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cl0udpup · 1 year

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Autism and developmental delays

I asked a question on Autistic Twitter yesterday, and got a ton of response. I will share my post and some responses here.

The post

Is it possible to be autistic if you didn’t have learning, speaking, or movement delays as a child?

The responses

“It is possible. Processing differences leaning towards monotropism is a core component though that type of processing doesn’t always show up as delays. Most Autistics I know do have “spiky profiles” where we have some major strengths but some foundational skills are low.

I was a late reader but had a hyperlexic vocabulary. I was in reading and math special ed. I didn’t read at all. Then one night my mom was in the middle of reading a book to me and lost her voice. I picked it up and just started reading. 0-60.”

“Definitely! I didn't have those problems & whilst I wasn't diagnosed until 55, in hindsight it was obvious from early childhood. The DSM diagnostic criteria badly need updating & too many alleged professionals still rely on stereotypes like "All Autistics have X & can't do Y".”

“The ways I am "advanced" showed up earlier than the ways I am "behind" average development. Probably in part because the "bad effects" of autism are cumulative little abuses, so I had less to battle against just to exist back then.

It seems like a lot of autistics become aware of it/first start feeling a major increase in disconnect when other kids start growing out of 'kid' behaviors and start looking at the autistics weird for just...continuing on the same path that had been fine before.”

“You can be hyperlexic or dyslexic, have a good command of words+expression, but the difference (from my understanding) is: lack of sense-perception filtering, monotropism and social codes. Anything else stems from these in variations and intensities add personality.”

“Delays are more commonly signs of intellectual disability which is often comorbid, but you don't "need" them to be autistic.”

“I don't think of delayed vs nondelayed development as a central or essential part of how DSM5 approaches autism. Language and communication differences include pragmatics which often flies under the clinical radar.”

“Yes, I had no apparent delays as a child. I spoke early, am hyperlexic so my reading ability was beyond my classmates, academically I was quick. I did struggle with pretend play but no one noticed. My eye contact was poor and I was just seen as shy.

I struggled more in secondary. I took things literally and was rigid about schedules. Most of my issues came out as an adult. I struggled with transition to work, didn't get work place banter. I developed really bad OCD and I burntout at 24. I was diagnosed at 25. A psychiatrist noticed I was autistic.”

My personal context

I was talking and reading early; books at age four, and conversing at 18 months. No issues with crawling, walking, waving hello when I was supposed to. I did toe-walk, but that’s all I remember being pointed out.

Once I got to preschool and kindergarten, I was extremely shy, anxious, but wasn’t marked as having special needs. I was smart, but bored by school.

As I got older, I liked other kids, liked making friends, extremely nice, empathetic, didn’t easily clock bullying. I still struggle w that as I take things at face value, don’t notice if someone’s being mean with sarcasm, passive aggressiveness, or having an ulterior motive.

Even though I liked other kids, I always felt like there was this wall I couldn’t get past. I felt like an outsider, like more like an observer in groups than part of it.

Older people and adults called me mature for my age, or said I seemed depressed, or teased me for being sensitive. I think I was detached, ending up compartmentalizing the “real me” and the one who had to be strong.

I had violent meltdowns as long as I can remember. It felt like everything was spinning, and I was alone, overstimulated, like everything I kept hidden would come to a boiling point and I just burst at the seams. It felt like nothing would ever be okay again.

I’d get punished for these meltdowns (and hit as a toddler.) I eventually started turning my outward chaotic energy inward; SH, dissociation, withdrawing. This made me even “weirder”, but as a teen I guess I tried to embrace it.

I was extremely rebellious, always in trouble, picked on, did not understand authority, could not stand being patronized, felt like an alien, did not understand why I had such huge emotions, or what they meant, or how to reckon w them. And no one would put up w them.

I started using drugs and alcohol at age 13. I barely made it through high school. I planned on dropping out at 16, when it was legal to do so in my state, but managed to stick it out.

I stayed in party scenes up until age ~30. I felt like less of an outsider surrounded by other “weird” kids, especially because we were always intoxicated, so the ND behaviors were masked by, or attributed to, being high/drunk.

I bounced around friend groups, at my school, and random people I met partying, online, or through other friends. I was extremely outgoing, and definitely see now that connecting people was part of sensation seeking for me. I was direct, and had no problem asking random people to hang out.

It was even easier because I always wanted to share my drugs/booze, and found this to be a great method of breaking the ice. Because of that, most of my friendships (all of them once I got into high school) were based around using.

I’m realizing now that I could be very “head in the clouds” when it came to noticing when people found me weird or didn’t want to be around me. I never understood it back then, but would get very hurt when I’d frequently be left out of things. It didn’t end, even through my twenties.

There were all these people I thought I was friends with, but I’d consistently be left out when the groups got together. I wasn’t a part of it. My therapist said this is common for people with ADHD, as inattentiveness, boredom, sensation seeking keeps us moving around and not as easily committing to one group or person or scene to stick with.

I really didn’t understand back then why I’d get left out, and it led me to having bad feelings towards groups that would exclude me. So, I withdrew, and found new friends, and continued bouncing around. I tried to be very “not give a fuck” and keep it moving.

Once I graduated high school, I quickly went into my career (sex work) and totally absorbed myself in that. It felt great to have something that no one else I grew up around was involved in. It was easy for me because sex work is acting! I fucking love acting. I researched the type of character I wanted to portray, studied body language, dialogue, took notes, read books, took online courses, it became my whole life. I have a lot to say about that, but will save it for another post.

One last point on my lack of perception on myself in high school. In my 20s, I ran into a woman I went to school with who was now in the same greater social scene as me. She was intoxicated and blabbing and told me “Yeah, you know, I used to think you were sooo weird, but maybe you actually had things figured out back then.” So, that’s that.

Now that I’m sober, I’m starting to get some real perspective. Now that my real self is not clouded by substances, I feel I’m able to understand myself better, and analyze my life for answers.

Thanks to anyone reading, for accompanying me on this portion of my journey.

#autism #adhd #autistic #adhd inattentive #late diagnosed adhd #possibly autistic #probably autistic #autistic tumblr #adhd tumblr #childhood #childhood development #questioning #self diagnosis #self diagnosed autism

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verocounseling1925-blog · 6 months

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Narcissist Rage

Narcissistic rage is a term that was first coined by author Heinz Kohut in 1972 to refer to the tendency for people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) to fly into a rage with what might seem like the slightest provocation or no obvious provocation at all.

People with NPD require that others give them consistent admiration and positive feedback. When this doesn't happen, it can elicit underlying feelings of shame that trigger an instant angry response and cause them to lash out without considering how it impacts the recipient.

It is the narcissist’s thin skin and sensitivity that leads to this rage because of a deep-seated fear of being "found out" for not being the person they portray themselves to be.

Signs of Narcissistic Rage

Are you wondering if someone you know might be exhibiting signs of narcissistic rage? Or are you somewhat aware that you may have this tendency yourself? If you’re not sure, take a look at this list of the signs and symptoms of narcissistic rage. While it might feel as though the attack is calculated, most often, narcissistic rage is reactive in nature.

An episode of narcissistic rage derives from a threat to a person's sense of self and is characterized by intense anger.1 In a relationship, for example, this could manifest in physical or verbal abuse, manipulation, or passive-aggressive behavior.2

Narcissistic rage is different from other forms of anger in that narcissistic rage is disproportionate to the perceived slight; it’s as though the person has a hair-trigger response. It’s completely out of proportion to what provoked it and often takes the other person by surprise.

Narcissistic rage can be active or passive with corresponding outward or inward signs of the problem. Below are the signs and symptoms to watch out for.

Outward Signs

Bouts of rage when not given the attention they feel deserve

Screaming and yelling

Angry or explosive outbursts

Intense anger

Sudden fits of anger

Becoming verbally or physically aggressive

Inability to control the rage

Intentionally trying to inflict pain (emotional or physical) on others

Inward Signs

Passive aggression

Giving the "silent treatment"

Withdrawing or being aloof

Avoiding someone

Hidden resentment

Neglecting to do things

Using sarcasm to cut people down

Righteous indignation

A sense of entitlement

Becoming hostile or bitter

Cutting people off as a means to protect their self-esteem

Dissociation or feeling disconnected from reality

Causes of Narcissistic Rage

If you suspect that someone you know has problems with narcissistic rage or that you may have this problem yourself, you might also be curious as to the cause. While we don’t know precisely what causes narcissistic personality disorder, which is often an underlying factor in narcissistic rage, it’s likely that a combination of genetics, upbringing, and life experiences play a role.3

If you’re confused about whether someone you know might have NPD, it’s helpful to learn more about this disorder. NPD tends to disrupt all areas of a person’s life and can be overt (obvious), covert (hidden), or even high-functioning (the person is successful in life despite the disorder, such as a high-powered business person who is known for flying into fits of rage).4

Personality Traits

The criteria for a diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder require a pervasive and long-term pattern of certain personality traits, including:

Grandiosity

Need for power and control

Lacking empathy

A sense of entitlement

Being envious of others

Arrogance

Need for attention

People may struggle with these types of narcissistic vulnerabilities without meeting the full criteria for narcissistic personality disorder.

Additional Contributing Factors

In addition, there are a number of specific factors or causes that can be identified when it comes to NPD and narcissistic rage in particular. We know that narcissistic rage happens when a person experiences "narcissistic injury," which equates to the sense of self being threatened.5

Below are some other factors to consider:

Early childhood trauma, such as abuse or neglect and invalidation of the person's emotions, can cause them to bury their true self and hide internal injuries behind a false or alternate persona built on lies.

A highly sensitive temperament that is very reactive to feelings of shame can exacerbate rage responses.

Failure to develop critical emotion regulation skills can result in a childlike way of reacting to situations.

An unstable sense of self-esteem that makes them feel as though they are at risk of being "found out" can result in rage when triggered.

Facing a setback or disappointment that triggers shame and shatters one’s self-image can then trigger anger.

Being envious of someone else having something that they don’t have (i.e., material things, relationships, status) may prompt a rage response.

Memories of early experiences of shame can be triggered by current events leading to intense anger.

"Splitting" (also known as black-or-white thinking or all-or-nothing thinking) or viewing other people as good or bad (i.e., narcissists shift between idealizing someone and then degrading them; seeing someone as all good and then all bad) can explain the sudden nature of rage responses.

Having a sense of self that is split into two parts (true self and false self) can complicate a person's ability to manage emotional responses.

A fragmented sense of self that requires the adoration of other people (narcissistic supply) creates a fragile situation in which their entire sense of self is based on what other people think of them rather than a true internal self.

Types of Narcissistic Rage

As mentioned previously, there are two different types of narcissistic rage: outward or explosive and inward or passive.

Explosive rage: The person hurls insults, screams and yells, and may even threaten other people or harm themselves.

Passive rage: The person retreats into a period of sulking and refuses to engage with you.

A narcissist can engage in both types of narcissistic rage rather than being solely outward or inward in their actions and behaviors.

Narcissistic Rage Cycle

Unlike typical anger, narcissistic rage does not go through a series of stages. For example, psychiatrist Adam Blatner identified the following seven stages or levels of typical anger:6

Stress: Feelings of anger under the surface that are not consciously acknowledged or acted upon

Anxiety: Anger starts to leak through with subtle signs

Agitation: Outward signs of being displeased without any blame assigned

Irritation:Showing more displeasure to get others to respond and change

Frustration: Showing anger with an angry face or using harsh words

Anger:Increasing how loudly you speak and being more expressive

Rage:Losing one’s temper and flying into fits of aggression

In contrast, there is no progression through a series of steps. Rather, what happens during narcissistic rage is more of a child-like response in which the person goes straight from feelings of stress to a full-blown outward or inward expression of rage.

