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ssamie · 3 years

Text

epilogue. “your girlfriend’s kinda hot”

kozume kenma x fem dazai!reader

(bsd x hq)

tw: mentions of suicide and suggestive themes + dirty jokes

masterlist. suicide freak!

"hey uh, welcome to my stream i guess" he said as he spared the camera a quick glance "im not really playing tonight because an incident has recently occurred in this household" kenma said with a tired sigh

nobody else knew it, but the said 'incident' was y/n accidentally setting half of their living room on fire

the reason? apparently, she wanted to try burning herself to death in the furnace. obviously, it didn't work. and all that's left from that is more shit for kenma to clean up and a trip to yosano-san.

kenma is stressed. and y/n is still alive. both of them are facing problems.

"can you please wear a maid outfit- no."

kenma shook his head as he continued playing, glancing at the chat once in a while to read the veiwers' questions and comments

╭─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╮

user: how about cat ears?!

user: ^^ cATBOY CATBOY CATBOY

user: u suck at this game wtf

kuroo.tetsu: hey kenma ;)

╰─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╯

"first of all, i do not suck at minecraft thank you very much" kenma scoffed

"second of all, go away kuroo. im still mad at you"

╭─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╮

user: LMFAOOO kuroo what did u do?? 💀💀

user: he probably broke kenma's pc

user: PLSS he's the one kenma’s throwing shade at on twitter

kuroo.tetsu: STOP THE SLANDER 😔✋🏼

user: rooster head lookin ass

user: ^^ NOT THE HAIR

kuroo.testsu: 😃😃

╰─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╯

kenma sighed as he continued building a cute little cottage. he was currently vibing, just building y/n a cute cottage for her to probably burn later on.

and he decided it would be nice to go on stream since his oh-so-lovely girlfriend was still out for work.

ah yes, kenma has somehow kept y/n alive all those years.

barely.

hence why his phone was being bombarded with messages from her, all of which being blurry selfies.

the photos had her sporting a huge grin while atsushi panicked in the background.

╭─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╮

user: ayo, ur phone's blowing up

user: do you have a girlfriend?

user: KODZUKEN LET ME SUCK UR TOES 😋😋🤩

user: ^ ayo chill 😃

╰─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╯

kenma simply ignored them and continued on with his task. all was going well until a loud slam was heard. his cat-like eyes widened as he heard a familiar voice singing from downstairs, it was undoubtedly y/n.

kenma chuckled nervously and muted his mic.

but of course, cute dumb catboy didn't actually mute his mic. haha <3

he ignored all the questions in the chat, all of them being speculations that he has a girlfriend. which he does, but they simply did not need to know that <3

"kenma~" she yelled out "i have a surprise for you!!" she said, followed by menacing giggles.

kenma glanced at the camera before hopping off his gaming chair and peeking his head out of the door.

"y/n, im streaming!! stay down there!" he yelled out in panic

"aw, you're playing hard to get aren't ya?" she chuckled

kenma deadpanned as he saw her limping up the stairs, with her bandages torn and unravelled, same with her clothes. he didn't really think much of it since this is usually how she comes home.

its most likely just due to work and/or another suicide attempt.

"so, kenma.. you'll never know what just happened to me today" she started off with a goofy grin

"im streaming, atleast let me turn it off first-"

she paid no mind to him as she peeled off her ruined coat and pointed to her poorly bandaged stomach

"i got stabbed!"

"you got what?!"

kenma furrowed his brows as he immediately rushed over to his side, cradling her face and waist as he inspected her injuries

"are you okay, kitten?" he asked worriedly

"yep, apparently it wasnt deep enough to be fatal" she sighed dejectedly

"please don't be sad about that." kenma groaned "can you undress?"

"ara ara~ whats this?" she cooed "you're getting real bold, kenma" she smirked at him

she unbuttoned her shirt and started pulling down on her skirt "but since you asked so nicely-"

kenma simply sighed and shook his head. "i was gonna prepare you a bath but now im considering leaving you here to die"

"but the second option would've been better though" she smiled at him

"oh my fucking god."

kozume kenma. (22)

╰─▸ university student, stock trader, pro-gamer, youtuber, ceo of bouncing ball lpt.

╰─▸ y/n's struggling boyfriend. definitely needs a pay after all he's been through.

╰─▸ currently panicking because his girlfriend got stabbed.

l/n y/n. (22)

╰─▸ operative/member of the armed detective agency.

╰─▸ kenma's girlfriend. kinda dumb, very hot to compensate for it. still hasn't died yet.

╰─▸ currently bleeding and wounded. also hoping for severe blood loss.

"kenma, did you know" she mused in a teasing tone "lack of sleep and too much stress could possibly lead to poor memory and lack of awareness"

kenma looked up at her with a look of confusion. he was currently kneeled down before her while she was sat on the bed as he cleaned her wound up with a damp towel.

"why are you telling me this?" he asked

"i just thought it probably applied to you" she snickered

"why? i didnt forget anything-"

he cut himself off with a huge intake of air. he slowly turned his head to look at the screen which still had his stream going on. to make it worse, the camera was on and they were both clearly in the camera's field of view.

to make things worse worse, his mic was on the whole time and the live chat was in shambles.

"i hate it here" he sighed

kenma laid his head on her lap as he continued on patching her up, honestly not caring that this whole scene was being recorded for thousands or millions of people to see.

"well, atleast the internet could finally see my beauty before i die" she laughed

she ran her fingers through kenma's hair as he grumbled under his breath. kenma was a pretty private person. he made sure not to overshare, given his current 'influencer' status. and he was planning on keeping his relationship a secret, though it seems he can't do that anymore.

"might as well say hi" she shrugged

so of course, she then decided to walk up to the camera looking utterly dishevelled and roughed up.

for context, the newly wrapped bandages around her stomach was being stained already by a crimson red hue and it was only getting worse the more she moved, undoubtedly messing up her wound.

"hi, im kenma's girlfriend and if i see you flirting with him i will make you regret it" she grinned

"y/n!" kenma groaned from the bed "you're close to dying right now, turn the stream off"

ignoring him, she proceeded to read the veiwers' comments, laughing at some of them while she joked around.

╭─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╮

user: heLLO?!?!

user: GE HAS A GIRLFRIEND NOOO

user: bruh, did i just hear that right? were you fuckin stabbed?

user: ur kinda hot tho

╰─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╯

kenma furrowed his brows as he reluctantly walked up behind her, reading the comments with varying reactions

╭─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╮

user: well damn, hot bloody girl comes in and suddenly im lesbian

user: kenma looks so done

kuroo.tetsu: hi y/n ;)

user: HER NAME IS Y/N

╰─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╯

"jesus christ shut up, kuroo" kenma grumbled out with a sigh

"yup! yup! im y/n, and no, i am not a criminal. i swear." she shook her head

"i got an injury from my job, that's all." she cleared up

╭─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╮

user: tangina nyo sana ol

user: MSKAKAKKA

user: THIS IS LOWKEY ICONIC

user: time to scratch another gamer boy off my possible bf list 😔

user: girl wtf happened to u

user: that's wack bro 🚶‍♀️

╰─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╯

"great question, random person from the internet!" she beamed "see, what happened was.."

"i went on a certain mission and got severely injured. though, when i called for help nobody responded" she said

kenma furrowed his brows at her words. "why didn't anybody respond?" he asked. she sighed and fiddled with her torn bandages, pouting her lips as she does so.

"well, when i told them that i was finally on death's door, all they said to me was 'congratulations!' and all that.." she said "what's your take on that, hm?" she asked kenma

"im not surprised" he said

she grinned at his words and leaned in for a kiss. "you're so mean to me, kenma~" she whined

she licked her lips as she held his blushing face in her hands, she nuzzled their noses as she leaned in closer to him.

╭─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╮

kuroo.tetsu: oh shit 😳

user: we all know where this is heading ;)

user: sana ol talaga punyemas

user: AYO CHILL

user: why we goin so fuckin fasstttt 😳

╰─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╯

kenma hastily turned the camera off as soon as y/n's lips touched his.

"kitten, were still- hmph-"

he was only silenced as she slipped her tongue in his mouth, smirking lightly as she ran her fingers through his hair

"thanks babe." she said as she pulled away, giving him a soft peck on his cheek and a nod "anyways.." she hummed as she turned the camera on once again

she looked through the chat while kenma slaps his face to get rid of his blush.

╭─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╮

user: ur fuckin freaky

kuroo.tetsu: oya oya 😼😼

user: MS MAAM I JUST MET U AND I LOVE U ALREADY WJABSJSJJS

user: not me blushing chiiilllleeeeee 🏃‍♀️

user: KENMA IS FLUSTERED

kuroo.tetsu: kenma, i didnt expect this from u 😼

user: im so fucking JEALOUS GRR😡

user: girl r u bleeding rn 😃

╰─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╯

upon reading a certain comment, she subconsciously grazed her fingers against her bandaged wound. her eyes slightly widening as she felt a concerning amount of wetness seeping through

she glanced at kenma who was still calming himself down and inspected her wound

"oh my.." she muttered, though she couldn't help but let a smile slip through

so like any normal person would do, she simply ignored her bleeding wound and the fact that she was getting a bit lightheaded. haha <3

"anyways, let's answer some questions!" she beamed

╭─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╮

user: what's ur full name

user: what's ur job miss girl

user: are you possibly looking for a gf, because i am more

than willing to take the spot 🚶‍♀️

user: how did you meet??

╰─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╯

"alright, those are all very nice questions" she chuckled. kenma, who's now calmed down, sat down beside her to look at the chat.

"first, im l/n y/n" she mused "nice to meet ya"

"second im a detective! mhm, im cooler than your fathers"

"third, it depends, belladonna" she cooed as she sent the camera flirty smirk "are you perhaps willing to join me in a double suicide?"

"oh god.." kenma grumbled. he pouted at her and shook his head in disapproval. "don't flirt with random girls" he whined

"why not?"

"uh- because i am your beloved boyfriend, is that not good enough of a reason??"

"... anyways, we met at a cafe way back in high school" she said with a smile "also, i asked him to join me on a double suicide" she said

she was smiling and nodding as if it was the most normal thing in the world, all while kenma nods along

╭─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╮

user: wtf are u okay 🗿

kuroo.tetsu: teenage romance 🤩

user: cute ❤️

user: im concerned ❤️

user: ur a detective?? cool

user: LMAOO I'LL GO ON A DOUBLE SEWER SLIDE

WITH U MOMMY 😩😩😋

user: ^^ SAME 😩

user: CHOKE ME WITH THOSE BANDAGES MOMMAE 😩

user: u r still bleeding 🚶‍♀️

╰─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╯

kenma was simply glaring at the chat as more compliments and flirtatious comments came flowing in, all of which were directed to his girlfriend.

"this is why i didn't wanna let people know about you.." kenma grumbled

"aww, why not?" she asked with a playful pout

"people are flirting with you." he sighed "also, stop asking for my girlfriend's onlyfans! she doesn't even have one!" he snarled

╭─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╮

user: LMAOO CATBOY IS ANGRY 😩

user: y/n-senpai spit on me 😡😡

user: drop the onlyfans

user: chupapi munyanyo 😩

╰─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╯

"anyways, i'd hate to ruin the mood" she chimed in with a sluggish giggle "but im so wet kenma" she whined out

a menacing smirk was etched on her lips as kenma spluttered in response, a bright red hue covering his face almost instantly as he faced her with widened eyes

"y-y/n! why would you say that?!" he whisper shouted

"cuz i am" she whined out as she grabbed his hand and trailed it down her abdomen

she faced the camera and gave them a shit-eating grin as kenma mumbled out incoherent words

"y/n we should-" he cut himself off as he felt the concerning amount of blood drip down his whole arm

kenma's face paled as he looked up to see her smiling like a kid in a candy store, completely unbothered.

"y/n, you idiot! why didn't you tell me!" kenma exclaimed

"um- my girlfriend is bleeding. excessively. so uh- bye i guess" it was all he said before hastily ending his stream and turning off his computer.

"y/n, let's get you to a hospital" he said as he reached down to carry her away. though she simply slapped his hands off and closed her eyes.

"nope. this is my time, kenma. don't ruin it for me" she said

"you're fucking dying!!"

"well, would you like to join me?"

"no"

"damn." she muttered in response

"so...wanna fuck?" she asked sheepishly

"for the love of god-"

this was so messy :/

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fumingspice · 3 years

Text

andante

Pairing: Cordelia Goode x Reader

Prompt: oK so how about like?? Delia x reader and they're both in love af but they think the other has no feelings for them so they're both tripping over themselves to make the other love them and then madison comes in and she's just like 'stop being dumb' and they finally realise how much the other loves them.

I’m sorry but my ed crept back in and im not horny enough to put more thought into writing so just ignore the massive time skip at “---”. enjoy, you strange people xo

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*(*❦ω❦)*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

It's crazy. Falling. You see? We don't say "rising into love". There is in it, the idea of the fall. And it goes back to extremely fundamental things. That there is always a curious tie at some point between the fall and the creation. Taking this ghastly risk is the condition of there being life. You see, for all life is an act of faith and an act of gamble...

Between Cordelia Goode's ears were pretty brown eyes and a mind full of thoughts. Brown eyes were never really your favourite until you saw them on her. You knew yourself that somehow, over the years you got to know Cordelia; working with her, befriending her, carrying her home from the bar one night when she got far too drunk, letting her cry into your shoulder when her job became too real and she could feel her mother's words hanging over her head.

When you started falling for the woman with those beautiful brown eyes.

Somehow, her eyes were now your favourite colour.

Not brown- brown wasn't simply the word for the colour. Cordelia's eyes were the colour of aged whiskey. Sometimes they were the only two safe shots of tequila that you could see. Sometimes they were a beautiful milk chocolate dotted with exposed honeycomb. Once when she had asked you to help her decorate the garden for the Summer Equinox- she had given Zoe enough money to take the girls on a field trip for the day so she could give the girls a little party. You stood watching her in her denim shorts and her white button up. When she had stepped back and put her arm around you to admire both of your handy work you could have sworn her eyes were glowing like fresh magma.

Her hand lay on your waist a split second too long.

You had fallen in love with the Supreme.

"Yo, bitch!" Madison Montgomery's usual entrance phrase disturbed you from your imagination. You raised your brow and smirked.

"Yes, Madison?"

The blonde took her sunglasses off her face and closed them with a slight snap. "The girls want to know if you wanna come to play Pysch! with us," she said. Her lips were curled in what could almost be described as a friendly smile. You were one of the few honoured to know that under Madison's bitchy white girl facade there was actually a very sweet someone lurking under there.

You thought for a moment and put your pen down. "I won't be long- I just have to log these last few names and I'll be there," you tell her. Madison rolled her eyes and waved her hand, the pen lifted itself and wrote the last thirteen names within seconds. "You're done. Let's go, Y/N."

Madison didn't even give you a minute to say anything before she walked out of the room. "Come on, bitch. Don't make me use my powers!" she called from the hallway, finally motivating you to move.

The girls sat in a circle in Zoe's bedroom. Lights off. Candles lit.

Zoe, Queenie, Mallory, and Coco were indulged in their phones for the game. Madison turned to you and held up her phone to show you the question. "What is Zoe's deepest, darkest secret?" she read. "You gotta answer it and the person with the most votes wins. It lasts for ten rounds and it can be fucking hilarious."

Zoe's face was red with laughter at the answers. "She's not actually a witch- that's not even funny," she gasped through cackles. She then sobered slightly. "She likes to watch Danny Devito movies while masturbating and screaming 'I am a dirty man'."

Madison was the only one who chortled at that.

You joined the game and got your best answers ready in your head. "If Madison got arrested tomorrow what would it be for?"

Madison rolled her eyes and muttered something about knowing exactly what everyone was about to answer. You smirked slightly, sensing her slight apprehension.

Prostitution.

Murder. Third-degree.

Fucking up the brakes on a bus full of frat boys.

Public Nudity.

"Gosh, you're so original," she muttered, glaring right at Zoe, who just shrugged.

"It's the rules of the game, bitch. Go all in, don't get offended," she replied.

The game pinged for the next question.

"What is on Y/N's mind right now?"

Coco gave a loud "Ha!" and typed quickly, along with the other girls who were all typing as quickly as possible to get their answers in first.

A quiet knock came from the other side of the door and Cordelia poked her head around. "Sorry to interrupt, girls. Y/N, could I borrow you for a moment?" she asked, voice sweet and angelic. You bounced up as soon as she finished the sentence and obliged straight away. You were met with a sweet smile.

Madison flicked her brows. "Speak of the devil," she muttered, winking at Delia's slightly confused face. As you left, your phone pinged to announce the results just before you left the game.

Cordelia 🥵🥵🥵

Delia. I ship it <3

Getting knuckle deep finger fucked by the HWIC

French fries

You quickly shut off your phone screen before Cordelia could see.

"What's the matter, Delia?" You asked, practically skipping alongside her. There was a vibrant air of satisfaction between you.

Cordelia shook her head, her blonde hair bobbing with her movements. “I just wanted to know if you’d like to go out.”

You felt your heart stop. “Go out?”

Cordelia looked hurt by the confusion on your face.

“Yes. Would you like to join me in the garden?”

“Oh,” you realised, slightly disappointed. “I would love to.”

---

"For the love of Hades. Right, I don’t mean to sound rude or anything because I have some understanding that lesbians are fucking useless because of the fear of appearing to be predatory because the media is an asshole,” Madison continued. “But I don’t really think any of us can eat at this table anymore without choking on the fucking sexual tension between the both of you.”

Cordelia looked shocked. “It’s not that-”

“I’m a fucking mindreader! You do get that I can fucking hear the things that you say in your head about what you want to do to Y/N? I’m one gutter minded bitch and not even I’m creative enough to come up with that shit while I’m eating my fucking apple turnover!”

You blushed hard and chuckled.

Madison’s neck snapped towards you. “Oh, and don’t getting me fucking started on you! Do you know how fucking unsanitary it would be to carry out your little fantasies of fucking Cordy on the kitchen counter? Not even for us but the amount of fucking crumbs that would work into your nooks and crannies would be like trying to spring clean Myrtle's fucking hair! "

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Cordelia chuckled nervously. Her face turning a shade of red. “I’m sure Y/N’s got plenty of better options.”

