#he was walking a Fine Line with some of those jokes but goddamn some of them had me rolling | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

clericofshadows · 7 months

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don't ask about Ryuusei

Description: Regis Shepard receives an odd invite from Joker, which leads to him falling through a fish tank, being taken care of his lovers, and finding out that there's an identity theft plot against him--all in that order.

Pairing: Regis Shepard/Kaidan Alenko/Zaeed Massani

Rating: M

Word Count: ~14K

Regis was sitting at his desk, scrolling through his terminal when he saw a message from Moreau pop up.

Shepard, I've got a few things I wanted to go over with you. With the Normandy in dry dock, I figured we could meet up at that Ryuusei sushi place down in the Wards. I hear it's the best. Joker

Something was a bit off on the tone of the email, but it wouldn’t be the first time Moreau made EDI type up something for him. He didn’t recognize the name of the restaurant, but the mention of sushi made him pull a face so he searched it up. The first link revealed that it was not only a fancy, high-end sushi place but also housed in a fucking fish tank. He knows how much Regis hates fish. Hell, he was there when Regis boasted about getting the Cerberus crew to remove the eye-sore in his cabin.

So why would he ever suggest Ryuusei over any other restaurant? Regis will go the extra mile for some of his crew, but taking someone out to a fish tank themed restaurant is crossing the damn line.

He pushed the chair away from his desk and stalked back over to the living room. Kaidan made a concerned expression, sensing his anger from a mile away, making room for him on the couch.

“I’m going to murder him,” Regis said, flopping back down on the couch, pulling his omnitool out to show his husbands. “What the hell is this?”

Zaeed looked over his shoulder, squinting his eyes at the omnitool. “Are you sure it’s from him?”

“I’ve scanned it, ran it through my filters. Do you want me to message my friend in infosec? It’s legit,” he replied. “I’ve already looked up the place. It’s a fucking fish tank that only serves sushi and seafood. I’ll pass.”

“Joker’s an ass, but he’s not an idiot,” Kaidan said. Fair point to make. Moreau values his life over jokes when it comes to Regis. Most of the time. “Want us to go with you?”

“I might need some material witnesses, but I’d argue you’re both too damn biased to be of any use,” Regis said, turning to kiss Kaidan on the cheek. “I appreciate the offer, though.”

“That’s what Spectre authorizations are for, right? Abuse your goddamn power. Wipe your slate clean,” Zaeed chuckled. “So, are you going to go?”

“Might as well. What’s the worst that could happen?”

He could get food poisoning again. He was fifteen years old, and his mother took him out to a place on Arcturus known for its seafood. He was sick for days afterwards, his mother somehow escaping from the horror that he felt.

Regis swore off fish in any form since then.

“I could think of a few things,” Kaidan said, furrowing his eyebrows. “You just jinxed us.”

Regis rolled his eyes. “Just be on standby, loves. Hell, why did this place highly recommend formal wear? I rather not waste one of my suits on Moreau.”

“Think of you wearing one of those suits as something we can take off of you later,” Zaeed said, leaning over the couch to whisper in his ear.

Regis smirked, pulling him in for a kiss. “You have good ideas, Massani. Fine, I’ll wear one of my suits. But not my nicest one.”

He got up from the couch. “I’ll be back. Don’t follow me, because I know damn well you’ll make me late.”

“What? We would never,” Kaidan replied, laying his hand on his chest in mock offense.

Regis walked backwards to the stairs. “Bullshit. I can see you two already scheming.”

“Only about tonight, baby,” Zaeed said, curling up next to Kaidan. “We would never sabotage an important meeting.”

Regis stopped at the stairwell, a hand on the railing. He glared at them with narrowed eyes. “Sure,” he said, drawing out the word. “And I’m definitely straight.”

“The horror!” Kaidan chuckled. “Go get ready. We’ll hold down the fort.”

Regis smiled as he walked up the stairs into their bedroom, opening the closet and sorting through his suits. He grabbed a red vest, a black button down, slacks, and a pair of his combat boots. For comfort. He grabbed his silicone wedding rings and placed them on top of each other on his ring finger, keeping the real ones safe on his dog tags hanging in the jewelry box.

He also reached for his holster, designed to fit his N7 Eagle perfectly underneath his shoulder.

Sitting on his weapon bench was one of his visors. A thinner, smaller model turians tend to prefer to use, recently co-opted and refitted for human use. He tucked it in his vest pocket, one of the arms of the visor hanging off the side of his pocket.

Because you never know.

He took his time getting ready, ensuring no piece was out of place. He finished up by finger-combing some product in his hair and rubbing some oil into this beard.

When he walked down the stairs, rolling up his sleeves, revealing his inked arms, Zaeed let out a whistle. Regis rolled his eyes as he stood in front of the couch, twirling around so they could look at his outfit. “Good enough to take off of me later?”

“I don’t know,” Zaeed said, a sparkle in his eye. “This is a picture I want to keep. May just have to worship you with it on, only taking just enough off to make you writhe.”

Regis gave him a look , but he doubted it had much fire behind it. “You are not going to ruin my suit.” Zaeed held up his hands in surrender, keeping that smug expression on his face. Bastard. That’s all Regis is going to think about during the damn meet up.

Dry cleaning does exist…

Kaidan shook his head at Zaeed’s comment. “Do you really need the Eagle?” He asked, pointing at the holster.

“I’m a Spectre. I can open carry,” Regis said, crossing his arms. “Too much?”

“Yes, I know you’re a Spectre.” Kaidan rolled his eyes. Regis stuck out his tongue. “Nah. It suits you. Makes it clear how you feel about the meeting.”

“I’m going to be pissed if I find out this could’ve been a damn email.” Regis said. He stepped forward to kiss the both of them on the cheek. “I’ll be back soon.”

“Try not to kill our pilot. Don’t have many of those that will put up with our crew,” Zaeed called out as Regis opened the door.

He shot him a one-fingered salute in response.

The ride to the restaurant was quick enough. Regis toyed with the rings on his finger, twisting them around. He wasn’t anxious, per se, but he wasn’t exactly looking forward to the meeting.

Mostly because he was going to give Moreau one hell of an earful.

The skycar stopped and he stepped outside, looking at the line of people. As he walked to the end of the line, all eyes on the first Human Spectre and Admiral, the host waved him forward. He sighed and got out of his place in line, stepping onto the fish tank floors, looking down on them with barely disguised annoyance. Moreau waved him over to a table in the back, a grin on his face and wearing a casual blazer and jeans.

Okay, something is weird. Something is definitely up. There’s no way he’ll ever be this enthusiastic about a meeting with Regis. They tolerate each other, and that’s it.

He almost wanted to see if someone was behind him.

He walked over to the table and sat down, lacing his fingers together on the table.

Moreau’s gaze landed on his gun. “Uh, was that really necessary?”

“Oh, you mean this?” Regis pointed at his holster. “I don’t know. Why the hell did you invite me to what I could consider the biggest abomination of a restaurant on the Citadel? You know I would’ve been perfectly fine at a damn noodle stand.”

“Wait a minute, you messaged me . For a second, I thought it was a prank. I mean, hello–” he gestured around. “I know you. This is your personal hell, but maybe you decided to let that all go to celebrate your favorite pilot.”

“My favorite pilot is EDI,” Regis deadpanned, keeping his face neutral as Moreau clutched at his chest in offense. “Shit, so you got a message from me, and I got a message from you… I knew I should’ve involved infosec.”

“You were about to involve infosec? Let me see that message you got,” he replied. Regis obliged, pulling up his omnitool. He read over it quickly. “That’s weird. My message is almost the same, except from you.”

“My filters and scans didn’t pick up any anomalies, so I just assumed you had EDI write and send it like you have a tendency of doing,” Regis replied, shutting it off. “This isn’t good.”

“Hey, she offers! It’s efficiency,” he defended. His gaze fell to something behind him. “Uh, there’s a low-ranking officer in blues trying to get our attention.”

Regis turned around to see a young woman waving desperately to get their attention, clothed in perfect dress blues, hat in place, and shoes shined to perfection.

Almost too perfect, but not uncommon with some of the lower ranks. Wanting to make themselves seem as important as possible, which he couldn’t blame.

Still… This whole situation made him unnerved. Regis got the attention of the host who was trying and nearly failing to hold her back. He made a “come here” motion and the host reluctantly let her through as she stumbled forward.

Another thing bugged him. Kaidan and Zaeed knew he was here. How did she know he was here? Did the press announce it that quickly? Admiral Regis Shepard spotted at Ryuusei, more at 11?

She stopped at their table, holding a datapad, almost sounding out of breath as she introduced himself. “Staff Analyst Maya Brooks. Alliance Intelligence. Com–Admiral Shepard, there are people trying to kill you.”

He’s been an Admiral since the end of the war. Kind of annoying that some people still try to call him Commander.

He and Moreau shared a look. Moreau spoke up. “Uh, yeah, that’s pretty typical for Shepard. What’s new?”

“No, like I’m aware of the remnants of Cerberus and other orgs, but ugh–” she shook her head, looking frustrated with herself. “Someone is hacking into your accounts. Comm channels, personal records… They’re targeting you specifically.”

Regis narrowed his eyes. “I figured that out before you got here. You and your department must’ve dropped the ball. I have my own fucking security, so what the hell is going on?”

She flinched back at his hostility, but something about it looked exaggerated. Perhaps he shouldn’t have been so harsh, but her high energy was getting on his nerves. “We don’t have all the intel yet! And I’m not about to guess when we don’t have all the information.”

Regis made a motion with his hand to continue. “Well, what do you know?”

“Take a breath, Brooks,” Moreau said. “Not like this is a life-or-death situation or anything.”

At that moment, out of the corner of his eye, he caught a lot of movement from the entrance. With a hand on his gun, Regis watched as a whole group of armored, armed mercenaries started pouring in, pushing the host aside.

Shit.

Regis made no move just yet, not wanting to draw too much attention to himself. He readied his Tech Armor on his omnitool, ready to flash-forge it over his body.

It’s a good thing he didn’t wear his best suit. He had a feeling it wasn’t going to survive this trip.

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! Tonight's performance is brought to you by random acts of violence,” one of the mercs announced, presumably the captain. At his word, his fellow mercs started shooting in the air, causing chaos and throwing up tables, causing the civilians to scatter and cower in fear. They shot at the glass, and Regis put on his visor as he got up, shielding Moreau from the fire and using the table as a make-shift shield.

As the visor calibrated, he noticed that the structural integrity of the building was severely compromised. You would've thought that an expensive restaurant would spring for the best glass for their precious fish.

He was going to leave a one-star review if he gets out of this mess.

“Spread out boys! Find me Shepard!” the captain announced.

Regis pushed Moreau down, keeping an eye on the analyst. He drew his gun and activated his omnitool, typing out an SOS to Zaeed and Kaidan.

Need help. Suit up fast. Ryuusei.

The message lagged a bit before eventually sending. Shit, they’re jamming comms too? He sent it just in time, but the warning signs on his visor weren’t helping with all the chaos on the tanks.

A fish restaurant is not going to kill him today.

“Stay there,” he ordered Brooks. “Moreau?” He asked, turning to him, looking him over with a concerned eye. “Are you okay?”

“Ow, my pancreas,” he groaned, clutching his side. “I’m fine. More durable than you think.”

Regis rolled his eyes, about to move forward, but a merc came forward and yanked Brooks out of her cover. She stumbled as they dragged her across the floor. “Goddamn it,” Regis muttered.

“Listen,” he said, getting Moreau’s attention. “I’m going to go after her. I’ve already sent word to Kaidan and Zaeed but rally the crew.”

“Rally the crew and your crazy husbands, got it,” he said, slowly getting up from the cover.

Regis smirked and kept an eye on Moreau, waiting for a trooper to try and get the obvious bait, holstering his Eagle. And then, one shouted. “Hey!”

Regis reached up and yanked the merc over his cover, flash-forging his omni-blade and sinking it in his chest with a growl.

He took the weapon off the corpse, not recognizing it as anything currently on the market, much less the Spectre market. Lightweight, suppressed, and human made.

Interesting.

“You used me as bait!” Moreau accused.

“Yes, I did. Now get the hell out of here!” Regis replied, twisting his fingers into a barrier, feeling the dark energy settle over him. He forged his Tech Armor as well, trying to provide as much protection on him as possible before leaving the compromised position.

Regis peaked around the corner, aiming with the new pistol and headshotting the nearest merc, watching in satisfaction as they collapsed to the ground. The gun barely made a sound, low enough to not be immediately detected as a gunshot.

Well, his Eagle is going to be useless. Damn. His favorite gun is already overshadowed by some new black-market tech.

He crept forward, gathering dark energy in one hand, twisting it into a Reave, tossing it at the nearest merc. The merc panicked, making him a perfect target. Pull the trigger, and then-–dead.

Regis prepped an overload on his omnitool, using his eye-tracking software to pinpoint the group of mercs near the bar, creeping towards his location. In a flash of red, he overloaded their shields in a rain of sparks, making them vulnerable to a blast of dark energy. He teased the energy in his palm, twisting his fingers to point forwards into a shockwave. The energy pulsed on the ground before blowing up in their faces, knocked out by the force of the blast.

“I’m over here!” Brooks called out. Shit. Another merc turned towards his direction, walking away from his position at the bar. Can she not read the fucking room?

Regis reloaded the pistol, grabbing a fresh heat sink from the ground and vaulting over the bar. He rushed towards the merc, detonating his tech armor with a clench of his fist, causing them to stagger. He forged another omni blade and stabbed it through the helmet, ripping it away in a spray of blood.

There definitely goes his suit.

Brooks was lying on the glass in front of the entrance. He ran towards her, gunning down the merc guarding the entrance. He slid down to her. Holding out a hand, he helped her up, her grip very tight. “You alright?” Regis asked, brushing off his vest, stuffing the new gun in his other holster. “Come on, we need to–”

He heard the sound of jet-propelled armor, and then a flash of red. She pushed him out of the way, Brooks took the shot meant for him, clipping her side.

Regis gritted his teeth as he moved to get up, winded by the way he fell on his back. The merc continued to fire around him, missing every shot, hitting the glass…

Well, shit. His visor flashed with warnings, the glass started to creak ominously, and then–

The glass shattered.

Regis cried out, reaching deep within the gravity well to start to slow his fall, but it failed, a spike of pain coming from his neck. He blindly reached for something, anything to grab onto. His hand slipped on the neon sign, the panels shattering with his weight until he stopped at the very end, his hand covered in cuts and starting to sting with the saltwater raining from above.

Slowly, carefully, he raised himself up, cringing at the pain radiating up from his hands and bare arms.

How the hell is he going to get out of this?

He started to try and climb up more, but then it started to creak. He widened his eyes as the sigh failed to support his weight, and he fell with a shout, rolling down the glass windows.

Reaching out for more purchase, his grip landed up an open window, and he was dangling once more. No time to think, no time to do anything as he looked up and saw more glass and remnants of the sign raining down.

He took a breath and let go of the open window, sliding and rolling down the wall until he landed on a solid platform.

Water still rained down on top of him as he slowly rose up, clutching his side and looking over his body. His hands were shredded and covered in blood. His arms were marred with cuts. He was soaked and smelling like fish.

Sure, he’s been through hell many times. But somehow the fish part made this encounter part of his worst.

With a pained sigh, he activated his omnitool and cursed at his low level of medigel, barely enough to seal the worst of the cuts on his hand. He applied it gently to his hands, ripping off parts of his dress pants to create a crude bandage.

It will be enough for now.

He glanced at his visor’s HUD, noticing that his amp was overloaded. Shit. No wonder he couldn’t levitate down.

He’ll need a new replacement, stat.

A flick of his wrist, and his omnitool reactivated. He searched through the comm feeds, only picking up on a local one. All others were still blocked, no way to get a message through to any of his crew.

He reached for the suppressed pistol, looking around to try and get his bearings.

“Admiral! I found a secure terminal. Are you okay down there?” Of all the people that are able to reach out to him.

“Yeah, feeling peachy.” No, he’s not okay. Not about to admit that to her.

He made his way through the scaffolding, jumping over to the next platform and sliding down the ladder. “Didn’t you get hit?” He asked, making conversation.

“Yup! I used a lot of medigel. Too much of it, maybe. Everything is a bit… bouncy?” She sounded very chipper, almost manic.

“You used too much,” he confirmed absentmindedly, jumping over to another set of platforms and sliding down another ladder, wincing at the contact with his abused hands. “Alert C-Sec. I’m looking for a way out.”

She didn’t immediately reply, and Regis was almost thankful for it. His gaze landed on a skycar lot across the street, selling top of the line models. A skycar took off from the landing pad. “I see a lot and a landing pad. Cision Motors.”

“Yeah, I see it!”

“Good. Get a shuttle there ASAP,” he ordered as he made his way down, finding himself in front of a freezer storage of some sort.

“So, um, it turns out that C-Sec has the whole area locked down. It’s going to be tricky to get a shuttle down there.”

Great. Regis made his way through the freezer, rubbing his arms at the sudden chill. “Well, keep at it and find a fucking solution!” He glanced back down at his omnitool, seeing two comm requests pop up. He read through their signatures and pushed them through, recognizing his husbands’ sigs from a mile away.

Finally. Some real help.

“Oh, and you should stay off your comm. Except for me! Because it’s hacked. And that’s how they found you.” Ain’t that convenient. He ignored her, climbing up the ladder and nodding at the salarian taking a smoke break, who barely spared him a glance.

“Do you even know who these mercs are?” He asked, hoping she had something to give him.

“No. They really don’t seem to like you!”

“That’s real helpful, Brooks. Thanks for that very astute observation,” Regis growled out, crouching down at the top of the building.

Why is it taking so damn long for their comms to get through? He glanced back down at his omnitool and pushed them through again, changing the security on the fly so they could patch into Brooks’ comm instead of his own.

If she complains about it, he’s muting her.

He leapt from building to building until he stopped at one at the edge of the market, seeing a group of the same mercs patrolling around. Shit.

Without his biotics, this wasn’t going to be fun. His visor helpfully outputted that the temp of his amp had gone down, but diagnostics were still too volatile for him to risk it.

“Regis! Can you hear me?” Kaidan’s voice appeared, and Regis relaxed minutely.

“Yes, love. Loud and clear. Zaeed got routed in, too?” Regis replied with a relieved smile, still perched on the top of the building, scanning the area before dropping down quietly, crouching down behind a random stall.

“Of course. We’re on foot, but close. Goddamn, can we ever have a peaceful leave?” Zaeed said.

Regis was looking forward to them peeling his suit off of him. Now all he wanted to do is soak in that hot tub and never come out.

“Joker let us know what happened. Did you really use him as bait?” Kaidan chuckled.

“Excuse me, who is this? You’re on an unsecured channel, and you are putting Admiral Shepard in danger!” Brooks yelled out. Regis shook his head and shot at the nearest merc, watching him collapse to the ground in a satisfying crumble.

“And who the hell are you?” Zaeed cut in. “Not like we have a lot of options here.”

Regis ignored the conversation as he summoned a drone, directing it to distract the mercs heading towards the body.

As they focused on the drone, he detonated it, overloading their shields and making them vulnerable to a few well-placed shots. Well, if they aren’t going to introduce themselves, he might as well do it. Not like he’s fighting for his life here or anything.

“Zaeed, Kaidan, this is Staff Analyst Brooks. Brooks, these are my husbands, Zaeed and Kaidan. Not the type to be putting me in danger,” Regis explained as he crept through the alleyway, keeping an eye on any other mercs. “Play nice, because I’m in the middle of something here.”

“As if you ever play nice,” Kaidan said with a barely disguised snort. “Can you send me your diag?”

Regis sent the outputs through the comm, hoping there was enough bandwidth to handle the data transfer. Luckily, it went through, and Regis rolled over to the nearest stand, aiming for the next group of mercs with another primed and ready overload.

“We’ll make sure to call Vik so they can get you checked out.” Regis could hear his wince across the comm. Yeah, he knew they weren’t great, but Kaidan was the most knowledgeable about bio-feeds.

The fact that he’s favoring Vik over Chakwas is signal enough that his amp problem is something serious. Great. Just like he thought but hoped he interpreted incorrectly.

He fired off the overload, taking down the second group with precision, disposing of the smoking heat sink and scooping up another off of the corpses.

“Just my amp. Can easily be replaced. I’ll be fine,” Regis said, checking his program cooldowns before switching over to the cryo freeze, firing it off at a sniper who was getting set up at the back counter.

He took a deep breath and continued forward, starting to feel weary. His hands and arms ached, and he was sure he was going to be a massive bruise by tomorrow.

Keep pressing forward, Regis. It’s this or death.

At the end of the street was a locked door. He glanced at the security and pushed through his Spectre credentials, the door opening and confirming his status.

“I’m almost at the lot. Just have a few more mercs I need to fight through,” Regis said, crouching behind an elegant potted plant. “Unless any of you are close enough to go ahead and save my ass?”

“Almost there!” Kaidan said. “Hold out a bit longer.”

“You say that like it’s easy,” he muttered, temporarily muting himself. He unmuted, “Glad to hear!”

He summoned his drone again and drew some of the mercs towards him. His hands started to shake as he raised up the pistol. Shit. He needs to get out of here, fast.

His first shot went wide, but the next hit home, taking down one of the mercs as the other shot at his drone.

He ordered the drone to shock the merc in a blast of sparks, finishing them off with another bullet. Only a few more to go.

He glanced at his diags again, seeing the output of his amp improving. Normally, he wouldn’t do this, but this is not a normal situation. He flicked his fingers into a singularity, feeling his corona roar to life before tossing it at the group of mercs waiting at the entrance to the skycar lot.

“Admiral! There’s a C-Sec shuttle inbound if you can get to the car lot,” Brooks announced.

“Got it,” Regis said, trying to keep his voice steady.

He’s going to pay for that later with one hell of a migraine.

Worth it to stay alive.

He grabbed some more clips and holstered the suppressed pistol, noticing a M-11 on the side. He traded it out for his Eagle, not caring for stealth at the moment, although he noticed that the gun pierced through armor like no other, almost like a mini Widow.

As he walked into the lot, he saw Kaidan holding a group of mercs in the air with his biotics, his corona burning blue. Zaeed had his Widow out, sniping the heads of the mercs before Kaidan threw them against the wall in a blast of dark energy.

Regis holstered his gun as Kaidan walked towards him, his corona slowly dissipating. To his immense pleasure both Zaeed and Kaidan opted to wear their matching long coats and infiltration style gear, Kaidan’s blue duster marked with the Spectre logo.

Kaidan’s expression morphed into one of concern as he got a better look at him, gaze falling on his hands. “What happened?”

“Fell through a fucking fish tank,” he replied, opening his arms for a hug. Kaidan hugged him back, and Regis let Kaidan support him as Zaeed prepped some medigel.

“And your amp?” Zaeed asked after they broke apart, clasping Regis on the shoulder. “I still want to take that suit off of you.” Kaidan rolled his eyes, shaking his head at his husband.

“Me too, so we can burn it later.” Regis sat down on the curb, taking a breath. “My amp needs to be replaced. It’s better than what it was, but I don’t trust it right now.”

“We’ll be calling Vik the moment we get back to the apartment,” Kaidan said with a nod, sitting down beside him. “Now be honest. Scale of one to ten.”

Regis closed his eyes. “Five, maybe six? That fall fucked me up. Only came out of it unscathed as it did probably due to Cerberus’s enhancements.”

Zaeed activated his Kuwashii visor and performed a scan of his own, kneeling down, starting to administer some medigel to the more superficial wounds. “Don’t see anything too abnormal, but I’m no medic. Your goddamn amp is still going crazy.”

“I may have used some biotics even after it threw a warning,” Regis admitted.

Kaidan gave him a hard look, but it was softened by the concern still written on his face. “Don’t use any more until we can get you checked out. Are your programs still running at optimal levels?”

Regis gave him a hard look of his own. “You know who you’re talking to, right?” He stood up and forged his tech armor. “No issues at all.”

“Then stick to them,” Kaidan said with a pointed look, checking over his N7 Valkyrie.

Zaeed stepped in between them. “Love the foreplay. Let’s get out of here? Landing pad is beyond a locked gate, maybe we should find a way to open it so we can get on with it?”

“Oh, I’m sure you want us to get on with it,” Kaidan muttered.

Regis rolled his eyes and stalked over to the set of offices where there was likely some sort of master lock to unlock the gates. They followed him as he activated his omnitool, priming it to overload the door. “Stand back.”

Kaidan slowly lowered his raised arm. “Just a minute, love.” He moved to knock on the window, and Regis noticed a volus sitting underneath the window. Ah.

“Would’ve been faster if you let him destroy the damn lock,” Zaeed said, gesturing with the Widow. “Hell, I could’ve blasted it off for you.”

Kaidan ignored them both. “Could you unlock the gate?”

With a mechanical sound, the gates lowered into the floor. “Thanks.” Kaidan said, walking past both of them with a smirk on his face.

“Well, I could’ve done that ,” Regis muttered, following close behind him.

“Boring. We could've been out of here by now if you hadn’t played nice,” Zaeed said, clapping him on the back.

“Isn’t that what you love about me?” Kaidan shot back, walking backwards towards the landing pad. “We need someone in this relationship who doesn’t immediately resort to violence.”

“There’s a key word in that sentence, love,” Regis teased. “‘Immediately.’”

As they made it to the landing pad, they saw a C-Sec shuttle flying towards them. Regis lowered his gun, raising up an arm to shield his face as the shuttle started to lower. The shuttle door opened, and he caught the flash of a turret. Shit. Nothing is ever easy.

“Get down!” Kaidan ordered, summoning up a biotic bubble as the mercs opened fire, bullets stopping in the wake of the dark energy surrounding them. Zaeed pushed them both behind the lot’s sign, throwing off a bundle of Inferno grenades to cover them before ducking into the bubble.

Kaidan let the bubble go, conserving his energy. They all shared a look, looking at each other first before glancing back at the shuttle, looking for a way out.

And then, the sound of glass shattering and the distinct sound of a krogan war cry came out of nowhere. Regis glanced at his diags to make sure he hadn’t fallen into shock.

“Is that–fucking hell…” Zaeed said in growing awe as the sound of an engine blowing up filled the air. “Good goddamn timing.”

The shuttle crashed to the ground and Regis risked a glance around the sign, seeing Wrex pummeling the mercs without breaking a sweat, headbutting and pushing them around before tossing one unlucky bastard out the back door.

“Just to make it clear, Wrex was not one of the people we informed,” Kaidan said, walking out of cover.

Wrex walked towards them calmly after kicking another merc out of the shuttle. “Maybe you should’ve, Alenko. Almost missed all the fun!”

Wrex pulled a minigun from a corpse and tossed it to Regis, who caught it with a grin. “Glad to have you here. So, what exactly are you doing here anyway?” Regis asked.

“Butting heads with the Council over krogan expansion,” he said. “Shepard, you should take up the human council position! We’ll have someone who could have our backs.”

Regis shuddered at the thought. “Respectfully Wrex, that’s going to be a hell-fucking-no.”

“Ah, what a shame. I get it though.” Wrex nodded at Zaeed who did the same in response.

Regis looked over the minigun as an explosion rocked the area, coming from inside the building. He sighed, shaking his head. “Wrex, you with me?”

“Always, my friend. Now, stay back. You’re too squishy in that outfit of yours,” Wrex said, priming his shotgun.

Mercs poured in from the ceiling, jumping down and ready for a fight. Two biotics–well, technically one at the moment–one krogan, and one pissed-off merc versus a whole company of mercs.

Yeah, that sounds about right.

Regis dashed over to the nearest cover, which was yet another sign advertising the business.

“So, we got a way out of here?” Wrex asked as he lifted a whole group of mecs for Zaeed to snipe.

“Of course we do. We’re goddamn professionals,” Zaeed replied, picking them off one by one.

“That’s not a yes, love!” Kaidan called out, throwing out a quick overload to take down an engineer about to set up a turret. Regis sent out his drone to assist, despite being low on resources. He tested the gun and took down a group of mercs advancing towards him, mowing them down without much effort.

He’s still going to mostly sit this one out. He’s not an idiot.

“Admiral!” Moreau’s voice filled the comm. “We’re on our way. I picked up Brooks. Figured you have a few questions.”

Sure, but not right at this minute. “Maybe later. By the way, that shuttle you sent? The C-Sec shuttle wasn’t C-Sec, it was filled with a bunch of mercs. So please, hurry up,” Regis replied, taking out a few enemy drones heading towards him with precision.

“What?!” Brooks asked with an exaggerated inquiring tone.

“You heard me,” Regis growled out, taking a breath as he replenished his tech armor.

“Right, sorry. We’ll be there soon!”

Regis started to feel a little bad for being so hostile, but something about her was rubbing him the wrong way. No one can be that damn chipper.

“Great place to fight in. Lots to destroy!” Wrex announced and the tell-tale sound of glass shattering filled the air. Zaeed shouted with glee as he fired off something explosive. Kaidan started to fall back, heading to Regis’s position.

Regis shook his head but was grinning all the same. Yeah, he missed this kind of action, not getting up to much of it post-war, clearing out Cerberus stations and herding survivors, working to scout the galaxy and continue looking for more history.

“Approaching your position, Admiral. Just following the gunfire,” Moreau chuckled. “Sorry it’s taking a while. Had to take the scenic route.”

“Copy that,” Regis acknowledged. He prepped another overload as a sniper tried to sneak up on him, their cloak revealed by his visor. No match for his technology. He fired it off, paying little mind to the arguing going on the comm. Brooks started yelling at Moreau for nearly crashing multiple times.

If it gets them here faster, Regis didn’t care how they did it.

“Hey, Shepard, get to the shuttle!” Moreau announced as the sounds of whirring engines grew louder and louder.

Kaidan yelled. “Fall back!” Starting to provide cover fire, he extended his barrier so that it would also envelop Regis, the blue dark energy surrounding him in a protective field.

Moreau maneuvered the shuttle so it was hovering just above the ground. Wrex charged towards the shuttle, throwing a set of Warp grenades behind him that exploded in a flurry of blue and red before jumping aboard. Zaeed was close behind, jumping on and holding out an arm. Regis grabbed onto him, and Zaeed pulled him close, holding onto Regis tightly as he stumbled forward.

Kaidan jumped aboard once everyone was secure and Moreau shut the shuttle door, halting the path of gunfire.

He took off in a burst of speed that was definitely illegal for this sector of the Citadel, the sounds of gunfire slowly quietening down.

Regis clung to Zaeed as they headed back to safety in silence, Kaidan watching them with a concerned eye. Even Wrex looked worried, leaning against the back wall of the shuttle.

“Vik’s meeting us at the apartment,” Kaidan said, breaking the silence. “Finally got the comms through.”

“Thanks. Adrian coming too?” Regis asked, trying to keep the exhaustion from creeping into his tone.

“Nah, just them. Figured you wanted a quiet apartment when we get home,” Kaidan replied.

Regis nodded in response, Zaeed rubbing circles into his back. “We’ll be home soon, babe. Ready to jump in that tub? You smell like shit.”

Regis couldn’t help but laugh. “I’m well aware.”

Before they entered the apartment, Wrex asked, “Someone want to tell me what’s going on here?”

Kaidan stepped between him and Regis. “After we get cleaned up.”

“But it’s important we stop the threat now!” Brooks said, moving past to try and get into the apartment.

“And it can wait until I get my damn amp replaced,” Regis said, blocking her from moving any further. “Get the rest of the crew up to speed. A few hours isn’t going to make any difference.”