Some refer to this as the narcissistic rage cycle. In this cycle, others don't live up to the person with narcissism's expectations, causing them to feel disappointment, then leading to anger which is followed by feelings of shame. This narcissistic rage cycle repeats, resulting in emotional dysfunction.7

Examples of Narcissistic Rage

Still not sure if what you are experiencing is narcissistic rage? Below are some examples.

Not Getting Their Way

Your boss might make an unreasonable request such as asking you to work long hours over the weekend on a project at the last minute. If you refuse this unreasonable requisition, they may lash out with narcissistic rage.

Not Getting Enough Attention

A friend might always direct the conversation back to talking about themselves, even in the case when someone has shared something important and listening would be more appropriate. They might even become jealous and sulk or lash out if everyone is giving attention to someone else’s problem and ignoring them.

Feel Like They Are Losing Control of People/Situation

Someone might lash out at you if they feel as though they have lost control of you or the situation.

Reacting to Criticism

Narcissistic rage can result from even the most gentle of criticism because of the unstable sense of self-esteem.

Getting Caught Doing Something

If you point out that someone is lying or cheating and they react by turning the tables and making you feel as though you are in the wrong or mistaken, that could be a sign of narcissistic rage.

Consequences of Narcissistic Rage

What are the consequences of narcissistic rage and why is it such a problem? The truth is that narcissistic rage has negative effects on the person who has the problem as well as everyone else who is subjected to the rage.

Below are some of the possible negative outcomes of narcissistic rage:

Rifts in families

Breakups of relationships

Other people not wanting to be around you

Having success but at the cost of friendships

Financial difficulties

Problems sustaining employment or attending school

Problems with the law

Physical harm (e.g., to others with outward violence and to the self with self-harm such as cutting, burning, or headbanging)

Feelings of guilt, loss, and being worthless

Inability to adapt to change

Depression and anxiety

Problems with physical health

Substance use and addiction

Suicidal thoughts or behaviors

How to Control Your Narcissistic Rage

If you are the person who has a problem controlling narcissistic rage, you may or may not be aware of what is happening internally. Hopefully, if you’ve read this far, you have a better sense and are interested in ways to interact with the world in a healthier and more fulfilling way.

While narcissistic rage might feel good at the moment as it helps relieve feelings of fear and shame, in the long term, it only serves to drive good people away from you, interfere with your success, and leave you fragile and at risk.

While treatment of narcissistic conditions can be challenging, here are some things to try if you want to get a handle on your narcissistic rage.

Therapy

Psychological therapy is the main treatment for narcissistic personality disorder with psychoanalytic therapy or cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) being the most common.8 Other options include schema therapy, dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), and mentalization-based therapy.

Seeing a therapist can help you better understand your behavior, reduce the inner turmoil that you experience, address underlying causes, and prepare you with better coping strategies to deal with future situations. A therapist could help you:

Become willing to go through a process of understanding yourself and move toward your true self through therapy

Decide that the costs of staying the same are greater than the costs of making a change

Develop a more resilient sense of self and feel good about who you are, regardless of external sources of validation

Deal with past traumatic memories or experiences of shame that are triggered when your narcissistic rage becomes a problem

Support you as you deal with life without using your old strategies of self-inflation and manipulation

Understand that your rage is driven by fear of rejection and that this is actually a vicious cycle that creates actual rejection

Develop your own sense of individuality, be a whole person, and feel empowered

Learn how to have healthy relationships, both with yourself and with other people

Work through the pain of confronting your feelings of inadequacy and fragile self-image

Get Help Now

We've tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of the best online therapy programs including Talkspace, Betterhelp, and Regain. Find out which option is the best for you.

Tips for Dealing With Narcissistic Rage

Are you on the receiving end of someone else’s narcissistic rage and you’d like to know how to better handle the situation? If so, below are some tips for dealing with bouts of narcissistic rage, whether it’s from a family member, partner, friend, co-worker, or stranger.

General Advice

The following includes good general advice for navigating another person's narcissistic rage.

Do's

Become familiar with NPD

Seek therapy for yourself

Avoid triggering a reaction

Call 911 if the person is a threat

Know you aren't to blame for their behavior

Stay calm and set personal boundaries

Don'ts

Escalate conflicts

Take things personally

Share too much personal information

Try to use logic or get into a debate

Apologize or accept their behavior

Stay in the situation if their anger becomes explosive

Seek revenge

Become familiar with narcissistic personality disorder so you can recognize triggers and outcomes. This includes recognizing the qualities that may make you a target for narcissists (e.g., being overly agreeable and accepting).

Seek therapy for yourself when warranted based on past events. Find support for yourself, such as a support group or a person you can confide in.

Avoid triggering a narcissistic reaction. Potential triggers include giving direct criticism or feedback and escalating conflicts that could lead to personal harm. Don’t try to use logic or get into a debate with the person or try to argue that they are overreacting. Also, don't take things personally, seek out revenge, or share too much personal information that could be used against you.

Recognize that they aren't behaving or acting in a rational manner, their judgment is impaired, and they are not thinking straight. Rage will tend to show up when the narcissist is stressed by circumstances, so it’s best to avoid them during these times as a form of self-protection. If you feel as though the person is a threat to themselves or anyone else (including you), call 911 or the emergency number in your area.

Realize that you are not to blame and are not responsible for their moods or behaviors. Don't apologize or accept their behavior, which may just lead to more abuse. And don't become angry yourself; try to stay calm, cool, and collected.

Respond according to their actions. If you are given the silent treatment, do your best to ignore it. If their anger becomes explosive, leave the situation to protect your own safety. Validate their feelings without going along with bad behavior; for example, say "you are entitled to feel that way."

Set personal boundaries to be clear about what is acceptable behavior for you. If you feel like you might be being gaslighted, find an outside perspective. Protect your self-esteem and self-worth from being affected by the narcissist.

Stranger

If the narcissistic rage you experience is from a person you don't know:

Walk away from them and do not engage further.

Recognize that the interaction is not your fault and you are not obligated to stay and argue.

Co-Worker

If you're subjected to narcissistic rage from a co-worker:

Verify things they tell you to make sure you are getting the full story.

If your work is being affected, speak to your manager or the human resources (HR) director to share what has happened.

Report any instances of harassment at the workplace immediately.

Keep records of your interaction with the person so you can argue your case.

Avoid being alone with the person.

Spouse, Partner, or Family Member

If it is your spouse, partner, or another family member who is the perpetrator of narcissistic rage:

Attend couples therapy when warranted to work on communication skills.

Set personal boundaries as to what behavior is acceptable to you in your relationship.

Put space between you and family members who engage in narcissistic rage; give them time to cool off before re-engaging.

Attend family therapy to get at the root causes of issues and help your loved one understand themselves better.

End the relationship if you feel physically, mentally, or emotionally threatened.

#Narcissim #anger issues #Relationship #Couples #Couples therapy

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hybridshadowz · 7 years

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tagged~

gonna do this before I forget lol (thanks for the tag @pondsonthetardis!)

Relationship Status: forever single dudeeee

Fave Color(s): Purple, blue, magenta :D

Pets: ........none at the moment :(

Last song listened to: Great Days by Karen Aoki & Daisuke Hasegawa and 99 by Mob Choir (yes both on endless repeat)

First Fandom: The first one I got really involved in was Sonic, did a bunch of art and even an ask blog for it

Hobbies: gaming, staring at the ceiling wondering what the heck is life, getting lost in music, watching mainly anime

Books: haven’t read in a while but I gravitate towards fantasy, horror, adventure sort of novels

I’m gonna tag these lovely people: @xsynchxyz @linktoo @foolishneko @kobuttachan @jennoace

...... or you can just ignore this and carry on lolol, no need to do it if you don’t wanna~

#no hidden sarcasm or passive aggressive meaning there #I usually end up not tagging people cause I always feel like im just bothering #anyways thanks for the tag!#tagged #hybsrambles

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ontheoddoccasioniwritestuff · 3 years

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Grumpy Softie (Spencer Reid x Reader) Smut

Summary: There are a few sure-fire ways to improve a frustrated doctor’s mood.

AN: This is my fic for @reidgraygubler for @imagining-in-the-margins and @sunlight-moonrise fic swap! I hope you enjoy it! Reader is AFAB and uses they/them pronouns. 18+, Minors DNI!

Content Warnings: Grinding, mild choking, mutual masturbation, desk sex.

Masterlist

Your name: submit What is this?

Spencer had been cantankerous beyond belief these last few days. His passive aggression seeped through to every action: the harsh clinking of the teaspoon against his coffee mug, the pen scratching against a student’s homework, his brow determined to iron in wrinkles while he read one of many bills.

Mandatory days off from work would have driven him insane were it not for his position at college. Finally, it was Doctor Spencer Reid’s turn to take on the lecture theatre alone, only a hint of nostalgia in his chest for when Gideon was at his side or when he would poke his head around the door with a casefile pressed to his chest. Still wet behind the ears and barely filling out the FBI’s smaller sized vests – let alone the windbreaker.

Now he was leading the class, all eyes on him, and more students were laughing at his jokes.

With a loud sigh, Spencer took off his glasses, leaning back with his fingers rubbing darkness back under his eyes. As if his fractioned sleep schedule wasn’t doing enough of that for him. His desk was weighed heavy under the piles of essays he printed off. He hadn’t moved for three hours and he had no reason to: no classes, he wasn’t hungry nor did he need the toilet. Only one thing could save him from his dismal mood continuing for the rest of the day.

Y/N crawled over his lap with the knowledge that Spencer would not try to push them away. Working his soft spot for them, they settled down upon him and squeezed his shoulders tight.

Blinking against the light, Spencer’s half-closed lids focused on the shadowy face and the left corner of his mouth lifted for them.

“Hey,” He said, his voice low and gravelly.

Y/N leant their nose against his for a second, “Hi.”

“I’m busy, you know?”

“I do. I just missed you.”

“My door is open; you can see me from the couch.”

“Not close enough.”

Prison had done that to the couple. Made them “clingy” despite Spencer’s aversion for touch, but it was understandable. The proxemics between Spencer and Shadow meant nothing but agony if they weren’t touching. That divider, the guards keeping eyes and reaching for guns, batons, at an inch’s worth of movement, those signs screaming: “NO CONTACT BETWEEN VISITORS AND INMATES”. What a hierarchy.

Shadow kept up their smile despite the meaning behind their words. A decent mask to cover the pain on their end because why would they want to burden Spencer with theirs as well as his own? Except that was what their relationship supported and Spencer was able to lift off the mask to welcome all emotion it had been hiding, because that was exactly what Y/N had done for him once he was released.

“This close enough?” He said, wrapping his arms around their waist with his left wrist in his right hand. The link pressed against Y/N’s lower back and nudged them closer. Y/N’s smile was hidden in a bitten lip as they shook their head.

“Oh?” Spencer raised his eyebrows, clicking his tongue. With deliberation, he moved so that Y/N was trapped now by his forearm. His free hand closed tenderly around their neck and gave a light squeeze, “How about this?”

Y/N let out a cross between a whine and a hum. That was the push they wanted and all the confirmation Spencer needed.

