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bbysamu · 3 years

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It ain’t Me - a series

✎ Featuring: KUROO Tetsurou x you

✎ Now Playing: It Ain’t Me by Kygo & Selena Gomez

✎ Genre: Angst

✎ Word Count: 1,573

✎ Preview: You and Kuroo are high school sweethearts, you thought your love was as strong as whiskey, burning and sweet. What happens when adult Kuroo develops a bad habit of clubbing too frequently and you find it harder and harder to reach him?

Ch. I

Ch. II

Ch. III

Ch. IV

Ch. V

Epilogue

a/n: no underage drinking please, don’t hinder your brain growth

♫I had a dream We were sipping whiskey neat Highest floor, The Bowery And I was high enough♫

“shhh, you have to be quiet babe, we’re not exactly allowed up here”, your boyfriend whispered as he pulled you up, guiding you to the rooftop. You nodded, slowly steadying your breath.

The dark sky was empty with the exception of the half covered moon and some stray stars. Today was you and Kuroo’s second anniversary, your relationship lasting much longer than typical high school romances. Kuroo had texted you today saying he had a surprise for you.

And the said surprise was a late night picnic on the school’s rooftop surrounded by big fluffy pillows and dimly lit candles.

“when did you have time to organize all these?”

Kuroo smiled proudly, “I had the boys bring over some spare pillows and Lev and Kenma hauled them up here during their free period”. You smiled at the image of the two boys bringing up pillows to the roof, giggling at the thought of Kenma complaining as he climbed the stairs to the roof. You made a mental note to thank the two tomorrow.

Kuroo gingerly picked up your hand and led you over to the picnic blanket. The two of you quickly settled down, his arms around your waist, as you laid your head on his shoulder, talking about both everything and nothing.

Kuroo suddenly brought out a bottle of light honey liquid.

“Happy 2 years to the love of my life.” He said, delicately pouring the golden liquid into a small glass.

“only one glass?” You raised your eyebrows.

“of course, you’re not 18 yet!”

“I’m literally turning 18 next week and you just turned last week!”

“exactly! no underage drinking in this relationship.” He smiled cheekily at you before taking a swing at the liquid. You laughed out loud at his expression.

“ew people actually like this stuff? my throat is literally on fire.”

“wait, let me try!”

“okay.”

And instead of handing you the glass, Kuroo leaned in.

You smiled as his tongue met yours, giving you a taste of the sweet whiskey.

And that’s how the both of you will always remember your second anniversary, the empty night sky and the sweet, burning taste of whiskey.

In the years since high school graduation, the two of you have settled into a comfortable pace, no longer the young teenagers, but hardworking adults in a cruel society. The honeymoon period was a distant phase, but that didn’t mean the love between the two of you dwindled.

You shot a quick text to Kuroo. His lack of response brought a frown to your face. You tried to call him for the third time, this time directly reaching his voicemail. You sighed at the thought of him pressed up against another body and glared at the laptop in front of you.

Halfway across the town, Kuroo stepped into the dimly lit club in a pressed black button up and some black pants. He lived for nights like these, the mingled bodies on the dance floor and the beautiful ladies.

Kuroo loves you and he’s been warned by Kenma a bunch of times but he just couldn’t help himself. Kuroo knew you hated the club but he could never bring himself to stop coming. Week after week, especially since you started being asked to work overtime, Kuroo found himself and some of the boys at the club, drinking and dancing with the girls in the short skirts and bodycon dresses.

Yamamoto wolf-whistled at the sight of the girls walking by, “dang, look at that girl in the black mini”.

Kuroo whipped his head around and checked out her long legs and low-cut dress before turning to Yamamoto, “I need a drink first”.

Yamamoto shook his head knowing what this meant. A drink then another was what Kuroo needed to numb himself from the growing guilt eating him away every time he was at the club. With enough alcohol, Kuroo was always able to convince himself he did nothing wrong as he gripped the waist of another woman, his lips on hers.

He winked at the bartender and a shot was served up. The burning, sweet liquid brought him back to that picnic on the rooftop. He shook his head, chasing away the memory and shot a smile at the girl in the back dress, before making his way over to her.

♫Somewhere along the lines We stopped seeing eye to eye You were staying out all night And I had enough♫

It was a little past midnight when you made your way over to Kuroo’s apartment, spare key in hand. You knew he was probably at the club, but he promised he’d be home around midnight. Things have been tense between the two of you lately. You sighed at the memory of your fight last week.

“What do you mean it was nothing?” You shouted, exasperated at the man sitting across from you. “She was all over you!” You sighed internally, tired of always fighting with Kuroo about his clubbing behavior.

Kuroo shook his head, “babe, I told you, I literally pushed her away, but the video caught the seconds she came on to me before I could even react. I love you, you know that. Why would I ever want someone else?” Kuroo knew he had you by the way your eyes softened, he mentally winced at his lie, memories of making out with the woman fleeted by in his mind. He quickly pushed them away, the guilt barely lingering. Kuroo notices he’s better at doing that.

“you’re the only one for me” He said pulling you into a hug, his words trying to convince himself more than you. Tired of fighting, you chose to believe him, after all who would you believe, your boyfriend of five years or a 10 second video?

The turn of the knob brought you back to reality. You smiled at the thought of his surprised face when he comes home to you later. You quickly changed into one of his spare t-shirts and settled down in his bed. “12:30 am” your phone read before you drifted off to sleep.

♫ No, I don't wanna know Where you been or where you're goin' But I know I won't be home And you'll be on your own ♫

The soft light of sunrise woke you up earlier than your alarm. Your body feeling unexpectedly light as you turn to face the empty space. You thought you would wake up to a Kuroo cuddling you.

“6:27 am” and no notifications on your phone. You got up, unable to sleep anymore, anger and frustration bubbling at the lack of communication from your boyfriend.

You look in his fridge, empty except for some leftover boxes. Despite your feelings of anger towards Kuroo, you made a mental note to bring over some groceries next time. You decided to make some tea, mindlessly scrolling through the news.

A sudden click of the door got you looking up from your phone to see two figures, one unfamiliar, the other as familiar as the back of your hand.

“You know we could just stay at my place. Why’d you have to insist on this weird coffee?”

You knew exactly what coffee the female voice was referring to. It was the same one you got him from Vienna that time you studied abroad and he’s been hooked on Viennese coffee ever since.

You heard his voice, “once you taste it, you won’t ever be able to go back I’m telling you”.

“where’d you get it from?”

The two figures stepped into the living room just as Kuroo answered, “oh, just from a frie...” he trailed off as you entered into his field of vision.

The colors draining from his face, the same look of shock mirrored on your features.

The woman came into view a second after, confused, “wait, who’s this?”

The look on both of your faces and the tension in the air got her scrambling to the door embarrassed, mumbling a quick apology on her way out.

Smart woman, you thought.

You looked at each other in silence. You took him all in. The ruffled hair, the faint hickey on the side of his jaw, the same black button-ups he wore to the club yesterday.

Kuroo did the same. You standing across the room, dwarfed in a shirt he bought at nationals, a thousand hurts and emotions in your big tired eyes.

You broke the silence first, too shocked and hurt to even register what had happened five minutes again.

“I’m leaving.”

“Y/N wait...” he reached for your hand and pulled you close. You recoiled as soon as you smelled the cheap perfume intertwined with the same whiskey he’s taken a like to after high school.

“please I can explain.” He search your eyes desperately.

You shook his hands off yours and quickly gathered your stuff.

“I’m leaving...”

He cut you off before you could finish, “yeah I heard the first time, please just give me a chance to explain.”

“you.”

The shook on his face made it hard to look at him. You cleared your throat.

“I’m leaving you”.

You rushed past him, but not before he caught the glimpse of tears running down your cheeks.

You realized Kuroo was like a bad shot of whiskey, burning, yet all signs of the sweet aftertaste disappearing.

#haikyuu!!#hqradiostation #haikyuu imagines #kuroo x you #kuroo x reader #kuroo x y/n #kuroo angst #haikyuu angst #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu #hq imagines #hq scenarios #ceci.writes #ceci.series

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plsimsuchasimp · 3 years

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i’m sorry (ft: sugawara).

by request: “Hi!!!! Okay im so glad your requests are open - could I please request some angst with Sugawara? Where the reader is his best friend and secretly loves him but he doesn’t know? Then maybe the reader and Suga fight and then reader gets hurt or something (maybe a car accident) and when the Karasuno team finds out, Suga is devastated and goes to the hospital and tell the reader that he loves them?? Thank you!! ❤️” -anon

yes anon i’m happy to do this- i kinda changed up the prompt a lil bit so i’m sorry about that but i hope this measures up to your standards! (i’m ridiculously soft for suga so this makes sense)

genre: sadness (literal tears were shed in the process of making this)

ft: sugawara koushi x reader

warnings: car crash, fighting, cursing, hospitalization, death

wc: 2k

“Y/n, why are you so upset? I get that you’re concerned, and I’m grateful for that, but she’s genuinely a good person and I’m serious about her!” Suga walks away from you, his back turned, shoulders raised slightly in his sweater. You can sense his frustration, his confusion, but you don’t care. His face is pouty, lip sticking out ever so slightly, and you know you can’t look at him or you won’t be able to keep yourself from kissing him right then and there.

The thing is, you know she’s a good person. And that’s what hurts. See, you’ve been in love with Sugawara Koushi since the day you met him at the bus stop five years ago, on a hot summer day with a butterfly in his hair.

You can’t stop him from getting a new girlfriend, and you know it’s selfish of you to hope he likes you the way you like him, to hold on to him for all these years.

Sometimes when it’s late, you let yourself drift into your memories. The spring days when he would take you hiking, out into the mountains to show you his favorite spots, the times when your stomachs hurt from laughing at the dirty jokes he found off of random places on the internet, the rainy moments and baking cookies when it just seemed calm. With Suga, you felt at home like nowhere else.

Now, your eyes sting unfairly, and you turn away from him as he glares towards you, brow furrowed. Struggling to keep your voice even, you say, “I know, okay Kou? I just- I don’t know, she gives me bad vibes.”

You know he doesn’t mean to be rude, but when he scoffs, your heart squeezes just a bit and tears prick your eyes. “You’re telling me to call off a whole relationship because she gives you bad vibes? You did this with all of my exes, too!” Suga sighs, hands on his hips. “You know you’re my best friend, but honestly, y/n, this has to stop. You can’t control my life!”

He’s right. You know he’s right, and that’s the harsh thing about it. You want him all to yourself- everything about him is entrancing, intoxicating, familiar. Jealousy is a bitch.

“Don’t tell me what to do.”

At this point, his jaw drops open at the sheer audacity of your remark. “I can’t do this with you today.” He throws up his hands and sits on the bed, making it clear he doesn’t really want to talk anymore.

Suga never really fights with you. He teases endlessly, but he always stops himself before he really hurts you, and the fights between the two of you are always calmer on his side. He’s usually the first to apologize, but it seems this is a sticking point for the two of you.

“Well? Go!” As soon as the words are out of his mouth, he regrets it. You flinch backwards at his words, and he doesn’t miss the unmistakable glint of tears in your eyes as you walk out of the room.

“Fine, I guess I will!” As soon as you’re outside, you cover your mouth with your hand, your vision blurred from large drops threatening to spill from your eyelashes. You muffle your sobs with the sleeve of a sweatshirt Suga lent you, and it just makes you cry harder when you breathe in his slight cologne.

He wasn’t going to let her go this time. You missed your chance.

You’re running, but where to? As soon as your thoughts stop spinning, your feet freeze, and you glance around you. Shaky breaths escape you as you duck your head and attempt to cross the street, questioning looks from passerby making your cheeks heat up.

All of a sudden, you hear a car horn and freeze to see a car speeding towards you, out of control. The last thing you see before everything goes black is a child pointing at you, and you almost laugh at the incredulity of the situation. Then you black out on impact.

Back at Suga’s home, he sits in his bed, running his fingers through his silky hair. He curses under his breath, already hating the feeling.

He hates when the only person he’s ever truly loved is mad at him.

Honestly, Koushi can’t fathom why he keeps getting other people to date him, momentary distractions from his everlasting affection for you. You, the only person who’s there for him when he’s hurting, the only real friend to stay near him through everything, the only person he fell in love with on first sight. He wanted to be with you, but he didn’t want to ruin this was.

Better to be certain friends with you and never get what he truly wanted than to try and lose you completely.

Suga picks up the phone to text you when he receives a call from an unfamiliar number, marked as the hospital of your district.

“Hello?"

“Is this Sugawara Koushi?” The female voice on the other end of the line asks.

“Yes, is everything okay?” He responds, curious as to why the hospital is calling him in the middle of the day.

“Well, we have Y/N L/N here, and you’re listed as one of their emergency contacts. Would you mind coming to the hospital to fill out some paperwork?”

Immediately, his world freezes. “W-what did you say?”

“I said, Y/N L/N is in the hospital and we need you to come in and see them.” She’s patient with him, voice even and calm, clearly used to people in shock from news of their loved ones. “They were involved in a car accident.”

He nods, momentarily forgetting she can’t see him. “Yeah, I’m on my way.”

The line clicks, and he sits there for only a minute before hurrying down to his car, grabbing the keys and starting the car. He seems to forget basic movements, mind consumed only with thoughts of you.

“Shit, shit, shit,” he muttered, edging above the speed limit on the road. He was tempted to honk at someone, but refrains from it, knowing it won’t help with the turmoil of emotions he was feeling.

Then, it hit him. This was his fault. He almost stopped the car in the middle of the road, throat closing as guilt washed over him. Koushi didn’t know you’d take it so hard, didn’t mean for it to come off that harshly.

He arrived at the hospital, and as he walked in, the receptionist looked up at him.

“Sugawara Koushi?”

“Yes,” he said, and watched the smile slowly fade from her face. He noticed she tried to hide it, ducking her head, but it was too late. “Are they- are they going to be okay?” he gulped as she didn’t respond.

“Room 208,” she said curtly, “You should probably go in.”

The lights seemed to blur into each other as Suga practically ran to your room. Every footstep seemed to take forever, travel only a few centimeters forward. He couldn’t get there fast enough, accidentally bumping into the wall and muttering a hushed “sorry” to it.

He arrived. The door was almost too heavy, or maybe it was just the fear making his limbs heavy as lead.

There you lay, and it was worse than he thought. Tubes of all sorts trailed from your body to things around the bed, crowding and seeming to close you in. Scratches ran down your cheek and there was dried blood on your hairline, streaking down your face. The breath fell from his throat and he stood in the doorway, paralyzed.

This could not be happening.

One look and he could tell you weren’t going to be okay. An IV drip led into your left arm, and you were unconscious, so fragile, so angelic. It looked as if you were only sleeping, like the countless times you’d snuggled into Suga’s shoulder in the warm summer nights, staring at the blanket of glittering stars far above. The ones in your eyes, though, outshone them all.

When you slept, you always seemed so peaceful, so comforted, but now your brow was slightly furrowed, your lips drained of color and slightly parted. Even in this state, you were still the most beautiful person he’d ever seen.

Shakily, he made his way to the chair and sat down in it. He tried to swallow, but his throat was dry, and tears were dripping down his face before he could wipe them away. A choked sob escaped him as he reached out his hand, hovering over your limp one.

He took your hand, and he hunched over to feel how cold it was. Your hands were always colder than his, which made him a perfect match for you. Never before, though, had he felt this ice.

Suga’s shoulders began to shake, and he clutched your hand, silently begging you not to leave, please please please don’t leave me, i don’t know if i can survive without you. Of course, there was no response but the steady beep of the heart monitor, the only thing reassuring him that you were still there.

Shaking, he brought your hand to his lips, barely brushing them against your knuckles.

“Y/n, I’m so sorry.” Whispered words fell gently from his lips, trying to stay composed for you. “Please stay with me. Please don’t leave.” His tone rises, voice breaking in desperation. “P-please.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He rocked back and forth, holding your hand as if it was the only thing tying him down. “I-I love you.”

There. He said it, those three words he’d wanted to say since the day he saw you smile for the first time. Hopelessly, madly, endlessly in love with you, only you.

When you didn’t respond, he let himself sob, let the pain overtake him. Hot, salty tears spilled onto your hand, and he silently wished for a sign, a movement, anything to show that you weren’t gone just yet.

In that moment, he whispered everything he wanted to say to you, a thousand words choking him and clogging his throat to the point where he couldn’t breathe anymore.

The doctor came in, shutting the door silently behind him. “Sugawara-”

“Call me Suga.” His voice was quiet, reserved, threatening to break.

“I’m afraid y/n isn’t going to make it.” The doctor sighed, mercifully pretending not to notice Suga’s muffled cry. “I’m so sorry for your loss.”

“You’re joking, right?” Suga raised his head, puffy, red eyes desperate. “Please- tell me you’re joking.” The silence from the doctor told him otherwise, and Suga felt his heart shatter in that instant.

He squeezed your hand, and just as he did, the heart monitor stopped beeping, a flat tone emitting from it. He couldn’t stop the heartbroken cry from spilling from his mouth, his breath stolen by the endless constriction of guilt and grief in his chest.

He stayed there for another two hours, crying over your hand limp in his grasp. When Daichi arrived at the hospital to drive him home, he didn’t want to leave.

Suga stared out of the car window, numb. It was impossible- the world couldn’t be this cruel.

It’s your fault, your fault, your fault, the voice in his head whispered. The broken sobs that spilled out of him hurt, stabbed at his breathing, but he didn’t care. It was his fault that you were gone, forever.

The rest of the day passed in a haze, the sun setting with flared colors that you would have loved. The stars were brilliant, but Suga couldn’t look at them. His pillow smelled like you, and everywhere he looked had some imprint, some memory of you. You were the only person he’d ever love, and you had been stolen from the world in an instant.

In the months afterwards, nothing was the same. He saw you everywhere, expecting to see your texts pop up on his phone, accidentally ordered your drink at the boba place you would always go to.

