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janners · 1 year

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Forgive and Forget

Ao’nung x deaf!reader

warnings : little angst, Fluff, little bit of violence

wordcount : 9.9k

a/n : writing angst is so fun, but I also can’t write fluff for shit lol. Also bolded italics are when they are using sign language and just bolded is normal talking. Also I'm not good at coming up with titles, also not sure if I like this work sooo yea.

Being born into the family of Toruk Makto brings great joy for everyone. One problem, physical disabilities. Children turn to their mothers and fathers, for their comforting words and lullabies. But for you, you could only rely on touch and vibrations as your ears have been blessed with silence. Ever since you were born, you could not hear anything but muffled noises until it developed into silence.

Jake and Neytiri were stunned not knowing how to react as the great mother gifted them a child of tìkakpam(deafness). A child brought into a world of danger and curiosity who is at a disadvantage in many aspects. They brought you to Norm hoping that there was a way to assist you in any way. Normally hearing aids would be the answer but unfortunately the anatomy of a Na’vi is much different compared to a human.

Norm promised them that he would find some sort of solution.

As the years passed, the more you grew. Most of your life was within the village. Jake and Neytiri wanted you to be safe knowing that hearing is a big part of their lives when it comes to sensing things around them. Though for you, you felt as if you were a burden. Having to constantly be with someone at all times and not being able to explore with your siblings. You understood the dangers that lurk beyond the village lines, but only once did you want to experience what others experience.

Learning also took you a little longer compared to other kids around you. You didn’t have a way of communicating with anyone until Jake remembered that sign language existed. Working with Norm, they created Na’vi sign language for you to learn. As they slowly introduced the new language to you, the more eager you were to learn. A fast learner is what they saw you as. Just within a year of practising and learning, you were amazingly advanced for your age - or at least amongst humans as Norm put it.

Being 17, you were allowed to have a bit more freedom compared to when you were younger. Even if you couldn’t go out as far as the rest, you still had certain areas you were allowed to explore. You also passed your lknimaya with little effort, just like Kiri the Ikran chose you without wanting to kill you. It seemed as though the great mother gave both you and Kiri close connections to her. Your Ikran had a deep purple colour with delicate black, yellow, and light purple accents covering its body - her name being flefle.

You had a routine that you followed everyday. Wake up, stretch, eat, then head out to do your chores. Your chores only really consisted of joining the gathering group to collect plants and fruit for the clan, as well as training under Mo’at with Kiri. Though on special days, you get to teach children sign language hoping that a second language could be learned throughout the clan. The children adored you, being gentle and patient with them and even goofing off made them love you as a teacher.

Unfortunately, the one day you decided to go against your parents' rules was the day you’d get caught by uniltìrantokxolo'. It all started with Tuk complaining that Lo’ak wouldn’t take her with him to explore the forest. Tuk had ran up to you as you were weaving some baskets, she quickly signed “Lo’ak is being a meanie, he won’t take me with him to the forest with the others. Can you please tell him that he has to take me!”

You give her a small smile in amusement knowing how Lo’ak and Tuk are half the time. You put the half done basket done to sign back “TukTuk, you know it isn’t very safe in the forest especially when you are still my little baby sister” she could only pout knowing that you are right but she tried asking you once more “Please y/n, I’ll be safe I swear on Eywa plus Lo’ak is strong enough to protect us and if not then he must suck as a warrior” You huffed in delight, you told Tuk to stay put as you went to go talk to Lo’ak about it.

Walking towards him seeing as he is ready to go to the labs before embarking on his adventure with Kiri. You quickly clap to grab his attention, he turns to the noise - once he saw you he could only sigh, especially with Tuk trailing behind you. You gave him a head tilt with a knowing look, he could only roll his eyes knowing what this was about.

“Tuk what did I tell you about telling y/n?”

Tuk stuck her tongue out to Lo’ak hoping it would offend him. He scrunched his nose at her giving a disgruntled look. You walked in front of him, giving him a flick on his forehead and making sharp gestures after. “Are you trying to go exploring again? You know how father reacts when you do things like this especially sa’nok when you bring Spider with you”

He gave you a deadpanned look since his conversation happens every time he tries to go out and explore. “How come you don’t tell Kiri this?” feeling a little insulted (sarcastically) when you only talked to him about this. “Kiri knows her limits unlike your skxawng ass”

He could only make a mocking face with his mouth imitating your words. You rolled your eyes at him now. You turn to Kiri hoping that they’ll be safe. “Are you guys going to stay in the areas we are allowed to and not go to the prohibited areas?” Kiri gives a curt nod “I’ll try to, you know how Lo’ak gets' ' Before she finished her sentence an idea popped into her mind. “Why don’t you come with us for once?!” You only sigh. “Sempu and Sa’nok would not like that you know, I think you forgot about my rules that they’ve set for me”

Lo’ak watching the interaction between you two made him throw his hands in the air in exasperation. “Eywa, just come with us for once and not be a stick in the mud Tsmuke” You gave him an irritated look when he signed “stick in the mud” but he wasn’t wrong.

Tuk suddenly jumped up from her spot just now forming what they had said.

“Lo’ak pleeaasse convince y/n to come with us, that way she won’t have to worry about me”

He only groaned just wanting to leave now. “Just come with us y/n, just this one time before Tuk keeps complaining?” You gave him an unsure look knowing how your parents would react to you being out of the safety zones of the village. But you thought, only one time couldn’t hurt what’s the worst that could happen, right? Finally you gave in, Lo’ak content and Tuk cheering. You all walk off towards the lab to grab Spider - your relationship with Spider isn’t very existent since you don’t see him very often.

As you enter the lab, Lo’ak and Kiri go their own way as you head towards Norm and Max. Giving a quick hello to them, you walk closer to them curious on what they’re working on. Taking a closer look, you gave Norm a knowing glance, he had been working on a hearing aid equipped for Na’vi ears. You tap his shoulder “Uncle Norm, I have told you already that you do not need to do this for me. I feel bad that you are taking your time on just this.” Norm turns to you with a bleak look on his face. “Don’t feel bad, I want this for you, I want you to be able to experience what we hear in your beautiful home plus you are my niece, of course I would do this for you.”

Just before you could respond back, Tuk drags you away to the entrance doors. Waving Norm bye before Tuk could drag you any further. Going out you see the three of them waiting for you and Tuk. “Hello Spider” he gave you a small smile before signing "Hi” back. He didn’t mind you either, although he didn’t know much about you it seemed as though you didn’t judge him for what he is and he appreciated it. All of you were now venturing off into the dense forest. You follow closely behind Kiri as you weren’t as familiar to the paths like the rest. You snap your fingers to grab Lo’aks attention once more, “Where are we even going?” Giving you a mischievous grin he said “A surprise” which could only mean bad things knowing how he is.

Continuing to walk through the plants for a couple more minutes before Lo’ak made everyone stop. You bump into Kiri’s back giving her a questioning stare, she gestured you to crouch down to the ground. You weren’t as to why, you turned to see what Lo’ak was doing, making us stop suddenly. He was looking in a certain direction, you followed his gaze just to fall on an old abandoned shack. Oh no, the shack we’re not allowed to come to. You waddled over to Lo’ak giving him a slap on his back. “Are you crazy?” You made hurried movements with your hands to show that you were annoyed with him. “This area is prohibited to all of us”

He gave you an annoyed glance before talking with Spider. You threw your head back while plopping down onto the dirt below you. You signed to Kiri that this was a dumb idea. She could only agree. Just before you guys decided to leave, your brother found tracks in the mud. They were fairly large considering that it was a boot mark. “You don’t think it is uniltìrantokx do you?” Giving them a worried look while pulling Tuk closer to your body. Their ears folded down seeing as it may be the only thing that made those marks. Lo’ak quickly communicated to our father about our findings.

He gestured to all of us to go quickly and quietly back to the village. “Lo’ak is it Skypeople?”

He nods briefly, you felt upset at yourself for allowing this to happen. You hold Tuk and Kiris hands as you try to navigate back home. Abruptly Tuk was stolen out of your grasp by a dreamwalker. You tried reaching out to her desperately wanting to pull her back before another dreamwalker pulled you by your kuru. You let out a strangled noise, panic coursing through your body from the sudden shock. They kicked your legs to make you kneel, you see they rest being captured the same being done to them.

You watch as they start talking, not understanding a word coming from their mouths. Lo’ak talking as well and making a vulgar gesture to the uniltìrantokx. You couldn’t focus well, your breathing uneven, pupils shrinking in fear.

“Hey shut that girl up, her breathing is too loud for me to hear this boy”

“Got it colonel”

Someone grabbed your cheeks harshly making you look at them. They were spewing words out as if they were yelling. You panic more seeing that they were angry with you, not being able to respond. You close your eyes, shaking your head vigorously.

“LET HER GO YOU ASSHOLES, SHE’S DEAF SHE CAN’T UNDERSTAND YOU”

The grip on your face loosened, your panicked state still present. Your eyes shift to Lo’ak as he gestured to you to calm down. You tried to slow your breathing down as you continued to witness the interactions between your siblings and the dreamwalkers. As time passed it grew dark, waiting for your family to come help you all. You glance over to Tuk making sure she was okay, her ears suddenly perked. Watching as the rest of them seem alerted by something.

It was a blur really, you were on the ground, next thing you knew an arrow shot across hitting one of the avatars. Guns started shooting near you, the one time you were glad not to hear those scary machines. Not knowing what to do, Lo’ak ran to grab you off the ground. Finally reaching the dense trees and bushes for cover, he asked if you were okay. “I’m okay, are you alright though?” He gave you a small nod. Only a minute later everyone else had found the two of you. Relief washes over Jake and Neytiri's faces seeing everyone was unscathed.

It seemed as though they had gotten rid of all the uniltìrantokx. Your mother came to you with a worried look pulling you into a quick embrace before pulling back to give a stern face. “You were not allowed to be here, you were to stay in the village” You could only give her a downcasted face as you were in the wrong. Neytiri sighs knowing how hard this must’ve been on you. Giving you one more quick hug before following everyone else back home.

Raids continued for another week until the tawtute eventually left Pandora once more. Unfortunately, your father wanted to leave for both our and the clan's safety. It was like another nightmare, the only home you knew was now being left behind. You weren’t as upset compared to your siblings but it still hurt knowing that you had to leave everything behind.

Jake stepped down from the role of Olo’eyktan with a solemn look. Everyone slowly mounted their Ikrans preparing to take off. There wasn’t much to take with you unlike Tuk and her toys and trinkets. She was always able to lift the mood somehow. You put the rest of her things on your Ikran before seating yourself on Flefle. Your father had given a signal to finally take off, taking one last look at the people and the forest. You thought about many things while flying during the long hours. How will I nag Norm now? Will the reef people accept a Na’vi like you? Would you be outcasted? How will you be able to feel vibrations on sand or water? It has troubled you greatly not knowing if you will be able to feel vibrations.

After a couple more more hours you start to watch as the dark blue slowly turns into beautiful crystalline water. You admire the colourful coral decorating the reef before spotting Na’vi with a much lighter skin tone. You follow your father and the rest on to a small clearing on the sand to land. As you land, Na’vi starts to slowly surround your family with curious and questioning gazes. Jumping off your Ikran, you walk closer to Neteyam grabbing his arm. Two boys emerged from the crowd looking at your family. They walk around to the back studying your bodies.

You felt a lingering stare coming from behind. You look over your shoulder to catch the taller boy studying you the most. He realised you had caught him and averted his gaze to his friend beside him. He started talking but you couldn’t make out what they were saying. You turn to Neteyam asking what they were talking about, he told you not to worry too much about it. Giving him an unsure look you look back to your parents conversing with two other Na’vi. The Tsahik swiftly made her way towards you, she circled you and grabbed your tail while having an unimpressed look. You took your tail out of her grasp giving her a furrowed glance. She only looked at you with a squinted look before heading towards Lo’ak.

First impressions weren’t exactly the best, especially with your reaction. They had accepted your request of Uturu much to their dismay. Their daughter Tsireya, as Lo’ak told you, guided you all to your Mauri. You made them go ahead as you still needed to grab the last items from your Ikran. You wondered what Tuk had packed as it was heavy. Tossing things over your shoulder and carrying another on your back, you started to walk to catch up to your family. The boy from earlier saw you struggle, he tried calling you but no reply. Is she ignoring me on purpose? He gave up, annoyed with you not responding to him. Back with you, you finally caught up with your siblings. Settling into the Mauri you observe your brothers and sisters jumping into the water. You turn to your parents with doe eyes, wanting to join your siblings. They give each other a glance.

“Should we let her? I think it is safe enough in the reef to let her go, right?”

Neytiri took his words and contemplated whether to let you go or not. She did not want you getting hurt while wandering off but she also wanted to grant you freedom. She looked to where you were standing still waiting on their answer, she gave you a small smile.

“You may join them”

You gave her a toothy smile before joining your brothers and sisters. At the edge of the dock, you stare at the water, enamoured by its beauty. Lo’ak swam to you, “Are you allowed to come?” Smiling at him you nod. A small distance away, Tsireya asked Neteyam a question that she had in her mind since you guys got here.

“How do you all know sign language so well?”

Neteyam spun to face her, his mouth shaped as an O forgetting that they do not know about y/n.

“Our sister cannot hear you see, so we all learned sign language together to be able to talk with each other”

Her eyes widened with the fact that you were deaf but also impressed with their language skills. Of course Ao’nung could not hear Neteyam talk about you, too busy with daydreaming while waiting for everyone to join.

You dip your feet into the warm water before slowly emerging the rest of your body into the ocean. The water was soothing, helping with the aching muscles you had. You follow Lo’ak to join the others. As everyone emerged into the ocean, it was like a whole new world beneath the surface. You wandered off on our own just like Kiri, you admired every little detail of the coral and other aquatic plants surrounding you. Small unique looking fish started to swim around you. A look of amazement graced your features from the colourful fish and their behaviour. Eyes following their movement before they swam away.

It seemed as though your brothers could not hold their breaths for much longer. They all surfaced not seeing me or Kiri with them. Ao’nung ducked back into the water, he saw you far from the group swimming by yourself. He couldn’t help but see a breathtaking scene before him. You spun around to see where the others were, instead you met the boy's eyes. Feeling a little flustered you sent him a small wave, but all he returned was nothing while he went back up to the surface. Ears folding down, you felt a little dejected from the actions but focused back on the different world around you.

You had gotten out of the water much sooner than the others. A cut was on your arm from the corals being too immersed with your surroundings. Heading to the healing Mauri, you took quiet steps to the entrance, knocking on the side to grab the Tsahik’s attention. She looked up seeing you with blood running down your arm. Waving you over to sit, you were quick to sign an apology. Ronal looked at you with an odd expression. “You know sign?” Giving a curt nod, “I was born with tìkakpam” Eyes widening for a second before coming closer to you to inspect your cut. Placing a paste of mixed plants and herbs onto your arm before wrapping it with leaves. “Do not get this wet until the cut has been sealed” You smile “Irayo” You stood up to leave until you felt a hold on your hand, it was the Tsahik. Ronal had some remorse towards the girl despite their differences. “How would you feel about teaching the young children sign language? I heard from your mother that you did some teaching but I did not know what it was until now.”

You felt the tight feeling in your chest loosen a tiny bit. “I would love to.” To your surprise the Tsahik gave you a smile who was now shooing you off to continue your exploring. You felt a bit down due to not being able to swim for the time being but you shook the feeling off, striding to the shore. You slowly walk while water rises to tickle your feet, from a distance you see the same boy from earlier throwing spears into the sand. You walk towards him, you grab a stick from the sand and gently tap the tree near you. Ao’nung was slightly startled, missing his target. He turned to prepare to cuss someone out but immediately stopped as his eyes landed on you.

Eyes curving into a moon shape as you smiled and waved at him. There was a slight flutter in his chest seeing you. He wasn’t sure why he was feeling this way, he barely knew you.

“What are you doing here?”

You squint at his moving mouth, you picked up on what he said. “I was just walking until I stumbled upon you throwing the spears” He tilted his head, not understanding why you were using that language. Seeing his confused face, you completely forgot that he must’ve not heard about you. You quickly sign once more “oh sorry, I don't know if anyone told you but I am deaf” You gave him a gummy smile, he felt a bit guilty not knowing especially when he had tried calling out to you a few times. He walked closer to you, “I’m sorry, I haven’t introduced myself properly yet, I am Ao’nung” You look up to meet his gaze, he was quite tall for his age. “Nice to meet you Ao’nung, My name is y/n.” Y/n? A pretty name. He had thought.

You spent the rest of your time with Ao’nung. He’s shown you most of the island and told you about some traditions they do. You guys compare your traditions, competing with which is better. Some small banter here and there. Walking along the docks you spot these adorable creatures in the water. “What kind of creatures are those?” Your eyes glimmered in admiration. A small chuckle escaped Ao’nung’s lips, “These are called Ilu, very kind creatures they are.” Smile widening, you look into his eyes asking if it was okay to touch them just with your face. To him, you looked like an overexcited child receiving their first spear, he could only grin at the sight. He gave you the go ahead with a small nod. The Ilu swam up closer to the dock as you crouched down and reached your hand out.

It felt much more different from what you expected. The Ilu were very smooth and slippery, slightly rubbery. Your tail swinging back and forth, you look back up to Ao’nung with a determined face. “Can you teach me to ride one?” He gave you a surprised look, “Well I planned on teaching you all the next morning…” You stood swiftly grabbing both his hands, your face full of eagerness. He couldn’t resist and gave in. “Fine, but you better show off how good of a teacher I am tomorrow when I teach your siblings” You throw your hands up, victorious in convincing him. Immediately your mood dampened, you looked down to your arm, ah the cut. “Sorry Ao’nung, It seems that I’ve forgotten about my injury. I cannot get it wet.” Your face is apologetic.

Studying his face, he appeared a little disappointed. “It’s alright, once your arm is healed up I will teach you then.” Giving you a gentle smile. Alas, someone saw the scene, that person being Tsireya. She was ecstatic seeing her brother having a soft spot for you. Tsireya then saw you guys part ways for the day, just as you went out of view she ran up to her brother with the widest grin.

“You like her don’t you!?”

He was stunned by the sudden appearance of his younger sister. Heat filled his cheeks swatting his sister away.

“W-what are you talking about? Me, liking her? That is nonsense.”

Tsireya put her hand on her hip giving him the most unbelieving look she could give him.

“Your cheeks say otherwise brother”

“Bah, this is none of your business anyways. Plus I could say the same when you were looking at the forest boy”

A smug expression replacing his flustered one. Tsireya now he one who is flustered from the sudden mention of the one brother. She smacked his arm as hard as she could.

“OW, you did not have to hit me that hard women”

She could only roll her eyes. They both head on back to their Mauri constantly bickering along the way.

The felt someone shaking you gently, you awaken rubbing your eyes and letting out a long yawn. You turn to see who woke you, your mother. She ushered you over to eat, you took a seat beside Tuk who was munching away. You ruffle her braids while signing good morning. Neytiri gently tapped the floor grabbing your attention, feeling the small vibrations you lift your head. Your mother signed about the talk you had with Ronal. “I heard that you are to teach the young ones sign?” You give her a soft smile, “Yes, the Tsahik assigned me to be a teacher after hearing that I was a teacher back home. I am quite excited” Neytiri huffed out air in content seeing her daughter settling well to the changes. “I hope you are ready then, the Tsahik told me to tell you to meet her at her Mauri today after you finish eating” Nodding, your attention back on eating thrilled for today’s events.

You wave your mother off as you head to the Mauri with a little skip to your walk. Finally reaching your destination, you see the Tsahik patiently waiting for your arrival. As you greet her, Ronal’s face softens from her usual hardened look. “Are you ready for your first day?” You nod energetically, excited to see what it was like to teach metkayina children. Both of you reach a small secluded area, just before you could take another step you spot a boy about your age waiting there. “This is Fänau, he will help you with the young as they are only beginners, he will translate for them.” You open your mouth in understanding. “The parents should come in a few minutes to drop their children off, have fun” Giving you one last smile she waves you off.

You walk to Fänau wanting to introduce yourself and get to know him a bit better before lessons start. “Hello, my name is y/n I hope we can work well together” You give him a kind smile. “I am Fänau as Tsahik mentioned, I am excited to work with you.”

Ao’nung was doing his morning chores. As he was carrying some baskets before he spotted his mother and you walking together. Suspicious, he followed behind them to see what they were doing. They stopped in a small area, he squinted his eyes to see what his mother was saying. First day? For what? Then he spotted Fänau, watching you two interact made him feel irritated. His mood was now spoiled, walking away with tight fists.

The first lesson was amazing, the children were amazing despite only knowing a few basic signs. You were radiating happiness as you passed a few members of the clan, you couldn't even be bothered by the stares you were getting. Walking to the shore, you remembered that your siblings were learning to ride Ilus today. Increasing your speed you finally spot them in the water getting ready to ride. You crouch to sit and watch them learn since your cut hasn’t fully healed yet.

Neteyam noticed your figure from a distance, he waves nice and high. Seeing you wave back made him chuckle. Ao’nung took a glimpse of you, you really were pretty in the sun. He felt a nudge in his side, turning just to see Lo’ak giving him a death stare.

“Stop ogling my sister fish lips”

“Who said I was looking at your sister?”

He looked away immediately trying to shield faint blush. Lo’ak gave him a dirty look not believing what he’s seeing right now. He slowly walks to Tsireya still giving Ao’nung a warning look. You continue to watch your siblings learn, chuckling to yourself as you saw Lo’ak fall off his Ilu. But your gaze trailed to Ao’nung who was also laughing, who knew one could look nice when they are laughing like that. Waving your hands frantically trying to wave those thoughts away. You must’ve thought you were crazy for thinking that way.

As they finish up their lessons, Kiri makes her way to you with a content smile. “The ocean is so beautiful” You smile agreeing with Kiri, the only thing missing is hearing the water and waves. How you wish you could hear it. Everyone had dispersed doing their own things, except you and Kiri. You stayed where you guys were, admiring the nature around you while Kiri was admiring the sand in the water. You caught a glimpse of figures moving from the corner of your eye. It was Ao’nung and a few other boys talking to Kiri. Your head tilted to the side wondering what they needed Kiri for. Brows furrowing see the discomfort on your sister's face. Standing from the sand, you walk over and grab Kiri’s hand and look towards Ao’nung. “Is there something you need from Kiri?” Ao’nung faltered seeing you appear beside Kiri.

Instead of him signing to you he talks once more to Kiri. You catch the word freak coming from his mouth. You give him a hurt expression, you press your hand against his chest to put space between him and your sister. Just before you could say anything else Lo’ak comes onto the scene taking your hand away from Ao’nung. Neteyam then came along to relieve the tension between the two boys. Only a second later, literally a second, a fight broke out. While Kiri was laughing, you had a horrified expression on your face. You walk up to Ao’nung pulling on his tail to get him off your brother. In a blink of an eye, you felt pressure against your check making you fall back.

Everyone froze in place. First person to move was Kiri helping you off the ground asking if you were okay. You didn’t reply, you only looked at Ao’nung with a crestfallen look taking over your features. Before more punches could break out, your fathers came to the scene quickly pulling everyone apart. Ao’nung tried reaching out to you before being pulled away by his father. Your father left you with Ronal to help the bruise that is forming on your cheek. “Thank you for the paste Tsahik '' She shook her head, “You do not need to thank me, I swear to eywa if my son does something like this again so help me” You chuckle quietly seeing Ronal worked up over her son. “Also there is no need to call me Tsahik, just call me Ronal '' Her face is gentle as she continues to rub paste on your cheek. You were beaming now being on a first name basis with the Tsahik.

As the sun sets and the moon rises, you carefully take off the leaves surrounding your arm. The cut was finally sealed up, a smile graced your features knowing you can go into the water once more. The smile faded watching your brothers and sisters come into the Mauri with both annoyed and upset looks. “What is wrong? Did something happen again?” Neteyam could only sigh, “Ao’nung took Lo’ak outside the reef and basically left him for dead” Your expression etched into anger, not knowing why Ao’nung would do this. Kiri looked a little surprised as it was rare for you to get mad.

Standing up with anger radiating off your body, you stride towards Ao’nungs Mauri tail whipping around in frustration. Reaching the entrance you give the Olo’eyktan and Ronal a quick greeting. You didn’t meet the eyes of Ao’nung as you signed to Ronal. “I'm sorry to disturb you Ronal, but may I talk to your son” She took in your stiff posture and expression, the corner of her mouth perking up a little before giving you a brief nod. She found it quite amusing that her son was about to earn another lecture from someone else, especially from you.

Ao’nung hesitated with following you out, not ready for what you have to say. Finding a small spot on the sand you finally turn to meet his nervous gaze. Your stern face changed to sorrow. “Why?” He knew exactly what you were talking about but like a skxawng he played dumb. “What do you mean?” Frustration growing once more, you punch his chest. “You first called us freaks and then left my brother to die outside the reef” Your gestures were sharp and quick showing your bitterness. He only looked down knowing what he did was extremely wrong. You huff air from your nose in disbelief, you thought he was nice but you thought wrong. You made him look at you once more. “Not only that, if my siblings are freaks, then what am I? I have the same features of those tawtute and I cannot hear. Does that make me a monstrosity compared to everyone else?”

Not once did Ao’nung feel that way. You were one of the most gorgeous Na’vi he’s ever seen. He wished he could say those to you but he was still silent. Tears well up in your eyes, your head hung low. “To think that one person wouldn’t judge me apart from my family. I really thought we could’ve been friends Ao’nung maybe even a little bit more than that” Again silence, you took it as a sign that Ao’nung wouldn’t change. Ao’nung was frozen in place, not being able to comprehend what you signed. You wanted something more? Just as he lifted his head to look at you, your body was already walking away from his figure. He wanted to reach out, he really did, but he stayed in place not wanting to make matters worse.

You make it back to the Mauri and sit right beside your mom. Head leaning into her side, tears now falling freely accompanied with small sniffles. Neytiri wanted to ask what had happened but thought it was best to comfort her daughter with her warm touch. She brought you closer into her body as you continued to cry quietly. Neytiri started to hum your waytelem hoping you could feel the vibrations from her chest. The soft murmurs from your mothers body calmed you, you felt your body slowly falling into slumber. In time you fall asleep completely, Neytiri picks up your small figure and puts you onto your mat and gently drapes a thin cover over you.

Jake looked at Neytiri with a concerned look. They knew that moving somewhere away from the forest would come with difficulties. It was a small given that the children would be seen differently due to their different appearances. He contacted Norm and asked about his little project for you. His throat felt parched hearing that Norm had almost figured it out. Norm mentioned that in another week or two it could be ready for use. Jake sighed in relief, you would finally be able to experience the sounds of their stunning world. Looking over to your peaceful frame, he could only worry because you were his first daughter and he knows how much you’ve been through.

Days have passed, you’ve gone everyday to teach the children along with your new friend Fänau. You have also been ignoring Ao’nung because you weren’t ready to face him. Ever since that day, you haven’t really given yourself the time to learn how to ride and explore more of the ocean. Fänau was walking by your side after finishing the lesson for today. You turn to him with a cheeky smile, “Have you gotten the chance to talk with Zoprrì?” giving him a small nudge with your hip. His face flushed with purple and gave you a small smack on your arm. “Do not tease me. I tried but I fumbled over my words and ran” Fänau buried his face in his hands in embarrassment. You bring your hand up to his shoulder for comfort. “You still have lots of time, he will definitely see how awesome you are Fänau” You give him your widest smile with a small thumbs up. He could only release a small laugh at your silly gestures.

It was his turn to give you a teasing smile. “How’s Ao’nung?” You give him a deadpan expression. “You know damn well how he is, I did not rant to you two days ago just for you to ask that dumb question” He chuckled, “He is like a lovesick puppy, he keeps trying to find you” You roll your eyes as you cross your arms, then releasing with sharp movements. “Lovesick? Lovesick my ass, if he really did then he would not have called us freaks' ' Fänau found it amusing when you started ranting, but he knows that you would not budge from the idea of avoiding Ao’nung. “He is going to keep trying to talk to you until you finally give in” Eyes squinting at him, you slowly sign “I won’t give in, watch me” He pursed his lips then released a long sigh. “You will, I know you are still upset with him but you will have to talk with him eventually especially when you live here now” Your ears face down, he was right but Ao’nung did not deserve your friendship right now. Both of you continue to walk discussing random topics.

Ao’nung once again had gone in search of you. He desperately wanted to apologise, he did not want to lose you. He searched throughout the village but you made no appearance. Realisation took over his features that you must’ve been teaching right now during this time. Walking to the area, he thought of many ways to somehow start the conversation once he finally has the chance. Just on time, the lesson had just finished but he paused his movements. He saw you walk away with Fänau. Twinge of jealousy pricks his heart seeing the two side by side. Instead of walking away, he followed the two of you making sure not to make a sound. He was too far to see what you were discussing with him, he moved in closer hiding behind the trees. He read your movements and got to the part where you mentioned him calling you freaks. Guilt washed over his body, it was his fault for saying those foul things.

He studied your expression, it was full of annoyance and a tinge of sadness. Ao’nung did not want you to feel upset with him. An idea popped into his head, gifts. Remembering that his sister was skilled in making accessories. Leaving the scene, he ran with determination towards his family Mauri. Today was an off day for them, entering the Mauri he spots his sister already working on some small trinkets and bracelets.

“Tsireya?”

She looked up from her work seeing her brother standing awfully awkwardly.

“Did you need something Ao’nung?”

He wasn’t sure why he was feeling shy for asking a small favour from his younger sister. Fiddling with his fingers he opened his mouth just to close it again. He felt frustrated with himself for not being able to get the words out. He let out a groan, looking straight at Tsireya once more before he blurted out.

“Can you help me make stuff for Y/n…”

Her eyes were blown wide before she beamed with delight. Scrambling up to stand, she ran up to her brother pulling him towards her working area. Tsireya pushed down on his shoulders forcing him to sit, but did it a bit too hard making him fall hard on his butt. He let out a small yelp, giving his sister a stunned look. Letting out a small sorry before she sat next to him with a look of curiosity.

“What exactly did you want to make for her? A charm? Bracelet? A beautiful top? Hair decor? Cute trinkets?”

