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crazyunsexycool · 2 months

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My Little Love

Chapter 32

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Enhanced!Reader

Word count: 5.7K

Warning: Some tears, little bit of angst, Sad Henry, Some seperation anxiety, some fluff

A/N: Our favorite family is back. Also it's the first official introduction to Steve's Honey. Although it's only for a brief moment. This also happens before all of the holiday one shots for this series.

Series Masterlist

There was fire in your veins. It traveled from the top of your head to your toes. The burning sensation wouldn’t stop even as you begged for some mercy. Leather straps dug into your flesh, cutting your skin and drawing blood. The more you struggled the worse it got.

A voice, familiar, cold and harsh made impossible demands. You begged some more. The only response you received was that same voice, mocking you and a stinging sensation across your cheek.

You couldn’t place the voice no matter how much you tried to remember. Where had you heard it before? A choked sob escapes you as the group of people around you move to ‘work’ on you.

****

Shallow ragged breaths fill the otherwise quiet room. Slowly a voice calls out to you. Dripping with love and innocence and concern. It pulled you out of the deep dark memories that were weighing you down.

“Mama, is kay now. No cwy.” Charlotte’s reassurance was spoken in a calming manner.

“It’s just a nightmare.” You heard Henry say as you finally opened your eyes.

Your body ached, your muscles were tense and sore but you realized that you weren’t in the living room anymore. At some point someone, most likely Bucky, moved you to the master bedroom. Immediately your mind went back to the nightmare, a memory really. You couldn’t shake that feeling of knowing who that voice belonged to.

“Mowning mama.” Lottie’s sweet sleepy voice pulls your attention as she gently caresses your cheek. She wipes away the tears that had fallen.

“Morning sweet Angel. Morning my sweet boy.”

It was a delight for them to hear those nicknames. They sat at either side of you and when you opened your arms they didn’t hesitate to snuggle up to you. You kissed the tops of their heads and just enjoyed being with them again. It was obvious by the sleepy looks in their eyes that you had woken them up. The door opens slowly and you manage to look over to see Bucky pop his head in. His smile is breathtakingly soft as he watches the three of you all cuddled up in bed.

“Daddy come on.” Henry patted the empty space beside him.

Bucky’s smile widened as he walked in and closed the door. He was dressed in a black t-shirt and gray sweatpants which meant that he had just woken up too. He had no problem taking up the empty spot next to his son. Instinctively Bucky’s hand finds yours, your fingers intertwine with his. Soon enough Henry starts telling you about the video games he and uncle Sam and uncle Josh played. Lottie tells you about her sleepovers with Olivia. You listen and ask all kinds of questions and for those few minutes you forget about the hell you lived through and the three months you had been separated. The four of you joke and laugh, share cuddles and kisses. Your heart feels light and it erases any memory of your nightmare.

There’s a knock on the door and when it opens it’s your dad. He informs you that your siblings are here. Reluctantly you let the kids go and got up, sitting at the edge of the bed. Henry took Charlotte’s hand and led her out to the living room, you could immediately hear your siblings greeting them.

“How are you feeling?” Bucky asked. He knew from experience that asking if someone was ok after a traumatic experience wasn’t the best way to get them to talk.

“Tired.” You murmured. “I had a nightmare, a memory really. I hate remembering.”

He shuffled around and sat next to you. Bucky’s arm moved behind you until it settled around your waist.

“I know Sugar. I hate to say it but it won’t always be easy. But I’m right here with you. I’ll do whatever you need me to do.”

You gave him a sad smile before resting your head on his shoulder. The two of you stay like that for a few minutes before you get up and head to the bathroom to freshen up.

****

Bucky had already joined your family in the living room. He’d advised them that you had woken up from a nightmare, that from the events that happened the day before you were probably still on edge and that it would be better to not get too excited or loud around you just yet.

“Hey.” You said as you stood at the edge of the living room. Unsure of what to do next.

“Y/N.”

Luke got up first and he made his way towards you. It was slow and cautious, almost as if he was afraid to scare a wild animal.

“Can I hug you?” He asked, although he kept his hands in his pockets instead of holding his arms out and not really giving you a choice.