At the funeral, his stiff black suit seemed awkward, but you always said he looked handsome in one. That was the last time he got to see your face besides pictures, the fading memory of the person who loved him for who he was.

the person who he would love for the rest of his life.

you’re an angel in my eyes.

a/n: tbh this is probably one of the most painful things i’ve written so far suga im so sorry also THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR 50 FOLLOWERS ITS CRAZY i finished this at 2am i’m going to be so sad if it flops <\3

#sugawara koushi #suga x reader #sugawara x y/n #koushi sugawara #sugawara angst #sugawara sadness #i'm literally so sorry this is very sad #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!!#haikyuu angst #haikyuu sad #suga x y/n #suga x you #sugawara x reader

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sshbpodcast · 2 years

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The many faces of Star Trek movie posters

By Ames

Ah, the Star Trek movie posters: a study in just what various artists think William Shatner’s face looks like. A Star to Steer Her By is sitting down this week to really get a good look at the posters (okay, mainly the official theatrical posters, since you’ll see that movies tend to have myriad versions) and consider this: if we saw this poster, would we want to see this movie? Or more often: whose face is this supposed to be?

See all the posters below. ALL of them. They’re also here in google drive if you want to see them higher res. Check out our discussion in this week’s episode here (poster discussion starts at 1:00:26) and find out which posters have us hooked and which have us starting our own insurrection... (wink wink).

[Images © CBS/Paramount]

Star Trek I: The Motion Picture

As Jake says on the podcast, the best thing about The Motion Picture is the marketing, as we discussed in both our tagline and title card posts previously. Like the movie, the poster is visually interesting, colorful, and dynamic. We’re still sold on this one.

Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan

Always good to see Khan! And while we’re distracted for a minute by the Enterprise firing on Regula I for some reason and by the people popping out of Khan’s pants, this is otherwise a very captivating image with slightly more readable text than its title card!

Star Trek III: The Search for Spock

We are STILL confused by this one. For one, the color contrast is all a little samey and hard to really find focus on. But we have been debating who those figures at the bottom are supposed to be and coming up blanker than Spock’s memory.

Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home

Extra points for featuring the whole crew on the poster for a change! With its bold colors, eye-catching landmark, and way better tagline than the official one, this all really works for us! Now if it also had some whales, it’d basically be perfect.

Star Trek V: The Final Frontier

I’d place this one fairly in the middle of the impressions overall. It’s definitely got movement (maybe too much movement?) and it knows how to make a “V” in many different ways! Is the tagline “Adventure and Imagination Will Meet at the Final Frontier” even worse than the official one? You decide.

Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country

Y’all like the “Praxis Effect” explosion? Cuz this poster got you a whole bunch of Praxis Effect explosions! It’s definitely solid, with some great contrasts in colors, placement of text, and a very foreboding General Chang.

Star Trek: Generations

Yawnfest. The colors are so muted and dreamy that we just want to go to sleep. Where’s the intrigue in this poster? All we glean from it is that Kirk and Picard are both in the movie, and frankly, that’s not enough. Well, it is enough if we’re being realistic here, but not for a poster!

Star Trek: First Contact

If you put some Borg stuff on a poster, people will see it. So kudos to the artist for really giving us exactly what we like from this movie: Picard, Data, resistance being futile, and a real sense of tension. This poster tells me they know their audience, possibly by assimilation.

Star Trek: Insurrection

There was some love and some meh in our discussion of this one. It’s the first one without any crew member faces, for what that’s worth. And do we really care about this Amadeus-style space face? No really? Do we? Read our favorites and least favorites below to find out where this one falls!

Star Trek: Nemesis

Another love/hate relationship with this poster: some of us love it and some of us hate it. The green wispy stuff is nice and the font is way better. Shinzon looks intriguing AF, but is it enough? Do we really need Data and Picard or would just Shinzon be better? AND WHERE’S OUR DAMN SHIP?

Star Trek (2009)

While all the newer movies each have about ten posters each, this is the main theatrical one and it’s super boring. Once you figure out what you’re looking at (oh, it’s the ship!), you come to accept that the marketers know that all they need to do is say it’s Star Trek and people will see it no matter what. And sadly, they’re right.

Star Trek: Into Darkness

This movie’s main poster is… fine, I guess. That’s all.

Star Trek: Beyond

At least Beyond makes for a pretty poster. It strikes me as very classic sci-fi and I can’t put my finger on why. But we appreciate the colors and the clouds and the upward movement of the thing. There’s something pretty and optimistic and futurey about this one that strikes us as very Star Trek.

—

As often happens with us, we’ve got some disagreement in our top and bottom poster lists, with some falling on both sides as tends to happen. Where do you fall on judging our collection of vintage movie posters?

Favorites:

Beyond and Nemesis: Honorable mentions Insurrection: Chris The Motion Picture: Jake The Voyage Home: Ames and Caitlin

Least Favorites:

Insurrection and The Search for Spock: Honorable mentions Nemesis: Caitlin Generations: Jake Star Trek (2009): Ames and Chris

—

Alternate Posters:

And since the movies all had alternate posters (some with an absolute ton of them!), here’s a whole bunch of extras that we don’t have room in this blogpost to discuss! Want to see them higher res? Scroll through them all in google drive here (organize alphabetically if it doesn’t do it automatically)!

—

We’re still getting through the movie-marketing machine, so come back next week as we judge the Trek films some more! Keep following along with our coverage of Star Trek: Voyager on SoundCloud, friend us on Facebook and Twitter, and seriously tell us who the hell you think is in the poster for The Search for Spock!

#star trek #star trek movies #movie posters #podcast #star trek podcast #the motion picture #the wrath of khan #the search for spock #the voyage home #the final frontier #the undiscovered country #generations #first contact #insurrection #nemesis #star trek 2009 #into darkness #beyond

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generallybarzy · 3 years

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hey there, stranger. v

one, two, three, four

an: originally, I was going to end the story after part iv. That was as far as I had planned it and it felt like the perfect end, but everyone loved it so much (thank you all for your feedback, especially @fallinallincurls ily 🥺) and expressed their need to see where mat and mc go in their relationship, so back by popular demand is “hey there, stranger”! I’m sorry if things aren’t as fluffy as usual, but i promise i’ll only break your hearts a bit. I was in a mood when planning, and I have some tough things coming ahead. I'm trying to make this as realistic as possible, so I'm also basing it on irl experiences I've had and I'm digging a little deeper into mc's backstory. This is definitely going to turn into a little bit more than the comfort fluffy fic I originally planned it to be. Its gonna be a lot more complex than that. As always, feedback and commentary is appreciated!!! I don't have a Thanksgiving themed blurb written like I wanted to, so hopefully this'll hold you over until Smile Like Sunshine comes out 😌

word count: 3k

the playlist :)

Two months.

You blinked.

It had been two months since Rebecca Seidenberg set you up with her husband’s young teammate. It had been two months since you sat in that coffee shop in the cool mid-September and watched with stars in your eyes as Mat first approached your table as a stranger. It had been two months since you started texting each other nonstop, with the occasional date between his games and practices and your class and work. How had two months passed already? How had things gone so fast? Ended up here? Why does this already feel so intense? Why does it scare you so much?

Your eyes opened.

You could feel the bed dip beside you as Mat rolled over, his nose in your hair, his arm slung around your waist, and you turned to gaze at him in all his beauty. He was still fast asleep, his breaths coming in little puffs of air against your face, his lips turned up at one corner in a tiny, content smile, and his hair looking especially fluffy and soft this morning, falling in delicate waves over his forehead and tickling your skin as the pale morning light shone in his window. It was a look that would have made you smile.

But not this morning.

Your heartbeat sped up as you untangled yourself from him as quickly and delicately as you could, needing to feel your own limbs separate from his, needing space, space, more space. You slipped away from his skin, your cheeks red and your head spinning and your heart pounding. You stepped back from the bed, watching his sleeping face as the arm that had been around you found its place around a pillow instead, pulling it closer. After a few seconds to make sure he wouldn't wake up yet, you searched his room frantically for where your clothes had been set the night before, tripping over his own things and cursing him for being so messy, even though it was cute in a boyish, Mat kinda way.

You glanced back at him in bed, his hair haloed out on the pillow, a dark contrast to the soft white duvet and pillow cases, his skin looking warm and kissable. You thought about waking him up for a moment, but you didn’t want that. You didn’t want him to see you leave. You didn’t want him to beg you to stay.

The kiss was lingering in the air, your bodies warm and flush despite the cold mid-November air, as Mat mumbled against your lips. "Stay the night?"

"Mat, I-" You had class in the morning, he had practice in the morning, you were too afraid to be that close and that intimate and that vulnerable with anybody ever, let alone this early in a relationship. But how could you voice that?

"I'll set an alarm." His eyes- warm and golden and searching gently- scanned over your face, looking for any sign you weren't okay but missing the obvious one completely. He was always so soft in his questions. So polite, so patient, so oblivious. You couldn't say no to him.

"Okay."

A familiar smile tugged his lips up, a boyish, giddy grin that had you smiling as well. He was just too cute. He leaned down to press another kiss, chaste and delicate, against your lips. The feeling was something new, something that would take a while to get used to. He laced his fingers through yours.

"So, our first sleepover, huh?"

You pulled your leggings on as fast as you could and gathered up your belongings, stumbling out his bedroom door quietly, hoping he was still fast asleep in bed and had no idea you ran out this early. Finally taking the time to glance at your phone, you noticed it was 5:48am, still 4 hours until your first class of the day. You had been awake all night, you were sure, and had left the moment you saw the sun peak over the horizon.

You couldn’t explain exactly why you were leaving so soon, so frantically, but something inside of you was begging you to run. From Mat, from his apartment, from this building. Back to where you were familiar and comfortable and safe. Safe, safe, safe. As much as you hated it, you still couldn’t feel safe in anybody’s arms, not even Mat’s. Not even when you craved so desperately to be loved by him and to love him back. Your heart and body craved his touch, his skin, his warmth, but your brain rejected it. You didn’t feel safe yet. You still couldn’t hold Mat or be held by Mat without thinking of him.

You glanced around Mat’s apartment as you finally closed his bedroom door behind you, your mind drifting to the night before.

“So,” He laughed nervously and dropped his hand to rub the back of his neck as he opened the door. He was just a bit shy to show you around, his cheeks going pink, despite the ever-present grin that told you just how happy he was to have you here with him. Shyness was cute on him. “So this is my place.”

The door swung open and he let you step in before him, taking in your new surroundings. Your boyfriend’s place. It wasn’t dirty at all. In fact, it was cleaner than you expected for a young, rich bachelor like him, but it was obvious he hadn’t lived on his own before, and was used to just letting it all out. Not used to having visitors. Any girls he brought home would be too caught up in the fact that he was hot and successful to care if he had some socks on the floor or some dishes in the sink. But under the hint of boyish mess, it was obvious this apartment was expensive. You knew from the second you stepped inside the apartment building that you would never be able to afford a place like this, but seeing it now… all the way from how spacious it was and beautiful the light color scheme was to the pale floorboards to the white marble of the island countertops to the huge windows looking out into the million dollar view of the city. Few people in New York City could afford a view like this.

“Wow.”

“You think?”

“Are you kidding?” You looked back at him, at the dumb modest smile on his face. “Mat, I will never, ever in my life be able to afford this. And you have this place all by yourself at twenty-two?” He just shrugged, finally shutting the door behind him and taking your bag off your shoulder, setting it on the countertop. “It’s so pretty.”

“I mean, I didn’t decorate it. I flew my mom in to help. That’s all her.”

It made you smile, the thought of such a big-time NHL player flying his mom across the continent just so she could help him decorate his place. It was always a good sign to see someone with such a healthy family relationship. It was so intimate and beautiful to get to see this side of Mat. This was his home. This was where he fell asleep, woke up, brushed his teeth, ate breakfast, sat on the couch to watch TV. This was his private life. And now you were in on it.

“It’s not that amazing, anyway. It’s big and expensive, but that’s no fun if I’m all alone.” His eyes caught yours, his fingers found their way back between yours. “How about we… recreate earlier tonight? Maybe watch The Office like you mentioned the other week?”

Your breath caught in the throat, but you squeezed his hand. “We can do that.”

You could kick yourself now, for giving in so easily. You wanted to hug him and kiss him and hold him, but another part of your head was so scared to jump in so fast, that you almost said no. You almost said no, but how could you follow him the whole way to his apartment, kiss him, tease him like that, and then deny him anything else? How could you say no? You cast a glance towards the couch that you had spent so much time on the night before, curled up in Mat’s arms, unbelievably tense and nervous and awkward. There was no way it had been enjoyable for him. It certainly wasn’t for you.

With your heart aching and needy, you gave one last glance back through his apartment, listening carefully to see if you could hear any soft snores from his bedroom- you couldn’t- before slipping on your shoes and slipping into the hallway, locking the door behind you so that you couldn’t even get back in if you changed your mind.

You were torn.

Mat arms were curled around your waist, your back was pressed against his chest as you snuggled under the blanket and watched all the shenanigans the characters were going through in The Office. If you could even call this snuggling. You couldn’t help how tense you were and how hard your heart was beating.

“You comfy?” Mat’s nose pressed to the top of your head, squeezing you lightly. He must have noticed.

“Sorry, just not used to this.”

“Well, you better get used to it.” He laughed a little bit and you smiled too. As nervous as you were, you couldn’t deny how nice it felt to finally have someone to hold again, even if you might end up hurt in the end. “Would you be more comfy if you took your bra off?”

You almost choked on your own spit. "What?"

"I mean, I'm not gonna make you take it off, and I don't know what it’s like to wear one, but from what I’ve heard, there's no way it’s comfortable to sleep in."

"Well, I don't want my boobs pressed all over you."

"I want that." His cheeks went a little pink and his eyes widened. He shook his head and laughed, brushing off what he just admitted. "No no no that’s not what I meant. Sorry, I just want you to be comfy. I want you to feel at home around me."

“Hmm, I do feel at home around you.”

“Good.” His lips found your forehead, an action that was starting to feel more and more natural after your very first kiss earlier that night. You were just beginning to relax some more when the episode finished and Netflix asked you for the third time that night “Are You Still Watching?”. You hand found Mat’s arm and you shifted to roll over and face him, smiling up at his face when your hair tickled his nose. “Hey there, baby.”

“Hey.”

“Think it’s time to go to bed?”

You couldn’t explain it. You couldn’t explain why you felt this way, You had complained for months about how lonely you were, how dating never went well for you, but the moment you met Mat, you refused to believe it. Mat was amazing. You’d never felt this much, this soon about anyone else in your life. Only once had the feelings gotten so near to this intensity, and you could still remember how painful it turned out. It still haunts you every day, no matter how much you tried to escape it. Mat was so perfect to you, too perfect to you, that there was no way this was real. Nothing is this perfect. Nothing was this easy and flawless and simple. Things didn’t just fall into place like this. Not for you. So as you lay in Mat’s bed that night, his arm around your waist and his breath warm against your head, not even realizing what had slipped from his lips in his half-asleep daze, you realized: this was way moving too fast. Mat was going way too fast, and you weren’t there yet.

You came to regret your decision to leave so soon before you even made it down to the front door of his apartment building, and a few minutes later you found yourself in the back of a Taxi, gazing wistfully at Mat’s contact number and knowing he was still blissfully asleep, thinking you were still in his arms.

And as you drove away, Mat was waking up in bed alone, like always, and wondering what he had done wrong.

---

You moved almost like a zombie through your first classes of the day, luckily you could just go home and read the textbooks and pretty much understand the whole lecture, and the first time you spoke was when you went out for lunch with your roommate and best friend. She found you in the popular campus coffee shop, your forehead down on the table and your hair a mess, your backpack of textbooks tossed haphazardly on the floor beside you. “Woah, girl, rough night?”

“Fuck.”

“Can I take a guess and say it has to do with this perfect guy you’ve been seeing?”

“Ugh, Maggie……”

“I’ll take that as a yes.” She sat down across from you as you finally lifted your head, only to slump back in the booth, still dwelling on the thought of what had happened the night before. “So, tell me what’s up.”

“Well, I’m running on zero sleep right now.”

“Shit, did you sleep together last night?”

“No, no! Girl, you know me better than that.” She held up her hands in mock surrender.

“Hey, he sounds so perfect, I would have sucked his dick by now.” You laughed at her antics, always one to make you smile. “Well, then what happened?”

“We just… I told you we were babysitting together, right? We… walked to his place afterwards and…. We kissed.” She squealed for you across the table, but you continued on. “I stayed at his place all night. We just… cuddled and watched The Office.”

“You’re dead-ass living the dream!! Why do you look so down???”

“Well, he uhhh…” Your memory from last night flooded back to you.

You were curled up in his bed, his intoxicating scent surrounding you, his big arms engulfing you, his big Islanders hoodie swallowing you up. You were so overwhelmed by him all around you, but overwhelmed in the best way possible. His arms were around your waist, one of your was slung over his waist while the other stroked his dark hair away from his face. He smiled at you, half-asleep, and hummed in content. “I like when you touch my hair. S’cozy.”

“I like touching your hair. It’s really soft.”

“Mmmm.” You could see the snow falling against the window, and snuggled further into his arms. For the first time since you started cuddling, you felt truly safe and warm and cared for. Like he was the first man to ever care about you like this. His hand was big and warm on the small of your back, pulling you into him so gently, so easily, but for once you weren’t afraid of the contact. Like all the hesitation you had, all the walls you had built up had crumbled down for him. You were both drifting off to sleep when a tiny mumble filled your ears, barely comprehensible as it tumbled from the dreaming man’s lips.

“I love you...”

“Oh shit, (Y/N).”

“I know it’s bad.” You felt guilty, thinking back now, but Maggie knew your history, so hopefully she’d understand. “I feel shitty about it, but I panicked. I didn’t get any sleep. And ran off this morning and I haven’t answered any texts from him since then.”

“Okay, that’s okay. You don’t need to be sorry for being uncomfortable when your boundaries are overstepped. But you gotta communicate those boundaries with him. And what he said, that’s a big deal, okay? Especially this early. So I get why you feel it's going too fast. It’s definitely something you definitely have to talk about. I get why you freaked out, but ignoring him isn’t going to make it better. He sounds like a genuine guy who means good but is just… a little too much for you. You just gotta talk it out.”

You opened your phone to the messages he sent over the last few hours since you left, and only felt worse and worse.

maty: “where’d you go??”

maty: “what’s wrong??”

maty: “ohhh you probably have class?”

maty: “you should’ve woken me up, I would have taken you, i had to get up for practice anyway”

maty: "i don't like waking up alone."

maty: “are we hanging later on??”

maty: “i was late for practice, trotz is gonna kill me haha”

maty: “are you there??”

maty: “baby?????”

maty: "what did i do???"