Madison dropped her face in her hands and rubbed her temples. “God, you bitches are going to put fucking years on my skin.”

“Oh, give me a break, Madison.”

Cordelia stumbled foward slightly, having been tripped up by some unseeable force and sending her tumbling into you. Her hands lay against your chest for that split second too long once more.

Your lips parted for a moment and your breath hitched as you both watched Madison smirk and leave the room. It felt like your heart was beating at a thousand miles an hour. You surroundings were unnoticable to you now; replaced by unidentifiable whirls of colour and light. Your hand rested flat on Cordelia’s cheek. It was different this time. Not the spark, that had been there every time you touched. It was the fact that you were both too slow to ignore the ignition that started in your chests.

You saw her eyebrows falter from their previously confident expression, like all of her preparation and barriers and walls had fallen down and she was too slow to replace them. Cordelia pursed her lips, presumably trying to figure out what she should say to you. Again, she was too slow as you inhaled sharply and thrust yourself forward to catch her lips.

Delia was quick to mould herself to the curves of your front, hands falling to the small of your back on a collision course as she backed you into the dining room table. You smoothed your hands over the contours of her jaw, her collar bones, breasts, hips like you were a master pianist playing a brilliant concerto. Her body was the only instrument you longed to play; her moans the only melody that you longed to draw from her.

As her lips glided across your own, everything came together like pieces into place. You thought back one of those late nights in the kitchen. The way Delia’s fingers had so enthusiastically laced through yours during the late night in the kitchen when you had both stayed up until the wee hours of the morning talking about life. How the witch had turned the radio on and taken your hand while you danced to some song by REO Speedwagon. Twirling you through the night. “Can’t fight this feeling” was the song. Ironic, now that you thought about it. It seemed as though fighting her feelings was what she had been doing the entire time.

She twirled you around in the light of the dim television and the refrigerator when the songs were upbeat, even going as far as dipping you and pulling you up again. Bare thighs against your own in her shorts and oversized shirt. When the songs that were played were slower, she was more gentle. Until eventually you swayed in a slow two-step, your head against her chest, and hers against yours. The air was thick with something pure. Something untouched.

You had no idea why you ever just thought this was something two best friends did. More so, you had no idea why you didn’t lean back and dip into her lips and allow your souls to dance the waltz that they were so clearly destined for.

Cordelia’s thumb and finger lay on either side of your jaw as she continued to kiss you as if her soul depended on it. Her fingers interlocked with yours against the table.

She broke away, tears had fallen down her cheeks and made your heart melt. “Oh-ho,” you chuckled, mouth agape at her sight. “Why the tears, my love?”

Cordelia laughed, wiping away her tears. “I’ve longed to do that for so long,” she replied. “So, so long.”

You chuckled at her sweetness and the display of pure love that you were so unaccustomed to.

“I fell in love with you, Y/N. I don’t think I will ever stop falling in love with you. You’ve created this storm of beautiful chaos in me,” she continued. “Do you remember that night where I was really sleepy, so you let me just stay in your room? How I had fallen asleep on top of you by accident and you wrapped your arms around me and hummed a lullaby?”

You nodded, remember the feeling of waking up with the Supreme in your arms.

“I was wide awake,” she told you. A delicate smile arose.

You chuckled into her touch.

“Oh, sweetheart,” you replied, drawing her closer, her blonde hair twirled in your fingers. “I know you were.”

#ahs #ahs imagines #cordelia goode #cordelia foxx #cordelia goode x reader #cordelia foxx x reader #wilhemina venable #wilhemina venable x reader #billie dean howard #billie dean howard x reader #lana winters #lana winters x reader #sally mckenna #sally mckenna x reader

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jadedxrealityw · 3 years

Text

-Chapstick- Pansy Parkinson x Female Reader

☼-☪-☼

Kody: the lesbians have risen

Request: pansy x reader where they are friends & reader loves chapsticks very much because chapped lips also the taste and the smell are cute ?? and then she has different variants of it. Pans could smell it sometimes when she purposely gets closer, got curious one time and asked for it and she casually gave it. One time Pans asked what flavour was the one on her lips right now because it's different from the usual??? and reader was like see for yourself and then they ki- IM SO GAY FOR PANSY PARKINSON - 💐

House: Slytherin

Possible Triggers / Warnings: lesbian power couple baby, cursing, y/n being a bottom, making out.

☼-☪-☼

since day one you had been best friends with Pansy Parkinson. Even in your small little friend group that consisted of Draco Malfoy, Blaise Zabini, and Theodore Nott, you just gravitated towards Pansy more. Maybe it was because you were both girls or the fact that you had met her first.

throughout your school years you and Pansy were like a power duo. Some were scared, some wanted your title, and the rest despised you both. Even with all the popularity you weren’t mean or cude to people who didn’t deserve it. Kill them with kindness is what you’d always say.

around your 6th year is when you enveloped your slight chapstick addiction. You had noticed your lips become more flaking and chapped as you grew up so over the summer when you visited america you bought a pack with a variety of different flavors.

Pansy made fun of you at first because of how quickly you had started to buy more and more until you had a collection. After all the teasing you two developed a sort of game you could say. Anytime Pansy could smell the chapstick on you she would try and guess what scent it was.

at first it was cute and friendly, but out of nowhere she would grab your face and bring it close to hers so she could smell the chapstick. It would be so sudden and make your stomach twist in a way you had never felt before, especially when she would send you a wink after she backed away.

after a lot of thinking and ‘therapy’ sessions with Theo you had come to the conclusion that you had fell for your best friend. It was very cheesy, but it was true. Pansy Parkinson had stolen your heart and you terrified at the power she held over you.

☼-☪-☼

7th year

you were practically running towards the field, hoping the outfit you chose would keep you warm enough in the nippy weather. You did not want to be late to Draco and Blaises quidditch match against Gryffindor. Of course you cheered on your friends, who wouldn’t?

you began to climb up the stairs to make your way into the stands. Once you make it to the top you gaze through the crowd and spot the familiar black haired female leaning back to look up at the sky. She looked very focused on something in the sky.

Pansy was wearing a large black sweater with some kind of white t-shirt sticking out from the bottom with matching black pants and shoes. She looked in casual clothes- in anything really. You make your way through the crowd, pushing past a couple people while mumbling ‘excuse me’ and such.

you take a seat next to Pansy who looks back down to face you “Thought you weren’t gonna show. You look nice by the way” she comments and you shake your head. You were wearing a black crop with matching pants and a oversized navy blue hoodie.

your stomach twist like many times before. “Thanks” you reply before suddenly realizing you were missing a friend “Where’s Theo?” you ask. Pansy lifts up her hand to point in front of her. You follow her finger until you spot the back of Theos head “He wanted to be closer to watch Blaise”

you nod once before you heard Lee Jordan begin the announcements.

☼-☪-☼

while watching a breeze blew past you and towards Pansy. The Slytherin girls nose scrunched up as she smelled something, something fruity? (because your gay duh) She turns to look at you, brown eyes narrowed. You felt her eyes on you and face her “What?-”

Pansy grabs your face with both of her hands. You could feel the cold metal of the rings she wore against your cheek. Pansy leans in close, her nose centimeters from your mouth. You could hear her sniff as your face began to feel hot.

she was so close. The smell of hrt minty breath from her gum she had been chewing made everything in your body flare up. It was only a second, but felt like hours before she pulled away “Your wearing strawberry” Pansy had a cocky smirk on her face as she spoke, her hands slowly falling from your face

you blink mindlessly as you reach into the packet of your jacket. You pull out the tube of strawberry chapstick. Pansy’s smirk only grows wider “Knew it, what's my prize?” she asked. Your face twist a bit. A prize? She had never asked for one before.

“What do you want?”

“A Kiss”

your mouth opens a bit to speak, but you choke on your words instead. Pansy lets out a chuckle and turns to face forward again “I’m only kidding”

☼-☪-☼

you were walking alongside Pansy, Theo, Draco and Blaise. You were all leaving the quidditch field and head back to the common room. Slytherin had won and the team was going out for butterbeer at the three broomsticks. Draco and Blaise had opted out saying they wanted to celebrate with close friends.

just you guys, how sweet.

“So- did Y/n and Pans. I flew past you guys and for a brief second and i swore i saw you guys making out” Draco spoke making Blaise and Theo laugh. “You guys were what now? I knew you were close, but no that close damn” Draco adds were made the boys laugh even harder.

you roll your eyes playfully and walk behind behind Draco. He doesn’t see you as you wack the back of his head “Ow!” he exclaimed. Pansy chuckles “We were not making out by the way. I was smelling her chapstick” she explains. The boys nod and silence consumes you all after that.

that is until Theo speaks up “That’s still gay”

☼-☪-☼

you all spent the night together, talking, goofing around, and drinking firewhiskey. It was a fun idea at the time, but you all got wasted more than you’d like to admit. Your E/c eyes open slowly and your met with skin? You lift your head up, you were laying on top of Pansy.

Y/n.exe has stopped working

she was wearing her black flannel pants as well as her matching sports bra. Your heart might have stopped right then and there. You look down at what you were wearing and noticed you only had your undergarments and Pansy’s sweater that she had worn at the game.

before having time to freak the hell out you heard the black haired girl mumble under you “morning” she mumbles, her eyes opening slowly. You give her a half smile before sitting up “Um- how did- how did i end up here?” you ask. Pansy uses her elbows to prop herself up.

she pushes her bangs from her face. They had began to grow over her eyes, but refused to cut them after you said you liked them longer. “You got a bit tipsy so i brought you here to rest. As well as those three” she says and points to the floor. You raise a brow and crawl to the edge of the bed.

on the floor was Blaise and Theo cuddling on the ground. Cute. Draco was laying next to Blaise curled up in a ball with a blanket over him. Also cute. “Damn, i guess you played mom for a bit huh?” you joke, sitting back down on the bed.

Pansy shrugs her shoulders “You could say that. Your hug things in your sleep, did you know that?”

“I’m sorry what?”

☼-☪-☼

later in the day you were in your own dorm room studying for an exam in charms you had the next day. While writing down a few notes you heard your door open. You place the quill down and turn in your chair to see Pansy at the door.

she had on a black t-shirt with a sheer long sleeve one underneath, black pants with a white dragon that stopped above her ankles and black socks with checkered vans. Pansy had a plate of food in each hand “Theo told me you hadn’t eaten lunch yet so i brought you some.”

“You look cute by the way” she adds with a wink

you smile lightly and pat the chair next to yours “I’m guessing you came to eat with me as well?” you ask and she nods, taking a seat. She places the plate of food in front of you and places her down as well. Pansy began to move your textbooks around as you reached into the pocket off your black jeans.

you pulled out your new chapstick ‘fruit punch’ and took off the cap. You smear it on your bottom lip before popping the cap back on and into your pocket while rubbing both your lips together to apply it evenly. Pansy smells something fruity again and smiles lightly.

except for this smelt different. Way different. Nothing you had worn before.

Pansy looks at you as you grab a fork with a amused smirk “New chapstick?” she asked. You noticed her playful tone. Turning in your sea you face Pansy “Maybe, maybe not” you say vaguely, shrugging your shoulders. Pansy rolls her eyes and faces you too.

like last time she reaches up and grabs your face, pulling it close to hers. You hear her sniff just like before, but this time her eyebrows furrow “What the fuck is that?” she asks, making you laugh quietly “Can’t figure it out?” you tease. Her brown eyes narrow into a glare “Shut up” she hisses.

what a baby

Pansy stays like that for a couple seconds before exhaling loudly “What the hell is it” she grumbles. A risky idea popped into your mind in an instant. It was dumb, but you were so tired of just being friends with her. You were willing to risk it all in one question.

“See for yourself then”

you couldn’t really remember much between the the couple seconds of silence. All you remember is Pansy’s lips on your feverishly. She leaned into kiss you deeper, making you almost fall out the chair. She was not taking it slow in the slightest.

As Pansy’s mouth moves against yours she leans down and uses her hands to scoop up your thighs. She lifts you up and you wrap your arms around her waist tightly, making Pansy let out a muffled noise. You felt a hard surface hit your back and assumed Pansy had leant you against the wall.

Pansy ran her tongue against your bottom lip. You open your mouth slightly for her and Pansy’s tongue slipped into your mouth instantly. You felt a cold piece of metal on your tongue that connected to hers. It took you a second to process what it was.

she had a tongue piercing

“You have a tongue piercing?” you ask between hot kisses. You feel her smirk against your lips as one hand traces circles on your exposed stomach. She pulls away for a moment “Yeah. Problem?” she questions, panting slightly. You shake your head quickly “Nope- it’s just really hot”

☼-☪-☼

an hour later

“You owe me ten galleons” Draco spoke.

Blaise groans and reaches into his pocket to dig out the money and place it in his hands “Yeah, yeah whatever” he grumbles.

Theo smiles happily “I’m so happy for them!”

Draco nods slowly “I’m pretty sure the whole house heard them though”

☼-☪-☼

Taglist: @the--queen-of-hell @sonbelleame @dracosathenaeum @pxroxide-prinxcesss

☼-☪-☼

Kody- lesbian things lesbian things. Anyways request are open, peace.

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spacesuitsforemergency · 2 years

Text

Wanted to write a little Ronick thing ft. Kitty being a horny little lesbian

Ronan was no stranger to house parties, he went to many in his neighborhood throughout the years living with his dad. They didn’t live in the greatest side of town, lots of gang activity and such but Ronan was used to that, he did live in LA after all. His neighbors Jamal and Amari were throwing a party while their parents were gone for the weekend, so Ronan invited Kitty and Nick to come with. He knew parties weren’t Nicks absolute favorite place to be, but he had insisted on coming since he knew Ronan would being smoking and he wanted his boyfriend to be safe.

So while Ronan was partying with his friends and playing some drinking game, Nick was chilling on the couch and just observing everything. He watched with a small smile on his face as Ronan nodded his head along to Big Poppa and smoked his joint, looking effortlessly cool with his chains and expensive basketball shorts and shoes. Of course, he wasn’t wearing a shirt like always, which Nick wouldn’t complain about.

Some girl sat next to Nick and started flirting with him, to which he politely rejected her and awkwardly got up and walked to the kitchen. He grabbed a drink and shoved past couples making out against the walls and counters, Kitty included, sucking face with some random chick at the party. Nick made his way back to the main room, leaning against the wall and watching drunk idiots fall and laugh at nothing. Then he saw his drunk idiot drop his prosthetic arm, making people who were high freak out cause they were already tripping balls, now some dudes arm fell off. Nick shook his head and picked up the arm, leading Ronan over to the couch so he could put it back on for him.

“Oh there you are, Nicky! I been looking for you everywhere!” Ronan giggled, clearly not sober whatsoever.

“How the hell did you undo your arm?” Nick asked as he fastened it back onto Ronan’s shoulder. Ronan shrugged, practically falling into Nicks chest and sighing in content. Nick kissed him on the head, noticing the girl who flirted with him earlier look embarrassed, which made him chuckle honestly.

“What?” Ronan looked up at him upside down.

“Nothing. You’re just cute.”

“I knowwww.” Ronan grinned goofily, then a new song came on and his eyes widened. “NICHOLAS DANCE WITH ME OR IM LEAVING YOU.”

“I don’t know…” Nick teased.

“Come on! It’s homophobic if you don’t dance to Lil Nas X.” Ronan stood up as best he could, nearly falling over if Nick wasn’t right behind him. Nick chuckled as Ronan pulled him along to the dance floor (really just the living room carpet essentially-), and smiled as his boyfriend started getting into rhythm and resting his hands on Nicks hips to guide him into the dance with him. Nick wrapped his arms around Ronan’s neck as Ronan wrapped his around his waist, both boys grinning at each other and mouthing along to the words occasionally. A couple of Ronan’s friends Wolf whistled at them, making Ronan laugh and yell at them to shut it and go find someone else to perv on.

“You wanna get outta here? My house is right down the street~” Ronan raised his eyebrows.

“Yeah, I’m getting tired.”

“Boy, we ain’t sleepin and you know it.” Ronan teasingly grabbed Nicks ass, to which Nick swiftly smacked his arm and whisper shouted “Not in public!”

“You act like you don’t love it.” Ronan kissed him on the cheek before heading towards the door. “Wait, shit, wheres Kitty? Can’t just ditch her.”

“I saw her sucking face with some chick in the kitchen.” Nick shrugged. “Probably still there.”

“Are you kidding? Kitty goes fast, they’re upstairs somewhere.” Ronan scoffed as he jogged up the stairs.

Ronan knocked on the first door, hearing a guy yell at him to fuck off, so not that one. He went down the hall and knocked on another door, hearing Kitty shout at him to go away.

“We’re outta here, Kit Kat. You got a ride?”

“I’m riding right now~”

“TMI BITCH! Get home safe, got it?”

“Yeah whatever, dad! Have fun with-Asia, stop!” Kitty giggled, making Ronan roll his eyes and gag. He walked away and found Nick waiting at the bottom of the stairs, watching some of the guys break a vase and one of the hosts yelling at them about it. Nick was relieved when Ronan finally came down the stairs, sick of the immature teenage bullshit going down here.

#I’m literally awful at endings so there really isn’t one #but THE BOYS #ronick #kitty nygma wayne

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burnedbyshoto · 5 years

Text

Believe in Me

todoroki shouto x reader

warnings: fluff? angst? ha, find out ;)

word count: 2,610

a/n: this was... the hardest thing I’ve had to write... ask my friends, i asked for many ideas!!!! i think because momo is my hc lesbian im like “why is reader jealous? what an idiot!” so i made it more... insecure than jealous! but still i hope you enjoy my love :D

Shouto and Momo had an unbreakable bond.

They were the two students who got in through recommendation. A testament to not only their quirks but to their connections to the Hero Society. They shared their levels of fame, wealth, were from the same circle of society. Most importantly, they have always clicked.

You sometimes wondered why they never dated. It was unfair of you to think that way, after all, Shouto was your boyfriend! Yet, when you were in situations like this… your thoughts took a dive into insecurity.

