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mokulule · 5 months

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Almanac - Chapter 3

Been a while since I uploaded something. Had some real busy weeks, got sick on top, just all sorts of annoyances. Tbh this has been done for a while but I was contemplating where to split this chapter, and finally decided here, which means it was done.

Ship: Dead on Main (Danny/Jason) First | Masterlist

Chapter 3 - 12th October, Full Hunter’s Moon

Danny was still angry and frustrated at what the Justice League had made him do, when they could have just asked Phantom, but now at least he was calm, centered.

He breathed in deep, tasting the ectoplasm, not with lungs or tastebuds but with his core. It was quite amazing what a week of intense meditation could do for the Realms. It made him feel a bit guilty that he’d prioritized living over his duties so much, but well, for the foreseeable future he would have plenty of time to play king.

The millennia of stagnation from Pariah’s imprisonment and the time before that of Pariah’s betrayal when the power had gone to his head, had not done great things for the health of the realms. Danny was slowly but steadily changing that.

It was certainly easier to focus on than the fact that he had been summoned as the freaking Ghost King to do something he’d been on the way to deal with, locking him into a deal. He hadn’t had the heart to tell them he’d already been on the way there.

If only they had been a little bit less desperate - a little slower in their setup, all this could have been avoided.

All this power - he breathed in - the Realms’ energy, his to command and shape, infinite, still heavy with Pariah’s madness, but getting better, more colorful, lighter the more he channeled it through his core. All this power and yet, or rather because of that, he was bound by rules.

There were laws governing creatures such as him, such as Clockwork and Pandora: Ancients. Danny chuckled, it was still ridiculous to think of himself as such, he was after all only seven years dead. But as Clockwork said it wasn’t so much a matter of time as it was a matter of power.

Danny had already been powerful. Halfas, because of their still living nature, were naturally inclined to change and gaining power at a rate full ghosts didn’t. Danny having died as a teen while going through puberty (a big change in itself) allowed for exceptional power growth. Coupled with the stressful environment where he fought for his half-life weekly if not daily he had been on the fast track to become an ancient before he hit fifty.

Becoming the de facto Ghost King on his eighteenth birthday stopped that in a way. After a bout of panicked confusion things had stabilized, especially after the coronation made things all official. Danny’s power growth had slowed. It would be quite some time before Danny would be considered an ancient on his own merits now, which was just fine by him. On the flip side becoming Ghost King had made him an ancient by job description.

“Hard at work I see.”

“Clockwork,” Danny greeted, blinking open his eyes. His mentor smiled back at him from an old face that rapidly morphed younger.

“Your Majesty,” Clockwork greeted in return with a flourishing bow in the air.

Danny grimaced. “Really, Clockwork?”

“But that is what you are for the foreseeable future, is it not?”

Danny looked away, biting his lip. Indecision warred inside him, but in the end he couldn’t help but look back up and ask, “will it work?”

Warm amusement shone in the red eyes. “As long as you’re careful, this is not an easy path you’ve decided on.”

Danny scoffed. “How could I not? It was the only thing I could think of.”

“You don’t have any obligation.”

“Clockwork, I took a man from his family, their grief is paying for my assistance. I never-“ his own grief and revulsion rose up in a wave, he felt as if he would drown.

“I didn’t ask for this.” The words were choked out and small.

Clockwork opened his arms and Danny rushed forward into the embrace. He held on desperately, as a sob wrenched through his chest. So much for his calm and meditation. A hand brushed through his hair beneath where the crown floated.

“Having a kind heart is not an easy thing for a king.”

“I wanted them to hurt too though, for putting me in that situation,” Danny admitted quietly.

“Mhmm, a very human emotion.”

Danny flinched, but Clockwork continued running his hand through his hair undeterred.

“And did you let this emotion affect your decision?”

“No, of course not. The world needed saving, that was the most important.”

“Then I don’t see what else you could have done, my King.” Danny sighed, letting it go and letting the steady tick tock of the seconds counted by Clockwork’s chest calm him down.

“In any case there’s no changing the past,” Danny announced with forced cheer as he pushed away.

Clockwork promptly bonked him on the head with his staff and he yelped.

“A hard earned lesson.”

“I wasn’t asking you to.” Danny grumbled rubbing at his head. It was barely a tap, but it still smarted. “I just can’t help but wonder, you know? They thought I was a city spirit, Clockwork! If I could just change that misconception.”

“How about you focus on the present instead, hmmm? Could there maybe be something you’ve forgotten?”

“Forgotten?” Danny felt a curl of worry in his gut.

“mmhmmm,” Clockwork hummed in agreement.

Danny wracked his brain, but simply couldn’t figure out what he’d forgotten.

“How is that new pet of yours?”

“Pet?! I don’t have- Wait, you don’t mean Jason? He’s a human, not a pet! Really, Clockwork.” Danny turned away, disgruntled at Clockwork, both for calling Jason a pet and also because thinking of Jason brought all that he’d done right back up to the surface.

“And how is the human?”

“I don’t know, okay,” Danny huffed. “I haven’t seen him. But I’m sure he’s fine, he’s a big boy and I gave him free rein of the castle.”

“The semi-sentient castle that responds to your mood?”

Oh.

Oh no.

“Fuck.”

Oo o oO

“Jason!” A voice yelled frantically. There were hands on him shaking him. He blinked open his eyes, not quite focused and suddenly there were green eyes and cold gloved hands on his cheeks.

“Oh good, you’re alive.” There was a lot of relief in that voice.

Jason pushed away and the hands let him. He was normally faster to wake than this, but he must have really been woken up at the wrong time. He felt immensely tired. With a yawn he sat himself up. It took him a moment to comprehend the figure floating cross-legged inches off the bedspread; fluffy white hair and dark brows worried over green eyes, dark clothing, white gloves and a floating nebulous cape behind him that was like a rare view of the night sky. It was the burning crown that finally cut through the haze with a shot of fear through his system.

He moved back, away, until his back hit the headboard. His ears hurt in phantom pain and his eyes flickered searching for signs that the king was angry, but he seemed surprisingly solid, human except for the obvious glowing and floating. Also that was not anger, it was worry and pain and… sadness?

“It seems I have more things to apologize for than I realized.”

Jason met his eyes then and at that moment he just looked tired and sad. He reached a hand out to Jason.

“Will you join me for breakfast?”

Jason didn’t take the hand.

Eventually the king grimaced and looked away. “If you’d rather eat alone that’s also fine, but I think I owe you an explanation and an apology.”

“Okay,” Jason finally answered hesitantly.

“Okay?”

“Okay I’ll join you for breakfast.” Still, instead of taking the offered hand, Jason got out on his own on the other side of the bed. He felt a bit wobbly as he got to his feet but he refused to show any more weakness.

This time as they walked and floated respectively along the hallways there were windows. If the view was to be believed it was still night, clear and starry, with a full moon.

The king noticed him looking and floated over to a window looking out. His white starlight hair moved in a non existent wind and something in his expression softened.

“It is always a clear night sky here. The stars move with the seasons in the living realm matching the northern hemisphere. It is a way for me to tell time. It’s easy to loose track here otherwise.”

Jason would believe that, he’d already lost track of time.

“How long have I been here?”

The king hunched his shoulders. “It’s been thirteen days since the equinox. It is lucky you are as liminal as you are or you would be in a worse state.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means you are to some degree feeding on the energy that make up the Realms, like a ghost would.” The king sighed and turned around.

“So first apology. I had thought I gave you freedom to explore but I forgot to take into account that the castle is semi-sentient and responds to my mood, and my mood haven’t been the best.” His face darkened and it was like the hallway itself got darker and more cramped. Jason’s heart beat fast in his chest, he couldn’t focus on that, he wanted to step backwards, but he couldn’t let fear control him. He had to focus on something else.

“You forgot your castle is magical?” Jason asked, putting as much disbelief into the tone as he could force through his tight throat.

The oppressiveness disappeared, but now the King just looked tired again. “I have been king for two years, Jason, of which I still spent most of the time haunting my hometown. But still I should have realized, so I’m sorry.”

He seemed truthful, but still-

“Two years?” Jason asked weakly, that was no time at all and it was so little compared to what Jason had imagined, compared to what he suspected anyone imagined.

“Yeah, which leads into the second apology. I am in many ways still getting used to the power that comes with the position. I get a bit hard on mortal senses if I’m not careful with my emotions, your liminality protects you some, but,” the King flew closer and hovered so they were at eye height, Jason stiffened. “I was upset and I hurt you. I should have controlled myself better and now you’re scared of me.”

“I’m not scared.”

“Jason, I can taste your fear.”

A spike of fear shot through him and he gave in and stepped back. The king just gazed at him sadly.

“Again, I’m sorry.” He looked for a moment as if he wanted to say something more, but then his shoulders fell and he turned around. “The kitchen is this way.”

The drapes by the windows somehow seemed disappointed in Jason and when he stood still too long without following his section of the hallway tilted. He quickly stepped forward so he wouldn’t overbalance and followed the king - before the castle decided more drastic measures were needed.

Oo o oO

When Jason had imagined what it meant to join the king for breakfast, he wasn’t sure what he’d imagined. But it certainly wasn’t to be seated at a plain wooden table with benches in a medieval looking kitchen with what looked like a glowing, green skinned lunch lady complete with pink dress, hairnet and gloves.

“Thank you for coming with such short notice,” the king addressed the lunch lady from where he was seated across from Jason.

“Oh, it is no problem sweetie,” she replied in a kind voice as she set down a plate of scrambled eggs and bacon in front of each of them. “Growing boys needs lots of protein. And you are still much too skinny.”

Jason watched in fascination as the king rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment. It was such a human gesture.

“Yeah I’m afraid it’s a bit too late for me to do more growing.”

“Not all growing is physical, dear. Cookie?”

The sudden subject change was enough to give Jason whiplash. But the king seemed to almost expect it from his fond smile.

“You’re right of course. And yes, if you’re willing, we’d love a cookie each.”

The old lady chuckled and procured two chocolate chip cookies seemingly from nowhere. She put them down on two separate plates.

“Kingship suits you, Phantom, you’ve gotten much more polite.” There was something there, a history Jason could only begin to guess at.

“You can thank Dora’s lessons for that.”

“The dragon princess? I will be sure to remember. But I must go now, you take care boys.”

Dragon princess? It was like Jason had walked into a storybook.

They ate for a while in silence as Jason contemplated the scene he’d just watched. The king, or Phantom, Jason remembered now he’d also called himself that, seemed very young. He looked to be around Jason’s age, but of course that didn’t necessarily mean anything since he was a ghost, but he had said he had only been king for two years.

“So you eat,” Jason said just to get a conversation going.

“I can eat, but I don’t have to. Especially not here in the Realms.”

“And me? You said I absorb some energy here because I’m liminal? What does that mean?”

“It means that your spirit, your soul, whatever you wanna call it, hasn’t entirely forgotten how to be dead. But you’re not a proper ghost, so you can’t entirely feed on just the energy here.”

“So if I had never died?”

“This wouldn’t even be an option. I would never take a fully living here for long, they would be driven mad.”

Jason looked down at his food and continued eating, it was delicious and doubly more so because he was starving.

It wasn’t long before Phantom stood up.

“Thank you for indulging me. I won’t force my company on you any longer. The castle shouldn’t give you as much trouble as before - it is not meant to be a prison for you.” He seemed to say the last more to the room than Jason, there was a stern almost admonishing edge.

He was starting to leave and Jason felt a sudden urgency in his chest. This was the first interaction he’d had with anyone in what was apparently nearly two weeks. The loneliness and inactivity loomed like a beast.

“No, wait!”

Phantom turned halfway back. “Did you need anything else?”

“You can’t just leave me with no purpose! I need stuff to do or I will grow mad,” Jason pleaded.

“I don’t-“ Phantom frowned, he made a resigned movement with his hands. “Well, what do you like to do?”

“I-“ And suddenly that line of questioning felt way too intimate and personal. Jason settled for “I like to fight.”

There was something almost disappointed in the king’s gaze that grated in Jason’s chest. He sighed.

“I should have figured. Fright Knight.” He raised his voice on the last two words and suddenly from one blink to the next, there was a figure in grey gladiator armor and a flaming purple cape kneeling in front of him.

“My liege, what can I do for you?”

“Our guest-” he indicated Jason, “wishes to spend his time mastering the art of combat and is in need of a worthy sparring partner.”

The fright knight rose and studied Jason, only now did Jason realize he could see nothing but darkness and a pair of eyes inside the helmet.

“He doesn’t look like much.”

“He’s still alive, make sure he stays that way,” the king said absolutely deadpan, before turning and flying off, cape flaring behind him.

- Yay! Jason got something to eat finally. And he's for sure not gonna be bored anymore, so that's something XD

Things are looking up, or?