“Yeah, that would be ok.”

Gently Luke pulled you into a hug and kissed the top of your head. You clung to him. The moment felt all too familiar. It brought you back to your childhood when you would get in trouble way before you had been alienated from your siblings. You realized you were crying harder than you meant to because Luke was swaying side to side and reassuring you that you were safe.

Next came Josh and Sofia, followed by Molly. All of them telling you how happy they were that you were safe. Olivia was the last to come up to you. Still shy around you but you couldn’t blame her, you had barely spent any time together.

“Hi auntie Y/N.” She says shyly, halfway hidden behind Molly’s legs.

“Hi Oli. Lottie told me you had a lot of sleepovers.” You had gone down to her level and she loosened her grip on Molly’s leg and shifted a tad bit closer.

“Yeah, she was sad a lot because she missed you.”

“I missed her too, but thank you because you kept her company.”

“I missed you too.” She reveals as she walks even closer to you. “You’re fun.”

“Yeah? I missed you too.”

Olivia is finally standing in front of you, her hands behind her back and she squirms around a bit. You play with her curls and smile at her.

“Can I hug you too?”

“I would really love a hug from you.”

She gives you a toothy grin and then her small arms wrap loosely around your neck. You pull her in and pick her up.

“Thank you for helping Charlotte and Henry while I was gone. You are the best cousin ever.” You whisper in her ear and she giggles. With a kiss to her temple you set her down.

There’s an awkward silence. You knew that they wanted to ask you about what you went through. There was no way you’d tell them. Some of it you didn’t even really remember.

“What do you need from us?” Luke asks as everyone settles down.

You blinked at him, confused at his question.

“We don’t want to overwhelm you.” Molly adds. “So whatever you need us for, we're here, just let us know.”

You nodded but you were at a loss for words. It was a lot to take in, in the last few hours. It hadn’t even been a full 24 since you were found so suddenly having so much control of yourself and freedom you didn’t know what to do.

“Shouldn’t you be meeting with Shuri?” Ed offered.

“Yeah we should. Are you ok with waiting here?”

“Of course, whatever you need.”

The information Shuri had for you was worse than you thought. There were several microchips implanted in your brain. Those along with a chemical component were being used to control you. Half of the issue was resolved when Yelena sprayed the antidote in your face a few hours ago. The other half was going to be complicated. You were going to need literal brain surgery to be completely free of hydra’s hold.

Bucky took you aside and for a while he just held you. It was overwhelming. The decisions you’d both have to make were difficult.

“Look at me Sugar.” Bucky murmurs as he pulls back. Your red rimmed eyes meet his bright blue ones. “I know it’s a lot more to ask of you. You’ve been through hell, I get it. But we have to do this. We have to go back to Wakanda and make sure those things are out of your head. I promise I’ll be right there with you. Then this will all be over.”

“What about the kids?”

Bucky sighs.

“But you just got back, you can’t leave mama.” Henry argues, he’s on the verge of tears.

“I know, sweet boy. I don’t want to go but the bad men hurt me and I have to go to Wakanda to get better like you, daddy and Lottie did.”

“But we were gone for so long.”

“Shuri thinks that it will take less time, bubs.” You tried to soothe him and run your hand up and down his arm but he pulled away.

“Why can’t we go with you? You went with us last time?”

“Bubba, mama needs to get bettuh.” Lottie speaks up for the first time. You had noticed she had been lost in thought, you’re sure she was having a vision.

“But daddy is going.”

“I’m going to be there to watch over mama during and after her treatments.” Bucky added.

Henry threw his arms around your neck and cried. He pleaded with you to take him but in reality you weren’t sure if your memory would be affected after the surgery or worse if you’d die because of it. You didn’t want either of them to see that and Bucky wouldn’t be able to watch them and take care of you at the same time. That’s what you tried to explain to Henry but he wouldn’t accept it. After going back and forth he just stepped away from you.

“Fine leave again then. I don’t care.” He all but yelled before running away, turning invisible as he did.

