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itskindofidontknow · 10 days

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What dreams know about love?

Chapter 6

Dream of The Endless/Morpheus x Love!OFC

Summary: The Queen of Love has grown used to the absence of her husband, the Dream King. After banning her from the Dreaming, they only saw each other when Morpheus summoned her for social or marital duties. He would go decades without calling for her, enamorated by a variety of mistresses. It broke Love's heart. Not that her husband cared. However, after being imprisioned for a century, The Dream King wants to regain his Queen's love. She doesn't believe him, not after centuries of neglect. The question is: Can dreams repair a broken heart?

Tag: Established relationship, arranged marriage, regency romance, eventual happy ending, angst, morpheus is a dick prepare to hate, love is eoster from west germanic mythology, typos are to be expected

"Lord husband" Love made herself present as soon as she entered his bedroom. If it wasn't for the peeling wallpaper, dust and decaying state of everything, the queen wouldn't know time had actually passed since their last private encounter. Things tend to stay the same in her husband’s palace, which was almost laughable since dreams are convoluted and always changeable. She entwined her fingers against her belly, her green eyes facing her husband, a very formal demure, but then, everything between them was formal.

Morpheus was discussing with his new raven, Matthew, as she recalled. Both speaking in internal voices. She didn’t hear what was the subject and they abruptly stopped when she arrived, her husband jumped at his feet, hands regally clasped together, looking like a young Austen Hero anxious in seeing his loving lady. Love never saw her husband so promptly to receive her. "Forgive me, I was not aware you were in a private audience. I shall leave you to it. I can return another time. Matthew." She apologizes, lowering her head to Dream and acknowledging the raven, as he awkwardly made a curtsy. It would actually be a relief if Morpheus dismissed her. She could return to the Garden and call it a night. Heavens knew she needed to sleep everything off.

As she turned her back to leave, her husband's calm but demanding tone made her stop. "Stay.” A calm order. A husband shouldn’t order his wife around. One of the oldest ingredients to make a disaster of marriage. Everytime she saw mortals, when the husband started to order the wife around, she knew it wouldn’t be a happy story. And rarely, Love was wrong

The brunette queen didn’t get offended by his commands, not anymore. In early years of union, she found deeply offensive the things he would say and do to her. She would silently weep, but now they did nothing. Before she could turn and nod in agreement, he hesitantly added in a softer foreign tone “Please.” Words that Love thought her husband would never say “Matthew is already leaving." Morpheus justified, his hand indicating the door to the raven, the pair quickly shared a knowing look.

If he ever made an effort to be in her company, Eoster couldn’t remember.

But then again, he was touch-starved. Men do impressive and uncharacteristic things for women’s good graces when they want something.

" Very well." With a tired sigh, turning her heels, she made her way to the bed as the white tulle of the camisole danced behind her. Sitting at her usual spot, the edge of the bed, stretching her camisole, crossing her heels with an upright posture, distracting herself, or better, avoiding looking at his direction, running fingers through the braid’s loose curls. The familiar soft mattress and dark satin covers were nostalgic to Love, better companions than her husband ever was.

“Have a good night, your majesty” The raven said it right before the door closed behind him, Matthew knew from his human years the sad truth behind that beautiful empty solemn face of the Queen. The dutiful wife, the classic stepford smiler. Forever upholding the shambles of marriage she couldn’t leave, being blamed by a misery she didn’t provoke, haunted by the shadows of mistresses she doesn’t know, obsessive trying to understand where it all went wrong.

The raven was thankful for not having to stay with them for any longer. Tension rose through the roof as soon as the royals got together. The boss never mentioned a wife, and yeah, Dream was not exactly Mr. Open Feelings, but a little warning that a boss lady was in the picture would've been nice. Back in the throne room, he saw in her face the accustomed embarrassment when the raven didn’t recognize her by name.

Lucienne didn’t help with any explanations, repeatedly saying that it was ‘complicated’ and that ‘They absolutely shouldn’t meddle between the King and the Queen’. That he got just from seeing their early interaction. And Marvyn said something in the lines ‘Look kid, all you need to know is to treat her well, and avoid the boss after they fight.’

Matthew didn’t want to assume Dream was to blame, but things were pretty obvious. First, the lady boss mentioned affairs, which are never good. Second, earlier, when they were retrieving the dreamsand, Morpheus remembered, with an unusual urgency, that he had to go back and see his wife, like he wasn’t used to going back to her. A new habit that he wasn’t yet on track. And the third, and final strike, that confirmed that his boss fucked it up: He was being uncharacteristic caring, like he wanted to make it up for a mistake, and the queen was not buying it. The woman barely showed any expression when he asked her to stay or said ‘please’ which, knowing Dream of the Endless, was shocking.

Matthew might be a bird now, but he knew that if the boss was expecting a little fun time with the boss lady, well, he was going to be surprised by the fun I-have-a-headache time. And by the look of his queen, he might get that for a long time. That wasn't the face of a woman ready to forgive.

As for him, the raven was relieved and grateful to the Queen or he would be in literal Hell right now, retrieving the King’s helmet. They would still go, but at least not now. Maybe Matthew would have some time to fly over to Lucienne, so that she could put some sense in the king’s head before just going to Hell. A better strategy maybe.

Love would’ve remained in complete silence, until hearing the sound of unfastening belt, her usual queue to lay down, and try to find something to do with her time, while Morpheus found his pleasure. That was how they usually did it. Silence, muffled growls, dull whimpers, cleaning cloths. “ My presence might be in one of your books. I retrieve my sand amidst a final encounter of two lovers.” If Love didn’t know better, she would’ve thought her husband was trying to awkwardly make small talk. He wandered through the room, before standing in front of her. One side of Love wishes for a fight. It burned her throat, wanting to question him when he missed one of his precious little toys, but instead, she answered distantly, her lips pushed in a forced discreet smile while looking up to him “How fortunate”

Before even leaving the Garden, she knew he had visited Johanna Constatine. Due to the woman’s line of work, it made sense that he retrieved his sand from her. Her knowledge of Constantine and Dream’s encounter was not because of curiosity of the queen. She long learned to avoid pain, meant to avoid sniffing around her husband’s private encounters. Her heart felt relieved that he didn’t immediately look for comfort in another woman’s bed. A feeling Love couldn’t escape, as much as she wisely knew it would only hurt her.

Dream went to Johanna because of his sand, and he stumbled into a misfortune story between two lovers. One that had her life tormented by the occult, and the other, tormented with addiction. Poor Johanna and Rachel, doomed from the start, at the end of their tale, however, an unusual substance was what brought them together for a final reunion, and was also responsible for the second one inevitable fate: Dream sand. And in those pages, there was her husband. The responsible for giving Rachel a peaceful death, dreaming of love. A painful story, with a bittersweet ending.

He could’ve let her die a painful death, especially after abusing his precious sand. Sand that was stolen, and traded. But he graced her with a peaceful ending. If she didn’t know that the books from her library were always a raw portrait of lovers' entwined lives, Love would’ve thought they mistaken Morpheus for another anthropomorphic personification. Normally, he would let the mortal agonize in the end, a fair punishment for her sins. But this time, he showed empathy. That puzzled her more than she was willing to admit. Even worse, it made her uncertain of his unchangeable nature. Pondering that maybe, there was a small, but real hope.

Love dismissed those thoughts lightly, turning her attention back to the raven haired king, dangerously close to her, knees touching each other, both staring at each other in a silence that spoke more than words. Morpheus hesitantly touched her face, lightly caressing her cheek, she watched him as a wild animal near his predator, not able to predict what’s next. “You look beautiful” He softly whispered, lips curved in a small smile. A foreign intimacy. She shriveled at his touch, turning her face away “You don't have to woo me, to lay with me” She couldn’t stand his gaze, not when he was looking at her with such kindness, it hurted more than he could ever understand. Years after years she yearned for that kindness, for the soft touches, and he denied her. Now she felt insulted by it.

It was a laughable attempt to fix something long broken. Morpheus might reshape dreams and nightmares, create and rewrite stories, but he couldn’t erase her pain, he couldn’t pretend he made it impossible for them to be happy. He decided on a loveless marriage. Love has done everything she could and couldn't to make him happy and gained nothing but scars she did nothing to earn. The King of Dreams always had to be the miserable tortured lonely figure under the pouring rain, tricked and trapped.

“Forgive me, my lady, for misleading you” He cleared his throat steeping back, giving space to his wife, she could sense his uneasiness, some unusual red in his face, but his stoic front remained “I have no intentions in bedding you I-” Impatiently, she got up from the bed, walking to the other side of the bedroom turning to him, taking a deep breath “Lord Husband, we have been married for centuries now, in this time you only summoned me to your chambers when you wanted to bed me.” ‘And when there were no mistresses available’. She wished to say, but decided to avoid what would lead to a heated argument “That is not-" He started to defend himself, but Love was tired, she put a hand in her head trying to calm herself to not scream, sternly looking at him.

Both could feel the tension rising again, prelude to another fight " Yes, it is, husband.” Love signed hands dropping in defeat, tired of debating what is not up for debate. “I am beyond flattered by your remarks, but I am exhausted, if it pleases you, bed me, if not, I won't further bother you, and would appreciate being excused. Elijah is expecting me, I told him it would be brief." Love enterwind her hands against her front, assuming a stiff posture.

“You won’t be spending the night.” He concluded. The first time Morpheus said this to her, he briefly informed her about how their life in private would be: Separate rooms, separate beds, separate lives. This time, a hint of disappointment in his voice, as he expected that she would want to stay. Love had no idea why he thought she would like to.

Even if it wasn’t a question, Love answered. “No, I won’t. My room is probably still, in dreadful conditions”. Shattered glasses, wine stained sheets, pillow feathers everywhere. Their worst and final quarrel, it was a dreadful day and devastation followed closed by their screams at the sound of thrown glasses. “You can sleep here.” He mumbled softly and Love was certain she had imagined it. Not knowing if he was suggesting or demanding it, she tested the waters “So kind of you, husband” The grip on her fingers got tighter, her knuckles almost white in tension “But I would rather not. I would like to do your bidding and return to my realm.” If it was a demand, he would have been livid by the rejection, but it wasn't a rejection if he was merely politely suggesting, as one suggests, a friend to spend the night during a storm.

He slowly nodded "Of course.” So he was indeed suggesting. She could hear the engines in her husband’s head, as she let out a breath of relief. He wasn’t used to his cold apathetic and formal wife, and she wasn’t used to his new caring and respectful persona. Old Morpheus would’ve already been finished with her, and if they had half of the conversation they had, he would’ve humiliated her to remember her place. And Old Eoster would’ve already showered him with wet long kisses and giggles just by the spark of his attention.

“If you may, I would like to show you something.” Love looked from his face to his hand, now pointing to the door he opened. She didn't remember if her husband ever gave her so much choice in their relationship. It was frankly, overwhelming.

She wondered what would happen if she just said 'no'.

" Outside the bedroom”. He saw the obvious suspicion in her eyes “Is that your bidding?” He made a way so Love could exit first, “Yes, it is”. The woman avoidantly walked past him, still waiting for the catch.

As soon as both were in the corridor, he offered her his arm, and she politely denied it, by looking away. Once again, he surprisingly didn’t get offended by her denial. Why he was in a good mood to accept such defiance was a mystery. His realm was destroyed, his toys missing, and his wife apathetic and dismissive. No reason for being this nice. “Follow me" he walked a few steps in front of her and Love followed the dark figure of her husband, keeping a safe distance. They didn't talk much during their short walk, and Love took the time to assess the damage in the palace. There was no real destruction, but a real abandonment.

She guessed that was what happened when the monarch didn't attend the realm, probably what happened to Lord Destruction's, her brother in law's realm. The idea of abandoning her realm, her creations, the sole base of her existence was a brutal one. Sometimes the job overwhelmed her, but never enough to consider leaving it all behind to its own luck. " How are the plans to rebuild the Dreaming?" She asked, wanting to shove away those thoughts of fleeing away.

Also she was curious to know if he actually had any plans to rebuild his realm, or if he expected her to hold the solstice festival in a palace of deplorable conditions, dust all over the hallways from columns that were flaking "Why are you asking?" Love frowned at his tone "Am I not allowed to ask about it?" He closed his eyes, squeezing them shut, cursing himself very aware of the thin line between passive aggressiveness and a straight heated argument. "That is not what I meant, lady wife"

Everything between them was a prelude to a fight. Morpheus and Eoster have never been on the same page, and they never stopped to try to get there. Both in such different headspaces that they were incapable of going through one conversation without misunderstanding each other. "You did not seem interested before in my quest to find my sand, I gather you weren't interested at all" He explained, if Dream looked back, he could see Love rolling her eyes "Well, I am interested in knowing the conditions I am to hold the Solstice Festival, husband.” The spite when calling him, sent Morpheus shivers. “If your memory fails you, It is one of the most important and prestigious festivals in the Garden, my apprentices debut on it and-” He turned to her, interrupting. "Worry not. I would not want to embarrass you " Love stretched her lips mumbling a ‘That would be a first’, lowering her head in a respect that didn't match her sharp answer " No? I am honored by your gracious newfound concern with my emotional distress". Love starred in defiance, walking closely past him, staying a few steps ahead.