Anyways, hope you enjoyed. Comments and tags are greatly appreciated. For continuations you can subscribe to the masterpost

#Almanac #dp x dc #dead on main #summonings have consequences

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raparopa · 1 year

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Hey there :) I hope you’re having a great day :) please could I request headcanons for hotd characters where they find their crush drunk after a banquet and when she sees them she runs up to them and says I’m in love with you 💙💙

a/n: I didn't die (thanks for the request 🫀)

warnings: alcohol, femslash

drunk confessions

daemon targaryen

He perfectly saw what condition you were in, but unfortunately, he missed the moment when you disappeared from the hall. At first, he simply tried to find you with his eyes from his place, but when he realized that you were not there, he simply put down his glass and went to look for you along the corridors. And he was lucky to find you on the very first couch, in a state where you were already catching little invisible dragons above your head. He just chuckled as he knelt down in front of you.

-Y/N…

-Daemon!- you yelled, immediately throwing yourself on his neck, and almost knocking him onto his back. -It's you! I love you so much! Do you know how much I love you? More life! (approximately this is what you said, if you translate from a drunken language)

- Of course you do, lassy. I would have expected something else. - Daemon just said, dragging your drunk, screaming love messages, body to the chambers.

criston cole

He did not leave your side throughout the entire banquet, but still, you managed to slip away unnoticed to the balcony, taking a jug of wine with you) and he caught himself too late. The knight found you on the floor, leaning back against the partition, hugging the jug.

- Milady, I think you're a little drunk. Let me help you. -He barely lifted you to your feet when your eyes cleared for a moment and you saw who was in front of you.

-Help me with the power of your love, oh incredible knight ... After all, my love for you is limitless!- you shouted, which made Criston, of course, pleased, and his ears even turned pink, but at the same time he wanted to fall through the ground.

-Shhhhh...Y/N, don't shout...

-But I want to scream about my feelings, my life, my soul,-you purred, grabbing his cheeks.

- It can be done not where half the kingdom has gathered, dear lady.

aemond targaryen

I certainly doubt very much that he would let you drink yourself unconscious, but oh well. Let's imagine that you really managed to outdrink his brother and were now looking for adventure on the... head. And you would have found them if you had not been grabbed by the hand and dragged in another direction, past the adventure.

- What are you doing, my lady? How much did you drink?-Aemond asked, almost worried, holding your shoulders to keep you on your feet. -Y/N, dear, please tell me something.

You blinked a couple of times, noticed the silver sheen of your hair.

-I can only say that I love you, my prince. This is the most important thing that can happen right now. -You grumbled as you fell into his arms. He froze. Did you only say that because you were drunk? Because he was a little angry because of your behavior? Why you… You snorted something, kissed him on the cheek, and began to sniff again, hanging on him like a squirrel collar. And his heart stopped. Okay, he'll deal with it tomorrow. Now it is important that you do not fall asleep in the garden.

aegon targaryen

Guys, I know you got drunk together. But do not underestimate his merits! His experience is much greater than yours. So, if he could still connect words into sentences, then we communicated in separate words with an interval of several minutes. He didn’t have to look for you anywhere, since you both sat down in some corner with a wine supply, emptying the bottles. And while he was complaining about his life to you, you were just tired. Your body has already ceased to obey you, there was not enough air from the corset, and all you wanted to do was sleep. But you did not find anything soft, except for Aegon's shoulder, so it was decided to lie down there. Your head fell helplessly on his shoulder, and for some reason you decided that it would be great to take his hand. -

I love you.-You muttered, drifting off to sleep.

-What? What did you say?-He sobered up.-Hey, Y/N, what did you just say?-Aegon was scared that he didn't hear you or misinterpreted your words. He shook his shoulder, hoping to get an answer out of you, but you did not respond, seeing the hundredth dream.

-Hey Y/N!- he leaned over to make sure you were probably playing him, but seeing that you were asleep made him almost cry at the absurdity of the situation.

And what should he do now?

alicent hightower

-Come, dear, it's time to rest. -she gently led you into the room, making sure that you did not run into the column. - I think we should give up this type of wine for a while. It's too strong for such holidays. - Alicente giggled, and you echoed her laughter, holding onto the wall. When you finally passed the corridor and ended up in your bed, the Queen kindly helped you get rid of all the things that prevented you from sleeping.

-I hope you'll be in good health tomorrow.- She ran her hand through your hair.

-Me t-too… Your Majesty,- you giggled again. What have I done to deserve your love?

- With your love, Y/N. Rest.

lucerys velaryon

Nothing. Both of you just got drunk, as if you were seeing alcohol for the first time, secretly from your mothers, and fell asleep two meters from the door on top of each other. 🐻

jacaerys velaryon

-JACAERYS!- You yelled as soon as he appeared from around the corner. He stopped in amazement, not understanding what was happening. You rushed to him, jumping into his arms, causing Jace to spin in place, with you in his arms.

-Y/N, where have you been? I was looking for you everywhere. - he said, returning you to the ground. Your eyes sparkled, you smiled slyly.

-Walked.

He blinked several times, peering into your face.

- Are you drunk?

-NOT AT ALL! ONLY IF FROM LOVE TO YOU! -You burst out laughing, grabbing his hands and happily showering his face with small kisses.

- Oh gods, Y/N ... - the prince was embarrassed, trying to hide a smile. - You drank... “

-Oh no!- you screamed theatrically, pouting your lips in resentment. -My prince is in doubt because of my love!- Is he really sure that I don’t love him at all!?

- I didn't say that. I just assumed. - Jacaerys was embarrassed, slightly squeezing your hand. - This does not mean that I do not love you. Quite the opposite. You smiled happily, again drowning him in kisses.

rhaenyra targaryen

She was standing on the balcony, breathing in the cool air, when you crept up behind and hugged her from behind, resting your chin on her shoulder. You slightly swayed from drunk alcohol.

-Y/N. - she grinned, stroking your hands a little. - What are you doing here? I thought you were having fun today in the company of wine. - she pricked. You muttered something unhappily, which made Rhaenyra laugh.

-I prefer the company of my beloved heiress. - you answered, feeling your tongue tangle.

-Really? Can I take this as a kind of recognition?

-Well, of course. I can say this tens of thousands of times until you are sure my princess. But, only when the company of good wine will let me go.

She laughed again, intertwining your fingers.

- I love you too, Y/N.

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simplytolkien · 2 years

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Wow, I’m getting a lot of aggressive messages about my opinion of Rings of Power. I knew there would be some push-back from our lovely modern internet society, but this is stupid. I never said the show was perfect, but I enjoy it, and I hate this snobby nit-picking. Why our society has come to believe that this sort of tiny-minded critical attitude shows how intelligent and sophisticated you are, I don’t know, but it’s frankly stupid. It just shows you up for being ignorant and lacking in grace. Especially since right at the beginning of the show it says ‘based on The Lord of the Rings and Appendices by J.R.R. Tolkien’ right on the screen in the intro. Based on means not 100% faithful. In any project. And the complaints I’m getting about changes to the story show that people haven’t actually paid attention to the original lore anyway, and all but two of the complaints are about things that actually are accurate. They just seem to be riding the seemingly ‘cool’ wave of hate for the show that started long before there ever even was a preview released. Some people made up their minds when it was announced that it was going to be bad, and they seem to be controlling the narrative about it, which is a shame, and people who have such a need to be ‘cool’ follow along without their own opinions as usual. But I think the show so far is strong enough to overcome such narrow bigots and stand firm in its own merits and be loved by people for time to come, and if some people want to watch it and be angry and miserable, that’s their loss. I do know some people are actually not going to like it, and hey, that’s okay too. Just give it a fair shake before you actually decide you don’t like it.

Yes, there are a few issues with Galadriel so far. They are changing her story and timeline, but that isn’t a deal breaker for me. I don't mind her taking a more active role in the wars, just like I've said before that Arwen riding Frodo to the Fords, while not at all accurate, is still one of my favourite scenes in the movies, and they had more scenes filmed with her along those lines that didn’t make it to the films. As a woman who loves Tolkien, I understand that he definitely wasn’t the misogynist he’s often accused of being. He wrote many beautifully strong women and wrote several who expressed dissatisfaction with the ‘traditional’ notion of womanhood, Éowyn being the most famous. And of course, Lúthien, based so lovingly on his wife, was anything but traditional. Another favourite of mine is this quote and conversation between Erendis and her daughter in Númenor. I like that these projects are portraying strong women, even if it isn’t in the exact same places where Tolkien did. Galadriel fighting isn’t far-fetched to how her character was written. Tolkien even had her mother-name (one of three names elves are given) mean man-maiden because she was such a tomboyish elf, always riding and hunting and doing it all better than most of the men (and also because she was taller than most women and had a deeper voice). So far she is somewhat tactless, grumpy, and hasty, but I think it’s simply a case of early-episode overcompensation. I’ve seen it over and over in shows where they come out of the gate really hard with a character’s attitude for the first few episodes to firmly establish a character in viewers’ minds, and then they begin to mellow or soften their approach. It isn’t my favourite approach, but it is commonly used in the industry. I am hoping they give her more grace soon. And it isn’t Morfydd Clark’s fault. I think she’s doing an amazing job with what they’re writing for her and how they’re directing her. The only things about her that aren’t exact for the role is that she isn’t tall or deep-voiced, but she can’t change those... Otherwise, perfect.

But you have to understand that Galadriel was a rebel. She was a rebel and a leader in the rebellion of the Ñoldor when they left Valinor because she strongly desired to rule her own kingdom. She was full of pride and ambition, and that was her driving force for many many years, which was why she was still tempted by the Ring in the Third Age and had to resist to be allowed to sail back into the West. No, she never would have sailed for Valinor (which I think was included to portray her rebellion against the Valar), and yes, she should have met Celeborn by this time, but again, this show has five seasons planned. It’s only been three episodes. Give it time. Yeesh. And I myself am not sorry that we potentially get to watch her love story happen. But she wasn’t a ruling elf from the beginning. Eventually for a time she and Celeborn ruled a small group of elves sort of like a fiefdom under Gil-Galad before moving into what becomes Lothlórien, so her being a commander under Gil-Galad isn’t ridiculously far-fetched.

When it comes to Elrond, the theme in the messages I’m getting is that he isn’t being treated right because he’s a lord and not a politician, like he’s being treated like a nobody. Again, people need to read more of Tolkien than Lord of the Rings to talk about these very aged characters. Lord of the Rings was the very end of Elrond’s life in Middle-Earth. Rings of Power has his earlier role spot on so far. He wasn't Ñoldorin, who were the ruling elves at this point, or even a High Elf since he was never in Valinor. And he wasn’t full elf. He had some human and Maia. (I’ll post a cool breakdown of Elrond’s genealogy that 5ummit created after this.) He wouldn't have naturally had a high position with the Ñoldorin at this point, but it goes a long way to showing how he was valued that he was Gil-Galad's herald and a captain, which is lore accurate. He wasn't the heir of all major houses as such. He wasn't even a prince while Galadriel was a princess in both the Ñoldor and the Teleri. Elrond’s line was respected and loved since he was Lúthien’s great-grandson, but it wasn’t a ruling line (ringofsecrets is right; he was royal through Lúthien, but they no longer had a kingdom). It was just that after the first war with Sauron, he was one of only two elf commanders who survived, Cirdan being the other, and so Elrond became a ruling elf because he was loved and wise. He was offered the title High-King, having been connected with Gil-Galad, but he turned it down since he wasn't of the bloodline of the High-Kings through a male ancestor (even though he was through a female ancestor) and because so few of the Ñoldorin were left that it didn’t matter. And actually, Galadriel had a far closer claim to that title herself, being niece or great-niece or something close like that of the first High-King. (I get all the F names in her family confused when I haven’t read The Silmarillion in a while.) But I don't think anyone wanted the title. The four Ñoldorin kings all came to bloody ends... I do like that they made Elrond and Galadriel friends since eventually Elrond marries Galadriel’s daughter.

And then there was the comment on the post about the hobbits and their age, but it was worded oddly, so I’m not sure exactly what you’re saying? I think you mean the culture is portrayed as too old, like hobbits didn’t exist for another 2300 years? But again, there’s nothing objectionable here. In Tolkien’s lore the hobbits came from more primitive ancestors, the same ones Gollum came from, and if you remember, Gollum had found the ring over 500 years before ‘The Hobbit’ happened, and he was in an established group in the east where Isildur would have dropped the ring when he died. It was in the same region that Beorn lived, east of the Misty Mountains near what became Mirkwood. There were three breeds: Harfoots, Stoors, and Fallohides. The Harfoots and Fallohides were the first who over time travelled north and west to finally settle in the Shire because of various unrest and dangers, especially those caused by Sauron moving into and settling in what became Mirkwood. The Stoors, the breed Gollum was, moved around in the east a lot longer and interacted with the Dunlendings some before finally moving west into the Shire. These hobbits aren’t early. They’re simply living primitively in the east, just like Tolkien said the three different breeds who were the hobbits’ ancestors did before they came to the Shire and intermingled until they were one people. And unlike every other race in Middle-Earth, Tolkien didn’t once write an origin story for hobbits. He never described their creation. The first record of interaction with the ‘Big Folk’ was with the Éothéod, the ancestors of the Rohirrim, in far-away times and in the east, so no one knows when and where they originated.

