#i realize i could just ask ppl to stop but that makes me anxious and i dont really want to talk about gender stuff irl rn

[sorcerersseestars]

LIMERENCE (II)

Gojo Satoru x gn!reader

part i here

summary: Gojo is uncharacteristically insecure and unsure to the point of double guessing himself—something practically unheard of for the self-proclaimed Honored One. Meanwhile, the ever-feared blood-laden flowers make an unwelcome appearance.

word count: 6.7k

warnings: mentions of sickness and blood, descriptions of vomiting (caution to fellow ppl with emetophobia), characters are anxious and stressed!, cussing (obvs), use of (Y/N), kidnapping!

genre: hanahaki disease au, hurt/comfort, lowkey mystery?

a/n: Here is part 2 (finally lol)! It is a whole 6.7k words (😫) to make up for not updating until now haha. This chapter features serious!Gojo and worried!Gojo 😳. It seems out of character but it’s intentional (or so I claim). Also, I kinda make a pun out of Utahime’s name—hime (姫) means princess in Japanese! Two last notes: for clarification—I use italics to emphasize things, but also for characters’ thoughts. Geto is still alive (still excommunicated tho) in this timeline. More notes at the end of the chapter!

“Hey, ‘Hime, when’s your lunch break today?”

He hears a scoff that hardly conceals the crackly laugh that follows through his speakers. Her laugh is delicate and bright, even over the phone.

“Don’t call me that, Gojo. Never been into the princess thing.”

“We’ve been over this, it’s Satoru. And what should I call you then? Hime is perfect, it’s literally in your name.”

“I’ll call you Satoru if you call me by my real name: Utahime.”

“You’re so boringgg! Come on!” He whines, pretending to pout.

Utahime breathes in sharply at his words, “Satoru…you shouldn’t say things like that.”

Gojo stops walking. His brow creases in confusion: this is how he has always behaved, with obviously facetious and playful words. Even the people that claim they can’t stand him the most, like Shoko and Nanami, recognize when his words are intentionally over the top or ridiculous. Utahime also knows this: he has not concealed this aspect of his personality from her.

He can’t stop his next words from being spoken with a twinge of annoyance. “I was kidding, you know. Is something wrong?”

Utahime sighs, “No, no. Sorry, I’m just a bit stressed since the higher-ups asked for a meeting with me. Have no idea what it’s about…”

“They did? So, you’re not free for lunch? Please say you are…”

His words feel unnatural and stilted, but he brushes the feeling aside. He’s probably just nervous since it’s her, right?

“Yeah, I’m going to my meeting in a few, but I should be able to make it. Could you get the reservation for us?” Utahime asks, tone leaning on snippy.

“Mm, maybe. What’s the magic word?” He teases with a playful tone, trying to lighten her mood. This should work, it should make her feel better. He has experience with this.

“C’mon Gojo, not now,” She groans, apparently disgruntled. “But, fine, could you please make the reservation?”

He frowns. Not exactly the reaction he anticipated.

“Okay, but next time you gotta call me Satoru,” He says with a small awkward chuckle, this time easing up a bit on his teasing tone. “I’ll let you off the hook this time, though.”

“Sure,” She snorts, but not in the way that she would if she thought it was funny. It’s a sardonic snort, rather, and he would bet money that her eyes are rolling.

A loud click signals the end of conversation, but his phone remains pressed to his ear. He lowers it slowly, a strange feeling swirling in his chest. It’s an uneasy, heavy feeling from deep down, but he can’t discern what exactly it means.

“Why would I expect that to work?” He mutters to himself. “That’s so annoying, who would tolerate that?”

Suddenly, an image flashes under his eyelids, almost making him flinch at how intensely it conjures itself. A vivid apparition of you doubled over in laughter appears in his mind. It’s a memory, he realizes: you’re leaning on him as tears part from your eyes, unable to catch your breath due to how hard you’re laughing at one of his horrible, stupid jokes.

He remembers this moment well. You had been crying for real before—quietly sniffling, trying to hide it from him. He knew that you hated crying in front of others—trying to always appear strong, he knew this feeling well—so he started direct attention away from it with the corniest jokes he could make. That’s when your tears, first full of the hurt that he could clearly see in your crumpled expression, turned into ones of relief and joy. Your eyes had sparkled with some other emotion he couldn’t identify—something familiar, something that made him feel warm in the chest, but also made him feel so, so scared.

He never did figure out what it was. Or, rather, he has tried not to dwell on it. Every time it pops into his head, he pushes it down, the fear rising in him each time he comes closer to the answer.

Utahime never made him feel like that. That must be better. He never feels scared like that when he thinks of his feelings for her. That must be better, it has to be.

He enjoys talking to Utahime. He likes that he can get under her skin with little effort, likes how easily he can get a rise out of her: and most of the time, she’s amused by it, giggling and slapping his arm. He’s never scared with Utahime, but…why does something feel wrong?

His fingers, typing in his name for the reservation, pause and begin to tremble when he sees what he typed. He typed your name. His eyes widen beneath his blindfold—he’s grateful it helps to conceal his expression, even if nobody he knows is around. In truth, this is partly why he seldom removes it; he masks his true emotions more often than not. Not that anyone suspects it, though, too convinced by his saccharine smiles and forever jocular personality.

The blue horizontal line blinks in and out of existence as his fingers hover over his keyboard. Your name, though written in normal text, appears bolded to him: it sucks his attention away from anything else on his screen. He begins to break out in a sweat.

Sweating just from their name? How pathetic…

He shakes his head, frantically backspacing, trying to erase all traces of you from his mind. He’s been trying to do this for months, ever since he began to distance himself from you. There is a legitimate reason he has been giving you the cold shoulder, but it feels like an excuse to drive away this fear that grips him when he thinks of that warmth, that sparkle in your eyes.

Fuck. Now he can’t get that image of you out of his mind—his chest aches, his breathing comes quicker, but he does not know why.

He walks almost endlessly in the town he booked the restaurant in, in a pace-like fashion. His large stature and height make the brisk pace he walks at look absurdly hurried to passerbys: they stare at him unabashedly and he barely notices.

It’s only when he checks his phone that he realizes how much time has passed since he called Utahime. His reservation is soon: he will be late if he doesn’t start walking there now. Shit.

His breath comes heavy when he finally reaches the restaurant. It’s a casual yet nice ramen place—something familiar yet suitable for a lunch date. He’s wearing a baby blue button down shirt, nice slacks, and trades in his blindfold for heavily shaded sunglasses: also suitable for a lunch date.

A date. Yes, that’s what he’s on. A nice lunch date with a girl whom he kissed before the first date. A bit untraditional, not that he would be one to mind.

He approaches the hostess, about to ask for a table for two, but then he spots a familiar red ribbon perfectly adorning the dark strands of hair she always pulls back. She’s already here, sitting alone in the corner.

Gojo sighs. Fuck, ‘messed up again.

He hurriedly stumbles over to Utahime, probably looking a bit disheveled. She gives him a questioning glance at his appearance—Gojo laughs and immediately plasters on an easy smile.

“Hey,” He says nonchalantly, slowly lowering himself into the chair opposite her.

“Hey. You’re late,” She notes, but she doesn’t sound as bothered as he thought she would. “Did something happen? You look…like something happened.”

He goes along with it, sighing dramatically, “How’d you know? Yeah, Yaga was bothering me about some mission stuff. Dumb paperwork I’m supposed to do and whatever.”

She smiles, but it’s tight lipped, “Of course. But that doesn’t explain why you’re all sweaty.”

“I am?” He questions, feigning confusion, but his next words are partly true. “Ah, well, I realized I was gonna be late since he was pestering me so much. Guess I walked too fast.”

“Hmm,” Is all she says. She stirs the tea in front of her with a small spoon, expression blank as she does so.

Once he realizes she isn’t going to initiate talking further, he takes it upon himself, “How did the meeting go?”

She stops stirring. She sets down the spoon more harshly than she means to: it clangs loudly on the tea tray.

“I have some questions,” She says seriously.

“Questions? About what?” He asks.

Her dark, stormy eyes meet his. “…About you.”

He gulps, “Sure! What type of questions? You know, people ask me a lot of stuff. I’m sure I can handle anything.”

He winks at her, his usual smirk spreading across his face. Maybe if he jokes he can diffuse this god-awful tension. Not that it worked before, but he can try.

Utahime blinks slowly, exhaling deeply, as if attempting to calm herself down. He can see the fire in her eyes between blinks.

“How about that the higher-ups were asking me about my relation to you, when they believed you to only show interest in someone else?”

No. They can’t still believe that.

Terror strikes Gojo’s heart, electrifying his nerves, but he tries to play it off. He breathes out a chuckle and a few weak words, “That wasn’t a question.”

“For once in your life, be serious! We’ve only been dating for 3 weeks and I–” She inhales deeply. “I don’t think it’s a good sign that you’re intentionally avoiding answering me about this.”

“I’m not, I just don’t know what you’re talking about. Who did they even ask about? I can’t think of anyone they could say that about.” He’s lying through his teeth. Alarm bells are ringing through his head, and he dreads her answer.

She narrows her eyes, but seems convinced enough at his alleged cluelessness.

“They were asking about (Y/N). Asking about…your relationship with them. About how close you are. Asking if it’s changed.”

Gojo takes a sip from his glass, avoiding her eyes.“Well, did they say why? Seems awfully strange to ask you about it.”

She’s silent for a few seconds, mulling over her next words. They end up making Gojo bristle. “Satoru, you know I couldn’t tell you even if they did.”

His tone is abruptly serious. “The hell does that mean?”

She blinks at him slowly, with anger flashing in her dark eyes. “Gakuganji is very involved with them. If I told you, it would definitely get back to him. Who knows how he would punish me.”

"So you'd rather possibly endanger (Y/N)?" Gojo scoffs.

“Who said anything about danger?” Utahime says lowly, suspicion clear in her voice.

“Well, when the higher ups ask questions about my life, it usually isn’t just for fun,” Gojo says with a shrewd smile. “I don’t know what the hell they’re thinking so I can only assume the worst.”

“Does this really matter right now? (Y/N) is capable enough if it does turn out like that, and besides, I sorted it all out. Told them that your ‘relationship’ is fine and dandy and yada yada.”

Gojo sucks in a breath, nerves beginning to turn in his stomach. No. No! That’s not what I wanted…

Utahime doesn’t seem to notice his discomfort and continues, “You two have always been close…didn’t you have a thing for each other in high school? They have always had these eyes for you.”

Her tone is strange, gushing and gossipy yet also jealous.

“What?” Gojo says more loudly than intended as he takes in all of the information Utahime just casually dropped.

“You know, I even told them that you two were meant to be together,” She chuckles. “Funny how things work out—or, rather, don’t work out.”

Gojo’s stomach twists painfully at her insinuation—even though it shouldn’t. He likes Utahime, he’s with Utahime. Not with you. He’s not with you, he has never been with you.

“Gojo,” Utahime says suddenly. He blinks rapidly in surprise, eyes finally landing on hers. “Can we agree to be honest with each other?”

“Of course. What do you mean?” He says easily, nervously.

“That’s exactly what I mean,” She shakes her head. “You’re deflecting at every question I ask. You’re not as slick as you think you are.”

Gojo lets himself sigh this time.

He studies her expression. She’s beautiful, he has to admit. She’s beautiful, but she’s not you.

“Utahime…what is this all about?” He asks slowly.

“I should be asking you that,” She counters. “Why did you ask me out if you won’t actively participate in our relationship?”

“What do you mean? I’m here, aren’t I?” Gojo responds carefully.

“But you mind isn’t,” Utahime sighs. “You’re miles away, Satoru. You always are. When you’re with me, you’re not thinking of me, are you?”

The question is so accurate that it seems rhetorical to Gojo, to the point of him not responding for many moments before he realizes she is genuinely asking him.

It’s so true and yet he physically cannot bring himself to admit to it. “I mean, I think about the higher-ups and work related stuff a lot. I’m sorry I haven’t been that present on dates and stuff, but–”

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it, Gojo!” Utahime hisses out, tone bordering on venomous. “You’re always thinking about them. You make decisions thinking of them. I bet even when you kiss me, you think about them. Are you going to deny that?”

“Utahime…” He says softly, guilt constricting his vocal chords.

“I don’t understand you, Gojo. You asked me out and have taken me on fancy dates as if you want a committed relationship, but then your mind is always wandering away. I know that you still care for them, but then I heard from Shoko that you’ve been ignoring them for months. And then the fucking higher-ups ask me your relationship with them. Why would they ask me that and why would they even care? Something isn’t adding up. What’s really going on here?”

Gojo blinks in surprise at the depth of concern in her voice. It’s like she has already moved on from her jealousy towards you, and now is worried for you.

He must look surprised, because she adds on, “Just so you know, I’m not that sad. You’re kind of a shithead for doing this to me, but this wasn’t that serious for me. Obviously not for you, either.”

Gojo winces. Everything she has said so far has been true, but he wishes it wasn’t.

“Iori, I’m sorry. For everything. I didn’t even realize that…that I was doing that,” Gojo sighs. “And to answer your question—I didn’t want to tell anyone, but I think I owe it to you. I don’t know what’s going on either, and that’s what scares me. I have no idea what they want or what they’re plotting, but it can’t be anything good.”

Utahime sits there with a small smirk on her face. When he raises an eyebrow at her expression, she just chuckles and shakes her head. “You can’t even say their name. Just how much denial are you in?”

He can’t even answer. He just sits there, a hand brushing his cheeks in order the cover the warmth the rises at the mention of the depth of his denial concerning his feelings for you.

When she realizes he isn’t going to answer, Utahime rises out of her seat. “Well, I guess I can say I’m officially breaking up with you, not that you or I really care. Just…if you need help with this, just know I’m in your corner, yeah? Unless it’s something to do with Gakuganji, and in that case my hands would be tied. Otherwise, just ask. You know, I wasn’t joking when I said I rooted for you guys in high school. That’s a fact and I can’t deny it.

You should really figure this out—for their sake. It sounds like they’re not having the best time with it. And besides, as much as it pains me to say it, you owe it to yourself after fighting against whatever feelings you have had for them for so many years.”

He doesn’t interrupt her even once, instead quietly absorbing her advice. He fidgets at the mention of his feelings for you, still uncomfortable even at the thought of them. Still scared.

“Goodbye for now, Satoru. I hope you figure all this shit out. Have a nice lunch,” She says coldly as she readies her things. Her coldness stings a bit, but what else could he expect?

“Oh, one last thing,” Utahime pauses. “I’m surprised you didn’t ask me this, but I guess you’re too in over to head right now to think straight. I think I might know partly why they have taken an interest in (Y/N).”

Gojo’s gaze turns to her sharply, blue eyes bright with curiosity behind his shades. “Why? How do you know?”

“I think the higher-ups must have asked Yaga about them. I forgot until now, but they were asking me if I knew anything about (Y/N)‘s identity. And who would know better than anyone? Your nosey principal who digs deep on everyone,” She rolls her eyes, huffing out a small but humorless laugh. “Well, that should be it then. Bye, ex-boyfriend.”

She gives him one last look, then struts away with her head held high. He sincerely hopes she isn’t hurting too much, despite her very “okay with it” façade.

So it has to do with your identity? In Satoru’s view, you have somewhat of an average identity for a sorcerer. A grade one sorcerer who comes from a sorcerer family. You had not inherited your clan’s special innate technique, but you are still pretty strong regardless. There’s nothing unusual about your background, or at least to the best of his knowledge.

And yet this sickening feeling has begun to creep into his stomach, that feeling that something is horribly wrong. What he does not know is what he cannot control, and each heartbeat and breath of his feels tortured with the knowledge that you may not be safe.

Shoko won’t stop texting you, almost on the hour, despite your radio silence. It’s strange when you think about it—she has always hated texting, always grumbling that it’s going to give her carpal tunnel someday. And yet here she is, blowing up your phone with notifications.

You haven’t been to school in weeks, taking mission after mission instead. It’s very obvious that you’ve been avoiding Shoko and Gojo, but you won’t admit that.

The missions have been grueling and gruesome—your stomach turns when the curses you exorcised spring to mind. They were ghastly and frankly were some of the most mentally scarring curses you’ve encountered. So, you’ve decided to take a break.

You feel your skin crawl when you’re sitting at home doing nothing—the curses come to mind much more easily, and also thoughts of him—so you abandon being cozy for the sake of your mind. It’s cold outside, so cold that your breath greets you in a cloud with every puff of air you release. Winter has arrived, and it nips at your cheeks and numbs your extremities just to remind you.

You haven’t been coping well, and you know it. Avoiding thoughts of Gojo has not been working very well, even after physically avoiding him. You try to forget what you heard that day, but it won’t escape your mind no matter how much you distract yourself. You think of Utahime: her beauty, her quiet strength, of how she always seems so calm and collected and yet somehow always makes her voice heard. She has everything that you lack.

The skin of your face burns with envy when you think about her. And when you picture her with Gojo—her dark eyes looking into his pooling blue depths, her leaning forward and up to kiss him—your chest crumbles in on itself.

It hurts. Right now, everything surrounding Gojo Satoru hurts.

But today, you will change that. This will definitely help. You’ve taken yourself out of your apartment and straight into a place that has always lifted your spirits—the local florist.

You scour the aisles, wincing at the very romantic red roses and the bright yellow daffodils. But then something catches your eye: an array of festive bouquets.

You end up picking out a bouquet fit for the season: it features a string of cranberries, enveloped by branches of pine and pinecones, with a striped garland draped around it all. Despite all of your poisonous feelings inside, you crack a small smile at the sight.

You take it home, putting care into the beautiful and yet flowerless bouquet. You carefully mix the plant food into a vase full of cool water, cut the ends of the stems under running water, then submerge the bouquet.

It brings a sense of homeliness that you’ve been desperately missing ever since you’ve starting living on your own. It almost soothes the ache in your chest.

But, as always, reality swoops in to remind you that you cannot run from your feelings within. Within only minutes of arranging the new bouquet, you accidentally swipe at the vase. It crashes to the floor, the glass shattering everywhere, glinting beautifully as it spins through the air. The cranberries begin to bleed into the water, the impact too much for them to tolerate.