His hurt was evident in each message, and it made you feel like shit to read it, but your friend was right. You needed to talk. “Thank you.”

“Anytime, girl. All I want is to see you happy with the guy you’re with. This guy seems like a keeper.” You smiled, and before you could continue on, she smiled. “One more question: Is he an Islanders fan?”

You shook your head, confused as to what made her ask and smiled internally to yourself slightly at the little fact about him that you had kept secret. “Why do you ask?”

“Well, cause I know you’re not really into sports, so who’s hoodie is that?”

You glanced down curiously and realized that, in your frantic rush to get dressed, you had forgotten that the hoodie you had worn to bed the night before wasn’t yours. No, it was much too big to be yours. The familiar blue with “Islanders Hockey” across the chest was a dead giveaway that you had accidentally stolen Mathew’s hoodie.

“Oh,” you fumbled and reached up to play with the strings. “Yeah, he’s a fan.”

Your friend just smiled and gave you once last look before urging you with one last whisper of “text him” and stood up to leave the table. After a long, deep breath, you picked up your phone with shaky hands, pressed his contact and typed out the words that scared you so much, watching the typing bubbles appear.

you: “Can we talk?”

maty: . . .

#hey there stranger #mat barzal #mat barzal x reader #mat barzal fanfiction #mathew barzal #nhl fanfiction #op #fic

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harrytheehottie · 3 years

Text

HOLD MY HAND PART ELEVEN

A/N: hiiii! this is the last one before the epilogue and a key part that ive been dying to share for so long! i'll wait to get sappy until the next update but im truly so grateful for everyone that reads/engages with this little fictional world ive created! huge thank you to anna for encouraging me throughout this entire process @for-fucks-sake-h 💘 id love to know your thoughts! enjoyyyyy x

⭐️ catch up here ⭐️ masterlist ⭐️ tell me your thoughts

Harry and I were in a bit of a routine now, I was spending the night at his house more than my own. Our early mornings before the studio were my favorite, the sun coming in through the canyon, our legs tangled under sheets, whispers of not wanting to get up and hands never wanting to stop exploring each other's bodies.

Last night, Harry got wrapped up at Kid’s house, they were working at his home studio. It was the first night in weeks that I had gone back to my apartment,

“I’m surprised you even remembered how to get back here?” Alison immediately joked as I walked through the front door.

“Funny,” I deadpanned before taking a seat next to her in the living room.

“How’s the new boyfriend? Not getting bored yet?”

“Unfortunately not, he’s just wrapped up in work and thought it would be nice to have some time apart.” “Let’s see if you last 24 hours,” Alison says almost immediately just as I shove her a little and break out into a fit of laughter.

It felt good to have a relationship that I didn’t have to hide from the people close to me. I didn’t have to lie and spend time trying to get the story to make sense. Harry and I could be together in front of the people that meant the most to both of us without anything lingering over us.

I woke up to a text from Harry to meet him at the studio at noon. When I called him as soon as I read the message, he didn’t pick up just sending me another.

Studio at noon. I’m not saying anything more x

I roll my eyes at his message and start to get ready for whatever he had in store because knowing Harry, he could never do anything ordinary. March in Los Angeles can be chilly, so I put on a white sweater and a pair of bright orange leather pants. On my drive to the studio, I think about all the things that got us to this moment. I’ve made this drive countless times and it always brings me back into the small moments with Harry, the first time he drove down PCH with me in the car, the blue skies reflecting off the Malibu water, a sense of calm washing over us. It took awhile to get to this place but I’m so glad we are here.

I walk into the building and all the lights are off, tealights littered throughout the lobby leading me into the studio room. I immediately feel nervous, a good kind of nervous like whatever has planned for me is giving me immediate butterflies.

“What’s all this?” I ask as soon as I spot Harry in the studio room, like the lobby and the hallway, the room is littered with candles. Harry was sitting on the sofa, he was wearing a multi-colored cardigan, the red I’d love to fellate George Harrison shirt I sourced from Alison’s store with a pair of light blue jeans and his new found attachment, the gray grandpa hat I loved to hate. His brown hair was peaking through the sides of the hat, a shy smile on his face and the facial hair he was working on growing out looking thicker than the last time you saw him, maybe it was the lighting. Harry moves off the sofa and walks through the pathway of candles, meeting you in the middle of the room.

“You look amazing,” Harry says, his thumb grazing over my lips before leaning in for a kiss.

“What’s going on?” I ask again and watch Harry ignore my question as he raises his eyebrows and tries to contain his smile. He reaches behind me and hands me over a pair of headphones.

“I want you to hear this song I’ve been working on.”

I grab the headphones from him and place them over my ears and watch Harry do the same with the pair in his hands. A rush of nerves fell over me. “I don’t see how I would be much help in this case, I work here but I have no experience making music, Harry.”

Harry laughs slowly, “Would you tell me if you hated it?”

“Depends on how you were reacting to it first,” I say.

“Just put these on and we’ll react together?” Harry asks with a shy smile appearing on his face.

I nod my head and within seconds the song is playing through my headphones it feels like a version of silent disco. Harry is watching me a smile permanently inked on his face as soon as the first notes of the song start playing,

Walk in your rainbow paradise (paradise)

Strawberry lipstick state of mind (state of mind)

I get so lost inside your eyes

Would you believe it?

Harry hasn’t moved his eyes from mine, his arms still touching my forearm as we begin to sway to the music. I feel a rush of butterflies in the pit of my stomach, there is something about Harry choosing me to be the first person to hear this song with him.

You don't have to say you love me

You don't have to say nothing

You don't have to say you're mine

Harry moves our bodies to the beat of the music now keeping me wrapped in his arms. The song continues to play and I wonder if the smile on his face means something more, the small kisses at the top of my hairline and if I move my hand on his chest a little over to the right I can feel his rapid heart beat as the song keeps playing. He is watching my every reaction, moving his hands around me from my chin to my sides, holding hands for a bit and then repeating.

Honey

I’d walk through fire for you

Just let me adore you

Oh, honey

I’d walk through fire for you

Just let me adore you

Like it’s the only thing I’ll ever do

You’re wonder under, summer skies

Brown skin and lemon over ice

Would you believe it?

I take the headphones off, overwhelmed with my emotion over the lyrics, Harry does the same. “It’s a happy song, I don’t know why I’m so emotional,” I try to laugh it off and bring myself back down. Harry wipes away the tear that seems to be forming.

“I wrote this song for you, it’s always been you Sofia. I’m not saying this because I want you to say it too. I’m saying this because I want you to know it.” He takes my hands in his and leaves a kiss on each of my knuckles, never losing eye contact. I can feel it coming, I know what he is going to say and he knows it too. It’s taken me a long time to be able to allow myself to feel this way about someone and even if I don’t have the words to express it yet, I know Harry will wait for me. “Sofia, I love you and this song is my way of showing it to you, forever immortalized on my album if you’d let me.”

I’m overwhelmed with emotion and on instinct I move my head up towards his and connect our lips. He molds into me, perfectly, like we were always supposed to share this kiss in this moment after he showed me that song. We stay like that in the middle of the room where our story first began. “I wish I could bottle up this feeling and keep it by my side at all times,” I mumble between kisses.

“Funny that’s the same thing I thought to myself last night,” Harry whispers as I feel his mouth pull into his cheeky smile.

“You’re such a boy ruining an intimate moment,” I rolled my eyes as we both burst into laughter.

He brings me closer again, our chests touching, eyes still on each other, the tears he successfully fought back ever present on his face, mine still streaming down my face.

Harry cups my face and says, “I love you.” His lips meet mine once again as he moves around my face, up the chin, at the top of the forehead, the tip of my nose and then back to my lips again.

“Harry, I can’t…” I was struggling to say those words back to him and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. I like him a lot and want to spend every waking second with him but love was a big word.

“I’m not going anywhere, I’m here forever as long as you’ll have me. I’ll wait, I just couldn’t wait any longer, knew I needed to show you this song and say it. When you find the words, I’ll be here.” He says matter of factly, not a tone changed in his voice, he’s here and he means it.

This is my Harry, no tabloid or internet troll can take that away from me. I know his life is complicated and I am willing to be there for it just like I know he is willing to be there for me.

“You know I’ve always wanted to christen the studio,” I smirk at him looking around at all the candles, the perfectly empty sofa and given the circumstances, I knew Harry made sure we were going to be the only people in the studio tonight.

Harry pulls away for a moment. “Then what are we waiting for?” He says before leaning back in for another kiss this one deeper, like all his emotion, words and love is coming with it. He is telling me in all the ways he knows - with his words, through music and now, with his body - that I was it for him.

We were it for each other.

Harry is back in London.

I knew Harry would have to leave LA eventually, he had meetings in London and an event at the end of March in New York. The time difference made it hard at first, Harry would be having lunch when I was just getting up to start my day and I would be driving home from work while Harry was settling in for the night. We figured out a way to make it work alternating scheduling on who will wake up early or stay up later.

I get a Facetime call on my drive back home from work just as I’m approaching a red light, the voice of Google Maps cutting off and being replaced by Harry. He's wearing too many layers for what a March in London would require, a plain black hoodie, a black beanie, a parka and sunglasses. The noise of the busy streets in London is the first thing I hear as I pick up the phone.

“Couldn’t wait to get home to call me?” I say, Harry keeps his phone low paying more attention to the walk he was on then the screen on his phone. He smiles back at me, I’m never going to get sick of that.

“I was just thinking of you,” Harry stops in his tracks and just looks at me as I drive, the same thing he would be doing if he was physically here with me. “I miss you Sof.”

“I miss you too Harry but it won’t be long until you’re back. Philly, New York then home right?” I ask reaffirming his schedule that we’ve gone over a multitudes of time

“Yes, home. I can’t wait to be home.”

“How was your day?” I ask and Harry begins rambling as he continues to walk his North London neighborhood and I continue my drive back home.

He called LA his home.

“I know you’re probably wondering why I asked you to lunch today,” Jeff said after the waiter placed our respective lattes on our table.

Jeff extended an invite to a Beverly Hills favorite of his, a deli tucked in the corner of the admittedly overly extravagant Rodeo Drive. The invitation wasn’t a surprise, Harry had slipped up in one of your calls that Jeff would be asking me to lunch, he wouldn’t say why immediately pivoting the conversation back to something else. So, when I got the text a few days later from Jeff asking to meet, I happily said yes.

“Thought you were just extending a thank you for keeping Harry occupied,” I say before reaching for a sip of the hot oat milk latte that was the perfect answer for this cool March morning.

“I don’t think I could buy you enough lunches to make up for that,” Jeff joked.

It’s amazing how quickly people can become some sort of constant in your life and Harry, Jeff and all their friends were a very clear example of that. Inviting me in with open arms and making me feel like I was more than Harry’s girlfriend.

“I just wanted to talk to you about this,” he leans back in his chair and vaguely points around the table.

I can feel where this conversation is heading and for once, I’m not dreading it.

“I’m sure you’ve already had these conversations with Harry but I can give you a bit more of a different perspective as someone that came into Harry’s life when it was at an all time high. I’m not saying any of this to scare you.”

“You’re not scaring me, perspective is good,” I interrupt. I know this conversation is coming from a good place. Harry and I have had these talks about his career and what it entails. It wasn’t a sexy conversation to have with my new boyfriend but it was necessary.

Jeff nods before continuing, “The way Harry talks about you and acts around you is something I haven’t seen in him in a long time and this life unfortunately will do everything in its power to tear that away from him. People will try to undermine your achievements, don’t feed into it. Communicate your feelings, if something is bothering you let him know, he can handle it. We all really like you and selfishly want this to work out.”

“Well,” I take a moment trying to get my thoughts together, “I better write all that down to tell my therapist on Monday.” And I’m met with laughter from Jeff.

I was glad that the people in Harry’s life saw me as more than an extension of him. I was someone they were growing to love and admire and the feelings were mutual.

Harry was coming back from his trip to the east coast and I spent the night at his house. I was filled with this slightly unfamiliar feeling of giddiness. It wasn’t like this was my first time seeing Harry but the feelings were completely different this time around.

I was ready to say I love you and I conjured a plan as to how. After a few talks with Alison about what I can give to Harry since he wrote me a song and we came up with the idea of a puzzle that simply states I LOVE YOU. It was cliche, obviously and probably a tad corny but it was perfect for us. Harry was a part of my puzzle just like I was a part of his.

As soon as I heard a car up the driveway and a slam of a car door, I got up from my seat on the couch and picked up the box. The front door opens before I get the chance to make it halfway through the kitchen, someone’s eager, I think to myself before I’m met with my boyfriend in his comfiest attire and my favorite, a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie.

“I have a surprise for you!” I say immediately.

“Seeing you’re fully clothed I’m assuming it wasn’t the surprise I was hoping for,” he said closing the gap between us his lips meeting mine after weeks apart.

“Keep up that attitude and you’ll be lucky if I even touch you again.”

“Now that’s just torturous,” Harry grabs the box from my hands as we start walking to the living room. “Haven’t done a puzzle in ages don’t think I have the attention span for it anymore.”

“You’ve got about two minutes to figure it out because I’m not helping.”

Harry looks at me with wide eyes, “and why is that?”

“It’s a surprise for you, you have to do it. I’m not saying anymore.” I tease him with the same words he wrote in a text to me before the studio. He pushes his eyebrows together and we both take our seats opposite each other.

I watch Harry dump all the pieces from the box on the coffee table in front of us. His eyes are still puffy from the lack of sleep and the twelve hour travel day but his eagerness to know what the puzzle says takes over his desire to go straight to bed.

“S’not fair that you’re just going to watch me and not help,” Harry pouts as he begins to sort out the corners of the puzzle.

“The whole point of this is for you to do it on your own,” I roll my eyes as I lean against the couch to get into a more comfortable position.

Harry waves me off and continues trying to put the pieces together. I wonder if this is how he felt when he asked me to come to the studio, my heart is racing and I feel a permanent smile glued to my face. I’m trying not to be obvious but I don’t think I’m doing a very good job. Harry looks up at me periodically with the same smirk he always has. He gets all the corner pieces and works his way inward, the puzzle is pale blue background with light pink lettering and Harry has made it a point to remind me that “puzzles are harder when the background is all the same” which was my point.

I watch him work from left to right. The letter I first appears and he locks eyes with me, not saying a word as we both begin to smile. I’ve never seen Harry’s eyes and hands move faster. He is so fixated on finding out what the rest of the puzzle says. I can feel the butterflies through his movements and before I can try to read him to see if the same butterflies are running through him he gets to LO.

“Sofia,” Harry says as his eyes go wide and

“Harry.”

He moves back to the puzzle this time faster, no longer slowly combing through the pieces but actively looking for the remaining letters, he finds the V and looks up at me, his green eyes appearing blue from where the sun is hitting him. The E comes shortly after, he moved the hoodie from his head and shifted positions, moving his legs from their criss-cross position to a kneel. His eyes shifting between mine and the puzzle between us. I feel like I could see his brain moving, he knew what was coming.

And right when YOU comes into place, Harry stays in his spot scanning the puzzle once more to make sure he is reading it correctly.

“I love you Harry,” and just as fast as the words leave my mouth Harry moves from the other side of the table to in front of me, his hands cupping my face and lips meeting mine immediately.

“I love you, I love you, I love you,” he repeats over and over again through every kiss.

I pull away first, taking in his face and this moment with him. He’s practically sitting on top of me, his legs slotted over mine and I hold his face brushing his hair back, Harry keeps his hands on my face. If the moment at the studio was a marker of forever for Harry, this was mine.

“I wanted to do something for you since you wrote me a song. A puzzle seemed fitting,” I pause trying to gather the words. “You’re what I need, I’ve spent all this time on people that never saw me as an option and you always have. I love you Harry and I know that this,” I point between the two of you, “we can make it work.”

“How did I get so lucky?” Harry whispers before kissing me again.

We stay wrapped together in that spot in the living room, whispering “I love you’s” through permanent smiles. Through these moments we share, wrapped in each other’s arms in Harry’s house tucked away in the canyons of Los Angeles, I finally am at peace. At peace with myself, with the love I allowed into my life. I no longer had to sit and second guess every interaction because we’re solid. It’s me and Harry, and everything else that finds its way to us will eventually fall into place.

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just want to say a huge thank you to everyone that has read this story the last 3 (!!!) months that ive been writing it. ive always wanted to do a series and this was a huge step for me and im so so grateful. we still have one more but the emo train will continue forever... and thank you for nominating my characters for 1d craft awards, you can vote here <3

tag list: @dontgiveupthedayjob @marianapereira @oh-honey-styles @live-at-the-forum @nothingbut-myachingsoul @bumbershots @thatmixedlife @canyon-moan @jdcharliewhiskey @andwhenshesays @soullikestyles @iminlovewithfinnshelby

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#harry styles writing #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fic #harry styles x ofc #1dff #hmh #im so emotional!!!!

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organabanana · 3 years

Text

Leaves of three, let it be [1/?] || harlivy

Chapters: 1/?

Fandom: DCU (Comics)DCUHarley Quinn (Comics)Harley Quinn (Cartoon 2019)

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence

Relationships: Pamela Isley/Harleen Quinzel

Characters: Pamela Isley, Harleen Quinzel, Selina Kyle

Additional Tags: Mentions of alcohol, mentions of batman fucking bats, most of this is straight up idiocy tbh, i just finished watching the cartoon so everyone swears like a sailor i'm sorry, rated for (ahem) happenings later on, ivy/harley/catwoman frenemies

Series: Part 1 of the Cliché a Week 2021 series

Summary:

Aided by a terrible hangover and a severe lack of impulse control, Harley accidentally drinks an unknown substance at Ivy's apartment and suddenly remembers why Ivy goes by Poison Ivy in her professional life. Luckily for Harley, she's immune to Ivy's toxins. Unluckily for Harley, she may not be immune to her love pheromones, and turning into a human-plant hybrid is not her idea of a good time.

Telling Ivy so she can give her an antidote may seem like the obvious course of action, but there are very few things Harley hates more than disappointing Ivy with her poor decision-making skills. Besides, like Selina said, if she'd drunk pheromones she'd be in love with Ivy by now, right?