His reaction had you crying. He had been anxious while you were gone and now that he had you back you were leaving again. Henry’s reaction was completely understandable but it still hurt you. Lottie stood in front of you and offered you a smile. Her hair was much longer and she had it swept over her shoulder to one side as she played with the ends.

“Is kay mama. Bubba just scared. I make him not scared.”

“You’re gonna take care of him while we’re gone?”

“Mmhmm.” She nods as she places her arms and crosses them over your legs propping her chin on one of her free hands. “No be scared mama.” She taps her temple. “Mama be kay. I see it.”

You make a sound between a laugh and a sob before you pick her up. Lottie smiled at you and leaned into your chest. Leaving them again wasn’t going to be easy. In fact you were sure that the tightness in your chest had everything to do with being away from them.

****

Shuri and the Dora Milaje that stayed to protect her were already on their jet. You and Bucky would be leaving with them. There was not a lot of time from when you told the kids to when you’d actually leaving so you weren’t able to talk to Henry again. You didn’t want to leave things like that with him but the clock was ticking and you weren’t sure what hydra would be able to do to you. After you said goodbye to your family you and Bucky were at Bruce’s lab, getting some last minute information.

“This is a very awkward conversation to be having.” Bruce sighed.

“Is something wrong with Y/N?”

“No, not exactly.” Bruce cleared his throat but was going slightly red at the mere thought of having to discuss this. “I think you should um not- do certain things for the next three weeks.”

“What things Bruce?” You look at him confused. “No training or using guns?”

“No. I mean you shouldn’t do those things either.”

“Then what?” Bucky was getting irritated.

“Don’t have sex.”

You and Bucky turn to see a woman walking up to you.

“I’m sorry what? Who are you?”

“I’m Dr. Banner’s new assistant.” She offers you and Bucky her name. “I started a few weeks ago. Anyways, while running some tests on your blood samples we found high doses of medication used for fertility treatments.”

The reality of what this meant sat heavy in the air. They were preparing to use you for another winter soldier child and who knows what they would have done to you once you gave birth.

“She’s right. I’ll have Shuri monitor your levels but from now until you get back it’s best if you abstain from those activities. Unless of course you’re ready for more kids.”

“Bruce, just tell us not to have sex.” Bucky shakes his head and holds back a chuckle.

“Fine, don’t have sex. Now get out of my lab.” He chuckles. “I know you’re in very capable hands but good luck.”

“Thanks Bruce.” You also thank his assistant before heading out.

****

“So brain surgery, upset kid and now no sex. Things can only go up from here.” You tell Bucky as you sit back in the jet.

Bucky chuckles and shakes his head.

“They will. They have to.”

“I haven’t had the chance to say it but I’m glad you’ve let your hair grow out. I always wanted to play with your hair when you had it long like this.”

“You’re welcome to play with my hair as much as you want.”

You sigh and lay your head against his shoulder.

“What’s wrong, Sugar?”

You take a moment and tell him what’s bothering you. That voice in your dream and how you felt that you were supposed to recognize it. That there were things that you didn’t remember but that it was more than that, it felt that there was a wall blocking those memories. Bucky takes your hand and reassures you that everything will be ok. That most likely you just need to remove those microchips in your brain and everything will fall back into place. You can only hope that he’s right.

For days Shuri worked tirelessly to undo what hydra had done. It was difficult the first time you woke up to find out that the surgery was being done in sections. After two weeks of going between surgery and recovery, Shuri was finally done. It was complicated to say the least but it had been successful. You took one week to fully recover thanks to the serum.

****

It was a brisk night in Wakanda. The nightgown you had on did little to keep you warm but with all of the memories coming back to you it was a welcomed change. Some peace and quiet was exactly what you needed as you thought about how you would tell Bucky who had been hurting you and what you had learned and remembered.

“Sugar? Everything alright?” Bucky’s gravelly voice cuts the silence.

“Yeah, just another nightmare.”

“Mmm.” Bucky walks up and places his hands on your hips. You can feel his body warmth against your back. “Want to talk about it?”

Turning around you look up into his concerned blue eyes. You knew you had to tell him but you were scared at his reaction. Bucky pulls you into his chest, his hand running up and down your back in a soothing manner.