Jealousy, insecurity, and bitter feelings.

You were good at keeping them down! It was because you didn’t want to be that kind of girlfriend, but they were often insufferable together. It was most often hard studying with them. Shouto always seemed to ask for her help, and you got why he did! Momo, of course, had a higher ranking than you did in the class, but you still outranked him! Why did he never ask you?

Or the way they always paired up together during hero basics training when given the option. The two of them often getting the highest marks in the lesson.

Or even the way Shouto talked about Momo. Pure respect and admiration laced his tone. He was proud of the lengths of which she had grown since her meltdown during your first semester here at U.A.

But right now, you were in a situation that made it hard for you to speak. The two of them were analyzing the situation before them with intensive whispering. The three of you were in a group together for mid-terms your final year here, and you were feeling neglected. They stood analyzing how to get the best success from this test. A simple task that required them to save the “civilian” from a building crawling with “villains.”

Momo was a strategist, you knew that. She had a very capable quirk, but always acted more of a support than the actual hero. Shouto was also a strategist in his own way, but he usually decided to overpower others with his quirk. You weren’t much of a strategist. You were an excellent combat fighter; your strategies involved decisions at the moment. It was never meticulous or planned ahead of time. It worked for you! You were great at it, but most were not. Real-life was different from theory, that’s what you always believed at least.

You felt awkward as you stood behind them, taking in the information of what they wanted you to do. You did not feel included in this strategy whatsoever. You didn’t agree on some parts of the strategy. You had even voiced your thoughts! You had stated that even though it was indoors, doesn’t mean that all the villains would be smart. But the two of them ignored your concerns. Ruling out it out as none of your lessons gave you chaotic villains indoors.

“I don’t like the strategy…” You whisper to Shouto again, as Momo is doing one last mental recital of the game plan. “Why would the last floor not have guards? Plus, the entire no making noise thing is bull! Momo is a great strategist, but you can’t expect us to not make any noises!”

“I know you don’t like that part,” Shouto sighs. Shouto knows the mass majority of what they’re asking of you goes against most things you have always done. You were a fighter. You weren't a capturer! Yet they wanted you to have the stealth of someone like Hagakure by the sounds of it. “But it does make sense and Yaoyorozu’s plan... it’s the best one we got.”

“That’s not what I’m saying!” You try again. “It's that I don’t see our teachers—“

“Todoroki-san, I have one final concern!” Yaoyorozu exclaims, and Shouto squeezes your shoulders before he turns around.

Your heart fell as they arranged the last details. They re-explained everything to you, and you nodded even so. Momo flashed a thumbs-up to wherever your teachers would be watching. You guys were the last ones to wrap up your plan after all. The siren blared and you followed behind Momo as the three of you took off.

The beginning position was a straight line. Using Shouto’s ice to your advantage, he would first freeze any of the villains on the same floor they were on. So not to alert the villains of them coming.

Momo was in the middle. She would provide any changes of action and anything the two of you may need to make sure this was a smooth run.

You made up the back. You would take down anyone else who may have been successful in getting trapped. So far things had worked out fine, the three of you continued clearing floors with little to no issue. Begrudgingly, you had to admit Momo had been right. Still, there was something about all this that made you uneasy.

As you continue climbing, you couldn’t help the guilt that soaked through your bones. Because so far, Momo had been correct at every call. It was the twentieth floor and you hadn’t been needed once, and to be honest, you were zoning out. Momo had been assisting Shouto for the most part. Creating loud noises as diversions for Shouto to capture them. Shouto would then use his fire as you climbed the staircases.

Soon, all you did was follow behind them, you hadn’t been needed once.

It isn’t until floor twenty-seven when something happens. A sudden yell from Momo alerts you and a large piece of concrete is hurtling towards you. With no time to dodge, you tense your body as it crashes into you. You’re sent flying, and you gasp as it hurts to breathe. You get up to your feet as you peer at the villain in front of you. A clone of Cementoss but with an anger issue that made Bakugou seem like Miss Japan.

You look at Momo and Shouto who are halfway towards the stairwell. Their bodies ready to fight and you wave them off. You had this covered. They needed to save up their quirks anyways. They nod as they turn and leave. You could feel the discontent in Shouto as he disappears into the stairwell.

The battle between you and Cementoss is loud and ugly. You try your best at keeping this quiet and secretive, but he continues to rip concrete from the walls. Hurtling it towards you without breaking a sweat.

It takes a while, but you finally manage to reduce the Cementoss into a rag doll. Someone could make copies of people as long as they made a doll that looked like them. So that was what the villains were in this. But your eyes focused in on the damage around you, smart villains your ass. You took off running after your team, and you winced at the feeling of the bruise that was sure to form on your ribcage.

The next two floors have been cleared in the time it took you to catch up. Currently. Momo and Shouto were facing off every single teacher at U.A., their backs towards you.

“I thought we agreed to make battles silent!” Shouto yelled as you enter the twenty-ninth floor. There’s an annoyance on his face as his quirk deletes and he’s forced to dodge a wave of attacks. Your eyes are on Momo who is trying to get herself out of harm's way. But as you said before, she wasn’t quite the best on spot fighter.

So with a tight throat, you raced in to help.

It took another five minutes of intensive fighting. Finally, the three of you panted at the sight of the lifeless dolls now scattered before you. Momo had an injury though. She had taken a rather nasty punch from the All Might doll that you had overwhelmed earlier. You thought you had it defeated, but you were wrong on that assumption.

Shouto has her arm around his shoulder. He was silent as he went to the staircase, and you followed afterward your head low.

At the top floor, Present Mic stood bound to the chair, alone, and excited to see the three of you. You sighed as Momo untied him, but something didn’t feel right. You couldn’t understand why there was no alarm for your victory.

You may not be a strategist, but your damn instincts were fantastic. Something was moving in the shadows... your skin crawled as you heard something whiz through the air.

It seemed that both Momo and Shouto had finally caught up to where your thoughts were. Yet you were the only one to react to the knife that was coming towards Momo. You intercepted the knife with your body as you topple over from the hit. Why was U.A. so merciless?

Damn, having Recovery Girl made these matches brutal sometimes.

Your eyes scanned the darkness of the room. Present Mic’s yapping makes it hard for you to focus but you suppress his voice. The voices of Momo and Shouto now silent in your ears. Nothing they could say was going to fix the fact that they had been wrong, and you had been right. You moreover wanted to be the team that won.

Then you hear it, the slight clicking that made your skin crawl the first time. Sending your energy to your hand, you used your quirk, sending it out. Your energy materialized, glowing as it held a Principal Nezu doll by its throat, a machine in his hand.

The alarm sounds.

“Team G has passed.”

You don’t turn around to your team members who are most likely concerned for you. It’s too much. So you walk away, knife still embedded in your side, bruises scattering your body, and pride hurt.

You ignore their calls as you head to the stairwell. You knew that Shouto was going to help Momo down anyways, as he always did, as he always will.

*•*•*•*

You flinch as Recovery Girl slams her shot onto your head. “You need to find a better way of stopping knives that isn’t with your body!” She huffs, her face red and angry as she stares at you. “Between you and Midoriya, I’m going to break out in the hives while watching you two fight!”

You laugh as you try to downplay her rightful worries. You have been known to stop flying projectiles with your body. “It makes me feel superheroic!” You tease as her hands tighten the bandage around your torso, the force of it making you flinch.

“Heroic? More like idiotic! You’re going to get yourself killed!”

“Well, they weren’t listening to me anyway… and Yaomomo was hurt! I didn’t have the energy to use my quirk at the moment, and I couldn’t let her get hurt…!” You sigh as you shift your costume back into place.

Recovery Girl sighs, her fingers pinching her nose as she shakes her head. “You’re going to make an excellent hero, y/l/n, but you need to have faith in your own judgment to other people. You can’t let others drown you out when you have caused to worries about your own.”

You nod your head, you knew that. But it wasn’t fun trying to interrupt when it was Momo’s master plan.

You eventually leave her office, your body sore, but no longer in pain. You enter the hallway to see Shouto waiting for you, no longer in costume, but in his uniform.

“Are you okay?” Shouto asks as he walks over to you, concern in his face. His fingers graze your face, but you turn your head. You didn’t want this from him right now. A short sigh escapes his mouth as his hands drop to his sides again. “I’m sorry.”

You blink away tears as you stare at him, “For what, Shouto?”

“For a lot of things,” Shouto has a sad smile as he runs a hand through his locks. “First, for yelling at you today, that was unacceptable of me. There weren’t that many dolls there when we first entered. Then you shook the building and they multiplied, and I wrongly blamed you.”

You scoff as you rub away your tears, “Yeah, that one hurt.”

“I’m also sorry for not taking your own thoughts about the strategy into consideration.” Shouto continues and you let yourself succumb to your need of being held. Shouto wraps his arms around you tightly, his hands rubbing your back.

“It hurts, y-you know…” Your voice cracks as you shake your head against his warm chest. “You’re my fucking boyfriend, but sometimes you don’t care about anything I have to contribute! You believe Yaomomo, so, so, much… and I don’t blame you! It’s just so… shitty when y-you don’t believe in me the same way!”

“I’m sorry…”

“But are you? Are you saying this to make me feel better right now? Or do you genuinely mean it? Shouto, I know you love me, and that’s not what my issue is here! It’s just... when I see the way you treat her opinions in comparison to my own… it really sucks! I get that you trust her, but would it hurt you to trust me too?!”

You can’t keep the sobs in you anymore as you cry in his chest, the bleeding wound in your heart no longer able to be withheld. You’re tired of feeling insecure to a girl you knew Shouto didn’t love. You're tired of being bitter because he did love you! Shouto loves you so much but you think that it should make him more lenient towards your ideas.

The sobs become spluttered cries as Shouto presses soft kisses against your face. Everywhere and anywhere. Apologizes on his tongue as he lets you cry.

“I never wished to make you feel insecure about your ability as an individual.” Shouto states as your sobs become gasping breathes as you try to keep calm. “I love you more than anything, y/n. You’ve always been such a strong, capable individual. I never expected you needed my approval. Yaoyorozu still worries me from our finals from our first year, and so most of my support is a habit. My love, you’re amazing, and I’m sorry I haven’t been telling you that enough or showing you that enough.”

You let out a shaky groan as you’re feeling slightly better, but you still don’t wish to let go. “…you should tell me that more often, but I’m sorry for everything I did today…”

“You did nothing wrong.”

“It didn’t seem like that...”

“Well your boyfriend is a fucking idiot when he’s stressed, he is the worst.”

“Don’t give him a hard time,” You giggle slightly and blush at the sound of his heartbeat picking up from your laughter. “He was being an amazing friend.”

You let his hands cup your cheeks and your eyes closed as his lips touch yours. It’s soft, sweet, loving, and laced with a million apologies. You want more out of it. Your arms wrapping around his neck as your mouth is ready to drop in opening for him. But gasp from Momo interrupts the two of you.

You look to see Momo and Jirou standing together, and there’s a blush on Momo’s cheeks. “I came to see how you were doing, y/l/n-chan, but you’re both busy! We’re sorry!” Momo gasps as she tugs Jirou away who’s giving the two of you a thumbs up.

You laugh at they round about the corner and Shouto sighs. “Now where were we?” He asks, a smirk on his face.

You roll your eyes as you bunch his shirt into your hands, and tug him down for a kiss.

#todoroki shouto #todoroki shoto x reader #todoroki x reader #todoroki shouto x reader #todoroki shoto imagine #todoroki scenario #bnha writing blog #bnha #bnha x reader #bnha todoroki #mha #mha x reader #mha todoroki #todoroki fluff #todoroki angst

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cornwaiidesu · 3 years

Text

a boohoo-y deep dive into my ~psyche~ cuz I had A Moment at work yesterday :P

I care too much about what people think of me. plain and simple. I have been this way since I was a little girl. my cousins would pick on me because I was the special baby girl out of the three of us and they were the two older boys. they would pick on me for being shy and soft spoken and liking girl things, and I wanted them to like me because I thought the two of them were the coolest boys in the world, so I grew to be a little tomboy. I wanted to like fighting games, and anime, and comics because those were "boy things".

but then when puberty started to set in, being a tomboy wasn't cute anymore. at least according to the bullies I had in middle school. usually boys who would call me a d*ke and make fun of me for wearing baggy t-shirts and loose pants and my dad's army jacket every single day of my life. "girls are supposed to be feminine" so obviously something had to be *wrong* with me and they would speculate shit about me directly in front of me. try to engage me in the conversation just to rub it in and of course that made me feel like shit.

so then in high school I try to flip the switch again. I start wearing tighter fitting clothes. I grow my hair out because I was constantly being dogged on my hairstyle even tho that shit was kind of REVOLUTIONARY FOR A 12 YEAR OLD LIVING IN IOWA. PROPS TO TEENAGE MRH. even back then I was a little punk. :3c I digress tho.

the beginning of high school was when I started my curse that lives on in me. I wear earrings every day of my life and I do because I convinced myself back then that I would be mistaken for a boy otherwise. and I still hold that fear because it was upheld! I started wearing dresses and skirts to school, but it didn't matter because dudes would still flip me shit and say that I was a predatory lesbian and strip me of my femininity. adults would still call me young man and sir despite being a 16 year old wearing make up, denim skirts, earrings, and covered in beaded necklaces. I would wear SO much jewelry to try to get it through people's minds that I was a girl.

but then through that came another weird thing where, like, though I was dressing ~feminine~ I was still "one of the guys" because I had a crude sense of humor and still liked comics and anime and wasn't as, for lack of a better word, "delicate" as my other (white) female friends. but then AGAIN I *couldnt* be one of the guys because it was a secret special task force essentially and I was just a stupid girl.

a lot of that fucked up my sense of self with my sexuality growing up too. I knew at a fairly early age that I was bisexual even though I didn't know there was a word for it, but I didn't want to admit to liking girls because that would mean my bullies were right about me, and if they were right about that then what if they were right about all the other horrible stuff they said about me being hideous, and gross, and weird?

because! if that was right too! a boy would never fall in love with me and have dance sex with me like Johnny and Baby do in Dirty Dancing! or would never save me from being sacrificed like Rick saves Evie in The Mummy! I'd be alone forever because boys would think I was big ugly butch with no value to them, and girls would think I was a predator and would always have to be on their guard to make sure I wasn't gawking and fawning over them. (and let's not even GET into how my religion fucked up my sense of morality about this. I have since grown out of it at least.)

every person I ever confessed to having a crush on has turned me down (mostly politely though, thank god) in my life except for one and a half. (one said they also liked someone else as much as they liked me, and since I had no self-esteem at 18 I was like "oh that's cool. let's date anyway." because I just wanted to have a boyfriend. that's the half.)

the other we kind of connected right away, whirlwind romance for me, but I don't think they ever quite felt the same way and that ended in an actual divorce anyway.

I've had three "relationships" my whole entire life and no more than that, and in my head i told myself thag was because I am fat, and ugly, and MASCULINE, no matter how hard I tried to be sweet and charming and pretty.

as I've aged I've learned about the systematic de-feminization of black women since all the way back to slavery times and shit and I won't claim to be an expert about that shit but it makes me cry that it's just ingrained into people's minds. it doesn't give us a single fighting chance from birth. it makes me feel like I'm going to be a lonely freak for the rest of my life because iowa is like one of the whitest places in the world, and my own internalized racism has convinced me all my life that I don't belong in black spaces because I'm not "authentic", I'm watered down. I've been called a half-breed and an oreo so many times.

I can't be black, I can't be white, I can't be a boy, I can't be a girl. I'm a copper penny in a jar full of nickels and dimes. I don't look the same, I'm not the same shape, and im not as shiny.

though I am attracted to women I have this OBSESSION with men, and to have a relationship with a man as PROOF. SOLID PROOF. that I am a valid woman, because there seems to be no other way for me to get the point across. and it's important for me to get the point across because I grew up with my business being the punchline, and curiosity of my peers, and the concern of my family. I couldn't exist without speculation from someone.

and then came a moment last year while I was at work, where a co-worker told me something that a person in another department who I did not get along with had told them. that I was a mean, jealous bitch who wanted them "out of the way" because they were getting too close to my friend that also worked at our store, and I was obsessed and in love with her and trying to stop a relationship from forming between the two of them. and it made me sick to my stomach. it was the thing I had been trying to steer clear from, from the moment I knew I was bisexual, but I hadn't tried hard enough. my anxiety shot through the roof. I had a panic attack. I broke down sobbing in the bathroom. this person was vengeful, I had nothing to do with them or that friend anymore, and I hadn't for months but they wanted to spread this rumor about me. and even if I truthfully denied it like I did, it didn't matter, because a person could take one look at me an think "you know, I can see that." because that's what people thought my entire fucking existence.

I cried off and on the rest of the day. I was too sick to eat dinner. I barely slept. and then I ended up puking what little food I had to eat that night anyway. I still barely ate the following few days I stayed home from work because I still felt so sick to my stomach with anxiety and at one point I got faint-ish when I had finally returned to work, and had to have help to get to the breakroom and force myself to eat. I bawled to my step-mother about it all, that I didn't feel comfortable at work anymore because it was just my words against theirs, and my bosses never held the person accountable for any of the other bullshit that they caused anyway.

it took me a VERY. long time to move past this incident. I think the only thing that ever ended up fully distracting me from it was covid and my uncle and my father's health both taking a turn for the worst last June. and even then, in between, I had such loooow moments. I self harmed and wrote mean notes to myself, stayed in bed for days. I wrote my own suicide note just to feel better, even though I knew I'd never do it. I was too chicken, but I just wanted to write it and pretend, just to release the depression pressure in my brain.

I've since been better for the most part. I know my parents love me and that I'm important to them, when just a few years ago I used to claim that I was an orphan because I was convinced that my father and my step-mother never cared to see me again because I was an ungrateful brat. I still get very lonely and long for a significant other but I'm kind of just coming to terms with the fact that unless I put myself out there, it won't happen, and im just too insecure to take the steps.

yesterday though, just for a second, out of nowhere, I thought about the claim that person had made about me even though the atmosphere at work has since changed, and things are patched up between me and my friend.

that gossiper is irrelevant now, but I couldn't help but have a little meltdown about it anyway because. like. apparently that's the vibe that I give off. because that's what everyone has said about me from day one of my life. and. I just. have to keep dealing with it. I'm stuck like this. and it sucks. and that little thought about it reminded me again.

