#letting the pure brilliance of what you just experienced run over you
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just rewatched the waters of mars and damn that is a good episode
#like omg i had forgotten#yk when you watch something amazing and then you just sit there#letting the pure brilliance of what you just experienced run over you#anyways#wish me luck i’m nearly at the regeneration 😭😭#time lord victorious#waters of mars#doctor who#10th doctor#tenth doctor#kori consumes media
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💓 Astro Notes PT 3 ! 💓
+I’m definitelyy gonna do sign posts soon, like houses, planets, asteroids, and all, it’s all gonna have a theme to each topic yada yada yadaa, so look outtt+
>A bit of a long post here so have fun scrolling through it hehe :))
*All aries risings have sign/house synchronization because the house order doesn’t move or if it does move at all it hardly does, only shifting by a sign or two depending on how late the ascendant degree is, this is notorious of aries’ independence streak by wanting each sign to be in their native houses, to feel its house’s full power, aries rules 1st the house of identity so there’s the more symbolic way for this occurring. It’s pure energy here.
*Venus-saturn, especially conjunction, definitely carry a big daddy vibe. It’s more prominent if the two are placed in the angular houses.
*Taurus and libra are both rules by venus, but these energies are distributed between the two signs in different ways. A basic way to differ the two energy wise is taurus is the “masculine” side of venus, libra is far more “feminine”. Both are delicate but in different ways taurus is “heavier”, for it being an earth sign, contrasted with the airy and flighty libra.
*Libra sun is in fall in astrology, the fall meaning the behavior of the sign contradicts the traditional role of the planet, the role of the sun is to stand out from everyone else, its your radiance, what makes you special, it’s your ego and what you take pride in. But libra wants to be relatable to everyone, to NOT stand out, merge and meet and balance !! This is the opposite of aries, aries is independent, “what makes ME independent, me me me !!”, explaining its exaltation when the sun enters this sign, it’s not absolutely the same as leo sun or the suns energy overall but it’s a close fit, almost... perfect, that’s what the exaltation means represents here. Libra is focused on everyone else around them, everyone other than themselves, the people around them and how they can compromise to fit everyone’s needs. I mentioned before they don’t like to stand out, this is excluding fire placements in a libras chart which will create a person who relates well to others but still demands to stand out in whatever planet is in a fire sign.
*Whatever house leo is ruling is wherever your rising sign’s ego is being expressed in, ex: leo in 11th expresses their ego, creativity with friends, causes. This area of life is where you’ll likely take most pride in, excluding the suns placement in the chart.
*Neptune in 7th can attract a lot of partners in need of healing or help. This person is very healing and guiding in relationships, maybe they could even make a good guidance counselor, but I’m not so sure astrologically because I haven’t looked into it entirely, let me know if this is true.
*Neptune in 2nd is the type of person to browse a shop, find whatever they like but never end up buying it, they change their minds about it by putting it back right before they leave. They could’ve been talking about hooow much they want to get whatever they’re holding onto over and over again but never buy the thinggg.
*Aries mercury were always told to lower their voice or be quiet as kids I swear.
*Uranus in 12th feels they should hide their brilliance, these are veryy creative people they just keep it a secret.
*12th house feels like a never ending game of hide and seek, you find the planet sometimes but you’re always in a never ending loop, always searching for it.
*The moon in astrology, when looking into the mother, who’s ruled by the moon in astrology, describes your relationship with her, what she’s like, how she raised you etc...
*Ex: taurus moons, your mother gave you many gifts, she adored youu as taurus is ruled venus which rules gifts and appreciation, she was also very relaxed in your childhood, she still is now. This relationship is a very calm, steady one, moon is exalted in taurus meaning the role of the moon is comfortable in relaxed and comfy taurus.
*Ex: a moon in 8th, the house of intense and psychic scorpio, could have a psychic or even telepathic bond to the mother, this is a very strong connection overall and depending on its sign and aspects is where you’ll find the specifics of the relationship from, the details, how the relationship is flavored.
*Sun in 12th indicates an absent father figure. This placement is difficult, i’m so sorry if you have it because you can never feel like you can be yourself, it’s hidden from you. With any other placement in astrology, there’s a gorgeous, forgiving upside to it, you’re very healing and understanding of others, an empath or at least someone who sucks in the negative vibes out the environment, it can get quite exhausting !! so always need to seclude yourself now and then, you’re very loyal and caring of your loved ones, people love you for your sensitivity and empathy as this placement also makes you an old soul, someone overflowing with wisdom others rely on.
*5th house shows you what your child will be like, what traits they embody, what they will do and even how they act.
*Capricorn risings look elvish, they have high cheekbones a lot like a LOTR character and elvish, chiseled ears. It’s not OUT there but it’s subtle.
*Chiron in 9th has experienced religious trauma.
*A lot of 12th or 8th house placements carry a lot of karma.
*Mercury-pluto (especially negative) can become inconsiderate in arguments, they bring up a ton of shit to use against you, only as long as they can win.
*Scorpio suns are far more optimistic and light hearted than the moon sign.
*Mercury-ascendant aspects can make even an introverted rising sign more out-going, open, talkative (not that introverted risings can’t be talkative this is just what comes with this placement).
*You may be good at something without realizing it, take a peak at your 12th house or quintiles !! For quintiles, look up the trine form of whatever two planets are aspected for the general description since there’s not too much to find online sadly. 12th house is something you don’t really know or realize you’re good at, especially early in life, the secret talent pertaining to whichever sign or planet are ruling/in this house.
*Leo venus take pride in their loverss like damnnnn they literally treat their partners as royalty, king and queen, kissing the ground they walk on and everything, they’re so devoted in love, it’s adorable !! <33
*Pisces and leo moons, THE dreamiest, most romantic moon sign pairr, it’s well known pisces is the hopeless romantic of the zodiac, however to bring up the flamboyant, dramatic leo moon when describing a dreamy romantic you wonder, really ?? Yes this is extremely true ! Both signs, pisces and leo, are fairly alike, almost alike in fact, considering they both create a inconjunction in the natal chart, two signs who share some similarities while still contradicting one another in ways they express these similarities, both pisces and leo are creative, talented, have a love for the arts, film, music, loyal as friends and love to care for others, both are insanely idealistic. Leo rules the child remember !! so they’re a childlike sign with young idealism, an idealistic moon sign here. Both leo and pisces moons are children at heart, they’re so gooey and sweet.
*Sun in 10th can get any job they apply for, they could even be terrible at that job they want, the one they want to try out for, they would even have a breakdown over how terrible they were in an interview but still get the job like HOWW- WITCHCRAFTT.
*Aquarius mercuries were known as the smartest kid in class, the einstein’s of the class, everyone asked for their answers for the homework, they just carry this flair of intellectual superiority just like the sun sign haha.
*Your 12th house is what you unconsciously give off the vibe of, your ascendant and midheaven are noticeable layers, different types of layers of you !!but the subtle layers of the 12th house, sign or planet, can always be sensed unconsciously, 12th house energies are at a higher octave, a higher vibration than the other houses, even 11th, you can notice a person’s subtle 12th house energy but they’re still completely unaware of it as it’s ! hidden ! from them.
*Aquarius venus, and really all air venuses in general, are soo stereotyped UGHH, what I mean by stereotyped is the descriptions of each of these venus signs is literally like the same shit over and overrr again, they all get terrible reps in the astro community it seems almost close minded because it’s also such a hugee generalization. It’s only about how the air venus energy is used, manifested in the person, if its underdeveloped or not. If it’s underdeveloped it’s going to be chaotically afloat from material love affairs, which earth venuses don’ttt like, water too, fire can handle the floaty-ness but if the passion’s not there- BYE !! If you develop an air venus well enough, you can balance the material and intellectual realms in your relationships, this is kinda natural for earth heavy charts with one the air signs here, however fire or even more air could become a little tricky to ground yourself in relationships. Just let your partners know you deserve your space because you guys can really run out of mental power after a while, so it’s necessary for you to recharge !! just don’t ghost people completely when you do, it’s where this immortal stereotype comes from.
*Saturn dominant people are flawless beings.
*Saturn in 3rd, YOU GUYS ARE SOOOSOO SOOO SMART AHH. Their minds are always running at a fast pace like literal lightning, or they become too overwhelming (not in a bad sense ofcc, it’s just how it is) that the person’s speech rhythm is kinda forgotten about in a way, it feels like that their mouths aren’t always running in sync. The thought they’re going to express into words should come out but it’s so quick or even “heavy” it jumbles up a sentence or it causes the person to mix up a word or two. Their minds are fast fast fastt but they feel like their mouths are running in literal slow motion. There’s nothing wrong with this, this placement makes amazingly smart peoplee. Just relax, try letting yourself go in conversation, let all that big, brain energy freee !!
*Alsoo, as singers they would and definitely ALWAYSS get their notes right, they have actual PERFECT voices, they really should become writers or, like I said, singing would be perfect for them because they would never mess up lmaoo.
*Libra, computerized concern and sympathy...
*Pluto in 8th feel unbeatable, indestructible almost, they have above average regenerative abilities, they have the best survival tactics but they keep it a secret, it’s 8th house we’re talking about.
*Whatever saturn is in is the area where you’ll become flawless in, you’ll master that area throughout your life with time.
*There is a guiding planet in astrology, the planet that is closest behind the sun, it’s considered your “second” chart ruler, or basically has the energy of it because you can probably relate to it being one of the most prominent energies in your chart.
*Sagittarius//9th house mercury is soooo blunt, so blunt. Wait did I mention they’re SOOO SO BLUNT.
*Moon in 5th need to perform, they love to get out on stage and perform with their entire hearts, they’ll do amazing in the performing arts, theatre, and honestly they probably already aree. These people are so playful and generally so fun to be around, they’re natural hypemen as well !!
*Taurus venus love to be appreciated by their partners, the gifts, the kisses, the food and allll.
*Neptune in 3rd feel everything in their environment, they can sift through the energies and vibes, it’s second nature, no not second nature, FIRST nature, they’re one with everything around them. Their minds are like a hazy, cloudy ocean containing every drop, every thought of a place, a person.
*Moon in 11th, and 10th too, have a special ability to understand and sympathize with the public, they always know what the public wants and even how to give it to them. This can easily get them famous since they’re extremely understanding people, especially if moon is healthy in the chart.
*Someone with a lot of capricorn/10th house or aquarius/11th house energy is very extroverted, they enjoy socializing with others but suffer from social burn outs often, they often need to recharge.
*Scorpio risings have intense voices, like their tone radiates throughout your head and it can feel intense overall, even when they’re speaking casually. The specific flavor or tone doesn’t matter but how it sounds overall is piercing.
*In astrology, libra rising starts the house cusps with each houses sister signs ruling each cusps ex: pisces rules 6th house, the house of virgo in astrology. Symbolically, libra wants to balance out the houses by blending the energies with the sister signs together, by with what is (house number) and how it’s done (sign on each house cusp), for balanceee !!
*Moon conjunction uranus TRANSITSS can cause literal earthquakes on earth, shocking news or something shocking or groundbreaking will happen that day either around the world and in personal, daily life. Ex: this transit happened on halloween during the blue moon, so basically no one ever trick or treats in my neighborhood, like barely anyone comes out i mean, it’s always 5 houses apart where people typically hand out candy, some people are just hanging out, we always run out of houses to go to since it’s not very active, but this year EVERYONE was out trick or treating it was so crazy to see so many people out, it was quite literally shocking because that actually never happens also there’s a whole pandemic going on too lmaooo.
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*chanting* ms em give us your first kiss interpretation with the 10th doctor
You know what this would have been fine if i wanted to write fics when i first watched doctor who but no now i gotta do it like 15 years LATER. Reblogs and likes are totally appreciated, as is feedback! Thanks guys.
Title: Diamonds in the Sky.
Pairing: Reader x 10th Doctor.
Fandom: Doctor Who.
Words: ~ 2.5 K.
Summary: What does a first experience feel like for a man who’s lived so many lives and has seen so many firsts?
Rating: K. ( Super fluffy, some angst lol so be ready. )
Tagging: @ok-anon
You could see him through the semi-transparent middle of the TARDIS. Through the churning of the engine, through the time that was bent around you, through the space that was almost smothering. Though the box was bigger on the inside, at times for you, it felt as if you were crammed chest to chest with him, unable to breathe, excitement running through your veins at the idea of what your next adventure with the Doctor would be. Admittedly, you had gotten quite accustomed to the lifestyle. To the sounds coming out of his mouth as he swirled around the console, mumbling incoherence in a fashion that was purely Time Lord. From the way that his trench coat fluttered behind him as he pulled a lever, feeling in his bones the very movements of the TARDIS, the way that his fingers lingered for a second too long out of instinct before he tapped away to do something on the other side of the console, now right before your eyes with his back towards you. The Doctor’s face was easy to imagine. Eyebrows pressed together in complete focus, lips split apart, tongue occasionally coming out in some sort of brilliance as he said something directed in your direction.
“Where do you feel like? Bitter freezing world, mounds of snow and giant snow castles or perhaps a bit more sunny--- A bit more like an actual holiday with the family-- Like---”
“Florida?” You suggested with a laugh, finally tugging yourself out of a strange linear space that you were placed into more and more often whenever you found yourself admiring him. You stood up and glanced upwards at him. The Doctor found himself stopping in his tracks looking at you though the pause in his actions was hardly noticeable to anyone but himself. The way you looked at him at times, like right now, with innocence swirling rampant between the two of you, uncovered emotions not willing to be said, he felt like melting on the spot. He popped his mouth and turned away from you for a second, swallowing what he wanted like he so often did and collected focus.
You saw his shoulders slump forward almost comically, his lips pursing together as your joke sunk into his mind before he twirled around quickly, nearly enough to send you flying back into your seat once again like the TARDIS did when first shifting into flight. The smile was still plastered on your face as he pointed at you, flipping one more shift on the console. She almost purred at being touched by him, not that you could blame the machine. From the way he finessed the TARDIS, it wasn’t an unexpected reaction. You were sure if you were in its place, you’d give an even more exaggerated reaction.
“What’s so wrong with Florida? Y’know, for a human place, it is quite nice. That got that family oriented spot, with the mouse and the duck... What’s it called?”
“Disney World?” You offered, holding one of your hands out metaphorically.
Snapping his fingers, he almost danced towards you, the Converse on his feet clanking against the metallic flooring. Excitedly, he grabbed your shoulder with one hand, the other gripping around your open hand and for a split moment, you thought he was going to pick you up and twirl you. But the simple grazing against your shirt clad arms was enough for you as you tossed your head back in laughter at his happiness. Had your eyes been open as you laughed, you’d have been face to face with the look he gave you. Melting again… Soft brown eyes melting as he stared at the subtle lines on your face as you grinned, grabbing hold of his hands on your body, leaning towards him to keep him near.
“Yes! That’s the place. Disney!” The two of you were so near one another, it was a natural reaction to smile at the feeling of his rapid breath against your face. A smile different than the one plastered on your face before. This one was soft and sweet, reserved specifically for the moments you knew the Doctor wasn’t paying attention to your expression but you longed for him to just so he could know how you were feeling towards him. But alas, it wasn’t meant to be as he let go of you to walk around the TARDIS, opting to lean against the wall, “You do know that man froze himself years ago, his body is kept under lock in key, some weird base on Earth. Weird, humans and wanting to live for years beyond needed.” He paused, looking down at his own hand in thought. “Trust me, living more than what was intended is a bitter sign indeed. No one's meant to live forever, if they were, imagine the turmoil you’d lot’o’humans would put yourselves in. Pokin’ your heads into all sorts of cans. ”
The Doctor clicked his tongue and you were nearly mesmerized watching that action as he slid the appendage across his sharp teeth before turning towards the main console of the TARDIS. That was the end of that side of the conversation, but the longing in his voice put it on hold for now. Another pin in a topic that was skimmed upon every once and a while that left you longing to touch him in reassurance. Just to touch him, not physically but maybe emotionally to calm down the raging storm that seemed to be brewing beneath his skin. There was a reason why the Daleks called him what they did. The Oncoming storm. But what if the storm had been there for years? Just simmering? Lonely, afraid, growing into something uncontainable? There was something there that you feared but it was often forgotten when he’d hold your hand running down a street, when he’d press his pointer finger to your lips to hush you in the excitement of a moment… Your fingers twitched. There it was! The feeling of shifting with him, never quite knowing where you were going to land, and even if you did have a slight idea of where you were going to vacation next, it was short lived as history liked to follow where you tread. The TARDIS made her whirl of sounds, but not the clunk that came along with landing.
“Where are we going?” The question hung in the air for a few seconds longer than the Doctor intended just to see if the familiar sound of landing was just delayed or---
“We haven’t landed,” He murmured, whether to himself or to you as he reached for the screen to look out. “Still sort of just driftin’.” His brows furrowed once again as he plucked his glasses out of the chest pocket of his pin-stripe suit with some sort of strange elegance that you found almost entrancing. “In space.”
“Well, we are in a spaceship-”
Your comment was put on pause as the doors of the TARDIS swung open, the Doctor freely popping his head out to see where. The screen was helpful but right now, his eyes needed to see what was going on. He was quick- you hadn’t even noticed him running towards the door until you felt the brush of air against your bare arms which yearned you towards the Universe that was just a step outside the door. He plopped himself down, sitting on the edge of his ship with his long legs dangling carelessly out into space. You could see the pout on his face without even looking straight at his face, the tilt of his head sparking curiosity within your own mind as you waltzed towards him and sat down behind him, gazing over his shoulder as your head rested in the crook of his neck. “Tell me Doctor, where’ve we ended up this time?”
That was merely a whisper in his ear as he took his glasses off, pressing part of the frames against his lips. “Seems to be a dead star,” you hummed in response to that, “But at this stage in its life, this type of star…. Becomes so compressed that it essentially becomes a diamond.” He turned towards you, faces centimetres apart now. “No idea why we’ve stopped here.”
“No complaints from me,” You admitted, glancing at the colors. There was mainly blues and purples, swirling in a dust of clouds around a dense object that you had deduced was the diamond the doctor had mentioned. Or at one time in its life, it was a star. You found it easy to imagine, having spent so much time with the man you were travelling with. Your imagination wandered farther than it ever had before. “It’s beautiful.”
“To think that something so miraculous becomes even more amazing after death---” He started speaking and turned his attention to what was happening outside. “Fantastic. Even after all this time, the Universe still finds a way of surprising me in unexpected ways.”
Settling down next to him, you crossed your legs and lightly leaned against him. “Imagine how I feel.”
The Doctor smiled softly at that and chuckled. He liked to do that on his own time- imagining how you must have felt, how your train of thought trailed… But now, unexpectedly, he was thinking about it and he answered truthfully, “I don’t think I can--- it’s been much too long for me to remember how first moments felt, they’re dim in my mind now, many things are forgotten over the hundreds of years and I often don’t feel it until the moment happen again. What I imagine it feeling like for you is…” His hand rested upon yours in your lap as if he were empathetically reaching out to you, something common that you had seen him do a handful of times. “Pure happiness- maybe fear and nerves at times, like now---” He swallowed and smacked his lips dismissively, trying to ignore the fluttering he so viciously felt within his own hearts syncing with yours, “It’s fleeting for me now, I’ve been alive for so long, (Name). Now imagine how I feel.”
You knew how he felt--- you could almost absorb what he was experiencing, his hand now grasping yours a bit tighter than before, like his emotions were sinking so deeply into your fingertips. He was laying bare to you--- a strange sensation. You shut your eyes and took a deep breath in. What you felt was--- Was… “I know.” You whispered to him, “You needn’t worry about being alone anymore, Doctor.”
“It’s inevitable,” He replied back to you, a bitter tone behind his usually chipper voice. “There will come a time, (Name), when you’ll get old and I won’t… Even having you now, I feel so alone because I know what is happening. What will happen. There’s so many things I can stop, but this...” There was a vague gesture between the two of you that he made with his free hand.
Things got quiet between the two of you quickly. The only sound that was apparent was coming from the TARDIS and yet it seemed to deafen you. The sleepless space that was staring at you, the warmth of his hand still clinging to yours desperately. Hold me, it said, forever. It was wishful thinking on the Doctor’s side, this was something he was also consciously aware of. Forever would always happen for him but it was never meant to be between the two of you. Drawing your attention from the scenes of the galaxy in front of you, you let your eyes fall on him beside you. Shadows played on his sunken cheeks, against his face giving the illusion that he was in some sort of strange blue firelight. He was handsome and with his hand still on yours, you knew that what you were feeling was evident in his own mind. That your ambitions in the moment were coinciding with his.
“There is---”
“A first you’d like to have?” He murmured quietly, squeezing your hand before letting it go.
“With you.” To say that the voice you used was reassuring would be an understatement. You were soft spoken in the moment, reaching with the hand he had been holding so tightly to cup the side of his face. Instantaneously, a rush of emotion ran into you. Not all were yours, not all were his. Some were entwined in some strange dance that could only assimilate upon being your thoughts, together, as one.
“With you.” He repeated your statement, letting his hand come up to grasp the side of your face to mimic your own actions. With hooded eyes, the Doctor gazed down at you, letting it flutter between your eyes and your lips. He’d been close to you like this before, in fact, being this near felt good to him, it felt close to ecstasy to know that after what he had done with his own hands, with his own thoughts, that someone would still want him the way that you did right now. “Right now, seems like a good time---”
You were the one to hush him this time around as you closed that small gap between the two of you. It was a barely there sort of touch at first, lips holding in an awkward dance before the Doctor pulled away with hard pressed together lips and an even harder swallow, his Adam’s apple bobbing with that action. That’s all it was, just a peck but he was left feeling this sort of churning in his stomach. He wanted to do it again, and looking at you through a flush of eyelashes, he could tell that you wanted the same thing. And so, the gap disappeared once again as he took initiative and allowed his mouth to form against yours properly, your hand reaching to tangle in the hair and the back of his head while he held the side of your face, still swallowing in large sumps the emotions that were tangled in your mind. Everything you were feeling, have felt about him were strewn on the table like a deck of cards at a Poker table. And in return, you received the same thing. It felt like a burning in your throat as if you had just guzzled down an entire shot of whiskey.
“Right then.” The brown haired Time Lord muttered against your lips and continued to caress your face with a gentle graze. “Florida it is…”
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Prompt: Chalk Dust [AO3]
Serial Killer AU
It was easier to sneak around when Fili lived alone.
Even so, he couldn’t bring himself to regret inviting Kili to move in with him. The younger man was… beautiful. Pure. Innocent. Everything Fili wasn’t.
Fili wasn’t sure he was capable of love, but Kili brought him the closest he would ever get.
He liked Kili’s presence. They shared a bond, and although Fili would never truly trust anyone, he trusted Kili enough to invite him into his space. His home. His life. Kili was different to the other mundane people of the world. Fili was thrilled at his eagerness to please, relished in the pleasure they took from each other’s bodies. His touch, his kiss, his love meant acceptance, even if he would never truly accept all of Fili.
Who would accept a psychopath?
He’d never been officially diagnosed, of course. But his lessened emotions, his lack of remorse, his double life as a serial killer… it all added up to the same result.
Still, Kili wasn’t stupid. He definitely suspected there was more to Fili, or at least something different about him. He was starting to ask questions that were a little too pointed for Fili’s comfort.
Kili finding out wasn’t quite his intention, and yet Fili couldn’t stop himself from half-yearning for Kili to discover that behind the loving façade was a man who lacked empathy entirely. A man who had killed. A man who had killed for him.
Perhaps that was why Fili was letting the charade slip, a little at a time. Oh, he’d been so careful to stick to it at first. Cuddling after sex, making sure he stayed in bed with Kili for a reasonable amount of time. He made sure to share in his emotions, crying on cue when Kili’s mother had passed and offering comfort to his lover. Yet as soon as he was alone, the crying ceased, the buzz of emotion was turned off like a switch.
Fili had learned from a very young age how to mimic empathy. How to manifest human emotion at the drop of a hat. How to manipulate the emotions of others around him. He understood emotion perfectly. He just experienced it to a much lesser degree, and it had little lasting effect.
Throughout his relationship with Kili, he had been careful not to give that away. These days, he was being less cautious. It was a game of risk, wondering just how much he could give away before Kili discovered something. Before Fili would have to kill him.
Fili often wondered what it would be like, to be covered in Kili’s blood. To see the light leave his eyes and feel his heart stop.
He wondered if it would make him feel something stronger. Would it be the click of a plan falling into place, the closest thing he felt to happiness? Or would there be frustration, the primary emotion that replaced an empty void where grief and remorse should be?
Alas, tonight would not be the night to find out. He’d slipped Kili a sedative in his wine at dinner. He’d sleep through till morning, missing all of the excitement.
It had given Fili the night to take full advantage of his latest victim—a former co-worker of Kili’s, who had gotten a little too vicious after a few drinks, and offered a little too freely her opinion of Kili’s lifestyle.
Fili had never known rage like it. The evidence of which was all over his shirt and arms. He usually took more care with his chosen victims, but tonight his emotions had got the better of him.
He hadn’t even packed a spare shirt.
But the deed was done, and her venomous tongue would never put doubts on Kili’s head again.
Unlocking the cellar door, Fili stepped inside his home, a silvery knife clutched in his right hand. It was part of the ritual now, since Kili moved in. An added precaution, in case he was discovered.
But the house was dark. No sound of movement.
Fili relaxed, setting the blade down on the bench and tearing off his shirt. He bundled it into the washing machine and moved to the sink to begin scrubbing his hands. The water swirled murky against the stainless steel, and the last evidence of his nightly activities drained away.
The light overhead flickered on and Fili wheeled around.
Kili stood before him, wide awake, still in the pyjamas he’d been sleeping in when Fili left. But his eyes held no trace of sleep.
In answer to the unasked question, Kili tossed a bottle at him. With still soaked hands, Fili caught it, his eyes flickering away from Kili for only an instant.
Pro Plus Energy Shot. He must have taken it to counteract the sedative.
He knew.
Fili’s eyes flickered to the blade he’d carelessly left behind him. It lay askew on the counter, mocking him for his negligence. It gleamed from its recent polish, only minutes before Fili had left the cellar. He took pride in his instruments. A combination of chalk dust and vodka brought out the brilliance of the sheen. How fitting that it would be the last thing he ever saw.
His mind raced, thinking of excuses, lies, ten different ways to escape this situation, most of them revolving around killing, killing, killing—
Kili’s eyes followed his own path to the blade and he picked it up. The blade buried in the top of their kitchen counter—the place they’d prepared dinner together only hours earlier—and began to twirl.
“Are you going to kill me?” Kili’s voice was hoarse but unwavering.
And this, this could be why Fili would have loved him in any other universe, if he was any other man. Because Kili was standing there, faced with his own potential demise, and there wasn’t a trace of fear in his eyes.
Fili licked his lips, the lie heavy on his tongue, and found he couldn’t bring himself to speak it. He wanted to know what Kili would do when faced with the truth. There was no way of getting out of this, so he’d satisfy his own curiosity if nothing else.
“I don’t want to. I’d never planned to.”
“But you’ve thought about it.”
Fili nods, his eyes fixed on the still-twirling knife. “So many times. The first night we spent together, after we fucked, I wanted nothing more than to cut your throat, let your blood run over my sheets. You would have looked beautiful.”
“Why didn’t you?” The knife paused.
“Because I looked at you when you were sleeping, and I realised you looked beautiful anyway.”
Kili pulled the knife away from the counter and stepped forward, closing the distance between them.
Fili didn’t move, just watched him approach with sharp eyes. Waiting for a window. Waiting for a trigger.
“Did you ever love me?” Kili asked, softly.
“I’m not capable of love, but I do care for you. I hold you in higher regard than anyone else I’ve ever met. My turn to ask a question now. How long have you known?”
Kili shrugged. “Not for certain until tonight.” The knife in his hand moved and Fili twitched, but Kili didn’t attack.
Instead, he did the unthinkable.
The knife twirled in his hand so the blade was between his fingers, and he offered the handle to Fili.
What was the play here? Why would he—?
Fili met the unwavering brown eyes that were fixed on him. Still no fear. He exhaled slowly and reached for the knife, feeling it slip from Kili’s grasp into his own.
His head tilted curiously, and he pointed the blade towards Kili’s throat, just close enough to touch the tip to his Adam’s apple.
Kili swallowed, and his pupils dilated at the motion. Not fear, still. No. Something else.
The knife slipped lower, down Kili’s chest. Over his stomach. To the waistband of his loose navy pyjama pants. Pants that had gotten a whole lot tighter over the last few moments.
Ah.
Kili was aroused.
Fili calmed instantly, something foreign welling up in his chest. No, not exactly foreign, but something rare. Something he never really felt outside of the ritual.
Acceptance.
He could see it written all over Kili’s face as plain as day. Gone was the naïve and oblivious mask Kili had worn daily, and Fili let his own mask slip away in return.
In that moment, he laid himself bare for Kili, and found nothing but incomprehensible love. Kili loved the monster behind the man, regardless of whether or not the man could ever love him back.
They’d found something together that worked while they lived a life of smoke and mirrors. With those obstacles removed, Fili knew that they would only find something better. Something dark and beautiful.
The knife slipped below the waistband of Kili’s pants, and Kili closed his eyes, his head tilting back as his lips parted. The exhale was music to Fili’s ears. He withdrew and tossed the knife behind him. His mouth sealed over Kili’s moments before it clattered against the wall.
Kili’s acceptance had sparked a different kind of need in him tonight. Something urgent. Something hungry.
Something that would not be denied.
And it was clear Kili had no intention of denying him.
Fili smiled.
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It wasn’t so much torturous, pun not intended, anymore, but rather exasperating, dozy and waking up tied to something or other in an enemy base. Of course this wasn’t the part Rex signed up for, but he knew this was the sort of...risks that a career like a secret agent would entail. Besides, maybe he had too much fun exercising his usual charm with the interrogator.
Even with his drowsiness and the bright lights of the room, a look of frustration was drawn across his face. The cold, unfeeling atmosphere of an interrogation room was no stranger to him, though it certainly felt emptier and frankly a little bit colder than usual. Probably not helped by the fact that he was missing his jacket, his white shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows as his arms were pinned into the cold metal sides of a chair by similarly cold metal cuffs. Trust them to have the Bond villain style aesthetic down to a T with this, he thought dryly, and, well fuck, of course they took my glasses and watch. That stuff isn’t even mine.
“It’s amazing who you can find around here who’s clearly not wanted.”
Rex was broken out of his reverie by a soft, almost sickly sweet voice from the corner of the room. That was torture enough by itself, hearing that before anything had even happened. But he didn’t let that bother him, as the figure approached him, he was used to that. Same old scenario. He’d spent a whole career getting used to these things, even if they weren’t exactly...beneficial in the long run.
SKULL agents generally looked similar, not helped by those damn coats (which he could really use in the chill atmosphere of this room and the cold metal that burned into his skin), but the recognisable feature was usually the hair. This time it was a lady, with similarly brown hair like his but wavy and reached just past her shoulders. She didn’t look terribly happy, but there was a spark of something in her blue eyes and a twitch in the side of her mouth that spoke otherwise of this well-known intruder that she was now standing a metre or so from, arms crossed.
Rex raised an eyebrow, a twitch of a smile on his own face. He’d gotten far too used to being intimidated, considering it took up a decent part of his career. “Do you say that to every person you interrogate?” he asked, mildly joking despite the cold, “I’ve heard that one before.”
He looked up at her face, which was clearly not budging. Usually expected, he thought, though she responded in kind with a flash of sharp steel just inches from his face. He flinched back in instinct and shock against the metal chair, the cold metal of the cuffs now biting into his wrists. The brilliance of the fluorescent lights reflected menacingly on the long blade in front of his face, and he briefly glanced warily at it before looking back up at her. She looked slightly more amused, and he cursed himself for flinching.
“I’m gonna cut to the chase before you start any of that, pretty boy,” she responded, clearly annoyed, “I’m the one in charge here, not you. You’re the one who decides to intrude every time into our business.”
Rex kept switching his gaze between the blade and her face. He couldn’t help but make a expression of indignation, as if they’d finally had enough of his antics. “I don’t decide,” he bitterly remarked, “it’s part of my job. Whatever you’re doing, it’s clearly my problem too.”
The point of the blade reached the underside of his jaw, and he hissed, still managing to maintain his hard, bitter expression. This obviously wasn’t the atmosphere for joking anymore. She laughed mockingly, practically regarding his retort as pathetic.
“Something that you’d evidently be willing to put yourself on the line for, it seems.”
“If you’re willing to hurt other people to get your way in life, I guess. But that’s just me.”
He managed a crooked grin as he said this, despite where the knife was pointing. He was shivering with a blade to his neck, he’d experienced far worse than this.
The lady turned the blade so it was along up the right side of his neck, just below his jaw and pressed down and he almost choked, swallowing down his fear. She had more of a grin on her face this time as he felt it cut ever so slightly into his skin, and he felt a familiar sensation of something warm trickle down his neck.
“You’re dangerously close to betting your life on something like this.”
This time Rex didn’t have a response to what she said. He let out a few shivery, pained breaths, attempting to not look pleading as he felt her continue to hold the knife there, warm blood dripping gently down his neck. Sure, he practically had a sacrifical streak, but not like this. Not like this. This was too much of a moment of weakness to die like this.
