#is that my pronouns are literally always visible next to my name

[cacklefrendly]

TELL US ABOUT GOOD BOY AND WOCJAA COWARD

FUCK YOU COME HERE AND ASK LEADING QUESTIONS ABOUT THEM YOURSELF okay wait actually ive got Menthol Illinois and you've handed me an excuse now—

so like Wocjaa n Kit are both similar opposites yeah. that's why Kit's uncomfortable with Wocjaa and part of why Wocjaa's obsessed with Kit.

part of this similarity is shown through what visible traces their gods left behind: Kit's eyes became red, Wocjaa's arm became tentacles, and like. not to scream about symbolism but to SCREAM about symbolism there's something really meaty abt Kit "i was raised by a cultist and my worldview was purposely skewed" Bismuth's change being his eyes and Wocjaa "i am building a cult to this god primarily because i crave personal power" [REDACTED]'s change being his arm. it feeds really well into that thing i was explaining about how they're like both sides of an abusive relationship with the changes showing how different their relationships with their gods currently is (Kit can p much ignore his eye color, but Wocjaa is quite literally handicapped in order to hide his arm -> Kit has long since rejected his god, while Wocjaa rejects the idea of living without his).

while im at it, the specifics of their Immortality* plays with how the gods viewed and treated them — Kit's god saw him as a pawn to be moved and sacrificed to win, so while he can die he will always come back fresh for the next round of the 'game'. meanwhile Wocjaa's god sees him kind of like if you gave a fish a diving reel: he's valuable as he marks her way to the surface and she would sure like to keep him, but she doesn't need him. so yeah, he is truly immortal and can not die no matter how hard you try, but she will cut him off and let him die if he's ever more trouble than he's worth.

also i just realized that i refer to Kit's god with he/it pronouns and Wocjaa's with she/it. huh.

as for Good Boy, just,,,, , man. there is Something about a being that is entirely defined by the fact that is acts as other beings and has no name of its own??? I've been wondering 'if i were to write something fromg Good Boy's POV, how would i refer to it' and i came to the conclusion that i would use the name of whatever it was acting as but in all caps — it's mimicking a dog named Bruce, so i would say that BRUCE was barking — and that reminds me of naming your character in, like, a Pokémon game??? which fits weirdly well????? because again, Good Boy isn't pretending to be something else, it acts as something else, as in it's an actor, a blank slate to be drawn on, to be projected onto, for a role to be assigned to it.

and then i started thinking about the whole 'names carry power' thing and how it'd relate to Good Boy and then i started thinking 'what if someone actually saw IT and gave it a name of its own' and THEN i thought 'wait how could someone see IT' and somehow that train of thought lead to a scenario where a person experiences ego death so hard that Good Boy, patron saint of Where The FUCK Am I, manifests as them to lead them through a journey of self-discovery to figuratively find themselves again and IM SORRY THE SAINT OF LITERALLY LOST DOGS LEADING A FIGURATIVELY LOST PERSON IS. MMMMMMMMMMM

still don't know what would happen if someone tried to properly give Good Boy a Name but im considering the vibe of saying a word into a microphone and holding it up to the speaker it's connected to

#cackle rants #oc: Wocjaa #oc: Kit Bismuth #oc: Good Boy #actually on second thought continue to send me questions here #it tricks me into actually posting about my OCs instead of thinking really hard about them

[reluctanx]

𝘽𝙉𝙃𝘼 𝙃𝙀𝘼𝘿𝘾𝘼𝙉𝙊𝙉 >> CLASS 1-B. || Fem!s/o

𝘾𝙃𝘼𝙍𝘼𝘾𝙏𝙀𝙍𝙎 𝙄𝙉𝘾𝙇𝙐𝘿𝙀𝘿: neito monoma, itsuka kendo, sen kaibara, ibara shiozaki, tetsutetsu tetsutetsu, reiko yanagi, setsuna tokage

𝙒𝘼𝙍𝙉𝙄𝙉𝙂 (𝙎) : n/a [?]

-Neito Monoma

!! 🧺 | he’s actually very sweet, just a bit playful with you

!! 🧺 | he cracks joke just to make you laugh because your smile means EVERYTHING to him

!! 🧺 | i’m pretty sure he’s a nerd at color theory and would ALWAYS point out how beautiful your eyes are. even if it has a darker shade, he just knows that it’s a beautiful color that he loves so much

!! 🧺 | he doesn’t let other people touch his bunnies besides kendo, you may also be the exception

!! 🧺 | overly dramatic because he knows you can’t possibly, truly handle his bullshit

!! 🧺 | his teenager crush on you is so adorable, because he’s always in denial. or refuses to admit he have a crush on you

!! 🧺 | seeing that you’re not comparing him to a villain because of his quirk, wether it’s a joke or not. you automatically gain a part of his trust and respect. deadass

!! 🧺 | he bullies people for a reason, and you better deal with that

!! 🧺 | very argumentative, trying to fight with him with controversial topics is useless

!! 🧺 | LET. HIM. TOUCH. YO. HAIR………. pls

!! 🧺 | even if he tries, he can’t keep up late at night. HE WILL fall asleep, so sometimes you’ll be left on read accidentally-

!! 🧺 | when texting… he’s a total different person omg

!! 🧺 | no because if your seat is next to his, he will pass you the answers for the math exam.. (don’t lie, i know you’re a total dogshit at this subject. )

!! 🧺 | he’s a real big fan of Vlad king so you better be prepared seeing some of his merch in his closet

!! 🧺 | seeing you in his clothes makes him feel weird. he’ll try to make fun of you but he’s just really flustered to look at cha’ i swear

!! 🧺 | it’s rare to see him swear, so when he do so.. dear god..

!! 🧺 | HE DOESN’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOUR BODY SHAPE, SIZE OR WHATEVER, HE LOVES YOU THE WAY YOU ARE AND HE WILL REMIND YOU THAT

!! 🧺 | “you love me o’ sooo much it makes you look stupid.”

!! 🧺 | “don’t tell kendo about this, but i like you. for real.”

!! 🧺 | pronouns first with this man, pronouns = priority, pronouns respected. period.

!! 🧺 | he would be such a simp for you..

!! 🧺 | not obsessive or possesive, per se just jealous in a healthy way

!! 🧺 | “i’m literally a low quality version of bakugo.”

!! 🧺 | THEATRICAL, AS FUCK.

-Itsuka Kendo

!! 🧸 | SHE’S LITERALLY A SWEET HEART *SOBS SOBS*

!! 🧸 | she acts like your big sister sometimes.

!! 🧸 | she’s so shy and intimidated when she gets to date you bro..

!! 🧸 | your hero name? your hero costume? gives no shit, she find everything about you AMAZING.

!! 🧸 | you’re the little spoon, don’t prove me wrong, you’re the little spoon

!! 🧸 | she finds you so cute (especially if you have chubby cheeks, cause like uuuUhhh…)

!! 🧸 | she dresses you up when ya’ll get a girl days

!! 🧸 | she doesn’t know how to cook, depending on your cooking skills; either you get to cook or ya’ll order sum shit idk

!! 🧸 | she have a whole romantic cottagecore playlist dedicated for you whenever she thinks about you i swear.

!! 🧸 | you participates in her activity of : “knocking-down-neito-whenever-hes-been-an-ass”

!! 🧸 | can’t even afford to scold you the first time ya’ll meet, you’re so beautiful *sob sob*

!! 🧸 | if you’re in a social group space, you’re her favourite person, ya’ll are the duo of the friend group

!! 🧸 | “can’t sleep? that’s okay me too.”

!! 🧸 | picky, very picky eater. ya’ll may have trouble ordering something.

!! 🧸 | you’re the ticklish person, she’s the tickler. if you’re not, she’ll helplessly try to tickle you..-

!! 🧸 | “SPIDER, SPIDER!!”

!! 🧸 | your luck booster, i stg

!! 🧸 | she likes seeing you with fake cat ears, you look so adorable in her perspective

!! 🧸 | “LET’S WATCH A DISNEY MOVIE!!”

!! 🧸 | fast typer when texting.

!! 🧸 | you’re her angel, you are.

!! 🧸 | wants to be a make-up artist somedays.. so you better be ready and prepare to be a mannequin.

!! 🧸 | “you’re so weird *faces you* you’re so weird.”

!! 🧸 | 256 HOURS LONG OF TALK AND CHATS WHEN SHE ENCOUNTERS A LONG TIME FRIEND AT THE MALL

!! 🧸 | she wants to be a princess, your princess

!! 🧸 | SAY THAT YOU LOVE HER HAIR AND SHE WILL FLUSH

!! 🧸 | “why are you so pretty 🥺’

!! 🧸 | cottagecore lesbians :)

!! 🧸 | holding your hands + kisses + pecks on the lips, physical affection <<<<<<<<

!! 🧸 | gives you her stuffies, trust me she have LOADS of stuffies

!! 🧸 | BLUSHES SO HARD WHEN YOU WEAR HER CLOTHES

Sen Kaibara

!! 📢 | you don’t understand, the amount of love he holds for you is HUGE!

!! 📢 | fairly confident when he’s fighting by your side, you give him confidence..

!! 📢 | bad habits to compare your beauty with his

!! 📢 | trying to make him blush? oh honey, you don’t have to try once you have a relationship with him..

!! 📢 | his smile <<<<<<<<<<<<<

!! 📢 | usually quiet but tends to be talkative ONLY to you

!! 📢 | his heart beats faster and faster when you get close to him, but his face says 😐

!! 📢 | “kiss me already, dummy”

!! 📢 | really likes anime actually, ya’ll watch animes or read mangas sometimes :)

!! 📢 | *strokes strokes, scrubs scrubs your hair gently*

!! 📢 | thinks you look so cute in his clothes but doesn’t mention it

!! 📢 | secretly tries to get one of the things you crave for (an item, celebrity’s autograph idk sum shit)

!! 📢 | mockery against you? not on his watch.

!! 📢 | his love language is physical touch *sobs sobs*

!! 📢 | rubs your hand gently to calm you down when you feel anxious

!! 📢 | old times french love songs of edith piaf is his jam..

!! 📢 | hopeless romantic :c

!! 📢 | insecure? not on his watch,

!! 📢 | gives you his juice box to you and only to you

!! 📢 | you’re his first kiss

!! 📢 | BEST HUG GIVER

!! 📢 | the type to put your hair behind your ears

!! 📢 | “you’re my everything..”

!! 📢 | KISSES YOUR CHEEKS INTENSIVELY

!! 📢 | loves to feel euphoric, you make him euphoric

!! 📢 | you get the blower during summer lmao

!! 📢 | buys you loads of icecreams during summer

!! 📢 | go to the heater side during winter, right now, right here.

!! 📢 | everything you ask somethinh, he’ll answer instantly

!! 📢 | want something? dont worry, sen gotchu’

!! 📢 | SIMP

!! 📢 | wants to be someone truly meaningful to you

!! 📢 | you make him feel special for doing literally nothing

!! 📢 | he loves you, so so much.

Ibara Shiozaki

!! 🌱| literally the momo yaoyorazu of class 1-b but more theatrical

!! 🌱| you kinda just already knew that she have a preference for girls

!! 🌱| “mo- mother nature? what kind of silly things are you spouting out of that mouth of yours…”

!! 🌱| you are literally babied by her

!! 🌱| good baker and easily make your favorite dish/dessert

!! 🌱| you’re her top priority, and she carefully pays attention to you. deadass, she’s the type to wipe your mouth with her favorite tissue while she’s talking about a serious matter with her teamates bro

!! 🌱| she’s such a nerd in the rom-com industry, and gets pretty shy when you proceed to do something that is similar to a scene about one of her few rom-com movies. (ex: kadebon)

!! 🌱| she laughs so easily..

!! 🌱| “you’re so precious.”

!! 🌱| she showed all the symptoms of “crushing” back then, and you already knew that.

!! 🌱| everytime you hype her up, she smiles widely

!! 🌱| she’s so gift giving, she can’t leave you without giving you a gift first

!! 🌱| all the gifts you gave her stays safe and sound in her room

!! 🌱| “i might never be your hero, but i’ll be the winner of your heart.”

!! 🌱| she wants you to wear her clothes so ya’ll can match :)

!! 🌱| she’s quite wealthy, so she buys you some expensive gifts that reminds her of you

!! 🌱| always wrap her arms around you everywhere

!! 🌱| teases you but a lot

!! 🌱| she likes to do gardening stuff with you

!! 🌱| full knowledge on plants, every flowers she offers you was because of a characteristic that reminds her of you

!! 🌱| her efforts to be committed in your relationship is so visible

!! 🌱| always slips a little ‘I love you” everydays

!! 🌱| your love, affection and attention is enough to repay her for her consistent efforts.

!! 🌱| gets easily jealous but tries to hide it, but you obviously can tell due to her uncontrollable blush

!! 🌱| as she is so gift giving, you’ll try to argue with her saying she doesn’t need to give her this much gifts

!! 🌱| she gets overwhelmed when you make out of an exam/mission

!! 🌱| loves to give you a head massage while reading a book

!! 🌱| come and stargaze with her >:|

!! 🌱| kisses the back of your hand

!! 🌱| show you off when she have the chance to

!! 🌱| compared to what you may have assumed, she puts a lot of trust in her words when showin’ you off.

!! 🌱| “everyday and everynight, you make me happy just by thinking of your silly little face.”

!! 🌱| HELPS YOU WITH HOMEWORK

!! 🌱| SLEEPOVERS!!

!! 🌱| she felt insecure about her hair, so the fact that you had he audacity to pet her head made her fall inlove with you.

!! 🌱| gets genuinely confused when you laugh at her dramatic behavior

!! 🌱| her humor is kinda bad, so she may laugh at the stupidest thing ever

Tetsutetsu Tetsutetsu

!! 🦈| oh boy, everything would be so wild with him

!! 🦈| you cannot leave the room without giving him a hug first

!! 🦈| awkward, like really

!! 🦈| “you’re the most coolest— beautifulest—…uuh.. person!”

!! 🦈| doesn’t academically succeed a lot, but puts a lot of efforts in his works. every praises you give him makes him smile

!! 🦈| makes you laugh without him knowing

!! 🦈| please, he probably starts to laugh when you start talking too fast because he doesn’t understand-

!! 🦈| in summer, he turns his arms into steel so you can grip against it (since steel is usually cold)

!! 🦈| probably have adhd

!! 🦈| loves to caress your cheeks

!! 🦈| sometimes kisses your little fingers for fun

!! 🦈| buddies to lover trope :D

!! 🦈| uses kaomoji than emojis

!! 🦈| his favorite song is teenage dirtbag

!! 🦈| he requires a good listener as his s/o, because he is a very talkative person and bring numerous topics and persons at the same time when talking to him

!! 🦈| “you’re extra-beautiful..”

!! 🦈| offers a fish related plushie

!! 🦈| shows off his abs for you

!! 🦈| two dumb hoes doing shit trope

!! 🦈| “you kinda remind me of an otter..?

!! 🦈| “wanna be a teenage dirtbag with me?”

!! 🦈| he calls you the popular girl of the school for a reason.. 😭

!! 🦈| calls you tetsutetsu junior when you wear his clothes

!! 🦈| openly admit that ya’ll are in a relationship to everyone

!! 🦈| is actually ticklish himself-

!! 🦈| loves to kiss your forehead

!! 🦈| loves to point out how cute you are

!! 🦈| definitely introduces you to fatgum and kirishima

!! 🦈| he can’t really came up with a petname.. so he’ll give you stupid ones

!! 🦈| as you can tell, he’s clearly not experienced but he tries, for you :)

!! 🦈| okay but power couple

!! 🦈| “if you steal the blankets, i am about to put my cold feets on you.”

!! 🦈| gets out of hands when he’s too excited

!! 🦈| gives you back hugs when you’re not feeling well

!! 🦈| best caregiver 🥺

!! 🦈| adores you

!! 🦈| play games with you :)

!! 🦈| sends you stupid note under the door whenever you’re taking a shit-

Reiko Yanagi

!! 👻|| you managed to get on her soft side when you told her that she wasn’t weird in any ways

!! 👻|| very quiet and patient with you

!! 👻|| really doesn’t wish to disturb or scare you, but she can’t let go of you — you were so nice

!! 👻|| when you tease her.. she’s a blushing mess

!! 👻|| you’re the only person she hangs most of her time with

!! 👻||she thinks that you’re so, so cool.

!! 👻|| doesn’t know how to react to all of your compliments, just knows how to cuddle

!! 👻|| she makes you listen to her favorite genre of music

!! 👻|| she tries her best to make your relationship with her dynamic as possible!

!! 👻|| with that say, praising is one of her top quality

!! 👻|| as much as she doesn’t know how to handle your praise, she can slap you back with her

!! 👻||”hey.. how abour we kiss? uh- um.. if- if you want to.”

!! 👻|| is actually a good kisser-

!! 👻|| her only way to calm you down was to kiss you when you get overwhelmed

!! 👻|| reiko is a really good listener and would literally listen to your 5 hours long story as she stare at you the whole time

!! 👻|| when you mention that her bags were really cool… good job bro, now she loves you

!! 👻|| SHE’S SO CLINGY, LIKE REALLY CLINGY

!! 👻|| unexpectedly good in video games

!! 👻|| “w-whoa.. i didn’t expected you to wear my clothes..you look adorable..”

!! 👻|| gets truly passionate when talking about paranormal facts

!! 👻|| she loves to play with the strands of your hair

!! 👻|| quality time <<<<<<<<

!! 👻|| would always remind you how beautiful you are

!! 👻|| once you have her sweater wrapped around your body, it’s officially yours now because she says so

!! 👻|| soft spokesperson with you bro..

!! 👻|| seems more confident when texting

!! 👻|| she loves taking pictures of you

!! 👻|| she probably wanted to make you visit the beach during the sunset

!! 👻|| she’s so proud of you..

!! 👻|| “oh, you deserve all of the praises of the world.”

!! 👻|| can’t even look at you in the eyes,, you’re so CUTE!!

!! 👻|| never leave you alone, never will or would

!! 👻|| always grips on your shirt so that you don’t get to be lost in a mission

!! 👻|| regularly checks up on you

!! 👻|| gives you LOADS of snacks during lunch

Setsuna Tokage

!! 🐊| COMMITTED IN THE RELATIONSHIP

!! 🐊| literally takes you out everywhere on ya’ll date

!! 🐊| don’t be shy, skateboard with her

!! 🐊| literally asks to be partnered up with you during the sport festivals

!! 🐊| will do everything for you

!! 🐊| have a reptile pet, you’re the only person knowing about that

!! 🐊| CHERISH YOU UNTIL SHE DIES

!! 🐊| “my sweet sweet pumpkin pie!”

!! 🐊| “let me kiss you until you can’t handle me anymore, darling.”

!! 🐊| she loves snuggling to your neck and leave soft kisses

!! 🐊| eyes contact is important

!! 🐊| you’re her favourite person

!! 🐊| ya’ll be ruining your sleep schedule for each other

!! 🐊| you guys always wear something that matches with the other (a hat, item, shirt.. etc.)

!! 🐊| setsuna announces her relationship with you to the class as if she proposed to you in a mariage

aight ya’ll, bye!

#bnha #bokunomyheroacademia #mha #myheroacademia #my hero academia #boku no my hero academia #class 1b #neitomonoma #neito monoma #reikoyanagi #reiko yanagi #itsukakendou #itsuka kendou #ibarashiozaki #ibara shiozaki #tetsutetsu tetsutetsu #tetsutetsu #headcanons #bnha headcanons #bnha hcs #senkaibara #sen kaibara

[mikasaluna]

a certain scientific railgun smut hcs

⚠ WARNINGS：nsfw ! smut !

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. MINORS WILL BE BLOCKED IMMEDIATELY

「 Keep in mind your triggers and do not engage if it will provoke negative emotions. You are responsible for your own actions. 」

♥️

notes：gender neutral pronouns, AFAB character, fluff, adult characters, set after graduation

A Certain Scientific Railgun /とある科学の 超電磁砲

Accelerator　アクセレレーター

- needs to be in control at all times

- he’s not gonna let you on top so don’t even ask

- baby boy just wants to make you feel good <3 

- not that he will ever admit that to you

- holds you roughly by the hips and grinds you down on his thigh while you’re making out

- loves watching you being pleasured, and hearing your sweet moans

- “what a desperate little slut, getting off just from my thigh like that”

- the little shit immediately pushes you back onto the bed just as you’re about to finish, leaving you wriggling and whining beneath him

- his soft white hair tickles your stomach as he pushes his face between your thighs 

- really, really good with his tongue

- you were already so close, cumming embarrasingly fast as he sucks harshly on your clit

- rubs your sides mindlessly as he settles himself back on top of you, inspecting your already fucked out face

- you can feel his hard bulge through his pants pressed against your naked, wet cunt

- is super blunt about it

- “let me fuck you”

- “of course you’re letting me you filthy fucking whore”

- “I bet you love having your stupid slut cunt filled up, huh?”

- starts gentle and deep

- but soon enough he will flip you over and pound you into the matress like you’re his own personal little fuck doll

- when he’s about to finish he will push his face into the crook of your neck where you can hear his breathing falter, and feel his hot breath in your ear

- ...he bites

- you have to stop him after the third round, worried you wouldn’t be able to walk the next morning

- plot twist: you couldn’t walk for the next two days

Kongou Mitsuko 婚后光子

- will try her best to act confident and self assured

- but quickly becomes a stuttering, blushing mess

- doesn’t mind showing off her body to you, she just wants to turn you on as much as you do to her

- asks you to please give her hickeys; on her neck, collarbone, breasts, and especially the insides of her thighs

- maybe give her a hickey on her clit too

- attempts to deny it, but she loves when you top her, and maybe even when you’re a little rough too

- “me, kongou mitsuko!? of course i am not a sub or anything...”