Taking the lead, Y/N was up to strip off their trousers and underwear while Spencer undid his belt. There was only so much time; the waistband of his trousers caught underneath his thighs when Y/N returned to his lap. Fluid and practiced motions removed his cock from his underwear, the sound of spit hitting skin followed by the touch of a loving hand. He lavished in the attention for a few seconds. Then he matched their stroking with his own nimble fingers, simultaneously grounding them in each other’s grasp and lifting them away into heaven-like states.

He used Y/N’s own tactics against them and won as they moaned against his lips, pulling away only at the will of his hand. Their own feeble attempts at pulling his hair did nothing to dissuade his speed; the whining only made him more fervent.

That faux innocence, as if Y/N didn’t know what they were doing while practically humping his clothed cock in the middle of his work day, it was intoxicating and he breathed it in from the slope of their neck. Open mouthed, he gripped their cheeks tight and grinded against them.

“Please,” Y/N whispered.

Only because they asked so beautifully. Y/N wobbled before they settled onto his cock. Their clit was flush with his pubic bone before Spencer started moving, digging his heels into the carpet. Seeing, hearing, feeling their bliss, it didn’t take long for him to cum inside them, leading Y/N to climax. They were so needy, so loving as they came in his lap. Spencer kissed their cheek, whispered a few words of gratitude in their ear. He revelled in the moan he got as a reply that was accompanied by a squeeze around him.

“This is almost perfect,” Y/N sighed.

Spencer stopped, his confused pout still pressed up against their skin. “Almost?”

“Too many clothes in the way.”

“Hmm. I agree.” A little laughter was shared between them. “And you’re missing a ring.”

Flexing their fingers behind his neck, Shadow said, “So are you. You want one that vibrates?”

“I uh wasn’t talking about that.”

“I know, hun. I know.” The teasing in their tone was clear. One might not believe they had been begging for release just minutes prior.

“Good idea though.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Hmm, I like yours better.”

“Can I tell you something?”

Y/N lifted their head up to look Spencer in the eye, giving him a lazy nod. The twinkle in his eye spread to his smile while he tipped his head over Y/N’s shoulder, “I kinda wanna get the ring from the drawer. But I don’t wanna move.”

Now it was Y/N who was confused. “You’re torn between proposing and not pulling out?”

“Well, since you’ve been good for me…” Spencer began to shuffle on his seat. He stopped instantly as Y/N groaned and clung tighter around to him. Willing some self-restraint, he cupped their thighs and stood slowly with a hand on his chair’s back.

“Spencer please-”

“Almost there, I promise.”

Their laughing hitched with gasps as Spencer placed them down onto his desk, their hands falling amidst paperwork to support themselves with Spencer slanted against their chest. A slide of the desk’s top drawer accompanied the fiddling of documents and Spencer’s craning neck. Y/N couldn’t help themselves. Despite wanting him to achieve his goal, they distracted him with tickling kisses that disturbed his giggles more.

“Got it.” Spencer finally withdrew the box in one hand until it opened and handed over his ring – which he then held between himself and his partner, “So, Y/N, will you marry me?”

“Yes, I will.” Y/N still couldn’t believe this was happening. Only the cool ring sliding along their finger kept them anchored, dizzying them with happiness as Spencer kissed it. “We can never tell our kids about this.”

Spencer’s gaze broke from the ring, that and his tone being only things soft about him. “Our kids?”

“I mean,” Y/N looked down, “You’re still inside me. It’s almost like you’re making sure you get me knocked up.”

As per usual, Spencer’s mind worked fast. He licked his fingers and reached down, rubbing their clit. Arching into him, Y/N’s forehead glued to Spencer’s and their eyes studied each other’s reactions. Not even as Spencer guided Y/N to lay back on the desk did they break form and Spencer took advantage of this pull up one of their legs and push himself deeper inside once the angle was right for them. Every time he bottomed out, Y/N let out a squeal. This orgasm was silent as it crested over them. No sound left their agape mouth, no breath for several seconds. When that deep sigh finally left their lungs, Spencer released his too, his hips finally slowing down now that the spike of pleasure threatened to take his control.

“Orgasms help when trying for a baby,” panted Spencer, “Supposedly.”

“Whatever you say, doctor, professor, darling.” Y/N swallowed and sighed, “I hope I didn’t crease any of your students’ assignments.”

“They’re copies. Don’t worry, I’ll just print them off again.”

Shoulders rising and falling, Spencer looked like he had just been freed of the weights of the world, and his face was gentle in expressing his relief. The only tension was in his cheeks with his smile, the apples firm and rosy.

Rolling their eyes was the only response that Y/N could think of, that and: “Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?” Spencer turned his head just to keep eye contact wherever Y/N was avoiding it, following their lolling head and beaming still, “I just took you twice at and on my desk, and now you can’t smile at you?”

“Ugh, go back to being cranky, would you?”

“I can’t, not now I’m engaged to the most wonderful person I know.” Oh, a reminder – if he was able to forget, but his mind was rather occupied beforehand. “When anyone asks, we’ll tell them I got down on one knee at the park after a dinner date.”

“How romantic.”

Unable to discern if this was sarcasm or not, Spencer welcomed Y/N’s arms around his neck and their lips locked to his once more as he sat them up but kept them close – just a little longer.

#spencer reid #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid imagine #Spencer reid smut #criminal minds #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds smut #my writing #wc: 1k+#smut

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radfemblack · 3 years

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Why Is the UK TERF Island?

An answer-

Tradition of Cross-Dressing: Cross-dressing is a common trope in British comedy & has been for centuries - there are a variety of forms with the trope including the pervy dude who dresses as a woman to access womens changing rooms. So men cross-dressing is a cultural norm here: they do it for fun & laughs. See Monthy Pythons 'Loretta' scene in Life of Brian - link in another of my comments up-thread. See also: The Two Ronnies, multiple Monty Python sketches, Mrs Browns Boys, Little Britain, The League of Gentlemen, and pantomime dames. So in the UK if a man or a boy puts on a dress, we don't immediately think "there must be a reason for this!". Plus we had a lot of gender bending in the 1970's, 1980's & 1990's popular culture: men in make up, with long hair, wearing skirts were common, as were women with short hair wearing suits - see Boy George, Annie Lennox & Bowie.

Gender Non-Conformity: Gender non-conformity is quite normal & accepted. I think a lot of this is rooted in women being conscripted to work in traditional male jobs during WW2 (eg. as engineers or in the land army) when all men that could be spared, were recruited to fight. Working class women have commonly failed to conform to a meek, helpless patriarchal version of femininity. And British women through history have worked to dismantle gender stereotypes as 'gender' was often offered up as a reason to limit our rights - so the concept had to be destroyed. Thus gender identity theory isn't a good fit with British culture, as gender stereotypes were never as rigourously enforced here & have been consistently challenged / critiqued. See also: cross-dressing

National Character: We have a national character which can be blunt & unpretentious (we call 'spade is a spade') with a DGAF attitude - particularly in the Midlands / North. We also have a tendancy towards piss-taking & we don't particularly like cheats or queue jumping - it's a national delusion of truth & justice (it's just not cricket). For all the talk of British manners, we can actually be quite forthright - we're very good at being very polite & 'civil' while telling people to 'fuck off' to thier faces. British people might not complain about things to your face, but we'll sure as hell go home & complain to EVERYONE we know about it. We've turned sarcasm & passive aggression into a cultural art form. We also seem to have a natural skepticism, resistance to authority & subconcious collectivism.

British Left: The British left is rooted in left wing, socialist, materialist philosophy & class analysis rather than liberalism. This means the that whole of the left in the UK didn't immediately capitulate to a liberal, idealist philosophy that elevates subjective individial feelings over objective collective material reality. Our long history of class analysis & strong leftwing philosophical tradition gave us a powerful basis from which to resist gender identity ideology.

British Feminism: There is a strong history of feminist thinking, activism & networking, & of feminst participation in the union movement & in left wing & LGB campaigning. This mean British women activists had a lot of experience in debating, public speaking, organising, awareness raising & delivering material political change in the UK - this made it easier for women to quickly build organisations & networks, set up programmes of talks, work politicians, etc in response to proposed changes to the GRA. Compare this to the UK TRAs whose main orgainising seems to be around hidden politcal agendas, counter protests, social media echo-chambers, de-platforming & colonisation fo established spaces, etc.

Secular: We're not divided politically by religion. We're quite a secular society - so getting us to collectively accept that people have 'gendered souls' was going to be a struggle b/c you'd need to get us believe in the idea of souls first. Our lack of a Christian right also means we don't have religiously enforced homophobia so much here. And gay & lesbian people are part of our cultural history (even though we treated them like shit). Much of the resistance in the UK is coming from feminists, the left, & gay & lesbian people, and the lack of a Christian right means it's harder to smear British left-wing feminists as right-wing religious conservatives, or to denounce one of the founders of Stonewall as "homophobic".

Long History of Civil Rights: We've been fighting over civil rights for centuries - we know a genuine civil rights movement when we see one, & we know a demand for privilege when we see one. See also: we call a spade a spade & sense of justice.

British Womens Culture: It's almost like a 'culture within a culture': my Mum has a saying 'your son is your son until he gets a wife, your daughter is your daughter until the end of your life'. And it's true - there is quite a strong female bond in the UK. I saw it through the female lines in my family with my great aunts, grandmothers & aunts; the women will take on the men in defence of each other - I've seen my 70 year old mother take my 42 year old brother to task in defense of my SIL. She just wouldn't tolerate that kind of shit from him.

Which relates to another aspect of traditional British female culture: the 'battle-axe' - these are older, formidable women who are fierce, determined & take no shit. They're a common trope in British TV (eg. Nora Batty, Ena Sharples) and used to command respect & awe in the British working class. They're not as common these days due to changing social structures, but powerful, courageous women who take no shit are a cultural norm. My maternal great aunt was a battle-axe: she was brilliant & an inspiration.

Country Size, Legal/Political Structure & Population Density: We're quite a small country with a high population density: we have collective experiences as a country & our laws (& power) are very centralised (apart from the devolved powers). This means that you can't really miss the main national issues, as they impact everyone - it's not something remote happening in a state or province on the other side of a large nation. Living cheek by jowel, & having a smaller population than some other countries means that less people have to hear about something for it to become a hot topic, news & ideas spread faster, & you can peak half the women in the country much more quickly as fewer people have to hear about it.

#terf #feminism #feminist #terf island #lgb #lgbt #lgb alliance #gender critical

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the-courage-to-heal · 2 years

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What is verbal abuse in a relationship?

Verbal abuse is any spoken, written, or gestured communication used to assert power and control. Because it’s often used to deliberately humiliate or demean, it’s considered a form of emotional abuse.“Verbal abuse is a repeating pattern of verbal attacks towards another person,” explains Christine Scott-Hudson, a therapist based in Santa Barbara, California. It can be communication that’s direct and blunt, or it can be passive-aggressive and subtler.

According to Scott-Hudson, verbal abuse in a relationship usually escalates over time.

Your relationship involves verbal abuse if any of the following is happening:

• mocking or ridiculing

• belittling

• insulting

• blaming or scapegoating

• privacy invasion

• bullying

• harassing

• assaulting

• disrespecting

• rejecting

• isolating

• intimidating

• controlling

• manipulating

There may also be verbal abuse if the arguments make one or both partners feel:

• unable to have the “right” answer

• powerless

• afraid

• self-doubting

Common forms of verbal abuse in marital arguments

“Denial, blame, and manipulation are different forms of making someone feel less-than and not valuable,” says Dr. Timothy Yen, a psychologist in Dublin, California.

Denial

Someone using verbal abuse may deny their own behaviors. They may claim they can’t control how they act when their emotions rise.

