#rather than my questionable personality and my incapability of keeping things to myself and wording things coherently and politely

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: (Follow up to post 698753602168242176) Hello there! 23m INFJ here. I'd first like to say that I'm extremely grateful for your patience with my previous asks. The insight you provided into my stack–particularly around the theme of having a lack of integrity–has given me much to think about over these (almost two!) years. I want to ask for your insight on a roadblock I've encountered multiple times in the therapy I've been receiving over the past year.

In almost every single session, I come fully prepared: I rehearse a list of 'problem topics' to discuss with my therapist in-session, and try to mine as much insight as I can from them before I discuss. My therapist prefers an unstructured kind of approach, allowing me to form what the sessions look like, and I have preferred having a 'route' of scenarios that link together with common themes, just to ensure that I am effectively using my therapy time.

One issue I've ran into is that we often finish discussion of these topics with plenty of time to spare, leaving me a little lost for words. I believe I am a person who is good at improvising conversation, but in these moments in therapy I run into a complete standstill: my mind draws blank, I have zero perception of what has bothered me, and I am unable to produce anything 'meaningful' for our sessions.

A couple of times, I have asked my therapist: "Do you have any questions for me?" With which he always asks me the same questions: "Why are you here today? What do you need help with? What bothers you right now, in your day-to-day life?" These questions always, always catch me off-guard and I'm unable to answer. I have an extremely poor perception of myself, and usually feel nothing on a day-to-day basis. I try to explain this as best as I can to my therapist, to which he says he understands, but cannot help me if I am not providing a source of conflict/pain/discomfort to work with. This often leaves me extremely upset and frustrated, like I'm a lost cause or incapable of receiving help.

In recent sessions I've tried to be more freeform and less structured, and it does feel like it's helping. However, I do still have this fear that I'm approaching things completely wrong, like it's impossible for anyone to help me if I'm not even sure what I need help for. This lack of self-awareness is nauseating and I don't know how to fix it.

------------------------

Therapy isn't a performance or competition. It's not a place to get judged or judge yourself. It's not a test or exam that you have to prepare the right answers to pass. It's also not an exact science of rules to follow to the letter. Ideally, therapy is a safe space for you to explore freely and gradually raise self-awareness as you discover more about yourself.

Some aspects of the therapeutic process upset you and you stewed about them alone, perhaps because you are in the habit of keeping a tight leash on yourself and can't proceed unless you feel more in control of things. Many Js have a tendency to manage anxiety by imposing structure or control. In the real world, this tendency easily becomes a deeply ingrained habit because you regularly get rewarded for "having it together" or "being on top of things". However, in the therapy world, one of the main goals is to let feelings/emotions rise up and come out freely so that you can explore what they really mean. Therefore, the habit of being too controlled/controlling can work against you in therapy if it basically creates a dam that prevents the deeper parts of your psyche from flowing out.

This might be why approaching sessions in a less structured way is helpful, as you release yourself from the compulsion to control. It allows you to discover important things that you didn't realize needed to be explored. Instead of going off alone to stew about whatever upset you, why not express your feelings as they happen in real-time? Why ask me about it rather than the therapist? Whatever it is you need to happen or want to do, either allow it or communicate about it honestly. E.g. If you don't know what else to say and it starts to make you anxious, communicate your anxiety to the therapist. If the therapist asks questions that catch you off-guard or make you feel bad, then explore the negative feelings right then and there.

In my last response, I said: "If you are indeed INFJ, to get back on the right type development path requires you to confront and resolve the deeper emotional problems that have been festering." This means emotional intelligence is a key factor in your personal growth. It's important that you learn to welcome and embrace feelings/emotions as they come and process them as they exist in the present, rather than ruminating on them after the fact. This also ties in with the issue of integrity; it's hard to maintain integrity when you're not in touch with yourself and listening carefully to your emotional needs.

The habit of keeping feelings/emotions at bay or tightly under control is usually indicative of an underlying fear of them. As long as you fear looking within (or keep trying to obscure what's really happening because you don't like what you see/feel), therapy is going to seem slowgoing. Perhaps you think therapy should be revealing certain truths to you, but, actually, you should be the one revealing the truths. The therapist is only there to reflect your truths back to you with greater clarity. While the therapist has a genuine desire to help, it is an important part of their training to never work harder than the client. They only work with what you give them, so, if it seems as though there's not much happening, it's because you haven't revealed enough of yourself.

This brings us to the most important point of what's really stopping you from revealing yourself. You seem to have an issue with being self-critical. Self-critical people can't stand to look at themselves and they assume others will judge them similarly, which leads to feeling anxious or unsafe in social situations. Many people cope by getting into the habit of hiding all the aspects of themselves that are deemed "ugly" or "undesirable", which often includes all the negative feelings and emotions they don't want to experience. In the end, all that is visible is the mask they've chosen.

Until you can approach yourself with more kindness and compassion, the safety of hiding or obscuring the truth of yourself will always be too tempting. Perhaps self-compassion and self-expression are issues you can work on in therapy. Allow yourself to be human and "imperfect" and drop the facade of control, and then you might find that you have a lot more material to work with.

#infj #auxiliary fe #ti loop #emotional intelligence #social anxiety #self compassion #self esteem #self worth #control #perfectionism #therapy #psychology #ask

[ikesenwritings]

Wounds

A/N: This was so hard to finish 🥲🥲 but I think I’m pretty proud of this one ! I hope you like it as much as I do <3 (The last bit of dialogue is a quote from a TV show called New Amsterdam according to Google! I saw it online and it just broke my heart 😭) Pairing: Mitsuhide x Reader Category: A little fluff and some angst Warnings: Brief description of injuries to the hands Word Count: 1.5k

Add. Notes: None of Mitsuhide’s route has actually happened but this takes place roughly three months after your arrival (with no looming wormhole and no idea that you’re from the future). Mostly just ramblings and thoughts from our kitsune.

Mitsuhide's POV

Oh, my little one, you wouldn't believe me if I revealed to you the truth of my feelings—that, in this moment, the feather-light touch of your fingers across my bruised and broken skin would be enough to sustain me through this life knowing I could never truly share it with you.

Your hands are quite small and unscathed in comparison to mine, but they are not without their own history of hard work. Callouses kiss the tips of your fingers in a way I wish I could. They leave a lasting impression on your person. I can only assume they were the result of you pricking your fingers with a threaded needle one too many times.

How wonderful and uncommon for someone to pursue their passions so freely in this time. So please, little mouse. Continue allowing your "rough" hands to meet mine. Permit me this one indulgence: your touch. Give me a piece of you that could have been a part of me if I hadn’t grown up in such circumstances.

Would you be so courteous, my love, as to allow me one more revelation? As of late, these meetings of ours have left me questioning my abilities. I wonder: when had this little charade of ours become a routine?

When, after I've fulfilled my duties, I find myself in your chambers?

When, after the sun has stowed itself away, I consider you to be my personal healer?

I learned to be content with loving you from a distance. So when had I become more selfish than I already allowed myself to be when I am in your presence? To have my hidden desire for you dictate my actions rather than my wit and ambition? Have I veered too off-course? Is this what you have done to me? Am I content with such a change?

I never wanted you in my world; one of violence and deception.

But there you were, rooting yourself in my life—asking if I ate my meals, if I slept, why I always poked fun at you, asking for my opinion of castle-goers that "only a kitsune would have."

And there I was, unable to shut you out, incapable of resisting you. My funny, inquisitive, fiery little mouse. If Hideyoshi was the castle charmer, you were the enchantress.

My love, you are addictive. I am seated on your futon but I am evil. You may perceive me as a good man of the Oda forces. I am no such thing, nor am I a kind man. The role of Nobunaga's left-hand—there is no one in Azuchi more suited for this job than I am… though I suppose you are aware of that and chose to ignore it, for I am seated on your futon and I am evil and this is a tender moment I will continue to relive until you refuse me at your doorstep.

I crave this. Your presence, your touch, is my drug. Like a fine herbal remedy. If I were a god, I would command that your presence never escape mine—such a glorious reprieve from my duties.

“You can’t keep doing this.”

Your words cut through the silence as easy as ripping parchment.

Oh dear, perhaps my abilities have deteriorated. I certainly wasn't expecting to hear your soft voice. Nights like these usually passed without a word—a surprise at first—I thought you'd have endless questions for me, silly mouse, what with all the regular prying you liked to do in my life.

While I've seemed to lose count of our nightly meetings, I do recall the very first. I recall rising you out of your sleep. Yes, it was quite pleasing to see that sleepy expression of yours. But I knew you could not mistake the smell of blood and sweat mixed together once you came to.

Your tired gaze had shifted from one of confusion to one of shock when your eyes landed on my forearm. Your movements were stilted as you gathered the supplies I held in my hands and started bandaging a large gash that I had sustained from a sword fight with a rebellious daimyo and his militiamen.

I recall having my subordinates spread gossip amongst the maids at the time. I planned for whispers around the castle to let you know all about my role as Nobunaga's left-hand man without much frightening detail. I was sure it would be enough to keep you at arm's length. Clearly, I underestimated you.

You can't keep doing this.

Keep injuring myself? Keep inviting myself into your chambers? These are not easy asks, little one.

But you should not hold concern for someone like me.

To have you patch my shallow wounds would be enough. I believe something as superficial has to be enough.

You can’t keep doing this.

Such simple words yield such complex feelings. Oh, how I wished everything I did was done to please you. And yet, I mustn’t allow myself such fulfillment.

Perhaps I should steer this conversation in another direction before it even starts. I assumed a face one would reserve for a child and spoke in a mock apologetic tone. "I know," I teased. "Azuchi's princess requires a proper amount of rest."

Dearest me… my silly mouse does not seem willing to converse in a light manner this night. I should smooth out the crease in your tightly-knit eyebrows, kiss your frown away. Perhaps I shouldn't.

You surveyed my now bandaged hands that remain cradled in yours. I know what you are thinking, my love. Remembering the degree of my injuries just a moment before—immensely swollen, purple, and covered in blood—you contemplated whether I'd listen to the opinions you'd been forming of me and the manner by which I operate over the past two months.

Everything you say to me holds such meaning. For you, little one, I would carve whatever you wanted to say to me into my being, carry your words with me wherever I ventured.

"Mitsuhide."

A certain urgency in that beautiful voice of yours. Need not. I shall continue to joke for your sake, though maybe it’s really for mine.

I wish to keep these meetings light, just as you are.

“My, what a stern tone. Perhaps Hideyoshi spends too much time following you around when I’m not here.”

Stay there. With Hideyoshi and Masamune and the others. Stay where it is bright, but not too bright for me.

Shall I make one last attempt at quelling your worry?

“I’m okay, little mouse. I see Iesayu has been teaching you. Your touch heals me much faster than before.”

It really does.

Then you say, “People in this castle care about you.”

Your voice comes as a whisper and you sound almost like a child consoling a hurt parent and I feel like pieces of my life could begin chipping away—as if all of the things I’ve endured, the pain and suffering associated, could be erased by your words.

It seems foolish, really.

How did I come to be here? To be in Azuchi? To be alongside Oda Nobunaga himself? To be consumed so wholly as his left hand?

“Whom may that be, pray tell?” I ask.

“Hideyoshi, for starters. And Mitsunari. Nobunaga, Masamune, Ieyasu… me.”

Yes. I now know that I am, indeed, more selfish than I’d been when we first met, for I wouldn’t have strung such a declaration from you. A declaration I was well aware of by now, but my dear, it is much more lovely to have it fall upon my ears.

There are moments where there is truly nothing to be desired, but there are times spent with you, and I come to realize that I desire things for myself much more than I let on.

You. I want you.

These are the words that should flow out of my mouth. A silly but earnest confession.

But instead, I say, “Yes, I suppose the people in this castle serve society well. They have a predisposition to care for others, even me.”

You shake your head in disbelief. Frustration, even?

“No—why are you saying that?! You walk around like you’re waiting for your last day or something. Like you’ve shouldered everyone’s burdens and you’re not sure when you might collapse but you’re willing to carry more and more.” All I hear is your anguish. “You get to be selfish, you know? You deserve a lot more than what people take you for.”

My love…

I gather you in my arms. The burning sensation of my injured hands pressed firmly on your back is an afterthought. I rest my head on your shoulder. My gaze is directed at nothing in particular, but I do catch the peaceful sway of the cherry blossoms outside your window. Such contrast from the tumult of feelings I hold for you. In this moment, I feel as though my heart could not beat any faster. As if all my energy was used to fuel the song my heart sings for you, my words come out in a strained whisper: “You have no idea just how selfish I am... you are my greatest joy and deepest pain."

And a gasp as light as the wind that blows through the cherry blossoms escapes my little one. A lovely sound to mend my wounds.

#cybird ikemen #ikemen sengoku #ikesen #mitsuhide akechi #akechi mitsuhide #ikemen mitsuhide #ikesen mitsuhide #ikesen fanfic

[sikapa1345-23]

Random draft from a book I'm not writing.

Title: scarlet: forces of evil.

From what I had heard so far, my life wasn't going to be normal even if I wanted it to be, contemplating about it seemed useless since everything had already been settled by them, but it didn't stop me from worrying about my uncle, what would I tell him how could I tell him i was leaving, with a good explanation?

I assumed they hadn't thought of that considering the way they are and took it upon myself to worry about it, I knew whatever they could have thought of would be either hurtful or deadly, and I didn't want to hurt my uncle nor kill.

I needed something solid to make up, something that made enough sense for him to agree and let me go my way, however the chances of on person doing that was low in my situation, because I've realised over the years that whenever I'm stressed I struggle to come up with something good, but when the pressure on me is low I manage quit well.

It wasn't a part of me that I was proud of, mainly because I was to be saving people soon and keeping my identity a secret is a huge part of keeping the people safe.

And now that I was going to be a queen in a different land a different country and a different universe, I needed to be good under pressure, with everything that was happening i realised that I needed to be a good leader.

Where has the leader in me gone? At the start of high school and college everyone around me said I would be a great leader but after I started hero academia it seemed the leader in me disappeared, or maybe people simply stopped telling me me.

Brady definitely didn't think I was going to be a good leader let alone a queen, I could tell, it showed on his face the way he spoke the way he stood and the way he stared at me, as if I were his enemy.

There was more to it than they had told me, if my snooping hadn't told me anything, but the question was, what could be the secret that they are hiding from me.

I wanted to trust brady but by the way things were going I had lost trust for him a long time ago, though it could be just an assumption I didn't want to risk anything just because he was my boyfriend.

I sighed as I slouched on the chair.

There was no way I could stop whatever they were planning for me, and I knew that very well so that I didn't bother asking anymore questions, but I could atleast try and delay it for only a while so I could spend time with my family before all hope is lost for me.

Knock*

I stared at my door for what seemed like an hour before yelling the words the person behind that door was waiting for, "come in!" The door opened and in walked Brady some concern written on his face, before he spoke, "close your legs scarlet," I pressed my legs together out of instinct and immediately returned to my original position.

"It's not like a queen to do such things" he scolded as he sat on the edge of the bed, i sighed and obeyed his words, not willingly, "I'm sorry if being a bit controlling, I'm just worried about you scarlet" he continued, "I'm worried that you won't be able to handle all the pressure, all the responsibility of handling a kingdom a nation, its not that easy I'm-

"Brady, I can handle myself okay, why does everybody think I'm incapable of ruling a kingdom, afterall its my destiny, eventually I will get right" said rather harshly causing Brady to flinch a little, it...surprised me, did he think I was going to use my pwoers on him, I would never.

I stood up and sat next to him, "Brady, I...need you to trust me" even if I don't trust you, I was being unfair, I was being a hypocrite and I knew that, but I still needed him, more now than ever, he was in fact the only person left I had because I was leaving my uncle Laura Diana Bridget and Amanda behind and only two of them knew I was leaving them.

"scarlet... he smiled a little before holding on to my hand. I trust you" I placed my head on his shoulder, guilt spread around my body in an instant causing my eyes to water, Brady slightly pushed a strand of my hair behind my ear before kissing my forehead. "I love you" he muttered as he placed his head on mine.

"Likewise" I replied causing him to chuckle, that deep chuckle that gave me butterfly's, "you know scarlet I've been thinking" I rose my head from his shoulder a much serious look on my face, waiting for him to share what was on his mind.

"Since you're going away from here...I was thinking that maybe you should tell your uncle about everything" I stared at him for a brief moment before looking down on my hands a sigh escaping my lips as I did: there wasn't a day were I didn't think about telling my uncle about my powers the acadamia etc.

But I knew what came with telling him and I didn't want to risk his life, especially now that I was about to leave.

It wouldn't be fair for him to know the truth yet be in danger, keeping him in the dark seemed much more reasonable, because he would be safe and being safe was much better than knowing the truth and being in danger, at least that was my thought process but at the end he was my responsibility not their's or even Brady's.

"No, it's for his own safety" I protested as I stood up on my feet, "I can't bare to lose him" Brady nodded a sly smile on his face, he looked proud of me, the way I spoke and how defensive I was about my uncle, "okay...we- he stopped mid sentence as he turned around to face the door after we heard a knock.

The person behind the door didn't give me a chance to speak before she walked in, "Laura?" I muttered as she entered and closed the door behind her, "hello lovebirds" she chimed, "umm...the consule wants to see you"

"The both of you"

.

"Are you ready to be a queen?"

I looked down at my fidgeting hands, had i known that she would have asked such a question I would have at least prepared a good answer as to say 'I'm not quite there'

To say I was ready wouldn't be a lie but to say I was ready would also be lie, I was in between and still deciding whether I was willing to leave everyone i love for people I don't know yet they trust their lives in my hands.

"Y..es" I hesitated still looking at my hands, "that took too long to answer, are you sure? Scarlet?" I shook my head before lifting my gaze from my hands to the woman sitting across from me, we stared at each other for a long moment and during it slowly I saw her glare turn rather pitiful, her fierce gaze became one of a scared person'.

I shifted my gaze from her to the others around her and sure enough they all held the same fearful look on their faces, I turned around to see whether something was behind but nothing was there it was simply Brady and He didn't look intimidating.

Soon after my eyes landed on Brady' sighs of relief spread around the room Causing me to turn around and face them with my head slightly tilted questionably, the head mistress removed the hand that was resting on her chest before Looking up at me.

"Scarlet, who said you were level sixty?" She asked as she stood up, Brady came Up on the small platform beside, "I did" he answered.

The woman didn't seem to believe him and I found out why rather quickly, "scarlet you are not a level sixty"

"W-what?" I stepped forward and placed my hands on the Table in front as my legs weakened casuing me to fall to my knees, soon my hands weakened As well making it hard to hold myself up any longer, Brady caught me before I could fall allowing me to rest on his thigh.

"She has defeated all the odds and somehow she has made it to an impossible level to reach with her little experience" the head mistress continued as she came towards me and Brady, "she is beyond expectation grayson, even with you around she has managed to reach level s-

All rights reserved.

#books & libraries #bookworm #novelty #writer tumblr #writers #writblr #draft #random #reading #story writing #original story

[kaesileigh]

The question that will be asked me a few days from now will be this: how do I sabotage fulfilling my need for deep connection by pushing people away?

To which I will respond...

Something that I'm contemplating in the realm of Shadow work... I think part of my attachment and trouble letting go has to do with me being attached to figuring shit out, finding a solution, understanding something that eludes me. And buying into/believing/becoming attached to the illusion or the fantasy image that my mind devises rather than being present and accepting the present reality of things. Is that ego? Is that a defensive mechanism?

And then, thinking about the "arenas" through which our shadow work plays out...attachment I see most prevalent in my intimate relationships; my inability to let go of a person or an ideal. I become attached to how they make me feel seen, loved, safe to be myself--it's so rare that I let someone that far into my intimate space for fear of rejection, that once I do, I try to mold them into my expectations of a partner and support rather than accept them in all of their flaws and limitations. Attachment especially if I feel rejected in some way. Am I attached to the drama of it? Attachment driven by the fear of not being loved or accepted in all of my weirdness, my eccentricities and neuroses, my shadows as well as my light? ...A certain level of possessiveness and jealousy and insecurity comes out in this arena that I don't really see anywhere else. These qualities are hard to accept and stomach in myself. Hard to expose these aspects of myself to anyone. And I am repelled by these qualities in a partner.

The insecurity shows up in "performance"-oriented arenas as well--my job, softball, school... But there's not the same level of emotionalism, if that makes sense. I don't think I've ever "lost it" or experienced the depths of panic, fear and shame in those arenas as I have in intimate relationships. The insecurity more affects my confidence, which in turn affects my performance, ability to relate, and how I set boundaries. I've done a lot of work in this arena. Channeling enneagram 8 energy, fire energy, dragon energy--balancing fire and water.

And then, there is the shadow shit that comes up with relationships in general; the ability to form deep connections. This is actually one that I feel I've worked through for the most part. I remember a point in my life where I wondered if I was incapable of forming deep connections with anyone. I didn't feel close to anyone with the exception of maybe my mom and my sister and, to a lesser extent, my dad... But I think, in large part, I've worked through that shadow which dealt with this deep-seeded feeling of unworthiness as a human being and as a person in general; a deep shame.

So, what still remains is the residuals in the intimate connection piece. And that is something that frustrates the fuck out of me; that I seem to keep cycling through. Like a bad fucking version of groundhogs day. The thoughts and memories and trauma responses.. my moods being affected still to this day by the last individual I was involved with. I long to express to him how his behavior hurt/affected me and continues to, but I know it will have the same effect as it has previously--deepen the chasm between us. So. I swallow my feelings and words, choking on them as they keep rising in convulsions, subject only to soft releases through word vomit on a blog. I don't even speak them to friends anymore. Their tired ears no longer have capacity for this washed up story.

So, I wonder what about him specifically, and then what of the greater theme am I not learning? Am I not letting go of/clinging to? They I still believe I'm not lovable? That I have to change who I am or hide parts of who I am for someone to stay? But I don't really believe that... Or do I on a deeper level? What am I refusing to see or acknowledge? Because I swear to fuck I get that I'm worthy. I think I'm a great partner when treated well... I guess there still remains of part of me that is afraid of what wild, triggered angry, hurt Casey is capable of.

