#i have been thinking about her for a while now and i rewatched some scenes in the pilot. she's just. incredible

[laufire]

one thing about nikita is that the writers so clearly considered *her* the coolest, most amazing, outstanding, complex, and interesting character in their story. she took loses, she had flaws, blah blah, all that shit that make a well-rounded character, but NO ONE ever upstagged her. it's why she's such an amazing lead, you can feel how much PASSION and FUN and PATHOS goes into her writing. the problem with a lot of others female leads is how often someone else (a male character) overthrones her in the writers' hearts, but with nikita this was never a risk, not for a second.

#i have been thinking about her for a while now and i rewatched some scenes in the pilot. she's just. incredible #you could even say she's their batman xDDD #talking to the void #my thoughts #nikita #nikita mears #the writing tm #nikita thoughts

[athynathens]

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ surprise, princess.

“If I were to flatten my tongue in this delicate pussy of yours, would you cry or mewl?”

PAIRING. Bakugo Katsuki x You/Reader

ALTERNATIVE UNIVERSE. This oneshot covers the My Hero Academia AU. In this universe, Bakugo Katsuki is already a pro hero, but you/reader is a popular actress.

SYNOPSIS. As an actress, your job is to entertain and give content through acting. This also includes fanservice which you don’t mind. However, the only boundary you have is that you refuse to make any pornographic scenes with anyone in the movies or shows because you are only bound to your husband. But, some lunatic decided to disregard your boundary and forces you to film such a scene. Just how exactly will your husband react to this?

WARNING. minors dni, 18+ scenes, mature scenes ahead such as rough sex, cunnilingus, blowjobs, deepthroating, fingering, edging, humiliation, dirty talk, roleplay, knife play, dry humping, passionate kissing

AUTHOR’S NOTES. Idk yall, this scene just happened to popped out my head while rewatching bha lol. Besides, it sounds hot and has an intriguing plot too? So why not decide to make my imagination a reality….through writing lmao. Also please don’t attack me with my shitty smut…it’s been a while since I’ve honestly written one so go easy on me :)

You were beyond irritated, however, you stopped yourself from showing a foul expression in front of the director. This stupid son of a bitch wants you to film a sex scene for the TV series that they are currently filming. His stupid damn reason is fanservice — not that it’s a bad thing since it’s already a norm in this society, but you have boundaries when it comes to fanservices. Your only boundary is that you refuse to film pornographic scenes with anyone because your body is only for your dear husband, Bakugo Katsuki.

“With all due respect, Mr. Director, I already mentioned that I absolutely refused to film such a scene with someone else,” You reminded, praying and asking quietly for help to keep her sanity.

“Oh come on now! Your beauty is such a waste! You should share whatever you have underneath those clothes to everyone, you know?” The director grinned, looking at you up and down, analyzing you like some kind of meat.

Hold back. Hold back. Hold your fucking mouth back. “You flatter me too much. But, I still stand by my words. I refuse to film such a scene. I have my rights when it comes to choices like this,” You firmly said with a smile.

“Don’t give me that bullshit! You wanna talk about choices?! I make your choices! I make all of your choices! I don’t even know why I asked you! When I say you are filming the fucking scene, you are filming the goddamn scene! You understand, bitch?” He screamed, throwing his folder to the ground, causing everyone to flinch, but they resumed their tasks. This is a normal thing in sets so it isn’t anything special, but to think this yelling is about some narcissistic asshole who thinks the world revolves around him.

The director took a deep breath before continuing, “Your scene tomorrow will be about a gladiator from Rome who’s been in love with you so he decided that he wanted to taste you when you go back to your room in the palace. Is that clear?”

Go to hell, you stupid brainless motherfucking— “Crystal Clear.”

The director’s angry expression turned into a satisfying expression. He placed his hands on top of your shoulders. “I knew you were a good girl,” He said darkly, caressing your shoulders. “I’m sorry if I screamed. Although, I wouldn’t even be screaming if you just listened like the good little girl you are, hm?”

Die, you goddamn extra. “Yes, that was my mistake,” You smiled, trying your best to hold back a fucking punch.

The director gave her one last smile then left her to dismiss everyone on set. After that, the rest of the day just became worse for you. You spent the rest of the night just crying and sobbing at the corner of your hotel room while eating ice cream and throwing candy wrappers around. You wanted to call your husband, but you didn’t want to disturb him either since he is probably doing patrols in Japan.

“Stupid fucking director! If I only knew his attitude was like this then I should have never said yes to this fucking series!” You sniffled, getting a tissue to wipe away your tears and snots.

“AND! If only I wasn’t intrigued by the plot then, none of this would even happen! Here I thought, being away from my husband will be a pain! BUT NOOO!! Turns out! This stupid director is the real pain!” You cried out, throwing the tissue on the floor, and stomping your feet on the ground.

The TV series is called The Tyrant. It’s about the middle princess of the Roman Empire falling in love with a tyrant of a king in Greece. And since this is in the Roman/Greek setting, you can say there are a lot of sex scenes, but you’ve managed to get away from them. This is all because of the character you’re playing; your character is the sister of the Tyrant King who has the reputation of being hard on men. And, because she’s the tyrant’s sister, she’s basically untouchable.

The vibrations of your phone caused you to groan in frustration, standing up from the floor as you wobbled towards the bed to get your phone.

You only choked on your saliva to see the name. “WHAT? ITS MEH HUSBAND?!?!” You screamed in shock, losing your balance a bit and fell down to the floor.

You cursed at your stupidity, sitting back up as you fixed yourself and took a deep breath before answering the call.

“Hey, ‘Suki!! Why are you calling??” You asked, acting cheerful.

Katsuki only chuckled. “Am I not allowed to call my wife?”

Your cheeks flushed in redness. “Yes. I MEAN! No! You are allowed! Sorry! It’s just that…isn’t it late morning in Japan? During that time, you are doing patrols.”

For some reason, Katsuki’s husband's instincts activated. He can sense something is wrong with his wife. You may be a good actress, but you sure as hell can’t hide nor act away your true feelings from Katsuki.

“Sweetheart, I’m sorry to break the mood, but are you alright?” Katsuki asked straightforwardly. If there is one thing he learned about relationships is when communicating, don’t beat around the fucking bush — explode your way right through it! Katuski’s words, not mine.

Your silence only confirmed Katsuki’s suspicion. “Baby, turn on your camera.”

“I-I don’t think it’s a good id—don’t make me repeat,” You shivered at this rough tone, gulping at the thought that you had to reveal your hideous self to your lover.

You hesitantly turned on the camera to see a sweaty Katsuki in his hero suit. Your cheeks flared a bit after seeing your husband’s hot state, but at the same time, you were relieved to see your husband again after 2 months apart. Katsuki fumed red to see his cute wife in this state. His veins popped out his forehead as his jaw flexed in anger — he needed to know who the hell messed with the wife of Dynamight.

“Who?” Katsuki growled angrily.

You shook your head. “Katsuki, it doesn’t even matter—everything that involves you fucking matters to me! So you better start telling me, who has hurt my wife?”

Your mouth left a sigh, refusing to even look into his intense gaze. It’s a bit funny because if she was actually in front of Katsuki, he wouldn’t have shifted your head to make you look at him. Thank the lord that he isn’t in front of you at the moment, right?

With that, you started to tell your husband everything — from the shitty director to the tantrums you made in your hotel room.

Yet, as you were explaining, Katsuki remembered the day you announced that you refused to make pornographic scenes with anyone, and this boosted his love for you even more. As the years progressed, you managed to become famous without making such a scene. You even became famous for acting in known movies of today such as Attack on Titan, Haikyuu, and others. Katuski was really proud that you made it to the top, proving to those worthless extras that you are more than just a pretty face. But as you grew more popular, the increase of demands to see you in an R-18 movie really got him possessive and jealous.

Everytime he would go on patrols, he would hear comments about his wife’s physical appearance. He heard many inappropriate and vulgar phrases that boiled his blood. But due to his hero reputation, he couldn’t just blast them off as he used to in highschool. Hence, he would often just glare down on them at such intensity. This was his only limit to tell those horny assholes off.

However, he fucking almost lost it when he heard from Izuku that the paparazzi are taking pictures of his own wife inappropriately. Of course he took action with this through court, but it wasn’t enough to soothe his frustration.

He gets super annoyed by the fact these extras think that they have a chance with you. He gets really pissed with men who ask him about his wife as if he wasn’t the husband. He gets so frustrated when girls clung up to him when they all know he’s fucking taken. He gets truly angry when people don’t know their fucking place.

“What should I do, ‘Suki?” Katuski’s train of thoughts were interrupted by your sweet voice.

The blond paused for a moment, analyzing his wife’s reactions, expressions, movements. With that, he came up with the only conclusion that will help his wife and satisfy his frustration with those pathetic extras going after his wife.

“Go to set tomorrow. I’ll deal with the problem myself,” Katsuki declared evidently, confusing you literally with what he's planning.

“Okay? Sure? But tell me what you are going to do!! So we can be on the same page!!” You asked, hoping he will answer your question.

“Just so what you always do, bunny,” Katsuki grinned.

“Act”

Your head tilted to the side, frowning in confusion as you tried to ask more questions on what’s his alibi. But he proceeded to say his goodnight and love yous before ending the call. Once again, you had the biggest “huh” plastered on your face, and the question only repeats in your head…

— what’s gonna happen tomorrow?

The next day came like a fucking flash, and you did exactly what your husband asked you to do. However, as soon as you got there, the staff just pushed you to the make-up room to prepare you. As the makeup is being done, you read the script, and you swear to Katsuki’s abs, you need to bleach your eyes with holy water. You wanted to choke in disgust with this unholy script. It’s kinda ironic given that she has done this before but only with her husband! Not with some random extra!

The staff now motioned you to dress up for the shoot. Right now, you’re really expecting that Katsuki will barge in the shooting scene and blast the director to bits. He used to do something as violent as that during your highschool days, but he stopped now that he’s a pro hero.

You stare at the mirror to see you are in your white long dress with a cape behind you, however, your back is seen by everyone. Your hair is styled with curls and has the golden leaf tiara on your head with some bangs on the front. You look beautiful, but to think you would show this beauty to someone who’s not your husband. Your eyes quivered, wanting to cry at that thought, but you held back.

You began to think, “I thought ‘Suki will do something?”

A knock on the door caught your attention, diverting your eyes to the door to see the staff asking you to take position on set. The staff also mentioned, to lift up your mood, that the director looks very pale for some reason. The staff joked that he probably met a monster or something. You giggled at the staff’s words, and it helped lift up your mood a bit.

After minutes of last minute touches with the settings and make up. Every actor went to their places as cameras began to start rolling in…

5…

4…

3…

2…

1…

ACTION!

“Oh by the Gods! That impudent brother of mine will never learn how to treat a lady right! Tell me Zeus! What did my brother do in his past life to bear such attitude?” You rubbed the temples of your nose as you walked through the corridors of this magnificent hall of the Roman Empire.

“Brother, I did not spend 6 months in this empire of unholiness for you to lose your lover in one sitting…” You muttered quietly, disappointed at how your dear brother treated the middle princess harshly.

“Your highness!” An attendant screamed.

You turned your head to see your personal secretary running to you with loads of papers. “What’s wrong? What has my absurd brother done again?”

The attendant let out a sweat. “You are right that it is your brother, my princess, but it’s more than that,” The latter hyperventilated. “It turns out that your mother threatens your brother to leave his lover at once or else Rome will face the consequences. I even heard that it was ordered by you.”

You let out a small growl, veins popping though your forehead. “This is what mother wants. A war between Greek and Rome for power and a war between siblings for the throne. She knows that I am the only one who is capable of stopping my brother, hence why she is using that advantage.”

“That foul ungrateful woman!” The attendant cursed.

“Indeed she is. Rest assured that I will work on a solution, but now I must return to my chambers to rest for today was tiring,” You said, gesturing to her room with her head.

“Of course, princess. Have a good rest.”

With that, you exited the scene to return to your resting chambers. Your room is an open area with the great columns surrounding the room. You were smart enough to choose a room with a great valley view and is not easily peaked through by anyone. In the middle of the room is a big circular sunken bathtub with rose petals. Your bed is found at the side with large tables filled with papers and books. You only sighed tiredly, walking to your table as you removed the tiara in your head.

That’s when you heard the doors opening.

“Perfect timing! Please tell the rest of the maids to prepare my bathing tools. I will be bathing myself today also so—” You gasped loudly when a pair of large but familiar hands grabbed your tits from behind.

Oh, you are so going to kill the actor for touching you vulgarly.

But before you can even react, those hands immediately pull your nipples, causing you to grit your teeth as you arch your back. A rough arm circled around your waist as the other hand squeezed your one tit with all his might. You gasped at this familiar sensation. This only caused you to think because this familiar sensation is only given to you by your husband…

…but there’s no way that Bakugo Katsuki is in Rome?

That’s when you heard a familiar dark chuckle. “My, oh my, princess.” Your eyes quivered at that familiar rough tone. His familiar hands grabbed both your tits once more, squeezing it but also spreading them apart, causing you to whimper.

“Who would have thought, hm?” You quivered violently as your head looked back to see a familiar blond hair. “That the great warrior princess of Greece would make such an erotic sound?”

You turned pale, freezing on the spot to see your one and only husband behind you — touching, staring, groping you.

“H-How are you he—” A large mouth held your jaw tightly, covering your mouth. Your body hair stood up at this sensation, as you stared at his intense and lustful gaze.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk, princess. Don’t ask stupid questions. It’s better to worry about what's happening in front of you now.” You got caught off guard with what he said, realizing that he’s indirectly telling you to continue acting, and asking for questions is for later.

Shit! What was my line? BKBJWOWP!?! Damn you, Katsuki for being too hot! “You insolent peasant! How dare you touch someone superior to you!” You managed to speak out, despite the pleasure you are receiving from your husband.

“Superior?” He lets out a laugh, bending you with his bulky chest. “I believe that it is, I..” He whispered to your ear, fondling your tits more.

“…am superior to you.” He growled inhumanly, pushing you towards your desk. You attempted to get up, but he pinned you harder to the desk. This only brought pain to your pelvic bone and breast. Bakugo looked down to lick his lips, witnessing your struggles.

He grabbed his dagger from his sandals, spinning it around before landing the tip in your back. You shuddered below him, feeling the sharp object traced your exposed back. “Fuck, princess. Did you have any idea how much this outfit of yours arouses me? Your fucking exposed skin is asking to be touched.”

“T-That wasn’t even my intention to do—” You gasped loudly when he traced the dagger lower, circling it as he placed a bit more pressure.

“Don’t lie to me, princess. Bet you’ve been wanting men to fuck you right there? Maybe that’s the reason why you’ve been wearing such clothes…” He grinned, putting the dagger down. You immediately shook your head to respond to his question, but he gripped your soft hips, pulling them closer to his hard bulge. Your eyes went wide to feel how hard and big he is.

You turned your head to the side with the support of your shaking arms to see the huge tip poking up your ass cheeks. “Yeah, that’s right. Fucking see how hard you made me,” Katsuki licked his lips with such tantalization.

He spread your asscheeks apart to make room for the rest of his cock. You tried to grip something — anything — for support, and you ended up gripping a book. Katsuki threw his head back, feeling his cock wrapped around your warm asscheeks. “Fuckkkk, princess. This is way better than my fantasies.”

You flinched violently under him, which Katsuki noticed. His expression turned into a twisted expression, grinning psychotically at your reaction. He bent down till his bare chest touched your exposed back, he traced your stomach to your neck, wrapping his fingers around it.

He brought his head closer to your ear and whispered, “Did you like the idea of me having fantasies about you, hm?”

You were about to respond when he spoke again. “I fantasize about you every night. My cock throbs for you, princess. I would relieve myself almost everyday, trying to imagine what your walls would feel around me. I often think of ways on how to ravish your body in different positions. My mouth yearns for the taste of your exquisite pussy. Tell me, princess. If I were to flatten my tongue in this delicate pussy of yours, would you cry or mewl?”

“I-I don’t know…” You muttered softly, gripping whatever you are holding tighter.

Katsuki’s eyes looked at the wall near your bed. He grinned sinfully, already having an idea. “Let’s find out, shall we?”

He lifted you up with ease, pushing your back towards the wall as he held you tight and high. He held you up so high that you could see your entire room. The blond did not waste the time to fumble across your dress, ripping the undergarments and immediately dived down. You didn’t even have time to react, but you felt a warm sensation against your pussy.

“EEK!” You gasped, throwing your head against the wall, back arching with your teeth gritted and eyes wide.

“W-Wait!” You pleaded, but he flattened his hot tongue on your pussy harshly, not wasting any juices coming out. He continued to drag his tongue all over your pussy, tasting every single corner. You pussy twitched violently when he bit your clitoris, stimulating more juices to come out. Then, he wrapped his arms around your thighs till his hands met your pussy. He used his hands to toy with your clitoris as he sucked harder.

Your eyes went wide as you immediately held his blond hair. You instinctively pushed his head closer to your pussy. He flicked, rubbed, pinched your clitoris, causing you to jump in euphoria, as you mewl louder and louder.

That’s when you felt something warm go inside you. You screamed violently, gripping his hair tighter. His tongue started to wiggle inside you, skilfully tasting you. Your head kept going side to side, not knowing what to even do. Soon, you shivered in ecstasy which caused you to lean your upper body forward. His tongue curled, hitting a specific spot which stimulated you to roll your eyes back.

“P-Please..! S-Something’s c-coming!” You whimpered, hoping for a release soon, but that’s when he pulled away. This made you sob literally.

“W-Why…” You asked, still holding his hair. “W-Why did you stop…?”

Katsuki looked up to only shiver at the state of his wife; messy hair, sweating body, dress crumbled, eyes dilated with tears, mouth dripping with saliva. Holy fuck, his cock couldn’t possibly get harder than before. It’s been 2 whole painful months since they’ve had sex. Katsuki missed this look on your fucking face, and he’s been wanting to see more.

“Now, now, now, sweetheart. It isn’t fair that you are the only one who gets all the fun. As the princess, don’t you think it’s your duty to tend to your subjects?” Katsuki asked with a small smirk, putting you down on the ground. Your only reaction to that is stumbling on your feet. You had to hold him for support.

“I-I don’t know how to s-suck your t-thing…” You confessed shyly.

He only chuckled. “Don’t worry, princess. I got you,” He cockily said with a wink. He then dragged you to the side of your bed, and he pushed down his clothing on his lower region. You only watched, while on your knees, how his muscles flexed at every movement he does. His veins would pop out, scaring you a bit that it might pop. And oh fuck his pecs, they are fucking big and hot.

“Careful sweetheart. I might be eaten alive by your eyes,” He teased, removing the last armor attached on his body. Then, he sat down on the bed with his legs wide open, revealing his humongous cock. Hot damn his cock slapped your face as he sat down on the bed. You licked your lips as you analyzed his cock; it was infact fucking huge and veiny. His tip was already leaking as it would twitch from time to time.

“Princess.” You flinched with his husky tone.

“I am not a patient person…” He reminded, rubbing his thumb across your lips.

He stared down at your mouth sensually “I want this…” His thumb traced your lips “…small mouth of yours filled with my cock.”

He used his thumb to open your mouth wider. “Go on, princess.” He brought his cock closer to your face.

“Wrap those pretty lips around my cock.”

You licked his shaft slowly, tracing your tongue up and down. Next, you wrapped your hands around his shaft, pumping it slowly as you continued to lick areas of his cock. Katsuki threw his head back, leaning backwards as he held his body weight with his arms. He lets out a small grumble when he feels his tip being engulfed by your warm mouth. His hips stuttered, feeling his tip being sucked on harder. He gripped the sheets as his feet curled in ecstasy.

Feeling a bit braver, you began to take his cock deeper in your mouth, causing Katsuki to growl, “Damn, baby girl. Your mouth feels so fucking good.”

The sudden praise ignited something within you, so you began to suck on his cock harder as you bobbed your head back and forth. Katuski screamed in bliss, holding onto your head tightly with one hand as he began snapping his hips into your mouth. Your eyes went wide at the sudden action, tears started to form once more in your eyes.

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” He grunted heavily, holding your head with both of his hands, tangling your hair with his fingertips as he thrusted violently inside your mouth. Your eyes rolled back at this new sensation, his cock hitting the back of your throat which made you gag a lot.

Katsuki laughed at the state you’re at. “Yeah. That’s right!” He thrust a bit harder. “Gag on my cock, sweetheart.”

His heavy balls slapped your chin violently, inhaling that muscular gladiator scent of his. Tears began to drop from your eyes as he continued to engulf your mouth.

“Shit! Where did all your pride go, princess? Was that all just an act to rile me up?” He laughed, clenching his jaw after feeling a familiar sensation riling up.

With all of his strength, he pulled away from your mouth as he shivered strongly at the lost sensation. Meanwhile, you cough violently as you sniffle through your nose. You tried to regain the breath you’d lost while sucking his dick. While doing so, you felt warm hands cupping your cheeks.