I never said I thought Rings of Power is 100% accurate to the books. That never happens in any project, especially one that says ‘based on’. But I love that it seems so far like they're staying true to more than people think. Really, so far they’ve just changed some of the timelines or minor events. The actors have interviews explaining some of the thinking behind decisions made, and the creators themselves said that some of it would be different to the commonly held versions of Tolkien's works because Tolkien was ALWAYS changing things. I mean, he worked on this world for decades, so he was always fiddling with timelines and lineages and so on. Even some of the main characters and events in the Silmarillion changed quite a few times after the Silmarillion was written, including Galadriel and her whole family of Finarfin and Fëanor and such, who were changed enough times that it's still not clear who Gildor Inglorien is. That's why the creators of Rings of Power consulted Tolkien's grandson Simon. They wanted his knowledge of some of the more obscure information since Tolkien was changing things until he died. I think that's cool. It feels like they're honoring Tolkien's whole approach to his world instead of just saying 'this is what it was period end of.'

No matter what they do, there will always be people who want to gripe and complain, and then there will be people who legitimately don’t like it, and that’s totally okay. I mean, I hate Game of Thrones, but I don’t go around the internet taking it out on people who like it. Let them enjoy what they enjoy. I’ve learned to just let people be themselves and enjoy the cool things that can come out of that, even if it’s not necessarily what I would do. That doesn’t mean it’s wrong, and if this is how the creators want to honor Tolkien, they’re the ones who had the courage to approach studios and say, ‘Hey, we know we’ve never made a tv show before, but we love Tolkien and have this great idea.’ And then they put in the hours and hours and hours of work. Don’t tear down the people that do things if you’re too scared, lazy, unmotivated, or unable to try yourself. I know I wouldn’t be interested in doing it. I think they’re doing a beautiful job with cosmetics and graphics and just creating a beautiful world for these characters to live in, and I’m going to enjoy my journey through it, along with the other people who choose to live with gratitude and enjoyment and sent lovely messages and comments. :)

#rings of power #tolkien #simply tolkien #my tolkien nerdom came out strong in this post #stronger than normally anyway #but i just thought maybe there are some people that will judge less harshly if they know some of the history #like i hated the way cate blanchett did galadriel's voice in the lotr movies #until i read tolkien say that she had a deeper than normal voice #now i'm like that is so right!#and any studio financially benefits an awful human being #most are just wise enough to stay out of the public eye #are you going to boycott every movie or tv show ever made?#any more hateful message senders will be blocked #sorry not sorry #it's just a tv show #grow up #i still love the show #let's just see how it goes

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leaderpinhead · 7 months

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Vil- Saturday Morning In Pomefiore

Vil didn’t altogether agree with Crewel’s puppy adages, but he was beginning to see the merits for placing a tracker on his current project. His empty room accepted his tired sigh without judgement. He impatiently pulled his phone from his pocket.

“How may I be of service, Roi du Poison?”

“Rook, she’s escaped again.”

“The hunt begins!”

Vil rolled his eyes towards the ceiling and ended the call. He admittedly took his time changing out of his casual wear and into his dorm uniform, chiding himself on the little mistakes he had made. He had gotten ahead of himself—let his own excitement cloud his better judgement. He should have known better than to line up the full set of skin exfoliants across his vanity. Granted, most of it was for his personal use—a brand he was actually excited had chosen him to be their spokesperson—but Yuu’s eyes had grown three sizes bigger when she had seen the products upon her arrival. He should have known from her darting glances she was calculating her chance of escape. Still, he had placed just enough trust in her to leave her alone while he dug through his closet for the headbands he had ordered them last week.

He would have to start handcuffing her to the chair. Yuu had brought this upon herself. These little escapades around Pomefiore were becoming ridiculous.

The other students of Pomefiore respectfully greeted him when Vil swept down the hall. One pair waited just long enough for him to pass before he heard a light chuckle. “It looks like the prefect has escaped into the dorm again.”

“I can’t believe he has the gall to embarrass the housewarden that way! He should be ashamed.”

“Really? I never get the impression Vil is embarrassed or even angry. He always seems to enjoy the excitement as much as Rook.”

Vil glanced over his shoulder, but the pair had already disappeared into a room. Enjoy? Excitement? His only source of embarrassment was continuously placing so much trust in her, and he most certainly didn’t enjoy wasting his time chasing her around the dorm.

Knowing Rook would catch her trail soon enough, Vil took his time checking behind his vice housewarden. He glanced up at every chandelier; into every nook or cranny larger than his hand; underneath every table and shelf.

Vil paused outside of the ballroom. He checked all around him before releasing a tired sigh. How in all of Twisted Wonderland did Yuu manage to disappear the way she did? If Vil didn’t know any better, he would believe she was performing some type of teleportation magic. Whenever he turned his back, he swore Yuu just went poof! in a puff of smoke.

A muffled sound drew him to a nearby window. Down in the courtyard, he witnessed Yuu attempting her escape. She froze next to the fountain and ducked around a nearby bush. Rook appeared farther down the path and made his way in the direction where she crouched. Rook made a show of checking the other bushes before moving on. Vil couldn’t hear his vice housewarden, but he could imagine the boisterous tone in his voice while he delivered a monologue to thin air.

Instead of running down the obvious escape route, Yuu looped around the fountain and cautiously followed Rook back towards the dorm. Vil continued staring out the window even after they both vanished from his sight. It didn’t take long for Yuu to come sprinting back through the courtyard. Rook was close on her tail, the feather in his hat whipping around his head.

Vil didn’t realize he was smiling until a familiar voice spoke behind him. “See? How often do you see the housewarden smile like that?”

“I still think the prefect thinks too highly of himself.”

Vil whipped around, but the boys had already disappeared around the corner again. Frowning at their oddly precise timing, Vil turned on his heel and headed in the opposite direction. Rook and Yuu’s trajectory would bring them around to the front of the dorm. It would be best for him to intersect them earlier rather than later. He didn’t want to waste his entire Saturday morning.

#twisted wonderland #vil schoenheit #twstober #day 12 poof

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itsbinghebitch · 9 months

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ok so here’s the tea

this is gonna be about build and the whole shitshow of last week. consider it more of a public diary entry on my part.

i want to preface this with saying i really regret my anger outburst. i think it’s a really complicated situation and it lacked a lot of tact on my part to insult other fans no matter how angry i was feeling in that moment. i consider myself a thoughtful person but idk sometimes i deal with severe mood swings that i can’t control which. yeah, that doesn’t excuse attacking other people. and yeah even if i perceived homophobia/bigoted attitudes in the fandom, i recognize that i there are fans who are really going through a hard time right now and painting their moral dilemma as ‘excusing homophobia’ is not helpful.

i totally get that. i believe there can be productive conversations in this fandom. on the other hand, i don’t believe it was right for people to outright block me and alienate me when i expressed that, as a queer person, i cannot tolerate emerging attitudes in the fandom that excuse what build has said as simply manipulation on poi’s part. it’s a very difficult issue, because on the one hand you have the toxic/abusive relationship he clearly was in, and on the other you have an individual that has an enormous amount of growth to do, and an individual we all don’t know personally at that. it is, at the end of the day, a projection. who you think build is depends on your own experiences and philosophy on abuse, rehabilitation, nature vs nurture... so on and so forth.

it’s really heartbreaking to say, i’ve had so much trouble writing any vegaspete fic for a while now because however much i want to stick to the characters and not the actors, a little voice in my brain always reminds me of the whole build dilemma. and while before there might have been plausible deniability, that build had been wronged on so many fronts, now i can’t help but think of the comments he made on bible’s appearance. like did he think bible was ugly when filming with him. did he have bigoted/homophobic views as he was making vegaspete a reality, etc.

so that’s where i’m at folks. i might be able to dispassionately discuss this issue, still engage with kpts for its narrative merits, love vegaspete for what it has meant to me for over a year. but at a gut level, i can’t help it. i am an INFJ cancer moon bitch which means i make judgments with my third eye or pussy or something and i believe that’s a feature rather than a moral flaw.

i will always find sympathy for other marginalized people in fandom. i really hope your time here has been a respite, however brief, from the general shittiness of everything (at least that’s what kpts fandom has been for me). but i think the moment fandom subsumes your identity in any way, the moment you start judging emerging fandom topics as ‘us vs. them,’ you really have to take a step back and ask yourself what the real issue is.

is the real underlying issue the fandom or is it the overall lack of transparency from the person we’re debating? is it some rando on the other side of the world in a forum of 200 people or is it celebrity culture, which is opaque by design? is it social media, meant to maintain your interest, endlessly tweet, endlessly consume, keep the money making machine going with just one small nudge? with just a few well-placed hashtags? with its slot game mechanism and gambling level addictiveness and constant abstraction of real people? what is that is *really* making me angry?

because i don’t believe it’s another fan who, just like me, is trying to make it through today. that’s what i think. and that’s why i choose to step back and redirect my anger to the people with real power in this world. and that’s what i urge everyone to do when the going gets too crazy.

#thots on fandom and celebrity culture

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ladsofsorrow24 · 1 year

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get ready to read me dumping all of my feelings for makima here (spoilers in the read more!)

while i was doing laundry just now, i'm reminded of how i felt when i first read chainsaw man, and how... empty i felt after finishing part 1. i can't remember when did i first read it, because it's been... a while but i do remember at the time, what really caught me off guard about makima is how... much i excused her behavior towards denji and everyone around her just because she's in a form of a woman.

god, that's the biggest mistake i made right there.

i actually felt betrayed by fujimoto when i finished reading chapter 74 for the first time. seeing makima laughed at denji's face for naively putting his faith on her. it felt like i was the one being mocked. i actually had to take a break after reading it because i felt so angry at makima.

but now, after... going through some traumatic shit myself that's pretty similar to what happened to denji... i kinda felt like a fool for believing makima's... facade in the first two chapters. and i think that also has something to do with the current climate of feminism and how... asian culture had this weird gender essentialism thing where people can't process the thought of women being evil without being outright obnoxious/rude about it. combined the two, and you got people reading fictional works and thought "ah there's no way this female character is evil, she's too nice"

hell, just like me, there are people out there who think of this when it comes to women in their lives too.

and to see this manga tackle such... sensitive issue in this very subtle way, i'm also grateful to fujimoto for not... ridiculing denji too much for believing makima. he's not at fault here, no matter how much stupid mistakes he made, i can never blame him for falling into makima's traps. because he is starving for affection, for acceptance, for kindness. just like a lot of people, he have difficulty understanding that not all kindness, acceptance and affection are unconditional.

but we always tried our best to think positively of other people. so no, it's not your fault if you ended up trusting the wrong person, things... happened. for a reason, i hope so.

and just like i mentioned before about asian's gender essentialism bs and the current social climate regarding gender equality etc, it is very rare to see women, especially evil women represented in a way that isn't a) obnoxiously loud, b) boldly sexual and c) stupidly weak when confronted with men

so, really, i'm glad i picked up the manga again after i throw it away from my first reading. because now i get to appreciate just how... complex makima as a character is. in my current mindset, i'm able to enjoy how cool yet terrifying she is. but also how... surprisingly vulnerable her inner mind is, after knowing that what she really desires is nothing more than just an equal-footing relationship with another person. it makes me realized that... really even abusers are still human beings.

i'm not trying to forgive abusers here, they're actively doing things for their own selfish reasons, but. i think there is merit in understanding how... bad people can become bad. "nature vs nurture" and all that.

tldr'; i just think makima is pretty fucking neat and people who be like "oh she's truly evil" can benefit from looking at her character in a more nuanced way. especially if you're someone aspiring to write complex character with subtle mannerisms.

#chainsaw man spoilers #makima #chainsaw man meta #kinda? idk #but yeah if you can't guess yet #i love makima #yet i also hate her #you get what i mean

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sleepdeprivedandinsane · 2 years

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(Please bear with me; I've had writers block for months and can't get out so this might suck 😭🤚) (should i make this a series?)

Prompt: "there is no simple love story. If it's simple, it isn't love. If it's love, it'll get complicated." (I found this on Google, idk where it's from or who said it) (gif isn't mine, it's by @slytherinnpride)

Hermione ran through the conversion over and over in her head, trying to figure out if there was something else she could've said to convince Ron to stay.

She tried to find any proof that would dispute his claims, that he was just jealous and insecure and wearing the horcrux only made it worse.

But the more she thought, the more she came to realize it's more complicated than it seems. What she and Harry have is unique, sure, and not many people could understand. But was it really something more?

She couldn't think of a time that Harry seemed interested in her as anything more than a friend. But then again, she wasn't the best judge.

Was there a time where she thought of him as more? Was her decision to stay with him on the hunt made out of loyalty or something else? How would she even go about sifting through these thoughts and feelings?

She could feel Harry's stare boring into her back. Could practically hear the words he wanted to say before he even said them.

"You can leave." He said, just as she thought he would. "I know you miss your parents."

