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fangsandfeels · 8 months

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I've seen the "Non-ascended Astarion ending is bad for him because you have to persuade him to reject the ritual" opinion...

..implying that he never really wanted not to ascend, it's you the player who selfishly forces him to give up on his goal. To prove their point, they state that you can get a good ending out of all other companion's quests without using Persuasion at all, except for Astarion.

And boy did I want to talk about this...

(In fact, everything I wanted to say has already been told in this amazing meta post, but I still gotta ramble)

First of all, Astarion was going through an intense PTSD. The game gave him a debuff to show how badly going back to the place of his torment was affecting him. Larian couldn't make it more obvious that he wasn't thinking clearly.

Second, there is one thing all abusers have in common: they destroy their victim's feelings of self-worth to the point, the victim no longer wants or knows how to ask for help or have relationships outside their abusive circle.

Who would want you like this? Look at yourself, you think you're better than me? You're nothing. Who would want to waste their time on you? You think somebody else would treat you better?

Since entering the Cazador's palace, Astarion is reliving his worst moments. Initially, he takes it in stride, hiding his discomfort underneath performative and emotional expressiveness. He talks about how he spent time in the bedrooms where he never did any sleeping, about the kennels where he was tortured, about the barracks where he was sent to when he "deserved neither carrot nor stick". Bad memories, but he shares them with Tav because he trusts them with his scars already. They might as well know the rest.

But after descending into the dungeon, Astarion starts spiraling into self-loathing at a break-neck speed. He used to think that all Cazador victims he ever brought to him were long gone, drained, and discarded. A horrible, undeserved death, yet the thought of them not having to suffer for too long was a small consolation, one of the threads holding his sanity together.

But then it turns out that they weren't dead. They were turned. Locked away deep underground, alone with their new selves, with the hunger and isolation. They did suffer. All these years, they suffered, buried in this tomb - because of him. Cazador may have turned them, but it was Astarion who brought them to him. And they remembered it. They recognized him. The monster who stole them from their home. The monster who ruined their life. Monster. Just like Cazador.

So, as if his PTSD wasn't enough, this revelation was another blow to his grip on himself, his perception of himself. His confident facade was shattering - and in his head, he was starting to think that Tav's idea of him, of who he is, was shattering as well. He tried to warn them before. He said he couldn't be what they saw in him. Whatever person they believed him to be had never existed - and Tav was finally coming to realize that as they walked through the gallery of his sins, looking his victims in the eyes and hearing out what they had to say. Of course, Tav hated him now. They had to. How could they not?

So, at the end, he is scared. Terrified. He bit off more than he could chew by walking into the manor and thinking he had only six fellow spawns to deal with. He saw their lives as a small price to pay because Cazador made sure to erase any solidarity between them. He made them torture each other and compete with each other. He twisted the very meaning of family bonds to his perverted liking, and he knew that by doing so, he would make sure every single one of them would get a whiplash from anyone trying to mention family in a positive connotation. Astarion takes no issue with getting rid of his "brothers" and "sisters" because he is fully aware that had the roles been reversed, they would have sacrificed him without a second thought. And he was certain that Tav would change their mind once they learned more about his brethren.

But the spawns in the dungeon...All the faces he remembered. All the lovers he lured. They did nothing wrong. They never hurt him. They never tortured him. Their only mistake was to trust him.

The revelation horrifies him. His first response is to be shocked, overwhelmed with emotion - and then he has to remind himself that sacrifices must be made. He feigns indifference. He tries to cover his internal conflict with gallows humor. But his flippant mask keeps slipping as he lapses from indifference to anger, to guilt, to begging Tav not to hate him as his greatest crimes glare back at him and claw at him, shouting out threats and seething with hatred.

He can't bear the thought of dealing with all the people whose lives he helped to destroy. He can't do anything for them. Just killing Cazador won't undo what he did to them. He will never be anything but a monster in their eyes. And this is what he deserves to be. He will always be reminded of what he is.

He has no choice but to do the Ritual.

He has no idea what will happen to him after he is done - he isn't a planner. He has never been. But at this point, he doesn't see his soul as something worthy of preserving - and by association, he extends that to other spawns. He knows it all too well because he remembers how it felt. He dissociates, projecting everything he hated about himself onto Cazador's victims, trying to rationalize why he should live and why they must die while he actively avoids the truth.

Completing the ritual is no longer about being free. Or protecting himself and his lover. It's about running away. Even when Astarion has Cazador at his mercy, he still thinks of running away. Getting lost forever. So nobody could ever hurt him.

A part of him even realizes that it means running away from Tav too. But Tav can leave, he naively thinks, not knowing the full consequences of the ritual. Tav will leave to find someone else, someone better, and he will start everything anew, a king of his castle.

So, of course, Tav has to reach out to him through that thick haze of fear, anger, and self-hatred. Persuasion isn't about strongarming someone into doing what you want. It's not subjugation or emotional blackmail. It's reasoning with someone. And that is exactly what Tav does - reasons with Astarion after watching him mentally struggle, after seeing his genuine shock and fear, after understanding that he isn't fully on board with the idea.

It's true, vampire spawns tend to gravitate toward power, especially if nothing is pulling them back. A vampire spawn is a feared and scorned creature - it no longer matters whether they were an unwilling victim, forcefully taken and turned. They are seen not as an individual but as the extension of their master - and the only natural transition for them is to get on the top of the food chain. The only way to make a name and become treated as something more.

Astarion saw power as the mean to safety and freedom, first and foremost. Ironically, he never planned beyond securing these two priorities. He never saw himself after accomplishing his goals, and it's kinda amazing how people can make conclusions about his hedonism because he misses petty vanities, wants to drink blood from a goblet, and sleep on silken sheets. The man who was held and tortured in the kennels, fed rats, and had to stitch and fix his only set of clothes over and over to keep it presentable, the man who has never felt happy for most of his conscious non-life is called hedonistic for wanting nice things. For still wanting to take care of himself for once.

He wasn't harboring any grand plans, conquests, or schemes. Even his idea of taking control of the Absolute was abstract and shapeless because he didn't care about getting control over the most influential people as much as he was afraid of breaking whatever protected him from Cazador's domination. He never really knew what to do with power aside from keeping Cazador and the likes of him at bay.

The way Astarion behaves in a relationship also speaks tons of how controlling he really is...or how he isn't controlling at all. When his romance with Tav transforms into something real, and he enters a new territory, Astarion is empowered to make decisions and think about what he wants instead of pleasuring others. It's clear that he and Tav don't have sex after they come clear about their feelings. Tav respects his comfort and boundaries, gives him all the time he needs, and lets him take the lead. Whether they will have sex again or not is entirely up to Astarion. Whatever he decides, it won't change Tav's feelings for him. He doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to do.

Astarion enjoys this new autonomy. He is playful, affectionate, outspoken...and afraid of messing everything up. If Tav mentions breaking up, Astarion thinks he is the problem. If there is another potential love interest showing they have eyes for Tav, Astarion encourages Tav to be with them because he believes they can give Tav everything he can't. When Tav says "I choose you," Astarion is taken aback, needing a moment to hide his genuine confusion at Tav actually wanting to be with him rather than Gale, Karlach, or Halsin.

For all his talks of control and dominating others, once Astarion finds himself with a lover who values his autonomy more than getting power at the cost of his dignity, who makes it safe for him to be honest, and who listens to him, he almost stops mentioning control. He merely lives in the moment, happy not to know, not to pretend, not to manipulate. Just to be.

What Astarion truly craves - not wants on a superficial level, not conditioned to want - is not to be a vampire lord. He wants the freedom to be anything. Anything he wants. Little does he know that true vampires rarely get to be anything they want, even if they gain the ability to walk in the sun -- we see it in his Ascended path as, instead of acting up on his supposed freedom to be anything, Astarion repeats Cazador's rules step by step. Just like Cazador did. Just like Verlioth did. He isn't anything he wants. He is the replica of his former master.

Astarion never had the luxury to explore who he wanted to be outside what Cazador made him. He only makes his first steps once he is free. We see glimpses of that deep-seated aspiration to be seen as a person. Treated like a person. Loved like a person. To be reflected in someone's eyes. He wants to know if there is someone beneath his usual mask, something his, not tainted by Cazador. Someone real. And at the same time, he dreads to know the answer. Because that part of him knows regret. Knows shame. Knows guilt. Confronting it posed the risk of realizing he didn't deserve love, kindness, or a future. What if real him truly doesn't amount to anything? What else for him to do?

So, he tells himself that he has no choice, and he expects Tav to affirm it -- not because he wants them to, but because he believes that Tav has seen enough to make the same conclusion. However, Tav objects, trying to be louder than all the inner demons hissing into his ears. Tav speaks to the Astarion, who asked them what they saw when they looked at him. The Astarion, who thanked them for standing by his side when he said "No" to Araj. The Astarion one who stood frozen in their hug before returning it tentatively. The Astarion who diligently, dedicatedly, caringly kept pulling himself together instead of letting himself unravel completely.

Tav reminds him that this Astarion, right here, right now, is worth fighting for. That he didn't survive all these years of torture, pain, humiliation, and dehumanization to give himself up now. He already has the power to avenge himself, avenge all Cazador's victims. He can end everything right here, right now - and this is the only power to free him. He has the power (and responsibility) of having a choice.

Tav empathizes with other spawns as victims not because they're more "innocent" than Astarion, but because associating with them doesn't brand Astarion as weak or broken. These spawns aren't horrible wretches, and neither is he. They don't deserve this, and neither did he.

The only one who deserves to die today is Cazador - the vampire, the monster, the pathetic piece of shit.

Astarion Ancunin deserves to live.

#bg3 astarion #astarion #astarion brainrot #astarion spoilers #they didn't have to make his arc hit so hard as it does #but I'm glad they did #i'm even glad that cazador isn't involved in the plot #fuck this guy

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atinysunbaby · 4 months

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⌛Ateez Matz unit reaction to skinship⌛

- Park Seonghwa, Kim Hongjoong

Warnings : Suggestive, don't read if uncomfortable.

💖Park Seonghwa💖

Since the first day of your relationship, Seonghwa has always been the one to initiate skinship and he's even the one who asked you out. It makes him feel a bit insecure sometimes, because endless worries go through his mind. He wishes you would be clingy and show your love in a way that makes him feel special. He's scared that you don't love him as much as you let it appear and that it's never going to change.

You're shocked to find him outside your apartment during one of his work days, but the first thing he mentions while entering is that he took a day off to come see you. You lead the way inside, getting him a drink and laying out a few of his favorite snacks on the coffee table for him to enjoy.

He starts the conversation and you can see his eyes brimming with tears, voice unsteady. The moment the words come out of his mouth, he bursts out crying. He wanted to confront you and admit that he wants more physical affection from you, but he must be too overwhelmed. It surprises the both of you, but Seonghwa is confused more than anything.

"I don't know why I'm crying." You can't resist his adorable scrunched up face, eyes shining with salty waterfalls and pouty lips. Your instincts take over and you hurry to straddle his laps, tightening your arms around his neck and kissing away his tears before pecking the rest of his face and he starts humming contentedly.

"You must have been so worried. You didn't even know how much it affected you. My poor baby." Seonghwa beams with delight, eyes closing in satisfaction as you continue your ravage on his skin. You hear a few whimpers while leaving hickeys all over his jaw, neck and collarbone. The more you touch him, the redder he gets.

When you finally pull away, admiring your artwork, you fail to notice the flustered expression on your boyfriend's face, but you can't help giggling as you look up. His eyes are dazed and he looks absolutely gone in his own world, it seems almost too complicated for him to gain back his senses.

"Are you with me baby?" He nods dumbly, watching you with adoration, but not being able to utter a word. From then on, you always take the time to show him how much he means to you and he certainly loves every second of it.

💙Kim Hongjoong💙

Hongjoong doesn't like skinship. No, actually he does, but only when it's you. He won't admit it though, especially not in front of other people. At first you figured he would prefer if you didn't try anything, but still make sure to get a few hugs and kisses here and there, because you personally like it.

When you don't give him any type of physical affection, it almost pains him. Until one day he can't take it and ends up accidentally admitting that he craves for your touch. "Come sit here."

Getting ready to watch a movie with him and the rest of ateez, he pat his thighs for you to sit on and it doesn't even register in his mind that he is 'supposed' to hate it. You hesitate for a minute, wondering if he really means it or if he made a joke, but you see the realization on his face and notice that he doesn't back down from his request.

"You comfortable?" You nod and turn sideways to analyse his expression. He wears a satisfied smirk and the hands squeezing your waist lets you know that he enjoys it as much as you do.

Some of the boys decide to start teasing him, swearing that they knew he was whore for your touch and Hongjoong retaliates, clearly bothered by their words. It goes on for a while and you get tired of them being little shits. "Hongjoong?"

His attention is on you almost at the speed of light and it only acts as gasoline on the fire, snickers filling the room followed by Seonghwa scolding his kids and Hongjoong flipping them off angrily.