You looked up to see Katsuki’s eyes full of love and desire. He held you higher, signaling you to stand up from the ground. After you stood up, you two finally crashed into each other’s lips. He groaned loudly, feeling the wave of happiness surrounding him after feeling his wife’s lips again. His hands traveled down his wife’s back to her ass, giving it a tight squeeze. You moaned in his mouth as you continued to passionately engulf each other’s mouths.

Due to the aggressive kissing, the two of you walked back slowly towards the bed. Katsuki sat down first, not even separating his lips from you. His hands began to slide down the strap of your dress, attempting to feel more of your skin. You brought your dress up and sat down on his lap, purposely lining the folds of your pussy on the skin of cock. The blond shivered, feeling how wet you were so he gripped your waist to pull you closer and pressed you more down his cock.

Your hands trace up his muscular shoulders and then to the back of his hair, gripping it tightly. Subconsciously, you began to rock your hips against his hard cock. Katsuki pulled back to moan at the feeling. This immediately made you rock your hips in a steady phase while holding the back of his hair.

“I’ll admit, Gladiator,” You spoke, shocking Katsuki a bit. “You have the balls to even enter the room of the sister of the Tyrant King.”

You giggled, “That’s why I wanna be honest with you, lover boy,” You whispered in his ear.

“The d-day I entered the Colosseum! You were the only gladiator that caught my attention! E-Everytime I would go to the Colosseum, I would often l-look for y-you! I also f-fantasize a-about you!” You moaned, coating his cock with your juices.

“I w-would often p-play with m-myself, t-thinking about h-how your cock would s-shape my insides! I want—fuck!—that to happen!” You whimpered, tears forming on your eyes as you try to reach for your release, thus rocking your hips faster and faster.

Katsuki’s eyes turned animalistic, holding your hips in place. You whined that your husband stopped you once again. “W-Why—Are you sure?” He asked, gripping your hips tighter.

Despite being all messed up, you knew those eyes of his; he’s asking for confirmation if it’s alright to bury his cock inside you right now.

You nodded violently. “I-I want you…! P-Please give me e-everything!”

Katsuki snapped.

“ALRIGHT, EXTRAS! STOP THE CAMERAS! EVERYONE OUT!” He roared loudly, scaring the staff and making you remember that they were filming a scene.

“B-But, Mr. B-Bakugo—didn’t you hear a word I said, you dumbfuck?” He growled one more time, interrupting the director who almost fainted in fear.

“Y-You heard the pro hero! EVERYONE! SCATTER!” The director yelled, throwing his papers in the air and ran away. Every staff laughed at this, relieved that someone has finally put that narcissistic director in his place.

You genuinely forgot that you were filming for a show, and it embarrased you a bit to show this side of yours to the staff and your co-stars. You only placed your head on Katsuki’s shoulders which made him chuckle. The blond caressed your back, comforting you with sweet words and pet names. From time to time, you would lift your head up to see if they left, but you only saw your staff giggling in excitement as your co-stars gave you a teasing smile and thumbs up. After minutes of waiting, they are finally done. They didn’t hesitate to run away to give them the privacy they needed.

With that, Katsuki lets out a loud laughter which causes you to only hit his shoulder. “Damn it, Katsuki! Why did you show up like this? You couldn’t have told me!”

“Sorry, princess,” He grinned, adding a tone with the pet name. “I wanted it to be a surprise.”

You only sulked, hitting his shoulders again which made him laugh. After laughing, Katsuki brought his fingers closer to your face, removing the hair that covers your beauty. “I’ve missed you, [name],” He smiled, caressing your cheeks.

“I’ve missed you too” You shyly confirmed, leaning your head towards his hand.

“Wanna continue this roleplay, sweetheart?” He asked, completely destroying the romantic tension with his horniness.

You giggled, wrapping your arms around his shoulders. “You’re into roleplay, Katsuki?” You asked, rocking your hips slowly to tease.

Katsuki chuckled, slapping your ass playfully. “Didn’t consider it first, but now I might consider it because holy fuck, you look so damn hot acting.”

You blushed with his words. “Well, I thought the same. You look really hot acting as a gladiator,” You admitted, arching your back subconsciously.

Katsuki smirked, pulling the ends of your hair down which caused you to look up. “Is that a yes, princess?”

You returned the smirk. “Show me what you’ve got, Gladiator.”

Katsuki’s eyes quivered in lust, bringing his hands on his wife’s chest to rip out the cloth. The action made your breast bounce violently, making you yelp in surprise. Before you can even react, his mouth dove down to your tits as he sucked them with all his might. He used his other hand to press your nipple down to your breast, causing you to hiccup at the action.

“‘Suki… not too r-rough..!” You pleaded, attempting to pull his mouth away from your sensitive breast.

“Oi,” He growled, grabbing your jaw roughly and stared at you with intense eyes. This psychotic-like gaze made you pale in sweat. “You don’t get to tell me what to do, princess.”

“If I want to do something to you, you will fucking accept it,” The hand on your jaw traced down your breast.

“Meaning, if I want this…” He stopped his hand on your stomach. “Filled with my seed, then it will be filled with my fucking seed.”

Your eyes went wide, standing up from his lap as you attempted to run away from this mad man. Your heart dropped when you felt yourself being pushed roughly onto the bed. You fell by your side as you bounced a bit. Your teary eyes opened to see that the gladiator is on top of you.

“There’s no use of running away, princess,” He chuckled, getting the ends of your hair.

“And even if you run, I will find you, sweetheart,” His lips kissed the ends of your hair as he locked his lustful and intense gaze on your soul.

Katsuki licked his lips, seeing how you were displayed below him. Your eyes are dilated with tears with your cheeks red as lips are puffy. The dress is now torned apart, leaving only the lower skirt; this new look on you only emphasized how erotic you look. Your thighs locked together, staring at him with such a look. And fucking hell your breast, they were smuddered with his salvia and bites.

He wanted — no wait — he craved more.

With that, he grabbed his throbbing cock, giving it a few pumps. Then, he aligned it on your vagina area. That’s when you shot your head up, feeling his twitching tip at your entrance.

“W-Wait! G-Give me a momen—” You screamed when he rammed everything in. Your entire body was trembling violently with your back arched and eyes rolled back. Katsuki almost came when he felt the smooth walls of his wife again. He felt his hips twitching, almost releasing his seed inside of her.

You tried to grab something, anything, but your hands just kept thrashing around.

Katsuki licked his lips, combing his hair back. “You feel this, princess?” He asked, tracing to your abdominal, touching the place where he can feel the tip of his cock.

He bent down and whispered, “Your tight cunt managed to take all of me.”

He rolled his hips slowly and gently. “Ya feel that?” He smirked, pressing down your abdomen which stimulated something inside you.

You only replied with a loud whimper. “W-WAIT! D-Don’t do that!” You begged, attempting to remove his hands. Katsuki only scoffed, pressing his hand down further. This action made you come as eyes rolled back with back arched.

This made the blond left with utter shock. You came, and he hasn’t done anything to you just yet. Although he flinched as soon as he felt your walls tightening, and this made him laugh out loud. Your teary eyes only stared at him with shock, getting scared with what’s going to happen.

Katsuki then wrapped his hands around your neck, giving it a tight squeeze. “I’ll be damned, princess. You creamed my dick pretty damn good.”

A tear fell down from the side of your eye in embarrassment, attempting to hide your face. “D-Don’t say t-that…”

Katsuki’s eyebrow arched. “That what? The warrior princess creamed a mere gladiator’s cock?” He gave you one hard thrust.

“It’s too late to have regrets, sweetheart because tonight’s about ravishing my very own ambrosia,” He declared lustfully.

He pulled out his cock, leaving the tip only to only slam everything back inside you harshly. You choked a sob, your tears falling down your eyes at the feeling. He continued to rock his hips in a rough matter, only leaving his fat tip inside then slamming back inside you. Fucking hell, you can feel the bed creaking like crazy from the brutal force Katuski’s giving you.

Katuski indeed fucks you like you are his last ambrosia ever. His hips continued to abuse your pelvis with his brutal force, causing you to scream loudly at the pain and pleasure. His hands gripped both of your tits, holding it tightly as he threw his head back at this feeling. You can only hold his wrists, attempting to remove his hands away from your sensitive breasts.

“Shit, shit, shit…!” He gasped, shaking in pleasure as he pressed his finger down your nipples.

Your eyes rolled back, arching your back as you came again violently.

Katsuki laughed darkly. “Yeah, that’ fucking right. Cream on my cock, princess!”

You jolted when he actually pulled out, causing you to whine a bit at the lost feeling. But your eyes went wide when he flipped you over like a ragdoll. You are now on your knees with your back arched. His hands fumbled your lower skirt, ripping it to pieces, making your entire body presented to him. He did not waste time and shoved everything back inside harshly, causing your body to move forward.

Your pupils shrunk in shock, feeling his cock even more in this position. You can properly see how his cock harshly pushes inside you — holy fuck, you can feel his pre-cum too. He bent down, colliding his chest to your back as he traced his hand to your pussy while the other was wrapped around your neck.

You choked once again, feeling yourself being suffocated with his hands while shuddering at his fingers stimulating your abused pussy. He kept rubbing it harshly while assaulting your pussy with his cock. In impulse, you hold his hand that’s choking you as more tears flow down more.

“S-Slow down, p-please..!” You begged, feeling yourself too stimulated already.

“Go faster? You got it, sweetheart,” He grinned, inserting a finger inside your pussy as he rammed his cock inside you even faster and harder.

You screamed. Your tits violently moving up and down at the rough pace, your thighs shaking again as you can feel something building up again. You know it’s coming — you fucking know it. There’s no way in hell you can hold this back.

“Hold it! Hold it! Fucking hold it!” He slapped your ass, grabbing both of your arms, holding them together behind your back.

“Disobey, and watch me edge you over and over again,” He roughly grunted, pushing his hips forward brutally.

You can only whine in return, forcing yourself to hold it in, no matter how hard and painful that can be. To help you hold your orgasm, you hold the sheets till your knuckles turn white. Your toes curl till you can’t even feel them anymore.

Katsuki grumbled, “Fuck! Here it is!” He gripped your hips tighter, pounding faster and rougher. He can see how your skin bounces back and forth from every thrust he makes. He subconsciously licked his lips at this alluring sight. Katsuki continued to use your hips at a rapid speed, throwing his head back in ecstasy.

You felt his hips stutter, signaling you he was about to release. Katsuki chuckled, feeling your soft walls getting tighter, “You better cum with me, Princess.”

And you did.

You came in unison with your husband.

Tears fell down your eyes, pupils rolled back as your hips stuttered at the feeling of the hard orgasm from your husband. His thick and hot cum invaded your insides, causing you to shiver in delight. You gasped in shock, feeling your husband still hard. Your head shook in disbelief, knowing what’s going to happen next.

“‘Suki, a-are you gonna pull out?” You asked.

Katsuki chuckled, “You want me to pull out?” He grinned, pulling your ass cheeks apart, glimpsing your wet juices and mixed cum dripping from your pussy.

He rocked his hips slowly, “We ain’t even finished yet, princess.”

Oh, sweet mother of—

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ 𝙣𝙤 𝙛𝙪𝙡𝙡 𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙮 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙩.

#bnha bakugou #katsuki bakugo mha #bakugou x reader #bakugou x you #katsuki bakugo x reader #bakugo smut #smut #pro hero bakugo x reader #actress reader #mha oc #mha smut #mha bakugou #my hero fanfic #my hero academia #boku no academia #boku no hero fanfic

[apollos-boyfriend]

this is like. all fully speculation. but i was rewatching some of jaiden’s nuzlocke videos, and them combined with a recent clip of hers i saw talking about how she’s not even sure why quackity chose her for the qsmp made me connect why he might’ve picked her. because like. i think nearly everyone was a bit shocked, if not confused, to see her on the lineup. despite having been in the scene for a while—her first public animations were for ihascupquake, after all—jaiden isn’t your first thought when you think of minecraft youtubers. as far as i’m aware, she was on one smp before the qsmp—epicsmp, and we all know how that ended.

no, jaiden isn’t who you’d think of when you think minecraft youtuber. but she is who you’d think of when you think storyteller. which, yeah, is kind of obvious. there’s a whole subcategory of youtube for animated storytellers, and jaiden’s been one of the front runners for years now. but the thing about jaiden specifically is that she doesn’t just tell stories. she shapes them. you can really see that the most with her animated nuzlockes. she’s given scenarios and events that are largely random and arbitrary, fully just game coding and out of her control, and she turns them into her story. her platinum nuzlocke specifically highlights this with the giratina, two jaidens storyline she creates to explain her resetting the run and attempting the elite four again.

live mcrp HEAVILY relies on having to go with the flow of the game, and learning to work around in-game mechanics and limitations to create a storyline out of. things that are story-important, like pets or npcs, are fragile and can be taken away at any moment, be it by a mob, glitch, or player error. you have to be able to think on your feet to not only work around it, but create a narrative to explain that decision fitting into the canon and story instead of just taking it at face-value. and that’s exactly what jaiden’s been doing for years now with a lot of her gaming-based content. quackity would need people accustomed versatile storytelling as much as he’d need people accustomed to survival minecraft itself, and jaiden is nothing short of an expert at her craft

#icarus speaks #idk i just have a lot of love for her #and her storytelling capabilities #and it just. hit me. how well suited she is for mcrp #because she creates from the arbitrary #she takes game mechanics and turns them into concrete storylines #and yeah! that’s what mcrp relies on! #utilizing game mechanics and randomness to create a story #you have to really be creative and think outside the box to connect mechanics to in-character development #and that’s what jaiden’s been doing for years! she’s MADE for stuff like this #and i think that’s partially why she specifically was chosen

[mormegils]

korrasami and longing

please walk with me here, i wanna make a point.

i recently rewatched tlok, and remember someone pointed this out years ago after the finale dropped but i don't remember who was it, or where it was posted. i can't find it so i assume it's gone by now, and i wanted to give my own thoughts.

SO. we all know the 3 years korra and asami spent away from each other between book 3 and 4 is very important to their story. in reunion, asami tells korra she's been talking to her father again and is thinking about forgiving him. korra is concerned that hiroshi might wanna hurt her again, and asami goes off:

obviously korra was just worried and had no ill intentions, but asami's reaction is understandable. personally, i would at least feel a little bothered if someone who disappeared for years and refused to keep in touch after a while wanted to judge what i was doing with my life all of a sudden.

especially after having offered to give up everything to go with and support her in any way possible, and everything i got was a quick decline and a big ass ghosting after a couple of letters...

anyway. then we have this scene in kuvira's gambit:

i've watched some reactions on youtube and most people didn't GET it. it's not a surprise since it's a trend in avatar fandom to misunderstand korra's character a lot (and the writers fumbled a little bit with korrasamis development in b4 imo).

this is not a badass korra™ scene or something out of place, it's actually simple: korra knows how it feels to be distant from the ones you love and not being able to do much about it, because it happened to her. korra's body recovered relatively fast and she could've came back sooner but, as toph told her in the swamp, korra was unconsciously sabotaging herself so she wouldn't be susceptible to getting hurt again. still, it felt so horrible to be separated from someone she cared about that she --knowing that bataar jr had love and devotion for kuvira-- used it a fucking threat to get him to talk!

and we reach THE korrasami scene, where they finally get some time alone after the battle and things have cooled down a bit, and the first thing korra does is apologize:

this is one of the few times since coming back that korra actively shows regret from what happened. it's the only time she apologizes for it, and it's to asami.

asami's answer is heartbreaking, but it is what it is. she could've lost both korra AND her dad, the people she cared for the most, but she still has korra. she's here. and that's what matters now.

#to whoever wants to read it i guess #*runs away* #it's sad that korrasami didn't get as much development as they deserved #but I'll always find it cool that they have lots of parallels with the other couples of the show #i had to make collages to put all the needed screenshots sorry #this is terrible but whatever #korrasami #tlok #the legend of korra #korra #asami sato

[cvntrlseecvntrlvee]

home is where the heart is

↠ pairing: wonwoo x reader ↠ genres: fluff ↠ word count: 900~ ↠ a/n: thinking abt bestfriend!wonwoo today 🥺 also ty to @hannieween who always reads all the little drabbles i type into her inbox, that’s how we ended up with this. she also helped write part of it, the an at the bottom will explicitly say which bits!! hope you guys like it uwu

bestfriend!wonwoo who keeps you company after your break up with your shitty ex boyfriend.

bestfriend!wonwoo who lets you lean on his shoulder while you guys watch the latest episode of bake off and you’re ugly crying with a tub of ur favourite ice cream.

how he tries to distract you the next day by inviting you to play mario party because some of the boys are over and he doesn't want you to wallow in your room by yourself.

the way, after the boys leave, he takes you into his arms while on the couch and letting you snuggle into the warmth of his chest as you sniffle a little. wonwoo smells like fresh laundry and he rubs a comforting hand up and down your back.

to you, wonwoo was home.

this is basically yours and wonwoo’s dynamic haha.

and he would never admit it out loud, but he honestly loves it. he loves as you ramble mindlessly, asking him pointless questions about nothing and everything at all. he remains quiet, but every now and then he’ll say is that so? setting you off on another tangent. 

you laugh at your own jokes, which makes him laugh as well. it's the kind of laugh that makes his nose scrunch and makes him push the rim of his glasses up a bit.

and when ur away for the weekend, visiting ur parents, and wonu is home alone, the silence is deafening, and he misses you. 

he misses you during breakfast, how you'd grumble about having to go to work and rant about the woes of capitalism and the five day work week. 

he misses you when he's rewatching the previous episode of bake off on the cold couch alone, and how you'd be telling him about the history of shortbread and something about an alliance between scotland and france. 

he misses you when he's out walking the dog after dinner and how you'd be talking his ear off about every little thing that happened to you that day, in chronological order.

wonwoo's life is quiet and greyscale when you're not there and he misses the colour of your laugh and your smile and the sound of your voice.

one night, he finally convinces you to go out to the movies with him. you've been feeling better lately, and you can't remember the last time you cried about your ex.

he buys you the biggest tub of popcorn, making sure the worker slathers it with extra extra butter (even though he knows its gonna give him a tummy ache later). and he watches you fondly as you try to choose between the buncha crunch or mike and ikes (his two favourites) before settling on both. 

he also gets you a cola slushie, but your hands get cold from holding the cup, making you clasp them together between your thighs when you finally go to sit down, and he wishes, god how he wishes, he could just grab your hands to warm them up a bit.

you guys decide to see the latest action movie, a genre which you love, but sometimes you can't handle the blood and gore that comes with it. so when the bad guy's about to get sliced to hell, wonwoo quickly throws his hand up to cover your eyes.

you grab his hands to move it away because im a big girl, wonu, i can handle a little blood (except your pants are on fire and you absolutely cannot) but he knows this and does not budge.

and when the scene is finally over and he moves his hand away from your face, you're still holding on to it, not letting go

wonwoo sends you a look but you've got ur eyes glued to the movie, as if holding his hand is a normal occurance (it's not) and you're not freaking out like wonwoo currently is (you are, in fact, freaking the fuck out).

wonwoo settles back in his seat, loving the way your hands feel around his and laces his fingers with yours. you keep his hand in your lap, squeezing everytime sometimes stressful or surprising happens on screen and wonwoo rubs back and forth on the back of your hand when you do.

when the movies over, you still don't let go of his hand, and neither does he. not when you’re picking up ur bag to sling over your shoulder, not when he's picking up the empty food boxes to throw away, and not when you're walking home together in the cool of the night, as you rehash the movie ending, swinging your hands between you when you get a little too excited with your theories

you're both still unwilling to let go of each other's hands when you make it back to your shared apartment, as wonwoo keys in the door code, and it isn't until you're in the hallway, in front of your two bedroom doors, that you realise neither of you want to ever let go.

so you don't.

you let wonwoo hold onto you tightly while you tell him you had a lot of fun tonight and he replies saying he always has fun when he's with you. and you get on your tiptoes to press a soft kiss to his cheek, both of your cheeks warming up.

and it isn't until then that wonwoo let's go of your hand, choosing to instead grab your face with both of his and leaning down to kiss you sweetly

wonwoo tastes like a mix of movie theater butter, fruity candy and salted chocolate.

and best of all, wonwoo tastes like home.

a/n: this is my first time writing something in this sort of format! let me know what you think!! also the first part aboutt he rambling and the bit aboutt he cola slushie are courtesy of v, she's really fab and you all should go read her writing 👀👀👀

here are some lil extra bits that i didn't put into the drabble but i still think are cute to think abt hehe

gif 1 by @jeonsupershy // this wonu when he finally gets the girl he's loved all his life

gif 2 by @meowonhao-main // this wonu when you shyly nod yes to wonu asking you out to a real dinner date

this wonu (yes, im obsessed w this photo leave me alone) when you climb into his lap to snuggle after a really shitty day at work

this wonu when you whine that his kisses are too sweet and you want him to kiss you like a man

this wonu when he's about to ask you to marry him and legally be stuck w his loser gamer ass for the rest of ur life

u when u say yes because he's YOUR loser gamer ass and u love him so SO much 🥺🥺🥺

#seventeen fic #wonwoo x reader #seventeen x reader #wonwoo scenarios #wonwoo fanfic #writing #mine #title: home is where the heart is #author: cvntrlseecvntrlvee #band: svt #member: wonwoo

[chirpsythismorning]

Mike's character regression can be explained in large part by one emotion in particular: guilt

Just want to preface this by saying that, this is not Mike slander. I love this dude. In fact, I think what makes Mike such an interesting character is that a lot of his behavior throughout the series can be explained in part by previous moments, and after really looking at all these moments together, what you end up with is a pretty fucked up story.

