#he abandoned two people he cared about for a life he realistically would no longer fit into

[laurellerual]

Realistically it's more helpful to use material written by George Martin to theorize about what's going to happen in his books, rather than books written by other people.

So where is the evidence that Gendry is prejudiced against wargs? He doesn't even know what they are. The only times Gendry has to deal with this side of Arya he seems to accept what she says to him without any problems or particular judgments:

She must have slept, though she never remembered closing her eyes. She dreamed a wolf was howling, and the sound was so terrible that it woke her at once. Arya sat up on her pallet with her heart thumping. "Hot Pie, wake up." She scrambled to her feet. "Woth, Gendry, didn't you hear?" She pulled on a boot. All around her, men and boys stirred and crawled from their pallets. "What's wrong?" Hot Pie asked. "Hear what?" Gendry wanted to know. "Arry had a bad dream," someone else said.

.

"You stay here with the horses," Arya said. "I'll get rid of him. Come quick when I call." Gendry knotted. Hot Pie said, "Hoot like an owl when you want us to come." "I'm not an owl," Arya said. "I'm a wolf. I'll howl”. […] When he stopped moving, she picked up the coin. Outside the walls of Harrenhal, a wolf howled long and loud. She lifted the bar, set it aside , and pulled open the heavy oak door. By the time Hot Pie and Gendry came up with the horses, the rain was falling hard. "You killed him!" Hot Pie gasped.

If there's one character in Arya's story who isn't obsessed with the supernatural, it's this guy. For example, he has already met the ghost of High Heart and had no particular reaction. When he witnessed the resurrection of Lord Beric, he merely acknowledged that the Red god probably exists and decided to join the Brotherhood. When Lady Stoneheart was resurrected the Brotherhood split but he decided to stay. Why would wargs be so inconceivable to a person who has seen a witch prophesy and two people resurrect before his eyes? If Gendry is prejudiced against the Old gods or magic he has never shown it.

First they are not her ancestors they are the Boltons' men, Robb's men, and Hoster Tully's men. These last two are the people Arya asks him to smith for. He has the right to have an opinion on them after the injustices he has seen them commit. However, he just watches her to see how she reacts to the news that her side is not has good as she tought.

Arya begins her journey in the Riverlands still convinced that "wolves don't eat babies" (to metaphorically quote her own words). Arya is wrong and it's a lesson she learns gradually. The very first step is when Mycah is killed and she realizes that her father's men don't give a damn about this injustice. But then along comes the Boltons, Robb's men, and Hoster's men… Post-Riverlands Arya no longer believes that “wolves don't eat babies”. Now she is a more mature and aware person.

Gendry remains with the Brotherhood even when their original mission is shelved because of Lady Stoneheart. Why? Because he doesn't have nowhere else to go? Yes. Because he is furious that the Freys killed an innocent girl, who was his friend? Probably.

But last we see him in AFFC he's not killing innocent Freys, he's protecting an orphanage. And I think it's interesting to note that when he had just met Arya he didn't care at all about protecting the children, in fact he was willing to abandon them to have a better chance of surviving. Wow character development.

Speaking of Brienne: the reader knows she is innocent. For the characters Brienne is the kingslayer's whore who goes around looking for the Stark girls with a Lannister red sword.

I wait for evidences that Gendry doesn't accept Arya as she is. But only if they come from ASOIAF books. And no, the fact that Gendry thinks highborns unfairly exploit lowborns isn't proof, because Arya totally agrees with him. Simply he knew it 'already 'cause he's lived in poverty all his life, but Arya has only recently experienced this so she need some time to process what is her role as a lady in this.

I don't know what 'meat boy' means.

#arya stark #gendry #gendry waters #gendrya #arya x gendry

[sanrielle]

Let's talk about Azula and redemption arcs...

There's a lot of discussion in the fandom regarding this topic—much of it argumentative and even toxic at times.

But what I don't see talked about is how—whether Azula is redeemed or remains a villain—both options are valid storytelling choices that are entirely dependent on the circumstances the storytellers inflict on her.

I'm referring mainly to fanfiction here, but let's talk for a moment about the upcoming Azula comic, which has promised 'a chance at redemption' for her. That's no guarantee, but it's a tantalizing hint that the creators wish this fate for her.

If I'm being honest, I don't have a whole lot of faith in it, and not because I'm too firmly in one camp or the other. It's because the bar is SO high already. Zuko's redemption arc is widely considered The Best Ever, and that's largely because of how much time and attention it was given, spanning three seasons and nearly a year in-universe. He had triumphs and failures, baby steps forward and backslides. He had a mentor that truly cared, and he had empathetic enemies. But most importantly, he was given an actual desire to become a better person and fix his mistakes.

I really don't believe that kind of depth is possible in a single comic. While I've enjoyed most of the comics for what they are, they generally lack the length to really dig deep. If Azula's possible comic redemption is anything like Kuvira's—which was rushed, painfully shallow, and didn't give nearly enough attention to the horrors and betrayal she inflicted on those that cared about her—I think it will disappoint most fans.

[But Ruins of the Empire is a topic for another day.]

Really, this isn't about whether or not Azula gets a redemption arc in canon. It's not even about whether or not she deserves one. It's about the fact that there are two opposing sides who can't seem to shake hands and say, 'Your take is valid and I respect it.'

The fact is that she is a deliciously complex character with traits that allow for incredible stories on either path.

She's a bloodthirsty, remorseless killer who is ALMOST entirely lacking in empathy. (I say 'almost' because there are a few hints that there's a spark of that in there somewhere, though it's overruled by other things). She also displays narcissistic tendencies and is skilled at manipulating the people around her to her own benefit.

But...it's pretty clear that she was groomed by her father to be the way she is, including her belief that her mother didn't love her. She also seems quite capable of forming bonds with people, and displays agitation when she is abandoned by them.

So. All of this tells me that what Azula needs is a reason to change—some kind of catalyst that will break her down to the point at which she surrenders and has a real, honest desire to atone for her many, many atrocities. It would be cool to see a complex, well-thought-out story that does this.

On the other hand, Azula is an awesome villain. We (sort of) know why she is the way she is and we know that she delights in causing others pain. Realistically, many 'bad' people never mend their ways. They go their whole lives seeing themselves as the victim, refusing to take accountability for their actions, and continuing down a path of self-destruction. It's horribly tragic and it's life, and I think writers have every right to tell that story with her.

This diatribe was longer than expected. TLDR: Azula could have a cool redemption. Or not. Fanfic writers, do what you want and don't let the naysayers bring you down.

#atla #avatar the last airbender #azula #I have opinions

[skzfelixity]

Love Me Or Leave Me Part 2 | Chishiya Shuntaro [Alice In Borderland]

Chishiya x Reader

Summary: Still at the beach, you decide to return the cards by yourself while not believing Chishiya’s feelings. However, an incident with Niragi changes your mind.

Warnings: just a punch, niragi being niragi

part one

tags: @shyloh-the-cornsnake​

You woke up in a room, which apparently wasn’t yours. Your ceiling wasn’t as clean as this one for sure. The last thing you remembered was Chishiya’s confession in the rooftop, he must have left the beach by now. Wrong-

“You’re awake,” Chishiya entered the room, sitting at the table near the bed. You assumed this must be his room, realising that you had never been in here. He just stared at you as you observed the room, expecting questions to come out from your mouth.

“Why are we still here?” That was the first thing you wanted to know. He told you he would take you with him but you were still at the beach, his plan couldn’t have failed.

“Right after I tased you, Kuina informed me that every exit was guarded by militants so we had to abandon our plan,” he leaned back on the chair, his hood up his head and hands in his pockets. That meant that they lost the chance to leave because he was looking for you but he didn’t seem mad about it. You felt bad. You would feel less guilty if it was only him who stayed behind but it was Kuina as well. His great desire to leave the beach was thrown away because he wanted you with him. That also should mean that he has feelings for you- no, that can’t be it.

“You should have left before looking for me.” You rested your back on the bed frame. No matter how much you wanted to hate him, you couldn’t. If he left, he would probably be safer. He stood up and walked over to you, sitting on your side of the bed. “There was no point in leaving without you and there is no point in living without you.”

You were surprised at what he said, for sure he had his way with words. You chuckled, not believing him. You wanted to believe him but what he did a few hours ago didn’t let you. He knew you wouldn’t believe anything he said, that wouldn’t stop him from trying though. “What about the cards? Did you return them?”

He pulled the cards out of his pocket, answering your question. You gasped at the sight. If they find out that the cards are missing, hell knows what will happen. They might kill everyone here. “We have to return them!”

Chishiya smirked at the mention of ‘we’, placing the cards back in his pocket. “It’s too dangerous to go back there.”

“We have to-”

“They’ll never suspect us. I was the one who told Hatter someone got in there!” He tried to calm you down by bringing up a realistic assumption. He wasn’t going to risk yours or his life by returning those cards, he’d prefer to burn them instead.

“That doesn’t matter! We have to return them or else innocent people will get hurt!” The last thing you wanted was people to die because of what you three did. You couldn’t just vanish their hope to go back to the real world because of a stupid plan. Sure, most of them would die anyway but you didn’t want it to be this way.

“You don’t know that-” Chishiya isn’t dumb, he knows people will definitely die. 

“I am sure of it, Chishiya. Unlike you, I don’t want people to die because of me,” you brought up what happened a few hours ago. You had to be the considerate one among you two, it wasn’t right to let people die for your sake.

“What matters now is you and I being safe, we can’t do something so risky!” He ignored what you said about him, he didn’t have time to care for others. He wouldn’t sacrifice himself for someone he didn’t find worthy, who would do that? Judging by your personality and what you previously said, he knew you would. Your selflessness angered him, he couldn’t stand the thought of losing you. You’re the only one he would look out for, apart from himself.

“So now you care about me being safe? You know what? I am going to return them myself!” You stood up from the bed, determined to prevent a mass murder from happening.

“I am not letting you!” He reached out for your hand. He knew someone would see you, you didn’t know about who was wandering in the hallways. It was after midnight, the time when most people went to their rooms.

“I survived your plan, this will be nothing compared to that,” you yanked your hand out of his grip. You hated what he was doing. He was trying to look out for you when he literally had you in danger a few hours ago. You couldn’t understand him, even thinking about what was going on inside his head made you dizzy.

“Don’t make me tie you to the bed,” he stood up from the bed but you pushed him down. His back on the matress with you on top of him. One of his hands brought you closer to him, you didn’t resist and leaned into his ear. “Kinky but I’ll pass,” you quickly snatched the cards from his pocket and stood back up.

You walked to the door, him following you immediately. “Don’t worry, I’ll be back so you can use me for another plan of yours in the future.”

He watched you reach for the doorknob, trying to think of a way to stop you. His heart started beating faster at what you said, he really had messed up.

“I am sorry.”

Your hand fell from the doorknob to your side, these were three words that you never expected to hear from him.

“I am sorry that I used you before realising what you meant to me. I was stupid. I can’t lose you this time so please don’t go.” His eyes still held the dullness you were so used to, making it harder for you to believe him. You didn’t want to be fooled again, it would be embarrassing. You reminded yourself that the only person you could trust was yourself. Pushing your feelings for the male aside, you laughed loudly. The exaggerated reaction helped you ignore the pang in your chest. “Nice one! Who taught you to be so good with words? Did you take classes by some 1980′s gentleman?”

Although pissed that you just laughed at what he was feeling, the only thing he could do was sigh. Normally, he would curse and be mad at you but the guilt of his actions didn’t allow him to. “You’re probably hurt right now but-”

“Probably? Probably, Chishiya? You knew I loved you and you used that to satisfy your desires!” You were tired of dealing with him. You didn’t want to deal with him and his manipulative tricks anymore, it was getting exhausting. “If I don’t get caught while returning those cards, I don’t want to see you ever again.”

Before he could say anything, you left. His heart wanted to run after you but his brain told him not to so he didn’t. He sat down on his bed with a sigh. You survived earlier so you would survive now too. He didn’t need to worry, right? Lies, people here are dangerous.

“What are you sighing for?” Kuina entered his room, curious about why he seemed troubled. “Y/N is on her way to return the cards right now,” Chishiya informed her but it was like he reminded that to himself.

“Yeah, I know. I told her where the actual safe is and confirmed the password,” Kuina shrugged and her eyes fell to the bed. It was untidy and Chishiya doesn’t sleep at this hour so it was safe to say he had you lying here a few minutes ago.

“And you just let her go?” Again, it was like he was talking to himself.

“I assumed you already tried to stop her. If the person she loves didn’t manage to stop her, how could I?” She smirked, knowing well that he was disappointed at himself that he failed to stop you. 

“She doesn’t love me anymore,” he sighed as he fixed his bed. It hurt to say that, you no longer smiled at him. You gave him the sharpest and coldest words, he never thought something like that would bother him that much.

“She does. You’re the one who doesn’t love her here.” She spoke the obvious, anyone who observed you two would think that Chishiya didn’t care about you at all. But it really wasn’t about how others viewed your relationship.

“I do.. love her.”

“Then act like it if you do!” She yelled frustrated. She really wanted Chishiya to be with someone that could change him for the better and that was you. The vibes he was giving off weren’t the usual boring and dull ones. She could have ran away from the beach but she chose to stay behind for you two to be happy together.

Before Chishiya ran to the rooftop, he offered her the cards to run away on her own in case he didn’t find you in time. She didn’t expect it from him, Chishiya giving up on his long planned desire to leave? Sure there were possibilites of finding you in time but they both knew they were low. Even if he did, he’d have to spend some time on persuading you. Although it would be smart to get the cards, she refused.

She was a little touched to see him in love, that’s definitely what he was. He was in love with you, he wouldn’t abandon his plan for someone who wasn’t important to him. “Whatever, I’ll be in her room.”

“I guess he found the one.” Kuina smirked, satisfied to have figured out that you were the one that was slowly breaking down Chishiya’s walls. Maybe one day, you wll be able to leave the beach all three of you together.

[...]

You stood outside Hatter’s, praying that he wasn’t in there. You took the risk and opened the door, not seeing anyone around. You rushed to the deer painting, taking down. You entered the code, flashbacks of your first try hitting you. You would have tried to open the wrong safe if you didn’t back out. It’s really crazy how one decision can change your whole life.

You left the room, your mission accomplished. You didn’t know but you really just saved the whole population of the beach. Actually scratch that, you knew.

“Oh, Y/N!” A very drunk Niragi bumped into you. You were a few meters away from Hatter’s room and you had no reason to be there, that would be suspicious. You gave him an awkward smile, trying to cover yourself up as his eyes roamed your body.

He walked closer to you and snaked an arm around your waist, “Since we’re alone, why don’t we have some fun?”

Your breath hitched in your throat as his breath hit your ear. There was no point in answering, he will have it his way anyway.

“Niragi!” Aguni pulled the boy away from you by his shirt, “Quit messing around, you’re on patrol!”

You finally could breathe properly thanks to Aguni, reminding yourself to thank him in away he wouldn’t understand. “What are you doing here?” He glared at you as Niragi got out of his grip, rolling his eyes at his boss.

“I got dragged here by that idiot,” you pointed at Niragi, who was trying his best to walk properly. Aguni nodded at you and followed the beach’s most dangerous man.

You sighed in relief and went to your room. You didn’t want to think what would have happened to you if he found out why you were really there. The only thing you wanted to do was go to dream land. You didn’t even bother to turn on the lights, you went staight to your bed.

“You’re late,” Chishiya turned on the lamp you had next to your bed, revealing himself. He had been pacing around the room, waiting for you to come back. Too worried that you wouldn’t return.

“I met Niragi on my way back,” you shivered, remembering his breath on your ear. Disgusting. Chishiya noticed and knew Niragi tried something, I mean Niragi is Niragi. “What did he do?”

“Nothing that could kill me.” You shot another remark, reffering to his plan.

“Yet.” He rolled his eyes, reminding you that Niragi is dangerous as well. He was actually more dangerous than everyone in the beach.

“Can you leave? I told you I don’t want to see you again.”

“It doesn’t seem like it,” he smirked at you, hands in his pockets. His usual posture.

“You let me open the wrong safe? You must really love me huh?” You changed the subject, your heart falling to your stomach. He really sacrificed you like that.

“Y/N-”

“Please go, I am tired of you.” You didn’t have the energy to deal with him. Talking to him was like trying to solve a riddle. Did he mean what he said? What was the hidden message behind his sentences? It drove you crazy how complicated he was. You wanted him to be simply honest with you.

“No, you are not. You still love me!” He expected you to come back into his arms after all this ‘persuading’ but you didn’t. Too mad that he was wrong, you finally saw a different expression on his face. You seemed to not love him anymore and he didn’t want to accept that.

“I don’t love y-”

He kissed you, he did what his heart wanted him to. He missed you, he never knew he needed you. It took one dangerous plan to make him realise that you were special to him, he wished he had been better at figuring out feelings. For once, he felt stupid. You pushed him away harshly, his eyes widening at your action. “You should really leave.”

He nodded, what did he expect? To be kissed back and make up? Obviously not, you were about to tell him that you didn’t love him anymore. He didn’t want to hear it so he kissed you. He walked out of the room, ready to accept the fact that he couldn’t have you anymore but then he heard your sobs.

You wanted to kiss him back but it was wrong to do so. He always has to confuse you and make you wonder if he really loves you. He always did that. You were genuinely tired of him but you needed him. You dropped down on the floor, the sobs making your whole body vibrate.

Why fall in love in a deadly world like this? Love here is unnecessary, it will break you and distract you even more. However, there was no point in fighting for visa days if you didn’t get to see him afterwards. All the moments that made you keep on fighting meant nothing to him. Deeply hurt by that, you pushed him away even though you have a clue of what he actually feels for you. 

You believed what he said to you but you don’t want to risk it again. You acted like you didn’t for the sake of your pride and well being. The second one didn’t seem to work out though.

The only time you could feel at peace was when you were asleep. Surprisingly, you didn’t dream of him so you climbed up your bed in order to escape this mess.

Your sobs made Chishiya’s heart break. He never cared to consider someone else’s feelings but he cared about how you felt. Not only about how you felt for him but also how you felt in general.

You wouldn’t cry if you didn’t love him, right? As you can see, feelings are complicated to Chishiya too. He didn’t know how to handle them or tell them apart.

He had a hard time understanding you too, you weren’t the only one who was struggling. After you stopped crying, he decided to enter the room. You had fallen asleep on your bed and your eyes were swollen. He sighed as he covered you with a blanket.

He wasn’t going to give up on you. He will keep chasing you until you realise he is being sincere. Because to you, he wanted to be the most thoughtful, caring and loving person. You deserved more than a manipulator using you and he wasn’t going to be that to you anymore.

He’ll just have to try harder.

“Did you say goodbye?” Kuina asked him, leaning on the wall as he closed the door of your room.

“Actually, I decided to fight a little longer.” He had his usual smirk on but his eyes were different. They held hope, they were almost... bright. Kuina was more than excited to see Chishiya running after you, that’s not an everyday sight.

[...]

You woke up with the sunlight hitting your face. You didn’t remember leaving the curtains open though. “Does it bother you?” Chishiya stood in front of the window, blocking the sunlight from your view.

“It doesn’t bother me more than your face.” You turned around, your back facing him. Seeing him first thing in the morning wasn’t what you needed now, you needed to get away from him. Deep down, you were happy he didn’t give up on you and still came to see you.

You knew Chishiya, he would never go out of his way for someone. But here he was, in your room.

“Let’s go eat breakfast,” he rubbed your back, “As far as I am aware you haven’t eaten since yesterday.”

“You aren’t going to give up anytime soon, are you?” You asked, turning to face him. Trying to not seem affected by the physical contact.

“Nope,” he smirked at you. He stayed up all night and came early into your room, he wasn’t going to give up now.

“Fine. I hope food makes my day because your face just ruined it,” you got up, finally noticing the emptiness in your stomach.

“Keep telling yourself that, princess.” He chuckled at you, he lowkey liked your mean remarks but he preferred you being yourself with him. You weren’t cold and distant, this wasn’t you. It was just the act you put on when he was around.

“P-princess?” You exited your room, trying not to face him. He hadn’t used any pet names before, this was new. He really was trying hard.

Before Chishiya could tease you any farther, Niragi walked up to you. “I have something to discuss with the lady.”

“She’s with me now, come find her later.” Chishiya glared at him. No idiot would stop him from spending time with you, especially him.

“Look shorty, I don’t have time to waste with you.” He pointed his riffle at Chishiya and then rested it on his left shoulder.

“Then don’t and leave,” he held your hand and intertwined your fingers.

“Chishiya, you should go eat,” you grabbed the end of his sleeve with your other hand, squishing it. “I’ll talk with Niragi.” Although afraid of what Niragi would do, you wanted Chishiya to not get involved.

“But-”

“Yeah yeah, you’ll probably see her later.” Niragi dragged you away by your forearm. He made sure no one was around and pinned you on the wall. “So Y/N, tell me what were you doing near Hatter’s room yesterday?” He slammed his hand next to your head and placed on leg in between yours.

“Don’t you remember? You dragged me there.” You lied to him, not looking him in the eyes. You were so scared of him, he was unpredictable. He could rape you, kill you, hit you or let you go. “Oh honey I wasn’t that drunk, I remember finding you there.” He whispered in your ear. “So tell me before I kill you,” he pointed his riffle at your head.

“You plan on killing me anyway.”

“Actually that’s far from it,” He licked your neck, his cold piercing making contact with your skin made you sick to your stomach. He was about to kiss your lips but you pushed him away, making him stumble a few steps back.

“You fucking bitch!” He lifted his hand, forming it into a fist. You were ready to get hit so you closed your eyes. However, nothing happened. You opened your eyes to see Chishiya on the ground, blood running down his nose. “Chishiya!” you bended down next to him, examining his nose. He for sure got punched hard. He pinched his nose in order to make the blood stop.