And Harley Quinn is absolutely not in love with her best friend.

Notes:

This was (loosely) inspired by Prompt #1104 by @promptsforthestrugglingauthor: “Hey, do you know if potions expire?” “I think it depends on the potion. Why?” “Well, I was really hungover this morning and grabbed the wrong glass and I feel super weird right now.” And "Everyone knows they’re dating except them” from the Cliché A Week Challenge by @montocalypse. The plan is for this to be 4-5 chapters at most BUT I'm not ready to commit to a number just yet so we'll see how that goes!

[ao3 link]

Harley wakes up with a pounding headache that makes her wonder if someone stole her bat and tried to crack her skull with it last night.

"Ughhh..." she groans, squeezing her eyes shut. Her mouth feels like sandpaper. Her throat feels like... like sandpaper. Listen: she's not in any kind of mood for elaborate, imaginative similes right now. Everything is pain and/or sandpaper. Deal with it.

"Fuck me." It comes out in a whiny, pathetic little voice, and Harley is almost more pissed off about that than about the hangover itself. Where is she, anyway? She forces herself to sort of... perceive the world around her without moving a muscle or opening her eyes, which may not be the best approach but it works anyway because she totally knows Ive's apartment by smell.

As friends do.

Once that's settled, and she knows she's in fact safe (how could she not be? She's at Ivy's!) Harley moves her right hand and feels around for the bedside table, but apparently she didn't climb into her usual side of the bed (friends have sides of their friends' beds, obviously) because what she feels on her right side is soft and warm and definitely not a bedside table.

"Sorry." She mumbles, affectionately patting Ivy's ass before turning over to the other side and trying again. She does find a table this time, and she nearly cries in relief when she finds a little water bottle waiting for her parched lips to drink.

Score.

It's only when she's downed the whole thing that she realizes two things:

One, that did not taste like water.

And two, there is a reason Pam goes professionally by Poison Ivy.

"Shit," Harley stage-whispers, blue eyes now wide open as she stares at the empty bottle in her hand, "shit, shit, shit."

Harley knows she's not dying. She knows she's immune to toxins, and she's cuddled the fuck out of Ivy (as friends do) on enough occasions to know she doesn't break out in hives at Ivy's touch. But the thing about Ivy is, she's kind of an overachiever. There aren't just toxins to worry about. Harley could be about to turn into a fern or something, and nobody could do anything to prevent it.

Well, except Pam.

But you know what? Considering the kind of mood Ivy gets in when Harley makes a less than stellar choice, she's gonna risk turning into a plant rather than waking her up.

"Morning, sunshine." Selina walks -- nay, prances -- into the bedroom looking flawless as always, which is pretty fucking unfair considering her presence at Ivy's can only mean she was there for whatever hangover-causing shenanigans they all happened to get into last night. But of course, Selina Kyle is above looking like shit while hungover.

" Selina ," Harley all but hisses (which is fitting, considering Selina's... you know), showing her the empty bottle, "I fucked up."

"When do you not fuck up, Harley?" It comes off as both smug and somehow charming, which is, again, pretty fucking unfair. "What did you do this time?"

Harley shows her the empty bottle once again, shaking it slightly like she cannot believe Selina isn't getting the gravity of the situation right away.

"What? I don't get it-- ohh ." Selina lets out a quiet chuckle that sounds almost like a purr. "Yeah, you fucked up."

"Dammit, Selina! What if I turn into a fucking succulent?"

"Oh come on, don't be dramatic. What color was it?"

Harley stares at her. "Don't you think I'd have known not to drink it if I'd looked at it?"

"I mean, I tend to assume people look at things before putting them in their mouth. But you did fuck Joker, so..."

"Hurtful." A beat. "Fair, yes, but still. Hurtful."

As if on cue, Ivy rolls over in her sleep, draping her arm across Harley's lap. Harley smiles, momentarily forgetting the bottle and its contents and the potential result of her having drunk them, because Ivy is just such a good friend. Protecting her from Selina's... well. Selina-ness even in her sleep.

"You guys need some privacy?"

Harley doesn't stop gently tracing the vines on the back of Ivy's hand, but she does look away from soft green skin to shoot Selina a teasing look. "Aw, does someone need scritches? Here, pussy pussy..."

Selina rolls her eyes. "Fine. Turn into a fucking sequoia for all I care. At least you'll be good for climbing."

The soft movements of Harley's fingers stop as Selina's words fully sink in. "Wh- what?" Harley's voice sounds a bit deflated, like one of those sad clown balloons after a sad balloon fart.

"I'm just saying. Pheromones and chill forever as a human-tree abomination? Kind of her signature move."

Harley just stares at Selina, horrified at the prospect of spending the rest of her life as a brain-dead tree and trying (and failing) to come up with a plausible reason why there is no way Ivy's pheromones were in that bottle.

"Anyway!" Selina sighs, stretching her arms up over her head. "I should get going. I have cats to feed."

"Wait. Wait!" Harley stage-whispers, and she's suddenly extremely thankful for Ivy sleeping like a log.

Heh. Like a log .

"You can't leave me, Selina! What if you're right?"

"Oh, come on, kitten," Selina says over her shoulder, already on the way to the door, "if it was pheromones you'd be in love with her by now."

The sound of the door slamming shut behind Selina is enough to finally wake Ivy, and Harley feels her best friend's arms tighten around her as Ivy stretches awake.

"Mmmhey, Harls." Ivy mumbles, voice rough and heavy with sleep as she moves even closer to Harley.

Normally, Harley would've just sunk back into the most comfortable bed ever (there's a reason she rarely sleeps in her own!) and gone in for a round of lazy morning cuddles. She'd have basked in the smell of Ivy in the morning (freshly cut grass sparkling with dew drops) which is so different from the floral notes of Ivy at any other time of the day. She'd have pressed a kiss or two to Ivy's warm skin, felt her lips tingle with the sweet taste of a poison she's very much immune to, and maybe even fallen back to sleep listening to Ivy's heartbeat and the soft rhythm of her breaths.

You know. As friends do.

But today, thanks to Selina (the fact that nobody forced Harley to drink that stupid bottle is irrelevant, of course), Harley can't relax. She stiffens, even, becoming virtually un-snuggable and making Ivy fully open her eyes to give her a questioning look.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, of course, Ive!" The enthusiasm is as fake as her smile, and the way Ivy's eyes narrow tells her it's been very much noticed. "Bit hungover, that's all."

It takes a couple of seconds for Ivy to speak. Like she's pondering whether to mention there's never been a hangover bad enough to keep Harley from getting her cuddle on or to just let it go for now. Harley's delighted to see the second option win in the end.

"Want me to give you something for the headache?"

"Nope!" Harley's on her feet in two seconds flat, practically jumping away from Ivy's warm body and her warm eyes and the warm offer of some nice natural drugs. "Thanks, though. You're sweet as pie, butter...fly."

"Butterfly." Ivy deadpans from the bed, looking more and more like she's mere seconds away from researching actual mental health facilities in Gotham (Arkham does not count).

"Buttercup doesn't rhyme with pie. Listen, I should go. I have so much to do. There are-- well, you know! Havoc won't wreak itself, right? Gotham needs me."

"To... wreak havoc."

" Pre cisely. Gonna wreak it real good. You know me! Won't settle for a half-wroken havoc."

"Wro... ken?"

"Oh, for sure, for sure!" What is she even saying? Harley grabs her bat and swings it a little like she's holding a purse and not a weapon, but thankfully she doesn't break anything in Ivy's room, which is great. "Text ya later, yeah?"

Ivy looks like she's struggling to even begin to process everything that's happened in the five minutes she's been awake. And honestly, Harley's grateful for it. She hasn't noticed the missing bottle, and she's not forcing Harley to stay and answer questions, so it's a win/win/win situation if you ask her. You know... other than the potential mutant tree issue.

"Okay!" Harley grins. "Good talk. Bye, Red. Love ya!"

Shit .

Harley freezes for a moment. She's told Ivy she loves her before. Of course she has! She loves Ive, and Ivy loves her. They're pretty vocal about that. But today isn't just any other day. She always loves Ivy as a friend, of course. As her best friend she adores and would absolutely kill and die for. The most important person in her life. The one person who's ever made Harley feel safe and loved and appreciated unconditionally. She loves Ivy in a way that makes her feel like her heart is a bit too big for her ribcage and sometimes it gets so crowded in there she's afraid she may pop a rib out of its socket or something, but then Ivy holds her and everything settles again.

You know. A friendly kind of love.

But does she love Ivy? Harley looks at her hands like she's expecting a few leaves to have sprouted there already.

"Harley. Seriously, are you okay?"

Ivy's voice snaps her out of her funk, and Harley knows she needs to get out before she's forced into a whole conversation about this thing.

"Peachy keen, Pam-a-lamb." Harley forces herself to walk towards the door without looking back, just in case. Just in case suddenly Ivy's surrounded by a pink fog of love, or whatever the fuck people see when they look at her while under the influence of her pheromones. I mean, she can't look even more beautiful than she does normally, right? That's not even possible. So it must be like... a heart emoji filter or something. She really doesn't want to find out. "Talk later!"

***

Harley looks at the melting cheese on her third egg sandwich like she's expecting it to hold the meaning of life. Or, at the very least, an answer to today's big conundrum. Is she or is she not turning into a tree?

And sure. Sure! She could ask Pam. This would be solved immediately, she knows. She could just ask Pam what was in the bottle and confess she's drunk it and just... put up with her mood for a while. No big deal! Except she really fucking hates disappointing Ivy, you know? When she gets all... cold and detached, and feels more like lettuce than lush tropical foliage.

Listen, trust her, okay? Sad salad buffet lettuce Ivy is just the fucking worst.

So she takes a bite of her sandwich and tells herself whatever she drank can't have been anything too dangerous. It's been a couple hours now, so she should've felt some kind of effect, right? She should be feeling a bit plant-y, at the very least. Maybe a bit nauseous or something. But she feels fine.

Well-- not fine , fine. She's still kinda rattled, but that's Selina's fault.

She's fine.

***

"Are you sure you're up for this?"

Ivy lets Selina handle the entry point (you'd think Gotham millionaires would've given up on skylights by now) and looks at Harley with a mixture of concern and distrust in her eyes. She clearly hasn't forgotten about their conversation in the morning.

"I'm fine!" Harley swings her bat around just to loosen up her bat-swinging muscles. She's fine. Not a plant, not in a love fog, not in any way dying. Totally fine. And , most importantly, not dealing with limp lettuce Ive. "It was just a hangover."

Ivy's eyes narrow just enough to make it crystal clear how little she trusts Harley right now, but for once Selina Kyle makes Harley's life easier instead of harder when she speaks.

"Ladies. This is a truly riveting conversation, but I have shit to do.”

“Like fucking a bat-fucking bat?” It may be a cheap shot, but it makes Ivy stiffle a laugh, and Harley kinda thinks that makes it the best joke ever.

But Selina simply cocks an eyebrow at Harley. “Are you sure you want to discuss regrettable sexual partners?”

Ouch. “Fair enough,” Harley concedes, already jumping through the hole Selina’s cut in the glass, “come on, we have an oil tycoon to kill.”

“Not an oil tycoon, Harls.” Ivy glides down on a vine, looking all majestic like some kind of forest nymph, and Harley simply has to stare and smile because how can she not? Look at her friend! “He’s been using an experimental fuel that causes—“

“Does it matter?” Selina sighs like even interrupting Ivy is exhausting, plucking a shiny gold ornament from a nearby table and making Harley wonder (honestly, not for the first time) if she just keeps shiny trinkets hidden in her catsuit like a magician to make it seem like she’s finding them everywhere. “Guy’s loaded.”

“It matters to me, Selina. Not all of us have the moral compass of a magpie.”

Harley giggles at Ivy’s joke. You know what? It may not even have been a real joke, because Ivy’s sense of humor is not exactly her best quality. But it was funny anyway.

“And if it matters to Ive, it matters to moi .” Harley points at herself with her bat and winks at her best friend, and honestly, who the hell cares what this guy does, exactly? Maybe he’s single-handedly destroying the Amazon, or maybe he just happens to walk through the grass instead of using the little paths when making his way across the park. Whatever it is, it’s important to Ivy. And if it’s important to Ivy, it’s important to Harley. And if it’s important to Ivy in a way that makes her smile like she does when Harley winks at her? Well, then this is absolutely Harley’s top fucking priority.

Things get interesting as soon as they turn a corner and step onto the plush carpet of the experimental fuel (hey, she actually listens when Ivy speaks) tycoon's private wing. And you know what? Harley's delighted to hear the alarms go off and a bunch of goons crawl out from their hidey holes like buff armed cockroaches. She knows Ivy and Selina prefer the whole... well, you know. In and out, clean and easy kind of approach to murder and robbery, respectively. But Harley's an action gal. She has the energy to burn and a bat to swing, and most of all, she has shit to not think about.

So she's delighted when this guy's goons happen to be relatively okayish at fighting, which is much more than can be said for most men she fights in this city.

"I'll go deal with him before he can escape," Ivy says, already walking towards the door to his office. "You guys all right out here?"

"We're great ." Selina says in that tone she has where she pretends she's annoyed but you can tell she's having a blast.

Honestly. Who wouldn't be having a blast? It's like whack-a-goon!

"So," Selina says as soon as Ivy's out of earshot, which Harley can appreciate as an act of friendship, "no pheromones, I take it?"

"Nope!" Harley punctuates the word by slamming her bat into some guy's face. "None at all."

"Huh."

"What?" She's distracted enough by Selina's reply that she actually takes a punch to the face, which only manages to piss her off. She turns to look at the guy who delivered the blow just so he can see the look in her eyes before she completely obliterates his face. "Holy shit, dude. Can't you see we're having a fucking CONVERSATION !?"

For the next few minutes, Harley focuses on getting rid of the last few men around them so they can finish talking. Sure, beating up idiots is fun, but that little 'huh' was just mysterious enough to grab Harley's interest. What could possibly be so huh-worthy about her being fine?

By the time they're done, there are a number of unconscious goons scattered all over the place. Harley pants, using her hand to wipe blood (mostly not hers) and sweat (mostly hers) off her face as she catches her breath.

"Whew. That was fun, right?"

Selina, as usual, manages to look spotless even if Harley saw her deal with several men with her own two eyes. Is Selina Kyle secretly magic?

Could be.

"I've had better." Selina uses one of her claws to unlock an ornate little box and gather the jewels inside. Can she smell expensive stuff? "Come on, let's go get Ivy."

"No, no, wait." Harley lowers her voice like she's scared Ivy may hear them somehow. "What did you mean earlier?"

"What do you mean, what did I mean?"

"You know," Harley motions in the general direction of the spot where Selina was when they were talking before, "with the huh."

"The what ."

"The huh, Selina! The huh!" Dark olive eyes narrow in confusion (and annoyance), and Harley groans because she can't believe Selina Kyle is being this thick. "I said no pheromones. And you said huh."

"Oh, that." Selina uses a polished silver platter as a mirror to reapply a lipstick Harley is frankly not sure where one would even carry in a skin-tight leather jumpsuit. The more time she spends with Selina, the more convinced she is she just doesn't abide by the laws of physics.

And the more time she waits for Selina to elaborate, the more Harley realizes she just... isn't going to, apparently.

"Uughhh!" Harley groans and uses her bat to smash a nearby sculpture. "You're killing me, Selina! What the fuck did you mean!?"

Selina cocks one perfectly manicured eyebrow (Harley can tell it's happening under the mask) and gives Harley a look like she can't believe she'd have the audacity to speak to her in that tone.

"I meant," Selina's tone is a warning, like she wants to make it clear she could have made Harley suffer more if she wanted, but she's choosing not to, "I found it surprising. You looked a bit loved up to me."

"What? Pffft." Harley lets out a chuckle and nudges one of the pieces of the sculpture with her foot. "Cut back on the catnip, Selina."

Loved up. Ridiculous. Does she love Ivy? Of course. Is she loved up? Of course not . There's no heart emoji fog. None at all.

"If you say so." Selina gives her A Look. The kind of look says she doesn't believe Harley, and she wants Harley to know that even if she won't engage in an argument about it right now. Selina Kyle can say a lot with one look.

For a moment, Harley considers pushing the issue. She could insist. She could give her a list of reasons why she's absolutely not loved up at all whatsoever. She could tell Selina how what she shares with Ivy is actually true friendship, and Selina would know if she was capable of bonding with anything other than cats and jewelry. She could tell her how there's nothing even remotely mind-foggy about her feelings for Ive (she could bring up she's seen that mind fog in action the many times Ive's put Batman under her spell, even). Harley could tell Selina how her brain always feels a bit foggy in a vague kind of way -- just foggy enough to keep Harleen quiet and let Harley take the wheel -- but being with Ivy makes her feel more lucid, more real , than anything else in the world. How when Ive says she loves her Harley feels it right in her bones, in the very marrow of them, in the deepest, darkest, longest-forgotten parts of her brain where no other feeling can ever reach.

She could tell her how wildly different all that is from a silly potion-induced love fog. But she doesn't think Selina would understand their friendship even if Harley actually spelled it out. So she doesn't.

Instead, she silently follows Selina towards the office where Pam's been doing her thing. Where Pam's still doing her thing, actually, and Harley can't help but smile and lean against the doorframe to watch her best friend doing what she loves most (after Harley) in the world: eco-conscious murder.

"I fucking swear ," Ivy hasn't realized they're there, so she must be talking to what Harley can only assume is the tycoon himself even though only one of his legs can be seen outside the enormous mouth of a very happy-looking carnivorous plant, "how hard is it to not print out e-mails? Look at all this shit. Do you know how many trees had to be killed so you could print out your shitty... whatever the fuck this is?"

Ivy groans like she's frustrated she can't use her powers to just will all the papers scattered everywhere to turn back into trees. There are vines everywhere -- like nature reclaiming the furniture and the walls and the floors and really every surface of his office. There's a strange beauty to it, Harley thinks. Haunting, like those pictures of abandoned buildings covered in grass and moss and weeds. Even when she's angry -- and oh, she's angry right now -- Ivy really can't help but make the world a more beautiful place, can she?

Even when she was on the other side of the reinforced glass, wearing her glasses and her white coat, Harley never fully understood why Poison Ivy was lumped in with the rest of the psychos in Gotham.