So while some might want to take this as Mike slander, these points I'm making are a part of Mike and things he has done and said and whether they were intentionally harmful or not, it's Mike. It's all shaped him and his role in the story. The fact that we're seeing a visible shift in his behavior at all, with plenty of moments from the show to back up what brought us here, makes it compelling enough to talk about.

So, without further ado, back to our roots:

Ah yes, the infamous canon proof disputing Mike's I think my life started that day we found you in the woods, claim during his monologue. Not only that, but in this original scene from 1x02, it turns out Mike actually intended to send her away the next day (all of which El could hear Mike saying from the open bathroom door).

Mike outright calling El a weapon, again telling the others they need her because they stand no chance at getting Will back otherwise.

I wont elaborate on this now, because there is way too much to unpack that'll honestly be more worthwhile discussing further on.

For now, this is a secret tool that will help us later.

These next couple scenes right here though, are pretty painful if I'm being completely honest. The way its shot, specifically El's very visible exhaustion, accompanied by the varying priorities of others around her, leaves me feeling pretty unsettled upon rewatches.

I obviously can't remember how I felt when I watched these scenes for the first time, but I imagine I viewed them as this huge romantic moment for Mike and El (I was tricked by heteronormativity, okay?). But, again, upon rewatching them since then, I've realized I get this sort of sad feeling by the end. You'll see what I mean.

El obviously just went through something extremely traumatic. She tried to go find Will and Barb in the void, only to find Barb dead and Will presumably alive, but then slipping through her fingers at the last second (no, literally).

We then got a moment where Joyce held El while the others sat by quietly because she clearly needed a moment of comfort given what she just endured.

Then in this scene shortly after, everyone is leaving to get ready for their final attempt at saving Will.

Now, notice how not only Lucas, but also Dustin make the effort to reach out to El to comfort her affectionately after that traumatic event, with those twos' actions specifically being showcased in sequence?

Lucas, who spent the better part of the season being critical of El, is now ending the season rubbing El's shoulder to warm her up, literally soothing her to make her feel better.

Then there's Dustin, who right after Lucas' gesture makes a gesture of his own, putting his hand on her knee reassuringly, to show her he's there and he's happy she's okay.

And lastly there's Mike, who is so kindly allowing El to rest her head on his shoulder. This placement of Mike and El here is definitely a testament to the fact that Mike has vouched for El this whole time in contrast to the others and so, understandably, she put her head on his shoulder for reassurance, because out of the three of them, he's the one whose been looking out for her the most. (Right?)

Now you might be thinking that this sequence's only purpose was to show Lucas and Dustin's development with El, and that it wasn't intentional that they focused on Lucas and Dustins' priorities in this moment in contrast to Mikes'. And I raise you, this next scene.

Here we have a focus on Mike looking on to where everyone left, while the others beside him are presumably just processing what went down and taking a rest (and boy oh boy do they (El) need one).

Mike on the other-hand decides to take this moment of rest to display the most cliche and universal forms of distracted unrest known to man: he checks his watch.

Mike then stands up abruptly, causing El to fall without his shoulder there for her to rest on anymore, all while her and Dustin are looking on after him, sort of like... Okay?

It's small. It might seem insignificant. But if you actually pay attention to what this scene is trying to make you feel, after really looking at it for what it is, it's kind of sad.

In a moment that chooses to highlight the other boys' acknowledgment of El after what just happened, and not only that, but at the tale end of their final battle of the season, Mike is... distracted?

Mike, who has been presumably looking out for El more than the others in the party this whole time, is conveniently out of commission? And right now when El is looking for his reassurance the most? Mike doesn't even have a moment to say, 'Hey I'll be right back, I just want to check something. Can one of you?--', asking Lucas or Dustin to sit next to her in his place. No. Dude just stands up without even acknowledging her.

If it was any other moment in the show, under less post-traumatic circumstances for El, then I wouldn't even think much of it. But it's at this point in the story when El is essentially at her most exhausted and quite literally seeking out support from others, specifically Mike, that makes his distractedness so eery.

Again, you might still be thinking that this isn't that deep. However, I think based on the events leading up to this, and what follows right here, could quite literally hold the answer to the guilt Mike is still keeping to himself to this day.

So... How are we feeling?

Are we feeling like Mike None of you are thinking about El's wellbeing right now! She could get brain damage from using her powers too much! She's not a weapon!* Wheeler is a little bit of a hypocrite? (I told you that tool would come in handy!)

It's actually quite terrifying how similar this scene is framed to the scene in Hopper's cabin in s3, where Mike pretty much says the exact opposite. In s1 Mike goes from being one of the first people to refer to El as a weapon within the context of them using her powers to find Will, with him being completely un-attuned to the fact that she is exhausted in this moment while the others are saying El's rest and safety is the most important, to then in s3 completely flipping script and saying El was using her powers for nothing, blaming the others for treating her like a weapon and not taking her wellbeing into consideration.

It would be one thing if Mike had a little arc where he acknowledged this script flip. Because that's what it is. It is them having Mike use a word in s1 to describe El, that being weapon, only to say the others are treating her like that with that same word being used. It is them having Mike not agknowledge El's well being after overusing her powers, only to say the others aren't taking her wellbeing into consideration for overusing her powers.

And it would be one thing if Mike had spoke to El or literally anyone about how he felt like he wronged El for planning on sending her away the next day after they found her so that they could go back to looking for Will, or how he said she was a weapon that they needed in order to find Will, essentially being no better than the people she just escaped from, who also used her for her powers. But we don't get that (actually we do.. but it's not acknowledged for what it is aka survivor's guilt. It's instead seen as romantic... another tool for later...)

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't think any of Mike's behavior takes away from what Mike did do for El, because yes he was kind and accepting when the others weren't. But even despite all of that, at the end of the day, he was often at the forefront of expecting El to risk her life for them, even if he wasn't outright asking that of her.

Before you freak out, No. I don't think Mike, a literal child, was capable of fathoming that El was going into these situations risking her life. She's a superhero. El's alternative was literally going back to the lab, running, or staying with Mike. This was her safest option.

After a bunch of rewatches and putting together a lot of these moments as a whole, I've come to a point where I believe that Mike's behavior throughout s1 was him thinking that because of who El was, she's already in danger at all times. That is a constant reality for her. And so why not have her help them find Will, because she is able to, all while he can also help her. And El clearly wanted to help them, because she wanted to help good people and finally do something meaningful with her powers for a change. Unfortunately, she also had to endure PTSD flashbacks almost every single time Mike and the boys had her use her powers to help find Will.

Speaking of Will, he is currently missing and possibly dead. Will also, in contrast to El (for now...), does not have any sort of superpowers.

Mike's concern over the threat of Will's livelihood is much greater than Mike's acknowledgement to the true risks El is exposing herself to each time she uses her powers to help them. That is s1 canon.

Is there times when Mike is focused on El and her well being. Absolutely! But is there also times when Mike is not showing any display of concern to El's well being in the moment, in complete contrast to the other characters around him... Also yes.

And so the events happening the way they did, with Mike himself not fully comprehending the severity of what's been going on during these high stake situations going on around him, makes sense.

And that's what makes it all the more sad that when Mike finally does realize what he's truly been asking of El this whole time, which is to risk her life for them, it's too late.

This whole scene is obviously very emotional. All of the boys are crying, but the focus on Mike calling out for El painfully is heartbreaking.

But what's even more sad to me, is that El has been sort of used to mistreatment her whole life. She's used to having to find any comfort she could get from people in her life, all the while they were using her for her powers. I mean even despite Brenner being who he was and doing what he did, she still showed these signs of wanting to love him despite it. Which is very very fucked up. But knowing what she's gone through, makes sense.

Mike on the other-hand does greatly contrast Brenner because he was one of the first people to actually treat her with genuine kindness right from the start (before he even knew she had powers), making it a lot easier for her to care for him even despite that pesky trait of using her for her powers being almost synonymous with Brenner's very similar trait.

So when she looks back at Mike, and points him out specifically before sacrificing herself, it feels like a few things at once.

It feels like her acknowledging the fact that she appreciated him specifically for taking her in and supporting her more genuinely than anyone has in her entire life.

And yet it also feels like her, either intentionally or unintentionally, acknowledging the unfortunate side affect caused by days of Mike leading the efforts to find Will, with the expectation of her to do things to achieve that, which could have all lead to her demise technically. And so now when it all comes down to it and the stakes are at their highest yet, same as the risk, she's got to a point where she believes there is no other choice but to do just that, risk her life, especially if it means saving them.

While this is happening, Mike is backtracking in real time. He is trying to get El to stop and it's because he doesn't want her to die. Obviously.

But that's the fucked up part isn't it? When he finally realized what he's been asking of her this whole time, it's too late.

Which takes us to S2 Mike Wheeler, known by many for being a boy whose been calling his true love everyday for almost a year now because he's just so in love, but is actually in fact a boy suffering the most intense form of survivors guilt, one that involves a person who genuinely feels responsible for the persons death...

But that will probably take at least another 2,000 words so I'm thinking maybe I better split this into multiple parts.

I will tease that the next part involves one specific detail in particular that I never see anyone talk about, a detail that I think, in combination with what's discussed in this post, is so important to understanding Mike's breakdown for what it truly was at the end of season 2. I will also probably do more posts beyond that for s3-4, to delve into the impacts these moments from the first two seasons have basically put in place a perfect recipe for what is currently going down.

So feel free to stay tuned for those nonsense updates.

Continued

#byler #stranger things #mike wheeler #this is not mike slander! #this is mike deconstructed #this is mike in all his glory #well not all his glory #bc i think s2 and s3 and obviously s4 build off of this #making all of these moments all together overall a lot more compelling as a whole #but these right here are our roots ppl #find the root of the problem and everything else just falls into place #i can't wait for part 2 though #it's even more heartbreaking and tragic somehow #the suppressed guilt of it all #the denial #the shame #the gall at times #it's only gonna pile up for this kid #watch out dominos (mike wheeler) #your dominos are gonna fall...

[callsignfate]

Hi I have some ideas for Valeria ( if you need something 😆)

1. Movie night with a fem reader, we know Valeria is cold and heartless but for her girlfriend...she can be a total sweetheart. Reader finally convinced Valeria to watch a cartoons with her ( I love cartoons 🙈) so they take some snacks and go watch cartoons. Unfortunately reader fall asleep after an hour and that was a moment when Valeria realized how good and safe she feels with her girlfriend

2. Valeria had a stressful day (obviously 😅) when she finished her work only thing she wanted to do was to go to sleep. She went to her bedroom but she couldn't find her girlfriend (reader) so she went to find her. Reader was in the kitchen cooking something for both of them when Valeria found her. A lot of fluff ,maybe some sexual tension who knows 😆

I have a lot if ideas and your stories are always sooo good and I think it might be interesting 😆 I hope you like it

Thank you 🖤

Reader x Valeria

TW: Possible sexual content viewer discretion is advised

Okay so, Authors note, I had taken such a long time off of writing that I had to rewatch all of the Valeria scenes to make sure I wrote the character as closely as I could get. This didn’t take long but, yea. I also went and found a laptop with a great deal so I use it just for writing and can now write whenever I want instead of having to write only on my desktop that's having some minor issues right now. I would like to apologize again for the large wait in between posts as I have a lot of things going on with my mental and physical health. I kept trying to get back into writing but every time I would I’d end up sick, at the doctor's for some reason, or just not in the mood to write. I also have been getting into other shows and games so might expand the characters and fandoms I write for. This is the 2nd prompt btw I will work on editing the first prompt draft after I post this.

Lightly edited as I wanted to post something ASAP!

She ended up taking longer than even her normal long days, finding herself up to her eyes in work and calls that had to be done soon to move her products smoothly as some unforeseen hitches had ruined her previous plans with ease. Her office was now shrouded in dark other than the two lamps she had turned on absentmindedly. Her last call was the longest and most infuriating one as luck would have it, her foul words being muttered under her breath and she slammed her phone down and left the office she found stuffy and claustrophobic after sitting in it ceaselessly.

Valeria was a busy woman, of course, often keeping her empire running wasn't a small feat. Her days weren’t the standard eight hours as most were, after your busy schedule that kept you busy for eight to nine hours of the day. After work, you often waited around for her while relaxing and walking about the endless villa she called home.

Her mind was fuzzy with stress and exhaustion as the night before was restless and short, her morning with you being cut short had made the day already negative, only making her day longer and filled with her having an even shorter fuse. She yearned for sleep, to hold you in her arms while she listened to you ramble about the simple things that kept your mind busy and happy.

The trudging steps became lighter as she got closer to your shared bedroom where she half expected you to be in bed curled up either asleep or awake pouting and waiting for her with some small comment about how long you waited for her.

Instead, when she opened the door to get ready for bed you were gone, her eyebrows pinched together and furrowed in frustration. Her thoughts were filled with endless questions and fear? She scanned the room again to see the clothes she had seen you in when you had visited her office before were thrown into the hamper hanging off of the side of it messily. With a slightly agitated huff, she began opening doors down the hall in search of you, the bathrooms were cool and the mirror wasn't fogged up meaning you weren’t there, so she headed down the stairs before a sent of warm food led her to the kitchen, her eyebrows raised as she found you wearing an oversized sweater and short thin sleeping shorts that you usually wore to bed after she bought them for you on a particularly hot day a year or so ago.

“What are you doing?” She finally spoke with a slightly playfully mocking tone, making you jump while you leaned back and forth and mouthed the lyrics of the song you were listening to in your earbuds.

“I was making us something to eat, I tried to lay down but I got snacky and bored waiting.” You said after quelling your quickened heart and letting out a small breath.

“I had calls to make and the idiots on the other side weren’t listening.” She muttered with a small hint of frustration before she moved to stand behind you, her arms wrapping around you before they moved under your hoodie so slowly that your mouth slacked and goosebumps raised on your arms and the back of your neck.

“Let's eat and head to bed.” She hummed out in your ear with a small teasing and cocky laugh.

You offered a nod and plated the food before her hand slipped into your loose shorts making you lean forward onto the counter, your stomach tensing as a gasp escaped your lips. 

The food, sat on the counter cold you realized as you watched her sleeping soundly, the subtle soft snore making your lips turn up into a small smile.

#valeria cod #mw2 valeria x reader #valeria garza x fem!reader #valeria garza x reader #valeria x reader #call of duty valeria #valeria garza #valeria garza x you #valeria garza cod

[alicerosejensen]

I love your page so much omg. I‘m literally obsessed with your work😭🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Also I have this imagination in my mind going on about how Leon would try to help his girlfriend from recovering from her mental health issues since she’s always helping him. I was recently thinking about how he would react finding her not moving on the bathroom floor and trying to bring her back! I rewatched American horror stories and the scene with tate and violet in the first season episode 6 (ig?) is always in my head. I‘m still recovering from my past and my unhealthy habits and tbh recovery never felt better.

If this is too much for you or triggering please ignore this.🫶🏼❤️

I had a terrible period in my life when I was a few steps away from doing something like this in my life and unfortunately this shit often comes out. I'm not sure that such texts help me work through my psychological traumas, which were, in fact, inflicted on me and continue to be inflicted by close people who do not consider me a person, but at least such works help me to vent my pain, which I cannot permanently bury in myself.

I have been postponing this request for a long time because I was probably waiting for the right moment to write this text.

There are mentions of suicide, psychological trauma, severe self-doubt and anxiety, so if this is not acceptable to you, then please just block it.

Perhaps there is a similarity with my previous texts, but I am writing this with strong emotions now that I am trying to cope with it again.

the text is chaotic, I repeat, written while I was under the influence of strong heavy emotions. Maybe I'll delete it later, when my brain gets back to normal a little bit.

If a songbird doesn't sing well, they wring its neck.

Maybe it was the costs of Leon's profession and the result of his constant missions, after which something human is gradually dying in him despite the constant struggle to save everyone. Raccoon City was supposed to teach, if not to survive, then make him begin to understand that some are doomed to die.

Leon Kennedy was taught not to offend, but to protect the weak, especially weak women. But it is difficult to calm the flow of disordered thoughts and put aside the fear that has seized him in order to clamp bloody wrists and apply something to them to stop the blood. Leon knew many strong women: Ada was perhaps the first among them, he did not know either her past or her real name, only the present that pushed their foreheads against each other; Claire, a fighting friend of misfortune that he met in that ill-fated city; Ashley, who turned from a baby eagle into a proud eagle; Angela Miller and others…

Your strength dissolves in the water, coloring it scarlet while your heart stubbornly still beats, let the rhythm noticeably shorten.

In truth, over the past few months it became clear that this was the only way out. When even your loved ones considered you an expired product and did not hesitate to remember this and remind you every time. In the end, their words turned into an obsessive worm that settled in your head, slowly day after day, month after month, devouring you and the circumstances seemed to be not in your favor. Instead of support, you somehow faced reproach, as if the universe was screaming that you were an wrong person, nature's mistake who had no right to live.

Escape attempts were doomed to failure. At first you tried to suppress it in yourself, helping Leon, because, in your opinion, he was the only one who had the right to complain about life, although he did not do this in front of you, because everyone said that you had no problems: you have everything limbs, there are no fatal diseases, all loved ones are healthy and there is a roof over your head, as if this is enough to not fall for nonsense and not walk around forever with a sad face.

This was the last time you shared your experiences. You didn’t even bother telling Leon, but everything inside was torn from constant pain. The feeling was as if you were being beaten by two extremes that led you to the edge of an abyss where you ultimately voluntarily jumped.

no, you really loved him, it was just other people’s words and your own speculation that convinced you, despite your strong relationship with him, that Leon would find someone better, someone more confident in himself, someone who would not be you because you had already missed the chance for a good life because it moved too slowly. Ultimately, a couple of sips of alcohol with sleeping pills and a sharp blade in his hands simply promised to correct the mistake in the form of you with your own hands.

You didn't have the courage to do it any other way.

But you really didn’t think that if you could try to open up to your loved one, you would meet support and not condemnation. Perhaps in a mad world he would be the only one who would heal your wounds as you healed him in your time. Leon clenched his teeth, feeling tears flowing down cheeks, seeing these crimson stains, when he pulled your body out of the bath, holding you close to him, repeating “I’m holding you. It's allright"

He so carefully laid you on his lap, managing to pull out a first aid kit and then bandages to tightly, albeit carelessly, wrap them around your wrist in order to somehow stop the bleeding. At least you were still breathing, thereby giving him hope that everything could still be fixed. the darkness and emptiness came to life, calling in a whisper to dissolve into eternal silence where there is no pain or condemnation. Your body will be in a grave under a gray stone, while the remains of your soul will float like a small grain of sand in infinity.

For Leon, everything happens in a fog; he tried more than once to save people, but he had no right to lose in this battle, even if you yourself surrendered to death. Shaking his head, brushing away the tears, he wrapped your body in a large terry towel, kissed your temple and picked you up, trying to somehow warm you, pressing you closer to him. the ability to provide first aid in the field and pull suicides out of the other world is not the same thing. Leon would have thanked God if he had believed in him, convinced that blood loss was the least of the evils that you had caused yourself, until he saw the remains of some substance at the bottom of the glass that stood on the table along with an almost full bottle of alcohol.

You really didn't give him a chance.

The ambulance took several minutes, which seemed like an eternity. In fact, Leon wasn't sure if it was worth trying to make you vomit when you'd already lost so much blood that it was already seeping through the bandages. Surely you would need a transfusion and Leon is ready to give you all his blood if only you would wake up. Holding his breath, he carefully looked at your chest, watching whether you were breathing and fortunately, your heart was still beating, slowly, but it was still fighting for life.