It felt like an eternity before she removed the knife and he let a sharp breath out, almost as if a weight was sitting in his chest. He eyed her as she nonchalantly wiped the blood off the knife with her sleeve. The cut on his neck stung, and he was well aware of the blood that crept down his neck and collarbone.
“I thought so. It would seem ridiculous for you to bet your own life against us. Besides, it’s much more fun you being alive,” she drawled, pocketing the knife, “you look so much prettier when you’re in pain.”
Rex looked at her, grimacing. So what if he was being threatened by a sadistic interrogator? Not like they didn’t enjoy doling out misery to the enemies they came across.
“Alright then, you sadist,” he spat, a smug grin creeping up on his face, “isn’t that a bit much?”
She responded in kind with a more smug, vicious grin of her own, and laughed. “If only,” she replied, her hands now behind her back, “and it’s not something your charm will be able to stop me from doing. You should know that by now.”
There seemed no instant where he could say anything, even if he could tell this was leading in a particular direction. His face dropped as the thought hit him---
---the realisation unfortunately hitting him as a shocking blur of pure agony washed over him like a tidalwave, suffocating him to the point that he couldn’t even scream. His muscles seemed frozen by this sensation, the pain leaping like a lightning bolt through his wholy body, the cuffs now biting like hell against his skin. His feet skidded across the rough floor, his back arched against the chair as his head titled over the back of it.
The agony seemed to stop as fast as it had appeared, and he slumped back into the chair, breathing heavily and forcing himself into a more or less upright position. His body was aching and tense against the metal, and the lady had taken enough steps forward so she was effectively towering over him menacingly in front of him, her face clearly one of cruel enjoyment at his expense. Even in his pain, he managed a seething snarl up in her direction, was wasn’t usually him at all.
She leaned over him, so their faces were barely inches apart from each other. “Now then,” she hissed, her voice laced with malice and eyes studying his tired, pale face, “why don’t we get straight to the point and you tell me exactly what you were doing here, or I make you suffer even more than my colleagues ever managed to with you.”
#whumptober2020#no.1#restrained#playmobil: the movie#rex dasher#fic#blood tw#knives tw#torture tw#the life of a spy really do be paying these prices#writing
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One
Seungwan should've known better than to wager against Sooyoung.
Considering the Slytherin girl's penchant for mischief and deception, it should've been enough incentive for Seungwan to know that something fishy was going on. But even her long history of pure bad luck and gullible tendencies didn't prevent her from taking the bait. Now she had to sneak around the halls of Hogwarts in the middle of the night concealed under the invisibility cloak to search of the fabled Room of Requirement.
She could've been lounging in the Ravenclaw common room right now writing her essay in Transfiguration and or sneaking into the kitchens to teach the art of Muggle baking to the house elves she befriended but no, she just had to lose a stupid bet.
And now, she had to pay for the price.
She descended from the winding steps of the Grand Staircase and followed the directions leading to the castle grounds. The rational part of her brain screamed at her to Turn back! You're breaking school rules! Retreat before you get expelled! But the other side of her, the small, miniscule and barely-there prideful side of her refused to be cowed. She will not back down from this. Seungwan didn't want to give Sooyoung the satisfaction of knowing that she was a coward all along.
By the end of the corridor, the young Ravenclaw stopped dead in her tracks when the Gray Lady fluttered pass the solid walls. Their gazes met and those lifeless eyes seemed to see past the magic veil of her invisibility cloak. Seungwan briefly wandered if ghosts were immune to its enchantments. Thankfully, the Gray Lady ignored her existence and continued haunting the halls of Hogwarts. Once the coast was clear, Seungwan resumed her task.
Any normal person could pretend and claim about finding the Room of Requirement but Seungwan was such a bad liar so there was no way she could've successfully pulled a deception of this magnitude from Sooyoung. The girl was an experienced bullshit detector and any attempts of manipulation from Seungwan would be for nought.
Besides, Kim Yerim, a young Gryffindor and Sooyoung's evil partner in crime, threatened to jinx Seungwan's flying broom and burn all the books she owned if she ever chickened out. In the end, the Ravenclaw decided that she couldn't risk it.
Lurking behind the statue of a grotesque gargoyle, Seungwan blew off whisps of her blonde hair that obscured her vision as she studied the intricate patterns carved on the walls in the hopes of revealing a concealed passageway. Hogwarts was full of hidden rooms and other enchantments. Many of its secrets remained undiscovered and it would take her centuries to uncover all of them.
There was an unmistakable sound of footsteps echoing along the halls and she hastened her pace. "Nox!" After extinguishing the light from her wand and ensuring that her entire body was hidden underneath the cloak, Seungwan waited with bated breath when she saw the hunched figure of Filch emerge from the Great Hall. His beady eyes scanned the empty corridor, searching for anything suspiciously out of the ordinary. He entirely missed the young Ravenclaw's silhouette standing beside a knight statue and decided to make a quick stop to his office. He found it pointless to patrol the school and catch rule-breaking students without the aid of his precious shackles.
Seungwan released a sign of relief. She was not getting caught today. No sir!
She poked her head out from the cloak, checking to see if he really left the vicinity and cheering internally when he did. Seungwan was really pushing it now. The number of school rules she was breaking must be horrendous and her best friend Joohyun would be so disappointed, especially when she finds out that the invisibility cloak she lent to Seungwan had been used for illegal purposes.
Seungwan knew that she was a bad friend, taking advantage of Joohyun's kindness and lying just to achieve her ends, but a lot was at stake here and she couldn't let the devil duo win. She couldn't let them taint Ravenclaw's immaculate reputation by allowing the spread of rumors regarding her cowardice. Seungwan would rather die than bring shame to her house.
The young Ravenclaw sucked in a deep breath and steadied her resolve. She needed to find this Room of Requirement as soon as possible so she could return to her common room and be done with it. She still needed to read Gilderoy Lockhart's Voyages with Vampires goddamnit!
"The light drives away the void that has long blinded my eyes upon your arrival." Seungwan nearly jumped in surprise when the portrait of a dark-haired woman, wearing a white Grecian dress and resting casually on a rustic bench then holding a cluster of grapes within the palm of her hands, called her attention. The title Embodiment of Love and Beauty: Aphrodite was carved on the base of the portrait's golden frame and it sparked a recent memory of the Greek Mythology book Seungwan was reading a few days ago. "Come yonder and whisper the melody into my ears-" Aphrodite leaned closer to get a better look at the blonde girl. "-the reason why a darling rose like you lurks in the darkness of the night."
Wow. The Ravenclaw was amazed. Who knew that Aphrodite could be so poetic? All the books she read never mentioned how the goddess had a way with words. She could give Apollo a run for his money.
"Uhmm.." Seungwan was bewildered because she thought she was doing a great job of hiding. Apparently not, because she was clearly caught by someone, even if it was just a mere painting. "I was hoping to find the Room of Requirement." The greek goddess ruefully shook her head, tendrils of raven black locks swaying with every movement, and made such a simple act look so elegant.
Aphrodite seemed refined and ethereal and for some reason, Seungwan noted an akin likeness between the goddess and Joohyun.
Huh.
"My lovely rose. Forget such trivialities and allow me to bask in your sweet presence." Aphrodite purred as she batted her eyelashes coquettishly at the innocent girl. The goddess seemed to have taken a liking towards the young Ravenclaw. "You wield the brilliance of the sun within you. Are you, perchance, an offspring of Apollo?" And when Seungwan shook her head no, the deity continued singing her praises. "No matter. I will not let such things hinder us. For I will pluck all stars in the sky and weave them into garments only befitting of your radiance."
The blonde girl didn't know what to do with the sudden attention. She was flattered, really, that the Goddess of Love and Beauty found her worthy of her affections but Aphrodite was a portrait and Seungwan was just not into her.
Seungwan thought of ways on how to gently turn the goddess' advances down without offending her. Sure, Aphrodite was a portrait and held no real power over her but all deities, even ones immortalized in paintings, had enormous pride and easily get injured at the smallest of things.
"I wish to fulfill your wishes O lovely Aphrodite! But my heart is torn and I simply cannot." Seungwan decided to lay it thick and flatter the goddess. The sooner she escapes this predicament, the sooner she can continue her task of finding the elusive room. "For I am a mere mortal unworthy of your affections. Our becoming is never destined and the Sisters of Fate would drive us apart." At times like these, her greasiness was put to good use. All those instances of playfully flirting at Joohyun was paying off.
"We simply cannot be." She whispered brokenly to elicit a dramatic effect and successfully rendered Aphrodite into tears. Who knew that Seungwan had a knack for theatrics?
A part of her was guilty for pulling this cunning move and manipulating someone, even if that someone was just a portrait, but she couldn't deny the rush of excitement it gave her. She was starting to know what it felt like being a Slytherin.
"Alas! You speak of the truth, my darling rose, and my heart has come to accept this. Forgive me for forcing my unwanted affections upon you." The goddess wiped away the last of her tears and gathered her resolve. "Allow me to amend my offenses and aid you in your endeavors." Aphrodite bestowed her godly blessings upon the blonde, which was completely unnecessary because the deity was a painting and she wielded no real power, and Seungwan just obeyed because she wasn't raised to be rude. "You seek of a place which is hard to find. A room that comes and goes."
That piqued the young Ravenclaw's interest and she leaned closer, eager to learn what the deity has to say. Aphrodite smiled fondly at Seungwan before stating a cryptic message. "It only ever appears in times of great need."
Their little chat was interrupted when familiar voices sounded down the corridor. "I think someone's down here!" One of them said and their footsteps quickened. The young Ravenclaw panicked and spurred into action by hiding behind a marble pillar and covering herself with the invisibility cloak. She waited with bated breath and clutched her wand tightly as she prepared herself for an unwanted confrontation.
Seungwan thought she heard the distinct sound of a cat purring and upon glancing down, she was caught paralyzed by the sight of Mrs. Norris glaring at her nastily. The feline's beady yellow eyes sent tendrils of fear to her spine. For a moment, she wondered how the animal could see her through the veil of the enchanted cloak. Did felines have a heightened sense of sight that they acquired the ability to detect invisible objects? "Shoo! Please go away." Seungwan tried her best to treat the cat with as much courtesy as possible because even though Mrs. Norris wasn't the most well-liked among the students, considering she was Filch's pet, but she was still a cat and Seungwan respected all animals, no matter how evil.
Mrs. Norris had other intentions because her hackles rised and lunged to attack the young Ravenclaw. Those razor-sharp claws sank deep into her leg, slightly drew some blood, and effectively tore her trousers. The blonde was unable to stop the groan that escaped from her lips when she felt the stinging sensation.
Crap!
The voices became louder and the young Ravenclaw barely had time to control her agonized breathing when two figures emerged from the dark hall. Upon getting a clearer look on their features, Seungwan stifled a groan and cursed the universe for playing a sick game on her.
It was her friends. Seulgi and Joohyun.
Both of which were Prefects.
Prefects who were patrolling the halls of Hogwarts late at night.
Prefects who, if they somehow caught wind of Seungwan's rule-breaking, had the authority to take away house points and report the said girl to the Head of the Ravenclaw House.
Just her luck.
"There's nothing down here Joohyun." Seulgi directed the tip of her wand to cast a beam of light upon the dark corridor. Joohyun told her earlier that she heard some noises in the vicinity and accompanied her friend to investigate. "It's just Mrs. Norris hissing at nothing in particular." Seulgi nodded at the said feline, who was busy glaring at an empty spot behind a marbled pillar, then turned to regard her friend skeptically.
"That's odd." A minute ago, she thought she heard someone whimpering as if they were in pain. Thinking that a person was injured, she hurried over to check it out, only to find nothing. Did I miss something? Joohyun thought as she squinted her eyes to thoroughly examine the dark hall. She found the cat's actions quite unusual, hissing at the wall and clawing at the empty space as if provoked by the air, but she chalked it up to weird animal behavior. She shook her head and acquiesced. "It must have been my imagination."
"Do you want to rest? I could finish patrolling if you want. We've already checked most of the castle anyway." Seulgi asked her friend in concern. Being a kind person that she was, it's quite expected of her to ensure her friend's well-being, even if it meant sacrificing her own. Maybe her good-nature just comes with being a Hufflepuff.
"No, I'm fine." Joohyun declined her offer and adjusted the green scarf wrapped around her neck. The cold air felt like freezing shards that bit her skin but she shrugged her uneasiness off and remained impassive because she didn't want to inconvenience Seulgi. "Let's finish this."
She gritted her teeth when another blast of the chilly night air hit her face. Joohyun longed for a personal heater, probably in the form of a blonde Ravenclaw Muggleborn whose bright smile put the sun to shame.
"Last stop, the Dungeons." Seulgi shivered anxiously when she uttered the word. She aimed the light down the spiralling staircase that led to their intended destination and huddled close to Joohyun partly for warmth and mostly for reassurance. The taller girl felt uncomfortable with dark and creepy places. She had gotten used to the warm and comfy atmosphere of the Hufflepuff common room and stifling areas like the Dungeons made her quite nervous. It was a good thing she had her Slytherin friend to accompany her.
Joohyun furrowed her brows, took one last look at the dark halls, before reluctantly following Seulgi to continue with their patrol.
As soon as the Prefects were out of sight, the blonde released the breath she'd been holding and quickly shrugged off her cloak to check the damage that evil cat had inflicted.
Sure enough, her trousers were torn and there was a trail of blood that stained the rainbow-colored socks she borrowed from Seulgi. Crap! The socks were ruined and no amount of Scourgify could remove those bloodstains. Seungwan used to stock her luggage with numerous bottles of bleach for cleaning purposes but her supplies dwindled after that one particular incident which involved diving under the black lake for some experimental research in Care of Magical Creatures and trying to befriend a Giant Squid for extra credit.
How was the blonde supposed to know that the Giant Squid’s way of showing its trust and getting its stamp of approval was to squirt stinky black ink all over her body?
How was she supposed to know that, by that simple and disgusting gesture alone, she was already adopted into the squid community?
Squid ink was difficult to remove, mind you, and it left Seungwan smelling like seafood the whole week.
And that was the story of how she used up all her bleach.
If only there was some magical equivalent of the 7/11 convenient store in the wizarding world so she could restock her supplies.
Oh well, can’t have everything, can we?
Mrs. Norris poised for another attack and that was enough incentive for Seungwan to run for her life. It was quite ridiculous that she was being terrorized by a cat but in her defense, Mrs. Norris was a demon incarnate. No amount of reasoning would work around that feline so with the influence of her self-preservation, the young Ravenclaw took off. If she were to die, she didn’t want it to be caused by something stupid like being clawed to death by a cat. That’s just ridiculous. She’d be rolling over her grave if that were to happen.
Seungwan dashed along the winding halls of Hogwarts and ignored the burning sensation on her wound. Adrenaline was the only thing keeping her sane now and she tried to remain composed while a murderous cat followed her wake. She took a series of twist and turns and ran until she could no longer hear the sound of screeching and purring.
The Ravenclaw stopped short to catch her breath and shrugged off her cloak to wipe the sweat off her face. She had never been more exhausted in her entire life and that was a great indicator that Seungwan needed to do more cardio. It made her wonder if this dare was worth risking her life for. She contemplated of backing out but the mocking laugh of Sooyoung and the sinister grin of Yeri, along with the images of broken brooms and burning books, flashed into her mind and her resolve was back full force.
She’d come this far. Might as well get this over with.
She will not live like a coward. Not today Satan!
But as soon as Seungwan regained some courage, it quickly dwindled when she realized that she was lost, like, really lost. It seemed like she stumbled upon an old abandoned classroom by chance.
Scrolls of spare parchment and splinters littered the floors, unused desks and chairs were stacked haphazardly behind the dust-covered blackboard and marbled statues were blasted into pieces. The windows were smashed and the walls were scorched. It’s as if someone lit the whole room on fire and left it burning for centuries. A few Dementor dummies were broken beyond repair and some of its parts fell to ashes.
Then something caught her attention.
Standing far back into the room and partially covered by a worn red tapestry, there was an ornate and fairly ancient-looking mirror. The base had a clawed foot that served as a support and the gold borders that framed its edges were inscribed with a foreign and probably dead language.
Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi
Due to the fact that she was a Ravenclaw and she had a natural tendency to be curious, Seungwan walked close to inspect the object. She tried to decipher the hidden meaning behind the carvings and moved until her silhouette was reflected in the mirror.
She looked like a hobo.
Due to all the running she had to do, her short blonde locks clung to her neck in sticky waves and sweat dampened her skin. Her robes were askew and trousers were torn. She looked like she took a jolly night stroll at the Forbidden Forest but got attacked by an Acromantula.
Her disheveled appearance reminded her of the time Ravenclaw had a Quidditch match against Gryffindor. It was a pitch-black stormy day and she strayed off the pitch trying to catch the Golden Snitch. She was struck by lightning and landed on the Whomping Willow really badly. Ravenclaw won the match but her broom was pretty wrecked and she was out of commission for nearly three months.
Seungwan tried to smooth out the unruly bangs that covered her eyes when the image shimmered and her appearance changed. Suddenly, she wasn't the only person reflected in the mirror anymore.
Standing before her were her friends and all sported cheery expressions on their faces. They looked older and more refined. Gone was the childlike naivety in their eyes and it was replaced with such wisdom that only comes after long years of being exposed to the world and meeting different people.
Each of them portrayed their dream job. Sooyoung was now a fierce Auror. There was a certain fire in her eyes as she casually draped an arm over a Yerim, who appeared to be the youngest Head of the Ministry of Magic. The Gryffindor girl sported the same mischievous smile and it seemed like she still retained her penchant for troublemaking. Seulgi clutched her latest edition Comet 2500 and posed elegantly like the famous Quidditch player that she is. Joohyun was staring at all of them fondly. A small contented smile graced her lips as she stood as the new Headmistress of Hogwarts. Meanwhile, Seungwan had the professional badge of a Mediwitch and cradled in her arms an award from St. Mungo's hospital for her tireless efforts in curing magical maladies.
There she was together with the people she held dearly to her heart, looking happy and contented, serving as pillars of support for each other and carrying with them an unbreakable bond formed by long years of friendship.
Everything she desired and all she had been dreaming about were right before her.
"What are you doing here?"
Seungwan jumped in surprise when she heard the familiar bone-chilling voice that could only belong to one person.
Joohyun.
Judging from the stern expression she was sporting, the Slytherin Prefect was in her no-nonsense mode and she didn't look quite happy catching Seungwan red handed. "Sneaking around the castle at night is forbidden." Her tone sounded accusatory and the Ravenclaw fought hard not to squirm under her intense gaze. If glares could kill, the blonde would be dead right now.
So much for not getting caught.
"Sorry." She offered a lame apology, suddenly finding her shoes very interesting. Oh look! There’s a drop of blood staining the laces! She really needed to get some bleach.
When Joohyun's left eye twitched in annoyance, it didn't take long for Seungwan to break like a dam and quickly spun a tale of how she got into this predicament. "I lost a bet to Sooyoung! I really didn't want to break the rules but Yerim threatened to jinx my broom and burn my books if I chickened out!"
Joohyun remained indifferent the whole time the blonde Ravenclaw pleaded her defense. Her gaze landed on the invisibility cloak that was discarded to the ground. The one she lent to Seungwan. “Is this why you borrowed my cloak? To use it for illicit purposes?”
“No! I mean- Yes!” Seungwan slapped her forehead. She was running out of excuses to tell. It seems like she can’t bullshit her way out of this situation. “I just wanted to find the Room of Requirement and Sooyoung said it can only be found at night.” The blonde sighed in defeat. Even she sounded crazy to herself.
“Didn’t anyone warn you not to play Sooyoung’s games? Anyone in their right minds wouldn’t fall for her tricks.” Joohyun furrowed her brows. How could anyone be that gullible?
“I know! I can be pretty stupid at times!” The Ravenclaw was ready to rip out her hair and throw herself out the window. There would be fewer stupid people in the world and she would be doing the universe a favor. She groaned and stared helplessly at her amused friend. It’s good to know that the Slytherin found entertainment in her misery. “Why do I always make bad life decisions?”
“Honestly? I also ask myself that question.” Then Joohyun noticed the blood gushing on Seungwan’s feet and rushed to her aid immediately. “What happened? Who did this to you?” She forced the blonde to sit down on the floor while she inspected the wounds. Thankfully, it wasn’t that deep and didn’t require a complicated healing spell for it to mend.
“It’s nothing really, just a scratch.” Seungwan tried to shrug it off but Joohyun remained persistent and vigilantly scanned her from head to toe to check if she’d been hurt anywhere else. Once the Prefect was certain that the blonde was relatively unharmed, except for her bloody feet, she proceeded to softly blow air upon the wound in an attempt to soothe the pain. Seungwan blinked twice. Her heart hammering against the cages of her ribs and she had difficulty swallowing the lump in her throat.
There was something about the way Joohyun tenderly cradled her injured leg and traced featherlight strokes on her skin. Her hands were gentle, reverent… cautious. It’s as if she was taking great care not to break Seungwan with her touch. Their gazes met and Seungwan somehow stopped breathing. Something shimmered in Joohyun’s eyes, a message held secret deep within her soul, and the young Ravenclaw couldn’t quite decipher it.
Without taking her stare off the injured girl, the Slytherin Prefect took out her wand and cast a healing spell. “Episkey.” Joohyun whispered under her breath, eyes transfixed on those soft lips, itching to get close…closer.
Seungwan could barely feel the wound closing nor the pain waning. Joohyun was looking at her intensely and she didn’t know how to handle it so she asked a rather dumb query. “Is there something on my face?”
That effectively broke Joohyun out of whatever trance she was in. The Slytherin girl cleared her throat and stood up. She helped the blonde girl to her feet but refused to meet her eyes so she looked everywhere until she gazed upon the ancient looking mirror. Her curiosity was piqued. "What's this?" Noticing the foreign language carved on its golden frame, Joohyun moved closer to examine it. She wondered aloud.
"Erised?"
"Okay, this might sound crazy but I have a theory. Hogwarts is a magical school whose mysteries are still left unsolved. This might be one of those mysteries. You do know that the school never runs out questionable objects." Seungwan voiced out her ideas and it didn't take long for her to start pacing. Her hands making wild gestures in the air as she tried to put into words the thousands of possibilities her brain concocted.
"I think this mirror shows the future." The Ravenclaw declared with such certainty and paused, eyes narrowing as millions of other thoughts swam into her head. "But how far into the future does it show? Maybe not too far." She shook her head and continued pacing.
The Slytherin Prefect stood back and watched the blonde mutter a thousand things per minute. It's like her mouth couldn't keep up with her brain so she compensates by rambling about nothing and everything at once. It was only during times like this that Joohyun would get a glimpse inside Seungwan's mind. The younger girl was usually insecure about being a chatterbox, always carefully watching her words and actions around people. If it were up to her, she'd listen to Seungwan all day. Her thoughts were like lyrics Joohyun would gladly spend her life composing into a song.
"What do you see?" Her internal musing was interrupted when the Ravenclaw stopped pacing and regarded her with an inquiry. Solving mysteries had always been Seungwan's obsession and the Prefect could tell that she was in her element. Joohyun could see it. The way the flames of curiosity burned in those brown orbs and the eagerness to discover the unknown transformed her, giving her an aura of confidence that rarely showed itself.
Seungwan was glowing and it took her breath away.
It took Joohyun a few moments to gather her thoughts. The effort to calm her pounding heart was futile for the blonde proved to be quite distracting so she focused all her attention to both their reflection in the mirror instead.
"I don't see anything." Joohyun furrowed her brows and regarded the blonde in confusion. What was so special about this mirror? It certainly didn’t look so magical to her. Maybe Seungwan was mistaken?
"Are you sure?" Seungwan was bewildered. If her theory was correct and this mirror showed the future then why couldn't Joohyun see anything? She gestured for Joohyun to try again since she was desperate to prove her point. “Can you please look again?”
Joohyun was unamused. It was pointless really. It was just a regular mirror. There was nothing magical about it. Why can’t the blonde Ravenclaw see that? She crossed her arms and glared hard at the reflections on the mirror, particularly at herself for always giving into Seungwan’s wishes. “Have you forgotten how mirrors work?” A minute has passed and she still found nothing in particular.
"I only see us."
The dejected look on Seungwan's features tugged at Joohyun’s heartstrings and the Slytherin Prefect volunteered to stare back into the useless mirror for an hour. Yes, Joohyun was a mess. She was a HUGE mess. She could barely make rational decisions when it came to Seungwan.
The blonde shook her head and declined the Prefect’s offer. "Maybe it's just my imagination."
Seungwan grabbed the abandoned invisibility cloak on the floor and dusted off the dirt before wrapping it snugly around Joohyun to keep her warm. Then she grabbed the raven-haired girl’s hand and guided her out of the room. Her mind running a thousand miles per minute, still trying to make sense of the mystery she witnessed.
Meanwhile, Slytherin girl kept glancing at their intertwined hands, wondering why their fingers fit so perfectly with each other and thinking about how she didn't want to let go.
Not now, not ever.
And deep down Joohyun knew, that she wouldn't mind being cold if it meant that Seungwan would always keep her warm.
***
Seungwan never did find the Room of Requirement and the following day, she had to face the music in the form of Sooyoung's offhanded Honestly? I'm even not surprised. I've heard rumors that the Room of Requirement only ever shows itself to people of worth and, no offense, you are not such person. What surprised me more was that you decided to go along with the dare. I was expecting you to back out since I knew that you could be a chicken at times.
Or Yerim’s cutting What the heck? You're the top of the class! The smartest witch of our age! Out of all the people, you had the best chances of finding it. But I guess we really do cannot have it all. Seungwan didn't know if she should be flattered by the fact that Gryffindor held her with such a high regard or be insulted at the insinuation that she was a failure.
Anyways, the blonde Ravenclaw retreated to the library to lick her wounds and pass the time by doing some light reading. She came across an interesting passage in the book that left her reeling with questions.
The Mirror of Erised
An ancient magical mirror made before the end of the nineteenth century by an unknown creator. It shows the deepest, most desperate desire of one's heart, a vision that has been known to drive men mad.
Below the paragraph was a portrait of a familiar ornate mirror. Seungwan squinted to examine it closer and gasped in shock. It was the exact same one she found last night; the same mirror that appeared in her dreams countless of times. There was no mistaking it. The foreign carvings along its golden frame were identical. She read the passage again and again and stared at the portrait until her vision blurred with images of the reflections she saw.
Joohyun being the Hogwarts Headmistress.
Seulgi became a Professional Quidditch player.
Her own self was a lauded Mediwitch.
Sooyoung training as an Auror.
And Yerim as the youngest Head of the Ministry of Magic.
It made sense now. The young Ravenclaw already putting together the pieces of the puzzle. Seungwan was close to solving everything but there was still one thing that remained a mystery to her.
How come Joohyun only saw them both?
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Forbidden Fruit Part 2 Teaser
A/N: here’s the teaser for part 2 of Forbidden Fruit! The book Y/N is reading from is “Lady Chatterly’s Lover” and it’s... spicy.
Warnings: 18+, Infidelity, Age Gap, No Keep Reading bc Mobile Sucks and I’m currently at LAX, also not edited or formatted bc again, I’m at LAX.
"Read to me, if you don't mind"
Brian's words are as soft and gentle as his eyes, making Y/N blush harder than she had the night before.
There was just something so intimate about the way he was sitting with her, arm loose around her shoulder, head nearly leaning against her's.
She couldn't help but let out a little laugh at his eagerness, her heart fluttering like the hummingbird that had been keeping her company all morning.
"Are you sure? You might find this kind of book a little boring."
She's teasing, knowing that the paragraph she was about to start reading was anything but boring.
His laugh mingles perfectly with the calls of a morning bird, making Y/N's blush deepen as he places a delicate kiss to her shoulder blade, voice warm and teasing when he speaks.
"If I'm not mistaken, this little book was banned for obscenity and indecency for 30 years darling..."
His lips are suddenly less sweet, harder, needier...
"So I sincerely doubt that this is going to be a boring read.."
He smirks into her neck, his own heart beating like a bat in a birdcage
"Besides... if it means I get to hear your voice, I could listen to you read a phone book Y/N."
The way he says her name, barely a whisper, more of a plea to hear her voice than anything else.
She blushes hard under his gaze and the feel of his lips on her skin, stammering a bit as she begins to read.
"His body was urgent against her, and she didn't have the heart anymore to fight..."
Her voice hitches in her throat, Brian's teeth had decided to make an appearance as she started to read.
"She saw his eyes, tense and brilliant, fierce, not loving. But her will had left her. A strange weight was on her limbs. She was giving way. She was giving up..."
Brian's hand inched its way from her knee upwards, grazing the delicate skin of her inner thigh.
"B-Brian, what are you..."
Y/N trails off, voice breathless, eyes glassy with arousal. It's not like she didn't want this, god did she want it, but they were on his back porch, and his wife and kids, including her goddamn best friend, could just waltz out at any fucking moment... and she was pretty positive that seeing his father with his hands up his best friend's skirt wouldn't have the most positive impact on Jimmy
Brian chuckles into her neck, his calloused fingers dangerously close to her naked core... fuck, she really should've worn panties.
"I'm going to make you regret what you did last night baby girl... making me cum twice in less than 10 minutes.. giving me your soiled panties to sniff like a dirty fucking slut..."
His voice is so calm, steady, and had it not been for the context of his words, Y/N would've thought that he was just asking what she wanted for breakfast.
"If you stop reading one more time, I'm not going to let you cum honey.. got it?"
For a threat, it was whispered awfully soft and kind, but Y/N understood perfectly and just nodded her head, chest heaving, legs spreading involuntarily.
Her voice is shaky as she continues to read.
"She had to lie down there under the boughs of the tree, like an animal, while he waited, standing there in his shirt and breeches, watching her with haunted eyes..."
Brian's fingers are extremely close to her dripping core now, gently running along the crease of her inner thigh. It takes everything in her body, every single ounce of self control and restraint in her body to keep her from ceasing her reading.
"He too had bared the front part of his body and she felt his naked flesh against her as he came into her. For a moment he was still inside her, turgid there and quivering. Then as he began to move, in the sudden helpless orgasm, there awoke in her new strange thrills rippling inside her."
Brian moans at the words that Y/N was reading, how soft and weak her voice was. Fuck, she was the epitome of an angel, a creature sent to earth to bring good will to man, and based on the way his cock was training against his shorts, begging to be touched by the soft skin of Y/N's hands.
"Rippling, rippling, rippling, like a flapping overlapping of soft flames, soft as feathers, running to points of brilliance, exquisite and melting her all molten inside. It was like bells rippling up and up to a culmination. She lay unconscious of the wild little cries she uttered at the last. But it was over too soon, too soon, and she could no longer force her own conclusion with her own activity."
Y/N squeezes her eyes shut right when Brian's fingers finally slip inside of her sopping wet cunt, the noise obscene and completely out of place against the soft morning glow that was cast against the two.
She keeps reading though, the threat of Brian not letting her cum prevalent and weighing heavily in the back of her mind.
"This was different, different. She could do nothing. She could no longer harden and grip for her own satisfaction upon him. She could only wait, wait and moan in spirit and she felt him withdrawing, withdrawing and contracting, coming to the terrible moment when he would slip out of her and be gone."
Brian can't help but let out a hard moan against Y/N's neck, sucking the area behind her ear as hard as he possibly could, almost as hard as her cunt was clenching down on his fingers. She felt like heaven on a Saturday morning, tight, wet, insanely hot, and unlike anything he'd ever experienced in his 51 years of living.
Her legs were completely spread wide, cunt on display for the whole world to see if they so pleased. Brian had to resist the insatiable urge to drop to his knees in front of the swing and suck the juices that were running down his hand straight from the source... but he knew he couldn't do that, he couldn't risk Anita or any of the kids running downstairs and seeing him eating Y/N's young right pussy.. no, he had to be smart, disciplined..
"Whilst all her womb was open and soft, and softly clamouring, like a sea anenome under the tide, clamouring for him to come in again and make fulfillment for her."
Much like Lady Chatterly herself, Y/N was close, so desperately close to cumming around Brian's fingers, her walls clenching him like a vice, desperate to be pushed over the precipice.
Yet, she never stopped reading, even when Brian's fingers sped up, free hand moving to grope her breast through her dress, and his teeth began to nip at her jugular, she persisted.
"She clung to him unconscious in passion, and he never quite slipped from her, and she felt the soft bud of him within her stirring, and strange rhythms flushing up into her with a strange rhythmic growing motion, swelling and swelling til it filled all her cleaving consciousness, and then began again the unspeakable motion that was not really motion, but pure deepening whirlpools of sensation swirling deeper and deeper through all her tissue and consciousness, til she was one perfect concentric fluid of feeling, and she lay there crying in unconscious inarticulate cri-"
She clenched tight around his fingers, book falling to the ground as her arms reached over involuntarily, wrapping themselves tight around Brian's shoulders, mouth wide no noise escaping her throat despite the obvious throws of pleasure she was experiencing.
She knew it was cliche, to say that she saw stars, that she felt her entire body constrict into itself... but she did, his fingers were still inside of her, pressing hard into her g-spot, prolonging her pleasure.
Brian's lips halted their harsh assault on the young woman's neck, instead opting to place gentle kisses to the area, not wanting to overstimulate her too much.