You feel him shift underneath you and see how bothered he looks, which upsets you too. Hoping to make his mood better, with your hands on both sides of his jaw, you lift his head up and initiate a rather intense kiss.

The second your lips touch, it's dead silent and you can imagine the shock on their faces, the thought riling you up even more. You wanted them to be speechless and it worked, but your main priority is and always will be your boyfriend, who is getting more agitated as time passes.

He's getting bolder, forgetting about the small public you have and you hate to put a stop to his new found hunger, but it's better to continue somewhere else. Pulling away, a trail of saliva connects from your tongues and you press your lips one last time against his to break it.

He's breathing heavily and you both chuckle lightly before turning to face the seven dumbfounded men. There's a certain tension in the air and you feel proud to be the one who made it happen. "You coming Hongjoong? I want you inside of me."

Your boyfriend confidently stands up to grab your hand, leading the way to his room and ignoring the wide eyes and gapping mouths of his bandmates.

Ateez masterlist

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katnisspeetaprim · 1 year

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Late Night Talking

Jungkook/Reader

Summary; Fluff loosely based on the drunk live he did the other day cuz he killed us all with it.

Warnings; established relationships, fluff, swearing, drinking/alcohol, female reader, implied sexual content, (nothing happens) use of noona.

Word count;1136 Masterlist

Jungkook had randomly decided that he wanted to go live...At 2AM, why? You had no idea. He was even doing it without permission, which did make you a little concerned but, what could they really do to punish him at this point?

You didn’t really understand why the live couldn’t have waited till tomorrow, i’s not like he wouldn’t have had time but whatever, plus you were a night owl so you didn’t mind waiting up for him. Not that you had much of a choice either way, considering he had taken over the bedroom.

You were currently sat in the room adjacent to the bedroom, just mindlessly scrolling on your phone as Bam lay next to you. You could hear Jungkook talking and even singing from the next room, you cringed at how loud he got at some points. Hopefully the walls were thick enough so that your neighbours couldn’t hear you. He had been live for over an hour at this point, putting the time at not long past 3AM.

You decided to change tabs on your pone to check up and see what he was actually doing.

‘I have Y/N’s initials in a little heart on my inner arm.’ His tired voice flowed from your phone as he showed his arm. He was showing his tattoos off. This would make ARMY go crazy, you silently chuckled at the thought of them getting what they had been asking for since he first started getting tattooed.

‘Y/N has JK on her for me.’ Your ears perked up at the mention of your name, ‘She also has a little cookie that she got years ago. She’s kinda embarrassed about it.’ He laughed at the last part. Your face heated up as you noticed his chat suddenly speed up after he exposed your secret tattoo.

You groaned as you closed out the app, leaning over to cuddle up to Bam, ‘I’m going to kill your dad.’

Truth is, you were a little embarrassed by the small cookie tattoo on your ribs. You got it not long after you started dating, being the result of a drunken night spent together. Luckily, the two of you had managed to stay together since then, not that it was a difficult task by any means.

Just under an hour had passed since you checked in on him, until you noticed your twitter notifications going more crazy than usual.

‘What the-‘ You were kind of scared to look honestly. Usually when twitter went off like this it wasn’t due to something good, but your face lit up with amusement when you realised what was happening.

(Ignore the time on the tweets)

You had a wide smile on your face as you got up to check on him once gain, Bam not hesitating to follow closely behind you.

‘Kook?’ You slowly pushed the bedroom door open.

‘Ah noona...’ He looked up at you with wide eyes, almost as if he had forgotten you were here. Yeah. He was drunk, you thought to yourself.

‘You ok? You’ve been live for quite a while now.’ You smile at him as you moved closer, Bam way ahead of you, already nestling up against Jungkook who started to scratch his head.

He reached his hand out to grasp your and pull you forward.

‘Come say hi to ARMY.’ Your eyes widened as you realised he wanted you to appear on camera. You swiftly anchored yourself to the floor, not allowing him to move you anymore.

‘Boy it’s pat 4AM! You’re insane if you think I’m getting on camera looking like this!’ You were currently sporting one of Jungkooks oversized t-shirts, using it as a nightgown as it came to your mid thigh, with only your panties underneath, hair pulled into a messy ponytail and face bare. If he were sober, he wouldn’t be so careless to try and get you on camera in your current state of undress, but obviously his judgement was a little clouded right now.

‘You always look beautiful to me though...’ His face dropped slightly at your rejection as yours also softened. Feeling bad, you reached forward and pulled him up by his arm so his face was out of camera view, before leaning in and placing a soft kiss to his lips. As you pulled back, you pushed some of his fluffy hair out of his face before moving to rest your hand on his cheek, him leaning into your touch.

‘I’m gonna lay down in bed, why don’t you come join me soon?’ You tried your best to speak softly to him, in a effort to not be heard by his live stream, but with a quick glance at the screen as you fully pulled away, it confirmed to you that yes, they had in fact heard you.

JUNGKOOK!

Kookie is gonna get some OMG!

Don’t leave us Kook L

Y/N IS A MASSIVE SLUT!

Are we cockblocking JK right now?

OMG guys I cant.....

And so on. You get the picture.

You couldn’t help but laugh as around 10 million people now knew that Jungkook would be getting lucky when he got off live.

He flopped back down in view of the camera, cheeks tinted red with blush at the flood of messages coming in about his sex life.

‘Anyway...’ Jungkook trailed off, trying to change the subject as he once again lay down on his arms, reading the chat.

You laugh to yourself again at how cruel you were to him, but could you push it further?

Before crawling onto the bed you turned back to look at him, causing his eyes to flick up to you. Smirking, you began to slowly lift his shirt from your body and over your head, revealing your naked form to him, with only your lower region covered by a thin pair of panties. You then turned away before laying down on the bed, facing away from him on your front as you played with your phone, just to tease him a little more.

His eyes widened and he sat up a little as he took you in. If he were sober he would have been able to hide his reaction better, alas he was not so now, he was faced with millions of people in his chat, basically demanding to know what he was looking at. He now had to find a way to quickly end the live stream without seeming too suspicious, but that ship had already sailed, as a quick check on twitter revealed to you that #KookieGetsLucky is already trending. You bit your lip as you tried to conceal your laughter.

If he wasn’t already in trouble with the company, then he for sure would be now and it was all your fault. Oh well, worth it.

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an-au-blog · 6 months

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The main difference between kidnapped au Buggy and unclenapped au Buggy is the speed (and way) at which they recover. The relationship between him and Shanks in both alternative cases could not be more different as well.

(for those who are confused: kidnapped au post1, post2, post3, unclenapped post1, post2(more links at the bottom of the post))

K(idnapped)! Buggy is almost souly dependent on Shanks. Even after he remembers Shanks and why he had a grudge with him, he's still too afraid to leave his side. Sure, Shanks (in his eyes) was the reason this happened but he's also his savior and the reason he's out of that hellhole. His fear of the outside world is greater than the anger he harbored.

It's a codependent relationship and everyone can see it. Sure, Buggy grew out of clinging onto Shanks's hand every time they went anywhere, though Shanks still initiates it sometimes. And how could Buggy refuse? Because if he did how could he guarantee that Shanks wouldn't leave him again. (Don't mind the fact that Shanks wasn't the one who left, trauma and extended periods of time can warp one's sense of reality)

K! Buggy has no one else. He would tell Shanks to fuck off, but the moment Shanks actually left him alone for a little, he would have this crippling fear that everyone and everything was out to get him again. And he was as defenseless and and doomed as all those years in the cell.

K! Shanks didn't want to feel so good about being so irreplaceable to K!Buggy. He wanted to feel bad about it, he really did. But the feeling of Buggy only being able to sleeping calmly in his arms was intoxicating.

Meanwhile U(nclenapped)! Buggy had the "getting over trauma deluxe" package all strawhats go through. He was surrounded by his friends and just like Robin in the beginning, he felt cared for, for the first time since he could remember. Of course, just like K!Buggy, U!Buggy couldn't do a lot on his own without the crippling fear taking him over. Or at least that was the case for a while.

When he reunites with Shanks (or I guess when Shanks finds them), he was almost the same bratty boy that he parted with all those years ago. And Shanks is so relieved, thinking that he barely changed. He just didn't know he did change, it's just that he changed twice. He could change for the better thanks to his new nakamas.

update: more unclenapped 3, and 4, and 5, and 6, and 7, and 8, both aus kinda, kidnapped, (now with short fic), (kidnapped fic)

#unclenapped au #kidnapped au #shuggy #shuggy au #buggy x shanks #shanks x buggy #op

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worriedvision · 1 year

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Cyno neglecting the reader because his work is that hectic and he doesn't have a chance to rest at home?

Gender neutral reader, angst with a happy ending.

"Tighnari, do you know where-" You begin to ask, Tighnari shaking his head no. "Oh...Okay. Thanks anyway." You finish, thinking to yourself.

It had been a couple of months since you last saw Cyno, you knew he was a man who had a tough job. He had a dangerous workplace, and he had responsibilities as the General Mahamatra, and you knew he kept you out of his work because of the risk it would bring you. Truth be told, only Tighnari knew you were in a committed relationship with Cyno. He approved of how you treated Cyno after his initial fear you may have been using him for his money or status. He became your friend when you had taken care of a particularly nasty wound Cyno had got, not hesitating out of fear of touching the nasty wound.

When he started to grow distant due to work, you found it confusing. Sure, he was sometimes away for a while, but he always wrote letters to you to reassure you he did love you, but you received absolutely no correspondence. You heard from Tighnari he was doing well, and he did get a short letter regarding how his work was, but Tighnari refused to show you the letter.

"Has he fallen out of love with me?" You croak out quietly, Tighnari's ears twitching in surprise. You take this as a yes, walking away as you return to your cottage home. You hear Tighnari calling for you, but you speed up in response to hearing his concerned yell.

You weren't ready to move on, nowhere near it. You couldn't buy the idea of never seeing Cyno again. If he was to talk to you one last time to break up with you in person, you would have some proper closure from the man himself. You knew better than to assume he would just leave you without having a discussion about losing his feelings, so you could only brace yourself for the inevitable break-up that would come with your boyfriend coming to visit your cottage for the last time.

Your cottage used to be so warm and cozy when it was just yourself, and it got even more comfortable when Cyno had entered your life. Seeing your boyfriend unwind and be himself was so nice, knowing he had so much on his plate.

Now, you felt out of place in your own home. He made your house your true home, it felt so right having him in your life. It was going to be difficult for you, but you knew you'd have to put the cottage up for sale so you could find another place. Plus, someone else would be able to call it their new lovely home.

You landed up returning to Tighnari, and he expects you to ask about Cyno again. It was only natural, he knew you were worried and he was your boyfriend.

"How much do you think my cottage could go for?" You ask Tighnari, him tilting his head.

"I thought you liked your home. I for one think it suits you well." Tighnari responds, raising a brow as he awaits your response.

"...I can't stay there anymore." You sigh out. "I am reminded of Cyno every time I look at a room in the house. Archons, I even remember the first time I let him into the house, that front door has memories."

"Cyno loves you, you know?" Tighnari places a hand on his hip.

"I haven't heard from him in months, Tighnari. I haven't even received any letters." You explain. "I know his work vaguely, but he always got out of his way to write letters to me. The fact you've received a letter from him and I'm still waiting should say it all, really."

"Are you implying he has changed his affections to me? I must correct you immediately." Tighnari tuts, flicking your forehead. As you rub your head, he continues. "The letter was nothing significant, believe me."

"So...what price would you-"

"Don't you dare sell that cottage of yours. Trust me, wait." Tighnari warns you. Before you can ask him why he was so certain you got the wrong end of a stick, he was called away for some urgent work.

The moment you return home, Cyno is standing at your front door waiting for you. He had a small box in his hand, and he looks up when he hears you let out a shaky sigh.

"I loved the time I spent with you." You begin. "I understand you've grown to no longer like me the same way I like you, and I know it's selfish but I can't bring myself to return to being friends with you."

"Please, allow me to explain my absence." Cyno asks, you letting him in. You were as well getting some sort of explanation as to why he stopped contacting you for months.

"I have had...a particularly dangerous mission." Cyno explains. "I couldn't risk contacting you, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if you had been put into harms way because of my recklessness."

"But you sent that letter to Tighnari." You pout, crossing your arms as you look away from him.

"That was only a letter sent on my behalf to warn him not to venture into a specific part of the forest unless he had backup." Cyno states. "My feelings for you are as strong as they were the first night I spent with you." Cyno confesses, taking your hands in his. "These months have been so difficult for me. I wanted to visit you on multiple occasions, but I knew that people were making attempts to take away everything I love. Now that the issue has started to lessen, I can now assure you that I am yours, and yours only."

You can't help but tear up. Cyno did love you, and you should have known he wouldn't have stopped contacting you if he lost his feelings for you.