You bend down, slowly processing the collision. When you stare into the expanding pool of water, you see wild eyes brimming with pain. Brimming with heartache. It is then that you are painfully reminded what cranberries represent: a cure for heartache.

The irony is not lost on you. You begin to howl in laughter, and the voice that reverberates back to you sounds crazed.

Then, it begins. You abruptly stop breathing; you are choked, silenced, almost as if something is blocking your airway. And then your throat begins to convulse, an instinctual reaction to choking, and you have no choice but to obey your body. You stumble through the shards of glass and collapse at the foot of your toilet. You heave and heave—whatever is lodged in your throat is large, making it difficult and painful to retch up.

When you finally use enough force to hack up the offending object, you freeze at the sight in front of you. Vibrant hydrangeas the same color as his eyes float in a murky red cloud. Blue hydrangeas: a symbol of rejection and regret.

Your chest bursts in pain at the realization. You are in love with Gojo Satoru, and he doesn’t love you back.

You feel another bloom emerging from within. You shudder in fear, knowing that you have little time left. Once the flowers present themselves, death is almost always imminent.

You spend the next few hours by the toilet, conjuring a newer, more painful bouquet than the one that lays in shattered remains in your living room.

“You told them what?” Gojo exhales deeply, a sigh following his exasperated words. He pinches the bridge of his nose—a gesture uncharacteristic for someone as self-assured as him.

“That (Y/N) is important to you,” Yaga Masamichi states calmly. “Satoru, there is no reason to fret. Their intentions concerning this matter are pure.”

“Do you even hear yourself right now? The higher-ups intentions are anything but pure.”

“I can sense that you are agitated,” He observes, eyebrows beginning to furrow. “But you are blinded by your bias. They first and foremost protect our community. (Y/N) is of no threat to Jujutsu society, thus they should be in no danger.”

“You don’t understand,” Gojo shakes his head. He is clearly angry, but now his nerves are showing through more: his voice is uneven and his tone has an air of desperation. “The higher-ups are out to get them. I don’t have any answers for that, even though I’ve been searching for months. I’ve had to show indifference towards (Y/N) to convince them that there is nothing between us, and it was starting to work. Why did you tell them this without consulting me first?”

A frown etches Masamichi’s stony features. Behind his shaded glasses, his eyes rake over his former student, taking in his state. Gojo isn’t one to openly show fear or anxiety, yet his breathing is audibly shaky and his fingers twitch by his side.

“I see I have made a mistake,” Masamichi concedes. “But why are you so convinced the higher-ups have ill intentions toward them?”

Gojo begins to pace back and forth in front of Yaga’s desk—also very unlike him.

“They called me to meet them a few months ago, asking what my relationship with (Y/N) is. I brushed it off at first and basically told them to stop sticking their nose into my business, but then I started to notice something.”

Gojo pauses by a window. The light streams down onto his face, illuminating his rather uncommonly stoic portrait.

“They started assigning (Y/N) missions that were labeled as second or first grade, but actually turned out to be special grade. And it can’t be coincidental—the incident rate of this happening is much higher for (Y/N)’s assignments than any other person.”

“That does seem to be true,” Masamichi comments, thinking back to reports he’s reviewed.

“No, not seem,” Gojo snaps. “That is the reality of this situation. Ever since I realized that, I’ve acted coldly towards (Y/N), distancing myself as much as possible. And guess what? No more special grade missions. Less injuries. And—”

“Satoru!” Masamichi raises his voice, pulling Gojo out of his frantic spiel. He blinks in surprise; he didn’t even realize how much or how fast he has been speaking.

“I don’t know what they are thinking or planning, but stressing like this will not help the situation. This is our world; this is how they operate,” Masamichi says, leaning forward and resting his chin on steepled fingers. “We will find a way around this.”

“It shouldn’t be like this,” Gojo says, voice rumbling deep and low, dangerously quiet.

“They are resistant to change,” Masamichi counters. “We can’t directly influence their decisions.”

“Not if they can’t make them anymore,” Satoru snorts, a dark and bitter smirk curling his lips.

“That is completely out of the question,” Yaga says firmly in a warning tone.

“Their thinking is antiquated,” Gojo argues. “I think we need a complete refresh.”

“And yours is too radical and rash. No, Gojo. I will not even entertain your idea.” Yaga says with a note of finality.

“Won’t you let me have my fun?” Gojo sighs, exaggerating his disappointment. “You’re such a drag, old man.”

Yaga almost smiles. He’s back to his normal antics.

“So, there is nothing that you can think of that would cause the higher-ups to go after them like this? I know you looked into all of your students closely even before you became principal. You must know something.”

Yaga frowns. You were his student and, as Gojo claims, he did thoroughly look into your background. But—how can you truly be thorough when the information presented is so little?

“There was little to nothing on them,” Yaga says. “Even when I tried digging further, I didn’t find much. However…there are rumors that they have made a Binding Vow.”

“A Binding Vow?” Gojo echoes back. “That’s very vague. That can mean practically anything.”

“But it’s still interesting, is it not?” Yaga says with a wry smile. “If the higher-ups have heard, we can only assume that the Binding Vow is with another entity, not with themselves. Otherwise, why would they be interested? That is assuming this is true, of course.”

“Who did you hear this from?” Gojo asks. “Someone credible?”

“I’m not sure about their credibility. And you can’t really go out and interrogate them, even if you wanted to. If you did, there would be another expectation for your visit.”

Gojo grows suspicious from his obvious attempt at a non-answer, “Yaga, who?”

He sighs, “Geto Suguru.”

There’s silence. Then, Gojo cackles—it’s a bitter and sardonic laugh, slightly crazed as well—and shakes his head.

“Of course. Of course it was from him,” Gojo continues laughing, a hand covering his face this time. “Guess you’re right—there’s no avenue for conversation there. In that case, I’ve gotta go. See ya, old man.”

Yaga bristles at the nickname, but does not attempt chastise Gojo as he walks away without waiting for Yaga’s response. It simply doesn’t work, so why waste his breath?

Gojo walks out, digging his cell phone out of his pocket. He opens his text conversation with you, fingers twitching over the keyboard. But what would he even say? The last texts are all from you, scattered over a few weeks from literal months ago. He didn’t respond to any of them. He feels the need to contact you, but how would he even start that? ‘Hey, I know I’ve been ignoring you for months, but I heard that you might have told Geto that you made a Binding Vow and I think the higher-ups know about it.’

Nope. That’s not gonna work. He swipes the texting app out of existence, then locks his phone and puts it back in his pocket.

He leans back on the pillar, resting his head while he closes his eyes. Why does everything surrounding you have to be so complicated? Then, a series of hurried footsteps meets his ears, and he doesn’t need to open his eyes to know who it is. Gojo is ambushed by someone he hasn’t seen for a few days—your mutual friend, Shoko.

“I heard what happened from Utahime,” She says immediately.

Gojo exhales loudly, not even trying to conceal his annoyance, “Shoko, I really don’t have time for this right now.”

“No. Tell me what’s going on.” She says firmly, her tone hard.

“What? We broke up. What’s more to say?” Gojo says dismissively.

“No, Gojo. That’s not all there is. Things have been going on. She told me that she’s concerned for (Y/N) but wouldn’t tell me more. And it just so happens that I have been texting them just about every day for weeks and have heard nothing back. Tell me there’s ‘nothing more to say’ again! Because obviously something is going on.”

Gojo inhales sharply, his breath suspended at her words. He shifts his weight forward, finally leaning away from the pillar. Shoko takes notice of his surprise.

She sighs, deciding to clarify one detail, “They’ve still been taking missions so I assume that they’re fine…but they’ve never ghosted me like this. Even back then, when Geto…they didn’t…agh. Well, you know what I’m saying. I don’t know what they’re thinking.”

He only really gathered one thing from that. So you’re safe for now. Gojo recovers, his expression evening out into something more normal.

“Shoko, I don’t want to complicate things further,” Gojo sighs. “Too many people are already involved in this, ones I had no intention of involving. I’m sorry, but I don’t know if I should say anything.”

“You ass!” She shouts at him, making his eyes widen under his blindfold. Shoko never blows up like this—she’s always indifferent and sort of passive. “They’re my friend too, and I want to know what’s going on!”

“I don’t know what’s going on!” Gojo blurts out. Shoko blinks rapidly, shocked by the volume of his voice. He hates getting emotional like this, but he can’t help it when he’s so fucking worried. “I don’t know, Shoko. The higher-ups have been probing into my life, but this time– this time it’s about them, and I don’t know why they want to know. I don’t know what they’re looking for. I’m just praying every day that they stop, but then somebody else in our circle tells me that the higher-ups keep mentioning them. I don’t know what’s going on, but it can’t be good.”

She looks at him, finally noticing how…un-Gojo-like he looks and sounds. Worrying about others isn’t something that Gojo does, or at least not something he ever speaks about. He never has his brow creased like he does right now. He doesn’t bite his lip in worry, either, so why is he biting down so hard he’s almost pulling blood?

“Okay,” Shoko yields. “Okay. I believe you. I didn’t realize…I didn’t believe that you still cared so much.”

“You don’t even know,” He mutters under his breath, but Shoko still hears it. She acts like she doesn’t.

“Well, if you hear anything, tell me, okay?” Shoko asks him with a low exhale. “They’re really stressing me out.”

She pulls out a lighter and a cigarette, prepared to light up. The blinks, and the cigarette now lays on the ground, mysteriously absent from her grip.

“Fuck you,” She grumbles. “You know, that’s littering.”

She hates to say it, but her chest, heavy with worry, lightens a bit as his regular smirk spreads across his face. She feels a bit more hopeful as Gojo disappears in front of her, the wind from the teleportation blowing her hair and lab coat around furiously.

“If only you two weren’t idiots, this mess might have solved itself ages ago,” She chuckles to herself. “The densest people I know.”

Your lungs ache. You wheeze with each breath. You blink blearily, rubbing your eyes with one hand. You’ve been drifting in and out of sleep while you’ve been laying on the cold tile in your bathroom. The air is tinged with iron—the smell of your own blood curdles your stomach.

“What time is it?” You mutter to yourself, and jolt at the sound of your own voice. It’s raspy and weak; you almost don’t recognize it as being your own.

Your hands skate across the smooth tile as you try to locate your phone. When you finally do, you grab it and bring it close to your face. Your eyes, barely cracked open, ache at the bright light of your screen.

The time reads as 3:31 AM. You’ve really been here for that long? Under the time, a plethora of texts from Shoko appear. You groan and slam your phone back down on the ground, ignoring the guilt that rises from how long you’ve been flat out ignoring your friend.

I’m being just like Gojo. Your lips curl down at the realization.

You feel a wave of weakness wash over you, and you are forced to lay back down on the ground. You are half conscious, vision swimming half through dream and half through reality. You can barely think, barely process your own actions.

You feel cold metal in your hands, smooth glass under your fingers. You are tapping randomly, the light blinding you so much that you can’t open your eyes to see what exactly you’re doing.

All you hear is your own horrible breath. And then you hear a voice.

“(Y/N)? You called me?”

You blink blankly in confusion. Did you? You can only assume that you did.

“‘Guess so,” You try to say, but you can barely get it out with how sore your throat is. “Who…who is it?”

“What do you mean? You called me, silly.” They say with a small chuckle. “It’s like 3 am. Are you drunk or something?”

Why can’t you recognize their voice? Their voice sounds underwater to you. Your head is spinning so much and your ears begin to ring. Your feel yourself slipping from reality.

You hear yourself saying words, but you don’t remember thinking them.

“No…gonna pass out. Or die. Can’t tell.”

“What? (Y/N), what’s going on? Tell me where you are, I’ll come get you right now.”

You swear you know that voice. It’s deep and smooth, but filled with so much worry that you barely recognize it. He’s never sounded this scared before.

“Oh, you’re…you’re Satoru,” You wheeze out. “Why? Why you?”

You’re not making much sense, you don’t think. But you can’t, not with how far from reality you are right now.

You called him? It’s just too painful, too cruel a fate, that you accidentally called the man you’re in love with and who doesn’t love you back while you’re knocking on death’s door. You cough violently and choke on the bloody petals that rise to your throat. You wince in pain and struggle to breathe.

He is bordering on panic now, but he fights to keep it out of his voice. “It’s okay, (Y/N), just tell me where you are. You’re on a mission, r-right? I’ll come get you. Just hold on.”

Confusion floods your brain. A mission? Are you on a mission? Is that why the scent of blood is clogging your nose?

Your heart beat pounds in your head, faster and faster. It’s scary just how confused you are—how do you not know where you are?

“I don’t know,” You choke out. You didn’t even realize you were crying. “I don’t know where I am.”

“It’s okay, c-can you check your phone for me? It’ll tell you your location. Just open it and–” His breathing is fast. “And check in your maps. Please. Please (Y/N), I need you to do this for me. Then–then everything will be okay. Okay?”

“Okay,” You answer softly. “How do–”

You startle at the sound of a loud bang, your own gasp cutting off your words.

The door to your bathroom—that’s where you are—is knocked down, nearly missing your form where you lay on the tile.

Satoru is calling your name desperately, his voice louder with each repetition of your name. You can’t decipher any other words, but you know he’s shouting things, trying to get you to say something, to say anything so that he knows you’re okay.

A dark shape towers over you. You can’t make out who it is with your blurry vision and with how dark it is—but you are immediately intimidated by their large, broad frame.

“There you are,” They snarl. “I’ve been waiting a long time for this to happen. I’m surprised it didn’t happen sooner.”

You scramble to get up, grabbing your phone while you unsteadily rise on your shaky legs. You are an inch away from passing out and you fight the feeling with every ounce of your strength.

“Not looking too good, are we?” He says, tutting mockingly. “That’s perfect. Remember what we agreed on, my dear (Y/N)?”

You stare at him blankly, no recognition in your eyes.

“Silly me! Of course you don’t remember. That was intentional, you know. A good move on my part,” He chuckles, and it’s a soft sound that juxtaposes his words. “While you’re the one who has to suffer. Don’t blame me too much, though…this is all situational. It’s not like I ever disliked you or anything. It just has to be like this.”

You hear Satoru’s voice again, and this time it sounds dangerous, “Who the fuck is that?”

Anger runs through the man’s features, and he strikes the hand that carries your phone harshly. You yelp loudly both in surprise and in pain. Your phone clatters to the ground, instantly silenced. Probably broken beyond repair.

His words are chastising and almost playful, but he is furious. “You shouldn’t talk to him anymore, (Y/N). That’s not part of our agreement.”

Then he grabs hold of you and begins dragging you out of the room. You scream loudly, kicking and punching him as much as you can as you’re moved against your will. You are a strong sorcerer, but all of your cursed energy and strength has been sapped away by this horrible disease that afflicts you. You are powerless to stop this man.

There’s one thing you were mistaken about. With the crunch your phone made as it shattered against the ground, you assumed it was completely broken. That’s only partly true: the speakers were damaged, no sound coming out, but your phone actually survived. Your microphone continued to pick up every scream and cry you made as you were dragged against your will—kidnapped. He heard every whimper of pain and every plea of yours for the man to stop! and to let you go!

Even in this state, your heart would ache if you had heard the unadulterated fear that gripped his voice as he shouted and screamed for you through his phone.

Even if you didn’t recognize the man who manhandled you out of your apartment, Gojo Satoru has no doubts about who it was. It makes his blood boil thinking about it—he’s never going to forgive him for this, even if they used to be best friends.

a/n 2: Thank you so much for reading, it means a lot!! This got a bit out of my hands, I will admit…I ended up writing some details I hadn’t planned on (and a lot more lol) 😅 But I think it actually makes it more interesting!

TAGLIST: @certainduckanchor @kawaiivillainess98 @arehzhera @starrylibras @mandysfanfics @rain-and-a-nice-nap @csillana @sup-hoes-its-me @llliissuu @hawkdaddy1111 @unoriginalidea

@dcvilxswish @angel-kyo @eliz-lovesgojo @5268r @wooasecret @timetobegone @ceronnica @torusblindfold @mo0nforme @crookedlyaddictedone-blog @dasztasha

@soapysofi @qualitygiantshoepsychic

Some of these tags didn’t work, but I hope it still tags you…Lmk if I typed anything in wrong haha. 😌

#gojo satoru x reader #gojo x reader #gojo satoru x you #gojo behavior #jjk fanfic #gn!reader #Gojo is kinda smart but also an idiot at the same time #gojo hurt/comfort #hurt/comfort #angst

[stuffeddeer]

ddeeeEEER 😭 you have me clutching my chest dying from ur fluff good LORD

i'll be the first to ask for the rest of what you wrote post that shit NOW this is a threat/j

ouggggh ur dazai makes me want to squash him and blend him up and smash him into bits

butt anywho happy thanksgiving!!

-🩵

uefiuhseufh THANK YOU 🩵ANON!!!! i wrote these literally seconds after "pt1" but didn't wanna clog ppls feeds w thousands of kissing hcs um oops

PT1

(not necessary to read, just more silly ideas)

15!Dazai who, whether it's you who leans in first or him, gets so overwhelmed. The rush of emotions and warmth he's never been shown causes him to panic, which makes him push you away! (Quite harshly at that..) He doesn't mean to but omg Dazai is just SO not used to affection and comfort that the warm fluttery feeling in his chest makes him sick to his stomach. Processing these feelings makes him feel flustered and sheepish and AHH!!!!! It's too much!!! He'd avoid you so horribly after he's so stupid, ducking into other hallways or using his hands to physically cover his face (very obvious to poor you!!) all so he didn't have to acknowledge the fact that you made him feel different. It'd probably take Chuuya yelling at him for his stupidity for him to realize he really really likes you! And that feeling is actually good!!!

