#just noticed a spelling error I am going to end it all I didn't take AP English to make spelling errors in batman shitposts

[allgremlinart]

side by side of how I draw comic Bruce vs movie Bruce

#lowkey cursed im sorry #Bruce Wayne #allgremlinart #just noticed a spelling error I am going to end it all I didn't take AP English to make spelling errors in batman shitposts

[fakescenariosbeforesleepblog]

He's not unlovable.

König x Reader.

König is not in his best moment, you never expected to hear about his past, now that you know a little, you understand why he feels in the way he feels.

Remember every ♥️ is important, thanks for your support.

Warning: I think there's not a big warning, lol, but If you're not In a good moment maybe it's not a good idea to read it rn, I'm sure I wrote it for a neutral reader but I warn you perhaps I wrote or made allusion to a fem and I didn't notice it, if I did I apologize, spelling and grammar errors.

König doesn't have an easy life, you know that, he reminds you that you can leave whenever you want, not because he wants you to leave, he says it because he feels like he's not enough for you, the kind of relationship, the kind of life you share, he simply thinks you will leave one day, and he's fine with it «i prefer to see you fly away from here than keep you in a cage mein kleiner Vogel (my little bird)» «I don't have much to offer, but all I am and all my life belongs to you, Schatz», that's what he always says.

You feel a hole in your chest every time he says that, because you don't want to leave, he has been the best boyfriend you ever had, he's kind, he loves to give you little details, he's gentle with you, he sometimes acts like a little kid, and you love all those things about him, you're there when his anxiety is at the maximum level, you constantly remind him how handsome, special, smart, funny and charming he is.

You never question him about his job, you don't need to, you know the man under that mask is different to the man you have at home and still, you are sure you would love that version of him too.

You don't know much about his past, «I don't look at my past Meine Liebe, I only look at my present, my present is you and that's all I need» but lately the past has been calling to König, you know something is not okay, he has been stressed and anxious, you don't want to ask but you know he's having a hard time.

You walked to his little office at home and you could hear him on the phone, you waited outside to not interrupt him.

«I understand, but it's impossible for me to go right now (...) Ja! I know I have to make at least 2 visits per year but I can't (...) Because I can't be in the same room with her!» «Scheisse (shit)»

You knocked at the door softly and opened.

- König?

- Ja?

He was with his hands covering his face, sitting on his chair, you walked to him but without invading his personal space.

- I just... I just came to tell you that dinner is ready, do you want to eat right now or... Maybe Later?

You're trying to be gentle, he doesn't respond, he just only extended his arm, asking you to get close to him, you give him your hand, you can feel his hand sweating, once you're close enough he hugs you, his face is on your abdomen and his arms are around your waist, you Caresse his hair with your hands, you don't want to ask, you really don't want to but it seems like you need to, so in the most calmed and softest voice you try to ask him.

- What's wrong Kö? You can talk with me baby.

He sobs and you can feel hot tears on your shirt, you kneel down in front of him and hug him, his head now rests on your shoulder.

- König, my love, you're worrying me... Shhh, it's okay baby, I'm here, it's all alright, you're safe here.

Both stay like that for a moment, you let him cry, you hate to see him suffering you would burn the world just to see him smile. You managed to take him to bed, you ran to the kitchen for a cup of lavender tea, when you're back, he's laying in bed, looking at the window.

- I brought you a cup of tea...

- My mother... She's in a nursing home, they have been calling me, because I haven't visited her, last time was 2 and a half years ago.

You're still in silence, he never talked to you about his family, you don't know what to say, you sit at the end of the bed while he continues talking and looking at the window.

- I took her there a few years ago because she was diagnosed with dementia, a politic of the nursing home is to pay a visit to the patient at least a couple times every year, but I can't, it's very difficult to me, she's a reminder of how unlovable I am.

You only knew König left his home at a very young age, he never told you why and you never forced him to talk more about it.

- Why? What makes it difficult?

- I know I never tell you about my past schatz because you already have enough with all the mess I am already... When I left my house to join the army, my mother told me not to bother to come back, that's what I did, I never came back but sometimes I sent her some money and a note, I always waited to have a response, but never arrived, eventually I stopped to do it. One day the police called me, they found her in a park, she was lost, she forgot where she lived, she told the cops she was looking for his little son, they took her home and found a note with my telephone number, they said I needed to take her to a nursing home if I didn't have time to take care of her, that's what I did. I tried to visit her during her first months in that place but all those times I tried, she was yelling at me, reminding me that my father left her because of me, telling me how hard it was to have me around because all she could see in me was my dad's abandonment, that's why I stopped to try to visit her.

- Oh König...

Your tears are blinding you, but you just lay behind him, you try to spoon him and you kiss his shoulder.

- You don't need to go, don't force yourself to do something you don't want to, baby I'm so sorry all this happened to you.

- The nurse who has been calling me, says my mother has been asking for me, that my mother is 'stable' at the moment, and it would be good for her to see me... I don't know what to do schatz...

- König, look at me please...

He turned around and looked at you, you caresses his face softly and kissed his forehead, you have never seen him like this, your heart is breaking, his eyes reflect all the sadness and darkness inside him, it's a new version of him you never expected to know, but you're sure that what you're feeling is the necessity to give him all the love he deserves.

- You're not your mother's rage and you're not your father's abandonment, okay? You're better than that, you're the most amazing person I've ever met, I love every version of yourself, you're all I ever wanted and whatever you decide to do you have my support and love, I will not leave you alone, never, we will solve this together, alright?

There it is, the spark in his eyes is back, he nodded in silence and kissed you over and over again, whispering how much he loves you and how safe he feels with you at his side.

It doesn't matter how unlovable he feels sometimes, you know you will be there to show him how wrong he is.

#cod x reader #x yn #long reads #fanfiction #x reader #könig #call of duty x reader #kortac #könig call of duty #konig cod #konig x you #konig x reader #konig x fem!reader #konig x gn!reader #konig x y/n #konig x female reader #könig x reader #könig x you #könig x y/n #könig cod #Spotify

[xxgremlinleexx]

More info on our situation.

This will be posted to the GoFundMe as well.

I feel that it is incredibly important to express just how last resort this is. It has come to my understanding that if people are to come across this, they are likely to believe I haven't exhausted all of my options.

This, unfortunately, isn't the case.

Mississippi has never been safe for us as black, queer people. And having neighbors turned against us for something orchestrated by pur landlord has made it even less so for us to continue being here.

There is absolutely nothing left for us here.

Lemme explain. As of now, both my partner and I are employed. However, our pay and hours are nowhere near enough to cover the cost of rent without outside assistance from friends and family who are all also struggling at this time. This includes our other partner who has their own shit to deal with. I work at Dominos and am paid a flat $9.00/hr as a CSR. I'm only granted NINE (9) hours a week. Yes. You read that correctly. Only 9 hours a week. 18 every two. 36 a month. Which is why I started doing commissions. To make ends meet.

Because Void (our cat) would genuinely have nowhere to go if we didn't make things work somehow. We've had him since he was a kitten, and he would be even more devastated than us.

Friends can't take him. Not anyone nearby. And with the lack of proper shelters, surrendering him would likely spell death.

Just know, while things weren't perfect, they were not always like this. We started falling behind after a technological error on the Apartment's end (More on that later) where two months' worth of rent was never posted. And once we made the error known, it came with fees stacked from both months and then some. In the middle of March. After I'd been dropped from my internship at a super Christian-run food bank. Where I was the only openly queer one there. 🙃

And it's truly only been downhill from there.

My nesting partner is paid slightly more than me at 9.75/hr, but they haven't been given a full 40 hour week since September of last year. This is after asking for all that can be given at their job despite dealing with chronic pain and being immunocompromised. They've been working without any sort of proper accommodation aside from being offered brief breaks in the store's beer cooler.

We've taken out payday loans out of sheer desperation not to lose our home, two of which almost crippled us.

We do not have a car. Mississippi's public transportation system is absolutely abysmal. I used the bus to go to work during my internship. I was left stranded twice and was s3xually harrassed during my rides on several occasions. The system is horrendously underfunded, so the drivers just don't care.

We have tried various programs including section 8. The wait lists are endless.

The property manager has explicitly expressed that they do not accept vouchers from any of the most prevelant housing assistance programs in our area. Which was one of the reasons why we almost weren't allowed to move here (Making a video on that soon.) during a time where we were, in fact, homeless and running out of time at the hotel we were staying at. The only assistance we have is for electric. And that's only because that bill is not processed directly through the complex itself.

I've been permanently flagged by the unemployed office. Why? Because one of my employers (the most transphobic experience I've ever had. More on that later.) claimed that nobody under my legal name, SS, or anything had ever worked there before. Every other experience listed was verified, but due to that one instance, even when I provided my old work badge and my W2, I was (and still am) no longer able to apply for unemployment without being stuck in a neverending wait list for an investigation that will never come. It will remain stuck in pending for months and then the case number will magically close without notice.

We have Food Stamps, but due to the sudden dip in income and hours, MDHS has pretty much flagged that I'm able-bodied but just choosing not to work. Which has resulted in the amount we're given monthly to harshly decrease.

What I'm trying to say is that the truly needy and unfortunate are treated like rats and scammers. Pests. These programs put in place to help us aren't funded enough to make the people tasked with running them truly care. So they turn us away.

This has been a problem in Mississippi for years. The state government is given money to help and distribute as needed, but those funds are withheld. Millions of dollars every year are kept away from the families who need it most, and nobody here can answer why.

And if you're queer or a person of color? Good luck.

I explain all of this to say that we genuinely need help wherever we can get it.

We need to get out of Mississippi.

Please help in any way you can. Spread this and my GoFundMe wherever you can. It is us the link above. Share it wherever, whether you can donate or not.

My commissions are open. All three slots are available. I will gladly work for the money.

Thank you for your reading.

#black history #black history month #black artist #black queer artist #black boys #gofundmeboost #gofundmeplease #gofundus #go fund them #cats #kofi commission #digital commisions #lgbtqia community #lgbt artist #queer bipoc #bipoc #nonbinary #non biney #poc artist #queer poc #black queer #digital art #digital artist #queer artist #queer #lgbtq #black lives matter #blackfurry #anything helps #help us

[mejomonster]

I used a grammar checker yesterday and i'm still frustrated. Like the new Microsoft Word, it underlined like 77 words as grammar or spelling errors which weren't. Things like expecting me to remove a period (sentences and paragraphs can't end on empty space... they need periods), correcting words like space to spae (the word space was indeed correctly spelled as space...), just in general having no idea how punctuation works (a good reason to reference punctuation with a guide as a writer... because automated grammar checkers make frequent mistakes checking punctuation and aren't reliable). And while i expected those sucky mistakes from a grammar checker (but i'm still frustrated as like... in 2010 at least if i ran spell check on it's own i'd get 90-99% correct replacements and only occasional incorrect spelling suggestions... now spell check is more like 20% accurate so i am better off proofreading for spelling errors myself the slow way). I was ultimately using it just to check my writing tenses. Because switching from past to present tense sometimes happens in stories with flashbacks, and people thinking back to older moments and thoughts, so I wanted to quickly machine check if I'd been inconsistent with my tenses and used the wrong one somewhere. Not a single tense error was flagged by the grammar checker. Maybe i got lucky and didn't make any. But i think it's more likely the grammar checker was just completely incapable of checking for tense, let alone accurately (since it gave 80% false errors for spelling then i imagine it'd flag a lot of correct tense usage as incorrect anyway if it could). I picked a grammar checker FOR it's inclusion of checking for tenses. And it didn't even do that.

It's just fruatrating because like. When i was a kid and a teen, you could run a grammar check and mostly get some quick useful spelling corrections (unless you wrote a name) and it only flagged grammar it was usually correctly identifying (such as changing a comma to a ; or an uncapitalized first letter of a sentence to a capital letter, or replacing a misused word like too with two). You'd get maybe 10 flagged errors in a 2 page essay, at least 8 were usually real errors in spelling or grammar (with maybe 1 being an incorrect suggestion to switch ; with , or to spell a name differently). It was fairly useful, took 2 minutes or less to go through. Now in 2020s if i run a 2 page piece of writing into a grammar checker, i get 77 errors flagged and only 3 are real errors (a missing letter in spelling for 3 words, and a missing comma in a long sentence). It takes longer to manually check all 77 errors and notice why they're actually suggesting i make my writing worse... compared to just rereading with a critical eye. But the grammar checkers WOULD BE FASTER AND EFFICIENT if they just quickly flagged real spelling errors like they used to! I know i may always need to check grammar errors myself, technology has always been fairly bad at something that complex to identify. But spelling? Really? Why is machine spell checking so fucking bad now? Why is it flagging so many correctly spelled words now? It's brutal.

I edited a 600 page book a year back with modern word. The book was already edited, publish worthy, i just was formatting it for print and running spell check in case i backspaced and messed up a word here or there when editing the format for print. The Word grammar check flagged 800 errors. At least 95% were not real errors. The last 5% were mostly names getting incorrectly (but understandable from a machine) flagged as spelled wrong. And maybe 5 errors in the entire 800 error heap were actual missing periods I had messed up in formatting and needed to add back. It took like 10 hours to go through those 800 flagged errors and manually check. Whereas years ago, if only actual spelling errors got flagged, i could've probably gone through those 5 errors and maybe 50 incorrectly flagged names in 10 minutes.

#rant

[translucent-at-best]

Scatter-brained...

I be stuck on that water challenge tag like I was stuck on that bussit tag a while ago. I fully get why men be so mesmerized. I really do.

Stepping on an elevator smelling good only to be told how good I smell by the other people on it never gets old. A Black woman told me I smelled "diiiii-viiiiine" yesterday. She wasn't wrong 😌

I'm tired of being so far away from my family and not being able to do anything about it when somebody dies. I'm tired of my family dying. I'm tired of grieving and no one around me knowing and having to keep working and showing up like I'm not. I'm just tired.

The amount of Black men who will exclaim "Protect Black Women" but at the same time pretend they have no earthly idea who we need protection from is wild. Is it all men? No. Is it always men? You know good and gotdamn well. Stop deflecting and start calling your homeboys out.

I've never experimented with a hairstyle and not liked it. It's been relaxed, natural, big chopped, braided, twisted, dyed, curled, and cut. And here I go, being cute as the fuck every single time. The nerve of me.

Somebody I know wrote and self-published a book, which is a huge accomplishment. I finished that book a couple days ago. Still haven't told them. It's... pretty bad. I need to figure out some way to not lie, but also not say that it's good and... I'm struggling. And I'm also mad at the editors (plural) that were paid to make sure it didn't end up looking exactly like it ended up looking. Just plot holes and spelling and grammar errors galore. I shudder to think about what it must've looked like before the edits.

I had two friends over the other day and since I'm still balling on a budget due to this upcoming move, I cooked for us instead of ordering food. Made a big pot of pasta and just knew I'd have leftovers to pack for lunch for a few days. One. I had one day of leftovers. Them niggas had multiple helpings and took food home. I'm glad and flattered that they loved it so much, but shit.

These past few days have been teaching me... I'm a counselor wherever I go. Whether it's my job title or not. it's just who I am. It shows up in my conversations and dealings with people all the time. Not in the sense that I take on an expert role and tell them how they should live their lives, but in the sense that... I'm very good at making others feel comfortable around me. Comfortable to the point of telling me all their business. It's not something I ask for, it's not something I set out to do, but it happens. Often.

Now that I'm a month out from my last retwist and my roots are getting fuzzy, I'm noticing a lot more gray hairs than I remember having. I'm used to seeing a good two or three, but the other day I counted at least 10 of them bitches on one side of my head alone! I'm not mad at it, but it did surprise me.

I'm proud as fuck of my credit score. Saying that out loud feels like bragging, but this is my page, so... 🤷🏾‍♀️ Me and my roommate applied for an apartment we want and the score they came back with for me? Shiiiiiiit I'm out here lol.

Coco Gauff said, "Debt? I don't know her. I didn't go to college so I don't have student bills and my parents never put me in a position to have debt." What an iconic answer. Love that for her lol.

#scatter #scatter-brained #792

[dirtytransmasc]

ralvez but...