He stroked you on the head, kissed you, promised that he would take you somewhere else, quiet, where no one would dare to offend you, even if it was your family. You could have just asked him for help, just cuddled up to him and he would have protected you from other people’s attacks, but you preferred to remain silent. Kennedy was tired of waiting for the medical staff to let him in, although relatives should be allowed to see the patient first, but the position of a government agent sometimes had its advantages, and they concerned not only the high salary. When he was let in to you, it seemed to him that you had become half your size while you were lying on the bed, curled up under the blanket. It didn’t work out to pull off a beautiful suicide, which meant that soon angry relatives would come here with new sweat of bile especially for you. They won’t care about your feelings, but Leon sat down next to you, trying not to intrude too much into the space in which you imprisoned yourself, as if this blanket cocoon could be a separate world where you could hide. He spoke to you carefully, hating himself for not being able to understand in time what was wrong with your behavior; perhaps if he had been more attentive to you, the incident could have been avoided. You would see a psychotherapist, take a course of medication, and your environment would definitely be taken care of.

You cry, not letting him come to you, hating how you weren't just left to die and how much you hate this world. Hysteria after hysteria, nervous breakdown after nervous breakdown, in the hospital you repeatedly tried to commit suicide, but the attentive staff managed to prevent this before you inflicted fatal injuries on yourself, and if after some time Leon still managed to carefully break through your armor, then your loved ones This did not concern relatives in principle. You only allowed one person to visit you while you were undergoing psychological treatment and you behaved calmer and calmer, listening to the velvety words that soon all this would be behind you.

“We’ll go home soon,” Leon smiled, gently holding your hand and kissing your forehead, just glad that you’re alive, that you’re breathing and that your psycho-emotional state is slowly but improving. “You know, I have a surprise for you, I think you’ll like it when we get home.”

Soon what happened will become another nightmare in his life, a blessing with a good ending, but for the sake of this happy ending, Kennedy is ready to descend into hell at least every day.

You nod at him and smile a little, fearing that the gift is some kind of party on the occasion of your discharge. In fact, the last thing you want is to see someone’s faces, especially those who diligently hammered into your head how insignificant you are. Why do you even hope that the doctor will postpone your discharge, but the plans for your further treatment were completely different.

On the other hand, after taking antidepressants and psychological help in a special medical institution, how many men are ready to stay with their girlfriends who have been there for several months? For Leon, it seems this was not a significant problem, or he simply carefully did not show it. However, there were no parties, no calls, you simply returned now to his home where there were new interior items. it became somehow more comfortable... but something else surprised you.

Puppy. A small puppy of a couple of months old ran towards you and Leon to meet both of them, but stopped and began sniffing your shoes, while something thawed in your heart.

“Animals seem to help us well, They feel when we feel bad, it seems to me a good idea to get us a little companion,” Leon said quietly, stroking your back while you were busy with the puppy, rejoicing at the little living soul who will love you with the same pure and devoted love.

Ultimately it should have a happy ending too. Leon is ready to go to great lengths so that his beloved songbird starts smiling and singing happy songs again, even if it is necessary to remove other birds from her family who sleep and see how to pluck all her wings again.

You and he also have a chance for a happy ending.

#leon kennedy #leon scott kennedy #leon s kennedy #resident evil #leon kennedy x reader #leon x reader #leon s kennedy x reader #resident evil x reader #leon kennedy x you #leon kennedy resident evil #leon s kennedy x fem!reader #leon s kennedy x you #leon scott kennedy x reader #leon resident evil #resident evil leon

[insomniac-101]

So something that I often don't see people discuss is the manner in which the 9th and the 10th doctor's seasons are so intrinsically connected that it is almost impossible to understand a lot of key character arcs if you choose to skip it upon rewatch. The reason why I say this is because the moment you reach season 2, 10 is essentially the product of the development 9 achieves at the end of his season. To skip him, would mean that you also miss context as to the reason why Rose is so important and in turn, not understand the reason why their bond in particular is such a big part of the plot during the 10th's era.

Now bare with me, because I'm about to go off a bit lmao.

The first season of nuwho not only serves as an introduction to many of the key characters we see later on, such as: the Doctor, Rose, Jackie, Jack, Mickey, Harriet jones, etc. but it also serves as an introduction for the concept of the series as a whole. Prior to this, doctor who as a franchise had a reputation of being a geeky sci-fi show with no real wide spread appeal. Remaining as a niche interest to many, up until the reboot returned and reintroduced the show to a newer audience.

This is important to note because this is one of the main reasons why we see such a huge emphasis placed on the companions' lives in the reboot. Because RTD meant to expand the world of Doctor who and its audience, and by doing so, he strived to try a multitude of new plots that were otherwise never explored previously. This is why the romantic plotline of his season is so crucial to the story itself because he means to explore a facet of humanity not previously seen with the Doctor as a character. RTD essentially built this plot line from scratch, as the only other attempt at exploring such an angle was received negatively (The 8th Doctor's movie). So there's a degree of leniency that I give his writing In particular because like I said prior, he had no prior reference for exploring humanity to the degree in which the new series does.

The ninth doctor, when we meet him, is essentially a recluse. He is in a state of stagnation, implied to have been alone for some time after the war and it gives off the impression that he's no longer accustomed to being around people. He's often direct, rudely so and very standoffish to anyone that isn't immediately measuring up to his standards. This isn't to say that he isn't charming in his own way. He's sarcastic and when he tries, he can actually be very good with people. But the war still weighs heavily on his conscious and so, he views the world through the eyes of a soldier. Prioritizing the act of surviving rather than slowing down and actually taking the time to live life.

I mean, the man essentially meets Rose while blowing up her workplace and if that isn't concerning on its own merit than I don't know what is lmao.

A scene that sticks out to me the most about him in particular is when he looks at himself in the mirror for the first time. He notes that he has big ears, and from the manner in which he says it the implication that he perhaps has not seen himself in a long time is not lost to us. This coupled with the knowledge that he had indeed been seen traveling prior to meeting Rose, gives the phrase a more dark connotation that makes sense for his character.

I like to think that this indicates that the guilt of what he did to stop the war weighs so heavily on him that he could never bring himself to face his reflection. Because truly, to have gone so long without seeing yourself, not even in the reflection of a window or other surface is not something that is easy to do. Rather, it is something you have to go out of your way to do. Also it's important to note that his appearance is in fact a reflection of that weariness he feels. With his body, being older outwardly (appearing 40ish ) and his features being very sharp and serious. Even his hair is pretty short, much like how a soldier would keep it as a means of not wasting any time on worrying on something so inconvenient. His preference for darker colors and his constant outfit is also very noticably practical, not at all decorative like his prior bodies. This is purposeful, because it is what sets him apart from prior versions of the character and an easy way to visually see his most prominent traits.

Now with that out of the way, now I can discuss how 9 changes and what his relationship to Rose is like, so that one can better understand why Rose is such an important part of the Doctor's character.

From the moment the two meet, you can see he harbors an immediate curiosity towards her. Here they are, trapped in an elevator being attacked by a group of living mannequins and yet, Rose is almost unaffected.

That isn't to say she isn't afraid, she is, but her fear doesn't stop her from asking questions and demanding explanations. She doesn't shy away from him, rather she confronts him head on and even shows a level of concern for other people while she is actively the one in danger. It is enough to prompt him to ask her name, but not enough to involve her. Preferring to instead keep his distance.

It is not until another chance meeting that he gradually lets her in, allowing her to humor him with her curiosity and we see once more that he is in fact very good at socializing, but only with certain people. The reason why I stress this is because he often outwardly puts this front of coldness towards those that don't interest him. Rose was able to look past this front, and seems to look past his rather cold attitude towards other humans. He often stresses how inept they are, going on tangents about how they're nothing more than apes but she ignores it and tries to get at the core of the issue. That's why they mesh so well, because she is able to separate the fluff he inserts into his answers and take it for what it is. That isn't to say she's a doormat, she just knows when to pick her battles.

"do you know like we were saying? About the world revolving. It's like you're a kid, the first time they tell you that the world is turning and you just can't quite believe it cause everything looks like it's standing still. I can feel it. The turn of the earth. The ground beneath our feet is spinning 1,000 miles an hour and the entire planet is hurtling round the sun at 67,00 miles an hour. And I can feel it, we're falling through space you and me. Clinging to the skin of this tiny little world, and if we let go.. that's who I am. Now forget me, Rose Tyler"

He is describing the manner in which he views the world. Unlike how a kid is unable to comprehend the vast truths of how the world functions and remains naive of it for a period of time, he is a man that was never given that chance to be unaware of how it functions to an infuriating degree. He sees the world for how it is, dark, unforgiving and so direct. Everything is calculated so precisely and he can't even begin to comprehend why anyone would see the good in it as it's just that, a planet.

But that's why he finds humans so interesting. There's a part of him that holds onto that hope that it is something more, that perhaps he is missing out on a purpose behind all the darkness. That's why he is running amongst them, to find a reason behind their way of thinking. To experience the world through the eyes of the hypothetical child, rather than the adult who breaks the illusion.

Not only that, but this conversation also let's us in on how touch-deprived he is.

For it is in a moment of vulnerability that he allows himself to reach out and touch Rose physically. Grabbing her hand for emphasis on how heavy this revelation burdens him. It's a cry for help in a sense, because he has reached the point where he has metaphorically "let go". Dropping her hand, to show that he is losing that last part of him that clings to that hope of finding something that will allow him to question his view of the world. He is miserable and lonely, because when you view the world through such a cynical lens it becomes all the more apparent that life is so lonely. If everything is doomed, then why go out of your way to care?

You see this in the way he remains unaffected by the reveal of Mickey's "death." Having grown so used to it, that he finds it off-putting to see that Rose is freaking out as a result. It happens everyday to people far more important so why give it any real weight if it's inevitable? Why ascribe a meaning to something that just is?

Remember when I mentioned it is implied that he was traveling on his own for a while? What places did he visit? The Titanic, the Kennedy assassination, the explosion of Karakota. These are all fixed points of time that are associated with absolute tragedies. But all the same, they're key points in life where the world remained cruel without reason. Thus fueling his very uncharitable view of the world and how it functions.

That's where Rose becomes key to his overall development. As a human, she inevitably views the world through the lens of that child. She doesn't know the ins and outs of the universe's processes, yet she continues living without ever really seeking to understand it better. It doesn't matter to her that the people around her aren't necessarily important in the grand scheme of things, they matter because they just do. She is capable of loving others and affording care to others simply because she wants to, not because she has to. She is confronted with alien threats the moment he walks into her life, and yet her view of the world and her existence doesn't really change. She does not harden rather, she curiously grows from it. Growing wiser and more aware rather than crippling under the discovery of another threat in the universe.

She is clinging to the understanding of the tiny little world she lives in, yet her hold doesn't relent. For she is not falling, to imply so would mean that he was right in his assertion that our existence is doomed. No, instead in the place of any real meaningful explanation about the world's existence is something so innately human: hope. An illogical thing to always maintain, yet she always seems to have it.

After all, it is such a confusing notion when you think about it. We have no reason to believe that things will improve, and that we'll be met with good outcomes. It's so metaphorical, not at all tethered to something practical like numbers and data and yet, even when the odds are against us, somehow we hope things will improve.

It's that aspect that he wishes he understood.

(i would love to dedicate a whole analysis on Rose in a separate post so for now, I will only focus on the Doctor and her role in his life)

This is why he takes her to the ends of the universe on their first trip. He's testing her, seeing if this will be enough to prompt a reaction out of her that fits his narrative. He also seeks companionship, to have someone understand what it's like to see your planet burn and to have yourself remain as the sole survivor. In a way, to justify the validity of his misery and guilt. She's affected of course. It's in that moment that she realizes, the scope of the universe and is faced with the undeniable truth that everything does end. It shakes her and you can see her sort of doubt her view of the world. No longer able to remain blissfully unaware of the big picture when it is quite literally in your face.

But something she has, and he lacks is a foundation. Rose still has her mother, someone to return to at the end of the day. She can be comforted by the people in her life while his inability to let anyone in, essentially stunts him.

When given the choice to spare Cassandra, he refuses. He lacks the capability of seeing past the evil, and assumes that there is no good in her. No second chances. An act that catches Rose off guard, who in spite of personally recieving the brunt of Cassandra's cruelty, she asks the Doctor to save her.

Eventually he takes her back to her time. He entrusts her with more information regarding the war and the death of his people. People pass them by, oblivious to his presence as he is wallowing in the sorrow of remembering. It's a metaphor, of sorts. While our two protagonists are brutally aware of the doom that awaits them in the future and they remain stuck in place reminiscing, the world around them continues moving on.

He is giving her every reason to run, to leave him behind and save the very last shreds of naivety she has.

But when he asks her if she wants to leave, to no longer accompany him on his adventures, she refuses. Because his confession puts it all into perspective.

He is hurting.

He desperately craves company: to have a hand to hold onto and keep him grounded as the world falls apart. Yet more than ever is she aware of her limitations; that she cannot undo what has been done to him.

And so, she does what she knows she can do to help ease the pain even if it is very miniscule. Tells him that he has her, and that his pain is one she can now share and understand. She offers him chips, not because it will magically make it all disappear but because it will distract him from the pain of remembering. It's also her favorite food, so no doubt she is trying to share that sense of comfort it brings her with him.

Such a human thing to not focus on fixing the bigger problem and instead focus on what can be changed in the current moment. They still have time until the end of the earth, so why spend more time dwelling on it?

That is her response to his question.

I believe the episode the unquiet dead is where he realizes the extent of his feelings for her. There they are about to be pulled apart by a horde of zombies yet Rose doesn't regret coming along. She tells him so and in the end all she asks of him is that they fight for their lives. Still clinging on to that bit of hope that they could get out of this, even if it is misplaced. To stay together in spite of their inevitable deaths is all she asks for, and he in turn tells her how glad he is to have met her. Assuring her that he is glad it's her that is there by his side as he clings to her hand like a life line. Somehow, having someone there to hold made the inevitable more bearable.

For a single moment, he remembers what it is like to not regret something.

But no, they live! Again and again, even if logically it makes no sense given how the world works. All the while, he meets more and more extraordinary people. With Rose, always reaching out to others as they embark on every new adventure. Thus indirectly providing him insight on the manner in which normal people are capable of doing brave and incredible acts even if it is at the cost of their own life. Their hope in a future for the people they hold dear, motivating them to put everything on the line if it meant that there was even a slight chance everything would be alright.

There's good in people, even those that outwardly appear to not be worth the trouble. And it's that potential he latches on to, and why he tries so hard to lend a hand when he can.

This is actually where the trend of the importance of knowing people's names starts, because the companions often serve as his connection to the humans around them. They ground his perspective, reminding him to not focus so much on the grand scheme of things that he forgets to look at the smaller details. This is why in the episode Midnight it is so tragic that no one asked for the stewardes' name. For up until that point, he knew better than to not at the very least humanize her (by asking for something as basic as her name, her story, etc.) rather than see her as pawn in the midst of the problem. That is the principal that Rose instilled in him and yet when left alone, he finds himself forgetting to do so. Thus, why he takes the revelation to heart.

But I'm getting ahead of myself lol

It is when he is confronting the last of the daleks that he has to reconsider his beliefs of how the world had up till now functioned. He has been proven time and time again that the world is not always such a negative place, and that there is at times tranquility that could be found in the midst of the chaos. That the universe and it's inhabitants are capable of doing both good and evil.

So why is he so quick to want to kill the last of the daleks and cling to that cynicism he was beginning to reconsider? Here he is faced with a being who understands his pain, but in the form of his biggest enemy. It is not innocent, having been at one time capable of monstrous acts that caused mass suffering but...neither is he. There it stands defenseless and unarmed and yet he is the one threatening it with a weapon, just like Rose reasons. She is alive and unharmed, standing next to a dalek yet the active threat is not the dalek, it's him. He is tempted to kill it because his first instinct is to resort back to that hatred that gave him purpose for so long. The same poison the daleks used to eradicate the rest of his people. But is it truly incapable of being good, if not, then why is he any different? To give into the temptation would mean to validate that goodness could not be found everywhere. That if he followed the same mindset that once drove him to pull the trigger on everyone involved in the whole war, than he was doomed to become one of them. To repeat the endless cycle of violence and prove once and for all that he is a monster that cannot change.

Again the answer to the question is up to us to decide. But for him, there's only one clear answer.

No one else has to die. By choosing to not do anything he can live another day, without carrying the guilt of another being dying at his hands. Not because it has to be done, but because he has the option to refuse.

He can no longer assert that its existence as the final survivor of his race isn't important. That just because he hates it, doesn't mean it doesn't deserve a second chance like he got.

Really who is he to pass judgement, when there was a point in his life where he too was blinded by rage and the very narrow view he held of the world?

There is always a choice, and sometimes, the choice is to not take part in that decision.

And so that's what he does.

Rose takes on the burden for him, reaching out to the dalek in the same compassionate way he once did for him. Ordering the dalek to die not out of spite, but out of mercy because that is what the dalek wanted. A being born with the ultimate goal of surviving at all costs with hatred running through its blood, yet it's last moments are spent anguishing over all the death it caused. But unlike the Doctor, who strived to change as a result, he used up his second chance to end the pain. All it asked in return, was comfort or in other words...a hand to hold.

Or..so we think.

It's this ability to look past his biases that allows him to see the good in individuals like Mickey, Jack, and even Rose, when she inevitably screws up. He is able to grant them a second chance to prove themselves and keep them grounded, just like they did for him. His bonds to said people strengthen as a result and now he travels with a group of individuals he can trust with his life. People that can ease the burden and see the good in him.

Now the final episodes of his run is where the final test to his resolve to change is put into question. In a cruel twist of faith, history repeats itself.

Once again, he is given a choice: to let humanity die at the hand of the daleks, or end it all himself.

But alas he chooses not to give in. To not let himself become like the very thing he despises, because the alternative would mean witnessing the mass death of humanity at his hands. A group of beings he personally saw was capable of so much good, and was directly responsible for his change of heart. They reminded him that he was not above changing and that he could find meaning in simply continuing to find the good in others. He refuses, and so he seals his fate.

Yes he would die as a result, but at least he'll die knowing that he did all that he could. That he did not repeat the same cycle of violence that drove him to make the decision to eradicate all that he knew in an act of desperation.

He was free at last of the hatred that poisoned him for so long and it's due in part to the emotion that now stood in its place. Something he slowly cultivated throughout the span of his episodes: Love.

Love for humanity.

Love for Rose.

Love for himself. Because he finally did something he would not live to regret

" Before I go, i just want to tell you that you were fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. And you know what? So was I!"

When he finally regenerates, it is done with the intention that his final act is not one of destruction, but love. This man, with the blood of so many on his hands, was able to forgive himself through the compassion extended to him when he was at his lowest. Rose a mere human, through sheer kindness, was able to motivate the doctor to keep going. To not hang up on the inevitabilities of life, and to find beauty in what was fleeting.

To have faith in the good of the people around him, even when it wasn't easy.

Most importantly, she reminded him that his journey was not one that had to be solitary. He could share the burden with others, and in turn, build genuine friendships that would help ease that loneliness he felt.

What makes Rose special to the doctor is not that she is inherently special. She is not someone of high status nor this faultless god that is capable of doing no wrong. No what makes her important to him is the fact that she was perceptive enough to realize that he needed help, and selflessly gave it at a time where he was at his lowest. She extended the best of humanity towards him during a time where he desperately needed a reminder that life was more than just pain. She never gave up on him, always assuring him that he was capable of doing good even when he himself didn't believe it.

This was not a bond forged on shallow appearances or attraction, no, it was a deep friendship in which both people involved grew to become better versions of themselves by the end. They just so happened to fall in love in the process.

Something I want to point out is that the reason why he has the courage to kiss Rose is because his love for her, he feels, is unrequited. He thinks this will be the last chance to show her how much she means to him in this body, and perhaps ever. He is insecure, you see that in the way he practically sneers at any man that looks at her yet he never makes a move himself. That is why he is deeply confused as to why it takes her so long to warm up to his 10th incarnation in the Christmas invasion. Going as far as to claim that she had given up on him. A behavior that to him, makes no sense as he was essentially tailored to her tastes. A pretty boy, just like the ones she showed interest in previously.

This is why he asks her upon regenerating what she thinks of his appearance and once again when he wakes up from his coma. He wants her to fawn over him but doesn't take into account that maybe, bursting into flames isn't exactly a normal human occurrence lol

But we see that that is not true. His looks were never something that bothered her. Because whenever she is made to make a choice between the doctor and someone else, it's always him. Even at the expense of what he would consider to be the safer options.

Rose loved him since his 9th incarnation. This is made evident in the manner in which she immediately asks him to change back once he regenerates into 10 (Doctor Who Born Again, Children In Need Special 2005).

"Can you change back?"

"Do you want me to?"

"Yeah"

"Oh."

"Can you?"