She shook her head. "No. I'm not leaving you." She said, and she didn't even have to think about it. Just as she knew he would say that, she knew she could never leave him.

She still stood facing the entrance to the tent, her back to Harry. She bit her nails, something she picked up while on the run, probably from stress.

"Is- does what he said hold any merit?" She asked slowly, nervously.

"He's always been jealous and insecure, Mione. And he was wearing the amulet, so he probably couldn't fight off those thoughts." He said.

'That wasn't an answer.' She thought. But she didn't say it aloud. Because if she's being honest, does she want to know the answer? She doesn't even know how to answer that question herself, how could she expect Harry to know the answer?

She tried to think of the advice her mom or Professor McGonagall would give her. She really wishes she could ask them right about now. But she feels like she knows them well enough to know what they'd say.

They'd probably turn the question on her, something cryptic, along the lines of: "what do you want the answer to be?"

Well, she doesn't know. She wishes that things were less complicated. That love was less complicated.

-------------------------------------------

The question didn't get any easier to answer over the next few weeks they spent alone.

They'd hardly even spoken to each other, the question hanging between them traitorously.

Harry knew that Ron had a thing for Hermione, and knowing this is why he never made a move on Hermione himself. He'd always just shoved those feelings to the back of his mind, doing his best to ignore them.

He didn't know how to answer Hermione, because truthfully, it did have some merit. Some. He would never go behind Ron's back like that, but he does have feelings for Hermione.

And Hermione, well, she didn't know what to feel.

She knew it was only bothering her because it has some truth. Otherwise, why would she still be thinking about it? If she certainly didn't feel that way about Harry, she would've written it off a long time ago instead of spending weeks on end torturing herself.

So, would that then mean that she does have feelings for Harry? Why does it have to be so hard? Is she only thinking so much about it because she doesn't want to hurt Ron?

Well, of course she doesn't want to hurt him. But would he be able to get over it if she and Harry ended up together?

She knows Harry would be respectful and move on, but Ron...

Perhaps it truly was the horcrux making him so angry and jealous. Maybe he would be okay if she and Harry started seeing each other.

But does she want that? Does she want to be with Harry? Does he even see her that way?

God, why did Ron have to bring it up right in the middle of a war? Their minds are already muddled enough, how could anyone expect someone to be able to sort through their feelings in this state?

But why was she making it so complicated? Her and Harry have never been complicated. It's always been rather simple: Hermione and Harry.

If they were to date and things were to end, she knows they would be alright after a while. But why would they end? She can't think of a single time where he left her hanging. And she has never left his side before, certainly not when he needed her.

It wouldn't take much to cross that invisible line. One small step, and they'd be out of the friend zone.

Had they always teetered on that line? So close to becoming something more, but never actually taking it that one step further?

Perhaps that's why Ron was so insecure. Maybe that's why no one was ever surprised by a new rumor between them. Maybe everyone else saw it before they did.

So was there something there?

-----------------------------------------------

The radio played softly in the background, but neither Harry nor Hermione paid it any mind.

Harry sat in one of their chairs by the table, hands in his pockets, staring ahead but not really looking at anything.

Hermione sat on the steps next to the wireless radio, with the amulet around her neck, lost in thought.

The only sound besides the song playing was the harsh wind whipping at the tent, the entrance flapping despite being zipped shut.

Harry couldn't stand the stilted air between them. Couldn't stand Hermione being so sad all the time. And what's worse is he can't do anything about it.

Hermione was thinking of this herself. About the tension between them, where there used to be none. It used to be so easy, but now they walked on eggshells around each other, and she hates it. Harry's always stressed, always tense, and she can never tell if he's angry or sad. Maybe both.

She'd faintly registered him moving, but didn't expect him to stop right in front of her.

She looked up at him confused, brows furrowed. He said nothing as he held out his hands, urging her to take them. She silently complied, and allowed him to pull her to her feet.

He reached around her neck and unclasped the amulet, allowing it to fall from her neck into his hands. He reached around her and set it on the table next to the radio, turning the volume up before he straightened.

Wordlessly, he pulled her towards the middle of the tent. He started swaying, pushing and pulling at her arms until she realized what he was doing. That he was trying to get her to dance.

She smiled a little at that, allowing him to spin and sway them as the song picked up.

~Hey little train, wait for me

I once was blind but now I see

Have you left a seat for me?

Is that such a stretch of the imagination?

~Hey little train, wait for me

Was held in chains but now I'm free

I'm hanging in there don't you see

In this process of elimination

~Hey little train, we're jumping on

The train that goes to the kingdom

We're happy Ma, we're having fun (ooh, children)

It's beyond my wildest expectation (ooh, children)

Eventually, they slowed to a gentle sway as the song faded. She laid her chin on his shoulder, and he leaned his head against hers.

After a few moments, she pulled away slightly, just far enough so she could see his face.

She could see the unasked question in his eyes. She could see that he was leaving that door open should she decide to cross their invisible line.

She went to step away, she wanted to for a split second. But just before she did, a little voice in the back of her mind whispered: 'why not?'

And, why shouldn't she? Why aren't they together? Ron isn't there with them, because he left. He left them when they needed him most. But Harry's never left her, she's always been able to count on him, and she knows she'll always be able to. Ron isn't here, so why is she still tip-toeing around his feelings? Why is she pushing Harry away and ignoring her feelings?

She knows love is complicated, but with Harry it doesn't have to be. She knows things will get complicated once word gets out, and she knows it'll get complicated when Ron finds out. But it doesn't have to be complicated with Harry.

It only took her a second to decide, despite her feeling like it took minutes to sort through those thoughts.

She stepped towards him again, cupping his face in her hands. He pulled her close, holding her by her waist. He leaned his forehead against hers, and neither said anything for a few moments.

"Why haven't we, Harry?" She whispered.

He knew what she was asking, he always knows what she means. "I don't know." He responded softly.

She pulled back just enough to look in his eyes. She looked for any hint of doubt, or trepidation, or hesitation. She found none. She saw hope, anticipation, affection, and dare she say, love?

She hoped he saw the same emotions reflected in her eyes, because she wasn't sure she could put them into words.

She decided words weren't needed, that she was done waiting. She pulled him towards her and kissed him.

It isn't anything like she would have expected, it's gentle and soft, and he's kissing her like she's the only girl in the world. She feels precious and loved, and she doesn't know how she went so long without kissing him before.

When they pulled away, she couldn't stop smiling. Frankly, neither could he.

Yeah, she could get used to the simplicity of them, of just being Harry and Hermione.

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catflowerqueen · 2 years

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So, we obviously saw some pretty sad stuff today from Lunar as far as his opinions of himself and his self-worth goes, but at the same time, it also revealed more stuff about Moon’s opinion of himself. Like—while I am glad he forgave Lunar for his role in things, like causing him pain and trapping him… the fact that he doesn’t really see that as a big deal is very worrisome. Like. That was traumatic, on multiple levels, considering his prior situation with Sun. So by brushing it off like that… well it almost seems to imply that he maybe thought it was deserved on his part? At least subconsciously? And then that part about thinking “the kids would get along a lot better with you than me”… I mean, I guess we don’t really know what the kids actual opinions are, and it is highly likely that he does scare a lot of them—sometimes deliberately—but I think he is selling himself short.

Like—from some of the things he’s said, Sun also terrifies the kids sometimes (albeit his instances are definitely accidental), and we know Moon has a soft spot for kids in general. And, sure, he probably would be happier interacting with them in a different capacity—like, I really think the idea of getting him some sort of “science corner” has a lot of merit. But he is selling himself really short, and it is the sort of thing that Lunar has actually hinted at towards Sun. During that first introduction, where he asked Sun “aren’t I better?” in reference to there not being any parent complaints… I’m pretty sure Lunar did not come up with that idea on his own, and it goes deeper than just noticing there being fewer complaints.

On another note, it also makes sense that Moon would be okay with sharing his body. Because his issue was never the sharing part so much as the fact that he never really got a full turn, and even when he did, the process hurt Sun. Because Sun even admitted right at the start of October that he’d never realized how much time and control over their situation that he really did—and still does—monopolize. But when Moon first made that deal with Lunar, he was very specific about his issue with Lunar being the “forcibly taking over” part. And he has willingly, and even gratefully that one time with the Creator, let Lunar have control. Also, I am pretty sure he is grateful for the fact that Lunar is acting as his kill code suppressor.

Beyond that, he has always been amicable when interacting with Lunar and taking his opinions into account. Sure, he’s insulted him a few times, but at least part of that was due to his understandable distress when he first found out about his existence, and the rest of it is mostly due to his general personality—he just insults people a lot, and most of the time it is in jest and he doesn’t really mean for it to be cutting. Besides that, he’s one of the few people who has never tried to physically hurt him. Or even threaten him, really. Even when he was trying (and failing) to dissuade Lunar from taking over at the start of that one week. He wasn’t even mad at Lunar at the end of it! And even if Moon isn’t exactly “okay” with sharing… he at least understands Lunar’s point of view. Because that whole thing about Lunar just wanting to do his own thing and have fun? That’s exactly why Moon wanted his own body in the first place.

Assuming they can figure out whatever “corruption” issue Eclipse has been alluding to—which I really hope they can, and that Lunar will make it out of this okay!—I really do think Moon would be a good big brother figure, possibly even a mentor figure, to Lunar. And I think he would also be a good go-between as far as smoothing things over between Lunar and Sun. Because even if Lunar does apologize to Sun and gets forgiven—and I see no reason why that wouldn’t happen, because it has before—I still feel like their relationship will be understandably rockier. If only because Sun is going to have to play double duty of being righteously angry on Moon’s behalf for what Lunar put him through as far as the pain goes. Because a little bit of anger at that is justifiable and healthy, so long as the feeling doesn’t overwhelm the holder, and Moon needs to realize that and gain his own self-worth.

Because while I do think Lunar deserves forgiveness, and not everything that went down—especially in regards to the “causing pain through movement” thing—was either his or Lunar’s fault, since movement is inevitable (though some of that was indeed preventable and even though Lunar tried to mitigate it later, he did very much do some extra movements at time specifically to hurt Moon), Moon also deserves to know that his pain and fear matters just as much as Sun’s did and does. And Sun has his own reasons even beyond his brother to be mad at Lunar and the situation in general, so…

I mean—I don’t think he is going to hit Lunar again, especially because that first time was more heat of the moment and not really knowing what else to do to get Moon back whereas this time it is clear that Lunar did change sides and was trying to help—not to mention that his own situation with Eclipse was extremely dangerous—but I am pretty sure there is going to be at least a bit of yelling and/or cold shoulder treatment at times. Or at the very least there is going to be a lot more awkwardness between them for a while.

But I think eventually he will be okay with allowing Lunar to call him his brother, and will eventually think the same of him in turn. (And on THAT note, it is interesting to me that Moon just replied with Lunar’s name when Lunar said “Bye, Brother.” I am hoping this was just because of the newness of the situation and Moon needing a little bit of time to warm up to the idea, and that the sentiment will eventually be reciprocated on his end. Or—well, I guess it already might be. It’s not like he exclusively refers to Sun as “brother,” either. And honestly, on Lunar’s end he’s probably going to just keep defaulting to calling Moon “Moony.” Which is cute.)

And on a completely unrelated note… While I am sure Moon is just keeping up the glowing because he needs to impersonate Lunar in front of Eclipse (and probably also Blood Moon. …and possibly because he just doesn’t know how to turn that feature off yet), part of me thinks he is secretly pleased to be able to glow himself for a bit, since he found the idea to be cool when he was talking with Monty that one time. And it will also be interesting if either he or Eclipse makes any mention of how things at the daycare proper are going, since apparently (and both surprisingly and not) Eclipse and Lunar were still keeping that running while Sun and Moon have been gone. It is going to be really weird for Moon to have to act like Lunar during that, but it also might help him with that self-worth thing?

…It also might mean that he’s going to be the one playing with Eclipse in the next gaming episode, unless it is more Tattletale or some sort of “bulk pre-recordings” deal.

#pretty sure i jumped topics multiple times here #oh well #fnaf security breach #the sun and moon show #sun and moon show

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ghitathepanda · 2 years

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If I become a game review youtuber, I'll have to put disclaimers at the start of the video for Sonic games that I like that it will be a positive review.

Sonic Forces would have to be specifically titled to give it away I unironically like the game because I dare sabotage my own youtube game review career. If I make a big enough name for myself, it'll probably because someone on twitter will screenshot the thumbnail and title and Sonic twitter will bully me for being part of the "say the bad game is underrated" and make me an example of "fans like these who eats up mediocrity is why we can never get good Sonic games from Sega ever again".

This kinda makes me think of discourse on all sorts of media and how certain fans of something that has made enough bad products justify clowning on people who don't know better on "why this thing is bad actually", although certain fandom discourses like Marvel and DC Comics usually are on a different level beyond what I want to actually discuss. Like sure, you want that franchise to actually improve and it makes sense that you consider positive opinions on what you consider to be bad to just be bad for the sake of that franchise making a proper improvement because you don't want creators to have wrong assumptions on what people want, but the reality is that some people will have considered all those negative points made but still like it anyway because the good points that are present have enough merit to those people to save it from being as bad as people make it out to be in their opinion. But the internet has made it so easy for cynicism to settle in and allow people to mock others for having any optimism. Again, for understandable reasons, but discouraging people for enjoying something "because it can lead to the franchise not recovering from its dark era" in a mocking way does feel like a bit much.