“She was with me when you dragged her away yesterday,” Kuina appeared with her arms crossed. Chishiya brought her with him to help. He knew Niragi wanted to talk about what happened yesterday, he wasn’t going to leave you on your own.

“If you ever come near her again, I’ll be sure to burn you alive.” Chishiya stood up, glaring at Niragi. The blood from his nose was still flowing, staining his grey shirt.

“Oh I am so scared!” He mocked him and waved his hands in a defensive manner. He turn on his heel to walk away, “I’m not done with Y/N!”

“This brazen punk!” He yelled out frustrated. He’ll kill him one day, he made this promise to himself.

“Chishiya you’re bleeding,” you pointed out the obvious. You just didn’t know what to say, everything happened so fast. It was like you were still waiting for that punch from Niragi.

“No shit, Sherlock.” He was about to use his sleeve to wipe it off but then he decided not to. He wasn’t going to ruin his favourite white jacket because of Niragi. He wiped it with his grey shirt, which was already soaked with blood.

Kuina was silently giggling at the mess Chishiya was. She’d never imagined him bleeding and definitely not because of Niragi. “It isn’t funny, Kuina.” He glared at her as his nose stopped bleeding. She nodded her head, waving goodbye at you and taking her leave. She had to go laugh her ass off in some other place.

“Come on. Let’s get you to my room,” you wrapped an arm around him and started walking. “You know I can walk Y/N,” he chuckled at your thoughtfulness. It had been so long since you touched him, he truly missed you.

“Yeah, right!” you removed your hands from him. Too embarrassed to look at him, you walked a few steps ahead.

“Just a reminder, I didn’t say you should take your arms off.” He caught up to you, swaying an arm over your shoulder. You faced him, taking a better look at his face. “Kuina wasn’t wrong for laughing, you’re a mess!”

The dried blood under his nose and lips made you laugh. Blood and Chishiya just go well together. (#doctorjokes)

Chishiya scoffed, he just saved you and you had the audacity to make fun of him. Nevertheless, he was glad to see you laugh because of him again.

You sat him down on your bed, running to the bathroom. There wasn’t a first aid kit or wet wipes. Great, what a paradise the beach was. You grabbed a toilet paper roll and a bottle of water and went back to him. Going to find Ann for supplies didn’t seem like the ideal solution right now.

“Take off your shirt,” you poured a few drops of water on a piece of toilet paper, it was the best alternative for wet wipes you could think of. Chishiya wiggled his eyebrows, taking off his jacket and then his shirt. “It’s soaked in blood idiot!”

“I witnessed a raspberry juice watefall,” you giggled, trying not to look at his shirtless body. It would be rude and embarrassing to do so. You started wiping the blood under his nose, holding him still by his chin.

“You’re welcome for the sight then.” He chuckled, noticing how hard you tried not to look away from his face. Your hands were slightly trembling as you wiped his lips, careful enough to not tear apart the toilet paper.

“Thank you,” you smiled apologetically at him, “I didn’t think you were the type to get punched for someone.”

You finished cleaning him up and placed the alternative wet wipes on the table nearby. It took him some time to reply. He didn’t know how to depict what he felt when he saw Niragi ready to punch you, he wasn’t good with words yet. “I am not. I stepped in because it was you who was about to get hurt. I’d rather be hurt than see you hurt.”

Suddenly the question that was eating you away a few days ago came up to your mind. You felt like asking him again, it seemed like the answer would be genuine this time. “Do you really love me now?”

“Y/N,” he cupped your cheeks to make sure you were looking him in the eyes. His eyes were sparkling and shining. You couldn’t find that dullness in them anymore, “I love you.”

“You know what?” You smiled at him, your heart fluttering. He wasn’t pretending, you knew it. Maybe you needed to make an effort to understand him better too.

“What?” He smiled back at you. Not a smirk, not a sarcastic smile but a sweet and bright one. It was the first he smiled like that to you, you wanted to make him smile more often. He was even prettier with a genuine smile on his face. “I love you too.”

“I am glad to hear that again,” he pulled you into his lap, resting his head on the crook of your neck. These three words never meant anything to him until you gave them meaning. He wanted to hear them coming out of your mouth directed to him and only him.

“Can we sleep together?” he mumbled, trying not to yawn. He hadn’t slept for more than thirty hours and the comfort of your hug made him want to sleep in your arms.

“Chishiya-”

“Sleep Y/N, sleep.” He pulled away from your neck, giving you a small smile. He’ll fulfill your thought another time, all he wanted now was to actually sleep.

“Oh- sure.”

He held you so close to him, legs tangled together. He was almost asleep when your stomach growled, reminding you two that you forgot about breakfast.

“I think you should go eat,” he let go of you only to have you cling tighter to him. “After we wake up.”

You were back at where you started. Not being able to leave his side, searching for him every minute of your life. But this time, he felt the same.

#alice in borderland #aib #chishiya #chishiya shuntaro #chishiya alice in borderland #chishiya aib #chishiya angst #chishiya x reader #chishiya shuntaro x reader #imawa no kuni no alice #imawa no kuni no arisu

[teyvattherapist]

Greetings! (´∩｡• ᵕ •｡∩`) Hope your day has been going well! Was wondering if I could send in a request? From the tea prompts- (hope this is correct) Could you maybe serve Dainsleif, Kaeya, Zhongli and Diluc some Earl Grey, matcha, English breakfast and hibiscus tea? Thku and I'm so sorry if this is abit long Isksnx

a/n: Not long at all! Thanks for the request!

Link to the tea prompts :)

tags: gn!readerxDainsleif, Kaeya, Zhongli, and Diluc, Khaenri'ah spoilers, Zhongli spoilers, Kaeya spoilers, Diluc spoilers, angst if you squint, mostly fluff, children.

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hibiscus tea; what’s their favourite place to take their s/o?

Kaeya

Answered here<3

Dainsleif

Dainsleif has been so many places and seen so many things that he doesn't really have one specific location. Everywhere has some sort of meaning for somebody like him. As a result though, he would thoroughly enjoy his partner's favourite place and the meaning it holds to them. Dainsleif always goes back to it, even on his own, but definitely with his partner.

Zhongli

Too many places. Zhongli is a bit of a history buff, so anywhere in Liyue with rich history, which is all of Liyue, is an ideal date location to bring his s/o. From the blue of Luhua Pool to the flower fields in Qingce Village to just a walk around the Harbour. Zhongli is more attached to the stories of these locations than the locations themselves. Has an attachment to Guili Plains and picnicking there though...

Diluc

His favourite place is back home to the Winery. Man hates being seen. Besides that obvious one though, he does quite enjoy spending time with his partner at the large tree at Windrise. Thankfully at night its quite quiet and always lit up by fireflies. He'll even catch some in a jar for his s/o. It's quite funny to see him try to chase them around.

earl grey tea; how did they court their s/o?

Kaeya

Flirty as ever is the Cavalry Captain as he lays the charm on thick for his person of interest. Though the moment they flirt back, wow he is flustered. That's how one knows its more genuine. He'll gift them small trinkets, ask them to go drinking with him, or even go out of his way to bring them places if the tavern isn't for them. Ultimately, pretty normal courting methods.

Dainsleif

He pulls out some weird ass dated Khaenri'ahn courting customs that I could not begin to describe. Gives them flowers that definitely aren't any flowers they could recognize. Fan of the back of the hand kiss. He's very bashful when courting somebody, he hasn't done this in a long time, and do people still 'court' anymore? Dainsleif doesn't really know. He is doing his best, please take this 4th bouquet this week.

Zhongli

Also pulls out the dated courting customs but these ones are Liyuen and at least somewhat recognizable. Has a 5% chance of remembering his mora for once when taking them out. Very polite, always shows up with a gift of some kind(usually homemade or flowers he's picked himself) If they have parents he is going to befriend them.

Diluc

As a noble, he knows how to court, he knows very well how to court. He simply does not have the time and he simply cannot be assed. Will ask them to dinner, will present them with a gift, will tell them he'd like to pursue a relationship halfway through dinner. The End. There is no courtship there is only Diluc asking them out over some grape juice.

matcha tea; how and when do they propose to their s/o?

Kaeya

Thinks about this for a very long time. All that ancient plot stuff and whatnot. Buys the ring and looks at it every day for at least a month. He knows he loves them, more than anything, hell they have his loyalty, wherever they put it, he will too. Remember those dates at Starfell Lake? The late night picnics? Its on one of those, under the light of the Anemo statue, surrounded by crystalflies does he pop the question. He doesn't do the whole dropping to his knees thing, he's already incredibly flustered and nervous. Kaeya wrote a whole speech.. He forgot halfway through. Help. Kaeya.exe has stopped functioning, he's so in love.

Dainsleif

Thinks about it for even longer than Kaeya. Jfc, Dainsleif if your lover is mortal they're going to die before you make a decision. Forges the ring himself once he finally decides to do it. Its quite pretty, has an engraving as well. Dainsleif was going to propose traditionally, dinner, drinks, flowers, on his knee with a speech. Easy. But that seemed... Unworthy of his partner. So instead he arranges a cute little scavenger hunt. Something fun. It does end with dinner, drinks, flowers, and him on his knee. Dainsleif even ditched the usual 'fit for a rented suit. He cleans up quite nicely and wow his face is.. red. Composure? Gone. Take this ring, please.

Zhongli

Childe bought the ring. Zhongli is a God living as a Mortal. He is still immortal. He still has a long long life ahead of him. And once an appropriate amount of time has passed, he's ready to move to the next step. Marriage has more than likely been discussed between him and his partner before he proposes. He makes a whole day of it! Sleeping in, breakfast and tea in bed, some shopping in the afternoon, dinner at the Pavilion, and as dinner wraps up and they wait for dessert, Zhongli will slide off of his seat and onto his knee. His speech is perfect, the ring fits perfectly, and dessert comes out right after. Its perfect.

Diluc

Thinks about it forever 3 electric boogaloo. Again, given his status, there's just so much attention involved and he doesn't like the attention. He'd love to marry his partner, and again its probably been discussed beforehand. Eventually, with some prodding from one annoying lovely brother, he gets the ring and starts planning how he wants to do it. Yeah, good try Diluc. Unfortunately he left the box on his bedside table for his partner to find! Stumbled over his words as he tried to explain, face getting redder with every passing second. He tried! He really did. He'll take them out to dinner later<3

english breakfast tea; would they want a family?

Kaeya

Mmm.. He'll get back to them on that one. He needs a LOT of therapy first. Like.. In the same vein as his adoptive father, he attracts a lot of kids looking for a figure to look up to. But would he adopt them?? If he were more mentally sound maybe. He simply doesn't know and thus won't risk it. He can step up when needed though, really.

Dainsleif

No. That's it. Just no.

Zhongli

Kind of conflicted about it, depending on his partner, there's just a lot of ways this can go with his whole divinity thing. Definitely lots of conversations about it. Consults his partner's opinion the most out of everyone here.

Diluc

Mm... He'll get back to them on that one 2 electric boogaloo. Realistically he's got a legacy to pass on, but does he care about it? No. Also daddy issues, he doesn't want to be like his dad and abandon his kid when they need him. So he's very conflicted. Eventually though, he would like a kid or two. It just takes a while to get there.

↳tags; @fadinganchornight

#Kaeya x reader #Zhongli x reader #Dainsleif x reader #Diluc x reader #Diluc #Kaeya #Zhongli #Dainsleif #Lane Writes #asks #anonymous #Tea prompts #Genshin impact #Genshin impact x reader

[someonestolemyshoes]

Hi! Have u done any pregnant Hanji and overprotective daddy Levi already?? Yep i think im craving for more domestic levihan family, im sorry 😭

Im a bit new here in the community, and when i read ur works, i fell in love with it already, thank you for existing!!! 💖💖💖

Hello anon! Thank you so much, I’m so glad you enjoyed my other fics :3 Sorry for the very long wait for this one, I've been struggling to find the time/motivation to write lately, but I'm feeling a little better and I figured I'd get to work on some of my prompts. Starting here!!

It ended up a little less domestic and a touch more angsty than I had originally planned, but only for a moment--happy endings all round! 

Warning: this does start off with non-graphic depictions of nausea/vomiting, I hope that doesn't bother you!

Hange had been feeling unwell for days.

It wasn't an uncommon occurrence—Hange tended to wake up feeling nauseous some days, most often when she'd neglected to eat a decent meal the evening before—but this was the fourth morning in a row now, that Hange found herself bent over the toilet bowl in the early hours of the morning, heaving up nothing but acid and empty air. 

She retched until her stomach ached. There was nothing left to bring up, but her gut still rolled unpleasantly and there was a telling tremor under her tongue that warned her it might be best to stay in the bathroom a little while longer. She settled heavily against the wall to catch her breath.

It didn't make any sense. For most of the day, Hange felt fine. A little tired, maybe, but that was only to be expected after spending half the night every night on the bathroom floor. Tonight, no doubt, would follow the uncomfortably familiar routine: Hange would dry-heave a little longer, until the queasiness abated enough for Levi to convince her to come back to bed, and then she would toss and turn, too warm beneath the bed clothes, until she could fall into a restless sleep. She'd wake up feeling a little groggy, a little bleary, unreasonably hungry, but after a coffee and some breakfast she would feel well again. Perfectly normal.

Like clockwork, Levi appeared in the doorway just as Hange had flopped herself back over the toilet. She felt his palm, cool and soft, press against the back of her neck. Hange gathered her hair back from her face with both hands, braced her elbows on the toilet bowl, letting out a groan of discomfort as her stomach twisted, threatened to revolt again. Levi's thumb rubbed soothingly against her neck.

Sure enough, she brought up nothing more, but she gagged plenty, and found herself gasping for breath by the time she leaned back against Levi, aching and exhausted. His lips pressed into her damp hair.

Levi was as silent as always. His touch was pleasant, his presence welcome. Hange needed the hand he offered to pull her to her feet, needed his reassuring grip at her hips as she brushed her teeth and rinsed her mouth out. Her quaking knees felt unstable beneath her. 

He lay facing her after they got into bed. Hange was sprawled out atop the covers, shifting restlessly to find the coolest patches on the bed. Levi watched her for a moment, then said, "This isn't normal."

Hange only grumbled.

"You said you'd book an appointment with the doctor."

Hange grumbled again. Levi ticked his tongue and rolled to lie on his back, staring at the ceiling.

"Call tomorrow."

"If I didn't know better," Hange said sluggishly, "I'd say you were worried about me."

He scowled and rolled onto his other side, his back to her now.

"No, just sick of waking up at half four every morning to drag you back to bed."

Hange managed a small, wicked snicker, but shuffled across the space between them and pressed an apologetic kiss to the back of his neck.

"Must be dreadful," she said. Her voice sounded raw, hoarse. She buried her nose into his hair and took a long, deep breath. Levi grunted, but reached back and pulled her arm loosely over his hip. He knotted their fingers together loosely.

"Call them, Hange."

Hange gave his fingers a gentle, reassuring squeeze.

"I will."

**

Hange prided herself on being a reasonably intelligent person. She had two degrees, was working towards her doctorate, and already had her name on a small handful of peer-reviewed research papers. She spoke multiple languages, read dissertations for fun, kept a (in Levi’s words) disgustingly realistic human skeleton in a box under the bed for study purposes, and had spent the better part of the last 26 years of her life studying human biology and physiology.  

How she had not predicted that she might be pregnant was almost unfathomable. 

She left the doctors office in a daze with an appointment card and several pamphlets in hand. She had been referred hastily to a midwife and the hospital would soon be sending out a date for an ultrasound—“As soon as possible,” the doctor had said, “since you’re not sure how far along you are.” 

The thing is, Hange had been on the same birth control pill for years now. Forgetful as she may be about many, many things (like eating, and bathing, and washing the dishes and taking out the garbage and and and), Hange was religious in taking that damn pill at the same time every single day. She had never missed it, not even once. Without a regular cycle, Hange had no way of predicting when they had conceived, and the doctor was eager to make sure no essential landmarks in her antenatal care were missed, if they could possibly help it.

The thought had never even crossed her mind. It seemed ridiculous now, in hindsight. The sickness was one thing, but now that she thought about it, there were a whole host of small oddities that Hange could easily attribute to pregnancy. Lethargy, and bloating, heartburn, and she had been peeing more than usual—Hange groaned, and scrubbed her hands over her face. She should have suspected, at least. Should have put the pieces together sooner. 

But, stupid and naive as it may be, she hadn’t thought it possible. Why worry about it, when Hange had taken consistent precautions to avoid it? 

She felt queasy the entire bus ride home. 

It wasn’t that she was against the idea of having children. One day, maybe. When she had finished her doctorate, got herself a steady, well-paid job. When she and Levi had moved out of their tiny, cramped apartment into somewhere bigger, somewhere more suited for a family. 

And god. Levi. 

This was something they’d never really talked about. For his part, Levi never seemed all that interested. He was good with Hange’s nieces and nephews, and Erwin’s son adored him, and he hadn’t showed any express dislike for children, but—well, tolerating other peoples little brats and raising your own are two very different things. 

What if Levi didn’t want the baby? What if he did? Hange wasn’t even sure herself what she wanted to do about the whole situation—what if she didn’t want it? What if, after some reflection, Hange decided now wasn’t a good time? Could they even afford a baby right now? Hange’s money was tied up in her education, while Levi was just making ends meet at the office. They got by well enough with just the two of them, but add in a baby? A whole other person, entirely dependant on them for support? Hange could barely feed and bathe herself, some days, never mind responsibly care for a child. 

By the time the bus pulled up near the house, Hange felt more distressed than ever. Levi, at least, was at work until the evening, so she had a few more hours to herself to mull everything over, but the entire situation made her stomach clench and churn unpleasantly with every new thought. 

The prospect of having a child was terrifying. The prospect of not having this child was nauseating. 

Levi had left the flat in pristine condition when he had left for work, but Hange barely had the energy to feel even a little guilty as she shrugged off her coat and kicked off her shoes, leaving both strewn about the floor. She dumped her bag and made her way sluggishly through to the bedroom. 

Levi had made the bed. The sheet was stretched flat over the mattress, the pillows perfectly fluffed and set against the headboard. Hange’s nightshirt, one of Levi’s old, baggy shirts, too stretched and threadbare for him to wear, had been folded neatly and left on her side of the bed, her slippers lined up smartly with the bed frame. For some reason—hormones, she told herself—her eyes watered, and a lump swelled in her throat. She sniffled pitifully as she stripped off her clothes and pulled on the shirt, clambering into the bed and tugging the sheets until the cocooned around her. 

Hange passed the rest of the day tossing and turning in bed. She tried to nap, but her mind was too restless, occupied with thoughts of the baby, with the concept of having to tell Levi when he came home. She could try to lie, say the doctors had done some blood work, that she was waiting on the results of some test or other, but Levi knew her too well. She could never lie to him, and her despondent state would give her away before she had the chance to say anything. 

The sun was beginning to set by the time she heard Levi’s keys in the door. She felt exhausted, head aching with all the thinking, considering, weighing up her options; with running over every possible outcome she could imagine. Keeping the baby, getting rid of the baby, Levi not wanting the baby, Levi leaving over the baby—every scenario she could imagine was worse than the last. There was only one idea that she had hardly dared entertain, in fear of disappointment if things didn’t work out. 

She heard Levi call out for her, but gave no answer. She listened, curled up in a ball on her side, as he shuffled around, no doubt picking up her coat and shoes from where she had abandoned them. And then he made his way towards the bedroom, steps soft on the plush carpet. The bedroom door creaked open. 

“Hange?” 

She made a small, warbled noise under the bedclothes. Levi came to sit on the bed, the mattress dipping beneath his weight. His hand found the curve of Hange’s hip. 

“How was it?” 

Hange made another noncommittal sound. She wiped her nose and eyes on the sheets, but didn’t dare show her face just yet. She wasn’t ready. She had never prepared for this conversation, never even imagined it before today. It was too soon. Not enough time to rehearse. 

Levi’s hand moved to her back, rubbing lightly up and down her spine, before dropping to the mattress behind her. He leaned over her, and she felt his lips press warm and gentle to the point of her shoulder. A fresh wave of tears poured over the bridge of her nose and down the side of her face. 

She tried to be quiet, but something—the shake of her shoulder, perhaps, or the shudder of air as she tried to take a steadying breath in—gave way to her crying. Levi moved off the bed, but Hange felt his fingers prying lightly at the sheets, pulling them down until he could get a good look at her face. He was kneeling by the bed now, face level with her, and he looked at her with worry pinching deep creases between his brows. 

“Oi, what’d they say?” 

Hange bit the inside of her lip and rubbed her damp cheek on the pillow. If Levi was bothered by her using their bedding as a tissue, he didn’t show it. He simply looked at her, eyes darting over her face, searching. It occurred to Hange then how this must look to him. She had gone to the doctors due to unexplained, violent sickness, and now she is in bed, hours later, still crying about whatever news she had received. 

“I’m fine,” she said. Levi’s tense shoulders relaxed a fraction, but his face remained pinched, frowning and concerned. Hange wanted to tell him quickly, simply, like ripping off a plaster, but the words would not come. She opened her mouth, but her throat constricted painfully. 

Eventually, she said, “my bag. There’s some stuff in my bag. Have a look.” 

Levi gave her a somewhat quizzical look, but stood, dropping a quick kiss to her temple before going to fetch the bag, and dipping his hand in to fish out the contents inside. 

Hange watched with her breath held and her stomach clenched as Levi pulled out the handful of leaflets and turned them over, looking at each one in turn. His eyes widened fractionally as comprehension dawned on him. His lips pressed into a thin line. Leaden weight settled in Hange’s gut. She curled into a tighter ball, pressing the bedsheets over her mouth and nose, waiting for him to gather himself enough to say something. 

After a moment, he spoke. 

“That’s all?” 

Huh? “Huh?!” 

Hange disentangled her arms from the sheets and sat up, staring at him. Levi moved to sit on the edge of the bed again, a scowl back on his face, though there was an intriguing flush high on his cheeks as he whacked her lightly on the top of the head with the leaflets. 