*spelling errors will be fixed tomorrow, this is just getting my thoughts down while they're still coherent in my mind, I just don't have the energy to edit at the moment*

ralvez but it's just luke helping Spence heal. not move on, not push down, not get over. heal from all the shit he's gone through, abandon all of the nasty habits and ideologies he's formed over the years.

ralvez but it's Luke just holding Spence's head above the water giving him a chance to breathe without a fight.

ralvez but its Luke holding Reid close, giving him all of the love and attention he need, and staring in awe every morning when he wakes up before Spence and gets to see the sun cast down on his face.

ralvez but Luke heals himself by helping Spencer. Spencer healing Luke without even knowing, just by existing, by rambling and fiddling and loving.

ralvez but its just luke treating Reid like a person, not something small and fragile, not like a child, not patronizing and pitying him for his neurodivergence and trauma. giving him the accommodations he needs without treating him like an other or thing to be coddled.

ralvez but its Luke being the supportive shoulder to lean on. asking questions by giving options, not leaving it so open ended that it's overwhelming. not making Spencer feel like he has to say he's fine, giving him the space to talk when he wants, and space to hurt and feel when he's not ready to put everything into words.

ralvez but Luke never takes their relationship as consent. he always asks before touching, always makes sure Reid is comfortable even with the smallest of things.

ralvez but Luke doesn't become Spencer's keeper. he lets Spencer be his own person, let's him fight his own battles, unless he asks for help. he doesn't become and over bearing gaurd dog, boxing Reid in, cutting him off from the world.

ralvez, but it's Luke giving Reid a space to be angry. angry at the team for every time they let him down. telling him it's ok to be angry and still love them, to acknowledge they didn't mean to hurt him but still did.

ralvez but it's just Luke taking the time to learn who Spencer is, helping Spencer relearn himself.

ralvez but it starts with Luke just helping Reid exist, they don't even realize it; hanging out after work cause they're both lonely turns into sleepovers. sleepovers go from one in the couch and then other on the bed, to sharing the bed. sharing turns into cuddling, cuddling turns to pressing close during nightmares and sleepless nights. waking up and still staying close till they're both forced out of bed for one reason or another, cause they both yearn for touch. they're basically inseparable, the team can't help but notice how they are tied together by a invisible yet tangible force. how they're both visibly happier. they are, by definition, a couple for years before they make it official with words. they've held hands and gone on dates, don't the typical couple things the whole time, shared a kiss here and there, and they're perfectly content. they've said 'I love you' since they can remember. they just never needed to put a word or label on it, both are fine just being and existing as they are. that's more then enough for them.

ralvez but each other's existence, is both a comforting weight that presses the breath out of your lungs, making you feel like you're no longer full of stale air and cobwebs - and a reliving lightness, that eases the pain in tired bones.

ralvez, but they're just soulmates. nothing more, nothing less.

am I autistic rambling about a ship I'm obsessed with because I'm autistic and I project onto Spence AND luke makes me feel safe, and then turning that rambling into something close to a poem because I'm gay and a writer... no, why would you say that?

#ralvez #luke alvez #spencer reid #criminal minds #autism #original poem #kinda sorta #writing #my writing #gay #gay mlm #im gay autistic and tired

[mysteriouslybluepirate]

15 QUESTIONS FOR 15 FRIENDS

Tagged by @izzy-b-hands Thank you so much!! I know tag games are slowly fading from fashion, but they are a lovely excuse to rant a bit!

1.) ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

Nope! When my mother gave birth she randomly chose a name from a book she liked! She was between two, one becoming my name second becoming my middle name! (My middle name being -Amaya!)

I have been debating changing my, but it's a misspelling of a common name. If someone says it there's a 50/50 chance they say the male spelling, so I can't *not* appreciate it. That and it flows off the tongue with my last name.

[BUT OMG- Izzy would be *such* a good nickname. My ongoing gender crisis makes it hard to choose just 1.(Though I will 100% get a spade/swallow/Polaris(4-pointed star) tattoo on my hand at some point)]

2.) WHEN WAS THE LAST NIGHT YOU CRIED?

I don't know. Probably around 2-3 months ago??? I've been very busy lately, and usually only cry with fic or when it just *naturally* happens. I've been stressed, so I think I'll plan out a good cry this weekend!

Recently I've been frustrated after I received critiques about how I write in a few college classes, which has been a bit rough, but I'll learn from it. A lot of this has to do with how having a bad attention span affects how I write(if you're a follower of mine, you've definitely noticed my errors). I've noticed this in my fanworks as well, a lot of missed words or autocorrects incorrectly editing my work. I am debating going back and re-editing everything out of embarrassment. A combination of ADHD+ Dyslexia is hell when you like writing.

3.) DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

No! No hate to those who do, but I don't think I could be a parent. I know I CAN but I haven't beaten my demons yet, and I wouldn't want to pass them down. I want to make sure I can work through my own habits first.

If I could afford them? I would be much more 50/50. In a few years if my partner REALLY wants them, and we have a support system to help raise them, and we can afford them? MAYBE. I'm the eldest in my family, so maybe I'll get to be a cool uncle.

4.) WHAT SPORTS HAVE YOU PLAYED/DO YOU PLAY?

I'm very uncoordinated. I tried out for the volleyball team when I was around 13, and didn't make the team. On top of having issues showing up consistently that would have made weekly practice hell, I have always been a twig. In High School, after I figured my own habits out a bit more, I was in band/marching band and theater!

Today, I work on my feet, and enjoy indoor rock climbing and weight lifting. Though it really doesn't look like I do!

5.) DO YOU USE SARCASM?

Yes! But it doesn't land unless you've known me forever. I think I'm a hoot, but if I take the energy I bring hanging out with family into the real world? It doesn't transfer. My humor is very dry and half the time people end up explaining how 'you don't understand___' when in reality, I was making a joke. Now I'm getting a lecture.

6.) WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?

Besides outward appearance, I tend to notice moods pretty well before they start talking. Stress, anxiety, anger, happiness, etc, someone's body language. Might be a survival mechanism from growing up with my parent, but it's helpful. THAT and I have a really bad resting bitch face, and 'sad' looking eyes that make me not, look happy 90% of the time. If I do, I'm purposefully smiling.

The 'energy' someone brings to the conversation usually determines how it's going to go. I'm awful with names and faces. At my current job, I've been there since November and can only name 5/40ish coworkers. It's currently March.

Body part-wise? Eyes. I force eye contact like it's no one's business.

7.) WHAT'S YOUR EYE COLOUR?

Brown! Dark brown, not yet black. I usually wear brown glasses to match my brown hair+eyes. Plus a brown jacket/boots. Overall, I also dress in a LOT of browns. Very 70s-style white hippie meets flannels!

8.) SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

BOTH!

I'm joking, but in all actuality, I just need narrative consistency that fits the tone of your story. Realize if it's a tragedy or comedy and give it a fitting ending.

If we assume this question is more 'do you want to be scared/sad from the stuff you watch or do you just want comfort media?' I heavily lean more comfort. Though I love taking these shows and turning them a bit horrific, it's always to serve a central idea of character growth.

'Character A from show needs to learn a lesson'. Alright, what if the thing that teaches them this lesson is a ghost. Or if a character is thrown into the world suddenly alone-they to have them learn they are competent and not helpless. If that makes any sense.

I enjoy horror/tragedy as a group of tropes but enjoy it more as a way to tell a human story.

9.) ANY TALENTS?

I would frame them as hobbies more than talents, as I've never been naturally good at anything.

I enjoy playing bass guitar/guitar, I embroider, and of course, I write. But I am trying to improve in all of these as I go about my life.

For my instruments, I rely on Rocksmith! I love hooking up an instrument, turning my mind off, and letting my fingers do the work as I listen to songs I like on repeat. As I mentioned with being uncoordinated above with sports, it's slow progress, but I'm having fun doing it!

When I write, I know I have issues really editing my work. I'll change a sentence, and miss a few words in the edit, so now the entire paragraph doesn't flow. That, with dyslexia and the writing platform I use having a less than reliable spell check? Yeah. I wish to improve in how I write. My sentences often don't flow together. I jump from thought to thought, but I'm getting better at catching my thoughts. I only just started writing again in 2022, so I'm trying not to be too hard on myself.

I've been told I'm good with lecturing, but that's just from my love of writing essays.

10.) WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

Small town in Montana, USA. I've lived in Texas, Hawaii, and Virginia due to family being in the military until I was in my early teens. I would say I'm a Montana'ian, as I've spent over half of my life here. It's not awful, the price of living is getting bad as nature lovers with money take the property, but things could be worse. I wish I could leave the US. However, I've realized I need to grow my career and have experience before any country would let me emigrate. So I'll be in my thirties before I have the chance to. (I have no idea if that GIF is in Montana but it fits the vibe)

11.) WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?

Writing, reading, drawing(it's god awful, but I doodle), listening to music, and I've been trying to get into recording podfics for a year at this point. My hatred of my own voice is seriously holding me back.

12.) DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?

Yes! I currently have two cats of my own, Polly and Cricket. Both of whom I have inserted into the random fic, as some overly proud pet parents can admit to. They've been with me since early high school, 2016ish. As I currently live with family and do online school, they live with me, and have since 2020. But, due to me going back to in-person classes this fall, my mother will be taking them back. I highly empathize with @izzy-b-hands as I will be in a similar situation soon. Shit sucks!

13.) HOW TALL ARE YOU?

5'9/5'10. Taller if I'm in my boots! I enjoy it.

14.) FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL?

Even with my issues keeping a consistent thought, and god-awful dyslexia, I loved English. I averaged around a 90% even if I tried my hardest, but I just fell in love with story analysis and literature. Back then I was convinced a STEM field would save me, so I graduated with 7 math courses and 6 sciences completed in 4 years. Only indulging in the 1 required English in all four years of school. If not for the pandemic and college making me realize I hated most sciences, I wouldn't have fallen back in love with writing. Not taking the schools english classes was my main regret in Highschool.

So either English or History. History was easy for me-I had A+'s in all my courses. Mainly because I memorized historical events like one would a story. Good stuff though.

15.) DREAM JOB?

Writer-teacher-therapist. I am working on becoming the ladder but honestly, the retention rate is so low, most leave the field in their first ten years. I wouldn't want to be a teacher to gen alpha kids, given how most are years behind their grade. But a professor wouldn't be a bad job.

My want to be a therapist comes from controlling some of my hours, and in-depth interactions with the public that go beyond fake customer service smiles. I hate dehumanization and all my jobs so far have been putting on more masks that I already have been struggling to take off for years. That, and I have issues doing work I'm not passionate about but I already see myself falling in love with the field. Especially drug rehabilitation work. My main hesitancy is how our current healthcare system in the US is unaffordable and hard to manage for the insured or uninsured.

If being a therapist falls through, I've enjoyed most of my janitorial jobs. I enjoy working at warehouses right now, given how they let you listen to music and the work is independent, but I've most enjoyed being a janitor in a hospital's kitchen. Maybe I can take the analysis I do here and make YouTube videos? Who knows. I don't dream of labor, but a menial 9-5 where I clock out and have a life sounds perfect. I am not what my job position says I am.

But @izzy-b-hands is right, any sugar-baby situation is preferable!

#text post! #I'm not going to tag anyone as MOST of those I keep in thouch with in the fandom are already tagged! #BUT! #Don't be afriad to respond to this if you'd like!!

[reinerslt]

Back to you - Part 2 [SMUT] || Reiner Braun

Summary: You get to see Reiner again after he ran away.

TW: angst, oral sex, penetration, creampie, a bit of size kink. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!

Warning: there may be spelling errors as well as syntax errors as English is not my first language.

It had not been difficult for you to infiltrate the warriors' residence. With a good disguise and knowing the hours of training so that Pieck or Zeke would recognise you, you had managed to get to Reiner's room, just as Gabi and Falco had told you. Being very careful not to let anyone see you enter, you entered the room, unsure if it was really his room.

It smelled like him. There was no doubt now, this was Reiner's room.

The curtains were drawn almost all the way back, turning the room into a kind of cave with a single ray of sunlight that allowed you to see the few objects clearly.

Insecurities crept over you as you examined the room. What would he think when he saw you? It was he who left, it was he who left you. What if he wasn't happy to see you? What if he didn't want you to go there yet? You tried to calm down and not cry, but it didn't work, you let yourself fall into the bed that was his every night. You hugged your pillow and started to cry, what if he had met someone else? Someone from Marley, someone from the same world as his. You felt the walls getting smaller and smaller. And what if someone else came in and you were found out? "I shouldn't have come here, I'd better go home. You sat up, determined to run away, but as you lifted your head from the pillow you heard a crunch. There was something underneath. Your heart was pounding again. You turned your head and saw a piece of paper sticking out. You tugged uneasily, you had to know what it was, but you also needed to run away.

You saw yourself sleeping in one of the Survey Cops' beds. You always thought it was a lie, just another joke, but it wasn't, he drew you one night after showing you how much he loved you and how beautiful you were sleeping. He wanted to freeze that moment to take you with him, because he knew that when the time came you would have to let him go. The paper was beginning to look worn and the charcoal was a bit smudged by the touch. Reiner hadn't forgotten you either.

You couldn't believe it, it hadn't all been in vain. It could be that there was hope in the end. You were in shock, you didn't know what to do, but you were still holding the paper in your hands when you heard a hoarse voice in the corridor "See you tomorrow". But you didn't care, you kept looking at the drawing, you were completely foreshortened, with your back to him so that it showed your shoulder and your bare back just behind the middle of your sleeping face, it was so angelic that it could only be the work of a man in love.

The door opened and you looked up. A tall, very strong and muscular man walked in. You couldn't tell if it was him or not. His facial features were much more pronounced than your Reiner's, and he had a beard.

He stared at you with an astonished look on his face but without articulating a word. He closed the door behind him and locked it, still looking at you. The drawing trembled in your hands and you put it down on the table next to the bed, looking at him.

"Y/N" you managed to say with a trembling voice. "I, I am -". You noticed how his eyes began to glaze over as his breathing became agitated. You stood up to him, he had changed so much... He wasn't the tough 17 year old you had fallen in love with, and he wasn't the 21 year old you had let go either. But he was him.

"Rei" you finally managed to say when you were only a couple of steps away from him. He collapsed, unable to hold back the tears as you took his cheek in your hand, brushing your big thumb against it. "Rei, it's all the same, it's all right. He hugged you so tightly that you could barely breathe, your head was trapped between his chest muscles that were heaving from crying.

"I'm sorry, i'm really sorry" he managed to say as he pulled you even tighter against him. "It's ok Rei, really, I love you anyway" he lowered his head to look at you "I love you too". You held his gaze for a while, he lowered his head even more as you lifted your heels, and after 4 long years you were going to be able to kiss him again.

You could feel your breath mingling with his. You were hungry for him, you embraced his lips with yours in a passionate kiss, it wasn't wild but it wasn't shy either. Your tongues met in a struggle for dominance as your bodies grew closer and closer. Reiner lifted you up and put you against the wall while you wrapped your legs around his torso and put a hand on his neck and kissed him. You wanted to show him how much you missed him. He let out a growl in the middle of the kiss without separating your mouths and mumbled your name and then pressed you tighter against him and the wall. You were starting to feel your panties getting wet from how horny you were. It had been so long since you had felt his warm kisses and his body pressed against yours, you couldn't contain your desire to have him inside you."Fuck, Reiner" you said lowering one of the hands you had on his neck, holding you, towards his toned arms. You moved your hips downward looking for some contact with his member, and found a hard wood beginning to desperately seek your entrance as well. He bit into your neck and made you moan softly. "Let me take care of you, please," he said with his head still nestled in the curve of your neck. You nodded your head before kissing him again and noticed how the large bulge in his trousers throbbed against you.

He moved with you still clinging to him, and before you could sit up in bed you threw the large trench coat on the floor. You began to undress slowly but eagerly, you had spent too much time without each other and wanted to enjoy the moment as much as you could. You unbuttoned Reiner's shirt almost desperately, you wanted that body as much as the first time you touched it. The same thing happened to him, he was left admiring your perky breasts, thinking about how much he wanted to make you his again. He kissed you lovingly and began to caress every inch of your body. Running his hard warrior's hands over your delicate nipples made you moan, and the same happened when he got to your underwear. You wanted to do it yourself, but when you got to his cock he pulled away "No, I'll focus only on you. I owe you. I can wait" and without letting you respond he stroked your clitoris over your panties while he started kissing and biting your tits. Before getting rid of your underwear he ran his middle finger along your slit enjoying how wet he had made you.

