#parents affect children more than you'd think - don't have a child if you don't own up to your emotions or consequences of your actions

[distort-opia]

Do you think that Bruce, having lost his parents very early, has a very romanticized view of his own parents? You know, when you're a kid you remember something like that but... Things sometimes are not like they looked like. I ask this because more and more adaptations are appearing in which Bruce's parents were not nice to him or were even criminals. And to a certain extent, I kind of like it because most of the rich people in Gotham are criminals to some extent and I kept wondering why the Wayne's were so good... But I don't know if that's the case in the comics' Canon timeline.

Oh yeah I definitely think Bruce idealizes his parents, and especially his father. Multiple canonical comics have shown that his parents weren't perfect, not by a long shot; they loved Bruce, but they were also busy people with issues of their own. Meanwhile, Bruce was clearly an anxious child, deeply affected by his parents' occasional neglect... and his father, Thomas, didn't much like Bruce being so "emotional". There's more than one comic in which Thomas scolds Bruce for it, and Bruce has reactions that speak so much towards a desperate need for validation from him. Let's just say, it makes a lot of sense to me that Bruce ended up exhibiting certain toxic behaviors towards his own children. And that he internalized an idea of masculinity and fatherhood that's not the healthiest, either. Someone recently asked me about Bruce's traumas in childhood, and you'd be surprised how many are connected to his parents, and specifically Thomas; here's a link if you're curious (I cite many sources for the examples above).

Overall I'd say that in canon, Thomas and Martha Wayne aren't downright shitty horrible parents, or anything of the sort. Yeah, other adaptations basically made them criminals or abusive, and suggested that Bruce just repressed the bad memories or overwrote them (like in Batman: Damned, for example) but... I think the current picture suggested by canon is more compelling. Bruce's parents loved him and they tried their best to be good to him, but they were also flawed. The darkness that Bruce exhibits on more than one occasion was there in them too, as multiple alternate Universes show. Flashpoint has Martha turn into the Joker and Thomas into a brutal and unforgiving Batman. Batman/Superman #18 shows us a world in which Thomas was killed, but Bruce and Martha survived, with Martha establishing herself as a powerful person in Gotham's underworld, targeting criminals and villains because of her obsession for keeping Bruce safe. And I think all this is how it should be, Bruce's parents should be portrayed as complex individuals with a darker side too, simply because reacting to his parents' murder the way Bruce did isn't something anyone would do. For him to react so strongly, to dedicate his life to never healing and refusing to let go... tragically, it makes so much sense that before all that, Bruce deeply craved his parents' love and affection, but wasn't getting it enough. It makes sense that, if you take a child with insecure attachment who's already deeply hurt by any sign of neglect from his parents, and you have his parents die in front of him-- the ultimate form of being left behind, being abandoned-- he wouldn't respond in the healthiest of ways. It follows that he'd end up defining himself by that trauma, and forever fear loss.

#[sigh] there's a reason the Batfam is so big after all #man's need for connection is a black hole that never gets filled #it's only equal to his fear of losing the connections he creates. hence the seemingly contradictory reality #of Bruce having so many people around him but being so distant and avoidant #Bruce's character at the end of the day is just. 'fear of loss vs. fear of being alone: FIGHT' #asks #bruce wayne meta #bruce wayne #batman #my meta

[depravitycentral]

i just read the profiles for phinks n nobunaga and i have to say theres no way darling isnt preggo or anything

(HEAVY on nobu,this man wont 100% even get birth control ,phinks may get it if asked but 🤰)

Tw: mentions of abortion, forced contraceptives, non-con, kids/parenting, mentions of children being raised in unhealthy environments, the usual really

Ooh, I hadn't thought about this!!

You're absolutely right - with the sheer frequency they fuck you and the volume of cum they give you, you're gambling with fate. You'll eventually fall pregnant, this is true - except I actually think more Phantom Troupe yanderes would force birth control on you than you'd expect.

Of course, not condoms. But pills maybe, or even an IUD.

Most of them genuinely don't want kids - of course, they love you and crave domesticity with you, but they're not exactly keen on having a few brats running around, all sticky and gross and hogging all your attention. They like the situation you've got going now - you're theirs, all your attention, time and love going directly to them, and why ruin a good thing?

Plus, the lifestyle they've forced onto you isn't exactly conducive to a healthy, safe atmosphere for a child. The constant stress, stagnation of being in one room or home constantly. (And in Chrollo's case, the constant moving from one hotel room to the other, never staying in one place too long.) And while they all have mixed feelings about their own childhoods in Meteor City, most of them aren't eager to give a child another traumatic youth, like their own.

It just doesn't make sense to get you pregnant - but of course, certain members are more cognizant of this fact than others.

Let's discuss!

Chrollo, of course, doesn't want children. He's never been particularly fond of kids in general, and his possessive tendencies run so deeply that he can't stomach the thought of you having another outlet to channel that attention and love. It's his, he's worked hard to cultivate your feelings for him, and he'll bask in the glory, feeling your eyes on him and hearing your voice speaking to him only. It's part of the way he slowly breaks you down, too - making sure you're utterly alone, no human contact outside of him, all to make sure that you grow dependent on him, needing him, if only just to stay sane. A kid would fuck all that up - besides, he can't stand crying children.

His solution is and IUD, deciding that it's worth it to have long-term precautions against you falling pregnant. The procedure is quick, and although it hurts, he likes that he can fuck you freely now - he can come inside you as often as he wants, as deeply as he wants, and it probably won't take. (Besides, there's something oddly intimate about standing over you while the doctor inserts it inside you - Chrollo's staring with wide eyes, amazed at the way you stretch to accommodate the size of the appliance, all while making absolutely sure the doctor isn't letting his gaze linger on your pussy for too long - it would be a real shame if he were to get too familiar with something that is rightfully Chrollo's.)

Feitan is kind of paranoid that you'll get pregnant. He absolutely does not want any snotty nosed, sticky, loud, irritating little things running around, getting into things they shouldn't or stumbling upon his torture tools. He's always hated kids, and even though there is something appealing about the idea of claiming you and filling you with his seed, it's all in theory and not in practice.

He so vehemently doesn't want kids that he's even doubling up on the birth control methods - he'll force you into an IUD, and even make you get those estrogen injections every three months. (Is it safe to be using both methods simultaneously? Probably not, but it's been working so far, and you don't seem too affected by the influx of hormones.) He's not taking any chances, and on the off chance that you somehow end up pregnant, Feitan will quickly and swiftly do whatever he has to to terminate the pregnancy. However, as diligent as he is, there is one category that he's a bit lax - he won't wear condoms, even if you beg him to. He doesn't like that he can't feel you when he's got them on, a layer separating the most intimate part of him with the most intimate part of you. He'll always tell you to shut up, not really giving you an explanation as to why he refuses, but it really just has to do with making sure that he gets to feel all the warmth, wetness and texture of your walls - and, so that you can feel every drop of hot, runny cum he fills you up with.

Nobunaga actually doesn't even consider the fact that you could get pregnant. It's not a facet of his delusions regarding you, but simply something he just forgets about - he sees your future together so clearly, imagining you staying his cute little thing for the rest of your lives, and a child doesn't fit into that picture, so why should he bother thinking about it? He doesn't want any kids, if only because the dynamic he's established makes you feel coddled and like a child yourself sometimes, and Nobunaga doesn't want your attention to be on anything but himself.

But of course, with how often he fucks you (and the fact that he'll never wear a condom and he'll always come inside), it's only a matter of time before a scare occurs. It's only a matter of time before you wake up one morning sick, terrified that it might be a sign that the cum he'd fucked you full of a few nights ago had been particularly fertile. You'll have to beg him for the pregnancy test, but he'll get it for you, standing by your side the whole time you're taking it. (He might even hold the stick for you as you pee - just to make sure you do it right, you know.) By some stroke of luck, it'll come out negative, but the scare is enough to have Nobunaga briefly snapping back into a bit of reality and deciding he needs to make sure this doesn't happen again. He, like Chrollo, decides that an IUD is the best solution, if only because once it's inserted, neither of you will have to worry about it, and it won't intrude on his habits of fucking you raw every night. It's a perfect solution - he can't have a kid ruining the wonderful relationship the two of you have, and he's sure you agree.

Shalnark, in his heart of hearts, does not want a child. He has enough lucidity about his job (and about the way he feels for you) to know that he would not be a good dad. Maybe a good uncle, but surely not a fatherly figure - besides, having a kid around would mean having you constantly paying attention to something besides him, because god knows children need attention. And the idea of that leaves a sour taste in his mouth, a small pang of panic rushing through him because he cannot lose the way you look at him, the way you always perk up when you see him, the way he's finally gotten you to a point where you willingly kiss him and hug him. A child would ruin all his carefully crafted work, and irritate the hell out of him. Besides, he doesn't think he could ever truly love the kid - all the fondness and attachment he's capable of are already being fully utilized on you and the members of the Troupe, so the kid wouldn't exactly be cherished as they should be.

Shalnark prefers pills as his method of choice, but he's willing to be flexible and go with whatever method you want. (Again, aside from condoms.) He's just considerate like that, and maybe if you get to choose the method you'll be more inclined to be consistent with it and let it actually work. But if you do somehow end up pregnant, Shalnark would weigh the possibility of forcing you to end the pregnancy, or deciding that maybe this could be a good thing. The kid would be a good bargaining chip, useful in making sure you stay in line. Any threat against the child would probably work, convincing you to do basically anything he wants. It's an enticing idea, and one that almost, almost convinces him, but in the end he'll probably have the shot ready, giving you that familiar smile and telling that this won't hurt too bad, I hope! Really, it's a good thing the pregnancy isn't brought to full term - for both your sake and the child's.

However, there are a few members that would actually be somewhat okay with having a child with you - they're not dying to have one, but if you get pregnant, they'll just shrug and let it come to term, not taking any action to stop it.

Uvogin, for example, doesn't think he'd be too great of a father, but as long as you stay with him and you don't give all your attention to the little brat, he could get behind raising a kid with you. There's something kind of endearing about the thought - he'd be the kind of dad that would absolutely aid his kid in pulling little pranks on you, like spilling flour when you're baking or giving him access to finger paints right next to the clean, white tabletop. He's not a bad dad, per se, but your child will know how to incapacitate a grown man by the time they're three, so their childhood will be anything but normal. He's a fairly easy going as a yandere as long as you stay put in the house he's set you up in and you act loving and sweet, and he'll actually grow to love the child as well - it's still a bit deranged, but he does genuinely see the kid as someone to love and protect, and his feelings for them will be much, much healthier than those he harbors for you.

(Besides, fucking you while you're pregnant is a very, very enticing idea - he'll like the way your breasts grow heavy and sensitive, how your belly bump begins to show. It's not a fetish for him, but it makes him excited to see the way you're literally harboring an expression of his love for you, the baby growing inside you proof that you're his. The way you grow astronomically more horny during those nine months certainly doesn't hurt, either.)

Franklin, in general, lets you do pretty much whatever you want. He's mostly content just keeping an eye on you to make sure you're being safe and not doing something detrimental to your health, but outside of that he's pretty easy going. He'll fully let you choose whether you want to use birth control - he's genuinely ambivalent either way, because while having a kid with you would be kind of sweet, he'd be fine without it. If you don't want to take any contraceptives, he'll support your choice, though he'll keep a back-up set of pills in the cabinet (away from you, so you don't get any ideas) just in case you change your mind. He won't stop fucking you, though, and requesting he wears a condom is pushing his boundaries a little too far, even for him.

If you do request birth control, he'll set you up with some pills, being a stickler and reminding you to take them every day just because he knows you're forgetful, and you don't have access to technology to keep a running alarm. It makes him just the slightest bit nervous to have you take them, though, if only because there's always this lingering worry in the back of his mind that they'll somehow harm you, or that you might choke on them. It's silly and he tries to repress it, but he'll always be hovering in the doorway when you're taking them, one of the rare times when he'll invade your privacy in the bathroom.

Phinks actually secretly hopes that you do get pregnant. Because he's fantasized about having the sweet, perfect domestic life with you, it's hard not to image a baby in your arms, a little squirt running around with action figures in hand, seeing tiny little shoes sitting next to yours and his. It's not something that he's desperate to happen anytime soon, but it's a far off, whimsical goal of his - part of what fuels him to always finish inside you.

That said, Phinks will bend to your will if you insist on using birth control. He'll grumble and run the back of his neck, telling you that that shit can fuck with your hormones, are you sure? I don't want you getting all depressed or angry all the time. It's a weak ploy to get you to rethink, but if you're firm he'll relent. He'll only provide you with the pills, however, because he likes that you could stop taking them, and immediately it would be effective. (Plus, it's incredibly easy to switch out the little white pills for sugar placebos, slowly waning you off the hormones so that you're ripe and fertile and vulnerable to conception. He'll act just as shocked as you are when you hold up the positive pregnancy test with trembling fingers, though internally he's already debating on when to bring up the list of potential names he's already created.)

So in general, you'll probably end up getting at least some form of birth control; despite all their individual differences, there's actually quite a few overarching similarities they all possess as yanderes. Birth control and their aversion to kids just happens to be one of them.

Honorary thoughts about the women of the Troupe - obviously they can't get you pregnant, but even they take a few steps to ensure safe sex.

Machi has so many issues with intimacy already that she doesn't really want to broach the topic with you, but she's got enough medical knowledge to be able to preform something of her own pap smear on you, just to make sure you don't show any symptoms of any STDs or anything like that. (Though frankly, even if you gave her one, she might not mind too terribly - it's from you, after all, and even if you have one she'll probably still end up fucking you anyways.) She'll try to be covert with it, too embarrassed to admit to what she's doing, but you'll probably end up noticing because why else would she be checking over the larger area of your crotch if she wasn't looking for some sort of rash? Save her some time - tell her you're clear, and although her cheeks will heat up to match the color of her hair, she'll be grateful for your intervention.

Pakunoda isn't shy about making sure that both of you are in the clear. She'll get you checked out by a medical professional (in part to check for any STDs, and also just to make sure that everything is healthy down there, no growths or unusual happenings), and will be extremely transparent about what's going on. She'll tell you exactly what she hopes to gain from taking you in, and while it'll make you a bit nervous that she's expecting sexual contact between the two of you, the honesty is kind of nice if only because you won't be left to guess. She'll also get herself checked out, too, because although she hasn't slept with anyone since her last exam, having the results in hand might help calm you and get you more open to the idea of having sex with her. Besides, getting to hold your hand while you're both in gynecologists' chairs sounds oddly sweet to her.

Shizuku, on the other hand, simply doesn't consider that either of you may have any STDs. She's not noticed anything strange on herself, and the thought just simply doesn't occur to her that you may have something. She's idolizes you, thinking of you as sweet and something of an angel, and while she knows you've probably slept with others before, there's no way you could have caught something. So, she won't worry about it - she'll have her way with you without even offering a dental dam or anything of the sort, because she doesn't think you need it. Besides, even if you did have something, it wouldn't stop her from fucking you, and eventually she'll end up with it, so why should she bother?

#yandere hxh #_lee answers #_hxh #_chrollo lucilfer #_uvogin #_nobunaga hazama #_feitan portor #_phinks magcub #_franklin bordeau #_shalnark #_shizuku murasaki #_pakunoda #_machi komacine #yandere hunter x hunter

[yanderu-deredere]

Hello!! Ive been slowly working my way through your ocs and can i just say!!! They are soooo tasty, your brain is very big, also linking the profiles is soo nice im terrible with remembering stuff so its a nice refresher

Anyway i was just wondering how do you think Ayaka would be with a childhood friend darling 🤔

a/n: SORRY ANON BUT YOU'VE HIT THE JACKPOT this is literally my SPECIAL INTEREST i absolutely DIE AND LOVE THE CHILDHOOD FRIENDS TO LOVERS TROPE

ayaka yamato ★ profile

being childhood friends with ayaka means getting to know the social media super star before she became popular girl material

before, her hair was pitch black and she also had a lot of acne. like now, she wore thick rimmed glasses but they were always plain black. she also wore a lot of formal clothes, chosen by her nanny. stuff like button ups, long pleated skirts, etc

as a kid, ayaka was basically caged so, to be her childhood friend, your parents had to have been really good friends with her parents

ayaka's parents often scheduled play dates with their good friends' children as a way to gain more social power among the rich

unfortunately, that's really the only way you could've met her before she began her rebellious phase

like frfr ayaka was basically isolated as a child. i cannot stress this enough lol

her little brother was doted on by her mom and her older brother was coddled by her father (since he's the heir) so, often times, she was left to her own devices

she, of course, had nannies and tutors but none of them really truly treated her like the child she actually was

to everyone she met, she was a yamato. and that was the only thing that mattered about her

this made her very hungry for affection and she took whatever she could get

and if you gave her any sort of affection? when she's starving? she'd eat that shit up and praise the ground you walk on LOL

though caveat to that is that you'd have to be in the same boat as her LOL becos she's always been easily jealous, especially back then, and if you were more free than she was, she'd resent you too much to get attached to you

she'd definitely use you as her guinea pig when she starts experimenting with fashion and make up too lmao

when she does go thru her transformation from goody good daughter to how she really wants to live her life, she brings you with her

but she won't let you become a socialite like her. no, you're only allowed to be with her, to be close to her, to be her friend

anytime you start slipping from her grasp, she starts isolating you until the only person you feel comfortable clinging to and depending on is her

"Do you think there's more to life than this?"