“Come on, Brooks,” Moreau said, motioning for her to follow, meeting his gaze with a nod. “We’ll meet with the crew down on the strip.”

Wrex stayed behind as Moreau more or less started dragging Brooks with him. The moment they stepped into the elevator, Wrex motioned at the door. “Want me to keep an eye on your place as you take a breather?”

“That would be great,” Regis said, relieved. “I’m expecting Vik, remember them?”

“Sure do. I’ll make sure that only they get in for you.”

“Much appreciated, Wrex,” Zaeed said, shaking his hand.

“Anything for you. Try not to get too distracted with each other,” he laughed.

Kaidan rolled his eyes as he unlocked the door. “I make no promises to that.”

His laughter filled the air as they walked into the apartment, only quietening down after the door was closed.

Safe in the apartment, Regis started to pull off his ruined suit, tossing both his Eagle and the mystery M-11 on the coffee table. Kaidan moved in to help him, batting his hands away as he unbuttoned the silk shirt, gently pulling it off of him to not disturb the healing skin. Some bruises had already started to form, coloring his chest in a mass of purple. Regis winced as Kaidan ran a gentle hand down his chest, feeling for any abnormalities. “Let’s take the rest of this upstairs.”

Regis looked over at the stairway with hesitation. “Is it too much to ask for one of you to carry me?”

“‘Course not,” Zaeed said. “But before I pick you up, don’t play the strong Admiral. How are you really feeling right now?”

“Terrible,” Regis said with a sigh, sitting down on the couch despite his ruined pants. He kicked off his boots. “Neither one of you want to know how close I was to falling to my damn death back there.”

“Joker let us know. He caught a glimpse of the hole,” Kaidan said quietly, pressing a gentle kiss on the pulse point of his neck. “But you’re here now, and that’s all that matters.”

“I felt so helpless,” he admitted, looking down at his knees. “When my amp failed, I thought that this was it, no way out. Too damn lucky that I caught my hand on a sign and then on an open window after the sign broke.” He shook his head. “If any of the crew even thinks about joking about what happened…” he trailed off with a yawn, his unspoken threat losing steam. “You get the idea.”

“Most of the crew has a good head on their shoulders. Doubt they’ll risk your ire,” Zaeed said, taking off his gloves and tossing them on the couch, shrugging off his duster. “Ready?”

Regis nodded and allowed himself to be picked up into a bridal carry, cradled close to Zaeed’s chest as they walked upstairs. He could’ve made the trip, honestly.

But he wanted to be taken care of, and he was glad they picked up on that. He hadn’t felt so vulnerable in a long time, and he hated that he was put into that position.

Especially in front of an officer he knows nothing about.

Zaeed put him down in front of the bathroom and Regis pressed a kiss on the corner of his lip before stripping down, throwing the ruined and torn pants into a corner of the room. Kaidan had followed them inside their bedroom, stopping in the doorway. “I’m going to wait for Vik downstairs and start looking into this mess in the Spectre channels. Need me for anything?” Kaidan asked.

“I think we have it handled, babe,” Zaeed replied. “But don’t get too deep into it right now.”

Kaidan smiled. “I make no promises, love. Now relax and get better, Regis. Take all the time you need.”

“Don’t worry, I definitely will,” Regis said, pulling off his underwear and slipping inside the hottub with a groan. He felt both their gazes on him as he sunk into the water, dunking his head to get his hair wet and to start to scrub out the grime from the day.

“If you’re going to look at me, join me,” he said, pointing at them both.

Kaidan chuckled once Zaeed started to strip the rest of his leathers down, pulling off the reinforced fibers with quick precision. Regis watched as Kaidan leaned in to kiss Zaeed on the lips, cupping his head and pulling him close, pulling away just before it got heated. Zaeed almost seemed to chase after Kaidan, wanting more as he walked away from the bedroom.

Regis thought they all needed some quiet reassurance.

Zaeed tugged off his underwear and joined him in the tub. Regis raised up and Zaeed settled behind him, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him in close against his soft chest. He sighed, closing his eyes and relaxing into the embrace.

Zaeed grabbed Regis’s favorite shampoo and started to lather it into his hair, massaging Regis’s scalp with expert hands. He allowed himself to be pampered, to be taken care of.

A ritual they do if a mission almost went south. When they knew it was life or death.

They knew the score. So called “old” soldiers and mercs have been at it for too long and yet none of them want to leave.

Moments like this, however, reminded them what danger still lurked, how easy one of them could be taken away.

When Zaeed was done with his hair, Regis took a second to wash out the suds. About to grab the bottle to do the same for him, Zaeed batted his hand away, pushed the shampoo further away from him, and instead reached for the citrus scented conditioner. “You can take care of me later.”

Regis only hummed in response, relaxing even more as he started to work the conditioner into his hair, expertly applying it to his curls and combing out tangles with his fingers, making perfect little coils as he went along.

Maybe he’ll keep his eyes closed. Yeah, that felt nice. The sensation of being taken care of along with the repetitive sounds of the jets in the tub lulled him to sleep, allowing himself to relax fully knowing he was safe in the arms of a man he loved.

“Regis?”

His eyes popped open and he realized he wasn’t in the tub anymore as he raised up quickly, finding himself clothed in loose joggers and resting on their bed with a knitted blanket wrapped around him.

Was he really asleep for that long?

He rubbed at his eyes and noticed that the cuts on his body were nearly healed by the medigel, but the remnants of the heavy bruising still remained. It’s going to take a couple of applications to get rid of that, and Regis preferred healing things like that naturally, not liking the feeling of medigel unless it was necessary.

Kaidan had changed into a blue sweater and jeans, sleeves rolled up. “You fell asleep on Zaeed. He cleaned you up and got you tucked in. Only been about thirty, forty-five minutes.”

Looking around the room, he saw no sign of Zaeed. “Took care of me and bailed?” he chuckled.

“He’s out there with Vik and Ash. She wasn’t about to let Wrex stop her from checking up on you,” he explained.

Ah, Ash is here too? Great. He wanted to hear her thoughts on this mess before his apartment becomes home base for whatever the hell is going on.

“Good. Go ahead and send them up for me. And can you hand me one of my sweaters?” He asked.

“Of course, love. One of your off the shoulder ones?” He replied, opening one of the drawers after typing a quick message on his omnitool.

“Yeah. Vik needs easy access to my port. Are you going to get yours checked out while they’re here?” Regis asked after Kaidan handed him the sweater.

“Nah, they already ran some basic diags. All my outputs are good, so they’re not worried. We use different amps anyway.”

“Knew I shouldn’t have tried that fucking Savant. Work well but get pissy if you mod them,” Regis muttered as he pulled on the black, loose sweater.

“You modded a Savant?” Kaidan shook his head. “I doubt the Serrice Council will take kindly to that. Reason number one why I don’t use their stuff. Too damn regulated.”

“Hey, they have great outputs that are even better if you overclock them,” Regis defended. It’s not that he liked the Savants, but rather he enjoyed beating them down into submission.

“And that’s why I stick to HMBA. Modifiable, open source to Spectres, and I’m not breaking any terms of service in the process,” Kaidan said with a pointed look.

“Regis, my darling, you know how much I hate the Savant line,” Vik said as they entered the room, carrying a case full of their supplies. “If you’re going to go crazy, use one of my Armali mods if you must.”

“Armali has shitty power output,” Regis said, crossing his arms.

“Which is why I modded them,” they repeated. “I even have a license in order to do so.”

“Don’t argue with the doc, Regis,” Ashley said, leaning against the doorway. “We need to get you back out there so we can deal with the bastards who decided to target you.”

Regis rolled his eyes. “Good to see you too, Ash. Keeping my crew in check?”

“Only had to shut down a few who thought it was unfortunate you destroyed their favorite restaurant.”

“Thanks,” he nodded.

“No problem,” she waved it off. “Zaeed’s currently deciding if he wants to go down there and give the crew a piece of his mind or continue his debate with Wrex.”

“Do I even want to know what they’re arguing about?” Regis asked, watching Vik place their case on his weapon bench and take out some supplies.

“Last I heard they were bitching about shotgun mods,” Kaidan said, crossing his arms.

“It’s gotten worse. Inferno versus Warp grenades,” Ashley said, almost sounding grim.

“Inferno grenades are superior. If you’re going to Warp someone, do it right from the get-go. No external hardware required,” Vik said, walking back over to the bed, omnitool active and diagnostic tools in hand. “Sit up straight for me.”

Regis did as they said and closed his eyes as Vik felt for the synth-skin covering his wetware, housed just underneath his Torfan tattoo–the black skull that used to represent his squad. “Ah, there we go. Dare I say that Cerberus improved on interfacing?” They commented, raising up their omnitool and inputting a code.

Regis felt a twinge as his cybernetics adapted to the code, pulling the skin away to reveal the port underneath. “Which is why I’m working with Miranda to adapt this technology on a consumer level.”

“And you two are doing impressive work. Cannot wait to see it leave the trials. You are going to revolutionize biotic interfacing and so much more,” Vik said. “Kaidan, how is it working on you?”

He rubbed his neck. “Feels weird having easy access to my ports again, but I knew what I signed up for when I kept mine underneath the skin for better protection. Never liked the idea of exposed ports.”

Vik hummed as they scanned the port for any abnormalities. “I don’t see anything concerning. Just a temperature spike that caused the amp to shut down before rebooting. What were you doing when it shorted?”

“Trying to levitate down when I fell from that fucking fish tank,” Regis said, keeping his head still.

“Ah. Well, it’s going to happen again if you do anything intensive like that, I’m afraid. Were you able to do feats like that previously with no issues?”

“Been a while since I’ve had to do a maneuver like that, so honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever tested that specific mnemonic with it. Handled everything else I threw at it,” Regis admitted.

“Say it with me–” Vik started to say, but Regis interrupted him.

“Yes, yes, I know, test all maneuvers with any new amp and any new mods,” Regis sighed. “Been a little slow lately, so I never got around to testing everything.”

“Regis…” Kaidan started, getting that tone of voice that meant Kaidan was more than a little annoyed with him.

“Yeah, I know,” he repeated, closing his eyes. “I won’t do any more experimenting with my amps without testing everything I do. Happy?”

“Only once I see it in practice,” Kaidan said, his voice taking on a lower tone.

“Ah great, you two are flirting,” Ashley said, exasperated. “Keep that up and I’m leaving. Don’t need to hear how you solve problems.”

Kaidan chuckled. “Sometimes he makes it so easy.”

“He is right here,” Regis muttered. “Vik, can you remove it already?”

“Of course. What do you want me to replace it with?” they replied, professional as ever.

“How are your Armali mods? I like the blending they provide, but again, I miss the better power output in return.”

Vik grabbed the sealed container housing the chip. “Very comparable to an overclocked HMBA. You’ll still find that HMBA has better power outputs, but you lose out on the blending you prefer to do. HMBA is perfect for more controlled powers versus on the fly. Armali will allow you to stick to your style without sacrificing too much. If you hate it we can swap it out for something else. I probably won’t be offended.”

Regis mulled it over in his head. HMBA isn’t a bad amp per se, but he wasn’t too fond of its rigidity. Which suited Kaidan just fine, as he tended to stick to one mnemonic at a time, giving time to cool down and settle his field in between.

Regis was a speedcaster, switching and twisting mnemonics together to create reactions and unpredictable attacks only his lovers and most trusted companions know how to read. Sure, he could stick to rigidity if needed. But after Cerberus, he almost seemed to do far better with on-the-fly adjustments than ever before.

He blames it on the constant feeling of survival he felt while trapped in their claws, his biotics never quite the same since his resurrection. Kaidan always reassured that his field felt the same, when their coronas would intersect and twine with each other on the battlefield and in the bedroom.

But he could never shake the feeling that his biotics turned into their own beast after Lazarus.

“Let’s try it. If not, I’ll follow Kaidan’s route and trick out a HMBA,” Regis said. He caught Kaidan’s gaze, and he looked so smug. Bastard. He’ll wipe that smirk off his face once he gets his amp back in order and kicks everyone out of his apartment…

“Great. Now, take a deep breath for me,” Vik said, reaching in to disconnect the amp. Regis breathed in slowly, waiting to feel the detachment.

He shuddered as Vik pulled out the amp, feeling like he was dunked in cold water, his veins turning to ice. The corona pulsed around him once before winking out in a flash. “Fuck,” he muttered, taking slow, deep breaths, his heart racing.

“That’s what happens when you swap out an amp?” Ashley asked. “Damn… how does it feel?”

“Getting dunked in cold water,” Kaidan said, face pinched in discomfort. “Feeling sluggish even though your movements are clear. Feeling like your sensations are both heightened and diminished.”

“Exactly,” Regis said. “Feels different for every biotic, but most L2s tend to get the same effects. More intense.”

“Afraid it's not much different for us,” Vik said, dropping the amp into a separate container. “Technically I’ll need to report this to Serrice, but they also won’t take kindly to someone interfering with their settings. Even if you’re a Spectre.”

“So, what are you going to do?” Ashley asked. “Come on, we can bend the rules.”

“And that’s exactly what I’m going to do. I’ll wipe the logs with my software, fudge the numbers, and they won’t look at it any more than usual because they’re getting it from me,” Vik explained. “Anything for you, Reggie.”

And there’s Vik’s way of showing that they’re doing him a massive favor. Goddammit.

“Wait, Reggie ?” Ashley repeated, her face breaking out into a grin. “How have I not heard that before?”

If his amp port wasn’t open, he would’ve started strangling Vik already.

“Oops,” Vik said, not sounding sorry at all. “Anyway, ready for the insert?”

“Do it,” Regis said with gritted teeth. “So, I can strangle you faster.”

“Hmm, maybe I have more diagnostics to do. Read some more logs. Get a good picture of your outputs…” Vik chuckled and turned to Ashley. "Childhood nickname that he secretly loves. Don’t deny it!”

“Does that mean you have childhood pictures too? Please, I need to see them,” Ashley said. “He must’ve been so cute!”

“I was fucking adorable,” Regis said, interrupting their conversation. “You can see all the baby pictures you want after you reseat my amp.” Ashley gave him a cheeky thumbs-up, looking expectantly at Kaidan, who held up his omnitool to prepare a data transfer. Traitor.

“Breath in deep for me, darling,” Vik said, taking the new amp out of its case.

Regis breathed in while they inserted the amp, his corona igniting in a bright violet in response. He exhaled as he let his corona surround him, keeping a handle on biotics from flaring out, adjusting to the difference in outputs on the fly. As a test, he pulled the scope sitting on his bench towards him. It flew towards him quickly, landing in his hand without a hitch. “Much better,” Regis sighed, crossing his legs into his meditative position, allowing himself to slowly levitate with a push off the bed before settling down.

“Beautiful,” Vik observed. “I think you’ll find that my amp will rank among the best.” They finished up by scanning it once more and resealing the synth-skin with another code. Regis rubbed at the now-sealed skin once finished, itching slightly after it meshed back together.

“I don’t even know if I can test it fully with all this shit going on,” Regis said, retracting his field. Kaidan’s biotics had reacted in kind, a subtle blue field around his eyes glowed while the rest of his corona was carefully hidden.

“Armax is just down the street,” Ashley said. “Surely we can get a few matches in.”

“Depending on what we find out,” Kaidan said, crossing his arms. “None of the Spectre channels had anything that stood out, and I couldn’t get Hackett on the comm. I could contact Hannah, but I figured you wanted to keep this on the downlow.”

“Fair enough. She’ll be worried, and I don’t want to deal with that right now.” Regis looked down at his loungewear. “If I’m going to talk with the crew, I’m getting changed into something different.”

“You and your appearances,” Vik muttered, packing up their stuff. “Need me to hang out while you debrief?” “If you want,” Regis said.

VIk shrugged. “Might need someone to patch all of you up. Karin is at some sort of conference right now, right?”

Ashley nodded. “Yeah, she’s sorry she can’t make it. And both Kaidan and I told her to stay put.”

“Then I’ll hang around. Ash, let’s sort through some pictures,” Vik said, offering a hand. Ashley took it with a grin, leaving Kaidan and Regis in their bedroom. He tugged off his sweater, looking through the closet until he found another one of his black button downs and slacks, pulling them on before grabbing a pair of socks.

“Feel better?” Kaidan teased, eyeing him up and down before grabbing both his hands. He leaned in for a kiss, and Regis returned it, soft and full of yearning. Hesitant to break apart, they both kept chasing each other. Regis removed his hands from his and pulled Kaidan in closer, cupping his neck and tangling a hand in his hair, breathing in his scent and his love. They finally broke apart after Kaidan started to kiss down his neck, peppering light kisses on Regis’s tattoo, stopping at the skin showing at the unbuttoned collar. “You smell better, too.”

“And here I thought you had more tact than Zaeed,” Regis rolled his eyes. “We better head down before they all assume we’re doing something else.”

“Probably too late for that,” he chuckled, reaching for Regis’s hand again. “Come on.”

They walked downstairs, hand-in-hand. Zaeed whistled at them, changed into a short sleeve white button down and jeans. “Beginning to think I needed to break you two up.”

“Or join them,” Ashley piped up, sitting on the couch next to Vik.

“Says you,” Regis said, directed at Zaeed, the two of them joining him by the fireplace. “Shall I tell the gang what you wanted to do to me earlier?”

“Might need to be more specific. I probably said a lot of things,” he laughed.

Regis shook his head as Wrex walked over to the door, letting Moreau and Brooks in. “Finally!” Brooks exclaimed. “You know, I can’t believe you survived all that. They had guns! And grenades! And those drone things!”

“As did Cerberus and nearly every other organization I’ve had to fight against,” Regis said, opening his omnitool. “Has anyone contacted C-Sec? Need to get Bailey read in on this.”

“Okay, that sounds… Wait! Wouldn’t that make whoever you contact a target too?” Brooks interjected, resting her chin on her hand.

Regis narrowed his eyes. “It’s C-Sec. You know, the security force onboard this station?”

“Honestly Shepard, she has a point,” Moreau said. “Do we even need to take that risk?”

Regis sighed and shut off his omnitool. “Fair enough. Guess we run this ourselves like everything else.”

“Wow, you agreed with me? Can you say it again?” Moreau asked eagerly, a grin on his face.

Regis gave him an annoyed look, about to tell him to bring up the rest of the crew when Brooks rambled, “Right. Ourselves. On our own. Outside the law. Okay, yeah.”

Even Kaidan started to look frustrated, a pinched expression on his face, his eyebrows slightly furrowed together. “Brooks, you need to focus,” Kaidan said. “You have a team of Alliance soldiers, Spectres, and top operatives from different species. If you can’t handle this, I suggest you sit this out and let us handle it.”

“I can’t sit this out!” She replied, balling her hands in fists.

“Fine,” Regis said, staring her down. “But this is my operation, and you will work under my orders. If I find that you are a liability to us and the mission, I will contact whoever I deem necessary to deal with the situation and damn the consequences. Clear?”

“Crystal,” she said with a nod, her voice surprisingly steady.

He can’t get a read on her. Maybe she’s too green, trying to over and undercompensate. It’s been a while since Regis has dealt with anyone in Intelligence that wasn’t a high rank, and a lot of people did join up after the war.

Perhaps he should withhold his judgment of her for now, skewed by his frustration at the whole situation.

“How did you even get involved in this mess?” Ashley asked.

She straightened up. “I monitor data for Alliance Intel to prevent fraud and hacking of officer IDs. Like someone using an admiral’s pass to get into a nightclub on the Citadel when that admiral is currently stationed on Pinnacle. I wrote a tracking program. It’s really neat! I named it ‘Mr. Biscuits’ after my cat.”

“Brooks,” Ashley said, getting her attention.

“Right! Sorry… Anyway, my program detected a breach in your classified files. Soon, everything we had on you was compromised: personnel files, mission reports, everything.”

Regis swore, shaking his head. “So, what you’re telling me is that they now have access to my military codes? My Spectre codes? Explains why they wanted to kill me.”

“Nothing to stop them until the damage is done,” Wrex said with a nod.

Regis looked at his crew, his gaze lingering on Kaidan and Zaeed. “Then we need to figure out who they are and shut them down. Ideas?”

“What about that pistol you picked up? A goddamn work of art,” Zaeed said, motioning to the M-11 still sitting on the table.

“Damn thing is so tiny I thought I was going to fucking break it,” Regis said, picking it up. “Packs a punch like a mini-Widow.”

The door chimed and Kaidan moved to check on whoever was at the door. A moment later he opened it to reveal Wren with her omnitool out.

“Hey Wren!” Ash waved. “Glad you could join us.”

“Of course! Been doing some research on my own. Glyph can hopefully give us some insight on that cute little pistol you have,” she replied, summoning up the drone.

“Did you ever get all the bugs fixed?” Regis chuckled. “Stubborn little guy.”

“Not really…” she trailed off, staring at the cyan drone. “It still bugs out some, but it is less bound to misinterpret orders. 85 percent of the time. Anyway, Glyph, start looking into this M-11.”

“I’ll begin collating relevant intel for review, Major Clarkson,” Glyph said, discs spinning.

“Well, I’m glad to see you in one piece. Hell of a fall back there,” she said, holding out her hand.

He shook it with a firm grip. “I’m alright. Still healing up, but I’m ready to deal with whatever happens next.”

“Good to hear. You know, you did the galaxy a favor getting rid of that place. Overpriced, overrated, and some of the blandest food I’ve ever had,” she said, shaking her head. “Saved me the trip of having to take it down myself, if you know what I mean.”

She turned to Brooks. “Come with me. Catch me up on what we know.” Brooks nodded and followed her to the dining table in the back of the kitchen.

“Well, Wren’s on point,” Wrex said. “So, where’s the rest of your crew?”

Moreau held up his omnitool. “Getting that covered right… now.”

The door chimed. Regis waved his omnitool to unlock it remotely.

“Had to gather some people who actually like getting shot at, you know,” he said as EDI walked in, flanked by Tali, Cortez, and Javik.

“Permission to come aboard, Admiral?” Tali asked cheekily.

Regis grinned. “I don’t know. This is my quiet place after all.”

“Good to see you doing okay. Wasn’t sure how to react after I heard what happened,” she replied, hugging him from the side, her knitted poncho swaying with the gesture. “Say, how did you get roped up into going to a sushi restaurant?”

“Thought Moreau was pulling a fast one on me and wanted to put him in his place,” he replied, glancing over at Moreau who ignored him in favor of talking with EDI by the bar. “Turns out it was an assassination attempt.”

“It’s never a dull day, is it?” She laughed. “Ah well. I got a little bit of relaxation in, and that’s all that matters.”

Kaidan and Zaeed rejoined him by his side after catching up with some of the crew. He turned to face both of them, lit by the fireplace. “You know, it was nice to see you two in action at the car lot. It was pretty hot.”

Both Ashley and Tali groaned. “Really, Regis?” Tali said, sitting down on the couch next to Ashley. Vik looked amused, watching them with a barely concealed glee.

He ignored them. Kaidan crossed his arms, nudging Zaeed with his shoulder. “Why, thank you.”

“We try,” Zaeed smirked.

Regis smiled, feeling his cheeks heat up. “What would I do without you both?”

“You’ll never find out,” Kaidan said as Zaeed chuckled, “There’s no goddamn way you’ll ever find out.”

“God, you three are so sickening,” Ashley said, shaking her head.

“Which is why we keep them on their toes!” Tali said, giving them all a look. “Time and a place.”

“This is my apartment. I’m going to do whatever I want in it,” Regis shot back as Zaeed kissed his cheek.

“You tell them, babe.”

Regis shook his head. “I’m going to check in with the crew, and hopefully soon Wren wil have figured something out.”

“Are we embarrassing you, love?” Kaidan asked. “Go on, do your job.”

“I’m not the only Admiral here.”

“And yet you’re the one who is in charge of the ship.”

Regis gave him a look and twitched his fingers, sending a small burst of dark energy to shock Kaidan. He walked away with a smirk, knowing his gaze was following him as he walked over to Moearu and EDI.

“You know, he used me as bait,” he said, sitting at the bar.

“Yes. You have mentioned that a few times, Jeff,” she replied. “A sound solution.”

“Hey, you’re supposed to be on my side!”

“I’m on the side of data, which states that Shepard’s strategy ensured that you got out with minimal injuries.”

“My pride is injured.”

“An unfortunate side effect that is rectified by personal growth and reflection,” she replied, not missing a beat.

Yeah, they’re fine. No need to interrupt.

Steve was sitting at the bar in the back of his apartment, away from all the chaos. Probably the quietest part of his place at the moment. “Hey Shepard. Glad you made it out okay.”

“Hey Steve,” Regis said, sitting down next to him. “Adrian didn’t join us?”

He shook his head. “Nah, said something about a job he needed to look into. He’ll try to stop by later, wanting me to tell you he is worried about you. But I know he’s not going to miss out on spending time with Vik so…” He trailed off, a knowing look in his eye. “I should’ve brought Tomas into this.”

“Coats would’ve been great to have on hand,” Regis said with a nod. “I’ve been meaning to ask if he wants to transfer on board the Normandy. Thoughts?”

“You matchmaker,” Steve said, blushing. “If you can make it happen and he’s fine with being on board our little circus, I’m okay with that.”

“Of course, anything for my crew.”

“Almost anything,” Steve corrected. “After that fiasco, never go out to eat with Joker!”

“Not that I ever enjoyed going out with him before,” Regis chuckled. “If I need a pilot in this mess, you’ll be the first I’ll call.”

“I’m sure Joker will take offense to that.”

“He knows I prefer you on the shuttle excursions. He’s a bit too… showy,” Regis said, shaking his head.

“Oh, I agree. Time and a place. Finesse is what’s needed for drop-ins.”

“Admiral,” Javik greeted as he joined them. “Much quieter back here.”

Regis motioned for him to sit down, but he stayed standing. “It is. Calm before the storm. Anything you want to say?”

He shook his head. “Nothing that hasn’t already been said. This is a first for me. Never heard of anyone in my cycle falling through a fish tank.”

“Wasn’t exactly my fault,” Regis said with a pointed look. “Blame the mercs.”

“I think I’m going to enjoy teaching them a lesson,” he grinned, showing pointed, thin teeth. “I heard our Broker say she found something out. Maybe it will be useful to us.”

“Thanks, Javik.”

He walked down the hallway to join Wren and Brooks. “If you’re ready, I already found something.”

“Want me to go ahead and gather the team?” Regis asked.

“Please do. The faster the better,” she said, not looking up from her portable terminal.

Regis announced for everyone to huddle up, and soon enough, the crew was around the dining table, waiting for Wren’s announcement. Like always, Kaidan and Zaeed stood next to him, flanking him on both sides.

Wren looked around the table, seemingly counting off everyone before clearing her throat. “We have a lead. I called in some favors to run a trace on the gun.” She typed something on her terminal that brought up a picture of an older man. “Which brought me to Elijah Khan. A casino owner who has been suspected of using his profits to smuggle weapons into the Citadel.”

“I found it interesting that after the attempt on Regis’s life, Khan made a call.” She pulled up the audio, the picture changing to a basic media player.

“I’m cutting you off and returning your down payment now.” The first voice must be Khan, sounding frustrated, perhaps even panicked.

“What’s the problem?” Someone replied, their voice sounding altered to stay anonymous.

“Turn on a vidscreen! When I sell a gun, I don’t want it showing up on the nightly news!” Great. Guess he needs to expect an interview or two in the future.

“You won’t be linked to me,” the voice replied.

“Save it. Our association is terminated. And if you even think about coming after me, I’ve got info on you ready for prime time, so you ponder that. Khan out.”

The call ended, and Regis crossed his arms against his chest. “Found our identity thief.”

“Unfortunately, they have an ID disguiser,” Vik nearly groaned. “Not even Adrian can get around those reliably.”

Regis sighed. “I was afraid of that. Anyway, did you find anything on the mercs? Affiliations, origins, any of that shit?”

Wren nodded, looking grim. “A PMC named CAT-6. As most of you should know, it’s the Alliance term for dishonorable discharge. Criminal records, steroid use, violent histories… you know the drill. Definitely hired by the thief, no association with Khan.”

“Good job with the phone call,” Kaidan said in approval.

“We can lean on Khan, probably get him to squeal,” Zaeed said, looking down at the gun. “Throw in a few Spectre threats and we can get him to talk all while taking the goddamn bastard down.”

Wren shook her head. “If only it were that easy. The casino has a panic room and chances are, he’ll go to ground there.”

“I would suggest providing programs to hack the doors alongside your own security,” EDI started to say, turning to face Regis and Wren. “But there are many guards and cameras on the premises.”

“Yeah.” Brooks said, adjusting her hat. “He could disappear or worse. If his guards ever open fire, normal people could get hit. Like I did.”

He hated to admit she had a point. But ‘normal’ people? Seriously? “I agree. We can’t risk any civilians that could be targeted by our actions. So, we go in quiet. Small team. No gunplay.”

Glyph reappeared on the table. “Major Clarkson. This evening the casino will be hosting a charity event to continue to assist refugees from the war.”

Wren smiled. “Perfect. Purchase some tickets and pull up a layout of the building.”

A holographic display of the casino appeared with a few key points highlighted on the map.

“This is great and all… but how close can we get? Who puts a backdoor in a panic room?” Moreau asked.

“Allow me,” EDI said, stepping forward and adjusting the sleeves on her button down, her visor changing blue as she interacted with the map. Parts of the map changed red, highlighting air shafts and vents. “This air shaft bypasses the security gate and ends up in storage. From there, the panic room’s door-camera can be disabled.”

“This isn’t just any casino,” Kaidan said, tilting his head to the side. “There has to be alarms in the shaft.”

“I have some countermeasures that should help. I’ll know more once our team gets inside,” Wren said, swiping to another screen on her terminal.

Javik looked at the map, resting his chin on his fingers. “Whoever goes inside that shaft needs to be small in size.”

Wrex laughed. “Yeah, that’s not me.” He gestured down at his armor.

Everyone’s gaze slowly fell on Tali. She shook her head. “I’ve done my time in the vents before. And besides, my suit’s built in tech will be picked up by the sensors.”

EDI piped up. “My presence in the casino would arouse suspicion. Mechs are not allowed since they can have cheating software, even if I wore my mech’s synth skin.”

Ashley held up her hands. “I can do infiltration, but not this kind of infiltration. Sorry, but no. You’ll need me for backup if things go south.”

Brooks looked at all of them. “What you need is somebody trained in zero-emissions tech. No electronics, no metal. Just undetectable polymers. We had a course back at Op-Int, disabling a bomb with these little tweezers. See, the bomb was filled with shaving cream…”

They didn’t have many options. Regis, Kaidan, and Zaeed were all too large and filled with tech and would likely be the main ones on the field. EDI and Tali were ruled out. Same for Javik and Wrex. Steve didn’t speak up during the meeting, but Regis wasn’t about to volunteer him. Vik’s implants and enhancements to improve their skills as a surgeon also prevented them from doing it. Wren’s running the operation.

Looks like it has to be Brooks. And Regis was hoping that wouldn’t be the case.

Regis met Brooks's gaze. “All right. You’re in.”

She stepped back. “What? No… What?!”

Regis gestured around him. “You said it yourself. We’ve all got too much tech. And it’s too risky to bring anyone else in.”

“But… I managed to get shot just coming to talk to you! Now I’m supposed to hack my way into a safe room?” Brooks replied, shaking her head.

“Getting shot was something no one would have planned for,” Kaidan offered. “There was no way to know that the mercs were already after Regis.”