Sorry for this long ass non-rant because I just have things to say that I've been thinking about for a long while now about the conflict of opinions and how much they matter. Opinions do affect how any given franchise, Sonic in this case, either improve or worsens but some people just have that spirit to be able to find the good in things that can frustrate some depending on how bad you really think it is.

Doesn't change the fact that I find myself with the screwed priority of wanting "good Sonic games" for the sake of being able to enjoy something in peace instead of just thinking "that last game is bad" because I can't help liking those "bad games". I never got to play Sonic 06 btw because I don't have the hardware to play it but I want to play just to test my limits on if I am capable of liking it. The only Sonic game I come close to hating is Shadow the Hedgehog, though that's more to me not being in the mood to get all the endings because some missions can get annoying to do, which proves that I can certainly hate on things if I want but I don't exactly hate that game. I guess it's on the lower end on the "bad scale" and only barely entered the "bad" zone (higher = worse) for that game design choice on how to unlock the true ending.

Also feeling tired of being negative and angry at games and other media these days so that's probably the source of this whole thing

#sonic #sonic the hedgehog #random stuff #random thoughts #rant #not really #sorta #lengthy post

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kickingupdust · 2 years

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Virtual Diary Entry #9

Its been a while. I have been trying to clear my head. Typing all of my thoughts seemed like a good idea, maybe it’d help me organize them, but no… it did not do that.

I broke up with B, he has bad news written all over him even though I really love him. Or, do I?

I have thought a lot about that, about if I have really loved these people I have fallen and tried so hard for. Did I really love them? Or did I just love the approval and validation they gave me?

Its hard to know what real love is when you have never experienced it. Or when you have been experiencing it this whole time and just didn’t know. I have realized that real love sucks. Its extremely taxing and not rewarding. It's an ego game. How good can I feel about myself because I have made others feel better?

Regardless, its only been about two days and I really miss him. I am sure it will subside with time but it does still suck. Its allowed to suck, just not for too long. No need to dwell on someone that only caused me pain. Well, no, let me stop being ungrateful and minimizing and be honest.

He taught me more about myself in 3 months than I’d been able to realize through years and years of soul searching.

He was definitely a lesson.

I have realized I would love anything so long as it paid attention to me. I am just so sick and tired of being invalidated and minimized. I have been shown so little love that I’ll take it in any form it greets me in. Which is not good. Well, maybe to some. Probably to most.

Boundaries are the single most important thing in life. Ok thats an overstatement but they are extremely important, and I am not good at them. I don’t yet know how to be truly nice and kind. I am trying my best to be benevolent, and remembering that benevolence sometimes must border on maleficence because sometimes doing the bad is the only way to achieve the good in the long run.

I have a tendency to not give anything I say any merit. So much so that I just don’t say anything.

Like with this blog, I started it with high hopes of understanding myself better and loving myself better, and organizing my thoughts. And really all it did was give me another reason to hate myself. No one even looks at this, and the simple fact that someone COULD unsettles me to my core. Yet, I still post.

I have this relationship with myself where I know I must experience discomfort and do things that the rational me may think are bad ideas. They normally are bad ideas, but sometimes you have to have a couple bad ideas. I always forget that you have to fail first. And it shocks and rocks me every time. I know that things change. Yet I am still shaken by change, to an unhealthy degree. A mindbending ego shattering degree.

For a while I believe I was just my shadow.

I wasnt even really here, and nobody cared that I wasn’t. Is it their responsibility to care? Would I have noticed were it someone else?

I would like to think that I would have, but theres really no way to be sure.

I just feel really alone. Like I am the only one of my kind, sometimes. Theres so much I do not understand. Things people do for love. Things people do for hate.

I had been in excruciating mental pain up until recently. I am beginning to liberate myself from the standards society (and my parents) have set for me. It is just quite difficult when you still live with your father and he is one of your biggest haters. Virgos have this things where they cannot give constructive criticism, theyre just flat out hate on you or make you uncomfortable because something you did made them uncomfortable. Very entitled and angry people. Just like me.

I have been getting more into Vedic astrology recently vs, western. I find I resonate with the traditional practice a bit more, though there are more facets to it. It's deeper and more complicated but I do not mind a challenge.

I have been setting some arbitrary goals for material items that I want. Nothing else really matters to me. What the fuck am I going to do with achievements? Nobody is going to praise me for what I deserve anyway. They're going to say good job, I bet you could do even better. How about just a good job. I don't need to be any better.

What I do need to be is less bitter. Because I am quite a lot of that.

B made me realize how bitter I am.

I think a large reason why I am so bitter is because of how intelligent I am. I am able to see all of my shortcomings, especially in comparison to others. And I am able to see others shortcomings, and mine in them, and it makes me not want to be around anyone. If something someone is doing or saying doesn’t align with my values I almost instantaneously devalue them in some way. They’ll lose points in empathy or something. Like if someone says something shitty about animals and how they should be treated or something like that, I am immediately inclined to think they don’t have respect for any life form lower than themselves and thus they have some sort of superiority complex, and don’t respect nature. When it is literally not that deep. Some people just do not understand the concept of animals not being objects because they have no experience with them. And I think that is kinda what its like putting myself out into the world. People don’t know how to deal with me because they have never had to deal with something quite like it before. But its like a bad thing. Not totally bad, because sometimes I can be fun or offer up something good. But the bad parts of me instill so much fear in people that it makes me feel like a freak and an outcast. Thats why I cant share my art, my closest friends and loved ones rarely have anything to say about it because it doesnt fit what they have decided I am.

But who cares, right? NO need to do that. B taught me that good. What I think doesn’t matter, and neither does what you think.

Funnily enough, that doesn’t stop me from wanting to be heard. I guess some people really do think the world revolves around them (ahem, me). I am not proud of it but it is important that I realize and accept that I live a very me-centric life, while constantly complaining that I dont get enough this or that. I will probably never be satisfied, and thats something i just need to accept.

It says alot about me, though Im not really sure what. I wont settle and somehow its a bad thing.

That attitude I have is exactly my problem though. I am a walking contradiction. And I have finally stopped thinking there is anything I can do about it. If I am not your cup of tea I am simply not your cup of tea.

I dont like plenty of teas. Like peppermint. It seems like itd be so good but its just horrible. Maybe I thought that because my taste buds were all of out whack due to covid and then the long covid), but theres really no way of knowing. I wish people treated me how I treat peppermint tea. I absolutely hated it, spit it out, and immediately poured it down the sink drain after trying it, but I’d still try it again.

I'm just bad at first impressions.

#rant #infj #heartbreak #deep thoughts #diary #infjproblems #infj thoughts #letting go #journaling #self healing #asd

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superhero--imagines · 3 years

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Part 1 Here! / Part 2 Here! / Part 3 Here! / Part 4 Here! / Part 5 Here! / Part 6 Here! / Part 7 Here! / Part 8 Here! / Part 9 Here! / Part 10 Here!

A/N: I apologize for all the profanity in this part ahead of time. I think I’m going to do M/W/Sat updates, as long as my writing permits, and then maybe Wed/Sat updates. I got the day off because it snowed so I thought I would post this since it’s ready haha

* Well you’re royally f*cked

* There’s a big stupid smile curled on your face, and every time you try to hide it, it just comes back wider

* You really shouldn’t be happy right now

* “What has you in such a good mood?” Edward’s got a matching smile of his own.

* Oh shit. It’s fine, you’ll just play dumb.

* “How do you know I’m happy?” How about the dumb grin you’ve got on your face you stupid b*tch.

* You would have smacked your own forehead if you weren’t aware Edward was watching your every move

* You’re lucky Edward’s nice and he doesn’t call you out on it

* “Whenever you’re happy it kind of radiates off of you,” his voice lowers “you know because of your powers”

* Ah, you didn’t know you did that

* “So what do you think about the new girl?” You blurt it out like it’s an intrusive thought

* F*ck. Just-okay just play it cool. Play it cool.

* F********ckkkkk what’s wrong with you.

* Is being happy making you act like a moron?

* He shrugs

* “Just another human, I kind of wish everyone would shut up about it though. Having to hear people talk about her and think about her is getting annoying. It’s like being in a tunnel with one too many echoes.”

* Ah, so he hasn’t noticed yet.

* “I wonder what she’s thinking about.”

* Edward just shrugs again.

* What the f*ck Edward take a hint!

* “Edward?”

* “Yes dear?” He has the nerve to grin after using that pet name. The criminal is teasing you. Some best friend.

* And still it makes you outrageously happy

* You have to force your smile into a straight line

* “What’s the new girl thinking?”

* He looks over to her, Tyler and Mike are fighting for her attention, both of them a moment away from tugging on each arm and shouting “mine!”

* You see him search, you’ve heard enough about his powers to know right now it’s like mall food court level of chatter for him, but in a few seconds he’ll focus on her and realize he can’t hear her thoughts.

* Knowing how prideful he is though, he’ll probably deny it.

* “I don’t know I can’t read her mind” he says bluntly. “Do you think the school music teacher would teach me how to play violin if I asked?”

* “What?!?”

* “I know it’s kind of inconsiderate to ask but-“ you click your tongue

* “No not that!” You gesture towards Bella “you can’t read her mind?!? Isn’t that kind of a big deal?”

* His eyebrows thread together

* “I can’t read your mind either”

* Yes but you’re from a completely different world, in a body that radiates despair (and apparently joy now). You’re basically like some type of eldritch being from another dimension.

* Edward doesn’t see it that though

* “Honestly it’s a relief, one less mind I have to tune out.” He walks ahead of you as you stay motionless in the middle of the hallway

* What the f*ck is happening?

* “Are you coming? We’re going to be late for Biology if you keep lagging behind like that.”

* How could you forget? The whole story starts because Edward is super into Bella’s blood! He fantasizes killing her for like- the entire class period.

* You were worried for nothing, just because they didn’t have the cafeteria moment isn’t that big of a deal

* The thought makes you both relieved and a little sad

* Still it’s for the best, this is the way things are supposed to be

* And who knows, if you have to leave maybe you can poach Rosalie and Emmett to leave with you

* And maybe Jasper, he won’t like having a human around the house all the time

* “Mr. Cullen, Ms. Eleazar” Mr. Banner hands you each a worksheet.

* Oh right the onion cell worksheet. Ah right the mitosis crap. Well hopefully Mike remembers enough that you both can hobble through

* “New year means new seating arrangement!” He tells you both excitedly. The seating arrangements on the projector.

* “Why am I next to Edward isn’t the seating arrangement supposed to be alphabetical?”

* “I decided to go by grade this time, you should be happy! Aren’t you two...friends?” You can tell your teacher is confused by the nature of your relationship, almost as much as you are.

* “Super happy Teach.” You mumble taking your seat next to Edward who’s grinning like an idiot

* “You can’t say he’s picking favorites when it’s merit based.” He grins and you roll your eyes

* Angela’s sitting next to Ben Cheney, they seem to be discussing the trigonometry homework, and how it’s basically impossible

* Oh right, he’s supposed to be her boyfriend this year.

* Personally you think Angela could do way better. But love is blind, you’ll ship it if you have to.

* And right on cue Mike walks in, Bella following close behind. He takes his seat on the table behind you while Bella talks to Mr. Barnes

* “Why didn’t you guys sit with us at lunch today?” Mike is practically leaned over the entire width of the table.

* Before you can say anything Edward snorts

* “Because (Y/N) was getting lectured for staying out all night again”

* Mike looks like his eyes might pop out of his head

* “W-what? Out all night?! Without inviting me!” You roll your eyes.

* “He’s making it more dramatic, I went out for a run early in the morning because I couldn’t sleep and everyone was freaking out because they thought I got kidnapped.”

* Like any vampire or human stood a chance against you and your violent mood swings

* Mike’s so caught up in lecturing you about how you need to be more careful

* “There’s a lot of weirdos out there!” Yeah you live with them

* That he doesn’t even notice Bella’s taken a seat next to him

* Now that you get a better look at her, she is kinda pretty. She’s the kind of person who probably always looks good in photographs, no matter what the angle. Nice cheekbones and big brown eyes. Modest on boobs and butt, but she’s skinny so it works for her.

* “Hey, you’re Bella right?” You give her your friendliest smile, and you don’t miss the light blush that blooms on her face.

* You’re not sure whether it’s from your beauty or because she’s just not used to so much attention. She just nods.

* “Have you already seen the three whole things there are to do in Town on a Friday night?”

* Bella actually laughs at that. She’s got dimples, and little wrinkles that show up at the corner of her eyes. It’s cute.

* “One of those things is going to the library, so really it’s only two things.”

* She giggles again.