You looked up from your homework to see Ayaka staring intently at you, her head resting in her arms. She was pushing around one of the fruit peels that she'd left on the desk but it was obvious from her expression that she'd been serious about her words.

You considered her words for a second before cocking your head a little to the side "What do you mean?"

"I don't know... more to studying. More to being the kid of a CEO. More to all of this." She just huffed in reply before leaning back and crossing her arms "Feels unfair that we live like this."

I don't want you to live like this. She wanted to say but the words just stayed lodged in her throat.

Unfortunately, she didn't inherit a lot from her parents but she did inherit their inability to express affection. The sweetness, the love, always felt awkward and tough on her tongue.

She wanted so desperately to tell you about her feelings, to let you in and let you know, but all she could do was peel you clementines and sit by your side, hoping and praying that you'd notice her.

Certainly, if not her, you found yourself thinking about her words. You'd never really thought about that before. You were always following your parents' rules that it felt blasphemous to consider going beyond them, to see what it was like beyond the rules and the gilded cage.

Because you were aware. You knew the life they had you live--the life Ayaka's parents had her live--was one of imprisonment, doomed to never do what you wanted to do.

But you'd lived the life for so long that imagining what life would be like any other way left you drawing a blank.

"Let's start living life our own way." Ayaka suddenly uncrossed her arms and took your hands into hers, that eager grin on her face infectious "You and me. Nobody cares about me like you do, anyway."

"And nobody cares about you like I do, right?" There was something dark to her tone right then, like there was more to her words. But she looked so mesmerizing, so sweet, that you found yourself nodding.

Ayaka only beamed even brighter "We'll decide how we want to become, not our parents."

#yandere oc x reader #yandere x reader #oc x reader #yandere #female yandere #female oc #drabbles #ayaka

[waywardangel-wilds]

What do you think about Mother's role in characters' life of The Hunger Games series?

Do you think there is correlation of their situation with their action?

Thank you :)

@curiousthg

I love this. I get the meaty questions. Well, here we go.

A part of me thinks the author might just not have a good relationship with her own mother herself because we get not one but at least 2 characters who have bad relationships with their mothers in the main trilogy. Unrelated, but I also think it's a fun parallel how both Snow and Katniss idolize their fathers but one family is evil and the other one isn't.

I think the 'bad' mothers are written in as a tool to tell us about the character and to kickstart some character development as well. For Katniss, I think this part of the story is fascinating. Katniss tries to imply to us several times that she has divorced herself from any deep affection for her mother. Yet, the part I love most about this characterization throughout the series is that it shows us not only 1) how Katniss is very much still a child, but 2) how deeply Katniss cares.

When you truly emotionally divorce yourself from a family member (especially a parent) you don't think about them in the way Katniss does. (Forgive me if you disagree, but I think I can speak on this because I have done this and I truly never think of this person unless he is brought up in conversation). Katniss thinks about her mother in a manner that lets me know she is hurt in the way you can only be hurt when you still care and when you want the other person to show you that they care about you at all. Her feelings lead her to this sort of emotional 'stuntedness' where she disallows herself from love outside of Prim. I see that as a clear example of a hurt kid. When children are hurt in this deep emotionally visceral way they tend to snap back, kind of like a hurt animal. That's what I see here, and that's why I think Katniss is written this way. It's to show us 1) who she is and where she is in life, 2) how the structural injustices in her District have put her family and herself in this position, 3) set us up for her emotional journey throughout the series, 4) is a great example of just the humanity that's baked into Katniss's character.

So for Katniss's mother, I think that the situation is way more complicated than just the situation because it has a narrative purpose. But yes, I also (of course) agree that the circumstances that lead up to the situation are direct results of the environment. Katniss isn't the only one in the family who grew up in District 12, so by environment, I don't just mean the lack of depression treatment available to her mother after her father's death, I mean her whole life. Her whole life was complicated. Anyways, yes, there is a correlation between the situation and actions there but it's so much more.

As for Peeta's mother, there is nothing there for us to chew on. Just speculation. But I do think that what we see has great narrative purpose. Katniss's reaction to her own mother is (to me) one side of the coin and on the other side, you have Peeta's reaction / coping method. Where Katniss decided to shut herself off to people Peeta decided that people would be his weapon. Katniss sees connection as a threat or a weakness, and Peeta sees it as a possibility. At the same time, he doesn't shy away from emotions. We see he's very sensitive. I think that's because he sees connections as something valuable although he does develop the ability to use that to his own advantage, he remains capable of separating that 'survival' skill from genuine emotion, which I think is super cool, but also something you'd probably only find in fiction.

Do I think Peeta's mother is a result of her environment? Sure. From what I know about parents who beat their kids they are always the results of their environment to a certain extent. It's always a choice, but generational trauma is certainly a factor. So, same as Katniss's mother you'd have to factor in that she has also lived her entire life in a bleak and terrible place, but that is still no excuse. Katniss's mother didn't beat her kids, but she also didn't get up from that chair. Even when you're a victim there are still choices you can make, and Mrs. Mellark certainly chose wrong. Mrs. Everdeen always feels somewhat forgivable due to the mental health aspect, but she also chose wrong. I know women who've been horribly depressed, horribly horribly, and without any resources, but they still got up, didn't end their lives, and made the right choice for their kids. There's always a choice.

Anyway, sorry for that rant. I tried to stop myself from sharing personal details on the internet but this is a topic I know a bit about.

#the hunger games #thg #send asks!! #send asks

[furiousgoldfish]

My family are okay, and it could be a lot worse than it becoming more ... influenced these days? They've been listening much more frequently to gateway alt right stuff (in front of me at least) and gone a bit heavy in the religion aspect of stuff. Had a bit of a panic attack when they listened to some anti-lgbt stuff in front of me (in the closet)

They themselves were abused in their own childhoods (though they definitely wouldn't put it that way + normalized back when they were growing up) so maybe i should cut them some slack? Apart from occasional slaps on my hand and when i was younger they used to bang my head with knuckles a bit if they were really mad. Theyve apologised for it but do mention how back in their day it was way worse.

I dont know i guess ive been thinking much more about the future recently and how theyd HATE it if they found out some of the stuff i really think. Lots of yelling. Its embarrassing to talk about this with friends.

This sounds dumb when i put it into words but for years now ive been forced to keep a diary. I liked the idea of having one and writing down about my self so i went with it until one day i wrote about how mad i was at them. They read it despite me telling them not to and made me apologise and write down how sorry i was for doing that. There was a lot of yelling. I cried. They openly read what i write now and kinda force me to do it. ngl I kinda hate the thing now. Was that wrong of them?

maybe this is too vague for a checklist but request for one about signs your family is going down a conspiracy rabbithole/signs your parents are victims of misinformation would be nice. This ended up rambly im sorry.

Anon, I am so sorry, this sounds like an absolutely terrifying experience. You're blameless in all of this, you're perfect as you are, but your parents are actively participating in a hate group against your own person, in front of you, consistently exposing you to that narrative, and that is like being in the enemy's lair, isn't it? It has to affect your well being negatively, to hear those sorts of things, it's like you're forced every day to listen to perspectives of people who absolutely despise you, think you shouldn't exist or be the way you are, and who are ready to go and hurt anyone who is like you.

No, you do not need to cut them any slack. Were you any of their parents who did those things to them? No? Were you the founder of the culture where were hit, or force children to hit themselves? I don't think it's possible, since you weren't even born when that shit started. So your responsibility for this is zero. Yet these two people are coming at you asking you to be grateful they're not doing worse to you. Apparently by the logic of 'we had it bad, now you have to be grateful when we do bad things to you'. As if.

No person or being who was abused in the past, regardless of how badly, has the 'free card' to now inflict similar abuse on you. That is completely ridiculous and if that were true, than anyone abused would be going around hurting everyone else and it would be 'fine' because that person was abused as well. That kind of thinking only brings forth more abuse and trauma and nothing else. You did nothing to deserve any of that shit. If their parents hurt them, they should go ahead and take it up with their own parents. Except, they don't, do they? Because they cowards and prefer blaming and directing it towards their child.

If you had a kid, would you want that kid to be grateful you're hurting them slightly less than your parents are doing to you? It sounds insane, doesn't it. You'd want your kid to be happy and safe from ANY abuse, not paying for whatever anyone else has done to you in the past. Because that kid is innocent and did nothing to warrant bearing the burden of your past. And you are that kid right now, you are asked to bear the burden of the abuse that got absorbed into culture, abuse that your parents suffered and abuse they feel entitled to inflict onto you, and for what? It doesn't make anything better or fairer. It doesn't make the world a better place if you're getting hurt in it. If your parents think it's normal they can do it to their parents, thats none of your business. You're a kid brought into that family by no will of your own, subjected to horrifying shit and told you should bear it like it's normal. It's not normal. No child deserves this.

I also have to say that banging your own head with knuckles is especially vicious and victim-blaming abuse to do, I'm sickened by the very thought, and if they felt sorry for that, they would have never done it. It sounds like they'll do just anything in anger and expect 'sorry' to fix it. Sorry doesn't fix abuse. They shouldn't have slapped your wrists either.

The last part of your ask really had me in shock and horror, because that was such an intimate invasion of your privacy, and for them not even even feel sorry or ashamed for invading your private boundaries like that, but to be enraged you dared to feel anger? It's disgusting what they did. They should be so deeply ashamed. Any normal people would realize there's something wrong with them if their child is so mad and would take it as a sign to do some introspection and to evaluate whether they've been unfair, cruel, abusive or hateful to the kid, that is if they already went so far to read your diary without your permission, that they forced you to have!

Their reactions prove that they're so dead-set on controlling you, they even want to control your inner thoughts, convince you that you have no right to anger, no right to human feelings or human expressions, that you should be like a robot who only listens to commands and reacts in the way they want to. It's dehumanizing, disgusting and insanely cruel. You're a human being who's been hurt. Of course you're angry. You have the right to anger. You should have the right to express it in any way you want to, not just to write it in your private diary, but to yell and scream and fight back. But you got punished and had to take your own words back, when you did the least possible expression of it, writing it down privately.

Here's a post that feels relevant, explaining why it's wrong for parents to suppress anger in their children. Here's another one on importance of anger.

They know that any sign of your anger is a proof of their abuse, and that's why they're fighting so hard to suppress it. If they put that energy in trying to be good parents, they could have been great parents to you. They made their choices. Just based on this shameless and gross invasion of privacy and trying to control even your thoughts, it sounds like they have narcissistic tendencies, and they should not be trusted with a child.

I wish I could give you the checklist you asked for, but I have no experience whatsoever on parents, or people, who are being sucked into conspiracy theories, I think I've read articles about it, on topics like QAnon, explaining the phenomena, I'll try to find the post explaining why do people fall for conspiracy theories in general. Here it is. I hope it helps.

If anyone has more resources on conspiracy theories or knows about a checklist, please link it to this post.

#abusive parents #physical violence tw #child abuse #victim blaming #victim shaming #invasion of privacy #breach of privacy #punishing anger

[teaveetamer]

I am not an expert in American culture but if the goal is to protect children , shoul'nt they do something more useful like regulating guns ? I keep seeing new about little kids accidentally killing a family member because someone gave them a gun

The short answer is: it's not actually about protecting kids.

The long answer is: children are a useful tool in political discourse because they are uniquely vulnerable and completely unable to advocate for themselves. Either they're too young (<12ish) or society refuses to take them seriously if they try (12-17ish).

There are no children's rights groups run by children advocating for themselves, for example, like there are gay rights groups, trans rights groups, advocacy groups for people with disabilities, etc. AKA, there are no children who will push back on harmful policies aimed at children.

Children aren't going to be able to tell you what is actually best for them. Nor should they have to. Adults need to make those decisions for them 99% of the time.

"Think of the children" preys on the inherent ambiguity and fear a lot of good parents feel ("am I doing this right? What if I'm wrong?"), and can justify bad parent's horrible, potentially abusive decisions ("I was just doing what I thought was best! No parent is perfect!").

This means you can essentially do whatever you want as long as you trojan horse it in as "protecting the children". There will be some pushback, but there are enough people with fear and insecurity that your pushback will be small enough to overcome (and if it isn't, just proclaim the people trying to stop you as child abusers or pedos). But the people pushing these efforts don't actually care about children. They care about power, control, and political capital.

And you'll notice... when minors are actually old enough to tell you what they want, the political discourse will start infantalizing them to get them back to the "they can't tell you what's actually best for them" stage. Teenagers get treated the same as 4 month old babies.

Look at the recent shit about trans healthcare in the US. Often times the trans youth accessing these services are teenagers, 13 and older. But whenever you hear the fundies talking about it, they'll opine about 3 and 4 year olds getting abused and manipulated into wanting top surgery. To be clear - no one is doing that.

For reference, 15 is the age at which we allow minors to operate two ton death machines (cars) supervised in the US, and 16 is the age we let them operate them unsupervised. If you're a farm kid you can be legally driving tractors even younger than that. You'd think if you were old enough to do that then you'd be old enough to decide if you feel more comfortable with she/her, he/him, or they/them pronouns, but the people who want to exploit your vulnerability for political capital will always treat you like you're barely out of the womb.

That's why we're having endless legal battles over trans kids' access to health care, which impacts ~300,000 kids in the country (0.4% of the American child population, probably even less since MANY trans kids do not access gender affirming care and their transitions are primarily social in nature), but no one wants to touch the obvious gun toting elephant in the room. Which affects 73,000,000 children in the country and has quite literally surpassed car accidents as the leading cause of death for minors. Because guns get their own little advocacy group to protect them, but children? Fuck 'em.

#tw transphobia #tw csa mention #tw america #hopefully coherent I have a lot of feelings

[curseofsergei]

Sympathizing with Strahd (Tips)

Say you're running Curse of Strahd, and you'd like to make Strahd more sympathetic in the PCs eyes. Whether that's because you are open to the idea of redemption, or maybe as a way to manipulate the players...here are some tips on how to make your players pity Strahd in some way. As a heads up, this takes lore into account--so...spoilers! Also, there is some personal interpretation here. If you do not like something, there's no need to include it!

The tips go more into depth below, but include the following: his shitty relationship with his parents, his jealousy for Sergei, the Baba Lysaga, and other misc changes I've made before. Enjoy!

1. Abuse from his father

Strahd was the oldest son to a warlord, and likely got dragged into messy politics and desensitized to horrors at a young age. His father was a scumbag that rarely showed affection to his wife or either of his sons. In fact, Strahd being the oldest son meant a lot of pressure was on him from his father--and with that, some likely forms of abuse or neglect. Strahd's father was focused on making Strahd follow him in his footsteps. His emotional needs were not met by his father, and he witnessed his father's lack of love towards the rest of the family, too.

Emphasizing this relationship brings about the Nature vs Nurture argument--Strahd was a victim of abuse and neglect from his father, and internalized the "warlord" mentality at the cost of his relationships with everyone around him. He's putting on a facade of emotional strength.

2. Neglect from his mother

Not only was his father neglectful, but his mother was, too. Strahd is a momma's boy. He loved his mother. But his mother was scared of his father, and as a result, scared of him. Emphasize the fact that his mother gave up on him, and favored Sergei instead. His relationship with his mother was also strained due to the Baba Lysaga...which we will get into next. When roleplaying the mother, think about how she could only see his father and the Baba Lysaga in him.

3. The Baba Lysaga (Grooming CW)

The Baba Lysaga was the Queen's midwife--she was delusional, and fed an infant Strahd her very blood. She saw Strahd as her own child, and is the reason Strahd's mother eventually passes away. Strahd has never met her--to his knowledge. Emphasize her metaphor for grooming. She, with other parts of Strahd's upbringing, helped turn Strahd into who he is. She infused evil in him, secretly--and when caught, was exiled.

4. He wanted to be Sergei

Yes, he yearned for Tatyana. But why? Make it bigger than that. Strahd wanted what Sergei had: love. Strahd's father abused him--but since Sergei wasn't the oldest, he didn't face nearly as much as Strahd. Their mother favored Sergei, as he wasn't "corrupted" by the Baba Lysaga. Sergei had the choice to do as he pleased, and yet he was still loved. Strahd was not given those same choices, and yet, was never loved. Strahd wanted to BE Sergei (hence Vasili)--and that meant having Tatyana, too.

5. Misc Lore/RAW Changes

Change some bits of the lore here and there. Here are some changes I've made/recommend:

Gertrude. You can remove her completely, but I kept her in. What I did was make it obvious to the party that Strahd wasn't interested in her--but the bride enjoyed her company, and took her in as a "daughter" (since Strahd won't have children with them). Eventually, make Gertrude realize that her obsession with Strahd was more of a desire to escape her abusive mother. Don't make her a vampire.

Sergei's tomb. I emphasize the fact that Sergei's tomb is the most elaborate. And his body is still there--frozen in time. Make the party see Strahd cry in the tomb. Or even better, make it the final battle, too.

