates?”

“No, not really.” You replied honestly. You supposed that your indescribable rage at the time toward her and your ex-boyfriend might have prevented you from noticing that minor detail, but so what? Why was that relevant?

“She was wearing Riedells, but she used to wear Jacksons, the exact same model you have.”

“Okay…?”

His hands touched your arms as he came closer. “She added me on Instagram, and I saw that she was selling her old skate blades for a good price. She had to get new boots and ended up changing brands, so she opted to get new blades too.” You were a bit baffled, but nevertheless interested in seeing where he was going with this. “The point is she was looking to sell her Jackson blades second-hand, and I was going get them ‘cause they were practically new, and even had that cool purple finish you liked and all that. The so-called nudes you thought she was sending me were actually pictures of her skates because I wanted to make sure everything was in good shape before I bought it.”

His revelation shocked you to your core, leaving you shaking your head in bewilderment. “Why in the world would you do that?”

He locked his wide-eyed gaze on yours, as if the answer should be evident. “‘Cause your crusty, old-ass blades were holding you back! You were off the ice sharpening them every 10 minutes. Everyone could tell. Even your coach kept pointing it out.”

“Yeah but why would you do something like that behind my back?”

“Because you would have thrown a fit if I told you beforehand. You would have never let me get them even if it was a good deal.” He took his phone out of his coat pocket and started fiddling with it as he spoke. “Here. Just for the sake of transparency, I'd like you to read the whole thing. That way you can get rid of any suspicions you might still have.” After some scrolling, he found the old conversation, opened it, passed the phone to your hands and waited.

His body language indicated that he was impatient for you to finish reading, but he gave you some time to do so. “Are you done?” He inquired as soon as you stared at him. Face now dotted in tears from regret upon realizing he was telling the truth.

“I’m sorry, I-” Your tone was broken. The moment after you handed back the phone, you practically collapsed to the ground, shielding your eyes with your hands to try to contain your tears. “I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions based on what that girl told me... she was lying and I- I fell for it like an idiot when I should have known better. You were my boyfriend, and I- I should have given you the benefit of the doubt. I should have confronted you and asked for an explanation instead of just breaking up with you without telling you the real reason why.”

“Baby, hey…” Harry knelt beside you and supported your back, refusing to let you sit on the street floor. “We’ll figure it out, okay? We're talking. There's no need to be sad about it now. Come on, let's sit on a bench or something.” You stood up after saying yes with your head. As Harry sat beside you, his hand clutched yours. He touched it lovingly before and after he began speaking, “I'm really sorry too... for being too proud to question you about it. After your text, I kind of just assumed you had been using me to make Niall jealous and stuff. It made me feel stupid, which is why I didn't initially intervene when our coach messed up your practice. You were right, I could have said something, but as childish as it sounds, I saw that as a way to get back at the two of you.”

“I suppose we were both idiots, right?” You asked, turning your head to face him with a sniffle. “We’ve ruined something good just because we were too scared to speak of it.”

He chuckled briefly, almost painfully. “Yeah, I guess so…” His gaze paused on his feet for a moment before returning to you. “We could still um... try, if you want to.”

You sniffled once more, this time with a glimmer of hope. “Try?”

“Yeah, to get back together. If you wanted to, I can't think of any reason why we shouldn't.”

Your mind wandered for a moment. There was something missing from the proposal. Your heart liked it, but something more was needed. “Do you even like me, or are you saying that just because it feels like the right thing to do?”

“Do I like you? Y/N, I love you.” It was Harry's hands that lifted your face off the floor, so you had to look him in the eyes. Those dazzling, bright green eyes of his. “Do you love me?”

“Yeah, I do, quite a lot…” With a big smile on his face, Harry brought his gaze to your lips, a silent warning of what was coming next. It was a beautiful moment, but the brat in you couldn't resist, “…considering Niall is still unavailable and all…”

Harry's fingers wrapped around your jaw and squeezed your cheeks a little. “Not funny.” His lips touched yours.

Your lips touched his. “A little funny.”

“Don’t upset me.”

“Why?” You nipped his lower lip. “What are you going to do, Harry?”

“It’s dirty...”

“Now I really want to know.”

He flashed a sly smile, then leaned over and touched your ear with his lips. “I’m going to take you home with me and have you make up for all the time you made me go without that mouth.” Your breath caught in your throat as you considered what he had said, and once you finally let it out, it came out as a whimper. His hand squeezed your thigh in response. “Gonna lick you too... make you cum… how does that sound, princess?”

A blur filled the distance between the bar and Harry's rented flat. The only thing you could recall was the warm dampness of his mouth stealing kisses from yours as he took your hand and led you there.

There were also reminiscences of kissing at the front door, in the hallway, on the bedroom wall, and finally on the bed, where you hurriedly undressed one another out of an intense desire to see and touch again.

Harry's eyes were filled with hunger. It was not surprising that a few moments later you were sprawled across the bedding, with a very hungry mouth lapping at the space between your spread-out legs. “You love it when I bury my face in your pussy like this, don’t you? Your thighs are shaking so much…”

“Can you really blame me? You're- ngh, so good.”

“Mmm, baby... when you're this tasty and creamy, it really isn't difficult. I could lick you around here all day…” He gave your pussy a thorough, slow lick, his green eyes fixed on yours. “Maybe I will,”

Holding his hair a little tighter, you let out a panting breath. “I think I'd cum a lot.”

“Mhm, you’d look so cute cumming in my mouth…” He lowered his head once more, this time offering not only his tongue but also some suction. “Are you gonna cum in my mouth, Y/N? Gonna let me lick it all up?” That was his final set of questions before he went down with the intent of not coming back up until he got what he wanted. From there, the rise was quick and easy. Within a minute or so, you were whining loudly and shaking all over.

“Mm-hmm… ah, mm… I'm gonna cum in your mouth. I’m gonna come in your- I’m gonna-” You muttered as you got closer and closer, until finally, that nice, warm feeling swept through your entire body, causing it to writhe on the bed.

Harry still licked you for a while longer, moaning at the taste on his tongue and mumbling something about how hot and wet it was. He was having fun, so you let him have it until your clit started getting tender, at which point he stopped and crawled up to kiss you.

He was being very loving and gentle, but his reproductive system had other ideas. The heat of his erection touched your skin, reminding you that he was probably already experiencing some discomfort from being so horny, so you told him to be still and got on your belly in between his legs.

“Fuck baby…” He moaned, letting his head fall back as soon as he felt your soft lips close around his tip and sucking it into your mouth. “That’s perfect… nice and slow, suck me just like that...”

You did as he said, not that you had other option because you had a sensitive gag reflex. You could never really get your head to sink all that far. As soon as your lips passed the halfway point in the length, you started to choke on it. You were a little self-conscious about it at first, but Harry had never complained. He loved your blowies regardless, and whenever you asked him if he minded, he always argued that what got him most was watching you suck with eagerness, not how far you down could take it.

Meanwhile, you always used your hand to make up for what was missing and tried to maintain eye contact because you knew he liked to look into your eyes - especially when they started to become watery from the effort.

“Yes. Right there, baby… that feels so good.” He praised when you began alternating between sucking and licking the underside of his glans. You could tell he was getting close. The taste of precum in your mouth had grown stronger, and the muscles at the base were starting to get twitchier. “Keep your eyes open, look at me. Shit, so fucking hot.”

You were expecting him to finish, but instead he breathed in deeply and gently guided your head away. “Did it stop feeling good?”

He smiled broadly and caressed your cheek. “No, it was too good, that's why I stopped you.”

“We didn't have to stop; you know I like how it tastes.”

“I know, but I don't want it to end like this; I want to try other stuff.” He explained as he guided your body up onto the bed and into a  laid down position. His proposition intrigued you, despite the fact you didn't really know what he was plotting. He had your trust, even when he placed himself between your legs and opened them wide. “Do you mind if cum over your pussy while I rub up on you? It's more intimate this way.”

“No, I don't mind. It sounds hot.” You replied with a small chuckle, so he drew closer and rubbed his erection on you - collecting the moisture between your lips and continuing to spread it up from your hole. When he struck your clit, you moaned and let out a small “…that feels good.”

“It does, doesn’t it?” His hands held your knees in place while his hips took care of the rest. Harry was right; it felt more intimate like this, especially because your pleasure was being shared rather than taken in turns.

Rubbing up on each other was all you did for some time, until things started to heat up more. Harry re-grabbed his erection, which was growing hotter and harder, and guided it down to your hole. “Don’t panic, I’m not going to push it in.” He warned before you felt his tip nudge your opening, applying just a bit of pressure. “I want you to want me to push it in.”

“God, you’re so hot.” It was impossible not to say it after hearing that sentence come out of his mouth. Especially being aware that his intention wasn't to encourage you to ask right away, but to assure you that he wouldn't do anything unless you wanted him to. He would always respect your limits, no matter how difficult it was for him to refrain from going any further while gently pushing the tip in and out. At times he would groan a little and push a little harder, but then, just when you thought he was about to give in, he would pull out and go back to rubbing around your clit.

“Push it in.” You blurted out suddenly when he was about to do it again. “I can't handle any more of this go, no go situation. It feels really good, but it's driving me insane, and I bet it's driving you insane as well.”

Harry chuckled at your directness. “Yeah, it is a bit. I'm dying to break you in as I’m sure you can tell. I really want to fuck you, but I’ll hold out until-”

“I don't want to wait any longer. We've already waited far too long.”

“Okay, um… if you’re sure you want to...” He smiled and caressed your legs as he spoke. “If we skip on the rubber, is that okay with you? It'll feel better like this… and since it's your first time, I'm guessing you want to know what the real deal feels like. I'll pull out before, so don't worry.”

“Yeah, I think I'd like to know how natural feels first...”

“You'll love it, I'm sure.” He climbed on top of you, seizing the opportunity to love up on you a bit when he felt you place your arms around his back to pull him closer. “I’m going to do the exact same thing we were doing before. The only difference is that this time I'll be pushing to get inside, okay?”

“Yeah, okay.” You nodded, pecking his lips again before saying, “You can go, I’m ready.”

Harry adjusted himself on top of you, getting into position, and then he pushed. Because of the foreplay, he didn't have to press all that hard for you to feel it slip inside. It didn't hurt nearly as much as you presumed. It was only a slight stretching, but it was a really pleasurable fullness. It was like, after all the buildup, your body was relieved to be getting what it had been craving.

Taking one step at a time, Harry’s hips swung back and forth to urge the rest of him inside as well. You were moaning under your breath from his thrusts, even though they were slow and tentative. “Are you alright? Is it hurting?” He asked when he noticed your noises becoming slightly louder.

“No, I'm fine- there’s no pain at all.”

“Good, that's awesome.” He said, clearly pleased with the news. “I'll move slowly at first. As we go, the pace will pick up a little. I promise to be gentle but let me know if you're uncomfortable with anything.”

“Okay but don't worry too much, I'm really enjoying it.”

“What if I do this?” As he asked the question, he moved his hips so that his tip was aligned with the inside spot his fingers always searched for.

“Oh- Mhm, that’s good.” It really was. It felt amazing- to be this close and full and have Harry holding you and grunting right next to your ear, all because your pussy was warm and making him feel good.

He began moving more freely once he sensed you letting go a little more. The sound of his hips slamming into yours was filthy, as were the sobs of pleasure coming from your mouths at every snap. “Fuck baby, you feel incredible around me.” Harry purred, “I'm glad we skipped the condom but being this close to you is driving my dick crazy. You're making it really hard for me not to-”

“It’s okay if you do, I don’t mind.”

You felt Harry’s head shake in response. “You before me.” He stated firmly, like that was an important criterion for him. His lips brushed up against your collarbone, then up to kiss your neck and your ear. “I’ll give you my dick all night if I have to. I don’t care how long it takes- you’ll cum on it.” He changed positions slightly and then, after checking his mouth for spit, lowered his hand and said, “…Perhaps a little extra would help-” before you felt his thumb start rubbing over your clit.

Your reaction was immediate – you twitched on the bed and made an obscene sound. Harry’s hips and thumb sped up in response to your moaning. “That's it, baby. Moan- show me what feels good.”

“Please nghh… I wanna cum, make me cum.”

“Fuck me, your pussy’s perfect.” By how tightly Harry’s other hand gripped your flesh, you could tell he was holding back not to burst. He usually held up well, but the time you guys had spent fondling had clearly affected him as much as it had you - not to mention the extra thrill of trying something new. “Come on baby, let’s go… just focus on the pleasure… think of how full you are-”

A moan and tremor accompanied your positive response to his words. “Mhm, that's me. You're full of me. It’s my dick inside you, making you feel good,” More spit was added to his hand, intensifying the sensations on your clit. “And that’s me here too… you can feel it, can’t you baby? Yeah, I know… do you like when I flick your little clit like that? It’s so wet… I bet it feels so good.”

Your unconscious was gripped by Harry’s words, that were forcing your mind to hone in on exactly what he was saying. “Oh my god,” You sobbed out loud as you began to feel your senses heighten beyond control and then, within mere seconds, your entire body was enveloped in a strong, warm sensation of pleasure all over again.

“Fuck- that’s right, baby. Cum for me- wanna feel you on my- Shit. Oh, fuck-” He pulled out at the last second – grunting as he jerked himself into spurting thick white cream over your clit and his thumb, that was still flicking over it to finish you off. “…Fuck yess.” That was his last growl, uttered once he started rubbing his dick on you again. His hand milked it down to the last drop, letting it sprinkle all over your swollen pussy lips.

Right after he finished, you looked into his eyes, and they were glowing. A big smile engulfed his face as he burst into laughter. His laugh was effervescent and contagious. You couldn't resist the urge to join him since the oxytocin rush was making you want to giggle as well.

“Are you okay?”

“Mhm, I’m okay. I promise.”

“Good, that's what I was most concerned about.” He explained as he stood up. “Let me just get something to clean you up while we unwind, okay? We made quite a mess.”

“Yeah, okay- thank you.” In an instant, Harry left the room and came back carrying a towel that had been soaked in hot water. He sat at your feet and began cleaning you gently. You smiled as you watched him. “Was it good for you?”

He returned your smile. “It was you, so… how could it not be good? It was like, way better than good… but uh, I want to know from your perspective. How did you like it?”

“It was perfect- everything was. Honestly, it couldn’t have been more perfect. I don't think many girls have a first time that’s this nice.” You tensed a little when you saw him inspect your hole; he touched it with his fingers and opened it to look. You had no idea what he was looking for, but you guessed he was just curious to see what had changed. “Am I bleeding?”

“Not that I can see, no. I was a little worried because I thought I might have been too rough. I don’t know, I wasn't planning on doing this today, but it happened and…” He paused, then knelt on the bed and kissed the area between your legs softly. They were appreciative kisses. “I guess I just want to make sure that you're okay and happy with how it went.”

Your fingers stroked his hair as he continued to kiss you. His eyes locked on yours. “I wasn’t expecting it to happen today either, but I'm happy it did, and I’m not saying it just for the sake of saying it. It was really perfect and no, not rough at all. It was really good... and special, like you wanted.” The sparkle in his eyes suggested how pleased he was to hear those words come from your mouth. “I’m really, really happy that it was you.”

“I’m really, really fucking happy that it was me too.”

taglist: @victoria-styles

#harry styles smut #harry styles fic #harry styles writing #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfic #hockey!harry #hockey harry #breaking the ice #purplekiwis #harry styles exes to lovers #harry styles enemies to lovers #harry styles one shot #hockeyplayer!harry #harry styles series #harry styles masterlist #harry styles imagine #harry styles x yn #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles fics #harry styles imagines #nhl!harry #harry styles angst #harry styles blurb #harry styles fan fiction #harry styles fanfics #harry styles fluff

[animebaby00]

Halloween Date With The MHA Boys' + Their Favorite Candies

Happy (early) Halloween ! I wanted to push this out for you guys now since I won't have time tomorrow.

Hope you all enjoy this sweet Halloween treat !

(Oh and btw, be prepared for the favorite candy sections to be a little on the...punny side >.<)

Izuku Midoriya:

Would undoubtedly wanna go trick or treating with you like the dorky adorable little broccoli boy he is. 

Aside from also being a child at heart, your answer is obviously yes because let's be honest…

Who's gonna say no to free candy???  

You make it a date and decide to get ready at his apartment, deciding to go out a little later when there are less children around and more people that are around your age.

You both decided on wearing complimentary costumes because #couplegoals. Angel and devil, police officer and inmate, doctor and nurse. You get the picture. But the costumes don’t hide everything, and you still get asked for autographs by a few very perceptive children. You and Izuku don’t mind in the slightest though, as it only adds to the fun. 

Admiring all the Halloween displays and decorations with a collection of selfies in front of the best ones. His favorite consists of you and him in front of a giant, orange, glowing cat that's in the shape of a pumpkin. 

You find out that a lot of older couples live in his neighborhood and you both get endless compliments about how cute you both are together and it leaves Izuku a stuttering mess while you laugh and give them your thanks. 

Oh and he holds your hand the ENTIRE time, swinging it back and forth, only taking breaks when the walkway to the houses are too narrow for you both to walk through.

Will hold your candy bucket for you when it gets too heavy. Because he will make sure you guys hit EVERY house.

“Izuku?”

“Yes Y/N?”

“My feet hurt.”

That’s literally all you have to say before this boy lifts you up and carries you back to his apartment where it's candy and cuddles for the rest of the night. And though Halloween was over, you didn’t miss Izuku mumbling in his sleep about what kind of costumes you would both dress up in next year.  

Izuku's Favorite Candies: Nerds, Sweet Tarts, Cry Babies (lol), Pez (especially the ones with the All Might themed dispensers), Sugar Babies, and Life Savers.