There is the shadow work around my body. Both in appearance and care/function. Do I accept her as she is? Love her in all her beauty and flaws? On my good days, yes. On my bad days...I can be downright brutal, aggressive, violent.

The shadow work of sex, sexual desire, & sexuality. What it means to live in a culture where, in many ways, sex and sexual desire is still taboo (especially in women). At least, expressing it openly is. I am in the painful process of healing deep, old wounds in this arena--From times of accepting certain treatment in an attempt to receive love, affection, romance. Add the fuel of a young, robust sexual desire without adequate guidance on how to channel these feelings--how to express them without shame and "hiding". Not receiving the messages that it's ok and natural to have these desires--here is how you channel them, be safe, and how you deserve to be treated.

So.

Why do I push people away?

To keep them from all of this-- this, that is going on within at all times. Because many have shown me that is more than they can (or care to) show up (and stay) for.

[starshipsofstarlord]

Can I request a Kai Parker smut

stuck in 1903

kai parker x reader / masterlist

summary; being trapped in the prison world after sacrificing yourself to protect your friends, leads to some very embarrassing and frustrating situations / warnings; kai being an annoying lil shit, mentions of death, smut, possessiveness, imprisonment,

the prison world, perhaps it would have been slightly peaceful if an entrapped witch was not following your every move like an obsessed ghost. he was relentless, stalking his threatening footsteps after your own, prowling for a manner of attention.

“if you stop this whole, ‘let’s walk in y/n’s shadow’ charade, i will have sex with you. can we pursue a deal concerning the matter?” instantly, the witch muted his movements, gripping onto the side of the aisle shelf as he studied you, searching to see if your prospectus contained serious regard.

once he had come to a conclusion, he raised his eyebrows. kai had tried his darnest to keep you contained in that house that he likened to call a home. there was something he didn’t wish for you to discover, he was keeping you isolated from everything within the empty world that his family had banished him to.

that made you think, that it was possible, that perhaps other souls had entered the enclosure of this world, and that was why you were seeking, in the hopes of providing yourself with the comfort that you weren’t alone in this cursed nation with the one, and the only, to your misfortune, kai parker.

there wasn’t much that you knew about him, he was a practical talker, rather than a personal one. he had stocks of questions about the modern world, so that he could relish in the imagery of how much it had evolved without him. a part of you pitied him, but another worried that there was a wisp of darkness that he was hiding.

you didn’t know him, he was a stranger, and that truth made him potentially dangerous. it was safe to always remain on your toes, even if he had a habit of trailing huskily after. it gave him no chance of envisioning you as a sitting duck, every day was the same, but he was the one thing that could change that.

one tip of his mindset, and he could remember that he preferred being alone. and he could kill you, piking you on a stake, despite being human, or using his siphoning hands to drain all life out of your body. this wasn’t your first rodeo with the aftermath of death; bonnie had found a way to bring you back, her power flowed through you, keeping you logically alive, to a fault that was.

parker licked his pork rind exploited lips, collecting the dust from the treat, and bringing it into the cauldron of his mouth. the man was thinking, and that idea alone scared you. however you waited for him to persevere with whatever was unravelling in his mind, although you could have easily passed him by, finding elsewhere to seek salvation.

“is there a due date for that offer, because i’d like to take you up on it right now?” a smirk curved his mouth. perhaps not every day was the same, this was certainly going to be different, that was one thing that was for sure.

he noticed how your shoulders withered from the thought; sex in a grocery store, you had never been so filthy, and despite there being nobody around to bare witness to the sin, it still had your skin crawling. hugging your arms across your chest, you sighed, giving into his slick prompt, leaning your head down out of self disrespect.

kai couldn’t be trusted, you knew that. not for the fact that his own family had sent him here, to wallow in nothing more than the loneliness of his own company. there had to be a reason! nobody’s mother nor father would do such an act for no resolving purpose.

gulping, you finally grew the guts to adjust your gaze on him, and how he tapped his foot, silently demanding a response. “i mean it kai, we have sex, and you stop trailing after me like some stray. you got that?”

he got it. his footsteps came closer to you as he backed you into a shelf along the outer wall, enclosing you against the packets of rustling pork rinds, accidentally crushing their interior contents, as you raised your chin up, obscenely glaring at the mysterious man.

“oh, i heard every word.” he held out his pinkie finger to make a promise, and sickeningly you reached your own out, shaking on it, before he rasped his hand around your wrist, pressing a kiss upon the thin flesh. leaning down, kai attached your lips, humming contently, it had been so long since he had endured the contact of another person.

with his unoccupied hand, he slithered it down your chest, dragging his knuckles down your stomach, before he reached the tender edge of your trousers. he toyed with the band, the action making you stifle any sounds of admitted likening to his teasing; if you did, then he would only continue to do so more.

it felt like forever since you had gotten laid, a large portion of you wanted kai to take you on the spot, which it looked as though that was his intent, and that he definitely would do so. but another felt sick of yourself, these were the extents that you would go to to be left alone, and there was not exactly a plan b if he didn’t.

you wanted to obtain a way out of this place, and possibly the only chance that you had of doing so was to wander away from his ever watching eyes, and strive on your own, trying to discover any evidence of life throughout this semi detached world. you felt like a cattle, being guarded by their herder, he was protecting you from anything that could daunt your mind with realisation.

it wasn’t the fact he was protective, it was more in the terms of possessiveness. though he wanted to leave, he claimed that there was no way out, he was intent on descending your hope of uncovering an escape, from not only the ghost town of your home, but from him also.

“what to first? should i just fuck you or make you blow me?” his teeth toyed with a sly smile, as though he were trying to convince you into a conflict regarding the answer. but instead of growing a fuzzy brain, you simply glared at him, pushing his fingers out from where they had slipped under the top of your bottoms, leaving the man to be a confused mess; it was kinda cute, but for all you knew, his often sublime attitude.

“i didn’t say foreplay parker, only sex was on the table. and that will be all you’re getting, unless you want me to leave you high and dry, and find another resolve to rid myself of your attached escapades of following after me like there’s a wire attached from me to you.”

“fine.” he raised his hands in a motion of surrender, chuckling lightly to himself. “i was just testing my luck, which is clear that i don’t have.” he turned, his brows going up higher on his face as he saw a variety of boxes stacked on one of the shelves. he picked one up, reading over the scripture as you scoffed.

“i don’t think your gonna need xxl, unless you’re going to cum that much since nobody has had their hands on you for a long time. you’ve had to suffice and please yourself for how long again?”

“spicy, i like it. eh, you’re right anyways.” he tossed the box down the aisle, grasping for another like a kid in the candy store, this time it was for the variety of average sized men. kai aggressively ripped the box open, causing the contents of packets to spill all over the ground.

“are you incapable of doing anything like a grown ass man?” it was irritating just watching him fail to do ordinary everyday tasks. he was destructive, and it seemed to be a large part of his personality.

“you won’t be asking that in a minute y/n/n.” he sent you a gruelling wink, making you inherently gulp, watching as he plucked a singular condom off the ground, holding it between his teeth as he began to unbuckle his belt, starting towards you.

“whatever you say kai.” rolling your eyes at his constant cockiness, you pried open your jeans, dropping your panties to the ground, as you caught kai frozen, with a slight swab of drool bathing his bottom lip. “come on, i am waiting, so hurry your ass up before i get bored of doing so.”

“you want this as much as i do, you just won’t admit it.” he lightly sneered towards you, and you felt your body flush with composed embarrassment. perhaps you had thought about the ordeal a little during the time you had been there, but there had to be some excuse! he was the only guy in a worldwide radius, that was a reasonable enough purpose.

when he was rid of apparel on his lower half, he rolled the protection onto his length, as he pinned you completely flush against the shelves of the aisle, one of his hands cupping your ass, before he helped you clamber into his arms, as he held your weight up.

you wrapped your legs expertly around his waist, biting your lip as he ran the tip of his cock against your clit, and then pushed into your walls, his moans reverberating erotically along the column of your throat, as he trailed his lips against your tender flesh.

“fuck, fuck, fuck.” he uttered as he began to thrust. it had been a long time since kai had endured any physical contact, let alone like this. the siphon was relishing in it, slipping his cock in and out of your folds as though that was his lifelong purpose.

for the first time in many years, he no longer felt trapped, he had inched into a small paving of freedom, all because he was inherent not to leave you to abandon alone. you too were also caught up in the web of pleasure, you didn’t here two specific sets of footsteps enter the store, searching for the witch that had claimed that he knew of a route out of this subordinate hell.

they had survived the enduring loss of their own freedom, being sucked from the force of a collapsing vacuum into this lonesome reality. the other side had fallen, and so had their jaws, as they saw kai not only having sex, but with you, their lost friend whom had given her life to previously save them from complicated doom.

bonnie felt borderline disgusted as she watched you shut your eyes and try to bounce yourself on the man’s cock, whilst damon was specifically disappointed. your hands rasped around his shoulders, though their grip tightened as your name was called.

as you turned and saw your friends, it all suddenly made sense. from kai’s behaviour, to his lack of inclination to leave you alone, it was clear that he was hiding you from them and vice versa. “bonnie, damon!” you gasped, unsure of how you were supposed to compose yourself throughout this predicament.

“yes, bon bon, damey.” kai mocked with a roll of his eyes, as he remained still to his own dismay. “could you maybe give us five minutes, we kinda weren’t done here. just let us finish, and- ow!” you slapped the side of his face, scrambling to situate yourself out of his menacing grip.

with downturned eyes, you hastily pulled your clothes back up into place, glaring at the siphon. “you knew didn’t you? you knew that these were my friends and you purposely made sure i was distanced from them!” you growled at kai, your eyes fluttering with disregard for the imprisoned magician.

“well if i had, then you’d be less inclined to spend time with me, and this, would never have happened.” his fingers pried at pointing between the pair of you, amusedly he would say, though you would think otherwise. “welcome to 1903 baby! the world of lies and disgrace.”

“you’re the disgrace, you killed your own family, your younger siblings.” bonnie spoke, and her words made you feel physically sick. “get away from him y/n.” you followed her command, rushing over to her and damon, with shock established in your eyes. you had just fucked a sociopath.

“well, i guess that the jig is up.” he shrugged as he conformed his own clothes to be put in place. the fact that you still felt a rouse to finish what you started made you feel disgusted with yourself, though he deserved to rot here. why did the bad guys always have to be so hot? it just was not fair.

#kai parker smut #kai parker x reader smut #kai parker x reader #kai imagine #kai parker x you #kai Parker x y/n #kai x reader #kai x you #kai x y/n #kai oneshot #kai smut #tvd smut #tvd x y/n #tvd x reader #chris wood x reader #chris wood smut #the vampire diaries x reader #tvd imagines #tvdreader #tvdimagine #tvd imagine #tvd one shot #tvd fanfiction #tvd fic #tvd request #malachai parker x reader #Malachai Parker smut #vampire diaries smut #vampire diaries oneshot #tvd kai x reader

[buckyownsmylife]

Buy a Heart - Steve Rogers Smut

The one where Steve’s your best friend and he grows tired of seeing you stuck with a lousy boyfriend.

Warnings: infidelity, smut, unprotected sex, abusive relationships

Y/N’s P.O.V.

I was woken up from my own thoughts by the sound of laughter, and quickly joined in so I wouldn’t look silly or as if I wasn’t paying attention to what had been said at the party - which was actually the case. It was getting harder and harder to put on the fake smile and pretend everything was okay when I just knew I didn’t love Thomas anymore. But I also couldn’t find the best way to break it all off with him, because the truth was… he scared me. And I hated that it intimidated me, but it did.

Almost as if he could hear my thoughts, his eyes fell on me, and I shuddered, forcing a smile that hopefully read “everything is fine”. He raised a single eyebrow, a clear indication that something bad was going to happen when we left this dinner party, but otherwise kept on the appearances in front of everyone else. He would never create a scene in front of the Avengers, of course.

Just then, my phone beeped, signaling that a message had arrived. It was Steve. Instinctively, I felt the need to raise my gaze and look for his, but I knew that I couldn’t. Thomas had enough insecurities about my best friend already, I didn’t need to add this to the list of reasons why he would yell at me tonight. So I read over the text and returned my gaze to the conversation, pretending it wasn’t anything of interest, waiting for the perfect opportunity to excuse myself.

“I’m going to the toilet,” I had to explain once my boyfriend’s hand trapped my wrist, securing it just a tiny bit tighter than it should. “I’ll be right back.” He pursed his lips, but otherwise let me leave without raising the attention of my friends, who remained blissfully unaware of the tension between him and I. Good. That’s how I wanted it to be. It wouldn’t do me any good to have Earth’s mightiest heroes worried about my well-being.

I moved towards the nearest bathroom instinctively, knowing Steve would already be there, waiting for me. My mind was overtaken by him and only him, that familiar gravitational pull making me reach for the door at the same time he opened it from the inside. Damn supersoldier hearing.

“You wanted to talk to me?” I asked when he had pulled me into the tiny bathroom, made all the more suffocating by his large figure that took pretty much all of the space in the room. But instead of answering, he cradled my face, eyebrows furrowed so deep it made me want to press a thumb between them, make sure they weren’t creating a definitive mark in his perfect skin. His eyes penetrated my very soul, and it was only when I finally allowed mine to meet his, that he let me go.

“When were you going to tell me?” The question made me freeze, Steve’s intimidating figure towering over me. My heartbeat had sped up, making sure that he knew just how I truly felt, but I still had to try.

“What are you talking about?” It was the wrong thing to say and I knew it. I knew it even before his hands curled into fists and he closed his eyes to take a deep breath, clearly trying to control himself. 

It wasn’t that different from what Thomas did whenever he considered I had done something to upset him, but there was a stark contrast between what I felt with my boyfriend and what I felt with my best friend: Steve only ever made me feel safe.

There was no doubt in my mind that whatever anger was coursing through his body wasn’t directed at me at all, just like I knew he would rather die that hurt me. Although my boyfriend had never really laid a finger on me, the fear was always there, omnipresent, looking over me.

“Don’t fuck with me, Y/N. You know what I’m talking about. How come you never told me that he’s abusive towards you?” Hearing those words being uttered by the person I cared the most only made the entire situation feel real. 

“It’s not like that…” I started, incapable of looking him in the eye again, but he held my chin and forced me to meet his gaze, so I could see just how serious he was about this situation. And I felt it. I felt it deep in my bones, and I knew there was no way we would step out of this bathroom to the same environment we had previously left.

“Bullshit.” I flinched, not because I was scared of the cold tone he used, but because I knew he was right. And still, I kept trying to find excuses - I don’t think I wanted to absolve Thomas from the role he had assumed in my life, it was more like I didn’t want Steve to think less of me for allowing myself to get trapped in such a situation.

Steve’s P.O.V.

“It wasn’t, though! He never laid a finger on me, I swear.” It was impossible to contain my scoff, no matter how badly I didn’t want to react in such a way to her words. It was impolite and it was rude and she deserved more, but I couldn’t find any way to reel myself in now that this anger had taken over me. Both of us knew we’d have to let it take its course so we could deal with the aftermath, whatever it may be.

“Y/N, you’re smart. You know that abuse isn’t just physical. You know.” She sighed, eyes closing momentarily to recollect herself, and I felt that itch, that urge that always spiked up whenever she was around, that just begged me to touch her, to feel her warmth under my fingertips in some way. 

Only this time I didn’t try to contain it - telling myself that this is what she needed to find comfort, to find the courage necessary to get this out. So I pulled her to me, wrapping a hand around the back of her neck and holding her head to my chest as the other went to her back, rubbing soothing circles there.

“It’s just… I don’t know how to end it, Steve. I-I hate to admit it, but... I’m scared.” The thought of her being anything near uncomfortable because of an asshole like that boyfriend of hers just made my blood boil. And she noticed, because there was the distinct sound of my teeth grinding as I moved my hands to hold her hips perhaps a little more tightly than I should.

“You shouldn’t be scared of anything. First of all, you’re an amazing agent and I know you can hold your own in any type of situation, much less anything involving an idiot like him. Second, if you feel like you can’t do this, for whatever reason, you know you can always count on us. At least, I hope you know you can always count on me.”

When she looked up at me, nodding enthusiastically while trying to blink away the tears that she didn’t want me to see, I was all at once taken over by the reality of my feelings for her. In that moment, nothing else existed, just me and her and this overwhelming need to make her feel good again, to remind her of how great love can actually feel if you’re with someone who would do anything for you.

So without even considering what I was doing, I cradled one side of her face and started to lean in, my heartbeat picking up as I watched her realize what was going on and close her own eyes in expectation. But before I could fulfill all of those late-night dreams I’d had about me and her, just before I learned what her lips felt like, I felt her hands on my chest, signaling me to stop.

“Steve…” She started, and I closed my own eyes, waiting for a simple no and expecting something even worse, expecting her to run from me and never look my way again, fearing I’d managed to absolutely ruin what I cherished most in the world: our friendship. “Steve, if you do thi- if we do this, I’m not letting you go,” she murmured, and the shock from the unexpected words had my eyes widening abruptly. 

“W-What?” I had to be sure, I had to be 100% sure that she had in fact said what I hoped not to have imagined. Could it be that she wanted me too?

“Don’t kiss me if you don’t mean it,” she urged, and I swear, my heart fucking stopped. How could she even consider that I would ever feel anything less than the most pure and profound love for her?

Y/N’s P.O.V.

Desire flowed through me in such a way it made me tremble. I’d dreamt about this, about having Steve and being his for so long, it was hard to believe he had actually wanted to kissed me. He’d wanted to kiss me, in a cramped bathroom, with my boyfriend a few feet away from us, and I had to know why. I just needed to know if this meant something more than pity or an effort to get me to leave Tom.

My lips were still tingling from the proximity of his when Steve leaned down to finally capture my lips with his, his full body pushing me against the bathroom counter until I could feel every single hard muscle of his pressed tightly against mine.

“Don’t you dare doubt my feelings for you,” he whispered when he allowed me a break to catch my breath, and in the silence that followed his statement, I knew everything in my life would never be the same.

“Kiss me again,” I implored, already pulling him to me by the back of his neck, and he came without any hesitancy. His lips were soft and pillowy and I couldn’t believe I now knew what my best friend tasted like.

It was clear the Steve was trying very hard to control himself and keep his touches as soft as possible, probably fearing that he would hurt me or scare me away, but when in his effort to feel every inch of me he inadvertently pressed his hard cock against my stomach, the strangled sound he released had me deciding I needed to break him then and there.

“Just… One second…” He asked, eyes closed while he tried to calm down his breathing, but I was already reaching for his zipper. At the feeling of my hand rubbing his boner, his eyes snapped open, meeting mine to find out that I was just as desperate for him as he was for me.

“No, don’t stop. I need you, Steve. I need you to remind me what it feels like to be desired again.” Although it wasn’t necessarily my intention, it was clear that even if I did manage to get through to him, it also rekindled a particular aggressive feeling I wasn’t expecting to see at that moment.

“I can’t imagine not desiring you…” he commented, fingers leisurely caressing my face until they curled around my jaw. “But knowing that someone had you and still didn’t seize the opportunity to give you every single thing you’ve ever wanted...”

I gasped when he easily hoisted me on the bathroom counter, my fingers thankfully still able to act towards my intentions even if my mind felt hazy with everything that was going on. While Steve peppered kisses down my neck, I managed to curl my fist around his girth, both of us gasping at the action, albeit for very different reasons. He was probably not expecting me to be able to reach his member without him noticing it - underestimating just how enthralled he’d become by my skin and my reactions - but my delight came from the size of the cock I now held in my hand.

Of course, I’d expected Steve to be big - bigger than most, even. That much was understandable, considering he was, after all, a super soldier. But even in my wildest, dirtiest dreams,  when I’d lay in my bed at night and imagine what it would be like to have him by my side, did I imagine he’d be this big.

“You’re so big,” I ended up exclaiming, against my better judgment, because just as I predicted, Steve stopped nipping on my collarbones to meet my eyes, clouds of worry clear in his.

“We don’t need to do this right now.” The only answer I could give him was to roll my eyes at the stupidity of that statement. He didn’t need to remind me that I didn’t have to do anything I didn’t want to, but to think that I would waste this opportunity was truly ludicrous.

“You underestimate just how badly I want this,” and I squeezed his member so he’d know I was referring to it, and not only to the act that I longed to partake in with him. “I’m not leaving this bathroom until I’ve taken every single inch of you.”

Steve whined from the back of his throat at my words, and a dopey smile certainly took over my face just before he leaned over me to ravish my lips with his mouth. “And here I was, thinking you were an innocent little angel.”

Giggling, I pushed him away just enough so I could jump back on the floor. “I’m certainly nowhere near innocent, but I’ll let you call me angel if you want to.” Each new groan I earned from Steve only served to increase both my desire and my ego, so I dropped to my knees without any other sort of preamble, surprised when his hands covered mine on his member, urging me to look at him.

“What’s wrong? Don’t you want this?” Steve chuckled, thumb running over my bottom lip as I stared up at him with what I was certain to be at least a slight pout. In my fist, his cock throbbed, warm and heavy, begging for my mouth to be wrapped around it. His own hand, still covering mine, squeezed the member, as if reminding me of just how hard he was.

“How could you even ask me that?” Fluttering my eyelashes at him, I sucked his thumb just to add to my already pretty convincing reasoning, enjoying the way his mouth fell open at the feeling of just how warm mine was.

Steve’s P.O.V.

“Then why won’t you let me help?” She whined when she finally released my thumb, and I had to take a deep breath just to remain in full control of my own body. God, how I wished I could fulfill all of my desires at once. Of course, I longed to feel her pretty lips wrapped around my member, but if I closed my eyes and even thought about it, I knew I’d cum on the spot.

“It’s not fair,” I began explaining, reaching out to pull her up by her forearms. “I’ve been dreaming about tasting your pussy for so long, you have no idea.” Her eyes closed with a happy sigh as she felt my breath on her face again. I took advantage of being this close to take her lips on mine once more, but she wouldn’t let me forget about the hard, pressing matter between us, and she kept slowly jerking me off.

“Besides…” I whispered when I needed to pull away from her lips to pant, thanks to her ministrations on my member. “I’m aching for you.” That earned me a mischievous smirk from the woman in my arms. Before I could even question it, she had already turned around, bent over the counter and pulled the skirt of her dress up, exposing her panties-clad pussy to me.