“Stupid four-eyes,” he said, exasperated. “Crying like that. I thought you were dying.”  

“I’m pregnant.” Hange said the word slowly, carefully, in case Levi had somehow misunderstood. He had the audacity to look at her like she was stupid.

“I can see that.” 

“And you have nothing more to say about it? That’s all?” 

Levi shrugged a little at her. Aside from the small patches of colour in his cheeks, Levi seemed wholly unfazed by the revelation. 

“It’s just a baby. We can handle a baby.” 

“That doesn’t terrify you?” 

Levi scrutinised her for a moment, before he said, “are you scared?” 

“Yes? Yes! How are you so calm? We can’t afford a baby—we don’t have the time for a baby? Where will they going to sleep? We don’t have a spare room. Can we get time off work to take care of a baby? How will we pay for childcare when we can’t be around?” 

“Hange,” Levi said, putting a stop to her rambling. He watched her with a pinched stare. “Do you not want it?” 

Hange had spent the majority of the day mulling over this same question. Staring a family was a huge, life-changing commitment, something that required  careful forethought and planning. They had not had that luxury. Hange was pregnant now. She had doubts and fears, more than she could ever express, but the idea of simply having a baby—of having this baby—wasn’t upsetting. In the small, brief moments she had allowed herself to imagine a future where she and Levi were parents, where they weren’t wanting for money or time, where things were well, she felt happy. Giddy. The prospect was almost exciting. 

“It’s not that,” Hange said earnestly. “I do—I’ve been thinking about it all day, and I—I do want it. But I just—we had no time to prepare. We have no savings, we have no space, I’m a mess. How are we supposed to take care of a tiny person? Babies are hard work, Levi.”

“You’re already hard work.” 

Hange laughed weakly, and wiped at her face again. Levi pressed a kiss to her raw cheek. 

“We’ll figure it out,” he said.

Hange leaned into him, sighing quietly. 

“Is this the kind of thing we can just figure out?” 

Levi hummed, shrugging his shoulder. His fingers skimmed up beneath Hange’s shirt, splaying over the small of her back and pulling her closer. 

“Why not? We’ve done a good job bullshitting our way through everything else.”  

Hange laughed lightly and bumped the side of her head against Levi’s.  

“This is different, Levi. This is a person. A tiny little person who is going to need me and you to do everything for them. What if we can’t do it? What if we mess up?” 

“Hange.” Levi pulled back a little and his hands came up to grip either side of her face, forcing her to look at him. “Stop. I know all that. But if you want the brat, and I want the brat, we’ve got no choice but to get on with it.” 

“I know, I know, but—wait, you want the baby?” 

Levi maintained eye contact with her, but it seemed to take a concentrated effort to do so. The flush of his cheeks deepened a little and his lips quirked at the corners. No doubt to compensate for the show of emotion, he pulled his face into his customary frown. 

“It’s fine,” he said. Hange fought the urge to roll her eyes and caught his hands as he lowered them from her face, pulling them into her lap. 

“Are you saying that because it’s already too late, or do you want to keep it?” 

Levi’s face took on a look of constipated strain. He curled his lip as though in distaste, then hooked a hand around the back of Hange’s neck and pulled her face to his abruptly, smacking a kiss to her lips. He let his forehead settle against hers and stroked his thumb over the hinge of her jaw. 

He fought to keep his tone neutral, but Hange could hear the happy tremor in his voice as he said again, “It’s fine.”

For the first time since hearing the news that day, Hange allowed herself to feel excited. To accept the idea that she and Levi were about to start their own bizarre little family. That Levi was still with her felt incredible enough, but to know that he was pleased—it was more than she could ever have hoped for. Hange gave a wet laugh and kissed him again. 

“Are you allergic to looking happy?” Hange asked as they broke apart. Levi clicked his tongue and pulled back to flick her square between the eyebrows. She laughed a little louder and leaned to wipe her runny nose on his shoulder. Levi muttered under his breath, but didn’t push her away.  

“Okay,” Hange said, after a moment. She sat back and pushed her hair back from her face. “Okay. We’re having a baby, then.” 

Levi’s rubbed the smile from his lips with the back of his hand, nodding. “We’re having a baby.” 

Hange sunk down to flop back over the pillows. Levi looked down at her, head tilted, chewing the inside of his lip. Hange reached up to brush his fringe off his forehead, warmth spilling in her chest when he held her hand close and turned to kiss her palm. 

She smiled a little playfully, and freed a leg from the sheets to dig her toes into his ribs. 

“If I’d known you wanted kids I would have been significantly less stressed, you know.” 

Levi quirked a brow at her. 

“I’ve told you that before.” 

“No, you haven’t.” 

“I have. At your sisters wedding.” 

Hange racked her brain, searching for the conversation. She remembered the occasion, and she remembered that she and Levi had somehow ended up babysitting Hange’s family brood. She remembered Levi, wrestling to keep her youngest nephew on his lap while the eldest, still only five or six at the time, was clambering up the back of his chair, sticky hands tugging at Levi’s collar. Hange fought hard to recall more of what was said, but could remember nothing at all of Levi announcing that he had wanted one of his own. 

“You said these brats aren’t so bad,” Hange said slowly. 

Levi nodded at her. Hange waited for him to elaborate, but he didn’t, only looked at her like there was nothing more he needed to say. 

“That’s it? That’s your idea of telling me you want kids?” 

“The hell else could I have meant?” 

Hange dug her toe at him again but Levi caught her foot this time, pushing it firmly down onto the mattress. Hange reached for him with both arms instead, curling them around the back of his neck and tugging him down quickly. He toppled over her with a quiet oof, and Hange rolled them quickly, straddling his waist and dropping her weight down onto him. 

“That is the kind of thing you say clearly, Levi! These brats aren’t so bad—you’re ridiculous!” 

Levi wrestled with her arms a little longer before giving up and bringing his hands instead to rest low on her hips. He watched her with a curious expression on his face, something open and soft, and then his eyes roved down to her abdomen and his thumbs brushed inwards, beneath the hem of her shirt, stroking over her lower belly. 

This time, he didn’t fight his smile. 

He reached up and pulled her down by the neck, and kissed her soundly. Hange melted against him, welcomed the press of his tongue between her lips, shuddered pleasantly when he nipped at her bottom lip. She went with him willingly as he rolled them both over, nudging a knee between her legs and settling his weight against her. 

She was spreading her legs to make space for him, when he paused suddenly, and pulled back, leaning over the bed and scooping through the discarded back of leaflets. Hange, winded and dishevelled, watched him incredulously as he flicked through the contents of one, then tossed it aside and opened another. 

“What are you doing?” 

Without looking up, Levi replied, “Checking.” 

“Checking what?” 

“I wanna know if we can still—” he waved a hand between them, and went back to searching. 

“We’ve been—” Hange mimicked his gesture, “—up until now anyway.” 

Levi looked up at her, looking mildly horrified. He held up one his open leaflet and said, “You’ve been drinking alcohol, too. You’re not supposed to do that. And look, here—you’re not supposed to overwork. You’ll have to take on less hours at the university. And you’ll eat. Proper damn meals. Every day.” 

Hange flopped back against the pillows, eyes rolling, watching as Levi picked up each new leaflet in turn, pointing out every little adjustment that Hange would have to make. 

“This one says you should get eight to ten hours sleep per night. Every night. And not so much coffee, the caffeine’s bad for the baby.” 

The baby. It sounded surreal. It sounded ridiculous. Levi shifted to sit against the headboard beside her after opening the chunky little What to Expect While Expecting volume Hange had been handed while leaving the doctors. He seemed thoroughly engrossed, and seemingly unaware when one of his hands reached out to pull Hange’s hair free of its ponytail and sink into her hair. She hummed happily as his nails scraped over her scalp. 

Things were still scary, and Hange was still uncertain about how this whole adventure might turn out. But Levi was still with her, and Levi was happy, and that—

—Well, that was good enough. 

#levihan #ask #my writing #this was fun!! thank you :D #hoping I can get around to the other prompts soon too!!

[maievdenoir]

Secret Santa fic!

This story is Christmas Secret Santa gift for Autumn at @autumnleaves1991-blog . Thanks @ohnopoe who organized this whole thing.

Merry Christmas my dear Autumn. Your stories give me hours of entertainment during last year and I love them so much. I was honoured to be your Secret Santa. Hope you like this story. I fall in love with this story and I´m sure that I´m gonna write another part.

Frankie Morales x F!Reader

Word Count: 2k

‼️Warnings: mentions of drug use, addiction, rehab, self-deprecating thoughts, suicidal thoughts, mention of death, mention of alcohol (hope it’s all)‼️

You were volunteering in this rehab about two years now. It looked pleasant in CV and it gave you a feeling that you doing something that is not a complete waste of time. It essentially improves your creativity, listening to those life stories. Your writing slowly becoming more realistic.

Some people attend these local meetings regularly for couple months, some of them even years. But every now and then there is somebody new. Somebody who arrived once or twice and then jump it addiction again. It's depressing, but you can see on those who willingly stay that program really helps.

You really wish this program would help him. You do not recall his name but he hops in and out regularly even longer than you are there. He always comes with his supporting friend who tried to flirt with you once, but you politely tell him to stop. Sometimes you dearly wish to know his name. He was handsome, but he was not the guaranteed hottie. His ball cap was always on, and his head has been always tilted down so nobody can properly see his face. He looks like he has no motivation to get better but his friend care of him so he is trying to repeatedly get him back. Sometimes it takes weeks, sometimes months.

Christmas time is magical. It looked like a miracle when he shoved up third week in a row. This week the session was modest Christmas party and the guy showed up without his friend. He wasn’t talkative, just sit there and drinks non-alcoholic punch and you was a little bit proud of him that he showed up.

When one of the sponsors starts talking you sit next to him and start listening. After couple of minutes you looked at him. He was studying an empty paper cup.

“Find something interesting in there?” You asked him.

“Huh?” He looked up at you.

“Just that maybe it helps if you listen to him a little.” You don’t want to sound like you forcibly trying lecturing him or something but you kind of thought it will help if he talked with somebody here. To give him the feeling of support of the group and the centre.

“You think?”

“I know it’s hard, but look at you. Third week in a row? You never kept it that long before!” You tried to sound cheerful, but he probably just thinks you pity him.

“That I was not here does not necessarily mean I was not clean. Besides, how do you know? Are you keep tracking me or something? Following me around?” He was rude, and you wanted to hit his stupidly handsome face so much.

“Well ok, this was not a good idea. I'm sorry, I tried to cheer you up a little but you are not interested. I understand. Can we just pretend that I didn’t say anything?” His facial expression changed. He probably realised that his prejudice was stronger than his rational side and that you indeed have good intentions.

“No, I'm sorry. People here just tiptoeing around me all the time because I relapsed so many times. It’s shame and I know it…” He was ashamed of his reaction to you. He nearly forgets how to talk to people. He avoids them all the time, rarely have conversation besides boys.

“It´s no shame, it happens. You need to find something to keep fighting for. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, because it’s not. But life worth it!” You were so optimistic. You shine with positive energy, and he felt like a cactus next to the sunflower.

“Oh yeah? And what concrete is worth it? The shitty job? Abandoned apartment? Friends, that go out with you on Friday night just because they feel sorry for you?” He felt empty. You do not know him. He felt like a burden to everybody. Especially his kid. That poor little girl used to be better without him. He loves her more than his life. That’s why he let his ex-wife and little Josie live their life. They don’t deserve to worry about his busted ass.

“Sunrise worth it! Morning breeze worth it! Life is worth it! Love worth it! Stargazing is worth it! Ah and cold beer on the beach definitely worth it!” He smiled on that last one. “That is the start of the list of things you will not be able to ever experience if you overdose and die.”

He can try to scare you away, but you are stubborn as a mule. “I´m still struggling with motivation. I don’t want to be my friends’ burden.” He admitted. He didn’t know why he was telling you this but you – to a stranger – a girl he has been ogling every time he decides to give life another go.

“I´m sure you are not a burden; they love you. Especially that flirty guy you came here with!”

“Santiago? Oh, for the last three years I’m occupying his spare room and he needed to take care of my nearly overdose ass too many times. Maybe it will be better if I died. It will be easier for everybody.”

“You would be missed!” You unconsciously grab his calloused hand. His heart skips a beat; he nearly forgets he owns one. Last couple of years his life depends only on getting money on coke or at least cigarettes and beer Santiago sponsored him and giving him a job in his mechanic store.

“Who would miss me? You, kind stranger?”

“I always waited for you to come back” This one sentence gives him a better feeling than his beloved coke in a long time. He thought, that for a second world become brighter.

“Aren’t you caring for a stranger too much?” He leans back in his chair and worry look, hoping he didn’t really scare you away.

“It’s that really a bad thing?” Your smile was so hopeful, he even wishes that in another life you two would meet under lucky star of better circumstances in a coffee shop. He would not be a junkie and you would like to go on date with him. But that’s not happening. He would never be enough for somebody like you. Not with all his baggage – struggling even with basic life.

“Spare your heart for somebody who is worth it saving.”

“Oh, you are worth saving. Believe me...” You waited for his name.

“Francisco… Frankie – My name is Frankie” He introduced himself.

“Nice to finally meet you Frankie!” you rolled his name on your tongue and realised how good it feels finally, after all that time, know his name.

“Is it?” He asked with a small modest smile on his face.

“For me is.”

“You are so nice; do you know that? Too nice to some ex-military coke addict who only deserves slap his stupid face.” Maybe he wanted to give a life one last try. At least he wants to give these sessions another try.

“That might be true, but Kindness is punk.”

The beep signalised there is the end of the meeting. You both just stand up. He looks at you and you smiled at him. “Are you coming next week?”

“I hope…” He answered.

#ohnopoess21 #secret santa fic #frankie morales #frankie morales x f!reader #frankie morales x reader

[melliflovs]

Beautiful Mess - Gojo x Reader

Word Count: 1,675

Warnings: Angst, longing, kinda sad

Summary: Reader comes to terms with her feelings after being faced with her emotions once she sees Gojo again for their monthly battle, even if it gets interrupted.

A/N: I didn't check this for errors cause my computers about to die but I wanted to post this for you guys!

Requests open!

In truth he found you incredible, but would he ever admit it? No. Of course not.

It was moments like this, the stars shining down on you and the wind blowing through your hair that made Gojo pause. He wished things could be different.

You could've been teaching alongside him, or anything else from the life you chose. He frowned to himself. Were you really happy?

At least twenty curses surrounded you. The dark purple aura slowly beginning to cover you from his view as you laughed in the distance. He just wanted a moment more to watch you before the inevitable battle before the two of you.

You knew he was there, close enough to see but too far away to touch. For now, you'd continue on as you were, playfully petting a curse on its head. It resembled a dog and chose to stay by your side, granted it looked and smelled horrendous but you'd take what you could get. They milled about you, waiting for their commands. They were all grade 3 curses, childs play for people like Gojo - people like you. But they weren't supposed to be strong, they were just to garner attention.

After the purple fog fully enveloped you Gojo knew it was time. You stood high on the tallest skyscraper, the clouds within reach.

You always thought Gojo was incredible. Irresistible looks, unbeatable strength, and a massive ego. Time spent with him was cherished, even if it meant small tricks and claims to get his attention but he never failed to deliver.

You heard his footsteps approach slowly, with your back turned the curses began to howl. A small smile tugged on the edges of your lips but you held it back. Slowly you turned to face him.

"Come with me." He said, Gojo had his hands in his pocket with a blindfold covering his eyes. You wondered if you'd ever be able to see them again.

"Traded out the glasses, huh?" You teased, "Do the students find it more intimidating." Sparks lit up your eyes as power began to surge through you.

Gojo smirked and flexed his muscles at you "I was always intimidating, just thought the blindfold added more flare."

He wished they'd stop sending him, the elders always too quick to call upon him once they knew you were involved. They started questioning why the job was never 'finished' they wanted you dead. You were the villain in this story, the creator of curses and sorrow. But how could someone so beautiful be so destructive? It didn't make sense to him.

The first time you'd met Gojo you were both 16. He was a student at the time, sent to a school to take down a low-level curse. It was a teaching method of his Sensei's to send his students alone on smaller tasks - one he ultimately ended up using himself. Instead, he found you surrounded in a purple haze curled into a ball.

You were so small at the time, anxious and afraid with tears streaming down your face. Gojo could feel the power inside you, radiating from your fragile body. It brought him to his knees in front of you. It was the first time you'd ever seen his eyes, hair hanging out in front of his face. He reached out to you, mesmerized by you.

He'd never encountered power like his before, different from his yet so similar in strength. Gojo was so distracted by you that he ignored the scattered limbs of what used to be your fellow classmates.

When he looked at you he was amazed, every single time. But you'd grown now, no longer the scared little girl who didn't know who or what you were. But you knew now. Years of hating yourself for what you were born as, what you'd accidentally do to people. Eventually, you embraced it.

In the years that you'd been actively on Gojo's radar, no one had narrowed down what you were. They knew you were human, a child abandoned and forced into foster care. From what he could tell your emotions were so strong that the smallest offense could make the curses in the surrounding 10 miles stronger and multiply them. You were no longer a grade 3 curse. You were special grade, a girl with explosive feelings that were considered to be on the same level as Sukuna.

You still didn't compare to Gojo though.

"Come with me, (y/n)" He repeated, his eyes desperate under the blindfold. He wondered if she could tell how much he wished she would listen to him.

She shook her head lightly, lowering her head to the ground. "You know I can't do that Satoru."

He nodded in response, he knew she was right. They'd execute her if she followed him back to the school. In a way (y/n) reminded him as Yuji, the elders were cowards whatever they couldn't understand they eliminated. Eventually, they'd meet the same unfortunate fate. Gojo wouldn't be able to protect either of them.

Gojo was shaken out of his thoughts by the sound of a single snap. Looking up he watched as all the curses surrounding her dive off the skyscraper and into the city set loose to wreak havoc. The dog-shaped curse stayed, wagging its crooked tailback and forth.

"Good," He teased, "Was starting to get a bit crowded up here."

The purple haze had almost completely disappeared from the rooftop once the curses left. You took a deep breath, "I'm not ready yet, Gojo. Ten minutes."

He jokingly checked his bare wrist as if looking at a watch "Fine" He pouted "But I'm counting."

You gave him a weak smile, walking over to the edge of the roof and sitting down, letting your legs hang over the edge. You'd be lying if you said looking down didn't make you feel sick, you were at least 100 stories above ground. But the lights were so pretty, the glow of all of them lit up the night, reflecting in your eyes. You felt his presence approach you, standing behind you as you sat.

"Why does it have to be this way?" You whispered, it was so quiet he might not have been able to hear you. It would've probably been for the best if he hadn't.

Hesitantly he placed his hand on your head, giving your hair a soft pat. He made you feel so little, so small in comparison. Just like the day you met. "Because life is unfair to powerful people."

You hummed at his response, "I wish things were different." You tilted your head up, looking at him through your lashes, hair falling in your face. "I wish we weren't such a mess."

"At least we're a beautiful mess." He said grinning down at you.

"I miss your eyes Gojo, why cover them like that all the time?" You asked, still staring at the dark blindfold. You could only imagine what shade of blue hid behind it.

"Decided not everyone should have the privilege to see these sparklers." The smile on his face grew as he said this, quirking his head to the side.

"Can I see them?" The more time you spent in his presence the calmer you felt. Gradually you felt the weight of your powers lift off your shoulder. A calm smile never had any trouble settling on your face whenever you were around him. It was hard to admit, even to yourself, but looking at his shining smile for the first time in months made you realize you'd missed him. "Please Gojo."

His grin faded into a soft smile. Nodding his head, Gojo reached up and began to untie the knot holding the blindfold.

"I think it's been ten minutes, Satoru. What do you think?" The voice made the two of you jump, Gojo's hands dropping away from the halfway untied covering. "Maybe you just got distracted with" He waved his hand around distastefully "This."

"Leave. Now." Gojo whispered, just low enough that the new man wouldn't be able to hear him. He seemed afraid, not of the man but of what would happen if any of his higher-ups found out about the two of you - whatever you were, even if you didn't know yourselves.

He stalked over the man, who was dressed impeccably in a white button-down. He held a wooden paddle tightly in his hand and pushed up his glasses as Gojo walked up to him.

"Look, Nanami, it's not what you think." He said holding up his hands defensively. Realistically he didn't know if his colleague would even believe any lie he could up of in time. Gojo tried to straighten himself out. Putting on his signature smirk, "You know how I get around the ladies. They just can't help themselves."

Nanami let out a sigh, looking at his friend with pity. "The way she looks at you... it's like she'd be willing to take a bullet for you." It wasn't normal the way you looked at Gojo. Like he was the sun and you were a flower stuck in the shade. "And I'm sure under that ridiculous blindfold you were looking at her like that too."

Gojo stayed quiet, the fake smirk dropping from his face. The silence hovered for a moment, making his chest fill with dread as Nanami thought it over in his head.

Suddenly he turned, beginning to walk towards the exit. "Come on, let's go."

"Are you going to tell anyone?" Gojo asked as he followed his coworker. He wrung his hands nervously together.

"No."

He let out a sigh of relief. A small smile began to tug at his lips, he was grateful to the blonde, not many people he knew would risk helping him like this. Subtly he looked over his shoulder.

Thankfully you were already gone, thankfully you were safe. At least for the time being. As he stepped towards the stairwell to make his way down the skyscraper, Gojo realized one thing:

You never got to see his eyes.

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk headcanons #jujutsu kaisen gojo #gojo imagine #gojou satoru x reader #gojo x reader #jujutsu kaisen imagine #jjk imagines #jjk #jjk nanami #nanase nishino

[tenthgrove]

Omg imagine la squadra with a teenage teammate 👀 (platonic obvs but I'm 18 and I wonder how they'd act with a team member that's a lot younger than them) cause I hc them as being in their late 20s early 30s ‼️

Okay I love love love this idea! I decided to go for the approach of a younger teenager, someone around 14 or 15 years old, and make them someone who is keen to prove themselves and be respected, but still has all the fears that would be natural for someone in this situation so young, hidden beneath the front they put on.

