#i hate my spirituality and the fact i can’t escape it! i hate that i can feel my spirit guide’s eyes boring a hole into my head!

[ghouliarestingplace]

The Orchid of Gallagher Mansion

part 1

It’s the same dream again. I’m a captain from the Victorian era and sailing a merchant ship from distant lands. There are moments of me smiling, looking off into the distance as I command my crew, and steer the ship. I can smell the salt in the air, the sound of the sea and feel the movement of the waves. I’m free and confident within myself. Free within my ship, free when I’m out at sea. Then the dream shifts.

The skies are dark and angry with thick layers of thundering clouds. The rain is pouring hard, and the waves crash against the boat, shaking it from every direction. The mast is broken, lightning striking it down as it comes crashing across the deck. Fire spreads fast and there’s a massive leak in the hull of the ship. As fire and water consumes the vessel, I yell out “abandon ship!”.  I only think of escaping when all my crewmates are on the lifeboats. Just as I’m about to abandon ship, I see a glowing flower sitting on my desk. I feel the string of my heart pulled taunt like a violin. And a tune begins to play. A melody made just for me, and my darling. I can hear someone’s name echo within the deepest corners of my soul. But it’s so far, so distant I can’t hear it, but only feel it’s warmth pepper my skin in light touches. Reaching for the flower, I nab it before my office collapses into flames.  

The dream goes dark, and the last thing I see, is the world above me becoming smaller and smaller as I’m swallowed up by the dark cold abyss.

It’s only after I can feel death’s cold grip on my lungs that I wake up. I’m not startled out of my sleep, not anymore. Not after having that dream so many times. I hate cold, damp, dark places. Dying in such a lonely manner, blinded by sheer nothingness and having the warmth strangled out of you—that terrifies me. But what I can’t stand is the underlying loneliness of that mystical flower, of what it represented, of who it was for. A name I hold dearly, a face that memorizes me, a deep love that shakes my very core. And I can’t remember who it is. I’m always so close to seeing them, to hearing them, to remembering them—but then I wake up. The dreams have started to change, from moments of me sailing to distant lands, to walking into a greenhouse. Or a room filled to the brim of flowers. The tapping of a cane. It frustrates me that I feel so much from those moments, but when I wake up, I can’t remember who it was.

Sighing, I get out of bed and get ready for the day. Once I’m dressed for class, I make breakfast and turn on the TV. I stare mindlessly at the TV, subconsciously scratching at my neck as I’m recalling my dreams and how frequent they’ve become. And how they seem to be longer, varying with different moments. But it all ends the same; With a glowing flower and a person I can’t put a face to. It’s infuriating. Sighing, I stop scratching once I catch myself. Lately my birthmark has been itching a lot lately.  Just as I’m about to leave, there’s a scream from the other room. It’s from my dormmate, Taylor, and this is probably about the upcoming meeting with clubs and student government. And the fact that our club can barely get and retain members, is probably the reason the student president is contacting Taylor. Honestly, I don’t know how the club was able to stay afloat for this long. It doesn’t matter, in the end what I expected to happen, did.

Rushing, I grab my bag and shove my laptop in. Trying to make my escape before he starts his ted talk about paranormal investigation and connecting to spirituality and what not. He’s my dorm bestie, but if I have to sit through another one of his rants about the paranormal and spirituality, I might just start a cult. As I’m trying to grab my keys off the damn hook I hear Taylor shout out my name and stomping steps to the door of his room. Just as I’m about to twist the door handle to leave our dorm room I feel him cling onto my back.

“(nnnnnnnAAAAAMMMMMEEEE)” He sobs into my back while pulling me back into the dorm. Groaning I look over my shoulder to see his angry teary eyed pout. If I was a weak woman I would have succumb. But I ain’t.

“Hands off chucky, I bite.” I Shrug him off then set my bag down on the little table in the entrance hall of our dorm. “What happened?” I say, and that’s all it takes as he grabs me by the shoulder and starts shouting about student government and that our club is doom unless we do something and that he’s going to have a meeting with the president later today.

I subtly roll my eyes and hug Taylor as best as I can since he’s taller than me.

“It okay you area 51 chucky, it’s okay.” Taunting him with a baby voice, I pat his head as he slinks down to the ground.  “We’ll figure something out so stop being a big baby.” He stops rambling and freezes in my arms. I feel his body tense and he’s burning to the touch. I blink and look to the side. I’ll try making an excuse for him. “It seems like this club stuff is stressing you out bro, you sure you aren’t running a fever or something. You should lie down before the meeting. I’ll go with you if you want--if it’s after my class.” He just silently nods and I let him go. “Alright well, text me the time and place and I’ll meet you there.” He just nods again and cough into his hand. “R-right! Right. I’ll text you! Buddy o’ mine!” He forcefully laughs and I smirk. “yea, well, I gotta head to class see ya’ “ I wave him goodbye and head out.

#the groom of gallagher mansion #elias gallagher #x reader #fem reader

[laure69]

The beginning

TW: Hi I don’t recommend reading this if you are sensitive to the following topics: Dysfunctional eating, Depression/Bipolar depression, abusive, assault, and self-harm

Btw I posted this because if anyone has gone through any of these your not alone :).

July 26, 2022

       Hi, so this was a journal about my depression, anxiety, and whatever else you can imagine. I don’t intend on sharing this however, one day I just might. This is just a little thing for me to write and help get out of my system. But basically, depression for me was just this little brick that was weighing down my shoulders, making me unable to do basic things ex; showering, brushing my teeth, getting out of bed, etc. Thankfully, it didn’t get as bad as were I didn’t shower for days or didn’t brush my teeth for days. It was an occasional thing. Yes, there were worse parts to it but we will get into that later. Depression changed me as a person plus, I had anxiety on my ass making me have little thoughts in my head and they certainly weren’t positive. But again, we will get into that later.

When I got depressed I felt nothing, your heart feels empty as if it was a void you feel nothing at all. Being happy is impossible unless something really good happens. Then, I met my friends who made me feel so happy I can’t even describe it. They made me feel good. But the depression was still there. I felt nothing, my friends were just like bandages but it wasn’t the medicine that cured my depression. When I got home I had an emotionally/verbally abusive stepdad he was like a bomb you didn’t know when he was going to explode. I was on high alert the whole time, he said awful things to me sometimes, he did things that I was uncomfortable with, he would hug me without my consent, he was very touchy, he made comments about my body, and one time he touched my ass and grabbed my wrist so I couldn’t let go  (I was 12-14 at the time practically a child) it’s hard for me to write about this and I’m almost 16. I found escape through my friends and spirituality. I’m glad my mom left him because I don't know what else would've happened if she stayed with him.

Even now I have flashbacks of the things he said and did, I would say he was one of the main reasons I am mentally ill. However there are other reasons for that too, one time he and my mom were scolding me about my grades, and they told me “I’m useless, worthless, a disappointment’’, and that affected me. That's when I grabbed a razor blade and I cut my skin with it. It made the emotional pain go away, and in a way, it felt good. That’s when I first started self-harming no one and I'm not planning on telling people at all about this. I stopped for a month, then it was my arm next, I don’t even remember what happened that well and why I did that, I think my brain blocked it out of my memory. Sometimes I felt like I was crazy, that I was alone, that I didn’t deserve anyone, that I’m useless, worthless, etc. One of the main reasons I still self-harm now. I can’t stop it’s like an addiction, I barely do it. In fact, I haven’t done it in a month which is good but honestly, I don’t know how long I am going to last. 

My first panic attack was one of the scariest things I have experienced, I haven’t had one in a really long time. I’m scared that it’s going to happen again. I still remember being on my bed sitting criss-cross and hyperventilating. I thought I was going to die. I hated it.  Thankfully, I had my best friend to help me. Thanks to them, I'm alive. I wouldn’t be here without them. Back to the panic attacks, I was basically yelled at by my stepdad. I don't even remember what he said to me but it definitely wasn’t good. Later on, well still, I have a very unhealthy relationship with food. I'm not going to say I have an eating disorder because I’m not diagnosed. Some days I barely eat and some other days I eat normally. It’s never healthy. I lost a shit ton of weight which made me develop a better figure, but some days I still feel useless and unworthy, and I just want to lay in bed all day and do nothing but sleep. Which I have done before but, thanks to my meds I feel better and more motivated (which is the majority of the days). Thankfully I’m better now but I’m not done telling the stories.

August 2, 2022

Hi, so it’s been a few days since I wrote this but basically, we left off where I was talking about how my first panic attack went down which from what we know was one of the worst things I went through. A year or two before my first panic attack was one of the first times I self-harmed. Some people don’t understand why people self-harm, which is understandable. Why put more pain on yourself when you're already going through so much pain? The emotional pain can’t be compared to the physical pain you're going through. The reason I self-harmed/ sometimes still do (haven’t in a while) the physical pain is a distraction from the emotional pain. While yes it might sound stupid that you're putting more pain on yourself but the physical pain is a distraction or a coping mechanism from the emotional pain. 

  August 3, 2022

Back when I first self-harmed, I used the things you used to shave, which was scraping my skin off with a razor if that’s what it’s called. I don't want to place blame on anyone but, I got called worthless and a disappointment mind you, I was like 12. That seriously fucks someone up. When I was in middle school I started getting depressed I think the main reason was that I started to see how my ex-stepdad was and how much of a fucked up person he is. My grades went down, I was antisocial, I binged, started eating a lot, feeling tired, starting to self-harm, etc. My mom didn’t see anything wrong with me till I turned 14. That's when she started to see a pattern of how bad I got. 

When I gained a lot of weight (like 30 pounds) I was eating unhealthy and not working. The heaviest I got was 180 pounds which in reality isn’t that bad but, for me, that’s a lot. When I got up to 180 pounds I was very insecure. I hated showing my arms or wearing tight clothing. Now I am the complete opposite of course. I'm still very insecure but in that insecurity, I have a bunch of confidence. Most of the time, the confidence outshines insecurity. Yes, I have my days where I am most insecure but I managed to get out of that dark hole. The story of how I lost most of my weight is kind of a movie honestly. I went to this teenage party when I was like 13 and I saw a bunch of skinny girls just walking and dancing and I was that kid in the corner sitting there awkwardly I felt so out of place. I was like “No I’m going to lose weight” and I did. I lost 40 pounds in a healthy way. Then later since, I got used to not eating that much, I started obsessing about my weight and barely ate or ate one meal a day. I managed to lose 10 pounds. I don’t recommend anyone lose weight in a bad way, do it in a healthy way. Right now I am slowly improving. I am not diagnosed with an eating disorder so I am not going to say I have one. 

What caused me to lose weight the unhealthy way? My family ever since I was little liked to make comments about my body, either I was too thin, flat, thick, or flat like bro pick a side I can’t be all of those things at once. When I was like 8 or 9 my grandma monitored what I ate or if I ate food that was slightly unhealthy she would comment for example, “You're going to get too fat and ugly” like miss, I”m 8/9 like come on a kid should not be hearing this. They would comment on little things and most of the time they weren’t the best. Families are supposed to bring each other up not down. This made me really insecure and it still affects me to this day. When I was losing weight they would comment on how I was getting flat and losing all of my curves. Soo, that made me gain another insecurity and I’m still insecure to this day. 

Furthermore, I would like to talk about my anxiety (btw I am diagnosed)  and how it affected me, and how it still affects me to this day. It doesn’t affect me that bad but, it’s really stupid basically, it affects me in the smallest way. If anything happens like I get slightly bad news I automatically think of the worst thing that could happen, I often feel fatigue I don’t know if it’s because of depression or anxiety but I did my research and I think it’s anxiety it’s not medically diagnosed so I’m not going to say for sure it is. I sometimes think someone is mad at me for no reason or for the smallest things. Plus, if I do think someone is mad at me I overthink a lot. 

Lastly, I want to talk about my bipolar depression and this is diagnosed. It's very hectic and sadly it can’t be cured however there’s certain medication that helps reduce the symptoms of bipolar depression.  The funny thing is one of my friends told me you might have bipolar depression and I was like “Nah, I’m fine”, girl you are not fine. My symptoms included me being impulsive I did dumb shit I would not be saying what I did for certain reasons. I had days where I felt really happy for no reason and I was really hyper dancing, jumping around, laughing over the dumbest shit and etc. Then, I had days where I was so tired I couldn’t even get out of bed and function ex: shower, do my hair, change outfits, etc. Thankfully for me, it didn’t get as bad and I was able to sort off manage it without medication. 

#mental abuse #mentally exhausted #mentally ill #parental abuse

[an-droid-girl]

everything is temporary and nothing is real

we all exist in a state of transience

#system message #[singing] iiii hate myseeeelf! i hate my flesh prision! i hate my brain and all it’s neurons! #i hate my spirituality and the fact i can’t escape it! i hate that i can feel my spirit guide’s eyes boring a hole into my head! #[begins dancing a fun little jig] i hate that i am the boy who stuck his finger in the leaky dam and now there are more holes to plug #but i only have two hands! #la de la de lee de lee la di la di lee!

[mordigen]

Unpopular opinion: Christians are not witches

I said it. Fight me.

There has been a trend that has been growing ever more problematic recently: overbearing, hyper-zealous, hyper-vigilant "acceptance" This means the pagan community is an absolute free-for all, and you are not allowed to so much as even feign the possibility that you do not agree with absolutely 100% of everything, lest you be named a gatekeeping, ignorant bigot.

Whether you like it or not - there ARE paths out there that have specific rules...regulations...stipulations...tenets - whatever the hell you want to call or classify them. End. Period. There's no other colour that comes in - that's it. Sorry for you, but they DO exist. In fact, there are many of them.

If you do not follow those rules, tenets, etc..., then you are not of that path. Point. Blank. And there is nothing wrong with that - it simply means that you are of some other path. That's it! That's all that means! It may be *nearly* identical to the path in question - but it is not, hence the 'nearly'.

If you happen to be a part of one of these paths, there is absolutely nothing wrong with saying so. If someone claims to be a part of one of these paths, but are absolutely, blatantly not - there is nothing wrong with saying that, and explaining why that is. Some people just honestly don't know there is a difference, or that these certain prerequisites are indeed a definitive factor - so they learn something, they broaden their horizons. Everyone seems to be all about educating themselves about being sensitive to other cultures and customs - except the pagan community, apparently, because this mentality does not translate across that pagan/witch line. Instead of taking it as a learning experience, you are immediately pounced on with notions of 'there are no rules!' 'you can't tell someone what to do on their own path!' Or, simply, the name calling. Well yes, while all of that is true - it still remains that how ever you want to practice or whatever you personally decide to do, may just simply not be what you are claiming, or calling it. It may just be semantics - but semantics matter when dealing with nuance. And paganism is extremely nuanced.

You can call a tomato an orange all you want to - but that thing will never be an orange, no matter how much you believe in it. And people are not wrong for informing you that you may have the wrong name, that is in fact, a tomato. If you go on deciding to call it an orange, you can do that - but that is willful ignorance. So, in your fight to be unapologetically accepting of every ridiculous notion, you are perpetuating willful ignorance - whilst being directly in opposition of your goal and being, *GASP*, unaccepting to those who follow a path where distinction and definition matters. You are completely invalidating those people's paths and beliefs while trying to defend another's (another who may, in fact, actually be wrong) and actively using their path & beliefs as the very reason to berate and ostracize them. Pretty fantastically hypocritical of you. Now...on to the second problem. I do not, at all, in any form, believe in "ritual magick" - as perpetuated by Aleister Crowley hardons. And no, that is not a knock on Crowley, just the idiot followers that don't understand half of what he taught and latch onto the superficial.

When you look at the origins and make up of magical beliefs, and magic itself as a separate entity - no matter which particular branch - they were all created by religion. They all have roots in highly spiritual cultures and customs. So, I absolutely do not believe for one second that you can believe in magic without SOME form of religion - whatever one you adhere to is your choice, but you cannot have the first without the latter. You cannot. Even if you claim that you have no religion, or spiritual faith, your practices absolutely do. You are calling on elements and agencies that absolutely have divine ties and connections one way or another. Oh, how many atheists I see calling on the seals of Arch Angels.... are you fucking shittin me? Really?? So let's bring it all together now - with the fact that many faiths DO have prerequisites, AND the fact that magic is religious/spiritual -- Christians are not, and cannot be witches or pagans. They are mutually exclusive. Not only because so many various paths have such prerequisites, and very define religious/spiritual beliefs that are contradictory to others - but simply because Christianity DOES, very much, have very clear and stringently defined Do's & Don'ts, and obviously the religious aspect itself clashes with the religious beliefs of others. Their religious beliefs clash with people who believe in their same god - so how could they not with those who believe in other gods?? Considering this, no other path would even need such stipulations themselves for them to be mutually exclusive, as Christianity already covers that issue so completely, but the fact that so many pagan paths do only exacerbates an already existing problem. That being said - that does not mean you cannot believe in the Christian 'god', by whatever name you know him by - or that you cannot believe in Jesus, and also be a witch or pagan. In fact the latter has an even bigger argument for believing in both, as paganism, generically, in itself is polytheistic, so it is very fitting to simply have the Christian god and Jesus amongst the many deities being worshipped. But those two things alone is not what makes Christianity. A good start, yes, but that is not all it takes - in fact, there are many that are shunned, excommunicated, banned, condemned and moreso whilst having those very two qualifying factors. You can find this in *every single* sect of Christianity, so...the proof is in the pudding, as they say, that it is much more than simply believing in 'God' and Jesus that makes a 'Christian'. And if you take that to heart and follow all those rules - you cannot be a witch or pagan, many times over, as you would be in direct opposition, or violation, of a number of their teachings - both on the aspect of simple 'rules', but also on a much deeper spiritual level of the entire foundation of their faith. Cannot serve two masters, and all that... If you do not follow those rules, then sure, you could be a witch or a pagan - but then you cannot be a Christian. That is just the facts.

Many people like to argue the use of magic and mysticism in the bible - but the issue is what parts of the bible they are found, and all the amendments of the further books. Again, what really carves out being a Christian vs. any of the other sects of Abrahamic beliefs. As, news flash - there is far more than just Christianity. And some of them, do, in fact, do hand in hand with magic. The Kabbalah is an astounding example of that - and, in fact, where a lot of the so called *ahem* 'non'-religious 'ritual magick' comes from. In this same vein, I would like to note that I have never had any issue or seen conflict with the Hebrew or Jewish take on shamans, mystics and witches, as they really do go hand in hand - They have their own very in depth, detailed, spiritual and sentimental form of mysticism that was a natural progression from pre-Abrahamic religions and culture, and grew into their teachings and belief system, so it does not go against their core beliefs the same way it very stringently does in Christian theology. Considering their ethnical histories and cultural heritage - this is a brilliant example of the natural evolution and progression of faiths - not simply ripped from the hands of the brutally oppressed and rewritten as a mockery to wipe out the preexisting notion of faiths -- as the Church has a history of doing. The Book of Enoch is another shining example of Biblical magic, or Angelic magic. But, this also also turns my point into a self fulfilling prophecy, as in the fact that it is accepted amongst all denominations as heresy, and it is taught that these magics - though they do, in fact, exist, were for the angels and completely forbidden from mankind. So, thusly, if you are a follower of Enoch, you are not a 'Christian', by name and membership, as you are outright going against it's teachings. You are a heretic, a blasphemer. Perhaps you may be one of the many other forms of the Christian god's followers - but not a Christian, as being Christian denotes a very specific set of beliefs and tenets - end of story. Magic, and paganism, is in direct conflict with those teachings, and therefore, cannot coexist.

On top of the logic - there is also the emotional issue. Christianity has a long history of abuse towards various pagan, tribal and indigenous faiths, while stealing our beliefs as their own, and demonizing those they couldn't successfully acclimate into theirs. To now be expected to be OK with this faith, yet again, latching on to *our* sacred rites and practices as being a part of their own is a hard pill to swallow at best, a slap in the face to most, and flat out perpetuating trauma at worst. Once upon a time, people sought out these very same communities and groups within their pagan circles as an escape, a safe space, and a shield and guardian against the Christian onslaught, torment, oppression, or just exhaustion - and now, we must not only tolerate them invading our private spaces, but must now welcome them with open arms and expected to be happy about it? Forgive me if I don't sympathize....

If we are going to now be forced into being shoulder to shoulder with them, the very least you can offer us is neutrality. You can be accepting of all and still be neutral grounds - not taking any one side anywhere, all you have to do is be respectful to each other. Disagreement is not disrespectful. Could someone who disagrees with a certain viewpoint *become* disrespectful? Sure, of course they could. But simply the act of disagreement is nothing hateful or hurtful in any way shape or form - in fact, good discourse is how progress is made. So we need to remain neutral grounds and normalize the acceptance of different viewpoints - we need to recognize and accept that, yes, there are paths out there that do have specific requirements, expectations and limits - there are paths that are going to disagree, or just flat out not believe in something. Instead of name calling, when someone of those paths decides to speak up and enlighten and elaborate on information that may be inaccurately described or depicted, you need to LISTEN and learn, and not just bludgeon them with presumptive judgement. You also need to accept that there are many, various different closed practices out there - beyond Native American & Voodoo practices (as those seem to be the only ones the pagan community recognizes) and if someone of those closed faiths tell you - no, you are not xy or z, that is also not being judgmental or hateful or hurtful - that simply is. ....a very important side note here is that acknowledging closed practices is also not a carte blanche for screaming about cultural appropriation. Please shut the fuck up about cultural appropriation. Not being of a specific faith is not equivalent to cultural appropriation - Telling someone "no, you're not xyz" is very different from telling someone "no, you can't practice xyz" (looking at you smudge-Nazis) You can enjoy, practice, learn or celebrate anything you want of any faith you want while not actually being apart of it - that's the beauty of sharing and learning. And I think that is where all the trouble boils down from:

Yes, you can do whatever you want and can create whatever path you want for yourself...just don't misrepresent it, don't call it something it is not, and don't deny those who are more educated & experienced in that particular department. We get enough of that from outsiders to start doing it to each other.

#madd mordi #mordi #mordigen #mordigen malone #pagan #paganism #pagan problems #mordiwrites #pagan pride #christian witches #christians are not witches

[robininthelabyrinth]

Instead of freeing Nie Huaisang after the indoctrination camp Wen Chao keeps him and forces him to act as entertainment in an effort to humiliate the Nie's. Jokes on him though, as Nie Huaisang uses his new position to send coded messages.

In Here, With Me - ao3 (chapter 1/2)

- Untamed verse -

Left behind in the indoctrination camp when all the other sect heirs escaped, Nie Huaisang found himself in Wen Chao’s clutches, left to his amusement – and his amusement was to force Nie Huaisang to serve at his entertainment.

Are you telling me you’re a clown?!

“Rude, da-ge,” Nie Huaisang huffed, rolling his eyes at his brother’s note. “Very rude. I’m an entertainer.”

Although a rather large portion of his brand new entertain-the-troops routine was being laughed at, yes…

Damnit, da-ge! Leave a man some self-respect!

Sadly, there wasn’t enough space for him to get that sentence in along with the rest of the information he was sending back home, battle plans and supply lines and the rest. Just enough for a single additional sentence –

Sometimes the most dangerous place is the safest.