Both returned to the silent walk, as they walked side by side. A few minutes of walk went by, until he opened two french doors with a single pull "We are here, my lady".

Love couldn’t hold her gasp.

Her Garden. Not her realm, but her garden in the Dreaming, ‘The Queen's Gardens’ as the dreamfolk would call. She forgot about it. The beautiful blooms in shades of red, pink, white, lilac, the sweet fragrance mixed with rain-washed earth, "It's the only part of the Dreaming that remained intact." He said it, stepping aside to let her enter. Of course it didn't fade. It wasn't Dream's powers that fueled it, but Love's. It has grown wild in her absence. Untamed nature, untrimmed, tempestuous, but full, strong, with deep roots.

She could see from the corner of her eyes, her husband admiring the red roses, reaching to touch one "Be careful, husband, spurned roses, grow sharp thorns" She said while admiring the long lilac cascades of Wisterias, that formed an arc at the entering, working their way into the crooks and crannies of the naked brick walls. Hyacinths, Carnations, Daisies, Roses, Casa Blanca Lilies in vivid colors, painting the gloomy field of the Dreaming, all fully grown and abundant. She slowly walked, tumbling in some weeds that had grown between paving stones.

It always gave her a warmth visiting her gardens after a long time. That nostalgic feeling, that makes the heart fuzzy but hurts the chest thinking of the time that went by. Her long skirt dragged through the damp floor, but Love didn't mind. " It was my first gift to you, a sanctuary were you could remember your home" Love allowed herself smile, inhaling the darling aromas, sitting in the stone bench made for two, that was almost covered in bold vines "And I love it, a white canvas I could not wait to show it to you when I finished it. Those-" She pointed at the other side of the garden, where Morpheus could see the nightly blooming flowers. “Moonflowers, Evening Primroses, Jasmines, Queen of The Night, all bloom at night. It was supposed to be a sigil of our love. The intersection between my springs and your nights.”

Love stared at the small water fountain, a few steps away from her, in the center of the garden, it still worked, as the sound of falling water filled their ears. Moss had grown around its base and aquatic weeds violently invaded the bowls although some water lilies still float. “I wanted it to be a small garden where lovers could dream and find each other here. I was so proud when I finished, I thought that…” A tight knot in the base of her throat, oh the naivety! She swallowed hard. “That if you could see how much I was devoted to it, you were going to see how I would be capable of caring for you, for your kingdom." Her mind lost in memories, remembering the thrill of her heart and the disappointment soon after realizing Dream would never come. "But you never came."

" But your creations did. Your nightmares. I have no idea how they found me, but they did. I pity their souls." She remembers Gault. The first time Love saw the nightmare she was almost tiptoeing, carefully walking, afraid of touching anything, afraid of destroying its peacefulness, its beauty, but eyes sparkling seeing the garden. "Tormented ones, forever hunted by their own craft." At first, Gault didn't stay much, jumping at her feet at the first sight of the Queen. But after some visits, and Love assuring the creation she couldn't change anything in her garden (not even if she wanted to), Gault started to walk with the Queen, learning about each flower, and before you know, Gault was helping water and trim the plants. In exchange, Love would get bits of her mind, she was interested in understanding how nightmares did their jobs, and if the burden was not heavy.

The Corinthian took a while, and Love often had to pretend not to see him sneaking into her garden. She didn't want to scare him away, but was anxious to get to know another of her husband's creations, especially the one she heard was one of his most 'perfect' ones. Although she could not fathom the idea of a perfect nightmare, being horrified by the thought of its meaning.

Even suspicious, Love welcomed the nightmare into her small greenery, after all, she was his Queen. "I think that here they had some peace, a small idyllic paradise, where they could just be a part of." Love liked to think she helped ease the pain in their hearts.

To be a dream was easy, everyone loved what you did, humans were eager to be around them, to meet them. To be a nightmare was a heavy burden. Eoster was no longer smiling when other memories, their terrible confessions, the pure agony and duality in their existence, came to her. How they could not wish for more, but needed to help mortals overthrown and face their fears. "I took advantage of those poor nightmares. '' Love confessed, a single tear rolling through her cheek, as her chest felt heavy " I lure them with kindness, something so foreign to them. Easing their heavy hearts with softhearted words, listening to their afflictions to masquerade the emptiness of my days, to fill my loneliness, knowing that my hands were tied.” Morpheus stood quiet, he knew she was talking more to herself than to him. He didn’t know. His obliviousness angers him. “I've never promised anything, of course, but maybe I should've. I should've done something." The king tried to cut her, knowing that trail of thoughts wouldn’t bring anything other than distress " My Lady, I…." But she continued, as more tears roll freely staining her face " If I did it, if I had the bravery to face you, if I wasn’t fearful you would toss me aside and isolate me more than you already did, maybe they would not have been gone, maybe they would not had left me here".

The Queen stayed in silence for a few minutes. Morpheus knew she was lonely, but never would have imagined how much it affected her. Loneliness was an old friend of the king, one that he grew used to. His Queen had loneliness imposed on her. No wonders she was moping in the corners in their first years of marriage. Morpheus didn’t share any royal duty with her, he didn’t allow her to go back to the Garden, and still got irritated when she looked for a little sympathy and was not content. The realization felt heavy in his chest: He made his wife a gilded cage, a bigger one than his glass prison but still, a cage. The nightmares, who would’ve thought, were a companionship for her, the only thing she had.

"I…"

In a sudden movement, the queen got up to her feet, cleaning with the back of her hand the stained tears.”Is that all? Did I attend to your bidding? May I return to my realm?" Morpheus felt an urgency to keep her, if she could just allowed him to do better, to find the right words…" Already? Don't you wanna…" She started to walk away, walking past him almost elbowing her husband. Love was almost at the door when she turned her heels, and forgot about poise and demure. "And you didn't give this for me to have a ‘part of home', husband, you gave it because you were annoyed by my constant ‘nagging' about the Garden.”

" That is not…" Again, she cut him "I heard you speaking to Lucienne, don’t deny it." Love heard both in the throne room, she remembers Lucienne asking the king if his wife liked the gift, and he dismissively replying that liking or not, at least she would stop nagging. That made Eoster furious. At the time, she kept her poise, after all she was eavesdropping even if it wasn’t on purpose, but now, it made her beyond furious. It made her enrage.

He spoke highly of himself as she should be grateful for a piece of 'her home' in his realm. Like he was this benevolent king. To Hell with that. "I didn't need a garden, I didn't need my home. I needed my husband. I needed us. I needed to make it here, our home, together. And you couldn't be bothered by it. You were too busy showering dear Calliope with your never ending passion!"

Love swore to herself she would never bring that woman’s name again, but that was exactly what he was doing and how he spent his time. Morpheus reacted quickly rushing toward her, like she cursed all of his siblings together. He got closed to Love, threatening look in his eyes, finger in her face" Don't you bring her into this." Love raised her eyes, facing him with the same intensity, not taking a single step back, slapping his finger down "Oh, but I will. You were so unbothered, that you put a child in her. Her, not me, not your own wife." The only one that could give him a legitimate heir. The flowers wither with her words, petals falling dry, the vibrant greens fading into paling browns.`”Not even to give me something to alleviate my pain, something to love. No. And you didn't even have the decency to hide him!"

How he ruined public events for her, where she needed to endure the looks of pity, the whispers that stopped as she got close, Love having to smile through it all, like she was an airhead that could not see what was under her nose. Speaking of love, devotion, like a fool. Having to walk around parties hanging in her husband’s arms, being forever polite, kind, elegant, excusing his moodiness, not showing a single regret or insatisfaction. It cut through her like a knife. "I was in pain! Tricked by…Calliope and I were togeth-" Morpheus caught himself justifying the unjustifiable. He promised to himself that he would condemn his wrong doings, he would agree with his wife, but out of habit, he dismissed her feelings, as his were the priority. He also did not like to be put against the wall like she was doing, calling his sins out in the open. Love was never one to do such things.

"What about my pain?! My suffering? Did my lord ever think about it? " She was openly crying, fighting the tears trying to speak, avoiding the whimper in the back of her throat "I did I-" He lied, stumbling to find the words. "No, you did not. Don't humiliate yourself by underestimating me with your pitiful lies. You gave me a garden.” She said spitefully, hands loudly falling between her side giving up. “Somewhere you could shove me away without judgmental looks from your subjects or your siblings." That was the truth, one that she hid for centuries, always repeating the narrative that he gave her the garden to be close to her home. "That's not- '' Again he tried to retrieve the narrative.

Maybe she would have listened if he wasn't trying to justify instead of owning his actions. How could she forgive him, if he was still trying to play the helpless tortured victim? Love was done, she turned her back to him, "Goodnight husband" Walking away at a fast pace. Morpheus watched her leave, as he felt something tickling his hair. Reaching for it, he saw a red petal with brown marks, the velvet touch was now dry and crumbling as he looked around, he realized the garden was now dead.

@secretdreamlandmentality @littlemoistcarrot @lokigirlszendaya

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almost-a-class-act · 6 months

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Please share some givenson HCs I've been loving the Justified posting

It's like you knew I'm watching Justified and not studying! RIP.

Okay, bear in mind I'm on season 5 so I haven't seen it all, and I'm a bitch who thinks canon is a suggestion, so anything that doesn't make sense with canon? We get what we get and we don't get upset. Lmao.

Also, I have no idea if @cenyiere wants us to acknowledge that she was party to this but she was and so she must take responsibility for her crimes get credit. Anything particularly funny is all her.

Raylan is the one who drifts through life getting attached and not being particularly great at it but it's obviously something he wants, while Tim is not That Guy, traditionally. But now there's Raylan, unexpectedly, and Tim isn't sure what to do with it. Is he insecure about himself? No, rarely, but he's insecure about this nebulous thing they haven't named, that he's trying to fit into a life and routine that has been tightly regimented since the army.

So what I'm saying is, Raylan saying/doing soft romantic shit out of the blue to this man who has never, either expressly or by the way he presents himself, invited anyone to speak to him like that and accordingly doesn't know what the hell to do with it, is like a grenade in poor Tim's mental landscape but it's also how I figure they get beyond just being coworkers who fuck after a long day at the office.

2. Thinking about that time Tim was babysitting Raylan and stayed over at the motel, and Raylan woke up to just find Tim sitting there reading. Like this man had time to get up, shower, shave & brush his teeth, put that bucket of gel in his hair, get dressed, put his sleeping bag away, and settle in with his book, and apparently did it quietly enough that it didn't wake Raylan. This has implications for their morning routine when they live together.

Picture it: Raylan wakes up one morning at 6 to pee and Tim's side of the bed is not only empty, but not even warm anymore and it's been made (as well as a person can make one side of a bed when there's someone else in it). When Raylan's sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee later on while Tim does the exact same shit he does every morning whether Raylan is there or not because this man loves a routine (makes coffee, then eggs - sometimes enough for Raylan if he's not being a pain in the ass - then washes his dishes) Raylan is like, "I thought you said you get up at 6:30."

Tim is like, "No, I said I can't sleep past 6:30. If I want to run, shower, and drink my coffee like a civilized person before work, I set an alarm for 5." This is how Raylan finds out things about Tim, like that he runs and fucking hates being rushed through his coffee.

Related: Tim's mom sends him new high-end sheets every year for Christmas because I just want him to have nice things, okay? Raylan does not grasp this at all. "Always sheets?" "Yeah." "It's not really a surprise." "Why does it need to be a surprise?" "...I guess!"

In that vein, Raylan's always learning things about Tim deeply piecemeal, because Tim is not a closed book if you ask him a direct question but he's not like, volunteering personal information.

"I didn't know you had a mom." "Did you think I just sprang up out of the ground?" "No, I mean - you never talk about her." "...She thinks your hat is stupid."

(Raylan can't decide if he's offended by the remark or charmed to have been brought up in conversation.)

(It's both.)