Bakugou Katsuki:

Despite being such a hothead, Bakugou can actually find it in himself to enjoy Halloween.

During the day, he has fun scaring the living shit out of his classmates with spooky masks, regardless of how much backlash he gets. He gets you a few times as well, but it's obvious he goes a bit easier on you because you’re, and he quotes, “One of the few people he can actually tolerate.”

He had invited you over that night to spend the evening with him so you thought maybe you were gonna go to a Halloween party or some spooky graveyard…

But when you got to his house, the last thing you were expecting was to see a mountain of scary and Halloween themed movies piled high on the coffee table in his living room, along with a bowl of popcorn, soda, a selection of candy, and Bakugou with a shit eating Jack-o-Lantern grin on face. 

“Are we…gonna watch all of these?”

‘Well duh. Why? You got something else to do?”

Shocked you were indeed, but the excitement was overflowing.

It was hard to pick which movie to watch first since he had such an extensive collection, but you both decided to kick things off with the classic “The Nightmare Before Christmas”. 

After that, “Carrie”, “IT”, “Annabelle”, even some of the “Saw” movies. 

Name it, and Bakugou had it. 

You sat on the sofa between his legs the entire time, bowl of popcorn in your lap, and you silently fed him pieces of the salty snack while he unwrapped and fed you bits of candy. 

It was the perfect way to spend Halloween and you wished you could have gone at it all night, but after the 7th film, you had promptly knocked out against Bakugou’s chest, popcorn bowl empty. But instead of waking you up, he merely shut off the T.V and covered both your bodies with a blanket, kissing your forehead.

“Happy Halloween…idiot.”

Bakugou's Favorite Candies: Pop Rocks (cuz little explosions), Starbursts, Blow Pops, Atomic Fireballs, Sour Patch Kids, and WarHeads (he likes to challenge himself with the sour stuff).

Shoto Todoroki:

Ohhh Shoto…our dear little Shoto…

It doesn’t come as a surprise to you when he comes up to you after school and asks you why the school’s halls and classrooms are decorated with pumpkins and little paper ghosts and black and orange streamers. Why some people are already exchanging candy and telling scary stories at lunch.

You simply smile and say, “It’s Halloween!”

“Oh…”

It’s not that he didn’t know what Hallowen was, he explained to you. He just wasn’t accustomed to it or aware of what occurred during the holiday itself. And with how he grew up, it made sense. So you decided it was time to change that. 

You told him to meet you at your apartment at 5, not giving him any more details than that, and when he arrived, you took him by the hand and led him towards one of the best places you could possibly think of to give him a proper introduction to the spookiest night of the year. 

The Pumpkin Patch. 

Upon arriving, Shoto seemed absolutely awestruck at all the different things there were to do. You hadn’t been at the Pumpkin Patch awhile yourself so it was a super nostalgic feeling, almost like it was your first time there. So you made sure to make the most of it. 

The corn maze, hayride, petting zoo (to which you found out that Shoto is a major softie for animals), and of course, pumpkin carving. There was a section of tables laid out for guests to sit at along with a collection of different tools to use, so you helped him pick a pumpkin and gave him his first carving lesson. 

It was so cute watching his expressions. How his brow would furrow when he tried removing the guts and how his tongue would poke out when he began working on the face. You almost forgot you had your own pumpkin to carve. 

You both finished in a reasonable time and left in the later evening, hand in hand as the stars twinkled above you. 

“So what did you think? Did you have fun?”

You were expecting a nod, or a quick little hum. 

But he straight whisked you off your feet and into his arms, and the smile on his face was allllll the confirmation you needed. 

Shoto's Favorite Candies: Junior Mints, Twizzlers, Hot Tamales, Sno Caps (perfect right?), Raisinets, and Peppermints (literally Shoto if he were a candy) 

Eijirou Kirishima:

It’s obvious to anyone that sharkie boy looooves Halloween. 

He’s claimed to you on several occasions that it’s his favorite holiday and that getting the chance to spend it with you only makes it better. 

And how does Eijirou spend Halloween? Two words.

Haunted Houses. 

“There’s a spot in my neighborhood where people set up all different kinds!” he tells you, “And they take up the whollllllle block. It’s a blast!”

And thus the date was a foot. Because you loved haunted houses too. (A/N: Sorry if you don’t! This was just the first thing that came to mind >.<)

He picked you up that night and away you went, ready to get your scare-factor on. 

Now, as much as you loved haunted houses, you weren’t going to lie. They could get a little freaky sometimes.

But leave it to Eijirou to fix that problem right up. 

“If you get scared babe, just let me know!” he pointed to himself with a grin, “Afterall, I wouldn’t be much of a man if I can’t protect the person I care about most!”

And you weren’t about to say no to the invitation. 

You stuck to him like glue, laughing and screaming through every house you went through, even going through them more than once because of how much fun you were both having. 

It was well into the night before you both decided to call it, your throats raw and blood pumping from the adrenaline. But even in your stupor, Eijrou still managed to take your breath away once he brought you back to your apartment, his arms circled around you in a goodbye hug.

“And just think,” he whispered brightly, kissing your cheek, “When we get married and start living together, we can set up our own haunted house!”

You bury your burning face in his neck. 

“E-Eiji!”

Eijirou's Favorite Candies: Rock Candy (duh), Jawbreakers, Crunch Bar, Red Vines (ofc he'd like a candy with part of his hero name in it), Rocky Road Bar, and Everlasting Gobstoppers.

Denki Kaminari:

As far as Denki is concerned, you can’t celebrate Halloween without a good time. And to him, the best way to do that is with a party!

His family throws one every year apparently and he’ll want to invite everyone he knows over to his place for the event, and that includes his ray sunshine. 

Hint, hint. That’s you. 

“You’ll come right? You have to! Please, Y/N, please!”

He’s so adorably persistent, eyes all puppy dog wide and hands folded. Your answer is obvious, and it had his sending sparks of happiness throughout the cafeteria where you both currently resided.. 

“D-Denki! Calm down or else you’ll-”

“EHEHEHEHEHEH!!!!!”

Jirou’s laughs echoed in the background and you stifled a groan as you began your trek to the nurses office with your short-circuited boyfriend dangling against your shoulder. 

Halloween rolled by over the course of a few days, and upon arriving at Denki's residence, you were completely in awe of the change of scenery. 

What was once a normal looking house was now an area that practically screamed ‘Halloween’.

Costumes, decorations, snacks, bowels filled with candy, games, music, even a wooden barrel for bobbing for apples! 

The Kaminari family sure took things to the extreme, but nonetheless, it was still loads of fun. 

All of your classmates showed up, as well as a few other members of Kaminari’s family from different cities. 

So of COURSE, he had to introduce you to everyone. 

“This is Y/N,” he would say proudly, “The cutest, most amazing, most wonderful, most beautiful, most talented most-mmph!”

You loved him. You really did. But that didn't stop you from making a mental note for something you never thought you’d need for future reference. 

Not only are candy apples delicious, but they work wonders for shutting people up. 

Denki's Favorite Candies: Dum Dums (if you know you know), Whatchamacallit, Airheads (again, if you know, you know), Goobers, Laffy Taffy, and Snickers.

#mha #mha x reader #mha x you #mha fluff #happy halloweeeeeeen #happy halloween #izuku midoria x reader #bakugou katuski x reader #shoto todoroki x reader #kirishima x reader #kaminari x reader #reader insert #headcannons #mha headcanons #halloween date #mha boys

[eldritch-spouse]

How would the boys react to a random blowie? Like Morell is cooking and I just get on my knees and get to work Grimbly is being a brat and I just jump him Patches is working and I got bored Breg I'd just well he's probably asking for one lol Santi will obviously be happy oh look a snack! Nebul will probably be happy as well the other boys may get worried since it's harder to give a slime a blowjob and I'm sure Fank-e would enjoy it I'm sure Krulu would appreciate the worship ☺️ how would they all react?

Random blowjob reaction

Breg is pumped. Did he do something right? What did he do? He usually has to bother you a little for this type of thing. He knows exactly what you're going to do when you get on your knees in front of him, and he's already rubbing at his slit to get himself out as soon as possible. Thank you thank you thank you!! Can he eat you out/suck you off too? You're not leaving so soon.

Fasma freezes. T-The fuck?! Right here? What are you, fuckin' nuts? Don't listen to him, he's already getting hard. In fact, this is funny because you could probably just pick him up and lick over his crotch until his cock forms. Fasma will whine and sputter but he'll never make a real attempt to stop you, because a free blowie is a treat for a miserable drunkard like him.

Morell can't thank you enough, his job is so stressful sometimes, it's really nice having your soft lips locked around his cock for a bit. Perhaps when he's not chopping stuff, he learned his lesson after getting a finger cut clean off in the wake of his orgasm. Thank fuck mushroom monsters regenerate fast. You're going to get very tender head pats and cooing afterwards. Piglet, ya really know how to make someone happy, don'tcha?

Gallon is also another one who appreciates the stress relief. Your best work is under the counter, really. And don't worry about his body being slimy, you'll know for sure when his cock is aimed at you. Small tendrils keep your head in place, moving you at the rhythm he prefers and exerting complete but gentle control. No one can tell he's getting blown because his poker face is perfect.

Vinnel... Well, you can't really blow him out of nowhere, but you can nuzzle, kiss and lick at the crotch of his suit. You're not allowed to do this while he's on stage, but you may any other time, if you can pull him down from his floating stance. Vinnel will definitely mock you some, though ultimately just allows himself to enjoy it and rewards you for the enthusiasm later. Oh poppet, you could have just said you wanted some quality time!

Santi is swooning. Oh, you're such a caring lover, making sure he's always well fed! What did he do to deserve you. To him, this is kind of like a lunch break, which other staff members give him shit about because they would like to eat in peace without having to hear you gluck and glack around the demon's girth. Technically, he's eating, so he can do it in the break floor and not get shit from Krulu.

Grimbly will stop working immediately. People waiting for their orders? Fuck that, his mommy/daddy is busy right now. He's going to whimper and mewl for more like the loud little whore he is. This is the type of spoiling he lives for! He has no self-control regarding this, so I recommend you pick the times right, or else there will be customer complaints.

Patches would figure you'd find another method of telling him you're bored, but this is certainly one of the nicest ways. You'll get a lot of stuttering and moaning, he'll probably hide his face in his hat. You'll also get bored again pretty soon because he cums fast, unless unable to, via toys. Y-You're very nice to him...

Nebul is adamant that you ask for permission like a good pet beforehand, but the surprise is still extremely pleasant and he will praise you for being affectionate to your master. This is another monster with a very good poker face and voice, so no one will know you're busy servicing him dutifully.

Fank-e is always happy to have you touch him. Anywhere anytime! In fact, even if he's busy, he can just remove his cock and hand it to you. Keep it! It'll be fun! That way you can surprise him from afar! Unfortunately, he glitches out and moans often, so everyone knows you're giving him the sloppiest toppy somewhere. People have to tell him to sit the fuck down and go be pervy somewhere else.

Ludwig would probably startle if you did that when he's about to fall asleep or just lounging on a chair like a lazy fat cat. Fuuuuck yeah, all yours babe! He's treating you to dinner, you're the best. He loves getting woken up like this, it's a treat.

Krulu is another one that won't allow you to touch him like that without explicitly stating you wish to worship him. But chances are he'll eagerly accept more often than not. Yes, you're such a devoted vessel, giving your higher so much pleasure. Every single day, you validate his choice on a lesser.

#general tce #Krulu oc #Bregory #Fasma oc #Patches oc #Santi oc #Grimbly oc #Nebul oc #Vinnel oc #Gallon oc #Fank-e oc #Ludwig oc

[jarofstyles]

another level up / nerdy harry blurb? im inlove with him 🥺

Sure thing my lovely!

Check out our Patreon!

—

“Your glasses are crooked.” She muttered, reaching out to fix his frames. “Did you trip on your way here?”

He had arrived a bit breathless in the courtyard, backpack thrown down on the picnic table and their tray of drinks placed in front of her. “Yeah. The pavement is so uneven… lawsuit waiting to happen, but that isn’t my problem.” He flushed slightly at the knowledge she had noticed such a thing. There was luckily not many people around when he stumbled but he managed to keep from flailing on the ground.

“Well, as long as you’re okay, Bambi.” She always teased him about his long, clumsy legs and his body that was willowy and pretty. His legs had a mind of their own sometimes and he knew that, but the soft nickname often said in jest did make him feel a bit warm. “I stole your flannel from your car, by the way.”

That, he had noticed. The red worked well with her cropped top and jeans, a staple of him marking her that soothed that part inside of him that had always loved when people found out she was taken. He felt so… happy. Proud. Loved showing her off. “It looks better on you anyways. Keep it.” He took the bag with their treats and handed it to her. “I got the lemon cake and some cake pop things. I wasn’t sure which you wanted today.”

Being the thoughtful baby he truly was, Y/N cooed at his gesture. Leaning in, she grabbed his chin with her hand and planted an obnoxious kiss to his lips. Loudly pecking them with a ‘mwuah’ that had him blinking fast as she pulled away. His shyness was still something she found to be utterly fucking adorable, but he could handle this. “You are the best boyfriend in the world. I hope you know that.” She sighed, lifting his arm and placing it around her shoulders. Pinching off a piece of lemon cake, she carefully guided it to his mouth and fed it to him.

“Mm. That’s pretty good.” After swallowing thickly he took a sip of his iced tea with his free hand, fiddling with her hair with the other. “How did you do on your test?” He was still a bit timid with PDA but trying to get more comfortable with it. Especially when he saw how she melted into him and preened when he would kiss her cheek or hold her hand, pull her closer or whisper to her. Once she had explained it made her feel like he was proud to be with her? He had made massive steps to make sure she knew.

“Ugh. It was fine, but you know how Mrs.Daniels is.” Her eyes rolled and she took a hasty bite of a cake pop herself, huffing through her nose. “Why say open notes if the notes aren’t going to help shit? And I used my sexy, top of class boyfriend’s note tips and everything.” A flair for the dramatics, she definitely had.

“Really? It didn’t have anything to didn’t the notes?”

“Nope.” She popped the ‘p’, handing the other half of the pop to Harry to bite off. “All shit that we had barely covered. Swear the old hag is delighted to watch us flounder like that. But she’s luckily the only bad one this year.” Y/N loved educators but some of them were obviously in it for the wrong reasons. “I want to not talk about school though. What I want to do is eat our cake pops and have our drinks, and then I want to go listen to the Arctic Monkey’s in your big car and make out in the backseat. And I want you to put your hands inside my jeans.”

Harry’s brows raised, still amazed at her audacity to just say those types of things. Of course he wanted to do the same- he would never turn out an opportunity for kisses, especially in the car. But it was very… specific.

“Can I ask… should I ask why it’s so detailed?” He blinked a few times, looking at her in curiosity.

“Always dreamed about doing it. Redownloaded tumblr last night and thought about my youth in there. It’s why I chose the ripped jeans. I listened to their album last night and then Daddy Issues… thought it would be ironic and hot to make out to.” She shrugged it as if it was a normal thing. “We have 3 more cake pops to eat. Eat the chocolate one last, I want to taste it on you.”

Harry wasn’t going to complain about that.

“We have to take off your glasses though this time. As hot as they are, you can’t take them off and we roll over them again. Okay?”

#writing #jarofstyles #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles one shot #harry styles smut #harry writing #harry styles imagine #harry drabble #blurb #nerdy!h #nerdy h #nerdrry #nerdy concept #blurbs #harry blurb #smut blurbs #harry smut blurb #one direction blurb #one direction smut #one direction imagine

[demonicintegrity]

So I have watched ep 4 of Harry and Meghan last night. (I know I’m late, life is like that lmao)

What strikes me again is first is the formula of the first episode of each volume being almost split. The first is half is quite happy and then something goes wrong.

(I also didn’t pay attention to the wedding as it was happen so this was kinda my first actual look at it. Very pretty! I’m glad the wedding remains a very happy memory for them. As does Meghan being able to talk to the late queen casually and see a good grandmother figure in her)

The next is thing is Meghan echos a sentiment I also have, that who would take a tabloid seriously? Perhaps it’s a British thing, because among my American friends is that kitschy tabloids aren’t good for anything serious. They’re there for when you’re waiting at the salon and you’re bored. Or you skim the headlines when you’re checking out at the grocery store. But then again, as soon as youre invested in celebrity drama the source doesn’t matter too much. And this isn’t to say Americans don’t read tabloids, I think a majority of us just get that sorta thing online and see it as a separate entity. Physical tabloids aren’t as popular here as the documentary says they are in Britain.

From there is the birth of Archie. I never realized they (and by they its seems mostly Meghan) were called selfish for not wanting a photo op so sooner after labor. I can’t believe they wanted her to give up the doctor she had built a relationship with to have that photo op.

And here’s where they say something interesting. When trying to find a compromise of the birth plan for the media(!?) no one stops them, but also implies that the tabloids will be fine with it. And then they weren’t. And of course Meghan is one to take the fall for it because -checks notes- she didn’t want to compromise her doctor??? Have two days with her newborn son and not have to be The Duchess for two seconds?? Labor is exhausting and it takes weeks to recover. But of course, this family is expected to preform at every single moment.

Fucking insane. It’s not even racist bullshit you’re not surprised by anymore. It’s straight up entitlement to other people’s lives. And on one hand that shouldn’t surprise me because American media and masses are about the same, but on the other hand holy shit.

(I keep going about this episode for a w h i l e hence the read more)

Harry makes a really good point, it’s not “do you condone this or not” it’s “what have you done to try and stop it?” Because I didn’t see nor recall a single statement to the press asking them to chill out. Clarifying that Meghan and Harry are actually loved and valued members or disputing rumors and lies. Obviously they can’t do every one but it seems like they haven’t tried to do one.