He couldn't remove his fingers from inside of her if he wanted to, her muscles still clenching him tight as her upper body went limp, her head dropping to his chest, mouth open and heaving heavy sighs against his exposed armpit.
"B-Brian.. I.."
Before she could even get a word in, the sound of pots and pans clanging together in the kitchen caused the two lovers to spring apart, Brian's fingers slipping from Y/N's cunt so fast it made her head spin.
By the grace of whatever deity was looking down on them, Y/N somehow managed to fix her skirt, grab the book, and look semi presentable by the time Emily darted out the door, wide smile on her face.
"Dad! Y/N! Anita wants to know what you want for breakfast."
They both breathed a sigh of relief that it was only Emily, because had it been any other member of the May family, the flushed faces, heaving chests, and general disheveled appearance of Y/N and Brian would've given them away.
Brian just smiles, hiding his glistening hand behind Y/N's shoulders.
"Whatever she's making would be lovely honey, just go tell her to make sure to cut Y/N up some of that cantaloupe we bought yesterday!"
Emily giggles and nods, running back inside to yell her father's words at his girlfriend.
Y/N lets out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding in as soon as the door closes, dropping her book back against the patio as Brian lets out a loud rumbling laugh.
She jolts at the sound before joining him, completely dumbfounded that what had just happened actually happened..
"Mr. May, I swear to god, we're going to get caught if you're not careful..."
Her eyes are wide, full of mischief and excitement.. she loved this, the whole forbidden nature of their relationship, or whatever they could call it.
The risk that they were taking was a big one, and the fear of getting caught was only making her want it more.
Brian just laughs, leaning over to place a chaste kiss on her lips, hands moving to cup her cheeks.
He winces a little when he realizes that his fingers are still wet with her cum, frantically pulling them away from her to try and wipe them on his shorts.
"Shit, I'm sorry love, you probably don't want that o-"
His words are cut short when Y/N reaches forward with lightning quick reflexes and grabs his wrist, pulling his soiled fingers into her mouth where she licks every single drop of herself from him, eyes never leaving his.
Brian almost cums right there, watching this beautiful young woman do something that he hadn't seen done in 30 years.
He lets out a little whimper, making the young woman smile when she grazes her teeth over the long digits as she moves to stand, her free hand reaching into Brian's shorts, squeezing his cock before turning her back and walking towards the patio door, pausing for a second to send him a teasing wink.
"Be a good boy today Mr. May..."
Tags: @meddows-taylors @toomuchlove-willkillyou @brianmayoucease @leah-halliwell92 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @mariekuuuuuh @unofficialbillnye @stephydearestxo @goodoldfashioned-rogerboy @danamaleksworld @dereones98 @glasgowkisschelseasmile @awkwardangelshezza @bellamy1998 @psychosupernatural @warren-lauren @womanwithahotdogstand @oujiacallme @simonedk @queen-see-ya-in-valhalla @sam-mercurry-sixx @toomuchtellyneck @asgardianvamp21 @crazylittlethingcalledobsession @amore-libre @marvelstuck @softboydeacon @a-queen-on-her-throne
#queen#brian may#bohemian rhapsody#brian may x reader#brian may imagine#brian may headcanon#brian may x you#1998 Brian May#my writing#forbidden fruit
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BakuDeku: Praise Kink
3 Series. 53 Works.
Izuku's Home for Wayward Pets by glamour_weeb
( E | 44,400+ | 10/? )
Izuku works at the Bureau of Companion Protection as a rehabilitator for abused and abandoned Companions, animal-human hybrids. He’s seen his fair share of cruelty cases and even fostered a few Companions, but he’s never had a Companion of his own, until now. After rescuing Katsuki from a life in an illegal, underground Companion fighting ring, Izuku must take in the wolfdog that no one else can handle.
Eventually, Katsuki comes to love his new home, as well as his new Master.
[Graphic Depictions of Violence | PTSD | Past Abuse]
As Fate Would Have It by ScientificallySinful (VampireGaaraCheesepuffs)
( E | 85,369 | 19/19 )
Katsuki Bakugo had plenty of reasons why he wasn't mated yet, not that he was going to explain why to just anyone. But now, Ground Zero was running out of time. If he didn't find someone soon, he'd lose his position as a Pro-Hero and he'd never get to be #1. So, when he finds out there's a male Omega recently arrested for prostitution that's headed to prison if he too doesn't get a mate…well it must be fate.
Izuku Midoriya doesn't know if he should laugh or cry when his childhood bully shows up in front of his jail cell asking him to be his mate. He also didn't know if it was good or bad that Kacchan didn't seem to recognize him, but fate hasn't been kind to him before so why should it start now?
COMPLETE
Series
Part 1 of As Fate Would Have It World
Part 1 of A/B/Ohhh ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
[Implied/Referenced Suicide | Past Abuse | Past Rape/Non-Con | Past Bullying | Implied/Referenced Dubious Consent]
A Trip Up No-Memory Lane by acernor
( E | 30,875 | 16/16 )
Midoriya loses his memory to a villain's quirk in senior year and re-meets his classmates for the first time. With 20x the confidence, he takes absolutely 0% of Bakugo's shit, and pushes back when Bakugo tries to push him around.
Bakugo likes it.
Uraraka/Asui is the side pairing.
Series
Part 1 of MidoBaku
[Series] The 'BD' in 'BDSM' is for BakuDeku by Skaii
( E | 34,771 | 2 Works | Abandoned )
In the process of rescuing a girl from a villain, Katsuki becomes afflicted by an aphrodisiac quirk. His pride refuses to let him be a victim. But for once, maybe Deku helping him won't be so bad...
In the wake of 'The Incident,' as Deku has taken to calling it, he and Katsuki are left to chart the unfamiliar waters of what they both want: a relationship. (A relationship that happens to involve a lot of kinky shenanigans.)
[Underage | Dissociation | Attempted Rape/Non-Con]
{ Curator’s Note: The attempted rape tag is followed by the tag “(But it’s not the main pairing and nothing really happens)” meaning it does not happen to Bakugou Katsuki or Midoriya Izuku nor are they the ones to make that attempt. }
Grief Counseling by Merrywetherweather
( E | 48,279 | 19/19 )
Katsuki remembered the first time he had failed to save someone, watched helplessly in horror as an elderly man had been crushed beneath the girth of a thrown car. He had already propelled himself forward to grab a small boy when he noticed, too late, the car fly by overhead. Two other heroes had been on the scene at the time and had assured him.
There was nothing that could have been done.
Most of class 1-A had already gone through a similar experience. The only one left with a clean track record in the rescue department had been Deku.
Well, except for today.
A slowburn fic where Kacchan tries to convince Deku to take advantage of the grief counseling provided for free to heroes experiencing their first failed rescues. Lots of flirting. Healing their relationship comes first. The romantic bit where they fall helplessly and stupidly in love comes after.
[PTSD | Panic Attacks]
bakugou katsuki becomes a power bottom by writedeku
( E | 3,496 | 1/1 )
It is hard to describe what Izuku is doing to him, the extent of which he’s being — it suddenly occurs to Katsuki when he belatedly realises his nose is buried into his crotch — he’s being used. Him! Bakugou Katsuki, on the track to becoming the best hero in Japan, is being used. He pulls off to catch his breath, tears brimming in his eyes, his throat hoarse —
[Mildly Dubious Consent]
Just Look At Me by Colourcubify
( E | 42,043 | 11/11 )
Midoriya is completely happy with his life. Nope, not one single regret in his twenty-seven years. He especially doesn't regret running into his old childhood friend/bully after almost ten years, nor does he regret spilling coffee all over his very expensive looking suit. How nice it will be to die with no regrets.
~~~~
AKA the sugar daddy AU I meant to be a one shot, that turned into a full fledged story.
Pure Morning by lalazee
( E | 1,680 | 1/1 )
Dreamy, morning sex.
Prompt fill for: Bakugou bottoming for the first time, with praise kink.
Sour Silk by BrightEyesEren
( E | 6,116 | 1/1 )
Midoriya Izuku starts to receive random gifts at his door. Chaos ensues when he realises he has a sugar daddy.
Unhealthy Fixations by Thesis
( E | 12,522 | 1/1 )
Izuku is an adult who knows better than to crush on his childhood bully. AND YET.
Chapter 31 of Kiwi's bkdk Kinktober Collection 2018 by SecretKiwi
( E | 2,711 | 1 out of 32 )
Warnings: Omorashi, wetting, dom/sub undertones, humiliation, praise kink
I honestly don't know a ton about this, so I guess I portrayed it in the way that makes the most sense to me! I hope I did it right!
Kind of a follow up to chapter 15 but not necessary to read (but why wouldn't you want to??)
cliff's edge by umbrage
( E | 3,061 | 1/1 )
Bakugou is sure there's a perfectly alpha-centric explanation to his deviancy.
Or maybe, there isn't, and that's okay, too.
Sick Like Animals by osakakitty
( E | 3,848 | 1/1 )
Whenever Katsuki Bakugo is struck by his seasonal heat, Izuku Midoriya agrees to help him until it ends. He takes Bakugo into his care, providing him with the stimulation he needs. One morning, after a night of light sex, Bakugo unfortunately finds his heat unquenched.
Fantasy AU in which Katsuki Bakugo is half-beast, and Izuku Midoriya is an alchemist in-training. They both have a mutual understanding and need and for each other. Sex ensues.
Devil in me by Acidiic
( E | 5,912 | 1/1 )
Izuku just wanted to have a nice time with his close friends.
Parties can get crazy, yeah, he knew that.
That’s why he tried to stick close to comfort.
Never would he imagined his night ending up
sobbing and moaning his best friend's name.
[Underage]
Blinding Brilliance by SecretKiwi
( E | 8,538 | 1/1 )
The fact that Katsuki could even think Izuku looked down on him was mind-blowing. Baffling. He’s only ever looked to Katsuki with stars in his eyes; with a wide-eyed fascination that could only be rivaled by All Might himself.
“Y-you thought of me that way…?” Izuku’s voice is soft, unsure, and honestly? Hurt. He couldn’t see how his constant commendation and devotion could ever be seen as something negative.
_
Deku and Kacchan work out their feelings towards each other, and Izuku proves to him that his admiration was always sincere.
My Canon compliant version of Kacchan v Deku 2 and the day after.
[Underage]
If you give me your hand, I'll surrender my heart by soulstring
( E | 5,254 | 1/1 )
“We could be fucking. I could be having the greatest sex ever but no! My husband is an idiot and now my dick is about to fall off. Why the fuck did I marry you?”
It’s a rhetorical question but Izuku still answers naively with a, “Because you love me?”
“For tax benefits!” Katsuki wails, raising his hands to the ceiling.
In which Izuku and Katsuki are no longer teenagers but still horny, in love, and a mess.
Series
Part 1 of weddings, receptions, and other plans gone awry
you're prettier with your mouth shut by capncapnk
( E | 3,614 | 1/1 )
He hates how sensitive he is, how he arches up into the touch, how nice it is for Deku to keep running his mouth with whatever sappy, syrupy bullshit comes to his mind, even if he’d rather die than admit he likes this vanilla shit Deku has to offer.
---
In which Deku has a thing for Bakugou's hands and Bakugou has a thing for nice words
crescent fever by umbrage
( E | 4,116 | 1/1 )
The night before a full moon, a werewolf’s inhibitions are at an all-time low.
It's Gonna Take A Superman To Sweep Me Off My Feet by minzie
( E | 6,608 | 1/1 )
Deku getting horny with his Ground Zero body pillow, but this time it's the real one - The Sequel
Series
Part 2 of Holding A Hero
Unbidden Praise by GreyLiliy
( T | 6,693 | 3/3 )
Izuku hadn’t been aware that unbidden praise from Kacchan would have such an effect on his composure, but after a compliment or two from Kacchan, he sure knows now! Izuku’s not sure his heart (or self control) can take it if Kacchan keeps being so nice.
Again? Again. by Unoutan
( E | 3,939 | 1/1 )
Bakugou sleep too early, more early than usual, so he has woken up too early as well. However, that is not his current problem. He's been up for an hour now and he's still not...satisfied. His boyfriend is the only one that can help him...at 4-something in the morning.
Prompt: Vitality
[Series] Only Comes Once a Year by DMMegsie
( E | 17,761+ | 2 Works | On Hiatus )
During their first year, with all the hectic events, birthday celebrations fell to the wayside. However, now in their second year, the class is trying to celebrate everyone's special date.... except for a certain explosive temper student.
Katsuki Bakugou didn't really celebrate his birthday through middle school and never told anyone when the date was.
It was only when some of the class realizes that Izuku Midoriya knows, that trouble starts brewing. It also brings the question to mind of: Why does Katsuki hate his birthday in the first place?
It has been two months.
School and the end of a term has really kept both Izuku and Katsuki apart with the exception for brief moments here and there in private.
With their budding relationship a secret, and Izuku's birthday on the horizon, it is only natural they'd want to take things further.
This is a sequel to the fic Birthday Secrets.
[Underage]
The Pocky Game by rekamohcs
( M | 4,981 | 1/1 )
As if Izuku didn’t have enough trouble keeping his intruding feelings for his unfairly attractive best friend at bay, Ochako had to go and teach him about the Pocky Game. Now here he was, his lips wrapped around one end of a chocolate stick, while Katsuki’s wrapped around the other, faces mere inches apart.
And they were both too stubborn to back down.
Izuku had a feeling he knew where this was headed.
(He made a mental note to remember to thank Ochako later.)
Your Rabbit by KingHugin
( E | 7,259 | 1/1 )
when Kacchan tells him to wear the costume, Izuku knows exactly whats going to happen.
I Got You, You Got Me by minzie
( E | 10,533 | 1/1 )
Deku didn’t want anyone to know this Katsuki, didn’t want to share him with anyone else. He held all these things he knew about him very, very dear, wrote them down in his neatest handwriting with little hearts surrounding them, in case he should ever forget them. He knew he wouldn’t, but that didn’t stop him. It made him feel a little more reassured, and, frankly, sometimes also a bit superior.
In which Deku and Katsuki once again realize how important they are to each other.
Be Good by Whinyskeleton
( E | 2,563 | 1/1 )
Katsuki was naked except for the leather collar on his neck and the ropes on his arms, binding them behind his back. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, Izuku between his legs, rubbing his hands up and down Katsuki's thighs reassuringly. His hands were warm, strong, confident. He slowly grabbed a bottle of oil off the bed and began rubbing it over Katsuki's chest while whispering into his ear.
"Are you going to be good for me today?"
Orange Lace by Devasta
( E | 1,205 | 1/1 )
He'd pressed it in with wet noises and his lips brushing Izuku's ear, promising a good, hard fuck if his kitten kept it in the entire time.
Katsuki definitely isn't a liar.
these things you tell me by kagome_angel
( E | 3,981 | 1/1 )
“You look really good like this,” Izuku murmurs, and the compliment makes him feel hot all over. “I should have convinced you to let me do this sooner, Kacchan.”
Izuku knows how to get what he wants, and he knows how to give Katsuki what he needs.
Class A Approves BakuDeku by AshidoMyBurritos
( E | 8,006 | 1/1 )
Thanks to Jirou, the BakuSquad and Class A realize just how perfect Midoriya is for Bakugou.
Heat Check by SecretKiwi
( E | 979 | 1/1 )
Deku thinks Bakugou's winter suit is a great modification!
[Underage]
Impatience by mynyaas
( E | 1,274 | 1/1 )
Deku needs to go to the bathroom when Bakugou decides to get in the way and things get kinky
[Underage]
Penché by QueerPinoy
( E | 1,133 | 1/1 )
Midoriya is supposed to look delicate. The long arch of his back leading into slim legs and pointed toes is supposed to be elegant.
To Bakugou, it’s sexy.
From the darkness of the audience seats, he feels no shame staring blatantly as his ass, the bulge of his dick in his leotard, watches how high his leg can go and oh god, he wants him. He wants to devour the unblemished curve of his neck, break down everything that is graceful about him. He wants to fuck the angel right out of him.
Series
Part 7 of bakubowl
[Series] Praise Me by DanaEliza
( E | 12,873 | 3 Works | WIP )
“Do you think I’m good, Deku?”
“Good at what?” Izuku replied confused, but Katsuki just stared at him, waiting on an answer. “Yeah, I think you’re good."
Aka Bakugo liked to be praised, and Midoriya likes to please...
“Can’t get enough of me, can you?”
“I can’t help it,” Izuku whispered. “I think you got me addicted.”
...
Aka Midoriya is really craving Bakugo, and knows just what to say to get what he wants. Continuation on "You Are The Best"
“What the hell was your idea with the mirror anyway?”
“I just thought you would love to see how strong you look when you bend me over and take me from behind.”
Aka Izuku thinks he has found the perfect thing to add to their sex life, but it doesn't work out the way he had expected it would.
[Underage]
Day of the Dead by JunNoAce
( E | 10,676 | 1/1 )
There was no worse feeling than believing that you were to weak to protect the person you held most precious to you and living out your life without them.
Imagine Bakugou Katsuki's shock when he finds his Deku again half a century after his murder jumping into his arms.
.... It's a romantic tragedy with porn. Lol!
[Graphic Depictions of Violence | Major Character Death]
you have nothing to hide from me by QueerPinoy
( E | 2,582 | 1/1 )
Midoriya Izuku is ashamed of who he is. Who… they are? Who she is? He’s still not sure but he sure as hell doesn’t want to think about it right now. He pushes his femininity away like it’s a shameful thing, something to stay hidden, keep to himself. Sometimes he slips, lets a gesture through. Once he even painted his nails and kept them on for a whole day -- black, an acceptable nail color for a boy going through his teenage angst. But this, the Izuku, he saw looking at himself in the dress he had mail-ordered, is his secret. The dress doesn’t quit him quite right -- it drapes where it should be tight, falls too low on his torso, but it’s still precious and he still grins a stilted smile when he looks at himself in the mirror. No one would ever know about this dress. No one would ever know how he felt.
Bakugou Katsuki is the opposite. He could probably be stealth if he wasn’t so bombastic about who he is. He doesn’t even whisper it, doesn’t just tell his friends -- he yells it out. “How the fuck am I more of a fuckin’ man than you?” “I’ve got more balls than you without even fucking having any!” He never bothers hiding. He has no shame. Izuku yearns to know what that’s like.
Series
Part 3 of bakubowl
the tides by LordExplodo-Angst (QueerPinoy)
( E | 13,052 | 7/7 )
It would probably take Midoriya days to list the things he admired about Bakugou. His definition of victory, one of the greatest hero proteges he’d ever heard of, a glorious talent on the battlefield, of course. Beyond the public reasons, which everyone at Yuuei acknowledged, however reluctantly, Midoriya also loved the smaller things about Bakugou -- the tender way he smoothed his hands over his bed after it was made, the internal pep-talk he gave himself every morning in the mirror as he checked himself from all angles, the quiet, strained look he made when he actually managed to stop himself from speaking out of turn. Midoriya loved Bakugou’s diligence, his confidence, his self-assuredness.
He yearned the latter.
----
Midoriya yearns for the self-confidence Bakugou has with his body, his gender, and Bakugou is trying, trying to help him.
[Transphobic Language | Homophobic Language | Panic Attacks | Mentions of Past Suicide Attempt]
Demanded Praise by GreyLiliy
( E | 5,793 | 1/1 )
Since his debut as a Pro Hero, Izuku receives praise from almost everyone he meets. His mentor, his mother, his friends, and his fans all hold nothing back when they tell Izuku how far he’s come and how much he’s done for the world as a Hero.
But there’s only one person Izuku wants to hear praise from at night and dragging it out of that man’s lips takes some work (but it’s always worth it).
[Mildly Dubious Consent]
[On Hiatus] Gifted with a Curse by JunNoAce
( E | 29,731+ | 5/? )
Updated to Explicit for future chapters. There will be sex and some possible deaths and possible trolling to readers. Main ship is KatsuDeku, some others may be present.
~~~~~~~~
19 year old Izuku and his mother moves in a new village in the country side.
Izuku has the strange hobby of studying and learning about the mysteries behind magic, curses, and so on.
He meets Shoto a traveler who seems to have been on many adventures. Izuku is very curious about what stories the boy may have to tell but feels embarrassed by how nice the other treats him.
One day his mother leaves to visit a shop in their old town and doesn't make it back home on time. Izuku worried goes to search for her and comes across an old castle.
Here is where he meets him, a cursed Lord Katsuki filled with rage and with the appearance of a beast.
Equals by shotodoki
( E | 3,878 | 1/1 )
While on house arrest for fighting after the provisional hero license exam, Bakugo gives a strange request to Midoriya.
[Underage]
Give Me Strength by CounterKnight291543
( E | 2,230 | 1/1 )
Seeing how much Midoriya has grown is making Bakugo feel weak. Thankfully, his childhood friend is on hand to change that.
Inspired by the amazing work of @reallycorking, god bless you and your art :3
A BakuDeku smut one-shot. Enjoy!
A Hero Awakens by Love_Ignition
( E | 34,022+ | 6/? )
Katsuki's entire life up until this point had basically been a lie. He'd learned to be a master of deception, never letting anyone get too close, never letting anyone know his true self. Everything had been focused on one goal, graduating from high school and finally becoming the number one hero he knew he was destined to be. But his future was balanced on a knife's edge, thanks to the one person who always managed to find a way to get under his skin. He was the itch Katsuki just couldn't scratch, and no matter how hard he tried to deny it, Deku was always on his mind.
Don't want the world to see me by undertake_r
( M | 4,167+ | 2/? )
Katsuki doesn’t really think of himself as a good person. He never has, he knows he isn’t.
He supposes this was just karma coming back to bite him in the ass.
His dull red eyes stare up at the grey sky, blurry with the rain falling from the clouds above as it mingles with the blood from his weeping shoulder and probably broken nose.
The dull throb from the slice in his arm felt warm as his natural healing closed the wound slower than normal.
He’s going to have to use his last packet of blood on this bullshit. Fuck.
[Graphic Depictions of Violence]
At Midnight by Emikumaa
( E | 4,281 | 1/1 )
Bakugou's finally come to terms with what he wants in life, after two years of running from his problems he's going to face them tonight. As the clock counts down to midnight, he seizes his chance and confesses to Midoriya.
Dear Santa, I Can Explain... by greatcloudninja
( E | 2,070 | 1/1 )
Izuku agrees to cover for a co-worker for the agency's annual Christmas tradition of visiting the children's hospital, but things don't go as expected when the costume isn't exactly what Izuku had in mind...
Vietnamese translation available! https://bakudekuvn.home.blog/2018/12/25/fanfic-dich-ma-gui-ong-gia-noel-tui-co-the-giai-thich-greatcloudninja/
oh, kuso! by dolldeku
( E | 619 | 1/1 )
never give your mother a key to your apartment.
Dinner is Served by GreyDayMoon
( E | 2,173 | 1/1 )
Izuku comes home late from a day of hero work to find Katsuki already making dinner. He's tired, but seeing Katsuki there makes him renewed with energy and boldness. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) lol
Series
Part 2 of Married Pros: Broccoli and Dandelion
With Passion by TheQueen
( E | 3,142 | 1/1 )
Both as kids and as teens mending a broken friendship, Katsuki had a hard time accepting Deku's sincerity. It was hard to accept the fact that every compliment and awe-inspired rant that fell so easily from Deku's lips was entirely genuine. It isn’t until they start dating and, even later, when they started experimenting in the bedroom that Katsuki begins to believe that Deku does not say things lightly. Only then does Katsuki start to believe in Deku's love.
Two Guys and Lots of Fries by hottamale
( E | 3,101 | 1/1 )
“Ten Guys! I wanna go to Ten Guys; they have the best french fries,” he smiled while looking at Katsuki expectantly.
Katsuki frowned. “We just passed it though.”
“So turn around.”
“And waste my gas? Shits expensive Deku.”
Izuku breathed in, held his breath for a moment, and let it back out. He put a hand on Katsuki’s bicep and blinked up at him, bottom lip jutting out into a pout. “Please? I’ll make it up to you.”
Series
Part 24 of It's a Concept
Look at me, I'm begging for more by Yunael
( E | 2,081 | 1/1 )
INKTOBER 2018
JOUR 2 - SUPPLICATIONS
« S-s’il te plaît… S’il te plaît, Kacchan… J’en ai besoin… J’ai besoin d’aide…
- Et pourquoi je devrais t’aider ?
- Parce que… Il n’y a que toi qui sois en mesure de me faire me sentir aussi bien… »
Series
Part 2 of Inktober 2018
#BakuDeku#KatsuDeku#BNHA#bkdkfl masterlist#masterlist#w:violence#t:ptsd#t:pa#t:s#w:rape#t:bullying#t:dubcon#t:dissociation#t:panic#w:underage#w:mcd#t:transphobia#t:homophobia#r:explicit#g:smut#curator ellie
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Madness | Chpt. 18
Chapter Title: “Mother”
Pairing: Loki x Original Female Character (Eva)
Word Count: 11,193
Warnings: angst (what’s new?), mentions of child abuse, cute and pure Tony Stark
Name Pronunciations: Hjalmar: “He-all-mar” | Aaldir: “All-deer” | Ephinea: “Eh-fin-ee-uh”
Summary: When Eva is faced with two difficult goodbye’s, she makes a choice that could be detrimental to her future.
A/N: Mere hours later, here’s another chapter. Who am I? I reached a very special follower milestone: 777, which has a very significant meaning in my life. I’ve stated previously that I’ve taken creative liberties with these characters, and I’m doing it once again. I have “borrowed” dialogue from Iron Man 3 to use in these chapters just to make them fit in with the sequence of events from the movie. The love that people are giving this fic on tumblr, fanfiction.net, and AO3 is absolutely insane, and it’s only going to pick up more in the coming chapters. Once again, thank you all so, so, so much, and I hope you enjoy this installment <3
Tagged: @teddyboobear @alledeglyfunny @xletmetaste-yoursmilex @itsknife2meetu @mynameisyara @j-j-ehlby-writes @jillilama-blog (anyone who wants to be tagged can message me and ask. It’s not a problem at all)
Spectacular thanks to: @j-j-ehlby-writes for being so interactive with this fic <3
Immediately after my conversation with Tony was over, Harley’s worried eyes left me with a strong anguish because I couldn’t tell him that there was nothing to fear. He could see right through me. All I could do was spend as much time with him as possible while time was still on our side. Before I could speak, he grasped my hand in his and pulled me toward the door of the shack. I followed along, walking by his side as every step he took was more and more solemn than the last, almost as if he wanted to stretch out every moment just to have more time together. I was trying to as well. We walked to the door of his house, and he looked up at me, hope in those blue eyes, “you’re inviting me into your home?” I asked, cocking my head to the side. There had been a reason why I didn’t trespass within the walls of that place, and it was because I needed to remain hidden from his mother.
He shook his head, “this isn’t my home,” he answered, causing me to furrow my eyebrows in confusion. I didn’t understand why he lived there if it didn’t belong to him. Tears flooded his vision as he gazed up at me, “you are,” he stated simply, as if he was discussing the weather. It was the nonchalant nature of it that made it even more touching than I had anticipated. It mimicked his words from when I woke up after my vision of my father and caused me the same joy and warmth as if did that night. He cracked open the door to reveal a clean yet broken abode. There were fist-sized holes in the wall, and the place smelled of Midgardian ale...beer. The house was small but seemed like a prison of sorts. There was no warmth or happiness that I felt when I stepped over the threshold, which hadn’t been the case with many homes. This one was filled with grief and sadness-fear.
The vibrations began once again, deep in my chest. It felt like a small rumble, and I could sense the connection this time. Like I had connected with Harley, it was only fitting that I had the same connection with Kaia. I didn’t plan for it, but it made sense as the vibrations became even stronger. Just as Harley closed the door behind me, the hinges causing the door to creak slightly, a small girl poked her head out of one of the rooms down the hall. Little blonde curls framed her face, and doe eyes that mimicked the color of the brightest sky seemed to glimmer with joy at the sight of her brother. A crooked smile made its home on her face before her eyes found mine. Upon seeing me, her eyes widened in clear disbelief. Her smile fell, and her lips parted slightly as she took in the sight of me. I cocked my head to the side, “hello, Kaia. I’ve heard a lot about you,” I spoke as gently as possible, not wanting to startle her.
Her eyes brightened once more, the brightest star not even holding a candle to their brilliance. The smile returned to her face, only it was bigger that time. Her mouth hung open slightly as if she wished to speak but couldn’t find the words, “Mommy!” she squealed, the name catching me off guard. She pranced out of the room and hurried over to me, throwing her little body into my own. Her arms wrapped tightly around the top of my legs as she buried her face into my waist in an unexpected embrace. I furrowed my eyebrows, trying to piece together the reasoning behind her name for me. Before I had the chance to decipher it, she continued speaking, pulling away just enough to look up at me, “you’re the lady I see in my dreams! I knew you would come save us!”
I glanced down at Harley as she buried her face back into my waist, looking for some sort of explanation, “she saw you on the TV during the New York incident, and she took to the nickname quicker than anyone else. She used to tell me that you’d come and save us, but I never believed her until you showed up that night,” he explained, lowering his eyes to his sister who continued to cling to me. Warmth spread through me and a smile made its home on my lips. I pulled her away delicately to allow me the space to kneel down to her level. As our eyes connected, like the beautiful meeting between the land and the sky, Harley spoke, “Kaia, this is Eva. She’s here to help a friend,” he explained.
Kaia leaned toward me and reached up, resting the palm of one of her tiny hands against my face with such tenderness that I thought I would melt. She tilted her head, a look of wonder clear in her eyes. It was the same look that she had when she looked at me for the first time, a look that never went away. Kaia’s eyes were filled with an understanding, almost like we’d known each other since the beginning of time. Our souls knew one another; we were born of the same star. She nodded her head, little golden curls bouncing around her shoulders, “I know who you are,” she murmured before wrapping her arms around my neck.
I rested my chin in the crook of her neck, trying to repress the wild emotions that were threatening to surface. This was something I was familiar with. This wasn’t a new feeling. I had felt it, and it had been lost to the universe. I was terrified of feeling it again, of losing it again. Still, no matter how afraid I was, I couldn’t deny my profound connection to those two children. I let out a shaky breath, and in doing so, the tension within me released. I let myself feel that complete, pure, unhindered love of a child. Suddenly, the love Harley had shown me began to sink in. Harley and Kaia both looked at me the same way the children of the orphanage looked at me in New York. They looked at me with hope, but this time, I wouldn’t fail. I couldn’t. I smiled through the tears, nodding my head in recognition of her words, “I think I know you, too, Kaia,” I whispered, knowing that if I tried to speak normally, my voice would crack, creating a fracture in the dam that held back my ever-growing emotions.
With her arms still locked around my neck, I stood up, pulling her fragile and light little body up with mine. Even if I had been human, she still would’ve been light as a feather. I maneuvered her so that she was attached to my side, my arm keeping her secure to me. She molded into my side like she was meant to be there, like we were two pieces of a puzzle that fit together perfectly. It was the same feeling I had when Loki held me, or when I held Harley. It was the same feeling I had whenever my father held me, or whenever I held her. I had experienced the same puzzle-piece phenomenon with each of the most important people in my life, but I’d also experienced it with Ezra. I shook the thought from my head as the house began to grow warmer, and there was a feeling of peace and joy-a feeling of home.
I glanced down at Harley to see that his eyes were locked onto me, watching my every move with his sister. It wasn’t in an untrusting kind of way, but he was just observing my gentle nature with Kaia, almost as if he’d not witnessed anyone treat her like a little princess. Harley’s eyes disconnected from mine as he covered his mouth to yawn, his body becoming weak with exhaustion. I reached down and ran my free hand through his hair, “I think it might be time for bed,” I murmured, tucking some of the more unruly strands of hair behind his ear.
He nodded his head, “I have to tuck Kaia in first, though,” he explained, letting me step into his world for a moment, “I’m gonna go get her bed ready really quick,” he added, heading toward the hallway that Kaia had run down only a few moments prior.
Before he could make it too far away from me, I reached out and grabbed his hand with the free one I had used to stroke his hair out of his face, hence stopping him in his tracks. He turned back around to face me, and I moved my hand to rest on his shoulder, “we’ve both been through a lot tonight, more than you should ever have to go through in your life. Go get yourself cleaned up, and then I’ll tuck you both in for the night,” I instructed, watching as he processed my words. behind those sad eyes. They flickered away from me, and I could see-clear as day-that he wasn’t used to being taken cared for. I reached up and cupped his cheek, turning his attention back to me, “Harley, let me take care of you two tonight,” I urged, wanting to reassure him that he could trust me. He seemed so different within the walls of the house than he was anywhere else. This place seemed to bring him pain, unwanted memories, and a guarded attitude.
After a long moment of searching my eyes to find any traces of dishonesty of malintent, he agreed to the terms, finding only my genuine care for them. He gave a slight nod and turned on his heel to retire to the washroom and get cleaned up. In his absence, I glanced around the rather vacant looking house. It seemed both too lived in and not lived in at all. There were no pictures of the children to be found, but there were a plethora of beer bottles that the house seemed smaller because of the clutter. Aside from the random holes in the walls, they were completely bare. Newspapers covered almost all the windows, but there was one that had a piece of plastic covering a hole in it.