He pressed your body against the bed before inserting two of his fingers, and began to move them in and out in rhythm, he remembered well how to make you needy. He stopped to start giving you a fluid rhythm, you felt a knot in your lower stomach and next was his face between your legs. His insatiable lips grabbed your clitoris and kept fingering you. He ran his tongue over every inch of your pussy, licking and sucking, he loved tasting your juices. He didn't mind getting lube all over himself, and he enjoyed like nobody's business as his tongue pushed into you while his nose rubbed your clit mercilessly. Finally focusing on your clitoris again. You gripped his hair tightly and arched your back from the vibrations he produced in your pussy. You moved your hips towards him in a desperate attempt to get more of him. You pulled on his hair to make him look at you "Let me ride you, I want you inside".

He positioned himself between your legs to kiss you, and when he did he grabbed you to position you on top of him. You rubbed yourself all over him, leaving him wet to make it easier for you later. He was stunned to be able to look at your naked body on top of his again and gently bit your right nipple, making you lose the urge to keep teasing him and developing the need for him to break you in two.

You positioned his cock at your entrance, very slowly inserting his member into you and eliciting moans from both of you. Rei, I can't take it, it's too big," he held back a chuckle in the middle of his throat, "you always say that, and then I always get you to take the whole thing," he said hoarsely. He placed a hand on your hip and pressed himself against you, pushing it in little by little as you mixed the pain and pleasure of having it between your legs again. When it was almost all the way in you began to bounce against him, filling your pussy with his big cock and rubbing your swollen clit against his skin. You saw his face turn red, you knew him well and you knew he was going to orgasm soon, so you used your best hip movements as you felt his firm hands holding you. Just when you thought he was about to come, without leaving you he rolled off the bed and changed positions, getting on top of you. He kissed you lovingly before he started pounding your pussy hard. You moaned his name. "Like this?"

"Yes, just like that." You embraced his strong body with your trembling legs, which couldn't hold the excitement much longer.

He moaned your name again, "missed you, missed this...... oh, fuck" watching his big body beg for yours, rubbing against you and hearing him cry out in pleasure along with the sheer physical pleasure Reiner was giving you brought you to orgasm. You screamed his name and scratched his back as he slammed his cock up towards your g-spot over and over and watched how he slid in and out of your wet pussy.

"Sh-shit, Y/N I'm gonna cum... oh FUCK" he said as he loaded you inside.

He stayed still on top of you while you stroked his back. Your shuddering breaths came in rhythm as you tried to regain.

Your shaky breaths came in rhythm as you tried to regain normality. Reiner came out of you and hugged you tightly to his chest before he started crying again.

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, I was more afraid of what the Marlyans might do to you than I was of being without you." You hugged him tightly "it's not your fault, none of this is your fault, my love."

He cried all night in your arms, but when you managed to sleep, it was the first time in 4 years that you both slept without nightmares or insomnia. You were back home, back with Reiner at last.

The light of dawn peeked through the gap between the curtains and allowed you to see Reiner's titanic, sculpted body. He was all yours. Half asleep he pulled you against him, putting his arm around your waist and placing his hand on your ass. You laughed to yourself and kissed him softly.

But it wasn't all going to be so easy.

"Reiner, you depraved man, let go of that poor girl now. There's a meeting and you're late" said Porco behind the door, and tried to open it "come on, we want to see who it is, we've made bets". Reiner's eyes widened quickly and he looked at you in panic.

How were you supposed to get out of there without being recognised by Cart Titan or Zeke?

You were screwed.

Taglist: @noodlenerd101

#aot #aot final season #reiner braun #aot smut #reiner smut #reiner fanfic #reiner snk #reiner #shingeki no kyojin reiner #reiner x you #reiner x y/n #imagine reiner

[the-original-skipps]

Dear Future.

Mikey x Reader ft. Draken, Emma, Takemichy, Mitsuya, Pah-chin

Requested by @klaudia077

Word count: 1.7k

Note: Everyone in this fic is an adult. Since 12 years have passed. Plus I had to reread that chapter, Iー

Warning ⚠️ Contains heavy spoilers from the manga. Plus spelling and grammar errors.

The chime rings as you press your finger against the doorbell. You stand with Mikey hands full of groceries, you glance to your right and see Mikey standing beside you. When your eyes catch his, he gives you a small smile. You can tell he was excited.

The front door opens to reveal Emma, who was dressed casually. "Mikey!" She exclaims as he pulls the raven haired man into a hug, he smiles while returning the embrace. She pulls away from her brother and envelops you into a hug, "I'm so glad you came (Y/N)-chan...!" "Of course, it's great to see you again Emma, we brought some stuff!" You reply with a giggle slowly pulling away from her. "Come in come in!" She ushers both you and Mikey inside, before leading you to the living room.

"Yo Mikey (Y/N)."

As three of you entered the living room, you were greeted with a sight that instantly made your heart soften. There sitting on the sofa was Draken and in his arms was his beautiful daughter, Mirai. She was a small precious thing so small compared to her father's figure. Emma approaches Draken before pressing a kiss to his forehead, before cooing at her daughter. You and Mikey stand by stand enchanted by the family before you. "Wanna hold her, Mikey?" Draken's question breaks Mikey out of his trance as he blinks owlishly. "I don't know how to hold a baby, Kenchin..." Mikey replies with a bit of hesitancy in his voice.

"Go on, Uncle Mikey..." You assure Mikey with a smile encouraging him to hold his niece, as you take the plastic bags from his hands-walking to place them on the dining table. Mikey glaces at you one last time before stepping forward, you could tell he was nervous. Draken grins before gently placing the new born child into Mikey's stiff arms. "Isn't she adorable?" Draken exclaims excitedly before standing beside Mikey while Emma peers over his shoulder with a smile. "Yeah...am I holding her right?" Mikey nervously asks but was quickly assured by her parents. You could feel your heart warming and tears forming in your eyes at the sight of the four of them. How as a teenager, Mikey told you how dreamed of this day and it was finally happening. Him, Emma, Draken and their daughter together as a family. You couldn't be anymore more happy for them.

"Want to hold her too (Y/N)-chan?"

You quickly wipe away your tears as their eyes turn towards you, you nod as Emma takes her daughter from Mikey's arms before placing her within yours. You smile as you peer down at the bundle of warmth within your arms who peers up at you with curiosity. "She has your eyes, Emma-chan..." you say as you turn to look at the blonde woman, who gleams at your words. "What no, she looks more like me!" Draken intervenes as he watches his wife bleam at you with happiness.

"Nah, I definitely think she looks more like Emma. Sorry Kenchin, but you're kinda ugly."

"Mikey, why you!"

Immediately the two males start to bicker back and forth, while you and Emma coo over her daughter. Before they could start throwing the furniture around, Emma immediately glares at them and hits them both over their heads. You could watch as you sweatdrop at the scene of Emma scolding her husband and her older brother.

.

.

.

It wasn't long until Mitsuya, Takemichy and Pah-chin arrived as well. In their hands holding plastic bags full of sake and beer. You and Emma with Mirai in her arms both watch from the side as the five men reunited and greeted each other. "Oi Takemichy, why didn't you bring Hina-chan?" Draken questions before ruffling his hair.

"S-She said she has an important meeting today, but she really wanted to come!"

"Well, it looks like it'll be just the two of us girls (Y/N)-chan" Emma says with a sigh. You give her an apologetic smile, as her husband and your boyfriend seemed to completely forget about you both. "Why don't we prepare dinner?" You ask her to taking your eyes off the men before turning to meet hers. "Sure! Let me just put Mirai to sleep." She smiles before leading you to the kitchen.

.

.

.

While the males were gathered around a kotatsu talking amongst themselves. You and Emma were busy in the kitchen preparing ingredients for a hotpot meant for seven people. After a while Mitsuya pops up, "need some help?" "That would be great." You reply as you were busy cutting the vegetables. Mitsuya quickly observes the kitchen, before gathering the necessary utensils for a hot pot. Once you and Emma were done preparing. Mitsuya slowly brings out all of the ingredients you prepared to the kotatsu table. Everyone sat around the kotatsu, you taking a seat beside Mikey while Emma sits beside Draken.

"Let's eat!"

The table was filled with laughter and talk as all of you converse with one another. "This is delicious!" Pah-chin explains as he takes another biteful of meat with his chopsticks. "Careful, Pah don't eat too much or else you won't fit into your tux." Mitsuya warns him as Pah takes big mouthfuls from his bowl. "I don't think he's listening..." Takemichy speaks as he too observes Pah-chin.

You smile as you place a piece of sliced meat into Mikey's bowl, he immediately bleams at you while he places a mushroom into your own bowl. "I gave you meat and you give me a mushroom, that's not a fair trade." You say as you raise your eyebrow at Mikey. "Come on, Mikey eat your vegetables!" Emma scolds her brother from across the table. "I'll eat whatever I want!" Mikey instantly replies back as he eats another piece of sliced meat with a pout on his face. You cover your mouth as laughter erupts around the table. Even as an adult Mikey still has troubles eating his vegetables.

.

.

.

"Cheers!" You all shout before taking a drink from your can of beer. Once dinner was finished and put away, Draken and Mikey were quick to usher everyone to drink. You smile as you and Emma take a sip from your cans while the rest of the men try to finish their can of beer in one go. Draken was first to finish his drink, slamming his can down on the table with a yell the rest follow while Takemichy ends up being last. "Another round!" Pah-chin yells out, grabbing another can of beer. The rest of the men follow as they get engrossed into their game of who can drink the most. As the men crowd around one side of the kotatsu, you and Emma ended up sitting together on the other side.

"Men..." Emma says with a roll of her eyes as she takes another sip of her beer. You giggle agreeing to her statement. Your eyes cast over the group of ex-delinquents, as they talk excitedly about the past. Your eyes linger towards Mikey who laughs at what Mitsuya says. You couldn't help but smile as you see the light in your boyfriend's eyes. You've all come a long way, many things happened but here you all were together twelve years later.

While you and Emma talk amongst yourselves, you both notice the men getting louder by the minute, especially Mikey who was practically yelling at this point. You also noticed that Pah-chin was completely passed out under the kotatsu, snores leaving his lips. There were cans of beer littering the table and floor. The room was a complete mess so to say. As Mikey excitedly tells the story of Takemichy who got poop stuck in his hair, a sound of a baby crying interrupts him.

Oh no.

Emma immediately stands up with an empty can of beer in hand. All eyes land on her as she throws it hitting Mikey on his head and a dead silence follows. Mikey winces as he rubs the spot where the can hit.

"What was that for?!"

"You woke the baby up!"

"I did not, everyone else was being loud too!"

"Hey, don't try to pin the blame on us Mikey.." Draken says with a grin on his face.

"Who thinks it's Mikey's fault? Raise your hands!" Draken yells out as Mitsuya and Emma immediately raise their hands, while Takemichy and you reluctantly raise yours. Mouthing a quick "I'm sorry" to your boyfriend as Emma leaves the room. "Hey, you guys can't do that, I'm the leader of Toman!" Mikey points accusingly at the men in the room. "Ex-leader!" Draken exclaims with a chuckle. Then Emma appears with a frying pan in her hands as she picks up another empty can of beer. Before, with all her might hurling it towards Mikey, who managed to dodge it due to his fast reflexes. Mikey immediately stands up as he dodges another can being flung at him.

"Help me (Y/N)!"

"Sorry Mikey but you're on your own." You managed to say in between your laughter as Draken and Mitsuya laughs along with you. "Oh it's gonna start again!" Mitsuya says with a grin as he watches the scene unfold in front of him. Realizing you won't help him, Mikey turns to his Draken for help.

"Don't just sit there and laugh Kenchin!" Mikey yells out as he dodges another empty can of beer being flung at him. Only for it to hit Takemichy square in the head, looks like Takemichy might be the next to pass out. "Don't run away Mikey!" Emma yells as you, Draken and Mitsuya all laugh as eventually Emma chases Mikey around the living room with her frying pan, yells echoing throughout the house. Despite all the noise, Pah-chin remains sound asleep.

Even as twelve years passed some things never change. As Mikey runs around the living room trying to dodge empty beer cans and Emma's fury. Laughter momentarily escapes his lips while Emma huffs. He could hear the rest laughing as well, especially your sweet laughter. Mikey smiles running while Emma follows close behind, raising her fry pan in the air. This moment, this life, this future he wouldn't trade it for the world.

So this is happiness.

#sano manjiro #mikey tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers #mikey x reader #sano manjiro x reader #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo revengers imagines #tokyo revengers x y/n #takemichi hanagaki #tokyo revengers takemichi #tokyo revengers mitsuya #takashi mitsuya #tokyo revengers draken #ken ryuuguji #tokyo revengers pah chin #sano emma #tokyo revengers emma #tokyo revengers scenarios #tokyo revengers fluff

[heyitsmerose]

Letting Go

Pairing: Broken!Reader x Stranger!Yunho

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Hurt Comfort

Word Count: 12.1k

Summary: You've never felt more down. Despite having a loving family and studying at a good school you still aren't happy. You may have many objective luxuries, but you don't have anyone to talk to. The stress from all around you is getting to you and you finally break. You can't take this anymore. Deciding to finally take matters into your own hands and end this for good, you go to your favourite bridge one last time to say your goodbyes to the world. Until someone stops you that is...

Warnings/Disclaimer: In no way do I mean to romanticise mental illness. Through this oneshot, I want to show depression and other mental heath issues for what they are. I will not sugar coat anything and will show them for how exhausting and painful they are. Again, I am not writing this to romanticise mental illness, rather provide comfort and create a safe space to talk about mental health. Remember, it's never too late to get help, and I'm always here for you. It can be as small as personally messaging me how you're feeling today, I'm here to listen :) This oneshot will obviously be talking about suicide, depression, obsession and mental health in general. If these topics trigger you, this oneshot may not be for you.

Suicide

Depression

Swearing

Mentions of Sexual Abuse

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Youtube Playlist

1:05  ───|────── 2:53

|◁              II             ▷|

*I've spent a few weeks on this, I'm sorry if there are spelling errors, I've read the entire thing maybe 5-6 times.

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Facing the window in front of you, you sighed. You felt numb. It was raining and was around 6 pm. It was cloudy outside and the rain made the sky a few shades darker than normal. One of your windows was opened and you could smell the rain. The earth smell that made you feel all giddy inside. Excitement used to bubble inside you whenever you recognized the familiar scent of the wet earth, it indicated that it was going to rain. You loved the rain. It felt so comforting and the sound of the raindrops calmed you. At least that's how it used to feel. Now, you feel numb. Unaware of your surroundings and unfazed by a natural phenomenon that once caused you joy.

You sighed looking outside. It was frustrating. The rain that once comforted you was now frustrating. The constant pitter-patter noises bothered you and you were unable to get anything done. You slammed the window shut with all the force you could muster and plopped yourself back on your chair, redirecting your attention to what was on the desk. Ahh right, you had homework to finish. The bright screen of your laptop burned your eyes and caused them to feel sore but you couldn't care less.

You had 2 essays due tomorrow and although that didn't sound like a lot it was just the tip of the iceberg. Not only did you have 2 essays to start (and finish on the same day), you also had an oral presentation you had to give tomorrow for your music class. You didn't have your presentation ready and you were presenting to over 50 other people.

You had everything you could have possibly wanted. Your parents were not too rich but you were quite well off with a duplex in a multi-story apartment. Your dad had a stable career and was the country manager of a company giving him a good amount of power. Your mother was a social butterfly and had many connections. They sent you to a private school and let you study what you wanted. Although you didn't have any close friends in school, you had a few people you sat with.

See? You had everything you could have possibly wanted but you were still miserable. You knew this wasn't normal. For the past few months, you felt numb. There wasn't a better word to describe it. You felt apathetic and unfazed by everything. You were slowly starting to lose interest in the things you once found thrilling and fun and felt disconnected from reality. Your own parents felt like strangers and you felt like you couldn't talk to them. In actuality, your parents were loving and provided you with everything you could have possibly wanted. They took really good care of you and regularly showed affection. They were also quite understanding and were easy-going and fun. The fact that your parents are so caring makes you feel all the more guilty about telling them. You can't tell anyone.

You huffed, running your hands through your hair roughly. You gripped the roots of your hair and began to feel it again. The feeling of darkness creeping into your mind.

"what's the point of this?"

"I want this to stop"

"When will it get better?"

"Does it ever get better?"

In all honesty, you felt hopeless. You had to begin and finish 2 whole essays and prepare your presentation. Listening to music, eating anything, or even taking a break were useless, they would just distract you. You chewed the end of your pencil enough to make the end of it dent. Your teeth hurt but you continued doing so. At least the physical pain would distract you from this crazy workload. Or so you thought... You began to type on your laptop. You were writing your mid-term paper and were given the freedom to pick whatever topic you wanted as long as you felt like it expressed your emotions.