3. Tim has an LOTR tattoo. (It's an Evenstar trampstamp.)

4. I know everyone is in love with Gold Star Gay Tim but I'm not mad at the idea of him being bi? His Very Extremely Hetero comments about Victoria's Secret models and Sigourney Weaver could well be a product of DADT-era Tim super accustomed to trying to fit in, but picture this: His ex-girlfriend rolls into town (the FBI agent he had an in with, maybe? Tim likes smart women but dumb men, it's his toxic trait) and shenanigans ensue. She walks right up to Raylan and eyes him up like, "...this one?" And Raylan suddenly gets the uncomfortable sense that he's being appraised by two versions of Tim. (Will I write this fic? Don't rule it out.)

5. Tim loves crackers. It came to me in a dream. He keeps a box in his desk and another one in the car for cracker-related emergencies. Raylan looks up during a serious moment when they're talking to a fugitive in the conference room just in time to see Tim quietly wedge an entire cracker into his mouth and then panic about how he's going to chew it quietly. Raylan's chasing down a fugitive and he's in a convenience store and on his way out, but he doubles back and grabs a particular box of crackers. Art is like, did I see you pause and waste 20 second grabbing crackers? Raylan's like, .........those ones are hard to find in Lexington.

6. I'm sure this particular smut has been written a million times but don't tell me Raylan isn't super into the idea of Tim wearing his hat while they smash.

7. It's the sad verse, everybody: Tim's dad pointed at gun at him a time or two when he was a kid and that's why he got a little attached to the idea of killing him with a gun.

8. Tim feels like his value is tied up in his job, which gets established early. When he's babysitting Raylan (in season 2 I think?) he says something like "will you give me some credit, I'm a professional", and when Raylan asks how he knows about Gary it's "because I'm good at my job?" And then of course: "I can't carry a tune etc but I don't miss." And when he's reluctant to help Raylan with the FBI thing it's because he doesn't want Raylan "going all Raylan" and burning his contact. I have feelings about this because flash forward if you will to established relationship Givenson, when Tim must know that a big part of the reason why Raylan and Winona didn't work out and he got a shot in the first place is because of the job they do. Something to stare at the wall about!

9. Two nights ago I watched that part in season 4 where Callie remarks on the fact that Tim held back with Bad Haircut Fuckface because "you had empathy for him" and Tim's like, when I take him down, his eyes will be clear. Thinking about the fact that he's probably lost a few friends to drugs, wasn't just avoiding the question when he told Bad Haircut Fuckface about joining the Marshals, understands that impulse to get fucked up and not think about it and the only thing that helps is having something to do that feels like it matters.

Also thinking about when he rolls up to help Raylan get into the veterans bar half in the bag and Raylan sounds vaguely incredulous when he asks, "are you drunk?" There's also the time when Art is talking to the guy who wants his job and says Tim "probably has ptsd, probably an alcoholic" and like, he's obviously just trying to scare this guy off but he clearly knows it's a possibility. Crucially, he doesn't know for sure.

All to say that I think maybe Tim walks a tricky line with alcoholism. When he drinks, he drinks HARD. He goes through times when it's too many nights a week. Never at cop bars or anywhere people might know him, sometimes alone. But since he doesn't drink at work and always gets up and does his morning routine and comes in seeming okay, no one notices.

10. Re: later on, established Givenson: Tim's emotionally aware enough to know that he could certainly look after someone else's kids - smash cut to the precious montage of him doing cute shit with Raylan's daughter - but he can't be someone's dad. He dragged himself out of a shitty childhood and made the best of a brutal military career where half his friends couldn't hack it in civilian life but there's no room in that carefully constructed stability, wherein he's carved out a productive adulthood and held his ground but he has to work at it, to figure out how to be a good parent and get up and do it every day. And I doubt he sees himself as the marrying type, either. I bet it's a long time before eventually Raylan is the one who suggests they move in together. There's an undercurrent of Tim like a caged tiger at first, having to share space he's unaccustomed to sharing and altering routines he's never altered. (I have the feeling Tim does a lot of work in the background, mentally, that people don't see. Raylan gets the hang of looking for it after a while.)

11. A happier one: Tim and Raylan can't remember which flannel is whose anymore. People are surprised to find out about them and then Rachel's like, are you kidding? Raylan's worn that green flannel four times in the last two weeks and it is NOT his. (Rachel Is The Best At Her Job Agenda 2k23. Tim just keeping tabs on Gary for??? What reason?? That's boyfriend behaviour. Raylan is just oblivious. You know Rachel knew!)

12. Tim I-Am-Not-Coming-Down-From-This-Car Gutterson is a cat guy. He's going to have a cat in any fic I write, sorry or you're welcome in advance. His cat's a hater, as well; Mittens and Raylan have a healthy wariness of each other.

13. There are these lyrics in the Fallout Boy song I put on my Givenson playlist (lol, you already know I'm wearing a full face of clown makeup, might as well tell you all the sorry details):

'Cause you're the last of a dying breed Write our names in the wet concrete I wonder if your therapist knows everything about me

HC: Tim has a therapist through the VA. Mentions it once (Art makes some comment about something and Tim's like, "my therapist did say I should work on that"). Raylan isn't sure if he's joking and asks about it later. "You have a therapist?" Tim looks up from step 4 of his unhingedly detailed morning routine like, "Can't you tell by how well-adjusted I am?" Raylan honestly still can't tell if he's joking.

14. Re: Tim and Winona: On Tim's part, once Givenson becomes a thing, there might be that surface level, like. That's the gorgeous woman who is always going to be in Raylan's life as his baby mama insecurity but it's not a real visceral jealousy. He almost feels a little sympathy because damn, it's clear that both parties got their hearts broken over that not working even though it was never going to. Could picture a conversation where Tim and Winona are trying to feel each other out when Raylan isn't in the room for whatever reason and neither of them are bullshitters so it's just like. "Are you worried you have something to worry about with me?" "Nope. If it were going to work, it would have." (I do think they'd be friends eventually because Winona is too much like Raylan for Tim not to come over fond, honestly. Lol.)

15. Raylan's daughter headcanons? Here we go!

Eventually the kiddo asks Tim what she should call him and he's just like "...Tim?" Because what else would it be? She draws a picture at school and it's labeled "my mom" "my daddy" "my Tim". Baffled to discover other kids don't have a Tim. Tim's only comment when he sees the drawing is: "Look, Raylan, she got your giant head right." But he puts it on the fridge and it stays there through moves and whatever else.

He definitely teaches this kid how to shoot when she's older because he doesn't want her learning bad habits. He explains it to Raylan like, "I have one marketable skill and it has served me very well so I'm passing it on." Raylan's like, "you have two, but one you can't teach her."

16. To circle back to Tim not considering himself to be the marrying type:

They've been together for years when Raylan makes some throwaway comment related to like, work benefits or something similarly unromantic: "I'd ask you to marry me tomorrow if I thought you'd say yes."

Tim gets that zeroed-in look like he does whenever Raylan says something that actually for-real pulls his focus: "What makes you think I wouldn't say yes?"

"Would you?"

"I don't do jewelry or contracts that don't expire."

"It's almost like I know you."

#my case of Never Shut The Fuck Up-Itis is nigh terminal #anyway for anyone who read all that I'm sorry about your brainrot #givenson #justified #tim gutterson #raylan givens

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royalberryriku · 8 months

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That one post™ I read recently about being transfem gays and transmasc lesbians got me thinking about gender and sexuality and mine specifically and just... I have so many thoughts and feelings about this.

So many queers assume gender to be this: woman, man or non binary (assumed to mean agender). Yet, so many of us just don't fit into that at all. I know it's not out of malice too, and sometimes we even do know that it's not that simple and try to include bigender, gender fluid, etc in that, but even so, we always go back to assumptions; to a set bias of binary of which we struggle to undo the rules we've set in our own heads and perspectives.

Suddenly, we have limits of which do exclude other queers and even sometimes ourselves, we have hypocritical definitions and fall into a habit of drawing lines around what is This and what is That. And I get it; we want to know ourselves better, to word our experiences more exactly and describe to those around us what it's like to live as someone like us. But here's the thing; that's always not going to be 100% possible. There's always going to be differences and variation even within the same definitions and labels. No matter how similar we may be in regards to a shared experiences and shared struggles, there'll always be exceptions.

Gender and sexuality are like that. I'll expand on this below:

For those who are not transgender or who just generally struggle with this topic and don't know much about it, here's an outline:

Gender identity is, in a very general sense, one's perception of their identity as a person; it's that question of who they are and what they want to be referred to and seen as. For example, if you go up to a cis lady and start making her out to be a man simply because she has short hair, she'd get offended, right? Same case with transgender people, if you start pointing at their chest or at a beard or something like that and start assigning an identity that doesn't align with who they are, they'd get offended for the same exact reason; because they are [insert gender] regardless of appearance.

Now, with that understood, I'll continue with this discussion of sexuality, mine specifically, and then move onto my gender and it's lack of conformity.

I'm bisexual; I'm attracted to all genders, all sexes, all everythings. In fact, more so than most people I know, I have a very diverse range of things I'm into and attracted to. But not every bisexual person is like that. Some bisexual people like only certain things and some only like specific genders. We all have our own different preferences and no two people will have the exact same sexuality; because we are all unique in what we like. And even in saying that for myself, this was a journey of discovery after spending years as asexual, then a lesbian, then a heterosexual man, then someone who used both straight and lesbian to describe by love of women as someone whose gender was indistinct and now as bisexual having now realised I do love men and other genders as well. All throughout this process, I was surrounded by a community, one I still feel very connected to and have some overlap with as well. It's interesting and beautiful how these people both differ from me and yet how also similar we still are, even now.

Sexualities are here, as terms, to help us find more people who are similar; to find solidarity in a shared experience. However, it isn't to find those exactly the same because, see, that just doesn't exist. That's why lesbian and gay can actually have some overlap, that's why woman and man aren't opposites, that's why gender isn't this "one or the other" thing; because experience is far too varied to ever be narrowed down to such a degree. It's always going to be general; an inexact estimate of similarities that more or less fit a vague definition.

My gender on the other hand? Now that's even more complicated. As I said before, most assume it's a "one or the other" deal, even with non binary in the mix, but the thing is that these terms are general; they are vague and can overlap. I'm a trans man, but I'm also non binary. I am a man, and sometimes I want to be perceived as the same as a cis man, but not always. This also is something that means I may fit under being gender fluid. However, on top of that, I am more often than not two or more things at once. I'm a man, but I also see myself as a butch lady at the same time. This also fits under the definition of being bigender. Yet, on top of that? There are also times when I just feel removed from gender identity as a thing all together. This also fits with agender.

Now, for those who may not be so familiar with all these terms I'm throwing around, I'm essentially saying my identity in regards to the question "are you a man or woman" or even "so are you neither" is very fluid, but it's also both and sometimes even neither or all of the above. The hard thing is this; we have this pre-established subconscious bias that these things are all opposites, that there's a definitive line that divides them. However, in my own experience, this just doesn't apply to everyone and especially not to me who struggles to know where I'd even begin to draw such a line for myself. Woman and man are simply not opposites to me because I am something that overlaps. I'm a man, 100%, not leaning or "a bit"; I am absolutely, entirely a boy. However, my gender would be something that shifts to the same as, say, a he/him lesbian that may not feel that they are a man per se. The difference is I'm both, and many lesbians and trans men do fit into that both category and have throughout history. Take Leslie Feinberg for instance, the author of Stone Butch Blues. Or the various other cases of butch lesbians and trans men overlapping in history or being mistaken for one another. There is a blurred region that can't be asked or told "oh but which are you" or even "so you're neither" because, at least in my case, I am both. I am 100% of both and it would be inaccurate and a lie to say I am neither, as much as it would be inaccurate or a lie to say I'm one of the other.

And you know what? It's okay if we don't understand what that means or where that fits. It's okay if all of what I said about myself has confused the living hell out of you. You don't need to understand me just like I don't need to understand you or anyone else to simply coexist and respect that we're going to have different preferences and views. I'll never know what it's like to be entirely in a binary, to be able to conform because I am simply unable to if I am to truely be myself and allow whatever that is to just exist. I also don't even necessarily have to understand it, as long I allow myself to exist.

I could honestly go on and on about sexuality, gender, romance, self identity and overall the value of finding community while also loving the value of one's own uniqueness, but I'll settle with this for now. All I'll say in regards to that is that this all also applies to being aromantic, demisexual, demigirl/boy, omnisexual, polysexual, xenogenders, pansexual and many, many other terms. These are all simply here to better understand ourselves and create more understanding of experiences that may no fit into other pre-existing terms. That's awesome and something to embrace. You don't even necessarily have to worry about understanding these or remembering them all. At the end of the day, these people are all simply fellow queers and define themselves in a range of both different or similar ways to the more well known sexualities and orientations, stretching back to heterosexuality and the norm of cisgender experiences. These are all simply terms to describe the differences between each of these lived experiences; all these different people in different terms aren't so different from you and you aren't so different to them.