He cut her off by smacking his hand on her mouth to stop her from rambling. She was getting too excited for his liking. Pinching his nose bridge he came up with an idea.

“I was hoping to give her a variety of things until she finally lets me talk to her. I thought we would start with an accessory for her ears seeing she has a hole in her ear”

Tisreya looked at her brother full of admiration. She was grateful that you were able to change Ao’nungs foul behaviour. She shuffled closer to Ao’nung showing him a variety of pieces that they could use to start this earring. He knew that you usually wore feathers but they didn’t really have those. Some scales caught his eye, they were shiny and in the light they reflected with a beautiful orange and yellow colour.

“Do you think I could mend these together and shape it?”

He picked the scales up showing them to Tsireya. She squinted her eyes while staring at the scales in thought. A solid nod, he exhaled not knowing he was holding his breath for her approval. Hours went by as Ao’nung was a bit difficult to teach especially when snarky remarks were being tossed back and forth. Tsireya constantly smacks his hand when he does something wrong after being told repeatedly not to do that. Or he groans in frustration while dropping the earring flopping backwards onto his back. Tsireya could only give him apathetic looks. Through all of that they finally finish the set of earrings made for you. They both release a sigh of content before falling back at the same time.

“You plan to do this how often Ao’nung?”

“...every night”

She sits up so quickly, almost giving herself whiplash. Looking at Ao’nung with a gaping mouth and furrowed look.

“AND YOU SAID YOU DIDN’T LIKE HER”

“WHAT DOES MAKING STUFF FOR HER MAKE YOU THINK I LIKE HER?”

Tsireya looked at him like he was crazy. She threw her hands up in exasperation while huffing out.

“HAH, YOU’RE BASICALLY COURTING HER YOU SKXAWNG”

He choked on his words, courting? He gave his sister a flabbergasted expression.

“I’m leaving, I can't stand this conversation anymore. I need to go drop the earrings off”

Tsireya mocked him as he walked away heading towards your family's Mauri. As he’s walking, he looks down to the earrings in his hands. Thoughts run through his mind, Will she like them? Will she throw it away? Will she wear it? Distracted by his thoughts he didn’t realise that he had reached the Mauri. He started fidgeting with his creation worried that you may be there. Just before he took another step, Neteyam had stepped out of the Mauri. He turned his head, catching Ao’nung in his line of vision. His once relaxed face turned stiff. Ao’nung grew nervous seeing your brother walk slowly towards him.

“What are you doing here Ao’nung”

His voice is firm and demanding.

“I was uh, was wondering if I could give this to y/n?”

He held out his hand to reveal the delicate handcraft. Neteyam looked puzzled, not understanding why. He could see some flaws in his craft as he tried to shape it into a feather look and the weaving looked a little messy. He gently took the earrings from Ao’nungs hand making sure to handle it carefully. Ao’nung shoulders dropped in relief that Neteyam accepted his request.

“I cannot assure you that she will forgive you with this”

Ao’nungs expression grew grim.

“I know, but I will keep trying”

Neteyam looked at him with a pleased face. He was glad that someone was willing to try for you. Many men in their past clan didn’t make many advances towards you due to your deafness. Seeing that there was someone here making an effort provided him some peace. He bids Ao’nung off, entering the Mauri he trudged to your hunched over figure. He taps his foot beside you, catching your attention. “A certain boy came by '' Your ears pointed down, turning away from him, focusing back on your basket weaving. He sighed, he went and sat in front of you. “You know you cannot avoid him forever. I know he said some upsetting things but all of us have now become a bit acquainted for the most part” You stop your moving hands, lifting your head to meet his stare. “Yes you guys have but not me. I am not ready to face him yet.” Neteyam pursed his lips, he took one of your hands and placed the earrings gently in your palm. “He came by to give you these, you can tell he made them” You bring your hands closer to your body, studying the accessory. The beautiful colours resembled your actual feathered earrings except these were shiny and reflective. You noticed the small cravings on the side trying to resemble the feather details. Your lips curled into a faint smile.

Neteyam noticed and smiled, he gave you a small ruffle on your head before heading out once more. As he left, you got up from your spot and walked over to your space. You had a small trinket box where you stashed away your things. Carefully placing the earrings into the box, you look at it once more before closing. You pondered why he had given you a set of earrings. Continuing your basket weaving, you stayed in thought about the different possibilities on why until the sky grew dark.

As a few more days passed, everyday Neteyam or Lo’ak would give you something made by Ao’nung much to Lo’aks dismay. Each item was beautifully made even though there are some small mistakes you can spot out. The other day, Neteyam had brought in a delicate top covered in intricate designs. Tsireya definitely helped him with that. Your mother had told you that there was a big celebration tonight and wanted you to join. She knew you weren’t big on these types of things but thought it would be nice for you to join in one every once in a while.

The celebration was nearing, you thought long and hard about what you should wear. You look towards the collection of accessories that Ao’nung gifted you. You missed Ao’nung, but you were scared to approach him. You took this chance to wear everything he made for you as a sign of forgiveness. Putting on the bracelets, the earrings, neck pieces, and the beautiful top. Lo’ak had walked in to grab something but saw you wearing Ao’nungs “ugly” creations. He gave you a furrowed look with his eyes peering at you. “You’re really gonna wear his things?” He saw you give him a brief nod. He could only sigh, “If he tries anything tonight don’t hesitate to grab me okay?” Smiling, you gave him another nod for reassurance.

Heading to the main gathering area, you feel deep vibrations under your feet as you come closer to the celebration. You see bright lights from the fires illuminating the entire ground accompanied by the shining moon. You move your head to see your father talking to somebody, they turned their head a bit and you realised that it was Norm. You missed him dearly, you carefully snuck up behind him before jumping on his back. You felt his body jolt, he turned to see your extremely happy face. He gave you a tight embrace before pulling away. Your face changed from happy to confused. “How come you are here uncle?” Seeing those words he gave you a toothy smile. “I finally figured out the hearing aid situation” Eyes widening with tears slowly forming on your bottom lashes. “This isn’t a joke is it?” He gave you another smile while shaking his head. You jumped into his arms once more as tears were finally released from your eyes.

“Do you want to test them right now, see if you can hear the music?” You nod vigorously as you wipe your tears away. Norm carefully picked up the wooden box and opened them to reveal the small hearing aids. He gently placed them into your ears adjusting the sizing to fit. Putting on the lowest level of volume, he turns them on. You weren’t sure how to react, emotions were everywhere. Ears twitching to the small sounds around you, the people chatting, the crackling of the fire, the booming music. Tears welled in your eyes once more, you turned to Norm, ramming into him giving him another hug as your cry in his chest.

“How do you feel kiddo?”

Your eyes widened at his voice, “I can hear you, I can actually hear you” He chuckled lightly as tears threatened his vision as well. You quickly turn to your father, you run to him and grab his arms. “Sempu try talking”

“Nga yawne lu oer Ma’ite”

His voice sounded more fatherly than you thought it was. Deep voice with raspy undertones. You lean into his body, overwhelmed with joy. You grab the rest of your siblings and your mother to hear all their voices. As a family you shared your tears of happiness, you finally felt normal.

Ao’nung and Tsireya arrived late due to Ao’nung worrying too much about his appearance and Tsireya constantly reassured him that he looked fine. As they joined the clan they head towards their parents first notifying their presence. He noticed his mother with a smile on her face while looking in a certain direction. He followed her gaze stopping on you, you were dancing with your younger sister Tuk. His eyes open like saucers seeing you decorated with all his creations. Purple hues appear on his cheeks and ears as he continues watching you dance with such positive energy radiating from you. Tsireya smirked, elbowing his ribs.

“Go. Ask her to dance with you”

He swallows his saliva in nervousness. He couldn’t take his eyes off you.

“Do you think she’ll say yes?”

Tsireya laughs lightly.

“I’m sure she will, plus she’s wearing all your things”

Ao’nung begins walking towards your dancing frame. His cheeks still warm as he watches you dance with such grace and freedom. As he got closer, you noticed him coming to you. You stopped dancing and signed to Tuk to go to Kiri. Once he was standing right in front of you he couldn’t muster a single word. You watched as he stood silent, you were hoping he would say something but nothing came out. A small pang of disappointment filled your chest. You turn to walk away until his hand grabs your arm. You move your head slightly just to see him out of the corner of your eye. “Would you like to dance with me?” Eyes widening from the question. You give him a shy nod trying to avoid his gaze. He guided you near the centre, softly grabbing your other hand. You felt weird being in the middle of everything, you kind of wish you were back dancing on the sidelines.

Ao’nung sensed your slight discomfort, so he decided to dance first. He did a couple moves here and there, a few being a little silly to make you more comfortable. You finally are confident enough to start dancing as well. You moved swiftly and rhythmically to the beat. Ao’nungs movement falters, watching you fall into the music once more. He was slightly confused not knowing how you knew the rhythm so easily. But he forgot about it immediately as you grabbed his hand pulling him closer to you.

From afar both pairs of parents watch as their children enjoy their night. Neytiri settled beside Ronal while watching her son and her own daughter dance together. “They seem good,” Ronal smiled, agreeing with Neytiri.

“Your daughter is a very bright girl despite the difficulties she faces”

Neytiri watched you with a gentle expression.

“She is isn’t she”

An idea surfaced in Ronals mind, she was sure it would stun Neytiri.

“How would you feel about me teaching her the ways of a healer? I know my daughter is the next Tsahik but I think it would be good if y/n learned about healing”

She whips her head to face Ronal with shock. Neytiri knew you weren’t much of a hunter or warrior so healing made sense.

“You would do that for her?”

Ronal nods.

“Anything for a future daughter”

Ronal hid her laughter seeing Neytiris reaction. Both mothers had become close over the couple weeks. The celebration had slowed down, everyone settling into chatting amongst themselves while their children ran around. Few decide to eat niktsyey as well and enjoy their drinks. You and Ao’nung decided to settle down as well, sitting with the rest of the chaotic group. Ao’nung sat close to you but without Lo’ak giving him the dirty eye. He shifted a tiny bit closer to you just to get on Lo’aks nerves. As for you, you were fidgeting with your fingers while watching the children play with each other. A small group of children you recognised as some of your students. They pulled your arms wanting you to play with them. You sign to Ao’nung quickly saying you’d be back before getting dragged away by the kids.

He watches you as you run around with the children chasing you and one on your back. Ao’nung felt as if he was on cloud nine just observing you getting along with the kids so well. He knew you would make a great mother someday. Rotxo nudged him teasingly.

“You definitely like her, can’t deny it now”

He swats Rotxos hand away, giving him a small hum. Not once has he taken his eyes off you, you looked amazing in his crafts and he felt proud. Lo’ak had thrown a pebble at his head but he didn’t even notice, too entranced with his sister. You finally wave to the children off before sitting beside Ao’nung once more. The rest of the night was filled with talking and laughter especially because of Lo’aks and Ao’nungs bickering with each other. You haven’t told Ao’nung about your new hearing aids, wanting to wait to be alone to finally have an actual conversation with each other. But throughout the night you kept increasing the volume as you get used to the sounds. You heard what Ao’nung sounded like but not clearly due to the other chatter around you.

As everyone slowly starts to head back to their Mauris, you took Ao’nungs hand and guide him to the shoreline. He was a little confused but followed you anyway. As you reach the shore, gently bring him down to sit with you. You make your body face him, you look into his ocean eyes that are shining in the moonlight. “I forgive you” You watch as his eyes widen and a smile settles on his lips. “You do?” Giving him a gummy smile you nod briefly. His expression dropped just a little, “I’m sorry for saying those cruel things, and for not saying anything. I don’t think you’re a freak, you are unique and beautiful. I’m sorry for making fun of your siblings as well, the silent treatment was well deserved for me.” Grabbing his hand, you give him a look of compassion. “All is forgiven and forgotten okay? It is alright now” Giving him a wide grin you quickly sign, “Can you say my name with your actual voice?” Ao’nung gave you a puzzled expression but went along.

“Y/n?”

Your smile widened, eyes turning in crescent moon shapes. “You have a lovely voice” He blinked a few times not understanding how you heard him. Seeing him confused you exhale in amusement. You slowly remove the headpiece that was covering the hearing aids. You turn your head to the side to show him the small device. Ao’nung tilted his head still confused on what the device has to do with your hearing, especially when he doesn’t understand tawtute machinery. You chuckle at his expression, “My uncle made this device to help me hear, it took many long years to perfect for me. But I can finally hear everything… even you.” Ao’nung felt his cheeks and ears warm up from your comment from earlier about liking his voice. His tail wagging unintentionally behind him.

“No wonder you were dancing beautifully to the music”

This time your cheeks were set aflame hearing his gentle voice and compliment. You buried your face in the palms of your hands feeling embarrassed. As you try to avoid his gaze, he feels happy knowing he had an effect on you. He gently caresses your hands, bringing them down to his lap. Ao’nung gazes into your golden eyes that seem to light up in the dark. Studying your face, the glowing specks, your unique striping and your soft lips. Mustering up his courage, he slowly leans in, inching closer and closer to your face. Your eyes flutter closed anticipating the possible kiss. Feeling his hand on the side of your cheek, the soft touch of his lips finally connect with yours. The kiss was gentle yet passionate under the moonlight. The nervous feeling in your system vanished as the kiss lasted longer. Pulling away to catch your breaths, you look into each other’s eyes before breaking out into quiet laughter. Purple hues still visible on your cheeks.

Sitting together in silence, bodies facing the ocean with your tails entangled. Listening to the waves crashing against each other, and the animals chittering through the night. Head resting against his shoulder and his head resting on top of yours. You felt at peace slowly dozing off to the sounds of Ao’nungs breathing. Ao’nung peaked at your face, a small smile forming on his lips thinking, how did I get so lucky?

Years passed, you became an experienced healer assisting Tsireya with her continued Tsahik studies. As well as continuing teaching the small children sign. Ao’nung became a strong warrior, earning multiple markings. Not only that, you became mates. Ever since that night, both of you were inseparable. Ronal adored you, more than Ao’nung or so he said. Your brothers also become strong warriors within the clan. Lo’ak followed the Metkayinas ways as Neteyam continued the Omatikaya ways. Kiri and Tuk both joined the gathering groups although Tuk was training to be a warrior. Ao’nung was also able to finally give you those Ilu lessons which went wonderfully apart from distracting each other. As Fänau, he finally got together with Zoprrì. Both of you were still close friends, much to Ao’nungs disagreement. Everything was finally in place.

#aonung x reader #sully family x reader #aonung #tsireya #loak sully #neteyam sully #kiri sully #tuktirey #jake sully #neytiri #ronal #tonowari #avatar the way of water #avatar 2 #aonung x you #aonung x y/n #aonung x sully!reader

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five-bi-five-mind · 7 months

Note

Hey 🤭

I have a really dirty JJ request 🤭🤭🤭

Dom!JJ x sub!f reader

With a corruption kink, reader being younger and “innocent” but eager to please lmao

JJ wearing a strap-on, rough sex, degradation (some consensual slut shaming) and praise kinks and reader calling JJ ma’am/mistress/mommy (your choice) ❤️

Aim To Please

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Pairing: Jennifer Jareau x fem!reader

Genre: Smut

Words: 7.1k+

Summary: JJ was in a really bad mood and everything around her just seemed to fuel that fire. So, when you said you wanted to help with it, you didn't expect the request she made.

Warnings: dom/sub dynamics; dom!JJ, sub!r; oral (r giving); face-fucking; oral on a strap (r giving); strap-on (r receiving); rough sex; mommy kink; corruption kink; degradation; praise; cum eating; name calling; light spanking... let me know if I forgot something there was a lot going on in this fic

A/N: As you can tell... I'm bad at summaries but I think I got every one of your requests in there lol

Today was not her day. Everything was angering her. She was dealing with a stack of paperwork to close up a case that just pissed her off in general.

To top all of that off, she was running on way too little sleep. Her attempt to get good coffee was thwarted by a line that would’ve made her late. There were way too many people trying to reach her for things that, frankly, weren’t her problem right now. Even when the hours she had planned to be in her office at the BAU ended she still wasn’t done with the massive pile of paperwork she had.

While she should be off work, instead she came straight home just to go into her personal office and keep working. At least the kids were with Will this week, that way she had some quiet and no distractions from all the work she still had left. It was really putting her in a bad mood that she couldn’t just kick back and relax like she wanted to.

Her bad mood only soured more when she realized she had messed up and left the hard drive she needed to work from home in her office. She really did not want to take any more of her evening to run back out and get it. But could she afford to put all of this paper work off? No, she really couldn’t. Then, not only would it eat into her evening off, but it would take up even more evenings she desperately needed for herself. The fact that she had no way to relax right now or let off some of this steam from her bad mood was making her even more frustrated with herself.

There had to be some solution that wouldn’t lose her too much time. She sat back on her chair, her hands covering her eyes as she tried to push past her frustration and brainstorm solutions. Her mind was too fixated on the day for her to think very clearly, but then she remembered the biggest cause of her bad mood and why she was so easily irritated by everything. Finally, an idea came to her.

Her hand reached for her phone on the desk and she immediately sent out a text.

You were two seconds away from heading out of the BAU yourself when you got her message. “Bring me my hard drive in the top drawer” was the first message you received from JJ. The second was her address. There was no please, there were no other details. She didn’t indicate that you could wait and give it to her later or that she cared that it was time for your work day to end. It was implied that you needed to go to her place now. You groaned when you saw the message. Today was long and you had plans. Looks like you’d have to postpone.

JJ didn’t even feel bad about the demanding text she sent. You were an intern after all, it was your job to be available for the team. It was in the job description, you should expect it. Plus, you were the cause of half of her frustration today. Even though there were other interns, she specifically chose you for that reason.

See the thing is, you drove her a little bit crazy. When you started at the BAU she was instantly drawn to you. Your smile was so contagious and the way you happily helped with JJ and others on the team was endearing to her. You were just so eager to be part of the BAU, even if you were just another intern. The way you starkly contrasted the nature of the work the team saw every day with your bright and bubbly personality was a breath of fresh air. JJ loved the way you seemed so innocent. Soon into your internship, all she could think about was taking that innocent spirit of yours all for herself.

She thought you were aware of this wanting. In all honesty, she wasn’t exactly subtle with the way she looked at you all day every single day you two worked together. She thought you noticed the way she practically undressed you with her eyes. The obliviousness you showed towards it, in her mind, had to be an act. Part of a little game of cat and mouse that you two played. Apparently, after today, she was wrong.

There were definitely some interns JJ didn’t care for. One of them was a cocky young man who was way too self-centered and charming. No doubt he got this internship at the BAU with the money his daddy had. What earned him negative points in JJ’s book was the way he flirted with everyone else. If one girl rejected him, he’d brush it off and move onto the next. He’d do that even if a girl didn’t reject him too. JJ was worried about the day he decided to pursue you too and apparently just had to be today.

She really thought you’d tell him off or tell her to tell him off. Why she thought that, she wasn’t sure. It was very much not in your kind nature. But the thing is, JJ thought you two had an understanding that the only person to openly flirt with you in the BAU was her. Now, she realized you didn’t even know she was flirting and to make things worse, if you knew this man was flirting, you didn’t seem to care.

He followed you around like a damn puppy. JJ thought the same display of innocence in your face was what was really drawing him in. You didn’t fawn over him like the other girls did and you didn’t flat out reject him like the ones who saw through his motives. Instead, you were just friendly to him and it pissed her off.

At the end of the day, the way he kept pushing his luck was infuriating. What really put JJ over the edge was the conversation she overheard. He asked you if you wanted to get drinks after work and you cluelessly said yes. That was it, JJ thought, that was the last hope she had of you avoiding his charm. Drinks would surely lead to more, at least JJ thought so. After hearing you say yes, nothing was going to save her shitty mood. She only fumed more when she couldn’t take the rest of the evening to drink a glass (or maybe three) of wine and try to forget that she let the opportunity to have you in her arms instead of his slip away.

But then, when she sat down and realized her hard drive was missing, it was the perfect excuse to thwart that man’s plans. Maybe it didn’t cancel your plans; she could imagine you asking him to wait just a little longer before meeting with drinks, but at least she delayed it. As JJ sat back on her desk chair and waited for you to arrive, she thought maybe she could find a few other ways to keep your little date postponed. If she was lucky, she could completely ruin your evening like you ruined hers. Even if you had no idea that you were responsible for that.

The knock came on her door in no time and JJ was honestly impressed for a moment by the speed in which you got there. A thought occurred to her a moment later, however, and her mood got even worse. You probably rushed over here so you had more time to meet for drinks with that asshole intern.

When she opened the door for you, she didn’t say much. She just gestured for you to follow her in as she basically stomped her way over to her office with you in tow. You were instantly anxious over the way she greeted you with such an unwelcoming attitude, but you followed her anyway. It would’ve been much easier to just hand her the USB and go, but you thought doing that would just piss her off more. Plus, you had a feeling this bad mood was from how overworked she seemed to be lately at the BAU. Obviously, she wasn’t happy that she was taking some of that work home with her. Maybe you could help, offer to look over whatever you were allowed to look over. You canceled your plans the minute you got the text from JJ, so it wasn’t like you had anything better to do.

“Um…” You shuffled awkwardly where you stood in the middle of JJ’s home office. You’ve never been in here, let alone her place in general. It would excite you to be here if she wasn’t practically fuming as she sat herself back down at her desk. “I’m sorry, you had to take your work home with you.”

“It is what it is,” she grumbled as she plugged the USB into her laptop and immediately started typing away.

“Can I help with any of it somehow?”

“I don’t know you possibly could.” Her tone was sharp and she didn’t even bother to look up at you. Originally, yes, she had the plan to keep you here longer and get your date postponed, but she was also still incredibly frustrated. The minute you walked through the door to her home she realized it wasn’t the way she wanted things to happen. She had the image in her mind that the first time you’d be here, she’d be pulling you through her halls while ripping your clothes off. Clearly, that wasn’t going to happen now. So, instead, JJ just resorted to being downright harsh.

“Okay, well,” you sighed. “I guess I’ll get going then.”

“You do that,” JJ spit as she kept up her work. If you wanted to go be with that arrogant prick then so be it. Let him disappoint you the way you were disappointing her. If you just opened your eyes for a second, you’d realize JJ would treat you so much better than anyone else ever good. The thought that someone else would be doing the things that JJ was dying to do to you was just pissing her off more.

“I– JJ, did I do something?” You definitely sounded hurt. JJ would almost feel bad if she wasn’t already so far gone in her frustration.

“It’s what you didn’t do,” she said, her jaw visibly clenching as she kept typing.

“What I didn’t do?” You repeated in disbelief. “I offered to help! You’re the one not letting me!”

Not letting you? JJ wondered if you heard how ridiculous you sounded. Okay, maybe you were right, but that wasn’t the point. She fully blamed you for this bad mood now and everything you were doing was the exact opposite of helping. How could you possibly not realize that? Her want for you was causing her to lose her temper and it shouldn’t be like that. At least that’s what JJ thought. Maybe you were really as innocent as you appeared to be, but JJ had been throwing you big hints. You never picked up on any of them, never initiated a single thing that told JJ it was finally okay to make her move, yet you say okay to drink with a man that clearly wanted in your pants? And even then you have the audacity to ask how you can help her? No, no, you were being ridiculous, not JJ. She thought losing control of her temper and jealousy was entirely valid at this point.

“You want to help so fucking badly?” JJ finally looked up from her computer. Her eyes were burning with rage and all you could do was stand there, so confused as to why you seemed to be fueling this fire.

“Yes!” You were desperate now. “Yes, I’m just trying to do a good job here,” you cried. “I don’t know why you’re so angry. I don’t know what it was that I apparently didn’t do. What do you want from me?”

“God,” JJ growled. “If you’d just shut up and get on your fucking knees we wouldn’t be having this problem.” She said that without thinking. Honestly, she really did. It was a mixture of the anger she was feeling and the pent up want she had for you. The minute those words were out of her mouth the whole room went still.

Your eyes widened at what she said. JJ’s body froze. She didn’t let her face show the shock she felt for letting that slip. It didn’t even mean to come out, and her jaw clenched as she waited for you to react.

JJ expected you to do one of two things: Yell and throw much deserved accusations her way or run like hell out of her house and report her ass. Either way, she could practically picture the long HR conversation she was bound to have this week. Except, you didn’t do either of the things she was expecting. In fact, you didn’t do anything at all for a moment. You just stood there and stared at her in utter shock.

Shit, JJ thought as she started to get up from her desk chair. You were still staring at her in disbelief and she could see the blush forming on your face. If she didn’t just royally fuck up the way she did, she would be enjoying the deer-caught-in-headlights look you were wearing. Obviously, you weren’t expecting her to say anything like that to you. Hell, she wasn’t expecting to say that tonight either. But what did intrigue her was, while you might be frozen in place, you still didn’t leave or even protest. No, instead you just looked a bit flushed and there was a gradual shift from shock to something else in your eyes. It was wishful thinking on JJ’s part that the look in your eye could mean interest. Or maybe, if JJ was the type of woman who took bets, it could even be a look of arousal.

The worst part was, she would’ve won that bet, because you definitely were aroused the instant those words left her lips. You shifted where you stood, not that JJ noticed when her eyes were too busy reading your own. The heat in your cheeks she did notice though. It was only getting worse the longer you stood there and let her gawk at you. Her eyebrow arched when she did, indeed, pick up on the fact that your reaction perhaps wasn’t all that negative.

She was waiting for you to do something now. Still unsure of how you felt about her outburst. The problem was, there wasn’t much you could think to do. Was she serious? The fact that you almost did exactly what you were asked immediately made you a bit embarrassed, but what if that’s really what she wanted? You said you wanted to help and if that was her request... Maybe you really should fulfill it.

Your eyes shifted to the floor for a minute and then back up at her. JJ’s expression still hadn’t changed from the quizzical one that replaced her anger. She was waiting for you to act. And as she saw your eyes flick to the floor before looking back at her, you saw even more of a change in her expression. It was miniscule to anyone else, but you personally spent a lot of time staring at JJ and her eyes, so you didn’t miss the shift in them. Blue eyes looked back at you with pupils blown until they were almost completely black. That small detail in and of itself is what told you she was dead serious. It was also all it took to make your mind up.

“Okay.” You said it with a confidence you didn’t even know you had.

“Okay?” JJ’s head tilted to the side. That was another unexpected response from you. She kind of thought the reason you were still here was to discuss this. She had the feeling you’d be the type to talk out your feelings for each other before just falling into bed with her. But in that very moment, you proved her completely wrong.

“Okay,” you repeated and got on your knees. JJ shot around her desk so fast when she saw you do that. There was no way she was missing a moment of this the second she realized you actually were getting on your knees for her.

“Wow,” JJ breathed as she stopped right in front of you. She had pictured this exact scenario countless times, but it still didn’t prepare her for just how amazing you looked on your knees. The way you looked up at her with such innocent eyes was replacing the last tendrils of rage in her body with white hot desire instead. There were so many things she thought about doing to you at that moment. “You look so pretty like that.”

You shifted your gaze to the floor as your face flushed, but JJ’s hand came up to cup your chin and pull you back up to look at her.

“Don’t look away from me,” she ordered. Her tone wasn’t harsh though. Not yet at least, not when she was still fairly certain you would be one who’s easily scared off. Although, so far you’ve been reacting in the exact opposite way than she’s expected.

“I’m only going to say this once,” she started as her thumb ran gently over your bottom lip. “You have an out right now, if you don’t want to do this then this is your one and only chance to get up and leave. But if you stay, then you’re going to do everything I tell you to.”

Her thumb still traced your bottom lip as you soaked in exactly what she was asking of you. You knew that was her way of warning you that tonight was going to be a very different experience than anything and anyone you’ve encountered in your past romantic history. The idea of that only thrilled you more.

“I’m staying,” you mumbled. “I’ll do anything you want.”

JJ’s smirk at your answer looked downright devilish and caused a shiver to run down your spine. “Good,” she hummed. “That’s exactly what I wanted to hear.” Her thumb pressed down on your lip until you were forced to part them. “First, I’m going to use that pretty mouth of yours.” JJ’s thumb pressed harder until your lips fell open even more and you willingly took it into your mouth. She immediately bit her lip, thoroughly enjoying the feeling of running the pad of her thumb against your tongue. When she dragged it back out of your mouth, she gave a satisfied hum at the way you seemed disappointed by the loss of contact. You were already being so good for her and she didn’t even really have to ask yet.

When JJ’s hands fell from you and to the buckle of her belt, that’s when you started to feel a little nervous. Things were getting real, but still you didn’t want to back out. You just didn’t know and definitely weren’t prepared for the intensity JJ had in store for you.

When her belt was undone and her button popped open from her pants, she grabbed you by your hair and pulled you until you were forced to brace yourself on her thighs. She didn’t react to the wince she caused when her grip tightened and your hands frantically grasped at her. “Do you know what to do or am I going to have to show you?” she asked in a threatening tone. This was certainly a new, darker side of JJ. One that you honestly didn’t see coming, but still you weren’t complaining.

You shook your head and tried to readjust on your knees so that you weren’t practically falling over on her anymore. You could do this for her; you could figure it out. If you didn’t know how, JJ was determined to make you learn.

Your hands moved up her thighs and tugged down at her pants and underwear, just enough to give you access to her pussy. She was already so wet, just from the sight of you on your knees and the anticipation of feeling your tongue inside her drove her wild. Part of her thought she should savor this moment, but a large part of her desperately needed to see your face wrecked and covered in her cum. That part won out.

Again, she tugged on your hair until you were closer to her. You stopped with your face right in between her legs. She looked down at you expectantly and you knew that you needed to get rid of all your hesitation once and for all, so you tried your best to. Your tongue peaked out from your lips and started a slow, long lick over her clit. That alone had JJ shuddering above you and clenching the fist that currently had a strong hold on your head. Loving the reactions you were eliciting from her, you repeated the action once, twice and then more until you set a steady pace of lapping at her pussy while her body twitched above you.

But it wasn’t enough for her. She needed to claim you and she needed it now. “Stick out your tongue,” JJ ordered as she pulled your head back for just a second to make sure you were listening. “I’m going to fuck your face.” She didn’t even wait for a response before pulling you back in.