- it’s pretty obvious that isn’t true once you’re finger fucking her into the bed while she’s moaning and babbling out incomprehensible strings of words

- if she gets too loud you might have to be a bit more forceful and put your hand around her throat, but somehow this only makes her louder??

- “please, more there~”

- “h-harder, faster, please don’t stop”

- when you smack her thigh as a warning, you can hear her bite back a moan

- she won’t stop wriggling so you have to hold her thighs tightly, while you put your face between her legs

- the way her face scrunches up as you flick your tongue on her clit is absolutely adorable

- poor baby’s words get all scrambled until all she can do is pant and moan at how good you’re making her feel

- her legs start shaking when she comes undone on your tongue, wrapping her thighs around your head and grinding up into your face

- which she immediately regrets

- “I-I’m sorry for cumming before you said it’s okay”

- “I know I’ve been a bad girl”

- as her punishment, you sit on her face and make her eat you out :)

- she tries her best to make it up to you, holding her tongue out for you to use

- part of you thinks she enjoys this even more than you do

- the way her tongue rubs against your clit has you rocking your hips desperately into her face

- when your breathing starts to falter she will pump her digits into your sopping wet pussy to help you along

- which ends in you creaming all over her fingers

Kamijou Touma 上条当麻

- very honest

- generally likes to start slow and let you take lead

- but sometimes if he’s really needy, he will come lie on top of you when you’re on your stomach, kissing your shoulders gently

- you know what he wants straight away, his bulge pressed into the back of your bare thighs though plain grey sweatpants

- you push him back against the headboard, climbing onto his lap to straddle his waist

- he grabs your hips, kissing you and roughly grinding up into you while pulling off your shirt

- soon he pulls of your panties too, your messy cunt drooling all over the fabric of his sweatpants, making a visible wet patch on the grey fabric

- “so you’ve been waiting all day for this too, huh?”

- he rubs your clit gently as you sink down on his member, your walls fluttering around his cock at the stretch

- having you on top of him and watching your face as he rubs tight circles around your clit turns him on more than anything

- he’d let you ride him all night

- as much as you want to, by the time he’s about to cum your thighs are sore and your core is throbbing

- since you’re too tired he’ll grab your hips and help you along

- mumbles out praise as he finishes, still bouncing you on his lap

- “you look so perfect like this”

- the king of aftercare, always makes sure you’re okay and gets you whatever you need

- he will cook for you, bring you a warm towel, run you a bath

- ...which sometimes leads to round two

- always checking that he did good and that you’re satisfyed

- if not, he will gladly go down on you, or make you cum around his fingers until you can’t form proper sentences anymore

- he secretly hopes you’re not satisfied yet

- gives you one of his shirts to wear after <3

Mikasa Mikoto 御坂美琴

- tsundere, so tsundere

- “i-idiot, don’t touch me there...”

- “wait! no... actually, p-please don’t stop”

- blushes at every little touch you give her

- hickeys make her melt under your touch, especially on her neck

- and in return you get to hear all the cute moans and noises she makes <3

- at first she gets super shy about letting you see her body, so you only take off her shorts and panties

- before holding her against the wall and putting your face up her skirt :)

- you can feel her legs get shakey as you suck gently on her clit, so you make sure to hold her up well

- when she’s close she will grab your hair roughly and squeeze your head between her thighs while stuttering out apologises to you

- one time you even made her come so hard with your tongue that she shocked you with her electricity a bit

- but now she only uses her electricity whenever your vibrator runs out of charge, or occasionally on your clit if you ask her nicely

- kiss her and tell her how good she did for you

- while you’re on top of her distracted by her lips, she will slip her hand into your panties and finger you

- the way she works her hands on you is absolutely sinful, it’s obvious that she must practice on herself

- won’t let you pull away to catch your breath, because she’s embarrased of how red her face gets

- it helps her to get more comfortable knowing that she can return the favor for you though

- once she relaxes a bit, holding her on your lap and using your vibrator on her is like a sight from heaven

- you wrap your arms around her body and alternate between grabbing at her soft breasts with your free hand, and curling your fingers into her velvety walls

- the way that her eyes begin to water as she bites into her lip to stop herself from moaning is truly to die for

- naturally, you squish her cheeks and make sure she lets every last whimper and moan out of that pretty mouth of her’s

- “w-wait... but I -ah, can’t keep my voice down”

- it’s okay, that’s exactly what you wanted <3

Sogiita Gunha 削板軍覇

- actually really sweet

- very enthusiastic

- he thinks you’re the most beautiful and precious person in the whole world and will absolutely make sure you know that

- mans will finger fuck the insecurity out of your body if you even think about being shy around him

- his number one goal is to make you feel as good as possible

- always asking for your consent before anything

- “please can I kiss you pretty baby?”

- “please can you sit on my lap?”

- “please can you sit on my face?”

- feeds off of your moans when he’s pleasuring you

- the louder you are, the harder and faster he’ll go

- whatever he lacks in experience, he makes up for with enthusiasm and stamina

- so much praise

- “you sound so pretty baby doll”

- loves when you scratch his back, or when you tell him how good he’s doing

- sometimes doesn’t realise when you’ve come so he accidentally overstims you

- lets you start on top so you can adjust to his size

- but always gets too excited and starts to bounce you up and down on his cock himself like you’re a stupid little fuck toy

- he’ll probably be moaning even louder than you are

- triple checks that you’re comfy before he grabs you by the ass, lifts you up and fucks you against the wall

- wants to pound you against everything; the couch, the bed, the kitchen counter, the window... you name it, he’ll do it

- lasts for so damn long without ever getting tired

- he can make you come at least three times in one round

- the angle of his pelvic bone hitting against your clit with every thrust doesn’t help that matter

- or his cock hammering repeatedly against your g spot

- when he is finally about to finish, he will hold onto your flesh hard enough to leave bruises, pushing himself as deeply inside of you as humanly possible until you can feel the tip of his cock hitting your cervix

- if you let him, he will breed you and stuff you full of his cum

Shirai Kuroko 白井黒子

(A/N: the characters in ‘Kuroko’ directly translates to “black child” and it always makes me laugh whenever Mikasa is like “KUROKOOOOOO” cause literally no one would call their kid that in English)

- takes no shit, A+ brat tamer

- dresses up in the skimpiest little lingere sets she knows you love, and watches you get all flustered 

- things can go one of two ways:

- one, you act like her obedient little fuck whore and do everything she says

- two, she teases you for hours then makes you watch as she rides your thigh without ever letting you cum

- kuroko has so many toys... but don’t worry, she loves to share with you

- first she orders you to make yourself cum in front of her, observing how you work your fingers against your clit and blush in embarrasment at her gaze

- soon enough though she won’t be able to help herself anymore, perching herself on top of you so her ass is wiggling just above your face, your wet cunt in her full view

- presses her tongue flat against your clit and laps you up like it’s her last meal

- your moans make her go absolutely feral, even more so when you’re pushing your tongue between her folds

- the vibrations from her panting and moaning around your clit, and the view of her pretty pussy right in your face is almost too much for you

- especially when she is going down on you so well like that

- pumping one finger experimentally into her messy cunt, followed by a second, you continue to lick at her clit

- watching you play with your pussy really made her soaked huh

- as much as you want her to cream all over your fingers and cum on your face, she is insistent on making sure you finish first

- she gets off to you is just a giver like that <3

- puts you into the wildest positions and fucks you with a double sided dildo, a hitachi wand held on your clit

- very vocal, loves teasing you while her free hand is wrapped tightly around your throat

- “come on baby, use your words, tell me how much you like it”

- she’ll coo at you innocently, knowing damn well you couldn’t speak if you wanted to

- “i guess you don’t like this... i’ll just have to stop then, what a shame”

- you better believe she’s not gonna continue fucking you until you’re sobbing and begging for her to keep going

- of course that is exactly what she wants, to turn you into a submissive slut all for her own personal use <3

#a certain scientific railgun x reader #a certain magical index x reader #a certain scientific accelerator x reader #a certain scientific railgun smut #a certain magical index smut #a certain scientific accelerator smut #anime x reader #anime x reader smut #smut #accelerator x reader #kongou mitsuko x reader #kamijou touma x reader #mikasa mikoto x reader #sogiita gunha x reader #shirai kuroko x reader #accelerator smut #kongou mitsuko smut #kamijou touma smut #mikasa mikoto smut #sogiita gunha smut #shirai kuroko smut #toaru kagaku no railgun x reader #toaru no majutsu x reader #toaru kagaku no accelerator x reader #toaru kagaku no railgun smut #toaru no majutsu smut #toaru kagaku no accelerator smut

[mallowstep]

Genetics ask! I know that male torties/torbies are very rare and caused by a genetic mutation, but with those who do exist, are there any prerequisites with their parents? I’m assuming they’d have to carry the red gene since tortoiseshell is one red, one not-red, but I barely know anything. And based on this, is it better to just headcanon cats like Redtail as biologically female?

alright! hello, anon.

since i had to do more research than usual for this one, reminder that:

i am not an expert. i can and will be wrong. you can find my self-corrections under #corrections, but those are only things i or others have noticed, and that i've had the time to write a correction to and explain.

disclaimers out of the way, let's talk about tortie toms. (and torbie toms, and calico toms, it's all the same deal.)

if you know how ginger works, you can skip the next few paragraphs.

orange (ginger, red, etc.) is sex-linked in cats. what this means is that the gene that causes orange cats is on the x chromosome. it is also codominant, which means that having an orange x chromosome (Xo) and a non-orange x chromosome (X) is not black or orange, but both.

basically:

X or XX: black

Xo or XoXo: orange

XXo: tortoiseshell

yeah?

now, for the rest of this post, i'm going to be writing O and o instead of Xo and X because it's one less character and i don't run the risk of putting three x chromosomes together.

okay. so because torties need two x chromosomes, they're typically female. the way tortie itself works is basically, cells activate one of the genes (O or o) at random, creating patches. so you need two copies.

wikipedia says about a third of male torties have klinefelter's, which is the XXY karyotype. while this does have physical changes associated with it, the only way to confirm (humans have) klinefelter's is to test it genetically.

luckily, cats are very helpful about demonstrating it. what with them being tortie and all.

(we're also lumping in the variations of klinefelter's here. you can get XXYY, etc., and they all fit into the same broad idea.)

anyway, the extra x chromosome can come from either the mother or the father. this makes tortie toms...not quite easier, since the prereqs are the same, but y'know. if mom is Oo, dad doesn't matter. if mom is OO, dad has to be o, and if mom is oo, dad has to be O. same rules as usual.

XXY toms are going to be...not sterile, but pretty infertile. using human stats, about 50% can produce sperm, although the likelihood of them having kits is still low. humans with klinefelter's are also taller than average, so keep that in mind.

again, and this might be a correction on my part, i can't remember, but tortie toms aren't strictly going to be visibly different than other toms.

okay, so most people stop at klinefelter's, but there are two other ways to get tortie toms: mosiacism and chimerism. these are often confused/combined, but because i strive for generally being accurate, i'll go over them both.

mosaic cats carry multiple genetic lines, because of a mutation. this can either be somatic (happens in the body, is not hereditary), or germline (happens in reproductive cells of parents, is hereditary).

this is not always a gain of a line, you can lose a chromosome as well. the difference between somatic and germline and how it affects torties goes over my head, so i'm not going to speak to it, other than i'm pretty sure we're talking about somatic mosaicism. i think. again, not a biologist or geneticist, just a hobbyist with an internet connection.

right, so what happens is basically, some cells lose their extra x chromosome, giving you a cat with karyotype XXY/XY. these cats are more likely to be fertile and generally have less effects of klinefelter's. i'm not entirely sure how this affects tortie presentation, if at all, but it does happen.

i suppose you could also have some kind of mutation that gives you an extra x spontaneously, but that would be unlikely to cause torties, because it would also have to mutate into the other O allele.

again, i really want to stress that while i'm not bullshitting, i'm also not speaking definitively here.

last up is chimerism, where two embryos fuse in the womb, creating mixed genes.

i'm using a picture of a dog, here, because this is what goes through my head when i think of chimeras. you'll have to take my word for it, but while this would be a normal tortie cat, it can't really happen in dogs without some kind of mutation. and chimerism, given the extent of the patching, is pretty likely.

right! chimera torties are going to be, afaik, normal levels of fertile, although it's likely that they can pass on either black or red, not both.

(while i'm here, before we move on, there are a lot of types of chimeras. this type is called tetragametic chimerism, and it's rare in humans but more common in other animals. it's hard to know how common it is, because the differences are often very subtle, and hard to test. it's also not mutually exclusive with mosaics or klinefelter's, just to really muddy the waters.)

i don't have statistics for how common mosaics and chimeras are, and there's always, "a different type of mutation that doesn't fall into this category"

for mosaics and chimeras, the rules for inheritance seem to be the same as for klinefelter's. there's the added note that, because there can be multiple sires within one litter, a ginger queen could have kits with a ginger tom, and get a tortie son, as long as she also...ahem...with a black(/brown, etc.) tom. (or vice versa, with all brown and a ginger.)

okay! so that's basically how it happens.

as for the second part of this question, well. "is it better?" is a matter of opinion. i don't think anyone is wrong for having tortie toms. i don't care. (a) it is possible, and (b) we're all just having fun.

i, personally, do not think redtail is karyotype XX, because i like him being sandstorm's father with brindleface. idk. i like brindleface. yes, i know this raises huge genetic problems, and it's not very canon. i don't really care. i read that redtail fic where he thinks about sand&brindle as he's dying and it hasn't left me.

that said, i'm still a sucker for trans redtail. love it. idk, this is kind of hard to explain. like? it's not my headcanon, but i still appreciate it.

anyway! to the point: if you care about statistics and likelihoods and how many tortie toms you've had in the clan, yes, you're probably better off saving your chromosome anomalies for when they need to have kits, and using XX karyotype for the rest.

(under the cut: matthew rambles about trans cats and gender identity for a while)

i'm pretty sure cats don't have the western concept of gender. i don't think they have a human concept of gender, either, but at some point i need to be able to pin down something, and i think a third/fourth gender is closer to what they have.

i've been thinking about this a lot lately, because i decided i wasn't satisfied with my old approach to trans cats. i can do better than that. i decided cats don't have gendered pronouns, so why should the solution be, "trans cats don't really get to do anything about it"

no. i am dissatisfied with that.

at the same time, for specific reasons: i also don't think cats are trans in the western sense of the word.

because if for nothing else, remember that cat sexual dimorphism has a bigger effect on their life than in humans.

like, queens are going to be uncomfortable around male cats they don't hella trust and their kits. that doesn't go away if said male cat isn't a tom. y'know?

i'm in a constant state of tweaks with this, because i basically: form opinion, test opinion, refine opinion. my initial opinion was too harsh. and!

part of what's changed is i decided i wanted fernsong to be able to raise his kits in the nursery instead of ivypool. so i had to adjust how i think the nursery and queens work, slightly, to permit for that. now, i can turn back to gender and think about it some more.

i'm not going to coin any new terms, because i'm not in that kind of mood, but i think there is some idea of a female cat who is not a she-cat. i don't think the cats would call them a tom, but i'm not sure what they would say or how they would describe it.

i think they would just, on some level, get it.

actually okay you know what! i do need some lingo here. queens = cats who are raising kits in the nursery. she-cats = XX karyotype, considers self female (cis, if you will). toms = XY karyotype, considers self male (cis, again). and uh...we'll go with...

god i hate. i don't want anything i say in this ramble to be considered "words i am going to now use consistently" because i literally just need some way to describe this for my own sanity. with that in mind, let us use molly for XY karyotype, but not a tom, and...how about gib for XX karyotype, not a she-cat.

again, i don't want that to be considered permanent, i'm just fishing at words people use to describe cats so i can have something to work with.

right so, i don't think cats think gib and tom are equivalent, but i also don't think they (as a society) care about that.

like, okay, let's say redtail is XX, but not a she-cat. there's nothing to really be done (heck, if he wants to be a queen, that's still fine), cats don't have gendered pronouns or names, but at the same time, there's an intuitive understanding of what that means.

this kind of ties into the matriarchy, kind of? like, hm, queens are an important part of the matriarchy, but at the same time, she-cats inherit family lines. not that cats inherit much, but still.

i'm getting very abstract here. take, uh, like let's say a hypothetical trans mothwing. i think a lot of people have that headcanon?

and i think, like, mothwing would not be considered a tom. if cats had a concept of sexuality, leafpool would not be straight, because she likes mothwing, and mothwing is not a tom.

but! i would still think willowshine probably is the first line for nursery visits, at least when the kits are very young.

and i don't think anyone there would be unhappy with that deal.

right. i just kept rambling for a while, because i've been thinking about this and obviously it's semi-tied to the question.

tl/dr: cats don't care about gender, because they are cats meowing at each other in the woods. if a cat says they're not agab, everyone is just cool with that.

#ask #anon #essay #long #ask to tag #jic #mine #txt #genetics #redtail #warriors genetics #trans cats

[amaya-chwan]

Therapy Game Restart Discussion: Who is Onodera?

Hello everyone! Hope you are all well~ ❤️💛💜 I've had a headscratcher of an ask/message regarding Onodera, so I figured I'll make it into one big post!

Before I begin this Q&A/discussion post (feel free to comment below if you have any thoughts), I have looked through past chapters to gather the information I will put into this post to support my predictions. Not all chapters are readily available for everyone at the moment as only one volume of TGR is out right now, so I shall put the chapter numbers for your future reference! ⚠️ Also, just a note! These opinions are my personal thoughts, conjectures, and opinions, so please don't think I am saying one idea or speculation is wrong--this is just how I see it, and of course I could very well be wrong! And I also am not fluent in Japanese, so I may have some translation errors!

⚠️ Also, a warning, this will be a long post! Keep reading if you're interested and please let me know your own thoughts!

First, in an earlier ask, I was directed to a translation group that said Onodera is a man. With the help of Google and Google Translate (because I don't understand/speak Spanish), I found that post (dated April this year) and the origin of the picture they used in that post. The image is from Hinohara-sensei's 13th August 2020 tweet here and is also below for reference:

Now, all I can remember from first seeing that image is "Woow, so pretty! A female character? A love rival? A threat? OH it's the infamous director they're all talking about???"

This image was released around the time chapter 8 was released, i.e. the first chapter we see Onodera in full.

Looking at the image again, I can see how Onodera could be seen as a female or a male. Onodera has long hair, yet no visible breasts. There is no evidence of an Adam's apple, but that could just be because of the turtleneck as part of their outfit. Furthermore, in chapter 13, we see a view of Onodera from behind. There are no "womanly curves" visible in this view of Onodera.

After searching some Japanese blogs, some fans also had the same thoughts: no breasts = possible male, the shape of the face etc. Here are the blogs I found: [1] [2] [3] but most of these are from around chapter 8.

Just about the breast argument: there are a lot of different shapes for breasts. I learnt that when working at a department store selling bras during university. It is possible that Onodera is really flat chested or just has very little breast tissue. Not sure if that's getting too technical now, ahah, but what I want to say is that the lack of breasts isn't a definite yes to Onodera being a man.

Hinohara-sensei also has not explicitly stated throughout TGR so far (ch1-13) that Onodera is male or female.

From chapters 8-12, Onodera is always referred to as 院長 (director) by Shizuma and the nurses at the clinic. No gender-specific pronouns have been used in the story nor by any characters to refer to Onodera when speaking so far (that I have read). So confirming Onodera's gender is just misleading at the present moment.

We do find out in chapter 9 that Onodera's first name is 昌 akira. Akira is a gender neutral name in Japan. It is often given to males, but it is not uncommon for females to have this name. Which, I think, is genius on Sensei's part. It leaves us all thinking!

Q: So Amaya-chwan, what do you think Onodera's gender is?

Just for me as I've been reading TGR the past 1.5 years, I see Onodera as a woman as I have been "encouraged" to see Onodera as one by the little subtleties in the story, and Minato sees Onodera as a female, so I probably am viewing Onodera in Minato's POV.

(Please keep reading on for more insights and answers to questions! Really, this post is long! 😅)

In chapter 9, Onodera's older brother, who is also Shizuma's university professor (and his last name is not Onodera), makes small talk with Shizuma regarding the staff at his placement:

Shizuma's professor says: By the way, Shizuma-kun, how've you been!? You haven't been bullied, have you!? // The female team here is scary, right~ You know, Nakajou-kun and I were in the same grade...

So here, I'm made to think Onodera's clinic is pretty much all female, including Onodera too.

Fun fact: His professor uses the suffix -kun for Nakajou-sensei, yet Nakajou-sensei is a female and -kun is commonly used for males these days. But, it is also used for females in very specific situations. I'm not too sure what the situations are, but I have heard them used for females before.

In the same chapter (9), while Shizuma is changing out of his scrubs in the men's locker (?) room, Onodera walks in. He is slightly flustered, and kindly reminds her that she's walked into the men's locker room. Her reaction is "Huh? Ahh..." So here, again, I am made to believe Onodera is female.

While no gender-specific pronouns have been used to address Onodera, Minato and Itsuki have referred to Onodera as a female in chapter 13.