PM!Dazai who's cocky and knows exactly what he wants; He's the demon prodigy for a reason. This Dazai is an asshole who kisses you without warning - no "I'm interested in you" or slow lean in or anything - just cuts you off with a long kiss that takes your breath away before he moves back. He'll tease you for being "so in love with him, as many are," before waving his hand dismissively and leaving. Dazai is a total jerk so when you ask if this means he likes you, he denies it: just saying that he knew you liked him and thought he'd be generous and give you your first and last kiss with him. Dazai flaunts a pretty smile and leans suspiciously close as he says this before immediately leaving under the guise of some meeting he's definitely lying about. He'd start doing things to draw your attention to his lips after this just to mess with you - putting on chapstick and the like. PM!Dazai would love to see you get frustrated and annoyed with his antics but not do anything, knowing it'd only make it worse. grrr biting scratching clawing i need him gone

ADA!Dazai who's anxious. He's so totally in love with you and is overwhelmed by it all! His eyes sting and his throat turns dry, a sign that he feels like crying, but he just stands there at the sight of you. You 'd be the one to initiate it first, an anxious look on your face as you pull back to a ghostly white Dazai standing frigid. The thought of oh fuck, did I overstep? leads to you apologize profusely. Once he finally gets his breath back (you feeling downright horrible with every moment he's silent), Dazai practically hangs off of you, pathetically gripping onto your arm with both of his and holding you close. You ask if this means he likes you back but he still can't speak, just burying his head into the crook of your neck. Give him time, he's still working through everything!!!! It's been a long time since he has actually liked someone, especially so deeply, so it's hard for him to come to terms with it :( He just wants to be near you but he can't find the words to express that just yet. Being vulnerable is so scary!

Beast!Dazai who gets horrifically drunk. How else could he manage all of the things he has to go through? Just knowing he could never confide in Oda like he once has leads him to throwing back drink after drink... Until he ends up on your doorstep. He'd wanted to keep you at arms length, to stop you from following him down the dark road he was paving, but with a few too many drinks in him he found he didn't care. You let him in right away, more than happy to pour him a glass of water and let him crash on your couch for the night. Before you could even turn towards your kitchen, he pulled you in for a passionate kiss, full of love and need and every feeling he has felt for you across lifetimes. The kiss would last a minute or so before Dazai would pull away, hugging you tightly and making you promise him that you'd never leave him, even if he makes horrible decisions and drives everyone else away — you are his, remember? In every life.

#im projecting a lil bit in the ada one can u tell.. #THANK YOU FOR ASKING 🩵ANON #i also want to blend up dazai and drink him like a smoothie!!!! #happy thanksgiving to those who celebrate :) #🦌anon #🦌anon🩵 #🦌request #<kinda lol #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs x reader #bungo stray dogs x reader #bsd x reader #bsd scenarios #dazai osamu #dazai x reader #dazai osamu x reader #osamu dazai x reader #dazai x you #dazai fluff #dazai bsd #bsd imagines #bsd x gender neutral reader #bungo stray dogs fanfic #bungou stray dogs fanfic #bsd fluff #dazai imagines #soft dazai #dazai (stuffeddeer's version) #and its whipped ada aromantic dazai

[tumblasha]

why was i like that (tl;dr in tags)

today i clicked on sgc's ig profile and saw that they use they/them pronouns now. and it makes me want to cry.

bc even tho we Literally went to high school together-ish (they were 3yrs after me?) we had such different experiences.

i was a Girl who hung out with guys who didn't respect me, went out with a boyfriend who was nice to me, and was too shy / awkward / busy being that shy nerd stereotype [1] that i had no "deep friendship". you could ask anyone anything about me and they wouldn't know the answer! and i wouldn't know anything about them!! [2] bc we were a small class (169) and everyone in town was a mix of neighbor and cousin, i got my invites to parties and dances, but i overall felt like i was on autopilot. i don't remember my life until i was ~16 [3]!! why!!!

i think a lot about how dr uju anya had a whole husband and child but over time realized she was a lesbian. not to parasocialize too much with this academic weapon, but i feel like i also had this experience (to a much smaller / younger degree). and i feel so sad thinking about how i could've saved so much pain in high school if i had just known i wasn't wired to like guys like that [4].

and i remember lindie [5], someone who's ~30 now and has been with her now-husband since she was ~13. one day we had a good phone call (post-hs-graduation) and she told me that for literally everyone else she could possibly see romantically / sexually, she's a lesbian. but she and her husband have literally Grown Up together. her love for him is something that goes beyond platonic / romantic / sexual attraction. it's a life partnership in every sense of the term.

this phone conversation lit a lightbulb in my summer 2019 brain. i knew that this high school bf of mine could be a life partner. we started dating when i was 11 or 12 and !!! we both saw each other grow up (at least to some degree). but something in the pit of my stomach told me i couldn't live a lie like that. it wouldn't be fair to him for me to have this self-discovery and just .. continue as if it didn't happen?

and so when someone said that dr. uju's pre-lesbian marriage was "sad" bc she didn't know she was a lesbian, i got (in my head) defensive. bc "it's totally possible to be happy and ignore this part of yourself!" (it's not).

for the longest time i told myself that being bisexual was the easiest sexuality to have bc i knew i liked women and i could always just end up with a guy to make my family happy, if i had to, ya know? i got mentally defensive when ppl online said that "invisibility is not a privilege" and "biphobia is real" bc i was subconsciously using this label as a way to hide the fact that the mere thought of a life with a man made me anxious / nauseous / scared.

and boy did that fear kick into overdrive anytime i was around a guy. if he even smiled at me, i'd go a little silly. it didn't even matter if he was straight, bi, ace, gay, or anything, i'd just latch onto the fact that it was a Man talking to me and i couldn't stop thinking about them and any comment they made that made them seem bored / annoyed at me made me spiral about my self-worth. but if there was ever a case that i Thought they even Maybe had an interest in me, i'd get nauseous again. to this day i feel like i still put guys up on a pedestal so i just have ... no guy friends [6].

this novel is a silly way of saying the following things.

the label "lesbian" is a vibe rn

heartstopper is a painful show for me to watch

sorry if ur a guy i met before i turned 20 that i was weird around : ( /nbh

sgc looks so happy. they're out and they look so happy. why couldn't that be me.

why was i like that.

---

[1] i had a goofy jock bf tho so was it really so bad?

[2] and to a certain degree this continues today? i don't know how to hold a conversation, i don't know how to ask questions, i don't have good memory of the conversations i Do manage to hold, my #1 fear is playing the newlyweds game with literally anybody. i once described making friends as 'learning a person's scripts / common conversation topics' and the other person in the room just kinda said 'haha yeah...' and i continued to pset :skull:

[3] and 16-17 was my sad era where i cried basically any time my bf and i were alone together. that man was so patient w me lmao

[4] why do i always say no? why can't i just calm down? why is it weird to describe us as 'friends but we also make out'?

[5] one of the coolest ppl i know. (death + suicide mentioned in this footnote) she was the french teacher that replaced my old french teacher after she died, and lindie really suffered for us. bc it was a catholic school, she was forced to cover up her tattoos, and she had to wear longer clothes (admin always told her to cover up even when she was wearing Long Clothes). she went through so much (miscarriage, lost here sense of self, etc.) and was literally suicidal but she still showed up for us. one of my fav teachers and an inspiration to this day.

[6] except for the two dudes (that might be) reading this, y'all are cool and literally the best. afaik i've been Normal around y'all so yay! growth!!

#tl;dr: if it wasn't obvious i used to be a pick-me LMAO but now i'm better (nonbinary lesbian? that seems good for now) #/nbh = nobody here (tone tag) #this is a jumbled mess #pls don't feel pressured to read this #just hit that like button and keep scrolling wahfioejwa #dash rambles #coming out #sorta

[toinfinitywinning]

How it Began? As a kid, until something bad happens all you know is innocence. Bounce back. Resilience. Words and thoughts your growing mind can’t get its synapses matured yet. And by bad, I mean it rocks you. You’re crying. You’re asking why for the first time poor thing it’s forever; you’re confused. You cannot process the magnitude of the incident and sometimes may even require Counseling to help guide you through it…NVR goes away.

And then.

I mean it’s sad, Right? Being born isn’t your introduction “hey!” realization and rationality Day, it’s your Birth Day. Period. Everyone’s glad you’re here. But you’re not going to know anything for a Long time. Everyone’s with me. Hopefully, b/c I don’t know nothin’ ‘bout no babies. And Well, most people R glad you’ve come unless you’re..ok no not that rn.

BUT

First time you are hurt and are able to process and internalize that new feeling it’s like welcome to the jungle we got fun and games! And I remember that moment for me. It wasn’t when I smacked my head and got hit with bats and sliced my fingers open trying to whittle (Dad’s fault) to make a teepee which now I’m not sure should be a thing. Also tried to make a tornado bottle like those science fair ppl had. The ones that won. B/c they actually figured out how to puncture a hole in a plastic 2 liter top without stitches and having to explain what in the Hell you were doing (Heather u said you might be here so I know you’re with the gear Shift trauma rn)

For me until now it’s never been me physically hurt or incapable that’s defeating me—defeating—adjective : defeated—also adjective but untrue. This is different and I hate it b/c of that. I was born with vampire senses at least that’s what vampire diaries says. I feel everything so intensely that often it has trickled over to affecting me physically. I suppose a Good example is a panic attack but I’ve moved onto bigger things. I’ll be one of those ppl on ppl magazine whose ღ ended hearing bad News. This could get dark so I’ll Stop at bad News.

It’s funny -I have all this time. And most of the time I don’t enjoy the time but I’ve thought a lot of that time some about when I was a kid. Just free fallin’. Before I got the anxious bug again I was fine being serendipitous and sporadic. One time I put a Friends name in my calendar even tho I knew I knew the time. That stuff. So back to the carefree kid. Like, 8+ I have to clearest memories. I want to take a sec to say how sad that is!! There is no question that I was the kid with the most bandaids. There are pictures and I Love them. Pain didn’t really bother me. Not like this. And I’ve had a lot of very serious injuries and surgeries. Why can’t I be her?

It’s all about control.

Sometimes staying in a State of any negative, sad emotion or trying time becomes comfortable so it becomes routine. Safe. This can Go downhill quickly. But I promise something from my psych minor talks about this my sister would know. Anyways you gotta get out and can’t.

I was in this State Right before I got sick but I pulled myself out of that creepy Ass Edgar Allen poem pit and swing thing b/c I didn’t like it anymore. But this is a Choice promise. And there’s not statute of limitations on how Long it takes you or if you even get to make a Choice time which is already a Mountain.

I tend to be really open and candid. I would be a horrible Celebrity. First of all they’d only have pictures of me in sweatpants. But the openness isn’t for me or really anybody unless someone does see it and be seen. I never had that. And that’s no one’s fault. We didn’t have Smart phones which ironically give us cancer and often stupidity from the crap you read due to that algorithm. A few people reached out in my DM’s and on posts to just do this I guess and throw in a Basketball time to time.

I was stuck. And I had well…a very eye opening bad experience. I don’t think I’ll ever share that publicly. But I was terrified. Something came over me when I got to my car and it wasn’t a Voice it was a direction. To home. Safety. Familiar. Routine. I knew sooner than immediately that I was done. That’s it. There’s a pattern in this pattern. You see?

So all that is taken care of and now we will work on my eating Disorder. Anorexia, restrictive ED/exercise bulimia and body dysmorphia. You get it. Add this in with Addiction. Talk about stuck. All I can think of to compare it to is that scary book w/ a wizard and a whirlpool and IDEK how it ends but that was always enough for me to be done w/ that story. So, You’re bound to have one after losing 150 lbs over two and a half years and now can see your bones and muscles. Hey you’re confident again Good for you. This will not sustain. You lost weight probably all the wrong ways anyway but it worked. And you’re still in control. Things have changed and u know what to do to keep your skeleton up. One gust of wind or fainting and head stitches again having to hurry and tell your Apple Watch not to call the rescue’s and you’re an inch closer to hospitalization. Doin’ fine.

All I had Left was my eating Disorder to work on and I’d made so much progress. I’ll expand on this but you actually have to eat when you’re sick. I won’t thank COVID-19 for that tho. Sometimes u can follow all the rules and still get *BEEP, explicative!* sooner or later it would have risen. So that infamous Day I’d just finished my hour walk and like had been doing about to eat w/ my Parents. I remember it like it wasn’t a 26 month old toddler Day away. One sniff. Mom -please get COVID tested. I remember being annoyed. B/c I have taken all the precautions. Well so do a lot of people and things still happen OUT of our control. This became the problem. Two saddest things about that next few days is I made my Dad say Shit when I came up positive then gave it to my Mom. I cannot tell you the guilt I would be carrying had this been the other Way around.

I had lived my Addiction free Life and started to heal my ED rest of my Life. For 3 weeks. I felt so light. Felt so free. Brave and proud. More authentic. B/c being stuck and not being able to fix things yourself takes a lot of deleted Pride and bad bad bad experiences apparently. Wakey wakey. Why’s it gotta be that Way? At least it’s the Gentry way. I’d rather not keep that up.

Crushed. Pre healing I couldn’t Exercise for 2-4 hours daily. Wake up at 5 am still kinda dazed and do 100 push-up’s then 10lb weights, several sets. Not one thing from a video or trainer but i can see everything chiseled so gotta be doing something right. Then walk a mile and a half or 10000 steps before you even answer a call at work. All this to have your evening free. To see your ribs and sometimes ✔ the camera Cloud to make sure that 10 pound added weight doesn’t happen. Showering at lunch break. Oh it was a machine. And ppl knew. I’m very aware. I lean toward empathy as well.

I was very very sick. Different sick. And TBH as much of Hell this is and might forever be I’d rather this. Even a broken ღ that was your stupidity and blinders anyway. Although I cannot control this it’s not an intensity of emotion in those skinny Ass bones I can’t turn off anymore. Need size zero and xs. Ghastly. I can answer a question of would you rather in this Case. My ღ literally aches. It’s all of the omnipresent and then some. So intense and relentless. I could change my mind tomorrow. Right now.

This Pain is Physical. Not my fault. Wasn’t abused. Can’t control this either and I’d never wish it on all but one person but idk. I feel things that intensely. I’d be the X-Ray Report that says torn or damaged in about nine places after my ACL tear. The Report was an entire page LOL. That is not common I don’t think. Should’ve just said everything is bad take your 2nd of now Four ambulance trips with your Dad to the ER.

Let me be clear. This is very hard to put into words. It’s less I guess that I wouldn’t barter but sometimes you’re just like please give me that Pain instead, just for a while.

Right now I am comfortable in Pain. Isn’t that pathetic yet tragic? I meannn. Whole body Pain. It’s emotional too trust me but this it takes first. Imagine…the control freak. This is not acute. Feeling without Pain even temporarily is kinda scary and better word unsettling. You want to get better of course but your body has done such a 180 that it becomes what you’re worried about and what makes you nervous. It’s an evil Domino set mouse wheel. Let me also add that long-haul Covid and dysautonomia and pots all of them happened because my body had gotten so healthy again it went in overdrive to try to help me and then couldn’t stop. How nice. Kindly. I’ve learned things about my body and about what people can experience and I didn’t want to. I will never again scoff at someone for saying that they are debilitated because, they are in constant pain or too “tired”... They can’t be safely aware. I’m ashamed I ever thought that about people because there is no take a Tylenol and lay down. There is no taking a nap and you’ll wake up refreshed. That’s all bullshit at this point, and it hurts if you have to ever explain it because you can’t, like so many other things until it happens to you you don’t really know how you feel like a lot of things you can swear that you’ll react one way or the other but when something happens to your kid or someone you love (dare i say abortion as a topic) all the sudden it’s personal and you’re thinking something you never thought you would. Or not. The struggle is actually real.



There is a lot of trauma or some type of PTSD with being this sick for this long as well because you sit comfortably, you know exactly what’s going to happen. If then, then that some of which are terrifying I shake I can’t believe anyone has to deal with this and yet I’m not even one of the most serious cases if you can believe that. Then there’s the Gaslighting. Go to stone ridge and admit yourself for anxiety. NAH. Thankfully all of my docs have been first class with no doors blown off.

I want to say I’ve learned a lesson.. karma. I deserve this. I should’ve seen it coming. Let me be clear again. No one deserves this and yet we’re human and stuff still happens to good and bad people. losing control has been difficult, but I feel like I’ve learned so much about, literal heartache and pain that only someone who was going through the same thing can identify with. there aren’t words. I’m not trying to paint a picture of someone who is on oxygen and dying or taking chemo, but I think that you can hold sadness in several different ways without feeling guilty. you can own What you’re going through. it’s OK to be angry at God at anything and I’ve had to realize that and it’s taken a long time and I think I still am working on it because I think I’m over here. not famished. not taken hostage. not bombed. I have a bed to lay in when I feel bad. U can’t compare things like this and you shouldn’t anyway. I think in doing that it’s never productive anyway. I don’t like being helped which is ironic because I have some co dependencies still and yearning to stay close to what is familiar and home and safe I’ve had to put my or whatever aside and my confidence out the window because yes, you will gain weight not exercising that much but you literally can’t do things at first. I was using a cane to get to the bathroom. I would pant no exaggeration like a dog for at least an hour sometimes after walking 10 feet, ask my mom she was on the couch across from me and we’re both thinking what just happened. or you have to use spoons because you’re shaking so much. Don’t even try a fork w/ rice. or you’re so confused that you always have to have what I would say and interpreter at this point, and praise God that there r doctors surrounding me. I have needed so much help and I think part of accepting help is also allowing someone else to practice stewardship and I think somewhere possibly the Bible at some point you can’t continue to deny someone’s help because they have to have the experience of helping and we both know each feeling. Frankly need it sometimes there are things that not even Gentry will speak of that I’ve gone through but somehow I’m thinking wow Pooh bear was correct. I really am stronger than I seem and I thought that the last time I was in a bad place life is nuts except help, if you don’t have the hope or faith let your family hold it for you. It’s still there. You just can’t get it yet and I cringe to say it, but I have learned so much and whether I heal completely or not writing all this again is therapeutic one, but two when people can identify with someone else, it is a very intimate experience the kind of intensity I feel with everything. I tell people I don’t want to hear ‘you’re going to get better’ because you don’t know that. we can pray for it, but I’ve given prayer a hard time as I’m able to complain, not going to church routinely. Then again going to church is just the building. Sadly tru 4 2 many. a reflection of your yearning for community and a place of hope and routine. we know from the current state in this world that going in a church and coming back out there’s nothing Christian about it, but I’m thankful that I have been held. I’ve even asked. Dad has even had to hang onto me. I’ve been in a wheelchair. I’ve had a bed pan. things that would normally humiliate you. You get humbled immediately. You may have your arms and legs, but there will be times you will need to be pried off the floor, there will be times that your head stays on a cold marble kitchen counter for hours because you don’t have the strength to walk 20 steps to your bed. Covid sucks. it has ruined lives, marriages, people have gone bankrupt. People have died. Mistreated. People have had experiences much worse than mine, and they didn’t deserve it either even if they didn’t take precaution like I did which is part of why I was so frustrated with getting sick. and again i was at that point I had gotten healthy. So ofc, the more prone your body go into hyperdrive. Trying to heal you. and that’s still where I’m at.