Use Ireena and Ismark as a metaphor for Strahd and Sergei. Ireena and Ismark have the sibling relationship that Strahd and Sergei wish they had. While Strahd cared for Sergei--he could not show it in the way Ismark shows his care for Ireena. Make Strahd jealous of it, and have him "test" Ismark to see if he "truly cares" (and be sure that Strahd's idea of "caring" for Ireena reflects on his own relationship with Sergei. Make him PROJECT.)

Make Rahadin care for Strahd. While Rahadin would never betray Strahd, make it obvious to the party that Rahadin cares for him. Rahadin was raised alongisde Strahd for much of his life and saw the brunt of his father's abuse. That scene in the Amber Temple should not be the first time your party sees Rahadin care for Strahd. In my campaign, Rahadin observes the party in hopes that they can find a cure for Strahd, but also protects Strahd from them.

Give character and motivation to his brides. In my campaign, Strahd saved each of his brides in some regard, and have his marriage circumstances be symbolic in some way. It does not always have to be good symbolism, but giving character to the brides (and Rahadin) should show your characters that Strahd has people who care for him--but Strahd can't see it.

If you include Sergei--let him forgive Strahd. This should break Strahd. Sergei was the reason Strahd was turned, and ultimately is what makes Strahd chase after Tatyana all this time (again, he wants to be Sergei). Sergei forgiving him, or even saying he still loves him, should cause some sort of breakdown within Strahd's character. In my campaign, Sergei reincarnates alongside Tatyana. Rahadin tasks himself with disposing of his reincarnations before Strahd notices them. One has slipped through Rahadin's fingers by being adopted into Madame Eva's camp. NOTE: Forgiveness doesn't mean that Sergei won't kill Strahd, or be the cause of his death in some way. He may forgive Strahd, but see that he needs to be given mercy (death).

#curse of strahd #dungeons and dragons #dnd #strahd von zarovich #mine

[klonoadreams]

Since Hilbert thinks his twin was a stillborn, does that ever affect him growing up? Like it's a touchy subject and what ifs

Even after Sawyer, they don't have a way to definitely prove that they're related, but imagine it's one of those "$25 blood test kits! See your ancestry!" they did as a joke to fill in a sleepover and BAM

Pokemon center has a Hilbert in the corner, going through all stages of grief at once, Cheren's trying to ignore the situation by talking awkwardly to his pokemon, Bianca was asleep, so she wakes up and why is Hilbert crying?

hvjrkhjbkb SO LIKE, there's an added layer to all of this on Touya/Hilbert's end, because despite everything, he always FELT like someone should be there. and it's a bit of a touchy subject because he never found out through his parents, but through a third party source that was being too damn intrusive for their own good.

Which is never a good thing, when you bring up the fact that he is SUPPOSED to be a twin, but what the actual FUCK. Now he KNOWS about it and has to deal with the, "who should be here with me?"

And it BOTHERS him. Especially whenever he comes across other twins. And he's like, on playdates with Cheren and Bianca, but he's still just "what if they were here?" and it just REFUSES to leave his mind. And sometimes, he just thinks, "Why me?"

This is brought to you by what I ended up doing to the BW player characters regarding their family ties, with Alder being their Dad (which will forever stay a constant because lmaooo).

Often, for his safety, the identity of his dad is kept a secret (if you know, you know), but that doesn't stop some people from calling him a bastard child, even THOUGH HIS DAD IS FINE, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. He's just kinda aimless, given the fact that one of the two children he had was a stillborn, and then one of his Pokemon died to an illness?????

LIKE CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT THAT DOES TO A PERSON??? So he just often wanders aimlessly, usually visiting during holidays, birthdays, or whenever he's in the area (surprisingly, a lot more often than you'd think, since his feet usually take him home when he's not at the League). He's a good dad otherwise....

...

Oh right - Benga. So here's the thing.... Let me go on a weird, long-ass tangent that is AAAALL related to this. I swear, it's relevant, it's just gonna be massive, so I'mma put a read more

fun fact: I had the "Alder is the Player Character's Dad" thing in my fanfic done BEFORE BW2 was released (meaning there was a gap of time after BW released both in Japan, and later, outside of Japan), and if you know how things were before X and Y, this means we HAD to wait after BW2 released in Japan before we got translations, so patches existed for roms (that is how I VERY much played Black and White first, by the way, it was the first Pokemon game I followed since its release in Japan) to hold us through until the official English localization released.

Originally, I had this elaborate situation because I legitimately thought Benga was Alder's son (before I later found out that, nope, grandson - again, translation to localization situation, it wasn't as convenient as it is now), where Benga was just from a previous fling that his Mama kept from Alder, until oops, "hey, I know I was kinda a dick before for ghosting you all of these years, but I'm dying...can you take him in?"

Now, I'm just looking at that, going, "you know what, Mama can fucking get it, being a Trainer who went on her own journey." She knows what she wants, and if landing the Unovan Champion as a husband is a feasible goal for her, then of course she'd go after it.

I like to think Mama was built different and had her own elaborate journey, where she spent at least ten years on her journey, just traveling around, dealing with whatever news she heard coming from overseas regions about criminal organizations, just absentmindedly collecting badges like "I should do that while I'm here" and then forgetting about everything else, like she's in an open world environment (like it's Scarlet and Violet, where I just went around, getting distracted by everything or in the case of my friends, going around catching everything on sight and also getting into areas they LIKELY shouldn't be in).

Truly an example of "We shouldn't have let ten year olds go on their own in this dangerous region" because by the time Touya/Hilbert is able to go on his journey, he's 14 - because that's the actual age limit (if you wish to go alone on a journey), added in to lower the trainer mortality rate (and region-wide concerns). Because LISTEN, there be Hydreigon in the wild and other mons that are capable of being hostile.

Anyways Mama was like 20 before she even caught wind of the Champion. Dude's only had the title for maybe a few years now - hard to say, since she was lowkey off the grid, because she was too busy catching Pokemon to help out her father and older sister with the Pokedex. Just field research to add more consistent variables to their data.

Like again, she was super casual on the Gym Badge side of being a Trainer - she just did her own thing before realizing, "I should try the League." and got the rest of her badges at the side. I mean it helps that she FINALLY ran into Alder. The stars fucking aligned, because Mama went "AWOOGA" and just her luck, Alder was single.

Anyways it took her like six years to get that ring on her finger, because Alder really was, "dude, there are better men out there - WHY ME" But nah, Mama picked him and wouldn't stop challenging him. She never really beat him in an official League battle, but she still did kick his ass every so often. Which, in the Pokemon World, is like a good way to appear attractive to others. :V

Where Benga comes into play, it's called Alder was a reckless older teenager that got into flings, like all teenagers tend to do. And being Pokemon Trainers adds another layer of recklessness. So you got two seventeen year olds just doing stuff like having one night flings that don't go anywhere...

Except oops, there's a baby, but whatever, orphanage time. Buh bye - there's no child support to collect from some rando one night stand, so PEACE. And then she left for an overseas region, never to be heard from again.

Seventeen years later, history repeats itself - only this time, the Baby Mama doesn't exactly make it through the birth like her bio mama, so now Alder is just being called up to collect his grandson - because SURPRISE, you're not only a father, but also, a GRANDFATHER. And by this point, the Champion Title makes it difficult to just keep this kid in an orphanage, so uhhh...take him. "You're like the closest living relative we can track down"

Anyways you know how Alder said there are better men? Yeah, he's like 34, with a grandchild to raise. And thankfully, he's pretty good at what he does - but STILL...A GRANDFATHER - why the hell does this lady want to go after him, when he has a grandson???

Anyways two years later, after one wedding and pair of rings, Benga is excited at the concept of being an older brother of sorts (really, he is an older nephew - AGAIN, it's complicated). And while things go south for one of the twins, he still does have Touya/Hilbert and they're raised together, even if Benga is a bit more feral due to Alder's influence.

All this mess, just to say that there's a lot going on with Touya/Hilbert - him thinking he was the surviving twin is just the proverbial cherry on top, given how much of a soap opera his life has become.

Really, him finding out about Sawyer is gonna blow his mind, but also make him all the more protective, after all the bullshit he's gone through. Genuinely just sobbing his eyes out, having a near melt down, maybe also even punching out Team Plasma too (physically with his fists) because WHAT DID THEY DO TO HIS SISTER. JUST LOOK AT HER.

She absolutely MELTED when she received a hug. The way she got emotional over a BIRTHDAY surprise. THE TRAUMA.

What's more, in that likely scenario, he can't just SAY that to her, like...without preparation. And while it was mostly a joke, because "lmao, we look alike, let's see if we're related in some way" before the truth is revealed.

And now Touya/Hilbert has this massive truth bomb to ease Sawyer into. LIKE

Being Touya/Hilbert is suffering.

#ask #pokemon #pokemon black and white #touya #hilbert #sawyer (oc) #alder #with friends like these (fanfic) #TEN YEARS Y'ALL #TEN FUCKING YEARS #things might have changed #but it seems that I still have a sort of soft spot to whatever mess of complications i decided to slap onto the BW player characters #feel free to ask me about sawyer #this is a mess lmaooo #BUT IT'S MY MESS

[starfieldcanvas]

do you have any experience with or advice for coping with terminally ill loved ones who are now on the edge of the end? you’ve always been very wise and thoughtful with your answers to things, and I’m feeling a little lost right now.

I've had four grandparents die, but all when I was either twelve years old or fairly distant from them in one way or another, and I'm not sure that's the kind of experience you're looking for - I was more supporting my grieving parents than grieving myself.

the most relevant experience is probably when @fleetingeternities died, because she was young - younger than me by a few years - and, although there wasn't a specific time estimate, i knew she had a disease that would eventually kill her (rather than the kind of neurological and physical decline associated with senescence.)

honestly, I don't feel like I handled it well at all...her brother emailed me to let me know she had died, because I was on a list of internet friends to contact in the event of her death, and he asked if i had any stories or memories i wanted to share for her memorial service. and i knew she'd had a decent relationship with him but she'd had such a complicated and contentious relationship with the rest of her family - namely, they repeatedly tried to stop her from talking to strangers on the internet about her situation and illness - that i didn't feel like telling them anything about how we had bonded over avengers soulmate AUs. so i just. didn't reply. i was just quietly sad.

that's after her death, though. before her death... well, she was already sick when i met her, although i didn't know HOW sick right away. i think i dealt with it basically by repeatedly reminding myself that not everything is my problem to fix, and that what she needed was for me to be her friend and to not make everything about my own distress, even indirectly.

i will now collect what i have learned from her death, deaths in my family, and deaths in my community into what i think might be helpful to you.

1) dumping out

you might have encountered this concept before, but in case you or any of my followers haven't, it's an important one for anyone dealing with a secondhand trauma: dumping out.

Think of any crisis as a target with rings around it. The person experiencing the trauma directly - in your case, your terminally ill loved one - is at the center. If they have a caretaker, such as a spouse or an adult child doing the bulk of the care work, that person is in the second circle. Dependent children would go in that circle as well. Very close friends and any immediate family members who no longer live in the home probably come next. And so on from there, with the outer rings less affected by the crisis than the inner rings.

We all have to talk about crisis in order to process it, but it's important to "dump outward" when you wordvomit your struggles onto someone. The caretaker is likely under a lot of emotional strain, but if they try to process their grief and worry by talking it out with the terminally ill person, that's "dumping in". Instead they should "dump out" to someone less immediately impacted by the situation. And so on into the outer rings.

It sounds pretty obvious when I say it like that, but there can be kind of a wounded-animal instinct to keep the grief in, regardless of dump direction; there can be a fear that talking it over with someone less affected will spread the sorrow rather than ease it; there can be a natural assumption that the most affected will understand the best. So sometimes people dump in instead of out, and sometimes they resist dumping at all. Or they dump so far out that they have no sense of shared sorrow - if you're very close to the crisis but only talk to people 100% unimpacted (like me) that might not satisfy your needs much as you'd like.

I guess it's just a reminder to make yourself available for some "dumping out" from the people one or two rings in, and make sure you have folks to "dump out" to yourself, that you can categorize as less impacted or at least only similarly impacted as yourself.

That might help with being more systematic in your coping: thinking of yourself as ferrying emotional burden (and possibly caretaking burden as well) away from the center of the crisis and out towards the fringes.

2) ritualize your grief

Enact your own rituals. If other people suggest rituals, do your best to participate. There's a reason humans have been inventing mourning rituals since before we were even homo saliens sapiens, and it's not base superstition. It's that rituals help us process. They trigger our sadness in a way that helps us connect to each other and collaboratively process that sadness.

So, assuming you can still talk to your loved one, have an intentional interaction where you ask them a question about their life you never knew the answer to; tell them something about yourself you never said, and ritualize it somehow - associate it with an object or piece of media. Do it together with fellow loved ones. Doodle together on the same paper or listen to their favorite song together or interact with literally any other thing together that will be a sappy Important Last Memory Attempt.

If they're past that now and you haven't already done something you feel falls into this category, then do something ritualized with other affected loved ones. I know when my mom's mom was passing, my mom and my aunt sang a hymn together at her bedside, a practice which would work nearly as well with a secular song. You can google "deathbed vigil" for great practical advice if you're going to be physically present and providing support during the person's last hours.

But even if you're halfway across the country, you can still do some sort of ritualized memorial-like thing in your loved one's name, and it's important! It helps! It's not magical or religious, it's very very real.

3) hugs are good

Hug people. Hug fellow grievers, hug unaffected folks offering you support, hug pillows and stuffed animals. Nice long hugs, aggressively hard hugs, leaning on each other side-hugs. Get that oxytocin flowing. Touch. Touch touch touch touch. Including people you don't normally touch. Not to the point of true discomfort for anyone involved (that would be the opposite of helpful) but do your best to crank it up a notch.

What I remember is a tendency to sort of - hunch up. Tense up. Hold very still. And when I hugged people it was permission to unclench and let a little feeling out.

4) crying is good

Don't stop yourself from crying. Encourage other grieving people to cry. It's obviously fine if you don't feel like crying, but if there are tears anywhere near the surface, don't hold back. It's good for you.

There is, I think, a tendency among both religious and secular groups to try to make death into a happy thing. "He's with the Lord now" or "She had an amazing life and now she's returning to be one with the universe" all Do not stand at my grave and weep style. If that's how things are going in your vicinity, then make sure you clear some space to be actually sad! Do stand at that grave and do weep! It's sad when you lose someone, regardless of how great their life was or whether you believe you'll see them again in the hereafter.

5) make hot meals happen

If you're not in the home of the dying person, then make casseroles for that household. Or if you can't make casseroles then some other heat-uppable thing that can be dumped on a plate or bowl and function as a meal on its own, like lasagna or pot pie or chili or stew. And if you're not in the immediate area, then use a delivery service.

You can contact them to coordinate, but don't make them ask. (If the ill person is part of a religious community or other community organization, there may already be a meal schedule you can join!)

If you're in the household of the dying person, anticipate that cooking is going to be hard immediately before and after the death. Consider pointing friends and family to a website like MealTrain or CareCalendar to ensure your household gets hot meals regularly while they are weighed down by deep grief, providing hospice care, and possibly hosting out-of-town relatives coming in for the funeral.

----

and that's that, Dove's incomplete guide to death!

I'm sorry you're going through this, and sorry for your loved one. Let me know if there's anything else I can do to help.

#💜 #asked and answered #love #death #dove.txt

[the-dream-beyond]

Episode 29 - The Science and Soul of Animal Companionship with Dr. Megan Mueller

Dr. Megan Mueller 

Because they live in our households or for children in particular, it can even be almost more upsetting for them to lose that pet than maybe a relative that they don't spend a lot of time with. And I think just for parents to know that, that that's normal that the pets are part of their everyday life, and that is a real distraction in their daily routine...

Nik Tarascio 

There's almost nothing more complicated than having to make decisions for someone else, or something else that doesn't have its own voice that can't speak clearly. And so today's conversation really is about that. It's about our relationships to animals into pets, and these these things that we love so much, but have no idea exactly what they want. Right? It's easier in our life to take care of family when you know, they can verbalize what they need and what they want. But in this case, we're guessing and we're trying not to project too much of ourselves onto what they want. And so today's conversation is with one of the leaders in the field of understanding and studying the human-animal connection, how we are because of it, the impacts it has on us the way that therapy animals affect us. So I hope you're really trying to understand more deeply, how to navigate the very complicated and extremely beautiful relationship that we have with animals. I think you really enjoyed this episode.

Welcome to the dream beyond. I'm your host, Nik Tarascio. I'm a CEO musician, an overall seeker of Truth, inspiration, and simply put, how to live the most fulfilling life possible. Growing up surrounded by extremely wealthy and successful people gave me unique and unfiltered perspectives of those who have seemingly made it that on the dream beyond, we're letting you in on what it really takes to achieve your dreams. What happens when it turns out your destination isn't the promised land you are expecting how to process the lessons from your past while mapping a course to true fulfillment. Let's get started.

Everybody, thanks for tuning in. I'm here with an associate professor of human-animal interaction at the Cummings School of Veterinary Medicine at Tufts University. She's also a developmental psychologist. Her research focuses on the psychology of the human animal bond, particularly amongst adolescents and their families. And she serves as a dedicated board member of Tufts Paws for people therapy animal group showcasing her commitment to enhancing the well being of individuals through the human animal bond. Please welcome Dr. Megan Mueller. Thank you for being with us.