“Exactly,” Zaeed said with a nod. “None of this is a typical situation and none of us have any goddamn options.”

She still looked hesitant, so Regis spoke up. “I recall saying to you that this is my operation and you will be working under my orders. Listen to our orders and focus. You have a team backing you up.”

She let out a sigh and nodded. Maybe this will teach her some confidence.

Or cause this whole operation to go down in flames.

Wren clapped her hands together. “Great! Now that everything is settled, there is one last hurdle to get us inside.”

“Which is?” Regis prompted, raising an eyebrow.

She grinned. “Black tie required.”

“Oh hell yes,” Regis said, damn near cheering. “It’s a good thing I didn’t waste my best suit on you, Moreau!” Kaidan also looked pleased, but Zaeed started to frown, never quite enjoying looking nice.

It took him no time at all after their wedding for him to start taking down his suit, leaving him in his button down while Regis and Kaidan stayed in their finery until that evening.

He’s going to enjoy dressing them all up to match and shutting up Zaeed’s bitching about the matter.

“I take so much offense to that,” he replied, shaking his head. “Are we all going into the casino? Or is it just these crazy lovebirds over here.”

“Small team. So just those three and Brooks,” Wren replied, pulling up the tickets. “The rest of us will say close, but outside, ready to react if need be.”

“When does it start?” Kaidan asked. “How much time do we have?”

“It’s supposed to go on for the entire evening late into early morning, so we can get there at any time. Fashionably late or just on time. Doesn’t matter to me as long as we get inside,” Wren said. “Now, let’s give our infiltration specialists time to get changed, shall we?”

WIth the meeting over, everyone dispersed, going back to hang out in the apartment, some deciding to leave to grab their gear so they’ll be ready to go if something happens. Luckily, they all had spare versions of their preferred hardsuits lying around along with their main gear, so at a moment’s notice the triad can be prepared for anything.

“Don’t take too long up there, boys,” Ashley said as she walked back to the couch.

“You have nothing to worry about. Regis is a goddamn tyrant when it comes to fashion,” Zaeed muttered, heading over to the stairs. “I’m sure he’s scheming already.”

“I have an idea in mind,” Regis replied, walking up the stairs. He stopped at the doorway, ensuring none of the nosy crew were within earshot. “But you know you love it. All three of us, matching on and off the battlefield, showing that I’m yours and you are mine. ”

“Don’t fret, love,” Kaidan said, wrapping an arm around Zaeed’s shoulders. “Just think, afterwards we might be able to make that promise to Regis happen. Except this time, it’s all of us.”

“And I’ll say it again: You aren’t going to ruin my damn suit,” he shot back, opening their closet to pull out three wrapped suits. One with red detailing, one with blue detailing, and one with yellow detailing. The human crew sometimes joked about them being the primary colors, but Regis didn’t care.

All they cared about was looking damn good, and Regis ensured that both on and off the battlefield. Fabrics made of strong synthetics, able to take a few hits if need be. Able to tolerate light action.

And be ready for any format event that is thrown at them, like this.

“A three piece?” Zaeed asked, slipping off the protective sleeve. “Hmm. Not bad. When did you get these ordered?”

“A while back. Wanted them for our anniversary… but I thought they would be great for this,” Regis said, running his hand down the fabric. “What do you think?” he asked softly.

“Beautiful work,” Kaidan said. “Can’t wait to see all of us in them, stealing the show.”

“And that’s the whole point,” Regis said, moving to kiss his cheek. “Is it bad to say I’m actually looking forward to this?”

“Nah, I know you love showing us off,” Zaeed replied. “Still doing okay?”

He nodded. “Thanks, by the way.” “No need to thank me, baby. Though I did panic a bit when you damn near went limp in my arms. You needed the rest. I only wish it was longer.”

“Me too. I wanted to join the both of you,” Kaidan said, glancing over at the tub. “Duty called and it still does.”

“It never stops,” Regis agreed. “Hopefully we’ll get some time to ourselves after this. We can’t be running this mission without stopping, and I want our apartment back.”

“I’m sure Vik and Ashley will ensure we get all the time we need to ourselves,” Zaeed said, starting to take off his clothes and put on the new suit. “Or I will make sure of it.”

“You’ll hear no complaints from me, love,” Regis replied. “Seeing you both out there…”

If he wasn’t covered in fish water, debris, and who knows what else, he would’ve shown his appreciation right then and there.

“Love, your competency kink is showing,” Kaidan chuckled, moving over to the mirror to gel up his hair.

“Can you blame me?”

“You know, there’s a reason why we chose those suits to wear…” Kaidan trailed off, heat behind his gaze.

They continued to chat, recapping the events of earlier today and ensured they all had the details squared way before the event later tonight.

If it wasn’t soured by the threat over his head, Regis would loosen up, enjoy the evening as Regis Shepard-Massani-Alenko, giving interviews, press, and showing off his lovers. Instead, he has to be careful to not draw any more attention than usual, and worry about the people around them, in case their assailant strikes while he’s vulnerable once more.

Putting on the suit felt like putting on armor, immediately falling into his media presence persona. How he wished he could be Regis at this moment, and not the ruthless Admiral.

But this time, he ensured he put the real rings on, the bands replacing the silicone ones that somehow survived the action of the day. To his utter adoration, his husbands did the same, their commitments to each other shining in the light of their bedroom.

All ready for whatever comes next. A casino heist at a charity event… if Regis knew where Kasumi was, she would be utterly delighted.

Just another day for Regis and his crew.

#mass effect #kaidan alenko #male shepard #zaeed massani #regis shepard #cleric's writing

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ladyddanger · 2 years

Text

A full analysis of the song why don’t even is perfect for the Manburg cabinet (c!quackity, c!tubbo and c!fundy because I’m a loser who likes musicals.

Sit back with a slouch in my spine

Quick laugh at a cliché line

We're gonna have a great year!

[ these lines fit c!quackity the best. It’s the first meeting and he is quickly realizing how badly he messed up supporting Schlatt. Still he thinks he can make it work and keep some kind of control over c!Schlatt to keep him from going to off the rails]

Cue:

I don't want to stay here

[this is very c!tubbo. He didn’t truly want to join c!Schlatt but now he’s stuck here even through all he wants is be with c!tommy and c!wilbur]

Head up like you're proud to be seen

Arms crossed, no, you look too mean

Everybody's whispering

Show 'em you're not listening

[this is c!quackity and c!tubbo vibes. C!quackity is trying to encourage c!tubbo (this can be set before right before the festival for added angst) c!tubbo was forced into the role as c!schlatts right hand man and given way more responsibility then a kid should ever have. He’s nervous and scared and c!quackity knows that]

Don't you know they won't believe you?

They're all watching, no one sees you

[and this is c!schlatt talking to the rest of the cabinet. Even if they came forwards about his behavior nobody would help them, he’s the president. The whole nation is watching so they have to pretend like everything is ok even if it very much isn’t]

But I don't even care, I don't care

Promise it, I swear, oh I swear

I'm not always trapped in my head

Playing back the wrong things that I did and said, no!

I don't even care, I don't care

I just walk on air, I don't care

I'm the girl who lets it all go

Everything you see's going perfectly

I don't even --

You don't even know

[this is whole cabinet publicly acting like everything is fine even though it isn’t]

Countdown 'til someone gets hurt

[this is c!tubbo. He never wanted to join c!schlatt and was always at least a little loyal to c!wilbur and c!tommy. This lead him to realize how dangerous c!Schlatt was before c!Fundy and c!Quackity who joined c!Schlatt out of desperation and where rewarded with the validation they craved.]

Oh crap, what is on my skirt?

[this is c!quackity since lot of c!Schlatt’s praise and mockery cam from his physical appearance]

Goddamn, I think that I'm sick

Okay, do I have a TideStick?

Now is it too late to leave?

[this is all c!fundy feeling trapped and just missing his dad. Siding with c!Schlatt didn’t make his father treat him like an adult it exiled him and fractured their relationship more. Like any child now that things suck c!fundy just wants his parent]

I should help

Please just breathe

This night's gonna be far too long

[even while trying to help c!quackity is realizing how screwed they are and how he especially is in way over his head]

I'm doing everything wrong

[this is c!tubbo being under all the pressure c!schlatt put on him as his right hand man and the pressure of “being a man” or the warped ideal of masculinity c!Schlatt has while also being harshly criticized when he didn’t hold up to those standards.]

I'll just fade 'til nobody sees me

[this is c!fundy already getting abandoned by c!wilbur now getting ignored by c!Schlatt and slowly realizing that c!Schlatt didn’t care about him in the way c!fundy thought he did]

Oh thank god that everything's easy

[the whole cabinet again putting up a public image of perfection]

But I don't even care, I don't care

Done it and been there, it's all fair

No one's ever under my skin

You won't find me caught

Trying to plot how I'm gonna win

[this is c!fundy pretending like he’s still on c!schlatts side even while he’s working as a spy and that none of the jokes about him being a fox bothered him]

I don't even care, I don't care

Let 'em stop and stare, let them stare

I'm the girl who goes with the flows with it

I don't hesitate, overcomplicate

I don't even, you don't even -

Know

I don't even, you don't even know

[this is c!quackity dealing with being c!schlatts arm candy and trying to pretend that he still has some level of control over the situation. He is also trying to rationalize c!schlatts behavior to himself “they don’t know anything about c!Schaltt and his motives not like I do it’s fine”]

We are the soul of the school

The pride in the name

The heart and the flame

Our words are pure inspiration

Years of creation

Changing the nation

We'll give you something to hold on to

When you think your time is up

We'll give you just the song you want to

Hear when you're out of luck

We are the soul

Of the school, the pride

We are the soul of the

In the name, the heart

School, the pride in the

We are the

And the flame

Name, the flame

School, the

The heart

And the

Our words are pure

Inspiration years

Years

Flame. Our words

Are pure inspir-

Of creation

-ation

Changing the nation

[this is whole cabinet trying to reassure the public pretend that c!Schlatt is anywhere near under control and stable. Even as Marburg falls apart they act like nothing is wrong trying to hold it together]

But I don't even

Care, I don't care

[this is c!quackity realizing that c!Schlatt wasn’t who c!quackity thought he was and trying to be ok with that. He tries to set aside his morals under the idea that at very least c!Schlatt would never treat him like treats everyone else “Ok Schlatt is a little more ruthless then I thought but it’s fine, it’s ok he still loves me”

Countdown 'til

Someone gets hurt

[meanwhile c!tubbo can see c!Schlatt doesn’t give a damn about any of them and he knows that one of them his going to end up dead (it’s gonna be him but c!tubbo doesn’t know that)]

Promise it, I

Swear I don't care

[c!fundy is still suck in a limbo state between C!tubbo and c!Quackity’s views on c!Schlatt. He dislikes him and is actively working against him however he also craves and enjoys c!schlatts approval]

Oh god what is

On my shirt

I'm not always

Trapped in my head

[ again c!quackity this time starting to have a more negative view of himself and his physical looks due to c!schlatts mockery]

Everybody's

Whispering

Playing back the

Wrong things that I did and

Show 'em you're not

Listening, I don't even

[c!tubbo trying to keep using c!Quackity’s advice in public and in his speeches. Even so he’s starting to copy c!Schlatt more as a survival instinct]

Said, no!

[c!quackity trying to stand up to c!schlatt’s harassment and getting threatened instead]

Now is it

Care, I don't care

Too late to leave?

I just walk on

I should help

[c!fundy fully realizing what c!Schlatt’s plans are and having to pretend that everything is normal while getting ready to wage war on him. He’s also trying to act like c!Wilbur’s rejection didn’t hurt him as bad as it did telling himself he doesn’t care even as he clearly dose]

Air, I don't care

Please just breathe

I'm the girl who

This night's gonna

Lets it all go

Be far too long

Have I said

[c!Quackity trying for the last time to brush off c!Schlatts actions and act in a way that c!Schlatt likes. “Letting go” of any of hurtful comments. He knows this is going to be a painful night but he’s doing his best to make it go as well as possible triple checking himself to make sure he’s doing everything right]

See's going perfectly

Everything wro-

We are the soul

I don't even

Oo-

Of the school, the

You don't even

-ng

Pride

Know

In the name the heart

Everything wro-

And the flame

-ng

Our words are pure

Inspiration, years

Of creation

I don't even

You don't even know

[finally the whole manberg cabinet. Things are terrible and as much as they try to hang on,their desperation creeps in as lyrics like “See's going perfectly” are meet with one’s like Everything wro-. They can’t hold Manburg together for much longer and they know it. Even with them trying to cope with and work with c!schlatt of the whole song they failed and nation is falling apart.]

#WEW THIS TOOK SO LONG #this took forever #i’m so hyped #c!manbreg cabinet #Manburg cabinet #manburg vs pogtopia #c!schlatt neg #tw! abuse #c!schlatt #c!fundy #c!fundy and c!wilbur #c!fundy and c!quackity #c!tubbo #c!quackity #c!big q #dsmp analysis #dream smp analysis #c!cabnit duo

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krappykawa · 4 years

Text

fake dating headcanons with atsumu, oikawa, and kuroo

ANON ASKED: “hi i really like your writing 🥺🥺 could i request fake dating with atsumu, oikawa, and kuroo? like they told their teams that they have a girlfriend but they dont lmao so they ask one of their classmates to pretend to be their gf so the team can meet her? and they end up falling for her along the way :)) i look forward to reading more of ur works!! 💖”

atsumu x f!reader, oikawa x f!reader, kuroo x f!reader

genre. fluff

warnings. language

word count. 6.3k

note. DAMN this one got away from me ... 6.3k words for a headcanon post ...... sorry anon i’m not sure if you wanted a long post but i mean, here we are lol

note 2. had to repost because something was up with the tags lol i hope it works fine this time

ATSUMU.

- the team has a favorite twin and it’s osamu, we all know it

- one day after practice, the team finds out that one of the first-years managed to get a girlfriend

- most of the inarizaki vb team is single at that point in time so it starts a conversation about relationships

- somewhere in the conversation, aran says, “osamu, man. I can’t believe ya haven’t gotten a girlfriend yet. yer easily one of the best-looking people in the school.”

- osamu just shrugs, but atsumu’s like “huh??”

- “hey ‘samu and i have the same face. don’t cha mean that we’re some of the best-looking people in the school??”

- the guys in the locker room exchange glances

- aran‘s like “look, atsumu. don’t blow up on me or anything, but most girls don’t really want to date you.” (keep in mind that aran’s strictly speaking about the girls that aren’t a part of the miya twins fan club)

- “and why the hell not?”

- at this point, aran’s looking at literally everyone in the room and pleading with his eyes for help because he doesn’t want to start a fight with atsumu

- suna takes pity on aran and says, “hate to break it you, miya, but girls don’t want to date a guy who’s a massive asshole”

- now, atsumu could care less if the entire goddamn world thinks he’s an asshole, but it rubs him the wrong way that his teammates think that osamu’s a better catch than he is

- sibling rivalry pride or whatever

- so atsumu goes “i think my girlfriend would disagree because oh will ya look at that, she’s dating me!”

- he was most definitely not dating anyone

- osamu raises an eyebrow at him because to his knowledge, atsumu didn’t have a girlfriend

- “since when did you have a girlfriend?”

- osamu looks at atsumu with knowing eyes and smirks. “yeah sumu, who’s this girlfriend of yours? I don’t think i’ve met her yet.”

- atsumu knows he’s gotten himself in some deep shit

- but still he’s still full of pride, so he says, “i’ll bring her by to practice tomorrow.”

- now miya atsumu has a dilemma because there are some things he just shouldn’t lie about (because now he’ll never live it down if he can’t figure out a way to get himself out of this one)

- atsumu knows that he’s got that fanclub that would probably be more than willing to date him, but the thought of being in their presence for longer than two seconds makes his skin crawl because he doesn’t think he could handle the excessive screaming

- so that night he decides to go to the bakery down the street that he frequents because they have some of the best macarons in town

- you’re one of the bakers at that bakery that works the shift when he usually comes in for his weekly macarons so you two are acquainted

- you also go to inarizaki, so you hear the rumors that circulate around atsumu, but you don’t really pay much attention to them because he’s not that bad whenever he comes into the bakery

- like sometimes if he tries to only order 2 macarons but notices that there are only 5 macarons left, he’ll buy them all just to make your life easier

- when he comes in that day, he has this troubled look on his face. “hey y/n. can i just have my usual? oh and an iced matcha.”

- you like to keep tabs on your regulars and what they order, so when he orders an iced matcha, you know that something’s probably up (he never orders drinks from there because he said that his brother would kill him if he didn’t bring him home a drink too and having to carry the two drinks up to their apartment is hassle enough)

- you’re in the middle of making his drink when you decide to ask him what’s up “everything alright?”

- it’s almost time to close up and you two are the only two left so you figured you had time for small talk

- “i may have outright lied to my team about havin’ a girlfriend.”

- “you don’t?” that surprises you because so many girls at your school have a crush on the miya twins (you would know because your best friend is practically in love with osamu)

- when atsumu shakes his head dejectedly, you don’t quite understand what he’s so down for

- “you do know that there are like 50 girls that are practically lining up to date you right?”

- “yeah, but they’d expect a real relationship and i’m no good at those.”

- “why not?”

- “i’m too argumentative, let's just say, plus i’ve been told that i kinda come off as an asshole.”

- “and volleyball right?” you would know since he always comes into the bakery after a practice and he looks like he’s both dead and alive

- when you hand him his matcha and packet of macarons, he pauses

- “listen, don’t take this the wrong way but yer single right?”

- you almost smile to yourself because wow for a guy so attractive, his way with words isn’t great

- “i am.”

- he stands there for a good 20 seconds just looking at you with that look in his eyes that tells you that he’s trying to ask you something but he doesn’t know how to do it

- “you want me to act as your fake girlfriend don’t you?”

- cue atsumu chuckle @%EUTYDJBCJWER)*&# hhhhfs

- “ya know, i’m kinda seein’ why i get called an asshole all the time. it doesn’t sound as great when ya’ say it like that.”

- you agree to pretend to be his girlfriend, but on the condition that your best friend will be able to tag along if osamu’s gonna be there

- and that’s the start of it

- you visit his practice the next day before work and his team looks at you in surprise because they were 100% sure that having a girlfriend was just another one of atsumu’s lies

- they all kinda stare at you a little extra too because you’re really pretty

- “aye, get yer asses back to volleyball and stop starin’ at my girl like that.”

- you know it’s all fake, but him saying that kinda makes you blush anyways

- when you first agreed to fake dating him, you weren’t expecting that you’d have to spend too much time with him (he did tell you that he wasn’t looking for a real relationship) but that changes because osamu’s insistent that atsumu should at least try to be a good boyfriend and eat lunch with you and stuff

- you’re both aware that osamu doesn’t buy your little arrangement one bit

- atsumu’s got this raging pride when it comes to his twin brother, so he actually listens because now he’s made it his personal mission to convince osamu that you and him are actually dating

- it takes a while for you two to get into the hang of it, but once you do, it’s like a regular routine

- you and your best friend eat lunch with the twins (you and atsumu both watch as your best friend fumbles her way into talking with osamu), you drop by before work to give atsumu a kiss on the cheek before practice, he drops by the bakery after practice nearly everyday, and you come to his games while wearing a jersey that he lent you

- his teammates like you a lot and tease atsumu all the time because they claim that you’re way too good for him

- surprisingly, he always gets a little protective when they say things like that and always slips an arm around your waist

- one day when you’re over at his apartment, you help atsumu learn how to make macarons (with some help from osamu)

- it takes a while because he would get mad at the macarons when they would come out in weird shapes

- “stupid macarons! they got it out for me i’m tellin’ ya! they’re being like that on purpose!”

- LITERALLY A CHILD

- you learn to like that about him though

- dates with him are usually on the weekends (you both drag osamu and your best friend out with you) and it’s always something fun that osamu suggests because atsumu wasn’t joking when he said he sucks at real relationships

- most of these dates consist of holding hands as you walk around the streets until osamu sees a restaurant he wants to try out

- he always insists on feeding you at least once in your meal

- he also loves doing the walrus-chopsticks face?? (he only started doing it because he liked hearing you laugh)

- as time passes, you two start going on dates without osamu and your best friend (atsumu always claims that it’s because he wants to show osamu up, but you start to notice that osamu doesn’t even find out about these dates most of the time)

- you secretly like these dates better than those with osamu and your best friend because atsumu feels more at ease and will develop a softer tone around you during these dates

- eventually, he starts to always greet you with a forehead kiss whenever you’re in public (you’re not sure if he does it just because his brother is watching, or if maybe he might be starting to like you)

- you try to make your brain forget that most of the time, he kisses your forehead before osamu even walks in

- one day after practice, you’re waiting for him because you didn’t have a shift at the bakery that day

- he walks out of the club room looking mildly pissed and you’re a little wary

- but then he gets to where you’re standing and just pulls your waist towards him and full on kisses you

- mind you, this is your first kiss on the lips with him

- it’s not a quick peck either, like you can hear the wolf whistles from his teammates in the back and you’re left breathing hard and flushed pink afterwards

- damn if that’s what his kisses are like, you suddenly wish he’d do it more often

- “what was that for?”

- “nothin’”

- sometime in the future you find out that he did that because his teammates were once again talking about your relationship and one of them joked that atsumu paid you to pretend to be his girlfriend

- he knew that what you had wasn’t necessarily real, but he just had the urge to kiss you then (he swears to you that he doesn’t know why)

- he does know why. it was because it was starting to slip his mind that your relationship was fake and the reminder made him a little mad at himself

- he realizes that maybe he’s fallen in love with you when osamu brings it up

- atsumu had asked for osamu’s help because he wanted to surprise you by making you mochis for your upcoming four month anniversary of being his fake girlfriend (typing this out was so funny, this man is so whipped he doesn’t know it)

- “ya know, when i first met y/n, i was sure that it was all fake and that you’d slip up about it one day. i guess i was wrong.”

- atsumu doesn’t say anything to that because in his head he’s trying to convince himself that “no. this is all still fake.” but it’s hard to convince himself of that when his hands are covered in the rice flower that he’s using to make your favorite dessert for your four months of faking being together

- he tries not to think about what osamu said when he gives you the gifts later that night

- he tries not to think about it when he gets that funny feeling that he’s been feeling for a while now when he sees the way you light up upon opening the box of mochis

- he most definitely tries not to think about it when you accidentally give him your second kiss of the relationship because you were caught up in the spur of the moment

- it’s on the way home back to his apartment that night that he realizes he’s fucked

- because good god he’s fallen for you

- he tries to break it off after that

- you’re confused at how sudden it is, but you let him break it off because at that point you’re already in love with him and are still too scared to say it because you keep remembering how he always said that he didn’t want a real relationship

- IDIOTS IN LOVE YOU'RE BOTH SO .

- he tries to go back to normal after that

- but for the love of everything he just . can’t

- his eyes always linger a little too long on the door right before practice because you would always come see him before going to work

- his feet would instinctively move in the direction of the bakery after practices until he realizes what he’s doing and forces himself to go home

- his eyes would scan for your figure wearing his jersey during games until he remembers that you probably weren’t there and that you most definitely wouldn’t be wearing his jersey

- he wants to kick himself because the reason he asked you to be his fake girlfriend in the first place was because he didn’t want a real relationship

- yet here he was. wallowing because if there’s anything more he wants, it’s a real relationship with you

- osamu gets fed up with him eventually

- “take yer ass to the bakery right after practice. i’m not letting you into the apartment until you see her.”

- and surprisingly, he actually listens to his twin brother

- he walks into the bakery for the first time in a while and says “hey y/n. can i just have my usual? oh and an iced matcha.”

- you look up at him then because you vividly remember that night. how could you not?

- you’re in the middle of making his drink when you decide to ask him what’s up “everything alright?”

- “i may have outright lied to myself about loving you.”

- you nearly drop the drink in your hands

- “‘tsumu? what are you on about?”

- “i know i said that i’m no good at real relationships. but i’ve found that i want to learn to be good.”

- a pause

- “i want to learn with ya.”

OIKAWA.

- this poor boy is always the butt of the jokes that come from his team

- seriously though. it’s always “tease oikawa day” (he teases them back so it’s all good)

- but one day, they’re all in the locker room when hanamaki brings up this girl that he’s planning on asking out because he’s not sure how to do it

- oikawa, being the little shit that he is, goes “step one, makki. have my face. step two, have my amazing personality. step three, ask her out.”

- he barely ducks in time to miss the shoe that comes flying towards his head

- “makki! such unbecoming behavior! my advice is perfect!”

- matsukawa snorts and says “perfect advice my ass. you can’t even get anyone to like you. let alone go out with you, crappykawa.”

- “don’t spread lies, mattsun.” oikawa clicks his tongue like a mother scolding his child. “or do you seem to forget the dozens of confessions i get on the daily along with the girls that you three complain about all the time because ugh shittykawa’s gonna make us late if he keeps talking to them” (he’s so dramatic lol he says that last part in this weird, whiny voice)

- iwaizumi scoffs. “doesn’t count when you reject every single one.”

- “i do not!”

- “right. right. as if you don’t make them cry because you’re so nice about rejecting them too.” (oikawa frowns at that one because he doesn’t mean to make them cry)

- “yeah, shittykawa, you’re pretty bad at love in general. i’d die before listening to your advice.” (this one is from matsukawa)

- “there’s also the fact that the girlfriend’s you did have all broke up with you because you would rather cuddle with a volleyball than cuddle with them.” (this one is from hanamaki)

- oikawa scowls at them “i don’t cuddle my volleyball.”

- “sure you don’t. just like you most definitely don’t have a name for it either.”

- “leave iwa-chan the second out of this!” (he drew an angry face on his volleyball too because he claims it looks like iwaizumi)

- iwaizumi groans. “i hate you. so so much.”

- at this point, oikawa knows they’re right, but he’s also really prideful. “and besides. i would suggest taking my advice because i got a girlfriend just today!”

- he most definitely did not

- “sure you did. hey mattsun, i bet a week tops until she breaks up with him.”

- “nah i’ll bet five days.”

- after practice, oikawa came up with a plan for the next day to get himself out of the hole he dug for himself

- he usually got confessions before school, so he told iwaizumi that he was going to school early to practice and instead waited for a girl to confess to him

- but the moment he saw this second-year walk up to him with a little box, he knew he wouldn’t be able to do it

- he couldn’t do that to this innocent girl

- and he tries to say yes to her. he really does.

- but he can practically hear his older sister’s voice yelling at him about how “even when you get popular and get confessions from people left and right, i don’t want you leading anyone on. you only accept a confession if you actually like them.”

- he’s probably more scared of his sister than he is of his own mother, so he says no to that second-year, even when she starts to frown and walk away

- he’s leaning against the gym and rubbing the bridge of his nose when he hears you

- “everything alright?”

- you two were pretty close because he found out that you had a crush on iwaizumi in your second year and tried to set you two up (it didn’t work because he’s pretty bad at being a wingman)

- even when iwaizumi rejected you, oikawa had already grown to like your presence, so you two stayed friends despite how his best friend broke your heart

- “y/n-chan! what are you doing here so early?”

- “just returning a book to the library before the librarian knocks down my door and kicks my ass for having an overdue library book. what are you doing here so early?”

- “would you believe me if i said that i was practicing volleyball?”

- you look him up and down, and the smell of fresh cologne reaches your nostrils. his uniform is neatly put together.

- “looking like that? no, no i would not.”

- “well, what would you believe?”

- “i don’t know .. the truth maybe?”

- “the truth is embarrassing and is defamation to my good name.” that makes you raise your brow at him.

- “okay now i only want to hear the truth. i will not accept anything but the truth. now tell me, what kind of embarrassment have you proved yourself to be this morning?”

- “so mean, y/n-chan! now i see why you so very adored our precious iwa-chan.”

- you groan because you don’t want to remember that rejection. “oh just hurry up and embarrass yourself instead of embarrassing me.”

- “but it’s quite embarrassing.”

- “come on, spit it out.”

- “i may or may not have told iwa-chan, makki, and mattsun that i have a girlfriend when i don’t have one.”

- you look at him like he’s the dumbest person you’ve ever met, because at that moment, you really believed that he was. “couldn’t you just … i don’t know … accept one of your many, many confessions?”

- oikawa tells you about his fear of his sister and the second-year that just confessed to him

- you find yourself admiring his sister because she’s probably the one person on this planet that can humble oikawa tooru (the next person to be able to do so will be you, but you don’t know that yet)

- after hearing his explanation you get an idea. “can’t you ask someone to fake being in a relationship with you? you know, so you don’t get the angry sister devil/angel thing on your shoulder?” (LOL if you don’t get what the angel/devil thing that i’m talking about is, it’s like when you have an imaginary angel and a devil that sits on your shoulders and criticizes every choice you make)

- “are you offering, y/n?” he has that shit-eating grin on his face again, so you know he’s mostly joking

- “hmm, i don’t know. i think you’ll have to formally ask me to be your fake girlfriend. it’s only polite after all.”

- oikawa blinks for a second because he didn’t actually think you were serious. “what?”

- “are you going to ask me to be your fake girlfriend or not? maybe throw in a flower and i’ll say yes.”

- oh. oh.

- well, he wasn’t going to let what might be his only opportunity to get someone to fake date him pass by

- he looks around and sees a small flower on the ground and picks it

- he takes both your hands and puts the flower in one of them before saying, “y/n-chan will you, take me, oikawa tooru, as your loving pretend boyfriend, and save me from irrevocable embarrassment?”

- you laugh in his face because he’s trying so hard not to laugh through his “proposal.”

- “minus points for not getting on one knee but i guess i do.”

- you mainly did it because you may have already gotten rejected by iwaizumi, but you did like the possibility of being friends with him, and fake dating oikawa would probably let you do that

- you also kind of felt bad for oikawa, knowing that he wasn’t exaggerating how embarrassing it would be if his teammates found out he was lying

- when you and oikawa walk up to the seijoh third-years while holding hands, makki and mattsun are jostling each other while iwaizumi looks mildly surprised

- “see matsun! pay up!”

- oikawa and you both look in surprise as mattsun reluctantly shoves a few bills into makki’s awaiting hand

- oikawa’s looking between them both. “what bet did you use me for this time?”

- “i bet mattsun that you and y/n secretly liked each other.”

- blink blink

- iwaizumi sees the mildly awkward situation brewing so he says, “anyways, y/n if you ever get tired of this dumbass, you’re more than welcome into our group. we’ll just kick oikawa out.”

- after that, you and oikawa fall into a dating routine easily (you have a pretty busy schedule too so both you and oikawa understand each other schedules well)

- usually this is where oikawa’s relationships fail. he spends so much time with volleyball and the team that he doesn’t really spend time with his significant others

- it’s different with you though. maybe it’s the fact that the stakes aren’t so high because it’s only a fake relationship after all, or maybe it’s because unlike his past significant others, you don’t mind spending most of your time and “dates” with the other seijoh third-years, or maybe it’s because he remembers that locker room conversation and he wants to prove to makki, mattsun, and iwaizumi that he can be a good boyfriend (even if it’s a good fake boyfriend)

- dates with oikawa are usually laid-back because he’s tired from practice (so like walks in the park, getting ice cream, or study dates where you don’t get much done because you spend most of it just laughing and cooking in his kitchen)

- you find that he’s secretly a decent cook (the only thing keeping from saying that he’s a good cook is because he can’t cut vegetables for his life, and he also managed to accidently burn the onions you were trying to caramelize).