The house was unlike any I’d ever been in on Midgard, and it was certainly not one I could envision small children residing in. I found my way over to a couch that was covered in holes and stains, and even though I didn’t want to sit down, I wanted to talk with Kaia, a feat I couldn’t accomplish with her attached to my hip. I maneuvered her body so that I held her against my chest, her body applying pressure against the wound on my abdomen. I fought through the pain, knowing that my only other option was to drop her, and I refused to do that. When I lowered myself onto the couch, she slid her body back to be situated right in front of my knees. Her blue eyes met mine once more, and that smile tugged at her lips, “was it scary in New York?” she asked, innocently.
I was taken aback by her question for a moment, surprised that she would be asking something like that. It wasn’t the topic of conversations I had with anyone, but I also hadn’t been to Midgard since I forfeited my happiness and my life. I nodded my head in response to her question, “it was really scary,” I answered.
Her eyes grew with surprise, “how did you do it if you were scared?” she asked, cocking her head to the side.
“Are you scared of anything?” I asked, wanting to explain it in a way that she would understand. She nodded her head, “what are you afraid of?” I continued, knowing that I could simplify my willingness to face my fears if I could make it somehow relatable to her. She was silent for a long moment. Her hands came to rest in her lap, and I watched as she wrung them together, her eyes disconnecting from mine and focusing on each movement her hands made. A sadness-a fear-creeped up within her, and I could feel it as if it were my own. She looked as if she were debating on whether or not to answer me. I shook my head, “it’s okay, little bird. If you don’t want to talk about-”
She cut me off, her little voice like a knife in my heart, “mommy...I’m afraid of mommy,” she answered, tears brimming her eyes.
I furrowed my eyebrows, trying to process the meaning of her words. I watched time and time again how close a child was to their mother, and to hear Kaia tell me that she wasn’t only not close to her mother but afraid of the woman who gave her life...it upset me. I knew that something serious must’ve been at play for her to have so much pain in her innocent blue eyes, eyes that had clearly seen far more of the world than what was fair. I raised my hand beneath her chin and tilted her head up so that she was looking at me. Each move I made was purposeful, careful, and gentle. Our eyes met once more, and I stumbled over my question to her, “what...what does she do?” I asked, knowing that I had to tread lightly. Tony had mentioned something about Harley’s mannerisms, how they reminded him of how he acted with his father as a child, and I could sense that he was unhappy. However, I didn’t want to believe that they were mistreated, that any parent could harbor such resentment for their own children.
Her bottom lip quivered, and my heart shattered in that very moment. Tears brimmed her doe eyes, causing the sorrow to grow within me. She drew a shaky breath, “mommy hurts us,” she answered, uttering the most upsetting words I could’ve imagined. As soon as she answered my question, it all began to make sense, but it was something that I wished I never had to make sense of in the first place.
Before I dared to process my anger and sorrow on the matter, I knew that I needed to focus all of my energy on her. I rested my open palm against her cheek, and she leaned into my touch, just as I had done with her, “oh, my sweet little bird, I didn’t mean to upset you,” I apologized as the first tear streamed down her cheek. She crawled up to my lap and nestled her body against mine once more, melting into my arms as she trembled with unchecked emotion. It was clear that it had been a while since she allowed herself to cry, and I would offer her my embrace. I’d shoulder the weight of the world for her from that day on.
To think that someone could bring themselves to hurt their children, to bring pain and suffering upon their babies...it made my heart ache for humanity. I knew how beautiful humanity could be, but I wasn’t blind to the vile, disturbing, dregs of society. I swore an oath to protect all of humanity, but when people committed those unforgivable crimes, they forfeited their humanity and became my enemy. Holding Kaia in my arms made me understand why they took to me so quickly, why Harley put every ounce of faith and trust in me from the night we met. I was safe. They knew I was someone who wasn’t going to hurt them, and they latched onto me and wouldn’t let go.
I held Kaia for what seemed like only a second but what had truly been enough time for Harley to finish his shower and wander into the bedroom to find pajamas. I held her the way she deserved to be held, like she was a porcelain doll, like she was being protected and loved. She would grow up to be strong and resilient, but every child needed to feel safe, protected, loved, and cherished. It was something she had gone without for too long, and I tried to give it all to her in that one long embrace. Kaia sniffled and began speaking, “are you going to stay forever?” she asked, “in my dream, you said that you’d save Harley and me, and you said we’d be together forever,” she added, explaining the reasoning behind her question.
My heart thudded in my chest as I thought of my upcoming adventure with Tony, knowing that it could very well be the final time I saw either of them. My body was becoming weaker and weaker by the minute, so my hope was dwindling. However, I couldn’t bring myself to tell Kaia that the chances of me returning to them were slim. Instead, I answered her question with a question of my own, knowing that I needed her to understand what I was about to do, “do you know what I was doing in New York?” I asked, rubbing her back.
She nodded her head, her eyes connecting with mine, “you were fighting the bad guys.”
“That’s right!” I exclaimed, a smile spreading across my face. It was a step closer to what I needed her to understand, “those weren’t the only bad guys around, though. There are other bad guys, and I need to make sure they don’t hurt the good people-the innocent people. In order to do that, I have to go away for a little while, but when it’s over, I’m going to come back here and make sure you and Harley are safe, okay?”
She nodded her head once more, offering me a lopsided grin, which caused my heart to fill with warmth. She understood what I meant to an extent, but she couldn’t possibly understand the serious nature of what I was going away to do; if I were honest with myself, I didn’t want her to understand it. The heart and mind of a child should be filled with hope and wonder, and if I made it back to them, I would restore that in both her and Harley. She gazed up at me, “can you take us with you?” she asked, innocently. When I tuned in to hear her heart, I discovered that her question was born in fear that I wouldn’t return like I said. While she placed faith and trust in me after only a short time of knowing me, she was still cautious. They had been hurt before, and she wanted to minimize the risk.
Before I had to break Kaia’s heart by telling her that I couldn’t bring them with me, Harley retreated from the bedroom with his pajamas on, pulling Kaia’s attention away from our conversation. Harley was dressed in an oversized grey t-shirt and plaid pajama pants that had small holes in them. He didn’t look fazed by it, but I was. His hair was still wet, matted down against his head. Small droplets cascaded from the strands of hair and fell onto his shoulders in a rhythm; two on his left shoulder, one on his right, one on his left shoulder, two on his right. It was a continuous pattern that I had to focus on so that I didn’t burst into tears at their mistreatment. The same lopsided grin he’d given to me time and time again tugged at his lips, and he brushed his hair to the side, successfully breaking the pattern and my concentration on it. I turned my attention to Kaia, patting her gently on the back, “how about you go get some pajamas on and grab a hair brush and some ties?” I suggested, casting a smile down at her.
She nodded her head, a small yawn slipping from her lips. She climbed off of my lap and made her way into the bedroom Harley had just retreated from. I rose from the couch and closed the space between us, maintaining steady eye contact, “if you want, I can help you dry and brush your hair,” I remarked, and he gave a slight nod before retreating to the washroom once more, returning after only a moment with a towel and brush in his hand. He handed them over to me, and I proceeded to dry his hair with the towel, allowing it to soak up as much moisture as possible. Once it was as dry as it was going to get with no more droplets of water creating a steady rhythm, I combed through his damp locks.
The silence between us was only broken when a knock sounded at the door, causing Harley to jump in anxiousness. I rested a hand on his shoulder, calming his nerves, “it’s just Tony,” I explained, feeling those familiar vibrations whenever he was close. It was a release of some sort when he was close, when any of my people were close. I glanced over at the door, “come in,” I beckoned right before the door propped open just enough for Tony to enter the house that I was trying to make a home before I left. He glanced down at my hands to take in what I was doing, which gave life to a beautiful, heart-warming smile in the midst of the chaos. I pulled the brush through Harley’s hair for the last time before patting him on the shoulder to gain his attention. When he turned around, I ran a hand through his-now tame-hair, “head into the room and get into bed. I’ll be in there in a minute,” I urged, my voice soft to keep the atmosphere calm.
He nodded his head, flashing me a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes before he retreated into the bedroom that Kaia had disappeared to. A wall of emotion hit me as it began to sink in that the coming moments could be the very last ones I’d have with them. It was like the pain I felt on the day of my greatest failure. Loving her was my greatest weakness...leaving her was my greatest failure. The words were familiar, too familiar, ones that had once been uttered about me. My hand flew up to my mouth as I stared down the hallway to the room where I’d be forced to say goodbye to the two children who needed me, two children who deserved the world, two little souls that formed together with mine. The tips of my fingers were pressed against my lips to hold back the sobs that were determined to escape.
Tears clouded my vision, but I held them back until they overflowed and cascaded down my cheeks. I thanked every supreme being for granting me the strength to hold back my sorrow until Harley and Kaia were out of the room. As soon as the first tremble occurred, threatening to tear me apart, Tony’s strong arms wrapped around me, pulling me into his warm, comforting embrace. He knew what this was doing to me, what leaving people did to me. He saw it happen once before, so he knew what was coming. He held me the same way he did that day, the day of my greatest failure, “tell me what you need from me, Eva. Don’t try to shoulder this all on your own,” he whispered into my hair as he held me.
I threw my arms around him, desperately needing someone to hold onto, someone to act as my rock when my life was crashing down around me. Tony had been there the first time, and he was present this time, ready to support me again, “I need more time,” I murmured, my voice cracking against the tears as he held me. I just needed to know, without the shadow of a doubt, that Harley and Kaia would be safe, and I couldn’t know that for certain until I came back to them...if I came back to them. Every scenario ran through my mind, and there were only a handful of fulfilling ones amongst the thousands of negative ones.
Tony’s hand stroked through my hair, and he pulled away from the embrace. Before I could reach up to wipe my tears away, Tony’s fingertips guided them from my cheeks just as I had done to him as a child. He offered me a supportive, hopeful smile, “you have nothing to worry about, Eva, okay? You’re going to make it back from this. I’ve seen what Asgardians are capable of, and I’ve seen what you are capable of,” he remarked, grasping my shoulder, “if you think-even for a moment-that you could be bested, I’d tell you that you clearly haven’t been paying attention. I saw what you did with the water, and Harley told me about what you did to protect him. I didn’t know-”
I cut him off, “I didn’t know, either” I whispered, remembering the events of the previous night, the power I felt. Still, I couldn’t rely on it because I didn’t even know how to summon that power, how to control it to work for me. I didn’t even know if I could do it again, or if it was a freak accident, “all I know is that they need someone, and I want to be that someone for them. You remember what I told her when I brought her to you, don’t you?”
He nodded his head, remembering the day he saw my life fall apart. It was like New York didn’t tear me apart enough. He nodded his head, “you said that...loving her was your greatest weakness, and leaving her was your greatest failure,” he recalled, his voice remaining calm as not to rouse those familiar feelings within me. He knew how scarcely I spoke of her, and he saw how falsely disinterested I was in hearing anything about her when I arrived, so he moved through his words carefully.
I nodded my head, a chill running through me at the sound of those words once more, “I can’t fail anyone else, Tony,” I explained, “not the way I failed her.”
“You never failed her, and you won’t fail me or these kids,” he reassured me, reaching up to cup my cheek, his palm resting against my face. His hand was warm, loving...familiar, “I trust you with my life, Eva. I trust you more than I’ve ever trusted another person, and I trust you even when I feel I can’t trust anyone. You know what to do, but I just don’t think you want to admit it. I know you well enough by now to know that you’ll do what’s best, that you’re going to protect these children no matter what the cost,” he explained, closing every bit of space that sat between the two of us. His eyes locked with mine, “you know what to do, but you need to trust yourself. Trust yourself the way I trust you.”
Deep down, I knew what I wanted to do, what would be best for them, but I couldn’t trust myself to make that decision anymore. I couldn’t trust myself with the lives of others after I saw what happened the last time. I didn’t want to make the decisions anymore. Perhaps, the best thing for them would be a life without me, just like it was best for her. If I had spoken those words to Tony, he would’ve shut them down before they even made it out of my mouth, but I couldn’t help but think that my presence would only leave them damaged, broken, disappointed.
Understanding that I had only a handful of options, I pulled away from Tony, wanting to spend every second I had with Harley and Kaia before I had to leave. I walked down the hallway, stepping quietly into the bedroom to see Harley sitting on Kaia’s bedside, tears clear in his blue eyes. When I entered the room, their eyes flickered over to me, and I offered them a gentle smile. As I entered their room, Harley stood from Kaia’s bed and got into his own that was parallel to hers, and I took the spot he had once been sitting in. I reached up, brushing her hair back with my hand to get the wild strands out of her face, and I began to remember the countless times Frigga had done so with me when I was a child. She would often sit at my bedside and stroke my hair back until I fell asleep, and I was planning on doing the same for Kaia, “when are you coming back?” she asked with sorrow in her eyes.
I could practically hear the subtle cracks forming in her heart, the heart I so desperately wanted to protect, “soon,” I answered simply, not wanting to dump my fears onto her. I couldn’t tell her that I wasn’t sure if I would return at all because it wasn’t her responsibility to shoulder that fear. She was still so innocent even after all she had been through, and I would foster that innocence until I was dragged to Death herself and forced to forfeit my life.
Kaia shook her head, almost as if she was refusing to hear my response, almost as if she didn’t want me to be away from her for even a second, “I don’t want to be scared anymore,” she trembled.
The palm of my hand cupped her cheek, and I knew what my job was in that very moment. If I had to leave her with the possibility of never returning, I needed to teach her one of the most valuable lessons I’d ever learned, the lesson that made me overcome even some of the most difficult challenges of my life. I adjusted myself on the bed. My right leg was tucked underneath me while my left one hung off the side of the bed. I grasped one of her little hands in my own and held it with a firm, optimistic grasp. My eyes locked with hers, “do you know what fear gives life to?” I asked, and she shook her head, “bravery,” I answered my own question to her.
Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, and I remembered a time when my father spoke the same words to me, a time when I spoke those words to someone else…
Her.
As I recalled my father's words, I repeated them to Kaia, “the wisest man I’ve ever known, my father, told me that fear works in tandem with bravery. You cannot be brave if you are not first afraid. The bravest people you know became brave because they faced their fears and came out above them,” I explained before digging into my personal experience from her question when we were alone, “earlier, you asked me if I was afraid in New York, and I told you that I was. I was horrified, but I knew that if I didn’t act, people could be hurt. I decided that the safety of others was far more important than my fear of who I was fighting and what they were capable of. You can be brave, too, Kaia.”
“Like you?” she asked, cocking her head to the side and searching my eyes.
I shook my head, “even braver,” I replied, stroking the back of her hand with my thumb. I had faith in her, more faith than I ever had in myself. Upon hearing my response, she let out a barely audible gasp, one of excitement and a lingering sense of responsibility. It was something she thought to be unbelievable and unattainable. I chuckled, “but for the time being, I need you to be brave without me, okay?”
Kaia nodded her head once more, her little hand squeezing my forefinger, and I finally realized that I was wrapped around hers. The love and devotion I felt for them was nothing short of maternal, and though they were not the children I envisioned having, they were precious to me regardless of their origin. Perhaps it was similar to the way Aaldir felt about Hjalmar and I. I never truly understood how he could love me the way he claimed, since I was not his blood, but I started to realize how love could manifest itself in different ways when Tony was born. I fully understood that love upon meeting Harley and Kaia, though. I believed some of the maternal love I had for Tony came from my devotion and dedication to his father, but when I realized my love for Harley and Kaia-two children I had no connection to prior to our meeting-I understood my love for Tony in a much more explicit way. Kaia’s eyelids fluttered, "can you sing to me?" she asked, mirroring the question Loki always asked of me before falling asleep.
"Of course," I answered, wanting her last memory of me to be beautiful, almost ethereal, so that it I met my end against the Mandarin, she would remember me like a dream. Perhaps, my loss wouldn't impact her much if I left her that way. The song I chose was clear in my mind. Whilst Loki and I travelled the world throughout the years, we found so much joy in the European countries. One particular visit, we were exploring the British Isles and came across a pub. Loki and I made fast friends with the patrons of the bar, and when our night was coming to a close, they drunkenly sang us a beautiful song of farewell. I often sang it to Loki before leaving for battle, one I sang to Tony when he was just a boy before I returned to Asgard. It was a song I sang to her, a song I thought I’d never sing again until that very moment.
As I stroked her hair back, I began singing, “of all the money that e’er I had, I spent it in good company. And all the harm that I’ve ever done, alas it was too none but me. And all I’ve done for want of wit, to memory now I can’t recall, so fill to me the parting glass. Goodnight and joy be to you all,” I sang, seeing that her eyelids were growing heavier and heavier, “close your eyes, little bird,” I instructed, watching as those little eyes fluttered closed. I continued to stroke her hair, listening to her breathing slow, and I continued the song through my tears, “of all the comrades that e’er I had, they’re sorry for my going. And all the sweethearts that e’er I had, they’d wish me one more day to stay. But since it fell unto my lot, that I should rise, and you should not, I gently rise and softly call, goodnight and joy be to you all...goodnight and joy be with you all,” I finished, leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead, sensing that she was finally asleep. I wiped away the stray tears from my cheeks and suppressed the memories the song brought to the surface once more.
I turned my attention over to Harley to see that he was still awake, and his cheeks were wet with the evidence of his sorrow. I rose from Kaia’s bed and situated myself on the edge of Harley’s bed. I reached down and brushed the tears from his cheeks. Before I could tell him that everything would be okay, that everything would work itself out, he proposed a question that tore my heart apart, “will you forget about me?” he asked, fear clear in his eyes and voice.
My jaw hung slack for a moment as confusion overcame me. I wasn’t sure what I had done to even give him the slightest suspicion that I would forget about him. I shook my head, “oh, of course not! Why would you think that?” I asked, stroking his cheek with the tips of my fingers.
He choked back tears, searching my eyes to find any ounce of dishonesty or deception within my response. The uncertain look in his eyes was familiar, and I knew the feeling myself. I used to think that Aaldir would leave me someday, that if my birth parents could bring themselves to abandon me, why wouldn’t he do the same? What would stop him? If my own parents couldn’t love me, who could? It was a toxic state of mind to live in, but I lived it, and I knew that Harley was living in it in that moment. His bottom lip quivered, “my dad...my mom...” he stammered, his voice betraying him as it gave way to the heavy flow of tears that began to stream down his face.
The pain in my abdomen was no match for the pain in my heart at that very moment. I leaned down, grasping his cheeks to keep him steady and grounded. I pressed my forehead against his, using the small ounces of power I had left to calm his nerves, to bring him to a place of peace. While his tears didn’t cease, they slowed, and his breathing began to steady. I sat back up and stroked his hair back like I had done with Kaia. His teary, bloodshot eyes connected with mine, “I’m not them! You are a spectacular, phenomenal, wonderful little human, Harley. You have a kind and gentle soul, a soul that lives in harmony with my own, a soul that offers more beauty than I can comprehend. Even if I were to die right here and right now, I still couldn’t forget you because you hold such a profound place in my heart, little one,” I confessed, offering him a smile to help lighten the mood.
I continued to stroke his hair back, feeling his ever-calming nerves. He was growing more and more tired with each passing second, but I could sense that he was fighting it with all he had. He knew that I wasn’t going to leave with him still awake, and he didn’t want me to leave at all. I cleared my throat, “when I was a child, my father told me that each one of us is created with the essence of starlight; it’s the fabric of our life essence, our soul. Each time a star died, it would send a burst of energy across the universe, spanning across every galaxy, every solar system, every planet. From that stardust was born the life essence of a number of people, thus those souls were tied together by a thread with the power of a dying star, a thread that could never be broken through time or distance. Throughout history, they would be destined to find their way to each other, the thread pulling them closer and closer together. Then, when they finally met, the thread would secure itself around each of them, binding their souls together for the rest of time. I’ve met others who were born with the same life essence that resides within me,” I explained, telling him the story my father had once told me.
His eyebrows furrowed, “who are they?”
I glanced over at the doorway to see that Tony stood there in complete silence, listening intently to my words. I felt his presence there as I sang the song to Kaia, but I hadn’t acknowledged him until that moment, “Tony’s one of them,” I confessed, locking eyes with the man who held such a significant portion of my heart. I turned my attention back to Harley, “Tony’s parents, Howard and Maria, were among them as well. The heroes of New York: Bruce, Natasha, Thor, Clint, and Steve are others. They helped me see the beauty in humanity once more, how people of such different walks of life could unite together against a common enemy,” I explained, having so many fond memories from a time when my life was falling apart. It was a strange phenomenon, but I did have beautiful memories of New York, of reconnecting with Steve, bonding with Bruce over technology, bonding with Natasha and being able to take a look into her mind when she finally trusted me enough to allow me such a privilege, getting to know Clint to the point that he exposed his biggest secret to me, and fighting alongside Thor for the man we both loved in different ways.
“My love, Loki, is another one. We had plans to get married and run away together. We dreamed of either being accepted by his father and living a peaceful life in Asgard, or we would run away to Midgard and start a whole new life together amongst the Midgardians we loved so dearly. There was a man I danced with only once before he went off to war, Bucky, and I protected him from the sidelines throughout the war until the day he died,” I noted, my eyes flickering down to my lap as I remembered the way he smiled at me, the peace he emanated even in his final moments. It still touched me all these years later. His presence was still alive within me even after his death. I shook off the thoughts of him, knowing that I had to push forward for Harley’s sake, “then, there’s the man who raised me, the man I consider to be my father, Aaldir, and the man who I knew as my brother, Hjalmar. My closest friend, Ephinea is of that group as well.”
“There are also ones I have met throughout history, people you may know of already, or they may be people I tell you about when I return. I’ve been coming to Midgard for a very, very long time, and almost all of those times were in the company of Loki. For nearly a thousand years, we travelled the world together time and time again, and we’ve met countless people along the way,” I confessed, and his eyes widened when he realized just how long I’d been alive. It brightened my mood slightly, causing a bit of the weight to be removed from my shoulders, “there were three royals, Mary, Anne, and Diana, who changed the course of history, who changed me. There were authors: William, Jane, and Charlotte, who embodied the beauty of the arts. There was an artist, Leonardo, a man who taught me about the importance of love. There were peacekeepers, people who sought to bring about change for the better, people who changed the world for the better,” I added, watching as his eyes filled with wonder as I named off the people who meant so much to me, who held a strong place in my heart even after they had died.
“There’s a girl...” I continued, my voice trailing off as fleeting thoughts arose once more. There wasn’t a single day that passed when I didn’t think of her, and there never would be for the rest of my life. I could never forget those haunting eyes, the way they filled with tears during our final moments together, the way those tears twinkled as they fell from her eyes, like stars falling from the night sky, the way she screamed for me to stay, the way she yelled after me as I left, and the way I made her forget me. I remembered every horrific moment just as clearly as I remembered every beautiful one.
“Eva,” Tony’s voice sounded from the doorway, pulling me from my thoughts of her. When my eyes met his, it was clear that he knew what was happening within me. He wanted me to get my feet wet, to remember her, but he didn’t want me to drown. He gave a curt nod of his head, urging me to proceed.
I turned my gaze back to Harley, “then, there were two others that I found recently, two small people I care deeply about. One of them I met only an hour ago,” I murmured, casting my eyes over at the sleeping princess in the bed parallel to Harley’s. I studied her little features once more before my eyes flickered back to the little boy who looked at me like I was the whole world, “and the other invited me into his home, offered me a place to stay, and treated me like the center of the whole universe. He shed tears whenever he thought I could possibly bring myself to leave him. He hurt when he thought I could possibly be unsatisfied with what he had to offer. He refused to leave me when I was in danger, when the lives of others were at stake. He sits in front of me right now, worried about my fate,” I whispered, my voice light and calm as I continued to hold his hand, reaching up to wipe the tears that spilled down his cheeks.
My bottom lip quivered ever so gently as I thought of our time together potentially coming to an end, “he called me one of his heroes, but what he doesn’t know is that he’s one of mine. This is a boy with a heart of pure gold, a boy whose soul was forged from the same star as mine. He’s a boy whose presence makes the colors a little brighter and the sun a little warmer, a boy I would move mountains for, a boy I would give my life for in a heartbeat, a boy who has taken his place amongst a few others as the center of my universe. You,” I stressed, leaning down to rest my forehead against his once more. I conveyed every ounce of love and admiration I had for him in that single act, remembering the times my father and Frigga had done so to me. Frigga always told me that I would have an easier time conveying those things to others, that I was so connected to the essence of life that I would be able to tap into it. I hoped I was able to do it in that moment, to make him see just how true my words were.
When I pulled away from him, he took the time to speak, his voice trembling in an attempt to hold back his emotions, “Kaia used to be the only family I had here,” he confessed, forcing a sad smile.
“What about your mother?” I asked, cocking my head to the side in confusion. I didn’t understand how he could say that Kaia was his only family when he had a parent who was still in his life.
“I didn’t meet her until a few days ago when she showed up in the shack outside, needing a place to stay,” he answered, his response leaving me in sheer disbelief. I didn’t know what to say or how to piece together what he was saying. I never expected him to admit what I already knew deep down in my heart. I knew that he saw me as a mother figure, but I never imagined that he saw me as his mother, as the woman who would provide for, nurture, and protect him. Before I could explain that he already had a mother, that there was already a woman in his life who had given him that life, he continued to speak, knowing what I was about to say, “I don’t trust her the way I trust you, I don’t need her the way I need you, and I don’t love her the way I love you. You’re more than just the mother to the world, you’re the only mother I’ve ever had. This is the first time anyone has ever taken care of me and not the other way around.”
“Never think that your feelings are one-sided, Harley, because I love you just as a mother would love her son. You’ve changed my heart for the better and helped me see and understand so much more than I did before I met you,” I stated, leaning down to press a firm kiss against his forehead. I lingered there as a tear cascaded down my cheek, not wanting him to see me cry. Upon pulling away, I locked eyes with him and grasped his hands in my own, my eyes as solemn as my voice, “I’m going to do everything in my power to return to you and Kaia, and when I do, no one is ever going to hurt either of you again. I give you my word,” I promised, knowing that if anyone were to attempt to harm them again, they would be met with a wrath they could never be prepared for.
His voice trembled, “if...if you don’t make it-”
I cut him off, not wanting him to trail off into the dark recesses of his mind, the dark corners where sad, lonely, hurtful thoughts resided in, “if I don’t make it, you’re going to be just fine. You’re going to carry on and live to fight another day,” I insisted, knowing that he was stronger than he gave himself credit for. He would mourn for me, but he would learn to live with that grief just as we all did. My voice lowered to a whisper once more, “it’s scary to think about, but I’m a warrior. This-fighting and sacrificing for the greater good-is what I do. You’re a warrior, too, little one, and you’re strong enough to make it through whatever comes next. I believe in you, and nothing will ever change that,” I promised, cupping his cheek, my palm resting lightly against his face.
“I love you,” he whispered, leaning into my touch.
I smiled through the tears that welled up at the sheer joy and love I felt from him in that moment. It was similar to the first time Loki told me those three words, or when Tony first said them as a child, or when she said them. It reminded me of all the love I’d ever had, and it also reminded me of all the love I had lost throughout the years. Still, while it was bittersweet to think about, I was happy to have that love once more, even if it was fleeting, “I love you,” I replied, never wanting him to forget that simple truth. Even in his moments of doubt, should I not return, I wanted him to still feel my presence through the love I had for him.
“Can I cut in?” Tony asked, his words mimicking those of his father so many years prior. His voice cut through the silence that had fallen between Harley and I. When I glanced over at Tony, his eyes held all that I needed to see. He started to care for Harley the same way I did. Tony had a paternal side to him, a side he couldn’t hide from me no matter how hard he tried. He would’ve been good at it, too-being a father. This was his time to say goodbye to Harley, and I’d give him the time he needed, just as he did to me. I gave a curt nod of my head before standing up from the side of the bed. I walked past Tony and watched as he settled onto the bed where I had once been. It was obvious that he wasn’t well-versed in maneuvering these situations with a child, but he seemed comfortable. He had some practice.
Wanting to give them both their privacy, I retreated to the shack once more to collect my things. I stripped away my Midgardian wardrobe and tied my hair back before strapping on my armor once more. The white and gold armor-with little hints of blue-clung to my body, and it felt like home. My armor reminded me that it was my duty to fight no matter what the cost. This time, I would fight for Tony, and I would fight to create a safer world for the ones I loved to live in. Holding out my right hand, Soulkeeper came to me, cutting through the air before the hilt attached itself perfectly to the palm of my hand. It came whenever I called, much like Mjolnir did for Thor. I sheathed Soulkeeper before picking up my shield that rested against the wall at the foot of the bed. I attached the shield to my back, feeling that familiar tightening in my chest that I usually felt before battle. It was a mixture of fear, anticipation, and sorrow. This time, those were heightened.
I felt an undeniable urge to return to Asgard, to find a way to get to Loki and tell him the truth, that I still loved him. It didn’t feel right to go into battle without seeing him beforehand, and this time would be especially risky with my current condition. I would fight alongside Tony, but I needed closure before I could do that. The only way I would get that closure would be to return to Asgard briefly. I needed to see him as more than just an illusion, as more than just a figment of his imagination. I needed to be close to him, to see him as I told him the words I needed to be heard one last time. I needed the familiar comfort that came with his presence, even when his presence had, at times, been the most chaotic part of my life.
Upon realizing what I needed to do, I headed back into the house to explain it to Tony, to pull him aside and tell him that I needed to leave just for a short while but would return in time to face the Mandarin with him. When I reached the bedroom once more, Tony’s soft, emotion-filled voice kept me from interrupting his conversation with Harley. I couldn’t even make my presence known. His voice stopped me in my tracks before I made it to the bedroom door, so I leaned against the wall, taking in that comforting, familiar voice, “I had a dad who I didn’t think cared for me at all growing up. He was...he was hard on me, and I didn’t always like him. Sometimes, all you need is one person to believe in you, one person to love and care for you. You and I have the same person in our corner, and that’s Eva,” he confessed, laying his true emotions out for Harley to see. His words struck a chord with me as he continued, “trust me when I tell you that no matter where you go in your life, she’s going to be looking out for you for the rest of it, like an angel on your shoulder. You’ll have me, too. I’ll be checking in from time to time, and even though you may not always be able to see it, I’ve got your back, kid.”
“Why?” Harley asked, genuinely curious as to why Tony Stark, a man who shouldered the weight of the world, would care about him. It wasn’t obvious to him that he and Tony were so very similar. From an outside perspective, it was clear. When Tony was Harley’s age, he was going through similar trials. He was supremely intelligent, like Harley. He was mistreated, like Harley. He was lonely, like Harley. They were so similar, and Tony could see that.
“Everyone needs someone, no matter how strong they are,” Tony answered, using the same words I’d once told him as a child when he asked me the same question. He finally understood it. He finally understood how endless my love and devotion to him was. As an adult, he could finally understand my love for him when he was a child. He wouldn’t question it anymore because he understood how quickly he had me wrapped around his finger, much like Harley did to him. Tony’s voice lowered, “she’s good at it, isn’t she?” he asked, out of the blue. There was silence. Upon realizing that he gave Harley no context, he elaborated on his initial question, “being a mom, I mean. She’s got a gift.”
Tony’s words caused my lips to part as disbelief washed over me. It was a moment that shook me to my core, a question I neither expected nor prepared myself for. A small sniffle from Harley was what pulled me back to the present. It was the one thing that kept me from falling down into my whirlpool of emotions upon Tony’s question, “she’s the only one I’ve ever had,” Harley confessed once more.
“I can tell,” Tony replied, his voice soft as to not strike another emotion with Harley. His aim wasn’t to make him cry, and I knew that. Tony hated seeing people cry, which was one of the more beautiful things about him. While he was clunky and awkward when trying to comfort most people, especially those he wasn’t as close to, he still did his best to stop them from crying. He was one of the most empathetic people I knew-one of the bravest. He continued, “the worst part is that you can’t help but love her, but the best part is that you have someone who will love you unconditionally for the rest of your life. She’s one of the reasons why I’m still alive today, why I’ve made it this far, and she’s one of the reasons why you’re gonna make it through all of this.”
“Every single hurdle you ever go through in your life, you’ll overcome them all because you’ll remember that there’s someone out there who believes in you even when you can’t believe in yourself. She’s gonna be around to protect you, kid, and she’s gonna teach you how to protect yourself...just like she did with me when I was a boy. You’re lucky enough to be one of her people, just like I am, just like your sister is. When Eva chooses to get close to someone, she’s there for good. She’ll be there through the thick and thin, the highs and lows, life...and death,” he said, recalling the countless times I visited his parents grave to maintain it or leave small offerings to them. It was my way of continuing to show my loyalty to two people who I loved so dearly, “you know what I like to do when I feel far from her?”
Harley sniffled once more, and I could sense that he was calming down, “what?”
“I look up at the sky and imagine that she put all the stars in the sky just to watch over me. I imagine that she put the moon in place to shine on some of my darkest nights. I feel close to her when I do that,” he answered, and I was brought back to when he was just a little boy.
I was brought back to the countless times I had to leave him to return to Asgard and tend to my duties. He would often shed tears at my departure and ask me why I couldn’t stay with him. He would tell me over and over again that he always missed me when I left him, and I’d always tell him that I put the stars in the sky to look out for him. I told him that I used the stars to watch over him through the night. That way, whenever he looked up at the stars, he would feel close to me. I couldn’t easily explain to him that I had an all-seeing companion who stood at the end of a rainbow bridge and kept an eye on him to warn me if any trouble came his way. I couldn’t explain that to a child, so I used a story about the stars to satiate his loneliness.