La Squadra Interacting with a Younger Teammate

Formaggio- The prospect of La Squadra’s next recruit being a kid is actually quite appealing to Formaggio. He doesn’t get much respect from the rest of the team, but he hopes a teenager would be more impressionable, more easy to wow. As soon as the newcomer is through the door Formaggio is already pulling out his cool uncle act. He’s always begging to show them something cool (usually just some random thing he shrunk) or tell them a gruesome story from the job. He totally forgets how naturally weary they’re going to be as someone who recently moved teams. When he finally realises how uncomfortable he makes them, he feels very guiltridden and backs away. But then one day, by pure accident, he makes them laugh. Genuinely. Things ease up a lot after that.

Illuso- Since he isn’t particularly good with kids, Illuso thinks it’s best to just treat them the same as he does any other teammate. This doesn’t go well, their interactions clunky and awkward as the newcomer is unsure how to respond. Eventually, Illuso realises too and decides he’s going to have to change tactic. What do teenagers like? Mischief? While the idea of taking the kid around the mirror world to wreck havoc on the base is tempting, it would not go down well with Risotto once he finds out. What else is there? Gossip? Yes, that could work. When Illuso finds himself alone with the kid with nothing else to talk about, he starts telling them all the dirty secrets he’s collected about his team over the years. There’s nothing age innappropriate, but it’s enough to break down the image the kid has of La Squadra as humorless, intimidating adults. The others soon notice a change in the kid’s behaviour and congratulate Illuso for helping them settle in, however it was he managed to do that. Well, that certainly wasn’t Illuso’s intention, but he’ll take the applause anyway.

Pesci- The arrival of the newcomer marks a big change for Pesci. He’s no longer the youngest of the group, both in age and in experience. While he’s glad to lose the associated teasing, it fills him with a sense of responsibility he isn’t quite ready for. Being the youngest in the group gave him a slight feeling of immunity for all his fuck-ups, both real and percieved, and that’s gone now. Worse, he sees this kid and he sees someone far newer to the game than he is yet somehow still able to face it with more courage than he does. The kid scares him, really. It feels like he is the junior member of the dynamic they have together. Then one day he finds their phone in the front room. He knows the others have a habit of pinching things like this for mean-spirited jokes, so he puts his anxiety regarding the kid on hold to go up to their room and give it back to them. He didn’t expect to find them crying there. He rushes up to them immediately, patting them on the shoulder nervously to offer some comfort. He asks them what’s wrong. “Everything. I’m scared.” At the end of the day, they really are just a child.

Prosciutto- The second-in-command doesn’t have time to mentor the newcomer to the same extent he does with Pesci, but he’ll still keep an eye on them whenever he can. Any of those violent idiots could teach them to kill, but Prosciutto’s going to make sure they learn to carry themselves right as well. For one, they need to get rid of those grungy hoodies and jeans they insist on wearing. He supposes he’ll just have to take them shopping. Overall, he can seem quite harsh on the kid, but he has their best interests at heart. He wouldn’t be paying them any mind at all if he didn’t have faith in them to go far.

Melone- As is only natural with his stand, Melone is good with kids. Teenagers are a different matter, and with little concrete memory of the whirl of heartbreak and emotions that were his own teen years, Melone isn’t as sure of himself as he would like to be. So he takes the experimental method, observes how their reactions to certain interactions in order to figure out the best way of keeping them at ease. It’s overall a good approach, and Melone becomes one of the earlier members of the team who the newcomer opens up to. The only issue is the others. They do not trust him. So, Melone takes it upon himself to prove himself. He makes a point of adjusting his behaviour, abandoning some of his more unsavoury habits for good, and not just in the kid’s present. The others are surprised, but pleasantly so. Melone is thankful to the newcomer for improving his standing with the team in general.

Ghiaccio- He is not happy. He knows about other teams getting actual children dumped on them, but he never thought it would happen to them. It makes him absolutely furious; the last thing this team needs right now is some petulant brat to take care of. Ghiaccio will give them the cold shoulder for a long time. Eventually, it takes Risotto dragging him into his office and point-blank asking what his problem is to make him reconsider. Ghiaccio drags his heels, insists he needs nothing to do with the newcomer, but then Risotto reminds him how young Ghiaccio was when he got trapped in his life. That changes things. That evening, as Risotto watches on silently from the doorway, Ghiaccio approaches the newcomer in the sitting room. “Hey… kid… do you like video games?” he asks uncertainly. The kid perks up, surprised to hear such an offer from Ghiaccio of all people. They accept. Ghiaccio invites them to play with him often after that. Risotto doesn’t need to ask him.

Risotto- Well, this is interesting. Risotto finds the kid hard to deal with because of how much he sees himself in them. They’re pretty much the same age he was when his own life went to hell. Risotto may have trouble facing the newcomer, but he’ll do it anyway for their sake. He wants to do what he can to make their own youth easier than his, if only by a fraction. For them, he’ll let down his walls and be a confidante. He’ll let them be honest about their fears with him, and he’ll comfort them to the best of his ability. He doesn’t want them to end up like him. He doesn’t want them to lose their humanity.

Sorbet and Gelato- “Sorbet, that’s a baby.” “Christ, you’re right.” Sorbet and Gelato may be devoid of sympathy towards a majority of humanity, but they at least have it in them to feel sorry for a kid. Especially a kid dumped into the closest thing the couple has to a family. Truth is, Sorbet and Gelato have long desired a child of their own, but never truly believed the opportunity would present itself. They know taking in a scarred teenager a few years off from adulthood will never truly take the place of a child to call their own, but if this is the closest they can get, they’ll take it. So yeah, congratulations kid, meet your new group assinged fathers. Sorbet is the more realistic of the two, the one who reluctantly accepts the need to prepare the newcomer for mafia life. They develop a dynamic somewhat comparable to Pesci and Prosciutto, with Sorbet becoming the primary mentor for the child when Risotto is too busy. Gelato is the one who really tries to baby the kid, trying to keep them away from their work as much as possible and always fussing over them whenever a mission can’t be avoided. The kid might be reluctant to accept it, but it is what they need. At least once in a while.

#la squadra #jjba golden wind #formaggio #illuso #pesci #prosciutto #melone #ghiaccio #risotto nero #sorbet and gelato

[rosyl-stuff]

The Hate Between Us

Paring: Jeong Yunho (Ateez) x reader

Genre: forbidden love, fantasy, The Little Mermaid inspired (not really a retelling), a bit angsty, a bit fluffy

Warnings: violence (nothing too graphic)

Word Count: 1.9k (7-8 minutes reading time)

Synopsis: You are a siren who needs to rip out the hearts of humans as a tribute to the Sea Queen. Yunho is a pirate who hunts sirens. Will you two find your happily ever after?

It was a peaceful night. When you broke through the surface of the water, you were not immediately blinded by the sun, so you could spot Yunho straight away. He was standing up to his ankles in the water and wandering around waiting for you.

When your paths first crossed, it was anything but peaceful. You were on the lookout for prey because the Sea Queen was expecting tribute again. Every year, each siren had to prove their loyalty by bringing her a heart of a human. It was the only way to get recognition in your world. Everything else did not matter. Love did not exist for heartless monsters. From a young age, you tore out the hearts of sailors, pirates and sometimes princes who were on adventures so that the sea queen would recognise you as worthy.

Yunho was a pirate. But not just any pirate. He was part of a notorious siren hunter crew. They were known for their swift and brutal style. None of the captured Sirens ever came back alive. A few were given as trophies and compensation for old crimes to the various royal houses of humans. There they were kept in small pools of water and put on display. Sometimes they were even hunted for fun in those pools. Those that were not given away alive died on the ship while their scales were removed. Siren scales have healing properties for humans and were a much sought-after commodity for which people were willing to pay a lot. This is how Yunho and his crew earned their living.

However, they were not the only ones with this business idea. Other pirates quickly followed suit and, pirate fights in waters where sirens frequented became more common. One of these fights took place when you were actually looking for prey. Both crews were too busy fighting each other to notice you. It was an easy game for you. The first pirate to fall into the water, you would grab and rip out his heart before they drowned. You didn't have to wait long until the first one fell into the water. He tried to swim but wasn't very good at it. There was also a big gash on his side. You quickly swam to him and pulled him further into the depths. When you saw his face for the first time, you hesitated. Most people looked at you with love because they were still under the spell of your singing. But he only looked at you curiously. He didn't seem to be afraid either. His face was angelic and, you couldn't help but look at him a little longer. You had hesitated too long because the next moment a harpoon shot only a few centimetres past you. One of the pirates Yunho was fighting against had followed you into the water. He could swim and dive well and was moving towards you. Without giving it a second thought, you swam away with Yunho in tow. He had run out of air by then and fainted. You laid his motionless body on a rock. You didn't want to risk getting caught by any of the pirates and decided to go somewhere else to get your heart for the sea queen, so you abandoned him there.

Luckily for him, his crew found him quickly and, he survived. The lack of oxygen had made him forget what exactly had saved him. He could only remember your face, but he kept it to himself, even though he dreamt of you every night.

As you still did not bring a heart to the sea queen, you were pressed for time and became more careless. So it happened that you were caught in a net and pulled out of the water onto a ship. You tugged at the net, but no matter what you did, it wouldn't let up. When the net was pulled off your head, you saw his face a second time. He recognised you and, you could see his inner conflict in his eyes. You stopped struggling and wondered if it would help to beg him. He glanced over his shoulder at his comrades. Then he held his hand in front of your face. "I know I owe you one. Now bite my hand and then get off the boat and swim as far away as you can." You hesitated while Yunho gave you an encouraging nod. He moved his hand gently to your lips. Then you bit gently into it. "Harder!" he growled, "It's supposed to be realistic!" You obeyed and, his face contorted in pain. Then he cried out and at the same time pushed you back into the water. You swam away as fast as you could. You tasted his blood for days to come and, his face wouldn't let you go now either. You had heard stories of soul mates. Was he perhaps yours?

So you couldn't help but stay close to the ship all the time. Never too close because Yunho probably wouldn't help you a second time. One night he sat alone on the deck and stared into the far distance of the ocean. Your heart longed to see his face. So you carefully swam closer, fervently hoping that no one was sitting by the radar and that everyone else was asleep. Yunho noticed you embarrassingly early. He grinned at you: "Can't stay away from me, I guess."

So you spent almost every night together. Except when you had to fetch a heart, then you disappeared for a while. In the beginning, Yunho was sure that one day you would get his heart and that you just enjoyed playing with your prey. But you also doubted Yunho's sincerity. After all, you saw him regularly dragging sirens out of the water with his crew and killing them. At any time, one of you could become the victim of the other. Nevertheless, you began to trust each other. Yunho was actually a very gentle person and, his brutal way of life affected him more than he wanted to admit to his crew and especially his captain. It was different with you because he could tell you everything without being judged or called weak. You simply listened and comforted him. You were fascinated by his stories and loved to listen to him. But what you liked most was that he simply liked you. You didn't have to prove yourself to be noticed by him. When you were together, it was just the both of you and not the suffering your species caused each other.

But it was not only the hatred of your species that kept you apart. Yunho had no fin, could not breathe underwater and was a terrible swimmer, even if he tried to get better. You had no legs and couldn't move at all on land. Every time Yunho's ship docked at a port, you met in a small, hidden bay. There you could be closest to each other and, the risk of being caught was lowest.

Tonight was one of those nights. You watch Yunho pacing back and forth. Sometimes you wondered what your legs would look like. Would they be as long as Yunho's or be more on the short side? Would you have muscular thighs like him or, would they be thick or thin like other humans? Sometimes it was the other way round and, you wondered what his tail fin would look like. What colour would it be?

Yunho spotted you and in an instant, a grin spread across his face. He got deeper into the water. You swam towards him. When Yunho was waist-deep in the water, you reached him. Without effort, he grabbed your waist and pulled you out of the water so that you were at eye level. You wrapped your arms around your neck and smiled at him.

"Hi love!" he murmured and put his lips on yours.

It was a very loving kiss.

"I missed you!" you breathed against his lips.

"I missed you too!" he murmured and gave you another quick kiss.

You gently stroked his hair and couldn't really stop grinning. Yunho noticed this and asked,

"Did something good happen today?"

You nodded, yet you hesitated. Yunho wanted you to be careful because you would be executed immediately if anyone found out about you. Yunho was close friends with his crew and the captain. They might be angry or disappointed, but they probably wouldn't kill him. Cautious was not a quality you would use to describe yourself. Especially when it came to finding a solution to your problem.

"Now tell me! What have you done?"

"I was in the forbidden library!"

Yunho sighed. As the name suggested, no one but the Sea Queen was allowed to enter the library. But you had managed to bribe one of the guards to let you in. You took your time and looked for a way for you and Yunho to be together.

"Don't worry, everything went well," you said to reassure Yunho.

"And what if it hadn't gone well? Y/N, you have to stop putting yourself in danger like this."

You pouted. Yunho sighed and gave you another kiss.

"Go on, spit it out! What have you found out?"

You gave him a big smile and, he couldn't help but smile right back at you.

“I found a way to make a potion. The potion will give me legs,” you said excitedly.

Yunho looked at you surprised: “Really? What about the ingredients? Are we able to get them without dying?”

You nodded: "Yes, most of them grow on the land, but with your help, it should be no problem!"

Yunho still looked sceptical.

“Come on, Yunho. Please be happy about it. It won't hurt trying it. None of the ingredients is poisonous."

"I'm just worried. There has to be a catch. I highly doubt a potion will just give legs with no side effects."

And he was right. You tried to hide it, but Yunho noticed it right away. He gave you a soft kiss on the cheek as you avoided eye contact.

“What is the side effect?” he asked you softly.

“Please let us try anyway.”

“Tell me first!” Yunho demanded.

You knew arguing wouldn’t bring you anywhere, so you sighed and said: “If I get my legs, every step I take will feel like I’m walking on broken glass.”

You breathed out audibly and pulled you closer to him.

“You know that will be very painful?" he asked.

You just nodded, even if you have never felt how a piece of glass cute into your body. But it can’t be worse than the pain you felt in your heart when you and Yunho are not together.

“I don’t think I can let you do that!” he mumbled into your hair.

“Please,” you begged, “I don’t want to be separated from you any longer. I want to be together with you.”

“You know that I want that as well. I just don’t want you to suffer the rest of your life," he said with a sigh, "Let me think about it, ok?"

You nodded and gave him a feverish kiss. The discussion was over for now and, you both concentrated on giving each other all the love you could.

Maybe you would find another way to be together. Find a way to bring peace to your species. Maybe you are the start of a change. Maybe you find your happily ever after or, you end up in a tragic love story.

Or you are just another story for hopeless romantics?

A/N: Hope you enjoyed this one. If you liked the concept, I would recommend reading "To Kill A Kingdom" by Alexandra Christo.

#yunho scenarios #ateez scenarios #yunho oneshot #yunho imagines #ateez oneshot #ateez imagines #ateez fantasy au #ateez pirate au #yunho fanfic #yunho x reader #yunho x you #ateez x reader #ateez x you #yunho fluff #yunho angst #ateez angst #ateez fluff

[kaile-hultner]

Nihilism is so easy, which is why we need to kill it

(I initially published this here a couple weeks ago.)

So last night it dawned on me that, after over two years of being relatively symptom-free, my depression snuck back up on me and has taken over. It’s still pretty mild in comparison to other times I’ve been stuck in the hole, but after 24 months (and more) of mostly being good to go, I can tell that it’s here for a hot minute again.

How do I know? Well, it might be the fact that I spent more time sleeping during my recent vacation from work than I did just about anything else, and how it’s suddenly really hard for me to stay awake during work hours. I don’t really have an appetite, and in fact nausea hits me frequently. I don’t really have any emotional reactions to things outside of tears, even when tears aren’t super appropriate to the situation (like watching someone play Outer Wilds for the first time). And I’ve been consuming a lot of apocalyptic media, to which the only response, emotional or otherwise, I can really muster is “dude same.”

For a long time I was huge into absurdist philosophy, because it felt to my depressed brain like just the right balance between straight up denying that things are bad (and thus we should fix them, or at least try to do so) and full-blown nihilism. This gives absurdism a lot of credit; mostly it’s just a loose set of spicy existentialist ideas and shit that sounds good on a sticker, like “The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.”

In the last couple years, while outside of my depressive state, I went back to Camus’ work and found a lot of almost full-on abusive shit in it. Not toward anyone specifically, but shit like “nobody and nothing will care if you’re gone, so live out of spite of them all” rubs me the wrong way in retrospect. The philosophy Camus puts out opens the door for living in a very self-destructive fashion; that in fact the good life is living without care for yourself or anyone/anything else. The way Camus describes and derides suicide especially is grim as fuck, and certainly I would never recommend The Myth of Sisyphus to anyone currently struggling with ideation. That “perfect balance” between denial and nihilism is really not that perfect at all, and in fact skews much more heavily towards the latter.

Neon Genesis Evangelion has been a big albatross around my neck in terms of the media products I’ve consumed in my life that I believe have influenced my depression hardcore. It sits in a similar conversational space to Camus’ work, in that it confronts nihilism and at once rejects and facilitates it. A lot of folks remark that Evangelion is pretty unique – or at least uncommon – in its accurate portrayal of depression, especially for mid-90s anime properties. The thing I notice always seems to be missing in these discussions is that along with that accurate portrayal comes a spot-on – to me, at least – depiction of what depression does to resist being treated. This is a disease that uses a person’s rational faculties to suggest that nobody else could possibly understand their pain, and therefore there’s no use in getting better or moving forward. Shinji Ikari is as self-centered as Hideaki Anno is as I am when it comes to confronting the truth: there are paths out of this hole, but nobody else can take that step out but us, and part of our illness is that refusal to do just that. Depression lies, it provides a cold comfort to the sufferer, that there is no existence other than the one where we are in pain and there is no way out, so pull the blanket up over our head and go back to sleep.

Watching Evangelion for the first time corresponded with the onset of one of the worst depressive spirals I’ve ever been in, and so, much like the time I got a stomach virus at the same time that I ate Arby’s curly fries, I kind of can’t associate Evangelion with anything else. No matter what else it might signify, no matter what other meaning there is to derive from it, for me Eva is the Bad Feeling Anime™. Which is why, naturally, I had to binge all four of the Evangelion theatrical releases upon the release of Evangelion 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon A Time last month.

If Neon Genesis Evangelion and End of Evangelion are works produced by someone with untreated depression just fucking rawdogging existence, then the Eva movies are works produced by someone who has gone to therapy even just one fucking time. Whether that therapy is working or not is to be determined, but they have taken that step out of the hole and are able to believe that there is a possibility of living a depression-free life. The first 40 minutes or so of Evangelion 3.0+1.0 are perfect cinema to me. The world is destroyed but there is a way to bring it back. Restoration and existence is possible even when the surface of the planet might as well be the surface of the Moon. The only thing about this is, everyone has to be on board to help. Even though WILLE fired one of its special de-corefication devices into the ground to give the residents of Village 3 a chance at survival, the maintenance of this pocket ecosystem is actively their responsibility. There is no room or time for people who won’t actively contribute, won’t actively participate in making a better world from the ashes of the old.

There are a lot of essentialist claims and assumptions made by the film in this first act about how the body interacts with the social – the concept of disability itself just doesn’t seem to have made it into the ring of safety provided by Misato and the Wunder, which seems frankly wild to me, and women are almost singularly portrayed in traditionalist support roles while men are the doers and the fixers and the makers. I think it’s worth raising a skeptical eyebrow at this trad conservative “back to old ways” expression of the post-apocalypse wherever it comes up, just as it’s important to acknowledge where the movie pushes back on these themes, like when Toji (or possibly Kensuke) is telling Shinji that, despite all the hard work everyone is doing like farming and building, the village is far from self-sufficient and will likely always rely on provisions from the Wunder.

As idyllic as the setting is, it’s not the ideal. As Shinji emerges from his catatonia, Kensuke takes him around the village perimeter. It’s quiet, rural Japan as far as the eye can see, but everywhere there are contingencies; rationing means Kensuke can only catch one fish a week, all the entry points where flowing water comes into the radius of the de-corefication devices have to be checked for blockages because the water supply will run out. There is a looming possibility that the de-corefication machines could break or shut down at some point, and nobody knows what will happen when that happens. On the perimeter, lumbering, pilot-less and headless Eva units shuffle around; it is unknown whether they’re horrors endlessly biding their time or simply ghosts looking to reconnect to the ember of humanity on the other side of the wall. Survival is always an open question, and mutual aid is the expectation. Still: the apocalypse happened, and we’re still here. The question Village 3 answers is “what now?” We move on, we adapt.

Evangelion is still a work that does its level best to defy easy interpretation, but the modern version of the franchise has largely abandoned the nihilism that was at its core in the 90s version. It’s not just that Shinji no longer denies the world until the last possible second – it’s that he frequently actively reaches out and is frustrated by other people’s denials. He wants to connect, he wants to be social, but he’s also burdened with the idea that he’s only good to others if he’s useful, and he’s only useful if he pilots the Eva unit. This last movie separates him and what he is worth to others (and himself) from his agency in being an Eva pilot, finally. In doing so, he’s able to reconcile with nearly everyone in his life who he has harmed or who has hurt him, and create a world in which there is no Evangelion. While this ending is much more wishful thinking than one more grounded in the reality of the franchise – one that, say, focuses on the existence and possible flourishing of Village 3 and other settlements like it while keeping one eye on the precarious balancing act they’re all playing – it feels better than the ending of End of Eva, and even than the last two episodes of the original series.