“Just pull it to the side and get in me.” Fuck. This was it, this is how I was going to die. Hypnotized, I reached out to trace her outer lips, easily visible through the ruined cotton thanks to her wetness. It made her moan, holding tighter onto the marble before looking back over her shoulder to watch me as I slowly moved the fabric away.

Bit by bit, I fed her my cock, moving at a snail’s pace mostly because it felt like I’d tear her in two if I decided to abruptly bottom out inside of her. “Was this what you wanted?” I asked, still transfixed by the sight of her pussy so hungrily accepting my cock, especially when I reached around her to stimulate her clit and ease it in.

“Yes.” The way she said it, the wrecked state that was so clear in her voice, had me looking up to meet her eyes and finding her staring back at me with nothing but need. 

“You’re so ready to be ruined, huh?”

“By you. Only if it’s by you.” A shiver went down my spine at the combination of her words and the feeling of my first thrust into her. It felt delicious, so overwhelmingly tight that I automatically thrusted into her again, then again and again.

“Yes,” she moaned again, bracing herself on the counter, and with that last confirmation I started to move frantically in and out of her, desperate to bring her the pleasure she’d been denied for so long. Desperate to possess her in the way I’d always dreamed to do.

It was like nothing I’d imagined. It was a thousand times better, to be this connected to the woman I loved, the woman I’d longed to have for so long. Everything was so intense, heightened even further by the power of the emotions flowing through me, that I felt tears rising to my eyes at the thought of this being it, this being the only time I’d get to have her like this - despite whatever reassurances she tried to give me before we kissed. I needed to hear it again.

“Tell me you want me. I need to hear that you need me just as much as I need you,” I begged, a hand curled over her throat as I pulled her body away from the counter and against my chest. “Promise me this isn’t just a one time thing, that you’re not going to leave this bathroom and go back to him after we’re done.”

This time, when our eyes met, it was through the mirror, and I could see the love in mine reflected back in hers, calming my anxieties instantly. “I want you, Steve,” she confided, and I believed her. Of course I believed her. “I want only you, Steve. You’re all I’ve ever wanted.”

Then I allowed myself to become fully immersed in her, taking in the smell of sex that had flooded the tiny bathroom, the sounds of our animalistic coupling reverberating off the walls.

“You’re so beautiful,” I groaned when I found myself enthralled by the image looking at me from the mirror, her lips open and bruised, indentations from my teeth in them. She looked exactly how I described, ruined, and it was all because of me. “Do you see this? Look at yourself, c’mon.”

The hand that remained around her neck while I pounded her tightened slightly, only enough to startle her into obeying me. “See?” I questioned, eyes meeting hers in the mirror, while my other hand went around her body to play with her clit again. “So damn hot.”

Y/N’s P.O.V.

I could barely recognize the image staring back at me, with her messy hair and glossy eyes, the satisfied look in her face enough to get me even more aroused. Behind me, Steve kept his harsh thrusts while looking at the scene we both created, his hand choking me slightly. 

“How do you think he’d react if he saw just how deeply I’m fucking you?” The question caught me by surprise. For a second, I couldn’t even understand who was the “he” Steve was talking about. It felt like I was his already. Anyone else was merely a secondary character in our story.

His voice was thick as he continued to taunt the man that was still waiting for me outside, the man I’d completely forgotten about ever since Steve kissed me. “How do you think he’d react if he saw just how deeply I’m fucking you? Do you think he’d cry?”

I honestly didn’t know - and didn’t want to think about it. All I knew was that tears were falling down my cheeks from how brutally Steve was ramming me, making me lean away from his chest and brace myself on the counter again. 

I barely had the time to warn him that I was cumming, because as my mouth opened to say something,  my pussy was already milking him for his own orgasm. I felt his spent painting my insides, warming me up, a physical reminder that this entire moment was, in fact, very real.

My eyes caught my reflection and once more I was taken by surprise by the figure that stared back at me. There was absolutely no denying I’d been roughly fucked, and even if the state of my dress or the mess in my hair didn’t give that away, the satisfied expression in my face made it very clear.

I closed my eyes only for a second, trying to calm down my breathing and figure out where to go from here, but almost immediately, Steve’s fingers were tightening around my hips, calling for my attention.

“Don’t fall asleep on me, sweetheart.” His deep chuckle elicited one of my own, but since his cock was still nestled deep inside of me, the reverberations running through my body ended up turning it into a moan. “Fuck, I don’t want to leave this pussy to deal with that one, but I really should.”

My eyes widened as I realized what he was saying. “You… You’d really do that for me?” He was okay with talking to Tom so I wouldn’t have to look at him, fear his reaction as I announced we were done?

I knew it was weak of me, but I was vulnerable at that moment. I needed this support, as cowardice as it may seem. And Steve understood it apparently, if the way he kissed my neck to relax me was any indication.

“I’d do anything for you. Dealing with that man will be more of a personal pleasure… I don’t make any promises about his physical integrity when I’m done with him, though.” I thought back to some hard memories that I’d have to carry with me due to my relationship with Tom, and I found that I was sincerely okay with whatever it was that Steve would do to him.

Seeing Steve prepare to leave me was hard, though. Having him inside of me, having his warm presence left me feeling safe and supported. Knowing I’d have to be without him, at least for a few minutes, made me cold. 

It was like he knew it, because just before leaving, he turned around to look me in the eye and confirmed, “Meet you back in my room?” That had me opening up a smile to him, nodding in excitement. And I couldn’t resist teasing him one last time, hopefully leaving some interesting thoughts to get him back to me as soon as possible.

“I’ll be waiting on all fours.”

#my fics #steve rogers smut #smut #steve rogers #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers reader #steve rogers reader insert #steve rogers reader inserts #steve rogers oneshot #steve rogers oneshots #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers ff

[jamestrmtx]

Wish Upon a Night Sky - [Beastars | Various x Reader]

[Female, Sheep Reader | Slow Burn]

Act Three | Age-old Conflict

[First] | [Previous] | [Next]

"I knew I'd find you here!"

At the sound of that voice -- familiar and friendly -- you look up from your book and form a smile when you recognize the person behind it. 

"Are you busy right now?" Jack asks, sitting in the empty chair next to yours. "I'd like you to meet someone, if you're not too busy!"

You bookmark where you're at, glance up to face his eyes, and catch a glimpse of excitement behind them. Him looking so cheerful as he waits for your response makes it almost impossible not to be persuaded into agreeing right off the bat. Still, you give the offer some thought and take your school schedule into account, against letting your responsibilities pile up right from the beginning.

"Sure," you reply, setting the book aside. "I'm just doing some self-study, at the moment." You furrow your gaze and add, "Who am I meeting, by the way?" While having time was one thing, taking into consideration who you would befriend was another. You look around and frown when you see there's no one present nearby, not only from the risk of you being all alone at a school like this one, but at the curiosity over getting to meet another student -- and potential, eventual friend, hopefully.

Jack calls the person over as a response. 

The one mentioned doesn't take too long to appear, as he shows up by the door frame in less than it takes for you to organize the pile of books on the table; he even manages a sheepish wave when he catches you staring at him, yet he keeps quiet and still after that, in spite of neither of you knowing each other's names.

It's another wolf, though he's nowhere similar to Juno. The only remotely close aspect you can find between them is his height, but even then, it's not the same. If Jack had to crouch a bit to talk to you, the wolf would no doubt have to do that, too -- if not more than that. Jack introduces him as Legoshi, a name you'd often heard slip from Juno's mouth since the past week spent as her roommate. You reciprocate his wave from earlier and direct a quick smile at him, one he returns with a reserved, almost hesitant nature -- completely different from your expectations, given his species.

At the thought of him being the one Juno often rambled on about, you bite back a grin and introduce yourself in return. The image she'd painted you of the wolf is barely needed when you take notice of just how cautious and awkward he is in greeting you. It's like he's not so sure as to how to approach you, and each movement he makes is just as wary as the next. 

When you shake hands with him, you see his gaze wander over to the book and a pile of them left on the table.

His face lights up in recognition, and it doesn't take long before he asks, "Are you the homeschool student from last week?"

You chuckle, let go of his hand, and walk off back to the table to pick up the book, smile growing when you read the title again. "Is it that obvious?" You hold it up in your hands and bite back another laugh. "I'm, well... I'm trying to be less… ignorant -- now that I'm going to be studying at a place like this! Homeschool didn't really teach me stuff beyond math, science, and languages, so I need to make up for that as much as I can." 'Of Wolves and Sheep: A Fundamental Guide to Carnivores, Herbivores, and those in between', reads the book's cover; the sheer irony of your meeting deems you incapable of wiping away your smile. "But, this is probably basic knowledge to everyone here though, huh?"

His eyes glance over the book once more, while his gaze softens as he shakes his head, returning your playful nature. "Not really," he replies, sitting down across from you and Jack when you offer him to. "I'm still learning, too," he adds. "Maybe it looks like everyone here knows about that topic, but... If you know about what happened to one of the students, you'd think differently." A somber expression reaches his face as he huffs and passes a hand against the back of his neck; a more mournful look then glints in his visage -- almost a second after, yet it's shaken off when he continues with, "In the end, it feels more like everyone's just trying their best to understand each other despite everything going on."

You toy with the book in your possession and stay quiet as your mind debates whether or not it would be okay to ask more about the incident. So far, you'd only heard rumours about it, these hard to hold on to with how frail and inconsistent their sources and information were. When you see sadness return to the wolf's gaze, you fight against it. Whatever went on at the drama club with one of its students was clearly still affecting him to this day, so you try not to make him feel worse by adding any unneeded comments to the mix. Whether he knew the person didn't matter; asking anything else would kill the mood entirely.

"I thought you'd wait for me, Legoshi. How rude of you!"

Hearing another voice blend into the calm of the library, you glance back towards the door to see a peafowl standing by it, a smile on his face despite the accusation in his words. He has his arms firmly crossed, faking anger through an equally firm glare. "Were you that desperate to meet the new girl? You disappeared the second we left the drama club!" While part of your questions are fulfilled with the person's entrance, you still don't dare ask Legoshi about the incident. Rather, you keep quiet and greet the peafowl with a wave and a smile -- just like you'd done with the wolf next to you. "You all look so cute together! Should I take a picture?"

You tense up and observe those around you. Embarrassment falls on you when you notice just how popular you seem to be currently, being surrounded by two canines and an avian. Your first few days as a new student appear gone now, and -- to any outsider -- it would come off as if you're the center of attention, with all gazes on you. "It… It's fine!" you reply, words almost stuttered. On instinct, you hide behind your book and try to control the shake of your hands. As kind as the offer is, you're far too jittery to even consider the idea of having your picture taken -- and even less with other people.

Still, you're against being rude, so you add a 'thank you, though' after your words.

"A shy one, aren't you?" he comments, covering a giggle with his hand. "You must be (Y/N), right? Juno wouldn't stop talking about the new girl, and when I heard Legoshi was meeting you today, I just had to join!" He stands by the only empty chair left at your table and extends a hand out to you before sitting down. "My name's Dom. It's nice to meet you!"

Safe to say, his energy is infectious.

You take his hand, palm feeling just as warm as his voice and smile. "Nice to meet you, too." 

Then, you let go and move your gaze back to your book. The pile at the center of the table is the next thing to be the source of attention when Dom comments over it, mischief replacing his previous, friendly tone. He reaches out for the pile, drags it over to his side, and picks the odd one out -- one you'd tried to hide by slipping it in the very middle of the rest. "It seems our new girl already has her eyes on someone here, huh? And here I thought Juno was only teasing you about it!"

To be blunt, he's holding a romance book -- its cover risqué. The image features a forbidden love between a carnivore and a herbivore, and while the publishing year dates back to almost a century ago, it retains plenty of relevance today. At a time when tension between the two sides was still fresh and bleeding, books like these existed, though you didn't exactly want to be found out with it currently. "Is it this guy, perhaps?" Dom asks, pointing at Jack, who straightens his posture as fast as the accusation comes. A hint of red shows on his face, but he tries to hide it by looking elsewhere. "You sure act quick, (Y/N)! I'm impressed."

Not wanting for further assumptions to be made, you suspend yourself over the table, focus on your target, and try to reach out for the book. Too easy to be true, you almost fall over when Dom pulls back, hiding it behind him. "It- It's not like that, really!" you exclaim, words coming out about as flustered as your face likely is now. "I'm just curious about the book -- It reminds me of a fairytale I read when I was little!"

At that, Dom stops evading your attempts at grabbing the book back from him. Interest crosses his gaze and a moment of silence takes over the room, one you're not feeling too confident about. "Oh, really?" he asks, cooing. "Hopeless romantic? Or curious about what your parents never told you?"

You sit back down on your seat and look at your lap, face burning. "A... A bit of both, actually."

The peafowl laughs, a sound honest and bright. When you stare back at him, he's holding out the book, waiting for you to take it. "Lend it to me when you're finished, alright?" he says, winking. "I'm a bit curious myself."

You allow yourself a few minutes for your face to cool down some more and huff out a long, deep breath when you're done. Truth be told, it nearly seems as if you've spent all the energy left in you by agreeing to meet new people, yet you don't exactly dislike the experience. Rather, you smile again when you recover and find your cheeks and chest hurt from how happy you are right now.

Nodding, you take the book and place it under your current read.

Your shoulders tense when you feel everyone's eyes on you, though you push through with an "alright".

[First] | [Previous] | [Next]

#various x reader #legoshi x reader #legosi x reader #haru x reader #jack x reader #juno x reader #rouis x reader #louis x reader #beastars x reader #female reader #sheep reader #slow burn #romance #mystery #thriller #lgbt #lgbt themes #long fic

[eveningstar1516]

Rise of the Demon King ~ Chapter 7

Rise of the Demon King

Fic: Multi Chapter Paring: MC x Everyone (Mostly Lucifer) Type: Angst with a Happy Ending Total Word Count: 26,758 TW: Major Character Death, Reader gets stabbed with a sword through their chest so..., Abusive Parents, Past Child Abuse, Demon Hunters, Loss of Control Summary: You’ve done it. You’ve finally done it. You’ve managed to anger the demon king. Now you hold your head high as he hands down your sentence. AO3 Portal: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27065362

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Previously:

As he walked through the halls towards his next class, he made a vow to himself to try and feel that unfamiliar emotion until he could name it, then keep feeling it, because, for Satan, it felt like Y/N was right next to them, with their signature smile on their face, proud of him for focusing on a feeling opposite of his wrath. Should he start to feel his wrath taking over, he would picture Y/N, holding his hand, encouraging him to feel that unfamiliar emotion. One he soon learned was called ‘Philia Love’.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CHAPTER 7 - Virtue of Loyalty (4265 words)

Our trip to the palace was a quiet one. Michael didn’t seem to want anything to do with me since he flew quite fast and left me behind multiple times as I'd never flown before and flying was extremely difficult. No one offered any assistance so I tucked my wings away, which I managed to figure out how to do after I accidentally did so mid flight, and ran under him. Looking straight ahead after confirming that I was keeping pace with Michael, I spotted the Celestial Palace. My jaw dropped in awe as I ran. The thing was massive! At least 2.5 times the size of Diavolo’s castle and even more decorative. The white walls were adorned with varying shades of golden accents making the palace seem larger than it really was. As I got closer, I learned that it was sitting in the middle of a massive garden that was overflowing with different kinds of celestial plants and trees. Although both the palace and garden seemed to be overflowing with decorations, everything still fit perfectly and was quite pleasing to the eyes.

Approaching the marble steps of the palace as Michael landed in front of me, greeting some gardeners as they stopped and bowed their heads to him. Signalling for them to resume their work, he continued up the steps motioning for me to follow. Taking a deep breath to calm my nerves, I followed him looking as unfazed as possible. Upon entering I found that the outside of the palace does no justice to the massive interior. Abandoning plan to remain as neutral and unfazed as possible, I gazed in absolute awe at the decor, my mouth opening slightly. There were no lighting fixtures as massive windows lined the wall letting in more than enough sunlight through. A massive chandelier was located in the center of the room with golden and silver chains decorating it. The marbled floor also had silver and gold accents as a beautiful floral pattern was outlined. Hearing a chuckle behind me, I turned to see Michael looking at me with a smug smile on his face.

“Well how can you not expect me to be amazed by all this?!” I countered while spinning and gesturing around the room.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“Your smug smile said it all Mike” I flashed him a wicked smirk of my own as I called him by the nickname. His face darkened significantly as his tone dropped to what would have been a dangerous level had I not have spent my life with demons. It just didn’t have the same undertones as Devilish.

“Watch yourself child”

Giving him an exaggerated mock bow I responded.

“My humble apologies Sir Michael. I will be sure not to repeat the same error in the future.”

“Very funny.” He scoffed and walked off. I got up and followed him through the palace until we stopped between two massive golden doors to what I assumed to be the throne room. Michael addressed himself and stated that he brought me with him. 2 angels donning Celestial armour opened the doors. Michael walked in with his head slightly bowed and his gaze lowered. I walked looking straight ahead as I subtly took the room in. It wasn’t as big as I expected it to be. A golden carpet leading from the door to the throne was the most extravagant thing in the room. In contrast to the rest of the palace, the throne room was quite modest. Even the throne wasn’t extravagant, built for comfort instead of elegance. God himself looked to be a 6’8 man in his late fifties with chestnut coloured hair and a neatly trimmed beard. He wore a simple white robe with gold accents. His eyes, a light blue colour, were emitting a slight white glow as we approached. Michael stopped a short distance from the throne and kneeled.

“Father, I have brought Y/N on your orders.”

“Thank you my son.” He turned to look at me.

“Y/N, you have caused quite the commotion in the 3 realms.”

I kept my tone playful as a polite smile made itself home on my face as I spoke with God.

“What can I say Father, trouble likes to follow me, wherever I may be.”

“That may be my child, although I am quite confused as to how you ended up here especially as a seraph. In case you didn’t know, that position must be earned here in heaven, so please explain to me, why I shouldn’t forsake you and have you fall to the Devildom?” He raised his right eyebrow and relaxed into his throne as he asked his question.

“Oh make no mistake, I didn’t want to come here in the first place, had I actually had a choice, I would have gone to the Devildom where I belong. Unfortunately, circumstances never seem to be on my side.”

“That still doesn’t explain how you came to be here, in that attire nonetheless.”

“Does it upset you that I come donning Lucifer's clothing and wings? I assure you, I didn’t have a say in my appearance. I am only staying here as long as necessary after all. I still wish to fall and return to my family.”

“Tell me child, how is it that a human finds comfort in the likes of demons rather than angels?”

“Whoever said I didn’t find comfort in angels? I find Simeon and Luke to be quite comforting whenever I get stressed with this whole 3 realms stuff. I just find the darkness of the Devildom more appealing as you and I both know what lurks underneath this “bright” soul of mine.”

“And yet you came here to me, why?”

“I presume you know the details regarding my untimely end?”

“Yes I am, although you weren’t due to perish yet, I do not dictate the souls within the Devildom realm. What of it?”

“I sacrificed myself for the brothers whom I have grown to call family so that they may continue to live despite being ruled by a tyrant whom you rivel for the title of “Devil””

“Watch what you say child! You are still addressing Father and not some random person off the street!” Ignoring Michael, I continued.

“I do not wish to return to the Devildom while it is ruled by King Abandon.”

“Child, I am aware of your relationship to the brothers as well as your loyalty to those you call family. I am also aware of the feelings you have for my eldest son. I ask you, has anyone told you about his duties while he was serving me?”

“Yes, Simeon and his brothers would speak about his time here as the leader of the council. Lucifer himself preferred not to talk about it but he answered my questions whenever I asked. I have also learned his work habits and often aided him whenever an overflow of work had come in due on a short notice.” God seemed to contemplate something. With a thoughtful look on his face, he addressed me.

“I have a proposition for you. You wish to fall and reunite with your family in the Devildom. I do not wish to have you up here, although you do not want to serve King Abandon.”

“That is correct.”

“I will grant your wish on one condition. I will allow you to return to the Devildom after Abandon’s reign is over, on the condition that you take Samael’s position on the council. You are to take over his responsibilities without attempting to sabotage the realm or abuse your power. Should you not be able to meet my expectations, or should you abuse your position, I will cast you out regardless of who is currently ruling the Devildom.”

Michael, who had stayed silent while his Father was speaking, was shocked by God's proposition.

“Father, are you sure this is the right way to go? Y/N doesn’t even belong here. Are you sure trusting them with Samael’s old position is a good idea?”

“Do you disagree with my judgment Michael? Do you believe me incapable of determining Y/N’s fate in my realm?”

Michaels face visibly paled as he realized the implications of his words. Bowing his head in mortification he answered his Father.

“‘O-of course not Father! I just don’t think that Y/N is qualified or ready to lead the council. They are unaware of how the Celestial realm operates and doesn’t have the experience that Samael possessed.”

Scratching his chin, God thought about Michael's words.

“You’re right Michael, you and the rest of the council as well as Simeon and Luke shall serve as their guide during their time here. You are to teach them how we operate and train them as to how to properly fulfill Samael’s role. You are to step down as the leader of the council once they have learned how to fill in the role themselves.”

Not being able to object to his Father's words, Michael agreed, although he tried to hide it, you could see how he clenched his teeth, obviously disapproving the entire idea and his new role as your babysitter.

“How about it Y/N, will you accept my proposal?”

“I have a few conditions of my own I’d like to add. I will accept on the condition that I return as soon as Diavolo is crowned king, no later and that other than the obvious changes that come with falling, no other changes will be made to me. I will follow your rules while I am up here and will serve you as long as it doesn’t result in any harm coming to the Devildom or Earth and their inhabitants. I will fulfill my role as Lucifer’s replacement during my time here, no more, no less.”

“Of course, that goes without saying. I will also add that you are to have no contact with any being outside my realm during your time here. We wouldn’t want anyone coming up here to retrieve you before our deal has ended now would we?”

“No, we wouldn’t. I accept your proposal to be Lucifer’s replacement until the time comes for Diavolo's crowning. Until then, I shall serve you and the council to the best of my abilities.” I stepped closer and kneeled before him as he sealed the deal.