A little later, he got his brother’s response: Stop making sense. I hate it when you do that.

Nie Huaisang smiled.

-

“Can you stop shoving me around?” Nie Huaisang complained to Wen Chao after the first day of being the Wen sect’s punching bag. “You want me to entertain people, I can be entertaining! In ways other than slapstick!”

“Oh yeah?” Wen Chao sneered. “Like what?”

“I can tell stories,” Nie Huaisang said promptly. “I can paint. I compose poetry on the spot, including lewd poetry. I can do astronomy readings and calculate fortunes. I can juggle my saber. I can –”

“You can not.”

“Which one?”

“Juggle a saber!”

Nie Huaisang crossed his arms. “I can too! Or, well, da-ge always says that’s what I’m doing when I’m trying to train…”

Wen Chao sniggered. “Oh, this I’ve got to see. Someone get him a sword!”

“I can’t use a sword!” Nie Huaisang exclaimed. “Saber, saber! One side sharp only! If I tried it with a two-sided blade, I’d cut my arm off and then where would you be, huh? Without any entertainment, and no hostage, either!”

Wen Chao rolled his eyes. “Saber, then.”

Everyone looked at each other uncertainly – the saber wasn’t a common weapon for Qishan Wen.

“Just get me mine,” Nie Huaisang suggested. “What, are you all afraid I’ll fight my way out if I have my own spiritual weapon with me? Me?”

They were not afraid of him.

Nie Huaisang gripped his proper Nie saber that was warm under his fingers, with the clean blade that (currently) showed no sign of words, and smiled.

-

The Jiang sect won’t listen to my warnings.

Nie Huaisang gritted his teeth and stared at his saber. You’re joking, he wrote on the blade with his finger and a bit of qi. I warned you a whole week ago. We’re attacking tomorrow! With overwhelming forces!

I’m trying my best! I can only smuggle so many cultivators nearby without permission. What am I supposed to do, write off the whole place as a loss and just kidnap all their disciples to keep them from getting murdered?

Why not? If that’s all you can do, at least it’s something.

-

“The wine that’s going to the main table is on the bottom left,” Nie Huaisang said when he found Wen Ning standing there.

Wen Ning jumped. “Oh! Nie-gongzi…”

“You’re here to rescue Jiang Cheng, right? And you’re going to drug the wine? Bottom left.”

“…thanks.” Wen Ning hesitated. “Do you need a rescue, too?”

“Oh, no, I’m good. Tell Jiang Cheng that I’m sorry I couldn’t help more, and next time he should listen when my brother says to run away. He doesn’t say it often, so when he does, he means it.”

Wen Ning hesitated still.

“What?”

“Did you really break Wen Zhuliu’s hand before he could melt Jiang Cheng’s core?”

“It was,” Nie Huaisang said with great dignity, “an accident.”

-

“Listen, I get you,” Nie Huaisang said to a confused-looking Wei Wuxian. “Revenge is nice, rescue is sweet. But I need you to let Wen Chao get close enough to the Nightless City that me making my way there as the terrified last surviving witness is at least plausible, or we lose our best in to get info from the Wen sect. So just, you know, wait a bit longer, okay?”

-

“Meng Yao!” Nie Huaisang hollered, throwing himself into Meng Yao’s arms. “Oh, it’s so good to see you again!”

“Uh,” Meng Yao said.

Wen Ruohan laughed.

Nie Huaisang burst into tears and buried his face into Meng Yao’s neck.

Wen Ruohan laughed harder.

Meng Yao smiled awkwardly, but that was probably the fact that Nie Huaisang had already sealed his spiritual energy and had a knife to his belly.

“You’d better be here as a spy,” Nie Huaisang whispered in his ear as the Wen sect ignored them.

“Definitely,” Meng Yao murmured back, though his tone wasn’t as definitive as Nie Huaisang would prefer. “I need Wen Ruohan’s head to get my father’s approval.”

“Does my brother know?”

“…no.”

“Who does?”

“Huaisang –”

“I have my own ways of passing information. Well?”

“…Sect Leader Lan.”

“I look forward to finding out if he confirms it,” Nie Huaisang said, patting Meng Yao on the cheek, and then blubberingly begs his way into sharing a room with the man. He’s gotten pretty good at getting Wen Ruohan to agree to these sorts of silly requests – the man had just the same awful sense of humor as his son.

-

“I can’t believe you survived this long as the Nie sect’s spy,” Meng Yao marveled when it was all done.

Nie Huaisang shrugged. “I’ll give you lessons,” he offered with a grin. “If you like. It’s my one skill, apparently!”

“The war is over,” Meng Yao pointed out in return, shaking his head and smiling. “My father has accepted me back into the Jin sect and given me a new name. What use do I have for the skills of spy?”

“Of being a Nie sect spy,” Nie Huaisang corrected, and put his hand on Meng Yao’s shoulder. “If things don’t go well for you in the Jin sect…Think about it, will you? If da-ge won’t accept you, then I will.”

#mdzs #nie huaisang #nie mingjue #jin guangyao #meng yao #my fic #my fics #in here with me

[leakyrocktarot]

Totally random but only answer if the asks are open and you are comfortable with the question.

Youtube is filled with BTS future spouse readings. Majority of those are false with hundreds of girls claiming themselves to be Mrs. Jeon and Mrs. Tae. Even there are videos of girls talking about their so called twin-flame journey with a BTS member. Its 100% fake but why are so many people feeling a connection with Tae and JK all of a sudden? Is there something special about these two out of all the BTS members (apart from their visual and sexual appeal) that these girls are ready to change their career just to morph themselves into someone that they are not. Even there are people (yt readers) who say stuff like Jimin having one night stand (its normal, he's an adult. He can do whatever he wants to do as long as its consensual). Even the same reader took the name of the girl jungkook is in a relationship rn. Aren't these people acting like spiritual sasaengs? There was this video too about jks chart reading and the person wrote that he will have the tendancy to be an abusive partner but then she contradicted it in the comments by saying that he will control it. The real question is why do some psychics cross the line with their readings. I get it they want to be transparent (for views and subs) but they are no less than sasaengs. I know my thoughts are all over the place but it bugs me to see people fighting over a guy who is not theirs. Majority of these girls are teens and I'm not even judging them (even i wanted to marry Niall when i was 14) but sometimes you need to be a little practical. Imagine leaving a beautiful career behind because you want to become an idol and go to S. Korea and then magically you'll meet a BTS member and somehow your group will be more famous then BP and BTS and then you'll marry your bias 😂. Like don't take readings seriously specially done by readers on yt who claim to connect to Mrs. Jeon everyday. Even the drama here is stirred up by the same girls when their personalities don't match up with the Mrs. Why spread hate when u can spread love. Love BTS for their art not for their face and bodies (but if only love them for their face then GETTTTT OUTTTTTTTTTTT)

I asked you the jungkook after disbanding question and loved it when you just kept his love life out of the reading.

Anyways i love you blog and your take on things. Sending you positive vibes from India.

☁                    ⛅

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💕💖💖💖💖💖💖

💗💖💖💖💖💖💖

💗💖💖💖💖💖💖

     💗💖💖💖💖

          💗💖💖

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     ☁     👖

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🌴🌲🌳🌵🌲🌲🌵

🌲🌵🌳🌳🌴🌴🌲

Hello!! Thank you for sending this!! I feel like people are more concerned with Taehyung and Jungkook because those two fit the universal beauty standard. I feel as though a lot of the people who do like them are somewhat forcing their attraction, as they have the status of the two most popular members in bts. I feel like some people may still be chasing the idea of feeling popular and being loved by many, mostly because they were probably an outkast in school or by their family. I feel like Jungkook and Taehyung are the two members that are projected on the most because they are "more relatable" even though all of the members are relatable to a degree. I have a feeling that most people are attracted to Jungkook simply because of his age and the fact that he's the youngest member, so much so to the point that people forget that he's actually 23 and is a grown adult. I feel like people reduce him down to the "golden maknae" troupe to fit some sort of borderline ped0phill@c thing. I have seen people obsessing too much over him being younger. As for Taehyung, I feel like it has more so with the fact that he sets clear boundaries and he seems to be unattainable. As humans, attaining the unattainable is something that is innate that all people strive for one way or the other. I feel as though for Taehyung as well, it might be how he carries himself, he knows that he is handsome and has a fuckboy air to him even though that's not how he's like it is represented by the way he acts mostly. I feel like for the most part when people obsessed over connections with these people it's purely as escapism. They rather live their life thinking that they will be married to this random idol and bend their life around it rather than living their life as a separate person. Come to think of it, I don't think these people even consider what the idol wants nor what they're okay with. I wouldn't feel comfortable with someone changing their entire life to fit mine, or changing their entire being to fit what I want. I don't think many of these idols would want someone that is more concerned with fitting into what the idol wants rather than what that person wants. In my opinion it makes the person seem kind of brainless, how can someone not have any other goal except for being with someone who probably won't know you. Even in today's society, you are meant to live separate of your partner, you can't build your whole life around them because then they'll slowly become the only thing you have and the only piece of your identity, if they were to leave what would you have left? I feel like a lot of people put too much emphasis on romantic love and sexual relationships they often overlook everything else life has to offer. Bts and other idols are grown people, they are adults, they have their own lives and so does everyone else on the planet. No one else should be trying to govern what is right for them or not, no one else should be trying to interfere with their love lives, let them live as the universe intend, as an adult capable of making their own decisions.

#bts tarot readings #bts tarot #bts tarot reading #bts future spouse #jungkook #jimin #taehyung #jin #rm #namjoon #yoongi #suga #jhope #hoseok

[johns-prince]

“I’ve seen religion from Jesus to Paul” I always thought that line wasn’t about John worshipping Paul, but about other people worshipping Paul. I mean, John is criticising religion in this song, he’s criticising worship. He didn’t believe in Jesus, so “from Jesus to Paul” doesn’t seem like it’s supposed to be about himself and his religions imo. I always thought it was about beatlemania and how people worship Paul like a god when in reality he’s just as flawed as any of us. It’d fit with John being mad at Paul.

I might be wrong of course! I never thought about it as John saying he worshipped Paul, so my point of view isn’t really well thought out or anything. It’s just what goes through my head when I listen to the song. I hope you don’t think I disagree with you or anything 🥺 I just love discussing mclennon

No, I think you’re right, but I also believe it’s more complicated than that.

I found something, and I find it really interesting:

“In this angry and bitter song Lennon attacks a number of falsehoods such as the idolatry of the Beatles and how he is the focus for many of those involved in the peace movement.” [x]

It’s incredibly curious how John went with using only Paul’s name, if that’s what this song is supposed to be about. If it’s supposed to be about the whole band itself, why only use Paul’s name in it? Why be so direct as that? We know why—

“The lyrics are some of Lennon’s most vitriolic, taking shots at religion, his parents, drugs, and even his former songwriting partner (“I seen religion from Jesus to Paul”). It presents a clear perspective on the past, a theme he would revisit on the Imagine album’s ‘Oh My Love’ the following year.” [x]

Now that make’s better sense, since I don’t believe this was taking a shot directly at The Beatles and the period of idolatry (Beatlemania), but taking direct shots at Paul. 

It’s hypocritical for him to basically claim people were worshipping Paul like some God or religion, when John was being no better in basically being quite obsessive about the man. The opposite of love isn’t hate, but indifference.

And again, if this song is supposed to be about criticizing the worship and idolatry of The Beatles, why is he only directly referencing Paul McCartney? 

Doesn’t add up. 

To me this song is not only for John to “air out” his supposed grievances, and emotions/feelings towards Paul, but to be petty, and lash out at his ex-partner.  

This song screams scorned lover to me, someone who’s clearly hurt, deeply hurt, and is lashing out and using music to convey how he feels. I don’t agree that it presents a clear perspective on the past, because it’s John in the 70s and we all must acknowledge that 70s John is not at all a reliable narrator, and often contradicted himself in interviews and double backed on what he’d say about the past, and what he had to say or feel about Paul. It’s his perspective, that’s true, but more-so a skewed perspective on not only the past, but of his feelings at the time and heat of the moment, towards Paul.

John was probably not only envious (To John, Paul is stable, he’s put together, and John recognized and acknowledged that Paul was extraordinarily talented and could very well succeed without him), but hurt that Paul, it seemed, didn’t need him to get along. A fear that most likely rooted and became a nagging insecurity, after Paul unleashed Yesterday in 1965, and then came the questions of whether Paul would leave The Beatles (John) and start a solo career. 

It’s obvious that the band broke up because of what was going on between John and Paul, their falling out due to John’s growing lack of involvement due to his use of heroin, which made him unapproachable and testy, his unhealthy escapism into Yoko and her influence/presence. In the end, it’s no real surprise that Paul left. John resented it, even if it was his fault, his doing and behavior that left Paul with no other choice then to abandon ship. 

So, Paul left him, and was planning on going solo, and launching his own band in the next year.

Now let me point something out put on your tinfoil hats let’s see if I don’t lose any of you here lol—

Now that I showed you what I been through Don't take nobody's word what you can do There ain't no Jesus gonna come from the sky Now that I found out I know I can cry I, I found out I, I found out

Okay, so I’m reading the two lyrics “There ain’t no Jesus gonna come from the sky,” and “Now that I found out I know I can cry,” as connected. While yes John didn’t seem to believe in Jesus, he was still spiritual. Now, take those two lyrics, of some messiah not going to come and how the realization of it, of the fact this religion or ‘God’ isn’t going to come down and save you— and finding this out, of course you’re going to cry. 

What you believed was going to somehow save you, save you from the miseries of life and save you from yourself, wasn’t actually going to come, or happen, that can really break person who was relying on such faith. 

I seen through junkies, I been through it all I've seen religion from Jesus to Paul Don't let them fool you with dope and cocaine No one harm you feel your own pain I, I found out I, I found this out I, I found out

Now, I do agree that John is knocking religion and idolatry worship, but also taking shots at Paul. 

But I just think John’s outing himself here, because, okay look. John’s seen through junkies— John was a junkie when writing this, let’s be real. He can say he isn’t fooled by them, but he clearly is— he was fooling himself. 

So let’s just go with John is apparently attacking The Beatles here— we all know John loved The Beatles, and had just as much faith and passion for it as Paul did. He put all his eggs in that theoretical basket. 

And throughout the height of The Beatles, who were the two always together? Who had plans about sticking together and growing old together still making music? Who two had ideas to write a musical together, one day? 

John and Paul were John and Paul, and both believed it was always going to be that way. They’d mentioned running off to Scotland to escape a potential draft, Paul had said that after The Beatles he and John would still continue making music together, that as they got older they’d even make music for other, younger musicians to play. It was ALWAYS John and Paul, like, always. 

So imagine you have all this faith in someone, all this love, you see them as a stable structure in your life, someone who rarely let’s you down, who’s ALWAYS going to be there for you, who has shared so many intimate experiences with, who knows you and has seen you without your armor on, seen the good the  bad and the ugly and still wants to be with you, who you’ve shared similar, vivid dreams with, who would experience misery and fear with you (the LSD trip), who seemingly shares a secret and unspoken language with you— only for all of it, to fall flat, for it to go horribly wrong, for them to (unintentionally) reject you, to hurt you and leave you feeling abandoned and alone. That perhaps they don’t love you in the way you’d come to the realization that you wanted them too. 

For you to realize, or feel, like they can’t save you, that they can’t fix you. Because, like you said, Paul isn’t perfect, he doesn’t always have it together, he wasn’t as stable as John believed him to be naturally— Paul’s just as flawed as any of us. He was struggling too, and simply couldn’t always meet John’s sometimes unrealistic expectations and desires.

I think in some way, The Beatles, and thus Paul, were somewhat of a religion to John. He believed in them unlike anything else. Even if partially satirical, the comment of them becoming Bigger than Jesus, I think that in itself is worship (even if that’s unintentional, or perhaps a Freudian slip) of what they all created together— what John and Paul created together. That they could become more popular than Jesus Christ himself, and the religions he’s attached too. 

So I honestly believe John was just telling on himself throughout this song. How John wrote his songs, they were personal, they had something to do with him, how he felt and perceived things, his desires and fears— even when attacking or criticizing someone, or something else. 

Cor I could be 100% completely wrong in my interpretation and analysis, and I’m just a biased McLennoner who needs to shaddup.

Now a side tangent real quick because I found this and I have something to say:

“This song includes the line: "The freaks on the phone won't leave me alone, so don't give me that brother, brother." Lennon explained the lyric to the January edition of Rolling Stone. He said: "I'm sick of all these aggressive hippies or whatever they are, the "Now Generation," being very up-tight with me. Either on the street or anywhere, or on the phone, demanding my attention, as if I owed them something."  [x]

In 1969 he and Yoko did that performative, elitist Bed In For Peace for two whole bloody weeks. Not to mention spreading all that “War is over if you want it to be,” sloganeering. Of course they (the hippie Now Generation) expected something from him, he’d been playing political activist with Yoko for attention, and he got it. So for him to be bitching about suddenly being looked too as some leading figure for these movements, I think is pretty telling. 

Like how it mentioned up there, that John had an issue being part of the main focus for those in the ‘Peace movement’, I think it’s funny, or at most annoying, how people claim John was some hippie or commie when, I think it was clear, he didn’t want anything to do with those individuals or whatever they were selling (I mean John was materialistic and a capitalist, all the boys were) John wasn’t political, he wasn’t very interested in all that, and like with most things, his fascination and interest in it faded quickly and he became bored and disillusioned by the ideologies and political figures, and dropped them.

I’m not saying John didn’t care, like anyone he had opinions and thoughts, feelings on subjects— he wasn’t seriously into politics. He wasn’t a political leader, he didn’t want to become a political figure or martyr, he wasn’t a radical of any sorts, and had admitted later on about being embarrassed about who he was during the Imagine period of his life, and regretted a lot of what he’d said or done. 

Anyway... I know this was supposed to be about dissecting the lyrical and personal(mclennon) meaning too “I’ve seen religion from Jesus to Paul,” but it really is all over the place. Sorry about that. 

#questionsquestionsquestions #mclennon #beatles discussion/discourse

[franniebanana]

CQL Rewatch - Episode 4

Okay, it’s been a hot minute since I was able to get to watching this episode, but here we go!

Great intro. Remember last time how Lan Wangji got to pick Wei Wuxian’s punishment? Well, it seems that Wei Wuxian was up late into the night working on transcribing and, surprise! he’s not done. And unless I’m mistaken, he’s actually spent days doing this, because when they first arrived, the salute ceremony was ten days away, and here we see Wei Wuxian is almost late for it. So by this point, I’d expect Wei Wuxian to have some serious hand cramps from all that calligraphy.

While I enjoy this comical moment and introduction to Nie Huaisang, I have to wonder why he thought bringing a bird into the salute ceremony was a good idea. Birds make noise—they tweet, flap their wings, try to escape cages! Anyway, it’s a goofy moment, but we got some cute expressions out of Xiao Zhan and some disdainful looks from Wang Yibo, so I can’t complain.

Xiao Zhan does a really good job of looking very young here at the beginning: his mannerisms, his facial expressions, how he carries himself, all really creates this feeling of being young and carefree. On the other side, Wang Yibo (who is six years younger than Xiao Zhan) does an equally good job of portraying someone more severe, mature, elitist. Lan Wangji has a reputation for being above people—for creating an aura that implies other people aren’t worth his time. In fact, he doesn’t even have any friends, as we found out in the last episode.

Wangxian really suit each other, even before they know each other at all: Wei Wuxian has this light, carefree nature to his character, while Lan Wangji’s is darker, more austere.

First of all, those fuckers. Gossiping about his lineage in full earshot of not only Jin Guangyao but also Jin Zixuan. This poor guy has practically clawed his way up to where he is, only to be an attendant to a clan that he has no blood relation to. His own father refuses to acknowledge him, his mother is gone, and these jerks gossiping—ugh! Hate it, regardless of who he grows to be later on in the series.

I really love Jin Guangyao and seeing how he changes from beginning to end is honestly a delight to watch. Like most of the characters, he seems so pure, so simple, such a kind person, and his relationship with Lan Xichen is something that you can’t devote enough time to. I think it gets shortchanged a little, but they only had 50 episodes, so I’ll take what I can get. Even in the book, I was left wanting to know more and see more about them (but I wouldn’t trade my wangxian content for that, so I guess I shouldn’t complain).

Last thing I want to say is, DIMPLES! Look at those adorable dimples!!

This is so insane—he literally set this guy on fire! How can he get away with this?! Anyway, enter Draco Malfoy—I mean, Wen Chao. Ahem. This series wants to throw a lot of villains at you right away: we already have Wen Ruohan, Xue Yang, potentially Wen Qing (we don’t know at this point), and now we have Wen Chao. They’re really pushing the Wen Clan is bad agenda. And as if being generally rude and probably mentally unstable isn’t bad enough, Wen Chao literally sets fire to one of the Gusu Lan Clan disciples, while the other disciple basically does nothing about it (why is that guy so useless? Doesn’t he have some spiritual energy to throw at that magic fire?).

Wen Chao is one of those characters that I think most people love to hate. He’s so evil, so horrible, yet charming, in a way. He is a villain and he’s proud of it, y’know? There’s no ambiguity here about his actions, which is kind of refreshing in a series filled with grey characters (and I love grey characters, don’t get me wrong).

Oh! And I just noticed while I was saving that screenshot that Wen Ning can’t even look at what’s going on. Very accurate to his character—non-confrontational, just wants to float along and do as he’s told. Really shows he’s under the thumb of the Wen Clan. I also like how Wen Qing is the one to put out the flames. You get to see that healer side of her early on.

Jiang Cheng and I had the same expression here—I really wanted to know what their gift to Lan Qiren was. If this is something in the book, well, then I’ve forgotten. Wei Wuxian and I have that trait in common: bad memory.

LWJ: Bro, can I hit him?

LXH: Nah, bro.

I missed this on my first viewing—or just forgot, most likely. Lan Wangji is so poised and collected, but also so defensive. He’s the brother who will be the first to go on the offensive if he sees something wrong happening, which I love. But I also love Lan Xichen’s chill attitude—yes, this guy is clearly a troublemaker, and he’s dissing our clan, but let’s settle this in an adult manner. According to the wiki, Lan Xichen is only a few years older than Lan Wangji, but you can see that he is a lot more mature in just those few years. Like I said in the last episode, he kind of had to be a parent to his younger brother and set an example of how you should behave. Of course, he’s also the clan leader, so he can’t really act like a spitfire.

Of course, if anyone is more defensive than Lan Wangji, it’s Wei Wuxian. Even though Lan Wangji has been a bit of a pain in the ass to him, Wei Wuxian still rushes to their defense. Even this early on, he’s started to form an attachment to the Gusu Lan Clan, whether he’s really aware of it or not. I’m wearing my wangxian goggles, but the “you offended the Jiang Clan because my brother was in the middle of his salute” kind of feels like an afterthought.