“I remember everything.” You mumble while blinking back tears. “I don’t even know where to start.”

“It’s ok Sugar. I know this part is difficult, remembering any part of it. Just tell me what you want, if you want too.”

“I remember the voice.” You start by saying. “I remember everything she told me, it was horrible.”

“She?” Bucky racked his brain trying to remember any high ranking female hydra officers but he couldn’t.

You pulled back to look at him, the truth was on the tip of your tongue but the weight of it kept you from talking. Bucky cupped your face and tilted your head so that you would look at him again. Your gaze was starting to unfocus and he called your name softly. One warm and one cold hand grounding you in reality. You weren’t strapped to that table anymore. There wasn’t a room full of men ripping you apart and figuring out the best way to put you back together. No, you are safe now. In the arms of the man that loved you and who might despise you in a moment.

“You’ll hate me.”

Bucky’s brows furrowed in confusion. There was a chance you weren’t coherent due to the surgery and medications.

“I could never hate you, Sugar.”

You blinked up at him owlishly while studying Bucky’s face. It might be the last time that he looked at you with so much love. With your hands wrapped around his wrists you take a deep breath. It was now or never.

“My mom.” Bucky tilts his head but waits for you to continue talking. “She’s the voice. She was the one in charge.”

You felt him stiffen.

“Your mother is hydra? Is your father? Your siblings?” A bit of panic in his tone.

You shook your head as he pulled away. He paced back and forth on the balcony.

“How? Why? I don’t understand.”

“Apparently all of the family on her side was hydra. But that’s not all.” You started crying then. Bucky stopped and looked at you.

“My great grandfather and grandfather they were both-“ you struggled to get the words out. It hurt to think that two of the people you loved the most were created at the hands of your family members.

“They what?”

You flinched slightly at the sharpness of his tone.

“They were both part of the winter soldier program and of developing the program for Henry, Charlotte and the boys.”

Bucky stared at you with slight horror. He takes a step away from you and then another.

“She was horrible. The things she told me.” You start to sob. “What she did to me as a kid was nothing compared to what she did this time.” You turn away from him and lean on the railing again. “The plans she had for me were evil. Having me hurt Charlotte and Henry was a fail safe plan. She knew it would kill me if they were hurt.” You hide your face in your hands and continue to cry over everything.

The sight of you crying over the things your family has done breaks Bucky’s heart. You flinch when you feel his hand on your back.

“Sugar, it’s over.”

“It’s not.” You shake your head. “She’s still out there. It’s not over until she’s dead.” You turn to look at him again with a pained expression. “As long as she’s alive we’ll never have peace.”

“We will. I promise you we will.”

Bucky pulls you into his chest and lets you cry until you can’t anymore. He had to put his feelings aside for the moment, this wasn’t about him and it wasn’t your fault. Deep down he knows you aren’t like the monster that your mother is, and neither is your family.

From the moment you told Henry you had to go to Wakanda he had been anxiously awaiting your return. He felt bad for not saying goodbye. It didn’t help that Charlotte called him out on ‘being mean to mama’ when you were already scared. All he wanted now was for you to come back so he could tell you that he didn’t mean it. He was scared too.

It also happened that he was sad at the thought that you would miss his first official birthday. It’s not that a party was the most important thing to him but Henry wanted to spend it together as a family.

So on the actual day no one could coax him out of his room. Not Eddie, Luke, Molly or Steve and Sam. Not even Lottie could convince him to go up to his party.

“But bubba is so nice. You habe fun.” Lottie rubbed his back in a comforting manner as he lay facing the wall.

“I don’t want to have a birthday party. You go and have fun baby.”

Lottie huffs in annoyance. “Kay.” She says as she walks out and closes the door.

A few minutes later there’s another knock and the door opens.

“I said I don’t want to go to the party.” Henry’s tone is stern.

“That’s ok sweet boy. What if we do something else, just the four of us?”

Henry sits up, his eyes wide and mouth hanging open as he turns towards the door.

“Mama, you’re back.” He says between choked sobs. Henry hops off the bed and runs into your waiting arms. “I’m sorry mama, I didn’t wanna be mean.”