“Alright then, as you are no doubt aware, each angel on my council represents a virtue. You shall as well. While Humility does not suit you quite right, I shall grant you a new virtue. One that could be considered a sin should it be applied incorrectly. I think you’d like that. Rise Y/N, Virtue of Loyalty.”

I rose to my feet as an invisible force caused my wings and halo to appear. They glowed a light blue as whatever magic God was using to tie me to the Celestial realm ran its course. Once the glowing dimmed down, I tucked my wings back in and bowed my head once more towards the being I now served for the time being and exited the throne room, making my way back to the House of Honors with Michael close behind. As we reached the front door, Michael turned me around. A hard and unforgiving expression on his face. A look of outright hatred in his eyes.

“Listen Y/N, just because Father has accepted you into the Celestial realm, doesn’t mean the rest of us have. You are still an outsider and I frankly do not trust anyone who has spent so much time around demons. I will follow Father’s orders in training you, but know this, Y/N, if I so much as suspect you of doing anything to upset the balance in the Celestial realm, if you hurt any of the angels here, I will take matters into my own hands. I will not allow a being as tainted as you to wreak havoc among the angels. Am I understood?”

Meeting his gaze, a smile made its way to my face as I responded.

“I will hold you to that.”

He took one last hard look at me and walked through the door. Left alone on the steps, I thought to myself, ‘Soon my demons, I’ll be back, soon’. I walked to the gardens and spent the next few hours tending to it until dinner.

In the Devildom. After they lost Y/N

As soon as they got home, Mammon went straight to Y/N’s room. How could he let this happen? He was their first damn it! He should have protected them, he should have stopped Lucifer, he should have done something! He entered Y/N’s room and immediately sat on their bed, made messily in their excitement to meet the king. He held their pillow, hugging to his chest as he started crying. Too lost in his own thoughts, he didn’t hear Asmo following him. Upon entering the room and seeing the state his older brother was in, Asmo put aside his own grievances and sat next to Mammon and embraced him, letting him cry on his shoulder. This reminded Asmo of a time in the Celestial realm. They were playing with Levi in the gardens when Levi tried to show off his tree climbing skills. As he was nearing the top, Mammon noticed the branch Levi was climbing looked ready to snap. He tried to warn Levi but was too late as the branch snapped and Levi fell. Mammon wasn’t fast enough to catch him. Levi ended up dislocating a wing and spraining his right shoulder. Asmo remembered walking by Mammon's room that night and heard quiet sobs, he knocked and opened the door revealing Mammon sitting on his bed, hugging his pillow crying. He sat next to his older brother and hugged him, assuring him that it wasn’t his fault and that Levi would be just fine. Coming out of the memory, Asmo did the same now, hugging Mammon and reassuring him that it wasn’t his fault. He couldn’t have stopped Y/N from giving that order and that everything will be ok.

“Will it be though? It just won’t be the same without them.”

“I know. It will be hard, Y/N was our family, but we’ll be there for each other.”

They slept together, holding each other in Y/N’s bed comforting each other until they fell asleep.

Present

It was an ordinary day for Mammon. He had just gotten back from a modelling gig at Majolish and was thinking up ways to spend the money he just earned. He was thinking of treating himself to a night out as he’d also gotten a math test back that day and passed with a 90%! Just as he was thinking about where to go, he felt the pull of a summoning. Mammon opened his eyes to find himself in an old cold basement. He scanned the room noting that the only lighting provided was a small bulb with a pull down string in the middle of the room and 3 small candles near the summoning circle. He found that the room was practically empty save for a thin mattress in a corner and some stairs leading to a door. He then spotted the one who summoned him, a little girl. She looked to be no older than 5. She was wearing stained and ripped overalls, one of the straps was missing. A light pink t-shirt underneath. Her brown hair was relatively short, only reaching her shoulders and was a tangled mess. Upon looking closer, Mammon noticed that she was covered head to toe in bruises and there were deep scratch marks on her arms and legs. He looked at the hastily drawn circle under him and found out that she drew it with some chalked rocks. She held an old summoning book close to her chest. Her big brown eyes looked so scared, yet if he looked closer, he could see what looked to be hope sparkling in the background. He could tell by looking at her that she held vast magical potential. Whoever put her here obviously knew the same.

“A-are you Mammon?” By Diavolo, she sounded so broken, like if he spoke too loud, she would shatter. Kneeling down to her level, Mammon put a soft smile on his face.

“Yes I am. What’s your name?”

“Cynthia”

“Ok Cynthia, what can I help you with.” Mammon doesn’t know what it was about the little girl, but he found himself genuinely wanting to help her. Maybe it was the way they looked at him with hope. Maybe it was because they were just a kid, or maybe, it was because her eyes reminded him of Y/N’s.

“I want to leave. My parents locked me in here. They don’t care about me. They only use me for their spells. Please Mammon, help me. I’ll give you my soul if you want, just please!” Tears came to her eyes as she pleaded with him to help her. Mammon upon hearing what these sorcerers were doing with their daughter, became enraged. He held his hand out to Cynthia with a smile on his face. He took the book from her hands and put it on the ground next to him.

“No, no, no. I won’t take your soul. It’s alright Cynthia, I’ll help ya. Why did you think I’d need your soul to help you?” “That’s what my parents said. They’ve been using me to try and summon you. I heard them arguing about who’s soul they would give to form a pact. Then they decided that they would give you mine.” Mammon didn’t think he could get madder, but by now, he was seeing red. Not only did her parents lock her up, they used her to try and summon him thinking he’d just accept a child’s soul to form a pact with them! Mammon was beyond angry.

“Don’t worry Cynthia, the Great Mammon will take care of your parents! You’ll be out of here in no time.” Sensing his rage Cynthia grabbed onto his legs before he made it to the stairs.

“No, don’t hurt them!” Mammon looked down at the girl in shock.

“Please don’t hurt them. They may have done all these awful things to me but they’re still my mom and dad! I don’t want you to hurt them, just get me out of here!” Mammon looked at the girl like she’d gone crazy. Her parents, who have locked her up in a basement, used her for spells, hell even tried summoning him in exchange for her own soul, she wanted them alive?! He saw how genuine she was being and he couldn’t find the heart to say no to her. Instead, Mammon knelt down to her level and took her hand. Cynthia looked at him with tears threatening to overflow. Mammon brought his other hand to cup her face, wiping away a stray tear with his thumb.

“Ok Cynthia, I won’t hurt them. I am mad at your parents for doing this to you, but if you don’t want me to hurt them, I won’t.” Mammon then brought Cynthia’s right hand to his mouth and kissed the back of it gently. A yellow seal formed on the back of her right hand and a matching pink one on the palm of Mammon's right.

“Now we have a pact Cynthia. I didn’t take your soul, I took your sadness. Did you know that demons could also take emotions to form a pact?”

“N-no. Does this mean you’ll take me far away from here?”

“Yes, and it also means that you won’t ever feel sad again. I know a nice witch who can take care of you. She will teach you how to use and call me with the pact. This way, whenever you’re in trouble, you will be able to summon me without drawing the circle again and I can come protect ya.”

“O-ok.” Mammon then picked Cynthia up and walked up the stairs, kicking the basement door down he walked through the house towards the front door. Before he reached it though, he heard a scream behind him. He noticed that Cynthia tensed considerably in his arms as he set her down, hiding her behind his legs. He turned around coming face to face with a middle aged couple who he preserved to be Cynthia’s parents. Her mom then yelled at Cynthia.

“Cynthia Maxwell Daemon! You come here right this instant!”

“Shut your mouth lady. She doesn't belong to you anymore.”

“Nonsense! She’s my daughter. She is mine to do with what I want!” Mammon's patience was running out. A scowl appeared on his face as he growled out.

“Listen here lady, I’ve got some choice words for you two that I wouldn’t care to say in front of the girl, but the fact that you thought you could summon me and exchange her soul for a pact with you? You're crazy to think I’d ever accept that kind of pact. Now Cynthia and I are leaving and you ain’t ever using her again!”

Cynthia’s parents then realized who they were talking to and their attitudes immediately changed.

“Please forgive us, Lord Mammon. We hadn’t planned for the girl to summon you. We apologize for the inconvenience the child caused you. If you would stay, we could reimburse you for your troubles.” Cynthia’s father bowed his head as he addressed Mammon. Mammon on the other hand outright laughed at that statement. Turning into his demon form he barked out

“You think her summoning me was an inconvenience?! You two are crazier than I thought! Now listen here and listen closely, neither of you are to come near or look for her. None of you are going to use her again. We are leaving and don’t ever bother trying to summon me again. Ya know, you should thank Cynthia. If she didn’t plead with me not to hurt either of you, you’d both be dead. Make no mistake, if either of you try to summon me or if I find you anywhere near her again, I will rip your hearts out and feed you to Cerberus. Kapeesh?” The dark undertones of Mammon’s voice got through to Cynthia’s parents as their faces paled in fear and they quickly agreed. They begged for his forgiveness and promised not to harm Cynthia again if he could just stay awhile. Not bothering with them anymore, Mammon picked Cynthia up and walked out, flying towards the one witch he’d ever trusted. When he landed, he realized that Cynthia was crying.

“Sorry Cyn, I didn’t scare ya, did I?”

“A-a little, but these aren’t scared tears. I’m happy. Thank you for getting me away from them and for letting them live.”

“Of course. The Great Mammon keeps his promises.” Mammon walked up to the door of the small cottage. He knocked and a young witch with long blond hair, green eyes, and freckles answered the door.

“Mammon what a surprise! What brings you here?” She opened the door gesturing for him to come in.

“Sorry, not today Kelly. I’m actually here for her.” Mammon stepped aside, revealing a scared Cynthia behind him.

“Oh my Diavolo! What happened to you, you poor girl?!” Kelly rushed forward cupping Cynthia’s chin as she inspected her body, taking in all the bruises and cuts.

“Kelly, this is Cynthia. She summoned me to save her from her parents. I was wondering if ya could take care of her. I know ya've always wanted a kid, so…”

“Of course! I could never turn someone in need away, especially a girl as cute as her.” She said while pinching Cynthia’s cheeks. Cynthia giggled in response.

“Ok then, Cynthia, Kelly here’s gonna take care of you. I promise that she won’t act like your mom and she will help you learn how to use both your magic and your pact.” Reaching into his pocket, Mammon pulled out the Grimm he’d earned that day. He then put them into Cynthia’s palm.

“Here ya go kid. Now if you ever visit me, you’ll have some money to spend.” Mammon turned to leave when he felt a tug on his sleeve. He looked down to see Cynthia pulling him down to the ground. He crouched down. Cynthia then kissed his cheek, giving him one of the Grimm he’d given her.

“Thank you Mammon.” She then ran behind Kelly’s legs and waved goodbye with a massive smile on her face.

It’s been a couple years since Mammon saved Cynthia. She’d grown to be a strong and skilful sorcerer. He’d visit her often over the years with something in tow for her. Mammon never spent the Grimm that Cynthia gave back to him on that day. Whenever Mammon had a tough time with the numerous witches he’d find himself in debt with, he’d always find his way to her, and she comforted him, never asking for more than his company, something he was more than happy to give. His brothers would always know whenever he went to see her as he’d always come back with a content smile on his face. Deep down, he wished that Y/N could’ve met Cynthia. They would have made great friends as they were the only 2 people who could make him smile like this. Mammon may not have been able to save Y/N, but he swore that he would protect Cynthia, no matter the cost.

#obey me: one master to rule them all #obey me #obey me x reader #lucifer x reader #obey me lucifer #mammon x reader #obey me mammon #leviathan x reader #obey me leviathan #satan x reader #obey me satan #asmodeus x reader #obey me asmodeus #beelzebub x reader #obey me beelzebub #belphegor x reader #obey me belphegor #obey me demon king #obey me micheal #obey me god #multi chapter fic #ao3 crosspost #OMFIC #MAMMON CAN BE A BIG BRO TOO #HE'S NOT ALL TSUNDERE AND I WILL DIE BY THAT

[potassium-pilot]

Prompt 14: Commend

“Uh…hey there, Haurchefant. You’re not mad, right?”

The Lord Commander told her how it took six knights to wrestle him back to his post, keep him from rushing to her side in the face of Shiva. He certainly looked as though he fought off a small militia, what with the ragged hair and the small bruises on his cheeks.

His arms were folded. A stern look fell over his face. This was not a happy man.

“What were you thinking, Dia?!” he exclaimed. This took her aback. For as long as she’d known him, he’d been quite polite, always using a gentle tone of voice with her. To hear him scold her so was…different, to say the least.

“Wagering your very being on a dubious theory which might allow you to enter Iceheart’s lair- knowing full well that she could have sufficient forewarning to complete her ritual to summon Shiva, anyway…? And then- And then- engaging the abomination in mortal combat?!”

“…Chief, that’s a morning warm-up for me.”

“By the Fury, Dia!” He was in no mood for her cavalier attitude towards her heroic actions. “‘Tis the stuff of ballads! A battle for the ages!” He slammed a fist on his desk and continued, “Would that I could have been there to fight by your side!”

“Haurchefant, you would have been tempered!”

“Yet, here I was, forced to wait- condemned to wonder at the fate of a dear friend for a veritable eternity! I would not wish such torture on my most hated enemy…”

The tension on his shoulders started to release, the fire in his words began to dim, and whatever appearance of civility he could muster returned. He let out a long sigh as if to release the anger through his breath, and said while attempting to sound calm, “…but you are here now, and that is what truly matters…”

“Chief…do you need a hug?”

He shot a devastating glare at her, making Alphinaud leave the room before the tempers would flare. “I’m serious!” she assured, “I wish I could have told you that I was going, but the moment sort of just…came together perfectly. Time was of the essence.” He shook his head. “I know. But truly, no reinforcements, Dia?! None whatsoever?!”

“Unless you have another fighter who can resist tempering, it’s hard to ask that of someone.”

“Ser Aymeric couldn’t even think of a contingency plan, should you have fallen?!”

Dia felt the crease of the missive from him in her pocket. She took it from the Temple Knight, who attempted to read it aloud for her, after pointing out to him, “I can read, you know”, and read it through silently before entering the amphitheatre.

“That’s the Scions’ job.”

“Well, what is their contingency plan should you have been mortally wounded? Is there a batallion of blessed champions that secretly lies in wait in the Rising Stones?” he questioned sarcastically.

“No, there isn’t.”

“Then how do they ensure your safety? Surely, they understand that if you go, so too does the future of the realm.”

She hesitated, feeling incredibly obstinate in the face of his challenges, but was ultimately forced to concede to that one with an “I don’t know.”

“There’s nothing that they do to make sure that the Savior of Eorzea can continue to save Eorzea?”

“There’s nothing they can do, I just go in and do what needs to be done.”

“But why?” he asked incredulously, “What good does it do for anyone to leave you as the only one capable of defeating these monstrosities?”

“I don’t know, Haurchefant! Okay?! I don’t know! But I am the only one, and there’s nothing that can be done to change that!” She reached the end of her rope with an argument that should have ended before it even began when she opened her mouth. It was his turn to express shock, his eyes widened and his eyebrows raised. His usually calm and collected dear friend, quick with a joke and happy to help, has put in place an impenetrable defense. She revealed a crack, however, when she took a breath and admitted, “A break would be nice.”

The two of them took a deep breath together to release the tension at the same time.

“What do you acquire from doing this, my friend?” he asked calmly, carefully tiptoeing about the topic to ensure they don’t fall back into hostility. She kept her cool and answered with a soft smile, “Adventure.” She let out a dharp breath from her nose. “I wish I knew why, but…there was always something about exploration that drew me. I love journeying into the unknown, I love seeking new paths…but sometimes, it’s nice to rest and know my surroundings.”

Haurchefant hummed in a tone that indicated both satisfaction and curiosity. “‘Tis interesting to hear your prerogative, Dia. Many take adventurers to be self-serving, glory-seeking ignoramuses.”

“That’s because a solid majority of them are just that.” She shook her head at the notion. “Glory feels rather hollow when you’ve seen just where it lands you. No, I’m an adventurer because there’s much to see and do…but I think I’ve seen enough for a while.”

He flashed his winning smile and assured, “None deserve respite more than you, my friend. Take heart, and enjoy what you have accomplished for now. I apologize if my venting of my anxieties have dampened your victory.”

She returned the smile and replied, “No, it didn’t. Call me weird, but…there’s something refreshing about someone close reminding me that what I do could kill me. Everyone always seems so sure that I’ll emerge victorious.”

‘Was there every any doubt that the Warrior of Light would succeed’, Alphinaud’s words rang in her head.

“There is never a guarantee in battle. I feel young Alphinaud should learn such a concept if he is to lead men.” Haurchefant shook his head and sat back in his chair. “You are indeed blessed as Hydaelyn’s champion, but you remain mortal, with limits. You have escaped the impossible on more than one occasion, but nothing that you’ve survived was incapable of killing you. I would much rather know that if you were in danger, that someone, preferably myself, would be there to do everything they could to protect you.”

She stared to the floor. “You very much are a knight, Chief. You couldn’t have protected me from Shiva.”

“Perhaps not, but it would be remiss of me not to try.” Haurchefant snapped back into reality when he reminded himself of orders he received. “Ah, Ser Aymeric wished to have words with you and Master Alphinaud in private. He awaits us in the Intercessory.”

“Ughhhh, do I have to?”

Haurchefant replied to her groans with laughter in his voice, “Is there something wrong with the notion?”

“I already had to accompany him back to Camp Dragonhead. If he needed to exchange words with me, he could have done so from Whitebrim, but we barely said a word to each other. We didn’t even look at each other. I don’t get it- I saved his people from a primal. Did I do something wrong here?”

Haurchefant knew exactly why the Lord Commander would do such a thing. A conference with the Warrior of Light was one thing, but a personal interaction? No work or other business to buffer? And with such a stoic hero (or so she pretends to be), seemingly larger than life? The man was probably a puddle.

“Perhaps he just wanted Master Alphinaud there to say these words to as well. Pray, go on ahead without me, Dia. Another matter requires my attention, but I shall join you anon.”

“Fine, but hurry up. I don’t want another awkward silence, especially if Alphinaud tries to harangue him into joining the Alliance again.”

“Halone be good, you must stop him if he tries again.”

“The kid’s tongue has a mind of it’s own, I swear. If he tries, maybe I’ll cast Repose on him.” Haurchefant laughed at what he hoped was a joke as she left the office to see for just what he requested privacy.

*************

Would Minfilia yell at me if I kicked Alphinaud in the head, Dia thought. For whatever genius he proclaims to be blessed with, subtlety consistently managed to escape his grasp. That in mind, she was more than a little relieved to understand fully the intention of their dealmakers. All they hid was a desire to keep the Garleans away, a desire she shared personally.

With that done, she followed the young Brave’s Commander out of the intercessory.

“Er, Dia, if I may have a moment…”

Or she would have, had Ser Aymeric not stopped her from doing so.

“I have no idea if there will ever be enough thanks for what you’ve done, but… I would like once more to say it: Thank you, Dia. Your risk was unimaginable, and that you were so willing to do it for a country you barely know… it’s astounding. While we owe the Scions much, to whom we’ll begin to repay by delivering supplies to Revenant’s Toll, I would also like to find some way to repay you personally. Mere words feel insufficient.”

Dia felt unsure what to make of the Lord Commander, but she appreciated the thought.

“Don’t worry about it”, she replied with a soft smile. She nodded to him and turned around to finally return to Revenant’s Toll.

Once she was out of the building, she retrieved the missive from her pocket, and re-read it once more to herself.

Inside the intercessory, Aymeric turned to Haurchefant with a question in mind that the lord of Camp Dragonhead could read with ease with the expression he wore on his face.

“Haurchefant, you’ve grown rather close with her, have you not?”

“As one should expect with one’s dear friends, yes. Why do you ask?” Haurchefant attempted to bury any hint of amusement.

“Have I insulted her? Has she said anything to you?”

He failed to hide it and released a closed-mouth chuckle.

“Ser Aymeric, she asked the same of you!”

His eyes widened in mortification, and his jaw dropped slightly. That he should be perceived as being insulted by someone like her, as if he had the nerve, felt unsettling.

“I…”

“She mentioned the return trip to Camp Dragonhead was… not the most pleasant of exchanges, to put it nicely. Now, Dia tends to do more than say, so it can be hard to interact; I cannot fault you for struggling to communicate. She does take some time to warm up, but with all due respect, Ser Aymeric, you must offer the hearth. I did so, and now, I couldn’t ask for a better friend and ally. You might find the same results, and clear up any misunderstandings, an important step if you truly wish to express personal gratitude.”

Aymeric kept his gaze to the floor. “Thank you for your candor, Haurchefant.” Soon after, he turned and exited the Intercessory alongside Lucia.

Haurchefant stayed behind to think. Perhaps it would be best to refrain from further intercession; ‘tis so amusing to watch Aymeric like this, he mused.

#ffxivwrite2021 #ffxivwrite #ffxiv #haurchefant greystone #female wol #aymeric de borel #fanfiction #two of my three favorite ishgardians #anyways in this canon they’re besties

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers VANDEAD CARNIVAL ;; Kou Route ー Chapter 3

ー The scene starts in cafe Tarte Tatin

Kou: I’m pretty sure it should be around heー ...Ah, there it is!

Yui: You’re right. There’s a cafe here.

Kou: Ah, that table over there is free. Here, this is your seat.

Yui: Yeah!

I wonder what kind of drinks they sell at a cafe in the Demon World?

Kou: Stop! Hold on one second.

Yui: What’s wrong?

Kou: Could you leave our order up to me, perhaps?

Yui: You’ll choose for me?

Kou: Yeah, my picks! Okay?

Yui: I’m happy but...I’d feel bad for just waiting, so I don’t mind going with you?

Kou: It’s fine, don’t worry! This is the man’s task, don’t you think? We’re on a date after all~

I’ll go buy our drinks so you just wait here, okay?

Yui: Yeah...!

ー Kou walks away

Yui: ( I wonder what kind of drinks Kou-kun will bring. I’m a little excited... )

Male Vampire A: Hey, have you heard? Apparently this place’s juice has a little special gimmick. 

Female Vampire A: How so?

Male Vampire A: Ever so often, someone will hit ‘jackpot’ (1), suddenly growing a pair of animal ears as they’re enjoying their drink.