The kanji for "female/woman" is 女. In these two images, Minato refers to Onodera as 上司の女 female superior, and from Minato's story, Itsuki hence calls her 職場の女の人 female from (Shizuma's) workplace. This is the only time Onodera has been referred to as a female.

⚠️ Just a note going forward in this discussion, I will now call Onodera "she/her" as that is what I believe Onodera's gender is at the present moment!

Now, I did get a second ask from an Anon! Here they are below with my responses:

This one is about what's behind Onodera. I think she's a pretty interesting character. I actually think she's a trans woman or a non-binary trans woman. Sensei has been dropping so many hints to that... The name her brother calls her might be her dead name. He complains about her hair and what their father would say. She's designed to have flat breasts, perhaps she's not under hormone therapy, perhaps her "trips" and "days off" have something to do with reassignment surgeries...

She most definitely is an interesting character. I wouldn't say Onodera being transgender is out of the realm of possibility because the story is still ongoing. But regarding her name, I don't know if I'd call it a dead name since it is gender neutral already. Perhaps the kanji for a male Akira name would be different to a female one though?

About the hair comment (ch10), I just thought it was unruly? I honestly didn't think too much of it! What I will add is that the kanji for hair (髪) is used, but the reading is あたま head. Not sure why just yet, so I'll just leave that here as some extra information for the moment.

Not sure what I really think about a) her flat-chestedness and b) her insanely long business trips yet! I figured a) might be a character design, and b) she really is a top-notch veterinarian so she's probably in high demand. But I could be completely off the mark!

Also, I don't know where to add this random bit in from the story, but in chapter 12, we find out that Onodera has been calling one of the staff the wrong name for more than 10 years now. Not sure if this new piece of info affects anything?

But again, that is a very interesting prediction/thought you have about Onodera, and I wouldn't say it's not possible!

She's kind of a female Minato, psychologicallly and in appearance, which brings some challenges. And one more thing that I think hints to that: "I'll make it so your body can never be satisfied by any woman", Minato says to Shizuma. As the last chapter leaves it at that, we don't know exactly what he is talking about. [spoiler?] I haven't seen the Japanese text yet to be sure if he's clear about topping Shizuma.

That was exactly my thought when she was first introduced! That's part of the reason why I think Minato sees her as a threat, especially when he saw her for the first time and was told she is a 美人beautiful person (both in chapter 12). She and Minato definitely share some characteristics, but I find she's a bit more socially-awkward than Minato given her background (Chapter 9 & 10).

For the dialogue, the Japanese lines and the most literal translations I can give are:

今から　静真くんを抱く From now, (I'll) hold/embrace you, Shizuma-kun.

どんな女に出会っても　絶対満足できない体にしてあげる No matter the women you encounter, I will make it so your body definitely cannot be satisfied (by any of them).

Hopefully we'll find out what Minato means by that exactly in the next chapter, which I hope comes to me this week!

But if that's what he's talking about, it's 1. poor Minato being transphobic (besides being biphobic towards his own boyfriend)* 2. poor Minato probably foreshadowing his own fall. If Onodera happens to be a woman with a d**k, she can do whatever Minato thinks a cis man only can do. That's not what will make Shizuma stay by his side. Shizuma will stay by his side because he loves Minato. And that's that. Debunks biphobic myths, debunks transphobic myths. *He's not a bad person, he's got issues

Okay, this is probably as straight-forward as I can say this, but I just want to say that I don't know enough about the issues faced by the LGBTQI+ community. My friends have kindly answered all my questions so far as I don't want to be ignorant or rude when learning more about my friends and the community. I don't want to give off the air that I'm assuming anything since I don't want any misunderstandings. And I am fully aware that I need to educate myself more regarding this!

So about Minato, I'm not completely sure what you mean by number 2. But he definitely has his share of trauma, insecurities, and fears regarding his relationship with Shizuma. Having Onodera as a threat in this story really helps drive Minato's growth. The story is titled Therapy Game Restart, so what I gather from the title is that Minato is going to face another fear/insecurity he has, something deeply-rooted in him, and it's going to get really heavy and complicated, but he will eventually get through it and it will help him heal and grow as a character, and hopefully strengthen his faith in his relationship with Shizuma.

So far, I believe this "fear" is carrying on from +Play More, that Shizuma can be whisked away by a female at any moment.

But yes, Minato has to realise for himself that his and Shizuma's love, relationship, and bond is strong enough for him to not worry about Shizuma leaving him so abruptly. He has to learn to trust in Shizuma more, and TGR is slowly revealing that, especially in chapter 13.

I'll stop here. I have already written long analyses on this series and I think about making them public at some point. But it would be nice to hear from you! Maybe I'm completely wrong in my interpretations! I'm really sorry for being so annoying and maybe using inappropriate language. I really didn't mean to bother you. But I never see anyone making these points. I just want to know if I'm thinking unreasonably...

I love reading different analyses, opinions, story predictions, the whole lot!! So please feel free to ask me or post your own ideas. It's always a welcome thing for me to discuss stories and learn new things! Don't be sorry that you're being a bother or annoying, because it's not a bother at all!

We're all allowed to have our own ideas and opinions about stories, and these ideas will change once something is canon in the story, and ultimately is something we will have to accept too.

So yeah, just my two cents. Thank you for being so patient with my response, dear Anon!

To anyone reading at this point, thank you for reading this far! ❤️💛💜

I shall see you in our next set of takeaways~ As always, stay safe and take care of yourselves and your loved ones! 💜

(2021-05-17: Speedy proofreading is done ahah! And yes, my brain is still so full of 山河令/Word of Honor right now, so I have been VERY distracted! Highly recommend this drama, guys! It's up for free on the official Youku Youtube page! Totally not an endorsement, but I love this drama! AHHHHH!! Gong Jun [Simon] be living on my mind rent free~)

#therapy game #therapy game restart #ikushima shizuma #shizuma ikushima #mito minato #minato mito #mito itsuki #itsuki mito #ikushima shouhei #shouhei ikushima #hinohara meguru #セラピーゲームリスタート #セラピーゲーム #生嶋静真 #三兎湊 #三兎樹 #生嶋翔平 #日ノ原巡 #小野寺 #小野寺昌 #onodera akira #akira onodera #who exactly is onodera #discussion post #amaya chwan answers #amaya-chwan answers

[starlocked01]

Second Glances

AO3

Masterpost- Previous- Next

Summary: Roman has spent years making his aesthetic Gay TM and yet his soulmate's first impression of him is that he's straight. What has he done so horribly wrong? Nothing, but first impressions often are wrong.

Day 18 Prinxiety- Your Soulmate’s first impression of you is written on your skin somewhere

Damn it all the cute ones are straight

The mark appeared on Roman’s 18th birthday at midnight and frankly, he was mortified. He had been out and proud for the past two years and almost always had a rainbow flag somewhere on his person or belongings. How in the world could his soulmate get such an incorrect idea of him?

He interrogated all his friends at school to see if any of them had crushes on him and had thought he was straight but with no luck. Apparently they all had better gaydar than his soulmate.

Roman didn't have much time to worry about soulmates though because in just a few weeks he and his twin were moving into the dorms for freshman year of college. They packed up their entire room and wondered what their roommates would be like.

"I don't know Ro, what if they don't accept me or get uncomfortable with me?" Remus ran his fingers through his hair. He'd been growing it out almost a year now.

"Then I will kick their ass and get you a new roommate. Simple," Roman reassured Remus.

"Heh, thanks Ro," Remus smiled, still visibly nervous.

Roman grinned, "no one hurts my sibling and gets away with it."

On move-in day everything was a whirlwind. The car was packed past full and Roman was a ball of nervous energy.

"Remus, are you ready?" he called up the stairs.

"It's Renee today!" she called back down, appearing at the top of the stairs.

"Oops! My bad. Ready to go, sis?" Roman smiled broadly as she walked down, fussing with her skirt.

"Yeah!"

"Let's go! College here we come!"

Renee was unusually quiet during the drive. Roman spared as many glances away from the road as he could.

"You okay, hon?" He asked gently.

She nodded slowly, "are you sure I won't get funny looks during move in? Should I change into something masc before we get there?"

"No, you will do no such thing. It's a co-ed dorm, Ren. And I'm literally right down the hall," Roman shook his head.

Renee glanced down at her palm, "do you think I'll meet my soulmate today? I mean there's gonna be a lot of people there and it is a fem day…"

Roman smiled, "anything is possible, sis. Just keep being your beautiful self."

Thoughts of soulmates reminded Roman of his own frustrating mark. He kinda wondered what his soulmate’s mark said. Guess he'd think it sooner or later.

After the slightest confusion at sign in, he and Renee were ready to move into their dorm rooms. He decided to help Renee with her stuff first (and to make sure any roommate would know who they had to answer to). They were carrying in their first boxes and found her roommate already unpacked and chilling out at a desk with a book on existential philosophers.

The boy looked up and Roman and smiled extending a hand as he and Renee set down their boxes, "you must be Remus. I'm Janus. Nice to meet you."

Roman glared and opened his mouth to reprimand Janus but Renee spoke up first, "actually, I'm Renee!" she took Janus’ hand and shook it, "Remus is my legal name."

"Oh. Oh, my apologies! You would think I would know not to assume," Janus laughed uncomfortably, "sorry, Renee. It's charming to meet you."

"I'm Roman, her twin brother," Roman's mouth twitched. He was ready to cause a scene if things went south.

"Well, actually this is rather fortunate," Janus looked between the two twins, "I get the feeling you two will be understanding. I'm nonbinary and go by sie/sier pronouns. Again, I apologize for assuming. I hope we can get off on a better second impression."

Renee giggled, "that's so cool! I'm actually genderfluid. We can talk more later though, Roman and I still have to unpack all his stuff too."

Roman sighed in relief and turned to go get the next load of Renee's stuff.

After moving all her boxes from the car, Renee and Janus both helped Roman move his stuff into a room just down the hall from them. Even with moving Renee first, Roman’s roommate was nowhere to be found and he wondered if he lucked out with a no-show roommate and accidental single dorm room.

Renee was bubbly and excited, talking about her roommate and sier interests and opinions. Renee was already pretty infatuated with sier. Roman started to unpack his clothing.

"Ro, this is going to be the best! I'm so excited I can't contain it!" she started bouncing on the bed. Roman chuckled and pulled her into a tight hug.

Just then he saw a boy drowning in a purple and black hoodie stop at the door, double-checking the door number. He was so skinny, the only thing Roman could think was Tim Burton Reject but like Cute. The boy caught sight of Roman and Renee hugging and Roman almost thought he saw the 5 stages of grief flash through his eyes.

"Uh, should I come back later? I think this is my room…"

Roman grinned and walked over to the door, "come on in! Virgil right?" Virgil nodded, "hi, I'm Roman! This is Renee. Need help with your stuff?"

Renee waved and Virgil set his box down, "um sure, thanks."

Renee fiddled with her skirt, "Ro, I'm gonna go change."

"Okay, cool. Name when you get back?"

She skipped out of the room, "Reagan! Thanks Ro!"

Roman chuckled and smiled at Virgil, "you'll get used to them. They're genderfluid and switch kinda frequently."

Virgil nodded and started back down the hall to his car, "how long have you known each other?" His voice was tinted with barely noticeable jealousy.

"Since the day we were born. Reagan is my twin," Roman followed his roommate, oblivious to the confusion on his face.

"Wait.. siblings… ohhhh, oh thank god," Virgil was wide-eyed.

"What?"

"I thought Renee was your girlfriend. That would have been awkward," Virgil flushed with embarrassment and Roman broke out laughing.

"Wow, that's a first! I've never been told my sib looked like my S.O.! You're funny Virge!" Roman hit Virgil on the back in a friendly pat that sent the smaller boy stumbling forward.

They quickly moved the few boxes Virgil had brought into the room and both boys started unpacking. The room was tensely quiet until Reagan came barreling back into the room with their roommate in tow.

"Oh my God! You guys!! Janus is the sweetest bitch," their eyes were sparkling with excitement.

"All I did was offer to help with classwork," Janus mumbled. Sie looked at Roman and Virgil and could feel the awkwardness in the room that Reagan was oblivious to, "so, anyone know a good ice breaker?"

Roman and Virgil replied at the same time, "polar bears."

Janus snorted, trying to contain sier amusement, "not quite what I meant, but A for effort."

"Ooh, have either of you two met your soulmates?" Reagan grinned at Virgil and Janus.

"My birthday is in a couple of months, so I have no idea," Virgil shrugged, taping up an MCR poster.

Janus rolled sier eyes, "no, I'm not really trying to find them either. Their first impression of me is disappointment anyway and you know how impossible it is to correct a bad first impression."

Roman laughed, "I feel like I'm looking for the impossible! My soulmate’s first impression is that I'm straight . How?" he held up the pride flag that he was preparing to hang above his bed.

"I could imagine it if the first time they saw you, you were… I don't know, hugging your sister," Virgil coughed suspiciously.

"Well, I will quickly correct them. Shoot, I forgot to ask. Virgil are you okay with queer stuff all over my side of the room? Because if not we have a problem," Roman smiled nervously and Reagan snickered at him. He supposed he should have figured this out before outing Reagan to Virgil but better late than never.

"You're good, Princey. I might not be flamboyant but I'm definitely gay," Virgil smiled softly.

"How lucky you're rooming together," Janus smirked, "should we dismantle one of the beds now?"

Reagan howled with laughter as Roman and Virgil both vehemently denied that suggestion, faces redder than strawberries.

"Give it a month, Jan," they snickered, wiping a tear from their eye.

"Indeed, bet?"

"20 bucks says you're on."

"We're right here!" Virgil protested.

"Shut up, you know I love you guys," Janus replied smoothly.

"No. No, I don't know that," Virgil flipped up his hood to hide his face from the others and pulled out his DVD collection to sort it. Roman glanced over and gave a triumphant shout.

"I knew it! Corpse Bride, Alice in Wonderland, Nightmare Before Christmas, Beetlejuice? I knew you'd be into Tim Burton!" Roman grinned happily, "fantastic movies!"

"How? We've known each other for like an hour…" Virgil was confused.

"Ah, I think it was the hoodie. You just look like one of his characters, you know?" Roman's grin turned sheepish.

"Fair enough. That is my aesthetic," Virgil shrugged.

"So should we leave you two future love birds alone now or…?" Reagan chuckled. They could tell Roman liked his roommate a lot, even if he wasn't outwardly flirting.

"Excellent idea, Reagan. We can cause more mischief elsewhere," Janus turned to leave with Reagan following close behind sier.

The first semester of classes went chaotically fast. True to Reagan's prediction, Roman and Virgil started dating within weeks. Despite outward dissimilarities, the two made for a good couple, balancing each other's sweetness and snark and flair and dramatics.

Roman couldn’t help but feel nervous as the clock ticked closer to midnight. Winter vacation had been hard enough with Virgil on the other side of the country, but tomorrow was his birthday and Roman was anxious to figure out if the connection he felt with his boyfriend was as deep and as fated as he wanted it to be.

They were facetiming when the alarm Roman had set for midnight went off.

"Happy birthday, my chemically imbalanced romance!" Roman grinned as Virgil shook his head at the nickname, "where's the mark?"

Virgil chuckled, "can't I enjoy being legally adult for two minutes?"

"Virgillllll please?" Roman pleaded, puffing out his lip.

"Fine. I think it's on the back of my neck though. Hang on," Virgil turned off the camera to take a photo while Roman waited impatiently.

Roman couldn’t see his face but he could hear Virgil’s soft gasp, "what is it, love?"

"Did you really think that about me, Roman?" Virgil sounded upset and Roman wished he would turn the camera back on.

"I don't know, V, what does it say? Please turn the camera back on," Roman prodded gently.

The camera flicked back on and Roman could see the back of Virgil’s neck with a single line of shiny scarlet text, "Tim Burton Reject but like Cute."

"Your first thought of me was that I was a reject??" Virgil brought the camera back to his face and Roman could just make out the line of a tear cutting through his makeup.

"Virgil, it's not like that-"

"Well, it sure looks like it! Either that was your first impression of me or we aren't soulmates! I have to live with this on my skin for the rest of my life I deserve to know!"

Roman glared at Virgil, "quite hypocritical considering I have to live with the fact you thought I was dating my own sibling written across my ass!" Roman took a deep breath before continuing, "yes, my first thought of you wasn't the kindest phrasing. First impressions are so often very wrong. People aren't static pictures, they're living art. Just look at Remus; he's constantly changing. And I've seen you change in so many ways the past four months, Virgil. I would never call you a reject now. I'm sorry I did back then."

Roman watched Virgil’s face as he finished his apology. To his surprise, Virgil started to laugh, low and quiet at first but quickly growing.

"You were right though. I was so skinny, so dark, and so edgy- I think just about anyone would have agreed with you. I think you got the short end of the soulmate stick, Ro, because now you're stuck with me, the Tim Burton Reject," Virgil's smile was wide and genuine and Roman clasped his hand to his chest in relief.

"Oh my goodness, you scared me. I thought I was going to be single! Who knew your birthday was the actual nightmare before Christmas," both of them laughed at that, "goodnight love. Text me when you open your present."

Roman smiled as Virgil saluted and ended the call.

Thank the stars they actually were soulmates.

Tag List: @stoicpanther @ifrickenhatedeverythingaboutthis @idontgiveafuckaboutshit @tsshipmonth2020

#tsshipmonth2020 #Soulmate September 2020 #prinxiety #sibling creativitwins #lowkey platonic demus #virgil sanders #roman sanders #remus sanders #janus sanders #genderfluid remus #nonbinary janus #first impressions #cussing #college au #soulmate au

[genshinfanboy]

Time To Take a break.

|Hello everyone. Somehow I got fans. That's pretty cool. I have two more people for myself indulgent one-shots. So the two requests I have please forgive me for a bit longer. Also it seems as if everyone is simping for Childe and wants angst for him. This one-shot will be for Diluc and a cryo user male reader. Kaeya will also like the reader for this one but his feelings won't be returned. Like always you may change the pronouns to fit your own. Spoiler warning for a bit in the manga. Please enjoy.

Diluc x Cryo Male reader x one-sided Kaeya.

----------------------------------------------------

(Y/N) was a traveler who hadn't been to his home in Monstadt for a few months. He was making his way home. Hoping to see Master Diluc and Master Kaeya. He knew Diluc his entire life. He was a bit younger than Diluc by two years. When they were kids no one could seperate them. His parents had worked at the Dawn Winery his whole life which is why he grew up in one of the servant quarters. Around the age of 15 he had become a helper around the manor. He got into a bit of a habit of calling Diluc and Kaeya master after that point. Diluc seems a bit annoyed because of the habit. When he turned 18 he left the Dawn Winery to be come an adventure. He made a promise to always visit Diluc and Kaeya whenever he came back to Monstadt. He would be lying if he said he didn't have feeling for Diluc. The older male always made his heart skip a beat. When Kaeya joined their duo with his teasing (Y/N) learned how to easily maintain his blush. He always admired how much Diluc did for their beloved Monstadt. He decided he was going to surprised the red haired male later and went to the knight's of Favonious headquarters. He smile and waved at the knights at the door. They exchanged greetings before (Y/N) went in to find Kaeya. He ran into Noel and greeted her. He asked if she had seen Kaeya anywhere. "Oh yes I think I saw Sir Kaeya heading towards the cathedral. Would you like me to go fetch him for you?" She asked with a smile. He shook his head no. "I'll go find him myself thank you for the information Noel. Remember to take care of yourself." (Y/N) said patting her head with a smile. She had leaned into the touch before waving bye. He started making his way up the stairs. Sure enough he had seen Kaeya infront of the statue of Barbados. He had something in his hands. (Y/N) walked behind him and covered Kaeya's visible eye. "Guess who?" He quickly said to make sure Kaeya doesn't think he's under attack. "Hmm if I had to guess it would be someone who I love to tease and grew up with. Oh but we aren't that close anymore because he decided to leave Monstadt. I had to find a new best friend." Kaeya said with a teasing tone. He gave a laugh. He's liked the other for awhile now but knew he had no chance compared to Diluc. If he could steal (Y/N) from his adoptive brother he'd do so in a heart beat. Kaeya removed the hand from his eye and turned around. He was still holding the other's hand. He brought it up to his lips and gave it a quick kiss. "What do I owe the pleasure of this meeting to?" He asked with his signature smirk. (Y/N) shook his head with a laugh at the action. "Your flirting won't work on me. You should know better by now. I have a few people sending me commissions in Monstadt. So I've returned home for a bit. What do you got?" He asked pointing to the small package. Kaeya listened intently. "I'm glad your home. Perhaps you could help me deal with something. People around town have noticed Diluc looking rather pale and not the best in health. Charles in particular has been worried that he's sick and overworking himself. I told him I'd take care of it. So I went to Barbara to get some medicine. Then I started thinking who I should send to give it to Diluc. If I went I'm sure we'd end up in a fight. It would also be much more interesting to send you." Kaeya explained. (Y/N) listened to Kaeya's request. He looked a little worried about Diluc. He overworked himself to the point of illness when his father passed. The younger male never wanted to see Diluc like that again. "Leave it to me Kaeya. I'll make sure He rests and gets better." (Y/N) said with a determined look. "I'm guessing you don't want your name mentioned Kaeya?" He got his hair messed up in response. "Always one step ahead of what I'm thinking (Y/N) I don't want to cause a conflict. Let me know when he is better." Kaeya said before walking off. Sometimes he wish the younger male would've fallen for him instead.