“I know bubs. We were both scared.”

“I love you mama.”

“I love you too.” You kiss the top of his head and hug him for as long as he needs too. Pulling back, you cup his face with both of your hands. “Happy birthday.”

Soon he pulls away and moves to hug Bucky.

“Happy birthday bubs.”

“Thanks. Did you know they were coming back today?” Henry turns to look at Lottie who is giving him a mischievous smile.

“Yeah.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Is a suwpwise. Duh.” Lottie rolled her eyes.

“When did she learn how to do that?” You whisper to Bucky.

“She spent way too much time with Nat and Sofia.”

“Oh great.” You mutter. “So what do you say sweet boy, party or family hang out?”

“I don’t know. Shouldn’t you rest?”

“I had all the rest I needed for now. Besides your dad and I made sure to pick a good theme for your birthday. Are you sure you don’t want to go see it at least?”

“You picked it?” Henry asks while looking at both of you wide eyed.

“Of course. Well it was your dad’s idea. I wish I would have been able to plan it though.” You gave Henry a sad smile.

“I wanna go to the party.” He says excitedly.

“Let’s go then.”

****

As always Tony out did himself. The largest of the shared living rooms had been turned into a fully functioning arcade. All types of retro arcade games were set up around the room, one of the bars had been turned into a prize booth and even the lighting was perfect. Anything you could find in an arcade you found here and there were even some of Henry’s favorite things available too.

There were banners hanging up that said ‘gamers don’t age, they level up’. Henry was wide eyed as he looked around and found that all of his favorite people were there including Sam’s nephews and Clint’s older son. Still it wasn’t packed with people which you greatly appreciated.

“Can I go play?” Henry looked up at you and Bucky.

“Of course bubs, it’s your birthday.” Bucky nods.

“I’ll find you later. C’mon baby let’s go.”

Bucky slips a hand around your waist as you watch the kids run further into the room. He leads you a bit further in but you stop him and nod in the direction of the bar.

“What in the world is going on there?” You were referring to Steve talking with Bruce’s new assistant.

They looked like complete opposites. Steve was animated and smiling while she was a bit more guarded, a bored expression on her face. Still there was a bit of lightness in her eyes as she looked at Steve. You wondered how it started and what it was in the first place.

“Don’t worry Sugar, we’ll find out soon enough.”

“You can’t tease him about it.”

“I won’t make a promise I don’t intend to keep.” Bucky says with a chuckle.

Just then Steve turns around just to take in the room and his whole face lights up when he sees you. You watch as he excuses himself and walks over to you.

“When did you get back?” He asks as he gives you both hugs.

“A few minutes ago. We wanted to surprise Henry.”

“So I’m assuming everything went well.”

“Yeah. I remembered everything. There’s-“ you sigh, your features darkening for a moment. “There’s someone from hydra still out there.”

“You sure? We haven’t gone through all of the files yet.”

“Trust me, there’s someone missing on the list of detainees.” Bucky adds. “But we’ll worry about that tomorrow. Right now we are here to celebrate.”

You smile up at him. Although the serum had healed all of the surgical incisions your body was still exhausted from the three months of hell you lived through, the surgery and the emotional rollercoaster too. So you decided on taking it easy. You walked through the room, finding your family or the team and talking. Sitting and just enjoying being back home.

****

“I’m going to win you a prize Sugar. Pick whatever teddy bear you want.” Bucky says with a smirk.

“I want that teddy that looks like you.” You point at the stuffie that had a black and gold arm.

“You got it.”

Bucky heads to the basketball game and shoots nothing but net. He ends up getting so many tickets he can get you the bear.

“Is this how you used to woo the girls you dated back in the 30s?” You asked as you hugged the bear to your chest.

“Maybe.”

You smile and kiss his cheek. “Thanks for my new sleeping buddy. I’m sure he’ll keep me safe.”

“What? There’s no way a stuffed bear is replacing me.”

“But he’s so cute and cuddly.”

“Sugar.” He gave you a halfhearted glare.

You kiss his cheek, laughing before you disappear between some of the arcade games with Bucky grumbling behind you. Charlotte and Olivia run past you, each of them holding some cotton candy and giggling. Henry is sitting at a racing game with Sam in the seat next to him, both of them competing for first place.