#long post #very long post #personal #ignore me

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doctorhawke · 4 years

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all six of my oc hawkes in one big thing, i have an au where they are all a big happy family and run amok in kirkwall

below the cut theres “brief” bios for them all (including their names because my renditions of their handwriting might not be very legible) and a little chart showing more insight into their personality makeup

all the ages are from act 1, after a year in kirkwall, relative to carver and bethany’s 20 (fyi they both survive in this au and both become grey wardens. cannot IMAGINE that any of these hawkes would let one of their littlest siblings fight an ogre 1v1 when theres literally eight of them lmfao they tag team it like they do everything)

steve hawke- he/him, age 27, adopted by the hawkes at 8. steve is a mage, a healer, and a pacifist. as such when there are fights he will focus on incapacitating enemies without harming them (force magic and mind blast comes in handy) and especially on supporting the team through healing. he’s gay and immediately takes to anders, mainly because he spends a lot of time helping in his clinic.

he strongly believes in mage rights especially as malcolm imparted a lot of responsibility on him towards his younger mage siblings, nyx and bethany. he’s protective and a bit of a worrier, though as time goes on in kirkwall he becomes more and more exhausted, and starts to cope through making light of things. post-game, he and anders are on the run.

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kit hawke- he/him, age 24, bio kid, and a dual-wielding rogue. he’s bold, charming, and a bit of a pessimist- all of which kirkwall amplifies by virtue of being a crazy fucking city. kit is also pretty business minded and usually spearheads bone pit related shenanigans. varric (who deeply cares for all the hawkes of course) immediately takes to him and the two are inseparable.

kit is bi, and likes to have fun, though over time he falls for both isabela and fenris, and over time the three get together and become the most impressive trio you ever saw. all kit’s siblings are kind of like “are you serious dude, we have a limited number of friends and you end up with two of them? what about the rest of us” but considering the amount of drama and heartbreak kit undergoes over the years in relation to his love life, they all kind of figure he’s earned the happy ending. post-game the three of them become pirates on isabela’s ship and free slaves in between tracking down hidden treasure or whatever it is that pirates do, and they eventually have adorable baby twins.

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syl hawke- she/her, age 26, bio kid but only leandra’s, she actually is varric’s half sibling (though she does NOT know this and the sibling rivalry that develops upon them meeting is incomprehensible to the both of them). so syl is the shortest of the bunch, and looks a lot more like varric and bartrand than kit, carver, or bethany, despite them all being related.

syl’s the only warrior of the group (other than carver- a dynamic duo), fights with hammers exclusively, and has a tendency to be super intense. she doesn’t really get humor at all, in the rare case that she accidentally makes a joke and people laugh she assumes they’re laughing AT her. she’s also very shoot first and ask questions later, and the only hawke more protective than steve is. her big sister energy is off the charts and she’s prepared to kill any templar that so much as looks at her family. as such she’s staunchly pro-mage.

she’s a lesbian and has massive game despite not really being any good at flirting- it’s probably her sheer intensity. she and isabela have a brief fling, tallis is very taken with her, and she has a rivalry-fueled sexual tension with aveline for ages (the long road is a VERY fun quest to play through with syl). however she was always very supportive of and close with merrill and eventually the two fall in love. once they’re together they’re insanely sweet and have mega chemistry and i love them so fucking much. post-game they’re forced to leave kirkwall but end up living in the denerim alienage.

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lith hawke- she/her, age 25, adopted by the hawkes at 9 along with her twin nyx. an archer rogue, with speed taking precedence over power or precision. lith is a lot to take in okay. she’s the only one who’s pro-templar in the group, and is a rabid andrastian. back home in lothering her chantry beliefs were instrumental in keeping her family safe, as she not only knew every templar by name (as the whole family did) but also is endlessly trustworthy to them and to all the chantry sisters and mothers. countless times a templar might have come calling to take away one of her siblings or her father, but was dissuaded by lith- after all, little lith hawke would NEVER help hide apostates, right?

she supports her siblings because she believes that in the end their souls will be saved. (the only thing that freaks her out more than nyx’s blood magic is when syl casually drops that she’s thinking about converting to merrill’s religion.) she doesn’t trust mages if they aren’t related to her, and always advocates for the circle when given the chance. she’s best friends with fenris and they hang out a lot, more and more as the years pass. since merrill and anders both move into the hawke estate (which was already a bit of a circus, can you imagine the chaos?) lith finds herself more and more outnumbered ideologically and often escapes to fenris’ mansion for some quiet.

during the endgame, she sides against her family and the mages. she basically has a villainous breakdown. she helps them kill meredith and once it’s revealed that meredith had been influenced by the lyrium idol, lith’s whole worldview is pretty much shattered. post-game she leaves the city and seeks out her cousin, ash amell (i have eight wardens so im not going to get into this but basically my amell and my cousland (eve) are in a gay throuple with leliana and its dope as all hell). spending time with ash, eve, and leliana is very healing for her, but all her siblings assume she’s dead and she doesn’t see them for years after kirkwall.

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nyx hawke- they/them, age 25, adopted by the hawkes at 9 along with their twin lith. nyx is the blood mage of the group, and is an absolute icon quite frankly. they’re very chaotic, and especially close with kit, merrill, and isabela. nyx has a ton of fun fighting, and they and syl make an especially good team in combat. nyx always looks up to syl and its very sweet, and syl is the only one in the family who never once messed up nyx’s pronouns (everyone is very good about this of course, and by kirkwall its a non-issue, but even lith slipped up once or twice early on).

they have very noodly arms because they’ve never had to worry about fighting hand to hand when running out of mana, because of the blood magic. this leads to quite a bit of teasing but tbh they pull it off. nyx is bi and has a thing with isabela for a short while but in the end they’re better as best friends.

nyx and lith are very close. they’re often perfectly in sync when doing things, especially in combat, and have that twin esp thing going on which can get spooky at times. however they also bicker a lot, and obviously clash on ideology pretty much constantly. though this is the norm nyx always assumed they would have each other’s backs no matter what when it came down to the nitty gritty, and lith’s betrayal during the endgame is really heartbreaking for them.

over the years anders and nyx do a lot of collaborating when it comes to mage rights. they help him polish his manifesto, and smuggle mages out of the gallows. the only real reason nyx isn’t brought into the loop on the chantry explosion was a mixtures of anders’ crushing guilt and his knowledge that if he told nyx and not steve, steve would be really hurt. (however he couldn’t tell steve because he didn’t want the deaths to be on steve’s conscience- anders knows he definitely would have helped if it came down to that). post-game nyx goes on to be one of the leaders of the mage rebellion.

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lou hawke- he/him, age 22, adopted by the hawkes at 10. hes a cowboy and i love him. an archer rogue, he prioritizes powerful firing over speed or precision. he’s a massive sweetheart, terminally polite, and has massive ears that he’s self-conscious of and tries to cover with his hair. however whenever his hair gets long enough to cover them leandra starts poking and prodding him to get a trim and he’s always too soft to refuse for long, beginning the cycle again (and after leandra is murdered he always keeps his hair to her liking- he gets weepy if it grows too long). he’s the only hawke i’ve drawn without his in-game outfit because this fucking game doesn’t have cowboy hats or cute shirts with tassles and i do what i want.

lou also plays instruments, he’s got a guitar and a harmonica and plays the piano passably. he IS the piano man in the eyes of the hanged man’s patrons. sing us a song, they tell him, etc. he manages ten minutes of harmonica in the deep roads, citing excellent acoustics, until anders tells him to stop because the darkspawn will hear. when the hawkes get rich lou buys a horse and goes for morning rides out on the wounded coast.

lou is bi, and runs around for years with a massive crush on isabela but that doesn’t exactly work out. he ends up with jethann (theres a lot of lore here but suffice it to say its extremely tender) and post-game they leave kirkwall and end up owning a ranch not far outside denerim. lou hires lots of farmhands that end up looking to him as a father figure and its super sweet, and jethann refuses to do manual labor.

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this got insanely long i am SO sorry flkjsdlkgjlkcxjglsfkd

feel free to send any asks relating to them because i really love this family so much and could talk about them forever dlfskjlxcjglskd if you couldnt tell from this diatribe

#six fanarts #six fanarts challenge #dragon age #dragon age 2 #custom hawke #hawke #steve hawke #kit hawke #syl hawke #lith hawke #nyx hawke #lou hawke #extended hawke family au #my art #my posts #oc lore

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abbeyfangirl · 5 years

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dragon age: all characters (companions)

I’ve been in this fandom for a hot minute now and I want to update my opinions on characters :)

Origins

Alistair: super sweet dude who literally is not the stereotypicalchantryguyfightme. He’s a great example of healthy masculinity and I totally wish he was bi because I have an entire essay on that— also: he’s a poc! His mum was brown. In game he’s got dark features. if you really want a blond/blue-eyes/white guy, make your warden that. or accept that brown people can be noble and moral. or just draw cailan, idk. just because BioWare whitewashes doesn’t mean you should.

Leliana: someone hug my singing girlfriend before I crush her under with my own hugs. Also: nugs. Yes! Shoes. Yes! She likes how I style my hair? YES!! I honestly think she’s super duper and it pisses me off whenever someone’s like: yeah she enjoys killing people and the Game. ok. and michel de chevin willingly participated in genocidal marches through the alienage he grew up in with his elvhen mum.

Morrigan: dirty swamp witch that i stan and also have a v big crush on. tiddies. Have a son with a GW so we can raise him with our tiddies out in the forest. she’s also white-passing, as her father was chasind and all people we’ve seen that are chasind are black. therefore, she is biracial. therefore, poc can be goths and don’t shy away from giving morrigan a darker skintone. if the devs had of been thinking, she’d have a darker skintone.

Zevran: Actually is the best romance, I think. Loves consent, therefore I will stan him so hard my skull cracks a little. Also: he is a very brown boy and if he’s white in da4 I’m seriously going to throw all canon out the fucking window. genuinely a good person who needs to be told so.

Wynne: grandma who only likes my friends who go to church. but also super sweet and I’d rest my head on her bosom (in a platonic way omg ZEVRAN)

Sten: angry quiet boi. the bestest boi. I totally would give him a kitten for a gift and bake him cookies. Thicc softie. I think if I had DA:O and i knew how to use mods i would mod the fuck outta him. sorry.

Sha(y)le: who’s gender? idk her. See also: fuck birds and authority. pound ur ass into the ground you feathery meatbag little shits. fuck songbirds.

Dog: such a good boi. thicc. thinks Alistair is a whiny fuck and is Morrigan’s only friend. love him. he’s the cutest companion. bet.

Ohgren: honestly forgot about him bcc he’s such a shitbag. also: he could’ve been a really cool addiction recovery type but NOPE. probably would have a trump shirt in a modern au and would catcall wlw and hit mlm. no thanks.

Awakening

Anders: he acts like rlly straight but he’s so gay I can smell it. also he’s rlly cute and fun and I love him so much.

Justice: MAYBE i’M selF CONSCious OF THE twitchING. is the friend that genuinely doesn’t get dick jokes but is ur 110% ride or die.

Nathaniel Howe: honestly is sort of a white knight/neck beard a little, but it’s kind of charming with his whole velanna m’lady?? grump boi. annoying soul patch that I’d mod out SO FAST—

Sigrun: would have ROMANCED the FUCK out of her. why she even entertains the idea of fucking with ohgren makes me realize most of the writers are dumbfucks.png. peppy little emo. 12/10 would die if she kissed my cheek teasingly.

Ohgren: why. why. why. I’d have brought Shayle over. Maybe Zev? Definitely Dog.

Velanna: she was written to be an annoying feminist and you can tell but I deadass am a kindred spirit with her bcc I too am deadpan annoyed with Thedas’ general population too. love her. Would’ve loved to romance her. She’d totally be one of those who’d get all tsundere and be like “n-no i hate you” *kisses the fuckin soul out of you then blushes so hard she’s now a tomato*

Dragon Age II

Anders: fuck the cops. i don’t care. fuck the cops. (vine reference). also: do i hate him for blowing up the chantry that would eventually annul a huge collection of his people? no. read dalishious’s meta on Anders. v intriguing. didn’t they retcon the fuck out of the reported deaths too? like there was like eight Templars and Elthinia in there. Templars killed more “abominations” in a day than Anders in the game canon—

Aveline: initially thought she was fine and then realized she’s shit to my lil brother and I will fucking clap her ginger ass. See also: whorephobia isn’t a joke so fuck off with treating Isabela badly, you tit.

Bethany: sunshine. Literal sunshine. I feel my freckles grow in her presence and i love it. she’s my little baby sister and I’d slam that ogre so fuckin hard before it touched either twin.

Carver: there has to be a mod where both twins survive. I love them both to bits. My babies. carver is my bitter, angry little brother and I can relate because I too am very angry and would totally clap my own ass. hes so genuine and I don’t get the competition between Beth and Carver. Like, both are fuckin stellar in different ways. In this essay I will—

Fenris: honestly, I don’t get the general hate between him and Anders. Fenris’ main arc should’ve been a recovery arc, not drunken moping and revenge. he deserves better. give him a soft sweater instead of his spikes and let him love himself as much as I love him for MAKERS SAKE. like when you really think about their relationship, it could’ve been an eye-opener for fenris and finally some legit sympathy for anders. but we all know that if they had of teamed up that Meredith would’ve been dead before the end of Act 1 so.

Isabela: whorephobia is not a joke. oversexualizing your only appearing brown woman is so poorly written. how about we appreciate her and her lovely bosoms but also let people tease her about her heart of gold? her innate understanding of freedom? instead of just a wave of dick? please?? can we give her some pants for when she fights? can we accept that i fall for rogues who hate themselves?? fuck. also whomever draws her x femHawke x Merrill literally is after my own heart.

Merrill: my fucking babygirl MARRY ME. Fenris could’ve been her older brother type, but NO. she and Isabela should’ve been canonical gfs instead of Isabela/Fenris (no shaming the pairing tho!!). I love how she’s written as neurodivergent. V nice. Sometimes I just look her up and cry because she’s fucking everything. Also: she’s in the Dalish origin and she’s far from being white. Why did they make the most innocent/naïve character really white? hmmmm.

Sebastian: whew that boy. Would totally be that annoying Mormon at your door but you still let him in bcc he’s super sweet. Also: huge ass bible thumper and should get his head slap because you said the maker loved all his children why do you defend a complicit old hag you annoying attractive fuck—

Varric: totally is a bard and the devs couldn’t handle the idea of him being one bcc it might make him look less straight. is the only grey morality person I don’t want to fucking bash in with a fry pan. he sees people and I like that, but you totally know he’s siding with mages every time bcc him and Anders are like besties. I’m sorry. I don’t make the rules. “Professional Younger Brother”.

Tallis: I know nothing about her but she seems okay. I think she was an escaped slave and honestly? Fucking props. Spy on a shitting organization, idk what you’re doing, but your VA was that cool lesbian from SPN so I think ur okay?

Inquisition

Blackwall: Redemption Arc 101. Love him to bits. Sad dad bunwall. good man. actually atoned for his sins by actively becoming a good person. his initial design is 80% hotter im so sorry but so not.

Cassandra: was way browner in the last game. would romance the fuck outta her. I love me a butch lady who melts at my dorky recitation of poetry. BioWare is a coward. also is the worst choice for divine. but not a bad person. could use some more guidance or get her ass whipped by a dalish elf about religion or a circle mage kid whos like “yeah bud i didn’t ask for the templars to whip my ass everyday for existing.”

The Iron Bull: I think the Qunari/Vashoth were a little based off black people (the whole anti blackness thing where ppl are scared of them bcc of whatever reason) and it pisses me off that he had a weird ass dubcon thing with Dorian in banter. It doesn’t make sense— he’s an A+++ dom and would not jump straight in role play without at least checking in at first like wtf BioWare.

Cole: his mother was chasind so he’s like not supposed to be that white? or like biracial? albino? idk. love him to bits tho. He’s neurodivergent and I deadass love him. romancing him? idk. I see why ppl think it’s fuckin nasty but also like as a writer I’d age him the fuck up so fast before my inquisitor even THOUGHT about that. like idk. I’m down with him being a sweet little bro character tho. he’s a babe. love him.

Sera: had the worst fucking writer I’ve ever seen and I willingly read the twilight saga twice by a shit ass racist white lady who okay’d pedophilia. like. Fuck you Kristjanson suck your own dick you fuck. had the worst options in regards to speak to her. has a thicc case of internalized racism that literally most of the fandom just loves to use against her. my lesbian neurodivergent queen. Would write a thousand fix it fics for her. Love her to bits. im gay.

Varric: I haven’t played DA2 so i don’t get why everyone wants to romance him but like. a dwarf romance? yes please. Idk he reminds me of my uncle so I only see him as fun uncle material. Deadass should adopt Cole and Merrill and co parent with Blackwall for Sera. dads? fuck yeah. love me some wholesome, present fathers.

Dorian: is a gay stereotype that I love/hate so much. and he’s also just as bad about being a creep bcc he sexualizes qunari men (in banter). I attribute that to shit writing tho. I want to protect him from all the “omg gay best friend!” people. he’d clearly be that tired gay that wouldn’t give a diddly damn about ur het romance. wanna talk about politics? he’s ur guy/gay.

Solas: “me, an intellectual:”. I don’t hate him, but I’m not about him. He comes off as mysterious and suave (which he totally is) but I deadass would not save him from himself because he’s a racist, exclusionist eggshell. idk. not my cup of tea, but I can totally see the appeal. And he’s interesting, I’ll totally say that. “I think the Dalish are garbage but they made you” is not a compliment. it’s so offensive. and such bait for “quirky girls” which I’m no fan of. Would be Achilles and let Patroclus (Lavellan in his case) die before he realized how his pride is literally a waste of time. If he gets a redemption arc I hope Lavellan gets to slap him before getting him to teach all about ancient Arlathan and show that the Evanuris weren’t all total dicknozzles. (Aka I really have a hard time believing that they’d be slavery cult things. especially since they’ve compared elves to indigenous ppl, Jews and the Romani.)