* “Is the other one going over to your house to play monopoly?” Mike asks, a grin arching onto his face

* “No my house is out of town, the other thing is to go to the school football game”

* “I’m not really a big fan of football” Bella hesitantly says, and Mike and Edward laugh

* “Yeah no one here does, everyone goes for the half time show, or just to hang out.”

* You’re pretty sure your entire friend group only goes to the games to see your cheer routine, especially this year since you’re captain now. The first junior captain in a long time apparently. The news actually made the local newspaper.

* Everything is going good, and you’re starting to think maybe you and Bella might be friends.

* “Why don’t we have a board game night at our house again? Last time was-“

* You stop sentence, you were having so much fun you almost forgot why Edward was so obsessed with Bella.

* The slight breeze from the air conditioning brings her scent to you.

* You cover your mouth and nose with your hand

* Her scent is REVOLTING

* “(Y/N), are you okay?” Mike asks

* You vaguely feel Edward’s hand on your shoulder, has he not caught her scent yet?

* It’s pretty hard to miss

* Like gym socks, with a overly sweet base, it’s like-

* Your head snaps up, and your hand clamps over your mouth and nose even harder, but not because the scent is revolting

* She smells like cheese, perfectly aged Gorgonzola cheese, or maybe Brie?

* You smell the sweeter undercurrent stronger now, it’s like warm juicy peaches

* Roasted peach salad tossed with Gorgonzola and olive oil

* How many times have you dreamed about eating that while basking in the warm sunlight

* “I knew you shouldn’t have eaten those leftovers at lunch,” Edward says, but you know it’s performative, thank god he’s still got some sense after smelling her.

* “Mr.Banner, I think (Y/N) ate something bad, is it alright if I help them to the nurses office?”

* “Yes and hurry!” He’s practically shooing you out as Edward pulls you by the arm

* Nooooo, you wanna smell her moreeee

* You have the sense to not wine and keep your mouth covered.

* Edward doesn’t take you to the nurse, you both don’t stop walking until you’re at the parking lot

* “What the hell was that?” He asks, it’s the first time he’s seemed even remotely angry with you

* He seems more confused then angry though, you’re so shocked you actually sit down on the curb.

* And after a moment of hesitance Edward sits beside you, placing his hand over your own

* “She smells good Edward, like really good.”

* Edward laughs

* “Yeah I gathered that” he shakes his head. “I thought you were supposed to be a picky eater”

* “I aaaaamm” you moan, your head is cradled in your left hand. “She’s like one in a million”

* “You’re one in a million” you lift your head to see Edward looking at you with that stupid sh*t eating grin.

* “Really Edward my life is falling apart because I want to eat someone, and you think the appropriate response is to flirt?”

* To be fair, he’s always flirting, it’s basically apart of his personality at this point

* “You’re being melodramatic.” He chuckles and throws an arm over your shoulder. “Worst case scenario you kill her, Carlisle doles out his funeral punishment-don’t ask, and then we have to start over as freshman again somewhere else.”

* You groan, you finally worked your way up to a junior, you were just starting to get used to this crappy town, you don’t wanna start all over again in a new one

* “What’s the best case scenario?”

* Edward thinks hard for a minute.

* “Best case scenario...the music teacher agrees to teach me how to play the violin and I impress you with my magnificent playing.” You smack him on the arm.

* “Not the best case scenario for you!” You know he’s doing it on purpose. He just wants to make you laugh

* It works, you do laugh. How much more absurd could this situation get?

* “Everything’s going to be fine, if Jasper can handle having to smell 300 students he thinks smell good, you can handle 1.”

* He’s got a point

* “Wait-didn’t she smell good to you?” Wasn’t that like, the whole d*mn point?

* His eyebrows thread together and he shrugs

* “Um, she smelled alright, no better or worse than the others. I’m not sure what you smelled-“

* What you smelled? The rich but refreshing flavor profile is sublime

* The f*cking heathen doesn’t even know what he’s missing

* “But to me she smelled like peaches”

* Well he kinda knows what he’s missing

* “She’s definitely anemic though, there’s a sever lack of iron in her scent” ah that must be that cheesy smell you’re getting

* Well ain’t this ironic. The girl who’s going to steal your best friend is only getting noticed because of you.

* “I don’t know, personally I prefer Henrietta the 3rds blood, but that’s just me” he’s lying, your blood is good and all, but it’s definitely still not on par with a humans blood

* He’s just trying to make you feel better.

* He rubs your shoulder, before patting it and moving to stand up.

* “Now come on, we have to make you eat some human food so you can throw up in front of the nurse and she lets us leave school early”

* You roll your eyes, anything to leave school early huh?

* “Yeah all right, lead the way Mr. Tall-Dark-and-Brooding”

* “Why do you always say that? I don’t brood that much anymore!”

* “You know how some people have resting b*tch face? You have resting brood face.”

* “Says the person who literally radiates despair” you shove him as you both walk towards the vending machine

* You take a deep breath as you watch Edward fumble with the vending machine

* The dork literally sticks a credit card up to the glass and demands the machine give him chips.

* (Y/N/N) why isn’t this working? Am I supposed to insert my card through this slot?”

* You laugh. You’re pretty sure he’s not doing this on purpose.

* “You’re supposed to use cash Edward.”

* You watch as he fumbles with his wallet muttering:

* “Do you think it’ll take a twenty dollar bill?”

* You watch in amusement as Edward tries - and fails- to use a twenty dollar bill, and then proceed to use obscure profanities to curse “this vile wretch of human technological advancement”

* You feel a sigh of relief escape you.

* Yeah, everything is going to be fine.

Tags: @moonlights27 @thebluetint @the100thtwilight @awesomebooklover17 @oneofthepotterheads @smileygirl08 @imdoingathingmom @iconicgguk @yrawn @alyciaswhore @little-horror-show @wicked-watering-can @lazydreamers @xxxmuxxx @puritanicalhypocrite

#twilight #twilight saga #twilight imagine #twilight headcanon #twilight reader insert #edward cullen imagine #edward cullen x reader #edward cullen #emmett cullen x rosalie hale #carlisle cullen #jessica stanley #angela weber #jessica stanley x reader #bella swan #bella swan x reader #superhero--imagines

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bibliocratic · 3 years

Text

meditations jon/martin post-199, pre-200, no finale spoilers

Jon is curled inwards, away from the brickwork of the tunnel walls that degrades into densely packed earth, his body bowed and legs brought up closer to his chest like a slovenly question mark. Martin forms a distorted reflection of him, carnivalesque in the extent of their differences.

Their air mingles in the chrysalis they’ve made with the other. The spectre of cigarette smoke, a dash of unlabelled alcohol. The plastic-lined material of the sleeping bag amplifies the timbre of their speech with the acoustic quality of a confessional, their conversations meandering and earnest and a last-ditch unburdening of the soul, bookended by long, dwarfing silences that resonate with as much meaning. Touch is offered, given, laboured over with more care and thought like the final brush strokes of a painting the artist cannot bear to finish. Intentionally pained in their gentleness.

(“I read your poetry, you know.”

“What? When?”

“Way back. After you found Gertrude. You must have thrown them in the bin, while you were staying in Archive storage.”

“This was when you were…?”

“Yes.”

“Right. Makes sense. Did you… er, did you like them?”

“Not all of them. Too much Keats.”

“Oh come off your high horse, mister…”

“Buut. I was intrigued.”

“I’m so pleased to hear I was intriguing. Go on then. Which ones did you like then, if you can bear to tell me.”

“There was one…um, what was it. I’m sure it had a line about windows, yeah, ‘windows shimmering like trapped oil’.”

“God, that’s the one you liked? That one was terrible, Jon, they all were, that’s why they were in the bin!”

“I thought it had merit.”

“Well, if you thought it had merit…. Wish you’d read some of the actual good stuff. I had a few that I was pretty proud of. They weren’t perfect or anything, but not everything has to be.”

“No. No, you’re right.”)

Martin has his hand over Jon’s chest. Splayed out over his heart, strangely solemn. His forehead is warm against Jon’s, and the proximity rubs all the lines of him blurry. Jon is trailing the pad of his thumb down the back of Martin’s fingers, plotting knuckle to fingertip, and when he stops, the sensation lingers like a mirage.

(“When I was in the Lonely. When Peter did his… did his thing. I didn’t think of you. What losing me would do, how you would feel, how you might mourn like – like I’d had to. I could have, if I’d tried to, but I didn’t want to. Maybe I thought it was easier that way. The last tangible thought I remember having was that it didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would.”

“I killed him. Peter Lukas.”

“I know.”

“I’m not sorry. I won’t ever be.”

“I know.”)

Time does not adhere to passage for all the future is borne closer to the shoreline of the present. Jon’s fingers continue their knitted-brow memorisation, trace at the puckered and unsightly barbed-wire drag of scarring a centimetre above Martin’s Adam’s apple. Martin kisses him, infrequently, unpredictable, compelled by thoughts Jon is not witness to, and his lips give their attention to clear and damaged skin alike.

It is like the gradual break-up of once insurmountable ice floe. Jagged chunks of conversation, mismatched, unmoored to the open spread of the sea.

(“I never – I never really wanted you dead, you know. Chopped up into little pieces. I just… it’s not an excuse, but you were… your presence was a testament to all the ways I wasn’t doing my job properly, that I wasn’t enough, and I resented that. So, I resented you instead, and I shouldn’t have.”)

(“I was so angry after you told me about the whole Eric Delano, leaving-the-institute, thing. I was angry that you wouldn’t just trust me, that you wouldn’t leave me alone, that you wouldn’t let me fade away. That all of a sudden you wanted me in your life when everything I was doing was to make sure you’d get to keep living it.”)

(“I would have done it. If you’d said yes. I couldn’t do it on my own. I didn’t know what it might do to me. Scared, I suppose. Still am.”)

(“I don’t want to die. I did, for… for a long time. But not now. I don’t want this to be it. All the time we get, all the life we got to live together.”)

Sounds of life from the other tunnels, the susurrus of moving and muted chatter, the preparations for a last stand.

Jon speaks his final piece against the skin of Martin’s collarbone, Martin against Jon’s cheek.

They kiss. Once. Neither of them say that it might be the last, but they both think it.

#tma #the magnus archives #no spoilers for 200 #tma 199 #also known as this finale is hitting me harder than expected #jonmartin #discussion of suicidal ideation

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brekkerism · 4 years

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BASIC INSTINCT (Part 1 - A Spencer Reid Series)

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Summary: (Y/N) has recently joined the bau through non conventional and rather privileged means. Couple that with a dark and troubled past, all she really wants is a fresh start. What she didn’t predict getting in her way of that, was one Special Agent Dr Spencer Reid. She thinks it’s hopeless and he’ll hate her forever. That is, until she sees Dr Reid on a rather...unusual place.

A/n: I kinda can’t believe this is my first Spencer Reid/Criminal minds fic. I’ve been obsessed for so long but I never got the courage to post anything. Well, we’ll see how this one goes. I really do hope all of you enjoy this, since I’m planning to make it multi chapters and I’m too in love to abandon it! Forgive me for not giving y’all the smut right away but good things come to those who are patient! And also huge thanks to @imagining-in-the-margins for being such a wonderful human and helping me beta this first one. Shout out to all the lovely people in the discord for encouraging me enough to write this. And also for my sweet liv, bc if she didn’t like this I would def not have posted.

Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader

Word count: 2320

Rating: R-no actual hard smut. For now.

Content warning: 12+ years age gap, description of bdsm scenes and play, swear words, brief fingering

*********

Since the first day I stepped in the bau, I knew Dr.Spencer Reid would not like me one bit.

Call it a gut feeling, a hunch, or maybe my justified pessimism.

I knew the moment my dad told me, fresh out of the academy and not even slightly experienced at 24 years old, that I ‘mysteriously’ got a generous offer for a job with one of the best teams the FBI had to offer, that I wasn’t going to be liked by a lot of people. Because it wasn’t a mystery how I got the position. It was actually really plain and simple, and could be boiled down to one word:

Nepotism

I didn’t ask for it; I didn’t want it (no matter how much I actually wanted the position, but by my earning it on my own merits), but I completely understood something like this was likely to happen. I knew it the moment I moved back home and decided that the only thing worthwhile I really wanted to do was join the FBI. My dad was a good guy who was just trying to help me, his intentions were just a little misguided. It happens.

What doesn’t ‘just’ happen is that my dad is the deputy director of the FBI. His helping me was ‘making calls’ and ‘pulling strings’, which instantly gives my peers every reason to doubt every achievement I have.

But I was completely ready for it.

What I wasn’t ready for is for everyone on the team to be normal and so welcoming to me, like I was any other agent. It was everything I wanted.

Well, everyone did that except him. I couldn’t figure it out why, but from the first minute he turned those eyes towards me, looking me up and down but never quite reaching my eyes, I could feel the scrutiny under the stare. Almost like he was saying “Really? This is it?”.

But with a blink it was gone, and he turned away from me and put his attention to the book in his hand so fast I almost thought I imagined the whole thing.