Harley doesn't know how long she stays there. Selina's happily working on the safe next to the carnivorous plant, and Harley's more than content to just watch Ivy in her element for a while.

And then, it happens.

Ivy's going on a rant about a bunch of single-use coffee cups she's found in the trashcan by the desk when she suddenly stops in her tracks. Harley can't see what she's looking at until Ivy turns around with a small flower pot in her hand, a sad-looking, mostly dry plant limply hanging off its side.

"Fuck him."

Ivy touches the plant and her brow furrows, and Harley knows she's feeling the thirst and the pain in the little plant as if it was her own. "You're okay now," Ivy says as the plant starts to recover, and her voice is so soft -- so full of love for a dry, nearly dead plant -- that Harley swears she feels her heart grow at least a couple sizes. She watches her best friend breathe life into a little plant, watches it turn from brown to green, brighter and taller, watches it sprout new leaves that make it look like it's stretching after a long sleep. And then she watches a bright yellow flower bloom, and when Harley finally manages to tear her eyes away from the flower to look at Ivy instead, she swears she feels her heart stop dead in its tracks.

Ive's always beautiful. Always, without fail, no matter what time of day or night, lounging at home or brooding in an Arkham cell. Pam is beautiful always. But Harley doesn't think she's ever seen her look more beautiful than she does right now, with her hair slightly disheveled after a fight and some blood (not at all hers) splattered on her face and clothes. It's the way she's smiling at that little plant. The way her smile grows and softens when she notices Harley looking at her. Harley's so enthralled by Ivy that she doesn't realize what she's thinking until it's been running through her mind for a while.

God , Harley's in love with her.

And that's when she realizes. That's when she hears the proverbial record scratch in her brain and her eyes widen in horror because there it is. There's the pink fog before the botanical mutation, right? I mean she can't exactly see a literal pink fog, but she may as well. She can feel her heartbeat all over the place. The butterflies in her stomach. The nearly all-consuming need to grab Ivy and kiss her until neither of them can breathe.

"Shit. Shit, Red, shit, shitshit shit ."

Ivy's no longer smiling. At all.

"Oh God, Pammy. I fucked up." Harley feels her eyes well up with tears as she rushes towards her best friend because this is no longer a hypothetical: this is happening. She did drink something dangerous. And suddenly keeping Ivy from finding out and getting mad at her feels less important than fucking surviving. "I fucked up, Ive, I drank a potion and now I'm turning into a fucking plant, please tell me you have an antidote."

"Harley. Harl, look at me." Ivy looks so genuinely concerned Harley's sure the ridiculous amount of love she can see in green eyes must be part of the potion's effects. She's hallucinating, isn't she? "What potion? You're immune, Harley, you know that. Calm down."

"No, no! Not poison, I mean--" Harley shakes her head but has to stop when Ivy places her hands on Harley's cheeks to hold her head steady and look into her eyes like she's wondering if Harley's on drugs or something. "I mean a love potion, Ive! Shit, I thought it was water and I just drank the whole thing and I thought maybe it was nothing because I felt fine but now I know for sure I fucked up because I'm so in love with you like-- just feel this!" Harley grabs one of Ivy's hands and moves it from her cheek down to her chest, pressing it right where her heart is still skipping all over itself. "Right?"

"I-- I don't-- Harl, what potion ? You're immune to all of my--"

"The pheromones! I don't know what it was! God I'm such a fucking fuck-up and now I'm just-- shit I hope I at least turn into a rhododendron bush or something because I don't want to be a succulent, Ive. Don't let me turn into a succulent." Harley's really crying now, black mascara running down her cheeks and staining Pam's hand as she struggles to breathe through her words. "I know I should've told you but I didn't want you to be disappointed and now I'm in love and it's just-- Selina, you tell her!"

"Selina?" Ivy turns around like she's just realized Selina is still in the mansion, let alone in the room with them. "What's going on?"

Harley was expecting Selina to tell Ivy exactly what happened that morning. She was expecting Selina to tell Ivy all about Harley being an idiot who drinks things without looking first, about the pheromones and chill, about Harley's refusal to tell Ivy right away. Instead, Selina looks... almost like she's the one who's been caught in a lie.

"Selina, what the fuck did you do?" Ivy's voice sounds like she's mere seconds away from feeding Selina to the plant, too. Harley can feel the anger like tingles where Ivy's hands are still pressed against her skin. "What did you give her?"

Selina lets out a sigh. "Margarita mix."

"What?" Harley feels a lightbulb go off inside her brain. That was the weird taste when she drank whatever was in that bottle. Fucking margarita mix. But just.. "Why? What the fuck, Selina? Why would you let me think it was pheromones? I know Batman doesn't actually fuck bats, probably. Come on, it was a joke! Mostly!"

"Will you relax?" Selina sounds like she can't believe Harley may be a bit agitated after spending a whole day thinking she's going to die and/or mutate into a plant. "I'm sick of watching you two idiots pretend that ," she points in the general direction of Harley and Ivy, "is just a couple of gals being pals. Figured I'd help you out."

"Help!?" Harley could just-- God , she could just smash Selina's face in with her bat. But she suddenly realizes there's a much more pressing issue to handle before revenge can even begin to be considered. "Shit, Red," Harley takes one step back to look at Ivy, and for the first time ever she's surprised to see she can't read the look in her eyes, "I didn't mean-- you know I didn't mean any of it, right?" For a split second Harley swears something like pain flashes behind green eyes, but it's gone as quickly as it appeared. "I was just worried and I-- I got in my head about it. But you know I didn't mean it. You know , right? Pammy?"

It takes Ivy a few seconds to answer, and when she does she sounds... different. "Yeah. Yeah, I know."

For some reason, it doesn't sound as reassuring as Harley though it would.

"Come on, Ive--" Selina tries to keep talking, but Ivy cuts her off.

"Listen, we're done here. So I'm just gonna..." Ivy shakes her head like she's trying to physically clear it of thoughts and feelings and general clutter, "I'm just gonna go home."

Harley feels like she's stuck to the floor. She just stands there, silent and frozen in place as she watches Ivy leave. She knows this isn't right. She knows something just happened -- something she can't quite wrap her brain around right now. All she knows is Ivy's leaving, and she wants her to stay but she doesn't know how to make her body move or make any noises until her gaze drops to the desk and she sees the little plant right there.

"Ive!" Harley grabs the pot and runs out just in time to see Ivy's vines lifting her up through the same skyline they used to get in. "Ivy, you forgot the plant!"

But Ivy doesn't come back.

#harlivy #harley x ivy #fic #harley quinn/poison ivy #cliche a week 2021 #this is my first chaptered fic i can't guarantee it won't be a hot mess #comics #dcu #poison ivy

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surveysonfleek · 3 years

Text

1598.

Be honest with yourself, are you proud of your actions? for the most part.. i guess so Have you ever had an operation? no Favorite sit-down restaurant? korean bbq. i dont even care where, ive never been to a shit kbbq place What have you eaten today? spam and eggs lol Who has made you laugh the hardest in the last week? ermmm... probably my family

If you had to get a tattoo on your face to save your life, what would it be? a tiny dot that would just replicate a mole What is something you find romantic? random small gifts. even if its as simple as my favourite chocolate bar What is your style? comfortable and loose lol If you could be doing anything you like right now, what would it be? id be on a cruise somewhere tropical. no one on the boat would have covid either What is the best movie you have ever seen? hmm, i honestly wouldnt be able to name one What makes you attracted to the person you like right now? hes smart and funny! What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about? anything health, race, religion related. theres much more but u get the gist How long was your longest relationship? 12 years and counting... Why did your last relationship end? - Would you rather live in a castle or a spaceship? a castle. its been a dream of mine to even visit one Have you ever felt unimportant in someone’s life? yes, ofc Has someone ever made you a Build-A-Bear? yes haha. its pretty much the only stuffed toy ive kept over the years Did you have any unread texts this morning? nah What are your initials? - What is your definition of “having sex”? for me personally (like happening to me), its penile penetration. everyone has different opinions of course Who was the last person you were “in a relationship with” on Facebook (including anyone you may have put “in a relationship with” for a joke)? my fiance Do you think a relationship with a 16-year-old girl and a 35-year-old man would work out? Do you think age differences like that (when they’re under 18) should be legal? just no Were you ever “the other man/woman”? How did it turn out? How do you feel about it today? nope! What do you think of open relationships? If your partner suggested it, what would you say? i would say no. if they werent happy with my decision, we’d have bigger problems at hand Would you ever date out of your race? yes Who were you with yesterday? my family Have you ever had a reptile for a pet? no What time do you have to get up tomorrow? 6:45am :( Have you ever kissed anyone with a tattoo? yes How long have you been with your boyfriend/girlfriend? 12 years What kinds of alcohol do you like? my go-to is bourbon and coke Did you have a swing set when you were a kid? yes, i still remember it like yesterday haha Can you do the alphabet in sign language? nope Is the person you last kissed yours? yes Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months without cheating? easily! Have you ever been so hurt that you wanted to stop feeling completely? no. feeling emotionally hurt is sometime worse than being physically hurt but id rather go through it than feel nothing State you most want to visit? hmmm, ive visited most states in aus What is a book that you really want to read? nothing right now What brand was the last lotion that you used? nivea What color is your underwear? black What was the last type of cookie that you ate? it was called a dream cookie lol. it was average If you could be anywhere right now, where would you be? on a vacation somewhere What genre was the last song you listened to? rnb What sort of surveys catch your interest and which ones bore you? i hate really really long surveys, anything above 50 questions is too much for me. i kinda like themed surveys too What books do you usually enjoy reading and which do you not enjoy? tbh i like easy reads. the past few books ive read had gone girl vibes which i like. im not a deep reader lol What is something that you really want to try, whether it’s a hobby, food, etc.? id love to try candle making only coz i already spend way too much money What websites do you frequent most often? youtube, netflix The last person you found attractive — what did they look like? my fiance If you could go back in time, would you prefer to go forward or backward? haha, it says back in time.. Post a link to the last video you watched online. nah Is there anything bothering you at the moment? work What color was the last shirt you wore? black What sort of things do you like to post or look at on Tumblr? i dont use my other tumblr anymore. i only ever use it to post surveys now What scent was the last candle you burned? passionfruit and papaya What type of people are you usually attracted to? easygoing ones Do you collect anything? If so, what? plants bahaha When you look to your left, what is the first thing you see? What about the right? my desk on my left, the winow on my right What room are you currently in? What color are the walls/floor? my bedroom. the walls are turquoise and grey What color is the last blanket you used? pink What do you smell like right now? nothing, i have a blocked nose coz of hayfever :( If it was possible to celebrate a holiday everyday, which would you choose? i wouldnt choose one If you could compare yourself to a celebrity or character, who would it be? none lol Which male celebrities do you find attractive? i find anthony ramos attractive but only as the character he dresses as in ‘shes gotta have it’ Which female celebrities do you find attractive? riri If you could marry one of your favorite celebrities and have a happy relationship until the end of your days, who would it be? i wouldnt, happy with my fiance What song are you listening to at the moment? nothing What is currently on your desk? my computer, makeup, candles and skincare What brand is your computer? mac What are the last things you ate and drank? spam and eggs and water How often do you take naps and how long do they usually last? about 30 mins Which season do you wish lasted all year? autumn! What is the last part of your body that itched? my back Is there anything that you should be doing right now? nope Is there anything you’re craving right now? bubble tea Do you prefer regular or flavored coffee? What about regular or flavored creamer? flavoured for sure. i also love flavoured creamer but they dont sell it here How do you take your tea? earl grey, a tsp sugar and dash of milk

#survey #surveys #quiz #bored #questions

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freunwol · 3 years

Note

do you happen to have any more phanlumi food i'm so sorry but i'm starving dfgkjdfkjdfg

YELLS UH its been a hot minute but i will provide uwu

- i stand by them not telling the other heroes abt them dating for like way too long, i think eventually phantom would just wanna keep it quiet to fuck with them when they finally did reveal it however much later (”ive had so many conversations with you two how the fuck did you keep it secret” “honestly i dont know either”)

- i also stand by lumi writing shitty poetry with his whole heart, like super stilted but he means it so much...idk that hed be bad at poetry in general but when it comes to his own feelings he doesnt know how to express them aside from Very Literally or not that much at all

- which on the topic of that, makes properly opening up abt his own stuff hard, both out of embarrassment for being too honest AND potentially initially feeling like he should be able to shoulder phantoms weird bull and not burden him...that falls apart as they like talk n shit but i think when theyve just done that Single Genuine Convo i mentioned he’d still have that feeling.

- phan prolly feels like utter trash when lumi explains how much finding out he’s part bm fucked w him...like he thought it would just get on his nerves but no he was having an existential crisis Oops

- lumi doesnt rlly blame him tho...not really. like he knows holding it against him would be silly considering tensions were high at that point and phan didnt know, but... :thinking: (ik thats not happy but even for a while lumi likely still shoves any resentment down, force of habit yknow? and hopefully eventually he’ll feel comfortable enough knowing phantom wouldnt hate him for bringing up past stuff that he could properly communicate stuff that hurt)

...im curious how much of this will change once they rewrite stuff LMAO that whole hc was based on the hom encounter and how much i dislike it kfjdghskfjdshgfdjsk

- tho BASED on the hom encounter, taking it at face value, phan would prolly understand more why lumi snapped back since phan happened to swing a bat at a hornets nest. and given how phan is he may just forgive it on that since lumi would honestly never say something like that unless he was really at the edge of his rope (THESE ARE ALL SO SERIOUS BUT INSECURITIES AND COMMUNICATION ARE IMPORTANT PARTS OF A RELATIONSHIP YKNOW UR GONNA KNOW SOMEONE MORE THAN LIKE ANYTHING ELSE OK THEY HAVE HURDLES!!!)

- i think if they have an argument every sentence is preceded by like “you know i love you but that chair does not fucking go there”

- phan goes between growing his hair out and having it short, and when its long lania braids it and stuff. lumi never comments on it but he thinks it cute

- phan tries to convince lumi to grow his out but lumis afraid it’ll make him look like wm so he tells him to dye then grow it which prompts an eye roll followed by a slightly too serious deliberation on what color would be fitting (brunette lumi? :eyes:)

- phan tries and completely fails to teach lumi how to dance

- oh my god there was a fluff text abt lumi and lania making a cream cheese spread and i cant entirely remember it but its dear to me and wait ho0ly shit

- they prolly cant cook like ~20 star michelin chefs~ on the lumiere but having just a plain ol homecooked meal would prolly send phan into tears when he first tries it

- and he cherishes all the little snacks and bits and stuff lumi and lania makes and tries to help out but aside from like chopping vegetables he doesnt rlly know what hes doing

- fuck super domestic phanlumi melts my heart im just picturing him and lumi gathering apples from nearby trees and theyre chatting and the light through the trees catches on lumi perfectly and phans heart melts hOUGH good shit

- and on the flipside i mentioned him and phantom looking at the moon on the lumiere and one particular night even tho lumi never rlly paid any attention to his looks it hits him perfectly and he just understands what ppl see all at once

- and he cherishes the nights they can do that even more now

- these have been kind of phantom centric oops but i think, again, lumi really cherishes being able to talk honestly with him and understand him- and being able to express that even in a minor way. hes a very caring person T~T

i wrote so much more than i thought i would and i can prolly write more but like. soft idiots

#maplestory #ive been really thinking abt complexities in interactions #theres a lot of internalized problems and weirdness and resentment ppl have to work around to be friends with one another #managing a relationship isnt all that easy all things considered #especially if youre these two dinguses #i mean that in the most loving way possible neither of them are stupid but they are idiots #phanlumi #i have so many thoughts about interactions and dynamics between characters #if anyones interested in like. freunwol or lucithena or mercdemon or whatever feel free to ask #someone ask me my opinions on freunwol youll get a fucking wall #prepare to ask and then not have a response for three whole days bc i keep thinking of stuff #regardless im happy to provide Thoughts when the fandom is so dead rn fgjkhfdgkhj #anons #long post #wow this ended up being so long oops

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exjunkiebaby · 3 years

Text

candy - when he OD’d

In rehab we watched the movie “candy”, the one with Heath Ledger and some beautiful white actress that looked like a fairy princess. It was about a couple’s toxic, codependent relationship ft heroin and heron and more heroin.

I found myself hiding tears. When she overdosed in the tub, I was taken back to the scary place that was my exes own overdose on fentanyl. It happened maybe 2 months ago? But it was just like any other day. I had no money for fent, so I texted him and asked if he could cop (knowing he would do it because he was still in love with me). So he grabbed a sack from the city, and I met him in his town. I took the train there.

I arrived feeling dopesick, eager to take a hit. He loaded up the foil in the bathroom, and I smoked. I sighed in relief. I felt better again. I felt so grateful. He was my savior. And I thought, “I may be the death of him.”

We got drinks (boba). We walked to his mom’s new house. We went to his bedroom. I asked him to put more drugs on the foil. I took hit after hit. He took one hit, and started acting weird. He tried to forcefully grab me and push me on the bed. I shoved him away, telling him he was acting like a fucking weirdo. He didn’t usually act like this.

He took another hit. I told him to stop. I told him, “You’ve only been smoking heroin for a few days. You don’t have the tolerance for this shit.” He rolled his eyes. He always thought whatever I said was wrong. He never really listened. He took another hit. I sat on his bed, staring at the TV. Suddenly, as my ex was standing up, he collapsed on the floor.

He grew pale immediately. His face was white as fucking snow. His blue eyes rolled to the back of his head. I rushed to his aid, my heart was pounding. I had never seen this before - nobody had ever overdosed in front of me. I didn’t know what to do - time moved in slow motion. I grabbed my purse and quickly searched for the narcan I always carried.

He started making gurgling sounds. Weird sounds came from his throat. I thought, “Oh my God, this is the death rattle.” I didn’t know how to use the IV Narcan kit. Nobody had ever really taught me, yet I carried it everywhere I went. I grabbed the needle, plunged it into the tiny bottle of narcan, and sucked it up. I stabbed my ex in the thigh and hit the needle. Nothing happened. He was still on the floor. He was cold. I held him and screamed, “Oh God, oh God! What do I do??”