"Now, I suppose you won't need this anymore." Cyno looks over, an incomplete application for selling your cottage.

"Tighnari convinced me not to sell it." You explain, noting Cyno squeezing your hands in response. "What?"

"Why have you been talking to Tighnari about selling the cottage? Did he make any moves on you?" Cyno looks at you, demanding a response.

"No, he didn't make any moves...Hold on, are you jealous?" You ask.

"...No..." Cyno trails off. "...Yes..."

"You know I don't see Tighnari as anything more nor less than a friend." You tut, Cyno nodding.

"...Wait, were you jealous that he received a letter and you didn't?" Cyno asks, you spluttering and looking away bashfully. "Looks like both of us were jealous." He teases.

"Shut up and cuddle with me." You drag Cyno along to your bed, Cyno not protesting as he looks forward to catching up with his physical affection with you.

#cyno #cyno x gender neutral reader #gender neutral reader #cyno x reader #tighnari

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exhuastedpigeon · 4 months

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Oohhh 5, 16, and 24 for the fic asks pls! 🩵💜

Hi Mic! Thanks for sending some fic ask game questions :)

16: Do you stick to canon when you write characters and fics? I try my best to stick to canon portrayal of characters. I avoid fics where the characters are really OOC or have been changed so much they don't even feel the same. My goal is always to take the canon elements of a character (their core belief systems, their reactions in certain types of situations, how they treat people, how they speak, etc) and put it into my little situations.

That said, I love writing canon divergent fics and AUs. For me, half the fun of writing fic is seeing what kinds of crazy situations I can put a character in while still keeping that character who they are at their core.

24: Which fic of yours do you wish people would ask about more? Why?

The answer to this question is almost always going to be the longer fics I've written because I put so much time into them so I want everyone to read them.

Feels Like Magic - this fic means so much to me. I love magic AUs and I love the world and it was so much fun to write, even if it took me a couple of months. (buddie fic)

Baby On Board - this fic was my modern steddie AU I poured so much into and love so much. I feel like there aren't that many modern Steddie fics so I wrote it mostly for me, but I'd love for more people to read it.

it hurts to hope for more - i feel like I talk about this fic all the time, but that's probably because it's one of my favourites that I've written. I really loved writing Buck and Eddie in relationships with women that they were happy in, even if they didn't work out. And I loved giving Natalia and Marisol some more backstory and personality that we've gotten in the show. Plus, writing that fic was really cathartic for me.

5: Share a snippet that you’re proud of from an upcoming fic/chapter.

This is from my NHL AU - I'm trying to weave some canon elements into the story while still having it make sense for this universe and I'm pretty proud of how this part turned out. It's got Eddie telling a racist that his mom is Swedish so he can try to use that part and it's got Eddie fighting.

Eddie hasn’t gotten in a fight since he joined the Kings. They’re a team built on skill and speed, not on old school heavy hockey like Detroit was when Eddie played for them. Eddie had always been the outlier on that team because he was almost all skill and speed, just skill and speed with a killer right hook. “Who the fuck do you think you are?” Eddie asks as his first connects with Deangelo’s face. “You think racism is fun? You think initially running the goalie is acceptable?” Buck doesn’t hear or see the rest of the fight, he’s too busy getting tangled up with two other Hurricanes trying to keep them away from Eddie and Deangelo. He’s not much of a fighter, he’s only gotten in two fights in his entire career - one because he fucked a guy’s girlfriend and the other because he rejected a guy’s sister - but he can hold his own. He’s nothing compared to Eddie though. By the time the refs separate all of them and figure out the penalties, Eddie’s knuckles are a little bloody and Deangelo’s nose might be broken. Buck would feel bad if he hadn’t heard at least two other slurs coming out of the guys month after the refs pulled them all apart. “I can’t believe they didn’t give that fucker a match penalty,” Eddie says, pissing mad as they skate toward the penalty box. “Did you hear what he called Chim?” “No, but I can guess,” Buck shoots back. He’s furious too, but he’s too wrapped up in Eddie’s rage to express his own right now. Eddie, who Buck has never even heard raise his voice except to call for the puck or to change their positioning on the ice. It’s weird to see him now, so out of control. “Should have known someone like you would have anger issues,” Deangelo calls as he’s escorted to the box. “Where are you even from, Diaz.” “Don’t,” Buck says quietly when they get into the box. He can taste blood in his mouth and his forehead feels warm and wet, but right now he wants to make sure Eddie doesn’t try to put anyone in the hospital. Not that Deangelo doesn’t deserve it. “My mom’s Swedish, you can pretend it was that half that kicked your racist ass if that makes you feel better,” Eddie yells to Deangelo over the glass in the penalty box. Buck can’t help the laugh that leaves him, even as he wipes blood off his face. It wasn’t exactly a bench brawl, but it had been pretty close to one. There are four of them in each penalty box, the most Buck has ever been in with, which is a pretty good indication of the level of tension in the ice.

fic ask game

#fic ask game #asked and answered

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escapistsatellite · 2 months

Text

On the Geneology of Liger Zoids

Here is a long post detailing the relationships between these zoids as I understand them.

So starting from the right-hand side of this chart, we have the older ligers/lion types. I assume that at least one of these types are mechanized versions of this->

which is from the continent of Delpoi, which was initially ruled entirely by the Helic Republic before a schism formed in the royal family that led to the first Helic Republic/Zenebus Empire war.

From this species came 2 machine beasts, one developed by each faction

And, of course, our old standby,

Just going by the chart it seems like Zenebus never further developed their ligers, which is the complete opposite than the Helic Republic, who developed a new fuselage for the core type

And then improved upon the design with a 2nd iteration.

From this point onward the Kings seemed to be either phased out or just declared "good enough" and R&D centered squarely on the Shield Liger; I will focus on the linear Shieldy->Blades lineage here because to avoid bloating the post, I'll detail their off-shoots later.

So after the Shield Liger came...

After which came MK-II & MK-II B

What really catches my attention is the construction of the laser blade mount-

and its resemblance to->

The high-output ion boosters on the blade arms of the Liger Zero Schneider. I can't be sure though, since I assume the weapons and equipment list only includes features common to all 3 versions.

So at this point the old Delpoian Ligers' core is deemed to be of insufficient strength by the Republican Army, which left them at a developmental dead end; the Imperial Army meanwhile has begun to develop a fuselage based on this-

From the western continent of Europa. Their prototype was stolen by the Republican Army and thus we got 2 versions of the resulting zoid:

These zoids were designed partly around the concept of the Changing Armor System (CAS), which makes the zoid suitable for a variety of different missions. I won't cover all the CAS units since I assume that most zoids fans are familiar with them, so I'll just be posting the versions that seem to have never left the hobby publications.

So first I will show the Imperial side,

So basically the Empire took a very stealth based approach to their ligers.

Next, one of my very favorites <3

So firstly, I wonder what this zoids' top speed looks like. 2nd, those drill swords might be the most terror-inducing weapons on a Liger Zero beside the Panzer's homing missiles. 3rd, it's equipped with a little spy drone on it's tail!

So up next->

I don't have anything to add, I just know nothing. I seems to link directly back to the Ultimate Liger, so maybe it was intended to be an Imperial Zoid?

And last & absolutely least:

Yup. A CAS that concerts the Liger Zero into a buffed Shield Liger. It just doesn't thrill or interest me, even though I won't deny it's versatility.

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rappaccini · 8 months

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Someone said Spiderverse movies took everything that was wrong with comic gwiles and fixed it...what do you think about that?

mmmm.... mixed bag. it takes the superficial problems with gwiles and fixes them, but it takes the fundamental ones and makes them so much worse.

[cut for length and hate of a fanship juggernaut-]

the problems with comics gwiles:

first, the circumstantial. the things that weren't executed well but could be redeemed in other continuities.

the age gap: in the comics, gwen's 3-4 years older than miles. in that famous panel of them making out, she's 20 and he's ~16. yikes!

the maturity gap. similar to age gap, but less dependent on age. age gaps become less and less important as time passes on. maturity is a little different, and dependent on your experiences. even when miles is ~23 and dating a 26-27-year-old gwen is appropriate, she's still spent a year and a half in supermax being beaten every day by dozens of criminals with no way of protecting herself and they're still at different developmental stages. she's been through shit he won't be able to help her with, and it wouldn't be fair for her to force him to deal with trauma he isn't equipped for. don't force a grown woman to infantilize herself to make her younger boyfriend comfortable, or a black boy to speed past his adolescence for a relationship with a woman he's too young for.

the lack of chemistry. they sincerely do not seem attracted to each other. whenever they're clinging to each other in sitting in a tree, it's cringy and weird in no small part due to the age gap and because...

the lack of connection. in the comics, miles and gwen aren't really friends. they're usually on the same team during crossover events, but that's basically it. they don't hang out as civilians, they don't have fun together as heroes, and they have little to talk about other than whatever mission they're currently on. they're basically just coworkers with a mutual friend/mentor in peter.

the context of the initial romantic spark. it isn't gwen and miles sincerely developing feelings for each other. it's them being told by god that the only way they can be safe and happy is if they make out, marry and pump out superbabies... and then saying 'well, god wanted us to kiss, so let's do it.' no matter what, if they pair off, that's the basis of their relationship: being ordered to get together and told if they don't they'll never be safe or happy.

and as for the most fundamental parts, the things written into their characterization and the themes of their stories that can't be changed without changing the meaning of who they are and what they're about:

on an emotional level: miles is into gwen because he's a teenage boy who sees a pretty girl with superpowers, and he thinks being with her will make him cool in front of his friends. siat literally starts and ends with miles bragging about the encounter to his bros, hyping it up as this hot romance that's definitely maybe gonna turn into something (... but then when we actually see it, it's awkward and she turns him down-- so he's lying to them) and shortly after siat, he'd keep bringing gwen up to his hero friends, calling her his girlfriend, trying to impress them. (they don't buy it fwiw)

gwen reciprocates the kiss in the moment but never mentions miles again in her entire solo run (except to make a dig at how now that she can turn invisible, looks like he's not so special anymore... so there's baggage there,) therefore she wasn't too into it. so she kissed him for reasons other than attraction. probably because at that time, gwen was extremely lonely and vulnerable (she was depowered, she had to spend the holidays alone because her father was in jail, she was grieving her peter, she was being exploited by a creepy mob boss who was absolutely going to do far worse to her) and having a future where she's safe and secure dangled in front of her face made her desperate enough to try giving in to it. on a personal level, gwen sees miles as an easy escape from her problems.

if you see the girl you like as a status symbol, or the boy you like as a get out of jail free card, you shouldn't get together.

on a sociocultural level: miles and gwen are both in stories about being marginalized people in a story and world designed for white guys. both contemplate assimilation-- miles, by distancing himself from his culture to appeal to white new york, and gwen by submitting to various powerful men who want to control her-- and this relationship would lock them into an assimilation plotline forever. (controversial take: just because a relationship is interracial doesn't mean it can't be regressive in other ways! intersectionality is important to consider!)

miles obtaining a blonde, blue-eyed white girlfriend (who even wears a white costume) he mostly sees as a status symbol and having ambiguous-looking kids with her as he becomes a celebrity supercop in a world without his community and family solidifies that he sold out and committed to placating a presumably-white public.

and gwen attaching herself romantically to a more powerful man who everyone likes better than her, marrying him, giving up her personality (gwen-65 would never like living gwen-8's life), social circle (where are her friends and family), interests (where's her band) and goals to support his (miles is the one who wants to lead a super-team, not gwen), and having his kids (even though she's indifferent at best to the idea of motherhood) solidifies that she's submitted to the limitations of patriarchy and is settling.

it's important for these characters to be tempted by those easy answers to their problems, and to have a moment of weakness where they contemplate giving in.

it's more important for them to resist that temptation.

on a meta level: comic gwiles happened back when no one knew what to do with miles so they just hurled all peter's leftovers at him. his villains. his plotlines. his leftover love interest.

miles morales is the other spider-man. gwen stacy is the other girlfriend. let's pair the spares so we can lump them off in their own little corner and we won't have to put effort into giving them their own stories!

miles was getting all kinds of bullshit about not being spider-man from the fandom. handing him one of the most famous Spider-Man Love Interests was a way of saying, 'see? yes he is! gwen stacy falls in love with spider-man, and she falls in love with miles, so miles is spider-man! and he's not just spider-man, he's an even better spider-man, because this spider-man gets a gwen who lives! a superpowered gwen to have superpowered babies with!'

on gwen's end, she's gwen stacy. she's the girl who is defined by being spider-man's girlfriend, living to make him happy, dying to make him sad, her existence totally determined by being desirable to the male hero. spider-gwen was meant to set the character free from that: now she's the hero. she has the power and the responsibility. she never has to be dependent on the male lead for her existence again.

so taking the one version of gwen whose purpose is to be her own person and turning her into Spider-Man's Spider-Wife and Mother Of His Spider-Babies implies that the Real Tragedy of gwen's death was that the hero didn't get to save, marry and make babies with the girl, not that the girl fucking died and never got a life of her own. it makes a girl's life, death and story about a guy. again.