Female Vampire A: Eeh, amazing! I can’t wait~!

Yui: ( ...Actually, I might be a little worried after all. )

*TIMESKIP*

ー Kou returns

Kou: Sorry for the wait, M-neko-chan~!

Yui: Welcome back, Kou-kun.

Kou: I bought our drinks. Here, this is yours.

Yui: Thank you.

( I was somewhat concerned but...It looks normal from the outside. )

( However, I feel like it’s a little much? The glass is big too... )

Wait...Hold up...? Say, Kou-kun? Where’s yours?

Kou: I obviously got something for me too. See, right there.

Yui: There?

( As far as I can tell, there’s just this one drink for me though... )

Kou: Fufufu~ ...I can tell you’re confused by that look on your face.

I suppose that even you’ll be able to figure it out once you see this? Ta-dah! Now what could this be~?

Yui: What? ...A straw, right?

Kou: Yes, correct! Now, question time! What shape is it?

Yui: ...A heart?

Kou: Exactly! Two straws are tangled together, forming a heart shape.

No matter how dense you may be, I’m sure you understand now?

Yui: Don’t tell me, you want to share this juice amongst the two of us...!? 

Kou: You’re 100% correct! Why not? It seems fun!

Yui: W-Wait! That’s just too embarrassing!

Kou: Eeh? How strange for you to say that. We usually do much more shameful things, don’t you think?

Well, I’m usually the one initiating it~

ー Kou moves closer

Kou: Come on, let’s drink it together?

Yui: Uu...K-Kou-kun, you’re close...!

Kou: I approached on purpose. I mean, if I don’t do this, you avert your gaze right away.

For some reason, I can’t seem to figure out what you’re thinking even by staring at you like this...

However, even if I couldn’t see a thing, I feel as if I would still feel happy just from gazing into your eyes.

Yui: Kou-kun...

Kou: ...That being said, you’ll drink it with me, right? Yui.

Yui: ( ...No fair...! )

Kou: Ah, are you dissatisfied with the straw, perhaps? Would you rather have me feed you mouth-to-mouth?

Yui: No...!

Kou: Fufu, you should have told me sooner then~

I don’t mind. In that case, I’ll directlyーー

Yui: Wait, Kou-kun! Fine! I’ll drink it with the straw!

Kou: No need to be modest~ This straw is embarrassing for you, right?

Yui: It’s totally fine!

( Mouth-to-mouth would be much more embarrassing after all...! )

Kou: Fufu~ I figured you’d say that.

Personally, I would have gladly fed you mouth-to-mouth as well, of course.

Here. You take that side, okay?

Yui: ( It’s embarrassing but...I guess I have no other choice but to make up my resolve. )

( I-It really is embarrassing...!! Kou-kun’s face is so close... )

Kou: ...Fufu~ Say, M-neko-chan? Are you flustered?

Selection

→  A little...  (☾)

Yui: A little...

Kou: Why? Because it’s too cliched? Or because...I’m close to you?

Yui: ...B-Both, I guess...

Kou: Fufu, it’s because you’re way too conscious of your surroundings. If you simply focus on the guy in front of you...See? It’s no longer embarrassing, right?

Yui: ( No way...It’s only even more embarrassing...! )

→ Not at all! 

Yui: N-Not at all...!

Kou: Heeh, really~? You’ve grown then.

In that case, I guess this just won’t satisfy you anymore? Let me feed it to you mouth-to-mouth after all.

Yui: Wait, that’s...!

Kou: I’m sure it’d be child’s play considering how much you’ve grown? Come on...Move your face a little closer?

Yui: ...No, Kou-kun! I can’t...!

Kou: Fufu, I figured so. It’s because you tried to act tough when you really aren’t, M-neko-chan~

Kou: Geezー You really always stay so innocent.

In that case, I might as well just make your mind go blank...

Yui: Eh? Wait, Kou-kun...!

Vampire child A: Waitー!

Vampire child B: Ahahaha! In your dreams!

Kou: ...What’s this ruckuーー

*THUD*

Yui: Wah...!

ー The drink gets pushed over

*Splash*

Yui: ...! The juice...!

Vampire child A: Ah...

Kou: Ah-aah...All of it spilled on the floor.

...Say, you kids over there? Do you have a minute?

Vampire child A: Shoot! Run, everyone!

Kou: Ah! Hey!!

Vampire child B: Sorry!! Please forgive us since it’s the Carnival!!

ー The kids run away

Kou: Those little brats...!

Yui: Calm down, Kou-kun. They’re just children, you don’t need to get so upset...

Kou: You can’t spoil them! Those who waste food deserve a divine punishment!!

ー Kou runs after them

Yui: Kou-kun!?

Kou: M-neko-chan was finally in the mood to drink it as well! You scoundrels! 

Vampire child A: We already said sorry, didn’t we!?

Yui: ...They left...

( Could it be...Does Kou-kun usually get scolded by Ruki-kun for wasting good food...? )

( Either way, I should clean up the glass... )

ー A young Kou walks up to Yui

Yui: ーー Eh...?

( A child...? How long has he been standing there? I didn’t notice him at all. )

( Could he be a friend of those kids from earlier? However, he seems a little different... )

???: ...

Yui: Uhm...What’s wrong?

???: ...

Yui: Are you lost, perhaps? Did you get separated from someone?

???: ...

Yui: ( This is tricky. He won’t respond at all. )

( If I leave the cafe, I might get separated from Kou-kun but...I just can’t leave this child be. )

( Besides, this little one sort of reminds me of Kou-kun... )

Say, would you mind telling me your name?

???: ...

...Kou.

Yui: Eh...?

( Did he just say ‘Kou’...? )

ー The young Kou runs away

Yui: Ah...Wait!!

( I want to chase after him but...If I leave, then I’ll... )

... 

( I’m sorry, Kou-kun! I’ll return straight awayーー! )

ー Yui runs after him as the scene shifts to a side street

Yui: ( I’m pretty sure he ran into this direction... )

( ...! There he is...! )

Kou: ...

Yui: ...Kou-kun?

Kou: ...

Yui: Uhm...I’m sorry if this sounds weird but...

Are you...The same Kou-kun I know?

Kou: ...I am.

I am the Kou you know. However...From the past.

Yui: From the past...?

Kou: Exactly. Way, waaay before he met you.

Unlike the guy you know...I’m Kou during the time he was misfortunate.

Yui: ( ...The look in his eyes...Almost as if he is bearing a grudge of some sorts... )

ー Yui has a dizzy spell

Yui: ...!? 

( I’m suddenly growing dizzy... )

ー She collapses

*Thud*

Kou: ...

Yui: ( My mind’s going blank... )

Kou: ...Say, Yui?

Yui: ( Ah...Kou-kun’s holding my arm... )

Kou: Let me...suck your blood.

Yui: ...Eh...?

Kou: I’m not a Vampire yet at this time. However...That doesn’t matter.

I’m envious of him...So I want to do the same thing he does.

Yui: Him...?

Kou: Yes, him. ...My grown-up self.

It’s no fair he gets to have everything. Meanwhile I’m still incapable of even trusting someone...

The feeling of wanting to trust others...

Yui: ...!

( No way...He’s biting my arm...!? )

S-Stop...! ...Kou-kun...!

Kou: Yui!!

ー Kou runs up to her

Kou: I finally found you...!

Yui: Kou-kun...?

( I’m slowly regaining my focus... )

( Huh...? The small Kou-kun is gone... )

Kou: Why are you crouched down like that? Do you feel sick, perhaps?

Yui: No...I’m fine. I’m sorry for making you worry.

Kou: For real! You weren’t there when I returned to the cafe...So I looked all over for you.

Yui: Sorry...

Kou: Say, are you really okay? Your complexion is pale. Did something happen?

Yui: Well...

( I doubt he’ll believe me...If I tell him I met up with his childhood self. I barely even believe it myself, to be honest. )

( It might have been just a hallucination. However, the sensation of being bitten felt too real for that... )

Kou: ...Wait.

Yui: Eh?

Kou: That wound on your arm...A bite mark?

Yui: Ah...This is...

Kou: It’s a bite mark, isn’t it? I can’t imagine what else it’d be.

Hah...For real? I take my eyes off you for one second and you’ve had your blood sucked?

Yui: W-Wait, Kou-kun! You’re wrong, this is...

Kou: How am I wrong!? Someone sucked your blood, no!?

...Say, who was it? You happened to run into one of those Sakamaki’s and that’s how it happened? Did you let them because you went with the mood of the festival?

Or was it just a random Vampire passing by? You really are a cat in heat.

Yui: Please, Kou-kun! Listen to me!

Kou: Shut up!

Yui: ...

Kou: ...That shop owner was right back then. You’re keeping secrets from me.

You tempt me with sweet words about ‘picking me’ or ‘loving me’ but you deceived me, didn’t you?

Yui: ...! I didn’t!

Kou: If the only thing you’re looking for is a good-looking Vampire and a pair of fangs to please you...

Could you try asking someone else? There’s plenty of them out there, right? In your close vicinity.

I’m sorry, but I don’t want to be that guy. I...can’t stand that sort of thing.

Yui: ( The look in his eyes...It’s the same as that child from earlier... )

Wait, Kou-kun...!

Kou: ...I won’t wait. I mean, you’re fine with someone other than me too, right?

...See you.

ー Kou walks away

Yui: Kou-kun...!

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

Translation notes

(1) 当たり or ‘atari’ is the term used for a winning lot in lotteries, lucky draws, etc. 

← RETURN TO CHAPTER 2

→ PROCEED WITH MAIN STORY [CHAPTER 4]

→ SUB-SCENARIO #1 [W/ REIJI]

→ SUB-SCENARIO #2 [W/ KANATO]

→ SUB-SCENARIO #3 [W/ RUKI]

#diabolik lovers #dialovers #kou mukami #vandead carnival #diabolik lovers translation #vckouchapter3

[glbertblyth]

AN: It’s been a long time shirbert fans... anybody still up for some fake-dating shenanigans? 

It was raining by the time Diana arrived—the sort of rainfall Anne might have basked in and even written a poem or two about if she’d had a mind for it. Instead, with Gilbert’s short visit still fresh in her mind, it only exacerbated her horrible mood.

Once out the door (slammed behind her, much to Marilla’s great woe), Anne threw her denim jacket overhead to avoid the inevitable ruination of the pretty outfit she’d decided on that day. The walk to the back door of her friend’s car was all it took to dampen her hair and muddy up her beloved white hightops. She didn’t even want to begin to imagine what the state of her hair might be once dry again. The half hour she’d spent on taming the wild red lockes surely going down the drain with every squelching step she took. She shuddered to picture the disobedient strands frizzing and curling annoyingly around her shoulders.

“Anne!” was the first thing she heard when she opened the car door, her hands cold and clammy from grasping the freezing handle.  

It was Diana who had exclaimed it, smiling brightly from her spot in the driver’s seat. At its most brilliant sight, Anne’s sour mood nearly melted away - she did so love Diana’s smiles. So for a fleeting moment it was as if it were summer again and they were having one of their lovely days of sloth, with the sun vibrant on their skin as they lay in the fields behind Diana’s house watching the clouds slowly drift across the sky. No school to worry about or boys to try and decipher.

Then thunder rumbled and she was brought back to the present. Sitting wetly in the backseat of Diana’s car next to Jane and catching the very last few syllables of words mumbled from the front.

The brunette beside Anne reached across the gap in the seats to pinch Ruby, who squeaked indignantly.

“We brought coffee,” Diana went on, pulling out onto the road. The higher octave of her voice gave way to the obvious—she was being purposely breezy. Acting as if Anne hadn’t just opened the door and interrupted a conversation in which they had most definitely been talking about her. “I had them put an extra shot in yours because I know that’s the way you like it. Ruby? The coffee?”

Ruby rolled her eyes as she passed the drink to Anne. But she didn’t turn back around when it was in the red-head’s grasp, instead hovering there with an oddly expectant look on her face. A look, Anne realized, that was present on the other girl’s faces as well. Even Diana, big brown eyes wide like a doe’s in the rearview mirror.

“What?” she asked, pausing with her mouth halfway to the straw of her coffee and glancing around awkwardly.

When the only response was the low and torrid voice of Harry Styles drifting through the stereo and a raise of Jane’s eyebrows, Anne’s lips thinned in realization. The very word she had interrupted when she’d opened the door hadn’t been a word at all. It had been a name. Gilbert’s name.

Anne flopped her head back onto the cushioned seat, “Oh god,” she bemoaned. Could she not escape it for five minutes? Not even amongst her most beloved kindred spirits?

But there was nowhere to hide. Not with the three sets of eyes watching her so curiously. Waiting for her to give an explanation that she surely did not have. She was beginning to grow tired of Avonlea’s uncanny ability to spread gossip like wildfire.

“Watch the road,” Anne snapped at her best friend,  “or you’ll kill us all.”

Diana gasped and averted her gaze, focusing instead on navigating the road through the pelting rain.

“You can’t deny it happened,” Jane said matter-of-factly. “It’s all over everything.” Then she whipped out her phone, pulling up twitter as a way to prove her point.

“Don’t believe everything you read.” Anne snapped at her.

“So you’re saying it’s just a made up rumor?” asked Ruby, almost hopefully—because while Anne had despised Gilbert since the time she’d first laid eyes on him, Ruby had simply adored him. While Anne would spend every single valuable and precious minute of her English classes poking holes in Gilbert’s foolish arguments, Ruby was sitting not two seats away, mooning. It was exasperating.

“I’m just saying,” Anne folded her arms defensively across her chest, “there was a lot more to it than that.”

“So it happened?!” Ruby exclaimed, with such force she knocked her binder into Diana’s lap and almost spilled both of their drinks.

“Ruby!”

“Well I’m sorry but—this is—you can’t just act like this isn’t a big deal, Anne! He’s Gilbert! ”

“I’m well aware of who he is.”

“You hate him!”

Anne bit the inside of her cheek. Of course she hated him. Of course. But it’s not as if she could tell the truth: that she had used Gilbert as a mere line of defense against dearest Diana’s cousin—her very own flesh and blood. Though how that was possible was beyond Anne considering he was so insufferably annoying, whereas Diana was so sweet and kind and considerate. She never would have pushed anyone the way that Roy had Anne. She never would have refused to take ‘no’ for an answer, never would have imposed so thoroughly on Anne’s personal space that she felt as if suddenly all of the oxygen in the world had run out except what was left in her lungs.

Hell, even Gilbert had taken Anne’s ‘no’ at face value. He had nodded and left, much to her great relief. And how terrible a concept to consider: Marilla inviting him to stay for breakfast! What would she have done then?

“Anne,” Jane poked her cheek. “You’ve got some serious explaining to do.”

Like hell she did. Maybe the decision to kiss Gilbert had been rash, but she wouldn’t have done it had she not felt as though she’d been forced into a corner. And while she did hate Gilbert’s guts, the mere aspect of her kissing him shouldn’t have been ground breaking news. He’d been there. She’d used him as a shield. That was it.

Even if the memory of his lips moving fervently against her own had haunted her dreams all night, it was nobody else's business. After all, he’d technically been her first real kiss. And even if she did think him an insufferable pompous ass, she wasn’t entirely incapable of admitting that he was a rather good-looking boy. She wasn’t blind for chrissake.

But even so, she had absolutely no intention of that little tidbit of information ever leaving the confines of her own mind. Nobody needed to know that she found Gilbert Blythe attractive. Or that she may have very mildly delighted in the fact that he’d been so quick to kiss her back. Or—or that she’d felt a bit of a thrill when she’d seen him again that very morning; a thrill that may or may not have caused her to even entertain the plan that he’d so eloquently presented to her.

The severity of the realization jolted her. Rose her blood levels to an alarming height. Had she just admitted to anticipating Gilbert’s presence?

“I don’t have to explain myself to any of you!” Anne exploded. Though she couldn’t tell if her anger was directed at her friends, at herself, or at the mere prospect of having anything but ill feelings toward her long time rival.  “What I do with my life is nobody’s business but my own! I don’t intrude on your private lives like this.”

Ruby shrunk back, but Jane wasn’t deterred. Everyone knew Anne had a terrible temper sometimes. When she yelled it was usually because she felt like she’d been backed into a corner and couldn’t see an escape besides pushing everyone else away.

“Sorry, Anne, but I’m your friend. Friends talk about this stuff. They don’t keep secrets.”

“It’s not a secret.” Anne grumbled. But she knew it was a weak argument. That her friend was right and that she had absolutely no excuse as to why she should keep the truth from them.

Because you’re actually considering Gilbert’s offer, a vexing voice said in her head,  And telling them you only did it as a way to escape Royal would ruin it. The voice only annoyed her more despite its truth.

Anne took a sip of her coffee with far more enthusiasm than necessary. Any excuse to avoid talking on the subject further. Avoid meeting the tense stares of her friends.

“I don’t see why it would be such a big deal that you kissed him anyway. Half of our grade has been expecting you two to jump each other’s bones for years.” Jane shrugged nonchalantly.

Anne felt the large gulp lodge in her throat as she choked out a cough, “What?”  

Ruby craned her neck around to face her, baby blue eyes wide and vulnerable. Diana released a quiet titter of laughter but didn’t take her eyes off the road.

Traitor.

Jane rolled her eyes exasperatedly, briefly meeting the hurt look of their sensitive friend,  “Oh give up, Ruby. He’s known you his whole life and hasn’t made an attempt at you,” When Ruby faced the front again, lower lip jutted out in a pout, her dark gaze swiveled back to Anne’s, “ You , however, caught his attention from the moment you arrived.”

Anne flared her nostrils indignantly, “Not true.”

The girl next to her threw her hands up in frustration, “It is too!”

“Is not.”

“What are we, five?” Jane quipped. And then her face turned smug, “Besides, you guys did end up kissing, didn’t you?”

Jesus, it was a good thing they’d barely missed seeing Gilbert at green gables. Anne hated to think how insufferable her friends might have been had they known he’d stopped by that morning.

She let out a dramatic huff, placing her coffee in the cupholder between them and then crossing her arms to her chest. “Do you just believe everything that Josie Pye posts?”

Jane opened her mouth to retort, but before she could, Ruby turned around in her seat again, “We don’t have to. You’ve been evasive enough to answer the question on if you kissed him or not for us.” She said with an adorable scrunch to her eyebrows. It was obvious she was stung but didn’t want to be left out of the conversation.

A loud clap of thunder sounded outside of the car, mirroring Anne’s emotions perfectly. Oh, how she wished she were a storm cloud sometimes. Floating above it all, no care in the world. No expectations except for that of releasing their torrential rage on unsuspecting passers-by. Perhaps if that were her, she wouldn’t have gotten herself in such a messy situation.

She watched as the windshield wipers slapped at the front window, avoiding looking her friends in their eyes. “How far are we from the school?” she grumbled. Though it was certainly going to be a tough task in it’s own, it would be better than sitting under the excruciating scrutiny of the three girls she was trapped in the small car with.

Diana cleared her throat. “Just another block,” she said.

“If you want me to make sure Josie stays off your back today, I need to have the details.” Jane stated simply.

Anne ground her teeth at the annoying tenacity of her friend.  “There aren’t any.”

“There aren’t any? ”

“That’s what I said.”

“How could there possibly not be—“

“Jane!” Anne snapped, teeth gnashing out like that of a caged dog’s, “Just drop it!”

There was a stunned silence for a moment as Jane snapped her mouth shut. No other sound but the constant pattering of the rain against the windows and the quiet hum of the radio. In the rearview mirror, Diana exchanged a sympathetic look with Anne.

“Fine,” Jane said finally, a cool resolve in her brown eyes, “But just because you hate Gilbert doesn’t mean everyone else does. If I can’t get the answer from you, I’ll just ask him.”

Anne stiffened—every muscle in her body pulling taut as she fought the urge to strike out with her constant weapon of choice: words.

Gilbert wouldn’t sell her out… would he? Not when he himself was riding on the possibility of a public relationship saving face.

God, would pretending to date him actually work? Could they even do it? Could she do it? Certainly he’d do something to piss her off. Something that would cause her to lash out and make it obvious that they were not, and would never actually be, in a relationship.

The thoughts tormented her as Diana pulled the car into the student parking lot. As she parked in her normal spot near the entrance. As she turned off the engine and they were swallowed by the sound of the falling rain. How fitting to see that Mother Nature bore such a pitiful mood—gray clouds swirling in the sky the very same way Anne’s feelings were swirling in her head.

As her friends giggled amongst themselves—already having moved on to the next subject of interest and opening their car doors—she took a shaking deep breath. Steeling herself against whatever the day might throw at her and clambering out of the car into sheets of cold rain.  

+++

When the lunch bell rang, releasing students from their third period classes, Anne’s relief was as palpable as a cool wave crashing against a hot sandy shore. She gathered her things hastily—stuffing them into her bag and barely zipping it back up before hurrying from her calculus class and out into the crowded hallway.

She had very little want of being left in the classroom with a certain tall, dark, and tousled boy. And since that was how things normally went—since Anne and Gilbert were usually the last two left in the classroom, quickly scrawling the last of their work out on the worksheets before them—her rush to leave the confines of the classroom wasn’t without warrant.

Not for the first time since being acquainted with Gilbert Blythe, Anne cursed the fact that they shared a fair amount of classes. (Or unfair if you’d asked her.) But this day… This day had taken her dislike to an entirely different level.

Or maybe dislike wasn’t the correct word for the churning she felt in her stomach every time she’d caught a glimpse of his disheveled dark curls across the room. Maybe awkwardness was the proper noun with which to describe the tension she felt pulled taut between them. If she could even assume it was a reciprocated tension in the first place, that is. She certainly felt it—choking the air around her like a thick and unwanted layer of dust. But… Gilbert hadn’t necessarily shown any discomfort at the sight of her. He’d backed off on making his usual snide comments or witty remarks, yes, but she wasn’t positive that it was because he was playing an angle or if he genuinely thought it better to leave her alone.  

Nevertheless, it made Anne’s gut twist uncomfortably. And because the whole school seemed to already know what had transpired the previous afternoon, she loathed to even look in his direction let alone exchange their usual haughty comments. She had, in not so many words, been avoiding him for the entirety of the school day—ducking out of shared classes with all the speed of a bulleting train and keeping her line of vision pinned straight ahead even when she felt his warm honey gaze settle on the side of her face.