This is an institution that knows it can keep benefiting from it if it shut ups. Let’s it run it’s course. This is a family that are willing to be bystanders because that’s how they were raised to be. Lil mascots to parade around for the people’s morale and entertainment. And this is why Harry’s the bad guy, he’s a lil too open about not liking that.

Someone in the younger generation of a dysfunctional family is almost always the one that’s fed up. That’s fed up life isn’t fair, that’s fed up their family isn’t in their corner, and that’s fed up no one does anything. And this turns them into the problem child. Everyone thinks Harry’s so mad because he’s whipped for his wife, when in reality this is just the snapping point.

It is so isolating when your family doesn’t stick up for you, especially against bullies and harassment. I cannot imagine how much worse it feels when it’s an entire institution and staff as well.

As much sympathy I and others have for the royal family for having to deal with a media spotlight from birth, it runs out when they repeatedly choose “keeping the peace” or other ways of not stirring the pot instead of their family. Everyone knows they were unfairly treated, and yet they chose to watch instead of doing anything. No wonder Harry seems so resentful of his family.

I truly believe if just two or three members said something. Not even consistently, but every now and again, slowly the media would ease up. The climate would change. They have power and influence but seem never up to doing the work to do something that just ever so slightly goes against the traditional flow of things. Which tells Harry he was never worth even the bare minimum of a defense. And y’all wonder why he’s so bitter about it.

(I think I’ve mentioned it before but it’s worth repeating, we are witnessing a fallout of a dysfunctional family. At the core I think that’s all this will ever be. It just gets more complicated because of royal politics. But at the end of the day its family drama.)

Meghan never wins with the media. Whether it’s day to day things or a kind gesture from her friends. She never wins. It was pointed out time and time again how her and Kate could be doing the same thing but she was always the bad guy in it.

And then there’s the Australia tour. And here’s what I didn’t know, that they became more popular than the rest of the family. And that’s why they painted her as a diva. Like I said, she never wins even when the media seems to be in her favor for two seconds.

(My grandmother shrugs that off, saying it would be hard to not be a bit of diva with being handed servants and so much influence. Maybe there’s a nugget of truth there, but I have my doubts it’s to the extent of what the tabloids are saying. And of course, no one seems to care about if the others are divas.)

And then we get the documentary on the South Africa tour. Now this I remember reading tweets and tweeting about. It is awful suffering through depression, especially if you’re not used to it. It’s even worse when no one seems to care. The only one who cares enough to ask is a reporter who is at least in part motivated by pulling an interesting dialogue, even if entirely well-meaning.

The conversation I became apart of on Twitter was in response to criticism towards the two, mostly Harry, for not providing for her or getting her help. Back then I said, how do you expect him to navigate this? Get mental health help is an obstacle, especially more so when 1) youre really busy and 2) youre in a royal bubble so what do you know about these things? Lord knows if he was ever shown any good coping skills outside of “deal with the camera.” I don’t blame him for having a hard time helping her, it’s a hard thing to help with. I hope she’s feeling better.

Now of course this episode clarified that Meghan wasn’t allowed to get help. And it makes sense, there’s still a stigma in getting therapy and help among everyone. Of course if the press knew they’d have a field day with it. Still, she should’ve gotten help. Even if it was someone in that family other than Harry checking in on her, or offering her advice on how they dealt with the pressure. But that doesn’t seem to have happened.

Suck it up buttercup ain’t exactly a helpful mantra when dealing with thoughts of suicide. I can attest to that.

And that’s why Meghan and Harry will never not have a following. Most people can relate to at least some aspect of what they’re going through. A lot of people deal with racism, or deal with depression, or deal with shitty shitty families who turn their backs on them. They will always seem like a real person vs the rest of the family which seems so detached. That’s why they’re the people’s. That’s why people believe them, they have and always will be much more genuine.

#I knew starting this one it’d get long #cuz there’s just so much to be irritated at with the media #harry & meghan #Prince harry #Meghan markle #harry and meghan

[letarasstuff]

Ranting

(A/N): This was requested by an anon, I hope you like it :)

Summary: In the middle of midterms, Spencer's daughter has enough and for the first time in her life, she rants to the team

Warnings: one swear word, school, school stress, mental breakdown, shitty friends, a bit of angst (but there is fluff to balance that out), weird grammatical sentences that are according to google correct

Wordcount: 2.3k

✨Masterlist✨ _____________________________ As a teenager, Spencer was pretty closed off. But this had several reasons, like being a child (or moreover a teen prodigy) at college and getting his first Ph.D, or that he hadn’t had a safety net of people he could have gone to. So as he became a father himself, he tried everything possible to assure his own daughter that her feelings and thoughts are always welcome and valid.

Unfortunately (Y/N) herself has developed the same habit starting high school and ever since Spencer can’t do anything to get her to open up to him. It’s not like they don’t have a good relationship, they have one of the strongest father-daughter bonds the BAU has ever witnessed. The girl simply has other ways to cope with her feelings and how to act them out in the safety of her own four walls. Her father learned to accept it, knowing that he can’t and won’t force her to talk to him.

So what follows now not only shocked Spencer. But also his work family.

It’s the time every teen in high school dreads: Midterms.

A word a teacher can mutter and a shiver goes through the rows of students in the classroom. Or at least it feels like it to (Y/N). She takes her school work very seriously. In her mind every single grade determines her future.

The rational part in her knows that the grades in her sophomore year doesn’t matter. That they are even long forgotten when she graduates. There is just so much pressure on her. But it isn’t coming from her father.

Spencer is pretty laid-back regarding school. He knows his daughter is trying her best and that it’s just the tenth grade and not the end of the world. School is not everything life has to offer, especially he has to know it as a scholar and profiler flying through the country in a jet back and forth.

It’s (Y/N)’s classmates, who pressure her to get good grades.

“We depend on you and your notes”, Tyler exclaims as he jogs next to her through the busy hallway. “Ty, I know. But I don’t have the time to get them done for all of you to understand by tomorrow. They are still a mess that only I know to see through. I still have to finish my history project and I go to my Dad’s work this afternoon, which means I won’t get much done and I still have to do the homework I got today before sorting my notes for the test in two days.”

At her locker, the boy still doesn’t let go of the subject. “Do you want to say that our grades don’t matter as much as yours? Because this would be a true selfish statement.” Maybe it is the lack of sleep, because she pulled three all-nighters in two weeks, or the fact that she is slowly getting fed up being treated like an unpaid private teacher, but (Y/N) can’t stop her sassy answer. “Tyler, you wouldn't even know how to tell apart your ass from your head if it weren’t for me and my help in biology. You wouldn’t even know how to spell selfish if I didn’t let you copy my answers in spelling tests in elementary school.”

Done with the day and her friend’s shit, she slams the door of her locker shut and leaves a flabbergasted boy behind. Half an hour later the teenager enters the bullpen with her visitor badge clipped to the pocket of her sweater.

On the way there she was fuming. The audacity of her friends. It’s not only Tyler, who tried to get her notes of a unit, she was the only one listening, even though the teacher said loud and clear that this will be important for midterms. A few other friends out of the group she usually hangs out with texted her the same question of when her notes will be given to them. Understandably, (Y/N) comes into the office in the worst mood anyone from the team ever saw, including her own father.

“Hey Sweetheart”, he tries to greet her with a hug. Even though both of them are not big on touch, they are extra affectionate with people they are close to.

To everybody’s surprise, the girl takes a step back, effectively avoiding his open arms. “Hey”, she grumbles out before taking a seat in the chair already waiting for her. Nobody is allowed to sit in this one, except for her. Not even Derek has ever put his butt on this one, knowing the sacredness of it.

Without sparing anyone another glance, (Y/N) gets the needed stuff for that history project out and continues working on it. The team resorts to throwing a questiongly look to Spencer, who shrugs his shoulders with a look of despair. So everyone resumes their work without even daring to say a word.

The general silence is occasionally broken by an unnerved sigh leaving the teenager’s lips. “Is the conference room occupied?” She asks, her voice clearly showing how annoyed she is. Her father shakes his head. “No, not that I know of. Do you need help with your school work?” This is obviously the wrong thing to say. “Do I look like a baby? I don’t need anyone to help with that, I have been going to school for ten years now, I think I can handle this project as perfectly fine as I did since day one. It’s just your keyboard typing that will be the reason for my first grey hairs if I don’t get out of here soon.”

Quickly (Y/N) gathers her stuff and storms off into the conference room. Immediately the team crowds her father’s desk. “What happened?” “Who hurt her?” “Go, talk to her!”

“Guys, I don’t know what’s going on. I’m at the same loss as all of you. The only thing I know is that (Y/N) is under pressure, because it’s midterms. But judging by the way she reacted, I don’t want to go near her. It’s safer to try to defuse a bomb than talk to her in that mood. Last time I saw something similar, her favorite show was declared finished, got a revival and then didn’t get one and nobody mentioned it again. She was so mad, I think it took three years of her life.” A silence of uncertainty spreads through the room.

“What about we give her some room until she calms down?” JJ suggests, being unsure herself how to deal with a teenage girl. But the rest agrees and goes back to filling out their paperwork.

This continues for about 20 minutes, till a loud bang and a frustrated scream is heard followed by “DON’T THEY WANT TO GET IT OR ARE THEY JUST STUPID?!” Alerted by that, seven people (yes, even Dave and Aaron leave their offices, while Penelope was already in the bullpen) storm into the round table room only to see a more than outraged (Y/N).

“Sweetheart”, Spencer speaks to her in the gentlest voice they ever heard from him and slowly moves towards his daughter, “What’s going on?”

Her response is delayed by several deep breaths she has to take in order to be able to talk without seething. “ALL OF MY SO CALLED FRIENDS ARE ASKING ME FOR MY NOTES, like do I look like a personal tutor? And when I tell them that I got a life, a life outside of school and grades, because otherwise I go completely bananas, just like all of you say, they get mad. Now they act like I’m the most selfish person in the whole world. I’m so done, can’t they understand that they are old enough to take care of their own stuff? I’m not responsible for them, their grades or anything regarding their lives. Otherwise I would be the mother of at least four toddlers and one baby and at the age of sixteen I’m not ready for that kind of responsibility. I know friends are there for eachother, and I really don’t mind helping them from time to time. But what they are doing is terror. Terror.

“Oh and don’t get me started on their tormention if I get something lower than an A-. Then they suddenly transform into geniuses, like they suddenly know everything possible. Of course, I’m the dumb one. I should have studied more.

“I am under an insane amount of pressure, because I know they rely on me, but enough is enough. I tell them that if anyone asks me for anything school related again and they act like I owe them an answer, I’ll cut off all ties to all of them. What am I, a roboter just there for their needs, without some of my own?”

After her long rant, (Y/N) takes a couple more breaths. It’s pretty much the only sound right now, because the team is stunned. None of them heard her talking, no ranting, like that. Not even her Spencer has seen her like that.

Realizing what she just said, the teenager fidgets nervously with her hands. “I’m, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to, you know, blow up like that. I, I really don’t know where this came from.” Nervously she scratches the back of her head. It really wasn’t her intention to let it out like that. Her plan was just to come home tonight and deal in the confinement of her own four walls with all of her feelings. It’s easier to be honest to yourself when you are alone than having an audience watching you losing it.

Suddenly (Y/N) finds herself engulfed in a massive bear hug. “Oh, my sweet sweet summerchild. You needed to rant to us and I’m so happy you did. Even though your uhm, friends, sound like big douchebags, we can help you sort something out”, Penelope tells her while keeping her arms around the teen.

“Just like lil mama said, we are here for you, Baby Reid. Don’t ever be afraid to tell us something, may it even be as small as you having stubbed your toe.” Morgan ruffles her hair and gives her a reassuring smile.

Just like them everybody shows her their support, be it encouraging words or affectionately gestures. Rossi invites her to a calm and quiet dinner at his mansion, cooking class included. Hotch assures her that she will get through this rough patch, with or without these fake people. JJ suggests (Y/N) comes over to her home and she can participate in a family game night at their home.

When it’s Emily’s turn, she makes sure to get her message loud and clear by looking the teen in the eyes (not as deep as it sounds, because some people make an intense stare really uncomfortable): “If those kids give you a hard time again, tell me. I’ll pay them a visit in classic protective godmother fashion, because nobody traits MY godchild like this. Just give me their names and I’ll handle the rest.” Obviously she doesn’t say this aloud in front of everyone, else Hotch will have her head, knowing she goes through with her threats. Instead she whispers it into the teen’s ear. Still, it makes (Y/N) smile, having such a strong support net.

Sensing the family’s need for time of their own to talk about the whole situation, the team leaves the room. Spencer gestures to her to take a seat after moving two chairs opposite each other. He wants her not to feel trapped.

“Do you still want to talk about it? It doesn’t have to be now, we can do it tonight, tomorrow, in a week or in a month. Just, please don’t shut me out. I know it’s difficult to be a teenager, especially in times like these. But it won’t do you any good keeping all of this for yourself. Today you took it out through anger. How will it look next time?

I don’t want to pressure you into talking. We don’t need to. We can find other coping mechanisms. We can try and reduce your stress. Anything. But we both know that this is not the right way.” While speaking, he takes his daughter’s hand, making her look up to him.

(Y/N) nods. Her eyes fill with tears. “I just can’t keep going like this.” She whispers, feeling all the stress, pressure and the intensity of the last few weeks crashing down on her. Quickly Spencer gathers her in his arms, letting her cry in his embrace.

After calming down, she looks up to her father with bloodshot eyes. “We can talk tonight. But I need you to do me a favor.” “Anything”, he assures her, stroking a hand along her back. “I, uhm, I need a new phone. I may or may not have thrown mine against the wall after getting a text from Tyler.”

Spencer looks at the crooked cell laying on the floor, the screen cracked. “I think we can get that sorted”, he tells her with a smile and gives her a kiss on the forehead.

The two of them leave the office earlier, having many things to talk about and many problems to solve. But with the help of her family (Y/N) gets through this, a time where people unfortunately only like her for her smarts and not being herself.

Taglist:

All works:

@dindjarinsspouse @big-galaxy-chaos @jswessie187 @kneelforloki

Criminal Minds:

@averyhotchner @mggsprettygirl @herecomesthewriterwitch @ash19871962 @ellyhotchner

#spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x teen!reader #spencer reid x daughter!reader #Emily Prentiss x teen!reader #Penelope Garcia x teen!reader #Derek Morgan x teen!reader #x teen!reader #x daughter!reader #reid!reader #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #reader insert

[theartofdreaming1]

Slightly paraphrased, but Peeta talking about that moment he developed his crush on Katniss is just too sweet 😊

As usual, my thoughts regarding this week’s prompts and random thoughts on chapters 22-24 are below the cut (sprinkled in some psychology thoughts again).

heart

Honestly, I think the people in Panem would perceive the whole everlark storyline the same way we perceive and react to our ships on tv (desperately wanting to reach through the screen, shoving the characters forcefully together, screaming “And now, kiss!”); especially the Capitolites who barely recognize the tributes (or people in the districts, in general) as people. The people in the districts would definitely view the whole thing more under a “reality tv” kind of lens, questioning how much of the relationship is real or not (we know that Finnick certainly thought that the entire thing was just a spiel, until Peeta hit that forcefield). The time spent in the cave must have been pretty convincing, though.

mind

I think that Katniss is still torn here - On the one hand, she kind of wants to believe that Peeta is actually into her (remember the happiness she felt when Peeta told her how his crush on her began, and it all added up and seemed so real), but on the other hand she’s terrified of that possibility because A) lingering trauma from her mom’s depression in response the Mr. Everdeen’s death, B) Katniss never even considered falling in love, so that’s a sudden unexpected thing to deal with, and C) maybe it’s just for the sake of the Games; and wouldn’t that hurt, getting your hopes up only to learn it was only for show? (How about we ask Peeta about that?)

soul

Yeah, that quote about Peeta only eating stale bread also struck me as quite sad. It just further adds to his understanding how there should be more to life than just survival, though. (One day, I’ll make that post about Peeta, Katniss, and Maslow’s pyramid of needs, I swear! I’ve already gathered some research material)

Chapter 22

My mother’s hand strokes my cheek and I don’t push it away as I would in wakefulness, never wanting her to know how much I crave that gentle touch. How much I miss her even though I still don’t trust her. - Ugh, I can’t... Katniss misses her mom, misses being cared for😢 I’m so glad we’re going to see her patch up her relationship with her mom in CF... On a different note, Katniss craving that gentle touch just perfectly illustrates why she’s so drawn to Peeta, who is generally such a gentle soul (I mean, he’s literally the person stroking her cheek here 😊)

He [Peeta] doesn’t seem angry about my tricking him, drugging him, and running off to the feast. Maybe I’m just too beat-up and I’ll hear about it later when I’m stronger. But for the moment, he’s all gentleness. - As I was saying... 😉

“I’ll go hunting soon,” I say. “Not too soon, all right?” he says. “You just let me take care of you for a while.” - I love them so much😊🥰 And then Peeta makes sure she’s well-fed and hydrated, he rubs her cold feet and tucks her into the sleeping back... and she let’s him! 💗

“He [Thresh] let you go because he didn’t want to owe you anything?” asks Peeta in disbelief. “Yes. I don’t expect you to understand it. You’ve always had enough. But if you’d lived in the Seam, I wouldn’t have to explain,” I say. “And don’t try. Obviously I’m too dim to get it,” he says. - Oof. This exchange here is interesting in many ways: 1) it highlights their different experiences, tied to their different socioeconomic backgrounds, basically, and 2)  that Katniss is very much aware of this difference, but we also see hints of her own ignorance here - because Peeta didn’t have to starve in his childhood, she thinks that he can’t possibly understand this level of hardship; but there are other ways in which one can suffer/lack fundamental needs, which brings us to 3) Peeta’s response about being “obviously too dim to get it”; I think this is a clue to his mom being also verbally abusive towards him: she called him “stupid creature” when he burnt those loaves of bread for Katniss and when he’s losing it in the attic of the Justice Building in D11 in CF he is mad that Katniss and Haymitch keep things from him “like [he’s] too inconsequential or stupid or weak to handle them”, which - to me - sounds like he’s tired of being treated that way (i.e. the way his mother treats him)

“I want to go home, Peeta,” I say plaintively, like a a small child. - God, this is a teenager in a murder-arena who feels like wanting to go home is a childish notion instead of a totally legitimate wish for anyone in that situation, regardless of age 😢

It’s not that Peeta’s soft exactly, and he’s proved he’s not a coward. But there are things you don’t question too much, I guess, when your home always smells like baking bread, whereas Gale questions everything. What would Peeta think of the irreverent banter that passes between us as we break the law each day? Would it shock him? The things we say about Panem? Gale’s tirades against the Capitol? - Geez, Katniss, give Peeta some credit here! A) It’s not like Peeta can walk around District 12 talking publicly about the injustices happening there - she and Peeta hadn’t even talked with each other before the reaping, whereas Gale is her best friend who rants to her while they are outside the confines of D12 and B) Peeta is literally the one who introduced the whole “not a piece in their Games”-idea to her; why would he be clutching his pearls over Katniss and Gale’s irreverent banter?! Just because Peeta didn’t live on the brink of starvation (she again brings up how his house smells like bread and - at this point - still thinks that the family running the bakery actually gets to eat what they produce just like that), doesn’t mean he doesn’t see how shitty life in D12 is - he can still want better conditions for those who are worse off than him!