[nouies]

helloooo, lou! 💙

i have seen how much hate the creators in this fandom get. and i have been feeling really anxious to post whatever i had in mind. but there is first time for everything, huh?! 🥶

it's so nice to change a whole recipe to match your friend's preferences. and cook for her. it's like not a lot of people do it anymore, respecting others' wishes and decisions. 🗣️

have you been to other concerts? 🧞‍♂️

actually, the miscommunication was my fault. i reread your last reply and realized that you said "rule out". i didn't know the meaning of this phrase until now, so i checked it out and now i know what you meant. but do people go hiking/biking/etc on dates? i would never... 🐳

english is not my first language as well, and a lot of times the language barrier leads to miscommunication. but your english is amazing and i think you are great with words. 🦋

louis is such an awesome person. his interests and visions are really wonderful. it's so good you both have so many things in common. 🌀

okay, i have a funny story. when 1d formed as a band, i was eleven years old. my classmates were obsessed with them. so i was like "i won't be like the other girls" and i was showing disinterest every time someone was talking about them (but at the same time i was secretly blasting more than this. the only reason i love that song that much, was because of niall and louis' solos). and i listened to their songs occasionally on the music tv channels (their singles). and for the time the band was still touring and making albums, i just didn't vibe with them, and even think about them. when zayn left the bad, i read it somewhere and that was all. but when the next year mind of mine came out, i fell in love with his voice. so, all in all, i would say zayn. i have been listening to his music for years and i just have really soft spot for him in my heart. 🫐

my questions for the day: what is your favorite tv series? can you share one fun fact about you? 🖌️

hope you have a lovely day,

- your secret valentine 🦕

p.s. don't let the last emoji betray your vison for me, because in fact i'm quite short.

hi valentine!! 💓

listen, don’t think of any of that yet. there are horrible ppl around but i still believe there are some good ones left. i understand feeling anxious, trust me that i always feel that way whenever i’m posting something new, but don’t let the haters win. their goal is to stop us from creating so if we do stop, they’ll win, and they don’t deserve to win. if you truly feel uncomfortable sharing anything, then it’s fine too. at the end of the day, creating something in the fandom is supposed to be fun and if you’re not having fun, then it loses its purpose.

anyway. yes, we’ve been best friends for almost 13 years so i just want her to be happy and comfortable. :) and she does the same for me, like every time i visit her house, she makes sure to buy me tacos from the stand i like.

last year i only went to see Aurora and to the fest where Niall performed, this year i’m going to see a mexican artist called Yuridia and in june i’m seeing Louis. 🤧 have you been to concerts lately or are you planning on going to one soon?

no worries!! tbh i sometimes use verbs that i’m not sure abt but i’m too lazy to google lol but it’s fine. idk if there are ppl who go hiking but i’ve seen ppl who go skating ???

omg you’re way younger than me lol 1d came out when i was starting uni lol but your story is very cute, and tbh it’s very understandable bc i feel like as teenagers we either want to fit in or we want to be unique. at the end, i’m happy that you found someone who resonated more with you. Zayn is a great artist and he seems like such a sweet soul, i want to squeeze his cheeks lol

my favourite tv series is mindhunter, and i’m still sad we got only two seasons of it :( i love jonathan groff so much. idk what could be a fun fact abt me… like, i’m just thinking abt facts but idk if they’re any fun 😭 had to ask for some help but you probably know how much i love fics, and i when i write for a fic fest, i read the rest of the fics (which i thought it was the norm but apparently it isn’t), so my fun fact is that i read every blff fic the day it was posted, maybe with the exception of the 100k one bc it took me three days but the rest of them i read them on each day they were published. and now my brain is fried hdjdhdjdhd

thank you, valentine! i hope your day is awesome as well. 🤗 (and i’m quite short as well so we’re twinning!) <3

#blvalentine #anonymous #answered

[troglobite]

alsdjfalskdfj

i got distracted in the last post

something i realized was

i get mad when ppl i care abt are hurting and don't let me help them, or don't tell me they're hurting, or don't ask me for help

and i'm realizing that bit is a trauma response

bc that's all that ppl typically want me for

so if i've FAILED to provide that

if i've failed to be the person they ask for help

something is wrong

and me getting sad and hurt and upset when THEY'RE feeling that way isn't great

so i get "angry"

i "scold" them lovingly into asking for help or something

i make silly jokes to try and help

but i get mad

when i'm not around them i'm mad

and it's. trauma.

bc if they don't even want me to use me for support or advice

then... i don't matter.

and i'm frustrated bc it's like.

the radio silence could be blamed on me. i pulled back, or i don't reach out in the right ways.

but relationships are a two-way fucking street.

i am trying to make contact

and getting NOTHING in response

i CAN'T know that anything's wrong IF THEY DON'T TELL ME

i don't KNOW to reach out in any other ways bc idk what would be considered overwhelming or invasive

bc historically NO ONE LIKES ME BUTTING INTO THEIR BUSINESS AND BEING TOO MUCH

and i just--

have to be honest

the other three who seem more likely to respond to my requests to hang out and play jackbox?

they're not my favorite people. we don't get along Great. it's fine, i CAN get along w them, bc i'm a functional fucking adult and i can get along w ppl even if we don't Mesh.

but i guess the point is that i was hoping to put that effort into people who i THOUGHT could be Complete, Fully Rounded Friends, not just ppl i have to Work At to get along with.

but they--the ppl i THOUGHT would be the Friends--aren't responding or engaging. lots of humoring me.

lots of lack of interest.

lots of not talking to me.

lots of me. not mattering.

i'm trying to.

fight against my instincts that say to just Stop talking in the discord entirely.

but it's really fucking hard to want to keep doing that when the responses are so fucking tepid.

y'know what gets the quickest responses?

sharing a tag yourself-type meme.

they love to tag themselves--

and say fucking nothing abt my own response.

and just say nothing else in general.

i'd like to just forget abt all of this and go to sleep.

but i have so little in my life.

so i feel like--

well both that it's impossible to forget abt this or just get over, bc it's kind of all i fucking have

but also it feels like i don't have a leg to stand on

one has incapacitating depression

the other is going through the worst grad program i've ever had the displeasure of hearing abt

the other is going through a program that's not that bad but some of the students are, and it's on the other side of the country

they're Busy. they're Anxious. they're Tired.

and i.

have nothing.

and the only thing i DO have

relies on them being present for it.

so i can't even do that at this point.

and my offer for lower stakes stuff just keeps getting ignored. "yeah maybe" is the only thing so far.

i'm just tired.

i'm tired of not mattering.

i'm tired of being an embarrassment and an annoyance.

i'm tired of being needy and lonely and pathetic.

i'm just tired.

i wanted a different life, too.

i didn't want to be here, like this, at this age. i had plans. and hopes and dreams. literal goals. that i was actively working towards.

and now i have nothing.

and i can't even talk to any of this purported friends abt it.

bc they have more important shit in their lives.

i don't factor in. i don't matter. and they don't have the capacity or space to be there for me.

i've tested the waters, previously, trying to talk abt stuff.

tepid responses, or nothing.

and when i say that trying to catch them in the discord is like spongebob stuck in rock bottom trying to catch the bus?

i mean it.

it's hard not to see it as deliberate when i send something and sit in the discord for 20 or 30 minutes, waiting for a response, then leaving

and as soon as i leave, they respond and have a whole conversation without me

and when i show up and try to join in

they disappear again

it's hard not to see that as them deliberately avoiding me

and idk what to make of it

and i shouldn't HAVE to MAKE anything of it

they should just FUCKING TALK TO ME

but i'm tired. i'm so tired and sad and pathetic and lonely and useless and i'm just fucking tired and sick of it.

i hate being reminded of times i felt better, or doing things that make me happy

it makes the crushing emptiness of everything else so much more painful to return to.

i hate this.

[victory-cookies]

y’know what’s sort been making me uncomf lately (well it’s always made me a little uncomf but it’s moreso now for gender reasons)? people addressing me as “miss [lastname]”. particularly my teachers. you see, my dad worked at the school i go to and while he doesn’t anymore, basically every teacher in the district knows him (and by extension, me). as a result of this, peoples’ go to nickname for me is miss [lastname], since they know my dad so well and know im his child, and like legit sometimes that is all i get called by a teacher, like they won’t even use my first name. now, i love being called just by my last name (nicknames like that are fun) but it’s the fucking fact that they always put “miss” in front of it... it’s already always felt a little demeaning, like i’m just a little kid, just my father’s daughter. and now especially... on days when im not really feeling Gender? it makes it even more uncomf

#like today i was just vibing and the school's old vp (who is an interesting fella let me tell you) was subbing #and he started to chat with me when i dropped into the learning commons #and he just kept saying miss [lastname] #and i was just so ugggghhhhh the whole time #i realize i could just ask ppl to stop but that makes me anxious and i dont really want to talk about gender stuff irl rn #idk #vent

[ruvatia]

Sorry if this is a bit much with everything going on, but could I request a scenario where the Paladins + Matt & Lotor have a black s/o and they’re scared abt everything that’s happening in their country and are sad that racial injustice is happening? I’ve been rlly worried the past few days, but if this is smth too uncomfy I understand ;w; Thank you 💖💖💖

This got really long, I apologize but I turned it into half-headcanons with just the main paladins-- i apologize for not doing all the characters you’ve mentioned, but I don’t think they would fit all in a single post anyways www

On another note I hope you and every other reader take good care of their mental health; it’s important to be aware of what’s going on but it’s also important to be in the right mindspace to be able to tackle everything that’s being shared. It’s pain that’s been boiling for a very long time and there is absolutely no shame in taking some downtime to recover before heading back into current issues.

SHIRO:

If you were saddened, Shiro would suggest that maybe you switch to something else; if there was something that he knows will distract you and temporarily have you be a little more at ease, he’d do that!

But also maybe add a little twist-- extra soft blankets (fresh out of the oven! Screw the bills you’re worth it), extra cheese on your favorite dish, whatever it is that can make your smile a little wider, bigger or brighter just let him know!

Would give you hugs if you asked, but usually Shiro pets your head and brushes your cheek for comfort

He also does this when he wants to ask something of you, but thats another story

Why the TV was still on was a mystery to you, you’d stopped listening a long time ago. Your partner besides you noticed, and you felt the hand around your shoulder tighten his grip a little, bringing you out of your thoughts.

“Hey, maybe we should watch something else?” he asked softly, brushing your cheek with his hand. “I can’t really listen to this anymore.”

“Yeah… Sure.” you replied, though it felt like an automated response more than your actual opinion.

“Okay, I’ll switch to that weird show Pidge recorded the other day, we agreed to watch it, right?” he replied, quickly grabbing the remote to change the program.

The first episode started playing, but the moment that it did, you felt cold as Shiro left your side.

“Where are you going?” you asked, your interlaced fingers the only thing keeping him close.

“Ah, I thought I’d make us something. We both kinda skipped dinner….”

He’d thought about putting something together that you’d like, maybe order dessert to surprise you but seeing the look on your face, leaving your side was the hardest thing to do right now.

So he gave in, and your both fell asleep until the doorbell rang with your delivery.

KEITH:

I have this headcanon that Keith isn’t very good with physical touch but after the end of voltron and after enough time of humanitarian relief, he learns how important it is for someone that’s in a specific state of mind

So the best he has to offer when his words fail is physical touch

Over your time together he’s learned what you need depending on your mood, and it helped him out lots when you were more vocal about it-- if anything he liked it when you asked for things that he could easily deliver, he’d do anything to see you smile

A hand came over your phone screen, Keith’s fingers lacing into yours and making you drop the device onto the crevices of the sofa.

“Why did you--”

“You’ve been staring at that thing for the past hour, biting at your nails.” he said in a worried tone. “That’s enough. We’re going to bed.”

“But it’s just--”

“We’re going to bed.” he repeated in a harsher tone, lifting you off your seat.

Keith sat down onto the bed first, pulling you into him. You both fell onto the bed, Keith quickly pulling the covers over your shoulders before his arms came around you.

“My alarm is my phone.”

“That’s nice, but we both know we have nothing to do tomorrow.” he replied right away, making you chuckle.

“Keith…” you called, your hands sneaking up to his face.

You brushed away some of his hair from his face as he gave you a complicated expression, unable to reflect the small smile you wore. He knew things were shit outside, that being apart from your family and other loved ones was a toll on both you and that lately negative thoughts have plagued you more often than not but Keith, despite his good intention was still somewhat of an awkward man.

“Thank you.”

He kissed you in reply and you both left it at that, glad that he had someone like you to meet him halfway.

LANCE:

Lots of hugs the moment he feels something is off with you

Will be a brat™ for the sole purpose of distracting you, bET

I feel like post-series Lance tries his best to be as observant as Allura and tries to understand others better-- but it didn't take a genius or incredible empath to know why your eyes looked like they were about to overflow at the sight of the news.

I’d like to think that Lance, with a big connected family is one of the paladins that very easily gets what you’re going through, wouldn’t be surprised he’s been called one or two things in his past either

That being said it doesn’t mean that he completely understands your personalized struggles with racial injustices that you encounter everyday; as another minority himself + coming from a culture and upbringing that might be different than yours, its a very different experience.

Memories flooded as the news anchor spoke about “lootings” and as you scrolled down your feed to see feeble attempts at sympathy from local peacekeepers. You sigh and retweet another thread, only to find something equally as shocking right after. You stopped commenting in quote retweets a while ago, you felt like you were constantly repeating that none of this was okay and that a reform was desperately needed. Rather than typing out your thoughts you typed out your name, address and email over and over again, signing one petition after the other.

Hearing sigh after sigh, Lance eventually put an arm around your shoulder. He startled you, but his soft voice made both your shoulders and your guard lower.

“Hey, do you want to make a midnight snack with me? I’m getting kinda hungry.”

“What about that new rule we were talking about? Not eating 4 hours before we went to bed?”

“Every diet has one or two cheat days, don’t they?” he replied, kissing one of your eyelids. “Come on, I’m sure your neck is sore from being like that for so long.”

In the end you both made some soul-food until a food-coma knocked you out until tomorrow. In the morning, you realized that Lance must’ve woken up in the middle of the night because you remember cuddling on the couch, and yet you’re waking up on the bed. Of course, still in his arms.

HUNK:

Having a sensible heart, I feel like both you and hunk would struggle a little about maintaining a healthy distance with current events.

Though overtime he would understand that keeping in touch with everything that’s going on is important, but not at the sake of burning out

His best bet, to him, to pull you out of a such a dark space is with comfort food

“Ok ppl feel like they want to eat a horse but they actually cant when they’re in that mind space Hunk, let’s make something sweet and small; something direct and straight to the point! Let’s add smiley faces on it!”

Your turned down the volume from the news, let your head fall backwards and brought up your forearm over your closed eyes. It felt warm and made it you realize that you had probably been staring very intensely at the screen as a wave of comfort hit your eyes the moment they were drowned in darkness. Letting out a deep breath, you stilled and let yourself bask in your thoughts until a familiar voice brought you back.

“Maybe a little bit more sugar? No, then it would be disbalanced. The base is already so sweet-- Ah, I have to take the cupcakes out or else they might get burned!”

You felt a smile grow on your lips, making you ignore the horrid news being broadcasted to turn to your partner that as usual, seemed to juggle ten thousand things to create a whole meal.

“What’s going on over here?” you asked, leaning over the counter to note that one of your favorite dishes was made and machines that were mostly used for baking had been brought out.

“Oh you know, just a little pick me up for my most favorite person ever.” he shrugged, but a smile soon came to his face. His hands were full but he leaned over, his lips meeting your cheek. “Things outside are a little dark, so I thought we could both use a little something nice.”

He turned on the machine after dropping a drop of dye to make it your favorite color and within a few minutes the icing was finished. Hunk scooped up a small amount on his finger and brought it to his lips and nod.

“Wanna taste?” he asked you, his finger dipping into the icing.

A mischievous grin spread on your features as you took his wrist and let his finger fall on your tongue, the sweetness quickly spreading through your mouth. The yellow paladin shivered as you let his digit hang in your mouth for longer than necessary, letting out a satisfied hum when you returned it to him.

“Tastes perfect.”

PIDGE:

She knew what could be fixed, she knew how to fix it but this meant she was also aware of how long such a transition would take

I think Pidge would be similar to Shiro: whatever she remembers that helps you be at ease, she would defect to that in hopes to maybe distract you for a while.

I don’t think Pidge is a very touchy person either, so if she reaches out to you _physically_ in worry, it’s a very clear sign she’s serious/anxious

I feel like she would reach out in other ways and then if she knew you were in a specific state of mind where touch was not useful, or if she just also wanted to try things out lol

As you watched the twisted information that was being shared on screen, another message caught your attention. Rather than a small red icon in the corner, a small window appeared in the middle of your computer screen.

<I found a way to modify notifications sent to another device.>

The video had stopped, every horrible gif about police brutality was paused and there was nothing else but the small window pidge had thrown onto your screen. You chuckled, and felt a pressure behind your working chair.

Another message popped up.

<You’ve been catching up with twitter for the past two hours. Surely you’re done now?>

A soft laugh came from you, making Pidge release a breath she didn’t know she was holding. You typed out an answer:

<Is it possible to be completely caught up with twitter? I follow like 500 accounts.>

<Okay, but half of them are just cat videos and the other half are just retweets of said videos.>

<Oh here I was thinking that this was an intervention to brighten my mood. We’re dragging each other’s follows now?>

<Oh please like you don’t want to be dragged, with that kind of follow list.>

<I can’t believe you’ve done this.>

You both laughed, before Pidge turned around and tapped your shoulder. She let her hand float in the air, yours coming to join it as a soon as your turned her way.