“You can’t use your own hammer, Point Break.” Tony tells Thor.

“But the objective is to hit these creatures.”

“You’re supposed to wack, not obliterate.”

You chuckle and shake your head as you walk past them and find your dad hanging out in the lounge area with a drink in hand. He pats the empty seat beside him and you take it, immediately resting your head on his shoulder. After making sure you’re ok, Bucky leaves to find Steve and challenge him in a game of pool.

“How are you feeling, kitten? Do you need to go up and rest? I’m sure Henry wouldn’t mind if you went and had a nap.” Eddie said.

“No, I'm ok. As long as I’m not pushing myself physically I’ll be fine. I’ve already missed so much.”

The two of you sit there for a while just watching everyone enjoy the party. Eddie just says something once in a while but mostly you sit in silence. It was nice but it felt surreal. Now you had a better understanding of why Bucky hated crowds. The space felt suffocating, as if all eyes were on you and every whispered conversation was about you. Maybe they were waiting for you to break. But it wouldn’t happen tonight. This night was reserved for Henry and he deserved a good birthday.

****

“Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you.” Everyone stood around the birthday cake which was made to look like a huge video game controller, singing.

Bucky held Lottie while you had your hands resting on Henry’s shoulders.

“Happy birthday dear Henry, happy birthday to you.”

“Blow out your candles and make a wish.” You whisper.

Henry looks back at you with a smile. An innocence you’d barely seen in him since he was rescued. There was pure joy on his face as he turned to look at his dad and sister. He turns back to the cake and blows the candles out. Everyone cheers and you kiss the top of his head. You pull him back as Molly and Wanda begin to cut the cake. Soon enough everyone has a piece.

****

“You have a mess on your face sweet angel.” You say while trying to wipe Lottie’s face clean with a napkin.

“No mama.” Lottie pulls away, sticking her tongue out to try and lick away the frosting around her lips. Then she takes another spoonful of cake and shovels it in her mouth. “Habe some, mama.” She takes another spoonful and holds it up for you.

“No thank you, baby. I already had some.”

“Is kay mama. Habe some, is so yummy.”

You huff a laugh and accept the spoonful Lottie had offered you. She smiles before turning her attention back to her slice. This was very reminiscent of the night she called you mama for the first time. She was sitting on your lap yet again with a huge mess on her face. Everyone sat around talking and having a good time. This time though, Henry sat next to you and your family was here. Memories like this is what you would cling to in order to keep the nightmares at bay.

After a while the party calmed down. People were still playing video games but the atmosphere was more relaxed. You couldn’t fight the exhaustion anymore so you went to find Henry. He was waiting his turn to play dance, dance revolution.

“Hey birthday boy.” You tousled his hair to get his attention.

“Hey mama. Do you want to play this?”

“No it’s ok. I am going to go upstairs and lay down. I’m tired.”

Henry looked at the game and back at you unsure of what to do.

“I’m not saying you have to leave the party, baby. I’m just letting you know so you don’t think I left you, ok?” You caress his cheek and smile.

“Are daddy and baby going with you?”

“No,” you shake your head. “I’m just going to lay down for a little bit. Your dad and Lottie will still be running around. I’ll try to come back down later.”

“It’s ok mama.” Henry gives you a hug. “Thank you for coming back for my birthday.”

“I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.” You kiss his forehead. “I’ll see you later.”

“Ok mama.”

You watch as Henry gets up to select what he wanted to dance to before looking for Bucky. You find him with Luke, Olivia and Charlotte on the balcony. The girls were admiring the twinkling lights of the city as night fell while Bucky and Luke had a conversation. You go up to them and let them know you’re going to be leaving the party. Bucky takes your hand and gives your knuckles a quick kiss before watching you walk away.

At some point after you had fallen asleep Bucky joined you in bed. The weight of his arm around your waist and the soft rise and fall of his chest against your back brought you comfort. You couldn’t, however, fall back asleep. As quietly and quickly as you could you slid out of bed and out of the room. You needed some fresh air so you slid the door to the balcony open and stepped outside.