Dr. Megan Mueller 

Thank you so much for having me.

Nik Tarascio 

This is one of my most exciting podcasts I'm going to be doing in a while, like I love all the topics but this one's kind of near and dear to my heart. Because I grew up with pets, and not that long ago found a dog on the street in Nashville. And it just completely changed our world. So really curious to kind of hear your perspectives on how that you know how that human-animal bond changes people or affects people. But before we dive in, I did want to start with as a child, what did you dream you'd be when you grew up. What was that? What was that early dream for you?

Dr. Megan Mueller 

Well, you know, my early dreams were centered around animals as well. So I always thought I wanted to be a veterinarian. For a long time, that was what I thought I was going to be. And I found my way back into the animal profession. But when I got into college, I really developed a fascination with psychology. I think it's so fascinating how we interact with other people and the world around us that I was able to sort of bring that interested animals back into my interests with psychology, but I've always had that passion for animals.

Nik Tarascio 

That's awesome. And how did you know on this path to psychology, when when did the animals sneak back into the narrative for you?

Dr. Megan Mueller 

Well, you know, animals are always there in our lives, right? They have their I think that's the best thing about pets is that they're there for everything. So, you know, it was always in the back of my mind. But when I was in graduate school, and I was studying developmental psychology, and really understanding what is it that helps you thrive, and came across this emerging field of the psychology of human-animal relationships, and I just thought, you know, what could be a more interesting thing to study but how people's relationships with their animals helped to enhance everyday life, and especially for teenagers, how they can really support thriving. A lot of times when we talk about teenagers, we talk about the, quote, bad things that they do. And I just thought that looking at the lens of human-animal relationships really helps us to explore the positive sides of teenagers and of anybody, so it felt like a really nice way of combining those interests.

Nik Tarascio 

I think that's nice to hear for sure. Because it does seem like it's a lot of the jokes of like the terrible teenagers and they're entitled and all that stuff. So I'm I'm curious what what was it about the that age group that specifically was of curiosity to you?

Dr. Megan Mueller 

Well, I think it's such a fascinating age. It's when we're really developing our social relationships. We're really starting to move from our social relationships, the just the family to outside into the world and simultaneously developing a sense of purpose and drive in the world. And teenagers are really passionate about many things, and really figuring out what it is that personally drives them. And I think our relationships with animals are a really interesting window into that, because they are a really important social relationship. But also can be a way that teenagers derive purpose and meaning and feeling a sense of connectedness to the rest of the world. So it's a great environment to study all these different things that are going on the development of empathy, how we connect with other people, how we understand that what our needs and wants aren't the same as everybody else's interaction with animals is a great way to sort of unpack all of that.

Nik Tarascio 

Yeah, I mean, I think to my teenage years, I grew up with dogs. And I'd say like, I've always had my most loving self around animals, specifically dogs, I feel I still struggle with people. Like, I still find that there's like a little bit of a lack of safety and a real sense of vulnerability of like, This person can hurt me, but I don't think an animal has that intention. Although I think back to when I was, I think it was 19 or 18. And my first girlfriend had bought me a dog for my birthday. And I always like selling I had a dog growing up, like as a, you know, as a teenager and into my 20s that I think back and like, actually, my parents took care of the dog, like, I wasn't really the one taking care of anything. And so on some level might move. I don't know, if I would fail your study, if you were like, yeah, there was one person who really didn't get it, they didn't really connect to the animal. But I do think it's, I've never really been able to frame that out, as I think I've really learned love in the capacity of the human-animal bond. And it's so unique. So what is it about? You know, if you could really explain the human-animal bond, is it as clear as it as it sounds? Or is there more to it, when you explain the science of the human-animal bond?

Dr. Megan Mueller 

There's really so much about it. And what I think is so fascinating is that it looks different for different people and for different animals. Even if you have relationships with multiple kinds of animals, I, I think a lot of you know, when you're talking about with your experience of the sort of feelings of love and safety comes from this idea that pets feel like a non-judgmental type of social support, you know, they they are present, but not bringing their own judgments to whatever the situation is. And sometimes that's what we need. I think sometimes as humans, we don't do a great job of just listening and affirming and maybe not jumping to what are we gonna change? What are we going to do differently, and animals provide a space for that non-judgmental emotional support. And so I do think that's a big part of it.

And it really feels like animals bring their authentic self to the relationship, they're not bogged down in a lot of the other things that we as humans are bogged down in. And so I think for a lot of us, that feels like a really genuine and authentic connection. And so that might be some of the core underlying principles. And then our perceptions of social support are really important, and how we perceive stress and how we adaptively cope with stress. If we feel like we have social support around us, that allows us to better cope with any types of stressors that come our way without getting overwhelmed. So it links to not only that relationship that happens in the moment but also how it might impact how we react to other things in our life.

Nik Tarascio 

But also what what surprised you the most as you as you explored the topic? Was there anything that really was like totally a surprise to you? Or did it all just kind of line up with like, yeah, that'll kind of makes good common sense.

Dr. Megan Mueller 

So, you know, one time I had a reporter asked me, Why do you even study, it's a human-animal bond. Don't we just know the animals for us. And I think that's what I got into the field assuming is that our relationships with our pets are going to be universally beneficial. But in fact, that's it's really not the case. Just like any other relationship, there are so many things that can impact it, whether it's the quality of that relationship, the time that you spend with a pet, other types of pressures, do you have access to food? Do you have access to affordable veterinary care? And so I think the thing that surprised me the most was how complex these relationships are, and that they're not just a panacea for everything that ails us, that we have to think about.

What are the things about relating these relationships with pets that are good and beneficial? Where are their challenges and how can we help people overcome those challenges and sort of normalize when there are challenges such as caring for a sick pet? That That doesn't make the relationship any less valid, but then we have to help people and support them through that relationship. So it's just much more complex than I think I really realized when I got into the field. But on the other hand, it makes it much more interesting. And I think it provides us the opportunity to help people and animals if we start to understand what some of those complexities are, one of

Nik Tarascio 

the probably the most complex things I could imagine, for me, as it relates to Athens probably for a lot of people is it's like the first interaction, I imagine for a lot of people with death. Right? It's like the, as children, we kind of see that and we work with that. Is that is that some of the stuff you've looked at in your studies as far as how that affects children? How it affects teenagers?

Dr. Megan Mueller 

Absolutely, that's the thing that nobody wants to talk about is the hut. Aren't we often outlive our pets? And what does that mean for our relationship with them? I think for children in particular, it's actually a really important developmental opportunity till burn about death as part of the normal life cycle. And to begin to understand what those feelings mean, I experienced that with my own children, having the loss of a pet, and how that actually prepared them later on for when their grandfather passed away, that they had a conception of what this meant, what it was going to be to have that loss. So I do think for children, it's a really important experience, we shouldn't view it as just a downside to having a pet that it actually does help with practicing managing these feelings. I think for adults, one of the big challenges is, we actually as a society do not have a lot of great ways of dealing with death, we try to pretend like it doesn't happen. And so really making sure that we have the space for having some rituals around remembering a pet, understanding that it is normal and appropriate to have grief around the singer pad that's similar to grief round losing a human, and tried to provide some more support for that. So you know, while it is certainly not a pleasant experience for any of us to go through, I do think it's an area of growth for a lot of us to learn to be able to manage those feelings in our productive lives.

Nik Tarascio 

How did you get your own family? If you're comfortable sharing it? How did you frame it in preparation for that moment? And then what were some of the rituals on the backside that allowed your family to really connect with what was happening? Yeah,

Dr. Megan Mueller 

it was. So it was our guinea pig actually, who passed away. And for my son, who was three at the time, it was definitely the first time he had experienced death. So it gave us the opportunity to talk about what that means, right. So that she he kept asking a lot of questions about When is she coming back? And is she coming back? And where is she. And so it was a lot of sort of repetition of those types of things, talking about what it meant for that animal to die. And then on their types of rituals, like thinking about the things that we remembered about her and what we enjoy doing with her draw things about her and having sort of a burial, and that those types of things can help, especially for children, bring some kind of closure to it. And that sort of gave him the structure for thinking about it when his grandfather passed away that he was able to connect that experience he already had with our guinea pig. And you know, talk about, oh, you know, this is what happens because my grandfather died, this is what it means. And I think he was better able to process. That's not to say it wasn't hard still, but he had some of the structure to think about.

Nik Tarascio 

Yeah, that's, oh, that's got to be a very confusing thing for a three year old. Absolutely.

Dr. Megan Mueller 

I mean, it's confusing for us as adults to and she says, you think about three year old or even a five or six year old who's just grappling with that. And the other thing is interesting about pets is that because they live in our households of for children in particular, it can even be almost more upsetting for them to lose a pet than to maybe your relatives that they don't spend a lot of time with. And I think just for parents to know that, that that's normal, that the pets part of their everyday life. And that is a real distraction in their daily routine. So just to sort of accept that and help them through it.

Nik Tarascio 

I have friends that have gone through situations where their pets got really sick, and they had to kind of make this call of like, How much am I willing to invest in this circumstance? And it's, you know, again, it's a family member for all practical purposes. As you said, they live in the home. How have you seen that come up in conversations of people kind of facing that, like I'm not an endless resource? Where am I actually being? am I lacking compassion by keeping the pet alive and this discomfort versus saying Wait, maybe it's time to go home?

Dr. Megan Mueller 

This is one of the big challenges that we have as guardians of our pets is that unlike human relatives that we might be helping through this process. They can't tell Tell us how they're feeling and what their wishes and desires are. So it puts us in a difficult position of trying to understand what their quality of life is and what they understand about the situation. So it's one of the most stressful parts of end of life for, for pet owners, and making a decision of adding these in Asia can be really challenging, especially if it's not crystal clear, there might be some situations where yes, it's completely obvious. But often, it's this sort of gray area where you're talking with a veterinarian who, who knows a lot about what's going on with the medical situation, but might not be seeing what's happening with the animal on a daily basis. And what has been found in the research is that making this decision about euthanasia is one of the most stressful parts of the loss of pet, perhaps even more so than the actual loss of the pet. And that there might be feelings of guilt or grief around making this decision. And so it's really, it really is a challenge and can be a burden on people to, to try to feel like they're doing everything that they can for this beloved pet, but also not keeping them alive past the point at which their quality of life is diminished. And that's a very hard decision to make. And it's really, it's this double edged sword of you, as the person who lives with this animal is probably has the most information to make this decision. But it's also the hardest to get perspective on because this is a member of your family. Have

Nik Tarascio 

you found that? Like, are there any best practices, belief systems anchors that I mean, I understand there's really no way we could ever know what the animal actually wants. But I would also assume that there's probably something that has worked better where you say, Look, I've observed someone processing this better than someone who said, I'm just gonna ride it all the way to the end, or like, Hey, we're cutting it off right now.

Dr. Megan Mueller 

I think it is really important to have a veterinarian that you have a good relationship with who can give you the information that you need. So you feel confident in making this decision. Not that the veterinarian is going to be the one telling you what you should or shouldn't do, but giving you information. So you feel like when you've made that decision, you can feel confident that you did the right. I think that's the most important part is feeling comfortable with that decision. I think the other piece that's important to remember is that animals don't perceive like the lice in the same way that we do. And so sometimes it's hard to not put our human conception on them. And that's just hard to understand, you know, how much are they suffering in the moment? For what type of extended lifespan and understanding that that calculus might be different for an animal than it is for a human?

Nik Tarascio 

That's yeah, that's a great perspective. I imagine we often do that we project our experience on to

Dr. Megan Mueller 

us, I mean, anthropomorphism is a really interesting concept when we're talking about human animal relationships, and how we humanize their behaviors and their actions. I mean, even if you think of everything from children's movies that depict animals, and are they depicting them as people who are standing upright and dressed in human clothes, are they talking? What are they saying? Well, you know, we put all of our human conceptions on to animals, and on the one hand, it can elevate the status of animals in society. Because if we feel like animals are closer to us more like us, we're more likely to invest our time and resources in caring for them, because they're part of our inner circle. On the other hand, are we assuming things about them that are not true? And are we assuming that they had the same wants and needs and desires as we do? So it's a really interesting, double edged sword.

Nik Tarascio 

So now we're gonna I mean, I appreciate we started on the dark stuff, right? We went right to the hard conversation, and most people like I'm avoiding this reality as much as I can. When my dog licks me, does he love me? Or is it the salt?

Dr. Megan Mueller 

That's a great question. And you know, I honestly don't know the answer to that. That's a great,

Nik Tarascio 

glad you don't know, actually, I'm glad if you because I'm, like, worried someone's gonna say, No, it's just the salt, right? I really like to that point of, you know, I do see it as like, this is an expression of love and care. And then on some level, like, I actually don't care what it is, if it makes me feel that way. Good enough. That narrative, it seems to serve my, my experience of being connected to him. But to that end, I think that so many of us have our funny ways of speaking to our pets, and we do interpret their behaviors in certain way. Is there any way to really better understand where pets are and I will asterisk with this, I recently spoke to a pet communicator. And again, I know that that's out there probably does not fit in the world of psychology or science at all. But have you seen anything that from a scientific perspective, you could say actually, there are better ways to understand what this means and is it the vet or is it somebody else?

Dr. Megan Mueller 

Yeah. That's it. That's a great question. And there's a lot of great dog behavior folks and Tapi eater folks out there now who are doing wonderful work of trying to translate what we know about animal behavior to methods that the public will be able to consume. And so there's just a lot of great research going on right now. Now, my research is more than the human behavior side of things. So not as much of an expert on animal behavior. But folks who are experts in this area, the science is just incredible. That's really developing about how we view different types of behaviors, what different behaviors actually mean, you know, something that a dog is doing that we might interpret as one thing, I'll give you just a quick example, which is yawning. So typically, when we see someone a person yawn, we assume that they're tired, right, or they've caught a yawn from someone else. And with dogs yawn, and commune, a number of different things, including stress. So something you know, we have to be careful about interpreting behaviors we see in animals as human behaviors when they're not. And a lot of these behaviors are doing just great work on translating these behaviors for the general public, the general pet elders so that they can better understand their pets. I think a lot of people really want to understand their pets and giving people the science tools to do that is important. And then there's a lot of really interesting brain research going on right now about dog cognition. And you know, what dogs are perceiving what that means in terms of their brain activity. And there's just some fascinating science going on around just what's happening in their brains.

Nik Tarascio 

That's really cool. I'm gonna, I'm gonna look more into that stuff, for sure. And I, I think, kind of going forward from I thought we were gonna stay out of the darkness. But now we're gonna go back a little bit to the darkness. When I'm curious about like, depression, anxiety, you know, a lot of the conditions that we're seeing like there's a huge mental health crisis, obviously, at least in the US, probably in other parts of the world as well. What is the science saying about the effects of pet ownership having a pet in your home as it relates to those kinds of things?

Dr. Megan Mueller 

Yeah, I mean, that that is the question that a lot of people are interested in, basically, can pets help support our mental health. And what's interesting is that their research is complicated about it, we see some research that shows that having a pet might be beneficial. But we show other other research shows that it's not. And what's really fascinating about this is that we don't have the ability to do studies like we would with, you know, say, a new drug for depression, we're going to do a randomized control trial where half the people get the drug, half the people get a placebo. And we see what the differences, because you can't do that with X ray, people want to decide whether or not they have a pet and what type of pet they have. So it's hard to get around the fact that people who have pets may be fundamentally different for people who don't. And that people may also choose to get a pet because they're feeling lonely, or they're feeling anxious, and they feel like having a pet might help them with that. So then if you look at well do pet owners have higher anxiety than those who don't? That's kind of muddling the effect findings. So the research is just a little bit less clear on that. And what we're looking at now is, can we have more longer term studies where we can see over time, what are the effects of having paths. But you know, a lot of the mechanisms are there. We think that especially for people who are living alone, who might be feeling lonely, having a companion in the household could help reduce that loneliness. For folks who might be anxious about being out in the world by themselves having you know, a pet with you might help with that. So it's just a little bit more of a complicated answer than I think maybe the general media would lead you to believe that getting a pet will solve all of our mental health challenges.

Nik Tarascio 

In your personal experience, or just, you know, even if it's a non professional perspective, are there times when you'd say someone should definitely not get a pet if it because I do think a lot of people are trying to solve something or fill a hole or find something that they don't currently have? The times you'd say, Absolutely not do not do that, or I'd recommend not. Yeah,

Dr. Megan Mueller 

that's a really interesting question. I don't know if I have had sort of a hard and fast answer about that. But I do think that thinking carefully about how a pet would fit into your life is always really important to make sure that expectations meet reality. I think that's that's where we want to be careful is that when we're maybe putting a little bit too much on the path that we're we might be expecting them to completely cure us of whatever it is that that that might not be a reasonable expectation and understanding that that's are also a lot of work and that you know, there's some stress associated with it. So I don't think that I would ever tell anybody not to get a pet but just to sort of think through the decision carefully to make sure it's a good fit for their Life,

Nik Tarascio 

moving into the therapy animal side of things. You know, again, I'm curious to hear more about the program, first of all, so we could start there, if you could tell us a little bit about what you are doing with what was the program called again.