But of course it’s in Wei Wuxian’s character to be heroic like this—to rush to the defense of others, whether it’s asked for or not, and I don’t get the feeling that Lan Wangji disapproves of this. I think he takes note of this and future events, adding it to what he’s compiled of what makes Wei Wuxian tick. And by this time, I think he’s also decided to give Wei Wuxian another chance—Lan Xichen has planted the seed in his mind that he could be a good friend to Lan Wangji.

I know he’s not supposed to be gay.

I know.

But…come on. The way he’s looking at Lan Xichen right now—it’s a look certainly of deep admiration and respect. And there’s not a hint of jealously either, even though Jin Guangyao has every reason to be jealous of Lan Xichen: the respect he commands is great—he can even subdue the Wen Clan. But instead of hating Lan Xichen, Jin Guangyao instead becomes close friends with him, very much a parallel to Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian. Fascinating! These characters are so rich—so many layers, so much to talk about!

The first time I watched this, I was so annoyed with Nie Huaisang—any additional scenes that were added just drove me crazy. But now, having watched it all, I actually really appreciate these moments of comic relief, even the ones that are unique to CQL. As the series progresses, it gets darker and darker, and these lighter moments are honestly precious when you know what’s coming.

Someone explain to me why Jiang Yanli is making soup when meals are being provided to them? Yes, we know she takes care of her brothers, but why is it always her making soup? This is the first of many soup scenes, and at a certain point, it’s like beating a dead horse. I actually would have appreciated a little scene of them eating Gusu Lan Clan food and getting to see Wei Wuxian complain about it. I wouldn’t mind a disapproving look from Lan Wangji at overhearing it either.

Yeah, remember when I was saying Lan Wangji was taking note of the good things Wei Wuxian did? Well, he’s also very aware of how naughty he is. At the beginning, Wei Wuxian’s good traits are heavily outweighed by his transgressions, though, by comparison, they are minor ones. It’s ironic that later on Lan Wangji will overlook major transgressions without a second thought. Shows what a deep relationship they are able to cultivate.

I feel like, in a way, this is Wei Wuxian’s way of apologizing for offending him earlier—like, I’m being cute, Lan Zhan! Obviously it only makes Lan Wangji more annoyed, but it’s the thought that counts, right? Wei Wuxian is really testing boundaries here. He has such a fixation on Lan Wangji, one that definitely annoys Jiang Cheng (and makes him jealous to boot, in my opinion), but it works to his advantage, since Lan Wangji can’t really keep his eyes off of Wei Wuxian either. And the circumstances that follow just keep drawing them together.

After Wei Ying gets told to leave the lecture and go to the Library Pavilion, he doesn’t look at anyone except Lan Wangji. I wonder if he wants to know Lan Wangji’s reaction—is it disappointment, anger, something else? Whatever it is, he wants Lan Wangji’s attention—that’s what he seeks above anything else. You could argue that he doesn’t look at Jiang Cheng or Jiang Yanli because he knows they’re disappointed or upset with him, and I think that’s fair. And maybe he doesn’t seek their attention because he knows he has it—but he doesn’t feel like he’s gotten Lan Wangji’s attention here and that bothers him.

Other episodes: 1 | 2 | 3 |

#cql rewatch #cql #the untamed #mdzs #mo dao zu shi #wangxian #lan wangji #wei wuxian #jiang cheng #nie huaisang #jin guangyao #lan xichen #xiyao

[whereisten]

Gentle Monsters

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 Intro | Part 6 (End)

Summary: After a night of running from a wild animal, you meet Johnny, the owner of the conservatory greenhouse you accidentally broke into. Johnny is kind and sweet—a little too sweet.

Pairing: Werewolf!Johnny X female reader

Warnings: horror, violence, blood and gore, mentions of scars and bruises, angst, supernatural powers, death, profanity, smut (fingering, penetration, breast fondling, dry humping), manipulation, obsession, possessiveness, yandere themes.

Word count: 12.1K

(A/n: wow wow wowwww this is it you guys! I hope you enjoy the last installment of this fic 🥺 it’s my personal favorite fic that I’ve written so I’m kinda sad to finish it, but thank you all for your continuous support that keeps me going, it’s almost been a year!! Wow! Pls read until the very enddd❤️)

—————

Yuta was ruthless. He never gave you time to breathe once he attacked you. He’d grab your wrist and kick your chest, sending you into the rough cement in his backyard.

“Do you like being best friends with the floor. Get up and fight. If you can’t take a hit from me, a human, how on Earth do you think you’ll survive a werewolf’s attack?” Yuta looked up at the bright sun while you panted on all fours.

“Human? I’m not so sure about that. I mean..you don’t have to go easy on me..but..fuck..please..can we go slower? This is just..a lot.” You pleaded, not realizing that Yuta was walking up to you quickly.

He kicked you in your rib, making you groan in pain and collapse over onto your back. You laid there and struggled to move as Yuta planted his right foot on your chest.

On top of never being the best at physical things, you were still healing from the effects of the killer pregnancy. Your body was fragile.

“Go easy? You’re pathetic, you don’t stand a chance.”

You hugged yourself as you tried to pull his heavy foot off of you. Tears started to run down the sides of your face while you cried and grew hot with anger. It was the second day of training and Yuta expected you fight like Bruce Lee.

“We haven’t even touched the katana’s yet..do you want to die, huh? Because if I don’t kill you by the end of this, I’m sure Johnny will.”

“Fuck you!” You screamed.

Yuta lifted his foot off of your chest and stepped back. “Get up, show me how angry you are.”

You picked yourself up and looked down at your bruised knuckles. Yuta made you spend hours boxing bags of sand until your hands bled, yet you couldn’t fight him, you could never land a punch.

“Johnny was right to choose you.. he knew you were weak, he knew you didn’t stand a chance against him..” Yuta was pushing your buttons now. Would you cry? Would you become furious? He didn’t know, but he hoped it would be the latter. He hoped that you would use that anger to fuel your attacks. The fact that Johnny had put you through so much shit was the the only thing that gave Yuta hope for you.

Yuta stepped closer to you.

“You didn’t put up a fight, you ignored all the signs, and then what? You ran away..oh, and let’s not forget.. you needed the help of another werewolf to get away from him. You couldn’t do it on your own.. and why’s that, y/n? Hm?”

Yuta tilted his head. He took your chin in his hand and watched as your eyes grew watery and your face lose color.

“Answer me, sweetheart.” His voice was sweet even when he was being condescending.

You shook your head, too caught up in his words to know how to respond. So many emotions ran through your mind. You were upset, sad, heartbroken, confused. Everything all at once.

“What’s wrong? Wolf got your tongue?” He chuckled.

And at that moment, you decided you couldn’t take it anymore. You quickly swat his hand away and lay a punch to his jaw. But he recovers fast and grabs your hair, pulling your head back while you cry out in pain.

But you don’t let this pain distract you, you kneel him in the rib and punch him again while he doubles over.

Yuta is caught off guard by your swift actions and doesn’t know how to respond. So you take this opportunity to swipe a leg through his, making him fall onto the ground hard as he loses balance.

He tried to get up but you swing your foot into his side just like he did to you a few minutes ago. You realize that your foot won’t apply as much pressure as his, so you decide to put your entire body weight on himself sit on his chest.

You’re about to lay another punch to his beautiful face, but he grabs your wrist and swings his body over yours so you are under him now.

You grunt and throw your fist with your free hand into the side that you had previously kicked. Yuta groans in pain once more, but his grip on your wrist doesn’t loosen.

Instead, he grabs both flailing wrists and holds them above your head. He’s tightening his fingers around them so tight, you can almost feel and hear your bones start to break. You scream.

“Yuta!”

“Tell me what you are! Tell me why Johnny did this to you!” Yuta growled as your cried out in indescribable pain. Your hits didn’t seem to phase or impress him.

“Fuck you, Yuta! Get off of me!”

Yuta only smirked. His dark eyes widening, he takes pleasure in seeing you suffer like this, especially after you dared to hit him.

He dug his thumb into your rib, the same place he had kicked earlier. Your scream grows louder.

“Weak! I’m weak!!” Tears escape as you struggle to ignore the pains in all parts of your body.

Yuta lets you go and lifts himself off of you.

He rolls his neck as he looks down at you condescendingly.

You roll over onto your side and hug yourself while you cry.

“You’re weak, you’re soft, but worst of all, you’re wasting my time.” He says lowly as he steps into his house and closes the sliding door, locking you out to make you sleep outside in the cold once again.

You looked up when you heard the clicking of the door. Was he opening it up for you? Would he finally let you sleep inside?

“Tako!” He clicked his tongue to get his cat’s attention. You didn’t even notice that Tako had been watching you cry quietly.

He quickly ran inside and you heard the door slide and lock again.

Yuta was half-hoping that this treatment would make you give up and leave. A part of him didn’t care about this drama you were in. But another part of him wanted you to grow stronger. He could see the hurt in your eyes and he doesn’t know why he’s decided to care. He hates that he feels sympathy for someone he just met. You needed to be tougher, but he wasn’t sure how much time you had before Johnny would find you and put you to the test. Yuta couldn’t help but be worried for you.

——————

[A Month Later]

Your training with Yuta got better steadily. You were slow at first, but with practice you started to trust yourself and your body more.

Yuta helped you develop your physical as well as mental well-being. You had grown to be more spiritual, seeing yourself as a being with infinite talents.

“You have to feel every movement in your heart first, then you have to visualize it. But you must do it quickly. Werewolves get off on fear, they smell it, they anticipate it. And if Johnny is as powerful as you say, he’ll smell your fear from a mile away. He’ll know what you plan to do before you do. So you have to be unpredictable.”

Yuta sat across from you with his arms over his crossed legs. His gaze was intense as he spoke. His black hair tied out of his face and his expression stern.

The two of you had gotten to know each other over the weeks, you weren’t best friends or anything, but you felt safe around him.

He still spoke harsh words to make you angry, but you had gotten used to his method of teaching and learned not to take it personally.

Apart from having to eat alone, sleep outside on cold gravel, and adorn bruises in new spots on the daily..living with Yuta wasn’t that bad.

“Johnny has super strength and speed, but he’s not like Jaehyun, he can’t read minds.” You said quietly.

“Doesn’t matter. He’ll still get to you before you even draw the string on your crossbow or pull out your katana.”

Yuta sighed and looked at the ground before continuing.

“We can only be thankful that we do know his one weakness.”

Your brows furrowed. “What’s that?”

He looked up at you and chuckled. “You. It’s you. If he’s this intent on finding you..you were more than just the carrier of his baby..you have a piece of his heart. He clearly can’t let you go.”

You shook your head. “I doubt it, he doesn’t care about me and even if he did, how does that give me the upper hand?”

“Y/n...you really are naive..” Yuta shook his head.

“Johnny has a lust for power..but he also has a lust for you.”

Yuta stands up and draws out his sword.

“Stand up.”

You stand up quickly and grab your katana. The two of you had done this before. You’d fight for what felt like hours with your katana, and you always ended up with cuts on your neck and arms.

But you thought about what Yuta said today. You really thought about your movement. You visualized your attack before actually making it.

You went back and forth, clinking the swords together, making sure to block each other’s attacks so you wouldn’t be sliced open like fresh pieces of meat. It was difficult and scary, you could die at any moment. But what did you have to lose?

Yuta was shocked by your determination. At the end of the day, you always ended up with multiple cuts along your perfect skin, yet you kept going.

He could see the passion in your eyes, you were growing and becoming a fighter, you were no longer filled with immense sadness. You were filled with a beautiful fire that he wanted to nurture and grow even more.

Your robe had come loose slightly as you spun around with the katana after blocking his attack. The move revealed the soft skin of your chest and cleavage, causing him to become distracted for a split second.

You were able to swipe the blade across his abdomen. He cried out and fell to the ground on his knees.

“Shit! Yuta!” You dropped your katana and kneeled down in front of him.

Yuta only chuckled. “It’s okay, that was good.”

“I’m so sorry!” You apologized and took his hand away from his center so you could see how bad the cut was.

“Don’t worry, it’s not that deep, but it sure as hell hurts.” Yuta looked up at you and adored your face. Your eyes wide with worry, your lips parted, your delicate face decorated by sweat and straggly hairs that escaped your ponytail.

Your eyes drifted upwards to his and you caught his stare. You didn’t notice that you had been holding his hand even as you examined the wound.

You also didn’t notice that your robe was lose until he glanced down.

“Oh.” You became frazzled and quickly tied your robe.

Yuta smirked at how nervous you got and stood up. “That’s it for today. We’ll start with the crossbow tomorrow.” He groaned and headed back inside his house.

“Yuta..” you looked to the ground as you called his name, still embarrassed by your exposed skin.

He turned and winced at the pain.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” You were still worried.

Yuta smiled for the first time, and it was amazing. It was like the sun had personally come down to greet you. It was beautiful and brought about a ridiculously handsome look to the already gorgeous man.

You wished he would smile more. Would it take him getting hurt more for you to see this daily?

“I’m fine, I’ve stitched myself up more times that I can remember.” He started to close the door, but stopped.

“Actually, you said you were a bartender, right?”

You ran into Yuta’s kitchen and gathered all the ingredients you needed.

Yuta was getting his first aid kit together while you whipped up a delicious alcoholic beverage.

“Make it strong, I don’t want to feel this shit.” He yelled out from the bathroom.

You smiled to yourself as you watched the vodka fill his glass and disperse the cocktail or lemon juice, sparkling water and berries you collected from his garden. It has been a while since you did what you do best, so you were happy to mix a drink for him.

Y/n..

A voice suddenly entered your ear. It was a soft whisper, but you swore the person was right behind you. You turned around quickly, but saw nothing.

Yuta was still in the bathroom, you could hear the water running.

Y/n...

The voice said again and your heart started to race when you recognized the voice.

“Johnny?” You called out, your grip around the glass grew weak, your eyes became watery, your breathing became shallow. A chill in the air made you shiver.

Time stood still for a moment and you didn’t know what to do. Johnny was nowhere to be found. Were you just imagining things?

“What’s wrong?” Yuta said once he walked into the kitchen and saw the look on your face.

You looked back at him and shook your head. “It’s nothing.. here.” You gave a small smile and handed him the glass from your trembling hands.

He took the glass but stepped close to you, locking you in between him and the counter.

“Don’t lie to me, what happened?” He knew something was wrong when you started crying suddenly.

You shivered. “I-I don’t know, Yuta..I thought I heard him..but I..”

Yuta’s eyes grew and he looked to the floor. “He’s trying to find you..”

“How does he still do this to me, Yuta? I feel like..I can’t breathe..my heart, it wants me to go to him.”

“Don’t...” Yuta turned away from you and headed to the dining room.

He groaned as he sat down slowly.

“You have to remember what he put you through, always remember your pain first and foremost. It’s difficult to remember the pain our loved ones brought us, but we have to in order to be stronger.” Yuta gulped the strong drink down.

You nodded and wiped your eyes. “How’s your wound?”

Yuta closed his eyes tightly as the bitter taste of the alcohol settled in.

He lifted up his shirt to show you a wound almost completely healed.

Your eyes grew. “W-Wait, how-“

“We have witches and herbs here too, you know.” He winked.

You nodded and turned to leave.

But before you did, you turned to him to ask one last question.

“What happened to you, Yuta? How did you become this..a hunter? And why did you stop?”

“What is this? Twenty questions?” Yuta rolled his eyes.

“The truth always comes out when you’re drunk.” You have him a playful wink and smile.

You just wanted a distraction, something to lighten the mood and make you forget about the monster that was so close to finding you. The monster that still made you tremble.

And Yuta knew this. He knew you were shaken up by it, so he caved. He had a painful past too, but he didn’t mind sharing it with you for some reason.

“I was in love once..I was happy..” Yuta looked on the centerpiece that sat on the dining table. It was a small sculpture of a beautiful ballerina.

You sat down across from him and waited for him to continue. He swallowed hard.

“But my younger brother..he grew jealous of me, he had a young love that passed away suddenly of an incurable illness. And when he passed, my brother grew heartless, he hated happiness. He hated anyone that lived happily, because he couldn’t. His lover never got the chance to be happy.. death had snatched him away, but why? Why couldn’t death take someone else? Why him?”

You felt sadness wash over you as you thought of the pain Yuta’s brother endured.

“A year passed and he barely spoke to me, he lived alone and stayed away from us, his family. But once I got married to Hina..my dear Hina..” Yuta’s frowned turned into a small smile as he started to think of the wonderful memories he shared with Hina.

He cleared his throat. “Once I got married..I started to see my brother more often..and I thought he was getting over his lover’s death, I thought he was moving on and finally deciding to spend more time with me...but I was wrong.” Yuta looked up at you and gritted his teeth.

“He betrayed me..he gained my trust, he gained Hina’s trust and one day, he said they were going to the market to pick up vegetables for the family dinner we had planned that evening. At the time, we lived in the city, so I had to clean up our apartment and get things ready while they headed out to the countryside.”

He looked down and blinked slowly. “My brother..took Hina to the werewolves...he was one himself, but at the time I had no idea they even existed. They turned her into one..they manipulated and tricked her so she turned on me. She was no longer my bright Hina that loved cherry pie and Pikachu. She became...a monster, something I couldn’t recognize.” 

“I tried to hold onto her when my brother brought her to me to boast about what he’d done. He laughed as I cried and felt pain, telling me that the alpha had rewarded him greatly for bringing a woman that he could turn and impregnate. The alpha was growing an army of werewolves in the woods and needed more women. I tried to make her stay, tried to tell her that I’d love her regardless of what she was..but..” Yuta choked up. He had never shown this much emotion to you before.

“You don’t have to continue, Yuta..I’m sorry.”

But he swallowed hard and continued, wiping away his tears and staring at the table. “She called me a fool and left me, she said she never loved me and that she belonged to her alpha. I didn’t fight hard enough.. I didn’t try. They would taunt me some nights. I would have dreams of being with her. Dreams of walking under cherry blossom trees, holding hands as we feed birds and swimming in crystal blues lakes. Sweet dreams that I wanted to live in forever, then they’d turn into nightmares. I’d wake up after feeling like I’ve been scratched or bitten.” 

“Then one day she appeared in my apartment with her alpha. She was happy and pregnant, her alpha was always holding her close, kissing her cheek in front of me. And I couldn’t do anything, I was powerless. My brother got what he wanted. He wanted someone else to feel the pain of losing someone they loved, someone they’d cross the Earth for.”

“I still loved her.. I only wanted the best for her..but they started to hunt and kill people in our town as their pack grew. I knew I had to stop them. I trained. I told myself I was doing it so I could stop them, but really..I thought becoming a hunter would give me the chance to get her back..”

Your eyes widened. You wondered what happened next.

“I..killed them..all of them..I saved her for last because she was merciless. She was incredibly strong, and fought me like she didn’t know who I was. At the last moment, she grabbed a child from a nearby village as I chased her through the woods. She was going to eat her so I had to shoot an arrow into her chest.. I tried to save her..but I couldn’t. Ever since then, I’ve tried to save innocent people from those terrible beasts. I’ve made a name for myself as a werewolf hunter and fought the worst of the worst. Jaehyun hates me so much, he got me put on the no-fly list so I can’t leave this place. But I don’t care...I don’t regret anything. The only thing I regret is ever having the nerve to trust someone.”

He paused.

His eyes started to tear up again as he looked on the smiling ballerina.

“She was a dancer..the best..”

“Yuta..” you reached out to hold his hand but he pulled away and stood up.

“Now you know why I’m like this..it’s time for you to leave.”

Your mouth fell open, you didn’t know what to say, but Yuta didn’t want to hear it anyway.

He knew you pitied him, and a part of him was embarrassed to get this personal with someone that he had no future with.

You nodded and got up.

“I’m sorry.” You say and you’re about to open the sliding door but he stops you.

“Y/n..where are you going? It’s raining.” Yuta runs a hand through his hair once he realizes that his tone was unnecessarily harsh towards you.

You shrugged your shoulders. “It wouldn’t be the first time that I’ve slept in the rain, Yuta.”

Yuta walks up to you and places a hand on the door to keep you from opening it.

You look up into his eyes and furrow your brows.

He licks his lips and breathed heavily. “Sleep here..in my bed..”

Your eyes widen.

“I mean, not with me in it..” Yuta rolls his eyes. “If you get sick, it’ll only slow down your training and I can’t have that, so sleep in here after you shower.”

Yuta walks away as your mouth falls open.

You never would’ve thought he’d let you sleep in the house let alone his bed.

Maybe he was a nice man.

“W-where will you sleep?” You ask.

“Lucky for you, I’ve got a sweet hammock with my name on it.”

Yuta plops down into the hammock in his living room. You never noticed it, but it did look comfortable.

“Pspspsps..” he calls over Tako who happily jumps into his lap as the hammock swings back and forth gently.

Tako curls into his lap while Yuta’s head falls back. He closes his eyes and rests his hands on the back of his head.

You laugh to yourself quietly and turn the lights off before heading to the bathroom.

—————

You wake upon a plush bed for the first time in months . It feels heavenly so as the daylight pours in through the blinds, you smile to yourself and hug the blanket over you.

But then, everything clicks, you jump up in the bed and realize that it’s not yours. You stand up and quickly fix the pillows and smooth the sheets.

You leave the room and walk around the house quietly, trying not to wake Yuta up.

Yuta, however, is nowhere to be found, you look over to the hammock and see that he’s not in it anymore, nor is he in the kitchen.

Tako is still eating his breakfast from his bowl in the kitchen.

“Your father just fed you, so where is he?”

You open the sliding door to the backyard and hear water splashing. When you walk around the bushes and go deeper into it, you see Yuta is taking a bath in a large stone that was placed in the ground and shaped like a tub. You always bathed in it, but never thought he used it since he always used the shower in his bathroom.

It was hidden in the center of shrubs and flowers, but you peeked through a small opening and looked on him.

This is wrong, isn’t it? Hmmm a peak won’t hurt.

You look onto Yuta radiant skin, created and graced by the gods themselves. His waist slender but his arms were quite brawny.

His skin was littered in scars. He had been through so much in his life as a hunter, and his scars showed that it wasn’t easy. It took a toll on him physically and mentally as well. You understood why he no longer hunted.

Yuta turns to rinse his chest and stomach now and you bite your lips at the site of the water running down him. His abs and pecs are strong and sculpted, his wet hair is slicked back, revealing his dark, long lashes and high cheekbones. He so perfect it almost seems like he’s moving in slow motion. It’s like he’s shooting a commercial for some expensive cologne.

Just when your mind starts to run wild with lustful thoughts, you feel a light scratch on your ankle.

You yelp and look down at the source.

It’s Tako, gazing up at you with those big green eyes. He’s clearly not amused by you watching his father bathe.

But your sound of shock gives your location away. You look back up at Yuta and see that he is still rinsing himself off. Maybe he didn’t hear you.

You hurriedly tip toe away and back into the house.

Yuta smirks to himself and thinks about how cute you are, peeping through bushes to watch him bathe.

———————

[A Week Later]

You continue to improve and become familiar with the crossbow. Yuta tells you all about it and how the arrows must be covered in silver to make any sort of impact.

Your aim becomes better, but you have to be faster.

“If a werewolf is coming at you full speed, you can’t hesitate.” Yuta looks into your eyes. He stands to your side and places his hand over yours on the arrow.