“I did do the right thing,” I say. “No! Just don’t, Katniss!” His grip tightens, hurting my hand, and there’s real anger in his voice. “Don’t die for me. You won’t be doing me any favors. All right?” - Well, we’ll see this song and dance again in CF...

And while I was talking, the idea of actually losing Peeta hit me again and I realized how much I don’t want him to die. [...] And it’s not about what will happen back home. And it’s not just that I don’t want to be alone. It’s him. I do not want to lose the boy with the bread.” - I wish CF Katniss would remember this moment when she is questioning her motives about saving Peeta’s life in the arena - You. Care. For. This. Boy! You. Value. Him. For. Who. He. Is!!!

This is the first kiss that we’re both fully aware of. [...] This is the first kiss where I actually feel stirring inside my chest. Warm and curious. This is the first kiss that makes me want another. - Whoo! Is it hot in here or is it just me? 😉

I’m struck by his immediacy now. As we settle in, he pulls my head down to use his arm as a pillow; the other rests protectively over me even when he goes to sleep. No one has held me like this in such a long time. Since my father died and I stopped trusting my mother, no one else’s arms have made me feel this safe. - He makes her feel safe in a murder-arena!!! 😭 This is the kind of stuff that makes everlark just a top tier romance, tbh

Peeta telling Katniss about his crush starting on their first day of school 🥰😭 - and her reaction to it... For a moment, I’m almost foolishly happy - yes, because you have a crush on him, too! - and then confusion sweeps over me. Because we’re supposed to be making up this stuff [...] So, if those details are true... could it all be true? - YESSSSSSSS!!!

“You have a... remarkable memory, “ I say haltingly. - as a severely socially awkward person... I felt that lame response in my bones 😅

“You don’t have much competition anywhere.” And this time, it’s me who leans in. - God, this would be such an amazing moment if it didn’t get tainted by that immediate sponsor gift, which just serves to muddle Katniss’s feelings with her sense of survival, further complicating her relationship with Peeta... *sigh* 

Chapter 23

“What was that you were saying just before the food arrived? Something about me... no competition... best thing that ever happened to you...” “I don’t remember that last part,” I say, hoping it’s too dim in here for the cameras to pick up my blush. “Oh, that’s right. That’s what I was thinking,” he says. - Peeta is the master of being a cheeky little shit and adorable flirt at the same time

“So, since we were five, you never even noticed any other girls?” I ask him. “No, I noticed just about every girl, but none of them made a lasting impression but you,” he says. - I appreciate that while Peeta has had a crush on Katniss forever, he clearly didn’t spend the entire time pining after her, oblivious to the rest of the world - he has a life outside of Katniss Everdeen, but ultimately, it all lead back to her

A disturbing thought hits me. “But then, our only neighbor will be Haymitch!” “Ah, that’ll be nice,” says Peeta, tightening his arms around me. “You and me and Haymitch. Very cozy. Picnics, birthdays, long winter nights around the fire retelling old Hunger Games tales.” “I told you, he hates me!” I say, but I can’t help laughing at the image of Haymitch becoming my new pal. - Laugh all you want, this is going to end up being your future anyway 😄

He [Haymitch]’s at something of a disadvantage because most mentors have a partner, another victor to help them whereas Haymitch has to bready to go into action at any moment. Kind of like me when I was alone in the arena. I wonder how he’s holding up, with the drinking, the attention, and the stress of tring to keep us alive. - Katniss is already worrying about her “new pal”, I see ;)

Maybe he [Haymitch] wasn’t always a drunk. Maybe, in the beginning, he tried to help the tributes. But then it got unbearable. It must be hell to mentor two kids and then watch them die. - Honestly, that sounds absolutely awful...

Poor, Katniss, when she learns of Thresh’s death :( - But no one will understand my sorrow at Thresh’s murder. - It’s horrible how compassion and basic human decency gets construed as ‘weakness’ in the world of Hunger Games (esp. the Capitol)

Then I escape into sleep, comforted by a full belly and the steady warmth of Peeta beside me. - Honestly, I think a word analysis of THG-series could be interesting; how often does Katniss mention “warmth”, “steady/steadiness” “safe/safety/security” in connection with “Peeta”?

“We make a goat cheese and apple tart at the bakery,” he says. “Bet that’s expensive,” I say. “Too expensive for my family to eat. Unless it’s gone very stale. Of course, practically everything we eat is stale,” says Peeta [...] Huh. I always assumed the shopkeepers live a soft life. And it’s true, Peeta has always had enough to eat. But there’s something kind of depressing about living your life on stale bread - Katniss is starting to realize that the lives of the merchants isn’t a cushy as she thought; also, in a way, we see a “prettier” version of how Panem treats the districts overall -> feeding the districts just enough that they can do their work (plus/minus a couple of people who’ll die of starvation, but at a small, for Capitolites insignificant margin), but not so much that they are in good shape to rebel; here, the merchants of D12 have just enough that they can live a “decent” life (they know it could be worse -> the Seam), but they don’t have enough to live a free, comfortable, self-determined life either. This also just further drives a wedge between the inhabitants of D12 (the merchants won’t want to rebel because they don’t want to get ‘demoted’ in their lifestyle, starving like the people from the Seam, and the Seam folk feel resentful towards the merchant people, while also not having the resources to rebel, due to their awful socioeconomic conditions)

What would be my life like on a daily basis? Most of it has been consumed with the acquisition of food. Take that away and I’m not really sure who I am, what my identity is. - It’s so sad who Katniss has been so consumed with ensuring that her most base needs are fulfilled that she barely has had the time to really figure out who she is and what she wants from life (If we’re talking Maslow’s pyramid of needs, Katniss would primarily be stuck on the lowest tier 😢)

At least, we’ll be friends, I think. Nothing will change the fact that we’ve saved each other’s lives in here. And beyond that, he will always be the boy with the bread. Good friends. - Honestly, Katniss counting on being good friends with Peeta after the Games is the highest honor she can bestow on him at that moment (she’s so into him, lol); of course, knowing that their relationship is going to be a bit rocky once they’ve come back makes this thought a little sad... but we also know they’ll make up (and out ;) in the future

Peeta licking his plate and blowing a kiss out to Effie is such an adorable goofball-moment 😊

I cover his mouth with my hand, but I’m laughing. “Stop! Cato could be right outside our cave.” He grabs my hand away. “What do I care? I’ve got you to protect me now,” says Peeta, pulling me to him. - This moment would be so cute (also, Peeta’s so confident in Katniss’s skills to protect him, which is adorable - toxic masculinity who?) but... Ugh, he’s just so giddy here, it kind of breaks my heart for when he learns later that (at least some) of Katniss’s reactions were just for show

“If we want food, we better head back up to my old hunting grounds,” I say. “Your call, Just tell me what you need me to do,” Peeta says. - Love how Peeta’s always ready to follow Katniss’s lead :)

Ideally, I’d dump Peeta now with some simple root-gathering chore and go hunt [...] “Katniss,” he says. “We need to split up. I know I’m chasing away the game.” [...] “Show me some plants to gather and that way we’ll both be useful.” - Teamwork! If it weren’t for Katniss worrying for Peeta’s safety, they’d be on the same page here

“What if you climbed up in a tree and acted as a lookout while I haunted?” I say, trying to make it sound like very important work. “What if you show me what’s edible around here and go get us some meat?” he says, mimicking my tone. - I really like how Peeta’s challenges Katniss here; he doesn’t just go along with everything she says, while still being quite reasonable

I feel like I’m eleven, again, tethered not to the safety of the fence but to Peeta, allowing myself twenty, maybe thirty yards of hunting space. [...] I allow myself to drift farther away, and soon have two rabbits and a fat squirrel to show for it. - I don’t know, but Katniss feeling tethered to Peeta makes me think of Mary Ainsworth’s attachment theory, according to which children with a secure attachment to their primary caregiver use  their “attachment figure as a safe base to explore the environment”... Of course, Ainsworth’s Strange Situation was conducted with young children, but attachment styles are supposed to influence the relationships we form with people in our later lives as well (including romantic relationships)... I dunno, just a random association that popped into my brain 😅

Chapter 24

Peeta’s a whiz with fires, coaxing a blaze out of the damp wood. - Heh, Peeta sure knows how to handle fire, huh, Katniss (or should I say: Girl on Fire?) 😏

I order him into the sleeping bag and set aside the rest of his food for him when he wakes. He drops off immediately. I pull the sleeping bag up to his chin and kiss his forehead, not for the audience, but for me. Because I’m so greateful that he’s still here, not dead by the stream as I’d thought.  - Aww, this is so sweet (and domestic)!

It’s funny. I feel almost as if it’s the first day of the Games again. That I’m in the same position. [...] But no, there’s the boy waiting beside me. I feel his arms wrap around me. - They are a team! Katniss doesn’t have to face the horrors of the Games alone anymore! It keeps boiling down to this.

#thgagain #thg #hunger games #katniss everdeen #peeta mellark #thg meta #my sketches and drawings #everlark

[stardustedknuckles]

All of Mako's dumbass decisions wrt Korra and Asami make perfect sense when you consider that he's the only one of the core four who has had experience taking responsibility for anyone outside of himself. Asami hadn't taken over Future Industries yet. Korra was a sheltered kid from the south pole who was struggling with the weight of legacy and of her role as someone with her power. Bolin may have become Mako's teammate, but the pro bending and Mako's job at the factory were still in pursuit of taking care of the both of them.

So he's made a team with Bolin and another person and they're getting by. He's kept his head down his whole life, became a surrogate parent to Bolin at a very young age, had to turn to trade types of safety to keep them alive. He never focused on emulating anyone else or filling someone else's shoes, and yet he was the only one of the four of them who knew what it was to be depended on.

And then he meets Asami, who has her shit together and doesn't need him, and for once he gets to be around someone who's nice and funny and seems to appreciate all the work he's done to get where he is. He was what, 17? Obviously that had to feel good. There's nothing inherently wrong with how happy he was for he and his brother to have the good life for a while because he wasn't ever using Asami. You can say a lot about the way he treated his two girlfriends but neither of them were status symbols to him. That's what frustrated me the most about his decisions, was that he truly cared for the both of them and had no skills in dealing with any closeness that wasn't his brother.

So you have his relationship with korra, who is the avatar but mostly she's his best friend and someone unused to being seen for who she is and not what she can offer. He didn't take advantage of that, he actively helped develop her sense of self. Korra and Mako tied up every time Korra thought she needed his input and neither of them could tell if she was asking as Korra or the Avatar. Mako was always there for Korra, and being tasked with Avatar level advice was far beyond what he could offer. But neither could he tell Korra to look out just for her, because up until recently he's not had a day in his life to do that either. They just didn't mix, and that was unfortunate circumstance. Not malice.

I don't like hardly any of the actions he took once he was in relationships with korra or Asami but outside of them he was a loyal friend and a staunch ally. It was the expectation that came with being a boyfriend (in his mind) that gave him a complex about how to behave. He was used to being needed in a way Korra was grappling with as the Avatar and in a way Asami had a handle on as the daughter of the head of Future Industries. His cousin had it exactly right. He was so afraid to disappoint anyone that he ended up disappointing everyone.

But he didn't end there? Fast forward three years and he's a bodyguard to someone with a very different kind of power. And this one - this one NEEDS Mako's practicality, but he's through asserting his thoughts. He's had a long time to think about how he treated the people he cared about, and also there's the whole "make nice with royalty" thing.

Except everything changes when he snaps and tells the prince to get a fucking grip. Mako's back with his actual understanding of what it is to give a shit about someone else and he's fed up with Wu's ignorance and this time, his insight is exactly what's needed. Mako has a gift for seeing through the role someone plays to who they are, and who the prince was sucked. But he was also the first person Mako came down on who legitimately needed to hear that perspective.

Mako was never a bad character, he was a parent in some ways on a track parallel to korra (figuring out an identity beyond "Bolin's guardian") and Asami (someone comfortable with being a leader and the responsibility that entails). The fact that what he had to offer became a flaw in those relationships had to do with the different matchup of experiences clashing as everyone looked for their places in the events around them. It was never ill intent. Fear of hurting Korra and Asami is exactly what ended up doing it. Trying to please everyone is a perfectly reasonable flaw - and one that again mirrors Korra. Just that his crashed and burned interpersonally whereas Korra hit a wall on a grander scale.

Mako grew up very quickly with a host of interpersonal tools far ahead of his age and absolutely no clue how or when to use them - especially since he kept focusing on not hurting anyone else. Any behavior can cause problems in high enough concentrations. That's something the show tackled over and over.

Mako's character was internally consistent with the backstory and worldview he was given. In a saga predicated on legacy and expectation, Mako had neither up until he met Korra and Asami. Expectation threatened to cripple him, and just like Tenzin or the Bei Fong sisters or anyone else who struggled with what they were meant to do and be, he had his own journey and flaws along the way - he struggled under expectations that came from nobody but himself, same as the rest.

You don't have to like his actions. I certainly don't for most of the show when it comes to Korra and Asami. But seeing where they come from, seeing how he behaved according to his own story, he's a remarkably well developed character. He just wasn't what was needed from the two people he tried hardest to connect with, and unfortunately one of them was the protagonist and the other her eventual girlfriend. If you take a step outside the rhetoric of how he sucked at being their boyfriend, it's easier to see what exactly went into that. He was good. Just not good for them at the time they tried being something together. And that's perfectly normal and okay.

#Lok #Legend of Korra #Mako #And he's great for Wu shipping or no #This is also a bit of a sideye to the crowd of fans who insist he was k&a's comphet and they aren't actually bi #Bc they didn't actually care about him or vice versa #You're wrong and if anything k&a would've been his comphet given how much easier his relationship with Wu developed #But I'm not getting into that because I don't have a dog in ship discourse fights #I'm sticking with canon here #Mako wasn't a demon he just wasn't the main character #We saw the way his actions affected the main character and reacted accordingly #I have no stake in this dude but pretending he wasn't important to k&a is ridiculous

[maschotch]

Ok maybe this is an unpopular opinion but I actually thought they did a good job of not making Haley the villain with the writing? Like even if we get most of the divorce from Hotch’s perspective it never vilifies her. End of the day, Hotch wasn’t there and she was fed up with it. Obviously he’s not happy about it, but he still loves her, and he never treats her like she’s a bad person for leaving him. You can see it especially in 5x01, he still has an immense level of respect for her.