Dr. Megan Mueller 

So our program at Tufts is called tufts Paws for people. But we are a chapter of this national organization, Pet Partners, which is a big national group that has done a lot of work of really trying to professionalize therapy animals so that we know that teams are well trained, that they are safe and have all these health requirements. And there's been just a huge amount of work over the last several decades in turning Animal Assisted interventions or, you know, interventions involving therapy animals into a really high quality therapeutic practice. And so therapy, animals work in all kinds of different settings, they might work with mental health professionals, they might work with physical therapy, occupational therapy, there are just so many different ways in which therapy animals can be integrated into different types of interventions. And what's great about therapy animals is that they are so motivational, that, you know, it's so much more enjoyable to engage in whenever that therapeutic activity is when there is an animal there so really helps to increase enjoyment and whatever the intervention is, and really motivate people to continue with it.

Nik Tarascio 

What's some of the examples of applications where you've seen great success?

Dr. Megan Mueller 

So there, there have been a lot of? Well, what's really interesting is the biggest request we get right now is for college stress relief programs, college students are feeling the effects of the pandemic and stressors. And having these programs where during final exam period, we bring in therapy animals, and you know, into the library, and when they're wanting to take a break from studying, they can come interact with the animals, and just as a way of de escalating the anxiety in a, you know, short, but I think, really powerful way. So those programs are really popular. There are lots of therapy, animal programs that work in hospital settings that will go around to folks who are staying in a hospital, which is obviously a very stressful situation. And even just that short contact with a therapy animal can help reduce that momentary stress or anxiety.

Nik Tarascio 

If I had therapy animals in my college, I probably wouldn't have dropped out,

Dr. Megan Mueller 

right? I mean, it's a lot of in college, a lot of students are really missing their pets at home, that that was an important way of how they coped with their stress and anxiety that's now not with them. So that can be a nice little bridge for them.

Nik Tarascio 

How is the therapy animal trained? I mean, I'm curious what what what does a therapy animal in that context doing that a, an untrained animal might not do?

Dr. Megan Mueller 

So um, mostly the evaluation process is around? Well, first of all, does that animal enjoy interacting with people, that's the first part of it, you really want them to enjoy being with lots of different people a greeting them, but also that they are used to things like hospitals have been something like the floor is very unusual for a dog the different smells, the different machines, sights, sounds, noises, that they're accustomed to all of that. So it's not stressful for them, and that they're behaving in a common or appropriate way. And then also, the handlers screened as well to make sure that the handler is really being a good partner for their dog or their other animal. And, you know, I think what's great about these trained therapy animals is that they really interact with people in a calm and safe way. And maybe having your own dog with you would be great. But, you know, you think about maybe bringing your dog into a hospital setting with lots of stuff going on, you really want to have a dog that's used to that, say, with regards

Nik Tarascio 

to, you know, I've heard a lot of the belief that people are generally mirrors to us, like, if we're triggered by someone, there's some aspect of then we, you know, we don't want to admit in ourselves versus really adore someone, maybe there's an aspect of us that we really appreciate about ourselves, our animals mirrors in the same way, have you found on the bond that that ends up being part of it? Or is it very different? That's,

Dr. Megan Mueller 

that's a really good question. I wish I had a true scientific answer for that. It would be fascinating to look at that, from a research perspective, that's sort of always where my brain is go. I do think that because of the anthropomorphism we do tend to sort of project things on to animals because they're not able to as clearly correct us as maybe other people are. So there is that I don't know if I would call it a danger. But just something that we have to watch out for that when we're projecting our feelings onto animals. What does that need for that?

Nik Tarascio 

What about, like, horses? For example, I've heard a lot more lately about things like Equus training or something like that, where they're putting people in these contexts where they're saying, Hey, we're going to train you how you're showing up as a leader. Have you have you interact with that stuff at all.

Dr. Megan Mueller 

So I'm a lifelong verse person. So always write out verses, verses are fascinating, because they are just extremely intelligent, very social creatures that have very complex social behaviors with each other, but they're very different from dogs. And they obviously don't live in our homes. So they're just, you know, I could talk for hours about horses, but anyway, they are, they are definitely being integrated more into therapeutic settings. So, therapeutic services with horses are really popular, especially physical therapy, occupational therapy, just the movement of a horse can be really a really powerful therapeutic tool, but also mental health treatment as well. So I think when you're sort of referring to is that there is some work around how vs behavior might reflect our behavior. And there are some programs that do a lot of work in that area where for example, if you walk towards a horse with really expressing body language, they're going to hightail it out of there. And they, they will see that and they will reflect that back in your ear. And so it can be really interesting for people to better understand their own behavior, and also how versus interact with each other. And what that might tell you about what you're projecting into the world,

Nik Tarascio 

talking about society as a whole, like one of the bigger things I was very curious about is obviously animals get treated very differently in different societies, different parts of the world, is there any correlation between how the human animal bond has developed in a place and then like the societal stability or structure or anything like that,

Dr. Megan Mueller 

this is a very timely thing to talk about, because I think our field of human animal interaction is really starting to have a reckoning with the fact that the field has been built on a very western perspective of what it means to have a pet and what the ideal human animal bond should be. And I think we're starting to recognize that there is a lot of cultural about variation and how people interact with animals, that doesn't have to be a good or a bad buy. It's just different. And that there's different ways that people respect and interact. So I wouldn't, I would hesitate to say that the way animals are treated sort of directly correlates to certain values in a society, but it is, it's just different. And we have to be careful about putting our lens about the human animal bond onto a context where it may not be appropriate. Or we may not fully understand what that relationship looks like, ya

Nik Tarascio 

know, the West likes to think we got it all figured out exactly as to follow perspective, but it's like, I've not spent time in Asia, I'm very interested in going over the next year. And I have heard people say, like, it's very different seeing how dogs are treated in parts of Asia, where they're just running around the streets. And here we are, like, God forbid, they eat a grape. You know, right, we're gonna have a whole big thing. And they're like they're eating garbage over there. But you know, again, I don't understand it. And it's an interesting lens to say, I don't know, maybe we've imposed something on them that they didn't really necessarily ask for. Well, I mean, they can't ask for it anyway. But Right,

Dr. Megan Mueller 

right. Yeah, exactly. And, yeah, there's just so much I think approaching it with a curious mindset is really the way to go. Because sometimes there are aspects of different ways of interacting with animals that maybe we haven't considered before. And I think what I've learned is that there's different ways of respecting animals in different circumstances.

Nik Tarascio 

Are you seeing, you know, when you're saying this is a timely conversation? Are you seeing more openness to these different perspectives?

Dr. Megan Mueller 

Definitely, or at least I think within the scientific community, in trying to expand our perspectives, and make sure that the science is not based on just one perspective on AI, but I think it also translates to maybe the wider world. I mean, obviously, we're in a very challenging place just in the world right now, where there's a lot of division. And I think it's worth considering how connection around animals may be a way of connecting people together around a shared interest or a shared a shared connection, that who may not otherwise be interacting with each other, that that pets or animals in general can be a really great social facilitator, and it's some common ground to build the types of relationships that you might need to interact around are difficult issues.

Nik Tarascio 

So kind of the, you know, the whole point of the show for me has been around how do we cultivate fulfilment? And are there any studies that have really correlated life fulfillment with pet ownership and pet relationships?

Dr. Megan Mueller 

I wish that there were because I do think that a sense of purpose and as you said Silman is this sort of underlying thread that we see it all lot of these relationships and I don't know of anybody who's really measured that or captured that. But even just thinking about the mindfulness aspect of say, taking your dog for a walk for a moment, you're not with your face in your phone, and then you're experiencing the world with them. And can they help us live a little bit more in the present? So I would love for somebody to do that, that study that I do think animals have a lot to teach us in terms of being in the moment and not letting all of the noise get to us. Yeah,

Nik Tarascio 

I mean, my story of getting my dog was my fiance and I were just driving in Nashville on this little puppy ran in front of our car. And long story short, we ended up keeping the dog and bringing him home. And what was interesting is I played it back had it not happened in such a magical way. And it was this very ridiculous long, two days story adventure, I think it would have been the kind of thing where I would have gotten the dog. I never had a puppy before they realized puppies and dogs are very different animals. Yeah. So suddenly, I have this puppy in my apartment. And he's wrecking everything and peeing on the floor. And I went from like, I've made it, I'm at the peak of my freedom in my life in New York City. And suddenly, I'm like, I'm on a three hour clock with a bladder that just wants to be on everything. And it was this huge transition of like, wow, I lost most of the freedoms I had before. And yet found so much joy at the same time. Yeah. And it like it opened up that curiosity of it's, you know, the more the more people talk about the West, and like our pursuit of this insane level of freedom, and optionality, but it doesn't seem to correlate to fulfillment and happiness. I'm like, I wonder if on some level, giving away some of that freedom was actually the thing that made me happier, because now I had these constraints, and I had limitations. And I reduced my options. And I was so much happier. So I've been thinking a lot about that, as you know, thank God, I found him, versus I had gotten him from somewhere that I could have brought him back to, because I would have been like, damn, I didn't realize I didn't want this right now. But it was honestly one of the most amazing transitions, both for me personally, and in my relationship to my fiance. It's like we really, we really shifted in saying, Oh, now we have this beautiful common goal of also taking care of this, this little guy, and he's so sensitive to our emotions. She and I are like, if we're like a little amped up, he will leave the room. He's like, I cannot be here for this. And so I would love to see more science on this stuff. But I mean, I think the the common sense and the practical approach do seem to dictate that most of the people I know anyway, with pet seem happier for having them even during that, even on the other side of that hard transition of like, I did not anticipate how difficult this was going to be.

Dr. Megan Mueller 

Sure, I think that's a great perspective, because there's something to be said for where we spend our time. It's is where our values are. And there's something about setting that time caring for the animal that feels like sort of a shelling valley to hatch.

Nik Tarascio 

And so all that said, I mean, you're obviously doing some really cool work. And it sounds like the young version of you will be super happy with where you ended up. What is your dream beyond at this point?

Dr. Megan Mueller 

Well, I think to really continue to understand what these relationships are. But I think the most important part about doing research in this area, it's how can we use what we're finding to make people and animals lives better? So I think that's where sometimes science falls short as we we really ask these questions, and then the answers just go into the void. So how can we use the scientific tools that we have to improve the lives of people and animals, that's really the goal. I mean, that's why we're all doing what it is that we're doing. So really trying to keep that in mind. And, and then I think also, you know, I'm a scientist, so I'm really pragmatic. Sometimes we get bogged down in the details of the science, but also trying to remember all of us that there's something about the magic, I think it's relationships, that's what makes them so powerful, and making sure that we remember that that's a really important piece of the whole picture. Yeah,

Nik Tarascio 

that's, that's fantastic. Well, I, I took a lot from this, I'll, you know, just some of the big takeaways for me are really going back to that chance to be intentional about death and loss. And, you know, still find presence in that and experience it fully and find a way to ritualize those experiences after they've happened and really take the gift that comes along with it. And really this idea that we we can never truly know what our pets want. That drives me nuts. I imagine it drives so many people's nuts, but you're right. I've never really thought about that. It is a greater sense of responsibility for me to choose what I do for my pet than what I would do for a family member who at least can verbalize something and tell me what their desires are. That is a that is a great challenge. And the reminder of having a great vet, it's something that I always saw a vet as like a technician, Is it convenient to just change my oil like let's get it done. And really to see a vet as a person who really is a partner in helping you navigate this uncredible responsibility for something that most of us love with a capacity that we, you know, maybe only reserved for our children. And the beauty of the you know, that reminder that despite all the science, I think this isn't just for, you know, the pet and human connection or the animal human connection, but I think it's in most scientific places is to not lose the magic. I love that I love hearing someone who's in the world of science, saying, let's not forget that this is about the magic. And we're all just doing our best job to try to quantify the magic in a way that we can understand. But we'll never be able to fully fully decipher it. And so to allow the space for that, and the potential for that. So this is really phenomenal. And again, it's I'm gonna give my dog a hug. As soon as we get done with this. Right, there's, yeah, yeah. I appreciate the work you do. And I'm really excited to see what other what other research comes to the surface that can help validate some of this stuff. And for anyone who's interested to learn more about the research lab, we're gonna put the link in the show notes. And you could also learn more about the therapy animal group as well with one of the links that we'll put in there. And Meghan, again, thank you so much for being here. I hope everyone has just felt a little bit more love for the pets that are in the animals that are in their life.

Dr. Megan Mueller 

That's great. Thank you so much for having me.

Nik Tarascio 

I really appreciate it. Our pleasure. Thank you for listening to the dream beyond. I hope that you received whatever message or inspiration you were meant to get from today's episode. I had a great time recording it for you. If you love the show, please take 30 seconds to subscribe rate, and review it. That really helps get the word out. And if you want to connect with me, you can find me at:

instagram.com/niktarascio

linkedin.com/in/nikTarascio

youtube.com/nTarascio

#animals #pet #human-animal bond #relationships #dog #people #understand #therapy #science #feel #teenagers #love #human #behaviors #study #perspective #interact #children #great #decision #fulfillment #success #life #book #dream #business #community #world #big

[carlatsukinamistolemyhamsandwich]

If they had kids would Carla and Shin be good parents?

Trigger warning for some reference to child abuse (partly because I'll be bringing up Carla's backstory).

Short answer: It depends on the circumstances.

I think they both have the capacity to be at least halfway decent parents but it would depend on them having someone (probably their respective S/Os) knock some of their edges off first.

If we're talking about a scenario in which they've fulfilled their goal of carrying on the founder race without forming any sort of attachments to someone beforehand, then that's when you'd see some problems.

One thing with Carla is that at the start of Dark Fate, he's struggling to balance his own emotions with the feelings of duty he has as Giesbach's son and the current Founder King—which is to say his emotions are trampled on and ignored over whatever he perceives his duty as king to be. If someone hasn't broken through the ice shell he surrounds himself with before he has children, then he's going to be a very strict parent, and while he would have some affection for his children, they probably wouldn't ever realise it until he told them so while on his deathbed.

You can get an idea of what it might look like if you examine Carla's interactions with Shin in early material. We know Carla cares about Shin but he never expresses it in a way that Shin realises it. We know from Carla's DF route that each future king of the founders was strictly trained by the previous king (or at least that's certainly what Carla believes) so my big worry is that he'd feel he had to do the same thing. I'm not sure he would ever be quite as bad as Giesbach was to him (we know from LP that he doesn't like the sound of children crying because it reminds him of the founder children crying as their parents died of Endzeit) but I can definitely see him going down that sort of path without someone to make him see sense beforehand (he certainly wouldn't enjoy it but those feelings would get shoved to the back of the emotion cupboard and kept solidly under lock and key).

If someone has managed to prize open the door to Carla's heart, then I doubt any of the above would come up as an issue. He'd definitely need someone to help him with basics as I cannot foresee Carla "I can't make a sandwich" Tsukinami (his CL route) really knowing how to take care of an infant or young child. He'd make sure his children got a good education and in terms of worldly goods, I'm fairly certain he'd let them have whatever their hearts desired (while Shin cries because he's the one trying to manage the budget). I still don't think he'd put up with any rampant disobedience but he'd be nowhere as harsh as he might have been.

As for Shin... If we again consider a scenario where he's somehow raising a child without having dealt with any of his own issues then I don't think he'd be great. To be honest though, I still don't he'd be anywhere near as bad as undeveloped Carla in terms of hard discipline even if he does generally have less patience.

One thing that isn't super obvious about Shin but you do see if you know where to look for it, is that he kind of likes taking care of things. This is most obvious in two of his bonus CDs (his Versus IV bonus CD where he works at a dog café and his MMB Animate bonus CD featuring Asa the hamster) but there a couple of other instances where you see it come up (this sort of ties into acts of service being one of his love languages but that's a whole other thing).

If it's his own child, then even without an S/O, I imagine he'd be a lot more patient than some might think. I do think he would be kind of strict about training them, namely in swordplay and how to fight, but unlike with Carla, you would be able to tell he cared.

Honestly my biggest worry with Shin parenting on his own is what sort of values he'd impart to his child. If no one's helped Shin sort through his own strength complex, then I'm fairly certain his kid would be raised to believe strength was everything and that as a founder they were above all of the other races and could do whatever they wanted.

With an emotionally mature S/O who wasn't afraid to say no to him then I think Shin could make for a good parent. Any child he had would still be raised with the mindset of "the founders are the best" but to a less fanatical degree and Shin's S/O would be able to stop him from any making any of the more questionable decisions he might make on his own. "Shin, you are not teaching our five year old how to use a sword! Oh for heaven's sake if you must at least make sure it's a wooden one he can't hurt himself with".

He'd still be strict about making sure his children received whatever training he felt they needed but outside of that he could make for a fun parent. Shin's the parent who initially says no to getting a pet, later wilts under the mournful eyes of his S/O and their children and then ends up loving said pet and takes charge of caring for it.

I will say that whatever the circumstances of their birth, heaven help anyone who tried to harm either of the brothers' children as it would cause the both of them to go absolutely nuclear.

I hope that answers your question anon!