... yeah it's irredeemable. you can't change these things without changing miles and gwen into different characters. so the ship doesn't work unless you want their stories to be tragedies about two people who try to define their own narratives, but give up and settle.

(and the whole point of their characters is that they're meant to succeed. they aren't supposed to be tragedies about trying to fight the system, giving up and submitting to it.)

literally the only thing about comic gwiles that works is that they look hot together and on a surface level, the idea of them falling in love is neat. but the second you look deeper and actually think about what it would mean for them and their stories the whole thing falls apart.

as for the movies

the age gap: 15 and 16/17 is appropriate. no notes.

the maturity gap: in between films, miles spent the last year and a half in a stable loving home, going to high school, moonlighting as a superhero. yes, he's had mental health struggles and been dealing with grief and stress, but he's in a safe environment to process those feelings and has at least one friend who he can trust with his secret.

meanwhile on top of her own grief over her peter and stress over the hero-teenager life balance, gwen's lost all her friends, been manhunted by the cops for a year and shot at by her dad, ran away from home, and spent 5+ months homeless, being manipulated and neglected by the adults in the society, living as a full-time superhero with adult responsibilities, all while knowing she's likely doomed to die soon.

by the time they reunite, gwen's had to mature a lot and miles simply hasn't. it wouldn't be fair for gwen to act like none of that shit happened to make miles happy, or for miles to take on all that emotional strain to make gwen happy.

the chemistry: now exists! i buy that miles and gwen would be attracted to each other.

the lack of connection: complicated. if nothing else now that they're the same age and had that day of working together in itsv, i buy that gwen and miles would want to be friends, and that if they got to spend time together, they would be.

however, they still barely know each other. they spent one afternoon hanging out and fought together for one night, and then never spoke to or saw each other again for a year and a half. and during that time they've been hung up on the idea of meeting each other again, and that a relationship would be the solution to their problems. they like the idea of each other better than the reality.

by the time the trilogy wraps up, they'll have known each other for a week tops, spread out over that long a gap of no contact. deciding to date someone (let alone deciding you're in love with them) with that little time spent actually knowing each other doesn't make sense.

sure it's possible that they could take time to reconnect before getting together... but it's also equally likely that doing so will make them realize they're only interested in the idea of each other, and are better off as friends.

the context of the romantic spark. gwen and miles spending time together, striking up a friendship, and thinking 'you're cute and we understand each other and i like being around you, let's do more of that'? without the universe breathing down their necks insisting they have to make spiderbabies or else? works!

BUT. itsv ends on gwen telling miles she's only interested in a friendship. and they don't interact for a year and a half. teenage crushes are intense... but they also burn out fast when there's distance, especially when you have shit as heavy as what gwen's dealing with going on, and when you're building stronger relationships with other romantic options (pav and hobie). by the time atsv begins, gwen would've moved on.

gwen being this starstruck over him does not feel realistic. she's not in love with him, she's fixated on him.

in the circumstantial sense, yes, movie gwiles is an improvement.

but. in terms of the irreconcilables:

on an emotional level:

miles is still into gwen because she's pretty and powerful, but also because she's smart ("smart girls are where it's at" = miles thought gwen was a gifted kid like him, and that was part of her appeal). he looks up to her skillfulness and wants to be a better hero so he can be on her level. he empathizes with her grief and guilt over a loved one's death and the double-life stress. the thing that first made her stand out to him was that she laughed at his joke-- she made him feel less alone in a situation where he felt like he couldn't belong.

so at least his crush isn't kiddie-pool deep anymore.

but. he barely knows her. he's spent a year and a half dreaming about what it would like to be with her; most of what he thinks of gwen is just projection. he's withdrawn from everyone in his life and assumes a relationship with her will fix all his problems-- that he won't be lonely, insecure or stressed anymore as long as he can prove he's powerful enough to reach this unreachable girl.

and since reaching gwen means proving he's an elite enough student to go to princeton... or an elite enough spider-man to join the society, she's the reward for him achieving that status. she's still technically a trophy.

at least gwen likes miles because he's kind, smart, funny and the first friend she's made since peter died... but. that's the thing.

she's still hung up on her peter parker. still guilty about his death, refusing to let herself make new friends. she still wants to protect him (shielding miles from the canon event/anomaly revelations), she still wants to save him (gwen getting flashbacks and panicking when miles is in the rubble in mumbattan... and ending the film committing to saving him again).

gwen sees miles as her redemption for failing to save peter. if she can protect him, save his life, be his girlfriend, then she can forgive herself.

(and since she's a runaway, he's an escape from a world where everyone hates her, from her responsibilities. the movies say it themselves: he's peter pan, she's wendy. you do know how peter pan ends, right?)

the problem still exists for miles, it's just reversed now: comics miles sees gwen as a means of getting the status he wants. movie miles sees the status as a means of getting gwen... but he still shouldn't need either to find validation and understanding.

and comics gwen still sees miles as an escape from her problems... but now it's even worse, because she's using him as a replacement goldfish for her peter. unfair to miles, unhealthy for gwen.

on a sociocultural level:

they're still in assimilation narratives.

miles thinks no one in his community understands him and considers going to pwi princeton so he can find those people. then he jumps at the chance to join the spider society, full of said people (mostly-white guys policing a white guy's status quo). he thinks if he gets gwen, a white girl, to be with/vouch for him, he'll be accepted by the status quo and treated as the exception.

so far, he's committed to rejecting the aspects of the status quo that he dislikes. which is great! but is he going to go all the way, or is he going to stop at 'actually, the societal conventions that benefit me can stay.'

(even if gwen survives, that subverts nothing because she'd be surviving to be his girlfriend. he's still the one who profits the most, especially if he gets the Hero Moment of saving her. he gets the prize and the big photo finish.)

gwen's surrounded by mostly-men in control of the status quo, and was told for months by them that her role in this story is Someone's Girlfriend.

the only woman in the inner circle, jess, is a happily married pregnant woman who reinforces the system because it works for her (even though the most she can be in it is the male leader's number two), and dislikes when gwen isn't obedient.

then gwen exclusively befriends guys who push her towards her designated boyfriend even when they barely know him, is catty to margo over male attention, only rebels against the status quo on behalf of the boy and not herself, and reassures that boy when he's jealous over her and hobie that she's remained loyal to him all this time despite never being in a relationship in the first place and never expecting to see him again.

she ends atsv by disowning all her female relationships (the mjs, jess), making nice with her dad, accepting her role as Miles's Girlfriend despite knowing it will kill her. then she forms a mostly-male team (including two girls who are only there for the boy, not her) to save him and declares with a smile that this is what she needed all along.

(who wants to bet the second miles turns up, she'll hand the leadership of her own band to him too.)

essentially, gwen's totally given in. she's settling for 'hey, maybe my boyfriend won't get me killed this time. that's enough, right?' (no!!!)

on a meta level:

the movies do a lot to establish miles as his own character with his own world and his own story (which is exactly what he needs!)... yet. the one thing that isn't his own is his love interest.

they might not have said outright that gwen's Peter's Girlfriend. but they whitewashed peter65 to make it clear they would've gotten together before he died and remove all hangups gwen would have about being attracted to miles. they made gwen's attraction to miles based on her fixation on her peter. they confirmed that gwen dating spider-man is a canon event.

the audience may not have read the comics, but they've seen the amazing spider-man movies. they know gwen's peter's girlfriend who dies because he can't save her.

miles's entire storyline is about being ostracized for being Not Spider-Man Enough... but miles and gwen are still being paired romantically, gwen implies that her hangup is she wishes it would end well and miles assures her that they'll be different. once again, miles being spider-man hinges on whether he obtains and keeps a romantic relationship with gwen.

gwen's entire story is about... how if only she could end up with her high school boyfriend. and her happy ending depends on how supportive she is of him.

her death's going to be revealed as a canon event in btsv. odds are, she'll live because miles saves her. because, as he said, he's Different (tm).

so spider-gwen's been regressed to something she's never been before in the comics, to the thing she was created to never have to be again: the hero's girlfriend.

whether gwen lives or dies, even if he isn't the one who saves her, her story's still about being an ideal for the hero to strive towards, obtain and keep. the only difference is now she gets to hand herself to the hero and say 'i'm okay with this somehow' so he's absolved of the responsibility for taking her protagonism away

so to recap, the writers clearly did some heavy lifting to redeem some of the relationship... but only on miles's end, and only half-measures:

comics miles has a shallow attraction to gwen largely based on achieving status through having her. movie miles has a genuine emotional connection with gwen but still doesn't know her well and is still reliant on her for validation.

comics miles's relationship with gwen is dependent on his willingness to become palatable for a white audience at the cost of being a resonant character for the community he was created to represent. movie miles gets to define his own narrative without being stereotyped or sanded down to fit into a white mold... but as long as he can pick and choose what aspects of assimilation benefit him the most, he'll embrace some of it.

comics miles is handed gwen as an attempt by the writers to make his haters see how much like peter he is, rather than doing the work to give him something unique. movie miles isn't Diet Peter Parker anymore, but he's still dependent on getting gwen to be considered spider-man enough.

but on gwen's side... it's worse than in the comics.

comics gwen doesn't need a relationship with miles to feel good about herself or take part in the story. movie gwen does and is only rewarded by the narrative when she's prioritizing him (she can only find happiness with him and none of her other friends even when they know her better than miles ever did, she can only reconcile with her father and stop being homeless because she's getting miles's photo, she can only stand up to the society and miles's parents and form her own hero team because it's in defense of him and it's a given that he's going to take control of the team the second he rejoins it, she can have a pov in the second movie as long as it's all about how much she misses miles, she can only be in these movies in the first place because she's going to be his girlfriend).

comics gwen is resisting (so far) the urge to give in and assimilate back into the male gaze. movie gwen completely caved to it by the end of the second movie.

comics gwen's narrative understands that she has to be not only alive, but her own agent in control of her own storyline, with plots that center her as an individual; she literally cuts gwiles off in its tracks because she recognizes they're being manipulated and wants them to make their own choices. movie gwen's narrative fully believes that the only problem was that she didn't get to live so she could belong to a guy, and her character was written from the ground up to be accepting of that (hence, why movie gwen doesn't beat her peter to death for being an incel like she does in the comics).

the circumstantials are fine. they have the surface-level connection to make a romantic attraction plausible, and the lack of familiarity could've easily been fixed with a shift in the timeline or an indication that they'll get to know each other more before they get together.

but the fundamental aspects of their characters are still undone by it.

the only way this ship works is if that's the point, and they need to recognize that and move on from each other.

(there's enough time to do it too... but will they?)

in conclusion: it's worse!

#spiderverse salt #asks #gwen stacy #miles morales #spider gwen salt

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erigold13261 · 1 year

Note

>:D hey can I ask for the ask with my hubby DK and my wifey Eve?

Already did Eve, so here's DK West!

First impression: I'll be honest. I didn't know he was speaking another language with English sprinkled in at first, I thought his accent was just making it hard for me to understand him lol. Other than that, my initial reaction was that he was weird and his boss battle was way too hard (even though at the time I could only finish the first one). I did like the reference to Nadia that got revealed later, that was a mindblower to me haha.

Impression now: He's an asshole and I love him. He still deserves an apology from Tatiana and NSR as a whole (in my version he at least got it, but it would have been cool to see it in game). He is also a very masc looking character that I really like aesthetically to look at. I am a person who love fem presenting characters, or characters with feminine traits, whether they are man, woman, or anything in between, but I think West was the first really masculine character I liked in the same way I like to look at women. He really opened my eyes to liking men lol.

Favorite moment: Him running at full speed to the NSR tower is something I love to see!

Idea for a story: Okay, I want to kinda rewrite the third fight a tiny bit. When West was showing the Zuke the recording, I honestly thought when he did the rewind and heard "promise you'll never ever play this again?" that he would have a moment of realization he was being a dick. I didn't expect him to change right then and there, but to have SOME kind of clarity that he might be to blame for his actions and the way their relationship is, I was hoping for something like that. But it was just brushed to the side and he didn't realize anything until May had to smash the point over his head. I get West is supposed to be dense and clueless, but the way the narrative rewound the recording back to the beginning instead of just starting it at the Zonkey part again, made me think they were going to do some kind of self reflection with West, but it never came. I'd like to make a version where he starts to realize at that moment he was in the wrong and then the fight happens and he gets his full redemption.

Unpopular opinion: Other than what I said for the idea part, I guess it's me not liking the idea that West is a full blown misogynist. I know he is like that in canon, but it kinda goes against my idea of Zuke being a transman because i can see West not behaving like that as kids because he loved his sister. However, I do think he has some misogynist tendancies from assholes he spent time around, him and Zuke. Both grew out of it, though West can still be misogynistic at times, it's not nearly as bad as in canon or how some people tend to portray him.