“Wanna take a nap?” she asked, letting her head fall onto your shoulder. “I had Chip make some hot chocolate, Hunk style.”

You squeezed her hand, putting your computer on sleep mode.

“Yeah, that sounds nice.”

#voltron writings #shiro x reader #takashi shirogane x reader #keith x reader #keith kogane x reader #lance x reader #lance mcclain x reader #hunk x reader #hunk garett x reader #pidge x reader #katie holt x reader #for context this was requested around june 2020 #its a year late and thata my fault wjdjan

[cunaeparker]

Ok now BLURB request lol I messed up last time😳 night time beach trip with peter maybe on a school trip to the beach and u sneak out together to just hang on the boardwalk and it’s fluffyyyy and maybe smut??

ofc bby!!! thanks for actually requesting smthn - most ppl don't lol - i appreciate it :)

***

im currently taking requests for those of you that don’t know, so feel free to send stuff in. this work is cheesy and cliche but i kind of like it and hope you guys do too !

MY MASTERLIST 

Word Count: 1.8k

Summary: its late, the beach looks weirdly inviting, and peter’s overly concerned for your wellbeing 

***

Blue Lips & Boardwalk Bliss

It started off simple enough.

You proposed something simple, and though there were some protests from the chaperones, the outcome was unanimous — the rest of the seniors wanted to do something fun on the last night of their senior trip.

Of course, given the situation two years ago in Europe, you weren't necessarily allowed to do anything explicitly outrageous because ever since the whole fiasco that threatened the classes' lives, Mr. Harrington and Mr. Dell were keeping close and weary tabs on everyone.

Everyone. At all times.

You couldn't go to the bathroom without a proclaimed 'potty partner,' and MJ nearly peed herself with laughter every time you grudgingly asked her to come along with you and stand outside the stall.

You understood why they were so anxious about you leaving, so it only made sense when they quickly prohibited you and some of your friends from leaving the hotel — a nice spot on the water at Cape Cod — and claimed that if another student died there would be too much paperwork.

Mr. Dell even went as far as to threaten witches if any of you even thought about leaving.

So, simply, you weren't allowed.

But of course, you didn't listen.

An act of rebellion would make the fun thing all the better.

Which is maybe why you found yourself walking on the splintered wood of the deserted boardwalk with Peter Parker a good three hours later.

The sun was long gone, and you could happily say you witnessed it going down — you snuck out a mere fifteen minutes ago at the time, and the orange and gold dowsing you and your accomplice and in warm light was stunning — but now, stars were strewn over the black sky, waves were crashing soundly onto the shore just metres away, and galaxies were prominent against the blackness.

Tones of purple and blue and other ethereal shades you couldn't put your finger on glowed in your eyes, and right then and there is when you realized something simple; you couldn't have been happier with your decision to sneak out.

It was a blessing in disguise, given Mr. Dell didn't assume your disappearances to be the work of witches.

You smiled to yourself at the thought, shoving your hands deeper into your hoodie pockets.

"Are you cold?"

The voice startled you, having forgot that Peter was there.

"No, not really," you replied, shaking your head. "I'm just thinking."

Peter hummed and kicked a small pebble. "Yeah. You're unusually quiet right now and it's scaring me."

You smirked. "It's scaring you?"

Peter nodded.

"Oh, come off it," you laughed, "I'm not scary."

Peter raised an eyebrow, eyes wandering over you. He frowned for a moment before reaching over to pluck a piece of pine straw from your hair, smirking when you rolled your eyes.

"You were the one time Flash called you incompetent," he pointed out, stopping his walking fully to pick out the pieces of sand and leaves in your knotted hair. It was knotted in the first place thanks to lounging on the beach before you went for a nighttime stroll, but you still couldn't help the small whine of protest that left your lips.

Peter shot you a look and shook his head, tugging on a particularly wound up piece of something that was wound around a thick strand.

"Need me to be more careful, princess?"

You scoffed. "You're the one who started picking at my hair like a monkey, my sweet prince."

Peter didn't reply and bit his lip, focusing on something he couldn't get out before backing up with an exhale and a small smirk.

"I'm done now." His voice was serious though his tone was amused. "I'm sorry for looking out for you."

"Reverse psych isn't going to work on me, Parker."

Peter had the audacity to look upset. "Darn."

You suppressed a snort and rolled your eyes, shoving your hands deeper into the front pocket of your — well, Peter's — blue Midtown hoodie. It was large on you, comfortable, and lined with fuzzy material. It was bright blue, your favourite colour, and if it wasn't so poorly insulated you would've loved it --- but the only thing you didn't like about it was its ability to keep you warm.

The cool sea breeze mixed with the night weather was a little frigid.

Little wisps of frosty breaths emitted from your lips and you wrapped your arms around yourself, shivering as you continued walking forward.

"You said you weren't cold," Peter said suddenly, brown eyes narrowing.

You opened your mouth to protest, ignoring how your pulse quickened slightly because he caught you in a lie, but you shut it when you couldn't come up with anything.

"I..." you trailed off, but your teeth chattered involuntarily. You nearly cursed.

Chuckling weakly and shrinking into the hoodie, you earned a sharper look from Peter that definitely did not help your case.

His eyebrows furrowed into an even deeper line and he ignored your pitiful laugh.

"You're cold, aren't you?"

It was a statement, not a question.

Then suddenly, Peter leaned forward towards you with stern eyes, halting your walking and gripping you by the shoulders. He peered into your face for a second, making you slightly uncomfortable with the close proximity he was doing it at, but you didn't say anything — or at least until his eyes widened and his grip became firmer, causing you to tense.

"Your lips are blue, Y/N!" His mouth fell open as if scandalized. "Your cheeks look blue too — is that even possible? Uh, here," he thrust forward his hand, shaking it and holding his palm open, "take my hand, it's super warm."

"Peter," you said with a small laugh, pushing his hand away. "I don't need that. I'm fine. Thanks, though, I really mean it."

You offered him another smile, but when your teeth chattered again Peter looked like he was going to cry.

"We need to get you something warm," Peter said with a frown, straightening and craning his neck around the boardwalk as if he was going to find a sign that said 'Al's Ski Gloves and Warming Packets, only $3.99!' in the dead of summer.

"Peter," you repeated, more sternly this time, grabbing his jaw and pulling him down to look at you. His eyes looked conflicted and worried and you wouldn't be lying if you said you found this a little dramatic, because Peter Parker seemed to have a flair for the overdramatics, but immediately, as soon as the thought crossed your mind, you felt bad. He had been through so much and he put so much blame on himself that it only made sense for him to feel like your feeling cold was his fault.

"I know you think that this is your fault," you continued, peering into his eyes and offering him a small smile, "but it's not. It's not."

Peter looked conflicted.

"Yeah, maybe..." he trailed off, going quiet only before blurting, "but if I didn't give you my shitty hoodie your lips wouldn't be the colour of fucking baby Loki —"

"What are you gonna do about my blue lips then?"

"What am I gonna do... uh, I don't know... you can put my hand on them or something? I'm always hot because of... y'know," Peter laughed sheepishly, "the thing —"

"Pete, please shut up."

Peter quieted and looked offended. "Shut up?"

"Shut up," you confirmed with a nod of your head. "Do you not get what I'm implying? 'Warm up my lips?'"

And for the first time in a while, Peter looked at a loss for words.

His mouth was parted and his brown eyes reflected the large galaxies. He looked confused, which made sense, and in response to that confusion he did the most Peter-like thing ever — run a hand through his chestnut curls dusted with sand, biting his lip in nervous habit.

It was so overwhelmingly him that you considered giving in to your offer.

It was Peter, your best friend, in all his quirky and nerdy yet loyal and heroic glory, confused yet worried and concerned for your health.

For you.

So, you decided to shut him up.

By putting your lips on his.

You held your breath, feeling your heart hammering one million miles per hour inside your chest, feeling nothing other than stupidity and anxiousness yet an overwhelming surge of realization — you had feelings for this boy and they went completely undisclosed until you chose to do something bold.

It wasn't like you to do something so ballsy, yet here you were, fluttering your eyes shut and giving in.

Surprisingly, Peter didn't yelp and jump away like you expected. Instead, he deepened the kiss.

He hummed into your mouth, making you shudder, swiping his tongue along your bottom lip in a way that wasn't fervent, but sensual. It was so overwhelmingly Peter that you couldn't help the small sigh that left your lips when your tongues intertwined.

Peter reached behind your head to bunch up your hair and press you closer to him, squeezing his eyes shut. You sighed into his touch, suppressing a smile when you felt him detach his lips from yours and start to press open-mouthed kisses to the column of your neck, breathing you in like he could never get enough — he thought you tasted like strawberries and vanilla, and your neck was that much better.

The lovely scent of your rose body spray invaded his nose and he inhaled deeply, pulling back for a moment to gaze at you.

Your lips were swollen and pink and your eyes were heavily-lidded, chest heaving and quick breaths leaving you mouth. You were breathing heavily like it was your last breath, and your hair was strewn across your face, contrasting against the bright night sky and reflecting in your glassy eyes — Peter felt a surge of love for you so strong it scared him.

He would never let anything happen to you.

And neither would you, you realized, as your tongues danced and bodies gave into each other, hands gripping hips in the large expanse of the night sky.

Waves pounded onto the sandy shore only metres away and it mixed well with the sound of your hitched breaths and small moans and shudders, reminding you that after all this time, Peter was your beach — always there, though sometimes hard to access, but always, always, wrapping you in his serene words and sweet nothings that fell away into the steady crashing of the waves.

Always.

***

TAGS:

peter parker taglist ➝ @galaxystern08​ @inhumanwithpowers​ @averyfosterthoughts​ @pparkeramorr

tom holland taglist ➝ @thenoddingbunny-blog​ @galaxystern08​ @coni-martina​ @inhumanwithpowers​ @averyfosterthoughts​ @softholand​

mutuals ! ➝ @quackeroos​ @parkersbliss​ @chaoticpete​ @cosmicholland​ @stardustom​ @mannien​ @my-patronus-is-mabel-pines​ @silteplaittais-toi​ @spideygirl2003​ @yoinkyourheart​ @darlintom​ @dreamofaprilsblog​ @the-crazy-fanfictionist​ @peterspideyy​ @stuckonspidey​ @eridanuswave​ @thirzaholland​ @t-holland2080​ @peachyparkerr​

#peter parker #peter parker one shot #peter parker oneshot #peter parker imagine #peter parker fan fic #peter parker fanfic #peter parker fluff #peter parker angst #peter parker smut #peter parker x reader #tom holland #tom holland one shot #tom holland one #tom holland imagine #tom holland fan fic #tom holland fanfic #tom holland fluff #tom holland angst #tom holland smut #tom holland x reader #tom holland blurb #peter parker blurb #spiderman #spider man #spiderman oneshot #spiderman angst #spiderman fluff #spiderman x reader #spiderman: homecoming #spiderman: far from home

[lizacstuff]

Bölüm 45 asks

Plus a few asks from 44, and one about the fragman for 46

Read more under the cut

Anonymous asked: I cannot believe that Ayse revived the "Kemal is Serkan's real father" theory but I think I'm down for it? At least now Kiraz has one decent grandparent and he seems like genuinely nice man. I've been wishing for him to have some scenes with Serkan because the way they set up this S2 plot, they could relate to one another and I was sad to see that he spent 5 years hiding instead

I'm down for this plot! See, now that I know they're doing the long-lost-father plot, it makes all the sense in the world why Serkan doesn't like Kemal and they didn't forge a relationship in the last five years. If they had, then finding out he's his dad would have been a lot less jarring and dramatic. Finding out now and then forging the relationship I think will be a bit more meaty story so it works for me.

To me this story works on a lot of levels, and makes sense with who Serkan is and his very strained relationship with Alptekin. It's like Alptekin sensed it, and resented Serkan his whole life. For those worried that Serkan will no longer have the last name Bolat, I'm not sure where that's coming from. Maybe I'm just not familiar with other cultures, but that is his name, Alptekin raised him, adults don't just up and change their name because of genetics. If you're adopted and you meet your bio dad as an adult, you don't change your name to your bio dad's.

Serkan's name is very much a part of his identity. Which is why this story has so much potential, because it could shake Serkan to his very core to find out who he thought he was, was wrong. He thought he was unlovable, most importantly maybe he'll finally realize there was more at play there and it wasn't at fault.

Anonymous asked: There were a couple things in the last episode that didn't sit well with me. 1. I can't believe Eda made Serkan sleep outside at night and didn't feel bad in the morning when she realized he got sick! 2. The way Seyfi announced Aydan and Kemal's secret relationship. It wasn't his secret to tell, though Aydan did deserve the way everyone reacted. So I got over that pretty quick. 3. Burak!!! He's not the one for Melo. She deserves better and if they end up together in the end, I'm gonna protest.

1. Unless you're going to put the same energy into not believing that Serkan had the gal to remove his bed on the floor as a way to maneuver himself into Eda's bed before she was ready, I really can't relate. It was done for comedy, my advice is to unclench and just giggle along.

2. Or you could look at it as being unfair of Aydan to burden Seyfi with that secret and require he lie to his other employer for five years. I mean I don't disagree that it wasn't his secret to tell, but Aydan had plenty of chances, and it was time for it to come out.

3. This one we are in 100% agreement about. MELO DESERVES BETTER. I will die on this hill.

Anonymous asked: Hi! Do you think Serkan actually believes in Kerem's abilities (he trusts Eda's faith in Kerem) or is this part of his plan to win Eda back? Either way I'm okay, just wondering what you think.

No, I do not think he gained a sudden belief in Kerem's abilities, but I do think he believes in Eda. And if Eda believes in Kerem then when push comes to shove that is enough for Serkan. Of course, he did it as part of his plan to win Eda back. Serkan is taking every opportunity to let Eda know that he respects her and believes in her and I think this was another example of that. There was also an aspect of him trying to win over another person in Eda's circle who was suspicious of him. The fewer people he has working against him, the better! He knows he has no shot with Burak or Ayfer, so this episode he worked on Melo and Kerem. But mostly it was him trying to make Eda's life easier, by smoothing over a personnel problem she was having, thus making working out of Art Life a more attractive option for her. All of those things in one!

Anonymous asked: What do you think about Eda and Piril's friendship? This episode really highlighted how close they've gotten.

Yes, they have gotten close, and I'm happy Eda has a friend, but at the same time I don't trust Piril. This is a woman who discarded Eda and embraced Selin when she was manipulating and abusing a brain-damaged Serkan.

Eda might be able to forget, but I can't. Also as a character she's just boring, rigid and humorless. One of my least favorites on screen.

That being said I do like the triad dynamic of Kiraz/Can, Serkan/Engin, and Eda/Piril, it was fun when they were calling each other at the same time.

Anonymous asked: Idk if they reached out to Maya just because she looked like Hande considering she had no acting experience, but this little girl is like the best casting I've seen. The chemistry with Hande and Kerem is amazing. She's so expressive. I am a Kiraz stan.

She's doing a fantastic job, precious thing! I have no idea how they found her, I know she was an instagram model, but the SCK casting director strikes again. This season doesn't work if we don't fall in love with Kiraz. Thankfully, we did!

Anonymous asked: Hi! Since it seems that we will have 13 episodes, do you think that Edser reconciliation/wedding will be left for the finale, 12-13 ep? Cause Ayse loves to drag and keep them apart.

I think the wedding might be closer to the end, but I think reconciliation will be a bit sooner than that.

However, I have to say that it's really not like they're apart.. is it? I mean this episode we had them living together, sort of casually planning their future together. Next episode we have them pretending to be married and ramping up the sexual tension to white-hot-sun levels, these are all good things. With episodes like this, I don't personally consider the show dragging it out.

In fandom I see a lot of peeps upset because Eda isn't getting immediately back with Serkan and I am feeling inpatient as well, do you think the writers are making a mistake keeping them apart?

Again, I guess my response to you is, by what definition was this episode "keeping them apart?"

Yes, they aren't having sex, but they are living together, working together, raising their daughter together, and I'm a-okay with having a couple of delicious episodes of that while they are still not fully back together romantically. Let's be real, they're still waking up in bed together, flirting, and having a romantic dinner together, so it's not like things aren't moving forward, they are. I'd advise putting aside your impatience, and just sit back, relax, and let the story take its course. There is no need to be anxious with this one. They are going to end up with their happily ever after together, but what we're seeing right now is delightful. It's them in family and domestic situations, them with their child. Most shippers only dream of getting to see this.

This sort of goes back to my stance on episodes 16-24, I know that was a frustrating time for a lot of fans because they were "broken up" but I've always said they may have been officially broken up, but they were in a committed relationship that entire time. And I enjoyed those episodes from that perspective, that tension of them being "apart" but still functioning as a unit and still being emotionally tied together underneath it all. There's kind of a similar situation here, they aren't officially back together, Eda is resisting him, but they are in a committed relationship and I don't understand what the need is to rush through this part? Enjoy the sexual tension of them living together, but not sleeping together. Enjoy the rom com romp of Serkan trying to get in her bed, and Eda taking steps to keep him out. Enjoy their daughter putting them in situations that force them into close proximity, and enjoy them falling into easy compatibility without even trying. Enjoy Serkan planning romantic dinners, and Eda enjoying it despite her every effort to protect her heart.

To me this is very good stuff, and spending this time being impatient and wanting what didn't happen yet, instead of enjoying what did happen is pretty much the recipe for unhappiness not just with this show, but life.

Anonymous asked: i feel like i've seen the exact same frustrations ppl have had with eda right now back around the 20s too after serkan told her about her parents' secret. it was like, now that he's told her the truth, she should automatically forgive him and get back together. same thing happening here, with him accepting his role as kiraz's father. it feels like the same impatience that's put on eda to just forgive him already bc everyone wants happy edser and she's in the way lol.. like girl needs time!

Agreed, and it makes me wonder if these folks have ever watched television before, lmao. Patience! There's a story unfolding and from the first 6 episodes it's clear they have a season long arc planned. All in due time.

Eda spent five years thinking that Serkan stopped loving her, and discarded her for work. The second time he used that excuse to break her heart. My goodness, it's more than okay if she needs a little time to adjust and learn how to trust him again. PLUS that means we get to watch him work on her, try to make inroads, romance her, forge a relationship with his daughter and earn Eda's trust back. What's bad in that?