- neither of you acknowledge the fact that since nobody’s there to see those dates, you two technically don’t have to go on them since it’s only a fake relationship

- oh and takeru LOVES you

- seriously. he thinks you’re probably the coolest person ever (he tells you one day that he thinks you’re even cooler than oikawa and oikawa is a pouting mess the rest of your day. you can only pull him out of his slump when you jump on his back and force him to run to the bakery and buy milk bread)

- sometimes you’ll come with oikawa when he needs to watch takeru

- as takeru teaches you how to receive a volleyball, oikawa will watch you two with a little smile on his face (this loser is so whipped like man people passing by reminisce on how they were young and in love once because oikawa looks at you like that. oikawa doesn’t notice that he’s doing it though.)

- you sometimes spend time at his house with iwaizumi or on select days just by yourself (mostly for study dates or for watching weird sci-fi movies that oikawa seems to love)

- since you’re at his house so often, oikawa’s mother takes a liking to you because “you finally got her boy to care about something that isn’t volleyball.”

- it’s when oikawa groans a “moooom” in response that you start to feel those pesky butterflies

- oikawa will run up to you after games and just hold you tightly (he tells himself that it’s because his fan club and the team are watching, but really it’s because he can’t thank you enough for being there because he just plays better when you’re watching)

- my god, dUDE . he has no idea that he loves you like . MAN .

- mattsun, makki, and iwaizumi always tease oikawa about how you’re so much cooler than him

- oikawa whines to you and says, “y/n-channn they’re being mean again!”

- “what do you want me to do about it?”

- oikawa pouts like the baby he is and says, “kiss,” while pointing to his cheek. you give in and a round of groans comes from mattsun and makki. oikawa looks so smug and those pesky stomach feelings come back. iwaizumi is smiling to himself.

- speaking of iwaizumi

- you two become best friends after he finds you looking dejected as you wait for oikawa to get out of practice. you confided with him about how your relationship was all pretend. you might have also told him that you may be teensy bit in love with his captain

- iwaizumi tells you that, “there are some things you just ... can’t fake. the way that shithead looks at you is one of them. trust me.”

- he also tells you that his suspicion that you and oikawa had this weird spark was what kept him from ever reciprocating your feelings and why he rejected you (oikawa literally tried being your wingman before by texting iwaizumi things like “did you see how pretty y/n was today? don’t you think she was pretty?” and “iwa-chan! y/n is so funny and that’s coming from me, so she really is funny! i think maybe you should talk to her to see what i’m talking about (≧◡≦)”)

- at this point everyone knows that you’re in love with oikawa for real (except for oikawa himself)

- everyone also knows that oikawa’s fallen for you (except for oikawa himself, and you because you refuse to believe it)

- the moment he realizes he’s in love with you is on another one of those dates that you both know you don’t have to have but still choose to have anyway

- you’re making milk bread and he’s helping to measure the ingredients when he turns around to see you covered in flour and he just kinda stops

- and he realizes

- like yeah he’s been getting that small tugging feeling with you a lot over these past few months

- but now he finally realizes it’s because he’s in love with you

- he’s staring for a long time and for a second you think he’s going to make fun of your flour-coated self, but he’s staring at you with that look and you’re confused

- “everything okay? is there something wrong? did you mess up the measurements?”

- then an idea hits him

- “something’s wrong. it’s kind of embarassing though.”

- “what is it?”

- “no but it’s really embarrassing.”

- “what .. what is it?”

- cue cheeky little grin. “i think i might’ve fallen in love with my fake girlfriend. i don’t have another flower to ask her out though. i hope she doesn’t say no.”

- you kiss him for the first time then and take pride in the fact that you get him covered in flour in the process

KUROO.

- it happened the second day that you were at the tokyo training camp

- kuroo was with bokuto and a few of the karasuno first-years when bokuto started telling the first-years that kuroo had a girlfriend because he saw kuroo helping you carry your bags the day before (listen . this man is like . clueless when it comes to emotions sometimes i’msosorry)

- kuroo got this confused look on his face because he thought he would remember getting a girlfriend. “i do?”

- “don’t you? remember the girl you were holding hands with yesterday?”

- this was all some big misunderstanding

- so basically what happened was this: you’re shinzen’s team manager and you were tasked with carrying bags of equipment to the training center. kuroo was waiting for kenma to finish talking with lev (more like trying to avoid though lmao) and noticed that you were struggling so he came over to help

- kuroo figured that bokuto must’ve seen him holding the bags for you and assumed that something must’ve been going on (or maybe he looked over for the split second when kuroo held your hand in order to transfer the bags to his hand)

- he was about to clear things up when lo and behold, you walked into the gym

- “kuroo look! it’s your girlfriend! hey, come join us!”

- bless bokuto’s soul. bless that poor, oblivious soul.

- you walked up to them and looked at kuroo like “what??”

- you remembered him from the day before, but you didn’t remember ever agreeing to being his girlfriend of any sort

- he smiled apologetically at you and asked to talk to you on the side

- “what’s going on? why did he call me your .. girlfriend?”

- “look i’m sorry, bo’s a little … i don’t know. he saw me carrying your bags yesterday and assumed. i’ll clear things up, don’t worry.”

- when you two headed back to where bokuto is standing, it was obvious that kuroo’s smooth-sailing explanation wasn’t happening anytime soon

- because lev was there, and so was yaku

- “KUROO-SENPAI? THIS IS YOUR GIRLFRIEND? SHE’S VERY PRETTY SENPAI!” (bless lev’s soul too. another part of the extremely oblivious club.)

- yaku took no hesitation in teasing kuroo. “since when does kuroo ever get any girl to like him? this is new. no offense, of course.”

- kuroo tried clearing up the air by saying, “guys- listen this has all been som-“

- hinata doesn’t let him finish either lmao “YOU’RE THE TEAM MANAGER FOR SHINZEN!” (extremely oblivious club member number 3 here)

- “a team manager, kuroo? what’d you do to get her to say yes? is she a chemistry nerd too?”

- “bo-“

- they kinda just went like that back and forth, and kuroo kept getting interrupted

- you were just laughing to the side because it was kind of funny

- you also kinda felt bad for kuroo because damn his friends had like no faith in his romantic skills at all??

- maybe that was what made you say it, but after his friends were done teasing him you said, “he’s kind of a catch though, don’t you think? nerdy and funny is a girl’s dream isn’t that what they say?”

- kuroo blinked at you because what??

- once kuroo got you alone by asking you to take a walk outside of the gym, he asked, “so … what does this make us?” (surprise, surprise, he never got the chance to tell them about the misunderstanding)

- you just shrugged because really how bad could this be? “i felt bad at how much they were teasing you, so we could keep up the fake boyfriend/girlfriend thing for the week. it shouldn’t be too bad. plus it’ll save you the embarrassment of having to tell your friends that you didn’t actually get a girlfriend.”

- you guys did pretty good for the week of the training camp

- you’d cheer him on in secret if he got a spike or a block during a practice game while simultaneously still watching shinzen’s game

- you two walked around the halls when bokuto was watching just to keep up pretenses

- you learned that he’s a major nerd during these walks, which you found really endearing

- on the last day of camp, he tried to throw pieces of broccoli in your mouth (he didn’t stop until he finally got it in after his 9th try)

- you guys initially planned to “break up” after the camp was over

- but here comes bokuto again

- “hey y/n! kuroo, akaashi, and i were gonna go out for karaoke tomorrow if you wanna join.”

- you grew to like bokuto too so you said you’d come

- it was actually a really fun night

- you and kuroo sang a duet together

- he also stole some of your ramen

- you took a video of bokuto as he serenaded akaashi

- when you guys are leaving to go home, bokuto goes “you two are so cute. y/n do me a favor and don’t break up with kuroo until after the qualifiers would you? i wanna play him at his full game.” (again. seriously, he basically is the greatest accidental wingman ever)

- “we can’t break his heart, can we?”

- “no, we can’t.”

- and so your fake relationship starts

- you don’t get to visit each other often because you don’t live in the same vicinity, but you guys text often (it’s a friend thing, you both swear to yourselves)

- on weekends when kuroo’s not spending time with kenma, he’ll ask you to meet him at a park or a cafe (you two always send selfies to bokuto during every date)

- dates with him are always really fun because he’s spontaneous and also very active so sometimes he’ll take you by the hand and just drag you places

- he is not afraid to smear different colors of ice cream on your nose and call you some obscure name from some really old movie that he may have watched that week

- he also makes you push him on the swings

- the little kids get mad because what is this rooster man doing taking up a swing when he’s so old

- you laugh at him when the kids eventually come up to him and ask if they can use the swing

- dates will usually last the whole day because you’re both fine with just walking around and randomly finding stuff to do

- with all that time spent talking, you two also get to know each other really well

- like basically your life stories

- it took him a while to open up and at first he insists that you tell your story first, but after a while you notice how he starts letting little things about his life slip here and there until he starts telling you bigger portions

- you also get really close with kenma

- not close close the way him and kuroo are, but kenma would probably see you as his second closest friend

- that’s why sometimes kenma tags along with you guys (it doesn’t feel like third wheeling or anything because both you and kuroo enjoy kenma’s presence as much as each other’s)

- eventually, once you two got the hang of it, you’re like the couple that everyone likes

- because you’re both pretty funny and overall just have nice vibes

- his team starts to call you mom and dad as a joke because sometimes when shinzen doesn’t have practice, you’ll stop by at nekoma at the end of practice just to say hi

- they’re not wrong about the mom and dad thing though (it’s a really cute dynamic though i swear)

- your team used to not like him at first because they were protective of you, but eventually they reluctantly warmed up to him

- they threatened to demolish him if he hurt you though

- LMAO ANYWAYS .. MOVING ON

- you guys have lots of study dates too!!

- since you’re both busy because of volleyball related things, a lot of your schedule lines up with each other (this also means that kuroo knows when you haven’t had time to study)

- you’ll be sitting on his bed on your stomach with your legs draped across his thighs as you read your textbook and he’ll be sitting against his bed frame reading one of his assigned readings (i also like to think that kuroo has glasses for these readings that only you and kenma have seen)

- sometimes, when you finish studying before he finishes, you’ll come up behind him and just start to play with his hair

- his hair is actually really soft despite looking like a bird built its nest in it

- you also have two of his jackets that are just lying around your house

- he likes when you wear them because he thinks you look so cute (he doesn’t tell you that though)

- after a while, it’s like both of you have forgotten that this was all a ruse just so bokuto wouldn’t get heartbroken after you two break up

- at this point, kuroo has learned all your quirks, habits, and has also memorized your schedule

- like … he doesn’t realize that he’s fallen for you until someone points it out

- he realizes he’s fallen for you on the day that shinzen loses in the tournament (this would be your last match)

- now nekoma just played a game, but kuroo’s first instinct is to check whether or not shinzen won (he’s been doing this for every game in the tournament)

- when he sees that you lost, he knows that you’ll be sad and in need of a pick me up

- as kenma and him are packing up, he says, “shinzen lost today. i probably can’t make it to your house tonight. y/n will probably want to go out with her team for a bit, but she’ll probably crash at my place. do you think i should make her a strawberry cake? or maybe she’ll want onigiri? no, she’ll probably want the cake. she always gets the little smile with her one dimple whenever she eats my strawberry cake. makes me proud.”

- kenma’s just looking at kuroo with arched eyebrows because HIS BEST FRIEND IS WHIPPED

- kuroo doesn’t get why kenma’s looking at him like that because he thinks about things like that all the time. “what??”

- oh kenma knows your relationship is fake

- so he just looks at kuroo and says, “try to refrain getting down on one knee today. i doubt you have a ring, and i’ll bet that y/n will want a confession of you being hopelessly, madly in love with her before you propose by the way.”

- kuroo kind of freezes and blinks at him.

- “wh … what?”

- “kuro, do i really need to spell out for you that you’re totally smitten with her? you have been for a while now.”

- “have not.”

- “yes, you have.”

- “have not.”

- “yes, you have.”

- “have not.”

- “yes, you have.”

- at this point, kuroo knows that kenma’s onto something, but kuroo doesn’t wanna jump to conclusions until he sees you again

- when you knock on his door and run straight into his arms that night, he knows kenma’s right

- like you’re balling into his chest and he gets that feeling that he wants to hold you forever and never let go

- and he knows. he knows.

- after you start to calm down, he offers you the cake that he made just for you

- he swears that he feels ten times lighter after he sees that exact smile with the exact dimple on your face

- now kuroo may be loud, and rambunctious at times, but when he loves, it’s quiet, simple, but not any less there

- as you finish eating the cake, kuroo notices that there’s a few pink crumbs on your lips

- and he kisses you

- like a “slow, hand on the cheek, nose touching after he pulls away” kind of kiss

- “i made a realization today. kenma told me to hold back on proposing, so i’ll go with confessing instead.”

- you’re looking up at him with your heart beating hard in your chest

- “i think you might’ve made me fall in love with you.”

sorry if there are any mistakes lmao i tried catching all of them but ... 6k words ...... yanno. .....

#oikawa x reader #oikawa headcanons #oikawa fluff #atsumu x reader #atsumu headcanons #atsumu fluff #kuroo x reader #kuroo headcanons #kuroo fluff #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu fluff

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interrogatethecat · 2 years

Text

am I gay?

word count: 1.5k

insp comes from this post that showed up on my dash today. these two are idiots and I love them. the rest is under the cut or on ao3!

Dean is fairly certain that he’s too old for this.

This is the kind of thing that twelve year olds send their friends to make fun of them. That teenagers make sure is wiped from their browser history (Dean is so doing that after he’s done). It is not what a forty year old man does while sitting in his kitchen. Yet here he is, in his forties, pulling up one of those stupid am I gay? quizzes while he sits, back against the wall, in the bunker’s kitchen.

Everyone, even Dean, knows that these things don’t work. They’re all stupid questions about star signs and complex coffee drinks and what do you think about Lady Gaga? They’re just a bunch of bs, supposed to be a joke. Dean so fucking desperate, though, that he can’t really bring himself to care how ridiculous it is that he’s trusting Buzzfeed to explain his ever precarious heterosexuality.

At least this quiz seems at least somewhat legit.

For those unsure of their sexual orientation, the header reads.

There’s half a second where Dean thinks again about how stupid this is and how he should really be in his room— what if Sam or, god forbid Cas walks in— and then he clicks start quiz.

What do you consider yourself? is the first question. Straight, gay, bisexual, asexual, or not sure?

Dean nearly rolls his eyes. Why would he be taking an am I gay quiz if he was sure? He clicks on the last option.

Have you ever had feelings for a member of the same sex?

He can’t help his snort. There’s the crux of the problem. The goddamn tingling in his stomach he gets when he’s around Cas that’s a little too similar to butterflies.

Who’s he kidding? They’re totally butterflies. His stomach erupts into full-fledged butterflies whenever Cas smiles at him or texts him with emoticons or starts the coffee pot before Dean gets up. Whenever— well, whenever Cas is being Cas. Dean can’t really blame himself for getting a crush on Cas because Cas is awesome. The fact of the matter is, though, that Cas is a man, or at least, man-shaped, and Dean is pretty sure he isn’t gay. Or, he thought he wasn’t.

But what does Dean know? He’s clicking on yes, I was in love with someone of the same sex on some online quiz while having a sexuality crisis.

He barely has time to begin reading the next question before he hears footsteps in the kitchen doorway. His head snaps up.

“Um,” Cas says, “Hello, Dean. Do you mind if I sit down?”

Now, Dean Winchester is a man. A very manly man. Possibly a Less Than Heterosexual Man, but still a very manly man.

He blushes. Hard.

“Uh,” he says eloquently. “Hi. Cas. Uh, sure. Knock yourself out, there are plenty of chairs.”

Cas offers him a small quirk of his lips. “Thank you,” he says, still sounding a little wooden and awkward. The butterflies in Dean’s stomach start acting up again.

And that is exactly how Dean finds himself taking a sexuality quiz across the table from his best friend who’s the reason he feels like some questioning teenager in the first place.

Fuck. His. Life.

Cas, thankfully, doesn’t ask what Dean is doing on his laptop. He pulls out a laptop of his own from under his arm and opens it.

Dean stares. Which is fine, because Cas’ gaze is fixed on his screen. He isn’t going to notice the attention Dean pays to his features, the curve of his mouth and line of his jaw. He won’t see the way Dean’s face softens when Cas squints at the computer and scrunches up his face. He’s not going to notice the way Dean’s eyes trace his face. Or get stuck on his lips.

They’d be nice lips to kiss.

God, why is he even taking this stupid quiz? There’s his answer right there.

A foot nudges Dean’s under the table and he hurriedly looks back at his screen. Back at his stupid quiz.

“You’re staring,” Cas says.

Dean glances back up at him. Cas is even more beautiful when he’s got blush dusting his cheeks. He isn’t looking at Dean.

Dean yanks his eyes back down and knocks his foot back against Cas’.

“Not like you can talk,” he quips. “Do you even know how to blink?”

“Of course,” Cas says, straight-faced, “It’s a natural bodily function.” It’s not long before his eyes crinkle and give him away.

“Coulda fooled me,” Dean says. He smiles back, too. Takes in Cas’ crow’s eyes. They’re a recent development and they suit him. It’s been a long time since Dean has really thought of Cas’ body as a vessel, but as it— he— ages, it’s hard to believe that this body ever belonged to someone else. Cas is at home in it, and the soft lines around his eyes only make it clearer.

The moment stretches.

Only after Dean realizes how long he and Cas have just been staring at each other does he duck his head and go back to the computer. He’d better not be blushing again.

Have you ever had feelings for someone of the opposite sex? the next question prompts.

Yeah, definitely. Robin. Cassie. He had loved both of them, and had at least cared for Lisa. Click. Next question.

“Dean,” Cas says suddenly, “how would you respond if someone thought we were together?”

Dean freezes mid-sentence, then forces himself to relax. He must have heard that wrong. “Huh?”

“How would you respond if someone thought we were romantically or sexually involved with each other?” Cas asks.

“Uh.” If Dean wasn’t blushing before, he certainly is now. “Like. A couple?”

Cas surveys him before shortly nodding. “Yes. Like a couple.”

“I dunno, man,” Dean says. He can’t look at his computer right now (the question how would you feel about touching the genitals of another person of the same sex is not helping the situation) so he looks at Cas. Then past him at the knife block, because looking at Cas isn’t helping the situation either. “Who, uh. Who’d think we were a couple?”

“Sam often talks about how ‘buddy-buddy’ we are,” Cas says, air quotes and all. “I would be unsurprised if that would be a conclusion he came to.”

Dean chokes on air. This truly is a circle of Hell Dante never imagined.

“Well, I mean,” he struggles to force out an answer, “it’s Sam. He’s— Sam. He’s probably just been eating too much salad.”

Cas hums, clicks something on his laptop, and nods.

“Thank you,” he says, as though Dean isn’t about to die on the spot.

Dean takes a subtle breath. This is fine. He’s fine. Everything is fine. He’s just going to finish this stupid quiz, find out if some dude who lives in his parents’ basement thinks he’s gay or not, and get the hell outta dodge before Cas gives him an aneurysm.

He speeds through the questions without any interruptions. Clicks submit answers. The browser loads, and—

“Dean,” Cas says, just as Dean reads, Congrats! You may be bisexual! “I have a question.”

Dean just wants one minute to process. One minute to read the little informative blurb on the page and see how he feels about it. He doesn’t get that minute; he pretends he’s not having a revelation and answers, “Yeah?”

“Are you romantically interested in me?”

Dean wants to pass away on the spot.

“What? Why would you think that?” he asks, voice a little higher than usual.

“According to thequiz.com, you are ‘so into’ me,” Cas says, turning his laptop to face Dean.

Is your BFF secretly into you? Take the quiz! the header reads, then below it, Your BFF is so into you.

Dean opens and closes his mouth a few times before choking out a weak “oh.”

Cas is still watching him carefully, searching for something in his expression. Whatever it is, he doesn’t find it. He shuts down, turning the computer back towards himself.

“My apologies,” he says, eyes downcast. He closes the laptop and moves to stand.

Dean practically throws his laptop at him. “I might be bisexual,” he blurts. “And maybe, uh. Definitely into you. Don’t need a quiz to tell me that. So.”

Cas looks at Dean and then the screen. Then Dean again.

Dean forgets to breathe.

Cas breaks out in a gummy smile. Somehow, that takes Dean’s breath away, too.

“We could go on a date,” he says, “if you want.”

“Okay,” Cas agrees.

“Okay,” Dean says. “Awesome.”

They stand there, grinning at each other like the idiots they are (did they seriously just get together because of some stupid online quizzes? Dean thinks so) until Dean starts, “So do I need to take a quiz to figure out if I can kiss you, or—?”

He doesn’t. Cas just leans across the table, and it’s really fucking amazing.

He totally forgets to clear his search history. Oops. Not like he cares, though, when a few days later he and Cas are holding hands and playing footsie under the table in some dime a dozen diner on a date.

tag list: @blue-eyed-cutiepatootie @glowstickcas @starrynightdeancas @floral-cas @castielsbeeslippers @dune-echo @gayhuckleberryinatrenchcoat @fellshish @bestiarum @top13zepptraxx @linaraiscorner @theedorksinlove @destiel-is-canon-i-guess @justcastiel

let me know if you want to be added or removed :)

#these dorks i love em #the real question is who introduced cas to online quizzes #there are many right answers. go!#spn #dean winchester #castiel #destiel #my fic #my writing

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thran-duils · 3 years

Text

Learn Her Place

Title: Learn Her Place Summary: Fem!Omega!Reader x Alpha!Tony Stark x Alpha!Steve Rogers x Alpha!Bucky Barnes. The reader works for S.H.I.E.L.D. and is on suppressants. In this universe, we obviously are working with multiple Alphas being able to share an Omega. The reader has had sex before but it has been with Betas. She is very distracting to the Alphas and they’re tired of not being able to focus on their work, so they decide to make sure her suppressants no longer work and she is where they think she belongs. Without the suppressants, the reader succumbs to her hormones very quickly. Words: 4,894 Warnings (for the fic in entirety): Non-con, ABO dynamics, smut, breeding, brief mention of infidelity, multiple partners, angst. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK! Author’s Note: Kudos to whoever picks up on the movie line reference

Masterpost

Steve hated it.

Watching her come back from one-night stands with Betas and not feel any remorse about it.

She was an Omega and was granted freedom by the suppressants given to her. She was wasting her fertile cycles away on frivolous orgasms with random strangers. She was able to infiltrate regular society, mainly hide herself away into the crowd. It was not foolproof though.

There was still something there during what her cycle should be. If one did not know she was Omega, they would not attribute the feeling of arousal to her. But he – along with every other high ranking agent – knew she was and it was that much easier to pinpoint it. He could pick up on it and it made him clench his fists every time she was in close proximity, her infiltrating all his senses. He saw the other Alphas in the room tense too at those times, having a difficult time focusing on the mission briefs with her sitting so close. And one of those times was right the hell now. Tony was staring at her abashedly across the table, his fingers at his lips, his jaw clenched. His stare could be excused, he was an intense person. Bucky, next to Steve, chewed on his cheeks while he tried avoiding looking over at her.

It was selfish.

And foolish because the suppressants only did so much, and they acted like it was a solve all. S.H.I.E.L.D was trying so hard to be inclusive and it was only serving to bring down focus and morale when all they wanted to do was mount one of their team members who was acting above her Omega rank.

She had raised her hand and was answering a question. She was smart, there was no doubt about that. She had worked really hard to get up to this level and she continued to go above and beyond.

But…

Steve’s eyes raked down her clavicle to where the top of her breasts were exposed above her shirt. She most certainly had a push up on. His thoughts trailed to what they looked like bare. How they would look at different angles… when she was riding him, below him, from the side… all the different positions he could get her in. His favorite: cradled in his arms, his hand on her round stomach…

He snapped to attention when Wanda literally snapped her fingers in front of his face. He had been spacing out.

“You alright?” she snorted.

“Yeah, fine,” he said rubbing the back of his neck. He gathered up his file and got up from the table without another word, walking towards the door.

He spotted her down the hall, speaking with Thor. Thor was enthralled, looking at whatever she was showing him in her file. He was a huge teddy bear, just like Bruce.

Steve caught sight of Tony and Bucky coming to stand next to him, their eyes fixated on her too down the hallway.

“Anyone else not catch a single thing that was said in that meeting?” Bucky half joked.

“She’s distracting,” Steve snapped in hushed tones. “How do they not notice the affect she has? Has no one said anything?”

“Oh, I’ve already brought it up,” Tony told Steve and Bucky, rolling his eyes. “They’re marking it up to me not being able to ‘control myself’ and shaming me for it.” He added scornfully, “Were you forced to watch that goddamn video—”

“Where they were described as ‘delicate flowers’? Yeah, I did. And was that supposed to make us feel any better about thinking about them being put in harm’s way?” Bucky muttered, shaking his head. “They shouldn’t be putting her out in the field. Here in the office is one thing. But they shouldn’t be putting any position outside. They’re too susceptible to persuasion.”

Tony said, “That’s why it’s supposed to be secret about their Omega status.”

“I don’t like them out there,” Bucky repeated. “Not just for them but for the rest of our safety too.”

Thor was so close to her, laughing at whatever she had said. He was not affected at all. Steve ground his teeth watching that in front of him. She was comfortable around him, her hand coming to rest on his arm. He felt jealously scratching away at his insides, knowing she was in a cycle.

“It’s gonna drive me insane if I don’t leave,” Tony grated, tearing his eyes away from her to focus on the other two. “You going to the party tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” Bucky and Steve said in unison, still staring down the hall.

Tony snorted, “Who the hell planned it on a Thursday, anyhow? Don’t get too worked up if she takes a random person home. I for one won’t be there to witness that. That is unless…” He pulled a syringe out of his pocket, holding it up and Bucky swiped it in the blink of an eye, making it disappear again. Tony threw him a wry smile and said, “I think it’s about time. Don’t hesitate too long now since she’s just gone into the cycle. It’ll take a day or two though to work, remember! And don’t let Banner catch you with that.”

He clapped Bucky on the shoulder before turning on his heel, leaving the other two Alphas to stew.

<><><>

Bucky and Steve walked into the loud club, finding everyone in disarray already in the VIP area. They had been on last minute mission and had returned late and the party was already well underway. The upper space of the club was packed of S.H.I.E.L.D agents at all varying stages of intoxication. Some had set up tables to play poker – something normally illegal in clubs but no one was bothering them – as well as varying card games.

Of course both of their attention was drawn in towards Y/N. Clint was laughing at the fact she had walked back from up the stairs with a sandwich shoved halfway in her mouth. “Y/N! The food is on the way! You remember? That we ordered?”

“But I’m hungry now,” she whined, her mouth full. “And Wanda asked for half of it!”

“You’re such a baby,” Clint laughed barely keeping it together.

Wanda was in stitches, her head thrown back against her chair. Vision was laughing in tandem with Wanda, following her movement. She only laughed harder when Y/N held out the untouched part of the sandwich that was supposed to be for her.

“Thank you,” Wanda said, taking deep breaths as she tried to stifle her laughter.

Natasha appeared at Bucky and Steve’s sides, raising her eyebrows. “They are drunk,” Natasha hissed at them over the music.

And she smirked then, an unfamiliar kind of smirk. And Steve cocked his head.

“Are you drunk?”

She shrugged sheepishly which was all the answer they needed.

You grasped onto Steve’s arm, startling him. “Have you guys done shots yet?”

Steve’s eyes flicked down to her hand only for a moment and he could feel every press of her hand into his bicep. He looked back up at her and told her, “I can’t get drunk, Y/N.”

“Oh, right,” she said looking immediately pitying of him. She rubbed his arm excessively in her drunk state and he stiffened, his jaw clicking. “I’m sorry. I forgot!” She laughed, noticing how stiff he was and poked him in the chest. “You need to loosen up, Steve.”

“I’ll try,” he said forcing a smile.

“You too, Bucky,” she commented eyeing his stoic expression. She touched the side of his face and he inhaled sharply. She giggled at the response and said, “Maybe you’ll feel better after a drink? You can get drunk right?”

Before he could respond, her attention was drawn elsewhere by Wanda. As soon as she was gone, Steve let out a frustrated sigh and Bucky mirrored his state.

“She’s not taking care of herself,” Bucky murmured, shaking his head. “Anyone could take her home. Anyone!”

“Yeah, well, we’ll make sure that doesn’t happen,” Steve returned firmly. Bucky frowned and Steve rolled his eyes, “You can have some drinks. I’ll just be the sober eyes.”

“Thanks for that leeway, but this has gone on long enough hasn’t it?” Bucky asked.

“It has,” Steve exhaled heavily. Y/N was holding Clint’s hand as they danced their way down the staircase from the VIP section, away from where him and Bucky were standing.

Steve was close to her all night, especially on the dance floor. At one point, he grabbed a female Alpha who had started grinding on Y/N and yanked her away. The other Alpha had started to get buck until she realized who exactly she was trying to fight. He was not a hard man to mistake, not with all the press conferences and his mere presence on top of that. She gritted her teeth before leaving seeing his icy stare, taking the hint. Y/N was oblivious, dancing to the techno music, hands in the air still with Clint and Wanda.

Y/N fanned herself and her hands came to the hem of her shirt. Steve’s eyes almost bugged out of his head as she began to tear it off. Steve was at her side immediately, grabbing the shirt before she could remove it completely, yanking it back down.

She focused in on him, confused, and he demanded inches from her face, “What are you doing?”

“It’s hot,” she yelled at him over the music, as if that was a reasonable explanation for her behavior. He imagined all the eyes on her now, his blood pumping in his ears.

Steve shook his head and grasped her arm, pulling her through the crowd.

“Steve!” he heard Clint call from behind him, but it went ignored.

Bucky knew when Steve walked by with Y/N it was time. He got up, following Steve’s movement away from the VIP section towards a more isolated part of the club. Y/N was asking Steve where he was taking her before Bucky snuck up and administered the shot before Y/N could even react to his presence.

She began to ask, “What the hell…” but her eyes were already drooping.

Steve caught her before her knees gave out from beneath her. She was conscious but she was far past coherent. She groaned in his arms and he picked her up, hushing her.

“Wish I could have gotten even two drinks in before that,” Bucky said, eyes searching the club. He looked towards the hall and said, “Should try to take her out a back way or…?”

“She was reckless,” Steve grumbled in his ear as she slumped into his side. “Let’s take her home. She shouldn’t remember any of this. But no, let’s take her back by so everyone can see how ‘drunk’ she is.”

“Right, good idea,” Bucky agreed.

<><><>

Tony walked in, seeing Y/N at the break room table already, at 7:00am. But, her head was resting on her forearms, a large cup of coffee next to her. He looked over his shoulder, seeing people were walking by in the hallway. Slowly, he closed the door, the handle clicking into place when it was fully closed. She did not stir, and he cocked his head. She must really be out.

He tapped her shoulder and she grumbled, sitting back uncomfortably. She was squinting at him and recognized him, before rubbing at her eyes.

“You alright?” he asked, feigning concern.

“Yeah, just… not feeling great,” she told him.

Hungover. Every clue of it clear as day to everyone else. But Tony was not everyone else. He knew this was not a withdrawal from alcohol but another drug entirely. Her body was correcting itself from that nasty medication, right at the height of her heat.

“You should be drinking water instead of coffee,” Tony told her, his Alpha peaking in his tone.