Vivienne: it’s so racist that they’d make a black woman be pro-slavery. That’s such internalized racism. She could’ve been the cool ass “educate yourself first before you speak, fool” ice lady, but NO. the devs could’ve kept the “Templars are a tool that I proudly can mandate” and the “circles are very good education” and we. Could. Have. Romanced. Her. Like. Fuck. Sake. I just wanna give her a hug and say “love yourself omg!!” and not even in a romantic way. Also: she and morrigan should not have been so antagonistic towards each other. I’d expect them to have great respect for each other, as they both moved up in the world through hardwork and very little help. They could learn different magic from each other too and still maintain that rival respect “oh you” mood. Sidenote: probably the cooler option for Divine. if her approval is high enough she’ll love and be loyal to you forever and i can’t see her agenda being bad. she improves the circles exponentially and tells all the antis to suck her pretty painted toes.

Josephine: an actual disney princess. romanced her my first playthrough. I love her so much. she just makes me so happy. And she’s like: “Integrity, Loyalty, peace. That is what it means to be a GREY WARDEN good fucking person.” she’s the person who would let you hold her hand if you got anxious and she’d be that person who shouldered the whole group project with finesse and poise and would probably lie for everyone as to not be mean. i love josie. her and leliana’s relationship is so cute, too. whether it’s romantic or not: women supporting women.

Leliana: if you leave her hardened you must hate her. why. she becomes so against herself. i like how shes feminine and lighthearted because that’s so powerful-- to remain hopeful when the world is hopeless. (its hard to know when to soften her/harden her so i get it but. google it. she deserves to be happy and sweet again.)

Cullen: uwu war criminal with shit ass “redemption arc” that was actually a half-assed (at BEST) recovery arc. Recovery isn’t linear, it isn’t pretty, and even the broken need to be told they are wrong in order to heal right. Like I’m offended by that bullshit. I’ve had to do some mental health recovery in the past and unlearning lots of toxic ideologies— which I’m still unlearning— and it bothers me that he gets an easy pass because he’s hot. It’s one thing if you like Cullen, it’s another thing if you hold him accountable.

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sev-wildfang · 5 years

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yea, bright red bow ties are super fucking tacky BUT tacky shit only ever looks bad if you dont want to wear it. if you can go outside owning your look (or stay inside in it because youre not an outside kinda person), the number of things that actually look “bad” is very little.

(rambly thoughts about “passing” and personal fee-fees under the cut)

also like as an aside, i never thought i could even try my hand at masculine presentation until i cut my hair short to fix the side cut i had and got my (to quote an anonymous fan message) “shitty lesbian trender bowl cut” - and it all kinda fell into place. what had been holding me back was this notion that if i somehow play along with all those arbitrary expectations of femininity, then the arbiters of gender would validate me as a woman, and i was so desperate for that approval that i suppressed what i actually wanted against better knowledge! i knew other girls like me were butches! i am dating one! it just took that kinda moment for me to realize that someone like me would never get full approval from cis people, that i would never “pass” as one of them, and that “passing” is a system of punishment that was affecting me by making me contort myself into someone i really wasnt. because the thing is: no matter how good you play their game, theyre never gonna let you win, not on account of how well you did, but because it is set up to make trans people suffer. it’s not a game that can be won. the choices are to mock the rules, or to reject them. and i reject them.

im not a feminine woman, and no amount of perfomance was ever gonna make me more of one. im a woman of my own will, not by the judgement of others. im not a feminine lesbian. im a butch dyke and i feel the most at home in myself being that and wearing that on my sleeve, and i will never not be proud of that.

i make fascist foot troops foam at the mouth, both because some of them think im cis and want to bone me, and because a lot of them want to come into my posts and my inbox and tell me to kill myself and whatnot - and im not gonna say i dont mind, but i certainly won’t listen to “raduterus1488″ when literally everyone i engage with on a day-to-day basis can tell im living my best life, deliciously, and supports me.

also i literally cant just KMS when i got houseplants, an unfinished webcomic and a wife like cmon now

#long text #my face #ramble ramble #butch #transmisogyny #passing

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gotatext · 5 years

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yo, im not gonna lie guys, im super drunk, so this bio is like.... completely ocpy and pasted but;.... pls plot with me..... im so excited to bring this baby here.... i feel it is the perfect place to write her and i hven’t had the chance to in so long ..... love me..... and greta........ please im so excited this is back, last time i played jack..... n willow??? i think....... maybe archie too...... dont even remember...... who i fuckin played..... but i was here...... and queer..... loud..... and proud..... god this dumb bitch needs to sleep.....

GRETA O'DRISCOLL

20. born in marfa, texas. luvs wearing gingham print dresses and cowboy boots. vert into art and pornography, and particularly the combination of the two. wants to do a PHD on gender studies and female autonomy in porn.

( kristine froseth | she / her | cisfemale ) hey, you hear ( young lady, you’re scaring me by ron gallo ) playing over on the ( rv lot ) ? that’s where ( greta o'driscoll ) lives! i heard they moved in from ( marfa, texas ) exactly ( four months ) ago. they’re very ( zealous ) but also pretty ( erratic ). maybe that’s why davie keeps calling them the ( libertine ). starlit is full of people, but this ( 20 ) year old is really going to liven things up around here! ( nora | 23 | she / her | gmt )

personality: easy-going, deceptive, manipulative, self-reliant, profound, amiable, nihilistic, self-serving, laid back, independent unmotivated, self-corrupting, charming, lazy, impulsive, alluring.

likes: art, music, philosophy, DC comics, arcade games, candyfloss, fish and chips on the beach, deep red lipstick, marijuana, dogs, Kate Moss, late-night strolls, chemistry, suspenders, cigarettes, herbal tea, gallows humour, cold coffee, long showers, brown eyes, tchaikovsky, dr. seuss, DJ sets, magnolias.

dislikes: bananas, coffee, mental mathematics, children, misogyny, the imaginary future, literature, Wes Anderson films

muse tag

aesthetics: a bubble of pink gum on chapped lips, mom jeans, a beaten up pair of adidas, strawberry laces, knee-highs, chapped lips, split knuckles, bruises you try to cover with concealer, stick and poke tattoos, sleep caught in your eyes on a lazy afternoon, alien conspiracy theories and sci-fi paperbacks, doc martens with fraying laces, the red string of a thong peaking out purposely from jeans, a rucksack permanently packed for the move, a streak of red across your lips, roller blades, cut knees, not eating your greens, smiling with a mouthful of blood, feet pounding the earth until your soles bleed crimson, sleeping in a cherry lip balm and scrunchies to keep the wild locks from your eyes.

cliffsnotes on biography

- she’s called greta (under witness protection), and she’s a serial dater. she’s incredibly restless and doesn’t settle. before she came to seattle, she’d lived in 8 different cities in 3 years. born into a single-parent house with two older sisters so always surrounded by women and as a teenager she often let boys walk all over her bc she just craved male attention - every place she goes, she becomes a new character, someone who’s a figment of her imagination, as if each city is repertory theatre and she’s a character actress, so as a result everyone from her past views her as a completely different person depending on when she met them. - she’s been involved in a series of destructive relationships because when people discover she’s not who she pretends to be she often gets explosive and defensive. - (tw gun) she’s now under witness protection and moved to connecticut because she shot a previous boyfriend in self-defence and his family are trying to have her done for murder, but she got tired of being moitored so is now even on the run from the police / her faked identity. - easy to get along with (provided you don’t anger, provoke or question her too much) because she WANTS your character to be entralled by her and will do whatever it takes to win them over. she wants everyone to love her - big into sports. big into gender politics. big into art. does a lot of art installation pieces to do with female and queer bodies. massive feminist. low key quite scared of powerful men bcos of her ex. wants to start a female only lesbian commune. big fan of the honey bee.

full biography

trigger warnings: drugs, domestic abuse, gun.

you never meant for it to happen. you’d heard the stories, of girls who let their man walk all over them, and thought to yourself “i’ll never be one of those girls…” the kind that eat low-fat yoghurt and drink slim fast to shred a few extra pounds because he said she was getting round in the tummy, or the ones who spent their evenings tied to a kitchen sink drinking wine while him and the boys played poker, wishing god, if only I could get out of here. not you, not you raised by strong women, four bright shining beacons. single mother with her hard-as-nails attitude and her stony glares, elder sisters (twins) one ginger, one blonde, one doctor, one lawyer, both determined to take a bullet to the brain and a hammer to the patriarchy before they let a man touch them without asking. you were always so inferior, so insecure and small, like a bird (like a sparrow) with blonde plaits down your back sucking tropicana whilst your bosom buds sucked dick, their lips permanently ripe with stories of their sexual exploits, fake tan and glittered nails whilst you sat in the unbroken egg of virginity wondering what it was like to be loved. one day you found out.

lily milligan’s parents gone and a free house for the night, bottles of ouzo and tequila swiped from your mother’s liquor cabinet thinking she wouldn’t know (she always knew) your legs, hardened from pep squad, slut dropping on a kitchen table because the boys thought it would be fun to get the quiet girl drunk. you’d never had a sip before that night. band t-shirts, denim shorts and the split soles of rotten converse that you refuse to let go of, you still clutched with both hands to your youth, but in a tube top now (borrowed from alice carmichael who had a sister in college) and a short tennis skirt, your feet not in trainers but in thigh-high boots. uncomfy as hell but lily said you needed to look sexy. you didn’t know if you wanted to be sexy. you didn’t know what kind of girl you were, if you were even a girl at all. but robbie looked at you like he knew exactly who you were, like he knew you better than you knew yourself, and his lips had the pink cupid’s bow of a movie star, and his hair was dark locks, curling like a mane. his hands were soft, and suddenly on your waist, and after three more shots his lips were on yours and his name was the only sound in your head and on your lips as you lost it in lily’s college sister’s bedroom beneath the glare of a T-Pain poster. you bled for what seemed like hours, his hand still in yours, kissing on the sofa as truth tellers and daredevils continued to spin a bottle of unprecedented youth. you thought it was love. robbie was the one. he loved you, you knew it, how else could someone be so soft? but soon he grew bored, scrunched up your paper heart and set it alight. then came the tears, the hatred, the ‘fuck robbie, in fact, fuck all boys.’ and that you did.

you were known for being easy. any boy could be yours for a night, as long as he promised to love you for those few short breaths and pants before you cried yourself to sleep. you felt poisoned, but poisonous as well, as if by ensnaring these young boys you were gaining power over them, and not the other way around. soon it started to work. they’d want more, but you’d deny them it, sick of sucking off silly schoolboys, they’d call you a tease, a vixen. maybe you were, but you couldn’t help but want older men. you got the history teacher first time, him bending you over his desk to sneak a hand up your tennis skirt as the after-school clubs carried on next door, unawares. love didn’t exist, not for you. it was nothing but a game for pretty young girls to play, bubble gum in their canines and a hand tugging at the hem of their cheer skirt.

there was so much anger inside of your small body, ‘beware of boys and their hook-like words’. hockey helped. there was something formidable about the feeling of a stick like a weapon in your hands and the thwack it made against thighs in the heat of a scrum - “slipped, sorry!” - you’d utter with a snakeskin smile, millicent quinn knowing that you’d hit her on purpose because she shagged robbie at that party last week. she couldn’t prove it, cobbled acne on her forehead turning green with disgust. ben came into your life like a car crash. two years your senior, with a baseball jacket and shoulders like a god. he became your personal hero. on the pitch, he was lethal. together, you could bring anyone to their ruin. each day after last period he’d be waiting in his car. you’d leap into his arms like a girl-half starved, love me, love me, love me, your heated kisses the envy of every junior girl. he was yours for three blissful years, utterly yours, and you were his, his star-spangled girl, and he was your knight - you were both the same, playing games, always difficult to predict. it was a shock to all when he proposed, high-school sweethearts find love in south dakota.

the engagement was a bittersweet affair; three months – you barely out of your gingham print skirts and into a graduation gown, him, a surly quarterback towering above your sisters, cigarette at his lips and a scowl like a fart in a lift. they hated him. so did you. but you were eighteen and in love, and he fitted the cookie cutter mould. everyone wanted him, and you had him. you had him and you were happy, happy, happy, and he loved you. he said he’d give you the world, anything you wanted hand-picked and given to you. instead, he gave you a jack russell terrier and a flat you couldn’t swing a cat in, wallpaper peeling like the rotten bits inside of you, the bits that only he knew. and you got tireder and tireder of the sad excuse of a life he’d picked out for you, him out doing god knows what to pay the bills, and you dancing on tables to pave your way to stardom, and this was love, this was real, until the shine wore off and your fresh-faced, dimple-cheeked cheerleader facade faded and the ugliness started to reveal itself, the whining, the petulance, the sharp-tempered cruelty, the mind games, the need to always win, win, win. he was dull, he was boring, he was nothing like the boy the girls had said he was and no chiselled six-pack could hide his lack of anything remotely interesting, your patience wearing thin until it snapped like rubber, a rucksack on your back, running shoes on your feet and the joint bank account emptied into your eighth grade birthday wallet.

you built your small fortunes working the casinos of sioux falls, a crimson dress and an attitude to match. bookish archie with his little dipper freckles was fun for a month before he became just as dull and dreary as the rest. a three-hour bus and you were in minneapolis, bright eyed and bushy tailed, fresh meat ready for the pickings. a hostel here, a friendly co-worker’s sofa there as you made what you could by taking off your clothes and shaking your ass like you were back in pep squad, doing what you did best. you met your fair share of creeps, and soon it was back on the road to escape a wide-eyed stalker and a restless itch for more. milwaukee, chicago, you made the roads your own. log cabins and lodgings, and the occasional motel, a beaten up pick up truck purchased at a scrap merchants – you got a few miles out of it before it bit the dust, and when you finally set it alight after nights spent lounging across the driver’s seat, a parka tucked over you as a duvet, you were sad to see it go. you’re nomadic by fault, never attaching to place, people or things, creating a new personality in every place you go like a character actress; each town is a different repertory theatre, and you’re the star. a compulsive liar, you even fib about your own name, to some you’re ellen, nineteen, bookish, a law student who likes smoking and cosmos. to someone else you’re rita, you’re twenty-five and look young for your age, like smoking, comics and fucking in public places.

in the bright lights of michigan, you found charlie, sweet charlie, too good for you, though you let him spoil you while he thought you were the small town girl of his dreams. next came abigail, who was fun until the jealously kicked in, and then luke, gorgeous luke, dangerous, exciting, who despite his temper, despite the fights, despite bruises down your spine and your teeth marks on his arms, loved you with the strength of a wildfire. there was destruction in your wishbones, a savageness from the field, from the pitch and now somehow in his arms, you were godly. he was cruel, he was careless, and he refused to fall at your feet like so many other boys had, which only you made you want him all the more. you were rage incarnate. you hated him so fiercely you thought you might kill him, so he played the only card you wouldn’t predict; proposed.

the house you shared was a backstreet flat in detroit, you make your name as a downtown singer while he foots the bill with pills. they have a drug for anything these days, to dull the senses, to pick them up, to drive you to insanity or pull you out of the madness hole. the two of you live like criminals on the run (you never told him that you were, living out your days as the enigma he wanted you to be), you with your voice like caramel and fishnet legs. you were his and his alone until his hand was at your throat and the gun was in your hands screaming at him to stop, stop, stop, until a bullet stoppered his brain, crimson staining linoleum as you cast yourself out like lucifer. self-defence was decreed the moment they saw your violet neck, black tears and headlight eyes and mind screaming red, red, red like the pom-poms you shook so willingly in school and the insides of his skull. you were gone, and “you” was born, renamed “greta”, boxed, shipped-out, and next-day delivered to vegas where under witness protection you were a student, blank slate, fresh-faced in a place where no one knew your name, doing what you always did and starting again.

#starlit:intro #starlit:ooc #pls plot w me im going 2 sleep but.... will reply tomorrow #spam me with ideas i LIVE for that shit x #⥂ greta o'driscoll. ╱ musings.

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acuppellarp · 5 years

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Welcome (again) to A Cup-pella, Kai! We’re excited to have you and Ellie Gilbert in the game! Please go through the checklist to make sure you’re ready to go and send in your account within the next 24 hours.

OOC INFO

Name + pronouns: Kai + She/Her Age: 25 Timezone: EST Ships: Ellie/Chemistry Anti-Ships: Ellie/Forced

IC INFO

Full Name: Eleanor Gilbert Face Claim: Liz Gillies Age/Birthday: 26 / June 8, 1992 Occupation: Actress, artist, member of Pamela Lansbury Personality: dedicated, spontaneous, fearless, flirtatious, cocky Hometown: Minneapolis, Minnesota Bio: Eleanor (Ellie) Gilbert was brought into the world on an immensely hot summer night. It was something that would fuel many jokes within her family, stating that the summer heat was what fueled their beloved daughter’s personality. Ellie was always known as a little girl with a big personality. She would wink instead of say thank you, roll her eyes whenever asked simple things such as how old she was, and not have any time in the world for little kids that were far less developed than her. Her parents had their hands full, but they would never give her up for anything.

Once Ellie began to get older and older, her life started getting more and more complicated. Her parents were passionate about Jesus Christ. More passionate about the invisible man than Ellie ever could be, especially since day in and day out, the “Bible” stressed a specific hate against everything Ellie was: a lesbian. She never came out to her parents whenever she was living under their house, knowing that she would be promptly kicked out into the wild Minnesota atmosphere. Instead, she concealed everything about herself. She found herself diving into the performing arts, knowing that was the only thing that was going to make herself happy if she couldn’t be herself. Ellie took high school theatre by storm, always getting the main parts of plays and performances. She was happy on stage.

Once she graduated high school, she kissed her parents goodbye and went where she knew she would always be accepted: New York City. The city that never sleeps was going to become her new playground. While she would do anything to get her chance on Broadway, the older she got, the more she realized that wasn’t something that was going to happen for her. However, with news of bands popping up, she decided to give herself a chance with Pamela Lansbury. It was her first step into making sure everything was set for her. While she was able to be herself, completely, she was still harboring the secret of her sexuality from her parents.