You typed the first thing that came to mind.

"I want to escape. I keep wanting for this to stop, I keep expecting everything to get better. It never does. It's an endless cycle of work and just more work. I feel like a robot and in all honesty, the lack of emotion is the only thing I'm feeling"

Your face had a stoic expression as your fingers fluttered across the keyboard. The gentle noise of keys clicking was the only thing heard for another hour or so. You didn't take any breaks and just wanted to get it done. At this point, you didn't care if it was good or even decent, you just wanted to get it done. That was very unlike you though. You were no topper, but you considered yourself quite hardworking and diligent. You were slowly falling behind though, but you couldn't care less. You just wanted to get it over with.

In the essay you wrote, you didn't get too personal, you simply wrote about your feelings and personified them. You spoke about your feelings as if they were an obstacle in your way. Despite being quite specific, you made it seem as though you were not talking about yourself. You fixed up the grammar and printed out your paper, stapling it, ready to submit it tomorrow. You looked outside and by now it was way darker. It was around 8:30 and it was time for dinner.

You went downstairs to get your plate of dinner and greeted your mom.

"Y/n, you're finally here, I almost forgot you were even living in this house" She chuckled and your dad joined in. You didn't laugh though.

"Hey, cheer up, your mom was just kidding, is everything alright?" Your dad chimed in.

In all honesty, you knew your mom didn't mean it, she was just kidding, but mocking you for the amount of workload you had didn't seem right. The question by your dad, however, completely caught you off guard. In your heart, you knew you weren't. You noticed how you started drifting off and spacing out while someone was talking to you. You noticed how you stopped feeling joy and noticed how you never had time for anything but school. Your face was glued to the ground and you nodded. You didn't want to lie, but you couldn't help it. You'd feel guilty for possibly making them feel like it was their fault.

Your parents both just sighed and your mom held your hand. She brought you to sit at the dining table and looked at you with nothing but love in her eyes.

"Y/n... We know something is bothering you. You know you can tell us anything right?" Your mom asked as she cupped your cheek. You looked back up at her and saw both of your parents looking at you worriedly.

You could feel the back of your eyelids stinging. Your throat got dry and you felt a burning in your nose. This was it. This was your chance to finally tell them how you felt. You wanted to tell them everything. From how you felt incompetent, to the constant stress and pressure. You wanted to finally break down your walls and tell them that you lacked the feelings you felt before. But you couldn't. The lump in your throat grew and you felt the corners of your eyes getting wetter. You couldn't get any words out. You badly wanted to just let it all out, but the words were stuck in your throat.

You also couldn't just break down all of a sudden or they would get really worried. You couldn't let them watch you break down. You would never forgive yourself if they ever thought the way you were feeling was because of them.

You simply sucked in a deep breath of air and looked away before they noticed anything was wrong.

"I just have a lot of work. I have more to do though, so if you could excuse me." You said, your voice wavering as you walked away from them.

"What about your dinner?" Your mom asked pointing at the counter. You just sighed and picked up a plate of food. Your hands trembled and your lip quivered from the overwhelming situation and you rushed to your room as fast as you could. As soon as you left, your mom just sighed and looked at your dad and her face showed immense concern. He brought her into his warm embrace reassured her. You would come to them when the time was right. You would eventually tell them what was bothering you. right? Although you didn't want them to feel guilty, they already did.

The second you reached your room upstairs you locked the door behind you. You tossed the food into the dustbin near your desk and put the plate aside. You felt guilty. Every day your mom would make you a full course meal only for you to throw it away without even having a bite. You couldn't help it though. You had a lot of work to do and eating was not your first priority. Besides, you already had lunch. This was not a rare occurrence. You would usually skip breakfast and dinner, directly eating lunch. Your stomach growled but you couldn't care less.

You rushed into the bathroom in your room and closed the door behind you. Your back slid down the door and your hands flew to your face. You almost blew your cover. It was quite an overwhelming situation. Your hands covered your mouth as the first sob wracked through your body. You were lucky that you were in the bathroom, in your room, on the second floor, it was practically impossible for anyone to hear you.

Your hands moved up to your hair as you gripped it tightly in between your fingers. Slowly, more cries came out. The bathroom echoed with your sobs and heavy breathing. You tried muffling your cries to no avail. You sobbed loudly while you shoved your palm against your mouth trying to stop yourself from crying but nothing worked. You tried digging your fingernails into your palm to distract yourself from all the emotional pain with physical pain but it still didn't work.

You tried breathing steadily only to break out into sobs a few seconds later. You let out gut-wrenching sobs that had been bottled up for too long now. Your throat was raw and your nose was red.

"Make it stop" You whispered to yourself. Were you being dramatic? Were you overreacting? You didn't know and you didn't care. Your sobs slowly died down but your hands were still clamped over your mouth trying to get them to stop completely.

After a few minutes, you went to wash your face. You noticed your eyes were red and your hair was not in a bun anymore but was now all over the place. You sighed and washed your face with cold water trying to remove any traces of that sudden breakdown. Besides, you just wasted around 20 minutes of your time, crying when you could have been working and finishing off your other essay.

You didn't care to change your clothes and sat back on your desk. You sighed and looked out the window again. The rain had died down and there was now just a cool breeze. A layer of mist had collected after the rain coating the trees and plants outside. Despite living in the city, your window faced a big green space. In the mornings there were usually only around 3 people at max, making it quite empty. At night it was even more serene and lonely.

You drew shapes on your windows while trying to think of a topic to write your essay about. Your second essay was supposed to be an analysis report about any experiment of your choice.

You chose to write about the expectancy-value theory.

The Expectancy Value Theory suggests that motivation for a given behavior or action is determined by two factors: (i) expectancy, ie, how probable it is that a wanted (instrumental) outcome is achieved through the behavior or action; (ii) value, ie, how much the individual values the desired outcome.

You scoffed as you read it. Lies. All you've been taught to do is the work you've been given in school. You didn't want to do it. You didn't find it interesting and you couldn't care less about failing if it was up to you. The only reason you were working was because school wanted you to. If you had the option, you would gladly stop. So no, the expectancy-value theory, in your mind was not correct, since for some people, ie. you, motivation didn't come from yourself, rather it came in the form of forced requirements from others. Others have high expectations and expect good quality work from you, but if you were given the choice, you would take care of yourself instead of focussing so much on your studies. The expectancy theory, in your mind, as false as the only thing influencing you to work was other people forcing you.

You decided that was the perfect thesis for your essay and began to write. Although the point of the essay was to discuss the findings of the experiment, you went in a different direction. You wrote your entire essay about disproving that stupid experiment. You didn't discuss the data results but instead countered them with your own data. After another hour or so of aggressive typing and writing shit about Martin Fishbein, you decided you were finally done and decided to finish off your essay. You were happy with the way it turned out, although it was certainly not what was asked of you.

You wrapped up your essay by simply restating your points and you printed that too. By this point, it was already 11 pm and although you weren't sleepy, you just wanted to get this over with and rest. Your final task for tomorrow was your music presentation. All you had to do was pick your favorite classical piece and write a bit about it.

Music was one of the only hobbies you liked. You took pride in composing and making music, however, your school had ruined it for you. The only things they made you do were to analyze pieces of music and discuss the elements of music and their implication. You never got to actually compose or make your own music so you started to dread it as a subject too.

You picked up the first piece that came to mind. Dvorak's 'Humoresque'. Wow, how original, you thought. You began to listen to the piece and understand it better. As a kid, this used to be your favorite piece. Now? It just feels bland. It doesn't feel the way it used to. You began scribbling a few quick points about the song before beginning your presentation.

After taking notes, you finally began working on your presentation. In total, it took around 4 hours to finish and it was exactly 4 am. You sighed and uploaded your presentation to a pen drive before packing up your bag for school.

You had to be up for school by 7 anyway, so you'd get 2-3 hours of sleep at max. You hopped into bed as soon as you were done, not caring about putting anything back or even changing your clothes.

Unfortunately, unlike you hoped, you weren't able to fall asleep as soon as your head crashed onto the pillow. Instead, your mind preoccupied with other things was way too clouded with stressful thoughts to let you relax enough to fall asleep.

You tossed and turned in bed as your stomach growled. You huffed and tried blocking out the feeling. You didn't regret skipping dinner, it was necessary to finish off your work. You sighed and closed your eyes, trying to sleep. You lied for at least 10 minutes simply doing nothing. You tossed and turned trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in, but nothing worked. Your mind was simply too preoccupied to let you rest. you closed your eyes trying to calm yourself, only for your thoughts to go back to yesterday evening. You remembered the short conversation with your parents and how they seemed genuinely concerned. Did they know what was happening to you? They were your parents, after all, they probably figured something was wrong.

Thinking about your relationship with them, you felt guilty. You realized how your conversations were never longer than 5-10 minutes and you were always the one to cut them short. You didn't spend as much time with them as you used to, instead of dedicating all your time to studying.

All of a sudden, you remembered how they used to take care of you when you were a child. You remembered the first time they taught you how to ride a bike, your first day of school, and your middle school graduation. You can't remember the last time you all were together as a family and enjoyed yourselves. You were usually too busy and you regretted it.

Unconsciously, you sniffled, your eyes getting watery again. You huffed, roughly wiping and rubbing your eyes, embarrassed that all it took for you to get emotional was a few memories. You sighed shakily, trying to get your thoughts away from that, or else you knew you'd have another breakdown. Still not being able to fall asleep for another 45 minutes, you gave up.

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You got up and checked your phone, only to see that the time was 6:30 am. How perfect. You didn't bother combing your hair and tied a messy bun, too tired and too unbothered to even attempt to look decent. You hopped into the bathroom, brushing your teeth and grabbing a towel. You looked back into the mirror as you did yesterday during your mini breakdown. You had dark circles under your eyes, your eyes were red and your nose was tinted pink. You couldn't care less though.

You hopped into the shower and turned the temperature to max coldness, trying to wake yourself up to make yourself look less tired and well... less dead. You shivered at the temperature but bared it for the sake of looking slightly presentable and more awake.

You grabbed your soap and began to lather some on your hands. A few seconds later though, you felt a mild stinging sensation on both of your palms. You quickly washed away the soap as it was starting to burn and inspected your hands. Your palms. They were bruised and cut slightly. You stared at your palms and the crescent-shaped cuts on both of your palms. There were exactly 4 crescent-shaped cuts on each palm with a bunch of bruising around it. You realized it was from digging your fingernails into your palms yesterday. You did so in an attempt to stop crying but it didn't work. Oh well, now you have this to worry about as well, could your life get any worse? You made sure to carefully lather on the soap being wary of the cuts on your palms.

After you took a bath and got ready, you made sure to double-check that you had packed both your essays and the presentation pen drive. After confirming, you grabbed your backpack and hurried downstairs. Although you felt guilty for randomly rushing out during dinner, you didn't want to confront your parents. The nerves from your upcoming presentation were creeping up onto you and you were beyond terrified. You didn't feel hungry and didn't want any confrontation.

You quickly hurried down the stairs and avoided your parents' eyes. At this point, it had become regular for you to leave the house without a word. Your mom wouldn't bother too much since she knew you'd usually buy yourself something to eat at school itself. Or so she thought. It was a lie you told her a long time ago. Despite this, due to your unfinished conversation yesterday you feared they would come after you or confront you so you avoided them at all costs and rushed outside. Lucky for you, your parents didn't mind too much and carried on with what they were doing.

Outside, you noticed how the mist from yesterday had settled and was now fogging up the roads slightly. The mist collected on the grass on the side of the sidewalks in the form of dewdrops and you could smell the same earthy smell. You checked your phone once to get a glimpse of the time and realized you were quite early. Despite this, you still couldn't calm your nerves.

You gripped both straps of your backpack, not lifting your head. You stared at the ground kicking small pebbles along your way. The entire walk to school was quite uneventful and not too interesting. You mainly stayed on the same side of the sidewalk and luckily nothing came in your way. It was a 5-7 minute walk to school since you lived quite close to school and didn't see the point in wasting gas.

Once you reached your school, you tried ignoring everyone in your way, just trying to submit your essays. You were quite nervous and just wanted to remove some burden from your shoulders so submitting your essays early in the morning would be the best option. You rushed into the school building immediately setting your target on your science class that was a few floors up.

Fortunately, the hallways and stairways were mostly empty with just a few teachers and staff and maybe 5-7 students. That was one of the perks of being this early, you could get things done freely without being rushed by the students. You decided to stop at the principles office first, and then drop off your science essay.

You had to drop off your mid-term essay outside the principles office where a few teachers were collecting them. You made your way to the outside of your principal's office to drop off your paper. While walking there, the pace of your heart quickened, although you were simply dropping off your essay, something about being this close to the principles office didn't sit right with you. As you got closer you could feel the tingly feeling in your stomach, caused by the nerves. You carefully walked right in front of the drop-off desk and greeted the teacher. You were asked to fill in your name and the date dropped off, so you were handed a pen.

You were mindful not to let the pen put pressure against the cuts in your palm, but couldn't help but wince softly as the pen brushed against them as you picked it up. The teacher simply looked at you and you forced a smile. As soon as you dropped off your essay, you rushed away from there as soon as possible to a less scary area.

You made your way to your science class and dropped off your essay about expectancy value and took your seat in class. You were quite proud of the essay you wrote since you felt like you portrayed your opinion quite well. You also had science first period anyways, so you took your usual seat near the window in the front of the class and started to unpack.

You waited for at least 10 to 15 minutes before your science teacher came into class. He wasn't surprised that you were early since you usually came quite early. When you noticed he entered class, you immediately averted eye contact and looked somewhere else. In all honesty, your science teacher scared you.

All the other girls gushed over how he was just 5 or 6 years older than you and was handsome. You didn't see what they saw in him as you knew he had ulterior motives. You noticed the blatant sexism in class and how he always paid more attention to the girls, explaining it to them in detail while just brushing off the guys. You noticed how whenever everyone left class, he would stare at the exposed legs of the female students caused by the knee-length skirt that was a part of the school uniform. You noticed how he would favor the girls in general, letting them have their way, even letting them use their phones in class from time to time.

Although he hadn't made any advances, he was still really sleazy in general, and the very thought of him creeped you out. You didn't have too many personal encounters with him, just a few weird looks here and there, so you tried to avoid him as much as you could. When he noticed that you were not paying attention to him he sighed and collected his things. Usually, he would simply leave you alone, knowing school would start soon, but since the both of you were quite early he tried making conversation.

"Hey Y/n, Good morning!" He said all of a sudden. You whipped your head up, surprised that he was talking to you since he had never done so before.

"Hi" You hesitantly replied making sure to not seem too nervous, but also look a little busy so he would leave you alone.

"How's everything going? Are you feeling okay?" Although you knew he asked you that question simply wanting to ask you how you were feeling, you couldn't help but think to last night when you had a similar conversation with your parents.

"U-um, I'm fine, yeah, I'm good" You stuttered, diverting your attention elsewhere indicating you were done with the conversation.

He simply sighed and sat back down on top of his desk. He noticed that you had submitted your science essay/report and decided to read a bit of it before class started hopefully to give you someone on one feedback.

He picked up the paper and the rustling of the pages alerted you. You looked back at him only to notice that he was reading your essay. You felt nauseous and giddy all of a sudden. He wasn't supposed to be reading your essay now, especially in front of you. Your mouth got dry and you tried to calm yourself. You looked away so he wouldn't notice your stare as he continued reading for the next 2 or 3 minutes.

You looked back at him from time to time and noticed how his eyebrows were scrunched. You saw his somewhat disappointed expression and your stomach dropped. Was your essay not okay? Was he going to fail you? Your breaths got shallower and you looked around trying to calm yourself. All of a sudden, your science teacher spoke.

"Y/n, this was not what was asked of you" He stated matter-of-factly. You felt frustrated and embarrassed and your heart was in your throat. You tried clearing your throat to be able to speak. You looked back up at him, finally making eye contact, and gulped.

"I don't- I don't understand, I did what was-" You finally got out, only to be interrupted by him again.

"No, you didn't. It seems like you're disproving the experiment instead of proving it true. Meet me after class, we can discuss how to fix it." He stated, looking at you with a distressed smile. You forced back a smile and quickly looked away.