Then, it finally dawned on me that I needed to do for Harley and Kaia what I failed to do for Tony so long ago. While Howard and Maria were two of my greatest friends in the world, what Howard put Tony through was upsetting, disappointing, and appalling. If I was stronger, I would’ve protected Tony in a more proactive way. Instead of confronting Howard about it every chance I had but still leaving Tony in the lion’s den, I would’ve taken him with me when I left. Even if it was only for a while, it would’ve been the protection he deserved. Still, Tony became a beautiful, intelligent, caring, compassionate, wonderful human being, rising out of the ashes like a phoenix. Perhaps it was for the best that I only interfered and didn’t take him away, but...Harley and Kaia couldn’t be left.
I entered the room, and Tony’s eyes caught mine. He stood up from the bed, thinking I was ready to leave, but when he saw the look in my eyes, he knew what I was doing. I was making the right choice. I lowered myself onto Kaia’s bed once more I shook her shoulder gently until her eyes fluttered open, “come on, Kaia, open your eyes. Wake up, little bird,” I urged her as she blinked away the sleepiness in her eyes. She had only been asleep for a short time, but she hadn’t reached the state of being immovable. I turned my attention back to Harley, “grab a bag and pack anything you want to take with you,” I instructed as Kaia sat up in the bed, rubbing her eyes.
Harley furrowed his eyebrows, getting out of the bed, “where are we going?”
I motioned for him to close the space between us, and he did. I grasped his hands in my own, my eyes locking with his as I tried to convey the urgency I felt. I needed to return to Asgard in the first place, and that would be the safest place for them to go, “I promised to protect you, and I don’t know when I’ll be back to make good on that promise. I can’t risk leaving you here and-in turn-leaving you in danger. I want to take you back to my world, both of you. It’s a place where no one would dare hurt you ever again. You could live in peace. It’s a beautiful place filled with people who I trust to protect you and care for you should I not manage to return. If I leave with Tony right now, I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I want to be sure of something. I want to be sure that you two are safe.”
As Harley stood in disbelief, I continued, knowing that he wasn’t expecting such a hefty proposal, “I will not force you to come with me, so if you decide to stay here, I promise to do everything I can to make it back as quickly as possible to protect you,” I explained, not wanting either of them to think that I was going to steal them away if they didn’t want to accompany me back to Asgard. They had every right to decide their own fate, though. They needed to have control of their own lives, and their mother robbed them of that,“if you do decide to come with me, though, I promise to make sure you have a roof over your heads, a loving home, and more joy than you could ever ask for. You’d never have to be afraid again, and if anyone were to raise a hand to either one of you for the rest of time, I’d be sure they lived the rest of their days without their hands. Now, I know I’m still new to you, that we still have a lot left to learn about each other, but-”
Harley cut me off, “we’re from the same star,” he murmured, agreeing to my proposition. It was a lot to be asking of them, to uproot their lives and follow me to a world they never knew existed. It was a risk, but they were willing to take it, almost as if even as children, they had nothing left to lose.
My eyes filled with tears of joy because my heart was too full, and there was no other way for the emotions to escape. I turned my attention over to Kaia. She crawled out from under her blanket, and rested a little hand against my cheek, “I know who you are,” she repeated the same words she told me earlier in the night, agreeing to the terms just as her brother did.
“And I know you,” I responded, leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead. I wrapped my arm around her and stood up, her body attached to my side and resting on my hip. She wrapped her arms around my neck and held herself close to me.
My gaze turned to Tony, and he gave a proud nod, “this was the right choice, the choice I knew you’d make,” he stated, his eyes filling with hope. I brushed past him with Harley following directly behind me, and I motioned for him to follow, “how long will you be gone?” he asked from behind me.
“Not very long,” I answered, reaching the front door in the living room. I pushed it open and stepped outside, the cool air caressing the patches of skin that my armor left bare. Kaia clung even tighter to me as I turned around to lock eyes with Tony once I was far enough away from the house. I didn’t want the Bifrost to blow a hole through the house, even though it would’ve been only a fraction of what she deserved for what she put her children through. My eyes lowered as a feeling of shame overcame me. I didn’t want to admit that I needed closure with Loki, but I did. I needed to see him one more time, “I need to go to him, Tony, just for a short time. If this could be my final night alive, I have a lot that I’ve saved in my heart that he needs to hear. I’m prepared to give my life for you if need be, and I don’t want there to be any reason for hesitations. I will come back to you, though. Do you trust me?” I asked, needing to know that I wasn’t going to be leaving him without hope.
“Always,” he answered with a nod.
“I’ll have Heimdall send me to you when you’re stopped along the way, and if anything goes awry, I’ll be here in a heartbeat,” I promised before stepping away from him and into the open. I wrapped my arm around Harley, pulling him tight against my body, not wanting him to feel afraid. He wrapped his arms around my waist, aggravating the wound but filling me with warmth at the same time. I gazed up into the night sky, keeping both children in my strong embrace. Before I could even mutter his name, I saw the beam of light coming for us, and I prepared myself to return home.
#loki#loki imagine#marvel#tom hiddleston#tom hiddleston imagine#marvel mcu#imagine#mcu imagine#mcu fanfic#mcu fic#mcu#loki laufeyson#ofc#original female character#oc#original character#angst#love#tony stark#iron man#tony stark imagine#tony stark fanfic#marvel fanfiction#fanfiction#marvel fanfic#long fic#marvel imagines#mcu imagines
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B L O W aka Agent Sansa Stark and Jon Snow have history. / / here is my gift for @allisonswan for @gotsecretsanta
Surprise! I just want to thank you for your patience and I really hope you like this. It’s 15.9k of pure jonsa fluff and a little smut ;).
Also major shoutout to @mickey-mousemilkovich for helping me edit this story and get this entire thing to be what it is. You’re the realest friend <3
“I don’t know what you’re complaining about, Jon,” Sam said, voice a little muffled from the cookies he was popping into his mouth.
Jon rolled his eyes, of course she would bake. How did she even know what his favorite cookies were?
“Sansa is nice.”
Jon blew air through his nose and didn’t bother to look up, leaving his gaze on the field report in front of him. Silly Sam. Silly, blind Sam. Jon shook his head. “You think every girl that shoots you a smile is nice.”
Jon tapped at the paper in front of him, carefully reading the questions before responding. Field reports weren’t exactly his favorite thing but if he had to do it, he would have to do it right. Unless he wanted to get Mormont on his ass. Again.
“And I don’t complain. Stop exaggerating.” Jon said, frowning. He tried to not think about Sansa Stark at all, let alone talk about her. Liar, a voice said in his head.
“Girls are nice, Jon,” Sam said before loudly swallowing. “And so, what were you doing last month when she ended up beating your arrest record?”
Jon slowly lifted his gaze from his desk and blankly stared at the other man. This, of all times, was not the time to mention that incident. Jon remembered the little smirk on her lips as she met his gaze before she looked away very, very vividly.
Sam eyes widened, “O-Okay, so we’re still a little sore about that one. Got it.” Sam lifted a hand placating him.
Jon glared at him. “I’m not sore about anything.”
He tightened his grip on his pen, as her face kept popping up in his thoughts. Her sparkling eyes. Jon rolled his eyes to himself.
“Just shut up, Sam,” Jon said lowly.
Sam huffed, clearly not believing him before he turned back to his own work.
Jon wasn’t sore. He was not. He liked- no he loved that his peers were improving and developing in their own right. Thing was, Jon was competitive. He always has been, since he was a kid and he learned that he wanted to be the best at the things he cared about. Whether that be hockey or studying law, he wanted to be at the top.
But the thing was… so did she. Sansa Stark. A girl he was all too familiar with from law school who also happened to work with him in the Federal Bureau of Investigation. Sansa with the stellar grades, lightening quick quips and who always seemed to look put together while John had been running on coffee, short naps with Ghost and the promise he made to his mom. To say that Jon was a mess in law school was putting it lightly.
He made it through, yet she had left him looking like an idiot more than once. And it seemed like she would never let it be.
The only blessing of having them work for the same organization is that they usually don’t see each other but Jon has seen more of her these past two months than he cared for. In the hallway or elevator, or stuck at the coffee shop because Sam loved hot chocolate and refused to drink it from anywhere else but the Noah’s down the street.
And if Sansa was there? Well, they all would have a brief, cute conversations with Sam that mostly consisted of Jon taking hateful glances at her heels and forcing himself to not think about how long her legs looked in her skirts.
Jon tried to turn his attention back to his work but his thoughts trickled back to last month, remembering Sam’s words. Again, he was distantly proud of her and her accomplishment because it is a good thing. But… it was still her.
She had stood beside Mormont in those nude heels she was so fond of. The extra boost nearly put her at Mormont’s height. She had looked so effortlessly unbothered when Mormont announced that she had beaten Jon’s arrest record for the year.
Jon remembered her looking around the room, blue eyes taking in the crowd and Jon wondered if she was looking for him. And when they locked eyes, Jon swore he saw her the corner of her lip twitch.
He was positive she had smirked at him and Jon had wanted to just stomp over to her and say hey! I don’t give a fuck! And maybe kiss that smirk right off - no. Jon clamped his eyes shut and let out a deep sigh, hating himself for thinking these sorts of things. Why do they keep finding their way into his head?
This woman was driving him mad.
Jon made a sound in the back of his throat, irritated at himself for feeling irritated about the arrest record and thinking of her in that way. He saw Sam shoot him a concerned look from the corner of his eye but Jon didn’t look back at him.
Whether he liked it or not, Sansa Stark still had the uncanny ability to get under his skin. And he fucking hated it.
**
There she went again. Jon stared at her back as she turned the corner, wondering why in the hell she was back in this wing of the department for the second time this week.
Jon has caught himself staring at her walk away a lot. And he distantly wondered if she liked to wear heels because she liked to look down on people. She was already tall enough as it is, of course she would go the extra mile to ensure it. Jon shook his head. He can’t help it that he’s only 5’11.
In all honesty, she was still shorter than him with the heels but it was the principle of the matter. Jon frowned at his legs, wondering if it was too late for him to have a growth spurt.
“Jon.”
Jon turned his head to look at Sam, who had his brows raised. His cup of hot chocolate inches from his mouth.
“Are you okay?”
Jon nodded and leaned back in his seat. “Yeah, why?”
“Well you were glaring at Sansa. Again, might I add.” Sam said, eyes diverting to the door of their boss. “Which you really need to stop. All she did was drop off paperwork to Mormont.”
“I know that she dropped off paperwork yesterday.” Jon said, leaning back in his chair. “Why is she here again.”
The more he saw her, the more he thought about her and he was embarrassed to admit it but he couldn’t focus. For whatever reason, he thought she would pop up behind him and point at his work and say, “Jon, that’s wrong, let me help you. Here scoot over.”
Half the time, he didn’t know if she knew just how condescending she sounded.
Sam squinted at him. “You need to stop with this. Sansa is not competing with you. Or coming after your job.” Sam flapped his hand in the air, “Or whatever you’re so worried about.”
Jon crossed his arms across his chest and swerved his chair to face Sam and raised his brows. “Do you really not notice that she is literally waving the fact that she beat my record in my face?”
“She was just walking down the hallway, Jon.” Sam said tiredly. “And if anyone is not noticing anything it is you.” The heavy emphasis had Jon pause and he looked over at Sam, narrowing his eyes in confusion.
Sam just stared at him, looking a little resigned.
“You’re hopeless. Just stop being a-” Sam said, taking a deep breath, “You’re being a jerk. So, stop it.”
“I’m not being a jerk.”
“That is what a jerk would say,” Sam sung.
“Shut up” Jon said, an unwilling smile breaking on his lips. Jon was not mean to Sansa Stark and if he was, it was only because she pushed him to it.
i.
Yale University, Law Lecture, 4 years ago.
There were many instances where Jon questioned his decision to study law. Mornings where he lugged himself to class, with his eyes barely opening because he was spending his nights completing his endless reading and not sleeping. Ghost always looked at him sympathy before he eventually went back to sleep as well.
It was exhausting but Jon did love it. But there were moments like this, when he didn’t necessarily hate studying law, but hated the fact that he chose this specific course with this specific professor because she was here too.
Sansa Stark.
Jon felt himself glaring at the side of her head as she elegantly took notes, acting as if she hadn’t completely shredded his argument up and down just seconds ago.
“Although the statute of limitations has already been applied for this general type of cases, the plaintiff has had notice of physical harm after the statue has passed and know the reasoning behind their injury.” Sansa said, not even giving him the courtesy to look at him when she gives her two-cents.
“Therefore, they qualify for the discovery rule or exception rule to proceed with legal measures. But nice try, Mr. Snow.”
Mr. Snow. As if he was they weren’t the same fucking age. A muscle in Jon’s jaw twitched as he saw her delicately tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. She finally looked at him over her shoulder and he saw the brightness in her eyes. Will she ever let him live? Just once? Jon shook his head, beyond exhausted with “Ms. Stark”
Jon tried to not fall for stereotypes. He doesn’t like to fit people in boxes based of their circumstances but there was something about this girl that had that flying right out of his head.
Jon worked hard to get here. He worked during in his undergrad to pay for books, applied for any scholarship that simply required he just have a pulse and is pursuing a degree. He made it and he was damn proud of himself too, but to hear her open her mouth always made him feel like it wasn’t enough. She… well. She was the daughter of Eddard and Catelyn Stark, one of the most well-known politicians in New York. Smart. Wealthy.
Not everyone was able to have their parents pay for law school. And if Jon hadn’t known better, he would think that they also had enough reason to get her into law school. But Jon has experienced her brilliance more than once, unfortunately. Which annoyed him even more. But having have her tease him like this was just maddening.
Jon glanced at her from the corner of his eye.
He hated how to put together she always looked. They’re in law school and this is an 8am course. She should be looking like…. him. Not like that, with no hair out of place and this radiance surrounding her like a blanket. Jon sighed and dragged a hand his face. God, he needed coffee.
He rested his pen against his desk and stopped bothering to take notes. Class was nearly over; his pride was shattered and there was a stack of readings he had to get through for his midterms next week. All the more reason to leave and forget what had just transpired here.
When the professor dismissed the class, Jon already had his earbuds in as he walked out the door.
He didn’t catch the look Sansa threw his way. Or the opening of her mouth to call out to him before she thought better of it.
**
Present Day
“Snow.” Jon raised a brow at hearing the Director’s voice over the phone. What an odd time to get a call from the Director himself. “Come to my office.”
“Okay, Sir.” Jon said and immediately after, Director Mormont shut the phone. Jon shut the phone and swerved over to Pyp who was standing by his desk, holding the folders they were meant to take to the second floor together.
“Sorry, Mormont just called and said to come speak with him.” Jon said, clasping the phone back into its home.
Pyp waved off his apology.
“Here, I’ll take the rest.” Pyp said and Jon carefully deposited the remaining folders to the stack Pyp was holding.
“Thanks,” Jon said, eyeing the stack of folders warily. “Do you want me to call someone over to help you?” Pyp was an agent but he was more of the behind the scenes type of guy. And even though a stack of folders isn’t incredibly heavy, Pyp’s balance was kind of awful.
“Nah, I’m good but good luck, man.” Pyp said wryly before bumping him on the shoulder on his way to the elevators.
Jon gave him a small smile and nodded in thanks. As he made his way to Mormont’s office, Jon tried to recollect all of the things he’s done in the past two weeks to possibly piss the man off. He came up empty.
Jon entered the room. There wasn’t anything terribly suspicious about the random call. Other than the fact that… okay. Jon steps faltered as he took notice of the red head to his left. Jon’s luck was never particularly good so that would most likely mean the woman is one Sansa Stark. Oh, goodie.
Jon glanced at her from the corner of his eye but stayed quiet as he sat down. She had her hair up in one of those high buns. He wondered if she still stuck pens in them while doing work like she did in Yale.
She was wearing a long green pants today with these chunky heeled black boots that Jon would think can knock a man out if positioned correctly.
Jon thought of her marksmanship scores and he had no doubt that in her hands, any pair of shoes could be deadly.
He should not be finding that information as attractive as he does. Again, he knows he’s messed up, yet he does not know how to stop himself from being an idiot who thinks things about this woman that he has no absolutely no interest of pursuing. None.
When Mormont walked around to sit in his seat, Jon was grateful to get some discussion happening. The older man rested his elbows on either side of his chair and looked at the two of them thoughtfully.
“I believe you two know each other from school, correct?” Mormont said.
Jon turned his head to the left and briefly made eye contact with her and they both nodded.
“Good, familiarity is good for this case” Mormont said, clasping his hands across his chest. “You two will be partnering up for a mission regarding embezzlement.”
So, good news was that he was not in trouble. Bad news...he was going to be put on a case with Sansa. He might have preferred desk duty, to be honest.
“We have just been given some news that one of the senators is being investigated for in embezzlement and money laundering.”
Jon’s raised his brows, curiosity piqued. By the shuffling to his left, he wasn’t the only one. Clearly, there was more to the story.
“The department has been aware that this individual has been unethical but haven’t had enough reason to actually pursue.”
Jon wanted to laugh. At this point in his career, Jon found it rare to find a U.S. Senators that was not involved in anything shady. The only politician he could think of that he respected was Ned Stark and unfortunately, he passed away which left New York in the hands of snakes like the Bolton’s.
“The agents on the case got an anonymous tip and we have reason to believe that he is taking bribes from lobbyists to push for certain legislatures to be passed.” Mormont said, looking between the two of them.
There was another pause, before Sansa spoke up.
“This senator…” Sansa said, “It wouldn’t be Senator Lannister, right?”
Mormont’s eyes light up a little, pride already in his eyes. Jon had to physically stop himself from rolling his eyes. What a show off. And Mormont, Gods. Jon had never seen the man look as grandfatherly than he did now.
“Yes, how did you figure?” Mormont leaned back in his chair.
Sansa lifted a shoulder. “I read the news. Heard some talk going around in different departments.” Jon glanced at her from the side, and saw that her hands were clasped together. “He’s not a very nice man.” Jon caught the wry quirk to her lips and decided it looked off to him. He was too familiar with her wry smirks to think that was genuine.
Mormont snorted. “No, that is putting it mildly. How he got elected at all is a mystery to me. But you know politicians...” His voice trailed off suggestively and Jon smiled mirthlessly.
Sansa huffed an agreeing laugh. So, funny. It was silent for a moment. Jon waited for the news to drop.
“So, the two of you are going there.” Mormont said bluntly. “Undercover, of course.”
Mormont picked up a flyer off his desk and showed it to them.
“There will be a fundraising event occurring at the Lannister estate in two weeks, and we want you to gain some entail. Or proof would be better.”
The two of them nodded along.
“You two will be posing as business partners from an investment bank who are considering endorsing this man. This is your background but be flexible with what you see up there.” Mormont said, looking up at them from the case file he opened up. “This is a big guy to take down so make sure your story is solid. It’s just intel.”
Mormont looked up at Jon specifically and Jon wanted to roll his eyes because that was just one time. But instead, he just nodded. He also didn’t miss the little huff that Ms. Stark released either.
He ran them down on the details and Jon committed it all to memory, not quite understanding exactly why they were being chosen for this. Surely, there was other people that could fly over to Chicago just days before Christmas. It wasn’t like Jon had much of family to go back to but he was sure Sansa did...
“Director Mormont,” Jon said, after the man finished speaking, trying to figure out a way to phrase this right. “Don’t you think that there is someone more... experienced to do this?”
By the look on Mormont’s face, he did not take the phrasing right. In fact, he probably thought he was trying to weasel himself out of it. And maybe he was trying to not let himself in proximity with her for personal reasons that he doesn’t want to think too much about but he did think that she should be with her family. The ones she had left at least.
Jon nodded his head, promptly shutting up.
Jon saw Sansa stiffen in her seat, and Jon already knew she misinterpreted him as well. If she didn’t think the world revolved around her, he thought annoyed, maybe she would have realized that he was not in fact dogging on her.
Everyone knew that she was with the public corruption squad for the FBI. And that she was one of the top ranked agents in the field. Not that he noticed or even cared, it was just information well known in their office.
“The two of you will be in contact with the other two agents in Chicago,” Mormont said, passing them both files of all the information they would need.
“Yes, sir.” They both said and quickly made an exit.
Jon stepped to walk towards his desk but not before he felt a tug on his elbow to stop him. Jon sighed. Fuck. He turned around, already bracing himself and she finally let go of him.
Jon always thought that Sansa had a great poker face. She hid her emotions well, which always been an advantage in law school. But now, she actually seemed a little… irritated. Her cheeks were turning pink and Jon was… finding it kind of amusing. Cute, even.
“Don’t you ever,” she whispered hotly, “question my qualifications for an assignment in front of the director, Jon Snow. Ever.”
Jon raised his brows, “I just thought maybe this wouldn’t have been-”
She straightened and lifted her chin, and Jon felt like he was being taken back four years ago to a moment before she kicked his ass in a rebuttal for mock trials.
“If you have any concerns with my work ethic, you speak to me.” she said. She stepped closer to him and Jon smelled the little bit of vanilla and rosemary of her perfume and Jon hated that she smelled so nice.
She poked his chest with a manicured finger nail. “Not to the director.” She said, “Me. Do you understand?”
Jon raised his hand and wrapped it carefully around her wrist and was a little shocked to feel how cold it was. And small. Despite the heels she wore today, he was still an inch or two taller than her so he took advantage of that.
He stepped closer to her, ducking his head down, his gaze locked with hers. “That’s assuming you would want to hear a thing I say” Jon said, before removing her hand.
“But next time I have concerns, I’ll be sure to come to you.”
And of course, she narrowed her eyes at him, her blue eyes flashing with irritation.
He laid the sarcasm real thick for her.
“That would be the mature thing to do.” She looked over at him, and shook her head, obviously letting him know that she did not think he was a mature person at all.
“This is going to be wonderful.”
“Absolutely,” Jon said, deadpan.
She sucked in a breath and there her cheeks went again, being stained pink and Jon had to bite back a smile.
“You’re insufferable,” She said before she walked away, her red hair still tucked in a perfect bun.
The smile broke through though at seeing her so huffy. Over him. Even if he was trying to talk down about her, which he never would, Jon knew that if her were anyone else, she would have handled that situation a lot differently. With more poise and grace but it felt kind of good knowing he got under her skin too.
“Do not get in my way,” She said over her shoulder and when she did eventually turn the corner, Jon let out a breath he hadn’t realized that he was holding.
He couldn’t help but think that this mission was going to be a really big pain in his ass.
And the worse thing was, he was kind of excited.
ii.
Sansa heard the driver’s side of the car door open and she turned her head to see Jon, and her heart skipped a beat at the sight of him. It always did that stupid skip and honestly, it was getting out of hand and ridiculous. He was just wearing a beanie and a hoodie nothing to be skipping about. Yet, a traitorous part of her mind noted, he still managed to look good.
Sansa looked away from him, after refusing to catch his gaze, if he was bothering to take notice of her at all.
“Open the trunk for me, Mike?”
Jon then went over to the back and Sansa turned her head to look out the window, her cheeks warming at how deep his voice was so early in the morning. Which made her think of how he must sound right after he woke up… and mornings with him… and him murmuring her name in his deep voice that was tinged with an accent for people of the North.
For God’s sake, she said to herself, pull it together. She rested her fists on her cheeks, trying to drive those thoughts far and away. Because this was Jon.
“Thanks.” He said, once he stepped inside the car and shut the door. Almost immediately, he rested his head against the window.
“Hey, Mike can you turn on the heater? It’s freezing” Jon mumbled.
“Sure thing.”
She heard some shuffling from the backseat so she subtly looked over her shoulder at him and watched as he pulled his beanie down over his ears, his curls pushed together to frame his face. He also had his chin tucked into his neck and his hands under his arms.
Aw, said an unwanted voice in her head. He’s cute.
He had longer hair now than he had in Yale and Sansa has seen him with his hair tied, and Sansa never gave too much thought to the whole “man bun” trend that was a big deal a few years ago. But she definitely could tell why it was a thing now.
Once Mike turned on the heat and it dispersed around the car, Jon let out a little sigh. Sansa understood the sentiment. New York winter is unforgiving. She hoped that she brought enough warm clothing but she didn’t have enough comfortable warm clothing. Just professional and Sansa cursed herself for not investing more into hoodies.
Jon looked quite comfortable at least. And tired.
“Not a morning person?” she said, not bothering the touch of amusement in her voice.
Sansa didn’t think she ever need to know what a sleepy Jon Snow was like but now that she took in his mussed curls, pink cheeks and glazed eyes, she couldn’t help but think those comments about pretty boy Jon Snow were very much true.
Jon peeled his eyes open and turned his head to find hers and Sansa felt like she was pinned down by his gaze.
Sansa wasn’t much of a morning person herself but she has gained the habit of waking up early growing up. With Robb and Arya’s hockey games, early flights to different cities in New York and 7am lectures in both undergraduate and law school. She was a pro at it. But it seemed Jon still never got the hang of things.
“Not exactly,” Jon murmured.
“Jon has hit his head on the door more than once on mornings like this let’s just say that.” Mike said wryly. He looked at Jon in the rearview mirror, amusement evident in his eyes.
“Shut up, Mike.” Jon grumbled and Sansa couldn’t stop the helpless smile forming on her lips at seeing him pout with his eyes closed again.
“Not a chance, Jon.”
Jon shook his head resignedly into his shoulder and Sansa looked at him one last time, taking in how warm he must be. She reminisced of the nights where she would walk past him in the library in his oversized hoodies and beanies during midterm and finals week. Once, she even saw his dog in there with him. It was a big, white dog that almost looked like a wolf, honestly.
She remembered wanted to head over and ask if she could pet him and maybe stay to study with him. But she was never brave enough to. Again, Jon didn’t seem like he would want her there. It was kind of a shame since he was one of the few decent guys in law school.
Sansa took in the stray curl above his eye and wondered how soft it was before she shook herself from those thoughts. She sighed to herself, moving her gaze away from him. Now was not the time, Sansa. Besides, Jon Snow was very much not her type. Anymore.
**
Sansa gazed out the window, taking in the deep grey skies that almost looked black. It was roughly couple hours to Chicago from New York, and the world beneath her is still asleep.
Chicago. Every time she remembered where she’s heading off to, and who she is meant to see, her heart jumped to her throat. She was prepared for it. She knew she was. Yet, that doesn’t calm down the twisting that is happening to her stomach.
The Bolton’s were always a sour topic for her family and to think that they are still navigating the political world while her parents and Robb were gone… It’s disappointing to say the least. It didn’t help that the Lannister’s endorsed Roose Bolton’s campaign either. If the Lannister’s were involved, Sansa knew that it was all a plan to feed more money into Lannister Financial Services, the one of the most unethical investment firms in the east coast.
She let out a slow breath and turned to lay on her side. It was going to fine. She moved her gaze to the man sleeping to her left.
She never thought that Jon would still be in her life but here they are, three years after law school and working on a mission together.
He had barely moved an inch since they got onto the jet, his head tucked into his shoulder. His beanie was still pulled over his head but it’s loosened somewhat and Sansa can see a good chunk of his dark, curly hair.
He was cute. It was something he was very well known for amongst the female law students. Pretty boy is what they called him. You thought it too, said the same voice. Sansa rolled her eyes at herself.
But she supposed now, he was more than cute. He has definitely grown. He had hair long enough to tie up in a bun, which once had her choke on her coffee the first time she saw it.
He also had facial hair now. He was more fit than he had ever been before. But she supposed that is what working on organized crime division does for you. Massive biceps and washboard abs, she thought, remembering the summer retreat their department had in Ellyn Lakes.
So yes, she noticed. She would have been blind to not have noticed. But she didn’t act on it. She had too much going on than anyways. Her parents. Robb. Dealing with so many lawyers and trying to calm down her younger siblings. A boy was the last thing on her mind. It still is. Even if he was a man now.
She would be lying if she said she didn’t think about being in a relationship now, after being in a secure point in her career and having her family stable. Arya is in her undergraduate and Bran is a year away from graduating high school, no doubt to Brown like their mom.
Rickon is doing good in school and breaking records in Track and Field. She tried to attend any meets she could, making sure she had posters on deck for all of them.
So, it would be a good time to find a boyfriend if any. She used to be the type to need a boyfriend at all times. She didn’t think she was ever single in high school. Undergraduate meant Joffrey and she went all the way back to the north to attend grad school because she had just enough of southern boys for the rest of her life.
Besides, the last person that Jon Snow would go for is her. She knows she was not his type. Not that she cared whatsoever what his type was, but he made his point to her whether he knew it or not. Very clear and Sansa did not need a reminder. Sansa has better things to do with her time than waste it on a man.
Even if it would be nice to have someone to cuddle with and kiss whenever.
It didn’t have to be Jon necessarily. Liar, said a voice in her head. Sansa hit her head a little against the window, wanting to shut it up.
**
She knew he wasn’t asleep anymore. It’s been an hour into the flight and they still had two more to go. She knew she could ignore him completely, but this was valuable time they could use to try and understand their characters.
They were going to be partners in this mission and even though Jon would have been her first choice in a partner, she also knew that in order for this to go without a notch, they had to be in tune.
So, she figured making some small talk would be good idea.
“So,” Sansa started, turning her body to face him a little. “Have you ever been to Chicago?”
His chin lifted off from where it rested against his fist and he looked over at her, eyes slightly narrowed. Honestly.
“No.”
Sansa bit her lip at his curt tone. What was this man’s problem? She briefly waited until he asked her the question but he stayed silent.
“This would be the time where you ask me if I’ve ever been to Chicago” Sansa said. It would be the polite thing to do, she thought.
Jon moved his head and gave her a look, as if he already knew her unvoiced thoughts.
“Fine.” Jon said, leaning his head back against the headrest of his seat. “Have you been to Chicago?”
“No.” Sansa replied.
Jon hummed. The silence carried on.
“Not much of a conversation starter, is it?” Jon quipped and Sansa gave him an annoyed look, to which he responded with a faint smirk.
“Do you always have to be sarcastic?”
“No. That side of me only comes out when you’re around” Jon said, resting his fist against his cheek. “And you are the last person to judge someone on using sarcasm.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means you use sarcasm like it’s an sheathed weapon. You kind of have, have it out for me.”
Ha! If she ever had it out for him, which she never cared for him enough to do so, it was probably because he deserved it.
“Maybe if you weren’t such an…” Sansa hummed, tapping a finger against her chin. “I don’t know… A pain now. Or in law school, you wouldn’t have gotten my well-deserved sarcasm.”
“I was a jerk.” he stated disbelievingly, tilting his head back. She did not appreciate at how surprised and thrown off he looked right about now.
She blinked at him wide eyed and innocent. “Did I stutter?”
Jon closed his mouth and took a deep breath through his nose. Him trying to hide his frustration was a little amusing, she would admit.
He spoke slowly. “So, you’re telling me you didn’t do anything wrong.”
He stared at her, searching her face. Sansa made sure to not break any eye contact, and what was he talking about. Her? She was nothing but polite to this man and all he ever did was brush her off and just glower at her whenever they were in the same room.
Well, it didn’t intimidate her before, and it sure as hell wasn’t going to fly right now either.
“I haven’t done anything wrong to you and you are ridiculous if you think so.”
Jon huffed at her with narrowed his eyes. “You’re really going to play innocent?”
Sansa crossed her arms across her chest. “Just what exactly are you insinuating?”
He rolled his shoulders. “‘Nice try, Mr. Snow?’” He looked at her, with a raised eyebrow. “Does that ring a bell?”
It did. It was one of her finest moments in that class. Sansa mouth dropped a little though that he remembered. “You cannot be serious.”
“You’re still mad about that little comment?” she asked, looking at him with appraising eyes.
Jon rolled his eyes. “Oh no. That was just the one that stuck out to me. Seeing as how, some of our asshole classmates wouldn’t stop calling me Mr. Snow for two weeks and the Professor had a round of applause for you.”
Sansa felt her cheeks flush. Okay. So maybe, she had gotten a little sassy with him back in law school.
“But I have plenty more to list off of.” Jon said, counting off his fingers. “Let me know when you’re ready.”
In her defense, he deserved it and also, it was fun. He had a sharp tongue too. Everyone in their graduating class was bright and accomplished but unlike the rest of them, Jon never shoved it down her throat that he was better than her. He just didn’t seem to like her. Which was fine. Sansa didn’t exactly go to law school to make friends.
For a brief time, she thought things were a little flirtatious between them among both of their competitive streaks, but she had been wrong on one front.
“Well, I might have been extra… cheeky when it came to you.” Sansa said, not really wanting to admit that part.
“Really?” Jon said, sounding so thoroughly exhausted. “And why was that a thing for you?”
“Like I said, you were a pain in my behind too.” Sansa said, looking at her nails now. She really hoped that he would drop it. She didn’t necessarily want to go into her psyche and say hey you didn’t want to be friends with me and that really hurt my feelings so I was sassy to you because of that? Nope.
Sansa huffed out a laugh. “How much time do we have?”
Jon gave her a blank look.
Sansa hummed.
“How about just a few days ago with Mormont?”
Jon wrinkled his brows as he tried to remember and Sansa waited patiently for it to click.