This coming from a person who loves 100 tho I totally understand your point about how the writers should have left this plot point for the end of hotch’s character. I was heartbroken and he’s my fav but I was like dude I understand if you gotta leave the bau......but he didn’t? I’m glad he didn’t leave I love him but idk it wasn’t the best choice of writing. It feels like they finally did that with scratch, like he finally leaves for his son, so I’m glad at least he learned his lesson at the end of the day.

yeah im gonna go ahead and disagree w you on that one aksjdhgljk

every time we see haley, she’s a different character depending on what hotch needs in that moment. she's a villain when the writers need her to be. oh? we need a sweet, loving wife to show the contrast of his severe demeanor vs how he behaves at home? no problem! make her doting and happy to sit and wait for her husband to come home. sure hope he comes back safe! we need hotch’s personal life to go to shit? no problem! actually haley has a lot of issues with hotch being gone all the time and we’re gonna act like she’s had these problems the whole time! and we’ll make her cheat on him! we need hotch to suffer as much as possible with the foyet business? actually haley still loves with hotch and they were gonna get back together after this!

it doesn’t matter that her reasons for leaving are justified, bc that’s not why they did it. they have no problem pretending like all the issues that come from being gone all the time don’t matter… they do it with matt and kristy. they do it with jj and will. they even do it with hotch and jack! and it’s not like that’s any better… bc at that point they’re just props for them to come home to. but they don’t do it for the sake of haley’s independence. they do it so that hotch can have a little more Angst™ in the background. 

now i have my own interpretation of haley and why she does this or that, etc. she has completely valid reasons for getting a divorce and honestly im glad they did it. if you squint hard enough she’s actually a strong, protective character. but i’m well aware that the writers didn’t bother to put that much thought into it. they didn’t care ab her writing her story other than how it would affect hotch. any enjoyment i glean from it is purely incidental 

idk. i had my own phase of "actually she IS written well u guys r just dumb" (which is NOT what im saying ur saying its what im saying I used to say). but. idk. i gained a little perspective. i realized that these characters don't exist in a vacuum and that the very real creators of these stories don't have respect for women. and thats gonna be evident in their work. whether intentional or not. whether we see it or not. its still in there

in the end it’s all up to personal opinion ig. if you enjoy how she’s written and the episodes w her, i’m not stoppin you or even trying to ruin it for you askjdhlgf i just happen to disagree w you

#id even argue that your opinion isnt unpopular #i've heard so many different takes on haley and one doesnt really seem to be more prevalent than the other #and i disagree w a majority of them askjdhlkgajs bc im obnoxious #but as someone who enjoys media from godawful writers (star wars) im very very used to being very very critical #like.. i still like 100. it still makes me sad. her final speech makes me teary. #but i have issues with it #like.. one of the reasons lauren worked so well was because it completely made sense with the characters involved #but w 100..... like. i dont know for a fact or anything #but i know for a fact they came up with an idea they thought was cool and worth smidging the characters a little so it could work out #which is just... not how i want MY favorite characters to be treated yk? #asks #cm crit #sorry for not even fucking talking ab the entire second paragraph of ur ask aksjdhlsjhdkf #yeah they kinda just got fucked on that one. they wanted to do something big for 100 but they didnt want the character to leave #which isnt great writing lmao but i get why they did it

[firelxdykatara]

Let me start by saying I've never watched Legend of Korra. like, the most I've watched was any bending scenes/fights and all the Zuko and Toph clips (admittedly, I didn't watch any of the Katara clips because..well..honestly I didn't want to see her be so meek). But I've always felt kinda...bad for liking Mako since the few posts I did read made it seem like both Korra and Asami were better off without him and I didn't want to accidentally fall into the category of sympathising with a man who didn't treat women right. Even when I watched what few clips he was in -Mako seemed a little serious but not anything bad- I thought it was just because I didn't see enough of him to see why he was so bad for Korra and Asami.

And then I read your post on Mako and how he had to do anything and everything to take care of Bolin and my heart kinda broke. I don't know if this is right, but it kinda feels like Mako is being treated a bit like Katara's being treated. Like, they both fit the sibling-turned-parental-figure roles and some of the fandom seems like they can't accept that both are still teenagers who...well, still act like teenagers. seriously, I'm gonna be mad if I ever see another 'take' about how Katara is bad for acting more teenager than mother 😤. And the parallels between the non-con kisses that their respective Avatars gave them, with both Mako and Katara shouldering the blame (though in Katara's case it's more of a "she's supposed to like it! She's the Avatar's girl uwu") . It just rubs me the wrong way how neither of them get any slack for acting less than amazing when they both spent years carrying their trauma and shielding their siblings from that same hurt.

Sorry if this is bothering you or if it doesn't make sense; I'm just kinda fed up of seeing people side with the Avatar no matter what the situation was, especially when Korra and Aang were actually in the wrong *coughnon-conkisscough*

You're not bothering me at all, don't worry!

Honestly all of this makes a ton of sense, someone who's never seen the show and only has fandom's word to go on could be excused for thinking Mako's a fuckboy who was intentionally leading the girls on rather than a kid who'd been raising his baby brother alone on the streets since he was eight years old and maybe not the best at navigating personal relationships and didn't know how to deal with the fact that he had feelings for two incredible girls at the same time. That shit's hard to deal with even when you have parents and had a happy and comfortable life and are just in high school trying to get through the day, but you throw that in the mix with 'became a parent at eight years old' and 'struggled to get enough to feed his brother, nevermind himself, while they lived on the streets' and then everything that happened during the series, and it's like, cut this kid some slack maybe????

Also the comparisons with the way the fandom treats Katara are also spot on. Obviously in Katara's case there's also an added element of racialized misogyny, because she's a dark-skinned girl and the only dark-skinned girl in the main cast, so that gets added to the fact that she was also the gaang's 'mom friend' and you get fans unironically calling her a 'bitch' for -checks notes- getting reasonably upset after being pushed to her limit and losing her cool--but in Mako's case, he actually fills the same niche in the krew that Katara did in the gaang, and he gets a lot of the same treatment, which I think winds up coming at him from the opposite side of the fence so to speak. Because he's a boy, he automatically gets the blame for anything that goes wrong with the love triangle--up to and including the avatar violating his boundaries and kissing him without his consent--because Korra and especially Asami are precious girls and could do no wrong.

And the thing is that it gets kinda complicated because Korra did also get a lot of racialized misogyny flung at her by the racist&misogynistic dudebros of the fanbase who hated that a brown girl was now the avatar, but that wound up overshadowing the very real and reasonable criticisms that can be made of her character and her behavior. Especially in Book 2, where she gets angry enough at Mako for -checks notes- doing his job and not wanting to jump to conclusions that she TRASHES HIS OFFICE!!!!! IN A FIT OF RAGE!!!!!! (which of course Mako gets blamed for and a lot of fans will frame that as Korra getting 'reasonably upset' which lol no)--and the fact that this occurs in the same season as Bolin getting trapped in an explicitly toxic and abusive relationship with a Water Tribe girl (who happens to be Korra's cousin) that is played for laughs the entire fucking time makes me think that Bryke just have very troubling ideas about how it's ok for women to treat their significant others, particularly if they happen to be men.

(Although let it not be said that they didn't write toxic relationships from the other side, Varrick spends the entire series mistreating Zhu Li and then at the end he decides he's in love with her and they get married [in a very Western ceremony, incidentally], and nothing is ever mentioned of the awful way he treated her for the entire show.)

So yeah like, it really, really bothers me that Katara and Mako share similar niches in their respective teams and both of them get a whole lot of untoward hatred for -checks notes- being teenagers and having feelings and sometimes expressing them. They both deserve so much better from their respective fanbases, and I think the biggest reason Katara has a bigger and more devoted defense squad is because atla is still pretty widely regarded as the best installment of the franchise and a lot of people just don't care to even watch lok. The bulk of the lok fanbase is anti Mako and it's hard to maintain any resilience as a fandom in the face of that lmao.

But I'm always happy to talk about how much I love him and if I can only turn the tide one anon at a time then that's ok.

#mako #atla #lok #lok fandom salt #lok critical #lok salt #salt for ts #Anonymous #asked

[anonbeadraws]

So I caved and with @spacespectres help made an avatarsona! With a big chunky statement to go with it!    (Trigger warnings for homophobia/transphobia, conversion therapy, death and parental abuse. Everyone gets just desserts though.)

‘I’m, actually not sure why I’m here. You can’t help me, my son is gone and the police arn't saying it but - I’m sorry, my ears are- It’s like- You know those alarms, the ones that are made to disperse kids at shopping centres, keep them from causing trouble- not that i think they work. you see more of them these days, scruffy and dirty, what their parents doing, i don’t-  Anyway, it’s like that noise, that high buzz. it’s meant to be that, as you get older, your brain tunes it out, adults aren’t meant to hear it anymore, just keep on shopping without hoodlums hanging about outside smoking and throwing shit at the elderly.   I don’t miss that, Ben’s smoking, i’ll say that. That’s awful to say, i bet you’re thinking, god how terrible, her child’s missing and she’s moaning about a few nicotine stains on the ceiling.

I know theres plenty that would call me a terrible mother anyway, i know the neighbours didn’t agree with my decision, the decision of a single mother, who struggled enough just to keep her child fed and watered and out of trouble, to then struggle to keep him from wearing my lipstick when i was out of the house-!   I have no problem with the gays. I want to say that, have that clear. I just know, what he was doing, that wasn’t my Ben, that wasn’t my son and, the Helping House was what he needed.   I’m his mum, i know what he needed, don’t care what his dad says. he wasn’t here, he wasn’t here to raise Ben, so he doesn’t-

The pamphlet was so nice, so professional and i checked it out online, all 5 stars, apart from the odd protester sticking his oar in, and it was- reassuring to know he’d be looked after, helped! Get what he needed. And he was fine when i left him there, with his old school backpack with all his bits in, the Helping staff there to welcome him. Reminded me a little of when he started primary school, he looked so small, all big eyes…  They promised it’d be a couple of weeks, maybe a month, and then he could come home, all better.

  I got to visit every weekend, which was nice! Sometimes brought him biscuits, can't beat home made, chatted a little. He still had that, that look from when i left, like he was little again, when i could tell he didn’t really want to leave me at the gates, he didn’t want to go in all alone, couldn’t we just go home instead mum?  But i was strong. For him. I resisted.

I think, it was when that look started to go, that little boy look, replaced with something, i don’t really want to think about even now, that i really noticed the other patients. One in particular. He looked different from the others. Props to the Helping House, they keep, kept the kids tidy. it was actually lovely, real treat to see Ben all combed and neat, not smelling like his trash dump of a room. And not a whiff of smoke! i’d honestly not have been surprised if he’d snuck in some ciggies in but if he had, they must have confiscated em quick.    No fags in the Helping House! I mean-! oh you know, what i mean!

But this one,.. they all dressed in clothes from home, apparently they worked out its better for the process, this one was a mess. Half shaved hair, no knees in the jeans and honestly, sunglasses indoors? who did He think he was!? Mick Jagger?  He just slouched in the corner of the visiting room, looking out into the gardens, like he belonged there in that clean good place.  They were nice gardens, well looked after, like the kids. I remember it was coming up summer, lots of lovely flowers. lots of happy bees.

Anyway, i did Not like how Ben looked over at, him, while we had our cups of tea. it was this, gooey soft look i’d never seen on him. later i remembered it. it was how his dad looked when we started courting. That cloying honey sweet love that turned sickly and choking far too quick. God, that look, on my boys face? You bet I had words with the staff before i went. I did not bring my boy here to get help and it be ruined by some hooligan with warped intentions. I made sure they understood. They didn't seem to know what i meant by the Sunglasses kid but it’s a big facility, probably get a lot of patients. Their success rate was incredible really, always seemed to be spaces open. Whatever they did, didn’t do a lot though. Cause i kept seeing him, every time i visited. And he drew a crowd.       At first it was the ones who didn’t have family to come, poor dears. They’d be sat, close as they could to him. They had rules about touching in the Helping House, and rightly so, helps with, the temptation, but they’d sit there, close as they could to him, just listening, sun on their faces from the big glass window.  Now that i’m thinking about it, I don’t think i remember ‘em blinking?    Anyway, Could never hear what was said, what venom that creeper was pouring into their ears, whenever i tried to hear him over the other visitors, it just came over as a low buzz. Well, whatever it was, those kids were hooked.  I didn't like it. And the next weekend, there more of ‘em! You’d have kids that’d be crying one week that their family hadn't come, who didn't give two shits the next, pardon my french. They’d be sat in the corner, happy sappy faces, listening to whatever nonsense that kid was murmuring to his little flock. They didn’t touch, not then, but it was a close thing, i remember being so shocked that nothing was being done about it. It was obviously a problem. that weirdo was the problem.

But my boy didn’t stray. He might’ve looked over at that hive of idiots who worked against what these good people were trying to do for them, with that… look. But he stayed and drank his tea with me like he should. He looked tired, but i knew that’s cause he was working hard, getting better.  i got the reports.

But the last couple of visits, i come in and it’s just my boy in the visitors room.   The rest were outside in the garden, in the flowers. All those kids, twenty or so of em, tangled in each other, touching and so close. I don’t think they were, Doing things but, it was against regulation for sure,  and I stood up, to go do something, anything, even just yell at them to stop it, ask what they thought they were doing!? That’s when the Buzzing started. For a second i thought it was just a bee come in from the garden, poor little bumble trapped indoors but it was in my ears, in my head. It was nothing i’d ever felt before and I’ve had Tinitus and that’s a nasty bugger but it was more than that.

Been to the doctors since. Apparently they can’t work it out, whats causing it. All they can say was it wasn’t Tinitus.

I think it was, Sunglasses looking at me. I remember when i got up, to tell ‘em off, i remember light in the corner of my eye, like a reflection off glass. I think he turned, he knew i was going to stop em and he-

Last sunday was the last time, the last visit. Had a big tin of biscuits, gingerbread, Ben’s favourite, had some nice news about his cousin getting into uni, first in the family! Always had hopes Ben would be the second, but-  Ben wasn’t waiting for me. He was outside. With Them.

Him.

There he was, holding the hand of that freak and the staff were just stood round like numpty’s doing nothing! Dumb faces and vacant as their patients were outside rolling about in the sun like it was the 60’s! And smoking! I thought, they must’ve found a stash cause i could see the smoke, swirling dark against the sky, dark against their smiling, stupid faces.

I was furious. i was, so angry.

I think thats why i did it. I was so angry that i couldn’t think of anything else to do but grab that sunglasses wearing freak who was corrupting my boy, who was holding his hand and steering him wrong and undoing all my work and love, and shake my anger out of him. I was yelling all that, yelling at him. I remember he was light, not as heavy as he should be, not for a kid his age and that he didn’t flinch. And he spoke to me, in that low drone that I thought had been just distance and space distorting his voice, but was just him, god it was just him.

I cant remember exactly what he said, something about love, real love, some hippy nonsense. No, i remember one thing. The little shit asked if i thought i was ‘my child’s real Family.” ‘Of course, i said, ‘i’m his mother’ Then he smiled, like i was wrong and i hated him. And I could see myself, in that dark reflection, in those stupid shades and i couldn’t stand it.   I wish i hadn’t, done what i did. i just didn’t want to see myself in that black mirror anymore, all twisted and hateful.   Turns out it was far nicer than what was behind them.

I let go, dropped it, that thing in ripped jeans and stripes and it fell into the flowers. There were so many happy bees. Thats when i heard the other kids. They had it’s voice, shared it’s voice, that drone. That buzz. i didn’t dare look at them. My ears, started up again, like before but, that sound, their sound, it made it louder and i honestly thought my head might explode and I turn to Ben, my boy, who had dropped to his knees in front of that thing, holding it’s hand and for a second, I thought he was smoking again, dark wisps coming from his downturned face and, I just, my fear turned to anger, for just a second, that he would do that here and now.

But I begged him to come away, to leave it alone, to get better, to just be my little boy again, to come home with mummy. Then he looked up, my Ben, and his face-   it wasn’t smoke, it had never been smoke. it was the same as whatever had been bumbling around in the creature that still lay in the flowers but Ben smiled all the same. I, feel crazy, crazy saying it but- as the bees poured out of my little boy’s smiling mouth in that choking swarm, their buzzing droning out his words, my boys last-

My name is Sarah

i’d never seen him happier.

Apparently I fainted. Never fainted in my life, i’ll tell you, too tough for that sort of thing, but i must’ve. Police think it’s what saved me. I like to think otherwise.   Officially, what happened was that the patients turned on the staff, killed em and left. Simple, explainable. Some sicko’s like to use what happened as an argument against conversion therapy, old hippy dykes that don’t have enough to picket over, idiots.  They didn’t see the bodies, they didn’t see what those ‘helpless victims’ did- They dragged them outside after they killed em, into the sun, into the flowers. I remember waking up once, amongst all the dead. Happy bees, dipping their beaks into the blood of the doctors. Plenty of sugar in blood, I read.

Ben was all i had left, my only family. I don’t have no one left. You don’t get many visitor when the papers insist you made your kid a killer. Don’t even get phone calls from Dave anymore, but i call that blessing. He was barely Ben’s dad anyway. I’ve gotten used to the quiet. i go to work, i come home, watch a bit of telly. the buzz from the old tv only scares me a little. I know i did my best for him. i believe that, after everything. I wouldn’t be here though, if, there wasn’t, something else.

 I had a visitor the yesterday. Wasn’t expecting it, thought it was a missionary, Jehovah’s or something. Was ready to tell them to piss off, i tell you. It was a girl. Said she was my daughter. she looked like my Ben, same smile, same funny little knees he used to scrape up, ones i used to kiss better. It wasn’t Ben. My Ben had eyes. My daughters words buzzed, like there was something in her throat. Perhaps the same things that crawled where her eyes would be, round and yellow and bumbling, i thought, and my head starting hurting again. She only stayed at the door, didn’t come in. She said she just wanted to say hello.

She said she’ll visit again.

That she’ll bring her family.

i don’t think she means me anymore.’ The magnus archives belongs to Rusty Quill, the above belongs to me!

#anonbeadraws #the magnus archives #avatarsona #tma #tma avatar #fan avatar #tma fanwork #tma fanfic #fanfic #fanart #the corruption #the filth #the corruption tma #rusty quill streaming #long post #original writing #eye horror #body horror #insects #bees

[tinyboxxtink]

"Weird Secret Friends" *Chapter 11*

Chapter 10

Chapter 12

Tag List

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@wanniiieeee

@word-scribbless

@gibbs274

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@shittanyy

@mrsrafaelbarba

Alright this one is kinda short but I needed a cliffhanger, and I need to get to fifteen now. Also, I had to write the ending of this in the car and it's difficult so I ended it where I did. Plus I love watching y'all squirm. SUFFER.

----------------------

Rafael hadn’t texted you back since you told him you didn’t care whether he believed you or not, maybe he had gotten the hint and decided to leave you alone. Why didn’t that make you feel any better? You knew what you had told Sonny was true; you couldn’t be in any kind of relationship with anyone but alcohol. 

You’d never admit it to Sonny since he was so proud of you lately, but the monster inside you may be present more than you let on. It wasn’t big things that set you off sometimes, sometimes it was just one bad grade on a test, or being lonely. 