It was an easy way to worm himself in. He was not supposed to do this – but they had also not been supposed to administer that drug without her consent –, it was against protocol. But he just had to know. He had to see if she would respond.

Simultaneously to his surprise and not, she made eye contact with him. He saw… doe eyes. She quickly averted her gaze and looked at her cup.

“You’re right,” she told him.

Tony watched her with arousal as she got up and tossed the coffee in the sink. She went towards the fridge, but Tony was already there, opening it up to grab a water bottle for her.

“Let me,” he told her, and she stopped, looking at him patiently as he held it out to her.

She took it from him, taking a drink. “Thanks. I… I really don’t feel great.”

Tony pointed at her and said, “You probably need oxygen. And a lot of water.”

“Oxygen?”

“Clears a hangover pretty quickly.”

“Oh, I’m not—” she began to stammer, and he could not help his lip twitching in amusement at her looking embarrassed.

Tony chuckled, “It’s alright. The party was last night. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

Y/N looked unsure if she should relax or not for a few moments before she relented, nodding. “Yeah, what idiot decided tequila shots was the way to start off the night?”

“Probably the same idiot who planned it to be on a Thursday.”

“Thirsty Thursday,” she mumbled, taking another drink.

“Thirsty Thursday,” Tony agreed lightly. “Eat something too. Something healthy. Fruit, maybe.” She grumbled in response but nodded as she sat back down at the table. She swiped an apple from the center of the table and took a large bite. Tony watched her for a few more seconds, anticipation nipping at his heels before he parted with, “Feel better.”

He needed to tell Bucky and Steve she should be ready by tonight if she was already reacting to him like that.

<><><>

Y/N was the last one in her office, the other two had gone home already. She looked up at Tony walking into the office, carrying a bag. Her stomach growled at the smell coming from the bag, her eyes falling to it. Tony only stalled for a moment, the smell of her coming to him. She was tumbling fast, she looked flushed.

Tony approached her desk, a friendly glint in his eye. “Ah, you are still here. Here, we ordered some food. I always go for greasy at some point after drinking and I’m sure it’ll help.” She looked past him to where Bucky and Steve were in the hallway.

“You didn’t have to do that,” Y/N told him timidly.

Tony loved the sight: she was tying to avoid direct eye contact, speaking in soft tones.

“Just thought we’d be nice.”

“Thank you.” She would not grab it from him. “Today has been… I don’t know. I can’t focus. I need to finish this before I leave. I just… I don’t feel great,” she said her voice getting smaller as her eyes were dragged back to her computer screen.

Tony ordered, “Press save and close the laptop. Eat.” He placed the bag on her desk. “It’ll help.”

He turned to leave, and she blurted, “Where are you going?”

Tony came to a stop, his gaze locked with Steve and Bucky, his back to her. To them, he gave them a sly, knowing smile that only lasted a few seconds before he turned back to her.

“I mean, you don’t have to leave and go eat somewhere else if you already have your food too. You don’t want it to get cold. I promise I’m not throwing up or anything. I just feel off. Like a headache… a little hot.”

She wanted them to stay, that was obvious. She needed something from them and even if she could not figure out what it was just yet, her body was telling her they were needed.

“Sure,” Tony chirped. “If it won’t bother you.”

She shook her head and he started walking back towards the desk beside hers. His suit jacket came off, and he swung it around the back of the chair. Steve and Bucky had come into the room as well, purposely leaving the door open. Bucky sat across from Y/N, his eyes following her movements as she opened the bag Tony had placed in front of her. He watched the way her hands shook ever so slightly, her tongue running across her bottom lip as she opened the container of food.

Y/N made a satisfied sound as she tasted it. “God, thank you. This is delicious. I needed it. I feel… shaky.”

The three of them around her was making it difficult for her to focus though. She kept stealing glances at them, being met with blatant stares back as they slowly ate. Steve adjusted, trying to hide his length that was starting to grow at her being so damn close and smelling so damn good.

Tony spilled some on the desk and said, “Shit!”

Before she could offer he was leaning over her, reaching across the grab a kleenex from the other side of her desk. He heard her inhale and he forced himself to not react, sitting back down, dabbing at the food he had spilled. His jaw was clenched; he should not have done that because now he was working himself up quickly.

The three of them noticed her chewing slowed to a stop and her eyes moved between the three of them. Something was starting to click… the tense silence in the room getting under her skin. The off feeling no doubt growing ever stronger.

Swallowing, she cleared her throat. Her voice was higher pitched than normal, “Do you guys want a cookie? To go with it for after, I mean? I… there’s some over here.”

She pushed her chair back quickly and moved away from her desk. Along the wall, she fumbled with the drawers, looking for these mysterious cookies. She was getting squirrelly, nervous, like she wanted some air. They could all sense it and they wanted to get ahead of her stressing out while they could. All three were out of their seats: Bucky strode across the room away from her, closing the door while Tony and Steve came closer towards her.

Y/N turned around startled at them all having moved so quickly, holding a handful of fortune cookies. Bucky leaned against the doorframe, staring directly back at her. She gave a small laugh, “Are people still working out there? Were we being too loud, do you think?”

Tony and Steve said nothing and her smile faltered, a frown growing. “Can…Can I just… get by,” she said trying to skirt around them but each time, one of them blocked her way. She tried to brush it off, holding the cookie out. “Do you just want it now?”

She asked, so innocently. Sweetly. Steve shuddered at it. She could not hide her true nature even in her tone. And the phrasing, the three of them smirked.

Bucky was still by the door, leaning against the frame. He popped a chocolate in his mouth, watching the scene unfold.

“Well, I would really like to get eat—” She said, trying again to break through their rank and being unsuccessful. She frowned visibly now, worry lines showing up on her face. She chuckled nervously, “Did I do something wrong?”

Steve noticed the spiral coming. He could hear the increase in her heartrate. She knew she was surrounded by Alphas and was growing uncomfortable. Especially since she was alone, it was late, and they were encroaching. His hand came up to slap over her mouth and she yelled frightened, the sound muffled. He pulled her away from the counter, dragging her back towards the third desk. Tony was ready, grabbing her arms and twisting them behind her back, slipping the retractable cuffs around her wrists. The cookies tumbled to the floor and he paid them no mind, stepping on them as he passed her to Steve solely. Her arms were bound at the small of her back and she fell face first against the table. All three of them were growing hard at the sight.

As soon as Steve removed his hand she began to scream, and he clamped back down.

“Omega,” Steve purred in her ear and she whimpered behind his hand. He laced his tone, his Alpha rumbling, “You’re going to be quiet aren’t you?” She said nothing, her chest just rapidly moving up and down. “Omega… are you gonna be quiet? Nod for me if you are gonna be good.” She nodded frantically against his hand and he slowly removed it.

Tearfully, she said, “Can you let me go?”

“Oh, no. No, we can’t, beautiful,” Steve said, his finger running down her exposed neck, causing her to squirm. He pulled away, turning his attention to Tony.

“But… I… I didn’t do anything wrong,” she tried to plead, looking at Bucky across the desk to where he was standing at the door. “I followed all the rules. I—” Tony’s hands lifted up underneath her dress and she let out a choked noise, craning her neck to look back at him. “Alpha, please!”

Tony audibly groaned at her slipping up and giving in to calling him by his title. He yanked her leggings and underwear down to her ankles. He freed himself from his slacks and his fingers pressed at her pussy. She buried her face in the desk, trying to squeeze her legs together.

“Oh, come now. None of that,” Tony ordered, and she loosened. His fingers pressed in, stroking her slowly. She was already wet, probably had been for the better part of the day. It is why the three of them had stayed away, they could have lost control before now and ruined it all otherwise.

“You’re not being punished, Omega,” he told her. “Rewarded actually…” She whimpered and he cooed as he continued stroking her gently, “Oh, sweetpea… beautiful Omega. You’re going to be just fine. You’re in the perfect hands. You feel sick for a reason and we are going to help you.”

The more he spoke, the more he watched her body relax against his hand and his tone. The smell of her was driving him insane – he could only imagine Steve and Bucky not being able to touch her at all. He should not stall for long, wouldn’t want to start a fight.

“You’re going to feel so much better,” Tony promised as she tried to push back on his fingers, and he bit his lip at the sight. His fingers were gone, and she let out a disappointed noise. Tony rubbed his cock up and down her ass, slowly. “God, this is gonna feel so fucking good.”

Tony’s head pressed in and she gasped, adjusting to his width. He gave a strangled laugh, relishing in how tight her walls were. She was squirming beneath him and he gave her a rapt smack on the ass.

“I know you haven’t had an Alpha cock before but relax, Omega,” Tony ordered gruffly.

“It’s too much,” she said pitifully.

“You’ll adjust. You’ll adjust,” Tony moaned, pressing in further. “You’ll be able to take all of me. All of us. It’s what you were built for.”

Bucky was becoming shifty, chewing on his thumb nail, his eyes boring into Y/N. He had stepped away from the door, coming closer to where she was. His dick was outlined in his jeans but he had refrained from releasing himself just yet. Steve on the other hand had taken his cock out and was stroking himself, needing some type of contact. Both of their eyes were blown wide.

“Oh. Tony,” Bucky said, aroused. “You would love this sight.”

Y/N’s eyes were glazed over as Tony thrusts grew deeper and quicker. Looking the perfect example of a subservient Omega, impaled on an Alpha’s cock.

“I love the feeling,” Tony choked back, holding tight to her wrists to drive himself deeper.

Soon, they came tumbling down. Tony came with loud grunts, emptying inside of her and he left a claim mark on her shoulder. Tony only took a moment to kiss at her neck, whispering something sweet into her ear before he backed off. His pants were buttoned back up and he collapsed in one of the chairs, his eyes falling on her.

Steve wasted no time coming behind her and entering her with ease. She whimpered at the intrusion, still so sensitive. His thrusts were unbridled, worked up into a frenzy. Y/N’s hips bounced off the desk.

“Alpha,” she whined.

“You’re okay, you’re okay,” Steve panted, his fingers digging into the skin at her hips. “You feel so goddamn good, Omega. You’re doing so well. So, so well. Everything I dreamed.”

The room was filled with skin slapping skin and the aroused moans leaving Y/N.

“Alpha,” she whined again, and Steve groaned, knowing she was getting close. He could feel her clenching around him.

And when she did, shaking and whimpering, Steve thrusted quickly as she tightened. He finished with a shout unable to help himself, coating her walls. He left another distinct claim bite at the base of her neck. His fingers traced it gently before he noticed Bucky standing there.

“You know, for an Alpha. Buck, you sure as hell are patient,” Steve joked.

Bucky gave a curt smirk before shoving Steve out of the way. Steve held his hands up in surrender, turning away and letting Bucky have his way with her. Y/N was doing so well still, behaving and letting Bucky rut her into the desk without pushback. Bucky had been right, Tony thought to himself. He loved that look in her eyes. She was lost to her arousal.

“P-p-please, alpha,” she begged moments before she cried out again.

Bucky grunted loudly, his thrusts becoming more erratic, chasing his high. He shook as he emptied himself and went to the opposite shoulder to leave another claim mark. She was exhausted, breathing heavily having not one but three Alphas imprinting themselves on her and using her.

The door opened and all three of them froze, Bucky still buried in Y/N, his large hands at her hips.

Clint was standing there, his mouth fallen open in disbelief at the scene. There were a few seconds of suspended shock before he asked them disgusted, “You couldn’t even lock it?”

“Didn’t think about it,” Tony admitted.

“You? You didn’t think? That’s rich,” Clint spat back at him. He noticed Y/N was handcuffed and realization dawned on him. He glared daggers at the three of them and snapped, “You’re going to get sidelined for this!”

“No, I don’t think so. More like chewed out… I’ve been chewed out before,” Steve said. Impatiently he added, “Now, will you close the damn door?”

His request went ignored by Clint, who pressed on furiously, “No, seriously. You guys know that right? Compromising an agent like this! Especially one they’re trying to keep up because they’re in such big demand to even out the ranks! She’s only going to respond to your Alpha commands now! That compromises her!”

“And why is anyone complaining about that? She should be answering to her superiors,” Tony remarked, watching her intently. She was so lost, trying to figure out what was going on. She had no purpose without feeling a cock being driven into her when she was this worked up into her heat. Tony almost felt bad for her…

“Barton, are you going to let Barnes pull out so we can untie her or what? She’s got to be getting sore by now. Wouldn’t want to hurt our ‘delicate flower’.” Clint stood his ground and Tony lost his humor, snapping, “Get the fuck out, Barton. It’s already been done. Now. Before I lose my goddamn temper.”

Clint’s jaw was clenched as he turned away from the three Alphas, slamming the door behind him so loudly it shook the wall.

“Speaking of that,” Bucky said, clearing his throat. He leaned in, catching her attention. “Darling… do you want Alpha to finish inside you?” She nodded fervently and Bucky grunted in response, rutting against her backside even as he pulled away from her. He pulled her up and she stood on shaky legs. In her ear, he asked, “Do you want to always be finished inside of?” She nodded again, biting her bottom lip. “Hmm… you want to please us? That’s what I thought. So. How about after you take in that feeling of that warm seed inside you, you go up to the director and tell her you want to resign? Tell her you wanna be a good little housewife for us? How does that sound?”

“Okay,” she agreed.

Steve’s fingers pressed her cheeks in, pressing her lips out and he smiled. “You wanna be an asset to the team in your best way. Such a team player.” He shot Tony a look at the end of the desk, an aroused gleam in his eye. “I’m sure we can get you a proper collar.”

“I’ve already got it built. I’ve been waiting for her to learn her place.” Tony then added, “But she can’t live with me. Pepper will kill me.”

“I’ve got it,” Steve said.