But I knew, I knew I saw it. And I knew that even if I didn’t want it, my body and brain would spend days trying to make him acknowledge me again, to look me up and down again, to try and prove to him what I’ve been trying to prove to everyone:

I deserved to be there. I could earn it by myself. I just need the chance to do it.

And so, my journey to try to not only be useful but a valuable agent, someone he would have to notice began.

And it was shit.

Everyone was so willing not only to teach me, but to listen to my input.

Luke always had my back, both of us being the newbies in the team. JJ and Tara were always open to listening to theories, doubts and rambling, besides being totally badass inspirations. Penelope always had a eager and friendly attitude that could comfort me immediately, and she welcomed me with open arms. Emily and Rossi were patient, while also pushing me to be so much better, and being the best mentors they could be.

None of them even seemed to have even a passing thought of giving me special treatment or harsher judgment. It was almost perfect.

If it wasn’t for Special Fucking Agent Doctor Reid. He wouldn’t even be an asshole towards me, oh no, It was much, much worse. He ignored me.

He was almost happy to pretend I didn’t even exist. Of course there were situations that he couldn’t avoid socializing, as minimal as it was, but it was like he was talking to a wall. He looked at me like he was surprised that I was even there. He wouldn’t acknowledge me unless he was made to. He wouldn’t even correct me when I was wrong. At this point I was sure that I could be screaming bloody murder at him and he wouldn’t take his eyes off whatever he was doing.

It was the most frustrating and irritating thing that has ever happened to me. It made my blood boil over. It made me cry with sorrow.

And I couldn’t even figure out why. I didn’t know what it was that made me crazy because Spencer Reid wouldn’t look my way.

So I did what every angry and frustrated normal young adult does.

I went to a sex dungeon to drink my mixed feelings away and watch BDSM scenes. Duh.

Even though I wasn’t going there to play, and I thought I would never be able to play again, it was still a safe place for me. A place where I could see people that once knew the real me and provided a place free of any judgement. People who didn’t know who I was outside of those walls, who thought of me as just another person in that safe and different little world.

It also helped that watching, as much as it wasn’t my preference before, was the only thing that could properly get me off these days. And after everything, I thought I still deserved the ability to enjoy some parts of it.

And so, after saying my goodbyes to Pen, JJ amd Emily, and finding flimsy excuses not to join them at the bar for Friday drinks, I hopped the elevator, wondering how long would it take me to get properly dressed and drive across town, and if I was going to be able to call more of my old friends.

But all my happy thoughts of getting to immerse myself on a world I still loved were immediately clouded when a hand stopped the elevator and went in with me. His hand.

Great, just the perfect ending to an shitty day. A awkward elevator ride with Spencer Reid. And as always, he didn’t bother to acknowledge me, even though it was just the two of us riding down.

I was trying so hard to be in a good mood; to ignore the shitty end to a shittier case and go somewhere where I could try to be happy. But I just had to be met with his silence, his awkwardness, his existence in general. I didn’t want to feel like that today. So before I could stop myself, I did something stupid

“So, what are your plans for the weekend, Doctor?”

Stupid. Stupid, stupid. Like he would voluntarily participate in small talk with me, something he already didn’t like, with someone he didn’t even bother to not like.

“I think I’m going to go to a party with a friend today.”

Now that took me by surprise. No short replies? No one syllable answers? He actually told me something out of his own free will? He engaged in small talk?!

“O-oh? I didn’t know you were one for partying... like, at all. Which friend are you going with? Do I know him?”

Talk to me. Keep engaging in small talk, please.

“You don’t really know me well enough to judge if I am one for partying or not, now, do you? And you definitely wouldn’t know her. I don’t only hang out with people on our team, contrary to popular belief.”

Well that was extremely uncalled for. And rude. I thought that it was the first time he ever referred to me as part of the team, but that was an small detail to analyze later.

“No need to be defensive or rude, I was just asking.”

“Well, don’t.”

He was back to having that stupid blank expression on his face, back to not dignifying me with a proper answer, and that just wouldn’t do, would it?

I had a response. I had an excellent, spectacular comeback to use, but before I could actually defend myself in any way, the elevator dinged open. He couldn’t get out fast enough.

It was infuriating. So I did the only reasonable thing:

I followed him to his car to give him a piece of my mind.

Because of those immensely long legs, he almost got there quick enough to drive away and avoid me, but I would not let my stubby short legs get in the way.

I got my hand in before he could close his door, much like he did with the elevator. He still refused to look up at me but, the cheer disbelief and confusion on his face was enough of a response. Can’t ignore me now, asshole.

“You know, the only reason I don’t know anything about you, is because you pretend like I don’t exist. So don’t be needlessly rude to me. It’s better to keep not saying anything at all.”

And there it was. It was just tip of the iceberg, but at least I acknowledged it. I could actually feel a smirk forming on my face.

“Remove your hand please.”

And he finally looked up at me. All the disbelief and annoyance on his face were gone, replaced by that utterly bored and blank stare.

I actually wanted to scream. How was this the same guy that couldn’t stop talking and rambling enthusiastically about any and everything to anyone, the same person who had a perfect smile and warmth on his eyes for everyone else. How.

It was too frustrating. So I stepped back, removing my hand from his car door and walking towards my own car. It was better to just let it end already so I can wallow in my humiliation over this failed attempt at confrontation.

It almost put me in a bad enough mood that I didn’t want to go to the ‘club,’ but I had already promised Amara, who was not only one of my best friends but also happened to be dating that particular BDSM dungeon’s Mistress. There was no getting out even if I wanted to.

And I didn’t really want to.

****

A hour and dress change later, I was ready to go. This was absolutely nothing like the old outfits I used to wear for this events, but then again, I wasn’t the same girl. Not entirely.

So I opted for a silky black dress with a cowl neck and the best heels I had. It was sexy enough for a night of normal clubbing, but rather tame for a night at a dungeon. It was exactly what I wanted. It was less likely in that type of dungeon for anybody to approach or proposition me if I didn’t look experienced and in my element.

Even if I secretly was.

So I got ready, took my time to properly breathe, and left everything that wasn’t this night or positive thoughts behind the locked door of the apartment. I could come back to them later.

Right now, I was going to be happy and have fun.

*****

I was not having fun anymore. It was unfortunate, and I felt like somehow that this had to be the bad mood I was in from a particular encounter earlier. I just couldn’t find anything that excited me the way I wanted it to. I had made the rounds with Amara, and she had showed me all of the new rooms and new toys before every space got occupied with busy couples and groups.

It was beyond fun exploring before the spaces were being actually used, and imagining what each person would get out of those rooms. It was a pleasant and happy feeling.

But soon enough the dungeon got filled with more and more people, and each room was occupied and used. Most were open for all that wanted to watch, but each scene I passed failed to get my attention. It was especially more daunting and lonely when Amara left to put on a show with her girlfriend in the main room.

And as pretty and wonderful as they looked, I just didn’t feel like watching a couple as in love as Amara and Celeste performing tonight. It was just... a little too much for me. After everything, most loving was.

No, what I was looking for was not that. I was looking for the thing I used to crave. The thing that used to keep me going at all times of the day.

I was looking for fucking. Not couples making love, not couples having sex, not pet play, not elaborate scenes or people using toys so strange and complicated I couldn’t make out what was what.

I was looking for someone completely fucking dominating their partner.

It shouldn’t be impossible to find. Not on a Friday night, and not in a club this good.

And I did. I finally found it.

The dom had his back to the audience and the door with the little window I was watching through. He was turned toward his sub standing on the side while she spread her legs on the bed, her hands tied up to the headboard, showing her pussy to the audience along the wall. It was the perfect scene for me. In fact, too perfect.

She even looked a little like me, in fact. Same build, similar hair. It got me even more excited to watch this through. I took a deep breath and finally opened the door. Stepping in, I leaned against the door, having a direct view to the bed.

And god did I want to watch.

The dom still had his back to us,but I wasn’t watching him. Rather, I watched the girl’s cunt and how he was fingering it, not saying anything for her or us yet.

He has really nice hands.

Really, really nice. In fact I don’t think I’ve seen such nice hands since –

Not the time!

The girls face looked rather blissful, and I imagined three of those pretty and long fingers should be doing just the trick for her.

But then she did something that displeased him.

She moaned. Loudly.

The sound was immediately followed by a sharp slap in her face.

Fuck, that made me wet.

But before I could even entertain the idea of getting my hands inside my panties, the dom spoke.

He spoke in a voice I almost never heard directed towards me, but could pick out in any crowd.

He spoke in the voice of the man that made me so mad I almost didn’t come to the club in the first place.

“Are my fingers inside you too much? Cause I’ll fucking stop if you can’t obey and stay quiet.”

And I froze. I froze and panicked and had to stop myself from screaming by bringing a hand up to my mouth.

Because that was Spencer Reid, in a BDSM dungeon, dominating a girl right in front of me.

Taglist: @imagining-in-the-margins @spencer-reid-in-a-pool @gretaamyk @prettyricky187 @sunlight-moonrise @fanficlibrary82 @blazinvixen @samanddeanstolethetardis221b @httpnxtt @reidetic @hyper-fxation @blushingspencer @reidlusts @wishingwellwriting @redbullchick

I feel like I missed a lot of peeps but please know I’m still thankful ma loves

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elkian · 2 years

Text

Here’s my breakdown of Iron Widow!

Recommended: Hell yeah!

tl, dr: If you want to see a queer disabled girl going absolutely feral, unapologetically, for 400 pages, against the patriarchy - while abetted by the boys who love her AND each other - this is the book for you. Bear in mind that this is a YA book that apparently had a pagelimit to deal with and is the author’s first book (so there are some pacing and polishing issues here and there) and you should be find.

I’ve seen some decent (and not-so-decent) critiques of the book, and it’s just not going to be everyone’s cup of tea, but ultimately I thought it was really compelling and a joy to read.

Pros:

Main character is an unapologetically angry, violent young woman (some people have read her as nonbinary and I think there’s merit to that!)

Typically, in a book like this, you’d get to a point where her rough edges were sanded off and her anger mellowed a bit, right? I kept seeing those coming up and wondering if it would happen. The answer is “no”. Because much of her fury is responsive to the society she lives in, and until that society experiences a major shift, she will continue to be angry and continue to rail against it.

Look I haven’t read anything in a while that had such an outright violent female protagonist without some kind of mitigating factor and I just think it’s neat.

Really interesting setting, Chinese historical fantasy meets futuristic sci-fi. The rules of the worldbuilding were a little fast and loose, which I think is better given the amount of time allotted for the worldbuilding, overall.

The main triad are a delight, none of them quite existing in the expected ways. Li Shimin is still quick to violence, where others might have made him a sad pacifist (no complaints here: I love both options, but the first is unusual at this juncture). Nor does the text shie away from Yizhi being more ruthless and cunning than his soft uwu prettyboy act implies, while still being an excellent friend and supporter, then partner, to Zetian and then Shimin. Zetian, as mentioned, has a ton of rage, and despite society demanding she stop venting it, she absolutely refuses.

The polycule is a delight, the boys hooking up (and encouraging Zetian to love the other) made textual rather than subtextual, which I think was a good call. All of them enable each other in a way that wouldn’t, obviously, be healthy irl, but is fascinating and delightful to watch. Shimin and Yizhi temper Zetian’s choices without inhibiting her, and support her more often than not - and when they work in concert, it’s magnificent.

The action is good, swift enough to not be boring but paced out well enough that we can figure out the important parts. The Chrysalises are enormous war machines and the text repeatedly emphasizes that. I would LOVE to see a feature film of this.

The way Zetian is handled by society is a very important, but subtextual, detail. Almost everyone deals around her, as if she is a nonsapient problem rather than a person making choices. One of the exceptions to this is an exception from the moment she ‘proves’ herself to him, to the moment of his demise (spoilers) - while he does not accurately gauge her threat, he acknowledges her as a threat - as someone making the choices to do things rather than a disaster epicenter. This echoes the way women are treated in this society extremely well.

I actually love the ostentatious visuals we’re given, the very “anime” vibes (as the author gleefully puts it xD) from things like transforming mecha, reactive armor, glowing eyes, qi blasts, and more. It feels like the author had a blast writing it, so I had a blast reading it.

While touching on topics like sexual assault, the book never shows those acts directly on-screen, only people’s reactions to them (in one flashback) or the general concept, which I think is a good call.

Doesn't shy away from the horrors of foot-binding practices and the fact that (something even I failed to recognize before this book) those suffering such procedures would have impaired mobility and be disabled for the rest of their lives. In fact, past a certain point in the book, Zetian uses a wheelchair and other mobility aids available where she had only a cane before. I like that this isn’t treated as a weakness or failure on her part, but a regrettable and understandable consequence of the damage she’s been dealt. The wheelchair doesn’t trap her, it helps her.

Also doesn’t shy away from the fact that minorities (in this case, women) can be the tools of their own oppression: Zetian’s grandmother enacted the foot-binding, while her mother constantly pressured her to be the best THING she could be, to be quiet and appease.