But I digress, the point here is that regardless of gender or sexuality, nothing is set in stone and nothing can truly all be defined with one single definition. No matter how rigid the definition, no matter who is excluded or included, no matter how much it fits you or someone else, it won't fit everyone perfectly and there'll always be differences even within those labels. That's a fact of life and the beauty of it. It's part of why I am protective of the word queer and gay; a word that means different and a word that means happy. Because to live as truely to yourself as possible, enjoy the splendor of those little quirks and unique bits to yourself, to fall in love with yourself regardless of if you're the same or completely different or what or who you are? That's beautiful and wonderful. It's something to be proud of and celebrated. And it's something I wish for all of us to be able to one day appreciate; falling in love with ourselves and our unique existences.

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badedramay · 11 months

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Sorry imma couple of days late! Breakdown of the Kim and Daood scenes for this week please?

(heylo..I hope all is well at your end!)

It was a decent episode. not a LOT of KimDawood content but enough to know where they stand in this relationship. Dawood, bless that fool, said and didn't say a lot of words just to mean that he was jealous of Kim's relationship with Zulfi xD am I wrong to interpret this as jealousy? the man saw Kim, his would be wife, ditch her own mehendi ceremony to personally go invite Zulfi for her wedding. then he had to witness Kim fully disregard his "warning" to not step out of the house without being escorted by him. THEN he had to bear Kim defending Zulfi and being a-okay about Zulfi's financial condition and thus, again dismissing Dawood's so-called valid concern that Zulfi took her out for lunch at a sub-standard place. like...Kim has done more with/for Zulfi than she has done with/for Dawood and I can't imagine a desi mard like Dawood being okay with it. i am not saying he thinks there's anything illicit going on between the two but c'mon..Dawood most definitely IS jealous/insecure of Kim's proximity with Zulfi.

I really don't think Dawood won any rounds in this episode. Kim was throwing one bomb after another in the car ride afterwards. gotta say i LOVED how Maya acted in the scene. the insult Kim felt at being treated like an object by these two men..the rage she was feeling in that moment and trying her best to not let it get the best of her..the way her eyes were sparkling with tears but she didn't let them escape..it was just all so wonderfully portrayed and captured. Kim YET AGAIN exposed Dawood's hypocrisy that he is only concerned with imposing his decisions on his wife but doesn't spare the same energies on his father or brother because he KNOWS he has no control over them. no son can overrule his father's decisions. working elder brothers don't always have the energy to deal with unruly younger brothers beyond reprimanding them occasionally (but not investing any time to make sure the reprimands bear a positive change). but with Kim he keeps bringing up the "you're my wife" reminder because that, in his head, gives him a higher "authority" over her that he has seen happen all around him all his life. the whole "mard ki aurat pe bartari" logic that gets legitimized when a man and woman get married to each other. Kim, love of my life, firmly reminds him that his superiority BS won't work on her because she doesn't depend on him for security that she'd have no choice but to give in to his whims and demands as most of the women in marriages do.

I was thinking this other day and idk if I tweeted or posted about it but..Kim in her marriage with Dawood is a very clear example of how much patriarchy as a concept works solely on the oppression of women. you give women a decent amount of power and autonomy and a LOTTTT if not all of patriarchal concepts get shattered. Kim is not like Razia or Iqbal or Suraiya. her identity is not constantly tied or and defined by the relationship she shares with any men. her "liberal" way of living has given her the chance to own her agency. which is why she can stay mad at her father. which is why she can firmly make conditions of how she wants her marriage with Dawood to be. which is why she's the only one who can question Dada's rulings. because she isn't scared that offending any of these men will have an irreparable impact on HER life. Kim never crosses the boundary of respect or decency when she questions. she doesn't have to. she's just so highly secure in her life as just being KIM that she knows that if her justified questions fall on deaf ears and this environment she's living in becomes too suffocating for her..she can easily walk out and no one will have any power or authority over her to stop her. the thing is Kim is, so far, CHOOSING to stay here because there's still something here holding here. be it her growing feelings for Dawood or the companionship she's finding in Suraiya, Iqbal, and Zulfi. that's the mark of a relationship's beauty I feel. that a person, who has the choice to leave, CHOOSES to stay. not because they HAVE to but because they WANT to. i feel Kim, ultimately, would WANT to stay back. but for that to happen Dawood still has a LONG way to go.

Dawood is getting influenced by Kim at least enough for him to take the first step of standing up to Dada. yeah it's a weak step cuz his obedience (which is a flaw of his let's be real) doesn't allow him to counter-argue with Dada. Kim kardeti argue. but Dawood was silenced when Dada gave a very weak reasoning about why Suraiya wouldn't object to the marriage and why there's not even a NEED to ask for her marzi. "main uska Wali hoon..kuch gair-sharai' kaam nahin horaha". Again..patriarchy empowered through women's oppression. cuz the religion very STRICTLY says that the consent lies SOLELY on the individual in matters related to marriage. a no IS a no and no wali has the power to veto it.

the preview for next week is a little scary ngl. Kim has her heart in the right place but she doesn't have patience to deal with things without blowing up a few buildings along the way. although i must say TWICE In this episode she shielded Suraiya from unwanted interrogation so Kim is also learning the art of navigating complex situations. she's still a beginner though so she has a long way to go to perfect it xD i am happy that Suraiya's issue is out and there's no dragging it. also, I feel it's gonna be Dawood who'll ultimately take a step for his sister and fight for her right. and maybe that will be the catalyst for Kim truly falling for him. oh she KNOWS she's attracted to him and she isn't entirely unhappy with him but Dawood's tendency to stay silent in matters that demand him to speak up make Kim not really respect him. she's always lowkey mad at him for not refusing to the marriage when he KNEW he didn't like her. she's now highkey mad that he's not fighting for her sister's right to marry the guy of her choice. if the show truly intends to show via Dawood&Kim's relationship of how these two people from two completely different worlds can come together and learn from each other to make lay foundation of a whole new world where both their previous worlds can peacefully coexist..NOW is the best time to show that.

P.S - how freakin' glorious was Kim being all "ab main itni achi bhi nahin hoon ke apki har baat manun." to Razia xD the way I laughed! i love love LOVEEE whenever Maya does these cheeky scenes. there's this innocence in her sass that's never badtameez. gaaah Kim has really become my top3 fav Maya Ali characters and the show isn't over yet! nazar na lag jaye bass!!

#yunhi #type: opinion #pakistani drama

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sizzlingpatrolfox · 10 months

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do you think its ageist/sexist to find it uncomfortable when jikook shippers are in their 40s+ and have husbands and kids? i just feel like if they were truly satisfied with their relationship they wouldn't be living vicariously through 2 guys in their 20s (i know they would deny this but that's literally the psychological underpinning of shipping). like i get older women have hobbies and can still be in fandoms thats fine, but the shipping seems to be coming from a kind of sad/creepy place. especially because they're 20 years or so older than jimin and jungkook but constantly talking about how attractive they find them

for younger women shipping can be very unhealthy too of course but it makes more sense for them to be living out their relationship fantasies through celebrities because most young women haven't found a long term partner yet

Sexism for me is a really serious issue. It really doesn't matter if a woman gets called dumb because they like a ship as long as they can vote and go to school and aren't confined to a hut when they're menstruating because their culture deems them unworthy if they bleed. There are extremely difficult and serious issues women face as to consider calling middle class Becky "hag" as misogyny.

Same goes for age. I'm sorry if you feel offended that someone said you can't be shipping men at your big age. Kim, there's people dying. It's not a big deal. I've told I was too grown for some things and I really dgaf. So I can't feel empathy for someone who gets sad because someone told them they're old to be part of boraland.

I'm young, but not so young. Sometimes I even get uncomfortable at myself for still liking a celebrity so much. Likewise, I do get uncomfortable and think it's interesting (for lack of a better word) the amount of adult women in shipping spaces. The craziest thing is... they're always the most delusional ones, the ones with the theories and the analyses. 90% of them are straight women, too. I'm not saying this because of jikookers only but of course taekookers, and larries too. I was in the larry/one direction fandom, and the "big blogs", the most known shippers, they were all well above 30 or even 50 years old. It's literally the same with the few "big" jikookers and taekookers bloggers/twitter users that I know.

I think there's a lot of misconceptions and misunderstandings that have to do with culture changes. I mean, there are as many types of relationships as there are people in the world. From what I've seen, the forms of friendship that we see from kpop idols, are very different from what male friendship looks like in the US. I'm from LATAM, and a lot of the friendship I see between kpop idols is the same or very similar to the forms of friendship in my country. I also went to an all girls school all of my life, and the skinship and familiarity you develop with people of the same gender in environments like those (say, school/trainee life) are very different from other environments. So I've been hardly shocked with the things I've seen in BTS and kpop in general.

Adding to the current differences in cultures, there's the difference that comes with time. A relationship in the 1950s does not look the same as relationships look like now. A friendship in the 1950s doesn't look the same either. Men and women in general act so much different than they did 40, 50 years ago. I once told my mom something about vaginas that I had been talking with my female friend and she was surprised and told me "when I was your age, we didn't talk with friends about that stuff, we didn't even know that part of the body existed".

What I mean is, sometimes I see shippers talk about Jungkook grabbing Jimin's ass like it's something straight out of porn when it's literally just guys being guys. Or when people were screaming GAYYY at the fact that Taehyung tried to go to pee with Jimin. I would literally bet my entire right arm that they've all seen each other naked. I'm 28 too and my friend still pees with the bathroom door wide open even when I'm at her place.

This isn't to confirm or deny any ship, but it's something I do wonder about a lot. If a lot of the conviction some older women have about ships, has maybe something to do with them being easily impressionable with young people's relationships. I personally have family members that work with people half their age, and my family is constantly SHOCKED by the things the younger ones do and say. Because it's just relationship dynamics that my 45 year old aunt didn't know or experienced.

There's also the fact that "I've been married since 1970" shippers are the only ones who are so adamant that yxz ship is in a long term relationship. And I'm like... of course if a long term relationship is everything you've ever known, that is the only thing you will see because you just wouldn't recognize anything else. I've talked about it before, but I personally think the assessments of someone's who's been out in the world and has had many different types of relationships are actually more valid than the opinion of someone who's been married for the past 40 years. Times have changed. There's no way I'm ever asking for love advice from my mom, for example. I'm sure she wouldn't understand half of my relationships.

I don't like using personal experiences because I'm just one single person in the whole wide world, and my experiences aren't really statistically valuable in the grand scheme of things, but in this case I'm using examples just for the sole purpose of saying "this stuff happens".

On the other hand, something I've always thought about and is actually some sort of self criticism too is.. why male ships? Why is it always that women are shipping MEN? Okay, straight women of course wouldn't think of two girls having sex because they're obviously not interested and the idea doesn't excited them at all. They like men so men having sex is something they actually want to think about.

But even lesbians and bisexual women all ship men instead of maybe just... look for female couples? It's why I never believed people when they say they seek "representation" in jikook or other gay ships. You are a lesbian, girl. Find lesbians to represent you, not men that you believe could be queer. We're not even talking about men that are out lmao, because if they were out queer men that loudly advocate for queer people, then that's a different story.

I think this brings into light too the fact that (something I've talked about before too), a lot of female shippers don't actually have any idea of what male friendships look like. Everything is romantic, everything is sexual and everything is gay to them because two men do it. But if they were to see the exact same action between two girls, it would just be girls being girls. I say it's a self criticism thing too because I've always been aware of that. I could see two girls holding each other boobs and I wouldn't even blink. But I know when men do stuff like that it comes across as more shocking. And I think that's precisely the reason why it's always male ships, why even lesbians and whatnot don't think twice about other women's relationships. Because they know in depth about women's boundaries with each other, they understand female relationships better and they have also experienced lots of skinship with other women that wasn't romantic, even if it was intimate. But their understanding of men falls short and so everything is exaggerated and blown out of proportion simply because it's unknown or unseen for a lot of women.