Steve rubbed her stomach and said, “Regardless, she’s gonna be serving her real purpose soon.”

~~~

Forever tags: @coconutqueen21

#abo marvel #steve rogers x reader #tony stark x reader #bucky barnes x reader #alpha steve rogers #alpha tony stark #alpha bucky barnes #my shit #dark smut

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laurenairay · 3 years

Text

Unexpected - K. Hayes

Summary: After being just friends with Kevin for over four years, can you ever be anything more?

Word Count: 10.2k

Warnings: a little angst, a lot of fluff, a smidgen of smut, friends to lovers because that’s my jam

A/N: so this originally started as a blurb which got mildly out of hand and turned into this fic. I have repeated the scene from the blurb to keep the flow the same. I have no regrets.

This is particularly inspired from Talk About by Seaforth (thanks @antoineroussel!) and Just Friends by Virginia to Vegas (thanks @broadstbroskis!)

@danglesnipecelly @princessphilly @chicagoblackhawkslover96 @himbos-on-ice @whoeverineedtobe @flybabyfly @ipuckwithhockey @antoineroussel @babytkachuks @broadstbroskis @texanstarslove @tippedbykreider @thebookofmags @horsesandhockeyplayers @denis-scorianov @lulucanwrite @rangersftflyers @notaccurateornice @pandorasbox2020 @mattytkachuk19 @whatishockey @no-pucks-given @fanfics-for-the-hockey-fan @troubatrain @joelsfarabee @nuenyyx @miracleonice87

A party was never just a simple party when Kevin Hayes was involved. Music was pounding, beer was flowing, shots were poured, and weed was an easy haze on the back porch. You had no idea what the occasion was for one of your oldest friends to be throwing this shindig, but you weren’t complaining. Hanging out with him and relaxing after a long hard day was infinitely better than sitting at home and eating cold pizza. Again.

People always teased you about being so close with Kevin, always hinting that there must be something more between you, but you just laughed it off, knowing that he would never be interested. How could he? He had the perfect hockey WAGs lining up in queues to flirt with him – and you were just his friend. You’d known each other since you both lived in Tribeca years ago, and there had never been anything to even hint at anything more than friends. He’d never flirted with you outside of his natural charm. He’d never made a move on you in the slightest. He’d never shown the smallest bit of interest in anything other than platonic – so you knew how he felt. And to be honest, his friendship was amazing and it was something you never wanted to lose, so why would you put yourself out there when you already knew what the answer would be?

No, being friends with Kevin Hayes was exactly where you were meant to be.

You’d spent a few hours with a rotating cast of Flyers and their better halves, drinking and sharing stories about your mutual friend, but it had been a while since you’d seen him. At least a couple of non-Kevin hours. So what if you got a little needy when you were drinking? How could you not want a hug from your beautiful friend? No, bad drunk brain. Crossing that line was never worth it.

You still wanted that hug though.

So bidding the other drunk partygoers adieu, you wandered about the house in search of Kevin, coming up empty in every room…until you spotted smoke outside the kitchen window. Hah, of course. You knew how much he loved to wind down with a blunt or two. His easygoing nature was one of the things you loved most about him.

Putting down your empty drink, you walked outside, spotting Kevin and Nolan lounging on the outside sofas, Nolan with a blunt in his hand.

“Hey! You’re here!” Kevin grinned.

You shook your head fondly, wafting the pungent smoke out of your face.

“I’ve been here for hours, Kev. You’ve already seen me,” you said, smiling.

Kevin pouted, and Nolan just snickered, making you laugh.

“Weed always makes you forgetful,” you mused, sitting down on the seating next to him.

“Nuh-uh I don’t forget everything,” Kevin shrugged, turning to face you properly, “Not the important things. Like the fact that I love you, you know that right?”

Your jaw dropped slightly as his words hit you. What the everloving fuck? Why would he joke like that?

“Goddamn Kev, how high are you?” you asked, frowning.

Without waiting for him to answer, you looked over at Nolan, who just shrugged.

“I don’t know, he’s pretty baked. But I’m going to let you deal with all of that,” Nolan grimaced, waving a hand in Kevin’s general direction.

You rolled your eyes as he quickly passed Kevin the blunt and walked back inside. Yeah, thanks for the help.

“Why did Patty leave?” Kevin asked, frowning.

“Because he’s allergic to emotions? I don’t know. Maybe he just knows that you’re talking shit and he doesn’t want to deal with it,” you muttered.

“I’m not talking shit,” Kevin shot back, “I love you,”

“No you don’t,” you said, rolling your eyes again.

Seriously? Where had this come from? This wasn’t fair, he couldn’t say that when you knew it wasn’t true. Where had he gotten this lot of weed from? Clearly it didn’t agree with him.

“Yes I do! I know my own feelings,” Kevin insisted.

“Right, yeah, sure you do,” you sighed.

You were neither drunk enough nor high enough for this conversation. This was…not how you expected this evening to go. And just like that, your good mood was ruined.

“You don’t believe me, do you?” Kevin asked softly.

“Not even in the slightest, Kev,” you said, smiling sadly.

Of course you didn’t. Why, after all this time, would he be saying the words you most wanted to hear from him? There was no logic behind it – there was no way it could be true. He’d never ever shown any hint of this to be true.

“I’ll prove it to you,” he said firmly.

And then he placed his hand on your thigh, making you inhale sharply, the warmth of his large hand sending tingles through your body. No.

“This is not the time or place, Kevin,” you said shortly, “You are stoned out of your fucking mind,”

“You said my full name. You never say my full name,” he said sadly.

Of course that’s what he picked up out of that. Clearly he wasn’t going to get any easier to talk to…and while normally that made for some pretty fun conversation, tonight it wasn’t going to happen. And you couldn’t sit around and listen to more of this.

“I’m just going to go,” you sighed, nudging his hand off your thigh and standing upright.

“What? No!” Kevin said, eyes wide and sad.

“I can’t,” you said, forcing a smile, “I can’t stay and hear this, when I know you don’t mean it when you’re sober,”

“But…”

“I’ll send Nolan back out, okay? I’ll…talk to you later, Kev,” you said firmly, interrupting him.

Without waiting for another answer, you quickly walked back into the house, heartbeat racing in your ears and a lump in your throat. At least you didn’t have to go far to look for Nolan – he was standing just inside in the kitchen.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” he frowned.

You just shook your head, smiling thinly, not wanting to go into it. “I’m going to go,”

“But he…”

“Kev will be fine – you don’t mind going back out there with him, right?” you said, interrupting.

Nolan pressed his lips together but shook his head. “No, I don’t mind,”

“Good. Good. Um, I’m sure I’ll see you around?” you offered.

Would you? Who knows. How long would you even need before you could see Kevin again without your heart aching?

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Nolan nodded.

You missed the determined look in the younger man’s eyes as you walked away, too intent on locating your jacket without giving in to the tears that were threatening to fall. Sleep, sobering up and some distance – that would help, right?

01:21

From: Kevin

Why did you leave?

Please come back?

01:57

From: Kevin

I meant it.

I swear I meant it.

Please call me.

03:00

Missed call – Kevin

10:17

From: Kevin

Fuck I fell asleep.

Are you ignoring me?

Please call me when you get this.

10:35

From: Kevin

I get it if you don’t love me back.

But please don’t ignore me, I can’t take that.

Please call me?

We need to talk. Please.

10:55

From: Kevin

Please?

11:00

To: Kevin

Kev, I can’t do this.

It’s too much.

Please just give me time and space.

11:02

From: Nolan

I’ve taken Kev’s phone off him.

His sad face is too much.

I know you asked for space and I’ll make sure he gives it to you.

But please, just think over what he said?

You know he doesn’t say shit he doesn’t mean, not when it’s important.

11:17

To: Nolan

Yeah, okay. I’ll think it over.

Mornings were generally your worst time of day. But this morning in particular was a terrible one. The slight bleurgh of lingering sleep made you feel groggy enough, but nothing that a quick shower and a slice of buttered toast couldn’t fix. No, this morning was terrible because your heart was still aching from three days ago. You still had no idea what Kevin was playing at, acting like that around you, but it hurt and you knew you weren’t going to be able to forget it any time soon. Kevin’s increasingly desperate text messages and the single message from Nolan hung over you like a bad shadow, but you knew were right about not just giving in straight away – you were still emotional enough now as it was, and you knew it wouldn’t have been a good idea to see Kevin immediately. No, space was exactly what you needed, even if it hurt.

Your second cup of coffee woke you up enough at least to not leave you in a pit of despair. Like Nolan had asked, you’d thought about Kevin’s words over and over again. His declaration of love, out of nowhere. His confusion and sadness and fucking desperation. You know he doesn’t say shit he doesn’t mean, not when it’s important. It still didn’t give you the answer, any answer. Because in your heart, there was still that little whisper of doubt, telling you it wasn’t true, not really. And unless you were 100% sure, there was no way you could take that chance, not with Kevin. His friendship was too important in your life to risk not having it at all, so if it meant needing time to get over him and drag yourself out of this swirling despair then you would take it.

Despair was for people who didn’t have a life to get on with. You had lived long enough without Kevin in your life before you’d met him, and you could damn well succeed in living without his presence for a couple of weeks or so. At least until you’d built up those walls again.

It had been three days and the struggle was real.

Around 9am, you were jolted out of your thoughts by a series of knocks on your front door. With a frown, you walked over to the entrance hallway, and peeked through the peep-hole, only to see Kevin. What the fuck? Why was he here?

He had a sad but determined look on this face, you could see that much – fuck, was he going to say he didn’t mean anything he said that night? That now he’d thought about it properly, it wasn’t real? It was bad enough hearing his emotions from him when high as a kite, but you couldn’t bear for him to admit it was fake when he was sober. But maybe it was what you deserved, seeing as you’d asked for time and space. Fuck. No, you’d definitely done the right thing for you…but had you done the right thing for Kevin?

What you did know for sure was that you couldn’t leave him standing outside, when he knew full well that you had no real plans today. He knew your schedule too well for that. So with a deep breath, you put on a smile and opened the door. There he stood, eyes warm albeit sleepy, that hair so perfectly tousled. Why did he have to hit every single tickbox on your list? How was that fair?

“Look who’s up before midday on an off-day,” you teased, “What are you doing here?”

Kevin smiled at your teasing, but it was as fake as you knew your smile was. Fuck. “I was in the neighbourhood and figured I’d see what you were up to. Mind if I come in?”

Ouch. He definitely wasn’t in the neighbourhood, he was here for one reason only. To talk. Fuck.

But you nodded, letting him past you into your apartment anyway. He’d given you three days’ space, like you’d asked, it was only fair that you let him say his piece now right?

“Coffee?” you asked, shutting the door behind him.

“Yes please,” Kevin groaned, nodding.

Your smile slipped a little as you headed to the kitchen, you heart already aching with the preparation of it being broken completely, but you managed to keep yourself together as you reached for the coffee pot, pouring him a large mug of the caffeinated lifeblood in silence.

“Here you go,” you said as cheerfully as you could manage.

“Thanks,” he said, smiling.

He sat down at the kitchen island, looking up at you with those beautiful big eyes, until you sat down opposite him.

“I still mean it, y’know,” he said bluntly.

You frowned, not understanding. “Mean what?”

“Mean what I said that night. That I love you,”

Oh God. Fuck. Your breath hitched in your throat, your lips parting in surprise. What…what was he doing?

“Kev, please don’t…”

“No, I’m going to,” Kevin interrupted, uncharacteristically solemn, “Because you seem to have some pretty incorrect ideas in your head and I need to set them straight,”

You swallowed heavily, biting your bottom lip. How were you even supposed to respond to that? Kevin saw the anxious look on your face clear as day, his own seriousness softening to a sad smile.

“Patty said you looked pretty upset when you left that night,” he said softly.

You shook your head, desperate for a sliver of control. “I wasn’t upset, I-”

“Even if he hadn’t spent the last three days ripping into me, I know you were upset. You’ve never just left like that,” Kevin said firmly.

Normally, you hated being interrupted. But in this case, you really had nothing else you could say. Nothing that you could say, not when he knew you so well.

“No, I haven’t,” you sighed, leaning back in your chair.

“I’m sorry that me confessing how I felt made you leave but I wasn’t messing around! I was trying gather the high courage to tell you, after all this time!” Kevin said desperately.

Holy shit. Holy fucking shit.

He was serious, wasn’t he? Of course he had to bulldoze right through, in typical Kevin Hayes style.

But Kevin took your silence the wrong way.

“How could you not have known?” he frowned.

“How could I possibly have known, Kev? I’ve seen you flirting with women before – and you’re never like that around me. How could I have known that you wanted anything more than friendship when you’ve never acted like it?” you retorted.

Kevin’s cheeks flushed, and he ducked his head briefly, before he looked back up at you. Fuck, he looked a little sad? Like...like he was about to genuinely open up his heart. Fuck.

“I always thought you weren’t interested in me. Why would you be interested in dumb stoner Kevin? I figured if I could only ever have you as a friend then I would latch onto that, because having you in my life in any way is so much better than not having you in my life at all,” he said sadly.

You had never heard him this eloquent before. To be honest, it made your heart ache all over again. But he was never like this…why now?

“Are you still high?” you asked, frowning.

Kevin laughed dryly, shaking his head. “Why do I have to be high to tell you how I feel?”

“Because that’s literally the only time you’ve ever said it before?” you said, raising an eyebrow.

Kevin groaned softly, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck.

“You know meaningful stuff doesn’t come all that easily to me,” he huffed.

“I also know you’re not just Kevin-the-hockey-playing-himbo-from-Boston,” you pointed out, smiling slightly.

Kevin laughed softly. “You always have figured me out pretty well,”

“I’m just not a mind reader,” you mused.

He laughed again, nodding his head. “I guess I just…I saw you and I had to say it. I’ve liked you for years, sweetheart, ever since we lived in Tribeca. And I thought, maybe, just maybe, you getting your job transferred to Philly meant that it was finally our time. But it never happened. Maybe it was the weed. Maybe it was the weed and how beautiful you looked combined that actually took down those barriers which have kept me from blurting out my feelings in the past. But I swear to you, I meant every word,”

Sweetheart. Wow. Never had that word affected you more. You swallowed heavily, looking down at your hands. It was true that you’d always been able to read him well – and he was being so sincere right now that it had your stomach tied in knots. He really meant it, didn’t he? He really meant…that he loves you. That he’s loved you for years. Fuck.

It was everything you’d hoped to hear, and you’d spent the last three days trying to convince yourself he didn’t mean it. But he really did mean it, didn’t he?

“Say it again,” you murmured.

The grin that spread across Kevin’s lips sent a shiver up your spine.

“I love you,” he said clearly, firmly, looking directly into your eyes.

Your breath hitched in your throat, butterflies exploding in your stomach. Fuck that was so good to hear. Holy fucking shit.

“Kevin…” you whispered helplessly.

“I gotta know…because I’m holding onto a scrap of hope that you feel the same…do you…”

He trailed off, his voice a little desperate, a little lost, and you found yourself nodding like an idiot, tears springing to your eyes. If he could be brave, then so could you.

“Yes, Kev, I do. I love you so much,” you admitted.

Kevin laughed in triumph, a little incredulous, and he quickly stood up from the island, taking one large step towards you, and tugging you to stand up on your feet too.

“Fuck, fuck, can I kiss you?” he asked, happiness sparkling in his eyes.

You found yourself laughing, but nodded and clutched at his sweater, holding on in case your weak knees gave out on you. Kevin grinned, resting his forehead against yours briefly, before he closed the distance between you with a firm kiss. You couldn’t help but melt into his arms, kissing him back just as eagerly, throwing your arms around his neck a little desperately as his tongue slid against yours. His hands went to your hips and he easily picked you up to place you on the kitchen counter, and you gasped into his mouth at how effortless the motion was, moaning a little as he just stepped right in between your legs. It felt like second nature to hook your legs around his waist, pulling your bodies even closer together, earning a soft moan from the man that sent a pulse of heat right between your thighs. Fuck.

“Kev, wait, we shouldn’t…” you gasped, tilting your head back to break the kiss.

Because as much as you wanted to hop right into bed with him, you needed to let him know that this wasn’t all this was for you. It couldn’t be.

“Fuck, you gotta know this is more than sex for me, right?” Kevin groaned, eyes a little wild as he looked down at you.

How did he always know what to say?

“Again, I’m not a mind reader,” you laughed.

Kevin laughed as well, ducking his head to press gentle kisses into the soft skin of your neck.

“I want to take you out on so many dates. I want to tell my mom about you properly rather than just mention you in passing. I want to ignore Patty crowing in the locker room that he gave me the kick up the ass that I needed. I want to tell Brady and Jimmy that I finally took a chance. I want to show you off to the world as my girlfriend,” Kevin murmured between kisses, finishing with a nip to your earlobe.

Fuck. That was all that you wanted, and he was offering it up on a silver platter.

“I want that too,” you gasped, tilting your head more to the side.

You felt Kevin smile against your skin, nipping at you again before he lifted his head to look at you properly.

“Now can I kiss you again?” Kevin asked hopefully.

You laughed but nodded, threading your fingers through his messy curls. “You can kiss me any time you want,”

Kevin grinned and did just that.

Pulling into the practice arena, Kevin realised he still had a stupid smile on his face. He’d spent all morning at your apartment, mostly making out on the sofa with a little talking dotted throughout, and he’d only been able to tear himself away because Nolan had texted to remind him about the mandatory afternoon practice today. Obviously he would much rather have stayed with you, especially now that he knew what it was like to kiss you, how your lips felt against his, how easy it was to hold you in his arms, but if he skipped practice there would be hell to pay.

That, and he now knew how easily he could get carried away, how easily he could get lost in you. He hadn’t lied when he said that this was more than sex for him. Loving you was everything – overwhelming, all-consuming and wonderful – and there was no way he was going to let sex ruin that. As much as he already knew it would be incredible. He’d waited four years to be in your bed more than platonically, he could wait a little longer. Especially now that he knew you loved him too.

Fuck, you were finally his. He could finally call you his girlfriend. Fuck.

Kevin was so lost in his thoughts as he parked his car, that he didn’t notice a familiar figure walking up to him, and flinched as they knocked on the window. Nolan. Fuck.

“Way to give me a heart attack, baby cat,” Kevin groaned as he got out of the car.

“You made me catch a lift with Teeks last minute – now we’re even,” Nolan smirked.

Kevin just laughed, rolling his eyes as he pulled his bag out of his car and locked it. When he turned back to look at his friend, he saw that Nolan looked incredibly smug, almost unbearably so, and steeled himself for an interrogation. He hadn’t exactly been forthcoming in his text earlier to say that Nolan would have to find his own way to practice. Oops.

“Please tell me you came from your New York girl’s place,”

Hah, your New York girl. When you’d first moved job to Philadelphia, Kevin had referred to you as ‘a girl friend from New York’, to try to play it cool, to try to hide how excited he was that you were finally going to be reunited…and the name had stuck. Pretty much everyone on the team, including some who’d been traded away, referred to you as ‘your New York girl’, mainly because of how red Kevin had blushed when Claude had called you that when you’d first met the team.

The team liked teasing their usually-unflappable teammate.

You liked that Kevin talked about you in the first place.

Kevin just liked that people had always called you his.

“Yeah, I did,” Kevin shrugged, trying to play it cool.

But Nolan just rolled his eyes, not having any of it.

“You two talked right? Like, actually talked,” Nolan asked firmly.

That and other things. But Nolan didn’t need to know that. Kevin just smirked, nodding, and laughed as Nolan whooped.

“I swear to god I’m not getting those three days back, you owe me so bad. And I’m claiming victory for this matchmaking,” Nolan grinned.

“Meddling more like it,” Kevin mused, rolling his eyes, “You got the result you wanted though,”

“I did?”

“You did,”

“Fucking finally,” Nolan groaned.

“Finally what?”

Kevin turned his head to see Claude walking up behind them and winced. If Nolan kept his mouth shut then maybe Kevin had a chance of not being ridiculed for the entirety of practice…

“Hayesy ditched me to finally talk about his feelings,” Nolan smirked.

Oof.

“With your New York girl? Fucking finally,” Claude grinned.

One day that nickname would fade. One day.

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. Better late than never,” Kevin mused.

“Only took you a few years,” Nolan snorted.

Four long miserable years. But who was counting.

“Well I’m glad you finally took a chance. Fuck knows it’s been painful enough watching the two of you dance around each other,” Claude teased, before his face suddenly went serious, “She returned your feelings, right? Like, fuck-”

“She did,” Kevin said, interrupting, “She loves me too,”

Saying it out loud like that made him grin, earning laughter from his two teammates.

“Thank fuck for that,” Claude huffed, teasing with a grin of his own.

Thank fuck indeed.

From: Kevin

Dinner at mine tonight?

I’ve got that wine you like…

To: Kevin

You had me at wine.

What time do you want me?

From: Kevin

I always want you.

I’ll have food ready for 7pm.

But come over whenever!

To: Kevin

You ridiculous flirt.

Can’t wait to see you.

Kevin’s messages kept a smile on your face for the rest of your work day, and you didn’t bother going back to your apartment after work – heading straight to his place was all you could think about, so that’s all that you did. And the smile that he greeted you with when he opened the door – bright, genuine, happy – told you that you’d made the right decision.

“Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes,” Kevin murmured, tugging you against his body.

You couldn’t help but laugh, leaning into his hold as he shut the door behind you. “Flattery will get you everywhere,” you grinned.

Kevin grinned back. “Good to know,”

You rolled your eyes fondly, leaning up on your tiptoes to press your lips to his in a soft kiss, smiling at the happy noise he made as you embraced sweetly, your arms sliding up his chest and around his neck. Fuck, even just knowing that you could do this now, kiss him whenever you wanted, sent a shiver up your spine, let alone how good it felt to brush your tongue against his. It was like the floodgates had opened – now that you could kiss him, touch him, hold him, you never wanted to stop. You took every opportunity, and Kevin was exactly the same – maybe even more so, with the way his hands always seemed to stray to your ass.

The kisses eventually slowed to a few gentle pecks, Kevin looking a little stunned even as he tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear.

“Hi,” you murmured.

“Hi,” he said back, a little helplessly.

Both of you laughed, Kevin resting his forehead against yours briefly before he stepped backwards a little, taking both of your hands with his.

“I gotta finish up some dinner prep, but I can pour you a glass of wine while you wait?” he suggested.

Sweet, thoughtful man.

“That sounds perfect to me,” you nodded, squeezing his hands in agreement.

Dinner was perfect. Wonderful. Incredible. It was only a simple pasta dish, but full of vegetables and spices and flavour, and the fact that Kevin had clearly poured time and effort into making this for the two of you made it even more special. Sitting across from him at the dinner table, each talking about your days, Kevin making your sides ache with laughter…it was all you could ever have dreamed of.

Was it all too good to be true?

That niggling thought followed you to the sofa after you’d finished eating, Kevin joining you with two fresh glasses of wine. He spotted your creased forehead and frown immediately, like you feared knew he would.

“What’s that face for?” Kevin mused, raising an eyebrow.

Sometimes it was a blessing how easily he could read you. But you weren’t sure if now was one of those times. As his smile started to slip, you took a deep breath, steeling yourself. There was no point in hiding your thoughts from him. Honesty and communication were a good thing, right?

“I guess I’m just nervous, that’s all,” you admitted.

Kevin frowned to match you, his eyes immediately going serious. “Nervous? Why?”

“Things are just different now. You know that,”

Kevin’s frown immediately shifted to a smile, making your heart beat a little faster. His faith in you was mindblowing. “It’s just you and me, how it’s always been. How it always should be. Nothing’s different about that,”

But still you shook your head, smiling fondly. “I know you as Kevin-the-friend. I don’t know you as Kevin-the-boyfriend. It’s whole new territory…and I have a horrible thought in my mind saying that it’s all too good to be true,”

Kevin’s face fell again at your words, and he quickly put his wine glass on the coffee table, shaking his head as he reached out to take one of your hands in his. Your breath hitched in your throat at the emotion in his eyes, like it genuinely hurt him to hear the words that came out of your mouth, and you put your own glass down on the floor with a wince.

“Are you…having second thoughts? About…us?” he said quietly, like the words left a bitter taste in his mouth.

You quickly shook your head – you knew that wasn’t it. Not even close. But still…

“What is it then?” Kevin asked, confused.

Here goes nothing. “Sometimes it doesn’t feel real, us being together. Like I’m going to wake up and you’re going to want to only be just friends. It scares me,”

“Shit,” Kevin groaned, eyes closing briefly.

When his eyes reopened his eyes to look at you once more, the fire in his expression startled you…but also made your mouth go dry. That intensity was a good look on him, one you hadn’t seen directed your way before. Fuck.

“Sweetheart, I can’t predict the future. Hell, I can barely figure out what to make for breakfast, let alone where our relationship is going to go. But I do know one thing for certain,” he said firmly.

You swallowed heavily, letting out a shaky breath. “And what’s that?”

“That I want us to have a future. That I am all in. I’m putting my whole heart into this baby, and I just wish I knew what to do so you would believe me,”

Fuck, you did believe him. You absolutely did believe him. How could you not, when you could feel his heart so strongly?

“Kev, I…” you trailed off, a little helpless, not sure where to start.

“What can I do?” he asked, eyes a little desperate.

“I don’t know! I wish I knew. I want this to work so badly,” you murmured.

“All we can do is put the hard work in, right?” he said firmly, eyes bright and shining, “Like, if we both try with our whole hearts, then it’s got to be worth it, right? We’ve been friends for years – that isn’t going to change. We have that foundation already. Now we’re just taking that next step, learning more about each other, rather than starting something scary from scratch,”

Your eyes filled with tears at his heartfelt words, and you found yourself nodding before you could stop yourself.

“It’s still scary…but it could be scarier,” you agreed, biting your bottom lip.

Kevin nodded, smiling encouragingly, to which you let out a shaky breath.

“And no matter what, we’re in this together, yeah? We’ve got each other, more so than ever before,” he said softly.

Your eyes dropped to where his thumb ran back and forth over your hand, a small smile spreading across your lips. “I like the sound of that,”

Kevin’s shoulders seemed to relax a little, like he was letting out tension, sending a guilty pang through your body. Fuck, there you go, making him feel bad again.

“I’m sorry,” you mumbled, shrinking back a little.

“Hey, no, no apologies. I’m glad you told me,” he replied, shaking his head, “I’d rather we talked about stuff like this than let it build up to something ugly, y’know?”

He had a good point – you couldn’t imagine having a nasty all-out fight with Kevin, and you didn’t want to. He was one of your oldest friends for a reason, and you didn’t want to lose that through a stupid fight, no way.

“Same goes for you too, yeah? You can…should talk to me about anything that worries you,” you said softly.

Kevin smiled, nodding. “Alright, it’s a deal,”

He reached out to pick up his wine glass from the table, holding it towards you in a ‘cheers’ motion, making you laugh. But you picked up your glass from the floor anyway, and clinked it with his, both of you taking a long drink. Kevin was uncharacteristically quiet for a moment, before he quirked a smile your way.

“Let me take you out, show you what Kevin-the-boyfriend is like,” he suggested, “Let me show you that this new thing between us is going to be something amazing,”

How could you say no to that?

“I’d like that,” you grinned, relaxing into the sofa a bit more, “I already know I love Kevin-the-friend…so I think I need to meet Kevin-the-boyfriend properly,”

And as stupid as it felt saying those words out loud, you knew you were right – you needed to see this next stage in your relationship clearly, to banish away those niggling doubts. It was still Kevin, right? Just…more.

Kevin stretched his leg out onto the sofa, nudging your hip with his foot with a big smile on his face, nudging nudging nudging until you gripped his ankle tightly with your free hand, raising an eyebrow. All you got in return was his eyebrows wiggling at you, a stupid grin on his face.

“This is going to be great, you’ll see,” Kevin said cheerfully.

You were counting on it.

A first date was always something to be nervous about, right? Shaky hands, pounding heart, butterflies in the stomach, sweaty palms…it was all natural, right? Because you were experiencing all of these things while you got ready for your date with Kevin.

But was it truly nerves? You weren’t nervous as in apprehensive. No, not at all. Any time you spent with Kevin was always full of warmth and laughter, even when you were just friends, and you knew that tonight would be so different. No, it was nervous as in excited. Nervous butterflies? Shaky giddiness? Whatever it was, it was more than a little overwhelming, but it only took one glance at the last text Kevin sent you to keep a smile on your face.

From: Kevin

I can’t wait to see you, beautiful 💖

Simple, but effective. He always knew what to do and say, even when he didn’t know he was doing it. So instead of getting cold feet or freaking out, all you did was put on your favourite playlist and bop around while you got yourself ready. You’d already gotten your usual leg and bikini wax this morning, having planned to wear a slinky black dress with bare legs, and as soon as you shimmied into the dress you knew it was the right choice. Figure hugging without being clingy, sexy as well as classy – a little black dress is a classic for a reason. After putting on a little makeup and a pair of your favourite heels, you were ready.

Kevin had insisted on picking you up so he could drive the two of you to the restaurant, rather than meeting there, and he arrived to yours right on time. But as you opened the front door of your apartment to greet him, his face was a little stunned, and he was uncharacteristically silent. Huh.

“Everything okay, Kev?” you asked hesitantly.

He quickly nodded, the stunned look on his face slipping into a wide smile.

“You just look so beautiful. Caught me off guard,” he shrugged.

You felt your cheeks heat up with warmth, and you batted your hand at his chest, making him laugh. Ridiculous man.

“Well, you scrub up pretty well yourself,” you teased.

A crisp white button-up shirt, a nice fitted pair of jeans and tailored jacket? Such a good look on him. Kevin just grinned at your words, ducking his head to kiss you softly, making your breath hitch in your throat. Yeah, this was going to be a good night.

“Ready to go?” he asked, as he broke the embrace.

“Yeah, let me just grab a jacket,”

The drive to the restaurant was short and smooth – a Spanish tapas place, on recommendation from Claude – and you were shown to your table immediately, Kevin pulling out your chair for you with a bright smile on his face.

“Welcome! Here are your menus – would you like to see the drinks menu too, or do you know what you would like?”

You looked from the waiter to Kevin with a shrug, to see him looking at you with a hopeful smile. Huh. He already planned this out, didn’t he? So you just nodded at him and smiled back.

“Can we have a glass of Rosado each?” Kevin asked, smiling effortlessly.

“Of course, I will be back momentarily,”

As the waiter walked away, you raised an eyebrow at Kevin, who just shrugged a little bashfully.

“I never have any clue which wine goes with what. So I asked Claude when he recommended this place – a few of the guys around us chimed in with their thoughts too, and apparently Rosado goes with tomato-y garlic-y things. I figured that’s the majority of what we’d be eating, so I hope that’s okay” Kevin explained.

The fact that he had put so much thought into tonight, asking his friends and really researching, made your heart clench, and it was all you could do to nod. He really was so sweet – no-one had ever put in this much effort for you before.

A silence fell over you for a moment, not awkward, but still not fully comfortable, until you looked at Kevin and the both of you huffed out a laugh.

“This is weird, right?” you giggled.

“Nah, not if we don’t let it be,” he shrugged, smiling.

His ease and nonchalance was something to be jealous of, that much was true.

“So confident, Mr Hayes,” you mused, raising an eyebrow.

“Easy to be confident when I’ve got the most beautiful person in the room sitting opposite me,” he replied smoothly.

Oh so smooth.

“Kev…” you groaned, hiding your face with a hand.

“Come on, I’ve been wanting to say these things for years! Indulge me,” he teased.

Years. The very thought of it sent a shiver down your spine.

“You think I haven’t had my moments of weakness? Where I’ve thought about us over the years?” you asked simply, raising an eyebrow as you lowered your hand back into your lap.

Kevin inhaled sharply, making you smile. Good.

“I like that you have. Thought about us, I mean. I just can’t believe how stupid we’ve been. We’ve wasted so much time,” Kevin sighed.

You reached across the table, resting your hand on top of his with a smile. “We’re here now, right? That’s all that matters,”

“Yeah exactly,” he nodded.

Then he bit his bottom lip, as if he was hesitating on something, making you smile a little more.

“What is it, Kev?” you asked softly.

He stayed silent for another beat or two, before he looked at you intensely.

“I see my future with you, sweetheart,” he blurted. Oh wow. “And yeah, maybe that’s too soon to say, but this isn’t some brand new fresh thing – this has been building for years, and now that we’re finally together, it just feels so right, y’know?”

Your heart clenched at his sweet words, and you couldn’t stop the smile that spread across your lips. Fuck. Who knew a hockey player could be so open and in touch with their feelings? Well, it was Kevin after all. Might as well speak your own thoughts too.

“It does feel so right. I’ve never felt anything for anyone like I feel for you,” you admitted.

Kevin’s answering smile was a little stunned and a little helpless. “Fuck, same. Same for me,”

You ignored the butterflies filling your stomach, looking down at the menu in front of you to stop your smile going stupid. What was it about this man that made you feel so different? His honesty? His smile? His laugh? Fuck, all of that and more. All you did know was that you didn’t want it to stop.

The date continued on to become the best date you had ever been on. Not that you were surprised – it was Kevin after all, and you already knew there wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do if it would make you smile. And you were quickly learning how true it was for you too. Having all that adoration, that attention, that smile focused solely on you? It was addictive, and you didn’t want it directed towards anyone else. You wanted his whole heart, you knew that much already, and you could only hope that he wanted the same from you.

Both of you only had one glass of wine with your food, as Kevin was driving you home, and by the time the two of you had reached the front door of your apartment (Kevin had insisted on walking you to your front door, even though it was an apartment building), you felt giddy. Giddy and ridiculous and unbelievably happy. This was it, this was what you had been waiting for. This moment, this knowledge, that same confidence in this thing with Kevin that he’d had all along. You only wished it hadn’t taken you so long.

But you were here now, that’s all that mattered. You and Kevin, together. As it should be.

As you unlocked your front door, you felt yourself pausing in the doorway, Kevin making a questioning noise as you stopped moving. You bit your bottom lip gently, before taking a deep breath to steel your nerves. “Do you want to come in?” you asked, looking up into those beautiful blue eyes.

Kevin’s lips parted in surprise, a stunned expression filling his face.

“Like, come in come in?” he asked, voice a little breathy.

The sheer want in his voice made you shiver, and you knew you’d made the right decision in asking him. You could basically taste the tension between you as you nodded slowly, Kevin swaying forward as if he couldn’t help himself.

But then he stopped, freezing still, making you frown.

“Are you sure? Like, it’s not too soon?” he forced out, eyes a little wild.

So you quickly shook your head, smiling at him checking.

“Kev, it’s us, right?”

He’d been saying it for weeks, that being together was just a next step in your strong foundation of friendship, so both of you giving in to that obvious desire wouldn’t ruin anything at all. You wanted him…he wanted you…so why not take things up another notch?

“Yeah, it’s us. Endgame, baby,” Kevin grinned.

And just like that, the tension burst like a balloon, making you laugh. Yeah, this was the man you were in love with alright.

“Come on loverboy,” you laughed, rolling your eyes fondly, “Let’s not give my neighbours a show,”

Kevin smirked, wiggling his eyebrows as he followed you into your apartment, making you laugh all over again. There was none of that nervous apprehension you’d felt with other guys before – it was all just excitement, fizzing and buzzing through your skin, and your mind swirled with ideas.

Stripping him down slowly, piece by piece.

Getting your mouth on him, every inch of his body, especially his cock.

Having him pin you down on your bed, all gorgeous 6ft5 of him surrounding you in the best way.

Fuck.

“I’ve been thinking about getting my hands on you since I saw you in that dress,”

Kevin’s soft words tore you out of your lustful thoughts, and you moaned softly at the shiver it sent up your spine. Fuck yes, you were getting laid tonight and it was going to be good.

“Then how about you get your hands on me?” you suggested, corner of your lips lifting up in a smirk.

He wasted no time in pressing you into the nearest wall, barely making it out of the entrance hallway, and you laughed as his hands went straight to your ass.

“Feeling better?” you mused, toying with the top button of his shirt.

This wasn’t a fiery desperate rush, crashing about, rough and riling up – no this was a slow build-up of lust and want, much like your relationship had been a slow build-up. No, this was a slow seduction, sweet and all-consuming, bodies moving in sync and taking what they wanted. And you couldn’t fucking wait.

“Hmm, a little,” Kevin grinned back.

“Only a little huh?” you teased.

“Oh I have a few ideas of what could help,” he murmured.

The flash of heat in his eyes sent a flare of heat through your body, and you couldn’t help but to dart your tongue out to wet your bottom lip, Kevin’s eyes tracking the motion, making you smile. But you had no time to tease him before he took your lips in a kiss, making you whimper at how quickly it got heated before Kevin broke away with a gasp, leaving your head spinning.

“So that’s one idea,” he grinned.