#this ask had me thinking about how of all of the DL boys Shin probably had the most positive relationship with his parents #I know we don't actually see him interact with Krone in the games #and he was definitely closer to Gies #but from the way he talks in his bloody bouquet CD I think he at least has some good memories with her #and like obviously his upbringing wasn't perfect but tbh #up until the eye incident he had it the least bad of any of the boys #have I gotten a little teary eyed thinking about Shin and kids? #perhaps #what do I tag this as? #tw: child abuse #ask #shin tsukinami #Carla Tsukinami

[dilucslittleangel]

𝐀 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐈𝐥 𝐃𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐞

Hello!! Usually I wanted to write this same thing with Scaramouche until unfortunately his canon past came out and I had to delete the whole thing- so now, while Dottore will sure take some time to appear in the game, I'm taking my chance to write how I think his past maybe looked like.

Some sentences towards the end have been taken off his artifact!

Word count: 1584

I'd like to say this may or may not fit into canon!! (however I wouldn't mind if this became canon)

So. Where to we begin?

I like to think Dottore had a golden child syndrome from a young age.

Most parents want to see their children thrive and flourish. In fact, the desire to see your child succeed is a normal desire of parenting. Moreover, even good parents sometimes have unrealistic expectations for their children.

But good child syndrome can happen when a child consistently reinforces their parent’s desires for them. These children don’t just want to satisfy their parents- they feel obligated and responsible for doing so. It becomes a significant part of their identity, meaning it affects their overall development. Either one or two of the parent role, are naracisstic.

A healthy child usually wants to succeed and make their parents proud. Golden children take it up a few notches. They may present as anxious children early in life. Similarly, they experience immense anxiety and guilt when they fail to meet certain expectations.

Despite how a golden child syndrome usually develops in a child, it was a little different in this case.

Dottore's father did not give him lots of attention at all. Just like the insane, crazy doctor / scientist he is himself now, so was his father. His father was a mad man, a man who's experiments are more important to him than his own family.

The young boy often watched his father, watching experiments a young boy like him should not see. All his father's attention went to the experiments, did he have to do the same?

The young lad did various of things, but they all were helpless. Nothing made his father even look at him, heck not even at the dinner table they talked. However he didn't want to stop trying. He had to keep on going, so he thought.

His mother? Dottore was just 7 years old when his mother started to feel worse and worse everyday. So worse even she had no other choice but to rest in bed, having a doctor visit every week as her husband was no doctor, just a scientist who couldn't care less. Why did they even marry?

Dottore brought his mother meals every day - at least whenever a helpful aunt came over. Dottore pretty much looked up to the doctor that came over every week. Did he also become so clever and brilliant to maybe help his mother? He sure thought so.

Day and night the young boy spend hours of looking into medical books, learning anything he possibly could. Often would he fall asleep on the ground, all exhausted from studying. He wanted to help his mother.

Besides studying medical stuff and trying to do anything that would make his father give any attention, he'd also spend other day and nights to get the best of grades, always did he bring good ones home. Never would you see anything below 95 points. Dottore didn't even think about having friends, they only were in his way and annoying. He had no time for friends, he only had himself.

Everytime he brought good grades home, he would bring the paper to his mother. She was more than proud of him. „One day you'll be such a handsome man, helping out so many people.. You make your mother really proud..”the sweet voice spoke. He couldn't let his mothers expactions down now could he?

More and more years have passed. Years of studying, years of writing good grades, years of wanting his father to also be proud of him. Dottore was under a pressure of making his parents be nothing, he didn't want to be a good-for-nothing, - a pressure he put himself under. He just wanted to mean something to both of his parents. He wanted to be worth living. Something cracked in the mind of his.

One day, the boy came home in the cold times of the years but he had great news, he scored the best once more in a big test, wanting to share the great news to his mother. He hadn't seen his mother since yesterday, he was happy to see his mother again. „Mother! Mother! Look!”he said proudly as he ran upstairs, he didn't even put his backpack down. „..Mother?”he asked as he entered the room. He walked over to the bed and looked at his mother. Her eyes were closed, chest not rising nor sleeping. „...?” he gently shook his mother, having his hand on the mother's arm, he felt the coldness. The heater was on, how could she get so cold? It got him worried.

„Mother??”he asked loudly, keeping on shaking her till he heard it knock on the door. He put his test paper on the bed and walked downstairs. He opened the door, looking at who was knocking. It was the doctor, wanting to check on the mother as always. „Uhm Doctor.. I don't think mother is feeling well.... She's quiet and so cold..” he spoke. The doctor looked at him. „..?..”the doctor quickly walked upstairs, of course did the boy walk after him. Dottore stood at the door frame, watching the man.

The doctor stood there silently for a few seconds, shrugging a bit together as he suddenly left the room, walking downstairs. „Where's your father kid??” he asked. „I..don't know. He was suddenly gone one day 2 years ago or so..”he answered. „..what?? Then where's your aunt, let me call her, boy.”

Dottore didn't quite understand what was going on but he knew nothing good happen. He looked back at his mother. He walked up to her, climbing onto the bed and hugging his beloved mother. He brushed away the long dark blue hair. Silently, he sank his head on the mothers chest, closing those pure red eyes. He widened his eyes a little as he heard no heartbeat. „...Mother..”. What a shame, he was just supposed to turn 14 in a few days.

Many many more years have passed. While he grew up along his aunt, Dottore had not given up what he did before. Now he had to make his aunt all proud, now that he's the oh so poor failure that couldn't save his mother hm? At least he thought that way, again.

Now being proud 20 years, living on his own in a old lab, doing various of experiments no one would like to recall. He'd just become the madman his father once was. The word "failure" does not exist for him. He cannot be a failure once more, after all.. He's such a big genius. How could a hardworking child with a great smile go to a madman with a short temper who's plans cannot go wrong?

So judgemental the god of his homeland Fontaine, so the people. Fontaine's people were disgusted of the man, afraid of him, they wanted him gone.

Chased away with pitchforks, clubs and angry words, he took fled to the all famous Sumeru Academia where he continued his crazy studies and experiments. He had so many logical theories, yet no one wanted to hear them. One would not even like to look at him. He truly was sick of everyone, of everything.

Years later again, once more the man took fled. Next day awoken, the social reject's legs have given up. Falling into the sand, with a little lake aside, he took a look at his reflection. Half of his face had gotten burn scars, had the man's charm left his side too? Hand covering half the man's face, he remembered it all.

A night of a harmless experiment with potions and fire had kept the man awake. Yet, the man had been tired. Sitting at the table, where he rest his head on his palm, the man closed his eyes. Dottore silently listened to the liquid heating up under the hottest flames. Maybe him closing his eyes was a terrible mistake which he soon got to suffer for.

The liquid had been heated up too much, the man should've turned off the fire by now but he soon was about to reach the beautiful dream realm. Glass exploding and hot liquid splashing against half his face awoke the man. Quickly the man stood up and pressed the towel against his face, sharp breaths escaping, silent cries filling the room, free hand turning off the fire.

How foolish of him, hm?

The man shook his head and closed his eyes. A grip on his shoulder made the man turn around. „..Fatui?”

"Merely an enhanced human? If your great nation can furnish me with sufficient resources and ample time, I could even manufacture that which you would call a god. What say you?"

True indeed. First of the fatui has tracked him down. In the desert that shone bright like liquid gold, he inquired of the Snezhnayan diplomat:

"Will you treat me like the Academia did? Will you call me a monster, a madman?"

"Or will you treat me as my hometown did, and chase me away with pitchforks and clubs...?"

...

"Good. Then, we are now in partnership."

"As for the matter of your title — what do you say to this..."

Taken completely by surprise by the sheer irony of the title he was given, the young man burst into hysterical laughter.

If you'd know ask the man about his theories and experiments, shall you see a sparkle of excitement...

...

(Drawing of Dottore in the age of four. From right to left -> "Daddy" "That's me!" "Mommy")

#genshin impact #genshin impact il dottore #dottore genshin #genshin il dottore #dottore #il dottore #theory #genshin theory #this is just a theory #please let this get any attention #golden child syndrome #he may be a social reject but I can fix him guys!! 🤪🤪 #i hope this makes sense #will anyone even read this #bye #will anyone care?

[lepusrufus]

Lil' Mia and Miranda thing since I dragged you guys down the rarepair hell with me~

---

Lab equipment was really not meant to blend well within a lived-in home. And it didn't. The plush carpet on top of wooden floors giving way to the smooth lab flooring that squeaked under boots not appropriate for the setting created an odd contrast. Not that that was uncharacteristic for Miranda, any of her workspaces falling perfectly under the description of an organized mess, with particular emphasis on mess.

With Rose sleeping peacefully in the room generously, suspiciously so, provided by Miranda, Mia decided to stretch her legs by walking around the manor, the baby monitor connected to her phone. The building was relatively big, albeit quite old, tucked in the woods somewhere between the Beneviento house and the factory, with a tunnel conveniently connecting it to the labs running under the town. It had close to no spatial organization, bedrooms and labs and storage rooms alternating by patterns known only by the so-called goddess, or most likely not even by her.

Mia did not trust the woman. Not with the memories of the prison cell and the kidnapping of her daughter for experiments still fresh in her mind. But, the tiredness of motherhood and the odd loneliness that came with being the only two inhabitants of the house that were capable of coherent speech as of now, had her longing for some company.

It was an easy task finding Miranda, the soft cries of Eva guiding her down a short hallway to a lab door left ajar. Inside, the woman was sat at a desk, a laptop with half written reports and notes in front of her, pushed out of the grasp of the fussing infant in her arms. Miranda was far too busy trying to calm her daughter down enough to fall asleep to notice Mia leaning on the doorframe, curiously observing the scene. Oddly human, in her failing attempt to get her child to stop crying, when at any given time she could get anyone to kneel before her and bend over backwards to her every whim. Yet a small infant was giving her so much trouble.

"Need a hand?" Mia offered with a small chuckle. Should she even offer her help?

"I am fine thank you." But a slightly louder wail from Eva came with perfect timing to disprove her words.

Miranda's shoulders seemed to slump ever so slightly as her eyes closed slowly, the usual makeup replaced by dark circles, testimony to the long hours spent going through decades of research and reports while also caring for her newly reborn daughter. It was oddly bittersweet, to see a woman so dignified otherwise all but beg the small child to go to sleep so she could finish her work.

Work, Mia concluded, that was rather essential for the whole place, and also her home for now, to continue existing the way it was. With a sigh she walked up to the desk and gently stoked Eva's short brunette hair. "Here, let me hold her. At least until you finish typing whatever it is you're doing," she said waving a hand in the direction of the forgotten computer, who's screen had turned black by now.

There were a few long seconds of hesitation, but a weary glance at the mountain of files on the other side of the desk that she was yet to go through convinced Miranda to finally allow her daughter slip into Mia's arms. It took maybe five minutes of cooing and a one sided conversation made in silly voices to turn the cries into giggles, small hands trying to grasp at Mia's finger that was ticklishly caressing puffy cheeks. Exhausted from crying, Eva's eyes slowly fluttered shut and she was gingerly lowered into a crib set by the desk, one of the many scattered around the house.

Miranda watched the scene unfold with uncharacteristic softness slipping by the icy mask of her steely eyes. Even goddesses can be caught by surprise it seemed, and whether it was due to the apparent skills that Mia had with calming Eva down or at how she was willing to help despite their precarious position was up to debate.

"Shouldn't you be better at this," Mia asked, pulling one of the chairs closer to sit in. "I know it's been, what, two or three centuries or something but haven't you done this before?"

Her question was obviously poking fun for the most part, but Miranda couldn't help the tired sigh that crawled its way from the depths of her now useless lungs.

"No, actually. I haven't," she responded curtly as she grabbed one of the files and opened it in order to transcribe its contents in a digital file. "At least not on my own," she added upon remembering the numerous subjects she helped raise during her time working with The Connections.

"Oh? Did you have a sweet loving husband once upon a time? Do tell me more," Mia said leaning her chin on her palms as if she were a teenager at a sleepover talking about crushes, although the memory of Ethan clawing its way to the forefront of her thoughts made her grimace slightly, until she pushed it back down in the depths of her mind.

It was foolish perhaps, acting like that around a woman that could, and would with the right motivation, kill her in the blink of an eye. Truth be told though, Mia was bored out of her mind, so what better way to pass the time than push Miranda's buttons, especially when she seemed too tired to retaliate.

The so-called goddess grimaced, at least ten different reasons to find the thought outrageous flashing through her mind and, settling on the most obvious one, looked at her, one eyebrow raised. "I was a nun."

Mia leaned back in her chair, looking at the black head covering hanging from a hook behind the door, together with black robes. She had to wonder if they were the same ancient ones or if she replaced them every once in a while.

"Yeah, I couldn't tell," she chuckled. "A nun turned goddess. How ironic don't you think."

"Worshipping was never quite up my alley. And neither were men," she replied flatly, turning the pages in front of her and typing the relevant information in the file she had open on the screen.

Mia's eyes widened slightly with an amused oh. "So was she raised by the convent then?"

Was this information really to be given out? Mirada did not like talking about her past, or personal information in general. Gods did not need backstories, they simply were.

She sighed. "No, no. Her parents died when she was four and with nobody else to look for her, she was brought to us." Miranda gave a small shrug, pausing to type up decades old results on lycans. "I was the newest there, so the nuns dumped her on me. I was so mad at first, but she's always been such a brilliant little girl, even back then. She would ask for a bedtime story and did not complain when I'd start reading from one of the medical books I stole from the merchant. There was just something about her that made her grow on me."

With the paragraph done, she pushed her chair back, quietly so as to not have its legs scratch against the linoleum floor, and walked to another, smaller desk pushed against a wall. From there, she walked back to the crib where the small infant was sleeping peacefully, a small doll in hand. Doll that Mia recognized immediately, as an identical one was by her own daughter's sleeping form, back in their room. It was a small replica of Angie, plush and soft to the touch, unlike its real life wooden counterpart, the white dress made of delicate silk. Both toys had been made by Donna herself as gifts.

"But as you can guess, she was well past a toddler when she was placed in my care," Miranda finished, leaving the doll just by her sleeping daughter's side.

"So you suck with babies," Mia concluded with a grin. She would have laughed, but had enough clarity of mind to be quiet.

Miranda simply gave her a tired glare before rolling her eyes. She went back to her desk and opened a new file to be transcribed, this one on the reservoir's structure.

"I can care for them," she started, an odd almost imperceptible strain in her voice. "It just gets trickier when it's my own daughter and not an act."

Mia nodded absent mindedly, eyes darting to Eva. To see a woman with such power and ruthlessness, who could level the whole town to the ground if she so pleased, show such raw genuine affection towards the child made some of the notions in her brain crumble to the ground. Miranda was still the same woman who, ironically enough, experimented on more children than she cared to count, but then again Mia was also a willing participant in said experiments so was she really that much better?

She definitely was, Mia concluded, choosing to ignore a small pang at her heart when she watched all the ice in those gray eyes melt into tenderness while looking at her daughter. Instead, she started toying with one of the many pens scattered on the desk.

"Since I'm staying here, I don't mind helping you out with her," Mia said quietly, keeping her eyes on the small giraffe doodle she was doing on a napkin.

It wasn't for Miranda's sake really. She simply wanted the best for Eva, the child completely innocent unlike the atrocities committed by her mother throughout the last few centuries. Besides, it would be nice for Rose to have a friend not unlike herself, given the yet to be understood power both girls possessed.

"There's no need-"

"Consider it a thank you for letting us stay here, without a sniper pointing at my daughter's head at all times," Mia finished, a slither of ire slipping into her tone on the last words, the memory of a rookie agent panicking and pointing his gun to Rose for the unforgivable crime of being a hungry crying child seared behind her eyelids.

Miranda sighed, an odd sense of relief washing over her. After centuries of trying to bring her back, you'd think the she would do anything to spend each and every second with Eva, not letting anyone else care for her in any capacity, but truth be told, the prospect of not facing motherhood completely alone, even if Mia was helping her solely out of some sense of obligation, did not sound half bad.

"As you wish," she finally said, going back to the half written paragraph her mind drifted away from minutes earlier.

#mother miranda x mia #mia winters #fanfic #my art

[scrawnytreedemon]

how about the pale king (in better circumstances)~?

oHHHH???? Now THAT'S a spin.

God, it's gonna be an endeavour to say anything that wouldn't be parroting @/ganymedesclock or @/ruthlesslistener, because holy FUCK those guys do characterisation so well— It's just, augh, so fucking good. Nevertheless, I shall endeavour to think of Something.

In essence, the Pale King probably wouldn't have had children. The only situation I could possibly think of where he'd choose to would be if he knew he was going to Die™ and Hallownest needed an heir, and even I think that's highly unlikely. PK is very much the kind of guy to go down with the ship— He lives by his legacy, and it ends with him. Ideally. I honestly don't think he'd see any use in passing it on— It's his legacy, his kingdom, his work. Throwing in an heir would muddle that.

However it is also very easy to assume you'd never want kids and then BOOM, baby appears and you are 👁👁

Take it from my mumhfhfjhghjgkjfgjk

God, I think even in the best of situations he'd be a deeply flawed parent. But this guy is nothing if not devoted, and it's clear from what little we are shown that the Pale King loved the Hollow Knight— And that what happened ate him alive. His throneroom is drenched in Void, a substance heavily linked with regret. I think he'd struggle, and have so much to iron out, and even in the end Hollow/the child(ren) would end up feeling emotionally neglected and untended to, but he'd do nothing if not his best,

Even if his best isn't perfect.