Examples may include:

“I can’t help it. I just get so angry.”

“You know I don’t mean it that way when I say it.”

“It’s because I care about you so much.”

Manipulation

Manipulation may not always come out in heated arguments. It can be hidden in conversation and often involves guilting or testing loyalty.

Examples may include:

“You wouldn’t do that if you really cared about me.”

“Men find women with that hair color more attractive, you know.”

“People would like you better if you talked less.”

Other forms of verbal abuse you may encounter include:

• name-calling

• withholding information/communication

• gaslighting

• shaming

• criticizing

• intimidating

• judging

• accusing

• hurtful sarcasm

source

#emotional abuse #abusive relationship #self help

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blacksunscorpio · 4 years

Note

Hi, hope you’re well! I was wondering about the hidden enemies aspect of the twelfth house. Does hidden mean the types of people (people with influence of the sign in your 12h) you are unaware are antagonizing you or is it that those characteristics in someone throw you off but you can’t really put your finger on why? Can these people believe that they are helping you but really they’re holding you back in some way? Can the hidden aspect go both ways? Why does 12h synestry have this effect? I have cancer on the 12h cusp and I’ve never really been able to develop any meaningful relationships with any (cancers) that I’ve met though I’ve been trying to emulate characteristics of this sign (12h as repressed tendencies). Note: I unfortunately have no water placements to help me out what so ever lol. Thanks for your help, your blog is absolute gold ✨✨✨

12th House and Hidden Enemies

Since the 12th house is ruled by Neptune, this is the place in our chart where things can be difficult to ascertain. Things are murky and veiled here. Not only can you be unaware of where people are causing trouble for you but there can also be a weird “vibe” that something is not right with something or someone but one may not be readily able to make it out. In the natal chart, synastry, or composite this can display itself as mentioned above. Things can get triggered here in ways you are not altogether comfortable with. And of course, because like the 8th house, things can be deeply buried or repressed. For more insight lets look further:

Aries/Mars in the 12th

Hidden or unconscious foes can often attack a native’s go sense of self. This is because Aries/Mars rules the 1st house of self. “I AM”. Often a native with this placement may wind up feeling victimized without being able to put their finger on the source if said feeling. An astrologer/native will want to observe one’s Mars placement and the contacts it is making to other planets in the natal horoscope or in synastry/composite [Mid-point or Davison]. Ex: Mars in the 1st can indicate conflict to the self. Mars in the 7th can indicate complexity with enemies being close relationships. One can have issues with authority figures or those in leadership. Hidden enemies can be competitors or they may feel anyone who triggers these planets is a rival they need to “beat”. People who trigger “lust” or “Sexual urges” in a native may be perceived as a nemesis. In addition, rivals/enemies might display aggression, antagonism, self-serving habits, and impulsivity. Watch out for those who display toxicity in the form of domination or those who overall try to silence or step on your drive. These people can be ruthless, cruel, “bullies” or simply those who charge in a shoot first/ask questions later.

Taurus/Venus in the 12th

Enemies are involved with 2nd house realm of “possessions”. Things we get territorial over. This includes finances and things we appreciate. Enemies may accuse the native of stealing/taking something precious from them. Things they value. Be on guard for those who encourage over-indulgence, general excess, and materialism. Someone who once wore the mask of a friend may turn foe due to being envious of the things a native owns. The things a native has or their wealth. Venusian placements can indicate the type of relationship a native has with their enemy. Ex: Venus in the 4th may indicate secretly toxic family members. Venus in the 11th= friends or those in their general social network. Venus in the 5th, casual lovers, etc. Fixed tendencies or feelings can exist in the underlying relationship between secret enemies. Be on the lookout for undoing in the physical/material realm. This includes thievery, hoarding, over-spending, or living beyond practical means. Undoing can come from going after comfort and security in toxic or co-dependent ways. Lovers or those who provide wealth and security may become enemies by withholding it from a native or trying to gain control over it behind the native’s back.

Gemini/Mercury in the 12th

Secret enemies can come in many forms. Generally, this will be in the realm of communication, ideals, or intellect. The interactions may be formidable and stem from communicative interactions or opposing views. A secret enemy will often challenge the native’s wits or will simply strive to appear more intelligent than them. Superficiality, fakeness, disingenuousness, and two-faced behavior are common threads. Undoing can display itself as blockages to learning, gaining insights, and general discouragement of focus that can make the native grow. An enemy will, in layman’s terms, try to make you look stupid. Insult your mind. Make you lose focus. Mercury aspects and placements can reveal more. Ex: Mercury in the 11th can indicate surface level bonds with peers and communication that is not honest. Friends may lie. Mercury in the 9th possibly indicating enemies who may try to manipulate beliefs or manipulation in regard to teaching and religion. Secret enemies will reveal themselves in their communication methods with the natives. Through dialogue. Enemies here can use sarcasm, cowardly subs, insults veiled through “back-handed compliments”, passive aggression, insult you subliminally so you don’t realize you were attacked or insulted until after-the-fact. Slander, libel, or general shit talking. Think of Regina George: “OMG I love your skirt!” only to turn around and say “That is the fugliest effing skirt I’ve ever seen”. with the 3rd house involved, siblings and extended family could be culprits or part of the problem. A toxic person may try to attack your intellectual confidence. Unethical approaches involved with words and general attacks of the mind. These people may intentionally cause confusion or gaslighting. Watch out for people you perceive to be liars. Therein lies the foe.

Cancer/Moon in the 12th

Veiled Nemesis’ are often difficult to feel. Things will be subtle. Their tactics or vibes will often display themselves in the form of manipulation, passive aggression, or a general “toying with the feelings”. Since the moon/Cancer often represents the “mother”, toxicity from a parent or child may be an issue or the culprit. A native will often feel their sense of security or safety being “attacked”. Enemies will attach their healing methods and/or emotional confidence. The placement of the Moon can indicate where emotional damage typically goes on. Ex: Moon in the 10th can indicate attacks to the public person or prestige or even the career. Coddling, not being able to let go, clinginess and overprotection are general themes. Perhaps a parent or guardian, lover, or close friend is incessantly over-protective that it causes a stunt to general emotional and mental growth. Again, it may be hard to see since it is the moon that can be a mysterious place as is the 12th house. The channel that one discovers said enemy will typically be through intuition and even dreams. Remember, through said over-protection and general fear of letting go can lead to the native’s undoing. We often see the toxic side of femininity with this placement. Mom, Grandma, sister, great grandmother, etc can be involved in the problem here. Child-abuse, using the child as a pawn during custody battles, emotional manipulation in order to get what the enemy wants can be what causes the nemesis theme. A hidden enemy may cloak themselves as “just wanting the best for you” or “I do it because I love you and care.” The enemy may not be able to let go.

Leo/Sun in the 12th

Foes will strive to exert their and dominance over a native. This will display itself as the spirit of competitiveness, bullying, domination, bossiness, arrogance, etc. Think leonine traits at their worst. Leo in the 12th will do this behind the scenes with power plays. How they can lord things over a native. The father could be a culprit in this or the father could be part of the issue. Daddy issue [regardless of sex]. Internalized misogyny. The Sun’s placement can reveal more. Sun in the 3rd will try to influence the mind or dominate the intellect. Sun in the 6th indicates a coworker or boss or one may feel/be overshadowed at work. The battle will always be involved with the core ego or one’s sense of self. A hidden enemy will try to greatly influence this person in this realm. A hidden nemesis will try to act like the dominant parental figure or act as if they are giving good sage-like guidance or person. They will try to act like the authority figure. This person will drain the native’s energy stores. The definition of an energy vampire. Why? because even as humans, we get our energy from the Sun. We are heliocentric. One can often feel drained energetically after dealing with such an individual. This will reveal to you “who” the enemy is. In addition, we can see more themes of toxic masculinity here just like Mars in the 12th. Moreover, the enemy may not be another person but the own native’s hubris. They need to take care not to allow their ego to run roughshod over them. Pride comes before the fall.

Virgo/Mercury in the 12th

Secret enemies with this placement will often reveal themselves by criticism. More specifically, criticism about things a native is very insecure about. The critiquing will be neither healthy nor remotely helpful. It will scar instead fo heal. Hidden foes will wear the mask of the “caretaker” or “healer”. Their behavior will simply be a means to an end. The native will often find themselves internalizing the criticism which is exactly what their enemy wants. The words the foe spouts will be sort of like Simon Cowell’s analytical stance. Harsh but not in a way that builds. One may often find the enemy saying things like “that’s just my opinion.” they will veil it under the mask of “honesty” when in reality it is just shit-talking for shit-talking’s sake. These people don’t really care, they just like to take people down a peg. Be on the lookout for those who display “Munchhausen by proxy syndrome” towards you. The caregiver who secretly injures by tries to gaslight and cover it up under the guise of “love”.

Libra/Venus in the 12th

Like Taurus in the 12th, similar issues will display themselves through relationships. The ones closest to us. Your hidden foes may hide under the mask of “friend”. They are nearer than you are probably comfortable with. Look for those who are near and dear. Now, will all your teammates, family ties or friends be enemies? No. But you’ll want to be careful who you let into your circle with said placement. Best friends turn to enemies. The ones who hate on you when something good happens. The friends who link with you through trauma bonds but when you successfully break that tie, they are angry at every “win” you have. These people will be the ones who don’t clap when you win. The people who say they are “there for you” but stab you in the back. They’ll secretly compete with you. Those who thrive and gloat when you are down and out. Enemies in this house will threaten your harmony and balance somehow. They will not respond well to diplomacy or will mask their ill-intent through the mask of “sweetness” and “Friendliness”. You’ll feel a shallow vibe from them. They’ll say one thing but their energy screams something else. Friends who are fair weather. Those who take advantage of a native’s attachment, or infatuation. A lover who ghosts or tries to make you co-dependent on them. An enemy or toxic person may actually lust or secretly desire you but manipulate you into thinking you are the one obsessed with them. There will be subtle mind games. They will enjoy toying with you. Delayed gratification or just manipulation. Think 5 of swords and 3 of cups paired.

Scorpio/Pluto in the 12th

Paranoia resides here. Hidden foes will be quite underhanded and manipulative. Secrecy is seriously involved. People with this placement live by the mantra “expect anything from anyone, the devil was once an angel”. Betrayal, possessiveness, control and power themes, vengeance, and guilt are involved with enemies. Anyone who triggers these themes recurringly may be individuals to keep your distance from. People who trigger self-destructive tendencies are enemies to look out for. Moreover, a native can feel like they are their own worst enemy. Remember, a Scorpion is prone to stinging themselves. Enemies here are prone to trying to turn the native against themselves. This toxic behavior will be intentional. Toxicity will display itself through trauma bonds, possessiveness, gaslighting, manipulation, envy, or just general attempts at control and domination. Remember, the general theme here is “power and transformation.” Enemies are often those who boast a considerable amount of power [over the native or those who are powerful in general]. The danger in this placement? A native may feel a strong magnetic pull or obsessive fascination towards the enemy. This can appear in the natal, synastry, or composite chart. Watch out for the lover who seems to have a hold on you but you don’t know how or can’t seem to break it. They know what they're doing *sucks teeth*. Secret enemies desire to manipulate you or play the ventriloquist. Their goal is to see you be your own downfall. They’ll wade in the shadows, pouring gasoline on the fire of the flames of your self-destruction. Watch out for those who smirk while you’re going through a hard time. Or those who encourage you to do things you inwardly know aren’t good for you. Be on the look out for power-hungry individuals. Those who NEED to be worshipped. The types to lead “cult-like” followings and draw you in. This can often be displayed through seduction.