While she did not have any plans for college in the works, Ellie found herself taking acting classes as much as she was able to. She was pursing her singing career within the confines of Pamela Lansbury, but she ached to give more of herself to the industry. She landed a couple of jobs, but they were not as impressive as her landing a starring role in a popular television show. However, it was through a phone call with her parents that they had learned of her sexuality, promptly ending their parentship with their daughter. She struggles with the loss of her parent’s relationship rarely, but sometimes she gets down about the fact that her parents could not even love her for being happy and herself. Pets: N/A Relationships:

Mercedes Jones & Jessi St. James - Their apartment is known among their friends as Glam Central, and for good reason. All three girls are fabulous, with bigger-than-life personalities and dreams of stardom. Their egos clash from time to time, but their main goals are different enough that they rarely if ever are each other’s competition, so they can focus on cheering each other on and enjoying sharing a space with people who know what it’s like to be a star on the rise. Jessi and Ellie have their band rivalry to spice up any boring morning over breakfast, but deep down they both know they’re friends above all else.

Rachel Berry, Dani Harper, Santana Lopez, & Kate Hummel - The other four fifths of Pamela Lansbury. She loves them all, even if they don’t always see eye to eye. Dani is one of her favorite people in the entire world, and her soul sister from another mister. Santana and Rachel are a challenge, but in a good way. She likes them, and she finds their ego outbursts endearing in their own way. And Kate is Kate. Even after telling one another that they could not date for the sake of the band, they dove into a relationship. They had a good run of things, but after a handful of months, Ellie ended things with Kate. While a hint of awkwardness can plague the pair, they try hard not to let it mess with the band. Pamela Lansbury comes before anything else.

Blair Anderson - While Ellie and Blair used to detest one another, their relationship has blossomed through a lot of different stages. First, there was the mutual hatred that lied within the realms of their feelings for Kate. Then, a friendship blossomed between the two, only to be squashed once Ellie and Kate began their run of trying a relationship. However, as of lately, things have been more complicated. The two wouldn’t call one another their closest of friends, but with the strange air of mutual feelings in the air, it’s hard to tell what phase their relationship will turn to next.

Nicola de Rocha - Either a person loves their next door neighbor, or they absolutely despise them. For Ellie, her opinions on Nicola change on the daily. While she would call Nicola one of her best friends, that doesn’t stop her feelings from fluctuating, or stop her from being the biggest pain in the butt that Nicola has ever had to deal with. She has a tendency of getting in her feelings and showing up at Nicola’s door late at night, but the girl always lets her in.

EXTRA INFO

STARCHILD ☆ / elliegilly /description: if lost, please return to the stage.

Five latest tweets:

@elliegilly: the big dick energy that AOC has is my inspiration for 2019 @elliegilly: white men are cancelled @elliegilly: im only saying it one more time: @nicoladerocha there is a strict no dogs rule in this apartment building @elliegilly: i just karaoked Celine and I think God himself clapped. @elliegilly: Never let your one night stand leave with an empty stomach <3

#accepted

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pepperoniwhirlwind · 6 years

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🌼~Honesty Hour~🌼 (pt. 2)

I was asked by @lovelynhiddenkittens to do 150 questions in the honesty hour tag quite a while ago, and only did a third of it. But no longer will this be the case! Midterms are mostly over (the two biggest ones are done at least) so I can focus on more fun things, like answering these questions! Here’s my answers to questions 51-100:

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

Yes. I have a lot of internalized shame about my body type (petite and curvy) that whenever I see someone super tall or toned I just want to be them. Even if it’s only for a day. I don’t have these wishes so much anymore though. Alex and I have been dating for 5 months (on the 21st of this month) and he loves my body type. Thanks to him, I’m learning to love myself, and learning that I don’t have to be a model to be loved~ 💕

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

My depression. I feel like it makes me a burden on everyone, and although it’s shaped who I am, has it really changed me for the better? Maybe I’m more understanding and empathetic because of it, but it’s also caused me an inordinate amount of pain, and unnecessary pain for my loved ones.

53. Favorite make-up brand?

I don’t wear make-up often enough for me to even have a clue.

54. Favorite store?

What I’m buying changes which store I prefer. If it’s food, I generally hit up Fry’s. If it’s home decor (Which Alex and I needed quite a bit of in recency, given that we just moved into an apartment together a few months ago) I shop at Target. If I need to buy shampoo, face wipes, deodorant, shaving cream, etc. I typically go to Wal-Mart. Does anyone really have just 1 store that they shop at? I know if I bought non-food items at Fry’s I’d go bankrupt. 😂

55. Favorite blog?

That’s a real tough one. I love all of my Tumblr friend’s blogs. @im-here-cause-im-not-all-there posts a lot of stuff I relate to, same for @theperksofneurodivergency, who always posts great content. Seriously, I could sit here for ages and list off all the people on Tumblr that I follow, but that would be ridiculous. Rest assured that if I follow you, it means I generally like what you post.

56. Favorite color?

I love darker colors on the cooler end of the color spectrum; mainly green, blue & purple. I even like pastel colors occasionally. Though that’s more likely when I’m being influenced by some of my alters who like lighter colors. Like Honey, who loves pastel colors, and all things sweet really. That’s why sunflowers are her favorite flower. She appreciates all the sunny and cheerful things in life. ☀️ In our inner world, she even has a garden that she tends to regularly, and grows (you guessed it) sunflowers, among other things.

57. Favorite food?

Oh look, another tough one. Hmm... It really depends what I’m in the mood for. But my boyfriend recently started taking me to Schlotzsky’s, which has a lot of really good sandwiches. Though, I’m always down for some Arby’s. I’m in a rut there, but I don’t care. Their roast beef classic and curly fries are to die for. 😋

58. Last thing you ate?

Speaking of Arby’s... 😆 I ate there for dinner last night in celebration of passing my proctored exam for my math class. It was worth 75% of my grade, and I wasn’t allowed to have anything (they even confiscated my bottle of water). It took 2 hours and was suuuper stressful. So my BF rewarded me with Arby’s when I passed~ 😄 This is just one of the many reasons why I love him~ 💖

59. First thing you ate this morning?

It’s the morning right now, and I haven’t eaten yet... 😅 Does the two sips of my boyfriend’s coffee count?... No?... Okay. *sighs* I should go eat now actually, so I can take my morning meds. Thanks for reminding me, Tumblr ask!

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

I got first place in a race once... then immediately quit the track team. 😂 Running just wasn’t for me. I’ve won blue ribbons for art (culinary and painting mostly) before at the 4-H Fair, but I don’t think I’ve ever been in a proper competition that I won. I recently participated in a Drag Show at my college, and even signed my performance (I know ASL, and I hoped it would make me stand out a bit against the competition), but I didn’t win. It was actually a really close call between all the participants, and the host/judge couldn’t decide who the audience cheered louder for, so the lady who’d set up this event had to come up and make the decision. I was one of the first people she decided should leave the stage. So, needless to say, I felt a little embarrassed and defeated afterwards.

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

I never even had detention 😂 ; I was a goody two-shoes growing up. I was always the teacher’s pet, so no, I was never suspended or expelled.

62. Been arrested? For what?

⬆️ See the point I made above for your answer. ⬆️ I’d have to cease being a goody two-shoes first before being arrested is even a possibility, so no, my record is squeaky clean... we won’t speak of the songs I’ve illegally downloaded from YouTube though. >-> <-< Don’t tell the po-po about this, or else I’ll be forced to participate in court-ordered rehab for my music addiction. 😂

63. Ever been in love?

Yes~ 💘 I’m in love right now, with the most supportive and understanding man I’ve ever known~ I shouldn’t have to say who at this point, but I will. It’s my BF, Alex~ ❤️

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss.

Well, this was back when I lived in Indiana. I had a core group of friends, that all happened to be on the LGBT+ spectrum, so we were practically dripping in rainbow-y goodness. 🌈 Mich, essentially the leader of the group, is trans. While Levi is gay and Laci (she thought she was a lesbian originally, and identified as such for the time that I knew her; I don’t really have contact with any of them anymore) is bi. That just leaves Sasha, who is also bi, and she was my first kiss. Mich, Sasha, I, and others (Levi and Laci weren’t there though) all decided to play spin-the-bottle. Sasha was the first person I landed on, and I still remember her kiss. It was soft, like a cloud, and tasted like strawberries. 🍓 It was a wonderful first kiss, but I definitely prefer kissing Alex the most~ 😍

65. Are you hungry right now?

Well, considering I just ate a mini donut with my pills... yes, yes I am. 😂 ...Don’t you judge me either! Alex and I bought a bunch of mini donuts for our last D&D gaming sesh at Tyler’s, and there was still a bunch left over, so someone has to eat them, and I didn’t feel like making a proper breakfast. Plus, the one I ate is strawberry flavored, so how could I not eat it? If anyone turns down a strawberry donut, suspect immediately that they are a lizard-person.

66. Do you like your Tumblr friends more than your real friends?

What a savage question. No, I do not. I like all of my friends, equally, whether they’re online or offline. I only care if my friends are good people or not; and if they care and respect me as much as I do them. Whether they live nearby or not is of little importance to me. I base my friendships off of their character, their morals; not their place of residence.

67. Facebook or Twitter?

Well, I don’t have a Twitter, and only really check my Facebook once in a blue moon. So... neither?... What, is that not an option? Fine... I choose Facebook... I guess.

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

Tumblr.

69. Are you watching TV right now?

No, I’m currently typing this... I am listening to music though, of course. 😆

70. Names of your best friends?

Well, Tyler’s the only friend I have IRL that knows me, like, truly knows me. By that, I means she knows about my DID, among other diagnoses, as we’ve talked at length about both of our diagnoses before. Since she has Bipolar disorder, she gets what it’s like to have a “scary” mental illness; the ones that get characterized by media to always be violent and unhinged. She didn’t judge me or fear me, she only asked questions and tried to learn as much about my system as she could, which tells us that she truly cares and understands. I’ve told other people before, but they’re either no longer a part of my life, or were creeped out by my DID, and are choosing to forget that I ever told them in the first place. My Tumblr friends also know about my DID, given that I post about it and mention it in my blog bio, but there’s a certain level of anonymity on the internet that allows for me to be more open about it. Telling someone IRL? Now that’s terrifying. It takes a lot of trust, and given that I have had some bad reactions in the past, it makes it even more daunting.

71. Craving something? What?

Honestly? A vacuum. And a mop, while I’m at it. I’ve been cleaning for most of the morning, and those are the only cleaning supplies that I need and don’t have. I keep trying to talk Alex into buying them, but he’s not as bothered by dirty floors as I am. He even walks around barefoot on these filthy floors! IDK how! Even if I’m wearing socks it bothers me. I don’t like stepping on anything, and the only way I don’t feel what’s on the ground is if I’m wearing shoes. So... I basically never take off my shoes except for when I’m in bed. 😂

72. What color are your towels?

What a weird question. 😆 Before I moved in with Alex, I lived with my parents, and we didn’t have a standard color of towel. We had an assortment of colors from multiple old sets of towels, a lot of them raggedy, some of them bleached, most of them ancient. Then when I started living with Alex, we still have some towels of differing colors, but most of them are blue and soft~ ✨ The sheets and pillow cases are blue too, though a lighter shade.

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

Not anymore. I used to when I was younger though. When I was a kid my stuffed animals felt like my children. I would rotate which ones got to sleep with me each night, hug and kiss them all goodnight then tuck them in. If one of them fell out of my arms in the middle of the night, it would wake me up immediately. Not even a slow, groggy wake-up. It was like my motherly instinct was an alarm clock, so I would wake up instantly and be wide awake, frantically searching for the stuffed animal that fell out of my arms. I would then pick them up, dust them off and apologize, then snuggle them and drift off back to sleep. When I was a teenager, I mostly cuddled them when I was lonely and needed some companionship to fall asleep. Now that I snuggle and sleep with my boyfriend each night, I no longer sleep with my stuffed animals, but I still love them and keep them as decoration for my bed at my parent’s house, since I never really sleep there anymore. I nap there occasionally, but that’s about it.

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

Uhhh... I’ve never actually counted, but at least a tub full.

75. Favorite animal?

Elephants and foxes, equally~ 💖

76. What color is your underwear?

I’m wearing black panties at the moment. It’s satiny with lace, so it’s cute and comfy; the best of both worlds. 😉

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

Definitely chocolate, 🍫 provided it’s not too rich.

78. Favorite ice cream flavor?

I’m obsessed with matcha green tea ice cream right now, OMG, it’s sooo good~ 😋 Same goes for the matcha green tea frappuccino at Starbucks. It’s the only drink there that I actually get. I’ve tried other beverages they have, and generally don’t like them, but the matcha green tea frap is too delicious for it’s own good.

79. What color shirt are you wearing?

I’m actually wearing a really comfy dress right now, that I slept in as a nightgown last night. 😆 It’s gray and has a lace band on each sleeve.

80. What color pants?

⬆️ Once again, reference my previous entry. ⬆️ I am pantless, given that I’m sporting a dress at the moment.

81. Favorite TV show?

Oh geez... another hard one. Let’s see... I’ll just put the name of the show I’m watching the most right now. That would have to be “Crazy Ex Girlfriend” on Netflix. Before that I watched the newest seasons of “BoJack Horseman” as well as “Orange Is the New Black”, but I’ve already finished those.

82. Favorite movie?

Honestly, I’ve been really obsessed with “The Hunchback of Notre Dame” recently. When I re-watched it as an adult, I noticed how much more serious that movie is compared to Disney’s other films. They cover some pretty dark subject matter, and do it well... *sighs* if only they’d nixed the addition of the gargoyles. They ruin every emotional or tense scene that they’re placed in, and make the lighter scenes just plain cringey. I know they wanted to make it suitable for kids, but I think Disney underestimates what kids can handle, especially considering they reference the darker scenes subtly enough so as to keep the movie’s G rating intact. Like what about the goat, Djali, that belongs to Esmeralda? The goat could have been the comic relief, but instead they brought in the talking gargoyles. They couldn’t even do something cool with the gargoyles, like make them a part of Quasi’s imagination. He’s been alone in a bell tower for his entire life, so it would make sense that he would begin talking to the statues and giving them personalities... but no... it’s shown at the end that the gargoyles can interact with and impact the real world, making them a part of it as well.

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

Well, considering I’ve only ever seen the first one, and didn’t even know there was a second one, I’m gonna have to go with “Mean Girls”.

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

I’ve never seen “21 Jump Street”, so once again, “Mean Girls” takes the cake.

85. Favorite character from Mean Girls?

Oh, that’s hard, especially when they’re all such fun characters. Janis is pretty cool, so she’s up there, but Karen is probably my favorite. She’s such a simple, naive soul, you can’t help but love her.

86. Favorite character from Finding Nemo?

Dory, hands down. But I wanna give a special shout-out to Bubbles, the character from the fish tank that, (you guessed it) is obsessed with bubbles. 😆 He cracks me up every time.

87. First person you talked to today?

Alex. Considering we both wake up in the same bed, it would be nearly impossible for him not to be the one I talk to first thing in the morning.

88. Last person you talked to today?

Once again, Alex, given that it’s still early in the day and I haven’t seen anybody else yet.

89. Name a person you hate?

All of my abusers. Every. Single. One. They made me feel small, worthless, and unloved. So I hope each one of them feels that way for the rest of their miserable existences.

90. Name a person you love?

My boyfriend, Alex~ He’s my world, my hopes and dreams, and everything I aspire to be~ 💖

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

No. I want to punch all of my abusers in the balls. With a baseball bat. Repeatedly, until they’re infertile.

92. In a fight with someone?

No.

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

Only one. I want to buy more, but that requires that I have money, which I don’t.

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

I have my Nirvana sweatshirt, my “Nightmare Before Christmas” sweatshirt, and two hoodies with my college logo on them. One’s gray and the other is red.

95. Last movie you watched?

“The Hunchback of Notre Dame”.

96. Favorite actress?

I have no idea. So I’m gonna go find a list of the top 100 actresses and go from there. *some time passes* So, I found an actress I actually know, and that’s Krysten Ritter, who played Jessica Jones on Netflix’s hit series named (you guessed it again! Wow, you’re really good at this.) “Jessica Jones”.

97. Favorite actor?

That’s a tie between Robin Williams (I really miss him... He was such a vibrant and energetic actor, who also knew how to portray more serious, and heart-felt scenes. He was a skilled actor and a good man. May he rest in peace.) and Tom Hanks. I like quite a few films starring those actors.

98. Do you tan a lot?

Never.

99. Have any pets?

No... 😭 RIP Batman and Robin (my previous pet hermit crabs).

100. How are you feeling?

Productive! I practically cleaned the whole apartment in like 2 hours this morning, and just finished another third of this ask! I’m on a roll, and intend to do homework in a minute. For now though, I’d like to thank everyone who read through to the end, as well as thank @lovelynhiddenkittens for sending the ask in the first place! Sorry it’s taking so much time to finish it, but I’m over halfway done now! Whoo~! 🎉 *sets off a confetti popper and basks in the confetti shower* Anyways, take care everyone! I hope you all have a fantastic rest of your day (or night, wherever you are, just have a wonderful time!) See ya ‘round the bend~! 👋

*grabs a broom and begins sweeping up the confetti, muttering to myself* Why do I do this? Every time, I know I’m gonna have to clean it, but I do it anyway...

#honesty hour #asks #tony

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cececils · 6 years

Text

Why I hate my teenage years

I saw a post and thought I should make my own to go further.

When I was thirteen I was sent to my abusive father's from my grandmother bc I couldn't take it anymore and I had ran away in the wood behind my house to try to kill myself but I got scared and came home after a day of being gone covered in cuts and bruises and my pride hurt bc I was to cowardly to even do that right. On my thirteenth birthday my step mom threatened to stab me before locking me in my room without food for a day. At thirteen I started smoking cigarettes and weed and drinking bc I wanted something my brain was more mature then others I knew what I was doing was wrong but I knew if it killed me let it. Thirteen years old and I'm a shitty person losing to my mental illness and I tried to be good but then I was failing classes and getting suspended for the first time in my life for defending my girlfriend , I was getting told I'm Fucking retarded for being trans and that I'll never be loved, I started thinking sexually but no matter how much he asked and got mad I managed not to give in and I kept my virginity.