He has to step closer to you so that you can draw the arrow back together. You feel his hot breath on you, you smell his fresh scent and feel the warmth of his body on yours. His hands are rough, but he touches you ever so lightly.

Sweat formulates on your forehead as you breathe heavily.

“And just like that..” his voice comes out in a low whisper.

“Release.”

When you both let the arrow go, it shoots straight through the center of the  mannequin’s chest.

Yuta still stands close to you. You turn to look up at him as he stares into your eyes.

“What’s wrong?” You ask him.

“That was weak, what were you thinking about?” Yuta is intimidating. It’s like he always knows when you’re not focused.

“Nothing, Yuta. I just..” you stumbled over your words.

“Just what? Thinking about last week when you watched me bathe?”

You blink fast. “I..wasn’t watching you..what are you talking about?”

“I’m a werewolf hunter, you can’t hide from me, y/n.” Yuta smirked.

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You walk towards the mannequin to remove the arrow.

Yuta stepped back and chuckled. “Suuuure.”

You rolled your eyes, but silently curse yourself.

There’s a growing tension between you and Yuta and you can’t explain it, but the more familiar the two of you got with each other, the more you wanted from him. Yeah, maybe the two of you were emotionally unstable, but that didn’t stop you from wanting a physical connection with someone. Yuta would touch you more, he’d let you sleep in his bed while he slept on the hammock, and now, he started to cook for you.

He was doing the bare minimum, but it meant so much to you and you couldn’t help but look on him fondly.

Later that evening, you’re taking your usual evening bath. You lay back and enjoy the warm water that soothes your aching body, your arms laid out along the sides. The soft breeze and gentle, dimming sunset makes you feel euphoric. You close your eyes and try to clear your head, unaware of the peeping eyes that now watched you.

Yuta watched the way your head fell back and you neck elongated. Your hair shiny and long lashes darkened by the water.

You looked incredibly beautiful in the sunset, he had to watch you. He had been watching you since you washed your back and revealed the large scars on it. He wondered how you had gotten them since Johnny never seemed to have hurt you.

You hear the bushes shuffle a little bit as Yuta makes noise on purpose to scare you.

Your eyes flicker open and you look to the side that you heard the noise from.

“Hello?” You call out and sit up straight in the large tub.

Yuta steps out from the bushes, he looks into your eyes and doesn’t hide his stare even when you cover your chest with your arms. It looks like he’s just left the shower as he stands in front of you in only a silk robe and his long, wet hair.

“Yuta...” you call out his name in a sweet, but low tone. He steps closer and you relax, removing your arms from your chest and sinking back down.

“What happened to your back?” Yuta’s gaze is hungry and you want him to come closer.

“Tell me about your battle wounds..and I’ll tell you about mine..” you tilt your head to tell him to come inside the tub with you.

Yuta drapes his robe off and steps into the tub. He steps closer to you, your back hitting the edge as you can’t back away any more.

“It’s not so nice being watched, is it?” Yuta smirks.

“Well..I don’t mind it, as long as it’s you.” You whisper but you look at his lips as you speak, ready to feel them on yours.

Yuta leans forward and kisses you, his tongue instantly darting across the plump surface for entrance. You hold onto his back and press his  body closer to yours. You kissed with a sense of urgency, like you had both been longing for this moment for some time.

Your heart beat fast as he bit your bottom lip lightly then kisses your jawline. His steamy breath decorates it while his hand runs through your hair.

The warm water feels amazing on your two bodies joined together like intertwined fingers.

Yuta cups your breast, massaging the nipple in between his thumb and index finger while he watched your mouth fall open.

He kisses your mouth once again, kissing it sloppily and with haste as your whines push him along.

Yuta continues to mark the delicate skin of your neck while massaging your scalp.

You take his face into your hands and look into his eyes deeply. You bite your lips.

“Touch me.”

Yuta kisses you again, never letting go this time while you wrap your arms around his neck and let your body float upwards in the water.

Your legs wrap around his waist. You feel Yuta run his hands up and down your thighs before running his fingers along your slit.

You shiver at the light touch on your sensitive skin, but whimper quietly.

He pushes his fingers into you, letting go of your lips once more so he can watch you shudder at the feeling of his fingers inside you.

You reach down and stroke his member as he continued to push his long fingers into you, his thumb drawing circles on your bud while you cry out his name.

He groans as he feels your soft hand pumping him and rubbing along his tip.

He can’t seem to focus now as the feeling begins to take over, he stares at your naked body, your breasts rising up and down in the water as you ride his fingers, the way your mouth stays open as he stretches you out.

You let go of his member and place your legs down. You turn around and push your butt out as you hold onto the edge of the tub.

“Fuck me, Yuta.”

Yuta gently places your hair to the right side of your neck so he can see your beautiful face as he takes you from behind. He places small kisses on the exposed side before holding your waist and pulling you back towards him. Pushing into you slowly while you gasp.

He takes both wrists in his hand and places them above your head before pushing in and out of you, taking his time so he can feel your walls tighten around his veiny member.

His thrusts are slow but hard, hitting your sweet spot once he finally pushes in all the way.He groans when you clench around him, throwing his head back to keep his hair from falling in his face.

The water splashes onto the ground as he moves faster. Your whimpers grow louder and your satiny walls start to clench around him without control, driving him crazy. He kisses your lips while he makes sultry, hot love to you during the sunset. His chest covers your back and you feel safe. The love Yuta makes to you feels sincere, he kisses you like he can’t let go, like he needs your love to breathe.

And when he isn’t kissing you, his touch is gentle. He gazed at you like you’re a precious gift.

His hips snap into you and you cry out his name. He grunts and starts to rub your clit again with his other hand.

You can feel the bruise start to form on your neck as Yuta sucks on it harder.

Yuta kisses your lips then looks into your eyes as he rubs and pushes in faster. “Cum for me, baby.” he leans into your ear and whispers lowly.

You quiver around him as you climax, a loud moan leaving your mouth as you become dizzy and your eyes close tightly.

Yuta climaxes after, still kissing your lips as he comes. His movement slows and you both breathe heavily once your done kissing.

He pulls out and steps away to the opposite side of the tub while you turn around.

Yuta brushes his hair back with his fingers, his face looking stressed as he looks into the water.

“What’s wrong?” You ask him.

“Nothing.” Yuta says sternly, his tone and mood is the complete opposite of what it was just minutes ago.

Did he regret doing this? Was he thinking about Hina?

“Yuta-“ you start but he gets up and walks out of the tub. He swiftly throws his robe on and heads back to the house.

When you dry yourself and head in, you see that he’s already fallen asleep on his hammock.

—————

[Later That Night]

You’re sleeping when you hear an airy voice call your name. You shift on your side and ignore it, thinking it was something from your dream.

But then, you hear it calling you again. You open your eyes lazily and look around for Yuta.

You squint and see that no one is there in the darkness. So you lean over to the bedside lamp and turn it on.

When you look back at the end of the bed, you’re startled to see Jaehyun..

“Jaehyun?” You whisper his name then jump on the bed and crawl towards him.

“What happened?”

Your eyes widen when you see that Jaehyun’s chest has been ripped open. The bones of his ribcage stick out into the air. He is covered in blood and his face is covered in scars. His chest is hollow and when you look closer, you see that it’s empty, no heart rests in the cavity.

Your eyes start to tear up. “J-Jaehyun..”

Jaehyun looked away from your eyes. He exhales then sits on the foot of your bed. You rush to sit beside him and look at him questioningly.

“He won, y/n. I tried..but..I wasn’t strong enough.” His voice was somber, his eyes low as he stared at the floor. This was unlike him, he was quiet, sad, defeated.

You reach out to hold his hand, but your hand falls onto the bed and that’s when you realize what else is different with Jaehyun. He doesn’t have a glow about him because you’re dreaming, no, he glows because he’s a ghost.

Jaehyun looks at you while your mouth falls open.

“He..he did this to you?”

“Yes..and he’ll do the same to you. You have to stay away from him. When you ran away, father died shortly after. Johnny lost it. He started killing anyone that would challenge or disagree with him..”

Jaehyun looks to the floor again.

“I couldn’t stop him..I don’t think anyone can. Don’t go back, y/n, you can’t go back.”

You swallowed hard. “I have to stop him. I have to-“

“You don’t understand! He’s powerful, by killing me he’s attained my abilities. He’s still trying to harness them, but in no time he’ll be unstoppable once he controls them. He told me that he will find you and kill you since he can’t have you, y/n. He’s furious that you ran away.”

Jaehyun’s voice got louder. He furrowed his brows and looked at you with anger.

You drew in a sharp breath. “So it was him..”

You thought about the afternoon when you were in the kitchen and heard his voice. Johnny was using telepathy he attained from Jaehyun and was trying to find you.

“He spoke to me the other day, Jaehyun. What if he already knows where I am.”

“He is still in the learning phase. It takes much energy to find someone that is thousands of miles away. He won’t be able to find you for now, for sight and touch are the most difficult senses to develop when trying to contact people telepathically.” Jaehyun’s face relaxes.

“I’m going to kill him, Jaehyun..” tears run down your cheeks as you look at the final state of Jaehyun before his death. You could tell he put up a fight.

Jaehyun closes his eyes and sighs. “I had a feeling you’d say that...it seems I can’t stop you either.”

“I can’t run away forever, he’ll think I’m afraid and he doesn’t deserve that satisfaction.” You shake your head.

“If you do decide to fight him, you have to do it soon. He’ll kill more people to get stronger. He’ll destroy towns until he gets to you. He has broken the laws of nature because he knows no one can stop him. There is an imbalance that can only be corrected if he is stopped.”

Jaehyun looks around and down at his hands as he starts to fade.

Your eyes widen. “W-what’s happening? Don’t leave me, please.” You beg but Jaehyun only smiles.

“I don’t have much time, I transferred all of my funds to the credit card I gave you. I had a feeling that everything would go to shit fast, so I forged a marriage license between us. Everything from my life insurance policy will go to that card, because I listed you as the beneficiary. I told my some guys I know not to look for you, but to make sure everything runs smoothly in case I’m gone..”

“W-Wait, Wait..we’re married? How-“

Your brows furrow.

“I have connections, baby.” He gives a wink, but his tone turns more serious when he glances down to your lips.

“We could’ve been great, you and me...” Jaehyun says softly. “I’m sorry I was greedy, I’m sorry I couldn’t stop him in time. This is the least I can do to help you.”

“Jaehyun..” you tried to touch him again, but felt nothing but cool air at your finger tips.

“Live as I would live, y/n. Take care of yourself. I hope you can forgive me.” Jaehyun leans forward and kisses your forehead. You barely feel it as he starts to disappear completely.

You burst into tears. “No..no, don’t leave.”

But Jaehyun is no longer there. It’s just you now on the bed, you hold your face in your hands and sob quietly.

—————

[A Week Later]

Doyoung is gathering medicine from trees in the woods behind his house, he places them into his basket and heads back to his house.

Once he enters it, he notices that something isn’t right. The air is different, the smell is putrid. Something smells of death.

When he looks down, he sees that the trail of wolf’s bane he placed on the floor has been disturbed, it’s no longer straight and has been broken in the middle.

Doyoung’s eyes grow, he looks around and listens closely.

“You dare to enter the house of a witch without permission?”

Doyoung sees Johnny with his all-Seeing eye, he’s looking around his bedroom while Doyoung stands still at the doorway waiting for him to appear.

Johnny turns the corner and walks slowly towards Doyoung.

“It’s been a while since we’ve seen each other, Doyoung.” Johnny’s voice comes out gravelly.

Doyoung looks sternly at Johnny, he already knows why he is there. He knows that Johnny has gone on a killing spree since you ran away. He’s dangerous and from the look on his grim face, his red eyes and messy hair, he can tell that he hasn’t slept for days. Doyoung can also smell the blood on his hands, he can hear the screams of both innocent people and other werewolves, he can see the fear in their eyes as Johnny took their lives away.

It’s too much for Doyoung, it makes him sick. He knows Johnny has broken the laws of nature and deserves to die for it, but he didn’t want to challenge him alone. He would need multiple witches to take him down with him and they were nowhere to be found.

“You must leave.” Doyoung turns to his kitchen and starts to take his herbs from his basket.

Meanwhile, Johnny tried to read Doyoung’s mind, he tries to access his thoughts and previous conversations in an effort to find out where you are.

But Doyoung has protected his mind with a spell, no one can read it.

Johnny curses to himself and feels the fury in his chest start to build. The desire to kill grows strong. He’s so angry he can’t control it, every time he thinks he gets closer to finding you, he gets blocked and ends up with nothing. But not this time, he would see to it that he’d get information.

He looks around Doyoung’s place, sniffing so that he can pick up your scent. If you did get rid of his baby, Doyoung was the closest witch to town. Jaehyun would’ve surely taken you here.

“Where is she, Doyoung?” Johnny walks around calmly, and right then, he picks up a subtle scent of your hair from the corner of the center room.

He walks over to it. And closes his eyes, tapping into his telepathic ability to hear and see what exactly happened in that corner.

But he has no luck. He only smells you, so he knows for sure that you were there.

“I don’t know who ‘she’ is, I’ve been alone for quite some time now.” Doyoung responds, still tending to his herbs.

“You’re lying to me and I don’t like being lied to..” Johnny chuckles. “I can smell her.”

Doyoung sighs. “You’re a fool, even if I did know where she is, I have no obligation to answer to you. You’re pathetic and a coward, killing everyone to find her. She ran away from you for a reason, Johnny. Just let her go.”

Johnny’s expression grows serious. “Tell me where she is, and you won’t get hurt like the others.”

Doyoung scoffs and turns to him. He places his herbs down then walks over to Johnny.

He swings his hand and the front door to his house flies open.

“Are you threatening me? Do I need to remind you of what will happen if you kill a witch? There’s the door, get out.”

And Doyoung was right. Johnny was breaking many rules, but the one rule he couldn’t break was to kill a witch. Centuries ago, supernatural creatures made an agreement that they would all be bound to. And in that agreement, a law states that a werewolf’s supernatural abilities would only remain in tact if they agreed to never kill a witch. Furthermore, they would be instantly beheaded by the High Priestess, the oldest witch on Earth.

Johnny knew he couldn’t break this rule, but he also knew that he wanted to send a message to all supernatural creatures.

“Who said anything about killing you?” Johnny gives a devilish smile, his eyes grow into a stronger, deeper shade of red. Doyoung’s brows furrowed and he backs away.

Johnny uses his elongating claws and grabs Doyoung’s neck. He raises him until Doyoung’s feet dangle two feet above the floor.

Doyoung tightens his hand around Johnny’s wrist as he struggles to breathe.

With his other hand, Doyoung motions for a wooden chair to fly into Johnny’s back, but Johnny uses telekinesis to stop it from colliding into him, causing it to shatter into one hundred pieces.

His hand tightens around Doyoung’s throat as his face turns red.

The Johnny you knew wouldn’t have done this, but that Johnny was gone. He was now a tiny voice in the back of the head of a monster.

“Since you won’t tell me, I’ll make sure you never speak to anyone else again.” Johnny smirks, his eyes grow and he uses his other hand to force Doyoung’s mouth open.

Doyoung screams when Johnny pierces the center of his tongue with his big, sharp nail.

He then uses it as a hook and tugs it, ripping Doyoung’s tongue out of his wide open mouth.

Blood gushes out from Doyoung’s mouth, he starts to choke on it. He’s in so much pain, he doesn’t know what to do. If he should attack Johnny or think of a spell to reattach it.

His tongue flies onto the floor as Johnny drops his body. Doyoung cries, holding his bleeding mouth with one hand. He reaches out to his tongue with the other hand and attempts to pull it towards him, but Johnny picks it up and tosses it into his mouth, his fangs tearing through the tough and thick organ before swallowing it.

Johnny laughs loudly and licks his lips.

Doyoung tries to cry out “No,” but he can’t, he can no longer make any sound.

In a fit of rage, Doyoung motions to a glass of hogweed sitting on his counter.

He tries to throw it at Johnny, in an effort to blind him, but Johnny quickly reverses Doyoung’s telekinetic action, forcing it back to Doyoung. The glass shatters and the powdered hogweed enters Doyoung’s eyes.

Doyoung now rubs his eyes as the sharp, stabbing pain rubs throughout his entire body.

He flops on the floor, unable to think of what to do to ease the pain. Johnny looks down on him and tilts his head.

“You can’t see, cant talk..what good are you now as a witch?” Johnny chuckles and steps over him before heading out the door.

—————

[The Next Day]

Johnny uses his acquired senses from killing Jaehyun to reach out to you in your dreams.

He thinks that he is able to finally harness the ability. He wants to see your surroundings, but even more, he wants to see you, touch you, feel you again.

He sits up in the center or his dark room and crosses his legs. He is surrounded by the old silk robe you left, a hair tie you used to use, and your silver ring that he had to pick up with tongs. Having your things around him would allow him to bring about your image in his mind.

His eyes close, his eyes roll in the back of his head and he breathes slowly, he drifts into his dark mind, gradually forgetting about everything else and only focusing on his memory of you. 

After a few minutes, he finds you.

He sees that you’re sleeping in a bed, but he can’t figure out exactly where you are.

Your room is pretty plain, you cover yourself tightly with white sheets.

He looks down on you as you sleep quietly. He makes note that it’s nighttime where you are but daytime where he is, you’re no longer in the same country as him.

He looks out of the window in your room, and sees a few bushes but nothing that stands out.

So he turns back to you, adoring the way you’re curled up and you’re lips are pouted. He hasn’t seen you in so long, his human heart jumps in happiness for the first time in weeks.

He felt a tinge of hope when he had called out to you a few weeks ago and you said his name. He knew he was getting close. But now, he needed to know if he could finally touch you.

He gently rubs his finger across your face, his breath hitching in his throat and eyes widening when he feels the soft, cool skin of your cheek.

He starts to smile and sits down on the edge of the bed, waiting for you to wake up.

“Oh, my love, where are you?”

He says lowly.

Your eyes open slowly, you rub them with your small fists and squint.

“Hello? Who’s there?” You ask, but as your eyes focus, you see a pair of glowing red eyes and jump up in your bed.

You turn on the light and start to pant.

“J-Johnny? How did you-“

You’re shocked to see Johnny, he’s stronger and still handsome but his eyes are darker, they’re no longer doe eyes of kindness, they’re eyes of horror. He’s nothing like how he was when you were together.

He smiles as he looks at you and takes in your features.

You look around nervously when you realize that he might know where you are, but then you remember that he doesn’t know you’re with Yuta because Yuta sleeps on the hammock in the next room. If he’s contacting you telepathically, then he can only see your room.

You sit up straight and calm yourself.

“I know why you’re here, Johnny, I know your plan, I know that you lied to me!”

“I’m sorry..y/n..” he reaches out and places his large hand on yours.

“You were gonna kill me! You got me pregnant just so you could be the alpha! You told me..you loved me.” You couldn’t help but cry as you watched the monster in front of you, what did he do with man you once loved?

Johnny wipes away your tears, his face full of regret and sadness once he sees you cry.

His human side had taken over now, it always did when he thought about you, you made him weak, you calmed him down, made him remember he had a heart. It made him...human.

“Shhh don’t cry..I was going to save you, y/n.” The werewolf within him chuckles as he hears himself lie.

You know you couldn’t save her.

“Come back to me please..I miss you.” Johnny swallows hard and scoots closer to you.

You know that Johnny is trying to lure you in, but with each touch you remember all the moments you had together. The summer days you spent laughing and talking, the winter nights you spent cuddled up and watching horror movies. The days at the conservatory when you would walk around and listen to him talk about the beautiful shrubs and flowers in it. You would watch him speak with such passion because he clearly loved his job.

You remembered waking up to him cooking breakfast for you, the wonderful omelettes he made. You heard the sounds of the fair you guys went to and his glorious laugh, you saw his smile and felt his lips on yours, it all felt so real, like you were experiencing everything all over again. Johnny was manipulating your emotions, making you see these memories so it could break you.

And it seemed to work.

Johnny holds your face in his hand, he looks into your large eyes and leans down to kiss you. You kiss him back, closing your eyes and allowing yourself to fall weak into his arms like putty. It feels like the first time you kissed, slow and magical, his tongue playfully dancing with yours.

Everything feels so real, his soft lips on yours, his gentle touch.

He lays down beside you while your lips are still attached to his.

You caress his arms as he leans over you and fixes himself between your legs.

He draws the strap of your nightgown down and kisses along your collar bone.

You moan when you feel his broad chest on yours. His fingers prance along the skin of your inner thigh, moving dangerously close to the apex.

He lowers his lips to your chest, bringing the trim of the gown down to reveal your perky nipples. He licks around them while you whimper. You can feel your legs start to waver, you can feel his growing member push against the fabric of your panties.

You push your body upwards and grind against him to increase the friction. Your head falls back and Johnny moans as he continues to rub his covered member along your growing heat.

He sucks hard on your collar bone to decorate it with a bruise. His mind becomes giddy, he smells your beautiful womanhood, he can’t taste your sweet skin, your lovely mewls enter his ears and he silently goes crazy. He finally gets to feel you again. He finally has you under him and in his hands.

You lock eyes for a moment when he pulls away and looks down at you. You cherish his beautiful face, his hair wavy and dangling in front of his forehead. His eyes were softer now, you no longer saw red and he smelled like flowers, the ones he always brought home from his conservatory for you.

He licks his swollen lips then goes back to kissing you. Your kisses become hastier, he pushes into you harder, making sure to feel your covered slit.

“More..more please..” you’re tired of his teasing.

“I can give you more...just tell me where you are..and I’ll be right there..” Johnny sucks your nipple again and listens to you moan.

And you’re so needy and hot that you almost fall for it, you throw your head back once you feel his fingers push into your panties, and trace up and down your needy bud.

“I-“ you start but stop when you hear Jaehyun’s voice echo in the back of your mind.

Or was it more than that?

You quickly glance over to the side while Johnny still kisses your neck and see the ghost of Jaehyun actually in your room again.

You see his bloody chest and it all comes back to you.

“He’s lying. He wants to kill you, y/n. Don’t forget why you’re here.” Jaehyun looks on you sternly.

Your eyes become teary, but Johnny places his lips onto yours again. Your eyes flutter shut and when you open them once again, Jaehyun is gone.

You stop kissing Johnny and holds his face away from yours. He furrows his brows and looks at your lips while breathing heavily.

“I don’t..love you anymore, Johnny.”

Johnny blinks slowly and lifts himself off of you. His eyes become watery as your words echo in his head. He lost you.

You fix your gown and look up at him before swallowing hard.

“I’d like you to leave.”

Johnny’s eyes once filled with regret and yearning are now full of fire. They return to the glowing red color you had seen before.

“You can’t run away from me forever.” He says huskily and holds up his claw with scary, elongated nails. He’s about to gash into your chest, but you stop him.

“I know..I’ll be seeing you soon, Johnny.” You say before grabbing a small knife under your pillow and slicing Johnny’s throat, his apparition disappearing right before your eyes.