While it’s easy to miss, Zetian gains a more nuanced understanding of intergender politics and interactions by the end of the book: that women (even the ones initially good to her) don’t always have her best interests at heart, and men (even the ones presented as dangerous and powerful) aren’t always out to hurt her, or other women. Li Shimin gets a subplot that could be described as “not all men”, but he has enough understanding of the horrors of power imbalances to know that just saying that is no good: instead he reinforces the idea through his actions, including dressing-down another man who suggests he fuck Zetian as if it’s a checkbox on his to-do list.

Cons:

Pacing.

Pacing is by far the biggest issue in this book. Author Xiran Jay Zhao mentioned cutting a few scenes to stay within a strict page limit, so I think that’s probably a factor. The prologue, while necessary for worldbuilding, drags a bit, and the pace doesn’t really ramp up to its best until at least three or four chapters past that. Certain revelations or ideas hit sooner than really feels organic, though they tend to match the fast pace of the rest of the book enough that it’s easy to miss.

The ending in particular feels much too fast, the final revelation coming almost completely out of left field (I don’t mean a lack of foreshadowing so much as a lack of direct textual buildup - it feels like we skipped ahead 5 hours without being notified).

Two things worth remembering:

1) This is the author’s first book; not that first books can’t be good, but that few really hit the writing stride we’ll hopefully see by two or three more books in. There’s some minor unpolished and awkward bits that stand out beyond the rest of the Cons section that I don’t think we would have seen from someone with more literary publishing experience.

2) This is a YA novel, which means it has to adhere to certain standards and be accessible to younger readers. YA is not inherently inferior to adult lit, but it is held to different standards that can affect how it’s presented.

There’s a lot of overt textual commentary on things that could, in theory, be handled as subtext. I’m loathe to rate this an outright Con, however, because I feel a lot of it was intentional, partly in order to prevent people from skipping over the intended meaning where they might have otherwise.

Unfortunately, historically strongly-feminist media and overtly textual media aren’t a great mix - there’s a lot of hamhanded mass media works, or enthusiastic but unpolished personal works, that can cause one to have the instinctive urge to recoil from the concept. Even I had that feeling here and there. I believe it’s worth powering through, but I understand why some people wouldn’t agree with me.

A lack of build up for other characters and more worldbuilding details. World-wise, we’ve got the basic gist of the province, 1 or 2 detailed areas, and then some vague middling bits on a few more areas. Chang’an, for instance, could have enjoyed even more detailing, really highlighting the way Zetian’s life has changed.

Character-wise, I would have liked to see more on the other pilots in particular, because this would have granted more context to Zetian and Li Shimin’s situation, made it easier to tell what was different from the norm. Someone else pointed out that this is partly due to the singular 1st-person PoV (past the prologue), as we can only see things through Zetian’s eyes. While I don’t think that PoV was a mistake, I do see how that could cut into more of the detail

In conclusion, I feel it’s a worth read and really enjoyable, but some people (as with all things) are going to be turned off pretty early on, and that’s okay.

#elk text #3rd #March #2022 #March 3rd 2022 #read this book #get it at the library if you're not sure you'll like it!#let yourself enjoy things and I think you'll be fine #iron widow #iron widow (book)#elk reads iron widow #i almost want to say it reads like fanfic in that it reads as something created out of sheer love for the setting and characters

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wtnrscap · 3 years

Text

It never stops

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: A lead in the ruins of Sokovia brings a face from the past back.

Ask:

Warnings: Set post-Endgame, swearing, a lil angst.

A/N: I have a bad feeling I’ve butchered your ask @badasseddy but I hope you still like it. Feel free to complain if you hate it. Currently writing a request a day, so I will get to everyone’s.

I cannot for the life of me remember who made this divider, so if it’s yours or you know who’s it is, please tell me so I can credit them.

81 years had passed since Bucky had last gone dancing, and he felt as though his eardrums were going to burst. Adrenaline shot through his veins, the alcohol having no affects. Sam nodded his head with the beat and Bucky groaned. Is this really what music passed for nowadays?

It took several punches to the arm for Bucky to realize that Sam was trying to get his attention, and he whipped his head around so fast they almost knocked each other out. Sam yelled and smacked Bucky’s metal arm, before screaming in pain.

‘Serves his right for dragging me to this hell’, thought Bucky. He watched as Sam pulled out a photograph and waved it in front of his face, “We’re looking for this girl. She’s undercover. Locate her and contact me on coms.”

Bucky yanked the photo out of the air and stared at, memorizing the girl’s face. He vaguely remembered her, but he didn’t know why. Her Y/H/C hair was tied in a lose ponytail, with striking Y/E/C eyes and a distinctive smile. Her arms were wrapped out Sam’s shoulder, while Steve’s arm rest on her shoulder. Bucky tried to ignore the youth of his friend and chose to focus on the fact that the girl was pretty. The natural kind of pretty that all the girls wanted but compensated with layers of makeup. Bucky tucked the photo into his jacket with slight reluctance. It was the type of photo where he would have cut the girl out and tucked it into his army uniform, reminding himself what he was fighting for.

The pair separated, Sam heading towards the dancefloor and Bucky the bar. A beacon of escape, Bucky decided. Sam had said no drinking on the job, but fuck Sam, if he wanted to drink, then he would. Bucky was immune to the addictive buzz anyway.

The bar was empty aside from a man in a suit at the end, but he seemed a little distracted, a girl on his lap, giggling at something that probably wasn’t very funny. The girls in this club knew how to make their living. Bottles were stacked almost floor high, dirty looking glasses and a few dripping taps. A girl stood at the end, scrubbing a smeared flute with a grubby cloth. Bucky tapped his fingers and she sauntered over, “What can I get ya, pal? Looking a bit lost there…”

“Well, I don’t really fit in. You see a lot of faces here?”

“As a bartender? More than I care to count. Need help with something?”

Bucky pulled the photo out, folded out Sam and Steve, and slid it across the wet bar, “I’m looking for this girl. Have you seen her?”

The girl lifted it up gingerly, letting it drip. As she analyzed it, Bucky gave himself a chance to look at her, weighing her up. Her hair was black with green highlights, ending on her shoulders. Her eyes were the same as the girl’s in the photo but the smile, it wasn’t the same. This wasn’t who they were looking for.

The girl slid the photo back, “She’s pretty, but I’ve never seen her. I think I’d remember her if I did.”

Bucky tucked the photo back into his jacket. The girl straightened up, a crease forming across her brow, “Are you sure you don’t want anything? A dry martini?” the girl looked up at him almost expectantly, but Bucky shook his head, “I’m good. I’ll probably be here till closing time, so if you see her, pull me over.”

“We can sink no lower…” mumbled Bucky, the toilet creaking dangerously below him. Sam hushed him quickly, “The girl is here. We have to stay ’till we find her.”

“And that means hiding in the toilets?” snapped Bucky, meriting another hush from Sam. Bucky frowned, “Hey, this is your fault! This was your idea! She never turned up, we could have come back another day, but no, we’re here, hiding in this hell hole.”

A thump from outside silenced him. Carefully, Sam left his cubicle, closely followed by Bucky, and propped open the door, enough for them to see and hear what was happening.

“Club’s closed boys. You need to leave…” the voice of the bartender echoed around the room. Several guffaws responded, “We weren’t satisfied with our service.”

“Not my problem. I run the bar, not the brothel.”

“I don’t think Batroc will be very happy with that. He employs you, does he not?”

“Yes…” the bartender’s voice trailed off nervously, “What are you going to do to me?”

“Show you what we do to unwilling workers. Grab her and strap to the table… That one, in the corner…”

Without hesitation, Bucky grabbed onto Sam’s arm, mouthing, “I can’t listen to this. We have to help her!”

Sam’s hand flew over Bucky’s mouth, “We’re not here for her… Stay put!”

Bucky pushed against Sam, trying to free himself from the Falcon’s grip, but Sam held him fast. A brief squabble broke out, Bucky and Sam fighting against each other, until Bucky used his metal hand to break free, rushing through the door to shocking sight.

The bartender wiped her lip, staring down at three men, “Touch me again, and I will fucking kill you.”

“Fuck…” thought Bucky, ‘I should not be this turned on…’

“Hey, pretty boy? Pretty boy? Pay attention to me!” the bartender’s voice snapped Bucky out of his daydream, “Meet me in the alley in 5 minutes. Bring Sam.”

The dingy alley smelt of piss and sick, but the bartender seemed unperturbed, flinging her arms around Sam’s neck, “Oh, I’ve missed you Birdie!”

“I’ve missed you too! We’ve been looking for you all night! Where have you been?”

“At the bar! Your friend approached me, I thought he would recognize me, but no, and when I said the words, he didn’t reply with the code!” the bartender shot Bucky an angry glance. Bucky snapped, “What words? I wasn’t told of any words. And why would I recognize you? I’ve never met you in my life! This is so stupid!”

The bartender huffed and pulled on her hair until it come off in her hand, revealing Y/H/C underneath. The black hair was a wig. Next, she pulled out the photo from Sam’s pocket and pulled up to her face and copied the smile. Bucky saw the resemble immediately, “It’s you…”

“My name’s Agent Y/N L/N, I’m undercover here. You probably don’t remember me, we didn’t really meet, but I helped Steve and Sam disappear in 2016. I saw you from a distance, but you were kinda wiped out, no metal arm and longer hair. As for the words, I was told to offer you a dry martini, and you should’ve responded with ‘I don’t like my martini’s dry’.”

“I hate martini’s altogether! And I gave you a photo of yourself!”

“I’ve had 4 people give me a photo of myself today alone! The people after you are on your case!” Y/N’s chest heaved with anger and frustration, “Baltroc will be in the old Sokovian church tomorrow at midday. He’s made several attempts to take over the Sokovian people after the country fell with Ultron. We’ve tried to enlist the help of Wanda Maximoff, but we’ve had no response.”

“She’s gone MIA… No one knows where she is…” responded Sam slowly, “If what you say is true, not that I am doubting you, then we need to get moving now. You are relieved of your duty. Where will you head?”

“To New York. I’ll go to the compound.”

“Well, I’m looking forward to seeing you there…” Sam pulled Y/N into a tight hug before turning to Bucky, “We leave in 10.”

Bucky nodded his head and looked down at Y/N, “I’m sorry I didn’t recognize you.”

“Not your fault. I’m sorry I lost my temper.”

“Not your fault…” Bucky shifted awkwardly. Y/N smiled slightly, “Do you miss him?”

Bucky’s eyes widened almost comically. He hadn’t expected that from her, the mention of Steve. He noticed the way her shoulders slumped at the question, her eyes losing their sparkle slightly. He wondered how the snap had affected her, and, for the first time, wondered what an Agent like her was doing here, in the burned ruins of Sokoiva. He tried to match her smile, “Everyday… It’s hard… I know that he is still alive, but the whole world believes him dead, and I don’t actually see him very often now, so sometimes, it’s like he’s dead to me too. It just never stops, this life. It’s fast and hard.”

“I understand…” Y/N nodded her head, and Bucky spied a tear, and felt a pang in his heart, “Did… Did you love him?”

“Oh God no!” gasped Y/N with a chuckle, “Me and Steve were more like siblings or best friends. He helped me and I helped him… I wasn’t snapped away, so spent the last 5 years with him. I trained with Natasha, and when Scott came back, Steve sent me away. To protect me, he said. I don’t doubt him, but I wonder, if I stayed, would’ve I been able to stop him from leaving?”

“No. He had his mind set on it…”

“Why’d you ask if I love him?”

Bucky cheeks reddened, “Well, after I messed this up so bad, I wondered if once I got back to New York, you’d like to go for drinks… or not?”

“Sargent Barnes, are you asking me on a date?”

Bucky shivered at the use of the title, but tried to cover it, “Would you be opposed to the idea?”

“No…”

Bucky smiled at her as Sam yelled at him to hurry up. There was another moment of awkwardness before Bucky turned on his heel. Y/N stood still for few seconds before gasping, “Bucky! Wait!”

“What?”

It was Y/N’s turn to blush as she pecked a kiss on his cheek, “Be safe. Baltroc has a rep for maximum of casualties.”

“I promise, doll…” Bucky smiled at took her hand in his, “Never thought the night would end like this. And now, I must really go.”

Sam frowned as they stepped onto the Quinjet, “How do you do it, man? 5 minutes ago, you barely knew the girl, and now you’re going on a date with her?”

“It’s called charm, Birdbrain, you should try it some time.”

“I have charm! And a wingman.”

“Redwing does not count.”

Sam huffed and sat down in a seat, “He so does. Besides, when she realizes you have a cyber-brain, she’ll be gone.”

“Nah, I’ll just charm her again.”

“Not with that grouchy face. If the wind changes, your face will be stuck like that.”

“I hate you…” muttered Bucky. Sam burst out laughing, nudging Bucky’s shoulder, and the man let out a small snort, smiling gently.

It might never stop, but Bucky couldn’t deny, when it did, it was nice. Steve was gone, but he had Sam and now, Y/N too. Yeah... All was good.

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