This time your hands flew back to her thighs so you could brace yourself again as you did exactly what JJ asked and let her run her entire pussy over your tongue. She wasn’t going slow either. The way she felt your tongue run over her clit and her entrance was enough for her to already lose control of her actions. She had this idea, originally, that she would pace herself with you. Her goal was always to be rough with you, but she wanted to ease you into it. She wanted to slowly take away your innocence, not fuck your face right off the bat. But then, she was feeling possessive and that anger still felt like it had her all twisted and pent up, not to mention the fact that just being around you and not getting to fuck you yet was already a build up on it’s own for her. Taking it slow was just not something she had the patience for anymore. She needed to cum and she needed you to help her with that.

To add to how much JJ was enjoying this, she didn’t miss the way you were squeezing your legs together underneath her. With each grind of her hips against your face, she saw the way you shifted and tried to get some relief for the ache you were surely feeling. It was going to be so easy to turn you into a mess beneath her if you were already struggling and she hadn’t even touched you yet.

“I knew this was what you wanted,” JJ groaned when she heard you moaning into her pussy. “You wanted me to fuck you since the moment we met. Isn’t that right?”

All you could do was hum as JJ’s hips moved even harder. She was holding your head in place with a painfully tight grip as she ground into your mouth even harder. The way she was panting and groaning had you so wet, you were sure your panties were beyond ruined.

“I’ll let you in on a little secret.” JJ’s voice was winded as she spoke now and you could tell from the way her hips rocked into your face with a more erratic rhythm that she was getting close. “I’ve wanted to ruin you since the moment we met too.”

She threw her head back after that and kept you tightly pressed to her pussy. It was hard for you to breathe through all of it, but she didn’t care. Instead of letting you get any sort of air, she forced you to press your tongue to her clit as she finally came with a satisfied moan.

When she pulled your head back finally, you gulped down air. JJ took a few deep breaths herself and her legs trembled ever so slightly from the way you made her cum. Her hands finally let go of your head and she took a step back, only for you to fall forward, catching yourself quickly on your hands. She looked down at you when she heard you huff as you caught yourself. You were on all fours and you looked like an absolute mess. Her cum was smeared over your mouth and chin and you were still trying to catch your breath from it. That image gave her an idea of exactly what she wanted to do next.

“Get up.” JJ didn’t even care that you were still struggling to regain your composure. “And follow me.”

“O-okay,” you panted as you tried to get back up and off your now sore knees. JJ was already out the door of her home office before you really could gain your balance. You scrambled to catch up, following her down the hall until you reached what you easily guessed was her bedroom.

You honestly felt lucky that you were being allowed to enter Jennifer Jareau’s bedroom. Never in your wildest dreams did you think it would happen. That didn’t stop you from daydreaming about it, but you really had no idea that the whole time JJ stared at you, she was secretly thinking about all the ways she could fuck you. You kind of thought all her staring meant she didn’t like you. She didn’t exactly smile at you when you caught her looking. Instead, she always wore what you thought was a very serious gaze. It’s only now that you realized it was a gaze of hunger for you rather than anger towards you.

“Strip.” JJ’s order shook you from your thoughts and your eyes snapped to where she had gone. She was in the corner of her room, digging around in the bottom drawer of her dresser.

You did exactly as you were told, but kept your eyes on JJ. Whatever she was digging for, you didn’t know, but you were incredibly curious about it. Still, you continued to pull off your clothes as you waited for her. The fact that, after you pulled the last piece of clothing from your body and now you were bare naked in her bedroom while she was fully clothed, made you nervous again. Hopefully soon JJ would let you take her clothes off, but something told you that if you asked, you’d be breaking JJ’s wishes for you to be obedient. She was in control after all, and it seemed very clear to you that she didn’t want that challenged.

But then she turned around and the thing you saw dangling in her hand had your jaw drop.

“JJ I haven’t– I’ve never done that before,” you stuttered. Resting in JJ’s hand was the straps to a harness and a decently sized dildo. Fingers, you’ve experienced, but you definitely haven’t had anything more than two and the size of the toy in her hand definitely seemed bigger and longer than that.

She didn’t even seem phased by your trepidation. She just started to, thankfully, pull off her own clothes. You waited for any kind of response for her. But as she finished undressing and started to pull on the harness and situate the toy, you realized you weren’t going to get an answer.

“JJ–”

She held up a hand to cut you off when the straps were tightened just right around her hips. “You’ll be fine,” she said as she took a few steps towards you.

“But I haven’t–”

“Was today the first time anyone’s fucked your face?” Your eyes went wide at the bluntness of the question, but still you nodded hesitantly. “You did fine with that,” she said. “You’ll take this.” That last comment sounded more like a promise than words of comfort. You gulped hard when JJ stopped in front of you.

Her arms slipped around your waist and for a minute her touch was gentle. It was reassuring and just enough to let you stop worrying about what JJ was expecting of you. Her hands traced along the bare skin of your back as she leaned into you and finally, for the first time that night, her lips met yours. The kiss was slow; gentle even. It was her way of lulling you into a sense of agreement with her that you’d be just fine taking the toy that was currently strapped to her hips.

You kissed her back, quickly parting your lips for her to run her tongue along your own. But the moment her tongue made contact with yours, that switch flipped back on and she was back to being impatient. With her arms around you, she pulled you so your bare body was flush against hers. The way you felt the cold silicon of her strap-on hit your thigh made you jump, but you didn’t have much time to react as JJ took one of your lips in between her teeth and pulled.

When JJ released your lip, her hands moved to your hips and turned you around. Lips fell on your neck where she began to lick and suck at the sensitive skin there. You couldn’t stop the way your breath hitched when you felt her teeth sink down particularly hard on a very visible part of your neck. Eventually, your legs hit the edge of the bed and JJ finally let go of you only to give you a hard shove down. You fell down onto the mattress with a thud and JJ climbed onto the bed and knelt above you. When you looked back up the head of her strap was right in your face. It looked bigger this way and you were nervous all over again.

“JJ, it looks really… big.”

“Don’t think about that,” JJ said as she knelt before you. Her hand fell back to the top of your head, this time grabbing a handful of your hair but not as hard. “Either way, you’re going to be a good girl and take it for me. I suggest you start sucking on it first.”

“What?!” She really was trying to give you a handful of firsts in one evening. If you hadn’t ever taken a strap before, you most certainly haven’t given one head.

“You’re probably wet enough,” she started as she urged your head forward, “but this will get it wet and help you take it even better.”

Your eyes flicked back and forth between it and her, but eventually you decided to pluck up some courage and do what you were told. After all, she said she wanted you to be good and you desperately wanted to please her. Your lips wrapped around the head of JJ’s silicon cock and slowly you took it into your mouth. Above you, you heard JJ take in a sharp breath. Her fist flexed on your head, but she didn’t dare push you. Her goal wasn’t to fuck your face with it like she did just moments ago. This genuinely was her way of trying to get you used to it and make it a little easier for you to take. Sure, she could’ve used lube. She had a tube of it in her dresser specifically for you because she thought you’d need it. But then, she wanted to keep corrupting you and what better way to ruin your innocent little image than making you suck her cock.

When you took most of it into your mouth and looked up at her, that’s when JJ really started to struggle. Her hips moved on their own, rolling forward slightly, but still it was just enough for you to back up. Immediately, her hand combed through your hair and she cooed at you, whispering “it’s okay, it’s okay,” as she encouraged you to take it into your mouth again. You did and she gently and cautiously guided your head to bob up and down on it just a little bit longer. But still that feeling of her control was slipping and the fact that you had your lips wrapped around her strap with her cum still on your face was really making it so hard to keep her cool.

After another minute of it, she pulled you off of it. “Good,” she praised breathlessly. “You did so good for mommy.”

The name stopped you both. It slipped out just like before. She really didn’t mean to say it, much like she didn’t mean to say what kickstarted all of this. Just like that instance, though, your reaction wasn’t what she expected. You just looked up at her, face flushed and messy, but pride shining in your eyes. So… you liked the idea of calling her mommy then. That was an interesting little perk that boosted the power trip JJ was already running on.

“Now what?” You asked with such innocence. How you could totally gain back that look of pure wonder and eagerness after just having her pussy and her strap in your mouth? JJ would never understand how you could do it. But still you were looking up at her from where you sat, naked on her bed, and waiting for more orders.

“Now,” JJ said as she backed up a little on the bed, “you’re going to get on all fours and take my cock like the good little slut I know deep down you’re dying to be.”

The language she was using really got a rise out of you. Never had someone spoken to you like that and you didn’t realize how wet it made you. You were also so fucking obvious. JJ could tell that it turned you on to be treated like this and spoken to like you were nothing but her little toy. That’s kind of what you were to her now, whether you realized it yet. She finally had you in her grasp and she was going to fuck you until you were on the brink of breaking. It wasn’t even just about fucking you. No, she was going to claim you and ruin you like she promised. With the way she was going to fuck you, she was going to make sure you were ruined for anyone else. Just hers, that’s how it should always be. She’d make sure you knew that after tonight you were just hers.

JJ didn’t wait for you to move before she had a hold of your hips and started to flip you around. You immediately found yourself on your hands and knees again, which meant you couldn’t see what she was doing with the strap as she knelt on the bed and positioned herself. That made it both frightening and exciting, but you were so fucking wet you could feel it on your thighs. At this point, you didn’t care how big it looked, you just needed JJ to finally be inside you.

When she pushed the head of her cock into you, you weren’t immediately prepared for the burn of her stretching your pussy out. Your head fell back and your fists clenched the blankets on the mattress until they turned white as JJ bottomed out inside you. The echo of JJ’s low, guttural moan filled the room as she watched her cock stretch and disappear inside you. She started slow, pulling out almost all the way before easing it back in. You were already making such pretty noises for her. With each time her hips ground just a little into you when they were flush with your ass and her cock was all the way in, you’d let out a small whine. Eventually, you were getting used to the way you felt your pussy being stretched and when JJ started to pick up the pace, you met her thrusts with your own, trying to fuck yourself on your cock.

“Doing so good, baby,” JJ groaned as her hands gripped your hips and kept you steady. “Taking mommy’s cock so fucking good.”

You just whimpered at that and kept trying to fuck yourself against her cock. JJ was getting faster now, but still holding back as much as she could so you could adjust a little more to this new sensation. She wanted to ruin your pussy, but she didn’t actually want to break you… Just get you close to that point. When your moans got louder and JJ could see your wetness dripping down your thighs, however, she decided you were adjusted enough.

Suddenly, JJ used all her strength to fuck her cock into you. Her thrusts were fast and hard and you cried out with the way it was hitting just the right spot inside you. She was really not holding back and soon your grip on the mattress slipped. That didn’t stop JJ, though. As you fell forward, her hand shot out to your hair. With your face already hitting the mattress and your ass up in the air for JJ to keep fucking your pussy from behind, she used this opportunity to bend over you and push your face even harder into the bed. Your cries were getting muffled by the mattress, but JJ didn’t really mind that. Not when she had you in this position. She never thought you could look so absolutely filthy when you were always so god damn innocent, but the way your legs were spread and your ass was pressing into her hips just made you look like an utter mess.

“Such a fucking whore for me,” JJ growled as she fucked you harder. One hand went from your hip to land a hard smack on your ass. All you did was let out a pitiful whine. You were trying your hardest to keep yourself in pace with JJ. The best you could do was grind back a little harder into her cock, but still it was enough to get you off even faster.

JJ could tell from the way you were crying out her name any time she pumped particularly hard into you that you were two seconds away from coming. She wanted you to cum all over her cock and just the thought of that made her go even faster. You were repeating her name in between moans until finally, when JJ’s hand met your ass for another smack, you came. With a loud cry, JJ watched as you released all over her cock. The moan she let out at the sight almost matched yours in volume and she decided she definitely wasn’t done with you.

Her strap left you for just a second. You hadn’t even come down from your orgasm or caught your breath before JJ flipped your body over until your back was on the mattress. She grabbed at your hips again and swiftly pulled you back down onto her cock. The way she put her entire body behind the power of her thrusts this time had you practically screaming. She was fucking you so hard and you already felt entirely too sensitive. The way your body shook and shuddered with each pump of her cock made JJ mesmerized. You really were taking her way better than she even expected.

Her lips crashed into yours and all you could was struggle to kiss her back as muffled moans were swallowed by her. Your hands flew to her back. Nails dug into her skin in a way that was sure to leave marks, but JJ didn’t care. She just needed to see you cum at least one more time for her.

And she got her wish. After two more hard pumps of her hips, she felt more than saw the way you fell apart on her strap yet again. Your back arched off the mattress as she pulled this second orgasm from you. You were forced to break the kiss just so you could turn your head into the bed as you came. When the orgasm finally ran through your body you collapsed back onto the mattress.

There was no way you could take anymore, at least for a little while. JJ knew that and, thankfully, pulled out after a moment. You didn’t move when she did, all you could manage to do was lay there and try to get your heart and breathing under control.

JJ moved to kneel between your legs. Her fingers reached out and ran over the wetness that was covering your thighs. You shivered slightly at the teasing touch, but still kept your head down on the mattress, too tired to move much. JJ took the finger that was covered in your cum and brought it to her lips. The satisfied moan she let out when she tasted you had your head pop back up to see what she was doing. Her eyes were closed as she slowly withdrew her finger from her own mouth.

You thought you were spent, you really did. And in a sense, you were. You even felt sore from how hard JJ had just fucked you, but still you found yourself getting wet all over again from that act.

“We’re not done yet,” JJ said as she licked her lips. “First, I’m going to get you some water and you’re going to take a minute to rest. Then we’re going to go again.”

“Again?!” You were lying if you said you didn’t want to, but also you couldn’t imagine how your body would hold up if she kept fucking you the way she was.

“You said you wanted to help…”

JJ didn’t wait to hear anymore of your protests. Honestly, you didn’t protest much after that. When JJ came back with your water, it took all of two seconds before she was on you again and again and again. By the end of the night you were so fucked out by her that she had to practically carry you to her shower. Even then, she dropped to her knees on the shower floor and ate you out like there was no tomorrow.

Despite being utterly ruined by JJ, you still felt a weird sense of pride. How many people can say they helped bring JJ out of one of her bad moods? You said you wanted to be helpful… And you certainly were.

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m00nsbaby · 9 months

Text

Clumsy.

Marc Spector + Steven Grant x F! Reader. (Ft Jake Lockley) Next part to Sleepwalking. (Or "Already over" part 3.)

Final part. Clumsy II.

Tags & warnings. Sensitive themes, mentions of emotional distress, mentions of mental health, angst but not as bad as the other parts lol.

Word count. 3.2k

Summary.

I flew too close to the sun, Fell back to earth like a stone. I got too high on myself, Too young and stupid to tell. I was bound to make a mess of things, Mixin' fireworks and gasoline, Never meant to make you fall with me.

Your definitive breakup with Steven marked a point of no return for all three involved in the situation.

Marc had to force himself to learn to live without crossing a word with Steven, and his solitary life suddenly felt emptier than it had ever been. All of a sudden, it felt as if there was a void in his chest that nothing could fill, not alcohol, not Layla's occasional company, nor missions that put his life at risk.

Marc's biggest fear came true when he realized he had lost his routine completely. His life had taken that 360-degree turn he never wished for.

"Steven?"

"Mhm?" He didn't even raise his gaze from his book to look at him in the mirror's reflection in front of him; he simply turned the page slowly.

"Did you tidy-up?"

"No."

The only thing that broke the silence for a few seconds was Steven's page turn, while the other observed the apartment that seemed slightly tidier.

The topic wasn't discussed further. In fact, nothing else was talked about, and Marc silently observed, as he had for the past month, wondering if he was going crazy, if Steven was lying to him for the sake of it, or if his chronic depression was clouding half of what he did during the day.

That day, he didn't claim the couch; as it started to get dark, he chose to 'disappear' rather than spend another night listening to Steven's sobs as he clung to the scarf you had forgotten in his apartment, the one that no longer smelled like you.

If broken hearts had a scent, it would probably be what was impregnated in the yarn of it, Steven's tears mixed with his own cologne.

And a hint of whiskey, from the nights when Marc would steal the garment while asking himself over and over again, 'What have I done?'

The next day, to the surprise of neither of them, more things seemed to have changed during the night. Steven had woken up wrapped in his bed's covers, not on top of them, wearing his favorite pajamas, and your scarf neatly folded on the nearby piece of furniture.

More organized books took their place on the bookshelf where they belonged before Steven had started piling them up on the floor.

"Steven?"

"No." His head remained on the pillow, his eyes still closed. He was tired of answering Marc's questions, which, in his eyes, never made sense.

Who cared if a book was here or there? He didn't even remember what he had eaten for breakfast the day before, if he even had breakfast at all. With even less reason, he would remember if he got up in the middle of the night to rearrange things in the apartment.

Steven didn't take long to fall asleep again. The only slightly bearable aspect of this situation was that, for the first time in their lives, both Steven and Marc were starting to sleep more, enough hours at night and a few extra in the afternoons. It turns out life becomes more tolerable when you're not aware of what's happening around you.

Even counting the vivid dreams, the constant dissociation that was nothing new for them, and the lost time that could be used for anything other than sleeping.

You were... better, all things considered, as it had been exactly 26 days since your breakup with the person you would forever consider the love of your life.

Of course, you still cried at night… and sometimes in the afternoons, rarely in the mornings when the sudden realization of what had happened struck. But taking care of a pet proved enough to keep you distracted for most of the day. Thanks to your little ball of fur, you managed to get up in the mornings and took constant showers just to go out for walks with him.

The only contact you maintained with Steven was once a week when you sent him a photo of the kitten. You always picked the best one for him, and he patiently waited to ask you a thousand questions he knew wouldn't really have answers.

No matter how desperate he was to have you back, he would always respect your decision to want space. He'd sooner die than make you feel uncomfortable, and he genuinely preferred anything over risking the only contact he had with you. So, he never pushed much further, although he never forgot to make it clear how much he missed you.

He's beautiful! Looks so much like his mom. (You) How's he doing, apart from being really cute? How are you? I hope you're doing incredibly well because I'd hate it if you weren't. I miss you so much, and I know Marc does too. Do you think it's possible for us to talk one of these days? If not, I understand. It's not a problem for me to wait if you change your mind at any time. I'll always be waiting for you. ❤️ Have a great week.

Unfortunately, in every moment you assured yourself you were moving on from Steven (and maybe even Marc), you found yourself smiling at his messages, even when you weren't willing to reply.

Marc ended up losing his last remaining shreds of sanity when a month and a week had passed since he last saw you. He was doing his best to reassemble the pieces of his life that had fallen apart, but unfortunately, every time he tried to put a fragment back together, another seemed to crumble.

When Layla welcomed him, she didn't kiss his lips as usual, and mentally he thanked her for it. Physical contact with her hadn't felt the same for a while.

It's funny how at some point in his life he had found himself deeply in love with his wife's small but strong hands. Now, he could only think about how rough she felt touching him and how they didn't compare to your hands when you used to play with Steven's curls.

It was torturous realizing that there was nothing that didn't remind him of you.

"We need to talk," she said, turning her back to him. All Marc could see as he entered the apartment were her curls.

"What's going on?" He knew exactly what was going on, of course. He had been waiting for this for a while now.

"We can't go on like this, Marc."

In a horrible déjà vu, he could swear you had told him something similar, or maybe it was Steven, who was attentively observing the scene from the headspace.

"What do you mean, Lay?"

"You know what I'm talking about." It hurt him to realize his tears no longer had an effect on him. When did he stop loving her? "You're not the same after what happened."

The upside was that this was the most they had talked since they started their relationship, without shouting or either of them storming off.

"It's like you're not here. You come, we have sex, and then what?" There was that irritated look, filled with resentment that maybe he deserved. He had seen it in you, in Steven, and now in Layla.

Marc was so tired of fighting that he had no strength left to keep his pride up. He nodded silently and decided to take whatever she had to offer. Maybe receiving a bit of the pain he had distributed among different people would be enough to heal one of the million wounds inside him.

"Is it because of her, huh?"

'It's not about her, it's that I'm falling apart inside.' He thought.

After denying it for so long, he never thought that the first time he would acknowledge his feelings for you would be to Layla.

He nodded.

"You're broken, Marc." And he was, there was no denying it. "You're so shattered that you hurt everyone who tries to get close to you." If she only knew the pain he had caused Steven, she might turn the metaphorical knife she was stabbing him with. "You're going to end up alone, Marc Spector, completely alone."

When did she start hitting his chest accusingly? No idea. He had disassociated after hearing the word 'broken' from someone other than himself.

"Marc?" Steven's soft English accent called his attention from the other side of the room. His tear-filled eyes couldn't locate which reflection he was calling from. "Let's leave."

And that was another stab right in the heart. After all he had done to hurt Steven, was he still trying to protect him?

Maybe he really was the awful person life was trying to prove him he was.

"I'm sorry." It was the only thing that came out of his throat, his voice nearly inaudible due to the painful knot within.

Layla laughed at him, as was logical. How foolish he had been to think that saying sorry was enough to fix such a huge mistake.

"Let's leave." Steven's voice was so reassuring it gave him the strength to move his legs that seemed rooted to the ground.

"You understand that I'm breaking this up, right? I don't want you to come back here."

He felt like he was running out of breath when he nodded. He barely managed to clumsily leave the place; he was so confused. What hurt so much? As curious as it might sound, the breakup wasn't his main problem.

Maybe it was realizing everything he had caused through his mistakes, that everything could have been resolved if he hadn't been so stubborn.

The pain in his knees momentarily brought him back to reality. His body was giving up, and he could swear he was about to throw up in his now ex-partner's building. He didn't want to forcibly trigger a switch with Steven, but when the flashes of white and black appeared in front of his eyes, he knew it was better to just let it happen.

A week later, your hair was dripping as you rushed to open the apartment door, having just stepped out of the shower. You expected to find your upstairs neighbor, that sweet elderly lady who occasionally stopped by to ask for things like sugar or eggs. It was the highlight of your week, as it often resulted in desserts gifted to you a few hours later.

Ah, and she adored Sekhmet, who was already by the door acting as a second doorbell, eager for you to open up.

"You better not run off, silly," you said before swinging the door open.

You almost screamed curses until your lungs gave out when you found him on the other side. Holding a bouquet of yellow flowers and wearing black leather gloves you'd never seen before.

"Steven?" you whispered, more to yourself than to him, and almost immediately shook your head. He didn't have Steven Grant's perpetual shy or embarrassed expression.

Nor did he have Marc Spector's eternally furrowed brow, a look of constant stress. Although, right now, without any knowledge of what was going on, he was your best guess.

"Marc?" The only sound for several seconds was the purring of Sekhmet, rubbing against his legs repeatedly.

What a traitor.

He seemed just as surprised to see you, as if he hadn't been the one knocking on your door. You furrowed your brow when he offered his free hand.

"Jake." You took his hand to shake it. "Jake Lockley."

"Are you kidding?" That was all you said, not even annoyed or scared, just confused.

When he shook his head, you accepted that answer because you knew your boys well. Neither of them would joke about something like this. But what the hell was going on?

"Come in." You did your best to smile as you stepped aside to give him space when you noticed his intention was to enter your apartment.

"Ah, I… These are for you." He extended the flowers, and your chest tightened. It was like seeing Steven on your first date, but with an extra dose of confidence. "The yellow flowers are for an apology. They symbolize hope for a quick reconciliation."

You took the flowers in your hands and looked at them closely for a few seconds. They were beautiful.

"And why would you have to apologize to me, Jake Lockley?" You closed the door behind him. Being disoriented helped you take in this situation better because if it weren't for that, you'd probably be in the middle of a crisis.

You cleared your throat as you leaned your back against the apartment door. You studied him closely, and there was no doubt in your mind.

That wasn't Marc, and definitely not your Steven.

"Marc's foolishness," he commented. The yellow suited your complexion. He noticed when you brought the bouquet closer to smell it. When you closed your eyes and took a deep sigh Jake thought he fully understood why Marc and Steven's lives were now in pieces.

He would be too if he had lost you.

Thankfully, they had their protector, the one who didn't give up at the first obstacle, luckily for Marc since Steven seemed as persistent. And he seemed to have watched enough novelas to have the smooth talking of a 90s casanova.

His plan was trying his best, though, you were the first girl in Jake's life. And considering the circumstances, probably the only one.

"Marc is forgiven," you smiled with a weight on your chest as you placed the flowers on the central table in your small living room. The cat wouldn't leave Jake alone, and you knew it was because, to him, Jake was Steven, the one he missed so much. "When Steven and I…"

His gaze refocused on you. He wanted to let you know his full attention was fixed on you.

"Shouldn't you explain your presence first, Jake Lockley?" You questioned with that same smile that revealed how emotionally and physically exhausted you were. Still, he nodded, running his fingers through his curls to put them back in place.

An action that made you audibly swallow.

The hours passed quickly. It turned out that Jake spoke about everything that Marc and Steven seemed to keep to themselves. He knew very well that based on the memories of both boys, there was no one better than you to understand his situation.

You learned that Jake was a protector for both of them, and neither Marc nor Steven were aware of him until now. His priority was the two of them, and he knew you perfectly from both of their points of view.

It was surprising to you, but somehow comforting to know that there was someone to take care of Steven when you couldn't. Jake confirmed your theories that he was as hurt as you were by the breakup, that he missed you as much as you missed him.

Oh, and in the same vein, you understood that he had felt the need to take control more in the last few days. It seemed Marc wasn't in the best condition either. Ironically, you could believe everything Jake said, even though you had only known him for about three hours. But Marc remorseful? That part sounded like a fairytale to you.

"I'm here because I need…" He cleared his throat, his fingers playing with each other. A while ago, he had gotten rid of his gloves. "I would like to." He corrected himself. "I would like for you to give Marc a chance to talk to you, hermosa."

You wondered if he was trying to sweet-talk you or if the endearing nicknames rolled off his tongue so easily because he still shared a body with Steven and Marc.

"I can't do that right now, no, I hope you can understand why." You cleared your throat. Your nerves stood on edge when Jake got up to sit on the couch next to you.

He offered you his hand, and you looked at it doubtfully.

"Jake, no."

"Please."

Those stupid gigantic brown eyes were fixed on you, and beyond the expressions that differentiated Jake from others, all you saw was Steven's sweet gaze.

Your Steven.

You swallowed hard and reluctantly gave him your hand.

He cradled it between his palms.

"Marc is devastated." His fingers gently tightened around yours. "And don't get me started on Steven. I can see that you're not well either."

His voice was so soft. Velvety.

You allowed yourself to be fragile in front of him because how could you lie? You were breaking apart, and the loneliness, not having someone to tell every night how much you missed the love of your life, was killing you.

A pout formed on your lips slowly.

"Please, I need you to listen," he whispered as he leaned down to meet your sad, wounded gaze. "Would you do that for me? I'm begging you."

Your eyes were brimming with tears as you looked at him, for the third time, forced to face this awful situation. Once again, it was your responsibility to be reasonable and tolerant, to swallow your pride, and worse, trample your dignity.

For Marc, again.

"I can't. I won't."

He drew your hands closer and gently kissed them, your fingers, your knuckles, the back of your hand. All while maintaining eye contact.

"Hermosa? You don't have to do anything." You were breaking his heart. "Just listen to him, okay? Not now."

When you hesitated again, he knew he had to play a low blow,

his last card.

"For Steven, could you?"

With a sob, you nodded, and Jake didn't hesitate to encircle you with his arms, pressing you against his chest.

"Shhh, hermosa." You didn't have memories of yourself in this situation. You were usually the one offering comfort, not receiving it. It felt good, for once, to have support and companionship.

It didn't last long before you decided to regain your composure. With a red nose and teary eyes, you straightened up, and Jake let you go without protesting.

"Do they know you came?"

"I told you, they don't know about me, darling." He covered his hand with his jacket sleeve and wiped the tip of your nose. In any other situation, you would have refused and said that was gross, but at that moment, the gesture just made you smile childishly. "I'll call you, okay? So you and he can meet and… talk."

By this point, it seemed like a work arrangement, but you had no choice but to accept it. You nodded in silence and did your best to smile at Jake, who looked at you with compassion, although mentally you were confusing it with pity.

"I have to go; they think… they're sleeping." He elicited a very slight laugh from you. If you were confused, you didn't want to know what it was like for them. You just nodded and opened the door for him to leave.

You said goodbye with an almost awkward hug because while he wondered why his arms clung to you as if they were Steven's, you questioned whether this was just a formality for Jake. Whether he just wanted to go back to his normal life, and that's why he was doing this. Either way, you appreciated the gesture, or whatever it was. At least the company in the afternoon had been nice.

You had a lot to think about, clearly. Nothing was stopping you from ignoring Jake for the rest of your days and never clarifying the darned conversation he wanted you to have with Marc. However, deep down, you did want to lay everything out when it came to him.

Needless to say, you cried all night, confused, hurt, sad. Just like the previous nights, with Sekhmet in your arms, meowing because he missed the smell of Steven.

Just like you did.

i know i know this feels like we got nowhere but i have to get you ready for the end of this, ok?? from now on everything depends on marc so lol good luck for y'all

LOVE YOUUU thanks for following this thing that was supposed to have just one part lol the next one will finally be the end >:)

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gyu-effect · 3 months

Note

hi!!!! omg i have a fic idea!!!

how about something set during the night when na pd kidnapped svt from their hotel? like the reader joined a member (you choose which one!) on tour and their relationship is a secret for obv reasons but now the nana tour crew has shown up suddenly. how do you think that would go? maybe having to explain to na pd hehe

of course if you choose not to take up this idea thats totally okay!!! i love your writing, it always feels so cozy and warm heh

hope you're safe and happy!

PAIRING || Minghao x Female Reader

GENRES || Fluff, Humour

WARNINGS || none

WORD COUNT || 1.4k

A/N || hi! omg thank you so much im so glad you like my writing it means a lot to me honestly 😭😭 i hope you like this and i chose minghao for this cus lol he was the only one who was disappointed abt the fact he wasn't going to italy with the original team TT

TAGLIST || @romeosbreastmilk @y00nzin0 @cecedrake2217 @candidupped @ashkuuuu @hanicore @alyssng @weebotakuboy @angelfeverdream @aaniag @sea-moon-star @thepoopdokyeomtouched @caramyisabitchforsvtandbts @hrts4hanniehae @athanasiasakura @doubleshoticedshakenespresso @mrswonwooo @asasilentreader @isabellah29 @amethyistheart [if you want to be added to my taglist, fill in this form!]