Sagittarius/Jupiter in the 12th

Hidden enemies/foes will be very fanatical and zealous. Enemies here lie in the realm of philosophies, teaching, higher learning, or religious beliefs. These enemies will be toxic gamblers. People who enable you or encourage self-indulgence, promiscuity, and general recklessness. They won’t ever warn you or ask you to heed caution. Ever. They’ll mislead you, tell you half-truths, or cherry-pick facts and figures to suit their own needs. They’ll make you think you’re getting the full picture but you won’t be. They’ll teach harmful beliefs, things that destroy faith in what is tangible or real. Make shit up to suit their own propaganda. It’s very similar to Neptune since both Jupiter and Neptune rule the spiritual. What they teach you may make you feel bogged down. They’ll use beliefs and doctrine to control. Their passion and zeal may make you feel as if what they are spouting is the end-all-be-all but it tends to be the opposite. Gloating and one-upmanship are themes as well. These hidden enemies will reveal themselves by questioning your beliefs or forcing you to believe theirs or causing dramatic scenes when you don’t conform or question theirs. The nemesis might be a professor, guru, preacher, priest/priestess, or political leader. They’ll be exaggerators, quite preachy, and cloak their arrogance under another mask. Often it will be “confidence” but ultimately it’s bravado or self-absorption. They’ll be charismatic, yes, but they’ll attack your aspirations, idealism, talents, and dreams or simply try to tell you they’re not there or tell you you don’t really know yourself- they do. They’ll tell you they “know you better than you know yourself”. Again the theme is “beliefs”. They will dissuade you from forming any thought process that doesn’t align with their own. They won’t encourage you to learn for yourself, cross reference, cite your own sources, or guide you to thinking for yourself. It will always have to be in the confines of what THEY believe for it to be seen as “appropriate”.

Capricorn/Saturn in the 12th

Hidden enemies or foes will often be a threat to growth. They’ll be restrictive. Threaten a native’s ambitions, reputation, prestige, groundedness/security. They may present themselves or even be authority figures. Power games are seen here. Guilt, repression, feelings of guilt, and/or general suppression of self-expression and drive. These individuals will be calculated. Very chess-like. Wealth or the legacy of a native and their possessions will be threatened or at risk when one has this placement. The enemy will display an austere persona. Could even be the father, grandfather, great grandfather, etc. Masculinity is involved here. Disappointment and criticism are extreme themes they’ll subject you to. This is how you’ll figure out who they are. They’ll be cold, want control, or be controlling. EXTREMELY negative. They’ll also be greedy or attempt to hold a native back from success, prosperity, or independence. Maturity will be inhibited. Opportunities thwarted. But they’ll mask it all under “wanting the best for you.” The enemy could even be an individual's lack of exploration or their own self-repression. They could cause themselves to be too hard on themselves which could lead them into self-imposed depression. They must learn to be free. LIVE.

Aquarius/Uranus in the 12th

Hidden foes and/or enemies can be erratic. They’ll operate in a very unpredictable manner. Their behavior will be exciting so it may be hard to recognize it at first. They may appear out of the blue. The nemesis might attack a native’s individuality and freedom. They may cause chaos and disruptions in your life. The enemy may not respect your individuality or differences and/or freedom. They’ll disapprove of the unique way of life your lead. [Look at Saturn as well as Uranus]. Your freedom will always be a threat to theirs and vice versa. Look out for those who seem “out there” and who try to coax you into avant-garde ways of doing things. It may not always be in your best interest. You could wind up with sudden breaks, accidents, unpredictable events because of them. They may cause disruptions to your security or cause so much confusion they can cause severe damage to your psyche [Uranus can also rule intelligence and mental dealings]. They’ll be recognizable as the “rebels”. They may not always be the types to intentionally wish you harm but may lead you to it. They’ll be, eccentrics, or anarchists and can lead you astray. Their agenda is to be agents of chaos. Think of the Joker from the Dark Knight. “Do I really look like a guy with a plan?” It will be hard to see. You may even be enthralled. Again this is the 12th house. Lots of instability here. The enemy could even be the individual's need for rebellion which can cause them to get themselves into trouble because they don’t see the threat or danger involved or they simply don’t care.

Pisces/Neptune in the 12th

Hidden foes may have may connections to karma. The feelings will be extremely felt through intuition and psychic insights. You’ll feel them but not really know where they’re coming from. Often there will be a “Nessus/Dejanira” theme going on. The victim and abuser. Often, the native will be the abused. Strong Manipulation. The enemy will make you drink the “Kool-aid”. Their abuse often stems from their own hurt and trauma. They’ll claim they want to heal you or help you. Their “aid” will be cloaked under sympathy and love. Often it is an illusion. In reality, they’re wanting something. Being used can often be a theme. Themes of addiction or drug abuse can live here, too. Think of Bobby and Whitney or even Syd and Nancy. Enabling addictions are very prevalent. Now the enemy may not even be a person but addictions themselves can be the undoing or downfall. One with this placement must be careful in indulging in mind-altering substances. Alcoholism can be an issue as well. If it is an actual individual, the foe can play the martyr or cause you to sacrifice something precious to you. They can play off your insecurities or weakness and keep you emotionally dependent. They can toxic to your spirituality or try to influence your spirituality as well.

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starshine583 · 3 years

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New Girl on the Block (13)

(Happy Valentine’s Day everybody!!! I’d say that this is a gift for the day, but this is my usual update time lol please enjoy the new chapter anyway! There’s also a mini series connected to this called Journal Entries :D)

Ch.1 / Ch.12 / Ch.14 (ao3)

Chapter 13: I’ll Make You a Deal

Lila stalked the halls of Dupont, doing her best to hide her scowl as she massaged her temples. When she offered to take Marinette’s job as Class President, she hadn’t realized how much extra work she was dumping onto herself. She thought that the title was just that: a title. Nothing more. Nothing less. Sure, she would have to verify a few things, acknowledge her classmates’ opinions towards the school system, and speak out about it as a representative towards them, but that was all. She didn’t expect it to rearrange her entire schedule towards life! Her head was pounding from the late nights of filing student complaints, her back ached from carrying this stupid binder around, and her wrist still twinged with pain from signing too many papers at once. It was ridiculous!

Lying to Bustier about those forms didn’t make it any easier either. Instead of getting to make minor additions to the papers Marinette had already written, she now had to rewrite all of the forms herself. The entire process was a nightmare, and Lila couldn’t escape. If she lied again and said that Marinette gave the forms back, that would be glorifying the girl, and she refused to do that. However, if she lied and said that she simply found the forms again, it would not only make her look suspicious, but also incompetent. She couldn’t have either of those descriptions attached to her person.

So, that left her with the agonizing option of filling them out again herself. She tried to push it onto Alya, and for the most part, she succeeded. The red-head filled out a good half before handing them back, but that still left Lila with the other half. Thus, she’s spent the last three nights in a row doing nothing but signing form after form after form. The fact that she had to use Marinette’s forms as reference only made it worse. She could practically hear the ravenette laughing at her every time she glanced over the original paperwork. It was utterly humiliating.

And don’t get her started on the amount of requests or complaints that she had to file. Everyday her classmates came to her asking for this or that or “could you change this about our classroom?”. Sometimes they would talk about the seats being too hard or the fact that they didn’t have enough recess or how the stairs were too far apart and someone could trip. Then- oh, then -there were the class trips. One request was a literal trip to Greece. Greece! Did they think she or the school was just made of money? How can they possibly be this greedy or entitled? How was Marinette able to handle it all so easily? She made it look like it was nothing!

Lila clenched her fists at her side, her nails digging into her skin. Even after running from the school with her tail between her legs, Marinette was still acting as a sharp, irritating thorn in Lila’s side.

Sparkling laughter interrupted her thoughts, and Lila turned to the two boys standing outside of the library entrance. Adrien Agreste, the golden child of the school, and Nino, his little sidekick- as far as Lila was concerned -appeared to be chatting mindlessly on their way back to class, which was typical. Adrien was always talking with somebody now-a-days. That was another problem of hers.

When Marinette first left, Adrien became distraught and distant. He began muttering to himself and not listening in class, dismissing everyone with a hum and a nod. The other students berated him for the behavior, wonderfully captured in Lila’s beautifully crafted web of words, but he hardly heard them. Or if he did, he didn’t care. He continued to write things in his notebook that certainly weren’t lesson notes and run his hand through his hair with frustration when he hit some sort of wall.

It was irritating, of course, but nothing Lila hadn’t expected. Marinette was supposed to be his “very good friend”, after all. She would have been surprised if he hadn’t mourned the loss. What she didn’t anticipate, though, was the way he bounced back.

It had to have happened a little over two weeks after Marinette left, because Lila remembered finally starting to feel comfortable in her new role of being able to lie unchallenged. She was spewing some crap about Marinette sending her mean messages, making sure her tears looked real enough and her sobs were believable, when Adrien decided to jump into the conversation. He flashed her a bright smile and, in the kindest voice she’d ever heard, asked her for the texts that Marinette had sent.

The question alone had surprised her, considering the fact that he hadn’t really spoken to anyone in a while, but that smile he held was really the thing to set her on edge. It was simply too sweet-looking for someone who had just indirectly asked for proof of her story, especially when they both knew that she was lying.

She couldn’t understand the change. He’d been cowering in the corner for the last two weeks, and yet that day, he was out for blood on her account. Why? What was the difference between the last two weeks and that day? She still doesn’t know.

Adrien’s determination towards outing her cranked up to eleven after that . He went from barely talking to one person throughout the day to talking with everyone on a constant basis, and anytime Lila so much as uttered a sentence, he was there asking questions. When did she do this, who helped her with that, how did she manage to get from one place to the other so quickly- from a naïve onlooker’s point of view, Adrien would simply appear to be interested in Lila’s stories, but she knew better. He was finding holes in her stories and using them to rip apart her words piece by piece, all while using an innocent yet confused expression to make it seem like he was trying to help her. The strategy was completely different from Marinette’s, and it ticked Lila off to no end. How was she supposed to turn crowds against him and regain her throne if he kept acting like some pure-hearted angel?

She couldn’t. She knew she couldn’t, and he knew that she couldn’t, because that’s the exact same tactic that eventually got Marinette to leave the school.

A part of her had hoped that this newfound passive-aggression would fade after a few days, but now that three weeks of constant badgering on Adrien’s account has passed, that hope has been thoroughly and relentlessly crushed. He hasn’t done much over those weeks, thankfully, but she’s had to reinforce her lies ten times the normal amount to keep it that way. That’s a tad hard to do when all of your stories are on the grand scale of things.

Even with her meticulous planning and words choices, though, one can’t escape subtle confrontation forever. She could tell that people were slowly starting to become suspicious of her stories. They were either wanting Adrien to be around during their discussions with her or were looking for holes themselves.

Watching them exchange glances during her stories made her blood boil. Why did they have to be so nosy? So picky? Can’t she have a reprieve for once in her entire life? Can’t she just lie and manipulate others without the fear of getting caught? Why did that feel like such a big request from the universe?

Adrien and Nino waved to each other, and Lila perked up. It looked like they were separating. Were they separating? Oh, please be separating. That would be the most convenient thing to happen to her all month.

Adrien split off from Nino, to her delight, and Lila beelined after the blond. His meddling had gone on long enough, and she thought it was high time someone put an end to it. That someone being her.