"No"

(note: if you haven't seen this clip, I strongly recommend doing so as it adds so much context to the conflict explored in the Christmas special)

If she had solely loved him when he was 10, then she would have accepted him easily but she didn't. It took her the entirety of the Christmas invasion to understand that he was still the same man. This is why the episode focuses so much on 10 sort of dancing around her, trying to earn her approval by showing off how he's still the same man. Going as far as to pan on his face numerous times as he wistfully looks at her direction, all while he fights the sycorax as if to make sure that she is watching him be impressive. (it's something I realized upon rewatch, just how desperately he is trying to earn back her approval lol)

So with all of this in mind, nine essentially transforms into a new man. Figuratively and literally lol. A man that finds the joy in living again and meets each challenge with a curiosity akin to that of a child. He's fun, far less burdened (outwardly) by the death of his people and more open to meeting new people. He becomes what 9 physically believes to be the ideal image of a partner Rose would want, down to the wispy hair and handsome features. Not to mention younger, as if, physically representing the the burden being lifted from his body, thus de-aging him.

But with this new man that was born out of his love for humanity and Rose, there's a conflict that is more apparent than ever. Will he be able to overcome the implications that come with falling in love with a human?

This is where the conflict shifts, because with confronting this question he is left to actually take into consideration what it means to fall deeper in love with her. A scenario he previously only humored in fantasies because he was unaware that she returned them.

Had she simply loved him as a friend, it would have been easy to ignore it but no she had fallen for him too. So now he can no longer skirt around it. To fall for a human would mean to expose her to what a Time lord's life and perspective entails. How alien he truly is and how that especially affects the manner in which they communicate. This is explicitly said in the Christmas invasion, when her whole world shifts at the reminder that he is in fact not human.

"The thing is, I thought I knew him, Mum. I thought me and him were...and then he goes on and does this. I keep forgetting he is not human"

This is what series 2's main conflict is.

But it is far from one sided.

She in return, has to confront the inevitability of her death. Can she ask that of him, to put aside the pain and let her live out the rest of her days by his side? Once she outlives those she loves, would she become someone unlike herself?

Because now it's not a question of will they won't they, they know how they feel about one another. No, it's a matter of when.

This is why series two appears to have very little conflict between the two at first glance, but that's because the conflict is within themselves. Since ten was made with her in mind, they tend to operate very similarly and so they don't get in as many arguments as they did previously. Because again, ten exists from the changes made in nine. You cannot have one without the other,as they are the two sides of the same coin.

Another tid bit that must be mentioned is that 10's desire to be human can actually be traced back to 9's era. This is because the 9th doctor always made it a point to separate himself from Rose's family life. This is what causes him to have such a strained relationship with Jackie in the first place, because his refusal to take part in Rose's personal life directly interfered with Jackie's relationship to her daughter. Jackie does care for the Doctor. He is important to Rose and so she makes an effort to welcome him, even when he refuses.

But really from a few comments he makes off handedly in father's day, one can infer that the reason why he stays far away from their home life is more of a reflection of how he views himself. Like an outsider who cannot afford to get too close to the people around him.

After all he had this to say about the importance of living a life that is ordinary.

"i don't what this is all about, and I know we're not important -"

"who said you're not important? I've traveled to all sorts of places, done things you couldn't even imagine, but you two. Street corner, 2:00 in the morning, getting a taxi home. I've never had a life like that.."

You can't always trust the Doctor's words because he often puts on this unbothered front. But in this specific instance, he says this not as a means of diminishing it but rather being rather fond of the idea. To live the one adventure he could never have, sound familiar?

It's because of this that the 10th doctor makes an effort to be more involved in Rose's personal life. Extending his care towards her mother, and even spending the holidays with them. He even goes as far as to imply they were the closest thing to family when he tells Donna about it.

This long ass essay is all to essentially say that the idea of pitting ninerose, tenrose, and tentoorose against one another is rather pointless lol because they're all essentially the same ship but at different stages of their relationship. You cannot have the existence of one without the other because they all occupy the same man. All are equally valid according to the narrative and canon so please can we lay this useless competition to rest?

There's enough Rose to go around!

#10th doctor #doctor x rose #rtd era #tenrose #ninth doctor #nine x rose #rose x ten #ninerose #doctorrose #tentoo x rose #rambles #character analysis #retrospective #doctor who #someone should really take my phone away #cant stop thinking about them #this hyperfixation has me in a chokehold #timepetals #rose tyler

[grxmreaperx]

I rewatched Saw IV and I can't stop thinking about Peter Strahm as a soft Dom! 😩💦

Peter is absolutely a soft dom! I started out with some head cannons for this idea, but am absolutely willing to make a full on fic for this idea if y’all like this!!

Pairing: Peter Strahm x (gn!) reader

Word Count: ~500

Warnings: 18+!! Lots of smut, mostly fluffy smut

Summary: Headcannons about Peter being a soft dom! Aftercare included!!

Peter Strahm as a soft dom would include…

• Your first couple times together, he would hold himself back (especially if he was your first)

• He would be very careful to make sure you are enjoying yourself and that he’s not being too rough

• Always very romantic, intimacy with his partner is very important to him

• He wouldn’t get rougher or more dominant unless you suggested it, or would maybe bring it up later into your relationship, after you’ve been intimate for a while

• One day, you suggest to him that he take a bit more control; it was something you had thought about for a while

• You loved how gentle and romantic he was, but you also wanted the chance to spice it up a bit

• Something changed in him as soon as you suggested it, and this man became absolutely insatiable

• Loves calling you pretty names: sweet baby, darling, baby, pretty thing, just to name a few

• Now, I’m convinced that Strahm would be the biggest softie for his partner, so I don’t think he would be able to degrade you unless you really wanted him to

• And even then, he would be so sweet afterwards, comforting you and telling you how much he loves you

• Loves picking you up and pressing you against the wall when you least expect it

• Just loves picking you up in general, just to remind you he can and who’s in charge

• “Good job baby, you’re doing so good for me”

• Will have you literally anywhere around your home

• In bed, against the wall, on the counter/table, in the shower

• “You gonna be good for me, darling? You know how much I love seeing you on your knees.”

• Loves overstimulating you and seeing how much you can handle

• “Cmon, love, one more for me hmm? I love hearing the noises you make, can’t get enough of it”

• I just imagine how he acts with Perez and how he talks to her/acts with her (picture the scene where she is hit with shrapnel from Billy). If he’s caring with his partner at work, he is going to be an absolute angel with his lover

o Side note: Perez is absolutely into women, and no one is changing my mind, but that’s a subject for another day

• If he’s had a long day at work and needs to let out some pent-up stress, he would probably be a bit rougher, like bending you over and pinning your arms behind your back

• “You look so good full of my cock, love.”

• Always has to hold you afterwards, lots of kisses and sweet talking, telling you how well you did

• Cleans you up, makes sure you have water, jumps in the shower with you when you’ve had a particularly hot and steamy session and you’re both sweaty

I know a lot of you have been looking forward to soft dom Strahm, so I am here to provide! This is kinda short compared to my other works but was trying to get into the swing of writing Peter and getting used to him as a character. Let me know how I did and if y’all want a longer piece of him being a soft dom with his partner!! (There is also a Peter Strahm NSFW alphabet in your futures, your girl knows what the people want👀)

#fanfic #saw #saw franchise #peter strahm x reader #peter strahm #headcanon #smut #fluff

[biconickyoshi]

Okay y’all… I was very critical of eps 3 & 4 (especially 4) of NAtLA. Then all of a sudden eps 5 & 6 kinda slapped me in the face with how much better the show suddenly got.

Spoiler-free thoughts first:

Zuko, Iroh, and Aang have cemented themselves as the best parts about this adaptation - which is really funny considering I’m currently writing a longfic AU where Zuko and Iroh discover Aang in the iceberg right after Zuko is banished at age 13 and end up becoming the first members of the Gaang (albeit reluctantly at first lol). Episode 6: “Masks” (the Blue Spirit adaptation) was so good, I’d venture to say that it actually improved and fleshed out some things from the original series.

Episode 5: “Spirited Away”, while not as good as E6, was not as bad as I heard people say it was going to be. I think that the changes they did make didn’t bother me nearly as much as the changes they made in the last episode, and it was actually entertaining.

There were several scenes that made me cry in both of these episodes (moreso in episode 6, which I’ll get into further down in the spoiler section). These are the scenes that I feel like really tapped into the heart of the original show rather than feeling like a soulless remake.

Now for my in-depth thoughts (INCLUDES SPOILERS):

EP 5: “Spirited Away”

- Staring out, I was bummed because I had just rewatched the first two eps of the original animated series lol.

- It was an interesting choice to have all three members of the Gaang get stuck in the Spirit World, but I think it worked.

- Wan Shi Tong just showing up randomly was a bit unnecessary, but I suppose it will be kinda interesting to see him again in S2 since he’s already met the Gaang

- Hei Bai plays a much smaller role in these eps, but I strangely didn’t mind that either?

- Seeing Katara’s last memory with her mom was devastating, especially the fact that she had to witness her death and hide in the igloo with Kya’s charred body :(( she definitely has severe PTSD.

- Even Sokka’s memory made me tear up a bit

- Koh being the villain and a soul-eater or whatever was a bit of an odd choice, but I guess I can see why they did it. I do prefer him just being an asshole who steals ppl’s faces lol

- Appreciated the Fog of Lost Souls reference from the LoK lore

- Aang reuniting with Gyatso made me cry. I know some people didn’t like him being in the Spirit World, but I really liked it. Also, the fact that Gyatso was the first person to tell Aang that it wasn’t his fault the Air Nomads died, and that if he had been there he would have died too? THANK YOU! My poor boy has been berated enough for “abandoning” the world.

- We got some interesting lore about the afterlife for humans from Gyatso and Aang’s convo, which we’ve never gotten in AtLA media before. Idk if it’s just for Air Nomads, but Aang mentions that Gyatso stayed behind instead of “seeking enlightenment”. I know that the end goal in Buddhism is to reincarnate until you eventually achieve nirvana, so I wonder if that’s what they were alluding to (I’m not an expert on religions so pls correct me if I’m wrong)

- Oh yeah, I forgot June is here lmao. As a queer person I loved her (bc beautiful goth woman) but I didn’t like the weird choice to make her hit on Iroh - I guess to contrast the Iroh being creepy towards her thing in the OG series. I wish they would have just had them interact normally tbh, no weird “flirting”

EP 6: “Masks”

- Here we go y’all. The best episode in the show so far and probably the best the show is gonna get this season. I’m still pretty shocked at how good this one was.

- I think the decision to include flashbacks to Zuko’s Agni Kai was a good decision here. It felt like an appropriate episode for them and the flashbacks were very well done.

- In general, Dallas is doing a phenomenal job at portraying a Zuko who is angry and aggressive, yes, but also so very sweet and compassionate at his core. I love when little inklings of his true self shine through.

- Roku was… not what I expected. He was very much more of a lighthearted and jokey person… I didn’t hate it, it was just unexpected lol. I wonder if they did that to contrast him with Kyoshi. Which, speaking of, I’m glad Roku clarified that Aang doesn’t just need to be a merciless warrior (and that he didn’t berate Aang for “abandoning” the world like she did). But I still am annoyed about the mischaracterization of Kyoshi in general.

- RIP Shyu :/

- Thought it was kind of strange how June captures Aang at Roku’s temple lol. Like how did she get on and off the island??

- Zhao continues to feel like a completely different character to me lmao. I think this version is pretty funny, but it’s so weird to see Zhao being portrayed as so goofy and incompetent when he was such an intimidating force and the main villain of Book 1 in the OG series. Just a weird direction they went with his character.

- The Yuyan archers look cool as fuck. 10/10 no notes

- Still not sure how I feel about Azula already being this insecure and jealous of Zuko. I think it makes her feel a bit more realistically like a child, but the whole point of Azula’s character is that she is really good at maintaining this cool and calm persona on the surface, which she uses to scare and manipulate people. I can see her maybe getting to a point later on to where she hardens herself into that though. We’ll see.

- Baby Zuko asking Iroh how he looks and his little smile 😭😭😭😭 I had a physical “aww” reaction to that. THAT’S MY SON (me and Iroh shouting in unison)

- War Room scene was handled very well. No complaints. I like how Ozai tried to test Zuko with battle strategies.

- Blue Spirit break out scene was extremely close to the original, and it was really good. They adapted it almost shot for shot with all the important parts.

- Here’s probably my favorite part of the episode: Zuko and Aang’s talk inside the abandoned house after they escape from Pohuai!!!!!! Gahhhh I could gush about this scene all day. I love how they expanded it to be an actual friendly conversation between Aang and Zuko. Like we get to see Zuko’s true self coming through - the sweet, kind boy we know he is. Zuko and Aang just have such great chemistry as well, wayyy more than Aang has with either Sokka or Katara. Like I adored them bonding over painting and caligraphy!!! I think this is the best acting we’ve seen from Gordon so far, and Dallas did a phenomenal job switching back to that hurt, angry version of himself (of course a trauma response). And the fact that Aang said “sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you” when he blocked Zuko’s firebending attack??? My sweet boy 😭

- The final flashback to the Agni Kai was really well done too. I’d already heard Zuko fights back, which I wasn’t sure I’d like, but I actually didn’t mind it. I really liked that they showed Zuko’s hesitation whenever he did actually have an opening, and that was what angered Ozai the most - Zuko showing compassion, “weakness”. Daniel Dae Kim is of course doing a phenomenal job (no surprises there), and I really liked that Iroh actually attempted to stop Ozai at one point. It also looked like young Azula had tears in her eyes, which I again actually liked because it humanizes her.

- I loved that Aang was still there when Zuko woke up on the boat 😭 he wanted to make sure he was okay!! I full on started crying when we got the “do you think we could have been friends too?” lines from him. Again, Gordon killed it. I love how you can tell that Aang knows Zuko has been hurt and that’s why he acts the way he does. He doesn’t blame him for any of it. 10/10

- the last flashback to Zuko in his bed recovering from the burn… god the tears just kept flowing. I really liked the choice to have Ozai almost give Zuko a chance to like… idk understand why he did what he did, and how compassion is “weak”?? And then Zuko’s response to give people a chance 😭😭😭 as if I couldn’t love him any more!!! And then of course Ozai gets pissed. But seeing baby Zuko just cry in his bed UGH I’m dehydrated at this point

- Of course I can’t finish this review without mentioning the 41st division. What an incredible way to expand upon the source material by making them Zuko’s crew!!! It shows just how much Zuko truly cares about others and it moved me so much (once again to tears).

I don’t have high hopes for the last two episodes, but honestly, if this is what the live action can be, it gives me a bit of hope (at least for future seasons). I really think that Dallas, Gordon, Paul, and Daniel were the stars of this ep and are a big part of what made it so good.

#atla #natla #netflix atla spoilers #natla spoilers #atla live action #avatar the last airbender netflix #avatar the last airbender #atla netflix #atla meta #natla meta #zuko #aang #iroh #ozai #zukaang

[moghedien]

Lupe, Carson, and Gaydar

I've joked about the scene when Carson confronts Lupe in the gay bar constantly. It is maybe my favorite scene in the show, definitely the one I’ve rewatched the most, and it's my motivation for writing this. Because while it is an extremely funny scene, and it's very funny that Lupe seemed to be the only one that didn't realize that Carson was gay, I feel like it reveals a lot about their dynamic up until this point. I've made jokes about Lupe having a busted gaydar, because on the surface, sure, but I feel like its a lot more complicated than that.

Ignoring the scene itself for now, let’s start in the beginning-ish. Carson and Lupe don’t really interact all that much in the first episode. The one significant scene they do have is when all of the Peaches are at the bar (not the gay one), and we get the ending of a conversation they’re having. Lupe has apparently told Carson that her dad didn’t want her going there, but she went anyway. Then Carson says that she kinda ran away too. Lupe asks if that’s why she looks so different now (given her recent haircut from Greta) and Carson says she doesn’t look that different. Lupe says she does and then walks away. It's not an unpleasant conversation. There's not really anything negative going on here, and it honestly seems like Lupe is flirting at the end there. Carson doesn't really pick up on that though, and Lupe just sort of leaves and they don't really have any similar interactions after this.

This scene alone shows that while Lupe might not have straight up known that Carson was gay, she was at least willing to test the waters to see if that was a possibility. But even though their interaction here ends well, she never really attempts to flirt with Carson again. There is probably reason for that.

In the second episode, again there isn’t much in the way of interaction between the two of them. However, this is where you can begin to see that they’re in very different worlds. In fact, they’re both living in very different worlds than the majority of their team. First, let’s address Carson, and to explain Carson’s big divergence from the rest of her team, I think Greta actually explained it best.

During Charm School, it's made apparent that Carson is more or less immune to the danger that a lot of the girls are in here. Not only is she not masculine presenting like some of the girls are, she’s married. She’s not a danger to the team’s image, if anything she’s an asset. Because what better way to prove that they aren’t destroying womanhood than to have women who are not only married, but married to men currently serving in the war. Carson isn’t fucking going anywhere. Lupe on the other hand, is at risk, and she seems to know it. 

She is trying to smile and give a good attitude and appearance when she's being judged.

While Jess and Fern (the girl who gets kicked out) are joking with Carson, Lupe is taking this all very seriously. You don't see her often in these scenes, but when you do, she's focused. It's almost bizarre when you notice it for the first time.

And then afterward, when they pass and the surviving Peaches are going out to eat, Lupe isn't visibly uncomfortable in the same way that Jess is. Jess is physically uneasy with herself. Lupe, maybe has some of that too, but she seems more to be trying to mentally snap out of something. As if she had to put herself in a headspace that isn't comfortable or easy for her to get out of.

Lupe isn't the only one uncomfortable after Charm School, but she definitely was one of the ones that was, where again, Carson wasn't. Carson was always safe, and she wouldn't have even realized how unsafe the others were if Greta hadn't been blunt with her about it. They are exceptions within their team, but while Carson's exceptions makes her safer, Lupe's puts her in danger.

So let's jump ahead to their first game.

So the very first game starts for Lupe with racism. Not only are they playing on racist tropes in order to get the "customers" interested in her, but they also also have to lie about her to make her more palatable. Her being Mexican isn't appealing and might actually upset people, so the league has decided to make her Spanish instead. This along with the sexism that all of the other girls received from the announcer, is what she's greeted with on her first game.

Now, maybe Carson received some sexist comments too. I'm sure she did to some extent, but she's again, married to a man currently serving at war. I don't think that she would have gotten nearly as much as the unmarried girls, especially since the announcer seems to feel the need to point out which girls are single. And she definitely didn't get any of the racism that Lupe (and probably Esti, though I don't recall a specific instance of that) got while playing. Not to mention that when the girls get their first pay checks in episode 3, Lupe and Esti are the only ones that Bev feels the need to tell this to:

For some reason they are the only two that Bev feels the need to suggest they be patriotic. I'm sure its nothing.

None of this specifically connects their relationship, but it's important background knowledge to keep in your head when looking at the next few episodes. Because this is the world that Lupe is living in when she really starts to see Carson very differently than her initial flirting.

So episode three is where you really start to see the conflict between Lupe and Carson develop, and for the most part it initially just revolves around them independently trying to deal with Dove. No one on the team seems unaware that Dove is an issue, though it seems on a surface level that Lupe doesn’t notice it, given that she appears to just goes along with everything Dove says without question. Even the other girls think that Lupe is “up Dove’s ass” and would rat them out if she knew they were doing secret practices, so they don’t tell her. They all exclude her. Even Esti. Even Jess. And she knows that she’s being excluded from something because she wakes up for breakfast and nobody is there. 

Now, the secret practice itself isn’t entirely Carson’s doing. They all came up with the idea more or less together and went along with it, but Carson is the only other one on the team that is seen trying to deal with the Dove problem (outside of Jo telling him something and him lashing out on her). Her initial attempt was to give him a conversation pie. Now to literally anyone with eyeballs who isn't experiencing this show through Carson's point of view, it would look like Carson is sucking up to him. This is after Greta repeatedly made jokes about Dove being her “daddy,” and making Carson reveal that she and Dove have talked privately. So, Carson looks like she’s sucking up to Dove. Not only that, she made him a fucking pie. Can you get more stereotypically conservative American housewife than making someone a pie and then trying to talk to them about some problems you want them to fix.

Let’s talk about Lupe’s reaction to Dove. Lupe is not comfortable with Dove, but like Charm School, she sees it as something she just has to get through. If you think she likes Dove, let’s look at her initial reaction to when Dove gave her the nickname that sticks with her for the rest of the season.

Dove just says a bunch of racist stuff to her face (after indicating that she would be the keeper of his legacy, of course) and then goes on with the interview. Lupe is visibly upset by this, and looks to the other two authority figures that could stop Dove, and she gets told to keep smiling. So she nods, and continues to smile through the interview while Dove strokes his own ego. 

Lupe does not like this man. Lupe tells the reporter that she’s just excited to get some in before Dove interrupts her, and reminds them all that they’re here to talk about him. So it's made clear to Lupe that the way to get through this is with Dove. So Lupe sticks with Dove. Early on, maybe she could have been convinced to go against him some, but why would she go against him later on? When the other girls did so, they specifically left her out.

Lupe injures herself doing Dove’s stupid pitch because she’s not given any other way to make it for herself except through Dove, because her own teammates excluded her. There might have been ways to get through to her if they’d tried, but they didn’t. So now Lupe has to double down and stick with Dove’s plans entirely because its the only one. 