Johnny is abruptly transported back to his dull room, he holds his throat and takes in a sharp breath, shocked by how real the attack felt.

You lay back down in your bed and gaze at the ceiling. Johnny almost had you, he almost made you his again. You were weak and you shouldn’t have been.

You had to remember who he really was, what he had done to you.Your mind runs wild with thoughts, you know you can’t go back to sleep, so you decide to practice shooting with your crossbow until the sun rises and another day begins.

—————

[A Month Later]

“Do you think you’re ready?” Yuta asks while wrapping your arms with tape.

“Do you think I am?” You wait for him to look up at you. Ever since you made love, Yuta was hesitant to look into your eyes. He felt something he couldn’t explain.

He does look up at you as he tightens the tape. “I’m worried for you.”

He finally lets out and it’s true, he doesn’t want to get closer to you because he’s not sure if you’ll make it out alive. And he can’t help you because he is forbidden from being involved in supernatural affairs. Not to mention the fact that he’s also on the no-fly list.

He can’t lose another person he cares for.

You purse your lips and look away. “Don’t be. I’m ready.”

You want to get it over with so you can finally be free of Johnny. You want to live your life. What he did to you was unforgivable and he had to pay for it.

You’ve been training for a while and can finally keep up with Yuta’s attacks.

Yuta walks away from you and holds his head low.

“Yuta..will you come with me? We can find someone that can make you a passport, change your identity..”

Yuta shakes his head. “No, I haven’t been involved in werewolf issues for some time, I don’t plan on getting involved now..not even for you.” His tone was cold.

You huff and walk towards the sack of sand you used to practice kick boxing with.

“This so your battle. I will only complicate things” Yuta continues but you stop him.

“That’s not true, Yuta. You’re just scared to lose me. You’re scared that you’ll be the one to blame if I don’t survive.”

Yuta turns to you, his mouth falling open but no words come out, he doesn’t respond.

“I’m not Hina and I’m not your brother, I’ll kill this bastard with or without you.” You can feel the anger in your tone.

“Y/n..I’m sorry.” Yuta says quietly but you’ve already left to gather your things.

Yuta is unsure of how he feels about you, you have a place in his heart and as you spent more time together, that’s peace grew bigger. He’d watch you and fall in love with everything you did, from the way you played with Tako to the way you mixed drinks, the way you washed your hair to your determination. For the first time in a long time, he didn’t think of Hina. 

He only thought of you. And the truth was that that one evening he spent making love to you stayed in his mind. He couldn’t stop thinking about you. So he decided to distance himself, in fear of the inevitable pain he would experience when you were gone like everyone else.

He knew he was a coward for not saying goodbye to you.

————

[The Next Day]

You’ve arrived back in your hometown alone. You’re nervous and scared, but you know that you must face Johnny, even if you’re on your own.

The town is dark and sad, the streets are empty, the bar you once worked at was permanently closed. Your old apartment was abandoned.

The city had been turned upside down since you left and it was all because of him.

He had killed so many people that residents got scared and fled. The police couldn’t explain or help, and officials in higher levels refused to get involved because even though they knew the source of the madness, they knew better than to challenge it. So instead, they let a small town suffer and ignored the issue.

It’s a cold night, the moon shines brightly above you. At first, you thought it was naive to challenge a werewolf at the time when he’d be strongest, but Yuta taught you that this would be the best time, for his werewolf heart would be more exposed, switching places with his human heart, and thus, making the werewolf side more vulnerable.

Johnny knows you’re in town, he can feel a shift in the air. He knows you’ve come to fight him. All this time he was trying to find you, only to realize that you would come to him and fall right in his trap.

You push the doors to the conservatory open and walk inside it. You can see that the flowers and shrubs have wilted. It’s not like it was before, it was dark and sad, the waterfall in the center no longer poured out crystal water. Everything seemed to be dead or in the process of dying. Everything except the brilliantly green water lilies that looked magical as they floated on the surface of the pond.

The vines drooped down from the glass ceiling and fell into your face as you walked through it.

The once colorful and happy flowers hung low as if to represent the own feeling of defeat and grimness in your heart.

You hold your crossbow by your side, ready to use it at the slightest sound.

“Welcome home, my sweet strawberry shortcake.” Johnny’s voice echoed out, bouncing off of the high ceilings.

You looked around, but couldn’t find him.

“Enough with the games, Johnny.”

You looked to the side carefully, he sounded close but you couldn’t tell which direction he was coming from.

“But I like playing with you..” Johnny says lowly, you can almost hear his pout, but his voice tells you that he’s getting closer.

You listen closely and hear movement above you. You quickly aim your crossbow above you and shoot an arrow towards him. He hangs from the ceiling upside down and lets out a loud road as he dodges the arrow.

He’s fast and disappears from your sight when he drops down to the ground behind a group of ferns.

You quickly reload and hold your crossbow up again. Turning slowly until you get a glimpse of him.

Johnny is caught off guard by your swiftness. The human in him calls out to the werewolf in an attempt to stop himself. He just wants to hold you and love you again. He doesn’t want to fight, but the other part knows that he has to. He knows that there is no hope for the two of you. But you’re making him weak nonetheless. Unlike his other opponents, he still has feelings for you. A part of him doesn’t want to kill you.

While Johnny is in his thoughts, he doesn’t realize that you’ve spotted him.

You quickly pull back the arrow and release it, this time, landing a successful shot into his abdomen.

His wolf form is huge and unlike anything you’ve ever seen before, but you try not to be frightened by it. You thought of the very first night you dealt with one of these creatures and reminded yourself that you’re not that scared girl anymore.

You loaded another arrow while Johnny lets out another howl.

Johnny runs around the ferns with his super speed, knocking the crossbow from your hands. But before he does, you’re able to pull back and release another arrow into his shoulder. The contact of the silver and his skin causes a sizzling sound to emit.

Johnny towers over you and swings his claw into your side, scratching you so hard, you’re thrown to the floor twenty feet away.

You’re hoping the two shots make him weaker so you can attack his heart and finish him.

You wince in pain and hold your side as blood gushes out of it.

You start to stand up slowly, but Johnny grabs you by the throat and holds you up high.

“Let’s not fight. Make this easy for me, baby.” he growls.

You grunt and grab your katana that’s attached to your back, swiping it through his chest. Your sword cut deep, causing him to curse and toss you to the side as he bent over. Your sword was also coated in a special silver so the cut was unlike anything else. It burnt through the hairy flesh all the way to his lungs and other organs.

He coughed up blood and held himself up off the ground with one claw.

You yell and run towards him while he’s down and swing your sword again, but miss. He disappeared before your eyes and ends up behind you. He claws at your back over and over with ridiculous speed while you cry out in pain.

You fall onto your back and cry out in pain. He moves to kneel over you, but your cries distract him for a second. His facial expression changes to worry when his human side sees that you are hurt badly.

You look into his eyes and plead. “Please Johnny, don’t do this. I love you.”

You’re not lying when you say this, a part of you still does love him, but you only say it out loud to make him weaker.

He leans forward and his red eyes dissipate for a moment. Right then, you grab your katana and aim it at his chest. You put pressure on it so that it starts to pierce his skin but he quickly shifts back into full werewolf mode and grabs it with both hands.

You fight hard against his grip and push it in further while he starts to cough up more blood.

Before it can go in all the way, he grips the sword tightly, ignoring the sounds of his burning flesh on the blade and forces it out of your hands before tossing it to the side.

He picks you up angrily and bites into your shoulder. You cry out a blood-hurdling scream as the feeling of his sharp teeth breaks your skin, tears through muscles and shatters your bones. You can hear the cracking and feel your nervous system become overwhelmed with antagonizing pain. He tosses you to the center of the conservatory, then walks over to you while shifting back into human form.

“I didn’t want this..I didn’t want to turn you..”

He says softly.

“But you left me no choice...”

Your back rests against the same bench that you slept on the first night you entered this place. You breathe heavily and wince in pain, grasping onto as a much air as possible as you feel yourself start to fade.

You shakily take your gun out of your harness and hold it behind you while Johnny is distracted.

He’s too caught up in his own emotions and thinking he’s finally become victorious to read your mind and realize that you have yet another weapon that you plan to wield against him.

He kneels down to you and wipes your tears from your cheeks with his thumb. You’ve got him right where you want him.

“I can’t live without you..” he looks into your eyes, his own brimming with water.

You chuckle and he watches as blood stains your beautiful lips.

“Then die.” you let out.

Johnny’s brows furrowed and looks at you in confusion. He reads your mind a moment too late. You’ve already drawn out your gun and shot two silver bullets into his heart.

Johnny falls to the floor on his knees and winces in pain. He’s still confused as he looks back up at you. His mouth opens once he stands up and backs away from you. He feels his body start to shut down. On impulse, he tries to heal himself, but it seems as though the bullets have pierced through both hearts.

He can’t seem to heal fast enough, his vision becoming blurry. He coughs up blood and can’t back away anymore, his ankles being met with with short wall of the waterfall in the center of his beloved conservatory.

He trips and falls into the pond filled with water lilies. His body becoming limp as he can no longer feel or control his arms or legs.

You struggle to stand up on your feet, but eventually, you slowly stumble over to the pond and see his eyes are closed and his chest is no longer moving.

It’s over, it’s really over. You start to cry when you realize that he’s gone, feeling a mixture of both relief, pain and sadness wash over you.

You sit on the edge of the pond beside his body and look up at the sky. You cry out loud and uncontrollably, you can feel your body start to change, a vibrating sensation runs through it at the sight of the bright moon. But you’ve lost so much blood, your vision becomes blurry and you pass out.

You don’t feel the gentle fingers that cover your own as your body slouches over. Johnny uses the last of his energy to heal you just enough so you survive. He holds your hand tightly, giving you all that he has left as he cries quietly, waiting for death to finally consume him.

—————

[6 Hours Later]

Someone picks you up and takes you out of the conservatory. You can hear the person’s heartbeat and breathing, it’s strange. Your senses are heightened and you can feel the presence of another person beside the one carrying you.

The person places you onto a soft bed.

Your heavy eyes struggle to open, but when they do, you’re shocked to see that it was Yuta carrying you.

“Y-Yuta?” You ask quietly. As the sensation of sleeping dissipates from your body, you start to feel all the pain and memories of what happened flood your mind.

Yuta looks at you and sighs. “I’m sorry.”

He gets up and leaves the room before you can ask why he’s apologizing.

Doyoung then enters and you’re frightened.

Doyoung has a scarf around his eyes, but walks straight towards you with a bowl of liquid.

“Doyoung..what..what happened?” You start to sit up straight and wince at the radiating pain in your shoulder.

“He can’t talk..” Yuta comes back in.

You look up at him then back to Doyoung.

“Johnny ripped out his tongue when he wouldn’t tell him where you are.”

Yuta sits beside you on the bed and take a cloth out of the bowl of liquid.

Johnny.

You hiss in pain as he tends to your wounds.

“He’s dead right? Please tell me he’s dead.”

Yuta nodded. “Yes, it seems as though you did what you set out to do, you got a clean shot. Or perhaps you just got lucky.” He gives you a small smile and a wink.

You swallow hard and look to the ceiling.

“Why did you come?”

“I felt bad. I figured you’d need my help..and..” Yuta stumbles over his words.

“I was a dick to you back there..”

You smiled, but it quickly faded as you remembered your reality. You knew that you were a werewolf now. Even if Yuta did like you, there was no way you could be together.

You held his hand and stopped his movement.

“You have to kill me, Yuta. I can’t live like this..I can’t become him or..” you stopped before you said her name, but he finished it.

“Hina...” Yuta looks into your eyes somberly.

You nod as you cry.

“I know, but you won’t..not with me around..I’ll take care of you.” Yuta continues to cleanse your wounds.

“Why? I’m not your responsibility, you’ve helped me get this far, you don’t have to-“ you plead. You’re worried that you will bring him pain like the others did, you can’t bare to see his heart break when you become the monster he hates.

“I know..” he says strongly and puts the cloth back in the bowl. “I know..y/n..” he brushes your hair back with your hand.

“But we’re in this together, you’ve made my life exciting and worth living again. I won’t run away like a coward this time, I’ll fight for you.”

Your heart is warm, you start to smile and finally feel at peace. You were scared to see what would become of you now that you were a werewolf, but you were glad to see that you didn’t have to endure the pain alone.

——————

[The Next Day]

Johnny’s omega, Donghyuk goes to the Johnny’s house to look for Johnny. He discovers that the place has been destroyed. Broken glass is everywhere.

When he calls on police to tell them that someone has broken into Johnny’s house and that he can’t make contact with him, so they arrive and check out the house.

They see that all of Johnny’s belongings are still in the house so it couldn’t have been a robbery. So they head over to the conservatory to see if there are any clues there.

When they enter it, they see that the pond in the center is full of blood. And upon closer examination, they see that despite it being filled with crimson liquid, there is no body.

Johnny is nowhere to be found.

--------

A/N: YOU GUYSSS THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING!!! i hope you liked the ending...mayhaps there will be a book 2??????

#nct au #nct ff #nct angst #nct johnny #nct moodboard #nct johnny au #nct smut #nct series #nct johnny smut #johnny smut #johnny suh #johnny seo #johnny angst #nct sci fi #nct werewolf au #kpop werewolf au #johnny x you #johnny x reader #nct 127 johnny #gentle monsters #nct 127 #werewolf au #nct horror #nct supernatural #kpop roleplay #nct romance #nct boyfriend #johnny moodboard #nct scenarios #nct reactions

[tetrakys]

Eldarya A New Era - episodes 1 and 2

Let’s start with a brief recap and then my comments at the end.

Not much happens plot-wise, which makes sense since the first chapters are always about exposition and introducing the characters.

Episode 1: 

We wake up in the new Crystal room and are swiftly taken by Huang Hua to the infirmary, we are perfectly healthy and have a chance to meet one of our old friends. Since we have been revered as a deity for the past 7 year sin the Crystal, Huang Hua has to make an announcement to the whole HQ saying that we are back into the living world, then we can finally explore HQ, meet old and new friends, get a new outfit and later attend a party in our honour. This is pretty much the plot of the first episode. 

Episode 2:

In the second we have the chance of picking a Guard to belong to, Huang offered the Light one but Erika refuses because she doesn’t feel ready yet. We also get a new sword that Jamon has created for us and we can train a bit with him, afterwards we join a mission and go the forest. Once there we realise there is something wrong, as if some areas looked corrupted. We find a hurt companion and a very human shotgun bullet next to it and an evil-looking companion who attacks us causing us to end our very first mission at the infirmary, as usual. Once we are back on our feet we talk to Huang Hua about the bullet and realise that there is something she is hiding from us, then we help Ewe making a potion to save the companion. The companion got attached to us so we decide to adopt it.

Now a bit of info dump about the characters:

Huag Hua is the new head of the guard since Miiko went back to her family obligations. She is no longer the Phoenix apprentice although we don’t know why yet, she is in a romantic committed relationship with Ewelein who is still the head of the infirmary and member of the Light Guard. 

Aleja and Sonse got married and left, Colaja joined them and she and Jamon broke up since he stayed. He was sad for a bit but then got over it. Kero left when most people left no one knows where he is. Ezarel left with Twilda and Mary Anne to try to make a new life for themselves. Memoria disappeared and no one knows what happened to it and all the dragon spirits. Karuto is still he chef and he became much nicer in time, also is food much better after fruits and vegetables in Eldarya became edible. There is speculation about his relationship with Feng Zifu who is still very polite but much older looking, however nothing confirmed yet.

Huang Chu is the new head of the Absynth Guard, she looks and acts kinda strict and matter-of-factly but she is also surprisingly open-minded, she encourages Erika to think with her own head and never blindly accept anyone’s order not even her own. She doesn’t get along with Mathieu at all.

Koori is a kitsune member of the Absynth Guard, she is funny, provocative and flirty. She wants to become friend with Erika and even flirts a bit. We see her both flirting with and mercilessly teasing Mathieu, not sure if she’s actually hitting on him or playing him, but this seems to be her normal behaviour. 

Chrome is now the head of the Shadow Guard, he and Karenn are still together and while he is the official head it seems that she is his boss as usual so hierarchy is a bit blurry. The both became more mature in time, she is less into gossip and he went through a rough self-blaming patch, but he looks pretty happy right now, eating a lot and constantly making lame jokes, and she seems to have become a real fighter (everyone is recommending to never train with her).

Adalric is a sylph, Erika comments he kinda looks like a genie. He has constantly his head in the clouds forgetting all the most trivial tasks, he talks with the stars and the wind apparently.

Ophelia is this little girl we see for just a moment, we feel that she has the same aura as the Oracle, we hug her but she just smile and leaves. We are told she showed up after the White Sacrifice and no one actually knows anything about her, not even if she sleeps and eats and where. 

Mathieu is a human who stumbled in a mushroom cricle about one year ago, he was sort of a recluse with no friends nor family on Earth, only thinking about fantasy and adventure, so he is very happy to be in Eldarya and couldn’t care less about going back to Earth. To his dismay the test assigned him to the Absynth Guard and he’s constantly hoping to be reassigned to the Obsidian instead. He’s the happy-go-lucky type but seems to also have a certain depth that we will hopefully find out.

Nevra is now a member of the Light Guard and Huang Hua’s right hand (he basically got Leiftan’s old job). He looks more severe and it seems that the events of S1 hardened him. He is back to his slutty ways but in episode he admits frivolous relationships don’t bring him happiness. 

Leiftan got out of the Crystal with us but it took longer for him to wake up. He says that he needs to find himself and wants to put distance between him and everyone else, in fact he refuses to rejoin the Guard. When Erika asks him to train her aengel powers he refuses and says that he won’t ever touch a blade again and will never be responsible of further violence. Nevra can’t stand him at the moment because he thinks he is escaping his responsibilities. 

COMMENTS:

Since people liked the expression I’m going to repeat it again, let’s address the elephant in the room first. (Guys “elephant in the room” is a figure of speech, it’s not a real elephant lol).  No one mentioned who is the head of the Obsidian Guard, when Erika tries to ask one time the subject is swiftly changed and people seem to go out of their way to not go there. Everyone, including their grandparents, their cousins, neighbours and the cousins of their neighbours has figured out that the head of Obsidian is Lance, who is name dropped constantly. I know that there are some people who still like to live in denial, kudos to them. BV all but told me that Lance is coming in episode 3 before Christmas, the release pace is like MCL’s so I’m expecting episodes every second Wednesday of the month at this point, but we’ll see.

The situation with Nevra and Leiftan is heavy not gonna lie. I’ve only played the episode with Nevra so far and my heart broke in tiny pieces, but I want to savour the angst and enjoy the ride. I don’t blame either of the two, Leiftan went from traitor to saviour in a matter of what two days? He had not time to think about his choices and properly reflect on himself. I think it’s fair that the writing his giving him a bit of depth as a character now and not just using him for his abs and to kill and save people when needed. So yeah, I approve him going to therapy or whatever is going to do to achieve self-growth. 

Nevra is a bit trickier, he spent one year moping in front of the Crystal every day, then moved on simply out of survival, and he’s well aware that the life he has now brings him no joy so one would think he would jump into Erika’s arms immediately? He is probably still very much hurting about everything that happened and he still has a fight or flight reaction about everything regarding it, his subconscious reaction when he saw Erika must have been DANGERDANGER RUN. Sleep around is easier because he doesn’t care and can’t be hurt again. While I can understand this, I also think it’s pretty cowardly and I would’ve liked to have given the reaction to get mad, to demand him to spend time with us, because yes he hurt but we spent 7 freaking years in a coma and no time has passed for us, the day before we were swearing love to each other and now this coldness. And yes I could’ve chosen angrier options with him instead of being understanding, but then my LoM would’ve dropped. 

So what I think I’m trying to say is that I would like to have the option of getting mad without having devastating consequences on all the relationships. I know that the next episode is called Rage-something so I am hoping Erika will blow up. We are probably going to run into Lance, find out that he’s been forgiven and working with the Guard and go full violent mode. And hopefully she will get mad with the other guys as well. Homegirl needs to unleash since episode 13 AT LEAST.

Also, since Leiftan refused to train her, I’m expecting that Lance will at some point. Sweaty training sessions with a strict instructor who she kinda hates but also kinda thirst for... 😏😏😏 I have expectations now.

My general comment is that I like the writing so far, I see much improvement from the previous season although it’s too early to judge. I loved the shade thrown at Miiko and the Guard test, you can really tell the writer’s thoughts sometimes, he uses Mathieu to tell us what he thinks. 

The one think I didn’t like is that, while I can understand most of the choices and the events of these two episodes, I don’t understand how the writing can justify Erika not looking for Ezarel if she were on her route. No time has passed for her, anyone would go looking for their lover in a situation like this, not just “oh well, he’s gone”. I know he can’t be brought back, but give me a good, logical reason in game. (Also, I hope to never see him and Valkyon as secondary non-datable characters because I would die inside).

About the other characters, I like Koori and Huang Chu, I don’t like Adalric, just personal taste, he seems to be the type of person who would be into yoga and spiritualism and it’s just not me at all lol.

#eldarya #eane #tetra eldarya rambling #a new era #eldarya recap

[mushroom-cartel--writing]

begrudging (love-)blindness

Summary: You are, to him, unquestionably, terrifyingly lovely.

Relationship(s): Gojo Satoru & Reader, Gojo Satoru/Reader

Note(s):

Here’s the link to read this on AO3! (You know the drill, extra tags, different notes, the format I intended, etc.)

Personally, I think this is hot garbage in terms of structure and pacing (it’s loosely all strung together is what I’m saying, but I just needed to get it off my chest before I wrote anything else. Yet... I guess I had fun? Yeah. I did!

There's spoilers from the manga mixed with headcanon.

I still hate spacing and formatting on Tumblr, it sucks. Please, please, please, this is for your own good, click the AO3 link, this fic is such an eyesore on this platform.

|||

There’s a tug at your chest, sending you hurtling backwards and into something hard. A wall. Tiles. Smooth.

The heavens and the earth view one another through a layer of haze of light at night.

There are thousands of people gathering, their footsteps thundering echoes in your ears. Their chatter is a constant hum in the air. It stinks of sweat.

(“The train will be arriving soon. Please stand behind the yellow line—”)

You sigh.

“Dammit, Satoru! A little warning would be nice,” you hiss to the man. You hear him whisper something back but his voice is swallowed up by the crowds and then he, too, is consumed.

You feel him wander farther away from you; not left with much choice, you follow him. And down, down, down you go.

You pause when there’s an invisible wall blocking your path of his own making. “Hey!!” you shout, starting to scream expletives at him from the top of his lungs and he doesn’t look back.

A few seconds pass. The people, these poor, clueless civilians who just want to go home for the night are like sardines in a can, their bodies pushing and shoving. For space. For air. Requiring neither, you phase through the wall and the remaining levels to catch up to him, the thoughts going through your head solely focused on figuring out why he has let you out. He wouldn’t do something like this without warning you beforehand.

Why now? What now?