“Adrien!” Lila cooed, looping her arm with his and flashing a bright smile. “It’s been forever since we’ve talked just one on one, don’t you think?”

Adrien’s steps faltered, and for the briefest of moments, she saw his eyes darken. Nobody else would have noticed, especially not with the friendly smile he gave her right after, but Lila caught it. She was the only one who realized how truly despicable the model could be.

“Oh, hey Lila.” He replied with an easy, clearly fake smile. “I guess we haven’t talked alone in a while. You normally like to be at the center of the crowd.”

Lila tried not to grit her teeth and instead elected to flip her hair over her shoulder. “Well, I wouldn’t say the center. I’m just being myself, and the others seem to follow.”

Adrien hummed. “Yes, I’m sure you're a wonderful role model for all of us. It isn’t everyday we get the courtesy of having an honest and kind friend like you.”

His sarcasm was palpable, but his shining smile remained. A part of her wondered why he even bothered acting at this point. They both knew they were at war now. Niceties were only necessary when someone was clueless towards hidden motives. Adrien wasn’t, and neither was she, yet here they were. Smiling and trading snide remarks in the privacy of the empty locker room.

Lila put on a bashful expression. “Oh, please-”

“Of course,” Adrien interrupted her, “there was also Marinette. She was always ready to help someone. It’s a shame she had to transfer schools.”

Lila bit the inside of her cheek to avoid sneering. There he goes again, mentioning that ridiculous baker girl. It’s so infuriating.

“Even though she was a bully? I’m sorry, Adrien, but I don’t think you should forgive someone so easily. They’ll walk all over you if you give them too much leeway.”

Adrien slipped- or rather jerked -his arm out of Lila’s grasp as he exchanged some of his books. “You’d know all about that, wouldn’t you?”

Ah, there it is. That might have been the first genuine comment he’s made during this discussion.

“What was that?” She asked with feigned politeness.

Adrien straightened and gave her another innocent smile. “Oh, nothing. I was just wondering if this could all be a big misunderstanding? The phone number that was terrorizing you wasn’t Marinette’s, after all. If you were.. mistaken.. on that story, perhaps you missed something in your other stories. Don’t you think so?”

Lila forced a smile so wide that her cheeks started to hurt. Was this his way of giving her an out? A last chance of mercy? Because if it was, she refused to take it. She’s built this kingdom with nothing but her bare hands, and she’d be darned if she decided to lie down and let him take it away just as quickly.

“I can’t say I do.”

Adrien closed his locker, a certain glint coming to his eyes when he looked at her. “Well.. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see what I find. Won’t we?”

Rage crackled through Lila’s bones as Adrien walked past her, but she caught herself before doing anything rash. If she was going to counter Adrien’s sudden attacks, she needed to make a deal with him and get him off of her back just long enough to plan. And to do that, she needed to promise him what he apparently wanted most.

“What if it wasn’t her?”

Adrien stopped in the doorway, and Lila held her breath.

“..Because it wasn’t her,” he corrected, “I’ll be hoping that she comes back.”

Lila drew in a deep breath, if only to avoid screaming. Marinette, Marinette, Marinette- Why did he have to have to be so infatuated with Marinette? What could she possibly have that made Adrien want to fight against the whole school to get her back?

“Alright..” She said, completely calm. “Say you were right. If it happened to turn out that Marinette wasn’t the one responsible and I convince her to come back, will we all be able to get along?”

Bile rose to her mouth as she spoke. The very thought of running back to Marinette and asking her to come back to Dupont made Lila’s stomach churn, but this was fine. She was only promising to bring Marinette back. Promises can easily be broken.

Adrien smiled, but not like the fake, warm smiles he’d been giving her throughout their conversation. No, this one was sharp, predatory, as though he could see right through her words.

“See you in class, Lila.”

The “golden child” left the locker room then, and Lila finally gave in to her frustration and let out a growl. This was supposed to be her victory, her turf, and yet she can’t even enjoy it anymore because Adrien freaking Agreste decided to meddle in business that wasn’t his. He knew that the only reason she was willing to compromise was because he was getting to her, and that burned her up inside.