(Y/N) made his way to Angels Share to make sure Diluc wasn't working at the Tavern. He peaked his head in and saw Charles behind the counter. He gave a sigh of relief. "Hey Charles is Master Diluc at the Winery?" He asked with a smile. "From what I know he is. I wish he'd stay there. He is planning on coming in later. Everyone has tried telling him to stay home. He refused to listen to anyone though. You might be able to keep him down to rest. I asume that you're not going let him come here? At this point I'm sure who is more stubborn. You or Master Diluc." Charles said with a sigh. (Y/N) gave a small laugh. "We'll see if I can make him stay in bed." He said before waving bye. After a bit he had made it to Dawn Winery. He greeted several people he knew from when he worked there. He saw the head maid and asked where Diluc was. He was a bit relieved to hear that master Diluc was in his room but also worried because he was getting ready to do vigilante things. He informed her that he'd take care of him. He made his way upstairs to Diluc's room he knocked on the door. He wanted to make sure the older male wasn't in the middle of changing. "For the last time I am going and you can't stop me." Was heard from the other side. (Y/N) walked in. "You look awful Master Diluc. I will stop you if I have to. Charles told me that you were sick and I got worried. I wanted to check on you. Why are you pushing yourself so much?" The younger male said crossing his arms. Diluc looked surpised to see (Y/N) there. "I have too much to do. The Abyss Order has been super present. It's no time to worry about a small cold." Diluc stated not looking the other in the eyes. "Your body is just going to get weaker and weaker the more you continue like this Master Diluc. For one night would you be willing to leave the matters to the knights? I know you dont want to think about that idea but please do it for one night." The younger male asked. Diluc gave a sigh. He fixed his gloves and got ready to head out. "I'll be fine (Y/N) I am always fine. You're welcome to rest here if you'd like. Coming back from Liyue must've been tiresome. Also just call me Diluc. You've known me your entire life. There is no need to use master before my name." He stated before he ended in a coughing fit. He walked past the other heading towards the door after the fit was over. He was almost to the door when he felt two arms wrap around his torso holding him in place. "Diluc please I'm begging you. I don't want to see you collapse. I already had to see it once. I never want it to happen again. If you can't trust all of the knights at least trust Jean. One day is all I'm asking of you. We haven't seen each other in a year and I come back to find out that you are ill. I care too much about you to let you destroy yourself. I fell in love with you forever ago. If you don't return my feelings it's whatever but I will not stand by idly and watch you destroy yourself. If you won't rest willing then I'll use for if I have to. I know you're not one for physical interaction but holding you like this is the only way I can think of to get you to stay. " (Y/N) said holding onto him tightly. He saw Diluc turn his head to look at him and saw reluctance in his eyes. Diluc stood there for a moment thinking he was sure (Y/N) could feel his heart beat. "Fine one day." He muttered with a deep sigh.

(Y/N) gave a relieved smile. He let go of Diluc and watched him take his coat off. "Get your sleepwear on and I'll get you some water to take a bit of medicine." He said with a soft tone. He walked out to get some water for the other. Diluc felt his face heat up as he changed. He felt his exhaustion finally catching up with him. He didn't realize how tired his body was until then. He laid down to wait for (Y/N) to come back. He'll just sneak out later when the other was asleep. He waited a few minutes before his eyes started feeling really heavy. Before he knew it his was asleep. (Y/N) had decided to make Diluc some soup. He saw the relief in the servants eyes when he came downstairs grinning proudly. He wondered how long Diluc pushed himself for. He gave yet another sigh as he finished making the soup. He came back to Diluc's room and saw him asleep. He set the soup down on a table and walked over. He placed a hand on the other's forehead. He frowned the temperature was definitely higher than normal. The other was always warm compared to (Y/N). He wondered if it was because of their visions. He activated his cryo vision lightly in his hand on Diluc's head. He didn't want Diluc over heating. He was going to be taking care of the man he loved for hours. He knew Diluc pushed his body way to hard. He stayed by Diluc's side for hours taking care of him. He would tend to Diluc whenever he woke up in a feverish fit. Sometime in the middle of the night he fell asleep resting part of his body on the bed beside Diluc. The next morning Diluc woke up feeling groggy. He didn't remember much of yesterday. When he started waking up more He felt a bit more weight on his bed than usual. He quickly sat up in a panic before he saw his childhood friend next to him. Did the idiot not take care of his own needs? He started recollecting his thoughts from the day before and remembered that (Y/N) literally confessed to him. He also remembers a cooling sensation on his head at points when he was sleeping. He noticed his friend's vision and how close (Y/N)'s hand was to him. He cooled him down all night with his vision. His face matched his eyes and hair at this point. He felt shifting beside him and looked over worried. (Y/N) woke up looking around a bit disoriented for a second. Then he noticed Diluc sitting up. He instantly woke up. "Diluc how are you feeling?" He asked seeming worried. "I'm fine thanks to you. I have a question. Did you mean it when you said you loved me?" Diluc asked once again looking away from the younger male. He heard a bit of laughter and felt his heart sink a bit. Was that just a joke? He felt more weight right next to him. He glanced over to find the (H/C) haired male sitting next to him. "Of course I did. I can't believe you didn't notice from my years of obviously crushing on you since I was 15. When you became the Calvary captain I was swooning for you. Everyone else knew. Kaeya used to tease me about it constantly. When I left for Liyue I told you that there was something important I had to say when I returned. It was my feelings towards you. The question is do you feel the same about me and would you be mine?" He asked leaning slightly into Diluc's personal space. He just got a small nod. Which put the biggest grin on the younger male's he wrapped his arms around Diluc's shoulders and kissed his cheek. "Then would you rest a bit more for me?" He wanted to make sure Diluc recovered completely. He was fond of the dark blush on the older male's cheeks. It was definitely a rare sight to see and he loved it. He got a nod and hug in return.

|Thanks for reading.

#genshin impact #kaeya #genshin x reader #male reader #genshin diluc

[maskedjoker]

We are getting really close to the scene in lost fragment of snow that was genuinely confusing in the book, and it's the scene were everyone in the circus is killed. I think what we will probably get is a scene were mana finally ends up giving into despair after he is hit and then allen is fed to a lion.

I think that with more current info, i can say for sure that sleeve earl and mana are a hybird. This will likely cause a resurgence of sleeve earl into taking over the body and becoming whole. This only lasts for a short time however and when cross confronts him after the rest of the circus has died from the audience turning into akuma(which i suppose are implied to be constantly just around the earl and is probably one of the many reasons cross warned Allen to stay away) some exchange of words or damage causes a lots of control. This damage however also hurts mana(or potentially just being forced out off control) causing him to loose even more memories as seen when mana and Allen reunite the next day.

Now i think we can agree that sleeve earl exists as a third entity, especially since her recent art exhibit interview, as she talked about the suit being a super sophisticated golem. I think in this case as with tim and lero yhat "golem" refers to AI. Id argue with the weird phrasing like helix of life and all the biotech style that magic is more often than not just more advanced technology, and wherever the noahs came from likely was, hence why they say they only seem strong because we have become so weak. This is only further shown with innocences resemblance to machines like its gear like parts and percentage resonance.

The noah memories in general i think are some kind of AI that passes through generation lines, carrying significant portions of its past forward and then fusing with a similar person in their lineage. For example early on road would have been just road, then through some means either became an AI(or was given a piece of someone that counts as one under golem, its unclear). Regardless once connected to the noah memory, it acts like a save file and becomes more sophisticated with time. It carries each life and gives all those memories, feelings and drives to a new body. So new road would remember being road, her life and everything, but also the life they had been living up until the two combined. Over time the noah memory keeps getting larger and larger to the point new experiences are so small, relatively speaking, that it overrides much more than normal. Since they are fuzed as one being they likely cant be separated without mutually assured destruction, were the current entity will die and any remains will not be the origionals, if anything remains at all. An example of this is that tyki could not be made human by Allen I their fight i the arc, despite having a blade that should destroy only part of him. Admittedly tyki is a special case though, and more tyki backstory is needed.

Changes from body to body become more subtle, but the base, which likely has a distinct core function as seen by its response to certain tasks and ideas, remains a strong aspect. This creates an almost reincarnation like effect for them, needing to only find a new body to continue.

The suit is like this, but different. I don't know how the original earl split, but i do think that some aspect of him was placed on the suit. I would like to say its the original version of the noah memories of the earl and nea got like a brand new copy, but i actually have no idea what memories he has of being past earl so its mostly a guess. Regardless the noah actually all seem to transform in some way when they get mega pissed. Im looking at you skinn, jasdevi, and tyki/joyd. So the suit is likely that kind of thing, but way more distinct and capable of acting autonomously. Since they all have different forms it makes sense that his would also be unique. They all probably represent some inner desire related to their memory. Skinn is just rage so big angry man works fine. Jasdero and devit are bonds so they want most to be one. Tyki got all fucked up before he changed so i got nothing, but it had a heavy does of sadism, which I guess is pleasure? Taking into account that killing in horrible graphic ways is his guilty pleasure it kinda makes sense.

So because of that, this sentient AI is constantly trying to pair with half a fucking brain because nea and mana only share one brain cell. Some kind of resistance from mana or strain causes him to constantly fall ill or comatose. Now to be clear on naming, sleeve earl does not refer to themselves as adam in the mirror scene nor does he refer to mana as adam, and only uses "we" when talking to mana about being the earl. Oddly enough the earls self pronouns are we, using wagashi which is kind of like the japanese equivalent of the royal we used in europe for the entirety of the series. For the record, mana in the flashbacks uses male or single they pronouns, i don't remember if he uses boku or watashi, but he uses at least one if not both.

So from this it seems millennium earl is a title, used by whatever is paired with the suit. Adam is the original name of the noah, and is the preferred name of the current earl aside from the title.

This circumstance was likely caused by the rest of the noah, who are using the earl for something related by the pillar. His separation either by accident or by intent was likely by the hands of his family trying to keep control for their ends. This is why the current earl is called a broken puppet and has so many things around him related to acting and stage plays. He is playing a role, the red clown to allens white clown as stated in the ark arc. He even wears a mask. His memories and mind have been damaged though, therefore broken. However broken puppet for both allen and the earl could also refer to a puppet that doesnt work as a double meaning, implying they can no longer be controlled or puppeted.

It is also implied that he is still unaware of this betrayal, but it is likely nea does to some degree as it would explain why he became a traitor and killed his own family. To be clear, i dont think all of the noah know everything, and i dont think they dont actually care for the earl. It seems they still genuinely follow him to their death and see him as one of their own, especially in cases like road, tyki and wisely.

Now early i said that different generations of noah would cope woth reincarnating differently. Since the earl only died once before 7000 years ago, id say resetting to a new body with only 17 years would be just smashed flat by any algorithm with that much data. However manas feelings are still the newest, and so still have an impact even on the current earl.

Now we come to resurrecting mana. How? Why? Well i dont know. But my guess is whatever part was the memories of mana for the 20 or so years he lived, or at least his memories at death, are in allen. His curse and weird hallucinations of mana seem to suggest it. Alternatively that part of his soul may have passed on, or it fuzed with the noah memory making the origional mana part of the hive and much like tyki and his noah memories cannot be seperated. Not good regardless.

As two additional things, i want to mention that hoshino is a twin and has always been obsessed with it, so having twins in her book was inevitable. What is extra weird is hoshino was actually going to be a triplet, but either her or her sister absorbed it before birth. She has mentioned it in dgm interviews and i cant PROVE it translates to anything in the plot but its suspicious. She also still list mana, nea and the earl as distinct in every book up to date in extra novels and at the start of her books. Oh and her favorite hat for the earl right now? The one featured on the most recent chapter? Has two faces on the front that are visible, and one in the back thats hidden, and the most recent art has the back face as the only one visible, angrily staring allen down. Great art foreshadowing if im right. Its also usually sleeve earl, if not exclusively, that wear it.

The second thing is mana talking about love and drive in the most recent chapter just brings up the earl having the noah memory of love or devotion or something for me. Ive written about it before but it just seems to fit. This character is all about that from the ability to fuze loved ones together to the hearts he talks with and his drives being based on grand acts of devotion, being by their side etc. Mana also loved and adopted both and dog and a homeless child and keeps talking about how the world is so beautiful despite all the bad. The earl literally acts like the whole noah clans mom by his own words and cooks for them, and both of them go out of their way to be cartoony to break tension. The earl literally goes and buys a single red rose from a poor girl while tyki pontificate on how he doesnt act like a villain. He doesnt take an umbrella because he wants to feel the rain. He talks about how what he does is in human nature and requires a connection between two people. He is even designed with his ideal colors as red and purple with white, as well as being designed after flowers. I know this probably doesnt make sense, but its stuck in my head.

#long post #ramble #mine #dgm #d. gray man #spoilers #theory #mana #nea #adam #millennium earl

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

@theeyethatbinds​ Girl SING IT. SING IT LOUDER FOR THE GIRLS IN THE BACK, SWEAR TO GOD.

Like I’m gonna be real wit y’all I was looking forward to le Comte for a while, but I was always side-eyeing Jeanne. He’s a blunt hermit and grump and 100% mood, so I hoped his route would give me more insight into how I feel about him.

Ladies. When I tell you. It was EXCELLENT. I mean there are so many gr9 routes in the game, I don’t want to take away from them, but there was just something about his that hit me so hard???? (MY KOKORO BROKORO)

More under the cut since his route won’t be out for a little while (we still got Isaac, then Theo, then Jeanne), as a little treat. As usual, pls don’t read if you don’t want spoilers, thanks!

Okay so going into this route I was fully expecting the big sads. I mean, if history has taught us anything it was that Joan D’Arc was a badass but good lord, that doesn’t mean the people of her time were kind to her. (I need to do more thorough research on her, so if I’m getting any of her pronouns wrong or neglect something, I do apologize.)

That being sad, I was like aight DECK MY SHIT WITH TRAGEDY, JEANNE. And at the beginning it’s p fascinating. He’s very ornery and resistant to any kind of consideration or attempts at friendship MC extends. But eventually, after a good deal of persistence, he relents little by little.

I’d also like to level with y’all for a sec. Being someone who knows a great deal in regards to the kinds of mental and emotional shit Jeanne struggles through, I think they handled that part of the route so, so well. Granted, I’m not the kind of person to launch a crusade over different writing styles--but for me it just feels all the more poignant when it makes sense; when certain dispositions or trauma are conveyed with that depth. To me, it made 100% sense that Jeanne would be so against accepting other people into his life immediately.

He and Mozart vibe because they’re so similar, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s comfortable letting just anyone in--much less a complete stranger. I think it’s more that Mozart and Jeanne share a kind of indelible bond/mutual recognition through their talent, actually. They were both prodigies, absolute geniuses in their fields (military vs. music) but their social skills were shot to hell for the very same reason. To be brilliant--beyond one’s potential posthumous legacy--tends to mean being hated. Plus, they’re both principled to absolute extremes. When they’ve decided on something, they will not waver. They’re stubborn and austere, but behind those walls lies a molten core of sensitivity.

This is important to understanding him, I think, before I move forward.

While one could argue that their reaction is a result of that deficiency of emotional and social support (which I entirely concede does contribute to the matter at hand, it shouldn’t be overlooked) I think the real crux of the matter here is control. Think about it. Among the oldest residents in the mansion (let’s say that were born more than 100 years within the range of the present period of the game) are Mozart, Jeanne, Isaac, and Shakespeare. What do they all have in common?

Extremity. For Mozart, it comes in the form of a kind of OCD, as perfectionism. For Jeanne, it is generalized anxiety and PTSD. For Isaac, it is primarily social anxiety--but it’s still noticeably severe. And Shakespeare runs around with a knife, insecurity through the roof, literally unable to trust anything or anyone (psychosis? schizoaffective? I’m really not sure, these are all ballpark assessments based on the evidence I have). In order to adjust to their new surroundings, there was a cost--and in some ways their coping mechanisms become noticeably maladaptive. They were born into eras that were mercilessly unpredictable, and the only way they knew how to cope was to was to either take the blame--make it a personal failing that tragedy struck--or try to immerse themselves into their craft. They all seek to regain some kind of control (this is even visible in Vincent, to a degree--painting was an escape from his emotionally turbulent world).

Granted that’s not to say that the others don’t struggle with such issues at all, I just feel like the characters from more unstable time periods tend (as a general trend) to mirror that instability within their personalities.

All that being said, (I apologize I am a tangent-monger and love meta), Jeanne’s self-imposed isolation is only partially caused by the above dynamic. Yes, he is unwilling to let people into his heart for fear of betrayal. (It’s almost like an entire nation clamoring to watch you burn for something you didn’t do after spending your entire life and talents trying to protect them would do that to you, but I digress >:| ). But there’s another devastating and potentially less obvious reason for keeping people out.

He thinks he deserves it.

Loneliness, melancholy, aimlessness. These are all the punishments that he incurred on himself after a life of what he conceives to be considerable sin (hahaha battlefield enemies go ripppp). Whether or not he was operating purely out of a sense of duty, even if he felt sympathy for his enemy combatants, it’s not enough. And the condemnation of his king, of his entire nation, only served to magnify that self-loathing to a dangerous degree. (Don’t get me started on his parents I’m still so angry >:| they more or less disowned him since he was constitutionally weak as a young boy, and thus could not serve as an adequate farmhand. Don’t work? Don’t eat/live).

It’s hard enough living in a reserved way because you’re afraid of getting hurt, but to think that you deserve it when hurt finds you, no less? And my favorite part, that he’s so profoundly sure that it is an extension of a personal, fundamental failing? That for a person to survive, they must be strong, that there can be no other way--that there is no time or space for ruminations on fairness or unfairness, there are only those who manage to survive and those who die.

Now my friends, esteemed comrades, legendary sluts. Is that enough for us, Cybird asks, are we feeling enough pain quite yet? Fuck no.

Most of his route after we get over the hurdle of his hesitation is just him. Being. Bashful and gentle as all FUCK. Like he is the definition of “I'll kill you, but also I’m babie.” For instance, she insists on teaching him how to read and write at night when she finds him trying (and not succeeding) to read “The Ugly Duckling”. Yes I mean the children’s book. I CRIED THE FIRST TIME AND I’M CRYING NOW. So, naturally, MC buys him a notebook to practice with and he puts his name in big letters on the front. When MC sees this, she asks him about it--wondering why he would given he’s so self-conscious of his own writing (boy writes all squiggly like a little kid because he’s never done it before ;-;).

The scene goes a little something like this:

MC: Wh....whatcha go there Jeanne? Jeanne: ? My notebook? MC: I...mean that you wrote your name on it? Jeanne: Yeah? MC: Why? Jeanne: ._. It was a gift from you, and I figured it'd be hard to practice if I lost it...so I put my name on it... (HE WAS SECRETLY TOUCHED I BET AND IM--) MC: Why such big letters? Jeanne: So people can spot it quickly, obviously MC, inches from crying and laughing: Jeanne: Mademoiselle??? Why are you laughing? MC: Because you’re cute, Jeanne!

Like. They start out so rocky and Jeanne is so SIGH. I guess I’ll agree if it’ll get her to stop looking so sad and ask me to join her for stuff. But then he just can’t help but go full softe at how patient and kind she is, starts feeling comfortable just...being who he is deep down. A man that’s always hoped for better in life, a person that only ever takes up his sword to protect--that has an incredibly pure and clear heart, despite so much pain.

And good lord, they are GOD TIER romantic slow burn???? Swear to everything holy, I was BEGGING for them to make out by like chapter 10, I was just suffering for most of the route until the bangarang premium. Here’s probably my favorite moment in the entire route:

Basically Sebastian and Mozart pull out all the stops trying to bring Jeanne and MC together (once they see Jeanne show some interested in her). And so Jeanne asks her to join him in the courtyard the next morning, and they’re playing with Cherie (Jeanne’s pet baby white tiger). Besides being ungodly adorable--because Jeanne invited her for the sole purpose of hoping to see her delightfully surprised--Mozart begins to play a love song nearby. They don’t name the tune, but Jeanne canonically starts singing along (I wholeass cried, I WANT TO HEAR HIM SING????). And so she asks what the song is about, and he explains that Mozart once played it for him, but he couldn’t make out the words at first. Mozart explained that it was a love song that speaks to the difficulties of being in love (the worry, the strife) but also the beauty of the intensity and passion. He goes on to say that even when he learned the words, it never made much sense to him back then--it never resonated.

He’s singing softly with a fond look, and so she asks, does he understand it now? And he looks her dead in the eye, and says “...I think I’m starting to.” Like. AM I SUPPOSED TO NOT LOSE MY MIND AT THE TENDERNESS????? WHAT A SMOOTH MOFO????? MAN RAISED TO BE A SOLDIER, NO KNOWLEDGE OF ROMANCE OR WOMEN, AND KILLS ME IN MILLISECONDS?????? I DEMAND JUSTICE. (Or it’s just me thinking sincerity is the best aphrodisiac, but that’s beside the point.)

This has been your quarantine 2d boy meta and yelling, provided by your local mod Minnie. Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s time to get to the things I’ve been procrastinating on while reliving/dissociating about one of my favorite rts in the entire game. Stay safe and well out there y’all, peace out!