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silverfoxlou · 2 years

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Hi. I'm sorry if this is offensive I just have been here for so long and right now it feels like Louis does all the larry stuff genuinely whereas Harry's is just using us to idk .... keep another one of his narrations going ?Like just because he is Harry and we know him we let so many things he does slide. How do you excuse a white privileged cis het man saying "I wrote boyfriends from a women's perspective..." like who do you think you are to tell me what I relate to or what our struggle dealing with boyfriends is? that's no excuse?? Not when your interviewer actively keeps excluding even the notion of it being about the same gender .... and please it was obviously scripted to an extent. And this isn't the only thing either .... I don't know kinda feel like Louis doesn't really deserve H. Please answer if you'd like... I really wanna hear what you think about this ... because every person in this Fandom is so close minded

Hi anon,

I got your other ask so I'll answer this now.... and there's a lot to unpack here.

First of all. I am definitely NOT a larrie - honestly a little offended that you could look at my blog and think that.

The problem here seems to be that you're operating under the assumption that there's no way Louis and Harry aren't together. There aren't a million things that point to them being together.... these two men could not be more different from each other if you tried. Just look at how they approach their fans, music and music history, and even the pandemic. It's unlikely that they're even friends or that they've seen each other over the past few years. Everything larries believe that points towards them "still being together" comes from twisting the facts to fit a narrative, or extending headcanons from 2012 to fit the personalities of two men that are now a decade older. Like they're not going to still be together because of something one of them might have said 8 years ago. Because, uh, break ups do happen.

So there's no "larry stuff that Louis does genuinely" because there is no Larry. You're right in thinking that Harry is definitely baiting the fans because he knows he needs them around to defend him against the misogyny and queerbaiting. And it's all a calculated marketing tactic that his label brags about - they've now twice openly admitted to tracking fan behaviour and adjusting their promo accordingly bust some fans still want to believe that Harry is communicating with them. (Also there is a massive flaw in the logic here - the Sony/management approved promo allowed him to signal stuff related to Louis... but they're also the ones shutting him down and not letting him come out and be with Louis openly? You do see how if he is actually signalling Louis... it's just more carefully planned promo to play all sides).

If Louis does do any "larry stuff" that's not just larries reaching or pure coincidence.. it's also a cynical attempt to bait the fans into supporting him (and if this is the case, while it would leave a sour taste in my mouth... I get why and he deserves to take fans that have made his life hell for 10+ years for a ride for their money and the numbers they can provide).

"Like just because he is Harry and we know him we let so many things he does slide" But do you actually know him? I barely know anything about this promo run except for scattered quotes here and there that I looked at to poke fun at him... but from what I've gathered, everything he says is contradictory to what he does. And he *is* just a privileged asshole (the man threw himself a pity party about finally being able to sit down with a coffee... during a pandemic when thousands of people were (and are still) dying daily). The idea that fans "know" him just because they've been a fan for a long time is hilarious. Not only because people can change over time to become bad people... but because in Harry's case, looking at his actions now you can see that he's always fundamentally been this person - jealous, anxious, and self-serving. The only people excusing his actions are people who don't really care about having morals and separating right from wrong- they just want to be his fan, but know deep down that he's a horrible person with no talent whatsoever but they have to justify it to themselves somehow.

I'm taking your statement of "Louis doesn't really deserve H" to mean you think Louis deserves someone better. Which, yes. It's an insult to Louis to think he would still be with Harry. No matter what way you look at it, any relationship between the two of them now would come with a huge power imbalance and would be quite toxic.

So uh, long story short - fans don't know Harry and if he sounds like an asshole, acts like an asshole, and is surrounded by people who are assholes... well. And Louis, despite some his flaws, is a fundamentally good person who deserves fans who support and love only him, and don't keep making his life and career harder by tying to him to a relationship (real or not) that has been used against him since he was 19.

And it's okay to drop Harry and larry and just support Louis and his music. I'll encourage it even.

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reddiscourse · 1 year

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this is how you sound

"I'm sorry if I get heavily offended and insulting when a male says that they identify as a woman. It's not like I'm surrounded with sexist and misogynistic micoagressions every day. It's not like men harass women for their appearance. It's not like there r so many male misogynists making fun and over exaggerate "mimicking" female stereotypes . /sarc

Yes, I see "transWoman" as fetishising, sexist, and a crude mockery."

TERF rhetoric. As I said, you can't exclude trace people without recycling terf rhetoric

A few things.

1. I am a man, thus I have no connection to being a woman. I see nothing wrong with identifying as either man or female no matter your AGAB, as that is not the same as diaracial.

2. If you wanted to hit home with me, you could've edited to be "I'm sorry if I get heavily offended when a female (really? "A male?" How insulting is that? "A female" is just as insulting) says that they identify as a man (I literally could care less). It's not like I'm surrounded by toxic masculinity and manly stereotypes every day. It's not like women treat men like the scum of the earth because "every man is the same." It's not like there are people who believe that to make the sexism they face valid they have to tear down the other gender." Which still, wouldn't change how I feel about the situation. Transgender is not the issue, diaracial is.

3. White women will have more privilege than a black man. A white gay man will have more privilege than a gay Asian man. A white transwoman will have more privilege than a native transwoman. Gender is a large barrier between privilege or not, and that privilege is further divided up by race. White people are not perfect, they face their rounds of insults and stereotypes for being white, but that doesn't stop the fact that they have more privilege nonetheless. Men face our rounds of insults and stereotypes for being men, but that doesn't stop the fact that we do have more privilege. This level of privilege is unjust, but it is still there.

3a. This is not me saying that only white people can be diaracial. This is me stating a rew facts about racism and sexism. You cannot compare race and gender. Race and gender can play hand in hand, ie, a woman of colour. A woman of colour will face more oppression than the men of their race. Women of colour will also face more oppression than women who have more racial privilege. A person of any race can be racist. People of a race can be racist towards people of their own race. Men can be pro-toxic masculinity. Women can be anti-feminist. Etc.

4. Race can come connected to culture, religion, politics, history, racism, nationality, etc. There is no "women culture" or "men culture"- and if there is, there's a high possibility that they are gendered stereotypes. Racial and ethnic culture is important. It's a connection to your history, where you come from, how people like you celebrate, foods of high intense flavour. You can appreciate a country, their religion and culture, without bastardising it. If you are not born with a connection and/or raised with a connection, that is not your connection to speak on, or speak over, or speak as.

My gender is something that pretty much anyone has the ability to experience. My race and culture is not.

Edit: The fact that you are trying to make me pro-diaracial because I see no problem with being a transgender person is a manipulation tactic BTW. "You support x so you have to support y or else you don't really support x" is a manipulation tactic. The fact that you need to defend diaracial/transid in that way says something; you can only get non-diaracial people to support diaracial's appropriation of their race through manipulating them. Do better. Saying someome is "recycling an argument" is not an argument or a statement. If you believe I am recycling an argument recycle the counter-argument in return.

#anti transid #anti transrace #anti transx #anti diaracial #transrace discourse #anti transracial

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rougekithes · 9 months

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I just learned about a twitter post from a really really old TV show on a governmental TV station during pride month. Can't stop being mad at people again.

Sorry not sorry for the long post. I'd put it under a cut usually but I don't feel like doing it for something like that.

"How beautiful/nice, that you exist."

For context, "Die Maus" (The Mouse) is a child friendly educational thing, that is running for GOD knows how long, every sunday at like 12pm.

And as expected, the homo- and transphobes came in swarms, because said TV station is legally bound to political objectivity.

So now people claim how this isn't politically objective and how the entire Queer-Community is sexualising young children with things like these.

But like first of all, human rights are not a political opinion. It's literally the first two articles of our constituion.

Article 1 [Human dignity – Human rights] (1) Human dignity shall be inviolable. To respect and protect it shall be the duty of all state authority. (2) The German people therefore acknowledge inviolable and inalienable human rights as the basis of every community, of peace and of justice in the world.

Article 2 [Personal freedoms] (1) Every person shall have the right to free development of their personality insofar as they do not violate the rights of others or offend against the constitutional order or the moral law.

We're not asking to be allowed to have massive orgies in malls and therefore infringe on your personal freedom by forcing you to watch, we're asking to be treated with respect and have the same oppotrunities as the heteronormative society.

And the other part is;

Translation: "Have you noticed/learned what this flag means? Do you think this is appropriate? This is sexualisation of young children with the goal of normalising pedophilia. Congratulations, you went broke."

Dear Sylwie, no one is trying to normalise pedophilia. Being a pedo doesn't make you gay and being gay doesn't make you a pedo. None of us thinks pedophilia should be treated the same way as homosexuality. Studies have shown, that there's more male pedophiles than female ones, but it is unclear which sex the primary victim of pedophiles is. However, the general trend says that girls are more often the victim of sexual violence. I mention this, because a lot of sexual violence against children is not perpetuated by pedos but instead people who simply seek the easist victim, which unfortunately, are children. So while I'd usually say correlation =/= causation, I can't even say there's a correlation here. Which you know, makes sense. Being a horrible human being has nothing to do with your sexual orientation. Being a horrible person is not exclusive to one gender/sex/race/religion or whatever. Regarding the "sexualisation of children"....

Translation: "We can't begin to sexualise children early enough. Thanks Mouse!"

Teaching children about gay and trans people is not fucking sexualising children. Please, someone teach conservatives on twitter what sexualising children means. Please, please teach them that when they say "they sexualise our children" they're claiming we somehow see children as sexually desirable people, objectifying them if you will. Literally not a single person who wants to teach children "Some men love other men and some women love other women" or "Some boys really don't like being boys and choose to grow up as a girl" or even just "some boys want to wear dresses and some girls like to play with "boy's toys" " is sexualising a child. No one attributes children with sexuality. I'm gonna make a huge assumption here, but I highly doubt that people who are pro "teach kids about queer things" are asking "teach children how two adult men have anal sex and how docking works.".

I'd argue teaching kids more than that or more than the bees and the birds is probably a great start too, just so you know, children can learn about and set boundaries and can actually properly express themselves in case something inappropriate happened to them. - But that's a whole different topic and doesn't really have to do with LGBTQI+ spaces.

Fun fact; Die Maus has always been a queer icon. It never had a gender and was shown in very feminine dresses as well as masculine swimming trunks and similar things when the situation called for it. <3

#rouge: chit chat #tw pedophila mention

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clairecrive · 3 years

Note

Billy idea that I have no time to write myself loool: reader and Billy are friends with benefits. Reader is happy with the arrangement and knows Billy is sleeping with other women but she doesn't care. It's not serious with them. Billy however hadn't really thought about Reader sleeping with other people and he finds out. Maybe from friends (Frank, Curtis and Karen because hello AU) or maybe all of them are out at a bar and he sees her go home with someone else? But he gets suuuuper jealous about it and realises he wants more. I'll leave it up to you if Reader wants more too. Angsty jealous Billy though, am I right? Lmaooo (this is faulty-coding btw, hello 🖤)

"Commitment"

A/N: omg hi! I love your work so much I feel incredibly honoured that you chose me for this request! I hope you like it x This is also for this anon, I've combined the two requests since they were similar.

Warnings: angst, jealousy, slut-shaming, hurt-comfort, smut at the end

Word count: 3K +

Tags:@blackst0nes7077, @thefictionalgemini, @tarkanelima-blog

@pansysgirlfriend, @acciorudolphx @supernaturalcat7, @crazyclownchick (I don't know why it won't let me tag you)

To add yourself to my taglist, fill in this form.

NAVIGATION PAGE

"Hey, stranger." A familiar voice and then his familiar touch on your back before he sat in front of you.

"Hi, Billy."

"it's been a while," he mentioned casually while his eyes took you in.

It had been more than a while, actually. Last time you saw Billy had been over a week ago. Well, you hadn't really seen him, that was the problem.

Ever since you had started your "agreement" you'd drop by his office from time to time to surprise him. He had told you that he deeply enjoyed office sex while you had never had it. Needless to say, it soon became one of your favourite things.

And that was why that day, you were at Anvil. You hadn't told Billy that you were coming. It wouldn't have been a surprise then, would it? However, when you stepped in front of his door, just one touch away from opening it, you heard it.

Well, heard her actually.

It was Billy that ended up surprising you that day. You usually loved surprises but that one you would have gladly skipped.

Although it had taken you most of a week to come to this realisation, you realized that it was actually a good thing to happen. The thing you had with Billy wasn't labelled. It was fun but it wasn't serious. Despite the fact that you were friends and hang out with the same group, you had never committed to each other.

And you were honestly fine with it. You enjoyed your time with Billy, outside and under the sheets.

It had been months though and you hadn't wanted to acknowledge it but it wasn't enough anymore. Billy's role in your life was ambiguous. He was your friend sure, but one you'd have sex with. He wasn't your boyfriend but he was the one you'd spend the most of your time with, the one with whom you were intimate.

You wanted more, you realized. Enough with these half measures.

Billy will understand, you told yourself. He inwardly made it clear where he stands. Time to broaden your horizons.