She drew in another deep breath and smoothed out her miniature ponytails. This was fine. Everything was fine. Adrien might be deciding to join the squabble a tad later than usual, but Lila invented this game. If he wanted to try his hand at her tactics and strategies, fine. He would soon realize why she was able to climb to the top in the first place.

~~~~~~~

Marinette stared out the car window with awe as they drove up the street towards Allegra’s estate. In the week that led to the group sleepover, Marinette had racked her brain day and night trying to decide what the mansion would be like. How tall would it be? How wide? Would it take up an entire street or a small square of Paris like Gabriel’s? Would there be butlers running around like in the movies or would there be a simple maid or two to keep things moving? Perhaps there wouldn’t be any hired hand at all? The excitement and anticipation made her buzz and bounce through the last few school days at Rosemary, but she refused to ask any questions during the wait for winter break. Marinette wanted the mansion to be a complete surprise. And now that she was finally here, sitting in the backseat of Allegra’s miniature limo and practically pressing her face against the window, she couldn’t be happier with that decision.

Mansions of all kinds lined the sidewalks, bigger and more elegant than she could have ever imagined. Some had marvelous fountains, while others had incredible gardens. Some had amazing walls with ingrained art that lined the premises, and one mansion even had horses grazing on their front lawn! It made her wonder why Gabriel would build his mansion in the middle of the city, or if any of these mansions might belong to Claude, Allan, or Felix.

Near the end of the street rested a long brick wall that had elaborate, white statues decorating the major corners. Marinette guessed immediately that that was Allegra’s mansion, because the wall wrapped around an enormous white house that had silver railings for the balconies and blue-ish grey tiles for the rooftops, quite contrary to the golds and dark browns that came with the other mansions. It was beautiful in its simplicity, and that seemed like something Allegra would enjoy, even if the house belonged directly to her parents.

Sure enough, the car rolled to a stop in front of the black metal gate that the brick walls led to, and the driver told Marinette to stay put as he hopped out of the vehicle. She watched quietly as he unlocked the gate by hand using a personal key and quickly found herself wiggling in her seat when he started pushing the gates open. They were so close! Allegra’s mansion was right there! If they didn’t start moving again in two seconds, Marinette might just jump out and start running.

The driver got back into the car with a small apology for the inconvenience- to which she assured him that it was fine through barely contained squeals -and they continued through the gate at a leisure pace, which killed Marinette inside. She wanted to get into the mansion now!

In an effort to remain still, her eyes flicked around the front lawn of the estate. The driveway they had pulled into appeared to be a full circle, looping around an intricate water fountain that spouted bursts of water in such a way that made the water look as though it were dancing. Diamonds of dark green grass cut through the concrete in the driveway, leading to the rest of the vibrant grass on the lawn, and a delightful mix of bushes and flowers lined the inside of the brick wall as well the outside of the mansion. It struck Marinette as quaint and refined at the same time, and her respects went out to the person- or persons -responsible for designing and maintaining the look.

Finally, the limo parked in front of these wide, marble steps that led to the front door, and the driver barely had time to open Marinette’s back door before she leapt out with her bags in her arms. If the outside was this luxurious, she couldn’t wait to see how breathtaking the inside would be.

“Thanks for the ride, sir!” She called over her shoulder as she hopped up the steps two-by-two.

“Oh, miss-!” The man yelled after her. “May I take your bags?”

Marinette skidded to a halt and turned around, ready to politely decline his offer, when another voice spoke up behind her.

“No need, Louis! I’ve got them.”

Marinette whirled back around, coming face to face with Allegra, who was now standing in the doorway with a bright smile.

The blonde reached forward to take the bags with one hand, while giving Marinette a side hug with the other. “I’m so happy you’re here! This is going to be great.”

“I know! I’ve been waiting for this all week! Your house looks amazing.”

A grin spread across Allegra’s lips, and she pulled back from the hug in favor of grabbing Marinette’s hand. “If you like it now, just wait till you see the inside.”

The two girls waltzed inside together, but as soon as she entered, Marinette couldn’t help gasping and breaking away from Allegra to run further into the house. Tiled, marble floors stretched out before her, seemingly farther than the street she had just driven down, and on the other side of the bigger-than-life foyer was a set of large, open windows that touched from the floor of the first level to the ceiling of the second level. They overlooked the backyard, which was equally as enchanting as the front yard, and a part of her had the urge to sit down and stare at them wistfully for a good hour or two.

To her left and right were a pair of long, curved stairs that led to the second floor. They matched the marble tiles on the first floor and had beautiful, metal railings that curled and twisted into different types of flowers and leaves. The railing also trailed off to the open hallways above, where Marinette could see different types of doors lined up. Her restless brain wanted to skip up the stairs, brush her hand across the smooth, black railing, and explore each and every room possible.

Her gaze dragged up to the ceiling, and her jaw fell slack yet again as she realized exactly how high the building was. The circular sunroof that signified the center of the ceiling felt higher than the Eiffel Tower itself, and Marinette was certain that if she called out, it would take at least five seconds to hear her voice echoing back to her.

“Well?” Allegra asked next to her. “What do you think?”

“What do I think?” Marinette blanched. “Allegra, this is incredible! Do you really live here?”

A musical laugh came from the blonde, and she nodded. “Yep. Ever since I was five. Come on, I’ll give you a tour!”

They made their way to the stairs, and Marinette eagerly ran her hand across the cool railings as she continued to look around. She couldn’t believe how astonishing everything looked. It was as though they’d taken the finest jewels and rocks on earth and merged them together to create this mansion. How did they even afford all of this?

“What did you say your mom did again?”

Allegra glanced over at her. “My mom? She’s a-”

“Hey!”

The two girls paused mid step and looked up at the open hallway. Claude stood just above them, leaning over the railing and waving with a wide grin. Allan stood behind him, also offering the girls a friendly smile as a greeting.

“Is that Marinette?” Claude called.

“Yep! She just got here.”

“Sweet!” The brunette cheered. He dashed from his place upstairs and, once he got a good enough momentum, jumped to a stop, using his socks to slide the rest of the way to the stairwell. “We’ve been waiting forever for you to show up!”

Marinette giggled and ran up the rest of the stairway to give Claude a hug. “I got my clothes together as fast as I could.”

“Oh, you’re good.” Allan assured as he came to join them. “You’re technically early anyway.”

“I thought I was.” Marinette remarked, pulling away from Claude to give Allan a small hug as well. “Is Felix here too?”

“Nope, it’s just us right now.” Claude answered with a smile. “We already had clothes here from previous sleepovers.”

“They practically have their own personal closets at this point.” Allegra snorted. Then, she gave Marinette a playful nudge. “And soon, so will you.”

Marinette smiled. She wasn’t sure that she even had enough clothes to fill another closet, but it didn’t stop her from feeling giddy towards receiving one. Having a personal closet at Allegra’s meant she would be coming over much more often, and that was something she desperately wanted to do at this point.

“Have you shown her around yet?” Claude asked.

“Nope. I was gonna show her my room first, though, so I can put her bags down in there.”

“Oh, good idea.” The brunette remarked, taking the opportunity to snag Marinette’s bags from Allegra’s hands. “Let’s go! You’re gonna love it, Mari.”

With everyone together- save for Felix -the group eagerly clambered down the hallway that Claude and Allan had previously been in. The black railway from the staircase continued to twist down the hall next to Marinette, and when it finally stopped at a wall, Claude stopped at a doorway to his right. Glittering stickers arched across the door, spelling out the word “Allegra”.

“Those are from when I was, like, nine.” Allegra commented, a hint of a blush on her cheeks as she opened her bedroom door.

Marinette was about to say that it was fine- she actually found the lettering to be endearing -but any form of words or replies were lost on her when she saw the bedroom for the first time.

Everything was covered in light purples and white, with occasional bits of gold and light blue to accent the room. An enormous, deep purple bed with swirling, golden patterns sat in the center, holding pillows that were bigger than Marinette’s bed alone and a comfort that looked fluffier than her warmest ear-muffs. A pair of blue, see-through curtains wrapped around the bed as well, reminding her of something a princess might own.

Across the room- which was twice the size of her little attic bedroom -were two white shelves that stretched from wall to wall and floor to ceiling. They held various things such as books, notebooks, miniature glass statues, and plenty of other trinkets that struck Marinette as charming. She wondered how long it must have taken Allegra to collect such things, or if she bought them all in one go as she decorated her room. There were even a few crystal wind-chimes hanging around the room.

“This is..” Marinette wasn’t sure what it was as she walked inside, star-struck. The girl even had her own chandelier, for Pete’s sake! Then there was the massive vanity with a million different types of eyeshadow- all aligned perfectly in an orderly fashion -and the massive desk on the other side of the room that had a fancy paperweight and a nice, little trinket to hold all of Allegra’s pencils and such for school. Don’t get her started on the chair hanging from the ceiling that looked equally fancy and comfortable.

“Do I really get to sleep in here?” She eventually asked instead. Words couldn’t describe her thoughts on the room or how it looked like something out of a daydream.

Allegra laughed. “Yep! We’re actually going to be spending most of the night here.”

“After we go swimming, of course.” Claude added as he set Marinette’s bags down in the walk-in closet.

Marinette’s eyes widened at the remark. She’d almost forgotten why she came here in the first place. “Where is the swimming pool?”

“It’s downstairs.” Allegra answered. “I can’t wait for you to see it. We have a water slide and everything.”

Marinette would have gasped, but after what she’s seen so far, she wouldn’t be surprised if they had their own personal zoo. “Can we go see it?”

“Absolutely!” The blonde smiled, looping her arm with Marinette’s. “But first, we need to finish our tour.”

The group made their way out of Allegra’s room and started exploring each door they passed. Claude, Allan, and Allegra took turns explaining each room’s purpose to Marinette, and she absorbed their words as best she could. Most of the time, though, she was lost in her thoughts, completely awed by the structure of the household.

Each room appeared to be bigger than the last, and some of them had Marinette nearly falling over from the amount of money that had to have gone into the décor. There were offices and dining halls and bigger bedrooms for Allegra’s parents. Then there were game rooms with pool tables and living rooms with couches that stretched around the entire room so everyone could see each other. Vases and sculptures lined the hallways and hid in the corners while extensive family portraits littered walls and held personal places on overly huge fireplaces.

In a word, the entire mansion was extravagant, especially for a three-person family, but despite the overwhelming amount of space, Marinette could feel the warmth and familial love of each room. A multitude of memories resided in the walls, and she couldn’t wait to hear all of them.

One room in particular caught her attention the most.

“What is this place?” Marinette asked as she walked into another wide-spread room. Musical instruments of all kinds littered the area- harps, violins, cellos, pianos, guitars, mandolins, and other things she couldn’t even name. They all appeared to be in mint condition, so clean that she could see her reflection in them, and the little kid in Marinette wanted to run around and try each one of them.

“This,” Allegra said next to her, “is our music room.”

“Music room..” Marinette whispered as her hand ran over a pair of literal bongos. “Can you actually play all of these?”

Claude snorted behind them. “She definitely wishes she could.”

Allegra scoffed and smacked his arm with a playful glare.

“No, I can’t play all of them.. But I’m working on it.”

“Wow.” Marinette muttered. That had to be time consuming. Where did she find the drive to keep practicing all of these?

“..Can I touch them?”

“Oh, yeah! Touch them all. Go crazy. I can even teach you how to play a little tune for some of them if you want.”

Marinette lit up. “Can you really?”

Allegra chuckled. “Of course. We have all night, don’t we?”

Marinette had to bite her tongue to avoid squealing again, and she promptly darted off to try everything she could. Any strings and keys would be briefly plucked and pressed before being cast away for the next instrument. She would thump on the drums and blow on the tubas and, occasionally, she would stop to try a few simple tunes on an instrument that sounded especially enchanting to her.

After about thirty minutes of this heaven- there were a lot of instruments -someone knocked on the doorframe at the front of the room, gathering the group’s attention.

A man with light brown hair stood in the doorway, offering an easy, yet apologetic smile. “I hope I’m not interrupting.”

Allegra, who had been teaching Marinette how to play the Panda Drum, hopped up from her position on the floor to greet him with a hug. “Not at all! I was just showing Marinette around the house. Mari, this is my dad, Arthur. Dad, this is Marinette, my friend from school that I’ve been telling you about.”

Marinette set the drum aside and stood up as well. “It’s nice to meet you, M. Chanson.”

“Oh, please.” M. Chanson held up a dismissive hand. “Just call me Arthur. Or even Uncle Arthur, if you like.”

A soft smile spread across Marinette’s lips, and she nodded. He sounded exactly like Maman when someone new came to their house.

“Anyway, I just came by to drop off the last bit of your group. He found me in the kitchen while looking for you.” Arthur said. He then stepped to the side to reveal none other than Felix, who had apparently been standing behind him the whole time.

Marinette perked up at the sight of the blond. “Oh, Felix! You’re here!”

“Here late.” Claude added with a smirk.

Felix shot him a look. “I’m not late. I told you all that I wouldn’t quite be here at the same time as everyone else.”

“Telling us that you’re going to be late doesn’t mean that you weren’t late.” Allegra pointed out. “It just means that you were considerate about your tardiness.”

Felix narrowed his eyes at her, knowing she was correct, and Marinette pursed her lips to avoid laughing, because she also knew that Allegra was correct.

“So I see you’ve been showing her my instruments?” Arthur cut in, redirecting the conversation.

Marinette’s eyes widened. “These are your instruments?”

Arthur chuckled. “Yep. In fact, I taught Allegra everything she knows.”

“You mean you can actually play all of them?”

“Well, some better than others,” The man responded with a half shrug, “but yeah. I’m honestly a little disappointed that A didn’t come get me when she showed you the room.”

Allegra winced. “Oh, sorry, Dad. I wasn’t thinking about it.”

“That’s amazing..” Marinette remarked, dumbfounded. She couldn’t imagine having enough memory to know how each individual instrument was played.

Arthur tilted his head back and forth with a hum. “I wouldn’t say amazing. A lot of these instruments are extremely similar to how they’re played, and at some point, once you’ve learned enough, you start to realize that a lot of music has a certain order to it. When you know that order, it makes playing a lot easier.”

“Oh, don’t be modest.” Allegra scolded. “Who else can play almost all of the instruments of the world and memorize any new instruments within a week?”

Before Arthur could respond, Allegra turned to Marinette with a proud smile and continued.

“Dad’s able to combine these instruments like no one I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen a lot. It’s like he’s memorized every string, key, or chord possible! He’s even written songs for us too. Some of them are just funny little melodies to go with Claude’s acts, but others are full songs that he performs for me and Mom. Sometimes, when Mom’s stressed, he’ll sing or play for her to help her relax. I personally think that the songs he writes then are the best ones.”

The more she talked, the more bashful Arthur became, and Marinette couldn’t help cooing at the man. The thought of someone writing songs for the person they loved and singing them when that person felt down brought a wonderful warmth to her chest. It actually reminded her of another sweet boy she knew, one with blue-tipped hair and a smile that could melt the arctic.

“I have a friend like that.” She decided to say. Why not tell the others about him too? “He has a passion for the guitar and plays songs for me when I feel down too. It’s so calming.”