#ikemen vampire #ikevamp #ikevamp spoilers #ikevamp jeanne #ikevamp mozart #yall like #this reply just launched me right back into my jeanne feels #i dont have words for how much i love him #he's just such a good dude????? such a good dude #he really is trying his best pls give him love for me if you can #i binged his route almost as hard as sg's bc it was just t h a t sweet and compelling #i also cried like a baby #he deserves better and he deserves love #i will protect him forever #does that mean that in every single route i am acutely aware of the fact that I can't help him? #:))))))))))))))))))))))))))) life is pain. life is a party and jeanne and i are the pinatas. #and no i dont wanna talk abt it there will be no more questions LDKJH #just kidding around if anyone has any questions yall are free to send em! I'll answer to the best of my ability~ #anyhoot ty @theeyethatbinds for bringing all those good feels back #you are a legend and you have wonderful taste we stan **cheers**

[butnobodycame627]

So I recently made a post where I shared some art of my new Adventure Time OC, Mushroom Wizard. I wanted to make a post where I talk more about them, or at least what I have figured out so far, so... here is that post haha.

So! Here is my new OC! Some of these details might change at some point but for now this is what I have figured out.

So as I already said, their name is Mushroom Wizard (often nicknamed Mush or MW).

I ship them with Fern because... why not?

And they use they/them pronouns.

So now I'll start talking about the stuff that I haven't talked about yet. First off: their powers! As a wizard, they have magic. Duh.

Still trying to figure out a lot of their powers and the limits of those powers, but here's some stuff I've got figured out:

Mushroom Monsters

(Sorry I'm bad at animation oof)

Mush carries a jar of mushrooms around with them. Using mushrooms, they can create monsters to help them in combat. They do not get into fights often, but on the rare occasion that there is one, this is their most useful ability.

The monsters are quite strong and they are also venomous. Additionally, even if you defeat many of them, Mush can always make more. Obviously, there is a limit on how many mushrooms Mush can bring with them, so if they run out of mushrooms to use, they'd lose the fight.

Again, still figuring some stuff out about these powers, but that's the main idea.

Healing

There are probably many forms of healing magic in the land of Ooo, but I like to imagine Mush's kalimba is magic. Using their kalimba, they can play a healing song.

They cannot revive the dead and they can only heal physical damage, but it's still a very useful power.

Not sure what the song would sound like yet.

Creating small illusions

This isn't something they've practiced a lot, but they can make some small illusions.

Speeding up growth of mushrooms

Not a very useful power but it's probably a thing that they can do =/

Next I wanna quickly talk about their job and where they live so... here's that.

Their job

So as I said, I think there are probably many forms of healing magic. I like to think that they have a shop in Wizard City where they sell items that can be used to heal people. Whether it be instruments (like their kalimba), potions, some kind of bracelet or crystal or something that speeds up the healing process... idk, stuff like that.

Not sure if they would sell anything else?? =/

Where they live

They live in a mushroom forest. Not an original idea but I don't care, mushroom forests are cool.

Not sure exactly what kind of house they have and idk whether or not they live with anyone else? I'm still figuring stuff out with this character if it wasn't obvious haha.

So next thing...

Personality, talents, etc.

Just gonna shove all this into one category.

Since they are a magic user, they have MMS (Magic, Madness and Sadness).

Madness isn't a huge problem where they work because everyone in Wizard City has MMS. They do realize that people outside of Wizard City are different and so they worry about people seeing them as insane or weird. This is the main reason that they don't really talk to a lot of people, they're really scared of being judged or making people uncomfortable.

When meeting new people, (specifically non-magic users,) they try to hide their emotions a lot of the time. When they get more comfortable around a person, they become incredibly emotional and their MMS gets more visible.

Mush can, as I said before, play the kalimba. The healing song isn't the only one they know, it's just the only song they play that is literally magical. They can play many other songs.

I like to think that since Fern can no longer play the flute, Mush might try to teach him to play the kalimba ^-^ (I've heard it's a pretty easy instrument to learn, so Fern probably wouldn't get frustrated with it =D)

Mush is also pretty good at art. They enjoy drawing. I don't have much to say about that.

Uh they can probably speak French. I often make characters that can speak English and French because... I can speak English and French. So idk there's that.

They get uncomfortable in large crowds of people. It makes them very anxious and upset.

I don't have much else to say I don't think? Still figuring stuff out. Like I keep saying. Oof.

Feel free to send asks about Mush, I'm having fun drawing them and coming up with ideas for their character.

#bad art #oc #original character #adventure time oc #ocs #original characters #adventure time #at #at oc #mushroom wizard #reference sheet #digital art #digital drawing #digital illustration #art #drawing #illustration #idk what else to tag this as so =/ #yeah I really hope people like Mush 🥺 #I wish I had more ideas for them but oh well

[crystu-cii]

XD Yeah, better to do the stuff that's harder to do at home in school imo-

Ooooh well good luck if/when you ask-- XDD

It is the perfect opportunity to have short hair! Why do you think I buzzed all mine off! XD I think you'd look lovely with short hair -w-

I don't wanna grow up either tbh XD but like *freedom--* how close is freedom and short hair to your grasp anyways? XD

Pixie cuts are actually a fem haircut, but a short bob would also be super cute :3 also I'm a femboy XD well.. I own very little fem stuff bc I didn't like being perceived as a girl so I got rid of the stuff and then later I was like "...wait fuck i still like dresses--"

STIM SQUADD-- I always get nervous mentioning stimming bc people will be confused and I suck at explaining stuff- yesss sameee!!! I bounce on my bed or rock in place when I'm happy(and alone bc family thinks it's weird ;w;) or pace around the house XDD OMS YES I WAS SO EXCITED WHEN WE BECAME FRIENDS AAAA-- I have a friend I ramble to about everything I love too!! Her name is Jade and we adopted each other as siblings asgkhdj-- ASJKF ITS NOT WEIRD OR CREEPY AT ALL IVE RAMBLED TO JADE ABOUT YOU BEFORE XD 💖💕💞💖💞💕

Technically I have access to both but my computer can't handle minecraft so I play bedrock ;w; although can't you play cross platform if you use a realm tho-? I'd have to check but--

Also something tells me that if everyone you ask has bedrock you picked the wrong version XD

A ferris wheel?? Terrifying- XD sounds fun tho!!! Aside from being so high in the air XD ferris wheels are pretty tho so I can forgive them :3

ahh TYSM! 😭💞❤️💕💖💝 and it ISSS like UGH- but the only thing my mom decided to try out was make my hair layered- cause she would always cut my hair where the ends are all straight and even- but imo i liked layered hair so much more! still wish i had it short tho- xDD

but how close freedom is? gosh i would ask my mom the same question- but im just assuming its whenever you turn into an adult- but i guess i gotta wait and see ;0;

and ooooo i see! random but im also debating whether i am cisgender or not- im kinda leaning that im more cis but im also debating if im bigender(?) or something- ive already accepted he/him pronouns so i guess thats a start- but again ahh i dunno ;w;;

and omgg YESS and aw your family thinks its weird? thats not good ;; - OKAY HOLY CRAP THAT REMINDED ME OF SOMETHING THAT PISSES ME OFF- okay so like- i also pace and walk around places SO DAMN much- like- i swear- i walked like a million circles in my room xD- but i also tend to do it in public and my mom would literally YELLL AT ME whenever i do it! and then she would say "im getting a headache just by looking at you. and others will too." and im mentally like "aight- then thats your fault for looking at me- not mine???" *-visible confusion-* and it doesnt even have to be in public- even when were in the house and im next to her, she would get mad at me- and UGHHHHH IT DRIVES ME crazy i hate it 😭😭

but thank gosh she doesnt yell at me anymore (i think) maybe cause she was just tired of yelling at me for it orrr she realized she can neva stop me xDDD but i just still get mad that my mom would yell at me for something i consider so harmless ;0;;

but OMGMG YAYY- rambling to friends about things its just amazing XDD literally to larie and tree i was like "HRYEHEYHEYE SO I MADE THIS NEW FRIEND ON TUMBLR AND I RAMBLE OF EVERYTHING TO THEM AND THEY RAMBLE BACK AND ITS AWESOME GUSYGUDYUGYS-" like i GO BONKERSSS 💖😭💕💝💖❤️💞

and OOOoohh i see! but aww rip computer- and crossplatforming on the realms? i didnt know bout that! but i never really joined a realm before- i attempted to when a server made a realm and i wanted to join but my game was like "n o"- i dunno why but wahh xDD

but lowkey i guess i DID xD but i actually use my brother's minecraft java account since he barely plays minecraft anymore- (sometimes he does tho) and he gave me it wayyy back then- i started playing it at 2013! and man it was a journey- and it also held pretty embarrassing memories- i would rage on the servers so much- xDD ;W; but i was lowkey crazy when i heard everyone i meet had bedrock instead- i was like- "GUYS BUT WHAT ABOUT HYPIXEL?!(HWJFKAU" but then again- i never had bedrock before so i guess i cant blame em for getting it instead xD and im cheap so i dont think i'll get myself a bedrock account any time soon

and hell yeah! it was pretty scary since my fear for heights is kindaaa big- but i handled it well xD it was fun :D

#the rambles of crystu

[planetkookie]

Don’t Throw Out My Legos

Summary:  When Virgil moves out, he's a little nervous. Thankfully he has people there to comfort him.

Warnings:  Kinda anxiety attack ish? Swearing

Words: 5351

Notes:  Hey again! I had this idea when listening to AJR and I think it's really cute soooooo yeah Title and Song come from Don't Throw Out My Legos by AJR: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdOIHNF2vJc  Hope you enjoy!

Link to ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19094320 

-My new address is hard to remember

So I wrote it on the back of my hand

'Cause I leave the nest, this coming December

To make it as a grown man

I'm about to lose my only defenders

I'm packing up whatever I can-

Virgil stared at the door to his new apartment, gripping the keys tight in his hand. Smudged ink pen written on the back of his hand matched where he was at the moment, about to open the door to something he owned for the very first time. His cheeks were flushed from the bitter cold of midwestern winter and the nervousness of a young adult moving away from home. He had worried about this day so many times as a teenager, but now that he was here, it was so much worse.

He had lived with his parents -bless them - throughout college. Having gone to a local college, it made logical sense to him, and they had insisted that they wouldn’t mind. Still, he had felt like he was depending on them. And so, here he was, staring his new life in the face. He didn’t know if he could do this. He could hear his dad’s voice in his head, encouraging him to take that one step forward. And he could hear his pa’s voice as well, telling him there was nothing for him to be worried about, and that no matter what, he’d be fine. Putting the key in the lock and turning felt like the hardest thing he had ever done.

Sitting down by the heater he had plugged in, Virgil took a break from unpacking for the day. His chest felt tight, and his breathing was coming in short breaths. Taking out his phone, he tapped on the first name he saw, listening to the sound of it waiting for the other person to pick up. Suddenly a face appeared on his screen, and he smiled partly down at his phone. Roman, his boyfriend, grinned up at him.

“Hey Hot Topic! How’s moving going?”

He felt the tension in his chest lessen. “It’s fine. Hard. It’s crazy to think I’m moving out. When do you think you’ll be down here?”

“Not too long, why? You miss me?”

Rolling his eyes, he looked away from the screen, feeling his cheeks heat up. “Definitely not. Just mentally preparing myself for when you actually get here and I have to deal with you again.”

“Te amo tambien, V.”

They laughed and talked for a while about everything they could. As Virgil watched the sun sink down through his window, a lump formed in his throat. Biting his lip, continued to watch the sunset, half listening to Roman’s rambling. He remembered back when he lived with his parents they would go out once a week and just sit and watch the sunset. He would grimace at his dad being affectionate with him and his pa, secretly cherishing it. Not that he would ever tell. His pa would point out the constellations as they appeared with the darkness, and he loved to teach Virgil and his little brother, Emile, all about space. Sometimes they’d bring picnics and blankets to lay on during the summer, and he remembered that he’d fallen asleep many times under the stars, his dad’s fingers running comfortingly through his hair. And whenever the sun would get to just a sliver of light on the horizon, his pa would carry him to the house and return him to his bed. Something wet dripped down his cheek.

“-gil? Virgil? You okay?”

Suddenly he was brought back to reality. It registered that he was crying- shit why did he always have to cry?! When did it get this warm? Swallowing, he looked back down at the phone. Roman stared up at him, his brow furrowed in concern. How long had it been since he had checked out?

“V, what’s wrong?”

“I miss them already. Isn’t that pathetic?”

Roman’s brow furrowed as he observed Virgil. “Who?”

“My parents. And my little brother too, I suppose.”

“That’s not pathetic at all! They’re literally your family. Hey, maybe you should call them. Maybe that’d help you feel better.”

Roman smiled that soft smile that Virgil couldn’t resist, and he couldn’t help but smile back. “Yeah, okay. I think I’ll do that. Sorry I’m cutting the conversation short…”

He saw Roman roll his hazel eyes. “Oh stop. This is for you, okay? I’m not blaming you for moving out and missing your parents, ya dork. I get how you feel. I’m terrified to move away. But we will do this together, okay? Now go talk to your parents. Tell them hi for me, yeah?”

“Okay.”

“I love you, mi amor. So much. I’ll see you soon.”

“Yeah, I love you too. Don’t get into too much trouble.”

Virgil clicked the end button and scrolled down to the picture that indicated his dad’s contact. He smiled wistfully at the dorky picture of him and his dad and clicked the call button.

-Been waiting for today but

All I can think to say is

Oh no, don't throw out my Legos

What if I can't let go

What if I come back home, back home-

Almost immediately, the phone screen showed the face of his dad. It was clear he had been cooking as the kitchen was visible behind him and his glasses were fogged up. His curly blond hair was a little messy, faint dustings of flour apparent in it. The countertops of the kitchen behind him were covered in bowls and ingredients for what Virgil recognized as peanut butter pie. Virgil could basically smell the aroma of the treat, having had eaten it on many occasions. It was one of his favorites. His dad was phenomenal at making treats like that, and suddenly, he felt the strong tug of longing to be back in his old home, the warmth and love of his family surrounding him.

He remembered the last time he and his dad had made something together. It was for Emile and his pa’s birthdays, and they were making thumbprint cookies filled with Crofters jam. They were his pa’s favorite cookies, and it was basically the millionth time that he’d help make them, but for some reason, he could remember feeling that this was special. As he mixed together the ingredients, his dad bustled around the kitchen, preheating the oven, gathering ingredients for dinner, and every so often, giving Virgil tips on what to do. His pa came in from outside, hugged his dad close and pressed a kiss to the blond curls. Virgil had rolled his eyes with a smile as Emile stumbled in from outside right behind pa, his glasses lopsided and a wide grin on his face. They had been planting flowers, and Emile had chased Virgil around with his dirty hands as Virgil ran around the kitchen, screaming like a kid. He missed that.

“Hey, bud! How’s moving going?”

“Fine, I took a break for today. I got most of the stuff set up that I need, like bathroom stuff and my bed. I’ll probably work on decorating and stuff tomorrow.”

“Sounds good. Is Roman there yet?”

“No. He said he was coming soon though.”

“That’s good.” His dad smiled and turned his head slightly to look behind him. “Logan! Come say hi!”

His pa came into frame, squeezing next to his dad. His stoic expression was broken with a soft smile, one Virgil knew he and his dad and brother were the only ones who got to see. He was struck again with that sense of longing. He missed them so much. Choking up, he turned his head away so the two older men wouldn’t see his face.

“Hey, pa.”

“Hello Virgil, how is moving into your new apartment?”

“It’s good.”

He could see out of the corner of his eye his dad’s eyes narrowing as he inspected Virgil. “Bud, are you sure you’re doing alright? You don’t have to put on a face in front of us, you know that.”

Virgil knew that all too well. His parents always preached being open about feelings and ideas, and that nothing you ever thought was inherently stupid. That philosophy helped him in so many ways, and because they tried to never put down any of his ideas, he felt comfortable telling them about what had been going on with him.

He remembered telling them about his anxiety at around 12 years old. He remembered being so sure that they would brush off his feelings, just like his friends had. Just the thought of telling them made his chest feel tight. Knocking on the wall next to the kitchen to announce his arrival, he had walked into the kitchen and asked to talk to them about something. Having taken after his pa when it came to information, he told them point blank how he was feeling, and to his surprise, they wrapped him up in a hug and promised to do whatever they could to help.

He remembered when he came out to them for the first time. He was 15, a freshman in highschool, and he had just asked if he could get his hair cut short. While they had agreed, it not being a big deal, his pa still asked if he had a reason. At the time he had said he wasn’t ready. In the salon, when he saw his light brown locks strewn across the floor, it stumbled out of his mouth. A simple, “I’m transgender.” The weight of the secret was lifted from him as he sat in the chair, staring at the ground. At first, he had thought their silence had indicated that they either hadn’t heard him or were upset, but when he turned around, his dad was crying and once again, they hugged him tight and asked what they wanted them to call him and what his pronouns were. It was one of his most cherished memories.

He remembered coming out a second time as well. His boyfriend at the time had been pestering to meet his parents, and although he knew that his parents wouldn’t care, for some reason he didn’t feel ready. Damien, the boyfriend in question, had insisted and insisted to the point that Virgil had it all planned out. The day he was supposed to tell them he had a panic attack. He could remember the fight to get air into and out of his lungs, he could remember sweating and sweating and sweating so much even though his room was air-conditioned and he was in a tank top and shorts. He couldn’t see anything. His pa had come into his room to bring him down to dinner to find him panicking on his bedroom floor. After calling his dad up, his pa had sat down next to him, talking to him softly to try to get Virgil out of his own head. Curling further into himself, he had bit out the truth that he had been panicking about in the first place. “I’m gay…” They stayed with him until he stopped crying, letting them know they loved him and always will. Afterward, he had promptly broken up with Damien. He hadn’t felt comfortable with him anyway.

He sighed in resignation, turning back to look at his parents. “I miss you guys. So much. I’m having a hard time letting go.”

-Oh no, don't throw out my Legos

What if I can't let go

What if I come back home, back home

Can we keep my Legos at home?

'Cause I wanna move out

I don't wanna move on-

He saw his parents smile back, and his dad said, “We miss you too, buddy. Trust me, Lolo can totally vouch for me that I absolutely sobbed when you moved out. We’re in the same boat as you. But you’re doing so good. You’re everything we could have asked for in a kid. Though don’t tell your brother that.”

His pa nodded, adjusting his glasses. “Patton is completely right. You are much more than what I expected in a child. We’re both extremely proud of you, Virgil.”

The lump in his throat was stuck tight, and all he could do was nod. He saw his dad’s eyes soften as he fought back tears. He had cried enough tonight. “Virgil, you know you’re welcome here any time you need, right?”

In reality, he had known that. He had known without a doubt in his mind that his parents would let him come stay whenever he needed. If he had a bad day, if he just wanted the company, anything. But he had become an adult. And with adulthood came the idea that going back to your parents for anything was weak. He had told himself quite often that he shouldn’t be missing home. He shouldn’t want to go back. If he went back, he would probably end up wanting to stay. Even if he only went for one night. It’s not like he hadn’t wanted to move out. He did. And now, he was free, he had his own life now. That should feel liberating for a young adult with nothing he had to do except his job. But now that he was hearing it from them, the truth of it all was shoved in his face. It wasn’t weak. Of course he’s going to miss his parents. It’s not like he had been moved out for years. Quite literally it had only been a few days. He had driven out to his new apartment on Monday. It was normal to miss the place he had called home all his life.

“Yeah, I know.”

“Good.”

Virgil clenched and unclenched his hand, trying to distract himself from everything inside of his head. He wanted so badly to just be fine with moving out. Fine with letting go. Fine with growing up and leaving everything he’d ever known. But for some reason, everything inside of him told him no. Virgil knew he had wanted to move out- he still did! He was proud of himself that he was moving out and becoming an adult! But he couldn’t get out of his head that he wasn’t ready. That he was making a mistake and leaving the safe place he had called home for all 22 years of his life. Now that he was out of college, the whole “moving on” thing was coming too fast.

“Hey dad, can you do something dumb for me?” Fidgeting with his sleeves, he stared at the wooden boards on the ground. “Can you, uh, would you mind…” He shook his head, making his dyed purple bangs fall into his face. He swept them away with a brush of his hand and continued looking anywhere but the screen. “Nevermind. It’s nothing.”

“Virgil,”

“Where’s Emile?” He was desperately trying to change the subject, and he was sure his parents could tell. “He out with friends?”

His dad chuckled, expression softening. “Not really friends, just one ‘Friend.’"

“Ohhhhh! So what’s the kid look like? What’s their name?”

“Virgil,” his pa cut in again with a sharp look. “Stop changing the subject.”

He could feel his chest tighten. Looking over at his pa, he pleaded silently with him to just let it be for once. His pa grumbled quietly before turning away with a small, “Fine.”

His dad looked like he was going to burst from excitement, and Virgil could tell that he was bouncing on his feet. “Okay okay okay!! So, their name is Remy. They’re really sarcastic and straightforward, just like Logan, but they were so sweet with Emile. They brought him flowers! Isn’t that so cute?! Oh, I can’t believe Emile’s on his first date… Reminds me of when you first introduced me to Roman!” Their family didn’t talk about Damien. “He was so kind and such a gentleman as well. I’m happy you found him, Virgil.” His dad smiled wistfully, and Virgil could see little sparkles of tears in the corners of his eyes. “You and your brother are growing up so fast… I’m so proud of you two, I hope you really do know that.”

“Thanks, dad…”

He could feel his heartbeat in his throat when he finally hung up the phone.