Favorite relationship: Hmmm, gotta give it to the brothers. Their relationship was a fresh look for me in how I see most siblings portrayed in media. I'm sick of seeing the perfect families or siblings who are literally hurting each other on purpose to the point it's just straight up abuse.

Favorite headcanon: I don't really know, can't really think of one that I really like over the others. Maybe West being ambidextrous is one that I really life.

#nsr #eritalks #noart #asks

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zbeez-outlet · 2 years

Text

Part Three || Big Brother Diego

Five Hargreeves x OC | TUA Canon Universe | Slow Burn Relationship

Description || The story of how little Noa Lavigne went from dodging Diego's knives in target practice to sharing secret handshakes and spinning in the rain.

Content Warnings || allusions to Reginald Hargreeve's abuse, minor injuries, mentions of blood (If I missed anything, please let me know!)

<<< Part Two

Book Masterlist

Number 2 has a lot of feelings about being number 2. At the top of the list is the fact that being number 2 means he is not number 1, he will never be number 1, but he can be better than number 1 — well, maybe. Mom says he could be as long as he tries his hardest. So he does.

At the bottom of this so-called "Feelings About Being Number 2" list is the sentiment that at least he's not Number 7, who's small and powerless and left on the sidelines with a frown and a wish for more. Just above that is the even greater truth that being Number 8 would be worse. In many ways, Number 2 thinks Number 8 is more like a pet than a child or a sibling or a person.

Their official introduction happens thusly.

Dad hands him a knife and orders him to throw it at Number 8. The goal is to cut her. She stands ten meters away, small with her shoulders curved forward and her chin bent low, but for some reason he feels watched by her. Like behind the curtain of strawberry blonde curls is an eye that sees his every heartbeat and every impulse.

Part of him wants to cut her just to see if he can.

When Dad realized Number 2 needed an object to focus on to control his power and exceed his potential, early in the study of his abilities, he chose knives. Sharp, deadly, precise. He could use his manipulation of trajectory to maneuver the direction of the knives with unprecedented accuracy. Number 2 practiced on stationary targets until hitting a bullseye with his eyes closed became as easy as breathing. He graduated to the next step: moving targets.

The day Number 8 appeared on their doorstep, Number 2 didn't think much beyond the initial awe at her speed. There wasn't much more to think when you're only six and small and subject to the disciplines of everything bigger than you. They were all told to call her Number 8, so he does because he's Number 2 and clearly she's one of them now — except Dad makes her sleep in the attic and there's never a plate for her at the dinner table. He wonders about that now, thin slice of knife between his fingers and the orders of his father tensing between his shoulders. He wonders how she can be and not be one of them at the same time.

Disobeying is not an option.

It's actually fun, he realizes a few sessions of target practice later because catching Number 8 feels impossible and excitement simmers under his skin every time he gets close. The game changes from Number 2 chasing her around the room with blades and frustration to anticipating her next moves. To making plans and strategies and maneuvers he would never otherwise come up with. It's fun, it's new, it feels way more valuable than the thousands of pushups Number 1 must be doing. That thought keeps him proud.

The first time Number 2 cuts Number 8 is also the last.

It happens after he's been named Diego by Mom and Number 8 has become Noa to him in secret. It happens after hundreds and hundreds of hours of target practice. It happens because Dad wants to challenge her, not him.

She's being electrocuted the first time he cuts her. A tiny slice on the right side of her throat that bleeds and scars and haunts him every time he looks at it. Noa doesn't cry from the wound, but she does look at him differently afterwards, even if she doesn't mean to. Something like sadness, something like betrayal, something that tastes bitter every time he sees it flash in her eyes.

Diego never cuts her again because he never wants to. Not like he did at first, just to see if he could. Not even for Dad's approval.

Having a stutter makes Number 2 insecure in a way he's not prepared for — though, really, how does one prepare for insecurity at the age of seven? It forces him into a quiet that unsettles the person he wants to be, which is loud and proud and as confident in his words as every other part of himself. A leader.

He struggles with sharp consonants the most. The ones that are thin and shaped with steel, trapped aggressively behind his teeth and lips no matter how hard he pushes them with his tongue. It's the t's and the k's and the g's. It's the way r's struggle to ripple passed his throat and the vowels that draw on longer than he means for them to. Number 2 cannot control the flow of his words the same way he can control the trajectory of his knives.

Mom is patient. Mom is kind and sounds out the words for him, slow at first. They play games with letters and shapes, and she teaches him how to picture the words in his mind before saying them.

When he finds out Mom is teaching Number 8 English, his first thought is about how he can help. Because he knows what it means to silence yourself for fear of using the wrong words or ruining their sound or jumbling them up all over the place.

Number 2 likes the way French sounds the few times he's heard Number 8 speak, similar to the Spanish Dad has him practicing or the Italian Number 5 picks up with ease only with more floral notes and a sound that reminds him of Mom's perfume. It's round with vowels in a way English often isn't. It's lovely and soft and dances through the air with a warmth that isn't welcome within the walls of the Umbrella Academy. He wonders if she trips over the same consonants as him.

"Mom," he starts with a soft call, reaching for the billowy length of her skirt. He's nervous because sometimes acknowledging Number 8 feels blasphemous, like there's some unwritten rule of the house that her presence is as consequential as the paintings on the walls and to give her any more substance than that is punishable in their father's eye. "Can I help you teach Number 8 English? I can show her how to pic-pic-picture the words like you t-taught me."

Her palm rests on his head, gentle fingers running through the short cut of his hair and making him preen like a cat. She smiles with all of the softness he doesn't get in their world under the sunshine of a flashing monocle. "Of course, Number 2. I would love your help." She kneels down by his side, a thick leather book in her hand that she holds out to Number 2 like a special treasure. The leather is dark and latched with a metal clasp, a matching key attached to the pages by a string. "I got this for her so she can practice. Kind of like how you do in your head, but on paper. Would you like to give it to her for me?"

Number 2 nods so enthusiastically his neck hurts, and he follows behind Mom with an extra little skip to his step, the journal clutched to his chest. She leads him in a delicate stride up and up and up towards the attic, a bubble of anxiety threatening to pop in his throat. He's never been to the attic before.

Mom knocks with a rhythmic tap tap tap and calls for Number 8 with a tone so unlike the sweeping curve of breath she uses for his own number. None of the motherly affection he knows from her. It's not harsh or angry or berating, but stiff like metal. It leaves Number 2 confused and curious, wondering where all the warmth of the beating heart she doesn't have has gone. Number 8 peaks through the crack of the attic door, eyes flickering between him and Mom like she can't figure out how she's supposed to act, but she offers him a hesitant smile despite her wavering. He can't help but smile back, feeling crooked in his skin and fighting the impulse to pat her head like a puppy.

He holds out the leather journal like a peace offering, a treaty between two sides of the same coin. "To prac-practiccce..." he trails, frustrated with his words and his letters and his brain. "To practice! Your English."

The way Number 8 looks at the journal with a shine to her eyes makes him sad. She reaches forward like a frightened animal as if she's expecting him to retch the gift from her as soon as she touches it. Number 8 holds the journal like glass, waiting for it to shatter between her palms, and pride dances in Number 2's chest at being the one to put such a reverent look on her face.

"Numéro 2?" Her voice is small, and he wonders if it's impossible to put her in his pocket to keep her safe and happy and cozy at all times. "Voulez-vous me montrer, s'il vous plaît? Um..." she pauses, brow crinkling cutely as she tries to find the right words. Her feet shuffle and her shoulders curve further as insecurity presses onto her spine. Number 2 nods at her, encouraging her to pick and choose and ask him again. "Sh-show me? Please?"

When Number 2 smiles, it's with his entire face. All teeth and stretched cheeks and elation freckling his skin.

He grabs her hand, noticing but not commenting on the way she jumps at his touch, and drags her all the way to his room — the attic still scares him even if there's just a little girl behind the door. They settle on a blanket he tosses onto the floor, heads bent close together as he starts by talking her through the alphabet, which is largely the same and yet somehow totally different. He points to objects around his room and asks her to name them. If she gets it wrong, she writes it down with the corresponding French word so she knows to practice. If she gets it right, he gives into the urge of patting her head and beams at her answering smile.

When Number 8 smiles, really truly smiles with all the happiness she can muster, her cheeks dimple and her eyes scrunch and her tongue pokes from between her teeth.

He only sees that smile a handful of times throughout their childhood. The first time he sees it is also the first time he pats her head. Awe dances in his chest at the sight and suddenly all he wants is to protect that smile.

They are the exact same age, every child in the manor is, but he thinks this must be what it feels like to be a big brother. He rather likes it.

Diego comes up with the idea for a secret handshake on a whim of normalcy when they're barely eleven. His first attempt is with Klaus, unanimously dubbed the creative one among the children. It's an attempt that fails spectacularly with fumbled fingers and Klaus getting stuck in a roundabout interpretive dance, though Diego likely should have expected it to go that way what with his brother's recent discovery of weed.

He contemplates going to Ben next, as the only other sibling likely to indulge his newfound micro-obsession with handshakes and secrecy, but quickly decides to go to Noa instead when she simply walks by him in the hallway amidst his boredom. She's closer and most often compliant, and Diego prefers that over the tediousness of a few extra minutes of convincing Ben to do it with him. Besides, he rather likes her gentle company more than that of his uniquely deranged siblings.

Not to mention the silently massive 'fuck you!' it would be to Dad's rules piled between Noa and the rest of them. Another way to dig a little path of comradery to Noa, same as their English lessons and the stolen moments of head pats and tongue-in-teeth smiles.

She's following behind Five like she so often is these days, close enough that their linked pinkies go almost completely unnoticed but far enough so she can't be perceived as an equal beside him. It's cute in a weird complicated way he doesn't quite understand, not with the way Five's brutal demeaner clashes with Noa's jittery calmness, but they smile together and whisper and sometimes blush pink, so Diego decides not to dwell on it so much.

But it's been days since Diego's had some stolen time with Noa, so he decides pilfering her company for the early afternoon before she's relegated to the corner of the dining hall during dinner is his right.

"My turn with Noa, bye Five!" He gets out in a rush, the words smooth from practice and patience and Mom's smile. Snatching Noa's hand, the one decidedly not occupied by Five's pinky, Diego pulls her away in the wake of his brother's snarled curses with a devilish cackle.

Noa keeps up easily of course, her feet far more graceful than any other part of her, but she doesn't laugh like him because she doesn't know how — her smile is one in ten thousand jokes, her laugh is one in ten million tickles. Sometimes he wonders if he'll ever hear it. Sometimes he wonders if any of the others have. He knows she's not mad though, if the soft curve of her brow and gentle reciprocating clasp of his hand are anything to go by.

Diego drags her out to the courtyard. Dad rarely leaves his office when they're not training let alone ventures outside, so it's usually the safest spot to hang out with Noa without getting caught. He settles them under the cover of the largest tree in the yard, an aging oak that they're all convinced was there before the mansion was. Sitting cross-legged on the grass, he gestures for Noa to do the same with the kind of excited impatience only a child could have. She does, though she folds her legs delicately beneath her instead of crossing them because of the skirt of her uniform, and stares at him expectedly.

Her eyes swivel like she's checking for the weighty shine of a monocle before turning back to him with one of her more hesitant grins. "Hi Diego," she whispers like if she dares to speak any louder the world may crack beneath their feet. He has always loved the way their names slip from her accent in soft doting French sounds.

"Noa, I had a great idea!" He keeps his voice low despite the bubbles of anticipation dancing along his tongue, more for her comfort than any actual fear of reprimand he may have. "We should make a secret handshake!"

She tilts her head like the puppy he so often thinks of her as and furrows her brows. "A secret...what?"

"You know, a handshake. Like..." he trails, reaching for her hand. Even at eleven, his hands seem far larger than hers. He firmly grasps her fingers in his hold and shakes with a howdy-do nod of his head that leaves her cheeks pink and her green eyes shining. "Only, we'll make a special one that just the two of us know."

That very special tongue-in-teeth smile stretches her cheeks and when she nods, her curls bounce. Diego's chest puffs at the sight.

He doesn't count the minutes, but they stay out in the courtyard for a long time playing with their hands and coming up with different ways to link their fingers. They use their right hands even though Noa is left-handed. Eventually they come up with something simple enough to remember for a lifetime but complex enough that it takes a few tries to get it right. It goes like this.

Three taps to each other's palm and sliding back to clasp fingers in a claw-like gesture. Pressing thumbs together before unclasping their fingers and twisting clockwise to link their pinking, and then reversing that motion to smoothly clasp hands in a classic handshake form. They shake three more times before drawing back and forming small fists that they take turns tapping the tops and bottoms before ending in a classic bump of knuckles. With, of course, exaggerated explosive noises that Diego insisted on as the finisher.

Diego dissolves into giggles after every explosion, teetering in the grass and holding tight to his belly like he can trap the warmth of his mirth with his hands. He pats her head as a reward just like when she gets her English words right.