[10:36]

xu minghao was a calm man. or at least he had considered himself to be calm.

he meditated often, drank tea regularly and tried not to get riled up due petty reasons in life. he wanted to enjoy life peacefully alongside his beloved family, members, fans and you.

but no amount of meditation could have prepared him for this.

one surprise, he could maintain his composure.

two, hard, but still manageable.

but three? three surprises one after the other, all in one night was enough to confuse anyone out of their wits and right now minghao was having a hard time keeping a straight face in front of the camera and trying not to look flabbergasted, at least for your sake. you too looked as dumbfounded as all the members surrounding his bed right now, looking at each other as an uncomfortable silence filled the room.

what the hell had just happened?

all he could remember was lying down to finally get some sleep when his door burst open and the next thing he knew, someone had thrown their arms around him with a “hao!” after your familiar scent hit him, it took him a few seconds to grasp the situation.

because why were you here? weren’t you in south korea?

but then you explained that (while peppering his face with kisses) that you had flown all the way here to surprise him and to spend the rest of the day with him (you tutted that he had been having such a busy schedule that he deserved this date). by now he was mildly aware that while you were looking extremely pretty and happy and smelled good, he was practically naked and still reeked of alcohol.

not that it was a problem but still, he grumbled to you, he would have liked it if he had looked a bit more presentable.

“oh, please.” you had said, jokingly rolling your eyes, “my entire presence should have knocked you out and made you forget that you are naked.”

“sure.” he replied back, pulling you onto his lap. “and i want to kiss you so bad but that would be very rude of me.”

you laughed at his statement and puckered your lips at him, silently asking for a kiss.

and minghao was going to give in, was going to kiss you because it had been so long since he had seen you and it wasn’t until now he realised just how much he missed you when the door to his room burst open the second time that night.

but this time, his members flooded in, freezing when their eyes met the two of yours. you jumped off his lap just before the camera man entered, causing him to have the second heart attack of the day.

“what- what is-” the sputtered, not able to get the words out.

“myungho!” he heard a somewhat familiar voice call him out as he hurriedly buried himself into the covers more. great, now who was going to barge into his room next?

all the sleepiness he had been feeling was completely washed away by the time na pd walked over to him, wrapping an arm around his bare shoulder (the fact that na pd had materialised out of nowhere didn’t even seem to faze him anymore, his head was already spinning too much with the information overload.)

“myungho.” na pd repeated, flashing him a guilty smile and minghao tried to sit up carefully. immediately the sirens in his body began to ring, (as if they had even gone off ever since you came in) because he knew that smile meant that he was going to hear something he didn’t like.

through the corner of his eyes he saw some of his members come closer and crowd around his bed, allowing you to blend in the background as you tried to get across the room, clearly trying to get to the staff.

shit. he had completely forgotten about this. oh god, what was he going to say-

“i lied to you.” na pd continued, clearly thinking the panic in his face was due to the current situation.

“huh?” he asked.

“i lied to you. you’re not going to italy with jun alone.” na pd repeated.

“oh.” was all he could manage to say. no sooner had the words left the pd’s mouth, disappointment had hit him really hard but years of being an idol had trained him to keep a straight face.

but with the way the night had been proceeding he supposed he wasn’t doing that good job of masking his emotions because the pd’s giggled. “i’m so sorry, myungho. but you’re going to italy with your members instead. and you’re leaving right now.”

“right now?” was all he registered and like an idiot his eyes darted across the room to look at you because all he could remember was the surprise date you had planned for the two of you, just as seungcheol had grabbed your arm to pull you out of the room as quietly as he could. and along with his eye movement so did the camera move, towards the two of you, and of course na pd had to look at where he was looking.

“oh! and you are?” he asked, as seungcheol and you smiled back awkwardly.

“i’m, uh, i’m the-”

“staff!” seungkwan butted in and for the millionth time in his life, minghao was thankful to his members. he was sure that they were as flustered as him about this sudden change in schedule and you suddenly appearing him must have thrown them off track even more.

“yeah, i’m the staff. hahaha, i was just checking on minghao…um, because…” you began, clearly not sure where your lie was going.

minghao had never wished to turn back time more than now. if only he had pushed you under his bed or something-

“she’s the closest staff, actually! she’s even closer to us than our manager!” mingyu added, smiling almost naturally and walking over to you.

“i see.” na pd said, as though trying to assess whether or not he should ask more questions or not. “so uh, why are you dressed so prettily late at night?”

“oh, i’m not invited to italy?” you asked with a laugh. minghao felt his heart flip at your expression, loving the way you had got your wits back and had managed to dodge the question. he could see you were still scared from the way you were clutching seungcheol’s hand but you looked so calm and confident he felt he had fallen in love with you all over again.

“then um, should we meet at the lobby in three minutes?” na pd asked, clearly getting the hints now. then turning back to minghao, he said. “sorry, myungho. get ready and come quickly, okay? i promise you won’t regret it.”

he wasn’t sure if the sorry was because he wouldn’t be going to italy for the previous program he was supposed to be in or because na pd had realised you were his girlfriend and had very obviously come all the way to surprise him.

but he didn’t have time to think much about it as all the other members rushed out to get ready, leaving only you and him alone in the room but you too were pulling the sheets off his body as you pulled him out of the bed.

“go, go, go! you have only three minutes!” you said, pushing him into the bathroom. “i’ll get your clothes!”

“baby, wait.” he called out, forcing you to pause and look at him. “i love you.”

you tilted your head in slight confusion, but smiled at him nonetheless before saying, “i love you too.”

“no, i-” he said, stepping out of the bathroom to hold your hand. “i love you so much, baby. you planned so much for us and i can’t even go out with you now. and yet, you’re helping me out. you have every right to be mad-”

“hush, what are you talking about, hao?” you said. “you’re an idol, such things can happen! i’ll admit i was really taken aback and bummed out a bit, but hey, you’re going to italy! you were dying about this trip, remember? how can i be upset about it then, huh?”

“but that was with jun and the seniors” he grumbled.

“and now you’re going with your members. that’s even better!”

“i suppose. but our date-”

“we’ll have it once you come back, okay?” you said, kissing him on his lips. minghao wondered what he had done to end up with you.

“i love you so much, baby.”

#╼ 𝐅𝐈𝐂𝐒 #╼ [𝟏𝟎:𝟑𝟔]#╼ 𝐀𝐒𝐊𝐒 #caratlibrary #seventeen x reader #the8 x reader #xu minghao x reader #minghao x reader #seventeen fluff #minghao fluff #xu minghao fluff #the8 fluff

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gensinners · 1 year

Text

this is extremely vanilla and lovey but idc i think it’s nice lol. i like the idea of zhongli being down bad

CW: slight monsterfucking, afab reader + female-oriented language

i can’t stop thinking about zhongli taking your virginity. he’d be so excited when you come to him, eyes refusing to meet his own out of embarrassment, to ask him to be your first. zhongli won’t ever tell you this, but he’s been waiting to hear you say that for a long time now. of course he wanted to wait for you to be ready and never pressured you into anything, but he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about this more than he’d like to admit.

you’re so anxious — you’ve crossed your legs and covered your bare chest with your arms to shield yourself from zhongli’s view. he finds your nervousness endearing, although he’d much rather be allowed to admire you fully. it’s okay, though, he won’t push you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with. all you need to do is lay down on your shared bed and let him take care of everything.

zhongli thinks you make the sweetest little noises as his long, draconic tongue glides across your folds. you’re whimpering and squirming while he pleasures you like you asked him to. it gets to be bit frustrating for him, though, so he gently places a hand on your thigh in an attempt to steady your frantic movements. it doesn’t do much to calm you down, but you try your best to stay still at zhongli’s unspoken command. it doesn’t take much time for you to cum. zhongli doesn’t stop devouring you as you climax — if anything, he goes even harder. you cry his name as you grip his hair tight, needing to feel more of him. zhongli only stops when you’re totally finished.

your eyes are watery and your face is flushed, while zhongli looks completely unfazed. it makes you even more anxious — is he not enjoying this as much as you are? your insecurities are quelled when wordlessly, he kisses you, forcing his tongue into your mouth. you can taste yourself on his lips — it’s embarrassingly lewd, you think to yourself. when he pulls away, you limply press your forehead against his. you’ve barely done anything but you’re already so exhausted. zhongli asks if you want to be done for the night, but you just say you need a little break. zhongli understands; you’ve never done any of this before, of course you’re tired. the two of you just stay like that for a few minutes, silently enjoying how close you are to each other. zhongli thinks about how lucky he is to have earned your love and trust, how fortunate he is that you wanted him to be your first. for the first time in thousands of years, zhongli is overwhelmed with happiness; he loves you more than you could ever know.

when you’re finally ready to continue, you feel two of zhongli’s fingers inside of you. you want to scream, but the sounds trapped in the back of your throat are muffled by zhongli’s lips against yours. he slowly works your tight hole open as you cry in pleasure. zhongli traces light circles on your clit with his thumb and you lock your arms around his neck, pulling him even closer to you. you glance down at his arms, black adorned with gold patterns, and you suddenly remember that the person fingering you so delicately is a god. the thought does something to you, it empowers you. zhongli, morax, could have anyone he wanted, yet he chose you. it makes you feel so good, too good, and you cum again even faster than last time.

always concerned about your needs, zhongli asks if you want to take a break again. you frantically say “no,” not wanting to waste any more time. zhongli chuckles at your newfound urgency, although he was just as eager as you were.

zhongli releases his cock from the confines of his pants and you feel a little panicked. you’ve never seen one before so you have no metric of comparison, but you can just tell it’s big. way too big, really. there’s no way that’s going to fit inside you, even after zhongli opened you up so nicely. overcome with anxiety again, you wonder if this was a good idea, if you would still enjoy this. you remind yourself that it was okay, that zhongli loves you and would never hurt you. he can tell you’re feeling nervous again, so he tells you the same things you just thought to yourself. you believe him when he tells you it’ll be alright.

zhongli places the tip at your entrance but doesn’t push in yet. instead, he waits for you to say you’re ready. as you wait, you think about how zhongli was already hard just from eating you out and fingering you. a pang of love blossomed in your chest — you thought it was so sweet that he was turned on just from making you feel good. you squeeze your eyes shut for a moment before shakily telling him to move. zhongli listens immediately, slowly sheathing himself inside of you. it’s an indescribable sensation, you think, but not in a bad way. it hurts so bad at first that you almost tell him to pull out, but you trust zhongli and let him keep going. it gets easier as you feel his cock enter you deeper and deeper. you don’t dare to look down at where your bodies meet, anxious to find that there’s much more of his cock to take than you think. that ends up being true anyway, though, you just don’t see it with your eyes. you feel it — every time you think, “surely there can’t be more,” zhongli keeps going.

by the time he’s fully inside of you, you’re trembling again. zhongli wipes away your tears and reassures you, telling you that it’s okay, you’re doing so good for him. again, he waits for you to tell him to move, and you do. zhongli thrusts slowly, shallowly at first, careful not to overstimulate you too much yet. as he speeds up a bit, you reach out for his hands, intertwining your fingers with his. it’s all so perfect to you — you want to be close to him forever. you’re so happy that you asked him to be your first.

#genshin impact #genshin impact smut #genshin smut #zhongli smut #zhongli x reader #morax smut

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luvfy0dor · 5 months

Note

Hii! This is my first time requesting, and I hope you don't mind. There's a trend on TikTok called my marmalade. Where's they wearing an Ushanka hat? Can you do one with Fyodor where you steal his Ushanka hat just to do the trend?

“My Marmalade ♡⁠˖” Fyodor Dostoevsky x GN!Reader ੈ✩‧₊˚

Warnings; only briefly proofread.

Description; Borrowing your boyfriends ushanka for a tiktok trend

A/n; Hi! Dw I don't mind at all!! I hadn't seen this trend until I looked it up, but I like the video where the girl used the cat as the hat, it was cute lol

ೃ⁀➷

Tiktok trends weren't entirely your thing, but upon seeing this one you figured why not try it out. You stared at your phone, the video of a girl blowing kisses into the camera playing on the screen. She had a fur hat on and the white tufts were glittery in that specific lighting. There was a similar hat around somewhere - most likely on your boyfriends head. All you had to do was obtain it by either stealing it briefly or asking to borrow it. You didn't really want to explain why you needed his hat because he'd probably find it silly, so you chose the first option. Even if he caught you taking his hat it's not like he'd be mad. If anything he'd either find it mildly amusing or he just simply wouldn't care.

You began your search for the fluffy accessory, feeling as though you had struck gold upon remembering your lover was in the shower. You headed back towards your shared bedroom, hoping he had left it on your dresser where he usually did. You knew him well enough to be correct and you snatched the hat off of it before making your way back to the living room. Your fingers brushed over the soft fur as you pulled up the audio and propped up the phone against a lamp. You set the timer to three seconds, starting the recording and taking a few steps back. The countdown sound had covered the clicking of the door and Fyodors soft footsteps exiting the bathroom. The audio sounded throughout the living room while you watched yourself dance in the camera.

You had a smile on your face and your hands on your hips as you started lip syncing the chorus, having watched enough videos with lyrics that spelled out the pronunciation to do it relatively accurately. As you brought your hand to your mouth to blow a kiss, Fyodor spoke, making you jump like a cat at the sight of a cucumber. "Ah, that's where my hat went." His voice was soft and smooth, mostly monotonous as usual. You could feel heat focus in your cheeks as you embarrassedly stood there. "Well I wasn't gonna barge in on your shower to ask for it." You said, trying to justify yourself. He smiles slightly in amusement and approaches you, adjusting the hat so that the flaps were hooked together on the top instead of at the sides.

"I believe that's how most people who are participating in the trend are wearing it." He says, pressing a kiss to your cheek with his hands on your shoulders. "You've seen it?" You raise an eyebrow, unaware of whether or not he had recently downloaded tiktok. He shook his head though. "No, it is quite coincidental that this is trending now, though. I had thought about the song the other day, so I looked up the lyrics and the videos were some of the top results. The song was popular when I was young." He explains to you, gazing at you from beyond his eyelashes. Your mouth forms an 'o' shape as you nod in understanding.

"So you don't think it's stupid or anything?" You ask, once again raising an eyebrow. Fyodor seems to think for a moment, gathering his thoughts. "Sort of. I don't really understand the 'slavic-core' thing. I suppose it's appreciation though, and that is refreshing to see." He says, shrugging as his finger rests on his chin. "That's fair." You say, before grabbing your phone and deleting the clip. You look to see if Fyodor is going anywhere before restarting the timer only to be met with him staring back at you. "Should I leave while you film?" He asks with a tilt of his head, his damp hair cascading towards the right side. You hesitantly shake your head, grabbing his hand gently. "No, no, you can stay. You did the hat thing for me, so I don't wanna kick you out." You say. He smiles and sits down on the couch, his soft stare fixated upon your body as the countdown started again.

You blushed, covering the bottom half of your face with your hand as you backed up again. The music started up again and you did the little routine once more, your boyfriend low key amused as he watched with a neutral face. You finished it and retrieved your phone with your tongue poking out of the corner of your mouth as you watched the video over. You thought it was cute, so you wrote out a caption and tags and posted it. Fyodor was still staring at you when you looked back over at him. "What?" He let out a small amused chuckle. "You just look sort of silly, my dear." He says. An embarrassed smile pulls at the corners of your lips as you sigh and nod. "Yeah, I could imagine." You murmur against the skin of your fingers. He pulls you closer to him by your waist, pressing two soft kisses to your side, mimicking the 'mwah' sound in the audio, making you blush a little before trying to push his head away from your body.

"Stop teasing me." you playfully say as he hums against the fabric of your shirt. "I'm not teasing you, Moya lyubov, I'm just reenacting your little video." He claims. You run your fingers through his hair and sigh. Your couldn't complain though, after all, he did let you borrow his favorite hat to participate in the trend.

A/n; hope y'all enjoy this because if I flop.

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jeonwonoow · 3 months

Text

Chapter 3. A love triangle

warnings: just kissing lol

taglist: @miraes-world @viewvuu

—

"Where do you think are you taking me?" You ask Wonwoo as he drags you out of the building, to the parking lot. He stops but he doesn't let you go, tightening his grip on you even. "Let go of me or I'll scream."

Your threat didn't make him budge a bit. Wonwoo only looked at you, eyebrows a little furrowed. "If I proved to you that I never cheated and I didn't get Yubin pregnant, does it even matter anymore? You seem like you wanna live without knowing the whole truth at this point, Y/N. I'm trying. I still am. You weren't the only one in pain. I never planned - hell, I never even thought about losing you."

You looked down and he slowly let go of your wrist. That action made your heart ache a thousand times more. You wanted him to let go of you but you also wanted him to hold you, and he did the first one. "I chose her because I thought I got her pregnant too. I never chose her because I wanted her. I had you. I only wanted to be with you. But remember? Neither of us didn't want to take away that child's chance to grow up with a family.

"Y/N, I still love you. I never stopped." It's true. He would always ask Soonyoung for help although he never showed up until now because Wonwoo knew you still felt this way, that you'd still react like how you did the first couple of his attempts to apologize. "Tell me, do you still...do you still want me?"

"I don't wanna be a homewrecker, Wonwoo." You gulp, still looking on the ground.

"You didn't answer my question," he says, voice lower. "Say it. To my face." You kept your mouth shut and turned away from him. "Y/N," Wonwoo calls again. "Are you gonna shut me out again?"

"I don't-" your voice cracks and your eyes find the comforting gaze of Myungho who's approaching with Mingyu. "I don't wanna ruin a relationship."

"He wasn't mine. The child. I didn't marry Yubin." You don't know how many times you've heard it from Soonyoung and Hayoon, but hearing it from him squeezed your heart so hard. But you were selfish, too prideful to accept it no matter how sincere Wonwoo sounded. You walked into Myungho's arms as if what Wonwoo said did not matter.

"Why?" Myungho asks softly as he strokes the back of your head, while Mingyu walks up to his friend, giving him a man hug before dragging him away but Wonwoo's eyes don't leave you, taking in the pain seeing you hugging that man whom he thinks owns your heart now.

—

You put Myungho's dress shirt on his desk and sat down with pursed lips. He told you he'll just take it home after you stained it when you cried on his chest but you insisted on washing it yourself.

"Do you feel better, Ma'am?" He asks and you only chuckle at the name.

"Yes, Sir," you answer. "Are we...are we still partnering with ONETech?"

Myungho let out a deep sigh and nodded. "Don't worry. If you're not comfortable, I'll let someone else cover you for our meetings." You respond by shaking your head 'no'. It's a personal problem you have with Wonwoo which you shouldn't take to work.

Myungho gets up and walks to you, taking your hand and making you stand up with him. He puts both hands on your waist and he pulls you closer. If you said you don't get flustered over Myungho, that'd be a lie. "Okay. But if there's anything wrong, tell me." He inches even closer until you both could feel the hotness of each other's breaths. "If it gets heavy for you, then carry it with me. I don't want you getting hurt."

Before you know it, your lips are pressed on his, moving along with his rhythm. And your hands find their way to the back of his head, fingers entangling with his hair. Myungho couldn't stop himself. You couldn't either. The last time you made out with someone, it was Wonwoo. Of course you've fooled around a few times after you two ended but you never let any man kiss you on the lips. You couldn't. But why Myungho?

When Myungho pulled away, you wanted to chase him. Maybe you felt needy. But you came to your senses and stepped back, giving him doe eyes, almost asking what just happened without saying a word. Myungho gave back just the same look and tilted his head before laughing it off when he noticed that you didn't get mad nor were you gonna protest at all. "I'm sorry! I've moved on. I swear."

"We're friends, right?"

"Of course, ma'am."

—

You accidentally push the door close too hard, making your heart pound at the sound. You had to check on the door knob to make sure you didn't damage it, then you turned to rest your back on the door. You just kissed your boss.

Before that scene completely floods your mind, you notice a bouquet of tulips on your desk. But you both just reminded yourselves you're just friends (who just kissed). "Ah! Seo Myungho!"

J. WW

You hated how easy you get overwhelmed by things. It's starting again. Just after kissing your boss-slash-friend, you receive a bouquet from your ex.

—

"Hayoon, I can't," you cry that night, sitting at the porch of Hayoon and Soonyoung's house. "I can't do this. No. I-"

"Calm down," Hayoon gives your thigh a gentle slap. "I thought we'd be too old for boy problems," she laughs. "So, Wonwoo's back in the scene and you're confused about Myungho? I thought you rejected him before?"

"I did. Like, twice, I don't know." You were touching your lips as you spoke, remembering how his soft lips glided with them. "I know we're friends, he knows we're friends. Friends don't kiss on the lips. And- and I feel bad that friends don't."

Hayoon gasps, her other hand covering her mouth and the other pointing at you. "You feel bad because you want more?" You kick the air continuously while covering your face. "You may just be touch-deprived. Don't overthink. You don't like him. I'm team Wonwoo."

"Shut up." You sulk again. "That too. I pushed him away for nothing. I was wrong all this time."

"We've been telling you, Y/N. Wonwoo would never hurt you like that. Yubin was crazy, you should've known she tricked all of us."

All this time, you believed what you first heard. Then you became selfish and prideful. So much that nothing would change your mind and how you feel.

"If...if you were me, would you forgive him? Would you tell him it's all good now? Would you have the guts to face him and say it to his face after shutting him out for so long?" You ask Hayoon and she scoots closer, hugging you from your side.

Hayoon rests her cheek on your shoulder and you feel her nodding. "I'd be so ashamed but knowing Wonwoo, especially if it's you, he'd understand. But it's all up to you. You decide your own pace. Wonwoo is willing to wait until you're ready for him again. Even if it takes three more years, five, ten."

"We'd be old and gray then," you start crying again at the thought. "I hate myself!"

You didn't notice the footsteps approaching as you cried in Hayoon's embrace. Wonwoo leans on a wooden post on the porch with his arms crossed as he watches you. Hayoon only chuckles as she shoo him away with a hand, telling him to get inside. She rolls her eyes when Wonwoo sticks his tongue out and smirks after.

When you open your eyes, the first thing you see are his pair of shoes and the ends of his slacks. You immediately look up and just as fast, you look away while wiping your tears. His smirk morphs into a gentle smile and he walks closer to ruffle your hair before leaving you with Hayoon. It only made you stain the cheeks you just wiped with your tears again.

Wonwoo helped Soonyoung get the table ready while Hayoon walked you into the house, Hyungjun greeted you with a smile while chewing the tail of his stuffed dinosaur which Hayoon immediately took. "Honey, don't bite that."

"Oi!" Soonyoung's loud voice made you turn your head to the dining area.

"You-" you hiss at him. "You're setting us up again, are you?"

"Excuse me? You didn't even give us prior notice!"

"Hey, hey," Wonwoo covers Soonyoung's mouth, stopping him from being too loud while laughing. The scene looked almost like a flashback to whenever you guys gathered at Soonyoung's apartment when you were in college. "Nobody told me you're coming, Y/N. But if you're not comfortable, I can le-"

"No, I- it's okay, Wonu." Everyone turned to you with round eyes and as if on cue, Hyungjun lets out the purest giggle. "Come on! It's just his nickname!"

Only Soonyoung was blabbering stuff during the dinner. Not even Hayoon was talking a lot to support her husband due to the awkwardness.

"How old is Junnie again?" Wonwoo asks, eyes gently fixed at the kid who's been playing with his baby food. "Looks like a mini Soonyoung."

"He's one year old," Soonyoung happily answers but his smile falls when a spoonful of Hyungjun's food comes flying onto his cheek, making all of you laugh except him. "Right, right. Laugh at me, especially you two," the dad squints eyes at you and Wonwoo who are sitting next to each other. "Just wait till you get a baby." Hayoon was quick to kick her husband under the table.

"Crazy," Wonwoo comments and laughs it off awkwardly while looking at you, your lips pursed while you poke on your food with your chopsticks. "Just eat."

—

The end of an episode of the TV show you were watching in their living room after dinner signals you that it's already almost ten in the evening. Soonyoung already went inside their room earlier to put their son to sleep, while Hayoon stayed with you and Wonwoo, talking about stuff from college and what you're busy with at the moment. You just got to know that Wonwoo just came back two months ago from Japan.

"I think I should get going," you lean forward, getting ready to stand up from the couch. The two also get up and walk to the door with you.

"Are you gonna ride the taxi?" Hayoon worriedly asks because you didn't bring your car today. Wonwoo looks at you with worried eyes too. You just nod.

"I'll take care of her then. Thank you for the dinner, Yoonie."

"Mm, you two, send me a message when you're home, okay?"

You walk to the side of the road as soon as Hayoon closes the door. Wonwoo was fast to block you from going any further. "I'll drive you home. It's late, Y/N."

"Why did you send me a bouquet?"

"Just because...? I can't?" Wonwoo raises an eyebrow and your words get stuck on your throat. "Mingyu told me Myungho isn't your boyfriend. So, can I? May I? Y/N?"

"Don't." You frown. Wonwoo gulps and you could almost hear it due to the silence of the night.

—

"Why were you in Japan?" You ask when he started his engine. Wonwoo's surprised you're initiating a conversation.

"Work? What else?"

"Family?" There you go again. You look outside the window and Wonwoo opens it for you. He still remembers how you'd always ask for it whenever you two went on road trips. There was something about the wind whenever you rode as his passenger. It always felt cold yet warm.

He chuckles in disbelief at your question though. "Y/N, I already told you, that kid wasn't mine. Yubin actually got married to the real father of her son." You furrow your eyebrows but you don't look at him. "She was so obsessed with your boyfriend back then that she tricked everyone even though she knew the truth. And your boyfriend was stupid."

After that, the ride went quiet. You're getting eaten by guilt and shame, but Wonwoo seemed okay over all. It didn't matter to him that you did or did not believe him. What matters was that you're with him.

"Where do I drive you to? Did you move out of the flat we shared?" He asks and you nod. Understandable. You had all sorts of memories there.

You lean onto his dashboard, opening his gps on the infotainment system. The map shows he's been driving in the opposite direction and you didn't even tell him until now. "You're trying to spend more time with me now, I see."

"I'm just wasting your gas, dummy."

#wonwoo #jeon wonwoo #wonwoo fluff #wonwoo smut #wonwoo x reader #wonwoo angst #hoshi #kwon soonyoung #seventeen x reader #svt x reader #xu minghao #minghao #kim mingyu #the8 #jeonwonoow : works

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waywardxwords · 6 months

Text

The Fix - Part 3

Summary: Everyone has a past, but yours seemed to haunt you. You've tried to move forward with a normal life, but the day comes when that's not possible anymore. When Sheriff Beau Arlen enters your life, you're certain he is going to judge you just like everyone else in town does. But something about Beau is different.

Warnings: Child abduction, mentions of domestic violence, slight language (maybe? I feel like maybe not in this chapter, but honestly it's me, so there may be one or two slipped in there. Adding it here to cover myself lol)

Word Count: ~2.5k

There were multiple deputies coming and going from your home. Mo seemed to be the constant—he was the only one who actually came inside. He wanted to make sure you had water and he tried to get you to eat (tried being the key word). But you were glued to the television. The search had begun, but they weren’t showing much. You had only seen Beau once on your screen, but you assumed they were trying to be inconspicuous with where they searched, just in case Jackson was watching.

Matt, the FBI agent, had stopped by. You assured him you didn’t know anything about the press conference or the search. The anger you felt around Beau ditching you had mostly diminished. But now it was replaced by anxiety, fear and this deep despair that you couldn't fix.

Mo had been gracious enough to close Bailey’s bedroom door when he spotted you staring from the doorway with tears falling down your face.

“She’s probably cold and tired,” you muttered as he approached.

“It’s going to be okay, ma’am. We’re going to find her,” his words were meant to be comforting, but you knew he couldn’t make you any promises. So now you waited, because you didn’t know what else to do.

It had been hours. You had practically paced foot trails in your hardwood as you walked. But you heard the sound of tires against the gravel and you darted to the front porch. Mo had stopped you long enough for Beau to open the driver’s door and step out onto the gravel. But after that, you wiggled out of his grasp and headed straight for the Sheriff.

Your feet carried you quickly through the trail of the headlights until you reached him. Instinctively, your hands reached out to grasp at his jacket lapels. “Have you found anything?” Your words were rushed and your heart thumped heavy in your chest.

Beau’s hands gently gripped your shoulders and you watched as he carefully chose his words. “Not yet. Let’s get inside, okay?”

Your knees buckled at his words. As you wanted to move, you struggled and Beau could see that. With one hand on your lower back, he led you past the deputies and into the house. Even though the kitchen was warm, your body shuddered.

“There’s nothing you can tell me? No signs of them? Do you have any leads?” You turned towards the tall man and saw that same sympathetic look across his face. “And for the love of God, can you please wipe that sad look off your face?! I’m so sick of everyone in this damn town feeling sorry for me.”

Beau nodded and averted his gaze. “I get it,” he leaned back against your countertop and folded his arms across his chest. “Listen, when I came in as interim Sheriff, this town wasn’t too sure of me. Hell, if I remember correctly, you weren’t too sure of me, either,” he eyed you with his brows raised. You didn’t even realize that he hadn’t addressed any of your questions. Your brain felt like you were running on fumes. “I know what it’s like to have people talkin’ and lookin’. Maybe not for the same reasons, but I still understand.”

You bit at the inside of your lip and begged the tears to stop flooding your eyes. You were sick of crying. “I know they can’t understand why I didn’t leave him sooner,” you mumbled as your eyes stared at the hardwood below your house shoes.

“That’s not anybody’s business but your own,” Beau spoke firmly. “You don’t owe anyone anything, you hear me?” You nodded and wiped angrily at your face. “Now, I already know you’re gonna fight me on this…but I need you to try to get some sleep.”

Your head shot upward and you stared at him like he had two heads. “Yeah, right,” you huffed. “First of all, it’s like 9:30…I don’t go to bed this early on a normal night. Secondly, there’s no way in hell I could sleep right now even if I wanted to.”

Beau stared at you blankly for a moment before he glanced at the clock in your microwave. “Darlin’, it’s after midnight.” Your eyes followed his gaze where the little green numbers clearly read 12:01. You didn’t have a clue how that was remotely possible. “And I know it’s not easy, but you bein’ sleep deprived isn’t gonna do us any favors.”