“What that? If you had let me speak then I would have told you that it was so you could be at home with your family.” He said, before shuffling in his seat, his gaze not meeting hers.
“Oh.”
Jon snorted. “Yeah.”
“How about how you basically dismissed my existence at every turn and told me that I got to law school with the help of my family?” Sansa said sweetly. Well that’s as close as she could get to telling him how she really felt.
Jon’s jaw clicked shut. Yeah. Thought so.
Sansa remembered that day very clearly. Because it was the moment any bubbles of her crush on Mr. Snow died a quick death. They were in a study group for their ethics class and conversation began with how one of their classmates, Sam Tarly, who apparently was one of Jon’s good friends, had accidentally fell in class and was called out by a professor. The conversation wasn’t strictly on Sam, it went on to discussing marks and professors and other students who seem to be slacking.
“I mean we’re in law school,” Sansa said. “Shouldn’t everyone be taking their courses a bit more seriously?”
Sansa knew Sam was smart and most definitely capable but he wasn’t on top of his game which worried her a little bit.
There was a hum of agreement before one voice piped up.
“I know people working two jobs and taking a full course load.” Jon said. “So maybe not getting the top scores in class isn’t a priority when you still have to pay rent.”
Sansa looked up at Jon, who sat across from her. He hadn’t spoken this entire time and honestly, she was surprised he even showed up to this meeting. She would have thought he would refuse to hang out with other humans. Least of all her.
His eyes moved over to her briefly.
“Unlike some of us here,” Jon said, “Not everyone here was lucky enough to have the help of their family to attend law school.”
Sansa heart slammed hard against her chest.
“Want to elaborate on that?” She forced herself to relax. She always knew that some people thought her attending Yale and being a rich girl from a well-known family would get people talking and assuming things. She just didn’t think it would come from Jon, who was quieter and kind than any of the other people in their class.
“Sure.” Jon said leaning forward, “You’re wealthy and have connections and there are people that don’t have that same privilege. So why don’t you get off your high horse about best marks and being a good student when you don’t have to divide your time up.”
Sansa’s jaw slackened.
“I am not on any high horse!” Sansa whispered hotly. “I am just concerned for Sam!”
Jon looked at her with a raised eyebrow. “Were you? It sounded more like a dig.” He looked around the table. “Same thing goes for all of you. I know some of you are working so don’t hate on other people for doing the same shit you’re doing.”
Jon stood up from his table. “I’m done for the day.” He packed up his stuff and left.
Stanley let out a low whistle and clucked his tongue. “What the hell is his problem?”
Sansa didn’t respond, but she felt a very unwelcome feeling curl at the bottom of her stomach. She stared at his back as he turned the corner and felt like maybe she should not have been so quick to comment.
She let out a sigh and returned to her notes, damning Jon Snow for getting to her again.
The two of them have had their own moments of giving each other dark looks, storming off in anger at the other, and just blatant irritation at one another.
“I never thought you didn’t deserve to be there.” Jon said, looking at her straight in the eyes. “I never apologized for insinuating that you had.”
Sansa knew she was privileged. Being able to go undergraduate and law school without worrying about being in debt was a liberating feeling. But it was one that many of her peers didn’t share. Including Jon.
He never spoke to her about it obviously but Sansa heard around that he also coached the local hockey team on the weekends during law school. Learning that information made her see him a different light than she had before.
She also tried real hard to not think about him in a jersey.
“So, I’m sorry, it wasn’t right of me.” Jon said, looking at her with those serious eyes of his. “I know you’re capable and intelligent.”
Sansa eyes widened a little at those words. Did he just apologize? She was not expecting that. A muscle in his jaw twitched. Sansa can’t imagine this being easy for him.
“But I still didn’t like the tone you had or everyone else for that matter.” Jon ended, raising a shoulder.
Well. Not that hard.
Sansa cleared her throat. “Thank you for that.” She rubbed at the ring on her middle finger before saying what she knows she should have said at least once.
“And I did sound a little bit high and mighty that day, which I didn’t mean to. I know Sam is smart and diligent… I shouldn’t have spoken about him like that.”
She wouldn’t tell him that her baking him cookies was partly because of the guilt she still harbored for her small involvement on that day. She eventually learned that Sam was disowned by his family through the grapevine and she felt awful for even contributing to it.
She also learned that Jon had been on a hockey scholarship in his undergraduate years. Seeing him in his hockey jersey for a pickup game at Yale was an... interesting experience. But she understood why he had been so protective of Sam.
Her respect for him definitely grew that day, juggling work and law school was not easy. Something she thankfully did not have to do.
Jon’s mouth curved into a small smile that had her heart beat kick up a beat. He rarely smiled but when he did, it was quite something. She forced herself to not flush at the sight.
“Don’t worry. He seems to be fond of your baking so there are no hard feelings from him.”
Something told her that Jon probably never told Sam but she didn’t say anything.
“Well, I’m sorry for the attitude that I have given you here and there. Though of course, many of which you deserved, but still.” Sansa said, raising a shoulder. She wasn’t going to just forget that he was a little bit of an ass too.
“Of course. Can’t let it be, could you?” Jon said, with a resigned tilt to his voice. The corners of his lips widened into a bigger smile and Sansa felt an answering smile tug at her own lips. Sansa felt silly for feeling accomplished at making him smile at all. And she wanted to see more of it.
“Nope.”
He let out a huff of laughter and for the first time since the meeting in Director Mormont’s office, Sansa had hope that maybe working with him wouldn’t be so bad.
She glanced at him again, taking in his kind smile and soft eyes and as feelings she stomped down on began to wake up and needle at her skin and heart.
And she thought of only one word: fuck.
iii.
1 Hour Later
“We’re so sorry for the inconvenience but due to weathering issues, we cannot continue to our journey back to New York. We will be stopping at the Ohio International Airport and having a layover. We would recommend passengers to find a place to stay over the night but are welcome to stay at the airport if need be.”
Sansa whipped her head towards Jon, who had his head tilted up so he could hear the voice over the intercom. Finally, he looked back at her, and what she felt was reflected in his grey eyes: shit.
The voice levels of the entire plane skyrocketed up as guests began to shout, curse and talk amongst themselves. Sansa saw the flight attendant dodging questions left and right from other passengers but Sansa knew that she wouldn’t know anything that would actually help.
“Just our luck.” Jon murmured, leaning back to his chair and scrubbed a hand down his face.
“Tell me about it,” Sansa said, looking down the aisle. “Hopefully we can figure something out.” She tapped her fingers against the hand rest and hoped against all odds, something does pan out for them.
Once they landed, Sansa and Jon approached the woman at the gate, and asked about any other possible way to get to Chicago.
“All outbound trips for the next two days have been canceled,” replied the woman. Her brown curls were loose over her eyes and she looked exhausted. She must have been answering the same thing dozens of times now and Sansa was sympathetic, but also, she and Jon needed to be in Chicago.
So, she pulled out the one thing that could possibly help.
“I do not like to do this but my partner and I” she gestured to Jon, who standing beside her, “Are federal agents and it is imperative that we arrive in Chicago by tonight,” Sansa said lowly.
Sansa wasn’t sure but she could have sworn she heard Jon laugh under his breath but she wasn’t too sure. She shot him a look before she turned back to the woman and presented her badge. But the girl barely glanced at it before reciting back the same information she had for the customers before them.
“I’m sorry ma’am but there is nothing I can do.” she said, almost pleadingly. “All flights have been canceled.”
Sansa opened her mouth to say anything else but the poor girl looked like she was on the verge of tears so instead Sansa sighed, knowing that this girl, if anyone, had the power to actually get her and Jon on a plane.
“Okay, thank you.” Sansa put away her badge and tucked her hair behind her ear, feeling really hopeless. She was stuck in Ohio. With Jon.
She could already hear Margaery’s voice in her head.
Oh my… this is the same Jon you’ve complained to me about?” Margaery would say, with a quirked brow. “Love, he is gorgeous and I suggest you make use of this god given opportunity and let him get deeply acquainted with what is between those long legs of yours.”
Sansa regrettably showed her a picture of Jon once and her best friend looked at her pityingly and she saw right through Sansa.
You mean you could have been hitting that all throughout law school and you didn’t. Sansa, you told me you were an honors student.
So, Sansa might have had a thing for Jon at Yale. It wasn’t a big deal.
She and Jon walked away, taking in the chaos that was the airport. Many of these people are going to be either crashing in the airport or finding somewhere to stay. A lot of them were on their phones, dejected and disappointed looks on their faces. Sansa could empathize.
After all, it was just a few days before Christmas. Her and her sibling’s kind of stopped celebrating it after their parents and Robb passed away. They tried to meet up anytime of the year really.
Since Bran and Rickon were living with their Uncle Benjen, Sansa didn’t feel as guilty not being around as much. With going on different She wondered if Jon had anyone to come home to for the holidays. Maybe a girlfriend. She brushed the thought away just as quickly as it entered her thoughts.
“Do you always flash out your FBI badge?” Jon teased. “It seemed like you’ve had practice.”
He imitated her and she felt her cheeks flush.
“Oh, shut it. And I do not. I’m just trying to help us get out of this situation.” She looked around the airport then back at him, feeling a little overwhelmed and confined of how many people were in this one building. “Do you have any ideas?”
Jon raised his brows. “It’s either we drive or get a place to stay.” He shoved his hands into the pocket of his coat. “But personally, I don’t think driving is a safe idea either.”
Sansa sighed and pulled out her phone.
“Guess we should start looking for a place to sleep then.”
**
“You can’t be serious.” Sansa said under her breath. Of all the absolutely ridiculous things that could have happened to her this month, this would take the cake.
“Well.” Jon said. “Fuck.”
Sansa couldn’t help but let out a laugh. That was the perfect word to summarize this entire day.
Not only will they not make it on time for the fundraising event, they will be stuck in some random city in Ohio for two days. The only good thing is that Mormont had been understanding when they told him about the delay and just told them to keep safe.
It was snowing like mad outside and the two of them had booked it to the taxi that was waiting outside for them. By the time they made it inside the car, Jon had snow melting into his curls, the tip of his nose and cheeks were pink and Sansa had to force herself to stop thinking about how pretty he looked.
Sansa stared at the thing for a few feet away. She heard Jon stop walking right behind her as he also took in the scene before him. One bed.
They shared a moment of silence as they took in this new development.
“Yeah.” Sansa said, setting her luggage down and walking around the room. It was a nice enough room, but they definitely could have done better. But with dozens upon dozens of flights canceled, there wasn’t many open rooms left. “Our luck is shit.”
Jon made an amused sound. “Yeah but it’s okay, I can sleep on the floor.”
Sansa looked at him over her shoulder as she rummaged through the mini fridge. “Don’t be ridiculous, Jon. We’re adults and can sleep in the same bed.”
Sansa turned her gaze back towards the inside of the fridge, feigning nonchalance. Where she was really screaming at herself: What are you doing! Are you mad?
Are we getting laid? Gleefully said the traitorous voice in her head.
“Also, it’s freezing in here.” She said, debating whether or not she should take a chug of the bottled cheap wine in there. “I can’t let you sleep on the floor in good conscience.”
“Careful now.” Jon said, voice closer than before. “It almost sounds like you care.”
“Shut it.” She said, standing up with two water bottles in her hand instead. “We barely got on good terms. Let's not ruin it.” She extended one to him with a raised brow. And if she did care? Well, she didn’t find a problem with that. She was raised right.
He raised his hands up and took a bottle, lips twitching. “Got it.”
They ended up ordering pizza from the hotel and watching 27 Dresses, one of her favorite romantic comedies, on the TV before Sansa felt like turning in. It wasn’t that late but she was cold and full and it was snowing outside. That was always a recipe for her to go to bed.
She set down her plate by bedside and looked over at Jon, who had changed into a pair of grey sweatpants and a hoodie. It was sort of odd seeing him dressed so casually and Sansa couldn’t help but think that he looked comfortable and good.
He looked warm.
Sansa rolled her eyes at herself as she conjured up images of them cuddling and how it would feel with his arms around her. Honestly, she does not know what has gotten into her but for these past two weeks, this man has been on her mind a worryingly amount of times.
And maybe just maybe, Sansa was a little too quick in judging Jon. And she also still might be nursing a bit of a thing for him. But this would be fine. She can manage to sleep in the same bed with the guy she had a crush on in for the good majority of law school.
“I’m going to take a shower.” Sansa said suddenly, not looking at him.
“Hmm?” Jon replied. “Yeah, okay. I’ll be… here.”
“Ok.” She quickly said, grabbing her pajamas and made her way to the bathroom. She definitely needed some space away from him. It was time to take a hot shower, wash her face and go to bed.
**
Jon blew out a breath the moment that the bathroom door shut. He ran a hand through his hair and stared at the door.
Of all the things that had to happen, of course Jon would be stuck in a snowstorm at a hotel with Sansa Stark.
Jon had texted Sam letting him know about the update so he could pass it off to Mormont just in case he didn’t get to his phone in time.
> Sam: so... you and Sansa are staying over in a hotel?
> Sam: Jon! ! don’t hate me but im just going to say that now is the time to make your move
Jon frowned at his phone and texted him back.
>Jon: What are you talking about.
>Sam: Are you seriously going to deny your feelings now
>I’m sorry if this is tmi but it’s snowing, you’re alone in one room with the woman you’ve hidden feelings for, for years
> now is not the time
> MAKE A MOVE
> bye
>Jon: ????
> bye
Jon stared his phone for a moment reading and rereading Sam’s random text and looked at the door. Behind it was Sansa Stark. The one woman in his life that really just irritated him. But also challenged him and was so damn beautiful that it left Jon a little speechless at times. And she’s behind that door, taking a shower. Naked. She was naked.
Jon squeezed his eyes shut, trying to not envision it but it was impossible not to. It’s sad because if was being honest, he’s imagined it before.
When she glared at him and her cheeks would turn pink after he didn’t let another sarcastic comment of hers fly.
He always wondered how far her blushes went. How smooth that skin had to be. She always looked so clean in law school. Something that bothered him so much because he looked like trash whereas she looked like she just slipped out of a warm bath that was for the Gods.
So maybe Sam had a point. Maybe he had a little bit of a crush on Sansa back in law school. But everyone did. She was one of the brightest students of their class. And fucking gorgeous to boot.
And they were going to be sleeping in the same bed tonight. Wonderful. He pressed his hand to the spot where his heart lay and he felt it pound hard and fast at the prospect. He felt like a teenager or some green boy that has never slept in a bed with a woman before but this was Sansa.
He heard the water shut off and he rose up out of bed, not wanting to be on the bed any longer. He should wash his hands. The door opened and Jon expected to see steam come out but it didn’t.
Sansa had changed into her pajamas, which had a long-sleeved Yale shirt and a pair of yoga pants that were really not helping matters at all.
She yelped a little as she saw him and he stepped back.
“Sorry.”
Sansa shook her head. “You’re fine. Just surprised me.” She was holding onto her towel to her chest. “Did you want to use the bathroom?”
Jon nodded, he glanced at her closer. Her hair was tied up in a bun and her face was free of makeup. Jon could never tell if she had been earlier except now he noticed the freckles on her cheeks that were nonexistent before. He couldn’t help but think it made her look more human for some reason. And vulnerable.
“Well, you’re good to go in.” She walked past him and Jon got a whiff of whatever body was she used and gods, she even smelled cute. Like vanilla and rosemary’s.
Jon shook his head at himself.
“Thanks.”
He entered the room and shut the door. He quickly washed his hands and then splashed his face with cold water and whatever face wash she had left in the bathroom. It was an Aveeno brand and it made his face feel more breathable so he liked that. He dried off his face, and stared at himself in the mirror. All sorts of conflicting thoughts bouncing around in his head.
Just go to bed and act normal.
Kiss her and let her know that that you can make her scream your first name all night.
Jon shut his eyes and splashed even more water on his face to stop that last voice from ever piping up again.
Sansa was already in bed when he headed back out, scrolling down her phone before she set it down on the bedside table.
Jon picked up the duvet and slid under the sheets, flinching a little at the coldness.
“Yeah,” Sansa said, noticing his reaction. “Not exactly the best kind of sheets for a place with snowstorms and a broken-down heater.”
“Only the best for FBI agents.” Jon wryly said.
In truth, it could have been worse. Definitely worse but it sucked that it was so cold in the room. If Jon hadn’t double checked that the windows weren’t cracked earlier he would have guessed that there was a hole somewhere.
He wasn’t doing too bad, but that was because he usually ran hot. Sansa on the other hand...
“You’re shivering.” Jon said. He glanced at her from the corner of his eye, taking in her thin sweater, scarf and little fuzzy head wrap thing. She had doubled up again after ten minutes in her regular sleepwear. It didn’t seem to help though and Jon was getting tired of her shuffling around and rubbing her feet together.
“No, I’m not.” Sansa said stubbornly, refusing to meet his eyes.
“You are.” Jon said, pointing at her shoulders. “Don’t you have a coat or something?”
Sansa shuffled so she could stare at him.
“If you think I’m going to wear my Calvin Klein coat in bed, then you are delusional.” Sansa sniffed. “Besides, I’m not even that cold.”
She waved around the room. “Of course, we would be in a hotel that had no heating and freezing water.”
He ignored her and reached out to touch her hand. The stark contrast between her body temperature and his left him wincing. No wonder she got out of the shower so quickly. The water must have been piercing.
“Jeez,” Jon hissed, “Your hands are freezing.” He removed his hand and he could have sworn that she sent a disappointed look after them.
Sansa huffed and looked up that ceiling, poorly hiding her pout. “I have poor circulation.”
“No shit.”
There was a pause. And awkward still that left Jon feeling like he had to say something because he was beginning to feel a little bad for her.
He let out a breath. “Before you think this is a come on, it isn’t.” Liar.
“But you’re shivering and I can’t sleep feeling that.” Jon wracked his brain, trying to find the best way to possibly say this without offending her.
“So, I’m okay with us kind of touching to keep you warm,” Jon finished awkwardly. He rubbed at his cheek, feeling it heat up at her blank stare.
Sansa quirked a brow. “Are you... suggesting that we cuddle?” Her voice held a twinge of amusement and Jon wanted to hit her with a pillow.
Jon shuffled in the bed. “I wasn’t. I just meant that since you’re cold-”
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“You’re very warm” Sansa said, giving him a once-over that had him flushing like an idiot. “And if you’re offering to have me wrapped around you, then I’m okay with it.”
The moment the words left her mouth, he noticed her realizing the words. Her eyes widened a bit, and her mouth curved into a little ‘o’. The tale sign of her cheeks turning to a tinge of pink also couldn’t stop the helpless smile growing on his lips.
“You’ll do what now?” Jon said casually.
Sansa huffed, her eyes barely meeting his. She’s embarrassed. Aw.
“Just don’t go getting any ideas.”
That ship had already sailed but Jon shrugged casually and laid on his back, lifting an arm so she can slide underneath. “Strictly platonic.”
She looked at him, taking in his outstretched arm and nodded. When she leaned down beside him, she pressed her chest against his side, their clothes barely brushing. Her feet weren’t even touching him and he knew that those were probably the coldest part of her, next to her hands. And her head was almost raised above his arm, not fully wanting to touch him.
Everything about it felt wrong and it stayed like that for a minute before Jon decided to say something.
“Do you always sleep so tight?” Jon said, ducking his head to look at her. “I won’t hurt you, promise.” He knocked her foot against his, trying to be lighthearted and teasing but instead, he made contact with icicles. He hissed at how cold her feet were.
“What the fuck,” he breathed, “Why don’t you wear socks?”
“They don’t help.” She murmured into his neck, already making herself comfortable. “Don’t make this weird.” She then slipped in her legs between his and slid a hand around his waist. And internally, Jon was a bumbling fool, screaming both what the fuck and oh, fuck yes. His heart thumping hard and he really hoped that she didn’t notice.
“Same to you.” Jon said lowly and he made himself comfortable, moving his arm around her head. She shuffled even closer to him and Jon prayed to the Gods that his body wouldn’t make things weird.
He stared up at the ceiling and prayed for the strength of monks, nuns, priests and any other person in this world that would not give a damn if Sansa Stark in their arms.
This would be fine.
**
“Did you know the girls called you ‘Pretty Boy Jon’?”
Jon opened his eyes slowly, not totally sure of what he just heard. Jon wasn’t sure if she was asleep or not. He carefully turned on his side and stared at her.
One hand was tucked underneath her head as she stared right back at with those blue eyes of hers. His arm was still outstretched and Jon wanted to just pull her back into his side and fall asleep with the smell of vanilla and rosemary’s around him.
“What?
“Eliza Hastings coined the term,” she said softly. Her lips quirked upwards. “The girls loved your hair. I think half of them were considering shaving it off right you.”
The same Eliza Hastings he didn’t take up on a date because he thought all pretty girls from rich families should be avoided at all costs. Now look at him, sharing a bed with Sansa Stark and already feelings that he thought he squashed were resurfacing.
He leaned back against his bed and moved his neck to her.
“I didn’t know.” He distinctly remembering to have to threaten two assholes when they talked about girls in their year. Jon had to put his hands on those little entitled shits when the conversation ever turned to Sansa Stark.
Harry whistled, “Damn, the legs on Stark is ridiculous. Wonder if she would let me fuck her on the first night?” He turned to Jon, smirking like a fucking idiot. “Aren’t Democratic women supposed to be a little slutty?”
How that idiot got into law school was beyond Jon.
Jon swallowed hard, his fist clenching in a phantom like fashion at the memory of wrapping his hand around his neck. So, has a little protective streak. Sue him. Even if it was for a woman that didn’t seem like she needed much of protecting.
“Why are you telling me this?” Jon asked, rubbing his eye with his fist.
Sansa hummed and shrugged. “No reason.”
Jon looked at her but she barely gave him a glance before she went back to her previous position. Which mean that she was tucked back against his side and Jon ducked his head, his nose brushing the top of her head slightly.
Jon opened his mouth and clambered for something to say. Because he thought this was something important. It was at the tip of his tongue to ask: and you? Did you think I was pretty? But was too embarrassed to say anything.
He couldn’t help but wonder that that maybe he just missed something.
**
Sansa shut down the voice that was demanding that she get closer and actually fuck it, she should just get onto his lap and kiss him into the next century.
She’s going mad.
And she can’t fall asleep. She was warm and cozy and she might have dozed off for a bit but she wasn’t really that tired. And the warm body she was holding definitely was making her think things that were not sleep. Gods he was warm and so solid. And she hasn’t had sex in ages.
She debated whether or not she should go forward and say what was on her mind. She opened up her mouth to speak but froze. What was she thinking? Letting him know that she had feelings for him in law school? What was that going to achieve.
She buried her head between his shoulder blades and released a deep breath, not really believing that she was thinking of these things. She reveled in his warmth and strength. Sansa wanted to turn him over and drop a kiss on his jaw.
The arm she had around his waist had somehow traveled up to be curled up in her fist, right by his heart. Her fingers twitched at realizing how closely intertwined they were.
Sansa mumbled. “You’re warm.” Those were not the words she wanted to say first. But gods was he. Hopefully he was asleep and she didn’t just make a fool out of herself.
Jon said, cleared his throat, and Sansa bit her lip. Then he spoke.
“If you keep pressing against me like that, there’s gonna be a problem.” His voice was rough, maybe it was from sleep.
Sansa’s heart jumped to her throat. Shit.
**
Jon turned around, just about fed up with this woman feeling him up and barely asking for his permission. Or letting him reciprocate.
“Something you want to say?” Jon said, leaning on his elbow and looking at her in the dimly lit room.
Her hair that was originally tied up in a ponytail has loosened and had clumps of her long hair falling over shoulders. She blinked slowly up at him and seeing Sansa Stark vulnerable wanted him to just give her a real reason to look dazed.
Jon raised an eyebrow at her continued silence and Sansa just kept staring at him, eyes becoming less glazed and more aware. And then the funniest thing happened.
Her cheeks began to turn pink.
“I’m sorry.” She shuffled backwards. “I like to cuddle.” Her hands began to flutter around her flyaway hairs, tucking them behind her ear. Jon’s eyes trailed the pink stain from her cheeks to her neck and most likely down to her chest.
Jon’s eyes darted up to her but she wasn’t looking at him.
Her mouth was in between her teeth and not for the first time, Jon wondered what it felt like to just taste the cherry lip balm she liked so much.
“Is that what you’re going with?” Jon said, giving her a disbelieving look. He leaned closer to her. “I think it’s something else entirely.”
Jon’s voice dipped a little lower as he leaned closer to her, suddenly feeling brave but also terrified that she might knee him in the balls. “Just answer this: did you have a bit of thing for me at Yale?”
He was positive that she just sucked in a breath and Jon felt validated that whatever he was feeling, this thing between them is not one sided.
“Don’t be ridiculous.” She didn’t take her eyes off of him though. Her gaze fell to his lips, his neck before going back to his eyes.
“Why? If we’re going to be on good terms now, shouldn’t we be honest with each other?”
“Cause, I mean. I held a bit of a thing for you.” Jon’s eyes trailed down her attire, already thinking about how she looked underneath it all. Probably soft and warm. Like vanilla and rosemary, she always did.
Jon leaned closer and Sansa backed up a little, and Jon didn’t bother to hide his smirk.
“Just what do you think exactly you think you’re doing?” She whispered as he kept leaning closer to her. He felt her breath at his cheeks and Jon has never in his life wanted so close to taste someone’s lips then he did hers.
“I mean you. Hopefully.” Jon murmured, eyes flitting up to her. “What are your thoughts?”
His hand grazed her ankle and brushed the bare skin of her lower leg and Jon felt like the tips of his fingertips tingle with anticipation. This time, she couldn’t hide the little breath she sucked in.
Jon flicked his gaze up to her and they just stared at one another, until she did something that had Jon rocking forward. Her pink tongue swiped quickly across her lower lip and Jon’s eyes tracked the movement.
Jon felt pretty safe of where this was going to go.
**
Sansa secretly thanked the Gods for telling her it was a rational idea to shave her legs. And to get that wax. And that maybe she wasn’t being stupid for thinking that actions could speak louder than words.
Her heart thumped hard against her chest and it was like there was a silence in between them. She huffed out a laugh and barely uttered the words: “You’re ridiculous” before she grabbed the cuff of his shirt and brought him closer to her.
Instead of kissing him right then and there, she flipped him over on the bed, jostling it slightly. He let out a surprised sound and Sansa smiled at his wide, hopeful eyes.
“Is that a yes?”
“Yes,” Sansa whispered, climbing up on him and resting both of her legs over his waist. His hands, ones that were so incredibly warm, rested on her own hips so naturally and Sansa rocked forward, her own lips a few inches from his. “It is.”
She barely uttered the word before Jon raised himself up off the bed and grabbed her jaw before closing that gap between them.
His lips were warm against hers, they were as pouty and as soft as she thought they would be.
She pressed herself to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. She felt the warm press of his hands on her waist. The scent of him was so clean and it reminded her of snow and Christmas back in Winterfell: cool, clean and earthy.
Sansa pressed her lips closer to him, and he parted his own for her, letting her toy with his warm tongue. He made a sound at the back of his throat and she shuddered out a breath when she felt his hands slide under her shirt and touch her bare skin. His fingers spread wide and far against her back and Sansa hummed in pleasure.
“So,” Jon said, pulling away from her lips, his voice rough. “Does that mean you had a thing for me too?”
Sansa raked her hands to cradle his head, noticing how soft his hair was and pulled him in and planted a soft kiss on him, letting herself take the time to take in how nicely they fit against hers. And how right it felt with his arms wrapped around her.
She dragged his bottom lip between her teeth as she pulled away.
“I plead the fifth.” Sansa whispered, running her nails down his back.
Jon pulled off his shirt in record speed and Sansa couldn’t take her eyes off him. He had some scars on his chest, no doubt from all of the undercover work he does with crime division.
Her fingers lightly traced his scars, wanting to ask but decided against it.
His hands went up her shirt, slowly making its way to her breasts and Sansa felt like he was leaving a wake of heat after him. Sansa felt warmth flood her body and a familiar ache between her legs and Sansa’s grip on his hips tightened.
Then it was as if everything happened at once. Sansa’s hands were at Jon’s waist, helping him throw off his bottoms. She hadn’t even bothered wearing a bra to sleep and the look on Jon’s face when she pulled her top of as well could have very well made his year.
He looked at her like she was unreal.
“Haven’t seen a woman’s breast before?” She teased, not wanting to feel overwhelmed at the focus of his gaze. It was so piercing, and his normal eyes have darkened in want and Sansa’s heart went to her throat.
Jon flipped her over and Sansa’s squealed a little as she jumped on the bed and he was no sitting securely in between her legs.
“No, I have” He said before he pressed his mouth against her neck and Sansa moved it to the side so he could gain more access to it. He nosed it at first, the tip of it leaving her hypersensitive to his breath and his warm lips.
“But I never thought I’d get you in bed so it’s a surreal.”
He kissed her jaw and the hollow in her collarbone before he made his way down to her chest, leaving more open-mouthed kisses. Sansa’s hands found their way and cupped the back of his head. She ran her fingers through his soft, dark curls.
Her mind whirled at those words. How long had he had feelings for her?
“You’re beautiful,” Jon murmured, eyelids low as he cupped her breasts and pressed a kiss to her navel. “So, fucking beautiful.”
Sansa let out a sigh as he dropped more kisses. He slid her pajamas down and Sansa kicked them off, heart thumping as he ran his hands up and down her thighs.
He pressed his hand at her knees and moved his way down, his body making its way down her, letting no part of her untouched by his warm fingers. Then his mouth started down from the V of her breasts, down her hip and along her thighs. She moaned, feeling every part of her was burning but one coherent thought was coming to her at the path this was taking.
“Oh, you don’t have to-”
Jon flicked his eyes up to her and licked his lips, “If you think I’m not going to taste you, you’re mad.” His voice had gotten husky and his accent more pronounced and Sansa’s heart skipped multiple beats.
Sansa gulped, and wet her own lips, her legs already shaking with the thought.
Joffrey was not into that sort of thing and she just sort of assumed guys just don’t do it. Jon was the first to even offer and damn near insist it happen.
Margaery would have tears of joy in her eyes.
He grabbed her legs and Sansa easily slid down the bed and followed his instruction and before she knew it, her legs were wrapped themselves around his shoulders.
He grinned wickedly at her.
“I’ll make it good for you.” He whispered.
Seeing Jon’s mop of curls in between her legs, left her a bit shaken, so she flopped back onto the bed, staring at the ceiling as he pressed those soft kisses at her inner thighs.
Never in her life had she felt so vulnerable. Here she was, legs spread open, wrapped around a man’s neck. And not just any man but Jon and he was about to-.
Oh.
Sansa’s eyes flew open as she felt his fingers spread her open and the first flick of his tongue against her slit. He licked all the way from her hole to her clit and she couldn’t conceal the squeak she made as he flicked his tongue against the bud.
Sansa spread her legs even wider for him, wanting him so badly to get to just do something more. It wasn’t until a few seconds passed, but it felt like minutes, her heart hammering in her chest that she realized he was staring at her, lips glistening,
“Good?” He asked cockily, licking his bottom lip.
She stared, eyes wide, “Are kidding me?”
He laughed, and she sat up, her own hand already making its way down her flushed body to soothe the ache in her pussy herself.
“Don’t tease,” she panted, just as her hand slides down her hip. Jon spotted it right away and he licks his lips, all but knocking her hand out of the way as he buries his head between her thighs again. He licked and kissed and left her throbbing.
Aside from the soft moans she keeps letting out, she keeps her cool fairly well for someone who’s never been eaten out, let alone by someone like Jon, whose tongue was doing sinful things. It’s not until he sucks her clit into his mouth and slides two fingers inside her that she lets out a shout, and tangles her hands in his hair, panting.
The loose grip she had on his hair, tightened as began to lick at her firmly, thick fingers spread. He was hitting these soft of parts of her inner walls with his own fingers in places she could never touch. She could never get deep enough, her fingers were never enough to-
“Jon…” she moaned as hot lips pressed closer to her skin. Her orgasm was so close, she wanted it so bad.
Her hips rose up but the hands at her hip bones held her down and Sansa had never felt so weak and pliant and worshipped so much in her life.
Did he want her to beg? Because that wasn’t fair.But as his fingers slide across her g-spot she realized she wasn’t that far above it. “Jon... stop teasing me…”
When he stopped what he was doing, Sansa wanted to scream.
“Just admit it, Stark.” Jon said, raising his head, the cocky tone in his voice already evident. “You had a thing for me in law school.”
He bit at her inner thigh as she dug her heels to his back. “I will kill you.” She tried to sound threatening but the breathy condition of her voice wasn’t all that convincing. Neither was the fact that his fingers were still inside her and she was continuously clenching down on them.
Jon laughed and Sansa could feel his smile pressed against her thighs and she felt her own lips curl up at the sensation. She couldn’t remember the last time she even smiled during sex or even laughed.
He kept teasing her, because of course he would. His thumb would brush her g-spot, she already knew they were puffy from how wet she was and how much attention he had given her. It wasn’t enough. She was so close.
She shuffled and squirmed but Jon’s firm hand at her hips was unrelenting and he kept stroking her hips with his thumb of one hand, while the other worked mercilessly inside of her.