Then I was fourteen and back with my grandmother who wanted to make me a perfect girl but I'm not a girl I don't want to be like my sister and my sister helps me bc we're only 8 months apart (my dad's a cheating bitch) and she tells me she's a lesbian so she understands being not accepted and I cry bc I finally found someone . Now it's been 8 years without help for my depression and I'm getting yelled at for wanting to be alone in my room but I have no motivation to do anything else but then I meet my boyfriend and he makes me kinda happy , then very happy maybe that small crush from two years ago means something bc he's perfect and he cheers me on he's such a perfect match and he wants me to be happy for once bc he was there when things crashed. Then i met her and I invite her over before my fifteenth birthday and she holds me against my bed and I try to say no but the words can't find a way out , she had been blackmailing me for months saying she'd tell the Love of my life that she has been holding me against the wall and shoving her toungue down my throat as I try to push her away bc I'm nothing but a whore, so now I'm here and her fingers are in me and I cry I don't know what to do and after it happens we go swimming bc from what I read me being in my one piece bathing suit in my OWN ROOM , putting my hair up, bc I have a curvy body and larger breasts, bc I'm trans and pansexual it's my Fucking fault I must've wanted it. I didn't say no bc I couldn't say anything. How can you?

I'm fifteen and things are looking up , the love of my life and I are perfect and we get along so well. I "lose my virginity" to him and I'm happy he's gentle he's nice. I'm lucky to have him. I found someone who can love this mess but in the back of my head the voice is still there and it's giving me energy telling me to do it. I won't though I can't so I start cutting and his face when he see's it I wonder if he remembers all those years ago but I can't stop bc when I'm alone I laugh while I do it bc if only they can see they're precious Fucking child now , then I get called home early one day , my dad committed suicide. I hated the man for most of my life but he suffered like me and it scares me bc I always considered him strong but now will I end up like him? It gets worse and worse then I'm collapsing on the inside but they can't see me do it again and I can't tell him bc he'll think I don't love him but I'm getting worse we start fighting about little things and I get jealous bc I know I'm so bad what if he leaves me for someone else so then that's a fight though I know I'm just hearing my own voices I'm scared. And I can't tell him I just can't. I can't lose him too.

I'm sixteen. Nothing's better. I was good with him for most of the summer but then in September right on a call I feel my world collapse all at once and my movements and venom coming from my mouth aren't my own and IM SORRY. But I'm so fucked up why can't I stop it, I take a razor and watch him cry for me to keep it away from my neck and I smile as I plunge it into my stomach I'm so fucked up I'm so fucked up I don't want to hurt him but I'm hurting myself and that's a good thing I'm disgusting but I don't die I sit up covered in blood bc I don't care about me I woke up he's my main priority I calm him down the best I can because he's more important as I bleed out it's a small cut I won't die and I just want him happy. We go to school and nothing happened but he's hanging around a new girl who's happier then me all his friends are happier will he leave me for any of them? We fight about it and he is so vague that the reassurance I need isn't the first thing out of his mouth and it makes me mad I take off the ring because fuck him two can play at that game but he begs me to put it back on in class and what have I done I trust this boy with my life and I'm letting the toxic things from inside me pour out and get to him and I know it's just communication we have to work on but we're getting no where fast and I love him and he loves me but it hurts why does it hurt the both of us and I did this we were fine for over a year it's my fault maybe if I had just told him and we worked on things. He leaves me. A week later he leave me and my world crashes down I can't eat or sleep and he cried breaking up with me. Our anniversary passes and I try again I keep trying to kill myself bc now I really have nothing and it's no one's fault but my own, past abuse and mental illness isn't an excuse I could've been better but now I should be dead. It'll be better. A month passes , then two, three, and now four just passed and he says he might come back when he wants a relationship and that he does still love me but I know he's scared it'll be like before and no matter how much I tell him we can work on it I'm afraid of myself and what I'll do bc I don't like to hurt him , he's the love of my life and he's been there for me for everything I just want to lay with him on a grassy hill like before laughing and talking about our future together and just go back to that but it's not that easy. He's scared and I'm terrified. Neither of us wants that bc no matter what we do love each other, but lately I've been noticing him forgetting me and maybe that's for the best bc he does love me but I just want him happy. I want him back yes but I rather him be happy and if it's not with me then I have to bite my toungue , so he may be thinking now but I just have to hope he forgives me. But now I'm moving to my mom and she is so supportive and so nice and I wonder if I'm in limbo bc I have nice things happening to me but I'm still sad ,. Maybe I did die. Maybe I should, I thought about it again last night, maybe that's what has to happen. Bc I'm pathetic.

I'll be 17 I'm a couple months, 18 in a year and a half, 19 in 2 1/2 years, my teenage years are coming to an end and they're better then my childhood, I had way worse back then. Maybe I'm complaining to much and kids have it worse , I hate my teenage years and idk if they'll get better all I can do is hope.

But I hope kids who can relate know they can talk to me, I feel like the best thing I can do is make sure no one has my life.

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dorothyliker420 · 6 years

Text

huuhhoOh my GOD slrprfrsrfl(more lip licking noises)ooooh my GOd whoaoaohah. *huffing* a completeed chorus 2! HOLY SHIT oh my gohd

(silky made me this image as per request ily silky)

WELL HERE WE GO!!!!!!! A COMPLETED CHORUS CHAPTER 2!!!!!!!! CLOCKING IN AT 20,588 FUCKING WORDS AND 45 PAGES IN GOOGLE DOCS! lets see how many bs words I can add to that count am I right ladies

because of, I dont know, any italicization or bolding in the text itself was lost when I copy/pasted it to here so I guess the Experience isnt as Deep BUT ITS ALL GOOD ANYWAY because only I get to type in bold. thats how you know its me and not a rabble, but I also italicized lines that I really wanted to talk about

ill put all the Canon Real Text in an indent tho happy reading,

A Long Awaited Duet ---------------------------------***********************---------------------------------

The new canon is that in between those dashes is a really terrible swear word that the author censored with asterisks. only he knows it and he’ll unleash it when you criticize his fic

Pacing quickly around her room in a long, frustrated circle, Lisette’s worries were quickly drawing to a boiling point.

lisette’s circles make me long and frustrated am I right fellow dudes

Typically, she was a very easy-going person, the kind of girl who’d shrug off most concerns and instead focus on keeping a positive outlook. However, after spending her entire morning going through the motions, feeling trapped in a listless, uneasy funk, even she couldn’t help but be affected. It was almost noon already and still she couldn’t move her thoughts past yesterday’s tea party, to the look she’d seen weathered across Alto’s face.

Lisette is right to be threatened and uneasy. this is like the scene in the opening where the village is getting crystallized and its too late for rosa and shes like SAVE YOURSELF except instead its sexification

She hadn’t had the courage to say anything at the time, but it had haunted her thoughts ever since. Making it worse, when she’d attempted to find her mother to ask her for her advice, she hadn’t been able to find her anywhere, so she’d wound up simply spending the previous night with Marie.

the ghosts of the last chapter vaguely implying alto is too horney to sleep in the same bed as marie have returned and im frightened

“He’s… he’s still on edge, isn’t he?”

It wasn’t right. The fighting was over and peace had been won, but even when he should have been relaxing with his friends, Alto was still wearing the same guarded, strained expression. It was the same heart-breaking look she’d seen from her friend all throughout their battles, at all the times she’d stood at his die, watching him make the most difficult decisions of his life.

STOOD AT HIS DIE

She didn’t think any of the others had noticed. Perhaps she was the only one that would even be able to recognise the difference, after all, she was the only one who’d known him before all this. Back in Mithra he hadn’t been anything like that, he’d smiled freely and his gaze had was always carefree, to the point of being cheeky. Their entire lives had changed ever since she became a Witch and he followed to become her Knight… but she’d always hoped all this time that it could still return to how it was when everything was finally over.

“No,” she corrected herself, her body sagging with a deep sigh. There wasn’t any point lying to herself about this, “I’m not that naïve, I always knew it wouldn’t be that easy…”

“gee” said lisette out loud to herself with no one else around, “I am lisette from the video game stella glow. I am five foot four and my blood type is

Because, she knew Alto. And she knew, for him, that it had never been about the battles. He didn’t fear fighting, he would recklessly throw himself into danger without even a second’s thought if it meant he could help someone. As she’d told him so many times, his overwhelming compassion was both his best and worst trait. He was courageous to the point of stupidity, all he cared about was protecting the people important to him, keeping the people he loved safe and happy, as best he could. That was all the fighting had ever meant to him. And that was why she’d always known it couldn’t possibly be that easy for him.

im giving this alto analysis a 2 alto is a liberal degenerate who really loves hunting and also u dont know anything about him jl “AWOOOGAA” davenport if u tell me about him again ill kill you

Crying out in annoyance, Lisette slumped across the room and threw herself onto her bed, sinking deep into the large, soft mattress as if to try let it absorb a fraction of her worries.

I cannot shake the feeling he was thinkin bout her tiddies when he wrote this

‘Alto’s still fighting, even now,’ she knew that. It was a truth she’d struggled to deal with for days now, ‘The war isn’t over for him yet, because he’s still pushing himself to try find a way to keep every one of us happy.’

fuckin dumb ass horny ass bitch. mediocre ass, pathetic ass, money grubbing, fucking stupid bitch ass you dont put apostrophes around thoughts its ugly as shit

It was a painful thought, the elephant in the room and something she hated thinking about. But somehow, not thinking about it, pretending to simply ignore had become even worse.

does lisette know what an elephant is. does that expression exist. this is third person limited so its kind of weird to use that kind of anachronism

After all, if Alto was still fighting, then she wanted to fight alongside him! She was his family, his comrade, his first Witch and even his (prospective) girlfriend,

I had to cut this off because it was next level dumbshit literally anyone is his prospective girlfriend with that state of their relationship. im his prospective girlfriend

there wasn’t a single part of her that wanted to do anything less than to support him with all her might. He was a part of her soul. He was the man she loved and someone who she would never allow herself to be separated from, she’d known those feelings for absolute certainty ever since the moment she’d woken up from death’s door and travelled around the world to stand at his side. Just thinking about him wracking himself with worries and her not helping him was terrifying!

2. that last sentence is the worst written thing in, if not human existence, then the century

And, she spared a glance over at the mirror she’d been avoiding looking at all day, even aside from that, could she really say she was any different? Was she truly able to smile like before, only because their fighting was over?

hackles raised at the prospect of mirror kink

Lisette gave a dry laugh, reaching out and squeezing the small stuffed pig Popo had given her, pressing it against her considerable chest.

1. the pig is kinda cute like maybe but who tf is vending these smutfic items. who is crawling around in the back alleys selling cursed objects that make people horny as fuck. did ewan make a deal with the devil to sell all his twilight-zone-monkey-paw shit from his brief sponsorship with baddragon

2. die

3. lisette’s chest is CONSIDERABLE all right. it makes me CONSIDER ending it all

For all their outward appearances, in this, at least, she doubted it was any different from any of the others, no doubt that was why everything had seemed so off lately, “We’re all just stuck in limbo, aren’t we?”

this is the longest string of indirect pronouns ever like whomst??? and what an eerie sentence to end a section on. though u kno what stay in limbo

---------------------------------***********************---------------------------------

those dashes are containing the massive power of the cuss word. if even one of them falters or breaks formation the sheer obscenity would vaporize us all

Unfortunately for Lisette, her self-examination came with no easy answers or steps forward. Even though she’d accepted that being stuck in place as they were was only making things worse for all of them and particularly for Alto, there was no obvious solution she could latch onto, to change things.

this literally picks up? exactly where the previous section ended? like. with information that flows from the previous paragraph. if youre going to make that fucking big then why is it functionally useless

However, now more than ever, she was a determined woman and slowly -as the time passed and the morning faded away into early afternoon- slowly, her resolve held out and she was able to fearlessly consider even the truths she’d previously tried so hard to avoid.

why is this the ugliest formatting ive ever seen have you ever heard of an em dash or, a comma. also im losing shit at Determination Resolve Holding Out Shes Never Done This wasnt this like the sole bad point of her tunings

She knew she loved Alto, that he was the only man who’d ever made her feel complete

But, she also knew that the other Witches felt just the same, she forced herself to accept the fact that he was just as important to them as he was to her.

ok nvm im not done being pissed at The Only Man like yeah lisette its called comphet im rewriting this so that lisette realizes shes a lesbian and also that whole Complete Her thing is all of whats wrong with lisettes arc like all of it this is what men do

It was something they’d all consciously avoided discussing, something that none of them seemed to know how to deal with. Her companions, the other Witches, were all as close as family to her, she loved them all dearly… And yet, they were all competing, in their own way, for the same man.

alto is three years old

She was sure they must feel just as awkward about that as her, there was a reason why even the ever impulsive Popo or the harsh-blunt Sakuya

tell u whats harshing my blunt........this fic ((takes a weed puff

had never said anything and why, no matter how much they talked and how much they shared, this single topic was never once addressed directly, they’d all been working on the same process as her- that it was too strange a situation and too difficult a conversation to deal with, that the best thing to do was simply wait till after the war when Alto would be able to reciprocate their feelings, and then there the problem would solve itself. Well… The war was over. And they were all still tiptoeing around each other’s hearts, all waiting for the same response from the same man. “We must all seem so silly.”

tf were they supposed to do to address it? like lets just accept the gross situation but was they supposed to so call everyone to a room lisette spins around in a big chair and says We’re Here To Discuss The Het or maybe this happens

She could just imagine how ridiculous this situation must appear from the outside; five best friends all in love with the same man, all waiting for him to respond to their feelings and all marooned in the same silent stand-off, walking on eggshells while pretending everything was fine. No doubt her mother found it hilarious.

thats the worst line ive ever seen in my life. oedipus rex has nothing on this bitch

that aside like accepting them all as comphets for the moment. literally never interacted on a regular basis with another boy their age. except hilda I guess but it doesnt matter this is so dumb! yall is a bunch of trauma victims you cant just jump directly into the boinking

“Grrr! This is all your fault Alto! Stupid! Since when did you get so popular anyway!? You weren’t like that in Mithra! You’re just… you’re just too dependable… You mean so much to all of us, we can’t help but love you…”

deadass u told me this was dialogue from the anime where the tiddies bounced when the girl blinked? id believe it

He was their conductor. They all loved him. They all wanted to be with him. They were all waiting for him to favour only them…

dont like how its treated that its an absolute that witches will just fall for their conductor thats like sayin no one is safe around bi ppl. reach perhaps but its the same dumbass ideas

Perhaps that was the worst part of all. The more she thought about it, the more she was starting to realise just what an impossible situation their feelings and expectations had put Alto into. She knew better than anyone just how much he cared for each of them, she’d healed the scars on his body time and again that showed just how far he’d go to protect any of them… And yet, without ever really thinking how, they were all still asking him to then choose between them, to decide which of his Witches he loved the most.

but also I just had the revelation that author does not know what romantic love is like, at all, and the smoke cleared I am enlightened and theres nothing I dont understand

And, she couldn’t help him at all, could barely even support him in what must be an incredibly painful choice for him. All she could do was leave it to him, and trust that when he did choose, that he felt the same way about her as she did about him and they would finally be together. As for the rest… She didn’t know… The thought of him choosing one of the others over her was almost too painful, to terrifying to consider, but the knowledge that her friends would have to go through that was no less terrible…

tired of u demonizing r*mantic love. fuck its th most exhilarating experience of my life. that and having a baby shark sit in my hands. dont give all these Oh No People Get Hurt to justify just fuckin whoever u want

That was the mire they were all stuck in. That was why Alto was still looking so stressed and why none of them had been able to move forwards. There wasn’t anything any of them could do and there was no way to make everyone happy. She frowned bitterly. ‘…Would… Would it even make us happy?’

me, who had never been as happy as I am prior to being in love: hell yeah bitch dis go hard as hell flocka

It was a strange thing to consider, something she’d never once thought before this very moment- she’d thought for so long she was waiting for Alto to return her feelings, she’d wanted so long to be with him and to be together forever. But, would she really be happy like that? Could she truly be happy being with the man she loved at the expense of watching the companions she held dear, the friends she’d bled and cried together with, becoming heartbroken? Mordi, Popo, Sakuya, and especially Hilda, after all they’d been through, after how important she knew Alto was to each of them… Her heart clenched in her chest just imagining it!

if this is a question then ur not in romantic love idiot! shut up

But… That was how it had to be, wasn’t it? They’d all been foolish enough to fall for the same man, there was only one Alto. No.

dumps the big ass mess of gl***ng pr**e poly edits here but im not saving it to my computer so u gotta imagine it

Lisette propped herself up on the bed, a previously unfathomable conclusion quickly becoming clear to her. No. She couldn’t accept that. And Alto surely wouldn’t accept that. He’d never accepted that they couldn’t stop the Eclipse. He hadn’t accepted that they couldn’t fight against God. And, at the end of everything, he’d refused to accept that Mother Qualia had to be their enemy. A solution that put the entire burden on Alto and led to all her friends being heartbroken? How could she ever accept that!? How could she ever have thought something like that would make her happy!? That wasn’t how they worked! They were the Tuning Knights, humans that had defeated God and saved Marie! They would never accept such a lukewarm compromise.

fucking................mormons..................................