Something in her tone or expression must have caught their interest, because the group’s attention shifted from Allegra to Marinette in an instant. Before she could ask about the sudden change, Claude slipped an arm around her shoulders, flashing her a sly grin.

“Oh? A friend, you say?” He drawled. “You sound pretty fond of him. What’s his name?”

An involuntary blush crept across Marinette’s cheeks, more so at the implication in Claude’s voice than anything else. After two years of hanging around Alya, with her raised eyebrows and coy smiles, she could tell when someone was trying to accuse her of certain feelings towards another.

“O-Oh. uhm.. His name is Luka.”

“Luka..” Allegra hummed. “I’ve never heard you mention his name before.”

“And I’ve never seen her blush like that before, either.” Claude teased. “You’re not being very subtle, Nette.”

Marinette felt her blush deepen, even though they both knew she was easily flustered. She’s probably blushed a million times in the month that she’s known them, and most of those blushes were definitely darker than the one she was wearing even now.

Her gaze flicked to Felix, curious as to what he thought on the matter. His expression remained neutral, though she spotted a bit of intrigue in his eyes. It didn’t help with her guilt towards the comments.

Then again, why should she feel guilty? Even if she did like Luka, that wouldn’t affect anyone here. There was no reason to be ashamed.

Nevertheless, she still wanted to slip her way out of getting teased, so she jokingly rolled her eyes and said, “You guys said we were going to go swimming, right? Felix is here, and it’s getting dark so we should probably change before it gets too late.”

“The pool is indoors.” Claude helpfully reminded. “It doesn’t matter how late it gets.”

“But that was a good try at dodging, though.” Allegra smirked.

A squeak flew from Marinette’s lips before she could stop it, and the trio shared a laugh.

“Come on, guys.” Allan lightly scolded. “If you keep messing with her like this, she might spontaneously combust.”

Another laugh tumbled from Claude’s lips before he let out a dramatic sigh. “Alright, fine. I guess we can go swimming now.”

“Marinette has to cool off, anyway.” Allegra added with a wink.

Marinette groaned and put her head in her hands, if only to hide her ever-growing blush.

Mental note: Never mention a boy to the group again, because they will probably see right through you when it’s actually serious.

Tag List: @artbyknigit @athena452 @nickristus-dreamer @throneoffirebreathingbitchqueen @arsaem @abrx2002 @neakco @pawsitivelymiraculous @too0bsessedformyowngood @nathleigh @lusicing @officiallydarkgeek @all-mights-asscheeks @tbehartoo @woe-is-me0 @raeuberprinzessin @lazuli-11 @miss-chaos27 @trippingovermyfeet @sadpotatoondrugs @ladybug-182 @jaggedheart11 @marinahrasauce @i-need-blog-ideas @thewheezingbubbledragon @crazylittlemunchkin @unabashedbookworm @moonystars14 @sunflowers-and-mooncakes @2confused-2doanything @magnificentcrapposts @moonnette @nickristus-dreamer @vixen-uchiha @casual-darkness @luxmorningstarr @jjmjjktth @kaithehero @itsme1598 @theymakeupfairies @xjaccyx @miraculous-ninja @miraculouspenta @swiftie-miraculer13 @justafanwarrior @all-mights-asscheeks @ira-sairain @lookatthestars1 @dahjokester @blissful-passing @solangelo252

#felinette #Marinette #Felix Culpa #Quantic Kids #Rosemary AU #New Girl on the Block

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echoaess · 3 years

Text

Anger, in depth.

/!\ trigger warning: mention of ED, self-abuse, verbal abuse, depression and anxiety.

questions about the anger of your character:

What was the event(s) that leads to their anger?

Why is your character angry ? To who or what?

What is the reason your character think they are angry ?

What is hidden behind it ?

What type of anger does they have? How do they deal with it?

types of anger:

assertive anger: using feeling of frustration or rage as a catalyst for positive change.

behavioural anger: reacting physically toward the feeling of anger. often aggressive and can be violent. it might look like breaking/throwing things or physically attacking/intimidating someone. has negative legal and interpersonal impact.

chronic anger: ongoing and general sense of resentment of other people. sense of nagging and perpetual irritation, can have impact on health and well-being.

judgemental anger: reaction to a perceived injustice or someone else's shortcoming. core belief that they are either better/less than other.

overwhelmed anger: occurs when situation or circumstances are beyond their control, feeling of frustration and hopelessness. taken too much responsibility or an unexpected life events have overthrown their capacity to cope with stress.

passive-aggressive anger: emotions displayed as sarcasm, apathy or meanness, self-defeating behaviors which can look like intentionally sabotaging themselves. (hard to notice)

retaliatory anger: response to being confronted or attacked by someone else. motivated by revenge for a perceived wrong. asserting control over a situation, may only escalate tension.

self-abusive anger: shame-based type, negative self talk, self-harm, substance use, or disordered eating.

verbal anger: can be a form of emotional and psychological abuse that deeply hurts the target of one's anger. furious shouting, threats, ridicule, sarcasm, intense blaming/criticism.

volatile anger: seems to come out of nowhere, quick to get upset about big or small annoyances, can be destructive and impact their ability to form and maintain long-term relationship.

causes of anger:

stress,

financial issues,

abuse,

poor social / familial situation,

overwhelming requirements of time and energy

personal problems,

a problem / event caused by someone else,

memories of a traumatic or enraging events,

the anger iceberg:

what is hidden behind the anger: guilt, stress, shame, insecure ect.

body language:

an increased heart rate,

feeling hot/flushed,

shaking,

a clenched jaw,

a dry mouth,

shouting and making loud noises,

staring,

baring teeth,

tense muscle,

intense eyes contact,

furrowed brows,

reddened skin,

clenched fists,

square off in a fighting positions,

finger pointing,

lashing out by destroying objects or attacking someone,

tense body in the torso region, clenching stomach or chest to allow to flight or flee (instinctively).

passive aggressive anger in a character:

being defeatist,

being secretive,

with dispassion,

evasion,

exhibing obsessive behaviors,

manipulation,

self-blame.

aggressive anger in a character:

behaving maniacally,

being physically destructive,

being selfish,

being vengeful,

bullying,

physically / psychologically hurting someone,

showing off.

sources

https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-anger-iceberg/

https://lifesupportscounselling.com.au/resources/types-of-anger-styles-of-anger/

https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/anger/what-does-angry-body-language-look-like/

https://www.bryndonovan.com/2018/01/29/master-list-of-ways-to-describe-anger/

https://www.psychguides.com/anger-management/

https://www.writerswrite.co.za/37-ways-to-write-about-anger/

#writing tips #writing #writing anger #anger #mental health #writing prompt

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thatsillysappho · 3 years

Text

Dear neurotypicals

If you have a problem, tell me. Don't play word games with me. Stop being mad at me when I don't get your passive aggression. Don't expect me to understand the hidden meaning of your words because it hurts. It is so overwhelming when you mean one thing and say the opposite. It is impossible for me to understand your sarcasm. Why can't you just say what you mean?

#autistic feels #undiagnosed autism #actually autistic #undiagnosed neurodivergent #adhd #autistic adult

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dirtycccat · 3 years

Text

things that remind you of them w the demon bros+ (un)dateables

highkey tw for some unhealthy behaviors and uhhhhh maybe sensitive stuff idk just keep that in mind

lucifer

an impromptu orchestra concert in an abandoned church. a forgotten off key piano found at the back of an antique shop. tradition worth more than luxury.

the crackling of fire. glittering glasses of wine. changing a vinyl with naked hands, brushing the dust off its hard body. a cold hand touching the back of your neck in passing. whispered words of affection in the ear of your sleeping beloved.

running on air. falling with your lungs full of fire. trying to rebel against fate, against the inevitable moment the ground will break your bones for trying to cheat the laws of nature and its gods.

the heavy weight of perfection bending you backwards. counting down the moments until it will finally break you. measuring your worth in work, in being good at, in being useful, in being needed.

sticking up with family, with rules, with loyalty despite your own desires. acting like you’re the first but always putting yourself second.

being afraid to dare to be selfish and to love. being scared of your own devouring passions. waiting for your beloved to take the first step and running the whole way to finally meet them.

mammon

the fluttering of wings in the silence of a white september afternoon. a sea of crows watching your every move from atop a nearby building. finding a black feather on the ground and keeping it in your pocket for good luck.

the friction between leather seats and leather jackets. heavy cologne mixed with the scent of sweat and leather. the purr of a motor. finding a half empty pack of cigarettes in the pocket of your old jacket.

winning second place so many times you’ve given up on first. still dreaming of clawing your way onto the top of the podium sometimes.

the heavy burden of capitalism of having your worth monetized. having to constantly show the word you’re worth something. selling your soul for value.

wanting everything you could never have before. overspending, oversharing, overwhelming. being too much but also never enough.

finally being someone’s number one. strong arms holding you while you cry. a reassuring presence, a constant in your life

leviathan

imposter syndrome. feeling like you’ll never fit in, like you’ll never be good enough.

replacing real life with dreams. looking at life from the outside. living inside your head.

playing games until 3 am on a school/work night. letting your passions consume you. still feeling guilty of not doing anything measured in money or public approval. calling all your hobbies guilty pleasures because you still care about what others think despite appearances.

finding comfort in the solace of the ocean. sitting at the bottom of the pool holding in your breath and your tears. crying in the shower. letting the water wash you clean and reborn.

letting someone in. being accepted for what you are and the little you can offer. vast depths hidden by shallow waters.

satan

rage. pure unfiltered rage. the desire to stand up to authority figures. clenched fists, heavy calming breaths, tightly closed eyes. tears of anger, of not being right, of never being good enough or smart enough.

subtle jabs. heavy sarcasm. veiled ironies. cruel eyes and bloody smiles.

putting your nose in a cat’s fur and smelling home. holding a small being full of love and feeling fulfilled. finally feeling like you want to protect and not just destroy.

having to put a book down after reading a certain line that perfectly described that unknown feeling you’ve had all your life. rereading the same line again and again and feeling the knot in your heart and stomach loosening. knowledge as power turned into knowledge as a way of truly becoming yourself turned into a shelter of understanding guarding you from the anger.

swearing in other languages under your breath. reciting poetry aloud by candlelight while drunk on wine and desire. heavy whispers full of hot meanings in the ear of your lover during dinner in languages spoken only by you two.

finally getting the happy ending you’ve always read about. finding your anchor. being a better you for your beloved. improving and helping each other with their shortcomings. balancing each other.

asmodeus

perfectly done make up that had you wake up 2 hours earlier than the others. using concealer to hide a pimple or any imperfection. pants too tight to walk in. the sound of heels in an empty hallway.

caressing your desire while taking a hot bath. focusing on carnal needs, on your senses, on what you feel, on the present. drunk kisses. flirting with strangers at moonlit bars. red lipstick stains on blushing necks.

drinking a glass too many despite the warning in your head. drinking to forget yourself. drinking to escape your fears, your inhibitions, your shortcomings. drinking to become the perfect you the others always expect to see you as. but also drinking to be selfish and feel good for yourself and yourself only.

the sad knowledge you’ll never be the best ever again. being compared to others and ending up comparing yourself to them. knowing your worst enemy is yourself, but trying to hide that fact with mean jokes and confident airs. feeling afraid of being known, but even more afraid of having no one knowing the real you.

beauty at a price. happiness sold for beauty. cruel beauty that devours its worshippers.

the reassuring hands of a stranger holding your hair as you let it all out, the alcohol and the guilt. crying with your head on the cool toilet porcelain after you came home from a party that you thought would help you escape.

help and love coming from where you least expect it. noticing the little things. noticing the person behind the character.

beelzebub

an unknown hunger gnawing at your insides. trying to fill the empty inside but always choosing the wrong meal.

feeling satisfied after a good meal on a good day, feeling bursting on a bad one. devouring until you can’t. still feeling empty, still needing to fill yourself up but knowing it is useless.

feeling breathless and weightless after a run. being high on adrenaline and feeling like you can do anything. the smell of a sweaty used gym and leather boxing gloves.

falling in love so slow and easy it feels like a meeting in the middle of an already drawn path.

belphegor

living just to pass the time. living for others. living but forgetting how to live. being told to do better, to be better, to just get up and do something.

sleeping in. falling asleep at 6 am after a night of insomnia. hearing the world wake outside when inside you’re just going to bed.

strong emotions with no release. feeling full without escape. dark humor. saying too much, revealing too much, being to much so you hide.

getting away with shit because you’re the smallest and feeling no guilt.

the feel of fresh bedsheets. being covered in a blanket just right. feeling warm and protected in the comfort of your room.

love that comes like a question and an answer. love that feels heavy despite it’s light.

diavolo

a commanding tone bringing silence to a room. respect earned justifying the respect you were born with.

luck of birth. being born with a silver spoon. being sheltered, being always different, being untouched by the world outside and its people.

being born with a burden. accepting your prescribed fate. believing in legends and asking yourself if you’re the hero or the villain of your own story. realizing that life is more complicated than fairytales.

abandoned castles. ivy walls and moss floor. a lit figure at the window of an empty mansion. the creaking of old staircases at night when you’re home alone. feeling like you’re from another time.

a strong hand squeezing your thigh under the table. the reassuring warmth of your lover’s presence in a time of need. being loved and not just desired. finally being touched where it matters.

barbatos

unwavering loyalty. living to serve. giving up on your individuality.

a shadow following you at night while you walk back home. sharp eyes locked onto yours from across the room.

passive aggressiveness. hiding behind a smile. an impenetrable facade of public politeness.

the ennui of knowing too much, of living the same day, of being hungry for a breakthrough. knowledge as a burden but also as a gift.

knowing everything about others but no one knowing anything about you. making small thoughtful gestures that remind others of your deep knowledge of their habits and wants.

finally being noticed and seen for yourself alone. getting the surprise you were craving. being taken care of.

simeon

living different lifetimes through your writing and through books.

the smile of a pretty stranger in the train that will forever visit your dreams.

a handwritten message in cursive on the fridge. a hastily written poem on the back of a receipt.

being the outsider. the watcher. being the director of the play of your life and not the actor.

tea that s just hot enough to warm your insides. falling asleep on an armchair with a book in your hand. sunkissed skin. the softness of summer. the fluttering of invisible wings.

ageless wisdom.

rewriting a cursed tale of history. going against tradition. trying to carve your happy ending. succeeding.

solomon

knowledge coming at the price of youth and life.

a thirst to know. devouring books. staying up until 5 am reading. eyes burning dry. feeling like you’re still not doing enough. head full of little nothings. feeling like you will never know anything however much you try read or learn.

notes in the margins of a book you took from the public library. wondering who is the person behind the words. fleeting attachments to the wrong people for the wrong reasons.

being the outcast. the kid at the back of your class reading a russian novel in the original language underneath the table during math class.

a house in the middle of the woods with smoke coming from its chimney. rituals in the dark. wet moss on your soles, the moon lighting up your eyes. the silence of night on a full moon.

whispering prayers and praises to the earth under your breath as you go. feeling drunk on fire. noticing the magic around you. kissing the earth. finally grasping the knowledge you sold your soul for. asking yourself if it was really worth it and having no answer.

love as an adventure. finally feeling and not thinking. giving up on reason and embracing your heart’s guidance.

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