I loaded up the rig with narcan again. I stabbed him in the thigh, again. Blood trickled. Nothing was happening. He was dying before my eyes and nothing was happening. I loaded up the rig again. I hit his thigh again. Nothing was happening, he was dying before my eyes. I grabbed my phone and dialed 911.

As the phone rang, I loaded up the rig. Stabbed him again. Nothing, “911, what’s your emergency?” I heard a woman speak from my phone. I ignored her, and sucked up the last of the narcan. I stabbed him again. I saw the color return to his face. His face grew pink, then red. His eyes fluttered open. “Um. never mind, everything is okay,” I lied. I hung up.

His mother walked into the room. She found me holding her son as he regained consciousness. I told her, “I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry.”

She was so angry, so upset that she stormed out. My ex was still on the floor. He asked, “What happened?” I said, “You fucking idiot! You stupid fucking idiot! I told you not to smoke! I TOLD YOU. YOU FUCKING IDIOT!”

He began to sob. Tears streamed down his cheeks. He wouldn’t stop apologizing. My anger faded, and I began to cry with him. Through my tears, I uttered, “I thought you were dead. I thought I lost you. And it was all my fault.”

He ran to the bathroom. He was probably smoking heroin, because the narcan had eliminated all of the opiates from his body. I sat on his bed, sitting in the stench of my own self-loathing. It was my fault, not his. I asked him for this bag. I gave him false-hope that we would get back together. I manipulated him to get what I wanted, and he almost died in the process. I hated myself. I hate myself. How could I do that to somebody that I loved?

I found the bag of fentanyl that almost killed him and stuffed it in my pocket. I told him I was going to go. I planned to smoke the rest of it, but as I sat on the train home, I lost it along the way. I was beyond angry. I cried because it was gone. But I knew, deep deep deep down, that if there was a God, They were protecting me. They didn’t want me to use alone. They didn’t want me to die. They were protecting me.

Sometimes I think about the lost bag and I get sad. Sometimes I get happy. I think about my almost-dead ex boyfriend and I can’t seem to forgive myself. Seeing him blue, pale, collapsed, eyes rolled back - I can’t get the image out of my head. I was so, so close to attending his funeral. what if I didn’t have narcan? What if I had to actually wait for the ambulance? What if he died in the process? What if his mother watched me kill her son?

Now I’m in my third rehab. My ex is in his third rehab, too. We’re both in treatment at the same time. For some fucking reason, we’re alive. A month prior to that event, I had also overdosed - but that’s a story for another time. By the grace of fucking God we are here. I don’t know why. But I’m grateful.

I don't want to die I don’t want to die I really don’t want to die

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pale-cheezit · 3 years

Note

Can you answer every 5th question from your 216-question ask post? Thanks!

Girl you're killin me lol. I'm bored though so thanks for giving me something to do!! I know I'm really late posting this but oh well. Thanks for the ask :)

5) Book/series I reread?

My favorite author is Tana French and I've reread her books a few times. I've reread the book "The Shack" by William P. Young a few times as well. I'm sure there's more that I'm forgetting right now.

10) The word that I use all the time to describe something great?

Probably fuck. As in, "that's fucking great" or "this is fucking awesome" or something like that lol

15) Last song I listened to?

Some new Five Finger Death Punch song that was on the radio

20) Favorite video games?

Probably New Super Mario Bros

25) Actor/actress you trust enough to watch whatever they’re in?

Ooof... I can't think of any off the top of my head. I have some actors that I like that make me go "oh theyre in this movie, it might be good" but I don't think I ever really watch anything just because of a certain actor.

30) Eye color?

Blueish/greenish. Changes colors sometimes depending on what I'm wearing.

35) Am I excited about anything?

Not really.

40) What do I think about most?

I swing wildly between thinking about insignificant nonsense and everything I'm worried/anxious about (my very uncertain future and what to do with myself and mental health shit I'm going through) and I think about my loved ones a lot too!

45) Last film I watched?

The Hunchback of Notre Dame lol

50) How do I destress?

I'm pretty good at pushing things out of my mind when I want to or need to (a blessing and a curse) Also smoke weed. Idk, feels like I'm always stressed about something in the back of my mind.

55) Play any sports?

I don't anymore but I played volleyball for almost 10 years of my life. Good times. I miss those days.

60) Pet peeve?

People that put masks on their kids.

65) What fictional universe would I like to be a part of?

Friskies world from the cat food commercial of course

70) Can I sing?

I think I can sing ok. I'm not amazing but also not horrible.

75) Where do I want to live?

Away from people and traffic!!! I hate how close together the houses are in the suburbs. But I don't want to be so far in the middle of nowhere that I have to drive hours to get groceries. Idk, maybe I wouldn't mind that after awhile, I'd probably get used to it. I just want my own land and to be able to walk out the back door and have my own personal shooting range on my property.

80) Can I drive?

Yeah. Can't drive stick though. I should learn.

85) Favorite genre of music?

Rock

90) Favorite sporty activity?

Uhhh like walking or hiking I guess. Baseball definitely.

95) How tall am I?

5'7"

100) Do I have more girl friends or boy friends?

I have NO friends lol

105) Last person I texted?

My mom

110) Do I like selfies?

Eh sort of. If I'm feeling good about myself, I might take a few but that's rare for me these days. I like to take pictures of much more interesting things instead! Selfies are boring!

115) Favorite number?

8 I guess

120) Am I much of a daredevil?

Depends on the situation and the mood I'm in. I can be. We all got a little daredevil in us if we drink enough lol

125) The Beatles or Elvis?

Elvis

130) Favorite piece of advice?

Hmm....Anything Jordan Peterson says is usually great advice lol. But I guess simple things like be yourself, enjoy the small things in life, never miss a good chance to shut up, others can inspire and support you- but only you can save yourself, assume you know nothing, listen to your elders cause they know a thing or two about life (SOMETIMES)

135) Do I like gossip?

Eh not really. It depends. I know I'm guilty of it because that's all women be doin but you can definitely cross a line with that stuff and some people have issues with that and that shit can be annoying. it's definitely something I try not to do too much because I wouldn't want others to gossip about me behind my back

140) Do I believe people are capable of change?

I'd like to think so. I mean, I think its not ALWAYS the case. There's definitely people that wont or cant change but there's also plenty of people that are willing to put in the work and have changed themselves and their lives.

145) In a film about my life, who would I cast as myself, friends and family?

Bitch nobody could play me or my family better than me or my family

150) What is the best decision I have made in life so far?

I honestly don't know. I thought of a few different things and realized none of them were really decisions I 100% made for myself /: I've had a life so far that's been filled with other people making decisions for me. Kind of one of my problems I gotta work on. I guess I would say choosing to finally leave the shitty relationship I was in but he kind of left me in the end so it wasn't completely my decision. There's probably a bunch of small decisions I've made in the past that turned out great for me that I'm just forgetting right now.

155) Who is the most intelligent person I know?

I used to think my brother was because he was a genius child but then I grew up and realized there's a lot of different ways to be intelligent. I was gonna say Jordan Peterson but I dont actually know him lol. It's a hard question for me because I truly believe people are intelligent in so many different ways and Ive met many people that are smart in some ways but dumb in others. I guess my Dad would make the list if I had to pick someone.

160) What color mostly dominates my wardrobe?

BLUE

165) Do I believe in fate?

I think so. I think we can change our fate though too.

170) One of my favorite quotes?

"those who would give up essential liberty, to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety."- Ben Franklin

"unable are the loved to die, for love is immortality"- Emily Dickinson

I have a TON of favorite quotes, I could take up pages lol. Those are just the ones I thought of off the top of my head.

175) Do I dream?

Yes, every single time I sleep. Even when I take a nap. I'm always dreaming.

180) Do I like shopping?

It depends on my mood and what I'm shopping for. Sometimes I'm in the mood to shop and I have fun with it but other times I'm not feeling it at all. I don't like spending money, it makes me feel guilty.

185) If I could master one skill, what would I choose?

Probably being an excellent shot. As skilled as Annie Oakley- if that's even possible haha

190) If I could time travel, where and when would I want to go?

60s or 70s. Maybe the 20s.

195) Would I ever want to encounter aliens?

Fuck no. Definitely wouldnt be like some sci-fi movie. It'd be fucking terrifying.

200) Dragons or wizards?

Neither. Never been into either of those things. I also never got what the big deal about dragons is

205) Do I like my handwriting?

Yeah I suppose. Its very inconsistent. It goes from messy to neat to somewhere in between all in one page. Just like me lol

210) What is on my bucket list?

Travel. See the world. I dont have anything super specific but I definitely wish I could see all this world has to offer.

215) What is the weirdest talent I have?

I have no idea. I have no talent that I can think of. I'm sure there's gotta be something but I have no clue right now.

#me #asks #questions #about me

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theycallmegothboy · 3 years

Note

1-100 >:DDDD REVENGE!!!

FELIXXXXXXXXXXXX >:(( 1. Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? -spotify 2. is your room messy or clean? -it’s pretty messy i guess 3. what color are your eyes? -blue and grey

4. do you like your name? why? -yeah it’s fine 5. what is your relationship status? -single 6. describe your personality in 3 words or less -certified intrusive thot 7. what color hair do you have? -brown and rn it’s red 8. what kind of car do you drive? color? -i dont have a car 9. where do you shop? -hot topic, goodwill, target 10. how would you describe your style? -comfy emo 11. favorite social media account -of mine, probably discord or youtube 12. what size bed do you have? -twin >:(( 13. any siblings? -i have 1.5 brothers 14. if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? -probably vancouver, idk canada seems lit 15. favorite snapchat filter? -i like the one with devil horns and a tail but its cute 16. favorite makeup brand(s) -i dont wear makeup 17. how many times a week do you shower? -i used to shower every day, but i dont do anything that gets me dirty so like maybe 3 times but if i leave the house then i shower 18. favorite tv show? -stranger things 19. shoe size? -8 or 9 20. how tall are you? -5′6 with shoes >:(( 21. sandals or sneakers? -sneakers wtf 22. do you go to the gym? -lol no 23. describe your dream date -making some pie or something together and then eating the pie and then sitting on some rooftop looking at stars 24. how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? -quite a bit actually but i’m saving up for a phone lol so soon it will be like maybe 10 dollars lmao 25. what color socks are you wearing? -not wearing socks but the ones i had earlier were white (ankle length) 26. how many pillows do you sleep with? -just one but it sucks 27. do you have a job? what do you do? -NO BUT IM TRYING TO GET A JOB BUT THE FUCKIN PEOPLE THERE ARE GHOSTING ME AND WONT REPLY TO MY EMAILS SO LIKE SBJHBJS 28. how many friends do you have? -like 4 lmao 29. whats the worst thing you have ever done? -idk nothing super bad but i do a lot of small shit that makes me feel guilty when i realize what i did 30. whats your favorite candle scent? -juniper rosewood 31. 3 favorite boy names -leo, clay, charlie 32. 3 favorite girl names -ivy, uh... idk thats all ive got 33. favorite actor? -no clue 34. favorite actress? -no clue 35. who is your celebrity crush? -not a celeb but i’d smash danny phantom 36. favorite movie? -nightmare before christmas or edward scissorhands 37. do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? -no, but my fav book is probably the prince and the pauper? idk 38. money or brains? -CASH MONEYYYY jk probably brains but if your entire personality is being “smart” like fuck off lmao 39. do you have a nickname? what is it? - a bunch of people call me son (see #49, #100), some call me rat, dumdum, goth boy

40.how many times have you been to the hospital? -just once i think when i was birthed. i also went once with my brother cause he kicked some scissors i left out on the floor and it sliced his toe the fuck open and he needed stitches and i watched him get the stitches and almost passed out :/ 41. top 10 favorite songs -please dont make me do this i dont have it in me 42. do you take any medications daily? -yea i take 20mg of vyvanse but i need to get it raised to 30 cause 20 is Not Enough 43. what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) -i got some dry fuckin skin yall dont even know 44. what is your biggest fear? -it depends. the dark is a pretty constant one though 45. how many kids do you want? -like 2 or 3 eventually 46. whats your go to hair style? -in my face, looking stupid 47. what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) -it’s pretty small 48. who is your role model? -i dont fuckin know lmao 49. what was the last compliment you received? - “i belive in you, my son, you’re an amazing human being“ (same friend mentioned in #100, not actually a parent of mine) 50. what was the last text you sent? -”no it’s a raccoon“ YOU GET NO CONTEXT LMAO 51. how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? -i dont think i ever hardcore believed in him, maybe i did though i remember sleeping under the tree one christmas eve waiting for him but i was like “oh yeah that makes sense“ i guess 52. what is your dream car? -i honestly dont give a shit as long as it actually fucking works 53. opinion on smoking? -cigarettes? fuck no that’s nastyyy. weed? that’s fine i guess but wait till you’re like 18. 54. do you go to college? -no. am sophomore n highschool 55. what is your dream job? -musician/palentologist 56. would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? -fuck the suburbs lmao, but also im tired of rural, so like.. semi urban?? 57. do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? -no but i take the little soaps >:)) 58. do you have freckles? -yes 59. do you smile for pictures? -awkwardly, yes 60. how many pictures do you have on your phone? -dont have a phone but i have like 12 on my computer currently. 4 are of me, the rest are of my cat or random shit 61. have you ever peed in the woods? -yes 62. do you still watch cartoons? -cartoons these days kinda suck but like if they were good fuck yeah i would like gravity falls can come hang yknow? 63. do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? -i had nuggets from mcdonalds today so i guess them? i dont really care 64. Favorite dipping sauce? -i got sweet and sour but i dont like it that much. that schezuan sauce was great 65. what do you wear to bed? -wouldnt you like to know? ;)) 66. have you ever won a spelling bee? -NO ive only been in two. the first one i misspelled the word “turmoil“ cause i had never heard it before and the second one i spelled the word “owed“ as “ode“ cause i was thinking like ode to joy and then i felt like a big Fool afterwards :(( 67. what are your hobbies? -lol what hobbies 68. can you draw? -i am physically able to draw, but not well, no 69 (haha). do you play an instrument? -yeah i play a few 70. what was the last concert you saw? -i saw Chicago in either georgia or tennessee i cant remember in like 2016 71. tea or coffee? -hot coffee, iced tea. NOT the other way around. (i love both though) 72. Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? -starbucks 73. do you want to get married? -sure why not 74. what is your crush’s first and last initial? -dont have a crush 75. are you going to change your last name when you get married? -idk maybe 76. what color looks best on you? -i dont know but i wear black a lot and that’s pretty dope 77. do you miss anyone right now? -yeah 78. do you sleep with your door open or closed? -closed 79. do you believe in ghosts? -on the fence. not 100% “oh my god look at these gHoSt oRbS i need to sage my house!!!“ but i accept that there’s some things i wont understand about the world and that i have no answers to. i wouldnt be surprised if there are, and i wouldnt be surprised if there aren’t. 80. what is your biggest pet peeve? -whatever my adhd decides i viscerally hate with a firey passion right at that moment 81. last person you called -my brother (the 1 of the 1.5 from #13 and the one who sliced his toe in #40) 82. favorite ice cream flavor? -chocolate is dope 83. regular oreos or golden oreos? -regular double stuff. if you say golden, mint, peppermint, or thin oreos i’m gonna have to euthanize you, i dont make the rules. 84. chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? -rainbow cause it’s prettier 85. what shirt are you wearing? -queen shirt from hot topic 86. what is your phone background? -i didnt get a phone between question 60 and now but my computer one is some mountains with the moon in the background 87. are you outgoing or shy? -really depends on who i’m around 88. do you like it when people play with your hair? -YES FUCK AAAAAAA (this girl played with my hair literally once in middle school and i was like oh shit and i had a crush on her until the end of middle school true story,,, so ashley if you’re out there-) 89. do you like your neighbors? -to the left they’re fine and their dog is nice but idk what happened to the horses so that’s sus but that’s where our cat came from so they can hang guess, behind me they’re fine but their boys are loud, to the right they’re fine, and even further to the right are the dope neighbors and waaaaaaaaaay far to the right is a llama and he’s dope as hell 90. do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? -whenever the fuck i remember to/have the energy 91. have you ever been high? -i dont think so but i wouldnt put it past myself 92. have you ever been drunk? -not that i can remember, no 93. last thing you ate? -sloppy joe from a can 94. favorite lyrics right now -”not gonna waste my life, cause i’ve been fucked up“ 95. summer or winter? -fall. fuck you 96. day or night? -night but i like it when it’s actually night and it doesnt get dark at like 4 fucking pm cause that makes me depressed 97. dark, milk, or white chocolate? -dark is good, milk is fine, white is only suitable for fancy stripes on chocolate covered strawberries 98. favorite month? -i vibe with september 99. what is your zodiac sign -sagittarius (was almost a scorpio but i was holding out >:))) 100. who was the last person you cried in front of? -in person, my mom like 6 months ago, on a discord call, my friend (i love you by the way, you’re the best,,, i dont think he has tumblr but im just putting it out there) like a month or so ago. i hate crying in front of people, i turn into such a hyperventilating snot monster which is not suitable for human gaze and thats the real tea :/

felix this took like 2 hours of my life i will never get back i hate you and i hope you’re happy with what you’ve done <3 <3

also anyone who wants to stalk me, enjoy this information that im handing to you on a silver platter :)) <3

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calumance · 4 years

Text

LA Devotee - Part XI

Warnings: cussing, the end get’s a little hot and heavy, no details, it’s a bit angsty

Word Count: 4.5k

Summary: Emily stays with Calum for a while, but soon returns to her own apartment, only to be met with the biggest challenge of dating someone famous. Calum receives some news, and drops a new bomb on Emily’s life.

A/N: Oof, okay. I rewrote this part many times, which is why it took me so long to update. 😂 I hope you all like it! Feedback and requests always welcomed!!! (want to be tagged? Let me know!)

Masterlist

I stayed at Calum’s until Tuesday, I would’ve stayed longer, but I ran out of clothes. Calum insisted on letting me use his washer and dryer, but I declined, telling him I needed to go home. He groaned into the crook of my neck pulling me closer to him before kissing me goodbye as I walked out the door to head to work. When I got home after work, I kicked my shoes off and went to my bedroom, which was still a mess from trying to find stuff to take to Calum’s. I picked up a little and found the hoodie Calum let me borrow the night we met. When I put my nose to it, it still smelled like him. So I changed into it and made my way to the couch. After spending four nights with him, it was weird to not be with him now.