-People want shirts with the band name on it

And suddenly we ain't so bad

Saved up enough to rent an apartment

Far away from mom and dad

My Christmas card looks like a mugshot

'Cause suddenly I'm getting sad-

Virgil tugged on his My Chemical Romance shirt as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. He forced himself to turn away from his bed, the soft looking comforter devilishly calling his name. Shuffling to his new kitchen, he started his coffee and prepared for another day of unpacking. It had been three days since he moved in, and he had two more boxes to finish unpacking before Roman got here. Which should be today. He should really hurry.

Downing the coffee, he placed the mug into the sink and dragged himself over to the two stacked boxes. Taking a pair of scissors to the top of the box, he opened it carefully. Trinkets and posters among other things stared back up at him, a glaring reminder of his childhood that he left behind. Taking them out one by one, he placed the stuff he had brought from his old room around him. Pokémon stuffed animals, cartoon posters, and little toy cars that he’d kept over the years surrounded him as he sat on the floor, getting lost in the memories of the past.

The door opened and Virgil bolted up, his cheeks flushed from surprise. Too many thoughts were rushing through his head. He could’ve sworn that he had locked the door. Nobody else should have a key. Except… Roman. His heart rate slowed as he turned around to see who it was, and thankfully it was who he thought it was. He breathed out a sigh of relief as he ran across the room to his boyfriend, enveloping the taller man in a hug. A kiss was pressed to his head as Roman wrapped his arms around Virgil as well, and Virgil melted into the hug, breathing in the sweet smell of the taller man. Everything, all his worries and anxieties, drifted away for the moment.

“Hello, mi amor. I told you I’d be here soon.”

“I missed you…”

“I knew you did.”

Virgil shoved Roman away from him, laughing. “Oh shut up! You’re lucky I don’t have the couch set up yet for you to sleep there.”

“We’re already going there huh? Oh, such a shame! Not the couch! Don’t subject me to the couch!”

He turned away from the dramatic antics of his boyfriend, walking back into the living room where his stuff was still on the floor. He could feel Roman’s presence behind him, observing the apartment. He heard Roman say something but the words didn’t register in his head. Staring at the floor where his things lay, he sighed, trying to pull the shirt around him tighter. Maybe he should just throw all this stupid junk away.

No… He’d never be brave enough to do that.

Virgil could feel the nervousness of being on his own settle in once more. He supposed that he should probably get used to it. It seemed like it was going to be a normal occurrence. But he was an adult, and he had to do adult things, and one of those things was moving out and moving on. It seemed simple enough on paper, having written it down right before he started looking for apartments. But now that he was here, everything scattered around him like a tornado had hit, it was much more difficult than he could have ever imagined.

-Been waiting for today but

All I can think to say is

Oh no, don't throw out my Legos

What if I can't let go

What if I come back home, back home

Oh no, don't throw out my Legos

What if I can't let go

What if I come back home, back home-

The apartment was finally finished. Little touches of Roman and him were scattered throughout, a perfect mix of ridiculously emo and fantastically Disney. Or at least that’s what Roman had said. They had taken all of the extra stuff they had left over and put it in a box in their storage closet. He hadn’t wanted to part with anything in the box but he wasn’t going to flaunt the stuff all over their apartment.

The black cloud that had hung over his head for the first few days or so had finally departed. It was a relief to wake up and not be miserable with the fact that he had moved. He found it kind of funny, as soon as his sadness and homesickness had gone away, Roman’s had shown up. He had woken up to him curled up on the side of the bed, quietly sobbing. Virgil knew this had been a long time coming. Roman was the oldest of five, and from what he had seen when he had visited the Hernández family, all four of his little sisters looked up to him like he was the Sun. It was pretty cute.

Currently, Roman was in the kitchen making dinner for that night. Both his parents and Virgil’s were coming over, as well as meeting for the first time. The siblings were joining too, so they had a lot of mouths to feed. Virgil had been banned from the kitchen since earlier that morning, with Roman shooing him out because he was ‘a disaster waiting to happen.’ He supposed Roman was right, he was pretty terrible at cooking. His specialties lay in baking. That’s what he would have been doing now if his dad hadn’t insisted on bringing something to contribute. Oh well.

He could hear Roman singing in the kitchen. That was something he found extremely endearing with his boyfriend, that whenever he was doing something, from cooking to exercising, he was always singing something. As of right now, Virgil identified the songs as show tunes from one of Roman’s favorite musicals- Wicked. And though he knew his voice wasn’t the best, he sang along with his boyfriend quietly, adding in the parts that Roman didn’t in the duets. He and Roman made a pretty good Glinda and Elphaba if he did say so himself.

“BOO!”

Hands grabbed onto Virgil’s shoulders as he jumped with a loud squeak. He turned around and glared at his boyfriend with mock anger as he calmed himself down. “That was mean!”

“What? Can’t scare my own boyfriend? Lo siento my poor poor prince.” Roman snickered, patting Virgil on the shoulder. “I heard you singing along with me, by the way. Not too bad for an emo like you.”

“Aw, what a compliment. I’m so very flattered.”

“As you should be!”

Virgil reached up, pulling Roman down into a soft kiss, tangling his fingers into thick dark brown hair. They were interrupted with a knock at the door.

-Can we keep my Legos at home

'Cause I wanna move out

I don't wanna move on

Can we keep my Legos at home

'Cause I wanna move out

I don't wanna move on-

The door opened to show Roman’s parents and sisters, all smiling widely at the two boys. Age ranging from 10 all the way up to Roman’s dad’s 48, they were all tall like Roman, and as Virgil led them inside, he couldn’t help but feel so small. The Hernández family was also big on hugs, unfortunately for him, and he was enveloped by the biggest group hug he had probably ever been in. Another knock at the door gave him his escape.

His throat closed up as he opened the door, and he could feel tears prick at the corners of his eyes. While it had only been a few weeks since he had seen them, it felt like seeing his family after months without them. Willing himself not to cry, he let them in. As soon as they were all inside, his dad crushed him in a hug, and the tears that he had held back flowed down like a waterfall. He had missed his dad and his pa and Emile so much. It felt so good to be back in his dad’s arms again. He felt safe and secure as if nothing would ever hurt him again. He was home.

After the two pulled away, teary-eyed and smiling, Virgil saw that Emile hadn’t come alone. Standing next to him was a short person with sunglasses and a Starbucks cup. Their stance was confident, but Virgil could tell from the slight tremble of their hands that they were nervous to be here. Emile had his hand closed around who Virgil assumed to be Remy’s free one, and Emile pulled them forward with a small tug.

“Virgil, I’d like you to meet someone.”

“It’s Remy, right? Nice to meet you, I’m Emile’s older brother.”

The pink haired boy gaped widely at his response. “But- how- DAD?!” He turned towards their dad, eyes blazing. “I told you I wanted to tell Virgil myself!”

His dad smiled with a small shrug of his shoulders. “Whoops!”

Shaking his head, Virgil turned back towards Roman and his family, smiling at the group. “Well, Mrs. Hernández, Mr. Hernández, and mini Hernándezes, this is my family.” His dad leaped forward, eyes shining with a wide smile on his face, grabbing Roman’s dad’s hand and shaking it. “Hey! It’s so wonderful to meet you finally. I’m Patton Taylor, Virgil’s dad. And back here, the really tall stoic one,” his dad laughed at his husband’s expression, “is Logan, my husband. And the other one with glasses is my other son, Emile. The person standing next to him is his partner, Remy.”

Mr. Hernández smiled warmly. “It is nice to meet you, Patton. I am Marco, my wife is Alisha, and these are our four daughters from oldest to youngest, Adelina, Carmen, Josefina, and Mariposa. Say hello, girls.”

The four grinned widely and said hello. Two, Adelina and Josefina were wrapped up in Roman’s arms, Mariposa was standing next to her parents, and to Virgil’s surprise, Carmen had bolted up to him after he greeted his family and wrapped her arms around him.

Roman grinned down at the two in his arms. “Shall we eat?”

A chorus of yes followed them to the kitchen.

-It's cold out there, you're standing there

You're trying to face your greatest fear

You're shivering, you're trembling

It's warm in here so come back in

Oh no, don't throw out my Legos

What if I can't let go

What if I come back home, back home-

After dinner, they were all sat in the living room, the Hernández sisters playing on the Wii against Emile and Remy as the parents talked. Virgil was curled up into Roman’s side, half listening to the conversation and half not. He was trying focus, truly he was, but his mind was drifting too far away.

A squeeze of his hand brought Virgil back to reality. Roman was smiling softly down at him, his hand running through Virgil’s hair delicately. The siblings along with Remy and Emile were still playing video games, but now they had moved on to Mario Kart, where Mariposa was absolutely demolishing everyone. He brought a free hand up to his face, rubbing at his eyes and pulling the hand back with a small “Shit!” as he remembered he had eyeshadow on.

“Well, good morning Sleeping Beauty!” Roman chuckled to himself. “I was wondering how long you’d be asleep.”

Virgil could feel his face flush as he looked away from his boyfriend’s gorgeous hazel eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know I fell asleep.”

His dad laughed. “Oh Virgil, that always happens when you’re cuddling. You should know that by now, silly. Plus, we don’t mind. I could tell you needed some rest anyway. You look exhausted.”

“I’m not- I’m not exhaust-” His sentence was cut off with a yawn and he looked down, embarrassed. “Okay... Maybe I am a little tired.”

“Oh mi amor, you silly boy.” Roman laughed, pressing a kiss to the top of Virgil’s head. “You’re fine. Plus I got to hear embarrassing little Virgil stories!”

“WHAT?! DAD WHY?!”

“Why are you blaming me? It was all your pa!”

“PA?! Betrayal. I can’t believe you. How dare.”

His pa just laughed and shook his head. “It made for good conversation material, seeing as you were sleeping. Next time, don’t fall asleep, V.” “Oh wow. Okay. Geesh, you think you can trust someone-”

“Oh stop being emo, Virgil.”

“PA! What the heck?!”

Laughs went around the group as Virgil’s cheeks burned redder. Mrs. Hernández interrupted with a small, unassuming smile. “Roman had an emo phase too.”

“WHAT?!”

“Mamá no! Don’t bring that up!”

She passed Virgil her phone and staring up at him was a picture of his boyfriend but younger, in all black and with bangs falling in his face. He couldn’t help the laugh that came as he compared the picture to the man holding him. “Damn, Ro. You were committed to that style! Makes me look a little pathetic if I do say so myself.”

“Shut up!”

“Nah.”

-Oh no, don't throw out my Legos

What if I can't let go

What if I come back home, back home

Oh no, don't throw out my Legos

What if I can't let go

What if I come back home, back home

Oh, no, I'll come home when I'm grown

It won't be the same though

I can't even go home, go home

Can we keep my Legos at home?

'Cause I wanna move out

I don't wanna move on-

The Hernández family left after a few hours. Mariposa had a soccer game to go to and the girls had to be torn away from Roman. After a teary goodbye, everything seemed much quieter. After having been engaged in conversation with his boyfriend’s parents, he had nothing else to say. At some point he had migrated to the couch where his dad sat, his head on his dad’s shoulder as the rest of them talked.

“Dad?”

“Yes, Virgil?”

“...It’s stupid. Nevermind.”

“Falsehood.” His pa interrupted the conversation with a vigor that Virgil didn’t expect from him. “Nothing you have needed to talk about with us has been stupid, so why would this be any different?” He sighed. “It’s just… I don’t know. Um. It’s not as important as all of the other things that I’ve told you. And plus it’s just kind of a dumb request anyways.” He shook his head, curling further into his dad’s side. “Sorry I brought it up.”

Roman walked over, taking a seat right next to where Virgil sat. “Mi amor, you know they won’t judge you for anything you say. Don’t let your anxiety win because you think it’s dumb.”

“Yeah… You’re right Ro. I hate that you’re right.” He coughed, his face burning. “So… Um… would you mind keeping the Legos that I still have at home? I know it’s silly, I know, but just in case I have anxiety while I’m there or something, or even just because…” He picked at the nail polish on his fingernails self consciously. “I don’t know. It’ll be nice to have something there that is a reminder of my childhood. Or whatever. Uh… Nevermind. Forget I asked.”

His dad chuckled, ruffling Virgil’s hair affectionately. “Is that all it is? I was worried it was something bad. Of course we can do that for you, V. It’s no problem. Plus, it’ll give the kids something to do.”

“Kids?”

“Yeah! You know, when you and Ro adopt or Emile and Remy or whatever!”

“DAD?!” Emile looked up at him in shock, his face bright pink against his freckles. “What the heck?!”

“What? What did I say this time?”

“Oh gosh…”

Taglist: 

@tacohippy56900

also @stars-and-rose cause I think you’re gonna like this one ;P

#songfic #thomas sanders #sanders sides #tssides #ts sides #roman sanders #virgil sanders #virgil centric #prinxiety #logicality #remile #remy sanders #sleep sanders #emile picani #parents!logicality #human au #moving out #moving in together #emotional hurt/comfot #swearing #my writing

[kaylorevidence]

Media References

This masterpost is going to contain a collection of articles that reference Karlie and Taylor and/or suspicions that Taylor might not be straight - starting in April of 2019. Also here’s the link to the website version. Enjoy!

APRIL 2019:

VULTURE:

What the Hell Do All These Taylor Swift Clues Mean? An Investigation

“My personal favorite theory hails from the Kaylor shippers, the faction of Swifties that believes that Taylor Swift and her former BFF Karlie Kloss were romantically involved. The theory is that Swift has been dropping hints about her love for Karlie Kloss since the Reputation era. On Tuesday night, Kaylor shippers picked up on something crucial: During Taylor’s performance of “New Years Day” at the TIME 100 Gala, Swift seemingly changed the lyrics from “I want your midnights” to “I want her midnights” not once, but twice. “New Years Day” is the final track on Reputation, which, in theory, could segue into the “next chapter…”

Also, the Reputation CD skin pictures a collaged photo of the pop star — but Kaylors think it’s actually a dual image of Swift and Kloss, which sends the incognito message that they are one. That collage-image theme is bleeding into this new album cycle, too — we’ve seen it used again in photos from her Elle U.K. photo shoot. In the Reputation song “So It Goes,” Swift sings, “Cut me into pieces, gold cage hostage to my feelings, and our pieces fall right into place.” Swift loves a puzzle, and these images actually look like puzzle pieces. Plus, some Swifties hilariously posit that her Instagram of chickens wearing sunglasses was a reference to Taylor and Karlie in sunglasses — the “chicks,” if you will. She wants us to solve the Kaylor puzzle, you guys.”

Okay, So Now What Is Taylor Swift’s Giant Butterfly Mural Supposed to Mean?

“It would be nothing short of irresponsible if I didn’t begin with the Kaylor drama. Swift has a faction of superfans called the Kaylors, which is also the “ship name” or portmanteau of her and Karlie Kloss’s names; the Kaylor shippers believe the two were romantically involved in secret. There are many theories swirling that whatever Swift has been teasing for a big 4/26 reveal will heavily allude to her relationship with Kloss. Just look at the mural.

Painted by Kelsey Montague (you’ve seen her other wing murals in every IG influencer’s photos, surely), the butterfly mural is bleeding bisexual lighting and brimming with rainbows — the official sigil of the Queers — and cats — the mascots of Lesbianism. As one Twitter user pointed out, the mural also looks impossibly similar to a giant set of rainbow butterfly wings that Karlie Kloss rocked at the 2013 Victoria’s Secret fashion show — you know, that same year she and Taylor walked the runway together. The mural also contains two ladybugs in the top-left corner — ladies, noted. *loosens tie*”

NYLON:

Is Taylor Swift Trying To Tell Us That Kaylor Was Real?

“When Twitter user @mckinneykelsey said "it has never been a better time to be a long-time Kaylor conspiracy theorist," she wasn't wrong. The larger-than-life wings look oddly similar to a pair that Kloss wore on the 2013 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show runway. Additionally, their matching tie-dye shirts in IG pics? Super-gay, and I'm super into it.

Mckinney also pointed out that Swift's potential single dropping at midnight shares the same date as Lesbian Visibility Day, and this sounds exactly like the kind of dramatic plan Swift would concoct if she were to ever plan a public coming out.”

BUZZFEED NEWS:

Taylor Swift Unveiled A New Song And Music Video After Teasing Fans For Weeks

“There’s also the long-standing conspiracy theory about Swift’s relationship with model Karlie Kloss that suggests the two were more than just best friends. Fans speculated based on a series of photos, song lyrics, and tabloid-recorded moments that Swift and Kloss were romantically entwined, shipping the two on the internet as “Kaylor.”

Then when Swift performed at this year’s Time 100 Gala, she apparently switched the lyrics in her song “New Year’s Day” from “I want your midnights to “I want her midnights.”

In addition to her colorful aesthetic on Instagram, Swift also unveiled a butterfly mural in Nashville on Thursday, painted by street artist Kelsey Montague. Inside the butterfly are rainbows, hearts, and other colorful symbols. Some fans thought it could also be a metaphor for Swift’s sexuality. One journalist even pointed out the similarity between Swift’s butterfly mural and a butterfly costume Kloss wore in a 2013 Victoria’s Secret runway show, further alluding to the “Kaylor” conspiracy theory.

Fans also pointed out that April 26, the date that Swift had been counting down to for her big reveal, is Lesbian Visibility Day.”

Why So Many Of Us Believed Taylor Swift Was Coming Out

“For years — years! — we’d gathered every clue.

Kissgate. All those rainbows! Swapped lyrics featuring female pronouns. Lyrics that just seem really gay. The cats. The donations to LGBT causes. That performance with Hayley Kiyoko. Today, April 26th, the day of Taylor Swift’s long-awaited announcement, is literally lesbian visibility day.

I can’t claim to be nearly as much of a #Gaylor diehard as the true champions who’ve dedicated themselves to combing every last social media post, every public appearance, every exchange — however brief or seemingly insignificant — for evidence of Taylor’s queerness (and/or evidence of a romantic relationship with her sometimes-bff Karlie Kloss). But there’s always been a deep, deep part of me that suspected one of the century’s biggest pop stars, as maniacally loved as she is deeply loathed the world over, plays (at least some of the time) for the girl’s team.

But particularly in the last few days, I’ve lost my head completely. I wouldn’t even call myself a Taylor fan, but I became a full-on #Gaylor truther, yelling at all of my colleagues that, surely, this famous lady was going to come out — as bi, as gay, as something. Jill Gutowitz’s investigations at Vulture had me hooked. The mural Taylor commissioned, revealed in Nashville yesterday, could not look more like the wings Karlie wore at the Victoria Secret show in 2013 — the year both she and Taylor walked in the show. Why would Taylor change some lyrics to “her” this week, of all weeks? Why???”

AUTOSTRADDLE:

Taylor Swift Didn’t Come Out But She Sure Did Make a Gay Music Video

“Taylor Swift sure did whip up our frenzied speculation that she was going to come out tonight with the release of her new music video. First of all, she showed up at the NFL draft in Nashville wearing a pansexual pride flag as a dress to talk to lesbian icon Robin Roberts who was wearing pantsuit, okay? And then she announced the new single was going to be called “ME!” and there’s a butterfly on the album cover and also the song is a collab with Panic! At The Disco pansexual heartthrob Brendon Urie. Gay, gay, gay, gay!

Alas! She did not come out!

But the music video is gay as all hell. Rainbows, a thousand women in suits and ties, unicorns, cats on cats on cats.

Anyway, that song “Dress” from Reputation is still gay and you won’t convince me otherwise.”

#kaylor masterpost #taylor swift masterpost #taylor swift #karlie kloss #ts7 press #kaylor

[wolf3223]

Sorry to be blunt with this one. How did you figure out your gender? I found I been enjoying crossdressing lately and not sure if that affects anything else yet. ---{---@

No, you're completely valid! You'd be surprised how often I get this question from friends who are figuring out they're not cis lol. I'm going to be honest. Gender is weird. It's intangible, and no one but you can figure out what your gender is. I'm still figuring out my gender, and right now I identify as a trans masculine person.

I didn't really question my gender like I did my sexuality, I just kind of realized one day that I didn't really feel comfortable being called a girl or a woman. honestly, it was soon after I cut my hair short for the first time haha. But being called a girl, it just didn't quite fit, you know? So I started using she/her and they/them pronouns. I identified as a demigirl/demiperson for a little bit, but then I went home from college and other people were using she/her pronouns for me, and I realized they thought I was a girl. My friends at college knew I wasn't, so it didn't bother me then, but honestly? From that summer on (like two years ago), whenever someone used she/her pronouns for me, I just genuinely got/get confused.

Around the same time, I realized that I had always kind of felt uncomfortable with my chest and started wearing a binder. It felt good, looking down and not seeing my boobs! I was looking like I never knew that I wanted to be. I felt more comfortable in my skin, but less and less comfortable with she/her pronouns and my birth name. I realized that I needed to change my name after I ordered food and they called my deadname and I literally just... didn't respond. Like it didn't register that it was my name. After Halloween, I switched my name to Beauregard, or Beau, a name I had been thinking about (yes, thank you Critical Role and Marisha Ray lol). I changed my pronouns to just they/them around that time.

Last summer, I started going to a therapist to get T, and I looked up all the stuff it would impact and it made me really happy and excited! I started the second of January this year and I'm already growing a tiny moustache (but visible!) and the barest hint of a beard (it'll be there someday lol) and my voice is deeper. I feel more like how I was meant to be! I'm at home in my skin and don't avoid myself in the mirror anymore, though I still do hate being in public without a binder (hopefully I can fix that next summer). Last fall, I was thinking about when I got called sir at work (I wasn't on t and it wasnt very often...) or when people used he/him pronouns for me, and realized I kinda liked it! It didn't feel off or wrong like she/her pronouns, so I just kinda shrugged and picked that up too lol.