Eventually, students began to fill up the class and around 10 minutes after that dreadful conversation, the class had finally started. Unfortunately for you, you kept spacing out and couldn't pay attention to what was being taught due to your mind lingering on your stupid science essay. You began to think it was your fault. Maybe you hadn't studied hard enough? Maybe you just weren't smart enough? You put your head down and proceeded to bear the next 85 minutes or so, absentmindedly.

Luckily for you, your teacher hadn't called on you even once. He simply kept teaching and asking other students questions. You noticed how he tried to make jokes from time to time while all the girls giggled, and although your head was down, you knew he most likely had a smug smile on his face. You scoffed and kept getting lost in your thoughts. After what felt like an eternity, you finally through the class.

Now, it was time to finally confront your science teacher after class and you were not looking forward to it. You acted as if you were packing your bag so the other students wouldn't suspect anything. The last thing you wanted was for them to think you were spending time outside class with your science doing god knows what.

After everyone left, you sat back at your desk and waited for him to call on you, or notice you hoping, to get this over with as soon as possible. He grabbed your paper again and went through it again. You sighed and looked down. He slowly shifted his gaze towards you and ushered for you to grab a chair and sit next to his desk.

You huffed and picked up your chair dragging it to his desk. You plopped it down and took a seat on it. He sighed and brought his chair next to yours sitting on it as well. He began to explain that the experiment that he expected was a 'scientific' one with tangible results instead of a "social experiment" to quote directly. You huffed getting annoyed, how could he say that psychological studies weren't as valid? They were equally important. You sighed and looked away getting frustrated.

He wanted to explain it better, and went to get his pen that was next to you. Instead of asking you to give it to him, like a normal person, he rested his hand on your knee, reaching over to get it. On the outside, you kept your cool but inside you were freaking out. You glared daggers at his hand which was on your knee and didn't lift your gaze, as if staring at his hand was going to make him take it off.

Even after he reached over and got his pen, his hand was still on your thigh. He began to talk about some random experiment but you weren't paying attention. Why wasn't he taking his hand off you? You tried adjusting and moving your leg, crossing them over, to get him to let go, but his grip was firm.

"Hey, Y/n are you listening?" He clarified all of a sudden. You slowly pulled your gaze away from your knee and looked him dead in the eye. You glared at him, indicating you didn't want this. Despite this, he just didn't know when to stop, did he?

"Hey, calm down, what's wrong?" He asked sincerely. If only his actions reflected the same care, you knew he knew what he was doing. In an attempt to calm you down, his hand moved further up, grasping your thigh. You gasped and looked up at him with your mouth agape.

"Let go." You said sternly, you knew he was your teacher but he had to know his limits.

"Hey, I didn't mean it like that, it's alright," He said, the grip on your thigh becoming tighter. No, this was most definitely not okay. Due to the thin fabric of your school uniform skirt, you could feel his hand completely. You scrunched your eyebrows in disgust as you tried scooting backward. He got up though, towering over your shorter figure. You tried pulling away only for him to grip tighter.

"I didn't do anything" He stated firmly, grasping your wrist. He held your wrist tightly, not letting go. You cowered under him, still trying to pull yourself away.

"You don't want this?" He asked shamelessly. You shook your head rapidly, tears stinging in your eyes. He scoffed, roughly releasing your arm. You sighed, instantly getting as far away from him as possible, grabbing your backpack. You quickly shoved your remaining stationery in the first zip you found and threw your backpack over your shoulder, rushing out.

As you were about to leave though you heard him speak up again.

"Do not speak of this to anyone. I'm afraid I will have to fail you for this paper" He said trying to make you feel guilty. You couldn't care less though, without looking back, you nodded your head and left the class.

You cleared your throat as it had closed up. You realized you were crying in the middle of the hallway, so you quickly rushed to the toilet. Luckily, no one saw you, but you still wanted to get away, to freshen yourself up. You splashed water on your face trying to forget what happened in class a few minutes ago.

After that terrifying incident with your science teacher, the rest of the day was quite uneventful. You eventually got through your other subjects including music, and your presentation was a disaster. You weren't able to pay attention to what you were saying since your mind was still in different places. You stuttered your words and kept repeating the same thing.

Your peers realized you were distracted and your teacher knew you were bothered since your presentations were usually quite clear and informative. Thus, this time, they decided to let you off the hook. You were thankful that no one commented on that crappy presentation and simply went back to your seat.

Since you had music for the last period itself you were able to call it a day right after. You decided to skip your after-school commitment since you simply had too much on your mind.

After that shitty day, you decided to try to get your mind off of it by taking a walk in the green space near your apartment. You knew that it would mostly be empty right now as it was a weekday and because it was almost 4 pm, meaning it would most likely rain again.

You were still 5 minutes away from home, so you decided to walk home to the green space nearby. The entire walk there was quite silent. You took this time to try to process and understand the emotions you were feeling. It was getting fairly chilly due to the cold breeze, wind, and mist blowing. You folded both of your arms, rubbing them up and down, trying to get rid of the coldness.

The walk was quite short and you reached there in no time. Since the green area was right in front of your apartment, you could see your window from it. As soon as you reached, you saw your car leaving the apartment. Peeking around the corner, you realized it was your car. Your dad must have just left to go see your grandparents. You tried to hide a little, just in case. If your mom saw you here she would be disappointed that you lied to your dad about meeting your teacher after school.

You found a bench that faced away from your window just in case, so no one from your apartment could see your face. By the time, you found a good spot and settled and sat down, it was around 4:30 pm. You didn't really have a reason for coming to the park. You simply wanted to get your mind off of school, the workload, the stress, and what happened in the morning, so now that you were here, you didn't know what to do. Fortunately, tomorrow was slightly lighter. You didn't have any assessments due tomorrow, but you wanted to check in with your peers to ask them what you missed in the after-school session today and revise that before tomorrow.

Other than that though, you didn't know what to do. Due to this, you ended up spacing out. You simply sat on the bench rubbing your knees from the freezing wind from time to time just staring into the abyss. Quite honestly, it didn't feel forced, awkward or uncomfortable, it felt... calming. You felt a lot of comfort in the fact that you could just take time to process everything. Your way of doing that? Sitting out in the cold breeze, staring at nothing, mind blank. It didn't feel like a waste of time and you definitely didn't regret spending your time gazing at the nature.

Ever since you were young, you had a habit of counting the birds in trees or on the ground. Today was no different. Now that you were out in the nature, it made it easier to count them. You didn't do it for any particular reason, it was just a way of coping and de-stressing. You sat for a good 2 hours just observing everything around you and not doing anything. This included counting birds, staring into nothingness, daydreaming, and spacing out. You were suddenly interrupted by a honking car nearby.

You checked the time and realized it was 6 already. You freaked out and instantly got up, picking your bag. You didn't even realize it had started to drizzle and your sweater/school uniform started collecting water in the form of small droplets. You grabbed your bag, slinging it over your back, walking home, which was just a minute away, right opposite the park. You looked around making sure nobody saw you. Although you quite liked sitting out and simply doing nothing, you could understand how other people might have thought you were absolutely crazy for sitting out and doing nothing for 2 and a half hours.

You sighed looking around. You didn't want to go home just yet and didn't have anywhere else to go. The rain started getting a little heavier and you just gave up, looking up at the sky. Your clothes instantly clung to your figure and you shivered at the coldness.

You decided to take a walk around the nearby neighborhood since you didn't have anywhere else to go. This was actually quite rare. You usually never had the time to come outside and think about your life or reflect on anything as you were always cooped up in your bedroom doing work.

You huffed, rubbing your hands together. By now, your hair and clothes were drenched and your face was covered in water drops. You decided to visit the Mapo bridge to view the Han river from above. Ever since childhood, it was one of your favorite places as you were able to see the Han river below you, the Yeongdeungpo district to your left, and the Mapo district to your right. It had always been a calming sight.

It would take around 10-15 minutes to get there by car from your house but since you didn't really have access to a car right now, you had to walk. You knew it would take at least 45 minutes to get there but you still didn't care.

Unlike the two hours you spent at the park doing literally nothing, this felt different. You thought about the events happening in your life over the past few days, weeks, and months deciding to reflect on them during your journey.

You thought about your parents. How they always welcomed you with open arms while you often gave them the cold shoulder. You felt guilty that was for sure.

You thought about your friends. You had no close friends and the ones you had were slowly starting to drift away. You hadn't sat with them or even talked to them in over 2 weeks.

You thought about your studies. How you always stayed up late doing homework and taking notes while it never paid out. Instead, your crappy work just got you in more trouble.

You thought about the incident with your teacher today. How he touched you inappropriately and gripped your thigh. You shivered, pulling your skirt down slightly.

Unconsciously, tears had started to fall from your eyes. Luckily it was raining so nobody noticed anything too out of place. Despite this, you definitely got some weird stares. At first, the tears were silent. Your face was stoic while tears poured out of your eyes. Eventually though, recalling the painful memories and feelings was too much and your eyebrows furrowed. Your bottom lip trembled as you tried to contain your cries. It started off as light whimpers and occasional gasps.

You rubbed at your eyes and felt yourself losing control. Your cries got louder and you had to clasp a hand over your mouth. At this point, you didn't really care about anything else in the world and were overwhelmed by pain.

You threw your backpack onto some random chair god knows where, and continued walking. No without your backpack you felt freer, and both your hands flew to your face, as you walked in the cold rain.

Meanwhile, you had reached Mapo bridge and began to walk across the pedestrian section. Since it was raining, almost no one was on the bridge and you could finally let your emotions out freely. Your gasps got louder and you let out a strangled sob. Your hands flew to your face trying to cover it up, only for it to be followed by more cries.

As you walked to the middle of the bridge, stumbling across your steps not paying attention to what you were doing. You read the signs on the bridge.

"많이 힘들었구나" (It must be very hard)

"잘 지내지" (How are you)

"파란 하늘을 봐 봐" (Look at the blue sky)

They were mocking you. It was hard, you were not okay and nothing could make this pain better. Your eyes unconsciously closed your eyes and you let out a string of sobs. You choked on your tears, covering your face with your hands sobbing into them.

You rubbed at your eyes but nothing would stop this pain. You looked up at the Han river and thought for a moment. You looked down over the railing of the bridge and noticed the drop.

This was your chance. This was your chance to let go of all your pain and finally be free.

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Yunho was out with his friends. It was a rainy day and he had just gotten back from practice. On rainy days such as this one, he would often simply go on a drive with Hongjoong, Seonghwa, and Wooyoung. They were the three that enjoyed the rain and loved going on long drives. Their building was in Mapo but they decided to take a drive over to Yeongdeungpo since they had the rest of the day off.

The Mapo bridge was actually quite empty today. There weren't any cars or any people on the bridge. Since this was quite a rare occurrence, they decided to savor the moment and drive slowly enjoying their playlist while listening to the rain.

Wooyoung was driving while Seonghwa and Yunho were in the back, eating snacks and Hongjoong was picking a playlist. After popping a gummy bear in his mouth, Yunho decided to look outside and observe the Han river. All of a sudden though, around a hundred meters in front of their car near the left railing, a moving figure caught his eye. He was surprised that anyone would be out in the rain at this time. As they got slightly closer he realized they didn't have an umbrella either. As the car got even closer he realized that the figure was a girl. Your hair was drenched and so were your clothes. He stared at you weirdly wondering what on earth you were doing. You simply slid down the railing sitting on the floor, sobbing your eyes out and Yunho's eyes widened. He realized you were crying as your entire body was shaking with sobs and your hands were over your face.

He suddenly felt the urge to help and spoke up.

'Woo, slow the car for one second" He whispered softly and Wooyoung simply looked back and Yunho shrugging. He obliged and slowed down the speed of the car. Yunho continued to observe you. He didn't want to get out of the car since it was raining and he didn't have an umbrella but continued to watch you.

He watched the way your hands came up from your face and you gripped the roots of your hair. He watched how you tried to cover up your cries by cupping your hand over your mouth from time to time only for your to cry harder as your eyes squinted shut.

While they were driving past slowly, everyone was minding their own business while Yunho was still staring at you. Hongjoong had realized how Yunho was giggly before and then became silent all of a sudden and decided to check up on him. Hongjoong looked up at Yunho from the rear mirror, only to find his gaze locked on something outside. Hongjoong followed his gaze and found you as well. He saw that you were crying and stayed silent not knowing what to do.

Yunho was still looking at you and didn't notice how his leader was now also intrigued. He noticed how you roughly rubbed at your eyes getting up. He thought that you were done crying and that this was just a mini breakdown. Besides, everyone had bad days and maybe your way of letting it out was crying in the rain. Hongjoong averted his eyes as he saw you get up, giving you some privacy while Yunho kept his gaze locked on you.

He noticed how you were now facing the railing and looking out at the river. All of a sudden though, he saw you take off your shoes and a sudden wave of urgency washed over him.

"Stop the car!" He yelled at Wooyoung, while everyone in the car visibly flinched at his sudden voice, looking at him with concern. Wooyoung abruptly stopped the car, causing everyone to jerk slightly. The door immediately flew open and Yunho ran out of the car not caring whether his clothes got wet. Seonghwa had gasped and scooted to Yunho's side, peeking through, looking at what was going on.

Meanwhile, Yunho's intuition was correct. He knew something was wrong and the second you took off your shoes, he knew what you were trying to do. After you took off your shoes, you firmly grasped the railing of the bridge, hoisting yourself up, to sit on it. You looked around you, making sure no one was watching, although you didn't care at this point. Your mind was made up.

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You slowly scooted to the end of the railing, your hand tightly gripping the railing. You looked down, all that was below you was a 60-foot drop and lots of water. You sighed out shakily and looked back one last time. Your hands slowly let go and you breathed in a deep breath of air. You looked up at the sky and let out a wave of sobs before pushing yourself off the railing.

You expected to immediately feel the cold breeze hitting you as you fell over the bridge but you didn't. Instead, you felt a strong force pulling you backward.

The back of your head roughly collided with the concrete ground of the bridge and you let out a yelp. You looked around you processing your surroundings. You expected to be in the water by now, taking your final breaths. Instead, you were still back on the bridge and you fell back instead of forward.

You looked around suddenly, gripping the back of your head wanting to know who or what the fuck stopped you from doing so. Although you were mad you couldn't help but cry.

You sat up on the ground, knees close to your chest as you covered your hands and sobbed. You let out such painful cries, guttural noises, filled with pain. You cried, each cry letting out more sorrow than the last.

Little did you know, someone was scanning all your actions on the side, not knowing how to process the situation that just happened. He just witnessed someone who almost committed suicide.

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The second, he realized you took off your shoes, he knew that you were going to jump. It was a common occurrence, especially on this bridge. His intuition was proven correct when he saw you hoist yourself onto the railing. You were going to jump.

His body was moving on its own at that point and kicked the door open, rushing out as fast as possible. He didn't care about his clothes or his very expensive shoes, keeping only one goal in mind. As you scooted closer to the edge of the railing his heart stopped. He sprinted to the railing as fast as he could, almost slipping along the way. He roughly wrapped his big arms around your waist and he yanked you backward. He fell back onto the bridge and let go of your waist, catching his won fall, while you simply fell backward with force.

As you broke down in front of him, he felt a stinging in his heart. By now, Hongjoong and Seonghwa had also stepped out of the car with an umbrella, a little more cautious as they stood near the car itself, giving you a little space.

Yunho decided to slowly make a move to check up on you. He called out softly, but you didn't hear him.

"Excuse me?" He asked carefully, bottom lip caught in between his teeth from nervousness. You couldn't hear him over the rain and your sobs and frankly didn't care about anything else but the overwhelming pain in your heart.

He looked around nervously, before lifting a hand. He hesitantly brought it closer to you, doubting whether to touch you. He was wondering if you'd be comfortable, but he really wanted to help. He resorted to gently tapping your shoulder with his hands to alert you of his presence.

The second you felt his touch you immediately flinched, not noticing another person's presence. You looked up at him, before clasping your hand over your mouth. Although you knew that it was futile at this point, you still tried your best to cover up your sobs. You let out a string of sobs before squeezing your eyes shut and muttering apologies nonstop.

You kept stopping yourself with your cries but continued to whisper apologies. Yunho's eyes widened as he rapidly shook his head. Why on earth were you apologizing to him? As you looked up at him he noticed how strands of your wet hair clung to your face, your swollen and red eyes as well as your pink-tinted nose. He knew you must have been crying for a long time as your eyes reflected nothing but pain as they were completely bloodshot.

"Hey, hey, hey, I've got you" He whispered as he started patting your back. You nodded as you scooted closer. At this point, you didn't care how you were acting, simply trying to process what was happening. You pulled yourself together trying to get words out.