Now, let’s think of some of the reasons why Lupe might think she has been left out. She might realize she’s “up Dove’s ass.” Maybe she does, maybe she doesn’t. But Carson made him a fucking pie to butter him up. She’s looks like she's up Dove's ass too and she went to the secret practices. So what else could there be? She’s not the only Hispanic person in the house who’s whiteness and patriotism is actively questioned. Esti went to the practice. And she’s not the only visibly queer person. She is however, the only one that hits all of these "faults." Others might be different, but Lupe is too different. At least, she is if you're someone who would be bothered by different things.

We the audience know that this isn’t why Lupe was excluded. But why would Lupe know that? Especially when Esti eventually outs Carson as the person behind the practices. Regardless of whether or not it's actually her doing entirely, she’s the one that gets pointed to, and you know what, that would just make sense, wouldn’t it. 

Little Miss American housewife with the army husband, from a farm in the country excluding Lupe specifically. When Lupe gets injured, Carson is the one that jumps on benching her. Carson seems to be the one isolating her from the team, and is now trying to get her off it. Unlike that first night in the bar, now Lupe would be well aware that Carson is married with her husband at war. That she’s from a farm (not really but ya know). Lupe doesn’t know about Carson’s internal goings on. She doesn’t know about her getting close to Greta or any of the others that might be queer. Lupe sees her own experiences with Carson and has figured out who Carson is: a typical white conservative housewife from rural America that would turn her ass in the second she had a reason to. Genuinely, why would Lupe think anything else of her at this point? She hasn't been able to see any other side of Carson.

So jumping forward quite a bit to when Dove leaves. Lupe has up until this point been doing everything that she was “supposed” to do and gets rewarded by most of the team picking Carson over her as the coach. Lupe was the one that stuck with Dove like management wanted and Carson was the one that lead the coup against him, yet Carson gets rewarded. Wonder why? 

This entire time, tensions between them increase. When they’re playing the night game and trying to call out the cheating, Carson gives some stupid speech about what her soldier husband would want. Lupe actually knows the rules and gets something done about it. Carson is given authority because she’s the token white married woman on the team (except maybe Terri but ignore Terri we have no idea if she’s actually married). She’s the safe one. Lupe ticks too many boxes on why she isn’t acceptable despite doing everything right. 

Then, we have Greta making things a bit worse.

Here we have Greta just sticking her beautiful birdlike neck in where it shouldn't be in order to try to stick up for her girlfriend. Lupe doesn’t know they’re together or even that they're gay. She probably doesn’t even know they’re friends because of how discreet they've been trying to be. She just sees Greta confirming that she’s known all along. Carson is the poster girl. Lupe is the one that’s too much. After Greta leaves, she angrily and sarcastically asks “Why’s that?” and then beats her hat against the post when Carson leaves. The woman is at a breaking point. 

And then the fight happens.

It’s the fucking hick comment that convinced me, really. 

Lupe tells Carson that she hasn’t been able to play because of her, because yeah, from where she’s sitting it does look like Carson’s fault. Carson is the one that didn’t include her in practices. Carson is the one that got her benched. Carson is the one that took the job that she was more qualified for. And every single person has sided with Carson against her. Can we blame Lupe for finally having enough? Because even if she’s missing very important context that would explain things some, she has no way of having that context. 

And to cap things off, when she finally just has enough and the fight happens, everyone still sides with Carson against her. Carson becomes the full time coach, everyone blames her for the fight, and the only person that eventually somewhat understands what the problem is, is Jess. Even then, that’s only when Lupe explicitly points out to Jess that she’s dealing with shit Jess doesn’t have to think about.  And while Jess eventually gets that, she still has more context than Lupe because she not only was included in all of the things that Lupe wasn’t, she also knows that Carson and Greta are fucking. So she knows that Carson isn’t entirely the impression that Lupe has of her.

And now we get to the scene. 

Lupe has been through all of this. She has had to deal with this woman for the entire season. Things are finally calming down. Then one night when she’s at a gay bar, where she is explicitly safe from people like Carson, Carson fucking follows her to the bar. 

Now this is terrifying. Because while Carson could only argue and complain before, now she caught Lupe doing something no one is supposed to do, someplace none of them are supposed to be. Like, literally, Carson is now a serious danger to Lupe, a danger to Jess, a danger to Lupe’s date, and a danger to the entire bar. It initially seems to Lupe like Carson knows exactly what is going on and is disgusted by it. And if she said something, people would believe Carson. Because they always have before, and honestly, who wouldn’t believe it if Carson outed Lupe? 

See I joke about Lupe’s broken gaydar here, because it is funny. Like, literally every other queer person knew something was up with Carson, but none of them were Lupe. None of them had to deal with things that Lupe had to deal with, and none of them were excluded as much as she was. Lupe’s gaydar is broken with Carson because she never had a chance to have any other impression of Carson. And clearly it wasn’t actually broken, because she tested the waters with Carson the very first night in Rockford. It was everything that happened after that made it seem like that initial impression was very wrong.

 This revelation that Carson is not only queer, but sleeping with Greta really flips everything for Lupe. Because what she thought she understood as passive aggressive hostility was clearly just Carson being fucking stupid and clueless. And now she’s not the bigot that is gonna turn her in and ruin her life and dreams of pitching, but she’s a little baby gay who didn’t even know that places like this existed. That didn’t know the Jess and Lupe were gay, or what butch means, or that half of the league is gay. Now Lupe's laughing with Jess as they try to explain queer shit to Carson, and that is the first time she really seems comfortable around Carson. Because this is when Lupe realizes that Carson has been excluded from something this entire time that she didn't even know existed.

It's not just that she hated Carson and so assumed that she was straight, or that she learned that Carson is gay and so suddenly likes her. It’s that she didn’t have any reason to believe anything but the worst about Carson, and now she has the context that makes a lot of things suddenly make some sense. And because now, she’s clearly the authority on things that Carson really wants to learn about. Now they actually know each other’s secrets, and they’re shared secrets and it’s found in a place where they don’t have to hide it. This is the first time that Lupe and Carson are instantly on the same page about something.

After this, there’s no real tension between them. It's not so much that everything is ok and fixed. Lupe is still dealing with stuff, it's just clearly not Carson that's the issue anymore. It's not Carson who seems to be doing these things to her. Carson's now one of the few people that's approachable and who Lupe is willing to loosen up and joke with. Whereas before she might have tried to avoid Carson entirely unless absolutely necessary, now she's pulling Carson in to mess with other people and have fun with their ignorance. It's other people that won't know what's going on now.

Now that they share something, it's almost everyone else on the team (and otherwise) that’s excluded from their fun. Now, they’re both actually understanding each other and can work together for the first time.

Now it's not Lupe excluded from the rest of the team, and it's not Carson thinking that she and Greta are alone in their queerness. Now it's all of the queer Peaches having their own celebration together and not letting anyone else in on it. Because as overdone the metaphor is, now they all know they're on the same team.

So, no, I don't think Lupe's gaydar was broken, no matter how funny that joke is or how many times I make it (and will continue to make it). I just think that there was some very understandable interference preventing her from getting a good reading.

____________________________________

Other ALOTO essays:

Queerness, Contamination, and the Neurosis of Shirley Cohen

Greta Gill: Visibility and Isolation

Max in Oz

#a league of their own #carson shaw #lupe garcia #aloto #aloto analysis

[theflyindutchwoman]

Can you better explain how Isabel factored into Tim and Lucy's fight? I've rewatched the scene multiple times trying to understand, but I'm just not making the connection, and I know I'm missing something. I thought the fight was about Lucy making detective, but then she brought up Tim's trauma with Isabel, and I'm just not seeing how they connect.

I can certainly try - whether I'll succeed, however, is another matter… Make yourself comfortable, it's going to be a long post. As always, this is merely my interpretation.

The fight was initially about Lucy making detective and escalated from there. That's because the issue goes beyond just this test : all of this is intrinsically connected to the whole undercover work storyline. This is the reason why she is taking this exam in the first place : so she can become a UC. And that is the crux of the matter. This is the topic they have yet to fully discuss : how Tim truly feels about her becoming a full UC officer considering his past traumatic experience. It has been bubbling for the last five episodes… And this time, it blew over.

In my opinion, you can see the progression of their argument in these 3 key scenes.

/ 1st - First scene in the shop (Lucy's spiraling) Here, Lucy is entirely focused on the detective exam. This is about the pressure she is feeling. Taking an exam is already stressful enough, but add the fact that one of the higher-ups is gunning for her, and her anxiety is understandable. I believe that up to this point, she has been trying not to let it get to her. We saw a bit of her distress when she found out about Primm potentially blocking her in 5.19, but that was it. Now that the date is approaching though, the cracks are starting to show. As someone else mentioned, she asked for TO/Sergeant Bradford to help her when really, she wanted (and needed) Boyfriend Tim. You can already see how she is second-guessing herself when she says she should have asked Nyla or Angela for help. And after that, well… She starts spiraling. Part of the reason why she cracks here is that she feels safe : she's in the shop, riding with Tim. This is an environment she is familiar with. So she starts unloading. Only, once she starts, she can't stop. She overthinks everything in a way we haven't seen her do before, not even when she was still a rookie. And Tim in that moment is completely caught off-guard, not knowing what to do. And to be frank, I don't think he realises how bad it is yet. Now, speaking from experience, I'm not entirely sure there was anything he could have said that would have made a difference. I've been on both sides of the equation and you usually feel powerless. What could have possibly helped was doing some breathing exercises with her, making her focus on the here and now, or simply taking a small walk… Like in that scene with Barnes and the ladybug in 3.11. Anything really to take her mind off that exam. But I'm afraid that would have only been helpful in the short term since the issue at heart goes far deeper than the exam.

/ 2nd - The fight in the shop (stake out) This is where the conversation starts to (slowly) shift away from the exam itself. At this point, Lucy is on a downward spiral and is second-guessing everything, including taking the exam. It's clear by the tears in her eyes that she is barely holding it together. Tim's immediate reaction is to protest and reassure her that she is ready. And when she argues that it would be better for her to wait, he tries to reassure her again that there's nothing wrong that. He even makes sure to emphasise that she can still do some undercover assignments while in patrol. Because he knows this is why she wants to become a detective. There is no malice in his words. He is genuinely trying to be supportive and help her deescalate. He trusts her to know what's best for her and if she says it is to wait, then he will support her. Just like he trusted her when she wanted to stay undercover after finding out Rosalind had escaped. Unfortunately, Lucy understands something entirely different. What she hears is that he doesn't believe she can pass the exam. Otherwise he would have insisted. And from there, she spirals even more. Her mind is projecting and creating a whole new scenario. Remember when I said she is second-guessing everything? Well, now it includes Tim. When you spiral, your mind tends to jump to the worst case-scenario. And before they can clarify this, the suspect shows up.

/ 3rd - The final scene And this is when it all comes crashing down. Tim is still trying to figure out what happened while Lucy's mind is already somewhere else. He's playing catch up here. When you think about it, it's not that different from the 'unless it is' scene : when they met outside the station back then, Tim was trying to understand why she didn't want to break up with Chris while Lucy was one step ahead of him and blurted her confession out. When they meet here in the parking garage (a few steps away from where they were in 5.08 by the way), she looks completely defeated. She solved the case but it doesn't feel like a victory. Now, her doubts go far beyond Primm and the exam. Doubts poison everything. And make you question everything. And in that moment, the thing she is questioning is why Tim doesn't believe she can pass the exam.

So why does she jump to Tim's trauma with Isabel? Because, in her mind, that's the reason why he is scared of her becoming a detective. If she passes the exam, she will be an undercover cop. Her words are : "Did you undermine me today because you're scared that I'm gonna make detective?". "Scared" being the operative word here. Like I said earlier, this is where I think the context helps. Ever since she told him about taking the detective exam in 5.19, she has tried on numerous occasion to broach the topic of undercover - to no avail. He has either deflected or walked away. Like in that couch scene at the end of 5.20 : "I'm worried that you won't [be able to handle me going deep undercover] - I'll be fine". Or that scene in the laundry room : "Look, it's not my first time - I know. It's probably what makes it worse - All right, now's not the time to talk about this". Before it finally blew over a little at the end : "If this is gonna work between us, I need to know that you can see the difference - Of course I can". And there's something to be said in the mirroring in the language here : "if this is gonna work between us" in 5.21 / "this isn't gonna work if you're gonna lie to me" in 6.01.

She knows about his trauma and like he said, he has acknowledged it with her since day one. But that was then. That was before they became a couple. Since their relationship changed, with the exception of that final scene in 5.21, he has yet to open up on how he truly feels about her doing undercover work. And because she knows him and his past, she can sense that he's hiding something. She can sense he is scared. He all but admitted it in 5.21 after all. But that conversation just scratched the surface.

The other reason she brings up his past and trauma is because the one time they did talk about this was when he jumped to the conclusion that she was hiding things while undercover, the way Isabel did. But they didn't go deeper, they were too raw back then. Still, this part of the conversation probably stuck with her. She has internalised everything for so long, has bottled up all those feelings, those things left unsaid until she couldn't contain them anymore. And she blurted everything out at the worst time. That's the issue when you don't talk about things : your intentions can get misconstrued. And watching your partner walk away from the difficult conversation, before you can actually talk things through, takes its toll on you. It creates a doubt. Now add all that spiraling, all that second-guessing she has done all day long and you got a recipe for disaster. She arrives at this crashing point where she second-guesses him. Because she is afraid too. She is afraid that the other shoe is about to drop.

Now from Tim's perspective, I believe he is sincere in his support. And I don't think that in this episode, his past even crossed his mind. He genuinely wants her to succeed, to have the career that she wants and deserves. When he says that she's different, that they're going to figure out, he means it. When he said they were worth the risk, he meant it. He already knew she was going to do undercover work. But he's also scared. The most obvious time was in 5.20 where they were sitting on the couch. The fear was written all over his face. That said, I get where he's coming from too : after his reaction in 3.06, I can understand why he is more guarded. That he doesn't want his fears to influence her in any way. "You don't let anyone ever tell you you can't do something. Not even me." I can imagine that he is afraid that should he be entirely honest, it would put Lucy in a situation where she feels that she has to choose between him and UC. And that's the last thing he wants. He doesn't want to be the one to hold her back in any form. Like he said in 5.02. He wants the best for her so he will be supportive, no matter what her decision is.

And here's the irony for you : he wants to be so supportive that he doesn't see that what she needs even more is honesty from him and that without that honesty, it is creating a doubt in her mind. It's a loop they are stuck in. At least, for now. All it takes to break that loop is to talk.

I hope this helped shed some light on the connection and answered your question :)

#ask & ye shall receive #the rookie #chenford #lucy chen #tim bradford #6.01

[t-lostinworlds]

A Strange(r’s) Comfort | Peter Parker

A/N: had this idea right after i saw nwh which was...years ago now lol. rewatched it again recently so here’s me dusting off a wip that’s been sitting in my drafts. basically, this is just me giving peter some comfort in a way, bc that boy really needs one :((

》 PAIRING: peter parker x female!reader 》 TROPE/GENRE: strangers to lovers (mostly implied); soft angst; hurt/comfort 》 SUMMARY: Peter found a strange comfort in the graveyard, no less. But hearing about your day-to-day had been the highlight of his. And when one night led to the both you showing vulnerability, suddenly, Peter didn't feel so alone anymore. Maybe a stranger's comfort wasn't so bad. 》 WARNINGS: Spoilers? (i mean it’s been a while); bad jokes/puns (one about chicken & one about sex lmao); peter eavesdropping (sorta...ya know, enhanced hearing); it’s mostly set in the graveyard so...; mentions of: death, car accident, drunk drivers, being in jail for a moment, petty theft, peer pressure; and overall just dealing with grief and peter & reader bonding over their experience with grief. 》 WORD COUNT: 5.2k+ (issa baby fic)

📍 BLOG NAVIGATION ✩ P. PARKER MASTERLIST ✩ MAIN MASTERLIST ✩

⊱ ─────.⋅♚ *｡･ﾟ.★. *｡･ﾟ✫*.

Some might consider it unhealthy, but was there really a 'right' way to deal with the loss of someone you hold near and dear to your heart? They might even say it was excessive, but who were they to police him? They didn't know what he was going through. They could never understand what he was going through.

A part of him had excused it with his wounds being fresh, that with time, he'd be able to learn not to dwell too long on the remnants of the people he loves. Maybe with time, he'd be able to move on, something that seemed so impossible at the moment. But he'll get there—well, he hoped so, at least.

Either way, there was no doubt that everyone handled grief differently.

For Peter Parker, that was visiting May's grave every day.

Once was enough.

That was what he limited himself to, at least.

But still, it was barely enough to settle the demons in his head. Barely enough to stop him from replaying the scene over and over.

Peter had been recalculating in utter desperation as to what else he could've done better, what else he could've done more to save her.

That was what it was like most nights.

Some nights, though, his mind would switch things up a bit, thinking that maybe he was going about it wrong. Maybe it was a case of what he shouldn't have done.

Those nights Peter sometimes found himself picking apart every choice he'd ever made before it led to that point.

Maybe if he hadn't chosen to go on that stupid school trip to Europe then this wouldn't have happened. Maybe his identity wouldn't have been revealed and it wouldn't have led for that first domino to tumble, knocking over the rest that made his life turn for the absolute worse.

Or maybe, he didn't need to go that far back in the past. Maybe he simply shouldn't have chosen to question Dr. Strange's decision to send those villains back to where they came from immediately.

But sadly, that was all there was to it.

Peter's thoughts were simply and only just a whole bunch of unanswerable maybes.

Maybe this, maybe that. Maybe he owed it to them to try his best and fix things, maybe he didn't owe them anything at all. Maybe it was the wrong choice to try and save everyone, maybe it was right.

Aunt May said he did the right thing.

But it didn't feel like it sometimes.

Hell, it didn't even feel like it was even worth it. And no matter how much he tried to tell himself that it was right, his thoughts still managed to convince him that every. single. choice he made was simply wrong.

It wasn't even difficult to come to that conclusion anymore. Because ever since he got bitten by that spider, his loss considerably outweighed all his wins. And from then onwards, it just felt like he kept losing, and losing, and losing, and losing.

Right now, the most mundane thing he'd been losing lately was sleep, at the very least.

He'd gotten a job as a delivery guy at this small chicken joint a couple of streets down his apartment. Some might call it cheating—in his opinion, it was simply taking a shortcut—but he'd leave the bicycle they'd lend him in an alleyway and just swing the chickens to their destination. Sure, changing in and out of his suit was a bit tiring but it was definitely far better than dealing with New York traffic.

Apart from that, he'd also begun with some freelance photography work, dusting off the old DSLR camera Ben and May got him. He got decent at it a while back. But it got long forgotten the minute they bought him his first video game console, two years later.

He was starting off small, from random birthday parties to taking photos of restaurants or any establishment that was looking to use the pictures for ads or whatever. He was up for anything, anyone who didn't mind getting an okay photo at best.

There wasn't much to it, though, since nobody was really keen on hiring someone who didn't have experience. As a matter of fact, he didn't even have a high school diploma. Which had now led to him sacrificing countless hours of studying for his GED tests.

So, it was safe to say that he was handling a lot, especially juggling it with his still ongoing nighttime patrols.

Yet all of that seemed so much easier compared to what he had to deal with once he was lying in bed, wide awake even if it was past midnight. What went on in his day-to-day was only a fraction of the reason why he was losing sleep because his damning thoughts just had a habit of being so loud once everything else had quieted down.

It was hard as it was dealing with grief, even though he for sure had dealt with it more times than needed in such a short amount of time.

But what was more difficult about it this time around, was dealing with alone.

And Peter Parker was truly and utterly, alone.

No fellow Avenger to advise on ways to deal with this. After all, they were the only people who could understand even the slightest bit of what he was going through.

Saving the rest only to fail at saving one, losing someone in the midst of fighting for the rest of the world.

No Happy to offer some guidance on dealing with the loss of someone near and dear to you. Or for him to just be there as someone Peter could relate to, just like when Tony had died.

No Ned and MJ to give him company, offer their different ways of comfort as best as they could. They weren't there to simply make him laugh, offer that tiniest moment of reprieve, distract him with their theories and arguments about anything and everything to help him escape from, well, everything.

Right now, Peter had no one.

Going from having the people he truly cared about be only one call away, to suddenly being someone labeled as 'unknown number' in their contact lists, it was difficult.

But maybe he would just learn to live with it.

And maybe the first step to being able to live with his grief was to visit May frequently.

It didn't matter what time of the day it was. Whether it was early morning or just a few minutes after lunch, or when the sky started tinting orange as the sun slowly set. Midday or midnight, dusk or dawn, it didn't matter as long as he could visit her just once.

Maybe a part of him was hoping that by some miracle he'd hear her voice again, telling him, even if it was the last time, that you're going to be okay.