Now I use he/him and they/them pronouns, but that's subject to change. I can't tell you if you're trans or not, that's something you need to uncover yourself. But there's no deadline! Take it at your own pace. Some women like "men's" clothes and some men like "women's" clothes. It might not run deeper than that! But no matter what you find out about yourself, you are going to grow as a person! This isn't an easy process, questioning, and gender affects SO much more than sexuality does. It's difficult. But you're not alone! If nothing else, I'm always here, my askbox is open, and you're welcome to message me anytime! Sorry for the long answer, I just like to answer thoroughly with this kind of stuff!

#asks #long asks #my asks

[waitineedaname]

An Evolution of Friendship

Or: Karkat isn't quite sure why he cares so much about these assholes, but they sure are part of his life now.

also on ao3!

Sixth Grade

“You’re in my seat!”

The kid sitting in your - your!!!! - seat at the lunch table frowned up at you, blinking mismatched eyes, and spoke with a thick lisp. “There aren’t assigned seats, stupid. It’s not your seat.” You clenched your fists and continued to yell.

“I sit there every day!”

“So? I don’t see your name on it!” The kid challenged. “Go sit somewhere else, you’re annoying.”

That’s it. Dad was gonna be so mad if you got in trouble, but he shouldn’t have been the one to teach you the swear words anyway.

“Asshole!” You shouted as loud as your eleven year old lungs would let you.

“Shithead!” The kid spat back, bristling.

“Bitch!”

“Dick!”

You drew in a deep breath, and then yelled so loud it practically echoed. “Fucker!”

There was a brief hush that fell over the cafeteria, and the kid with the mismatched eyes gaped up at you.

“Karkat!” Your teacher had suddenly appeared, furious. “Silent lunch!”

“But-”

“No excuses! You should be grateful I’m not calling your father and telling him what you just said.”

“Hah!” The kid who practically started this by sitting in your seat looked smug.

“Oh no, you too, Sollux.” Your teacher said, and the smug look disappeared.

“What?”

“You were clearly antagonizing him. Both of you, silent lunch. Come on.”

You and the annoying kid - Sollux - were both ushered to the end of the table where the teachers could keep an eye on you. You sat opposite each other, both of you scowling deeply. You stuck your tongue out and got a tongue back.

You spent the rest of the week in silent lunch, making faces at each other from across the table. At first it was to piss each other off, making more and more obnoxious faces while still trying to be quiet, but it didn’t take long for that to dissolve into trying to make the funniest face and get the other to laugh first.

The next week, you were allowed to sit in your regular spots, and Sollux sat down next to you. You were inseparable ever since.

Ninth Grade

You could never understand why teachers fucked with the seating arrangement at least once a year. Just when you’re getting used to the people around you, you have to move? Fucking ridiculous.

Not that you had needed to get used to your table partner. As soon as your earth science teacher had said you could sit wherever but he’d change it after the first quarter, you and Sollux had plopped your shit down together, but still. It was the principle of the matter.

Now Sollux had been moved across the room to be table partners with Terezi, which you were sure you’d hear plenty of complaining about from both of them. Honestly, they would probably end up being the most productive pair in the room. You, on the other hand…

You had been paired with Gamzee Makara.

You didn’t really know Gamzee that well. He’d apparently moved to town over the summer, and he seemed to mostly keep to himself. He sat at the back of the room on the first day and always walked in reeking of weed. That was the extent of your knowledge and all you needed to know to conclude you’d be carrying the brunt of all the group work for the rest of the semester.

You dropped your shit on the table, and Gamzee looked up at you from where he had his cheek propped on his arms. A sleepy smile spread across his face. You answered it with a scowl.

“You better not expect me to pull your ass into a passing grade just because we’re grouped together.” You said right off the bat. Gamzee raised an eyebrow slowly.

“Wasn’t expecting nothin’, motherfucker. I’ll handle my own grade, don’t you be worrying about it.” He spoke with a gently dipping drawl, voice far deeper than a freshman had any right to be.

You were about to snarl something else at him, but the teacher started talking and you didn’t want to get called out for being the loudest person in the room again. After a brief PowerPoint lecture, the teacher passed out a worksheet to each pair with instructions to work together.

To your surprise, Gamzee sat up and pulled the worksheet closer to himself to read it. You had kind of expected him to sleep through the assignments and make you do all of it, but here he was clicking a pen and already scribbling an answer to the first question.

“Hey,” He drew your attention to the second question, “D’you remember the difference between marshes, swamps, and bogs? I always get my shit mixed up with them, ain’t had a chance to study yet.”

“Uh.” You blinked at him, then shook yourself out of your surprise. “Fuck, I don’t think I know either. Hold on-” You started rifling through your notebook, and Gamzee pulled out the textbook.

Well. There might be more to Gamzee Makara than you thought.

—

Tenth Grade

“I’m just saying, it’s a load of shit! They act like their class is the most important thing in the world, when news flash! It’s not! We’re all taking other classes, asshole, and extracurriculars too! But sure, I’ll dedicate two hours a night to all your useless homework! It doesn’t matter that none of this shit helps me understand the chapter any better and I’m having to do it in my scrap of free time between all the other dozen extracurriculars I’m forced to do!”

The three of you were sitting in Sollux’s car after you had finished gorging themselves on fast food, and you were yelling your chosen tirade of the hour as Sollux and Gamzee listened patiently. Or, they would be if “patiently” meant “debating the merits of strangling your best friend” and “two seconds from falling asleep draped across the backseat”, respectively.

“Who the fuck is forcing you? You’re in eight different clubs because you’re an overachieving dumbass and have no self control, KK.” Sollux countered with the exasperated tone of someone who’d heard this same rant a dozen times now.

“College is forcing me! And their unrealistic expectations! Oh, take all the hardest classes and be in all the clubs, and oh! You have to have a leadership position in all of them too! And a job! And then maybe we’ll consider you!”

“Man, you gotta chill out sometime.” Gamzee said with a laugh, shaking his head. “You ain’t gotta worry about gettin’ in anywhere, you’ll get into anyplace you apply at.”

“As much as I hate agreeing with the reigning idiot, Gamzee’s got a point. You stress yourself out way too much, and that’s coming from me.” Sollux grimaced. “I can’t believe I just agreed with Gamzee.”

Gamzee laughed in a loud way reminiscent of a self-satisfied goose. “You know I’m motherfucking right, brother! Wait.” He paused and seemed to be in thought. “Sister? Sibling?”

Sollux’s lips quirked. They’d come out as bigender to the two of you not too long ago, and it hadn’t taken too much trouble to adjust to their pronouns. Things like this still popped up every now then, though.

“I mean, both brother and sister work. I like sibling, though.” Sollux said, clearly trying not their hardest not to be visibly relieved that Gamzee was willing to adjust the way he referred to them.

“Hell yeah, my best motherfuckin’ sibling.” Gamzee grinned, broad and easy, and reached up to ruffle Sollux’s hair, laughing when they squawked and swatted him away.

You watched the two of them for a moment, hesitating. Something had been worrying at the edge of your mind for a while now, and Sollux coming out might be enough to give you the courage to talk about it. “Hey, Sollux?” You said.

“Yeah?” Sollux said, squirming out of Gamzee’s reach. “What’s up?”

“Do you like guys or girls?” You winced as soon as the words left your mouth. There was definitely a more tactful way to say that, but thankfully, Sollux didn’t mention it.

“Uh, both I guess. I’m pretty sure I’m bisexual.” They said with a shrug. You nodded thoughtfully.

“I think I might be pansexual.”

“That’s cool,” Sollux said at the same time Gamzee yelled “Fuck yeah, me too!”

“Wait, what? You too, Gamzee?”

“Yeah!” Gamzee said, grinning. “Motherfuckin’ girls are hot, boys are hot, non-binary folks are hot,” He added with a poke to Sollux’s shoulder, “Everybody’s motherfuckin’ hot!”

“Wow, thank you so much for the validation, Gamzee.” Sollux said, voice dripping with sarcasm as they rolled their eyes. “All my self esteem issues are cured because the head jester of the Kingdom of Stupid thinks I’m attractive.”

“You know I always got your back, sib.” Gamzee said, honking with laughter again. “Motherfuckin’ always.”

—

Eleventh Grade

“Gamzee, stop it! Leave him the hell alone!”

“MOTHERFUCKER BETTER WATCH HIS FUCKING TONGUE BEFORE I RIP IT FROM HIS MOUTH-”

It was taking all of you and Sollux’s combined strength to keep Gamzee from lunging at the little asshole in front of you. You didn’t know him, but he’d been making snide transphobic comments, pointing them in Sollux’s direction. Sollux had been ignoring it; they were used to getting shitty comments about literally everything else in their life, so they didn’t see a point in confronting some random asshole they didn’t know.

Gamzee, however.

Gamzee had completely flipped.

He had always been a little cagey about his life before he moved to your high school, but from what you’d gathered, he’d gotten into his fair share of fights - or at least more than you and Sollux had in your middle school career. It had been hard for you to imagine calm and friendly Gamzee fighting anyone.

It wasn’t hard to imagine now.

Gamzee thrashed against you, trying to get another hit in on the guy, and you yanked him backwards to the best of your ability. “Gamzee, you dumb asshole, chill the fuck out!”

He glanced down at you, fury written on every inch of his face, and softened for just a split second.

But apparently the transphobic asshole had never learned when to shut up.

“Yeah, listen to your boyfriend!” He jeered despite the already purpling bruise on his face. He said something else too, a slur that made your blood run cold, and if your grip loosened when Gamzee tugged against you again, well…

“MOTHERFUCKER, I’LL KILL YOU, TEACH YOU NEVER TO SAY THAT SHIT AGAIN, SNAP YOUR LITTLE NECK-” Gamzee had slammed him against the wall, using the significant height advantage he had over most of your peers to tower over this other kid. You and Sollux took a step back and watched in horror as the adults rushed in, pulling them away from each other. It took two adults much larger than either of you to restrain Gamzee and yank him down the hall to the principal’s office.

The assistant principal told you the crowd that had grown around your scene to go to class, and then turned to you and Sollux. “You two, come with me.”

You opened your mouth to complain, but Sollux grabbed your arm tightly and sent you a look that clearly read don’t you fucking dare.

The two of you followed the assistant principal to his office in sullen silence and sat down in the chairs pulled up to his desk. He sat down opposite you and frowned, looking both of you in the eyes for a moment. “You mind telling me what that was about?”

Again, you opened your mouth to start yelling, but Sollux got to it first. “Some twerp was saying offensive shit he shouldn’t have been saying, and Gamzee got defensive.” Sollux shrugged as if it weren’t a big deal, but you could see the tension in their shoulders.

“That piece of shit was calling us slurs!” You jumped in. “You can’t suspend Gamzee for defending his friends and you sure as hell can’t let shit like that be tolerated!”

“Mr. Vantas, you are in no place to be telling administration what we can and cannot do.” He responded coldly, and you snapped your mouth shut. He then sighed. “I will try to make sure Gamzee is not the only one punished. Okay?”

Both you and Sollux nodded stiffly, and you were escorted back out into the waiting room in the front of the office. He told you that he could write you a note back to your classes, but you made it very clear that you were going to wait for Gamzee. The two of you waited in apprehensive silence for what felt like an eternity until the principal’s door opened and Gamzee slinked out with the other kid. The slimy asshole disappeared out the door in a rush, but Gamzee walked over to you two with his hands in his pockets.

“What’d they say?” Sollux asked.

“If you got arrested, I’m killing you.” You added, and that made Gamzee huff out a quiet laugh.

“Nah, motherfuckers, just suspended.” He stared at his feet, scuffing one of his worn shoes in the flat carpet. “...Dunno how I’m gettin’ home, though. My foster dad’ll be fuckin’ pissed if I make him leave work to pick my dumb ass up.”

Sollux glanced at the clock and shrugged. “Fuck it. I don’t think I could give less of a shit about my English class right now. I’ll drive you home.” Gamzee looked up at them like they’d just promised to pay for his college tuition. “What? Don’t fucking look at me like that. KK, are you in?”

“Why the hell not, I’ll just go full fucking delinquent! This is what you’ve done to me, Gamzee. You’re making me a reprobate. Soon enough, I’m going to be selling cigarettes behind the middle school and stealing cheap alcohol, and it’ll be all your fault.”

You’d never skipped a day in your life, but you spent the rest of the afternoon on Sollux’s couch playing Splatoon. It almost felt like the events of that morning hadn’t happened, and when Gamzee hugged you both very tightly, you hugged back despite your complaints and Sollux’s teasing.

—

Twelfth Grade

“Terezi, I know you know which way the camera is! Will you turn the fuck around already?!”

Terezi cackled at your yelling, which you felt was a good summary of your friendship in five words, but she finally obliged and turned around. You grumbled and put your arm around her shoulders, your other one around Gamzee’s back where he leaned against you. Sollux was on the other side of Terezi and you had to reach over to smack the side of their head to get them to put away their phone.

“Say cheese!” Aradia said, smiling at the four of you from behind your phone as she took the picture. They could call you a mom friend all they wanted, but you wanted to document this. You were graduating, all four of you, and by some miracle, you were all going to the same college.

The miracle in question was actually the combination of you and Terezi’s sheer stubborn natures and determination to not break up the squad that had developed over the years - whether that be a new addition, like Gamzee, or someone who had been annoying you since second grade, like Terezi, or someone who didn’t even go to your school, like Aradia.

You still couldn’t believe it had happened, even though you’d been the one to orchestrate it. When you received your acceptance letter, you might have cried a little bit (okay, a lot, but really, was that so out of ordinary for your overly emotional ass?). Gamzee had been just as stunned - he’d gone through school with people telling him he’d be lucky to graduate, and his disciplinary record hadn’t made that easy, but you think encouraging him to explain himself in his short answer questions helped; an undying loyalty to his friends and defending them at his own expense had to mean something, right? Sollux and Terezi hadn’t been surprised by their acceptances in the slightest, the smug assholes, but you knew they were just as happy as you were.

Terezi dragged Aradia off to do god knows whatever mayhem the two of them got up to together, and Gamzee pulled you and Sollux over to sit down on one of the benches nearby.

“Man, I can’t believe y’all didn’t let me smoke before that.” Gamzee said with a laugh, taking off his graduation cap and undoing the bun he’d had to tie his curls into to get the cap to fit.

“The alternative was you sleeping through your name being called and making the rest of us wait for someone to wake up your useless stoner ass. I think you can fucking deal for a few hours.” You snapped back. “Besides, you have plenty of time to get blazed out of your mind before you come to the graduation party. Just don’t bring your bong or Kankri will throw a conniption fit.”

“Man, he does that already. Dude needs to motherfuckin’ chill out a minute. Hey, do you think he’d-”

“Nope. Don’t even try to get my brother high.”

Gamzee shrugged as if to say we’ll see and glanced down at Sollux who was oddly quiet between you two. He followed their gaze and chuckled softly. You looked too and snorted. Sollux was staring in Aradia’s direction, their face the perfect image of lovestruck fool.

“You’re such a fucking sap.” You said, nudging Sollux and earning yourself a glare.

“What?” They snapped. Behind them, Gamzee started humming something that sounded suspiciously like Sollux and Aradia, sitting in a tree…

“Oh, nothing, just that the biggest asshole I know somehow found a girlfriend that makes them the softest idiot in the world. You’re staring after her like a fucking puppy, who the fuck are you and what did you do with Sollux Captor?”

“Shut the fuck up, KK, I don’t have to deal with this shit from you.” They made a face at you and turned back towards Aradia’s direction. “Just because you and Terezi were dysfunctional, that doesn’t mean everyone else has to be.”

You were about to bluster about you and Terezi’s (failed and long-dead) relationship, but Gamzee poked your shoulder, leaning around behind Sollux to get to you.

“I bet she don’t get all of ‘em soft.” Gamzee said in an overly loud stage whisper.

“Oh my god!” Sollux yelled. “I’m going to strangle you two!”

“Aw, come on sib, y’know you be lovin’ us no matter what.” Gamzee said, squishing his cheek against Sollux’s and only laughing when Sollux put their hand flat in the middle of his face and pushed.

“I changed my mind, I’m switching colleges. If have to spend four more years with you assholes, I’ll end up killing either you two or myself.” Sollux said venomously, squirming half onto your lap to get away from Gamzee despite your protests.

“Aw, but then we’ll be at different schools!” Aradia suddenly appeared in front of you, Terezi at her side. “I’ll help you hide the bodies if it comes to that, though. Terezi, what are the laws on murdering your roommates?”

“Extremely illegal! You would rot in jail forever.” You’d never known someone to be able to perfectly personify a smug “>:)” like Terezi fucking Pyrope. “Of course, justice might have some… blind spots.”

“Was that a pun? Did you just fucking make a justice is blind pun?” You asked, affronted.

Terezi grinned in a way that showed off all of her teeth and you couldn’t help but be reminded of a shark about to tear its teeth into you. “The prosecution refrains from comment!”

“We’re not even on trial! How the fuck would you even be a prosecutor?!”

“‘Sides, ain’t it me and Karkat gettin’ killed here?” Gamzee added, having given up on his mission to squish Sollux. “Wouldn’t you be defending us ‘n all?”

“Gamzee, if a dead man ever found a way to get convicted, it would be you.” Terezi sniffed and looked down her nose at him - or at least she tried. Her face was actually pointed a couple feet to his left. She did her best.

“And if a lawyer ever managed to convict a dead man, it’d be you, Rezi.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment! Anyway, Karkat, your parents are looking for you.”

“Ugh, I’ve probably gotta go help them get ready for the party.” You groaned and extricated yourself from under Sollux. You got to your feet and brushed yourself off. “You’re all coming, right?”

“Duh.” Terezi answered for the rest of them, who all nodded their agreement. “Why wouldn’t we, Crabcakes?”

You grimaced at the nickname, and you knew she knew you were doing that, despite not being able to see you. “Just don’t trash my fucking house, okay? And don’t bring your fucking bong, Gamzee!” You shouted over your shoulder, walking over to where your family was talking to Sollux’s dad.

“No motherfucking promises!” He shouted back. You shot him the middle finger.

College should be interesting.

—

Freshman Year

It was 2:34 in the morning, and your dumbass roommate was still awake.

You’d ended up in doubles, and Gamzee had magnanimously decided to go with a randomly assigned roommate so you and Sollux could room together. It had turned out alright so far; Gamzee’s was living just down the hall with an awkward animal science major in a wheelchair that Gamzee looked at like he’d hung the moon, and you and Sollux had yet to kill each other because of being stuck together in close quarters.

The only problem was you were pretty sure you hadn’t seen Sollux sleep at all in the past week.

“Sol?” You said, your voice raspy with sleep. Sollux glanced over their shoulder at you, then turned back to their computer. “Why the fuck are you awake?”

“Go back to sleep, KK.” They said, not even looking at you. They just continued to type away at some program they were coding. You frowned and sat up.

“What the hell are you even doing?”

“My final project, and you’re fucking with my focus.”

You rubbed at your face, forcing some of the bleariness out of your eyes. “Don’t you have an 8am?”

“Yeah, and?”

“And it’s the asscrack of night, shithead! You should be asleep!”

“I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”

“That might be sooner than later if you keep this up!”

Sollux shrugged and didn’t respond. Alright, time to pull out the big guns. You mumbled something about going to the bathroom that you’re sure Sollux didn’t listen to whatsoever climbed out of bed. You shuffled down past the bathroom to Gamzee’s room and knocked.

There wasn’t a response. You knocked a little louder and heard a muffled “Gamzee, wake up” followed by a sleepy grunt and the creaks of someone climbing down a bunk-bed. The door opened to reveal a half-asleep Gamzee. Tavros looked like he’d already fallen back asleep.

“What’s up, bro?” Gamzee said through a yawn.

“Sollux isn’t sleeping.” That was all you needed to say for Gamzee to nod and step out into the hall with you. Sollux had done this a couple times in high school, usually around exam week, and you both knew they wouldn’t go to bed unless physically forced.

Sollux didn’t look up from their laptop when you came back to the room, but they did jolt to attention when Gamzee leaned over their shoulder to peer at the work.

“What’re you workin’ on?”

“I’m coding something for my final - why the fuck are you here?”

“This is an intervention.” You answered for Gamzee.

“For what? He’s the druggie.” Sollux said, jerking their thumb at Gamzee. Gamzee just hummed lightly and pulled Sollux’s chair back.

“You need to sleep before you end up in the hospital. This is due, what, two weeks from now? I think you can risk one night of sleep.”

“I told you, I’m fine, I just- stop it!” Sollux squawked as Gamzee scooped them up in his arms.

“Nah, the motherfucker’s right. You gotta get some sleep, best friend.” Gamzee plopped down on your bunk, still holding Sollux tight. You saved Sollux’s work on their laptop - you were abhorrent at coding, but you knew how to do at least that much - and dropped yourself on top of them both. Sollux was squirming and scrambling like a cat trying to escape a bathtub, but their scrawny ass couldn’t escape Gamzee’s tight grip and your weight on top of them.

“God, can you calm down for three fucking seconds?” You grumbled, still tired from having woken up in the middle of the night.

“That’s rich coming from Shitfit Vantas.” Sollux snapped, but they finally stopped wiggling around. “I’m gonna fail.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Yes, I am. I’m going to fail this class and they’re going to kick me out of my major.” It was clear they were getting sleepy despite their words.