I’m glad the nihilism in Evangelion is gone, for the most part. I’m glad that I didn’t spend roughly eight hours watching the Evamovies only to be met yet again with a message of “everything is pointless, fuck off and die.” Because I’ve been absorbing that sentiment a lot lately, from a lot of different sources, and it really just fuckin sucks to hear over and over again.

It is a truth we can’t easily ignore that the confluence of pandemic, climate change, authoritarian surge and capitalist decay has made shit miserable recently. But the spike in lamentations over the intractability of this mix of shit – the inevitability of our destruction, to put it in simpler terms – really is pissing me off. No one person is going to fix the world, that much is absolutely true, but if everyone just goes limp and decides to “123 not it” the apocalypse then everyone crying about how the world is fucked on Twitter will simply be adding to the opening bars of a self-fulfilling prophesy.

We can’t get in a mech to save the world but then, neither realistically could Shinji Ikari. What we can do looks a lot more like what’s being done in Village 3: people helping each other with limited resources wherever they can.

Last week, Hurricane Ida slammed into the Gulf Coast and churned there for hours – decimating Bayou communities in Louisiana and disrupting the supply chain extensively – before powering down and moving inland. Last night the powerful remnants of that storm tore through the Northeast, causing intense flooding. Areas not typically affected by hurricanes suddenly found themselves in a similar boat – pun not intended – to folks for whom hurricanes are simply a fact of life. There’s a once-in-a-millennium drought and heatwave ripping through the West Coast and hey – who can forget back in February when Oklahoma and Texas experienced -20 degree temperatures for several days in a row? All of this against the backdrop of a deadly and terrifying pandemic and worsening political climate. It’s genuinely scary! But there are things we can do.

First, if you’re in a weather disaster-prone area, get to know your local mutual aid organizations. Some of these groups might be official non-profits; one such group in the Louisiana area, for example, is Common Ground Relief. Check their social media accounts for updates on what to do and who needs help. If you’re not sure if there’s one in your area, check out groups like Mutual Aid Disaster Relief for that same information. Even if you’re not in a place that expects to see the immediate effects of climate change, you should still consider linking up with organizing groups in your area. Tenant unions, homeless organizations, safe injection sites and needle exchanges, immigrant rights groups, environmental activist orgs, reproductive health groups – all could use some help right now, in whatever capacity you might be able to provide it.

In none of these scenarios are we going to be the heroes of the story, and we shouldn’t view this kind of work in that way. But neither should we give into the nihilistic impulse to insist upon doing nothing, insist that inaction is the best course of action, and get back under the blankets for our final sleep. Kill that impulse in your head, and fuck, if you have to, simply just fucking wish for that better world. Then get out of bed and help make it happen.

#Neon Genesis Evangelion #existentialism #philosophy #media criticism #cultural criticism #spoilers

[softomi]

Realistically

prompt: “Even though I knew you wouldn’t show up I still waited for you”

pairing: sakusa kiyoomi x f!reader

word count: 1.5k

He was a realist, that’s how Sakusa always described himself. There was no such thing as fate, perhaps coincidences were more probable. He didn’t believed people couldn’t just naturally be good at something, there needed to be practice and hard work put into everything.

Unlike his coworkers, friends if he had to stretch for another word, they were wishful thinkers. Reliant on pre-game rituals and head over heels on thoughts of impossibility such love at first sight.

“You can’t deny that you probably fell in love at first sight.” Bokuto tried to reason with him in the locker rooms.

It was like a game they liked to play with him, as if testing his ideals.

“I didn’t.” Sakusa would respond bluntly.

Like usual, the men in the locker room would pretend to gasp, as if they wouldn’t expect that answer from him.

“It must be hard to date you.” Atsumu amuses the group, “Nothing would satisfy him. Don’t know how your girlfriend does it.” There’s small laughter as Sakusa leaves the locker rooms.

While his other teammates would leave the locker room and straight to the left to exit towards the entrance, Sakusa takes a sharp right from the door; the hallway leads him back to the gym. The place empty and abandoned contrary to its original state just two hours ago, but there remains one lone figure standing in the middle of the court. Their back facing him, head peering to the bleachers above, he can imagine their astonished expression.

“What are you doing?”

You turn on your heels, the mask on you hides the smile that’s engraved in his head, “Just seeing how it looks from your point of view.” You turn back to the bleachers, your finger pointing at one of the high seats, “I sat just right there.”

“You actually sat?” Sakusa grimaces.

“Oh.” You let out a laugh, “I didn’t sit, I stood behind the seat.” You move to step towards the male, “Ready?” There’s a safe distance between the two of you as you exit the gym.

Sakusa would even say, that in his relationship with you, everything was realistic. It wasn’t like Bokuto’s relationship who showered his significant other with bouquet upon bouquet upon bouquet. Neither was he like Atsumu who enjoyed showering his flings with endless amounts of diamonds. Realistically, Sakusa thinks, relationships are just the comfortability of being together and realistically, he would believe you think so too.

But there were times when he noticed your shifting gazes, a mere envious smile when your friends talk about their spontaneous gifts from their lovers. And you look at him, with such loving affection that it almost makes him guilty.

“Flowers?” You quirk a brow at him when he emerges after his game, a small bouquet of lilies in his hands.

The gym is silent as you take the bouquet from him. Delicate, sweet in scent, beautiful; just like him. You admire the lilies, a sparkle in your eye, “What for?”

He’s nonchalant, waving a hand, “It’s only fair that I do this once in a while.”

You couldn’t help but stifle a laugh. It was simply his way of saying ‘I love you’. You draw out one of the lilies, handing it to him, “It’s only fair that I do this once in a while too.”

Sakusa keeps the single lily you had given him in a frame tucked in the corner of his closet.

There was something about realistically that started to put a bad taste in his mouth. Because, he should have prepared himself for the realistic nature that you wouldn’t always be by his side.

It was like a bomb had dropped on him.

“I got accepted into a graduate program in Tokyo.” You had told him the day before one of his games. You wouldn’t see him until after his game, but you just had to tell him, you had to know what he thought before you made your decision on the night of his game, “Should I go?”

Should you go?

You looked at him with such eagerness and he couldn’t tell if you wanted him to tell you to stay with him. He told you he’s think about it, leaving out the door without another word.

And he thought about it long and hard. He thought out it as he spiked the ball with all his force, he thought about it as he showered in peace, he thought about it as walked the longest hallway to get to you.

“Of course, you should go.” He states, towering over you in the middle of the gym, “Realistically.” It paints his tongue with dirt, “you’ll only be half a day away.” He wants to pull you close, maybe if he stared long enough, you would see that he had thrown his realistic ideas away.

Your eyes light up, “Oh my gosh Omi.” You take a step back from him, excitedly jumping, “Are you sure?��

He didn’t want to be like one of those movies, the one where she has to choose between the love of her life or literally anything else in the world. It only made sense in a real-life context, that you would rather move forward in your life than stay and wait with him.

“Of course.” His encouragement is laced with bitterness.

“Omi!” You can’t contain the extra excitement as you leap into his arms. One of the rare times he actively catches you. You don’t notice the way he holds you just a little tighter, “But Omi.” You pull away, “I won’t be able to attend your games anymore.”

“It’s alright.” He keeps his hands on the small of your back, dipping his forehead to press against yours, “It’ll be aired anyways, you can watch then.” But it wouldn’t be the same without you there.

He was right. It wasn’t the same without you. His place was bare of you, he had hung up the frame of the lily which remained the only constant reminder of you. Missed connections, late night texts, video calls at dawn. For a half day away, it felt like opposite ends of the world.

‘I’m sorry Omi, I have to submit this draft on Friday, so I won’t be able to talk much.’

It was the last thing you sent him in a while.

If anything made it worse, it was when he left the locker rooms. It was the long, excruciating hallway as he turned right. The empty gym, the sound of silence piercing him; he’d wait there, sometimes for five minutes, on others maybe thirty minutes. As if, by some godly chance, you’d walk through the door and tease him for actually waiting. Sheepishly, he misses you.

“Hey.” You were rushed as he spontaneously called you. Usually, he’d tell you when he’d call you, “What’s up?” You tried to sound less stressed on the phone with him.

He hums for a second, “What are you doing?”

“I’m actually heading to my apartment right now. Lots and lots of research articles to read.” You mock a laugh, “It’s so much fun!”

Sakusa laughs with you, “I miss you.”

A smile crept on your lips, “You couldn’t have waited another month to say it. Now I owe Atsumu some money.” A sigh is emitted from his end, “I’ll have to admit, I’m glad it only took what, six months.”

“Where are you now?”

You push open the doors to your building, “About to take the elevators.”

“Take the stairs.” Sakusa pauses, “It’s better for you.”

“Just admit you want to talk to me longer.” You follow his command, opting for the stairs over the elevators.

“You sound out of breath already. You really don’t know how to take care of your body.”

You pause in the middle of the stairs, huffing and puffing, “I hate you so much.” Still, laughter leaves your lips, “I watched your last game, I’m glad you guys won.” You’re slowly starting back up the stairs, “You have a game today right?”

“No, I don’t.”

You frown, taking the phone away from your ear to look at the date, “No, I’m pretty sure you guys are playing today.” You reach your floor level, “Your mom was talking about it.”

“You were with my mom?”

You were resting yourself at the top of the stairs, “Yeah, we had lunch together today.” You pause, “So why are trying to tell me that you aren’t playing today?”

The door to the stairs open, your eyes are met the deep colors of his, “Because I’m not.”

In tears, you bawl in front of him, “What are you doing here?” You sob.

Sakusa is rubbing your hands with hand sanitizer. He uses his own handkerchief to wipe your tears, and he then he lets you fall into his arms, “I told you I missed you.”

“Your game?”

He runs a hand through your hair, “I missed you more.”

Extra:

“You’re so cheesy today.” He’s kept you close since his surprise visit, your back is presses against his chest as you two sit on the couch, “You know, realistically, you should be playing at the game right now.”

Sakusa’s eyes are glued onto the volleyball game displayed on the screen, “You know realistically, I would have bathed you in hand sanitizer before I let you cry on my clothes.”

You slap his chest, “You’re so mean!” You attempt to run away from him, only he’s quick to grab you by the wrist, pulling you back into him.

“Realistically.” His nose brushes against yours, “I love you.”

#sakusa imagines #sakusa x reader #haikyuu x reader #sakusa kiyoomi #sakusa x y/n #sakusa #haikyuu

[theanimeview]

WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT SKATE-LEADING☆STARS (Spoilers)

By: Peggy Sue Wood | @peggyseditorial​

I have said it before, and I will say it many more times--of that I am sure. I used to be a competitive figure skater. It was a long time ago, I had stop in high school due to several consecutive head injuries but I still love and follow the sport (I also still skate, just not competitively). 

When Yuri!!! on Ice was out, I loved it because it showed a lot of the cultural parts of skating. The travel, the personality types (in some cases, though not as much), the publicity, the news coverage, etc. We had cameos of famous skaters, we got to see competitions in a pretty realistic way, costuming, the dance and/or gymnastics that skaters must do on and off the ice, and so much more! (I could probably nerd about all the easter eggs and everything else all day long.) The skating in Yuri!!! on Ice is good too. The sounds are near perfect and the movements, though a bit stiff due to the use of CGI, are accurate. 

THAT ASIDE I think Skate-Leading☆Stars is better. In regards to the culture of skaters, SL☆S falls way short but that’s alright. After all, this is a sports anime set in a high school where sports is an all consuming entity and reality takes a back seat to guys with eccentric hair colors. The skating is what's important here and OH LET ME TELL YOU it is near perfect.

Let’s look at this: 

This is our MC, Kensei Maeshima, doing a triple axel (I think they called it a quadruple in the anime which would mean 4 spins but I counted 3 so I’m calling it a triple for now). It’s the only jump that takes off going forward in skating and is one of the most difficult jumps. All of the movement here is accurate--from the way he jumps up and straightens his legs as soon as possible with arms tucked in to help the spin, to the way he lands with a slight bend of the knee, curving around and throwing out the arms for balance (and flare). 

It’s gorgeous. And it continues. When we see Kensei practicing, we get these shots: 

A Sit Spin ^

Crossovers ^

And a Salchow ^ (I think it is Salchow, but if could be a Lutz--the uncertainty comes from me finding it difficult to decipher which edge he’s on before jumping).

ALL OF THESE are beautifully animated and correct--from the way he pulls his arms in quickly and straightens his legs before bending for the landing again to the way he moves after landing. 

Crossovers are especially good as they help build momentum quickly before jumps, allowing a skater to travel more during their jump. 

And when he falls, you see something else that they train you for in skating--how to fall. It’s literally the first thing I was taught when I began taking lessons. Let me explain--in the gif above where he falls coming out of the Salchow, we see this:

He landed on the correct foot, but was still coming out of the last half of his last turn. His other foot, which is meant to swing out, around, and behind him, before guiding the glide out of said jump, hits the ice at an angle as he lands thus causing most of the ice shaving we see happening to the top layer of ice as his other foot slides out from under him. 

Now, if your feet went out from under you--the first thing that you might do automatically is go to your knees or hands to protect your fall. In skating, it’s a bit different. If you fall, your aim is to quickly move to try and let your butt or thighs take the hit while trying to avoid joints (knees, elbows, and wrists) and head injuries. What does Kensei do? He quickly turns to land on his butt first:

His hand skims the ice, but he moves it up, and off the ice as he bounces:

He then turns during the bounce, aiming to land on his thighs (less painful in my experience, and less risk of a tailbone or head injury as you continue to bounce and slide on the ice). His arm extends outward to avoid hitting his elbow directly on the ice with the weight of his upper body against it, while moving the arm up, placing his bicep closer to the head (which will help prevent his head from smacking against the ice):

Finally, he stops sliding and has, officially, “landed” his fall:

Note how the head is tucked in, resting a bit on the bicep, his elbow is not being leaned against (or broken after this fall) since it is laying flat, and how he is on his side? Yeah. That’s a pretty great fall. 

You’d be a little scratched up after that if the ice was rough and since he wasn’t wearing a jacket/gloves--but you’d probably avoid bruising or any severe injuries. The reason for the fall was probably a combination of the scratched up ice (which he credits), being out of practice, and his need for more muscle training.  Still, AWESOME. He’s doing really well for being as out of practice as he is. 

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE STORY??

Okay--Now that I’ve nerded out about the skating I’ll talk about the larger story.

Kensei is hated by his current team. It reminds me a lot of the hate that was given towards Ren Mihashi in Big Windup! prior to transferring schools. 

Kensei is obviously very talented--I mean, not everyone can come back from being off the ice FOR YEARS and do jumps like that without seriously hurting themselves and falling all over the place. It’s not like riding a bike--it’s more like highly skilled dancing... on blades... on a very slippery surface where you are likely to seriously break something. His team hates him for some reason, and act like he’s not a team player or something but he doesn’t come off that way. Perhaps a bit overly confident for their liking, but he clearly has the skills to back it up and we have proof that he can play on a team since we’re shown him playing basketball in Episode 1 and told that he’s played on and been scouted by a number of other teams at the school.

If they dislike him because of him quitting for a while, I’d say they need to get over it because we learn in the first few minutes of the anime that before Kensei’s last competition he lost both his parents--who were professional ice-skaters--in a traumatic accident. 

In the flashback we see of him as a child, the reference point for why so many of his current teammates seem to hate him, we see that Kensei doesn’t seem to have any friends. In fact, our antagonist Reo Shinozaki is the one seen surrounded by people and other kids. While Reo doesn’t seem to regard any of his peers as being friends or equals, it’s pretty clear that he is at least liked more by the other kids than Kensei who is alone. 

As a teen, Kensei has made several friends outside of skating which we see in the current episodes but he still hasn’t made much headway with the other skaters--though at least one of the older kids, Yukimitsu Mochizuki, is nice to him. Some of the members are obviously mad at him for something and wish he wasn’t part of the team and maybe that’s because of his boisterous personality but more likely its due to something more petty, like jealousy or envy at Kensei’s skill or some sort of lack in communication. (Remember, they were all individual competitors going against each other at one point, and when your friends are also who you actively compete against it can get pretty ugly.) 

That’s not to say Kensei is without flaws. As mentioned, he is overly confident at points and makes careless statements about a few of the other members’ being of lower skill or caliber than him despite knowing that he is out of practice and that they take the sport very seriously. If I was to apply this to my own experience as a former skater, it may be like when I had a falling out with many of my skating friends after I had to stop competing and no longer attended lessons. Many of them, particularly at our young age and level, couldn’t imagine giving up skating for any reason aside from losing life or a limb. Concussions or the after effects didn’t feel real to them (nor to me), and yet the pain I felt doing simple spins or moving quickly left me in pain and feeling like I had just slammed my head against the ice. Some felt like I was quitting just as the real competitions were getting started (entering adult competitions). One friend later told me that she felt like I had quit while I was ahead, “robbing” her of the chance to beat me, as though I would have know that. A few others said that it felt like I didn’t care about them or the sport anymore when I stopped coming to group lessons. Meanwhile, I felt like I was being abandoned and lost now that I couldn’t do the one thing that had consumed much of my free time and focus in life at that age... But it’s okay now, because I found anime. (JK--it all worked out as we got older and talked things through.)

I’m sure that as the series progresses, these combative issues within the team will work themselves out and I’m looking forward to it!

Comparatively, it feels a LOT like the Free! series (you remember that swimming anime we were all obsessed with?), though the focus on ice skating that we see within the series thus far (such as news stories, the number of clubs and schools that have ice skating clubs, youtube-videos, and other media) imply that ice skating is as prevalent there as basketball or volleyball. Which, as much as I’d love that to be true, is simply not the case. It’s fictionalized, obviously, and the story is really laying on the drama pretty thick from inter-team disharmony to a larger rivalry with our antagonist that said antagonist doesn’t even seem to register, think about, or give two hoots towards.

As for the rest of the fictional universe of this world... Uh. It’s a high school sports anime so what do you expect?

Simply put, it’s a standard story for this genre. 

I have not yet read the manga--but I plan to immediately. 8/10 recommend streaming on Funimation.com, and 10/10 on animation (if only for the skating). The next episode comes out on the 10th, so now is a great time to catch up! 

#Big Windup! #Free! #free! iwatobi swim club #skate-leading☆stars #skateleading stars #skateleadingstars #ice skating #figure skating #yuri!!! on ice #yuri on ice #yuri on ice!!! #group skating #review #analysis #funimation #SL☆S

[mrsmarymorstan]

Don't why the fans especially the manga readers are hyping about tooru breaking the curse when she didn't even do shit. she just went on that silly adventure and be an annoying crybaby whenever she learns something new about the curse. it was actually akito who broke the curse so i can't understand what you are all hyping tohru on.

Ah yes, I to remember the days when I’d be deliberately antagonistic just for fun and beat on female characters for showing emotions and caring about people. Or indeed, resent characters for having entirely realistic reactions to the cosmic horror and terror that surrounds them. Then I turned 16 and HER WE ARE ten years later and I get to see it from a whole new perspective! What fun. 

In your misguided attempt to cause drama by shitting on people having a good time by being excited about upcoming character moments, much like Dr Flemming’s unwashed petri dish, you have hit upon something that benefits further discussion and interest. 

That point being, was it TOHRU who broke the curse, or was it Akito? 

The answer, I believe, is both. SPOILERS FOR ANIME ONLIES TONY YOU ARE WARNED DO NOT @ ME AGAIN IF YOU MESS UP. 

When Tohru sets out to break the curse and stop the love of her life from being locked up in a cold dark room for the rest of his existence, she finds out that the curse is firstly, a bond of blood sworn by the spririts of the past and not something that can be physically manifested, and secondly, that the curse has already begun to break RE: Kureno. 

Now, there’s a LOT of theories about why Kureno’s curse broke and if it truly was some random event or if there was a trigger. I think it’s a combination of the two. It’s noted by the maids and by (I think) Shigure that this is the first time in a long time that the entire Juunishi are present. There is also a sizeable age gap betwee Hiro and Kureno, that would about match up between Hiro being an infant when Kureno’s curse broke. Ergo, I propose that his curse broke soon after their first New Year’s together as a complete banquet with no spaces missing. Save that of the cat, of course, but more on him later. 

Kureno is the rooster, and I believe that in legend the Rooster was seen as the closest to God because he could deliver messages between heaven and earth. Therefore it makes sense that the first to leave God alone, is God’s messenger. “We have had our final Banquet, it’s time to end the cycle.” 

Of course Akito/God does not have a positive reaction to this, and the loss of one Juunishi inspires a great sense of loneliness and fear within Akito similar to that which lead to the creation of the bond in the first place. We do not see God being willing to make any attempt to work on achieving the Cat’s wish of finally being able to form friendships beyond the Zodiac and forming bonds with the humans he was so afraid of before. 

And THAT is the crux of the matter. Tohru came into the Sohma’s lives and began to break the curse simply by forming close bonds with them all, and letting them into her life and react to the world around them. Hana and Uo are both friends with Kyo and Yuki, actively choosing to spend time together. We also see that in Kyo attending the same school as Yuki, it opens up that same school to Haru and Momiji where they too can form bonds outside of the Sohma influence. It’s a school THEY chose, not the single sex one Akito picked out. Equally this means we have to give some credit to Yuki for making the brave choice of defying his parents and Akito’s wishes by attending a mixed school, and Shigure (who continues to be the mastermind here) for goading Akito into allowing Kyo to also attend that school and not simply pay off the private school he was MEANT to attend and have them let him back in. 