This, of course, did not escape the notice of her ever so nosy classmates. In fact, the fervent silence between the two known rivals after such an unexpected public display of affection had only caused an even deeper upset among her peers. Anne liked to think she had learned to never underestimate the might of a small town’s grape vine, but she certainly hadn’t expected such… such backlash from one simple spontaneous moment in time.

To walk through the hallways of her familiar high school and notice the boisterous noise of groups dwindle around her felt much like her early days in Avonlea—except this time, instead of having smacked the town’s golden boy with a heavy textbook, she’d kissed him. And apparently that warranted an even more uproarious reaction.

Anne pushed through the crowd of students and scrambled to her locker—head down in an attempt to ignore the whispers around her. She’d thought that, after three and a half years, she had moved past the days of being an outcast; past the days of being a subject of interest on nearly every one of her classmate’s tongues.

Apparently she’d been wrong. All this time they’d only been hiding in the shadows, waiting for the precise moment she did anything out of the ordinary, so that they could pounce.

As she exchanged binders and textbooks with what had been stacked neatly in her locker, she was so thoroughly enveloped in her own vortex of thoughts that she hadn’t noticed the tall and skinny figure approach her.

“Anne,” the figure said. And despite the familiar trill of the voice, she startled, nearly slamming her fingers in the locker as she’d closed it.

“Dammit, Cole,” she hissed, but there was a smile beneath it.

She turned to her friend, a feeling of ease settling on her shoulders as it always had around Cole Mackenzie. He was leaning against the lockers with his hands wrung loosely around the straps of his backpack and his familiar blue eyes were warm with affection. After a moment, Anne realized there was a dark smudge just under his right eye—more than likely a result of wiping at his face after working with charcoal or graphite. A quick glance at his smeared hands confirmed just as much.

“You’ve got art on your face,” she said, gesturing at her own as a way to show him.

He released a breathy laugh before using the sleeve of his shirt to wipe it off. “Sorry I wasn’t able to get here sooner, I got caught up in class.”

Anne snorted despite herself. “Sure you did,” she said. “Keep acting like you weren’t flirting with that new exchange student.” She twisted her mouth into a feigned look of utter despair, “You left me to the wolves.”

Cole laughed as she schooled her features back to their normal, friendly state and swung her bag around her shoulder. She entwined her hand with his as they made their way in the direction of the cafeteria.

He fixed her with a faux imperious look. “I was only showing Gabriel the precise way of shading. Charcoal is a difficult medium to work with.”

“Don’t tell me,” Anne lowered her voice, acting as though what she was about to say was an absolute scandal, “You stood behind him and guided his hand with your own, heart pounding against his back as he leaned into you.” She caught at her chest with her free hand, “Oh, how romantic! ” she squealed, much louder than she’d meant to. A few students looked in their direction.

An exasperated laugh burst from her friend’s lips and he squeezed her hand lightly. “Not so loud, Anne.”

She shrugged. “People are gay, Cole. They can get over it.”

Cole wasn’t necessarily closeted. It was a pretty well-known fact within their friend group that he was very much homosexual—you have one conversation with him and he just couldn’t hold back his flamboyancy— but the world was still filled with small-minded bigots. And in a small town like the one they lived in, it was easier just to keep the knowledge of his sexual preference to a minimum.

“I suppose this means our vow to marry one another is broken,” she continued forlornly. It was a joking promise they’d made to one another when they were fifteen and certain they’d be deemed outcasts forever—no one but each other to lean on.

Of course, she’d had Diana. Beautiful Diana. But there were many things Anne experienced that her beloved best friend just couldn’t understand. Diana was popular, beautiful, a glittering star among the backdrop of the night sky—something with which Anne found little to no relatability being the scrawny ostracized girl that she was. But Cole’s friendship allowed a quiet solace; a person who knew what it was like to feel unwanted and unpopular.

Cole snorted. “You broke it first,” he said, “What do Gilbert Blythe’s lips feel like?”

Anne nearly tripped over her own two feet, having briefly forgotten the mess she’d gotten herself into. She snapped her head to look at the tall boy beside her and fixed him with a desperate glare. The look on his face was nonchalant, but she knew he was dying with curiosity.

“Why’d you have to bring that up?” she said, unable to help the whiny tone that had weaved itself into her words.

Cole clucked his tongue. “You left me on read last night. You deserve it.”

“I think I’ve gotten punishment enough,” she replied, a frown twisting at her lips. “It’s all anybody can talk about when they see me.”

He looked at her. “Anne. You kissed Gilbert Blythe . ”

“Yes, I know what I did.”

“Gilbert. Blythe.”

Anne unlatched her hand from Cole’s and threw her arms up exasperatedly. “Can people stop saying his name as if I don’t know who he is!?”

They turned down a slightly less crowded hallway, taking a shortcut they’d found halfway through their freshman year. “Can you stop brushing it off like it’s no big deal?”

“It isn’t a big deal.” Anne grumbled.

He ignored her. “How’d it happen anyway?”

There was a tearing feeling in her stomach—indecision on if she should tell him the truth of the matter or not. The small part of her brain that was hung on Gilbert’s earlier suggestion rioted at her to choose not.

It won. “It just—happened. Okay?”

Cole screwed his nose up. “What does that even mean? ” he said. “What, did you just randomly see him and say ‘fuck it, I’mma give into the three years of overwhelming sexual tension’ and decide to eat his face off?”

Anne blanched at him, stopping dead walk in the middle of the hallway. “Sexual tension?” she sputtered. “Have you been talking to Jane?”

Cole released a light laugh at the expression on her face. “No, but I’m not surprised she feels the same way. Everybody does.”

“I hate it here.” Anne said sadly, mouth turning down at one corner. What a piteous thing to confuse hatred with sexual desire. Because certainly— certainly —Cole and Jane were wrong. There was absolutely no sexual tension between her and Gilbert Blythe. None whatsoever. And she was positive in the fact that there never would be.

“Drama queen.”

“How observant of you,” Anne replied, beginning to make her way down the hallway again. “It’s as if we’re friends. Almost like you know me.”

Her blonde companion snorted, but followed after her.

“Apparently not,” he continued vexingly. “Not if you’re sucking face with Gilbert frickin’ Blythe.”

“Cole, I love you, I really do. But if you don’t shut up right this very moment, I will not hesitate to murder you.”

“Anne—“

“I’m serious,” she said, “I live on a farm—lots of sharp tools at my disposal, Mackenzie. Don’t push me.”

He laughed—a short and exasperated release of breath. “Has anybody ever told you you’re kinda scary when you want to be?”

She glanced over to where he was matching her stride beside her, smiling crookedly and impishly.

Cole’s mouth turned down at the corners. “Please don’t flash me your murder eyes. It gives me the creeps.”

Reaching across the space between them with her arm, she patted his shoulder lightly. “Good.”

They lapsed into casual conversation then, walking quickly the rest of the way to the cafeteria and occasionally bumping each other’s shoulders teasingly. She really did appreciate Cole, she decided. Well, she’d always appreciated him—but unlike the rest of her companions, he never pushed her to talk about the things he knew she was most uncomfortable with. Teased her relentlessly maybe—okay, certainly —but he always, always, knew when enough was enough.

As they passed through the metal-doored threshold of Avonlea High’s sorry excuse for a cafeteria, (even their library was larger than the sparsely decorated area—hardly even eight long tables adorning the length of the walls and smaller rounded ones few and far between) Anne startled at the absolute terror she was faced with.

Being such a small school, the majority of the senior class was pushed into the same lunch schedule. Meaning all the kids she’d grown with for the past few years—all the classmates that knew most definitely about Anne’s adamant hatred towards one Gilbert Blythe—paused fractionally when they noticed her fiery mane out of the corners of their eyes.

Anne’s heart rate kicked up, stomach twisting painfully as the cafeteria quieted ever so slightly and heads swiveled to gawk at her.

She felt Cole’s hand squeeze hers. “Christ,” he mumbled beside her. “They really don’t have any lives do they.”

She snorted, eased slightly by his encouraging and easy-going presence. “Our school doesn’t even have a total of five-hundred students. This is probably the most exciting thing that’s happened since you showed sophomore year and Billie Andrews made it his mission to torment you.”

Her friend winced. “Don’t remind me.”

“Shit, sorr—“

“Anne!”

The breath that had frozen in Anne’s chest upon realizing the upset she’d caused when first entering the cafeteria thawed the rest of the way at the familiar cadence of Diana’s voice. She could see her friend’s veil of dark hair, her infectious smile big and bright as she stood from their usual table tucked in the far corner of the room. The rest of her friends, still sitting, waved to her gregariously.

Friends, Anne reminded herself. Those are your friends and not even the disastrous evening before and whatever trouble Gilbert Blythe insights next can take them away from you.

She felt a warm smile tug at her lips as she moved toward the familiar corner, pulling Cole behind her as she went. But as she got closer, doubt crept into her mind. She saw the nervous glances Tillie, Jane and Ruby exchanged with one another—however miniscule they might have tried to make them seem. The scrunch of Diana’s nose, bringing her hand down from her enthusiastic wave and rubbing at a non-existent itch. Anne recognized it immediately as her bosom friend’s nervous tick.

Her steps slowed as she approached the table, nearly causing Cole to stumble into her from where he’d been following behind. Josie Pye—she was sitting straight backed, arms folded across her chest and an accusing glare flashing in her blue eyes.

Oh no.

Now this— this was the part she’d forgotten all about. Josephine Pye and her ridiculous aversion to amiable conversation. Her insufferable adamance on making Anne’s existence appear as a show for all the school to see. Josie fancied herself a puppet master, tugging at the strings on Anne’s back from the very first moment they’d met. And though a tedious friendship had developed between the two over the last few years, some things just never changed.

“Hey,” Anne squeaked out, instantly noticing how guilty she already sounded. She winced, sat stiffly on the stool across from her friends.

Cole rolled his eyes and plopped down beside her, shoved his bookbag towards the end of the table and folded his artist hands in front of him as he leveled Josie with a shockingly protective gaze.

“There will be absolutely no mentions of a certain happening with a certain someone taking place at a certain time yesterday afternoon, got it?” His voice left no room for discussion.

Diana nodded eagerly, reaching across the table and giving Anne a sympathetic squeeze of the hand. Jane pursed her lips, obviously wanting to say something, anything, about the unfinished conversation the girls had all had in the car that morning—but seemed to think better of it. Tillie and Ruby, always the more soft spoken of the group, simply sat quietly, glancing between Cole and Josie, the latter of which had narrowed her eyes in an obvious challenge.

The blonde grenade snapped her eyes to Anne instead. “I think that—“

“No.” Anne said icily, surprising herself. She’d never been one to overtly challenge Josie. But after dealing with Royal Gardner and Gilbert Blythe and every single pair of eyes that had followed and judged and questioned her all morning, she’d had enough.

She cleared her throat, “No,” she tried again, less hostile this time. “We will not be discussing the kiss because it’s my business and I owe absolutely nobody an explanation.”

“Periodt,” chimed Cole, snapping his fingers. Diana giggled, attempting to smother it with her hand but failing rather obviously.

Tillie’s eyes had turned wide as saucers. “So it’s true? You and Gilbert kissed?”

“Of course it’s true, I saw it with my own two eyes.” Josie snapped, “And obviously—“

“Josie, Anne literally just said we weren’t discussing it.” Diana huffed. It was the most annoyed Anne had ever seen her act with Josie—it made her want to tackle her best friend in a hug. “Please just drop the subject, okay? If she wants to explain herself then she will.”

“Must I repeat myself?” Cole raised an eyebrow at the blonde dragon across from him who was just barely containing the angry smoke Anne was sure to pore from her nostrils.

“Please,” replied Jane, amused.

“Periodt!” And he gave another flamboyant snap of his fingers.

Josie rolled her eyes imperiously. “You guys are dumb,” she said to the snickering gaggle of girls beside her, then she faced Anne again. “Look, I’m not one to really care all that much about your romantic life—“

Cole opened his mouth to protest but without even glancing his way, Josie cut herself off and snapped, “Shut it, Mackenzie.”

He raised his hands in the universal sign of defeat.

“But as your friend,” loosely Anne had to bite back from commenting as Josie continued, “I worry about what this means for your… reputation.”

“Oh, for the love of god, Josephine Pye. We’re in high school, not running for the frickin’ electoral college. I promise you, me kissing somebody is not that deep.”

Did any of them have lives?

A throat cleared beside her—Cole’s. “I mean,” he said quietly, “it kind of is when you’ve vowed to hate said kissee for the rest of your days. ‘So long as you bring air into your lungs’ I believe were your exact words.”

Anne snapped her head over to her traitorous friend, one who’d not moments ago was just defending her.

“Whose side are you on?”

“The gays,” he said solemnly. And then, upon seeing Anne’s unamused look, “Joking, joking—I mean, not joking obviously, but… Look, Anne. As overdramatic as Josie is being—“ said girl harrumphed impertinently, “—Everybody and their mother knows how much you hate Gilbert. I’ll fight tooth and nail for you, girl, but this whole situation is questionable in the least.”

“I just want you to know,” began Anne, “How much I hate all of you right now, nevermind Gilbert.”

“Hey!” Tillie protested, “I haven’t done a single thing besides ask if the rumor was true in the first place.”

“Tillie Boulter with-holding.”

Jane opened her mouth, “I—“

“You’re on thin fuckin’ ice, Jane Andrews.”

Anne was so incredibly and entirely tired of this entire situation. So much for not talking about it… God, she should just out and admit the reasoning already. Clear the air, make sure that everybody knew it was a farce. A ploy to get Roy Gardner to finally leave her alone.

Who was she kidding anyway? Even entertaining the idea that Gilbert had planted in her head earlier that morning was absolute insanity. Them? Dating? Imagine the uproar then. If her classmates were so nosy as to be absolutely entranced by the fact that they simply kissed, imagine if they announced they were dating .

Oh dearest Snow Queen, she asked of her longest comfort, What would you do?

She set her jaw then, determining it was time to come clean. “Listen, guys. Gilbert and I didn’t actually—“

“Anne?”

She froze. Didn’t blink. Didn’t take a single breath for what felt like a solid thirty seconds. Her friends all startled to look behind her, Cole craning his neck to meet the gaze of probably the absolute last person Anne wanted to see right then.

“Roy!” Diana chirped with false cheer. Her eyes flit between Anne and the monstrous cad that stood behind her, betraying the panic she felt on behalf of her best friend. “I thought you had B lunch?”

Anne refused to turn around, still frozen as she watched, horrified, as all her friends looked at each other confused and curious.

“Well, I did. But the adviser decided to switch some of my classes around. She thought it would be best if I stayed with the rest of the senior class even if British academia didn’t quite meet up with American—Anne, are you trying to hide?”

She was, she totally, full-heartedly was. She’d sunk into herself, almost as if she were trying to allow the lunch table to swallow her whole.

“Anne, sit up ,” Josie hissed at her. Was she—god, was she batting her eyelashes at the boy behind her? The boy in which Anne could very clearly feel inching closer to her with every second she didn’t acknowledge him?

She took a deep breath, turned around in her seat finally for fear that he might reach out and touch her, place his disgustingly delicate and nimble hand on her shoulder. “Roy,” she said, not meeting his eyes. “Hi.”

“Hullo.” Roy replied, probably smiling in a way he thought was enormously charming. “Your dress is quite beautiful. Almost as beautiful as the one wearing it, I might say. Almost .”

Oh, for the love of all that is good and— He was insufferable. Anger, white hot and immediate bubbled in her blood.

“What do you want?” She said, rather bluntly. Cole elbowed her in the arm, shot her a confused look. I’ll explain later, she hoped her face portrayed to him.

Diana, ever the mediator, cleared her throat. “Royal. These are my friends. Tillie, Ruby, Jane, Josie, and Cole.” Cole watched him hesitantly, the girls all exchanged giddy glances. “Of course, you already know Anne.”

“How could I ever forget.”

Anne had to resist the urge to feign a gag.

“Anyways. Guys, this is my cousin Royal.”

“Roy. Call me Roy,” he said. But he didn’t even glance at them, his eyes were trained solely on Anne’s. And Anne rather wanted to punch him in his obnoxiously pert nose.

“It’s nice to meet you, Roy—“ Ruby had begun, but the miscreant cut her off, paying sweet Ruby no attention.

“Anne, I was hoping we might talk?”

Anne clenched her jaw, fought to keep from squeezing her eyes closed in exasperation at the sheer audacity Roy had to even ask that of her.

Right. This was why she’d entertained Gilbert’s plan. This was why she had desperately kissed him. Because Royal Gardner had no boundaries and despite being related to her best and closest friend, every moment spent in his presence was a moment she knew she’d never get back.

“Talk,” she said stiffly. She stood up, grabbed a confused Cole’s hand and yanked him up beside her. “But make it fast because Cole and I still haven’t had a chance to get in the lunch line.”

“I am… so confused.” Anne heard one of the girls say behind her. Diana shushed her.

“Privately? Perhaps?”

She was seriously going to punch this boy in the face. Like, actually. Right there in front of everybody.

“Privately?” Anne snapped coldly, her fury like fire in her veins. She stepped around him, cornered him to the table, making sure her back was to the rest of the cafeteria. Too many rumors were already circulating around her. If she caused a scene, lord knew she’d never come back from it. “Are you joking?”

She saw Cole step back from the corner of her eye, scuttle to the other side of the cafeteria table with the girls. All their eyes were wide and unsure of what to make of the situation.

“Anne, there’s no need for such hostility. I was just trying to—“

“Deliberately make her uncomfortable?” a new voice chimed in from behind her. There was an unrecognizable hardness to it, incongruous to all of the other times she had heard it before. Across from her, her friends' eyes widened impossibly, gazes landing on the new addition to the already intolerable conversation.

Anne could feel as all the eyes in the cafeteria turned toward them, a sure spectacle to behold.

She watched as Roy’s jaw hardened, eyes trained behind her with a new intensity as he tracked the movements of Gilbert Blythe lazily sidling up beside Anne.

“I don’t believe we’ve had the pleasure of properly meeting,” Gilbert said as he threw an arm around Anne’s shoulders. She had to fight to keep from stiffening up, knew what he was doing, knew exactly what game he was playing at as he pulled her closer to his side and tucked her neatly beneath his arm. And while her blood boiled at his intrusion, at the audacity he had to come running in like he thought he was  some god-awful knight-in-shining-armor, at the way her friends’ expressions all changed immediately—all smirking and knowing and not nearly as surprised as she thought they’d be—the smallest part of her was relieved.

Relieved.

Like she’d still been gunning for that stupid, ludicrous plan that Gilbert had blabbered on about that very morning to actually work. Which in itself was most positively and unmitigatedly not going to happen in a million—

“Right. Is this him then?” The accusation in Roy’s voice broke Anne from her spiraling thoughts, solidifying the situation she was in. There, in front of all of her friends and essentially the entire senior class, she was facing off with one of the most impudent males she’d ever had the displeasure of meeting.

And, lord above, Gilbert Blythe of all people was the only person with the ability to make Roy leave her alone.

“Just a few months.” His words pinged around in her mind, “We get Royal and Winnie off our backs. And then we never have to deal with each other outside of class again .”

She scowled, resisting the urge to fidget beneath Gilbert’s arm. The heat radiating from his body where their sides were pressed flush together was rather difficult to ignore. She felt as though she could feel it fuse with her blood, travel through her veins and warm her cheeks, her toes, clog up her lungs.

“Is this who?” Anne replied, her scowl deepening.

“The boyfriend. The reason I can’t pursue you… or so you say.”

A choking sound came from her group of friends, though she absolutely refused to look in their direction. She was positive that the fire she felt across her cheeks no longer had anything to do with Gilbert’s body heat.

Roy raised a single brow when she opened her mouth, snapped it back shut immediately—a fish floundering on dry land. Gilbert’s arm tightened around her shoulder, probably meant to be comforting, reassuring, but it only made her want to elbow him in the side. The mortification leaching any and all relief she’d previously felt by his presence.

“I—uh,” she stuttered. Oh god, ohgodohgodohgodohgod. How in the hell had she gotten herself into this situation?

“My god, he broke her,” she heard Cole whisper.

“Anne? You did tell me you had one, right?” Roy’s eyebrow was still raised, the brazen confidence leaking from every pore. She hated him, she decided. Hated him more than the curly haired boy whose arm was wrapped around her and whose current silence felt like a ticking time bomb.

“I did,” she replied, and to her utmost horror it came out weakly.

“As much as I love being talked about as if I’m not standing right here,” Gilbert interjected, and Anne wasn’t sure if he’d noticed it but his thumb had started rubbing tiny comforting circles where it rested on her upper arm, “Anne doesn’t owe you an explanation. As a matter of fact, she doesn’t owe you a damn thing. So whether she has a boyfriend or not—whether I’m that boyfriend or not—is none of your business.”

Woah.

Wait a minute, not woah , what the hell? Had he really said that? Had it really made her heart rate kick up in her chest at the way he’d not only defended her but her right to make her own choices without explanation?

Royal blinked, opened his mouth, closed it. But Gilbert ignored him, turned his head to face Anne. The expression on his face said It’s up to you , the small curve at the corner of his mouth added, Carrots.

She closed her eyes, counted one, two, before opening them back up and meeting Roy’s gaze.

God help her.

“Yeah, Roy,” she said, swallowed thickly, “Gilbert is my boyfriend."

#shirbert #anne with an e #shirbert fanfiction #royalcordelia #my writing

[obeymeaskme]

Obey Me: Human and Demon Hearts!

A/N: You can find all the chapters pinned on my profile!

Chapter Three: Bonds mending (1/3)

Word Count: 1,563

Rating: 18+

“The best way to prevent this is to not back down. Don't give anyone else the ability to scare you, or get what they want.”