You knew you needed to reach out to someone, anyone other than Sonny. Get some friends of your own, people you could talk to. But you were too ashamed of your problems and your life to ever approach anyone. Even when students in your class would ask you to go out with them after school, you’d always decline in fear of what you might do while you were out. You could keep yourself from having more than one drink on your own, but the social pressure of being around other people drinking made you just want to keep going. And you knew where that led. Where it always led. 

You had kept the monster at bay for so long, it was exhausting most days. And now that you had fed it and let it loose, you were too tired to even try and reign it back in. So here you were, practically unable to move from being so sick from drinking fucking mouthwash rather than ride out your cravings. 

You looked up at the sky and began to pray for God to just take you right there and then, just so you would have to stop feeling like this. Not just physically ill, but completely devastated and heartbroken that the one time you had ever opened yourself to someone, opened yourself to love, the monster inside you killed it. Just like it killed everything. Now you just wanted it to kill you. You were just about to grab some pure rubbing alcohol from under your bathroom sink to drink, you knew it was lethal if you drank about a capful. You had it up to your lips when you heard a banging on your front door.

“Y/N! Y/N open this door!” 

Were you still that fucked up or was that actually Rafael banging on your door? No, it couldn’t be. Could it? You decided it was worth at least checking, if you had hallucinated it you could always come back to the bathroom. You forced yourself to stand up and hobbled towards your front door, still afraid to open it. If it really was him, you didn’t want him to see you like this. Your t-shirt was covered in bright green vomit stains, your hair was messy from puking, your hadn’t checked but you figured your face was probably disgusting. 

“...I’m not home!” The words came out before your sense kicked in to tell you that was literally the most idiotic thing you could say. Clearly he’d know you were fucked up now.

“I’m not kidding! I’ll break down this door, I swear to God,” His voice was angrier than you’d ever heard him. Well, that wasn’t saying much considering you hadn’t known him that long but still. 

“Uh...okay, just a second!” You called nervously, doing your best to quickly change your shirt and fix your hair. 

You grabbed a semi clean t-shirt laying on your couch and threw your hair up in a messy ponytail, wiping the dried vomit and drool from your face. You glanced in the mirror, you looked messy but just messy enough you were pretty sure you could pull off “I’m emotionally destroyed because of you” not “I’m totally trashed and fucked in the head because of you,” You tried walking as straight as you could to the door and softly opened it a bit, not letting him inside.

“Hey…” You gave him a sheepish smile. Wait, weren’t you supposed to be mad at him? Don’t act nice now just because you’re trying to act sober. 

“I mean...that’s a pretty lively looking corpse there, counselor,” You smirked. 

“...What?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Weren’t you the one who said you’d never be caught dead in Jersey?” You smirked harder. Damn, even when you were on the verge of dying you were smooth.

“Let me in,” Rafael said flatly. 

“Uh, no,” You said mockingly. 

“Let me in,” He repeated more sternly. 

“Do you have a warrant?” You asked with an amused smile. 

“Dammit Y/N don’t make me shove this door open,” 

“Oh okay so now you’re threatening to break into my apartment? Why don’t you yell that a little louder, maybe my neighbor will call the cops,” You yelled at him while gesturing down the hall. 

“...Please let me in?” His voice lowered, his eyes softened. You were a sucker for those eyes, no matter how mad or worried about appearances you were.

“...Fine,” You sighed and released your hold on the door and walked away quickly to sit on the couch. You didn’t want him to realize you couldn’t stand without holding onto something. 

“Fuck, I knew it…” He muttered as he glanced around your apartment, then focused on you.

“Knew what?” You crossed your arms, playing it cool. 

“You’re drunk right now, aren’t you?” He looked at you pitifully, not livid like he was a minute ago. 

“What?” You kept your composure. “Uh, I’m sorry Rafael, do you see any empty bottles here? Any FULL bottles for that matter?” You gestured around your apartment while acting offended he would even think that.

“My dad was an alcoholic, Y/N,” He said softly which made you angrier, why was he doing this? 

“Um okay, so that has to do with me why--?”

“Tell me right now if I smelled your breath that it wouldn’t be overwhelmingly ‘clean’,” He talked over you.

“....What?” You blinked, trying desperately to act oblivious. 

Fuck, why did he know that was a thing? Well, obviously he just said it. If you weren’t so angry or out of your mind right now, you’d feel absolutely terrible for being like this around him now that you knew he’d been through this before.

“So it’s a crime to have dental hygiene now?” You smarmed.

“Dammit Y/N I know what you’re doing!” Now he was getting angry again, he couldn’t stand that you weren’t taking this seriously. He couldn’t stand watching another person he cared about completely shit faced in front of him, acting as if he was the one in the wrong. 

“And what am I doing, Rafael?”

“Sonny might be naïve, but I know what it looks like when an alcoholic is hiding their drinking!” He accused you.

“God dammit…” you muttered. 

So many things were buzzing in your head at that moment. One you now felt ashamed that he was seeing you like this, two you were upset that he knew all your tricks, and finally you were somewhat happy and hopeful that he cared enough to come for you. 

“Did you have an actual reason for coming over here, or did Sonny just send you to lecture me because he’s tired of doing it?”

“...Can you drink some coffee or something?” 

“What?” You furrowed your eyebrows. “Why?” 

“I can’t talk to you when you’re like this,” 

“What? Oh suddenly I must be out of my mind trashed because I’m mad at you? Guess what Barba, this is 100% snarky sober me,” You lied. 

“Mad at me?” He laughed. “Why in God’s name are you mad at me?!” 

“After the way you treated me--”

“The way I treated you?!” He cut you off angrily. “I treated you with nothing but caring and respect, Y/N. Even after you sat there in my apartment throwing a temper tantrum like a petulant drunken toddler!” 

“You--” You were livid at him calling you a toddler.

“Just because Sonny told you what I usually act like towards-- lovers, doesn’t make it true with you. Did I ever, ever act like you were some ‘conquest’?” He asked you.

“...No,” You bit your lip nervously.

“Did I ever make you feel cheap, or unwanted?”

“No…” You looked at the floor.

“Didn’t I tell you that you were different, that you meant something to me?”  He gave you a sad look, as if he was crushed that you didn't believe in him.

“But how do I know that wasn’t just a line?!” You protested.

“Because I’m here!” He gestured around your apartment. 

“And why are you here?” You pressed him.

“I don’t know!” He put his hands over his head.

“...That’s not an answer,”  You crossed your arms.

“It’s the only answer I can give you, Y/N,” He finally sat down next to you on the couch. 

You curled up your knees to your chest instinctively, still trying to hide your inebriation and the smell of your breath; even though you knew it was futile at this point.

“So, you come all the way here to bang on my door and yell at me, but you have no idea why?” You continued to be defensive, trying to keep him off your scent.

“What do you want me to say, Y/N? Huh?” He threw up his hands. 

“Do you want me to say it’s because I’m in love with you? Because for the first time in my life I found someone that I want to be with all the time, because you make me the happiest I’ve been in a long time, maybe ever?” 

“Uh no,” You rolled your eyes. “I didn’t ask you to lie,” 

“...I’m not lying,”  He looked at you very seriously, trying to take your hand.

“Yes, you are,” You shook your head and pulled away from him. “In fact I know exactly why you’re here,”

“....What is happening right now?” Rafael asked himself softly. He had just sat there and poured out his heart to you, and you were dismissing him completely. This is exactly why he should have just let you be.

“What’s happening, is that you-- you feel bad that you couldn’t... I don’t know, ‘deal’ with your Daddy issues," You air quoted Daddy, making him shift uncomfortably.

"That is so--" He tried denying it.

"True?" You gave him a look. "Let me guess, you couldn't 'save' him as a kid, right?"

"...That wasn't on me," He muttered, looking at the floor.

"You don't believe that," you scoffed. "I know you don't."

"And how do you know that?" He looked at you skeptically.

"Because I feel like I failed my parents, and they were the shittiest people on earth!" You exclaimed.

"How did you fail them? You weren't even--"

"By being born, Raff," You clarified.

"Carino, don't--"

"Look, my point is you've got this 'white knight syndrome', but you know what I learned? You can't save everyone, so you shouldn't even try,"

"That's a great philosophy," he scoffed. "So you don't even try?'

"Oh fuck off," You rolled your eyes. "I can't even save myself, let alone anyone else,"

"That's not true," he protested. "You saved me,"

"Oh my god," you made a fake gagging noise. "You're just saying that so it'll appease some kind of guilt,"

"I have zero to feel guilty about," he shook his head. For some reason that made you even angrier. 

"Alright well good! So you can leave,"  You pointed towards the door.

"No I'm not leaving, not until you acknowledge what I said," He crossed his arms.

"What? About you being in love with me?" You scoffed. "I told you that's a load of shit."

"And why do you say that?" He asked.

"For one, because you don't fall in love with someone just because they're good in bed," you gave him a look.

"That's not why--"

"And for two, nobody can be in love with a monster," You finished over him.

"You're not a monster--" he tried pulling you towards him but you stood up.

"Yes I am!" You screamed.

Well that was a bad idea. All of a sudden it was as if the chemicals from the mouthwash were sizzling around your insides. You doubled over in pain, the room was going dark. 

"Y/N? Oh my god, baby hold on--" he grabbed you and pulled you into his lap while he dialed 911.

"It's okay, you're okay...just...just hold on, please…" he pleaded with you while stoking your hair and kissing the top of your head, gripping you as if you were going to disappear if he let up.

That was the last thing you heard before everything went black.

#rafael barba #rafael barba imagine #rafael barba x reader #rafael barba x you #law and order svu #law and order svu fanfiction #weird secret friends

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

𝚈𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚎! 𝙰𝚝𝚎𝚎𝚣 𝙿𝚛𝚘𝚏𝚒𝚕𝚎𝚜: 𝙹𝚞𝚗𝚐 𝚆𝚘𝚘𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚐

Disclaimer: In no way am I condoning, promoting, encouraging, justifying nor romanticizing yandere behavior or lifestyle. This is all a work of fiction and not meant to represent real life scenarios.

Warnings: Mentions of toxic relationships, yandere behavior, bullying, harassment, blackmail, sexual scenes, abusive relationship, manipulation, verbal abuse, abortion, attempted murder.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐜 𝐈𝐧𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧:

𝙽𝚊𝚖𝚎: 𝙹𝚞𝚗𝚐 𝚆𝚘𝚘𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚐

𝙳.𝙾.𝙱: 𝙽𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚖𝚋𝚎𝚛 𝟸𝟼𝚝𝚑, 𝟷𝟿𝟿𝟿

𝙷𝚎𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝: 𝟷𝟽𝟹 𝙲𝙼/ 𝟻'𝟾 𝙵𝚝.

𝙰𝚐𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝙻𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚕: ■■■■■100%

𝙾𝚋𝚜𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝙻𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚕: ■■■■□90%

𝙼𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚕 𝙸𝚗𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚋𝚒𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚢: ■■■■□80%

𝙾𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚃𝚑𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝 𝙻𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚕: 𝙷𝚒𝚐𝚑

𝚈𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝙲𝚕𝚊𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚏𝚒𝚌𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗: 𝚃𝚘𝚛𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚘𝚛

𝙱𝚎𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚛𝚊𝚕 𝙰𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚢𝚜𝚒𝚜:

𝙰𝚋𝚒𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚢 𝚝𝚘 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚏𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚕𝚢 𝚖𝚊𝚜𝚔 𝚑𝚒𝚖𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏 𝚊𝚜 𝚊 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚜/𝚘.

𝚃𝚑𝚛𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚜 𝚘𝚏𝚏 𝚙𝚊𝚒𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚞𝚏𝚏𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚘𝚏 𝚘𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚝 .

𝚄𝚜𝚎𝚜 𝚋𝚕𝚊𝚌𝚔𝚖𝚊𝚒𝚕 𝚊𝚜 𝚖𝚎𝚊𝚗𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚑𝚎 𝚍𝚎𝚜𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚜.

𝙳𝚎𝚜𝚙𝚒𝚜𝚎𝚜 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚘𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚛𝚎𝚏𝚞𝚜𝚎𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚘𝚋𝚎𝚢.

𝙽𝚘𝚝 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚒𝚗𝚏𝚕𝚒𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚙𝚑𝚢𝚜𝚒𝚌𝚊𝚕 𝚙𝚊𝚒𝚗.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

You had known him for the longest time, probably since you were both learning the alphabet.

Even back then he was a troublesome boy.

Loved to dip your hair in paint, pour glue inside your backpack.

Or always pushed you off the swings cause he wanted to play in it.

This didn't really faze you back then.

Most of the boys that age played such tricks on almost all the girls.

They all had a specific target and you were Wooyoung's.

You remember telling this one day to your mom, who simply chuckled.

"Honey, boys tend to tease the girls they have a crush on."

You remember looking at her with confusion.

How could they treat someone they like with such utter disrespect and rudeness?

"Because they don't know how to express their feelings."

Like an idiot you believed that, and being the naive little girl you were, you kinda started developing a crush on him.

You remember the first time you talked back to him, it's engraved in your head because it was the first time of many to come where his words, and actions, hurt you.

"Just admit you like me Wooyoung! You only tease me cause you're in love with me."

You remember the rage and disgust in his eyes as he shoved you to the ground, making you scrape your knee on the pavement.

"Get this through that dumb brain of yours Y/N....

No one will ever love a dirty little rat like you."

You came home crying that day. Hurt physically and emotionally at his words.

And the years to come weren't better, as you grew up, Wooyoung's bullying towards you escalated.

You hoped that after you graduated high school and started going to university, you'd be free from him, never see him again.

You could finally be happy for once in your life. Focus on your goals and career.

Everything was going great for you!.......

Until you walked into class and found out not only had Wooyoung been accepted to the same university...

He was majoring in the same field as you!

"Hey dirty little rat. Missed me?"

His cocky smile sent shivers down your spine, you were already fearing what he had in store for you.

If you thought high school was hell, it was nowhere near as awful as the torment Wooyoung was now putting on you.

Tripping you down the stairs to the point you had severe injuries.

Writing nasty and derogatory names on your desk that now wouldn't come off and you'd be forced to look at every time you went to class.

One time he went as far as stealing your assignments, ultimately leading to failing an entire semester.

You were so heartbroken and just done with his shit. You felt no more motivation to even continue studying.

Until a cute boy named Yeonjun transferred and took an interest in you.

He was super nice, friendly and not to mention good looking and hella tall.

It was more than obvious too that he wanted establish a relationship with you, anyone and everyone could see that.

Especially Wooyoung and he did not look the way someone else was making you happy.

So he devised a plan, not caring how messed up it was.

He made sure someone convinced you to go to a party he'd be at.

You found it odd that he was suddenly acting super nice to you, not even calling you those mild nicknames he called you in front of others.

And it shocked you even more when he suddenly apologized to you for everything he'd done to you, even offering to talk to your professor about your assignment.

His eyes seemed so sincere, you actually believed him.

Perhaps he finally decided to change, realized his behavior was unnecessary and immature and of course, like an idiot you accepted his apology.

You got wasted for the first time in your life that night and could not remember anything at all.

Until Wooyoung was 'kind' enough to brief you in on what happened.

He pulled out his phone and made you watch a video he had filmed of you two that night.

Your stomach hurled over as you realized it was a fucking sex tape, you and Wooyoung had actually fucked that night.

"What! No no! This couldn't have happened! There's no way!" You refused to believe it.

Wooyoung just smirked at you.

"Oh but it did happen kitten. You were so eager too as the video displays, you kept asking me to go harder, begging me for another round and wanting my cum all over you..."

"I wonder what would the whole school say if I posted it online....especially Yeonjun."

Now you realized what his game was. He was never sorry. It was just another form of him to torture you, and this tipped the scale.

You were so shaken up, you got down on your knees and begged him not to show anyone the video.

"Please Wooyoung! I'll do anything! Anything!"

"Anything?......really? How about becoming mine then?"

And now you were forever tied to your worst nightmare.

Wooyoung especially enjoyed seeing Yeonjun's disappointed and heartbroken look when he announced that you two were now dating.

Now he couldn't even look at you anymore, feeling somewhat betrayed by your actions.

You wanted to tell him you were sorry and explain to him what was going on, but Wooyoung had eyes on you 24/7.

He even made you move in with him and now even your free time had to be spent with him.

You hated living with him.

He not only made sure to verbally abuse you, but actually seemed to have fun causing tiny accidents to happen around you.

His favorite was when he'd peer over your shoulder as you tried to study.

He scoffed. "Why even bother if all you'll ever be good at is spreading your legs?"

Those were his favorite insults: "whore" "slut" "bitch".

One time you were just so fed up with him, that you ended up snapping back.

"Shut the fuck up Wooyoung! You're such an insufferable piece of shit, no wonder your mom left you and your dad back in middle school."

As soon as the words came out, you wanted to swallow them back in.

Wooyoung was livid at your words.

He not only yanked you up by your hair, but he actually threw you to the floor and started kicking you harshly.

He didn't kick you for too long though, he did not want to risk anyone questioning when he told them you fell down the stairs.

And especially not take you to the hospital.

You had no choice but to stay home as you tried to recuperate.

You remember one of those days, you came home from a quick trip to the convenience store and found some girl blowing Wooyoung on the couch.

You weren't fazed. He often brought girls home and fucked them right in front of you.

You just sighed and decided to ignore the shit eating grin he'd give you whenever you caught him.

You decided long ago it wasn't worth it.

You two weren't even dating cause you wanted to.

He just loved controlling you, having power over you, holding something over your head.

He had this obsessive need to make you miserable.

And you hated that you had no choice but to allow it.

Even when there were things you didn't want to do, you had to or he'd once again blackmail you.

The one time you adamantly refused to was when you found out you were pregnant.

Wooyoung was just as shocked as you.

"And you're telling me I'm the father?"

"Uh......I can't have sex with anyone who isn't you, obviously you're the father."

Wooyoung couldn't let you go through with the pregnancy.