Oh fuck, this man was going to ruin you. But not before you ruined him a little bit first.

“What’s your next idea?” you breathed.

Kevin just grinned, stepping backwards a little bit, making you whine before you could stop yourself.

“Stay right where you are, beautiful. Keep your eyes on me,”

That you could do. You dramatically placed your hands against the wall, making him laugh as he dropped his jacket carelessly to the floor, and his fingers went to the top button of his shirt. He kept his eyes on you as he slowly unbuttoned his shirt, revealing his strong broad chest inch by inch until he was able to drop it to the floor, leaving him in just his jeans. Fuck. You would never be able to get enough of the sight of him like this, let alone the touch (and you couldn’t wait for the taste) – the strength in his shoulders, his chest, his core, his arms…fuck.

“Get back over here,” you said, voice low and rough.

Kevin inhaled sharply, and he wasted no time in stumbling back over to you, arms caging you in against the wall in a way that made you want.

“Great second idea. What’s next?” you breathed.

Fuck. This was winding you up and up and up and you knew the night had barely even started.

“I want…can I taste you?” he blurted.

What? But before you could ask what he meant, Kevin dropped to his knees, making you gasp. Oh fuck. Oh yes.

“You want to be on your knees for me?” you asked, swallowing heavily.

“Yeah, so bad,” Kevin nodded, a little desperate.

Well how could you say no to that?

Biting your bottom lip, you reached up under your dress, hooking your fingers into the sides of your panties and tugging them down. Kevin whined as his view was blocked by the skirt of your dress but you just grinned. This was the least he deserved for stripping his shirt off so slowly. You let your panties drop to the floor when they were past the thickness of your thighs and slowly stepped out of them, kicking them to one side.

His move.

Kevin’s eyes were wide and dark as he raised his hands to rest on your thighs, lips slightly parted.

“Please, can I?” he murmured, thumbs brushing under the skirt hem.

Fuck. This was all too much, the desire, his patience, his asking. Bring it on.

“Yeah, go ahead,” you nodded, inhaling sharply.

He slowly dragged the skirt of your dress up to your hips, moaning softly under his breath when you were revealed bare to him. One of his hands bunched up the dress to hold it in place, the other placed large and firm on your thigh, and his thumb lightly stroked over the wetness in your folds…before he stopped.

Kevin looked up at you, wordless asking one last time. And you just nodded, too overwhelmed in the moment to utter any words, your heart racing at the very sight of him kneeling so comfortably between your thighs. With a smile, he shuffled a little closer to you, ducking his head to place a reverent kiss to your clit, making you gasp, earning a soft laugh.

“Fuck, sweetheart,” Kevin mumbled, mostly to himself.

Then he ducked his head down and dove right in, tongue running over your folds in a wide stripe, his tongue flicking at your clit in a way that made you gasp. Fuck. How was he so good at this, straight off the bat? You could feel him smirking against your skin, before his tongue flicked at your clit again, and you couldn’t stop your hips bucking to chase the feeling. Fuck. The hand holding your dress out of the way adjusted to rest across your hips, pinning you to the wall, as his tongue ran back and forth over your core, gathering and tasting your wetness, dipping in and out of you, making you clench down on nothing. You didn’t hold back the soft moans that spilled from your lips, your body trembling with how good he made you feel. But as you clenched down empty again, you knew you could feel even better.

“More, Kev, please?” you begged.

“Fuck, that’s hot,” he groaned, resting his forehead against your hip.

You giggled, pushing his hair out of his eyes so he would look up at you.

“I want more,” you said firmly, eyes holding his in challenge.

And fuck did he rise to the challenge.

Kevin buried his face back between your thighs, eagerly running his tongue back and forth over you, into you, winding you up higher and higher, until he backed off to just sucking on your clit. Then you realised why he’d changed tactic, as his fingers moved to trail through your folds. With a fingertip teasing at your entrance, Kevin looked up at you, those big blue eyes questioning, and it was all you could do to nod. Leisurely Kevin slid a finger into you, letting you get used to the intrusion before he started to move it, gentle and slow, sending sparks up your spine and making your eyes clench shut. Then his teeth scraped over your clit and you wailed at the electricity that shot through your body, eyes flying open to glare down at him, wild and weak-kneed. Kevin’s eyes just sparkled with laughter, and he wasted no time in sliding in a second finger, sucking at your clit in the same rhythm in which he fucked his fingers into you. Fuck. You could feel a familiar heat start to build and you moaned – it wasn’t fair how quickly he learned the cues of your body.

Two can play at that game.

“You look so good on your knees for me,” you breathed, running your fingers through his messy hair.

Kevin’s eyes flashed with fire as he moaned at your words, sending a shockwave through you, making you gasp. Good. He leaned back slightly, tongue darting out over his swollen lips, before he smirked.

“You look so good with my fingers inside you,” he rasped back, curling both fingers over and over again in a come hither motion, “Going to look even better on my cock,”

Game, set, and match. Fuck. You cried out as the onslaught of his fingers sent you crashing through your high, Kevin smirking before he returned his tongue to lick between the two digits, prolonging the wave of pleasure until you were shaking and overwhelmed. Kevin backed off a little bit, leaning back to sit on his heels, but his face radiated smugness, of a job well done, even as the hard line of his cock strained against the denim of his jeans.

It was all you could do to fall to your knees to join him, straddling his lap lightly as you fought to regain control over your breathing, his hands going straight to your hips where your dress had fallen back down.

“Fuck, Kev,” you said with a shaky laugh.

He just smirked, wiggling his eyebrows, making you laugh for real. Ridiculous man. Without saying another word, you rested one hand against his bare chest, lifting the other hand to cup his face. You stroked your thumb over the wetness lingering on his bottom lip, before pressing down lightly on that lip to get him to open his mouth, and Kevin took the hint straight away, accepting your thumb into his mouth. You couldn’t take your eyes away from the sight of him closing his plush lips around it, sucking the wetness away, the same wetness that was still between your thighs.

Then his teeth scraped over the pad of your thumb, imitating his treatment of your clit, making you moan and clench down on nothing, even more evident where your thighs were spread across his lips.

“You’re such a tease,” you gasped, pulling your thumb free.

“Not a tease if I’m planning on following through,” Kevin said simply, smirk still playing with his expression.

The intensity in his eyes paired with the way his hands squeezed your hips sent a shiver up your spine, and you let a small smirk of your own drift across your lips.

“Hmm, yes, you said something about how good I’ll look with your cock inside me?” you murmured.

The noise that tore from Kevin’s throat was barely human, more feral than anything else, and the want in his eyes sent a wave of heat through your body. Fuck, yes.

“Fuck, yes,” he groaned, “I know I just said it in the heat of the moment, but do you…do you want…”

“Yeah, Kev, I want,” you nodded quickly.

Kevin all but growled. “Hook your legs around my waist,” he said firmly.

What?

And then you felt his abs tense, as Kevin anchored himself to stand up from the floor with you in his arms, and you shrieked as you hurried to do as he said, hooking your ankles together against the swell of his ass.

“Fuck, that’s hot,” you breathed, arms firmly around his neck as he held you securely.

It was all you could do not to think about how your bare core was pressed against his abs. Fuck.

“Yeah?” he smirked.

You rolled your eyes fondly. “Take me to bed, Kev,”

Kevin swallowed heavily, his eyes flashing dark and serious.

“Yes ma’am,”

A party was never just a simple party when Kevin Hayes was involved. Music was pounding, beer was flowing, shots were poured, and weed was an easy haze on the back porch. At all the parties he’d thrown like this in the past, you’d always drifted to and from him, flitting from group to group just like he did, always separate. But this time, no – this time you were sitting on the sofa with his arm wrapped around your waist, leaning into his body because now you could.

And fuck did it feel good.

“So, tell us, how does it feel to be finally be called Kevin’s girl, rather than Kevin’s New York girl?” Claude grinned.

Ah yes, that nickname. Finally, it could die.

“Feels pretty fucking sweet actually,” you said simply.

Everyone on the sofas around you burst into laughter, and you could feel the rumble of Kevin’s own laughter deep in his chest. You couldn’t help but look up at him with a smile, earning an adoring smile back, as well as a soft kiss. Yeah, this was exactly where you wanted to be.

“How did you two actually meet?” Ryanne asked, smiling, “Like, I know you’ve been friends for years…but how?”

You found yourself smiling as you looked back up at Kevin, and he smiled down at you. It was true, you really had been friends with him for years at this point. And your first meeting was pretty funny.

“Go ahead,” Kevin shrugged.

His loss.

“Alright, so it went like this…”

Sunday night was grocery run night – and this week was no different. You walked into the lobby of your apartment building with both your arms full, trying to figure out how you were going to call the elevator, when you noticed a very tall guy already waiting, the elevator call button pressed. Huh, that solved that problem.

He smiled as you stopped next to him, giving you a little nod. “Hey,”

Holy shit this guy is hot. No, not the time. Tall…hot…great smile…no, focus. Be cool.

“Oh hey, you’re one of the new guys, right?” you smiled, tilting your head to look up at him.

“Yeah, I’m Kevin. I just got a place with my buddies Jimmy and Brady. A couple of floors up from you, right?”

Oh wow. He froze as your eyes widened in surprise, and groaned.

“I swear I’m not a creep?” he offered, wincing, “I’m just really good with faces,”

For some reason, you believed him. Call it intuition, or vibes, or whatever. This guy was being genuine. Huh.

“I guess I’ll have to take your word for it,” you teased.

His shoulders slumped a little as if releasing tension, making you smile. As if by fate, the elevator pinged its arrival, and Kevin gestured for you to enter first before following you in.

“So,”

You couldn’t help but laugh as you spoke in unison, Kevin just grinning. Oops.

“Go ahead,” you mused.

“I was going to say, if you fancy meeting my other flatmates too, we’re having a little housewarming of sorts. Like, a bunch of our friends are coming over, sort of a drop in and out whenever time kind of thing. It’d be nice to meet you properly, and show you I’m not actually a weirdo? Friday, if you’re free?”

Oh wow. That was really…sweet? Sure, it could blow up in your face, and he could actually be a creep…but again, those intuitive vibes were saying he wasn’t. And it definitely beats sitting at home and eating cold pizza. Again.

And damn, if his flatmates looked anything like him? Eye candy for days.

“Friday huh? I could do Friday,” you said simply, trying to keep your cool.

His answering smile let you know you’d made the right decision.

“…and after that, we became really good friends, all four of us. He never flirted with me after that time in the elevator and I tried my hardest not to flirt with him. I stayed in touch with Kev when he went to the Jets and then here to the Flyers, and he was one of the first people I got in contact with when my job moved me to Philadelphia. And then everything changed a few weeks ago. The rest is history,” you shrugged.

Kevin grinned, although he definitely had a blush on his cheeks.

“You were such a creep,” Claude said, laughing.

Kevin blushed a little fiercer. “It just came out! Of course I noticed the prettiest girl in the building – that was the least awful way I could’ve said it,”

You rolled your eyes as his friends hooted and jeered, although you felt your cheeks heat up with warmth.

“Just couldn’t help yourself, huh?” you teased.

“I got there in the end, didn’t I?” he shot back with a dramatic wink.

“Only took you a few years,” Nolan snorted.

Kevin just grinned, unashamed.

It may have taken a few years, but Kevin was right – you had gotten there in the end. All the years of self-doubt and insecurity, thinking you’d never be more than just friends, had resulted in a beautiful – if unexpected – relationship. A build-up of such a solid foundation of friendship over the past four years had already given you the opportunity to learn so much about him – and you couldn’t wait to learn even more. To learn about Kevin, the boyfriend. And, maybe even more than that, if you were lucky. Yes, unexpected as this may have been, you were in this for the long haul. And you couldn’t wait.

#my writing #kevin hayes #there's just something about this big guy #where can I find myself a guy like this kevin?#I just love a bit of friends to lovers!#kevin hayes fic #kevin hayes x reader #kevin hayes imagine #kevin hayes fanfic #friends to lovers #nhl writing #nhl fic #nhl imagine #hockey writing #hockey fic #hockey imagine

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impulsivefanwriter · 3 years

Text

A Tiny Spark Leads to a Roaring Flame (But Flames Can Always be Doused by Water)

Heeyyyyy so y’all know the Reverse Thanos Snap AU for SPBNR? Basically everyone but Smith/S!Kai gets sent to the M!verse. Everyone. The entire population of S!verse Ninjago City & a few surrounding areas. Except poor Smith. Essentially it happens because S!Garmadon tries to send Smith to a place where he can't mess with his plans, and ends up sending everyone away from Smith to take him out of the equation.

The second part to this AU is that the S!Ninja end up searching for Kai in the chaos and grab the Red Ninja before jetting out of there with the Bounty. Except... they didn’t grab Smith (who’s still home), but rather Red (M!Kai).

Red thinks the S!Ninja are babysitter clones created by Garmadon after he somehow turned Lloyd younger without his memories & is trying to raise him to be his new General #1. With this in mind, he pretends to be S!Kai, and waits for the moment he can rescue Lloyd.

What would happen in the S!Ninja discovered his deception/their mistake of grabbing a wrong Kai and mistake Red for a recreated Aki (aka Bizarro Evil Clone Kai) before he could enact his plan?

Well, this is that idea. (Title inspired by how a crack AU spiralled into a beautiful angst-fest)

Enjoy. :3

-----*-----

Red was going to get Lloyd out of here tonight.

Away from these Not-Friends made by Garmadon to emulate the Ninjaforce. Away from this flying ship built to emulate Master Wu's ship, so familiar and yet so off. Away from this false reality and back to the real everything where they could hopefully get his memories back and his age back and everything back to the way it was before the city descended into chaos.

He just had to... bide his time. Be patient.

FSM, he was bad at being patient.

His hands itched to grab Lloyd and run now, but he was horribly outnumbered and without his mech. No matter how badly he wanted to, he couldn't rush this. If he did, he would make everything worse. Like he always did.

But fate- or rather, Lloyd- had other plans.

The little version of his younger brother- yes, they were roughly the same age normally, shut up, Lloyd was still his younger brother- had been... eying him weird all morning. Not like Not-Jay and Not-Cole and Not-Zane, but like Not-Nya. Like he actually knew instead of suspected. These babysitter clones seemed to think he was the Not-Kai, and if that was the opportunity the universe was going to give him, then by the flames of the departed world was he going to skip this chance to save Lloyd.

Currently he stood on the deck of the ship as they parked in the sky a few meters above the docks on the outskirts of the city. It wasn't the docks with the Bounty warehouse, curse his luck, but it wasn't the endless sky or the empty ocean (though it was still too close to that murky, haunting water for his liking. Water was his sister's domain for a reason). At least he could sneak Lloyd off in the cover of night, maybe find someone in the city who wouldn't recognize the Son of Garmadon this way and would be willing to help them hide until they could make it back to the real ninja.

"Kai," Not-Zane spoke suddenly next to him.

Red would never get used to the way his voice... lacked the same effect the real Zane's had. The effect that Kai and the rest of his team had assured their friend over and over was unique, special, but in a good way. To embrace it. That it wasn't noticeable, but when it was, that it was so Zane that his friends didn't care that it was different.

This 'Zane' sounded much too different than his own. He hadn't recognized Kai's tested line of 'road work ahead' when they passed one of the many construction signs littering the city (even more so since the chaos happened a week ago), and instead had responded with 'a great deal of work to fix in the city'.

Seriously, Garmadon, do better research on your clones.

Not-Zane was also much too... calm. Too 'wise' compared to the wild teen that was Zane. And he walked without heelies or whatever Zane used to slide around like a boss, though he was still silent. And that meant, like now, he snuck up on Red fairly often- and Red was training to be a Ninja, so that took serious talent.

"Kai," Not-Zane said again, and Red finally broke his gaze from where he'd been staring over the railing, planning tonight's escape route. "Lunch has been made for over an hour. Are you alright?"

Red forced his brightest smile. "Course I'm alright! Just trying to figure out what happened, as usual."

Why Lloyd was suddenly like, 8, and without his memories. Why the Not-Friends were on this Not-Ship and had mistaken him for Not-Kai. Why the city was in a state of disarray and chaos.

Not-Zane studied him, then turned to give the city a sad look. "I'm not sure myself. My scanners can't seem to figure out what is happening. It is as if... blocked by some force."

Red winced, then expertly disguised the move by leaning against the rail. Zane never would use 'my scanners', despite how often Red and the others assured him it was okay. Yet another reason why this wasn't his friend.

"You know Ninjago City," Red said with a weak laugh. "Always one crisis or another. Always those annoying Garmadon Attacks"

This seemed to satisfy Not-Zane, who nodded thoughtfully. "This event definitely seems to have Garmadon's hand in the mess."

He patted Red on the back. "Well, don't worry yourself ragged, Kai. Come in for lunch soon, alright? We have training for Lloyd later."

Ah, right. Training. AKA what Red assumed was how Garmadon was planning to shape this impressionable version of his friend into his new General #1.

"I'm ready for training now, Zane!"

Speaking of Lloyd-

The little gremlin came up from the hull with the rest of the Not-Ninja. Red hated when the entire group was together; it was way more difficult to act as Not-Kai around them, especially around Not-Nya.

For starters, Not-Jay had a notch in his eyebrow that the real Jay never had. He was missing the iconic freckles, and the scarf, and the fluffy hair, though you could always say it was just a wardrobe change. What you couldn't change was the personality differences. This couldn’t be Jay. Jay was anxious and quiet, his jokes (while plentiful) said more timidly and his newest ideas shared with hesitance that only shrank after years of encouragement. He would never be this loud, ever.

Not-Cole was the leader, probably because Lloyd was so young. But even then, in Red's team, Nya would probably take second-command. Cole was their sturdy support, yes, but he was chill, laid-back. Ready to follow and support his friends to the ends of the earth with his tunes and occasional sarcastic wit, but not lead. Not like Not-Cole, who was more serious and commanding and didn't. listen. to. music. Red hadn't spotted a single record or boombox in the room in the hull. That was a tragic oversight on Garmadon's part. The members of his research team should be Fired.

And then there was Not-Nya. Who wore a dress with confidence that his sister would love but never publicly wear. Who had short hair- Nya had tried that style once, and decided it itched around her neck too much- and jewelry, and a giant flying Samurai mech suit. His sister had the Water Strider Mech, and Not-Nya had a flying combat suit. Sure. Close enough. Personality-wise they were similar.

Similar at first glance. Nya was fluid and adaptable to whatever role she needed filling. She was spunky, and as fiery as him when it came to tempers, though she knew how to keep hers in check (she had to, right? No one called her hot-headed and impulsive and reckless and blamed her temper for mistakes or damage or whatever the news comments liked to say about the Fire Mech). Not-Nya was also adaptable and independent-minded, but she seemed more rigid. More doing her own thing.

Point was, everyone wasn't actually his friends, despite how much they tried to prove they were. And they kept acting like he was this Not-Kai, who was just as hot-headed but apparently more mature and training-oriented and basically the better, cooler (or hotter, perhaps, for the fire theme of the red ninja) him, since his acting never seemed to fully convince them. Trying to impersonate a standard he couldn't seem to reach, some legendary hero he wasn't- er, wasn't yet! Yeah! He just needed to prove himself, be better, and he'd be fine. Just... fine. Yeah.

Mini-Lloyd (Red was tempted to call him L'ilyod in his head, but that felt wrong somehow, like he was infringing on some kind of copyright law) stared at him like a goddamn falcon, and he wasn't talking about the bird that circled the ship. He had this bowl-cut Red would tease him about endlessly after all this was over- seriously, how had Mr. Fabulous Hair started with this mess? Garmadon probably didn't even have hair, so there was no way the guy knew how to style it, and it was very evident based on Mini-Lloyd's hairdo.

Red noticed that all of them were staring, actually. Despite his relaxed rest against the rails, his fingers behind his back clutched the cool bar with a dull shake. He didn't notice how the metal seemed to glow red under his touch.

"Training, right, we should get onto that," Red tried. "What do you want to start with, Lloyd?"

"How about a little game?" Lloyd asked with complete innocence. "What we were playing last week before we got interrupted."

Oh sh!t.

"I-I don't know, shouldn't we start with stretches? Or how about some sparring, that's always more fun than a game!"

"But I wanted to continue our game..." Mini Lloyd said, and FSM's sake, he couldn't deal with that pouting look.

Okay. Okay, don't panic. Think logically. What kind of game would an 8-year-old Lloyd like to play with him? Something physical, so no board games- he liked to test his mettle against Zane on those, and sometimes he would almost not-lose. Logic puzzles also fell more on Jay's area. Trivia, especially music trivia, was a bubble between the anxious motormouth and Cole. Video games fell on team building, and wouldn't classify as a training warmup.

"Well," Red said, taking a hopeful stab in the dark. "There's not too much space on the deck for... tag..."

Lloyd nodded, looking satisfied. The Not-Ninja looked- well, their expressions were hard to read because of how different it was compared to his friends. But Red was a master of deception (well, fire, but eh, technicalities), and he had them fooled, and he just had to keep it up until nightfall so he could rescue Lloyd and explain in a safe location-

"HE'S NOT KAI!"

Orrrrr improvise. Okay, yep, he could improvise.

Red lunged forward and grabbed Mini Lloyd's wrist from where he had his hand extended in an accusatory point. He ducked under Not-Jay's attempts to grab him- fast, but not as fast as his Jay, his Jay who could disappear from an awkward social interaction in the span of a flickering lightbulb- and dragged his younger brother with him as he vaulted over the railing. Not-Zane almost managed to yank him back onto the Not-ship, but his icy grip caught only empty air as Red pulled Lloyd into a tight hold and ducked.

He hit the dock below with a stumble, rolling back onto his feet and taking off with a very stubborn green ninja in tow. It took all his strength to drag Lloyd (kicking and screaming like he was being kidnapped or something when Red was just trying to rescue him, for FSM's sake. Lloyd didn't know that, but he could still try to be at least a little more considerate.)

The wooden docks creaked and shuddered underfoot and Red grimaced; whoever rebuilt them after the latest Garmadon attack had shredded them like newspaper clearly hadn't wasted any unnecessary change. It certainly didn't help that Lloyd packed quite the punch for someone so small. Red definitely would come out of this with bruised shins and arms from where Mini Lloyd tried to push him away, but it would be worth it to keep his teammate, his younger brother, safe.

Then green filled his vision and broke his hold on Lloyd's wrist, sending him skidding across the dock planks as he was sent flying. When he finally rolled to a stop, neck and shoulder stinging from where the blast had caught him (no burns, just jitters like he'd been shocked), he had to take a few seconds to re-orient himself. Did the Not-Ship have cannons or something? What hit him from behind, so close it could have hit Lloyd?

Lloyd. Was Lloyd okay?

Red pushed himself to his feet, ignoring the bleeding scrapes on his hands and legs from where he'd gotten banged up by the splintered docks. His gaze, sharp and frantic, searched for signs of green. The warning of more blasts, the flash of the fabric of a gi, anything.

He spotted his brother in the arms of Not-Cole. No, no, no-

And suddenly Not-Nya was there, given a boost by Not-Jay. Her grip was as if she were wearing the robotic mech suit, harsh and powerful and near in-human. She threw Red back to the dock floor as her face twisted with the fury of a storming ocean. A resounding crack rang out over the harbour.

Red couldn't tell if it came from the planks under him or his own shoulder.

She pinned him to the wood, barking accusations and threats in his face faster than Not-Jay could talk. Red blinked through a haze of pain, trying to focus on her face and words. She was missing the beauty mark on her face, he noticed. Yet another tell she wasn't his sister.

"-scar on the wrong side-" And it was hard to hear again over the ringing in his ears. He tried to throw her off, get back to Lloyd, anything, but he was-

Useless.

Her hands suddenly got in his face, slamming his left cheek to the wood. She was close- close to his face, close to his eye, close to his scar- pushing and prying as she tried to do something. Red picked up in his struggling, his attempts to free himself turning to desperate shoves and wild clawing like a trapped animal. He wouldn't let this creation of Garmadon's finish the job that teen had started all those years ago.

"Or better yet, he needs to shut his damn mouth."

The flash of a knife. His vision half-blurry. Blood- so much blood- and a lasting scar.

"-contacts-" "-red-" "-struggling-" "-we know what he- it- is already-" "-not the real Kai-" "-wish-" "-Garmadon-"

He had to get away. Get Lloyd away from them now.

In one surge of strength- and yep, his shoulder definitely wasn't okay after that move, as if he'd ripped it not just from its socket but from its very attachment to his body- he knocked Not-Nya aside. If he could’ve seen through the red haze, he might have noticed red embers dancing around his fingertips as his desperation and fear tapped into something deep in his soul.

He tried to shoot to his feet, tried to run for Lloyd (held so tight in Not-Cole's grip, surely they were hurting him, he couldn't let that happen-). He roared, "LEAVE MY BROTHER ALONE!", but before he could take another step through Not-Jay and Not-Zane in his path, the docks gave one last ominous shudder before deciding it had finally had enough.

The planks crumbled underfoot like charred firewood in a crackling campfire, and Red was sent tumbling into the frigid ocean water below.

#spbnr #reverse Thanos snap au #reverse thanos snap #ninjago #lego ninjago #same People but not really #kai ninjago

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lovely-jily · 3 years

Text

“she hated him!” “nah, she didn’t.”

hi, friends! basically for some context, this takes place after lily’s feelings for james is unexpectedly exposed. i originally wrote it to follow my amortentia one shot, but you don’t need to read that to understand this. as usual, enjoy and send me prompts haha.

They always said that the line between love and hate was thin, but it couldn't be this thin. It felt like her heartbeat was shaking her entire body as Lily pieced every single piece together. She wasn't reacting to him out of hatred; it was because of her feelings for him. The tingles on her neck, the inability to breathe had nothing to do with hatred at all. She got goddamn butterflies from the git.

She placed her hands on the bathroom sink to steady herself as she looked up at herself. Her face matched the shade of her hair, which was wild and messy. She started to fix it, only realizing that she was doing it to look better to stupid Potter. She let out a sound of frustration, hitting the sink.

"How the flying fuck did this happen?" She stomped her foot. She had never been more furious with anyone than she was at herself at that moment.

The door opened, and in walked the first and the last person that Lily wanted to see.

"Go away."

"Now, Lily-"

"Don't call me that. Go away."

"Listen, I know that-"

"No, you listen, James Potter," she looked up at him, her hands on her hips, "I absolutely hate you."

His eyes widened, "Oh really?"

She nodded, "Yes. Completely."

He smirked a little, raising his chin. She hated when he did that.

"Yes, Potter," she walked towards him, jabbing her finger into his chest, "I hate your arrogance and that little strut you do in the quidditch pitch. You truly think that people only come to the games to watch you play in your whole outfit."

He leaned against the sink, trying his hardest to look at her intently and fight off a smirk. Lily hated that he looked so hot right now, "Well, what other reason is there to come to the games? Everyone knows how good I look in that uniform."

"Oh!" Lily let out a frustrated shriek as she rolled her eyes, "See, that is that narcissism that I absolutely hate, and I hate even more how you don't even try to mask it! Not everyone is going to get in your pants!"

His expression softened to a more genuine one as he placed his hand on her bicep, "Now, Lils, everyone knows that those are all just a laugh, I'm not actually serious-"

She shoved his hand off of her, ignoring how her arm craved his touch after it was gone, "Don't call me that. And that's the thing, Potter, is that I hate how you can't take any form of accountability! I hate that you just assume that everyone is fine with all your pranks and laughs and jokes."

He cocked his head to the side, placing his hand on his hip, "Go on, Evans, what else do you hate about me?"

She was enraged that he thought this whole thing was funny, "We haven't got the time, but while I'm thinking about it, I hate your intolerable inability to take anything seriously."

He smirked, head still tilted. He glanced her up and down. She had calmed down just a little, but he could still feel the rage coming from her, "Oh really?"

"Yes, and I hate that smirk of yours!" she said as she shoved his face with her palm, "Also, I absolutely cannot stand how obnoxious you are."

He ruffled his hair, smiling now. He was not even attempting to hide his amusement anymore, "Oh, I see."

"I hate how you wear your uniform," she gestured to his rolled-up sleeves and yanked his carelessly tied tie, so it became undone, "and I hate how you're better at Transfiguration than me."

"That one's not your fault, no one can beat me in Transfiguration, so there really is no point in trying to beat yourself up over it. But go on."

"Okay, fine." She straightened up and matched his eye contact, almost challenging him, "I hate that smirk of yours, and I hate how you mess up your hair all the time. And don't even get me started on that stupid jaw thing that you do when you're concentrating."

"Ooh, good one," he pursed his lips.

"Shut up. I hate how nice you are to all the first years, and I hate loyal you are to your friends. I hate how you look when you first wake up, and don't even get me started on your voice. I hate how sweet you can be at times, and I hate the way that your eyes look when you're tired."

She knew what she was saying, but she honestly didn't care anymore. She had just now come to the conclusion that she was tired of hating James Potter.

"I hate how jealous I get when you talk to other girls, and I hate how I like the way you look in that ridiculous uniform."

James had the urge to shout out that he knew she liked him in his quidditch uniform but decided that he wanted what she was saying much more and didn't dare make a move, in fear that it would stop her.

"I hate that I get butterflies around you, and I hate the way you make me feel, James Potter," She had completely relaxed now (although her face was back to a raging color of red, just for different reasons) and was glancing up, not looking at him. She sighed, "I hate the way you say my name, and I hate how I feel when you say it too. I hate how attractive you look with your uniform like that, and most of all-"

She looked at him, shy. He had a look of pure genuine and love about his face, and she couldn't help but smile slightly at it, "Most of all, James, I hate the way that you snuck up on me the way you did."

James bit his lip slightly, driving Lily insane. She supposed that she hated that as well. There was a few moments of quiet, leaving Lily uncomfortable. Was he really going to sit there and do absolutely nothing after all that?

"I hate how stupid you are too and how you're completely leaving me hanging-"

James didn't let her finish. He pulled her towards him by her hips so quickly that Lily didn't know what happened until his lips kissed hers. It was hard, passionate, and Lily loved every second of it.

"So, Evans," James said softly after a few moments of embracing, "Did you hate that too?"

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the-chicken-or-the-banana · 3 years

Note

Hi! There's a headcannon that has been circulating that I never saw fully written, and I love how you characterize the foxes! Basically, Andrew living the setbacks of being short (either privately or publicly), getting frustrated, and Neil comforting him

THIS IS SO FUNNY SKDJFHK also i have always wanted to write a 5+1 so tyvm for this (again, this ended up so goddamn long but. what else is new.)

read "shortcomings (honestly, fuck you tilda)" on ao3 hereeeee

———

Andrew gripped the edges of the counter. Deep breath in. Deep breath out. Eye on the prize.

He squinted at the offensively orange mixing bowl that Kevin had placed far too high on the shelf earlier that day. He had planned on baking cookies (for no reason other than that he was bored), and that bowl was his lucky one: every baked good he made using it always rose perfectly.

Andrew had tried everything — stretching as far as he could, trying to move things with his mind, even going as far as going on his toes (after a cursory glance that no one was around).

He eyed the step-stool on the other side of the kitchen. He could always use that and put it back and no one would be the wiser. But no. Andrew was a fully capable adult with a reputation to uphold and he would get that bowl down by himself, dammit.

Andrew had been through hell and back, and then some. He would not be bested by cabinetry.

He rubbed his hands against his shirt before placing them back on the counter and took a running crouch. Andrew bounced lightly on his toes, mentally counted to three, and leapt up, hand reaching forward to grip at the bowl.

For one glorious moment, it really seemed like it would work.

Then the counter whacked Andrew in the gut, he smacked his head against the cabinet, and he slowly slid down to the floor, no bowl in hand.

Hmm. That wasn't supposed to happen.

He jerked his head up to glare at the stupid bowl and promptly felt extremely dizzy, slipping even further until he was collapsed entirely on the floor, limbs splayed.

That wasn't supposed to happen either.

Oh well. If he couldn't ruin his health with cookies, he might as well do it by laying on the most unhygienic piece of property he had ever seen. He supposed this was an acceptable way to go.

Andrew lay there on the dorm floor for a solid 15 minutes, willing the bowl to come down, until he heard the dorm room unlock and the sound of Neil's quiet humming filled the room. He didn't have the energy to get up though, so he flopped his legs around as Neil passed the kitchen to catch his attention.

"Oh, hey Drew," Neil shuffled further into the dorm after giving Andrew a quick glance and smile. A few seconds later, the humming stopped and Andrew saw the outline of Neil's body slowly move back into the kitchen doorway. "Um. Can I ask why you're starfished on the floor?"

Andrew sluggishly pointed upwards. "Bowl. High. Jumped. Fell."

Neil nodded knowingly. Andrew stared at him purposefully. Neil blinked.

Idiot.

"Get it for me," Andrew scowled with a well-aimed kick at Neil's ankles. Neil's eyes widened before filling with mirth. He walked forward and sat down next to Andrew's side, running a hand through his blond hair. Andrew hated himself for leaning into the touch.

"Aww, what's wrong?" Neil cooed. "Can't reach it?"

What a fucking asshole.

Andrew shot Neil a glare — he could admit that it probably wasn't super effective considering that he was on the floor with his not-boyfriend carding his fingers through his hair, but it was the thought that counted, okay! — and Neil gave him an amused look before pushing himself off the ground.

He shuffled around Andrew's limp body before giving an exasperated sigh.

"Andrew."

"Junkie."

"There is a stepstool right here."

"Yes."

"You didn't use it."

"No."

"... Why?"

Andrew shrugged in response.

He heard Neil grumbling under his breath and, a few seconds later, was rewarded with Neil's gross socks in front of his face as he went on the tips of his toes to grab at the bowl. Andrew glanced up and noticed that Neil's shorts were delightfully loose around his thighs.

Nice.

He indulged himself in the view until Neil dropped back down on the balls of his feet, holding the bowl proudly.

"Got it!" he grinned down at Andrew and flopped back down on the floor, pulling Andrew into a sitting position. Neil pressed up against him after a quick 'yes or no?' and handed over the bowl so Andrew.

"That was not fair," Andrew grumbled after a few minutes of calm silence. "You did that so easily. You're barely taller than me."

Neil nudged his shoulder and planted a kiss to the side of his head. "It's okay," he gave an annoyingly soft look. "I'll always be there to help you, whenever you need it."

Andrew huffed. "I did not ask for sentimentality, Josten. Just a bowl."

Irritatingly, this caused Neil to laugh a bit. "Okay, okay, I'll leave you with your precious bowl." He moved to get up and pressed a chaste kiss to Andrew's lips. "But for what it's worth, I think your size is perfect."

He left Andrew missing the warmth of Neil's body beside him before his brain caught up to what Neil just said.

"Josten. Josten! Was that a fucking dick joke?"

There were moments where Andrew desperately wanted to burn Neil's clothing. He understood that they were remnants of past habits that were hard to break, but surely having this many gray and brown shirts had to be criminal.

Andrew refused to be seen kissing such a heathen in public but he really only knew how to put Neil in hot club clothes rather than hot casual clothes. And so, for the sake of humanity (and his dignity), he swallowed his pride and met up with Allison Fucking Reynolds.

Their plan to snatch up Neil from the Exy court to take him shopping at the mall appeared to be going well. So far, they'd bought him some shirts, artfully ripped jeans, denim jackets, and an actually functional pair of shoes. Neil, for all his stamina, looked like he was about to collapse from the weight of the bags, so Allison and Andrew took pity on him and decided to take a lunch break.

The three of them reached the food court and made their way to a noodle shop (after Andrew extracted a promise that he could get some ice cream afterwards). He and Allison sat Neil down on a bench to guard their massive pile of bags before going up to order.

By the time they were at the front of the line, Andrew was fully prepared to stab Reynolds in the middle of the mall. In a span of five minutes, she had managed to ask him about his and Neil's sex life, when they got together, what Neil's exact sexuality was, and had Andrew ever painted his nails?

He resolutely refused to answer any of those questions, on the principle that she didn't need more money from bets than she already had.

They ordered quickly, Andrew eager to get away from Reynolds, when the cashier said something that made him stop in his tracks.

"We actually have a discount right now for kids under 12!" she said smiling. "Is that something you'd be interested in?"

Andrew squinted. Why the hell would they—

Oh. Oh no, no, no.

Allison seemed to come to the same realization that he did, because she smiled wide and tapped her nails against the counter.

"Oh, that's just perfect!" she exclaimed. "Aaron here just turned 11 a few months ago. We'll take the discount."

Aaron?!

Andrew was going to kill her.

He was still planning bloody murder as Reynolds brought their tray of food to the table. He sat down with a scowl, and though Neil shot him a curious glance, he didn't push it.

Stupid considerate junkie.

Andrew muttered a percentage under his breath and proceeded to poke Neil in the cheek with his chopsticks. After a few moments of this, Neil turned to him with a scowl.