It’s also no real surprise that the two other Juunishi whose curses break before the final scene are Momiji and Hiro. Hiro is shown to be forming bonds outside of the Zodiac too. Not only has he matured enough that he is able to understand things from Tohru’s perspective now and has a relatively positive relationship with her, he ALSO becomes a Big Brother with a little sister he adores. Again, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that his curse breaks whilst he is in the same room as her. The Sheep has formed a meaningful relationship outside of the Zodaic, so it is time for the Sheep Spirit to return to its original realm. We then have Momiji, who is absolutely desperately in love with Tohru and is also equally desperate to be allowed to have a relationship with his OWN sister. Momiji’s curse breaks only after he has gone through puberty though and reaches adulthood. It’s when he starts to truly understand the path that is laid before him, and where he stands in it. He WANTS a relationship with Tohru, but he can also recognise that she is in love with Kyo and that makes it all the more painful. He knows that as he ages he is only going to be made to feel more distant from his sister, and that hurts too. HOWEVER, Momiji doesn’t ever stop LONGING for meaningful relationships and a world beyond the life of the Zodiac. He recognises that he does not have anything really tying him to the Sohma anymore, and so his curse breaks. The rabbit spirit has no need to be part of the banquet, and so heads home.   

Now, as you can see, whilst Tohru is a key trigger in the breaking of the curse, she’s still not the one to actively do it, right? 

Well, wrong. Sort of. 

Take note that when we’re told the ACTUAL story of the Original Banquet , we find that the Cat was the first friend God ever made, and was also the first to die. It was the death of the cat that triggered God into creating the eternal bond that would always bring them together, and it was the cat’s terror and dismay at being forced into such a bond that caused them to disown him. The cat has, all along, simply wanted God to make friends. The first who had the curse take effect upon them, was the one who rejectd it the most and as such was then shunned forever more. The cat wanted God to make bonds outside of the Zodiac, and in turn the cat was forever banned form making those bonds. Even though we’ve been show the Cat was granted some realtionships in the form of Kazuma’s Grandmother; it is a relationship made out of pitty rather than love and understanding. 

Tohru though? Torhu is the God Damned (excuse the pun) Year of the Cat Fanclub PRESIDENT. Nobody loves and respects the OG Cat Spirit in the way she does. She emphasied with the Cat’s plight in the legend her mother told her, feeling sorry for them being tricked like that and being forced to miss out on being part of the legend. She wanted the cat to join the group! She cradled the cat’s body in much the same way God in his final moments, as instead this time Tohru brings him back into the light and forms a stronger and longer lasting relationship with the cat spirit through love and empathy.

And later on, in that same mountainside, it is TOHRU who is the one who reaches out her hand to god and asks to become friends. It is the act of God forming friends with mortal humans that triggers Akito/God to finally release everyone from their curse. That’s why it happens when it does, when Akito knows that Tohru is safely out of hospital, that she has still welcomed Akito into her life... and that if Akito is going to take those terrifying steps into forming relationships that can end in rejection, she’s going to have to do it on her own two feet. 

THAT is how Tohru breaks the curse. THAT is what is important here and what is so FUCKING HARD ROCK about Tohru Honda. We see her willing to stand up to GOD in order to break the curse, but she stands before God as an EQUAL. Tohru WILL break the curse. She WILL fight for her soulmate. She WILL make you be friends with her and address your deep seated issues of self hate and abandonment (not that she has those issues herself ahahahha no I’m just your average happy go lucky teenager with two dead parents who lives in a tent I’M FINE) 

Of course, it turns out that everything Shigure and Kazuma told her about breaking the curse was true: That she didn’t have to do anything other than to continue to be herself. HOWEVER, in order to BE herself she needed to try and have a “silly adventure” where she tested her metal and learnt to speak up for herself. Why are we excited? Because we’re going to see Tohru finally find the confidence to speak out against others without harm! We see her get into a fight with Rin about it. We see her refusing to back down against Kagura. We see her standing on her own two feet and saying “No. No I don’t want that. I REFUSE to give in and to leave well alone!” 

All before, Tohru has been so scared to speak up for herself because of her debilitating abandonment issues (and please let’s not make fun of people’s mental health issues, okay? I haven’t been having a weekly therapy session for nearly two years now just because for the fun of it) but now she’s got to the point where she feels comfortable and secure enough to show an uglier side to herself that people might reject. She is able to be mean, and shout, and fucking break into someone’s house in order to get what she wants! How can a TRUE fruits basket fan NOT be excitd for that level of character development? 

And to end it, please, for the LOVE OF GOD it is 2020. I am 26 years old. I have been on tumblr since 2011. Do not send me hate about female fictional characters and expect me to roll over. My username is “Mrs Mary Morstan”. Mary. Morstan. The most hated female character in all of BBC Sherlock. Do not even try to fucking test me, you Petri Dish. 

#Fruits Basket #Furuba #Furuba Manga Spoilers #Tohru Honda #Akito Sohma #The Curse #The Juunishi #Anonymous #greatest hits

[ariainstars]

Thank You, Disney Lucasfilm… For Destroying My Dreams

Warning: longer post.

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So… I watched The Rise of Skywalker on Disney+ a few weeks ago. Again.

Sigh.

I guess it has its good sides. But professional critics tend to dislike it and even the general audience doesn’t go crazy for it. I wonder why?

  The Fantasy

When his saga became a groundbreaking pop phenomenon in the 1970es, George Lucas reportedly said that he wanted to tell fairy tales again in world that no longer seemed to offer young people a chance to grow up with them. The fact that his saga was met with such unabashed, international enthusiasm proves that he was right: people long for fairy tales no matter how old they are and what culture they belong to.

“Young people today don’t have a fantasy life anymore, not the way we did… All they’ve got is Kojak and Dirty Harry. All the films they see are movies of disasters and insecurity and realistic violence.” (George Lucas)

I’ve been a Star Wars fan for more than thirty years. I love the Original Trilogy but honestly it did not make me dream much, perhaps because when I saw it the trilogy was already complete. The Prequel Trilogy also did not inspire my fantasy.

The Last Jedi accomplished something that no TV show, book or film had managed in years: it made me dream. The richness of colorful characters, multifaceted themes, unexpected developments, intriguing relationships was something I had not come across in a long time: it fascinated me. I felt like a giddy teenager reading up meta’s, writing my own and imagining all sorts of beautiful endings for the saga for almost two years.

So if there’s something The Rise of Skywalker can pride itself on for me, it’s that it crushed almost every dream I had about it. The few things I had figured out – Rey’s fall to the Dark, Ben Solo’s redemption, the connection between them - did not even make me happy because they were tainted by the flatness of the storytelling reducing the Force to a superpower again (like the general audience seems to believe it is), and its deliberate ignoring of almost all messages of The Last Jedi.

Many fans of the Original Trilogy also were disillusioned by the saga over the decades and ranted at the studios for “destroying their childhood”. Now we, the fans of the sequels and in particular of The Last Jedi, are in the same situation… but the thought doesn’t make the pill much easier to swallow. What grates on my nerves is the feeling that someone trampled on my just newly found dreams like a naughty child kicking a doll’s house apart. Why give us something to dream of in the first place, then? To a certain extent I can understand that many fans would angrily assume that Disney Lucasfilm made the Sequel Trilogy for the purpose of destroying their idea of the saga. The point is that they had their happy ending, while every dream the fans of the Sequel Trilogy may have had was shattered with this unexpectedly flat and hollow final note.

I know many fans who dislike the Prequel Trilogy heartily. I also prefer the Original Trilogy, but I find the prequels all right in their own way, also since I gave them some thought. However, it can’t be denied that they lack the magic spark which made the Original Trilogy so special. Which makes sense since they are not a fairy tale but ultimately a tragedy, but in my opinion it’s the one of the main reasons why the Prequel Trilogy never was quite so successful, or so beloved.

Same goes for Rogue One, Solo, or Clone Wars. They’re ok in their way, but not magical.

The sequel trilogy started quite satisfyingly with The Force Awakens, but for me, the actual bomb dropped with The Last Jedi. Reason? It was a magical story. It had the spark again that I had missed in the new Star Wars stories for decades! And it was packed full of beautiful messages and promises.

The Force is not a superpower belonging solely to the Jedi Anyone can be a hero. Even the greatest heroes can fail, but they will still be heroes. Hope is like the sun: if you only believe in it when you see it you’ll never make it through the night. Failure is the greatest teacher. It’s more important to save the light than to seem a hero. No one is never truly gone. War is only a machine. Dark Side and Light Side can be unbeatable if they are allies. Save what you love instead of destroying what you hate.

Naively, I assumed the trilogy would continue and end in that same magical way. And then came The Rise of Skywalker… which looks and feels like a Marvel superhero story at best and an over-long videogame at worst.

Chekov’s Gun

“Remove everything that has no relevance to the story. If you say in the first chapter that there is a rifle hanging on the wall, in the second or third chapter it absolutely must go off. If it’s not going to be fired, it shouldn’t be hanging there.”

(Anton Chekov, 1860 - 1904)

If you show an important looking prop and don’t put it to use, it leaves the audience feeling baffled. There is a huge difference between a story’s setup, and the audience’s feeling of entitlement. E.g. many viewers expected Luke to jump right back into the fray in Episode VIII, because that’s what a hero does, isn’t it? The cavalry comes and saves the day. And instead, we met a disillusioned elderly hermit who is tired of the ways of the Jedi. But there was no actual reason for disappointment: in Episode VII it was very clearly said (through Han, his best friend) that Luke had gone into exile on purpose, feeling responsible for his failure in teaching a new generation of Jedi. It would have been more than stupid to show him as an all-powerful and all-knowing man who kills the bad guys. Sorry but who expected that was a victim to his own prejudice.

A promise left unfulfilled is a different story. The Last Jedi set up a lot of promises that didn’t come true in The Rise of Skywalker: Balance as announced by the Jedi temple mosaic, a new Jedi Order hinted at by Luke on Crait, a good ending for Ben and Rey set up by the hand-touching scene which was opposite to Anakin’s and Padmés wedding scene. Many fans were annoyed about the Canto Bight sequence. I liked it because it felt like the set-up for a lot of important stuff: partnership between Finn and Rose whom we see working together excellently, freedom for the enslaved children (one of whom is Force-sensitive), DJ and Rose expressing what makes wars in general foolish and beside the point. So if we, the fans of Episode VIII, now feel angry and let down, I daresay it’s not due to entitlement. We were announced magical outcomes and not just pew-pew.

The Star Wars saga never repeated itself but always developed and enlarged its themes, so it was to be expected that delving deeper, uncomfortable truths would come out: wars don’t start out of nowhere, and they don’t flare up and continue for decades for the same reason. In order to find Balance, the Jedi’s and the Skywalker family’s myths needed to be dismantled. Which is not necessarily bad as long it is explained how things came to this, and a better alternative is offered. The prequels explained the old political order and the beginnings of the Skywalker family, and announced that the next generation would do better. The sequels hardly explained anything about the 30 years that passed since our heroes won the battle against the Empire, and while The Last Jedi hinted at the future a lot, The Rise of Skywalker seemed to make a point of ignoring all of it.

  The Skywalker Family Is Obliterated. Why?

Luke was proven right that his nephew would mean the end of everything he loved. The lineage of the Chosen One is gone. His grandson had begun where Vader had ended - tormented, pale and with sad eyes - and he met the same fate. Luke, Han, Leia, all sacrificed themselves to bring Ben Solo back for nothing. Him being the reincarnation of the Chosen One and getting a new chance should have been meaningful for all of them; instead, he literally left the scepter to Rey who did nothing to deserve it: merely because she killed the Bad Guy does not mean she will do a better job than the family whose name and legacy she proudly takes over.

I do hope there was a good reason if the sequels did not tell “The New Adventures of Luke, Leia and Han” and instead showed us a broken family on the eve of its wipeout. It would have been much easier, and more fun for the audience, to bring the trio back again after a few years and pick up where they had left. Instead we had to watch their son, nephew and heir go his grandfather’s way - born with huge power, branded as Meant to Be Dangerous from the start, tried his best to be a Jedi although he wanted to be a pilot, never felt accepted, abandoned in the moment of his greatest need, went to his abuser because he was the only one to turn to, became a criminal, his own family (in Anakin’s case: Obi-Wan and Yoda) trained the person who was closest to him to kill him, sacrificed himself for this person and died. And in his case, it’s particularly frustrating because Kylo Ren wasn’t half as impressive a villain as Vader, and Ben Solo had a very limited time of heroism and personal fulfilment, contrarily to Anakin when he was young.

The impact of The Rise of Skywalker was traumatic for some viewers. I know of adolescents and adults, victims of family abandonment and abuse, who identified with Ben: they were told that you can never be more than the sum of your abuse and abandonment, and that they’re replaceable if they’re not “good”. Children identifying with Rey were told that their parents might sell them away for “protection”. Rey was not conflicted, she had a few doubts but overall, she was cool about everything she did, so she got everything on a silver platter; that’s why as a viewer, after a while you stopped caring for her. Her antagonist was doomed from birth because he dared to question the choices other people made for him. It seems that in the Star Wars universe, you can only “rise” if you’re either a criminal but cool because you’ve always got a bucket over your head (Vader / the Mandalorian) or are a saint-like figure (Luke / Rey).

One of Obi-Wan’s first actions in A New Hope is cutting off someone’s arm who was only annoying him; Han Solo, ditto. These were no acts of self-defense. The Mandalorian is an outlaw. Yet they are highly popular. Why? Because they always keep their cool, so anything they do seems justified. Young Anakin was hated, Jake Lloyd and Hayden Christensen attacked for his portrayal. For the same reason many fans feel that Luke is the least important of the original trio although basically the Original Trilogy is his story: it seems the general audience hates nothing more than emotionality in a guy. They want James Bond, Batman or Indiana Jones as the lead. Padmé loved Anakin because she always saw the good little boy he once was in him; his attempts at impressing her with his flirting or his masculinity failed. Kylo tried to impress Rey with his knowledge and power, but she fled from him - she wanted the gentle, emphatic young man who had listened to her when she felt alone. Good message. But both died miserably, and Ben didn’t even get anything but a kiss. Realizing that his “not being as strong as Darth Vader” might actually be a strength of its own would have meant much more.

The heroes of the Original Trilogy had their adventures together and their happy ending; the heroes of the Prequel Trilogy also had good times and accomplishments in their youth, before everything went awry. Rey, Finn and Poe feel like their friendship hardly got started; Rose was almost obliterated from the narrative; and Ben Solo seems to have had only one happy moment in his entire life. Of course it’s terrible that he committed patricide (even if it was under coercion), but Anakin / Vader himself had two happy endings in the Prequel Trilogy before he became the monster we know so well. Not to mention Clone Wars, where he has heroic moments unnumbered.

The Skywalker family is obliterated without Balance in the Force, and the young woman who inherited all doesn’t seem to have learned any lesson from all this. The Original Trilogy became a part of pop culture among other things because its ending was satisfying. We can hardly be expected to be satisfied with an ending where our heroes are all dead and the heir of their worst enemy takes over. What good was the happy ending of the Original Trilogy for if they didn’t learn enough from their misadventures to learn how to protect one single person - their son and nephew, their future?

For a long time, I also thought that the saga was about Good vs. Evil. Watching the prequels again, I came to the conclusion that it is rather about Love vs. War. And now, considering as a whole, I believe it to be essentially Jedi against Skywalker. The ending, as it is now, says that both fractions lost: they annihilated one another, leaving a third party in charge, who believes to be both but actually knows very little about them.

Star Wars and Morality

After 9 films and 42 years, it still is not possible to make the general audience accept that it is wrong to divide people between Good and Evil in the first place. The massive rejection of both prequels and sequels, which have moral grey zones galore, shows it.

It is also not possible without being accused of actual blasphemy in the same fandom, to say the plain truth that no Skywalker ever was a Jedi at heart. As their name says, they’re pilots. Luke was the last and strongest of all Jedi because he always was first and foremost himself. Anakin was crushed by the Jedi’s attempts to stifle his feelings. His grandson, too. A Force-sensitive person ought to have the choice whether they want to be a Jedi or not; they ought not to be taught to suppress their emotions and live only on duty, without really caring for other people; and they ought to grow up feeling in a safe and loving environment, not torn away from their families in infancy, indoctrinated and provided with a light sabre (a deadly weapon) while they’re still small. A Jedi order composed of child soldiers or know-it-all’s does not really help anybody.

The original Star Wars saga was about love and friendship; although many viewers did not want to understand that message. The prequels portrayed the Jedi as detached and arrogant and Anakin Skywalker sympathetically, a huge disappointment for who only accepts stories of the “lonesome cowboy” kind. The Last Jedi was so hated that The Rise of Skywalker backpedaled: sorry, of course you’re right, here you have your “hero who knows everything better and fixes everything for you on a silver platter”. The embarrassing antihero, who saves the girl who was the only person showing him some human compassion, can die miserably in the process and is not even mourned.

Honestly: I was doubtful whether it would be adequate to give Ben Solo a happy ending after the patricide. I guess letting him die was the easiest way out for the authors to escape censorship. (I even wrote this in a review on amazon about The Last Jedi, before I delved deeper into the saga’s themes.) The messages we got now are even worse.

Kylo Ren / Ben Solo

A parent can replace a child if they’re not the way they expect them to be. A victim of lifelong psychical and physical abuse can only find escape in death, whether he damns or redeems himself. An introspective, sensitive young man is a loser no matter how hard he tries either way. A whole family can sacrifice itself to save their heir, he dies anyway.

Rey

Self-righteousness is acceptable as long as you find a scapegoat for your own failings. Overconfidence justifies anything you do. You can’t carve your way as a female child of “nobodies”, you have to descend from someone male and powerful even if that someone is the devil incarnate. You are a “strong female” if you choose to be lonely; you need neither a partner nor friends.

In General

Star Wars is not about individual choices, loyalty, friendship and love, it is a classic Western story with a lonesome cowboy (in this case: cowgirl) at its centre. Satisfied? 

The father-son-relationship between Vader and Luke mirrors the Biblical story of Cain and Abel, saying that whoever we may want to kill is, in truth, our kin, which makes a clear separation in Good and Evil impossible. The “I am your father” scene is so infamous by now that even non-fans are aware of it; but this relationship between evil guy and good guy, as well as the plot turns where the villain saves the hero and that the hero discards his weapon are looked upon rather as weird narrative quirks instead of a moral. 

In  an action movie fan, things are simple: good guy vs. bad guy, the good guy (e.g. James Bond may be a murderer and a misogynist, but that’s ok because he’s cool about it) kills the bad guy, ka-boom, end of story. But Star Wars is a parable, an ambitious project told over decades of cinema, and a multilayered story with recurring themes.

A fairy tale ought to have a moral. The moral of both Original Trilogy and Prequel Trilogy was compassionate love - choose it and you can end a raging conflict, reject it and you will cause it. What was the moral of the Sequel Trilogy? You can be the offspring of the galaxy’s worst terror and display a similar attitude, but pose as a Jedi and kill unnecessarily, and it’s all right; descend from Darth Vader (who himself was a victim long before he became a culprit) and whether you try to become a Jedi trained by Luke Skywalker or a Sith trained by his worst enemy, you will end badly?

Both original and prequel trilogy often showed “good” people making bad choices and the “bad ones” making the right choices. To ensure lasting peace, no Force user ought to be believe that he must choose one side and then stick to it for the rest of his life: both sides need one another. The prequels took 3 films to convey this message, though not saying so openly. The Last Jedi said it out clearly - and the authors almost had their heads ripped off by affronted fans, resulting in The Rise of Skywalker’s fan service. It’s not like Luke, Han and Leia were less heroic in the Sequel Trilogy, on the contrary, they gave everything they had to their respective cause. They were not united, and they were more human than they had once been. Apparently, that’s an affront.

The Jedi are no perfect heroes and know-it-all’s and they never were, the facts are there for everyone to see. Padmé went alone and pregnant to get her husband out of Mustafar - and she almost succeeded - although she knew what he had done and that he was perfectly capable of it (he had told her of the Tusken village massacre himself) because she still saw the good little boy he had been in him; Obi-Wan left him amputated and burning in the lava, although he had raised Anakin like a small brother and the latter had repeatedly saved his life. But Padmé was not a Jedi, so I guess she still had some human decency. Neither Obi-Wan nor Yoda lifted a finger for the oppressed populations of the galaxy during the Empire, waiting instead for Anakin’s son to grow up so they could trick him into committing patricide. Neither Luke nor Leia did anything for their own son and nephew while he became the scourge of the galaxy, damning his soul by committing crime after crime. On Exegol, Rey heard the voices of all Jedi encouraging her to fight Palpatine to death. After that, they left her to die alone, and the alleged “bad guy”, who had already saved her soul from giving in to Palpatine’s lures, had to save her life by giving her his own. The Jedi merely know that “their side” has to win, no matter the cost for anyone’s life, sanity, integrity or happiness.

Excuse me, these are simple facts. How anyone can still believe that the Jedi were super-powerful heroes who always win or all-knowing wizards who are always right is beyond me. Luke, the last and strongest of them, like a bright flickering of light before the ultimate end, showed us that the best of men can fail. There is nothing wrong with that in itself. But it is wrong and utterly frustrating when all of the failure never leads to anything better. If Rey means to rebuild the Jedi order to something better than it was, there was no hint at that whatsoever.

  And What Now?

The Last Jedi hit theatres only 2 years before The Rise of Skywalker, and I can’t imagine that the responsible authors all have forgotten how to make competent work in the meantime; more so considering that Solo or The Mandalorian are solid work. Episode IX is thematically so painfully flat it seems like they wanted us to give up on the saga on purpose. The last instalment of a 42-year-old saga ought to have been the best and most meaningful. I had heard already decades ago that the saga was supposed to have 9 chapters, so I was not among who protested against the sequels thinking that they had been thought up to make what had come before invalid. I naively assumed a larger purpose. But Episode IX only seems to prove these critics perfectly right.

The last of the flesh and blood of the Chosen One is dead without having “finished what his grandfather started”?

Still no Balance in the Force?

And worst of all, Palpatine’s granddaughter taking over, having proven repeatedly that she is not suited for the task?