"Get rid of it." He told you.

You wrapped a protective hand around your bump.

"No! This is my baby and I won't allow you to harm it!"

You weren't going to budge though.

"Show the tape to everyone! I don't give a fuck anymore! But I'm not killing an innocent child who has done nothing wrong. "

Realizing he was losing control of you, Wooyoung knocked you out unconscious, deciding to take matters into your own hands.

You woke up a day later, feeling sore and aching in your inner thighs and lower abdomen.

You immediately panicked and sensed something was wrong.

You didn't need Wooyoung to tell you, you knew he had taken you to a clinic and had the baby removed.

You were so shaken up, cried your eyes out and no longer had any will to fight against Wooyoung.

You felt like it all all your fault, the death of your baby was your fault.

You weren't strong enough to save it and it was killing you inside.

You no longer trusted anyone, and you didn't have the heart to talk about it to anyone. Not like they'd believe you or care about you.

But someone did notice, Yeonjun never stopped caring about you and although he was hurt you went with someone else, he still had feelings for you.

And he was very observant and noticed that ever since you started dating Wooyoung, you were skipping a lot of classes....

And you were having a lot of accidents...too many in fact.

And now he just saw you completely lost and like a walking dead.

"Hey Y/N, are you ok?" He asked you one day.

You were going to respond, but the devil made an appearance by your side.

"She's fine and was just coming home with me. Weren't you baby?"

To everyone, it looked like a sweet and caring smile from your doting boyfriend, but you knew it was all fake.

Nonetheless you just kept your head low and went home with him.

Yeonjun noticed the way you trembled when he put his arm around you, noticed the frightened look in your eyes and he knew something was wrong in your relationship.

When you got home, Wooyoung was pissed off at you and immediately struck your face.

"I thought I told you not to talk to him! Can't you obey a simple order you fucking bitch?!"

When he pulled out a knife from the kitchen, you were now scared for your life.

You tried to fight back, but Wooyoung was stronger than you and you were still in pain after the abortion.

He knocked you to the floor and managed to land 2 stab wounds into your right side.

You could never forget the wrath and hate in his eyes as he told you:

"I'm going to fucking kill you."

By some miracle, someone taller and stronger than Wooyoung got him off you, that someone being none other than Yeonjun.

He felt glad about following his hunch and followed you both back home, otherwise he'd end up reading about you in the newspaper.

He had no trouble in subduing Wooyoung and calling the police.

The only thing on his mind was getting you to the hospital as soon as possible.

"It's ok Y/N. You're going to be fine." He assured you

Your physical injuries were easy to recover from, but the emotional trauma and abuse Wooyoung put you through was not.

Yet Yeonjun was there every step of the way, going with you to therapy and just listening to you and your terrifying story.

For the first time in your life, you felt truly loved and happy....

And safe.

A year after the ordeal, you were doing much better and were nearly fully recuperated.

Yeonjun and you rented a place together and were completely in love with each other.

Everything seemed to be going perfect....

And then one day your phone rang.

Picking up, you asked "Hello?"

"Don't think it's over yet you dirty little rat."

#ateez #ateez wooyoung #ateez reactions #ateez scenarios #ateez imagines #ateez headcanons #ateez fluff #ateez angst #ateez smut #jung wooyoung #ateez yandere #yandere!ateez #yandere!au #ateez yandere au #yandere!wooyoung #ateez wooyoung fluff #ateez wooyoung angst #ateez wooyoung smut #ateez wooyoung scenarios #ateez wooyoung imagines #ateez wooyoung headcanons #jung wooyoung angst #jung wooyoung scenarios #jung wooyoung fluff #jung wooyoung imagines #jung wooyoung smut #ateez wooyoung fanfiction #jung wooyoung fanfiction

[lochsides]

Yellow Metal - cathartic Review

Here’s something I did not expect to be reviewing this week but when Zayn drops a 24 minute rap track, you fall in line. I had to listen to it a couple times through before I could even begin to make sense of my thoughts because my brain sort of malfunctioned. I have never been prouder to be a Zayn fan. He’s such a nuanced songwriter and there is so much to unpack here.

I think this is the most unfiltered version of Zayn that we have ever been exposed to (and possibly will ever be). I am grateful that he said his piece in this because it needed to be said. As a brown woman, I felt so seen by this and I cannot explain what that means to me. Thank you Z, for your unvarnished truth in addressing racism and various forms of discrimination.

I’m doing a short lyrical analysis below the cut, but the TLDR is that this is a fantastic piece of art that deserves to be heard.

I wish he had released this as an EP because that would be easier to review than a single 24 minute song, structurally speaking. So instead, I have picked out some key lyrics, going from top to bottom, that really spoke to me and decided to study the song that way. His lyricism is hard-hitting in this track. It is beyond anything he has ever released before.

“The planet bleeds, the damaged trees. It’s never leaving until we ascend so fuck the fence.” — I have not seen this lyric being talked about in the fandom, because the lyrics that follow this steal the show, rightly so, but I wanted to give this line a moment because it’s important too. To me, this lyric speaks to where Zayn is at with his relationship with the physical world. He’s out on the farm (about which he even goes to say “tell you what I like, farm life and the tractor”) and I believe he’s happy in his space and he feels connected to nature (also see River Road). So it is a poignant and slightly jaded, but valid perspective that he shares on climate change. It’s never leaving until we ascend. The damage human beings have done to the planet won’t be undone until there are no humans left to do damage. It’s a single sentence that says so much about the depth of the climate crisis. I’m doing my PhD on urban air quality so this is something I care really deeply about and I resonated with.

“And until they stop killing colour, it’s fuck the feds.” — Yeah, agreed Zayn. The systemic racism that he calls out here is echoed throughout the song, in equal parts anger and boldness. I love that he isn’t glossing over it with metaphors, which he could easily do and it would be beautiful in a totally different way, but this makes it harder for racists to overlook. There is so much power in calling it like it is.

“Never lose me to fentanyl, scared when I take a Benadryl, keeping it green in general.” — It frustrates me to no end to see Zayn painted as this drug-addicted lazy musician that doesn’t care about his work, because we know how untrue that is. This narrative is tired and simply boring too, and I won’t get into the racist connotations of it when you consider it against his white colleagues who smoke as much as him but that isn’t one of their defining traits in the media.

“I’m racking up excuses while I’m slacking off on work … it was hard work that got me heard” — I love the juxtaposition in this verse. The public/media perception on his career is that Zayn doesn’t put in effort or that he doesn’t want it. This obviously stems from his leaving the band. It goes back to what I was saying before about narrative, when in reality, as Zayn has said on various occasions, he fights to make his own choices. And that doesn’t have to look the way everyone else expects it to (“I beg you, don’t include me. I might write it on my shirt”), he has his own struggles that have helped forge his path, but it is his path that he paved, himself. He works hard to be heard. He has to. It reminds me of something my parents used to tell me when I was younger about being immigrants: you have to work 10 times harder for the same opportunities just because of the colour of your skin or your name on the cv. It’s a harsh truth to grow up with but it was my reality, as it is for most POC.

“This life doesn’t give you no armour, a lot of myself can harm you. I swear on what’s good, that I’m here ‘til they take me. I pray that I’m wrinkled, at least over 80…” — There is something about the simplicity of these lyrics are the messaging that I love. He isn’t trying too hard to sound poetic but he still manages it perfectly.

“All I've been achieving, clocking miles in this region, moving like a legion. Promise that I made to myself, an allegiance. Do you still believe I’m a fool for ever leaving? Staring at the ceiling, can never put a cap on achieving. I’m just here for the rap, then I’m leaving. // I’ve had about enough of being my own enemy. It’s time I grew up, a long way from 17. Always went against the grain, struggles in my life. Got some things to say when I stand up on the mike.” — This is the only 1D-related lyric I’ll make reference to because this song is about so much more than that. That said though, we cannot overlook Zayn’s experiences in the band because that is part of his story. The tongue-in-cheek of “I’m just here for the rap, then I’m leaving” is hilarious to me. The line about not wanting to be his own enemy anymore and growing up from 17 reminds me of that quote Taylor (Swift) mentioned in Miss Americana about celebrities getting stuck at the age they got famous. I think this verse is similar to that. None of them ever wanted to be in the band and I don’t care what anyone says, Zayn leaving and proving success outside the band gave the rest of them the courage to follow their own solo careers. Sure there was drama surrounding the split but he did it for himself, to tell his stories the way he is now. Whatever else you have to say about him, you cannot deny his authenticity.

“I ain’t dropping this for fame, I need this time, like therapy, it’s just to keep me sane.” — I think this line tells us 2 things, the first being that this song was not leaked. Z knew what he was doing and his twitter likes tell us as much. He didn’t release it for any sort of attention, otherwise it would be widely available on streaming platforms and for purchase. Which leads to my second point, he released this song to get everything he talks about on the track off his chest. Its referenced in other lyrics too, like “now you see where I come from, the world don’t.” This was for whoever cared to listen, not the world. It’s inaccessible for a reason. I love that he threw those lyrics in. It makes the song feel more like a private conversation or listening to a friend rant. It creates a different form of intimacy between himself and his fans.

“Lessons that I’ve learned, I’ve tried teaching to myself. What I’ve learnt from certain people is that they’re better than myself. So I surround myself with real ones, and you feel the plastic melt.” — This one is for anyone that buys into conspiracy theories surrounding Zayn’s personal life. He surrounds himself with real people, real friendships, real connections. I have never bought into the bullshit that he has zero autonomy over his personal life. I love the use of plastic melting as a metaphor for ridding his life of fakeness.

“Feeling trapped. This industry is a cage.” — Zayn is obviously not the first person to say it. Many artists talk about how suffocating the industry is ( which he further comments on in the sung portion: “I don’t wanna be, I don’t wanna be, a part of this, no, I don’t wanna be, I don’t wanna be, a part of this”). Fame is such a wild and unnatural concept and the exploitation and politics of the music industry only feed further into it. The industry being a cage makes me think of zoos and how celebrities are animals on display, when they should be free in the wild. I also really like the musical interlude following this part.

“Nobody’s speaking the truth, I’m offended by the State. Look at the state of the news, I’ve decided the argument, reciting my views.” — Zayn toes the line between keeping to himself and speaking out on important issues, sometimes not very well. I am his biggest cheerleader, but I’m not up his ass. There have been many occasions where he could’ve done better. But I cannot fault him for being offended by the State because same, Z, same. I love that he took this song as an opportunity to real speak out, no punches pulled.

“See I’ve been facing the racists from back when I were a kiddie. Born up in 93’. Living in Bradford City, they kicked me out of the school. Said they had a problem with me hitting the kids that would call me p***, still sit in the classroom, chilling. I’m angry now that I’m older cause I see they treat us different. Got me thinking I’m the problem ‘cause they never dealt with these issues.” — See what I meant about no punches pulled. He said that! He said it like that too. There is so much in this verse that I relate to, it hits a little too deep. I grew up as a brown in predominantly white communities where the colour of my skin was the reason I was outcasted. We know when that’s happening, clear as day. The lyric “got me thinking that I’m the problem cause they never dealt with these issues” says it all. I have many racial traumas that I’m dealing with as an adult because the adults around me when I was a child didn’t deal with racism in the classroom. They do treat us different!

“20 years later, I’m still in the same boat. Tryna treat me like my grandpa, say I came up off the boat. Came to tell you what I stand for. Man I think you’re shit, a joke. How can I be civil when they got me by the throat? // Pushing my feelings down, you ain’t got it like them. ‘Boy your skin is so light.’ Ok motherfucker, take my name up on a flight. Try to convince immigration that your bloodline’s half white.” — Zayn talking his shit is my new favourite art form. How can I be civil when they got me by the throat? Something that I will always be enraged by is that POC are expected to de-escalate situations of racism. We have to push our feelings down, as Zayn says in the verse, because the institution is against us. All of the institutions are against us. The fact that he takes it a step farther to say that his name makes him a target for racism, even though he is half-white just nails his point home. Also, can we please quit the whole ‘Zayn is white-passing’ bullshit. He alludes to it again later in the song (“asian in my face, but still my race you can’t define”). Its not a compliment to erase someone identity in favour of white-washing them.

“My name ain’t on the list unless they label it ethnic.” — Oh, the amount of times we have heard that age old (v. racist) saying ‘{celebrity of colour} is the new [insert white celebrity here]’ as if POC aren’t allowed to succeed in their own right. It is wild to me that Zayn has to deal with this given his level of success.

“Start to understand why they think that I’m threatening. I move in certain ways, couldn’t slow me with ketamine.” — There is a subtle nod to racism (and Islamaphobia) in this line, because of course the brown man is a threat, but I like the way Z turns it around. I also like the rhyme scheme.

“Raised on the benefit for whose benefit? They’ll never learn shit, man, if the shoe fits.” — Okay I might be reaching here, but this is just my interpretation. We all know the benefit system in the UK sucks. Being raised on benefit implies a lack of money growing up, but the benefits aren’t really all that beneficial to the families that rely upon them.

“Dealing with the hurt, they should know cause they don’t deserve it, it hit deep cause I hit the nerve.” — Well, okay then, just call me out. It’s fine. I seriously feel like he’s talking to me directly with this line. I imagine a lot of us do. Its one of those lyrics that are a bit too honest but that why we love them.

“Cathartic, I’m an artist. Trying to put my heart in” // “Freedom fighter, Yellow Metal is my name.” — So do we have an alternate persona for Zayn now? Alright, I’m down. I think these two lines are tied together, because both are mentioned in the song title. (I think of the song as cathartic, by Yellow Metal, aka Zayn, or Yellow Metal as the name of the EP if this was officially released). The lyrics that accompany both title lyrics, along with the subject matter of the song as a whole, suggest that his heart is in standing up against injustices. I said it earlier, this is the most unvarnished version of Z that we have ever been exposed to. Almost like the complete picture to the puzzle pieces we’ve been putting together over the years.

“They’re tryna kill us with disease.” — Why did this line scream out ‘COVID-19 outbreaks in developing countries’ to me? Again, I might be reaching, but there is a disparity between how COVID is treated amongst minorities, along with many other diseases, and not to mention rich, primarily white countries hoarding vaccine supplies while places like India (and my beautiful Bangladesh and I’m sure Pakistan too) suffer needlessly.

“Started something sick and on my mind is what’s next. Just became a dad so now I’m taking all the cheques. Better know I’m staying and paying like it’s debt. Imma get it done, if it’s taking all my breath, sweat, and down I ain’t messing around ’til I’m the best.” — I think this lyric shows off Zayn’s sentimental side more than it does his ambitious side, because we know he’s in this for the long haul. Others may doubt that but his fans never have. But hearing him talk openly about being a father on a song is something else. It’s like Khai added this whole other layer of meaning and purpose to his life and it’s beautiful to watch. I’ve been here since the X-Factor auditions guys!! It makes me so emotional to witness him like this.

“Aint many of me around, p***, I’m just different. Certain stages to this level aint here because fame is to the devil, fuck a label, imma do this from the ghetto.” — God, we’ve been waiting for a fuck the label moment in this house, haven’t we? I won’t get into my theories on his label or his team, but none of us deny the fact that they should be doing more for him than they are. He has the potential to be the biggest thing with the right team and promo because he has a built-in fan base that would go the mile for him. Obviously, there’s also his aversion to promo to contend with and that’s his decision. Even without it, he could shatter every ceiling. Another thing I want to mention about this verse is the nod to the complete lack of South Asian representation in contemporary Western media.

“Don’t know what’s worse: the way that you live your life or the way that you write a verse.” — I’m just putting this in here because it made giggle. Also going to take this space to say how much I love his energy in this song. He knows he’s the shit, as he should!

“Can’t be louder … so free Gaza on my banner.” // “They’re hating on Palestine ways.” — I love that Zayn has always supported this movement, years ago, before being ‘woke’ was a thing. But now, he has a daughter that has Palestinian heritage and I’m sure that makes this hit that much deeper for him, personally. The apartheid in Palestine is heart-wrenching. It’s so strange to me to watch it happen, because I never thought I would witness something like this happening in 2021, yet here we are.

“Like vipers, I see the sly ones, the snake that’s called Biden, none of them abiding what they might put in writing. We should be used to it by now, say whatever for the vote and then just choose another route. Say they’d never kill another unless that brother’s skin is brown. I’m just telling you the facts, if you can’t take it, the truth naked, to bare bones and my thoughts lately, spitting politics.” — This verse is straight up savage and I am living for it! I find it hilarious that he called Biden a snake. This verse addresses the truth about politics, that even electing a left-wing leader doesn’t fix the system.

“I’m Tony Stark, still embarking on a dream” // “Gone green like Bruce Banner” // “He taught me like Ra’s Al Ghul. Felt like living in Gotham, the people were rotten.” — And to tie it all off, I wanted to take a goofy moment to mention all the superhero lyrics Z added in this song, really showing his personality because I’m such a nerd when it comes to this stuff and it makes me wish that we were friends so I could annoy him to death about it.

#reviews #zayn #yellow metal #cathartic #zayn malik

[glitxhwayventeen]

Lonely Together

Jihoon: Chapter 1 (Perfect)

Characters: Jihoon x female reader

Genre/Warnings: multi-member au (different scenarios), werewolf au, fantasy, smut, angst, fluff, potential blood mentions, genocide, runaways, domestic violence, child abuse, abandonment, homelessness, hunger, violence. Any others will be put as warnings when future chapters are thought up/written.

Author’s Note: I recommend listening to Perfect by Ed Sheeran before reading this. That’s the song I thought of while writing this because it makes me feel some type of way you know?

Please remember that all of these chapters and the content within them are a work of fiction! They’re just for fun/entertainment!