“Beau…” you started with a look across your face that said you couldn’t do it.

“I’m gonna be here, I’ll keep an eye on the place and an ear out to make sure there aren’t any leads,” his words reassured you. Beau seemed to understand you would never ask him to stay in the first place. “I know you don’t feel like you can trust me,” his gaze stayed on you to try to prove his words. “But I promise you, I’m handlin’ Bailey as I would my own daughter. We’ve enlisted other departments and law enforcement outside of Big Sky. We’re gonna get your girl back. I just need you to be in the right frame of mind when we do.”

“I don’t even feel tired, Beau,” it was a partial truth. Adrenaline had been coursing through you for hours now. But your body felt the weight of the exhaustion.

“Well, let me make you a hot cup of tea and we can at least sit on the couch and chat for a bit,” he tried to reason. “How’s that sound?”

You contemplated for a moment. “Fair enough,” you knew you weren’t going to win this fight.

Beau made his way around your kitchen. You redirected him to an electric hot water kettle and then to the tea bags and mugs. You busied yourself with finding the honey in the pantry before settling on a stool as he waited on the hot water.

“So,” he glanced over his shoulder at you as he prepared a chamomile tea bag in a mug for you. “Tell me, have you always lived in Big Sky?” Most people had been born and raised in this town.

“No,” you sighed. “I’m from Pittsburgh. I came out to Big Sky for a backpacking trip with some girlfriends about seven years ago.” You had assumed everyone in this town knew your story, but you had to remind yourself Beau wasn’t from this town, either.

“Ah, fell in love with the mountains?” He asked nonchalantly.

There was a pause before you continued. “Or fell in love with a person I thought I could fix.”

“That’ll do it,” Beau replied as the kettle flipped off once it was done boiling the water. He pulled it from the hot plate and poured some water over the tea bag. “I don’t mean to look at you like I feel bad for you,” he said gently as he fixated on the cup of tea. When you didn’t say anything, he realized you weren’t following. “Earlier, when you said you were tired of the way everyone in this town was lookin’ at you. I just wanted to say I didn’t mean to look at you any kinda way.”

He walked with the mug over where you sat on the bar stool and placed it in front of you. “Oh,” you breathed, not really sure what to say in response.

“I guess for me it’s easy to see that you’re a good person,” he held your gaze with his eyes. For a moment, you got lost in the mossy hues and speckles of gold and brown. “I see a lotta people get mixed up with the wrong ones. You didn’t deserve that.”

His words were simple, but they hit you harder than you had anticipated. You had blamed yourself for a lot of things that happened over the last few years. The warning signs you had avoided, or the red flags you had written off.

“I’ll never regret what I went through,” you said softly. “Because if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have Bailey.” Her name brought a blur over your eyes once more.

“And that’s what makes you a good mother,” he said. “We make sacrifices for our kids, and they’re sacrifices people might not understand. But they don’t have to. I meant it when I said you don’t owe anyone any sorta explanation.”

“I do feel like I owe you somewhat of an explanation. You’re here because of me in the middle of the night when you could be at home sleeping right now,” you felt comfortable talking to Beau, though you still weren’t ready to admit it entirely. There was something about the way he had jumped into action when he heard how distraught you were on the phone, and how he blatantly disregarded the FBI’s request to stay in his own lane when it came to this case.

“Sleep and I aren’t friends these days anyway, darlin’,” he chuckled. “You can’t really value sleep when you become the Sheriff.” You nodded and glanced down at your mug. “If you wanna talk about it, I’m all ears. But just know you don’t have to.”

A sigh escaped your lips, but for the first time since you realized Bailey was missing, a small smile tugged at the corners. “Let’s go to the living room. It’s comfier.” You slipped off of the stool and grabbed your mug before you led the way to the couch nestled against a wall in the next room.

Beau took a seat next to you but left enough room between you so it wouldn’t be uncomfortable. You set your mug down on the end table before you continued.

“My ex, Jackson,” you began. “I knew he was broken when we met…I just didn’t realize how broken.” Your eyes didn’t meet Beau’s, but you knew he was listening. “But I couldn’t walk away. My mama always said I would take in a hundred stray cats, if I could, just so I could fix them up and take care of them.” You picked at the skin around one of your fingernails as a distraction. “Too bad I didn’t just adopt a cat, right?” You managed a chuckle.

Beau looked sympathetic again, and it made you want to groan. His silence urged you to continue.

“So, we moved faster than we should’ve…my family hated Jackson. They never trusted him, rightfully so,” you explained. “But we got married anyway. At that point, I knew he had struggled with addiction in the past, but I wasn’t going to let it stop me from loving him. I just didn’t know he was dealing and getting mixed up with the big drug bosses on the side…” this was the point in the story where you always started to feel really stupid, for lack of a better word. Your fingers continued to wreak havoc on your cuticles, a nervous habit.

From the other side of the couch, you felt Beau’s calloused palm fall on top of your hands. His movement halted the picking and pulling your fingers were doing around your nail. You raised your head to look at him.

“Sometimes we have blinders on...but love always has a way to make us see what we wanna see,” his voice was low.

“But it wasn’t love, Beau. It was never love,” you shook your head and repeated the words you had practiced with your therapist in so many sessions before. “The only love that ever came out of that relationship was Bailey… I was thankful for her for so many reasons.” Your gaze shifted again, because this was your least favorite part of your story. “He didn’t start hitting me until well after we were married…but he stopped once I got pregnant. I thought it had changed–he had changed. I thought that was the end. But as soon as she was born, it started up again.”

“Hey,” Beau’s voice was firm and it forced you to look at him again. “That isn’t your fault. You hear me?” His eyes were dark, almost and his brows knitted together.

“It’s hard to recognize that sometimes,” you answered honestly.

“Well, you just lemme know when you’re being down on yourself and I’ll remind you,” his words kind of surprised you. You didn’t know Beau. And though he knew parts about your life, he didn’t really know you, either.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” You asked, your voice just barely above a whisper.

He hesitated only for a moment before he answered. “Bein’ a Sheriff gives me really good intuition when it comes to people,” he started. “And I can tell, you’re good people.” This time, you reached for his hand and gave it a squeeze. You saw a look you couldn’t quite place mirror in his eyes. “Besides, I know what it’s like to be the outcast. Everybody’s just waitin’ for you to fail.”

Your brows pulled together at what he had said. “This town loves you, Beau. I know people are a little unsure at first. People who are from here don’t really know anything else. The big, bad Sheriff from Texas was hard to accept at first.”

A soft chuckle left his lips as he seemed to study you. “Oh, yeah? Was that why you didn’t trust me? Big, bad Sheriff from Texas, an’ all,” his grin made a dimple hollow out underneath his stubble on his cheek. You hadn’t noticed that before.

“I didn’t not trust you,” it was a fib, but you felt bad now that he had called it out.

“Ha!” He couldn’t help the louder laugh. “Yeah, okay.” He said sarcastically. “The first time I showed up over here, your demeanor was colder than frickin’ ice.”

Heat rose in your cheeks as you recalled the first time you had met Beau. “Sorry,” you felt bad about how you treated him the first time you had met months ago. “Law enforcement was always showing up here. I felt like a suspect, when I was the victim. Nobody believed that I would leave Jackson, so when they were looking for him, the whole town assumed the battered wife took him back. I felt…degraded. Worthless, just about.”

Beau softened at your words. “Hey, in all seriousness, I don’t blame you. Didn’t blame ya then, definitely don’t now.”

“Thanks for that,” you smiled at him. He matched yours, and you felt that same flutter in your chest.

He nodded once, then cleared his throat. “I really need ya to try to get some sleep,” he eyed you with raised brows. “It’s late, and tomorrow’s gonna be a long day.”

A sigh fell from your lips but you nodded. “Okay,” you stood from your place on the couch and reached for your mug of tea. “I’ll try. No promises, though.”

“Give it a fair shot and I’ll be happy,” he smiled as he stood while you left the room.

“Night, Beau,” you glanced back at him over your shoulder. In the moment, you felt like you could get used to seeing him in your living room.

“Night, darlin’,” he crooned. As you padded to your bedroom at the end of the hallway, you felt exhaustion wash over you. You felt safe for the first time in a long time.

All of that would change just a few short hours later when you awoke to gunshots.

I'm so sorry--I NEVER do cliffhangers...please don't hate me, lol. To be fair, I'm going to include a preview of the next chapter below that will hopefully hold you over until Saturday! I'm just barely getting this out (this has been written for a while but I did a quick read through to edit--my family has had the freaking stomach virus since Saturday so I'm STRUGGLING over here today, so I probably missed some errors, apologies in advance). Thank you for all of the feedback, likes and shares! I appreciate you all <3

Side note: If I'm a reader on something you're writing and I haven't sent feedback in the last 5/6 days, it's coming, I promise! I'm hoping to get caught up on my Tumblr reads this evening after my kiddo is in bed.

New installments posted on Wednesdays and Saturdays!

A preview of the next chapter to hold you over:

Pop, pop, pop.

The sound was nauseating and caused you to bolt upright in your bed. You were disoriented and confused—you didn’t even remember falling asleep.

Beau’s voice was muffled through your closed bedroom door. “Jackson, drop the gun!” He demanded with a tone you hadn’t heard him use before. “Nobody else needs to get hurt.” He said firmly.

Nobody else? Your heart was in your throat. Bailey.

You pulled on the metal doorknob and swung it open so hard that it bounced against the wall. It was so loud that it caused Beau to flinch slightly, but as you stepped into the hall you realized his focus was fixated on someone in your kitchen, his gun drawn and aimed in that direction.

“Darlin’, I’m gonna need you to stay put,” Beau’s tone had shifted slightly—it was more gentle—but his gaze remained locked on the person in your kitchen.

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starcrossedxwriter · 6 months

Text

Wicked Fantasies Part 7 (MBJ x OC)

Warnings: harassment, public sex, the usual BDSM warnings apply heavilyyyy lol

A/N: Umm this is a fun one! Mostly fluff with a little drama lol We're getting into the holiday spirit with a couple time jumps so enjoyyy!

***

“I have a surprise for you,” Michael whispered, chuckling as Raven tucked herself deeper into the covers.

They had been out at a party until late and then Michael proceeded to have his way with her at his condo until the wee hours of the morning. Her body still ached from the suspension ropes he hung her from for over an hour. It was her first introduction into true restraints and bondage and she enjoyed it far more than she thought she would. And now, all she and her limbs wanted to do was burrow in her covers and sleep all day.

“Is the surprise a hot bath?” she called, her words still muffled by the heavy duvet cover.

“Nah.”

“Ok well then I hate surprises,” she mumbled, causing Michael to laugh.

“Come on, this is a fun one. I promise!”

She groaned and dramatically flopped the covers from over her face and pouted. “I was a really good girl last night and this is my reward? Being woken up at ungodly hours?”

Michael raised an eyebrow and glanced down at his Apple Watch. “It’s 10 am, baby.”

Her heart fluttered at the word baby, her eyes casting downward as she tried to limit the smile that wanted to bloom on her lips. She still was not used to it yet. To the world and everyone around them, nothing had changed. But for them, everything had changed. They were a real couple, bonafide and no longer faking or pretending. There was a new intimacy to it that she had not expected. And freedom. It was so clear to her now how much both of them had been holding back, how muted what they felt for each other truly was before. Because now, they could both experience the full breadth of their love for each other, could express it and receive it. And it made both of them wonder if they had ever experienced true romantic love before each other. Because this was everything and so much more.

Everything felt lighter and easier. And yet, Raven could not help but feel like there was a dark cloud looming over them, a deep-seeded fear that everything she felt would be taken away. Perhaps she was just worried that, even if they were telling the truth about their romance now, they had started off as a lie. It did not seem like the steadiest of foundations. However, she chose to brush those fears aside. They were just her doubts and insecurities talking. She had never felt for a man like she felt for Michael, never felt so loved by someone. It felt good and she realized she never knew true happiness until now. Sure, there had been times when she was happy. But pure uninhibited bliss? That was only a state Michael could bring out in her.

“So what’s this big surprise?” She asked as she stretched her body long in the bed before sliding out.

Her slippers shuffled against the floor as she made her way to his bathroom to get ready for the day.

“Wouldn’t be a big surprise if I told you now, would it?”

“I hate you,” she grumbled, though the smile on her face let him know that was a complete and utter lie.

“You weren’t sayin’ that last night… in fact, I distinctly remember making you scream the exact opposite,” he mused as his fingers played with the delicate thin strap of her night gown as he moved it to the side to press delicate kisses against her warm skin. “Over and over and over again. Maybe I need to give you a refresher.”

She smirked and decided to play the brat, excited for where the experience could take her. “Seems like the first lesson didn’t stick… not a very effective teacher it seems, Mr. Jordan.”

Michael chuckled. “You’re gon’ regret that shit. But lucky for you, we gotta get to the house soon so I ain’t got time to put you in your place. But tonight, that ass is mine.”

Raven clenched her thighs together and grinned. Of course, he was not too foolish to not realize that was the exact outcome she wanted.

The pair listened to music as they got dressed in comfortable clothes and drove over to Michael’s family’s house. Everyone was there, hot chocolate and breakfast waiting. The entire entry way was filled with bins and boxes of ornaments, decorations, and trees.

“What’s all this?”

Michael smiled. “Well ma don't let December 1 pass without ensuring the house is decorated so figured you could help us out this year. I remember you tellin’ me your grandma would let you decorate her tree and thought you might like it.”

Raven felt everything inside her melt and her eyes well up with tears. He seemed to remember literally everything she told him.

“Y-Yea I would like that,” she offered, her throat tight as she tried not to cry.

“Don’t cry, Rae,” he laughed, pulling her into a hug. “It was supposed to make you happy.”

“I am happy,” she whispered pitifully as her tears stained his sweater.

“My cute crybaby,” he kissed her on the top of her head. “Ok, no tears on decorating day or moms’ll never let you live it down. Come on.”

Raven laughed and wiped them away before following him into the kitchen. Everyone greeted her with hugs and smiles. All of them joked around and talked as they ate the delicious breakfast Michael’s mom prepared. Raven felt as if she had gained 10 pounds since spending more time at Michael’s house.

“Ok baby girl,” Michael gestured toward the many decorations in his foyer. “You get to be creative director. We got four trees.”

Raven’s eyes bugged out of her head. “Four trees??”

“One in here, one in the living room, one upstairs and then one in the basement.”

Raven let out a breathy chuckle as she took in his matter of fact tone, as if to say everyone had enough space for four trees.

She studied the available decorations before pulling all of them out and sectioning them off. And before she knew it, Christmas music blared on the speakers and the troops went to work, decorating all four trees. Michael and Raven were in charge of the second largest one in his family room, Raven needing a ladder to decorate the full thing.

The pair had a ball decorating, Michael thoroughly amused at Raven’s strong opinions on how to fluff out a fake tree. She had a professional eye for detail that he had not expected as she worked. But there was a playfulness to all of it, a joy that made him thankful he went this route instead of his usual. She sang loudly with the music playing, knowing every word to every song that came on. And her entire body practically bounced around as they finished their tree and she went to go help with the others.

By the time they finished dinner and stowed away all the extra decorations and cleaned up, they were exhausted. Everyone else had gone to bed, leaving Michael and Raven on his couch with cups of hot chocolate, spiked to Michael’s preference, and a movie playing in the background.

Raven could barely look at the movie though as her eyes kept traveling to the two trees that were within eyesight and all the random Christmas decorations they had spread across his house. She felt as if she had stepped into a winter wonderland.

“You did a great job as creative director,” he whispered as he watched her eyes study the tree Raven was in charge of. “Still mad at this surprise?”

It was beautiful, decorated in soft colors of white, rose, and gold with small white lights. It was not the pristine and perfectly symmetrical tree he usually had in his living room, towering and professionally decorated to the point that it could have been in a magazine. No, every aspect of the 11 ft tree was done painstakingly, in Michael’s opinion, by hand. But something about it was more beautiful than any other Christmas tree he had ever had as an adult. It was crafted with love and attention and care, it was homey and perfect.

She smiled. “No, you were right… It was a fun one. But I know you usually hire someone to do it.”

“Who told you that?”

“Your dad accidentally let it slip,” she chuckled. “It’s not as good as a real decorator could do. Not as… refined or perfect,” she scoffed, bowing her head, her own insecurities seeping in. That was her too… not refined enough or good enough to be on the arm of someone like him, to be in his life in this way. He could call her his girlfriend but her doubt about whether she deserved the designation still lingered like weeds.

His finger lifted her eyes back to his. “It’s perfect… exactly what the house needed but didn’t realize.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Don’t think we’re talkin’ about trees anymore.”

“Don’t think we ever were,” he winked at her.

Silence fell over them as they cuddled on the couch. Michael stared down at her, wondering if this was finally his chance. There was so much he still wanted to know about her, so much she revealed but still kept from him. He understood it but he wanted to consume every little thing there was to know about her, even the things that were hard to share. He wanted to help her carry her baggage or help her unpack it and set it down where she could.

And there was one thing, one story, that she kept from him as much as she could. The one major thing about her life he still did not have the answer to but desperately wanted it.

“You ever gon’ tell me?” He asked quietly as Raven shifted so she was leaning her back against his chest.

“Tell you what?” She threw him a confused glance. He knew everything worth knowing about her.

“Why you stopped writing? You said you’d tell me one day.”

Her face fell. She was not sure where she thought the conversation was going to go but it was not there. She supposed she was not going to be able to keep it a secret forever, particularly not when she revealed it to the whole dinner table at Thanksgiving by accident.

“Not that interesting of a story, I’m afraid.” She tried to downplay it as she shifted uncomfortably. And it wasn’t, half the women she knew had a story like hers, varying degrees of awfulness but the story was unfortunately common.

“Then tell me.” At her silence, he amended. “You don’t have to tell me anything, Rae. I just… want to know everything about you and if you’re up for sharing, I wanna hear it.”

She sat up and turned to face him, her nails tapping against the ceramic mug as she brought her legs beneath her.

“Just your typical ‘men ain’t shit’ story.” At his confused glance, she elaborated. “The first editor I had at my publisher was a woman and she was amazing. Worked with her on my first book and it was great. By the time it came out, we were starting to edit and refine the second and I had signed my contract for it. And… she had a baby and decided to be a stay at home mom. My new editor, this guy… he was good, great at his job. Nice enough to be unsuspecting and unassuming. But I could tell… well, I could tell he was attracted to me? Or liked me, you know? But I ignored it, figured as long as he didn’t try anything, it wouldn’t be a problem. One night, we were working late on his edits for the book and he… made a pass at me.”

Michael’s eyes immediately darkened as if he knew exactly where the story was headed. She could immediately feel a shift in his whole demeanor, his outrage wafted off of him. And something about it was incredibly sexy… that he was so angry for her.

She smiled. “Relax�� you can put Killmonger back in his cage,” she teased with a soft smile. “He didn’t do that. I said no a-and he pushed, but I held firm. I’m not above using my body to get what I want… that much is obvious but I like for it to be my choice, not some asshole taking it away from me. Anyway, finally, he accepted that no meant no so we called it a night and I went home. All he had done was make me uncomfortable, he hadn’t hurt me or anything, so I figured he would just apologize and we’d both move on. A week later, my agent called and said that they weren’t gonna move forward with my book. I was no longer a fit for their publishing house.”

Michael could still hear the pain and frustration that had been caused in her voice, despite her best efforts to keep the tone light.

“The contract I signed after I submitted the draft gave them distribution rights for three years so I got a year and some change to go. I tried to think of new ideas, you know, write other stuff in the meantime but he blacklisted me from damn near every publishing house worth anything. So my agent dropped me. And then I was… just too tired to write anything after that. Like he had just taken all of life for it out of me?” She paused for a moment before continuing. “I was hoping to use the time to save up to eventually self publish the second one when I can but my family’s made that difficult,” she chuckled. “So yea… doing my 3 year bid and then I’ll be free. It won’t make me the same amount of money, but there’s freedom in self-publishing I guess. Being your own boss.”

“I’m sorry. No one deserves that.” He figured it was something along those lines but it did not make it any easier to hear.

She shrugged. “No, they don’t. But what can I say? I’m a magnet for shitty people.” Her tone attempted to lighten the mood but it fell flat. “Or… I dunno… too trusting of people who haven’t earned it,” she mused. “But if I wasn’t so trusting, I wouldn’t be here… with you. And I would’ve hated to miss out on this.”

“I’d like to believe God would’ve helped us find our way to each other without you having to go through trauma and concussions,” he pushed her hair behind her ear.

“Yea maybe. But without all that, I wouldn’t be the woman you love.”

“How do you do that?” Michael asked quietly.

“What?”

“Find the silver lining in everything? One bad breakup had me showin’ my entire ass for years and you… you’ve seen the worst people have to offer. How do you even trust people after all this?”

Raven smiled and shifted so she could straddle his hips and sit in his lap. “It’s not easy… and some days, it feels like it’s not worth it. But… you remember Monique, that dancer I told you about? Well, my first night at the club was a fuckin’ disaster. I was 18, hella green and hella naive. I made like nothing in tips cause I sucked.” Michael loved how she laughed with her whole body as she reminisced on her memories. “And this drunk asshole tried to follow me out to my car and tried to get me to go home with him. Monique rolled up like a knight in shining armor and punched him square in the face. She gave me half her tips for the night and the next day, offered to teach me some moves and some fighting moves in case that ever happened again. The point is… For every terrible person I’ve come across that wanted to do me harm, I’ve run into someone who reminded that there’s more good out there than I know… as fuckin’ cliche as that sounds. So I just hold onto that. Just don’t… don’t ever want to be jaded? Let someone have the power to steal the inherent qualities that make me… me? No one should have that much power, you know?”

“One of the many things I love about you,” he whispered, tugging on her arm so she was in his lap.

Hearing the word love on his lips made her heart flutter every single time. Deep down in her soul she felt it in every way.

She rested her hands on his chest. “One of the ways? I’m that amazing??” She joked, causing him to shake his head.

“Yea. You are that amazing. How about we take our drinks upstairs and I can tell you all the ways?” He leaned in and nipped at her earlobe with his teeth causing an ache between her legs to grow.

“I’d rather you show me.”

“That’s a given, baby.”

***

Michael spied behind a bookshelf as Raven interacted with the young students filling the plush seating of the library’s gathering space. His heart wanted to burst as she talked to the students. He knew she only fell into this job as a result of a shitty situation but she was making the best of it. And he could not help but think that perhaps this was truly her calling in addition to writing. The kids seemed to love her and she seemed to love them back, all of their faces in bright smiles.

And for the first time, he found himself wondering what she would be like as a mom. And what their kids would be like. Michael always wanted kids but he figured it would not be in the cards for him any time soon. However, Raven made him want to think about that, and want to think about a future. And now, he saw those additional grandkids his mom wanted so badly as clear as day.

He counted, the club had almost 50 kids in it. They all looked like they ranged in age from middle school aged to seniors in high school.

“I got something for y’all,” she reached behind her and pulled out a couple of boxes of neatly wrapped gift bags. “It isn’t much but… what’s our last book club meeting before the holidays without a gift??”

The kids cheered as they all leapt out of their seats. Even he was curious as to what the gift could be. She had not even mentioned it to him.

He could tell they were personalized in some way as she handed them out one by one, checking each gift tag to make sure each kid got the right gift. She instructed the kids to wait to rip into them. Though it was clear that was a chore for most of them. Once the last kid, who Michael recognized as Jamal who he had met once before, had his in hand, stuffing paper started to fly.

Each kid pulled out a glittering sliver book embosser, a different book, and a handwritten card from Raven.

“What is it?” One of the girls in the class asked as she pushed her wide framed glasses up higher on her nose.

“You know those stickers that go on Oprah’s book club books?” All the kids nodded. “It’s like that but with your names and a bit more fun. It’s like a stamp you can put in the first page of your books. Y’all are all starting your own library collections, should have something that makes them a bit more unique. And the books are ones I think each of you would like. And the card is just a note from me ahead of the new year.”

“It’s kinda old school but cool. Like something vintage,” another girl offered as she tested out the embosser.

“Yea it’s like a typewriter or some shit. That’s dope, that’s dope,” Jamal remarked as he tested his out on the book in front of him.

Michael had to stifle his own laughter so as not to give himself away as Raven facepalmed herself and laughed.

“Like a typewriter. Wow. How old do y’all think I am??”

“You really want us to answer that?”

She shook her head immediately. “You know what… Point taken. Well I hope y’all like them and they aren’t too too old-school,” she offered with a smile as the group started to mutter excitedly to themselves as they tested out their new gadgets on their books.

“It isn’t much but just wanted to do something small to say Merry Christmas.” She glanced at the clock. “Oh I didn’t even see the time. Aight, we gotta wrap up, I’m sure some of your parents’ve been waiting outside for a while.” At their groans, she merely shook her head. “We are well past our hour and y’all aren’t gonna get me in trouble with your parents.”

She ushered the younger kids and some siblings to the door, each of their parents greeting her and chatting for a few moments before they walked their kids out to their cards or toward the street.

At that point, only a small group of older kids remained. “Alright, you know the drill - text me when you get home and stay in your groups, please.”

“We ain’t babies.”

“Yea and we all live like 5 minutes from here,” the girl with glasses remarked.

“I know y’all are basically grown. But humor me please. If one of you got hurt or lost, it’d take literal years off my life. You’re really doing it for my sanity over anything else,” she reasoned.

Raven got along with the kids so well because she was an adult they could relate to and trust but even she had to put on the hat of responsible adult occasionally, much to their collective chagrin. And that meant ensuring every kid made it the few blocks, bus ride, or into the car to get home.

“Yes, Ms. T.” All of their disgruntled murmurs filled the library as they headed out the door in small groups depending on where they lived. Thankfully, they were all friends so she knew they’d look out for each other.

“You can come outta hiding now,” she called, seemingly to no one in particular.

“Busted?” Michael asked as he emerged from the shelves to stare at her, an amused expression painted on her face.

“Yep… caught a glimpse of you scurrying behind that bookshelf. Better be glad the kids didn’t see you. You’re more than one of their celebrity crushes. They would’ve been all over you for a picture or a story or a reel or whatever they do on social these days.”

Michael let out a barking laugh. “You sound like an old lady.”

“I am an old lady… proudly,” she laughed. “And they know it too.”

“Those were sweet gifts you got them.”

She smiled. “Thanks. Despite well… everything, Christmas is my favorite time of the year. Everyone’s so caught up in the spirit and giving. It wasn’t much but I hoped it would put a smile on one of two of their faces. Did you hear them call me old school?? Super offensive,” she chuckled.

“Hella offensive.”

She raised an eyebrow at him. “Language, Mr. Jordan,” she winked at him playfully.

“You gonna discipline me, Ms. Turner?” He asked, closing the space between them, his breath tickling the skin on her neck as he leaned in to whisper in her ear.

Raven felt her whole body flush with heat. Fuck. For some foolish reason, she had worried the spark between them would fade once they settled into the normalcy and mundaneness of a real relationship. However, it had been the exact opposite. Somehow, everything he did only heightened her emotions and desire for him. She thought it was overwhelming before? Well, now it was all consuming and blinding.

“Maybe you should take me home and find out?” She whispered.

“What if I want to find out here?”

“Then I’d have to remind you that this is a public library… with cameras everywhere.”

He glanced around. “Come on, I bet you know one spot that ain’t got cameras, baby girl. I vaguely remember you saying you wanted to live out some fantasies. You gonna tell me sex in public ain’t one of them?”

Her eyes darkened with lust. She knew he knew that he had her. It was most certainly one, one of the more sinful ones she would admit. But it lacked practicality.

“This isn’t just in public, babe. This is my job,” she reminded him, her resolve growing weaker with every word. And he knew it.

“That makes it even more fun. Come on, baby. You know you want me to fuck you senseless in one of these shelves, want me to make you beg to come right here.”

Fucking hate him, she thought to herself. Her panties were soaked.

She grabbed his hand and led him up the stairs to the second floor, to a small far corner that she knew had no cameras in the vicinity. It also was ominously dark as some of the overhead lights had gone out earlier that week. She knew the library was utterly deserted and there was absolutely no chance of them getting caught, but still it made her nervous. But she supposed that was the entire point.

“Can’t believe we’re doing this…” she mumbled, more to herself than Michael. Not that having sex at work or in public had not been on her list of things to one day do. She did not think it would be this particular job.

“Relax and enjoy it,” he whispered in her ear before he pushed her forward, forcing her upper body against the cold wooden table in the corner.

She hissed slightly as the cold material touched her bare arms. She could already tell what this was going to be: quick and dirty… and her favorite: rough. His touch always had a gentleness to it, which she appreciated. However, she loved it when he was rough, when he left a mark to remind her whose exactly she was.

“You gon’ be quiet for me?”

“Yes.”

She yelped as a hard smack fell across her ass as he pushed her skirt up to her waist.

“Yes what?”

“Yes sir.”

“Good girl. But if that was any indication, don’t think you’re gonna keep quiet so…”

Before Raven could even react, Michael ripped her panties clean from her body and stuffed them into her mouth as a makeshift gag. The quickness of it, the bite of the material against her skin, and the mere act of being forced to taste herself made her moan. But it worked, the sound was muffled.

“That’s much better. And don’t let them fall out or I’ll light that ass up, understand?”

She nodded fervently. Her body shuddered as he wiped a finger over her clit.

“So wet for me.” He sucked her juices off his finger and moaned lightly. “You taste so good, baby girl.”

She wanted to say thank you or beg but she couldn’t, not with her panties muffling her voice.

She let out a guttural moan as he filled her in one stroke, the angle of the low table allowing him to get deep. One hand pushed her back deeper into the table as she squirmed. His strokes were deep and guttural, each one ending with jolt to her g spot.

He was not making love to her, he was not gentle. This was pure fucking, fast and furious and uninhibited and she loved it. Everything in her wanted to scream but she could not. But her muffled low moans filled the small space as he settled into a rhythm.

“You gon’ cum on this dick, you disgusting slut??”

She could only force her head up enough to nod slightly before falling back against the table. She did not even feel the pain of her thighs banging into the table with every thrust because she was so focused on him. The power of his thighs slamming against hers, the pressure of one had at the base of her neck while the other bit into the meat of her hip.