"May, I lean on you?" You softly whispered, voice breaking in the middle. Yunho hesitantly agreed, opening his arms up for you. You broke down again. You knew that you had been crying a lot that day, and maybe you were overreacting a bit, but in the heat of the moment, you simply couldn't stop.

You leaned into his warm chest taking in his musky scent that was slowly being washed away by the rain as he slowly crept a hand up to your back, rubbing it up and down.

"I'm here, I've got you, You're alright" He whispered into your hair. He knew you weren't in the right mind, but let you have your way just for now. You scrunched his now wet hoodie in your smaller fists as you tried to regain your composure.

You pulled away from a little embarrassed and looked away, knowing very well that he had already seen you, so there was no point. Yunho scooted further a little embarrassed too.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked softly and you shook your head, looking back up at him. You were surprised to see that his nose was slightly pink and his eyelashes were glistening in tears too. You felt guilty and apologized, a little embarrassed.

"I'm sorry for upsetting you," You said all of a sudden, and he shook his head rapidly.

"No, please don't apologize. I can't even begin to imagine the pain you must be in to want to take your own life." He whispered the last part, still not wanting to agitate you. You nodded and backed away. Yunho suddenly then realized the situation he was in, it was raining and the coldness was starting to get to him, he couldn't even imagine how much pain you must have been in to completely feel numb to it.

"It's raining and it's cold outside, do you want to sit inside our car, we have a heater" He interjected all of a sudden. You got nervous all of a sudden not knowing how to respond.

"I- I- can't-, I'm not sure" You stuttered your words and he noticed your discomfort, trying to divert the topic.

"Do you have anywhere else to go?" He asked looking at you sincerely and you shook your head. You couldn't go home like this. You averted your gaze while he tried to come up with a solution that you were comfortable with. All of a sudden though, you spoke up.

"Where are you going?" You asked and he tried to come up with a comforting answer real quick, one that would convince you to go with them.

"We are just heading to Yeongdeungpo, would you be interested in tagging along?" He asked sincerely. Your grandparents lived there, and you knew they would welcome you without asking questions, so you could go stay at theirs if you wanted to, so you nodded your head.

"Are you sure?" He confirmed with you and you nodded.

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It was safe to say the car ride there was anything but comfortable. You were in a car full of strangers wherein 2 of you were soaking wet.

"What on earth were you thinking?" One of them asked you all of a sudden, and you noticed the male who was with you earlier glared daggers back at them.

"I- um, I didn't- I'm not-" You kept fumbling over your words.

"She's not obligated to answer that." The man from earlier said sternly. You mumbled a thank you and continued to look outside. A few more minutes of silence passed as he tried to break the awkward silence.

"I never got your name by the way," He said all of a sudden, and without looking back you answered.

"Y/n," You said, cutting the conversation short. You weren't in the mood to talk. The other male nodded and introduced himself and the others.

"Well, I'm Yunho, this is Hongjoong, Seonghwa, and Wooyoung" He pointed at them but you didn't look at them, simply nodding, facing the other direction. Through the side mirror of the car, you noticed the boy in the front, the one that had slightly longer hair in the back, and was significantly shorter, glaring at Yunho. You assumed they were not comfortable introducing their identities just yet and you were okay with that.

Most of the car ride was quiet. You let out occasional sighs and whimpers due to the cold but there were no other comments or conversations.

Halfway through the ride though, the boy from earlier, the one who asked you what you were doing on the bridge, Seonghwa, spoke up again.

"Are you okay though?" He trailed off at the end. The other three boys looked at him with wide eyes, presumably glaring, telling him off, when you suddenly cut those thoughts off.

"I don't know" You answered sincerely. In all honestly, nobody had expected you to speak up, so when you did, they were all ears. You sighed before continuing.

"Everything is just so hard on me" You sighed out, as your voice broke at the end of the sentence. You decided that was enough or else you knew you wouldn't be able to stop if you said more. Although your answer was somewhat ambiguous, they didn't want to pressure you.

They all just nodded trying not to make it seem like a big issue. You noticed how Yunho sighed silently next to you before scooting closer to you. This didn't go unnoticed by you. His knees made contact with your fingers which were on either side of you, on the seat, and you looked back up at him questioningly.

"Are you sure you don't want to talk about it? I'm all ears, you don't have to worry about feeling vulnerable. In all honesty, it's best to let your feelings out. You seem like the type to bottle everything up, but you clearly have a lot on your mind, you can tell me if you're comfortable." He whispered sincerely, only of you to hear. You were still looking into his eyes, and unconsciously tears started welling up in your eyes again at the sincerity and care in his voice. You had never told anyone about your problems and this was your chance. A tear slipped down your cheek and you roughly wiped at it, scoffing softly.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what's gotten into me today" You let out a soft breathy laugh, but the both of you knew it was not funny. He looked at you sternly, faux anger on his face as he felt frustrated that you were treating yourself this way, frustrated that you were reducing yourself to an emotionless robot.

"Don't say that. Emotions are what make you human, you don't need to feel embarrassed." He said and you nodded, slowly scooting closer to him. He didn't mind. Although the proximity was making him a little nervous, he was trying his best to comfort you.

He decided to test the waters by putting his arm around you. He slowly and slyly snaked his arm behind your back, since you were leaning forwards and slowly made contact with the small of your back. When he noticed that you were comfortable with it, he tried putting a little pressure to pull you closer and you went with the flow. You leaned into him, with your head on his shoulder, as one of his arms was around you. You both needed the warmth anyways as you were freezing. It was silent for a bit before you decided to speak up.

"My science teacher molested me." You said breathily. His eyes widened as he tried pulling away from you. With this new bit of information, he realized that the close proximity of you two could be making you nervous. He wasn't able to pull away though since your back was flush against the back of the seat, and you didn't seem too uncomfortable so he decided to keep it there. He rubbed your back up and down urging you to continue.

"I don't- I'm not sure what I did wrong. I disproved the experiment instead of verifying it and he got mad." You paused and took in a shaky breath of air. At this point, your voice sounded pathetically weak and vulnerable but you knew only Yunho could hear you since you were whispering to him, so you had nothing to worry about. He just let out a hum into your hair as you continued.

"He called me to stay after class the discuss the paper and I stayed. I fucking stayed. I stayed despite knowing his sleazy ass would try to pull something on me. After all the students left he called me over to his desk..." You stopped yourself off as you felt your voice wavering. At this point, Yunho could feel his stomach doing flips just thinking about the situation you were in. The fact that it seemed like you were blaming yourself made him feel even worse. Nonetheless, you continued.

"He grabbed my knee and then my thigh and when I told him to let go, he didn't. He even had the audacity to ask me whether I wanted to go further. When I said no, he- he said I would fail. This is all my fault, what the fuck is wrong with me." You let out breathily into Yunho's wet hoodie. His heart broke when he heard you blaming yourself, you couldn't be further from the truth.

"Hey, please don't blame yourself. You have no reason to blame yourself, Y/n. You put your heart into that essay and he didn't like it because his narrow-minded brain couldn't accept new ideas. Furthermore, I'm sure he only used it as an excuse to hurt you. I'm sure your essay was great, and please don't blame yourself for him touching you. What he did was wrong and is all his fault." He paused finally, a little breathless from rambling. You nodded thinking he was done, only for him to continue speaking.

"I'm going to give you my number... Feel free to call me after today, I want to help you. I want to help you speak your side and arrest your science teacher for he did to you" You mumbled a soft okay as you leaned deeper into his embrace.

"I shouldn't feel like this" You suddenly said. Yunho had assumed the conversation was over when you told him about your science teacher but regardless he was ready to listen, no matter what it was.

"Why?" He asked sincerely, ready to scold you again for putting yourself down for having emotions.

"I have loving parents. I study at a good school. I usually get decent grades. I have 2-3 friends who I talk to sometimes. My family can afford the resources I need to feel content. Then why the fuck do I feel like this?" You asked more to yourself than Yunho and he knew this, but he had an answer.

"So?" He countered, waiting for a reaction from you but you had none.

"Even the most privileged people are not happy hun. Satisfaction and content come from within. You may have everything you need but still not feel satisfied with yourself. Is there anything about yourself that is bothering you?" He asked and you furrowed your eyebrows. What he was saying made a lot of sense...

"You- I-, I guess... I feel stressed all the time, and I'm not happy with the work I produce since I'm stressed and overwhelmed, but how did you know-"

"How do I know?" He interrupted you while you looked at him with wide eyes.

"Because I've felt the exact same way a few years ago." Now it was your turn to be shocked.

"I'm training to be an idol and I spent countless nights practicing my dancing and singing, but I never felt happy with my skills. I always thought I could get better, and that led to a sort of addiction. I stayed up late at our studio practicing and my sleep schedule was fucked up." You chuckled breathily at his word choice and how he let a curse word slip in. He noticed and smiled back down at you.

"When I finally understood and accepted the problem I got better. My mental health took a turn for the better and I was more proud of my accomplishments. Besides, I consider myself a decent singer now" He laughed at the end as you joined him.

"I'm proud of you for reaching your goal and bettering yourself," You said honestly as you patted his chest.

"I just hope I can fix myself one day too." You said honestly.

"I'm sure you will be able to. It takes time and perseverance, so please never give up. You're a beautiful, talented, and valuable person, never doubt yourself." He said and you nodded in his embrace.

That's where the conversation ended for now. The silence was not awkward at all. Instead, it was quite comforting as you had a lot to think about and process. Yunho's words definitely shifted the way you looked at life.

Yunho got a little more confident and trailed his arm upwards of your back and into your wet hair. He ran his hands through your wet hair as you scooted closer to him. He gently rubbed his hands across your scalp relaxing you. Despite him being a stranger, from the way he listened to you, saved your life, and comforted you, you knew he was someone you could trust.

Meanwhile, the boy in the front, Hongjoong looked through the rear mirror, looking at the position you and Yunho were in. He and Yunho suddenly made eye contact through the mirror, and Yunho got nervous, his eyes widening as he realized his leader had seen the position he was in, but that went away as he realized Hongjoong was smiling back at him with a soft smile across his face.

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Unknowingly, you had fallen asleep in Yunho's arms. When Hongjoong realized you fell asleep he patted Seonghwa's shoulder pointing to the two of you. You had fallen asleep on Yunho's shoulder, resting your head against it, while his head was on top of yours, also asleep. Seonghwa almost squealed when he saw the position you were in. They exchanged a few knowing looks before you finally arrived at your stop.

Yunho woke up before you and you were awoken by a messy-haired, still sleepy but smiley Yunho, ushering you to go outside. You got up, rubbing at your eyes as you looked around. You realized you were still in the car with all of the boys looking at you. You got embarrassed and quickly fixed yourself before shooting a confused look at Yunho. Suddenly, the man driving, Wooyoung, spoke up.

"I dare you and Yunho to go to 7/11 to get us snackssss" He playfully said and you smiled.

"Don't forget to get yourself a new pair of clothes too, you're soaking wet and probably cold. Although, I don't think that was much of a problem considering you were practically on top of eachoth- OOF" Seonghwa was cut off but Yunho roughly shoving his side. For the first time in the past week, you let out a genuine laugh and all the boys turned to look at you, as you bent over in laughter. Their eyes widened and Yunho swore it was the most melodious sound he had ever heard.

Feeling empowered and having a new perspective on life, you decided to go with the flow. Besides, you were given a second chance at life, you weren't going to waste it, moping around. You decided to make a change, and that change started today.

"Well big boy, are you coming with me or not?"

#yunho #yunho oneshot #yunho fanfic #hongjoong #seonghwa #yeosang #san #mingi #wooyoung #jongho #ateez #ateez oneshot #ateez fanfic #ateez ff #yunho ff #ateez angst #yunho angst #yunho fluff #ateez fluff #depression #suicide #fanfic

[armin-ocean-eyes]

Lions and tigers and bears, Oh my!

A sachiro harugami short (somewhat self insert) blurb

This is honestly probably bad and there are probably spelling errors

3/14/22

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As I got my german shepard dog, Andrea into the car to drive to the vet, I double check to make sure I have everything before I go. While pulling into the vet, I wasn't that nervous. It was most likely a case of kennel cough then anything very serious.

Waiting for your name, or your pets name to be called at the vets is like waiting at the doctor's office. You arrive on time or even some minutes earlier then needed and you still end up waiting for at least 15 minutes. But as a veterinarian myself I can't complain, I know how busy they are. Or at least I can imagine how busy they are.

As I was waiting for our names to be called the other people waiting for the vet would gasp about how well behave my dog was. Sitting right next to me and waiting. It made me happy knowing my hard work of training Andrea payed off. It's not as if there dogs were untrained or not behaving well but knowing they thought my dog was very well behaved made me happy. Finally my and Lucario's name was called by the nurse behind the desk. "Please follow me" she said as she led me to a room down the hall, "the doctor will be with you shortly". I nodded and gave a shy thank you.

The doctor walked into the room. And I couldn't help but notice how very tall and handsome he was. But I quickly shook those thoughts from my head.

"Hello im Doctor Sachiro Hirugami, and this must be your dog Andrea. What are some symptoms you notice in Andrea to have brought him into the vet?"

"My names (y/n) and I think it's just a case of infectious tracheobronchitis or kennel cough. Obviously you would need to double check but all the symptoms are there"

"Your obviously either very well informed on animal illnesses or you googled that, but don't worry it's my job to tell you what's wrong with your dog" he gave a charming smile. All though im very shy around new people he made me feel comfortable and not that nervous.

"Actually I myself am a veterinarian". This obviously sparked an interest in him

"If your a vet yourself, if you don't mind me asking why didn't you take Andrea to the vet clinic you work at? Clinics vets work at usually give them a discount on their own pets. And as a veterinarian you know how insane vet bills are"

"Well you see im more of a lions and tigers and bears, oh my! Type of vet instead of a dog and cat type of vet. But I still now quite a bit about illnesses in pets to know that Andrea probably has kennel cough"

"Really a wild life veterinarian? That's amazing" he had this look of wonder in his eyes that I couldn't help but give a shy smile to. "Mmm what's it like being so short getting to treat massive animals?" His tone was playful that I couldn't help but let out a giggle at that. Jokes about my height never really bothered me, especially ones that are playful. "How about this I treat Andrea and I'll give you a call on when he's ready to come home-" before he could finished his sentence I interrupted him "well I sure hope you treat him, that is your job after all" he gave a laugh to that

"As I was saying I'll call home when he's ready to come home after we do a feel tests to see if it really is kennel cough then I prescribe him some medicine. Not only that we set up a time when we can meet, have lunch together and discus you being a wildlife veterinarian. Because I am very interested in that and you" he said this with such a flirty tone I couldn't help but blush. How could I possible say no to such a handsome veterinarian.

"I would like that very much Doctor. Sachiro Hirugami. While we're at lunch together I'll answer your question about my short height next to giant animals" my voice was soft but playful. I got up as I handed him the dog leash for him to take Andrea to do some tests over night.

"Don't worry we'll take great care of Andrea, ms or should I say doctor.... (Y/n),I can't wait to see you again" he once again had that charming smile on his face. He walked me out the room we were talking in. He waved goodbye to me while holding Andrea's leash. He has a dream like look on his face. And I couldn't help but have a blush on my face.

I couldn't wait to get that call. Not only to know whats wrong with andrea but to also plan that lunch date and hear Hirugami's voice again.

I wonder how my dog feels about me going on a date with his doctor?

Later that night Hirugami texted kageyama all through not really friends they are acquitted through hoshiumi

Hirugami-"kageyama I know we're not really friends but I need to ask you something. How do you flirt with someone who is short?"

Kageyama-"what?"

#haikyuu #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu x you #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x gender neutral reader #hirugami sachirou #hirugami sachiro x reader #timeskip haikyuu #haikyuu time skip #hq x y/n #hq x gender neutral reader #hq x reader #hq oikawa #hq kenma

[amyscascadingtabs]

don’t want to keep secrets just to keep you [chapter 2]

CHAPTER TWO: see me in hindsight, tangled up with you all night

excerpt below, read whole thing on ao3

Amy doesn't return to the office until after she's spent a good hour at home. First, she showers, washing off yesterday's old makeup and grime and letting the warm water run over her shoulders as she lets the sweet scent of raspberry shower gel replace the vague smell of old beer and sweat. Her back is sore; probably thanks to Jake's lumpy mattress, she thinks, and wonders for a second if she should add buy new mattress to the contract before deciding it’s far too much. That's relationship stuff, and that's point one of the contract; that's not what this is.