A water droplet splashes against his nose, startling him from their game. Diego looks up to the canopy of leaves beneath the shady oak tree and blinks, more droplets spattering across his cheeks and he grins.

It's raining.

Quickly pulling Noa to her feet, he dances them from under the cover of the tree and twirls her in the falling rain. He does their handshake again and goes spinning at the final explosion to dance in the growing puddles and dirty his shoes without a second thought. Noa stands more calmly on the edge of the rain, watching him with warm eyes but far less enthusiasm for the dancing, and that just won't do. He shimmies towards her, reaching and reaching and reaching as if he can pull the excitement and playfulness he knows hides beneath her skin from the tips of her fingers.

Her curls speckle with silver water and sparkle just like the day she found her way to their doorstep. He rocks Noa into his arms and shakes her to the rhythm of a song that's not playing and then sends her twirling with an encouraging thrust of his hands. And that's when he hears it, under the twinkling sound of rain.

Noa giggles. She giggles and laughs and spins without any care for the mud dirtying her stockings. It's breathy and soft, just like everything else about her, and sings with the same gentle harmony as her French and her lullabies. It wraps warm around his chest and pulls another laugh from the mirth hidden behind his ribs. It's a sound he wishes he could bottle and save for the darker days when none of them can find the strength to do more than blink.

A throat clears behind him. Noa's laughter stops. The world stills so suddenly even the rain seems to pause against the fight of gravity.

"Number 2," Dad's voice crawls along his spine and claws at his ears. "This behavior is unacceptable. Go change for supper, we'll discuss your punishment after."

Diego trembles, trying to meet Noa's eye, but she's already shut down. Now standing rigid with her hands clasped behind her back and her chin pressed painfully to her chest. He can see her shaking. If Diego were braver, he'd walk towards her and wrap her in his arms like the big brother he wants to be, whisper reassurances without stuttering and protect her, but instead his father's orders drag his feet back into the house, leaving her to his wrath. Dad doesn't follow him inside.

Mom is waiting with a towel and a clean uniform in her hands, smile bright and warm and everything he can't feel right now.

Dinner starts later than usual. Noa never takes her spot beside Mom and Pogo. Guilt floods his chest and his lungs and threatens to spill over his eyes. Her laugh echoes in his head until it sounds like a scream. Five asks where Noa is as the only one brave enough to do so. Dad reminds him that speaking is prohibited during dinner, leaving Five to simmer with a red rage and stab at his plate without eating any of it. He glares at Diego, at Dad, at his plate. He stares at the empty spot where Noa usually stands for a long long time.

It's three days before they see Noa again, quiet and small as she's always been. He can't see any marks of punishment, relief mingling with the guilt in his chest like oil.

He doesn't ask what happened to her the last three days. She doesn't tell him.

When Dad's not looking, Noa holds out her right hand. Diego's eyes go wide and with trembling motions, he taps against her palm three times. He almost cries when she whispers the quietest explosive noise to finish off the handshake.

When Noa and Five are gone, Diego grieves in the only way he knows how. Silently and with a weight hardening behind his ribs like a stone, a pressure that will never go away. His screams and cries are trapped under his skin, ready to burst as days without explosive handshakes or English lessons or impossible target practice turn into weeks, into months, into years.

Her journal is gone.

The attic is locked.

Dad hangs a painting of Five over the fireplace mantle. He wants to ask if Noa gets a painting, but knowing the answer keeps the question resting on his tongue, swallowed into the recesses of his throat.

The only proof that Noa existed at all is their memories. It's not enough, it'll never be enough. He turned out to be a pretty shitty big brother.

#five hargreeves #five hargreeves x oc #five hargreeves x reader #umbrella academy #five x oc #five x reader #tua oc #umbrella academy oc

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jajukhayekaju · 2 months

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Mind is still and clear, for now.

It appears as if I make a trip to this secluded spot, that only I know of, once every two years. This blog of my is more than a decade old. I don't really recall very well what I was going through every time I have posted something here. As I try to re-read the posts and make sense of my mental state, I can capture some of it.

I'm a good place in my life right now. The last time I was here, I wrote about being in love or thinking that I was in love. Well, I have been living with that girl for the past 2 years. I may end up marrying her. I have been working at a really humane organisation, in a role, that I absolutely love. I got promoted. I underwent an amazing leadership training that I think has changed me quite a lot.

My girlfriend has gone back to her parent's home for a month. My dear school friend who is also a drummer has moved abroad. Slowly and slowly our house has shrunk in size. Therefore, in the last couple of days, I have had a bit of solitude. I quite like it.

I always struggled how to deal with people. The first time I consciously thought about this was around the time I was 22. At that point, I don't think I had sufficiently developed a theory of mind.I don't think I could have imagined what other people felt when I spoke to them or how my behaviour came across to them. I was definitely not a patient person. I still interrupt people a lot. I was certainly very disrespectful. I can imagine how difficult it must have been to be a friend of mine. I am grateful for those who stuck with me.

My relationship of the past two years has in many ways helped me, to learn how to speak. I now wait for people to complete their point when they're speaking. I obviously try to speak a lot less than I used to. Still speak a lot but I'm trying to reduce the amount of time that I hog the microphone. I am 31 as of writing this and it's hard to make sense where my 20s have gone. but I'm happy how my 20s have turned out, based on the outcomes of today. I got 40 years of working ahead of me and I'm excited how they’re gonna shape up, because I'm quite happy with the speed of my learning.

I never want to stop learning. I never want to stop growing. I never want to feel that I can't change anymore. I never want to feel that I am right the way I am. There’s always much to improve. Only tired, old mind would feel exhausted at the thought of learning something new and changing themselves.

The two things that I need to learn in order to achieve the life of my dreams are time management and social skills. Recently, I had an epiphany in which I realised that the reason I suck at time management is because of perfectionism and compulsion. I have been trying to develop the muscle to overcome the mental resistance to initiate a task and overcome the temptation to procrastinate. I think I'm getting better. Hopefully I get much better by the end of the year.

As always, I think deeply about how I should be spending my life. Deep down, I know that a goal of mine is to change the mindset of the people of my country and perhaps even the world. I deeply desire that my country becomes the most developed one. I think I have the answer to what holds it back from becoming one. Another goal of mine is to become rich, successful, to lead an interesting life, to meet interesting people, to get wide spread and recognition. At the heart of both of these goals: a desire to be great.

It’s just one life, and I don't want to settle. I don't want life to pass by me. You know, Sam Altman, is just 38 years old. He is living the life that I wish I was living. I don't want to turn 50 and look at people 10 years younger to me doing far more interesting things that I am at that point and wonder if that could have been me.

I obviously want to be realistic in terms of what I can achieve or not achieve. But I'm often way too ambitious. For example, I would love to see the decline and extinction of religion. I would love to see the US citizens abandon their love of guns. I would love to see a world where is no violence. a world where men, women and children are equal. I don't think I will be able to achieve such huge changes in the mindset of people as I know that I am no modern day Jesus.

If I were to start my work today, I would get to see two generations in action. I don't think so many changes happen over 40 years, but who knows. But surely we would make a quite a bit of progress in the direction that I want the world to move. I get excited at the thought of how the world would look like 1000 years from now, what amazing technology we would have and whether we would have a social utopia.

What does all of this mean for me? I know I need to learn to manage my time better and learn how to influence people before I can achieve any of my goals. Instead of being fixated on the outcome, I should try to be the best version of myself and put efforts towards achieving my goal, irrespective of whether I achieve them or not in my lifetime.

Also, did I mention I traveled to Europe a few months back? Yep, I went there for three weeks.

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letter-to-a-friend · 7 months

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backlog cont.

10/15 I woke up Incredibly depressed today, but I can't tell you that, I said I would stop making it your problem. We've talked so little these last few days I'm afraid I'll lose my person. I know I'm just being needy, I'm sorry. It's okay if you want to leave me behind to be happy, I'm probably just baggage to you right now. I didn't mention it before but I haven't been eating the laste few days. I'm down to 187lbs. I've had nothing to eat but eggs and and a can of soup each day, if that. I want to eat, but just can't. I think I need help, but I can never tell you.

You told me not long ago that you were sabotaging dates because you were leaving a window open for [ex], how else am I supposed to look back on our time together as anything but that? You sabotaged our relationship, and got back together with [ex] because that's what you wanted in the first place, you never really tried to love me because you were always in love with [ex]

10/16 I forgot to write you yesterday, but not really. I had written out what I wanted to say for our talk but I didn't end up using it. I'll paste it after this but first- you fucking cheated on me man? Are you serious? You left me for another guy weeks Into it, that's not enough time to know Jack shit, much less that you can never come to love someone. The feeling I thought was love is all gone now, but that still hurts man. That's fucked up, and now I don't think I can ever fully trust you again. I don't love you, but once upon a time I did and you stomped on that love for a man who broke your heart again, and honestly? You deserved it for that. And the me of right now hopes he breaks your heart this time too because of it.

The letter: Honestly I'm a little upset with you right now. I took a look back at the timeline of events and it Honestly makes me feel really used. We broke up on 6/6, and started talking again on 6/20, and from then until you broke up with connor on 8/4 you never told me you were in a relationship which leads me to believe you got back together within that 14 day period of us not talking. You said recently that you felt you were sabotaging tinder dates bc you were still holding out for [ex], and I feel like you did that with me too. It really feels like, back then, you were always waiting for [ex], and you were just wanting someone to vent your sexual frustration from being with him. It only took you from 8/4(when you broke up, and also when we began talking like before) to 8/8 to tell me that you were still sexually attracted to me to the point you couldn't look me in the eyes and until 8/31 for you to tell me you were wanting sex from me. And just a little while ago, we hooked up on 9/30, and you got back together with connor on 10/9. With you so quickly going from being intimate with me, breaking up, getting with [ex], back to sex with me, to being back together, it makes me feel a little used. I know I consented to just fwb and that I was the ultimate initiator, and I know we've done things outside of sex, but almost every time we met up and you weren't on your period, we hooked up. As you've said, you're a very horny person, and that's fine I am too, but part of the reason I want this thing with you and [ex] to either last forever or never happen again is because 3 is a pattern man; if you guys break up, and we end up going back to fwb, and you get back together with him, I'll feel even more like just an outlet for your sexual frustration, who just so happens to play games with you sometimes. I consented to fwb until we found partners, but looking back i feel more like I was just filling the void [ex] left and thats very different. And im not saying fwb is bad, or that i was wanting something more, it was just sex- its the speed at which you changed gears that makes me feel this way. You said you could live without sex for him[context: hes sexually attracted to men, but want a relationship with her to the point hes asked to be poly], but I'm not so sure with how quickly you asked for it after you left the relationship. I know how much you've said you cherish our friendship, but I can't shake the feeling that I'm only here because you don't want to be alone. This is made even worse that you got upset at me when i said i was a little concerned that you would drop me when you got another bf, but when you got back with [ex] you told me that you had done that in the past once already. Sure, there was other things going on with [ex bff], but you got upset at me over a fear you later told me was kinda warrented. I'm not saying that this IS the case, just that this is how the everything is making me feel. I feel like I'm only "precious" because I've given you what you want in emotional support and sex when [ex] wasn't there for you. I feel like you only really want one person in your life, and when they aren't there you settle for me until they come back. How could I not when you move so fast?...1/2

#mental health #spilled thoughts #mental illness

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hoodiewithhorns · 3 years

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━ using your safeword scenarios p.2 ★

characters : koshi sugawara, atsumu miya, kotaro bokuto

i decided to make this the p.2 and include suga since like 3 ppl asked for him so yeah !!

p.1 + m.sterlist + requests

(please read the rules before requesting ty.)

▼ cw : not proof read, f! reader , size kink + not enough prep , spanking, dumbification, degradation, daddy/master kink, dacryphilia, hurt + comfort, red! used as safeword, authority kink, angst, established relationship, all characters are 18+, MDNI ▲

Sugawara

- he was always a softie to you

- praising you at everything you did and calling you a goodgirl too <3

- but when you reunited with your friends from highschool they all talked about how their partners would go rough on them bringing you curiosity on the thought of suga being rough with you

- they teased you for having such a soft boyfriend while they went on and on about how you should try it out too.

〜 ☆

- you wondered what would make him tick so you tried being a bit bratty when you got home

- you’d reply with “make me” and he was clueless he’d just go “uhh..okay? can you please sit down?”