I don't think this guy gets much sleep at night.

I think PK sees his subjects as 'family', in a weird, distant, kinda fucked-up almost pet-sorta-way— I think a shepherd with his flock would be a good example. The White Lady is his helpmeet, equal in stature if lent to a more seemingly passive role, and his great knights and beloved academics are loyal sheepdogs— Nearer than the herd, but not equal.

I think because he's very perfectionist, very managerial, PK would struggle to lend his children any independence. There's also this very real, instinctual concern regarding territory— If they become Proper Gods, then they become competitors; rivals to his throne; a Threat. PK comes from a deeply territorial predator species, and what often happens when juveniles become 'of age' is that they get kicked out as to not compete.

Maybe if the child is more Wyrm-like, this all works out as per nature's course; brutal, and painful for both parties, but natural.

If the kid is more docile, like their mother, then... that complicates matters. What do you fucking... do with that?

What does being a hybrid, even if of two gods, mean for this child? How does it affect the dynamic?

Does PK genuinely have to consider bracing himself for the possibility he may eventually have to banish his own child to maintain stability in Hallownest? Would this child not gain influence among, at the very least, a small number of people?

Would they follow them into the wastes?

...Or would they rise up and take the throne?

To say there's alot of ways you could take this would be an understatement. The painful melding of duty, love, and ones own survival instincts all clashing to form this horrendous clusterfuck of a situation where no one comes out entirely happy, I think that's what it's about.

Maybe they return one day; maybe they clamber off their stolen throne and look for him.

Perhaps, finally, they reconcile.

And build things anew.

#hollow knight #hk #the pale king #pk #ask meme #ask game #scrawny rambles #hgjhgkkjhkJHJHKGFHJK G OD I K N O W i jumped WAYYY off into the niche end here #i interpreted 'better circumstances' as if the infection had never arisen #and thus none of this was f o r c e d to take place #though perhaps the intent was a sorta post-canon situation #--which in that case oh that's interesting #but it's also the sort of interesting i think gets the most attention #you know what i mean? #thank you for asking #i managed to actually squeeze out somehting original holy shit #if i had any fucking motivation to write hk fic i'd love to see something with this in mind #aUGH g od maybe i'll do it someday #fuckigngngngn au-god!hollow my beloved #hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhrgh #MAN i just realised i wish i could've gotten onto hornet #but again #no infection :( #hjfhjkhjkhfjhk there's something so funny about putting ':(' for that outof context #BUT YOU GET WHAT I MEAN #no girl 😔 #or if girl then not HIS girl

[hot-wiings]

The One Where [Y/N] [L/N] Can't Show Up To Her Toxic Family Dinner Alone, So She Turns To Her College Peer For Help.

Edited: 12-4-2020

Once your college professor dismissed the class as over you were quick to open your phone and check your messages. Once unmuted, it vibrated and chimed a dozen times bombarding you. Messages from your mother overflowed your notification bar. You just didn't have the energy to deal with it right now. With a scowl, you set your phone back to mute mode and harshly shoved it into your backpack.

"Everything all right?"

Your chemistry partner was pilling books back into his backpack when he asked you the imposing question. He zipped the bag close, stood up, and turned to you, giving you a concerned look as he slung his backpack on his shoulder.

"I'm fine."

"We've been partners for nearly a year, I think I know you enough to know when you're not fine."

Your eyes glanced up at the white-haired man before glancing back at your lap. Your chemistry partner, Natsuo Todoroki, was a nice young man. Natsuo was funny and kind, he noticed when you were having a bad day, and he'd try to ease your troubles. Maybe that was why you often found yourself studying your partner more than your notes. Normally you'd relish under the gaze and attention of your charming, pretty partner, but today wasn't just one of those days.

"It's stupid. Like, really stupid, and unimportant."

"If it's bothering you then it's not stupid. C'mon, I'll buy you lunch and you can tell me all about your problem."

You huffed as you stood up and pulled your bag over your shoulder. You followed Natsuo to the cafeteria, while he walked off to get and pay for your lunches, you found some empty seats. Your leg bounced as you waited for him to come back. The idea of opening up about something so personal made you anxious.

"It's Soba Saturday."

"Thanks."

Natsuo took a seat across from you and smiled as you took a bite out of the food. Happy that you were happy with your food, Natsou digs into his own.

"So partner' what's up?"

"As I said, it's really, really, stupid."

"You're obviously worked up over it, it can't be that stupid."

You let out a ragged sigh as you took a delicate bite out of your food. Embarrassed, your eyes avoided him once you swallowed and set the fork down. Natsuo had shared so much with you as a friend and confidant, you knew about his family, every nitty-gritty detail, but you opened so little in return.

"My mom texted me asking if I was bringing a date home for Christmas. My parents... They're pretentious and rich, you know? Marrying, and settling down, becoming a house mouse while my husband takes over the family business. That's the future they want for me."

You clenched your fists just getting aggravated thinking about it. The toxicity was hard and you were trying your best to escape it, but you could only flee so much when you were poor without your parents. Natsuo reached across the table and grabbed your hands, pulling them into his cold ones.

"I know if I show up alone my mom's gonna get in my business, then she'll try setting me up with rich men she thinks are suitable. I just- I can't do another family Christmas alone."

"I understand what you mean. I told you how my dad's a bastard, he's tried setting me and my sister up with suitable people before, never works out, just makes us hate him. I don't even wanna go home for Christmas this year, so... I have a proposition."

"I'd love to hear it."

"I'll go with you."

His voice came out quick and fast, almost making him sound nervous, but Natsuo didn't get nervous, it wasn't a Todoroki trait. You look up from your lap to his eyes. A small smile formed on your face as he proposed the statement. You let out a chuckle as a light blush brushed your face.

"You wanna be my date?"

"We don't have to go like that, we can fake date. Think about it, you need a rich, suitable guy to show up with you. You need me. Someone to convince your pretentious parents you're ready to settle down, and, I, can get out of my own family Christmas and obligations to see the bastard man."

"Fake dating... Fake dating and convincing my parents that we're in love. That's a lot to deal with, you're sure your up for it?"

"Yeah, you might say... We already have some chemistry together."

You laughed as that feeling bubbled up in your chest. That feeling you got whenever you were around your partner, your lab partner. It was stupid, so stupid. The idea of fake dating him bubbled you, even if it was fake, the idea that he got to be your boyfriend for an evening or two excited you.

"Okay, you dork, it's settled. You're my fake boyfriend."

Your leg bounced rigorously as the car drove on the road. You watched the road signs, anxiously noting how far away from your home you were each time a new one appeared. You lived a couple of hours out from the city you and Natsuo attended college in. Coming from a rich family, you and Natsuo probably would've attended the same social circles and school had you not grew up so far away.

Your thumb tapped away at your leg as Christmas music blared through the radio. Your whole body screamed anxious and distressed. Now that you've had time to brew and process the deal you and Natsuo made you regretted it. What were you thinking, taking your lab partner, who was also your crush, on an overnight trip as your fake boyfriend? It was just going to cause you trouble.

You had feelings for him and your family was toxic. The idea of letting him in was disturbing. It was your home where you grew up, the place you learned to hate yourself, the place that taught you to be closed off, and mean. He'll meet your mom, your dad, and your godawful siblings. He'll see how horrible your family is, and the idea of letting him see the environment you grew up in was so daunting.

What if he decided you were awful too? What if he changes lab partners?

"We're here."

"Great."

Your voice came out placid and tight. Your nervousness and exhaustion could be heard in your voice. Emotions brought out every time you saw your family, he mistook it as nerves brought on by the fear of fake dating.

"We should probably lie down some rules."

"Yeah, I've never fake dated before. I don’t know what you're uncomfortable with, but no kissing on the lips."

Natsuo pulled his keys out of the engine ignition and pocketed them while he lightly laughed at your proposed rule. Heat rose to your cheeks as his voice met your ears.  

"We're supposed to convince them we're in love, but I can't kiss your lips?"

"I know it's silly, but to me it's romantic and I’d like to keep this professional. Besides, you still have my cheek, hand, nose, and forehead."

“I see your points, if it makes you feel more comfortable then lips are off-limits.”

You let out a relieved sigh. You weren't sure you'd handle kissing Natsuo. It was too personal, too romantic. The more you progressed on this endeavor the more you worried. Your parents were gonna know, they were gonna know. 

"No kissing your lips, what about hand-holding?"

"We can hold hands, hug, anything a couple would do, just no sex or kissing."

"Two days, as a handholding loving boyfriend. Let's do this."

Natsuo got out of the car and while you zipped up your coat and fixed your scarf he rushed to the other side of the car and opened your door before you got the chance. His cold hand was on your hand pulling you out of the car, he smiled softly at you as he helped you out.

“Thanks, you didn't have to do that.”

“I wanted to, I'm your boyfriend after all.”

You pushed a piece of hair behind your ear as a light blush spread across your skin. Never had you been more thankful for the cold air for you had been able to play your pink cheeks off as an effect of the cold weather and not his words. 

“You go in, I’ll get our bag.”

“You sure?”

You nibbled on your lip as Natsuo walked away from you. He turned to you with an ever-growing smile present as he winked. 

“Yeah, I'm a good boyfriend aren't I?”

“The sweetest ever. See you inside.”

You made your way to the door and gave the heavy wooden door a hard knock. It wasn't long until one of the servants opened the door. The head butler, Godwin, opened the door and threw you a gracious smile before pulling you into a hug. 

“Welcome back, [Y/N].”

In your time living here as a child, Godwin spent a lot of time with you. It was his job to watch over you and your siblings along with the other staff members when your parents were gone, which was often. He was the one who taught you to be kinder and nicer, more humble than your other siblings. He was the one who encouraged you to go to college despite your parents raising you to live in a world with their racist, sexist ideals. 

“It’s good to see you, Godwin.” 

Your mother came down the stairs with her overly expensive Christmas dress flowing with her. She looked like the average rich person trying to show off her money. Pearls, diamonds, and obvious plastic surgery. Your father followed behind her, adorning an expensive tailored suit and a matching tie, no doubt your mother's idea to make it seem like they had a perfect marriage to their guests when it, in fact, was not. 

“Oh, [F/N], you're here!”

She walked up to you and awkwardly wrapped her arms around your body. It was weird and awkward. Your mother didn't like giving affection out to her children, or really anyone. Now that you were older, you didn't crave the attention from her. Your father didn't even attempt to greet you. 

“I thought you said you were bringing a guest, Oh I knew you were lying. Lucky for you I thought ahead and arranged for one of your father's friends to come over as your date for the evening.”

“Mother, anyone friends with father is going to be way too old to be a date for me, besides that fact, I did bring a date.” 

“Oh, don’t be embarrassed to ask your mother for help, I did give birth to you after all.”

She sneered her words at you. This was a classical move of your mothers because she gave birth to you then that must mean she knows you better than anyone else, she also used it in the stance that you owed it to her to do what she wanted.

“You’ll love him. He's the owner of a multimillion-dollar company, he's rich, and his wife just died! You’ve been single for so long, you need a man to take care of you”-

Your mother is cut off by the sound of Natsuo walking in with your bag and slamming the door shut, trying to keep the cold out. Considering it was an overnight trip, you thought sharing a bag might make you look more intimate and close. 

“Sorry I took so long babe, I didn't zip the bag all the way closed and it opened on the ride here, I had to put everything back in it.”

“Mother, father, this is my boyfriend.” 

Natsuo dropped your bag on the floor and shook your parent's hands starting with your father, and then your mother next, respectfully the way you shook hands with the rich. You supposed growing up as a Todoroki he had to learn these tricks and rules the same way you did. 

“Natsuo Todoroki, nice to meet you, sir, ma’am.”

“Oh wow, Todoroki? Like the hero family Todoroki?”

“Yes, ma’am... Endeavor is my father.”

You could tell by Natsuo's stance that he was uncomfortable with the way your mother was asking about his social status and checking him out with a tight fake smile on her face.

“Yes, I remember now, I saw your family on the news. How did you snag this one [Y/N]? A Todoroki, I'm impressed, then again... He is the brother who chose not to follow the life of a hero.”

You both ignored your mother's catty comment as Natsuo grabbed your hand and pulled you against his side. He kissed your cheek, eliciting a light blush for the second time that day, however, your mother's focus was on your 'boyfriend', and his focus was on your mother. 

“Feels more like I'm the one who snagged her.”

“Well, you must tell us how you met. Goodwin! Take their bag up to [Y/N]'s room!” 

You rolled your eyes as she yells at the butler. You'd think after years of working for her she would've remembered his name, but she didn't.

“Godwin, we can take our bag up, we need to change into our dress clothes anyway. Mother, you really should remember the names of your staff.”

“They're just the help, details like their names don't matter. Ever since you went off to that school it's put silly ideas in your head. Natsuo don't be afraid to remind her who's boss, she might try to force those ridiculous relationship norms on you.”

The comment comes from your father who had been mostly silent throughout the whole conversation. The comment comes from your father and it didn't sit well with Natsuo. As your father laughs at what he said, Natsuo picks your bag up and chuckles at him. 

“Oh, [Y/N] and I both know who the boss of this relationship is. [Y/N] attends more classes than me, so I always make sure the apartment is clean, and food is ready on the table for her. It's only fair, I wouldn't want her to think these ridiculous relationship norms where the woman cooks and cleans and the man provides is right.”

Before your father gets another word in edgewise, Natsuo pulls you along with him to the staircase, letting you guide him to your bedroom with appeased smiles on your faces. You pushed the door open and let Natsuo in before closing it and locking it. You flopped over on the bed, and he followed suit before taking a look at your room. It was the same as always, the way you left it after high school, never changing except for when little things got moved around for dusting and vacuuming by Godwin. 

“So... What'd you think of my parents?”

“They’re... interesting?”

There were a wide variety of choice words Natsuo wanted to use. He did not like your parents, and it bothered him knowing that you grew up being raised with such ideals. Natsuo might have had a bastard for a father, his father might have hurt his mom, and his family in more ways than one, but his father never once told Fuyumi that she couldn't pursue her dreams. He never once told Fuyumi that she had to follow old gender norms, never once was Fuyumi taught to layover for a man.

"It's okay, you can say it. They're good awful."

"I didn't want to upset you or offend, but my father literally drove my mom insane, he gave her a mental illness and he's nice compared to them."

"Just wait until you meet my siblings."

You let out a laugh as your fingers played with the blanket on the bed. Your hands were so close. It was sweet to him, the sound of your voice. He'd never admit out loud, but he was so in love with you. Ever since he first laid eyes on you in chemistry class. Ever since you sat down next to him and introduced yourself, ever since you accidentally blew up your first experiment. Ever since you kept apologising for catching him on fire, you hadn't a clue who he was, or who his father was. You were normal with him. Every little thing you did lead up to his feelings for you. Every little thing you did added to the strong feelings had had, like a brick house.

To the naked eye, Natsuo was a desirable man. He was rich, filthy rich, and he had that Todoroki charm. Everyone wanted him for his status or his looks. They didn't know him, the real him, him with an abusive father and fucked up family. For all those reasons, Natsuo always thought that you wouldn't want to be with a boy like him. Someone who came from such a broken background, someone so weak, unable to stand up to his father. Guys like him never got the girl, at least not the girl that he wanted but Natsuo also never imagined that you came from a background similar to his. It was so ethereal and special to be here with you, to be the one you were opening up to, even if it was a fake relationship, Natsuo was trying desperately to shoot his shot.

"You're so strong, you know that? Your parents raised you with these unrealistic standards on how you should act, but you're in college, you're pursuing your dreams. You're amazing."

Natsuo's hand reached out and grabbed yours, his cold one in yours soliciting goosebumps and a little shiver. You quickly tried to pull your and out of his and stood up to make it look like you weren't trying to avoid skin contact with him.

"Thanks, Natsuo... You're amazing too, I mean hello, they way you subtly told my father to shove his marriage ideals? It was hilarious, he was not expecting that."

You looked away from Natsou to hide the blush in your cheeks, you were thankful for the way he stood up to your father for you. You could never have done that in a million years.

"Anyway, we should probably get dressed, and go down before my mother thinks we've started having sex. You can get dressed in here and I'll go to the bathroom, just knock when it's safe for me to come out."

You grabbed your dress out of the bag and scurried into the bathroom. You started with makeup, then you reapplied your deodorant. You were so nervous that your family would see right through your lie. After taking a few deep breaths you heard Natsuo's knock so you quickly unzipped your silk, baby blue dress and pulled it up to your body. Nervously, you popped your head out the door and bit your lip.

"Can you... Can you zip me up?"

"Sure!"

You let the door open more and pulled the front of your dress tight against your body, worried and nervous to be partially naked in front of him. Natsuo sauntered into the bathroom and zipped the back of your dress up. His cold hands glide up your back and then fell down on your hips. It made you shiver again before throwing him a grateful smile.

"Thanks."

"No problem, you look beautiful."

You looked in the mirror at the two of you together. This time as the blush rose to your cheeks you didn't have the cold to blame or the ability to turn around and hide your face.

"Ready to meet the rest of the snake nest?"

"I survived your parents, I think I can handle your siblings."