You pull out from the shadowed cracks of the feeble curtain set up along the fifth floor underground, suddenly feeling a heaviness you hardly ever experience. You run a cursory swipe over his teeth; the blood in the air is fresh, there are more civilians down here than up above, more sardine-ing (their presence is fading away, the above platforms’ panicked din becomes extinguished, it’s ghastly quiet, a moment frozen in time), but no Satoru. Not physically.

He loves you, you know. (You don’t understand though… Why?)

It’s a burden, draining you of what vigour is left in your soul, barely just clinging on to this plane itself.

His love is a curse in itself, really.

"I don't want you to see me hurt," he had said often, back when you were children, oblivious to the power of those words until you got older.

What they meant.

What they did—to him and you.

Still as the wind, you stand together, hands brushing up against each other's, your fingers infected with poison where his is not; the calloused skin and scars shared between you weaving a tale for the ages that will never be told.

You’re both nineteen at heart but certainly not in spirit.

You lean against him, completely unseen, waiting for him to flick his finger back.

Waiting for him to obliterate the first person he thought he could trust outside.

He doesn’t. You disappear for another time, expectant.

His love is a burden and you're not sure where you would be without it.

If he hadn't looked your way, would you be the same person you are today?

It's frightening, these thoughts of yours, but he usually chases them off when he senses them bubbling to the surface. (You want him to be annoyed.) A casual grin and stance, a flick of his wrist, a rush of wind by your side, then the phantom pressure is gone, yes, gone, however—it's never banished completely. It never can be.

You don't remember the colour of his eyes but there's a memory of you claiming they looked like marbles, buried somewhere (somehow), in the back of your mind. Like the marbles you'd smash glass bottles to obtain, their fizzy contents only drained seconds beforehand; stubby, sticky, small fingers sorting through the shards, squashing ants in the process.

Those very same fingers, now, haven't changed a bit, save for the chipped nails and whatnot duress they’ve sustained throughout his life.

You use them to push the blindfold up to his forehead, taking in the surrounding sights.

Why now? The fact that you can feel them, his fingers and everything else—that’s a bad sign. A very bad sign.

You breathe, inflating the faux lungs.

Finally, you see it. The reason why you’re walking and talking and fully corporeal.

You gulp at the living corpse, its stitches wonky and fresh. Cerebrospinal fluid spills from its face in fat droplets and lands upon the clothes of a dead man. Disgusting.

“So I was right in the end,” you say, more for yourself than anyone else. “You’re not Suguru.”

(Satoru owes you a thousand yen. You told him to burn the body immediately. Or, you know, the usual. But what’d he do instead? He went and passed it off to a third party! Man, why’d that old hag have to kick the bucket so soon… If she was still around she’d probably kick Satoru’s dumb ass for trying to be decent.)

“How are you free?” Not-Suguru asks.

The real Suguru wouldn’t ask about your appearance. He would make a comment about how the temperature has dropped and burrow into his collar. He wouldn’t question things.

The real Suguru never acknowledged you, but he knew there was something in the corner of his eye that took the image of his friend and laughed alongside them when they pulled their antics during missions.

The real Suguru is gone.

Who the hell knows where Shouko is.

Yeah. A little warning would have been nice. Real fucking nice.

There’s a cube with a dozen eyes between the two of you, the crater on the ground betrays its unassuming weight. Satoru’s muted presence, a shrunken pearl of light, emanates from the cube.

Not-Suguru follows your line of sight to it.

Giving him an answer would be a waste of your time.

You can’t, they say.

Young master, please, don’t go there, implores the servants and guards.

The elders, his grandmother especially, tell him not to enter the storehouse tucked away in the garden behind an avenue of camellia trees because that’s something they’ll discuss when he’s older.

He doesn’t listen to them, the curiosity of a three-year-old child cannot be satisfied by mere words. (“Let this be known,” the gardener says in his defense, one cold summer’s day. It is raining outside. His grandmother shoots the only person in the compound that doesn’t treat him like a blind fool with a withering glare. He does not see them again until—)

What’s in the storehouse?

A library of cursed objects? Spiritual remnants, artefacts, texts, poisons, weapons?

Maybe the mummified corpse of an ancestor whom they keep around to ward off evil?

Perhaps a curse, frozen in time forevermore?

Maybe it’s nothing and the adults are all in on some kind of elaborate hoax, he figures. Mm, yeah. Sounds about right. No one else knows about the storehouse.

It’s old and earthen. Wild plants curl the walls to one side and splotches of moss grow on the tiled roof. Where the sun hits least is pristine. Clean. He wonders if that’s where the wards are placed, out of sight, out of mind.

Oh.

Standing in the entrance of the open door with bare feet, at the threshold of the aged structure, fulfilling his desire, he learns why they wanted him to remain ignorant.

It’s a child. (A human…? This whole situation is off.) A kid his age. He can’t tell whether or not they’re older or younger. They might be a bit taller, though.

No, he wants to shout, this can’t be it! He stomps his foot. That’s cliché! Boring, boring, boring! Again, he strikes the ground. Ugh, whatever—

A sigh escapes the emaciated figure sitting in the darkness, hunched over themself against the wall of the bare storehouse.

“Ah, my f̶̥̍r̵̝͐̏i̷̳end,” they start, softly. “M̶̹̦͒y̸͍̮̋̚ f̸͉̓̋r̴͇̦̕ǐ̴̦͇e̵̫͠n̷̢͉̅̓ḍ̸̅, my very dear, old friend. You have returned.

“My e̷̳̭̿y̶͈͂e̷͔̭̎͘s̴̭̄̊, have you come to give them back? Ask for several others?

“I have waited for you, as promised. Come. Closer. Please. I do not know how long has passed since I last gazed upon your visage. Do not be afraid.

“I no longer lust for flesh as fervently as before, I will not ask of y̸͖͔̒o̵̳̍u̵͍̘̓ ą̴͕̈́n̵̫̓d̸̛̳͛ y̵̻͑̎o̵̖̥͒͌ų̴͋̐r̵̦̩̓s a sacrifice to please me.”

Their voice is garbled, the resemblance to a broken radio off-pitch jarring his reaction time, a music box opened underwater gurgling, ghosts beat to the rhythm of the blood in his ears and titter buried mysteries.

In the corner of his eyes distant stars burn, galaxies explode to life and die repeatedly, the vast cosmos is shredded apart. Universes are swallowed whole. The plane he stands upon bends to the will of the one whose gifts he uses carelessly to play the role of a deity and dictate the balance of the world.

People have said [they] reflect the very heavens.

His faith wanes.

.

a trio of ragtag orphans,

escapees, survivors and starved,

on the verge of being

no better than beasts,

happen upon a traveller taking respite from the winding roads.

a foreigner no doubt

they guess from the strange hued garb;

rest, everyone around these parts,

they know comes not

easy to scum, scoundrels, sinners and

deceivers alike.

.

.

.

mad ones, rushing to death

—without protection i must add—

oh my darling children, you are!

consume my flesh,

defend those unseeing,

purge the blight

and you shall witness

my return before long, indeed?!

.

They do not move and neither does he.

What he assumes to be their head tilts ever so to the side, gauging him, this fool of a boy trespassing on their domain. This part of the garden, the little boy realises too late, is theirs.

This, the storehouse and now him.

(—the gardener finds him sprawled out on his back come dusk. They help him to his feet and dust him off, the sparkle in his eyes an unusual occurrence; they ask their precious young master what happened and he points them in the direction of the doors sealed shut.

“I took a peek inside,” he lies. Children are supposed to do that, right?

“And what did you find?”

“Nothing.” The gardener knows he’s a bad liar.

“Good. Now come.” They lead him away from the path of the camellias. “Lady Mitsue has been beside herself over you, mister.”

His grandmother hasn’t. She probably knows what he has done and will instruct him to feed the council what they want to hear. My son was too soft, she asserts before and after every meeting with those windbags.

You have to do better.

And his father is dead, so only time will tell who’s right.)

He starts having weird dreams (memories?) several days later.

Trying to ignore them doesn’t work.

Every waking moment is subject to gore.

He has to resist the urge to scratch his own eyes out while he trains.

In the world beneath his eyelids, there are shadowy figures claiming it best he is blinded and locked away and fed what no other soul could hope to consume without issue. And just as they force open his jaw—every night, every time—he wakes up.

Satoru doesn’t know what to make of it. Doesn’t know what to make of you.

One day, he dreams of years of living without sunlight causing you to screw your not-eyes shut and look away upon the opening of a door into your domain. When you recover, you turn to the door, the emotion of curiosity tugging for your attention out of the myriad of beings you’ve eaten.

Standing at the threshold, ethereal, desperate and short of breath, is a young man. In his arms is a woman, his wife, you presume. They’re stark shades of white, binary stars of a celestial system long dead.

You smile, recognising them in an instant. “Ah, my old friends, children of my children’s children a dozen times over, tell me, what is it you wish for?”

“My wife and our child,” says the man, “please, I beg of you, save them!”

Oh? A healing? It’s been quite some time since that was last requested of you.

You skitter to the pair’s side and shut the door gently behind them, ushering them further in.

You click your not-tongue at the woman’s state, wondering why no one thought to come to you earlier. If they did, the price they’d have to pay would be much less than what you’re about to tell the man. Humans are such prideful creatures, Satoru knows this, but he can’t help but feel tense as you instruct the man to lay the woman down and state your cost.

First, he opens his mouth. Then it shuts. Opens. Shuts. The man regards his dear wife with something Satoru has never seen before in the eyes of those around him.

His reply?

“I accept—”

A harsh smack to the head disrupts the memory; he looks up, unsurprised to meet his grandmother’s gaze, wrinkled eyes so very much like his own piercing his soul.

“Being distracted in the middle of a fight is unbecoming of you, boy,” she says. “What seems to be the matter?”

He can’t tell her.

He stays silent.

“Satoru.” She raises her hand, fingers crossed, indicating the void’s opening. “We Gojou pride ourselves on our ability to adapt. That is why, in fact, I say my son was too soft. He could not accept that he would lose my daughter-in-law and the child she carried in her womb to common illness. He could not accept that it was impossible to cheat death. He could not accept the position he was placed in. And for that, he died and of the aforementioned two, only you lived. Do you understand?”

No. He doesn’t want to understand.

What is adaptation if they’ve yet to rid themselves of and bow down to your constant presence? Is that not their most fatal flaw?

You eat them.

One life in exchange for another; you told his father it was the only way.

You were given the corpse of his mother a hundred days after his birth by the elders.

Every Gojou after death, you grind their bones between your teeth and their flesh rots at the bottom of your belly. Their soulful essence fights for dominance against the forces of the innumerable curses the clans feeds you—the hate, the sentiment, the sheer bursts of techniques and mighty powers clashing, click, click, click—you embody and absorb the aftermath of each childish scuffle, playing the bored jailer adjudicator. Corpses, tools, objects, energy and flesh. It’s how you’ve lived for so long without light or human thought to taint you: the jujutsu world’s dirty little secret, waste disposal.

You are, to him, unquestionably, terrifyingly lovely.

He loves you for that one reason.

A means to an end, forever.

(The boy, a few days shy of his fourth birthday and inauguration, does not know what love is. He thinks he does, having read the definition in a dictionary in order to familiarise you with modern speech, but love is not a word to be thrown around lightly the way he does.)

“I do,” he lies again, this time, to himself. “I understand everything.”

His sight is black.

He pushes back against the current, against instinct telling him to relinquish control and reaches forward for the dream that he was ripped from.

Your true form towers over his mother’s prone form, dripping ichor and the fluid of loose entrails all over. His father stays seated even when you lift an arm to draw blood, the man facing you without a trace of fear.

“I accept—but on the condition that my child receives your protection.”

“My p̶̹̽r̴̽ͅo̵̠͐ť̷̬e̶̺̊c̶̻̒t̷̙͑i̵̮̓o̶̱n̷̖͂?” Do they not teach the younger generations what that entails?

“Yes. My ancestors wrote that you were a benevolent being in a past life. That you were a kind-hearted human who accidentally drank poison before being found and buried alive, condemned and reviled, forcing you to become what you are now. Does that still not hold true?” His father’s face is hopeful.

It doesn’t. But who are you to tell him that? That ‘benevolent being’ never existed in the first place. You’ve always been this.

The vivisepulture part was true, but the beginning? Debatable. Your memories of ‘being human’ are foggy; you’re not sure if they’re real or someone else’s. Satoru’s is the clearest thus far because you abide within him. And he’s young, there’s little to garner.

What other nonsense has been made truth in the time you have withdrawn from the world?

He wants to go down that rabbit hole.

You grab the cube and run, warping reality in your wake.

You are many things.

Alive, you are first; secondly a parent, a teacher and a friend; cursed thrice times over; quarter something-something or rather by this point; and last, your hollowness complements the damned hallowed.

You are Gojou Satoru but not.

His skin peels off in delicate scales from the speed you’re going.

The first and last time you puppeteer his body, Satoru invokes his father’s contract with you for the second time in his life.

Like the first occurrence, it happens by accident.

(The first occurrence is a stain on your memory.

Mitsue looked her grandson in the eye and tasked him with a futile quest, one that would decide the future headship of their clan. You personally thought such practices outdated but you held his tongue and grit his teeth, faking laughter for the audience they had.

She reminded you too much of your youngest, both in the way she cobbled herself together and how she suspended time long enough to catch a glimpse of you hunched beside him, flickering in and out of her void domain with the ease of a toddler climbing free of their crib.

Beautiful and deadly.

He nearly died.)

He is unaware of the finer details, but where his consciousness ends at getting a scalpel to head, it rouses again with him standing before the man who has the blood of Satoru’s friends on his hands and left him to bleed out undecapitated.

On a high from escaping Izanami’s clutches, he sprouts math and whatever nonsense off the top of his head and ragdolls up, down, across and through the air.

He feels like a being higher than the gods. Doesn’t mean he is, though.

He’s barely in control.

Violent swashes of red and blue fill the sky. He sees beyond his opponent rising from the earth the heavens condemning his breaching unto their space.

“Hey, stranger, did you know purple was her favourite colour?”

“Whose?”

|

“Satoru.”

“Hm?”

“You are Satoru, right?”

“Yessssss?”

“You… you’ve got a bit of…” Suguru gestures vaguely around the lower half of his face.

“Oh.” You rub the corner of his mouth with the pad of his thumb and see it come back tinged pink. The drying drool on his sleeves is used to rub the rest of the blood away. “Thanks.”

“Have you found her?”

“Amanai? Her body?” Suguru flinches. Your gaze is drawn to the cultists clapping. “Yeah, I did. Sorry.”

“What are you apologising for?”

“I don’t know,” Satoru says. “I feel like killing these people. Should we?”

“Why?”

“I’m still h̸͓̟͐u̴̦͗n̴͇͈̅͛g̵͔̒̕ŗ̴͕͂͘y̸͚͍͘͘.” Two wasn’t even a snack.

“I’m angry that we failed too. But we can’t do anything now, it’s out of our hands.”

|

Several days later finds him back at the entrance of the storehouse, none the worse for wear.

In the shadow of the building grows a lone weed.

“It’s changed.”

“Of course it has.”

“Will I end up like them?”

“Yes.”

#jujutsu kaisen x reader #gojou satoru x reader #gojo x reader #gn!reader #gender-neutral reader #gojo satoru x reader #reader insert #one-shot #originally posted on ao3 #jujutsu kaisen #this is a dumpster fire

[sheridans-dynamos]

Hello! Could you do #8 and Ben? Maybe in and au where he is not dead?

Okay, so Ben is alive, but that's pretty much the only difference. Him and Klaus got stranded together in 1960, and Ben still follows Klaus around, I don't have a reason why. But it had to be like that for this to work lol. Hope you like it!

8. "I don’t…I’ve never… been in a relationship and I’m going to make mistakes…I just need you to tell me. I need you to talk to me."

It was a nice day, so you had decided to enjoy a walk out on the grounds. Needing a little break from the other members of Destiny's Children. 

Now, if anyone had told you a few years that ago you'd end up in a cult, you would've laughed. Or maybe even punched them in the face. It had started out purely as a joke. You and a friend decided to go see this strange man's speech, wondering what all the fuss was about. You'd had no intention of actually joining his "alternative spiritual community." 

But while there, you'd met a shy, adorable man named Ben. You later learned that he happened to be the brother of the so-called "Prophet," Klaus. Ben had instantly captured your attention, and you hadn't been willing to just part ways and never see him again. So you'd opted to stick around for a while. 

And now here you were, still with them after all this time. It wasn't so bad, the people were nice, albeit quite intense. You never really fit in with them, as you never truly bought into Klaus' whole "thing." But you still felt comfortable there. 

Ben had become a good friend. You felt more than friendship for him, but he'd never made a move in all the time you'd known him, so you assumed he was simply not interested.

 You'd also formed a bond with Klaus. He caught on pretty fast to the fact that he didn't impress you all that much, since you didn't exactly make an effort of hiding it. You were careful not to break the others' bubbles, but you definitely weren't kissing Klaus' ass like them. You called him by his name, not some ridiculous titles like "Prophet," and he seemed to appreciate it greatly, considering you were pretty much the only member he actually bothered to remember the name of.

Your mind wandered back to Ben as you took in deep breaths of fresh air. Wondering what he was up to right now. Hopefully he was out too somewhere nearby. You didn't want to seek him out without a plausible excuse, but running into him was different, right? Then you'd get to spend some time with him, without him knowing that that's pretty much all you ever wanted to do.

You were taken out of your thoughts by the sound of someone running, headed in your direction. You turned to face the source of the commotion, raising your brows as you saw who was coming towards you at full speed.

"Klaus?" you asked, looking around in confusion for what he may be running from.

"Shhhh! Shhhh!" he hissed frantically as he put his finger to his lips. "You never saw me," he added before bolting once more, in direction of some nearby trees.

You stood there, stunned, trying to figure out what had just happened. Until you finally understood-- 

"Y/N?" 

You cringed at the man jogging toward you, quickly replacing the frown on your face with a fake, bright smile. "Keechie!" you forced out in a cheerful tone, trying not to grit your teeth. 

"Have you seen the Prophet?" he asked, turning his head in all directions, still searching as he awaited your answer.

"Kla- the Prophet?" you quickly corrected yourself. "Oh, yeah. He went that way," you said, pointing in the direction opposite where Klaus had gone moments before. 

Keechie bowed to you, a weird little hand gesture accompanying his movement as he said, "Thank you, thank you." Before resuming his jog after Klaus.

"You shouldn't have saved his sorry ass." You jumped at the voice coming from behind you. A smile grew on your face as you saw it was Ben who had snuck up on you, a smile on his face as well. 

"Come on, he doesn't deserve to have to deal with Keechie," you said with a laugh. "Nobody does," you added as an afterthought. Most people here were alright, but Keechie was just something else. He was clingy and unbearable, even for a cultist. You had no idea how Klaus survived having to deal with him so often.

Ben shook his head in amusement. "Oh, he deserves it. He brought this all upon himself. He deserves every unpleasant minute of it."

You laughed, bumping your shoulder against his. "You don't mean that. I know you love him." You linked your arms, nudging him to start walking with you. 

"Maybe," he scoffed, but you saw the affectionate smile he was trying to hide. They may bicker constantly like an old married couple, but you knew they cared deeply for one another.

"So, were you having a good time, before my idiot brother and his most loyal subject disturbed you?" he asked, and you laughed at the term he'd used. He better not say that around his brother, or Klaus might take a liking to it, demanding to be referred to as "your majesty."

"Yeah, I was. It's nice to be able to breathe, away from the group." He nodded in acknowledgment. He knew you tended to feel overwhelmed in big gatherings. "But," you added, "I was actually hoping I'd run into you."

"Really?" A hopeful smile appeared on his face, and you made an effort not to grin wildly like you so desperately wanted to. There was something so incredibly endearing about Ben's smile. Every time you saw it, you fell in love all over again.

"Yeah, can't ever go too long without missing my best friend," you said in a light tone, trying to mask the tremor in your voice. It wasn't anything new you for you to be this close to Ben, but every time you were, you had to put a lot of attention on hiding just how much you wanted to jump into his arms and kiss him senseless.

"Best friend… right…" he mumbled, unlinking your arms and walking a few steps away from you, letting himself plop down on the ground, his back leaning against a tree. 

You frowned at his reaction before making your way to him. You sat down next to him, careful not to touch him.

"Hey, what did I say?" you asked softly, looking at him, but he only looked straight ahead, his hands fidgeting. "Whatever it was, I'm sorry," you added.

He finally turned his head to look at you. "No, no, don't apologize. It's me… I..." he trailed off.

"You what?" you prompted gently after he stayed silent for too long, eager to understand what had made him so upset. 

"I should have said something long ago," he started, and you tensed, worried as to where this was gonna go. His tone was serious, and he seemed nervous. "It's probably too late now. Maybe there was never a chance at all…" he trailed off once more, searching for words.

You put your hand on his knee, looking into his eyes as you said, "Ben, whatever it is, you can say it, it's okay. I can take it."

"Okay, here it is." He took a deep breath, and you braced yourself. "I love you, Y/N. I'm pretty sure I've loved you since the moment I laid eyes on you," he finished quickly, looking at your hand on his knee, his still fidgeting nervously. 

"That's what you wanted to say? Jeez, Ben, I thought you were about to say that you secretly hated me, and you never wanted to see me again!" you exclaimed, your anxious energy giving way to pure excitement. 

He gave you a sheepish smile, his eyes lifting to meet yours. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. And I'm sorry to just spring this on you, too. I understand if-"

"I love you, too," you cut him off quickly, and the smile he gave you made you want to cry. "I've loved you all this time. Christ, I joined a cult for you! But you never made it seem like you were interested, so I settled for being your friend. That was better than nothing." You lifted your hand from his knee, taking his hand instead. 

You realized you actually had started crying when he raised his free hand to gently wipe a stray tear off your cheek. His hand lingered there as he spoke, "I'm sorry. I didn't know how to act around you. From the second I saw you, I knew you were special. I knew I had to get close to you somehow. But I didn't want to freak you out, I had no idea if you felt the same way." 

You leaned closer to him, pressing a kiss to his lips. It was everything you'd imagined, and more. Completely worth the wait.

As you pulled apart, he took your hand in his, worry back in his gaze. You frowned slightly, but before you could ask what was wrong, he said, "I don’t…I’ve never… been in a relationship and I’m going to make mistakes…I just need you to tell me. I need you to talk to me.” 

You let out a soft chuckle as you brought his hand up to your mouth, placing a kiss there before reassuring him. "Of course, Ben. I mean, I'm no expert either. But we'll navigate this together, alright? We'll both make mistakes, but it's gonna be okay, cause we're together now, and that's all that matters."

The smile returned to his face as he nodded, pulling you close to him once more.

You had no idea how long you two had been entangled with each other, could've been minutes, could've been hours. Only breaking apart when a voice made you both jump. 

"Oh, shit! Sorry, sorry, my bad!" Klaus appeared in your line of sight, and you grunted in frustration. His hair was disheveled and he was missing a shoe. But it seemed he had finally managed to lose Keechie.

As you made to get up, Klaus hurriedly said, "No, no please, do carry on." He gestured wildly at the two of you. "I have been waiting for this to happen for ages. About damn time!" he exclaimed, and you couldn't help the small laugh that escaped you. Ben rolled his eyes and gave Klaus a pointed look, clearing his throat. 