Her breath stuttering and hands fluttering for purchase. They ended up tangled in the sheets as he played with her relentlessly. It was all too much. His slick, hot mouth, his thick long fingers.
Sansa gulped in air and pulled at his hair, barely thinking but she knew his name kept spilling from her lips.
“JonJonJon...”
Sansa couldn’t even find anything else to say, because this man was consuming her entire body. Her pussy was throbbing, her hands twisting and untwisting between the bedsheets and his hair. Everything was getting to be too much.
He licked at her clit as one of his fingers hooked around her, touching the more sensitive parts of her inner walls and Sansa fisted the sheets at spikes of heat rising up on her skin.
“Jon-” her voice pitched higher, “Jon I’m going to-”
“It’s alright, babe,” Jon said soothingly, “Come for me.”
Her voice cut off as a wave of heat and euphoria rushed over her and Sansa’s eyes fluttered shut as she let out nearly a shout and a sigh with Jon’s name being the only decipherable word.
It took her a minute to come down, and when she did, he pressed a soft kiss to her inner thigh and Sansa couldn’t help the little smile or the way her heart turned over in her chest at the gesture.
Her legs shook a little and Jon carefully pulled them off his shoulders. He situated himself between her legs and she shamelessly opened her legs wider for him.
“What marks did I get?” Jon whispered in her ear and Sansa turned her head towards him, cheeks flushing at his bright eyes. She felt stupid for being so shy now, but she was always like this.
“Top marks.” She responded, fingering the scars that riddled his chest. She raised her hand up to his jaw and pulled him in, kissing him nice and slow tasting herself but not caring. He pulled back and gave her this grin, something that she had never been given. It was bright and had an edge of fondness that was making her heart feel a little tight because his eyes were crinkling in the corners and-
Sansa hated how she sort of liked that he could make her heart flutter with just a change of expression. How easy it was for her to dive back into the feelings she had hidden away for so long.
Jon hummed as she ran a finger absentmindedly down his neck and throat.
“I did think you were cute.” Sansa said finally, thinking it was unfair for him to be transparent and not reciprocate.
Jon’s loud laugh was worth giving a bit of her pride over.
Sansa gave him a once over after catching her breath and tried to commit the image of him to memory. His defined arms and long legs, his mop of curls and abs...so strong and warm and though his skin wasn’t smooth and flawless, Sansa couldn’t help but like it even more because of that. She had scars too.
Jon began to drop kisses on her neck and Sansa couldn’t help but smile.
Every other word, he peppered kisses on her body and Sansa felt a little high at the attention he was giving her.
“Jon…” she sighed, thinking of his lean, warm body and how she wanted to touch every part of him. How she wanted to feel him everywhere. She straddled him, feeling his hard dick pressed against her. “I want you inside me.”
She leaned down, pressing her chest against his and kissed him deeply. She pushed him down, so she was on top of him and smirked, as Jon just stared up at her. When he saw her smirk, he rolled her over, so she was under him, his weight pressing firmly against her. He buried his face in her neck, at first she thought he was embarrassed but then she felt his teeth, digging in and clearly leaving a hickey for all to see.
He bracketed his elbows around her head and for a moment they just looked at one another. Her eyes taking in his long lashes and flushed skin.
The silence broke as Sansa licked her lips, hand moving down his chest, but she couldn’t quite reach what she wanted.
“Jon, I need you inside of me, please,” she asked softly, blue eyes wide.
He groaned and rested his forehead against her collarbone. “Don’t just say things like that.”
Sansa laughed. “Why? And you can say things like before?” She ran her nails down his back. “That’s not fair, now is it?” She began to rock a little forward, humming at the feeling of him against her. So close to where she wanted him to be. Needed him to be. Despite having already came, she still felt empty, she needed him deep inside, fucking her, filling her up.
“Come on, Jon” She whispered. “I need you.”
He nipped at her collarbone. And then he reached over to the dresser and grabbed a condom. Sansa heart raced as he put it on and her fingers fluttered in anticipation. Finally.
“Spread your legs for me, babe.” Jon said in a hushed voice. His hand wrapped around her thigh and he spreads her a bit wider, his hand gripped his cock and she sucked in a breath as he entered her.
She could barely breathe, but it was as if whatever she was holding in loosened a bit at the feel of him. He didn’t give her any time to adjust but she didn’t need him to. His cock was big, and thick, stretching her in a way she hasn’t been, in ever.
She’s focused on breathing, and not clenching down the way she wanted to, when he paused. She almost lets out an honest to god whine and couldn’t help the way she clenches just to keep him in.
“Are you okay?” He said. She realizes she’s been staring down the whole time and she looks up at him. His face is pink and his baby hairs were curling with a ferocity at the small bead of sweat collecting there. The muscles in his arms are firmly corded and he looks like he’s shaking a bit. It honestly makes her almost laugh and coo but instead, she just have a coy smirk.
“Are you okay big guy?”
He rolls his eyes and she doesn’t think sex has ever been this fun or genuine. Except then he’s pushing in again.
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
She’s practically shaking herself, trying to keep still. She wanted to beg him to go faster, but she knows they’re both barely hanging on. When he bottoms out, she moaned loudly and let out a low “fuck” that had Jon’s grip on her tighten.
He felt so good and stretching her just right, and she wanted him to move faster right now. She squeezed around him, and tilted her hips up, just trying to get him a bit deeper, just for a minute, when Jon let out a groan.
“You gotta give me a minute, babe, just, stop, a minute, or this is gonna be over really quick,” he panted, bringing one hand to her hip, and trying to still it.
She didn’t want to wait, she wanted him right now, she wants to feel him deep inside her, feel him come, clench around him so tightly as she comes on his beautiful cock, and she may have just said that all aloud because Jon is looking at her like he wanted to devour her.
But a part of kept in mind that he actually wanted to make it good for her too and just get his and she loved it but right now she wanted to be fucked.
He braced himself on one elbow, and the other hand wraps tightly around her thigh, as he eased himself out, almost all the way, and fucks slowly back in.
Sansa let out a moan, her nails digging into his back. “Please, harder.”
She’s usually not much of a talker in bed, but she feels coiled tight, ready to explode. Jon speeds up, pulling out of her and slamming back in, the bed shakes and he does it again,
“Shit, Sansa, you’re so tight. You feel amazing.”
“You too,” she gasped, as pushed her leg up on his hip so he can get deeper. .
“I can’t believe,” she cuts herself off with a moan as Jon hits her g-spot, “right there, fuck, please, I can’t believe we could have been doing this for,” she let out a long moan and his smile widened.
He leaned down to suck a nipple into his mouth and she arched her back. He flicked it with his tongue and in return she clenched around him, raising her hips to meet his.
He moaned her name and she felt her lips tugging up, pushing a hand through his hair as he moves to her other nipple. Her other hand plays with the still damp one, twisting it. It’s only a few minutes later when Jon lifts his head from where it’s been buried in her neck, panting.
“I’m not gonna last much longer, I’m sorry, this is not, it’s not always,” he can’t seem to get the words out, and she won’t let him slow down, moving her legs to wrap around his back.
“No, it’s ok, I’m close too, harder,” she says, leaning up to capture his mouth. The kiss is dirty and he tongue fucks her mouth in the same pace he’s fucking her, “Jon come on,” she begs, bringing a couple fingers up to her mouth to lick. She slides them down to her clit, but she barely breathes a sigh of relief before he’s knocking her hand away,
“No.”
He’s relentless as he rubs her clit, she began to pant and her hips buck and then he moves faster as her chest heaved.
“Come on babe, want you to come for me. I wanna watch your eyes roll back in your head as you come on my cock, you think you can do that for me?”
Sansa nodded eagerly, and then Jon began to move in the way she’s been wanting this entire time. He went fast, pinning her hands near her head as he moved in quick, rough strokes. Her breasts pressed again his chest as he pounded into her, faster and harder in a way that would send her over the edge.
“I’ve wanted to have you since law school now I get to feel you and touch your fucking amazing body…” Jon said in a low voice near her ear. “I’ve wanted you so long, babe… come on… I want to feel you come around me.”
Those words were probably what did her in. She clutched at his shoulder and cried out as she reached her peak.
She clenched around his cock. His strokes didn’t relent and she felt him reach his right after her. She couldn’t see his face but she could feel dick twitching inside her and she shivered.
When they finally come down, Jon’s all but collapsed on top of her, their sweaty chests sticking together. It’s a few minutes before he pulled out of her, and disposed of the condom.
“That was-“ Jon started, flopping back on the bed next to her.
“Earth shattering?” She offered, cutting him off.
“Life changing.” He looked a little too proud of himself.
Sansa whacked him against the chest, “Shut up.”
“Already back to our bossy ways I see.”
“You love it when I’m bossy,” she said turning to face him. He gifted her with one of those brilliant smiles but instead of responding he just leaned in and kissed her and Sansa didn’t mind at all.
**
The following morning, Jon got a voicemail from Mormont telling them that the agents on the case were able to get do some intel without them seeing as how they weren’t going to make it on time.
Jon also didn’t like the tone the other man had when he told them that he and Sansa were at a hotel for the night.
“You two conduct yourselves as you would have before. And have a safe flight back home.” Mormont said. “And be nice to her. The last thing she needs is your sass, Snow.”
It was like he raised her or something with how protective he was of her. Jon rolled his eyes as he set down his phone.
If only he had known how nice he had been. He had been nice four times over in fact. Jon did not think he would ever forget the sound of her moaning his name in his entire life.
Jon set down his phone and turned to his side and looked over at her. She was dressed in her pajamas again relayed the news back to her.
A little bit disappointment went across her face. “So, back home we go?”
Jon bit his lip and looked down at his watch. “Well, our flight doesn’t leave until tomorrow.” He took a step closer to her. “So, we have some time…. To focus on other things.”
Sansa raised her brow. “And what exactly will that be?”
“Just how many more times I can get you to scream my name.” Jon said, with a wicked grin on his face.
He chuckled as her face began to match her hair. Her mouth opened and shut and it was really so endearing to see her speechless.
Jon crawled over to her. “Let’s start with slow, yeah?” Jon said quietly.
Sansa cheeks bloomed even further but she nodded and pulled him closer. And Jon had never in his life been so glad to have his flight delayed in his life.
“By the way, I did not scream your name.” Sansa said.
Jon squeezed her thighs. “You sure did, babe.” He took off his shirt and threw it at her head. She yanked it off and glared at him a little. “But I’ll remind you soon enough.”
And then Jon got to work.
#heyitselsa#allisonswan#gotsecretsanta#jonsa#jonsa fic#jonsaff#jonsacentric#jonsafw#mickey-mousemilkovich#hope you all enjoy!!! but especially#maii#again thanks for your patience#my work
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Navaratri Mandapam-Trivandrum- You are missed sorely in 2020!
From 2015 through 2019-, if there was one event I would not miss, it was this. And I would invariably rant about it after coming back. Except for 2017, where the kucheri was just a few days after my father passing away-which I did not miss nevertheless.
This was an “incountournable”treasure of a concert- for the ambience, for the aura, for everything divine about the place and above all for Sanjay Subrahmanyan of course - who, in 2019 ( if am not mistaken), had to use his left hand for the thaalam owing to an injury.
I remember how in 2016, I had a small tiff with my work managers on my absence for their “Saraswathi Pooja”- My priorities were clearly elsewhere :)
And somehow, if S.Varadarajan is not there, the experience seems incomplete even though the other stalwarts still make the experience out of the world ( As is evident in my write ups below).
I know a lot of things come in the way which make this kucheri difficult to attend -like Navaratri unmissable daily Pooja, work, school holidays, sold out tickets etc. But I never imagined that this year the event itself would not be possible:(
Two whole years seems like too long a wait-hoping we would be able to get back to this Trivandrum haven of ours in 2021.
* Navaratri Mandapam 2019 *
I think there is an innate urge in all of us to lean on the past... on heritage...from time to time. We all would like to run away from the perils of the modern world into the safety of time tested tradition- it gives us comfort and peace. It is probably in search of this musical comfort that I attended the kucheri of ShriSanjay Subrahmanyan
at the Navaratri Mandapam for the 5th consecutive year. If I am not mistaken it was Saveri, Naatakurinji, Thodi, Kalyani and this year/today Sankarabharanam. Writing about Shri Sanjay could be considered a cliché . But then, the brilliance of his Shankarabharabam today - those manoeuvres of the raagam that blended with the soft lights of those oil lamps and the serenity in the heads of everyone who listened , some with eyes closed and some as still as those flowers.... Shri Sanjay remains a mystic both in his usual “Effervescence -is -my -middle -name” avatar and in a venue like this, with his “Rishi -like “ looks and that magic wand of tranquility he waves through his music
And it’s important to celebrate this mag/mus-ician, each time he conjures up his mus/mag-icFor the careful listener, lyrics are sacrosanct. And while Maharaja Swati Thirunal ( whose Navaratri Kritis are sung on these 9 days at the Navaratri Mandapam) composed in Sanskrit, his compositions are clearly different from other Sankrit compositions, for example those of Dikshitar. And these subtleties cannot be brought out any better than by a seasoned knowledgeable and dedicated performer like Shri Sanjay.... whose Devi Jagajjanani today will be on the list of his Shankarabaranesque signatures such as Buddhi Raadhu or Muthukumarayyane or Akshaya Linga Vibho.....
Anyone who screams internally with ecstasy at the Sanjay+Sankarabharanam combo would have had his/ her feast day tonight! Also, as a Kathakali Rasika, I often dream of Shri Sanjay singing Kathakali padhams. His Aandolika Vaahane in Anandha Bhairavi was sort of a consolation for me... he singing in Malayalam plus the rhythmic singing which closely resembled a Kathakali padham. The heart saying “ Idhu mathiyallo”
Beyond the specifics of the music and musical brilliance, the personalities seated there including Shri Sanjay,Avaneeswaram S R Vinu( Violin)Nanjil Shri Arul( Mridangam) , Alathur Shri Rajaganesh ( Kanjira) the audience , the temple authorities, the window behind us through which the Raja used to watch the concert... it all seemed like we were re- playing an experience of a few centuries... almost like the DNAs of everyone- our ancestors who composed and performed such music, the kings who were patrons of our culture and everyone present to listen... the DNAs of them in us were reactivated to completely relive the experience of the past.
It felt like we were our own ancestors from many centuries ago! Our time in this earth is but a speck of eternity. And it is up to us to choose how we would spend that time. For me, atleast one day in a year will be spent in this mellifluously mystical experience- with the feminine motifs of the Devi all over, with those ample flower decorations, with the soft sounds of the drizzle as the background ( like today) , with those completely engrossed rasikas in the traditional mundu, and with Shri Sanjay’s voice encompassing it all... those soft lamps and their lights, as I saw it, swayed to the Sankarabharanam today...In a venue where applause is prohibited ( because the music is considered an offering to the Divine) when lit again and again, they will incessantly applaud and tell tales of one of the best Carnatic musicians ever, to the generations to come...
Navaratri Mandapam Concert 2018 of Shri Sanjay Subrahmanyan
The word Kalyani in Sanskrit means many things. It means “ beautiful, lovely, auspicious”. It also directly refers to the Goddess ( Parvati or Shakti) Today was a Kalyani evening, in every sense of the term. Kalyani ( beautiful) was the ambience. Soft oil lamps, ample flower decorations, the feeling of melting sand under the foot, leading to the Mandapam. Everyone dressed traditionally. Everyone transported to a bygone era , everyone trying to relive those days where light meant ONLY oil lamps. One could argue with me but something about the traditional set up including traditional clothes goes very well with traditional music - even if you are an agnostic,with this kind of a set up, you can feel an element of musical divinity pervading the atmosphere. Which cannot be found even in the best of performance auditoriums. In that sense the Navaratri Mandapam ambience is always pure “ Kalyani”. Kalyani ( auspicious) was the event. Day 2 of Navaratri. Shri Sanjay being accompanied by Trivandrum Shri Sampath on the violin. Nanjil Shri Arul on the Mridangam. And Vazhappally Shri Krishnakumar on the Ghatam. An unexpected team. Some new beginnings. Kalyani was the main raagam of the evening. Pahimam Shri Vaageeshwari being the Swati Thirunal Kriti. Shri Sanjay to us , is no more an individual whose music we will analyse. He is a phenomenon, whose magnificence is well beyond established- left only to be discovered. This “phenomenon “ensured that the raagam Kalyani flowed through the spaces which were left unfulfilled by the decorations in the Navaratri Mandapam. His Kalyani took many forms. The form of a Sampoorna raagam with all notes, with the capability to provide all nuances to the compulsive musical analyst.To a divinity struck soul, the music brought Kalyani,the Goddess to air. She could be felt not just as a Vigraham but as a force somewhere around the artists. And somewhere around us. A force which responded to us, which was compelled to be present there simply by the beauty of the Raagam that was being sung.Kalyani ( Goddess Parvati) was the evening. And finally Kalyani ( lovely) was this team. Each player complemented the other and it was lovely to hear an unusual team together. Sometimes ( actually always) Kalyani is Shri Sanjay’s demeanour during a concert. While transporting everyone to a world of serious music, he sprinkles a bit of his cheer by connecting and converging with his audience - his electric smiles igniting more electric smiles in that quiet atmosphere, however never failing the solemnity. Auspiciously beautiful, and to linger forever- blessed by the Goddess and “touch wood”( literally and figuratively for Kerala temples mean a lot of wood ) to all concerned- That Kalyani evening was formidably Kalyani - all the way!
Navaratri Mandapam Concert- by Shri Sanjay Subrahmanyan
Mala Pkv·Tuesday, 11 October 2016·
Reading time: 5 minutes 632 reads
So what is this Navaratri Mandapam concert? It is an annual concert series that is held at the Navaratri Mandapam adjacent to the Padmanabhaswami temple in Trivandrum. This has been a 100 plus- year old festival where great musicians and stalwarts have performed. What’s so different about this concert from the others? I hear you ask. This is not a regular concert but one that happens as a “samarpanam” to the Goddess. So everyone including the artists and audience are expected to be adhering to norms- The gentlemen are to be in veshti/mundu and the women in sarees- the concert happens in front of the “Devi”’s sannadhi and no artifical lighting allowed. Tall oil lamps will light the concert platform that is decorated elaborately with flowers. Nobody is allowed to clap or get up and leave half way through the concert-everyone leaves after the concert finishes and the rituals are complete for the deity. A tradition that is rigidly followed , and when adhered to, gives oneself and the air-a complete aura of divinity and that blissful feeling of traveling back in time.
Shri Sanjay Subrahmanyan, for those who do not know, is a South Indian classical vocalist, of the Carnatic tradition. He is a stalwart of the current times and regularly sings at the Navaratri Mandapam festival- At this festival, the songs sung are the compositions of Maharaja Shri Swati Thirunal- Who had composed many kritis- and specifically nine Kritis (songs)for the nine days of Navaratri.
This year Shri Sanjay elaborated on the raaga Naatakurinji and the kriti was Pahi Janani.With that introduction to the novice, let me get into what this year meant to me. I am now part of a group of people that regularly attends Shri Sanjay’s concerts -we make schedules, form groups, have conference calls and hop cities, just to listen to him . Coming to think of it, its become sort of a cliche and one could easily wonder what’s so special about these experiences. What makes us want to do it over and over again?If I have to frame it in one line its that feeling of experiencing something “Larger Than Life”. Shri Sanjay Subrahmanyan is that wondrous artist, who NEVER takes his audience for granted. In tangible terms, it could be the choice of kritis, the work that goes into it, the audience-sensitive approach, the rare combination of genius+reach. But beyond all this, there is something larger than life to it. Something that makes the listener break down internally, all the elements merging into his music that fills the air. That sense of self- blurring in that “collective” atmosphere. That connect which just can’t be put in words or explained in alpha and beta terms. Something that makes you feel you have been extremely fortunate and handpicked to be part of that experience..Which is why, personally to me as a rasika, a Sanjay concert cannot be just a list of songs-
Yes we go there for the kritis, we love the raagams, we would love to delve deep into his swarams -and specifically in the Navaratri mandapam concert, his Bhaavam rules. You open your eyes, you can hear his voice provide perfect backdrop to that darkness lit by oil lamps. You close your eyes, you feel the bhaavam in his music which touches the innermost chamber of your soul....and you travel somewhere beyond Shri Sanjay’s mortal presence and your mortal presence in that mandapam. And in that realm, the details fade. It doesn’t matter whether he sings an unfamiliar raagam (Bhavapriya) or whether he sings something as familiar as Mamava Sadha Janani. With Shri Sanjay, it doesn’t matter!! For it all merges into ONE experience.:)))
HAVING SAID THAT I write this note because, I also received requests of details of the concert so here they are : Sarasijanabha - Khambodi Ada thala Varnam
Mamava Sada - Kanada
Palaya Sada - Nalinakanti
Mamava Asrita - Bhavapriya
Pahi Janani - Natakurinji
Bhavaye - Punnagavarali
Karuna Nidhan - Charukesi
Reena Madaanuta - Behag
And what musicians, we are fortunate to listen to along with Shri Sanjay. Shri Varadarajan Santhanam whose excellence seems to be peaking with each passing concert-He takes the experience to whole new levels, as the regular listener can easily gage. Shri Varadu is not just that stalwart violinist, he is also that rasika, who along with us completely enjoys the experience, and he always speaks like a rasika too. Do not be surprised when you hear “The concert was awesome” from him after the concert-For its that essential rasika in him that speaks :) Nanjil Shri Arul and Shri Sudheer on the mridangam and ghatam respectively,those undertones that were sheer suddha shruthi to the ears. And in that lamp -lit darkness, the tone-perfect percussion provided the perfect balance to the bhaavam emerging from the vocals and the violin.
And our favorite Vidwan Neyveli B Venkatesh sir, had also joined us as a rasika, we all sat in silence as this larger than life experience unfolded in those couple of hours. I would recommend this experience to any rasika of pure music, and particularly every fan of Shri Sanjay and his team. This experience is worth leaving behind your kolus for a few hours, whereas it would be a major regret if you don’t have the experience even once in your lifetime :) And as I reminisce on last year’s Devi Paavane in Saveri, and this year’s Pahi Janani in Naatakurinji, I know my drives and waits and spaces in time would be filled by the recordings of these, discussions and debates with fans from everywhere and particularly God’s Own Country- for the next 365 days... And I await more precious raagams and renditions from this team in the years to come. And we will continue to form friendships, make memories and travel for, by and of Shri Sanjay’s music.....And continue to break down in uncontrollable tears like I did for his beautiful Bhavapriya 48 hours back...
Navratri Mandapam concert of Shri Sanjay Subrahmanyan :2015
First of all no snaps are allowed to be shot here - so let me try to " paint a picture " using words Imagine a vintage mandapam adjacent to the Padmanabhaswami temple. Complete with the ancient Kerala style sloped tiles -and the " old world" feel maintained. The only trace of modernity being the detector which detects if you are carrying anything unwanted or prohibited inside the premises. Before you enter you are required to deposit your bags in the cloak room, change to traditional wear - sarees for women and dhotis for the men. The menfolk are not allowed to wear shirts so they can be seen clad in the vasthrams - the traditional way. So even as you enter ,your mind is tuned to the " times that were" and you stand in a queue to reach the sannadhi of Devi.
The gabled roof as you can see is decorated with flowers- you see tall traditional lamps at all corners - and you walk past , go to the sannadhi of Devi , get Her Dharshan walk around again across the floor covered with pure sand. Go around again and take your seats on the floor right opposite a wall with a painting a of the Devi and her lion. A space of about 3 feet between the audience and the performers. Lights just enough to ensure the artists are seated and then the lights are off. One is back to the ancient times of the world - softly lit by oil lamps . T
There is a certain effect when the entire concert by Shri Sanjay is listened to, in this ambience - whether you believe in the Divine or not, you will feel a sure and certain sense of divinity slowly crawling beneath your veins and finally overwhelming you. The team was Shri Varadarajan on the violin, Shri Harikumar on the Mridangam and Shri Rajaganesh on the Kanjira. There was also a Ghatam artist who looked like he regularly played exclusively at that venue. ( Shri P.L Sudheer )With that tone for the concert set, imagine Shri Sanjay's priceless Kalyani, Anandha Bhairavi, Natakurinji, Khamas, Kapi, Surati, ( to name a few)flowing one after the other with Maharaja Swati Thirunaal's lyrical beauty.
With the RTP being in Saveri as already published. Shri Sanjay did not change the way he usually presents. The same pot pourri of elegance, alternation of pace between super fast and slow chowkam, the same demeanour of joy that he usually exudes and the same eye contact with his audience despite the low lights.But somehow, the oil lamps, the soft natural lighting, the painting of the Goddess which is the background for the performers and the near- darkness enhances the concentration and therefore the sounds of the voices and the instruments sound like something is being played in our sub conscious brains, somewhere in a state of meditation. Thoughts and observations stay out of the mind, the mind is tuned to a meditative state and therefore Shri Sanjay's singing takes a " viswaroopam" and it sounds ten times more pleasing than it normally would.
Shri Varadarajan's violin sounding like how music would sound in Heaven and one could even clearly hear the Shruthi or the tone to which the percussion piece is being performed by the superlative percussionists.Without the distraction of lights , scenes that unfold due to lights, thoughts that take over due to the scenes that unfold,and all the noise that follows in the mind-All that one could see,was focused " lost in time and space" listeners - and the entire atmosphere being tuned to Shri Sanjay's musical depth.And for us -the mad chennai listeners, we were so tempted to applaud loud after each piece but here is a place where no applause is allowed since the rendition is for the Goddess- another unique feature!
Pure meditative listening with the music sounding enhanced by divinity -this is an experience that no fan of Shri Sanjay and his team should ever miss - even if it means you got to travel several miles across the globe- The saveri will linger to eternity just as any other raagam that he sang will. And finally, if an event can be included in the wonders of the world, this would be IT!
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Smokey brand Movie Reviews: Open Wide
A few weeks back, i saw an advertisement for a flick called Run coming to Netflix. I thought it looked interesting but i really paid it no mind because it’s on Hulu. Cats can always watch it whenever s i out it on the back burner. It dropped last Friday, i think. I had planned to check it out in a week or two, but the reviews for this thing started dropping and they were glowing. This was enough to pique my interest. What really caught my attention was the fact that the co-lead, Kiera Allen was announced as Barbara Gordon for that Titans show on HBOMax. Considering both the actress and the character use a wheel chair, that means we're getting a proper Oracle and i cannot be more hype! Admittedly, I've never been a huge fan of Babs as Batgirl, my favorite is definitely Casandra Cain, but Babs a Oracle? That sh*t felt real right! This casting feels right, just from what I've inferred Allen’s performance through those reviews i watched. So, instead of waiting. I've decided to check this thing out now and see for myself if it stands up as one of the best this year.
The Exceptional
Before we get into anything, i just need to commend the adroit direction exhibited by Aneesh Chaganty with this movie. It’s crafted SO goddamn well, for so many reasons. I can gush about this dude’s technique for the entire review but that would be a disservice to literally everything else that makes this experience so brilliant. There is definitely a Hitchcockian edge to Run that Chaganty captures effortlessly, but it’s never an imitation or plagerisim. That sense of unease comes naturally with the story being told and the clarity of Chaganty’s vision for these characters.
As if to drive the point about Chaganty’s ability home, aside from the fact that he’s only twenty-nine and delivering sh*t like this onscreen, dude also has a writing credit on this. He f*cking wrote this movie, too. That level of auteur creativity bodes incredibly well when navigated with aplomb. It;s hard to do for lesser director, Zack Snyder comes to mind, but when it’s executed to it’s full potential, you get brilliance like this.
Off the top, Sarah Paulson is absolutely excellent. She usually is. Paulson is one of those rare talents that uplifts straight up schlock with her raw talent and it’s always a pleasure watching her do it. She did it with the absurd Bird Box. She did it with the over-the-top Ratched. She did it every season she was on AHS. She does it naturally and, when there is actually something to dig into, when the part has some bite, Paulson can work miracles. Her antagonistic turn as Diane Sherman stands next to Kathy Bates and Amy Dunham as one of the most vicious, calculating, and cruel femme fatales to ever be captured in modern cinema.
Kiera Allen is f*cking amazing as our heroine, Chloe Sherman. I literally just gushed about Sarah Paulson but Kiera is JUST as incredible in this movie. She had to be. It’s her movie. Paulson gets top billing, of course, she’s Sarah Paulson, but this movie is not a film without Allen. She is more than capable to match Paulson’s energy, more than capable of elevated this script. You feel her panic and desperation, every second of that struggle. It’s both exhausting and captivating, testament to the raw ability Allen displays. Considering this is just her second credit, i look forward with great anticipation for what comes next in her career.
There is a distinct authenticity to Allen’s performance as she, herself, is really wheel chair reliant in life. I commend the production for actually casting a properly disabled actress for the lead in this flick but, more than that, when Chole is struggling with her mobility, that sh*t is true to reality. It’s grueling to see, stressful to witness, and raises the sheer theatricality of this entire ninety minute run time
The tension in this movie is f*cking insane! It starts fast, grabs your throat, and never let’s go. You’re right there with Chloe, every step of the way, being inundated with the quiet viciousness of her mother, the things she’d do to keep her daughter locked away, to feed her delusion, and its f*cking horrifying. There is a deliberate, escalating, pace to the unnerving violence presented on film. It’s rare that a movie can hit me as hard as this one. It’s no Uncut Gems but it’s still one of the stressful times I've ever experienced on film.
Run is f*cking beautiful. The camerawork displayed is exceptional. Every shot with Chloe as she grapples with her plight, feels brutally intimate, almost intrusive in nature. Every close up of Paulson as she spins her wed of deceit feels detached and inhuman. The cinematography is just that powerful. Every pan, fade, transition; All of it is expertly crafted and visually striking. This is one of the best looking movies released so far this year. i kn ow that’s slim pickings but, truly, this flick is a gem for the eye.
The sound design in this thing is an actual character, itself, and deserves a proper mention. All that tension i spoke of earlier? None of that is possible without that inflicting, stressful, score. It compliments the increasing sinister tone to this film perfectly, another feather in the cap of Aneesh Chaganty.
There is a lot, like the most, show-don’t-tell in this thing and i respect the f*ck out of it. The narrative isn’t difficult to flow or anything but it doesn’t hold our hand with a sh*t ton of verbal exposition. It trusts the audience enough to allow them to engage, use their intellect in an effort to tell a far more compelling, far more engaging story. That sh*t is rare, especially in this age of Hollywood Bayhem. It’s incredibly refreshing to see such a well crafted film like this one, especially when you consider how difficult it is to craft such a purely visual experience.
The Ugh
There are some things that happen in service to the plot, some “movie” things that need to occur in order to properly tell the story. They’re aren’t many but everything else about this flick is so tight, so well thought out and put together that, when these things pope up, they are very, VERY, pronounced and, for a split second, kind of pull you out of the experience. I don’t think the majority of the movie going audience would have such an averse reaction to them as i did, most cats don’t pick apart movies like i do, but I'd be lying if i said that stuff didn’t get under my skin a little.
This thing should have been released in theaters, man. Seriously, the way this film is shot, the way the sound design hits, the way it’s lingering shots rest; All of this would have been far more impactful on the big screen with a proper sound system. This is definitely not a knock n the film, itself, this thing is f*cking amazing, it’s just, as i watch this, i can see it impacting as strong as Hereditary, Suspiria, or The VVitch, if it had an opportunity for a proper theatrical run.
This thing is only ninety minutes and it’s a brisk ninety to boot. You’re in it, it’s in you, then it’s over and you’re left wanting so much more. I wanted so much more anyway. That’s testament to the inspired crafting of this movie, man. Again, not a knock, just something that irked me.
The Verdict
Yo, i f*cking loved this movie. It’s one of the best crafted, well written, and tension filled film experiences I've had in years. These characters are that compelling, the direction is that dazzling, and this narrative is that gripping. Run is a pure thriller but it feels like the best Slasher I've seen in decades, minus all of the gore. It’s all atmosphere and inference and i adore every second of it. The strength of this film is easily carried in the shoulders of two performances that, if this were a regular year in film, should definitely be considered for all of the awards. Sarah Paulson is her requite brilliant but newcomer Kiera Allen is just as shiny, just as great, and its her manically desperate energy that carries this bundle of stress across to it’s finish. F*ck, that last scene in the hospital? Are you kidding me?? Run is one of the best films released this year and deserves all of the clout it can get, all of the eyes on it. It’s an exceptionally crafted film with great performances and a level of atmosphere that rivals f*cking Alien. I can’t say it’s my favorite movie of the year, Palm Springs still holds that title, but it only has the slightest of edges over Run. Both are excellent. Both are on Hulu. Go watch them right now.
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Post 1; the signs as I see them now
I see astrology as a tool to see people in a more inter dimensional way, and the signs are all based on my personal POV on the signs now
Aries; Frustrastion is a key word here, wether it’s at themselves or the world or their own emotions/love life they get mad and stay mad. But thing is it’s not always an external blow up it’s usually internal, now some may be more showy than others, but most will have a charismatic youthful attitude. Always the one cussing up a storm (will probably try and fight you and then pussy out) and most times love showing off how pretty they are. I read somewhere how Aries ruled the Amazonian women, powerful and strong warriors full of wisdom, yet full of youth and beauty, if only they could contain the fires long enough to make them roar. Their emotions heat up and stay on until their gone, they probably need space and time to think it all through. They cry a lot more than people would think they do, they feel very set on fire by emotions and that all the arguments and ordeals are “stupid” in a lot of ways. It’s like they need a moment to scream it out till they reach the epiphany that they know how to deal with it. Always feeling like they need to be strong, or that their feelings are “stupid” or wrong.