Where they were became irrelevant, the nervousness she felt about that fell away as every sense in her body focused on him and only him and the pleasure he so graciously provided her.

Her eyes screwed shut as waves of pleasure hit her with the force of a train. Usually she had time to warm up and prepare herself but not today. Today, she was merely a vessel for him to get off and she loved every second of it.

“Fuck… that’s it baby. Cum on this dick.” Michael was in heaven as her pussy clenched around him. He usually could last far longer than this but his body seemed to understand the point of a quickie. And so it did not take long for him to feel himself reaching the peak.

He groaned and held onto her tightly as he filled her with his cum, part of him wanting to collapse next to her. He leaned over her for a few moments to catch his breath before staggering back from her as he pulled his briefs and pants back up and righted himself.

Raven propped herself up on her elbows after letting her panties fall from her mouth. She glanced back at him with an incredulous look on her face as if she was still shocked that they just did that. Which made them both burst out into laughter.

“Well that was… definitely one for the books,” she remarked as she sat up and turned around. She leaned against the table, her panties bunched up in her hand, she gestured toward them. “That was a nice addition, Mr. Jordan. Seems like you punished me more than I did you though.”

“Eh you can punish me later, how about that?” He kissed her on the forehead before fishing her panties out of her hand and pushing them into his pocket with a wink. “Think I’ll keep those for the rest of the night. You can’t put ‘em back on.”

“Whose there??” An older man’s voice rang out causing both of them to scurry to fully right their clothing.

Raven cleared her throat as Michael helped her adjust her top and she emerged from the bookshelves.

“I-It’s just me, Mr. Robinson!”

She waved at the elderly black man who was clearly maintenance staff.

“Ms. Turner! Figured it was you. Whatchu doin’ here so late? Book club ended a while ago?”

Raven smiled and nodded. She grabbed Michael and pulled him out of the shelves. “My boyfriend came to pick me up and got distracted giving him a tour. This is Michael,” she gestured at the star, the older man’s eyes growing big. “This is Mr. Robinson.”

“How you doin’ man? I’m a big fan!” He offered, shaking Michael’s hand. “Cynthia called earlier and said some lights up here were out so I just came to fix ‘em before tomorrow.”

“Thank you, we really appreciate that. Well, it’s all yours. We were just looking at books and joking around, we’ll get out of your way.” She jerked her head toward the door, gesturing for Michael to follow her. However, when she reached the steps, she turned back. “Oh and Mr. Robinson?”

The man seemed to have a knowing look on his face. “Didn’t see anyone here when I came through, you were just finishin’ up as I was comin’ in.” He winked at her before waving them on their way.

They made quick work of grabbing Raven’s bag and materials before scurrying out the door, the pair both busting out into laughter as they climbed into Michael’s SUV.

“That was a close one,” she remarked. “Ok that was fun but definitely no more job sex.”

“Don’t pretend like you didn’t enjoy it,” he teased.

She gently shoved him back into his seat as she chuckled. “Shut upppppp. Whew I’m exhausted, can’t wait to knock out.”

Michael patted his thigh, Raven laying down across the seat so she could sleep. It was a bit of a trek to his house from her neighborhood so Raven closed her eyes and enjoyed the soft music that played as Allen drove them home.

“Do you miss it?”

“Hm?” Raven asked, needing further clarification of what he was asking.

“Do you miss writing? Or does this… the kids fill that void?”

Raven thought about it for a moment, realizing she had never really let herself think too much about it or miss it that much. “Umm… yea, I try not to… try not to think about it. But I miss it a lot. It was my dream and I love these kids… don’t get me wrong. They are amazing and I have so much fun with them. But it doesn’t fill the void? Just makes the void a bit more bearable.”

His hand ran through her blow out for a few moments before nodding and allowing silence to fall over them. Soon her gentle snores filled the car as Michael thought long and hard about what she said. He reached into his pocket, careful not to jolt the sleeping woman beneath him and opened his text thread with Alex.

Michael: hey, need two favors

Alex: Don’t you always?

Michael: ha ha. Need you to find me a contact at Hatchett & Perkins Publishing house? Like in legal or licensing or somethin

Alex: Let me guess… this favor is not so you can write a memoir?

Michael: of course not.

Alex: Give me till tomorrow and I’ll send you a name & email. Favor #2?

Michael: You got any friends that rep authors?

Alex: Yep.

Michael: Find me one that reps fantasy. Preferably black women if you know them

Alex: Done.

Michael let his phone fall onto his other thigh before he leaned back and smiled to himself. He was about to give her the Christmas of a lifetime.

***

Christmas Day

Raven stretched lazily, the smell of cinnamon rolls wafting up to Michael’s bedroom through the cracked bedroom door. She lazily rolled over, surprised to find his spot empty. She groped in the bed for her phone, squinting to read the time. 8 am.

Too early, she huffed as she threw the covers back over her head. They had been up past midnight partaking in the Jordans’ Christmas Eve traditions. They drank, watched a Christmas movie - this year was Michael’s turn to choose and he chose Jim Carey’s the Grinch much to Raven’s excitement - and opened one present each.

There was a mountain of them under the tree. She had spent days helping Michael wrap them all. He had intended to have them sent out to be professionally wrapped but Raven put a stop to that nearly immediately. Similar to tree decorating, she thought there was something impersonal about having a professional do it. So she spent an entire Saturday wrapping all of his presents for his family, he hid hers from her much to her chagrin, and she had a ball doing it. His dining table looked like a disaster when she was done but each one looked perfect, his girl using different color wrapping paper for each member of the family.

Raven had truly improved the whole Christmas holiday for the entire household, reminding him that just because money could buy some conveniences did not mean it should. He also just loved her childlike excitement and joy around the season that seemed endless. She was constantly humming a Christmas song under her breath, her singing voice was not half bad though she did not agree.

She never much cared for Christmas herself. She loved the spirit and energy it brought for others but there was nothing special about it for her. No traditions or joyous memories to hold on to. But Michael went out of his way to help her create some with his family and she loved him dearly for it.

She had dozed off again when a familiar voice woke her up.

“Come on sleepyhead. It’s present time,” she heard a singsongy voice call out that made her groan. “Five seconds or I’ll tackle you.”

“You wouldn’t dare!” She called out, her voice muffled under the thick comforter.

“Five.”

“Four.”

“Three…”

“Two…”

Raven let out a shriek as she felt Michael’s heavy body land on her. His fingers attempted to tickle her sides, forcing laughter and her face to emerge from the covers.

“Fine, fine. I yield! I yield! I yield!” She cried out.

At her words, he gripped her hips and flipped them over so she was straddling his waist. He grabbed a Santa hat he discarded on the bed and plopped into her head. “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas,” she leaned down and kissed him on the lips.

“Get dressed, we’re opening presents at 9.”

She nodded. “Alrighty. I’ll just start breakfast while y’all do that.”

“You’re opening presents too.”

“You gave me mine last night?” And it was gorgeous, a set of diamond earrings that she was honestly afraid to ever wear.

“You thought I only got you one present??”

She laughed, not understanding. “Well, I only got you one present!”

“That’s fine. Hell, you could just put a bow on yourself and I would be happy. I got everything I could ever need or want. But you have presents under the tree from everyone and everyone has a present from you and us. Get dressed.”

At her shocked expression, Michael figured that she was not used to getting many, if any gifts. However, he decided to keep the mood light and playful.

“You surprised? You been naughty this year or somethin’? Expectin’ a lump of coal?”

She offered him a sly grin. “Oh I’ve been real naughty. But somethin’ tells me that being naughty got me more presents from Santa than being nice would’ve.”

“You damn right, girl.”

She let out a cackle and rolled her eyes before sliding out of bed to get dressed. Before she knew it, the entire family was surrounded by an explosion of wrapping paper and stacks of gifts.

Raven loved all of her gifts from Michael’s family. They gave her a lot of books and gadgets for writers and readers but she loved all of them. She imagined that was all they really knew about her but she appreciated that they put effort and thought into it.

“Ok, baby girl. Last one from me,” Michael handed her a box with a neat bow around it. The rest of the family had dispersed to get dressed for the day and for brunch, leaving the couple in the living room surrounded by everyone’s presents.

“Baby…” she let out a playful whine. Most of her gifts had come for Michael and while they were all sweet and thoughtful, she knew they had cost him an arm and a leg. Another first edition book, a gorgeous Chloe tote bag for her to take to work, and more jewelry than she knew what to do with. It made her gift feel measly in comparison but she had done her best. “You already got me so much. Don’t need anything else.”

He shook his head. “Well, this is the gift that matters.”

She paused. “Well I have yours upstairs… I just wanted to give it to you when we were alone. Wanna go up there and exchange?”

He nodded, both of them heading up to his room with bright grins on their faces. She sat her gift down on the bed while she went into her stuff and pulled out a small book.

She held it close to her chest, taking a deep breath. “It’s not much… I d-didn’t know what to get a man who has well… everything a person could want. But I thought, well, maybe you’d like this. O-or at least you’d give me an A for effort,” she chuckled. “But if you hate it, I totally understand. You don’t gotta pretend if you don’t like it.”

Michael raised an eyebrow and laughed, closing the space between them. “Why don’t you let me see it before you decide that I don’t like it? Whatever it is, I’m sure I’ll love it.”

She nodded and held out the small book to him. It looked like a professionally printed book, with a beautiful but simple black and gold cover.

The title read: The Fall by Raven Turner

Michael opened the first page, which read:

It’s not much but you were the first person in a long time to make me want to pick up my figurative pen again. And this was the result: a story dedicated to every moment of the greatest fall of my life. I love you.

Raven

“You wrote me a book?” He asked quietly as he examined it in his hands.

She nodded. “Y-You like it?”

He rushed forward and pulled her into his arms, kissing her deeply. “I more than like it. This is the best gift anyone’s ever gotten me!”

He peppered her face with kisses that made her giggle. “You sure? My other option was like a watch or something…”

He laughed. “Total waste of money. This is more valuable to me than 100 Rolexes. Thank you. I’ll read it tonight.”

Nothing would have taken the smile off her face.

“Now it’s your turn,” he urged as he sat his gift on his bedside table.

Raven sat on his bed as she gently ripped the bow off and opened the box to find an envelope inside. It was odd, Raven could not possibly understand what the gift could be.

She ripped open the envelope to reveal a plane ticket and hotel reservation to a resort in Thailand.

“Y-You’re serious?? Thailand??”

“Wanted to ring in our first New Years together somewhere special.”

“Babe… this is…”

“Exactly what you deserve. I have a feeling next year is gonna be your best year yet and I think we should usher it in with some style.” He had more than just a feeling, as long as his real surprise was wrapped up by their trip, it would surely be her best year yet.

She laughed, wiping her tears away. “This is most certainly style. Thank you. I love it.”

“I’m glad you do cause we leave tomorrow night.”

Her mouth dropped open. “W-what?? Babe I gotta get my hair done… a wax, my nails! These aren’t vacation nails…” she glanced down at her beautiful but very Christmas themed nail set.

“You think I’d book you a trip to Thailand and not take care of everything?” His face scrunched up in a faux annoyance that made her chuckle. “You’re in for a day of pampering tomorrow while Jason picks out pieces and has his team pack for you. I plan on having you naked for most of the next two weeks so you ain’t gonna need much clothes.”

“And work?”

“You’d be surprised what a handsome face and nice smile will get you,” he remarked with a shrug.

She stood and wrapped her arms around him, kissing him. “What did I do to deserve you?”

“You’re you. That’s all it takes.”

She smiled and kissed him again. She glanced at the bed, lust curling in her belly.

“How long before your family comes looking for us?”

She shrieked and laughed as he gently pushed her down on his bed.

“Long enough for me to make you cum at least twice.”

***

Raven was thankful their bungalow at this resort was fairly distant from the others as Michael seemed committed to making her scream over and over and over again for the last five days. She had seen very little of the resort aside from when they emerged for dinner. They had a private pool and private access to the beach.

Michael had not been lying when he said he planned to have her naked for most of the trip. All she could do was laugh when she realized the only panties packed for her had been part of very sexy and elaborate lingerie sets that would not count as clothes for anyone with eyes. When she was not in a bathing suit or an outfit for dinner, she was in lingerie that did not stay on her body for long.

Michael quite literally ravished her from sun up to sun down on every surface in their suite, in and by the pool, underneath the waterfall shower in their giant bathroom, and in the sand on their private beach. Though, neither of them did that one again due to the uncontrollable and annoying nature of sand.

But every moment of it was pure bliss. She loved how he switched, often at a moment’s notice, from treating her like a grand prize he won to a convenient hole for him to fuck. It was not uncommon for him, while they were mid conversation about something utterly random by the pool or over lunch, to bend her over the nearest surface and fuck her senseless simply because he felt like it. Their games did not diminish but seemed to amplify the more their relationship blossomed.

Today, their game was orgasm denial. It was New Year’s Eve and Michael practically ignored her most of the day. After several days of being woken up with his head between her legs bringing her to orgasm, she was almost saddened to be woken up with a mere call for breakfast.

The only time he touched her was during breakfast, as he - without a single word - slid his favorite vibrating toy into her pussy. She expected him to turn it on and bring her to orgasm right there, but he did no such thing. Instead, he told her of the tour of the nearby islands they were going to go on after breakfast.

From that moment forward, all of his touches were chaste at best and decidedly frustrating to his girlfriend, much to his satisfaction. He could feel her eyes boring into the side of his face as if willing him to turn on the remote in his pocket as their tour guide jetted them around on a boat ride along the gorgeous blue water.

It was difficult to ignore her for him too but he loved how eager she was, how the more he pretended he had not put the vibrator in her, the more aware she was of its presence. He watched her intently, how she tried to pay attention to the tour guide as she droned on and on about history, how her body squirmed in her seat with every platonic touch he offered, how her shoulders fell in disappointment every time those platonic touches did not turn into more.

The boat ride was three hours of pure torture and he knew if he touched her, she would be dripping wet underneath her very revealing bathing suit and cover up.

As they returned to their resort and stood up to get off the boat, Michael turned the vibrator on its full setting, Raven letting out a groan and her knees buckling beneath her.

She almost fell completely to the floor of the boat but Michael skillfully caught her and feigned concern for her.

“You ok, baby?” He glanced back at the tour guide before discreetly cutting the vibrator off. “Think the heat just got to her. Let me get you inside, love.”

Raven was so consumed with the short-lived but amazing pleasure that all she could do was nod. She wanted to curse at him, scream at him.

He held onto her tightly, keeping her flush to his side, as if he was helping a sick person until they made it back to their secluded bungalow. And by that time, Raven was fuming.

“What the fuck, Bakari! In front of that lady as I was getting off the boat?? After you ignored me all morning??” She was not actually angry at him, she was just so fucking horny that she was angry.

Michael grabbed her by the arm and put his hand around the base of her neck as he held her in a rough grip that made her thighs clench together.

“If you want to cum at all again before 2023, I’d shut the fuck up. Understand?” he warned, his voice so strong and dominant that her mouth immediately shut.

Fuck. Admittedly, 2023 was only 12 more hours away, at least in Thailand. But she did not think she could wait 12 more hours. She was most certainly not God’s strongest soldier.

“Y-Yes sir.”

He grabbed her hand and led her outside to their private pool. “Sit,” he gestured toward one lounge chair that faced the pool.

She sat down immediately, surprised when he disappeared back into their room, returning with several ropes.

Fuck, she thought to herself again. Whatever he was about to do, she knew it would be extremely fun for him and a sort of delicious torturous fun for her.

“Lay back.”

She laid down against the warm fabric of the chair. He adjusted it so she was leaning back. He grabbed both of her hands and raised them above her head, tying them to the top of the lounge chair. Instinctively, she tried to move them but his knots were tight.

Then she watched as he did the same with each ankle, tying them to either side of the lounge chair so her legs were spread open.

And then much to her surprise, he shed his clothes and slid in the pool. Her eyes filled with pure lust as she took in the droplets of water cascading down his perfect chiseled chest. She’d never get used to him.

“Seems like you keep forgettin’ whose runnin’ this shit. So maybe this’ll teach you.”

She did not fully understand what he meant until she felt the vibrator turn on, this time at its lowest setting. Her hips rolled as much as she could with her body restrained. She bit her lip to stop the moans from escaping, part of her not wanting to give him the satisfaction as she knew he was going to drag this out as long as possible.

“You can try to keep quiet if you want to, baby. Honestly that’ll just make the show more entertaining for me.”

And a show it was. Raven could only imagine how she looked to him as he leaned against the opposite edge of the pool and controlled her pleasure from afar. He talked, telling her about his upcoming projects for 2023, how he was so excited for his directorial debut of Creed 3. At first, with the toy on its lowest setting, she found it easier to ignore and engage in a conversation with him.

However, as he steadily increased the intensity, her questions and responses were more broken by moans and groans that she could not hide.

“How many books are in that series of yours?”

“Supposed to b- SHIT!” She cried out as he increased it to the highest setting. “Fuckkkkk,” she moaned as her hips started humping the air to increase the pleasure as she came close to her first orgasm of the day. However, as soon as she got to the edge, he cut it off, robbing her of it.

“Michael!” She called out in frustration.

“10.”

“10 what??”

“Spankings. 5 for not answering my question and 5 for not addressing me properly.”

She desperately wanted to roll her eyes. This nigga.

“Three… the series is three books.”

“Good girl.”

The cycle and their conversation continued. Michael asked her more random questions about writing and her writing process and expected full answers as he brought her to the edge of an orgasm but took them away five more times. He gave her ample time to calm down in between each one but each time made the climb more intense and made the lack of an orgasm more painful.

And all the while, he sat unmoving like a statue across from her, watching as she moaned, begged, pleaded, and writhed around against her restraints.

“You wanna cum, don’t you, baby?” He asked, moving for the first time to wade over to her.

She was in tears as she nodded. “P-Please, d-daddy. I n-need to cum. I c-can’t take… much more. Please.”

He lifted himself out of the water, Raven’s eyes studying how his biceps flexed at the swift motion.

He grabbed her chin to force her to look at him. “You’ll take as much as I tell you. Besides, do you deserve pleasure before you’ve been punished?”

She groaned. She hated him so much but she loved him so much that she would indeed take as much as he told her to.

“N-no, no I don’t.”

“That’s right. Only good girls get to orgasm. Are you gonna take your punishment like a good girl?”

She nodded desperately. “Y-yes, I promise.”

With that, he untied her and helped her up. He made her crawl behind him to their bedroom. He helped her onto the bed.

“You know what to do.”

Indeed, she did. Raven quickly discarded her bathing suit and climbed onto the bed and assumed his favorite position for both pleasure and punishment. Her face pressed against their comforter as she placed the deepest arch she could in her back.

“Good girl, you want my hand or the belt?”

That was an easy choice in her mind but she appreciated him letting her choose. “Your hand, please,” she asked innocently.

She knew it was both of their preference. Something about feeling the extent of his strength with every lash, seeing the red marks on her ass in the shape of his palm, made every punishment well worth it. She also knew Michael preferred it too.

“Count ‘em out or I start over.”

She groaned. This was the hardest part, focusing on each one enough to remember the number.

She shrieked as he hit her the first time. She was not gonna be able to sit comfortably for the rest of their vacation.

“One.”

By the time she hit 15, she was in tears but she would have begged him not to stop.

“Ten more, baby. And you’re doing so good…” he grabbed the remote he had discarded next to them and turn it on to its highest setting. “You can cum whenever you want.”

Raven felt like her whole body was in flames as he rained down the last ten blows while the vibrator did the work of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost against her g-spot. She tried to grab a pillow to bury her face in as her screams reached a fever pitch that she imagined could be heard across their resort but Michael grabbed a fist of her braids and forced her head up.

“Nah I wanna hear you.”

She could not even register the last two spankings as she blissfully felt every part of her body, down to the cellular level, become overwhelmed with mind-numbing, life altering pleasure. Her entire body collapsed forward onto the bed, her legs unable to hold her lower body up.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” she mumbled as she felt the vibrator turn off and started to come down.

Michael smiled as he took in her form, he had utterly depleted her as she laid there, her entire body covered in a thin layer of sweat.

He climbed onto the bed and pulled her into his arms, rubbing her back soothingly as she laid there, her brain not fully functioning or cognizant of his presence.

Raven used the little bit of energy she had to settle into his arms, burying her head into his neck. She appreciated his commitment to aftercare, particularly when their sessions were super intense. Oftentimes, they were just so intense, they rubbed Raven raw emotionally and left her feeling vulnerable. And when they were merely fake dating, she had to often ignore those needs because she was afraid to ask him for more. He always checked in and ran her a bath or gave her a massage, often brought her food to ensure she was ok before he went to his guest room to sleep.

But now, she could snuggle up against him and feel close to him, feel his love and receive his praise while she recovered. And she had not realized just how much she was missing.

“You ok?” He asked. “That was intense.”

“I’m excellent. And still horny but I don’t think my legs work to move,” she moaned.

“Well, rest. I’ll wake up when it’s time to get ready for dinner.”

He watched her for a while before he set an alarm and dozed off himself.

***

“Figured we could go watch the fireworks on the beach. They told me the good ones start around 11:30… so in a bit.”

Raven smiled as she continued eating. They had slept most of the day away after their session and she was starving. Michael had a private dinner scheduled for them in their suite, which she appreciated. She still got dolled up in a flowery two piece crop top and skirt but it was nice to have dinner in their own space.

“So my mom asks this every New Years Eve… what do you want out of 2023?”

Raven’s fork paused in mid air as she thought on the question. What did she want out of the new year? She had no idea.

“Umm… whew, I dunno. I’ve just been counting down the last couple years truth be told. Kinda felt lost and all over the place without my career? Didn’t really think I had much to look forward to? But…”

“But…”

“But now I feel like I don’t want everything to just pass me by? Like even if I’m not free to do what I love just yet, I wanna feel… happy? I wanna feel good and enjoy life.” She shrugged. “It’s kinda stupid.”

He held his hand out for her to take it and squeezed, his thumb rubbing her hand. “That’s far from stupid. I have a surprise for you.”

He took a deep breath and reached under the table to grab a box.

She smiled and shook her head. “This trip wasn’t a surprise enough??”

“Nah. And this is really just a late Christmas gift. Legal shit delayed it a couple days… but it seems fitting. Here’s to a 2023 of happiness and freedom.”

He held the box out to her, it exactly resembled the one he had given her with their surprise trip to Thailand inside only this one had a large stack of paperwork in it.

“What’s this??” She pulled the heavy stack, her eyes growing wide as she thumbed through them, skimming them quickly. “I-Is this what I think it is?”

“If you think it’s the rights to your book, which are now yours to do with whatever you want, then yes. If you were thinkin’ it was somethin’ else…”

Her mouth dropped open. Her breath came out more as a strangled sob than anything else as she continued reading.

“This is…” she laughed nervously. “This is a joke right? Y-you didn’t… I know this had to have cost like… someone’s yearly salary money.” She stood and shook her head. “Y-You have to let me pay you back for that. It’ll take me like a fuckin’ decade,” she admitted. “But you can’t…”

Michael gestured for him to come to her. He kept her flush to his lap as her entire body trembled from the pure shock. He had expected this reaction and was prepared. But he had not done what he did and paid what he did lightly. It was worth every single frustrating conversation and dollar spent.

“Yes I can… and I did. Getting rid of the last piece of dead weight you were dragging around was worth every dime. You deserve to tell your stories and they took that from you. So I took it back and am giving it to you. One signature,” he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pen and held it to her. “And they are all yours.”

A tear fell on the papers before Raven tossed them down to the ground and threw herself into Michael’s arms as she sobbed into his neck. He wrapped his arms around her tightly as he held her.

“I love you… so much.” She whispered through her sobs. “T-this is the greatest thing anyone’s ever done for m-me.”

His palm wiped away the tears streaming down her face as he kissed her.

“It’s nothing.”

She shook her head. “No, it’s literally everything… I don’t deserve you,” she whispered, shaking her head.

“Yea you do. And all the other good things in this world. I’ll spend every day making sure you know it.”

They finished their dessert with Raven still on his lap, the young woman too shocked to really speak or offer much to the conversation. She could not believe it, could not believe him. She knew it would still be a long road to self-publish and figure all of that out but now? Now she had options, she could figure it out without waiting for the timer to hit zero.

And he had done that for her.

“Come on, fireworks are about to start.”

Raven nodded and smiled. “Give me 5 minutes? Gonna put these somewhere safe,” she grabbed the scattered papers off the floor. “And fix my makeup. Can’t have you kissing me at midnight with eyeliner running down my face. That’d be a tragic start to the year.”

“I’ll be by the pool. Don’t take too long.”

He watched her walk away and smiled before walking outside to the balcony. The fireworks were already in full swing and he could hear music and laughter from the main beach of the resort.

It was the perfect end to a perfect night. Well, almost. A buzzing in his pocket redirected his attention. Tasha’s name scrolled across his phone.

“This girl,” he mumbled. He knew her well enough to know if he did not answer she would simply call back.

Michael glanced over his shoulder and sighed as he swiped across his phone.

“Hey,” he offered coldly. The truth was he had forgotten everything about Tasha, had not thought about her once since her name graced his screen on Raven’s birthday.

He did not hate her or offer her ill will, he just had no interest in seeing or speaking to her again.

“Hey baby. Happy New Year.”

“Happy New Year.” Michael’s tone was short and clipped, praying he could get her off the phone before Raven came back from the bathroom to find him.

“Wanted to see if the New Year was gonna bring my favorite customer back to me?”

“Look Tash…”

“It’s been a few months, Mike. You promised.”

Michael rolled his eyes. He had let her get far too comfortable, so comfortable that she thought he’d always be there. Which seemed like a base level foolish assumption given her line of work. But either way, he had moved on. Raven was his present and his future. He had no interest in anyone else. But this was the weight he was dragging around behind him, he quickly realized. And every day that he did not tell Tasha that truth and let her believe there was something there for them, was a disservice to her, Raven, and himself.

“I know what I said but shit changed. I love her, Tash.”

A wave of anger hit him as he heard the woman scoff, which was filled with disbelief.

“Her?? You love her??”

“Yes, her. I love her and even though it started off as somethin’ not real, it’s real to us both now and she’s everything I want.” He sighed. “Look, you are a great girl, I enjoyed our time together but I can’t see you anymore. Ever.”

“You serious right now??” He could feel her rage through the phone but that did not deter him. Raven was everything for him and nothing Tasha could say would change that.

“Dead serious. I know this ain’t what you wanted to hear but it’s over between us. I’m sorry.”

She was seething. “Fuck you, Michael! You can’t just drop me outta fuckin’ no where! What am I supposed to fuckin’ do??”

He bowed his head. Her reaction was not out of the realm of possibility, he just had not considered it at all, had not considered that he would have to “break up” with her officially. But he did not regret nor was he phased by her anger. That part of his life - whoring and using any and every woman who would let him - was over and in the past.

“Find another client to replace me. I can’t be the first client to move on.”

There was a long pause. “Nah you ain’t the first. But you’re the first to fall in love with a fuckin’ hooker and try to pass it off as a real relationship. Imagine the money TMZ would give me for that story.”

Michael’s mouth dropped open. “You’re kidding right?”

“I ain’t’ fuckin’ laughin. You can leave me for that country ass fake bumpkin, you can put her in designer clothes and call her your girlfriend but unfortunately for you, I know what she really is. A whore. And while you might think you can wave a wand and make her a housewife, everyone else? They’ll fuckin’ tear her apart. You really want that?”

Michael couldn’t believe this shit. In all his years of being famous and having money, he had never had someone try to blackmail him. Michael clenched his eyes shut. “How much?”

“There we go. Glad we could come to an agreement. $10k for now. I expect it as soon as you get back to LA. And then we can figure out an arrangement that works for both of us. Happy New Year, baby.”

And with that, the phone went dead. Michael clenched it in his hand in frustration as he turned and shook his head. He quickly deleted the call from his call log to ensure Raven did not accidentally see it and sent Alex a text.

Mike: We have a BIG problem

“Wow, those are gorgeous!”

Michael slid his phone in his pocket as Raven emerged and stood next to him, her make up pristine and her body now clad in a very sexy ocean blue lingerie set. Michael forced a smile onto his face as he grabbed her ass and squeezed.

“Not as gorgeous as you.”

“We got five minutes till midnight and then I figured we could create some fireworks of our own?”

“I like the sound of that…” Michael mused.

He knew he needed to tell Raven about Tasha but he did not have the heart to do it right then. She was so happy, so happy that her whole body seemed to radiate with it. He refused to let anything diminish or take that feeling away. And he refused to let another selfish person steal her joy and relaxation while they were on vacation. He had a week to figure out a plan and get Tasha out of his life once and for all. And he had every intention of doing so and telling Raven once it was all said and done. She was finally happy and she deserved to stay that way. This was exclusively his mess, he would get himself out of it.

“Oh you never told me,” Raven said as they sat down and stuck their feet in the water while the fireworks continued to boom loudly around them, painting the sky in bright colors.

“What?”

“What you want out of 2023?”

Michael glanced down at her and the bright smile on her face. “I think I got everything I want for 2023. I got you, about to finish the biggest run of my career. I guess I just… want to make sure I don’t lose it all?”

She gently shoved him with her shoulder and chuckled. “Well, you aren’t gonna lose me.”

“That a promise?”

“Yes it is.”

Off in the distance, they could hear the faint countdown from the giant crowd at the beach.

Five… four… three… two…

“Happy New Year, Rae.”

“Happy New Year, baby.”

They shared a deep kiss under the fireworks before Michael swooped her up into his arms and carried her to bed, their room becoming a fireworks show for two.

Tag List: @readinghere2023 @blackerthings @prettyisasprettydoes1306 @physicxal @purplehairgawdess @miyuhpapayuh @rueruesclues @geemamii @certifiedlesbianbaddie @pipsqueak-98 @nyifly22 @destinio1 @twocentaur @gopaperless @musicisme333 @roguekiki @majesticbrownjawn @taurusqueen83 @mysteryuz @miamormilan @itsknor-thedeep @naj-ay444 @mads-grace4 @nayaesworld @kholdkill @msniaimani @nccu-rnc @apenasumlug4r

***

A/N: the babies are in relationship blisssssss. And how perfect is Michael? Getting her book back for her. Also I tried to do some research on how all that works and it is really confusing so any real authors reading - don't hate me if I got it wrong LOL it's fiction! Well, as we all knew it would, Tasha has come back to claim her man again... what do we think? Should he have told Raven? Or should he wait till they get home? Or should he just deal with Tasha on his own? Anndddd this is the last update for this story for like a month - so so sorry to leave it like that LOL love yall though! Hope you enjoyed it!