- having enough of it he confronted you about it

he hovered over you on top of the couch, staring into your eyes with worry. “y/n what’s gotten into you today? are you okay honey?” his voice was soft, full of concern. you sighed avoiding his worrisome gaze at you. you felt bad for making your boyfriend become worry about you. he at first assume you had a bad day with your friends since you never acted so bratty towards him.

you took a deep breath now turning to face him completely, with your face slowly heating up. “its nothing koshi..i just wanted to try something” he titled his head in confusion at your words. “you wanted to try to be a brat to me? why would you wanna do that?” your cheeks now fully red in embarrassment. “n-no i thought maybe you could be a bit more um..rough with me..” he blinked a few times to analyze what you just told him.

i-its fine if you don’t want t-to!” you covered your face with your hands while he sighs in relief glad you weren’t having a bad day. he chuckled, pulling you into his arms to have you seated on his lap. “now what brought this up my love?” he asks kissing your forehead while he roams his hand through your hair. “well.. my friends said they really enjoyed it when their partners were rough with them and i just wanted to try it out so i thought being bratty might you know...make you wanna put me in my place and stuff..” you shyly spoke as you fiddle with your hands, a sign of nervousness he’s picked up from having dating you so long.

“you sure baby?” his voice now sounding serious. the sad part was you weren’t entirely sure if you wanted this. feeling pressured to do it if you were being honest. you were fine with the way sex with suga was soft, nice and sweet. you did enjoy when he would speed up his thrusts when his high was approaching, but even at that you’d let tears fall at the stretch of him going fast.

ignoring your uncertainty, you nodded looking him in the eyes. he could tell you were still nervous, but if you were okay about it he couldn’t say no to his princess. he kissed your cheek while getting close to your ear, whispering seductively “well since you were all bratty don’t you think you deserve a bit of punishment?” you looked up at him with clueless eyes, clenching your thighs together at his new tone.

“um o-okay..koshi-”

“master, let’s go with that alright princess?”

you nodded letting him position you down on his lap, your stomach on his knees and head resting on the couch cushion. “ you know the safeword right darling?” you tried to look up at him, but your movements being limited.

“yes koshi..”

“koshi?” he questions.

“ah i-i mean master!” you quickly corrected yourself.

he patted your head smiling at your obedience. “goodgirl..now then” he tugged the waistband of your skirt smirking at your eager wiggle for him to remove them faster still felling uneasy, but full of anticipation at what suga had in store for you. “now now, be patient you’re not supposed to enjoy your punishment you know?”

“m’ sorry master..” he slid your skirt down, removing it finally, tossing it to the side of the living room, leaving you with nothing but underwear that was soaked with your juices. he rubbed soothing circles on your asscheek before he placed a mean slap on it. you jumped at the unexpected sting, your eyes starting to water with no tears falling just yet. “such a naughty thing huh?” landing another slap on your ass rubbing it to sooth the pain. the sting feeling good but the words he spoke starting to get you, breaking you down one by one.

“what happened to my goodgirl huh? she came home so bratty..such a badgirl.” your pupils shrunk at the fact he called you bad. goodgirl was something he’d always call you making you blush and smile but the fact now you were his badgirl set something off in you.

you wanted to push the feeling off you really did, but the slaps on your ass made you feel hazy and your tears started to fall on the couch. “why so quiet?you sure had a lot to say when you came home. is my badgirl finally gonna take her punishment like she’s supposed too?” slapping your ass once more leaving hand prints on it now that were bound to stay for awhile.

you didn’t respond, instead you just sobbed in on yourself feeling small and pathetic that the fact he called you a badgirl was enough to make tears stain your cheeks. he froze turning you to face him on his lap. “hey baby you okay?was it too much??”

“r-red..” finally speaking, he quickly pulled you in his embrace peppering your faces with kisses letting out soft apologies. “why’d you force yourself baby?” he whispers kissing you softly yet full of love.

“i-i’m still your goodgirl... right? i didn’t mean to be bad i promise..i thought i could take it but..” the feeling of guilt starting to take over you.

“but what baby you can say it i won’t get mad, i could never” you rested your head on his shoulder wrapping your arms around his neck.

“i couldn’t..i like it when you’re soft with me..c-can we do that instead?? please master!”

he smirked at the fact you called him master, it made his cock twitch in his jeans. relief he didn't hurt you, he started kissing down your neck, letting one hand wander up your shirt to play with your hardening nipple.

“of course. whatever my goodgirl wants. just please never force yourself to do anything ever again till you’re 100% okay with. got it?”

“yes master.”

Atsumu

- this man is kinda like kuroo

- heavy with his degradation.

- you didn’t mind ofc!! he’d reassure you he didn't mean what he said with his aftercare

- but tonight, he told you to ride him since you were being extra needy for him.

- he wanted to tease you and not fully give in and help you cum just to mess with you and have you beg.

-and well...he may have mixed in some dumbification.

- lets just say you might have taken some things to heart.

he clicked his tongue disappointed at your attempts to bounce on his cock. it hurt just dropping onto his dick but each time you bounced on it, you could feel the painful drag stretching your walls open making you sob. “come on..that all you got? it’s no fun having a dumb crybaby on my cock.” him calling you dumb catches you off guard, but choosing to ignore it you tried again this time quickening your pace.

he didn’t even let a grunt at the feeling just staring at you with a look of disapproval, already panting in exhaustion. he sighed getting tired of seeing you’re pathetic movements, he pushed you back down to take initiative having his cock still stuffed inside you. you let out a yelp at the unexpected change as he started rutting his hips into you, using your hips as support to hold himself, you moaned gripping his shoulders for support as your eyes rolled back to your head.

“was that so hard? i thought dumb needy sluts would try harder to try and get what they want.” he tutted, ramming into you meaner and harder, his cock grazing the tip of your cervix. you choked out a sob trying to look back at him, starting to not like were this was going.“m’..i was trying my best daddy..”

“were you though? as always my dumb slut needs her daddy to step in and help her since she can’t do anything right.” the last sentence making your heart stop and everything around you freeze. did he really see you this way? as a dumb needy slut who can’t do anything right? you thought back to all the times you needed his help even beyond sex like when you’d ask him to help you get something that was too high up for you at a store, needed him to walk you home cause you weren’t strong enough to defend yourself.

all these memories making your head feel dizzy. did he mean it??he never complained he was always happy to help his girlfriend. you started to continuously sob out apologies. your tears being easily mistaken for tears of pleasure, which only turned him on even more.

“aw.” he faked sympathy for you with a frown, grabbing your chin to look at him. “its okay, daddy will find a use for you. after all the only thing you’re good at is being a dumb cocksleeve for me to pump full.” his eyes were dark when he spoke almost sadistically. the pleasure you were once receiving from him started turning to pain making you scream.

“no more!! red! red! please atsumu stop!” he pulled out the second you tried pushing him off.

he took a step-back watching as you slowly breakdown in front of him. he was scared, terrified even at seeing you so hurt you went as far as to use the little strength in you to push him off.

he got off the bed running to the bathroom to grab a towel to wipe you. he returned sitting at the foot of the bed slowly approaching you with shaky hands. proceeding to wipe your tears away with it, glad you didn’t flinch at him.

“hey..no more tears it’s okay its okay─i didn’t mean it i swear!” his voice cracked, with his eyes starting to water as well. you flipped yourself over to rest your head on his thigh. “thank god.” he mumbled looking up in relief. he was scared you were mad at him or was mad at him forever.

the room was silent for a few minutes with only the movements of atsumu playing with your hair telling you over and over again how sorry he was.

“am i really that useless atsu..?” you mumbled, the thought of you calling yourself useless, being drilled into your head by atsumu made his heart sink. he quickly corrects you, pulling you up off his thigh into a tight hug, swinging you back and forth like a toddler.

“NO! NO! thats untrue! i-i’m so sorry you’re not useless! you a very useful pretty baby that i love more than a-anything so don’t ever say that!” his tears falling down his cheeks hitting your skin. you started to feel your tears come up again too. you didn’t precisely see him cry, but you could tell by his broken tone he was almost as hurt as you.

you wrapped your arms around him, as he gripped onto you tighter, scared you’d runaway or leave.

“i’m sorry baby....i promise to never call you those things ever again.” he promised pulling away to look you in the eyes. you smiled making his heart skip a beat.

“let’s go to sleep okay prettygirl?”

Bokuto

- he can get out of hand

- i wouldn’t say bokuto would be as rough vocally as the previous ones.

- HOWEVER, his cock is something you’ll never get used to

- each time you two did he had to prep you and even then it still hurt.

- you never complained though it was always temporary.

- he came home after a stressful game and only won because of pure luck.

- he was tired and needed to blow off steam immediately

- you being his cute wife was happy to help <3

he sloppily kissed down your neck, unbuttoning your shirt to have a turn at your breasts. you bit your lip to suppress your moans. “come on baby make some noise will ya?” he said removing your shorts completely before sucking at your clit making you wince, your eyes screwed shut at the pleasure. he began to stuff a finger in you feeling you clench around his finger.

“yeah just like that─fuck you’re really wet baby.” he licked his lips at the sight of your wet cunt. removing his finger completely, while running his thumb up and down your folds. he was getting impatient wanting to just ruin you already. he unbuckled his pants removing it quickly not remembering how big he was compared to you. removing his boxers just to let his cock spring free. you opened your eyes to see his tip slowly enter you.

“w-wait bo! need more p-prep!”

“come on baby your a big girl right? you can take it.” your head fell back into the pillow as tears streamed down your cheeks at the stretch. no matter no many times bokuto fucked you it still hurt. you gripped a chunk of the bed sheets in your fists tightly, holding onto it for your dear life.

he slowly went in you fully throwing his head back at how your gummy walls clenched around him so tightly. he knew it hurt you but it brought him a lot of pleasure that it did. the fact your tiny little hole would stretch pass its limit just to accumulate his fat cock was almost enough to make him cum right there.

he stilled for a few seconds, only to thrust roughly into you like a man starved of lust. you screamed as his fat cock dragged along your walls at the abnormal pace. you didn’t know if you could last if you were being honest, it hurt it really did. normally, it would last a few thrusts but this time it lasted way too long for your liking.

“bo! please s-slow down─ah!” he sped up his paces being too lost in his own pleasure to hear you. “bo!” you screamed still not getting his attention.

feeling uneasy you let out a yell of the safeword “RED!” he halted his thrusts looking down at your face that was streaming with tears.

‘oh no oh no i─ baby i’m sorryyyy!” his hair flopping down going into his emo mode. he collapsed on top of you falling on your breasts looking up at you like a wounded puppy. you chuckled and played with his hair while he hugged you tightly. still in you.

“ its okay bo..” you smiled while he got off your breast to cup your face kissing it softly.

“i’m sorry i didnt realize i was hurting you baby─ do you want me to stop we can stop!-”

“no bo its okay!its okay!” you quickly reassured kissing his cheek falling back on the bed rubbing your remaining tears away.

“just go slow okay? then when i’m fully ‘adjusted’ you can go fast and as rough as you want.”

you whispered making his emo mode fade away and his face light up with glee like he just won a prize.

“r-really? as rough as i want?” he asked making sure, you smiled in response. “yes bo. just start slow okay? i promise.” he nodded placing his hands at your sides to thrust slowly into you. he lowered himself to you and you wrapped your arms and legs around him while he began to kiss you passionately.

☆〜

bokuto’s is really soft he’s a goofball and i love em sm. also never wrote for suga before?? i hope you suga stans liked it tho it was kinda hard to write him since i don’t seem him as the type to degrade his partner he’s just here to please his baby.

i still am taking requests all links are above and down here. remember to drink water. oh and heres the m.sterlist in case you missed it <3♡

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writer-akihiko · 3 years

Note

TW First year students x fem! MC who's secretly a demon princess, who will they react to her powers when they found her in her demon form?

First Years + DemonPrincess!MC

I had fun with this prompt in general, and I hope I made some fun scenarios that you like!

Warnings: Bullying from other students and hurtful words, Epel is censored because Vil doesn't allow it

Sebek Zigvolt

He forgot to give you back your notebook from class, so he had to go in the evening

If Sebek remembered correctly, in his 'I'm A Good Boyfriend' notebook, you said you usually rested in the evening

"YN, I'm here to deliver your notebook!-"

"Go away Sebek!"

He was appalled. You've never scolded him in such a way before!

He quickly fished out his notebook, and he flipped to a page where Lilia had lectured him on what to do when you were feeling down

"Here it is…" He muttered

He barged in your door, breaking down the rickety door, "YN! I am here to comfort you!"

"S-Sebek?!"

He almost dropped the notebook. He was surprised at you appearance, as he saw horns on your head, as well as tattoos on your skin that he's never seen before

"YN… You're…"

You sighed. "Yes Sebek, I'm a dem-"

"You're a Fae! Like me!"

Before he got too excited, you settled him down and explained your appearance

He felt ashamed of himself for his initial behaviour when you explained that you were a princess. He doesn't really mind that you're a demon, in fact, he understands you more as people of his world usually misunderstands Fae-kind

In general, he's quite amazed anytime you demonstrate your powers

He lowkey wants to see you and Waka-sama have a showdown with magic, but his heart knows it'd hurt to see you in danger

Ace Trappola

He got held back by Professor Crewel due to some argument he got in with Grim

He asked around if anyone else saw you, but much to his shock, he found you surrounded by some other students. Again

He wanted to pummel their faces in, but now looking at you, you seemed calm…

In the blink of an eye, a net of dark magic appeared underneath the students, trapping them at their ankles

Ace had his mouth open as horns and wings similar to the colour of your hair started growing from you. What freaked him out more was that the wings weren't made of feathers… They looked ripped apart and made of the same magic he couldn't identify

"A-Ace!"