And, as matter of fact, you had. It was true that the ocean is full of fish but you hadn't had a lot of luck with them before. Sure, Jake was nice. He was polite and nice. An overall good guy.

He was just lacking a... je ne sais quoi that made you unsure about it. But you were willing to give him a chance and so you kept going on dates with him.

Needless to say, you hadn't spoken to Billy since that impromptu visit to his office.

"Been busy," you offered him taking a sip of your beer. It was a lame excuse but you couldn't care less. Karen offered you some appetizers. You stared at them for a bit before shaking your head refusing them. Ignoring Karen's questioning look, you took another sip.

"Yeah, she's been busy alright." Frank's low chuckle came from the other end of the table.

"Meaning?" Billy asked, now curious about the implication seeing how your cheeks had suddenly turned red.

"She met someone," Karen chirped in, winking in your direction.

Mentally facepalming you, you swore them off. It wasn't the way you wanted Billy to find out. Not that you cared what he thought since he couldn't be bothered to be as transparent with you, but still. You hated being put on the spot.

"Has she now?" Billy's eyebrow arched and he gave you an amused look. But his jaw clenched and that gave him away.

"Not that it's any of your business. But yes, I have. His name's Jake, he's a nice guy." You explained briefly, ignoring the intensity of his stare.

"So you're that kind of person then." Leaning over the table, his voice took an edge he had never directed at you. "Ditching her friends as soon as she meets a guy?"

"You know that's not true." Narrowing your eyes at him you were almost offended by his institution if it wasn't for the fact that you knew that it was his bruised ego speaking.

"Tell that to my many unanswered calls on your phone."

"That's not on Jake," you scoffed taking a sip. His eyebrow arched while his hands gestured to you as if to say "do tell".

"Let's just say that I saw firsthand just how busy you keep yourself when I'm not around." You tried to keep the bitterness out of your voice, you really did. But without success.

Billy's lips pursed in thought. You had no doubt that he had an inkling about what you meant but he couldn't figure out to what exactly you were referring to.

"So is this what it is? You being petty because I've been with someone else?"

"That's me wanting more for myself and taking it."

"If you were that insatiable, y/n, you should have just told me."

"Stop making me sound like a slut, Billy. That is not what this is about."

"Isn't it? Because that's exactly what this looks like to me."

Pursing your lips, you refused to show him just how much he had hurt you. Nodding your head you decided that you'd had enough. You did not have to sit here and take his bullshit.

"You know, Billy. Slut-shaming isn't a good look on you." Waving to your friends, you quickly told them that you had to go. An emergency you said. But they knew better, their eyes fixed on Billy as he watched you walk out of the bar. Hands tightening around the bottle of beer he had ordered, he stood up once you disappeared amongst the crowd.

Without bothering to explain himself to the group, he simply followed you outside.

"Y/n." He called your name once he saw that you were already a bit far from the bar. In a couple of quick strides, Billy had gotten to you since you had slowed down.

"Go away, Billy." you didn't bother to look at him.

"Wait, wait," he said gently taking hold of your arm to get you to stop. And you did but stared at his hand on you until he dropped it and took a step back. "Look I'm sorry, I was an asshole." he apologised.

You only nodded to show him that you understood him but didn't offer any words to assure him that you forgave him.

"And I'm sorry you had to find out about Madani that way." He added hoping to make things right between you.

"Don't worry, it was actually an awakening for me." You added briefly looking at him. Tone harsh and unapologetic. You were still too mad at him to care about being considerate of your voice.

"Really?"

"Yeah, it made me realize that this," you gestured between the two of you, "was not working out for me."

"Oh really?" now the word had lost every tint of disbelief it had before. It was more like he was challenging you. Like he didn't quite believe you.

"Yes." you stood your ground pushing your shoulders back, "I figured out that I want more. And I know that I'm not going to get that from you."

"It was good while it lasted though," you called over your shoulders as you turned, ready to get the hell away from him. But the words he said though, made you halt on your feet.

"Who said you're not going to get that with me?"

"That would require feeling something for me other than lust, Billy." you snicked not fully turning around to face him, just your head.

"Who says I don't?"

"Madani, maybe?"

"She doesn't mean anything, y/n." He scoffed rolling his eyes.

"Of course you'd say something like this, Billy. Doesn't help though." As if him admitting to having meaningless sex with other women could help his case. Men. Fully done with this conversation you gave him one last look before turning away again.

"I know why you didn't eat those appetizers before." Again, after a few steps, his voice made you stop. This time, the implication of what he meant, sat heavily on your shoulders making you tense. Still, you didn't turn around.

That didn't deter him though.

"I know that you love them but they remind you of your grandfather. He used to make sure there would always be some of those at home whenever you went to visit him. And I know you haven't eaten them since-"

He stopped when your head whipping to him, eyes glaring.

He was right. You knew it, he knew it. But him strumentalising your beloved grandfather's death to get through to you? That was low, even for Billy.

Not only it called for you to acknowledge out loud that your grandfather wasn't there anymore but it also surprised you because you didn't think anyone would notice something so small.

"What are you saying, Billy?" Eyes glossy, like everything someone mentioned him, you tried your best to not let your voice waver.

"What I'm saying is that I care about you, y/n. I care enough to notice things. The tiniest details that you don't even know are there. Like that every time you're reading and something bad happens, you press your hand on your chest over your heart, as if you wanted to stop the pain from coming or something. Or that you always cook whenever you miss your family even if you never say it out loud. Or-"

"I get it Billy." you raised a hand to stop him. "You're observant. I knew that. That's basically what you do for a living. Not counting that you're a fucking sniper."

"Maybe," he conceded slowly taking a step in your direction, "I notice things, that's true. That doesn't mean that I store them in my mind, though."

"I care about you, y/n. A great deal. Enough to notice all the little things that make you you and enough to memorize them."

"I don't know if I can believe you, Billy. If you cared you wouldn't be going around sleeping with other women. And I know-" you added when you saw his mouth open to protest- " I know that technically we weren't together but still Billy. A technicality is not going to earn you my trust." Shrugging your shoulders you opted for being honest with him. You had never lied to him and you certainly weren't going to start now. Billy had never lied to you either, not that you were aware. And even if this thought should have reassured you, you were still hesitant about believing him.

"Then give me a chance to do so. Let me prove to you just how much I care about you and how little I care about everything else." He insisted, taking another step and then another until he was in front of you. Hands on your jaw, he delicately craned your neck so that your eyes could meet.

The height difference had always been a reason for jokes among you. It was no secret that Billy had a slight size kink, at least not to you, and so more often than not he'd use that.

Thumb slowly caressing your jaw, his eyes flickered between yours. They were full of hope, of promises but there was also a lot of vulnerability. Billy was not the type to be so forthcoming about his feelings. The fact that he had been with you, on a side street nonetheless, was a demonstration on its own.

Sighing, you knew you needed to decide. Yes, hearing Billy having sex with another woman had hurt you but you were not together. While that didn't make it hurt any less, it made the situation slightly less grave. He hadn't cheated on you, not really. You hadn't told him you wanted more. Hell, before that you didn't even know that you wanted more.

And now that you knew, now that he knew as well, here he was promising it to you. He wanted to give you exactly what you wanted. So could you really say no to him?

Of course not.

"Alright."

"Yeah?" a big smile grew on his face, his eyes twinkling in joy.

"Yeah, I'm going to give you a chance. Only one, Billy. So you better not mess this up." Poking his chest with a finger you warned him that this time around, things were going to be different.

"You're not going to regret that, babe." His eyes held a solemn promise. Just briefly though because soon, they were back to their usual mischief. Billy leaned to you, his lips meeting yours in a small kiss.

At first.

He kissed you soundly, his mouth perfectly on yours, building his tempo slowly. Then, you felt his tongue on your lower lip and you knew that things were about to escalate quickly.

Not that you minded of course, but it was not appropriate to do what you had in mind in the middle of the street.

"Billy," you moaned slightly leaning back to warn him that you couldn't get too carried away.

"Call that Jim guy," his mouth peppered small kisses along your jaw, "tell him that it's over. That he never stood a chance," he moved down on your neck.

"Yes."

"Let's go home so that I can show you how much more I can give you."His mouth had trailed back up and stopped so that it was hovering over your ear. His voice was low and breathy and husky and fuck it sent a wave of pleasure right in between your legs.

------

No sooner had you stepped over your threshold than Billy's hands were on you. The door barely closed, he pushed you against it. His hands cradled your face, effectively keeping you holding you in place while his mouth ravished you.

You gladly let him do as he pleased. Mouth opening to welcome his tongue while your hands gripped his jacket to keep you steady.

"Billy," you whimpered his name as his lips left yours. You tried to follow them by getting on your tiptoes but he didn't let you. Chuckling, he gave you another small kiss.

"Yes. Remember that it's me that it's making you feel this good. Me. Not Jim or whatever his name is, not anyone else. Me." He growled on your lips while one of his hands gripped the hair at the nape of your neck making you gasp.

Staring at his glowing dark pits you couldn't do anything other than nodding feverishly. You were at his mercy. Completely. And Billy knew that and it did nothing but please him to no end.

You'd always enjoyed whenever Billy was rough with you but him being jealous and kinda possessive too? Game changer.

Smirking at your reaction, his hands moved lower on your body until they hatched behind your knees pulling you up. Biting your lower lip, he swallowed your whimper for the friction once you wrapped your legs around his waist.

Billy didn't waste any more time, in quick long strides he was in your bedroom and threw you on the bed. You'd almost giggled when you bounced on it if it wasn't for the savage look in Billy's eyes.

Fuck, he looked so sexy. A sin.

For a moment, he just stared at you laid there waiting for him. A hand quickly wiped his face before he unbuckled his pants. Now it was your turn to stare at him. More like ogle but you knew he didn't mind.

Shedding his pants, he crawled over you until his face levelled yours.

"I'm going to give you exactly what you want. And then some more." He promised, nipping your earlobe. "You're never going to feel the need to look for other guys."

"There's no one else I'd rather be with, Billy."

Your hands trailed over his still clothed back before tangling his always perfectly styled hair. "Only you." You whispered in his ear.

If it wasn't for your hand on his back, you would have missed him tensing. "Say it again," he demanded, his head still in the crook of your neck.

"You're the only one I want, Billy." You repeated knowing fully well how he struggled with accepting love and affection. This meant to him just as much as it did to you. He was giving you the promise of commitment but so were you. And despite the fact that you had already been loyal to him, you knew how important it was for him to hear the words.

"There's no one else for me either, y/n. Never was, never will be." He raised his head to say this. It was a confirmation, yes, but it also felt so much more coming from him.

He had been telling you how much he cared about you since you left the bar but somehow, him saying it again now held more meaning.

"You promise?"

You felt childish and it was probably pathetic of you to ask him again. But this was you being vulnerable, letting him know that you needed him. And you trusted Billy.

"You're mine." He said instead. One of his hands coming to cradle the back of your head while the other closed around your right breast.

"And I'm yours."

And here it was, the promise, the reassurance you needed. His lips met yours in a bruising kiss. It was wet and more teeth and tongue than anything but it was passionate. You were claiming each other.

Not separating your lips, he used his hands to get rid of your clothes. While he unbuckled your pants, you took his shirt off. Him doing the same with yours while you pushed his brief down on his legs.

Once you were completely naked, Billy crawled back over you. His hands resting at the sides of your head. He was everywhere. You could feel him between your legs, your arms wrapped around his back, your vision field occupied by his beautiful face.

He was everywhere, he was everything.

"And now, I'm going to leave no room for doubt in your mind anymore." He whispered on your lips, his cock rubbing over your slit teasing you about what was to come.

You had asked him for a commitment and fuck if he didn't commit to it. All night long.

#billy russo #billy russo x reader #billy russo imagine #billy russo x you #billy russo x y/n #billy russo imagines #billy russo fic #billy russo one shot #billy russo angst #billy russo fluff #billy russo smut #the punisher #punisher

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nightswithkookmin · 3 years

Text

I hate it here

Why does he get to appropriate people's race and still have so much access??

I thought impersonation was a crime.

I thought stealing someone's identity was a crime. How is he walking around Freely and taking pictures with hot chicks?😒

THAT SHOULD BE ME😭😭😭

If he is profiting off of his looks he needs to be sued by Hybe IMMEDIATELY.

HYBE SHOULD HIRE ME - If they can over look my gossipy nature and the fact they really can't trust me with any company secrets plus I'll spend all my time staring at Jikook and simping for YoonminhopeJoon🙂

Bapsae aaahhhhh 😏😏😏

To answer your question Barbara, you are not the only confused one when it comes to these labels. We all are.