What did you think of the fragman? It's kind of dumb and unrealistic that they have to dance for a school admission interview.

LMAO. Yes, yes it is, but my question to you is, sana ne?

I mean why do you care if the set up is dumb or not? Or if it's realistic? It's a device to get Serkan and Eda to pretend to be married before they're fully back together and an excuse for us to see Edser smash themselves together in a sensual tangle of limbs while they pretend to be unaffected, while both are being engulfed in USTy flames.

I'm not complaining, why are you?

Come on, this show is silly, it has been from day one, enjoy the fact that we are getting silly plots that force our couple into hilarious and hot situations, because Hande and Kerem are going to give us gold, I guarantee it and I'm going to smile through every second watching it.

xxxxxxxxxx

These asks are from episode 44, they came in and I didn't have time to answer before 45 aired:

Anonymous asked: Do you think there is a point when there are too many “parallels” and it becomes more like scenes are being recycled? Because I kinda felt that way in the last episode. Like she’s just tossing in as many things as she can from those first 11 episodes but I’ve already watched those and Id rather we focus more character progression. I feel like they regressed from those honest conversations last week and were back to being petty this week.

I guess my answer is... no, I don't think there have been too many parallels. Episode 44 was partly about truth bubbling to the surface, with the biggest truth being that Serkan has been in love with Eda every minute of every day since they parted. That is a very important thing for Eda to understand and know and they really can't move forward until she does, because she felt unloved and forgotten all those years. Most of the parallels were illustrating that by showing that he held on to their history, he remembered their history and he honored it. Okay by me.

Anonymous asked: There were some amazing dialogues in the episode. I have two that tie for top. One was when Kiraz said that Serkan was her wish (when blowing her birthday candles), and the other was when Serkan said Apollo was never going to give up on the woman he loves nor on the cherries! Oh my heart had feels both times. What were your favourite dialogues in the episode?

Oh man my head is in 45 now, but both of those examples of yours were great. I loved both of them.

The other than springs to mind is while fishing, Eda telling Serkan that he didn't need to be perfect for Kiraz to love him, he just had to be himself.

Swoon.

That's so important for Serkan to hear, because he doesn't think he's worthy of love as himself, so hearing that from Eda is impactful.

Anonymous asked: reading your ep review, i think a big reason some people are hanging on to hate the s2 plot no matter what are just bc they hate the writer. of course not everyone, but a lot of people will just hate on anything she writes out of spite, even if objectively the episode is very good. idk why that is or when ppl decided they hated her but it's not warranted at all imo. i can understand not liking the premise of this season, but after watching it so far there has been SUCH an improvement edser-wise.

People can like, dislike, love, hate anything they want. Consuming entertainment doesn't have to be a team sport. That being said, from what I've seen I'd agree with your assessment. Teams have formed (Anti-Ayse, Pro-Ayse, etc) and the former are too invested in hating everything she does, the former possibly too forgiving at times. That's their choice, but I have to say I feel bad for the anti brigade, this is a show they loved, and most of them are still watching, but they've completely sabotaged themselves from finding any joy in any of it and I think they're going to regret it once it's over.

Also season 2 is so much better than I thought it could be. I honestly thought there was no way to get back to the early quality, but it's here. The show is really watchable and fun this season, and it's a shame for those who've let their attitudes get so negative that they can't enjoy it.

Anonymous asked: Ok so I'm aware this would be highly uncharacteristic of a dizi - but if they know there's only 6 eps left, my dream would be no more big bad events and just spend it rebuilding EdSer as a couple and a family. Would that be too much to ask lol. They've jumped from one disaster to another. Since we're at the end & they have the luxury of knowing it, I just want to see them working through things as a real unit. They've dated for like 7 eps out of 45? Can we get that above 10 at least????

Congratulations! Because that's exactly what we've gotten so far in season 2. Once we got past the trauma of the 5 year time jump, all the drama has been internal to Eda and Serkan and their relationship. The whole season so far has been about rebuilding Edser as a couple and a family. And if you're watching without the tauntruming twitter teens in your ear, you'd realize we ARE watching them work through things as a real unit.

I'll say this until I'm blue in the face (apparently) just because they are not currently sexing each other up, does not mean they aren't emotionally doing all the things necessary to reach their full potential as a couple.

They are. It's happening. Enjoy it.

#Sen Çal Kapımı #sen cal kapimi #edser #sckask #sck 2x45 #sck 2x06 #sck episode discussion #edser discussion #asklizac

[thembo-for-anime]

hello!! can i request some hq ppl (preferably iwa nd yamaguchi but you can pick some others too!!) with a gender fluid friend? it can be platonic or romantic, i don’t mind :). their friend typically presents as masculine or androgynous but occasionally works ul the confidence to dress really feminine nd cute 🥺?

Genderfluid S/O with Iwaizumi and Yamaguchi

A/N: I wasn’t really sure how to go about this but I tried my best! I hope it’s what you wanted anon!!

Pairings: Iwaizumi x Reader and Yamaguchi x Reader

Word Count: 1.2k

Iwaizumi

You can feel Iwaizumi’s arm wrapped securely around your waist as you open your eyes, squinting them slightly from the bright tv screen. The two of you decided it would be a good idea to watch a movie while you waited to go on your date. What neither of you accounted for was how warm cuddling was going to be and how inviting a nap sounded. 

With your back pressed against his chest you strain to reach your phone, his hold not loosening in the slightest. Once you finally catch a corner to pull it back to you, Iwaizumi takes this opportunity to throw a leg over your form, further entrapping you in his embrace.

“Iwa we have a date today,” you say with a light laugh as you wiggle a bit in a faux escape.

“Mmm can’t we just stay here like this?” he asks as you continue your wiggling to face him. His eyes are droopy but intent on looking at you. The corners of his mouth twitch into a smile before he leans in and gives you a lazy kiss. You return it happily as one of your hands snake into his hair. He hums into the kiss as you rake his scalp with your fingernails.

Breaking away from him, he pouts causing you to kiss his nose. “As enticing as your offer sounds we already made reservations and I’d rather not pay the cancellation fee-”

“Yeah, yeah okay you win,” he concedes with a playful rolling of his eyes. “What time is it anyway?” he asks as you finally check your phone.

“Fuck!” you yell abruptly pushing yourself up at such a speed that it causes you to lose your balance and fall off the couch. You let out a small ow as Iwaizumi looks in confusion and shock. “Our reservations in forty minutes and it takes twenty minutes to get there,” you explain quickly as you scramble to get up from the floor.

His eyes widen as he realizes your time constraints. “Fuck.”

˜”*°•.˜”*°• . •°*”˜.•°*”˜ ˜”*°•.˜”*°• . •°*”˜.•°*”˜ ˜”*°•.˜”*°• . •°*”˜.•°*”˜ ˜”*°•.˜”*°• . •°*”˜.•°*”˜

The next twenty or so minutes consists of making the two of you look as presentable as possible. Iwa took a quick shower while you put on deodorant and sorted through your clothes. You decided on some well-fitting pants, a button up, and a light formal jacket. Leaving as many buttons undone as you could but somehow still managing to hold a “respectable” air about yourself. 

Two gold necklaces peaked through the unbuttoned shirt and a sturdy belt pulled the rest of the look together. Looking in the mirror you had to admit you looked good. Sure you also would’ve looked hot in the second option you had in mind, which was a gorgeous dress, but hey you’ll have plenty more dates to bust out that bad boy.

“Do you still have some of my stuff here from our-” Iwaizumi stops abruptly as he looks you up and down. “Shit, you look...babe you look really fuckin’ attractive.”

Heat settles on your cheeks as you smile at him. “Thank you bubs,” you say as he walks over to you and wraps his arms around your waist. He smiles at you mischievously as he leans in for a kiss. “Ah ah ah, no funny business mister, we’ve got to leave in about eight minutes,” you remind him, playfully putting your finger to his lips.

“Then I guess I have about eight minutes to do this,” he says before gently pulling your hand away and bringing you in for a heated kiss.

Yamaguchi

Knocking on the front door Yamaguchi waits until he hears your voice call out from inside. “Come on in, it’s unlocked!” You sounded a bit frazzled, he noticed as he opened the door to see you peeking your head out from your room. “Sorry! I’m running a bit late but you can come in if you want?” you ask as he follows to where your head disappeared behind.

“Okay,” he responds, “But you don’t have to worry about being late, it’s just the park.” He comes into your room to see you dressed in a long sleeve off-white shirt covered slighting by cute denim overalls decorated with strawberries and strawberry plants, painted on by your friend Bug for your birthday. (Yes it’s an author insert moment akdalf).

“I know but I still feel bad,” you respond as you plant yourself in front of your mirror, your focus directed back to your unfinished eyeliner. He looks to your bed wondering if it would be okay for him to sit but you seem to read his mind as you offer it up to him.

“I don’t know how you do that, I didn’t even say anything,” he says as he lays back on your bed.

“Yams, we’re both a bit socially anxious, I know you’d wonder that because I’d wonder that,” you say with a sweet smile. The same smile that made his heart melt at the sight of it, every time without fail. One that always made him feel okay no matter where he was or what he was doing. Whenever you smiled at him like that it felt like all of his anxieties just fall away. 

He rolls onto his side and uses his hand to prop up his face so that he could gaze lovingly at you. He watched your precise movements as you applied your eyeliner. 

You messed up a couple of times but were able to get both wings fairly even. Looking up you were about to ask Yamaguchi what he thought but he was already gazing at you. 

A nervous smile starts to pull at your lips, “Why’re you looking at me like that?” you ask, already feeling the burning of your ears in embarrassment.

“You’re so stunning,” he says unabashedly, causing your smile to widen even more.

“When did you become so smooth?” you ask as you shuffle to the edge of your bed, resting your arms on it and your head on your arms. Up close you could see his little blush that revealed his normal sheepish nature.

“Ha! Never,” he says genuinely surprised by your remark, “It’s just...everything is so much easier with you.” His red cheeks are now increasingly obvious as he fidgets with his hands.

“Tadashi, I- god I love you so much,” you whisper while looking up at him with the biggest heart eyes the boy has ever seen. Reaching a hand up, you pull him into a kiss catching him by surprise. It takes only a second for the shock to wear off before he’s kissing you back.

Breaking apart the two of you can’t help but smile. “We can… I mean if it’s any different to you, we can be a little late to our date can’t we?” Yamaguchi asks with a blushy smile.

You laugh a little before responding, “We can.”

“Thank god,” he says, pulling you in for another kiss.

#tadashi yamaguchi #yamaguchi imagine #yamaguchi x y/n #yamaguchi x reader #hq yamaguchi #yamaguchi tadashi #iwaizumi x reader #iwaizumi #hq iwaizumi #iwaizumi x y/n #iwaizumi headcanons #haikyū!! #haikyuu!! #bug's asks #gn!reader #haikyuu gender neutral reader

[leossmoonn]

Could I ask for a 🔮?

I'm really introverted and socially anxious irl, not so much on tumblr. I read a lot, usually fantasy. If I'm comfortable with somebody, I tend to be loud and I rant a lot, a lot of the times it's about a book or a movie, fiction. Very chaotic neutral. I'm that kid who talks about politics and just issues in the world in general a lot. I've been told that I give off kiwi/everybody talks vibes and I'm just bad at implementing them, whatever that means (blame my weird ass friends) I cuss a lot. My pronouns are she/her atm. I'm bi

As for the fandom, hp? Either era?

alrighty

marauder male ship - remus lupin

remus noticed u first in the library writing this huge essay for potions. he thought you were really pretty and immediately wanted to come up and introduce himself, but his doubtful thoughts got in the way. so he went to turn around but then his friends, ofc, pushed him your way. you didnt notice him at first bc you were so focused on your essay, so remus did a little awkward cough to get your attention and you looked up, expecting it to be one of your friends or the librarian, but you were very shocked to see prefect boy remus lupin standing next to your desk. he gave you a sweet, polite smile that got you sweating in second. he introduced himself, holding out his hand for you to shake, and as you tentatively held out your own hand, you began to introduce yourself only to stutter in your words. you apologized a lot but remus thought it was cute and reassured you you were doing nothing wrong. anyways, he ended up asking if he could study w you and you said yes, even tho you were like shaking and dying on the inside. the first 30 minutes were quiet and honestly, not awkward at all. you were thankful remus wasnt one of those ppl to try to do small talk. but he ended up asking you a question abt potions and ofc you answered, which ended up you having a whole rant about the potions textbook and how out of date it was. and while you were talking, remus found you so intelligent and interesting, and really cute too. and once you then looked at him shyly and apologized for taking up his time, he knew you were the person for him. you two were friends for a while before he asked you out. once he did, your relationship blossomed into something beautiful. you two took it slow, still hanging out like every day tho. you two usually study together, or when you become comfortable, you cuddle in his bed at night and you always end up talking about some muggle film youve seen, and it always interests remus. you two also share the same political views and its very fun arguing w other ppl bc you two are always right hehe. its couple bonding basically

golden trio female ship - luna lovegood

so luna is known as the weird girl but tbh shes a badass. anyways, you two first met when you were walking to your class. well more like running bc you were late, oops. and you bumped into luna, your books and papers flying everywhere. you apologized profusely and luna kept saying it was okay and she didnt mind. your apologizing only stopped when you looked into her clear, grey eyes and you were fr starstruck. like you swore she was the most beautiful girl you had ever seen lol. anyways you left in haste, very embarrassed. fast forward to lunch and youre sitting alone, not bc youre a loner but your friends just have a diff lunch than you (rip this happens to me all the time lol). buuut luna happens to have the same lunch as you and she sees you alone and since she has no one to sit by either, she goes up to you. youre very shocked bc like why the hell would a pretty girl sit w you? (lmfao i am so sorry. im not building your self eestem very high. itll get better one sec) so luna introduces herself and of course she has a beautiful voice and once again, you are starstruck. you two end up talking the whole time, luna doing the most talking but you dont mind bc she also has a lot of things to talk about. at the end if lunch, she ends up asking you out to hogsmeade and youre like 😟 “wh-what? why me?” and she just smiled and says “youre very beautiful and kind, and i’d like to get to know you and be your friend, if that’s alright” and ugh you’re trying to hide your smile so muuuch so you say yes hehe and next weekend you two hang out at hogmeade and have a fantastic time. you warm up to her fairly quickly and you think its bc of her warm, comforting energy and youre slowly falling for her hehe. you two often trade off topics pretty quickly and effortlessly. she loves hearing your opinions. she thinks youre so independent and individualistic, she loves it! you two also share a lot for the same books and loooove discussing bc sometimes your opinions clash and it always makes for a fun convo :) you two take your relationship slow too and honestly you two just kinda fall into a comfortable rhythm of being a couple without realizing it (meaning like you didnt really make if official until your first kiss and stuff). you two are the cutest couple at hogwarts and ppl really admire your relationship. luna helps you break out of your shell a little too and shes always so supportive. ah, youre a lucky girl hhee

sorry this is so long, i had a lot to say. i hope you liked it!

join my celebration!

#talia’s 1.4k celebration

[tsipasce]

Same Difference Ch.17

A/N: Here is your reward for enduring last week lmao. This one is a bit long, but cutting it up just didn't seem as gratifying so I hope you guys enjoy.

Also, thank you so much for all the kudos, comments and bookmarks on AO3 and FFN-- you guys are too kind :'). I'll try posting more regularly on Tumblr too if ppl wanna read it here. Let me know what y'all think~

There was darkness, then flickers of lights and the occasional overwhelming flow of noises before it ebbed to silence and darkness yet again. First, she felt she was on a hard surface like concrete, then cold metal, then something cushion-like… a bed? Her thoughts were incoherent, presenting more as disjointed words and feelings. Anger, regret, hurt, with a sprinkle of sadness on top. Her body was heavy, every limb feeling as though the blood had been replaced with lead. Her head lolled and she heard someone suddenly shift at her side, the bed dipping under the pressure of said someone leaning on it and over her but was too out of it to open her eyes. Acquiescing, she fell back into unconsciousness.

An indefinite amount of time passed while she was in the darkness before her senses began to return fully. She heard typing, now able to feel a presence nearby. She wanted to open her eyes, but the task seemed too daunting still, simply listening would have to be enough for now.

“I can stand watch for now, if you’d like.” One voice offered, softly.

“What I’d like is to be left alone.” The other replied curtly.

“I see. We’re going to leave in the next few hours, I’ll get everyone ready.”

“You do that.”

Well this guy sounds like a treat… Nanami thought, her sarcasm unsurprisingly returning before the rest of her senses and memories. There were footsteps and then a soft thud, like a door being carefully shut. A couple moments passed before she heard what sounded like a laptop being closed, then footsteps coming towards her, and then silence. She desperately wanted to wake up, but her body refused to cooperate, causing her eyes to flutter behind her eyelids as she struggled in vain to move. She could sense the presence hadn’t left and she felt anxious as to what might happen next before hearing a sigh. She felt a sheet being pulled up to cover her arms, where goosebumps had been forming from the draft in wherever she was.

“I’ll deal with you when I get back.” The voice said with a hint of annoyance, though it was betrayed by its gentle tone. Hearing footsteps growing fainter, a door opened and closed once more. The words themselves were threatening but the way they were spoken, she felt oddly comforted. Falling back into the darkness, she decided to cultivate her energy and try her luck at waking up again later.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Emerging from the darkness again, the pain began immediately. Her head throbbed and she reflexively tried to groan but found her mouth and throat painfully full. Instantly recognizing the feeling, panic set in, the only other thing she could perceive being the desperate need for it to stop. She grabbed the tube, disassembling and reassembling it outside her body. The large obstruction dropped unceremoniously to the floor and she coughed, glad to be rid of it.

“Don’t be so rough with the equipment.”

She rolled her head to the direction of the voice, a bright light hitting her eyes as she struggled to open them for the first time since… Damn. It all came rushing back to her at once, the voice no longer a mystery. Her vision focused and she found herself looking at Overhaul as he sat at her bedside. His mask was on as he stared at her blankly. She stared back for a beat, not knowing how to begin speaking about what brought them to this point. Deciding she should be fully awake and rested for that conversation, she mentally tabled it, opting for their usual banter instead.