Arm in arm looped together you made your way downstairs and into the entertainment room with Natsuo. Your siblings were sitting on the couch, but once you walked in their eyes struck you. They heard you brought a date and they wanted to check him out. Their eyes glazed over him some of them in interest, some in disinterest. All judging.

"I heard you brought a boy, didn't believe it."

The comment comes from your older sister. Her voice was full of disdain and disinterest, undoubtedly ready to leave.

"Yeah, mother said you brought a boy, didn't think he'd be so hot."

Natsou coughs uncomfortably as you showed a tight, fake smile to your sister. You couldn't lie, it hurt that your younger sister would so blatantly flirt with your boyfriend upon meeting him, whether he be fake or not.

"Don't be such a slut, [Sisters Name]. That's your sister's boyfriend."

Your older brother scolded his youngest sister for her lustful behavior and she rolls her eyes before she crosses her arms in a pout. Your brother was the nicest out of all your siblings. He was nice to you and your siblings in his own way, protective of his younger siblings, constantly scolding and trying to keep you all in place. That didn't mean he couldn't be a snake, he could just tolerate you and your siblings more.

"Besides, he's not all that hot."

"Oh he totally is, it's seriously a wonder how [Y/N] got him."

You brought Natsuo over to the couch and sat down next to him. You even made sure to sit close to him, close enough so you could lean into each other like a cute couple.

"I think I prefer your parents."

His words whispered in your ear earning a light chuckle from you. Your sister, the younger one, evidently didn't like how close you both were. With a harsh glare, she rolled her eyes again.

"How did you even meet? Seriously, I wanna know why he would downgrade to someone like you."

Natsuo scratched the back of his head awkwardly and nervously He didn't understand why your siblings were so mean to you. His father was a bastard, that closed you off, that he could get. Despite that, he and his siblings never put each other down like they were doing.

"More like she downgraded to me. We met in school, lab partners. She had all the boys chasing for her in school, but somehow she chose me."

Your sister scoffed and this time you rolled your eyes. She always gave you such shit over the littlest things. You didn't have the energy for this, at least not sober. You whispered into Natsuo's ear softly.

"I need a drink, you want one? We'll need it to get through the evening."

"If your alcohol mixing skills are anything like your chemistry mixing skills, then no."

"Meanie, I'm a great chemist, I practically carry our grade."

Natsuo chuckled against your cheek, before pulling back and kissing it. Again, a blush adorned your cheek with no way to hide it. It was brief and quick, but his cold lips ghosted against your cheek. All you could do was abruptly stand up with a smile on your face.

"I'm gonna go find an alcoholic beverage. I'll be right back, play nice with him."

Natsuo watched helplessly as you walked off into the distance. He sat there quietly, patiently waiting for you to come back. Natsuo was such a cool, calm collected guy, but alone with your siblings, he felt nervous. Seeing the way they acted with you gave him a bad impression of them, but he has to play nice because he was your boyfriend.

"You know, an alcoholic drink does sound great."

Your older sister stood up from the couch and walked off in the same direction as you did, the kitchen presumably, to make herself a drink as well. Soon, your brother left the room as well, your little sister bit her lip as she watched your brother walk off in the direction of the bathroom. She was quick to stand and in the place you once held occupied.

"My sister said play nice, but I'd rather play rough."

She slid her hand over his thigh and inched it closer to his crotch while she smiled up at him, nibbling on her lip.

"What are you doing? I'm here with your sister, I'm her boyfriend."

"Ugh, what do you even see in her? She's not even pretty."

Before Natsou could reply, before he could defend you, your sister climbed across his lip and planted her lips against his. He wasn't kissing her back, but with her on top of him, her pressing her face against his, and her fingers deeply gripping his clothes it was difficult to get her off of him. He wasn't kissing back, he was trying to push her off but as you walked up with two margaritas in hand all you saw was your fake boyfriend kissing your sister.

It hurt. It shouldn't have, but it hurt. He wasn't yours, not really. He was just your lap partner, your friend. He wasn't your boyfriend, you were just fake dating. He wasn't yours. He wasn't yours, but it hurt to see your sister all over him. He wasn't yours, but for the night he was supposed to be. He wasn't yours but for the sake of your lie you did what any girl would do after finding her boyfriend cheating on her: You dumped your margarita down the skank.

"[Brothers Name] is right, you are a slut! And you- you-"

As your sister pulled herself off of Natsuo she looked up at you shocked with alcohol dripping down her body, you ignored her and turned your attention to Natsou. Your eyes were blurry but you had to will yourself not to cry.

"I don't need you here. You can just leave."

You didn't wait for Natsou to get up and leaves nor did you want for him to talk and explain anything to you. You simply took off in the direction of your bedroom, slamming the door behind you. Natsuo quickly jumped up on his feet and took off in the direction of your bedroom. He didn't knock, he didn't wait for permission, he just busted in and ran over to you.

"If you want to make out with my sister, that's fine. I get it, she's pretty, she's hot, she's better than me. She's everything you'd want, but you were supposed to be here with me! You were supposed to be here as my boyfriend! My parents were supposed to think we're in love. You were supposed to be mine, I don't care if it's fake, you cheated with my sister!"

The tears were leaking down your cheeks as you yelled at him. No words could pass Natsuo's lips, no matter how hard he tried. They couldn't. Seeing your tears, a product of him hurt. It hurt. He hurt you. He was trying his best to shoot his shot, he was trying to subtly woo you.

"Your sister came on to me, I tried pushing her away. She's really is a snake, you said it yourself!"

You still sniffled as you nodded at him. He was right, you had said that. He was right, she is a snake and this is exactly what she would do just to screw with your life.

"I'm sorry, your right. I shouldn't have acted like that, you're not actually mine. Natsuo, I do need you, I need you here."

"What if I wanted you to really be mine?"

You sniffling stopped as Natsuo took closer steps to you. He placed his hands on your cheeks and pulled your lips against his. This was different from earlier. The kiss wasn't quick, it was long. It was long and passionate, yet cold. Despite your shivers, you found yourself leaning into him, into the kiss.

"You- You can't do that, it's against the rules."

"Screw the rules. I just- I wish you needed me every night of the year, not just Christmas."

Natsuo ran his hands through his hair nervously. He thought speaking against your father and defending you against your sister was enough to get his point across. This idea of verbally speaking it, it scared him. This was uncharted territory for him.

"I want you [Y/N]. I want you every day of the year. I want to kiss you on the lips, I want to hold hands, I want dates and hugs. I want more than chemistry class and Christmas gatherings."

"Then you can have me! Have me every day of the year. Be mine, every day of the year. Take me on a date, hold my hand, kiss my lips!"

Natsuo pulled you against him and your face collided with his chest. You buried your face in his chest as your arms wrapped around his body and a smile formed.

"Let's not fake date, be my actual girlfriend."

You leaned up and left a quick chaste kiss on Natsuo's lips with a smile.

"I don't want anyone else to be my actual boyfriend, I suppose you might say we chemistry."

#bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha x reader #mha x reader #mha #x reader #anime x reader #boku no hero academia x reader #boku no hero #x reader insert #natsuo x reader #bnha natsuo x reader #mha natsuo x reader #mha todoroki x reader #bnha todoroki x reader #todoroki x reader #natsuo todoroki x reader #mha natsuo todoroki x reader #bnha natsuo todoroki x reader #todoroki natsuo x reader #bnha todoroki natsuo x reader #mha todoroki natsuo x reader #natsou x reader #bnha natsou x reader #mha natsou x reader #natsou todoroki x reader #bnha natsou todoroki x reader #mha natsou todoroki x reader #natsou todoroki

[boop-le-snoot]

PARTY FAVOURS I the scholar interlude

💖 first time reader click here 💖

Bruce Banner angst (&POV). Because our boys are sad and writer has a saviour complex. That's about it.

For the longest time, Bruce Banner considered himself unwanted, unloveable, undesirable. He would've been just as happy to be ignored as he was content with existing only within the confines of his own lab, his presence on this planet only marked by the ever growing pile of projects and articles with his name on them.

Dr. Robert Bruce Banner. He wanted nothing to do with his father's name so he dropped it years ago but one look at his government ID still made him sick deeply in the pit of his stomach. Sometimes, being the Hulk had it's advantages, and by that he meant, it was good that people mostly left him alone.

But his life was built on exceptions and he knew that sooner or later, the carefully maintained balance would tip one way or another. The exception came in a form of a fellow brilliant scientist and innovative engineer - just like multiple times before, he'd worked side by side with Tony without a second thought, not expecting much more than the feeble attempts to make friends and subsequent abandonment once Tony got what he wanted from him.

Bruce failed to take into account, perhaps, the most obvious thing: Tony was a man who had everything and nothing. Bruce didn't expect Tony's deeply rooted loneliness to affect him; after all, he was used to being alone himself, alone was safe, for everyone, not just him. But Tony's smile was a little wicked, and it knocked and knocked on his doors until he had no other option but to let Tony in.

"PUNY BANNER ALWAYS AFRAID," Hulk mocked him inside his head. Despite wanting to blow out his brains every single day, Bruce sighed and soldiered on, focusing on his research instead of answering to his green problem. It was all pointless anyway.

Days blended into one another like they tended to do when one had no destination; achievements and professional success stacked up on top of each other but it was all a tapestry, background noise to his ever-living cacophony of problems and struggles with fighting with himself. Every day, he wanted just to lay down and die.

In times like these, the Hulk took the wheel, dipping Banner nose-first, like a misbehaving pet, into the fact that he had nothing to live for. Nothing to look forward to. The meaninglessness of his life.

"Maybe, the destination isn't that important," She was a child, a girl little out of her teens, and it alarmed Bruce how much she seemed to agree with him sometimes. It seemed wrong for someone so young to be so disillusioned with life. "Maybe it was the shawarma we ate along the way," She shrugged, not noticing how those words seemed to affect Bruce at all. These days, it seemed, children crawled out of the womb already bitter and disappointed.

It went on like that for ages. She was a contradiction, very much like Tony, with a grin that was a little wicked and a mouth that was a little shameless. She bore no expectations towards him and seemed to be slightly afraid of herself; the longer he thought about it, the less sense it made. He was a logical man, left-brain-dominant, and he was entirely sure it should have been the other way around.

The Hulk, however, didn't seem to agree with him. As usual, he wanted to say, the green beast was just making his life difficult because he - he was the anger, the grief Banner himself hadn't been allowed to express - but the more he was forced to listen to the Hulk's ramblings, the more terrified he found himself. Because he agreed.

She'd smile at him over the top of the beaker and Bruce'd smile back before he could catch himself. The guilt always came and went. It was hard to feel guilty when she refused to. The carelessness that all young people possessed was blossoming in her; only later he found out how wrong he was - there was no carelessness, there was no youthful joy, she was just as afraid and confused as he was.

"Puny Banner afraid," Hulk remarked, thoughtfully.

Yes, yes, he was afraid. He was afraid he'd tainted her somehow, but Hulk violently rebuked the thought, refusing to let him out for several hours, taking control almost pleadingly as the green beast attempted to convince Banner befriend the girl. In the end, he gave in. He always gave in.

He was afraid many times after that one, but it was a different fear. Fear of loss wasn't anything either Banner or Hulk were familiar with so the learning process took even less time than they both predicted; somehow, the woes of figuring out a friendship with an outsider united the man and the beast more than any battle against a common enemy. It was puzzling but also incredibly rewarding; the joys of a common success elevating both persons stuck in a single body.

"Banner afraid?" The Hulk asked, seeing the Asgardian trickster himself enter the lab.

No, Bruce said, because Loki looked like he'd rather be anywhere else but in the green beast's lair; something important was on his mind and if they had to guess, it was their Princess.

"The Widow asked me a favour," Loki began, eyeing the various contraptions in the lab. "Although, I must admit, I have no idea why she thinks you can do serious damage. The beast is merely a beast and you, Banner, would rather shoot yourself in the foot than harm anyone but yourself," The man's tone was bored.

"I don't understand..?" Bruce was confused, temporarily losing the guarded attitude.

"I think you do. And it's about time you stop making other people save you from yourself," Loki's green eyes caught his own and Banner's breath got stuck in his throat; there was something intimate, a very familiar expression on Loki's face. It disappeared as soon as Bruce quietly acknowledged it. "I, for one, have no desire to lose this... Sense of companionship that has been cultivated recently." With that, the god turned around and promptly exited the space, taking any possibility of explanation with him.

"Banner afraid of himself," The Hulk concluded, uncharacteristically mellow in the back of his mind. Bruce cursed wordlessly, the green beast merely laughing in response. "Princess isn't afraid of Banner, isn't afraid of Hulk," The Jolly Green boasted, feeling way too satisfied for someone who'd made their first friend.

The childlike joy was infectious, it turned out, and day after day it became easier to breathe around here. Only his darker part wasn't as under control as it used to be and continuously craved more and more; as soon as Bruce acknowledged she was no child but rather a very capable, intelligent woman who's been forced to grow up sooner than strictly necessary, the desire consumed him, turned him careless and sloppy.

It didn't help that Tony had come to the same conclusion. Hulk all but forced Banner to go out and confess and clear his conscience; it seemed that lately, out of two of them, Hulk was the adult and Banner was the child being egged on to finally grow up by a persistent, supportive parent. Hulk and supportive? More likely that you'd think, especially when the green creature itself was interested in a positive outcome.

"Banner afraid?" Hulk's quiet words provided him with the strength he needed to meet her eyes, wide and round, as she wordlessly pleaded with him to help her. No, he was not afraid, not anymore. He believed her, he believed himself. For the first time in ages, he had a reason to be.

Banner wasn't afraid anymore. That said, it wasn't as if he suddenly became careless and sloppy - more like the opposite. Turned out, he was living his life without a care in the world but his paralyzing fear of himself. It was hard to be afraid under a thousand-watt smile, it was impossible to stay invisible seeing yourself reflect in eyes that shone brighter than the stars.

He'd always considered himself to be a hopeless romantic to the point of ridicule. He'd reached a point where love songs made sense and no poet was quite skilled enough to capture the sweet storms raging behind his ribs. If anything, she returned the sentiment tenfold, quietly and shyly.

Love didn't scream from the rooftops and didn't force him to fall head over heels only God knew where; it had been next to him the whole time, quiet and drowsy, waiting, expecting. Over dinner or under florescent lab lights, the Beast and his Beauty shared the conversations, ate the soul food.

"I think, if I had to ask for a portrait of Us, I would have to request the painting twice," She said, puzzling his mind (as usual). He remained quiet, expecting her to explain. "There are the public Us, the ones that wear their suits and smiles like warriors wear armour. That's the way I want the world to remember me, pretty and smiling. I don't want people to cry at my funeral, I want them to dance and be happy because I existed," She caught his stare, smile a little too teasing and eyes a little too serious. "And then there are Us that only we see. It's intimate and I don't think the whole world has earned the privilege to see me like that. I don't think some paper shark should have the honour to see the way Tony's eyes light up for you or the way Loki gets gentle around Wanda. Things like that are earned," It was bizarre, it was strange and it made all the sense.

Perhaps, it was the fact that his Princess was just as weird as the rest of them that made her fit in so quickly, so easily. And he was afraid - it was only a matter of time until the idyllic atmosphere would turn into something heavy and difficult.

It did, but not in the way he thought it would be. For the first time in years, Banner was angry. Not Hulk - Bruce was angry, and he allowed that anger to flow, to course through his veins like molten lava. He didn't fight it, he wasn't afraid of it. Not anymore.

She took it away, too. In the end, she was the bandaid to his bleeding wound, the lullaby to soothe his fear - Banner was angry but Hulk was afraid. They both knew they were helpless, having to rely on others to make sure they will never, ever feel that way again.

So when the female-looking symbiote landed on the patio of the residential floor, Bruce's heart skipped a single beat only. Tony's prone form raised a reasonable amount of concern, but their attention quickly turned to the girl-no, woman, standing still, both terrified and fearless at the same time, as she once again took his fear and anger away.

She was beautiful, like a goddess, like a Valkyrie from Thor's tales, dropping the enemy at their feet like a cat brought his prey to it's owner; her actions screamed "love me" but her words knew it might as well be the last time she'd see them be warm towards her. Much like Banner, she was afraid of herself. Of what she's capable of.

"Bruce, don't tell me you're okay with this," Tony pleaded. Banner knew Tony, he knew how sensitive was the engineer to his personal bubble being broken and he knew, she knew it, too. If she was willing to take the risk, they meant more than life to her. It was an honour, really.

"I'm not but I have to be," He removed his glasses, rubbed his eyes. "I can't risk it, Tony. If we reject her now, we'll never see her again. She's just as terrified as we are, if not more. We've been living like this, what, five, ten years? And it never gets easier. I know it, you know it." The more he spoke, the surer he became. "She accepted us, our shit and all. For once, I'll be the better person and do the same." With that, he departed for her, hugging her from behind as Natasha and Loki stood by her side with Wanda holding onto the Asgardian.

Bruce held his breath until Tony joined in, hiding his silent tears in his shirt. Neither of them could decide what hurt more - losing her or the potential of facing the very unforgiving reality of their life. Bruce had to trust Tony to pick the right option, to do the right thing and it was terrifying, it was skin-frightening but sometimes, there was just no other way.

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