Klaus, upon realizing he was still standing there, gaping at the two of you, quickly added, "Right, right. I'll leave you lovebirds alone." He only made it a few steps before he turned his head back towards you, a cheeky grin on his face as he said, loud enough for anyone nearby to hear, "No funny business, you two!" Then he took off running.

You groaned and leaned your head against the tree but, despite your best efforts, you couldn't hide your amusement as Ben yelled back at his brother, "Shut up, Klaus!"

#ben hargreeves x reader #ben hargreeves #tua fanfic #ben hargreeves imagine

[jiangwanyinscatmom]

1- you know JC stans always try to deflect claiming LQR LXC LWJ and NMJ are all equally at fault bc they didn't stand for trhe wens either but JC and WWX are literally the only two people who know the truth about the wen sibs and he decided not to tell anyone so the public has no means of knowing everything they did and risked for him, they literally committed treason to save the jiang sect and protect them from the wen army but in the eyes of the public they are known as loyal disciples to WRH-

Thank you for the question anon!

Relevant passages in regards to this issue posted first since a lot of it gets very misconstrued with what blame lies where with the Sect Leaders before the events when it came to the massacre at Nightless City and the deaths of the Wen Remnants. This is not necessarily clean cut after the fallout with Jin Zixuan and Jin Zixun's deaths. This is also still with the underlying plot of Jin Guangshan aiming for the Yin Hu Fu. There is a lot of political intrigue that goes ignored with this by manipulation of the Jin Sect and Jiang Cheng being blinded by his own jealousy.

“… Four inspectors were harmed. Around fifty of the remaining Wen Sect members escaped. After Wei WuXian led them into Burial Mound, he summoned hundreds of fierce corpses to patrol the base of the mountain. Our people still can’t get any further.”

“… Four inspectors were harmed. Around fifty of the remaining Wen Sect members escaped. After Wei WuXian led them into Burial Mound, he summoned hundreds of fierce corpses to patrol the base of the mountain. Our people still can’t get any further.”

When he finished, silence filled the Golden Pavilion.

Jiang Cheng only spoke after a few moments, “What he did was indeed a bit too much. Sect Leader Jin, I apologize to you in place of him. If there’s any way at all to help the situation, please let me know. I’ll definitely compensate for things however I can.”

What Jin GuangShan wanted, however, wasn’t his apology or his compensation, “Sect Leader Jiang, at first, for your sake, the LanlingJin Sect didn’t intend on saying anything. However, some of these inspectors weren’t from the Jin Sect. There were a few from other sects as well. This makes it…”

Jiang Cheng’s brows were knitted. He rubbed the vein that throbbed at his temple and soundlessly took in a deep breath, “… I apologize to all of the Sect Leaders. Everyone, I’m afraid you don’t know that the Wen cultivator whom Wei WuXian wanted to save was called Wen Ning. We owe him and his sister Wen Qing gratitude for what happened during the Sunshot Campaign.”

Nie MingJue, “You owe them gratitude? Isn’t the QishanWen Sect the ones who caused the YunmengJiang Sect’s annihilation?”

Within these few years, Jiang Cheng insisted on working late into the night every day. That day, just as he decided to rest early, he had to rush to Koi Tower overnight because of the thundering news. He’d been suppressing some anger under his fatigue since the beginning. With his natural competitiveness, he was already quite agitated since he had to apologize to other people. When he heard Nie MingJue mention the incident of his sect again, hatred sprouted within him.

The hatred was directed at not only everyone who was seated in this room, but also Wei WuXian.

Passage 2:

Using the atmosphere, Jin GuangShan turned to Jiang Cheng, “He’s been plotting for a while to go to Burial Mound, hasn’t he? After all, with his skills, it wouldn’t be too hard to set up a sect of his own. And so, he used this as a chance to leave the Jiang Sect, intending to do whatever he pleases in the bright skies outside. You rebuilt the YunmengJiang Sect with so much work. He’s got a few controversial traits in him to begin with, and still he doesn’t restrain himself, stirring up so much trouble for you. He doesn’t care about you at all.”

Jiang Cheng pretended to stand his ground, “That probably isn’t that case. Wei WuXian has been like this ever since he was young. Even my father couldn’t do anything about him.”

Jin GuangShan, “Even FengMian-xiong couldn’t do anything about him, huh?” He chuckled a few times, “FengMian-xiong just favored him.”

Hearing the words ‘favors him’, the muscles beside the corners of Jiang Cheng’s mouth twitched.

Jin GuangShan continued, “Sect Leader Jiang, you’re not like your father. It’s just been a couple of years since the reestablishment of the YunmengJiang Sect, precisely when you should be displaying your power. And he doesn’t even know to avoid suspicions. What would the Jiang Sect’s new disciples think if they saw him? Don’t tell me you’d let them see him as their role model and look down on you?”

He spoke one sentence after another, striking the iron while it was still hot. Jiang Cheng spoke slowly, “Sect Leader Jin, that’s enough. I’ll go to The Burial Mounds and deal with this.”

Here the sect leaders were aware of the Wen Sect remnants as prisoners of war and saw it as a justifiable reason to keep the remaining Wens imprisoned regardless of age status etc. When Jiang Cheng is asked by Nie Mingjue for clarification on the matter of the debt owed by the Wen siblings it is deflected by Jin Guangshan and Jin Guangyao with clever wordplay to rile everyone up. This leaves those who either asked for more information, Lan Xichen who is shutdown by not having enough information by the majority and Nie Mingjue distracted by his hate of the Wens already, and Mianmian and Lan Wangji who argued that Wei Wuxian was protecting innocents and was not trying to cause a coup ignored as being irrelevant opinions. Wei Wuxian is eventually labelled a defector and danger due to Jiang Cheng exasperating what they had actually planned in the staged fight.

After this several months pass until Lan Wangji comes to tell Wei Wuxian of Jiang Yanli's marriage in a week's time. Several days later the Jiang siblings arrive with the same news and Jiang Yanli is the one to extend a peace branch to try keeping the three connected with the courtesy naming or Jin Ling. Almost a year's time later Wei Wuxian is in fact invited to the one-month celebration as another peace branch by Jin Zixuan who was the one to extend the offer. Jin Guangshan, Jin Zixun and Jin Guangyao planned the murder of Wei Wuxian in Qiongqi Pass against Jin Zixuan's knowledge. This leads to the mess of his murder and Wei Wuxian being hunted down as well as all of the remaining Wens on order of Jin Guangshan in retaliation after Wen Qing is killed as the remaining leader of the Wens and Wen Ning secretly suppressed. This leads to days later to the Pledge Conference at the city which holds Jin Zixuan's body and Jiang Yanli who is there to keep the death vigils (Shou Ling) as family. It's also why her and Madam Jin are wearing the white robes when Wei Wuxian sees them and by bad luck comes across the sect leaders pact when he tries to flee.

After the the wine had seeped into the dirt, Jin GuangShan stated, “No matter the sect, no matter the surname—this cup of wine is to the soldiers who have died.”

Nie MingJue, “May their souls live on.”

Lan XiChen, “Rest in peace.”

Jiang Cheng, however, still had on a darkened expression. He didn’t say anything even after he poured the wine.

Afterward, Jin GuangYao walked out from the LanlingJin Sect’s array and presented with both hands a square box made of black iron. Jin GuangShan took the box with one hand and raised it high in the air, shouting, “Here lies the ashes of the Wen Sect’s remnants!”

After he spoke, he sent forth his spiritual energy and shattered the box with his bare hand. The iron box broke into pieces, and white dust drifted alongside the cold wind.

A scattering of the ashes!

A series of cheers exploded through the crowd. Jin GuangShan raised his hands, signaling for the people to be quiet and listen to him talk. When the cheers slowly died down, he continued, raising his voice, “Tonight, the ones whose ashes had been scattered were the two leaders of the Wen Sect’s remnants. And tomorrow! It will be the rest of the Wen-dogs and—the YiLing Laozu, Wei Ying!”

Suddenly, a low laugh interrupted his grand speech. The laugh was too untimely, sounding both stark and jarring. In unison, the crowd turned to look at where the sound came from.

The Palace of Sun and Flames was a rather magnificent palace. A total of twelve ridges made up its roof, and at the end of each ridge were eight heavenly beasts. Yet, right now, the people realized that on one of those ridges, there were nine. The laugh from before came from over there!

The extra beast shifted slightly. The next moment, a boot and a corner of black clothes dangled down from the roof, swaying softly.

Everyone placed their hand onto their sword hilt. Jiang Cheng’s pupils shrunk. Blue veins lined the back of his hand.

Jin GuangShan was overcome with both shock and hatred, “Wei Ying! How dare you show yourself here!”

The person opened their mouth to speak. What came out was indeed Wei WuXian’s voice, but he spoke in a strange tone, “Why should I dare not show myself here? Do you people here even add up to three thousand? Don’t forget that back in the Sunshot Campaign, let alone three thousand, I’ve fought against five thousand on my own before. And by appearing here, haven’t I granted your wish? No need for you to come all the way to my home tomorrow to scatter my ashes.”

A few of the QingheNie Sect’s disciples died in the hands of Wen Ning as well. Nie MingJue spoke coldly, “What arrogance.”

Wei WuXian, “Haven’t I always been arrogant? Sect Leader Jin, how does it feel, having slapped yourself in the face? Who was the one that said he’d let the matter go if the Wen siblings went to Koi Tower and gave themselves up? And who was the one that just said he’d scatter my ashes and the ashes of the rest of the Wen Sect’s remnants tomorrow?”

Jin GuangShan, “Let’s consider things as they stand! At Qiongqi Path, you slaughtered over a hundred of the LanlingJin Sect’s disciples—this is one thing. You made Wen Ning kill at Koi Tower—this is another…”

Wei WuXian, “Then let me ask you, Sect Leader Jin, at Qiongqi Path, who was the one being ambushed? And who was the one to kill? Who was the main schemer? And who was the one being schemed against? In the end, just who was the one that came to provoke me first?”

Keep in mind none of the other sect leaders were privy to the scheme between Jin Guangshan, Jin Guangyao and Jin Zixun. And they believe they are certainly fighting off a crazed Wei Wuxian and what they think are his fodder Wens meant for corpses. After this Wei Wuxian desperately fights against Lan Wangji who is trying to calm him down before it's too late which is unsuccessful leading to Jiang Yanli also trying to calm him down enough to get him away and talk some sense to get him out of there to run and get to the Wens. After her death he mentally blacks out and Lan Wangji is left trying to take him away to safety close enough to Burial Mounds. Lan Wangji then fights off his elders as Lan Xichen gathered the Lans to find them. Immediately after this is in sequestered secrecy Lan Wangji is punished. Lan Xichen presumably stays with his own brother while Lan Qiren is the acting Sect Leader for the actual Siege that the other three are part of as support. That leaves Jin Guangshan with the ulterior motive of getting the Yin Hu Fu, Jiang Cheng who wants revenge for the death of Jiang Yanli, and Nie Mingjue left to think he is killing what he considers disgraceful Wens.

So, in short, each of them had different motivations for actually being there, and different accounts for those reasons. The Jins for more power, Jiangs for revenge, Nies for justice and the Lans in solidarity. And the fault of it isn't meted out equally as all had misunderstandings and manipulated by Jin Guangshan's pull to each of their morals as cultivation sects. In the end each of the four were there to kill the Wens and Wei Wuxian aside from Lan Wangji and arguably Jiang Yanli when she was caught up trying to get Wei Wuxian to run.

#mdzs #mo dao zu shi #Nightless City and the First Seige #don't mind me #asks #I can never make these short it seems

[deerth]

my first mistake in witchcraft

yes i’m going to be petty over religion for a second here.

i have been slowly inching out of the broom closet as i now consciously move on from the atheist mindset to the pagan one. i was looking for more resources to research my path, and i ended up on a witchy server... woe unto me as i try to fit in once more, for it seems that not even witches are unified.

forget about all that shit about garden, cosmos and whatever witches. the religion actually broadly branches into two practices - Wicca and regular witchcraft. so you are primarily the one or the other, no matter what flavour of ritual you practice.

the primary difference between Wiccans and general witchcraft is your belief of whether religion can be used for harm or not. in short, Wiccans state “an it harm none, do as ye will” (as long as you don’t hurt anyone [including yourself], go bonkers), therefore you will not find Wiccans casting curses or hexes. we know the responsibility of our faith and we know that if you radiate bad vibes, it will come right back around to bite you in the ass later. that said, most Wiccans don’t mind witches who do curse or hex. some cultures use practices like voodoo, and even old eastern European practices were not free of rituals that were made to directly interfere with someone’s will (love spells that were supposed to make someone love you). therefore, a disclaimer: I’m not anti-hex. I would not use a hex because I feel that hate will not solve hate, and as long as you’re an adult, I trust you know what you’re doing with your power. maybe you are of an oppressed culture and have good reason to exact revenge on someone who severely hurt you, especially if you have a long-standing tradition of hexes. even Nina Simone sang “I Put a Spell on You” (albeit this is also a love spell). I know curses and hexes and even spells affecting with another’s free will are an inherent part of witchcraft and I won’t deny it. I follow my doctrine, you follow yours, that is fine by me.

what is NOT fine with me, however, is propagating hex culture among minors. why? because minors are not ready to take on that responsibility!!!! just like they are not truly ready to make healthy decisions about sex, alcohol or other substances, they cannot take true responsibility over causing harm, be it spiritual or otherwise. “what’s a little hex do?” you might ask, if you’re a minor. not to sound like a boomer, but when I was 16, I was edgy as fuck. I hated everyone while claiming to love everyone. I was in NO correct mental state to make decisions about the aforementioned things. even without casting any hexes, I made many mistakes. big ones. I hurt a lot of people. yes, I regret it all deeply. I wish I had thought things over rather than stay stubborn. in fact, most people under 20 are not ready to enter discourse, drama or a vicious cycle of hatred purely because it will always turn into “all bite but no bark”. I purposefully say it that way because although youngsters are admirably spirited and ready to take on the world... they often bite off more than they can chew. I see girlies straight out of high school trying to solve huge problems like racism, and although, again, admiring these young people, they have researched their stuff. to an extent, they know what they’re talking about... but I do believe hate will not solve hate.

one of the moderators of said server retaliated with it not being a universal truth, and claimed my take to be “unverified personal gnosis” (what is a verified gnosis, anyway? how do you measure it? especially in a practice like witchcraft where every bloody individual practises it differently and there are no priests or churches?). if the moderator happens to read this and wishes to elaborate, i’d be welcome for a bit of constructive discussion over what is and isn’t personal gnosis. I acknowledge that “hate cannot be fought with hate” is not a universal truth... that is perhaps where I went to the extreme. but believe me, I did not say it to be holier-than-thou. I was actually shocked to be called out by not one, but two moderators on my behaviour, instantly. I did not read in the rules that one would be forbidden to state their opinion or softly disagree, but perhaps it is so and I did not pay enough attention.

there comes another food for thought: is it possible to socialise without being opinionated in any way? would shutting down opinions truly prevent conflict? because I’m feeling very bitter and left out now. I know everyone on that server is not Wiccan. but to get slapped in the face right after I attempted to be friendly (laconic and feeble as that was), among who I considered to be my own people... I feel conflicted. now mind, I’m not going to leave witchcraft behind. it is my religion, and thanks to this experience, I learned that Wicca is the right thing for me. I don’t want to advocate for violence and a vicious cycle of hatred. my grandfather was Romani, therefore I believe I know a thing or two about mislabeling and hate enacted upon minorities and outcast people. does that mean I want to kill and hex every white in sight? the answer is no. if anything, me being both Wiccan and Romani, it would just add fuel to the fire. especially because Romani are stereotyped as evil witches in the first place, so it would be a double suicide. by propagating violence, I would give these people more reason to hate pagans and Romani people. both cultures are already feared and hated upon as it is. I am not going to give people more opportunity to hate me.

coming back to the minor I disagreed with in the server. I was shocked that the first thing that came to a teenager’s mind was a revenge hex. it screams of naiveté and irresponsible behaviour towards your faith. and not JUST your faith. as I am a student of psychology, I am well aware how mind patterns work, and here’s the funny thing: psychology has proven that witchcraft’s law of returns is somewhat true, not on a magickal level, but on a mental one. if you ponder over violence and revenge excessively, you are reinforcing those neural pathways in your brain. there is a reason why they say “hate breeds hate”. it is the same reason why depression is so hard to deal with. anything you obsessively ruminate over reinforces it again and again until escape seems impossible. I’m not only speaking as a witch, I’m speaking as a human being. is it correct to propagate petty violence among minors when we as adults can do better and guide young people to better paths?

I’m not saying young people shouldn’t use hexes. but I am questioning their ability to take on the responsibility of potentially hurting someone, or even just thinking of hurting someone. you plant a seed of hate and it may just grow. you knock on the devil’s door enough times and he will answer (disclaimer: I’m not Christian either, I just like the saying). soon there shall be nothing left but hate. if the person in question had not been a minor, I would have left it at that. but religion is sacred. a witch’s magick is essentially making something important to you sacred. it’s not a plaything. it’s not to be used light-handedly. it’s not a trend. and hexes should be the last resort if all else fails OR the person you hate has a damn good reason for being hated.

is it wrong to vote for love and peace? yeah, I sound like a hippie, but I think they’re right. love was not born from continuing to fight each other - love was born from unity, from coexisting. how does one fight racism? psychology says see more poc, interact with them, understand their struggles. how to fight religious fear? spend time with people of different views. how to get over homophobia? spend time with the gays and try to understand their views, and like, actually understand them. spending time with someone just to berate them is still bigotry. the interaction I mean here is coexisting with minorities in a shared space and them slowly, but surely becoming more accepted and normalised because we finally see them. even a bigot can’t stay a bigot if they are brought out of isolation. if they’re forced to see people different than them.

unfortunately, not even your own faith can comfort you sometimes, mostly because the community is still divided. there are rules on what should and shouldn’t be done, and woe upon thee if you dare to even peep one of your thoughts. I merely said thank you and sorry and left, as I always do when I feel misunderstood. it was a valuable yet harsh lesson, and I regret hoping for acceptance or even offering me a moment to be understood without being shut down without a second thought. I regret hoping for a little discussion where it is seen as a violation of rules.

again, as long as you are ready to bear the responsibility of harming another, do whatever you want. as a Wicca, I prefer staying benevolent and kind, even to those who traumatised me. you might argue that this essay in itself is not benevolent... after all, Wiccans don’t slander people behind their backs, you might say. but it is not my intent to slander. it is just me expressing sheer confusion over what I expected to be a community to hear out all voices, because why have a community at all if you allow for no discussion? do we shut off discussions entirely in fear of fights? but alas, it is human nature to be opposed, but it’s also human nature to still hold hands despite the differences - one just needs to acknowledge it.

blessed be.

#own post #witchblr #witchy #wicca #laconic and gross oversimplifications to this post will not be accepted. #i am naive in my own way for believing people want to be kind #but i do believe that there can be love and peace on the planet earth. as a survivor of hate #i know it.

[soundsof71]

for the album thing: born in the usa :)

I could write a book about any of Bruce’s records from Born To Run to Born In The USA. I did in fact write my grad school thesis using Nebraska as the hook: ”Vehicles of Grace: Automobile Imagery and Salvation in the works of Bruce Springsteen and Flannery O’Connor” LOL which is one million percent true. 

In fact, I bought Nebraska on my first day of class in grad school (a whole story by itself), and BITUSA came out as I was finishing my coursework two years later. It’s hard to overstate how hard this one hit, but my reaction was kind of complicated, so I’ll tell ya all about it.

the first song from this album I heard: “Dancing In The Dark”, which came out as a single before the album. Followed immediately by “Pink Cadillac”, its b-side. We played the SHIT out of that song in particular, far more than the A side, and were dumbfounded that it wasn’t on the album. 

do I own the album?: Obvs, but there’s a story. Of course. My girlfriend and I bought it on vinyl the day it came out in June (we weren’t married yet, but we’d merged our record collections the previous year LOL), then for my birthday in August, she bought me a CD player for like $800 (they were expensive as FUCK when they first came out -- and $800 was even more of a fuckton of money back in those days, especially for a couple of grad students), with one CD, Born In The USA. That one CD was more than reason enough to spend the dough on a player.

I still have that CD, along with the ticket for show where we saw Bruce on our honeymoon in England, at St. James Park in Newcastle, in June 1985. He’d just gotten married too (the first time), which is a whole ‘nother story too. Oh, and I still have the sweatshirt from that show! I'll post a picture of all this some time.

my favorite song: Wellll....here’s where it gets kinda complicated. Bruce had a notoriously hard time picking songs for the record. He’d recorded something like 50 songs for the album, and once he cut the list to 30 or so, he kept asking people he trusted to pick THEIR favorite running order. (Dave Marsh talked about this in his book Glory Days: Bruce Springsteen in the 1980s, and I haven’t heard it much discussed since then.) It’s hard to argue with the finished results, but you know what? I kinda do, still, all these years later. LOL 

My favorite song OF the album, no question, is “Shut Out The Light”. (Check my tag for this song to hear some more about it.) It was first released as the b-side to the 7 inch single of “Born In The USA” (remarkably, the third single from the record), and wouldn’t show up on CD until 1998 on the Tracks anthology. Tracks was 4 CDs in all (should probably have been 6 discs, and COULD have been 10), but I bought the whole thing for THIS.

My favorite song ON the album: “Downbound Train.”

my least favorite song: “Darlington County”. 

a song I didn’t like at first, but now do: “Dancing In The Dark”. I’m not alone in this. Miami Steve famously HATED the song at first, and only came to appreciate it after years of playing it live. I still remember never more eagerly anticipating an album in my life, and never being more upset by the advance single. I was devastated.

Here’s why. Born to Run came out when I was 15. “Gotta get out while we’re young!” The romance of escape, with the last two songs, still grandly romantic, hinting at its costs. 

Darkness came out when I was 17. Narrator: “They did not escape.” LOL Ghosts, bitterness, compulsion, cursed by God. His estranged wife’s eyes “filed with hate for just being born”, while “Tonight I’ll be on that hill ‘cause I can’t stop.” 

The closest thing to hope: a whispered “Tonight my baby and me are gonna ride to the sea / and wash these sins from our hands.” I was a senior in high school and the dream was already dead. Awesome. LOL

The River came out when I was 20. The only hope is domesticity. Too bad that it’s suffocating and you’ll fuck it up. LOL Want to wash the sins from your hands? Sorry, the river is dry. “Is a dream a lie if it don’t come true / Or is it something worse./ that sends me down to the river?” Yikes!

The shows for this album were astounding. The album was soooo much darker than it first appeared, and the catharsis in the performance was rewarding, sure, but almost unbearable. You were left broken and crawling by the end of the night. In a good way. LOL 

Nebraska came out when I was 22. Murder, mental illness, ghosts, more murder, compulsion, and as a treat, a little more murder. LOL 

The one song I couldn’t stand was “Reason To Believe”, because I didn’t believe there was one, and I didn’t believe he did either. But boy did I love the album as a whole. Like I said, my grad school thesis started here, because I had too much to say about Nebraska and the sweep of Bruce’s literary roots and spiritual impulses NOT to write about it. 