#black writers #michael b jordan #michael b jordan x oc #mbjordanedit #michael b jordan x reader #black panther #michael b jordan fanfic #creed 3 #adonis creed

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veeveex3 · 2 years

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Twisted Wonderland Characters and Their Embarrassing Secrets

A literal shower thought that I'm deciding to post before I forget it (also, like two of them are slightly suggestive but nothing too crazy or anything)

Heartslabyul

Riddle: He has mock unbirthday parties in his room with his stuffed animals to destress. Only Trey and Cater know about this because they were invited a couple of times.

Ace: He picks his nose.

Deuce: Every Saturday, he calls his mom to check up on her. He doesn't think it's embarrassing, but he knows Ace would make fun of him if he found out.

Trey: Watches the toothbrushing scene from the Monogatari series for... reasons...

Cater: Runs one of those school drama / tea magicam accounts. It's not that bad but some of the posts range from "this student has a crush on this student ooo" to "just got done attending one of Riddle's fake unbirthday parties" (that one was deleted before it was posted)

Savanaclaw

Leona: He likes playing with laser pointers. This is canon I'm Disney guys.

Ruggie: He sometimes takes some of Leona's food and things when he thinks he's not looking. (Leona actually knows but he doesn't really care)

Jack: He likes it when people praise him but would try really hard to hide it.

Octavinelle

Azul: Has a little stash of trinkets and coins he thinks are interesting.

Jade: Looks for things that he knows Azul and Floyd would like when he's out in the mountains. He gives it to them saying that he doesn't want it and would like from them to take it off his hands.

Floyd: Talks in his sleep and would occasionally talk about how much he cares for Azul and Jade.

Scarabia

Kalim: He sings the alphabet song everytime he needs to remember what letter comes after what.

Jamil: He gives Kalim a good night kiss on the forehead as per Kalim's request. Makes sure the doors are locked when he does this so no one finds out.

Pomfiore

Vil: He has little performances when he's in the shower. Luckily he has his own bathroom which he sound proofed to make sure no one hears him.

Rook: He makes out with his pillow pretending it's Vil or Neige. Like, full tongue and everything. It's sorta gross.

Epel: He doesn't wear a shirt when it's hot because he's not good with the heat. Vil prevents him from going outside shirtless though.

Ignihyde

Idia: He sleeps with a body pillow. He doesn't do anything weird with it and, if he has one at all, the pillow cover is sfw, but he'd rather die than let anyone find it.

Ortho: He wants Idia to give him a piggy back ride but he doesn't wanna call Idia weak and make him sad.

Diasomnia

Malleus: He practices smiling in the mirror in hopes that he would look less intimidating to others.

Lilia: He chose to give himself a smaller form because he likes how comfortable oversized clothes are. (I dunno how fae work and I could be very wrong lol)

Sebek: Once thought of referring to Malleus as his friend and never forgave himself since.

Silver: He enjoys sleeping on Lilia's lap. It makes him feel comfy and loved.

Staff + Ramshackle

Grim: He likes it when the prefect pets him and kisses him on his forehead. He says he doesn't like it but he starts purring really loudly when he's petted.

Crowley: Spends some of the school money on stupid shit like rubber duckies or glitter pens.

Crewel: Gives Lucius little cat treats every once in a while.

Trein: Has little hats and outfits for Lucius.

Vargas: Is self conscious about his height. Like, I'm sorry this man must feel ashamed that there are teenagers who are significantly taller than him.

Sam: He occasionally gives students he likes discounts. Sometimes he'll give students things for free.

#twisted wonderland #twst #twst headcanons #twisted wonderland headcannons

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bite-sized-devil · 1 year

Text

Piggy Back Rides

You've had a particularly long hard day at RAD. Exhausted and dreading the walk home, you ask your favourite demon brother for a little favour.

Was going to do these in groups, but they just kept getting longer and longer. Apologies my fellow simps, please enjoy them one at a time starting with the eldest and finishing with the youngest.

TW: none it’s pure fluff. GN! MC

Leviathan

Whenever Levi decided to grace RAD with his presence you always made sure you were by his side the entire day. You knew how nervous he was to be amongst his peers, so why not make it easier for him by being his buffer? The only downside was that you were often mentally and physically drained by the end of the day. Luckily for you however, Levi always seemed to know when you reached your limit.

You had just intercepted another lower level demon from encroaching on his personal space and he saw how your shoulders sagged slightly and your voice lost some of it's normal sweetness.

You tried to hide it as you turned back to him, plastering a smile back on your face and giving him a thumbs up. But he knew you to well, he'd made it his own personal mission to uncover everything about you.

It made his chest ache, you clearly cared about him, he could still see your eyes light up when he returned your thumbs up. You were always trying to make him feel better, and do things for him.

He didn't understand why you constantly chose him over his brothers, why it was his face you looked for first whenever you entered a room. How you'd make a beeline straight for him whenever you saw him, smiling like you just won a boss level on one of his games.

His brothers might think he was clueless about others emotions and feelings but he wasn't when it came to you. His sweet, caring, funny, and beautiful player 2. He knew everything about you, including your little crush on him.

Naturally, he was in love with you but you were so perfect! It made him nervous, what if you suddenly realised what a loser he was? And decided you wanted someone who wasn't holed up in their room 24/7. He will admit you had managed to take him to a few cool places when you mentioned you needed some fresh air.

You had been so happy when he'd said he was coming with you, he thought it was cute how adamant you were that he didn't have to if he didn't want to. Blushing like a tomato when he'd taken your hand and dragged you out of his room saying you'd better hurry before he changed his mind.

He hears you quietly sigh when you sit down beside him at your desk. Maybe you need a shoulder to lean your head on, he can help you with that. Reaching out he grabs the side of your chair and drags it towards him.

"Levi!" You squeal making him chuckle softly.

"Lol sorry MC, I just wanted you closer." He says as he wraps his arm around your shoulders. You're so cute the way you try to cover up the blush that is blossoming on your cheeks by putting your hand over your face.

"Do you want to skip out on our last class?" He says to you as he pulls your hands away from your face by grabbing them and holding them in his own bigger one. He's not letting you hide that beautiful blush that is just for him.

You're playing with his fingers, clearly enjoying how his feel interlocked with yours. You look up at him with a smile that makes his head feel dizzy, your pretty eyes so wide staring up at him. He can hear your heart rate increase, it always did when he touched you. He originally thought you had a heart defect, but then came to realise it only increased around him.

"If you want to we can, I'm kind of tired anyway. Do you think, maybe....." You say before trailing off and looking down at your hands intertwined with his.

He removes his hand that's holding yours, taking note of the sudden pout of your lips as he does. He'll remember that late at night, wondering what it would feel like to have them against his own. He grasps your chin tilting your head, making you look up at him again.

"Maybe what MC?" He says, silently hoping you'd ask him to kiss you, even though that's a long shot. He knows how shy you are, one can dream though!

You start to squirm in his grasp, making him grip your chin tighter. You furrow your eyebrows in obvious frustration, you look like an angry kitten. Sometimes he wonders how you haven't been eaten yet? He might have to keep a even closer eye on you from now on. Or maybe he'll just never leave your side.

"I just... Wanted... T'know... You could... G'me.... Piggy back ride?" Your eyes meet his when the words 'piggy back' leave your lips. You look so nervous, like a deer in headlights. He's never said no to you before, but you had never asked for anything like this before either. How could he possibly refuse! You would be pressed against his back... Your arms wrapped around his neck... His hands grasping the backs of your thighs...

He stands up suddenly before he can stop himself. Startling you so much that an adorable little squeak is forced out of you. He needs those things to happen right now, not wanting to wonder anymore about how you would feel clinging to him the whole way home.

"Yes!" He says way to loudly, not that it matters he's already caused a scene in class. Your answering giggle has him reaching to pull you from your seat. This is happening now, no more waiting. He's going to be your knight in shining armour, maybe you would reward your hero with a sweet kiss at the end of his quest. If not, he might take a play from one of those cool anime guys and just steal one.

Likes, comments, and reblogs are so appreciated! 🌻 Please don’t repost, that shit won’t fly here. I’ll annoy the absolute shit out of you. If you would like to join the taglist please fill in my dumb little form.

Tag list: @delphi-dreamin @ariamichel @the-ghost-of-panda

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unrequitedloveletter · 11 months

Text

Stay- K.B x male! reader

Okay. This fic is one of three of it’s kind that’s coming out this month. This one comes out today, the next one (for Jesper) comes out on the 16th, the third (for Nikolai) comes out on the 30th.

I’ve always wanted to write something that feels authentic and in line with my experiences as a queer person in aspects of things like heartbreak, yearning, and some of the lighter parts, too, and I chose to do that in the form of these fics. I poured my heart and soul out a little bit so I hope this touches some hearts, too. This is also, by far, my favorite piece of queer fanfic that I’ve ever written. It’s also very long and so that you know what you’re getting into, I’ve added a word count to this fic for convenience.

Also, yes, there are multiple different gifs with this one but they all have their significances within this fic lol

Fic type- this jumps all over the place but the main genres in it are hurt/comfort and heavy angst

Warnings- mentions of death, mentions of and depictions of gunshot wounds/being shot, mention and depiction of yearning and heartbreak, mention of blood and mentions of physical violence

Word count- 11.6k

You had been in love with Kaz Brekker for what felt like forever, but in reality, had been two thousand days. Five and a half years, give or take. Sixty-five months. You had realized you were in love with him when you were fifteen years old, and in the time since, you'd had a sixteenth, a seventeenth, eighteenth, nineteenth, and a twentieth birthday.

You did not know how else to state it. You loved him with the surety of a stream rippling and moving over water covered stones, ones that were always a light-ish brown but looked nearly identical to the color of his hair because they never did have the chance to dry unless someone took them out of the water.

You loved him and were as sure in that as you were in the fact that you loved to watch the sunrise from the rooftops with Inej when she was visiting, as sure as you were in the fact that you would never grow tired of Jespers jokes or the songs Wylan could play on the flute.

Some days, the fact that you were deeply in love with Kaz Brekker and had been for nearly the entirety of the six years you had known him was the only thing you could be sure of.

Because you loved Kaz Brekker, Dirtyhands, the Bastard of the Barrel who was never seen anywhere without his gloves, you yearned. Yearning naturally came with loving him as it did loving anyone else, and it was intense because you had not told him how you felt. You weren't entirely sure that you ever would.

Yearning was odd. Sometimes, it was the phantom feeling of a kiss against a forehead, the overwhelming idea of how nice it would be if you could rest your head against his shoulder or simply wanting to hold his hand. It was mildly pleasant in those times, though still quite the inconvenience, you could admit.

Other times, however, it felt like a punch to the gut. It was the pain of wanting a forehead kiss. It was the pain of wanting to be hugged and a gut punch, a bullet wound, when you really wanted to know what it would've been like to be in a relationship with the one person in the Barrel who had everyone in his pocket, the one person who had become untouchable alongside you after the success of the Ice Court and all of the big heists since.

Sometimes, yearning was like waking up on the perfect morning. It was waking up on your favorite day of the week, finding that the weather outside was just perfect, making your drink of choice just right and finally having the motivation to read the book you'd been setting aside for weeks in the favor of other tasks in need of doing.

Other times, it was like being stabbed. It was an ache; a bone deep, heartsick ache. It was waking up and wanting for the one thing you could not have. It was going down to the bottom floor of the Slat, grabbing a brandy and hoping that it did the trick and got you back to normal, only to remember that alcohol did not always work that way and objecting to take the whole bottle instead. Yearning was drinking brandy from the bottle as you read a book you hated but could not give up and yearning was hoping that drinking yourself to sleepiness would have you back to normal the next morning.

Of course, the bottle of brandy never worked. It made you tired after a bit, sure, but it also left you feeling hungover and sluggish the next morning. It had Nina laughing as she commended you for surviving a rough night as Jesper wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled you lightly into the booth, nodding his understanding because he was your friend and he loved you, and he'd fancied Kaz once, too, so of course he understood.

"It sticks with you," Jesper said as the two of you headed into the Slat from Fifth Harbor. You'd been grabbing breakfast and Kaz had wanted you in his offices for a meeting by nine bells. "The yearning, I mean. I've been with Wylan three years now, and damn it, it really never goes away."

"I can't let that be the case with me," you said. "I can't. I can barely survive this as it is, Jesper. If the yearning keeps going the longer I stay in love with him, I don't know what I'll do."

"There are a couple of gay bars in the city," Jesper suggested. "I can't imagine that they'll quite fulfill the needs you have but they'll be good for moving on if you flirt with the right people."

"The right people for me are the emotionally unavailable ones," you said. "I honestly don't have much of a preference, but if they've got light blue sea glass eyes, a cutting jaw and brown hair that looks glorious when it's been a few months since it was last trimmed and has had a bit of a chance to grow out, that all would be quite the convincing added bonus."

"You lovesick fool," Jesper said with a laugh as you proceeded into Kaz's office.

"Who's in on the job?" Were the first words out of your mouth, eyes scanning the area. You noticed a map of Ravka on his desk, a map of Fjerda right beside it, a cup half full of coffee placed bare milimetres away from the spot where Kaz had chosen to sit his cane while he worked. "I'm assuming Inej, if she gets in from her voyage in time, and especially if you need a spider. Raske is good on house calls and Ketterdam based Dregs business but he would never be suited to something overseas."

Kaz blinked. "How do you know it's a job across the pond?"

"The map of Ravka on your desk helps me to determine that much, though the map of Fjerda right next to it provides more of a clue," you said. "Let me guess, jewelry? Jewelry was stolen by Fjerdans who managed to infiltrate the Little Palace and steal as much as they could grab?"

"Druskelle, specifically," Kaz said with a nod. "At the orders of their new commander. The aim was to make Grisha afraid, and so they did so by breaking into the one place where Grisha felt safe and stealing something valuable.

“They aim to strike fear into the hearts of all Ravkans,” you said with a nod. “The royals are just the start, as their new commander has said to the news. I’ve kept up with the news as their managing to steal Ravkan jewels is of interest to me--I haven’t the slightest idea how they’d managed it--though it seems that the royals are angry with it. Sources say that Zoya feels like she’s been duped.”

"They are quite angry indeed," Kaz said. "Angry enough that they hired us. It'll be us three, Wylan, and Inej. Nina, too, but she's been working for the Ravkans since Matthias died so she'll meet us there.”

"What's the payoff?"

"Six hundred thousand kruge split six ways."

"One hundred thousand for a break in? Seems a bit generous from the Ravkans, doesn’t it?”

“It’s money borrowed from the merchant council. They’re paying us, essentially.”

"It’s boat and life forever spent at sea money," Jesper said pointedly, referencing a conversation you two had had over breakfast.

You’d been watching Kaz's expression, saw surprise flit across his face for a split second before he schooled his expression back to neutrality.

"You've thought about leaving?" He asked. "What, do you just need an excuse to go?"

"I prefer to call it a reason," you answered with a shrug. "And no. Leaving Ketterdam is not something that I have thought about in depth, I only started thinking of it last night. Figured I could buy a boat ticket and head off somewhere new. I could use a refresh in the scenery, learn to walk a new city until I've memorized every path and shortcut. I need something different, Kaz. I've needed something different since we were seventeen, since I watched Nina climb into a sickboat and lay beside her dead beloved."

You looked to Jesper as he slipped a supportive hand into yours, Kaz's gaze hardening as he turned your words over in his mind.

"Reason and excuse. What's the difference?"

"Reason: you have decided I am unfit to remain on the Dregs, or you have decided that you hate me, or perhaps you love me and it is something you cannot face, so we come up with a solution together. The solution being my departure," you hummed. It was too easy to joke about Kaz being in love with you when you were in fact the one in love with him, but whenever you did, it made your chest ache. You wished he'd felt the same as you did. "Excuse: I find myself with enough money to afford a cheap boat ticket and quite the large townhouse in a port city off the coast of Ravka or Novyi Zem, even the Wandering Isle or Shu Han. It is with the knowledge of the money in my account that I make the decision to buy a boat ticket, pack up what little of my belongings exist in my room at the Slat, and go."

"Ah," Jesper hummed. "Well, if you do leave, promise to visit?"

"Summer and Christmas," you said, pairing it with a smile like that would've made it any easier to think of leaving. Just because it was something you’d begun to debate did not make it any easier to fathom.

"Well, we're in for a week and a half of travel on boat," Kaz said. "To Ravka. We're meeting with the royals for two days to discuss how exactly we plan to pull it off."

"Where are we rescuing the jewels from?"

"The Fjerdan royal palace."

“I normally quite like a good gamble or two,” Jesper said. “Rather unfortunately for you, Mr. Brekker, I’m not seventeen anymore, and the knowledge that the odds are nearly guaranteed to be stacked against me does not sound exciting.”

“Well, even as such, a sharpshooting Fabrikator is needed on this job and you are the best suited for it. You can still say no, Jesper, but you’ll be missing out one hundred thousand kruge if you do.”

“Wylan will probably agree to come along. At least, if you’re putting yourself up against death, you and Wylan will probably die together,” you offered with an uneasy smile, giving Jespers hand a squeeze.

“Hand in hand, provided you get lucky,” Kaz added.

Jesper sighed. “I’ll talk it over with him, and you’ll have an answer by nightfall.”

“You’re in, correct?” Kaz asked, looking to you.

You nodded. “I’ve still got more than half of the money from the Ice Court heist left. May as well add to those funds a bit before I take them with me when I leave.” You still didn’t know if you wanted to go, but it was better to talk like you’d made up your mind as it were. You didn’t like uncertainty, had no particular fondness for variables.

Kaz nodded.

Jesper let go of your hand and left, the door closing soundlessly behind him.

“What of it, then, Kaz?” You asked. You did not mean to stay behind, not really, but you did. Kaz had more to disclose with you, as always, though it was something that went unsaid.

You were the one person in the world that Kaz would--albeit a little begrudgingly and only when he was nearly black out drunk--admit he cared about, and as such, you always got more to it than Nina did, than Jesper or Wylan or Inej or even Matthias had while he was alive.

But, you could not let that, nor how you felt about him, get in the way of your goal. You wanted to know as much of it as you possibly could before you fully committed before breaking into a palace that was located in the Ice Court, which, if your memory served, was a place with more security than any reasonable facility would’ve employed, even a place with a prison sector.

The knowledge you’d long learned pricked in your chest, the thought that accompanied it bubbling up in your mind as you met Kaz’s gaze, saw the blue of his eyes reflected in the rare Ketterdam sun as it filtered into the room through the office window.

Loving Kaz Brekker is lethal. Don’t get caught up in it.

“What of what, Y/N?”

“What of the plan?”

“Why should I tell you what my plan entails when you plan to go once all is said and done?”

“Reason versus excuse.”

“Reason: You are a valued member of my crew and to insinuate that I would ever want you gone for any reason, be it your feelings, my own, or the simple fact that I might deem you unsuited for my crew, is very insulting,” Kaz looked at you. Your heart quickened. “Excuse: I do not need to elaborate. I do not want to.”

You shrugged. “Even if you don’t want to discuss it, I need to know just how likely it is that I will make it out of the heist alive, or I will walk away and I will encourage Jesper and Wylan to do the same. Royals be damned, I am done putting my life in serious risk overseas. I did it once three years ago, and once is starting to seem like more than enough.”

“It’s not likely.”

“My survival or my death?”

“Nobody is likely to survive, Y/N,” he said. “But that’s why we do it, because we know nobody will care about Barrel trash.”

“Nina and Inej are not Barrel trash,” you spat. “Wylan and Jesper are not Barrel trash. Just because the only people who care about you, me, Wylan, Jesper, Inej, or Nina are those who’s names I have just listed, does not make us nothing. It does not make us worthless.”

“If you make it, buy a boat ticket, settle somewhere, and never think of me again,” Kaz said. “I could do without thinking of you, too.”

“The day that you let someone in, allow someone to care about you and let yourself care about them deeply in turn, is the day that my heart stops and I cease to exist, I swear to the saints.”

“The rumor is that I am heartless, so you should remain alive for a very long time.”

You said nothing, only scoffed and walked out of Kaz’s office, up to your room in the Slat.

Inej was at your windowsil by that afternoon, a grin on her face, a braid of black hair sitting on her right shoulder. She was wearing a black roughspun tunic and gray leggings along with a long black hooded coat to hold her knives and conceal her body while she scaled the buildings in Ketterdam, black boots that went up to the middle of her calf adorning her feet to finish the outfit off.

She looked exactly like what she was; a ships captain, one who always rolled her sleeves up to the elbow and had hands calloused from tying knots. She slipped through the opening of your window, vaulting gracefully off of it once she’d gotten her footing--you’d opened the window to let in a draft. The Slat always got humid in the summer and Ketterdam had a tendency for infrequent but strong breezes on days where the sun showed itself--and ended up a foot away from your bed.

“Kaz wrote me,” she said. “Though I assume it’s confirmed now, more than just possible?”

“We’re breaking into the Ice Court again, yeah,” you said, nodding. “When did he send?”

“Three weeks back. He had a feeling, according to rumor. I assume that he gave you the information while stone cold sober, though the letter he wrote to me read like he wrote it while he was drunk.”

You scoffed. “I may be one of his closest friends, but Kaz Brekker barely tells me anything. The most I can think of in regards to hints is the fact that he mentioned it just the other day while he was whiskey drunk. Said that the Ravkans need something back, something very valuable. I was given no other context clues to this.”

“You’d think for the one person Kaz Brekker will never truly let in, he’d tell you more than he does on the basis that he knows you’d never tell anyone a damn thing,” Inej commented. “Though, he’ll never let anyone in. It’s not his style.”

“Don’t I know it,” you said, sighing a bit. “Oh, don’t I fucking know it.”

Inejs face split into a pitiful smile. “Still?”

“Five and a half years gunning,” you said as you stood up. You draped an arm over her shoulders, let her lead the way out of your bedroom. “Not stopping any time soon, unless I get a one way boat ticket to Ravka or decide to live there permanently after the heist.”

“Come back to Ketterdam with me once this is through,” she said. “I’ll be staying two weeks to check out a couple of leads. Stay until I go, and I’ll take you with me to Novyi Zem. Drop you off in Cofton, where the decent houses are cheap but the good ones in the country are cheaper and have the better views of the sun while it rises and sets.”

You opened your door, left the room. “Yeah. That’ll help me tie up a couple of loose ends, too.”

Inej laughed. “What, will you leave him a note?”

“Perhaps,” you answered with a shrug as the two of you proceeded down the corridor. “A letter is more my style, I think. It’ll make Kaz hate me--for thinking to leave with just a note, for not telling him goodbye officially before I place it on his desk--but it’s what’s necessary.”

“It is not,” Inej said. “You say that you’ll write a letter of goodbye to him now, but I know you. You’ll leave the letter behind after you’ve hinted at your leave, at the very least.”

“No,” you couldn’t bear it. You could not say goodbye to his face nor hint at a goodbye, and that was something you’d realized as you thought of the heist that was to come throughout that day. It was something you realized as you thought of what would happen after it. “I can’t say goodbye to him in person. I can’t see that monotonous expression staring back at me while I’m close to tears and when he asks why, and I tell him I have loved him since we were fifteen, what then? How will I survive leaving Ketterdam--how will I survive saying goodbye to Kaz bloody Brekker, if I don’t do it in the form of written word?”

“You’ll start by drinking a lot of brandy, knowing you,” Inej said. “I started my leave off by learning how to tie every knot the members of my boat crew could. I wanted to leave, well and truly, but that didn’t mean it hurt any less. I learned knot tying, I wrote letters to my parents after Kaz had found them. I’ve never fully moved on from Ketterdam--I still love these streets and if I could die here, I would do so in the middle of a fight with the handle of a knife clutched in my palm--and I don’t intend to. You are not trying to move on from a city, Y/N. You are currently in the throes of trying to move on from a person.”

You said nothing because you knew Inej was right. You were so tired of the yearning, of the constant pain that loving Kaz Brekker brought on.

You loved Ketterdam. Well and truly, you did, but if you loved Kaz Brekker much longer, you were sure you would die of a broken heart. You did not want that for yourself--you did not want to be another one of the bodies brought out to the Reapers Barge and burned on the shores.

You found Kaz sitting at a table on the bottom floor of the Slat where Inej found Jesper and Wylan, and the two of you split off.

“When do we leave?”

“So you’ve made your decision?”

“When do we leave, Brekker?”

“Three days time. Ravka first, then a couple days on foot. We’re using the summer festival as a cover up this time.”

“The royals will be celebrating with the other delegations on the White Island?”

“And we don’t have to move through the prison. It’s just a matter of getting in, getting to the palace and grabbing the jewelry and then getting out.”

“You make it sound entirely safe,” you intoned. “Quite the opposite of what it is to be, I imagine.”

“One hundred thousand kruge is all any of us are getting after the split,” Kaz said. “Less money than breaking in is worth, but I convinced the merchant council out of thirty million once. I’m sure if I ask Nikolai to give us a better offer for our time, he will be the one stuck convincing the merchant council. It means there’ll be more time for me to wonder what I’ll put the money to.”

“Expansions, investments,” you said. “More flooring at the Slat, the building next to it and a couple of construction workers to join the places together. Worth it endeavor if you think about it.”

Kaz smirked at you. “A boat ticket, a farmhouse, jurda crop in the spring that you’ll sell in the fall?”

You snorted. “Or no boat ticket, no farmhouse, no jurda. Maybe a house in the financial district and a bed that feels like laying on a blanket made from the fur brushed off of Samoyed dogs.”

Kaz only shook his head in response, and a somber kind of silence settled over the two of you. A pang struck you in the chest as your eyes ghosted over his cheekbones, ran along the surface of his lips and down from his shoulders to his wrists to the tips of his gloved fingers.

He was looking at you in a way that you could not read or understand. Kaz’s expressions had always been unreadable, always something you had tried to understand when you thought over them. You could read his expression when you saw emotion flit across his face, but otherwise he looked monotonous. Annoyingly, handsomely, monotonous.

He would never say it, but you could tell he wanted you to stay. It was present in the unexpected anger that flitted across his gaze whenever it came up, the sarcastic manner with which he discussed it.

“If you want to leave, you’re welcome to go,” Kaz said. “I don’t need you to stick around if you don’t want to.”

“Perhaps I’m looking for reasons to stay,” you said. “Reasons aside from Inejs bi-monthly visits, reasons that do not primarily revolve around Jespers jokes, Wylans flute, or the rise and set of the sun.”

“Well then, I do hope you find those reasons,”

“And I do hope that if I do not, you’ll find time in your busy mob boss schedule to pay me a visit?”

Kaz looked at the darkly stained wood of the table instead of saying anything. It made you want to punch him in the face, made you want to punch yourself in the face for daring to ask that of him.

You’d dared to ask for some small admittance that he cared about you even slightly, and when did that ever quite go the way you wanted for it to?

But then, after a couple of seconds, he spoke. “You’re to visit during the summers and Christmas time, if you keep to the words you told Jesper this morning.”

“Come visit me in Spring or Autumn,” you said. “If I end up in Ravka, it’s always quite nice to watch the leaves turn and fall to the ground during the autumn season, and spring means lots of rain, which isn’t too different from Ketterdams weather year round anyway.”

Kaz said nothing again. You got up and spun around on your feet, heading straight for the bar. You needed a brandy and to not think of Kaz Brekker or the blue of his eyes or the sound of his voice for a minimum of twelve hours.

The three days leading up to your leave were monotonous. You worked your shifts at the Crow Club, watched the sun as it rose in the mornings and and set in the evenings. You talked with Inej, laughed with Jesper and found solace in the music Wylan played with his flute.

The trip to Ravka in and of itself was turning out to be just as monotonous. You’d taken to watching the waves, to closing your eyes and breathing in the cold air, listening to the sound of the waves as they hit the boat and rocked it lightly side to side.

You were another six, maybe seven hours out from Ravka. The shore was beginning to show itself, a mere dot across the almost endless expanse of the sea. You’d stood, watching and listening to the waves, for upwards of an hour by then. Jesper had joined you at first, you’d discussed what you would do with the money--you were still contemplating leaving, where Jesper revealed that he and Wylan were debating buying a farm house in Novyi Zem so that they could visit his father in the autumn and help him sell the jurda he grew--and laughed as you shared anecdotes.

But then, Jesper left. You stood in silence for the next thirty minutes, contemplating everything as it were.

You remembered what it was like to fall in love with Kaz Brekker. It had not been easy. It had been a mess and was a mess even still, and it made you want to leave.

Leaving, you quickly realized, meant moving on. Moving on, in the end, meant that you would probably fall in love with someone new and you would experience it all over again.

Could you handle falling in love again, though? You were entirely unsure of it.

Falling in love had been a mess the first time. Once, you found, was more than enough, especially if it meant you went through a repetition of what you’d been going through with Kaz; a love unrequited and a flame never lit.

Moving on almost sounded worse, though. You’d fallen in love with Kaz Brekker and, even as heartbreaking as it was, you’d grown used to it. You could handle loving him forever, never getting rid of the ache in your chest that he’d been the direct cause of, if it meant you never fell in love again and never had to go through it all a second time or a third after that.

However, speak of the devil and the devil shall come. You barely had a second to register the sound of his cane against the flooring of the boat before he was at your right, cane leaned against the railing as he pressed his back to it. His gaze was skyward, pointedly avoiding the water.

“What of it, Y/N?”

“What of what, Kaz?”

You were not looking at him. You could not stand to look at him.

“What of all of it?” Kaz asked. “One moment, you speak like you only ever want to leave and be rid of me forever, the next you talk as though you’re not going anywhere. What of it, Y/N? What of that?”

“Nothing,” you said, shrugging your shoulders aimlessly. “Perhaps I speak like I do with the aim of keeping you on your toes. It seems to be working in my favor.”

“Make a decision and stick with it,” Kaz said. “I cannot deal with not knowing whether you are to stay after all of this is done or if...” Kaz paused.