Satan's words reverberated in Noelle's head throughout the rest of the morning, quickly letting her settle down back into her normal happy-go-lucky persona. She gave herself the motivation to sit at the dinner table for breakfast. Though she didn't make eye contact with Lucifer, or Levi, she could feel the tension from that morning's situation rise. Everyone else around the table seemed to realize it as well, as no one talked. The only sounds that played in the silence was Beel's loud chewing, and the occasional clatter of cutlery. But Noelle's drama wasn't the only thing stirring up the atmosphere. Ever since the argument between Satan and Lucifer, there was a silent humming. It slowly got louder and it would usually go unnoticed in the household, but due to the silence, the humming could be written off as an almost low growl.

Lucifer had taken the final sip of his coffee before clearing his throat, and leaning back in his chair. He turned to the girls and began to converse with them.

“I'm inclined to ask you two about how you're both adjusting to Devildom, and your academics.”

Bella, having missed the earlier encounter, looked up with enthusiasm, happy to help change the uncomfortable silence she didn't quite understand.

“I think we're doing good. I mean, neither of us are failing our classes. I have more time to do other things when I'm in my room thanks to my study halls at RAD!”

The growling grew slightly louder as Lucifer turned to Noelle, his eyes demanding an answer from her as well. She could feel her confidence waiver, even after her talk with Satan. Something inside of her still managed to cling onto her confidence. Taking a quick glance at Satan she realized he wasn't at all interested in her response.

“Well... I can agree with Bella on that much. I'm not failing any classes... yet...”

As soon as Lucifer gave a disappointing scoff, the dead silence was replaced with an audible gnarl. Noelle and Bella had to follow the brother's faces as they all whipped their heads towards Satan. It became glaringly obvious that a verbal fight was about to breakout. There were silent pleas on everyone's faces. Mammon had even attempted to redirect the attention by telling Noelle she 'Just needed a more positive attitude'. Yet that didn't stop the second lower rumble mixing with Satan's growls. There was an unspoken argument between Wrath, and Pride and the air became physically warm, and humid. Lucifer was first to break the silence, startling everyone avoiding his glower.

“Is something the matter Satan? Perhaps you have more insight on just how 'well' you think Miss.V-”

He was cut off by a sparingly calm reply by the addressed.

“It seems that I, for once, do happen to know more than you. Scary isn't it?”

Noelle had started to calm down, the focus now off of her. Still she shook her head, wondering why this frayed her nerves in the first place. If only she was a tad bit stronger like Satan. Maybe then she could face Lucifer and his threats. That's when an idea popped into her head, and she took the conversation into her own hands. A Deathwish at her doorstep.

“It's nothing too important to you Lucifer. After all, what would a demon of your stature want with my own well being?”

The remark caught everyone off guard. A few coughs and a gasp or so tried to fill the in between. Lucifer looked back at her. Noelle's eyes and face seemed almost playful. He took a second to compose himself before answering.

“It's not me who wants to know. This is the fourth year the Devildom held it's student exchange program. Lord Diavolo wishes to keep close tabs on the students, so I will ask the questions and then create a report for him to examine”.

Noelle nodded in thought. Then another idea developed in her head, and she gave a rather large smile.

“Well, since you're not all that interested... I guess I could tell Lord Di-dia-”

A few chuckles were shared as she struggled to get Diavolo's name right before ultimately giving up on it.

“-The Demon Prince myself. You shouldn't have to stress out over me so much. I have no problems giving him a report if that's something he wants. After all it's the least I can do for you.”

Everyone's eyes widened as Noelle stood up from the table, ready to partake in getting the hell out of the room. But it seemed Lucifer wasn't quite done as he called out to her. Standing up and straightening out his jacket.

“Are you implying that I am incapable?”

Noelle gave a sheepish shrug, but voiced her disagreement.

“No. Why would I? I'm just saying, as the Avatar of Pride, and the future Demon King's right hand man, I can imagine you're up to your eyes in other paperwork. Paperwork that is much more important than writing some report on how well a human exchange student is doing. Especially so early in the week? I think Both me, and Bella can handle that so you can impress Lord- Ya' know, with your more complex work. The Prince must get terribly bored with academics he's probably the master of already. Then again it's just a thought.”

Stunning Lucifer with her speech gave the others a chance to pick up their empty plates with their own excuses to leave the room. Bella had given Belphie a look before they left, and he just shrugged in response.

A handful of minutes passed and Noelle was already far into unpacking the rest of her belongings in her room. She had ordered a bed and couch to fill some empty space as she sketched out floor plans for her room. A knock was heard and a groan was given in return.

“Come in, but only if you dare~”

Satan could be heard chuckling as he just about waltz in. After tripping over a few boxes, he recovered his saunter and stood by her side at a small artist table in the corner. He had come to ask her about how she handled the situation, but was quickly distracted by the delicate drawings that scattered her desk, and decorated her walls. She had looked up at him as he silently asked to pick them up and look. She nodded in return. He lightly traced over the graphite lines, and dried colored water of morbid monsters, and cute creatures. The blaring contrast intrigued him. They spent the next few hours bonding over the arts, and her own creations. They were all but done talking as someone out in the hall walked by. Taken aback by a rather loud laugh given by Satan at another one of Noelle's inside jokes.

Lucifer had actually wanted to make his way to his study to work on paperwork, ironically enough. He'd never heard the fourth born brother laugh in that way. Listening in through the door he caught a glimpse of Noelle's true personality. It was young, sometimes barely innocent, but knowledgeable. Satan had taken to her like it was nothing. Though it left a searing pain in his head to admit it, he had come to the realization that he was in fact wrong about her. He made false accusations based on her interactions with the brothers. And up until then they weren't the most uplifting. It dawned on him further as to why. She had foolishly chosen Leviathan as her guide through the program. Lucifer silently scolded himself knowing full well that Levi had a hard enough time socializing let alone with anyone he deemed as being normal.

Mammon and Asmo had seemed to avoid her this whole time, and the only time Belphegor and Beelzebub had interacted with her was when the two girls wanted to hangout. It seemed that Belphegor and Noelle barely got along, and Beel seemed to not pay much attention. Lucifer dragged himself away from Noelle's door and made his way to his destination. Even behind his large desk that he felt the most peaceful at, his mind was still boggled. He knew logically that she was bright. Her grades showed it, and the more he thought about it he found no true reason to dislike her so much.

Her display at breakfast was proof that even though he had threatened her that morning, she was planning on killing him with kindness. Satan was correct. Noelle's survival in Devildom was going to be based on how tough she was. However, she was too soft and emotional for the demon world, and Bella had no problem with it due to her constant interactions with the twins. Lucifer soon realized that if Noelle were to make it in their world, he'd need to change his mocking attitude. She needed to become more confident, and more willing to listen to him and his brothers. So how could he make that happen if they were all so cold to her. At least for now she had Satan. That in itself was dangerous but for now it was something.

#obey me: human and demon hearts #obey me #obey me one master to rule them all #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me levithan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphagor #obey me fanfic #obey me oc

[whentherewerebicycles]

some thoughts that might seem unrelated but aren’t, i promise:

— in that atomic habits book I read a couple weeks back the author talks about using a specific, action-oriented question repeated throughout the day to help you build or break habits (like “what would a physically fit person do?” or “what would a sober person do?”).   

— the aging books i was reading last month noted that people who score high in conscientiousness (on the Big Five personality traits) tend to age most successfully ie enjoy the longest stretch of active years. to quote this article, conscientiousness is “a fundamental personality trait—one of the Big Five—that reflects the tendency to be responsible, organized, hard-working, goal-directed, and to adhere to norms and rules...Conscientiousness comprises self-control, industriousness, responsibility, and reliability. A conscientious person is good at self-regulation and impulse control. This trait influences whether you will set and keep long-range goals, deliberate over choices, behave cautiously or impulsively, and take obligations to others seriously.” I tend to score very high in openness but very, very low in conscientiousness. more on this in a bit...  

— my sister and i were talking recently about different kinds of intelligence, and also about core values. one of hers is efficiency, a word that i have all kinds of negative associations with lol but that she explained in ways i found really intriguing. for her efficiency isn’t about, like, Maximizing Productivity for Capitalism but is about methodically searching for the most effective, least confusing or redundant, most easily-communicable-to-others way to solve complex problems. when she encounters a system that has all kinds of weird bottlenecks or inefficient, time-consuming ways of completing a task (esp if the rationale for those methods is just “well.. that’s how we’ve always done it”), she starts immediately examining the larger structures and workflows around those bottlenecks to see if the established ways of doing things can be rerouted or simplified, and then she constructs new protocols or tools for people to use instead of the old inefficient way of working. efficiency will never be a core value of mine, in part because i think my humanities-oriented brain accords more value than her STEM/medicine-oriented brain does to wandering, daydreaming, slowed-down thinking, doubling-back or retracing one’s steps, and other “inefficient” modes of thinking that slow down the process but can lead you in unexpected directions or spark unanticipated epiphanies that illuminate the larger structures differently. i think we both share a keen interest in systems-level thinking and in examining whether established ways of doing things are the most effective ways of doing things, but we prioritize different modes of thinking and problem-solving in figuring out how to alter or redesign those larger systems (which is probably a result of temperament differences + our field-specific training).

THAT SAID, i have been thinking a lot about how one area of my own intelligence i would like to sharpen/hone in both my professional and personal life is like... a mode of intelligence that is linked to rigor, a more methodical approach to problem-solving, and the ability to construct & more methodically test detailed mental schemas. not quite sure how to articulate that but i feel like my thinking has gotten a little fuzzier than i want it to. and I think maybe this sensed fuzziness in thinking is linked to some of my ongoing feelings of restless discontent re: work. I also just in general want to be more conscientious in how I approach and solve problems, or in how I tackle big and small projects.

— this is more tangentially connected but: i feel like one thing i’ve noticed this year is that a lot of the people i admire professionally are really good at seeking out & taking on lots and lots of additional challenges or commitments, and they can do this in part because they tend to be very conscientious people, ie people who have big-picture vision but are also very detail-oriented and good at managing their time effectively & doing things efficiently so they can take on multiple projects without feeling overwhelmed. i feel like my own low-conscientiousness means that i can’t take full advantage of my high-openness—often i want to take on new projects or challenges but i worry that i’ll overextend myself or that the project will become more time-consuming than i anticipate. i think is linked to a different sort of fuzziness, ie a lack of clarity about how long things take or how much time i have — all combined with a deeply ingrained sense of myself as someone with executive dysfunction issues (poor time management, poor planning skills, poor organizational abilities, etc.). i think of myself as a very inefficient and extraordinarily disorganized person, whether this is 100% accurate or not, and that can sometimes lead to me taking myself out of the running for opportunities or limiting the number of projects i take on out of a fear that i won’t be disciplined enough to see them through.

— another thing my sister and i were talking about recently is how within large families, siblings tend to get assigned a “role” or a personality within the family dynamic very early on, and then they get sort of locked into that over time. everyone in the family expects them to always behave in that way, and there’s often a lot of unconscious resistance to letting your family members change or grow or develop in ways that contradict the clearly defined family role that’s been assigned to them, or the family “story” that everyone else in the family tells about them. you can get locked into both positive and negative roles—or like, often the positive role has a negative flipside. we were talking about how within our family, i’ve been “assigned” to be the “deep thinker” ie the introspective one who spends my life writing and thinking and daydreaming, whereas my sister has been assigned the role of being most like my father, ie very methodical, analytical, unemotional, and action-oriented (and therefore not introspective or inward-looking). and we were talking about how both of these have a negative flipside: my sister feels like she doesn’t get to be a “deep thinker,” or an introspective, emotionally intelligent person; whereas i feel like in my family’s story for me i am forever in “lalaland,” as my mom always says—head in the clouds, an ineffectual dreamer, the absentminded professor who has lots of big thoughts and feelings but is incapable of bringing any of my fantastical ideas to fruition because i have very little practical knowledge or stick-to-itiveness.  

— as i’ve said many times before, i feel like i can’t solve the big-picture issues with my job right now, since so many of them are linked to shitty pandemic realities. but i was thinking that maybe one way to begin laying the groundwork for this final year in my job might be to work on strengthening my conscientiousness at the micro-level, ie in small everyday habits and interactions. my hope is that maybe by practicing conscientiousness in lots of small, low-stakes situations, i can start strengthening those muscles and building trust in myself as “the kind of person who does ____” (which i feel like is necessary for me to begin challenging the family story i’ve internalized what i am like). i mean, there is a lot of truth to that family story! but i bet that those aspects of my personality are nowhere near as inflexible or as like, divinely preordained as i have often assumed they are. like, i bet that through practice & through building better habits i can actually become significantly more conscientiousness (reliable, responsible, hardworking, efficient, good at follow-through, self-disciplined, etc) than i am now. and while efficiency may never be as central a value for me as it is for my sister, i think there is probably a way for me to see efficiency and conscientiousness as linked to my own core values, if only because those qualities or traits will allow me to better enact/embody my core values. so i think i can see it not as working against the grain of my personality, but as working to build out less-developed parts of my personality to strengthen the parts of my character that i value most.

— anyway this is all to say that for the last week i’ve been asking myself aloud “what would a conscientious person do?” multiple times a day, really any time i find myself at a small crossroads where i have to make a small decision. do i pick up that piece of cardboard and put it in the recycling bin now or leave it till later? (what would a conscientious person do?) do i return that call from the plumber now or put it off until later? (what would a conscientious person do?) do i take two minutes to pay that $4 toll bill now or put it on the giant stack of “tasks i will definitely deal with when i’m in the mood to deal with them,” where it will inevitably become a $25 and then $50 bill because i forgot about it and now have to pay late fees? (what would a conscientious person do?) do i comment on that student’s draft now when i’d rather be on the couch scrolling through social media? (i could probably do it tomorrow, when i have another block of free time, but what would a conscientious person do?) i have no idea if it will work in the long term!! but it’s been an intriguing experiment so far, mostly because i think it is teaching me that many of the tasks i build up in my head as incredibly time-consuming are actually quite quick, and once you finish them you also free up all the mental energy you were putting into procrastinating on them, and are better able to move onto the next thing. i also feel like it is teaching me that uhh maybe a conscientious person is not like, a completely different species of human being, but just a person who has different habits or patterns of response to daily choices than i do. that feels important too: if we are what we repeatedly or habitually do, then changing what i habitually do can probably change the kind of person i am!   i’m finding that there’s something very useful about the simplicity of the question, too. deliberately posing the question to myself interrupts my habitual, unconscious response (which is always some version of “i don’t have the energy to deal with that / don’t want to expend that energy right now -- i’ll put it off till later”) -- it requires me to stop and focus my attention on the present situation instead of sliding right past it without thinking about it. and there’s also something quite satisfying about framing it as a choice or a decision: i get to choose what to do, ie i get to exercise agency, and exercising agency makes your brain feel happy (we like to feel in control! we like making choices!). so throughout the day i get to experience lots of little bursts of whatever gets released in the brain when you make a decision and immediately follow through with it, and i think/hope that this kind of positive reinforcement is helping to strengthen those circuits and lay down the groundwork for new patterns of habitual response. 

those are some thoughts this morning!! now i am going to allow myself a few minutes of sloth lol and then i’ll get up and exercise.

#mw #thinking aloud #long post

[haikyuuvbc]

Chapter 10: Sibling Day

It’s About Time!

Taglist: @jasminedesu @elianetsantana @thefangirl54

     Growing up, you and your siblings had a deal: if any of you, for whatever reason, needed a day off from something, the others would make sure that it happened, no matter the situation. Miwa cashed in her “getaway” card a few times in high school, resulting in you begging Asahi to call her school and pretend he was the dad of the family (he had a relatively deep voice for a middle schooler), and this time it was your turn. You texted Miwa during class when Daichi thought you were finally replying to the GC. (you weren’t, and you refused to check the messages). Within the remaining 30 minutes of class, you see a teacher come into the doorway of the classroom, distracting your classmates. The man gestures to your teacher, interrupting his lecture. You’re already packing up your stuff because you know what’s happening. 

     “Miss Kageyama?”

     “Yes sir?”

     “You’re dismissed from school, we received a call from your sister.” You nod, and silently thank Miwa for being so dang quick with the follow-through. It was easier not to turn back to see the four pairs of eyes boring into you from your friends and instead head towards Tobio’s classroom, pulling him from school too, otherwise it would raise suspicion. Your brother raised his eyebrows but didn’t verbally question the event until off of school property.

     “What’s going on?”

     “I need a sibling getaway day,” you explain, “I’ll explain further but I need to leave school.” He nods, processing the information. You had never called for a “getaway card” before. Both he and Miwa had, but this is the first one you called. He knew something was wrong and his main feeling was grateful that you insisted he come with you. After dropping your bags off at home, you suggest going to a cafe that was a few blocks away. Tobio didn’t argue and let you lead. Along the way the setter messaged his captain and apologized, explaining that he wouldn’t be at practice.

     Even after arguing with your brother you both enjoy your dessert immensely. After each of you has eaten your fair share, he looks at you expectantly. The seats at the café are comfortable, which you’re grateful for because the situation is far from comfortable. Sighing, you knew this was coming. You promised to share what warranted your first ever getaway day, and it was time to own up to that. He was missing practice, for god’s sake, and this was a boy who was serious about his practice. But it was also a boy who was serious about his sisters, which is something you and Miwa were always grateful.

     “The background of this starts in middle school,” you start, and he gives you his full attention. “When Tooru and I were dating,” he cringes at this, wanting to forget you ever dated his senpai, but doesn’t interrupt, “His fan club was growing more and more every day. At first they didn’t mess with me because anytime I was near them, I was near Tooru and none of them wanted to seem ugly or rude in front of the person they admired.” The weight in your chest that had been haunting you since the movie night grew bigger as you continued your explanation. “For the most part at the beginning, they didn’t mess with me. When they found out that you were on the team, also a setter, Tooru’s fan club made a nasty accusation that I was only dating him because he was your senpai.” Tobio’s eyes widen, but he still stays silent. 

     “So they started calling me names, sending me nasty messages on social media, so on and so forth. At the beginning, it didn’t bother me too much. Later on, though, they started to say things like that you were only getting so much playing time because of my connection to Tooru, which of course was false because you’ve always been talented enough to stand on your own. But the words and insults started happening at my school. They made friends and connections with fellow students and I started getting bullied in my hallways. It was overwhelming.” You feel a sense of relief as you finally share this with your brother, and a sense of dread. You never wanted to drag him into this mess, but in a way, you’re protecting him with the knowledge rather than from it.

     “What really pushed me over the edge is when they assumed that it wasn’t getting to me and they started to threaten to go after you. That’s when I decided a break up needed to happen no matter what, so I went to talk to Tooru about it.”

     “Was that when you walked in the gym after he tried to punch me?” You take a deep breath, glad you didn’t have to be the one to voice that incident.

     “Yeah. I had already planned on breaking up with him, but that gave me a better reason to do so. I was actually a bit grateful when Iwa informed me of it. I told Tooru’s fan club that we had broken up and they had backed off.”

     “Wait, had?” This was the part you were really not wanting to explain, but you needed to. 

     “You picked up on the fact that I like Daichi,” you rush out, avoiding eye contact as you cheeks flush. Tobio takes a moment to process what you said, and he goes, nonchalantly,

     “Yeah, you’re not super secretive about that.” 

     “Thanks. Mei, Asahi, and Suga agree with you on that, and they planned a get together on Sunday at the mall with the five of us and completely bailed on Daichi and I for the sake of an ‘impromptu date’.” Tobio is following along still, not surprised there’s so much info to catch up on. You’ve never been one to share. In fact, this situation has taken longer than you had anticipated, your drink melting in the process. Customers have come and gone, but you and your younger brother have remained in your seats. You continue on with the story, nearing the end.

     “While it wasn’t an actual date, one of the fan club accounts saw us having fun and started sending me hateful messages about it. Pretty much saying the same things they said back then, that I’m only interested in Daichi because he’s your senpai, that I don’t actually have real feelings or anything, and the accusations hurt even though I know they aren’t true.” Tears start to well in your eyes and it’s obvious that it’s affected you more than you’ve ever let on. “I don’t want to deal with this again, and I don’t want anyone dragged into the mess, so I needed this day to process and accept that nothing’s going to happen between me and Daichi.” You say with such a finality that Tobio knows he can talk, although, he’s not sure how to share his thoughts kindly, so he does it how he always talks. Bluntly.

     “That’s unfair to Daichi, Y/N, and you know it.” You give him a quizzical look, thinking your brother would be on your side. He continues in his normal agitated voice, “This doesn’t just involve you. He has feelings for you too, and I’m sure he’d be hurt if he knew you weren’t going to pursue something, even though you really want to, solely because of the fact that you’re scared.” This sinks in for a moment.

     “You’re scared, Y/N, and that’s okay. Those fangirls were mean to you, are terrible to you, and I know it’s easier to run away, but since when are you someone who does something because it’s easy? Why are you trying to protect people without asking for their input?” He stares you down as he adds, “I appreciate you wanting to protect the people you care about. I’m so lucky that I fall into that category, but I’m not in middle school anymore. I’m not incapable of defending myself, and neither are your friends. If some Oikawa fan wants to say that I got where I am because of who you’ve dated, let them. We know the truth and that’s what matters.” Tobio may be the least emotionally intelligent one of your siblings, but it’s moments like this that remind you he is an expert in you and Miwa.

     After the emotional talk was over, you both switched back to topics like school and volleyball, with you promising to help him study, learning that Hinata isn’t doing so great either. You offer to do a study group for both of them together, and he agrees, saying he’ll bring it up to Hinata the next time he sees him. Eventually, it was time to go home and explain what happened to Miwa, not because she would pry, but because you were tired of keeping this from the people you loved. On the walk home, Tobio brings up one more thing.

     “Y/N?” 

     “Hm?”

     “I really think you and Daichi would make a good couple, but either way, he deserves the truth.” 

     You sighed, but you know it’s the truth.