“It’s still intact isn’t it?” She cleared her throat, massaging it as she continued, “How long was I out?”

“Three days.”

“THREE DAYS?” Her eyes shot wide, another coughing fit beginning as she raised her voice after not speaking for days.

“Yes, that’s what I said.” He grimaced, moving back a bit at her sudden outburst, “Cough in the other direction.”

“No surprise that your bedside manner could use some work.” She sighed as she adjusted to raise herself up, wincing as her sore muscles tried their best to comply. He promptly rose, putting a pillow behind her as she sat up, his expression blank yet attentive, “Thanks.”

He nodded as he took his seat again and the silence continued, painfully. It felt like their first meeting all over again, neither knowing how to broach the awkward topic. Looking back, Nanami was angry at how insufferably rude he could be but couldn’t ignore her own part in this. A pang of guilt sat heavily in her chest when she remembered how easily she let her emotions get the best of her; she hadn’t told someone off like that in ages. In her mind, it in no way absolved him, but to say it was all his fault would be a lie. In that moment of rage, she… What did I do anyway? She glanced down, now more confused than anything, her brows furrowing before looking at him.

“Let’s chat.”

He readjusted in his chair, leaning back as he crossed his legs and folded his arms across his chest, “Let’s.”

His body language oozed condescension as though she was about to be scolded like a child and she hated it, “Why’d you attack me. Again.”

His eyes narrowed, displeased with how she was beginning their talk,” That was going to be my question to you. I thought we had a deal.”

“What are you talking about? We did—we do—I did not attack you.” she defended. Nanami knew they were both wrong for getting so worked up, but she wouldn’t stoop that low over an argument. “I was wrong, we both were for getting so heated, but I wouldn’t just start throwing hands like that. So again, why did you attack me? I thought… I thought we got passed all that.”

His brow furrowed at the implication, his jaw clenching uncomfortably at the hurt in her voice, “We are. We’re far passed all of that.” He intoned with a level of sincerity that seemed foreign to him. Having spent the past three days chastising himself for putting her in this position, wishing the exchange could be taken back, it was difficult to sound detached. He’d been angry, but harming her had been something he’d put out of his mind some time ago, “I didn’t attack you either…”

They both shared a moment of sincere confusion. Overhaul hadn’t come out unscathed either, having to heal his own head injury as well as a cracked vertebra from the impact once he came to. “Then what the hell happened?” Nanami asked, speaking the question they were both wrestling with. She looked around the room for her bag at the same time Overhaul reached for his laptop.

“We should run tests.” They said in unison. He handed her her notebook from the bag and a pen as they began noting exactly what happened leading up to the explosion.  As she recalled the events, there were a number of theories that came to mind, as well as ideas on how to safely perform reenactments of what transpired, but she also remembered the argument beforehand. He was somehow even more quiet than usual, and she could tell his gears were turning that morning, but the hostility seemed so out of the blue. Putting down her pen, he glanced up at her, noticing the sound of her writing had stopped and she was staring down thoughtfully.

“Did you think of something?”

“…Yeah. I did. Why’d you pick a fight with me that day?”

He looked back down at his keyboard and continued typing, “I don’t know what you mean. That little tiff was a joint effort.”

“No, no, no. It may have ended up that way, but you blew up at me after an entire week of solid teamwork. I expect the snide comments and the general air of grumpiness, but that was different… What happened?” He made the mistake of making eye contact with her. She didn’t look angry, just hurt.

Taken aback, all he could manage was “… I don’t know.” He wasn’t sure how to respond to that “emotion” nor did he have any plans to discuss feelings. If he was being honest, he wasn’t even sure why he did it himself. Perhaps it was self-sabotage and he was pushing her away, but to accept that would mean acknowledging they had gotten close; that he had, at some point, made the subconscious decision to stop viewing her as a pawn or even just a colleague, and to indulge the need for far more than their formal arrangement. He wasn’t ready to come to terms with the possible loss of his objectivity when it came to whatever went on between them, but he knew he’d have to confront the undercurrents of their relationship at some point. Right now, they had discovered a possible breakthrough in their research and there was no room for delay. With a ghost of a plan in mind for how to move forward with Nanami, he decided it would be more logical to smooth things over in the immediate moment with Dr. Watanabe; separating the two identities giving him the illusion of control. He continued” But I do know it won’t happen again. That was…unprofessional. How is your head?”

She bit her lip and exhaled, seeing the switch flick in his eyes knowing the wall had been put back up. “It’s... it’s fine. Just a little—no, really sore.” She confirmed with herself, rubbing her hand over the source of the pain to find stiches. Why wouldn’t he just overhaul this? “So, you decided to fix this the old-fashioned way, huh? The stitchwork is impeccable, but why go through the trouble? You could have just—”

“I didn’t want to touch you.”

“… Ouch.” She winced, glancing away as the abrupt response hurt a bit more than she expected.

Realizing it hadn’t been received how he planned, he clarified,” I meant I…didn’t want to use it on you. I was under the impression we had somehow attacked each other and assumed you might not find the prospect of me handling you in that way all that appealing.”

“…Oh. Well, thank you... I don’t mind if you touch me now” he rose a brow at this, “—I mean like to heal or—Oh you know what I mean.” She rolled her eyes before crossing her arms and continuing, “Just… just do it, please.”  The last word tacked on with a mumble.

Letting out an amused breath, he rose, motioning her to turn so her back faced him as he removed his gloves. She quickly brushed her hair to the side, missing a few strands. She tensed as he was much closer than she was prepared for, feeling the warmth of his hands against the nape of her neck as he gently gathered the stray hairs and handed them to her to gather in front. Smoothing down the part, he leisurely ran his hands through her hair, losing himself for a second before noticing the tops of her ears had reddened and her breath had quickened at his ministrations. Refocusing, he disassembled the stitches before immediately healing the wound knowing even a millisecond of delay would prove very painful. “Done.”

Cracking her neck and rolling her shoulders, she felt normal again and ready to get out of bed as her muscles had been unused for the better part of three days. Checking the time on her phone on the nightstand she saw it was only 6 am, “So, you wanna go for a run?”

“That’s not funny.”

“Fine, fine. But on a serious note, I think we should head to the lab. I know the deal was 2 weeks bu—”

“You don’t have to bargain. Get cleaned up, I’ll start preparations for testing tomorrow.”

She turned to him, brows raised in surprise, “Well okay then. I’ll see you back at the house.”

“See you there.” He said before exiting her room, shutting the door softly.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

After a thorough scrubbing and stretching, she felt ready to get back to her remaining paperwork, putting on her favorite chunky turtleneck and sweatpants effectively pulling off the lazy-but-still-fashionable look. Brewing herself a cup of tea and pulling out her workbag, she thought it best to not dwell on all the Feels ™ that had continuously threatened to surface, which was undoubtedly exacerbated by their current living situation.

She was woman enough to admit she stared just a little too long, smiled just a bit too enthusiastically, and was way too excited by even the smallest bits of physical contact with him… But it’s just a crush. She lied to herself as though he hadn’t been the most intellectually stimulating person she’d had the pleasure of talking to. As though she’d ever felt silence more comfortable than their time in the lab or simply sharing meals together. As though— Girl if you don’t concentrate... She chastised herself before attempting to neatly compartmentalize her feelings, refusing to acknowledge just how much more difficult keeping them in check had become. It’s just because you’re all up under each other, it’ll pass.

Refocusing on the task at hand, she opened her laptop and pulled out a well-worn file folder, her gaze turning somber as her fingers traced the bend of it; evidence of the many nights she’d revisited it only to close it when the answers didn’t come. In the past month she’d taken on a patient who seemingly had nowhere to go. Many of her colleagues had turned him away, seemingly too jaded to go through the trouble of dealing with such a case. Nanami herself was puzzled when she reviewed his file, but she knew there was no other option; she had to at least try.

Kenta was a very jovial, large person with a personality to match. Built much like a strongman with tusks not unlike a walrus, he was hard to miss. Before he became her patient, she’d see him making small talk with the other patients, encouraging them though he himself was on the way to chemotherapy, his weight dwindling by the day. The previous doctors told him that he had osteosarcoma, a rare form of bone cancer. It was seemingly exacerbated by his quirk that gave him dense bones; they were perfect for diving, but apparently came at this very high price. The treatment had shown mild success, but her predecessors had decided his condition was becoming too advanced and an amputation was in order. After that visit, he attempted to keep his jovial nature, but his physical appearance continued to deteriorate, the medication and tests taking their toll. Full-hardy laughs were interrupted by coughing fits, round cheeks flexed into a habitual smile were replaced with gaunt hollows. Nanami couldn’t help but feel was cruel to be given such great power and still be unable to solve this problem.

She agonized, sincerely perplexed as to why someone as healthy and active as Kenta could have developed such an aggressive and rare form of cancer so quickly. It didn’t helped that after the first doctor’s diagnosis, the subsequent three doctors took little to no efforts to confirm said diagnosis, so she remained thoroughly unconvinced. She was a prodigy in her own right, but that alone couldn’t negate seniority. To go against the other doctors, she would need substantial proof of her theory—and also a theory to begin with.

Nanami was stirred from her thoughts by the sound of the silo being activated, as Overhaul stepped out. It had been hours since she had last gotten up as day turned into late night, too engrossed in her task. She glanced up for a moment, giving an absent-minded “hey” before returning to her work. It was unlike her to brush him off so quickly, and he assumed there were still hard feelings from earlier. Approaching her, he was about to speak before he caught a glimpse of her screen and notes, the file folder and its contents now haphazardly splayed on the coffee table, a few with drops of moisture on them.

“Didn’t I tell you no drinking in the living roo—” he stopped short, hearing a small sniffle escape her, before she attempted to cover it up by clearing her throat.

“Sorry, yeah, no drinking in the living room.” She laughed emptily, gathering the papers that were stained.

Seeing people cry was usually... uninspiring to him, to say the least; he couldn’t understand it, the need for such dramatic displays as an adult. But he found himself making exceptions more and more; she wasn’t one to throw herself on the floor in a tantrum—at least not seriously. Her tears were stifled, indignant, and his curiosity—yes, we’ll call it “curiosity”— got the better of him.

“What are you doing? Crying?”

“No!... Maybe.” She stubbornly corrected, further averting her gaze, hoping to use her hair as a curtain to obscure her face. Pausing for a beat, his attention turned to what he presumed was the source. He read over it as she attempted to fix her face. His brow furrowed, and Nanami turned back to see what he was doing. “Why do you care?”

“Osteosarcoma seems like an odd diagnosis for someone with his age and history.” He noted, choosing not to answer her question.

“That’s what I said!” she instinctually replied before remembering herself, “I mean quit snooping, this is patient-doctor information. It’s illegal to share.”

“Yet you brought it outside your office, to a yakuza base.” He deadpanned, pointing out the hypocrisy, taking a seat next to her on the couch. She pursed her lips, continuing to mull over theories, assuming he’d get bored and leave her be. “If not osteosarcoma, what do you think it could be?”

Knowing discretion was one of his strong suits, she decided to humor him. “I’m not sure. The tumor grew extremely fast and they began chemo almost immediately, so I didn’t get the benefit of a fresh diagnosis. He’d been perfectly healthy otherwise and his line of work kept him pretty active.”

“What’s his occupation?”

“He’s a commercial diver, it’s pretty fitting since his quirk gives him a lot of walrus-like qualities.”

“Sounds hazardous.”

“You’re one to talk. He’s practically made for it so drowning or being crushed under the pressure is near-impossible for him.”

“I was referring to all of the equipment. The fact that he’s kept all of his limbs up to this point is impressive.”

Slowly turning to him, a tired look on her face, she replied “… Your compliments are so very strange.”

Shrugging he continued, “It’s not that odd. The number of divers and sailors I’ve seen at port with mutilated legs is not small.”

Nanami was mid eye-roll when an epiphany struck her. Her eyes went wide, and she began frantically rummaging through the paperwork. "Shit-- wait, online!" grabbing her laptop, she began typing in a frenzy as Overhaul watched calmly. Finding Kenta's online records in the hospital database, she read a file from a month before his diagnosis stating he had been in a diving accident that severely fractured his leg where his tumor now was. She let out a shaky breath of excitement, "MO. It's fucking Myositis Ossificans! This explains why the 'tumor' grew so quickly. It's because it wasn't even really a tumor, just his body's response to a traumatic injury-- This is amazing!" 

He felt the corner of his mouth tug upward, as she practically wiggled in genuine excitement. “That diagnosis sounds much more appropriate.”

Facing him on the couch, she reflexively grabbed him by his shoulders, lost in excitement, before realizing what she was doing. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to just grab you like that,” she hurriedly removed her hands before he waved it off. “It’s just... I’ve been poring over this since I got this case but hadn’t thought to make that connection since he never mentioned the injury.” Thinking back for a moment, it dawned on her, “... how did you know to ask?”

 “What do you mean?”

“Don’t play dumb, it doesn’t suit you.”

Smiling, he rose, walking to the kitchen, “Would you like a cup?”

Very aware he was evading her question, she rolled her eyes smiling in kind “Sure. Of what?” She wrote down her final notes before putting away the files, tucking them and her laptop away as she waited for an answer.

Bringing over two cups of sake and the bottle, he sat next her with his own before sliding over her cup. She gave him a look and he sighed, “Consider it your reward for your work today. But don’t get used to it, my living room consumption rule still stands.”

She raised her hands in surrender, chuckling before taking a sip. “Oh! Let’s play a game.”

His brows furrowed as he continued to face forward still enjoying his drink,” Do I seem like a man who plays games?”

“Well, judging by the shogi board, I’d say yes.”

“… Just set the board.”

They sat in comfortable silence for a bit before starting the odd conversation, chatting and playing until they were on their fourth cup. Nanami was admittedly tipsy by this point and decided to ask something that had been on her mind for a while now with the aid of her liquid courage. If ever there was an opportunity, it was now, “Hey, why didn’t you ever become a doctor?” The question caught him off guard as he stopped drinking and peered off into the distance thoughtfully. His lips parting for a moment to speak before closing again to consider his answer.

“It would be difficult to treat people you can’t touch.”

“Hm… sounds like a copout. I wear gloves on the job at least 80% of the time and a lot of the non-surgical work that requires touching could easily be done by a nurse. So, what’s the real reason?”

“Well, you’re awfully bold tonight.”

“Eh, it’s your fault anyway,” she reminded him, toying with the sake glass. “So, are you gonna tell me or not?”

He considered her for a second before answering, “Win this game and I’ll tell you.”

“Easy.” She shot back before considering another outcome, “and what if I lose?”

He smiled easily, her stomach flipping as a glint of mischief was evident in his eyes, “Just try your best to win.”

Nanami was determined, or at least she convinced herself she was, not wanting to confront her curiosity at what he would do if she lost … or what he would do to me… Ok, let me put down this sake before I get a life sentence to horny jail. Recomposing herself a bit, she observed the board, stifling a smirk when she saw her path to victory. It was a moderately long game, but the outcome was in her favor as she took his king. Raising the piece betwixt her fingers, she smirked, “Now spill the beans.”

He stared into the proverbial abyss, slightly peeved at the loss, priding himself as a more-than proficient player before tonight. “Give me a moment.” He said casually raising a finger as he cleared his throat. Taking a measured sip from his cup before locking eyes with her, “I have a duty.” Nanami shot him an unsatisfactory look before he clarified, continuing, “Pops took me in when I had nothing to offer. This,” he began as he leered at his hands, recalling the destruction they regularly wrought, “is what I was meant to become in order to repay him. Bringing the yakuza back to their former glory and carrying on his legacy are my primary objectives. My time is limited since he’s not as young as he used to be. The years of schooling it would take to reap the benefits he deserves would prove much too long. Indulging in a dream like that is not in my nature, even if I did have the time. That is why.”

Her smile dulled as she processed his response. She wasn’t self-righteous enough to impose her own ideals on him, but it seemed like such a waste. His leading questions tonight were just one of many examples of his expertise. Even without the formal schooling he had a level of mastery that could easily earn him a degree, and coupled with his research skills, he could do a world of good. But instead here he was, content with just the opportunity to pay his debts. For someone so arrogant, he thought surprisingly little of his own nature.  Maybe someday someone could convince him he didn’t have to carry around this weight all the time. Still very tipsy, she responded,” Well, if it’s a dream of yours to begin with, your nature can’t be all that bad now can it?” At this he knitted his brows, trying to accept the possibility. Seeing his hesitation, she continued, “You can do both, you know. Give yourself some more credit, bird brain.” She slurred the last insult, finishing her sake off with a gulp, not wanting to sound too soft. Feeling the consequences of her actions, she swayed sleepily in her seat before closing her eyes.

The next thing she knew, she felt herself being nudged awake, “Come on, get up. You need to get into bed.”

“But it’s sooo comfy here. Why are you being such a buzzkill, Kai?” she whined as he grasped her forearms, encouraging her to rise from her seat.

Stopping in his tracks, he asked a bit taken aback, “Where did you hear that name?”

“Your Poppy Pops told me” She almost sang, a grin plastered on her face.

“…Do not ever use the phrase ‘Poppy Pops’ again. Also, if couches were meant for sleeping, beds wouldn’t exist.” He responded irritated, though he handled her like porcelain, still remembering how unpleasant the last three days had been. Guiding Nanami to her room, he finally got her to lay down after tuning out a slew of other ridiculous nickname proposals, the drowsiness setting in as soon as her head hit the pillow. Knowing it would be too much work convincing a now drunk Nanami to get under the covers, he begrudgingly put a spare blanket over her. Before leaving, he looked back at her sleepy form. As much as they could grate each other’s nerves, no one had ever thought to encourage him or challenge his own thinking besides his father. He had never been a warm or sentimental person, having to try thrice as hard to grasp emotions that came so naturally to others, but she had planted a seed of doubt. Having always been so confident in his own lacking, he found a part of himself excited to be proven wrong for the first time. Before closing the door softly, he spoke “Thank you, Nanami.”