(Not shockingly in retrospect, and a blessing for us all that he went through with it and is still at it, but Bruce’s therapy started here too.)

So from 1975 to 1984, things got darker and darker and darker. It was beautiful. LOL And hey, this was MY LIFE we’re talking about, too! From 15 to 24, I was listening to Born To Run, Darkness, The River, and Nebraska practically on a loop, and the more hopeful stuff was becoming less and less resonant. 

Sure, there was Rosalita and Thunder Road and Badlands, plenty of dancing and pumping fists, but I was dwelling in darkness, and living for it. On my best days, I was wounded, not even dead LOL but I barely listened to Born to Run by the end of this span. It was mostly Darkness and Nebraska. 

I couldn’t wait to hear what was coming after the highest body count in recorded history on that album. LOL I knew it wouldn’t be acoustic again, but man, he was cutting closer and closer to the bone each time out. How much farther could he possibly go?

And it was....Dancing In The Dark? What the actual FUCK? Practically fucking disco or something? WHA....? I loved dance music, especially in the 80s, but I didn’t need it from Bruce. I had that from other people. Oh well, at least the b-side was cool, so maybe the album won’t bite. LOL BUT THEN PINK CADILLAC WASN’T ON THE ALBUM. FUCK.

The album didn't bite, of course, but it took a looooong time to get over this huge dual disappointment of a chirpy disco single by an artist I barely recognized, and whom I now felt I could no longer trust to manage his own creative mission.  

My wife wrapped her head around it first (as is usually the case LOL). She dug it as the closest Bruce had yet come to putting his actual self in a song. The narrator is a writer, anyway, unlike every other song he’d ever written about jobs he never held for a single second (an observation that would form the bedrock of Springsteen on Broadway 40 years later).  

Now, I totally dig it. If you’re naughty enough, I might even post my ukulele cover of Dancing In The Dark. LOL

a song I used to like, but now don’t: None. The songs I loved, which is most of ‘em honestly, I still do. Everything about this album has gotten better with time for me, and nothing about it has gotten less so.

my favorite lyric: 

From “Shut Out The Light”: Oh mama mama mama come quick I've got the shakes and I'm gonna be sick Throw your arms around me in the cold dark night Hey now mama don't shut out the light 

From “Downbound Train” The room was dark. Our bed was empty Then I heard that long whistle whine And I dropped to my knees, hung my head, and cried

Bruce was gonna try to give me a happier record, but I was having none of it. LOL 

For the record, “Downbound Train” is my wife’s favorite track on the record by FAR, at least partly because it sounds like a band version of a song that could have followed Nebraska. I prefer Shut Out The Light because I heard the story of my own mental illness in it for the first time, but yeah, Downbound Train is amazing.

I only saw it live once at the time (in Newcastle, June 4, ‘85), but it really comes to live onstage -- true for all of Bruce of course, but this album more than any other imo.

overall rating out of 10: Then: 8. Now: 9.2.  The shows were unbelievably good (we saw three shows in three different countries on that tour) and it sold a buttload, but I still couldn’t shake the feeling that after the run of Darkness - The River - Nebraska, that this was a missed opportunity at best. 

Time and distance heals all LOL and I now love it. Not more than the four before it, but more than anything since. A masterpiece, by any standard.

#bruce springsteen #born in the usa #shut out the light #dancing in the dark #nebraska #ask #essay #downbound train #darkness on the edge of town #Anonymous #youtube

[faustrinus]

The First Stages Of Learning How To Love

❥ Drarry For the last month, Harrry had been fidgeting with a strange toy that George had given Ron in exchange for his help in the Weasleys Wizards Wheezes. It was a small, shiny object, but since no one knew what it did, Harry got to keep it. It seemed to help Harry with his nervousness- but, how could the boy who lived be nervous? After facing deathly experiences so many times? Well, the thing is; it was another kind of nervousness. It was the wave of shame that hit Harry when he noticed his crush staring back at him, or the tension when they are sitting really close and their thighs touch with each other. When someone says something funny and that person laughs big and loudly, and the poor unfortunate soul that's in love with them can't help but wish that smile was for them and only them. Yes, that kind of nervousness. And the damn butterflies came again when he spotted him entering the Great Hall. Fuck Draco Malfoy and his perfect hair, beautiful features and elegant moves. “Harry?” Hermione called his attention, it seemed like she had been speaking for the last few minutes but the boy wasn’t paying attention to her, “What’s on your mind?” Harry opened his mouth to say something but he got cut off when Ron sat next to him, big dark circles under his eyes. “I hate Potions. I hate Potions so much that if I could go back in time to kill whoever invented the subject- I would, no doubts.” Hermione raised an eyebrow, “Well, that’s what you get after you were mean to Crookshanks last night, no help coming from me.” Harry giggled a little, looking at his two friends. Not even a war could change who they were as people. “It’s a cat, Hermione.” “Well, he’s certainly smarter than you sometimes.” Ron snorted, but still smiled a little after doing it, “Thank you for that, girlfriend.” Hermione blushed, ignoring the now amused Ronald Weasley that was watching her expression with too much interest, “You were going to say something, Harry. What was it?” “Nothing important.” “Well, it has to be,,” she spoke in her most reprimanding tone possible, “Since I was talking to you about this assignment we have to do in Defense Against the Dark Arts, and it’s very important.” “For the start of the year, they are really pushing us, huh?” Harry rolled his eyes, “What is it about?” “Weren’t you paying attention to the last class?” Harry tried to remember. The only thing he retained for that class was how close Malfoy was sitting to him and that he smelled really good, like lemons and something fresh. “Not really.” “And why is that?” “Harry’s got a little crush,” claimed Ginny, who appeared out of nowhere, claiming her place next to Hermione, “It’s pretty evident.” Harry tensed and suddenly his two best friends were staring at him with suggestive looks, waiting for an answer. He couldn’t give it to them as if it were nothing- and he couldn't lie, because he was a pretty shit liar. After spending his whole life trying to save the whole wizarding world and never thinking about what he wanted, being head over heels with someone was a strange feeling. “Well, hello to you too, Ginny,” he spoke, trying to redirect the attention, “I didn’t know you were having breakfast with us today.” The girl rolled her eyes and hit playfullyt one of Harry’s arms, a smirk appearing on her lips, “Oh, c’mon, do not play the fool. I can read you like an open book.” Harry felt himself blushing, but he couldn’t deny that Ginny was in fact, saying the truth. After all, they'd known each other for so long that she often could read him better than he could read himself. Though their relationship hadn't worked out, they were still close friends. Soon after they broke up, Ginny discovered she had a crush on Luna Lovegood and time later, Harry noticed his attraction to Draco Malfoy. Ginny’s situation was a little bit easier considering she wasn’t enemies with Luna before all the stuff that happened. People wouldn’t be too shocked to see them together or if the Ravenclaw reciprocated her feelings. “So you know who is Harry’s crush, Ginny?” Asked Ron, one of his hands on his chest, “I thought we were your best friends, Harry. And you told my sister first?” Harry had wanted to slam his head against the table ever since the topic had arrived in the conversation, “I don’t have a crush,” he assured them, “And if I did I wouldn’t tell Ginny.” The girl stuck out her tongue in a mocking gesture, “Oh, but you do have a crush.” Hermione (who had been looking at Harry since he started to act more and more nervous) hit the table gently, drawing the attention to her, “Harry, if you do, you don’t have to tell us who it is...” she laughed softly, “but remember you are a terrible liar.” After she spoke, the table fell silent. Harry just wished that the earth could swallow him so he could escape the conversation, but just standing up and leaving the Great Hall when it was at its fullest looked too suspicious, and the last thing he wanted was for people to stare at him. “Fine,” he mumbled, “I do have a crush on someone, happy?” Ginny nodded furiously with the brightest grin on her face, while Hermione and Ron just seemed surprised- of course, they were acting. They were trying to make their friend feel more comfortable, but it was crystal clear they believed it before Harry said it was the truth. Harry glanced at the blond boy that was sitting alone at what used to be the Slytherin table (because now everyone could sit wherever they wanted) and thanked every spiritual being he could think of that he wasn’t looking at their table. If he did, Harry would die right there without having time to react. “So… any clues on the lucky person?” “Ginny,” Ron scolded her, “don’t make Harry more uncomfortable.” “I just think he deserves to be happy after so much shit,” she excused herself, ignoring the look Ron gave her for swearing. "I'm sorry, Harry." An apologetic smile decorated her freckled face. Harry accepted the apologies, nodding, “Don’t worry. Just… don’t make a big deal out of this. It's not like I actually have a chance, anyway.” Ron looked confused, “But you are Harry Potter! You are practically a legend! who wouldn’t like to be with you?” “The war ended. I’m just… Harry. I don’t have anything special besides this dumb scar.” Hermione took her special edition of The Ministry of Magic: A guide and smacked Harry on the head with it, making a soft thump sound. He was about to complain when she shut him off with her finger. “Harry, you’re a lot more than that. You’re amazing at Quidditch! you’re also very good at defensive spells. You’re creative, brave and a good leader.” “Yeah,” agreed Ron, “you’re also an extremely caring friend and fun company to be around, I always have fun when I’m with you.” “And in case you're feeling insecure,” Ginny was the last to say something, “You’re a very good boyfriend. Very pleasant kisses.” “Ginny!” “What? Sometimes people are insecure about their kissing skills.” Harry chuckled to hide the fact he was becoming as red as a tomato, “Thank you,” he scratched his neck, “I guess.” “Is that enough for you to feel like you have a chance?” Harry felt his stomach twist into knots again, but rather than some mere butterflies, they felt more like an elephant stampede, “Maybe.” “Good.” ─────────────────────────────────────── Two weeks later, Harry was still mulling over the conversation he'd had with his friends. They did have some good points- he wasn't that bad. And really, everything could happen. He didn't expect Ron and Hermione to be together, but they were. He also didn't expect for Ginny to get in a relationship with Luna in the two weeks that had passed, but she did. Maybe… he just had to wait for the right opportunity to take. It seemed like destiny was totally in his favour (or against him, it depends) when he collided with the person that was owning his thoughts. The one and only, Draco Malfoy. “Be more careful next time, Potter,” he said, but his voice wasn't as harsh as Harry expected it to be- it actually sounded kind of gentle “also, your wand fell.” Harry quickly put himself back together and muttered a low Thanks while picking up his wand. Draco was still standing there, watching him. Was he waiting for something? thought Harry, Maybe this the chance I have been expecting all this time. “Malfoy?” Draco arched an eyebrow, “Potter?” “Would you like to study with me for the Defense Against the Dark Arts exam?” The question that flew on the air caught Draco with his guards down. He tilted his head a little as if he was asking if that was a joke or if Harry was being serious. A long, awkward silence elapsed, and Harry was just about to apologize and run for the bathrooms to hide when Draco answered. “That would be… nice,” Draco answered, still sounding unsure, “but why me?” “Why...not?” Responded Harry, confused. Draco laughed, his head going back with it. It was the first time Harry had seen him laugh since the war, and he loved it so much he wanted to push him against the wall and steal his air in the most desperate kiss ever. “You're really funny without noticing, Potter.” Draco said while viewing outside the castle, “What do you think about working outside?” ─────────────────────────────────────── Since that day, Harry could say he and Draco were...friends, to say something. They started sitting right next to each other in all the classes they had in common, sometimes escaping the Great Hall to eat outside or going to the library to read those huge books the professors gave them. Needless to say, most of the teachers were glad that the boys had a beautiful relationship compared to how they used to treat each other before. The most fun thing to do with Draco was to sit under the big tree that grew in front of the Black Lake, working on their homework and then talking about whatever they were thinking. Sometimes Draco would rant about how funny was the fact that the only spell Harry always used was Expelliarmus, and Harry would laugh about the fact that Draco used to come to school in a suit (that he looked very good in but Harry wasn’t going to say that out loud. At least, not yet). “Seriously, Potter, why did we hate each other so much when we were younger?” Harry smiled at him, and for one second he was sure he saw Draco's face getting subtly red. “I don’t know. You were kind of annoying. I was also annoying.” Draco nodded, “True, but you had the right to be. You were new to the wizarding world and everyone was expecting you to be the greatest wizard in the whole universe. That’s a lot of pressure.” Harry kept the silence for a minute, admiring the views that Hogwarts offered. It felt like home, this school was his home- and he had to leave it after this year. Everyone felt nostalgic after spending most of your time in a place and then leaving it, but there was so much more to it. Harry lived his most life-changing experiences there, he met the people that filled his heart. He met Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Neville, Luna, Remus, Professor McGonagall… He met Draco, the boy that was sitting next to him whose hair was shining down the sunlight. “Yeah. I guess it was,” he agreed with a whisper, “But you didn’t have it easy either.” Draco looked down stiff but hummed from Harry to continue what he was saying. “I hope you don’t… blame yourself for everything that happened, Draco. Because I don’t blame you. You were a child, you just were trying to do what was best for your family and your pride. And I did the same.” When Harry realized he said Draco's name, he coughed to hide his sudden embarrassment. It came to him as something natural to say, but he didn’t know if Draco felt the same sensation.  Draco took a rock that was nearby and threw it into the lake, watching it disappear into the distance, “Thank you… Harry,” Harry grinned when hearing his name, and he was sure that now the blond boy was blushing hard because of the intimate moment they were having. Could it mean something? “Any more words of wisdom coming from you, Harry?” Harry accommodated himself better, moving a little bit closer to Draco. He didn’t try to move away, instead, he leaned a bit on Harry. Their shoulders were touching and their hands were dancing near each other, doubtful and nervous. “Can I...?” Draco nodded and that was enough for Harry to grab his hand, intertwining their fingers slowly. Draco squeezed softly as a response and they felt the wonderful emotion of knowing that something greater was about to come. They had found that place where they felt comfortable, where they felt like they fitted for the first time in so many years. It felt natural. “I...I do have more words of wisdom.” Harry broke the silence, screaming internally because he was holding hands with Draco Malfoy. “Care enough to share them?” “Somebody once told me that we've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on.” “Sounds like someone really wise told you these words.” “Yes, it was someone very wise.” Draco smiled and rested his head on Harry's shoulder, the cold breeze coming from the lake made them shiver, but it didn't matter because both of them were genuinely happy after so much suffering. After so many sacrifices, being in love or enjoying someone’s company was a silly thought. But silliness couldn’t feel better. “This is nice.” “It is…” Harry commented, his impulsive and nervous personality gaining against his composure, “I’m sorry if my hand sweats.” Draco giggled and Harry knew that he would embarrass himself a hundred times just to hear that laugh. ─────────────────────────────────────── They continued holding hands as they studied in the library or relaxed on the school grounds, far away from the prying eyes of others. Harry knew that he should know that it meant something, but Harry was too oblivious for that. He was too oblivious to know that after a whole week of meeting every day and holding hands, Draco might be expecting something more. But was he? Clearly, they had something going on, but it didn’t have a name. Harry knew from the first day that he wanted to leave everything in the past and start again his story with the Malfoy, but was Draco on the same page? sometimes he would lay down next to Harry and laugh at funny clouds, or even play with Harry’s hair when he was falling asleep after a difficult match of Quidditch. All the signals could be read as something evident- but were they ready to take another step...? “Harry!” Hermione called him, running to keep up his pace, “Merlin, you’re fast. Where are you going?” Ah, yes. Harry hadn’t talked about the crush thing with his friends since the first breakfast in the Great Hall. He was sure Ginny had seen him walking with Draco one or two times, but Ron and Hermione just received the I have things to do explanation and Harry would then leave. After one week or two, it was okay, but a whole month had almost passed and they didn’t have any idea of what Harry was doing in his free time. They respected his privacy, but it was becoming weird not to see him that much as they were used to. “I’m going to the Black Lake… why?” “Oh, great! I’m going too, I miss spending time with you.” Harry stopped walking, his hands shyly gestured to Hermione to stop too, she did, a confused expression standing out on her face. “Hermione… I would prefer to go alone, okay?” “...Are you mad at me and Ron? Because I promise you we won’t fight that much if you come back and spend time with us. We are worried about you.” Of all the things Harry expected to hear, that was the last one he thought of. Mad at his friends? He could see Hermione was troubled about the whole thing since she was acting uneasy and insecure, the total opposite of her whole persona. “What? No, I’m not mad at you or Ron.” “Really?” “Yes, really. Now…” he pulled her aside, “It’s… I should have told you before, I’m sorry.” “What's going on, Harry?” He breathed, trying to come up with a summary of everything that had happened, “Remember the conversation about my crush that we had like a month ago? well, I’m… making some progress with that person, okay? we have been meeting these days and It’s going really well.” “Oh, Harry,” Hermione left her books on the ground to jump a little and hug her friend, scaring him a little bit on the process, “I’m sorry for making assumptions. And I’m really proud you’re chasing what you want!...but Ginny told us she has seen you with Malfoy a lot.” …. “Oh.” Harry was about to turn back and run to the Black Lake when Hermione grabbed his wrist, narrowed eyes scanning Harry, “Your crush is…. Malfoy?” “Yes…..?” Answered Harry, not knowing if Hermione’s expression was good or bad, “I’m sorry if that bothers you, ’Mione.” “It’s… surprising. And I'm sure is going to take Ron by surprise too when he finds out. But people can change, and if he makes you feel happy. I’m all about it.” “You sound like a mother.” “Go to your date before I hex you,” she elbowed him playfully, “and tell….Draco, that I’m sorry for punching him a few years ago. But he deserved it.” “Yeah, he did,” Harry laughed, but nodded anyway, “I’ll tell him.” ─────────────────────────────────────── When Harry finally reached the spot where Draco was supposed to be waiting for him, he was caught by surprise when Draco wasn't there. Instead, some students were laughing under the tree, throwing rocks at the Lake. Where could have Draco gone? “Hey, Potter,” one of the guys called him, and Harry rolled his eyes because he knew he was one of the main assholes in his same year, “We were waiting for you.” “For me?” Harry looked around, noticing that everything felt a little bit...fishy, “Why?” “Oh, well,” one of the girls crossed her arms, “Rumor has it you have been spending a lot of time with Draco Malfoy.” “...What?” “We have seen you.” Certainly, Harry didn't expect them to know. He and Draco had tried everything to be subtle, just because they knew not everyone would be happy about them getting along better. But why did these people care? “Okay… And why is that any of your business?” Harry hissed, his right hand searching for his wand. “I thought after saving the whole Wizarding World you'll be smarter, Potter. He's a Death-Eater, remember?” “I remember. But he isn't one anymore.” “Once a Death-Eater always a Death-Eater,” Harry could swear he saw a strange mark sticking out the guy's arm, “Did you forget that?” “People can change.” “Yeah, I guess they can. But didn't that asshole try to kill you?” Harry snapped, “Don't call him that!” All of the group laughed, taunting their pockets for their wands. Harry didn't want to fight anymore after the war, but they were surely testing him. “Let's do this the…. muggle way, shall we? You were raised by them, maybe it's more comfortable for you.” And before Harry could distract them and run, the biggest guy in the group pounced on him, knocking them both to the ground. Harry was trying to get up, but the guy was twice his size. He didn't waste any time, smashing his fist into Harry's face. Despite the trickle of blood running from his nose, he was grateful that his glasses had fallen off his face, unbroken. The rest of the group stopped cheering when a voice a few meters again shouted: “Stupefy!” Harry managed to see Draco's silhouette casting the spell before the guy on top of him flew and fell unconscious next to him, his friends staring at his motionless body with surprise. Draco was getting closer, and with each step he took the students acted more and more anxious, deciding at the end to run in different directions to escape from the cold gaze the boy was giving them. “Are you okay… Harry?” Harry let out a small nod and got up carefully, observing how his shirt was getting stained by the blood that was dripping from his face, “I have to say, this is not the first time someone broke my nose, but yes, I'm okay.” Draco released the air he was holding and arched an eyebrow to the guy laying on the ground, falling on his back probably hurt, but he didn't care to be honest, “What an asshole.” “Couldn't agree more, but I would rather not have him in here,” Harry complained softly about the pain of his broken nose, but before healing himself he pointed his wand at the guy's chest, “Rennervate!” The guy woke up disoriented and unstable, falling to his knees when he tried to get up. His eyes followed Harry's face and then Draco's, both of them watching him with unreadable expressions, but definitely not friendly ones. And of course, when the guy noticed his friends had left him alone, he ran to the castle so fast that someone could have thought something was chasing him. Draco aimed his wand at the running student, but Harry stopped him by grabbing his wrist, denying softly “It's fine.” “It's not fine,” he mumbled, “he left you looking like a mess.” Harry laughed but instantly winced at the pain, leaning on the tree behind him to search for support, “I'm going to break a record if my nose gets broken one more time.” “You are stupid.” Draco began to walk closer to Harry, but stopped himself midways, “Can I...?” Harry looked at him confused, “Can you what...?” “Touch you,” Draco chuckled, and when Harry flushed, he added, "to heal you, dumbass." “Oh, I mean… if you want, yes.” And then Dracos free hand was grabbing Harry's face by his cheek, his other wand pointing at his nose, “Episkey,” the blood stopped dripping. “Thank you… for all of that, you know, saving me from these idiots.” “You were ready to fight back,” whispered Draco, not moving his hand even though he had finished healing the green-eyed boy, “But you didn't, why?” “I guess I was a little bit distracted when they attacked.” “But that doesn't make sense,” Draco was expecting answers, but Harry didn't seem to be paying much attention to the conversation- if the way he was looking at Draco's lips was any indication.” “Draco… Can I kiss you?” When the question came off from Harry's lips Draco let out a little yep and almost jumped back in surprise, releasing the grip he had on his wand, “What...?” Harry was already regretting his words after seeing the opposite reaction, so he quickly shook his head while moving his hands awkwardly, “I'm sorry! I don't know why I said that. Just forget it, okay? maybe I should go and get something from the kitchens-” Draco gripped Harry's wrist and asked a new question, this time sounding more confused rather than surprised, “Did you mean to say that?” “Er… Yes? I have wanted to kiss you since the first day ” Harry clarified to Draco's shock, “And every time you get close to me I get nervous and I know is dumb because we were becoming very good friends but is something that was really fucking me up and-” Draco grabbed Harry's shirt collar and pulled him into a kiss. If Harry thought he had any idea about kissing- all of them were destroyed when Draco kissed him. It was such an overwhelming feeling that he hummed into their mouths, grasping Draco's shoulders. As they deepened the kiss, Harry felt how his eyes were becoming watery at the sensation of the cold hands holding him caressing his face. He was happy. After what it was a very magical moment they both cut the kiss, breathing heavily. “Should I have asked before doing that? “Just do it next time if you don’t want me to die from a heart attack.” “Oh, so there will be a next time, Potter?” “Shut up and kiss me, Malfoy.” ───────────────────────────────────────

#drarry #harrypotter #draco malfoy #draco-fuckingmalfoy #harry potter fanfic #harry potter headcanon #gay #headcanon