Peter needed it, so badly. He needed to be told that things would turn out alright because him being fine? It seemed like a far-off dream at this point.

He'd been to space, been to the mirror dimension, fought villains from other universes, been the center of a spell that erased people's memories and made them forget who he was.

Surely hearing the voice of a loved one that had passed wasn't too much to ask?

Yet every day, every moment he ventured into the graveyard, he was met by silence.

Well, aside from the distant hum of New York as life moved on. There was also the deep howl of the wind at night, a few cracking branches accompanied by the soft coo of crows.

Some would probably find peace from all the white noise, but Peter couldn't say he found any comfort in it. He'd only grown accustomed to it, used to tuning out the rest of the world to avoid being reminded of a life he once had.

Still, quietness had always been typical during his visits.

That, until one Saturday afternoon.

•••

Peter sensed another person approaching before he could even see them.

The soft crunch of fallen leaves was what he heard first, followed by a soft humming of some holiday song.

He looked up from the book he was reading, curious eyes landing on someone carrying flowers, a slight pep in her step which was unusual given the location.

Still, there was something about you that Peter couldn't help but be drawn to.

"There we go, all nice and clean," he heard you say, rustling of dried leaves and the soft brushing of clothes following suit. "And flowers well hydrated with bottled spring water."

You were talking to yourself.

It was a habit, he assumed. You just seemed comfortable doing it, as if you were having a mundane conversation with someone else.

Peter found it oddly endearing.

"I brought your favorite this time Dad because I am sure you're complaining to Mom why I always bring her favorite flowers," you explained with a soft laugh. "I sometimes forget you're a flowers type of guy, too."

No—you weren't talking to yourself.

You were talking to the gravestone.

His curiosity piqued even more.

It wasn't that you were being loud, either. Not at all. You were speaking softly as you typically would if you were by yourself in a graveyard, no less.

But because of his enhanced hearing, he simply couldn't help but listen.

"Sorry I haven't been here for a little while, just been busy with you know, moving, college, finding a job with a minimum wage that will not cover rent alone so what even is the point? We look for a job to survive but when we do find a job it doesn't even pay you enough to get by? Some people don't even hire you because 'not enough experience' and I'm like, duh? I'm trying to gain experience hence why I'm applying? Who even invented this shithole?"

Peter found himself nodding along, unable to argue with your claims when they were filled with nothing but the truth.

"Sorry, sorry, it just doesn't make a damn sense," you sighed. He could almost hear you rolling your eyes. "Anyway, I then have other adult things I really don't want to deal with like learning how to deal with taxes and stuff which is so dumb given I'm close to broke and—where does my tax go, anyway? Some politician's tenth vacation to the Bahamas, probably."

For the first time in a long while, Peter cracked a smile.

"Ugh, I am sorry, I promise I don't come here only to complain to you guys," you said, "But I am doing okay…"

He couldn't really explain the 'why,' but the soft tug in his heartstrings was definitely real when he heard the melancholia in your voice.

"The holidays are coming up," you said softly, the slight shake in your tone unmistakable. Yet as it rushed to the surface, it was just as quickly replaced with a chipper one.

"They always tell me how you both are watching over me now. But I don't know if I really want that," you sighed exaggeratedly. "Not because I hate you guys. But imagine if I was having sex? I really don't want to think about you 'watching over me' because it's really uncomfortable."

Peter couldn't stop his snort, his eyes widening as he spared you a glance. He was as grateful that you didn't seem to hear him.

The last thing he wanted was for you to think he was eavesdropping—well, maliciously, at least.

"It's a joke, Mom. See, Dad gets it."

Silence hung in the air after that, a sudden gust of wind blowing away the leaves that littered the snow-covered grass.

But he had a feeling the shake in your voice wasn't because of the cold.

"I really miss you guys…"

Peter left at that.

He didn't see you again for the next few days, probably because he never did visit at the same hour of the day. He never actively tried to see what time you were there, either—if you went every day at all. He'd just become a stalker at that point.

So, every time you did cross paths, it was entirely by chance.

The next encounter was when he brought his lunch with him to the graveyard. He'd caught sight of you sitting on a pink blanket that was laid out on the grass, legs crossed with a box of pizza to your right.

Instinctively, you looked up and over your shoulder when you heard his footsteps.

Your eyes immediately locked with his.

Pretty was the first word that came to his mind.

Beautiful, when you offered him a sweet and warm smile.

"Hello," you greeted.

Peter couldn't help but smile in return.

"Hi."

Nothing else was said after that.

You both respectively ate your lunches in your little corners, your soft humming bringing a comforting peace, one he still couldn't quite explain.

And from there on out, Peter learned that you did go there every day, but it was only either at lunchtime or late in the afternoon.

Because whenever Peter went during those times, you were always there.

As he said, he never actively tried to be there whenever you were. He didn't change anything with his routine. He still went there at random times of the day.

You and him crossing paths simply happened.

And most of those moments, Peter couldn't help but listen in on your rambles.

It might have been wrong, otherwise, creepy, but it wasn't like you were unaware of his presence. You weren't being loud, but you weren't exactly whispering into nothing either. If it were an unenhanced being, they would still hear you, but maybe only slightly inaudible. Peter just had the ability to make out your words a little clearer than the average person.

Besides, all your stories had been mundane at most, quite adorable at best.

Like that one time you ran into a post because you saw a cat wearing some boots and a clear raincoat across the road. Or that time you missed your stop in the subway because you kept talking to a Corgi who was lounging comfortably in their owner's backpack.

"His little legs were so cute!"

Like he said, adorable.

But if it was something personal, though, he'd learned to tune it out. He made sure to keep those matters out of his ear, leaving your private conversations, well, private.

Yet your silly and terrible jokes, your gripes about society and the unfairness of the world, to your little story times and mundane gossip of what you'd heard on the street, Peter couldn't help but tune in as if he was listening to the morning radio.

It made Peter feel lighter somewhat, a feeling he never once associated when being in a graveyard.

He didn't know if it was your stories, or if it was simply hearing that soft tone of your voice. Either way, he found it comforting, which was so strange.

Never had he ever thought he would find comfort from a stranger, no less.

A strange comfort.

•••

"People always ask why did the chicken cross the road. They never ask why the chicken didn't cross the road."

Peter perked up in curiosity, ready to hear another of the many jokes you'd completely ruined.

He found it absolutely hilarious how you were churning typical and old punchlines into horrible ones.

The funniest part was, it seemed like you were doing it on purpose.

"Why, you ask? Because they physically can't anymore," you said, pausing for added effect. "People enjoy eating chicken legs way too much."

Peter's eyes grew wide, gaze landing on the chicken leg he just finished. He couldn't stop the sound that escaped his lips.

It was a mix between a wheeze, a laugh, and a cough.

Loud enough to get your attention.

"Hey," you called, voice sounding closer. "Are you okay?"

"Oh—uhm, hi," he stammered, caught off guard when you were now suddenly in front of him. Clearing his throat, he nodded. "And yeah, I'm good,"

"Do you need some water?" You offered him a bottle.

"No, no, I've got my own," he declined, lifting his bottle. "But thank you."

"Oh okay," you said, smiling sweetly. "It just sounded like you were choking or something so I wanted to make sure if you were alright."

Peter blushed.

"No, I was…uhm—" He scratched the back of his neck. "I was holding back my laugh."

You tilted your head, bottom lip jutted out and Peter found himself thinking of ways to smooth out the little crinkled on your forehead, maybe kiss—wait what?

"Why would you do that?" you asked.

Shit.

Did I say that out loud?

"Sorry?" He blinked at you.

"Why would you hold back your laugh?"

"Oh," he sighed, mostly in relief. "Just didn't want to seem creepy and I wasn't…eavesdropping or anything but I uhm—heard your joke." Chuckling shyly, he smiled. "It was pretty funny."

"Funny because it was bad?" You raised a knowing brow. "If you say it was good then I'm really going to question your sense of humor."

"It was really bad," he admitted, breathing out a laugh.

The way your smile brightened made Peter's heart do a funny thing.

"Thanks," you giggled. "I pride myself in my bad jokes."

"Yeah," he breathed out, willing his heart to stop being so goddamn weird, what is going on with you? "And sorry for not helping the chickens cross the road."

You stared at him confused.

That was until he pointed towards the bag on the ground that had the logo of a chicken on it.

Your hearty laugh rang in the air.

Peter found himself growing warmer at the sound, the burn starting right in his chest and spreading to the whole expanse of his body.

"I—whew, sorry, wow," you heaved after a moment. "Haven't laughed like that in a while."

Both of you fell silent after that—not an awkward one. If anything, it was pleasant, like there was an unspoken understanding being exchanged with a simple look.

"This may seem like weird advice but try and talk to them," you softly said.

Peter looked at you, confused.

You gestured toward the tombstone with a sympathetic smile.

"They might hear it, they might not, there's really no way of knowing," you explained. "But what more could you lose if you try? Plus, you'll get it off your chest and that's always progress."

"I—" Peter nodded, the corner of his lips curling up. "Thank you. I'll keep it in mind."

You smiled at that. "I'll see you around."

"See you around," he hummed, gaze never leaving your figure even as you left, his eyes steady on the path you walked on as he mulled over your words.

It was kind of weird advice, but at the same time, it made perfect sense.

Peter didn't question it nor did he judge—who was he to judge? After all, everyone handled grief differently.

But as he sat down on the ground, eyes steady on the lettering of May's name, he found the words flowing out so easily.

"Hi, May I—" Peter took a sharp breath, blinking away the sting that started to settle in his eyes. "Wow. It's been a while since I've talked to you, huh?"

It started out simple, filling her up with what was new with his life recently—the job, his education, all those mundane stuff.

But then as he shifted from one topic to another, he inevitably started talking about all the things that felt so wrong. And once that train left the station, it was so difficult to stop.

It wasn't a complaint. It was an unloading of the baggage he'd been carrying around alone for quite some time now.

All the loneliness and grief, the boiling anger and consuming regret, the love and the love lost, to the bleak look of what his future held.

Peter didn't realize he was crying until a soft gush of wind brushed his cheeks, the coldness making him catch his breath with a shiver.

And then, a small white butterfly flew right in front of him, stopping momentarily before disappearing into the now setting sky.

Peter let out a breath.

Lighter and relieved.

It could've been a coincidence, or maybe it wasn't at all.

But what more could he lose if he took that as a sign that she heard him?

So with a small, tearful smile, he sighed,

"Thanks for always hearing me out, May."

Since then, he'd grown to tell May about his day. Some were tougher than others, while some were snippets of his new life—mundane and simple but starting to become fulfilling the more he looked at it from different perspectives.

As the weeks passed by, Peter's everyday visits became every other day. At first, the guilt of missing a day was heavily consuming. But it didn't take long for it slowly turn into a soft lull—still there, but not as bad as it used to be.

There was one other thing he hoped for whenever he wandered into the graveyard, though.

To see you again.

If it was one last time just so he could say thank you, then he'd take it.

That didn't mean he wasn't wishing for it to be more.

•••

The hair on every inch of Peter's body stood up when he heard it.

It was definitely not his spider sense going awry. This was very much a human reaction.

Well, he could imagine that when the first thing a person would hear as they venture into a graveyard in the dead of the night was crying, even the toughest men would get spooked.

But as soon as Peter located the source of the sound, his heart broke.

He wasn't expecting to find you, sat on the cold ground alone, hugging your knees to your chest, body shaking with sobs.

His first instinct was to fight whoever it was that made you cry because how fucking dare they?

But with a controlled breath, Peter walked over to you, making sure to step on dried leaves so you'd be aware of his presence.

Your head snapped up at the sound, puffy red eyes landing on him.

His frown could only deepen as he slowly sat beside you, offering you a tender smile with his arms wide open.

You stared at him with furrowed brows, eyes switching between his face and his open arms, downright confused.

Peter couldn't blame you. After all, you didn't know him.

He was ready for you to yell at him for being a creep, to scream at him to get lost. He was prepared for you to push him away—hell, punch him in the face—and run as fast as you could.

But instead, your lips quivered, a broken sob following suit. With your head hung low, you fell into his embrace.

And Peter hugged you as tightly as he could.

He didn't say anything, didn't feel like it was needed. He simply held you close, rubbing circles over your back as he gently rocked you from side to side.

Crying it all out until you couldn't anymore was, most of the time, the best thing you could do at the moment.

So he let you.

Only when your sobs turned to sniffles to soft shaky breaths did you pull away. 

"Your shirt," you gasped shakily, bottom lip jutting out as your eyes began to water again. "Oh no, I'm sorry."

"Hey, it's okay," he reassured, squeezing your shoulders before reluctantly letting you go. "I wouldn't have offered you a hug if I minded."

"Thank you," you whispered. "I really needed that."

"No worries." He nodded with a small smile. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"It's just—" you sighed, wiping your face with the sleeves of your coat. "It's my first holiday alone so it's been kinda tough."

"Me too," he hummed, smiling sadly when you looked at him, a mixture of surprise and understanding crossing your face. "My parents have been gone since I was a kid, and I was left with my uncle and aunt. My uncle died a few years ago so all I had left was her but now she's…"

"I'm sorry," you softly said, your hand finding his.

You gave it a squeeze.

Peter squeezed back.

"I only had my parents growing up," you started, gesturing at the tombstone. "Didn't get to meet my grandparents, never really met many of my relatives because they're all halfway across the world, so now it's just me."

Peter didn't know what it was, exactly. Maybe it was the warmth of your hand still holding his and your kind eyes bearing no judgment or pity. Maybe it was the sheer comfort you provided, one that he still couldn't quite explain.

Either way, he found himself sharing what it had been like for him. Sure, he left out details to keep his deepest secret uncovered, and to come and think about it, it was mostly things connected to Aunt May. But Peter definitely spilled way too much to someone he barely even knew.

He did not regret it one bit.

"I promised to protect her and I—"

"I'm sure you gave it your all," you assured.

"Not enough to keep her alive," he scoffed, tone far more bitter than he intended to. He caught himself, shaking his head. "Sorry, sorry—"

"Never apologize for how you feel," you said firmly.

Peter nodded, his attention caught by your thumb that was absentmindedly running circles over the back of his hand. You'd been holding onto it as you listened to his story, and he found himself not minding it at all.

If anything, a part of him wanted you to never let go.

"But I get it," you breathed out. "The whole 'this is my fault' thing."

"Was it an accident?" he asked softly.

You nodded. "Car crash. Some drunk frat boys thought it was a good idea to test out how fast they could go in their new truck into an open road."

He frowned. "That's not your fault."

"It is," you insisted. "They wouldn't have been out on the road in the first place if they weren't coming to pick me up in the dead of the night." Shaking your head, you scoffed, "I wish I could say I was at a friend's house but they were coming to bail me out of jail."

Attempting to lighten up the mood, Peter softly bumped his shoulder with yours. "Am I in the midst of a troublemaker?"

That earned him a teary chuckle.

He took it as a win.

"Not quite," you sighed, your smile fading. "Got hung up with the wrong crowd. They kept teasing me that I was too much of a miss goody two shoes and that I should live a little."

"Peer pressure is one nasty thing."

"Yeah well, I still did it." You shrugged, anxiously gnawing on your bottom lip. "A group of us were walking home from a party and we passed by this random minimart on the way. My so-called friends thought it was a good idea to dare me to steal one thing from the store, to break my 'good girl' streak as they put it.

"They all gave me ultimatums, one of them was either I steal something or they'll tell the whole school that I was the real definition of 'The freaks in bed are always the quiet ones' so my loser reputation is no more. They said they can't hang around me anymore if I kept being the loser of the group. It was tough because they were all the friends I had."

Peter couldn't stop the surge of pure anger that ran through him. "They sound fucking horrible."

"Yeah, and I was stupid enough to go along with it." Shaking your head, you chuckled, tone void of humor. "It wasn't even the owner who saw me, it was some random white woman yelling bloody murder as if I was burning the goddamn place down. And the second my friends saw the security guards? Oh, they ran, left me there to fend for myself."

Peter unclenched his fist, settling to rub circles on your back instead.

"It was one candy," you choked back a sob, gesturing towards the tombstone. "But the punishment feels—"

Peter wrapped an arm around your shoulder, pulling you in for a side hug when you started crying again.

"And you know what hurts most?" you whimpered, fisting his jacket as you laid your head on his shoulder. "Knowing that the last memory they had of me was just filled with disappointment."

"I'm sure that's not true," he said softly, squeezing you close. "They loved you."

"I know they did I just—"

"Wish you could go back and change every decision you made?"

You lifted your head off his shoulder and looked at him, eyes glossy yet he saw the flicker of gratefulness in them.

Peter felt it in himself too, an appreciation to finding someone who could understand even the littlest bit of what he was going through.

"Yeah," you shakily breathed out, letting out a soft laugh as you wiped your nose. "God, what a way to celebrate the holidays, huh?"

He chuckled at that, nodding.

It was definitely something, crying your heart out, spilling all your trauma to a stranger in the dead of night at a graveyard.

But there was only one thought that stayed at the forefront of his mind.

Peter didn't feel so alone anymore.

"Yeah," he hummed, a shy smile playing on his lips. "But I'm glad I'm not alone."

Your whole face brightened, your fingers interlacing with his.

"Me too," you said, smiling. "We're going to be okay."

Peter felt some weight lift off his entire back at those simple words of reassurance.

"We're going to be okay."

Teasingly bumping his shoulder with yours, you hummed, "I'm Y/N, by the way."

You both laughed at the absurdity of it, getting to know each other's pain, regret, hurt and grief before even getting the chance to know a name.

"Peter," he sighed, squeezing your hand. "Peter Parker."

Later that night, he somehow gathered up the courage to ask if you wanted to get some hot cocoa with him. And when you said yes with that smile he'd grown to adore so much, Peter had an inkling that you wouldn't stay a stranger to him in the long run.

But for now, as you laid your head on his shoulder, your soft breaths visible in the cold air, tiny snowflakes on your lashes, face glowing underneath the moonlight, warmth and contentment bloomed in his chest.

Peter was smiling.

Genuine and pure, and perhaps a sign of a new beginning.

A stranger's comfort wasn't so bad, after all.

✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ♛ *.

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[loveyourownsmiilee]

Talking Buddie Language: Ep 6.13

Buddie nation how are we doing?!?! This episode really blew me and my expectations away. I loved it so much and I really think this was such a statement episode. They made a bold statement with their choices in both Buck and Eddie’s development and storylines going further, especially with Christopher. It was a fun and light episode to combat the previous few that have been on the darker side. I think this is my favorite episode to analyze thus far! So I’m just gonna get right into it.

Buck Can Do Math?

Before getting into the whole math aspect, I just want to say how good it was to see Buck and Eddie back to being partners and in sync once again. They walked in together. They moved so seamlessly at the same time, and it felt like no time has passed since the last time they worked together before Buck’s injury

I love how one of the running jokes throughout the show has been that Buck cannot do math. Eddie told him point blank back in 3.04 “You don’t know math.” So to actually see him do math so seamlessly in his head really made me happy to see!

B: How much did she drink?…So that’s a 100 mg. A woman her size should be having 14 mg. So she’s taken 7.13 more times than the daily allowance.

C: Did he just do math? In his head?

E: I think so.

B: Uh, was uh, was I right?

H: You are.

I love seeing his teams' reactions to him doing quick math in his head because everyone is confused about his new capabilities, including himself. One thing I would like to note is Eddie’s little confused moment because he knows Buck the best out of everyone there. So even he’s confused as to this new revelation that he didn’t know existed.

Chimney with Denny // Buck with Christopher

The reason I am including this specific part is because there was a deliberate choice to include a scene in which we have Chimney talking to his best friend's child about their fathers. It's interesting to see how Chim is literally just like any other uncle figure talking to someone he can consider to be a nephew of some sort. It was not paternal in any way because they had a talk about how complicated Chim's relationship was with his father. Denny connected to what Chim had to say but the difference in their interaction versus every interaction we have gotten with Buck and Christopher is massive. And it was conveniently just before we got that wholesome Buckley Diaz family scene too to really bring forth the differences between their relationships.

Buckley Diaz Family Does Math Together

I am still screaming and crying happy tears over this wholesome family moment. This season, the writers are really putting in the effort to solidify the three of them as a family unit of their own. They are sitting once again in Buck's kitchen doing the most mundane family task, which is snacking and helping their kid with their homework while they chat. It is such a difference to how Chim and Denny's interaction went a few moments before this scene.

I love Christopher testing out Buck's new skills while Buck happily indulges him. He seems so happy to inform his father that his Buck now knows everything, to which Buck quickly assures that it's not everything, just math. Eddie's fond little "yeah, yeah" is so typical in other shows and movies where one parent is getting all the cool points from their child and the other has to make peace with it. No heat there, just Eddie being his usual self when he's around his boys.