Prev    Masterlist    Next

#Haikyuu #Haikyuu!! #Haikyuu fanfiction #Haikyuu SMAU #Haikyuu Social Media AU #It's About Time #Daichi x reader #Daichi x y/n #daichi smau #Daichi social media au

[random-mha-thoughts]

Burden (Todoroki x Reader)

Pairing: Todoroki x Reader

Anon asked: “yo so for some Todoroki angst, what about his gf breaking up with him because Endeavor had told her to because he didn't want her to get in the way of Todoroki's "purpose" (she does tell him this) which leads to a very depressed Todoroki left wondering what he did wrong and desperately trying to get her back? Could end happily if you want, up to u"

Genre: Angst to fluff

(Submission 2/3 of Todoroki angst from my post a few days ago) 

Word count: 1,993

Tags:  @yuki-osaki​ @liviitehe​ @iamsoftsodonttoucheume-blog​ @bunnythepipsqueak

a/n: Legit I’m so tired I almost fell asleep in the middle of writing this, but I wanted to get this out for you guys before the night ended, so I banged it out.  It’s not as intense as Name and it ends happily so I hope you guys enjoy and are left with some fuzzy feelings at the end :3

I wrote this kind of gender neutral soooo yeah, read it as you want to!  Thanks again for the submission anon! I appreciate you!

It hurts to break Todo’s heart.  He’s baby, I just love him so much I wanna protect him :(

Also question, do you guys care if there’s a pic at the top of every post or nah?

From the moment Aizawa told me Endeavor wanted to speak to me, I knew something would go utterly wrong.

"I want you out of my son's life," he ordered bluntly.  "I have big plans for Shouto to become the top hero one day, he doesn't need to be sidetracked by high school romance."

Todoroki had warned me how pushy and controlling his father was, which is why he always kept our relationship somewhat secretive.  I don't even know where or when his father saw us together.  It's shocking, but I can't say I'm totally surprised he's saying it.

"Sir, with all due respect," I'm trying to be polite, but I want to give the man a piece of my mind after all the things Shouto's told me, "Shouto wouldn't appreciate you getting involved in his personal life.  This was a decision he made without you, and I'd say he's happy with it."

Endeavor rolls his eyes and rests his hands on his desk.  "Shouto doesn't know what's good for him.  Besides, I'm sure he only agreed to be in a relationship with you just to rebel against me.  He holds no true feelings for you."

I gape at his statement.  Is he for real?  "I don't know how you could possibly know that, I don't think Todoroki said anything to you about me or his feelings."

The man's turquoise eyes scan me uncomfortably.  "I remember your performance from the Sports Festival.  You barely even made it past the obstacle course round, and the only reason you advanced to the finals was because you happened to be on a winning team.  You even lost your first battle.  Your quirk and your abilities are nothing special."

I clench my fists, rage coursing through my blood.  "Excuse me-"

"Which is why a weakling like you wouldn't be a good match for my son," he continues.  "Think about it.  My son's power is immense, he can stand on his own in a match.  You probably need support from someone else.  He'll eventually grow tired of you and he'll toss you aside for someone on the same level as him."  Endeavor glances at the clock on his desk.  "Now if you'll excuse me, I have another meeting planned."  He rises from his chair and strolls out of the room.  "Give it some thought and I'm sure you'll make the right choice."

I'm left in the middle of his office, shaking and seeing red with rage.  I want to punch and scream in his face.  I don't care if he's some big-shot pro hero, he can takes his words and shove it where the Sun doesn't shine.  How can he talk that way to people so easily? Exasperated (and afraid I'll break something if I stay), I huff out of the room and back to the dorms, mumbling and cursing to myself about all the things I'd like to do to Todoroki's father.

And I hate to admit it, but what he said really gets to me.  My quirk isn't a strong, elemental type like Shouto's.  All I can do is heat things I touch until they melt or burn, including human skin.  I couldn't do much in the Sports Festival except block my opponents by melting the ground beneath them or throwing flaming objects at them.  I've always had a love-hate relationship with my quirk because it was always too destructive or too weak to be a hero's quirk, but I've always tried to use it in offensive ways to help me fight.

As I get off the train, I sigh, Endeavor's words swimming in my mind.  I hate that he might actually be right.  I'm pretty useless.  I can't help Shouto improve himself when he has to worry about constantly building me up and supporting me.  I'd just be a burden to him.

It breaks my heart to know that I'm actually considering going through with this.  Damn it, I can't believe I let Endeavor win.

I trudge into the common room of the dorms.  Everyone's watching TV, eating, or reading.  Shouto turns around from his position near the wall, just observing everyone.  As soon as he sees me, his blank face softens into a smile, making my heart sink.  I hate to break his heart, but it's for the best.

"Hey, where were you?  I was worried for a moment that you wouldn't come back before curfew."  His eyes melt right into mine, displaying nothing but warmth.

My stomach churns.  Aizawa had told me privately, so Todoroki doesn't know I just faced his father.  "My parents needed me to go grocery shopping for them.  They're both out of town, so they didn't get to go before they left."  I bite my lip, dreading what's going to come next.  "Can we...talk outside?"

The fondness stiffens into anxiety and I see his Adam's apple move as he gulps.  "Okay."

Once we're outside, it gets more difficult for me to look him in the eyes because I'm afraid I'll cry, and I have to be the strong one.  I take a deep breath to calm myself, feeling his eyes on me.  Just rip it off like a band-aid.  "I think we should break up."

At first I thought I'd said it too quickly for him to understand, but the way his face falls confirms he heard just fine.  I feel like I've just kicked the most precious puppy in the world, I want to cry in his arms and confess everything that just happened, but I can't.

The confusion and despair mixes in his eyes as he stares at he ground, his eyes flickering back and forth.  "Did I do something wrong?  Please tell me, I'll fix it."

My throat threatens to close up, but I swallow hard.  "It's nothing you did, Shouto.  I just think we might've rushed into this.  We let our feelings get in the way of why we're really here, and it wasn't to get into relationships."  I muster up the courage to stare at him with a hardened look.  "We should focus on our real priorities from now on.  I'm sorry."

Shouto's crestfallen expression kept falling with every word I said and I can't take anymore.  I calmly walk back inside the dorm and head upstairs to my room, about to explode into tears and I can't let anyone see it.  As soon as I shut the door, I break into sobs and collapse onto my knees.  The memory of his face right before I left remains behind my eyelids.  I hate possibly seeing him cry or get angry.  For both of our sake, I'm praying that he gets over it quickly.  We only dated for a few months, he should get over it fairly quickly.

.

He didn't get over it.

Even after almost a week, Shouto never failed to get through a day without boring holes in the back of my head.  He seemed so lost without me even when he's surrounded by his friends.  It got to the point where I decided to start having my lunch in an empty classroom because I would feel like breaking down whenever I meet his heartbroken stare.

There were even a few times where he would come up to me in the halls while I stopped to talk to someone and tried to talk to me, but I had to politely smile and tell him I was busy with the person I was with and then walk away.

It hurts.  It just hurts so much.

But if it means we can both benefit and get stronger without me burdening him, I have to stand my ground.  I started throwing myself into intense training alone.  I'm trying to focus my quirk on emitting heat to things so I don't have to touch them, but I'm not getting anywhere fast with it.

After a few days of frustrating myself, Shouto suddenly bangs the door open in the middle of my training.  At first I want to politely ask him to leave, but the anger burning in his eyes stops me as he marches to stand right in front of me.  I feel terribly small in his presence, I don't even want to meet his eyes.  "What-"

"Why didn't you tell me my father asked to see you?" he asks, his voice dangerously low, like a time bomb waiting to explode.

I feel my face lose all color.  How did he find out?  "Who-?"

"Uraraka told me," he answers before I can finish, fists clenching at his sides.  "I had a hunch there was something wrong.  What did he tell you?"

I'm torn between answering and keeping my mouth shut, incapable of even looking him in the eyes for fear I might fall apart right here.  "N-Nothing," I manage feebly.

"Tell me," the edge in his voice growing.  The room gets hotter and colder at the same time as Shouto's quirk starts releasing out of his control.

I scrunch my eyes shut to hold back tears.  "H-He told me you didn't actually have feelings for me and that you're only dating me to rebel against him," I sniff, "And then he said I'm too weak for you, that I'm nothing special, and you'll eventually get tired of me because I can't hold my own in a battle and you'd rather be with someone with the same ability level as you."  The hot tears finally escape my eyes and run down my face.  "And he's right, isn't he?  I'm just a burden to you.  I'm probably better suited to be someone's sidekick than a hero.  I'm nowhere near the same level as you."

I reach up to wipe my face of my stupid tears when Shouto steps closer and gently wipes them away with his thumbs.  His hands remain there, holding my head between his hands, the familiar gesture making me choke out a sob.  Anger had melted away into understanding and sympathy.  "I don't care about the strength of your quirk or how useful you are in battle.  I care about you, as the person I love.  And I'd never get tired of you."

He plants a soft kiss on my forehead and I collapse into his chest, my arms wrapping around him and gripping the back of his shirt as I let everything out.  His comforting fresh scent calms me down as he pats my back.

"I'm sorry, Shouto," my sobs muffle into his clothes, "I let him get to me.  I was too weak to tell you anything and I thought you wouldn't want me anymore.  I'm sorry I put you through this."

The boy buries another kiss in my hair.  "I knew you wouldn't think of this on your own, love.  You know how much I care about you."

"I know," I sniff again separating from him and wiping my face, "I was stupid.  I made both of us suffer for no reason."

Shouto cradles my cheek with his left hand and I lean into his warm, holding onto his wrist.  "Can we get back together then?  I miss you a lot."  Those mismatched eyes hold more love in them than I can even fathom.  They choke me up so much I can only nod.

His icy hand pulls me in by my waist before sealing our lips together in a sweet reunion kiss.  We move against each other, familiar feelings burst out of us to express exactly how much we missed out on each other in the past couple weeks.

Shouto pulls away just far enough to keep our foreheads still pressed together.  "If my father ever tries to meet you again, you're taking me with you.  I'm not letting him disrespect you like that.  He needs to know his place."

"Okay. don't get so worked up," I kiss his nose, to which he blushes and I giggle.  "Now can you help me with my training now?  I need to catch up with you."

#todoroki x reader #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #todoroki shouto #todoroki angst #angst to fluff #todoroki imagine #todoroki scenario #gender neutral reader #bnha x reader #mha x reader #mha fanfiction #bnha fanfiction #anon #request #ask

[silverselfshippingchaos]

With his dark past long behind him and revenge long-since attained, Maxi is ready to move on. He's ready for a new beginning. And so, he asks Ash the most important question he ever has.

"You kids can head on home, ya know." Maxi says, waving the two eager siblings away.

"Got it, Lord Maxi!" Nods Leixia, grabbing Xiba's arm and turning in the opposite direction. Faintly, Ash can hear him saying something about being hungry.

She chuckles, "Xiba... We just finished eating..." Ash shakes her head playfully, "But, if you insist, there's some leftovers from last night. Just go ahead and warm 'em up."

That seemed to be enough motivation for Xiba, because he went sprinting in the direction of their home. Leixia followed, screaming after him, but Ash didn't miss her giving a look towards Maxi. As for what that look meant, Ash had no idea.

Ash looks up at the man beside her, but he was just gazing fondly into the distance. She couldn't help but notice how her lover, usually incapable of the ability to (respectfully, of course) shut up, had been oddly silent that night.

A soft smile settled on his lips, sharp features accentuated by nothing but some lanterns on buildings shining on them in the dark night. Ash found herself questioning how he always managed to look so damn handsome regardless of where he was.

His eyes looked faraway. Maybe he was just thinking about the kids? Well, they weren't kids, per se. They were teenagers, well on their way to adulthood, but Maxi regarded them as such anyway. Ash could understand, often doing the same herself.

He had taken them in because, according to the Edge Master, it was the only way to save Kilik, Maxi's closest friend since he lost his crew.

Funny, wasn't it? That Maxi would find salvation at the hands of Kilik's master, and would set off to save Kilik, just like how Kilik and Xianghua had saved him. The roles had been reversed. It wasn't Maxi who was alone this time. He needed to save his best friend's life.

The kids by themselves weren't strong enough, so Maxi made the decision to mentor them and travel with them. After all, Maxi's skill in combat was nothing short of legendary. His journey may have been a tough one, but he'd fought off some pretty crazy things over the years. From random bandits to the wrath of literal gods, Maxi had seen it all.

With Leixia came a third party named Natsu. She didn't seem to be related to any of the others, but Maxi welcomed her on the team with open arms. If she had protected Leixia for so long, she could be a valuable addition.

And Ash had also tagged along. She may not have been as great of a fighter as Maxi (after all, who was?), but she figured that they could use the extra support. Along with, of course, not wanting to leave Maxi all alone again.

As time went on, traveling with the children had led Maxi and Ash to develop quite the emotional bond with them with the trio. They had their more stressful moments, but the couple cared for them nonetheless, and took care of them because they wanted to, not out of a feeling of obligation since they were so closely related to their friends.

Eventually, the kids had begun to look up to Ash as a motherly figure of sorts as well. Although she couldn't quite deny that they gave her a headache more often than not.

Well, perhaps aunt would be the proper term rather than mother. Ash was no idiot, and neither was Maxi. They knew who these Xiba and Leixia were. It was painfully obvious. They were Kilik and Xianghua's children.

Leixia didn't know Xiba at first, so Ash figured that they weren't aware of being related at all. Leixia had mentioned that her father had been a general back in Ming, whereas Xiba never knew his father. How ironic that he'd end up being taught the way of the staff that Kilik was oh-so passionate about, despite not even knowing who he was.

That's... A hell of a sticky situation. Poor kids. Awfully unlike Kilik and Xianghua to abandon their own. I wonder what happened. Ash found herself thinking.

The resemblance was uncanny between them and Maxi's friends, and just housing the Sacred Treasures they protected all those years ago was enough for Ash to raise an eyebrow. Not just in the form of their weapons, but in Leixia's pendant as well. Ash would recognize that familiar green glow anywhere.

Her theory was only proven by how Maxi's body tensed up oh-so slightly when around it. The influence of the evil seed, although mostly repressed, could not be cured.

Maxi hadn't brought up the topic of their parents with the children, only confiding in Ash on occasion. But he knew. He probably figured it out even before Ash did, considering how long he had spent traveling with the couple nearly two decades ago. He didn't have anyone else but them and Ash after the attack on his crew happened.

But the iconic trio of Maxi, Kilik, and Xianghua had long since split, and now it was just them. Ash had no idea as to Kilik's whereabouts, but she had heard that Xianghua had gotten married to some other man back in Ming. It had been years since he had seen either of them.

So, the responsibility to save Kilik, protect the Sacred Treasures, and take the children west while making sure they didn't die along the way fell to Maxi and Ash. How wonderful.

Ash squeezes Maxi's hand, "Hey, everything alright?" Even after all these years, their hands seemed to be made for each other. Maxi's hands were so much larger than hers and were so warm. He was always warm, almost like her own personal campfire. They felt nice in the slight chill of the night, and Ash wanted nothing more than to cling onto him and never let him go.

Some sick part of her found it almost comical that he felt even warmer after having a shard of the cursed sword itself place inside of him. He would agree too, always trying to keep a cheerful outlook on everything that had happened to him in the past. He even often joked about the unusually slow rate his body was aging because of the shard. At the end of the day, Ash was just glad that he had control over himself again.

"Oh? Me?" Maxi questions, snapped out of whatever trance he was in, his eyes snapping towards her. Ash sighs, "Nooo, not at all. I was simply speaking to my other boyfriend." She says sarcastically, "Of course I'm talking to you. Who else is around here?"

She was right. The streets of the town had been long empty, the sky dark. Ash looks up, the sky twinkling with so many bright stars. It wasn't far from where they had first met in India all those years ago. She was glad to be back to her home country.

Maxi chuckles, leaning down to give her a kiss on the forehead. "Ha ha, very funny." He responds dryly, "But yeah, I'm doing fine. Just thinking."

Ash smirks, but her voice is sincere. "That's a first, so be careful, alright? Don't hurt yourself."

"Hey, I think!"

"Hm... Debatable."

Ash goes silent for a few seconds, but eventually reaches over to grab his other hand. "I hope you know that you can tell me if anything is bothering you. I'm here to listen, and if you want, I'll do my best to help."

"Thank you. I mean that." He whispers.

Ash nods.

"Hey..." Maxi starts, beginning to walk towards the open fields on the outskirts of the town, "I wanna talk to ya."

"Take your time. I'm listening."

Maxi keeps walking further into the field for minutes, until the town is long behind them. He stops, staring up at the star-filled sky. Ash notices that he loses his easy smirk for once, face hardening into a firm expression. This is... Odd.

Maxi is the first to break the silence. "I... I never saw myself having a future after the guys died." He whispers, eyes still glued to the sky.

"I mean," He glances towards her, chuckling in an attempt to lighten up the mood, "You saw me back then. I didn't care about nothin' but my revenge."

… And seeing him hurt you too.. That was the last straw.

Ash remembers it all too clearly. His thirst for revenge against the thing who murdered his crew nearly destroyed him, and for so many years, that was the only thing he cared about. Killing the monster. Regardless of what it took.

Things only got worse with the shard. The bloodlust that was already there only increased, and it never died down. He isolated himself, pushing everybody away. Eventually, his humanity itself began to slip away. The shard always craved more, and it took years with the Edge Master for Maxi to even be able to think straight again.

But he had grown so much since then. He was still Maxi, her Maxi, cocky and confident with a sharp tongue to boot, but he had grown. Ash could see it in how he treated Leixia and Xiba. He wasn't the lost young man he used to be anymore.

"Yeah, that's right..."

"But I've gotten that revenge now, haven't I?"

Ash nods. "Yeah, you killed that freak."

"So I think that it's finally time for me to move on." Maxi says, taking hold of both her hands and staring at her directly.

"Even through everything, you never gave up on me. I pushed you away, but you never thought I was a lost cause. You taught me that I didn't need to walk alone anymore. If it weren't for you..." Maxi gulps, shaking his head with a soft chuckle, “Actually... Nope, not going there. It hurts to think about what could’ve been. Anyways,” He stops, as if pondering the right words.

Her eyes go wide, "Maxi..."

It was unlike him to be this vulnerable with his words, or even at all. Maxi preferred to let his body and actions do the speaking, but Ash didn't mind. He was loving and sweet. As he gathers his thoughts, she gently runs her fingertips along the callouses on his hands, worn down from years of battle.

"... I feel like when I’m with you, maybe I can have that future again." Maxi finishes, cupping her face in his hands. Ash softly smiles at him, leaning into his touch.

"I'm glad. That makes me so happy to hear. It..." She takes a deep breath, blinking back tears, "It really does mean the world to me that I can be that pillar of support for you. All I want is for you to be happy because, hey, you deserve that future."

Ash chuckles softly, and Maxi can feel his heart fluttering at the sight of her smile. She continues.

"But I hope you realize it wasn't all me, though. You made the effort to change, don't forget that. I love you more than I can say, and I am so proud of you. You’re the strongest person I know. Even through everything, you never let it consume you.”

Her voice was nothing more than a warm whisper fanning his lips. But since there were only mere inches separating them, he could hear her just fine.

He buries his face in the crook of her neck, the fur lining of his jacket tickling her cheek. Ash can't help but smile at how warm his face is. One of her hands reaches up to gently pat the back of his head.

"I love you too. More than anything. It was the thought of you that stopped me from giving into the curse, ya know." He replies, holding her tight.

Maxi steps away from her, taking a deep breath and staring at the grassy ground, "Man, this is a lot harder than I thought it would be..." He mutters, running his fingers through the swoop of his hair.

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"I guess I should just say it, huh?" He says, anxiously picking at his fingers, his gaze drifting to the side.

"You're not breaking up with me, are you?" Ash jokes, laughing softly. Maxi smiles, and in that moment, he is convinced that he has never seen a woman more perfect.

He shakes his head. "Not in a million years. In fact, the exact opposite."

Maxi reaches for his back pocket and gets down on one knee.

Ash gasps, her hands flying up to cover her open mouth. "Oh my god... No way."

"Yes way. I want you to marry me, babe." Maxi says, and he's never been more sure of anything in his life. For all these years, Ash had never given up on him. She was the light at the end of the tunnel of rage and blood he had built around himself. He had never loved anyone more.

“Will you marry me?” He asks, voice firm. His heart was pounding in his chest.

In his hands, a ring. It was nothing overly large or extravagant, but the fine gemstone in the center seemed to twinkle in the moonlight. Tears Ash had tried so hard to fight against came rushing back.

There was no hesitation in her answer.

“Yes!” She exclaimed, and Maxi couldn’t contain the pure glee that rushed through him as he slid the ring on her finger. He stood up and laughed in pure delight.

“This is the greatest day ever! She said yes!” He says to himself, picking her up and twirling her around in a circle. He pulls her in for a kiss, and she is more than happy to oblige, her lips moving in unison with his. She had been with him for so long, kissed him so many times, yet the feeling of his lips on hers was so magical even still.

He cups her face in his hands and gently wipes away her tears with his thumbs.

“Hey now, don’t cry.” He whispers.

“They’re tears of happiness, I promise.” Ash responds, and she can’t hide the smile from her face.

Ash giggles as he pulls her in for a hug, “I can't wait for you to be my wife." He murmurs into her hair, and she simply grabs him by the face and kisses him again.

Their lips lock for what feels like an eternity before they finally pull away. Ash rests her forehead on his, and he smiles. His cheeks were beginning to hurt from smiling so much, but how could he not?

Goodness, he’s beautiful… Ash thought as she gazed into his dark eyes.

“I love you so much. So fucking much.” She says.

“I love you too, baby. I love you too.”

Ash smiles, gazing down at the ring in her finger. Beautiful. In that moment, she is convinced that there is no place she would rather be. After all, he was her home, and there was no place she felt safer in than his arms.

#can you tell that i like the lore of this series yet. the kids from 5 aren't my favorite characters (not by a long shot) but #we got to see my baby being all soft!! and i loved seeing that. especially after he's really pissed for all of the last game #anyways i love him #thank you so much for reading! #this one was pretty fun #as over-the-top of a man that he is i tried to keep his proposal very casual and small. it just feels more fitting for him?? nothing fancy #just him and her and the stars #ahhh so romantic! #i also just really love how chill he is in the 5th game. it's been like 17 years and now he's around 45 and literally just wants to chill #rambling about the story of these games is truly my favorite thing ever haha!! #the idea of ‘hey how would he propose?’ hit me one day as I was going on my usual analysis essay about his development. fast forward a few #months and now we’re here! #I am. in love. I just think he’s neat #this has been sitting in my drafts for a while and I’m so glad that I finally got the motivation to finish it because honestly??? I love it #thank you again :) #me x the boys