Upon seeing your boyfriend, you flung the students away into the Garden with your magic. Someone would find them later…

"U-Um… This…" You got embarrassed, feeling shy in your demon form

"THAT WAS SO COOL!"

Ace then pestered you to tell him where you learnt such magic, although he might've accidentally grabbed your horns the wrong way

He listened carefully, since it caused you such discomfort when he touched your horns

He didn't think you'd be a princess…

"Wait… Does this mean you have a demon father?"

You nodded your head. "But my brother's the Demon King at the moment… Why?"

"I need to mentally prepare myself if your demon family want to kill me since I want to propose to you after graduation…"

Deuce Spade

You and Deuce were nervous, since it was a magical mana exam. It would dictate certain classes you'd be able to take next semester…

You were the last to go, and your boyfriend cheerfully waved at you as he gave a thumbs up. He must've passed the test…

You had to remind yourself to control your mana, otherwise you'd have some explaining to do

As you let the teacher examine you, you couldn't help but notice that there was some kind of barrier around the orb you were practicing with

As you removed the barrier, you realised that it was a trap by the teacher!...

You couldn't help but pour your normal amount of magic into the orb, which, put on a show around the students as they marvelled at the dark magic

"Well," Principal Crowley announced, after you were done with your examination. "You'd best be coming with me."

After a long talk with Crowley, you were surprised that Deuce and Grim were at the door, eavesdropping at your conversation

"I overheard… I was worried about you…" He admitted

Deuce however, was quite curious about your appearance, so after his and your dinner, you allowed him to see you shift into your demon form

He did ask if it hurt, to which you shook your head

He admired your wings and your bigger, claw-like hands as you felt heat in your cheeks by the way he was intensely staring at you

"Y-You're adorable…"

Even though you towered Deuce's height in your demon form, it didn't stop him from giving you your usual goodnight kiss on the forehead

Jack Howl

He always wanted to show off his skills to you, so he invited you to a practice match against the Diasomnia dorm

He was against the first years of the dorm, so you silently cheered for Jack

As you were continuously impressed by Jack's speed, you couldn't help but notice a strand of magic tagged on him…

Your magical vision traced it to one of the students on the opposite team, who was passively reciting a spell to jinx Jack's next move

There was only the seniors… So it should be fine to stop that student this once…

You were too slow, as the spell had already whizzed through the field. You could still stop it from hitting Jack!...

You felt everyone's gaze on you as you interrupted the spell. Knowing that your appearance had changed, you shied away

Some students ran away, but Jack didn't. He picked you up, horns, feathers and demonic body parts, all of it and embraced you

"Hey! Stop looking at my girlfriend like she's a monster!" He growled

The seniors quickly punished the student causing tricks on the field, but some were still weary of you

Jack put you down, kissing your forehead. "Thank you precious for saving me there."

Eventually, you had to explain to the teachers what you were

Some dorm leaders grew afraid of you, but Jack didn't care. You were still his precious girlfriend

So what if you both were seen as monsters? He thought. The big bad wolf and the terrifying demon princess could live in peace and quiet, in their own space in the forest…

Jack thinks the whole thing is cool, but he is a little jealous that your magical abilities are so much better than his. You tell him he makes up for it in his physical strength

Epel Felmier

You and Epel were taking a stroll, on the way to the field for the MagiShift club

You promised to cheer him on, and you decided it would be a cheeky way to take some photos with your Ghost Camera

You comfortably sat next to Jack as you got ready to take some photos

Unfortunately, you weren't sure of the exact details, but a student decided it was a perfect opportunity to set off a prank near you and Jack

You weren't exactly in control of your own powers, so the impact caused you to scream and lose control of your appearance

The other students screamed in turned, seeing a 'monster' transform in front of them

Epel saw the prank beforehand, but he couldn't run fast enough to get to you

He couldn't think straight, he just had to make sure you were alright. So when he overheard the students yelling at you, he threatened them

Everyone was freaking out at your changing body, since your skin had different markings, almost like carvings etched into it and a pool of dark magic flooded below you

"I-I'm sorry I-" You tried to apologise, but others constantly berated you

"She's a freak! Someone seal her away!"

Epel couldn't stop himself from whacking the student who said that on the head

The other seniors managed to calm the students down, sending them away

You briefly explained everything to Epel, repeating your apologies to him

"Don't aplogise YN. Those idiots don't understand."

Epel, in all honesty, didn't care if you were a demon princess or a human or a fairy

Whoever got in the way of your relationship on the other hand, he'd pick a fight with them even though you were the one who could easily clean the fight up

"Hey YN, don't listen to em. They don't know how cool you are. As long as I'm the one you love, I'm okay with anything."

#twisted wonderland #twst #twst first years #sebek x reader #epel x reader #deuce x reader #jack howl x reader #ace trappola #ace trappola x reader #sebek zigvolt #epel felmier #deuce spade #jack howl #twst jack howl #twst epel felmier #twst sebek zigvolt #twst deuce spade #twst ace trappola

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favoniuscodex · 3 years

Text

mystery date. [ childe x reader ]

prompt: “you’re mine.” “when exactly did i agree to that?” w/ childe for my 2.5k follower event pairing: childe x gn!reader warnings: slight possessiveness (as dictated by the prompt), oh my god they were roommates (friends to roommates to lovers idk), reader wears makeup words: ~1.6k words

a/n: bro ur reader is gnc as fuck aaa childe brainrot...

you had first met childe when he joined the traveler's party. you had accompanied the traveler from mondstadt to liyue, deciding that it was one again time for you to pack your bags and depart the city of freedom. despite your adventures across teyvat, you had never stayed in liyue for more than a few days at a time.

initially, you had planned to follow the traveler to inazuma, but a single smirk from the eleventh harbinger of the fatui had told you to stay in liyue alongside of him. of course, this didn't mean you had a crush. not at all. you didn't want to kiss him stupid whenever he stared at you with that lopsided, cocky grin that he seemed to save only for you, nor press your lips to his bandaged wounds in hopes that your affections will speed up the healing process.

you two are merely friends-turned-roommates. childe, upon hearing that you potentially wanted to stay in liyue, had immediately offered you the spare bedroom in his apartment in liyue harbor. after your insistence as to how he shouldn't let you stay with him for free, he begrudgingly let you pay rent, albeit at a steeply discounted price. childe had been stubborn about the topic, but you even more so.

but the longer you lived with him, the two of you only had gotten closer. despite his typically outgoing nature, childe preferred to stay in the apartment more often than not during his free time, yet he always seemed to long for human contact. it hadn't taken you long to realize that he felt the need to stay inside out of embarrassment from the danger he had brought to liyue harbor shortly before the traveler's departure to inazuma.

so, out of respect and definitely not because your heart soared at the thought of spending more time with him, you had begun staying in too. childe had noticed the change and thanked you in subtle ways, yet hadn't outright voiced his gratitude. it was one of those things that the two of you had understood without outright saying it. however, the harbinger wasn't clingy nor overbearing. he never requested your presence unless you offered.

but today, as you get ready in the mirror of your bathroom, childe shuffles past the open door in a typical set of pajamas, decidedly having another night in. you, on the other hand, have dressed yourself up in a slightly nicer-than-usual outfit and were now leaning in close to the mirror, applying a thin layer of eyeshadow.

"oh?" childe's inquisitive voice causes you to jump a little, startled by his interruption. "what are you getting all dressed up for?"

his voice lacks any form of accusation, but rather genuine curiosity. you turn and grin at him with partially-complete makeup.

"ah, just meeting a friend for dinner," you say and childe raises his brows in intrigue. the vagueness of your words lures him in as you were usually the type to be abrupt and forthright about everything with him.

"a friend?" childe asks, narrowing his eyes slightly at your mischievous expression. he's not a complete idiot -- he knows exactly what you're trying to do. you're trying to bait him into a conversation about this, especially with the way your eyes glint with the hint of a challenge.

"mhm. it's his turn to pay, too." you giggle and childe's eyes darken with jealousy at the implication of your words. got him. you think victoriously, excited at the way the harbinger leans against the doorframe, folding his arms over his chest.

"oh, it's a guy? hm," childe says, trying to act nonchalant, yet the both of you know full and well that he's doing a piss poor job of hiding his conflicting emotions.

"yeah! he's really nice and we seem to get along well," you continue, knowing provoking childe with your words was akin to poking a sleeping bear with a stick. you look at him with wide eyes, feigning an expression of innocence. "do you think i should ask him out?"

"no." childe blurts out, before blushing furiously at his own words. he looks slightly mortified at himself and you have to bite back a laugh, instead choosing to raise your eyebrows in surprise.

"why not?" you ask, lacing your tone with confusion. sure, it was a bit evil of you to do this, but despite all of his fatui harbinger training, you realized childe was... rather easy to deceive when it came to understanding your emotions.

childe falls silent, lips pressing into a line as he thinks of what to say. his blush only worsens, but the lopsided smile that you love so much returns to his face as he stands up straight. with his weight no longer on the doorframe, childe takes a step closer to you, hovering his face just a short distance away from yours. with an eerie calmness you've only heard him use in battle, childe speaks his following words.

"because you're mine."

childe states it as if it's been obvious the entire time, yet you're still taken aback. sure, you were his from the moment you set eyes on him, immediately smitten for the man who seemed to fit together with you like two adjacent puzzle pieces. however, you had never expected him to outright say such a provocative statement. you're left reeling by his words, but you quickly pick up the pieces together, not wanting to admit that the harbinger was correct to his face.

instead, you egg him on further.

"when exactly did i agree to that?" you challenge, narrowing your eyes. childe's brows furrow slightly at your goading tone as his eyes flit over your face, staring just a moment too long at your lips to still be considered friendly, but the bridge between friendly and whatever the hell this conversation could be considered to be had long since been crossed.

"that's how it always has been, right?" childe asks as his ocean blue eyes swim with amusement, yet you can see a faint nervousness in them, as if he's afraid you'll call his bluff.

"i suppose," you concede and childe's eyes widen in surprise at the casual nature of your words. "but still, what's stopping me from going out tonight?"

childe's arm wraps around your waist, pulling you in closer. his face leans in close to yours, yet he hesitates before fully closing the distance between the two of you, not wanting to overstep any boundaries. deciding to answer his question before he can ask, you grasp the front of his shirt and press your lips against his, balling up the loose fabric in your fists. a hand of his fumbles its way up to the back of your head as he returns the kiss with the passion of a man starved and you are his next meal.

the kiss feels scorching as he backs you into the bathroom counter. his enthused reaction confirms that you weren't the only one desperate for this moment to happen, especially as he seems reluctant to pull away for air. yet he does and the two of you stare at each other for a brief moment, air rife with tension.

until, of course, you break out in a fit of giggles. childe stares at you in confusion, yet he can't help the lighthearted smile that crosses his features as you find enjoyment in the situation.

"uh," you begin as you catch your breath. "you know i was only going out with zhongli tonight, right?"

childe's expression drops at your words. "you were going to ask zhongli out?"

"no!" you laugh. "no, i just wanted to pretend it was some guy to mess with you. if i had known you would actually kiss me over it, i would have done it sooner."

childe laughs in shock at your words. "you're evil, (y/n)," he curses you, yet his tone is playful.

"says the harbinger," you shoot back and childe rolls his eyes.

"says the one who willingly kissed said harbinger," he teases back and you laugh once more.

"i'll do it again, if you'd like," you offer and childe's eyes widen slightly in excitement.

"i mean, what i would like is to take you on a date, but if you want to kiss until then, that's cool too," childe brazenly suggests, yet you can hear the slight waver of anxiety in his voice. you grin devilishly at him.

"yeah yeah, but only if i can call you my boyfriend," you insist. you relish in the way his expression lights up at your words and his arm finds its way around your waist once more. he stares into your eyes once more, yet this time, his expression is one of admiration, rather than one that requests permission.

childe places his lips upon yours and you feel like you're flying once more.

EXTRA:

"sorry i'm late!" you say, shuffling into the opposite side of the booth, across from the brown-haired man that looks at you in amusement. his amber eyes flit over your outfit, yet his gaze is nothing but friendly. he's quiet for a moment as a smirk appears on his face and you narrow your eyebrows.

"i take it your plan went well," zhongli finally chuckles. you stare at him in shock as zhongli's gaze returns to the menu in his hand.

"... how'd you know?" you ask, confused and the ex-archon looks up at you with a knowing glance.

"you're not typically late," zhongli says and questions begin to fly through your head as to why such an occurrence was an indicator in a change in your relationship with childe.

"and," zhongli adds. "your lipstick is smeared."

#childe x reader #genshin impact x reader #childe #genshin impact #axia's writing

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