#overhaul #kai chisaki #chisaki kai #bnha #mha overhaul #overhaul fanfiction #mha fanfic #overhaul x oc #bnha fanfic #mha oc #overhaul x nanami #nanami watanabe #same difference #mc fanart #multichapter #fanfiction #fanfic #overhaul fanfic

[elle-smells]

STORYTIME PART 3 🏳️‍🌈🙋🤷‍♂️

Part 1

Part 2

(pretty sure this is the last one)

Now

My friends are accepting, I honestly don't give a crap of certain people at my school aren't okay with it bcs it's not like I'm walking around with a huge "HEY, I'M BI!" Sign on my head. Tbh I only want my friends to know and if it happens to spread then who cares?

And I truly mean all of that, really I do. It's just never felt like the right time. It kinda feels like over sharing atm, not something that will come up in conversation and the fact that I've started to grow a little self conscious about my sexuality doesn't help my case.

See, after I figured out I was Bi I didn't really think a lot about preference. I just wanted to love who I loved. But then came DUN DUN DUUUNNN Research. I looked up everything that has to do with bisexuality and even tried to educate myself on save sex with girls (which should honestly be taught in schools for LGBTQ+ youth but that's another topic of convo)

Apart from that, I watched a ton of videos of people coming out and explaining their experiences and a lot of them talked about preference. So I started to think about it and came to the conclusion that I have a preference for guys. That.....that scared the crap out of me.

All the ppl that I heard talking about preference said they either feel about 50/50 or they have a preference for the same sex.

That made me spend a lot of time feeling ashamed of not being "bisexual enough". I felt like if I told people about my preference then they would invalidate me by thinking I'm either "too scared to say I like girls" or "just trying to follow a trend by saying I like girls"

I knew neither of those things are true but I thought ppl would see it that way. And so, I didn't even feel comfortable enough to talk about my sexuality with the LGBTQ+ community, let alone the people that aren't a part of it.

Later on I found the sexuality spectrum and that felt so right to me you have no idea. And when I heard Alexia talk about it in Skam France OMG.... *Chef's kiss* it made things even better. Unfortunately, that didn't mean I stopped feeling self conscious sometimes.

All of that self consciousness now adds to my reasoning of why it's "never the right time" to tell my friends.

Until last week, when I started writing Part 1 of this story time.

Here's where the emojis come in btw

Outside of my main girl friend group, I have another friend that goes to my school. We've only known each other for almost a year but we've become close in that time. He's one of my best friends and he's seen me cry more times that I'm proud of tbh hahaha. However, recently, we've kinda drifted apart (it's a long story), and we're still friends and talk and have a laugh but we're not the same as before. Oddly enough, I still feel like I could tell him anything. ANYTHING. If I'm sad, I'd want to talk to him, If I murder someone, he's one of the first people I'd call. And If I'm happy, I'd tell him the reason why.

For a while, I had considered coming out to him first but, again, it never felt right.

Last week, I found out he's changing school's so he won't be with us for senior year. That really bumbed me out, so I called him for the first time in a while. We had a good talk, we laughed and it felt like the beginning of our friendship.

If you asked me, I wouldn't be able to tell you what it was. I just knew. And it all lined up perfectly too!

It checked all the boxes.

• It came up in conversation - we were talking about how EVERYONE has little gay moments some times

• It was someone I trusted - Like I said, he's kinda my best friend

• It didn't feel like over sharing - the gave me perfect segway. He talked about "Bisexual check" tiktoks and how he's not bi but fits a few of the stereotypes (ie. Sweater weather, rolled up jeans, etc)

The stars were aligning and I just....said it

Well, kinda said it:

"hahaha omg dude, in that case, you're more bisexual than I am"

...... My heart started beating so hard I could basically hear it, I frees more anxious by the second so much so that I almost didn't realize he didn't stop talking.

Him: so yeah, and it's not like I only like sweater weather, it's more of-

Me: dude....did you-... are you not getting what I'm telling you

Him: uhh,no.....

Me: umm, ok nevermind then. I'll tell you again another time.

Him: oh, ok.

(hence the emojis 🏳️‍🌈🙋 <- I'm not straight. 🤷‍♂️<- friend doesn't get it)

After that I felt disappointed but it was very quickly followed by....relief. I really didn't expect to feel that. I thought I'd be more gutted that I had missed my chance. Instead I was glad the beating of my heart had stopped.

I realise now that I can't not make my coming out into a casual thing. And by that I mean, it's not something I can just brush off my shoulder, it's a part of me that I've keep deep in my soul for a while and getting it out in the open is a huge step for me. Even if I know ppl are going to be accepting, it's still a big part of my story and I can't just look past it.

Which brings me to right now. That conversation with my friend is what inspired me to write this all out. This is MY bisexual experience. This is MY story.

And it's not over yet. I'm still dealing with feeling not valid enough sometimes bcs of where I fall on the spectrum. I still haven't come out to my parents. I still have a bit of the way to go and I have no idea where that's gonna take me.

What I do know for sure is that I know where to go next. That's to that conversation with my best friend. I understand my situation a lot better now. And that's all I need to move forwards.

Today is the start of Pride Month. Love each other, support each other. I told this fandom my in progress, bisexual mess of a story bcs of how positive it can be. Please, Stand together, bcs our stories deserve to be told and heard. This was mine. And I hope you are able to tell yours ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

#bisexuality #bisexual #bi bi bi #bi mess #lgbtq #lgbt #pride month #pride 2020 #skam #skam france #skam italia #wtfock #druck #skam españa

[wandering-bitch]

Notes for I Have Always Loved The Door (pt 1)

I Have Always Loved The Door is the Wen Qing/Mianmian fic that all the wlw wanted but canon could not in any way make happen 

This is part one of three, i’m sorry, but it is a 30k fic and i’ve never written anything this long. it’s like. six months of my life. annotations are gonna be longer, too.

What is this fic About? Uh. Lots. Mostly your relationship with your past and your future. making choices about what you carry with you into your life.

title is from Charly Bliss’ “Percolator” but like. the rest of the fic is in no way related to the song. Just the lyrics “I have always loved the door/but I will always love you more/I love metaphors” fit well for the wen qing mood

it is a fucking CRIME that wen qing died, and while i’m happy that luo qingyang got a happy ending with a soft man who just wants to make her happy, i think she deserves more. so i gave her a fancy job

i struggled with the outline for this so much until i realized that mianmian’s canon arc is partially about saying goodbye to your home/family because you no longer fit there + it’s not a great place anymore. and that’s so close 2 wen qing’s

so that drove a great part of the plot, and helped shape the youya/tuzai bit

ch 1

the first chapter is so funny and then nothing ever approaches it, i’m so sorry i got ur hopes up with the shennans TTnTT

i hate most of my writing after it’s up but i still like this chapter. wen qing being a doctor, nmj knowing his place, mianmian cursing loudly

“If you’ve been knuckles-deep in me, you can consider yourself a friend” i spend a lot of time in this fic trying to kill wen qing with Lesbianism, but honestly that’s just to make up for mianmian killing herself with lesbianism.

this was b4 i decided to care how i ended chapters haha

ch 2

i’m proud honestly of this fic alternating perspective, bc it forced me to learn to write more distinct voices. 

“are you eating enough red meat?” “in the unclean realm?” 

if i had 2 be in a Great Sect i would 100% want to be in the big sexy sword jock sect but unfortunately i’m a vegetarian

please think of me, an average-sized gay, with noodle arms, pushing away all the giant cooks and self-appointed nie aunties, who are trying to shove meat into my mouth

like you know how cats avoid the bath??? and their people are like “jesus fuck how is this 10 lb animal defeating me, i’m huge and strong and also have thumbs”??? that, except it’s an average sized sword gay fighting ten RIPPED aunties holding out beef

i do love the mianqing dynamic i created here and i’m not sure i kept it up but WHATEVER this is about annotations not about editing

mianmian: god FUCK the jin clan, the jin clan sux. wen qing: hmmmmmmmmmm

i think mianmian’s three older sisters might show up in a future work in the series

yeah, i fell in love with this au, there will be at least one epilogue.

ch 3

oh ho ho!!! it’s the beginning of Sword Content!!!

i watched so many videos of dao work vs jian work and then i ignored all of it!!!

by that i mean “there were only like two decent-quality videos on dao work that i found on youtube and i couldn’t study them hard enough to get what i wanted”

someone trying to correct your practice with boring, irrelevant suggestions??? it’s extremely likely, it’s happened to me multiple times, i straight up stopped practicing outside bc of it

please, men, i’m begging you. if you see me doing martial arts, rather than correcting me, ask “oh cool, what are you doing? ah, i do [this art]” and like. talk with me like i’m a human

not to be A Bitch but there is a 70% chance that i’ve actually studied more marital arts than you, on account of most ppl abandoning within a few years, and me practicing aikido for more than a fucking decade

god swinging a weapon full-speed at someone and stopping inches from their head??? a Fun Time

mianmian’s doing it as a big dick energy move

but in my school we just trusted each other to not fuck up.

im too gay to want any “”””homophobia””” or “””discovering you’re gay”””” or “””coming out”””” plots, i just wanna fast forward to the “”””i wanna kiss a girl””” bit

OH MAN i forgot wwx’s voice in wen qing’s head. 

“even after his death the yiling patriarch managed to annoy her” i love wen qing

ch 4

IT’S THE MEMORIAL DINNER CHAPTER

memorial dinners are an important part of my household’s mourning process sorry

“she waved her hand to indicate the entirety of his use of demonic cultivation, fall from grace, and mass murder” mood wen qing. fucking mood.

oh my god im rereading this and seeing where i misspelled shit ugh. sorry lwj

so sometimes i’m vague about food and that’s because the only food i can think of when i’m writing is pork. i just. can’t remember what other foods u can eat. pork and also buns (but meat buns) soup? never heard of her. chicken? what is that??? piles of vegetables??? no one eats that obviously

please remember that im vegetarian and not only do i not eat pork, what i do eat is piles of vegetables

ah yes!!! time for mianmian to say prisons are for burning!!!!

our girls are both radical leftists sorry not sorry

acab, reproductive rights, prisons are for burning, capitalism is an inherently exploitative system, unionize your workplace

“tip your servers well” -- wen qing

wwx, shouting from beyond the grave: GET SOME, GIRLS!!!

wwx’s ghost: do y’all need anything? snacks? water? a condom? ah, love you kids, you keep me young

oh i forgot “for my local radical,” i should make sure to keep using ‘my radical’ as a cute endearment for the wives

ch 5

awwwww yeahhhhhhh trauma dreamsssss

writing jin guangyao is so fun!! and stressful!!!

fun because he never says anything straight, only through six layers of plausible deniability, and that’s just a fun exercise

fun also because i Love a Bitch. 

stressful because he never says anything straight, only through six layers of plausible deniability. 

the bit where he threatens to expose wen qing and mentions specifically that nmj does not like being lied to??? took me several times to perfect and im still not happy!!! 

but i’m deeply proud of him sending the flame hairpiece, that’s some a+ innocent-looking menace right there, that’s the only thing on this planet i believe in anymore

i loved making up sect politics that weren’t specifically “let’s put up watchtowers” because i don’t think that happened while jgs was still alive

uh @ self why did i capitalize da-ge that’s so uncomfortable.

oh my god i just realized that jin guangyao has to watch his ex boyfriend/nie mingjue treat mianmian the way he used to be treated oh fuck

sorry i was not at all writing 3zun cinderella when i wrote this so i wasn’t in the habit of thinking about jgy being in pain and now???

get fukt jin guangyao

he 100% cries to lxc about this later

what’s that??? you say i keep writing overthinkers who are anxious and terrified of everything??? huh i’m not sure i agree and if even if you were right i’m not sure it means anything

“grumpy frog” mianmian mvp

god the flame hairpiece is one of like two whole good endings i did for this fic haha

next time: ch 6-10!!

#mdzs #cql #mo dao zu shi #the untamed #wen qing #behind the scenes #i have always loved the door #mianmian #god i just [clenches fist] love mianmian

[elijahfitz]

and introduction.

meet elijah.

hey guys! im lina! im 18 and im in the cst timezone. im currently a freshman in college and ive also been rping for like 6 years now ( i started on the neopets chat boards. if thats not an embarrassing fun fact idk what is ) but i havent rped since this summer since school was and still is kicking my ass. im really into musical theater, marvel & dc, and disney! i also used to be a lifeguard at a great wolf lodge for 2 years so if u want any funny stories about stupid children, or even just wanna be friends, lmk! im also SUPER sorry this intro is so late. i was gonna do it yesterday but then my friends wanted to hang and it kinda went downhill from there. im actually posting this like 20 min before i have a lab practical so i wont be able to reply until late tonight, but like this post to plot or anything!

some fun facts abt elijah:

he was adopted when he was around 3-4? he was abandoned and left on the back of a merchant cart headed to corona, where he was then discovered and then put into the local orphanage since no one was sure where he came from or who left him. all he had was a stuffed bear (named wooly), a basket of water and fruits to eat, and a letter that explained that:

his name was elijah

he was 2 (born on february 28th)

his parents couldnt care for him, so they hoped he would be found by a kind soul who could either take care of and love him, or else get him to someone who could

they loved him and only left him in the hopes that he would have a better life

he lived in the orphanage for almost 2 years and the few months before the 2nd anniversary of his arrival, rapunzel & eugene visited the orphanage that eugene grew up in and fell in love w/ eli, promptly adopting him soon after. he barely remembers anything about his abandonment and time in the orphanage, but always wanted to find his birth parents and let them know how he turned out. he kept the bear and basket in his room but carries the letter around with him in his wallet wherever he goes.

his full name is elijah frederic fitzherbert. he was given the middle name frederic in honor of his grandfather.

but, he much rather prefers eli. doesnt mind formalities but insists on people who know him to call him by his nickname. except he HATES being called “highness” bc he thinks it sounds stupid. he wont get upset per se if u keep referring to him as “your highness” but he will get annoyed

he very much wants to fulfill his role as “corona’s golden boy” by contributing back to his people. he worries for the kingdom more than he worries for himself and is always trying to prove that he is worthy of being a prince rather than just some random kid who got lucky enough to get adopted. most of his days are spent doing modest favors and helping out the townspeople or visiting the villages surrounding the kingdom.

when he’s in the castle you can almost always find him in the kitchen! boi loves to bake and cook. he loves the way food can bring joy to everyone. he often makes goods to give to the townspeople or the kids at the orphanage, where he volunteers at least every 2 weeks when hes not busy w prince stuff.

has an acute fear of disappointment. he feels so much pressure to prove his worth that came from growing up thinking if he did anything wrong he’d be sent back to orphanage, esp since his parents had another child. they wouldn’t want or need him anymore. he mostly got over this when he broke a vase when he was 12 and tried to run away from home, except he fell out the tree that he used to climb out his window and broke his leg lmao. his parents assured him that no matter what he did they would still love him and never abandon him, and his dad also taught him how to climb trees and roofs without dying (much to his mom’s chagrin). even tho hes pretty much over it, it kinda lingers subconsciously. thus, he overcompensates in everything he does and gets overly anxious about small problems

growing up he thought the stories that his dad told him about his past were so cool, despite the fact that he would almost always only hear those stories when he was being taught lessons of what he shouldnt do. he used to run around pretending to be flynn rider and his dad played along, planning play heists for them to do together (think scott & cassie in that one scene from ant man and the wasp) but they stopped when eli hit that age where he thought it was embarrassing to play w his dad. but, it really helped him bond w eugene and help him work on his coordination bc eli is CLUMSY AF

eli legit trips over nothing at least twice a day.

he bonded w his mom through art tho, which eventually turned into aesthetic desserts and meals! thats another reason why he loves baking and cooking so much.

when his 1st sibling was born when he was 5 at first he was jealous. he didnt get much attention at the orphanage due to the fact that there were so many kids and he was just starting to get used to the idea of having parents didnt have tons of kids always trying to win their affection and attention. he thought having a little sibling was the worst thing in the world and would hide from his parents bc if they couldnt find him they couldnt send him away. he hated his sibling.

until he met them. the second he saw their chubby face he was hooked. he swore that he would do anything and everything for them. and that continued when his parents adopted his other siblings as well. he absolutely adores them and acts like the protective older bro role

thankfully, with such a large age gap eli never rlly had to go through any of those petty squabbles that siblings usually have. he was always pretty protective of them tho and would fight when he thought they were being reckless and dumb out of his own fear that if they got hurt he would be an awful big brother (again, fear of disappointment)

he loves to travel bc his mom would always take him to these extravagant kingdoms and on these amazing sightseeing trips

this boy is hopeless when it comes to love. i can imagine lots of ppl liking him on top of all the ppl throwing themselves at him bc royal, but him being completely oblivious and thinking that no one likes him.

he had rlly bad ADD as a kid but its gotten better as hes grown. he still occasionally struggles w executive functioning tho and always gets rlly frustrated when he cant focus or remember

like i said earlier, clumsy af. no coordination. the only athletic ability he ever had was horse riding and running

that said he has a horse named may (short for mayonnaise. dont ask

he likes music a lot. prob learned piano at a young age

he probably is at the party bc royals? idk

EDIT: although (currently) unknown to eli, his true birth mother is maleficent. when eli was 2, his birth father took him away from her and had her suppress eli’s natural born powers. his father realized he was unfit to care for him, so he was the one who abandoned eli.

wanted connections!!

obv his parents and siblings? i mean cmon

one ( or both???? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ) of his birth parents!!!!! they dont have to know that eli is their son or mayb they do and are too scared to tell him, but being trapped together will eventually make it revealed

childhood friends! people he met when he traveled w his mom or met at royal social functions? i rlly also want friends that he would hang w at all the royal galas and stuff and they would go do dumb stuff like look sneak out and look for secret passages of make bets of who could dump more crab cakes into the stuffy duchess’ purse when she wasnt looking

people who know him solely through his family

someone who likes eli and eli legit has no clue, no matter how much they flirt and drop hints

people who hate eli! or even just dislike him, which makes him upset bc he doesnt like the idea that there are ppl who dont like him in the world. mayb bc sometimes he gets super highstrung when things arent going how they should b and he like lashed out at them once or something. maybe they hate his parents and on principle hate him. idk

someone who was w eli in the orphanage

past relationships? i feel like hes never rlly had a bad breakup tho, its just that they prob just didnt work out. hes also bi so they can b any gender. hes still looking for his otp

idk, legit anything. send me those plots man

#spelled.intro #this got LONG #i am so sorry #but hello i am lina #like to plot !!!! pls. im desperate