"Andrew," he grumbled. "What are you doing?"

Andrew glared at Reynolds.

Neil gave a resigned sigh and turned to her. "Allison. What happened?"

Reynolds smirked. "Oh, nothing much. Just that the cashier thought that your boy was a literal child and gave us a discount for kids 12 and under. I told her that it was great because Aaron over there," she jabbed a finger towards Andrew. "just turned 11."

Neil looked like he was biting back a laugh but then frowned. "Okay, but arms."

"True," Reynolds conceded. "However, consider this: tiny."

The two idiots nodded like they'd figured out some indispensable secret of the universe.

Frustrated, Andrew went back to poking Neil's face; when he finally glanced back, Andrew nudged his arms and shuffled a bit closer. Thankfully, Neil actually got the hint for once and scraped featherlight fingers into Andrew's hair.

"It's okay," Neil tried. "I mean, at the end of the day, all of us are just broke college kids—"

"I'm not," Allison interrupted.

Neil rolled his stupid, pretty eyes. "Okay, most of us are broke college kids—"

"Don't you have a bunch of mafia blood money and stuff?" Reynolds asked.

"Beside the point," Neil huffed. "Fine, Andrew, you are a broke college kid—" "Gee, thanks." "— and so you should be grateful that your height is saving you some money."

"That is dumb."

"You're dumb."

"How creative."

Neil scowled and tugged on Andrew's hair. "Shut up. Drama queen."

Andrew stabbed a piece of stir fry into Neil's mouth to close that damn mouth and resolutely ignored the click of Allison's phone camera.

This was proving to be a problem.

Andrew stared at his $150 jeans, the bottom of the legs frayed and pale. He had just bought these two weeks ago. What a waste of money.

There really was only one thing left to do.

Minutes later, Andrew slammed open the door to his brother's dorm and dragged him out with Aaron demanding to know where they were going. By the time he had wrestled his idiot doppelganger to the car, Andrew was reaching. his. fucking. limit.

"Andrew, if you don't tell me where we're going, I swear I'll bite you. I'll push Neil off a treadmill and dump a bucket of mud on him. I'll throw all your ice cream in the trash. I'll—"

That last one was simply too far. He'd have to give Aaron some ground.

"Get in, loser," Andrew glared. "We're going shopping."

Thankfully, he managed to keep Aaron quiet until they reached the mall by letting him pick the music (it was country! Southern heathen). What a child.

Rich coming from you, a voice told him snidely. You can't even buy clothes for yourself properly.

Shut up, he scolded himself.

"Andrew," Aaron sighed exasperatedly when they reached the parking lot. "Can you finally tell me what we're shopping for?"

They got out of the car and Andrew raised an eyebrow as he faced Aaron. "Sex toys."

"WHAT THE FU— "

Andrew watched his brother's face turn red as he sputtered, before noticing the amusement in his face.

Aaron deflated. "Asshole," he grumped.

"Yeah, that is generally where the dildo goes."

"Shut up. I'm begging you."

Andrew decided to take pity on him and stabbed a finger towards Aaron's legs. "When did you buy those."

Aaron squinted. "My jeans?" At Andrew's nod, he looked confused. "Uh, like three or four months ago maybe. Why?"

Three or four months?! That was simply unacceptable.

"They are still in good quality," Andrew said slowly.

"...Yes?" Aaron looked lost for a few moments before his face brightened with pure, evil glee. Andrew hated the world more in that moment than he ever had before. "Oh my God. Oh my God. Are your jeans too long for you?"

"Be quiet," he snapped. "You just need to show me where you buy yours and never mention this to anyone or I'll stab you."

Aaron didn't seem as concerned as he should have been. "I don't need to do anything, dumbass. Why don't you just cuff them like me?"

"I refuse to look like a bisexual disaster."

"Hey," Aaron looked mildly offended. "That's not a bisexual thing. Right?" At Andrew's blank look, his eyes widened. "No. Oh shit. Is that why guys keep hitting on me at Eden's?"

Andrew actually blinked at that. He had not realized that his brother was really that stupid. "Aaron. Eden's is a gay bar. Obviously men will hit on you."

"Wait, it's a what— "

"Be quiet. You are coming with me now." He dragged his brother to the mall entrance as Aaron bumbled along behind him, swearing incoherently.

They weaved their way through what seemed like a million stores until Andrew walked out hours later, finally satisfied with his new haul of jeans that Aaron had oh-so-considerately helped to pick out, a few hundred dollars poorer, and two churros and an iced coffee fuller.

Andrew trudged up the stairs to his floor (perhaps this was a workout he should regularly implement in his exercise regime) while Aaron split off to find some study group or other.

By the time he reached his dorm, Andrew felt far more exhausted than the situation warranted and he blindly chucked the bags on the sofa, belatedly realizing that Neil was already sitting where the bags would land. Oops.

He sat down by Neil like the throw was entirely intentional as Neil sputtered when the plastic smacked him in the face.

"What's all this?" the junkie questioned. For fuck's sake, why did his eyes have to be so blue?

Andrew just gestured for him to take the clothes out and saw as Neil's face grew confused when he saw what he was holding.

"Jeans? Didn't you literally buy some like a week ago?"

"Two," Andrew corrected, because he was a petty bitch if nothing else. Neil rolled his stupid eyes at that but waited for Andrew to provide an explanation. Andrew heaved a regretful sigh. "The bottom of them are all frayed now"

"Frayed?" the striker's brows furrowed before his face cleared and a shit-eating smirk crossed his face. "Wait, wait, wait. Are you saying you were too short for your jeans?"

Andrew nearly stabbed him right then and there.

"Shut. Up."

"Oh my gosh. Andrew. Andrew."

When Andrew got up (not grumpily. never grumpily. (okay, maybe a little grumpily)), Neil tugged on his shirt sleeve with an apologetic grin. "Sorry, sorry, I'll stop making fun," but his eyes were squinted as he tried not to laugh and his face was flushed and his lips were red as he bit on them, and honestly, how was Andrew expected to stay annoyed after seeing that?

"I mean," Neil continued. "You're paying with whatever you have left of Tilda's life insurance, right? And it's technically her fault you're so, uh... vertically challenged because of the drugs and shit. So you buying all these jeans are like a big "fuck you" to her!"

Andrew blinked slowly at his not-boyfriend's not-cute not-endearing hand-waving and decided he could take a hit to his reputation if it kept Neil glowing like this. "Josten. Are you saying that being short is literally in my jeans?"

"Holy shit, yes."

To be fair, he had been warned. This was probably his own fault. Which he would never admit, but whatever.

It had started fine enough.

Andrew had been smoking by the windowsill as he waited for Neil to come back from his class. It was raining heavily and he felt a comfortable laze settle in his bones, so he didn't bother to open the window, despite Kevin's complaints.

"Andrew, stop smoking in here. If you want to destroy your lungs, at least do it away from me."

"Shut up and watch your damn Exy, Day."

He shut up and watched his damn Exy.

Andrew let the sounds of the game wash over him as he let his eyes droop (when did Exy become... relaxing to him? That was moderately concerning), so by the time he realized that there was an incessant beeping sound in the background, everything was too far gone to not have gone to shit.

His body finally jolted into action when he finally registered that the smoke alarm was blaring in their dorm and he heard yells coming from outside in the hallway, which probably meant an RA or some other Foxes were about to burst in and see him smoking where he wasn't supposed to. For the third time this month.

Crap.

"Day. Day! Get off your fucking computer and turn off the alarm," he hissed as he (gracefully) scrambled to the kitchen to find a towel.

"Hmm?" Kevin hummed blearily. "Oh. That. Well, I told you so."

Andrew simply could not believe it. (Well, maybe he could a bit. Kevin was just that kind of asshole frie— person.)

By the time he dampened a towel (wow, they really needed to do the dishes sometime soon), the shouts were right outside the door and he heard keys jingling in the lock. Quickly he scrambled up the table, but in his haste, kicked over a glass of water (vodka? Sprite? whatever).

He tripped over slightly and his foot splashed into the puddle on the table, causing him to cringe internally. His sock felt horribly wet and tingly, and it was nearly enough to distract him from the creaking of the door opening. Quickly, he reached up, flapping the towel near the smoke alarm to turn it off.

It wasn't enough. He couldn't reach the alarm.

In a split-second, he decided to just fuck it and leapt up to see if that would work. However, the uncomfortable feeling in his feet and the stupid smoke alarm and the fucking banging of the door made him severely misjudge his strength.

Andrew jumped a lot further forward than he expected. He flew through the air, one foot catching on the top of a chair, the other stabbed by the edge of the table. In a futile attempt to gain his balance, Andrew flailed his arms around, but that just caused the towel to smack him in the face.

Eventually, gravity took hold of him and he (and the chair) crashed into the floor, the towel mockingly flopping on his hair. Blearily, he raised his head up and saw Neil and their RA staring at him concernedly from the doorway.

Well, this was awkward. At least the beeping had stopped.

Their RA, an unfortunately attractive tennis player named Richard Addams (Nicky found it hilarious that their RA's initials were R.A.. Andrew called him 'Certified Dick™'), stepped in cautiously. "Andrew, everything okay?"

"Just peachy," he grumbled.

Neil ran to Andrew's side at the sound of his voice and pushed his blond hair out of his face. "Why peaches? They're honestly not even that good; I can only stand the really big and thick and juicy ones."

Andrew froze and even Kevin closed his laptop that. "Neil," Certified Dick™ said slowly. "Do you know what peaches are?"

"Duh," he rolled his eyes. "Fruit. That's why Nicky has a peach next to my name in his contacts. Because I like fruits."

Idiot.

"It means 'ass,' " Andrew informed him. Neil gaped.

"It means wha— "

"Okay," Certified Dick™ exclaimed cheerfully. "I'm gonna leave y'all here. Andrew, I'll assume you weren't doing anything against the rules because you are a kind person who always listens to what I say."

"Of course," Andrew said blandly. "I am a wonderful student." He fingered the edges of his armbands.

Certified Dick™ slowly backed out of the room.

Neil let out a breath and blew his hair out of his eyes. "Okay," he started. "We'll talk about the ass thing later. But first, what the hell just happened?"

Andrew pointed up at the smoke alarm.

"Well, yes, I got that, but why were you jumping around like an absolute idiot?"

"Kevin is useless," Andrew announced.

"Not true!" Kevin protested immediately. "You just never listen to me. It's not my fault that I'm always right."

Andrew glared at him and turned back to Neil. "I couldn't reach the stupid smoke alarm," he finally gritted out, bracing for someone to mock him.

It never came.

Instead, Neil gave him a cheeky grin and a wink (at least, Andrew assumed it was a wink) and turned to Kevin with a faux-annoyed stare. "Seriously, Kev? You didn't help him?"

"He got himself into his own mess," Kevin shrugged.

"Okay, and what if someone had caught him? They might have not allowed him to play Exy for a bit! Or maybe while he was trying to shut off the alarm, he could have really hurt himself!" Neil was really laying it heavy on the dramatics, brandishing his arms wildly.

Kevin's eyes widened in horror at his words. "Shit."

"Yeah," Neil nodded graveley. "Us Exy players have got to look out for each other. How else will we live to our potentials?"

Kevin looked like he was going to be sick. Quickly, he whipped open his laptop and began muttering questions on how to secretly disable smoke alarms.

"Junkie," Andrew muttered to Neil. Neil just hummed and pressed a kiss to the crook of his neck.

"Yeah," he whispered a few moments later. "Only for you."

Hmm. This was nice.

Andrew never could have imagined he would be the kind of guy to stumble over furniture while kissing his way through a room, and yet, here he was, crashing into tables and upturning chairs and tripping over bags.

He had Neil's fingers intertwined with his and was dragging him through the dorm, the kisses constantly pausing because Neil kept breaking off into small smiles and laughing into his neck. Every few steps, Andrew would take a look at his flushed junkie and absolutely forget about his plan to reach the bedroom, choosing instead to kiss him ferociously right there.

They were lucky that no one else was in the dorm.

When Andrew realized that it had taken them a solid seven minutes to walk about 15 feet past the door, he realized they would probably never reach an actual bed at the rate they were going. He told Neil as much and was rewarded with a shrug.

"I literally don't care where we end up," Neil said breathlessly before pulling him into another heated kiss. "I just wanna kiss you."

Andrew nearly snorted at that. How predictable. "I got that" he muttered. "But what do you want?"

Neil raised an eyebrow and deepened his voice mockingly. "I want nothing."

"You are actually so insufferable."

"Yeah, yeah," Neil waved him off and latched his mouth on Andrew's neck. Fuck. "Hmm," he said a few moments later. "Carry me?"

Andrew resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Ever since the junkie had seen how much he lifted at the gym a few weeks ago, this had become one of his favorite requests (and really, who was Andrew to deny him?).

Nevertheless, he leaned down and grabbed both of Neil's thighs, pushing him up until his legs were secured around Andrew's waist and Andrew could comfortably hold him up, his body flush against Andrew's.

Yeah, he got why Neil liked this so much.

He wasn't sure how long he'd be able to hold Neil up for though, considering that they actually had a game tomorrow and he didn't want to put up with Kevin's annoying complaints if he didn't try at least a bit. Andrew glanced around for a second before his eyes caught on the perfect place.

He adjusted his grip on Neil, causing him to let out an oof in surprise and carefully made his way to the kitchen (with only a slight amount of kissing in the middle). Andrew messily deposited Neil on the island counter and was promptly faced with another problem.

Neil was up there. Andrew was down here. How the hell were they supposed to make out now?

Andrew frowned slightly and tugged at Neil's collar. "Lean down," he commanded.

Neil complied and pressed a searing kiss to his lips, tugging at Andrew's hair, but too soon he pulled back.

At Andrew's 'yes or no?' Neil smiled down sheepishly. "It's a yes, but this angle's going to end up destroying my back."

That made no sense — whenever Andrew sat on the counter, he never had to lean down that much. He reasoned that the weight of being an Exy junkie was finally catching up to Neil's spine, though.

"Well," Andrew huffed. "I'm not going up on my toes."

"Why would you need to go on your toes?" Neil looked genuinely confused as Andrew frustratedly gestured at the air between them. "Wait, wait. Can you not reach me if I'm sitting up here?"

Andrew's thoughts came to a halt.

He pulled back (well, as much as he could while still staying in Neil's arms) and squinted suspiciously at his not-boyfriend. "Can you normally reach me when I sit up?"

"Well, yeah," Neil blinked. "I mean, I have to stretch a little bit but it's usually fine."

What.

Unceremoniously, Andrew yanked Neil off the counter and sat himself up (he pretended not to notice the stare that Neil gave when he flexed his arms). He hooked his ankles around Neil and dragged him closer, coming nearly forehead-to-forehead.

Forehead-to-forehead. Neil could reach him.

Andrew let out an uncharacteristic groan and dropped his head on Neil's surprisingly comfy shoulder. Neil snorted quietly and patted his head.

"It's okay, Drew," he said, his voice muffled but teasing as he pressed a kiss to the top of Andrew's head. "Maybe next time we can get you a stool or something. That'll be real attractive."

Andrew scowled and kicked him in the leg.

Neil's voice softened as he lowered his arms to rub soft circles on his back. "But I'm serious Andrew, it's okay." He pressed a soft kiss to Andrew's collarbone, the underside of his jaw, the corner of his lips. "Does this feel good?"

Andrew swallowed. Hiding from Neil was a fight he knew he'd lose, and there was no point prolonging the inevitable. "Yes."

"Then that's all I need. Making you feel good makes me feel good," he whispered. "I really like this, what we do right now. And if you want, we can still find more positions that feel really good. Don't stress, we have time."

"Hmm," Andrew said a few moments later. "That is all fine and well, but actually, we now only have about 20 minutes until Kevin comes back from class, and I would highly appreciate it if you could get me off sometime soon."

"Asshole. We were totally having a moment."

"Next to a bowl of apples."

"Rude. I bet those apples appreciated the conversation."

Andrew rolled his eyes at Neil's idiocy, but kissed him hard to convey everything he felt: you care, you listen, you are okay with me, you are safe for me. Neil seemed to get the message, because his body softened under Andrew's grip as he kissed him back eagerly.

When they finally pulled apart, Andrew felt heavy and sated and secure in the way he only associated with Neil. He looked into Neil's blown-out pupils, the blue peeking brightly at the edges of his eyes as he slowly brought Neil's hand to the waistband of his jeans.

"Right," Andrew tried for a nonchalant tone. The slight voice-crack may have betrayed him, but whatever. "Take off my pants now?"

South Carolina winters were shit.

Growing up in Oakland meant that he was pretty used to cold winters and hot summers, but usually things only got unbearably chilly at night, when he could pile tons of blankets on himself. Unfortunately, winters in the South brought biting wind and snow. All day long.

Andrew hated the cold (sure, he could walk around with a blanket draped over him like a cape in his dorm (he did. occasionally), but alas, he actually had a reputation to uphold)

And yet, when Nicky and Dan enthusiastically told Neil about their stupid plan and Neil had sent a stupid questioning gaze to Andrew's stupid face, he sure as fuck couldn't use "the cold" as an excuse to deny those eyes.

So he bundled up into a turtleneck, a sweater, a thin jacket and a snow one, a beanie, a pair of gloves, leggings and then sweatpants, and his warmest socks (Andrew decidedly ignored Neil's snickers, who was annoying dressed in just a long-sleeved shirt and jeans. how rude.)

The so-called Monsters trampled down to the parking lot outside the Tower, boots sinking deep into the snow. Andrew shivered at the sudden wind and if he walked a little closer to Neil's hot warm body — well, no one needed to know.

Within seconds of their arrival, Andrew was regretting coming out.

A massive snowball soared through the air and slammed into Aaron's face, who promptly fell on his ass from the force of it.

"What the fuck?" he sputtered, wiping snow out of his eyes.

"HA!" Reynolds hollered. "Take that!"

"Oh dear," Neil muttered. "I didn't expect this much violence from the start."

"We are Foxes," Andrew scoffed. "Violence is the whole point."

"Actually, there's this one piece of shit in my Stats class and he tried to tell me I was wrong — I wasn't, by the way — and instead of punching him, I just very mathematically proved how incompetent he was and I told him that his parents' miscalculation when it came to conceiving him evidently got passed on to him in the form of his nonexistent math skills. So. No violence."

Andrew wasn't sure if he should kiss Neil or smack him. "Right. Because verbal annihilation is a very tame response."

"Since when have you been such a peacemaker?"

"Renee."

"You two literally beat the shit out of each other every week."

Andrew shrugged. "Semantics."

"I really don't think— "

Their conversation was rudely interrupted by Matt throwing a snowball mere inches away from Andrew's face. At his glare, Matt promptly ran behind a car.

"Neil," Andrew sighed. "I hate you."

"I didn't force you to be here," Neil pointed out. "Could've said no. What did Nicky call you? 'Whipped.' So ha." With that profound statement, Neil ducked and dumped a handful of snow down the back of Andrew's shirt.

"Ha," Andrew said back smugly. "Layers." Neil looked betrayed.

"Layers. I forgot."

"I didn't."

"Asshole."

"Yup."

Neil scowled and kicked at Andrew's highly sturdy snow boots petulantly. Andrew refrained from rolling his eyes turned towards him. "Yes or no?"

"Oh," Neil perked up. Junkie. "Yes, yes."

Andrew jabbed him in the stomach and when Neil keeled over groaning, he pressed a kiss to his lips and shoved his head under Neil's chin.

"Personal heater," Andrew explained. Then he grabbed Neil's arms and tucked them around his waist. This was good.

"Right," Neil snorted. "Naturally. I can't wait until someone throws a snowball at your face and you get all cold and wet."

Andrew scowled. How rude.

"Oi, Minyard!" Dan called and Andrew sighed before wiggling around until he was facing her, back flush against Neil's front. "This is for drawing mustaches all over the pictures in the Court!"

Andrew raised an eyebrow. "You have no proof— "

His protests were cut off with the sight of a snowball hurtling full speed at him. He made to jump out of the way (maybe Exy was good for something after all), but Neil's arms around him proved to be a real hindrance.

As it was, he got jerked back into place, the snowball inches in front of him. Andrew shut his eyes, hoping he could use this as an excuse to drag Neil into the dorm to warm up, when he heard an "oof" from behind him.

Andrew twisted around to find Neil's face covered in an explosion of snow, water dripping down his shocked expression.

His eyelashes were nice. Hmm.

"Wh- What?" he shivered. "How is there snow on my face? Wasn't it supposed to land on you?"

Oh.

Andrew brushed off some snow that had settled on his cheekbones before stepping back a bit (still in Neil's arms. that was necessary). And Neil was right, it was odd, the snowball was supposed to hit him and instead, it had smashed itself on Neil.

"I believe," Andrew said slowly. "My height has proved to be advantageous."

"Advan— you mean you were so short the snowball literally missed you and hit me?!"

"Yup," Andrew felt extremely self-satisfied. "See, had you been shorter, this wouldn't have happened. Alas, there's just more of you to hit when you're tall."

"That— I— Andrew!"

"That's my name."

"Ugh. I am cold and wet and very much not liking this," Neil grumbled.

"Bet you wish you had as many jackets as me, huh?" Andrew crowed.

"You could always give one of them to me," Neil said as he yanked Andrew back against him.

"I could. Not feeling it, though."

"Bastard."

"Just a little," Andrew agreed. He tilted his head up to look at Neil and oh, that angle was good, his lips were right there, how did Andrew never notice that Neil's eyelashes framed his eyes so nicely?

Hmm. If this was the view, maybe his height had some... unforeseen perks that extended beyond snowball fighting.

"I win," Andrew told Neil seriously. At his confused expression, Andrew was forced to sigh out an explanation. "You are very pretty from down here."

"Oh?"

"Shut up."

"I think you're pretty too."

"198%."

"Kiss me?"

"Ugh, if you insist."

Andrew leaned up to press his lips to Neil, dutifully ignoring the cheers from behind him, as Neil placed a hand under his chin to tilt him up further, which felt very nice.

Yeah, Andrew was living the good life. He had a maybe-boyfriend who was the perfect height and a brother and cousin who might actually stay, and he was content and safe and— really fucking cold because there was a ball of snow sliding down his neck what the fuck what the fuck what the fu— .

"NICKY."

"Shit. Sorry!"

126 notes · View notes

abizarreyodelingincident · 3 years

Text

Braaaaaaains...

Jason Todd is legally – and biologically – dead. His family noted his lack of pulse at three in the morning, inside the cave, his body laid out on a table with medical instruments.

No, really, tell him something he doesn't know.

What else crawls out of a grave moaning and groaning?

Or, Jason thought his family full of the world's greatest detectives was smarter than this. Apparently not.

****************************************************************

It had been an ordinary night. Calm. The stage for very little costumed crime and barely more regular, non-insane crime as well. Half the menagerie that made up Dick's loving ragtag bunch of younger siblings had even taken the night off.

Nothing should have make him arrive to silence this thick, to this faint echo of sniffling.

He sprinted after the noise.

Damian's fine, left before me. Duke didn't go out, nor did Steph. Babs spent the evening with Cass in the cave, Tim swept the bowery and said he was going to stop by Jason's place to-

He collided with a shaking, tear stained Tim right outside the medbay.

There was a body on the closest table. Others around it, crying, pacing, muttering in denial.

Dick couldn't look.

No, no, please, please no. I can't do that again. I can't!

Scarred skin, too pale – to be Duke or Cass – by death. His breath hitched. No. He. Fuck.

He knew those scars. Those arms. That chest and that fucking Y from navel to shoulders.

“Dick! Jason... he was... I found him in his apartment. And I brought him to the cave... but... Jason doesn't have a pulse. He's... cold...”

Dick stumbled.

No.

No, no, no, that... that couldn't be real.

He caught himself on his little brother. Brought himself into a hug too tight, as painful as the arms gripping his ribs and back. A grip meant for a lifesaving light at sea. For a safeline over a ravine.

Twice. He'd lost the same brother twice. And this time, he didn't even have the excuse of inexperience and unstable situations. He... he patrolled the city whilst his brother was dead, completely oblivious to the fact. How could he? How dare he not know?!

“Shh, Tim, I'm here. I'm here.” But not for Jason, whispered a vicious part of him.

“What's all this?”

Dick's heart just about stopped.

Damian stood at the entrance to the lockers' room, uniform folded under one arm, hair slightly damp from a shower and Bat-themed pajamas worn without shame. His mild annoyance was proof he had no idea of the drama that had happened not twenty feet from him.

With reluctance, he let go of Tim, a gentle hand lingering on his shoulder, before he took a few steps toward his youngest, most vulnerable brother.

“D-Dami, I... ” Damn it, he had to be the one to tell Damian about this. Because otherwise, the person to break the news would be Bruce, and-

Shit.

Bruce.

Oh God. How could they possibly tell him- ? After all their fights, the goddamned shattering that had broken the man he had been, and their last conversations even being more admonishment about protocols that Jason had flippantly disregarded. Bruce would never recover. That was it. The end of Batman.

...But first, God he hated himself, wanted to just curl up in a corner and forget everything, first he had a young brother he needed to talk to. One... one little brother less than just this afternoon.

“Jason... ” He swallowed, his throat tight, his heart in denial, the words so damning, but needing to be said. “Jason did not make it. He... he's dead.”

Damian stayed thoughtfully silent.

Not... not the tearful reaction he had expected, but Damian had grown up surrounded by so much death and horror that he would obviously be guarded. And oh, Dick's heart went to his baby brother, and he truly wished he could

“I do not understand. Why such theatrics for the zombie?”

Dick gasped, knowledge warring with the flash of anger.

“Damian! He's our brother!”

“Did he lose his head?” Damian demanded, and Dick's mind buckled.

“Huh, no, but that doesn't have anything to d-”

“Then, why are you acting so weirdly emotional, Richard?”

Before Dick's temper could catch up to his mouth, the longest and most painful-sounding gasp erupted from the medbay, where, to the general shock of all, Jason's gray-ish body shot upward with both his arms raised.

Electroshocks didn't make you jolt like that.

Electroshocks, in fact, remained in their kit on the other side of the medbay, unused. Because Jason had seemingly been dead long before he had been brought to the cave.

That was roughly the moment when Dick's brain caught up with the first of many hints. Latched onto it with a fool's hope.

“... Damian... When you were calling Jason a 'zombie', what did you mean?”

Damian's brows scrunched up together, a look he meant to be intimidating, but had more in common with a disgruntled kitten. “Exactly that, Richard. Do we not have files on zombies in the computer? Dead bodies walking about animated by unholy powers?”

Jason's not- Dick forced the half formed thought to a halt. For once, he rather wanted to be very, very wrong in how he perceived his family.

“What's with all the noise? Can't someone try to sleep like the dead without screaming?” Jason groused. “Should have gotten myself buried ag-OOF!”

“JASON!” screamed the hysterical teenager that had launched himself at a very lively dead body.

“Huhh? Hi, Timmy?” Jason said blearily, ruffling Tim's hair, eyebags suspiciously prominent. “... Fear gas?”

The blinking slowed, the fog of sleep drifting away as he silently begged the rest of them for an answer.

Happily provided by a still crying Tim. “I thought you were gone!”

“What is dead may never die,” Jason quipped, his mouth twisting in that cocksure grin from his Robin days.

And Dick wanted nothing more than to stop right there, pass out from the relief and joy of his little brother being alive and kicking, but...

But...

That joke. One of many morbidly unfunny jokes and puns.

Bone-deep fatigue crushed his back. A bitter curse for whatever higher forces messing with them echoed strongly inside his skull, before he gave in to the inevitable and inhaled a few times for patience.

“Jason. We thought you were dead-dead.”

With prickly, hedgehog style affection, Jason pushed Tim back and stood up, stretching. “Come off it, Goldie. I wasn't even decapitated. I mean, if you were really worried, you could have just called a necromancer or something.” His expression hardened. “But if you ever call a necromancer on my ass, I'll shoot your perfect glutes.”

Yup, yup, yup, this is happening.

Tim finally wiped the rest of the tears away, helped by one of Stephanie's handkerchiefs, when he froze. “Wait. Your skin's still pale as a corpse.”

The flicker of amusement in Jason's eyes killed it for Dick.

God, how could they have all been this idiotic? If Wally ever learned about this – Shit, did Roy and Kory know before him?!

They were going to laugh their asses off at him.

Jason, unaware of the world recalibration happening in his poor big brother's mind, shrugged and rolled his shoulders – who creaked suspiciously loudly, more like rusty hinges than normal body parts. “Eh, I'm just a bit hungry. Nothing a meal or two won't fix and get some blood flowing back under my s-”

“You're a zombie.”

They turned toward him.

“Way to cross the finish line on time, Mister Rabbit,” Jason drawled.

Barbara, for once, looked completely unprepared. “A zombie,” she repeated, dazed.

Stephanie's nervous giggle died out when she noticed the lack of humor. “... No!”

Cassandra furiously looked down, muttering in her fist. Duke, by contrast, had the expression of a person stuck in a very awkward nightmare.

Even Jason's good-natured ribbing faded in when faced only with the distant screeched of bats. “... Hm, guys, bats, roostery, parasites and octopi? This is old news. What's with all the... ”

He vaguely gestured at their faces.

“Old news?” Tim rasped like he was being strangled.

“I came back from the dead years ago! Come on! Am I in a parallel universe? Hey, Demon Brat,” Jason called, baffled, “you knew, right? I didn't imagine that, right?!”

“Of course, Todd. Mother informed me of everything. Besides, Grandfather's interest in your state of being was of interest for a few weeks. How could I have been ignorant about your zombified state of being?”

In the corner of his eyes, Dick noticed Tim's, Barbara's and Cassandra's expressions all pinching in displeasure. In a way, Dick was reassured. He hadn't been the target of a family-wide hoax to discredit him as an attentive and loving eldest brother. No, he was just naturally blind, apparently.

“He knew?” Tim growled, like it was a personal failing of the fabric of time and space.

Damian's tone was the exact opposite. “And none of you realized...?”

Dick squirmed. “I... huh... you see...”

His baby brother eyed him, completely unimpressed, and for once after years of partnership, Dick felt he deserved every single ounce of it.

“I see... I shall reevaluate the value of this 'detective training' I've been given if this is the result then,” he said, the nearest thing to completely disavowing his older siblings without saying so.

In other circumstances, perhaps the others would have demanded that Damian stay and explain, but he suspected the quelling look it would have deserved prevented them. Not one of them spoke until Damian had disappeared upstairs and the elevator doors had closed.

“Jason, since when have you been a zombie?”

Jason blinked, jaw hanging. Juuuust enough for some of the scar tissue on his face to stretch past normal. Why did Dick only notice that now?

“Wait, you're all serious? How could you not know? I told you guys!”

And there was Dick's pride rearing its ugly head, because no, no he had not been told and maybe his deductive skills needed a very complete overhaul, but his memory was still excellent!

“You never said that. Heck, we weren't even talking until two years ago!”

“I literally told you all that I crawled out of my grave by myself, groaning the entire time. No experiment, no Lazarus Pit, just a body waking up in its own coffin and deciding to breathe fresh air. Does that not scream 'zombie' to you?”

They cringed.

“Not the only one that returned from beyond,” Babs mumbled. He could see her pull up the mental list right there.

“I greeted you all last meeting with a 'What's up, my bat folks? It's me, your favorite zombie!'. What did you think that meant?”

“That you're an asshole with a morbid sense of humor?” Stephanie quipped, and Jason momentarily paused his indignation to high five her. Fair's fair.

“Okay, but what about that time I got shot in the chest and I told you all not to worry about it?”

“I just figured you were going to get stitched up by Leslie or yourself, you know, regular bat neuroses,” Tim confessed.

Dick made a mental note to keep a much closer eye on Tim's patrols for the next few months.

“From a bullet chest wound?” Jason asked with an incredulousness that was not at all earned, because he was a freaking zombie!

“I thought your armor had blocked it! The hole wasn't bleeding!” Tim protested, cheeks red and tone defensive.

“Well, yeah,” Jason replied. “I don't bleed. It's like some fruit pulp or something. Ain't coming out if you don't press. My heart's not pumping.”

That's a 'nevermind' on the smoothie I saved for after patrol.

“Well, I know that now,” Tim said.

“I feel like I should write it down on the plaque or something,” Jason still sounded amazed, and might have pinched his arm just to be sure he hadn't been daydreaming, “Like, 'a good soldier AND A VERY DISCRETE ZOMBIE!' in big flaming letters. With a spotlight. And a dictionary opened on 'Zombie' or 'Undead'. You know, just in case the next batbrat to come along needs a few subtle hints about my true nature. What'd you think, Dick?”

He could not have been blushing harder than he currently was. “I think shut up.”

“Of course. What about when I shoved my deadly cold toes at Tim under a blanket?”

“Cold feet.”

“Never eating around you guys?”

“Daddy issues with Bruce,” Barbara deadpanned, and got a sock thrown at her for her honesty.

However, Duke, poor kid, turned green. “Wait, so when you offered me some jellied brain... was that not a death joke?”

Dick's stomach spontaneously shrivelled.

By the grimaces and sharp inhales all around, that was a common reaction.

Then the worst possible thing happened: Jason grinned.

He strutted, all confidence and brashness, and viper-quick, snatched an arm around Duke's shoulder. “Narrows, Nightlight, my tiny bitsy bro, everything I do is a death joke. My very existence laughs at death.”

Inside the batcave, the groaning was long-suffering and shameful.

“But that was actually brains,” Duke countered.

“Yeah. Calf brains. It's a delicacy.”

Tim massaged his forehead. What a mood.

Duke narrowed his eyes. “It was purely for the joke, wasn't it?”

Jason patted him on the back so hard Duke faltered. “One tragically wasted on your obtuse mind. I prefer me some Tête fromagée instead. Less like grainy jello.”

Stone-faced, Barbara wheeled herself toward the batcomputer. There, upon a series of quick clicks, she opened up the Bats's files. “Alright, you had your fun. Do you need to eat brains or are you just the world's least funny meathead?”

“I'm the world's most misunderstood vigilante!” Jason loudly protested, milking their pain for all it was worth. And then some. “But yeah, I do. No grey matter in there” -- he tapped his belly -- “no thinking up here.” -- his skull.

“Need some better quality brains then,” Tim stage-whispered to Stephanie.

Cass pointed the finger at Jason. “No killing for brains.”

Jason's good humor flickered with a flash of green. “Ain't ever done it, never will. It's a matter of morals, not hunger, Cass.”

Dick swooped in that minefield before it exploded.

“Great! Proud of you, Jay! You're the good kind of vegetarian zombie,” he said, putting an arm around his ginormous little brother's shoulders.

Wait a minute...

“Hey, you're older than when you died! Zombies don't age.”

“No, I was thrown into a Lazarus Pit, and the evil waters cured the malnutrition-induced delay on my growth. Haven't aged a day since.”

“I just thought you had a weird babyface thing going on,” Tim said.

Jason's grin turned sardonic. “Quite the opposite, Timber.”

Dick put his head in his hands in some vain attempt to prevent his brain from leaking through his ears. With his luck, his little brother would 'playfully' eat some of it. “There's no way you look this rugged at biologically sixteen! I refuse to believe that.”

“Can you imagine my power if I'd been allowed to reach my full potential?” Jason leered, eyebrows waggling like waves in a sea at storm. “So many heart attacks.”

Barbara and Cassandra exchanged a silent look, and, after a solemn nod, Cassandra reached up to slap Jason upside the head.

“Thank you, Cassandra,” Barbara told her. “Jason, never do such a thing again.”

The disgruntled groan that followed must have been on purpose, because Jay was indeed an asshole.

“Besides, it's not like the world will ever know,” Tim said, cutting, a smirk hiding by his hand.

Dick really thought his little brother was far too relaxed upon learning that Jason was one with the undead. Sure, they had all encountered various levels of zombies during their missions, from all sorts of oral traditions and cultures, alien viruses and hidden nanobots piloting meat puppets. It wasn't even classified as a nation-wide crisis to encounter free-roaming zombies. But since the chronically unalive individual in question was one of their own, Dick felt he was owed at least a whole evening of frazzled panic and incomprehension for once.

“Oh?” Stephanie instead asked, sensing blood.

Tim shrugged. “Well, you know, no pulse, no blood flow,” he said with an angled eyebrow nodding at Jason's crotch

Stunned silence followed, their expressions varying from disgust, horror, unholy glee and, from Jason himself, wide-eyed shock that his shrimp of a little brother had had the balls to assimilate the zombieness fast enough to mock him for him.

Dick prayed for patience. For fortitude. And for an alternate timeline where he was an only child.

Why, for all the love of cotton candy and professional uncriminal clowns, did Tim put THAT image of Jason inside their brains? What had he done, him, a loving model for all of society, to suffer like this?

Maybe if he asked nicely, Jason would eat the image out of his head. He owed Dick that much after this clusterfuck of a conversation.

“Ooooooooh,” Stephanie crooned, miming getting dunked on. With acrobatics.

Jason huffed. “Like I was ever interested in the first place. I ain't Dick.”

“Okay, no slut shaming or virgin shaming, in fact, no shaming at all, please. In this house, we accept all sexualities, but we don't give out raunchy details about any of it, I only have so much brain bleach.”

“Share?” Duke pleaded in a whisper.

Oh, I wish I could, you young innocent soul.

A few beeps turned their attention back to Barbara and the batcomputer. “Well, that's one long overdue update to Jason's files. Anyone else want to share their 'obvious' medical condition?”

“Excuse you, being dead is not a medical condition.”

“I will make you wish for the peace of the grave, Jason.”

Droplets dripped from nearby stalactites.

A few bats flew overhead.

Jason turned to them like nothing had been said.

“Right. That was fun. Best night of my month. Can't wait to tell the Outlaws.”

Dick resigned himself to a series of unflattering texts by the absolute dickheads that were his second family. He could already tell the messages would blow up his phone to the Moon. 'You didn't know your brother that came back from the dead is a zombie?!'

“Have mercy and wait tomorrow morning?”

That smile could have been great or terrible. “You're lucky I'm in a spectacularly good mood, Dick.”

He had lifted his leg over his bike's seat when Duke was struck by genuine worry.

“Wait. Does Bruce know?”

Jason barked out a laugh.

“Of course he does! God knows he's got some massive blind spots, but he's obsessive, paranoid and I find subcutaneous trackers on me every week. No way he didn't get the hint before now.”

But, as his gaze went over the rest of them, his good cheer dimmed, his grin slipping off his face as surely as a bit of decayed flesh.

“... Right?”

#fanfic #Jason Todd #Zombie Jason Todd #Dick Grayson #Batsiblings

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