After turning on the tv, I pulled out my phone and started scrolling through some social media. As I was about to move onto the next platform, Mikayla started to call me. I held the phone to my ear, and without saying a word, she starts spewing her words, “Emily, where are you right now? Were you on twitter, please do not get on twitter. For the love of god, please stay off twitter.” My eyebrows stitched together and before I could get any words out, my phone starts beeping telling me I have another call coming in. This time it was Calum.

I put my phone back to my ear, “Calum’s calling me, I’ll call you back.” As I pulled the phone away from my ear, all I could hear was her telling me to stay off twitter. My finger tapped to end Mikayla’s call and answer Calum’s. The speaker pressed to my ear, and a smile stretched across my face, “Hey there.” My back pressed against the back of the couch as my knees pulled toward my chest.

“Emily, are you okay? Please tell me you’re okay. I’ll come right over if I need to.” My eyebrows pulled together again and my knees fell. I dropped my hand into my lap and my mouth formed into an ‘O’ trying to figure out what was happening.

My heartbeat picked up and I managed to find some words in my throat, “I’m fine. What is happening? Why is everyone freaking out?” A creeping urge to check twitter suddenly nudges its way into my chest.

Calum sighed into the phone, obviously exacerbated, “Listen, some pictures of us are circulating the internet, and not all the comments are nice. If you need me to say something, I definitely will, you are the most amazing person I’ve ever met.” His voice broke and I suddenly looked at my phone, my eyebrows pulling together so hard, my head started to hurt.

With Calum still on the phone, I went to my home page and touched the twitter icon. I could hear Calum calling my name, I told him to hang on. That’s when I found it, a whole stream of pictures and a whole hashtag built around pictures of Calum and I walking around on Sunday afternoon. Not a single picture of us showed PDA, not even a hand hold. We always stayed a few feet away from each other, and Michael and his girlfriend were with us. For all anyone knew I was Crystal’s friend. Which, admittedly, we did hit it off, but that was the first time we met. I scrolled through the comments, the internet is not as dumb as I wish they were. Even though we never touched each other, the way Calum and I looked at each other gave everything away. None of the comments were exactly accepting of us, and they were not too thrilled with how I looked on Sunday. I scoffed, who are they to judge me based off twenty pictures of us? And for god’s sake, it was Sunday, I don’t try to look at all decent on the weekends. So, I started laughing, even if deep down it did hurt.

I swallowed down the hurt and continued to laugh as I put the phone to my ear, “That’s all they’ve got? Shit, I might just kiss you the next time we’re in public to see what reaction we get.” The tears welled in my eyes and Calum fell silent. “Baby, I’ve been through way too much shit in my life to let negative comments from people who are not involved in our relationship bother me.” That was literally the opposite of how I actually felt. As much as I can put on a touch exterior, I could literally feel my self-esteem crushing under the weight of negative comments from thousands of people I didn’t know.

Calum let out a half chuckle, half sigh, “You’re sure you’re okay? Do you want me to come over?” His voice sounded so caring that a tear escaped from my eye.

My fingers swiped across my face as I cleared the tear off my face. “I’m fine. Hey, I’m going to head to bed. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?” My voice hitched in my throat and I swallowed it down before Calum could hear it. Of course I wanted him to come over, but after spending so much time with him, maybe asking him to come over was too clingy. From what I could tell, he wasn’t super convinced, but he said okay and we hung up. I played with my bottom lip before bringing up the message thread between Mikayla and me. “I should’ve stayed off twitter, and I just lied to Calum. Oh god, who am I?” Within just a few seconds, Mikayla called me, where I then cried to her on the phone for a half an hour. After I had composed myself, and shut off my phone, I curled into a ball on the couch and pulled Calum’s hoodie over my nose. As the scent of his cologne filled my nose, I closed my eyes, feeling like I was back in his arms, lulling me to sleep.

It wasn’t a good sleep, which was alright because I definitely forgot to turn my phone back on. My eyes were nearly glued shut from the amount of tears that I shed before I fell asleep on my couch. As I sat up on my couch, I ran a hand through my hair. I blinked the sleep out of my eyes as I reached for my phone and turned it on. As my phone powered on, the picture Calum and I took over the weekend appeared on the screen. I closed my eyes and rubbed my hand across my forehead before typing out a message to him. “Good morning, sorry for texting you so early, slept like shit last night. I just wanted to text you and tell you that I hope you have a great day. Xx” The message sent and I set my phone on the couch as I went into the bathroom to take my morning shower.

When I got out of the shower, I left my phone on the couch and walked straight to my room to get dressed. I decided to put a soft wave in my hair and put on a pair of flared, rose colored dress pants with a white satin button up tucked in with a pair of nude heels that were just tall enough that my pants didn’t drag on the ground. After I finished putting on my makeup, I made my way to my kitchen and started the coffee maker. My phone lit up on the couch, catching my attention. My heels clacked on the floor as I made my way over to the couch and picked up my phone, seeing Calum’s name sitting on my screen. “I can’t sleep for shit either. I miss you, have a great day at work. Xx Cal” A smile stretched across, my lips but faded when I remembered everything that I read last night. Instead of letting it bother me anymore than it has, I shake my head and make my coffee and leave my apartment.

When I got to the office, I sat at my desk and sighed. Mikayla wheeled her chair out and held her coffee cup to her lips. “You look amazing, but the dark circles under your eyes tell me you didn’t sleep again. Are you sure you’re okay? Did you have Calum come over last night.” She sipped at her coffee making that annoying slurping noise.

My eyes narrowed, and she immediately stopped, knowing that was one of those sounds that set me off. “No.” I said as I roughly tap the space bar on my keyboard to wake my computer up. “I felt like having him come over was clingy after spending so many nights with him.” After I logged into my computer, I leaned back in my chair and took a drink of my coffee and shrugged, “I just feel like it’s too early in our relationship to spend every night together.”

Mikayla nodded, pouting her bottom lip in thought as she rocked in her chair. “Trevor and I spent the night together in the first month of being together.” My eyes shot towards her and narrowed in confusion. “I spent the night at his house after he asked me to be his girlfriend and it was like we got addicted to each other. After that night, either I slept at his house, or he slept at mine.” She raised her eyebrows and took a sip from her coffee again, “It was only a month later that we decided it would be easier to move in together.” She set her cup down on her desk and shrugged.

My fingers adjusted on my mug, gripping it tighter as I thought about what she just said to me. It’s not that I hated the idea of moving in with him, especially since I had spent more time at his house than I have at my own apartment since we met. Thinking about living with him makes my stomach flip, and I run a hand through my hair to hide my flustered thoughts. I lick my lips and look at my keyboard before leaning forward as if Mikayla would hear me better, even though our desks were still too far apart for us to whisper. “Wouldn’t it be too early for us to move in together?” I wasn’t sure if I was asking her or myself.

Mikayla shrugged, her eyes focused on her computer, “That’s up to you guys.” I jumped when she responded, proving that I was more asking myself than I was her. “There is no set amount of time that a couple should wait before living together, at least not in my mind. You just have to talk to him about that idea.” Mikayla took another drink of her coffee then started typing so furiously that I raised my eyebrows.

I leaned back in my chair and then rolled the chair so that I could see her, “But how do you bring that up? ‘Hey, babe, I think we should move in together even though we’ve only been seeing each other for a month?’”

Mikayla moved her eyes from side to side then finally landed on me. “Yeah, that’s exactly how you bring it up, actually.” He eyebrows furrowed and she lifted her fingers off her keyboard, “Why do you think everything in your guys’ relationship is so hard? Just let it happen. If you’re happy, then it shouldn’t be a big deal.” She raised her eyebrows matter-of-factly and went back to her work.

Even though I went to her with every problem I had, I hated that she was right every time. I wheeled my chair back in front of my desk as I grabbed my phone. My nail tapped on the screen as I chewed on my bottom lip thinking about what I wanted to send to him. My phone vibrated in my hand making me jump half way out of my skin. It was almost as if he knew I was thinking about sending him a message, “What time do you usually have lunch? I wanted to stop by, need to tell you something. Xx Cal.”

My throat worked and my stomach tightened, that didn’t sound very good. My fingers tapped away, “Around noon, is everything okay? If you want, you can meet me in the lobby, there’s a café down there that has some really good food.” The message sent and I stared at the screen as I waited for him to respond.

The grey bubble appeared and I waited anxiously for his message. It disappeared and reappeared a few times before a message finally came through. “Everything’s fine, sunshine. I’ll see you in a few hours. Xx Cal.” I set my phone back on my desk and dropped my face into my hands. After a second, I flicked my hair out of my face and focused on my work.

When it came to lunch time, Mikayla and I walked into the lobby together. Calum was waiting by the front doors, and when he caught sight of me, a smile stretched across his face, and he met me half way. As the space closed between us, his fingers walked across my waist before he fully wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in for a kiss. “You look beautiful today.” He sighed after pulling his lips away from mine.

My cheeks burned as I blushed. I tucked my hair behind my ear and smiled. “Thank you. Do you want to get some food?” I grabbed Calum’s hand and tried to pull him towards the café.

He gripped my hand tighter and pulled me back towards him. “Baby, I can’t stay, I have a meeting I need to go to. Will you come out to my car with me real fast?” With a nod, Calum took my hand and walked me out to his car. He opened the passenger door and pulled out a bouquet of roses. “I was at the store earlier and I saw those and thought of you, so I bought them. It really has nothing to do with why I wanted to stop by, but I thought it would be a nice gesture.” He laughed, closing the door and then leaning against it.

As I smelled the flowers and smiled, he put his sunglasses on his nose, “Thank you, Calum, they’re beautiful.” A smirk twitched at the corner of his lips, I couldn’t help but blush, and a soft shade of pink washed over his cheeks.

Calum nodded, then shoved his hands into his pockets, his smirk fading. “I found out this morning we’re going on a promotional tour for our new album, and then shortly after that we are going on an actual tour.” My heart sank, I knew it was going to happen, but I wasn’t ready. “We leave in three weeks, and I’m going to guess that in the next three weeks, I am going to be insanely busy.” His eyebrows pulled together and he pulled his lips into his mouth.

I continued to hold the flowers up to my nose, but my eyes were connected to his. I faked a smile so he wouldn’t feel as though I was upset. “That’s great that you’re going on tour, you should be excited.” I dropped the flowers and held them at my side.

“I am,” His eyebrows lifted above his sunglasses and his hand rested on his chest. “Don’t get me wrong, I love touring, but we’re just starting to enjoy our relationship, and I’m about to leave. You’ll still be here when I get back, right?” My chest felt heavy.

“Of course I will, are you crazy, I’ll even come visit you. We can FaceTime every night and day, you leaving to do your job is not going to ruin what we have.” I reached up and ran the back of my fingers along his cheek.

A soft smile stretched across his lips. “Can I ask you something, Emily, and you can tell me if I sound absolutely insane.” I nodded and leaned against him, wrapping my free arm around his neck. He responded by wrapping his arms around my waist and looking down before looking up. “I think you should move out of your apartment and come live with me.”

Even though it was a topic Mikayla and I were talking about only mere hours ago, it still took me back. My mind raced and my fingers balled on the back of his neck into a fist. “Baby, I’m not sure if that’s the best idea.” I whispered and looked through his sunglasses.

He looked away from me and pulled a key out of his pocket and shook it between his fingers for a second. “You don’t have to give me an answer right now, but I do want you to have a key so if you want to come over, you can just let yourself in.” My fingers gripped the key as I leaned my body against his and pressed a hard kiss to his lips. “Will you come over tonight after you leave work?” He asked me once our lips parted. Of course I would, even if I wasn’t sure if I wanted to move in with him yet, I was not going to let they key go to waste.

Calum and I bid each other goodbye as I headed back into the building and he headed off to his meeting. When I met sat down next to Mikayla, she eyed the flowers in my hand. She asked me what happened and I held up they key he gave me. “He asked me to move in with him.” Mikayla smiled and I dropped my hands, “I told him I didn’t know if it was the best idea.” I shrugged and dropped my hands to the table. “He also told me that he’s leaving for tour in three weeks. What do you think I should do?”

Mikayla chewed for a second and then looked down and shrugged before sticking her fork in her lunch. “I think you should figure out what you want.” She lifted her fork and put her elbow on the table. “Not just if you want to move in with him, you need to figure out what you want out of him. If you think you’re ready for another commitment, then sure move in with him.” She eyed her fork before shoving it in her mouth, “But if you’re not, then don’t do it.” She mumbled through her food.

Mikayla’s words resonated with me the rest of the day. Every time I would look at the flowers sitting on my desk, I would wince. As I walked to my car, I spun the key to his house around in my fingers. I dropped it in my cupholder and drove to my apartment. Once I got to my apartment, I grabbed a few days of clothes and somethings out of my bathroom and headed to Calum’s. When I got to Calum’s, I used the key to let myself in. “Cal?” I called out, still feeling a bit weird walking into his house without him with me. He didn’t answer immediately, but I took a few steps into the house and heard him call from his music room. I walk down the hallway and dropped my bag in his bedroom. At the end of the hallway, the door to his music room was closed. On the other side, I heard the soft sound of music. I knock once and he tells me to come in. I quietly open the door, not to interrupt just in case he was doing something important.

“Hey, baby. How was the rest of your day?” He pulled the headphones off his ears and he smiled. He looked comfortable in his white “sensation” shirt, dark gray sweat pants, and a light gray beanie. He had a purple bass in his lap and a guitar strap slung over his shoulder. My heart swelled, maybe coming home to this every day wouldn’t be so bad.

“It was okay, I’m not interrupting anything am I?” I pointed to his bass and the camera set up in front of him.

He shook his head, “No, I’m just messing around. Are you hungry? I can fix us some dinner real fast.” I accepted his offer and he put his bass on the stand next to him before moving towards me, pressing a gentle peck to my forehead. We walked together to his kitchen and he told me to sit down. I sat on the barstool and watched him cook. We talked, and I couldn’t believe how much he smiles, and every time he smiles, my stomach flips.

He sat at the barstool next to me as he sat down both plates. As I grabbed my fork, I looked at him, “Why did you ask me to move in?” I asked him twisting the fork in my hand. Something inside me telling me that if he gave me a good reason, I’d want to do it.?

He paused from taking a bite of his food and looked at me, “So that I could have this every day.” I raised my eyebrows, edging him to tell me why he really asked me. He sets his fork on his plate and smirks, “Okay, and because I think you deserve more than that tiny apartment. I was going to pay for a new apartment for you, but I think moving in with me will save us both some money.” He laughed, but I didn’t. He’s always wanting to spend all this money on me, money that I can never pay back. My head spins and I nod slowly, “Is everything okay, Emily?”

“Yeah.” I said completely unconvincing as my thoughts ran around my head. My eyes closed as I dropped my fork onto my plate, “I need to ask you something.” I finally blurted out. Calum raised his eyebrows and swallowed, his Adam’s Apple bobbing. “Are we just together for fun, or are we together to actually try and build a life together?” The words came out of my mouth harsher than I wanted them to, so I didn’t bother to look at him. “I’m afraid that if I move in with you and you do all of these things for me, that we’re going to break up and I’m going to be right back where I was four months ago. I’m not afraid of commitment, I’m afraid of being destroyed a second time.” My voice became shaky towards the end, and I dropped my head to hide the tears that were forming on the rims of my eyes.

Calum dropped his fork and placed his hand on my knee. His hand reached around my face so he could gently guide my face to be looking at him. His eyes sparkled in the light, my stomach filled with butterflies and I blinked away the tears. “I’m scared too, okay? You know that my past relationships were great either. I’m not with you just to pass time. Before I met you, I had completely sworn off relationships and anything to do with them. You’re different, you’re worth it.” He ran his thumb under my eye as a smile twitched over his lips.

My heart skipped a beat after the last words fell from his lips. My head spun as the thoughts raced through. If I was worth it to him, then he was worth it to me. Even if I was scared, maybe he was worth it too. My fingers pressed against the back of his neck as I pulled him towards me, pressing my lips against his. “I’ll do it,” I whispered, “I’ll move in with you.” Calum let out a soft, happy laugh and pressed his lips to mine again. Our lips smiling against each other’s.

We finished dinner and Calum took our plates back into the kitchen and started washing the dishes. My eyes wandered around the house for a minute until I stepped off my chair and walked into the kitchen. My hand grazed his lower back as I stepped around him and started grabbing dishes to put away. He smiled, but pulled his eyebrows together in confusion “If this is going to be my house now, too, I might as well help out.” I shot him a look as he pushed his button lip out in agreement. After he shut off the water, he reached for the towel and dried his hands, his biceps flexing in a devilish way with each movement. My teeth dug into my bottom lip the more I stared at him. To take my mind off him, I look up and my eyes catch sight of the swimming pool, softly lit by the lights under the water. My lips turn upward into a smirk as an idea pops into my head.

Keeping my shit-eating smirk on my face, I turned towards Calum, causing him to stop all of his motions. He raised an eyebrow and draped the kitchen towel over the oven handle. “Have you ever gone skinny dipping in your own pool?” He placed one hand on the edge of the counter and the other on his hip. For a moment, he paused, but then he frowned and shook his head. My devilish smirk turned into a devilish smile before I reached down, holding onto the counter for support and took off my shoes. I skipped towards the backdoor and dropped my shoes off to the side. Without missing a beat, I opened the backdoor and ran outside. Once I was standing at the edge of the pool, I stripped my clothes off and jumped in. When I came up out of the water, I saw Calum standing at the edge of the pool, his hands in his pockets, laughing. “Come on, Cal, just do it.” He didn’t protest, instead he stripped off his clothes and jumped in.

After he resurfaced I swam over to him and locked my arms around his neck. He ran his hands down his face, wiping the water away and then wrapped his arms around my waist. I leaned forward and pecked his lips, suddenly feeling the need for more after the tingling danced across my lips. My lips connected with his again in a needy kiss. As his grip tighten, he let out a quiet groan, no way to hide what was going on under the water. I nipped at his bottom lip and smirked, “Want to continue this inside?”

He shook his head, “I have a better idea.” He reached for my legs, forcing me to wrap them around his waist. He connected his lips to mine while he made his way to the stairs of the pool. His hands held their grip under my thighs as he carried me over to a padded patio couch, laying me on my back. Before I could protest, I was lost in his touch and his body.