Taurus; champagne kisses tbh; being a Taurus stellium myself I try not to over exaggerate the Tauren vibe. We have a sense of pride attached to it all, not wanting to admit fault in order to change. We take pride in what we attain and achieve; most times we haven’t had the chance to obtain for ourselves or don’t normally buy things so when we do we make it worth while and nice. That’s why we savor it all, Love, food and travel for some, nature and spirituality for others. Cause at some point it’s all over and we’re left just feeling empty about it, a moment of bliss is impermanent and that pains us. I can be a total mom friend or drunk friend lost at a party. Some of us business inclined to a fault, always on a call and dealing with something emotional or business. Lots of worry. Becoming comfortable with feminist ideals and feminine aspects of yourself at some point in life maybe even obsessed. Having confronted or trying to confront feeling on love; Always learning in love. The emotional side can feel like we want to keep common sense about feelings but when it’s too much I can’t take it anymore and bellow out in frustration. Trying to be loving, to learn, to be peaceful and sociable can seem daunting at times. Some Taurus are lost in vanity and superficiality, other their mind and thoughts. A Taurus always has deep thoughts and most times loves to write them down or dwell on the past or pains. Probably needs to talk about it but is eitherresisting out of guilt or fear. They don’t wanna speak unless they know for sure. And that leaves them vulnerable to problems with love and lost opportunities, it’s almost like a Scorpio in a sense of endless thoughts that leave you darkened in the soul and restless. It’s a melancholic Lana del Rey/ Adele vibe, a beaten Aphrodite and damsel in distress.
Gemini; most say evil, I say if aspected tbh. Gemini energy I will say is fickle, and can run rampant and fast and if you can’t keep up, out of your reach. Honestly sweet babies tbh always learning something, music, art, litterateur, but could be math and sciences. Really any Gemini can be added to a persuit of knowledge for gained efforts. If they’re docile they’re sad, feeling trapped, unfulfilled. Probably has gifts or trophies of new things or places. inquisitive and most times giggly as hell when they make a pun on accident or run into a funny fact. But at times problematic at the end results they come to, probably got lost and forgot to pay attention to E V E R Y detial and fact. Did I mention they think fast or not at all? it’s like they’re running with all they’re facts reading them out one by one but they dropped a scroll in their mind on the way to tell you. Prone to a brain fart, LOVES to PARTY, can be on different levels but they at least love alcohol. The emotions can be ignored completely at times as they go about life but at some point they realize their actions have consequences, very trial and error approach to life. the emotions well up in an instant as things clicked and all made sense.
Cancer; charts that lack water like mine seek out water energy. It’s like a subconscious counter balance. Don’t eat me alive but i think all water signs are here to kill us 💀(another story). Of the three water signs cancer is like white energy or benevolent magic. They’re loving and sweet. Always remembering the little things. Its inviting like this warm milk bath full of rose water. You feel calmed in its embrace you’re at peace. But then something changed and you don’t know what. You start to pay attention and you notice the bath went cold. Their eyes went from warm and inviting to wide opened and cold. Wether it’s distance, manipulation, or just sadness that flows into everyone. They take you back to the past, remembering every relationship, every word, every moment they held close to heart. Taking you though all that and almost drowning you in words to either hurt you or truly express their hurt, it’s a fine line. They then settle and the energy returns and it’s like it all never happened and you wonder so much “how??” it’s beyond words. Sometimes they’re the most sensitive, other times they’re the coldest people alive until you pry them open. This pure light looked the same even when it felt like nothing was there, no warmth, just chills.
Leo; showmanship is a broad term with them. Wether it’s sun or moon they want to shine somewhere. Sports can be a typical one, they can have serious careers and want to have a known reputation. The recognition of their actions keeps them fueled. In some cases they’re this vain archetype. Plain and negative, they can’t let themselves shine because they feel the need to second guess themselves and blend in or they just put others down for their own self esteem so they look better . In other cases they shine so bright they lead thorough natural ability in whatever they do , they don’t say they’re the leader everyone else does. They invent and create new and inventive ways to do things and most times want to help people and have a kind and enthusiastic sense of being. Most likely found with Aries energy. Things can feel dramatic from their point of view, feelings feel like a Whitney Houston song. A melody of beautiful sadness or a symphony of selected songs plucked on heart strings. They don’t like to heat up when they shine, anger can come out of direct need to express how undone or unjust they feel and can feel limited in expressing it at times. A very inner monologue that sounds like a lifetime movie with a “why me” attitude. It’s like one upsetting thing brings a wave of emotional issues, like cancer they remember all the little things but it’s not consuming like ice cold cancer waters that freeze the heart, it burns them alive in a consuming frenzy of thoughts emotions and half played scenes of melodrama in their head.
Virgo; the one I really can’t say the most about bc I’ve had the adsolute worst experience. But what I can say is that you’re tactful, and like libra about balance at times. Virgin and the vixen is how I like to describe it. Everyone sees this well put together type of person, nice strong, politely nice but nothing too deep unless you’re close. But on the inside of things it’s a lot different most times. Cascading hallways of memories and experiences. Since it’s an earth sign ruled by mercury I see it as like the daughter of Gemini and Taurus, strong mind but deeper thoughts. Propbably stresses patterns and watching others and cares a lot about how people see them (family most important at times) so they limit themselves instead of seeking to change bad habits or express their true personality.
Libra; this is my 7th house and I fucking love Libras. I hate them at times because if aspected (and lord is it usually) they’re self centered and have a tendency to go on and on about themselves. No one can tell me they aren’t ruled by venus. Taurus is the introvert Libra is the extrovert. Libra teaches Taurus how to stunt and become more confident and outgoing and Taurus helps reaffirm a Libras confidence and keeps them grounded and not too far from earth and in the air. Probably loving to debate shit back and forth, “um lemme look that up because I don’t think so”, “oh my god I’m....” “do you think I should...” “help me decide...”; They need affirmation of their talents and sense of outgoingness, sometimes they don’t do it until they’re comfortable but they most times need a little push. And can be a bit eccentric if aspected. They can leave emotions on a shelf somewhere and never attend to them again or be the ones that have emotions like ALL the time but just keep them at bay. All in all they can be extra but they are most definitely worth it. They always feel bubbly like the foam around Aphrodite.
Scorpio; if cancer is benevolent magic Scorpio is maleficia. It’s like the waters went dark, focusing on the bad in others not in themselves. With water energy it’s like in a moment it’s all around you enveloping and then at times it’s consuming. With Scorpio the envelopment is in the darkness of it all. Cynicism and sarcasm from a point of view you would have never guessed. At times a wall flower unknown by most, or a loner with a bad reputation. Being a Taurus sometimes I just see them or they see me. Its either I click with them or I don’t but there’s always this sense of understanding out of respect. When they open their world you’ll see the pain and the sorrows and in between it births light, brilliance and beauty it’s like their addicted to it. They most times are reborn through pain and loss. The personality becomes whole again and striving to stop what they’ve experienced, but they tend to get into old habits very easily. Always accused of the crime when most times theyre the victim. Very “no snitches” or “I’ll use your secrets against you” attitude when mad, coldness and distance is in their nature. This dark water felt calming and soothing, it knew the weight of the world and sought to cool your tensions and let you breathe and escape it all. But the mars water heated up little by little till you boiled alive. The intensity grows with them in whatver they do and that’s the one thing I always feel with them, intense.
Sagittarius; experience is a key word here; lack there of or too much of it. They have this fire too live life to the fullest and want to feel it running through their veins. They hate looking back at the past to feel pain or face themselves, but they at times give the greatest advice based on experiences. Fast fire temper that flickers out quick. They love to see the world from the common perspective but also love to come back with material items and or expensive gifts from travels to rememeber moments in time. Probably messy or hoards things with emotional ties or value. They try and radiate warmth and a giving attitude but most times seem like a solitary traveler with many tales to tell. Very sad in some tales they tend to downplay the emotions they feel until they well up in a frenzy, it’s like their heart is on fire, tears beyond comprehension. You wonder how they ever made it through what they did.
Capricorn; All work and no play makes jack a dull boy. First line of defense is the innocent seemingly unknowing attitude, the next is sarcasm and witty comedy that can always have some undertones of sexual humor. They tend to ignore emotions, letting them go on and on until they can’t contain them anymore. Probably has had restrictions and a rigid sense of structure or harsh discipline put upon them. They have a disdain but respect for it and tend to lash out when no one is looking. Manipulation and a tendency to play dumb and relying on a superiority complex tends to be their downfall. They’re always surprising in the way they are, no one truly “knows” them. They’ll reveal dark parts about their past you never would’ve thought possible like Scorpio. But now it’s even more unbelievable because with this person they put out a sense of authority and darkness but with structure and respect like saturns energy. Neptune in Capricorn in the early 90s made heroin and opioids go up in usage they went away during age of Aquarius and it’s sad to see the rise again in Pisces. Restrictiveness can lead to needing emotional intensity or intense experiences. But since they have had this sense of restriction they rebel in silence most times hurting themselves in the process. Very successful and business mined at times and knows how to help people and probably puts family above a lot else.
Aquarius; either conventional or not at all; it’s like I see the age of Aquarius as the “ideal society” (barf) and that people of Aquarian traits are either the covential ideal of beauty or something that challgenes beyond that standard. Same with the emotional side at times they hit moments of regular teenage dealings but at the same time it’s beyond that, it’s intensity beyond words. Unlike Capricorn they don’t restrict their emotions or they can’t at least; it’s like the air makes them burst. They can usually seem pretty far and distant or cold but that’s kind of the first wall around them, like an air of mystery. But once you get past it you realize they’re not quiet or cold at all! They can’t just let emotion sit or be quiet or it over takes their personality and it becomes quite sour. They rule over rebellion and unlike Capricorn they don’t rebel or get angry silently. Giving and idealistic and pretty charitable. If not well informed very one sided in the mind and won’t change. Loves to protest and show displays of idealistic love and affection. Eccentric if aspected they can feel outcasted or unwanted by people around them for being or showing uniqueness.
Pisces; the waters of light and dark became one and it was all done; like the magic of the world settles and is still. You see the magic stirring underneath you fall into the stars you see and become enveloped by the neptune tide. A Pisces in my opinion can do anything they ecompass all the signs. Their emotions are so broad and long it’s beyond my comprehension, they give love, strength, wisdom, and moments of clarity to themselves or others. They also can give the greatest advice on emotion. Problem is they can be led by emotional sense so much they ignore plain facts in front of them. “I feel this way so it must be right” attitude. They themsves are lost in Neptunes delusion. They have the eternal old hippie soul about them. Wise beyond their years can leave them yearning for shallows and make them superficial as a person. The thing is being in their world is like being underwater, you see all their monsters swimming around and you get out shaken and gasping for air telling them all about it, they don’t know what you mean, you go on and they push you back in. The waters are dark and all consuming, scary, and heart pounding, but in the midst of the minds rampant darkness there’s a sense of clarity. Its up to whomever attempts diving in to find the light in the sea of darkness and smoke.
(I’m bad at typos btw lemme know k bye thanks for reading 💝)
#astrolgy#taurus#leo#aries#gemini#aquarius#scoripio#cancer#pisces#virgo#capricron#sagittarius#sorry if theres typos this is my first astro post#witchcraft#queer witch#i started this at 3 am and now its almost 8 am fucking mars in gemini kn the 3rd house
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Smokey brand Movie Reviews: Open Wide
A few weeks back, i saw an advertisement for a flick called Run coming to Netflix. I thought it looked interesting but i really paid it no mind because it’s on Hulu. Cats can always watch it whenever s i out it on the back burner. It dropped last Friday, i think. I had planned to check it out in a week or two, but the reviews for this thing started dropping and they were glowing. This was enough to pique my interest. What really caught my attention was the fact that the co-lead, Kiera Allen was announced as Barbara Gordon for that Titans show on HBOMax. Considering both the actress and the character use a wheel chair, that means we're getting a proper Oracle and i cannot be more hype! Admittedly, I've never been a huge fan of Babs as Batgirl, my favorite is definitely Casandra Cain, but Babs a Oracle? That sh*t felt real right! This casting feels right, just from what I've inferred Allen’s performance through those reviews i watched. So, instead of waiting. I've decided to check this thing out now and see for myself if it stands up as one of the best this year.
The Exceptional
Before we get into anything, i just need to commend the adroit direction exhibited by Aneesh Chaganty with this movie. It’s crafted SO goddamn well, for so many reasons. I can gush about this dude’s technique for the entire review but that would be a disservice to literally everything else that makes this experience so brilliant. There is definitely a Hitchcockian edge to Run that Chaganty captures effortlessly, but it’s never an imitation or plagerisim. That sense of unease comes naturally with the story being told and the clarity of Chaganty’s vision for these characters.
As if to drive the point about Chaganty’s ability home, aside from the fact that he’s only twenty-nine and delivering sh*t like this onscreen, dude also has a writing credit on this. He f*cking wrote this movie, too. That level of auteur creativity bodes incredibly well when navigated with aplomb. It;s hard to do for lesser director, Zack Snyder comes to mind, but when it’s executed to it’s full potential, you get brilliance like this.
Off the top, Sarah Paulson is absolutely excellent. She usually is. Paulson is one of those rare talents that uplifts straight up schlock with her raw talent and it’s always a pleasure watching her do it. She did it with the absurd Bird Box. She did it with the over-the-top Ratched. She did it every season she was on AHS. She does it naturally and, when there is actually something to dig into, when the part has some bite, Paulson can work miracles. Her antagonistic turn as Diane Sherman stands next to Kathy Bates and Amy Dunham as one of the most vicious, calculating, and cruel femme fatales to ever be captured in modern cinema.
Kiera Allen is f*cking amazing as our heroine, Chloe Sherman. I literally just gushed about Sarah Paulson but Kiera is JUST as incredible in this movie. She had to be. It’s her movie. Paulson gets top billing, of course, she’s Sarah Paulson, but this movie is not a film without Allen. She is more than capable to match Paulson’s energy, more than capable of elevated this script. You feel her panic and desperation, every second of that struggle. It’s both exhausting and captivating, testament to the raw ability Allen displays. Considering this is just her second credit, i look forward with great anticipation for what comes next in her career.
There is a distinct authenticity to Allen’s performance as she, herself, is really wheel chair reliant in life. I commend the production for actually casting a properly disabled actress for the lead in this flick but, more than that, when Chole is struggling with her mobility, that sh*t is true to reality. It’s grueling to see, stressful to witness, and raises the sheer theatricality of this entire ninety minute run time
The tension in this movie is f*cking insane! It starts fast, grabs your throat, and never let’s go. You’re right there with Chloe, every step of the way, being inundated with the quiet viciousness of her mother, the things she’d do to keep her daughter locked away, to feed her delusion, and its f*cking horrifying. There is a deliberate, escalating, pace to the unnerving violence presented on film. It’s rare that a movie can hit me as hard as this one. It’s no Uncut Gems but it’s still one of the stressful times I've ever experienced on film.
Run is f*cking beautiful. The camerawork displayed is exceptional. Every shot with Chloe as she grapples with her plight, feels brutally intimate, almost intrusive in nature. Every close up of Paulson as she spins her wed of deceit feels detached and inhuman. The cinematography is just that powerful. Every pan, fade, transition; All of it is expertly crafted and visually striking. This is one of the best looking movies released so far this year. i kn ow that’s slim pickings but, truly, this flick is a gem for the eye.
The sound design in this thing is an actual character, itself, and deserves a proper mention. All that tension i spoke of earlier? None of that is possible without that inflicting, stressful, score. It compliments the increasing sinister tone to this film perfectly, another feather in the cap of Aneesh Chaganty.
There is a lot, like the most, show-don’t-tell in this thing and i respect the f*ck out of it. The narrative isn’t difficult to flow or anything but it doesn’t hold our hand with a sh*t ton of verbal exposition. It trusts the audience enough to allow them to engage, use their intellect in an effort to tell a far more compelling, far more engaging story. That sh*t is rare, especially in this age of Hollywood Bayhem. It’s incredibly refreshing to see such a well crafted film like this one, especially when you consider how difficult it is to craft such a purely visual experience.
The Ugh
There are some things that happen in service to the plot, some “movie” things that need to occur in order to properly tell the story. They’re aren’t many but everything else about this flick is so tight, so well thought out and put together that, when these things pope up, they are very, VERY, pronounced and, for a split second, kind of pull you out of the experience. I don’t think the majority of the movie going audience would have such an averse reaction to them as i did, most cats don’t pick apart movies like i do, but I'd be lying if i said that stuff didn’t get under my skin a little.
This thing should have been released in theaters, man. Seriously, the way this film is shot, the way the sound design hits, the way it’s lingering shots rest; All of this would have been far more impactful on the big screen with a proper sound system. This is definitely not a knock n the film, itself, this thing is f*cking amazing, it’s just, as i watch this, i can see it impacting as strong as Hereditary, Suspiria, or The VVitch, if it had an opportunity for a proper theatrical run.
This thing is only ninety minutes and it’s a brisk ninety to boot. You’re in it, it’s in you, then it’s over and you’re left wanting so much more. I wanted so much more anyway. That’s testament to the inspired crafting of this movie, man. Again, not a knock, just something that irked me.
The Verdict
Yo, i f*cking loved this movie. It’s one of the best crafted, well written, and tension filled film experiences I've had in years. These characters are that compelling, the direction is that dazzling, and this narrative is that gripping. Run is a pure thriller but it feels like the best Slasher I've seen in decades, minus all of the gore. It’s all atmosphere and inference and i adore every second of it. The strength of this film is easily carried in the shoulders of two performances that, if this were a regular year in film, should definitely be considered for all of the awards. Sarah Paulson is her requite brilliant but newcomer Kiera Allen is just as shiny, just as great, and its her manically desperate energy that carries this bundle of stress across to it’s finish. F*ck, that last scene in the hospital? Are you kidding me?? Run is one of the best films released this year and deserves all of the clout it can get, all of the eyes on it. It’s an exceptionally crafted film with great performances and a level of atmosphere that rivals f*cking Alien. I can’t say it’s my favorite movie of the year, Palm Springs still holds that title, but it only has the slightest of edges over Run. Both are excellent. Both are on Hulu. Go watch them right now.
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NOTE: We try to keep our reviews as spoiler-free as possible, though there is a chance some minor spoilers may be mentioned in this review. But I promise not to give away the game’s ending or any major spoilers.
[dropcap]A[/dropcap]fter a good year of build-up, with hands-on previews at countless gaming events and shows, Sonic Mania is finally here!
But will Sonic’s return to its 16-bit roots be a positive outcome the franchise has been yearning for, for years? Let’s find out!
Looks like Classic Sonic
From the moment you boot up Sonic Mania, you feel as though you’re back in the mid-’90s with an excellent sprite-based ‘3D effect’ of a rotating island and Sonic sitting in his usual title screen emblem.
If you leave Sonic floating there for a few seconds, you’re treated to a nifty animated intro (created by Sonic Comic artist, Tyson Hesse), similar to the old Adventures of Sonic The Hedgehog cartoon series. This opening intro isn’t a cutscene – it doesn’t have any voice over work or tell a coherent story – it’s more of a subtle and very fun introduction for the game, presenting the main characters and giving a nod to the storyline.
As for the story, Sonic Mania is set immediately after the events in Sonic 3 & Knuckles. After saving Angel Island, Knuckles is now firmly on your side and all is good with the world, when suddenly Tails picks up an energy reading. But Dr. Eggman has detected the energy reading as well and unleashes a new team of Egg-Robos known as the ‘Hard-Boiled Heavies’, sent to reach the source of the signal first. With Eggman up to no good, it’s up to Sonic, Tails and Knuckles to stop him.
Jumping into the game, everything about the 16-bit era flows back, as you are treated to a beautiful, pixilated experience almost exactly like the Mega Drive originals. Unlike Sonic 4, SEGA hasn’t opted for smooth, up-to-date graphics and fancy animations, everything about Sonic Mania exudes ‘retro’ – even the few moments where 3D polygons are used, they are created in a way that it looks like a Mega Drive game.
But of course, Sonic Mania isn’t a 16-bit game; while the visuals maintain their retro appearance, there are moments of ‘flair’, such as transparency and subtle depth of fields that were too complex for a 16-bit machine to handle effectively – even with blast processing.
These moments of flair are often very subtle during main levels, such as occasionally seeing the odd ring bounce to the fore/background after being hit by an enemy, but they are prevalent during boss battles, with the use of foreground and background objects in play.
Feels like Classic Sonic
Now, regardless of visuals, what really makes a Sonic game is the gameplay. It’s part of the reason Sonic became a firm favourite with many gamers and a genuine rival for Nintendo’s Super Mario series. Sonic The Hedgehog was fresh, fast and offered a unique platforming gameplay experience unlike any other game at the time.
‘Classic Sonic’ is pure: it’s a combination of well thought-out platforming brilliance, combined with the flow of a fast game of pinball. While ‘Modern Sonic’ is a mixture of balls-to-the-wall, (virtually uncontrollable) speed and (often unnecessary) gameplay mechanics interweaved into a story line – some people like it, but it’s not for everyone.
Sonic Mania takes the simplicity and purity of Classic Sonic and does very little to change it, which is great. You have no lock-on attack, no additional moves or gimmicks to get in the way of reaching your end-level goals and beating Robotnik.
Returning to retro Sonic gameplay can take some getting used to, but once you get your groove going, everything comes together to make a wonderfully fluid experience.
Wait, this is Classic Sonic!
If Sonic Generations paid homage to every main Sonic game over the past 20 years or so (both 2D and 3D), Sonic Mania is a homage purely to the 2D classics. There’s so much fan service that at times it feels like a re-release of early Sonic games, with nods to each of the Mega Drive originals at every turn – awesome little details, such as the birds and fish from Sonic 1‘s special stage, featuring in Mania’s special stage.
While the game does feature entirely new zones, it also features remakes of classic zones from Sonic 1, 2, 3, Sonic & Knuckles and Sonic CD – fan favourites that are synonymous with Sonic, such as Green Hill, Chemical Plant, Flying Battery, Stardust Speedway, among others.
At times, you feel like you are playing the original games, but then Mania will throw in some massive curve balls that totally change everything – such as new enemies, boss battles or entirely new sections and mechanics to a level, such as the springy goo in Chemical Plant Zone. It’s really fun to reminisce over old levels, but have them feel fresh at the same time and I applaud the developers for this.
On the boss battles, these are great fun in Mania. The bosses that are similar to the old Sonic titles have been changed up enough to feel fresh. The brand new bosses are great, making good use of the modern technology to add some subtle visual or gameplay enhancements to make them exciting.
The old music in the game is remixed slightly, with zone remakes feature the same excellent soundtrack, while new levels feature appropriately original scores – which are catchy and in-keeping with Sonic.
…With added extras
For the most part, the new levels are awesome, keeping the flow of the game going, with some very fun settings and unique elements to each level that makes them stand out – such as one zone where Sonic shrinks and looks like a baby Sonic; standing next to badniks, he looks hilarious and added something new to the game.
Sonic Mania’s special stage is one of my favourite additions to the game. Sonic runs around a flat quasi-3D environment, similar to those in Sonic CD (or Mario Kart on the SNES, if you will), as you chase after a UFO carrying a Chaos Emerald, against a time limit. To catch the UFO, you need to collect blue balls, to build up Sonic’s speed, while collecting rings will boost the precious time limit.
These special stages are really fun and, while can offer a challenge, never feel unfairly taxing. However, finding them is a different story – as the entry points, which are giant rings, are hidden throughout the levels (some levels have multiple rings to find) and that can be a problem for first-time players. I only got four of the Chaos Emeralds on my first playthrough, simply because I couldn’t find the rings in the levels!
But that’s the beauty of Sonic games, replaying the games over and over lets you explore and find the secret areas or new routes to get the best times in each zone.
Mania has also added new mechanics to already established pickups – such as the fire shield being able to burn things, such as wood and oil. As you progress, you unlock new gameplay modes, such as Time Attack and Competition (2-player vs) Mode. There’s additional abilities to unlock, such as Sonic’s Peel Out move from Sonic CD – which you need to select in the options menu after unlocking to activate them, so you can play through without these new abilities.
SEGA, you’ve made me soft
At times, I found Sonic Mania weirdly hard, but I think it’s because I’ve become so unaccustomed to playing games that require skill to complete, and I was struggling in the early levels. Modern Sonic titles have so many moments where the game basically plays itself and the lock-on attack means that you can just continuously tap jump and you’ll kill everything on screen and bounce off the nearest spring pad: the skill has been removed.
But Sonic Mania takes you back, it makes you work for your success. I had a ‘Game Over’ early on, too early really, I’m ashamed to say. But once I got back into the flow, I progressed through the game without any more Game Overs – though plenty of deaths.
The good news here is that, like Sonic 3 & Knuckles, Sonic Mania offers save files, so you can pick up from where you left off, should you find yourself struggling at any point.
There’s also the bonus stages (not special stages, bonus stages), which felt incredibly difficult. The bonus stages are the same as Sonic 3 & Knuckles’ special stages – where you run around a big 3D ball, collecting blue balls and rings, while avoiding any red balls: touching a red ball instantly ends the stage and when you touch a blue ball it turns red.
Now, not one to boast usually, but I was pretty darn good at Sonic & Knuckles’ special stages – my friend and I played the crap out of them over and over (using the S&K lock-on with non-Sonic Mega Drive games).
So, I was super happy to see this return in Mania… until about the 6th or 7th time, when suddenly they became really hard. Using an Xbox One controller probably didn’t help as the d-pad is rather ‘spongy’ and the analogue stick isn’t designed for the precise turns that you need to pull off. But halfway through the game, I found I no longer enjoyed these stages like I once did, often feeling cheated when I lost at the stage.
Completing the bonus stage will either earn you a silver or a gold medal. Silver when you only collect the blue balls and gold when you collect all the rings and the blue balls. To be honest, I have no idea what the medals did (there’s no manual) – though, as mentioned, you do unlock new abilities and game modes, so maybe they unlock those (I’ve asked SEGA to confirm).
That seems a little unfair…
Putting aside from my diminished Sonic gaming skills, I did find that Sonic Mania had more unfair deaths than I’d ever experienced in a Sonic game. There were times where the game would literally force you into enemies/traps, with no control or ability to avoid them.
I also found some of the levels took far longer than previous entries. That wouldn’t be a bad thing, except Sonic games have a time limit; as soon as you hit 9 mins 59 secs on a level, you die, due to time out.
I have only ever had this happen to me once on Sonic 1, when I was really exploring a level, trying to find different paths. But it’s never happened to me since… until Sonic Mania, where I managed to get time outs three times in a playthrough. One of them was because Tails kept screwing up in a boss battle (he kept jumping on something when he wasn’t meant to, meaning I couldn’t hurt the boss) and the others because I just ran out of time. It’s weird, I didn’t feel like I was going slow, yet I ran out of time more than once.
Summary
While Sonic Mania has moments of frustration, it doesn’t have any serious problems that hold it back. This is a bold statement, but Sonic Mania is the very Sonic game fans have been dying to play for years!
SEGA has finally done the right thing, removed all the nonsense of Modern Sonic titles and, through Christian Whitehead and the teams at Headcannon and PagodaWest, delivered a Sonic The Hedgehog game in its purest form.
Sonic Mania takes some of the best samples/examples of the 16-bit Sonic games on the Mega Drive/Mega CD and mixes them up to be one of the best Sonic game in years; bringing back the replay value and the challenge needed to complete the game fully (with all Chaos Emeralds), plus some added extras, so things don’t feel stale.
However, I don’t want to say this is THE best Sonic game of all time, that’s too big a call to make – especially when the original material was so damn impressive back in the day, only hampered by the technology behind it. But ultimately, if you are a big fan of Classic Sonic games, then Sonic Mania is an absolute must-have.
Pros:
+ It’s Classic Sonic gameplay, visuals and sounds, in its purest form
+ Fun, additional extras to unlock
+ Both re-imagined and brand new zones are great fun
+ Hard to master, easy enough to pick up (as a Sonic game should be)
Cons:
– More unfair deaths than other Sonic games
– …Modern Sonic games have made me weak
– …I wish it was still the 90s, when I was a kid and could play games like this all day, rather than work
#SonicMania goes old school & it's wonderful! Read our full #review to find out more! #Sonic NOTE: We try to keep our reviews as spoiler-free as possible, though there is a chance some minor spoilers may be mentioned in this review.
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TGIWednesday... and a download for experiencing a new level of Joy!
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May 28 - Listen here
Rev Debbie Dienstbier
Trans medium, communication and messages with your loved ones in spirit
https://www.facebook.com/Wings-of-Grace-Spiritual-Center-875388225837766/
Check out TheJimmyMackHealingShow.com for a full listing & all replays!
Go deep sea "fishing" with Jimmy!
Level 1 is open to ANYONE at anytime!
"I have found this to be a great modality. I have for the first time got my husband and kids fishing daily. I've learned Emotion Code, Body Code, dowsing, 3 levels of Yuen and some other bits and bobs I've played with. I like how easy this is to take on the road. I really appreciate your time and brilliance. Thank you." - D.T. / Kansas
The Certificate of Mastery Program includes 2 best-selling ebooks and 2 clearing audios plus written & video instructions, AND one-on-one time with Jimmy ALL for about the cost of a single 1-hr session!
This online course is for anyone who is familiar with OR new to "fishing" and is ready to dive into the deep end & get results that are beyond the ordinary!
It includes "The Tackle Box" & "Spiritual Healing Techniques" ebooks PLUS 2 MP3s "Clearing Dark Energies" & "Increasing Your Intuition" to help clear, strengthen and prepare your energy field for optimal “fishing” results.
This is a work-at-your-own-pace curriculum that will TEACH & CLEAR you at the same time! In under 2wks you will be finished with the program and ready to fish on your own with greater results! Level II offers Practitioner Certification for those who qualify.
LEARN MORE HERE
Receive 24/7 Daily Prayers From Jimmy
I will dial into you daily in the wee hours and make certain that you are a CLEAR YES, UNCLEAR to NO and RUNNING FORWARD before you start your day.
You will send me a list of the members of your immediate household, and yes even pets, and I will add them to my daily prayers. I will arise daily before you are even awake to start my prayers and also run my intelligent computer software 24/7 deleting the negative and increasing the strength of the positive creating a higher probability of outcomes for you and the family.
Each comes with a one-time email analysis print out via the intelligent healing software that I use on your behalf. Most clients have had amazing results and outcomes and I get emails of thanks each and every week!
Choose 7 days @$33 Choose 14 days @$66 Choose 30 days @$99
Live In-Person Appearances
LIVE AT KODAWARI YOGA STUDIOS TAMPA
We've made some changes to the Kodawari schedule and I am now there in person EVERY FRIDAY scheduling 15 and 30 minute appointments.
Call Kodawari's front desk directly to schedule
(813) 773-4017 and pay at the concierge desk...
15 minutes 33$ or 30 minutes 65$.
UPCOMING SCHEDULE 10-2pm:
Friday: May 10th, 17th, 24th, 31st
3965 Henderson Blvd Suite C Tampa
(813) 773-4017
http://www.kodawariyoga.com/
From the Fish Box
"Hi Jimmy! Your 30 days of Daily Prayers has definitely helped us all in sooooo many ways! The attacks aren't as powerful and everyone seems on an even keel. Life is good. I'm renewing right NOW!! (All of us - the same house.) Thank you very much!!!!"
Sincerely, Julie
Fish Food
The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish
Tell The Fish: 365 Daily Inspirations & Affirmations
MAY 8th - "God I need strength today. I need friends that will pull me up and who will walk with me in victory when I least expect it. Today I will find prizes and surprises around the next corner. Today I will build up my inner child and develop courage to reach my goals."
**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**
For those who aren't familiar, here's the list of ALL clearing MP3s available. Find a topic that addresses your issue(s) & click on the link to read more. We had a lot of help downloading and channeling these over the years & they keep getting better.
Abundance
Abuse
Addiction
Body Scan: Head to Toe
Daily GPS Reset
Dark Energies/Fears
Decision Making
Diet & Exercise
Education & Learning
Family & Relatives
The Gold Coin
Healing Physical Body
Healing Mental Stress
Holiday Stress
Increasing Intuition
IRS & Tax Time
Love & Romance
Money Mindset
Moving Forward
Pain Relief
Pet Healing
Sales & Success
Sex
Sleep
Traveling w/Ease
Work & Career
Weight Loss
TGIFunny
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Jimmy Mack 727.678.0557 EST | Appointments
Skype: Jimmy.Mack55 Clearwater Florida USA
Book a 15 minute session
Book a 30 minute session
Book a 60 minute session
Transformational Healing of Body, Mind & Spirit, People, Places, Pets & Situations!
Download the My Liquid Fish® Starter Kit
Audio MP3 Downloads and books to improve your life!
Get Certified in My Liquid Fish® Change Made Simple®
Watch Free Videos on YouTube
Weekly Radio Show Archives
Shop for Supplements
http://www.jimmymackhealingshop.com
www.jimmymackhealing.com
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