‘Well now,’ she laughed, ‘If I really think about it, the solution is pretty obvious, isn’t it?’ It was reckless and crazy, nothing at all like anything she’d ever imagined herself doing… But then, didn’t that just make it the same as everything else they’d done?

this isnt even how polyamory works!!!!!!!! sorry im not being funny I just really value r*mant*c love and listen NO ONE would just sit down and think “yes clearly the healthiest thing for the person my heart is devoted to is to juggle 6 relationships”

“Yup! I’m not gonna accept anything like that!” ultimately, all that mattered was the same conclusion she’d come to, ever since she’d returned to life. She already knew what she wanted, she just had to make it happen, “Alto, I’m by your side. Always. I’ll support you!”

hi im lisette and this is my boyfriend alto! we’re queering heterosexuality by having him fuck a ton of girls at once! swipe right if you want to hop on that dick. no gays allowed

---------------------------------***********************---------------------------------

me: this is bad content

jldavenport: h*mg*n*n*l*b*ng*s*gl*m

me: vaporized in silhouette against the wall from the sheer power

Finishing off a long day of meetings, reports and training, clad in his usual attire (sans the armour,

oh shit its sans thearmour!!!! gonna have a bad time that being said makes sense that hes european the gross fuck

thankfully for him) and returning from the dormitory baths with a relieved sigh, Alto scarcely had time to close the door to his room behind him before he was suddenly jolted from his thoughts by an excited knocking. “Eh? Lisette?”

the phrase “dormitory baths” pisses me the fuck off where do you get off jldavenport. probably all over your keyboard but stop saying shit like that this isnt your canon bitch

A late-night visit from his orange haired friend wasn’t especially unusual, but to see her standing around in her Witches outfit

epithets, especially those that refer to hair color, are awful and amateurish but because he still doesnt know this apparently: Redhead. Is. A. Fucking. Word.

in her Witches outfit

that wasnt good enough to warrant that large of an image but like that movie fucked me up so bad lets see what scars me worse the mouse scene or this fic

at this time of night certainly was. And even stranger than that, she was wearing the original outfit, the one she’d worn since the first time she’d awakened to her powers in Mithra, rather than the more dazzling Goddess robes she’d gained after he’d finally tuned her heart, ‘I suppose it’s probably easier to sit around in this one?’ If he had to wear something as flashy as any of the dresses the girls wore, he was sure he’d spent half his time worrying about ripping it.

honestly content notwithstanding this reads like an instructional on what NOT to do when writing. you write like this? dont. its very entry level like I cant say that I necessarily write better but do what I say not what I do

throwing the goddess thing out there is like him saying LOOK!!!! A FACT i KNOW ABOUT THE ACTUAL CANON!!!!!! HAHA

Despite standing staring at him from the hallway, with her face flushed and eyes not quite meeting his, she still hadn’t said anything, “Er, Lisette? Is something wrong?”

knocking on someones door and forgetting why ur there is a neurodivergent feel lisette has adhd now and theres nothing you can do about it

“Ah!” she jumped before finally shaking herself off and responding with a slight anxiousness, anxiety. see me after class “No, no not really. I just… I’ve had a lot of mind and I thought it’d be better if we could talk a bit? Do… Do you mind if we spend the night together, again?”

lisette u were literally talking to urself five minutes ago abt havin him fuck everyone and now ur all anime blushus. bitch

He swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry. She wanted to share his bed again? Spend the night holding hands like back then? Stopping himself short of giving her an answer, Alto suddenly realised just how imploringly she was looking up at him.

they literally used this exact Mouth Suddenly Dry thing last chapter do ppl who enjoy this fic actually like that r smthn. they get wet 4 the dry

“Huh, it’s not like you to actually ask…” He teased softly. Usually Lisette was far more insistent about this sort of thing, he’d normally expect her to simply march into his room and seat herself on his bed. He only realised as she spoke that for her to act like this, for whatever reason she was acting like this, it must be important to her that he did accept her request

ugly sentence. ugly, ugly sentence. ew. im actually so bored by this sentence im ceasing work on this for the night good bye

She didn’t want to force it on him. Still… He couldn’t help but hesitate. It was stupid, he knew, but he’d felt awkward spending time alone with any of the girls since after the war, lest any of them get the wrong idea.

“get the wrong idea” DONT FUCKING WRITE ALTO LIKE THIS I AM IMMORTAL MY SKIN IS ADAMANTINE YOU SHALL FALL BEFORE ME

A moment passed and still Lisette didn’t say anything; clenching her hands nervously below her wait -and unintentionally pushing her impressive bust out even further towards him-

the commissioner, apparently upon seeing stella glow:

she silently awaited his response. Blushing a little under her low gaze, Alto realised it was getting harder and harder to remember the days when he’d seen her just like a sister.

this proves its inhuman and disgusting because it gave me visceral flashbacks to fire emblem fates so lemme post some of my fave incest quotes from that, starting with the ones it made me astral project into

did that last one haunt u because for a split second you imagined a world where lisette said them? good bc that shit keeps me up at night. im tired of cropping these quotes out so like we’re done my point has been made

In the end though, he couldn’t possibly deny her. Not for no reason, and not when she looked at him like that, “Yeah, of course Lisette. That sounds fun.”

the begging thing from the last chapter hit me full force in memory and I honestly hope it comes back bc ive got a dynamite joke locked and loaded

Breaking out into a bright smile, the Water Witch sagged in relief, taking him by surprise as she reached out to take his hand in hers, letting her body fall soft and warm against him as she did so. Her breath tickled hot across his collar and Alto’s heart jumped in shock!

DONT EVER USE EXCLAMATION POINTS LIKE THIS im serious. it is about as ugly, 2007-fanfic-net-core you can get.

Her hands felt smooth and gentle, wrapped warm around his…

HIS WHAT

he’d felt that before, it was pleasant, although not anything new. But feeling her head falling lovingly to his shoulder like this and having her entire body now laying against his… His mouth went dry,

Wet 4 The Dry Confirmed

he could even feel her breasts pushing large and heavy against his own chest! ‘Woah… S-So soft… They’re even bigger than Rosa’s, aren’t they?’

can you believe this was written completely unironically? like, people find this hot? if it didnt deplete the experience of reading this fic id replace every line referencing boobs with a comment from nicki minaj’s instagram

For just a split second, no matter how much of a gentleman he was, standing there like that, it was impossible for him not to compare the mother and daughter.

WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY SON

“Li-Lisette?” he choked out, desperately reigning in his thoughts before they rampaged down a dangerous direction. “Mmm, Alto, hehe, I’m glad,” she giggled happily, skipping back and beaming up at him as she tugged on his hands, leading him off, “Even just being like this with you, I feel better already!”

ok I have NO idea what movement theyre doing. shes like, skipping and then she comes back and takes his hands and idk probably his dick or something

Absolutely caught up in her rhythm, they were halfway down the hall before Alto finally realised she’d pulled him completely out of his room!

heres a coded message just for katt: e*****t w** d****** **m!the narration means he was aware she was pulling him so like where the fuck did he think he was going if not outside his room

“Uh, h-hey, Lisette? We’re going somewhere? I thought you wanted to go to sleep?” “That’s right,” she nodded simply, giving up and tugging him and instead falling into step beside him, “But your bed’s too small for it to be comfortable, so we’re gonna use my room instead!” Alto almost dug his heels in from sheer indignation!

im sorry. im sorry I had to cut this up but come on. come the fuck on. indignation. like she made a point and alto is all “insolent female requesting things of me” have you not met alto. authot is from r/incels

She’d come all this way to see him, just to drag him back to her room!? How self-indulgent could she be!? And, it wasn’t as if his bed back in Mithra had been any larger and she’d never complained before. Eventually, he just sighed and followed her lead, it wasn’t worth getting worked up over. If it would make her happier, then that was fine. It might be nice to spend a night in someone else’s room for a change too.

Walking hand in hand through the halls like this was fairly embarrassing, thankfully it seemed that it was late enough that no-one else was around. He really, really didn’t want to suddenly run into Rusty like this, let alone Giselle, or Sakuya… Supressing a shudder, Alto hurried on.

“let alone giselle” wh???? I am so baffled by this. obviously rusty or sakuya would give him shit but whats giselle gonna do??? is alto being bullied by a robot?????? I want giselle to appear and smash alto’s frosting into the ground

“I won’t hesitate, bitch,” said Giselle, pointing her laser at altos dick and shattering it into one million individual pieces

Unlike the tiny spare room he’d been assigned so long ago now, Lisette, as a Witch, had been housed in the premium quarters on the other side of their dormitory.

stop. stop saying dormitory. this is not a college

Luckily in this case, unlike the Palace, the building wasn’t overly large so it was only a short trip to her room. They arrived a few minutes later, just as his heart was beginning to settle down.

…

what happened to the long ass aterisks break. oh god the swear word is coming isnt it

Unfortunately, the moment Lisette opened the door and they stepped inside, Alto’s breath was one again caught violently in his throat, “H-Hilda!?” And indeed, kneeling serenely atop a small cushion in the middle of the large room, the Time Witch was sipping calmly from her usual green ceramic tea-cup, as if there was nothing strange about her presence here at all.

I dont like how shes sitting on a pillow in the center of the room that sounds ritualisitic

(bangs pink cup on the ground) She Sits On The Sacrificial Fuck Pillow ((group of hooded figures behind me start chanting “Fuck Pillow! Fuck Pillow!”

Watching as she settled the drink aside, perfectly in synch with the sound of Lisette locking the door behind her, Alto’s mouth went dry.

theres so much wrong with the syntax and shit but im pushing that all aside to say how fucking difficult it is to sync sound like that even on purpose so yeah theyre def doing a cult sacrifice to the original sex god, elcrest

A moment of silence reigned and somewhere in the back of his currently panicking mind, the bewildered Conductor couldn’t help but notice that Hilda too was wearing her standard Witches’ outfit, the same form fitting black dress

“dress” very generous for mr boob grower

and wide sweeping hat she’d become associated with for so many years. However, in her case, this wasn’t much of a surprise. As far as he’d seen from the White-Haired woman, she didn’t seem to actually own any normal, casual attire and, while he knew she deeply adored he beautiful white dress she’d unlocked when he’d purified her lonely heart, he also knew that even she couldn’t help but feel rather self-conscious, wearing something that was practically a wedding dress as an everyday outfit, he hadn’t seen Hilda’s Goddess Robes since the end of the final battle.

I literally cannot read any part of this paragraph except the capitalization of White-Haired and Goddess Robes this was either written in the 1700s or modern day by me dissociating in a target bathroom this is so funny if the fic gets any funnier ill die

“Alto? I’m surprised. Isn’t it a bit late for you to be visiting a woman’s bedroom?”

horny dont got business hours babe

“Ah, H-Hilda! It’s, it’s not what you’re thinking, I, Lisette!? Wha-” “Relax Alto,” the Water Witch giggled softly as she stepped forward, taking his hand again, but this time wrapping herself around his arm, “She’s just teasing you.” “Wha… Abuh?”

this is harem anime/fire emblem dialogue right down to the “Abuh?” actually thats the defining thing you hear someone say that youre in a straight anime and you need to run for your fucking life

“My apologies,” Hilda nodded, offering him a small smile in recompense as she matched Lisette’s movements, taking hold of his other hand, her pale face burning bright red as her soft fingers entwined with his, “I just, got a little flustered seeing you so suddenly… I… I wasn’t sure what to say.”

ok first of all you cannot write hilda in any realm of possibility but also like this is yet another thing to not trust men for: emphasizing the whiteness of a womans skin. he is a racist, plain and simple

Her hand squeezed nervously around his and Alto realised just how easily he could feel her racing heart through the light fabric of her dress when she pulled his arm against herself. Not that Lisette was any different, he couldn’t possibly believe in the confidant front she was showing after knowing her as long as he had, not when he could feel her entire body trembling against him.

hilda is like two ft tall howd she even reach his arm. also like there isnt even any fabric boy u raw touchin her

His mouth opened and closed, but he couldn’t think what to say, he wasn’t mentally prepared for any of this! He’d gone from expecting to go to sleep, to being visited by Lisette, to being dragged through the halls, and now he was being sprung with some surprise meeting!? And both of them were clinging to him like never before!

this is in character alto not wanting to have a threesome so he can go nap

He couldn’t possibly keep up. Before he even realised it, he’d been pulled all the way over to Lisette’s bed and was sitting with a girl wrapped around either of his arms.

what a problem! what a terrible day for him! what are the odds of this happening!

“What… What’s going on?” “Something good.” Hilda answered in her own cryptic fashion, her voice almost breathless and her blazing red cheeks half hidden behind his cloak as she shyly slid in right next to him.

it is most certainly not good ma’am

“That’s right,” Lisette agreed, happily snuggling up against him as she squeezed herself around his other arm, “We’re gonna help you come to a decision!”

we’re gonna make u C*M...............to a decision ;)

Alto blinked, “Eh?”

petition for this to turn out like the friends episode where ross got kicked out of a threesome with his wife and another woman bc they were lesbians so he left and made a sandwich

conveniently the fic decides to break here anyway so thats all you get for now. I’ll finish the other parts later (im expecting like maybe five because of the gargantuan size of this travesty) and link them direct from here

Part 2 here! (coming soon)

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elfrightsactivist · 7 years

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Hey. Im a beginning writer and I saw your post about trans characters. Im cis but i want to do it properly. What would you like to see? How do I make them come out? Sorry i just want this to be good yknow? Thanks

Hi there! Thank you for asking, and never apologise for wanting to be respectful about including people. I wish more people did that.

I tried to make this short at first but it’s just impossible for me, so buckle up because I’m passionate about this.

Same as with writing any minority, including trans people in your story doesn’t mean you get to talk about the experience of belonging in said minority. While you might have some empathy, unless you’re basing your trans character’s story on a specific experience of a real person, you have an enormous chance of being misguided by pop culture and its obsession with turning us into tragic, suffering figures only there to be pitied or as a way to shock the audience or as a way for the writers to get diversity cookies. We’re just people, and even if we do have traumatic backstories, let us talk about them in our own terms. Make a character that just happens to be trans, but don’t focus on that part of their identity because that bit is not yours to tell.Example: Madeline is an actress. She likes sci-fi and is currently studying French literature while she follows her passion for theatre. She also sings and plays the ukulele and piano, she has a YouTube channel where she does operatic covers of video game themes and makes nerdy songs about popular fictional characters, and wants to play the main part in a West End musical one day. She knows it’s hard because she’s trans, but she trusts her abilities, and she’s grateful for the few fans she’s gotten from YouTube who are super supportive.

Don’t be misguided by stereotypes. 99% of trans women don’t dress like drag queens, trans men are not butch lesbians who just desperately want a dick, and not every trans person has a tragic past with their family because of their identity. Also, no need for your trans char to be 100% feminine or masculine to PROVE they really are trans, and there’s no need to be a short-haired, flannel-wearing, very non-gendered white thin model in order to be non-binary. Example: Madeline has a girlfriend and two dogs. She lives in a small flat and struggles to pay rent, but she’s happy. Every Sunday she visits her dad. She’s an only child, and he absolutely adores his daughter and her girlfriend and likes to cook for them. She’s got her differences with her mother because she wanted Madeline to be a doctor, not a starving artist, and thinks she’s irresponsible, but Madeline was tired of trying to live out her mother’s dream and has chosen to take some distance.

How to make them come out? The same way you’d say anything about anyone’s past: respectfully. Don’t make someone find out against their will. Don’t have someone from their past misgender / deadname them and then put them in the awkward situation of having to explain themselves to both the people they once knew and the people they’ve chosen to surround themselves with in their current life. Everyone in my life knows I’m trans, and if they don’t yet, it’s because of circumstance, not a cunning plot of shame on my part.If you do want to have them be stealth, don’t treat the moment of coming out into a huge betrayal. No more hiding genitalia because they’re ashamed to tell their partner, no more telling their date and their date storming off because they trusted you, how could you not tell me, [deadname], if that’s even really your real name, WHAT ELSE ARE YOU HIDING, ARE YOU A MURDERER, and so on and so forth. Example: Madeline is accepted in a new acting group, and makes a new friend. They hang out, compliment each other’s Star Trek t-shirts, and have rehearsals together. They talk about parts they’d played in the past, and Madeline mentions that in high school she was given all the male parts even though she tried to get the female ones, but they wouldn’t give them to her because well, we all still thought I was a boy back then, but one teacher ever gave her the one she wanted, and she was her favourite, and hopes to invite her in the premiere of the play. “Aw, that’s so sweet,” her new friend says, who has met trans people before and realises that Madeline wants to focus on the affection for her teacher and not her own past at the moment, “I’m so glad you showed them who’s the boss, I hope your teacher makes it. If you ever wanna talk more about that time i’d be glad to listen.” They keep eating their ice cream. Here you can easily pull a Raymond Holt and make her openly trans but the people around her just don’t seem to get it because she’s way too casual about it. I know I’d love to do that at some point but I tend to write in fantasy universes where it’s not a big deal in the first place. If you can do that, even better. In sci-fi and fantasy, it’s always so refreshing to see people who actually imagined worlds without transphobia.

Now, what I’d like to see. I kept this one for last, because I’m picky.I guess, no more transphobic violence. No more showing who the bad guy is by verbally / emotionally / physically attacking the trans character for shock value.No more trans character being there just to be trans. Make a Krem, who’s there to tell weird stories of past jobs and be the second in command; make a Rhett Hennesey, who’s there to be the protagonist and kill paranormal creatures and find his destiny; make a Nomi Marks, genius and very queer and an incredible hacker, kind, badass, there to be part of something bigger and share the love; make a Cheri Littlebottom, forensics expert extraordinaire, who makes friends and reinvents herself and claims her identity tooth and claw and earns people’s respect and will not get rid of her amazing dwarven beard or her lipstick and high heels; don’t make a Sophia Burset, who is forgotten after a few episodes and she’s only there to waste a talented actress’ abilities and remind people that hey, look, there’s a trans woman in here, look how tragic her life is, look how her identity is tearing her family apart and literally put her in prison. And in the end, because I’m picky, no, don’t make a Krem or a Rhett either, because they’re treated as cross-dressing women from their narratives, and they’re both awesome and deserve better than that.In the end, I’d like to see trans protagonists. Trans teachers, and lovers, and criminals, and superheroes, and space captains. Feminine and fat and black and Native and Mediterranean and alien and elven and muscled and disabled and ugly and hot and creative and famous and feared trans people. Two or even three trans people per story. Non-tragic trans people. Well-rounded, loved characters, whose motives are something else besides being trans, whose families value them, or if they don’t, it’s not because of their gender.

Write people. And if they talk to you and tell you that they’re transgender, hear them out, and make it happen. But make them people first.

#hypnotic-spellz #steve talks #transtuff #writing trans #this got out of hand and in the end idk if it's helpful so feel free to ask again if you need anything #long post

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