A lot of people use Bi these days instead of Pan because people find the term Pansexuality confusing and offensive so....

Strange times.

Offensive because some people in the Bi community feel it's a redundant term as to them it means the same as Bisexuality. As such they feel the use of Pansexuality is erasure and invalidating of their own identity.

From what I understand of this ongoing label wars in the community, those who get offended by Pansexuality do so mostly because they do not view trans identity as a seperate unique gender in of it's own but merely as an adjective.

To such, there is no thing as cis boy or trans boy and that a boy is a boy. So being Bi to them means they are attracted to boys( cis or trans) and girls (regardless of whether they are cis or trans)- which is what Pansexuality actually is💀

Here in lies the conflict. Cis women and some people, myself included, see trans identity as a seperate gender identity from cis identity and differentiates between a biological Male or female and a trans Male or female.

As such a boy is not a boy, a boy is either cis boy or trans boy and both are valid.

This distinction is what mostly sets bisexuality from pan sexuality from my point of view.

It's disheartening. Not to mention anxiety inducing and confusing as hell when we can't even agree on basic terms to describe ourselves.

I don't know how conscious BTS are of these conversations and so I've always viewed their use of labels such as boy/girl in their lyrics with utmost fascination given as there are trans genders within their community.

I often find myself wondering what Joonie means when he talks of girls- does he mean cis girls or trans girls? Would he date either or both?

Personally, I view Trans identity as a valid, separate unique form of identity, unique from Cis identity and not just as an epithet.

I date and definitely find trans girls romantically and sexually attractive especially if there's minimum trace of their cis masculinity in them.

But I have friends who identify as lesbians but wouldn't date trans girls regardless of how they present. Yet they wouldn't mind dating a stud or Masculine presenting females as long as they are Cis girls. Talk of transphobia💀

Some girls call me Bi because I like cis and other fems and I'm perfectly fine with it. However embracing that label in Male spaces gives me a lot of headaches because they just assume I'd date any man too.

I have dated fem tops (girly girls who like to be the dominant one in relationships and also prefer to penetrate other girls during sex) who identify as lesbians but have threesomes with gay men💀

I mean as long as they get to fuck those men or penetrate/ top them or so they say and yes I've seen it happen with my two eyes- I have gay threesomes don't judge or tell my pastor😥

I'm going to hell as it is no need to compound it🤧

My ex was like that. She dated a gay guy she was topping and was gonna marry him because her family was pressuring her to get married. The dude was closeted and their relationship was convenient until he came out and lowkey outed her in the process.

When I asked her if she was bisexual she said she didn't have a label because none suited her at the time and that she likes girls regardless of how those girls identify as. So a femboi, andro, trans girls, cis girls, straight girls, gay girls, as long as you feminine she likes.

I'm a bit like that too... minus the topping fembois and gays part💀

If I had a dick it would be useless 🤣

I say all this to say, labels are a bit tricky and a lot of people struggle to find the right fit.

Gay or queer is our go to label.

For the sake of the conversation we having, I'd define being Bi as liking your own gender plus the opposite of your gender but in an exclusive way. Being Bi also means the gender of a person matters to you in your determination of what you find attractive.

However being Pan means you place less emphasis on the gender of the person you are attracted to and more emphasis on the qualities those people possess- really doesn't matter what the other person is if you like em you like em. Which means a person don't gotta be cis or trans boy or girl or other for you to like them. They just have to have a certain quality you find attractive.

Just like you said, you being a girl find gurls attractive too but I don't think you'd be willing to date a girl- cis or trans- a person has to be Male for you to date them. Right?

That exclusivity is what makes you straight. You like one gender to the exclusion of others.

Gays and lesbians like one gender, the same gender, to the exclusion of others.

Bisexuals may like multiple genders, different genders, to the exclusion of others.

Pansexuals like multiple genders but not to the exclusion of others.

If Gender is important to you in determining who a suitable romantic partner is you are either Straight or Bi. If gender is not important to your determination of who a suitable partner is then you're pansexual.

Pansexuals are gender blind🤣

If Pansexuals are bisexuals, there should be a label for the category currently viewed as bisexuals.

When Suga says " I look at personality and it's not limited to girls" I believe he's talking about the qualities he finds attractive in PEOPLE.

When he sings boy or girl my tongue technology will send you to hongkong it carries a similar sentiment. He's saying basically it doesn't matter what you identify as he can make you orgasm under his- rap?

That's pan energy to me. You go pan Suga! BAPSAE AAAHHH🤭

IF he were queer then I'd assume he's more likely to be pan not bi- hypocritically speaking.

But he is NOT QUEER.

SOPE YOONMIN AND ANYSHIP INVOLVING SUGA IS NOT REAL or even likely to be.

Since we are both men, how can my heart throb for a man. This implies he believes his heart only has to throb for the opposite sex. Yea no he is definitely not bi.

Straight as an arrow this one.

He doesn't find men sexually or romantically attractive. He is not gay or bi and I don't think he wants to be.

I assume he's straight. I do.

And as a straight dude, he's certainly intriguing and I can see how certain actions of his make people queer read him especially in his dominant ships Sope and Yoonmin and Taegi.

But I don't think he goes out of his way to queer code himself.

And I see what you mean by the exaggerated speech. Rappers do trash talk, boast and talk shit in their music but they are also notoriously homophobic with the exception of a few. References of queerness in their lyrics are usually often used pejoratively to slur other rappers etc.

May be I'm too black, gay, and a woman to overlook the misogyny and homophobia that's traveled through Black American hip pop to elsewhere even if it takes on new family friendly labels such as Kpop or BTS.

I don't tend to read hiphop lyrics through non cis non straight non male lens. Unless of course it's from a queer artist but even that there's almost always something internalized.

It's fascinating how people look at a hip hop artist and glean their sexuality from their lyrics....

I'm dozing off. Will read over this tomorrow and add anything I might have missed.

GOLDY

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anarmorofwords · 3 years

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Hi! You're probably not going to like this ask, but before getting into it I'd just like to say that this isn't meant as Kamala hate or anything, and I don't really want to offend.

Having said that, wouldn't it make sense that we get to see how Kamala treated Anna after she came out? It's in all likelihood one of the things that's weighing on Anna the most.

Obviously Kamala had her valid reasons: her parents aren't as liberal as the Lightwoods, she believes (knows?) their love is conditional as she's adopted, she's not white and not being heterosexual could further any treatment she's suffered from being different... Her reasons have already been listed multiple times by multiple people. Kamala has the right to stay in the closet and fear coming out. And while that shouldn't be villianised, we can't forget that closeted people can harm those around them.

If Kamala had kept treating Anna like a good friend, rumour would've sparked, and even if it was denied, she'd have been harmed by merely associating with Anna. Especially with the life Anna began leading; she could have been labelled as one of Anna's 'conquests' by the Clave. That, as we've established, is detrimental for her safety.

But at the same time, it would create a breach between Anna and Kamala. And Anna had the right to be hurt by it and weary of it when Kamala said she wanted a relationship.

If we look at it from that perspective, Anna's actions (though inexcusable in how they treated Kamala --who was also at fault for not accepting a negative for four months) make sense. Kamala wasn't only a fling of a week*, but also the girl she lost her virginity with, who asked her to be her secret (until she married Charles, after which Anna's affections would be discarded), who hid her sexuality for two years and sat back while Anna suffered from homophobic commentary, and who now wants a relationship hidden from most of the people that know her.

Kamala shouldn't be forced to come out; but the harm that can do to the women she may engage with is reflective of what happens nowadays. I can mostly think of examples with gay men, so my apologies in advance. But how many women have seen their marriages ruined by their husband having affairs with men?

Creating characters that reflect a toxic part of the 'hidden' LGBT community shouldn't be seen as hating or villinifying. Thomas isn't out and he isn't labelled a villain by the narrative --because his actions don't harm anyone. The hate Alastair gets in-universe is because of his past as a bully, not because he's gay. Matthew's not fully out and he isn't villianised --like Thomas, because the decisions he makes to keep his sexuality hidden don't impact anyone negatively.

I'll even go as far as saying that not even the narrative villianises characters like Kamala and Charles. If it were, they'd be seen more like Grace in Chain of Gold. We'd see how Kamala's actions are affecting Anna's in more ways than anger (that in itself put the fandom against Anna), and the characters would note so. We wouldn't see scenes were Cordelia empathised with Charles, nor Matthew said he loved him.

Be it as it may, Kamala and Charles represent ugly parts of being closeted that can naturally occur when someone is in their position. LGBT people are human. Humans, when put into very difficult situations (and Charles risks his career; Kamala her safety), can make decisions that harm those around them. Consequently, the people they're harming have a right to feel, well, harmed in whatever range of ways --this goes mostly for Alastair, and very partly for Anna, whose treatment of Kamala was horrible.

Readers need to understand what is pushing these 'villianised' characters to harm (again, mostly for Alastair) the more prominent characters and go beyond how they are instantly depicted. Because these are complex characters based on complex real people influenced by very ugly realities we will move on from someday, but sadly not yet.

By the way, Charles and Kamala's situations aren't that similar beyond the closeted thing, but I crammed them together because of a post I saw you reblog.

Please understand I'm not justifying Charles's actions; that I understand the pain he's put Alastair through, and know that he shouldn't ever be near Alastair. Nor am I trying to justify Anna's actions nor hate on Kamala.

I'll just finish my pointless rant by adding that I do think cc has sensitivity readers. I think she asked a gay man to go through tec (I don't know if he still revised her other books, though), and know she asked POC's input when writing someone for their culture. I don't know much beyond that, but I doubt who revises her stuff is up to her. Wouldn't that be something the publisher is responsible for (honest question)?

*I've also noticed people using the argument that they didn't know each other long enough for Anna to harbour such ugly emotions towards Kamala, but Kamala also remembered Anna pretty deeply and is 'in love' with her. I just wanted to say that considering cc writes (fantastical) romance where someone can ask a woman they met two months ago marriage, stressing over time spaces doesn't make much sense. Just my take.

hi!!

alright, where do I start? probably would be best with stating that while I can analyse Kamala's situation with what I know/see/read about racism and discrimination and reasonably apply things I've read/heard from PoC to the discussion, as well as try to be as sensitive about it as possible, I'm still a white woman, so not a person that's best qualified to talk about this.

that being said - if someone wants to add something to this conversation, you're obviously more than welcome to, and if there's something in my answer that you don't agree with or find in some way insensitive or offensive - please don't hesitate to call me out on that.

back to your points though: (this turned into a whole ass essay, so under the cut)

I don't think Anna shouldn't be able to reminiscent on Kamala's behaviour/reaction to her coming out, or be hurt by it. what bothers me is the way CC talks about it - I can't remember the exact phrasing, but the post where she mentioned this suggested something along the lines of "you'll see how Kamala sided with the Clave and didn't defend Anna after her coming out", therefore putting the blame on Kamala and completely disregarding the fact that Kamala wasn't in position to do much at all. It suggest that their situation was "poor Anna being mistreated by Kamala". therefore I'm afraid Kamanna's main problem/conflict will remain to be portrayed as "Anna having to allow themselves to love again and forgive Kamala", while Anna's shortcomings - and Kamala's vulnerable position - are never discussed. I think it would be possible to acknowledge both Kamala's difficult situation and the possible hurt her behaviour caused Anna without being insensitive towards Kamala's character, but it would take a really skilled - and caring - author to do both of the perspectives justice. CC would have to find a balance between being aware of the racism/prejudice Kamala faced/ writing her with lots of awareness and empathy, and still allowing her to make mistakes and acknowledging them. As it is however, I'm under impression that she's just treating it as a plot device, a relationship drama.

I'd say no one expects characters of color to be written as flawless or never making mistakes, it's mostly the way these mistakes are written and what things these characters are judged/shamed/

And that's - at least in my understanding and opinion - where the problem is. it's that the narrative never even addresses Anna's faults, and portrays Kamala as the one that caused all - or most of - the pain, without ever even acknowledging her problems and background.

White characters in TLH make mistakes and fuck up - because they're human and they're absolutely allowed to - but the thing is, non-white characters aren't afforded that privilege. Anna's behaviour is never questioned - none of it, shaming Kamala for not being able to come out, dismissing her desire to be a mother, or any of the questionable things she did in ChoI. Same with Matthew, James, Thomas. Alastair and Kamala however? they're constantly viewed through their past mistakes, and forced to apologize for them over and over, forced to almost beg for forgiveness. Moreover, those past mistakes are used as a justification of all and any shitty behaviour the other characters exhibit towards them now, which is simply unfair and cruel. They're held to a much higher standard.