She blow-dries her hair and replaces her makeup, taking extra care to try and cover a pink mark that sits just a little too high on her chest before giving up and picking a different shirt instead. Then she fills the biggest coffee cup she has, eats a buttered slice of toast standing up, and feeds her pet fish before rushing back out the door.

She probably looks fresher than most days once she's done, but she's still worried Gina can sense something from her secretary desk as Amy walks in. She raises a brow in greeting like she's actually interested, which is rare in itself, and Amy can feel her eyes on her as she walks into her own office and closes the door behind her.

Amy starts regretting her decision as soon as she's opened a new document. What is she even supposed to name it? Friends with benefits contract is too obvious. FWB-C sounds like code for something. Sex agreement makes her sound like someone who’s read Fifty Shades Of Grey too many times (which really is just once). Jake and Amy is a wedding invitation, Rules too general. She puts her head in her hands, staring at the blinking line, and groans. Then she writes in Jake, looks at that for a moment, and adds stuff after. Not her proudest, but it'll have to do.

Amy’s relieved she doesn't have much work to do today, because she spends every free minute she can come across tweaking details on the document, adding and removing sections to suggest. When she's finally happy with the result, she saves it in a personal folder she can be sure no one’s ever going to open, and praises the office-gods for the fact that she has her own printer.

~

There’s a faint smell of artificial lemon in the air of Jake’s apartment as he welcomes her in, and the thought that he might have cleaned for her makes Amy blush. It seems unlike him, but the living room area does appear less cluttered to her than it did this morning, so maybe he isn’t totally incapable of it. She still doesn’t want to check his cabinets.

“You cleaned,” she says instead, nodding to the couch that looks almost neat now. “You expecting to get lucky tonight, or something?” Jake’s cheeks turn an adorable shade of pink, but then he shakes his head and points to her outfit. “You’re one to speak.”

All Amy’s done is put on a maroon floral blouse with lower cleavage than she’d ever do for work and put on a touch of pink lipstick, but he’s not completely wrong. She still chooses to ignore him. “I’ve got the contract. Should we do this, then?”

He offers her an orange soda, which she declines, but accepts a mug of Earl Grey tea from a package that seems to have remained unopened since before the brand last changed its design. A hot drink might calm her nerves, she hopes, but it ends up being quite the distracting experience to watch him make it for her. She tries to read through the contract one last time while searching for spelling errors she knows aren't there, her eyes keep being drawn to his hands as he holds the label of the teabag between his thumb and index finger, bobbing the bag a few times with focus once he's finished pouring the water into a New York Knicks mug. It's hard not to think about how those fingers felt dancing across her skin yesterday, massaging the sides of her breasts and holding on to her inner thighs, and it's harder not to imagine what they'd feel like another time –

“Tea,” he interrupts her thoughts by placing the mug in front of her. “Thought maybe you wanted a cup that didn’t say NYPD on it.”

“Well, you're right in that.” She brings it to her lips, almost burning her tongue and hoping he didn't see. “You want to read it on your own, or should I read it to you?”

Jake sits back in the massage chair closest to her, spreading his legs and putting his palms on them before shooting her that disarming smile again. “You read it.”

Amy swallows hard. “Okay. Section one: relationship status. This arrangement only works if we're both single. We’re not bringing more people into this.”

“What about an open relationship?”

“No. Still complicated. This is complicated enough with just us. If either of us gets in an actual relationship, it's over.”

Jake nods. “Cool. Next rule?”

“Section two: appropriate behavior. We're not dating,” she says, pointing first at herself and then at him with the ballpoint pen she brought from work. “So we can't behave like we're dating. Outside of our apartments, we're strictly friends. Or acquaintances. Honestly, it's weird we're even friends.”

“But you admitted we're friends.”

“Sure.” She takes another sip of the tea. “But that means no public flirting, no inappropriate comments, no like, commenting heart or fire emojis on Instagram pictures –”

“Are these rules for you or for me?” Jake winks. “I know my selfies are stunning, but I’m sure you can control yourself.”

“For both of us. Section three: we part in the morning. No exceptions. Staying overnight is okay, but once we wake up, we’re done.”

“What counts as morning in this scenario? I’m not going to have to get up at six a.m., am I?”

“Not unless you stay at my place when I have work.”

“I’ll remember not to do that, then.”

“Great. Section four – protection.”

“You have an entire section on that?” Jake looks like he’s trying not to laugh.

“It’s important!” She exclaims, feeling herself getting defensive. “I have an implant, so we’re safe from pregnancy, but it’s either condoms or you need to get checked.”

Jake nearly spits out some of his orange soda, coughing slightly. “You must be fun at parties.”

“I’m actually a nationally accredited and registered chaperone.”

“What is that?”

“Doesn’t matter. Are you going to do it or not?”

“Fine. You, then?”

“I will if you want me to.” Amy shrugs. “But I haven’t slept with anyone since my ex, so we should be good.”

Jake’s eyebrows fly up. “Really?”

“That so surprising to you?”

“A little? In the least jerk-ish way possible, you must get, well… offers.”

“People don’t flirt a whole lot with their lawyers,” she says, shifting in her chair and crossing her legs. “And it hasn’t been my focus. Are we good with the contract?”

“Actually, I want to add one more rule.”

“Yeah?”

Jake leans back in his chair, crossing his arms behind his head and flexing his biceps through the green shirt with a smug grin. “You’re not allowed to fall in love with me.”

Amy looks at him for a moment, trying to determine whether or not he’s joking, but he doesn’t waver, so she leans forward and draws a fifth section sign on the blank space left on the document. No developing feelings or this ends, she prints out in capital letters, signing her name on the allotted line.

“Won’t be a problem.”

Jake signs the contract, and Amy tries not to grimace at how messy his signature is as she places the document in a thin plastic folder, promising him a copy tomorrow.

“Cool,” Jake nods. He’s messing up his curls with his right hand again, the way she’s noticed he does when he’s trying to flirt. She wonders if it’s strategy or nerves. “So, are you doing anything else tonight, or...”

“What, contract signing’s got you all hot and bothered?”

“I mean, seeing you in full lawyer mode. It’s not, not hot.”

“Double negation?” Amy scrunches her nose. “Oh, you’re going to have to make that one up to me.”

“Maybe I will,” he says, and she needs only to notice the way his eyes darken to know that it’s on.

Amy can feel her legs still shaking a little as she hails a cab outside Jake's apartment just after, and she closes her eyes in the backseat and wonders how it's possible to feel this amazing, this satisfied from a cocktail of what she knows is mostly dopamine and oxytocin. It still makes her feel all giggly, like she can't stop smiling to herself.

Her phone vibrates in her pocket, and she picks it up to read a text from Jake.

Fucking hell that was SO GOOD.

Maybe this friends with benefits thing won't be so bad after all.

~

#my writing #b99 #peraltiago #jake x amy #b99 fic #b99 fanfiction #peraltiago fanfiction #there haha hope you enjoy :)

[ilovejevsjeans]

HOW DANIEL RICCIARDO STARTED MY JOURNALISM CAREER

For a longtime fan of any sport, meeting one of the athletes that they are forever looking up to can be a lifelong memory. We spend our weeks working and saving our money to see these people in person and what they do, while our weekends off are occupied by following their every move on television and social media. Formula 1 is no different, but when I managed to meet a person I dearly admire in the sport, it was an experience that would change my life, for the absolute better.

In case we haven't met yet, my name is Coilin and I am from Ireland. When I finished school at seventeen, I felt at a dead end. My friends all went off to college and university to new beginnings while I felt so lost in figuring out what I wanted to do, I was sort of left behind. I took up a job in the local furniture factory where I still am today, and despite being forever grateful to hold that job, I always aspired to be more.

In 2018, I and a mate from work took a trip to Barcelona for the Spanish Grand Prix. For a person who only left Ireland once before for the previous year's British Grand Prix at Silverstone, I was both nervous and very excited to experience a new country and knew I would instantly feel at home once I got within the confines of the Circuit de Catalunya.

The following morning was a Friday, and I set off into the city to find the bus station for the bus to the circuit. My mate fancied a few more hours in bed with the intention of meeting up later so I headed out alone, not afraid by the unfamiliar streets and customs.

Barcelona is like pretty much any other city, a main road in the middle with smaller streets surrounding it. When I got to this main street, my google maps suggested crossing the six-lane wide street, which obviously I couldn't do. Walking down the street in an attempt to find a crossing, I spotted a dark blue Aston Martin DB11 in the traffic beside me. I didn't really stop to look until I noticed the decal on the side of the car. 'Aston Martin Red Bull Racing' and the all too familiar figure waving at me out the window. Surely not...

It was Daniel Ricciardo on his way to the circuit with his trainer Michael Italiano, who had noticed I was wearing his Red Bull cap. I took a breath, knocked off the google maps app on my phone and chanced my luck. The moment I approached the car he let down his window and greeted me with that familiar accent. He then comically told me he didn't like my Ferrari shirt and I was to change it when I got to the circuit. A solemn remark to the rumours of a move to Ferrari at the time. I couldn't believe it.

I asked for permission for a picture to take a picture at which the traffic light went green. Michael, who was driving went to take off when both of them noticed my instant disappointment. Daniel then insisted to wait and took my phone from me in order to get a proper picture of us together. I was in shock, they took off and it was over. I honestly could not believe what just happened.

Long story short, we returned home after a great weekend the following Monday and I couldn't stop talking about the encounter, or how good Dan was to me. I spread it all on social media, told anyone I could, everything. That's when I encountered Drivetribe, and decided, without trying to gloat, to share this amazing story.

I didn't think much of the article, and it was full of your typical spelling and punctuation errors, but did it take off. Soon, the article was full of comments both praising my work and sharing their own amazing stories of encountering Daniel, each as special and unique as the next.

Thanks to that first article, motorsport journalist Rob Burnett, who was head of the F1 tribe on Drivetribe at the time, got in touch and suggested I continued article writing as he felt I had a real promise for it. Then, it all hit me. My favourite subject at school was English, writing stories and essays, and I never had anywhere or anyone to properly share my love of F1 or motorsport, why not fuse the two together and give this a proper shot?

Three years to the day, I am now studying to become qualified in freelance journalism, met and interviewed the likes of David Coulthard and Nicky Grist on behalf of Drivetribe, as well as write for a number of different news sites and agencies. I have yet a long way to go, but I know what I want and for one of the only times in my life, I've got a proper end goal to work towards, to become a proper motorsport journalist in the future.

It was all thanks to Daniel's kindness that day, that simple encounter changed my life for the better and gave me a purpose and something to work for. Part of my ambition is to someday meet Daniel again in better circumstances, and explain just what he did for me that day. I owe it to him to say thank you.

For now, I will continue to work hard and not stop reaching my end goal. I adore this sport above anything else, and I am determined to work hard and make it someday. It's something I never thought I would be interested in, but thanks to that simple five minutes of decency and the effort to spend time with a starstruck fan, Daniel put somebody who felt a little lost in life on a road of pure determination and desire to chase a career I didn't think was possible. Thanks Dan. (X)

#daniel ricciardo #dan #love this

[mysticdragon3md3]

I find it endlessly amusing how after 10 years, my OTPs have circled back onto the same type. lol

I realize the Blue Lions have Dedue, and Ashe used to be a commoner. But Ashe got adopted into a higher class. Meanwhile, the Golden Deer has 3 commoners who stay commoners.

And Yukimura probably had commoners serving under him, but Sengoku Basara (2009) takes a lot of time to emphasize that Masamune's commoner associates are named, get screentime, voice his effect on them, and spent time closely serving under him. Meanwhile, Yukimura's only named subordinates seem to also be lords or ninja, more than basic commoners.

When referring to "self-doubt & a phase of failing as a commander", I'm specifally referring to Sengoku Basara (2009) season 2 for Yukimura. That's pretty much most of what he does that season. And he made a critical decision error as a commander that got one of his major subordinates killed and probably also unnecessarily killed some of his other soldiers. Though I am vaguely aware that in one of the videogames, Yukimura similary spent most of the story in self-doubt, after thinking Takeda was dying, and I think he ran his army around doing actions without enough thought.

And of course, with Dimitri, I'm referring to his post-time-skip phase wherein he went full "boar" and refused to properly lead his army. Though after regaining more mental stability and becoming a proper general, he still gets haunted by self-doubts for the rest of his life.

When I spell "Strength" with a capital "S", I'm usually shortening my term "True Strength" and referring to both a mental and emotional fortitude, resilience, and frequently an iron resolve in Compassion. That's just my personal philosophy in defining "True Strength". Personally, I see 2 definitions of "strength" that both converge at Compassion, to define "True Strength". 1) In an amoral sense, strength is resilience in maintaining one's own "soul pattern"/emotions/resolve, without being swayed or influenced by outside forces to change. 2) In terms of defining strength as the ability to do what is most difficult, in my opinion, Compassion is the most difficult. Not only do acts of Compassion often cost a range of efforts from some to exorbitant, but it can also require the enacter to put themselves into a vulnerable position. So it is often something only the strong can afford, or survive, or disregard fears of being vulnerable or taken advantage of. Therefore, in my personal opinion, converging the 2 definitions into an unwavering resolve in Compassion, is my personal definition of "True Strength".

So when I categorize Date Masamune as having Strength, I mean he is unwavering in his resolve towards Compassion. Sengoku Basara 2009 takes a lot of instances to reiterate that Masamune cannot be swayed, his Resolve is unquestioning, no one can stop him, slow him, or change his mind. His catch phase is "pressing onward" (translated as "full speed ahead"). One of his first scenes is charging ahead, disregarding Katakura's warnings for caution. (Notice that in Judge End, this is framed as foolish brashness, but in Sengoku Basara 2009, Katakura smiles and continues following without worry, because he completely trusts Masamune's instincts and decision-making. Because everyone trusts Masamune 2009 to always make decisions based in the best ideals/Compassion.) This is reiterated throughout season 2, when Masamune makes allies and each of them ask him to change directions, but the most they can do is temporarily slow him down, because he doesn't stop moving forward. This Strength directed in outward Compassion towards others is almost unexpected after considering Masamune's historical backstory. One would think that someone betrayed by his mother would become disillusioned and spiteful towards the world. It's a basic supervillain backstory to be betrayed by a trusted figure, especially during fundamental development. But instead, Masamune seems to want only to protect others and bring the whole country under his command, so that the whole country of people can be under his umbrella of protection. The 2009 series only mentions his regret from one of his early battles where lots of his soldiers died, being his major motivation in protecting others, specifically his soldiers. But I've headcanon'ed a lot that can be extrapolated from his historical backstory, that when in conjunction to his actions in Sengoku Basara 2009, portrays a Masamune who has dedicated himself towards Compassion, despite his tragic backstory.

Similarly, Claude's backstory is tragic, yet he emerges with True Strength. I've heard criticisms within the fandom that Claude growing up experiencing so much bullying and discrimination against his being biracial, could not believably yield a person dedicated towards Compassion. But I think that's just brainwashing from too many supervillain tropes telling us that traumatized and mentally ill people invariably become villains. I've heard it's more realistic that people who have experienced trauma, tragedy, or some kind of pain, actually are more likely to increase their ability to empathize/sympathize with others, consequently becoming more compassionate. (Mentioned in https://youtu.be/bHe2seINnE0 at 2:03/9:09; https://youtu.be/zaZYDK1RcEU) Claude experienced descrimination and bullying; he explicitly explains in FE3H canon that he wants to create a world where no one else has to experience that same pain. I really don't see why this can be an unbelievable characterization to some people, when most of the world admires Batman for literally that same reason. And I think that characters, like Claude, who react to trauma and hardship with altruism, demonstrate a True Strength in their characters. They haven't been broken by their trauma. They not only survive, but survive as people who still want to care for others. (Also why I love Natsume Takashi.)