Bold= Dialogue Italics= Thoughts

🥀 & ☁️

Lonely Together Master List

Chapter 1: Perfect

It had been so long since you’d been around so many people. It made you antsy. You didn’t understand a lot of what was going on in the house. The constant noise scared you. It had you on such an edge that you nearly screamed everytime one of them coughed.

To be fair, before you had met them, you’d honestly jump at footsteps. Because footsteps meant humans, and humans meant danger. Not to mention that you were still not used to being in your human form. You preferred to stay a wolf, you were stronger when you walked on all four legs, and you weren’t as noticeable.

Your human appearance was… striking to most people to say the least. Your bright eyes and darker skin with salt and pepper curly hair made everyone around you always stare at you. You understood it somewhat, you didn’t match everyone else’s looks in Korea. But that didn’t mean you liked people watching you all the time, you hated being the center of attention. So to say you were still adjusting to being around people after having lived alone for centuries was a bit of an understatement. It was all so new to you. You had a new feeling now too. You just weren’t sure what it was…

At first, you thought maybe it was hope. You hadn’t hoped in such a long time, it would bring tears to even the most hardened criminal’s eyes. But you weren’t that good at trusting that human part of you. So you decided to go off of what you knew. And, even though you hadn’t been there long, two weeks at the most you thought, you learned a lot of things about them. You knew all but one of the wolves had a mate. You knew that two of the alphas butted heads on how to lead the pack a lot and that one just watched from the side and did everything behind the scenes without causing too much distress to the others. You knew they all loved each other, no matter what they said or how much they fought. You also knew that, being around them made you feel more alone than you’ve felt in decades.

When you were younger, you didn’t mind being alone. It meant that you didn’t have to rely on anyone, it meant you only had to look out for yourself. And as you got older, it just felt… right. But being around this house full to the brim with people, you started to realize just how much you missed being part of a big family. They treated you like you were one of them. Which was weird to you… because they didn’t really know you. I mean sure they saved you from imminent death, but they didn’t know you from Adam.

The more you thought about your current situation, the weirder the feeling got. The closer you got to each one of them, the stronger the feeling got. And when you got close to one of the quiet ones in particular, you swore it felt like your heart was singing to you. It was something you weren’t sure you’d ever get used to, but it wasn’t something you necessarily hated either. Whatever the feeling was, you’d figure it out eventually or it would go away on its own… right?

Still, You got to eat first with the other mates, well the mates minus Soonyoung. He may have been Seungcheol’s mate but 1.) he was a wolf unlike the other mates and 2.) he was a male wolf so he ate just as much as the other boys did. So they didn’t think it fair that he get to eat with all of you. Or them…. Or-whatever. You didn’t know, you just knew they offered you and the other girls food first and, considering you used to have to hunt for your food or you didn’t get to eat, you were definitely NOT complaining. Soonyoung though, you learned, had a tendency to whine about any and everything that he didn’t like.

“Aww come on again! No fair! (Y/N)’s just as much of a wolf as I am! Why does SHE get to eat first when I don’t??” Soonyoung decided to voice aloud, grabbing his plate with both hands and semi-patiently waiting for his turn to grab food.

You didn’t mind of course. You did think he had a point. It didn’t seem fair to him. Either he should be eating with the other mates, or you should be eating with the other wolves. So you agreed.

“He’s got a point. I should be eating with the other wolves. I eat more than the other girls after all” you shrugged matter of factly to the lead alpha, who was also his mate, who was hunched over the stove making said breakfast.

The thing is, Seungcheol did understand the argument. And he personally saw merit to the concerns, whether it was because it was a genuine point or whether it was just from months of his mate complaining about it, he didn’t know. Still, he saw it’s reasonings and thought they could be sound.

BUUUT, he also knew that SOMEBODY would definitely NOT be happy if you had to wait and fight the boys for food. It seemed everyone, wolves and mates alike, but you understood that Jihoon had imprinted on you already. Maybe you just didn’t know much about it, or maybe you knew and just decided you didn’t want to know, either way, it wasn’t for him to decide or judge.

So, as he looked over to the table of boys who were ACTUALLY patiently waiting their turn to dig in, his eyes landed on Jihoon, who shook his head and narrowed his eyes at the older wolf in return. Of course you didn’t notice this action, you were always more in your own head than you were in conversations.

“Sucks to suck kids. I make the rules and I say you eat with the mates. End of story. Sorry love!” he declared, once again moving his eyes ever so slightly to Jihoon, who nodded his head slightly as he smiled triumphantly.

He was NOT about to let his newfound mate eat the other mates leftovers with the other wolves. No. That was absolutely NOT happening. He may not have “officially” expressed that you were his mate, but he’d be damned if he wasn’t gonna do everything in his power to make sure you were happy, healthy, and well fed.

“But-” you argued, trying to bring your point’s validity up to him again.

“But nothing (Y/N). Sure you eat more than the other girls. But you DEFINITELY don’t eat as much as the boys do. Even if you are a wolf. Besides you’re one of-” he trailed off just as someone around the room hit the table slightly and coughed. Everyone but you realized where he was going with that sentence, and Jihoon wasn’t ready to face that just yet.

“-One of our guests.” Seungcheol thought after a moment, clearly lying his ass off but hoping he did a good enough job that you didn’t notice. Luckily for him, you weren’t all that great at social cues. “Therefore you shall not be eating whatever’s left, you’ll get first dibs with the other girls.” He said as he sat one of the plates of remaining food left from what the mates couldn’t eat down on the table, kissing his pouting mates forehead in the process.

“Don’t worry about Soonyoung. He’s just a baby. He’ll get over it. You deserve to be eating with the mates.” Spoke the smallest boy of the pack with a smile that seemed to light up as bright as a bonfire whenever you looked him in the eyes. He was the one that had your heart singing whenever you were in the same room. His little declaration made your cheeks heat up.

“O-Okay, I guess. I still don’t think I’ve done anything to deserve the special treatment… but thank you” you resolved with a polite smile back, doing your best to hide the pink covering your face. His heart rate sped up to jackrabbit speed as his inner wolf seemed to beamed at your answer.

“No (Y/N). Thank YOU.” Hansol retorted with a shit eating grin on his face. What he wanted to say was “thanks for helping one of the assholes in the group become juuuuust a little less of an asshole by being his mate,” but obviously he couldn’t do that without getting his ass beat.

“Thank me? Thank me for what?” You questioned, genuinely curious as to what he was thanking you for. You hadn’t done anything to warrant a thank you… had you?

“Oh nothing. Don’t worry about it. You’ll find out… eventually” He let out, looking at Jihoon, earning a smack from the older wolf and a small growl. Though he whined for a second, Hansol still began to laugh at his actions.

“…Okaaaay��” you said, trying your best to forget the conversation as a whole so you could eat the remains of your pancakes. Man these guys are weird.

-

Jihoon wasn’t sure exactly what he should do. He knew he couldn’t deny his instincts forever. But he wasn’t so sure about this whole “mate” thing. I mean, who was he kidding, he got along better on his own. He survived on his own for his entire life, at the orphanage, at school, even in his pack. For the most part, he kept to himself. He was SEVERELY independent, and he liked it that way. People just always managed to bring attachments and strings. Even still, He couldn’t cut off his pack. I mean don’t get him wrong, he loved those idiots and would do anything for them, but fuck, if they didn’t have the dumbest ideas and get themselves into the stupidest shit sometimes.

He knew his survival instinct told him to just ignore the feelings he had for you and act like nothing happened to protect himself. It’s not like you had noticed anyways. But the wolf part of him loved the idea of having a mate. For the longest time, he had to sit around and watch his brothers find their mates and fall in deep love. He watched Seungcheol find Soonyoung first a few months after he had met him. Then Joshua found his mate, Mina, after a few weeks of knowing him. Even little Channie imprinted on his mate, Somi, after just two days of Jihoon being acquainted with him.

Before he knew it, it was just him left without one. They always seemed so… happy and he just… wasn’t. He didn’t mind of course. He was glad his brothers found happiness. But he soon came to realize how lonely being alone truly was. He’d see his pack and their mates do cute things and, his heart was struck with a dull pain that never seemed to lessen, and at the time he didn’t understand why that was. But when he saw you, he knew the whole time he was yearning for you. When he saw you, for once he didn’t completely loathe the idea of taking care of or protecting another person. Even if it meant becoming one of the “lovey people.” He saw you and, one bat of your beautiful eyelashes and he knew, he would gladly lay his life down for you. How could he not?

You were caring and kind, even if you didn’t like to show it. You held yourself high, even if you were small. You were little, but you were mighty. You were smart, yet funny. You hardly spoke, but when you did, it was always something memorable. You never seemed to hold your true self back. He already knew that you were Perfect for him, even if he’d hardly spoken to you. He just couldn’t help the sane part of him that was very weary of the whole situation.

As Jihoon debated his true feelings for you over his breakfast, the other wolves went and conversed with each other. They tried to speak to you too, but you never really had a lot to say. You preferred to listen, which they weren’t all that surprised at. Jihoon was the quiet, calm, smart wolf, so it’s no surprise that his mate was the same way. You’d both always seem to get lost in thought almost simultaneously. You’d both come back to Earth at the same time too, always with very similar excuses.

Though everytime your eyes met, you’d both look away, trying your best to hide the blushes that spread across both your cheeks. It was kind of cute and the pack loved that their brother wouldn’t have to be all alone any longer. He’d no longer have to just sit on the side lines while they all had the time of their lives. He now had you, even if you didn’t realize it yet. You could both be Lonely Together.

Another Author’s Note: I know this chapter is relatively short compared to the others I’ve written so far, but honestly, your girls tired as fuck. I work a full time job, go to school full time, and take care of a lot of my family’s household. Let’s just be lucky I can write at all. Plus, I wrote Wonwoo’s story earlier today too. So let’s just call it a success and I’ll write a better chapter for him next time!

(Updated 9/6)

#seventeen #seventeen angst #seventeen au #seventeen fanfic #seventeen fluff #seventeen smut #svt au #seventeen x reader #jihoon #woozi drabble #woozi fluff #woozi angst #svt woozi #seventeen woozi

[hybridfanfiction]

Owner Training - 8

- YOONGI POV -

He knows exactly how long he’d lived on the streets. Seven hundred and fifteen days. Almost two years. Not long compared to many of the other hybrids that had roamed the area, but long enough for him. It had been cold and miserable, and he’d always had to fight for a spot under the park bridge when it rained. He’d been hungry and constantly sick, but it was still better than it had been living in any of his other previous homes.

He’d been smart when he left the last one, taking along his keyboard that a social worker had given him. Playing on that had allowed him to make enough money to keep himself fed, thanks to the guy that ran the convenience store and didn’t mind hybrids buying things for themselves. There was also the little old lady that ran a hostel nearby that let him pay for a shower and a nap, slipping him soup and sandwiches sometimes.

And then there’d been her.

The first couple of times he saw her hadn’t been some sort of love at first sight story. She’d simply been another face in the crowd that would stop by when he played, clapping and throwing some change in his bucket. It wasn’t until she’d asked if he could play Il Lamento by Liszt that he’d bothered to take a good look at her. Then once he’d looked, he couldn’t stop. Suddenly he noticed how pretty she was, how she always smelled sweet and clean with a hint of the same lemon and ginger tea every single day. How she never talked down to him. 

Before long, he’d begun to look forward to her visits. Sometimes she’d bring him breakfast and chat for a while ( meaning he’d let her ramble on while he set up his spot for the day) before she left for work. Sometimes she’d stop by after a hard day at work and simply sit on a bench with her eyes closed, listening to him play. He always made sure to play something soothing on those days. 

Occasionally she’d throw him way too much money which made him feel really awkward, so he’d offer to do something more to earn it. Usually, she just had him carry groceries or something else equally small just to humor him. 

It was every time that she was too busy to show up that he realized he was growing alarmingly attached to this human. That was not a clever thing to do, and he’d always prided himself on being a smart and realistic guy. Humans weren’t to be trusted. They would pretend to be loving and caring, then the moment no one was watching they’d turn their hybrids into slaves and sex toys. 

But then there was her, Ginger. That wasn’t her real name, of course, just what he’d taken to calling her in his head. She always smelled like the lemon and ginger tea she obviously drank often. He got so used to smelling it as soon as she arrived that he’d begun to equate that scent with...comfort? Home? He didn’t know. It’s not like she was his owner or anything, but his hind-brain was certainly attached to her. 

The point was that he trusted this woman for some reason that he couldn’t quite figure out. She seemed genuine and caring, but so had others in his past. She seemed a little ditsy sometimes, but that wasn’t a bad thing exactly. It was kinda cute, to be honest. 

So yeah, there were a few times he’d daydreamed about what life would be like if someone like her was his owner. Sure, he’d like to be able to not have to have an owner at all, but that wasn’t the reality of his life. Somehow, however, he thought if it was Ginger maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. She was nice, really pretty, and seemed to like him just as much. 

So maybe when the most horrible storm of the year had happened and he’d been shit out of luck getting a spot under the bridge, he decided to take a shot. Worst case scenario, she called Hybrid Control. Best, she’d let him stay for the night. So he’d run towards the familiar apartment building only to find that she was still at work. All the lights were off and the door was locked. He could have slept on the porch, and he’d had every intention of doing so until he’d seen the wide-open window. 

He’d sighed in exasperation at her forgetfulness. Really, anyone could just jump inside the first-floor apartment and steal her shit. He’d been racked by shivers, the cold rain firming his resolve. Better to ask for forgiveness than die of pneumonia. 

He’d climbed into the bedroom window, cringing at the muddy prints he made on the floor. He’d clean it up before she got home. He sniffed, nearly moaning in happiness. It smelled so great in her apartment. He could smell her everywhere. There were occasional scents here and there that weren’t hers, but they were so faint that they obviously belonged to visitors. 

He’d been terrified, honestly, but he’d been so desperate and lonely and just emotionally drained that he’d decided fuck it. If she freaked out and kicked him out on his ass, well, better to get it over with now before he got even more attached. 

So he’d turned on the heat, showered, and grabbed some sweat pants from her dresser. At first, he hadn’t meant to fall asleep in her bed. He’d planned on just sitting there and waiting for his doom, but then the heat was so nice and the covers looked so soft and smelled so much like her that he figured just for a minute. He’d just try it out for a minute because it had been so long since he’d slept in such a nice bed. 

When she’d woken him up after she came home, he’d been terrified. Of course, he’d long mastered the art of seeming nonchalant even while his heart was pounding so hard he was afraid it would burst. So he’d bluffed his way through, hoping that she was really as much of a bleeding heart as she’d always seemed. 

Thank fuck she was, because she simply allowed him to stay with minimal fuss. In fact, he’d even gotten her to go along with him living there instead of just for the night. Of course, she’d obviously been too confused by what was happening to protest anything, but once again her ditziness was part of her charm. 

That first night in her bed would live in his memory forever. It wasn’t like much had happened, but it was something to him. He’d felt...safe. Probably the last time he’d genuinely felt that way had been when he was a kitten and didn’t know any better. But laying next to her wrapped in warmth and her scent, their legs tangled together and his tail pulling her close...he’d been safe. 

The days that had followed were like a dream. Every time he thought it was time for her to show her true colors, she’d surprise him instead by showing that her heart was bigger than her brain. Despite the way he forced himself into her life, she made every attempt to make him feel like he belonged there. She took him shopping, tried to cook for him despite being horrible at it, bought him a cell phone so that she could text him while she was at work. She went out of her way to find his favorite foods and shows and anything else she could spoil him with. She took care of him when he was sick and always let him sleep in the bed with her. 

After a while, he began to forget that there was a time before her. There were still times where he’d call himself a fool for trusting a human, but she just had to smile at him like he was her whole world for him to think that she was the exception. She was the real deal and he wanted to be good enough for her. 

When he realized that his feelings were veering into the forbidden territory of maybe actually loving this dumb human, he’d been terrified once again. Would it be better to keep it to himself and learn to live with it when she eventually got into a relationship someday, or tell her and risk losing her completely? Because, while she’d never treated him like a pet he was still a hybrid. Hybrid and human relationships were still viewed as “kinky,” something he didn’t think she was...well, not without a bit of training in the future anyway. 

Learning that her own brother was in an actual committed relationship with his hybrid had been an eyeopener. She’d never expressed a single bit of disgust or disdain towards the relationship at all. They simply were a regular couple in her mind. Despite the small bump with the way she introduced him to people, he thought maybe that meant she would be okay starting something with him. Honestly, he sometimes got the feeling that she did have feelings for him already and just didn’t realize what that meant yet. He’d learned that Ginger needed to have things pointed out to her plainly in order to understand, so maybe even this was that sort of situation. 

So, when his heat suddenly snuck up on him after years of being completely irregular, he’d figured what could be plainer than waving your dick around? 

Truthfully, he’d been a little worried that she’d freak out, but at the same time when you’re overcome with loving someone and extreme horniness you don’t make the best decisions. Thankfully, what had followed had been the best sex of his life. And even more amazing, she’d admitted that she loved him back. Him! She actually loved him even though he was a grumpy asshole most of the time and he knew it. But luckily for her, she always brought out his softer side and he’d do anything for her. 

He wanted to stay with her forever. To love her, mate her, see her belly swell with their children. To wipe her tears when she’s sad or comfort her when she’s worried. He wants to be there when she’s old and grey to remind her every day that she’s still beautiful. 

He still had a long way to go to be worthy of her, but he’d spend his whole life trying. 

****

It's a little short, I apologize. I've been working like crazy, but I am working on many more chapters for this as well as my other stuff. Lots of things in store for these kids. I just felt like we needed a peek into Yoongi's brain real quick.

#bts #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #hybrid!bts #hybrid #hybrid fanfiction #hybrid!yoongi #cat hybrid!yoongi #owner training #hybrids #ungnyeo