Kaz Brekker never paused. He never hesitated in anything.

“If you are to leave Ketterdam behind,” Kaz finished. You looked over to him, saw a surprising bout of regret flash in his gaze before yours moved back to the water. “I cannot handle it.”

“Well, you will have to handle it until my decision is made,” you said. “And besides, other than these random fits and starts, you have made no effort to indicate that you really do want me to stay. If you would like me to stay, just say it, Brekker.”

A long pause passed over the two of you. Kaz felt so close, but like he was miles away all the same.

“And if I do not?”

“If I am being honest, whether or not you want me to stay plays a very little part in whether or not I will,” a lie. A complete and total lie.

If Kaz Brekker asked you to stay in Ketterdam, you would have. It was quite as simple as that, but he could never know as much. You would never ever tell him that whether or not you stayed in Ketterdam was nearly entirely dependent on him because it would break your heart and harden Kaz’s into steel.

You would be let go from the Dregs and forced to leave regardless, for Kaz Brekker loved nobody. He thought love was a weakness, and those who were weak had no place in the gang he’d built from the ground.

“Then why does my admittance of whether or not I want you to stay mean anything?”

“I told you once that the day that you allow yourself to care about another human being is to be the day that my heart stops and I cease to exist,” you said. You turned to look at him. “Perhaps I just want you to admit that you care, or perhaps I have a death wish. I shall leave that up to your own contemplation.”

“If I asked you to, you would stay?”

“If you asked me twice, I would consider it. If Jesper and Wylan asked me once, I would consider it further, but if Nina offered me a place to stay or if Inej offered me a place on her crew, I would yes on the spot. I cannot do this forever, Kaz.”

“Do what?”

You flinched, felt grateful that Kaz only turned to look at you after it had happened. You realized that you had said too much.

I cannot keep loving you and wallowing in my heartbreak for the rest of my life, even as terrifying as moving on seems, even as terrifying as falling in love again sounds, you thought.

“This,” you gestured broadly. “The heists. The near constant act of risking my life for much less money than even I, a criminal, happen to think it’s worth.”

“So that’s it, is it?” Kaz asked. “You’ve made your decision. You’ll do the heist, you’ll collect what you’re owed, and then you’ll move on? You’ll forget about Inej and Nina, about Jesper and Wylan, and...” there it was again. A pause.

“I did not say that,” you said exasperatedly.

“You implied it well enough.”

“I was not trying to imply anything,” you said, growing more exasperated by the second. There was fire in Kaz’s gaze. It made you want to kill him, made you want to kiss him, and made you want to shoot yourself in the foot all at once. “I am only trying to say that I will stay if I am asked by the right people or if I decide that I do not want to leave after all is said and done! I am trying to say that I do not know what I will do, and that if I decide to leave, you are welcome to throw a party to honor my absence! Saints know you won’t miss me, Brekker, if you’re so bloody emotionally cramped that you can’t even bring yourself to ask of me the one thing that might prompt me to stay in Ketterdam for at least another little while!”

“I am not--”

“You are emotionally cramped like nobody I have ever seen in my entire life,” you said. You knew you were being cruel, but you decided you didn’t care. “You cannot bring yourself to admit that you care about people, and how dare you love anyone else because love is weakness even when you have more of a hold on Ketterdam than Pekka bloody Rollins did in his time. Love is weakness to you, Brekker, and I look forward to the day that you wake up and realize that love does not have to be weakness, but it can be strength if you would just listen to your emotions and let it be! Saints, you are awful.”

“I am treacherous,” Kaz said somberly. “I know that. You know that.”

“Well then, it looks like we finally have something in common,” you snapped. “I care about you, Brekker, and I care about you very deeply. All I need in order to stay is for you to finally just say it. Ask me to stay, tell me that you care, pretend to believe it when I lie and say that whether or not you do really doesn’t matter at all.”

Kaz said nothing. You watched him turn around, turn his gaze to the water. You saw his gaze harden, realized he was relieving something painful--a memory he hadn’t told you about, so it seemed--and grimaced.

“Caring is weakness,” Kaz said. “Weak is the last thing that I can afford to be.”

You scoffed and walked away, not meeting his gaze as you headed belowdecks in the hopes of finding a bit of peace of mind and the will to rest.

He found you in the palace a day and a half later. Negotiations had been completed, the carriage that would get you up to the Fjerdan permafrost in the preparation stages but nearly ready to go. You’d negotiated up from 100,000 kruge per person to 200,000 kruge. Not much, compared to the money you’d grabbed for the initial Ice Court heist--the theft of Kuwei Yul-Bo--but just in the realms of being good enough.

“What are the chances we survive this, Brekker?” You were sitting by the lake, feet in the water. trying to calm your heart down. “How many of us are risking our lives in having agreed to this?”

“All of us are,” Kaz said. “Nina knows it just as well. Inej and Wylan and Jesper know it. We’re the only ones who are capable enough to do this job, and if you survive, you get a decent pay out.”

You nodded. You’d known that all along, had figured that the odds of one of the six of you who remained dying were not quite the best. You just hoped it wouldn’t have been Kaz or Jesper. Had either of them died, your heart would’ve shattered in two with no large enough pieces to put back together again.

“I’m sorry for what I said on the boat,” you were. Kaz might’ve deserved all of your cruelty, but you were still apologetic. A lot of what you had said had been heat of the moment anger, some of it just a little true but never meant to be said as you had said all of it. “I never meant to say it like that.”

Kaz Brekker went still.

Silence lapsed. It was a silence that went on for several agonizing, suffocating minutes, silence that had your watching the sun as it set encompassed only by the sound of your heartbeat thrumming in your ears, the almost silent sound of Kaz’s breathing as he sat to your right.

It was suffocative. The silence you were experiencing in that moment had made you want to die like you’d never quite experienced it before. It was intense, a pain in your chest that you could only hope would go away. It hurt. You were hurting.

“Will you go?”

“I would very much like to as of now,” you said. “But I also would not. Thinking about it has become an absurdly repetitive process.”

“If you intend to, find Genya. I’m sure she’d be willing to tailor away the crow and the cup tattoo that sits on your forearm.”

“If I am to leave, I will not get rid of it,” you said. “I will be keeping my crow and cup, along with the Dregs affiliation that it carries, thank you.”

You were being sarcastic. It was the only thing you could will yourself to do in that moment.

“How long will you go, if you decide to leave?”

“If I am to leave and not come back around to visit, I wouldn’t be expecting my presence for at least three years,” more than half of the time during which you had loved him was the amount of time you expected moving on from him to take. You didn’t quite want to move on, but you needed to. You needed to move on from Kaz Brekker, to stop loving him, or you would die of it.

You would die of the love you felt for Kaz Brekker because loving him would’ve broken your heart in the end. There was no more escaping it, no more denying it. Loving Kaz Brekker would kill you whether or not that was something you wanted to admit.

“Will you write, in the least?”

You let yourself grin. It wasn’t quite the ‘I care about you’ in the direct, forward fashion you’d hoped for, but it was enough.

“I may,” you said. “I’ll enclose a return address so that you have no excuse when you do not respond.”

Kaz smiled. You noticed how rarely you actually saw him smile. You wished you were a Heartrender for a moment so that you would be able to listen to Kaz’s heartbeat instead of your own, and the moment passed.

“Be ready at sunrise,” were Kaz’s parting words before he was walking away, the familiar sound of the click of his cane being the only thing you heard before you heard the familiar sound of Jesper and Ninas footsteps.

Jesper joined you at the lake, pulled his trousers up a bit and put his feet into the water as he wrapped an arm around you, pressed a kiss to the top of your forehead.

Nina did the same, hiked up the skirt she wore to her knees and dipped her feet into the water as she grabbed one of your hands, shot you a somber look. It had been the first time you’d had the chance to see each other since she left Ketterdam in a schooner designed to look like one of the ones that would go to the Reapers Barge, laying beside her deceased beloved.

She hadn’t been too involved in the negotiating process simply due to the fact that she was busy tying up a couple of remaining loose ends in Fjerda, and while Kaz had been filling her in on the details you already knew, you’d been sitting by the lake or drinking tea by one of the samovars, wallowing within the depths of your own mind and trying not to resent every single second of it.

You wanted to cry. The first time you’d seen one of your closest friends in three years and there you were, wallowing in pity and in heartbreak because you had fallen for the worst person in Ketterdam who you could’ve fallen for.

“What’s happened?” She didn’t know. You hadn’t told her.

Jesper had found out from one too many times finding you crying about it in your room at the Slat, but Nina had never seen you cry. She had never known about how you felt for Kaz because you had never quite gotten around to telling her in the hopes of avoiding her pity filled gaze, but you had meant to. You’d promised yourself you would tell her before the Ice Court and you just...never had.

“He’s fallen for the worst person in Ketterdam that one is capable of falling for,” Jesper said. “And now, every time he thinks about that person, he wants to die because it is either A: continue to live in Ketterdam and exist in the pain that this person brings on, or B: leave and move on and debate coming back to Ketterdam three years from now while hoping that one look at the aforementioned person will not have him falling head over heels all over again.”

“You fell in love with Kaz Brekker?” Nina asked. You turned to look at her, and there it was. The pity in her gaze. “Oh, Y/N. You glorious fool.”

You laughed, a tired, sad laugh. “I know it was dumb,” you said. “But, if it helps, I didn’t mean to fall in love with him. It just kind of happened.”

She gave your hand a squeeze. “He’s an idiot.”

“As am I.”

“You two have that in common then,” she gave you a grin, and you grinned back, and for a moment you felt like you were seventeen again. You felt like the boy who laughed with Nina on the boat as you were headed for Fjerda, occasionally looking to her Fjerdan to find him glaring at you because he thought you were standing too close.

You were the boy who looked at Matthias as Nina laughed at one of Jespers jokes and saw that it looked like he had stars in his eyes.

You were the boy who flinched when Kuwei said that Kaz looked at you whenever you laughed or grinned the same way that Matthias looked at Nina whenever the sound of her laugh met his ears, denied it profusely because you had not seen it for yourself.

“He’s Kaz,” Jesper said. “Never knows shit about shit with his emotions but he’ll figure it out once he lets his emotions in a little bit, if he does do so. Doesn’t want you to leave, which is clear as day.”

“He doesn’t want me to go, but he refuses to tell me to stay,” you wanted to die. you wanted to jump into the lake and die. “I wish he would.”

“If he asked, would you say yes?”

You would’ve. You would’ve stayed, for at least another little while. “Yeah.”

“So all that needs to happen for you to stay is for Kaz to ask that of you?”

“Yeah.”

“Lovesick idiot,” Jesper shouted. “Saints, I know I might’ve been this bad with Wylan, but at least he’s never ripped my heart out a thousand times and still had the gall to ask me to stay with him. If he had, I wouldn’t’ve said yes. I would’ve vowed never to speak to him again. You are a lovesick idiot.”

“I know,” you said. “I legitimately yearn for death whenever I think about it too much, it’s just that--”

“Kaz Brekker is your first love,” Nina said. “Letting go of first loves is never easy for anyone.”

“The thought of leaving and moving on is terrifying to me,” you admitted. “Falling in love with Kaz was scary enough. Moving on just means getting over Kaz and doing it all again with someone new.”

“Yeah,” Nina nodded. “Trust me, it’s never easy. If you lose him, moving on will feel like a betrayal at first.”

“You can’t seriously think that--” began Jesper.

“It’s the bloody Ice Court,” Nina said coldly. “We went from seven to six the last time. Who’s to say we won’t lose someone else?”

“It’s more likely than not,” you chimed in. “Let’s just hope we do our jobs well enough. In and out, no losses.”

“No losses,” Jesper said, cutting a flare at Nina. “We’ll make it.”

“Making it out of the toughest situations is what we do best,” you offered, grinning slightly.

You didn’t know if you were right, but you had to hope, even if just a bit.

Kaz and Jesper had been walking through the halls of the Fjerdan Royal Palace when Kaz’s mind wandered. He was thinking about you again.

Just as he had been for four years. You, it seemed, had found a way to occupy all of the corners of his mind, sneaking up on him when he’d least expected it. He’d not found a way to stop thinking about you in the days since he’d begun to at sixteen, but at twenty, he was more than happy to allow that to keep on as it was.

The thoughts were a bit of a distraction as Kaz and Jesper moved, but Kaz had set a quick pace and he was able to keep it up even when lost within the depths of his mind, so it didn’t bother him much.

He was thinking of you again.

He did not know whether or not you would stay in Ketterdam after the heist. He knew what he needed to do to incentivize you to stay, but he just could not bring himself to say the words.

He’d wanted to when it was first discussed in the weeks before, when you had brought it up as a mere possibility. He’d wanted to say it when you were in the Slat the same afternoon, had yearned to do so on the boat amidst your fighting and as the two of you sat by the lake.

All that you had wanted was an admission from Kaz; a simple admittance to the fact that he cared about you--which, deep down, he knew he did. Hell, even on the surface, he knew he did.

He’d started truly giving a damn when the two of you were sixteen and he had not stopped since. He’d liked you, at first, and then somewhere along that line, liking you had turned into romance. It had turned into a love that Kaz had always thought would remain unrequited.

All that you had wanted from him was just “Fine. Yes. I care about you and I care about you deeply.” An admittance. Even a begrudging admittance would’ve worked, Kaz knew.

What did you get instead?

Caring is weakness, he’d said. Weak is the last thing that I can afford to be.

Thinking about it made Kaz want to grab one of Jespers revolvers and use it to shoot himself in the foot.

He remained unashamed to say that he’d had his idiotic moments but that moment was not idiotic. It was the next thing below it. It was the last thing he’d wanted to say to you right then, the first thing that came to his mind.

He would’ve told you to stay if it meant you would’ve. He would’ve said it a thousand times over, but there was still the necessity of acknowledging that you did not quite know what you were going to do. You did not know whether or not you were going to stay in Ketterdam and it was entirely too unfair of Kaz to ask that of you if staying was not what you wanted to do.

Kaz Brekker was not going to ask you to stay if it meant that he was making you feel like you had been forced. He was not going to ask you to stay if you really did want to go out and see what the world had to offer outside of the streets of Ketterdam, all of the familiar walkways in the Financial District and the abundance of alleyways and shortcuts throughout the best spots in the Barrel.

He was not going to ask you to stay if it meant he was forcing your hand in the matter. If you truly wanted to leave, Kaz Brekker was not going to ask you to stay and get in the way of your yearning for a life outside of the Barrel and its depths.

He’d wanted to ask you to stay, though. That much, he could admit. He’d really wanted to ask you to stay.

But he had not, and he would not. Not if it meant he was getting in the way of some bigger dream of yours.

Kaz and Jesper proceeded to take a left, run up a set of stairs, and move down a long corridor to the end of a long hall. The heist was simple enough.

You and Nina had walked every corridor in guards uniforms the night previous, Inej had scaled nearly every corner of the building in search of a window that could be opened from the outside, only to find that all of them locked and unlocked from the inside.

All that Kaz and Jesper had to do by that point was get the jewels, open a palace window that had been locked from the inside and give the jewels to Inej, From there, Inej would get the jewels to Nina and Wylan and you were left with distracting the guards to keep them from noticing as Kaz and Jesper slipped out of the palace through the entrance and left through the White Island exits, forged papers on their person so that they held up when they were examined at the exit checkpoints.

Easy enough, when one discounted the fact that alarms sounded off in the palace every two hours during the summer celebration to alert guards to the presence of possible thieves.

Kaz and Jesper were working in that two hour window, and even with how fast they were moving, getting to the top floor of the palace was taking a lot more time than either of them had anticipated. By the time they’d reached the top, they had only an hour and fifteen minutes to get the jewels out of the triple-locked safe the royals had stored them in, exit the room and get down to the bottom floor before escaping without being noticed.

The first step was unlocking the window and pushing it open so as to allow for Inej to slip into the room.

The room that the safe was in was a perfect representation of Fjerdan honor. icy white tiled floors, pristine white walls, clear windows displaying your average scene of snowy Fjerda and the mountains beyond the Ice Court and the palace. The safe was the same depth of black as the bulky Druskelle wore, the key lock on the window just a bit darker than the safe had been.

Kaz cracked the lock on the window first, grateful that it was a simple lock that only required a key and could be picked with one of the lockpicks that Kaz had managed to tuck into the inner pockets of the rough spun coat he wore. That cut down on time significantly, made it less likely that he was to be risking his own life, though the risk had always been the fun part.

“Jesper, you get the window,” Kaz said as he moved to the corner of the room, resting the lock atop the safe that stood at six feet tall. “I’ve got fifteen minutes to crack the safe before Inej gets here, and it took us forty five bloody minutes to get from the bottom to here. We’ll be running on borrowed time with the more of it we waste.”

Jesper heaved a sigh, opened the window. He and Kaz both bristled at the harsh winters breeze that flooded through the room with the action, though Kaz’s gaze was already on the first of three locks, eyes scanning the room for clues in the numerical code.

“You’ve not asked him to stay,” Jesper said as he began to scan the room as well, eyes searching at the same time as his hands moved under windowsils and along walls, in search of number shaped dents. “All that Y/N wants is for you to ask him to stay and he’ll do it.”

“That’s the elephant in the room, isn’t it? Him wanting me to admit that I care and my continued refusal?” Kaz asked, eyes going to the ceiling, squinted, searching for a number combination.

“Fjerdan queens birthday?” He asked.

“October eighth,” Jesper said. “Thank Nina for that one.”

“No thanks are owed. The code on the first lock is six digits, and with luck, October eighth presents itself as four at most,” Kaz said. “Did you notice any numbers while we moved?”

“You had us moving like bolts of lightning. Of course I didn’t.”

“We walked six floors,” Kaz began. “Two flights from one floor to the next including the lead up to the palaces. Two flights per floor is twelve flights at minimum. Did you count the steps you took?”

“Twenty steps per flight,” Jesper said with a nod. “Try 621220.”

Kaz input the code, and to both his and Jespers collective relief, it worked.

The next lock was less simple. It was a more complex version of the lock on the window, three key locks that needed to be unlocked in four second intervals. When one wasn’t prepared for something of that sort, opening them was akin to walking through hell twice and then exiting to find you’d only left the previous circle and gone into the next.

Kaz input all three lock picks, got the first free, then the second and the third. He could feel Jespers gaze on him as he stood by the window, listening for the distinctive silence that meant Inej was just around the corner.

“I’ve wanted to ask him to stay,” Kaz confessed as he examined the third lock. It was another set of triple locks that needed to be unlocked rapidly, four seconds one after the other at minimum. There were two sets, and Kaz had to hope that they were programmed as two sets of three. There was also safe code that needed cracking. It was a word that time, thankfully. “I have, and I have almost done it several times.”

“Then do it,” Jesper said. “Forgo all fears of weakness and just tell him you want him to stay. I don’t know if you’re in love with him or what, but if you are and you don’t at least ask him to stay in Ketterdam for the sake of the waffles and the views, he will go and you will lose him forever.”

Kaz only turned his gaze to the safe. “Word of Fjerdan significance?”

“Djel,” Jesper said.

Kaz input the code as Inej slipped through the window. “Talking about Y/N, I would assume.”

“Jesper is,” Kaz said pointedly. “He’s doing most of the talking, actually.”

The code did not work.

“Maybe it’s more than four letters,” Inej suggested. “Try honor. Pride. Druskelle. Loyalty. Murdering innocents.”

Jesper gave an ungraceful snort at Inej’s last suggestion, and Kaz only shook his head, though he could admit that he’d found it amusing.

Kaz typed in pride first, then when that didn’t work, typed honor. He took a deep breath in when the code scanner gave a warning that it was the last time a code could be inputted before the lock reverted to it’s original coding--a code set during the manufacturing process, one that had been changed by the royals since the locks purchase.

He typed in his last hope. Druskelle.

The screen on the lock turned a bright green color, and relief flooded the room as Kaz grabbed the lockpicks and situated them in the first locks, moving with deft hands and feeling almost at ease as the first set of three locks clambered to the floor and sat around his feet. He repeated the process, putting the lockpicks in and working the locks within four seconds, feeling relief flood his system as the locks fell to the ground.

The final of three doors opened, and Kaz was back in his rhythm. He took all of the Ravkan jewelry that he could see in the safe--several emerald necklaces, an antique tiara worn by one of Ravkas previous queens and each Fabergé egg that had been taken--and passed them to Inej, who put them into the bag she’d had on her back and reminded Kaz and Jesper of the time of the rendezvous and the rendezvous point.

“Jesper, it’s best you go,” Kaz said. “I’ll relock the safe and meet you at the rendezvous.”

“If you don’t make it--”

“Provided that I make it to the bottom floor, Y/N will have my six. Stop worrying.”

Jesper only shrugged. “No mourners.”

“No funerals.”

Kaz did not watch Jesper go. Instead, he closed the first of three doors and got to putting the locks back in their places. He had a job to finish, money to collect, and someone to ask to say in Ketterdam on the way back home.

Kaz was on the bottom floor, close to the exit, when the alarms went off and two guards saw him, firing off two shots rapidly. Kaz was able to get one of the guards with the gun he’d thought to hide in the pocket of his coat, though he missed the shot he fired at the other.

Kaz was disoriented as his eyes moved rapidly around the corridor, searching for an out at the same time as he tried to take inventory of his injuries.

He’d been shot in the arm, if the burning pain in his right bicep was of any indication, and it felt like he’d been shot in the stomach as well.

“Oh, you’re a Ketterdam criminal,” said one of the guards as he approached. “Brekker, isn’t it? You’re one of the hot shots in that wretched Barrel spot?”

Kaz didn’t say anything, eyes continuing to rove around the corridor as he took cautious steps back. He realized he wasn’t looking for an out any longer, but instead trying to find you in a sea of black guard uniforms.

I am going to stay alive, Kaz thought. I am going to make it through this. I will not die without telling him that--what? What will I tell Y/N?

“Kaz Brekker,” Kaz said. “Bastard of the Barrel, Dirtyhands. Pick one.”

A shot rang out from somewhere nearby.

“Who’s on your crew, Brekker?”

“The worst of the worst,” Kaz said with a shrug, trying to ignore the fact that he was losing blood and feeling in his right arm. “If you wanted names from me, shooting me in the arm and the stomach was not a good idea. How can I give you names if I fall unconscious and die before you have the chance to actually question me?”

In response, Kaz recieved a bullet wound in his leg, one that made it harder to stand and near impossible not to lean on his cane.

“That is more counterintuitive than you think.”

Another shot.

“Looks like one of your buddies is comin’ round to save your arse,” said the guard. “Too bad you’ll be dead before they get the chance.”

A third shot, though that time it went through the head of the guard who had been taunting him.

“You really can’t go one Fjerdan mission without risking your life?” Nina asked as she, you, and Jesper came into sight. “Saints, Brekker. I thought Y/N had a death wish, but it seems you do instead.”

“Can you walk?” You asked as you approached. Kaz realized he was sitting on the floor, having fallen at some point without realizing. “Ghezen, these wounds are bad. You can try, but you’ll fail.”

“I will not--”

“You might not have a choice, Kaz,” you whispered. “You need to be able to walk or I will have to carry you out.”

“We could just leave him here to die?” Nina suggested.

Kaz watched you turn around and glare at her, knowing that the fury in his gaze likely seemed futile to Nina.

“I am not leaving him here,” you said. “No. That is not an option that I am willing to consider.”

Kaz blinked, fighting off his exhaustion as you draped one of his arms over your shoulders and helped him to stand. He felt the bare skin of his wrist against your shoulder as you got to moving, and instantly, it felt like he was drowning.

The waters were rising again. He could hear Jordies voice somewhere far out, feel the water at his ankles and quickly rising to his knees. He wanted to die in that moment, yearned for it more than he did anything else.

But he was going to leave the Ice Court alive or not at all, and he refused to stay, so he forced his gaze to the ground. He reminded himself that your heart was still beating. He focused on the sound of your breath, in and out. In and out. Alive. You were alive.

Kaz had been trying to work on his touch aversion since he was seventeen. There were good and bad days both, but it seemed that that day was terrible, that it was Hell incarnate.

He wanted to die. He wanted to live. He wanted to ask you to stay in Ketterdam despite the fact that he did not want to know whether or not you would. Kaz Brekker needed to tell you that you’d consumed his every thought since he was sixteen years old, and he needed you to understand that he was fine with that.

As he slipped into unconsciousness, hearing only the sound of your voice as you begged for a medik to see to him, Wylans voice as he asked Jesper what happened and Jespers voice as he explained, he was thinking about you. He needed to tell you everything.

The following few days were a blur. Leaving through the exit point with a medik in tow, getting to a hotel and eventually heading back to Ravka in a carriage. Kaz had pockets of consciousness and every time he woke, your name was the first thought to enter his mind and the first word to leave his lips.

When he woke in a bed in the Ravkan palaces, he found you at his bedside.

“The money has been split six ways into the offshore bank accounts we were set up with during the first Ice Court heist,” you explained as Kaz looked at you. “I told Nikolai to talk to the Merchant council again, demand an additional fifty thousand for each of us.”

“On what grounds?”

“You nearly died,” you said. “You deserve 250,000 kruge for that. The rest of the crows deserve the additional compensation because they know that they’re worth more than 200,000.”

“And you?”

“I don’t deserve it,” you said. “I’ve taken to the habit of not believing I deserve anything good as of late, but I figured that Nina, Jesper and I saved your life and that does count for something.”

“Thank you,” Kaz said. He wanted to ask you to stay. He would not. “For saving my life. I owe you.”

“You owe me nothing,” you said. “I cannot let you owe me, Brekker.”

Kaz turned his head. He wanted to sleep. He wanted to die. He wished that the guard had killed him while he’d had the chance.

“You and the others will leave tomorrow at nightfall,” you said. “I wish you luck, Kaz.”

Kaz did not watch you go, only heard your footsteps and the door opening and then closing.

He turned again, sat up and took inventory of the room. It was a typical room in the Little Palace--lots of windows, bright yellows and warm blues. There were lamps burning high, and from Kaz’s first guess as he looked out the window, he assumed it was early morning, the last hour or so before the sunrise. The clock hung on the wall parallel to his bed confirmed his suspicions.

The only thing that looked even slightly out of place was the letter placed on the pillow to Kaz’s right. His name was on it, and the letter was written in your hand. He picked it up cautiously, began to read.

Kaz,

I am writing you this letter because I am a coward. I am a coward who would not be able to manage saying my goodbyes to you, confessing all of this, watching your heart become steel while mine shattered into a broken, unfixable mess. You may call me cruel, you may call me cowardly, you may choose to never reach out to me again. I will understand whatever choice you make, and I hope that you choose to cut contact. It’ll make moving on easier.

I have loved you since I was fifteen years old. I cannot handle it any longer--the yearning, the heartbreak, the constant reaffirmations that you cannot care about me, that you refuse to let yourself.--and I have chosen to leave.

I have loved you since I was fifteen years old and if I keep going as I am, the heartbreak that I feel day in and day out will kill me. When you read this, I will have explained that the money is in the offshore accounts you set up during the first Ice Court heist, and I will have told you when you and the others are to go. Jesper and Wylan are the only ones who know I plan to leave.

I will see you again as I have things I need to grab from the Slat before I go, but I ask that you do not acknowledge me. I am trying to move on, as much it breaks my heart to do so, and moving on will be a lot easier if you just pretend I do not exist.

Best regards,

Y/N.

Kaz didn’t have much time to react. He only set the letter down, closed his eyes, and willed himself to go to sleep again. He could save reacting to the letter for later if it was to be so necessary.

A week and a half later, Kaz was approaching Fifth Harbor with nothing but an ache in his heart and an extremely diluted sense of hope lingering at the corners of his mind.

The minute he found you, the hope grew stronger. He willed himself to move forward, found himself standing at your left just minutes later. His hands were gripping his cane, the typical coat gone so that he didn’t die of a heatstroke in Ketterdams summer humidity.

He was wearing a white button up with the sleeves rolled to the elbows, black slacks and a black tie. He looked like a relaxed version of himself, though he was anything but relaxed.

“You wrote me a letter in the presence of a goodbye,” Kaz said. “In your letter, you say that you couldn’t’ve done this in person. You said that you couldn’t bear to watch my heart turn to steel while yours broke. You didn’t even give me a chance to say goodbye, and you’ve been avoiding me while you’ve packed up the last of your things that were in the Slat.”

“I told you to act as though I did not exist.”

“And I listened for two days,” Kaz said. “You didn’t give me a chance to say goodbye to you, Y/N. I have more to say to you and I am not going to be saying whatever it is that you think I will be.”

“And if I assume you’re professing your love for me?”

“Well, it’s a very good thing that Inej is currently dealing with the spies from our rivals that are within earshot, then,” Kaz said.

“My boat leaves in a half hour,” it hadn’t even docked yet.

“Then I’ve got at least twenty minutes,” Kaz said. “I do care about you, Y/N. I have loved you since I was sixteen years old, even as much as I do not want to admit that. Love is weakness to every last person in the Barrel, and I could not have anyone knowing I loved someone else.”

“Even so, loving you has been--”

“A trainwreck,” Kaz said. “A medley of heartbreak and sorrow and near constant yearning. I know. Jesper has told me all of it, as have Inej and Wylan. They read the letter you left me and while Jesper and Wylan took a more direct approach, Inej was subtle. She would bring it up in ways that felt like I was being stabbed in the gut. I know that all loving me has meant for you is constant emotion, not all of them happy, and I accept that for what it is.”

“I have to go. I have to move on--”

“Stay,” Kaz said, desperation crawling in through his blood and being pumped straight into his chest. “Stay in Ketterdam. Just for another little while.”

You turned to look at him. You finally turned to look at him.

You thought on it for a while, until your boat had docked and you and Kaz were hearing the captain shout last call for passengers.

“Okay,” you said, nodding. “I’ll stay for another year.”

Kaz couldn’t help it. He grinned. You grinned back at him, and he felt his heart grow so light it could’ve left the cavity of his chest and he wouldn’t’ve noticed.

You walked back to the Slat while talking of the next job and joking and jabbing at one another, though that time, it was different. Kaz had said as he needed to say. You were staying in Ketterdam, on the way to becoming a couple, and Kaz was happy. Well and truly happy for the first time in what felt like forever.

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x male reader #six of crows #shadow and bone #shadow and bone netflix

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