Sorry, this “ending” is absurd. I have read fanfiction that was better written and more interesting. And, most of all, less depressing. I was counting on a conclusion that showed that the Force has all colours and nuances, and that it’s not limited to the black-and-white view “we against them”. That’s the ending all of us fans would have deserved, instead of catering the daddy issues of the part of the audience who doesn’t want stories other than those of the “lonesome cowboy” kind. I myself grew up on Japanese anime, maybe that’s one of the reasons why I can’t stand guys like James Bond or Batman and why I think you don’t need “a great hero who fixes the situation” but that group spirit and communication are way more important.

It was absolutely unexpected that Disney, the production company whose trademark are happy endings and family stories, would end this beloved and successful saga after almost half a century on such a hollow note. Why tell first a beautiful fairy tale and then leave the audience on a hook for 35 years to continue first with a tragedy (which at least was expected) and then with another (unexpected one)? And this story is supposed to be for children? Like children would understand all of the subtext, and love sad, cautionary tales. Children, as well as the general audience, first of all want to be entertained! No one wants to watch the legendary Skywalker family be obliterated and a Palpatine take over. The sequels were no fun anymore; we’ve been left with another open ending and hardly an explanation about what happened in the 30 years in between. If you want to tell a cautionary tale, you should better warn the general audience beforehand.

The Original Trilogy is so good because it’s entertaining and offers room for thought for who wants to think about its deeper themes, and also leaves enough space for dreams. Same goes for the first two films of the Sequel Trilogy; but precisely the last, which should have wrapped up the saga, leaves us with a bitter aftertaste and dozens of questions marks. 

We as the audience believe that a story, despite the tragic things that happen, must go somewhere; we get invested into the characters, we root for them, we want to see them happy in the end. (The authors of series like Girls, How I Met Your Mother or Game of Thrones ought to be reminded of that, too.) I was in contact with children and teenagers saying that the Sequel Trilogy are “boring”; and many, children or adults, who were devastated by its concluson. There is a difference between wanting to tell a cautionary tale and playing the audience for fools. This trilogy could have become legendary like the Original Trilogy, had it fulfilled its promises instead of “keeping it low” with its last chapter. Who watches a family or fantasy story or a romantic / comedic sitcom wants to escape into another world, not to be hit over his head with a mirror to his own failings, and the ones of the society he’s living in. Messages are all right, but they ought not to go at the cost of the audience’s satisfaction about the about the people and narrative threads they have invested in for years.

This isn’t a family story: but children probably didn’t pester the studios with angry e-mails and twitter messages etc. They simply counted on a redemption arc and happy ending, and they were right, because they’re not as stupid as adults are. I have read and watched many a comment from fans who hate The Last Jedi. Many of these fans couldn’t even pinpoint what their rage was all about, they only proved to be stuck with the original trilogy and unwilling to widen their horizon. But at least their heroes had had their happy ending: The Rise of Skywalker obliterated the successes of all three generations of Skywalkers.

If the film studios wanted to tease us, they’ve excelled. If they expect the general audience to break their heads over the sequels’ metaphysics, they have not learned from the reactions to the prequels that most viewers take these films at face value. Not everybody is elbows-deep in the saga, or willing to research about it for months, and / or insightful enough to see the story’s connections. Which is why many viewers frown at the narrative and believe the Sequel Trilogy was just badly written. This trilogy could have become legendary like the Original Trilogy, had it fulfilled its promises instead of “keeping it low” with its last chapter. As it is now, the whole trilogy is hanging somewhere in the air, with neither a past nor a future to be tied in with.

The prequels already had the flaw of remaining too obscure: most fans are not aware that Anakin had unwillingly killed his wife during the terrible operation that turned him into Darth Vader, sucking her life out of her through the Force: most go by “she died of a broken heart”. So although one scene mirrors the other, it is not likely that most viewers will understand what Rey’s resurrection meant. And: Why did Darth Maul kill Qui-Gon Jinn? What did the Sith want revenge for? Who was behind Shmi’s abduction and torture? Who had placed the order for the production of the clones, and to what purpose? We can imagine or try to reconstruct the answers, but nothing is confirmed by the story itself.

The sequels remained even more in the dark, obfuscating what little explanation we got in The Rise of Skywalker with quick pacing and mind-numbing effects.

Kylo Ren had promised his grandfather that “he would finish what he started”: he did not. Whatever one can say of this last film, it did not bring Balance in the Force. What’s worse, the subject was not even breached. It was hinted at by the mosaic on the floor of the Prime Jedi Temple on Ahch-To, but although Luke and Rey were sitting on its border, they never seemed to see what was right under their noses. It remains inexplicable why it was there for everyone to see in the first place.

We might argue that Ben finished what his grandfather started by killing (or better, causing the death of) the last Jedi, who this one couldn’t kill because he was his own son; but leaving Rey in charge, he helped her finish what her grandfather had started. The irony could hardly be worse.

Episode IX looks like J.J. Abrams simply completed what they started with Episode VII, largely ignoring the next film as if it was always planned to do so. We, the angry and disappointed fans of The Last Jedi, may believe it was due to some of the general audience’s angry backlash, but honestly: the studios aren’t that dumb. They had to know that Episode VIII would be controversial and that many fans would hate it. The furious reactions were largely a disgrace, but no one can make me believe that they were totally unexpected. Nor can anyone convince me that The Rise of Skywalker was merely an answer to the small but very loud part of the audience who hated The Last Jedi: a company with the power and the returns of Disney Lucasfilm does not need to buckle down before some fan’s entitlement and narrowmindedness out of fear of losing money. And if they do, it was foolish to make Rey so perfect that she becomes almost odious, and to let the last of the Skywalker blood die a meaningless death. (Had he saved the Canto Bight children and left them with Rey, at least he would have died with honor; and she, the child left behind by her parents, would have had a task to dedicate herself to.)

The only reason I can find for this odd ending is that it’s meant to prepare the way for Rian Johnson’s new trilogy, which - hopefully - will finally be about Balance. We as the audience don’t know what’s going on behind the doors. Filmmaking is a business like any other, i.e. based on contracts; and I first heard that Rian Johnson had negotiated a trilogy of his own since before Episode VIII hit theatres. Maybe he kept all the rights of intellectual property to his own film, including that he would finish the threads he picked up and close the narrative circles he opened, and only he; and that his alleged working on “something completely different” is deliberately misleading.

Some viewers love the original trilogy, some love the prequels, some like both; but I hardly expect anyone to love the sequel trilogy as a whole. What with the first instalment “letting the past die, killing it if they had to”, the second hinting at a promising future and the third patched on at the very last like some sort of band-aid, it was not coherent. I heard the responsible team for Game of Thrones even dropped their work, producing a dissatisfying, quickly sewn together last season, for this new Star Wars project and thereby disappointing millions of GoT fans; I hope they are aware of the expectations they have loaded upon them. George Lucas’ original trilogy had its faults, but but though there was no social media yet in his time, at least he was still close enough to the audience to give them what they needed, if not necessarily wanted. (Some fans can’t accept that Luke and Leia are siblings to this day, even if honestly, it was the very best plot twist to finish their story in a satisfying way.)

I’m hoping for now that The Last Jedi was not some love bombing directed at the more sentimental viewers but a promise that will be fulfilled. “Wrapping up” a saga by keeping the flattest, least convincing chapter for last is bad form. Star Wars did not become a pop phenomenon by accident, but because the original story was convincing and satisfying. Endings like these will hardly make anyone remember a story fondly, on the contrary, the audience will move to another fandom to forget their disappointment.

On a side note, I like The Mandalorian, exactly for the reason that that is a magical story; not as much as the original trilogy, but at least a little. Of course, I’m glad it was produced. But it’s a small consolation prize after the mess that supposedly wrapped up the original saga after 9 films.

We’re Not Blind, You Know…

- Though Kylo Ren (Ben Solo) has Darth Vader’s stature, his facial features are practically opposite to Vader’s creepy mask. This should have foreshadowed that his life should have gone the other way, instead of more or less repeating itself. - As a villain Kylo was often unconvincing; by all logic he should have been a good father figure. (Besides, Star Wars films or series never work unless there is a strong father or father figure at their center.)

- Like Vader, Kylo Ren was redeemed, but not rehabilitated. Who knows who may find his broken mask somewhere now and, not knowing the truth, promise “I will finish what you started”. - The hand-touching scene on Ahch-To which was visually opposite to Anakin’s and Padmé’s should not have predicted another tragedy but a happy ending for them. - The Canto Bight sequence was announcing reckoning for the weapon industry and freedom for the enslaved children. It also showed how well Finn and Rose fit together. - Rey was a good girl before she started on her adventures. Like Anakin or Luke, she did not need to become a Jedi to be strong or generous or heroic. - Rey summons Palpatine after one year of training. Kylo practically begged for his grandfather’s assistance for years, to no avail. Her potential for darkness is obviously much stronger. - Dark Rey’s light sabre looked like a fork, Kylo’s like a cross. - The last time all Jedi and Sith were obliterated leaving only Luke in charge, things went awry. Now we have a Palpatine masquerading as a Skywalker and believing she’s a Jedi. Rey is a usurper and universally cheered after years of war, like her grandfather. - The broom boy of Canto Bight looked like he was sweeping a stage and announcing “Free the stage, it’s time for us, the children.”

Rey failed in all instances where Luke had proved himself (so much for feminism and her being a Mary Sue): - Luke had forgiven his father despite all the pain he had inflicted on him. She stabbed the „bad guy”, who had repeatedly protected and comforted her, to death. - Luke never asked Vader to help the Rebellion or to turn to the Light Side, he only wanted him back as his father. She assumed that you could make Ben Solo turn, give up the First Order and join the Resistance for her. She thought of her friends and of her own validation, not of him. - Luke had made peace by choosing peace. Rey fought until the bitter end. - Luke had thrown his weapon away before Palpatine. Rey picked up a second weapon. (And both of them weren’t even her own.) - Luke had mourned his dead father. Rey didn’t shed a tear for the man she is bonded to by the Force. - Luke went back to his friends to celebrate the new peace with them. Rey went back letting everyone celebrate her like the one who saved the galaxy on her own, she who were tempted to become the new evil ruler of the galaxy and had to rely on the alleged Bad Guy to save both her soul and her body. - Luke had embodied compassion when Palpatine was all about hatred. Where he chose love and faith in his father, she chose violence and fear. - Luke had briefly fallen prey to the Dark Side but it made him realize that he had no right to judge his father. Rey’s fall to the Dark Side did not make her wiser. - Rey has no change of mind on finding out that she’s Palpatine’s flesh and blood, nor after she has stabbed Kylo. Luke had to face himself on learning that he had almost become a patricide. Rey does not have to face herself: the revelation of her ancestry is cushioned by Luke’s and Leia’s support. Rey is and remains an uncompromising person who hardly learns from her faults.

This is cheating on the audience. And it's not due to feminism or Rey being some sort of “Mary Sue” the way many affronted fans claim. Kylo never was truly a villain, Rey is not a heroine, and this is not a happy ending. The Jedi, with their stuck-up conviction “only we must win”, have failed all over again. The Skywalker family was obliterated leaving their worst enemy in charge.  Rey is supposed to be a “modern” heroine which young girls can take as an example? No, thank you. Not after this last film has made of her. Padmé was a much better role model, combining intelligence with strength and goodness and also female grace. The world does not need entitled female brats.

Bonus: What Made The Rise of Skywalker a Farce

- The Force Awakens was an ok film and The Last Jedi (almost) a masterpiece. The Rise of Skywalker was a cartoon. No wonder a lot of the acting felt and looked wooden. - “I will earn your brother’s light sabre.” She’s holding his father’s sabre. - Kylo in The Last Jedi: “Let the past die. Kill it if, you have to.” Beginning with me? - Rey ends up on Tatooine. - The planet both Anakin and Luke ardently wanted to leave. - Luke had promised his nephew that he would be around for him. - Nope. - Rey had told Ben that she had seen his future. What future was that - “you will be a hero for ten minutes, get a kiss and then die? (And they didn’t even get a love theme.) - “The belonging you seek is not behind you, it is ahead.” On a desert planet with a few ghosts. What of the ocean she used to dream about? - Ben and Rey were both introduced as two intensely lonely people searching for belonging. We learn they are a Force dyad, and then they are torn apart again. - Why was Ben named for Obi-Wan Kenobi in the first place, if they have absolutely nothing in common? - The Throne Room battle scene in The Last Jedi was clearly showing that when they are in balance, Light Side and Dark Side are unbeatable. Why did the so-called “Light Side” have to win again, in The Rise of Skywalker, instead of finding balance? - Luke’s scene on Ahch-To was so ridiculously opposite to his attitude in The Last Jedi that by now I believe he was a fantasy conjectured by her. (Like Ben’s vision of his father.) - Anakin’s voice among the other Jedi’s. - He was a renegade, for Force’s sake. - The kiss between two females. - More fan service, to appease those who pretended that not making Poe and Finn a couple was a sign of homophobia. - We see the Knights of Ren, but we learn absolutely nothing about them or Kylo’s connection with them. - Rose Tico’s invalidation. - A shame after what the actress had gone through because for the fans she was “not Star-Wars-y” (chubby and lively instead of wiry and spitfire). - Finn’s and Rose’s relationship. - Ignored without any explanation. - Finn may or may not be Force-sensitive. - If he is: did he abandon the First Order not due to his own free will but because of some higher willpower? Great. - General Hux was simply obliterated. - In The Force Awakens he was an excellent foil to Kylo Ren; no background story, no humanization for him. - Chewie’s and 3PO’s faked deaths. - Useless additional drama. - The Force Awakens was a bow before the classic trilogy. The Rise of Skywalker kicked its remainders to pieces. - The Prequel Trilogy ended with hope, the Original Trilogy with love. The Sequel Trilogy ends on a blank slate. - “We are what they grow beyond.” The characters of the Sequel Trilogy did not grow beyond the heroes of the Original Trilogy. - The Jedi did not learn from their mistakes and were obliterated. The Skywalker family understood the mistakes they had made too late. Now they’re gone, too.

  P.S. While I was watching The Rise of Skywalker my husband came in asked me since when I like Marvel movies. I said “That’s not a Marvel movie, it’s Star Wars.” I guess that says enough.

P.P.S. For the next trilogy, please at least let the movies hit theatres in May again instead of December. a) It’s tradition for Star Wars films, b) Whatever happens, at least you won’t ruin anyone’s Christmases. Thank you.

#star wars #disney #disney lucasfilm #star wars sequels #the force awakens #the rise of skywalker #rey palpatine #kylo ren #ben solo #reylo #bendemption #luke skywalker #anakin skywalker #darth vader #marvel movies #finn #rose tico #george lucas #obi-wan kenobi #yoda #the mandalorian #rogue one #clone wars #han solo #leia organa #anton chekov #read more #the last jedi #sw

[shimmershae]

My thoughts on Episode 8--For Blood

As always, placed behind a cut for those of you that would rather escape my babbling, lol.  You’re welcome.  

Sadly, I don’t think this is anticipation I feel.  I’m pretty sure it’s dread but okay.  Here we go.  

This episode has to go up from the rock bottom boredom of last week, right?  

Let me preface what I’m about to say with the truth that I in no way hate Maggie.  She’s been with us since Season 2 and I have an emotional attachment to her, mostly due to my love of Glenn and the way he loved her.  She’s not my favorite by any means, but the fact of the matter is, I do like and appreciate her and don’t mind that she is back because it’s nice to have old familiar faces with us to take us into the final season.  That said?  Forcing Maggie front and center after her long absence ultimately, IMHO, has not worked in these first 8 episodes.  I can’t help but feel if ASZ had been the A story with Maggie/Negan and Daryl/Leah/the Reapers the B1 and B2 story?  These episodes would have been better received overall and not feel so much like they’re trying so hard.  Maybe lead me toward the water instead of shoving my head in it next time, Angela?  Hmm?  

Oh goodie.  They’re opening at Meridian.  Should I get my bathroom break out of the way now or give myself an out for later?  Call it Shae’s choice, lol.  

That flicker of a smirk Leah gave to Carver after their mini walk down memory lane had more spark to it than the entirety of her and Daryl’s toxic relationship.  In the future, maybe Angela will lean all in on them instead of Leah and Daryl.  Something tells me Leah knows this “brother” biblically.  

Daryl recognizes Whisperer moves when he sees ‘em.  Somehow, he realizes Maggie and Negan have banded together however reluctantly.  

Pope doing it “Dixon’s” way but not allowing Dixon to do the actual thing shows the level of distrust and paranoia the man still haves for outsiders. 

Look at Daryl chewing his lips with worry for his people.  If he and Leah know each other even a little bit, she has to recognize that as one of his tells.  

Ooohhhh.  Who took the first stab at Wells?  Maggie?  Negan?  Father G?  I swear.  I took my eyes off the “ball” one second and the whole damn play is halfway down the field.  Sorry.  If you cannot tell, I watched football with the fam yesterday, lol.  

The Walking Dead logo didn’t crumble this time.  Interesting.  Parts of it looked like it had been rebuilt.  With brick.  Wood.  Other parts of it looked reclaimed by nature.  Call me crazy, but that almost looks like an eye/part of a face on the first D.  

Okay then.  Babbling nonsense about the logo over, lol.  Tell me.  Please.  Anybody.  How do the events at ASZ line up with the events at Meridian?  Because it’s night and full-blown storming in ASZ and still daylight at Meridian.  But hey.  Thank fuck we’re in ASZ.  

All the babies huddled together giving me feels.  Sorry.  I know some feel they have no place on the show, but I personally enjoy their inclusion from time to time.  It usually plucks hard at my heartstrings.  

Connie tenderly comforting an injured Virgil is sweet, not gonna lie.  

Aww.  Is that Hershel petting a scared RJ’s hair?  Unless it’s a case of me not being able to pick out and place all the little hands, which it most certainly could be, I’m thinking Judith’s got her hand on her knee and that’s Hershel’s hand in RJ’s hair.  Regardless of whose hand is where, it was a sweet little scene.  What can I say?  I’m easy because Baby Glenn and Baby Rick, ya’ll.  

Oh snap.  The windmill’s on fire and pieces of the wall are blowing down main street ASZ like steel tumbleweeds, lol.  

Anybody else having flashbacks to the barn from Season 5?  Good times.  We still had most of Team Family with us then.  They were in a bad place, hurting and lost and just trying to survive--when are they not just trying to survive?--but they were together.  I miss them.  

Carol and Lydia holding each other.  These two, lovelies, have my whole heart.  

Wells is Walker Jerky, Shaw.  Stop wasting your breath.  

“She did.  My enemy.”  I mean, are we supposed to get the impression Maggie’s been a formidable adversary to Pope?  Because she feels more like a roach that simply knows the best rocks to hide under.  Granted, roaches are hard to kill but still.  I’m gonna need them to give us something better than Maggie being Pope’s enemy simply because she didn’t want to give up her home without a fight because this is frankly unbelievable and bordering on stupid.  

Alright.  So they’ve obviously been sowing the seeds of distrust and defiance between Leah and Pope because she doesn’t like losing family but Daryl?  Man?  You and Leah have differing opinions about how family operates.  Trust me on this.  

So.  Three teams, huh?  Aaron fighting the windmill fire, Carol repairing the breach in the wall, Rosita protecting the babies that represent their future.  Choose your fighters, lol.  Seriously, though.  Why do I have the sinking feeling only one group is going to be shown actually doing their thing?  

Listen.  Am I pissed we haven’t gotten the scene we deserve yet between Carol and Connie after all that’s happened and we’re getting crumbs mainly because Angela wrongly feels the Reapers/Maggie & Negan/Daryl & Leah need more focus?  Absolutely.  You bet your sweet asses.  But Melissa fucking McBride just took the crumbs allotted her and made a magnificent, work of art cake out of it trying all on her lonesome to feed us starving Carol fans.  

Bless Connie wanting wanting to go with Carol.  What a show of trust and sister-like solidarity that must have some hate-rotted guts about to turn themselves out.  

I love Kelly and Connie’s sister bond.  No ill will intended, but It takes the good parts of Maggie and Beth and elevates it beyond anything those two ever showed us.  I really feel like that’s a testament to Angel and Lauren’s real life ease with each other.  

Magna choosing to go with Aaron makes me wonder if it’s possible she feels some kind of residual guilt over Connie.  Not guilt for anything she’s actually done, but simply guilt over making it out.  

Virgil volunteering to help.  Okay.  Damn.  I’m honestly starting to like the guy.  

Judith offering to go with her aunt Carol had me all up in my feels.  I mean, granted.  It was a blink and you miss it scene.  We really deserved a longer heart to heart between that little girl and the woman that’s sacrificed so much to keep her safe and loved her for so long, but you know I’ll gobble any and all Judith/Aunt Carol content up.  Seems to me, Little Ass Kicker is just as afraid of letting Aunt Carol out of her sight as Uncle Daryl.  My heart.  

Gracie and Aaron are sweet.  And honestly?  I find them more realistic and true to what normal parents and children would be like in a ZA than Judith and Michonne no matter how much I love that bond.  I mean no disrespect, but I really do.  

“Why am I keeping you around?”  Pope asking the question we’re all wondering.  

Not Apocalypse Popeye comparing Daryl to a stray dog.  Joe from the Claimers already declared Daryl an outside cat that thought he was an indoor cat.  I did have to internally cheer when Daryl was like “I’m ain’t gonna lick it” talking about the helping hand Pope had extended him.  

“Somehow she has turned the dead against the living.  Oh, that’s impressive.”  The thing about Pope respecting Maggie so much as an enemy is I just find it hard to buy, lol.  Like if this had been Carol, yeah.  But Maggie?  Nope.  They’ve mostly shown her (with Gage being the bewildering exception) to be all bark and no bite.  

Has the house in ASZ really become that dilapidated that they can see through its walls?  Because its original owners dodged a bullet if so.  

Look at Grace hero-worshipping Judith.  It’s sweet.  

Virgil telling Judith Michonne would be proud of her is nice but doesn’t feel as earned as if someone like Daryl or Carol that actually knew Michonne well said it.  But maybe that’s the whole point--Judith needs to hear it from someone she knows isn’t going to just say what she wants to hear.  