I love how while Buck and Chris were having their little fun, Eddie pulled a Buck and was the one researching Buck's new abilities. A lot of time, when two people are together for a while, whether it is romantically or platonically, they start adapting the other's little habits and tells. In this instance, Eddie had adopted Buck's knack for researching and he is relaying his findings to his boys in typical Buck fashion.

The conversation about math is something I really found interesting and I have rewatched it multiple times already to uncover that there may be an underlying meaning here that isn't just about math. When Buck tells Eddie that it turns out that he "loves math," Eddie goes on to relay his findings on lightning survivors and newfound cognitive abilities they had.

E: According to this, you can get new cognitive abilities after a serious injury to the central nervous system.

B: Which I uh, definitely had.

E: Hmm, but some doctors are saying it's not a real thing.

B: Uh, you think I've secretly known the square root of 162 all these years and just been holding out? No c'mon, it has to be the lightning.

E: Fair point.

This conversation really reminds me of the one Eddie and Ana had in 3.12 about the horses.

A: There's a lot to be said for getting back on the horse but there's also some value in learning that you don't like horses.

Now just follow me for a second. If you fall off a horse and decide to get back on it to give it another shot, that can be ok. But if you decide that maybe horses aren't your thing, then it's also ok to just never get on one again. In this instance, if Eddie dated women and it didnt go anywhere, it's ok for him to try again. But it is also alright if he decided that dating women isn't what he wants and moves on to dating people he does want.

The same goes for the math of it all. Buck states that he likes math now, but he didn't used to like math before. And when Eddie calls him out, he is quick to explain that he didn't know math until after the lightning hit him. So let's say that Buck has only dated women his entire life. Maybe he is now realizing that he can be into other's that he had never considered before. Maybe this is his way of realizing that he has other options in front of him that he didnt think he did before. It makes sense if you also consider Buck trying to reach out to each woman he's ever been with to see if his performance was alright later on in the episode. Because maybe now he doesn't want to focus on women, maybe he wants to focus on a man instead.

Before diving into more of their body language, I want to talk about a concept we learned in one of my behavioral analysis classes. Mirroring is typically when two partners have such a chemical connection that they’re so in sync with everything that they do. Such things can be finishing each others sentences, or knowing what the other is thinking, even walking, talking and behaving in very similar ways. Mirroring is usually found to be the case with people who are in long term romantic partnerships because it takes a lot of emotional understanding to achieve it. This is important because mirroring happens a lot with Buck and Eddie even though they’re not in a romantic relationship. It’s the fact that they are so deeply connected on an emotional level that allows them to mirror each other in different ways.

One form of mirroring is body chemistry as well. Take into consideration Eddie's body position throughout the entire family scene. Our bodies tend to immediately shift towards the direction of our other halves because they’re like magnets seeking each other out. When you are attracted to someone, your body senses it and craves to be close to it at all times. That's why when you love someone, your body is always turned towards them. It's not even something people are conscious about because our bodies tend to have a mind of their own at times, especially when it comes to chemistry. It’s something that is very prevalent in Buck and Eddie’s relationship because they always seem to turn towards the other at all times.

Eddie's entire body is turned towards Buck to the point where he kind of has his back towards his son. It’s also very open because he feels safe with Buck. He isn’t closed off or protecting himself. No, he’s just basically openly surrendering his body to Buck because he knows he will keep it safe at all times. Compare this moment to the one in Eddie’s own kitchen when he was breaking up with Ana. He had his arms folded in front of him, closing himself off to her. Such a massive difference between the two of them and the two of these idiots.

When Buck mentions liking the idea that he’s the guy who has the answers, he immediately looks at Eddie and then Christopher as if they’re the answers he’s been searching for all season long. Which if you think about it, they are the two people that make him the happiest and the most at ease. It’s ironic that Eddie is turned away from Buck when he says that so he completely misses the lovesick look on Buck’s face as he says it. Now this, in my opinion, directly foreshadows Buck realizing his feelings for Eddie soon. Just how he was venting to Eddie and Christopher in 6.01 about how the perfect options for interim captain were right under Bobby’s nose, well the perfect partner and kid are in front of Buck’s now. This moment indicates that Buck will come to find soon that the partner for him has been the one by his side for years now. That framing and the way his eyes are sparking tell it all.

Husband's Who Con Together, Stay Together

I am so so here for Buck and Eddie putting Buck's newly found abilities to the test and gaining something out of it. I thought it was hilarious how Eddie was the mastermind behind Buck conning their teammates out of their money by doing some math equations. This shows once again how close these two really are because they're counting their money together and in the end it is just that, their money. Because they're a team and whatever they win, they share. You can tell by the way Eddie takes the bills out of Buck's hands, counts it then hands them back to him. It's nice to see them attached at the hip once again considering how most of 6a they were often paired off with others.

We see another example of a mirroring when they are walking side-by-side with the same steps. Seeing them walking together and laughing together is so nice and it really shows us how when compared to their interactions with their other team members it is so different to what they have together. We watched Buck and Hen be close for most of 6a, they got drunk together and went out with Denny together. But when you compare their scenes and their friendship to the one Buck has with Eddie and Christopher, it is once again vastly different. Which is why it was so pertinent to have them establish those other bonds with the other members of the 118, so that when we saw them close again, we would be seeing how different their relationship is than with others'.

The Winner Takes All The Steaks

The Poker Scene™️ will forever go down in Buddie history as one of their most iconic moments ever. There is so much that happened in the span of a few minutes that I truly feel like I hallucinated this entire episode because of it.

I don’t know how Eddie convinced Buck that he should dress to impress, but he surely succeeded. They were both dressed the nicest we have ever seen them. I love how when it comes to these two, there’s such an unconditional trust formed between them that they don’t have to question each other. Buck simply put on his best suit, his nicest watch and went along simply because Eddie asked him to.

The fact that they were wearing red and blue makes me absolutely feral!! I’ve talked about the significance of the red and blue theory when it comes to couples so I’m just going to link it right here if anyone is interested. But the costume department surely made a choice putting these two in red and blue when they were on their own outside of work, doing something fun. Especially in an episode where all the other couples were off on their own doing coupley stuff together.

The LAFD poker game was so fun to watch especially knowing what Buck is coming back from. I love the idea that Eddie would have made these plans to bring Buck to this poker game to not only test out his new cognitive abilities, but so that he can have some fun. Eddie, more than anyone else, knows how Buck really feels about his recent brush with death. So him bringing Buck to this game, dressed to the nines can either be because he wanted to test out Buck's abilities or simply because he wanted Buck to enjoy himself. Either way, I love how much Eddie cares about Buck and his happiness and well-being.

I want to discuss a couple different moments and how they are with each other. When they first enter and Buck sees Captain Mehta and Chief Williams, he is clearly shocked because whatever he was anticipating was definitely not a poker game with other LAFD members. When Chief says, "Let's see if he survives tonight," I think it's important to note how Buck seems weary of his place at the table and he immediately diverts his attention to his safe person, Eddie. Eddie is simply smiling at him in reassurance and even does his little turtle face in a way to tell Buck, you got this, I believe in you, which then immediately causes Buck to smile. See, they have that effect on each other. A simple look and a soft smile that is reserved for each other is enough to make the other feel safe and loved.

The discussion about Buck's brush with death was clearly making Buck uncomfortable and it goes to show that just because he is back at work, doesn't mean he is magically over it. Him not being able to joke with the Chief and Mehta, when he was openly joking with Eddie and Chris at his loft indicates the lack of trust he has with them. He knows the Diaz boys and trusts them unconditionally. They're his safe space, his people and he can feel comfortable joking with them because he has also been honest with Eddie about his real feelings. It feels out of place to partake in the casual conversation of his death with people he barely knows. But Eddie, his person and support system is quick to correct Chiefl Williams when she mentions Buck being dead for 3 minutes.

W: So 3 minutes huh?

B: Uh what's that?

W: That's how long you were dead.

E: 3 minutes and 17 seconds.

Eddie does not want anyone to diminish the 17 seconds Buck was dead for because he had to live in a world without Buck for 3 minutes and 17 seconds. Like I mentioned in my last episode's meta, Eddie is clearly not over this traumatic event. The way his voice was so broken when he told Buck he died in 6.12 indicates that he is not fully over it himself. And one can't blame him because he lost his partner and co-parent for that amount of time. He grieved Buck like he would a spouse or longtime partner. So for Eddie, diminishing Buck's death to only 3 minutes does not do his grief any justice because he was gone for an addition 17 seconds that Eddie will not be forgetting about for a long time. It's also interesting to focus on Buck’s facial expression when Eddie looks at him and says that because he seems kind of stunned. Almost as if he had no idea that is how long he was gone for or that Eddie knew it down to the very second.

Eddie's heated looks throughout that entire scene were something completely out of this world. I mean they're his typical fond heart eyes, but there was a clear underlying layer of lust and attraction in his looks. He was looking at Buck proudly but also like his new math skills were doing things to Eddie.

I’m sure it was so wonderful to see Buck so confident and smug while he kept winning hand after hand. Once Eddie stopped playing, he comfortably stood behind Buck and supported him while he won. On one occasion, after Buck won a round, the camera pans to Eddie and he’s completely flustered. He’s smiling and ducks his head in a cute shy way one does when they’re flustered by a crush. Eddie isn’t fooling anyone. We all know what he is and at this point I don’t even think he’s trying to hide it.

Then we have the end of all the rounds where Buck has won big. When Chief asks him what he wants as his prize, I love that his immediate thought is to look at Eddie, his partner, before making a decision. This was such a bold and deliberate choice in having him do this because it signifies that these two are partners both on and off the field. Eddie was already looking at Buck before he turns around to him. You can see the actual change in Eddie’s facial expression the moment they make eye contact. His eyes are sparkling and his smile widens to his special Buck smile. It’s complete and pure love that’s translated on Eddie’s face. Simple as that. That’s a man in love and there’s no other explanation for that. Now whether his heart knows it and his mind still needs time to catch up, or he’s fully aware, we don’t know yet. But the eyes, they never ever lie and you can see the love shining from Eddie’s eyes.

All of this to win some steaks? Yeah you heard that. Eddie and his little puns weren’t lying when he said this was low steaks haha. I love how Buck is exasperated but Eddie is smug standing next to him. He even diverts to his usual love language of teasing when he tells the Chief Buck’s humor wasn’t affected by the lightning. Once again, their shared looks are so heated especially when Eddie’s looking at Buck when he’s not looking back. The Chief telling Eddie to leave his human calculator at the firehouse was hilarious because it was his idea to even bring Buck down to play poker and smoke everyone there. But Eddie’s a possessive and smug bastard so he got what he initially wanted and that was for his Buck to let loose and enjoy himself while he enjoyed watching him enjoy himself lol. I got to say, Eddie looking at Buck like this when he’s not looking back is making me feral. There’s heat there and he’s so smitten with Buck that it really shouldn’t be a secret to anyone who’s in their close vicinity. So if only Buck were to just turn around and really open his eyes, he’d have more answers to the questions he’s been looking for.

Jealous Eddie Makes a Return

I really don’t understand why Buck and Eddie were the only two that accompanied Hen with the call to the couple found in a compromising position but I’m not complaining. It was hilarious in my opinion and it brought with it a return of jealous Eddie!! Once again you see mirroring come to play when they are listening to the husband try to explain what happened during their sexy night. The way both their hands go up at the same time and how they tilt their heads clearly shows they are so in sync with one another.

When the husband brings up the statistics he read about how 80% of partners are not satisfied, we have Buck immediately use his newfound abilities to calculate all the women he has slept with. I love how Eddie immediately cuts him off. You can tell he did not want to hear about Buck's previous partners because he was exasperated but not in his usual fond way. The way he looks back at Hen and shakes his head is very much, "Can you believe he was about to talk about that in front of me?" Oh Eddie baby, that is not how best friends react when their best friend talks about previous partners. Nothing about Buck and Eddie is platonic as we all know and I love every time jealous Eddie makes a return because there is no other explanation that the fact that he is in love with Buck.

Buck and Christopher Bake Cookies

It is very important that the show tries to distinguish Buck and Christopher’s relationship separate to that of Eddie's if they want to audience to believe Buck can be the perfect partner to Eddie in all ways. We haven't gotten a Buck and Chris scene together in such a long time so it was nice to see them together without Eddie. And they weren't just doing anything. No they were doing such a domestic thing which was Buck making them dinner and then planning on baking cookies for Christopher's class. That is such a parental thing to do and I love that the show is trying to really highlight the difference in their relationship with each other verses what we saw earlier with Chimney and Denny.

B: So when I cook, I like to measure out all the ingredients. It uh makes me feel like an actual chef.

C: That makes me your sous chef.

B: Yes it does.

Now something about the wording of this really stands out to me. Sure they are talking about baking but like they also may be implying something else at the same time. @ktinastrikesback had a very good point and I have to agree with her. It almost sounds like if you were to take out the words chef, it can be Buck implying that sometimes he feels like an actual dad, and that makes Christopher like his son. That analogy fits in this scenario so I am sticking with it.

I also mentioned in another post how this scene with just the two of this is very important for the general audience so that they can start understanding the importance of Buck in not only Eddie’s life but Christopher’s as well. The way they tease each other and how Buck looks at Christopher so proudly and with so much unbridled love really does seem like a father and son to me. And now the whole storyline of the sperm donation makes sense because they’re going to try to distinguish the fact that biology does not make someone a parent as we saw with Denny and his biological father as well. Buck is just as much Christopher’s dad as Eddie even though he’s not biologically related to him. So I can’t wait to see how the rest of the season unfolds but I do believe this is where it is heading. To Buck becoming more intertwined with the Diaz family and eventually becoming a romantic partner to Eddie and another parent to Christopher.

Once again thank you to everyone who took the time to read this. I really think we’re on the way to Buddie going canon and I for one am very excited to see how the rest of the season plays out. We’re so close friends! If you’d like to be tagged when I post these weekly metas, please let me know here!

Thank you to the lovely @aa-lionheart for all the beautiful gifs 💜

#buddie #911 spoilers #evan buckley #eddie diaz #christopher diaz #the buckley diaz family #911 speculation #911 meta #buddie meta #buddie language meta #911 on fox

[pinkeoni]

The “Will Has Powers” Basics Post

I’ve realized recently that whenever I talk about Will having powers, I kind of just expect everyone to be on the same page as me, without really explaining much of what lead me to believe he has powers in the first place. I don't really have a good foundation to point to.

So that's what I want this post to be, not really too detailed but more of an introductory post. I'll explain the basics of my Will has powers theories, why I believe he has powers, and what kinds of powers I think he has. I'll be using evidence I've used in a lot of other posts while also keeping it simplistic and not trying to add anything too speculative or theoretical.

Evidence & Powers #1) Nancy's Dialogue and Time and Light Powers

I think one of the easiest pieces of evidence and my usual go-to is Nancy's dialogue in 4x07 when the teens are in the Upside Down. Nancy remarks that the Upside Down is stuck on the day that Will went missing, and then brings Will up again in regards to the lights. Both of her pieces of dialogue here implicates Will as the one who froze time and got the lights to work the way they do.

"The last entry is November 6, 1983. The day Will went missing. The day the gate opened."

"Will found a way. Will. He found a way to speak to Joyce through the lights."

(So I used to think it was "The day the gate opened. The day Will went missing." and not "The day Will went missing. The day the gate opened." but after rewatching the scene it is actually the former. My bad.)

Now obviously Nancy wouldn't know that Will is responsible nor do I think she has some kind of psychic intuition, but the writers would know and are writing her dialogue in a specific way that points toward Will in both instances. Bringing him up by name not one, not two but three times places emphasis on him specifically. I think that

El opening the gate had a part in this, but if it was her solely then I think Nancy's dialogue would read as "The last entry is November 6, 1983. The day El opened the gate." rather than trying to tie Will into it in the first place. Moreover, the gates that Vecna is opening with El's powers don't seem to be updating the Upside Down to modern times, Will is an important piece of the puzzle.

The light thing is something that I do think is solely Will, given that gate opening isn't brought up and Nancy brings Will up by name twice in the same line of dialogue.

The word "found" here is also interesting because it could have two meanings.

A) Will stumbled upon the lights ability

B) Will created the ability to communicate with lights

Had Nancy said "Will stumbled upon a way to talk to Joyce through the lights" it would suggest that the lights is a rule from the UD that has always been there. Nancy saying that Will created the ability to talk through lights wouldn't make sense for her to say because Nancy wouldn't have access to that information. "Found" is the perfect balance between the two— it makes sense given Nancy's access to information while allowing enough room to imply that Will had something to do with it.

Evidence & Powers #2) Will as an Artist and Creation Powers

If you created a tv character who had magic powers, but you couldn't reveal it until the final season, how do you pull it off without it feeling out of nowhere? How do you build up the reveal without completely giving it away.

Well, I would do it by attributing his powers with aspects of the character that has already been built up and that the audience has become familiar with.

It's established that Will is an artist from season one, and his art continues to be important to the plot it nearly every season.

In season one, Joyce is able to correctly identify that El is not because Will's drawings are much more advanced than El's stick figures.

In season two, Will uses drawings in order to help visualize his now memories and creates a map of the tunnels.

Not much in season three, but Will does use charcoal in one scene to demonstrate visually how the shadow particles work.

In season four, Will creates a painting for Mike that becomes an important moment in the season and sets in motion important events for the future (aka byler endgame)

I will admit that this piece of evidence by itself is not enough to convince an audience that Will has a supernatural link. Will is an artist -> Will has powers is a pretty far stretch. But I think that this combined with some of my other evidence could support what kind of powers I think he has, which I think is some from of creation ability. Will has powers because of xyz -> Will is also an artist -> Will has powers of creation is a better argument and what I'm trying to get at.

Without getting into all of the chunky theoretics here, I believe it's possible that Will may have the ability to create whole lifeforms and vast worlds, such as the Upside Down itself and the creatures inside.

Evidence & Powers #3) Will the Wise, Fire Powers & Prophetic Abilities

This goes along similarly with what I said about using Will's artistry to foreshadow his powers, or using another facet of Will's character to hint at powers without giving it away altogether. Although, I would say that this piece of evidence is probably a lot more obvious than the previous bullet.

"Will the Wise" is Will's Dungeon's & Dragons name, which comes up pretty frequently in the show. Will the Wise is confusingly labeled as both a wizard and a cleric, although both classes are magic-users within DnD.

Each member of the party has a DnD class and character, although Will's is the one that get's brought up the most. The name Will the Wise is referenced—

Episode one when Will is playing DnD

In a flashback later in season one

The episode title "Will the Wise" from season two

And in season three when we have our most obvious piece of powers foreshadowing, when Will dresses up in a Wizard costume

During this same scene, Will says that he has "seen into the future" which is why I suggest that he may have prophetic abilities. Vecna displays a similar ability when he shows Nancy the future in her vision.

It's also possible that Will may have some kind of fire abilities, based on one of Will the Wise's attacks being "fireball." (@reikunrei made a really great post recently proposing that Will's fire powers might extend to some of his other abilities rather than being purely a fire attack, but alas I cannot find it ((I am so sorry Wilbur)))

Evidence #4) Continued Connection With Vecna

Another reason why I suspect that Will may have powers comes from a series of questions:

Why is Will the first one taken to the Upside Down?

Why choose Will as the host of the Mind Flayer?

Why continue to have a connection with Will?

I think I could write-off the first two as incidental if the show didn't make it a point to continue this connection through seasons three and four, that along with Nancy's dialogue in season 4 discussed earlier. Could Will's disappearance have been a coincidence? Sure. Could Vecna have just needed Will to be a spy, and is completely disposable to him? It's possible. But if so, what is the narrative reasoning for maintaining this connection? Is it to just for the convenience of having Will as a beast sensor?

Something else that tips me off about Will's disappearance is the why it happens as well, which we aren't really told. We are told with Barb that the demogorgon is attracted to blood. Nancy and Jonathan later use this tactic to lure it to the house.

And yet with Will, we don't see any blood. In fact, they make a point to emphasize this when Hopper tells Joyce that there was no blood on his bike.

Evidence #5) Will's focus in season 5

Despite Will always being my favorite character and loving him so dearly, I didn't start seriously theorizing until I saw this tweet by Discussing Film, which came out shortly after vol. 2 was released.

I know that outside cast and crew comment shouldn’t be taken as gospel, as they have lied before for the sake of spoilers. Which is why I put this at the end, and why it’s not my only piece of evidence.

But still, it’s not like every comment is a lie, and even then, wouldn’t this be a wierd thing to lie about? And kinda cruel? Imagine saying “Oh, this gay character who hasn’t gotten a lot of screentime is going to be a focus.” only to say “Haha just kidding, he’s actually unimportant!” So I’m inclined to believe that they’re telling the truth.

So if this statement is true, then how could Will not have powers? How would you make a character the center of a show about the supernatural, if he has no tie to the supernatural at all?

#kinda posting at a weird time for me but whatever #had this in the drafts for long enough #will byers #will byers has powers #stranger things #byler #<- target audience #my theory