“Mama?” Henry asks from the door.

You turn, surprised to see him awake at whatever time it was. He walks towards you, rubbing the sleep out of his eye with the back of his hand. You open your arms for him.

“I was calling you, didn’t you hear me?” He asks as he leans into your warm embrace.

“I’m sorry sweet boy, I guess I was just thinking too much.”

“It’s ok. Why are you out here? Aren’t you cold?” Henry presses himself closer to you.

“Not really but let's go inside.”

You head to the living room and get comfortable on the couch. Henry lays down and rests his head on your lap. Immediately you start playing with his hair while he holds your free hand.

“When do you know if a birthday wish worked, mama?”

“Well I think it depends on what you wished for. If it was something big then it could take some time.” You look down at him. “Why?”

“I just want my wish to work fast.”

“What did you wish for, sweet boy?”

Henry sits up and faces you. “I wished for you to not feel scared like I was when I got here.”

“Oh baby, you didn’t have to use your wish on that. I’ll get better little by little I promise.” Henry’s revelation made you tear up just a bit.

“I know. I just wanted to help you like you and daddy and baby always help me.”

You smile at him then pull him in for a hug.

“You are helping me, sweet boy. Just by being here with me right now and giving me some cuddles.”

“I can do that.”

“I know you can. I love you so much my sweet, sweet boy.” You kiss the top of his head before getting comfortable on the couch.

“I love you too mama. I missed you so much.” Henry whispers.

“I missed you too.”

Henry ends up cuddled up on your lap. His face is buried in the crook of your neck. Soft snores fill the quiet room. Your hold on him is strong and you struggle to not think about the things he must have gone through now that you have experienced some of them.

The two of you stay on the couch until the morning when you’re woken up. Charlotte, wanting to be included in some cuddles, hopped up on the couch and found a spot on your lap before practically falling asleep again. For the next few weeks it’s the same routine. You wake up due to the nightmares and someone always finds you. The kids comfort you by cuddling on the couch, Bucky by letting you cry on his shoulder.

It was true what Bucky had said, it wouldn’t be easy but you would manage. Your life would be slightly different now but you had a reason to keep pushing forward. You had good days and you had bad days but you pushed through it all. There was lost time you needed to make up with the kids and you intended to do just that.

Ch. 33

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thewritersaddictions · 5 months

Text

Day One: Soldier Boy + Baby It's Cold Outside

It's late december when Ben comes back from yet another search for a Vought member. He's not really a fan of christmas having never really gotten the things he wanted during his childhood.

The first time Ben hears the song it's during his time away at war. Ben is just thirty, and he loves music. Warming his heart in a way that not much else can. He hums to himself during his time away at war, and as his mother used to. It keeps him clam, and striaght with his thoughts.

It's when Vought takes Ben to be their test subject and their propaganda device, does the song come back to him. Years had passed, Vought wanted, and tried like hell to make the face of thier company sell.

What was worth selling? Sex has alway sold, and by the standards of the world then and now Ben is a deliciously sexy man. Now mix that together with money and you've pretty much got yourself anything you can dream of.

It forces Ben, or what Vought called him "Soldier Boy" to become apart of a few things. Movie titles, pinup posters, and songs. During the sevetnies, and eighties when the tech get's better the songs he laid down on records turned into shitty music videos.

During christmas time one of the years before he was caught by the russians. He does yet another albums filled with winter songs. Speicallifly the song he had used to keep himself level headed during the war, down in the trenches dirt and blood splattering his face.

Shaking the thought he does what he's told, and sings the song. That damn song that has been stuck to him like glue for the past twenty years at least. Ben does a few good things before getting caught by the Russians like buying the song on record his version and the orginal stuffing them away with other importnat documents, and things from his childhood.

Ben can see the stupid LED christmas lights from the apartments window as he walks up his duffel over his shoulder. With that he jams the brass key into the lock twisting and turning the knob before the door gives and he's let in. The lights are dimly light, and the sound of the tv plays in the background.

"I'm home." He says loudly so you can hear over the tv. He can the scampering of your feet on the hardwood, as he drops the duffel kicks the door shut with his boots, and sits down to unlace his boots.