“The alternative is death. There’s no fucking dying allowed in this dorm room, got it?”

“I’ll die in Gamzee’s room, then.”

“Good motherfucking luck.” Gamzee mumbled, already half asleep with his face in Sollux’s neck. Sollux groaned and seemed to finally give in.

“I hate you both. You know that, right? You’re the fucking worst.”

“Just shut up and go to sleep, asshole.” You mumbled, passing out on Sollux’s chest.

Sollux slept until 4pm. They missed their 8am, but they didn’t fail their class. You counted that as a win.

--

Sophomore Year

You and Sollux were sitting on either side of Gamzee, both of you holding his shaking hands. The therapist’s waiting room was empty except for the three of you.

The past couple weeks had been rough. At first you’d thought the stress of school on top of working a couple jobs to afford the apartment the three of you shared had been taking a toll on Gamzee, and it probably had been, but it became clear something else was at play.

He’d been acting erratically, his mood swinging from calm to angry much more than it ever had. He shirked his responsibilities, skipped all his classes, locked himself in his room, looked at you and Sollux like he didn’t recognize you. You’d seen him angry before, just a handful of times, and it was a frightening experience, but you’d never had it turned on you before this past week. He seemed like he was itching for a fight and didn’t know where he was.

Whatever episode it had been, it was over now, and Gamzee was miserable. It was Sollux who took the initiative, who insisted he go to a therapist. You both promised to go with him, and you had a feeling that’s what convinced him to go.

“Gamzee?” A kindly looking woman appeared at the end of the hallway. She smiled at the three of you. “You can come down now if you like.”

Gamzee took a shaky breath and you squeezed his hand. “Do you want us to come with you?” You asked, and he nodded. The three of you got up and followed the therapist to her office.

The therapist asked some questions that you expected; this was supposed to be an initial assessment to figure out where to start with Gamzee’s mental health. When scheduling the appointment, you’d mentioned the oddness of the past couple weeks, so that’s where she started. He told her what you’d assumed: he hadn’t been thinking clearly, there was some disconnect with reality, he couldn’t control his mood, how he’d felt like he could and should do anything. That all you could’ve gathered from the outside. But when she asked if he’d been hearing or seeing things that weren’t there, you were surprised, even more so when Gamzee hesitated and said “I-...Yeah. So motherfucking loud…” You had no idea, and it took all your willpower to not bombard Gamzee with questions. She kept talking to him, gentle and comforting the whole time, asking how he felt now (miserable, guilty, exhausted), if this had happened before (not this motherfucking much), if mental illness ran in the family (ain’t never fuckin’ known his dad to be anything but angry, and he ain’t been in the old man’s house since he was a little kid, anyway. Brother get real angry too sometimes, but not that bad, he’s nice enough, ain’t never hurt him).

When their appointment time was up, she pulled out a business card and scribbled something on the back. “I’m going to refer you to a psychiatrist friend of mine. That way you can get a second opinion and get on a prescription.” She said, handing him the card.

Gamzee looked at the card, then at her, confusion written on his face. “Prescription? I ain’t got a cold or nothin’.”

“If she agrees with my diagnosis, she’ll probably prescribe you anti-psychosis medication.” You heard Gamzee’s breath hitch beside you. “I believe you might have schizoaffective disorder.”

“Motherfucker, what?”

“It’s a common disorder where someone exhibits symptoms of schizophrenia and a mood disorder.” She seemed to sense Gamzee’s rising panic and was quick to try to reassure him. “I know it sounds scary, but it can be treated, I promise. Medication and therapy go a long way.” A light flashed on her wall notifying her that her next patient had arrived, and she stood, prompting the three of you to stand as well, Gamzee much more slowly than you and Sollux. “I’m afraid I have another appointment right now, but I’d be happy to schedule you in again next week, alright?”

Gamzee didn’t respond, still staring at the business card numbly, so Sollux jumped in. “We’ll call you.” They said, tugging Gamzee towards the door.

You passed the therapist’s next patient in the hall and found yourselves in an empty waiting room again. Gamzee was still silent between you two.

“Gamz?” You asked. “Are you okay?”

“No I motherfucking am not.” Gamzee sighed. Sollux peered over at the business card.

“That’s the psychiatrist I go to for my meds. She’s pretty nice.” They said, and both you and Gamzee stared at them in surprise.

“Since when the hell do you take meds?” You asked.

“Since this past summer.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because it didn’t come up! Excuse me for not walking around declaring ‘guess what, I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar type II disorder!’” Sollux folded their arms defensively. They looked at Gamzee and sighed, their posture softening. “Look. I’m not gonna lie to you and say this shit doesn’t suck. Getting diagnosed with a mental illness? Realizing you’re not functioning the way you should be? Having to take medication to get your brain to cooperate and release the right chemicals? It all fucking sucks. But you’re not the only one going through this shit, okay? Medication helps. Going to therapy helps. And if you ever feel like your brain is plotting your own demise, chances are high that you can come to me and be like ‘hey Sollux, I hate having a brain right now’ and I’ll be like ‘oh shit, me too!’ and we can lay on the kitchen floor and have a depressive episode together while Karkat, I dunno, yells positive affirmations or something. Trauma thunderdome featuring our loud, encouraging roommate.”

“I wouldn’t yell at you if you were having a depressive episode!” You protested.

“Yes you fucking would. Yelling is just your default state of talking. Is Karkat’s mouth open? Then he’s yelling.” Sollux rolled their eyes. Gamzee laughed weakly and rubbed at his eyes.

“Fuck, y’all, I’m-” Gamzee took in a shaky breath and tugged both of you in with his long arms for a tight hug. “I’m so fuckin’ grateful for whatever motherfucking miracle it was that brought y’all in my life.”

“The miracle was Mr. Webb in ninth grade.” You mumbled, face half squished against Gamzee’s chest. Why were all of your friends so stupidly tall? It was uncalled for. You hugged him back.

“I definitely wouldn’t call Mr. Webb a miracle.” Sollux said, and their thin arms wrapped around you both. “He cared more about the basketball team’s scores than our grades.”

“He’s a motherfuckin’ miracle if he got me to meet my best friends in the whole motherfucking universe.” Gamzee’s voice sounded thick and you pulled back to get a look at him.

“Are you crying?”

Gamzee rubbed at his face and let out a watery laugh. “Guess I motherfucking am. I just can’t believe y’all give a shit about me.”

“Big dumb idiot.” You grumbled, grabbing a box of tissues from a nearby table. “You should know by now that we give more than a shit about you.”

“What’s more than a shit?” Sollux asked. “A full bowel movement?”

“That’s disgusting, but yes. We give a whole bowel movement about you, Gamzee. You’re the food being digested and going through the intestinal tract of friendship. Got it?”

Gamzee laughed and took the tissues from you, wiping at his face. “Yeah, motherfucker, I get it.”

“Come on,” Sollux jingled their keys at you, “Let’s move this cry session home. I’m tired of standing in this fucking waiting room.”

“What, you don’t like the decorations?” Gamzee teased, which was encouraging return to normalcy. “Look, they even got a cute lil clown painting, I didn’t even see this motherfucker earlier.”

“I especially hate that decoration.” Sollux said, making a face.

“If you even think of decorating our apartment with clowns, I’m evicting you. Do you hear me?” You added, backing Sollux up.

“What, not even my room?” Gamzee put his hands in his pockets and started to follow Sollux to the door. “No fuckin’ clown posters? Some juggling clubs maybe? Make a motherfuckin’ carnival out of the place.”

“If you want to turn your room into more of a circus than it is already, I can’t fucking stop you, but it better stop at the doorway, so help me god.”

“Hell yeah, motherfucker. Might pick up the unicycle too.”

“Every time I think I understand you, you just say shit like that and I have to reevaluate how fucking weird you are.” Sollux said, shaking their head. “Are we going or what?”

“Yeah, motherfucker, we’re going.” Gamzee said, and the three of you left the office.

--

Junior Year

“You’re overthinking this, KK.”

“I am not overthinking this! I am thinking precisely the right amount for the situation! It just so happens that the situation warrants a fuck ton of thinking!”

“Man, I told you, just suck the motherfucker’s dick.”

You glared darkly at Gamzee, who was currently stealing grapes from the fridge and giving you an amused look. Sollux spoke before you could verbally rip him to shreds.

“It’s an anniversary gift, GZ. It has to be something he doesn’t do all the time already.” They said, audibly bored despite the smirk they gave you when you turned your outraged look on them. “What? We all know you suck dick.”

“That’s not the fucking point!” You argued. Sollux rolled their eyes.

“Right, get angry that I implied you’re sexually active with your boyfriend. Great fucking logic, 10/10.”

“The point-” You continued, raising your voice even louder, “Is that this is our first anniversary! It demands a grand romantic gesture!”

“Just buy him flowers or something, you overly dramatic mollusk enthusiast. Dave’s fucking smitten with you, I’m pretty sure he won’t give a shit if it’s not peak romance.”

You started to argue, then paused and processed what they’d just said. “What the fuck does mollusk enthusiast even mean? What the hell?”

“You know, mollusks. Because you have a hermit crab?”

You stared at them for a long second. “...You dumb son of a bitch, do you mean crustaceans?”

“Eh, mollusks, crustaceans, whatever, you’re the enthusiast here.” Sollux waved you off. “The point is that you could probably write a love note on Dave’s toilet seat and he’d still have the doki dokis for you.”

“It doesn’t matter if he’s satisfied with the bare minimum! He deserves more.” You huffed and buried your face in your arms on the table. There were a few moments of silence where apparently Sollux was making some kind of facial expression at Gamzee because you heard him say “motherfucker, don’t ask me to help him, I don’t know shit.” That made you shift to glare at Sollux across the table. “Yeah, Gamzee doesn’t know shit, but you do. You’ve celebrated anniversaries with Aradia and Feferi, what the fuck did you do?”

“I don’t know, it’s different for each of them.” Sollux sighed, resigning themself to give you actual advice. “I usually choose an event that they like that we wouldn’t normally go to. Feferi and I have only had one anniversary so far, but we went into the city and I bought her a nice dinner and we saw a concert. Aradia and I have a tradition of going to a graveyard she hasn’t been to yet so she can live out her goth date fantasies. For our joint anniversary, they took me to get beekeeping lessons. It was fun.”

You wrinkled your nose. “I don’t know about a graveyard or beekeeping, but… dinner might work.”

“I can send you some of the places I was considering for Feferi.” Sollux offered, and okay, maybe they weren’t the worst friend.

“Hey, the brother’s at likin’ dead shit, right?” Gamzee asked, sitting down next to you and offering his bowl of snacks.

“That’s the creepiest way of saying he likes paleontology, but yes, he does. Why?” You said, grabbing a handful of chips.

“You know that science museum Tavros’s working at? They’re hosting some collection, full of dinosaur bones and shit. Supposed to be pretty fuckin’ cool.”

“Why didn’t you lead with that, asshole, instead of suggesting I suck his dick a million times?!”

Gamzee shrugged, grinning easily at you. “That idea still ain’t off the fucking table.”

“Hopefully there won’t be any fucking on the table.” Sollux interjected. “We all eat here and I don’t trust you to not have warts on your ass.”

“That’s fucking rich coming from someone greasy enough to put KFC to shame! I don’t know why you ever get your oil changed at the Kia dealership, you could probably just wring out your pillowcase into the tank and you’d be good! Do you have an agreement with Burger King so they can get the formula to their greasy garbage from studying your pores? Are your girlfriends aware that they’re dating a Checkers wrapper?”

“Jesus, KK, take a breath, what the fuck. I don’t want to have to explain to the EMTs that you asphyxiated because you were defending your ass warts.” Sollux shook their head, more than used to your raging at this point. Gamzee patted your head absently, but you were pretty sure he’d already checked out of the conversation.

You huffed loudly, but for all your grumbling, there was still a tiny part of you that was deeply grateful for your friends. They were fucking weird and total assholes, but then again, weren’t you? You’d been friends through the embarrassment that was middle school, the stressful hell of high school, the chaos that was your entry into adulthood. Together for the good times, splurging on bad food and wrecking each other in Mario Kart, and for the bad times, pulling Gamzee away from fights and making sure Sollux ate during their depressive episodes. Sure, your friend group was larger than you’d admit, made up of a combination of the people you’d known since you were a kid, like Terezi, and the new people you’d met in college, like Kanaya, and that friend group was only growing as you got to know a vast web of friends through Dave, but Sollux and Gamzee still stood out. They were your best friends, and they meant the world to you.

Ugh. You grimaced the moment that embarrassingly fond thought crossed your mind. Lucky enough for you, Sollux had started trying to throw grapes in Gamzee’s mouth and their atrocious aim meant you got a grape in the eye at a high enough velocity to make you screech, and the moment had effectively passed.

Yep. These were your friends, and you were stuck with them. For better or for worse.

#homestuck #karkat vantas #sollux captor #gamzee makara #terezi pyrope #aradia megido #my writing #okay to reblog #i love this au!!!!!! and i love them #college au #i can't believe i've managed to write two fics in a row over 5k wow #me a touchstarved aroace: hhhhhhhh platonic cuddles...............

[manicpixiedreamjew]

ok i rewrote and revised my letter! let me know what you think

2/9/19

Rabbi Randy,                                              

As our Into class comes to an end, a lot has been on my mind. My spirituality, my values; how my perception of the world has changed as I solidify my Jewish identity, especially as a young woman. I spent a few hours poring over journal entries dating back all the way to 2016 this Shabbat, and a consistent theme stood out in all of them: an overwhelming, genuine urge to live an authentic Jewish life. I read, thrown back into the innocent curiosity, the puppy love, the childlike fascination with Jews and Judaism that began with a book. The Chosen, the very first Jewish book I read, and I’m sure I’ve told you this story before; I’ll spare the details.

Anyway, those first inklings of interest, say, early 2016, were academic. I was a vehement atheist born to a family of atheists. Then again, who has a nuanced understanding of religion and people-hood at sixteen? My atheism was an obstinate, cynical world view triggered by traumatic experiences with Christianity. When I picked up The Chosen, though...I was slapped right across the face. Judaism was the first thing that challenged my philosophies; it forced me into an entirely foreign universe I never thought I’d know, need or understand. It taught me empathy foremost, in those early days...studying Judaism exhorted me to bear the burden of others, to feed the hungry (a MAZON seminar comes to mind), comfort the weary. Looking at my journal, an entry dated 3/3/17 elaborates on the effects of antisemitism in America, and next to that a newspaper cut out of a Magen David. It wasn’t quite personal then, but it was something I wouldn’t have looked twice at a few years earlier. It disturbed me deeply.

Then, mid-late 2017. The journal entries shifted, as you’d expect; I’d been exhaustively involved in reading and researching by then. I see a lovingly inscribed entry detailing, religiously, my first Kabbalat Shabbat at CRC. 7/1/17. The smells, the melodies, my friends, the birthday celebration of two elderly men who loved baseball. “A deep, riveting admiration for something ancient and pulsing with life.” That puppy-love stage was in full effect, my love of Judaism and its personal implications blossomed over the springtime, although its fragrance wasn’t entirely sweet: I was forced to confront my identity and ask myself that looming question. Do I want to become a Jew?

That question threw me for a loop. It was an emotionally intense time. I confided to my closest friend that, although it may sound absurd, converting to Judaism was something I was interested in. I remember crying myself to sleep some nights because the decision was so massive, so heavy, so entirely suffocating for someone with no background in religion, no sense of community or family. Eventually, though, my fate did not seem so dire, and I came to my senses: I loved Judaism. I loved it, I love it. One of the first things that stood out to me and comforted me was the Jewish emphasis on family, something I never experienced. I clung to it: how someone’s always there for you;  how you’re adopted into world-wide support network called the Tribe. How no matter where you travel, anywhere in the world, someone will enthusiastically invite you over for Shabbat lunch. How, because you are Jewish, you will never suffer alone.

That, then, began my serious resolve to be Jewish, do Jewish and live Jewish.

Ever since I met with you on 11/21/17 (I have an entry for that, too!), my life has been a foray into Jewishness. You told me to start observing Shabbat and Yom Tov, and I did so with vigor: I bought a chanukiah, acquired the shiniest candlesticks I could, and read every book the local library had regarding proper observances. I look back on my first few holidays and laugh now, playfully admonishing myself for my mistakes and mishaps. But that’s the fun, right? If I learned anything from this week’s Parsha (Terumah), it’s that the means are more much important than the end, the intention more meaningful than the actualization. Late 2017 to early 2018 was all that: learning, doing, experiencing, interacting, existing with a fat dose of humility. Organizing a basic Jewish vocabulary, and through Shabbat services and working with the community, pinning down what it means to live a Jewish life.

Enter 2018! This was, perhaps, the most frustrated and chaotic year on my Journey to Jewish. To start, it was my last semester of high-school. Everything, and I mean Everything, was dependent on my graduation—most saliently my own happiness and sanity. My synagogue attendance was dwindling, my ambition and motivation was all but absent. I’ve always suffered from depression and severe anxiety, but its clutch tightened horribly those first few months. I managed to attend a Kol Nidre service in early September—and, it remains one of my most beautiful and cherished memories to date. December, I know, was the hardest. Between my Catholic father making crusade jokes and my Jesus-obsessed mother spewing casual antisemitism, between unending loads of coursework and no free time, I felt my spirit literally withering. This never weakened my resolve to live Jewishly, but some days I just couldn’t bring myself to enact the values I knew I held in my heart. Some days Judaism felt like a beloved friend, and others Judaism felt like a stranger. Nevertheless I continued to live as Jewish a life I could, but even kindling the Chanukah candles felt joyless. I was like Tevye standing in the middle of the woods, anguished, as his horse refused to budge. Through all of it, though—the sadness, numbness, friction—I was never, ever, once deterred. That’s how life is sometimes. But to be a Jew, as our own Reb Tevye zealously insisted, you must have hope.

And I did. This is when Judaism became real to me, when I realized it was a part of my life and etched into my very being. If I could live Jewishly, study, be a part of my community and find solace while also dealing with these hardships, this was clearly meant to be. I’ve been using “us” and “we” pronouns for a few months now, referring to myself as Jewish even though I’ve yet to immerse in a mikveh. When our class visited the Holocaust museum, the loss and heartache I felt was profoundly intimate...a personal loss, the loss of family I never had the opportunity to know and love. I had never experienced anything like that before, and it continues to haunt me. I’ve been the target of hateful and ignorant remarks. People have glowered at my Magen David; they’ve called me names and insulted me. “Christ killer, money hoarder, dirty Jew.”

But, and I’m a bit weepy remembering this, living Jewishly (and loudly at that) is a blessing. Maybe two summers ago I catered to an older family for their son’s graduation party. An uncle approached me, blinked at my Magen David and muttered “bless you.” I was visibly shaken; I wasn’t sure what to make of it. Later in the evening the grandmother touched my shoulder and asked, “are you Jewish?” I told her I was a conversion student. She embraced me, dug out dreidels from her kitchen drawer, and told me that she was separated from her Judaism during childhood. That it was too dangerous for her to practice, that she wanted to go back to synagogue now that she was safe. I encouraged her daughter to finally have her bar mitzvah. My heart was full. Another memory I’m fond of: wishing a stranger chag Pesach sameach and Shabbat Shalom on the street. He was wearing a kippah. The smile on that man’s face was unforgettable.

Those moments, to me, were godly. Actions are a conduit of holiness; I’ve learned that over the years. To act with intent and sanctify the mundane is second nature to us. A bracha, a kind word, charity, song...everything is a vessel for godliness.

Fast forward a bit: 2019. As I grew into my adult identity, so did I into my Jewish identity. I had my 18th birthday, graduated, passed my driving test. I began to wrap my hair on Shabbat, meditate on the Sh’ma swathed in a tallit, give tzedakah. Often times I sat in the little CRC classroom and pondered on the application of my learning: how it translated into my everyday life, how it reconciled with my values as a progressive woman in today’s society...but mostly, I think, I thought about how at home I felt. I walk into CRC and immediately feel at peace; a part of a family, the member of a loving household. I walk into the sanctuary and about a dozen people are ready to greet me with big, heartfelt smiles. It melts me every single time.

Alright, I’ll quit boring you with all this schmaltz.

I’m not sure that there was one definite moment when I knew, for sure, that being Jewish was the right choice for me. In fact, to assume all that soul searching could fit into one tiny, fleeting, ephemeral moment is ridiculous...as you know from the absurd length of this letter, which is only a minute fraction of my story. Seriously, I could go on, and on, and on; but I digress. Sitting at our Sukkot celebration and dancing with all the other people, looking up through the sukkah and marveling at the hanging plants and leaves. Baking challah on Friday morning and realizing that somewhere, other Jewish women are doing the exact same thing. Feeling warm summer wind on my face, seeing fireflies flicker through the bushes and knowing that HaShem is there. Touching my siddur to the Torah for the first time and bristling, feeling as though something breathed new life into me. Group Aliyah, a guiding hand on my shoulder as we chant the brachot in clumsy unison…

Each moment (and many more, and yet more to come) reaffirmed the fact that Judaism is my home. Ruth said it more succinctly and eloquently than I ever could: Your people shall be my people, and your God shall be my God.

Randy, I never thought I’d be doing this. Ever. Looking back at the learning and growing I’ve done, reading those journals and reminiscing on my journey, I can firmly say, if you agree, I’m ready to enter this Covenant officially.

Thank you for everything, as always,

Zoë

#oops its 5 pages #save