I was tempted to include Dimitri in the category of "Emerged from tragic backstory with Strength and vowing to make world where no one will experience same pain". But he didn't emerge with the same level of flawless Strength that Masamune and Claude did. Dimitri certainly did resolve to protect others from ever experiencing the pain that he felt, after the Tragedy of Duscur. But he was also not as mentally stable. He was so repressed and internally conflicted (concerning his feelings of vengence, or sadness that didn't know how to be expressed as anything but anger, lest he break), that he didn't integrate his "boar" impulses/emotions until much later in his post-time-skip. I didn't feel that Dimitri was a fully reconcilled version of himself, until after he had accepted his "boar" emotions, stopped repressing his unresolved anger, and learned to express them more appropriately or at more appropriate times. After he became more mentally/emotionally stable, I have no doubt that he still can have episodes of rage, anti-social moods, or crippling survivor's guilt, but I think he no longer allows those feelings/episodes to push away the people he cares about or disregard his true personal desires to be kind/protective towards others. He knows how to deal with those feelings now. But he spent a long time not yet at that stable level, until much later. Until then, he was frankly wavering, conflicting with his personal resolve, denying his own ideals, and allowing his survivor's guilt manifesting as ghosts to sway him away from his true desires/motivations/values of Compassion. Dimitri was Weak for a time. So I can't say that he was in the same category of Strength as Masamune and Claude.

Dimitri's backstory of his father's death and idolizing Rodrigue, after he took him in, is information he canonically tells the player.

But I realize that Sengoku Basara 2009 never actually mentions a backstory like this for Yukimura. I'm actually referencing the takarazuka version of Sengoku Basara. In that play, they include a childhood backstory scene, where Yukimura's father was a subordinate of Takeda and died while protecting him. Young Yukimura blamed Takeda for his father's death and went to punch him out. Because Takeda understood that Yukimura needed catharsis and was trying to reconcile with his grief, Takeda allowed himself to be punched. But he also punched back. I think maybe to encourage Yukimura to keep going? I can't remember. But eventually, Yukimura punched out all his anger and only had energy left to finally cry, and Takeda said something that comforted him. From then on, he called Takeda "Oyakata-sama" and became completely devoted to him. This explained the origin of the running gag from the 2009 anime, wherein Takeda and Yukimura engage in fist fights as a form a bonding. (It's a shame that the video of these scenes was taken off YouTube. ;_; ) I don't know if "Sengoku Basara Sanada Yukimura-den" mentions how Yukimura's father dies, since he finally appeared in that game. So I'm referencing the takarazuka version.

There isn't really mention of Masamune's mother in the 2009 Sengoku Basara anime. The closest, was Masamune's maternal uncle appearing in the movie "The Last Party" that ended that anime series. But historically, after the real life Date Masamune survived smallpox at a young age, and lost sight in his right eye, there was a lot of dissent among the other high ranking people within his clan, concerning his continued position as the Date clan's head. A lot of this dissent was lead by his mother, who insisted that Masamune's younger brother should become the new clan leader instead. Some accounts say that to shut up accusations that Masamune was weak and that his faulty eye was just an advertised weakness that enemies would take advantage of on the battlefield, Masamune either pulled out his own right eye or ordered Katakura to do it. Apparently, that shut up everyone except his mother, who still continued to try undermining his position. I don't know if there was one instance of several, but she also tried to kill him through poisoning, to replace him with his brother. Because of this, Masamune's only choice was to kill his own little brother, which forced his mother to run back to her original clan. (I can only assume that Masamune didn't just kill his mother, because it's possible she indoctrinated his brother to ursurp him. So Masamune might have ended up eventually needing to kill his brother anyway.) Lots of us in the Sengoku Basara fandom like to headcanon that all of this happened for the Basara version of Masamune too.

It's my understanding that Cornelia implicated Dimitri's stepmother in the murder of his father and friends at the Tragedy of Duscur, but that things were still left canonically vague. Personally, the fact that Patricia was always kind to Dimitri, combined with the fact that Cornelia is proven duplicitous, I find it difficult to believe that Patricia intentionally betrayed Dimitri. The way Cornelia described it, she offered Patricia a chance to be reunited with her daughter Edelgard, Patricia confirmed that desire, then the Tragedy of Duscur happened. Given that Cornelia was already doing terrible things behind Patricia's back, like experimenting on Hapi, and Patricia being angry at Cornelia when she discovered Hapi, I doubt that Cornelia would have been fully truthful with Patricia. I imagine Cornelia tricked Patricia into opening a path or lowering some defenses to "allow a clandestine meeting with Edelgard", but then Cornelia would probably use it to sneak in enemies to kill Dimitri's father and friends. That's my headcanon theory on the Tragedy of Duscur anyway. So Dimitri was only *possibly* betrayed by his mother figure.

And that's my comparison between DateSana and DimiClaude/DMCL/ClauDimi. It continuously amazes me how similar these ships are and how my shipping has come full circle. lol

#datesana #dmcl #dimiclaude #claudimi #claumitri #otp #OTPs #comparison #relationship dynamics #amusing #random thoughts #shipping #fandom #sengoku basara #fe3h #my otps #rambling #character analysis #canon characterization #headcanons

[scoups4lyfe]

Hello I am translation anon(which is kinda of funny since i didn't translated anything but thanks for the nickname) and I had a small theory(i think you can call that?) where Tamaki(or maybe Aguillera in future episodes) started working at the bathhouse and end up enjoying working there. So in the end of the series Tamaki or Aguillera were to take care of the bathhouse(not necessarily inheriting just taking care for the igarashi parents) while Ikki would be able to take care of himself and follow his dream of playing soccer. (sorry for the bad grammar and the confusing post you don't need to answer and my english is pretty bad).

YOOO???

AYEEE????

Aguilera and Tamaki bath house babysitters so Ikki can live his life..... aiiiiiaiiaiaiaiii

I'd loooove that bro,, but also my, G

Ikki has such a long way to go before he'd be able to accept that :'))

My guy really tied all of his self-worth to how well he can take care of his family ,,,,,:'0

So if they took over and everyone was like 'Okay, bYEEE' I think he'd have a mental breakdown. (At least where he's at currently) I know I put this in my analysis posts starting HERE ; but since Ikki's a 'parentified child' he's learned to suppress his own identity in order to be the main pillar of support for his family, all the while thinking

"maybe if I silence myself, maybe if I put myself last, they'll notice all of me and love me as I am"

but that never happened (hoochow) and since Ikki's role in the family (Filling in for the absentee-father spot; yeah the dad isn't 'absent' but no one really puts him in the 'father position'....lol)

So Ikki as of rn would have a high likelihood (if he wasn't needed at the bathhouse anymore lol) to see this as abandonment -- and I would not doubt in my mind that the next place he'd search for companionship, comfort, 'home' would probably be a toxic relationship where he's back in his caregiving role :')))

and WHATTT???? bruhhh your english is fine, yo

ngl wouldn't have even known you weren't a native speaker until I read your last sentence about it being a confusing post hahahaha. I didn't see anything weird or wrong grammar wise? But also its like 4am and I'm like -7 braincells rn so idk english all blurs together after a certain point

(forgive any spelling errors or sentences that don't make a LICK of sense. my sleep-drived mind literally doesn't see sh#t and I don't proofread lmaOOO)

BUT ALSOOOOOO---

Dawg, english fluency (imo) is a myth. Americans (idk about the other English speaking homies lol) can literally say whatever they want no matter how grammatically incorrect or nonsensical--

but if its said with the confidence of a King, ppl are just like 'yeah, that tracks'

I kno cause I type nonsense every day. I also speak nonsense. And honestly its a miracle anyone understands me lmaooo. Kinda like how with French (not that I'm fluent in French in anything <33)

I forgot how to say "what" (lmao pourquoi) in french, so instead when my friend asked me something I responded with

"Quand"

But I said it dead-serious, and we laughed for like 15 minutes about it right after LOL

Anyways Translation-anon, unless its hieroglyphs I'll read and respond to the posts :33.

I worked at an ESL center for a bit during college, so you wouldn't bELIEVE how manY fcvKING engLIsH paPErS I had to help edit

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

#long reply lmao #i gotta shorten some of thsese up or something #its getting like #reallll late #can't goof around too much #im already sleep deprived #lMAOOO #kronthescoup #kamen rider revice #my thougts #kr revice #revice #watching revice #ikki why is ur demon so cringe #kamen rider #revice spoilers #translation anon #asks #inbetween baths #bath 23 #also yeah my g #you WOULD call that a theory hahaha #anyways I LOVE the idea of Aguilera and Tamaki #just being adopted into the Igarashi family #that would be so good #cause they really do need like #actual friends and family #lOL

[screesflanagan]

My New Boss Part 3

Author note: So, first of all, I wanted to say I'm doing this because I want to learn my spelling, because English is not my mother language and because I enjoy it. If you find any spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. Please kindly inform me about them, I would be happy. Thank you and now have fun reading! :)

Inspired by: the series: what's wrong with secretary Kim (I haven't taken over everything, just a little. The rest consists of my ideas.)

GIF: My own

Maybe I will fell in love

Again the same thing in the morning I get ready but this time one thing was different. Somebody rang my doorbell. I opened it and saw my boss

"What are you doing here?"

I say and he says

"Good mornin to ya too. Did ya see tha plan? We're going to a meeting today"

I remember that I should do this but I fell asleep on the couch.

"That's right, sorry. I didn't even have breakfast."

I say and he says fast.

"perfect me either. Then let's have breakfast first and I'll pay."

"No"

I say immediately. He comes closer and was very close to my face

"Ya have no right to say no." He winks at me and walks to his car.

We drove to a very nice restaurant and had breakfast together.

People looked at us and he says

"I'm not wearing a suit. So just ignore them" I look at him and he says

"They'll probably only look at ya because ya look so bonnie" and continue to eat without looking at me.

He notices that I'm quiet so he says

"If they ask just say I'm yer friend."

I say

"Friend? Do you mean like a relationship"

He says

"No, I was thinking of a normal friend but if yer want ya can say tha too, they'll leave yer alone"

I laughed because he was so cute when I ate a boy came over and said

"Hey, I saw you and you look really nice, I wanted to ask if I could get your number"

I look at Ethan and he stopped eating and stared at the table. I look at the boy and say

"No, I'm sorry."

He then says

"Come on please"

I say again

"No"

He says

"Please" but then Ethan suddenly stands up and stands in front of him

"If she says no it means no"

Ethan was taller than the young man and he gave him an angry look.

"Don't concern yourself with what she wants"

Ethan pushes him backward and walks in front of his face.

"I'm her friend and now fuck off or I beat tha shite out of ya."

The boy realizes how angry he was and says

"OK. ok..sorry."

Ethan sits down as he walked away and says

"If a woman says no, it means no, why do they don’t fucking understand tha!?"

I look at him and say

"Thank you"

he says

"Ya welcome Darlin"

and drinks his glass of water empty.

We got back into the car and we didn't talk the whole drive. I was in my mind when I saw how he suddenly comes close to me. I freeze and try not to push him away. He just undid my seat belt.

We got out and walked into his office when he suddenly turned around and fell on the floor and held his chest tightly. I kneel immediately and realize that he has a panic attack.

"Hey hey look at me!"

I say but it doesn't help. I run out and shout for help. Someone runs in with me quickly, the person runs to his desk while I touch his shoulder and say

"The boy in the restaurant wrote to me on Instagram"

he immediately stops breathing quickly and looks up at me. His whole forehead was sweaty and I saw the fear in his eyes.

"What are ya saying"

he says softly and I say

"Yes. He found me I think he's stalking me"

our faces were so close that we could kiss. He sat on his ass and says softly

"Tha arshole"

I notice he was getting mad again so I went to him and held his shoulder

"This is made up so that your panic attack goes away. He did not write to me, everything is fine"

He looks at me and breathes and says

"Ya smart girl"

He tries to stand up and I help him.

I took him to the couch and sat him down. The girl came up to me saying softly

"You put cable ties on his table and that's exactly what he was afraid of. He and I forgot to tell you but he hates cable ties about everything.

I wondered why and then I just said

"Oh, okay, don't happen again, I'm so sorry"

She goes out and I look at him who is shaking slightly. I wondered why he was afraid of it. I went to him and got a blanket which I then put on him.

He takes the blanket from him, grabs my hand and pushes me on his lap, and hugs me from behind. He puts the blanket on us again. I freeze in his arms and he says trembling

"P.. ple..please .. please stay like this just a wee bit"

I stayed because he was bad. He was cold and he was trembling. I know how bad a panic attack is. I'm afraid of spiders and get the same panic attack.

Alex came in and looked at us in shock

"Boss"

I say softly and he says

"Just a wee bit"

I say again

"Boss Alex stands in front of us"

he opens his eyes and takes off the blanket. I get up from his lap and say

"He had a panic attack" Ethan walks up to him and says

"What's up?"

Alex shockingly hands him the papers and Ethan says

"Don't look like a bitch. Nothing happened and when. I'm tha fucking Boss and now fuck off."

I go out with him but he held my arm and looks at me

"Not ya,"

he says in a deep voice

I was a little scared because I didn't know what was going to happen now.

When Alex went out he went to his desk and closed the windows

"Ye dinnae have a bit of fucking privacy here!"

I stood there and he looks at me

"Lie on tha couch and make yourself comfortable"

My eyes opened and I say

"what do you want? no, no thanks I'm going back to work"

He comes to me and I get scared

"We won’t t do anything. Ya just helped me, I let ya relax. Nothing more ya dinnae need to be afraid ya just saw a few seconds ago tha I am human"

he says and I agree with him. I nod and go to the coach and pick up my cell phone. He went to his desk and I heard him start typing on his keyboard.

I fell asleep on the couch and woke up when someone tapped my shoulder and whispered softly

"Kim...Kim"

I open my eyes to see Ethan kneeling in front of me

"Wake up, I brought something to eat," he says and I sit down on the couch tired. He opens my food for me and pours me water. He bought both of us spaghetti bolognese. When he noticed that it was difficult for me to move because I was so tired, he took my fork and held it with spaghetti in front of my mouth.

"eat a few times and then ya wake up again"

How can someone be so cute? I always felt more comfortable next to him when he already fed me 3 times. I woke up and continued to eat alone while he ate too next to me. We finished eating and he took it away. With every second that I spent with him, I fell in love with him more. He worked a little while I went to the bathroom and freshened up again.

My work time came to an end and I said goodbye to him

he put on his jacket and walked in my direction

"I'll drive ya home"

he says and wants to go but I stopped him

"No, I'm good, I can go home alone"

He comes closer to me, holds my arms, and says

"Ya are tired ya need to rest as soon as possible. And besides, I dunno want that something happens to ya."

I look at him and say while he turns around and slowly walks towards the door

"What should happen"

he turns and takes a deep breath

"I worry about ya ok."

he stops when he opened the door and I said nothing because I was just shocked that such a handsome man cared about me and maybe even like me or like me a little more. He comes to me, grabs my hand, and pulls me out with him. His hand was soft and so warm that it went up to my heart and warmed me up. I got in and he drove me home.

I get out and before I wanted to turn around he pulled me to him and hugs me. His hug got tighter.

than he said

"Thanks for stopping me from a panic attack today, if ya weren't there I would have had to go through it. It means a lot to me."

I relaxed into his arms and hugged him back.

"Your Welcome"

After a while, he let go of me and I say

"Good night"

He says

"Good... Kim"

I look at him and see that he is holding something back

"Yes?"

"ehm good night"

I smile at him and he says again

"Kim" when I'm wanted to turn around

"Yes?"

his eyes go back and forth and his chest goes up and down from his heavy breathing.

"Shite" he says and walks in my direction.

He grabs my neck and pulls me in his direction. Our lips are touching. I was scared. My body started to react strangely, my heart didn't feel like it anymore, and wanted to jump out of my chest while my knees were soft and I almost fall. I stood there like a stone and at the beginning my eyes were open but then I closed them when I relaxed through the kiss. The kiss felt real and warm even though everything around us is cold. I didn't even think it was bad.

He just brought his lips to mine and kissed me gently it wasn't a hungry kiss it was a gentle, real, and loving one. He slowly pulls away from me and says softly against my lips

"Good night Kim"

I who was in shock laughed a little and said "good night" back. I went back to my front door and he went to his car.

I closed the door and ran to the window and saw that he was still in his car. I ran to my bed and pressed my face firmly into the pillow and screamed like a little child. I rolled onto my back and held my face. That was my very first kiss and he didn't even know it. I didn't know what was wrong with me but my feelings were going crazy. I've been in a relationship and loved someone, but I've never kissed. I walked to the mirror in the bathroom and put a finger on my lip and dreamed of the kiss. I laughed and screamed like a little child who was given a toy. Happy I undressed and admired myself in the mirror. Suddenly my self-confidence increased and I found myself attractive and pretty. I lift my hair with my hands and say

"No wonder he kissed me, I look so sexy"

I started giggling again and then opened the hot water.

#tommy flanagan #oneshot #fanfiction #writing #fanfic #first story