Call me jaded, it was a touching scene, but also?  It felt designed to allow Judith to move beyond her very normal and realistic feelings of being abandoned by Michonne, even though she gave her the “okay” herself.  Like she’s still a kid.  Wants don’t always line up with feelings.  Anyway.  Cailey continues to be a bright, shining little star and I love how she’s managed to make Judith a true amalgamation of all the people she’s loved who have loved her in return.  Not just Michonne.  I know people like to overlook and cheapen the fact, but it’s taken a village and entire family to raise her from infancy.  

Gracie really should have known better than play in front of the windows during a storm period, but oh well.  Plot point, lol.  

Seriously, though.  I feel like they’ve teased poor Gracie’s demise in a multitude of ways since the beginning of the season.  I hope nothing ultimately comes of it but I fear it will.  All I can say if the worst comes to happen is poor Aaron.  

Where are Negan and Elijah though?  Ouch.  There they are, taking on shrapnel for the cause.  

Ready the what now?  

There’s ASZ’s Baby Sitter Extraordinaire!  Barbara, is it?  That lady’s been putting in the work since Season 5 at least.  

I’ve honestly grown to love Rosita.  More of her and less of Maggie, please and thank you.  

“Let’s stay away from the windows.”  I’m sorry but I had to LMAO at that.  Still a badass moment though.  

Gabe hobbling toward his assigned sentinel.  At least they haven’t forgotten he’s injured like they seemed to forget Daryl was near death last season before the attack on Hilltop, lol.  

“It’s hard to watch something you care about change.”  Listen, Leah.  Chick.  You and Daryl obviously never really knew each other.  It’s always been obvious but I have a feeling “DIxon” is finally going to show you, spoilers or no spoilers.  

WTF are they calling that thing?  Sorry.  I have just as hard a time understanding Pope’s accent as I do Maggie’s sometimes.  

That’s not love that has Daryl telling Leah she can come with him.  That’s care for somebody he used to know.  There is a distinct difference that’s obviously lost on so many.  How can you really and truly love someone you cannot trust?  Especially in Daryl Dixon’s case?

Why does Angela hate us so much?  Giving us all these Reaper scenes and leaving us to simply imagine Carol and Connie and Kelly working side by side to save the wall?  

I think I honestly could have enjoyed this whole Reaper storyline more, at least a little bit anyway, had they not retrofitted a half-assed romance between Daryl and the story’s weakest link and if only they’d made it the B storyline and given earned deference to the goings-on in ASZ instead.  

I wonder if Glenn taught Maggie how to hot write a car?  I miss my baby Glenn.

Apocalypse Popeye is several fries short of a Happy Meal.  What else is new on this show, lol?  

I care for Maggie.  Mostly for nostalgia’s sake and Glenn and Baby Hershel but damn, man.  She’s not actually proven herself got be worth killing your entire “family” for.  But are too far gone, so.  We’ll make allowances.  

I will say at least this episode is not as abysmally biring as last week’s episode.  

Leah finally giving Pope the throat punch he’s been asking for but I’m not fooled she’s on Daryl’s side here.  She’s always been on her own side.  

Look at Father G returning the favor for Maggie saving him in the tower.  Taking Deaver down!  Poor Deaver barely saw the light of day.  

Here comes that woman scorned part.  I can feel it.  

“Pope is dead.  Dixon murdered him.  He’s with the enemy.”  

Please, Angela.  I’m begging you.  Bring Carol into this story and ramp it the fuck up.  You been idling too damn long and the car is fast running outta gas.  

Bitch really has to die to framing Carol’s Pookie.  

Rosita and Lydia and Carol and Connie and Kelly and Magna have literally been holding up this damn show while Angela farts around with the Reapers bullshit.  Honorable mention goes to Aaron but these lovely, badass ladies been putting in the real work and not getting any of the glory.  You just know they’re tired AF.  

Not my babies Lydia and Judith being the cliffhanger!  Oh and Gracie.  Angela?!  A word.  

Listen.  Carol’s already done that fireworks trick.  That Reaper dude owes her royalties.  Granted, it was on a smaller scale but much more impressive for it because she was left to be the sharpshooter.  

Angela has a point.  It is kind of cool how Team Family have learned from their enemies and assimilated their useful points into their own cache of knowledge.  

I truly feel like the Leah/Reaper storyline would have benefitted from a much stronger actress.  Just saying.  

I know Judith annoys some with her precociousness but Cailey just keeps teeing off on what they give her and personally?  I feel she’s so very talented and light years beyond her little acting counterparts so it still works.  

“They’re never gonna choose each other over the people that they’ve loved and fought for because they simply cannot really trust each other.  There’s sort of, like a toxicity at the base of that relationship.”  Straight from Angela’s mouth.  

“At the end of the day, Daryl chose his family.”  Yeah, he did.  That “I belong with you” shit only happened when he felt they were all gone, including the one he loved above all others--Carol.  Fight me.  

Overall impression of the episode?  

On its own, disregarding how much I can’t help resenting how much time I feel has been “wasted” setting this story up, it was much more entertaining than Episode 7 which was only epic in that it was an epic bore.  There was still too much focus on the Reapers when I just just kept wanting to see what was happening at ASZ.  I mean, they cheated us out of Carol and Connie and Kelly working together. Of Aaron and Magna.  Call it personal preference coloring my opinions if you want, but the characters I care about feel like they’ve been shown the backseat for this self-indulgent exploration of Angela’s OC and her version of self-insert FF with Daryl Dixon.  If we can return to Team Family?  The whole Team Family and not just Maggie and Co. against the world?  You’ve got me.  If not?  Well.  You’ll keep losing me by degrees and you don’t want to do that on the final season.  

Anyway.  The ASZ parts were my favorites per usual.  The episode could have used a lot more of those.  

#The Walking Dead #Season 11 #TWD spoilers #things that make me smile and cry #for reasons

[lov3nerdstuff]

Voluptas Noctis Aeternae {Part 7.29}

*Severus Snape x OC*

Summary: It is the year 1983 when the ordinary life of Robin Mitchell takes a drastic turn: she is accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Despite the struggles of being a muggle-born in Slytherin, she soon discovers her passion for Potions, and even manages the impossible: gaining the favor of Severus Snape. Throughout the years, Robin finds that the not quite so ordinary Potions Professor goes from being a brooding stranger to being more than she had ever deemed possible. An ally, a mentor, a friend... and eventually, the person she loves the most. Through adventure, prophecies and the little struggles of daily life in a castle full of mysteries, Robin chooses a path for herself, an unlikely friendship blossoms into something more, and two people abandoned by the world can finally find a home.

General warnings: professor x student, blood, violence, trauma, neglectful families, bullying, cursing

Words: 3.7k

Read Part 1.1 here! All Parts can be found on the Masterlist!

______________________________

The very moment Robin was back inside the castle, every possible doubt about what she was about to do had vanished entirely if it had ever been existent in the first place. On her haste down into the dungeons, people jumped out of her path at the mere sight of the sinister expression on her face, and honestly, she was more grateful than ever that nobody dared to as much as look at her for too long. Sometimes a reputation was a curse, sometimes a saving grace. Right now the latter was the case.

She didn't say a single word when she opened the door to the potions classroom in one swift move. Still stayed silent when she made her way through the rows of desks and students, straight to the front where Snape was working at his desk like always during detention. She didn't need to say a thing, and yet all eyes were on her in an instant. The students' many ones in surprise and nigh intimidation at her mode of entrance, Snape's merely in instant concern. He knew that she wouldn't just show up here, bursting into detention if it wasn't for a matter of utmost importance. So she only looked at him in silent confirmation of what they both knew was happening right now.

"Detention is over. Get out. Now." Snape spoke up with a brief glimpse at his students, in a tone to match Robin's grave expression. Then however his eyes found and never left hers as he rose to his feet in an instant to round the table to come over to her side as if the rest of the world beyond them simply ceased to exist.

"But professor, it's still over an hour until dinner… Are you sure we're allowed to go already?" A young boy, probably a first year, remarked carefully, which earned him a few groans and curses from his peers, and an instantaneous but deathly glare from Snape.

"Question me again and you will spend the entire remainder of this term in detention." He snapped at the boy, then turned to everyone else who had stopped in their tracks or not yet started moving in the first place. "What on earth are you waiting for?! Is there a part of 'get out' you dunderheads failed to understand?"

It took exactly five seconds for the students to rush out the door while the echo of his words still ghosted through the masses of stone. Then, in the very instant the last people had left, the door to the classroom flew shut, was locked and warded in a now long practiced procedure that, to Robin's knowledge, was yet unbreakable. Ever since new year's, they had become more careful with their every step for a multitude of reasons. Morgan being one of them.

"What on earth-..." Snape didn't get further than that before Robin had dropped her backpack and winter robes on the ground and wrapped her arms around him so tightly that her muscles started quivering, urged into this impulsive need for closeness by the sudden and sheer overwhelming realization that she had come way too close to never seeing him again. In the end, it was a gift of fate that they were still here, still together. This thought as well as the hot rush of welling tears it brought along was only quenched when he held her tightly in return, and her composure collapsed once and for all.

Sure, there were more important things to be dealt with right now and Robin had promised herself not to let her emotions get in the way of that, but she couldn't help it anymore. Repression and putting on acts for her own mind only worked for so long. And thus she let herself dwell in his embrace for now, clawing onto him like a lifeline of reality, basking in the comfort and safety she needed now more than ever. The world could wait. It had to.

"Whatever it is, we will be fine." He said after a while of drawing soft patterns on her back, and Robin almost had to smile. She had never told him just how soothing she found that gesture, nor his voice and words of encouragement, but somehow he still had always known anyway. There was no measure for how much she loved him for that, for just knowing. "May I see for myself?"

"Please do. I couldn't logically explain what happened anyway, not even if I tried." She sighed in return without even having to ask what he meant, and then waited for his presence in her mind as she had felt it so often before. It was a truly pleasant procedure at this point, like a gentle caress, like the patterns on her back. And therefore sharing her memories of what had happened brought an immediate and breathtaking relief to her troubled mind as much as his presence did to her soul. The panic faded, the anxiety and sickness made way for reason and even a strong sense of safety. She might not need him to protect her… but she still was more than glad to know that he wouldn't let anything stop him from doing so anyway.

For a while longer neither of them spoke, even once he had seen all there was, all there had been. His hold on her only tightened, and moments later the scratch on her eyebrow started tingling with the warm echo of magic. Perhaps she should ask him to teach her some of those miraculous healing spells… If fights over life and death were to become a normal occurrence in her days now, it might yet prove useful to have some of his tricks up her own sleeves as well. But that would have to wait; for now, she had to get over herself and deal with the more pressing issues. With a deep breath, she pulled back when she finally felt ready to face the world and the worries it brought at last. They could do this. Together, like always.

In the following minutes it in return took Robin quite a bit of convincing to remind Snape that, one, she had won the fight and had come out more or less fine after all, only cold and bruised, and two, that they had agreed that killing Morgan was still not an option. No matter how very tempting the idea was under the current circumstances. Robin did agree with one point though, when Snape said that if it ever came to a moment where it was either Morgan's or Robin's life, he wouldn't waste a second of thought to save her no matter what might be the cost in return. She did agree, even though she knew that it had never been meant as a question in the first place.

Indeed, the thought made Robin smile. He would gladly set the world and skies on fire for her if the opportunity should come, without a single doubt or hesitation, and while that thought should have been at least somehow disconcerting, the unshakable fact only made Robin feel ineffably proud. There had never been such a thing as 'normal' when it came to him and her… They had always been living by extremes. Living through passion for life. And in that intensity, in the way they lived and were going to live, she found her fear replaced by determination.

"I believe to have a lead on Morgan's reasons, to find out what this is all about. A start." She said, and was met with the most attentive, intrigued gaze in return. "Or at least I finally have an idea where to look for one."

"Other than his sheer insanity being reason enough, you mean?"

"Actually, I'm rather sure that he is quite as sane as you and I." Robin sighed, while a half smile found its way onto her lips nonetheless. "But no matter what he is or isn't, we will find out what makes him do what he does and we will put an end to it. In a different way than by killing him. A better one."

"You're terribly rational. As always." Snape replied in a huff, and yet let his fingers trace the outside of her hand in a feathery touch to replace some of the past embrace's comfort. It was remarkable how much better he had gotten with such simple signs of affection over the last few months, even if still ever so subtle. "I wish I had your level of optimism."

"I'm not optimistic, but realistic." Her half smile turned into a full one as she took the opportunity to interlace their fingers in return. "This mess with Morgan has been going on for almost seven years now, and I need it to end on my terms before it ends on his. We have to see to it that it does, and we will."

"Tell me more about your lead then; I must say that neither his words nor your thoughts on the matter made much sense to me."

"They didn't make sense to me either, until I went shopping with Cas and Jorien."

"You almost died, and then you went shopping right after that instead of coming straight back here?"

"Yes?"

"You hate shopping. And you almost died."

"Yes…?"

"I am honestly not sure if I should be impressed or irritated. You really are perfectly impossible."

"Why, thank you!" Robin had to smirk upon his incredulous expression, but soon enough her thoughts and expression went back to business as she tried to put the mess of thoughts into a stringent sentence. "To be honest, I just went shopping because I didn't want to let the girls down, and I hoped it would bring me some diversion from the events I did not even nearly understand at that point. But it was Morgan's words that made me think, and even throughout the hour where I tried to focus on other matters, they never quite left me alone no matter what. To make it short, I have an idea what he could've meant with some of what he said. The part about looking at my being but not me, the earrings and also comparing me to some other person who is me and not me at the same time."

"And?"

"The painting in the room of hidden things." Robin finally got out the very core of her thoughts, of her suspicion, and it didn't take more than that for Snape's mind to visibly halt at her words. "We have to find it and see if the woman who looks like me has earrings or not. Because then Morgan's comments-..."

"Would suddenly make a disconcerting amount of sense." He finished the sentence for her with a deep frown as his thoughts finally caught up with hers. "It still doesn't explain why he does what he does, but it certainly is a starting point indeed."

"The best lead we've ever had. And the only one."

"Then we cannot wait any longer." His tone went from considering to beyond determined. "We should be able to get up to the seventh floor unseen even at the present time, if we make use of the hidden paths in the castle."

"Lead the way then." Robin said with a small but sincere smile, then gave Snape's hand a gentle squeeze and finally let go to take her robes and bag to his office for safekeeping. The classroom was a mere shed in comparison to the fortress of spells that surrounded the office these days, and if today had proven anything to her, it was that she couldn't be careful enough. Not even with her belongings. After all, objects could be cursed just the same, and do perhaps even more damage than a simple one-time spell. She wasn't keen on finding out just how much more.

… … …

They made their way up to the correct seventh floor hallway in a matter of minutes, unseen in the rising darkness of the castle, and it again took only a minute and an illusionment charm to summon the grand door to the room of hidden things. The extraordinary place didn't fail to fascinate Robin even now upon their entrance, and she inevitably had to think back to the last time she had been here. The only time, to be exact, because she hadn't dared returning alone. A lot of things had been easier back then… But she wouldn't want to go back for anything in the world. She couldn't even bear the thought of going back to the torture that was loving from afar.

"Do you remember where the portrait was located?" Snape asked once he had closed the heavy door behind them, and broke Robin out of her marveling and memories. Yes, this reality was far better, no matter what.

"I, uh… I was rather distracted the last time we were in here." She admitted with a small shrug, which made him raise an eyebrow at her. Robin rolled her eyes in return. "I was trying not to jump at you for how close you kept coming to me, if you have to know. So no, I don't remember the path to the portrait."

"Pity." He sighed in feigned disappointment, then merely took her hand again and started walking off in absolute certainty where to go while pulling her along. Of course he knew where the portrait was… Robin had to smile against her will as she couldn't help rolling her eyes again. Insufferable idiot. Her idiot.

In a matter of minutes they reached the mountain of objects Robin very much recognized as the place she had discovered the portrait in nonetheless. The flipped chairs, the pile of pink teacups, the bucket filled with yellowed scrolls. Yes, this was the right spot indeed. But there was no painting anywhere in sight.

"It's gone…" Robin wondered out loud, brows furrowed and the hairs in her neck standing on edge. She hadn't quite considered that people other than them had access to this place as well… other people who might not have her best interest in mind, with the portrait or not. Or who came in here not to hide something, but to hide something that already was in here. The thought made her shudder.

"I can see that." Snape replied flatly, with very much the same irritation colouring his features and occupying his mind. His concern was all the more reason for Robin to feel everything but at ease in this place, even now that their hands were still tightly interlaced. Perhaps they were both scared to part again any time soon. But still, bloody portrait… couldn't anything ever be easy at Hogwarts?! Perhaps this room wasn't such a great place after all. Then again, maybe it only was almost getting killed that had her on edge far more quickly than usual. That explanation for her unease was more likely. Gods, she couldn't even keep her thoughts in line properly.

"Perhaps someone moved it while in the search for something else?" She suggested in an attempt to keep her recently regained calm. This was not a setback, that they hadn't found the portrait where it was supposed to be. It was rather a mystery, a riddle, and those were supposed to have edges and corners. Yes, that made her feel better about the situation. "I know tracing spells don't work in here, but perhaps we could have a quick look around nonetheless?"

"I have a better idea." Snape said with a thoughtful gaze at the spot where the portrait had been. Then – much to Robin's dismay – he let go of her hand and instead made them both move to the side, almost leaning into the next mountain of objects behind them as he went on. "How likely is it that Morgan, the perhaps only professor who has a habit of being constantly short of time, would spend precious minutes every morning and every night, according to his own words, to come here to look at the painting?"

"Unlikely, I should say. Practically impossible."

"Yes. And what does that thereby mean?"

"You just love to make me guess, don't you?"

Snape rolled his eyes, partially at Robin and also partially at himself if she wasn't mistaken, but then answered his own question nonetheless. "It means that he must have taken the portrait elsewhere. Either to his office or his private chambers, I presume."

"Oh bloody hell no…" Robin groaned under her breath, then leaned her head back into her neck for a moment to place that very logical piece of information into her mental puzzle. "I'm afraid you're right, but I still very much hope you're not. The thought-..."

"I know. It concerns me no less."

"Can we do anything to find out for sure before I break into his office for nothing?"

"Before we break into his office. Don't even think that I would let you do any of this alone." He protested immediately in a reproachful scoff, but when his words only made Robin smile ever so slightly, his expression mellowed out in return. "There is no way to be entirely certain about the whereabouts of the painting, seeing as the room's magic to protect its contents is older than the castle itself. We cannot undo it, not even nearly."

"Pity." Robin sighed in a mirror of his own favoured expression, which earned her a not-smirk before he went on.

"What we can do however is to trace a person's movements. If Morgan ever was in here, we should be able to see where precisely he went, which in this case is the next best thing."

"That's bloody brilliant!"

"Don't look so surprised…" He scoffed again, but the not-smirk lingered on even as he worded the according spell. It wasn't an unfamiliar or difficult one, but what made Robin feel both in awe and proud beyond reason was the very idea in the first place. Tracing the person and not the object was such an out-of-the-box approach to the problem at hand that it might as well have come from her own mind. But coming from Snape now, it made Robin realize all over again how much they had grown into each other's ways of thinking over the years. She couldn't help feeling proud of that even in a situation like this.

A mere few seconds later, the ground before them lit up with a straight line of glowing footsteps that came from between the mountains of things from the direction of the door. It led straight to the point where Robin vaguely remembered the portrait to have been, then it took a sharp turn straight back to where it had come from. No detours, no looking around. A straight path here, a straight path back.

"The spell only shows the last time he was here, not possible times before that." Snape explained, and Robin found herself nodding on instinct as her eyes followed the footsteps between the mountains where they disappeared from her sight.

"Yeah, I know…" She mused, frowning to herself once more. Obviously she knew the spell and its specifics, but something entirely else was nagging at her mind again, something she should take notice of but hadn't as of yet. It was terribly irksome.

"Perhaps a summary of the state of affairs might help?" He suggested, and it didn't even come as a surprise to Robin anymore that he knew exactly what was going on in her mind. In more instances than she could count, he just knew indeed.

"Very well, let's see…" Robin mused with a sigh, while they started making their way back towards the exit in a slow saunter. "Morgan wants to kill me. He is not insane, he rather seems to have a reason for what he does. One he doesn't quite agree with, or at least is somewhat troubled by himself. The chance that he can win a duel against me at this point is near non-existent, so his only chance is to catch me by surprise or trickery, like he did today. He would find it easier to kill me if I fought back, but he still doesn't plan to stop trying either way. He cannot stop for some reason, or so he says at least. He wants to kill me, and yet he doesn't want to see me dead."

"He has a twisted obsession with you, whether that be for you as a person or you as a representation of something or someone else." Snape went on in the wake of her words. "He clearly adores you, while yet he has an ineffable hatred for you, which makes him both enjoy and dread seeing you suffer. The obsession with you led him to take the portrait out of this room, which he came to discover by yet unknown factors. He came in here at least once and took the portrait out with him to presumably either his office or his rooms. There he looks at it every morning and every night, as for his statement, because he rarely sees the real you outside of class. Through that or perhaps for other reasons, he has formed some sort of bond with the woman in the painting, which he recognizes to be you and not you at the same time. He wants you to be his, and yet he wants you dead."

"Exactly." Robin sighed again. "That makes so much sense and yet it doesn't make sense at all. It's as if he is two people at once, at war over one thing he is made to do and one thing he wants to do. If you would've asked me a year ago, I would've said it could be an Imperius curse. But after reading the book Dumbledore gave me for my birthday, and you'll know this because we both have read it a gazillion times by now, the curse just doesn't quite fit in with the facts of the case."

"I agree. He is far too aware of himself and his struggle on either end to be cursed. Especially unlikely for an Imperius curse."

"Good… But that also means that nothing fits in with the facts. We have a bunch of new questions, but no answers whatsoever."

"Yet."

______________________________

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