26 notes · View notes

generallybarzy · 4 years

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hey there, stranger. iv

one, two, three

an: as you can tell, i’ve been having a really, really rough time lately. I haven’t been posting, so I hope the length of this chapter makes up for it a little bit. Not including a summary here because you all know what this fic is by now, and if not, the other chapters are linked above! I hope you enjoy this. I have to thank @royaltyofhockeylosers, @thirteenisles, and my potato anon for always being there whether I have to talk about this fic or my personal life!! I love you all and I absolute would not have gotten through the past week or even posted this fic without you!!!! The ending scene of this chapter (you’ll see) is the first part of this fic I thought of, what I basically wrote the rest of the fic around, and honestly one of my favorite scenes ever.

word count: 3.7k

the playlist :)

Two more weeks and countless games passed before Mat was asking about another date.

You were sitting in class, daydreaming about that night- his arm heavy around your shoulders, pulling you into his side, his scent surrounding you, his hoodie swallowing you, the way his hand was big and warm in yours, the way his pretty hazel eyes softened when he looked down at you, the way your heart leapt when he leaned down, his eyes slipping shut for that first kiss… when your phone vibrated.

Handsome maty: hey babe! i don't have practice tomorrow, you wanna do something? ❤

The heart emoji made your own heart beat fast. So you were at that point of the relationship already, huh?

You'd never know, but Mat was terrified to send that text. He typed it out and deleted it multiple times, running his hands through his hair and closing his texts to call Tito and ask for advice. Was it too early for hearts? Would you be scared and run off? Would he sabotage a great thing just by showing you how much he cared? But in the end he remembered.

“I wanna date you. Like, officially. I want it to be us.”

“I want it to be us too.”

And God, he really did.

You wanted to go out with him again, you really, really did, but there was one thing preventing you from doing that. And that one thing preventing you from seeing him was the same thing that got you together in the first place: the Seidenbergs.

Rebecca had called you that morning, joyous and chatting about a mystery date she was going on and how Dennis surprised her. And while you were as overjoyed for her as always and couldn't wait to see the kids again, it sucked that even though the older man was retired from hockey now, his and Mat's schedules seemed to be clashing. Whenever Mat wanted to take you out, the Seids were going out.

You: maty, I really wish i could. But I have to babysit tonight 😥

❤maty: no problem, I can come help! The kids already know me anyway

You didn't expect him to be angry really, but you at least wanted him to be upset. You were expecting the sting of guilt when he responded with that sad, puppy-dog way of his. But what you weren't expecting was the easy compliance he gave. It took a few moments for you to process his message, you were overthinking. These weren't your kids, would Rebecca be okay with you bringing Mat as your boyfriend? Or would that be inappropriate? Then, Mat sent another message.

❤maty: or if this is your way of trying to turn me down easy or hint you don't want to hang, you can just tell me. I promise I won't be upset, babe. But I'll come help if you want?

And that did it for you.

The fact that he thought you didn’t want to hang out was hurting your heart. Maybe you didn’t kiss him the other night, but you didn’t want him to think you were uninterested. Especially when it was quite the opposite. You couldn’t stop thinking about him if you tried. As you sat through boring lectures in class about things you once paid attention to, you found yourself daydreaming. Of how his lips would feel on yours, how soft, and pink they looked. How they parted slightly as he leaned down, his warm breath fanning over your own...

You wanted to kiss him, you really did, but something held you back. Nothing had ever felt wrong with Mat before, but something just felt so strange. It felt off, and you hated it. Maybe it was the fact that it had been so long since you had a real boyfriend, maybe you were scared you wouldn’t be good at kissing after so long, maybe you were scared of this relationship getting too serious, that after that kiss, you’d be too far in and Mat would get tired of you. Maybe you were scared of heartbreak again. Whatever it was, you panicked and drew away. He took it so well, he was sweet and patient and didn’t judge you for wanting to wait. And it just made you fall even more.

God, what you would do to kiss him now.

You: trust me, i really want to see you tonight. but we need to ask rebecca and dennis first

❤maty: done ✔

Usually, all your worries about guys went out the window when you walked in the door to the Seidenberg’s household. You could forget about boyfriends, drama, work and your studies for the night and focus on the little kids that had strangely become like friends to you. But tonight, your anxiety about boys- a certain boy in particular- was spiking. You were going to be spending the evening with Mat. You couldn’t help the way your heart was pounding as you tried to compose yourself in the bathroom before the Seidenburgs left on their date. It wasn’t going to be a long night, the sun was already going down, so you’d probably just put on a movie and then take the kids to bed. You smiled at yourself in the mirror as your mind drifted back to the night of your almost-kiss and how patient and gentle and ready Mat was.

“(Y/N), someone’s here for you!” You heard Rebecca call from the front door. You quickly brushed some flyaway hairs back and took a few breaths to steady yourself.

Mat.

“Yeah, I have a feeling I already know who it is!” You called back with a smile in your voice, opening the bathroom door and making your way to the kitchen. Rebecca and Dennis were standing there, ready to leave and, both smiling like they knew something you didn’t, the door was only cracked slightly and Mat hadn’t yet come inside. Before you could even ask why he was still out in the cold, your matchmaker motioned towards the door.

“He’s waiting.”

You could barely even open the door the whole way before your lips fell open in a little surprised O. "Mat."

"Hey there, babe." There he stood on the doorstep, looking absolutely warm and cozy in all sweats and a hoodie, in those signature white shoes he'd been sporting on every date so far. The cold November wind tossed his hair around and a bright flush painted his cheeks in happiness as he held a bouquet of bright flowers out in front of him. When he saw you trying our best to contain your smile, his face split into a huge grin. And when he smiled, your heart almost leaped out of your chest. "You have no idea how hard it was to find these so late in the year."

"Oh my God, Maty."

"I hope this isn’t too cheesy, but I figured, if we're gonna be together all night, we might as well make it a date, right?"

Your heart fluttered, you wanted to pull him close, kiss him right there, but it wasn't the right time, especially not with the Seidenburgs standing right behind you in the kitchen. You reached out, grabbed his hand, and grinned. "Get in here, you big goof. You’re gonna get a cold."

The Siedenbergs were giving their goodbye kisses to the children when you stepped inside with Mat. And as they left, Rebecca winked at you and glanced back towards Mat, who was chatting with Dennis and beautifully oblivious to your cheeky silent conversation and busying himself with the kids. The second he stepped in the doorway, it seemed, the kids were all over him. "Maty!" They must have missed having him around.

It was obvious they missed having him around, as they were jumping around his legs and rambling about things they’d been up to lately the second they could get to him. And Mat listened intently and with the softest smile, and it was obvious he really loved them too.

The youngest children were talking about their day at school when you took the bouquet of flowers out of Mat’s arms, and suddenly they seemed interested. ‘

“You got flowers?"

"Yeah! Aren’t they pretty? They're from Mat." And suddenly the house burst into little "oooooh"s. Ah, children.

"You got (y/n) flowers??? Do you liiiike her?"

"I do like her." Mat’s eyes found yours and smiled, a hopeful, almost unsure smile as if he was really urging you to feel the same. You weren’t about to go on about your still young relationship in front of children, so you just smiled back.

"Are you best friends?"

"No, more than that."

“Ewww-”

“Alright,” You cut them off, just wanting to stay off the topic of feelings, romance, and relationships. This used to be the place you went to forget about those things, but you couldn’t do that with Mat here. Not that you were upset, you loved having him here, but there was something about talking about your relationship that still made you a little uneasy. And you hated feeling uneasy about him. "Do we have any homework to finish tonight?”

Something twisted in your heart while you watched Mat sit at the kitchen counter and help the kids with their homework. There was something so domestic and warm about these situations that it almost made you nervous. Was it way too early in the relationship to be imagining these things with him? It was so soon, everything was happening so fast, that it scared you. You didn’t want to love again, you didn’t want to hurt again, but everything about Mat made you want to risk it all.

That feeling struck you again as you stood in the kitchen, washing their dishes and watching Mat reading at the table with their little boy as the girls colored. Mat was helping him along softly here and there and giving him a little high five at the end of each page, and even though you absolutely did not want children any time soon- you could barely afford to get by yourself- there's just something about a man that's good with kids. And Mat was great with them, probably because he acted like a kid himself and already knew them well.

"Can we have ice cream?" Mat glanced up at you in amusement to gauge your reaction to the bold statement of the youngest girl.

"Ah, I don't know how your parents would feel about that."

“Pleeeeease!”

“Ice cream, ice cream, please!”

“I think the general consensus is that we all want ice cream.” Mat grinned a stupid little shit-eating grin and the children nodded along with him. “C'mon, Y/N. Don't be a party pooper." You almost couldn’t believe that Mat was gonna betray you like this, but it seemed so like him. Taking risks, living, having fun.

"You're such a child, Mat."

He looked up for a moment with wide, worried eyes, as if really worried you were upset with him, but the smile on your face must have given it away, because he smiled back proudly. "Yeah, I am."

"Alright,” You smiled at the looks of glee around the table, from all three of the kids and even Mat. “We’ll have ice cream, but don't tell your parents." The kids cheered thanks at you and Mat, who was still grinning widely up at you from the table. You couldn’t quite read the expression on his face, but when he stood from where he was to take the ice cream out of the freezer and his arm curled around your waist for a second while the kids weren’t watching, you were so flustered you had to look away with a smile. He made you feel so tingly and warm. “So, what movie are we watching tonight?”

A few hours later, you were sitting on the couch with Mat, battling through your second run of The Little Mermaid while the kids watched and colored and got drowsy.

You and Mat had stretched out under a thick, fluffy blanket, your legs on the sectional and his propped up on the coffee table, which he insisted was okay because he "used to do it all the time". Your head was resting against his bicep, and the moment his arm curled its way around your shoulders, your breath hitched in your throat. And he must have noticed because he glanced down at you with that same gentle question as the other night when he tried to kiss you.

Too much? Too soon?

It might have been too much, you might have panicked a little, but if you were learning anything recently, it was that you needed to take a risk and stop being so scared to get hurt. So you curled further against him, bringing a leg up to bend across his lap and winding your arms around his waist. His hand fell heavily onto your knee, rubbing it and pulling you closer in under the blanket, and his lips quirked up a little at the ends. This was warm, gentle, soft, perfect. Everything around was drowned out, save for the noise of both of your beating hearts pounding against each other, and he reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear with pink cheeks.

“Hey there.” His breath fanned across your lips, smelling of the sweet ice cream you’d all been snacking on earlier.

“Hi.”

Your breath hitched in your throat when his hand cupped your cheek, your heart sped up and your cheeks went hot as he furrowed his brows as if considering something.

Please just do it...

🎶"Sha-la-la-la-la-la

My, oh my

Looks like the boy's too shy

Ain't gonna kiss the girl

Sha-la-la-la-la-la

Ain't that sad

It's such a shame, too bad

You're gonna miss the girl"🎶

“(Y/NNNNN).” You snapped up at the sound of your name to see the little boy yawning and rubbing his eyes. Mat swallowed thickly, turning away and refocusing on the movie in front of him, as if he’d even been watching in the first place. “I’m sleepy.”

“Yeah?” You untangled yourself from Mat and stood from your cocoon of comfort under the blanket, despite wanting nothing more than to stay in his arms all night. “Alright, Let’s get you to bed, buddy.”

When you returned to the living room after helping the kids through their nightly routine and tucking them into bed, you found Mat turning off the TV and gathering up the coloring books and dishes to put away. You locked eyes with him, feeling absolutely flustered and wanting to cuddle him. He looked back at you, chewing on his bottom lip as if he had something to say, but he kept silent. It was quiet, but not tense, as you moved around the kitchen. Putting things away and cleaning up and smiling as you bumped into each other. He seemed to open his mouth for a moment, considering his words, but he said nothing, and you couldn't even get the chance to ask him if the two of you could crawl back under the blankets before the front door opened and in walked the Seidenbergs.

Dennis and Rebecca thanked you over and over again, quietly, as the kids were asleep. “I hope Mat behaved himself too.”

“It was like having a fourth kid to look after.”

“Hey, I wasn’t that bad.” He smiled at you across the table, a little secret in his eyes, hinting to the moment on the couch where you’d almost… almost kissed. No one had to know about that. Not yet.

The moment you offered to get an Uber and head home, Mat spoke up softly, grabbing your attention before you could leave. “Hey, my place isn’t too far from here. Let’s go on a walk. We can call you an uber from there?” He spoke almost shyly, giving you a tiny smile, his head cocked to the side and his eyes sparkling with glee, tilting his eyebrow up in question. You only nodded at him, smiling back with matched enthusiasm, and headed out the front door, hand in hand, with the Seidenburgs smiling fondly after you.

Outside, flurries had started coming down, a light dusting of snow beginning to lay in the patches of grass beside you. It was frigid, and even Mat’s hoodie and your own jacket didn’t seem to do much work to protect you. But being pressed against his warm body, your hand in his was so worth it. “Maty, it’s snowing!”

He chuckled at the childlike enthusiasm of your words. “Yeah.”

He watched you with awe as you gazed around at how the snowflakes sparkled in the streetlights. “You know,” you began, squeezing his hand and pulling him back to reality, “I love the snow. I love winter. Everything is so quiet and peaceful. As a kid, you would go to bed one night and wake up the next morning with inches of snow on the ground, without ever realizing anything happened. It happens so quietly, so serenely, so softly, without anyone realizing. It’s a surprise. I love that.”

“Yeah?”

“All the best things happen softly.” There was a moment of silence as the words settled peacefully between you, and Mat pondered your words. “No, that probably sounds dumb.”

“No, that’s beautiful. You could be a poet.” All the best things happen softly. He agreed. Like the way he was falling more and more for you every day, like falling onto a bed of down and soft pillows, like falling into a lover’s waiting arms after a long day, like the warmest embrace of tangled limbs and tickly hair in your face. Like falling in love. “Plus, being cold means cuddling. Like tonight.” He nudged your side teasingly and squeezed you against him. “I liked that.”

“I liked that too.”

“Sorry we couldn’t do something else tonight. I usually don’t make my boyfriends babysit with me so early in the relationship.”

“No problem.” He smiled and tugged you closer into his side. “I love hanging out with those kids. And there’s no place I’d rather be than with you, babe.”

Your face got hot at the pet name. You’d never get used to someone calling you that. It’d been so long. “You’ve gotta be careful calling me babe. I might just fall for you.”

“Huh.” It was barely a whisper, but you heard every word. “Maybe that’s the goal.”

You walked in silence once again, a comfortable, gentle silence, with only the sound of leaves crunching under your shoes and rustling in the breeze, until Mat came to a stop in front of a tall building.

"So, this is my place."

"Yeah?"

"So I should probably call you that Uber…"

"Probably." But Mat made no effort to pull out his phone, his hand stayed still, laced through yours.

The air between your bodies was heavy, not with tension, not with dread, but something much, much softer. Something needy and aching, something that made your cheeks heat up and your hearts beat faster, as you took in the sight of each other. Maybe it was still the idea of being in a relationship again that had you both so flustered, had you both weak in the knees. Maybe you just couldn’t believe you had someone like this. You reached up absentmindedly to tuck a stray lock of Mat’s hair behind his ear, to shake away some of the flurries, giggling softly with him as his hand bumped into yours while reaching up to do the same to you.

“Hey there.”

Mat let out a warm puff of air, a soft sigh, his eyes melting into warm, honey-like pools as he gazed down to you, “Hey.”

“It’s chilly.” You began, but your words were cut off. Cut off by the feeling of a warm palm against your cheek, tilting your head up to meet a pair of lips in a gentle touch. It wasn’t a kiss, not yet, but rather a question. A murmur of hope and a suggestion, a gentle urging to follow him, to dip your toe in and try out the waters, maybe swim with him. And as he began to back up, having asked his question and letting you free to ponder it, your hand unlaced from his and you stretched up on your tiptoes to grasp his cheek. Your hands were small and soft against his cheeks, the tips of your fingers tracing his pretty cheekbones and cupping his jawline and tugging him closer to you, sliding back to the black hair at the back of his neck. A perfect fit. Like yin and yang.

He sighed out against your mouth as you sunk into him, his own lips curling up in a smile as his hands came up to cup you against him in this gentle embrace. Cradling the back of your neck, his fingers chilly and making you shiver as they dipped under your hair.

And when you finally broke apart from what felt like an eternal embrace that had no boundaries, Mat leaned his forehead down against yours, his eyes gentle and sleepy and warm as he gazed into you, and wow, he was so beautiful. He was breathing softly against your lips, as if the kiss had knocked the air from his lungs with its power, no matter how delicate and precious, and each warm puff of air he sighed against your lips made you smile.

“I- uhh,” He laughed sheepishly, reaching his hand up to thread through his hair- a nervous habit you’d realized a while ago. “I kinda forgot to ask if I earned that kiss yet.”

It was your turn to laugh now, sinking back down to your flat feet and leaning up to press a kiss onto his chin. “You did.”

He laughed at your little peck to his chin and pulled you into an embrace, entwining your bodies together and sharing your warmth, not caring who might be able to see you. There it was, he had his kiss. It was better than he'd ever had, better than he could've ever hoped for and better than he ever imagined. And it was with you. Your fingers were combing through his hair, and it was making him sleepy, and he wanted nothing more than to have someone to sleep next to tonight, to watch the snow fall outside his bedroom window from where they lay together in the comfort of his sheets. He wanted the comfort, the coziness, the peace, the softness. And he wanted it with you.

"Well, I hate to ruin the moment," you started, turning to look up at him "But you should probably call that uber soon. Before I freeze to death out here."

"Mhm."

But Mat did nothing, he stayed where he was, gazing down at you and glancing up at his apartment, eyebrows furrowed in thought. "Hey, Mat? Whatcha thinking?" He looked down at you again as you continued to thread your fingers through his dark locks, seeming to have made up his mind about something. With a sigh and a smile, he held your hips and pulled you against him, leaned down, ghosting his lips against yours once more and making your heart pound at the sound of his whisper:

"Stay the night?"

#mat barzal #mathew barzal #mat barzal x reader #mat barzal fic #nhl fanfiction #nhl fic #op #fic

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