Theres that beautiful smile he wishes he could see everyday whenever he's away. "Hey beautiful." He says with a contentment that you can hear in his voice. You smile sweetly down at him, and when ben gets up from his kneeled postion you smother him kisses.

You taste of choclate and mint, "What have you been up to while I've been gone?" He asks even though he really doesn't have to. The apartment is decorated ceiling to floor in christmas decorations. Ben feels as if he just walked into a christmas store, or maybe a hallmark.

"Well," You start with a smile written all over your face, "I've been trying to get into the sprit of christmas, and I pulled some of your old records out looking for something a least a little bit chirstmassy." The words "your records."

"You weren't through my things?" Ben doesn't mean for the words to come out so harsh, but they do. Ben is and has always been protective of what he has and that includes you, but he wishes you could have waited till he was home and you had asked him instead.

The smile on your face starts to fall you open your mouth open to apoliges, but nothing comes out. You drop your hand from his, and get quiet moving over to the couch. "I'm sorry Ben." The tv is still playing but the sound is lower.

Ben can feel the tension in the air. Thick and it annoys him. He forgets just how sensitive you can be not used to being home just yet. Ben needs a drink before he can deal with that mess he's created.

He leaves you in the living for now, to mutter in your feelings while he finds in the kitchen a jug of eggnog. An old recipe card sits out, he internally groans. 'Fuck you for being so damn sweet to him.' and 'Fuck him for having such a sweet spot for you.' He pour himself a glass and it hits him with a tingle down his thoart. His eyes scan over the recipe card, In cursive, "Just a dash or two cups of whiskey."

He can't hear you, but cna hear the tv. He rolls his eyes has he pour himself anther cup, and you one as well. When he comes out of the kitchen you are right where he left you. Setting your cup on the side tablebut not before you move a coastar underneath it. He set his cup down on the other coastar. The silence isn't uncomfortable for Ben, but he can feel you messin' with your fingers and nails. He starts to scan what you took out. His records, and one catches his eye.

He slides his fingers over the old package, and pulls the record from the safety of it's home. The record is safe from marks, or scratches and so Ben slips it onto the record player. Grabbing the remote, turning the tv off.

"Listen baby," You don't look at him, "Honey, look at me." Your eyes are glazed with hurt, but you look at him anyways. He has to stifle his laugh at how adorable you look right now for him.

"I'm sorry for being short with you, you know it takes me a few hours to get back and used to being home with you love. Now get up here and let me fix it." Ben says, reaching out his hand palm up so your much smaller hand can fit right in it. You chew your bottom lip for a moment like your thinking of denying him, but as much as Ben's missed you you've missed him tenfold.

You grab his hand and Ben pulls you up effortlessly. He smiles for the first time since he arrived home, and your shoulders fall with contentment. Ben only lets go of your hand for a few seconds just enough to let the needle fall on the record and his hands to slip back into yours. One hand holding onto your hand and the other your waist. The two of you sway as the music crackles and then starts to play.

You rest your head against his large chest, and breathe him in. The first few tracks are not the song Ben's looking for, but he waits patiently. He likes being able to hold you like this, there's no rhythm or reason to your swaying.

That is until the song Ben had been waiting for hit his ears. The songs start slow, and then your movements become more fluid. Your socks glide on the carpet, and even if you accidentally step on Ben's feet he is still okay with having you in his arms. By the chorus of the song Ben's humming in your ear with his hand holding you with a warm grip 'round our waist.

"You'll sing it for me?" You ask with your cheek pressed into his chest. Ben's humming stops and for a moment so does the little swaying the two of you have gotten into. Ben thinks for a moment, "Maybe sweetheart. Maybe." But he can already feel you getting excited at the thought of him singing, "But for now can you take the hummin' and the swayin'?" He asks, putting a stray piece of hair behind your ear. Nodding, you place your head back on his chest, swaying, and humming resumes.

Completed on: 10/06/23

Posted on: 12/01/23

The Anti-Hero-

The Boys Master List // The Anti-Hero Master List // Christmas Stoires Master List

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