So I'd like to say that yes, Kamala was in the wrong to keep nagging Anna after numerous rejections, and she was in the wrong to not inform Anna about Charles prior to them having sex - but that doesn't give Anna a free pass to constantly mistreat Kamala. And let's be real, Anna isn't stupid - while at 17 she could be naive and uninformed, I can't imagine how after years of hanging out with the Downworlders and numerous affairs and being out and judged by the Clave she's still so ignorant about Kamala's situation. I definitely think she's allowed to be hurt, but to still not understand why Kamala did what she did? Anna isn't blaming her for not telling her about Charles earlier - which would be fair - but instead for refusing to engage in an outright romance with her. She's being ignorant - and consciously so, I think.

Overall, I think you're definitely right about how coming out - or staying closeted - can be messy and hurt people in the process, especially in unaccepting environments/time periods, and I've seen enough discourse online to know there will never be a verdict/stance on this that will satisfy everyone. I, for one, would really like to refrain from putting all the blame on a single person - but, at least the way I see it, CC is pointing fingers. maybe not directly, but she is. Kamala, Alastair and Charles have no friends or support systems, and the only people in the narrative that defend them are themselves (ok, Cordelia does defend Alastair from Charles, but not from shitty takes about him and his "sins"). Also, sorry, but I don't like how you say "hid her sexuality for two years and sat back while Anna experienced homophobic comments" - it sounds very much judgemental. Kamala had every right to do that? The fact that she slept with Anna doesn't means she owed her something, and certainly not coming out and most probably destroying her life, or even defending her at the - again - expense of her own reputation, or more possibly safety.

As for Charles - it's a different issue here, at least imo - I fear that it'll be implied that his refusing to come out will is his main "sin", and therefore not something he can be judged for, which ironically, will be villainizing, but mostly will mean his actual sins are dismissed. This is where the scene with Cordelia feeling a pang of sympathy for him comes into play, and it worries me. I've never hated Charles for not wanting to come out, but rather for, let's see - grooming Alastair, disregarding Alastair's needs and feelings, disrespecting his mother, being a sexist prick, being low-key far-right coded "make Shadowhunters great again" etc.

As for sensitivity readers - I'm no expert, so I don't think my input is worth much. From what I've gathered from multiple threads/discussions on twitter, tho it is probably consulted/approved by the publisher, many authors push for that - and authors less famous and "powerful" than her. I'm not a hater, but seeing fandoms' opinions on much of her rep, I think she could do better. Because if she does have sensitivity readers, then they don't seem to be doing a great job - maybe they're friends who don't wanna hurt her feelings? Or maybe she thinks a gay guy's feedback will be enough for any queer content - which, judging by the opinions I've seen from the fans, doesn't seem to be true.

Again, these are mostly my thoughts and I'm more than open to reading other opinions, because *sigh* I really don't know how to handle this.

Bottom line - I really really don't want to be hating on the characters in general, playing God in regards to judging the struggles of minorities, or even criticising the characters too harshly for being human, flawed etc. What my main issue is is how CC handles those complex and heavy topics.

I hope I make sense and this answer satisfies you somehow - I also hope someone better equipped to answer might wanna join this conversation.

* I desperately need a reread of TLH before I engage in any more conversations like this, but I didn't wanna leave you hanging. So yeah, I might be remembering things wrong. Again, let me know, I'm very much open to being corrected as well as to further discussion.

* I use she/her pronouns for Anna because that's what she uses in canon

#the last hours #tlh #alastair carstairs #shadowhunters #the shadowhunter chronicles #anti charles fairchild #is this anti anna?#kamala joshi #ariadne bridgestock #chain of iron #chain of gold #spilling the tea

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headinthestaticsky · 3 years

Text

The Phenomenon of the Immortal Sun: Jasper Hale x Fleur Swan, Chapter 1

Summary: It was time for Fleur Swan to become Fleur Hale/Whitlock. She has started to adjust to the lifestyle of a vegetarian vampire as well as her powers, which she seems to develop a new one once in a while. But what happens when something happens that none of the Cullens are prepared for.

"Nature will get her way Though you took her for a fool Walking on the lake Frozen under you."

Run Cried the Crawling by, Anges Obel

When Bella got home from Vegas with Edward at her side it was the most pissed off my dad had ever been at her. He knew she would throw out the "I'll move away." Card on him but he wasn't fazed by it anymore. She was married, and a adult... he couldn't stop her. It was satisfying to see dad finally stand up to her, letting go of the fear of losing her. Bella eventually developed a guilty look on her face while Edward tensed by her side. She decided that she would have her honeymoon after Jasper and I got married, since dad would know we would both be out of the house. It confused me since she would have to wait 5 months just to go on her honeymoon, it also delayed her changing into a vampire. Since they both agreed to do it on there honeymoon.

Regarding me however my eyes are still a dark red rose color, which completely puzzled the Cullens. It confused me as well...knowing that after a year of transformation my eyes should be golden by now. I had never drunken an once of human blood but, my eyes were just as red as they were when I first turned. My blood lust got a lot better and I was beginning to gain control of my powers. It turns out I am also a shape shifter in a sense... I can transform myself into anyone I wanted to be. Things seemed to have calmed down it was nice to have a moment of serenity.

I stood in my room which was now void of my items being out on display. They were instead all in boxes stacked up on top of each other. Dad helped me out earlier in the day, it was nice to spend so one-on-one time with him while I still lived here. Bella was packing up too, excited to finally leave the house and become a vampire. She wouldn't let dad help her out however and spent her time locked up in her room. Probably waiting for Edward to enter and talk with her. I just sat down on my bed looking at my surroundings when I heard Jasper enter through my window.

"I was waiting for you to show up." I said grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and pulling him in for a kiss.

"Mmm, hello to you too." Jasper said.

"You're not going to believe who accepted my RVSP'd to the wedding..."

"Who is it?"

"My mom, her new husband is coming with her too."

"I hope they won't cause any trouble." Jasper grumbled.

"Well... the last thing I said to her was when I moved back down here when I was 15...I told her that next time I see her would be at my wedding. I then told her that she would enjoy the the open bar and her speech for me would be her barfing all over the place. So umm... be prepared for that to happen." I explained trying to hold in a laugh at the face Jasper made.

"Damn love...you're brutal sometimes."

"Thank you... that is so sweet to say!"

"You better get down to our place... Alice and Rosalie are waiting for you so they can throw you a Bachelorette party."

"Yeah... they'll probably break the house trying to get to me." I said and then began to laugh.

"Have fun darlin." Jasper said softly.

"You too, if Emmett, Edward, and Dean got you a stripper I will murder all of them."

"Don't worry about that darlin, we're merely going out to the woods to hunt bears... maybe a few mountain lions. Besides Edward won't be there anyway"

"Oh fun...wait, Edward won't be there?"

"Yeah... it seems he still holds a grudge after I called him a boy before the battle."

"Only a boy would be offended by that." I said

"I better go love you." Jasper replied and pecked my cheek.

"Love you too." I did the same thing, pecking his cheek. He left a few seconds afterward leaving me alone. I pulled on pair of boots and ran downstairs.

"I'll see you later dad, Rose and Alice are throwing me a little party."

"Alright Petal, love you."

"Love you too!"

I arrived at the Cullen's house in record time, my tracking ability had improved greatly. I zoomed up to the door and before I could open it Rosalie, Esme, Bree, and Alice stood there with excited smiles on their faces.

"The party has arrived." I said jokingly.

They all laughed and ushered me into the lounge room.

Bree had been living with us ever since the end of the battle, she struggled to conform to the diet after living off of human blood so long and she couldn't leave the house much since she was presumed dead. But Jasper has been helping her out a lot.

"I can't wait to see what you did with the venue outside... can I take a look?"

"No, you may not, Rosalie and I all agreed that you shouldn't see it until tomorrow. It'll be great with the pictures."

"Okay okay... is the dress finished?"

"Yes, now that you can see." Rosalie said, dragging me down to her room. A large vanity was set up with hundreds of makeup products. I turned around and saw my dress... it was beautiful.

(I know the dresses aren't exactly the same but just pretend the one showing off the back of the dress has sleeves haha.)

a"Oh my gosh Rose, you know my style so well."

"You're going to look beautiful tomorrow." Esme said, her gracious smile still on her face.

"Thank you guys so much... for everything."

"No problem Fleur, I can't wait for you to officially be a part of the family." Alice replied.

"So, how is everything back at home?" Rosalie said, already playing with my hair.

"It's tense...dad's pissed at Bella, Bella is pissed at dad. I still can't believe she actually eloped."

"Doesn't surprise me any... Bella's priorities have certainly changed." Alice grumbled.

"Yeah... not gonna lie though Alice they've always been like that, she just hid it from you guys pretty well."

"Yeah... I guess so." Alice said disappointment was on her face.

"Let's talk about something else...Fleur, did Jasper tell you where you two were going for your honeymoon?"

"No... he wants it to be a surprise, I can't wait to see where we're going."

"I'm sure it's going to be fun." Alice said, nudging me playfully.

"If I could blush right now, I would." I said.

Timeskip: The next day.

"Rosalie this is like we rehearsed it... smile and don't kill my mother." I reminded her.

"I'll try my best... Why does Bella have to be a bridesmaid again?" She said, brushing back my long black hair.

"Because I don't need my mother talking my ear off saying how selfish I am."

I saw Alice shake her head before going back to steaming my dress in the background.

"Fleur, Rosalie? Where are you guys?" I heard my dad call out.

"In here dad!" I called back.

"Renee get your butt up here your daughter is getting married. Get over this stupid grudge." I heard dad yell. Rosalie, Alice, and I all laughed.

"Aww, you look beautiful Petal." Dad said, smiling at me. I said Renee in the background she had a shocked look on her face.

"Thanks, Dad, you can thank Rosalie and Alice for all of this. Mom? You gonna come over? I'm not infected with anything you know."

She scoffed and walked up to me, we both gave each other fake smiles.

"Did you get plastic surgery? Your face looks... I don't know more sculpted." She said.

"No mother I just aged... the last time you saw me I was 15, I'm 20 now." I lied, everyone knew most vampires' facial features perfected when fully changed. But I couldn't exactly tell her that.

"Okay..." She said in a skeptical voice. I heard Rosalie growl behind me.

"Renee knock it off." Dad said he had a curt look on his face.

"Well since it's your wedding day we thought you needed something blue." Renee started, her face didn't look too happy.

"And something old, besides your mother." Dad joked, Rosalie and Alice let out a chuckle.

"Nice Charlie," Renee said rolling her eyes.

Dad then opened a jewelry box that had a hairpiece in it. I knew it was grandma swans.

"It was Grandma Swans, I added the Sapphires though, I thought it matched your ring pretty well. When the time comes around you can give it to your daughter." Dad said he handed it to Rosalie so she could put it in my hair.

"Aww thank you so much dad." I said I was lucky I didn't have my dress on yet so I could hug him.

"Should've saved this for Bella." Renee grumbled quitely.

"Oh no I forgot her veil, Rose could you come with me?" Alice asked.

Rosalie hesitated before answering.

"Sure..." They walked out a few seconds later.

"So... you stuck true to your guns. I didn't see you until your wedding day." Dad just looked at the two of us and walked out.

"Yep."

"How many men did you date before you got engaged to this one. I know how bored you can get." Renee said, implying I sleep around a lot.

"He's the first and only man I've dated." Renee's reflection was shocked in the mirror.

"Well... I knew my Bella would do that but... not, you." She said in a condescending voice.

"You have no idea what Bella has done."

"So who is he?" Renee said, ignoring my previous statement.

"His name is Jasper and he's an amazing, kind human being." I answered back, pride-filled my voice. I could suddenly feel Bella's presence behind the wall in the other room listening in on us.

"Sure... we all know women like you say that when the men have slept with you."

"You're childish insults do not bother me anymore mother."

"What childish insults? I'm stating facts." Renee said, acting innocent.

"Yeah, facts you convinced yourself are true."

"All I know is if my Bella wouldn't gotten married so young. So let's cut to the chase how far along are you?"

'I'm not pregnant Renee, I need to go help Rose and Alice find that veil." I got up to walk away when I got an idea.

"Oh by the way, Bella got married at nineteen in Vegas."

Renee just stood there in shock. I smiled in satisfaction.

"Enjoy the open bar!"

#jasper whitlock x oc #jasper whitlock #jasper hale x reader #jasper cullen #jasper hale #jasper hale x oc #carlisle cullen #emmett cullen #esme cullen #alice cullen #edward cullen #twilight saga #bella swan #twilight

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